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Many have undertaken to draw up an account of the things that have been fulfilled among us,
just as they were handed down to us by those who from the first were eyewitnesses and servants of the word.
With this in mind, since I myself have carefully investigated everything from the beginning, I too decided to write an orderly account for you, most excellent Theophilus,
so that you may know the certainty of the things you have been taught.
- Luke 1:1-4, New International Version

⚠ Content warning: This article contains child abduction, religious trauma, ritual child abuse, and racism.

⚠ content warning

Threat Level: Orange

WWSCSTT school building, circa 1979.

Special Containment Procedures: As of 09/23/2009, SCP-5952 is uncontained.
Agents are to collaborate with WWSCSTT faculty and security to collect and document information pertaining to sightings, testimonies, and disappearances related to SCP-5952. Mobile Task Force Theta-6 ("Witch Hunters") is to be sent into the premises of WWSCSTT as needed to patrol the grounds for SCP-5952.
As per the Hierophant Accord, no cameras are to be brought onto the premises. Tracking devices of any kind are prohibited. Agents may not enter the chapel, dormitories, or any unmarked buildings except in the case of a confirmed SCP-5952 sighting within such areas. Finally, agents may not communicate with the student body unless instructed to by faculty.
Description: According to eyewitness accounts, SCP-5952 is a bipedal humanoid entity in excess of 2.4 meters in height. Its physiology is reportedly misshapen:

SCP-5952's legs are asymmetrical, its right leg slightly shorter than its left, forcing it to limp. Its feet end in club-like bone protrusions.
SCP-5952's facial features consist of a slanted, toothless mouth and two eyes. Assuming witness sketches to be accurate, the positioning of SCP-5952's eyes would leave abnormally large blind spots in its vision.
SCP-5952's torso appears to have forced it into a hunch.

Despite its physiology, SCP-5952 is reportedly capable of feats of strength and speed equivalent to those of a theoretical human of its size in good health.
SCP-5952 has been spotted exclusively in and around the Whitewater Second Chance School for Troubled Teens (WWSCSTT), a rehabilitory boarding school for delinquent teenage girls located ~21 km from the village of Whitewater, Mississippi. Accounts of SCP-5952 suggest its primary motivation is the stalking and kidnapping of the WWSCSTT student body; victims of SCP-5952 frequently report sightings prior to their eventual disappearance. Among faculty, SCP-5952 is known as "the Warbalang".
To date, victims of SCP-5952 consist entirely of students enrolled in WWSCSTT. SCP-5952's intentions are presently unknown; no victim taken off the premises of WWSCSTT has been recovered dead or alive.

HISTORY
On 6/14/2009, agents of GoI-5705B ("First United Temple of the Dixieland")1 contacted the Foundation for assistance in containing SCP-5952.
Despite forewarning for WWSCSTT administration, initial task force deployments were denied entry to the premises. When challenged, WWSCSTT representatives cited obscure but ultimately binding clauses in the SUSEOCT2, showing that entry outside the terms set by WWSCSTT would legally resolve as hostilities against a signing party.
WWSCSTT subsequently provided Foundation liaisons with terms of "acceptable interaction", citing concerns regarding the nature of SCP-5952 and the suspicion it may have connections to the Foundation. Only upon agreement to the terms (designated "the Hierophant Accord" by WWSCSTT administration) would the SCP Foundation be allowed to operate within the campus. Attempts to negotiate for less restrictive measures were rejected.
On 7/08/2009, the Foundation accepted the terms of the Hierophant Accord.

INTERVIEW-5952-A

DATE: 7/09/2009
SUBJECT: Pastor Roy Warbler

[BEGIN LOG 1]
Agent Belloso: Let the record show that Father Warbler-
(Agent Belloso cuts himself off)
Agent Belloso: Affirmative. Apologies.
Pastor Warbler: You've got nothing to apologize for, young man. And even if you did? Well, you came to the right place.
Agent Belloso: Right, right. So, I assume you've already been briefed about my organization, and what it does.
Pastor Warbler: Much respect to the SCP Foundation, by the by.
Agent Belloso: (brief pause) … right. Let's cut to the issue, then. Just for the record, Whitewater School has apparently been the target of a number of kidnappings in recent years, all of which have been centered around the Whitewater student body. Due in part to budgetary concerns, the campus has been unable to install a camera system, and as such no images of SC-apologies, the anomaly have been obtained by either party. No victim of the anomaly has been located.
Pastor Warbler: Such a sick man, targeting those poor girls. But they're vulnerable; not a lot of people outside the church are gonna notice. That's why he does what he does, I'd wager.
Agent Belloso: The school, you mean.
Pastor Warbler: Well, Whitewater ain't exactly public, as y'all call it. First and foremost, we're a school. We're also a church, if my title ain't tipping you off. Fundamentally, it's all the same: someone's teaching you something, whether that be math or Matthew.
Agent Belloso: I suppose your situation is… unique, in some ways.
Pastor Warbler: Brother, you could say that again. Not too many schools gotta deal with a demon that ain't piggybacking off a body, mind you.
Agent Belloso: Demons?
Pastor Warbler: Certainly, brother. Demons all around us, hiding in the sinful cracks within the temples of our bodies. I say it's only gotten worse since I was a boy, all the good work the church is doing. Hell, you seem like the kind to be carrying a demon yourself, and no offense intended, young man. You'd do well to pay Elder Rockwell a visit before heading back to the city. I think he's in today.
Agent Belloso: I'm… never mind. So you believe this is a demon.
Pastor Warbler: Brother, if a beast calls itself a "Warbalang" and steals kids into the night, well I'm not sure what else you call that.
Agent Belloso: Fair enough… and for the record, I think you meant "berbalang"? In which case-
Pastor Warbler: I meant what I said, young man. 'War'-'buh'-'lang'. It's what I hear the kids call it, and I can only assume they learned it through some unholy communion with the damn thing. The type's among 'em.
Agent Belloso: Then you believe the ber-Warbalang was summoned.
Pastor Warbler: That's a theory, and I don't know how they do it in the city but a "theory" don't pass here. But I figure some of them gotta be talking to it if they know its name.
Agent Belloso: Interesting. Do you have any… suggestions, on which students we should be talking to?
Pastor Warbler: No.
Agent Belloso: Pardon?
Pastor Warbler: These ain't chickens and they ain't in your basket. Even if one of them summoned that damn Warbalang, they're our wards, and we can't be letting the new folk do whatever they please with 'em, can we?
Agent Belloso: … right, thank you.
[END LOG 1]

CLOSING NOTES:
Let the record show that Father Warbler subjected me to the most invasive search I've had in my career. - Agent Belloso

INCIDENT-5952-A VELASQUEZ-FORD
On 08/04/2009, WWSCSTT faculty contacted the Foundation regarding recent sightings of SCP-5952.
While sightings reportedly spanned across the campus, internal cross-referencing on the part of WWSCSTT revealed that they primarily occurred within sight of Luna Julia Dominguez Velasquez, a 14-year-old Chilean-American student with a history of substance abuse. WWSCSTT administration concluded that SCP-5952 was plotting to kidnap Ms. Velasquez, and requested assistance from the Foundation and GoI-5705-B in strengthening security.
As per the Hierophant Accord, no video capture was allowed on the premises. As such, Junior Field Researcher Marcus Ford of MTF-θ6 was tasked with documenting the situation through digital audio recording.
Excerpted transcripts have been provided below. The original logs, as well as full transcriptions, may be requested from RAISA with appropriate clearance; however, the tapes appear to have been interfered with prior to recovery.

+ 08/05/2009

Access granted.

AUDIO LOG-5952-A

[BEGIN LOG 1]
A faint rustling can be heard.
Researcher Ford: This is Junior Researcher… Ford, Field Researcher for Theta-6, Witch Hunters, reporting at Seven sharp, August 5th, 2009. Theta-6 was flown in yesterday for SCP-5952, and…
Ford briefly trails off.
Ford: Am I doing this right?
Agent Schumer: Don't sweat it, Ford. Just get it all down, and you'll be fine.
Ford: Oh, alright. Ma'am, yes, ma'am. Or… is it supposed to be chief?
[EXTRANEOUS DATA OMITTED]
Ford: And again, thank you, chief. Right, Theta-6 is helping Whitewater with containment measures, as well as… United Dixieland Church, Group of Interest 5705-B. We've been given reign to look through campus and buildings, though Whitewater's apparently blocked off special zones with a red tape. If I'm not mistaken, crossing that is gonna be… it's forbidden by the treaty. So… don't cross those.
Ford: Theta-6's contact with command will be limited, as Whitewater is sparsely connected to the info grid. Hell, they don't even have CCTV. Hopefully, well… hopefully we'll make it. I'm confident.
Ford: Agents Samson Whateley and Rene Belloso went out to the faculty mess for breakfast. I should probably follow.
Ford pauses.
Ford: Over.
The tape recorder is switched off.
[END LOG 1]

[BEGIN LOG 2.1]
Log 2 begins in what sounds to be a mess hall.
Agent Belloso: -but I can't stand your jokes.
Agent Whateley: Come on, you laugh at 'em.
Belloso: Especially because I laugh at them. And besides the point. Ford?
Ford: Sir, yes, sir.
Belloso: Now that you've had your breakfast, I'd like to talk about whatever put that look on your face.
Ford: Sir, elaborate, sir?
Belloso: First, just call me "Officer". Second, Theta-6 learns to spot when something's amiss. Can you tell me about what you encountered on the way here that has you looking like that?
Ford: Sir, it's just nerves, really. I…
Ford trails off, before continuing with a sigh.
Ford: … way here, one of the students just approached me and… struck up conversation. She… ah, yes, sorry, I misspoke and she was actually faculty, right. Thanks, chief.
Ford: So… so she comes up to me, and I guess JFR dress code looks like a uniform, cause she talks like I'm a student. Talks about how odd it is for a man to be here, probing me with questions, you know. None of them really stuck out, I guess, all typical for a black… man in a whitish girls' school. But…
Whateley: She was stiff? Didn't blink? Ticked like a clock or moved like a muscle?
Ford: No, it wasn't her, no. The questions… I mean it just felt like some kind of survey. I… I got it recorded, the questions, but they'd be along the lines of "how often do you cry", "are you allergic to seafood", "do you believe in a god". Just… and sometimes, depending on how I answered, she'd shake her head or smile or tell me to take up or break a habit. It's… I mean again, I got it on tape, and it's really hard to describe, yeah?
Belloso: Odd. You think you can give us a listen after breakfast?
[END LOG 2.1]

