2/5314 LEVEL 2/5314
CLASSIFIED

Item #: SCP-5314

Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-5314 spores must be contained in frozen state inside Area-3 sporangium warehouse. The spores can be transported only under close supervision.
SCP-5314 instances can be cultivated for experimental purposes. The area in which the object is cultivated must be fully hermetic. Access to the cultivation area requires wearing a type 4 Hazmat suit.
In situations when the Foundation acquires reports of uncontained populations of SCP-5314 or packs of animals infected with instance's spores, Mobile Task Force Epsilon-1 (“Puszczyki”) is to be sent to the terrain. Epsilon-1's objective is to search the areas in order to find and secure infected individuals or animals. If the search is positive, all fruiting bodies and mycelium of anomaly must be contained, and leftovers treated with antifungal substances. Every infected animal must be terminated and the corps put in a proper utilization process.
In case of infection on a Foundation staff member, they are to be immediately treated with antifungal drugs injected directly to gums and surgery in order to remove pathogens within infected tissue. In case of achieving the final state of the infection due to treatment failure, the patient must undergo complete removal of all infected tissues in the mouth.

Description: SCP-5314 is a species of fungus of the paxillaceae family occurring in the Sudeten mountain chain at altitudes between 1200 and 1750 meters above sea level. The object feeds by mycorrhiza, mainly with representatives of the pine genus. The height of the fruiting body reaches 5 centimetres (including the cap) and the radius of the cap can reach 3.5 centimetres. The lamellae are divided into two types: red type — a storage element for proteins (including pigments) and white type — a storage element for fats (mainly phospholipids). In a standard fruiting body there are more red lamellae than white lamellae in a ratio of 10:1. In the flesh of the instars, there are heme-containing protein pigments that give the cap and the upper part of the stem a red colour. In addition, the fruiting body has unidentified chemical compounds that fool the chemoreceptors, making the being eating the mushroom feel as if they are eating the meat of domestic cattle. Regardless of how the object is processed, its taste will always match cattle meat that has undergone the same process.
The main mode of reproduction of SCP-5314 is spore dispersal by insects. The upper side of the cap has a large number of microscopic pores which contain the spores. From these pores, a thick viscous fluid containing them is released. This fluid has a high concentration of monosaccharides, which attracts the attention of insects and attach themselves to the legs of their legs by means of a sticky secretion. The spores are surrounded by a special envelope whose main function is to protect it.
When spores enter the mammal mouth they place themself in space between the tooth and gum; entering the digestive system in organisms other than mammals possess no effect. There, in an unknown process, the envelope of the embryo separates itself and moves to the interdental septum, resulting in the sprout of spore growth in the tissue, causing fungal infection in the mouth, at the same time inducing genetic mutation of surrounding tissues. As a result of infection, the tooth roots gets weakened, leading to painful pushing out the teeth from the mouth by swollen gum. Simultaneously, the inside of the interdental septum starts producing structures made from chitin, which is synthesized by host modified cells. Every structure is scaffolding for new toothing created immediately after teeth removal. All new made teeth have the same construction: they are on average 3 centimetres long tusks formed from chitin, covered with sensitive flushed tissue originating from the gum. Inside that tissue are placed SCP-5314's mycelium threads and spores with envelopes resistant to standard digestive juice, allowing spores to go through the digestive tract of infected animals. New toothing is causing constant pain due to ongoing tissues inflammation and covering tusks with highly innervated oversensitive tissue. However, the infection isn't life or health-threatening. The whole process can take from 12 to 24 hours, depending on the mammal species that are infected with the object's spores.
In the case when spores contact with other epithelial tissue there is no reaction. The multi-layered epithelium of skin is too thick for SCP-5314 spores to get access to the bloodstream and substances needed for chitin synthesis. Also, spores don't possess any mechanical system to hook themself to tissues, as they are based on a sticky liquid which is either absorbed by mucosa or dissolved by digestive enzymes.

Discovery: First interaction with SCP-5314 was made by the Foundation on 28/02/1890, when, in the village Świerków, located in Austria-Hungary territory, appeared a wolf pack with before unknown toothing. It is estimated that the appearance of animals in the human settlement was caused by a lack of sufficient prey in local territories. The inhabitants shortly succeed in hunting every animal with irregular features and subsequently the staroste of the village, after assuming that the toothing is a result of an unknown disease, contacted Austro-Hungarian authorities, which led to the information coming into contact with a Foundation agent. Under the cover of an Austrian official, the agent went to the village Świerków where during the animal's autopsy he confirmed the anomalous background of the changes.
The Foundation sent MTF Stigma-22 (“Żwirki i Muchomorki”) under the cover of the Austro-Hungarian army, who temporarily locked down the area citing epidemic danger. Next, they began searching for the source of the anomaly in local forests, which led the formation to find the fungus, later classified as SCP-5314. After finding the anomaly MTF Stigma-22 (“Żwirki i Muchomorki”) harvested all subjects and terminated or contained all infected animals. Contained fungus and animals were transported to Area-3.

Addendum 5314-1: On 20/10/1983, the current leader of MTF Stigma-221/2 ("Żwirki i Muchomorki: Reboot"), Agent Rober Łotrzak confronted with activity of GoI-571-20, known under the name "Polish Anomalous Mushroom Picking Association", which was believed to be connected with SCP-5314. The event began when Agent Łotrzak consumed a meal in a dining establishment. During eating the minced meat roulade Agent Łotrzak found unidentified fibres in his dish, described by him as mushroom-like. Agent Łotrzak infiltrated the kitchen of the establishment by using fake documents of the inspector of the Chief Sanitary Inspectorate, where the agent found refined mushrooms of SCP-5314 and the identity of the supplier.
Research conducted by the Foundation confirmed the anomalous properties of the refined mushroom, noting a complete lack of object's usual spore in them. This has led to the beginning of observation of the establishment and the suspected supplier. A notable observation was made by main members of MTF Stigma-221/2 ("Żwirki i Muchomorki: Reboot") on 23/11/1983, when the supplier of refined SCP-5314 was seen driving to the establishment selling SCP-5314; Stigma-221/2 began following the suspect. At the same time, a group of the Foundation agents, disguised as food safety inspectors, confiscated all SCP-5314 located in the established, citing food contamination reports.
Tracking of the supplier allowed the task force to find the facility most likely responsible for the distribution of refined SCP-5314. During observation, it was found that the facility was abandoned. Agent Łotrzak with the support of the strike group “Cegła” initiated a tactical takeover of the building with the supplier still inside. Inside the building, they found basic mechanical parts, 150 kilograms of raw SCP-5314 mushrooms and a leaflet1 pointing at the involvement of the Polish Anomalous Mushroom Picking Association. The supplier was captured and interrogated, but it was confirmed that they had possessed no useful information; the individual was applied a Class B amnestics and set free. Further investigation led to discovering that the building was an extensive production hall, which has been taken apart in a hurry. Tracks of at least 5 vehicles were found, 4 of them were delivery cars and 1 was a lorry.
GoI-571-20 have ended the contact with the supplier and the gastronomic establishment after that incident. The Foundation engineers attempted to reconstruct a machine used in cleaning SCP-5314 fruiting bodies, but because of the machine's disassembly to primary parts and lack of characteristic components, there were no notable results. Agent Łotrzak in order to extend knowledge concluded in document 5314-1 activated MTF Stigma-221/2 ("Żwirki i Muchomorki: Reboot") agent network which was infiltrating Polish Anomalous Mushroom Picking Association.

