Item#: 5536

Level3

Containment Class:
keter

Secondary Class:
none

Disruption Class:
ekhi

Risk Class:
warning

link to memo

Photo of the Stonehenge monument, taken by on-site security seconds before the Ansuman Incident.

Special Containment Procedures: Containment Site-57 has been established around SCP-5536 with a radius of approximately 2 km. The perimeter around SCP-5536 is to be routinely patrolled by at least 20 armed security personnel. Any irregular activity outside of SCP-5536's established pattern is to be immediately reported to Site Director Pendleton. The following astronomical events must have the listed measurements taken:

Solar eclipse: All flowers in bloom on SCP-5536's trilithons must have liquid mercury applied and SCP-5536-3 transported to the Site-57 Observatory.
Lunar eclipse: Terminate SCP-5536-3 through the method of decapitation.

Any and all attempts to visually document SCP-5536 are strictly prohibited.
SCP-5536-3 is to be kept in a standard windowless humanoid containment cell in Site-57 and provided monthly psychological evaluation. SCP-5536-3 must never be exposed to sunlight or any other kind of stronger ultraviolet radiation. SCP-5536-3 is allowed restricted socialization privileges with appointed personnel and permission to roam designated areas of the site under the supervision of a bodyguard due to cooperative behaviour.
Description: SCP-5536 is a stone monument commonly known as "Stonehenge," located in Wiltshire, England. Following the Ansuman Incident, each of the trilithons1 has exhibited dangerously high levels of ultraviolet and gamma radiation, capable of deteriorating any biological composition and damaging any artificial equipment within 9.5 meters. The large amounts of radiation has also created an optical anomaly in its centre, a construct of a glowing purple cube (approximately 5 m from each side) that remains the same even if observed from different angles.
The following is the established pattern of SCP-5536's anomalous activity:

Day cycle: 10 to 20 SCP-5536-2 instances will emerge and begin circling the trilithons until sundown.
Night cycle: Vines will sprout from and envelop every trilithon, with hundreds of an unknown species of white flower bulbs2 embedded on each one. Each of these flower bulbs measures around 30 cm in length and 19 cm in width. Any attempts to remove or water them have have resulted in the plant's expiration.
Solar eclipse: The white flowers will bloom open, revealing their mouths.
Lunar eclipse: All objects within a 3 km radius with a volume of 729 m3 or more will experience unpredictable temporal, spacial, and reality distortions. 100 to 250 instances of SCP-5536-2 will emerge from SCP-5536.

Any visual depiction of SCP-5536 following the Ansuman incident can cause severe hazardous properties when viewed in any way, ranging from permanent brain damage to [DATA EXPUNGED].
SCP-5536-2 is the designation for a highly hostile species of humanoid entities comprised of pure rubedo3 that routinely emerge from SCP-5536 during daylight hours. Each instance is approximately 1.9 m in height. SCP-5536-2's sole facial feature is a luminescent orange point in the forehead.
SCP-5536-2 instances possess significant durability, speed, and strength, requiring excessive force to neutralize. All attempts to capture any instances so far have failed, due to their active area seemingly limited to 30 meters away from SCP-5536, immediately crumbling to shards once stepping out of range. SCP-5536-2 instances are currently believed to be non-sapient, acting instead as a superorganism with basic goals.
SCP-5536-3 (formerly known as Thorin Wagner) is a male human of Scottish descent. Records indicate that SCP-5536-3 was born on ████, making him ██ years old during acquisition. As of the writing of this report, his current height is 1.54 m.
When in contact with sunlight, SCP-5536-3 will cause his surrounding area (approximately 5 m) to spontaneously combust, injuring himself in the process. This effect will continue until SCP-5536-3 is removed from the exposure.
SCP-5536-3's second anomalous property manifests during periods of sleep. During the first 10 minutes of sleep, SCP-5536-3's brain activity gradually increases until it is 10 times stronger than the average theta brainwaves (about 50 to 90 Hz). After that point, SCP-5536-3 will experience mild epileptic seizures usually lasting from 7 to 8 hours, during which he cannot be awakened with any known methods.
After awakening, SCP-5536-3 will usually express discomfort about his dreams before continuing with his daily activities in containment. If asked to describe the nature of his dreams, SCP-5536-3 will either ramble in an unknown language Wuski4 for 5 hours or recite different 8-digit numbers for 2 hours.5
Do you still remember us after all this time?6
Addendum 5536.a: Discovery
SCP-5536 was discovered on 5 July 2020 (the Ansuman Incident) during a penumbral lunar eclipse in the Wiltshire area. The Foundation was informed about the situation through several reports from social media. MTF Epsilon-6 ("Village Idiots")7 was quickly deployed to the location where they found approximately 50 tourists being killed by hundreds of SCP-5536-2 instances. At least 200 other tourists were also spotted attempting to flee the location with some of them collapsing after succumbing to SCP-5536's radiation.
As the MTF members dismounted from their vehicles and dispatched various SCP-5536-2 instances, Agent Handel emerged from SCP-5536, bringing an unconscious SCP-5536-3, who was sighted at SCP-5536's centre before the incident, and placing him beside the other injured tourists before aiding the MTF members. Nearly a hundred of SCP-5536-2 instances were terminated, with the surviving few immediately retreating back to the centre of SCP-5536, vanishing in the optical anomaly.
75 people were killed in the resulting event, 2 of which were identified to be SCP-5536-3's parents. 19 other victims shortly expired due to radiation and one additional victim died while on the way to the hospital when he attempted to show medical personnel a photo of SCP-5536 that he took.
All 180 survivors were gathered in a refuge centre and amnesticized. The general public was later given the cover story that the incident was the result of several unaccounted solar flares damaging the ozone layers. UNESCO officials promptly prohibited any cultural and tourism activity on Wiltshire.
A security perimeter surrounding SCP-5536 was quickly established. After 2 weeks of negotiation with UNESCO and GOC officials, the Foundation was subsequently given permission to develop it to Containment Site-57 under the guise of a temporary UNESCO reclamation site.

Extra Appendix: Circumstance of SCP-5536-3's Acquisition

Close Appendix

During the 19 days following the Ansuman Incident, SCP-5536-3 had not developed any anomalous properties. At that point in time, SCP-5536-3 had been staying at a refuge centre in Wiltshire and was about to be recovered by his aunt to live with her.
On 24 July 2020, at 11:30 AM, as SCP-5536-3 exited the centre to greet her at the entrance, the area around him instantly combusted, heavily injuring a security officer and SCP-5536-3's aunt. SCP-5536-3 himself received second-degree burns on his arms and torso. Reports show that the combustion lasted for 2 minutes, during which the entrance was burnt to the ground and SCP-5536-3 fled the scene.
Me and KabaratTwo Foundation agents, who had been sent to the centre under the pretense of additional security, quickly secured the victims and located SCP-5536-3 in a nearby bathroom, having an epileptic seizure. The Foundation was later informed of the situation and deployed a mobile containment unit, leading to SCP-5536-3's acquisition.
The victims and witnesses of said acquisition were amnesticized, including SCP-5536-3's aunt, who was given a cover story that her nephew had been immolated in the incident.
After regaining consciousness and treated for his injuries, SCP-5536-3 was questioned by Dr. Nunnally Natt in Site-57. SCP-5536-3 willingly informed her of his remaining relatives, which was shortly followed by multiple Foundation personnel being tasked in cementing the cover story of his supposed death.

Close Appendix

Addendum 5536.b: Observation
4 days after acquisition, during which SCP-5536-3 continuously exhibited his anomalous properties, Dr. Nunnally Natt was given the approval to begin her observation on SCP-5536-3.

Observational Log 5536-3.OL.1 Summary
Date: 28-07-2020
Subject: SCP-5536-3
Preface: A CloudHelm (a wearable EEG device) was attached to SCP-5536-3 before sleeping.
Observation Notes: SCP-5536-3 quickly agreed to the procedure. During the first 10 minutes of sleep, SCP-5536-3's brainwaves gradually increased from 5 Hz to 70 Hz. SCP-5536-3 immediately suffered an epileptic seizure past that point, with several security personnel attempting to wake him up using various methods8 to no avail.
SCP-5536-3 awakened 8 hours later, visibly shaken and mumbling "so long…" for 3 minutes. When asked about the meaning of his words, SCP-5536-3 immediately curled up under his blanket and refused to answer any more questions.

Observational Log 5536-3.OL.2 Summary
Date: 31-07-2020
Subject: SCP-5536-3
Preface: SCP-5536-3 was asked to describe his dreams.
Observation Notes: SCP-5536-3 refused to comply, saying that "five months is already hell" before going completely silent. When asked again, SCP-5536-3 began to recite multiple 8-digit numbers9 in random orders for 2 hours. The numbers were confirmed to be past and future dates for solar and lunar eclipses.

Observational Log 5536-3.OL.3 Summary
Date: 01-08-2020
Subject: SCP-5536-3
Preface: SCP-5536-3 was asked to recount any dreams he had during containment.
Observation Notes: SCP-5536-3 started shouting in what was later discovered to be Wuski for 5 hours, culminating in him collapsing from dehydration and having to be treated in the site infirmary.

Observation of SCP-5536-3 would later be ceased by Site Director Pendleton. Dr. Jordan was assigned to give monthly psychological evaluation for SCP-5536-3 the following day.
Addendum 5536.c: Testing Logs
The following are the testing logs for the attempted visual documentations of SCP-5536.

SCP-5536 Testing Logs

Close Testing Logs

Testing Log 5536.01
Date: 21-09-2021
Procedure: D-080604 was given a digital camera and instructed to take a picture of SCP-5536.
Results: D-080604 screamed and smashed the camera with his foot seconds after looking at the finished photo. Subject attempted to gouge out his own eyeballs as on-site security subdued and stunned him. Subject was later given Class-C amnestics.
The memory card of the digital camera was damaged beyond repair.
Well, that was strange, but not entirely unexpected, seeing what happened to that one tourist during the Ansuman Incident. I suggest we use a few other tools for future testing. - Dr. Natt

Testing Log 5536.02
Date: 24-09-2021
Procedure: D-197676 was given a camcorder and instructed to visually record SCP-5536.
Results: D-197676 began shaking uncomfortably as she is recording for the first 19 seconds. Subject then dropped the camcorder and attempted to flee the testing grounds. As two security personnel started after her, the camcorder internally fractured and emitted radioactive particles lig{Can you see Him?}ht, heavily injuring D-197676 and temporarily blinding 5 other personnel. D-197676 would later contract skin cancer and die 4 hours after testing.

