SCP-5256: Perspective

It really is a shame.

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F.A.Q.

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Item #: SCP-5256
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: The property on which SCP-5256 is located has been purchased by the Foundation through conventional means. The perimeter of the building has been barred from public access via the creation of an electrified fence. These procedures have been explained under the pretense of structural instability — which has been disseminated to the local public. A wireless CCTV network is to constantly monitor the house containing SCP-5256.
Due to the lack of knowledge regarding SCP-5256's true nature, entry to the anomaly is limited — only being permissible per a formal request to the current acting research head of SCP-5256.
As no conclusive knowledge has been gained from the testimony of PoI-5256 and the locals near SCP-5256, all of the aforementioned individuals have been administered Class-B amnestics and released to the general public.
Description: SCP-5256 designates a small bedroom located within an abandoned one-story home in Weehawken, New Jersey.
The room displays unstable Hume levels and a large number of objects inside of SCP-5256 that, prior to its discovery by the Foundation, have been distorted to varying degrees. This is believed to be a form of imprinting resulting from a period of extreme mental or physical stress experienced by a currently undocumented ontokinetic1 object or entity present within the area at the time.
SCP-5256 possesses an antimemetic filter which increases in severity towards the far corner of the room near its sole window.2 This filter increases in strength until viewing that portion of the room becomes impossible; only appearing as a void in space — as the light passing through the area becomes imperceivable to sapient beings. This effect is believed to be caused by an unknown anomalous object in that location which has thus far been impossible to remove from its current position (see Addendum-5256.2 for more detail).
Taking into account SCP-5256's unstable reality, several abnormalities are present within SCP-5256 which may or may not have been caused by alterations to the room's reality.3
Discovery: SCP-5256's anomalous properties were initially reported by Laila Jennings, a 15-year-old female living in the area who is hereby designated PoI-5256. The previously mentioned individual had contacted the local authorities regarding the anomalous nature of the room after she admitted to looking through its single window.
As Foundation web crawler YE-2807 had picked up on the call, the incident was intercepted by Foundation agents, and containment of the anomaly was deemed a success. Upon interrogating PoI-5256 regarding her intent near the house, she began crying, though she herself wasn't sure why.
Questioning of the locals revealed that PoI-5256 had frequently visited the house; only going up to the room's window for short periods of time. The locals also reported seeing a male humanoid figure, similar in age to PoI-5256 in the room. PoI-5256 claims to have no memory of these visits with hypnosis yielding few useful results. PoI-5256 claimed that the previous owners of the house were highly religious and strongly believed in the removal of "impurities" from the body and soul.
Aside from SCP-5256 itself, a search of the house yielded few results. Only a single book pertaining to "ceasing witchcraft" and exorcisms was deemed of any interest.
Addendum-5256.1: A complete list of the findings within SCP-5256 is as follows:

Metal fragments coated in blood and trace amounts of bone are suspended 0.25 meters from SCP-5256's flooring near its entrance.

A heavily damaged hammer also coated in blood and lodged into SCP-5256's far wall.4

A half-empty package of "Goldfish" brand crackers. Chemical analysis has proven them to contain lethal amounts of synthesized Aconite mixed with an unidentified sedative. This mixture, along with stomach acid, is also present in small amounts within the air inside SCP-5256.

A wooden crucifix along with stakes made of the same material.

A series of partially consumed instances of the family Rhaphidophoridae5 scattered throughout SCP-5256.

A plastic syringe containing medical-grade anesthetics with trace amounts of neural tissue, which registered low Hume levels.

Addendum-5256.2: Shortly after SCP-5256's discovery and subsequent containment, a test was performed involving D-5075 in hopes of better understanding what is located within the far corner of SCP-5256. A transcript is as follows:

<13:25> D-5075 enters SCP-5256; immediately proceeding towards the far corner of the room as instructed prior to the beginning of the test.

<13:26> D-5075 reaches her right hand into the space; moving it throughout the area for several moments.

<13:26> D-5075 attempts to pull on the object to no avail. The item appears to be anchored in place by unknown means.

