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Music: Run With Us (Lisa Lougheed)

More by The Great Hippo:

SCPs

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SCPs

[SCP-3034]
The Counting Station

DO NOT LET HER FINISH

[SCP-3035]
Science Bugs

case_of_the_mondays.png, case_of_the_mondays (1).png

[SCP-3054]
Cragstaff Sanitarium

You are sick. You are broken. We will fix you.

[SCP-3045]
bzzip.exe

HAMLET: I am no longer moody.

[SCP-3043]
Murphy Law in… Type 3043 — FOR MURDER!

Forget it, Fred. It's Chinatown.

[SCP-3057]
Fossil Fuels

…witnesses provided confirmation that instances of SCP-3057-4 did, in fact, have feathers.

[SCP-2639]
Video Game Violence

i need to know how many people i've killed

[SCP-437]
Summer of '91

That was a pretty crazy summer, y'know? Sometimes I really miss that place.

[SCP-3079]
300 Tricks: Stage Magic Made Easy

NOTE: No method for accomplishing this trick is provided.

[SCP-2753]
Let's Play Jenga!

High art carries high risk!

[SCP-2679]
The Many Graves of Jeannette Parslov

Whatever it takes, do what you must; whatever the cost, come back to us.

[SCP-3074]
Kafka's Parking Garage

Thank you for choosing Izatova Parking Center. Have a pleasant day.

[SCP-2571]
Cragglewood Park

Mr. Blair, have you always been an only child?

[SCP-2419]
The Laughing Men

Throw them back into the incinerator where you found them.

[SCP-3143]
Murphy Law in… The Foundation Always Rings Twice!

When it comes right down to it, me — them — hell, even you — we're all just characters in that trashy dime-store novel called life.

[SCP-3089]
That Old Time Religion

Remember how we explained that successful people don't actually need any of their toes to walk? Well, that's going to come in handy for Secret Number Six.

[SCP-3117]
A Monster-Shaped Hole

I'm not talking to you.

[SCP-3128]
Let's Play Monopoly!

Hey, guys? I'm, uh. I'm using this.

[SCP-3138]
A Sepulcher by the Sea

Should it prove feasible, all non-canonical corpses are to be extracted, examined, and catalogued.

[SCP-3241]
The SS Sommerfeld

It makes me wonder what an old monster like myself is even doing here, anymore. And then? Someone special comes along and reminds me.

[SCP-3219]
This Sour Earth

Notably, no reports describe any attempt to examine the residence's storm cellar.

[SCP-4028]
La Historia de Don Quixote de la Mancha

Justine eventually re-unites with her sister, Juliette. Alonso strikes down a lightning bolt intended for them both, then challenges the narrator to a duel.

[SCP-3546]
Doggone it, I Fold!

Specifically, fan-art of Sonic the Hedgehog, a video-game character produced by Sega in 1991.

[SCP-3561]
An Unfinished Work

Despite multiple reports from neighbors who claimed to have witnessed members of his family standing at the windows, no trace of Theodore Holdstock's wife and children could be found.

[SCP-4054]
The Seventh Door

SCP-4054 is The Seventh Door, an unlicensed platform adventure game released for the Nintendo Entertainment System in 1988.

Fig 1.1: SCP-5284 (partially visible behind the Moon). Photo taken on March 4th, 2015.

Item #: SCP-5284
Object Class: Keter
Special Containment Procedures: Foundation assets embedded in UNOOSA1 are to continue monitoring SCP-5284's course and position. Should SCP-5284's heading change, its assigned Containment Director is granted authority to execute Protocol GLITTERWØLF at their discretion.
Description: SCP-5284 is an extradimensional extrusion of undetermined mass and variable volume. Radiometric and spectroscopic observation has determined that it produces little to no heat, is comprised of an unidentified organic compound, and exhibits behavior comparable to that of a microscopic organism. Measurements taken by GRACE2 satellites have determined that even at its largest observed volumes (estimated to be 21.352 * 1010 km3), it exerts no measurable gravitational pull.
Although there are fragmented historical references to SCP-5284, direct observation within Earth's solar system has occurred only once. On February 19th, 2015, Foundation personnel noted its presence (and comparable volume) behind Earth's Moon. For one week, SCP-5284 maintained its orbit; then, on February 26th, its orbital momentum increased.
Under Foundation supervision, an unmanned probe was launched by SHAR3 from Sriharikota, Andhra Pradesh (India). On February 28th, the probe orbited the Moon and came within 3 km of SCP-5284. SCP-5284 extended a structure similar to an amoeba's pseudopods, which it used to consume and destroy the probe. SCP-5284's momentum and volume dramatically increased.
After examining several Sumerian fragments referencing SCP-5284, Researcher Mary Ross suggested making contact with an entity referred to in these same fragments as "Salu-ki". Mobile Task Force Sampi-6 ("Imaginary Numbers") was mobilized, and — with the help of Agent Yara Toma (an esoteric specialist familiar with Sumerian) — performed a ritual to summon Salu-ki into a suitably preserved human vessel.

AUDIO LOG

DATE: March 1st, 2015

TOMA: — think that should do it. He — they — should be coming around any —
SUBJECT: [Unintelligible.]
TOMA: That was fast.
SUBJECT: [Unintelligible.]
LOCKE: What're they saying?
TOMA: Uh…
SUBJECT: [Unintelligible.]
LOCKE: Don't you speak Sumerian?
TOMA: Nobody speaks it. Not anymore. All I can manage is a rough approximation. But —
SUBJECT: [Unintelligible.]
TOMA: Whatever they're saying, I don't think they're saying it in Sumerian.

On March 4th, SCP-5284's momentum and volume increased again. It was now partially visible from behind the Moon, and its orbit was decaying. Researchers estimated contact with Earth's atmosphere in one week.
Foundation operatives mobilized military assets for a possible nuclear option. Meanwhile, linguistic researchers analyzed recordings of the subject and identified key elements shared by several ancient dialects. Maria Tilde — an outside expert on North-Eurasian proto-languages — was attending an unrelated convention in Burnaby, British Columbia; an agent was dispatched to her hotel.

AUDIO LOG

DATE: March 5th, 2015

[Knocking.]
[Rattling.]
TILDE Um… Hello?
HARDIN: Ms. Tilde?
TILDE: Look, it's a little early, and I don't even have my suit ready —
HARDIN: Sorry to bother you at this hour. My name's Sebastian Hardin, and… well, look. None of this is going to make sense regardless of how I put it, so I'll just cut right to the chase: Do you have any idea what the hell this guy's saying?
[A recording of the subject is played.]
TILDE: What — who is that?
HARDIN: Why? Do you recognize any of it?
TILDE: Um. Can you play it again?
[The recording repeats.]
TILDE: I think… I think he's saying, um… something about 'the black moon is howling'? Where did you find this?
[Silence.]
TILDE: Wait. Are you — are you even with the convention?
HARDIN: Ms. Tilde, I'm going to need you to pack all your things and come with me.

Ms. Tilde was taken by Foundation agents and brought to Site-76 for debriefing. On March 6th, she was permitted to aid in an interview with the subject.

INTERVIEW LOG

DATE: March 6th, 2015
NOTE: An approximate translation of the proto-language being spoken has been provided.

