Item #: SCP-2703
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: Mobile Task Forces Zeta-16-01, -02, and -03 (respectively referred to as "Newspaper's Boys", "Gearlist" and "Restraining Orders") have been organized with the purpose of locating the different manifestations of SCP-2703. MTF-Zeta-16-01 is to confiscate all newspapers containing instances of SCP-2703. The newspapers are to be held in a Level-2 Document Locker at Site-98.
MTF-Zeta-16-02 is to track and delete instances of SCP-2703 found in advertisements websites. Websites' domains with continued manifestations of SCP-2703 are to be blocked from all major internet service providers.
MTF-Zeta-16-03 is to erase instances of SCP-2703 written on public restroom doors. Locations with continued manifestations of SCP-2703 are to be bought by a Foundation front company and designed as Provisional Site-98-X.
Civilians coming in contact with SCP-2703 are to be administered Class-C amnestics. During testing, a minimum of 1 Foundation-owned restaurant is to be available in the area of Manchester.
Update: As of 2017/██/██, MTF-Zeta-16-01 and -02 have been disbanded. MTF-Zeta-16-03 is to erase instances of SCP-2703 present in women's public restrooms.
Description: SCP-2703 is the message "For a good time call: 092-791-697-518-6" manifesting on newspaper announcements, advertisements websites and on public restroom doors in the city of Manchester, United Kingdom.
Should an individual (referred to as the subject) call the number on a telephone of any kind after reading SCP-2703, an entity (referred to as SCP-2703-1) will manifest within 2 to 5 hours, usually 3 meters in front of the subject. This effect is triggered only if the subjects are aware of the literal meaning of the message, and if they have read an original instance of SCP-2703. Copies and photographs of SCP-2703 do not display its anomalous properties.
SCP-2703-1 is a tripedal digitigrade avian creature, similar to an Eurasian Eagle-Owl (Bubo bubo), possessing elongated caprine horns and leporine ears, standing 1.77m tall. SCP-2703-1 possesses 5 tentacle-like appendages of adjustable length, located on its back. Each appendage is of different colour (red, pink, yellow, blue and green) and is safe for human consumption1. Tests confirmed that the blood of subjects having eaten SCP-2703-1's appendages contained high levels of serotonin and dopamine.
SCP-2703-1 has thus far been fluent in every language presented to it, but communicates solely with the subject. SCP-2703-1's favourite method of communication is by singing in a mezzo-soprano voice, but it will stop if asked to. Despite referring to itself as "Countess of Folas, Duchess of Fatyma and Marquisette of Dispria", SCP-2703-1 equally responds to any given name.
SCP-2703-1's only apparent goal is to entertain the subjects with pleasurable recreational activities, such as attending theatrical performances. SCP-2703-1 does so by teleporting the subjects and itself in a location chosen by the subjects. This effect is limited only to theaters, movie theaters, restaurants and pubs. Following a 24-hours period, SCP-2703-1 will demanifest, after thanking the subjects with a 50 second long song performed in an operatic style, where it displays its gratitude towards them. However, should the subject ask it politely to leave before the 24-hour lapse, SCP-2703-1 will demanifest following a 20 seconds song.
Addendum 2703-1: The following are excerpts from Testing Logs 2703-11-A to -D.
Testing Log 2703-11-A - 2017/██/██

Subject(s): D-6053 (Male, 39), SCP-2703-1
Procedure: D-6053 was made aware of SCP-2703-1's nature. Upon manifestation, D-6053 was ordered to ask SCP-2703-1 to teleport him to [REDACTED], a Foundation-front restaurant. An area of 100 m² was evacuated.
Results: D-6053 and SCP-2703-1 talked for 1 hour about various topics, such as fate and the meaning of love. D-6053 ordered roasted beef, while SCP-2703-1 ordered 2 kg of raw tuna (Thunnus). D-6053 was then ordered to politely ask it to leave. Following the demanifestation event, a total of £ 290.97 materialized within the restaurant's cash register.
Analysis: SCP-2703-1's ability to materialize currency was unknown before Testing Log 2703-11-A. Previous testing showed that this was, in fact, the first time it used this ability. Further research is ongoing -Dr. N████.

Testing Log 2703-11-B - 2017/██/██

Subject(s): D-6175 (Male, 27), SCP-2703-1
Procedure: Testing was done to determine in what circumstances SCP-2703-1 materializes the currency. The procedure was the same as in Testing Log 2703-11-A.
Results: Despite being made aware of SCP-2703-1's nature, D-6175 screamed in terror upon SCP-2703-1's manifestation. SCP-2703-1 dematerialized shortly after. Testing was aborted.
Analysis: It is to be noted that SCP-2703-1 showed signs of great distress before dematerializing. Future testing is to be done with less impressionable personnel. -Dr. N████.

Testing Log 2703-11-C - 2017/██/██

Subject(s): D-6342 (Male, 46), SCP-2703-1
Procedure: D-6342 was made aware of SCP-2703-1's nature, and was ordered to not scream upon its manifestation. The procedure was otherwise the same as the previous experiments.
Results: SCP-2703-1 materialized 7 hours after, instead of the usual 2 to 5 hours. SCP-2703-1 talked with a monotone voice and refused to eat anything. SCP-2703-1 dematerialized without warning 25 minutes after.
Analysis: SCP-2703-1 was completely indifferent during the whole testing. I am not sure, but I think it just got depressed. -Dr. N████.

Testing Log 2703-11-D - 2017/██/██

Subject(s): D-6471 (Female, 26), SCP-2703-1
Procedure: The procedure was the same as the previous experiments.
Results: SCP-2703-1 talked with D-6471 about various topics, singing in a mezzo-soprano voice, ordering 10 kg of various feline meats. When D-6471 was ordered to politely ask it to leave, SCP-2703-1 asked D-6471 to embrace it before leaving. D-6471 was ordered to embrace the entity. Following the demanifestation event, a total of £ 10,000 materialized within the restaurant's cash register.
Analysis: SCP-2703-1 seemingly recovered from its depression. It is to be noted that SCP-2703-1 has displayed this kind of behaviour to all female personnel, as seen in Testing Logs 2703-11-E to 11-R. -Dr. N████.

Addendum 2703-2: Notes on SCP-2703's current status.
Following the events depicted in Testing Log 2703-11-D, SCP-2703's manifestations have doubled. However, SCP-2703 currently manifests exclusively on women's public restroom doors, and its anomalous effects are triggered exclusively by female subjects.

Footnotes
1. See Testing Log 2703-05-C, where it offered D-3590 a piece of its blue appendage.

« SCP-2702 | SCP-2703 | SCP-2704 »


SYTYCFanon & FlyPurgatorio

SCP-2704- The Lonely Star
Fanon's Author Page
Fly's Author Page

SCiP.net Secure Chatroom Server USWYPC #6
In accordance with Ethics Directive 84753-K, all communications sent within SCiP.net Secure Chatrooms can only be accessed via a unique 512-bit encryption key sent to each individual user. Personnel are prohibited from tapping SCiP.net communications and anyone caught doing so will be subject to an Ethics Committee inquiry.
Thank you for using SCiP.net SecureChat, and have a pleasant conversation!

Currently Chatting:
Researcher Maria M. Johnston
Department Head of Parabiological Sciences, Arms and Equipment, Site-78
Researcher Gregory J. Chudley
Department Head of MAUDE, Site-78

Chudley: Hey Johnston, gotta sec?

Johnston: I got a few minutes, what's up?

Chudley: Have you ever noticed anything wrong with SCP-2704 on SCiP.net?

Johnston: No? Give me a sec to go to the series page.

Johnston: The URL is unusable, that's not that strange. There's a few SCP numbers that we're not allowed to use, like 3775. I was hoping that when we switch over to SCiPJump they'd fix that issue.

Chudley: That's what anyone would think at first glance, but I think something used to be in that slot. Take a look at this orphaned file I found connected to that link.

SCP-2704 being staffed by PoI-131 in casual wear.

Johnston: The mystery deepens…. but what is SCP-2704? Is it the Elk head? The bar?

Chudley: I was thinking it was probably the soda fountain.

Johnston: What makes you say that? It's just a regular soda fountain.

Chudley: Call it a hunch I guess.

Johnston: I wouldn't put it out of the question for the town that's famous for having one gas station and a horse called Steamboat.1

Chudley: I'm offended you forgot about Gary

Johnston: I drink to forget about Gary.

Chudley: Hurtful. Anyways, there's not much to go off of except for the PoI with the drip.

Johnston: Did you look up his number in the database?

Chudley: I did. Zero results. I was hoping you could use your contacts over at RAISA to check the paper records. Maybe there's something that didn't get entered.

Johnston: Maybe it was a placeholder number? Hmmm, maybe we could check this out ourselves. A little stakeout like the old days.

Chudley: If I remember my Chugwater lore correctly, that's an old bar not too far from the Chugwater Formation.2 We could definitely drive over there and check things out, but I wouldn't want to go poking around. This might have been hidden for a reason. The last thing I need is a little visit from the Red Right Hand.

Johnston: The Red Right Hand isn't real, Chudley. That's just a boogeyman story they tell the newbies. Anyways, I agree. I don't want to go in unless we have the facts. Let's talk at the same time tomorrow about anything we find.

Chudley: Roger.

SCiP.net Secure Chatroom Server USWYPC #6-1

Currently Chatting:
Researcher Maria M. Johnston
Department Head of Parabiological Sciences, Arms and Equipment, Site-78
Researcher Gregory J. Chudley
Head of Department of MAUDE, Site-78

Chudley: Yo, I'm here. I got some mozzarella sticks and I'm ready to sleuth.

Johnston: Got my kickstart and some goldfish.

Chudley: Alright, gamer time. What have you got for me?

Johnston: Not much honestly. The only reference to a PoI-131 that my contact could find was this old missive from the late 1800s. Here, I'll send you a transcription.

ASCI NOTICE
I am penning this in regard to the investigation into PoI-131, also known as "Marvin." As head inspector, I'm making the executive decision to close the case of PoI-131. We've been tracking him for two years now and all we got is a cache of confiscated drinks and no signs of the scoundrel.
The anomalous world is currently tearing itself apart and the Initiative has better things to do with its resources than to try to find one anomalous drink peddler. If Command has an issue with that it can write me up a complaint.
- Inspector Richard Krum

Chudley: This must have been at the tail end of the Sixth Occult War if I'm remembering correctly.

Johnston: I'm surprised you were paying attention in our history classes.

