Item #: SCP-2267
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: Automated crawlers programmed by Foundation personnel are to be utilized in the event of new instances of SCP-2267. Existing instances are to be downloaded into an encrypted Foundation network for study and subsequently removed from public view. Personnel are to update crawler search protocols weekly.
Description: SCP-2267 is an entity or group that uploads anomalous content to video-sharing sites, including youtube.com and vine.co, under a series of unrelated and apparently nonsensical online handles. The accounts themselves have proven untraceable. Uploaded videos contain footage of musical performances, interviews, and advertisements featuring unknown musical artists and related figures. Despite the depicted popularity of these artists, personnel have concluded these recordings are not being produced in the Foundation's standard timeline and/or reality.
Footage of performances depict fantastical and surrealistic venues, as well as the utilization of technology beyond current mundane capability. Analysis of these recordings has produced a list of reoccurring artists and their musical styles, as well as occasional biographical information presented in interviews (see Document 2267-A). Researchers have also verified the date in which SCP-2267's home reality diverged from the standard timeline (see Document 2267-B).

+ Partial Recording Log

- Click to hide

Title: Herewitz Interview 8/████
Runtime: 04:56
Description: Interview with a Caucasian male identified as "Jake Herewitz". Herewitz describes his childhood in Touchdown and early interest in music. No record of a city or geographical area known as "Touchdown" exists. Herewitz concludes with the interview with a song from his latest studio album, "Firefly Discoteque", consisting of orchestral rock and electronic elements. Of notice are the unusual idiomatic phrases and dialects heard in the interview which have no real-world analogues.
Title: Kaylee live at ████████
Runtime: 20:45
Description: Footage of concert in large domed arena in unidentified city. Unknown artist is performing a song borrowing from an eclectic variety of electronic sub-genres. Members of crowd can be seen holding up an object in the shape of a bowling pin at various points. Personnel could not deduce function of object until the "drop" of an apparent single, during which it was observed stage machinery produced multi-colored beams of light that were attracted to these objects, allowing choreographed manipulation of the beams' arc with movement. Researchers described the effect as "hypnotic" and "mesmerizing".
Title: GREAT SHOW AT █████!!! MUST WATCH
Runtime: 08:46
Description: Footage of concert in what appears to be a traditional orchestral hall built from a slightly luminescent metal. Personnel described the on-stage figure as being seated in an elaborate machine similar in appearance to a gyroscope. The figure did not exhibit any signs of distress. Although they were not observed to vocalize or produce sounds through instrumentation, unstructured, harmonic tones were clearly audible. Subjects unanimously described the sound as beautiful and intoxicating.
Title: [REDACTED]
Runtime: 00:57
Description: Advertisement for what appears to be the above venue. The 'performance' is described as a musical tour of "vibration", and lists persons of various vocations, dispositions, and life experiences, such as a decorated police officer, a social worker, and a mystic, as well as various community and religious leaders lauded for their chastity and temperance. The headline act was described as a woman raised in a secluded natural environment and only allowed to consume specially cultivated vegetation and honey.
Title: [REDACTED]
Runtime: 06:46
Description: Recording of performance in nightclub. Singer appears to be able to project her voice without the use of a microphone. Singer was also observed to change tone, inflection, and timbre of voice with remarkable ease and fluidity.
Title: haunting stuff! █████ @ [REDACTED]
Runtime: 06:21
Description: Footage of performance in expansive domed venue. A view of a city skyline from a high altitude is clearly visible outside, which led subjects to conclude the concert is taking place in a dirigible-like craft. The performer in question is only visible as a silhouette behind a shaded screen on stage. An elaborate apparatus comprising multiple microphones surrounds this screen. Despite the presence of a single silhouette, multiple voices singing in harmony are clearly audible. One subject claimed to have observed unusual movement on the singer's neck and shoulder area but could not confirm due to poor image quality.
Title: [REDACTED]
Runtime: 02:23
Description: News broadcast detailing the construction of what appears to be a large, black speaker-like structure, approximately 1 KM wide located an uninhabited expanse of desert. The broadcast is in an unknown language.
Title: MESMERIZING!!! test run [REDACTED]
Runtime: 04:11
Description: Footage of what appears to be a large, rounded multi-colored glass structure high in the atmosphere. The structure is positioned at an altitude that allows it to fully cover the sun, which subsequently projects a hyper-realistic environment on the flatlands below. The projected environment is mandala-like in its complexity, and rotates in an hypnotic fashion. Excited vocalizations, presumably made by the camera operator, are clearly audible.
Title: Monster show @ █████!! DOWNLOAD LINK IN DESCRIPTION
Runtime: 11:45
Description: Footage of various figures in white clothing seated in previously seen gyroscopic devices. The constructs are on a raised marble dais in the center of the stage. Lights positioned above each apparatus appear to signal which device the audience is currently hearing. Five other figures in clothing ranging from gray to black are on a lower portion below the stage, also seated in these apparatuses. Audible music appears to be a product of these devices producing various tones and chords at different intervals. Figures on stage noted to have produced pleasant, harmonic sounds, while lower stage persons produced dissonant tones occasionally utilized in the main piece.

+ Interview Transcript

- Click to hide

On [REDACTED], the entities responsible for SCP-2267 uploaded studio footage of a radio interview with a person referred to as "John Steckler", an apparently leading figure in what the interviewer describes as "pneuma-acoustics". Transcript below.

Interviewer: And the scientific community, there was no trepidation about this at all?
Steckler: Well, there was definitely some of that. One of the, uh, analysts in the, uh, beginning, he quit as soon as he found out we were going in. He was out of there. But it, it was a shock to us, too. The ones who stayed. It really was.
Interviewer: What was it like, being one of the first researchers to arrive on site?
Steckler: [laughs] The story's been told a lot better in the movies. It —
Interviewer: Yes, but —
Steckler: — it didn't feel as earth-shattering to us. I know how, uh, how ridiculous that sounds, but a lot of people don't understand the kind of pressure we were under. We had to do it right. We had to have a kind of tunnel vision about the whole thing. Just working on what's in front of our noses. But I definitely don't remember any of the men kind of, shouting and crying and having these, these grand epiphanies like you see in all the movies. [laughs] We just had to do our jobs.
Interviewer: Any details you can share with us that's never made it into those movies?
Steckler: Oh, wow. Definitely the, definitely the smell of the ship. You can't get that across on screen. I know they keep trying. [laughs] It smelled like ammonia, and mint. And honey. [pause] It wasn't what we expected.
Interviewer: What do you think happened?
Steckler: [pause] Well, it's fair to say we don't know for sure. I know one of the soldiers on the detail, he's always supported one of the more definitely outlandish theories out there. [laughs] We found the original of what a lot of people know as a, uh, as a gyro - but what we in the parlance call a pneumatic acousticizer - we found a huge one, right in the belly of the thing. Right there. There was stuff there we still haven't cracked.
Interviewer: Do you mean to say gyros can do more than translate psychological states into sound? Are you holding out on us? [laughs]
Steckler: Well, no. It's just the one we found was designed to work on a much larger scale than the ones you're used to in, uh, a club or hall. Who knows who they were, why their ship was broken on arrival, where they disappeared to. If it was even supposed to be manned in the first place.
Interviewer: How do you feel about this technology in the hands of law enforcement? Data has found pneumatic acoustizers being 95 percent accurate in diagnosing mental disorders and predicting convict recidivism. Do you think we are using the fruits of this technology in the right way?
Steckler: Maybe there is no right way. Some of these club owners, they've taken the more fringe stuff we found and given 'em spins I wouldn't have imagined in my wildest dreams. It really is something.
Interviewer: Briefly, Dr. Steckler, before we wrap up: Do you believe there is a chance we might have a repeat of the Touchdown?
Steckler: That soldier I was telling you about. He thought the acousticizer on the ship was meant for the whole planet. Something like a cosmic lie detector, except accurate. [laughs] What do you think would have happened if the ship came through intact? And they used it on us, the whole planet? It'd be the supreme diagnosis. [laughs] [program cue music begins to play] Imagine them hooking it up and hearing the garbled, dissonant mess we hear when we hook up repeat offenders. With technology like that, you'd have to be a moralist. Or a doctor. [laughs] It's a scary thought. I don't want to think about it.

END TRANSCRIPT

« SCP-2266 | SCP-2267 | SCP-2268 »


Item #: SCP-2268
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: All current and upcoming antivirus softwares are to contain a patch redirecting users away from SCP-2268 by claiming that the website has been infected with a virus. Periodic checks are to be made to ensure that the website remains contained. In addition, Foundation webcrawlers are to ensure that no additional domains contain the anomalous program. Due to safety concerns, all pages and subject matter must be approved by a Level 3 researcher before testing with D-class personnel.
Description: SCP-2268 is an anomalous website under the URL ██████████████. The page superficially appears similar to non-anomalous search pages. However, instead of conducting an internet search, the input bar instead loads pages from any URL. The pages loaded will contain no advertisements or other distractions from the primary information.1 Once a page has been loaded, an alert window will prompt the user to "loaf page" (sic) by inserting a slice of bread into the disk drive. Experimentation has revealed that anything the user considers to be bread will work for the purposes of insertion, even if it would normally damage the bread or disk drive to insert it. Anything that is not considered bread will react in a non-anomalous manner. Upon insertion of the bread slice, the page will show a loading screen with the words "downloafing" (sic) displayed above a loading bar in the shape of a baguette. While "downloafing" is taking place, the page will be unresponsive to user input. During this process, the bread inserted into the disk drive will be toasted. It is unknown how the toasting occurs, as unmodified disk drives do not reach the temperature necessary to begin the Maillard reaction.
Bread toasted in this manner appears to be non-anomalous when analyzed, or when eaten by anyone except the user. When the user eats the toast, they will anomalously acquire all the information on the page loaded on the website. Amount of information acquired directly corresponds to the amount of bread eaten. This only applies to the images and text on the page at the time of the browser freezing. Attempting to internalize videos will result in only the still image shown at time of freezing being internalized. For a week after consumption, the information cannot be erased by any means, including the use of amnestics. After this week, information can be forgotten with normal memory degradation.
Attempting to use SCP-2268 on a device without a disk drive will result in a 405 error occurring. The only way to circumvent this is by using a disk drive attachment, in which case SCP-2268 will perform as described above.
Use of SCP-2268 to study anomalous webpages, including SCP-1584, is currently pending review.

Footnotes
1. For example, a social media page will have had the recommendation sidebar(s) removed.