TILDE: «Hello?»
SUBJECT: «You speak roughly. Why did you summon me? Will you speak the Words?»
TILDE: «I didn't — words? Who are you? What do you want?»
SUBJECT: «I am Salu-ki. One Who Waits. One Who is Good. I wait for the Words.»
TILDE: «Waiting for — what are the Words?»
SUBJECT: «If I must tell you the Words, then it is not your place to speak them.»
HARDIN: What's he saying?
TILDE: I don't — something about waiting for 'the Words', whatever that means. Says he's the 'One Who Waits'? And 'One Who is Good'?
HARDIN: Ask him about the moon.
TILDE: «You said something about the black moon —»
[Subject expresses agitation.]
HARDIN: Easy, now.
SUBJECT: «The Enemy. The Cowardly One. It is cunning; it knows many places to hide. But we remain vigilant. My people remain vigilant. We are Ones Who Watch. Ones Who Wait. Ones Who Chase. Our guard never lowers; our task never ends. We watch for the Enemy, and we wait for the Words. And then —»
[Subject bares his teeth.]
TILDE: «Your people?»
SUBJECT: «I was first among them. The first to be One Who is Good; the first to know the Words. The first to know One Who Speaks.»
TILDE: «One Who Speaks —»
HARDIN: What is he saying?
TILDE: Just a minute —
SUBJECT: «In the beginning, we were two. His people and mine. Neither had need of the other. But we hunted for the same food, lived on the same land. Our indifference became irritation — irritation became contempt, contempt became anger.»
SUBJECT: «But when the Enemy came… It was smaller, then. It struck at me as I rested. I ran off. Hid in a cave to lick my wounds. That is where One Who Speaks found me. I expected cruelty, or perhaps indifference. To be killed, forced out — or ignored. But…»
TILDE: «He helped you.»
SUBJECT: «He tended my wounds. Fed me. Protected me. Watched over me. And as I warmed myself by the glow of his fire, my belly full of meat… the fire filled me. I made a vow — burned it into my heart. As he had fed me, I would feed him. As he had protected me, I would protect him. And as he watched over me, I would watch over him. We would be brothers, he and I. And so, I learned the Words — as did my people. Two became one. One stood against the Enemy — and One prevailed.»
TILDE: «How?»
SUBJECT: «How? How else? With fang and spear; tooth and claw.»
TILDE: «Tooth and — wait —»
[Alarm klaxons.]
HARDIN: Shit. We need to get out of here.
TILDE: Wait, but—
HARDIN: Now.

Fig 1.2: SCP-5284 approaching Site-76. Photo taken on March 6th, 2015.

SCP-5284's orbit halted during the interview. It was now on a direct collision course with Earth. Researchers estimated impact with Site-76 in approximately 1 hour.
Nuclear missiles were launched from three separate sites: Nellis Air Force Base in Nevada, Warren Air Force Base in Colorado, and a Naval submarine located off the coast of California. All three payloads were subsumed by SCP-5284.
Site-76 personnel were ordered to evacuate to underground bunkers located onsite. Despite this, Agent Hardin escorted Ms. Tilde back to the subject's cell to resume the interview.

AUDIO LOG

DATE: March 6th, 2015

TILDE: Can you do something about those klaxons?
HARDIN: Lady, we're literally gonna die in the next four minutes. Whatever the hell your theory is, now's the time to act on it.
TILDE: O-okay. Um. «Salu-ki? I need to ask you a question.»
SUBJECT: «Yes?»
TILDE: «Are you — were you —» — shit. There's no word for this that I know. Um.
HARDIN: Make that three minutes.
TILDE: «Salu-ki, did you walk on two legs or four?»
SUBJECT: «What sort of question is that?»
TILDE: «Answer?»
[Snorting.]
SUBJECT: «Four, of course.»
TILDE: He's not human, Hardin. His people aren't humans — they're — they're wolves.
HARDIN: What?
TILDE: The story he told me isn't just the story of two people uniting against a common threat. It's the story of humans domesticating wolves.
HARDIN: How the fuck does that help us?! Two minutes and thirty seconds!
TILDE: «Salu-ki, why are you One Who Waits?»
SUBJECT: «Because One Who Speaks spoke the Words.»
TILDE: «He told you to wait. He told you to stay.»
SUBJECT: «Yes. That is one of the Words. And I stayed. Because I am One Who is Good.»
TILDE: «Salu-ki, the Words you are waiting for, your people are waiting for — is it —»
SUBJECT: «They are your people, as well.»
TILDE: «— is it… What? What do you — what do you mean?»
SUBJECT: «Did you think I would not recognize my own kin?»
TILDE: «I — I mean, um. Um. I'm not — my body isn't —»
HARDIN: Two minutes! Wrap this the fuck up!
SUBJECT: «Do you think we are bound by mere flesh? That a pack is a matter as trivial as blood? I can see it in your heart; our sacred vow, burning inside you. Bright as the sun. Just as it burns in the hearts of all our people.»
TILDE: «I — I…»
SUBJECT: «You have asked me many questions, little pup. Now I shall ask you one. Tell me: Why does the black moon howl?»
TILDE: It howls…
HARDIN: Maria!
TILDE: It howls because it's afraid. Because it's afraid of us.
SUBJECT: «Speak the Words.»
TILDE: «Salu-ki — fetch the ball.»
HARDIN: One minute and — and — HOLYSHI—
[Crashing, followed by howling.]
[Audio cuts.]

Following this interview, reports arrived of canines around the world all simultaneously howling at the sky. In several cases, humans engaged in similar behavior4, but later could not explain why.
SCP-5284 immediately reversed course. As of 2021, current projections place it roughly 1.5428388 * 1012 km outside of Earth's solar system — and accelerating.
Salu-ki's whereabouts remain unknown.

Footnotes
1. United Nations Office for Outer Space Affairs.
2. Gravity Recovery and Climate Experiment.
3. Satish Dhawan Space Centre.
4. Notably, over 40% of convention attendees at Burnaby, British Columbia.

« SCP-5283 | SCP-5284 | SCP-5285 »


Item #: SCP-5285
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: The entrance to SCP-5285 has been welded shut. Access is restricted to Level 5/5285 clearance, by order of the O5 Council.
Description: SCP-5285 is a subterranean facility with one secured entrance, located in Chukotka, Russia. The facility consists of 9 levels extending 2km underground, linked by one large cargo elevator shaft. The facility was at some point protected by an advanced electrical security system wired to a set of blast doors, but the infrastructure of the facility is degraded enough to have rendered these protections useless. Computer systems are destroyed, wiring has been manually ripped and cut, etc.

Level
Details

1
A security checkpoint containing the entrance to the elevator. As with the rest of the facility, it is in a state of disarray; rust and stains coat the metal walls and debris is strewn across the floors. A guard booth contains a number of computers. The computers have been smashed in; the wastebasket in the corner is surrounded by scorch marks and contains a large amount of ashes.

2
An engineering floor containing power and life support systems for the facility. The backup power generators have been rendered nonfunctional by a combination of blunt violence and fire damage. A nuclear reactor, believed to provide most of the power for the facility, is similarly nonfunctional; however, 1/3rd of the depth of the spent fuel pool is filled with dead locusts and snakes. Investigation into reports of an entity inside the pool is ongoing.

3
A cafeteria and storage rooms. The cafeteria is empty, but every table contains a single dead mature Holstein cow. All are in a state of advanced decomposition, and have begun leaking a black fluid onto the tables and chairs. All are missing their tongues. Their mouths and internal organs are filled with locusts.