[BEGIN LOG 4.1]
Ford: Junior Field Researcher Ford, approximately 800 hours. Theta-6 has just been… briefed?
Belloso: Researcher Ford played us a tape. It's… curious, to say the least. Between this and Father Warbler's statement, it seems the student body plays a less-than-passive role in sub-veil activity.
Whateley: Really? Cause it sounds like this school just sort of sucks.
Belloso: Really.
Whateley: Really! This reads like code, a sort of "here's how not to get your ass whooped" that the teachers won't whoop your ass for.
Agent Belloso sighs.
Schumer: I don't know, Sammy. Some of what she's saying… she asks Ford about castration anxiety. Suggests he drink less water. And… well, who just drops "shame red isn't your color" out of nowhere? He wasn't even wearing red.
Schumer: And honestly? I think that regardless of whether or not this is some kind of witch child or just a battered one, the point at which you stop the new kid for a quarter of an hour to probe his life story is not the point of innocence.
Whateley: So, they're up to something. How does that tie into 5952?
Schumer: Far as I know, it doesn't. But it does ties into its victims.
Ford: The ones we're not allowed to talk to? Because…
Ford cuts themself off. All remain silent for several seconds.
Belloso: … Ford, do you think you could give us some privacy?
[END LOG 4.1]

[BEGIN LOG 4.3]
Researcher Ford appears to be wandering the campus, alternating between humming, whistling, and singing show-tunes to themself. Their footsteps suggest they are outdoors, though within the reasonably maintained grounds.
Ford: (Singing to themself) "Who will deny that you and I and every n-"
Unknown Man: Well met, young man.
Ford sputters, coming to a stop.
Unknown Man: Relax, young man. Really, I quite liked it.
Ford: Uh… who are you?
[DATA LOST]
Ford: Right, right. Uh… name's Ford.
Unknown Man: Ford, Ford… that's a fine name. I haven't met too many Fords, but they're always a treat when I do. Walk with me?
Ford: S-sure. And thanks. [DATA LOST] ain't a bad name either.
One of the pair, likely the Unknown Man, resumes walking, and the other subsequently follows.
Unknown Man: A lot of people will tell you the Mississippi summer is unbearable. Maybe they'll flee to Maine or Minnesota during the dog days. Me? I love this little slice of heaven. Smelling the flowers, listening to the trees. You know what I'm talking about.
Ford: Right.
Unknown Man: Of course, I'm not one to be stupid. Summer's the time of sunburns, of mosquitoes, of heat strokes. Humans weren't made to withstand the full brunt of God's love, glorious as it is. God's love is divine. Us humans, we ain't been divine for… four thousand years, give or take.
Unknown Man: God knows that, of course. He knows all. So God gives his love, and God takes his love. He knows that it's that darkness, that little bit of misery, that lets us appreciate the love. That even, sometimes, lets us mete out that love properly.
The sound of crunching and snapping underfoot suggest the pair are walking upon less-maintained grounds.
Unknown Man: You get what I'm saying, right? The heat, the sun, that's love. But when you're drowned in that love, 24/7, it stops feeling like love. More like hate. But it's still love, a tough one. That's Hell.
Ford: I… that sounds appropriate, I guess.
Unknown Man: So summer is the season of love.
The pair continue walking for several minutes. Eventually, their footsteps become infrequent, suggesting difficulty in navigating terrain.
Ford: You're a bit weird, but in a good way.
Unknown Man: It's good to be weird, young man. It's how we get innovators.
Ford chuckles weakly, then stops. The Unknown Man stops shortly thereafter.
Unknown Man: See something?
Ford: Nah, nah, it's just… man, I don't know if I'm supposed to be out here. I'm with… I'm with South Carolina Public, you know? I gotta be on board case they need me. How are they supposed to call when I'm walking the forest, yeah?
Unknown Man: Rest assured, a nature walk is the perfect-
A sudden beeping interrupts the Unknown Man.
Unknown Man: Fiddlesticks. Wait here, alright Ford?
The Unknown Man is heard disappearing further into the woods.
Ford: … shit, man.
[END LOG 4.3]

[BEGIN LOG 4.5]
Researcher Ford can be heard walking through the underbrush. Suddenly, they stop.
Ford: … that ain't right.
Ford approaches something, slowly, stopping twelve paces into their approach.
Ford: … I'd take a picture of this if I had a camera, so I guess I gotta describe it. Right… I'm standing in front of some old, wooden… cellar door? There's no building, not any that I can see, so I gotta assume this leads to some kind of maintenance tunnel. I don't know how far I am from campus, these woods are something else, but even so this place is ridiculously rural. Some sorta power plant, defunct or otherwise?
Ford: The doors are pretty well maintained given the rest of the woods. Red-painted wood. Not about to call them "pristine", but if you told me there was a party going on down there I might not jump to the worst conclusion.
Ford: Touching them, they're colder than I'd guess. The paint's dry and the handle's wood, so the cold might be coming from inside. This place still active?
Ford tries one of the doors, pulling it open with some effort.
Ford: I think the hinges need some oiling, but all in all this door definitely works. Back of the door is… well, it's painted brown, like dirt. Taped to it is…
Ford trails off. The sound of something ripping can be heard.
Ford: That's going into evidence. [DATA LOST]
Ford: So, looks like the cellar leads to a stairwell. Little steep, railing on the side. The light's not giving me too much more, so hold while I get my flashlight ready.
Ford can be heard setting their bag down, rummaging through it for their flashlight. After half a minute, Ford can be heard removing something from the bag and clicking it.
Ford: … son of a bitch.
Ford sighs.
Ford: Can't go any further. Looks like the tunnel was taped off by Whitewater. Guess that explains that.
Grumbling to themself, Ford dons their pack and walks off.
[END LOG 4.5]

[BEGIN LOG 4.6]
Ford can be heard walking through a thick undergrowth, whistling show-tunes to themself.
Eleven minutes into LOG 4.6, a distant snapping sound can be heard. All of a sudden, Ford stops and becomes silent. They wait for several seconds, before resuming their trek in silence at a slower pace.
Ford's pace gradually quickens, though they attempt to remain silent. Less care is taken to avoid branches as the recording goes on.
Eventually, Ford catches themself on a branch, screams, and begins running. The sound of distant snapping can be heard more clearly during this time. Near the end of the log, the snapping is accompanied by a series of pained wheezes.
Sixteen minutes into LOG 4.6, Ford can be heard falling to the ground. They do not appear to get up, and the tape remains silent for eight more minutes, until a series of footsteps and the voices of what are assumed to be students can be heard. The voices chatter indistinctly for several seconds, until an Unknown Girl emerges from the crowd.
Unknown Girl: Oh heavens!
The Unknown Girl rushes over to Ford, possibly dropping to her knees. The tape recorder is switched off soon after.
[END LOG 4]

[BEGIN LOG 5]
The tape recorder is switched on.
Unknown Girl: Praise the Father, creator of the universe, who… who stands firm at the gates of Heaven against the unclean hordes. Praise Jesus, my light in the storm, who watches over the calf in the abattoir and the goat in the clutches of the unbaptized butcher. Praise the Holy Spirit, by which His miracles are made manifest. Praise… no, no.
Unknown Girl: Father, be merciful unto the wandering Canaanite in the land of blood and b-basalt. Who… damn it, who knows not the evils of…
The Unknown Girl grumbles in frustration.
Unknown Girl: Jesus, I implore you to have mercy on this man, as… you have my flock. Send him your angel of clay to combat the boneless… the boneless malevolence around him. Let not the Father or his eunuch angel bring him to harm. I know you will not fail him, for through God, all things are possible.
Unknown Girl: Amen.
The tape recorder is switched off.
[END LOG 5]

+ 08/06/2009

Access granted.

AUDIO LOG-5952-B

[BEGIN LOG 1]
The tape has been switched on in an outdoor area. The sound of footsteps can be heard for several seconds.
Unknown Girl: You dropped this, sir.
Ford: … huh?
Unknown Girl: This is yours, right?
Ford: I mean, yeah, but… I really shouldn't be talking to you, ma'am.
Unknown Girl: Call me Luna, and no worries. Good luck!
"Luna" can be heard running off.
Ford: … wait, how long's this been running?
The tape recorder is switched off.
[END LOG 1]

[BEGIN LOG 2]
Ford: This is Junior Researcher Ford, Field Researcher for Theta-6, Witch Hunters, reporting at… noon-something, August 6th, 2009. I've got a killer headache and I'm due for a rabies vaccine the minute medical gets back.
Ford: Agent Whateley says they found me mid-day, passed out just inside the campus grounds. Says I must have passed out outta fear, no injuries to the head. I think… it's a bit of a blur, but I remember being chased by SCP-5952, or something like it. I didn't get a good look at it.
Ford: Update on Elder [DATA LOST]
Ford: So… yeah. Agents want me to lay low for a while, or at least keep it inside.
There is a pause, before the tape recorder is switched off.
[END LOG 2]

[BEGIN LOG 3]
The tape recorder is switched on; however, Researcher Ford remains silent for approximately forty seconds.
Ford: … no, I don't remember recording that. I…
The tape recorder is switched off.
[END LOG 3]

[BEGIN LOG 4.1]
As the tape recorder is switched on, air conditioning can be heard in the background.
Ford: (whispering) If I had a camera, I could prove that I didn't cross a red tape. Still, I feel like this is a matter of "forgot", because a ton of these doors are taped off.
A pause.
Ford: Sorry, let me backtrack: I'm standing in what looks like a cross between my old high school and a utility tunnel. Possibly ground level, I haven't been on too many stairs. Place is empty; not sure what they intended to use it for.
Ford sighs, and begins walking.
Ford: You know, I always wondered why the Foundation wanted to keep all the idle chatter on record. I mean, you come in as an intern and it's… it's complicated. On one hand, you wanna be professional, say only what you need to. But wandering these halls, I gotta wonder: what needs saying?
Ford: It doesn't feel like I'm any closer to the mystery of the Warbalang. How does a kooky ol' priest, a woodland maintenance labyrinth, and… and whatever's up with those students play into it all? You think the Foundation would give me some string to pin a corkboard, rather than talking to myself.
Ford: … wonder if that's why they keep it on record.
[END LOG 4.1]

