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F.A.Q.

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Item #: SCP-5898
Object Class: Thaumiel (Formerly Explained)
Special Containment Procedures:

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SCP-5898-EX is to be remotely monitored from Site-91. No additional containment procedures are necessary.

Update 03/01/2020: After Incident-5898-A, SCP-5898-EX is to be remotely monitored from Barn-001 Barn-002.

Update 13/01/2020: Under no circumstances should Barn-002 be left unattended.

Update 30/01/2020, Current Containment Procedures: SCP-5898-PRIME is to be stored in Barn-003. SCP-5898-PRIME is to be used to counter the spread of SCP-████ whenever possible.

SCP-5898-EX.

Description: SCP-5898-EX is a male human. Documents found near SCP-5898-EX at the time of its discovery indicate its birth name is Ernest Whittaker, born July of 1960 in the North Kansas City Hospital. It should be noted that no copies of these documents have been located in the hospital, state, or national archives. Additionally, no relatives of SCP-5898-EX, living or dead, have been found. Investigations into SCP-5898-EX's personal life prior to its discovery in 2019 have yielded inconclusive results, although this may be due to its reclusive lifestyle as an agricultural worker.
All testing conducted on SCP-5898-EX1 has revealed it to be physically and biologically non-anomalous. However, a series of potentially anomalous events have occurred in close proximity to SCP-5898-EX since its initial discovery. As such, SCP-5898-EX was allowed limited freedoms under close supervision of its residence until the extent of its anomalous properties could be ascertained.
Following Incident-5898-B, SCP-5898-EX has been reclassified as Thaumiel. Refer to Addendum 5898.6 for further details.

Addendum 5898.1: First Contact

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Foreward: On 12/8/2019, SCP-5898-EX entered the Foundation front company "Smith & Charles Produce", 20 miles North of Kansas City. SCP-5898-EX then briefly spoke with Agents Langston and Kazinsky, who were present at the location, before being detained and transported to Site-91.
Agent(s) Present: Agent Brandon Langston, Agent Paul Kazinsky
Anomaly Present: SCP-5898-EX

[Begin Log]
Kazinsky: …and I told him, I told him "the worst day down in '91 is better than the best day up at Produce."
[Langston laughs.]
[A bell rings as SCP-5898-EX enters the store.]
Kazinsky: [Sighs] Welcome to Smith & Charles Produce, how can we help you?
SCP-5898-EX: Hey fellas, my name is Ernest, Ernest Whittaker. I live, maybe a half hour's drive up the road from here. I came by last week, but y'all were closed.
Kazinsky: That's uh… great, sir. Need help finding anything?
SCP-5898-EX: Naw, just wanted to let you guys know that I'm goin' be busy with some potentially dangerous Corn for a couple weeks, and I suggest steerin' clear of my property for a lil' bit.
Langston: [Laughs] I'll make a note of it, sir.
SCP-5898-EX: Oh, this is a serious matter, fella. This Corn could kill someone if I mess up, yessir. Seen it happen before. Hell, I was gonna stop by the police later. See if they can set up some kind of a perimeter or something.
Langston: What… exactly do you mean by "corn"?
SCP-5898-EX: A ghastly thing, sure is. Seen it take down a whole town in a matter of hours before. Even seen a bunch of government agents show up all Men-in-Black style one year when the Corn was 'specially bad.
Kazinsky: That's… odd.
[Kazinsky motions to Langston, who begins contacting Site-91 for assistance]
SCP-5898-EX: [Turning to leave] Anyways, just wanted to give y'all a heads-up.
Langston: [Quietly speaking into a handheld radio] Site-91? This is Langston over at Produce. We have a potential security breach, requesting back up…
[Kazinsky fumbles his belt for handcuffs.]
Kazinsky: Hang on sir, just hold right here for a minute.
SCP-5898-EX: 'Scuse me?
Kazinsky: I'm uh, just going to take you to around back for a few questions.
[Kazinsky approaches SCP-5898-EX, who is handcuffed and escorted to a secure holding cell in the back of the structure.]
[End Log]

Afterword: SCP-5898-EX complied with Agent Kazinsky's requests, and is detained for fifteen minutes, at which point additional agents arrive from Site-91. SCP-5898-EX is then transported to Site-91 for preliminary questioning. Agents searching the vehicle owned by SCP-5898-EX discovered several items of interest, including a birth certificate, photographs of possible relatives, and several dozen photographs, illustrations, and scientific papers of corn. Additionally, several partially damaged cobs of corn were found in the trunk. While analysis of the corn did not suggest a known cause for the damage, consumption was ruled out.

Addendum 5898.2: Interview Log

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Foreward: SCP-5898-EX was interviewed by Site-91 staff following standard humanoid testing protocols. As SCP-5898-EX tested non-anomalous in every test, SCP-5898-EX was placed in a standard interview room rather than containment. Interview is as follows.
Interviewer: Agent Sahra Penot
Interviewed: SCP-5898-EX

[Begin Log]
[Penot enters the interview room. SCP-5898-EX is seated, with its hands folded in its lap.]
Penot: Hello, Mr. Whittaker, is it?
SCP-5898-EX: That's right, ma'am. You can call me Ernest, though.
Penot: Alright, Ernest.
[Penot takes a seat opposite of SCP-5898-EX.]
Penot: Let's start from the top, shall we?
Penot: [Shuffling papers] Alright, have you seen anything… unusual lately? Disturbing, even?
SCP-5898-EX: Well, I lost my keys the other day. Spent the whole afternoon lookin' for 'em. Turns out, had 'em in my back pocket the whole time! If that's not supernatural, I don't know what is.
[SCP-5898-EX laughs]
Penot: That's… not what I meant. Do you have any interest in the paranormal?
SCP-5898-EX: [Pauses] No, I don't really care too much for that kind of stuff. I'll believe in Sasquatch when I see him, right? Though I am a big fan of the fiction. Makes for good movies.
[SCP-5898-EX laughs.]
Penot: I'm more concerned about the corn you mentioned earlier.
[SCP-5898-EX shifts in its seat.]
SCP-5898-EX: Oh, right. I don't want to bore you with a lecture, but me and this corn have a long history. Ever since I was a boy, I've been workin' with the plants. My father taught me how to farm. Showed me how to plant 'em, taught me patience, told me not to rush 'em, that they'd grow better that way.
SCP-5898-EX: Worked great until he passed away. Since then, the Corn ain't been what it used to. 'Stead of farmin' the corn, sometimes it feels like it's farmin' me.
Penot: What exactly is so special about this corn?
SCP-5898-EX: Biggest damn nuisance on the planet. Keeps me from livin' a normal life. Every year, I gotta come up with some new rigamarole, some new ritual to make it happy.Else it takes over.
Penot: And what happens then?
SCP-5898-EX: Well then I gotta go somewhere else. The Corn always seems to follow, though.
Penot: Do you have any samples of this corn for us to look at?
SCP-5898-EX: Not yet, no. They'll come up later in the year. Oh, and if the Corn isn't dealt with by me and me alone, things tend to go south real fast. That's what happened last year anyways.
Penot: What exactly happened last year?
[Silence]
Penot: Mr. Whittaker? Ernest?
SCP-5898-EX: [Panicked] They're sproutin' up, I can feel it. Been gone too long already.
Penot: Where? Where are they sprouting?
SCP-5898-EX: Should be at my farm. Please, I should get goin'.
Penot: Mr. Whittaker, I'm sending a team there to check it out now, just please stay calm.
SCP-5898-EX: Sorry ma'am, but I gotta go now.
[End Log]

Afterword: SCP-5898-EX attempted to leave the interview room. After finding it locked, it became increasingly agitated, at which point security was called. SCP-5898-EX was then restrained and moved to a temporary holding cell. SCP-5898-EX did not provide additional useful information following its relocation.
A team was dispatched from Site-91 to SCP-5898-EX's residence, an ~150-acre farmhouse. The property was searched, but no abnormalities were detected. Several stalks of corn were found emerging from the ground approximately 50 meters from the property's front entrance, but testing confirmed them to be non-anomalous.

SCP-5898-EX was held at Site-91 for twenty-four hours while the property was monitored. After no additional abnormalities developed, SCP-5898-EX was allowed to return to its residence.

Note From the Department of Containment
Due to Ernest Whittaker's knowledge of a potential anomaly, he would usually be required to undergo standard interrogation and given an appropriate amnestic before being released somewhere far away from here. However, due to his inability to provide concrete information on his situation, the Department of Containment has decided to refrain from typical protocol at this time.
Mr. Whittaker will be tentatively designated as SCP-5898-EX until an actual anomaly can be confirmed. He will be equipped with a tracking device and monitored closely via hidden cameras located in and around his residence by Site-91 staff, and allowed to undergo his normal daily routine. Should concrete evidence of an anomaly emerge, further action will be taken. Thank you for your understanding.
Alfredo Regio, Site-91

Addendum 5898.3: Incident-5898-A

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On 11/09/2019, all camera feed of SCP-5898's residence, both inside and outside, were reported to have undergone technical issues.
A team dispatched to investigate discovered unusually dense corn growth surrounding each camera. When questioned, SCP-5898-EX apologized for the incident, stating it "took a day off". When questioned further, it claimed it wouldn't let the plant growth "blindside" it again.
Samples collected from the corn revealed it to be non-anomalous, despite the high likelihood of an anomaly being responsible for the incident. As such, a monitoring station, designated Barn-0012, was constructed 100 meters from SCP-5898-EX's residence to allow for a quicker response from agents, should another incident occur, and to more closely monitor SCP-5898-EX's behavior to confirm any potential anomalies. SCP-5898-EX will be allowed to remain in its residence for the time being, as it claims "all hell will break loose" should it be prevented from completing its daily routine.
Following the incident, SCP-5898-EX has been observed tending to its farmland for increasingly longer periods of time each passing day, although it has yet to participate in overtly suspicious activity.