Testing Log 5536.03
Date: 27-09-2021
Procedure: D-126427 was given an infrared camera and instructed to visually record SCP-5536.
Results: After 3 seconds of recording, the infrared camera instantly exploded, killing D-126427 and slightly injuring 2 security personnel. The resulting explosion was noted to have a medium level of gamma radiation.

Testing Log 5536.04
Date: 28-09-2021
Procedure: D-191919 was given a complete painting kit and instructed to create a painting of SCP-5536.
Results: D-191919 began to paint at an abnormal speed, finishing her painting in 5 minutes. Subject showed the painting to security personnel, at which point it burst to flames and the su{Our Lord}n turned [DATA EXP{Our Patriarch}UNGED], causing nothing the sky to momentarily melt burn fall disappear [DAT{Our Saviour}A EXPUNGED] and killing subject along with 4 security personnel.
Visual testing for SCP-5536 will be ceased for the foreseeable future. Any attempts to violate this order will not go unpunished. I hope that you take more caution for your future actions, Doctor. - O5-█

Close Testing Logs

Addendum 5536.d: 16-05-2022 Incident

[INPUT LEVEL 5/5536 SECURITY CREDENTIALS]

[CREDENTIALS APPROVED]

On 16 May 2022, a full lunar eclipse took place in the Wiltshire area, followed shortly by a containment breach in Site-57. Several areas of Site-57 experienced multiple reality and spacial displacements, transforming the interior architecture of Site-57 and causing several Foundation personnel to be instantly transported to the immediate vicinity of SCP-5536 and attacked by hundreds of emerging SCP-5536-2 instances.
The following are the records that were managed to be recovered from the incident.

NOTICE FROM THE FOUNDATION RECORDS AND INFORMATION SECURITY ADMINISTRATION
Due to the unpredictable effects of the anomalies present during the incident, several sections of the recovered documents have permanently been altered. Please note that this does not constitute a breach of secrecy or an infohazard.
— Maria Jones, Director, RAISA

SITE-57 SECURITY FOOTAGE.CAM 19
Date: 16-05-2022
Time: 05:20:19 - 05:21:40

05:20:19 The hallway which SCP-5536-3's containment cell is located in begins to stretch out, the floors falling backwards and the walls crawling through each other.
05:21:13 The hallway lights spread and coat the walls as Agent Handel descends from the upper floor.
05:21:17 Agent Handel repeatedly knocks on the containment cell's door.
05:21:21 A growling sound is heard from the left end of the hallway. Agent Handel quickly grabs onto the door's handle.
05:21:23 A river rushes from the left and floods the entire hallway as Agent Handel keeps hanging on the handle, struggling against the current.
05:21:35 The river has calmed and begins to subside. Agent Handel tightens his grip on the door and prepares to kick it open.
05:21:37 A giant worm leech mouth chasm screams open from below him, revealing a sky, and starts draining the river.
05:21:39 Dorren twists the handle.
05:21:40 The door loosens.

Date: 16-05-2022
Interviewer: Agent Dorren Handel
Interviewee: SCP-5536-3

[BEGIN LOG]
Agent Handel materialises inside of SCP-5536-3's containment cell.
Agent Handel: (Panting) SCP-5536-3!
No response.
Agent Handel: Shit. (Breathes) Thorin!
Thorin: Good evening, Agent. Have you come to ask for my assistance?
Agent Handel: Oh God. What the- Why are you red?
Thorin: Crimson, actually. What brings you to my humble abode on such an occasion?
Agent Handel: Look, I don't know if you noticed, but the whole site's going Escher and a bunch of Foundation personnel are getting slaughtered by those fucking redstone zombies! Now you better know something on how to stop this shit before it gets out of site!
Thorin: (Sighs) I really wish you had toned down the vulgarity. I may know something about that, but before that, I sense a question, kept for so long, lingering in your mind, Agent. Would you be so kind as to tell me what it is?
Agent Handel: Huh.
Agent Handel pauses, then continues to laugh for 10 seconds.
Agent Handel: You're right, you're right. How could I forget my mission? The only purpose I have in this miserable life? (Breathes) Why are the moons empty?
Thorin: (Chuckles) Now, what nonsense are you talking about?
Dorren: Don't mess around, kid.
Thorin: Oh. (Pauses) I see. An agent of the Magistratum, correct?
Dorren: (Coughs) I guess I don't have to explain everything after all. Now, I shall ask of you to answer my question, FierKing.
Thorin: I'm sorry to disappoint you, agent, but I'm afraid they have actually been empty for quite some time. Since the day that you saved me, to be exact.
Dorren: I asked for a reason, kid! Don't state the fucking obvious!
Thorin: Well, I don't know what your superiors would call it, but I believe the human word for it is the King{Archon of the Suns}ship.
Dorren: Shit. (Pauses) Shit! So I'm guessing that's who you've been sucking up to for the last couple of years, huh? The polatroska who's also the su{The Traitor}ns?
Thorin: "Sucking up" is too simplified of a term. I personally would call it "coincidental subservience."
Dorren: Fine, whatever. Now tell me, what does it have to do with the moons?
Thorin: The chains that keep them tethered are slowly rusting away.
Dorren: Shit, that's bad. Does this mean that the prisoners are free?
Thorin: No. They're in a world given to us by the King{Adonaios}ship. A refuge world, connected to all the moons in this particular multiverse, but still undoubtedly a larger prison.
Dorren: Then what about those slaves, huh? How come they are able to leave your so-called "larger prison"? Why do you even need them in the first place?
Thorin: (Frowns) We never deserved to rule over them. They were there first, you know. Now, I may be a Fier, Agent, but I am only one of many. If I had such power, I would have granted them peace, freeing their souls from those crystal bodies. But for now, I can only give them a privilege that not even the lords of the Horizon Court have, to see my world under the sun.
Dorren: I could just kill them, you know. End their suffering and all that.
Thorin: (Looks away) If you could see what kind of afterlife awaits them, you'd at least hesitate on doing that.
Dorren: You should've just told all of this to the Foundation.
Thorin: Oh, I tried. I've told them all about how I spent centuries becoming one of millions of kings and the oncoming fate of all our worlds, but they didn't seem to understand a single word.
Dorren: Maybe don't talk to them in Wuski? It's quite nia{The Night Eternal}truc.
Thorin: (Laughs) That's a choice I cannot make, sadly. If I do not ramble about it or say a bunch of numbers for hours, I'd be [DA{Just kill me.}TA EXPU{Please.}NG{Let me rest for just a little bit.}ED].
Dorren: Sheesh, you're better off dead if that happens.
Thorin: That's not a viable solution.
Dorren: So… you're not craving the sweet release of death nor are you trying to get the fuck out of here. Somehow I don't believe either of those statements.
Thorin: You're misinterpreting my answers, Agent. This is my escape attempt, though I'm just following Mother Nature's laws. But as you can see, they're not very well-constructed. Death, on the other hand, is an unpredictable gift that keeps on giving.
Dorren: (Pauses) You know what? Just tell me how to fix this. Let's both stop stalling. (Breathes) Tell me what I have to do.
Thorin looks around his containment cell then lays down on his mattress.
Thorin: Kill me.
Dorren: Yeah sure, why n- Wait, what? You're kidding, right?
Thorin: You've experienced it, haven't you? For your soul to be at peace, unburdened and unchained from the world.
Dorren: Look, I don't know how you knew that, but I'm not gonna fulfill whatever death wish you h-
Thorin: If your allegiance is with the Foundation and the Magistratum, then you should just hurry up and kill me. I know my parents are dead and all traces of my existence outside of this site have been erased. I'm perfectly sure that I won't be allowed to leave this place for the rest of my lives. It's just… I want to be at peace, even if it's just for a while.
Dorren: You're telling me that this is the only way it can stop?
Thorin: No, but it's certainly the easiest. Besides, as long as you don't destroy my brain, I should be back tomorrow morning. (Breathes) Please, just aim for the neck. Make it quick.
Dorren: Why are you telling me all this? If the Foundation finds out, they'd probably kill you off for good! (Sighs) Why do I even bother? They're definitely recording this right now. These people are too cautious for their own good.
Thorin: They will listen to you, trust me. They'll bring you here for every lunar eclipse to finish me off as many times as it takes, because they understand what needs to be done.
Dorren: I really hope you're telling the truth, kid.
Thorin: I am.
Audio distorts for 19 seconds as Dorren pulls out a staff from his palm and holds it above Thorin's neck.
Dorren: So, you got anything to say, before I put you to rest?
Thorin: Yeah. (Starts to smile) Thanks for saving me back then.
Dorren: (Chuckles) Don't mention it.
Dorren [DATA EXPUNGED], decapitating Thorin. His body begins to evaporate as flames erupt from below him and swallow him whole.
A door appears on the wall beside Dorren and swings open, revealing an empty bedroom.
His staff bends in his hand, clattering to chains, crackling to thorns, and finally growing to a scarf, which he wraps around his neck.
Dorren: See you later, kid.
Dorren steps through the door.
The door vanishes.
[END LOG]

The lunar eclipse ended shortly afterwards. The interior of Site-57 quickly reverted back to its original state and all SCP-5536-2 instances marched back to the middle of SCP-5536, each of them vanishing instantly inside the light.
A rescue team shortly arrived and managed to recover 89 Foundation personnel. 38 other personnel were confirmed to be deceased and 4 are currently missing.
SCP-5536-3 would rematerialise in his cell the next morning without any injuries. The following is an excerpt from the post-incident interview.