<13:28> The results are gathered and D-5075 exits SCP-5256.

<13:30> The test concludes.

Closing Statement: D-5075 reported the item within the space to have a leathery and flesh-like texture in most areas; though some fabric commonly found in clothing could also be felt. She also claimed it to be cold to the touch with sharp metallic objects piercing the object at random intervals.
Attempts at locating the previous owners of the house containing SCP-5256 are ongoing.

Footnotes
1. A reality-bender.
2. The previously stated window possesses metal bars affixed to its exterior which were added prior to containment. Research is ongoing to determine the reason behind this modification.
3. Sufficient data collection and research is still ongoing to determine these factors.
4. It is believed that this item is the source of the metal fragments.
5. Colloquially known as Cave Crickets.

« SCP-5255 | SCP-5256 | SCP-5257 »


A Crappy Idea

by Doctor Cimmerian & Emotional Entropy

The unmarked entrance of Marshall Carter & Dark's New York City headquarters inside the Empire State Building. This is believed to be SCP-5257's origin.

Item #: SCP-5257
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: Information relating to larger groups exposing SCP-5257's effects will be handled by Marshall, Carter & Dark's own misinformation campaigns. Given the embarrassment caused by this anomaly becoming publicly known, it is believed that Marshall, Carter & Dark can be trusted to contain all information relating to the anomaly.
SCP-5257's effects are explainable on an individual basis through mundane means and do not require additional containment measures.
Marshall, Carter & Dark thaumaturges are currently working on a cure for SCP-5257. The organization has agreed to inform the Foundation when that project is completed so this object can be reclassified as an inactive anomaly.
Description: SCP-5257 is a viral thaumaturgical effect that causes individuals to defecate when they experience severe anxiety relating to expected harm. SCP-5257 related defecation will occur regardless of the contents of an individuals bowels. The source of the fecal matter that is produced via this effect is currently unknown, but does match the DNA of the producing individual.
SCP-5257 appears to only affect individuals employed by Marshall, Carter & Dark, and spreads through physical contact. Given that the effect is only triggered during periods of extreme stress relating to threats of physical harm, it is currently unknown how many agents of Marshall, Carter & Dark are under the effects of this anomaly.
The anomaly was first discovered following a joint Foundation, GOC, and MC&D assault on a Chaos Insurgency safe house in 20211. Several agents from all involved organizations were injured.
During medical treatment immediately following the firefight, mercenaries employed by Marshall, Carter & Dark were found to be wearing adult diapers that were soiled. At first this was not understood as an anomaly, but eventually information relating to the anomaly was relayed to Foundation medical staff in order to provide better care.
After SCP-5257 was properly designated and risks relating to its spread were identified, the SCP Foundation began a project to identify as much information as possible about how and why SCP-5257 was created. A collection of extant documents was searched and new documents were sought and recovered.

+ Show Initial Documents

- Hide Documents

Initial Report

Author
Lana Fuentes
Date
March 2nd, 2020

Interest
Unknown
Identifier
Anti-Mugging Effect

I noticed that several of our customers have complained about fear relating to robberies that are occurring in New York City as of late. I don't know for certain how credible this fear is, but I think we can possibly exploit this fear for a new product.

There are a number of potential solutions but I'm going to leave most of the details up to R&D. They seem somewhat excited about the possibilities, and I know for a fact that you can't replicate passion for a project. Gonna put Mr. Sterling in as project lead. He seemed to be extremely eager to get started.

Corporate has been on my case for months about micromanaging my teams so I'm gonna step back and see how he performs. Should be good.

File Opened Under:
GGOU3/N5IHM/TTAB3

Marshall, Carter & Dark, LLP

+ Show Research Records

- Hide Records

Research Report 3

Author
Adam Sterling
Date
March 5th, 2020

Interest
Unknown
Identifier
Anti-Mugging Effect

Real world testing is not promising. Invulnerability and super strength actually increases the casualty numbers. Certainly for the robber, but turns out if you give an untrained person super strength they don't act fast enough to avoid death for their companions. And that's the real issue. If we make the customer able to fight back, the death of walking partners and even innocent bystanders goes up by over 174%.