« SCP-2267 | SCP-2268 | SCP-2269 »


Item #: SCP-2269
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2269 is housed in a humanoid containment suite at Site-17 that has been modified with hermetic seals and filters designed to prevent the escape of any instances of SCP-2269-2.
Routine interaction and communication with SCP-2269-1 is to be performed using the intercom system whenever possible. Personnel entering SCP-2269's suite are to observe BSL-4 protection at all times and undergo decontamination when entering or exiting the area, and all personnel interacting with SCP-2269-1 are to maintain the cover story that its current housing is an advanced medical care facility for the elderly.
Description: SCP-2269-1 is an elderly Irish-American female and former resident of [REDACTED], Florida, 87 years of age at time of initial containment. SCP-2269-1 suffers from a mild case of Alzheimer's disease as well as several other age-related illnesses (see Document 2269-09: Additional Medical Concerns) but is otherwise physiologically normal for a baseline human subject.
SCP-2269-2 is a colony of spiders that appears to inhabit SCP-2269-1, consisting of possibly over 20,000 individuals from over 580 identified species ranging from Salticidae specimens less than 1 mm in size to Nephilidae specimens up to 5cm in size. Instances of SCP-2269-2 have been observed freely moving through SCP-2269-1's clothing and entering and exiting its orifices without generating discomfort or pain in any way. Furthermore, while instances of SCP-2269-2 have been observed capturing and killing parasitic insects attempting to infest SCP-2269-1, the colony does not appear to require any direct sustenance. As such, it is currently speculated that the bulk of SCP-2269-2 normally occupies an extradimensional space.
SCP-2269-2's primary purpose appears to be the maintenance of SCP-2269-1's health. Whenever SCP-2269-1 is injured, a large number of SCP-2269-2 instances will work together to attempt to repair the damage inflicted. Prior to initial containment, SCP-2269 had come to the Foundation's attention following an incident in which SCP-2269-1 was severely injured in an auto-pedestrian accident. A field agent embedded in local emergency response contacted the Foundation and a containment team was dispatched. When the containment team arrived, the following observations were made:

Several dozen large Nephilidae specimens were observed working together to bandage SCP-2269-1's cuts, using spun spider silk to bind the wounds.
Numerous specimens of Salticidae were observed working together to remove foreign contaminants such as broken glass and dirt.

Upon recovery and transport to provisional containment, additional observations were made by the receiving medical team:

A large number of microscopic Symphytognathidae were present in SCP-2269-1's skull, attempting to repair ruptured blood vessels, remove clotted blood, and maintain blood flow through SCP-2269-1's brain.
Several Araneidae were present in SCP-2269-1's chest cavity, stimulating the lungs and heart through unknown means. Twice during the initial containment process, medical personnel reported momentary cardiac arrest which resulted in a burst of activity from the Araneidae specimens followed by resuscitation shortly thereafter.

Despite the severity of its injuries, SCP-2269-1 eventually made a full recovery and has remained relatively healthy since initial containment. SCP-2269-1 is either unable or unwilling to speak or otherwise communicate with Foundation personnel regarding its current condition, but expresses agitation when instances of SCP-2269-2 are removed by Foundation personnel for testing purposes. SCP-2269-1 has, in writing, requested materials with which it can knit and weave but otherwise has not made any requests of containment personnel.
Addendum 2269-1: Interview Transcript, ████-█-██
The following transcript is of an interview performed by Agent ████ █████ while posing as a local police officer conducting post-incident interviews of [REDACTED]'s neighbors.

Agent █████: Do you mind if I ask you a few questions about [REDACTED]?
Mr. ████████: Not at all. Shame what happened to her, she was a weird one but a really nice old lady. She deserved better.
Agent █████: What can you tell me about her?
Mr. ████████: Not a lot, really. I've lived here close to fourteen, fifteen years and she'd lived here long before then. The neighbors tell me she'd been there as long as anyone can remember. Never had any trouble with her, really, since she kept to herself and only came out to get groceries. She never complained about anything, kept a clean house, had a beautiful garden. Would have been picturesque if it weren't for those spiders.
Agent █████: Spiders?
Mr. ████████: She, uhh, raised spiders. I don't know, really, I never paid much attention but apparently she collected them and raised them on her lot. She's got all those trees on her property, right? She had hundreds, maybe thousands of 'em. Cared for them, too, really liked them. Kinda creepy if you ask me, but she was a really nice lady otherwise.
Agent █████: Was there anything… strange about them?
Mr. ████████: Stranger than raising a thousand spiders in your yard? No, not really.
Agent █████: Did she ever say anything to you?
Mr. ████████: About the spiders? Yeah, actually. I only ever really talked to her once or twice, but I figured that everyone asked, right? She said that she liked them, and that they were just as much a part of Mother Nature as we were. She treated them real nice, and they kept the bugs out of her house. Kinda makes sense, if you think about it, with us so close to the marshes and such.
Agent █████: Anything else we should know?
Mr. ████████: No, not really. Like I said, she was real nice and it's a shame. I hope she's in a better place, anyways.

« SCP-2268 | SCP-2269 | SCP-2270 »


Item #: SCP-2272
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: Foundation contacts within Major League Baseball will work to replace the Pensacola Blue Wahoos' general manager with Agent Rob Potsdam of Local Mobile Task Force 352-Dalet (“Dixieland Nightmare Magic”). Upon appointment as general manager, Agent Potsdam will trade Ellis Canastota to a Foundation-controlled summer league team in St. Petersburg, Fla., at which point containment procedures will be further revised. Following Incident 2272-Domino (see Addendum II below), SCP-2272 is to be monitored for anomalous activity outside its known effects, and officials in the Cincinnati Reds franchise will be advised to retain Ellis Canastota at the Double-A level or below.1 At least one member of Local Mobile Task Forces in the region of Pensacola Blue Wahoos away games at which Ellis Canastota is scheduled to start shall attend. Regional Command will revise containment procedures if new information or activity is demonstrated.
Description: SCP-2272 is a phenomenon currently affecting the Double-A minor league baseball team known as the Pensacola Blue Wahoos. The phenomenon manifests as a player who does not exist, Blue Wahoos starting pitcher Ellis Canastota, appearing in game records, statistical compilations and in memories of Blue Wahoos games since mid-201█. All attendees of Blue Wahoos games in which Canastota is purported to play experience an apparent collective visual hallucination of Ellis Canastota pitching, batting and fielding, and a baseball game proceeding as normal. This effect also applies to visual recordings, photographs or audio recordings of Blue Wahoos games.2 (See Addendum I below for attempts at computer analysis of purported photographs of Canastota.)
Double-blind analysis of aerial sonar readings from Vince J. Whibbs Sr. Community Maritime Park during a game in which Canastota was purported to pitch confirm that no being or object existed in the space in-person observers or observers of photographs and video suggest. In addition, despite audiovisual recordings indicating baseballs being hit, thrown and otherwise manipulated, sonar tracking was unable to verify the objective presence of a baseball on plays in which Canastota was a factor. When Canastota is not "on the field," no anomalous effects are indicated.
Ellis Canastota, according to scouts with the Cincinnati Reds organization and his listing on the Blue Wahoos website, attended “Oneiroi3 High School” in “Utica, WO.”4 No memories, recordings or statistics of any baseball performances by the player exist prior to his signing with the Blue Wahoos in 201█.
Addendum I - Analysis of images: Multiple images affected by SCP-2272 were passed to a Foundation-developed program which subjects an image to a number of Fourier transforms and convolutions to obscure the resulting output from human recognition while simultaneously analyzing its structure and providing a summary of its contents by statistical analysis.5 An example report (SCP-2272-IMG310):
Date: 1st July 201█
Location: SPORTING EVENT at BASEBALL STADIUM (99% certainty)
Type: FULL COLOR PHOTOGRAPH
Subject:
The image contains one (1) ADULT PERSON standing in foreground and seventy to eighty (70 to 80) ADULT PERSONS seated in the background. With 100% certainty the PERSONS in the image have CLOSED EYES.
Addendum II - Incident 2272-Domino: Initial containment procedures for SCP-2272 orchestrated the appointment of Field Agent Robert Potsdam as general manager of the Pensacola Blue Wahoos, with the intent to trade Ellis Canastota to a Foundation-controlled summer league baseball team to contain SCP-2272's effects. The evening after his appointment as general manager, Agent Potsdam was found comatose in his bed, after suffering apparent blunt-force trauma to the head. All Foundation staffers within an approximately 40 km radius of Agent Potsdam's location reported experiencing the same dream that evening. Foundation staffers reported sitting in the stands of a baseball stadium and viewing Ellis Canastota throwing a fastball at the head of a bound Robert Potsdam.

Footnotes
1. At Canastota's current level of statistical performance (7-10, 4.74 ERA as of last season) this is considered a feasible request with which the franchise is cooperating without objection.
2. For further details on the nature of collective hallucination events: McTiriss, Kate, “Can I Get A Witness? Mass Hallucinations And Infohazards In Foundation Containment” Fieldwork: An SCP Foundation Journal (2013): 619.
3. A potential connection to the Oneiroi Initiative believed to be involved in the creation of SCPs -1498, -2028, and -2805 is currently under research.
4. ”WO” is not a valid ISO 3166 country or region code. It is used for both the World Intellectual Property Organization and the Wolof language, spoken in the Gambia and Mauritania. All individuals questioned about Ellis Canastota's background did not recall specifics, with many indicating that he “keeps to himself.”
5. This program was originally developed for use with SCP-592. For details on its operation and accuracy: Ashley, Giulianna, “Methods For Image Analysis On Infohazardous Imagery” Terminal: An SCP Foundation Journal (2007): 230.

