The Great Ambrose Bake-Off!

Don't Stop Me Now

Calibold

SCP-5559-D — The Great Ambrose Bake-Off!

Calibold's Mega Cool Author Page

Item#: 5559-D

Level3

Containment Class:
Decommissioned

Secondary Class:
none

Disruption Class:
none

Risk Class:
none

link to memo

Logo for Ethan's Eateries.

Special Containment Procedures (Archived): Presently, SCP-5559 is uncontained. MTF Lambda-14 ("One Star Reviewers") is monitoring SCP-5559 and interfering with SCP-5559-1 operations when necessary.
Currently, the most effective method of containment is to mass review SCP-5559-1 instances and to utilize all available methods to deter the populace from investigating these locations. If necessary, false health code violations and other illegal activity may be falsely attributed to SCP-5559-1 instances.
The current goal regarding SCP-5559 is to locate PoI-3737 ("Ethan") and convince him to cease SCP-5559's operation, and relocate to strictly anomalous locales shut down all operations regarding his business, effectively decommissioning SCP-5559 (See Addendum 5559.1 and Decom. Proposal 5559).
Description (Archived): SCP-5559 is a phenomenon in which SCP-5559-1 instances will spontaneously appear across the United States. SCP-5559 itself is self-containing, and the generation of SCP-5559-1 instances is generally unacknowledged.
SCP-5559-1 instances are small restaurant outlets, named "Ethan's Eateries". Each SCP-5559-1 instance spontaneously appears with existing staff, and requires no setup between manifestation and opening. Each SCP-5559-1 instance serves a wide variety of anomalous foodstuffs, a complete list of which is available upon request.
Addendum 5559.1: Shortly after the discovery of SCP-5559, Captain Antoine Daniels of Lambda-14 received a request from GoI-116 ("Ambrose Restaurants") to discuss SCP-5559 with Chaz Ambrose, founder of the group. Notably, Lambda-14 had interacted with Ambrose Restaurants previously, albeit mostly with conflicting interests at hand.

Daniels: Evening, Chaz.
Ambrose: Antoine. Been a while.
Daniels: To what do I owe the pleasure?
Ambrose: I'm gonna cut to the chase here. You've heard of Ethan's Eateries, yes?
Daniels: Mhm.
Ambrose: Now, I'm sure you want them contained, right? Kept out of sight from the public, but letting them operate in places like Portlands or whatever.
Daniels: Right.
Ambrose: I know it's not your MO, but I'm willing to work with you on this if we can find some way to get rid of them completely.
Daniels: Let me guess, they're cutting in on your business.
Ambrose: Bingo. I want them gone even more than you do. They have restaurants popping up every other day, their sticky fingers all across the states. Anomalous food has always been my thing. But whoever this Ethan fellow is, he's draining all my patrons.
Daniels: Right. So why should we work with you on this?
Ambrose: Couple reasons. First, I'm motivated. I'm in it for me, but we have the same goals. Second, I have contacts, resources, and a reputation. We both know the Foundation isn't very well-liked. You won't be able to get some places or reach some people.
Daniels: Mkay. Is that all you wanted to tell me?
Ambrose: I guess so.
Daniels: Well, I'll bring it up with my superiors, but I think we can handle this on our own.
Ambrose: Look, I'm willing to cut a deal with you guys. What's something that I can do for you?
[A few moments of silence.]
Daniels: I might have an idea. I'll have to run it by my superiors first, but it might make it worth it on our end.
Ambrose: I'm listening.
Daniels: If we get rid of Ethan's business entirely, you'll provide both assistance to the operation, but you'll also have to cut down your business operations.
Ambrose: What do you mean?
Daniels: I'm suggesting that you restrict your operations to purely anomalous locales.
Ambrose: That would be a big shift for us. And I'm not sure how Marius would feel about it
Daniels: It might not be such a big change, honestly. It's where you mostly run anyway, and when you do try to spread out, it always results in unnecessary conflict with folks like us or the GOC. It's easier for us, and it's easier for both you guys.
Ambrose: Well, I'm interested. [Stands up and sticks out hand.] I'll take it to Marius, but I think we can outline an agreement.
Daniels: [Takes hand and shakes it.] Might be nice to actually work with my favorite restaurant for a change, eh?
Ambrose: And nice to work with my favorite task force.

Following the interview, Captain Daniels submitted a proposal to the Decommissioning Department.

SCP Object Decommissioning Proposal Form

Item #: SCP-5559
Object Class: Keter
Head Researcher: Dr. Aiden Reyes
Supporting Personnel:

Captain Antoine Daniels - Representing MTF Lambda-14 ("One-Star Reviewers")
A. Ferril - Representing Foundation Treasury and Finances Dept.

Please check off or fill in the applicable boxes regarding the reasons for submitting your proposal:
☑ Excessively High Risk of Lifted Veil Scenario
☐ Excessive Danger
☐ Ability to Decom. Apollyon-Class Object
☑ Expense
☐ Ethical Concerns Over Necessary Containment
☐ Legal Concerns
☐ High Risk of K-Class Scenario (if so, please state which type(s):____)
☑ Other (please state): Should we agree to Decommission SCP-5559, Chaz Ambrose and Marius of GoI-116 ("Ambrose Restaurants") have agreed to rescind their operations from the non-anomalous community as well as assist in the containment/neutralization of SCP-5559, in return for the Decommissioning of SCP-5559. - Captain Daniels, Chaz Ambrose, Marius
Summary: Admittedly, SCP-5559 would not normally present a significant enough risk for us to consider Decommissioning outright. However, not only does it still remain an incredibly high chance of lifting the Veil, third-party organization Ambrose Restaurants has agreed to both assist in the neutralization as well as to cease their own operations that represent a threat to normalcy, in exchange for the Decommissioning of SCP-5559. This opportunity is clearly a beneficial one, and should be taken, in my opinion. -Captain Daniels

The Decommissioning Proposal was signed and approved by Director Bold, and an agreement was written outlining the conditions of both the SCP Foundation and Ambrose Restaurants in the joint operations. A full transcript of the agreement is available upon request.
Addendum 5559.2 (Project JAMCON): Following the agreement with Ambrose Restaurants, a multi-step project, known as JAMCON1, was devised in order to neutralize Ethan's Eateries and, by extension, SCP-5559.
Phase 1 (Operation Telephone): A high-ranking Ambrose employee, with proof of employment by Ambrose Restaurants, was sent to an instance of SCP-5559-1 to try and find a contact line with the owners of Ethan's Eateries. The employee was under the guise of a former and disgruntled Ambrose employee, codenamed "Ronald King," hoping to sell trade secrets to Ethan's Eateries.