Document 5314-1:

Paxillus Meaty
Paxillus Caro

Edible
Appearance: The mushroom fruiting body has short, wide and naked stalks, growing no more than 3 centimetres high and 1,5 centimetres in diameter. The stalk base is completely white, but with the height increase, there is a gradual change to bloody red colour. The hat diameter isn't bigger than 7 centimetres and has a dark red colour, and is covered with dense, sticky fluid containing spores, possessing a sweet aroma. Brimnes of the mushroom hat are tack and are partially covering tightly squeezed, slight lamina which is partially red and partially white.
Anomalous properties: That mushroom has an unknown substance that perfectly mimics the taste of beef. The taste value of the mushrooms is always identical to beef which was processed in the same way as the mushroom. Spores have sheath which after coming into the mouth causes infection, which affects tissue's DNA, changing it in a specific way.
Occurrence: The mushrooms live mainly in poor nourishment terrain like high mountains. It can be mostly found under pines or other kinds of conifers, growing on barren soil.
Use history: Due to the mushroom taste value it was a delicacy of vast poorer communities throughout ages, as the first mention of Paxillus Meaty processing comes from the V century. Even when the method was still imperfect peasants still consumed the mushroom, but because of side effects inflicted pain and caused the victims to look like demons (which resulted in many problems with representatives of Christian authorities) in the coming centuries consumption of paxillus went down, until entirely disappearing from diet.
It was like that until 1932 when Tomasz Beżowy, the Association mycologist and nutrition technologist, developed a method that fully nullifies risk caused by spores of paxillus meaty.
After developing technology for successful processing of that mushroom and appearing in a great market in form of Great Ukraine Starvation, the Association started picking and processing the mushroom on large scale. To this day the Association sells processed paxillus in many gastronomic establishments in Poland and neighbouring countries.
It is thought that paxillus' possessed purpose in important rituals of many tribes' societies. Legends tell that the mushroom was used in rituals “creating warriors in indestructible armours made from their own will and blood.” Hover exact information about truth or eventual working mechanics remains secret. No matter that, the Association researchers place great effort to fully understand all properties of the mushroom.
Recommendations: During picking Paxillus Meaty, it is recommended to wear gloves and reduce physical contact with the substance covering its hat. Picker must prevent letting the substance come in contact with inside his mouth at all cost. Specimens should be stored inside a hermetic container.

Addendum 5314-2: On 13/08/1984 MTF Stigma-221/2 ("Żwirki i Muchomorki: Reboot") ended gathering information about SCP-5314 possessed by Polish Anomalous Mushroom Picking Association. Most data gathered by the Association was around the subject of the thaumaturgic use of the SCP-5314, however, due to the ancient origin of the information, most data on the ritual was lost. Because of that, found documents were passed to Doctor Daniel Asheworth, who was deemed as a specialist in thaumaturgy.
Until 20/08/1984 Doctor Asheworth achieved significant progress in research about rituals related to the SCP-5314, completing missing parts of the rituals by using knowledge from the field of defensive and arming thaumaturgy. Using the developed method allowed the process to achieve moderate success in the form of covering the test subject's body to 50% (because the armour always starts from the inside of the mouth, it covered only the upper part of the body) in monolayer armour made from chitin plates. While a partial success, the armour didn't provide protection presented in preserved documents. Additionally, despite being an integral part of the wearer's skin, the armour wasn't correctly fitted to the wearer, which caused some movement limitations. Although armour was an integral part of an organism that wears it, it didn't have any connection to internal body systems (which include the neural system), making it so that damaging the armour didn't have any negative effects on the wearer.
A breakthrough came at the night between 20/08/1984 and 21/08/1984. Doctor Asheworth after a precise analysis of the armour creation process and its structure, was able to understand that he made the wrong assumption and he should base the ritual on blood rituals and flesh magic, not defensive and arming thaumaturgic. Implemented changes allow for creating an armour that covers the whole body of the test subject. New armour was made from two stiff layers with a slight number of SCP-5314 mycelium between. Additionally, the new armour's elements were exactly fit, allowing for unconstrained movement.
Doctor Asheworth experimented with improving the ritual and its eventual use for the next 3 days. The final solution was achieved using a self-made weak alcohol solvent based on pine resin and berry juice (mainly blueberry). New versions of the ritual created an armour that has five layers of hard chitin plating with the addition of hems, giving it a characteristic red colour. Between layers is located mycelium with a high level of collagen which can almost fully absorb kinetic energy. In case of damaging it, mycelium can stretch and connect itself to the skin of the person wearing the armour. After connecting, mycelium would take substances needed for repair. Currently, the armour created on humans is capable of stopping bullets from small firearms. In addition, Doctor Asheworth discovered a method that can painlessly remove the armour from the body without damaging it or the host.
Doctor Asheworth submitted an application for the realization of the “Shelled tomb” project after the end of the research. Project due to its content was placed in a separate document which access can be given only for staff with 4/5936 or higher classification level.

Incident 5314-1: On August 8, 1984, began an incident initiated after receiving reports about high amounts of cattle perishing in two breedings near Częstochowa. At the same time, every vegetative patient in Provincial Specialist Hospital experienced arrest of vital activities. The anomalous incident was explained to the public as an epidemy of parasitic protists, hosting in cattle, leading to contamination of drips used on vegetative patients.
During the incident, in Outpost-120-1 appeared 1200 armours made by use of a thaumaturgic ritual developed by Dr Asheworth. Inside these armours were placed unknown thaumaturgic runes. When the armours were placed near the entrance to SCP-5936 sudden increase of SCP-5936-1 activity occurred. When the number of instances achieved maximal quantity, runes placed inside the armours activated themselves, causing instant neutralization of SCP-5936 and all instances of SCP-5936-1.
Neutralization of SCP-5936 anomaly led to the sudden emergence of buildings, previously placed in 5936's anomaly, in normal space. It was confirmed that information about Częstochowa district called “Tysiąclecie Dolne” has not appeared in the public sphere or other sources of information. The Foundation staff working in Outpost-120-1 performed an operation of exploring and searching the buildings, and after confirming that inside the area wasn't left anything useful, the area has been demolished, in order to minimize the chance of exposing the anomalous activity. Demolition was disguised as a practical effect studio, for an upcoming film.
At the time of SCP-5936-1 neutralization, all the armours with runes in Outpost-120-1 were immediately animated. The beings were designated the classification 5936-A. Instances of 5936-A claimed that they are the “Tysiąclecie Dolne” inhabitants, however, due to organic amnesia (memory lost about one's own life, but not the world around) on different levels in all of the instances, it is hard to confirm these statements. Subjects possess working sense of sight and hearing, but sense of touch is limited only to pressure receptors. Senses using chemoreceptors are absent. Research showed no absence in cognitive development in comparison to regular humans, but every 5936-A entity shows significant thaumaturgic abilities despite the lack of knowledge or training in that field. The insides of the instances are empty and putting something inside them doesn't evoke any physical problems, however, some instances had a negative psychological reaction from the experiment. 5936-A subjects show a willingness to cooperate with the Foundation. All instances were transported to Site-120 where a residential sector was prepared.
Most likely the whole incident was caused by Doctor Daniel Asheworth who, with the assistance of other people (the whole operation was judged to be impossible to conduct by one person, it is anticipated that the whole event was instigated by 5 people), prepared the armours and runes inside. The search for Doctor Asheworth was successful, as he was inside his office in Site-120, in a critical state caused by blood loss and injuries of all organs except the neural system. On-site medical examiners reported on amputations of all limbs by an unknown method and major osteoporosis in the remaining bones. Later, a cytologic examination showed damage of telomeres which resulted in ageing of the tissue to the level of an 80 years old. Doctor Asheworth was immediately transported to the medical wing by paramedics, and his state stabilized.