« SCP-2271 | SCP-2272 | SCP-2273 »


Item #: SCP-2273
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2273 is to be contained in an M-SHACC1 with furniture that can accommodate SCP-2273's weight and size. Additionally, the containment cell and adjacent observation/interview room must act as a Faraday cage. Standard quality-of-life considerations apply. SCP-2273 requires approximately 8,000 calories per day in order to remain healthy; standard human rations in quantities large enough to facilitate this are acceptable. The Site-17 humanoid anomaly psychologist is to interview SCP-2273 weekly, to ensure continued mental health of the subject while obtaining knowledge of SCP-2273's original timeline. SCP-2273 is a ECT2 B sapient anomaly and is granted limited access to literature and musical media that may be revoked at any time.
Description: SCP-2273 is a humanoid entity believed to be of extra-universal origin that consists of two parts. SCP-2273-1 is believed to be a non-anomalous male human that shares a symbiotic relationship with an anomalous organism, SCP-2273-2. This organism completely covers SCP-2273-1, leaving no epidermis exposed. Notable physical characteristics of SCP-2273-2 are as follows:

A chitinous carapace that forms a secondary, exterior skeleton.
Compound-lensed eyes giving SCP-2273-2 approximately a 270° field of vision and approximately 90° of binocular vision.
Earth-tone coloration visually similar to military forest-pattern camouflage.
Advanced musculature that integrates with SCP-2273-1's musculoskeletal system and allows SCP-2273 to carry an estimated 1200 kilograms in addition to its own weight.
Proboscis similar in function to that of Musca domestica3 used by SCP-2273-2 to procure nutrients for itself and its host.
Colored scar tissue similar in nature to tattoos corresponding to military patches and badges.4
A fully functional organic radio transceiver capable of transmitting both encrypted and unencrypted audio messages over a wide bandwidth.5

Additionally, it is believed that SCP-2273-2 shares its circulatory and nervous systems with its host.
SCP-2273 is approximately 2.1 meters in height and 290 kilograms in weight. SCP-2273-2's exterior is heavily scarred on both forearms and shoulder blades. Upon recovery, these areas bore open wounds. SCP-2273 claims that weapon nacelles were previously mounted at these locations. All written tattoo patterns are in Russian and indicate that SCP-2273 was a Major in the 22nd Armored Infantry Division6. It is fluent in Russian and German.
SCP-2273 was recovered during investigation of a seismic event and radiation spikes detected outside Danner, Wisconsin on 13 October, 1989. SCP-2273 was found after tracing radio transmissions coming from its location. SCP-2273 was wounded, delirious, and suffering from malnutrition. It offered no resistance to the recovery team. It was moved to Site-17 shortly after its recovery.
Selected Interview Logs:

Open SCP-2273 Initial Interview Log

Close SCP-2273 Initial Interview Log

Interviewed: SCP-2273
Interviewing: Dr. Friedrich (Site-17 humanoid anomaly psychologist)
Forward: Interview was conducted primarily in German. SCP-2273's ability to speak using AM radio had been ascertained during recovery.
Transcript:
Dr. Friedrich (in Russian): Hello? Can you hear me?
SCP-2273 (in German): Your accent is atrocious. Yes, I can hear you. Let's speak in a language I know you'll understand.
Dr. Friedrich (in German): Ah, yes, all right. I'm told you answer to the name Alexei Belitrov. Is this true?Dr. Friedrich: I — I'm sorry?Dr. Friedrich: Alexei, do you know where you are?End Transcript
Closing Statement: SCP-2273 remained largely unresponsive after the final transcribed remarks. Dr. Friedrich opted to discontinue the interview shortly thereafter. Following this interview, Dr. Friedrich put forward a request to provide SCP-2273 a limited amount of low-level information regarding the Foundation in order to gain SCP-2273's trust, furthering cooperation.7

Open SCP-2273 Interview 002

Close SCP-2273 Interview 002

Interviewed: SCP-2273
Interviewing: Dr. Friedrich
Forward: Interview was conducted in German. Six hours prior to interview, SCP-2273 had been issued an outdated copy of the Level 1 Researcher General Debrief in an attempt to make it understand the nature of its containment.
Transcript:
Dr. Friedrich: Alexei, are you ready to talk?Dr. Friedrich: I'm sorry?
SCP-2273 (in Russian): Crows. (In German:) It is Red Army Officer's slang for… your people. You do not fight in the war. Instead, you steal weapons from both sides for… whatever purposes. Containment, I suppose. I guess this means I am no longer in the place I came from, da?
Dr. Friedrich: Yes, Alexei, that's right. We need to find out where you came from, so we might be able to figure out how you got here and possibly come up with a way to get you back.Dr. Friedrich: Fine, I won't lie to you. Yes, you will probably spend the rest of your life in this facility, but it doesn't have to be entirely miserable. If you help us, we'll see what we can do to help you.Friedrich: Alright, Alexei. Take your time. We'll talk whenever you're ready, ok?
End Transcript
Closing Statement: SCP-2273 began showing signs of severe stress shortly after reading the issued document. However, most signs and acts of aggression seem to have ceased.

Open SCP-2273 Interview 003

Close SCP-2273 Interview 003

Interviewed: SCP-2273
Interviewing: Dr. Friedrich
Forward: Interview was conducted in German. This interview took place upon SCP-2273's request three days after Interview 002.
Transcript:
Dr. Friedrich: Alexei, you said you wanted to see me?Dr. Friedrich: Yes, I suppose it's a fair offer. Hm. Okay, you kept talking about a war. What can you tell us about that?Dr. Friedrich: Oh, okay. What else can you tell me about your armor?Dr. Friedrich: Can you elaborate on that? How has the armor caused you pain?Dr. Friedrich: I'm sorry, your armor thinks?Dr. Friedrich: Ok, I think I understand. Can you tell me about how you got the wounds on your shoulders and arms?Dr. Friedrich: What can you tell me about how you got here? Do you know?Dr. Friedrich: No, Alexei, that's enough for now.Dr. Friedrich: You may call me Doctor Friedrich. I appreciate what you've told me so far, Alexei.End Transcript
Closing Notes: SCP-2273 showed significantly reduced signs of stress following this interview. Further interviews are recommended.

Open SCP-2273 Interview 004

Close SCP-2273 Interview 004

Interviewed: SCP-2273
Interviewing: Dr. Friedrich
Forward: Interview was conducted in German. This interview took place the day after Interview 003.
Transcript:Dr. Friedrich: Yes, actually, there is. Thank you for asking, Alexei.Dr. Friedrich: Tell me what you need and I'll see what I can do for you.Dr. Friedrich: I'll see what I can find.Dr. Friedrich: Yesterday, when we were speaking, you mentioned that your suit was built by "engineers." What can you tell us about them?Dr. Friedrich: Well, why wouldn't they? Do you know?Dr. Friedrich: What do you mean, "not their war?" They're people too, aren't they?Dr. Friedrich: I see. What else can you tell me about them?Dr. Friedrich: It would seem not.
End Transcript
Closing Statement: SCP-2273's request for musical media has been submitted. Approval is pending.

Open SCP-2273 Interview 119

Close SCP-2273 Interview 119

Interviewed: SCP-2273
Interviewing: Dr. Friedrich
Forward: Interview was conducted in German. This interview took place as part of standard weekly interviews. At this point in time, SCP-2273 had been in containment for approximately two years.
Transcript:
Dr. Friedrich: Hello, Alexei. How are you feeling this afternoon?Dr. Friedrich: How so?Dr. Friedrich: I see. Do you want me to let you keep that one for your collection, then?Dr. Friedrich: Ok. I'll see what I can do. Is there anything else you'd like to talk about?Dr. Friedrich: Malfunctioning? How?Dr. Friedrich: Alexei, I don't think that's the armor. Are you sure you don't want to talk about this? How long has this been going on?Dr. Friedrich: Alexei, I am a doctor. I'm trained to make sure people in your… predicament stay healthy. If something is bothering you, you need to let me know. Now, what sort of things are you remembering before you go to sleep?
SCP-2273 (after approximately 30 seconds of hesitation): I told you where I was before your men found me, da? I — I see my men's faces, staring up at me from the dirt, Doctor. Asking me why I didn't keep them safe. Why I was allowed to live while they had to die. I trained alongside those men for years before they put us back on the surface, since we were all young children. We were brothers. And I gave the order to surrender, and got — got them killed. I should have died with them. I am no better than the American dogs who shot them. I don't want to feel this way anymore. Please make this stop. (At this point, SCP-2273 rose from its seat and approached the interview window. As it did so, radio white noise began being recorded by all radio receiver equipment within SCP-2273's containment unit and interview room. This static continued for the remainder of the interview.) I was only trying to keep them safe, Doctor. Why couldn't I have died with them?
[FURTHER STATEMENTS REDACTED AS PER HIPPOCRATES PROTOCOL; ACCESS REQUIRES ETHICS COMMITTEE OR OVERSEER PERMISSION]
Closing Statement: Dr. Friedrich has recommended downgrading SCP-2273 to an ECT C sapient anomaly, granting it limited social privileges for the sake of relieving stress. This proposal is currently under review by representatives of the Ethics Committee and Site-17 security staff.

Upon arriving here, Fred immediately noticed that his was not a unique name in this place, and laughed at the coincidence.

Footnotes
1. Medium Standard Humanoid Anomaly Containment Cell
2. Ethics Committee Type; a system of classification for sapient anomalies based on threat to Foundation personnel, other sapient anomalies, and the general public.
3. Colloquially known as the common housefly.
4. These include but are not limited to: Flag insignias, rank insignias, name identifiers, and unit insignias.
5. As SCP-2273 is incapable of normal speech, AM radio receivers must be used in order to conduct interviews.
6. No such unit exists or has ever existed within the Soviet Union or Russian Federation militaries.
7. A standardized briefing introducing sapient anomalies to a highly-restricted overview of the Foundation and its mission has since become Standard Operating Procedure, in part due to this incident and others. Humanoid Containment Specialists and local Ethics Committee representatives can be contacted for further details.

« SCP-2272 | SCP-2273 | SCP-2274 »


Item #: SCP-2274
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2274 is to be kept within its box in Standard Secure Locker #56. Under no circumstances should any personnel directly view SCP-2274. No testing is permitted at this time.
Description: SCP-2274 is a statue, 46 cm in height, made of metal of an indeterminate color. It depicts a humanoid figure, with a clearly defined torso and head and limbs that taper to points, without hands or feet, standing upright on a square base.
Any human being who views SCP-2274 will halt all activity and assume a neutral standing position, staring fixedly at SCP-2274. These subjects cannot be persuaded to assume a seated or prone position, nor to have SCP-2274 leave their line of sight. Subjects seem incapable of autonomously performing any task other than remaining upright, including the basic requirements for living. If left alone, subjects will expire of dehydration. Subjects under the influence of SCP-2274 show extremely limited ability or willingness to communicate. They do not respond to questioning, unless asked one of two questions: when asked “what do you do?”, subjects invariably respond “I stand, as he stands.”1 When asked “what does he do?”, with reference to SCP-2274, subjects invariably respond “he stands because he must.”
Photographs and video footage of SCP-2274 have the same effect, as does viewing any portion of the object, whether in a photograph or directly. Viewing SCP-2274 in silhouette does not have any effect, nor does viewing the shape of the object while it is completely wrapped in cloth or paper.
If the subject is forced to assume a seated or prone position, or if SCP-2274 is removed from a subject's line of sight, the subject will react violently, attacking whomever is instigating the change until that person either views SCP-2274 or is incapacitated (See Interview Log 2274-1). No supernatural strength or unusual speed has been observed in subjects during these outbursts.
At present, no observed subjects have recovered from the effects of SCP-2274.
Addendum 2274-1: The object was recovered from the home of Kerry █████ in ██████, Texas on ██/██/20██, when a friend who had gone over to have dinner dialed 911, stating that Ms. █████ was “just standing there saying nothing except ‘I stand as he stands.'” Remaining on the line with the 911 operator, he tried to force her to turn towards him as they waited for first responders. She responded by delivering a blow that seemed to cause him to lose consciousness.2 He was later found under the influence of SCP-2274 alongside her.
The police officers who responded to the call were found also under the effect of SCP-2274. This development led to widespread fear amongst the police force, which alerted Agent ████ and led the Foundation to launch an investigation. After the loss of Mobile Task Force Nu-12, the object, along with a cardboard box in which it was contained, and two typed notes within the box (documents 2274-I and 2274-II) was recovered by drone and brought to Site-19. Neither the box nor the notes have exhibited any anomalous properties.
Addendum 2274-2: Personnel with Level 2 security clearance or higher may refer to documents 2274-I and 2274-II, which were recovered along with SCP-2274.