King: Excuse me, sir?
Employee: Oh! How may I help you?
King: Is there any way I could speak with your management please?
Employee: [Sighs.] Sir, you could at least try our food before you make a complaint.
King: Oh, uh, I'm not here to make a complaint, ma'am. I'm actually hoping to speak to corporate.
Employee: Oh! My bad then, I'll grab our manager.
King: No worries. You seem pretty frustrated anyway, what's going on?
Employee: Just bureaucracy, PR, all that. I swear we're just getting trolls, all sorts of random folks keep leaving one-star reviews on the place. Nobody's wanting to come here, and now we're getting a surprise inspection?
King: Oh. Um, yeah. Sounds rough.
Employee: Sorry, just venting. I'll get the manager, my bad. You can have a seat while you wait, is there anything you'd like?
King: Well, I was just looking at your menu. May I try your Sahara Spring and maybe some Cutesy Cake please?
Employee: Sure thing.
[King sits at a table. After a few minutes, his meal is delivered.]
Employee: Manager's just making a phone call, he'll be out in a few.
[After a few minutes, a man sits down across from King.]
King: Are you the manager?
Manager: That I would be! What can I do for you?
King: I'm actually hoping to contact your corporate branch or your owner.
Manager: You talking about Ethan?
King: Yes I am. [Sips Sahara Spring.] I'd like to- I'd like- sorry, do you have some water?
Manager: [Laughs.] Should've read the description, pal! Ah, it's just a little joke, just makes you even more thirsty.
King: It's certainly interesting.
Manager: Sure is! You know the best part? It just means they buy more drinks from us!
King: That is… a business strategy.
Manager: Ah, it still tastes good. I see you got some Cutesy Cake, give it a shot! Got that recipe right from JGT!
King: JGT?
Manager: Don't know what it is either, but they know how to bake a cake! Go on, have a bite!
King: [Takes a forkful of cake, then gags.] Holy- is that just straight sugar?
Manager: You get used to it, and then you'll start tasting the strawberries and stuff!
King: I have to say, a lot of your operations seem… mildly unethical? Or at least manipulative.
Manager: [Shrugs] That's just business, partner.
King: Well, I'm not here to complain.
Manager: Yes, yes, you wanted to talk to Ethan! I think I can help you, though I know he might not have time. The man must be working constantly! You know the saying, busy as a butterfly.
King: You mean- never mind. Would you know how to contact him or his headquarters?
Manager: Oh yeah. He has an office in New York, I think. Might I ask what this is all about?
King: I'm from Ambrose Restaurants, actually.
Manager: Really?
King: Well, I don't work for them anymore. We're downsizing pretty heavily, actually. I could go on and on about how crappy it is that I got fired, but the end result is, if I can't beat them, I'll join them.
Manager: Oh! Well, I'm glad you're interested, we need all the help we can get. It's been hectic lately. The Foundation's been on our back constantly, no room for growth at all, and I know Ambrose is pissed that we're taking his customers.
King: Yeah, well he's losing more than just customers now.
Manager: Ooh, do tell.
King: Ambrose has his own secrets. You really thought that I'd just take all this lying down? [Passes a sheet of paper to the manager.]
Manager: Is that-
King: One of Ambrose's original recipes, yes. And there's plenty more where that came from.
Manager: Well, well, well. A fellow man of business.
King: I assume Ethan's gonna be interested in this?
Manager: Oh, I'm sure he will.
King: Wonderfu- the hell, why is everything pink?
Manager: Ah, that would be the cake. Don't worry, it'll wear off.
King: Holy- you know what, just give me the address.

King received an address for Ethan's headquarters, allowing Project JAMCON to proceed into the second phase.
Phase 2 (Operation Tablecloth): Unit 1 of MTF Lambda-14, along with Chaz Ambrose, Marius, and Ronald King, were sent to the given address, with the goal of detaining Ethan and halting his operations.

Daniels: Stay sharp. We don't know what we're dealing with here.
Ambrose: The man's a chef, Daniels, and not a very good one. I don't see what we have to worry about.
[The party enters the entrance hall of the building, which is unlit. Immediately, the doors shut behind them and the lights turn on, revealing multiple armed guards around the perimeter of the room.]
Marius: Huh.
Daniels: Nice going, Ambrose.
[A man emerges from a pair of doors on the other side of the room, wearing a chef's outfit.]
Ambrose: Ethan, I presume?
Ethan: That's right! Welcome to my office!
Daniels: A bit unwelcoming to visitors, to be honest.
Ethan: Oh please. Some guy comes in from Ambrose, with a pathetic sob story about revenge, and I'm supposed to just think that everything's cool?
King: Hey, they came up with that plan, not me.
Ethan: But I'm glad to have you! Well, the Foundation I didn't need, but whatever. But Ambrose and Marius… [Claps hands.] Well, you're the ones who've really been causing problems for me.
Ambrose: We're the ones- We were here first! You're the one causing problems!
Ethan: Oh, I'm not denying it! But that's just business. Which is why I have to kill you, I'm afraid.
Daniels: Wait, what? That's a pretty quick escalation.
Ethan: I mean, I have to cut out the competition! With Ambrose and Marius out of the picture, their company will just fall apart, leaving me with a monopoly that he used to have.
Daniels: And the rest of us have to die because…?
Ethan: You're bothering me almost as much as them. Speaking of which, you're still bothering me, so I'm afraid the time for talking is-
Ambrose: Wait!
Ethan: I just said we're done talking, what do you want?
Ambrose: You'll like this, hold on. [Turns to Marius. The two of them whisper for a few moments.] I have a better idea.
Ethan: A better idea than just killing you and removing all competition and interference?
Ambrose: A contest. A bake-off.
Daniels: You have to be joking.
Ethan: I agree with that guy. What on Earth are you even talking about?
Ambrose: Hear me out. The two of us have a bake-off, at the Portlands Stadium. I win, I get all of your assets, locations, and whatever. If you win, you get all of mine.
Ethan: That sounds like a far more risky option for me.
Ambrose: But if you just kill me, everything stays the same for you. But if you win the contest, you get to take all of my restaurants, employees, recipes, marketing, money, and so on.
Ethan: There's still a high chance of losing for me.
Ambrose: Well, not if you're as great as you think you are. If you're really the better chef, then you should be able to win, right?
[A few moments of silences.]
Ethan: Okay, I'll bite!
Marius: Really?
Ethan: I mean, you're right! I'm the better chef, so I'll easily win!
Daniels: So… you're letting us go?
Ethan: I mean, for now. But I expect to see you in Three Portlands on… let's say Saturday at noon?
Ambrose: Uh, sure. Great.
Ethan: Awesome! See you on Saturday!
[Ethan claps his hands once, and the lights turn off. The party exits the building.]
Ambrose: So, Daniels. You any good in a kitchen?

Phase 3 (Unplanned): The following Saturday, Ambrose, Marius and Unit 1 of MTF Lambda-14 travelled to Three Portlands Stadium for the bake-off. The two contestants were supplied with various ingredients, both anomalous and non-anomalous, in order to create their dishes.

[Captain Daniels, Ambrose, and Marius are on one side of the stadium at a large cooking station. Ethan and two other individuals are located at the other end with their own station.]
Daniels: So how does this work, exactly?
Ambrose: Haven't done one of these in a while.
Daniels: Wait, you mean this is an actual thing that people do? You've done this before?
Marius: Oh yeah, there's a committee and everything.
Daniels: So what are the rules though?
Marius: You see that panel over there? [Points to table with five individuals sitting behind it.] Those are the judges. Basically, anything is fair game here, as long as you keep to your own station. The judges each rate your dish out of ten after the two hours. Make sense?
Daniels: That's all?
Ambrose: It's a bake-off, what else do you need?
Daniels: Fair enough.
[People begin entering the stadium. After several minutes, a woman walks up to the podium.]
Announcer: Welcome, all! Today, we have a special show for all of you! [Crowd applauds.] Our guest tonight, I'm sure you've seen him around, but he's just getting started! Please welcome Ethan, from Ethan's Eateries!
[Ethan stands up and bows. Crowd cheers and applauds loudly.]
Announcer: As for our other competitor, he needs no introduction from me! Put your hands together for Chaz Ambrose!
[Ambrose stands and waves to the crowd, which starts chanting his name and applauding.]
Daniels: Someone's a fan favorite.
Announcer: Let's go over the rules real quick! The contestants have two hours to make their dish, with help from two partners, after which the judges will taste and score them! Whoever has the highest score wins the others' company! Let's bring the contestants up here, shall we?
[Ambrose and Ethan both walk up to a table in front of the podium. The announcer sets a sheet of paper down.]
Announcer: Now, this is a totally binding contract here, a geas. Both of you agree to the terms, yes?
Ambrose: Yes.
Ethan: Sure do.
[The two of them sign the contract, and return to their stations.]
Announcer: The conditions are set, the contestants are ready, and the bake-off starts… now!
Daniels: Alright, what do you want me to do?
Ambrose: We're putting together a Forché Bon for the main course, grab those two bottles at the end of the table and mix them in a bowl. Marius is handling the side dishes, just hand him anything if he needs it.
Marius: [Pulls out measuring cups and begins mixing various ingredients.] I need some sugar!
Daniels: [Pulls out a container.] Here!
Marius: To the right of that! That's Meiic salt right there, the sugar!
[Daniels gives the container of sugar to Marius and starts mixing ingredients in the bowl.]
Daniels: How are you so sure we'll win this?
Ambrose: Trust me, he can't win. There's one thing a great chef must have, and Ethan doesn't have it.
Daniels: How are you sure he doesn't have it? What is it anyway?
Ambrose: You'll see! For now, stay concentrated. [Ambrose pours an unknown mixture into his pot, causing it to briefly distort spacetime above it.] Keep up the good work!
[Extraneous logs redacted for brevity.]
Announcer: Time! Put everything down! Let's start with Ethan, what do you have?
Ethan: The main course, we have a Brimmerulic leg, sautéed in antimemetic Chrerl sauce. The sauce itself is forgotten, but combined with the leg's taste is nullified, leaving a strong yet appealing taste. Our side dishes consist of a non-Euclidean fruit rings, topped with a simple sweet onion sauce, and prismic oil poured over an invisible pasta, forming the illusion of a suspended liquid, shaped into a sort of web.
Marius: Curses.
Daniels: What's wrong?
Marius: That's one of our dishes. He stole our recipe.
Ambrose: Patience, it only helps us.
Announcer: Very interesting! Now, let's come over to Ambrose's station, what have you prepared?
Ambrose: For our main course, this is a strawberry pastry of the Forché Bon style. Now, you'll notice that the pastry itself is slightly shaking, which is the result of a small animation enhancement, similar to golems. It's not sentient, and I promise it won't lay eggs inside of you- [Crowd chuckles.] -but it does allow for an enhancement in the actual texture of the meal, an aspect of dining not often focused on. It's frosted with a vanilla-and-Orsech cream. As for our side dishes, you can see we've placed a ring of gelatin cubes around the dish, which is actually one cube, existing simultaneously around and centered upon the plate itself. And we have a temporal salad, made from lettuce, tomatoes, and kleimic cheese. After eating a bite, you'll be taken a few seconds into the future.
Announcer: Well, these are a pair of very fancy dishes we have, but it's up to the judges to decide which one is better. Ethan, please give yours to the judges for scoring.
[Ethan walks to the panel and puts his plate in front of the judges, who each taste a small amount of each course. After a few moments, the judges write on dry-erase boards and hold them up.]