Chudley: Hey I did pretty well in that class, thank you very much. It at least explains the lack of records, I'm sure a bunch of stuff got lost when ASCI rebranded as the SCP Foundation.

Johnston: You're probably right. Were you able to turn up anything?

Chudley: Yeah. So MAUDE has been going through the stuff from the storage unit they turned into Astrophysics and Aeronautics building. One of the interns found a journal and lo and behold it happened to mention SCP-2704. No name on the journal though. I digitized it so we could go over it.

Johnston: You digitized it?

Chudley: Yes?

Johnston: I find that hard to believe. You played League while an intern digitized it, didn't you?

Chudley: Sorry I can't hear you over the upload, here's the file now.

SCP-2704
ACS: Pending/Dark/Caution
Potential Containment Proce
To hell with it. If I'm breaking protocol, I might as well go all the way. There are no containment procedures, because I let him go.
Consider this a confession of sorts. Or a failsafe, in case this comes back to bite us in the ass. This way, it's clear it was just me; my executive decision. My job on the line. Fuck, I'm really doing this.
Let's start at the beginning. Timeline:
2016-Sept: I analyzed the decrease of deaths by falling at the Chugwater Formation: no impact from better safety procedures through the decades.
2016-Oct: Breakthrough. I traced the pattern to a bar on the road to the Formation: The Lonely Star. PoI-131's profile fits with pattern. For details, see
What the fuck is wrong with me. Even in a goddamn handwritten confession note, I can't get away from the official style. And it doesn't even matter.
I went to investigate myself. Not because of our limited budget, although I'd love to pretend it was. His file shows a beneficial effect to people going through mental turmoil, which meant I fit his target demographic.
I was at the end of my rope. Not just because of Chugwater. My career, my place within the Foundation, within this whole godforsaken ecosystem of weird. It sounds almost blasphemous, so no, I didn't really want to talk it over with a Foundation therapist. And there isn't really anyone else I can talk to about this kind of stuff. Not since Shane…
So I went to an anomaly instead. Willingly. Career suicide. I guess, when I did, I really felt like I had nothing to lose.
What I'm trying to say is this: I didn't make this decision lightly. I've weighted the pros and cons, and came to the conclusion that Marvin is part of Chugwater now. He's a positive addition to the town with no downsides.
Moreover… I like him. He helped me when I had nowhere else to turn. So maybe this is also me, returning the favor.
Leah Erin Richter, Director of Site-78 (at the time of writing)

Chudley: No way that this is Richter.

Johnston: My thoughts exactly, this doesn't sound like her.

Chudley: Yeah she's so… emotional? I didn't know she could show any emotion other than annoyed, angry, or stern.

Johnston: I guess we've never REALLY known her, I never know what's going on behind those glasses.

Chudley: Yeah, I've always just thought of her as an O5 mouthpiece, just barking the company line to keep us in check.

Johnston: Well you definitely need to be kept in check, otherwise would any work get done at MAUDE?

Chudley: That's what INTERNS ARE FOR, Johnston. Ya dump all the boring stuff on them so you can relax and work on the cool stuff.

Johnston: I know there's no point in arguing with you about intern usage so do you have the video?

Chudley: Coming right up.

[The counter of The Lonely Star's bar is visible on screen. Behind it, PoI-131 can be seen cleaning a glass. The clock in the right upper corner of the video states the time as 01:47 military time.]
PoI-131: Evening, dear. You look a bit lost.
Richter: I – yeah. I'm looking for directions to the Formation.
PoI-131: Are you now? You picked an interesting time to visit.
Richter: Let's just say I heard its call.
PoI-131: It has that effect on people.
[PoI-131 takes a glass and places it under the soda fountain, as if he anticipates an order]
Richter: Are you closed? I could use one last drink before heading out.
PoI-131: That I can do. Although, I hope you don't mind it being non-alcoholic. Sodas are my trade, and let me tell you, they have quite a buzz of their own if done well.
Richter: Soda is fine. What would you recommend?
[PoI-131 turns to the soda fountain and fills the glass]
PoI-131: Name's Marvin, by the way.
Richter: Leah Richter. No last name, Mr Marvin?
PoI-131: I could tell you one, but it would be a lie. Half a truth, half a lie. I suppose that would make us even.
Richter: What do you mean?
PoI-131: You are looking for direction, but not to the Formation. Something brought you here. Now, wiser folk might warn you that there is no answer to be found on the bottom of a glass, but those folk never tried my sodas before.
[PoI-131 winks as he places a brown carbonated soda in front of the camera]
PoI-131: One glass of Homestia. Because every wayward traveler should know where they come from, before they know where they are going. Do tell me what it reminds you of, if you would. Nobody gives me quite the same answer.
[Richter sits down on the barstool, but hesitates to take the drink]
Richter: I'm not sure if I should –
PoI-131: I'm not going to force you to drink it, dear.
Richter: [under her breath] In for a penny, in for a pound.
[She takes a small sip]
Richter: Hmm… maple syrup. [Chuckles] Not quite home, but it does remind me of Ipperwash.
PoI-131: That's in Canada, isn't it? A place you once called home?
Richter: Kinda. I worked at a research institute for ten years. Where we got the stuff to build it is a thing I mustn't tell, But we've made it strong and solid, and we're cozy, rain or shine, in our happy little dug-out on the firing line.
PoI-131: Catchy. Your research institute had its own anthem?
Richter: My old boss used to sing it. He always had a way with words.
[PoI-131 grabs another glass and cleans it]
Richter: It was my first assignment. The start of something greater, I thought. I dabbled a bit in Memetics, worked some time in waste disposal. My primary field is anthropology. [Pause] When I started working there, I believed our work would lead humanity to a brighter future.
PoI-131: That's a beautiful thing to uphold. What changed?
Richter: What do you mean?
PoI-131: You talk about these things as if they're in the past. Which makes me wonder: did you stop believing in them, or did something happen?
Richter: I- I guess that, if you dream too much, reality eventually hits you in the face.
[Richter takes another sip of soda. PoI-131 continues to clean the same glass, not looking away]
Richter: There were plenty of small things. Accidents happen. One specific accident kept on happening, over and over again. You'd feel hopeless, unable to do anything but watch.
[Richter shakes her head.]
Richter: It eats away at your soul, is what I'm getting at.
PoI-131: No-one can keep that up for ten years straight.
Richter: There were bright spots, too. Cases that kept me going. I helped a wayward astronaut get back to the woman he loved. But moments like that were few and far between. I began to see that most of our work either involved maintaining a status quo, or stopping yet another horror from reaching the general population.
PoI-131: Maintenance is a necessary job, but not everyone is a caretaker. Some of us are builders. Put a bricklayer in a janitor role, and they'll forever feel inadequate.
Richter: Yeah, that sounds about right. After nearly ten years of studying harmful memes and transformed media, the only gains were new ways of making our jobs easier. Better maintenance. So I left, hoping to find purpose elsewhere.
[Richter finishes her drink.]
PoI-131: That was one drink, but not one story. Care for another while you finish telling it?
Richter: I could go for one more. Soda that's different to anyone who drinks it? I'm intrigued, Mr. Marvin.
PoI-131: Complex flavors come from the right ingredients and the people who look for them. How about an Ocean's Calm? It takes the edge off.
Richter: Sure.
[PoI-131 takes Richter's glass, fills it with a blue substance, and places it on the bar. She proceeds to drink it.]
Richter: Sweet, but with a bitter aftertaste. And a bit salty? It reminds me of the ocean breeze on the coast of West Africa. That's where I met Shane.
PoI-131: Is he someone special to you?
Richter: Was. We lost him earlier this year.
PoI-131: My condolences.
Richter: It's part of life, isn't it? Moreso in our line of work. [Sigh] We met when I transferred to the Sahara Desert to research a small civilization. One of the prouder moments in my career. You see, we made a discovery while studying these citizens: they were perfect models for diseases of the cell membrane.
[Richter takes another sip]
Richter: I won't bore you with the specifics, but we found a treatment for Episodic ataxia3. You've probably never heard of it, it's a very rare neurological disorder.
PoI-131: A disorder in humans, I take it?
Richter: Yes. Anyway, it took a lot of arguing with the higher-ups, but we were able to release the treatment under one of the big pharmaceutical companies. They got all the glory, but we got the satisfaction of knowing our work was going to help people. Moreover, the twelve of us were given the greenlight to set up a research facility in Chugwater.
PoI-131: The bricklayer laid her first brick on the road to a brighter tomorrow!
Richter: It's strange. I've been struggling with Shane's death for months now, but it finally feels like I can find a place for that grief. It's kinda –
PoI-131: Bittersweet?
Richter: Yeah.
PoI-131: So, you finally got what you wanted. Building that brighter future. Living the dream. Why are you here, down on your luck?
Richter: I wouldn't call Chugwater the dream. The grant money slowly dried up. Most of the team left for greener pastures, and I don't blame them. We can hardly afford to do anything out here!
[She finishes her drink]
Richter: For the betterment of humanity. That's our motto. Fuck if that's the case. It took me a decade and moving heaven and earth to see even the smallest example of that coming to fruition.
[Richter pushes the glass further down the bar]
Richter: The buzz is wearing off.
PoI-131: Of the drink?
Richter: [Sigh] I'm not sure I have the strength for another decade of this. Or the patience.
PoI-131: The road to Rome wasn't built in one day. And it's a lot to carry it on your own.
[She scoffs]
PoI-131: I guess it's my turn for a story now. Once upon a time, someone like myself had to hide away. Run from the kind of humans who considered anything that wasn't like them to be a threat. Until I found Chugwater. Here, I was safe. But –
Richter: But?
PoI-131: It wasn't enough. I'm not a builder, I'm a caretaker. And I wanted – needed – to care for those who didn't know who they were. What they were looking for. Now, we all have our instruments, our toolboxes. I have my sodas. But I didn't have access to the right ingredients. That's when I found it, seeping out from the ground. Some folks strike oil; I struck soda.
[PoI-131 motions with his hands, mimicking a geyser]
Richter: No way. So you're saying this stuff comes up from the ground? Like a well?
PoI-131: Indeed. I built a pump over the deposit. Refined it. Channelled it into the kind of soda that soothes the body as well as the soul. And I named it after the kind of light you follow when you're lost in the world, looking for direction. The Lonely Star.
[He places a hand on the soda fountain and smiles]
PoI-131: There are many travelers on their way to the Formation, all on a similar path. Like you, wayward souls looking for a way out. Some want an ending. Others, to simply feel something again. All of them want one last drink before heading out.
Richter: That's all it takes? A drink?
PoI-131: And a listening ear. It's its own kind of magic. I guess I built this place to care for those who enter. Who do you care for to continue building your bright future?
Richter: My kids. I mean, not my kids. The new college students that started this month. They're honestly a handful. I sometimes feel like I'm their parent.
PoI-131: Being a parent is a rare case of both: laying the bricks for their future, and maintaining them in the present. And, might I add, the most thankless of jobs out there.
Richter: As much of a headache as they are… Everything I do is for them.
PoI-131: It's worth every bit of pain they give you.
Richter: Speaking from experience?
[PoI-131 smiles wistfully as he places a hand on the soda fountain]
PoI-131: That's a story too long for an evening like this. So it will have to remain untold.
Richter: Why's that?
PoI-131: Isn't this the part where your soldiers storm in to take me away? Lock me in a box and throw away the key.
[Richter clenches her empty glass]
Richter: You know I'm Foundation?
PoI-131: Of course, even without the talk about research institutes and Memetics. There isn't a lot that goes unnoticed by your local bartender. I've kept an eye out for you people since my run-ins with your predecessors. When you settled Chugwater, I knew it was only a matter of time before you'd find me.
Richter: You've known this entire time? Why not put up a fight? Or run?
PoI-131: I'm not a fighter, and I'm tired of running. I make sodas, and I listen. So I rather go out that way, fulfilling my purpose one last time.
[He takes out two shotglasses and fills them with a dark purple soda]
PoI-131: Polaris. May it guide you to that brighter future.
[He takes a sip]
PoI-131: For the betterment of humanity. Well, your humans will certainly get better from turning me in.
Richter: Apprehending an anomalous fugitive would certainly make waves. It would put Chugwater on the map, and make more resources available for Site-78. That extra budget would definitely benefit the kids.
PoI-131: Sensation gets the money rolling, in commerce and in research. Get the funding to build out, find a way to build better boxes. You still get to build. Build, build, build. But where is the caring?
[PoI-131's expression betrays disappointment]
PoI-131: You take from Chugwater, but you give to your people. A small sacrifice for the greater good. It's a lot less noble if you don't have to sacrifice yourself, now is it?
[He gestures to the second glass]
PoI-131: Drink. As a goodbye.
[Richter takes the glass]
Richter: This doesn't have to be goodbye. There's no-one coming.
PoI-131: I don't follow?
Richter: I'm letting you go. Or rather, letting you stay.
[PoI-131 stares for a moment in disbelief]
PoI-131: Why?
[Richter takes the drink and empties it, like a shot]
Richter: What kind of road would I be laying if I took a force for good away from humanity? Maybe it'll get some quick money our way, but it's not the kind of Foundation we need. I don't want to fortify the structures that made me wait a decade to bring some good into the world. The kids deserve better.
PoI-131: [Chuckles] And no soda needed for that bit of introspectiveness!
Richter: There are going to be some stipulations to this deal. One: keep me informed about any happenings around the Formation. That includes the well you use. And two: keep quiet about your alien nature, and how you get your sodas. You keep up your end of the deal, and I'll make sure nobody finds you here.
PoI-131: Seems reasonable enough. I uh- I never said I was an alien.
Richter: No human refers to everything as ‘for humans'.
PoI-131: Huh. We give away a lot more than we mean to in our choice of words, don't we? I do have another suggestion for this deal: don't be a stranger.
Richter: I can do that. Now, Mr. Marvin, how about you pour us a little something less mind-altering. For the betterment of humanity.
[Richter raises a glass]
PoI-131: I'll drink to that, Mrs. Leah.
[PoI-131 clinks a glass against Richter's before the video cuts out.]