Addendum 5898.4: Timeline of Events

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The following is a timeline of notable events in relation to SCP-5898-EX following Incident-5898-A and the subsequent construction of Barn-001.

Event Date
Event Description
Additional Notes

13/11/2019
SCP-5898-EX observed spending 48 consecutive hours outside its residence watching a sprouting corn stalk. SCP-5898-EX occasionally made short trips into its home for food and water. After SCP-5898-EX returned to its residence, the corn stalk was analyzed and found to be severely dehydrated, but otherwise normal.
How the hell did this guy go for two straight days with nothing but some canned vegetables and sink water? Not to mention no sleep either? Notify me immediately if he does this again. - Lead Researcher Penot

24/11/2019
SCP-5898-EX reported leaving its residence and driving to a local Farm & Home Supply store. As staff prepared to intervene, a handwritten note was discovered on the exterior of Barn-001 reading: "Be back soon. Need to pick up weedkiller." Staff were instructed to observe SCP-5898-EX's behavior from a distance, but not to intervene unless necessary. SCP-5898-EX purchased one container of Roundup Weed and Grass Killer Concentrate Plus before returning to its residence.
For the record, we've never specified the location of Barn-001 to the subject. It's possible he could have seen one of our personnel entering or leaving the station during shift rotations, but I'm going to lean on the side of caution for now. New security measures are now in the works. - LR Penot

03/01/2020
SCP-5898-EX observed tampering with a hidden camera facing the front door of SCP-5898-EX's residence. All four on-duty security personnel were mobilized to halt SCP-5898-EX's behavior3. Upon returning to Barn-001, security personnel noticed severe corn growths had manifested in and around the structure.
This confirms the presence of an anomaly. I'm issuing an official statement to the DoC4 in Site-91 for SCP-5898-EX's reclassification and containment plan revision. Additionally, I'm ordering the construction of Barn-002, as Barn-001 is unusable in its current state. - LR Penot

13/01/2020
SCP-5898-EX attempted to enter Barn-002 but was halted by security staff before it could enter the building. Upon questioning its intentions, SCP-5898-EX insisted that "the Corn's gonna get rough soon," and that "the thing with the barn's just the start." SCP-5898-EX could not provide additional details and was subsequently returned to its residence.
I'm issuing a reminder to all staff that Barn-002 should not be left unattended at any point, in case SCP-5898-EX's right and we'll be seeing an increase in corn growth in the coming weeks. - LR Penot

15/01/2020
Sharp increase in corn growth detected over the course of several days. SCP-5898-EX observed yelling hysterics at large patches of corn. In such patches, growth was observed to slow for a period of time.
After several agents reported getting lost in "corn mazes" I'm recommending heightened caution when leaving Barn-002. - LR Penot

29/01/2020
After several days of no activity, SCP-5898-EX was observed exiting its premises wielding an improvised flamethrower. It then proceeded to burn various areas of dense corn growth before it was detained by security personnel. SCP-5898-EX was then held in Barn-002, awaiting transfer to Site-91 for violating the terms of its freedom5.
SCP-5898-EX's residence was thoroughly searched following this incident. I take full responsibility for our ignorance of SCP-5898-EX's activities. - LR Penot.

29/01/2020
Several minutes after SCP-5898-EX was placed en route to Site-91, an abnormally large cob of corn sprouted from within Barn-002, resulting in the structure's collapse. Several additional cobs of corn manifested in and around SCP-5898-EX's residence.
Containment Specialist here. Ordering the immediate return of SCP-5898-EX to its residence and the dispatch of burn crews to deal with the corn growth. Further instructions are being sent to all SCP-5898-EX staff. - Containment Specialist Drew Langly

Addendum 5898.5: Interview Log

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Foreward: SCP-5898-EX was interviewed following the sharp increase in the anomalous activity around its residence. This interview was held in hopes of identifying a way to counteract or otherwise limit the spread of the anomalous plant growth. Due to the short timeframe of the situation, the interview was held in a vehicle en route to SCP-5898-EX's residence.
Interviewer: Containment Specialist Drew Langly
Interviewed: SCP-5898-EX

[Begin Log]
Langly: [Shouting over the noise of the vehicle] Mr. Whittaker, can you tell me clearly what exactly is going on with the corn?
SCP-5898-EX: Say again?
Langly: [Louder] What's the deal with the corn!?
SCP-5898-EX: Oh, the Corn! I told y'all it was goin' get wild!
Langly: Clearly you don't have a grasp on the situation, or this wouldn't have happened! My team will take it from here, Mr. Whittaker!
SCP-5898-EX: Don't you worry fellas, I've got it all under control! I've figured out a way to keep the Corn out for good! I'm gonna have to head out pretty soon, Corn's a bit too close for my liking, but don't you worry! You'll be in good hands!
Langly: Oh, you're not going anywhere! You haven't given us a clear answer to a single one of our questions! As soon as this crisis is over, you can count on getting locked up for sure!
[End Log]

Afterword: SCP-5898-EX arrived at its residence along with a containment crew armed with standard-issue flamethrowers. Although available firepower would be sufficient to control non-anomalous plant growth, the containment crew was unable to deal significant damage to the corn due to its alarming rate of regrowth. Containment Specialist Langly delivered an emergency notice to Site-91, and additional resources were dispatched. SCP-5898-EX failed to provide useful knowledge to combat the plant growth during the incident.

Addendum 5898.6: Incident-5898-B

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Foreward: The following is a transcript of Incident-5898-B captured from the body-worn camera of Agent Paul Kazinsky.
Supervisor: Containment Specialist Drew Langly
Anomaly Involved: SCP-5898-EX

[Begin Log]
[All personnel arrive at the residence of SCP-5898-EX and disembark the transport vehicle. The entirety of the property is overgrown with corn. Several enormous cobs of corn are visible above the fields.]
Kazinsky: Alright, arch up, standard formation!
Multiple Voices: Copy!
Kazinsky: Squad, up ahead.
[Unintelligible]
Kazinsky: Yeah, over by the corn. Keep a distance, though.
[Unintelligible]
Kazinsky: Alright, prep flamethrowers. [To Langly] On your word, sir.
Langly: Mr. Whittaker, anything you want to say before we light this stuff up?
SCP-5898-EX: If y'all were payin' any attention, fire doesn't work too well. Give me another day and I'll sort this mess out, promise!
Langly: I've had enough of this. Kazinsky, fire away!
Kazinsky: You heard him. All units, fire!
[Several seconds of radio silence as the containment crew engages the corn growths. Damage sustained by the corn is mitigated by its anomalous regrowth.]
[Unintelligible]
Kazinsky: Look out! Watch our flank!
[Corn begins sprouting from beneath members of the containment crew.]
Kazinsky: Squad, fall back! We need more space!
Langly: What's happening, what's going on?
Kazinsky: Unknown, sir. I suggest you stay behind me─
[Langly, along with several members of the containment crew, are separated from Kazinsky by a dense wall of corn.]
[Unintelligible]
[An enormous cob of corn rapidly grows overhead, blocking out the sun.]
Kazinsky: Call for backup, quickly!
Unidentified: Can't, sir! Radio contact's lost!
[Unintelligible. Screams are heard before being abruptly cut off.]
Kazinsky: Brandon! Shit. Squad! Regroup!
[SCP-5898-EX is seen on the ground, clutching two cobs of corn.]
Kazinsky: Hey Whittaker! Get up! We're moving!
SCP-5898-EX: You've had your way far too long, ya hear! Wait ‘till ya get a taste of modern farmin'!
[A high-pitched screech is heard from an unidentified source.]
Kazinsky: The hell? Hey, watch out!
[Corn rapidly materializes around SCP-5898-EX, crushing it under its weight.]
Kazinsky: Leave him, we've got to move!
[Kazinsky turns to run, but is tripped by corn growth and falls, landing on his forearms.]
Kazinsky: Agh! [motioning] Go! Go on without me!
[Kazinsky rolls over, tearing corn growth from his body.]
Kazinsky: [Breathing heavily] Death by corn, eh? Not so bad…
[A bright light is seen emerging from underneath a mass of corn.]
Kazinsky: What the─
[The camera is obscured by white light. When clarity is restored, corn growths around Kazinsky have been substantially reduced. Projectiles of corn are seen being launched away, the source of which is an unidentified object obscured by white light.]
Kazinsky: What in God's name is…
[The light subsides, and a John Deere S700 Series Combine Harvester is seen materializing. The Harvester activates. No driver is visible.]
Kazinsky: How the Hell did that─ [audio is overpowered by the sounds of heavy machinery]
[Plant matter begins to rain down from corn stalks above. Several screeches are heard as plant growth congregates around the Harvester. After eight minutes, an explosion of light is seen and camera feed is lost.]
[End Log]

SCP-5898-PRIME shortly after the conclusion of Incident-5898-B.

Afterword: SCP-5898-EX displayed aggressive and potentially catastrophic properties during Incident-5898-B. Things would have gone poorly if it weren't for the appearance of an additional anomaly, which spontaneously manifested during the incident and automatically began neutralizing instances of anomalously altered plant matter. The object has since been contained and designated as SCP-5898-PRIME. Despite SCP-5898-PRIME's effectivity in eliminating said plant life, trace amounts of similar growths have been detected across the greater Kansas City area. As such, I am designating the anomalous corn growth as SCP-████6 . Containment procedures have been altered accordingly. As for SCP-5898-EX proper, we found no trace of it at the location of the incident. Until SCP-5898-EX can be located, it is to be listed MIA. If it's out there, we'll find it.

- Alfredo Regio, Site-91

The following is a handwritten note found affixed to the steering wheel of SCP-5898-PRIME after an examination of the object.

+ Open File

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See, I told you I got this under control!
Yours truly,
Ernest Whittaker
P.S. I'd take care of the Corn before the damn Crows show up.

