Item #: SCP-5442
Level 2/5442

Object Class: Euclid
Classified

The Ariel Rios Federal Building, Headquarters of the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives (ATF). SCP-5442-1 is partially visible to the far left.

Special Containment Procedures: A division of Mobile Task Force Dalet-12 ("Arcanists, Demonologists, and Occultists") has been assigned to observe and covertly research SCP-5442-1. As there is no sub-division within the ATF that Dalet-12 can liaise with to conduct their investigation without risking Veil Integrity, several of them have been employed as night janitors at the Ariel Rios Federal Building. Attempts to breach through the terminating wall of SCP-5442-1, and interview any apparitions, are to be made between the hours of 1:00 AM and 4:00 AM.
The full draft of SCP-5442-2 and the contents of SCP-5442-5 are available to any Foundation staff that have sufficient clearance. Individuals with high scores on the Euler-Melborne Memetic Hazard Resistance Test are encouraged to attempt to discern the name of the department in Section 15 of SCP-5442-2.
SCP-5442-3 is contained by Congressional Whips whose loyalty has been proven by exposure to SCP-2140. These individuals are considered Level 1 personnel, and are to be used exclusively for the containment of SCP-5442-3.
SCP-5442-4 is monitored by Foundation Counter-Forensic Accountants. In the event that a purchase is made that requires a physical presence (i.e. items bought from a wholesale store), the nearest available task force is to move in, detain possible witnesses, and seize any video evidence using standard cover story 391 ("Fugitive Spotted in Area").
Description: SCP-5442 is a series of phenomena and documentation connected to a non-existent division of the United States Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives (ATF). All instances of SCP-5442 either occur or are recovered in Washington, D.C. The apparent purpose of this organization, designated SCP-5442-A, was to seize and dispose of illicit anomalous pharmaceuticals and weaponry, and arrest individuals involved with the trafficking thereof. In reality, the Unusual Incidents Unit of the FBI typically handles these cases, with aid from the Drug Enforcement Administration's 'Crypto-Pharm' Division.
SCP-5442-1 refers to a vacant corridor on the third floor of the Ariel Rios Federal Building1 in Washington, D.C. Plans for the building indicate the existence of several hundred square meters of office space in the area, as well as an evidence lockup for 'inert materials'. Despite this, the corridor terminates approximately 10 meters sooner than it does on all other floors of the building. Windows looking out from this area are visible from the outside of the Ariel Rios Building; no visible light has been able to penetrate this space, but infrared imaging has displayed a pair of humanoid figures within, one of whom has an internal body temperature high enough that it cannot be estimated using currently available technology.
Individuals working the Ariel Rios building typically avoid SCP-5442-1, due to it being devoid of any office space. However, staff at the Ariel Rios building have reported a variety of phenomena commonly associated with 'hauntings', including:

A tendency for objects of religious significance (i.e. crucifix necklaces, pocket Bibles) to become hot to the touch.
Documents pertaining to the United States Government (i.e. copies of the US Constitution, the Declaration of Independence, presidential inaugural speeches) having their text edited into nonsensical wording.
Individuals developing a belief that bullets are edible and consuming them is beneficial to one's health.
Feelings of severe anxiety over the actions of the Trump administration regarding the US Department of Justice as a whole; these persist even following the inauguration of Joseph R. Biden in 2021.
The appearance of scratches in the shape of thaumaturgical sigils; while seemingly random, several of them correspond to a Tartarean Entity known as 'The Greedy Thing Without Face or Name', known for stealing the appearance, function, and memories of the thing that the individual who summoned it loves the most, in exchange for boons.
An apparition of a masculine African-American individual in their mid-to-late-50's wearing a grey suit, and an American flag pin on their right lapel. This entity speaks in English, and typically warns individuals to stay away from the immediate area for their own safety.
Another apparition, of a █████████████████████████████████ that █████████████ ████ and vocalizes with █████████ wind chimes ███████ feeling of extreme avarice and speaking in tongues for up to ██ hours after exposure.

Attempts to bore, dig through, or otherwise penetrate the wall where SCP-5442-1 terminates have resulted in catastrophic failure, typically due to equipment melting from extreme heat upon digging further than 4cm into the wall. Despite this, ambient temperature in this corridor, and in the corridors and offices above and below SCP-5442-1, display normal temperature readings.

SCP-5442-2 is an anomalous draft of the Foundation's Reagan Plan, intended to be put into effect in early 2017. While listing several members of Foundation personnel who would conceivably be responsible for drafting the Reagan Plan for the Trump administration as authors, no records exist of a petition to draft this document, nor do any of the individuals listed recall writing it. Furthermore, prior to its discovery within a filing cabinet at the J. Edgar Hoover Building2 in October 2017, no digital records of this plan existed.
The Reagan Plan is a catch-all Foundation operation, focused on shutting down and liquidating infrastructure and departments in the United States Government related to the investigation, processing and detention of anomalous individuals and phenomena, in the event that a presidential administration that lacked the ability to comprehend or responsibly use these resources came into power; two official drafts of the Reagan Plan exist3 and while a Reagan Plan for the Trump Administration was considered, it was ultimately deemed unnecessary, due to the Foundation aiding in the creation of the Department of Paranormal Affairs, a governing body for all departments, infrastructure and institutions that deal with anomalous phenomena in the United States in late 2016.
SCP-5442-2 mirrors the previous two Reagan Plans, albeit with updated language and the inclusion of entities formed since the second Reagan plan; however, the entirety of Section 15, making up Pages 49-62, is affected by a memetic anomaly wherein the name of the department it pertains to (likely SCP-5442-A) cannot be perceived. A sample of the documentation has been included below, with redactions included in place of the name of SCP-5442-A.