Date: 17-05-2022
Interviewer: Dr. Nunnally Natt
Interviewee: SCP-5536-3

[BEGIN LOG]
Dr. Natt: SCP-5536-3, we are conducting this interview to close out our investigation of the incident which took place on 16th of May that resulted in the deaths of many staff members. Do you have any comments to make?
SCP-5536-3: Yes, actually. This interview will be available to Level 5 personnel and above, correct?
Dr. Natt: I'm not at liberty to disclose that inf-
SCP-5536-3: I'll take that as a yes. That means I can only give you the rough outlines.
Dr. Natt: If what you have is enough, then it shouldn't be a problem.
SCP-5536-3: Very well. (Pauses) Even though I am not responsible for such a horrible incident, I deeply apologize for it, as the perpetrators are some of my close colleagues.
Dr. Natt: When you say "colleagues," do you mean those of the same status as you? So if there are others, does this mean it's happening in many places?
SCP-5536-3: Countless of them, not just ours. In places you wouldn't even know existed.
Dr. Natt: I see. In one of your interviews, you also mentioned something along the lines of "becoming a king in a span of a few centuries." Now, you sure don't look a quarter of that age.
SCP-5536-3: Physically, no. This body of the child that I once was does not reflect my mental and spiritual experience. Though if you were to ask me of my age, I would reply that I am, without a doubt, 361 years old.
Dr. Natt: (Pauses) Are you still Thorin? The boy that we brought here two years ago?
SCP-5536-3: I wish I could say that. But you know how things are.
Dr. Natt: Right… Now, if what you said is true, we are to terminate you on every lunar eclipse to prevent the more disastrous effects of SCP-5536's anomalous properties. Since your statement has been proven to be correct, I would also like to request that you give us information on the actions to be taken during other astronomical events.
SCP-5536-3: Doctor, what makes you think whatever comes out of my mouth is the truth?
Dr. Natt: Because it seems like you're actually trying to help us.
SCP-5536-3: (Sighs) Then I shall give. You know those flowers that sprout up and wrap around the trilithons every night?
Dr. Natt: Yes, I am aware that giving them any liquid has no effect on their growth.
SCP-5536-3: Good. Now you might want to stock up on liquid mercury for the preparation of a solar eclipse.
Dr. Natt: Do we… water them with it?
SCP-5536-3: (Laughs heartily) Goodness no, Doctor! You'll kill them! Help them drink, for they will bloom with opened mouths.
Dr. Natt: All… right, then.
SCP-5536-3: That's all I could give you for now. And Doctor, if it's not too much to ask, I would like to ask of you to prepare a room for me in the observatory during the solar eclipses. Is that an even trade?
Dr. Natt: Is that request necessary?
SCP-5536-3: Yes, for all of you, but mostly for myself.
Dr. Natt: I'll see what I can do.
SCP-5536-3: Thank you, Doctor.
[END LOG]

A search mission was also intiated to relocate Agent Handel, concluding on that same day when he was found baking an unknown food product in the site cafeteria. Dr. Nunnally Natt was assigned to interview Agent Handel several minutes later in the site's safe room.

Date: 17-05-2022
Interviewer: Dr. Nunnally Natt
Interviewee: Agent Dorren Handel

[BEGIN LOG]
Dr. Natt: So, Agent Handel, about yesterday…
Agent Handel: First off, it's a German name. Yes, I know it sounds like a pun. Also, the kid is safe, don't worry.
Dr. Natt: Yes, I'm aware of that. That's not what I'm here for, though.
Agent Handel: Oh yeah. Sorry for the pie thing. They might smell weird, but trust me, they're perfectly edible.
Dr. Natt: (Scratches her head) I hope that doesn't have anything to do with whatever "Archon" you're working for.
Agent Handel: (Pauses) Okay, who snitched on me?
Dr. Natt: (Chuckles) Relax. It's an O5. She told me to watch a few recordings yesterday.
Agent Handel: Dang. Is she listening to this right now?
Dr. Natt motions her hand to the hidden camera.
Agent Handel: (Looks at the camera) Oh, tro{fuck}sk! That was there this whole time? Must be real fucking tiny if-
Dr. Natt: We're getting off track, Agent.
Agent Handel: Sorry. (Coughs) Anyways, are they actually afraid to come into contact with other anomalies?
Dr. Natt: They're just cautious, that's all.
Agent Handel: Doctor, I'm gonna be honest with you. I'm not a reality bender or a Type Green, whatever you want to call it.
Dr. Natt: So I've heard.
Agent Handel: Also, I'm not actually German, though I do speak it. (Looks around the room) To tell you the truth, working with the Foundation has been é{I'm tired}ta rép{So tired.}sax. But I'm still gonna finish my mission, and that includes working with you. I can safely say that most of you are pretty competent. I also realize that both of our bosses have the same goal, to protect our existence.
Dr. Natt: I sure hope my bosses think the same too, but I'm afraid that, during these two years, you're already aware on how we do things here.
Agent Handel: (Sighs) So, what do they plan to do to me? Launch me to the sun? Blast me with SRAs? Lock me up along with their anomalousanimated factoryporn?
Dr. Natt: (Laughs and leans back on her chair) No, nothing like that. They're probably more interested on finding out more about your superiors.
Agent Handel: Does that mean they'll finally be sending troops to Stonehenge?
Dr. Natt: You know that we can't afford to do that without proper research, right? Besides, you could definitely kill me before I blink and send some yourself.
Agent Handel: That wouldn't be ethical, Doctor.
Dr. Natt: You're starting to sound like a human.
Agent Handel: Yep. And I hate it.
Dr. Natt: (Sits upright) Look, I know it won't sound professional, but I want to thank you for saving our asses. Only a dumbass would take that for granted. I made sure that the O5 will at least consider helping you. They said they'll hold a vote to decide if this mission of yours is worth the trouble.
Agent Handel: (Exasperated) Thanks. Much appreciated. Rest assured, my missions are for a good cause.
Dr. Natt: You're welcome. They already have countermeasures though, just in case you need to be put down.
Agent Handel: I know.
Agent Handel dematerialises from his seat.
Dr. Natt: That concludes the interview.
[END LOG]

Interviewer's Notes: Agent Handel is considered imperative to the containment of SCP-5536 and must be informed immediately about the results of the vote, whenever that happens. I don't care if any of you thinks he is involved with the Fifthists or if he's a lobotomized Type Green. We owe him. Don't forget that.

Footnotes
1. A structure which consists of 2 vertical stones supporting a third horizontal stone across the top. Frequently used in the context of megalithic monuments.
2. Hypothesised to be a mutation between the Madonna lily (Lilium candidum) and the pheasant's eye (Narcissus poeticus).
3. A mineral which resulted from the natural combination of obsidian, brimstone, and [REDACTED]. Currently used by the Foundation for emergency heating.
4. An ancient dialect which originated from several regions in Russia. The Foundation are currently searching for any of its native speakers.
5. All 8-digit numbers given are dates that have been proven to correlate with past and future astronomical events.
6. "Archon Magistratum".
7. A task force specialising in the investigation, containment, and subsequent cleanup of anomalies in rural and suburban environments.
8. Methods include shaking, shouting, blaring an airhorn, blowing a dog whistle, playing a high bass boosted JJBA non-descript media compilation, and tickling.
9. 28051900, 08041902, 29051919, 18051920, 14011926, 02101959, 15111999, 05062020,16052022, 19032072, 25022119, 04052190, and 18122199.

[ACCESS RESTRICTED: ENTER TIMMŪS-OP CREDENTIALS]

[WELCOME, TIMMŪS-OPERATIVE MARGARINE]

ACTIVATING EXISTENTIAL KILL AGENT

"Is it really you?"

Sorry, Ma'am.

I had to make sure that it's really you.

Or your boss.

Or his bosses.

Or their boss.

You know, I should really stop talking.

Like, right now.

Okay, I'm gonna stop.

LIFE SIGNS DETECTED

FULL MISSION REPORT

FROM: Agent Doorhandle
TO: Timmūs-Operative Margarine

This is Agent Doorhandle, giving a full report. Okay, maybe not that full.
I've found the gateway. It is located in the 11th Level (Humanity) in Wiltshire, England, Europe, on Earth, inside the Milkyway. It is a monument of stone monoliths that the humans previously called "Stonehenge". The only safe time to enter through it is on the lunar and solar eclipses. We could always just destroy it, you know.
According to the information I've gotten, the gateway leads to the place where the prisoners escaped to. If a few other sources are also to be believed, that its connection spans through infinite realities and universes, we might have another Infinitum crisis on our hands. When are the others coming, anyway? It's just me and Kabarat (that human) here.
There's also a Fier here. Thorin Wagner, male, born on 19 ADG. He is currently not a threat and has proven to both be cooperative in my mission and crucial in maintaining the gateway's connection, but I worry that, since his body doesn't support his power, he might trigger a planetary extinction event in about 10 years. I suggest moving him to the 3rd Level (Arak) when his time comes. Good kid. He will be missed greatly.
During these past 2 years, I have been cooperating with one of Humanity's Reclamation Groups, the SCP Foundation. From what I've seen so far, they are mostly able to handle some of the 12th and 13th Level threats, and their leaders are currently deciding on the best course of action involving us, though I still plan on checking out the Serpent's Hand. If everything goes well, I shall be reporting back to you soon. I'll try my best to come back on Klannux this year, though I can't really guarantee it. I'll still send a postcard to you and Arké-né just in case.
This has been my full report, Ma'am. Love you! :D

We are the demons that keep the angels in check.

« SCP-5535 | SCP-5536 | SCP-5537 »


SCP-5537: For the Seafood Lover in You

Image Sources:
[See license box at the end of this page]

[ ▸ More by this Author ◂]

{$comments2}

F.A.Q.

{$doesthisfixthebug}

Item #: SCP-5537
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: All instances of SCP-5537 are currently kept within cryogenic storage within the Safe-class wing of Site-35. Due to the fragile nature of SCP-5537 instances, access to the anomalies is restricted to personnel possessing 4/5537 clearance and having been specially authorized by the current research head over SCP-5537. Furthermore, in the interest of preventing the onset of decay, SCP-5537 instances may be held outside of storage for no more than 4 consecutive hours.
Description: SCP-5537 collectively designates the partially putrified remains of numerous fish, crustaceans, bivalves, and other similarly related sea life all possessing genetic structure identical to members of the group Homo sapiens (humans) recovered from the Bates Harbor located in Montauk, New York. Analysis of all recovered instances has determined that all had died in the same time frame due to rapid hemorrhaging of all internal organic structures from an unknown cause.
Along with the bulk of SCP-5537s, the following items of interest were discovered along with the anomalies:

A chef's coat; covered in blood and fatty tissue. Genetic analysis has been deemed impossible due to continuous exposure to the elements.