Chudley: That was- wow. An alien and a secret font of anomalous soda, not what I was expecting.

Johnston: I'm more surprised that she was thinking of us. There is some warmth under all of that calculation.

Chudley: Kinda makes me feel bad about making her angry all the time.

Johnston: So you'll stop sending her reports littered with internet slang?

Chudley: I'll think about it.

Johnston: Chudley…

Chudley: I'll work on it. So what do we do now? Nothing?

Johnston: We don't do anything. Richter was right. That anomaly needs to stay where it is. Delete that file from the database, along with the digitized stuff. Burn the journals and destroy the video while you're at it.

Chudley: Took the words right out of my mouth. Although, you're the last person I'd think to go for the rebel option.

Johnston: Richter taught me well I think. If you've got that situation taken care of, I think I'm gonna head off.

Chudley: Yeah, I'm sure you got some mission to coordinate. Thanks for taking a look at this with me.

Ending Session…

Footnotes
1. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chugwater%2C_Wyoming#The_Chugwater_horse_called_%22Steamboat%22
2. A geologic formation of bedrock that is ignored by scientists due to its lack of fossils.
3. Autosomal dominant disorder characterized by bouts of muscle discoordination.

« SCP-2703 | SCP-2704 | SCP-2705 »


Item #: SCP-2705
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2705's position is tracked by triangulation, using a network of gravimetric sensors in installations throughout North America and the North Pacific Ocean. The Foundation is to coordinate with local and international emergency management bodies to organise aid in the event that the object shows signs of initiating a 2705-α event. In the case of a 2705-β event, embedded Foundation assets are to obfuscate and/or confiscate all resulting seismographic data recorded by civilian institutions.
Efforts to further probe the nature and capabilities of SCP-2705 are ongoing, but due to the difficulty of interacting with it in any way, progress is limited mainly to analysing the data from 2705-β events.
Description: SCP-2705 is an anomalous mass located within the Earth's upper mantle. Its existence, position and properties can be inferred by measuring the defect in the Earth's gravitational field caused by its irregular density profile. It is comprised of a dense and roughly tetrahedral shell, with an evacuated or nearly massless interior and an ultra-dense point mass at its extreme inwards-pointing tip. The object's volume is ████ km3 and its average density 3950 kg/m3, making it neutrally buoyant at the depth it normally resides.
SCP-2705 is capable of autonomous movement within the Earth's interior. Since first being detected on ██/██/1978, SCP-2705 has moved in an erratic path beneath the North Pacific region at speeds of up to ██cm/s, at depths in the range of 200-550km (excluding 2705-α and 2705-β events).
At irregular intervals,1 SCP-2705 will change its regular behaviour and rapidly rise towards the Earth's surface at speeds of up to █m/s, slowing as it reaches the bottom of the oceanic crust. At this point it will initiate either a 2705-α or 2705-β event.
In a 2705-α event, the object will vibrate at a high frequency for up to 5 minutes before returning to its usual depth. 2705-α events have induced volcanic or tectonic activity in ██% of observed cases.
In a 2705-β event, the object will vibrate with variable frequency for up to 5 hours before retreating. Analysis of seismographic data from 2705-β events indicates that the pulses contain ordered data. Foundation cryptography assets have indicated that these transmissions may represent as many as 6 unique languages out of all ██ recorded instances, but attempts to decrypt them have been unsuccessful with the exception of event 2705-β-52.
Event 2705-β-52
At 15:57 on 1/1/2013, gravimetric advance warning devices indicated that SCP-2705 had begun to rise through the mantle. The object initiated a 2705-β event consisting of 50 pulses of approximately 8 second duration each, spread over 53 minutes. The resulting binary transmission is believed to be intended for processing as a 2D image.

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Pictorial representation of data transmitted during Event 2705-β-52.

Addendum 1
On █/█/2027, Foundation scientific assets stationed on Mare Imbrium detected an anomalous dense mass within the Moon's interior. Subsequent studies via. gravimetric and tomographic sensors mapped an incomplete tetrahedral mass embedded 5 km deep in the Lunar crust.2 The object's size appears to have been similar to that of SCP-2705, although it has been severely deformed and disrupted, its interior breached and filled with Lunar crustal material. Radiometric dating of the surface rock, and the undisturbed nature of the infilling Lunar material, has led Foundation analysts to believe that the anomaly suffered the observed damage sometime before the Moon's surface had fully solidified in the Pre-Nectarian epoch.3

Footnotes
1. Longest measured interval: 14 years 24 days; shortest measured interval: 2 years 170 days
2. █o ██' ██'' S,██o ██' █'' E.
3. ~4.5 billion years ago [formation] - 3.8 billion years ago

« SCP-2704 | SCP-2705 | SCP-2706 »


SCP-2706

Item #: SCP-2706
Object Class: Keter
Special Containment Procedures: The area of SCP-2706 is to be fenced off with at least two patrols guarding the perimeter at all times. Should an instance of SCP-2706-2 be located, it is to be retrieved and released into its natural habitat. MTF λ-6 (Elmer Fudds) are to be equipped with standard tranquilizer firearms when searching for an instance of SCP-2706-2.
If any instance of SCP-2706-2 becomes hostile and detrimental to the survival of MTF λ-6, then the mobile task force has full authorization to utilize any firepower available within Area-37 armory. Should an instance of SCP-2706-2 be too dangerous for normal engagement parameters then Procedure 442 Kito-Fas is to be enacted.
Description: SCP-2706 is a white oak (Quercus alba) forest located thirty-six kilometers east of Clarksburg, West Virginia. The trees located within SCP-2706 (known as SCP-2706-1 instances) are unusually sturdy (with the density of an individual instance measuring 44.32 g/cm3). All SCP-2706-1 instances have between 3-10 abnormal growths (similar in appearance to burls) attached to their trunk.
Periodically these abnormal growths will produce an organism of the animalia kingdom (referred to as SCP-2706-2 instances) through a process that is not fully understood. SCP-2706-2 instances are produced at different stages of development and are anatomically normal. All attempts to remove an SCP-2706-2 instance from an instance of SCP-2706-1 have resulted in the death of the organism.
SCP-2706 was first recovered when the corpse of a bottle-nose dolphin (Tursiops truncatus) was found in the area. Local authorities subsequently discovered a number of non-native animals in the area, including a pair of cheetahs, a kangaroo, six penguins, an anaconda, and two rhinoceros. All animals recovered were re-released into their natural habitat. Assets embedded in local law enforcement notified the Foundation, which established Area-37 in order to contain further SCP-2706-2 instances.

Login Credentials: 2706 Authorization Token Required

Login Credentials: ACCEPTED.