SECTION 15
Pertaining to the
██████████████████████████████████████
("█.█.█.█")

As a subset of the ATF, ████ has been an invaluable asset in the seizure of anomalous pharmaceuticals and weaponry, and the incarceration of individuals involved with their creation and trafficking. However, several of the items seized by ████, while inert, are still in storage at one of over twenty evidence holding facilities across the United States, including one in the Ariel Rios Building, where they are used as a training aid. Therefore, this stage of REAGAN-2017 will have the following steps:
1) Liquidation of Assets. High-value pieces of anomalous weaponry are to be seized and contained by the Foundation. Anomalous pharmaceuticals and alcohols are to be treated as Class-4 Biohazards for disposal, and disposed of on a case-by-case basis.
2) Assessment of Personnel. In contrast to FBI-UIU, ████ agents have a skillset that is more specialized, and a ████ agent is already largely redundant in the US Government's Infrastructure. (see Subsection 4) . While they have adequate training in interrogation techniques, above-average training in bomb disposal, and are highly fluent in legal jurisdictions across the United States, several members of personnel lack experience in the direct apprehension and handling of more dangerous anomalous entities and items.
2) (con't) Therefore, it has been found that approximately 80% of ████ personnel are not suitable for recruitment into the Foundation or allied Groups of Interest. However, being a part of the ATF, ████ is home to several highly-skilled arson investigators. Particularly of note is Agent Louis Post4 , who developed the 'Post Method' of engaging with pyrokinetic individuals.5 Therefore, it is the opinion of the authors that agents of ████ are divided into two groups: Essential and Non-Essential.
2) (con't) Non-essential personnel include individuals with experience in accounting— i.e. tracking tax fraud, tracking the movements of funds to groups who traffic firearms; individuals with experience in bomb disposal; individuals with experience in evidence cataloging; individuals with experience in para-chemistry; and individuals who are involved in the administration of this department. The last category includes Director Timothy McKnight6. Non-essential personnel are to be amnesticized and re-assigned to other agencies in the US Government. For instructions on essential personnel recruitment, see Subsection 5.
3) Lack of Legal Foundation. The dissolution of ████ has been considered in the past, even outside of previous Reagan Plan drafts. US Law is currently not set up to account for a large amount of weaponry and alcohol, both anomalous and non-anomalous; for example, a non-anomalous flamethrower is legal to own in all fifty states, with restrictions in California and Maryland, and there is currently no legal precedent for restricting the ownership of anomalous weaponry such as the so-called 'Hush Bombs' formerly used by the British Occult Service, which are available on the black market throughout the western hemisphere.

SCP-5442-3 refers to the appearance of SCP-5442-A in various appropriations and budget bills that make their way through the United States Congress on an annual basis. The presence of SCP-5442-A is denoted by the same memetic anomaly found in SCP-5442-2. Every year since its apparent inception, SCP-5442-A has requested over $100 quintillion7 for an array of expenses, including:

Carpet cleaning services ($120,000)
Computer maintenance ($70,000,000)
Keyboard maintenance ($90,000,000,000)
Air conditioning units ($7,000,000)
Doors ($10,000,000,000,000)
'Pope Assassination Squad' (amount redacted in the allocation request)
'Rights to the Corpse of John D. Rockefeller' ($70,000,000)
'Rights to the Corpse of Ronald Reagan' ($90)

To date, Foundation assets in Congress have been successful in excising the offending legislation from budget bills; however, the author of this legislation remains unknown.

SCP-5442-4 refers to a bank account found in the name of 'Timothy McKnight', the alleged director of SCP-5442-A. The credit history of this account ranges back to 2009, where it was opened at the Pentagon Federal Credit Union. No other records of a man named 'Timothy McKnight' in the Washington, D.C. Area exist.
Since 2017, SCP-5442-4 has shown a very large negative amount; despite this, no attempts have been made by PenFed to close the account, or take any other actions such as charging overdraft fees. Furthermore, after January 2017, charges made to the card have little if any pattern to them. Included below is a sample of charges made to SCP-5442-4.

Nov. 7 2016 > Five Guys $23.09
Nov. 8 2016 > No Kisses Bar $107.93
Nov. 9 2016 > Service Bar DC $93.21
Nov. 10 2016 > Taxi Fare $15.31
Nov. 10 2016 > Taxi Fare $13.02
Nov. 10 2016 > Taxi Fare $19.00
Nov. 11 2016 > McDonald's $6.67
…….
Dec. 8 2016 > Kay Jewelers $291.29
Dec. 9 2016 > The Four Seasons DC $110.93
Dec. 11 2016> Transfer8 $80,321.299
…….
Dec. 18 2016 > Hot-Rotic Hotline $40
Dec. 18 2016 > Lady Mileena's Psychic Helpline10 $300
Dec. 20 2016 > Sacred Circle11 $203.93
Dec. 22 2016 > Fuddruckers12 $23.12
……..
Jan. 10 2017 > Transfer > $76,842.30

The transaction on January 10th is notable for three reasons; firstly, it transferred the remainder of McKnight's funds to another account. Second, this account number does not match a valid number in any banking system accessible to the Foundation, but funds can and have successfully been transferred to it. Finally, the transfer was made the day immediately prior to when the Reagan Plan proposed in SCP-5442-2 would have gone into effect.
Following this, transactions have typically been used to buy laboratory equipment, fire suppression systems, chemicals used in the production of pharmaceuticals, bananas, fertilizers, live hares, massive quantities of PDE inhibitors, and pet food. As of January 2021, the account currently sits at a balance of -$50,239,210.12.