174 porcelain platters. Each had food remains caked onto their surfaces and damage consistent with exposure to saltwater.

Congealed pools of vomit. Contents were partially digested SCP-5537 instances along with biscuits and bisque soup.

A human cadaver. An autopsy revealed the individual to have been infected with Kuru.

12 one-gallon buckets of ground organic remains.

Thaumic sigils engraved within the bedrock near the site of the SCP-5537 discovery.

Discovery: SCP-5537 along with the aforementioned items of interest were recovered at various points throughout the Bates Harbor on March 9th, 2005 off the cliff edge which situated a struggling Red Lobster franchise (mainly due to the increasing price of seafood beyond what could be afforded by the establishment). Questioning of the staffers working for the restaurant has yielded no results, and further investigation into the practices of the aforementioned business is pending. Currently, Foundation operatives are attempting to obtain a warrant from the Site-35 Deputy Chief to raid the restaurant; however, verification for the reasonable belief of anomalous activity present on the premises is underway. Attempts to locate the employees terminated as a result of poor business performance has proven unsuccessful.

« SCP-5536 | SCP-5537 | SCP-5538 »


by stormbreath

Item #: SCP-5538
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-5538 has been purchased by the Foundation. Surveillance cameras have been installed inside. Security guards are to prevent unauthorized access.
Description: SCP-5538 is an abandoned psychiatric facility in █████, ██. A rusted Foundation insignia was discovered on the exterior gate of the complex, but no record of the site existed internally prior to the initial discovery.
The primary anomaly of SCP-5538 occurs when anyone approaches the front desk and asks to visit the "Holder of Abnormalities". This anomaly occurs regardless of whether any individual is sitting at the front desk.
Upon asking to see the "Holder of Abnormalities", a visitor will gain knowledge of how to proceed to a cell in the basement of SCP-5538. Visitors consistently report expecting to hear conversation along this path but never actually hearing any. The destination cell is empty, but one of the walls is broken and leads to the main atrium of SCP-5538.
There are five hundred and thirty-eight pedestals in the main atrium; all are empty. A heavy layer of dust covers each pedestal, although an impression of an object remains on each. Each has a distinct label, but the text on these labels has become illegible. A placard at the far end of the atrium reads:

This is what happens when they all come together.

Visitors who read this placard frequently report fears of having an adverse reaction. However, no such reactions have been observed.

« SCP-5537 | SCP-5538 | SCP-5539 »


1/5539 LEVEL 1/5539
CLASSIFIED

Item #: SCP-5539
Object Class: Safe

SCP-5539-2

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-5539 is to be kept in Mass Storage Site-33, Low-Security Warehouse 6. Any testing of SCP-5539 must be authorized by MTF Mu-680 “Identified Flying Objects”. Foundation employees working in Low-Security Warehouse 6 should be issued a semiannual memo detailing Foundation Code of Workplace Conduct 56: Alcohol consumption and inebriation is not permissible in the workplace.
Description: SCP-5539 is a pair of public bathroom signs labelled Gents/Hommes and Ladies/Dames. The signs are designated SCP-5539-1 and SCP-5539-2 respectively.
When either SCP-5539 instance is installed on a bathroom door in any establishment primarily serving alcoholic beverages, hereafter referred to as a bar, the anomalous properties of SCP-5539 will manifest. Any individual with a Blood Alcohol Content (BAC) at or above 0.030% who enters SCP-5539's affected bathroom and attempts to urinate will be instantly transported to another, non-anomalous, bar's bathroom. The distance between the source bar and destination bar is a function of the individual's BAC. That is to say, the higher an individual's BAC, the further they will be transported.
Addendum.5539.1: Project 41-Crofton

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Project 41-Crofton

Lead Researcher: Doctor Vera Kedrov
Date Activated: August 24, 2020
Current Status: Terminated

Summary: Project 41-Crofton is a study of SCP-5539 with the goal of experimentally characterizing its anomalous properties for potential field use. The primary method of data collection is Procedure A41-Crofton as conducted by MTF Epsilon-34 “Day Drinkers” personnel.

Procedure A41-Crofton

Summary: Procedure A41-Crofton is a repeatable procedure used to collect data points for the statistical analysis of SCP-5539. To conduct the procedure, a subject must consume alcoholic beverages until a pre-specified BAC is met, at which point they must induce SCP-5539's anomalous properties by urinating in an affected bathroom. After being transported from the source bar to the destination bar, the subject makes note of their location then returns to the source bar by conventional means. The data points collected in this manner are used to improve the accuracy of statistical models of SCP-5539.
Procedure A41-Crofton is to be exclusively conducted by MTF Epsilon-34 “Day Drinkers” personnel. Epsilon-34 is comprised of Foundation agents who have demonstrated above average alcohol tolerance and are equipped with surgically implanted radio tracking beacons.
Procedure A41-Crofton has been conducted 130 times since Project 41-Crofton's activation. Through this testing it has been determined that there exists a rough linear relationship between a subject's BAC and their displacement distance. For example, a BAC of 0.030% will result in a displacement of roughly 600 m and a BAC of 0.35%1 will result in a displacement of roughly 250 km. However, the discrete distance between bars in combination with inherent randomness gives the statistical model a high variance, making accurate predictions of displacement location difficult.

Addendum.5539.2: Relevant Correspondence

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From: pcs.noitadnuof|34vordek.v#pcs.noitadnuof|34vordek.v
To: pcs.noitadnuof|70idrabmol.e#pcs.noitadnuof|70idrabmol.e
Subject: Subject Bi-Monthly Progress Report 1
📎 Raw.csv
📎 Model.csv
📎 Field Applications.pdf
Hello Elena,
I've attached a comprehensive report along with supplemental materials to this E-mail, but I know you're busy, so I'll give you the executive summary.
Everything is progressing smoothly. There was some initial friction with the Area-56 staff when we took over their mess hall and turned it into a test bed, but I think they're over it. As of today, we've executed Procedure A41-Crofton 134 times, putting us well ahead of schedule. The statistical model we're creating with the data is getting more accurate every day. Using it, we've been able to correctly predict the destination bar 1 in every 3 tests. By the next progress report, I suspect we'll have gotten that to 1 in every 2 tests.
In terms of field use, we've outlined several promising applications. The first is as an infiltration method for kinetic action units. A team could use SCP-5539 to displace to a bar near a target location and seize their objective by surprise. The second use would be as a mass evacuation vehicle. If a site were to become compromised, its personnel could use SCP-5539 to escape faster than any conventional air or ground evacuation.
Raw test results, our statistical model, and more detailed plans for field use have been attached.
Doctor Vera Kedrov | Area-56 | Lead Researcher, Project 41-Crofton

From: pcs.noitadnuof|70idrabmol.e#pcs.noitadnuof|70idrabmol.e
To: pcs.noitadnuof|34vordek.v#pcs.noitadnuof|34vordek.v
Subject: RE: Subject Bi-Monthly Progress Report 1
I'm going to be blunt with you Vera, this is terrible.
When I handed you a check for ███ thousand dollars, I was hoping that you would at least be able to tell me where I'd end up after using 5539, but after two months of getting your co-workers drunk, you can't even say that for certain. Your statistical model is nowhere close to being ready for field use.
Speaking of field use, the applications you dreamed up are insane. What MTF operator wants to insert into a hot zone drunk off their ass and then still have to catch a taxi to get to their target? And a site evacuation vehicle? Do you want everyone in Site-19 to carry around an emergency bottle of Bacardi?
Convincing the budget committee to fund a project with this much alcohol involved in the first place was a nightmare, but with this sort of progress, there's no way I'll be able to get you another round of cash. I'm shutting Project 41-Crofton down. You've got to the end of the month to wrap up, then you and your staff will be transferred back to your previous assignments.
I like you Vera, but this is a mess.
Doctor Elena Lombardi | Site-19 | Director, Anomalous Technologies Research & Development

Addendum.5539.3: Incident Reports

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Incident Report 5539.1

Date Occurred: November 23, 2020
Type Code: H380 - Unscheduled Use of Anomaly

Summary: On November 23, 2020, while attempting to perform procedure A41-Crofton, MTF Epsilon-34 operator Agent Frank Koehler ingested enough alcohol to achieve a BAC of 1.2%, far in excess of the permitted experimental amount. A post incident investigation found that Agent Koehler's actions were most likely caused by heightened emotional stress from the termination of Project 41-Crofton and having received a transfer order to SCP-███, generally thought to be an undesirable assignment due to the excessive [REDACTED].
Project 41-Crofton research staff attempted to subdue Agent Koehler in order to treat him for potential alcohol poisoning, but Agent Koehler overpowered them and insisted on continuing with the procedure. After inducing SCP-5539's anomalous properties, he was transported to [REDACTED], a night club in Kaohsiung City, Taiwan. Inebriated, Agent Koehler was arrested by local authorities for public intoxication. Once in custody, Agent Koehler entered a coma and was transported to a local medical center where he received lifesaving treatment.
Foundation personnel embedded in the Taiwanese government retrieved Agent Koehler soon after. As of December 11, 2020, Agent Koehler has been cleared for active duty and has been assigned to SCP-███.

Agent Koehler after being retrieved by Foundation operatives embedded in the Taiwanese government

Incident Report 5539.2

Date Occurred: November 30, 2020
Type Code: E106 - Experimentation that Violates Ethics Code

Summary: On November 30, 2020 Project 41-Crofton research staff led by Doctor Vera Kedrov engaged in reckless experimentation resulting in the assumed expiration of D-19803. The post incident Ethics Committee investigation has established the following timeline.