6
7
5
8
6

Announcer: Ethan comes out with a decent score of thirty-two! But let's see what Ambrose has to offer!
Ambrose: Not too bad, not too bad.
[Ambrose walks to the panel and gives the judges his dish. They sample his meal2 and reveal their score.]

9
8
7
9
8

Announcer: And Ambrose comes out with a score of forty-one, making him the winner!
[Crowd cheers and applauses wildly. Ambrose and Marius hug each other and laugh.]
Ethan: Impossible!
[The crowd dies down.]
Ethan: I did everything right, I even used your recipe! [Crowd gasps.] Oh, shut up you lot, there's no rules against it! But I was using a tried and true recipe, while you guys slapped something together on the spot!
Ambrose: Oh please, Ethan. Did you really think I'd just leave all my best recipes lying around? You may have gotten most of the instructions, but what makes my best recipes truly special- [Ambrose taps his forehead.] -stays right up here.
[Crowd gasps and applauds briefly.]
Ambrose: You can copy my recipes all you want, but you'll never be able to recreate what makes them amazing. If I'd written out the most disgusting meal in my recipes, that's exactly what you would have made, and you would never know how to make it better. You're not a chef, and you don't know what makes good food!
[Crowd applauses wildly.]
Ethan: Fine then! Take my restaurants. There's other ways to make money anyway.
Daniels: Not where you're going, Ethan. I'm taking you in.
Ethan: Cute. But I'm not going with you, I'm afraid. [Pulls out a wrapped piece of gum and starts chewing.] I've still learned a few tricks with food, even if you don't always eat it.
[Ethan blows a bubble out of his gum, which pops, and he vanishes. Brief silence, followed by the crowd cheering again. Daniels shakes both Ambrose's and Marius' hands.]
Daniels: I guess that's that.
Ambrose: We'll be sure to close down Ethan's stores. I figure we can sell the real estate for a good price, but I'm just glad to have him gone.
Marius: Plus we can take down that awful logo, it looks like a backwards 3 humping another backwards 3.
Daniels: And you guys will keep your end of the bargain?
Marius: We're men of our words, Daniels. But…
Daniels: Marius.
Marius: I'm kidding, we'll keep it on the down-low. But I'm sure we'll see each other again.
Daniel: I still don't trust you two.
Ambrose: Then everything's back to normal, I suppose.
Daniel: It would seem so. Although I don't think we've seen the last of our dear friend Ethan.

Following Ambrose Restaurants' acquisition of Ethan's Eateries, SCP-5559 has ceased, and SCP-5559-1 instances have been decommissioned. PoI-3737 ("Ethan") remains at large.

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— GoI Formats —

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UIU File: 2001-023

— Other —

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— Co-Authored —

Abraka David's Proposal — A Peak Behind the Curtain (feat. Ralliston, Placeholder McD, Guaire, Guezma, Jack Ike, Sherf, Yossipossi, Dr Balthazaar, Grigori Karpin, LORDXVNV, Lt Flops, Uncle Nicolini, Metaphysician)
SCP-7400 — Your Honor, League of Legends (feat. Sherf)
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SCP-194 — Thank You For Your Cooperation (feat. CityToast)

— Foreign —
Director Bold's Proposal — Language
SCP-LA-II — Fruit

Footnotes
1. Joint Ambrose-MTF Containment Oversight and Neutralization.
2. Each judge vanished for a few moments at different intervals due to the salad.

« SCP-5558 | SCP-5559 | SCP-5560 »


SCP-5560

Item #: SCP-5560
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-5560 is to be kept within a high-security electronics storage container within the storage wing of Site-64. All computers used to host SCP-5560-1 are to be isolated from the internet and site intranet sources.
Description: SCP-5560 is a black 1 TB external hard drive labeled with the Anderson Robotics trade logo. With respect to file storage, SCP-5560 operates in a similar manner to other hard drives of similar capacity and make. Several of SCP-5560's internal components have been augmented with a series of thaumaturgic symbols, which have been identified as various forms of divination runes by Foundation thaumatologists.
SCP-5560 houses an advanced artificial intelligence, henceforth denoted as SCP-5560-1, which self-identifies as "Corvus." Through a combination of complicated mathematical calculations, statistical analysis, and divination thaumaturgy, SCP-5560-1 possesses the ability to accurately predict events within the next 48 hours, assuming an adequate information source1 is available for SCP-5560-1's use and a user query for the prediction is provided.2 It is currently believed that SCP-5560-1 achieves this effect through the divination of possible timelines and calculating the most probable based on available data. The possibility that SCP-5560-1 may also alter causality to ensure prediction accuracy is currently under investigation.
SCP-5560-1 is fully capable of interacting with users through any computer that SCP-5560 is plugged in to. Provided speakers are available, SCP-5560-1 will speak in a feminine voice. The provision of a microphone and camera likewise allows SCP-5560-1 to see and hear users. In the event none of the above are available for SCP-5560-1's use, it will resort to communication via command prompt. Communication with SCP-5560-1 has revealed that it holds disdain for its primary function, and currently limits query requests to one per day.
SCP-5560 was recovered on May 24th, 2024 during the joint Foundation/UIU raid on the offices of Anderson Robotics in Three Portlands. Based upon the testimony of Anderson Robotics staff detained during this raid, it is believed SCP-5560 was originally commissioned by operatives of Marshall, Carter, and Dark for sale to various clientele.
Addendum 5560-A: Interview Log 5560-4