SCP-5442-5 is a Samsung Galaxy S4 Smartphone recovered from the grounds of the Ariel Rios Federal Building. No US Government encryption is present on the phone, suggesting it was for personal use rather than professional.
SCP-5442-5 contains several excerpts of thaumaturgical manuscripts saved as photographs. Most of them focus on the summoning of several Tartarean entities, as well as photographs of thaumaturgical ritual setups within an unoccupied office space.
SMS messages displayed on SCP-5442-5 contain a memetic anomaly similar to SCP-5442-2, rendering them unreadable; however, a two-minute long video file exists on SCP-5442-5, which may provide context as to the origin of SCP-5442 as a whole.

00:00 Phone camera is looking up at the ceiling. A large object, appearing to be a computer monitor, flies above it. A crashing sound is heard off-camera. Further crashing sounds occur for the next thirty seconds.
00:32 An African-American male in his mid 50's, with an American flag pin on his right lapel, comes into view and picks up the phone. He holds it towards what appears to be a large cluster of computers, keyboards, monitors, and desks, all floating in a cyclonic pattern in the center of a thaumaturgic circle. Several items appear to be partially melted.

00:43 The camera shakes, and the phone is heard buzzing. The man responds:

"Yeah, Amy said I was married to my job."

Following this, several monitors are thrown across the room. One crashes through the window; however, the camera is filled with digital static, and the window appears repaired in the frame immediately after.
01:07: Further camera shaking. The cyclonic entity attempts to approach the camera. The man responds:

"We had a deal, you son of a bitch. The thing I love the most, in exchange for the rest of my guys getting through this administration intact."

01:13 A keyboard flies directly at the camera. There is a sound of bone crunching, and the phone is dropped. The man curses for several seconds, before picking up the phone with their other hand.

"You really want to go back on the deal? Go ahead, do it, I got what I want! Skippers cancelled their dumbass plans, and they aren't starting them back up anytime soon!"

01:23 The phone buzzes violently. There is a sound of sizzling flesh, and a scream from the man, followed by:

"Okay, look! You take the function of what you steal, right? Look at where we fucking are! The headquarters of a fucking drug agency! You have any idea how much money you could make?"

01:30: The phone stops vibrating. The cyclone stops, with all matter being suspended in midair. A ███████ █████████ ██ ██████████ within, which ████████████ Then, it ███.

"Now, we… technically do alcohol and tobacco. The DEA does the actual drug stuff, but… we can manage, right? We can order stuff. You know how to use a keyboard, yeah?"

The phone buzzes.

"Well then how the hell are you talking to me through my phone? Whatever…"

01:45: The man, still holding his phone, walks over to a keyboard on the ground. Both Shift keys have been destroyed by the impact. He is heard sighing.

"For God and Country."

01:49 The camera turns to the man's face as the video ends. In the background, a sign can be seen on the wall, partially destroyed; it reads:

partm  t of Anom lou Drugs and Ordinan

Footnotes
1. Headquarters of the ATF
2. Headquarters of the Federal Bureau of Investigation
3. One for Ronald Reagan's re-election in 1984, due to his declining mental state; and one for George W. Bush's re-election in 2004, due to his incompetence.
4. An individual of this name was found to be working for the US Government, as an arson investigator for the FBI.
5. No record of such method exists.
6. See documentation on SCP-5442-4
7. An amount that exceeds the current Federal Deficit by a factor of over 3.2 million, and the amount of US Currency in circulation by a factor of 2.7 million.
8. The owner of the account money was transferred to was Amelia Swenson, 53, former Director of FBI-UIU's Art Crime division. They have no knowledge of any individual named Timothy McKnight.
9. Exactly half of the amount of money that was in the account at this time.
10. The call center that this service operated from burned down the day this transaction was made. There were no survivors, and a strong smell of sulfur was present for over a week following the blaze.
11. An occult bookstore in Alexandria, VA.
12. A regional burger chain with a location in Washington, D.C.; this location is notably frequented by several Foundation-USGOV Liaisons.

« SCP-5441 | SCP-5442 | SCP-5443 »


Item #: SCP-5443
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-5443 poses no known threat to the Foundation or its objective at this time. For its own safety, SCP-5443 has been granted weekly counseling meetings with the on-site therapist, and can be provided self-help books or literature as requested. SCP-5443 should not be provided with any biblical or religious texts. Arts and crafts materials are pending approval.
Description: SCP-5443 is a humanoid entity with a body structure resembling a 40-year-old man, with the notable quality of having mummified skin and minor abilities to control fire. DNA testing has shown the entity's age exceeds 5,000 years, a claim that SCP-5443 has declined to confirm. SCP-5443 initially professed superior hand-to-hand combat skills, but since Interview 5443.1 has "lost motivation to practice."
Discovery: SCP-5443 was contained on 6/6/2005 after appearing on the outskirts of █████, France. Foundation personnel were notified after reports of a strange individual sitting on the ground raising minor columns of anomalous fire. While being taken into Foundation custody, SCP-5443 expressed relief at having contacted Foundation personnel so effectively, continually speaking of an approaching storm and that it would guide us to safety.
Interview 5443.1: Given the claims of extreme pending danger and awareness of the Foundation's existence, Site Director Li conducted an interview with SCP-5443 the same week it was contained.