+ Document 2274-I

- Document 2274-I

Kerry-
I honest-to-God hate you, you know that? You don't know shit about what you're talking about. You don't understand art and you will never be an artist. Fuck you.
This is the piece you wanted. I promise you'll find it more interesting than the last few.
I'll come by tomorrow to pick up my payment.
I hope you enjoy it.
Kisses,
[ILLEGIBLE]

+ Document 2274-II

- Document 2274-II

To the Foundation-
Since I know you'll get your grubby hands on my art, I might as well address you, too.
You disgust me. You don't look for meaning. You don't see beauty. You don't care about the “why,” you care about the “how.” Like it's a drug. You need it. I don't understand the obsession.
Your dependance on the “how” makes you bloated. You are lazy. You don't think, you observe. You don't create, you define. You categorize. You sterilize. You sit around on your collective derivative ass all day and destroy meaning through analysis.
So, when you eventually do find my piece, this will be a fun one for you. For him, the “why” is the same as the “how.” He stands. He is his own. He is free of definition, and meaning does not burden him; it gives him strength. There's no more understanding to be had.
You do not stand as he stands. You are not free.
You will never be cool, and you will never understand true meaning.
I weep for you.

Footnotes
1. Asking “what are you doing?” also procures this response in 22% of cases.
2. An autopsy of the man revealed a significant recent contusion and moderate amounts of bruising on the scalp.

« SCP-2273 | SCP-2274 | SCP-2275 »


Kollwitz Stamp recovered from SCP-2275 correspondence received at Site-67, 3 February 2002.

Item #: SCP-2275
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: Site-67 is to maintain a cover organization (see Asset File FO-4228/19/67/78, "Združenje Zbiralcev Znamk Vzhodne Slovenije") dedicated to covertly identifying philatelists of Slovenia and surrounding regions. Individuals flagged for heightened probability of contact by SCP-2275 are subject to interception of all postal mail for monitoring.
Flagged individuals that are subsequently contacted by SCP-2275 are to be provided with a wide variety and number of postage stamps through Združenje Zbiralcev Znamk Vzhodne Slovenije under the auspices of member appreciation efforts until such a time as all anomalous phenomena occurring in the vicinity of the individual cease.
At the discretion of the Research Director, a Designated Research Subject residing at Site-67 is to be periodically made available as a potential SCP-2275 contactee for the purposes of studying correspondence and phenomena generated by the anomaly.
All SCP-2275 correspondence is to be maintained in the Site-67 Archives.
Description: SCP-2275 is an unobservable entity capable of generating posted mail to certain recipients and affecting localized changes to currently understood reality in the vicinity of these recipients. After review of archival documents from the defunct Imperial Commission on Transgressive Occurrences (obtained pursuant to the Debrecen Agreement of 1990) and subsequent experimentation and analysis, researchers believe SCP-2275 to be a Class Keres thoughtform entity.
SCP-2275 generates and sends correspondence to individuals in the vicinity of Ljubljana, Slovenia with a demonstrated interest in philately1. To date, 61.5% of persons contacted by SCP-2275 in this manner have resided within a 75 km radius of Ljubljana, with the remaining cases scattered throughout the region of Southern Europe. Prior to establishment of current containment protocols, as many as 800 individuals were believed to have been receiving SCP-2275 correspondence.
Correspondence sent by SCP-2275 always bears a Kollwitz Stamp2, along with sufficient Slovenian postage for delivery to the intended recipient. No return address is present. In each case, the contents are a single sheet of paper, folded into thirds, featuring a handwritten phrase or series of words in Slovenian. The handwriting in each sample is consistent with that documented in Imperial Commission on Transgressive Occurrences Dispatch No. 37. Refer to Addendum 2275.1 for a representative sample of SCP-2275 correspondence.
Individuals who are intended recipients of SCP-2275 correspondence are subject to a series of local disturbances in reality. These phenomena decrease markedly in frequency and intensity if the affected individual continuously obtains and catalogs postage stamps. Most documented subjects intuitively grasped this relationship upon the initiation of these disturbances, and established or increased their stamp collections accordingly.
Subjects receiving correspondence from SCP-2275 have been recorded experiencing the following anomalous occurrences:

Kollwitz Stamps appearing spontaneously in subject's pockets and personal belongings
Faint vocalizations emanating from plumbing fixtures and air vents, in all cases unintelligible and belonging to a female. Most observers have characterized these vocalizations as being fearful or distressed
Manifestation of human bones3 within the residence of the subject, usually in closets and storage spaces
Letters addressed to the subject, apparently originating from the Austro-Hungarian Imperial Office of Bookkeeping arriving with no content
Existing stamps within the subject's residence spontaneously changing to feature portraits of Lovrenc Košir for brief periods of time
Markings in black ink (intepreted by researchers to be attempts at handwriting) appearing on sheets of blank paper in the vicinity of the subject
Spontaneous and brief episodes of ambient conditions in the vicinty of the subject, such as atmospheric temperature, air movement, and sounds, matching those documented in real time at the burial site of Lovrenc Košir
Hundreds of unsolicited Pošte Slovenije change of address forms (circa 1974) periodically manifesting in the subject's mailbox

Addendum 2275.1: Contents of SCP-2275 Correspondence
The following is a partial listing of correspondence recovered from individuals receiving mail from SCP-2275. All correspondence is written in Slovenian:

Date: 21 May 1931
Recipient: ████████ ███████████
Transcript of Correspondence: Kje sem4

Date: 3 September 1934
Recipient: █████ █████████
Transcript of Correspondence: Unintelligble

Date: 14 July 1948
Recipient: ████ ███████
Transcript of Correspondence: zmrzovanje, hladno5

Date: 8 February 1952
Recipient: █████ ███████████
Transcript of Correspondence: odgovori6

Date: 22 December 1957
Recipient: ███████ ████
Transcript of Correspondence: Unintelligible

Date: 7 August 1963
Recipient: ████ █████
Transcript of Correspondence: me ne more najti7

Date: 13 May 1965
Recipient: █████ █████████
Transcript of Correspondence: nov razvoj v poštnini8

Date: 19 April 1972
Recipient: ████ ███████
Transcript of Correspondence: Unintelligible

Date: 29 July 1979
Recipient: █████████████ ██████
Transcript of Correspondence: kam ste šli moj Lovrenc9

Date: 11 January 1983
Recipient: ███████ █████████
Transcript of Correspondence: naše delo10

Date: 30 January 1986
Recipient: ████████ ███████████
Transcript of Correspondence: kje sem kje sem kje sem11

Date: 19 April 1987
Recipient: ████ █████████
Transcript of Correspondence: pomagajte mi sestaviti sebe12

Date: 11 November 1989
Recipient: ███████ █████████
Transcript of Correspondence: prosim Lovrenc13

Date: 1 March 1990
Recipient: █████ █████
Transcript of Correspondence: odbor priznava genialnost14

Date: 18 December 1991
Recipient: █████ █████
Transcript of Correspondence: Unintelligible

Date: 23 June 1995
Recipient: Designated Research Subject, Site-65
Transcript of Correspondence: nenaravno15

Date: 16 August 1999
Recipient: Designated Research Subject, Site-65
Transcript of Correspondence: moja notranjost16

Date: 3 February 2002
Recipient: Designated Research Subject, Site-65
Transcript of Correspondence: ni pobega17

Date: 21 August 2010
Recipient: Designated Research Subject, Site-65
Transcript of Correspondence: pozabljen v peklu18

Addendum 2275.2: Imperial Commission on Transgressive Occurrences Dispatch No. 37
Researcher's Note: The following is a transcription of a dispatch from the Imperial Commission on Transgressive Occurrences, an agency of the Austro-Hungarian Empire active from 1830-1839. Headquartered in Budapest, this agency was tasked with investigating what would be contemporarily termed as paranormal activity. Archives of this agency were turned over to the Foundation following discussions with Soviet authorities in 1990. Translated for this file into English from the original Hungarian.

On an unknown correspondent of Mr. Lovrenc Košir
This Commission notes for the records and benefit of the Voivode a curious incident reported by Lovrenc Košir, a public official of the Empire who has attained renown for his innovations in the postal system.
In my visit with Mr. Košir at the Ruszwurm coffee house, he described to me how he conceived of his celebrated invention. The idea of developing a system of postage that would eliminate the burdensome prospect of payment upon delivery of parcels, Mr. Košir described, was one that took hold of his person, dominating his thoughts and waking hours. He came to playfully imagine this all-consuming desire as a species of muse, such as those fancifully described by artists and poets and the like. He termed his muse "Philatea," and would often invoke her presence when sketching out designs for his stamps and drafting protocols for their deployment.
The first letter he received from "Philatea" was shocking to Mr. Košir, as he had not told anyone of his imagined inspiration for his idea, nor even discussed his innovation at all except with peers in the Ministry and abroad. The level of detail with which Philatea described Mr. Košir's idea and his passion for seeing it adopted was highly uncanny, and no reasonable explanation of how anyone could write with this knowledge was apparent.
In spite of the somewhat otherworldly nature of this letter, Mr. Košir was moved by the eloquence and shared ardor for his idea with which Philatea wrote. As I read the contents of the mysterious letter, I had to agree. Whoever this woman was, she was filled with grand ideas about the importance of correspondence, of shared understanding between all quarters of humanity. I read the letters that Mr. Košir received, and I could not help but be inspired with a vision of a grand Brotherhood of Man, so beautifully elaborated in this woman's elegant script and flights of poetic phrase.
Mr. Košir responded to his newfound associate in turn, and began an intensive correspondence, which he confided to me as being largely responsible for his thought processes in developing the particulars of how his system of stamped postage would be implemented. Mr. Košir showed me the letters he received from his partner in this venture, and drew my attention to the fact that Philatea's correspondence already bore stamps such as those that are now common in the Empire but were unknown at the time. These stamps featured the hopeful countenance of a young woman, the small portraits echoing perfectly the enthusiasm which Mr. Košir described himself feeling as he pursued his idea.
Once Mr. Košir submitted his plan to his superiors and saw the fruits of his labors realized, he ceased his correspondence, letting several congratulatory letters from Philatea remain unanswered, as he attended to other matters in his life and moved on to new professional pursuits. Eventually, the letters stopped arriving.
I am told by Mr. Košir that he had heard of our Commission and our investigatory duties in his work in Vienna, and wished to report this curious event. Mostly, so he said, out of a desire to see if Philatea was indeed a real person, to whom some credit for his successful invention should be given. I do get the distinct impression, however, that Mr. Košir is somewhat troubled by the mysterious provenance of the letters that he displayed to me.
The unusual nature of our meeting notwithstanding, my conversation with Mr. Košir was an enlightening and pleasant one. He did leave me, by way of our parting exchanges, with a sense of unmistakeable regret on his part, a sort of sorrow at the loss of this fantastic correspondence. He wistfully remarked, as older gentlemen are wont to, that he wished the matter had been just a little different, that he had not laid aside this mystery of his as he pursued the later course of life.
The notability of the personage involved in this occurrence is certainly unusual, and I believe the matter is worthy of further study. I have enclosed the correspondence referenced above, which Mr. Košir has so kindly provided to us for our purposes. We shall speak more of this when I arrive again in Buda Pest a fortnight hence.
Sealed and Signed,
Dezső Nemeş