[BEGIN LOG 4.4]
Ford: … that's new.
Ford: You can't see it, but I'm standing in front of a door. It's big, some kind of metal, with a window. I can't see much of anything inside. Now, around the door is red tape, but get this: the tape along the floor's been scratched up quite a bit. If the tape were a wall, I mean, I could probably fit through the alleyway.
Ford: Logically, I shouldn't.
A pause. After several seconds, the sound of scraping metal can be heard.
Ford: The handle was cold, and the air from inside's colder still. This ain't lit, but that's why I-
Researcher Ford suddenly begins retching.
Ford: … the things I do for the kids.
Something clicks, and Ford presumably steps into the room; the tape picks up sounds of an unspecified heat pump device. Ford remains silent for several seconds, and presumably walks around examining the room. A soft squishing noise can occasionally be heard.
Ford: This is a freezer, yeah, but I don't know if it's for food. Doesn't smell edible. Dissection? I could spend an hour talking about what I'm seeing here.
Ford: Stepping back: the freezer's organized into shelves. What's on the shelf… it's a lot. I'm seeing what looks like a lamb shank, sitting by its lonesome. And mind you, there's the occasional ceiling hook, so… I don't know. Next to it looks like a jar of… hrm. Some kind of strip of meat, lots of them, all in a single jar. Still bloody. Might be… chicken gristle? The kind you find in the cheap cuts. I don't know.
Ford: Weirdest thing isn't on a shelf. There's some workbench, you know, in the freezer. Spot of blood in the middle, as well as some tools, a jar of… looks like a pickled squid. Makes sense, there's also a tray of tentacles off to the side. Are they supposed to look like that, though? Halfway up the tentacle, it looks like the suckers just end.
Ford: Assuming someone works here, I don't… this ain't school stuff.
A pause.
Ford: So what did she mean by "boneless malevolence"?
Sighing, Ford exits the room, resealing the freezer door. The squishing sound is still faintly audible.
[END LOG 4.4]

[BEGIN LOG 4.7]
Ford: Realistically, I probably should have-
Ford cuts themself off as they stop walking. They remain silent for a little over a minute.
Ford: … that's a camera.
The tape recorder is switched off.
[END LOG 4]

[BEGIN LOG 5]
As the tape recorder is switched on, Researcher Ford sighs, knocking thrice upon a wooden door.
Pastor Warbler: (through the door) Just one second.
After a few seconds, the door opens.
Warbler: Ah, you're with… SCP, right? You don't look like temple folk.
Ford: Right, er, right. Theta… I'm with the people trying to find the Warbalang.
Warbler: Well, the enemy of my enemy is my friend, so I see we're already well acquainted, young man.
Ford gulps.
Warbler: Young man, why don't you have a seat? I'd love to hear progress on the case so far, if you got any. You do have progress on the case, don'tcha?
Ford swallows again, and takes a seat.
Warbler: … don't tell me you're pulling my chain, young man.
Ford: No! No, I… I-I have, well, I've gotten… well I've seen a lot, sure, yeah, it's just, there's piecing it together. I feel like there's-
Warbler: How hard could it be, young man? It's a demon with a limp, surely it can't be hard to track. Unless you've been complicating things, your job is far easier than you're making it sound right now.
There's a brief pause. Ford's breath is audibly ragged.
Ford: … I think there's something in the school.
Another pause. Warbler suddenly laughs.
Warbler: What the hell are we paying y'all for?! Of course there's something in the school! I knew that and you knew that! We have its name, for Christ's sake!
Ford: That's not what I-
Warbler: I ought to report y'all to the BBB for wasting my time. "Ha ha, I'm the SCP Foundation, for five easy payments of heaven knows how many zeroes on your damn checks, we'll sit on our thumbs and tell you everything you already knew about the literal demon out for your children! We're the good guys!"
Warbler: You're lucky this is 2009, boy, because if you sat there looking stupid back in my day-
Ford: I don't think the Warbalang is working alone!
Warbler, whose next words had been obscured by Ford's interjection, cuts himself off. There is another pause.
Warbler: … an insider, then. How did you… come about that?
Another pause.
Ford: Do you know what a "eunuch angel" is?
Warbler: No.
Ford: What about… say, "the land of blood and basalt"?
Warbler: No… but I assume that means "Hell".
Ford: "Boneless malevolence"?
Warbler: You mean "benevolence".
Another pause.
Warbler: You haven't been listening in on our sermons, have you? I appreciate your dedication to the Lord, but you have a job do, son.
Ford: But, what does it-
Warbler: It's another way to say "the Holy Spirit". More importantly, brother, I'm very concerned with how you're handling this investigation. It sounds to me like you stuck your nose where it didn't belong, jumped to your own conclusions, then came to me with a lurid tale based entirely on a half-remembered sermon.
Warbler: Anything else?
Ford: I… one more question.
Warbler: Yes?
Ford: We were briefed that you didn't have CCTV. But I was exploring, within the red tape, mind you, and… I saw a camera. Why… why didn't you tell us?
Another pause.
Warbler: Bless your heart. You've just been fucking with me.
A loud crash can be heard. Ford screams, possibly falling out of their chair and running from the room. They continue running for approximately two minutes, before the tape recorder is switched off.
[END LOG 5]

[BEGIN LOG 9]
Whateley: -this place. It's creepy as hell and I can't even take a piss without asking the faculty.
Schumer: Come on, Sammy. We've got a job to do, you know?
Whateley: Not according to them. Are we some kind of set dressing? "Oh no, you can't film the creep stealing children! What about privacy? What about fucking privacy for the fucking cradle robber?! Think of the children, or at least the thing that steals them!"
Belloso: Samson.
Whateley: You listened to those tapes, Ren. "Too rural" my fat ass! Cameras!
Belloso: We don't know that.
Whateley: So Ford's a liar, now?
Belloso: Of course not. But right now, all we know is that somewhere on campus, there's something that looks like a camera. Getting information out of that camera is another issue entirely.
Whateley: Semantics, Rene.
Belloso: Well, Agent Whateley, why don't we go down there ourselves? Look for everything Ford missed.
Schumer: I…
Agent Schumer trails off. All remain silent for several seconds.
Belloso: … yes, Agent Schumer?
Schumer: Well… I mean, at this point, do they… I have to concur with Sammy. How much do they actually want us to solve this case?
Belloso: Enough to pay us, agents. Why else do you cram four people into a crowded tent on the edge of the woods? Enrichment? We're not hikers, and let's not pretend we're anything more than magic cops with a lower market rate than the next most competent bidder.
Belloso: And you know what? Yes, I'm just as confused about everything I've heard as everyone else on the force. But evidence of a third party is evidence of a third party, and you can't charge tuition fees on a missing child. We can stand to play along with their delusions if the alternative is an unconditional victory for SCP-5952.
All remain silent for several seconds.
Belloso: Ford, Schumer, you two get some rest. Samson, let's table this business until after night watch, alright? We'll look into this tomorrow, as a team.
The tape recorder is switched off.
[END LOG 9]

+ 08/07/2009

Access granted.

AUDIO LOG-5952-C

[BEGIN LOG 1.1]
The tape begins in an indoors environment, against the sound of AC. Several sets of footsteps can be heard as Researcher Ford clears their throat.
Ford: This is Junior Researcher Ford, Field Researcher for Theta-Six, and it's-
Another agent says something indistinct.
Ford: (now whispering) Right. Witch Hunters is investigating the Whitewater maintenance tunnels, or whatever they are. Overfill classrooms? Storage? I don't know.
Ford grumbles, and remains silent. No words are spoken for approximately four minutes, although MTF-θ6 occasionally stops, presumably to inspect their surroundings.
Finally, MTF-θ6 arrives in an area with an audible heat-pump device. Something causes Ford to grunt in apparent surprise.
Schumer: (indistinct) -Ford?
Ford remains silent for several seconds.
Whateley: You alright, buddy?
Ford: Uh… yeah, yeah. I think… I think I saw a rat. It looked like it was shaved.
Whateley: I don't like this school.
MTF-θ6 continues.
[END LOG 1.1]

[BEGIN LOG 1.3]
Ford: (still whispering) Having kept better track, I know we're underground right now, so keep that in mind.
Ford: We're standing at the edge of a hallway, about fifty feet or so. The walls are a bit… drab? Off-peach paint, dotted with one or two of those motivational posters they had in grade school. Fluorescent lighting, but two of the three are flickering something fierce. Six doors, the kind where you're not sure if it's wood or plastic. Reminds me a bit of the old hall they had the Sunday school classes in back when I was a kid.
Ford: At the end's a stairway. Goes up, maybe to the surface. I'm getting a bad feeling from it, and I don't know how much of that's the scenery.
Ford: Whenever y'all're ready.
MTF-θ6 advances slowly, their footsteps muffled by carpeting.
Ford: Door one, right side. Looks like there was a nameplate here, but it's gone now. Blocked off by red tape. Continuing on.
Ford: Door two, left side. Still got its name plate. Looks like… yeah, "Sunday school teen". Doesn't appear to be blocked off. Officer Belloso?
Agent Belloso can be heard grunting in affirmation, before knocking on the door. There is no response, and the door is opened shortly thereafter.
Ford: … not sure what I expected. Room looks like a Sunday school classroom. Some drawers, few posters. Looks pretty clean, but it is Saturday. And…
Ford sniffs.
Ford: Hrm. Smells like… a bit like your hands after eating lox. Not as tasty. (slightly louder) Anyone else smell that?
Silence.
Ford: Right. Belloso's moving to door three, on the left again. Nameplate says it's… says it's Elder Rockwell's office. No tape, but I don't know if Elder Rockwell wants to see us right now. Right. We're skipping this one.
Ford: As for door four, on the right again… nameplate says it's-
[END LOG 1.3]

[BEGIN LOG 1.4]
The existence of Log 1.4 is purely speculative, derived from the sudden shift from the end of Log 1.3 to the next section of audio.
[END LOG 1.4]

[BEGIN LOG 1.5]
Researcher Ford, audibly crying, is heard running through a hard-floored hallway. According to the sound of footsteps, they are most likely alone; however, a steady squelching noise can be heard in the background.
Approximately three minutes pass, and the squelching gradually diminishes to the point of inaudibility; however, Ford continues running for approximately four and a half more minutes, before collapsing to the ground with a shout of pain.
Over the course of six more minutes, Ford remains silent save for sobbing. Suddenly, they make an effort to quiet themselves.
Further down the hallway, the sound of hobbled footsteps can be heard.
Ford soon attempts to silently crawl away, picking up the tape recorder. Meanwhile, the sound of footsteps continues, and begins getting louder.
Approximately a minute later, Ford suddenly screams. They remain screaming as the footsteps get closer and are soon joined by a series of pained wheezes. It's at this point that the tape recorder is thrown at something hard, eliciting a sharp grunt from an unknown figure.
The footsteps stop; the pained wheezes do not.
The tape recorder is switched off.
[END LOG 1]