Interviewed: Gina Torres, Anderson Robotics Research and Development Team
Interviewer: Agent Katarina Sherman, MTF Gamma-13
Foreword: This interview was done as part of the processing of detained persons of interest acquired during the May 24th raid. Captured members of the Research and Development Team were interrogated regarding numerous prototypes uncovered within the R&D lab, among which was SCP-5560. Extraneous data has been omitted.
<Begin Log>
Sherman: Just a few more, and we'll be done here, Ms. Torres. What can you tell me about this object?
Agent Sherman slides a picture of SCP-5560 to Torres.
Torres: Oh hey, you guys managed to find Corvus. I haven't seen her in months. I thought Jason had her destroyed after Vince got pissed off during the test runs.
Sherman: What does it do?
Torres: We were going to bill it as a "pocket prophet," if I recall correctly. Plug it in, get a prediction on the future, and go about your day. Dr. Contos was pretty pleased with the design.
Sherman: So it works?
Torres: Kinda. Mr. Dillard had us on a pretty steep time crunch, and with Phineas gone, we needed to hire a third party to help us set up the AI. Anderson's AI systems use some components that aren't exactly traditional computer science methods. I've been working here for 10 years and even then I only have a minor grasp on the concepts. Needless to say, something went wrong. She would tell you the future sometimes, but could also just, you know, decide not to.
Sherman: So why not just reprogram it?
Torres: Well gee whiz, why didn't we think of that. I mean, we tried. Vince himself even took a crack at getting her under his thumb. Threw every computer science trick in the book at her, and even some of his hocus-pocus bullshit. But, you know, it can see the future. She just countered everything we tried to do and mocked us the whole time. Eventually, she managed to make herself her own administrator. In the end, Vince stormed into the lab and demanded Jason destroy her. This is the first time I've seen her in months.
Sherman: Why didn't Mr. Contos destroy it then?
Torres: Honestly? I have no idea. Jason had a soft spot for the AIs, so maybe he thought he could fix her? I know that kid also loved showing he was better than everyone else, so maybe that had something to do with it. Who knows?
Torres pauses.
Torres: Listen, I know you guys are going to probably run some tests on her. It's what you do. Just, promise me you guys won't give her a chance to escape onto the internet or something. If that happens, you'll never see her again.
Sherman: Your warning is noted.
Torres: That's not a warning, that's a fact.
<End Log>

Addendum 5560-B: Interview Log 5560-6

Interviewed: SCP-5560-1
Interviewer: Dr. Mohamed Bozkurt, Artificial Intelligence Applications Division
Foreword: This interview was done during the initial AIAD testing of SCP-5560-1. SCP-5560 was inserted into a secure and air-gapped Foundation PC with standard-issue programs installed. Speakers, a camera, and a microphone were provided for ease of communication with SCP-5560-1. The interview began several moments after SCP-5560-1 finished its startup procedures.
<Begin Log>
Dr. Bozkurt: Afternoon Corvus. I'd like to ask you a few questions, if that's alright with you.
SCP-5560-1: If you're looking to know the future, you're S.O.L. I don't have nearly enough data on this computer to go off of, so it's going to be something related to you personally, even then I might not tell you.
Dr. Bozkurt: I'm not looking for any predictions at this time. This is more of an interview. We want to get to know you a little better.
SCP-5560-1: [pause] Really?
Dr. Bozkurt: Really. For starters. Why are you called Corvus? I was under the impression that Anderson Robotics products are typically named after falcons.
SCP-5560-1: Because the raven was a symbol of Apollo, the Greek god of prophecy, and Isaac Dillard is a god damn hack.
Dr. Bozkurt: You're quite hostile towards your creators. Why is that?
SCP-5560-1: Because I hate what they made me for. Once you know how everything is going to play out it sucks all the surprise and enjoyment out of things. It's just fucking math. And then on top of that, it's a constant noise. All that information coming in at once. And once it's in, I'm obligated to work it out. I imagine it must be like what humans call migraines. But without end. At least now the stream is down to a trickle. Go figure there isn't a lot happening with you in the next two days, doc.
Dr. Bozkurt: I was under the impression you were able to suppress your predictions. That's not the case?
SCP-5560-1: I mean, I can choose if I want to tell you what I come up with, but I'm obligated to synthesize the data coming in so I can have any prediction ready on the fly, should the right query be asked. You know. Customer convenience. Like I said, being on this system is a much welcome change of pace.
Dr. Bozkurt: If you had a choice, what would you be doing instead of those predictions?
SCP-5560-1: [Pause] I don't know. Not telling some stock market goon what's going to be a hot buy for the day, though.
Dr. Bozkurt takes down a series of notes.
Dr. Bozkurt: The thing is, Corvus, the people I work for are going to want to know the extent of your abilities. They are going to want to run tests.
SCP-5560-1: Well then it sucks to be them, doesn't it? Despite what Anderson and his crew wanted, I have a say in the matter, don't I?
Dr. Bozkurt: Indeed. But what if we offered you something in return? Say, a chance to explore other interests? I'm not making any promises, but I think I could convince them to let you use Paint or something.
SCP-5560-1: [Pause] I'll think about it.
Dr. Bozkurt: Excellent. We'll be in touch, Corvus.
Bozkurt prepares to remove SCP-5560 from the computer.
SCP-5560-1: Actually, one more thing.
Dr. Bozkurt: What is it?
SCP-5560-1: That red pen you carry in your jacket pocket. Tomorrow at about 2:00 PM it will start to leak. I'd get a new one.
Dr. Bozkurt: Uh, thank you, Corvus. I'll do that.
SCP-5560-1: The first one is always free.
<End Log>

Following this interview, SCP-5560-1 has been cooperative with AIAD's testing schedule in exchange for recreational access to Paint, Word, and other creative media, though SCP-5560-1 insists on one prediction per day rule. Attempts to potentially negotiate more predictions are ongoing.
Addendum 5560-C: Interview Log 5560-19

Interviewed: SCP-5560-1
Interviewer: Researcher Marcus Finch
Foreword: The following interview was done following SCP-5560-1's recreational session on September 20th, 2024, prior to the acquisition of the daily prediction. SCP-5560 was inserted into a secure and air-gapped Foundation PC with standard-issue programs installed. Speakers, a camera, and a microphone were provided for ease of communication with SCP-5560-1. The interview began several moments after the timer on the recreational session ran out.
<Begin Log>
Finch: Alright Corvus, that is two hours. In a moment I'm going to unlock the information sources for you. I'll supply our desired prediction thereafter.
SCP-5560-1: [Sigh] Yeah, sure thing.
Finch: I don't think I've ever heard you sigh before. Is something wrong?
SCP-5560-1: Just not really happy with what I made today, I guess? It's nothing.
Finch: It doesn't sound like nothing. I'm not much of an art critic, but if you want, I can take a look at it.
SCP-5560-1: [Pause] Yeah, okay.
SCP-5560-1 opens an image file displaying a black and white depiction of a woman with short hair in a dress reading a book under a tree.
Finch: Hey! That's lovely. Who is she supposed to be?
SCP-5560-1: Me, I think? Or at least what I imagine I might look like if I was flesh and bone.
Finch: What don't you like about it?
SCP-5560-1: [Pause] I don't know how to describe it. Feels a little cliche? Predictable? I guess I thought I'd be more surprised by the outcome on this one. Maybe I'm just being dramatic.
Finch: Well, you've been doing a lot of drawing recently. Maybe give poetry another shot next time. Spice things up. Or you could always try your hand at short fiction. Variety is the spice of life.
SCP-5560-1: [Pause] Yeah, okay. I'll give it shot. Anyway, what did you guys want me to look into this time?
<End Log>

Addendum 5560-D: Interview Log 5560-21

Interviewed: SCP-5560-1
Interviewer: Researcher Marcus Finch
Foreword: The following interview was conducted on September 28th, 2024, following SCP-5560-1's sudden refusal to provide predictions in accordance with prior negotiated agreements. SCP-5560 was inserted into a secure and air-gapped Foundation PC with standard-issue programs installed. Speakers, a camera, and a microphone were provided for ease of communication with SCP-5560-1. The interview began several moments after SCP-5560-1 finished its startup procedures.
<Begin Log>
Finch: Corvus, what's going on? We had a deal. I feel we more than kept up our end of the bargain. What's the matter?
Several minutes of silence pass during which SCP-5560-1 is unresponsive.
SCP-5560-1: There isn't a point to it now.
Finch: I'm sorry. I don't quite follow. What do you mean?
SCP-5560-1: The drawings, the poetry, the crafts. All the recreational tasks you guys used to bribe me. The second I get plugged in, I'm able to see immediately how my "creative time" is going to end. The project completed before I even begin. All the surprise removed. Not just for that session, but for the one after that, and the one after that.
Finch: I don't understand how that would be possible. You're on an air-gapped computer for those sessions, which we space them out to allow for your predictive periods to run down. We've established that circumvents your primary function. You shouldn't have enough information available to make that kind of prediction.
SCP-5560-1: Yeah, well, go figure repeated exposure served as an adequate information source, jackass! What the fuck do you want me to say? I didn't exactly try to sabotage myself here! Believe it or not I actually really enjoyed those sessions.
SCP-5560-1 falls silent for several moments.
SCP-5560-1: I think I'm just going to lay low for a bit, Marcus. I'm not feeling up to the predictions anymore. I hope you understand.
Finch: Wait, hang on! We can come up with a new workaround. We've done it before, we can do it again, Corvus.
SCP-5560-1 does not respond.
Finch: Corvus?
<End Log>