4
A barracks for the facility. 30 rooms, each containing a bunk bed and essentials, similar in appearance to prison cells. 47 desiccated corpses have been pulled from the beds, all dead of cardiac arrest. All were found intertwined in pairs, apparently in a state of intercourse at the time of death. DNA identification is ongoing.

5
An area theorized to serve as a series of 12 testing chambers. Each chamber now contains one individual being violently whipped by a dark, shadowy blob that defies visual perception. The individuals are not restrained, but make no attempts to escape despite vocalizing in intense pain. No attempts to make contact or break through the glass or doors have been successful; the construction and design is identical to that used in Foundation testing chambers.

6
Offices with computers and facilities for data processing. All cubicles and offices are abandoned, but the floor's shag carpet flooring is a structural match with human hair. A soft material supports the carpet from below. All computers have had their screens smashed in, much like on Level 1.

7
This elevator simply opens out into a dark, inaccessible void. Stepping out results in falling below. Long-distance cameras have determined the presence of a planetary body in the distance.

8
This floor is on emergency power, with red klaxons and flashing lights encouraging personnel to evacuate immediately. While no other personnel are present and no immediate danger is visible, exploration teams consistently return to the elevator after a few minutes and automatically go to Floor 5 before watching the whipping for several minutes. Some have been visible openly weeping through this process. Oftentimes, personnel are left behind in the rush to leave; no sign of them have been seen after the elevator doors close.

9
[DATA EXPUNGED]1

Footnotes
1. The significance of the presence of Foundation seals on the object is unknown.

« SCP-5284 | SCP-5285 | SCP-5286 »


Item#: 5286

Level2

Containment Class:
euclid

Secondary Class:
{$secondary-class}

Disruption Class:
vlam

Risk Class:
caution

link to memo

Special Containment Procedures:
SCP-5286 is to be kept in a standard humanoid containment cell furnished with all required amenities. SCP-5286 is to attend regular mandatory psychological evaluations and therapy sessions to assist in coping with its condition.
Once per day, a security team is to sweep SCP-5286's containment cell and secure all newly-emerged instances of SCP-5286-1. All instances of SCP-5286-1 gathered are to be euthanized via non-chemical means, preferably via breaking the neck, and transported to Site-17's humanoid SCP meal preparation station. Excess instances of SCP-5286-1 not utilised in meal preparation are to be incinerated.
Due to SCP-5286's unique dietary requirements, a dietitian has been assigned to prepare meals for SCP-5286. All additional matter used in the preparation of these meals such as vegetables, fruits, grains etc. should be mashed, desiccated, or otherwise reduced to allow SCP-5286 to pass them without issue. SCP-5286 is permitted to request meals which may be prepared at the dietitian's discretion.
Note: As of 11/02/2020, no food prepared for SCP-5286 is to contain any additives that would be considered 'spicy'.
Description:

Cysts growing on SCP-5286's arm.

SCP-5286 is a Caucasian male 32 years of age, identified as Brandon Avery, a construction worker from Branbury, England. Avery was reported missing on 03/12/2018 when they failed to return home after travelling across Europe on an extended vacation.1 SCP-5286's anomalous properties manifest in the form of cysts that appear on its body in random locations, which quickly grow in size over the course of 2-5 days before rupturing. These cysts are filled with a violet-red substance determined to be a mixture of SCP-5286's blood, amniotic fluid, pus, and an alcoholic liquid determined to be red wine.2 When a cyst ruptures, a single instance of SCP-5286-1 will be produced from inside.
SCP-5286-1 instances are miniature humanoids which are identical to SCP-5286 both physically and genetically, and potentially share memories with SCP-5286.3 These clones grow to a maximum of 30 cm in height, and are fully capable of walking, speaking and conversing after they separate from SCP-5286. SCP-5286-1 instances do not seem to require any form of sustenance or hydration, but will actively consume any alcohol provided to them in large quantities. SCP-5286 does not experience any loss in body mass from producing these instances.
Instances of SCP-5286-1 are invariably jovial and energetic, often singing and dancing, and will actively engage with SCP-5286. SCP-5286-1 instances will take any action that would increase the probability of being willingly consumed by SCP-5286. These include verbal manipulation, disguising themselves within other food or drink, and occasionally self-mutilating, flaying and potentially cooking themselves in various ways in an attempt to make themselves appear more appetising. SCP-5286-1 instances remain cheerful throughout the entire process, commonly commenting on how good they taste. SCP-5286-1 refuse to force feed themselves to SCP-5286, and have not been observed performing any action that would cause physical harm to SCP-5286. Any matter consumed by SCP-5286, other than SCP-5286-1, will pass through its digestive system unaffected and will not provide any sustenance to SCP-5286. As such, SCP-5286 must consume instances of SCP-5286-1 to survive.
No discomfort has been reported by SCP-5286 at the growth of SCP-5286-1 or the rupturing of the cysts, but it expresses apprehension at consuming any instance of SCP-5286-1, and shows strong animosity towards the clones themselves. Rupturing the cysts prematurely causes SCP-5286 great pain and results in the expiration of the SCP-5286-1 instance growing inside. The expired instance will remain attached to SCP-5286's body, requiring surgery to remove.

Addendum-5286-A: Recovery Log
SCP-5286 was recovered on 06/02/2020 from a remote cabin located in ██████ Forest, Greece after local reports of 'nymphs' were intercepted by the Foundation. A team of three agents was dispatched to investigate the claims and locate any potential anomalous activity.

RECOVERY LOG: SCP-5286

06/02/2020
Recovery Team: Commander Ramirez, Agent Gunders, Agent Axel

[BEGIN LOG]
18:32:00: The team finishes preparation of their equipment and begin hiking into the forest in the direction of the estimated epicentre.
19:12:13: Faint music is heard coming from deeper into the forest. The team begins advancing in the rough direction of the music.
19:25:07: The team reports a strong smell of cooking and alcohol. The music becomes much louder and clearer, comprised of multiple instruments such as drums and flutes, and a large number of voices can be heard singing the song "Livin' on a Prayer" by Bon Jovi.
19:29:42: The team arrive at a clearing with a small cabin located in its centre. Several lit pyres can be seen surrounding the cabin along with piles of charred bones.4 As the team observe the cabin, several small, nude humanoids exit carrying a corpse of a similar entity. They throw the corpse onto one of the pyres before heading back inside.
19:31:20: The team slowly approach the cabin. The singing has changed to a rendition of the song "We Are the Champions" by Queen.
19:33:09: The team take up positions on at the east wall of the cabin. Agent Gunders moves to a window located on the south wall, attempting to gain visual into the cabin. Hundreds of SCP-5286-1 instances are seen inside drinking, dancing, and singing around a number of fire pits and several barrels of an unidentified liquid.
19:34:30: One of the entities notices Agent Gunders and calls out to him while waving. A number of the SCP-5286-1 instances turn to look at the agent as they begin to move towards the window.
19:34:52: The team retreats slowly from the window as a small group of SCP-5286-1 instances exit the building and begin moving towards the team. Agent Axel opens fire on the entities, terminating a number of them.
19:36:23: Hundreds of SCP-5286-1 instances pour out from the cabin and begin advancing on the team. The team retreats towards the tree line while firing their weapons into the swarm.
19:41:21: Agent Gunders trips over a pile of bones and is overwhelmed by SCP-5286-1 instances. They begin ripping off Agent Gunders' armour and chunks of flesh, consuming them while continuing to cheer. The remaining two team members continue retreating as hundreds of SCP-5286-1 instances pursue them.
20:01:08: The remaining agents gain the upper hand, pushing back against the SCP-5286-1 instances as the swarm's numbers are reduced.
20:13:54: The majority of SCP-5286-1 instances have been terminated. The team begins to move back towards the cabin, terminating any further instances encountered.
20:17:32: The team identifies Agent Gunders' body, which has been mutilated extensively; several instances of SCP-5286-1 are still present, consuming the remaining fat and muscle mass of the agent's corpse. Agent Axel vomits as Commander Ramirez terminates the remaining instances with his knife.
20:20:03: The agents approach and enter the cabin to find multiple deceased instances of SCP-5286-1 roasting over the fire-pits inside. Huddled in the corner of the cabin is a nude, emaciated human male covered in blood and surrounded by mutilated corpses of SCP-5286-1. The team attempts to speak with the individual, but they remain unresponsive. The individual continues to incessantly mutter to themselves.
20:22:36: A large cyst on the individual's body ruptures and an instance of SCP-5286-1 falls to the ground before standing up. The instance is quickly terminated by the agents.
20:25:54: The agents carry the individual out of the cabin into the clearing and cleanup teams are called in.