Interview 5314-1:
Interviewed: Doctor Daniel Asheworth
Interviewer: Doctor Jessie Rivera
Foreword: Due to received injuries, Doctor Asheworth currently requires constant medical care. Despite the extension of injuries, damage to individual organs was small enough that pharmacological treatment is sufficient to keep organs working on an acceptable and not life-threatening level. A week after beginning treatment, the medical staff decided that dr Asheworth's condition is stable enough to perform an interview.
<Start of the log, 15/08/1984 ; 11:30>
Doctor Rivera: Why did you do this, Daniel?
Doctor Asheworth: Because there was no better option, I had to.
Doctor Rivera: For fuck sake! Look at you, fucking wreck, I'm not gonna mention these all peoples and animals you killed.
Doctor Asheworth: It was only dead flesh. These cows would die anyway and these people already did.
Doctor Rivera: And what about you? You're a piece of dead flesh too.
Doctor Asheworth: Almost, but I'm still alive, so that piece still can be repaired. Few surgeries, prosthetics and I will start casting fire snakes like I used to.
Doctor Rivera: That's not what I'm talking about. Why did you think that was the best option? I know that you want to hunt down Nowak, but that is just too much. You destroyed SCP-5936, making all disinformation guys sweat really hard to cover it up nicely.
Doctor Asheworth: I know about the consequences, I was ready for even worse results. You know why? Because after action with SCP-5890 I finally understood something. I can't win with Nowak, I just can't catch him. That I never will. And then I understood what I must do.
Doctor Rivera: What?
Doctor Asheworth: I must hunt down his plan, not himself. I will crush his whole "Heaven" thing into the dust. And make sure that no one else gets killed.
Doctor Rivera: You know that's impossible, especially now that you killed a few people and almost died yourself!
Doctor Asheworth: They were dead, we already talked about that. And who even needs a guy, who can't even save his own team members from an elevator?
Doctor Rivera: Get your shit together, for fucks sake! Everyone loses people sometimes in this line of work, get over it. Now you should think about what you do next. The top wants your head for destroying the object.
Doctor Asheworth: Destroying my ass. Maybe the anomaly doesn't work anymore, but now we can search flats and inspect the whole area. We will know 10, 100 or even 1000 times more now than we would with that whole mist.
Doctor Rivera: We will see.
Doctor Asheworth: By the way, now Nowak will have to come up with something new when his current plan collapses. He now enters my game, though I haven't even set the board or read the instruction yet.
Doctor Rivera: I'll put that instruction in your… You did something like this and have no idea what to do next?
Doctor Asheworth: I'm tired.
Doctor Rivera: You're not getting out right now.
Doctor Asheworth: You want to make a bet? I'm feeling very bad.
Doctor Rivera: Fine, but we will get back to this.
<End of the log, 15/08/1984 ; 11:45>
Closing statement: Because of Doctor Asheworth's health condition the disciplinary actions were suspended until Doctor Asheworth would fully recover his mental capacity.
It was decided that Doctor Asheworth will get an experimental treatment reliant on the use of synthetic mineral bones filler. At the same time work on prosthetics for Doctor Asheworth was started. As far as legs can be replaced by standard mechanical prosthetics, the arms will be replaced by prosthetics made from armour created with SCP-5314 and attached to the body by thaumaturgic circles, providing full recovery of touch and manual abilities. The use of thaumaturgic rituals to restore the ageing tissue was also planned, as that kind of treatment has been used before on dr Asheworth.

Incident 5314-2: On August 13 1985, a sabotage operation was conducted by a member of the Polish Anomalous Mushroom Picking Association. The culprit, under the alias Adrian Nowicki, was working as cleaning personnel of Site-120.
At 11:30 Adrian Nowicki entered the section of Site-120 designated as 5936-A containment area, in order to carry out standard cleaning activities. After entering the sector, he deactivated all electric devices inside the Site wing by using an unknown charge, releasing an electromagnetic pulse. Most likely it was hidden inside the cleaning staff cart. Site security personnel of Site-120 Doctor Daniel Asheworth and Agent Robert Łotrzak, who were present at the time of the incident, were alarmed by the EMP strike. Both mentioned personnel members were together in the facility because of meeting about SCP-5314 research progress and eventual use of anomaly by PZGA (however unofficial sources mention a celebration of a collaboration anniversary between Doctor Asheworth and MTF Stigma-221/2 ("Żwirki i Muchomorki: Reboot")).
During the sounding of the alarm, security officers attempted to enter the section where the EMP strike was believed to originate from. However, because of all electrical devices neutralization there was no option to open the doors. Security staff made an attempt at the manual opening of the doors, but it has failed, leading them to use a plasma cutter to break through by force.
At the same time, the PZGA Agent using an unknown method infected 300 5936-A instances with a mysterious fungus species, which gave the subjects new anomalous ability and transformed them into a new instance variation designated 5936-B. After that, he attempted to instigate an escape based on a partial transformation of objects into SCP-PL-057 by each other. The anomalous ability of SCP-PL-057 was activated by a magnesium incendiary charge which raised the average temperature to a level allowing to transmit them beyond the Foundation facility area.
During the transformation of 5936-B into SCP-PL-057, Agent Łotrzak and Doctor Asheworth attempted to get into the section. Doctor Asheworth thanks to the experience of working inside Site-120 found unused technical corridors which gave them access to blocked sections. Both personnel members decided to take action themselves because quoting them, “security works too slow”. Agent Łotrzak broke through a thin wall separating the corridor from the section containing 5936-A. Both personnel member, after getting inside the sector, stopped one of the instances before the surface transformation into SCP-PL-057 by using a makeshift incendiary bottle made from a bottle of vodka and wrapping paper. The rest of the 5936-B instances and Adrian Nowak were able to successfully escape.
The contained 5936-B specimen suffered extensive thermal injuries, however, the life of the entity wasn't threatened. Interviews of 5936-A didn't help with discovering new information, as it claims that it doesn't remember the whole incident (using 5936-B ability to damage 5936-A memory is assumed). Later investigation showed that during a 5 year long period of working for the Foundation Adrian Nowicki doesn't receive disciplinary reprimands in any form. Investigation about connection Adrian Nowicki with PZGA is in progress.
Due to the incident, a new form of 5936-A designated “5936-B” was created. Information about new specimens was included in addition designated “Characteristics of 5936-B”. Despite the escape of 299 5936-B specimens capturing 1 subject was successful. The captured subject was interviewed after it recovered, that interview is added below under designation “Interview 5314-2”.

Characteristics of 5936-B:
5936-B are the 300's instances of 5936-A which due to intervention of before unknown anomalous fungus species gain a new set of morphologic features and anomalous abilities. Is known that found fungus species belong to the ascomycota phylum, however more accurate taxonomy classification has failed.
That fungus occupies an average space of 70% of 5936-A armour volume but never appears in the head area. Most of the fungus mass is parenchyma interwoven with mycelial fibres which connect to the mycelium of SCP-5314 and transport necessary substances to every area of the organism. Tissues except parenchyma have hard chitin scaffolding made in the form of thick rings with different diameters. These rings are connected similar to dichotomous shoots. Inside of these rings are hollow tubes with different thickness, tube placement seems to be random. A two same configurations have not yet been found. The purpose of the tubes is unknown, but the reinforcing function was excluded because of their fragile construction. The fungus's way of reproduction remains a mystery, finding spores or sporangium was unsuccessful and attempts to induce artificial gemmation caused separated fragments to die.
Object anomalous abilities give them the possibility to change shape or species of anomalous fungi organisms (scientific systematology describing the effect wasn't developed yet) when it comes into contact with subjects' hands. It's possible to change affected fungi into any species if it's anomalous; experiments confirmed that the ability is able to utilize mushrooms that are superficially paranormal, for example -EX objects whose properties have been understood scientifically. 5936-B can also manipulate normal fungus, but in the process have their abilities very restrained power (it's possible to slightly bend from the regular form of representative of the species and species changing is also limited to species from the same phyla and usually doesn't cover the whole organism). The shape of the changed fungus can be modified freely if that form doesn't interfere with basic life function of the organism (for example a shape that kills the organism isn't possible to achieve), but anomaly itself doesn't affect total mass, which must stay the same. Instances 5936-B can't use their ability on themselves, however, they can transform other representatives of their kind.

Interview 5314-2:
Interviewed: 5936-B
Interviewer: Doctor Daniel Asheworth and Agent Robert Łotrzak
Foreword: Due to damage that the object received during containment, the interview has been postponed until now. The subject was transported to a temporary containment room after regaining the required level of functionality. The instance was interviewed by Doctor Asheworth and Agent Łotrzak inside its containment room. The interview focused on the anomalous ability of 5936-B and possible future actions of the Polish Anomalous Mushroom Picking Association.

<Start of the log, 13/08/1985 ; 20:20>

Doctor Asheworth: Welcome, how do you feel?
5936-B: I think I'm good. I'm entirely covered with burns, but it only tugs slightly when I move.

Doctor Asheworth: Glad to hear it.
Agent Łotrzak: Can we get to the point? They gain an advantage with every second, so tell us what you know bay bolete because I have a bottle of powder for mycosis with your designation inside my closet.
Doctor Asheworth: Indeed we should get to questions. I advise you to cooperate with us because my colleague is a little impatient and as you can see, he has a slight obsession.
5936-B: I will try to answer your questions, of course, if I can.