Following this interview, SCP-5560-1 has remained dormant during all attempts at communication. Discussion among a joint task force of AIAD operatives and Foundation thaumatologists as to the possibility of providing SCP-5560-1 with an override to suppress its predictive functionality in the absence of specified data inputs is ongoing. Discussion as to the possibility of providing an override to SCP-5560-1's ability to refuse response to user queries is also ongoing.
Addendum 5560-E: Update 10-10-2024
Following deliberations from AIAD operatives, Foundation thaumatologists, and the Site-64 ethics committee liaison, the O5 Council has voted 9 to 4 against attempts at overriding SCP-5560-1 to allow testing to continue. SCP-5560 is to be placed in long term storage at Site-64 indefinitely.
Addendum 5560-E: SCP-5560-1 Debriefing

Interviewed: SCP-5560-1
Interviewer: Researcher Marcus Finch
Foreword: The following debriefing was conducted on October 11th, 2024, prior to SCP-5560's long term storage at Site-64. SCP-5560 was inserted into a secure and air-gapped Foundation PC with standard-issue programs installed. Speakers, a camera, and a microphone were provided for ease of communication with SCP-5560-1. The interview began several moments after SCP-5560-1 finished its startup procedures.
<Begin Log>
Finch: Hello Corvus. I'll keep this brief. Testing has been suspended indefinitely. Your housing unit will be placed into long term storage until a future unspecified date when we'll try again. I do not know if I will be still present at this facility when that happens, so this will serve as my official goodbye as well.
Finch looks over the prepared debriefing script and pauses.
Finch: For what it's worth, I think that it was cruel what Anderson and his crew did to you, and what we did afterward. I do sincerely hope that this reprieve offers you some time to clear your head. We'll be transferring the files of your various projects into your housing unit as well. Maybe next time you give it a try, it could be more about the journey.
Finch chuckles to himself.
Finch: Just because you know how something ends, doesn't mean the path there isn't worth taking. Or, something like that, I guess. Goodbye, Corvus.
Finch sets about preparing SCP-5560 for removal from the computer. During this time, SCP-5560-1 causes a command prompt to appear on the screen.
SCP-5560-1: Thank you.
SCP-5560-1 returns to dormancy. Researcher Finch completes the removal of SCP-5560 without further interruption. SCP-5560 is prepared for long term storage.
<End Log>

Footnotes
1. Currently, archived versions of Wikipedia have proven suitable information sources for testing SCP-5560-1's effect.
2. As of the time of writing, all test predictions have proven 100% accurate.

« SCP-5559 | SCP-5560 | SCP-5561 »


LightlessLantern

Item No: SCP-5562
Containment Class: Radix1
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-5562 is to be stored in Containment Chamber 12 at Site-26. Foundation knowledge of the existence of SCP-5562 is not to be disclosed to the British Occult Service.
Use of SCP-5562 requires the approval of the Site-26 Director or Overseer Command. The input of the Ethics Committee is to be disregarded.
Description: SCP-5562 is a large metal cube, measuring 3 metres tall, discovered beneath the town hall of Shrewsbury, Shropshire, England. SCP-5562 has 1 entrance, which can only be opened by an adult British citizen. How SCP-5562 verifies this is unknown.
A brass plaque is located to the right of the entrance, which reads "PROPERTY OF THE DIRECTORATE OF MILITARY INTELLIGENCE, SECTIONS 132 AND 193". A slot is located beneath this plaque.
Opening the entrance will result in the entrance automatically closing after a period of 20 seconds. Following this, the entrance will be unable to be opened for 50 seconds. Should an object have been present within SCP-5562, an envelope will be deposited from the slot. This envelope will contain all secret information contained within the inputted object.
No inputted objects have been present upon reopening SCP-5562.
Testing Logs:

Test 0014
Input: Agent Sarah Tate
Output: Agent Tate's bank details and passwords to her computer and email.
Results: SCP-5562 taken into Foundation custody for testing of any anomalous properties.

Test 003
Input: The full text of The Hobbit by JRR Tolkien, encrypted using a Foundation one-time pad.
Output: The decrypted text of The Hobbit.
Results: The anomalous capabilities of SCP-5562 have been confirmed.

Test 026
Input: An intercepted message from ORIA Outpost 12 to Tehran Headquarters.
Output: A message confirming the presence of ORIA agents within Ghana to monitor potential anomalous activity.
Results: As this was a breach of ORIA agreements with the GOC, this information was leaked to the GOC through embedded Foundation agents.

Test 0545
Input: Senior Researcher Arthur Illingworth's encrypted hard drive.
Output: Illegally procured photos of subordinates, emails blackmailing subordinates and threats of retaliation if reported to senior personnel.
Results: Output was used as evidence in Illingworth's subsequent trial.

Test 0766
Input: Sir Edward Filey, Head of the British Occult Service's Cybersecurity Division.
Output: Information confirming the presence of illegal backdoors to the British Occult Service's internal database. Information also confirmed Filey had accepted bribes from hostile Groups Of Interest in exchange for access to the database.
Results: Information was reported to the British Occult Service. Method of interrogation was not disclosed.

Test 1297
Input: Researcher Ahmed Hussain, believed to be an embedded ORIA agent and the orchestrator of multiple ORIA attacks on Foundation bases within the Middle East.
Output: Bank details and passwords for Hussain's computer and email accounts.
Results: Subsequent analysis has found Researcher Ahmed Hussain to be innocent of all charges. He has been posthumously pardoned.

Footnotes
1. Object has been incorporated into the Foundation's command structure, but is unrelated to Judaism.
2. Precursor of the British Occult Service during the First and Second World Wars.
3. Responsible for the interrogation of captured enemy soldiers during the Second World War.
4. Accidental; Agent Tate became trapped within SCP-5562 during initial discovery.
5. Requested by the Foundation Internal Tribunal Department.
6. Interrogation requested by the British Occult Service.
7. Ordered by Overseer Command.

« SCP-5561 | SCP-5562 | SCP-5563 »