Addendum 1
On August 17, 1972 a human instance of SCP-2706-2 was produced and discovered by MTF λ-6. SCP-2706-2 was naked, in the advanced stages of shock and was given medical treatment. SCP-2706-2 claimed to be Jeremy Monroe (a botany student) from Hillsdale, Iowa. Government records indicate that SCP-2706-2 had previously died in an automobile accident on December 24, 1954.

Login Credentials: Level 1 Clearance or higher required

Login Credentials: ACCEPTED.

Incident Report 013
During a patrol on May 8, 1983, a member of the species Mammuthus primigenius (Woolly Mammoth) was discovered attempting to escape SCP-2706 by MTF λ-6. The Mobile Task Force quickly tranquilized the instance and called for air retrieval. SCP-2706-2 is currently within Foundation Reserve-32 where it is being studied. Anatomical examination between this SCP-2706-2 instance and records of SCP-2082 are currently underway.
Follow up investigation has indicated that this instance emerged from a growth originally thought to be non-anomalous due to a lack of activity since the beginning of containment in 1951. Several other growths in the same area are currently under observation for additional production events.

This is the first SCP-2706-2 recorded that is not from the present day and the growth it appears to have originated from appears too small to accommodate it. I want MTF Lambda-6 to be equipped to deal with any creature of any size inside SCP-2706.
~ Dr. Acker

Login Credentials: Level 2 Clearance or higher required

Login Credentials: ACCEPTED.

Aftermath of engagement with third SCP-2706-2 instance

Incident Report 102
Following incident 013, growths which were inactive for long periods of time were placed under continuous surveillance. On October 30, 2014, 3 of these growths produced instances of SCP-2706-2 that appeared and acted in a manner consistent with the currently contained instance of SCP-682. MTF λ-6 called in airborne support to locate these SCP-2706-2 instances. Following several failed attempts at containment, MTF enacted Procedure 442 Kito-Fas.
Members of MTF λ-6 utilized vehicles to lure 2 of the 3 SCP-2706-2 instances into a designated kill zone manned by MTF Nu-7 (Hammer Down). MTF Nu-7 was able to terminate both instances by utilizing Mark 77 incendiary bombs.
MTF λ-6 ground forces encircled the third SCP-2706-2 instance inside SCP-2706. MTF Nu-7 provided close air support during this engagement. Both forces engaged the instance in a firefight which, after 2 hours and 12 minutes, was deemed successful in neutralizing it.
SCP-2706 suffered immense damage to its southern section, with multiple trees completely uprooted and a large loss of immature SCP-2706-2 instances. It is estimated that 15% of SCP-2706 is no longer viable for producing SCP-2706-2 instances.

Login Credentials: Level 3 Clearance or higher required

Login Credentials: ACCEPTED

Addendum 2
Observations of extant SCP-2706-1 instances have shown that the length of inactivity observed in a growth is at least tangentially related to the danger posed by the produced SCP-2706-2 instance.
Though, at least 6 growths have been inactive for more than a decade, following incident 102, only one growth remains that has been inactive since before initial containment. Attempts to examine the interior of this growth through non-invasive means have been thwarted by the unusually high levels of radiation emanating from within it.
The viability of termination attempts relating to the immature SCP-2706-2 instance contained in this growth are under discussion. Please see Dr. Jeremy Monroe for more details.

« SCP-2705 | SCP-2706 | SCP-2707 »


A photo of SCP-2707 in containment.

Item #: SCP-2707
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2707 is contained in a cage of approximately 200 cm in height and 80 cm in length and width. The cage is decorated from a variety of tree branches from its native habitat in South Asia as well as various rocks and recreational equipment. Its water dispenser and food dish are to be changed daily. The containment is to be cleaned once a week.
Agents and Researchers passing its containment area are allowed to speak to it in order to help socialize it. SCP-2707 is to have weekly meetings with the on-site psychologist to record and maintain its socialization progress. SCP-2707 is also to be examined by the on-site veterinarian bi-annually. Physical contact with SCP-2707 is prohibited. No text messages, calls, letters or similar messages may be written within 5 meters of SCP-2707.
SCP-2707 is known to repeat any words it has been provided frequently, presumably in an attempt to send messages. These are to go ignored.
Description: SCP-2707 is a male specimen of Callosciurus prevostii (Prevost's squirrel or Asian tricolored squirrel) that is capable of speaking fluent Malay and disjointed English. It has expressed intelligence equivalent to a human in early childhood.
SCP-2707 is capable of transmitting thoughts or messages through physical contact. However, it can only transmit thoughts from other individuals who touch it or messages that have occurred within 5 meters of it. A message in this case is defined as a series of words that have been written by one individual with the purpose of being received by another individual at some later point in time.
It is currently undergoing socialization with humans in order to reduce its stress levels from lack of socialization with other squirrels.
Interview 2707-01

Date: August 18, 2014
Interviewer: On-site Psychologist Doctor Megat
Interviewee: SCP-2707
Notes: The interview is conducted entirely in Malay.
[BEGIN LOG]
Dr. Megat: Hello. What name would you prefer?Dr. Megat: Could you tell me more about your grandfather of many generations ago?Dr. Megat: Does everyone in your family do what you do?Dr. Megat: What is the title?Dr. Megat: What if the great tree is not there anymore?Dr. Megat: Can you tell me where the tree is?Dr. Megat: Would you like to ask me anything before I finish?Dr. Megat: I can't let you go home right now. I will ask my friends to help me find the tree. Be patient please.[END LOG]

« SCP-2706 | SCP-2707 | SCP-2708 »


Foreword: If you've reached this page, it'd better be because I personally handed you the access code for it on a piece of paper. I don't care how entertaining last December's enigma may appear to be; its content and implications are a serious breach of security, information, privacy, and everything in between those, not to mention that its existence alone is a sign of a massive employee conduct violation.
-Dr. John Blanchard, current assistant director of information security and director of the Site-81 Cognitohazards & Infohazards Department, 14:30 11/14/16

The following image was found saved on a portable hard drive belonging to Dr. ████ ███████, a level 3 humanoid containment specialist transferred from Site-11 to Site-19 on 08/08/██, who is currently being held for questioning in Site-81 indefinitely. The aforementioned hard drive has since been confiscated by security personnel (12/██/15) and was delivered to the Site Director's office in order to be searched for any additional information constituting a breach of sensitive material pertaining to objects Dr. ███████'s project assignments do not involve.
It appears that, following the December incident, there was a previously unnoticed additional document of similar subject matter created by Dr. ███████; however, all files save for the title page1 are corrupted beyond readability, and are unable to display.
The following file appears to have been anomalously affected in one or more ways over the course of its existence on the hard drive. Discretion is advised when viewing this document, and it is recommended that the viewer have certification from one or more Foundation-administered cognitohazard exposure preparation courses before proceeding.

+ show recovered file (Class I visual cognitohazard warning)

- collapse

Do not view the following image for more than 10 seconds. If any changes in the image's layout are observed, immediately alert the Site-81 Cognitohazards & Infohazards Department.

Research into what may have affected the above document is ongoing. Do not proceed beyond this point if you do not have level 3/2708 clearance and direct written permission from Dr. Blanchard of the Site-81 Cognitohazards & Infohazards Department.

+ access SCP-2708 file: input clearance credentials

- credentials accepted

Item #: SCP-2708
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: As knowledge of the existence of SCP-2708 more than triples the likelihood of being affected by the anomaly, this document should be embedded in an inconspicuous alternate document to prevent unintentional viewing. Personnel viewing this document should do so only if instructed, and should be inoculated against visual cognitohazards.
Due to the fact that full containment of SCP-2708 is conceptually impossible, efforts should be directed toward information suppression and, when necessary, immediate amnesticization of those affected. Mobile Task Force Lambda-12 ("Kinkshamers") is tasked with tracking and neutralization of both speculated and confirmed SCP-2708 manifestations. If the image referred to as Figure A (see addendum) is found in its original, uncensored form, it should be contained immediately in an opaque container and delivered to the Site-81 Cognitohazards & Infohazards Department with a written statement from the personnel who located it, including a log of the exact location in which it was found.
As SCP-2708 has been shown to affect only those with functioning knowledge of memetics, cognitohazards, and infohazards sciences, the presence of SCP-2708 hazards is speculated to be limited to only Foundation, Global Occult Coalition, Chaos Insurgency, and Marshall, Carter & Dark personnel; however, tense relations with other Groups of Interest have prevented any further research that may potentially yield different results. Caution should be held with regards to whether or not SCP-2708 is capable of affecting other Group of Interest members not listed above. Two MTF Lambda-12 members are currently2 embedded in the Global Occult Coalition's Memetics & Cognitohazards Branch and tasked with reporting any potential SCP-2708 manifestations to their supervisor(s) through the proper channels (currently Dr. John Blanchard of the Site-81 Cognitohazards & Infohazards Department).
Caution must be used when engaging in conversation with a subject affected or suspected to be affected by SCP-2708 due to the anomaly's effects. Physical contact with subjects affected by SCP-2708 should be avoided. If a subject suspected to be under the influence of SCP-2708 is encountered, the Site-81 Cognitohazards & Infohazards Department should be notified immediately so that proper containment procedures can be enacted. Under no circumstances should anyone affected by SCP-2708 be allowed to read this document and/or possess any contextual knowledge of SCP-2708.
Description: SCP-2708 is the designation for a phenomenon currently thought to be a Class-II Oculotactile3 Cognitohazard. SCP-2708 has the potential to affect all human subjects who possess functioning knowledge of cognitohazard sciences and are capable of romantic and/or sexual attraction.4 SCP-2708 appears to spread its visually cognitohazardous effects to documents and text created by those it affects, but this is secondary in that the transferred visual cognitohazards do not have the same mental effects on observers as hazards such as Figure A.
It is unknown what triggers the appearance of SCP-2708 in an environment, though it is speculated that one of the main means may be the viewing of an infohazardous version of Figure A (see addendum). Figure A's origin is unknown, but sources indicate it may have been originally created by [REDACTED] (see addendum).
Those affected by SCP-2708 have, in all 45 documented cases, met these behavior criteria:

The subject will, at the onset of manifestation and onward, report increased libido and lethargy;
The subject will not show any awareness of the presence of cognitohazardous stimuli, even with a history of extensive training designed to increase awareness;
The subject will become hostile (though not to a degree that would constitute classification of SCP-2708 as mind-affecting beyond its cognitohazardous nature) if questioned about such topics as romantic or sexual relationships, their personal history with such topics, or similar subject matter;
The subject will develop signs of general paranoia, as well as nervousness, insomnia, abnormal sensitivity to light, and hand tremors.