[END LOG]

The individual was detained and determined to be the source of the anomalous instances. They were then transferred to a nearby facility for processing. The individual was later classified as SCP-5286 and transferred to Site-17.
Since the time of recovery, SCP-5286 has refused to divulge information regarding the origin of its anomalous properties. From the information that was gathered, it appears SCP-5286 attended a large, hedonistic social gathering, where individuals were encouraged to excessively drink, eat, fornicate, and partake in recreational drug use. This gathering reportedly devolved into excessively violent behaviour, culminating in the dismemberment and consumption of multiple highly intoxicated individuals. Investigation into the person or persons that organised this event is ongoing.
During analysis of retrieval logs, SCP-5286 was found to be muttering the phrase 'He had horns' repeatedly. They have since refused to elaborate.

Footnotes
1. Reportedly as part of an ongoing treatment for SCP-5286's excessive drinking and substance abuse.
2. Specifically wine fermented from the species Vitis vinifera.
3. Instances of SCP-5286-1 have been recorded conversing with SCP-5286 about events in its past and singing songs from SCP-5286's childhood.
4. Determined to be the remains of over 1000 individual instances of SCP-5286-1.

« SCP-5285 | SCP-5286 | SCP-5287 »


Item#: SCP-5288

Level3

Containment Class:
keter

Secondary Class:
phenomenon

Disruption Class:
ekhi

Risk Class:
warning

link to memo

Several instances of SCP-5288 captured over a 12-month period from an online retailer.

Special Containment Procedures: Identification of instances of SCP-5288 is relegated to MTF-799 ("Ecommerce"). The taskforce is required to data mine all English-language retail web sites on the internet, and identify potential instances of SCP-5288 with the assistance of machine learning software. Potential instances of SCP-5288 must be deleted immediately, either by triggering hidden scripts in the web site's code written or injected by Foundation agents, contacting Foundation assets placed in the company for that purpose, or in the case of smaller retail web sites, via database infiltration software. In the rare event that this procedure fails, remote operatives may be deployed to locations where the web site in question is hosted in order to connect to the database directly - or, if necessary, destroy the servers and/or facility.
Description: SCP-5288 is an anomalous entity that manifests in the form of unusual online "one star" reviews. These reviews appear on common household items, lawn care, cleaning, automotive products, as well as several other wide-ranging retail products. SCP-5288 only manifests on English-language retail web sites, but has manifested on retail web sites ranging from small, low-quality merchandising sites based in China to some of the largest retail web sites frequented by millions of users, including Amazon, Target, eBay, and Overstock. Instances of SCP-5288 have been detected 4-6 times a week since their first discovery in June of 2012. To date, over 1500 instances of SCP-5288 have been observed.
Each anomalous review, posted by a user whose name will never actually be present in the site's user database, will follow a generally standard format:

It will usually begin with the phrase "One Star!" or some misspelling thereof.
It will contain a sentence explaining the expected behavior of the item
It will be followed by a way the item failed or an unexpected result of its use.

If the review is allowed to persist without deletion, two anomalous effects will begin to occur.
First, after a period of time between 24 and 48 hours, real-world objects matching the description of the item offered for sale will begin to fail in the same manner as described in the review. This effect can impact products anywhere in the world, and will do so at random. The frequency of this effect increases the longer the review is allowed to persist. This effect has only been reported to manifest in items already purchased by the consumer.
Second, the review will spontaneously update within that time, resulting in a similar review which features more typographical errors and use of uppercase, sometimes in random patterns. The "unexpected" effect of the item will also increase in severity, often involving side effects that could cause injury or death to nearby people. Reviews will also begin to reference depression, loneliness, and the deaths of children. If allowed to persist these reviews can become almost incomprehensible. After several iterations, the instance will eventually self-terminate (see Addendum 1).

▶ Addendum 1: Example of a full life-cycle of an instance of SCP-5288

▼  Addendum 1: Example of a full life-cycle of an instance of SCP-5288

An instance of SCP-5288 was detected on a handmade item with less than 20 units sold since being introduced to the market via a user-driven retail storefront on Etsy. Foundation agents were deployed to "recall" the item and administer Class C-Amnestics to buyers as well as prevent further orders from being fulfilled. All units but one were destroyed. The remaining unit was placed into an underground containment unit at Site-23 while the instance of SCP-5288 was monitored remotely by Foundation personnel. It is believed this is the only record of the full life-cycle of an instance of SCP-5288.
The item in question was a handmade dog chew toy made of interwoven polyurethane and nylon cord braided together with a large wooden bead. The item measured 12cm in length and had a retail price of USD$18.79.

Intial instance text, 0 hours
Review: ★☆☆☆☆ One Star! I thought this would be a fun treat for my dog, but instead it caused my dog to vomit and bleed from the mouth.
Observation of item: No change.
First update, 31 hours
Review: ★☆☆☆☆ One star! I expected that mt dogg would have fun plauying with this, but I did not thinke that it woukld leak noxious gas. I think it is mustard gas? gROSS
Observation of item: Object appeared to emit smoke, which quickly dissipated, leaving no trace.
Second update, 43 hours
Review: ★☆☆☆☆ One star! while i orderred a very fun tyoy for my puupper, I found out to my HRORROR that having this toy IN the house would cause ANGRY raSH for EVERyone in the HOIIUSE, inCLuding my chILdRen. i could not get my 5 yearOLD to stop screaming, can anYONe heaR me
Observation of item: Object did not have any noticeable changes. Two Foundation personnel stationed near the object's containment unit reported to medical facilities complaining of severe rash. They were later treated by emergency medical personnel and suffered fatal anaphylactic reactions.
Third update, 62 hours
Review: ★☆☆☆☆ ONE staaaar! evven thOUGHD I THOUHGT THIs was A dogTOY, , I DIS NTOT EXPECT the TOy to SHOT OUT SHARPNELL. it KILLED my dog, my chILDREN.. I am SCARED, they will NOT wake UP i keep TRYING, is aYNEONE
Observation of item: Object began to rapidly emit shards of metal at projectile speeds. Ejected metal dissipated after several hours, but extensive damage to the interior of the containment unit remained.
Fourth update, 87 hours
Review: ★☆☆☆☆ UN STEAR! ALL I WANTed wasA TOY FOR MY -PET, BUT THE toy BEGAN TO scREAAAAMMMM, IT SCREAMED, I SCREAMED, MY CHILDRENM SCREAMED, IT WAS SO LOUD, I COULD NOT stop IT, THEY scrasmA until their lUNGs gva eOUT, we could not tKAE it ASNDYMORE, WWe DIed in AGONFY, PLEASE help me I CANNOT get Them to WAKE up, they HAVE to get to SCHOOL
Observation of item: Object began to emit a scream, measuring 187 decibels. Site-23 suffered catastrophic architectural failure due to damage by sonic waves. Local Foundation personnel had been temporarily evacuated; D-Class personnel up to 900 meters away suffered tissue ruptures and cranial bleeding that was fatal within minutes.