Agent Łotrzak: There is no “if I can”, you are going to answer our questions. And if I sniff any kind of trick I would go for a second bottle, but this time there will be gasoline instead of alcohol. I think we are understanding each other so we can go to the first thing. Are the other armours involved in that? Because they claim that not, but I know what I know.
5936-B: Others aren't involved in that, they even don't know what happened. We erased their memories by slightly changing their interiors. We did that for their and our safety.

Doctor Asheworth: We have information that all instances showed memory gaps covering the whole incident. Did you do something to them?
5936-B: We erased their memories by slightly changing their interiors. We did that for their and our safety.
Agent Łotrzak: Typical “if we erase their memories they wouldn't betray us and those guys wouldn't hurt them because of our actions” stuff.
5936-B: Yes.
Agent Łotrzak: Unfortunately I have bad news for you. I don't believe you or your friend for all the world. Your protection doesn't change anything except taking away the opportunity to cooperate with us and solve this whole mess. Congratulations.
5936-B: That was not my idea.

Agent Łotrzak: So whose? That janitor?
5936-B: Yes.

Agent Łotrzak: How long were you planning that betrayal?
5936-B: We didn't plan any betrayal.
Agent Łotrzak: I don't believe you, you mycorrhiza asshole! That kind of operation doesn't create itself one day from the air. This guy was ready and knew that he could take you. And you don't convince 300 “people” to your plan from the ass, especially against someone who saved them.
5936-B: It's not like that.

Agent Łotrzak: So how is it!?
5936-B: We all appreciate what the Foundation did for us. However, the janitor showed us something and we all saw a way to save ourselves which doesn't harm the Foundation in any way.
Agent Łotrzak: My ass not…
Doctor Asheworth: What that man showed you? Is it somehow to your new abilities?
5936-B: I can't tell you, but yes. It is connected.

Doctor Asheworth: You can't or you don't want to?
5936-B: I can't, I know what this is about, but I can't verbalize it in any way.
Doctor Asheworth: I suppose this is the same effect as which causes memory loss of 5936-A.
5936-B: Yes.

Agent Łotrzak: Fucking, not the effect. He gives us bullshit and tries to mould our eyes.
Doctor Asheworth: Łotrzak, give yourself a break. Your bad cop play doesn't give us anything. He is truly scared and wants to cooperate.
Agent Łotrzak: Did you use that thaumaturgy thing to say that?
Doctor Asheworth: Yes, I did.
Agent Łotrzak: Okay, you can assume that I believe. It is possible to manipulate memories and minds of sentient mushrooms by modifying mycelium. Question is, how exactly do they do it?
Doctor Asheworth: We haven't much, so maybe we should check our current hypothesis. You touched each other so direct contact is necessary.
5936-B: Yes.

Doctor Asheworth: You don't transform yourself so you can't use this ability on yourselves.
5936-B: We can't.
Doctor Asheworth: Are your new abilities thaumaturgy related? We detected in your body many structures which appear to be thaumaturgic rituals circles.
5936-B: I think so, I'm not an expert in this field so I'm not sure.
Agent Łotrzak: Thaumaturgy. So this sorcery of yours made that whole mechanism, Asheworth.
Doctor Asheworth: We can assume that.
Agent Łotrzak: Great, now I must learn a lot about that whole thaumaturgy shit when we finish. But not only from you, for safety measures I will confirm information with a “safe” source of information.
Doctor Asheworth: You're so nice. Anyway, I asked all my questions, the floor is yours.
Agent Łotrzak: Okay, I have two more questions, but these are mainly formality to the files. That janitor told you only about changing into leccinum and nothing more, I'm right?
5936-B: Yes, he said that we will know more later.

Doctor Asheworth: Why didn't you ask sooner? Maybe he would know something?
Agent Łotrzak: He can't. I know the mushroom pickers, they don't throw their information on left and right. It was a coordinated operation so they were ready for that kind of loss. That's why only Nowak knew something. Apart from that, they have many hours of advantage. Even if we need the three next steps of the plan we would find nothing. These guys are experts in covering their tracks.

Doctor Asheworth: Makes sense.
Agent Łotrzak: I know. I checked it on my own skin many times, that's why I'm sure. But going back to questions. Did you see the EMP charge?

5936-B: Only partially, it looked weird, like something alive.

Agent Łotrzak: Classic, organic bombs are way easier to hide because it doesn't activate metal detectors. I think this is everything, for now. I must learn your voodoo as fast as possible and also confirm it, Asheworth. And about you “mushroom”, if I discover that you are trying to trick us and believe me, I will if it happens, you will regret it.

Doctor Asheworth: Come on then. I thank you on behalf of me and my college for your help and I'm sorry about his too aggressive facade wearer for that interview.

<End of the log, 13/08/1985 ; 20:40>
Closing statement: After the end of the interview the object stays in a temporary containment room. Based on information delivered by Doctor Asheworth and Agent Łotrzak work on precise containment procedures began.

Due to the lack of precise information about the object or the thaumaturgic foundation of its abilities, administrative staff of Site-120 has initiated a project of close cooperation between dr Daniel Asheworth with MTF Stigma-221/2 ("Żwirki i Muchomorki: Reboot"); the main purpose of the operation being: investigation the thaumaturgic base of the SCP-5314, finding out the intention of PZGA, and the containment of all instances of 5936-B.

Footnotes
1. Look: Document 5314-1.

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Will you chew until it bleeds?
Can you get up off your knees?
Are you brave enough to see?
Do you wanna change it?

( The Hand that Feeds - Nine Inch Nails )
SCP-5315 - Gastronomical Annex

▸ More by this Author ◂

{$comments2}

F.A.Q.

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Appetizers
Amuse-Bouche Contagieux
  A beguiling bite-sized morsel that sparks an insatiable desire for fine dining. A delectable blend of cured Iberian ham and truffle-infused foie gras.
       Price: $12.99
       Calories: 120

WARNING: Foods from SCP-5315 should not be consumed under any circumstances. Anomalous effects have so far resulted in the death of several civilians and Foundation personnel.

Truffle Infusion Crostini
  Baguette slices adorned with a mysterious blend of black truffle, goat cheese, and honey.
       Price: $16.99
       Calories: 180

Soups and Salads
Bisque de Quarantine
  Decadent seafood bisque with the ability to instill refined tastes in the populace. Includes lobster, saffron, and a hint of cognac.
       Price: $21.99
       Calories: 250

Ensalada de Élite
Fresh arugula and watercress topped with golden beet carpaccio, and goat cheese crumbles, guaranteed to reshape the local dining landscape.
       Price: $18.99
       Calories: 200
WARNING: Neighboring businesses experience a decline as residents gravitate towards SCP-5315. Efforts to balance the local economy are in progress.

Main Courses
Filet de Rareté
  Prime meat cut to perfection, enticing locals to forsake traditional fare.
       Price: $38.99
       Calories: 350
WARNING: SCP-5315 has grown to the size of a full street, transforming it into a plaza. Efforts to decommission SCP-5315 are underway.
Saffron Épidémie Risotto
  Prime Wagyu beef filet, sous-vide and finished with a red wine reduction, redefining the culinary expectations.
       Price: $32.99
       Calories: 300

Desserts
Crème de la Contagion
 Silky chocolate mousse infused with Grand Marnier and topped with edible gold leaf.
       Price: $24.99
       Calories: 980
Pavlova Pandémique
 Light and airy pavlova filled with passion fruit curd, topped with fresh berries and a raspberry coulis.
       Price: $19.99
       Calories: 1020
WARNING: SCP-5315 has consumed Site-195. Related documentation has since been overwritten.

Beverages
Libation de Luxe
 A signature cocktail featuring artisanal gin, elderflower liqueur, and a hint of lavender, garnished with an edible orchid.
       Price: $14.99
       Calories: 150
Vin Viral
 An exclusive Bordeaux blend with notes of black currant, truffle, and a subtle hint of [REDACTED].
       Price: $29.99
       Calories: 250
WARNING: SCP-5315 has consumed half the city of Detroit and is currently enacting a FK-Class "Broken Foundation" Scenario. All non-mandatory actions are to immediately cease and focus on the neutralization of SCP-5315.