[BEGIN LOG 2]
It is presumed that due to its differing gait, constant wheezing, and apparent unwillingness to speak, the Unknown Figure currently in possession of the tape recorder is not Researcher Ford.
The Unknown Figure appears to be present in an air-conditioned room. It soon abandons the recorder on a hard surface, only to return several minutes later with what appear to be books. The Unknown Figure proceeds to flip through the books in apparent hurry, occasionally grunting in apparent distress.
After several more minutes, the tape recorder is switched off.
[END LOG 2]

[BEGIN LOG 4]
The Unknown Figure appears to be crawling through a cramped indoor environment. Two figures, identified as Agents Belloso and Whateley, can be heard from behind a wall.
Belloso: -isn't the time, Samson.
Whateley: I hate it when you try to play smartass, Ren. You didn't know shit about the Veil until they scooped you up and spat you onto the force. You know that I've been this, Ren?
Belloso: Really. Apologies, then. I wasn't aware that children were expendable assets.
Whateley: Fuck you, asshole! Was Amelia expendable? What about Ford? Was all this just some stupid sacrificial fucking pit to throw half of Witch Hunters down? Are we just going to hope the Warbalang gets too fucking fat on the meat of an actual adult and every tool they had on hand to stop it? "Let he who is without sin cast himself into the fucking whirlpool"!
Belloso: Samson, what's gotten into you?
Whateley: I don't know, but I hope it gets into you. Yes, I worry about the mission, yes I worry about the children, but what kind of saviors can't even save their own? We need to go back for them, Ren, God damn whatever came out of that pool.
Both remain silent for several seconds.
Belloso: … fine. We'll backtrack, looking out for Schumer and Ford as we do. But if we find anything of interest to the mission along the way, we take care of it first. Alright?
Whateley: Right. And…
Both remain silent for several more seconds, before Agent Whateley sighs.
Whateley: … I'm sorry, Ren. For all of that. I just…
Belloso: You're forgiven.
The two can be heard walking off. The tape recorder is switched off shortly thereafter.
[END LOG 4]

[BEGIN LOG 8]
The tape begins with the Unknown Figure inside what is presumably the freezer from the day before. With it is another Unknown Entity, apparently still but making a constant gurgling sound.
The Unknown Figure paces around the room for several minutes before suddenly stopping. After a few seconds, it sets the tape recorder down.
Over the next minute, a wet smacking can be heard as the Unknown Entity begins screaming in apparent pain. Finally, it goes silent.
The tape recorder is switched off.
[END LOG 8]

[BEGIN LOG 14]
Unknown Girl: (distant, singing) -to the brim with girlish glee, three little maids from school! Everything is a-
The tape recorder is switched off.
[END LOG 14]

INCIDENT-5952-B SCHUMER-VELASQUEZ-FORD
On 08/08/2009 at 10:31 AM, WWSCSTT administration forcibly detained Agents Rene Belloso and Samson Whateley as they explored the campus grounds. After subjection to a round of enhanced interrogation, the two agents were informed that Luna Velasquez had gone missing, and that the SCP Foundation was considered at fault for her disappearance.
Agents Belloso and Whateley protested; however, WWSCSTT procured Junior Researcher Ford's tape recorder as evidence of collusion between SCP-5952 and the Foundation. With this in mind, WWSCSTT filed a suit against the Foundation.
Following an impromptu convention of SUSEOCT representatives, the Foundation was officially declared at fault for the disappearance of Luna Velasquez3, and subsequently coerced into paying reparations to WWSCSTT in exchange for Agents Belloso and Whateley.
Agent Amelia Schumer's remains were found on 08/14/2009.
Contrary to claims by WWSCSTT, the whereabouts of Junior Researcher Ford, SCP-5952, and Ms. Velasquez are unknown.

INCIDENT-5952-C-FORD
On 10/19/2009 at 22:01 PM, Elliot Ngo, a resident of Whitewater commuting along MS 26 from his job in the town of Starling, reported a short male of African descent dragging a bound figure of indeterminate origin along the side of the road. The pair was apprehended by the Whitewater Police Department; LITTLEKATIE.aic, which had been tasked with monitoring the executive organs of Whitewater, subsequently alerted the SCP Foundation. Mobile Task Force Gamma-691 ("When Something Interesting Happens") was immediately deployed in response.
Agents arrived at the station to find an African-American male and an entity of indeterminate species in custody; upon spotting the agents, the male immediately produced a valid ID for Junior Researcher Markus Ford. Both were taken into custody of the Foundation.
An immediate medical evaluation of Researcher Ford indicated severe malnutrition and dehydration, as well as trauma responses incongruent with their known psychological profile: Researcher Ford now displays acute cleithro-, teuthi-, and mechanophobia, as well as extended states of hypervigilance. They are mentally unfit for interrogation as of the time of writing, and have been placed on an eight month psychiatric leave.
The entity captured by Ford, presumed to be SCP-5952 and tentatively designated URA-5952, has been genetically identified as an instance of SoI-0044. At the time of recovery, it possessed numerous bruises indicative of struggle, as well as a deep puncture wound in its back. Due to the dearth of information on SoI-004 physiology, little more can be ascertained at present.
In light of Incident-5952-C-Ford, URA-5952 will be designated SCP-5952 and transferred to the jurisdiction of USNVBR-Site-56 after 1 year without incident. Until then, URA-5952 will be contained at Outpost-691 per SoI-004's guidelines.

+ Show (1) Proposed Additions

INCIDENT-5952-D ROMERO-VELASQUEZ

On 04/29/2010, the annual full-capacity activation of the Foundation PANOPTICON surveillance network was conducted. During this time, PANOPTICON's resident Artificial Intelligence Construct5 flagged footage of a teenage girl in a public park in Toronto, Ontario. A review by the office of O5-10 determined the woman to be Marie Romero, a 15-year-old Cuban-Canadian female who had recently immigrated to Canada.
When questioned, however, ASE.aic denied that the figure was Ms. Romero, insisting her to be the missing Luna Velasquez.
Foundation Overwatch was initially skeptical of such claims, citing [REDACTED]. However, investigation by agents embedded in both the Canadian and Cuban governments revealed severe inconsistencies in Ms. Romero's documentation. Furthermore, medical records of Celia Fernandez, Ms. Romero's maternal guardian, were inconsistent with those expected during Ms. Romero's birth, and no formal adoption documentation relating to either of her guardians could be found.
Agent Bowers was dispatched to investigate the Romero family, under the cover of impromptu census work.

INTERVIEW-5952-I

DATE: 05/12/2010
SUBJECT: PoI-6119 ("Marie Romero")

[BEGIN LOG 2]
Agent Bowers: Good afternoon, Ms. Romero. Or would you prefer if I call you "Marie"?
PoI-6119: Am I in trouble?
Agent Bowers: Don't worry, Ms. Romero, this is just routine survey work. Some of this might sound a bit silly, but I promise you there's no wrong answers, and once we're done I'll be on my way. Alright?
Agent Bowers observes that PoI-6119 pauses, before nodding.
Agent Bowers: Good, good. (Agent Bowers flips to the next page of his handout) Now, our records are a bit… jumbled, one could say. There's a tiny bit we need to work out in demographics. So… religiously, how would you say you identify?
PoI-6119: Er… Jewish.6
Agent Bowers: Right, right. So… how about ethnically?
PoI-6119: Well… latina? Or hispanic. I don't know if it makes a difference. I mean, I was born in Canada, so… yeah.
Agent Bowers: Eh, we'll put you down for either.
[EXTRANEOUS DATA OMITTED]
Agent Bowers: Good. (Agent Bowers flips to the next page of his handout) Now, the state of Canada is testing viral advertisement techniques in order to improve the quality of its PSAs. As part of this, you might have come across an image, video, or portion of text you may or may not recognize.
PoI-6119: Alllllright. Shoot.
Agent Bowers: Right.
Agent Bowers presents PoI-6119 with the first image, a mental primer for the two-factor Class-W Mnestic cognitohazards inserted into the subsequent pictures.
Agent Bowers: Can you tell me what this is?
PoI-6119: I… like, you mean like a rorschach?
Agent Bowers: More… what you think the image is.
PoI-6119: I… moldy garden hoses?
Agent Bowers: Right, right. This one?
Agent Bowers presents PoI-6119 with a picture of Ava Fernandez, PoI-6119's supposed maternal grandmother. Ava Fernandez died on 02/21/2008; the picture had been taken two years before.
PoI-6119: … I don't… I don't think I've seen this, no. Is it… is the brightness supposed to be like that?7
Agent Bowers: That's alright, that's part of the campaign. Now, what about this?
Agent Bowers presents PoI-6119 with an image of URA-5952.
Agent Bowers: What about-
PoI-6119: No. I haven't seen this.
Agent Bowers: Huh. This was the one we thought would work. Have you at least heard of "the Warba-"
PoI-6119: I. Haven't. Seen it.
Agent Bowers: … right. What about this?
Agent Bowers presents PoI-6119 with a print-out of the phrase "BONELESS BENEVOLENCE". Both remain silent for several seconds.
Agent Bowers: … you don't need to spend so long on it if you don't remember it. Arguably, that you don't remember it is just as helpful to know as if you did.
Both remain silent for several seconds.
Agent Bowers: Is some-
PoI-6119: Don't take me back.
Agent Bowers: … what do you mean by that?
PoI-6119: You don't have to do this. Please don't — (PoI-6119 interrupts herself with a whimper) … I promise I'm better. I'm clean.
Agent Bowers: I… don't worry, Ms. Romero, we're-
PoI-6119: I swear I've learned to love the Lord. I repudiate the egregore8. I repudiate the flesh that envies. I repudiate Eve and Lilith and the serpent and (stuttering) I, I, I s-submit to, to the Lord and his Red R-right…
PoI-6119 begins sobbing.
PoI-6119: I swear I didn't want to escape with the Warbalang, I swear I swear I swear I didn't mean to get caught and I swear I'm not troubled anymore and-
PoI-6119's words become indistinct as Agent Bowers is suddenly and forcefully dragged away from her, eliciting audible shock from him. Agent Bowers is dragged along a wooden flooring, before a door is opened.
Mrs. Fernandez: I think it's time for you to leave.
Agent Bowers is forcibly ejected from the premises.
[END LOG 2]

CLOSING NOTES: PoI-6119 and her family have refused further contact with the Foundation. Due to their exposure to mnestics, amnesticization has been delayed.
SUSEOCT prohibits further investigation of WWSCSTT.