Footnotes
1. The study of stamps and general postal history.
2. A unique stamp found only on SCP-2275 correspondence featuring a depiction of the 1934 Käthe Kollwitz lithograph "Tod packt eine Frau"
3. All bones manifested in this manner have been confirmed through DNA analyses as belonging to Lovrenc Košir, despite exhumation and accounting of skeletal remains
4. Translation: Where am I
5. Translation: freezing, cold
6. Translation: reply
7. Translation: cannot find me
8. Translation: a new development in postage
9. Translation: where have you gone my Lovrenc (presumably Lovrenc Košir -Ed.)
10. Translation: our work
11. Translation: where am I where am I where am I
12. Translation: help me piece myself
13. Translation: please Lovrenc
14. Translation: the committee recognizes genius
15. Translation: unnatural
16. Translation: my (insides?/innermost being?/entrails?)
17. Translation: no escape
18. Translation: forgotten in hell

« SCP-2274 | SCP-2275 | SCP-2276 »


NASA illustration of SCP-2276/1.

Item #: SCP-2276
Object Class: Keter
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2276 instances are to be reprogrammed with modified software as they are discovered, to prevent transmission conflicts with other instances and reduce their radio-frequency footprint. See Document 2276-W for details.
Instances are to be logged in civilian databases as small asteroids of equivalent visual magnitude as appropriate, depending on location.
Where possible, instances in orbit of earth are to be de-orbited and any debris recovered; otherwise any available station-keeping fuel is to be reserved for averting collisions with legitimate civilian satellites.
SCP-2276 instances may be used for gathering scientific data, however a number of restrictions apply. Use by external researchers or agencies must be approved and requires an appropriate non-disclosure agreement. Note that data pertaining to other SCP objects may have additional restrictions beyond those for SCP-2276. Under no circumstances is the data gathered by SCP-2276 (other than SCP-2276/1) to be released to the public.
Research into orbital debris removal is to be given high priority for funding. Grants may also be given to groups outside the Foundation for research in this area.
Description: SCP-2276 is a class of artificial space satellites, orbiting various bodies in pairs. (Each SCP instance designation refers to one pair.) Each pair is an exact duplicate of the original Gravity Recovery and Climate Experiment satellites (designated SCP-2276/1) as they existed at 18:04 on June 11, 2002. SCP-2276/1 was originally launched by NASA on March 17, 2002.
Instances are functional and will respond to commands transmitted to them. However, transmissions must be aimed directly when commanding instances that have not yet been reprogrammed per 2276-W, to avoid accidentally commanding multiple instances at once.

Orbital plot showing all instances in orbit of Earth as of 2008-12-31.

New instances of SCP-2276 will spontaneously manifest in orbit around Earth or another body. The rate at which new instances appeared was initially around one per 8 months. The rate has increased over time since then - around one new instance per day in early 2016 - and is predicted to continue rising.

SCP-2276/3b during inspection, following recovery from orbit.

991 instances have been discovered to date1, 347 of which are not in orbit of Earth. Orbits are all circular with varying altitudes, and are isotropically distributed. A complete catalog of SCP-2276 instances is available in Addendum A.
SCP-2276/3a and b were recovered from orbit on April 22, 2004. Physical inspection at Area 15 revealed no inconsistencies, and no anomalous phenomena occurred during quarantine. SCP-2276/3 is currently in storage at Site 73.
A third satellite was launched into proximity of SCP-2276-1 on January 4th, 2006 to conduct visual inspections of the satellites. No discrepancies have been found between the SCP-2276/1 and the satellite plans to date.
A number of collisions occurred between SCP-2276 instances and other artificial satellites in 2007-2009, prompting the addition of the active collision avoidance program to the containment measures. This has significantly reduced the incident rate.
While the rate of incidents arising from collisions with SCP-2276 remains manageable at the present time, SCP-2276 will likely pose a significant problem for space activities in the future, and may lead to an ablation cascade event2 within the next decade if actions are not taken to avert it.

Date
Instance
Description

2007‑01‑11
SCP‑2276/45
Collision occurs disabling SCP-2276/45a, b and Chinese weather satellite FY-1C. Officially reported as anti-satellite missile test.

2008‑02‑21
SCP‑2276/38
Collision occurs disabling SCP-2276/38a, b and United States spy satellite USA-193. Officially reported as anti-satellite missile test.

2009‑02‑10
SCP‑2276/63
Collision occurs disabling SCP-2276/63b, communications satellite Iridium 33, and retired communications satellite Kosmos 2251. Officially reported as collision between Iridium 33 and Kosmos 2251.

2013‑12‑09
SCP‑2276/437
Collision occurs disabling SCP-2276/437a and damaging CBERS-3 launch vehicle during ascent. SCP-2276/437a reenters two days following this event.

2016‑03‑26
SCP‑2276/859
Collision occurs disabling SCP-2276/859a and Japanese x-ray telescope Hitomi. Media suppression ongoing.

Addendum A: Catalog of SCP-2276 Instances
A table of the discovery date and initial orbital elements of each SCP-2276 instance is available for research use. See document 2276-B for information on how to access up-to-date ephemeris data.
Download Catalog
Addendum B: Use of SCP-2276 in researching other anomalies
Due to its nature, there are a number of SCP-2276 instances uniquely situated to gather data on other anomalies and SCP objects. With a few exceptions, use of SCP-2276 data to facilitate this type of research is generally permitted with proper clearance.

Research Target: SCP-2886
SCP-2276 instances involved: 316
Description: SCP-2276 has been used to help measure the mass of SCP-2886. Due to the presence of only one instance, SCP-2276/316, the resolution has been too limited to provide a clear subsurface imagery, but research is ongoing.

Research Target: SCP-1812
SCP-2276 instances involved: 696, 794
Description: Knowledge of SCP-2276/696 and SCP-2276/794 is restricted to individuals with 3/1812 clearance. No attempt is to be made to contact or locate SCP-2276/696 or SCP-2276/794.

Research Target: SCP-736
SCP-2276 instances involved: 295, 366, 485, 661, 774, 919, 975
Description: SCP-2276 has been used to provide precise data on the alterations in the orbit of Iapetus caused by SCP-736. This data has allowed vastly enhanced precision in the associated orbital projections. Missions are underway to attempt to remove all SCP-2276 instances from the orbit of Iapetus to avoid provoking SCP-736 further.

Research Target: SCP-2362
SCP-2276 instances involved: 672, 711, 877, 891
Description: Instances in orbit of SCP-2362 and SCP-2362-like objects are being used to study the nature of this anomaly, and monitor them in case of activity. Note that most instances of SCP-2276 in orbit of SCP-2362 were destroyed by debris following event 2362-A.

Footnotes
1. as of 2016-08-03
2. Sometimes referred to as 'Kessler Syndrome', although use of that term is discouraged.

« SCP-2275 | SCP-2276 | SCP-2277 »


close

Info

X
Eat more of my SCPs. Eat them all.
Also please eat some of these

Anabasis Hub Probably the greatest story involving a pair of redheaded siblings whose infighting causes the end of the world
Manna Charitable Foundation 2000 The sequel to the above, collaborationed with Dr Reach
The Stuff Industry What happens when everyone around you at work is a complete idiot and so are you, but not only does no one get fired, but you actually turn a profit? I don't know, some stuff.
When MCF and Stuff happen A fun story of incompetence

4/2277 LEVEL 4/2277
CLASSIFIED

Item #: SCP-2277
Object Class: Keter

Affected individual re-enacting "Death of Queens: She Suffers What She Must" from the "A" story induced by SCP-2277. Individual's identity and location are classified.

Special Containment Procedures: Foundation front companies have been established to work in cooperation with Cisco Systems, IBM, Microsoft, Intel, HP, and Dell, as well as other major networking vendors for the purpose of containing all future instances of SCP-2277. IP addresses linked to SCP-2277 are to be monitored1 and if practicable, re-assigned to a Foundation network at Sites-11, 442, and/or 19. Confirmed instances of SCP-2277 are to be blocked and/or removed from media-sharing sites as soon as possible.
Individuals affected by SCP-2277 are to be given amnestics if practicable. Otherwise, all attempts are to be made to reinforce the mythic and/or pseudo-historical nature of any persons, places, or nation-states known simply as "Andronica"/"Andronika"/"Andronike"2. A number of "conspiracy theory" websites are to be maintained by undercover Foundation personnel, providing multiple conflicting versions of the "Andronica" tale at all times. These individuals are to be recruited from civilian populations and not allowed contact with any Foundation personnel involved in SCP-2277.
Description: SCP-2277 is an unknown user or autonomous program of unknown origin which regularly engages in spamming or harassing phone calls to individuals using pre-recorded voices and unusual bursts of noise. In more recent years, SCP-2277 has begun to spam voice-over-IP services such as ████████, Ventrilo, Mumble, ███ ████, and Skype. SCP-2277 records these harassing calls and uploads audio with accompanying video to various sites, such as Youtube, Vimeo, and DailyMotion, under the guise of popular "Ventrilo Harassments" or "Soundboard Prank Calls". These videos are labeled as SCP-2277-A.
The videos often feature victims becoming enraged at the persistent verbal abuse and spam, and involves the interspersing humorous images and video clips to designate certain speakers. The uploader is frequently represented by an 8-bit animated image of Carl Sagan as he appeared in the 1980 series "Cosmos". Any further relation to Dr. Sagan and/or "Cosmos" is unknown or else nonexistent. SCP-2277-A's anomalous effects are apparently triggered by the bursts of noise interspersed in its harassment videos. Attempts to decode the noise have variably revealed them to be fragments of apparently mundane conversation between unknown persons, or otherwise background noise from an unidentified public area, with individuals speaking a variety of languages.
Individuals exposed to SCP-2277-A gradually develop a persistent delusion involving a fictitious individual, faction, or nation going variably by the names "Andronika"/"Andronike"/"Andronica"3. Depending on the individual, lack of universal knowledge of "Andronika" will lead to increased scrutiny of recent historical record and the perpetuation of certain conspiracy theories involving the destruction of "Andronika" and the suppression of any and all information relating to it/them. Persistent details on "Andronika" include:

A strong matriarchal society and/or strong emphasis on a female leadership
Heavy emphasis on ancient Greek/Roman history and philosophy, primarily military history, with a direct emphasis and references frequently made to the writings and persons of Thucydides, Gaius Julius Caesar, Polybius, Xenophon, [REDACTED], and rarely, Theodore Ayrault Dodge.
A strong emphasis on sex among military units as a means of cohesion and morale, examples citing the Sacred Band of Thebes4
A belief in a need for a system of eugenics variably involving a system of forced sterilization (or in certain instances, genocide) based along an unknown stratification uniformly known as "hiero-geneto-social" or "GS" for short. The basis of this system of classification is never elaborated upon.
A belief that the end of the world is imminent if these eugenics programs are not instituted.
A belief that a secretive para-governmental society is intentionally sabotaging attempts at trans-national reconciliation, or the formation of a singular global authority, known variously as "The Technics", "Eaters", "Khanates", and "Pleistoanarchs" ((Note: See Addendum))

Three classes of SCP-2277-A identification have been established among affected individuals.