498-Kerlaugar and 905-Eutychus

On November 24, 2020 Doctor Kedrov learnt of Incident 5539.1 and determined that Agent Koehler's nearly ██,000 km displacement demonstrated that the relationship between BAC and SCP-5539 induced travel distance was not linear. Rather, the high variance in Project 41-Crofton's statistical model was obscuring an exponential relationship.
Between November 24 and 29, Doctor Kedrov led her research staff in the creation of a procedure to nonlethally replace a subject's blood with pure alcohol. The procedure involved the use of anomalous technologies 905-Eutychus “Lethal Trauma Stabilization Casket” and 498-Kerlaugar “Non-Euclidian Fluid Manipulator”.
On November 30, Doctor Kedrov submitted a falsified D-Class request resulting in D-19803 being assigned to Project 41-Crofton. Once in Doctor Kedrov's custody, she instructed her staff to replace D-19803's blood with alcohol using the procedure they had developed. The operation required that the subject be sealed into the Lethal Trauma Stabilization Casket to prevent a cardiac flat line.
The procedure was successfully completed without incident. Once ready, D-19803 was, with the help of research staff, made to induce SCP-5539's anomalous properties. Immediately upon doing so, D-19803 disappeared and contact with the casket's radio tracking device was lost. As of January 18, 2021, neither D-19803 nor the casket have been found despite global search efforts.
Doctor Kedrov and her senior research staff have been charged with Unauthorized D-Class Sacrifice. All testing of SCP-5539 has been halted indefinitely per Ethics Committee ruling.

Addendum.5539.4: Classified Top Secret Level 4/5539

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MTF Mu-680 “Identified Flying Objects” Dossier

Commanding Officer: Colonel Elaine Brookes
Date Activated: September 28, 2608
Current Status: Active

Satellite imagery of Kepler-███b

Objective: MTF Mu-680's ongoing goal is to prevent the civilian discovery of Kepler-███b, which would most likely induce a BK-Class Broken Masquerade Scenario.
Kepler-███b is an exoplanet well within the circumstellar habitable zone of Kepler-███ known to harbor Sapience 17-Jericho, an alien species in the early information stage of societal development with an approximate population of █ billion. Current analysis suggests that civilian exploration probes will discover Kepler-███b by 2610.
On September 8, 2608, an MTF Omega-805 “The Final Frontier” superluminal probe performing pre-First Contact screening around Kepler-███b detected an artificial EM signal emanating from the planet's surface identical to the signal produced by radio tracking devices used by the Foundation in the early 21st century.
Further investigation revealed that D-19803's stabilization casket, lost on November 30, 2020 to SCP-5539, was present on Kepler-███b and being housed in a structure of extreme cultural significance, analogous to a museum or church. Further study indicates that large portions of Sapience 17-Jericho's culture centers around an event occurring approximately 600 years ago in which a benevolent supernatural being arrived on their world to warn them of a supreme evil known as the Foundation.
In the event that civilian authorities establish contact with Sapience 17-Jericho, the occurrence of a BK-Class Broken Masquerade Scenario is almost guaranteed. To prevent this MTF Mu-680 “Identified Flying Objects” was created. Currently, Mu-680 operates both a disinformation network and a fleet of combat spacecraft with the goal of preventing civilian authorities from approaching Kepler-███b. This strategy is anticipated to become untenable as civilian development intensifies in the region. In the long term, Mu-680 aims to artificially induce either an IK-Class Collapse of Global Civilization Scenario or WK-Class Mass Extinction Event on Kepler-███b. This course of action is pending Ethics Committee approval.

Footnotes
1. The highest experimental BAC permitted by the Ethics Committee.

« SCP-5538 | SCP-5539 | SCP-5540 »


Item #: SCP-5540
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: The area surrounding SCP-5540 has been enclosed by a chain link fence under pretenses of a chemical spill zone. A single building at the north border of the fence, Outpost Phantasos, has been constructed to accommodate any researchers who need to investigate SCP-5540, with a maximum capacity of four persons. Any greater amount increases the chance of an Inverse Condition. Automatic systems are in charge of monitoring and alerting security to damages.
Four security cameras fed by an onsite generator surround SCP-5540 and stream its activity to Foundation intranets, where analysis can be performed without risking mental stability. Anti-coghaz bots are active on each camera as a safeguard against possible memetic threat. While it is considered unlikely to occur, assigned personnel who report the reemergence of childhood memories are to be removed from SCP-5540 research immediately.
Personnel who request access to Outpost Phantasos or request access to the anomaly must be amnesticized as to remove all memories of life prior to adolescence. Failure to do so increases the chance of an Inverse Condition.
Description: SCP-5540 is a quasi-corporeal, sapient mass of oneiric origin, located in the Bois Beckett Forest of Sherbrooke, Quebec, Canada. The mass forms an amorphous mound approximately 2m in width, regularly oscillating and altering its composition between material states.1 Limbs are present as branches extruding from the anomaly, though these routinely dissolve into the main mass and, at points, form the shapes of other organisms. These include those of felines, canids, plants,2 and crude humanoid bodies. Limb movement often increases when human subjects are approaching.
The anomaly does not maintain a physical presence at its location. Despite superficial visuals, it has left no impact on the terrain or surrounding flora, and has been largely ignored by wildlife. SCP-5540 has not displayed an awareness of entities beyond humans.
When approaching within 3m of the anomaly, subjects report sounds of excited speech and a voice beckoning to come closer, the details of which are indistinct upon recollection. Once at a distance of 1m, the anomaly expands itself to form a set of miniaturized, plastic furniture and brightly colored cubes, likely intended to serve as seats.3 The subjects then behave as though they are engaging in a lively conversation with another individual, performing energetic gestures and displaying joyful expressions. No words are spoken during this time. Upon leaving, subjects cannot describe their experiences beyond having felt emotions of nostalgia and bliss. SCP-5540 remains as a point of fondness afterwards.
SCP-5540 performs its own behavior independent of human interaction. Common examples include puppeteering, performed with the shapes created on its limbs, and games of catch, played with itself. Intermittently, it creates eye-like structures that examine a specific point above itself, generating hands as if to grab descending objects.
Inverse Conditions are neurological phenomena afflicting subjects within ~60m of the anomaly, emerging once five or more persons are present within the radius. These constitute a rapid release of dopamine and a loss in motor control, rendering subjects immobile and delirious. Despite the expected reactions that would emerge, subjects are paranoid, fearing that an unspecified "belonging" will be taken from them and disposed of. This lasts until subjects panic, spontaneously regaining motor control and fleeing from the area.
Without proper amnesticization Inverse Conditions can repeat. The compounded loss in motor control results in stress-induced nerve damage, increasing until full body paralysis sets in4 and, unless drastic action is taken, a persistent vegetative state. Minimal neurological activity occurs at this stage. When brought into the vicinity of SCP-5540, activity associated with bliss is noted, along with the release of dopamine.
While it is rare, a metal plaque has been observed by subjects near the anomaly. This is reportedly placed at a point above the anomaly, located in a dimly-lit corridor that extends for an indefinite distance. A transcript is provided below:

Use the following receptacle for waste
Slide it into the slot until it falls into the bin.
Remember, don't leave your memories on the floor.
That makes a mess for everyone!
Be courteous to your fellow visitors and dispose of them properly.
Remember, you'll never need to remember them again after today!

Intermittently, SCP-5540 has been noted to increase in mass.

Footnotes
1. Most commonly plastics, flesh, and plush.
2. Often flowers.
3. Owing to their quasi-physical nature, these cannot be used.
4. Usually during the fourth or fifth Inverse Condition.

« SCP-5539 | SCP-5540 | SCP-5541 »


So far, over 150 attempts of varying methodology have been initiated by RCT-Δt traveling back to prevent RCT-Δt from traveling back and providing this document to a trusted member of Overwatch. If this document still exists in the repository before the date of its creation, then all tests have been unsuccessful.

SCPfNet webAdmin Auto-Response System

WARNING: document is unverifiable by our server backup, it may be out-of-date.
content at this address is at risk of deletion, please update to current version.
this is an automated, weekly check. limit 3 failed checks without administrative override.
overrides given: 1,590

〘ACTIVATE LANDAU-ROSENFELD MEMETIC ICONOHAZARD〙

gestating⋯

physiological conditioning response confirmed.
you may feel slight pressure in your head.
this is normal.

Item#: 5541

Level6

Containment Class:
esoteric

Secondary Class:
uncontained

Disruption Class:
amida

Risk Class:
critical

link to memo

One variation of SCP-5541-1/GOI-Ω's emblem, recovered from document "Case File #90G-1IPN-Y190" (See below).

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-5541 is considered uncontainable at this time. There are no current theories or models that can be used as sufficient evidence to support acceptable proposals for novel containment measures of SCP-5541. It is unknown whether or not SCP-5541 needs to be contained at all, however, observations and extensive analysis of data obtained from testing with SCP-20031 suggest that prevention and/or the containment of affected timelines is integral to the continued existence of the Foundation and the current definition of consensus reality for the remainder of this iteration of the universe.
UPDATE 10.17.2676 - A trusted member of Overwatch has been given select details about the anomaly and the group responsible for SCP-5541-1's successful inception across all relevant timelines, as well as potential solutions. Members of Tactical Operations Command for the Temporal Anomalies Department are to utilize SCP-2003 for daily inspections of variant timelines and report any atypical findings immediately.
UPDATE 10.22.2676 - Attempts to provide our RCT-Δt O5 informant with preliminary data regarding SCP-5541-1 have proven ineffective. Checking the causal stream shows detrimental actions taken by the informant upon reception of this document that were unaccounted for. These actions may have had a direct relationship with the manifestation of SCP-5541.
Days without an atypical finding: 18437 (as of 04.22.2726)
Atypical findings since initial manifestation: 00000 (as of 04.22.2726)
Description: SCP-5541 is the designation for a temporally certain outcome expressed throughout all future timelines that will be observed by the Foundation Temporal Anomalies Department, beginning at the end of the current millennium, always between the years of 2995 and 3003 AD. This phenomenon is first observed at some arbitrary point after the events of Operation HIGHLANDER,2 which has been or will be the result of RCT-Δt's actions taken upon discovery of SCP-5541. Therefore, it is believed that the anomaly manifested via a closed-loop "bootstrap" temporal paradox.3 View the below materials for more information on temporal field theory and its relevance to SCP-5541.

Additional Materials
Figure 1. Temporal Field Basics
Figure 2. Emergence Point
Figure 3. Timeline

Select a tab to view related diagram.

Figure 1: Basic temporal field. Note that the Copenhagen interpretation of quantum mechanics is indeterministic and thus choice is not the deciding factor for branch result in a typical system. Atypical systems do exist, although they appear to be the exception and not the rule.

Figure 2: There is often no specific action or event that can be identified as the "beginning" of SCP-5541. Members of the Temporal Intelligence Community usually refer to a catastrophic failure within the Foundation that results in a Broken Masquerade Event as the primary indicator, although there are likely a collection of small failures of administrative/infrastructural function prior to the event in majority of cases (See On the Nature of Foundation Collapse, below). Theories emerging from TIC suggest visualizing the onset of SCP-5541 as a gradient of decline. For ease of visualization, a point is used.