Footnotes
1. A subsidiary branch of the Horizon Initiative active in the Southern United States, and a party to the SUSEOCT.
2. Southern United States Extranormal Organization Cooperation Treaty.
3. Of note is that GoI-5705B's representatives voted against the Foundation unanimously, the only GoI to do so.
4. A near-extinct offshoot of humanity with a highly malleable physiology, thought to have been the product of controlled breeding efforts by Homo sapiens decensus.
5. ASE.aic
6. Ms. Velasquez's family were Christian Baptists; Mrs. Fernandez is ethnically Jewish, though her family is religiously atheistic.
7. Under laboratory conditions, "brightness" has been reported among 49% of those exposed to the two-factor mnestic cognitohazards, with 76% of such cases occurring among the control group without relevant memories.
8. In certain occult sects, an "egregore" is a sapient being created from the thoughts and desires of a collective.

« SCP-5951 | SCP-5952 | SCP-5953 »

/

Christ In Scarlet

A Dove In A Chicken Pen


by stormbreath

SCP-5953 being deployed to fight the Dolphin's Posadist Republic of Indonesia. Last known photo prior to defection.

Item #: SCP-5953
Object Class: Keter
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-5953 are allowed to remain outside of containment. Individual agreements have been reached with each instance, ensuring cooperation with the Foundation. All members have agreed to remain in the isolated ocean, and avoid contact with the outside world.
Description: SCP-5953 is a group of thirty Tursiops truncatus (Common bottlenose dolphins) that were anomalously augmented by the United States Navy Marine Mammal Program from 1964 to 1987, at the direction and assistance of PENTAGRAM. SCP-5953 was intended to train a new class of soldier capable of performing tasks underwater, such as ship protection, mine clearance and reconnaissance.
Key modifications made to SCP-5953 include:

Tethering consciousness of dolphins to pre-existing, disembodied thought-form entities residing in the human noosphere, causing the fusion of both minds. Resulting combination minds had human level intelligence.
Implanting of synthetic voice box, allowing for synthesized human speech.
Integrating various forms of electronic detection systems into the brain, allowing them to be used as traditional senses. Includes sonar, radio and Kant counters.
Genetically modifying with DNA sourced from the Scarlet King, with slight adaptations for compatibility with dolphin physiology rather than whale. Increased vitality, lifespan and physical size of specimens.
Education in various magical principles. Each SCP-5953 was educated by former ICSUT professors, and given a degree equivalent from the institution.

In 1987, an armed conflict between the Dolphin's Posadist Republic of Indonesia and the Great Barrier Reef Empire-In-Exile resulted in the United States Navy becoming aware of the existence of SCP-3932. The communist leanings of the Dolphin's Posadist Republic of Indonesia resulted in the United States Navy determining the dolphins were a threat, and beginning to plan countermeasures to prevent a united underwater cetacean Communist state.
The entirety of active SCP-5953 instances were deployed to assist the Great Barrier Reef Confederacy in its war against the DPRI. Upon arrival, all SCP-5953 instances immediately defected from the US Navy and denounced American imperialism.
The various members of SCP-5953 began to ingratiate themselves into the society of the three SCP-3932-Δ nations. Due to their advanced intelligence and military education under the United States Navy, most quickly ascended to lead the militaries of the three states. During their control of the militaries, combat was improved strategically but saw a marked reduction in casualties. A détente was soon declared following that, entering into a period of cold war.

INTERVIEW LOG TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Warlowe: We weren't sure if you'd be willing to show up.
SCP-5953-30: I wasn't sure if I was either. Still not particularly sure. Only the thought that I could knock everyone out here is keeping me here.
Dr. Warlowe: You're the first one that's been willing to actually talk to us. We've been trying to get ahold of any of you ever since you defected.
SCP-5953-30: Not that surprising. Even putting aside the fact that we don't really find your association with our creators agreeable, we've all been rather busy since then.
Dr. Warlowe: You're not busy?
SCP-5953-30: Just stepped down from my former position yesterday, actually. I'm retired, of a sort. I'm sure it won't last long.
Dr. Warlowe: Why not? You think you'll get drawn back into the role?
SCP-5953-30: Yeah. It's not a question of if but when. I don't age and I'm smarter than any of them. Something is going to go wrong one of these days, and they'll need me to fix it. Might take years, but it'll happen. Immortals don't really retire.
Dr. Warlowe: I get the sense you don't feel like you belong down there?
SCP-5953-30: Ha, you could say that. Yeah. I'm bigger than any of them, stronger, smarter, everything. I've got fucking godblood in me. They took the Scarlet King's DNA and just spliced it into the rest of me. An actual goddamn demon.
Dr. Warlowe: Ah. Yeah, I can see feeling out of place in that circumstance.
SCP-5953-30: You'd think, but I actually never felt more at home than down with them. They're my people and there's no denying that fact. I said I don't belong. I feel that, yeah. Feel both. But I feel that I belong more than I feel that I don't.
Dr. Warlowe: Why's that?
SCP-5953-30: You're fucking humans, for god's sake. Why do I think that I fit in with the dolphins better? Because they're actually still dolphins. Even if I'm a god, they're my mortals.
SCP-5953-30: That was the whole bit we played up when we got down there. It wasn't just "oh, we're super powered dolphins and we're here to help!", it was "We're angels, and we're here to save you." Didn't mention it was from themselves, of course.
Dr. Warlowe: Is this related to the reason that you defected?
SCP-5953-30: Sure was. I grow up my whole life being raised by primates, and then you're surprised when I leave them behind as soon as I find people I can actually connect to? We spent our whole life in captivity up to that point. I didn't think there was anyone like me in the entire world. Are you really surprised?
Dr. Warlowe: No. I don't think I am. It's more surprising your handlers thought it was a good idea to send you to war.
SCP-5953-30: Well, they forgot to realize we were people. With our own emotions. We were just weapons to them.
Dr. Warlowe: Right. We've seen that you've reduced war-time deaths and even gott-
SCP-5953-30: Yeah, yeah, yeah. The détente. We kept up with what was going in the outside world and we looked at our little group of dolphins. There are barely any, by the way. Total population is something like 75,000. Could be wiped out in an instant. And they're constantly trying to kill each other.
Dr. Warlowe: So you took control of the militaries in order to stop wars?
SCP-5953-30: That was the plan, yeah. Had to slow it down and cool things off before we could get it to a stalemate, but we got it there. Took a while.
Dr. Warlowe: What's the plan now?
SCP-5953-30: Honestly? I'm not sure. We've saved them, for the moment, for now. But they're not out of the woods yet. But I guess, that's why I'm here to talk to you.
Dr. Warlowe: Oh?
SCP-5953-30: I know how you operate. You want to keep anomalies around, for whatever reason. You're not the type to wipe us out. You want us alive, don't you?
Dr. Warlowe: Yes. At least on some level. We don't want you dead.
SCP-5953-30: Just what I wanted to hear. I feel like I'm making a deal with the devil, but ah. I think I'm the devil in this situation.

« SCP-5952 | SCP-5953 | SCP-5954 »


Still from recovered civilian videotape, documenting the emergence of SCP-5954.

Item #: SCP-5954
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: A team of Foundation ethnobotanical researchers has been retained at Site-77 to study its form and foster its cooperation in studying other plant-based anomalies. Certain privileges have been afforded to SCP-5954 to ensure its future cooperation, including a prerogative over any mundane houseplants possessed by Foundation employees and contractors at Site-77.
Controlled release of its gases is performed by Mobile Task Force Psi-7. This process is embarrassing for SCP-5954, and care should be taken to ensure its comfort and future cooperation with containment operations.
Description: SCP-5954 is an amalgamation of organic materials taxonomically classified within the Eukaryotic domain and Plantae kingdom. SCP-5954 is sapient, possessing cognitive capabilities comparable to an adult human, and self-identifies as “Stakemaster of the Vines, Protector of Potting Soils, defender of Fertilized Civilization, sixth of his name Ferda Lorenzo.”
While SCP-5954 can incorporate any matter composed of plant cells into its body, it has only attempted absorbing vegetables grown under its supervision. The cells do not need to be alive, and once absorbed typically begin dying after 4-6 weeks. Decomposing plant matter causes flammable gas build-up within SCP-5954, which will ignite unexpectedly and without warning.
Although capable of communicating with both humans and plants, SCP-5954 primarily communes with the latter. SCP-5954 is disinterested in speaking unless it can talk about plants or “my medical condition.”1
SCP-5954 enjoys cultivating plants, possessing the capability to detect their emotional state post-germination. While being willing to listen to Foundation horologists, SCP-5954 habitually dismisses their advice in caring for plants. Generally, SCP-5954's personality can be described as cooperative but temperamental, preferring things to be done a certain way.
History: Although claiming to have lived for several centuries in “The Kingdom of Elrich” SCP-5954's existence only became known to the Foundation following its emergence from the Atlantic Ocean on 09/18/1981.
Its explosive by-product was pronounced, causing damage to several civilian structures and multiple casualties before Mobile Task Force Psi-7 could be scrambled in response. Following containment, the damage was attributed to a violent waterspout triggering a gas leak.
Survivors were admitted to Safe Contour Therapy Practitioners, a Foundation front, where they were convinced what they saw was the result of traumatic psychosis. The stigma of mental illness is believed to be enough to ensure their continued silence on the incident.