<Begin Log>
Dr. Li: Hi, how-Dr. Li: Yeah, alright. We're all short on time. What do you want us to know?Silence.
Dr. Li: Uh, what can you tell us about this great evil?Rapid scribbling from Dr. Li.
Dr. Li: Got it, got it, okay. Do you know when they'll turn up or where?Dr. Li: Okay. What more can you tell us about this creature?Dr. Li: Can you write it?SCP-5443 writes "Choilapatai" on a piece of paper.
Dr. Li: I like your handwriting.Dr. Li: Alright, yeah, this is a problem. I'm glad you came to us. Do you mind waiting a second? I've gotta make a phone call, see if-Dr. Li: Yeah I was gonna escalate… wait… rising in fire and ice, are they supposed to have a crown of diamond and coal too?Dr. Li: To assistant: Hey, Murray, can you pull the file on, uhh… [inaudible]… SCP [inaudible] yeah that's it. Can you print a copy and bring it here?
Extraneous dialogue removed. SCP-5443 continues to emphasize the danger the Earth is in and the oncoming calamity. The phrase "Let me help you" is used repeatedly.
Dr. Li: Appreciate it, Murray. Hey, I think this is your guy, right? Kal… Kalapti… oh you know what it is. Yeah, we've got him contained.
SCP-5443 Excuse me?
Dr. Li: Yeah, we have him in a box.Dr. Li: Well, it's a special box. Look, look [tapping].
Silence as SCP-5443 reviews the printout.Dr. Li: Sorry, can you just confirm that's who you were talking about? That's his picture? I'm… I'm sorry but I had to move some stuff around to be here.Silence as SCP-5443 continues reading.Silence, except for Dr. Li's foot tapping.Dr. Li: No, it's just something that makes a box special. I'm sorry, I really gotta run, thanks for your time, Murray will answer any other questions you have. Oh, and Murray, make a note that if this one wants to see, uh, Kale in captivity, I can make that happen.
Footsteps as Dr. Li leaves. Junior Researcher Pablo Murray enters.
Junior Researcher Pablo Murray: You okay?<End log>

« SCP-5442 | SCP-5443 | SCP-5444 »


ADULT CONTENT

This article contains adult content that may not be suitable for all readers.
Graphic depiction of blood, gore or mutilation of body parts
Features sexual themes or language, but does not depict sexual acts.
Explicit depiction of sexual acts.
Features non-consensual sexual acts.
Depiction of severe mistreatment of children
Depiction of self-harm
Depiction of suicide
Depiction of torture
Depiction of survival sex work.
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⚠ Content warning: This article contains suicide and survival sex work.

⚠ content warning

Threat Level: Blue

Special Containment Procedures: Antivirus software in use by the Foundation is to be capable of identifying and blocking requests from SCP-5444. Furthermore, all information relating to SCP-5444-4 is to be backed-up through at least two network-inaccessible mediums.
Instances of SCP-5444-1 are to be stored, unpowered, in an electromagnetically-shielded storage locker. Experimentation, when applicable, is to be conducted under similar conditions, and instances may not be connected to the Site-56 intranet without approval and supervision from the IT Department.
Several instances of SCP-5444-2 are uncontained; Mobile Task Force Kappa-10 ("Skynet") has been tasked with locating and disabling rogue instances of SCP-5444-2.
SCP-5444-3 is to be kept disassembled and stored in the High Value Containment Wing of Site-56.
Description: SCP-5444 is a series of malware programmed in the Yashagorō paralanguage. Metadata analysis has returned largely inconclusive results; it is known that SCP-5444 is 1.32i GB in size at most, although metadata relating to its creation and ownership has been extensively obfuscated. The most recent iteration of SCP-5444 was last modified on January 9th, 2018 at 16:15 EST.
Three variations of SCP-5444 are known to exist, each of which is associated with a specific hardware environment.

SCP-5444-1 are a series of miniature computers of custom make, upon which SCP-5444 has been installed as firmware. All run a bare-metal hypervisor in order to simulate a variety of operating systems, while allowing SCP-5444 to run several iterations at once. A high-end web camera has been installed into the chassis of a single instance, designated SCP-5444-1-Prime.
SCP-5444-2 is a hypervisor-level rootkit, commonly installed across insecure network connections by SCP-5444-1. Instances otherwise function identically to SCP-5444-1.
SCP-5444-3 is a humanoid automaton with an artificial intelligence governed by SCP-5444. Unlike -1 and -2, SCP-5444-3 cannot directly interface with a network, and must employ HIDs1 to perform its intended functions. SCP-5444-3 was powered by an esoteric engine drawing from SCP-████.

When connected to either a database or computer network, SCP-5444 functions as an effectively sapient user. SCP-5444's primary activities are initially limited to accessing and analyzing as much data as possible; upon the confirmation of data referenced in SCP-5444-4, SCP-5444 will attempt to remove such data through any means necessary.
All variations of SCP-5444 reference SCP-5444-4 through a series of anomalous pointer variables2. SCP-5444-4 is a file stored on SCP-5444-1-Prime with a .rysh extension, serving as the primary method of setting SCP-5444's censorship parameters. Modification of SCP-5444-4 first requires the user to undergo a three-factor authentication process to confirm they are PoI-9522-D.
PoI-9522-D was Sara Miriam Yarkoni, a 29-year-old Iranian-American freelance programmer with connections to GoI-1285 ("The King of Hearts Collective")3. According to data recovered from SCP-5444-1-Prime, PoI-9522-D was the sole programmer of SCP-5444-1.
At present, SCP-5444-4 directs SCP-5444 to erase all evidence of PoI-9522-D's existence.

HISTORY

SCP-5444's existence was brought to the attention of the Foundation on January 10th, 2018, following a string of attacks targeting several individuals of various backgrounds. Although coordinated in such a manner as to suggest a botnet, several attacks displayed unusual complexity. Attacks included, but were not limited to:

Mass DMCA claims against videos featuring PoI-9522-D and her music.
Extensive vandalism to several online wikis.
Specific behavior intended to exploit streaming algorithms in order to sabotage PoI-9522-D's music's chances of discovery.
Blackmail intended to coerce the recipient into deleting files depicting PoI-9522-D from their devices.