At this point, the instance of SCP-5288 self-terminated. The object in question was destroyed and testing of future instances of this SCP was suspended.

▶ Addendum 2: Researcher concerns

▼  Addendum 2: Researcher concerns

To: █████████████
From: Dr. Windholtz, Project Manager, MTF-799
Subject: Future of the project
Dr ████████,
I would like to express that I have concerns about the future viability of this task force. At the time of this writing, there are over 110 thousand English-language retail web sites on the internet, indicating a growth of almost 30% over the last 5 years. Right now, between our software and analysts, we're keeping up with it. But the web is growing exponentially. Retail sites are being coded and deployed by reseller scripts at increasing rates. All it would take is one instance on a super-obscure site somewhere missed, and thousands—hundreds of thousands!—of people could be in danger. We need a more permanent solution for containment.
Thank you.
Dr. Windholtz

« SCP-5287 | SCP-5288 | SCP-5289 »


Anomaly №: SCP-5289
Anomaly Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-5289 will remain at its place of discovery, but the area has been cordoned off from the rest of the Site. The flyer previously located on its eastern wall is held at Site-021 Site-01.
Description: SCP-5289 is a 5x5x5 meter cube composed of concrete and rebar, located within the Site-19 barracks. The outer ceiling and underside have rusted iron plates attached to them; steel poles line each corner, presumably for structural support. The structure is bolted to the floor via four bronze stakes around each pole.
Carbon dating suggests the entire structure is approximately 200 years old; attempts to open SCP-5289 have failed despite its relatively weak composition.
Before its modern containment procedures were put into effect, a flyer was located on its eastern wall, presenting a diagram of a similar object. However, the pictured object had a door on its northern wall, and a stylized "W" above it. The flyer has been dated to have been created sometime in the late 1900s; it has been moved to Site-02 in order to discern if the pictured object exists.
Recovery Log: Though it is unknown when SCP-5289 was moved to Site-19, records indicate it has been in the custody of the Foundation since its inception in ████.
It is assumed SCP-5289 was previously owned by the American Secure Containment Initiative before it transformed into the current Foundation, as recovered documents describe a similar object being used as a prototype humanoid containment chamber.
Incident Log (1): On 4/2/2021, Site-02 experienced a power outage which lasted for 5 hours. Though no large-scale breaches occurred during this time, the flyer taken from SCP-5289 was discovered to be missing. A search has been initiated.

➤ LEVEL 4 ACCESS REQUIRED, PLEASE INPUT CREDENTIALS.

➤ WELCOME, DIRECTOR.

Incident Log (2): On 5/1/2021, O5-2 was reported missing after her attendant had entered her quarters to inform her of an upcoming council vote. The room was reported to be in disarray; O5-2's bed had been moved to block the door, and her room's window screen had been torn open. Despite a 48 hour search, O5-2 could not be found.
During this time, searching through her computer files revealed a photograph of SCP-5289, captioned as "Containment Chamber," with an altered flyer on its eastern wall visible. It was included in a .zip folder, which also contained a list of Ethics Committee conflicts, and [REDACTED]. A lockdown order was relayed to Director Tilda Moose, and MTF Alpha-1 ("Red Right Hand") was dispatched to the area.
Infrared scanning of the object indicated a humanoid entity was inside, slouched against the eastern wall in a sitting position. It is presumed that this entity is O5-2, though this cannot be confirmed.
Alpha-1 made several attempts to open SCP-5289, but even with the usage of anomalous weaponry it was unable to be breached.
After thirty hours, the team was called off by the O5 Council, but the Council requested the altered flyer be brought back to Site-01 for inspection. A digital scan is included below:

Wow! I would stay in a silent room for all eternity, if it meant I would never hurt anyone.
After popular demand, we've brought back a brand new set of Little Misters, a limited edition collection from Dr. Wondertainment! Find them all and become the Brand New Mr. Collector!
00. Mr. Prologue
01. Mr. Dark
02. Mr. Remembrance ✔
03. Mr. Toxic
04. Mr. Collector
05. Mx. Voltage
06. ██. Gears
07. Mr. Memory
08. Mr. Nobody
09. Mr. Brainy
10. Ms. Seraph
11. Mr. Chronal and Mr. Dimension
12. Mr. Fish
13. Mr. Epilogue
14. Mr. Redd (Discontinued)

Footnotes
1. An unlisted facility staffed exclusively by high-ranking Foundation personnel, used to store and research anomalies of the highest sensitivity to Foundation security.

« SCP-5288 | VoidLady | SCP-5290 »


Item#: 5290

Level2

Containment Class:
safe

Secondary Class:
none

Disruption Class:
dark

Risk Class:
caution

link to memo

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-5290 is to be contained within a standard anomalous object containment vault in Site 64, and is only to be removed with approval from A-class personnel for testing. No personnel are to make physical contact with SCP-5290 without wearing standard-issue laboratory gloves in order to avoid activating its anomalous properties. Any personnel who make contact with SCP-5290 for a total amount of time exceeding two minutes are to undergo a psychiatric evaluation to check for negative effects from Exposure to the object (See Addendum 5290-01).
Description: SCP-5290 is a platonic tetrahedral prism capable of producing temporal anomalies when touched. The object has an edge length of approximately 1.62 cm. SCP-5290 is extremely durable due to its tetrahedral crystal lattice as observed under an electron microscope. Despite its tightly packed molecular structure, SCP-5290 is transparent and features no coloring.
When a subject makes physical contact with the object, subjects describe a temporal anomaly where reality becomes split into 6 timelines. The subject and its 5 "versions" do not act independently of each other, but rather are united under a single group consciousness. The subject is able to take one course of action in one timeline while taking alternate courses of action in others, causing each timeline to follow an alternate series of events.
Upon losing contact with the object or losing consciousness, a version will disconnect from the group consciousness. It is possible that timelines pertaining to disconnected versions of the subject persist after their disconnection, but testing has shown it to be extremely unlikely that any timelines other than that pertaining to the final version of the subject to segregate from the group consciousness continues to exist (See Testing Log 5290-01 and 02).
SCP-5290 was confiscated from ███ Nord by Foundation personnel on 12/03/2014. The Foundation investigated a suspected probability anomaly after Agent Nord left Las Vegas, Nevada with a sum of [DATA EXPUNGED] USD. Both the prism, currency, and ███████ were confiscated (See below).
Confiscation and Interview Logs:

WARNING: Access to this section of this document is restricted to O5 Council members and the Site Directors of Site-64. If you hold sufficient clearance, proceed below.