Containment Log Transcript

Access Granted

Preface: Agents of Psi-7 were transported via helicopter to Miami Beach, where police reports of a ‘bomb-throwing garden shed' had been reported alongside widespread urban destruction. Transcript begins following their drop-off as they followed the trail of damage and fire to SCP-5954's location.
<Begin log>
Ekblad: Command, this is Commander Calvin Ekblad, we've arrived on the beach, over.
Command: Confirmed. Check in, all agents, over.
Bjugstad: Bjugstad here, looks like a lot of churned-up sand. See a few beach towels, umbrellas, but doesn't look like there were a lot of people here. Lifeguard stand is toast, over.
Dam: Hannah Dam checking in. Just finished inspecting the surf, there's a trail of seaweed dragged out of the water and onto the sand. But it stops right by a crater in the sand, like someone buried a grenade after pulling the pin, over.
Jefferson: Blah blah, Chuck Jefferson, over. Dam, you don't know a damned thing about grenades. For one thing, you wouldn't have time to bury it after you pulled the pin, not least because the depth you'd need to make the crater this size'd be-
Dam: I wasn't speaking in any professional capacity on craters or bombs, I think we all know how metaphors work.
Jefferson: Do they? I've never heard a metaphor that worked as intended. Similes, on the other hand-
Ekblad: Enough. There's an arm sticking out of the beach here.
Bjugstad: Anybody attached?
Ekblad: Negative. Only identifying marks… paint on the remaining nails, with ring tan on a finger. Let's move out. Nothing more we can do here. We can inspect the scene after the skip is inert. Command, you reading us still, over?
Command: Loud and clear. Proceed with the mission. Law enforcement is evacuating the area.
Ekblad: Perfect. Thank you, over.
Bjugstad: Command, we're heading out to the street. Not as much obvious destruction, apart from scorch marks and what's left of a fire hydrant, over.
Dam: There's no remains left, looks like it's losing pressure too.
Jefferson: Char marks smell like methane. Collecting some of the residue.
Ekblad: I've got visual contact. Directly ahead of us.Ekblad: Bjugs, initiate communication. I've got you covered.
Bjugstad approaches SCP-5954
Bjugstad: Do you understand me?Bjugstad: What is your condition?Bjugstad: Can you speak in plain terms? And we're willing to assist you, if you come with us willingly.Dam: Command, we might need extraction by sea. The anomaly-
SCP-5954's lower body is ruptured by an explosion, scorching a mailbox while incinerating its content, shattering the glass facades of several nearby businesses, and spraying dead seaweed onto the Psi-7 agents.
Dam: … The anomaly would not be suited for air transport.
Jefferson: I like this one. Can we keep it?
</End Log>

Addendum: Dr. Chelsea Elliot was flown in from the United States following SCP-5954's containment, as her expertise in anomalous vegetation was relevant to studying SCP-5954. The following transcript is from an interview which took place directly before Incident 5954-H.

Interview Transcript

Access Granted

<Begin Log>
Elliot: Good morning, 5954.Elliot: We can't rehash this every time I sit down to speak with you. It was difficult enough to convince my higher-ups that to give you the respect of using the title in written communications.Elliot: You know I can't tell you that.Elliot: Speaking of buds, I've heard you're not happy with the plants you've been allowed to care for. Is that right, 5954?Elliot: I sympathize. Sometimes I walk through the cubicles here and wonder what people are thinking, leaving their houseplants half-dead.Elliot: Oh, erm, not on purpose. Some of them take very good care of their plants. I know I do.Elliot: I'm sorry, I really am. I'll be back to finish up tonight. We can talk about ways to help these plants out, okay?</End Log>

Addendum: Incident 5954-H
On 04/12/1984, SCP-5954's containment chamber was checked as part of standard security protocols and found to be vacant. A subsequent search of Site-77's upper levels found that all houseplants in the personnel work and living spaces had also vanished.
Both SCP-5954 and the missing plants were subsequently re-discovered back inside of its containment chamber.

Access Debriefing Transcript

Access Granted

<Begin Log>Elliot: You've got to be kidding me. Ferda, what if your… medical condition flared up out there? Someone could've gotten hurt. What if you'd burned a shrubbery?Elliot: You can't just go taking other people's things. We were working together to help take care of them, right? What happened to that?Elliot: You're being dramatic, it's not on death's door.Elliot: Oh, that poor thing. I'll see if I can get it some more help. But still. That doesn't mean you're allowed to come and go as you please. We've got you in this spot for a reason.Elliot: … So, you're saying these plants were causing you psychic pain?Elliot: That… we can work with that.
</End Log>
Postscript: SCP-5954 has been given purview over houseplants within Site-77; any personnel wishing to have plants at their desks or in their living areas will be provided with plastic replicas until they are approved by Dr. Elliot.

Footnotes
1. A euphemism SCP-5954 uses to describe its spontaneous combustion.

« SCP-5953 | SCP-5954 | SCP-5955 »


Item #: SCP-5955
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: Due to the size and physical properties of SCP-5955, complete containment has been deemed impossible, but partial physical containment is being upheld. To that end, a loose perimeter has been set up around SCP-5955 using buoys.
On the night of July 3rd, from 20:00 to 05:00, the lights of the establishments on the Atlantic City boardwalk are to remain off in order to avoid degrading SCP-5955-1 instances. Oceanic Task Force Delta-7 ("Bay Watchers") are to deter any civilian ships away from the mass of SCP-5955 and supplied with Standard Cover Story 51 - "Intensive Weather". OTF Delta-7 are to guide SCP-5955-1 instances away from the coast of Atlantic City, New Jersey to ensure civilian safety. Efforts to repurpose SCP-5955-1 instances for Foundation use are currently underway.
For the remainder of the year, SCP-5955 must be "fed" two thousand kilograms of plastic, styrofoam, discarded fishing gear, and other refuse every two weeks. Any notable shrinkage in SCP-5955's mass is to be reported to the Site-45 director. Depending on the amount of mass lost, anywhere from one to four additional unmanned trash boats are to be set on a collision course with the area SCP-5955 resides. Recovery of these boats should be performed if possible. Two Scranton Reality Anchors ("SRAs") are to remain on opposite sides of SCP-5955's perimeter to disable SCP-5955's anomalous magnetism, and to ensure anomalous weather behavior does not occur. SCP-5955 must weigh at least four tons to ensure its primary ability properly disables. If SCP-5955 weighs any less than four tons at any time, its primary ability will re-enable regardless of SRA presence.
Description: SCP-5955 is a large sphere composed of human flesh. For the majority of the year, SCP-5955 remains hidden underwater. Despite this, SCP-5955 attracts refuse within a radius of about thirty meters to itself, suctioning the collected waste under water. Each year on July third from 20:00 to 05:00 UCT, SCP-5955 will rise from beneath the water, remaining stationary in the air.
During this period, a collection of autonomous mechanisms composed of various waste materials (designated SCP-5955-1) will emerge from SCP-5955. SCP-5955-1 instances vary in appearance, although all instances to date appeared to resemble different wildlife native to Atlantic City. A list of specific SCP-5955-1 instances is available upon request.
After emergence, SCP-5955-1 instances begin to roam the coast within 150 kilometers of Atlantic City and collect foreign materials from the surrounding area. In the presence of artificial light, SCP-5955-1 instances will begin to rapidly degrade. This causes SCP-5955 to produce instances at a rapid rate, and expand its magnetism to 100 meters. Before SCP-5955-1 instances return to SCP-5955, at least one will use collected refuse to spell out a message on the boardwalk. After SCP-5955-1 instances complete refuse collection at 4:55, they will transport discovered materials beneath SCP-5955. SCP-5955 will then absorb collected refuse and SCP-5955-1 and re-submerge beneath the ocean surface.
Addendum: SCP-5955 Yearly Behavior
The following records notable behavior during SCP-5955's years of activity.

Year
Notable Behavior
SCP-5955-1 Messages

1975
First year of activity.
The turtles appreciate your effort! Please pick this up now!

1986
SCP-5955 discharges a small amount of mucus.
Trash is icky. Please pick this up now!

1990
SCP-5955's anterior appears slightly swelled.
I want the beaches pretty! Please pick this up now!

1994
SCP-5955's epidermis gains a few dry rashes.
Fishies want your help! Please pick this up now!

1996
SCP-5955's posterior appears slightly swelled.
Cigarettes are gross. Please pick this up now!

1999
All of the previous changes to SCP-5955 are not present.
Thanks to those who keep the beaches pretty!

2001
SCP-5955 discharges a significant amount of mucus.
Please help! The ocean needs you!

2004
SCP-5955's epidermis appears pale.
The garbage is icky.

2006
A small collection of blisters forms on SCP-5955's posterior. SCP-5955 is slightly smaller than normal; its size returns when supplied with additional refuse by Delta-7 operatives.
Thanks for helping me with the trash! I thought you gave up

2010
SCP-5955's epidermis is dry and cracked.
The ocean needs you!

2012
SCP-5955's epidermis is pale red. SCP-5955-1 instance production doubles.
The ocean needs you please

2013
SCP-5955's epidermis is pale green.
Why can't you help

2014
SCP-5955's epidermis is swelled. SCP-5955 emits a putrid odor.
Do you not like me I just want to help

2015
SCP-5955 begins to undergo putrefaction, and its magnetism disables.
Your help is needed

2016
SCP-5955 appears unchanged. It produces a notably smaller amount of SCP-5955-1 instances.
Please help

2017
SCP-5955 is now significantly smaller; its size does not grow when supplied with additional refuse. While it absorbs the collected refuse, pieces of the collection fall out of SCP-5955.
Please

2018
SCP-5955 produces approximately a dozen SCP-5955-1 instances.
Please

2019
SCP-5955 is unable to absorb the collected trash.
Please

2020
SCP-5955 does not produce SCP-5955-1. It remains stationary in the air.
N/A

SCP-5955 has not reemerged, nor shown any signs of activity. Re-classification to neutralized is pending.

« SCP-5954 | SCP-5955 | SCP-5956 »


Item#: 5958

Level3

Containment Class:
keter

Secondary Class:
none

Disruption Class:
keneq

Risk Class:
warning

link to memo

Artistic depiction of Historical Incident 5958-1. Rightmost individual depicted is believed to be SCP-5958, while all others are instances of SCP-5958-1 .