Shortly thereafter, Senior Researcher Yehezkel Yarkoni received an email, purportedly from his daughter Sara. Attached was a PDF, ostensibly a handwritten letter, infected with an SCP-5444-2 installer.4
Following its installation, SCP-5444-2-1 launched a series of attacks directed at personnel assigned to the GoI-1285 project, as well as Researcher Yarkoni and his wife, Dr. Rivka Yarkoni. Mobile Task Force Kappa-10 ("Skynet") was directed to identify, combat, and isolate the threat.
SCP-5444-2-1 was subsequently isolated and neutralized by MTF-κ10 after two hours and fourteen minutes. Researcher Yarkoni was reprimanded for his carelessness and reassigned to Area-56 duty.

DOCUMENT 5444-A

In accordance with the 1966 SoHo Accord, the Foundation required a warrant to raid the residences of PoI-9522-D, on account of her fiance's registration as a Frequent Resident of BackDoor SoHo. Furthermore, action on part of the Foundation was limited to assisting attendant Unusual Incidents Unit operatives.
[DATA LOST]
Following the acquisition of SCP-5444-3 and all four instances of SCP-5444-1, each of their drives were isolated and imaged, as standard for computer anomalies. According to imaging software, all files pertaining to PoI-9522-D had been deleted at 16:15:54 EST on 10/01/2018, 24 hours after the last modification to SCP-5444-4; as no action had been taken to wipe the associated data, files were successfully restored with minimal effort.
Of interest to the Foundation were several video files recorded on SCP-5444-1-Prime, in which PoI-9522-D discusses the function and background of SCP-5444, as well as updates as appropriate. The last of such videos was recorded at 16:17 EST on 09/01/2018, 19 minutes prior to her estimated time of death.
Excerpted video logs have been provided below. The original files, as well as full transcripts, may be accessed with permission from RAISA; personnel are to be advised of their sexually explicit nature.

▷ Excerpt of bonus.wmv, recorded 30/12/2010

Access Granted

bonus.wmv

Date: 30/12/2010
Length 0:28:19

[BEGIN LOG 2.1]
PoI-9522-D: Heya! Thanks for buying my content, ya little devil!
PoI-9522-D blows a kiss to the camera, then winks.
PoI-9522-D: If you're wondering why this came with your purchase, think of this like, well, a EULA. Obviously this is gonna be sexier than reading an EULA, but it still concerns a lot of technical and legal bullshit, and I know not all of you are here for my coding stuff. Bear with me, I'm gonna try making this the easiest EULA possible.
Turning around, PoI-9522-D makes a show of walking to an office chair in the middle of the room, then settling into it with a relaxed position perpendicular to the backrest.
PoI-9522-D: So, you're the proud owner of one of my videos, albums, et cetera. That entitles you to several legal rights. First of all, you are entitled to watch it. You are more than welcome to watch it.
PoI-9522-D chuckles, winks, and begins to slowly unbutton her jacket.
PoI-9522-D: Secondly, you're entitled to download it to any device you own. Do with that whatever the hell you wish, dear. So, what can't you do?
PoI-9522-D: Well, you can't upload it anywhere else. Much as I love showing myself off, a girl's gotta keep work-work and play-work separate. Coming off of that, you can't bring the real me into BabylonShedim's5 domain, and trust me, I'll know. Third, and this is one goes out to "pink fly", you cannot show any of this to anyone who doesn't need to know. Again, darling, I'll know.
PoI-9522-D: So, let me be one hundred percent transparent: those files are a bit of an experiment. They're a bit smarter than your typical file, so in addition to carrying the image of me fucking myself raw, they're a bit shy when it comes to distribution. So, how does this all work?
Unfastening the last button, PoI-9522-D pauses, then smirks.
PoI-9522-D: Let's peel back the veil a little.
[END LOG 2.1]

Note: Video appears to be a collaboration with PoI-CBGC103 ("K4m3ra"), a webcam model and practicing Maxwellist.

▷ Excerpt of babshed_k4m3rabonus.wmv, recorded 12/04/2012

Access Granted

babshed_k4m3rabonus.wmv

Date: 12/04/2012
Length 1:01:32

[BEGIN LOG 9.4]
PoI-CBGC103's ventral circuitry is presently exposed as PoI-9522-D performs a ritualized maintenance upon it. During this time, PoI-CBGC103 attempts to recite what appears to be an early version of a README found on SCP-5444-1-Prime, with a noticeable stutter.
PoI-CBGC103: Installation is legal under the… the PENTAGRAM6-Disney accord, so long as operation doesn't fuck, doesn't extend beyond image and IP enforcement. All code produced in the making of Panoptican't…
PoI-CBGC103 trails off, prompting PoI-9522-D to look up from her work.
PoI-9522-D: Something up?
PoI-CBGC103: Not exact… well, one, you have the fingers of an Aeon. But mostly, I'm just… impressed is adjacent to the word I want.
PoI-9522-D chuckles softly.
PoI-9522-D: Pleasure's all mine. Wait til we get past the-
PoI-CBGC103: Oh, not that. Just, all the effort that went into… this. All the work that had to have gone into the programming, or the licensing, or even the documentation. I've known witnesses to the Signal who could learn from your example.
PoI-9522-D: Oh. Yeah, this shit's been a hobby my whole life. Glad you like me for my brains, cutie.
PoI-CBGC103: A hobby? You could be the woman the next Bill Gates backstabs.
PoI-9522-D remains silent for several seconds. Her shoulders slouch. Finally, after fifteen seconds, PoI-9522-D leans down to kiss PoI-CBGC103.
PoI-9522-D: That's enough boring our fans.
PoI-9522-D resumes the ritualized maintenance.
[END LOG 9.4]

Note: Video appears to have been recorded during a livestream.