Footnotes
1. Including hume and thaumaturgic/essokinetic capability tests. It should be noted that SCP-5898-EX scored slightly higher than baseline on the Cross-Dimensional Residual Energy test, although not high enough to warrant significant attention.
2. Named as such for ease of reference. Note: I know we didn't follow standard procedure on this one. If the name is an issue, let me know. I'd be happy to change it. - Lead Researcher Penot
3. SCP-5898-EX claimed to be doing so out of curiosity, stating it "thought the little thing was neat."
4. Department of Containment, specifically Alfredo Regio.
5. Specifically by being in possession of a weapon without the prior knowledge of security staff.
6. An investigation into a possible relationship with other corn based anomalies is currently underway.

« SCP-5897 | SCP-5898 | SCP-5899 »


Item #: SCP-5899
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-5899 is currently housed within a Transmutive-Euclid Humanoid Containment Chamber outfitted with standard amenities for a human. SCP-5899 is to be supplied with 1 kg of plastic once a day. Bovines are not to enter within 500 meters of SCP-5899's containment chamber.
Description: SCP-5899 is a Laotian-American male, 183 cm in height, who is capable of transmuting matter into organic matter and creatures superficially similar to members of the subfamily Bovinae, often with extreme physiological changes (hereafter referred to as SCP-5899-1 instances). To date, SCP-5899 has not created any nonanomalous member of Bovinae without significant changes to its physiology.
SCP-5899 was discovered within the town of Dance With Death, California, attempting to transform an individual's house into "a giant cow." Subject managed to transform the walls, roof, and several items within the house into creatures resembling different species of bovine. SCP-5899 stated it was doing this to settle a dispute. SCP-5899 and all SCP-5899-1 instances were transported to Site-551 for study.
SCP-5899 is passive and compliant with Foundation staff, and has agreed to not damage its containment chamber in exchange for a small amount of material to "experiment with" every day. Site Administration has chosen plastic for this exchange.
Addendum-1: Abridged Testing Log

Test #
Results
Statements by 5899

1
SCP-5899 transformed material into an SCP-5899-1 instance resembling a dairy cow with extremely large horns. Each horn is 3 meters in height and is black in color. Additionally, the instance did not possess a heart and instead had a third kidney in place of a heart. The instance was unable to carry the weight of these horns and died shortly after conception.
"Bah, too heavy. Forgot the heart too."

2
SCP-5899 transformed material into an SCP-5899-1 instance resembling a water buffalo with enlarged eyes and hooves and a smaller mouth. The SCP-5899-1 instance immediately vomited a mixture of stomach acid and blood while falling to the ground. The instance died shortly after.
"Horns are fine but now everything's all fucked up. Ugh."

3
SCP-5899 transformed material into an SCP-5899-1 instance resembling an African buffalo. Subject had no eyes or mouth, and was incredibly small for a member of its species. Despite this, the subject managed to live for several hours after conception, ultimately dying due to dehydration.
"Much better, much better, I think I got it this time!"

4
SCP-5899 transformed material into an SCP-5899-1 instance resembling an unknown species of bovine. The instance had seven eyes, three mouths, fifteen ears and eighty-seven anuses. Instance died immediately after conception.
"Nope, still fucked."

Addendum-2: Interview Log

INTERVIEW LOG

INTERVIEWED: SCP-5899
INTERVIEWER: Agent Jean
[BEGIN LOG]
Agent Jean: Excuse me, SCP-5899, do you have a moment?
(SCP-5899 is holding several handfuls of beef, which are purple in color.)(Silence)Agent Jean: Would be?Agent Jean: I'm confused by what you mean. Uh… we have some beef you can use as reference if you-Agent Jean: Excuse me?Agent Jean: I don't think I follow.Agent Jean: You… don't believe beef exists?
(Silence)Agent Jean: SCP-5899, I'm incredibly confused.(Silence)Agent Jean: What do you mean by, "they don't exist?"Agent Jean: We have footage and pictures of cows and… well, it wouldn't take much to just bring one to you.Agent Jean: B-Agent Jean: A-alright… excuse me for one moment, I need to get something.(Agent Jean exits the room. Silence for several minutes. Agent Jean returns with a slab of raw beef.)
Agent Jean: Here, here's some beef.
(SCP-5899 takes a look at the beef presented by Agent Jean.)Agent Jean: Wha-[END LOG]

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Oi, Jean, any luck?
Nope. He says that beef and cows "don't exist" and that he's trying to create them or something.
Weird. Like, what did he say about the beef you brought him?
He asked me why I brought human flesh in.
Huh…
Yeah, dude's insane, but not my job to worry about stuff like tha-
Jean, I need to show you something.
What?
Here, let me get my laptop.
…
What are you…
Just look at this.

« SCP-5898 | SCP-5899 | SCP-5900 »


https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:The_Little_Road_Tunnel_on_Norway.jpg

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F.A.Q.

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2/5901 LEVEL 2/5901
CLASSIFIED

Item #: SCP-5901

Safe

SCP-5901, circa 1998.

Special Containment Procedures: Access to SCP-5901 is to be denied to members of the public and the entrance to SCP-5901 is to be guarded at all times.
Containment procedures awaiting revision. See Addendum 5901.1 for context.
Description: SCP-5901 is officially known as the Heddeneset tunnel, built into the side of a mountain near the Bygland municipality, Norway. When exactly SCP-5901 was constructed is unknown, as no government records exist mentioning its development and no individuals that have been questioned on the subject have recalled ever working on its construction team. The Foundation was made aware of SCP-5901 in August of 1988 after numerous reports from locals were forwarded to the Foundation by Norwegian police regarding the sudden appearance of the tunnel.
Only one entrance to SCP-5901 has been located to date, and it is currently believed that SCP-5901 possesses impossible geometry. More specifically, an individual entering SCP-5901 from the confirmed entrance can continue through SCP-5901 and never reach an exit despite not gaining or losing any altitude. All attempts at finding additional entrances to SCP-5901 or exiting SCP-5901 through the confirmed entrance have been met with failure. Explorations into SCP-5901 have been permanently suspended due to a consensus among research staff deeming further study into SCP-5901 to be a waste of Foundation resources.
SCP-5901 has thus far exhibited no further anomalous effects. Containment procedures are to be maintained until further notice.
Addendum 5901.1: Incident Report
On April ██, 202█ at 0900 UTC, nine large, spherical objects composed primarily of granite were ejected from the entrance of SCP-5901 at high speeds. Due to the geography surrounding this entrance, all nine objects came to rest without causing significant damage to Foundation property or the surrounding terrain. Corresponding to the appearance of these objects, satellite imagery recorded the spontaneous appearance of five massive rings made of an unidentifiable material hovering above SCP-5901. Due to the threat that SCP-5901's new properties posed to the Foundation's maintenance of the Veil, an emergency meeting between regional containment specialists was arranged.
Several containment methods were considered to combat the manifestation of SCP-5901's new properties, including the wide-scale aerial deployment of amnestic drugs or the integration of amnestics into portions of the Bygland municipality's water supply to limit public knowledge of the massive hovering rings. These and all other typical methods of containment were deemed too costly due to the influence of SCP-5901 on the surrounding area, and it was decided that nonstandard containment protocols could be discussed.
At the suggestion of Containment Specialist Kenneth Alan, a course of action was agreed upon, and instructions were disseminated to containment staff. The agreed protocol involved dispatching several heavy-duty cargo helicopters to airlift and release the spherical objects from the entrance of SCP-5901 to the smallest and innermost ring hovering above SCP-5901. It should be noted that all spheres dematerialized after passing through the target ring. Staff involved with the containment protocol described hearing a high pitched electrical beep every time a sphere was lowered through the ring, but electrical equipment failed to record anything of value.
Immediately after the dematerialization of all nine spheres, the five rings above SCP-5901 also dissipated. They were replaced by a proportionally large message written in English, spanning several kilometers in length. The message, which was described as glowing a bright red hue, is recorded below for posterity.

+ Open Document

- Close

Congratulations!!!
New High Score!
Please Enter Name…

Further deliberation must be held before a proper course of action can be determined. Containment Specialist Alan has been authorized to voice additional nonstandard containment strategies that would otherwise be dismissed.

« SCP-5900 | SCP-5901 | SCP-5902 »


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Item#: 5902

Level3

Containment Class:
keter

Secondary Class:
none

Disruption Class:
ekhi

Risk Class:
notice

link to memo

Special Containment Procedures: Foundation intelligence operatives are to investigate workplace accidents, abnormal or nonsensical trade alterations, potential 5902-A sightings, and any and all mention of a "Department of Administration" appearing with insufficient context. If infiltration is suspected, a division of Distributed Task Force Psi-2 ("Two Weeks Notice") is to be mobilised to the location, and if confirmed, terminations of employment and/or life are authorised. Personnel are to practice high-risk identification self-checks to ensure that any terminated persons are indeed instances of 5902-A, and not simply civilians expressing abnormal workplace behaviour. In cases where SCP-5902 has progressed too far to be easily extricated, a corporate buyout by a Foundation front company will be attempted, with 5902-A subsequently integrated and handled as per protocol (see History and State of Containment).
In areas with high incidence of SCP-5902 infection (see Document 5902-K), at least one smooth, vertical shaft (~2 metres in diameter, >3 metres in length) is to be installed in an accessible location, preferably a Foundation-owned warehouse or area of waste ground. The inspection of the bottom of this shaft is to be covertly amended to the legal requirements of every employed person in the area in question, in such a way as to constitute a duty of employment. 5902-A instances that accumulate in these shafts are to be terminated monthly.
Description: SCP-5902 is a recurring logistical and bureaucratic phenomenon which emerges within existing organizations and parasitizes them, disrupting their normal activities until dissolution if left unaddressed. SCP-5902 has appeared within private businesses, schools, public organizations, and governmental agencies worldwide, with predictable patterns of emergence and propagation.
Emergence of individual instances or “cells” of SCP-5902 follows an identifiable pattern, which progresses in distinct stages.
Stage 1: Documentation
The first indication of an organization's infiltration by SCP-5902 is the least immediately noticeable, as symptoms are generalized and easily attributed to mundane causes such as clerical error or criminal activity. Inconsistencies will begin to appear within the host organization's recordkeeping, at any level from shipping reports to payroll ledgers. These will generally be mathematical in nature, with output or input figures not correlating as expected. If unnoticed and unaddressed, these errors will propagate and develop into more outlandish disruptions and fabrications, i.e. entire sections of internal databases being altered, funding being diverted to divisions that do not exist, and nonsensical material orders.1 While disruptive and costly in terms of man-hours, these changes are reversible if noticed, and timely correction of these errors will prevent an SCP-5902 cell from progressing further, resulting in its disappearance within a number of weeks.2
If these errors are not addressed and continue to propagate, eventually the host organization's records will be altered to directly reference a hitherto-nonexistent organizational subdivision, termed “The Department of Administration”. This name is consistent across each manifestation, and its appearance anywhere within the host organization's records signifies that SCP-5902 infection has progressed to Stage 2.
Stage 2: Employment
Approximately 45-60 days from time of initial infection, the host organization will begin to gain new “employees”, none of which are recorded as having previously belonged to the host organization for any amount of time. These new “employees”, termed here 5902-A, are very easily identifiable by the preexisting true members of the host organization, due to a number of highly distinguishable shared characteristics, a summarized list of which follows.