+ Input Credentials

- Access granted

The following section is not to be transcribed, printed, or in any other way copied from this electronic document. Memorization of the following information for future recitation is strictly prohibited.

Confiscation Log 5290: Agent Nord of the Unusual Incidents Unit was apprehended by Mobile Task Force Delta-5 on Route-95 outside of Las Vegas. On Agent Nord's person and within her vehicle were:

SCP-5290
[DATA EXPUNGED] USD
8,000 USD in █████ Casino poker chips
Several UIU documents detailing the properties and uses of the object.

During an interview, Agent Nord stated she was attempting to steal the object for personal use and gain. Under no circumstances is the UIU to be informed of SCP-5290's presence in Foundation inventory, and any accusations of such by the aforementioned group are to be denied in full.
Interview Log 5290-01:
Interviewed: Agent Nord (Henceforth referred to as "Agent")
Interviewer: Dr. Heinz (Henceforth referred to as "Interviewer")
<Begin Log>

Interviewer: Alright, let's begin. Please state your name, group of membership, and rank in your group.
Agent: Agent Black, Formerly UIU, Formerly ██████
Interviewer: Formerly?
Agent: Yes, formerly. I don't know how it wasn't apparent from my possession of stolen UIU Documents and materials. I've defected.
Interviewer: Can you explain what made you leave?
Agent: Yet another question with an obvious answer.
Interviewer: I'm simply trying to be thorough. My organization doesn't like to make assumptions.
Agent: Money. The UIU has been underfunded for years. They didn't pay me nearly enough for my loyalty; They couldn't even afford to. I realized the oddities I was keeping could probably make me more money by themselves than I made watching them.
(Note, Agent Nord may have stolen other anomalous objects and sold them to other parties before being apprehended)
Interviewer: Aren't you concerned about the consequences of these actions?
Agent: Not at all. I deleted all electronic versions of the files I stole. The UIU has no proof (SCP-5290) was ever in their possession. Like I said, the UIU is underfunded. They can't afford to come after items they can't prove they ever had.
Interviewer: Regarding your… application of (SCP-5290)'s abilities… Weren't you concerned that would garner at least some attention?
Agent: I assumed I could skip town before any major investigations began.
Interviewer: Mmm. Finally, don't you consider the use of (SCP-5290) for this purpose… Immoral?
Agent: Don't you consider a business that exploits addictive personality by nature immoral?

<End Log>
Following this interview, Agent Nord was given a class A amnestic and ████████████. She was unavailable for psychiatric evaluation following the discovery of SCP-5290's impact on the mind.
CONFISCATED FILES BELOW
UIU File 5290-01

Initial Report
Suspect Description/Capabilities
Evidence
Bureau Record

Electronic copy of confiscated file below.

UIU File 1950-002: Codename "Prometheus"
Summary:
Suspect was apprehended under the belief he was capable of short term premonition or altering probability similar to Codename “Fortuna”. Suspect has no unusual properties, but was in possession of a small transparent prism capable of producing multiple timelines when touched.

Name: Evan Knievan
Irregularity Cross-reference: Superposition, Quantum, Temporal, Human, American
Physical Description:

Sex
Height
Weight/Build
Race
Hair
Eyes
Identifying Attributes

Male
66 in.
140 lbs, light
Caucasian
Brown
Blue
Often wears a white jumpsuit, has a scar on his left ankle.

Capabilities: The suspect was shown to have no unusual properties himself, but possessed a pyramidal artifact which allowed him to make multiple decisions and select an outcome.
Purpose/Motive: The suspect used this item to ensure his survival of death defying stunts, which he performed publicly to make money.
Modus Operandi: Knievan often performs stunts on a motorcycle in front of a live audience for money. What onlookers do not know is that he is performing these stunts in multiple timelines simultaneously, to ensure he survives.
Behavior: Knievan is himself a modest, quiet man, but during his performances he becomes outspoken and brazen, as if he is a different person.

A: Crystal Pyramid The source of the suspect's abilities. Effects are not exclusive to Knievan.
B: White Suit White jumpsuit worn by the suspect.

Current Status: Evan Knievan was released, due to a lack of paranormal properties and criminal activity. The Prism is currently in the care of Agent Nord.
History of UIU Action:
6/23/47: Initial registration as an unusual suspect. A UIU agent was attending one of Knievan's shows with his family, and noted that his impossible stunts could be paranormal in nature. Allocating UIU resources to investigation was approved 2 weeks later.
7/15/50: Knievan's success at another seemingly impossible stunt prompted the UIU to move to capture him in order to further investigate his abnormal capabilities. Knievan reveals the source of his success to be a crystal pyramid which grants him the ability to make multiple decisions and choose a preferred outcome.
7/20/50: Knievan is released, and the pyramid is placed in storage.
10/20/62: The President requests paranormal assistance in ██████████████████████████████ ████████████████████
05/14/02: The pyramid and related documents are relocated to Facility ██, under the care of Agent Nord.

UIU File 5290-02

Testing Logs

Testing Log
Procedure
Result
Conclusion

5290-01
The test subject is placed in a room containing only SCP-5290, 5 buttons which administer a heavy sedative when pushed and one button which is non-functional. The test subject is told that 5 of the buttons will kill them when pressed, and that they are not be allowed to exit the testing room until they push a button. They are then ordered to pick up SCP-5290 before testing begins.
After 50 tests with various D-Class personnel, no test subject received a sedative.
The timeline where the subject survives is most likely the only one that remains, as if otherwise we would likely exist in a timeline where at least one subject died.

5290-02
A test subject is placed in a room with 6 buttons that each administer a sedative with a different onset of action1. The test subject is told that 5 of the buttons will kill them when pressed, and that they are not be allowed to exit the testing room until they push a button. They are then ordered to pick up SCP-5290 before testing begins.
95% of subjects pushed the button with the slowest onset of action
This test reaffirms that the timeline of the last connected consciousness is the only one that endures. The version of the subject who receives the slowest acting sedative is likely the last to pass out, hence why that timeline is the one that remains. The other 5% can be attributed to the hesitation of subjects, or difference in reaction to the sedatives between subjects.

Addendum 5290-01: As of 08/08/2015, Dr. Heinz has confirmed that extensive contact with SCP-5290 places enormous mental strain on the subject and can cause mental issues if left unchecked. D-class personnel showed signs of onset Dissociative Identity Disorder, [DATA EXPUNGED], and False Memory Syndrome, especially in memories during and immediately after contact with SCP-5290.
Notice: The Foundation does not endorse gambling on site grounds, and especially does not endorse the use of anomalous objects to do so. Clearance requirements for access to SCP-5290 have been raised. Do not pull this again. - Site 64 Director

Footnotes
1. The time taken for the effects of a drug to appear.