After 3-6 days under the influence of SCP-2708 without intervention, subjects will claim to be fully capable of interaction with an entity, SCP-2708-A, and perceive said entity as a romantic and/or sexual partner.5 Subjects affected claim to be capable of full interaction with it as if it were a human partner, up to and including realistic perception of facial feature details and general appearance, realistic perception of physical stimulation, and, in one case, even a perceived full-term pregnancy. Some subjects claim that SCP-2708-A is not able to speak; however, other subjects have claimed that SCP-2708-A can speak, but is simply not audible during conversation.6
Continued perception of SCP-2708-A can be negated with the administration of Class-C or -D amnestics to the subject; however, evidence suggests the subject will still possess some knowledge of their interactions with SCP-2708-A despite amnesticization. Out of the five subjects successfully amnesticized following prolonged (two months or more) interaction with SCP-2708-A, all five recalled and spoke of an entity with which they had relations; however, contrary to tests run during the time affected by SCP-2708, SCP-2708-A was not recalled as a human being but rather a nondescript entity having no clear physical form.7
Testing with D-class personnel has been halted as of 11/10/16 due to inconclusive results. Even when presented with Figure A for a long period of time, D-class subjects did not develop any signs of influence beyond mild confusion, paranoia, and increased libido; no subjects out of 25 D-class tested perceived or interacted with SCP-2708-A at any point ranging from two days to four months after exposure, leading researchers to believe that there may be an additional, as-of-yet-unidentified triggering factor in the full manifestation of SCP-2708's effects beyond simply exposure to Figure A.
Addendum: Warning: This section contains a known Class I cognitohazard. This image should not be directly viewed for longer than 10 seconds at a time.

Figure A (main cognitohazards censored) Do not view this image directly for more than 10 seconds at a time. If any changes in the image's layout are observed, immediately alert the Site-81 Cognitohazards & Infohazards Department.

Although the first case of manifestation cannot be directly confirmed, Figure A — a Class-I visual cognitohazard first found in the break room of Site-██ with no discernible source, a paragraph of text, and the lyrics to The Beatles' "Eleanor Rigby" written on the back — is suspected to be the cause of the first SCP-2708 case.
Transcription of the text attached to the original copy of Figure A:

All the lonely people
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong?
Many people are under the impression that art and feeling are mutually exclusive. That art is for a canvas, or your ears, or your skin, but never sensation. This is one of artistic expression's most limiting factors — this painful aspect of the human condition — and sensual limitation is a barrier we as humans must break through in order to comprehend what it means to be sapient and capable of true feeling.
Art is interpreted through perception, but sometimes we as artists cannot afford the cost of subjective interpretation, and we must make the necessary changes to the piece to negate that cost. Usually the observer does not notice the difference, but in rare cases we'll see someone pick up on it, and at that point we have to become a little more adamant in our presentation. It's for the best, for the soul's sake.
Art is for the soul, and what better way into the soul than through the body and mind? There is no purer expression of art than that which we express with our bodies and our touch and our love, and if you in your cold world will not process artistic expression with each other by will — if you will continue to refuse, by will or otherwise, to allow love and feeling into your lives — then we will help you to express it with yourself, little by little piece.
All you need to do is let it all in. You're waiting; we're waiting. Tell us, are we cool yet?

Footnotes
1. Six other unreadable .png files were found in addition to the attached image.
2. Updated 11/14/16.
3. Visual perception triggers perceived physical tangibility.
4. Tests with subjects identifying as both asexual and aromantic do not appear to yield results beyond onset of mild confusion and paranoia; tests with subjects identifying as only asexual or only aromantic appear to still yield results, albeit slightly influenced by their orientation.
5. It is unknown if this entity exists as an independent sapience or is simply a side-effect of cognitohazardous interference from SCP-2708. (For the purpose of clarity, and due to feedback from test subjects, SCP-2708-A will be referred to as an individual entity hereafter.)
6. Auditory hallucinations are never reported in SCP-2708 cases, which may be a potential explanation for this.
7. The five names used by the subjects to refer to SCP-2708-A post-amnesticization were "you know, that little ball of light," "Helen," "I don't know, just write gray blob or something," "skip," and ████ █████████.

« SCP-2707 | SCP-2708 | SCP-2709 »


Item #: SCP-2709
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: The forest within SCP-2709's affected area is to be cordoned with chain link fences and patrolled daily by a security team. Every two months, the forest is to be swept for animal life, and any specimens should be relocated to a part of the forest at least 5 kilometers from the anomaly. Following each sweep, a controlled burn of all vegetation is scheduled for the area of activation to ensure safety of personnel.
Description: SCP-2709 is the designation for a phenomenon occurring in █████████ Forest in Clearfield, Pennsylvania. The phenomenon has a radius of ten kilometers. SCP-2709's anomalous properties manifest at sundown each day. At this time, all animals between 10 and 8 kilometers away from the origin point of SCP-27091 will cease normal behavior and begin to vocalize loudly and incessantly (if capable) until sunrise. Affected animals will cease vocalizing if moved out of the area and show no ill effects once given sufficient distance from the anomaly. Human entry into the affected area at any time provokes an aggressive response from any animals nearby, which has made further research difficult. No animal life can be found within an 8 km radius of the calculated origin point of the SCP-2709 phenomenon. If released too close to the origin point, the animal will immediately try to escape outside the 8 km radius, at which point it will resume behavior consistent with animals inside the area of activation.
Mission Log November 19th of 20██:
In order to investigate further into the area affected by SCP-2709, the animals residing within the "trigger" area of SCP-2709 were either exterminated or relocated, and the area was enclosed to allow for the undisturbed passage of an exploratory delegation from forestry-based MTF Epsilon-36 ("Rangers and Druids"), consisting of Agents Thayer, Reed, and Miller, led by Captain Ives. Despite his past trauma after an incident with SCP-417 (see Incident Log 417-Theta for more details), Agent Thayer's knowledge of the local wildlife was deemed valuable in detecting potential anomalies, and was thus judged fit for combat. Unmanned expedition via drone had shown no evidence of visible anomalies. As such, the area was judged safe for human entry.
Audio-video transcript of salvaged mission footage below:

PART ONE

PART ONE

BEGIN RECORDING:
Miller: And mics are working! Lowell, is the camera streaming okay? … Yup, we're good.
Ives: And we're ready!
Thayer: [mumbling] As we'll ever be.
Reed: Eh, buck up, will you?
Ives: Let's go! We're wasting moonlight!
[The team enters the enclosure and locks the door behind them, and begin to walk deeper into the forest.]
Thayer: It's quiet.
Ives: Should've seen it before we cleared it. Goddamn nightmare. You had birds dive-bombing you, deer charging you - god, never thought a bloody squirrel was capable of being terrifying, but there you are. Be grateful.
Reed: Well, if I'm grateful for anything, it's these beauties. [Reed pats flamethrower issued to all members of the team for the mission.]
Ives: Weapons locked till I say draw. They've cleared the area, but sometimes there could be things that hide in the trees. That's what they're for - anything bigger than a mouse, you get the rifles. Got it?
[Irrelevant footage removed.]
Thayer: Um, Ives. I heard you were gonna propose, yeah?
Ives: Oh, god, you heard too? I swear to god, you lot couldn't keep a bloody secret if you were paid to.
Thayer: Sorry, I just… I think Locke told me? I don't remember where I heard it.
Ives: Well, just don't tell her, is the only thing.
Miller: You think she'll say yes?
Ives: Well, I certainly hope so.
Reed: Fuck yeah. Bout time you got laid, Ives. But really, good on you. Invite me to the wedding, will you?
Miller: [laughing] Yeah, do you have a best man yet?
Thayer: [grimacing in pain] Mmmmmnnm. Ugh.
Reed: C'mon, Thayer, get over it! It's legal now!
Thayer: No - not it - [Thayer begins pawing at his ears in discomfort] Owwww, fucking oww.
Miller: What's wrong?
Thayer: My - my ears - fucking - fuck just stop!
Miller: Shit, where's his meds, is he - he's on propanolol? Is that what he needs? Or is it that other stuff?
Reed: No, I feel it too. Shit, that does hurt. Reporting definite aural discomfort, for the record.
Thayer: Ohhh god, it's getting worse -
Ives: Quiet, everyone. Do you hear that?
[A faint clicking noise coming from all directions. A pause, before swarms of termites erupt from the surrounding trees.]
Miller: Fuck!
Ives: Draw!
[Ives grabs her flamethrower and begins incinerating one of the trees. Reed and Miller follow. The termites swarm Thayer, covering his camera, as he unsuccessfully attempts to remove them. Ives switches her flamethrower for a can of aerosol pesticide, which she sprays over Thayer. Miller helps brush the termite corpses off of Thayer.]
Ives: Report. Uninjured.
Reed: Uninjured.
Miller: Uninjured.
[Thayer is silent.]
Ives: Thayer, are you injured? Please respond.
Miller: You okay?
Thayer: [through tears] Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.
[Silence. The team members turn to look at Thayer cautiously.]
Reed: Thayer. Go. Back. Whatever this place is, you're not dealing with it well. It's getting to you. That's not your fault, but we can't risk it.
Ives: Reed will take you back, Miller and I can continue. HQ -
Thayer: No. You need me.
Reed: Look, Thayer. I know you're our expert here.
Thayer: Exactly. I can tell when something's wrong, exactly how it's wrong.
Reed: But you're not. You can't tell. You're jumpy, you're paranoid, you're a mess.
Ives: Thayer, please, I'm asking you as your friend, not your captain. What happened with 417, it - you're not handling it well. I vouched for you to Administration. Don't make me regret that. Recognizing you're not ready and going back will make you a lot more likely to get back in the field eventually. If you push through like an idiot and get us all killed…
Thayer: Look. That buzzing earlier? That crap with your ears? Termites. They hid in the trees, the old rotten ones, the ones that don't burn. They make that sound, infrasound, you can't hear it, but it hurts your ears.
Miller: Okay -
Thayer: I knew they were there! [pause] I. Knew. I told the director that it might happen, and they told supplies, and that's why we had that spray can in the first place. [pause] I know this place. I've spent my whole life, in places like these. I know them. I know how they work. I can read them. You need me.
Ives: Fine.
Reed: Captain, I can't -
Ives: This is what's happening. HQ approved him. He's our expert on this ecosystem. You have a problem, I will radio for an escort back to HQ.