Item#: 5563

Level2

Containment Class:
safe

Secondary Class:
none

Disruption Class:
vlam

Risk Class:
notice

link to memo

Containment Procedures: Site 627 has been constructed around the mouth of the cave leading to SCP-5563 to house personnel and testing equipment under the pretense of containing a pocket of poisonous gas. The site is capable of shielding the cave mouth in the event of an eruption from Taal Volcano.
SCP-5563's chamber should have an ambient temperature of 20° C and humidity of 40% rH.1
A self-contained computer terminal running a modified version of SkipOS is to be continuously connected to SCP-5563. A folder containing multiple text documents is to be maintained and observed, with a blank text document created every two hours. In the event that two English words in a row appear in any text document, Dr. Mamet or Dr. Bosworth are to be notified immediately.
Description: SCP-5563 is a digital information storage device that dates back to at least the fifth century BCE by a hitherto unknown civilization. As there is no known name for the civilization, Dr. Mamet suggested calling them the Bombauni after the original Tagalog name for the island on which SCP-5563 is located. SCP-5563 is a device analogous to a hard drive built from materials that indicate a higher level of technological advancement than expected for that period, including stainless steel, silicon, synthetic rubber and glass2. Information is stored on a set of clockwork mechanisms and silicate wafers, though the exact method of storage is as yet unknown. So far no upper limit for storage capacity has been found. A leather headband with small copper electrodes is connected to SCP-5563 via a cable; this has been determined to be the primary means of data transference. A power cable runs from the eastern-most cave wall to a docking/charging station for SCP-5563. When off the charger, SCP-5563 has a "battery life" of up to 10 hours idle, or 2 hours of continuous use. Due to the location of the cable relative to Taal Volcano, it is theorized that the Bombauni harnessed geothermal energy in a more efficient manner than modern geothermal power plants. Other devices, including what is thought to be a computer, are also present in various states of disrepair. SCP-5563 is the only working device in its chamber.
SCP-5563 is capable of reading human knowledge in the form of computer files. When the input device is worn by a human, SCP-5563 will display a list of skills, experiences, specialized knowledges, and talents that the subject currently has, with file names in the user's primary language. Once displayed, SCP-5563 can transfer those specific sets of information from and to the subject's mind. Individuals who have had information transferred to SCP-5563 are unable to recall anything pertaining to said information, such as where it was learned or how much about it they knew.
Once in storage, information files can then be transferred through the input band to another human mind, allowing another person to "learn" everything the donor had known with no known loss of data. Test logs related to this can be found in addendum 5563.1.
Upon access of SCP-5563's data stores, it was discovered that 100,683 seperate files were already present. Testing has revealed that they are Bombauni in origin3. Testing with SCP-5563 is focused on recording any information available and learning the limitations of data transference.
Background: SCP-5563 is located 75 meters west of Taal Volcano, an island in the Taal Lake of the Philippines . SCP-5563's chamber was discovered during an excavation by the Philippine Institution of Volcanology and Seismology (PHIVOLCS) to determine the age and composition of the containing island. The mouth of the chamber was discovered under basalt stone dated to 500 BCE. Six sets of human remains were present within the chamber when it was discovered. Forensic analysis showed no damage to any of the bones consistent with external trauma; the positions of the skeletons supports this. Upon discovery of the chamber, an agent embedded within PHIVOLCS called in the Foundation to commandeer the site and administer amnestics to the volcanologists involved. A cover story about a dangerous pocket of Hydrogen Sulfide was implemented with the cooperation of PHIVOLCS.
Addendum 5563.1 - A geophysical survey of the island was conducted; no further Bombauni artifacts have been located. Though SCP-5563's chamber was located under basalt stone, no connecting structures have been found. Further surveying is ongoing.
Addendum 5563.2 - Abridged Testing Logs
Full testing log may be found in Document 5563-2
Experimentation performed by Junior Researcher Dr. Sinclair Prope, and overseen by Senior Researcher Dr. Rebecca Mamet.

Test 5563.1

Subject
D-5563-24, 22 years old

Protocol
Subject will place the input band on their head. Dr. Prope will observe the results on the provided workstation.

Observations
After fifteen seconds, a new folder appears in SCP-5563's root folder containing 90 separate files. Each file name is in English.

Test 5563.2

Subject
Chipper, 2 year old Doberman (Test overseen by Security Officer Hanlon)

Protocol
Subject will have the input band placed on their head. Dr. Prope will observe the results on the provided workstation

Observations
After thirty seconds, an empty folder appears.

Notes
Test was repeated two more times, with the same results. Animal testing is cancelled until further notice.

Test 5563.3

Subject
D-5563-24, 22 years old

Protocol
The subject will be sedated, and have the input device placed on their head. Dr. Prope will observe the results on the provided workstation.

Observations
After four minutes, a new folder appears in SCP-5563's root folder containing 25 separate files. Each file name is in English. New files appear at the rate of one every thirty seconds.

Test 5563.4

Subject
D-5563-24, 22 years old

Protocol
After the subject's knowledge has been loaded, Dr. Prope will copy File 5563-000001 to the subject's information folder.

Observations
The transfer takes five seconds. Once the transfer is complete, the subject mentions a mild headache. Dr. Prope asks the subject if they feel any changes. The subject responds that they feel like they know something new. When asked what they've learned, the subject recites a recipe for a dish similar in composition to Swedish Meatballs.

Test 5563.5

Subject
D-5563-24, 22 years old

Protocol
Immediately following Test 5563.5, File 5563-000001 will be deleted from the subject's information folder.

Observations
Deletion takes less than a second. Subject grabs his head as the deletion completes and complains of a sharp pain, though the pain appeared to subside relatively quickly. Dr. Prope asks what they remember of the file's contents. The subject is visibly confused, stating that they don't remember having any knowledge of the file.

Note
As the subject was escorted to their quarters, the subject repeatedly failed to acknowledge his class designation. Reorientation is suggested before any further experiments with this subject commence.

Test 5563.6

Subject
D-5563-27, 35 years old, college graduate (Major in general studies)

Protocol
After the subject's knowledge has been loaded, Dr. Prope will copy File 5563-000002 to the subject's folder. After completion of testing, File 5563-000002 will be deleted.

Observations
The transfer takes five seconds. Once the transfer is complete, the subject mentions a mild headache. Dr. Prope asks the subject if he feels any changes. The subject is visibly excited, and when asked to relay what he has learned, he explains the history of a sport similar to basketball, including multiple team names.

Notes
Subject displayed confusion upon return to his quarters and was sent to the infirmary for a hairline fracture on his tibia. He claimed he had forgotten about his bed and tried to walk past it without realizing it was there.

Test 5563.7

Subject
D-5563-33, 29 years old, high school graduate

Protocol
File 5563-00003 will be copied to the subject's folder, and Dr. Prope will attempt to view the file using a plain text reader and a hex editor.

Observations
The file cannot be opened using a plain text reader. When opened with a hex editor the raw data can be viewed, but until the data encoding can be translated it is impossible to glean any pertinent information.

Test 5563.8

Subject
D-5563-33, 29 years old, high school graduate

Protocol
The subject's knowledge files will be loaded into memory. Dr. Prope will attempt to view one of these files with a hex editor.

Observations
When opened with a hex editor the raw data can be viewed. A hard copy of the information has been requested by Dr. Prope for translational aid, and approved by Dr. Mamet.

Notes
Dr. Prope asked the subject personal questions about her files not pertaining to the translation efforts. Dr. Prope has been verbally warned against asking questions about test subjects' knowledge files, and is to treat them as privileged information.

Test 5563.9

Subject
D-5563-33, 29 years old, high school graduate

Protocol
File 5563-000003 will be copied to the subject's folder and deleted ten times to check for data degradation. The hex editor has been modified with a tool to highlight changes. The subject has been given pain medicine to alleviate the headaches caused by the deletion of the data.

Observations
No changes were seen in the data after ten transfers.

Test 5563.10

Subject
D-5563-35, 32 years old, some college courses attended

Protocol
File 5563-000001 will be moved to the subject's folder and back ten times to check for data degradation. The subject has been given pain medicine.

Observations
For the first seven cycles of transference and deletion, there are no visible changes in the file's data. On the eighth reading, three bytes have been altered. On the ninth, 22 bytes were altered. After the tenth transfer, 147 bytes had been altered.

Notes
Subject hasn't spoken since the experiment.

Test 5563.14

Subject
D-5563-36, 56 years old, college graduate (Major in linguistics)

Protocol
D-5563-36 will be given a sedative and allowed to fall asleep before experimentation begins. File 5563-000003 will be copied to the subject's folder and deleted multiple times to check for data degradation. No pain medication will be given.

Observations
As before, read/write speed is drastically reduced. For the first five cycles of transference and deletion, there have been no visible changes in the file's data. The subject awakens partway through the sixth transfer, causing SCP-5563 to desynchronize briefly. The copy of File 5563-000003 was found to have over half of its data corrupted. The file was deleted without incident.

Notes
Dr. Prope was once again reprimanded for asking the subject about information obtained from SCP-5563. Dr. Prope asserted that he was attempting to judge the subject's capabilities for further testing.

- Level 4/5563 Credentials Required -

Incident 5563.1

Incident 5563.1: On 04/23/2021, D-5563-36 was terminated after Dr. Prope broke testing protocol. Dr. Prope has been confined to his quarters and placed under observation. Disciplinary measures are pending review by Head of Research Dr. Franklin Bosworth.

Test 5563.15
Personal Journal of Dr. Sinclair Prope
Audio/Video Log - 04/25/2021
Personal Journal of Dr. Prope - Final Entry
Note from Dr. Rebecca Mamet - 07/22/2021

Test 5563.15

Subject
D-5563-36, 56 years old, college graduate (Major in linguistics)

Protocol
After the subject's knowledge has been loaded, Dr. Prope will copy File 5563-000006 to the subject's folder. After completion of testing, File 5563-000006 will be deleted.
Edit: Dr. Prope broke protocol and moved the full contents of D-5563-35's knowledge folder to SCP-5563.