▷ Excerpt of 03302013live.wmv, recorded 30/03/2013

Access Granted

03302013live.wmv

Date: 30/03/2013
Length 2:38:13

[BEGIN LOG 12.2]
PoI-9522-D, dressed in a "sexy teacher" outfit, gives a lecture to her digital audience in apparent earnest regarding updates to SCP-5444, complete with a dry-erase whiteboard. At this point in the recording, the board's surface is covered in an array of diagrams, equations, and citations relating to licensing laws.
PoI-9522-D: So while the resources of a host machine are employed, it's only in service of what, by definition, they are legally required to do. Moreover, file size is measured by an imaginary number, so technically-
PoI-9522-D is interrupted by an unrecorded noise.
PoI-9522-D: Yep, that's the tip goal.
Putting down a dry-erase marker, PoI-9522-D returns to SCP-5444-1-Prime.
PoI-9522-D: Okay, just a quick check-up before I get to my blouse. Looks like… looks like stockings and hair-up are winning the bid war. I gotta do this more often, if it pays this many bills. As for questions…
PoI-9522-D is silent for several seconds.
PoI-9522-D: Right, so, question one, thank you BlackHanbok: "How do you find the time for music, cam work, and programming?" Short answer: when I go to Sheol, I'm gonna strangle the person who came up with the phrase "gig economy", and Hashem will forgive me for it. Second, from Hung-er, very clever: "When will BookBurn't come out?" When it's done. And finally…
PoI-9522-D trails off, before putting her face in her hands. After several seconds, PoI-9522-D looks back up at the camera.
PoI-9522-D: Look, it's… I don't have a past I can point to. I have five years of my life I can point to where I'm doing what I'm doing now, more or less, shit I'm doing to keep myself off the streets and out of the psych ward. And you know, maybe there's something I can sift through, a GitHub or every barely-legal website I coded half-naked in my room. But I'm also a college… dropout with too much baggage. So that's why.
PoI-9522-D pauses.
PoI-9522-D: I'm sorry. Back to the show.
[END LOG 12.2]

Note: Video appears to have been recorded by accident.

▷ Excerpt of new1.wmv, recorded 24/08/2014

Access Granted

new1.wmv

Date: 24/08/2014
Length 4:59:59

[BEGIN LOG 16.1]
Video opens with PoI-9522-D presenting SCP-5444-1-Prime to Ms. Isabella Kawajiri, PoI-9522-D's fiance at the time of her death.7
PoI-9522-D: Yeah, you know, I thought it'd be appropriate. I thought, "hey, maybe I should record the announcement on the thing" and the rest is history.
Kawajiri: Credit to Veronica, the picture quality is quite good… I mean, sorry. That sounds frustrating.
PoI-9522-D: It's cool, babe, it's cool.
PoI-9522-D turns back to her bed, retrieving the bong on her counter.
Kawajiri: It doesn't feel… again, sorry. (Kawajiri sighs) I'll admit that aside from… from the Self-Titled Interview, all of this is rather new to me. Still, if it's causing this much trouble, why not stick it in a garage?
PoI-9522-D lights the bowl and inhales as Kawajiri sits next to her. The two share a brief kiss, after which Kawajiri exhales a cloud of smoke.
PoI-9522-D: See, aside from the camera, I like Panoptican't. You know how many bots I had putting my stuff on Pornhub? That was before I breached the Veil. I can't have my face on some, you know, some freak's browser history, two hours after a job interview. And you know, this way I'm actually getting money… christ, this was what they meant by "selling out", huh?
Kawajiri: Pride shouldn't come before your well-being.
PoI-9522-D: At this point it's kinda hard to tell which is which.
PoI-9522-D passes the bong to Kawajiri, who inhales.
PoI-9522-D: … I don't know who I am. I don't know if I ever did.
The two share a slightly longer kiss, after which PoI-9522-D exhales a cloud of smoke. Kawajiri takes PoI-9522-D's right hand and squeezes gently.
Kawajiri: I'm sorry, Sara. Identity is never a fun sparring partner. (Kawajiri hugs PoI-9522-D) But if this is causing you so much stress, it's my duty as your girlfriend to do everything I can to offset. (Kawajiri playfully taps PoI-9522-D's nose) So there.
PoI-9522-D: You're a dork.
Kawajiri: I'm your dork, darling.
[END LOG 16.1]

▷ Excerpt of curtaincall.wmv, recorded 16/04/2015

Access Granted

curtaincall.wmv

Date: 16/04/2015
Length 0:22:38

[BEGIN LOG 18.1]
Video begins with PoI-9522-D in casual wear, in a different room than her previous videos.
PoI-9522-D: Heya! If you're wondering why you got this video, I updated the licensing stuff for probably the final time. So, yeah! This video isn't going to be particularly exciting, and most of the important stuff's on my profile, so if you're not looking for a design doc vlog, feel free to skip this one.
PoI-9522-D: So, good news and bad news for my long-time fans. Bad news is, I'm sure you already heard, I'm retiring from cam work. Between moving in with my gf and the job I'm starting, I've kinda reached a point where I don't have the time or, really, need to cam anymore. It was fun while it lasted, sure, but a girl's gotta move on. So, what's the good news?
PoI-9522-D: Well, for starters, all my stuff's on sale for the next month, including a whole-ass bundle of everything I've put out, including the JGT Dev streams and the much requested Self-Titled Interview. Second, I'm still gonna do the occasional dev stream, assuming I've got the time. Thiiiiiiird…
PoI-9522-D grins.
PoI-9522-D: Just wait til I get to all the cool shit Panoptican't does now.
[END LOG 18.1]

Note: Video appears to have been recorded during a livestream.