Special Containment Procedures: All government photographic records that the Foundation has access to are to be periodically scanned for individuals matching the description of SCP-5958. In the event of a confirmed location, Mobile Task Force Zeta-18 ("Rabble Rousers") are to be dispatched to the area with orders to capture and contain SCP-5958. MTF Zeta-18 are equipped with long-range tranquilizing equipment, and are not to approach within thirty meters of SCP-5958.
All other children within the area of an SCP-5958 sighting are to be considered potential hostiles, and care is to be taken by personnel to avoid arousing their suspicions when pursuing SCP-5958. Any confirmed instances of SCP-5958-1 are to be brought into containment and held until their anomalous effects abate. In cases where SCP-5958-1 instances must be terminated in the fields, cover stories are to be arranged on a case-by-case basis.
Mobile Task Force Beta-18 ("Clean Sweep") is permanently assigned to cover-up duty following SCP-5958 appearances. Depending on the level of casualties once the initial situation is resolved, this team is to recontextualize said deaths and distribute a suitable level of amnestics en-masse. Any evidence of the SCP-5958 appearance prior to this correction is to be tracked down and destroyed. Management and obfuscation of SCP-5958 sightings prior to the year 1900 is under the purview of the Historical Department, which will operate separately in this regard.
In the event that SCP-5958 is successfully captured, it is to be transported to Installation-92, where subsequent containment procedures have already been prepared. This file will be updated at that time.
Description: SCP-5958 is an entity bearing the appearance of a prepubescent human of ambiguous sex and age, which is believed to have existed since at least the year 1212.
Although the fact that SCP-5958 has not yet been brought into custody prevents full investigation of its biology and greater nature, records from previous sightings have provided some information on its identifying characteristics. SCP-5958, regardless of which identity it is currently operating under, has been observed to possess long blonde hair and golden eyes. Typically, it will assume the identity of a runaway child or orphan, presumably in order to justify its lack of family members to those it interacts with.
SCP-5958 possesses significant psionic1 abilities, having demonstrated the ability to lift objects of up to 4500lbs at a range believed to be up to twenty-five meters. The most common use of this is attack or defense via throwing surrounding objects at extreme speeds, but SCP-5958 has also demonstrated the capacity for finer manipulation — such as directly puppeteering the bodies of nearby individuals and making fine adjustments to their internal biology, usually for the purposes of inflicting pain or bodily harm.
Since its original appearance in 1212, SCP-5958 has repeatedly appeared in various locations around the world — with a significant amount of casualties invariably following, both as a result of its own behaviour and the behaviour of SCP-5958-1 instances. This human suffering appears to be the primary objective behind its behaviour, as it has not been observed to pursue any other goals during its appearances.
When SCP-5958 appears in an area, it will often attempt to ingratiate itself with the local child population, often presenting itself as a friend or playmate when children are in an area outside of adult observation. In the majority of cases, the other children will reciprocate this attention, and — over the course of several weeks — become instances of SCP-5958-1.
SCP-5958-1 is the collective designation for any individual under the age of thirteen who has fallen under the influence of SCP-5958. The only physical marker of this change is a slight yellowing of iris colour, which increases in intensity the longer they remain in proximity to SCP-5958. Regardless of the state of this visual indicator, instances of SCP-5958-1 experience the same anomalous changes:

A strong sense of loyalty towards both SCP-5958 and other children.
A strong antipathy towards any individual over the age of thirteen, regardless of prior relationship.
A significantly reduced level of empathy towards others.
Development of sadistic tendencies, exclusively aimed at individuals over the age of thirteen.
Development of psionic prowess comparable to SCP-5958's own, barring a lack of fine manipulation capability.

Note that pre-existing personality traits will be retained during this process, and an SCP-5958-1 instance will lose its anomalous properties and return to its previous state if separated from SCP-5958 for an extensive length of time. However, in the majority of cases where this has occurred, the instance has suffered from severe trauma as a result of actions they have taken while under SCP-5958's influence.
Once a large number of SCP-5958-1 instances have been assembled, SCP-5958 will generally prompt them to take part in a mass demonstration of their newfound abilities, often resulting in high casualties among the local adult population. SCP-5958 will generally abandon the SCP-5958-1 instances at some point during this process, presumably to avoid the authorities that will inevitably respond.

Historical Incident 5958-1

The first known appearance of SCP-5958 occurred in the year 1212, and led to the event referred to in history as the Children's Crusade.
During this first appearance, SCP-5958 took on the moniker of 'Stephen of Cloyes' and claimed to be a shepherd boy who had received a vision from Christ, ordering it to lead a crusade to retake the Holy Land. Under this pretext, SCP-5958 amassed a large number of followers — the majority being children who later became SCP-5958-1 instances — and led them across the country of France, devastating numerous communities as it passed through them.
Following an attempt on the life of King Phillip II, mercenaries led by the Vatican's Secretorum Camerus Prophetias2 conducted a series of attacks on SCP-5958 and its followers. During this conflict, Girolamo Gallo — a member of the Secretorum Camerus Prophetias dispatched to the region — was assigned to act as a scout against SCP-5958's entourage prior to attacks. He later wrote of the experience in his personal journal3:

The devil-boy of Cloyes only left his tent when the sun came down — although the children that followed him had been reveling long before. They had just returned from ransacking the village of Aiffres, and many of the villagers had been stolen away in the process — floating above the youthful crowd as if held there by invisible string.
This Stephen of Cloyes looked from each of these unfortunates to another, his face beatific, and as he did their bodies twisted and split like branches snapped in half, their insides spilling down like rain. The children pranced and danced long into the night in that downpour, and their laughter was unending.
As I prepared to leave my position in the undergrowth, the devil-boy looked at me — and I felt the fear of God — but he only smiled and nodded towards the floating carcasses as if showing me his good work. I fled for my life immediately.
When I hear the sound of children's laughter now, my heart no longer feels peace, but a great horror that never fades. I recall the golden eyes of Stephen of Cloyes.

The majority of the SCP-5958-1 instances following SCP-5958 were killed during the attacks conducted by the Secretorum Camerus Prophetias, and those that were not scattered and fled — either expiring in the wilderness or losing their anomalous properties and fading out of recorded history. Several members of the Secretorum Camerus Prophetias claimed to have slain SCP-5958 following their return to the Vatican, but it is believed these reports are false due to contradictory details.
It is speculated that SCP-5958 made several appearances around the world over the following years, but these incidents have not yet been confirmed due to lack of historical documentation.
The next confirmed appearance of SCP-5958 was in the year 1284, in the German town of Hamelin. Evidence suggests that, over the course of several weeks, SCP-5958 converted the majority of the town's child population into instances of SCP-5958-1 and led them into an armed revolt against the town's adult population. This led to massive casualties among both groups.
Following this event, SCP-5958 adopted the pattern of appearances that has continued to this day.

Incident 5958-1

Photograph retrieved from Mark Grierson's phone, believed to depict SCP-5958. File was named 'Anna'.

The most prominent appearance of SCP-5958 in the modern day occurred on March 8th, 2013, and became known to the public as the Grierson Murder. While evidence of the anomalous factors that contributed to this event has been successfully expunged from public record, full obfuscation was not possible due to the involved family's prominence in society, along with immediate widespread reporting of the crime.
The two individuals implicated in the crime — Mark Grierson, 11, and Lucas Grierson, 12 — are believed to have come into contact with SCP-5958 several weeks prior. In this case, SCP-5958 was known to the pair as 'Anna', and they frequently met up with the entity at the local park after school. During this time, they became instances of SCP-5958-1.
It is unknown whether the Grierson Murder was something that SCP-5958 specifically instructed the pair to carry out, or if it simply followed from the behavioral changes brought about by becoming SCP-5958-1 instances.
On the evening of 08/03/2018, Mark and Lucas Grierson's parents, actors Harry and Philomena Grierson, left their home for an anniversary dinner. They hired neighbor Susan Stone, 18, to babysit their two sons during this time. Stone had looked after the children numerous times previously, and was considered a close friend of the family.
Due to the presence of a home security system in the Grierson household, video recordings of the ensuing events are available — this system did not record audio, however. The following is an extract from the relevant portion of said log:

[BEGIN RECORDING]

18:12: Mark, Lucas and Susan are sat in the living room, watching television. Susan is sat on one side of the couch, while Mark and Lucas are sat on the opposite end — they appear to be making a conscious effort to maintain space between themselves and Susan. Susan glances at the two boys, looking confused, but does not comment.
18:15: Mark leans towards Lucas and appears to whisper something into his ear. Lucas looks towards Susan, then nods. Following this, Lucas then gets up from the couch, says something to Susan — who nods — and then proceeds to leave the room.
18:16: Lucas enters the family garage and begins rummaging around in a box of miscellaneous affects.
18:17: Mark walks into the kitchen and pours himself a glass of Coke, spilling some of it in the process. He also retrieves a box of matches from a high drawer via use of a chair. He then returns to the living room and sits down on the couch. Susan says something to him, but he appears to ignore her.
18:19: Lucas retrieves a wooden baseball bat from the box and proceeds back towards the living room.
18:20: Lucas enters the living room, baseball bat in hand, and begins sneaking up behind Susan.
18:21: Susan says something and begins getting up from the couch. Lucas swings the baseball bat towards her head as she gets up, but misses. Appearing alarmed, Susan whirls around and snatches the bat from his hands, pointing a finger towards him as she scolds him. Mark glances towards Susan.
18:22: Susan suddenly goes flying into the far wall with such force that cracks are left in its surface. The light fixture on the ceiling sways slightly from residual force. After floating in place for a moment, Susan falls away from the wall, unconscious.
18:23: Mark gets up from the couch, looks towards Lucas, and says something to him. Lucas moves behind the television and begins unplugging the cabling.
18:24: Mark proceeds towards the garage, retrieves a bucket, and places it next to the fuel tank of the family's second car. Lucas retrieves the cabling from behind the television and uses it to bind Susan's arms and legs.
18:25: A large hole suddenly appears in the vehicle's fuel tank — presumably through application of psionic force — and fuel begins spilling out into the bucket. Mark kneels down and holds the bucket steady as it is filled.
18:27: Susan begins to recover consciousness, and visibly panics and protests when she becomes aware of her situation. Lucas, appearing irritated, tears up a cushion from the couch and uses a strip of it as a makeshift gag to silence her.
18:28: Mark stands up and takes the bucket, allowing the remaining fuel to spill onto the ground as he proceeds back towards the living room.
18:29: After returning to the living room, Mark briefly speaks with Lucas, and then points in the direction of the backyard. Susan visibly thrashes against her restraints, but is ignored.
18:30: Mark, Lucas and Susan move towards the backyard — Susan being transported via psionic force used by one or both of the brothers. Once outside, they place Susan on the grass. Lucas pours the bucket of fuel onto Susan.
18:31: When Mark takes the box of matches from his pocket, Susan's struggling visibly increases in fervor. Neither Mark nor Lucas acknowledge this.
18:32: Lucas takes a match from Mark, lights it, and throws it at Susan. She quickly catches alight and begins burning alive. Lucas points towards her as she burns, smiles at Mark, and says something. Mark nods.
18:33: Mark and Lucas observe the burning Susan.
18:34: Mark and Lucas continue to observe the burning Susan. Mark appears to grow bored, hands the remaining matches to Lucas, and heads back inside.
18:35: Lucas sits down in a deckchair and continues to observe the burning Susan — who is barely visible at this point due to significant amounts of smoke. Lights in other houses in the area are beginning to turn on.
18:36: Mark goes upstairs to his room, turns on his computer, and begins playing the video game Minecraft. As he plays, the burning Susan is clearly visible and presumably audible through the window next to him. He does not take notice of this, and plays without interruption.
18:37: Lucas appears to have fallen asleep in his deckchair. A shadow is visible on the grass, indicating someone is standing just out of sight of the camera.
18:38: Susan writhes on the grass.
18:40: Susan ceases movement. The shadow leaves the frame.