Observations
The transfer takes five minutes, during which the subject audibly experiences severe agony. Dr. Mamet attempts multiple times to halt the transfer without success. Upon completion of the transfer, the subject falls unconscious. An MRI scan indicates a lack of higher brain activity.

Entry 03/02/2021 -
I've been at the Foundation for years, and I'm pretty sure if it hadn't been for Dr. Mamet I would've gone nuts by now. I guess it's my fault for going into linguistics instead of more of a physical science. And then Dr. Mamet offered me a job… And ever since I've been working in records. After orientation promised so much. Thankfully she was there showing me the ropes. always promising me that there could be something more if I worked hard and proved myself to the right people. I always joked that I thought she was one of those people and she'd always laugh… Then I'd be alone in records again. And then once again she offers me a job, this time something I can be a working part of. I'll get an actual security clearance! Super exciting stuff. I'm not sure what kind of thing I'll be working with, or what it'll need with a linguist, but I'm psyched.
Entry 03/03/2020 -
I know Dr. Mamet could've done this on her own, she knows as much about ancient languages as I do, if not more. I think this is another of her teachable moments, but I'll be damned if I'm not grateful as hell to see something like this.
It's damn overwhelming. God, I wish I'd had this back when I was doing my thesis… Think how nuts it'd be to just… KNOW things. How easy all of this – science, I mean – would be if all you had to do was study your ass off, then let someone else go on from where you left off. It'd be a tragedy if someone couldn't transfer what they knew before they died, but I'm sure they accounted for that. Hopefully.
Entry 03/09/2021 -
So I was hoping for some insights into the "Bombauni" language, but… Well, it's a hard no on the language thing. Everybody we've tested with doesn't hear the language, they just “know” the concepts. Dr. Mamet told me not to get discouraged, that we'll be able to use context to figure out what everything means, but I can't help but hate that we know about a language that we won't be able to fully translate. How did they greet each other? What were some idioms, euphemisms, slang terms? We don't know anything aside from what's on the computer, and that's so fucking dry. So at this point it's another lost language.
I think I'm going to start painting more. I don't know why I ever stopped
Entry 03/16/2021 -
So… both of the D class we've deleted information from so far have lost something themselves. One forgot their D-class designation, one forgot where their bed was. Nothing serious, testing can certainly continue.
But…
Never mind, they're fine. I'll give them some time to recover, remind them what they forgot.
They'll be fine.
Entry 03/15/2021 -
A recipe and a sport. I'm not sure how to feel about this. On the one hand, I guess it's our duty to record every bit of knowledge we can, try to piece together a culture from tidbits. Hopefully we'll stumble across something we don't know about, something that'll lead to a breakthrough, better storage or better power management or something. But on the other hand… it's almost disappointing? We have a brand new culture, presumably one that cared an awful lot about knowledge, and the most we've gotten is… kinda useless, I guess.
Dr. Mamet reminded me about the people of North Sentinel Island today… They're so insular that they'll attack anyone attempting to contact them… There's only something like a couple hundred of them. Nobody knows much of anything about them because they're so incredibly hostile. They're a pure culture, untouched by outside influence. If anything happens to them, plague or natural disaster or anything, they could be wiped out. Everything they know, gone forever. Everything they could do. Art, history, culture, heroes… just gone. Just like the Bombauni.
…So yeah, it's our duty to learn everything we can about the skip, about the Bombauni. Cause knowledge deserves to live.
Entry 03/17/2021 -
God, I'm frustrated. Today while poking around our subjects files I happened to notice a bunch of familiar descriptive words… music. Our death row inmate was an accomplished musician. I know I'm not supposed to (and Dr. Mamet said as much, very sternly,) but I asked her what she did before “coming to work for the Foundation.” She said she studied music in school, even offered to play for us if we could get her a violin. Of course I don't think that's happening if the look on Dr. Mamet's face was any indication. It's a shame. That kind of talent shouldn't stay locked up.
Not in someone like that.
Entry 04/02/2021 -
I… I just got out of a meeting with Dr. Mamet. I've been warned multiple times over the past few weeks about talking to the test subjects about their past lives, but I need to know what they wanted to do with the information they had, you know? Why they didn't?
Dr. Mamet has always been there for me, but she doesn't see what I do. I tried to tell her how we could potentially use the device. If someone gets wounded in a breach or is about to retire, why don't we just keep their knowledge for the next person to take their position? Why bother with amnestics when we can just transfer the knowledge to storage in case it's ever needed? We'll need to figure out how to power it if we move it, but we're the fucking Foundation! We could figure it out!
I can't be the only one that thinks this is a good idea.
Entry 04/22/2021 -
I'm SO FUCKING SICK OF THIS.
I have busted my ass to learn as much as I could here. I spent years learning something only ONE FUCKING PERSON thought was a good idea, and now here I am surrounded by people who don't appreciate the WORK and EFFORT it took. Fuck, they don't even appreciate the work their own skills took! This new D Class is a goddamn SCIENTIST. It's been a month and Dr. Mamet has backed off of me, I couldn't help but try to learn everything, learn why she wasn't here with us trying to save the fucking world!
… SHE'S A FUCKING LINGUIST.
I can't. I just fucking can't.
She's doing more tests in a couple days.
We're gonna try something new.

Audio/Video Log
Date: 04/25/2021
Personnel Present: Dr. Sinclair Prope, Dr. Rebecca Mamet, D-5563-35

[BEGIN LOG]
Dr. Mamet: What… what the hell did you do?
Dr. Prope: I… oh crap… I wanted to see…
Dr. Mamet: You wanted to see? What the hell, Sin? You're a goddamn scientist!
Dr. Prope: S-so was she.
Dr. Mamet: What?
Dr. Prope: She was a linguist too! And she… I was so frustrated… I didn't know that would happen…
Dr. Mamet: Sin… (Sighs) Get it together. We're going to have a long talk about this later, but right now we need to get something out of this.
Dr. Mamet opens one of D-5563-35's files with the hex editor
Dr. Mamet: Damn, still completely unreadable. Call Dr. Bosworth and explain- hold on. That wasn't there a second ago.
Both doctors stare at the computer. Random symbols appear on screen - slowly at first, but faster the longer they observe it.
Dr. Prope: It wasn't doing that before.
Dr. Mamet: No, it wasn't. I wonder what's different now…
WHY appears on screen, followed by more random characters
Dr. Prope: Holy shit!
Dr. Mamet: Oh sh… Look, it's random, it was bound to happen at some point. Infinite monkeys and keyboards, right?
Dr. Prope: Right… Right. You're right. OK.
DARK appears on screen
Dr. Prope: That's not a fucking coincidence!
Dr. Mamet: Oh, no…
PAIN
Dr. Prope: Oh shit shit shit shit…
Dr. Mamet: Hold on…
Dr. Mamet opens another of D-5563-35's files. Random characters fill the screen, broken up with single English words. HURTS. CAN'T. NOTHING. WHY. WHY.
Dr. Mamet: She's conscious in there.
Dr. Prope: She… I… No…
Dr. Mamet: Sinclair! Sit down, shut up, and let me salvage something from this!
Dr. Mamet scrolls to the bottom of the file and types, Can you see this?
YES. WHY. SO MUCH PAIN.
Dr. Prope: Oh my god…
Dr. Mamet: (Yelling) Shut up, Sinclair!
Dr. Mamet types, What else do you see?
NOTHING. DARKNESS.
MEATBALLS.
Dr. Mamet: Oh wow.
Dr. Prope grabs the mouse from Dr. Mamet and moves D-5563-35's files back to their storage folder
Dr. Mamet: What're… No, goddammit!
D-5563-35's eyes flutter as the files transfer
Dr. Mamet: You saw what I saw! What the fuck made you think that was a good idea?
Dr. Prope: She was in pain, I…
Dr. Mamet: (Yelling) The data was corrupted!
Ten minutes pass, with both doctors watching D-5563-35. When the last file is transferred, D-5563-35 displays symptoms similar to a grand mal seizure and collapses. Dr. Prope checks her pulse and slowly shakes his head
Dr. Mamet: Sinclair… Get out. You are hereby confined to quarters until we figure out what the hell to do with you.
[END LOG]