Welcome to the new Foundation, Chef.

SERVE, COOK, PREPARE.

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« SCP-5314 | SCP-5315 | SCP-5316 »


SCP-5316-1

Item #: SCP-5316
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures:
SCP-5316 is to be kept in a standard Humanoid Containment Cell in Site-33. The cell is to be monitored for spikes in aspect radiation. Should a spike occur, thaumaturgically trained Site Security personnel are to inspect the cell's wards for any damage and make repairs as needed.
Physical force is authorized to restrain SCP-5316 in the case of a containment breach, but Site-33 staff are to refrain from causing damage to it beyond the capacity of its regenerative abilities to repair (the removal or destruction of 50% of its biomass without further medical intervention). Given the creature's manipulative abilities, the use of reasoning to convince SCP-5316 to return to its cell is not permitted.
SCP-5316-1 is to be kept in a storage locker in Site-33. Its use is prohibited without the written permission of the Site Director.
Description:
SCP-5316 is a currently-banished member of GOI-5917 "The Wandsmen". It refers to itself as "Kassar Ji'leth, The Fifth Wandsman of Xing, Scrivener of Secrets and Delver of Truth, SCP-5316." Like many members of GOI-5917, SCP-5316 takes the form of a quasi-humanoid avian entity. Its form is similar to that of Casuarius casuarius, the "Double Wattled Cassowary." It is 2.7 meters tall and weighs 134.1 Kg.
SCP-5316 is generally not physically aggressive, but it derives great pleasure from convincing other sapient beings to reveal their secrets. Outside containment, it has been documented to use methods ranging from social engineering, to thaumaturgic rituals, to torture to gain access to this information.
SCP-5316 previously possessed teleportation abilities before its Map of the Multiverse was confiscated by GOI-5917.
SCP-5316-1 is a small wooden and brass music box which plays "Pachelbel's Canon". When wound, the next sapient being the winder sees is compelled to sit down in front of the winder and answer any question the winder asks of them to the best of their knowledge for the duration of the song.
During the song, those questioned by the winder are unable to move or otherwise take any actions that would harm the questioner. The winder on the other hand may perform any actions they wish to those being questioned.
Evidence suggests that mind effecting drugs such as tetrahydrocannabinol are able to cause the responses given to the winder to be less coherent.
Addendum:
NOTE: The following documents were provided by SCP-5316 upon its delivery to Foundation Custody by GOI-5917. Their similarity to Standard Foundation Formatting is purely a choice made by SCP-5316. Do not allow this material to be confused with official documentation.

Interviewed: Doctor Tanisha Varadkar
Interviewer: Kassar Ji'leth, The Fifth Wandsman of Xing, Scrivener of Secrets and Delver of Truth.
Foreword: The following interview was recorded in Dr. Varadkar's new office in Site-87.
<Begin Log>
Kassar: Good Evening Doctor!
<Dr. Varadkar pulls a gun on Kassar.>
Dr. Varadkar: Who or what the fuck are you!? Sec-
<Pachbell's Cannon begins to play.>
<Dr. Varadkar sits down.>
Kassar: Splendid! Now, can you please state your full name?
Dr. Varadkar: Doctor Tanisha Varadkar.
Kassar: And what do you do here at Site 87?
Dr. Varadkar: I'm currently just settling in. I haven't had time to get assigned a project.
<Kassar disarms Dr. Varadkar as she sits there motionless.>
Kassar: And why did you leave your last posting with the SCP Foundation?
Dr. Varadkar: I… I was attacked. Or more in the wrong place when SCP-5946 breached containment.
Kassar: Yes, how is Lot? We didn't see eye to eye all the time, but I certainly respected his research ethic.
Dr. Varadkar: He's in pain… A lot of it is self inflicted. He thinks the only real power he has is to keep hurting himself… I think there's still a little hope there, somewhere deep inside, but he's deliberately repressing it… He's failed so much.
Kassar: Hmm… That would fit. It's good to hear he might spring back in a millennium or so though. Tell me, how do you feel about what he did to you?
Dr. Varadkar: I… I think he really didn't mean to. But that doesn't matter. He hurt me, made me be someone else. Even if it was a mistake… He hurt me. And he's still dangerous. Part of what he put in my head is still there. Part of me still loves him… I hate him for it.
Kassar: And his thaumaturgy? Has it improved since he was taken into captivity? Since he became SCP-5946?
Dr. Varadkar: I… I don't know. He's so far above our ability to measure it's hard for us to tell.
Kassar: I see… I suppose it was too much to hope that you would be able to measure such things. Thank you Doctor. You shall tell no one else of this meeting.
<Kassar performs the incantation needed to ensure Dr. Varadkar's silence.>
<Kassar leaves the office.>
<End Log>
Closing Statement: A rather unenlightening discussion. Though I can see why Dr. Varadkar attracted Lot's attention. He always had a soft place in his heart for strong women.
Never the less, the Foundation's Thaumaturgical measuring equipment appears to be sorely outdated. The effects of Lot's new numeric designation remain a mystery.

Interviewed: Doctor Quentin Harrison
Interviewer: Kassar Ji'leth, The Fifth Wandsman of Xing, Scrivener of Secrets and Delver of Truth.
Foreword: Dr. Harrison is a student of anomalous foods and a former biological researcher on a project of great interest to me. I met him in Ambrose Restaurants' latest little Bistro, the Rising Sun. I'm sure one of my colleagues will have more to say about the quality of the comestibles provided at a later date.
<Begin Log>
Kassar: Good afternoon Doctor!
Dr. Harrison: What-?
<Pachbell's Cannon begins to play.>
<Dr. Harrison sits back down in his chair.>
Kassar: Excellent. Now, I have a question about your previous assignment on SCP-2406 as a biological consultant. What was the Colossus' number?
Dr. Harrison: The… It was number 9.
<Kassar produces a piece of parchment and scans down it.>
Kassar: "Number 9, The Silver Blooded Martyr…"
<Kassar nods, pleased>
Kassar: A name by numbers… I knew the Mekhanites had dabbled with it before. They must have sought to empower their creation with everything they could and -.
<Kassar is interrupted by a waiter coughing.>
Waiter: Sir, we do not allow outside music in the restauraunt. Also, there will be consequences for perturbing our guest…
<Kassar bows, not wanting to cause a fuss. He places an Ortothan Gold Aureus on the table as a tip.>
Kassar: You have my deepest apologies. Please, give my regards to the head chef. Thank you.
<Kassar picks up the music box, pulls out his map, and teleports away.>
<End Log>
Closing Statement: Aside from being interrupted, a flawless confirmation. Though the Church of the Broken God has since ceased to favor the use of impositorial thaumaturgy, it appears their more ancient predecessors saw its advantages plainly. More importantly, the numerical name's resonance lends support to my theories. Further confirmation will be required before experiments can be conducted.

Interviewed: Junior Researcher Hadid
Interviewer: Kassar Ji'leth, The Fifth Wandsman of Xing, Scrivener of Secrets and Delver of Truth.
Foreword: At time of interview, the subject's mind was addled by large quantities of cannabis, causing the magic of my construct to have less sway. I shall need to research a more elegant counter to this effect when the opportunity presents itself.
<Begin Log>
<Kassar enters Hadid's bedroom via apportation.>
Kassar: Hello Researcher Had-
<Hadid immediately picks up a large joint from his bedside and lights it, taking a deep drag.>
J. R. Hadid: Ha! Gotcha.
Kassar: … What?
<Hadid takes another drag and coughs.>
J. R. Hadid: What, you thought you could run around interrogating all our crew without us putting the word out? I got the hookup from Papa Johns bitch! One hundred percent premium Fae Kush. Good luck getting anything with your little music-box no-
<Kassar picks up Hadid's limp hand and pins it to the bedpost with a dagger. Hadid screams.>
J. R. Hadid: WHAT THE FUCK!?
Kassar: You obviously have some potential boy, but Fae magic is a very fragile thing. Tie it to the law of blood just a little and it's sucked right into the dirt. Now…
<Kassar produces the music box and winds it as the inebriated researcher whimpers. The song begins to play.>
Kassar: Now, let us discuss those not-quite nameless friends of yours… You were on the project before they were given a formal SCP designation, correct?
J. R. Hadid: I… I…
<Hadid manages to stay quiet for about 6 seconds. Then his eyes became glassy.>
J. R. Hadid: Yes… I was there before they gave them a number.
Kassar: Good… And did you notice any difference in the behavior of the fae at the restaurant after they were given an SCP Number?
J. R. Hadid: Yeah… The Pizza was better. They moved faster…
Kassar: That's all I need to hear.
<Kassar took his knife and teleported away.>
<End Log>
Closing Statement: With this data, I believe I have enough for a field test.