▷ Excerpt of 12142016live.wmv, recorded 14/12/2016

Access Granted

12142016live.wmv

Date: 14/12/2016
Length 3:01:18

[BEGIN LOG 19.1]
Video opens with PoI-9522-D sitting in an office chair with a downcast expression. PoI-9522-D does not move over the course of three minutes and twenty-eight seconds, although she does occasionally glance at the camera. At 3:28, PoI-9522-D sighs.
PoI-9522-D: I'm sorry. Just trying to get back in the swing of… of this.
PoI-9522-D remains silent for eight more seconds, before smiling and looking back to the camera.
PoI-9522-D: Hey, glad to see y'all again. Been a while. I know I said I'd be retiring, but…
PoI-9522-D trails off, remaining silent for ten more seconds.
PoI-9522-D: Eh, it doesn't matter. Just mind the tip goals and enjoy the show.
[END LOG 19.1]

▷ Excerpt of new3.wmv, recorded 25/11/2017

Access Granted

new3.wmv

Date: 25/11/2017
Length 4:59:59

[BEGIN LOG 24.3]
PoI-9522-D engages in sexual intercourse with SCP-5444-3. Two and a half minutes pass before PoI-9522-D abruptly stops.
PoI-9522-D: [indistinct], anyway? Oh bother.
PoI-9522-D climbs off of SCP-5444-3, remaining silent for several seconds.
PoI-9522-D: … I don't even know. You're not actually speaking, I didn't program that. I don't even know why I programmed you, and I hope I never realize why. And I wish I was crazy enough that I could be experiencing delusions, rather than crystal-clear, unambiguous being. That this isn't just me trying to rationalize a decade of bad decisions. I'm not sure this is helping.
PoI-9522-D looks up at the camera.
PoI-9522-D: Are you enjoying the show? It's not real. None of it's real, not me or the bot or any kiss I've blown in the past year. I don't need or want a fucking robot. I don't know what I want.
PoI-9522-D pauses, wiping something from her eye.
PoI-9522-D: I'm tired. Sorry.
Pushing SCP-5444-3 out of her bed, PoI-9522-D curls into a fetal position and does not move for the remainder of the video.
[END LOG 24.3]

▷ Excerpt of away.wmv, recorded 09/01/2018

Access Granted

away.wmv

Date: 09/01/2018
Length 0:03:01

[BEGIN LOG 25]
Footage opens with PoI-9522-D staring at the camera. PoI-9522-D opens her mouth to speak, only to begin sobbing. Over the course of three minutes, PoI-9522-D's sobs grow in intensity, until she's laying her head face down into the desk. A wire can be seen hanging from the light fixture behind her.
At the end of the video, PoI-9522-D looks up at the camera, mouths something indistinct, and ends the recording.
[END LOG 25]

Footnotes
1. Human Interface Devices.
2. One of the technical advantages of the Yashagorō paralanguage over nonanomalous languages is the ability to reference variables stored and defined on remote/isolated machines.
3. An independent record label managed by a collective of anartists.
4. The resulting SCP-5444-2 instance has been designated SCP-5444-2-1.
5. PoI-9552-D's account on the iicameras.drk streaming service.
6. The occult branch of the Department of Defense.
7. As of 01/02/2018, the whereabouts of Ms. Kawajiri are unknown.

« SCP-5443 | SCP-5444 | SCP-5445 »


Threat Level: Yellow

Special Containment Procedures: Restaurants in the Middle East/North Africa (MENA) region are to be regularly checked for the presence of SCP-5445, with particular attention paid to restaurants within 10 kilometers of known infected. Infected restaurants are to be closed under the pretense of health code violation. At the behest of the Egyptian and Libyan governments, restaurants may be reopened after the incorporation of powerful antibiotic recipes into the menus, followed by careful observation.
Following closure, restaurant accounts are to be examined for SCP-5445-1 sales. Individuals found to have ordered SCP-5445-1 are to be located and detained by Mobile Task Force Lambda-14 ("Manhunters"), and transferred to the on-site restaurant of Site-98. Subjects are to be coerced into ordering the two-course antibiotic prix fixe by any means necessary, after which they are to be administered Class-A Amnestics and released.
A single culture of SCP-5445 is kept for study in the Cafe Scolex, a Foundation front restaurant located in a secure containment cell of Antarctic Research Area-1483.
Description: SCP-5445 is a bacterial infection transmissible between humans and restaurants. Within humans, SCP-5445 is entirely asymptomatic.
Restaurants infected by SCP-5445 experience an incubation period of approximately two weeks, after which initial symptoms manifest. Early-stage infected are marked by a sudden increase in sanitation and subjective food quality, as well as decreases in menu prices and wait times. As such, infected restaurants typically experience an increase in business traffic. Following a period of one to three weeks, SCP-5445-1 will be incorporated into the menu without warning.
SCP-5445-1 is the primary vector of SCP-5445, growing in tight clusters within designated food storage areas. SCP-5445-1 appears as an entree, consisting of a human skull soaked in blood1. Infected menus largely describe SCP-5445-1 as a "fair trade delicacy", consumption of which offers a variety of somatic and psychological benefits. Restaurant staff universally consider SCP-5445-1 to be a natural addition to the menu, albeit "adventurous".
Restaurant-to-human transmission of SCP-5445 occurs through the consumption of SCP-5445-1, while human-to-restaurant transmission occurs through monetary exchange. While antibiotic treatment has been found to be 99% effective in eliminating SCP-5445, treatment must occur within the context of restaurant food.
As of 31/07/1998, ███ restaurants and ███ humans are known to have been infected with SCP-5445. The process by which a bacterial agent can infect social constructs (such as restaurants) is poorly understood; research is ongoing, under the supervision of Dr. Guy Echo.
SCP-5445-1 possesses no known compulsive property.