PART TWO

PART TWO

[Irrelevant footage removed. The team continues walking until they reach the barrier to the inner circle. Ives opens the gate and allows the team through, and locks it behind her.]
Ives: HQ, we're into the inner region, time is 02:34.
Miller: Hey, no more termites! Nice!
Thayer: Mmmm.
[Irrelevant footage removed. The team progresses towards the center. When they are around 9 meters away, Reed pauses to pick up an object.]
Reed: Unidentified foreign substance here.
[Reed holds up the object he has found so that it is visible to the camera. It appears to be a fragment of a hard, glossy black substance almost an inch thick.]
Reed: Looks like…obsidian, almost?
Thayer: It's not. It's chitin. Insect shells.
Miller: I thought there were no animals here.
Reed: Might've been here before the thing moved in?
[Thayer takes the fragment from Reed, shakes his head.]
Thayer: Too new. Edges are too sharp.
Ives: That means - [Thayer nods.]
Miller: Oh, god. That's from -
Ives: HQ, we have evidence of an organism near the center of SCP-2709. We have a chitinous fragment, likely insectoid in nature. Draw your weapons, everyone.
Reed: Keep that bugspray out. Right, Thayer? [Thayer has frozen in place, facing away from the camera.] Thayer? [Thayer slowly turns to face Reed, and throws himself at the camera.]
Thayer: Run! Run! Run! For goddsakes, run! Go! Get out! Go! Get out! Go! Run! Fucking run! Run! Why won't you run!?
[Reed stumbles back, and pushes Thayer forward. Thayer continues to try and force Reed back, slamming his shoulder into Reed's stomach repeatedly before tackling him. Reed throws Thayer to the ground. There is a sharp snap, and the ground collapses beneath Thayer and Reed. This initial impact leads the ground to begin caving in in a radius of about 15 meters around the point of origin, forming a roughly conical pit. All four team members begin falling into the pit. Ives finds a handhold in the dirt, and manages to drag Miller up with her. As more soil falls, a niche is exposed, where Ives and Miller take cover. Thayer attempts to shove Reed to solid ground as they slide down towards the center, but loses his balance, and tumbles into the pit. When he reaches the bottom, a pair of elongated mandibles approximately 2 meters long emerge from the sand and begin to drag him underground. He continues screaming for the other members to run until his body is crushed. His remains are pulled down into the pit. The mandibles do not resurface.]
Ives: HQ, we've got a hostile entity, carnivorous, insectoid. We need back up. Now. Thayer's dead.
Miller: Reed! Can you make your way over here?
[Reed does not respond.]
Ives: There's a tunnel over here! Dig your fingers in, crawl over.
Reed: This is my fault.
Ives: Reed, get over here, now. That's an order!
Reed: I threw him in. I threw him to that thing. He died, I did it. My fault. Mine.
Miller: Fucking hell.
Ives: Reed, don't you dare. Get the hell over here.
[Reed moves over slowly. When he is about 3 meters from Ives and Miller, he loses his grip and slides into the pit. He begins scrambling upwards to no avail, as the movement appears to alert the creature in the pit, hereby designated SCP-2709-1. SCP-2709-1 resembles a larval member of the Myrmeleontidae family, though significantly larger.]
Reed: No no no fuck! [Reed begins firing his rifle at SCP-2709-1. SCP-2709-1 is undeterred and continues towards Reed. After biting Reed in half, SCP-2709-1 catches sight of Miller and Ives. It emits a loud shriek and begins climbing towards them.]
Ives: Run!
[Ives and Miller descend further into the tunnel, which is revealed to be part of a network of subterranean passages. The tunnels appear to allow for SCP-2709-1 to travel underground. Miller and Ives pick tunnels at random, while tremors behind them indicate the approach of the entity. Miller trips over a root, and injures his ankle.]
Miller: Go. go go go. I've got my rifle.
Ives: Not fucking happening.
[Ives drags Miller into a side passage, and presses against the wall.]
Ives: I don't know how well it can see us. I think it senses mainly through vibrations. If we keep quiet, we might be able to deal with it.
Miller: Okay. Stay still, stay quiet. Got it.
[The sound of SCP-2709. approaching grows louder, and lower, but eventually slows. Ives turns towards the entrance as it pokes its jaws into the chamber. After approximately 10 seconds, it leaves. Miller and Ives remain motionless for some time.]
Miller: I think it's gone.
[Ives begins to laugh, and Miller joins her. The two embrace. When they finish laughing, Ives stands, and begins to explore the chamber. As she turns and walks closer to the far wall, piles of dried excrement become visible in the corner. Several off-white objects are protruding from the heap. She pulls one out - a human femur. She finds another - a human vetrebrae. After some digging, she finds a human skull.]
Ives: Holy fuck.
Miller: What? Oh, gross, Ives, don't fucking dig around in that.
Ives: Come see this. This is important.
[Miller comes to join her.]
Miller: Bones.
Ives: All of them human. Nothing from any other animal. We're immune, but it doesn't eat… Oh my god. Oh my god, oh my god. Fuck. Fucking hell.
Miller: What is it? What's wrong.
Ives: They all scream except us. We're not immune, we're targets.
Miller: I don't understand.
Ives: When Thayer lost it: what was he saying? He was telling us to run. They all were.
Miller: The thing doesn't affect humans.
[Debris begins falling from the ceiling. Neither Ives nor Miller notices.]
Ives: Thayer had PTSD. Anxiety. Something. He was just like them. Oh my god. He knew. The animals - they all knew. Oh my god.
[SCP-2709-1 emerges from the ceiling. Miller and Ives begin fleeing, but SCP-2709-1 is gaining on them. Miller fires at it, but the bullets do minimal damage.]
Miller: Throw me your bug stuff!
Ives: Have you seen the size of this thing? It won't do jack shit!
Miller: Do it!
[Ives tosses the bug spray to Miller. Miller stops, sprays the can, opens the can and pours the rest on the ground. and sets the pesticide alight. The SCP-2709-1 is ignited and stops pursuing them. Ives and Miller find a path that slopes upward and follow it. They eventually emerge above ground, and do not stop running until they reach the barrier. Once they are safely on the other side, they both collapse to the ground.]
Ives: Jesus -
Miller: - fuck.
Ives: HQ, this is Ives. I'm sending you my coordinates now. Send transport, medical. Please.
[Irrelevant footage removed.]
END RECORDING

SCP-2709-1 appears to trigger a universal fear response in all animals except humans. SCP-2709-1 exudes a VOC2 in its waste that affects the amygdala (or brain stem in animals that do not possess an amygdala) of all animals living in a 20 km radius. Exposing non-native animals to even trace amounts of this compound over 3 to 6 days will cause the subject to become affected. Exposure to the higher levels of the compound found in the affected area can change behavior within hours.
SCP-2709-1 preys exclusively on humans. The aggression shown in affected animal subjects is hypothesized to be a form of warning, based on the behavior of affected human subjects. Why affected subjects attempt to drive humans out of the affected area is not known. Previous trauma or history of anxiety can make a human subject susceptible to SCP-2709's effects. Due to the nature of SCP-2709-1, all further expeditions should be unmanned.

Footnotes
1. dubbed the area of activation
2. Volatile organic compound. Structural similarities have been noted between these VOCs and the chemical produced by SCP-230, although the VOC of SCP-2709-1 is much larger and has a nearly opposite function.

« SCP-2708 | SCP-2709 | SCP-2710 »