Classifications

– hide block

A: In which "Andronika" is referred to as a tall, Caucasian woman with red hair and bright eyes (variously described as green, gray, or gold), often depicted with large breasts and wide hips. In these instances, "Andronika" is described as a former slave who escapes captivity using sex and her wit to deceive and trick oppressive male figures, while steadily gathering a cult-like following of individuals devoted to her. She is described as being highly sexual, often engaging her followers in sex, as well as being afflicted by a number of psychological ailments, descriptions of which match Tourette's Syndrome, Fregoli delusion, and schizoaffective disorder or possibly hypomania.
In the "A" version of events, Andronika is described as uniting varying peoples in the Balkan region of Europe, between 1890 and 1895, before somehow managing to usurp large portions of the Ottoman Empire in the Levant and Armenia, and establishing a "Queendom" based upon the principles listed above. Her story ends with a secretive coalition of European powers who apparently have her killed and begin to systematically hunt and kill her followers, before dismembering the states into tributaries and/or smaller states based upon national/religious lines.
Believers of this version of SCP-2277 often attribute the Middle-Eastern front of World War I and the Armenian Genocide by the Ottoman Turks to be cover-stories to hide the anti-"Andronikan" coalition.
B: In which "Andronika" is referred to a large centralized nation centered in Bosnia circa the mid-1800s. In this version of events, the nation-state of "Andronika" emerges as a confederation of wealthy nobles and merchants seeking independence from a fictitious entity known as the "Kingdom and Duchies of Germania Comata", encompassing portions of Austro-Hungary, Germany, and Bulgaria. "Andronika" is described as engaging in a lengthy campaign of crushing military victories, uniting Germany and Italy before becoming overextended and collapsing due to the "destabilizing efforts" of "foreign agents" variably described as English, American, Russian, and "Wendish"5.
Believers of this version of SCP-2277 often attribute the unification and formations of the modern states of Italy and Germany to be the result of Andronikan conquests. It is also said that the rise of nationalistic violence during this time is associated with the aforementioned "foreign agents" attempts at destabilizing Andronika.
C: In which "Andronika" is referred to a polyglot of eastern European bourgeoisie and guilds centered largely in northern Greece, Austria, and Romania who are brought together by an unknown group of women. None of the women are referred to as "Andronika", nor described in any further detail. At some point between 1899 and 1920, the "Andronika" faction emerges as a multi-national warband (described in-text as a modern-day Varangian Guard) with a long-term goal of manipulating regional politics to better accommodate the rise of a centralized "Andronikan" state.
Any potential corollary with actual history disappears around 1934, as the "Andronikans" emerge in this telling as a significant geo-political force. By 1937, they become engaged in a war with Nazi Germany in which the Andronikans appear to be victorious. Descriptions of female Andronikans at this point begin to describe the women as having super-human abilities, including being freeze- and fire-proof, bullet-resistant, and favoring melee combat with anachronous large shields and short spears made of an unknown metal described as "gleaming red-gold". An occupation of Germany begins, in which the Andronikans fail to integrate the German people, leading to a large-scale revolt in which other world powers are brought in to stop an Andronikan genocide.
"C" affected individuals tend to be fewer in number and less likely to insist upon the veracity of the story, possibly due to the higher level of deviancy from historical records.

A small number (██%) of individuals affected by SCP-2277-A, regardless of which classification they are bound to, begin to display symptoms roughly analogous to those described as afflicting the person "Andronika" depicted in series "A" of SCP-2277-A classifications.
Efforts to stop the effects of SCP-2277-A have been largely unsuccessful, as the use of amnestics has had an only temporary effect in suppressing memory of "Andronika". Repeated administration of amnestics was found to be necessary to remove memory of SCP-2277-A for a period of ██ - 25 years. However, due to risk of auto-immune and/or neurological disorder as a result, frequent use of amnestics has been banned and new containment procedures initiated to minimize the potential impact of pre-existing affected individuals.
Addendum: As Foundation containment procedures were implemented, certain individuals affected by SCP-2277 began to become aware of efforts made by Foundation front companies to mitigate SCP-2277's spread. A DDoS (distributed denial of service) was launched upon █ mis-information websites maintained by Foundation fronts. A fresh source of SCP-2277-A was found being distributed as a pornographic video. Audio is consistent with prior instances of SCP-2277-A.
Interviews with affected individuals of SCP-2277 have indicated an apparent awareness by SCP-2277 of Foundation efforts to contain it. Stories involving "Andronika" have been updated to incriminate an ersatz-Foundation known as the "Society for the Consolidation of Power" as being involved in each iteration of Andronika's downfall. Information posted by affected individuals on forums and websites have increasingly contained details regarding this "Society" and its activities, as well as its secretive "Council of Thirteen" engaging in secretive activity to infiltrate world governments for the express purpose of suppressing knowledge of "Andronika" and perpetuating a supposed "GS"-based system. Many of the details regarding the Society's hierarchical structure have been found to be similar to that used by the SCP Foundation.
As of ██/██/2014, no sensitive information has been "leaked", although the websites in question have been taken down and the affected individuals involved have been detained by Foundation personnel until such time as a makeshift solution can be found to mitigate the potential risk of exposure of Foundation personnel or assets working on SCP-2277. Despite the absence of any information relating to the Foundation's containment of anomalous items/[REDACTED], SCP-2277 has been upgraded to Keter and all measures should be taken to prevent further "leak" of information relating to the fictitious "Society for the Consolidation of Power".

Footnotes
1. Due to the nature of SCP-2277 and its apparent use of "spoofing" or otherwise hijacking networks, IP addresses linked to SCP-2277 are not to be immediately disconnected from their internet service providers.
2. Exceptions with regards to historical individuals of Greek/Roman ancestry bearing the name "Andronicus"/"Andronikos" or their female equivalents. Any unconfirmed references to an Andronicus/Andronikos in modern and/or recent literature is to be suppressed until confirmation with primary source material is made.
3. The most common spelling used has been "Andronika" and will be used in this document for brevity
4. Note: "Andronikan" military forces are depicted as largely female, implying a strong emphasis on homosexual relations, although reference to integrated male units have been found.
5. "Wend" is a Medieval-era term referring to Slavic peoples living in Germanic areas

« SCP-2276 | SCP-2277 | SCP-2278 »


The Rhine river above SCP-2278's source.

Item #: SCP-2278
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures:
In site containment of SCP-2278 has been approved as of 21/6/1996. All standard regulations pertaining to the Genius Loci protocol apply. Remote monitoring of the containment perimeter is to follow the protocol guidelines for low threat anomalies.
Direct inspection of the cave's soundproofing is to be conducted twice a year; maintenance access to the underground chamber where SCP-2278-A resides requires standard diving equipment, a 5 g ingot of fine gold and active sound-canceling headphones.
Communication efforts to skew popular representation of the local legends towards their less threatening versions are to be made and periodically evaluated.
Description:
SCP-2278 is a cognitohazardous sound pattern originating from a cave at 50° 08′ 22″ N, 7° 43′ 44″ E near the town of Sankt Goarshausen in Germany. The place had been known for centuries as the location of a peculiar echo, but only attracted wide attention from the early 19th century onwards. Cognitohazardous effects are not tied to the original source of the sound and recordings are equally hazardous. However, testing has shown filtering out the 6-8 kHz band renders both direct exposure and recordings innocuous, which indicates the cognitohazard is most likely tied to a pattern of harmonics in that band.

Maintenance log (audio excerpt) - SCP-2278/15-8-1996-ML-1

The following excerpt was recorded during the first scheduled maintenance of the containment perimeter. It is representative of current SCP-2278 activity. Cognitohazardous harmonics in the 6-8 kHz band have been scrubbed, making it safe to listen to.

In the closest areas accessible to the public, sound pressure averaged 35 dB before soundproofing of the cave and was not easily distinguished from other background noise. Exposure to SCP-2278 in those conditions was mildly cognitohazardous, causing disorientation and uneasiness, as well as suicidal ideation in depressed subjects. Such effects were only temporary, disappearing when perception of the pattern was discontinued. Cognitohazardous effects at ground level stopped after the cave was soundproofed in 1996.
Direct exposure to SCP-2278 in the cave itself causes more pronounced effects, the most notable being catatonia and a significant perceptual time dilation. After-effects can last for several months, manifesting as dysthymia or low-grade clinical melancholy. Sound pressure at the source is variable but routinely reaches 130 dB, making it a direct physical hazard.
The anomalous nature of SCP-2278 was not discovered until advances in statistical analysis revealed a higher than average mortality rate in the area. Several drownings and barge wreckings first thought to be accidental have since been re-qualified.
The signal's source itself was serendipitously identified during an investigation into the disappearance of several divers in the immediate area. After contact with Agent L██████ was lost, his beacon kept emitting from a location inside the rock. The retrieval team found no access to the beacon's location until Agent D██████ accessed a previously unseen underwater tunnel. Later testing showed the entrance appears as an impenetrable rocky talus to anyone not carrying gold. Both Agent L██████ and Agent D██████ wore gold signet rings.
After a short sump, the entrance tunnel leads into an irregularly shaped underground hall, 47 m (l) x 23 m (w) x 27 m (h) in its largest dimensions. Most of the hall is occupied by the carcass of a creature, laying in pooled red water, from which the anomalous sound pattern emanates. The carcass, designated SCP-2278-A, resembles that of a specimen of Balaenoptera musculus in an advanced state of decay. It possesses several features reminiscent of Homo sapiens : misshapen arms and legs, a mane of fine blonde hair and a human-like, feminine face.
Necropsy of SCP-2278-A has shown an aberrant genetic makeup with only passable correspondences with B. musculus and H. sapiens genomes. The analyzed tissue is heavily contaminated by organic pollutants: organophosphates, dinitro-ortho-cresol, endosulfan, mercury ethoxyethyl-hydroxyde, dyes and other compounds. This contaminant profile matches both that of the red water found in the cave and of the 1986 Schweizerhalle chemical spill.
37 human bodies were recovered from the cave, in various states of decay. Autopsy of the freshest ones indicate death from exposure and dehydration. Unconsumed supplies were recovered, lending credence to the hypothesis that direct SCP-2278 exposure causes a deep and acute form of melancholia. None of the recovered artifacts were older than the second quarter of the 19th century.
Given the touristic nature of the site, non-destructive extraction of SCP-2278-A is not feasible. In situ containment, tentative Euclid classification and application of the Genius Loci protocol were requested on 11/5/1996 and subsequently approved. ISO 7010-W003 signage is installed underwater near the entrance to discourage access. A secure airlock was built to restrict access through the tunnel. The main hall was soundproofed with 50 cm of low pressure spray polyurethane foam.
Addendum: Internal Memo - DoE/LdC/18-4-1996-IM-1

Complete and undisturbed. What a lovely para-archeological record. Heine, 1824. Nothing we recovered was much older than the poem. This isn't the first anomaly we find that was created through manifestation of belief. This is, however, the first time we have solid, material proof towards that hypothesis. Only time will tell if the Genius Loci protocol can alter those anomalies just enough to make them non threatening. But this is our perfect test subject.