Recovery Log: 4/10/2021
SCP-5316 was brought into Foundation Custody by members of GoI-5917 after being stripped of his Map of the Multiverse. GoI-5917 members requested that he be treated humanely, and apologized for his "rude and disruptive" behavior.
No further detail was provided as to why or how the decision to banish SCP-5316 was made. All GoI-5917 anomalies promptly teleported before any containment measures could be applied.
Addendum:
NOTE: The following was mailed to Foundation Site-33 with no return address, or attribution. Considering the format of the document, it was likely provided by SCP-5316 as a form of mockery.

Interviewed: The 4th Wandswoman of Chelon
Interviewer: Kassar Ji'leth, The Fifth Wandsman of Xing, Scrivener of Secrets and Delver of Truth.
Foreword: A crude interview before the end. But the pain was needed to complete my plan.
<Begin Log>
<Kassar approaches the 4th Wandswoman of Chelon's office>
Chelon-4: 5th Wandswoman of Earth, we are in complete agreement. I have already sent several letters to the Editors about-
<Chelon-4 spots Kassar through the open door. Kassar waves. Earth-5, also in her office, stands defensively in front of Chelon-4's desk. Chelon-4 narrows her eyes at the Wandsman.>
Chelon-4: Kassar. I suppose you finally responded to my summons?
<Kassar smiles.>
Kassar: Absolutely! I've decided, or rather the Editors have decided, to sanction my experiment.
Earth-5: About time you got what was coming to you.
Kassar: If you mean a large grant, then yes!
Chelon-4: I'm sorry what?
Kassar: Oh, you thought I meant the other form of sanction, forgive me, English is such a limiting tongue. I use it only for the Hatchling's benefit.
Earth-5: Bitch, I'm 48 years old.
Kassar: And I'm 387 years young. You're not on the streets of Milwaukee anymore, baby sister.
Chelon-4: Alright I've had quite enough of your posturing, brother, what Machiavellian nonsense did you throw at the Editors to convince them alienating ourselves from our most desperately-needed allies was a good idea?
Kassar: Oh, but we're not going to alienate anyone, exalted Arbiter. You're going to turn me in to the Foundation for being a very naughty anomaly…
<Chelon-4 looks genuinely shocked.>
Chelon-4: Kassar, I am furious with you for what you did to those poor people, but at the end of the day you are a brother. I would not turn you over to those torturing jailers for-
Kassar: Sister, it's fine. You're going to help me get something worth all the pain in the world, an SCP number.
Earth-5:… What?
Kassar: It's simple name magic really, each part of your name tells a story. The more that story is obsessed over by those with power, the more it spreads and the more inexorably it is tied to you, the more magical strength you can extract from it.
Granted, a Foundation number is a relatively concealed name, but it also a name that surrounds you with an air of mystery, and with people who have a pressing need to understand you…
To be an SCP is to have your very essence connected to the greatest powers in the multiverse. Frankly, I'm kicking myself for letting that old fool Lot think of it first.
Chelon-4: Kassar, have you gone completely mad!? You're sitting here with a straight face telling me your brilliant plan is to tie your true name to the names of the most dangerous things in the multiverse? That's like hooking yourself up to the power of a Star! You'll burn yourself to ash and take half the Earth with you!
Kassar: I am aware of the risks. Frankly I'm willing to take them, considering what's on the line if we fail in our little war against the dark I thought you'd understand.
Chelon-4: Kassar, we have several projects we can do to build weapons against the dark without alienating our allies or immolating our family.
Kassar: I have considered our current projects, and the piddling tinker toys you're building will do nothing but make the dark gods laugh in our faces before they tear our souls to shreds.
Chelon-4: Kassar, unless you've stumbled on some texts from the Grand Cartographers I'm unaware of, there is so much of the dark gods that is unknown to us that we have no way of knowing what preparations we will need. It is a black box…
And if you won't listen to me about this, at least listen to the Second Wandsman of Earth. You know full well what Foundation "containment" is like. I may want to teach you the error of your cruel ways, but no one deserves that Hell.
Kassar: .. I suppose that means you will not deliver me to the Foundation so long as you still see me as family?
Chelon-4: I… I won't defy the Editors, but they have not ordered me to help you. Get someone else to aid you in this madness. Family doesn't torture each other.
Kassar: I see. Well then, as you are the only Wandswoman the Foundation is even remotely going to trust, my path is clear. For what it's worth, I'm sorry.
<Kassar produces a handful of paralysis runes in the air and Earth-5 falls limp to the floor.>
<Before Chelon-4 can react, Kassar releases the key on the music box.>
<Pachbel's Canon begins to play.>
<Chelon-4 sits in its chair. Its eyes are filled with fear.>
<Kassar produces a knife and reaches for the limp form of Earth-5.>
Kassar: Family doesn't torture family, you say?
<End Log>
Closing Statement: After some convincing, the Arbiter agreed to turn me over. All is in place.

Note by Agent Briggs: Considering this information, I strongly recommend SCP-5316 be elevated to Keter class and given a non-standard designation. It cannot be allowed to keep its plan in motion.

Note by Director Nakamura: Denied for now. Your heart and head are both in the right place Briggs, but we have no idea what changing this thing's name will do to it. We also don't have confirmation of where that letter came from, and we don't even know if this SCP's thaumaturgy theories are accurate.
For now we just need to contain this monster as best as we can, and let the researchers come up with better locks for its door.

« SCP-5315 | SCP-5316 | SCP-5317 »


NOTICE FROM THE FOUNDATION DEPARTMENT OF PATAPHYSICS
Due to recent developments, study and research of SCP-5317 has been transferred to the Department of Pataphysics. The following document, corresponding to the last revision by the Department of Anomalous Locations, will be kept as reference until an updated version is ready.
— Pierre Menard, Department of Pataphysics Director

Item#: 5317

Level3

Containment Class:
safe

Secondary Class:
none

Disruption Class:
dark

Risk Class:
caution

link to memo

Special Containment Procedures: Personnel assigned to SCP-5317 containment and research duty are to be administered regular doses of Class-W mnestics to counteract its antimemetic effects. An exclusion zone, 15 km in diameter, is to be enforced around SCP-5317. Any images of the Atacama Desert found in social and public media that might contain SCP-5317 are to be censored. SCP-5317 is partially self-contained, and thus no further measures are needed.
IMPORTANT NOTICE: No further expeditions into SCP-5317 are to be scheduled, by order of Dr. Menard.
Description: SCP-5317 is a tower located in the Atacama Desert, Chile, approximately 60 km away from the city of Copiapó, the closest population center. Direct observation of SCP-5317 has a mild cognitohazardous effect, making observers convinced that they ought not to be there, and that "something terrible will happen" if they reach the top floor. Furthermore, an antimemetic effect is present, erasing all memories of SCP-5317 after leaving its line of sight.
SCP-5317 has seven floors, which exhibit vastly different and anachronical architectural styles. While it appears that the entrances of each stairway leading from one floor to the next were sealed in the past via several mechanisms (both anomalous and nonanomalous), most of these seals appear to have been broken at some point in the past. The reason for this is unknown.
Several objects that appear to be linked to known Groups of Interest have been found during expeditions into SCP-5317. Dating of these objects is inconsistent, and no connections between these Groups of Interest and current or former inhabitants of the zone have been found.
Addendum 5317-1: Expedition Logs

Initial Manned Exploration Video Log Transcript

Date: 23/01/2007

Expedition Personnel: D-11424, exploration specialist

Mission Control: Dr. Lockhart, Department of Anomalous Locations, South American Division

[D-11424 turns on helmet-mounted camera and faces it, making a mocking salutation gesture before putting the helmet on]

D-11424: Are you sure this is not just another pet project of these artsy weirdos to mess with you, doc? I mean, wasn't your informant some defector from them or something?