The contents of every identification card carried by 5902-A.

Appearance: Every instance of 5902-A is visually human, and can appear in any combination of genders, ethnicities, or body types, with no regard for the societal context of the host organization in which they appear.
Attire: All 5902-A wear formal business attire, i.e. slacks, ties, jackets, pantsuits, skirts, et cetera, largely monochrome in color. All shirts worn by 5902-A are white, and outer garments are gray to black with no conspicuous patterns or fabric styles. Ties worn by 5902-A may be colored but are generally simple, being a single color with no pattern. Jewelry such as necklaces or earrings may be present, but will be subdued in fashion. In addition, each 5902-A wears a pair of sunglasses of random but unobtrusive style, each sufficiently tinted to conceal the eyes. This standardized dress code is consistent across all 5902-A, regardless of the instance's place of employment or attempted duties, such as heavy machinery repair aboard an offshore oil rig, loading equipment operator in a coal mine, or meat handler at a butcher's shop.
Demeanor: 5902-A are even-tempered, unopinionated, professional, and polite. These characteristics can occasionally allow a 5902-A to pass unnoticed for a brief period of time depending on the context of their “employment”, until the inevitable moment that the host organization's true employees begin to find them offputting or unnerving. 5902-A do not appear to possess the capacity for casual conversation beyond simple, near-contentless statements, such as remarks upon the weather or immediate workplace surroundings. They have never been observed to make facial expressions or to make statements concerning things such as personal feelings, politics, sports, popular media, or even specifics of the workplace position they are ostensibly intended to occupy.
Incompetence: To date, no observed 5902-A instance has shown more than a superficial, passing knowledge of their “employment” position at most, with the majority showing no familiarity whatsoever with their claimed role. If questioned, a 5902-A will always insist that they are duly employed by the host organization, but will be unable to produce proof, such as a pay stub, company identification card, a registered account with the organization's computer system, or even the name of the institution they claim is currently employing them3. If in a subordinate position, a 5902-A will always attempt to comply with any orders given to them by a superior, but these attempts invariably end in failure, or in some cases outright disaster, leading to workplace accidents of extreme cost or loss of life.

Due to this set of highly conspicuous attributes, a considerable majority of 5902-A instances are ejected from the host organization's premises immediately upon discovery. Once separated from their place of “employment”, 5902-A simply demanifest. This normally takes place when the entity is not being observed by the general populace, but sometimes occurs in full view of the public, contributing to persistent rumors and urban legends of so-called “men in black” or “g-men”.
The likelihood of a 5902-A being discovered is inversely proportional to the size of the infected institution - a very large building with thousands of employees may allow a 5902-A to remain unnoticed and “multiply”. Through a currently unknown process, one 5902-A left in place will lead to more appearing. “Appear” is used literally here - review of security camera footage after an 5902-A's removal often shows the entities simply stepping out of an unoccupied bathroom, crawling out of a ventilation shaft, or manifesting from nothing in plain view of the cameras, normally at night after the conclusion of working hours.
Once all 5902-A have been removed from an organization and all mention of the “Department of Administration”4 have been erased from the host institution's records, the SCP-5902 infection will fall into remission and eventually disappear as described previously. If a group of 5902-A is permitted to exist within the host for a period of time between two and three months, they will eventually anomalously acquire documentation proving their legal existence and giving them indisputable legal claim to authority within the host, whereupon SCP-5902 infection proceeds to Stage 3.
Stage 3: Incorporation
Once 5902-A have been anomalously equipped with their fabricated proof of legal existence and proof of employment, they will begin to leverage their authority within the host institution. Incoming instances of 5902-A will claim positions of greater administrative power, and will by this point be able to demonstrate proof of holding this position, if not any actual knowledge or skills to corroborate the claim. 5902-A in subordinate positions within the organization will suddenly rise to higher ranks in the wake of superior 5902-A dismissing the host organization's original non-anomalous employees. These terminations5 often result in lawsuits or other legal attention, but are generally not able to apply sufficient scrutiny to a SCP-5902 infection in a manner timely enough to prevent its metastasization.
This process will continue until none of the original employees of the host organization remain, with all the institution's documentation and licenses legally altered to reflect the change in management. In cases of smaller hosts with a single owner, the proprietor is removed via an aggressive buyout from an external group of 5902-A masquerading as venture capitalists, or via seizure from one or more 5902-A occupying the guise of government officials. The specific methodology varies, but each strategy is accompanied by enough corroborating documentation to ensure sufficient legality for the infection to proceed.
At this stage, the 5902-A can still be rebuked, such as through legal maneuvering6 or by simple physical force, whereupon each entity can be removed and the SCP-5902 infection can be reversed, as described above. If the entire host organization falls under the sole ownership and operation of the “Department of Administration”, SCP-5902 proceeds to Stage 4.
Stage 4: Rupture and Deployment
Any previously operational establishment operated wholly by 5902-A will quickly become insolvent, as 5902-A do not possess the experience, knowledge, intelligence, or apparently even the desire necessary for the administration of any property they acquire. The entities will make attempts at perpetuating the stated purpose of whatever institution falls under their control, but it will eventually fail due to a combination of general incompetence and gross negligence, occasionally leading to highly publicized disasters such as refinery explosions, factory fires, or shipwrecks.
During the interim between acquisition and destruction, the number of 5902-A within the “Department of Administration”-owned organization will continue to grow. 5902-A in positions of superiority will begin giving orders to subordinates that involve some form of outreach, be it a form of advertising, direct mailers, or even sending 5902-A to homes and other businesses for a variety of purposes, most of which do not pass even cursory scrutiny. These initiatives are the vector through which SCP-5902 spreads. A letter from an infected business mentioning the interests of a “Department of Administration” or permitting a 5902-A into one's residence can result in the site of a new cell of SCP-5902, via a process presumed to be a form of memetic or bureaucratohazardous contagion. An example of one such attempt follows.

Date: September 9th, 2019
Media Origin: Household security camera footage confiscated from the home of Matteo and Margaret Marquez, a retired couple in Albuquerque, New Mexico

(Security camera POV is above the upper right corner of Mrs. Marquez's front door. Two men approach Mrs. Marquez's front door from the sidewalk. One, designated here as Alpha, is muscular, bald, and of medium height, with a purple tie and earrings. The other, Beta, is very tall and overweight, with short hair, a long beard, and a blue tie.)
(Both men reach the house's front step, extend their hands, and knock on Mrs. Marquez's door, simultaneously, with identical rhythm. After a brief pause, Mrs. Marquez opens the door out-of-frame.)
Mrs. Marquez: O-oh! Well hello there. Can I help you gentlemen?
Alpha: Good morning7, ma'am. My name is Theodore Taft Hoover, and this is my colleague Condoleezza Washington. I am not carrying a weapon. My colleague is also not carrying a weapon. We represent the Department of Administration. We did not call ahead to inform you of this impromptu inspection. It is impromptu. Also, we do not know your telephone number.
(Pause.)
Mrs. Marquez: I'm… sorry, you said you're with who? The department of what?
Alpha and Beta: (Simultaneous) The Department of Administration.
Mrs. Marquez: I'm sorry boys, you'll have to bear with me. Administration of what, exactly? Are you with the city?
(Both men trade a brief glance.)
Alpha: Yes. We are with the city. This is a routine inspection.
Mrs. Marquez: An inspection of what? This seems very unusual, normally the maintenance people call ahead of time if they need to look at anything.
Beta: You seem skeptical, ma'am.
Mrs. Marquez: (Scoff) Well, yes I suppose I am!
(Alpha and Beta reach into their inside jacket pockets, and each remove flip-top ID cases. They hold the cards up for Mrs. Marquez. Both are identical - a black field with a white square, no text.)
Beta: Be thou skeptical no longer, citizen. Look upon the sigil. Feel its great energies. We are on… official business.
(A single tear leaves Beta's left eye, rolling down its cheek and into its beard. Its facial expression does not change. Alpha regards Beta for a moment, then turns back to Mrs. Marquez.)
Alpha: That should clear everything up. We apologize for any confusion this may have caused. If this apology does not apply to you, disregard it.
(Alpha and Beta replace their identification. There is a pause.)
Mrs. Marquez: … Is this some kind of prank? Is this the new thing the kids get up to when they're bored, or something? I don't have time for this, gentlemen. Go bother someone else.
Alpha: This is a routine inspection, ma'am. It is imperative that you let us into your home.
Beta: It is nearly Integration Day. Unless you would prefer to face the Infinite Interregnum alone.
(Alpha looks at Beta once more, but says nothing.)
Mrs. Marquez: Bigger thugs than you have tried, boys. Well… maybe not bigger than him, but pretty big. Get off our property before I call the police.
(The door closes. Alpha and Beta regard one another for a moment. Alpha turns around and starts down the sidewalk. Beta kneels, rolls up the Marquez's welcome mat, and walks away while attempting to stuff it into its jacket pocket.)
Shortly after this incident, High Mesa Electric Company8 suffered catastrophic fires at each of its regional substations, as a result of 5902-A attempting to replace most of the substations' primary wiring insulation with ham.