  Louise de Chavialle,

  Director,
  Department of Ethnography.

« SCP-2277 | SCP-2278 | SCP-2279 »


Item #: SCP-2279
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: A false construction project has been set up around SCP-2279 to prevent civilians from entering the structure. The interior of the anomaly is to be monitored via surveillance cameras.
Only Foundation operatives are allowed into SCP-2279. Testing of D-Class must be carefully monitored to observe the requirements for SCP-2279 activation.
Description: SCP-2279 is a pet store located in ███████, Tennessee. A sign reading "THE PEOPLE'S PET SHOP" hangs above the door of the structure. The building lacks windows and its only entrance is the front door. SCP-2279 is occupied by various domesticated animals, hereby designated SCP-2279-A, and humanoid entities, hereby designated SCP-2279-B.
While humans are not within SCP-22791, instances of SCP-2279-A are almost always seriously wounded in some manner, such as missing limbs, mutilated faces, and infected gashes running all along their bodies. While inside of SCP-2279, these entities seem to be in constant pain due to their injuries. Occasionally a new instance of SCP-2279-A will manifest within the structure. SCP-2279-A entities cannot be killed by any conventional means.
Instances of SCP-2279-B do not manifest unless a human enters the structure. At this time, the wounds on SCP-2279-A entities will appear to have healed either considerably or entirely. Upon entering SCP-2279, one of two events will occur: either the subject will be mostly ignored by SCP-2279-A and SCP-2279-B entities until they leave or the subject will be approached by one instance of SCP-2279-B, who will insist that the subject purchase a very specific SCP-2279-A entity for either large sums of money or in exchange for something very personal. Any attempts to purchase anything other than what is offered when it is offered will be met with resistance. The former situation has occurred almost every time the Foundation has attempted to research the anomaly following its discovery2, while the latter usually happens when an unaware civilian enters the structure. Persons without knowledge of SCP-2279's anomalous nature seem to be somewhat drawn to enter the structure. Currently, the criteria for this is unknown.
If the subject refuses to take the suggestion, the SCP-2279-B entities will bar the subject from leaving physically until they have agreed to take the instance of SCP-2279-A home. In these cases, SCP-2279-B entities exhibited great physical strength and resilience3.
Once the entity is taken to the subject's place of residence, an anomalous event will be triggered. This event consists of five stages and takes place over the course of eleven (11) weeks on average.

Stage
Length of Time After Purchase
Description

Stage 1
Less than two (2) weeks
Nothing unusual can be seen in either subject as of yet. However, the human subject becomes unable to die upon leaving SCP-2279.

Stage 2
Two (2) to six (6) weeks
Minor wounds on SCP-2279-A begin to worsen at a rapid rate, often for no visible reason. Their owner will express increasing amounts of distress for the condition of the entity whether or not they are aware of their injuries.

Stage 3
Six (6) to eight (8) weeks
Wounds covering the SCP-2279-A entity begin to heal and start to manifest on the subject. The subject will often not acknowledge that the entity's health appears to be improving as well as their own failing health. At this point, they will forgo eating, drinking, and sleeping in order to care for the entity. This distress and manifestation of injuries occurs even when the subject is unable to actually view or have any knowledge about SCP-2279-A.

Stage 4
Eight (8) to ten (10) weeks
During this time period, the owner's condition will worsen until they are physically incapable of moving, usually due to the deterioration of their muscles. The SCP-2279-A instance will become healthier during this time to the point where they are in a better condition than they appeared to be in when intitally leaving SCP-2279.

Stage 5
Ten (10) to eleven (11) weeks
SCP-2279-A will consume the immobile subject and demanifest.

Interview-2279-Eta: On 05/12/2012, Foundation agents entered SCP-2279 with the intention of continuing observation and collecting data on the anomaly. At this point, several interviews with SCP-2279-B had already been conducted.

Interviewed: SCP-2279-B-17
Interviewer: Agent Fredricks, Agent Timmons
Foreword: As per Foundation protocol, Agent Fredricks was accompanied by a newer Foundation operative so that they could gain field experience. The operative in question was Agent █████ Timmons.
<Begin Log>
Fredricks: Hello, SCP-2279-B-17.
SCP-2279-B-17: Oh, hey, you again. I don't suppose you'd be any more willing to call me "Sam" than you were the last three times, hm?
Fredricks: B-17, I believe you know the answer to that already.
SCP-2279-B-17: [sighs audibly, notices Agent Timmons] Oooh, they're new, aren't they? Welcome to the People's Pet Shop, where second chances really do happen. You look like you could use some company? Especially since your apartment has become [prolonged exhale] so much quieter recently, hmm?
Timmons: I—
Fredricks: [interrupting] B-17, I believe I am addressing you right now. Now—
SCP-2279-B-17: [interrupting] Oh, shut up, it's not like you were gonna ask anything new anyway. [addressing Timmons] Sooo, how would you like to take… this one? [offers Agent Timmons a calico cat, hereby referred to as SCP-2279-A-042.4]
Timmons: [stares at SCP-2279-A-042] I… I can't…
SCP-2279-B-17: Oh, I assure you, miss, you can. Don't you want her? She seems to really want you.
Timmons: Please… I don't… I didn't mean to…
Fredricks: Agent, I… [clears his throat] I believe at this time that it would be our best option to take it. We will study this more back at the site.
Timmons: …Yes, sir.
SCP-2279-B-17: [looking directly at Agent Timmons one eyebrow raised, smiling] Have a nice day, now.
<End Log>
Closing Statement: Agent Fredricks and Agent Timmons escorted SCP-2279-A-042 to Site 23. The entity was placed into Temporary Containment Chamber #242 while Agent Fredricks escorted Agent Timmons to be interviewed in order to more fully investigate the anomaly. See Interview-2279-Theta.

Interview-2279-Theta:

Interviewed: Agent Timmons
Interviewer: Agent Harmon
Foreword: This interview took place immediately following the events of Interview-2279-Eta.
<Begin Log>
Harmon: Agent Timmons. For the sake of this log, please summarize the events leading up to this interview.
Timmons: [silence for several seconds before speaking. When she does, she speaks softly and slowly] I was investigating SCP-2279 with Agent Fredricks. I came along to get experience working as an operative of the Foundation. I was addressed by one of the entities associated with the anomaly, who offered me Eil— [stops herself, gulps] SCP-2279-A-042. Given that all noted previous attempts by other persons to exit SCP-2279 without accepting the offer before this point had been met with harsh physical resistance, it was determined that the best course of action would be to comply with the entity. SCP-2279-A-042 is currently contained in a temporary holding cell.
Harmon: Excellent. Now, Timmons, you seem to recognize this entity.
Timmons: Yes.
Harmon: Can you tell me how?
Timmons: [pauses for approximately five (5) seconds] The entity looks identical to my old pet, Eileen, who died a few months ago.
Harmon: I see. How did she die?
Timmons: [pauses for approximately ten (10) seconds] I… I made a mistake. I was trying this new thing, something fun for myself, making a pizza. I got everything out: the dough, the cheese, the pepperoni, everything, when my friend called, said it was an emergency. I rushed over only to find it was a surprise party for… well, me. She noticed I had been a little down at the time and thought it could cheer me up. And it did. But I was there for so long that I lost track of time and ended up staying overnight. When I got home I… I… [gulps] Did you know that raw bread dough is poisonous to cats? I didn't. I sure didn't. I… found her, curled up in my closet and… and… [trails off]
Harmon: I believe that's enough about that incident. Was this pet treated well prior to this?
Timmons: I tried, certainly. But I was struggling at the time, just trying to get by and… some days it was hard to remember to find time for her. To take care of her. To… [long inhale] to feed her. I… wanted to give her a good home but I guess… [trails off]
Harmon: I see. Thank you, Agent Timmons. Now, I'm sure you're aware that, due to the nature of this anomaly, we unfortunately cannot let you go. You will be escorted to a temporary holding cell until we can find a way to take care of this.
Timmons: I understand. Thank you.
<End Log>
Closing Statement: Agent Timmons was escorted to Temporary Humanoid Holding Chamber #422 immediately after this interview.

Footnotes
1. This does not include non-human observation methods, such as surveillance cameras.
2. See Addendum-2279-Eta for an exception to this.
3. During one such occurrance, a civilian stabbed the entity multiple times. The SCP-2279-B instance showed no signs of registering the physical harm and continued to block the exit until the civilian accepted the SCP-2279-A entity.
4. This specimen is notable as it had no visible wounds while under surveillance. Instead, it repeatedly vomited, exhibited inhibited motor control, and extreme trouble breathing.