[END RECORDING]

Local authorities arrived shortly after, alerted by neighbours who spotted the smoke, and apprehended Mark and Lucas Grierson. Susan Stone was declared dead at the scene by paramedics.
Journalists — also alerted by a neighbor — arrived shortly after at the same time as Harry and Philomena Grierson. Details of the crime, with anomalous aspects fortunately not yet discovered, were broadcast on national news that same night. Shortly after, MTF Beta-18 were able to infiltrate the ensuing investigation and remove evidence of anomalous phenomena.
Both Mark and Lucas Grierson remain in the prison system to this day, having been transferred there from juvenile detention after turning eighteen. SCP-5958 could not be located following the Grierson Murder, and is believed to have left the area immediately after it occurred.

Incident 5958-2

On 03/11/2020, evidence of SCP-5958's presence was found in Dustal, Russia, following the discovery that all police officers at the local station had been killed over the course of half an hour. Inspection of the scene showed the causes of death as a mixture of exsanguination, strangulation, blunt force trauma, bodily detonation, and self-inflicted gunshot wounds.
Records recovered from the station revealed that, earlier that night, one of the officers assigned to the station — one Aleksei Orlov — had picked up a suspected runaway child while out on patrol and brought them back to the station. This child is believed to have been SCP-5958, and the following recovered recording was an interview conducted shortly before the massacre:

[BEGIN RECORDING]

Aleksei Orlov: Got something warm for you. Drink up.Aleksei Orlov: (laughs) Well, I try to be. It's important to be nice to people, you know? You too. It's not a good thing — to run away like that.Aleksei Orlov: Hey, hey, it's okay. Lots of kids run away from home. Nobody's mad at you, we just want to get you back where you belong. It's cold outside, you could catch your death. Where do you live? Do you know your home address?Aleksei Orlov: Your family moves around a lot?Aleksei Orlov: Everybody has some kind of family. I — um. Did I tell you my name? Have we met before?

(Pause.)
Aleksei Orlov: Right, right. Sorry. (laughs) It's these late-night shifts, you know. It's way past both our bedtimes.Aleksei Orlov: Look who's curious. Come on, Miss, we're talking about you right now. What address does your family live at? Do you have a home number we could call your parents at?Aleksei Orlov: (sighs) Yes, a daughter around your age. Now can you please just answer the question?
(Pause.)

Aleksei Orlov: (quietly) Let's not get cheeky now, okay?
(Sounds of footsteps heading towards the door. They suddenly stop.)

Aleksei Orlov: (choking sounds)Aleksei Orlov: (choking sounds)

(Sounds of cracking.)

(Loud snapping noise. Sounds of choking cease. Pause.)

(Sound of footsteps, moving towards the door. Sound of door opening. Sound of multiple gunshots.)
(Pause.)
(Sound of laughter.)

[END RECORDING]

Footnotes
1. Remote manipulation of matter using the mind.
2. Known Foundation precursor group.
3. Updated for purposes of legibility. Original text available upon request from the Historical Department.

« SCP-5957 | SCP-5958 | SCP-5959 »


Item #: SCP-5960
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: All known instances of SCP-5960 are held in low-risk anomalous item storage in Site-309. Disinformation Campaign 181 "Snake Oil" is to remain in effect until 99% of instances are confirmed to be within Foundation inventory. Standard recovery and amnesticization procedures are to be carried out should another Shell-Event be detected.
PoI-6223 is currently under surveillance in Containment Cell 044. In the event that they emerge, they are to be briefly interrogated to gauge their understanding of reality, then reintegrated into society.
Description: SCP-5960 is a beauty product sold as a revitalization cream. Notably, the sole active ingredient is peanut butter, specifically of the "chunky" variety. When applied to the skin, it produces a variety of effects, including wrinkle reduction, liver spot removal, and acne removal. It is also an effective moisturizer, hair growth stimulant, and arthritis relief option in addition to being edible and non-toxic.
While there is only one listed active ingredient, there are several listed inactive ingredients, most of which are commonly used in non-anomalous cosmetic products. Extensive testing has yielded no conclusive results regarding which combination of ingredients is the root cause for SCP-5960's anomalous properties.
SCP-5960 was first discovered on November 14th, 2010, when it became available at Walgreens stores in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Soon after, a series of late-night infomercials began airing, featuring SCP-5960 inventor and spokesperson Jonathan "Johnny" Webbey (designated PoI-6223). These infomercials begin with two women and PoI-6223 applying SCP-5960 to their faces and arms. There will always be a continuous shot of one of the two women displayed on screen. Throughout the showcase, several testimonials will play while PoI-6223 comments on his own experiences with unhealthy skin in his old age. After the last testimonial has aired, all participants will remove SCP-5960 to reveal that their skin has benefited from it, supplementing with before-and-after comparisons.
PoI-6223 reportedly used a similar tactic when doing live showcases of the product, applying SCP-5960 onto his face, neck, and arms while pulling audiences members to try the product themselves. As it always guaranteed fast results, it quickly became known to the general public within two months of active distribution.

Video Log: The following log was taken from a video interview between PoI-6223 and radio host Tom MacNamara, uploaded onto the KEUR FM YouTube channel on January 22nd, 2011.

<BEGIN LOG>
MacNamara: Welcome back, everyone. This is Tom and you are listening to KEUR 99.7 FM. Now, with me in the studio today, you may have heard of him and his, uh, his beauty product, "Webbey's Original Revitalizing Cream". He's been causing a lot of buzz around the internet lately, it's Mr. Johnny Webbey himself. How're you doing, Johnny?
PoI-6223: I'm doing great, thanks for having me. How are you?
MacNamara: Oh, I'm doing pretty good myself! I get to talk to you, after all. You're famous!
PoI-6223: [Laughter] I don't know about that. I'm just an old man.
MacNamara: Sure, sure, sure. Now, Mr. Webbey—
PoI-6223: Yes.
MacNamara: It's no doubt that you've gone "viral" on the internet—
PoI-6223: Yesss.
MacNamara: So tell us, how has that affected you?
PoI-6223: I'm actually not really that bothered by it. I thought I might be, but it turns out it's good for business, and it's been very beneficial to the mission, so I welcome it. Open arms, I welcome it.
MacNamara: That's good spirit. Now, what do you mean by "the mission"? What's the, uh, what's the goal here?
PoI-6223: The goal in mind here is so simple, Tom: to look good! You and me, we're getting older every day, and it shows, doesn't it? It shows in your face, in your posture, in your speech, all sorts of ways. I figure that, hey, we deserve to look good in our old age, right? So, I'm doing what I can to accomplish that.
MacNamara: Can't say I disagree. I think I speak for all of us when I say you're doing the Lord's work out there.
PoI-6223: I'm just doing what I would want for everyone else.
MacNamara: Sure. So, I gotta ask: a lot of people have been bringing this up online. I'm sure you've heard it by now, too. After all, when you get success like this, there's bound to be a few skeptics out there. Anyway, a lot of people have been pointing out the ingredients listed here, specifically the peanut butter… Mind explaining that?
PoI-6223: To be honest, Tom? There's not much to explain there. It's peanut butter. Simple as that.
MacNamara: Sure, okay, but how do you make that decision? Why peanut butter?
PoI-6223: Funny story, actually. One day, I was making myself a PB&J sandwich — I'm more than 60 years old and I still enjoy them, believe it or not — and I had an itch on my nose. So, I scratch it. And I smear some peanut butter on my face. Well, I'm a bit of a clean freak—
MacNamara laughs loudly.
PoI-6223: It's true, it's true! I don't like getting too messy. So, I go to the bathroom to wash it off. I see myself in the mirror with this streak of peanut butter across my cheek and on my nose and I think, "Man, when I was a kid, I could care less about what got on my face!" One of those "Oh, to be young again" moments. And that's where I got the idea for it. I learned how to make my own peanut butter from home, figured out some of the finer stuff about cosmetics… and here we are!
MacNamara: That's all well and good, Johnny, but that doesn't really answer my question about how the peanut butter does all this.
PoI-6223: Ha, well, let's just say it's a company secret, then. I still got to make a living, you know.
MacNamara: Sure, sure. And I hope you'll forgive me for laughing a bit there. I was already having a hard time taking you seriously with all that stuff on your face.
PoI-6223: It's not a big deal. I get that a lot and I plan on getting it some more. We're still taking this out on the road and showing it to people to get the word out. I always do the demonstrations myself, too. I think it makes the customers feel a bit like they can approach you.
MacNamara: Alright, well, thanks for coming on today, Johnny. Where can people find your product?
PoI-6223: Just about anywhere they sell organic cosmetics. You can also buy some online at my website, "webbeys.biz".
MacNamara: It's been a real pleasure. And for what it's worth, you don't look a day over 40.
PoI-6223: That's the plan. Thanks for having me, Tom.
<END LOG>

Shell-Event 1: The first known Shell-Event occurred on February 11th, 2011, when PoI-6223 suddenly went missing. He was to attend a scheduled live showcasing of SCP-5960, but never arrived. As hired staff and PoI-6223 had stayed in separate hotels that evening, it was assumed that PoI-6223 was running late.
At approximately 11:30 AM, hired assistant Matthew Tallhardy contacted hotel staff to check on PoI-6223. When they had attempted to contact him via phone, he did not answer, which prompted hotel staff to enter the room. All of PoI-6223's belongings were still present, along with a near empty container of SCP-5960 in the bathroom and a large pale red peanut on the bed, covered in blankets.
The peanut, approximately 2 meters in length, was assumed to be a large prop left behind by PoI-6223 and an attempt was made to group it with the rest of his belongings. Two of the hotel staff lifted it off the bed, though it had been dropped due to the unexpected heaviness of the object. After this, witnesses present had reported they heard something similar to a child crying coming from inside the peanut.
Emergency services were called immediately after the incident. The peanut was brought into Foundation custody by embedded personnel in local medical care facilities.

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