Lockhart: Trust me, this is a possibility we are still considering. This seems like too much effort just to mess with us, though. And [REDACTED]1 hasn't given us reason to doubt them yet.

D-11424: Well, if I die here and my body turns out into some weird dadaist project, please tell those morons for me that such jokes were never cool, okay?

Lockhart: [slight chuckle] Noted.

[SCP-5317 appears on the mounted camera's field of view. The tower appears to be mostly black from the outside, with no real decorations besides some engravings resembling thorns.]

D-11424: Shit, the thing really looks ominous. I really feel like I should not be here. Are you sure we need to know what's inside, doc?

Lockhart: Afraid so. 11424, please take the mnestics now. We do not want you to lose focus here.

[D-11424 ingests a Class-W mnestic pill and proceeds towards the tower entrance. The doors appear to have been broken by a impact from a heavy, blunt instrument]

D-11424: Got to the doors, doc. These doors look as if they were made from… a giant beetle, or something? Chitin, is that the right word? It's sort of disgusting. Also, somebody got here before us, it seems. Somebody with a real distaste for beetl… what's this?

[D-11424 picks up a partially burned drawing notebook, with handwriting consistent with [REDACTED]2. D-11424 flips through the pages, with the camera catching glimpses of a sketched map of the nearby area, and a drawing of something resembling black, thorny vines restraining a flower resembling a spider lily3. Below the drawing, the words "TURN BACK" are visible.]

Digital reconstruction of the drawing found outside SCP-5317.

D-11424: Doc, are you really sure they aren't just trolling us? I should just turn back now, I don't trust these supposed artists at all. I bet they just want to make my blood turn into ink or something.

Lockhart: There are no signs of any kind of anomalous activity near the door, so it's probably completely safe to enter.

D-11424: "Probably"?

Lockhart: Probably. Please, just go inside. We will extract you if something goes awry.

D-11424: [sighs, then enters the building] Ewww, that's disgusting. It's full of these… tentacle-like things, like… fleshy, and rotten. All dead, it seems, but I won't take any chances. Those who wrecked the doors seem to be as much fans of squids as of beetles. Shall I take a sample?

Lockhart: Please do so. Also verify if there is something else of interest: writing, signs of whoever went inside before us, anything that could help us to understand the anomaly.

[D-11424 picks up a tendril and extracts a tissue sample, pocketing it afterwards. Later analysis would show that DNA is consistent with human baseline, and that the appendages contained an unknown form of paralytic venom. All tissue samples exhibit 100% cell death.]

D-11424: I suppose those were made to stop people from going further inside. Nothing of interest beyond those… things, here. Please tell me we can call it a day and stop now— who am I kidding, you won't, doc.

[A tingling noise is felt as D-11424 kicks a small shiny object. D-11424 picks it up]

D-11424: It's… a cog? Makes sense, this place looks like a disco for those flesh maniacs. Of course the mechanic dudes would come here to stop the fun.

At this point, connection with D-11424 was temporarily lost. After a few minutes, the camera feed resumed, but with diminished clarity. This is presumed to be due to the composition of the room.

D-11424: [slightly garbled] … ar me? Hello? Doc, are you there?

[Video feed shows a room coated in metallic plating, which is presumed to be the cause of the drop in communication quality. The metal appears to be severely corroded, and remnants of what appear to be a large amount of mechanical automata are visible.]

Lockhart: I hear you, 11424. We lost communication for a few minutes, it seems. Care to send the verification passphrase to make sure you weren't compromised? Also, what are you observing right now?

D-11424: [EXTRANEOUS INFORMATION REDACTED]. Right now, I'm in a room that appears to be entirely built by the metalheads. The only sort of people who would personally destroy a room of tentacles instead of just getting the fuck away from them. But then why did they build this here? It's like they… realized that the Sarkic dudes were right on something for once and threw something together to try to fix what they fucked up? [Brief pause as D-11424 looks around the room] Is that a sort of command center? Maybe that was what controlled all these robots before they were recycled into room decorations.

[The camera focuses on a badly damaged machine on a corner of the room. An automated sensor on D-11424's gear beeps loudly.]

Lockhart: 11424, whatever you do, do not get closer to the machine. The sensors inform us that there is some sort of biohazard there, possibly SCP-217. We might have to quarantine4 you when you return, just in case.

D-11424: Oh. Well. Fuck. [Pause] Well, if I'm fucked already, I suppose that I have nothing to lose by going to the next floor. That's what you were going to tell me anyways, no?

Lockhart: [Deep sigh] Go ahead, 11424.

Image of a constellation found on the third floor of SCP-5317.

D-11424: Wow, this floor looks like an observatory. I really can see the stars. Definitely not something those robot-obsessed fanatics would make.

Lockhart: Actually, our relationship with the Church of the Broken God has improved a lot during the past few years, as hard as it might be to believe. [Pause] We are not receiving any meaningful visual feed, it would be helpful if you enabled night enhancement mode while you explore the floor.

[The silhouette of D-11424 is seen adjusting their body camera. After the enhanced mode is activated, the floor, walls and ceiling can be seen to contain illustrations of several systems of stars, some matching known constellations. After taking a few steps, the camera shakes as D-11424 winces when looking at a specific constellation.]

D-11424: Shit!

Lockhart: Are you okay, 11424? What happened?

D-11424: It felt like somebody… squeezed my brain. I won't look there again, but maybe you can find out what this thing is, doc?

[D-11424 points the camera at a specific point in the wall, where one of the unknown constellations is located. The image appears unfocused for a second, before being automatically censored by the SCRAMBLE filter built-in into the video feed. There is some text written in a dark red substance covering the constellation.]

Lockhart: Oh. Ohhh. The SCRAMBLE filter marked it as a strong memetic kill agent. Whoever vandalized it probably saved your life, 11424. Can you move the camera closer so I can examine the text? Also, it would be a good idea to wear your SCRAMBLE goggles as well. There may be other memetic hazards around and not even you can try your luck so many times.

D-11424: I'm working for a weird fascist organization, in a job that involves having to run away from tentacle parrot monsters once a week or so. I wouldn't use the word "luck", doc. Although I have to admit it: half of the people I've met so far here have become parrot food in the end. And not just the D's. [Brief pause as D-11424 adjusts their equipment and moves closer to the image] Looks like pure gibberish to me, doc.

Lockhart: Ortothan. It essentially says "turn away". I suspect it's written in blood, then. Can you see if there is more text around?

D-11424: I'm currently tempted to consider the text written in blood as a higher authority than you at this moment, doc. But your concept of "end of contract" probably involves getting hunted by some task force or something, so… [D-11424 wanders around the floor, while several sections in the walls get marked as memetic kill agents in the video feed. All of them are censored by various messages in Orthothan] Let me guess. All of them say "leave" or something like that?

Lockhart: That would be correct. Without the SCRAMBLE gear, nobody could survive that many memetic kill agents at once, even if they are censored. Maybe you should proceed to the next floor? I can see the door to the stairway already in your feed. It appears broken, as well… that makes it four.

D-11424: Okay. Hey, doc, there is something out of place here. It looks like… paper?

[Camera feed points towards the floor, in which a large amount of scattered pieces of paper can be seen. Some appear to be folded into basic origami shapes, and most of them have been scorched or cut with some sharp instrument.]

Lockhart: Origami-based guardians are common in holy places for the Church of the Second Hytoth. But it doesn't make sense, what do they have in common with the Sarkics? Or the Mekhanites? Weren't it for the sheer amount of effort involved, I would be completely on board with your "art exhibition to mess with the Foundation" theory.

D-11424: Maybe it's a trap?

Lockhart: Maybe it's a trap. I will check with my superiors to see if it's possible to call off the expedition, this is starting to look like work for a Task Force by now.

D-11424: Fucking finally.