« SCP-2278 | SCP-2279 | SCP-2280 »


Item #: SCP-2280
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2280 is kept in a dedicated paddock measuring 1 km² in area at Biological Research Area-12, surrounded by a 10 m buffer zone. This paddock is fenced in by 4 m tall reinforced concrete walls with infrared cameras mounted every 10 m along the periphery. Automatic watering and supplemental feed troughs are provided for the use of SCP-2280. All other care needs, including veterinary care, are to be handled via telepresence robots.
No vertebrate animal is allowed within 8 m of SCP-2280 outside of experimentation. Should any animal become affected by SCP-2280's properties, attempts will be made to retrieve the body before SCP-2280 can finish consuming it. Should these attempts fail, fluoroprotein fire suppression foam must be sprayed over SCP-2280 beginning 5 minutes prior to the following sunrise until the final effect has ceased.
Description: SCP-2280 is an adult female Bos taurus whose tissues absorb 100% of all electromagnetic radiation with wavelength between 370 nm and 770 nm1. This results in SCP-2280 appearing as a pure black silhouette from any angle, without visible details. Aside from this and the additional anomalous properties described below, SCP-2280 is genetically and functionally identical to a non-anomalous cow, including diet and thermal signature.
If any vertebrate animal weighing more than 2 kg comes within 5.25 m of SCP-2280, there is an approximately 50% probability that it will become neuromuscularly paralyzed. If this occurs, SCP-2280 will approach the paralyzed animal and consume it in no more than 1.5 hours, despite being otherwise herbivorous. For creatures which are too large for SCP-2280 to swallow whole, it will use its hooves and incisors to separate soft tissues from the skeletal system into bite-sized chunks, as well as break or crush overly large bony structures into more readily-consumable sizes.
The following sunrise, SCP-2280 will go into labor and give birth to an instance of SCP-2280-1, an animal of identical morphology to the consumed animal, with the exception that it emits light at 100,000 lux equally along the entire wavelength spectrum of 370-770 nm. Approximately 95% of SCP-2280-1 instances are stillborn, and their luminence rapidly decreases to the point that they are observably identical to the animal that SCP-2280 had consumed. SCP-2280 will ignore these instances, which can be retrieved for later analysis. The remaining 5% of SCP-2280-1 will immediately rise after being born and move to suckle from SCP-2280, regardless of the species of their originating animal. After suckling for no more than 15 minutes, the instance of SCP-2280-1 will move away from SCP-2280, increase temperature to more than 1000 Cº within 0.4 seconds, and jump directly upwards. It will then accelerate upwards at approximately 37 m/s² before abruptly vanishing 1.7 km above the ground.
Instances of SCP-2280-1 resulting from D-class personnel have not responded to communication attempts, but have been heard mumbling in an unknown language. Linguistic analysis has not succeeded in translating their speech, but have noted similarities to languages in the Afroasiatic family, particularly Coptic Egyptian2.

Footnotes
1. Encompassing the visible light spectrum.
2. Use of SCP-3223-1 as a potential translator is currently pending review.

« SCP-2279 | SCP-2280 | SCP-2281 »


Item #: SCP-2281
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2281 has been disengaged from the rest of the Interstate Highway System through a Foundation-instigated landslide. U.S. Route 50 has been rerouted roughly 10 kilometers north of SCP-2281.
The property has been surrounded by a warehouse complex under the front company "Security Construction Programs" which is designated Containment Sector-77. Due to the stability of SCP-2281, once per year MTF-ψ-7 "Home Improvement" stages a high-level training on this property, and personnel within Containment Sector-77 should consult their Level 3 supervisor as to their instructions during that time. SCP-2281 currently has no research projects associated with it.
Description: SCP-2281 is a 1.2 km stretch of road which was formerly a part of U.S. Route 50. SCP-2281 is located near Delta, Utah and contains a steep turn with little warning. Irregular auditory anomalies occur in vehicles which travel along SCP-2281 at a speed higher than the previously posted speed limit of 60 miles per hour (approximately 97 kilometers per hour).
Auditory anomalies manifest in the rear seat on the driver's side of vehicles. Initially this manifests as a request for vehicle operators to slow their vehicles to comply with the posted speed limit. SCP-2281's effect, however, triggers irregularly. Manifestations tend to occur more frequently in situations that involve circumstances which impair driver performance. Heightened levels of occurrence have been shown to correlate to nighttime driving, driving in difficult weather conditions, and driving while intoxicated.
Prior to discovery, SCP-2281 was noted by the Utah Department of Transportation to have statistically higher accident rates than similar roads, with records indicating an elevated accident rate as early as 1928. A Foundation agent passing through the area on December 8th, 1984 experienced SCP-2281's effect, and began enacting containment. Containment Sector-77 has been considered to be fully operational since September 18th, 1985, and SCP-2281 has been classified as Safe since that time.

Addendum 2281-A: On 01/22/2003, Foundation personnel were able to communicate with SCP-2281. Further interviews were infrequent and yielded little additional information, and testing was subsequently re-terminated.
Interviewed: SCP-2281
Interviewer: Agent Boyd
Foreword: Log recorded while Agent Boyd was driving a Foundation vehicle on SCP-2281
<Begin Log>Agent Boyd: Who are you?Agent Boyd: Can you state your identity?Agent Boyd: Well, what do you call yourself?Agent Boyd: From where do those names originate?Agent Boyd: Why do you talk to the drivers who go down this road?Agent Boyd: Who is Denton?Agent Boyd: Why do you stay on this road?Agent Boyd: Thank you for your cooperation.

Addendum 2281-B: Subsequent investigation revealed a Highway Patrolman named Calvin Denton had formerly worked along this route, but he had been killed in a traffic collision while off-duty in 1999.

LEVEL 3 ACCESS REQUIRED

#########

Addendum 2281-C: On 06/14/2009, Foundation agents discovered that Calvin Denton had not been killed in 1999. This discovery was made after Mr. Denton entered Foundation custody following his participation as an agent in an operation opposing Foundation interests. This interview was taken after his capture. During his custody, Mr. Denton attempted to alert Foundation personnel as to the existence of SCP-2281, and was not aware of its current containment procedures.

Interviewed: Calvin Denton [GOC Agent]
Interviewer: Agent Aaron Ekblad
Foreword: Interview took place within Sector-85.
<Begin Log>
Agent Ekblad: Hello, Mister Denton.
Calvin Denton: Afternoon, I think.
Agent Ekblad: Are you aware of why you are being questioned today?
Calvin Denton: I am.
Agent Ekblad: What is your relationship with the anomaly classified as SCP-2281?
Calvin Denton: It's how I found out about the… veil? Whatever you wanna call it. I was driving down the Interstate, and it just started talking to me one day. It said he was just around and wanted to talk.
Agent Ekblad: You communicated with the entity?
Calvin Denton: Multiple times. The first few I was kinda bewildered, but after the third time I said if I found it again, I'd tell it to do something constructive.
Agent Ekblad: What did you do?
Calvin Denton: There'd been a lot of accidents on this road for a long time, so I told him that he should try and do something about it, since it was a pretty dangerous stretch of road.
Agent Ekblad: Were you aware of the object's properties?
Calvin Denton: I just knew that the thing could talk to me at will, and it seemed to be invisible. Thought it might've been the big guy, but I know better now.
Agent Ekblad: Why didn't you report this to the GOC when they hired you?
Calvin Denton: Well, you know how we do our business. I just… you know, it was the first thing I ever found, before any of this ever happened. And it was mostly harmless! Didn't do anything to anyone. It's just… sentiment, I guess. I'm pretty glad to hear that you guys have a hold of him, though. I guess he'll be okay.
<End Log>
Closing Statement: Following this interview, and pursuant to previous agreements with the GOC, Calvin Denton was released from Foundation custody. Though the subject has since continued his work with the GOC, he has been noted as an especially promising candidate for Foundation recruitment.

« SCP-2280 | SCP-2281 | SCP-2282 »


Item #: SCP-2282
Object Class: Neutralized (formerly Euclid)
Special Containment Procedures: (Former. SCP-2282 is now deceased.) SCP-2282 is to be kept under the care of the Area-12 Parazoology Department in an outdoor enclosure. SCP-2282 should never come closer than a distance of one hundred meters (100 m) to any structure or tree. SCP-2282 is to have appropriate maintenance for a domestic goat.
Description: SCP-2282 is a female young mammal of a unique subspecies closely related to Capra aegagrus hircus, classified as C. a. spatium. SCP-2282 is of normal size and externally identical to a common domesticated goat. SCP-2282's skeletal, muscular, and cranial anatomy is identical.
SCP-2282's digestive tract is a highly non-Euclidean array of spacial distortions warped to increase its internal volume to at least seventeen thousand cubic meters (17,000 m³), consisting of over eight thousand (8000) separate stomachs. The digestive tract of SCP-2282 is complicated and nonlinear with seemingly no organized purpose. The total mass of SCP-2282 is at least sixteen million kilograms (16,000,000 kg), but externally appears to have a mass of only 89 kg, a normal amount for a goat of its apparent breed. These additional organs also apparently do not require additional sustenance to function, as SCP-2282's material diet is normal.
SCP-2282 consumes matter by incorporating the space that contains that matter into its own body. This space is removed from an area near SCP-2282's mouth while grazing, and manipulated so that its exterior is shrunk as it is transported to inside of SCP-2282's digestive tract. The cavity this creates within SCP-2282 is then filled with new flesh and organs. SCP-2282 consumes approximately three cubic meters (3 m³) per day.
Addendum: SCP-2282 was discovered on 3 Feb 2001 on a goat ranch in central California after Foundation gravitational-wave observatories in Area-6, Area-22, and Site-20 began detecting a small, regular tremor in the curvature of spacetime. The anomaly was triangulated, and the farm was investigated and purchased after the effect was confirmed.
Addendum: Correspondence between Dr. Carrs and Overwatch Council, 22 Apr 2014
SCP-2282 has begun showing signs of aging and ill health appropriate to a goat of its age. Barring more intense medical care, it has maybe four more months left alive. I am seeking approval to euthanize SCP-2282 on 1 May 2014 before it dies of natural causes to allow it to decease in a controlled environment, and to study its anatomy before it undergoes organ failure. - Dr. Carrs
Approved. - O5-9
Addendum: Euthanasia of SCP-2282 proceeded as planned until the moment of death. After injection by Dr. Dangson, SCP-2282's interior instantaneously distorted itself to match Euclidean space. This resulted in a bubble of new space sixty-seven meters (67 m) in diameter appearing from SCP-2282's abdomen, warping all space in the surrounding area.
Dr. Dangson, standing directly next to SCP-2282 during the distortion, was killed instantaneously from massive anatomical deformation. Dr. Carrs entered critical condition and died six hours later from cerebral hemorrhaging. Dr. Ohman and Dr. Jept suffered severe skeletal and anatomical deformation; Dr. Jept required amputation of his left arm and leg, and Dr. Ohman is currently undergoing intensive physical therapy to regain full mobility.
The sphere of new space was filled with goat entrails which immediately collapsed to fill the dimple in the ground created by the distortion and overflow into the surrounding area.
Addendum: Excavation of SCP-2282's remains has revealed that some of SCP-2282's stomachs were not filled with digestive fluid, and contained objects that were kept relatively well preserved, including several that would have been too large for SCP-2282 to have consumed whole. Objects currently discovered in the remains include:

1 wooden architectural ruler
4 Tic Tac brand candy boxes (empty, various flavors)
1 "Pikachu Pedometer" instruction booklet
11 rocks (various sizes)
1 large wood lathe
22 various wood lathe tools
7 playing cards (standard)
9 playing cards (identified as part of the "7th Sea Collectible Card Game")
1 giraffe skeleton (whole)
1 halogen light bulb
1 stainless steel dresser
191 Elmer's brand glue sticks
1 beehive (whole, dormant)
6 vacuum tubes

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