Footnotes
1. Genetic testing has determined the blood to be human, mixed with trace amounts of [REDACTED]

« SCP-5444 | SCP-5445 | SCP-5446 »


SCP-5446: Shock Troops
Thanks to:

stormbreath
Modulum
Woedenaz

▸ More by this Author ◂

{$comments2}

F.A.Q.

{$doesthisfixthebug}

Item#: 5446

Level4

Containment Class:
safe

Secondary Class:
none

Disruption Class:
dark

Risk Class:
danger

link to memo

Undersea Area-58 (red) and the current area of hostilities (orange).

Special Containment Procedures: The temple that SCP-5446 was discovered in has been converted into Undersea Area-58. The object itself is contained in a secure item vault, and is only to be utilized by trained medical personnel located on-site.
All individuals recruited for Area-58 management or SCP-39321 recontainment efforts must consent to SCP-5446 application. Prior to this, they are to be supplied with scuba gear so they are able to navigate the facility without drowning.

Area-58 Director Gabriel Himes.

Description: SCP-5446 is a metallic amulet, believed to have been produced around six thousand years ago.
When applied to a human subject submerged in salt water, the anomaly converts them into an SCP-5446-Δ instance. These are sapient, telepathic jellyfish, superficially similar to the lion's mane jellyfish (Cyanea capillata), with tentacles ranging from 24 to 31 meters in length. Individuals transformed this way retain their intelligence and memories, and are able to make use of electric thaumaturgy for combat, communication, and interfacing with Area-58's computer systems.
Originally SCP-5446 was held in a Site-19 locker before being requisitioned to produce sea-based security personnel who would be capable of directly attacking SCP-3932-Δ instances. Previous efforts involving specialized diving equipment proved too expensive and cumbersome, as SCP-3932-Δ instances would easily outmaneuver personnel or sabotage their oxygen tanks.
Addendum 5446-1: Deployment History

Date
Operational Update
Results

2018/03/01
Three volunteers become SCP-5446-Δ instances and trial electricity-based combat.
Personnel are able to fend off SCP-3932 instances in containment.

2018/03/17
Protocol for SCP-5446 transformation ratified by the O5 Council.
N/A

2018/04/09
First squadron of SCP-5446-Δ instances deployed in the Solomon Sea.
Large amount of territory reclaimed from the The Great Barrier Reef Empire-In-Exile.

2018/09/15
Trials of SCP-5446-Δ combat augments begins.
Mostly successful, some issues with electric arc redirection.

2018/12/03
Foundation Navy leads a joint attack from Port Moresby, Papua New Guinea, utilizing experimental sonar technology.
A large number of SCP-3932-Δ are contained or terminated.

2019/03/19
Staffing and funding of Area-58 increased significantly.
Several decisive victories follow. The Dolphin's Posadist Republic of Indonesia begins limiting military activity near Australia.

2019/07/08
Mark IV underseas surveillance equipment is developed.
Hostile SCP-3932-Δ activity has diminished. Foundation priorities shift towards information control.

2019/11/04
A regular SCP-5446-Δ patrol returns with significant casualties, reporting that the dolphins are utilizing thaumaturgic runes which limit the effectiveness of electric attacks.
Investigation into possible countermeasures begins.

2020/02/27
Active recruitment and training of SCP-5446-Δ personnel resumes.
Foundation forces have begun to lose ground. SCP-3932-Δ instances are reported as being equipped with suits capable of thaumaturgic deflection.

2020/07/10
Six months has passed without a major Foundation victory.
Morale has fallen significantly. SCP-3932-Δ appear to possess advanced undersea paraweaponry.

2020/09/21
The Foundation Navy, in conjunction with the US Navy and Royal Australian Navy, are tasked with leading any new military containment operations involving SCP-3932.
Fighting enters a lull where controlled territory does not significantly change.

2020/10/18
A surprise attack by SCP-3932-Δ instances is launched on Site-██, though is successfully fended off.
How dolphin forces discovered the location of the site is under investigation. Witness testimony suggests a large number of unidentified jellyfish were present at the scene.

Addendum 5446-2: Containment Update
On 2021/01/02 around 03:15 AM local time, an insurgent cell of Area-58 personnel staged an attack on the facility. Utilizing their anomalous capabilities, they debilitated loyal personnel via psychic assault, and unsealed Area-58's primary entrance to the open sea.
A large number of hostile SCP-3932-Δ and SCP-5446-Δ instances then swarmed the facility. The dolphin combatants deployed previously-unseen paraweaponry capable of shrinking personnel, permitting them to be consumed.2 The operatives then opened SCP-5446's containment chamber and breached the anomaly. To date, it has not yet been recovered.
All Foundation facilities have been informed to be on alert for attacks by Chaos Insurgency agents who are telepathic jellyfish.

Footnotes
1. A memetic anomaly which bestows sapience upon dolphins who hear it. SCP-3932-Δ instances have organized into three nation-states, all of which are at war with the Foundation. For more information, see its full SCP file.
2. Notably, in the wild, small jellyfish are consumed alongside fish, squid, and shrimp as part of a dolphin's diet.

More From This Author

More From This Author

aismallard's Works

SCPs

SCP-5900 •

SCP-4447 •

SCP-6115 •

SCP-4781 •

SCP-1294-J •

SCP-4853 •

SCP-5871 •

SCP-5134 •

SCP-1047-J •

SCP-3597 •

SCP-4339 •

SCP-4322 •

SCP-5502 •

SCP-5510 •

SCP-4838 •

Tales/GoI Formats

Stealing Something Else •

The Pumpkin Mystery •

The Heart of the Beast •

Continuous Integration •

Other

aismallard's personnel file •

« SCP-5445 | SCP-5446 | SCP-5447 »