Figure 3: A simplified timeline of events during and following the temporal loop formed as a consequence of/resulting in SCP-5541. Image is considered to be a guide and not a realistic depiction of fourth-dimensional space. Starting at the right side, follow the blue line upwards to the green line, down through the green line and back up via the black line to see the events of the paradox itself.

RCT-Δt experimentation attempting to prevent the conception of the paradox does not appear to be effective. So far, over 150 attempts of varying methodology have been initiated by RCT-Δt traveling back to prevent RCT-Δt from traveling back and providing this document to a trusted member of Overwatch. If this document still exists in the repository before the date of its creation, then all tests have been unsuccessful.
It is postulated that SCP-5541 cannot be prevented nor delayed without use of extreme measures such as anomalous tools or retrocausal weapons, which would be used to terminate or otherwise displace one or more parties involved in the creation of the paradox. However, it is impossible to confirm whether intervention of this type would have any effect on the outcome without doing so, let alone result in the desired outcome versus any number of potential negative impacts, such as an ontological breakdown of reality or unwanted alteration of future timelines.45
SCP-5541 is described as a global paradigm shift, affecting all timelines tangent to and including our own, starting at a single 4th-dimensional point that encompasses all frames of reality that occur during the causal loop—regardless of other initial conditions and outcomes leading up until the point of Emergence.6 This makes SCP-5541 the only known event in an observed future timeline to do so other than (presumably) the heat death of the current iteration of the universe.7 SCP-5541's nature and effect on sentient life is not entirely the same in all affected timelines, however, analysis indicates that at least some axioms can be considered certain at this time:

All timelines observed by members of the Temporal Anomalies Department that fit the criteria will ultimately succumb to SCP-5541 around the end of the third millennium
Whether or not SCP-5541's emergence is a consequence of the Heisenberg cut initiated by Foundation personnel observing these futures, the result of the causal loop itself, a multidimensional homogenous wave function collapse synchronization,8 or any combination of these remains unknown and is unlikely to be determined
SCP-5541 will always involve the complete destruction of Foundation infrastructure, leading to the release of thousands of various anomalies, followed by the prosecution of Foundation staff. To note, many previously-considered dangerous Keter/Apollyon-level entities, objects, concepts, locations, and phenomena simply do not activate or become docile once containment is broken while SCP-5541 is in effect
A Broken Masquerade event will occur. Public opinion of Foundation efforts and employees will quickly be perceived in an overtly negative light
A gestalt Group of Interest will form from several extant groups, all of which are confirmed dissidents of Foundation operations, named "The Allied Occult Initiative", designated SCP-5541-1/GOI-Ω, which will assume control over the entire planet
Mass thought and awareness of the public will shift, leading to a total unification of ideology and a restructuring of consensus reality, as it is defined by SCP-5541-1. Most irrational or undeserved fears, hatreds, behaviors, prejudices, and ideologies will effectively cease
Foundation testing logs and staff rosters will become public knowledge, former staff will be systematically hunted down and imprisoned or terminated via a variety of means by the public, encouraged by SCP-5541-1
SCP-5541-1 will also trigger similar events for select groups of interest, which always include but are not limited to The Fifth Church, The Church of Sarkism, The Church of the Broken God, and Marshall, Carter & Dark, Ltd.
A period of nonviolence and spiritual/intellectual enlightenment will occur, lasting anywhere from 5-30 years
Phenomena on Earth will become increasingly anomalous,9 during which time public perception of said phenomena will remain the same—A quality deemed "Nonchalance" by members of the Temporal Intelligence Community
If SCP-5541 cannot be stopped, our timeline and all timelines that diverged from ours since the causal loop will experience an emergent QK-Class "Quantum Degeneracy" End-of-World Scenario, designated SCP-5541-Ω, and all life on the planet will cease to exist

Incidents of Interest Log 5541-níðhöggr:

_

◆ On the Nature of Foundation Collapse

Aftermath of critical failure at Site-19.

As briefly touched upon above, SCP-5541's exact emergence point is unclear. It is typically marked by the loss of Foundation sites, important members of the Administration, and/or many personnel, ultimately leading to larger-scale failures.
In majority of instances, the destruction of one or more vital Foundation sites can be cited as the primary cause of systemic collapse of all organization operations. In some cases (~30%), this event can be traced to a severe containment breach. In less cases (<10%), the cause is associated with personnel sabotage, either as premeditated attempts by insurgents or stochastic incidents from disillusioned personnel acting as lone assailants. Nearly 60% of all cases were due to administrative/infrastructural failures such as communications breakdowns or containment constraints. ~1% of cases involve the spontaneous detonation of one or more on-site nuclear warheads or similar "black swan" preventative measures.
Attempts to divert or otherwise prevent Foundation collapse in timelines impacted by SCP-5541 have proven unsuccessful in all cases. Individual events can be mitigated, but without the proper foresight associated with backwards travel, it is impossible to predict when the next may occur. It appears that in most of these timelines, the Foundation was at risk of catastrophic failure for some time leading up to the event itself. Agents of Tactical Operations Command have attempted to "prime" specific timelines by traveling to a point prior to the window in which SCP-5541 will emerge, however, events occur that are beyond the scope of reach, or are hampered by one or more individuals acting against the interests of the agents and the Foundation as a whole, rendering these efforts futile.10
It is also to note that in most timelines, by the end of the third millennium, containment efforts have increased in cost, size, and complexity such that tracking all facets related to sustaining uniform operations is nearly impossible. In addition, average employee morale is at an all-time low in almost every instance.

_

◆ Apollyon-Class Containment Breach

Incident 5541-Gleipnir
Date: 10/12/2999
Location: Containment Area-179, Universe-Kappa-Erikesh
Subject: Breach of SCP-2317
Preface: Up until now, SCP-2317 had been defying all previous predictions regarding its activation. SCP-2317-G had broken nearly 700 years prior and, despite this, no movement was detected until this moment.

[BEGIN LOG]
14:20 - Area-179 containment klaxon blares.
14:22 - SCP-2317 is seen standing from its structure within Universe-Kappa-Erikesh.

14:30 - Deployed Foundation forces arrive at Area-179, official religious figures are brought on-site to perform various rites and blessings. O5 Council is taken off-world. Bystanders are seen crying, some contacting loved ones and emergency services.
14:35 - SCP-2317 breaks through the door to Universe-Kappa-Erikesh, stretching the portal to immense size. Foundation forces prove ineffective.
14:42 - SCP-2317 ignores all parties and leaves containment area, walking westward.
15:35 - SCP-2317 travels several thousand kilometers to the country shoreline, taking pains to avoid crushing horrified pedestrians.
16:25 - SCP-2317 arrives at a local beach and sits, watching the horizon until sunset, several hours later (19:43).
16:50 - Children are seen playing in the sand on and around SCP-2317's feet for some time.
20:04 - SCP-2317 falls asleep on the beach, a smile on its face. Small animals such as squirrels and stray dogs are observed, gathering around the entity and sleeping or nesting aside SCP-2317's form, birds landing on the creature's nose as it breathes. Entity remains in this location for upwards of a week. Foundation containment efficiency plummets from the subsequent Broken Masquerade Event, leading to systemic collapse of all operations within 48 hours, due in part to an extremely successful doxxing campaign launched by members of the popular online variety content board "4chan".
[END LOG]

Note: SCP-2317 has yet to cause harm to a single entity in any timeline observed, even those observed prior to SCP-5541's influence.

_

◆ SCP-5541-Ω + Image

The only recovered photo of an in-progress SCP-5541-Ω QK-Class Scenario. Note the artifacting and screen slicing—both possible outcomes of extreme ontological/informational degradation. Taken from a live stream of bystanders observing event, recorded by TOC Agent Semel Dacia before they demanifested and returned to SCP-2003. Dacia reportedly experienced intrusive thoughts and foreign memories upon return. Symptoms lessened over the next week, and Agent Dacia was examined and found to be otherwise healthy.

SCP-5541-Ω does not typically manifest in the same manner in observed timelines, often appearing as a secondary event or unintended result of unrelated phenomena. Unfortunately, it is difficult to garner much detail about the exact nature of the event given the risk involved in doing so.
Only two agents have been able to observe an in-progress SCP-5541-Ω event and return—Agent Dacia (mentioned above) and an agent whose abstract conceptual space for which the Temporal Anomalies Department would have assigned or referred to for a name was lost in the event. All involved remember the agent, who was previously associated with Agent ID [the type or namespace reference "null" is not found], yet no personnel can recall a name nor a substitute label which could be used in reference to identity. This agent recalled that the event was triggered by an exceptionally large game11 of hide-and-seek.

SCP-5541-1/GOI-Ω: "The Allied Occult Initiative" - Materials

_

◆ Articles 5541-α through γ : Propaganda Campaign

Recovered Propaganda Materials
1
2
3

GOI-Ω's remarkable efficiency with public persuasion is due in part to a complex understanding of human psychology, social engineering, and the anomalous. Using the collective knowledge of all GOIs assimilated into the organization, combined with robust marketing campaigns, allows GOI-Ω to capitalize on the Foundation's collapse as a springboard to gain access to the front and center of various social, ideological, and political movements. View other tabs for additional notes and closer views of each.

GOI-Ω heavily relies on the perception of the organization as a force of rationality, understanding, and coexistence with all beings that are capable of doing so, anomalous and otherwise, which they use to paint the Foundation as restrictive, narrow-minded, and incompetent.

In addition to previously described defamation, GOI-Ω's marketing also focuses heavily on the "thought-police" aspects of Foundation operations, including memory alteration/amnestics use, subterfuge techniques, and disinformation campaigns— going to great lengths to ensure claims made are not sensationalized, while withholding information about positive Foundation operations and results.

A major facet of successful campaigns by GOI-Ω include the natural conclusion that the Foundation's "limited" view of the anomalous and consensus reality implies they exist as a polar opposite— with intent to achieve a complete enlightenment of all beings on Earth and the subsequent unification of humanity with the anomalous to become a hyperintelligent collective consciousness of unfathomable power. This process is theorized to be the primary mechanism for the final stages of SCP-5541, including SCP-5541-Ω.