History and State of Containment: The Foundation has been infected by SCP-5902 for approximately 150 years, with initial site of contamination theorized to be a regional Foundation dispatch center located beneath an abandoned textiles factory in London, circa 1869. As the Foundation is one of if not the largest contiguous organization of its kind or any other kind on Earth, countermeasures against SCP-5902 infection and reinfection were eventually deemed so expensive that SCP-5902's containment procedures were reconfigured to simply allow it to exist within the Foundation in a controlled capacity.
As the scope of the Foundation grew, several attempts were made to use 5902-A as D-Class personnel in a testing capacity, both to study the specifics of SCP-5902's properties and as a cost-saving measure. Predictably, each of these initiatives ended in failure, as 5902-A are generally incapable of following even basic instructions, and all tests which require a modicum of psychological presence or intelligence yielded scientifically inadmissible results.
Today, a single cell of SCP-5902 exists as a part of one personnel intake depot in Wyoming, with station policy altered slightly to account for SCP-5902's presence. This cell exists to prevent 5902-A infection elsewhere within the Foundation9 and as a platform for ongoing SCP-5902 study and containment. 5902-A “employees” at Personnel Intake Command 99 are permitted to do unskilled labor such as janitorial work,10 and are occasionally dispatched to containment sites housing anomalies that require human meat as sustenance or to participate in containment operations that require human sacrifice.11

5902-Prime, the oldest extant representative of “The Department of Administration”

The initial infection vector of the Foundation's SCP-5902 cell still exists,12 and has been in Foundation custody for approximately 150 years at the time of this document's creation. As 5902-A entities take on titles and personae of greater authority as they persist within a SCP-5902 cell, this specific instance now refers to itself as “Infinite Cosmic Governor Sir Lord Edmund Julius Nonius Livingstone de Omnimond”, or simply “Lord Livingstone”. This instance has been designated 5902-Prime for ease of documentation. 5902-Prime, or “Edmund Livingstone” as he was first described, was initially thought to be a spy from a rival institution when first discovered, and upon further interrogation led to the identification of SCP-5902 itself. Other 5902-A refer to 5902-Prime as “The Administrator”, and Foundation researchers allow it to lead small squads of other 5902-A in the performance of menial chores about the facility, which seems to have a positive effect on 5902-A cooperation and morale.
SCP-5902 has breached containment from Personnel Intake Command 99 on multiple occasions, but as all elements of SCP-5902 contamination are easily identified and neutralized, the Foundation is currently under no threat of internal alteration as a consequence of SCP-5902 influence. Containment breaches from PIC99 are also of much lower frequency than infection rates observed by SCP-5902 cells in situ, resulting in comparatively inexpensive containment efforts. This is believed to be due to current containment guidelines allowing for 5902-A access to stimulating “busywork”, as well as the comforting, authoritative, and inexorable presence of 5902-Prime.

Footnotes
1. Thousands of severely outdated graphing calculators, one dozen forklifts for a small accounting firm, two hundred pizzas, etc.
2. Between two and four in all observed cases thus far.
3. The entity may show an “identification card”, but this is never an official identification document, and is instead always a laminated black card with the emblem of an equilateral white square, with no accompanying text. The significance of this emblem is currently unknown.
4. Which each 5902-A claims to also be a member/representative of, with no further explanation and regardless of whether their belonging to a separate institution would interfere with their other assumed duties
5. Usually given without cause, or occasionally with a nonsensical cause, such as “insufficient number of staplers digested this quarter”, “body composed of an odd number of molecules”, or “aesthetically distressing”
6. Typically by taking advantage of 5902-A's overall existential incongruity when examined by enough third parties
7. The timestamp of this footage reads 17:12.
8. The administrative offices of which were less than seven miles from the Marquez residence
9. As SCP-5902 has never been observed to place a second infection site within a host organization
10. Under armed supervision
11. In all observed cases thus far, 5902-A are treated as human by every anomaly which necessitates terminal human involvement as part of its containment or upkeep. The significance of this is a subject of ongoing study.
12. As 5902-A have never been observed to undergo senescence or contract illnesses

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F.A.Q.

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Removing an SCP-5903 instance.

Item Number: SCP-5903
Class/Clearance: Keter/Four
Special Containment Procedures: Surveillance measures in order to detect members of 5903-OUT are currently in place, involving intense nationwide scrutiny including, but not limited to:

Regular sweeps of at-risk patient files, and the propagation of the idea of birthmarks similar to those found on 5903-OUT instances being cancerous and requiring treatment, at which point Foundation thaumaturgic experts will remove SCP-5903 instances from the digestive system.
Sporadic purchases of fruits in areas fulfilling SCP-5903 requirements.
Cameras placed in major metropolitan areas in order to detect 5903-OUT instances.
Farms within Northern India are to be routinely scanned, and a random selection of plants should be removed in order to detect the presence of SCP-5903 instances.

Further large-scale actions are to be approved on a case-by-case basis.
In the event of a manifestation of 5903-OUT symptoms, local agents are to be mobilized to neutralize the instance, extract consumed instances of SCP-5903 from the -OUT instance's bowels, and destroy them. The use of class-A amnestics has been approved for these operations.
Current top priority is the determination of the location of SCP-5903's source.
Description: SCP-5903 refers to small, organic globules that replace the seeds of fruits commonly grown within Northern India. These globules appear to mainly consist of flesh, bones, and teeth — the specific type varies, though the source is typically ungulate or human in nature. The presence of these globules poses no threat to the plant on which they are found, and have no adverse effects on the taste, texture, or ripening of the fruit in which they are located. Instances of SCP-5903 taste like the flesh of its host fruit; this often results in the unwitting consumption of SCP-5903 instances by herbivorous or omnivorous creatures.
Upon consumption of two or more SCP-5903 instances, subjects will undergo a variety of biological mutations and growths via thaumaturgic means. The specific process is attached below.

The host will develop a tumor-like growth under the deltoid muscles, which frequently pulsates and changes shape. The portion of the spine that is covered by this growth will spontaneously grow into this tumor, forming a shape similar to that of a embryonic body.
Flesh from the host will graft itself onto this new skeleton, and flesh from an unknown source will replace that which is lost, eventually forming a vaguely humanoid form attached to the host, back-to-back.
The new entity will develop vital internal and external organs, along with external keratinous bodies in an exact copy of the host. However, these entities will always have only one kidney.
The host will be drawn via the remnants of the initial tumor-like growth into the new body, leaving just one entity, as its remaining organs, bone, and flesh is removed via unknown means. The new body will have no wounds, and consist of otherwise nonanomalous material bearing a genetic resemblance to the original contents of the consumed SCP-5903 instances.
The remaining entity will have the exact same mannerisms and personality of the original host, save for a large crescent-shaped birthmark at the location of the original tumor. Development of psychokinetic abilities have been seen in a majority of cases. Due to this possibility, and likely lack of control of these abilities, new entities are to be treated as major threats. The consumed SCP-5903 instances are present in place of the missing kidney.
These entities, known as SCP-5903-OUT instances (or members of the "OUT" group), will then return to the daily life of the original host with initial difficulty given a lack of memory.

-OUT instances display a resilience to harm via natural means — in the event of injury, flesh will spontaneously regenerate at anomalously fast speeds, and the effects of aging are drastically decreased in severity. The only confirmed method of rapidly neutralizing an -OUT instance is the removal of the SCP-5903 instances.
SCP-5903 instances are only distributed in high-volume areas of Northern India, primarily in the Punjab region. Many farmers grow SCP-5903 instances in their crop rotations, primarily due to them reportedly having purchased instances for seeding at significantly discounted costs from unknown black-market vendors and the fact that plants grown from SCP-5903 instances require up to 95% less water over their lifetime, as the Punjab region undergoes severe droughts. Both of these factors make SCP-5903 highly likely to be planted by farmers in affected regions.

Addendum - SCP-5903-OUT Developments

The following note was being distributed alongside SCP-5903 in a small stand in Ludhiana, Punjab.

To those whom it may concern,

We are struck with many regrets to learn of the problems striking our farming community here.

Our fellow Sardars are losing strength. The water is leaving. Many of our people have been lost, to famine, to thirst, or to their own hands. But, we come to provide you a solution. There are three options we are here to present you with.

The first is to condemn yourselves to your pitiful current existence.

The second is to plant these fruits of divine labor. They grow very quick, and soon your family's bodies will be bursting with power.

The last, which can be done in conjunction with the previous; take but two of the following. Strength shall return to you anew.

The House of the Naga1

Attached is the event from which the following note was found, which was the first recorded instance of a SCP-5903-OUT instance turning violent.

The cracked software market in Ludhiana, Punjab before the event was captured by cameras placed on a Foundation front store.

[The SCP-5903-OUT instance, a 12 year old boy, is walking around in an open air market in Ludhiana, Punjab. Due to the crowded nature of these markets, he is bumped into by 32-year-old Venkat Randhawa on a bicycle. The boy falls, but rights himself by manipulating his body psychokinetically. No one notices.]
SCP-5903-OUT: Are you crazy?
Randhawa: Watch where you're going!
SCP-5903-OUT: No, you look.
Randhawa: Shut up, if you know what's good for you.
SCP-5903-OUT: Bitch.
Randhawa: What'd you say?
SCP-5903-OUT: I said "bitch."
[Randhawa's hand slaps himself repeatedly. A variety of items are tossed at Randhawa, before he is thrown into a wall, resulting in a concussion, among other major injuries to both Randhawa2 and bystanders. The SCP-5903-OUT instance was later neutralized.]