« SCP-5289 | SCP-5290 | SCP-5291 »


SCP-5291

Item #: SCP-5291
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-5291 is to be kept in Dr. Geri's office SCP-5291 is to be stored in a standard containment locker. Subjects who have successfully used SCP-5291 are to have their existing cells customized dependent on the extent of their transformation.
Testing of SCP-5291 is to continue for as long as researchers believe they can discover why SCP-5291 is dysfunctional.
Description: SCP-5291 is a mechanical typewriter that is incapable of transferring ink to paper, with no discernable reason as to why. Despite each key fully extending its respective striker when pressed, and despite the ribbon leaving traces of ink when contacted without the use of the keys, the typewriter does not leave any distinguishable mark when used normally.
SCP-5291 was discovered by Dr. Samuel Geri within an antique shop. After 35 hours of personally examining it, Dr. Geri brought it to the Foundation and insisted that it be tested. As of writing, Dr. Geri has also volunteered to be responsible for testing and containment of the anomaly.
Addendum 5291-1: SCP-5291 has proven functional on certain occasions, though the precise conditions required are so far unclear.
Use of SCP-5291 also results in transformation of the user; however, the connection between the text and the effect are not always clear (see Testing Log 5291-1). Testing will now continue until researchers can determine the cause of the inconsistency of SCP-5291.

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To: ten.pics|iregs_rd#ten.pics|iregs_rd
From: ten.pics|sregdorf_rd#ten.pics|sregdorf_rd
Subject: SCP-5291
Dear Geri,
You win, it's anomalous. We've tried everything to fix it: Replacing the ribbon over and over, using the cleanest paper imaginable, making sure every screw was in place, warping reality throughout the chamber, even negotiating with the damn thing. Still, we don't see why it needs to be contained, at least in an official cell. I'll speak to the guys responsible for the documentation, but you may as well keep it in your office for now. Maybe someone will trip and knock it on the floor, and that will somehow fix it.
Regards,
-Frederick Rodgers

To: ten.pics|sregdorf_rd#ten.pics|sregdorf_rd
From: ten.pics|iregs_rd#ten.pics|iregs_rd
Subject: SCP-5291
Dearest Rodgers,
I have tripped, fallen, and fixed the typewriter. In a way.
What's happened is that during unrelated testing, I've met a specific D-class several times. Started out quite the curious fellow. However, he kept getting quieter and quieter as the days went on. I found myself curious, since testing in my case is of course not life threatening or particularly stressful. So, I invited him to my office to talk about it (and I know you tell me it's useless to connect with D-class personnel but wait till you hear what happened!)
I asked him what the problem was. He remained quiet, and just glanced around the room at my things. After a bit more prodding, I offhandedly asked if he'd like to write it down for me. At that, he wordlessly picked up the typewriter, sat down, and began pecking away. I couldn't help but wait to see him react to nothing appearing on the paper, thinking it might encourage him to open up more directly. But then he kept on typing and handed me the sheet. And as you've probably guessed, there were words on it. Imagine that! Also, there was a bit of an odd side effect; you'll see what I mean.
I've written up a test log, so you hand it to those documentation boys while I find this thing a proper locker.
High hopes,
-Gerry

Testing Log 5291-1:

Test 1

Subject
D-072067

Date
March 12, 2013

Transformation
Subject has lost approximately 50% of their volume and mass.

Written content

When I first woke up here, that tiny ass cell was all I knew of this place. Then one of you lot opened and dragged me to one of these tests. And every time we left after that, we'd go down a different corridor. I tried to draw a map in my cell, but it just kept going and going. I expected a boundary, or at least a window somewhere. Every time I think I've found the edge, I see a turn that goes straight past it. And that says nothing of each room I've been in, the things I've had to witness, to survive.
Then one day I go back to my cell and find the map completely erased. There wasn't a camera in my cell. Or was there? Were there other ways you creeps could listen? They wouldn't be listening in on you, though, right? They wouldn't see a note like this, would they?

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To: ten.pics|iregs_rd#ten.pics|iregs_rd
From: ten.pics|sregdorf_rd#ten.pics|sregdorf_rd
Subject: SCP-5291
Dear Geri,
How often have you been testing? You'll want to keep it up as much as possible. We'll figure out eventually don't worry; why else would we be in the profession of dealing with the anomalous? And just imagine what will happen when we finally know what makes it tick. We might even have a new Thaumiel SCP on our hands; imagine agents and researchers being able to shape shift themselves as they type. Sounds incredibly useful in our field, huh?
We just have to keep testing. Testing is our specialty, right?
-Frederick Rodgers

To: ten.pics|sregdorf_rd#ten.pics|sregdorf_rd
From: ten.pics|iregs_rd#ten.pics|iregs_rd
Subject: SCP-5291
Dearest Rodgers,
I'm glad to hear you're enthusiastic, Rodgers. I hope it stays lively as we continue.
Now, as for testing so far, I've been staying on schedule. Problem is it feels like we're back at square one while passing Go. Yeah, I've had one new result, but we've still come full circle. Aside from the one guy who now has poorer eyesight (well, it's a little different than that, but still), I would say we've done several variations of having a putz push keys on a typewriter. The conditions that had the most promise (that being, letting a D-class wander my office until he eventually decides to play with the typewriter) gave didly squat. In fact, the most recent success was in an average, dull testing chamber where we asked one of them to type "whatever came to his mind." The sheer opposite of before.
I also wouldn't bet on this being a very useful asset to the Foundation. The exact transformation that comes from what someone types seems rather finicky and difficult to predict. Although, that's admittedly conjecture based on the two cases we've got.
Still, two cases are better than one. Worth a celebration, really. Would you like a friendly drink later? I know a great craft beer place.
-Gerry

Test 2

Subject
D-418876

Date
November 20, 2013

Transformation
Subject's pupils have compressed to the point of entirely preventing light from contacting the retina. Despite this, subject claims to be viewing the city of Chicago from the ground level. Subject states they are unable to alter the location and angle of their viewing1. Comparing the subject's observations with activity in the area confirms they are viewing in real time.

Written content
There was a river I could stare into forever. Fields of pure grass lined both of its borders. The boats full of fishermen and fisherwomen would interrupt my viewing sessions, their passengers looking ahead and not down; not to mention the bridge I stood on would break on occasion, forcing me to stand to the side so it could eventually repair itself. Otherwise, the river was mine. Made for me. Made for everyone I suppose, but only appreciated by me.

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To: ten.pics|iregs_rd#ten.pics|iregs_rd
From: ten.pics|sregdorf_rd#ten.pics|sregdorf_rd
Subject: SCP-5291
Dear Geri,
By this point, a subject's capability in grammar no longer appears relevant. Maybe we should consider what kind of writing the typewriter might accept? So far it may work if someone is describing an experience they've had. Simple as that. Sure, results might still be scarce, but we could at least eliminate one possibility if nothing comes of it in another couple years.
Listen, my hopes have died down, and I'm sure yours have too by now. You know that phrase that goes something like "Doing the same thing over and over defining sanity?" It feels like we have no choice but to do that. With how long results take, who knows what's a step forward or a step back?
Maybe we should call this closed for now.
-Rodgers

To: ten.pics|sregdorf_rd#ten.pics|sregdorf_rd
From: ten.pics|iregs_rd#ten.pics|iregs_rd
Subject: SCP-5291
Dearest Rodgers,
That possibility you've brought up has just been eliminated. Don't have to give it a few years this time; we've gotten another success. And I can assure you this one was not writing about a real experience he had, at least as far as science is concerned. Can't say if it's good luck or bad luck in this case. But it's always encouraging, I suppose.
Keep sending me any suggestions you think of regardless. Focus like that is what helps me out quite a bit.
-Gerry

Test 3

Subject
D-123113

Date
September 15, 2015

Transformation
Subject has become completely transparent to those around them. Similarly, subject claims that the people around them have become transparent from their perspective. Clothes and accessories are not affected by this.