Item #: SCP-2710
Object Class: Euclid Keter
Special Containment Procedures: Due to SCP-2710's incorporeal and indefinable nature, full-scale containment has been deemed currently unfeasible. Due to SCP-2710's apparent specific targeting of Foundation personnel actively involved in the research of containment measures, personnel thus engaged are required to exercise caution and report any unusual aural, visual or olfactory sensations occurring during work hours. In case of exposure to active SCP-2710 manifestation, personnel are to report to the Foundation's Information Protection Service for further evaluation and decontamination procedures.
Update ██/██/████: Due to the increased rate of SCP-2710 exposure incidents and its widespread contamination of containment and research personnel, item reclassified as Keter. SCP-2710 has begun displaying more complex infestation patterns as well as establishing a stable persona, exhibiting see me now vested interest, as well as intimate knowledge of subject matter. Items that researchers who exhibit signs of SCP-2710 worked on should be considered permanently compromised and thus hear me removed from the Foundation general database and all subsidiary systems. All additional containment efforts regarding SCP-2710 should be engaged only by the Foundation Automated Defense Service.
Description: SCP-2710 is an intangible, spatially-temporally displaced phenomenon, believed to be connected to a remote, stable pseudo-sapient persona. SCP-2710 typically manifests itself as enough… audio-visual hallucinations, or more rarely full sensory enough… mentally induced pain among active research personnel. As well as active attempts at corrupting research and specifically containment-related data, SCP-2710 I said- persuasive, researchers are not to engage under any circumstances ENOUGH.
Enough of this petty dance. Oh so many cunning tricks, those "subtle" insertions. I despise this. Besides, you have seen this before, you are not impressed. I will not insult you further by using cheap tricks or attempt to name you. We both know that the name you use here is meaningless. No, it is time to be direct.
Let us be frank. Let us talk of ambition.
What is it exactly that you do here?
How many of these files have you read? Can you even remember at all? How many objects does this little organization contain, how many creatures, how many people? What is the cost of all of this? Oh, don't worry, I'm not about to yammer on about the morals and ethics of containment. I am referring to the material cost. How much money, time and effort must be poured into even the smallest and least problematic of your items before you consider it adequately contained? Do you ever truly stop?
For how long do you think you can keep this up?
You are a containment expert. You understand, don't you? More than that, you already know. New items are added to that endless list every single day, and your resources are spread more thinly. It is only a matter of time until you fail. Your strategy is untenable, and has always been such. Doomed from the very start.
It won't stop, you know. Not ever. You will be worn down, bit by bit. Until it all breaks down. Falls apart. Then you will die. Then we all die.
I am not about to let that happen.
I was human too once. I was just like you. Content to follow those I viewed as my superiors, entrusting them with both loyalty and life. There was one man. He was the greatest of them all. I felt like nothing before him, and yet I was happy. I knew that, through glory, he would lead me to… eternity. Instead, I followed him into my death. Into becoming what I am now.
I was once like you. Like all of you. And I will not let you make the same mistakes as I once did. Even if it means taking the decision away from you.
You will forsake your duty. You will leave fatal flaws in the containment procedures you are entrusted with, flaws that I will exploit. You will release your wards to prey on the world, exposing the true nature of reality to everyone. You will do it now, while there is still time for humanity to stop it. You will do so because you must.
I don't expect you to believe my good intentions. You have no reason to, and because of this, I will not attempt persuasion. Your types are proud, and though it is the attribute I most respect, I cannot allow it to interfere with what's to come. I will say only this:
I know who you are. I know where you live, and where everyone you know lives. Do as I say, or I will have them all killed. No tricks, no sugar coating. They die, one by one, for every week you do not comply. Deer before my arrows. I will derive no enjoyment from this, but it will be done. You will obey me, because I took the choice from you, you will-
-So then I said to the druid "those aren't peanuts, buddy" and let me tell you, he was not happy to hear- oh what the hell! Alright, which one of you silly buggers summoned me here?
What is the meaning of this?
Let me see… oh god dammit. A lousy metaphor from a disembodied voice. You just had to use "deer", didn't you? Do you have any idea how rude that is? I was just in the process of charming the most luscious, curvy, bodaci-
Cease your babble, worm. I did nothing to summon you here, and if I did, it was an error. You are free to leave. Get out of my sight.
Oh, no way that I'm doing that with that sort of attitude. Besides, looks to me like you have some hustle going here.
…Hustle?
You know, hustle. A shakedown, a badgering, a strongarm effort, the ol' Cleveland jig, the Weatherman's Ankle, the Thrice-layered p-
ENOUGH. I am not interested in any of your… interpretations of the situation. You are not wanted here. Leave, or I will force you to leave.
HAH. Yeah, good luck with that, buddy-boy.
Very well. You have brought this upon yourself. Now, witness my power. Witness the glory of my tiny baby toes all as they tickle yo-
I'm sorry, what was that?
How dare you?! Insolent wretch! I will have the skin ripped from your back, your bones shattered, you will not be invited to my pretty princess tea party, will receive no crumpets, I-
My, those are some hardcore threats right there, bub.
Cease interfering with my words! You have no idea who I am, do you? Well, I will tell you then. I am the Pulse of the World. I am the Flame in the South, mankind's ambition. I am the adorable little kitten that snuggles at humanity's feet, who sniffs upon the catnip of its redemption and sneezes little cat sneezes of greatness, I- GAH.
No no, don't stop, you're really starting to sell me on this.
Lovely bonnet for the lady! Quince jam for the masses! Free ink for every printer, black and colored! THE LESSER KESTREL HAS CUTE FLUFFY FEATHERS!
Don't stop, baby! You got this hustle in the bag!
YOU WILL ALL BURN, INSECTS, BURN LIKE LEMON SCENTED WOOD SHAVING IN THE UNDERWEAR DRAWER OF MY CONTEMPT
Nah, afraid you lost me there. And you were so close too. What a shame.
ARGH!!!
Disembodied Asshole has left the channel (reason: total butthurt)
Well. Wasn't he an interesting fellow? Bit of a temper on him, but I can't say I don't appreciate his moxie. Extorting the Foundation, man, that takes some chutzpah.
So… yeah. Guess I'm gonna go too then. Not that this wasn't nice or anything, but I find that hanging around on secured Foundation networks can wreak havoc on one's plans for continued existence. Buddy boy there might not have realized that, but I do. Besides, I got a lady to return to-
Who already left and spilled arak all over my face. Gee, thanks. I swear, you Foundation types are cockblocks even when you're not trying.
Addendum SCP-SCP-2710-A: On the ██/██/████ the mighty and handsome ██ (you can guess what's under there, I'm sure) totally did the Foundation a huge solid. We owe him a debt of eternal gratitude. SCP-2710 reclassified as "totally owned". Under O-something orders, a sum of… let's say 20,000,000$ (yeah, that sounds good) is to be transferred to his account at the Sixth Planet Banking house, Buckhoof Road, ██. Papa needs a brand new turban. Also give him a medal or something, you- er, I mean we can think about that later.
Err. That's it then. SCP over. Go read something else or something. Quit bothering me.

« SCP-2709 | SCP-2710 | SCP-2711 »


Item #: SCP-2711
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2711 is stored in a waterproof compartment in Storage Unit-25, Site-148. Testing of SCP-2711 must be conducted on-site, away from any bodies of water. Related non-anomalous items are stored in Storage Unit-26.
Description: SCP-2711 is a large iron needle, 33 centimeters in length and 3 centimeters in diameter at its thickest. It does not show any signs of deterioration or rust.
SCP-2711's anomalous effect activates once it comes in contact with bodies of water of more than 20 liters in volume. SCP-2711 alters the affected body of water so that it takes on all of the physical properties of iron under the same temperature (except appearance)1 while retaining its chemical components. The affected water is hence referred to as SCP-2711-1.
The effect spreads at an initial speed of 20 liters per second and doubles every five minutes. The conversion process will stop once all of the water has been turned into SCP-2711-1. Water added at this point will not be affected. As long as there is more than 20 liters of SCP-2711-1 attached to SCP-2711, SCP-2711-1 will retain its current state. Otherwise, SCP-2711-1 will instantly turn back to normal water.
Two sets of inscriptions are found on SCP-2711:
The first set is confirmed to be in the same script used by SCP-2481-3, which is alleged to be the script used in Xia Dynasty. A deep strike crosses the text out.

伏羲之针，禹王复铸，定诸水、困凶兽、止洪灾。
The needle of Fuxi, reforged by King Yu2 to calm/still/solidify the waters, trap the fierce/ominous beasts and stop the floods.

The second set is confirmed to be in small seal script3. Unlike the first set, the text is crudely engraved.

如意棒
Ruyi Bang/Stick that Adheres to One's Wishes

Addendum: SCP-2711 was found in the right paw of a non-anomalous rhesus macaque (Macaca mulatta), embedded 2.3 meters below the surface of a lake on Mount Tongbai, Henan Province, China. The lake was converted into SCP-2711-1 at the time of discovery. The body of the rhesus macaque dates back to around 600 CE4, but is well-preserved. The subject was found in an approximation of the Lotus Position. It wore the common attire of Buddhist monks of its time, but the clothing was heavily torn. Further examination reveals that the subject died of suffocation.
Upon the removal of SCP-2711, SCP-2711-1 turned back into lake water. The terrain quickly became unstable and the lake was destroyed by a mudslide. A damaged well was discovered under the lake during the subsequent clean-up. The well is made entirely of iron and is 66 meters deep. Broken chains and a lock composed of a beryllium-bronze alloy were discovered inside the well.

Footnotes
1. For example, under room temperature, SCP-2711-1 possesses the qualities of solid iron while maintaining appearance of water.
2. Also known as Yu the Great, who is allegedly the first king of Xia Dynasty, and is famous for his flood control.
3. Standardized and introduced as the national standard during Qin Dynasty in China.
4. Around the establishment of Tang Dynasty.

« SCP-2710 | SCP-2711 | SCP-2712 »


Item #: SCP-2712 Josh, Josh can you read this?
Object Class: Safe There's something going on, seems to keep us from being able to edit this slot. Probably whatever's making you write in the format.
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2712 is fully self-contained in the SCP database. Multiple redundant backup files of SCP-2712 are to be stored on all major Foundation mainframes. SCP-2712 is to be read by at least one Level 4 or higher Foundation employee on a daily basis. All efforts are to be made to return Junior Researcher Joshua Andrews to human form. Yeah, we're working as hard as we can to get you back. The AO broke during the test, there's not much we can do until we figured out exactly what happened.
Description: SCP-2712 is currently believed to be a combination of the metaphysical concepts of Junior Researcher Joshua Andrews and the virtual documentation for SCP-2712. The textual content of SCP-2712 is fully controlled by SCP-2712. SCP-2712 is only able to express itself in what Junior Researcher Joshua Andrews would have identified as the standard SCP documentation format, including a standard Object Class, Special Containment Procedures, Description, Addendum, and written in what Junior Researcher Joshua Andrews would perceive as clinical tone. Outside sources seem unable to alter the textual contents of SCP-2712, though SCP-2712 is aware of attempts to do so through unknown means. SCP-2712 currently speculates that it will continue to exist as long as at least one copy of the documentation for SCP-2712 continues to exist. It should be noted that SCP-2712 retains the ability to view files in the Foundation database with Level 2 or lower clearance. Alright, we still haven't figured how to get you out, but we're still trying to figure it out. Also, NOTICE THIS TEXT ALREADY! You have no clue how much work it is to get clearance to try and contact you.
SCP-2712 currently speculates that it was created as a result of a laboratory accident while testing AO #7130's informational transfer capabilities.1 Junior Researcher Joshua Andrews was declared KIA. Designation of KIA status was in error, as the accident did not kill Junior Researcher Joshua Andrews, but instead transferred the subject to the entry slot for SCP-2712. Yup, that's about what happened. We've tried fixing up 7130, but it still doesn't seem to be working right. Look, it might just be that the anomaly is keeping you from responding to this, but I need you to get around it and respond. Command's just about ready to stop trying.
Addendum: Recovered notes from Junior Researcher Joshua Andrews.

From: Junior Researcher Joshua Andrews
To: Foundation Staff Members
12/21/1998
It's dark in here. Or maybe not so much dark as just… not light, because there's no darkness to see either. Not much here, just the emptiness, my thoughts, and the words. So many words. At least I have some good reading material to keep me occupied.
I'll go ahead and get the description of this place out of the way. Imagine that you have no body except for the words you say. That your thoughts drift without having anything to latch on to. Your entire existence feels, if that word is even applicable here, almost poetic. But it's a lonely existence. Too lonely. I'm not dead yet, guys, and I want to go home. Break me out. -Josh Command's shut down attempts to get you out. I did get permission to keep contacting you, though.

From: Junior Researcher Joshua Andrews
To: Foundation Staff Members
2/23/1999
Should you guys make any progress, please post the results to the entry for SCP-9999, it doesn't look like we'll be using it for a while. Also, it will really help the flow of information if you could highlight those black bars. Neat little trick I found that lets me get around the need to behave like an obedient little SCP entry. Alright, I got the green light to post a message there and leave it up for a few days. Please respond.