Given the first violent encounter with a SCP-5903-OUT instance, Foundation resources were focused on the creation and testing of SCP-5903-OUT instances to determine an effective way to control and locate instances before violence occurs.

Test
Result

#1: SCP-5903 was consumed by a 33-year-old male D-Class. Following effects of consumption, subject was then directed to touch a small button on the opposite wall with a mannequin's hand.
Subject successfully performed the test, and then was directed to repeat it with buttons placed around the room. Subject eventually grew tired, and was standoffish with Foundation personnel. Subject was neutralized without substantial damage.

#13: SCP-5903 was consumed by a 21-year-old female D-Class, for the purpose of screening the body after the effects of consumption.
Subject was screened with a variety of devices in order to effectively determine the location of consumed SCP-5903 instances, including metal detectors, x-rays, and a full-body thermal scanner. Subject was placed in solitary confinement until further notice, following total compliance with orders.

#34: SCP-5903 was consumed by a 41-year-old male D-Class. Following effects of consumption, subject was directed to destroy a small table in the opposite side of the room.
Subject was unable to produce any significant form of controlled psychokinetic abilities, while passive abilities3 remained active. Subject was later placed into tentative solitary confinement.

#42: SCP-5903 was consumed by a 52-year-old male D-Class. The subject was a lifelong vegetarian with an accommodated diet changed to ensure no contact with meat during testing. Subject was told of the contents of SCP-5903 after successfully transfiguring into an SCP-5903-OUT instance.
Subject violently destroyed furniture present in the testing environment, yet refused to injure personnel, instead choosing inanimate objects as the target of destruction. Subject was later neutralized as personnel feared for their life.

Following these tests, focus was shifted to preventative measures.

Access SCiPNET Email? One (1) new message!

HELLO, RES. OAKTON.

To: Researcher Clay Merritt
From: Researcher Inderjit Oakton
Subject: 5903

Merritt:
We have yet to find another violent SCP-5903 instance. The team's developed a couple of hypotheses as to why:

SCP-5903 bonds to a host due to some currently unknown confounding factor, such as genetics or environmental exposure.
Those naturally predisposed to consuming SCP-5903 innately carry some level of resistance to SCP-5903's effects.
Those naturally predisposed to consuming SCP-5903 display a higher level of control over developed abilities.

Given the high cost of testing involving SCP-5903, as well as the significantly high manpower involved in containing and locating individual hosts, I'd move for a reconsideration of current methods of testing. It's not worth it, given the risk posed to the Veil.
- Inderjit

To: Researcher Inderjit Oakton
From: Researcher Clay Merritt
Subject: Re:5903

Inderjit -
Look. It's difficult, I understand. A bit fruitless. But, I want you to think about the havoc we've seen these do. Have you heard of the sword of Damocles? How there was the sword always hanging over his head, constantly posing a threat. That's exactly how I feel. How the world feels now. You never know if or when they may strike. Each one of those… things, is a possible person-shaped time bomb. Not. A. Person. I don't like it as much as you do, but it's in our best interest.
- Merritt

To: Researcher Clay Merritt
From: Researcher Inderjit Oakton
Subject: re:5903

Merritt:
It's not worth it. I've dug around. Ignoring the literal sole time that violence has occurred, do you know how many of these OUT instances we've found? 57. Do you know how many we made? A whopping 48. And out of those, only 1 has turned naturally violent, and even then, it's clear as fucking day that they were provoked. Don't "Sword of Damocles" me when we're killing people ceaselessly. What about their personality? How they act? It'd be damn near-difficult to actually tell anyone apart.
- Inderjit

To: Researcher Clay Merritt
From: Researcher Inderjit Oakton
Subject: re:5903

Inderjit -
It's for the greater good. Think of it — in the future, what if an OUT instance causes major mass destruction, and we weren't there to take it down, because we didn't know how they worked? Or, say, where the fruit was in their body? We only know both of these things because of this. It may occur. Even you can't guarantee it'll never occur. So till then, measures will stay exactly as high as they are now. As long as the risk exists, we will scan and screen, randomly.
They're not people, Inderjit. They're cows, or a cow-sheep hybrid, or god forbid something else involving a bloody giraffe. It's in the name of security.
- Merritt

« Lo! Behold the Tiger! | IN SAFFRON SANDS | Last Train Home »

Footnotes
1. GoI-1984, primarily based in the Indian subcontinent, which typically attempts to ensure the safety of Indian citizens via vigilantism, utilizing psychokinetic abilities, and thaumaturgic abilities.
2. Randhawa was taken to a local hospital and died due to internal bleeding sustained from these wounds.
3. Such as injury recovery.

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SCP-5905 "Gashadokuro" written by: ManyMeats
Credit where credit is due to Shigeaki Yamauchi's "World's Bizarre Thriller Complete Works 2: Monsters of the World" (1972) which is where the yokai known as Gashadokuro first appeared. Being a ravenous fan of mythology, I was happy to have consumed this idea for nightmare fuel and regurgitated it into this, even if it's a "modern creation" versus other myth and legend.
~ManyMeats's Author Page~

4/5905 LEVEL 4/5905
CLASSIFIED

Item #: SCP-5905

Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-5905 is contained in a sensitive materials vault at Site-17. The consumption of any type of food or water, including those required for medical or emergency purposes, is strictly prohibited within five meters of SCP-5905. The study of SCP-5905 is limited to secondary sources only.
All known instances of SCP-5905-1 have been destroyed. If additional instances of SCP-5905-1 should be encountered, all directives and priorities below Code Black are rescinded until the entity's destruction has been confirmed.
Description: SCP-5905 is a leather-bound grimoire recovered from the Huang Shui basin in Qinghai, China. This book details the treatment of prisoners, the preparation of objects of sacrifice, and a number of other ritualistic practices of an unclear cultural origin. Prolonged exposure to SCP-5905 causes hyperstimulation of the hypothalamus, resulting in accelerated metabolism and dramatically increased feelings of hunger and thirst. The book describes this effect as the "Purity of Consumption" and encourages exploration of these feelings by practitioners.
Within the pages of SCP-5905 is a ritual that is believed to be responsible for the creation of instances of SCP-5905-1. Due to ethical concerns, this cannot be verified.

Addendum.1: Incident Log

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[2015.02.28]
Foundation Site-36 received an urgent distress call from joint Chinese and GOC forces operating in the Qinghai province. Rapid response teams were dispatched while drone surveillance was deployed. GOC was notified of our intended assistance. The only intel provided was that they were engaged with a humanoid entity of unknown origin and intent.
—1301 hours: MTF arrived at the last known location of GOC forces and followed a trail of destruction in order to locate SCP-5905-1 within the boundaries of a small fishing village. The total destruction of the GOC forces requesting backup is assumed. SCP-5905-1 was identified as a partially fleshed humanoid skeleton standing approximately 18 meters in height. The entity engaged MTF forces when they attempted to aid in the evacuation of local citizens.
—1310 hours: Deployed armaments are ineffective. MTF forces requested aerial strike and additional support. The rib cage of SCP-5905-1 expands and its thoracic cavity distends as a mass of tentacles explodes out from within. The appendages latch on to all available sources of organic matter including the GOC, MTF, and villagers, and adds them to its mass. SCP-5905-1 has increased in size by approximately 25%.
—1328 hours: Rockwell B-1 Lancer launched from Site-36 arrived at the conflict zone and fired precision-guided munitions at SCP-5905-1. Although the entity was impeded, it withstood the bombardment. Additional support requested.
—1330 hours: A Tomahawk Cruise Missile was fired from GOC Strategic Command Base #22 and MTF forces were advised to retreat to a minimum safe distance.
—1335 hours: Cruise missile arrived and detonated on target. MTF reports SCP-5905-1 was on fire but otherwise ambulatory and headed in the direction of another populated settlement. The Chinese government was notified and instructed to order an evacuation.
—1358 hours: Permission was given by the Chinese government to escalate the use of force. MTF was notified to vacate the area as a Boeing B-52 was deployed with a payload of 1 GBU-34/B Massive Ordnance Air Blast (MOAB).
—1420 hours: SCP-5905-1 arrived at the farming village. The last recorded census puts the village at a population of 280; total casualties are unknown but assumed in totality.
—1501 hours: Bomber signaled imminent arrival; Forces withdrew. SCP-5905-1 has finished feeding and is now 39 meters in height.
—1508 hours: MOAB detonates on target. SCP-5905-1 is destroyed as confirmed by MTF. Remaining biological fragments collected for incineration.

Addendum.2: Video Log

Log off and return to the main file

After the events of Addendum.1, MTF operatives backtraced the path of destruction to a small farming community composed of 6 hovels and a central storehouse. The exterior door of the storehouse had been circumvented by percussive force, and several strips of flesh were found embedded in and around the door frame.
In the center of the storehouse was a ritual circle utilizing a number of thaumic sigils, pictographs, and cuneiform invocations centered around a beryllium bronze post one meter in height. Scattered among the debris were several implements of torture, three sets of manacles caked in an unidentified viscous compound, and various pieces of video recording equipment. These videos have been translated from a dialect of Hungarian known as Moldavian, transcribed, and attached to this file. Extraneous audio and video omitted.
Footage begins with the frame obscured by the upper body of the camera's operator as they adjust focus. The individual has been designated as POI-5905.

POI-5905: Tuesday, day 1. The prisoner is a healthy local male, and is uninjured aside from bruises sustained in apprehension. Chinese national. Vitals are good. Liver function so-so. We begin tonight at sundown. I've read the book a hundred times, I've said the words two hundred times. We will cut until I find satisfaction and our ancestors become proud.