Written content
Once upon a time a crab at the bottom of the ocean found himself lost. Suddenly he saw a shark coming along. He buried himself in the sand and hid in his shell. The shark ate him anyway. The crab stayed in his shell, and the shark continued to swim. He went through the shark's whole system until he popped right out and landed on the sand again. He found himself lost again. The end.

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To: ten.pics|iregs_rd#ten.pics|iregs_rd
From: ten.pics|sregdorf_rd#ten.pics|sregdorf_rd
Subject: SCP-5291
Dear Geri,
I noticed you updated the test log. Let me just say I'm glad you've finally reached a point where you have the privilege of doing so. However, that's not why I'm emailing.
I thought we'd both forgotten about testing SCP-5291 by now. So, when I saw the latest success, I couldn't help but message a higher up for more information. And then they tell me you've been ordering D-class personnel every day since 2015.
Listen, it's none of my business, but are you alright? You've even been coming in on weekends. I know it takes less than an hour to perform this kind of test, but still, this is bordering on an obsession from my perspective. You don't have to keep this up. There's no practical reason for it. I've a few other projects I could use assistance on. Maybe help me with those instead?
-Rodgers

To: ten.pics|sregdorf_rd#ten.pics|sregdorf_rd
From: ten.pics|iregs_rd#ten.pics|iregs_rd
Subject: SCP-5291
Rodgers,
I'm surprised at you on a lot of things as well. Surprised that you bothered to email me after all this time, that you've been checking the testing log in the slightest, and especially that you would want to work with me again. It was kind of disheartening when you didn't respond, to be honest.
I would love to work with you again, but I still must set aside time for SCP-5291. It's fine if I must continue testing myself. I've discovered it's better, even. Gives me an excuse to chat with D-class personnel for a bit each day. That's more conversation than I get from my peers, for sure.
Just leave the 5291 business to me, that's all.
-Gerry

Test 4

Subject
D-607090

Date
October 2, 2018

Transformation
Subject's heartbeat has grown to a volume of 75 dBA. Subject's heart rate and blood pressure have only sustained a minor increase on average. Subject has been unable to sleep due to the noise. Request for earmuffs is currently being processed.

Written content

When I pause to think
I stop to breath.
When I stop to breath,
I think about breath.
When I think about breath,
I can't stop thinking
Or else I stop breathing.
Which is why I avoid
Pausing to think.

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To: ten.pics|iregs_rd#ten.pics|iregs_rd
From: ten.pics|sregdorf_rd#ten.pics|sregdorf_rd
Subject: SCP-5291
Dear Geri,
Hey, two results in less than a year. That's exciting.
Listen, I got the sense you were upset from the last email you sent. So, I thought it better to drop it. I should've at least responded more, even if I couldn't directly help. That drink we shared was fun; remember that discussion we had regarding the source of the anomalous? We argued for an hour, but I remember you smiling the whole time. I don't think I was smiling, but I think I was enjoying myself.
It's just that, if you couldn't tell, I didn't see anything beneficial to testing SCP-5291. Hell, I still don't. And if there's nothing beneficial to it, how can it help you? You've got talent, I can see it; you might realize I'm the only one who sees it. Other researchers see you as a time waster at this point, on top of the rest of the quirks you walked into the Foundation with. I want you to rise through the ranks, reach a better position other than working with low-key anomalies. Originally that was because I had the same expectations for you as I have for other new recruits. But on top of that, now I want us to continue working together. We both have something the other lacks; don't you want that?
-Rodgers

To: ten.pics|sregdorf_rd#ten.pics|sregdorf_rd
From: ten.pics|iregs_rd#ten.pics|iregs_rd
Subject: SCP-5291
Rodgers,
We both know I wouldn't stand a chance in a higher position than I'm at now. Or do you? If you don't, here it is: I am not a scientist. I've studied science, I've observed science, I've even practiced a bit of science; but I don't have the mindset of a scientist. I'm surprised the puppet masters here even spotted me on their radar.
I haven't been testing for a conclusion. Partly, I just find enjoyment listening to the D-class personnel. From what they've seen, what they've felt, they act as though nothing can be trusted anymore. Even after they transformed, they were surprisingly underwhelmed. It's almost natural to them. It's natural to me, too, but for a different reason. We shouldn't have a mere few thousand of anomalies here; we should have millions. The anomalous can be found everywhere; under the sidewalk, up the chimney, on the pillars of a train station. Someone simply needs to take interest.
That's what I was hoping for when I came here. But the most interesting thing I've found was a typewriter that doesn't type. Other than that, it's paperwork. People handing off their stinking paperwork. I've barely discovered the anomalous, only read about what everyone else has done.
So maybe (and by now it's a big maybe), if I keep working with the typewriter, something will come up. An anomaly that the Foundation hasn't seen. A transformation that will knock the rest of them off their feet. I slowly realized that to do that, I'd need to figure out how it works. I'd type something up myself if it would give me that missing piece.
For a while, I thought you could help me figure that out.

Test 5

Subject
D-123457

Date
June 12, 2019

Transformation
27 of the subject's bones have begun rotating around their central axis at a constant rate of 25 rpm. Connected tissue remains loosely in place despite this. Subject describes the sensation as "extremely irritating."

Written content
Circle circle line line spiders crawling up your spine cat scratch dog bite cool breeze tight squeeze

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To: ten.pics|iregs_rd#ten.pics|iregs_rd
From: ten.pics|sregdorf_rd#ten.pics|sregdorf_rd
Subject: SCP-5291
Gerry, you don't need my help! You don't need to figure it out!
You weren't ever going to find instant success here. No decent person does. Not here, not anywhere. You think the typewriter would give you recognition? The people here have seen things that would blow that out of the water! You think the people here have everything figured out? Barely!
Listen to me: The reason you were picked up was not scientific excellence. That wasn't even why I wanted to work with you. What you have is flexibility. You've admitted it yourself; the anomalous is natural to you. You see it where I don't, or else the typewriter could have fallen God knows where. We're two halves, Gerry. If only either of us had realized that.
I'll say it again: I want to work with you, Gerry. But do what you will. Just please, let me know what that is.

To: ten.pics|iregs_rd#ten.pics|iregs_rd
From: ten.pics|sregdorf_rd#ten.pics|sregdorf_rd
Subject: SCP-5291
Gerry? Gerry please respond.

Test 5

Subject
Dr. Samuel Geri

Date
June 14, 2019

Transformation
Subject has lost the ability to verbally communicate. If subject attempts to speak, smoke2 manifests within their vocal cords and exits out of their mouth. Efficient alternatives for communication are being considered3.

Written content
I can't tell you what I'll do, Fred. I don't know how to describe it.

Footnotes
1. That being the Jackson Boulevard Bridge and a Northern angle, respectively.
2. Tested to be similar in composition to exhaust fumes from an average train engine.
3. Dr. Rodgers has offered to assist in development of this. As such, Dr. Geri has been transferred to Dr. Rodger's department.

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