_

◆ Additional Information

Figure 4: Allied Occult Initiative emblems vary from timeline to timeline, based on the GOIs that join. Note the "sunbeam" motif is constant, and defacement of the Foundation logo is prevalent. Many timelines adopt the "hollyhock" Mon (紋) (Seen attached at top of page) for public usage and ease of identifiability. This is likely a play on the acronym A.O.I. and the often-incorrectly identified Aoi plant of the hollyhock crest itself, as no connections between the organization and the Tokugawa clan that once used the same crest have been found.

_

◆ Case File # 90G-1IPN-Y190

Note: This document was recovered from a routine observation of SCP-5541. It was selected for inclusion on the basis that it is notable for erroneously describing SCP-5541-Ω phenomena as anomalous. Footnotes have been provided as clarifying remarks from the Temporal Anomalies Department and thus were not present at time of recovery.

Case File #: 90G-1IPN-Y190
Exhortation Class: Hemlock12
Hazard Level: LOW
Priority: LOW
Risk Mitigation Factors: N/A
Specifications: Case File #90G-1IPN-Y190 is the collective designation for a set of five six aberrant configurations of gravitational syzygy,13 referred to as 90G-1IPN-Y190-A through 90G-1IPN-Y190-E F, and their relationship with Jupiter. Aberrant phenomena has not been associated with these alignment types prior to 3000 AD.
Instances are found to occur when Jupiter obscures the view of another planet from all observers in the solar system. Analysis has confirmed this effect extends to other aberrant interplanetary designations like Case File #90M-NP17-PL19 and Case File #14X-RE02-CT21. All portions of the observable universe completely masked by Jupiter effectively cease to exist for as long as they are unobserved. Despite this, other portions of unobscured space function without indication of change, implying that reality does not exist on the far side of the planet. This effect has been confirmed through the use of Lacunar-Thaumaturgic Ranged Image Processing (L-TRIP)14 systems which were utilized to grant temporary clairvoyance and help anticipate an increasing number of aberrant artifacts and phenomena. The unexplained effect of each configuration is heavily dependent on which body is obscured.
Configuration List:

Configuration #
Details
Effect

#90G-1IPN-Y190-A
Jupiter occults Saturn. Now every 20-30 years
All biological growth and decomposition in the solar system ceases for duration of event. Radioactive isotopes do not decay. Humans unable to experience personal growth (emotional, spiritual, or physical). Global AEP rate15 decreases to ~0.0%

#90G-1IPN-Y190-B
The moon/Venus/Mars occults Jupiter. Occurs every ~32 years
All technological advancements of greater complexity than simple mechanisms like pulleys and levers cease function until event passes. Humans report sporadic cases of epistaxis and loss of consciousness. Boundary reality found to drop sharply for duration of event, leading to unintended aberrant effects

#90G-1IPN-Y190-C
Jupiter occults Neptune. Experienced 04/30/2998, configuration had not occurred since 9/19/1702
Global intelligence decreases dramatically for duration of alignment. General fatigue is often reported. Sentient beings cannot dream during this period

#90G-1IPN-Y190-D
Jupiter occults Uranus. Occurs every 300-400 years
Earth's oceans rapidly change to a mix of water, water-ice, methane and ammonia. Atmospheric conditions change to primarily hydrogen and helium. No adverse health reactions are detected. A faint ring is visible in the sky for duration of event, after which everything returns to its previous state

#90G-1IPN-Y190-E
Jupiter occults Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune simultaneously. Does not occur naturally, happened once due to sporadic aberration pocket on 10/10/3001
Location of previously unconfirmed but hypothesized trans-Neptunian planet reveals itself in spectacular fashion, designated #90G-1IPN-Y190-IX. Observation shows planet is occupied by a single, enormous, omnipotent entity

#90G-1IPN-Y190-F
Jupiter occults #90G-1IPN-Y190-IX. Will occur sometime around 02/3012
Reality on far side of Jupiter stops existing while unobserved by omnipotent entity

Addendum 5541-Aion: Additional Materials

_

◆ RCT-Δt's Proposal

In light of information gained from extensive observations of SCP-5541 and its related effects, as well as various archive files already recorded or to be recorded by the Foundation regarding anomalous phenomena and statistical trends extrapolated by said information, the Temporal Anomalies Department has decided to submit for review a proposal for SCP-001. Submitted Document 001-Δt can be found below, which is currently under review by the O5 Council, the Ethics Committee, and the Temporal Intelligence Community.

Item #: SCP-001 (Pending Assignment)
Object Class: Aisna-Boltzmann16
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-001 is to be limited in scope to the best of the ability of the Foundation, but must not be completely contained nor abandoned at any time. This is to continue until such actions become impossible or are no longer necessary. It is believed that SCP-001's effects possess a certain "acceptable" range so as to ensure Foundation operations remain manageable and secure facilities self-sustainable for an indeterminate amount of time. Adhering to this range while undergoing a complete restructuring of protocol—one prioritizing rehabilitation, low-profile relocation and reintegration services—is presumed to be the most optimal means of preserving consensus reality and the lives of nearly every living being in the entire universe, across all universes and timelines that are impacted by SCP-001 itself.
Description: SCP-001 is the designation for an anachronistic metaphysical quality that permeates all systems of complex structures that possess sentience, can be defined as "human", and can otherwise receive, store, and transmit high-order information. SCP-001 is believed to manifest as the outcome of a probabilistic scenario initiated when the Heisenberg cut of a particular 3rd-dimensional frame within a 4th-dimensional octahedral reality is subject to wave function collapse.
When probable outcomes collapse via observation, there is an unknown likelihood17 that SCP-001 will occur. When this happens, SCP-001 will randomly manifest anomalous phenomena at any synchronous point on the 3D frame that is also experiencing wave function collapse. This effect does not appear to have a limited range outside of the field of view and the ability to observe at a distance, so long as the space is being observed in some way in said frame and was not being observed the previous. In addition, the process or sensory function in which the observation occurs does not appear to matter, although vision remains the most effective means of doing so that humans possess.
The intensity, frequency, and density of SCP-001's effect increases over each quantum of time elapsed, by a quantity determined via the previous density of the effect and other factors such as the broad awareness of this aspect of reality. When human entities gain knowledge of the anomalous, increase their population density, and/or unify their thought processes, the rate at which anomalous phenomena is generated increases, as well as the radius of the same effect impacting a spherical area surrounding the organism's brain.18 Therefore, it is possible for this system to reach a "cascade" point, wherein a positive feedback loop of anomalous activity leads to the collapse of quantum systems due to insufficient universal resources. This appears to imply that what one might call "anomalous" is as real as reality itself, and is perhaps associated with some unknown form of higher-order mathematics and/or sciences that may explain all of anomalous activity as a whole. The inverse of this appears to also be true; when there are less observers in a space, the area being observed becomes less real by a faint, imperceptible, but entirely measurable change in Humes. As such, SCP-001 appears to suggest that the entirety of "baseline" reality is just as anomalous as everything that the Foundation secures, contains, and protects.

It is speculated that Hume loss of unobserved space is correlated with a limited amount of "processing power" within the universe, and that SCP-001, and/or humanity itself, carries a built-in limiting/boosting mechanism to help regulate the Hume field of the surrounding reality. This is further corroborated by reports within spaces in which the Hume field logarithmically approaches zero, where human minds have been seen to individually generate their own localized reality. Likewise, there seems to be some inherent property of reality itself that is necessary to exist that cannot exist while unobserved completely, once a specific density of "anomalous" phenomena is reached.
Conclusion: The observer effect within the Copenhagen interpretation of quantum mechanics, SCP-001, appears to be at least partially responsible for the generation of large portions of our current universe, utilizing or being generated by humanoid life-forms. Thus the phenomenon is both responsible for the generation of anomalous activity/baseline reality and cannot be contained fully, nor should it remain uncontained. Due to its relationship with the very objects the Foundation has spent eons studying and the Foundation's strained relationship with various groups considered "different" than humanity, such as The Children of the Night, RCT-Δt urges the Council to immediately reclassify all phenomena as explained through the nature of consensus reality and begin rehabilitation/reintroduction programs for all sentient creatures in containment that are capable of doing so. This may be the only recourse we have to avoid the fate of our future selves. We will lose the war—but we believe things can still change so that it never happens in the first place.

Note: It should be known that, as of May 23rd, 2858, no records of a "Temporal Anomalies Department" exist in the Foundation record other than this document, which was found sealed with a metastable tachyonic displacement mechanism of unidentifiable origin. The documentation is dated nearly 100 years ago and was flagged by an automated consistency check where it remains until further notice. Interestingly, a slot for a SCP-1968 was also flagged for inconsistency at the same time, as the checker had not detected an empty slot in that location in the previous scans. Despite this, scan results revealed little about what had been in the slot, only that it had matched the server and was not empty the previous week. In addition, "The Allied Occult Initiative" is not a yet-to-be founded GOI but the name of the predecessor to the Global Occult Coalition; please check official Foundation historical records if you have any doubts.
The recovered tachyonic device found associated with this file was designed to maintain a version of the document in a temporally-isolated substrate using a novel system to achieve temporospacial non-locality. Several suspected employees have been detained, but none recall any such device and have been cleared of wrongdoing. Likewise, O5-7 denies any recollection of the events described above and enhanced interrogation of various parties reveal no known entity by the name of Thaddeus Xyank. Investigation into the anomalous properties described above have not yielded conclusive results. Research and containment efforts, as they are described by the O5 Council, will continue indefinitely.