POI-5905 backs away from the camera and looks into the lens, nods, and steps to the side. Shackled to a metal post with their hands above their head is an adult male. The subject's eyes are glazed over suggesting the use of a sedative or possibly the side-effects of a concussion.
Video is fast-forwarded several hours. As the surroundings darken, unidentified accomplices place and light candles at various locations throughout the room. As these individuals place candles they rhythmically chant an invocation. The audio and translation have been redacted due to a suspected cognitohazardous link to SCP-5905. When the candles are lit, the five hooded participants and the ritual leader, POI-5905, assemble around the target and continue chanting. POI-5905 retrieves an implement from off-screen and makes a series of small incisions on the torso of the subject in order to create cuneiform characters. The subject regains consciousness during this phase of the ritual and begins screaming. The first tape ends.
Additional videos were discovered but have been evaluated as repetitious. This ritual practice is repeated for an additional 8 days, making 9 days in total.
On the 10th day, the ritual subject is severely emaciated. Cheeks, eyes, ribs are all sunken and his abdomen is distended. Legs and arms are visibly atrophied at a rate substantially more aggressive than expected for ten days of confinement. The ritual continues to its next phase as POI-5905 retrieves a hexagonal piece of metal that is then placed around the base of the subject's index finger. When this metal band is twisted and pulled, blades strip the subject's flesh from their finger and leave behind only bone and sinew. While continuing to chant over the subject's screaming, POI-5905 then feeds the flesh to the ritual subject, placing it in their mouth and forcing them to swallow. This videotape ends after all of the subject's fingers have been stripped..
Footage resumes on day 11 and the ritual repeats except with the toes. The ritual repeats again each day with a new part of the body through day 20. It is noted that after day 12, the subject no longer resists ingestion.

Note: Despite exposed wounds, severe malnourishment, and suspected dehydration, the ritual subject appears both alert and responsive throughout.

On day 21, POI-5905 unshackles the ritual subject and recites a final invocation. Ritual subject begins to claw at their own skin with the exposed bones of their fingers, tearing strips and chunks from other wound sites as they engage in auto-cannibalism.
Shortly before what is assumed to be sunrise, the ritual subject's breathing becomes ragged and inconsistent and they fall limp. Pronounced cracking and snapping sounds can be heard over the continuous chanting of participants as the ritual subject begins to grow in size, their skeletal structures bulging and bursting between what little tissue remains. Ritual subject's limbs elongate as it pulls itself up, finishing its conversion to SCP-5905-1.
Ritual participants break from their chanting and try to flee, however, SCP-5905-1's stomach bulges and swells before purple and black pseudopods erupt out, ensnaring the closest ritualist. SCP-5905-1 then inserts the ritualist's head into its jaw and bites down resulting in the ritualist's death. Snapping and cracking is heard as pseudopods insert the corpse into SCP-5905-1's thoracic cavity. SCP-5905-1 then exits off-camera in pursuit of additional ritualists. The footage ends.

Addendum.5905.3:
Within the pages of SCP-5905 was a hand-written insert. It is believed to have been written by the ritual leader and has been transcribed and attached to the record.

My first meal tasted of copper and desperation but I have come to savor the sweetness.
Babushka worried I do not eat well, but I am eating.
Every year my stomach grows smaller and I grow weaker but I can teach the others before my time [has ended].
Each new meal drowns them just a bit deeper. None of us need it but now we all want it.
Hunger gnaws at that place inside of me, craving purpose, fulfillment, excitement, and I fear I have found it.
If this goes well, I hope they will invite me to their feast.
I deserve a seat at the table.

« SCP-5904 | ManyMeats | SCP-5906 »


Item #: SCP-5906
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: Online web crawlers are to monitor for instances of SCP-5906, and remove them from public view. Amnestics are to be appropriately distributed to anyone that viewed an instance. Several copies of SCP-5906 are to be kept in secure video storage.
Description: SCP-5906 is an instructional video guide titled "How to perfectly kiss vertically". It randomly manifests on various websites able to support video content. All are labeled as being from an individual or possibly a group of individuals called "XOXO". Efforts to trace them have been unsuccessful.
SCP-5906 explains to viewers how to kiss their romantic partners at a perfectly vertical angle by mutilation of their faces. Particularly, it advocates for the removal of a subject's nose. The guide often manifests with English audio, but it has been found dubbed in French, Korean, Chinese, and Japanese.
No severe compulsive effects are present in those that view SCP-5906, but all subjects express a sense of enlightenment from direct exposure to it. A few have stated they are also willing to follow SCP-5906's instructions. All subjects fail to recognize the disturbing and dangerous nature of the procedure when informed. Affected individuals cannot spread SCP-5906's anomalous influence, and amnestics are able to treat exposure. The only way to know SCP-5906's contents without being affected by it is through audio, and transcripts of it; see Addendum 02.
On 03/12/16, SCP-5906 came to the Foundation's attention when a young couple living in Tokyo, Japan were hospitalized. Subjects had disfigured their faces, and were suffering from shock and blood loss. They reported the cause of their actions to be SCP-5906, which they had viewed online. Several officers of the Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department were exposed to SCP-5906. Foundation agents stationed in Tokyo were deployed, and enacted containment procedures. An interview with one of the hospitalized couple was performed; see Addendum 01.
Addendum 01: Interview Log

Interview Log 5906
Interviewer: Agent Akari Sato
Interviewed: Jiro Miyazaki
Foreword: The subject had exited from surgery, and was later conscious enough to be questioned by Agent Sato while under sedation. Both spoke the Tokyo dialect of Japanese for the duration of the interview.
[BEGIN LOG]
Agent Sato: Miyazaki-san, can you hear me?
Miyazaki: Yes.
Agent Sato: Excellent. I like to ask you a few questions, Miyazaki-san. Is that okay?
Miyazaki: Manami… [NOTE: Name of the subject's romantic partner. At the time, she was in critical condition, and was being operated on.]
Agent Sato: She's fine. Don't worry about her. Please focus on answering my questions for now. Why did you two do this to yourselves?
Miyazaki: Not… a bad idea.
Agent Sato: Explain to me what do you mean?
Miyazaki: Seemed more… romantic. It felt right.
Agent Sato: What made it romantic?
Miyazaki: For us to (Takes a large breath) love each other aligned.
Agent Sato: Aligned? I am not sure if I follow you.
Miyazaki: Whole in place. No crookedness. Pure.
Agent Sato: What is in place?
Miyazaki: Our lips. Hers was so sweet. Sweeter than before… Cursed noses.
Agent Sato: What about noses?
Miyazaki: Cursed things that bind us from really loving.
Agent Sato: Is this conviction formed from the video you watched?
Miyazaki: Yes. It was filled with loving truth.
Agent Sato: (Sighs) We will have to see about that.
Miyazaki: Manami?
Agent Sato: Again, she is doing fine.
Miyazaki: Can I see her?
Agent Sato: Not at this time but you will soon. Thank you for speaking with me. I will leave you to rest.
Miyazaki: Wait, if you see her, tell her I can't wait to see her face again.
Agent Sato: I will be sure to tell her.
[END LOG]
Afterword: Agent Sato was going to interview the subject's significant other, Manami Shimakura, but she had expired due to a subarachnoid hemorrhage. Cover story of the couples' injuries was labeled to be the result of a car accident.

Addendum 02: Transcript of SCP-5906's contents.

VIDEO LOG

[BEGIN LOG]
Title card is presented, stating "XOXO proudly presents: How to perfectly kiss vertically" in red colored font.
Video cuts to a man and a woman in formal attire. Both appear to be of Asian descent, and in their twenties. They have not been able to be identified. The two are seated on a red couch with a table in front of them that is partially out of the frame. The man begins to speak directly at the camera.
Unknown Male: Hello everyone. Today, we are going to show you XOXO's1 guide on how to perfectly kiss your spouse vertically. This is a whole new level to have in a romantic relationship since our nose hinders us from it.
Unknown Male: Let me ask you this. Have you ever felt cheated that you had to crook your head to the side to kiss your significant other because of your nose? It's like crooking your heart. It's an unnecessary obstacle just to show a loved one affection. It's worse if you have a large nose.
Unknown Male: In this guide, we will demonstrate the removal of our nasally bondage. It is the ultimate release and aphrodisiac.
Unknown Female: Sure is!
Unknown Male: First step, get something sharp to use. (Reaches to the table and is now holding a pair of long scissors.) Any blade will do but scissors are recommended.
Woman reaches to the table to acquire scissors herself. She continuously smiles at the camera.
Unknown Male: Scissors are perfect since they have two blades for two holes for you to insert them (Lifts nose up to show off nostrils). Other than scissors, you could use the claw of a hammer or even a sharp pencil if you lack a good blade. Once you have something, you can attempt removal.
Both individuals raise the scissors up to their faces. The male places the blades into his nostrils before continuing to speak.
Unknown Male: Some quick trivia. Did you know studies have found the nose to be the primary cause for all troubles in a relationship? That means without a nose, there would be less to no heartbreak in the world. 10 out 10 people agree. Studies have also found that tilting your head for a kiss does in fact crook the soul. It is also like crossing your fingers during a promise. Anyway, let us resume the guide.
The man jams the scissors further up his nostrils. Blood can be seen leaking out. The woman places her nose between the blades of the scissor.
Unknown Male: I almost forgot. You will have a bit of a small nosebleed, but once that nose is gone you will never have to worry about that ever again. Have some tissues nearby just in case. Now, closely watch us.
The two proceed to remove their noses. They pull at the top of their noses as they cut it. Blood begins to stream down their faces. Subjects do not display any pain responses and perform the procedure without pausing.
Upon completion, the subjects throw their severed noses onto the table. Male begins to talk but partially struggles due to blood flowing over his mouth. Woman is smiling at the camera.
Unknown Male: Wow, such a release. I feel like a new man (Chuckles).
Unknown Female: You have a bit dangling there. (Points at a small piece of the upper cartilage that is hanging from the male subject.)
Unknown Male: I will trim it later. (To the camera) Now we will demonstrate the kiss. This is what it looks like to kiss vertically without that pesky nose.
The two subjects proceed to kiss each other, smearing blood around their mouths. They press hard on each others' faces. Subjects cease and look at the camera.
Unknown Male: See how nice that looks? The absent nose is like a second mouth, which is like getting two kisses at the same time. The folds of freshly cut flesh meet those of your partner as if they will fuse to one another. It feels like being whole. Whole with our newly-made hole. Through our hole. Holes. (Spits out blood)
Unknown Female: (Still looking at the camera) So handsome.
Unknown Male: It is definitely an attractive new look anyone can have. So pure, so right. Nothing compares to being able to perfectly kiss that special someone vertically and close.
The two are silent while staring at the camera for six seconds. Both then proceed to talk to each other.
Unknown Male: I wonder why we were ever cursed this way to begin with.
Unknown Female: I don't know. Can you imagine?
Unknown Male: Maybe if I tried.
Unknown Female: Maybe.. It is probably easy, too. That's if we could even imagine at all.
Unknown Male: Maybe we don't need to bother with imagining that. All one needs is love in the present as a guide.
Unknown Female: Perhaps. Who even cares about the past anymore? Not XOXO, that is for sure.
Unknown Male: (Looks at the camera) Thanks for watching this guide. XOXO is happy to help you with your relationships. Until next time, we hope you all have a wonderful life. Goodbye!
Unknown Female: Bye!
Stock audio of people clapping is played. The camera slowly looks down at the severed noses on the table, and slowly zooms in on them. Briefly one can see the legs of the two subjects move away from the table. Sounds of rushing footsteps could be heard.
[END LOG]