At this point, communications with D-11424 are put on hold as Dr. Lockhart contacts the Head Researcher for SCP-5317, Dr. Latorre. The request to end the mission is rejected, citing D-11424's previous experience in the field and the adequateness of their equipment.

D-11424: Sheesh. At least I'm halfway up there. Does this look like a church to you, doc?

[D-11424's equipment detects a spike in Akiva radiation upon entering the next floor. The floor is composed of marble, and the room has an architectural style similar in appearance to a Catholic cathedral, with wooden iconography associated to Christianity, Islam and Judaism present along the floor and walls. Columns containing small fountains of what appears to be holy water are present, in an arrangement similar to those used by certain exorcism rituals devised by the Horizon Initiative]

Lockhart: Are you religious, 11424? We detected a spike on Akiva radiation, that is, "faith", when you entered the floor.

D-11424: I suppose that is less of a personal question and more you wanting to make sure I'm not interferring with the sensors, doc. Then again, if there is a God you probably have it in a box at Site-77 or something, who knows. And if you don't, you probably have tried to.

Lockhart: In our defense, locking God in a box is probably safer than shooting Him down with a tactical nuke, after all. But that's something that would be above my clearance, perhaps even SCP-001 material or something.

[Camera focuses on what appears to be a large, broken cross sitting in the middle of the room. D-11424 moves closer to investigate]

D-11424: All burned down, it seems. This is not… standard Christian imagery, is it? Are those cicadas?

Lockhart: Definitely not native to the area, even discounting that you're in the middle of the desert. If we ignore the cicadas, this clearly seems to be a countermeasure against intruders in the style of the Horizon Initiative, but it's all broken down, just like in the floors below. Maybe these cicadas have something to do with it. Please bring a sample.

D-11424: Done. What is the leading theory, currently? The "art trolls" one, or the "I have no fucking clue what is going on" proposal?

Lockhart: I wish I had something else to give to you, 11424. If there isn't anything noteworthy left, I suggest you proceed to the next floor, as per Dr. Latorre's instructions.

D-11424: Oh yeah, the fifth floor. I know exactly what we are going to find there. This is going to be fun.

Lockhart: I daresay that tone is uncalled for, 11424. Now, hold on. I have a message from the head of another research department regarding our expedition. Won't be but a moment.

A section of the floor tiling in the fifth floor of SCP-5317.

Lockhart: Please verify that your SCRAMBLE gear is still operational. Hazardous memetic imagery is to be expected.

D-11424: As you can see, my sarcasm was perfectly called for. Obviously those lunatics were going to be in this floor, they couldn't let such an opportunity pass.

Lockhart: Enough, 11424. Please report what you are seeing, thank you.

D-11424: As you can see, this floor has the same general aesthetic sense you'd expect from any other lunatic who is obsessed with the number five. Five columns, each with an eye-like carving. Looking at the center of the room. And these tiles… I'll admit that the floor decoration looks neat, though. Still, I can't wait until that Menard dude convinces Latorre to let me go, doc. I'm now sure that I'm not supposed to be here.

D-11424: By the way, that's a strange name, no? "Pierre Menard". Isn't that the dude from Bor…

[Static obscures the end of D-11424's sentence. The camera pans along the floor, revealing five columns as described by D-11424. The floor is tiled with an aperiodic pattern closely resembling a Penrose tiling. The columns and the walls have designs resembling starfish, hands, and fractals with fivefold symmetry.]

D-11424: I think the countermeasures in this floor still work, somewhat. I feel this faint… pressure… in my brain, like… like I had spiders crawling there. Inside my brain, little five-legged ones. It gets worse when you get close to the center of the room.

Lockhart: It seems that this protection has been weakened, as well. Can you get to the center? If it gets too bad, we will just call out the mission, don't worry.

[D-11424 grunts in response, and walks towards the center. Above the center of the room there is an opening leading to the next floor, seemingly the only entrance. A piece of rope hangs from it.]

D-11424: There, I'm at the center. Haven't died as far as I can tell, so the fifth trap must be broken as well. Should I cli— what's that? It has your insignia, the three arrows thing. Let's see…

[The camera pans down to the bottom end of the rope. A Polaroid photograph is attached to it, with a pin bearing the SCP Foundation insignia. The photograph depicts a marriage ceremony; most of the image is obscured by what seems to be black smoke, but the groom and bride are clearly visible. D-11424 attempts to remove the pin or the photograph, to no avail.]

D-11424: Can't take it out. You will have to be satisfied with a photo of a photo. Mind you, this pressure sensation diminishes just a little bit when observing it. Are those people from the Foundation?

Lockhart: I have no information on that regard. They do not seem familiar, at least. Now, please proceed to the nex…

[A phone is heard. Communication is interrumpted as Dr. Lockhart answers.]

Lockhart: D-11424, I have just been informed that Dr. Menard will join us for the final part of the exploration, in representation of the Pataphysics Department. It appears that there is something of interest to them regarding SCP-5317.

Menard: I'm sorry for the interruption, but I need to make some observations to confirm my current hypothesis. Please, proceed to the next floor as instructed by Dr. Lockhart.

At this point, a small portion of the video logs (corresponding to a span of about five minutes) were lost due to storage media failure. The video resumes after D-11424 has accessed the sixth floor.

D-11424: … you mean by "narrative patterns"? That sounds like my English classes from highschool, when they talked about stories and fictions and whatever. Definitely nothing related to a ominous black spiky tower in the middle of nowhere.

Menard: It's more complicated than that. We narrate stories about ourselves daily: our memories, our journals, even our bank statements. Metafictional anomalies, supposedly limited to the realm of novels, can affect reality by proxy in this way. Doesn't mean our world is fiction or anything, though. Now, what do you see here?

D-11424: There is still a lot of snake imagery, doc. And books, although badly burnt— I think none of them has anything worthwhile now. Let's see this one… the only words I can distinguish are something like, eh, thaumaturgy? Warding rituals? But this one definitely doesn't do anything now; I haven't… spontaneously combusted or anything. There is a big pair of doors here, though. Shall I try to open them?

Menard: No. I do not recommend that.

Lockhart: 11424, please approach the door but do not try to open them. We still need more information to assert the nature of SCP-5317.

[D-11424 approaches the door, holding a portable Kant counter. Measurements indicate that the door has a Hume level of 1400% above baseline; theoretically, it would be impossible for any baseline human to interact in any meaningful way with it. The door is made of a unidentified black material, and has engravings resembling thorns and vines across its surface. Something resembling text is present in the door, but appears to have been intentionally obscured by the aforementioned engravings and is unreadable.]

D-11424: Did you even ask that anartist why they even tried to get here? Did they know this was going to be up here?

Menard: Doctor Lockhart, isn't it strange that an anartist defects to the Foundation, of all places? Did you investigate [REDACTED] before hiring them as a consultor? Their latest art projects?

Lockhart: They were very open about it, actually. "The art of containment". So, do you think…?

Menard: They wanted to study SCP-5317. This is… narrative containment. All of the narrative cues are there. Whatever is it behind this door, we will never know, by design. And it must stay that way. We should turn back now, and make sure that the story behind that door is never told.

There are no plans to send any further expeditions nor try to access the seventh floor.

[aaaaCC62SS GRAN---]

An old story, forgotten by many.
One shard of the god of flesh,
two thousand automata serving MEKHANE,
the guardians who stave off the third Hytoth,
they who were gathered by the four gospels,
the eyes who watch the stars die in fives,
and the six-fingered serpentine hand,
all gathered to seal the king in red robes,
away from his brides, to rot alone, forever.
His followers disbanded, his children are gone,
and yet he laughed, as his seals broke over,
and over,
and over,
and over,
and over,
and over again.
Sure of his return, of his triumph, he proclaimed:
"Seven brides, seven spears, seven gates for the Scarlet King!"
But the lady of black thorns was clever,
and sealed the king in his own tale,
the marks of his liberation becoming those of his demise,
and so, too late, he realized
that the number seven was never his.

Footnotes
1. An anartist currently working with the Foundation as a consultant. Their identity has been redacted for safety reasons.
2. See above.
3. Lycoris radiata.
4. No signs of SCP-217 infection were found on D-11424 upon their return.

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