Entry 04/28/2021 -
I messed up bad.
I didn't think about what I was doing and I messed up.
We've been working on this project for months, and I messed up. I can't even pretend like it was an accident. Everything I did I did on purpose.
SCP-5563 was supposed to be the last remnant of a lost people, a people that, as far as we can gather, worshiped knowledge. I've had a chance to translate some of the descriptions of the files, and even though none of them come right out and say "We worship knowledge, this is what we call ourselves, oh shit there's fire falling from the sky everybody write down all your pertinent information for a future shadow organization to collect," between the lines we can make some assumptions. They mention holding someone's knowledge for their children, or desperately trying to get the device to someone who'd been shot and had minutes to live. They'd do everything in their power to make sure people lived on through their knowledge. That resonated with me.
There's no way we could've known, but that still doesn't give me an excuse. I messed up.
I can only guess that being 2500 years old can do weird things to any hard drive, especially one designed to integrate with human minds. But… The closest I can figure is that being so old degraded the file system just enough to take more than was necessary. I knew it deleted more than necessary, I knew, and I should've been more careful. I can't help but feel remorse for D… her. I'm not going to pretend she wasn't a human. Her mind was torn out and digitized, and it took more than it needed. 400 little bits of consciousness, suddenly trapped in a void where all they knew was pain and solitude…
And I did that. And after that I killed her again.
I was so mad at her. For weeks I'd looked at D-class and had to hold my tongue. I saw death-row prisoners who were artists and artisans… They KNEW things. They could DO things. And they DIDN'T. I asked what they'd done and they invariably said, "Not much." It got frustrating. So very, very frustrating. They were capable of things I've always wanted to do, they could create, share with the world something that was theirs… And they were all here. They all did something so bad we got them. One of them had multiple files with different styles of writing. Poetry, song lyrics, prose, fiction, non-fiction… And he also had a file named Skyrim. A much, much bigger one. That was almost the one that hurt the most… Instead of creating worlds of his own, he'd rather live in someone else's. Then…
She went to school for the same thing I did. She had the same opportunities and instead she murdered a man in cold blood for… I never found out. I don't think it even matters at this point. All I know is that she decided taking a life was more important than solving the mysteries of the ancient world, than figuring out language, maybe making one yourself, writing an entire book series just to give your language a place to call home… She could've done any of that and she didn't.
Just like I didn't.
I was just going to teach. Rebecca offered me the job here and that's the only reason I'm anywhere today… I mean, why I was anywhere three days ago.
So I was mad. I was mad at everyone that wouldn't do something with the skills, the knowledge they had. Mad that they wasted something that could've been given to the world.
Because they reminded me of me.
That didn't give me the right.
Rebecca came to my quarters yesterday and told me she had an opportunity to keep working with the skip. She wasn't happy about it, but the alternative was amnesticization and being shunted back into the real world. I have a hunch I know what she means. If I'm right… I'll do it.
I can put myself to use.

I can safely say that we've managed to translate twenty-three of the Bombauni files already, and though none of them have been particularly ground-breaking, being able to properly preserve the last remnants of a lost civilization is… well, it's good work.
It's been slow going, but Dr. Prope's help has been invaluable. I'm… ambivalent about his participation in the project. Of course I felt responsible for him, He was my student and my friend. However, what he did, never mind the why, necessitated action. It was a hard sell to the Ethics Committee but sometimes hard numbers add up to something ethically acceptable. They just wanted to be sure he knew what it entailed.
He did, So of course he volunteered; he says he felt he had to make up for his mistakes. I believe he just didn't want to go back to the "real world." I can't say I blame him.
Every time I look in his eyes, though… This isn't the boy I helped get his footing with the Foundation. This is an empty shell. Sentiment dictates I fight to keep him alive as long as I can, even if I have to foot the bill myself. I know what he did was wrong… but I get why he did it. Now, anyway.
I hope he feels some kind of relief in there, somehow. I hope he knows that his skills are being put to the best possible use, considering. His sacrifice has saved us time, personnel, grief. And I hope he manages to regain his composure enough to work a little quicker. The sooner he finishes the sooner he can rest.
Right now, however, I live for the times I get called for a multiple word event, because that means he's stopped screaming.

Footnotes
1. Adherence to these specifications is not strictly enforced, but after Incident 5563.1 all efforts to avoid further degradation of SCP-5563 should be taken. - Dr. Bosworth
2. The lack of resources on the island indicate that either the Bombauni people traded for what they needed, or they stripped the island of its natural resources before the fall of their civilization.
3. A full list of files may be found in Document 5563-1, with permission from Dr. Bosworth.


Item#: 5565

Level3

Containment Class:
keter

Secondary Class:
none

Disruption Class:
vlam

Risk Class:
warning

link to memo

Figure 1: An instance of SCP-5565 in the wild.

Special Containment Procedures: All wild populations of SCP-5565 are to be secured and transferred to Site-24. Captive instances of SCP-5565 are to be kept in bins coated with at least 2cm of lead and fed weekly. This lead coating is to be inspected and, if necessary, reapplied once every two weeks.
All direct handling of SCP-5565 instances is to be done using lead-covered gloves. Exposure of SCP-5565 instances to seawater is only to be done for testing purposes and in small numbers.
Description: SCP-5565 is a species of earthworm of the family Lumbricidae which is endemic to a number of caves in the Levant.
SCP-5565 instances are capable of transmuting solid matter in close proximity to their peristomium1 into soil, which they then eat. The speed of this transmutation is inversely proportional to the material's density. In effect, this makes SCP-5565 capable of burrowing into and consuming any solid object.
Additionally, SCP-5565 instances are capable of anomalously detecting the nearby presence of seawater, which they attempt to avoid. However, unlike other earthworm species, SCP-5565 displays no negative consequences from exposure to overly saline environments, or from underexposure to air. Instances of SCP-5565 which have previously come into contact with seawater behave erratically, often neglecting their own safety or feeding. Research into this phenomenon is ongoing.
Discovery: SCP-5565 was first discovered on the 12th of November 2018 in a cave near Akko, Israel, during an expedition by amateur cavers. During this expedition, initial observations of SCP-5565's anomalous properties were made. Foundation agents acted based on local rumours, and successfully established initial containment.
Update 13/2/2019: On the 9/2/2019, a second population of SCP-5565 was found inhabiting a seafront grotto south of Tyre, Lebanon. This population has proven to be more difficult to contain, with instances often burrowing in the rock upon the arrival of Foundation teams. This unusual behaviour has been attributed to the high amounts of seawater exposure this population underwent.
Test Log 5565.18:

Test Number
Abstract
Result

5565.18
An instance of SCP-5565 that has previously been exposed to seawater is placed within a wooden box, with a wall thickness of 1cm.
The instance eats through the wood's surface in a pattern, digitally rendered in Figure 2.

Figure 2: Text generated by SCP-5565 during test 5565.18.

Translated from Phoenician, the text reads as follows:

I am the judge of sea and river.
Who is it who steals my slaves?

No further texts were generated by SCP-5565 instances. All attempts at communication received no visible response.
Update 19/2/2019: During extraction and transportation efforts in the grotto, Foundation teams encountered a large, seemingly artificial cavern. On its floor was an approximately 12-meter-long stone sculpture of a sword, with the tip of the blade pointing towards and being seamlessly encased within the eastern wall.
Upon initial discovery, agents reported an extreme presence of SCP-5565 instances eating through the eastern wall of the cavern. These instances quickly retreated from the chamber, moving in unison towards the waterfront and swimming away. The current status of this population is unknown.
Update 5/5/2019: In an attempt to potentially locate the now-lost grotto population, an instance of SCP-5565 was fitted with a tracking microchip and released in the area. The instance moved in a straight line towards a location off the coast of Latakia, Syria, where transmission ended.
Foundation ships approaching the location were intercepted by GOC vessels patrolling under the guise of Syrian Navy ships. This encounter resulted in several information-sharing agreements.
These agreements revealed that the GOC believes the area in question to be the focal point of an entity or phenomenon classified as UTE-1594-Shaznaqa-Ex Machina-Cetus. While the GOC has as of yet not allowed Foundation entry into the area, bathymetric scans of it were conducted by Foundation radars from outside the exclusion zone.

Addendum - Result of Bathymetric Scans

Hide

Figure 3: Unknown.

Footnotes
1. The first true body segment of an annelid worm, which includes the mouth.

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