Afterword: SCP-5906 ends with red text on a black background. The text reads, "See more guides by XOXO" with a list of supposed guides they have produced. They are titled:

"How to French kiss with all of your tongue without restrictions"
"How to know if your partner is honest through enhanced interrogation techniques for a healthy relationship"
"How to actually heat things up in bed"

These guides have yet to be encountered by the Foundation.

Footnotes
1. Pronounced as it is spelled than as an abbreviation.

« SCP-5905 | SCP-5906 | SCP-5907 »


THIS IS A TRUE STORY.

The anomaly described in this document first occurred in Minnesota in 1996. As per Foundation policy, none of the names have been changed. The rest of the events are described exactly as they occurred.

Item #: SCP-5910
Object Class: Safe

The highway on which Provisional Site-96 is situated.

Special Containment Procedures: The Foundation has purchased two hundred acres of agricultural land (Provisional Site-96) along the highway on which SCP-5910 occurs. MTF Epsilon-6 (“Village Idiots”) are to maintain patrols in the area and attend to any unauthorised activity. Personnel are to undergo frequent countermemetic inoculation to prevent the continuous manifestation of objects associated with SCP-5910.
A disinformation campaign has been launched to hide the original filming location of the scene in question. Web crawler F1N.K has been deployed to remove or otherwise alter online accounts of the film's production to maintain this cover; contemporary SCP-5910 events are thought to be the result of physical media relating to the shooting of Fargo. Attempts to locate these are ongoing.
Individuals suspected to have been involved in a successful SCP-5910 event are to have their assets and finances seized under the pretence of a tax investigation.

Description: SCP-5910 is a phenomenon related to the 1996 thriller film Fargo. In order for an SCP-5910 event to become active, a series of conditions must be met:

The viewer has seen Fargo at least once, and/or is able to recall a majority of the film's narrative and plot points. It must be noted that the viewer does not need to have seen the entirety of the film, except for two scenes which appear to be essential in order for an SCP-5910 event to begin – the opening title sequence, and the scene in which Steve Buscemi's character Carl Showalter buries the ransom money in the snow.
The viewer has made an active effort to research the film's production, most notably shooting locations. The affected individual has then been able to identify the precise real-life location of the scene in which Showalter buries the money.
The state of Minnesota has received seven or more inches of snow, or is forecast to receive a similar amount in the coming days.
The individual does not reside in any of the towns surrounding the filming location.

An affected individual will demonstrate a strong conviction that the film's events have a basis in reality – even when presented with evidence that suggests otherwise – and that “Showalter”'s money remains buried in Minnesota. Data collected from online streaming services, weather forecasts, and search engine trends suggests that up to 4% of viewers could meet the criteria for activating SCP-5910 at any given time – however, the number of individuals who attempt travel to Minnesota lies in the region of 0.002%. Tests have shown that there is no compulsive element to the phenomenon.
In the event that an individual travels to the relevant location before the snow has melted, a windshield scraper (identical in appearance to the prop used as a marker in the film) will manifest at the roadside when the subject enters a radius of three kilometers1. Following manifestation, the subject and any other individuals who may have taken an interest in the scraper's appearance are able to interact with the anomaly (see Discovery), including those with a minimal knowledge of Fargo. Local residents, and individuals involved in the film's production, are unable to be inducted into an SCP-5910 event directly, though may interact with the manifestation when another individual has rendered it active.
Digging through the snow at the scraper's location when SCP-5910 is active will reveal a leather briefcase containing nine hundred twenty thousand US dollars. Should the recipient fail to spend or bank this money within one hour of discovery, it is prone to demanifestation. This has prevented many word-of-mouth reports of the phenomenon being taken seriously, thus minimizing its credibility in the public consciousness.

+ Discovery

- Discovery

On 2002/02/12, Italian student Bruno Mazzuccelli was found deceased from a single gunshot wound at the side of a rural Minnesota highway. Local farmhand Kyle Kingsley was arrested the following morning in connection with his murder, having called a local bank to enquire about making a deposit of nearly a million dollars. This was flagged as "abnormal" and authorities were notified. A firearm found on Kingsley's property during the subsequent investigation was matched with the bullet used to kill Mazzuccelli.
Kingsley told county police that he and Mazzuccelli had met on the roadside when both attempted to retrieve "a case full of money". The two men were unknown to each other, and no such money was recovered during the investigation. Kingsley claimed to have no knowledge of its whereabouts, and seemed oblivious to Fargo and its connection to the local area.
It is believed that Mazzuccelli met the criteria for activating an SCP-5910 event and had travelled from his native Italy in search of the buried money. Kingsley had been driving in the area minutes before Mazzuccelli arrived, noticing the buried scraper which had manifested just prior. Kingsley was counting the money when he was first accosted by Mazzuccelli, and drew his firearm in self-defence. Unable to corroborate this story with evidence of the money, Kingsley was charged with second-degree murder.

+ Interview Log 2002/04/16

- Interview Log 2002/04/16

Interviewed: Pete Stavanger
Interviewer: Agent Maurice Halliday
Foreword: The Foundation arranged an interview with Pete Stavanger, a local who had been employed on the set of Fargo as a runner. Stavanger had been present during the shooting of the ransom burial scene. Agent Halliday was posing as a film writer for the Star Tribune newspaper.
<Begin Log>
Agent Halliday: Good morning, Mr Stavanger.
Pete Stavanger: Hi Mr… Westmore?
Agent Halliday: Ah, Darryl will be fine.
Pete Stavanger: No problem. So, uh, you wanna talk about my “Hollywood career”? Was an interesting month or so, but I'm sure there's more interesting people you could go after.
Agent Halliday: I'm looking for locals, people who helped on Fargo. Some of that was shot near here, correct?
Pete Stavanger: That's right. You know that scene, where Buscemi buries the money? Just down the highway over there.
Agent Halliday: And you helped on that bit?
Pete Stavanger: You betcha. Set it all up. I can tell ya, it didn't snow as much as they wanted that year. So they had to truck in a load of snow. Helped them shovel it.
Agent Halliday: And you tidied it up, right? Didn't just leave a case of bills under the ice?
Pete Stavanger: Well, of course not. Joel and Ethan2 were really picky about leaving stuff behind on set. ‘Course, some people still believe it was real. The money, I mean.
Agent Halliday: Yeah, I can imagine.
Pete Stavanger: Oh yah, you know that Italian kid got shot, couple of months back? Like something out of a Coen flick in itself. Some folk say he went looking for the cash.
Agent Halliday: You believe that?
Pete Stavanger: Nah, ‘course not. They got some farm kid from around here. Must have been trespassing or something. I guess people really wanna believe, you know? Use stuff from fiction to help them rationalize.
Agent Halliday: I mean, that's a dream, right? Almost a million dollars, just… there in the snow.
Pete Stavanger: You know how that movie starts, right? This is a true story, and all that.
Agent Halliday: Mhm. I could believe it, if I didn't know any better. Stranger things have happened in this world than an extortion plot gone bad.
Pete Stavanger: I suppose it's… well, there's that saying, you know? If you make enough people buy into a falsehood, eventually it becomes the truth.
<End Log>

Incident Log 2017/02/11: On the morning of 2017/02/11, a Caucasian male resembling American actor Steven Buscemi accosted members of MTF Epsilon-6 who were carrying out a routine patrol. The individual had been "frantically digging in the snow"3 when it was discovered, and was described as having injuries consistent with those of a facial gunshot wound. The individual acted in an aggressive manner before being apprehended by guards. Following two minutes of detention in a humanoid containment chamber, the individual was observed to dematerialize.
At the time of the incident, the site had been under Foundation control for almost fifteen years, and no successful SCP-5910 manifestations had occurred since testing concluded in January of 2005.

Footnotes
1. Personnel at Provisional Site-96 have observed this manifestation event during Foundation-initiated SCP-5910 events.
2. Joel and Ethan Coen, who wrote and directed Fargo.
3. Statement from MTF Epsilon-6 operative.

« SCP-5909 | SCP-5910 | SCP-5911 »