Footnotes
1. Enabled for use within the Temporal Anomalies Department since 2348 AD for limited testing use cases in which Mk. V Xyank-Anastasakos Constant Temporal Sinks (XACTS) and strategically placed Lang-Scranton Spatial Stabilizers enable increased power output (up to 1*108 kW), more accurate fine tuning of end location, and an additional, heretofore unknown set of metastable tachyon flux conditions. Research into the potential applications is ongoing.
2. Controversial mission entailing a preemptive strike on GOI-Σ "The Sunrise Collective"—the party that will ultimately result in the inception of SCP-5541.
3. That is to say, the timeline of events surrounding the manifestation of the paradox lacks a true beginning and end, as said events occur in an endless causal loop of mutual action and reaction (see Figure 3).
4. Most notably, one or more parties involved have an intrinsic relationship with the career progression of the late Thaddeus Xyank, that, if disturbed sufficiently, could result in the nonexistence of RCT-Δt and/or a subsequent "grandfather" temporal paradox effect.
5. The timeline of events surrounding the manifestation of a "grandfather" paradox would lack a true beginning and end, as said events would occur in an endless causal loop of destructive action and the nullification of said action.
6. Timelines that end prematurely due to other causes or experience phenomena that render humans inert/incapable of carrying out SCP-5541 are excluded from this criteria.
7. This outcome has not been observed, as the power currently required to send one agent this far into the future with SCP-2003 is greater than or equal to the total energy contained within the universe as a whole.
8. Though synchrony with divergent timelines is rare and naturally decreases in possibility over time, major external forces of extradimensional origin could theoretically manifest a large-scale causal stream "resonance" event vis-à-vis the simultaneous and sudden influence on/interaction between large portions of the multiverse, resulting in greatly limited and/or interlinked probabilistic outcomes.
9. See below for more information.
10. Attempts to establish contact with future members of the Temporal Anomalies Department have been similarly unproductive. Personnel in observed timelines generally express confusion at the presence of RCT-Δt agents from the past, possibly suggesting future agents are still traveling forward to deal with threats, isolating themselves from past members to safeguard against annihilation via self-interaction, and/or are aware of some information regarding SCP-5541 that, for an unknown reason, prohibits them from informing current RCT-Δt members of their status and whereabouts. Investigations into the future actions of the Temporal Anomalies Department are being considered, however, logistical concerns and inherent trust-related risks are major obstacles to these operations.
11. Estimated to have over one hundred million players.
12. The "Hemlock" designation encompasses the range of anomalous activity that, by their own nature, are impossible to mitigate due to their relationship with consensus reality, yet pose no current threat to long-term normalcy, as defined by SCP-5541-1.
13. A specific or noteworthy alignment of three or more celestial bodies.
14. Likely a successor to programs developed by the Foundation—specifically the Terrestrial Earth-Like Low-orbit Universal Sweep (TELLUS) program and project RAINBOW ASTRA.
15. Artifact-Event-Phenomena Rate is used to determine the frequency of aberrant activity.
16. Anomaly related to a demiurge is responsible for the generation of anomalous activity, while being both necessary for and inimical to the current state of reality.
17. Due to the scope of the effect and being unable to preclude the location of all physical spaces being unobserved simultaneously without observing said spaces.
18. This serves as a possible explanation for novel anomalous activity manifesting within Foundation Secure Facilities such as but not limited to Site-19 and Site-13.

« SCP-5540 | SCP-5541 | SCP-5542 »


Item #: SCP-5542
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: The parcel of land SCP-5542 is located at is currently held by a Foundation shell company (Singh, Chang, and Partners). A standard perimeter has been established under cover story "Retiree Timesharing". Objects recovered from the property are kept in cold storage at Site-42 pending further testing. Investigation into PoI-5542 (see Addendum 5542-A) is ongoing.
Description: SCP-5542 is a section of California coastline that is composed of cake to an average depth of 2.5 meters. Walking on the surface of the beach is possible despite the composition, while purposefully digging downwards past 2cm reveals non-anomalous cake. The effect is contained entirely within the property lines of 1812 Sea Ledge Ln, a beachfront residence.
Discovery: On 12/15/2020, Foundation agents embedded in the Santa Barbara Police Department were alerted to a potential anomaly during an altercation between an officer and a local psychic/detective claiming that he'd had a vision of "multiple people disappearing on a beach made of cake" at the given address. After cross-referencing with open missing persons cases in the Campanil area and an interview with the psychic and a corroborating witness, the agents decided to take over the investigation. Class-B amnestics were administered to all civilians involved.
Addendum 5542-A - Investigation Log: Investigation of the property and an attempt to contact the property owner were authorized on 12/15/2020 for the following day. A partial transcript of the agents' body camera footage is logged below.

<BEGIN LOG, 12/16/2020 - 16:32>

Agents Roday and Hill activate their body cameras on arrival to the property.
Roday: You see any cameras on the house?
Hill: No. No fences, no cameras… security is pretty lax for a house in this neighborhood.
Roday: Right. Let's hit the beach.
Agents exit their vehicle and proceed along the side of the house towards the beach behind the property.
Roday: See? This is the kind of place I want to get once I make O5.
Hill: You? O5? You got your hand stuck in the infinite peanut butter jar and flooded the men's locker room last week!
Roday: I was hungry! They can't disqualify me for that!
Hill: You're lucky you're not stuck in some basement dictating the database onto audio logs.
Roday: Ugh, yeah, Theron needs to get some sun.
Agents reach the beach behind the house. Agent Roday digs his hand into the sand, grasping a handful of chocolate cake. He attempts to taste it before Agent Hill grabs his wrist.
Hill: C'mon, son! Eating anomalous beach cake?
Roday: I was only gonna taste it!
Hill: Put it down.
Agent Roday drops the cake. Agent Hill uses an evidence bag to retrieve a sample.
Hill: Alright, the beach is cake. Confirmed.
Roday: Interrogate the family?
Hill: Interrogate the family. Let's go- hey! Don't wipe that on me! I just got this uniform cleaned!
Agents start towards the front of the property.
Roday: How're you and Selene doing?
Hill: You know how it is, we're taking some time apart to find-
Roday: She dumped you.
Hill: She said I was keeping secrets from her, man!
Roday: That's your entire job! You gotta get better at keeping the fact that you're keeping secrets secret, dude.
Hill: Shut up!
Agents reach the front of the property and proceed to the front door. Agent Hill lifts his hand to knock on the door; it opens before he makes contact. Engelbert Leckermaul, property owner based on public records, approximate age 55, stands in the doorway.
Leckermaul: Well hello there, constables! How can I help you today?
Roday: Hello, sir-
Leckermaul: Call me Bertie.
Roday: Bertie, right. I'm Officer Spencer, this is Officer Grimm. We're here to ask you some questions about some disappearances in this area.
Leckermaul: Oh, wow! I'd be happy to help in any way that I can. Come on in, we can talk inside.
Agents enter the residence. As they pass the living room, a teenage male is sprawled on one of the couches wearing headphones.
Leckermaul: The wife is at La Cumbre working on her tennis game. Wish she would take that boy with her; he could use some exercise. Gettin' a little plump around the frame, if you know what I mean.
Hill: Right. We're investigating a rash of disappearances of local youths.
Leckermaul: How tragic! Such an awful waste of potential!
Roday: Yeah, the kids were all last seen in this neighborhood. You haven't seen anybody shady around lately, have you?
Leckermaul: Not that I've noticed. My family and I have lived here for ages. We know everyone, and I haven't noticed any perfidious persons, no sir.
The group arrives in the kitchen.
Leckermaul: Coffee?
Hill: No thank-
Roday: I'd love some.
Leckermaul places two disposable coffee pods into an elaborate coffee machine.
Leckermaul: Got this beauty when we renovated the kitchen. Empty night, the doublewide oven cost as much as my car, but the missus had to have her domain be "state of the art."
Roday: Amen that!
Hill: Back to the investigation, I was wondering if you had any problems with trespassers? We've had complaints from some of the neighbors about local kids sneaking onto the private beaches to party.
Leckermaul: Of course! It happens all the time, but we're not as stuck up as "some of the community." (Leckermaul raises his pinky finger in a mocking gesture.)
Roday: Amen again! But Bertie, let's cut to the chase: (Pounds his hand on the counter.) Why is your section of beach literally made out of cake!?
Leckermaul and Agent Hill stare at Agent Roday.
Leckermaul: What in blazes are you on about?
Roday: Yeah, dude. It's completely edible. There's no way that could have happened without you knowing.
Leckermaul: I don't- I mean… you can't be serious.
Roday: As a witch in a tornado.
Hill: We checked ourselves before we came to the door. Your beach is somehow cake instead of sand. It seems impossible, but there it is written in the frosting.
Leckermaul: You know what? This is probably an elaborate prank from my Alpha Tau Omega brothers, those incorrigible rogues. You know, UC Santa Barbara, "Go, Gauchos!"
The coffee maker beeps. Leckermaul moves to retrieve the coffee.
Roday: They excavated your backyard beach… and replaced it with cake?
Leckermaul: (Hands a mug coffee to Agent Roday) I don't know how they got the dean's car on top of the roof either! These pranks get better every year.
Hill: Why don't we head out back and show you the situation?
Leckermaul starts towards the back of the house. Agent Roday moves to take a sip of his coffee before Agent Hill takes it from him. They begin to whisper to each other.
Hill: What the hell was that?
Roday: I thought I could get him to crack!
Hill: Get the hell out of here!
Roday: No, you get the hell out of here.
Hill: No, go with Bertie! I'll catch up.
Roday: Oh! Gotcha.
Agent Roday moves to follow Leckermaul to the back of the property. Agent Hill takes a sample of the coffee before dumping it in the sink.
END LOG

Extraneous data redacted. Agents Roday and Hill confirmed with Mr. Leckermaul that the beach was cake before giving him a number to reach them if he had any more information. They then adjourned to their motel for the evening.

Addendum 5542-B - Disappearance: On 12/17/2020, Agents Roday and Hill returned to the address for follow up questions. Upon arrival, Agent Roday noted that the house looked different in a "hard to place" way. Agent Hill's knock on the door caused it to fall inwards, off its hinges.
Investigation of the interior revealed that the house was now vacant. Agent Roday described the residence as "decrepit, as if it had been abandoned for decades," with the sole exception being the kitchen, where Agent Hill noted that the room smelled as if someone had been cooking, in line with Agent Roday's observation that the oven was still warm.
Further forensic analysis found evidence suggesting that the aged sections of the home had been abandoned for upwards of 40 years, where the appliances in the kitchen were found to be less than a month old and otherwise non-anomalous.
Food items recovered from the kitchen included:
- Fresh and frozen meats
- Dried and cured meats (jerky)
- Bottles of wine
- Baked goods and components for baking (flour, yeast, etc.)
- Disposable coffee pods
Laboratory analysis revealed the meat to be human flesh, while the other food products also tested positive for human DNA.

« SCP-5541 | SCP-5542 | SCP-5543 »