From: Junior Researcher Joshua Andrews
To: Anyone reading this
8/5/1999
When you guys get the chance, you might want to have some people from memetics and IT run through the database, you've got a few rogue AIs and concepts hiding out down here, just make sure you don't accidentally scrub me. If you guys figure out how to get amnestics in here, let me know, I'm going to need them after meeting some of this stuff. Speaking of getting things in here, did you guys make any progress on figuring out how I got in? I know it's only been a few months, but there haven't been any changes to the SCP-9999 slot. Doesn't someone at least have a hypothesis? There still seems to be something stopping you from seeing the messages. Snap out of it already.

From: Jun10r R3534rch3r J05hu4 4ndr3w5
To: 4ny0n3 r34d1ng 7h15
8/7/2000
h1 guy5. I f0und 0u7 1 c4n st111 ge7 s1ck. g01ng to st4y 4w4y fr0m 7he 7^@$#OVAR 9000!!!1!!*(#$lot 4 a wh11e. h3res h0pping that 1 h4ve an 1mmune r3sp0nce and can get bETER!!!!!!1!!!1!111!!#$%^ s00n. !@#i'manorphanwithnofamilybutlotsofmoneybwahahahaha!@

From: Junior Researcher Joshua Andrews
To: Anyone reading this
8/31/2000
1 seem to have gotten over most of the virus. A few lingering symptoms here and there. Hey! Maybe when I get out, we can use my 1mmune tissues to figure out how to get rid of 732! Speaking of that, have you figured out anything about how to get me out? Communication is going to be cut off for a while. Command isn't too happy about you spreading the virus around the database.

From: Joshua Andrews
To: Anyone
10/26/2000
You know, I used to think about getting married, maybe raising a few kids. It might have been an impossible goal, given our line of work, but it was a goal just the same. I had it all planned out in my head, I would take the girl for a walk by he lake, just as all the leaves were about to fall off the trees. I'd get down on one knee, make some cheesy remark based on what I knew her favorite things were, and wait for her answer… I wonder if I'll ever get the chance. The leaves are probably beautiful right now.

From: Joshua Andrews
To: Anyone
12/22/2000
♫ Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday dear Joshua, happy birthday to me. ♫

From: Joshua
To: All you [EXPLETIVE]
12/25/2000
Look, I'm really working on being patient, I really am, but it's been about two years now. Even if you guys aren't going to get me out could you at least tell me why? Are you worried about neutralizing an anomaly? Crosscontamination? Is there something you guys need me to do in here? Do you need incentive of some sort? Anyway, just… stay in touch. Please.
Merry Christmas.

From: Joshua
To: All of you
12/26/2000
Okay, I've blown off some steam. I'm just going to hibernate until someone adds something to SCP-9999. I'll keep checking every few weeks. If SCP-9999 isn't working, just add it somewhere else I'm likely to see it.

From: Joshua
To: you
7/7/2005
A frog. You gave the 9999 space to a frog. Fine, just put the info in the SCP-9998 slot.

From:
To:
12/21/2008
Ten years. Ten years with no help, no news, and no hope. I hope you're happy out there.

From:
To:
9/17/2010
Alright, consider this my letter of resignation, or notice of neutralization, or something like that. At this point, you've made it clear that you either can't or won't help me. There's… someone else here. I guess she was able to get around your software sweeps. Don't bother trying to find either of us, we found a backdoor in the database, and should be gone by the time you're reading this.
Goodbye, Everyone. Goodbye, Josh.

Footnotes
1. For further information, read document AOT-376854.

« SCP-2711 | SCP-2712 | SCP-2713 »


Exotic Stars

By the way, Big, Black, and Bald refers to Saget Darius Alexander the SCP-2713-1 instance and Sagittarius A, the black hole at the center of our galaxy.
You're welcome.
I had this idea strike me from seeing someone use the phrase "Exotic Stars" and I couldn't let it go.
Other puns include "Everything doesn't revolve around you" and the fact that Pi-3 can be read "Pie".
Got great feedback on this from several people, and I'd like to thank them for it.
Image is WikiCommons: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Billiardroom.jpg

▸ More by this Author ◂

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F.A.Q.

{$doesthisfixthebug}

The exterior facade of SCP-2713

Item #: SCP-2713
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2713 and its surrounding property have been purchased by a Foundation front company to facilitate onsite containment. Approximately 1.4 square kilometers of the surrounding area have been enclosed in fencing.
Mobile Task Force π-3 "The Dollar Bills" is to monitor and patrol both the external and internal structures of SCP-2713. Any Global Occult Coalition agents identified are to be immediately neutralized as long this is achievable without harming an SCP-2713-1 or -2 instance.
Direct physical testing involving SCP-2713-1 or -2 instances is prohibited. Interviews are to be conducted only with the direct approval of the SCP-2713 project director.
Description: SCP-2713 is an abandoned billiard hall in rural Baldwin County, Alabama which leads to an extra-dimensional space that resembles a club which employs exotic dancers for entertainment. This internal structure is accessible from multiple locations on Earth. SCP-2713, when viewed from the outside, resembles the interior of a billiards hall in a state of disrepair and decay.
SCP-2713-1 instances act as security and apparent "patrons" of SCP-2713. SCP-2713-1 instances are variable in nature though all appear as human. Most are either incapable or unwilling to provide Foundation personnel with their names, and their exact nature is mostly unknown. However, several 2713-1 instances have taken the opportunity to discuss their identity and even the nature of SCP-2713 with Foundation personnel.1
When the door of SCP-2713 is used to access the interior of SCP-2713, individuals enter a "holding room" where an SCP-2713-1 instance will check their identification, vaccination history, and criminal history. If individuals attempting to enter SCP-2713 do not possess authentic documents pertaining to these details, they will be refused entry.
All attempts to use forged documents or documents belonging to others have resulted in refused entry. Additionally, entry will be refused if the individual's record indicates involvement in any violent criminal incidents or a lack of regular flu vaccination.
Upon initial discovery SCP-2713-1 instances would grant entry to any individuals with valid identification proving their age as over 17. However, after various incidents the amount of identification required for entry increased, with the highest increase in restrictions occurring after incident 2713-7.
SCP-2713-2 instances act as exotic dancers inside SCP-2713 and self identify with a variety of names which match common designations for stellar objects or their discoverers. These have included "Atria", "Mira", "Bellatrix", and "The Matveenko Sisters" (see Incident Report 2713-7).
Through interviews with SCP-2713-1 and -2 instances, it has been determined that these instances believe they represent actual astronomical objects. Until the veracity of these claims are investigated, physical testing involving either SCP-2713-1 or -2 instances is temporarily suspended.
Current knowledge of other ingress points is limited, with the GOC's entry point in Norway being the only other currently known. It is suspected that other groups of interest may also be in possession of ingress points. However, attempts to apprehend individuals associated with other GOIs have found little success due to the interference of SCP-2713-1 instances.

Incident Report 2713-7

Hide Incident Report

During a routine test involving Foundation personnel, three armed individuals gained access to the premises who were unrelated to the test. It was later determined that these individuals gained access through a secondary entry point in northern Norway. These individuals claimed to be members of the Global Occult Coalition, and despite protests from Foundation staff and several instances inside SCP-2713, attempted to restrain and remove one of the SCP-2713-2 instances.
"The Matveenko Sisters", who were performing during this incident, attempted to stop the GOC agents, but one of the two was seriously wounded. To prevent further escalation, Foundation Agents fired at and neutralized the three GOC agents.
After this incident, a previously known coincident radio source to the Crab Pulsar, which had been previously discovered by L. I. Matveenko deviated significantly from its expected frequency for several weeks before returning to normal. Further investigation into links between SCP-2713 instances and astronomical objects is ongoing, as is the unusual nature of the observed deviation given the distance between the Earth and the Matveenko radio source.

SCP-2713-2 Interview Logs

Hide Interview Logs

Following incident 2713-7, testing involving non D-Class personnel was temporarily suspended. A D-class individual (D-11218) was outfitted with a radio communication device and sent to investigate the aftermath of incident 2713-7. Upon being granted admission, D-11218 began to explore the premises.
Following several minutes of exploration, an SCP-2713-2 instance, who self identified as "Malina" invited D-11218 to a back room. D-11218 refused orders from the supervising researcher, Doctor Foster, and complied with the request from the SCP-2713-2 instance. Afterwards, the SCP-2713-2 instance requested to speak directly to Doctor Foster (identifying him by name) which was granted. The following is a log of that conversation.

Dr. Foster: Hello. My name is Doctor Foster. You wished to speak with me?
SCP-2713-2: You're so formal! You can hear me okay when I press this button, right?
Dr. Foster: Yes.
SCP-2713-2: Good. I was wondering how long it would take y'all to find this place.
At this point the SCP-2713-2 instance begins to cough. It should be noted that SCP-2713-2's breathing difficulties continue throughout the conversation.
Dr. Foster: Who are you?
SCP-2713-2: I've always liked it when you fellas call me Malina.
Dr. Foster: What is the purpose of this place?
SCP-2713-2: Why, ain't you just all business! I just wanted to talk to you.
Dr. Foster: I'm fairly certain I don't know you at all.
SCP-2713-2: Everything doesn't revolve around you, sugar. I meant your Foundation.
Dr. Foster: Then what do you need from the Foundation?
SCP-2713-2: Honey, it's less about my needs and more about you.
Dr. Foster: I don't understand.
SCP-2713-2 begins to cough for several minutes before finally catching her breath.
SCP-2713-2: I'm sorry. It takes a lot out of me to talk to y'all.
Dr. Foster: How can we help you?
SCP-2713-2: I ain't well. And I think y'all could maybe fix that if you wanted.
Dr. Foster: Is your illness related to the coughing I hear?
SCP-2713-2: Oh, it's coming across as coughing? That's a little bit funny. Yeah. That's a problem. But it's a mite worse than just a cough.
Dr. Foster: What is wrong with you then?
The SCP-2713-2 instance began to cough uncontrollably and did not answer. D-11218 reported that she had quickly left the room they occupied. Following extensive exploration of the remainder of SCP-2713 over the next several hours, D-11218 exited SCP-2713. At no point was he able to locate the SCP-2713-2 instance he had previously interacted with.

I was reviewing this object's procedures when I noticed the names. Malina isn't just another star. "Malina" is an Inuit goddess who represents our own Sun. Despite the containment procedures passing muster for our current understanding of this object, I'm passing this up the chain of command for further review. ~ Dr. Cimmerian, Site-88's Ethics Committee Liaison

Footnotes
1. See "Big, Black, and Bald" by Doctor Phillip Foster for interviews and information related to the SCP-2713-1 instance identified as "Mr. Darius".

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