One guy was even still overpowered by two guys. He came out of it unharmed because he was temporarily invulnerable, but he was still beaten and robbed. It also hurt quite a bit, I'm told.

Muggings don't happen nearly as often as I was led to believe in New York. We provoked each of the test robberies through a variety of incentives and hexes. I wanted to make sure these were real world circumstances, so I worry that the data is flawed due to the use of magic. I'm gonna dig a little deeper on how the spells work before I give up on the methods though.

We had one fairly promising outlier. One of our researchers was robbed independent of the tests and he shit himself. The robber was so overcome by the smell (and weirdness, I suspect) that he left the scene without further incident. I am going to order some tests in this area and see how it works.

File Opened Under:
GGOU3/N5IHM/TTAB3

Marshall, Carter & Dark, LLP

Research Report 21

Author
Adam Sterling
Date
March 15th, 2020

Interest
Unknown
Identifier
Anti-Mugging Effect

Tweaking this spell has been fun. A line change here, a slightly different intonation there and it works just differently enough for me to test it for additional efficacy.

In fact there was an error in our transcription during the last test and the defecation occurred even though the user didn't have anything in his digestive tract. I'm used to coding but honestly I've been learning a lot about how similar those two fields really are. I'm gonna keep the bugged spell and I think it might be our final version.

File Opened Under:
GGOU3/N5IHM/TTAB3

Marshall, Carter & Dark, LLP

Research Report 26

Author
Adam Sterling
Date
March 17th, 2020

Interest
Unknown
Identifier
Anti-Mugging Effect

We've run over a hundred tests. I know I'm gonna have to defend this eventually so I needed to be sure.

Defecation is definitely the way to go. It decreases the risk of casualties to both the primary user and bystanders by over 93%. Nothing else comes close. I hope that the higher ups appreciate what this data represents.

File Opened Under:
GGOU3/N5IHM/TTAB3

Marshall, Carter & Dark, LLP

+ Show Additional Communications

- Hide Communications

Memo 2

GGOU3/N5IHM/TTAB3

Sender
Hr'asm'Kal
Recipient
Lana Fuentes

LANA. HOW MUCH DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THE ANTI-MUGGING PROJECT? I WAS REVIEWING THE BUDGET AND IT APPEARS THAT R&D HAS USED UP 11% OF THEIR YEARLY FUNDING ON THE DEVELOPMENT OF A SINGLE MAGICAL SPELL? I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY WHY OR HOW THAT WAS NECESSARY. IT'S JUST A FEW LINES OF INCANTATION.

I'LL TRUST YOU TO FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON. IF I GOTTA RUN INTERFERENCE WITH SENIOR MANAGEMENT I WILL, BUT PLEASE LOOK INTO THIS IMMEDIATELY.

Marshall, Carter & Dark, LLP

Memo 3

GGOU3/N5IHM/TTAB3

Sender
Lana Fuentes
Recipient
Adam Sterling

I just found out from my boss that you used 11% of the R&D budget in less than 2 weeks for a single spell. Call me as soon as you get this message. THIS IS SERIOUS.

Marshall, Carter & Dark, LLP

The following phone conversation was acquired by Foundation telecommunication AIs.

Caller 1: Lana Fuentes (MC&D's NYC Branch Vice President of Product Development)
Caller 2: Adam Sterling (Member of the MC&D Research and Development team.)
Caller 3: Hr'asm'Kal (ḷ̷̯̳̈̂̓̚ͅo̶̧̨̤̬͔̠̭͓̫̐̃̊̋ͅr̸̬̭̄̅͋͂͆̃ḑ̶̢̮͂̎̎͒̆̓̇̇̈́̓͋̎͠͝ ̷̢͚̅̀̋̇͌́̈͛͋̚͘̕̚̕o̵̟̪̥͚̼͍̟̪̤̮̦̭̘̞͌͛̆f̶̨̧̞̞̞̘͙̪̾̋̅̇̒̈́́̃̀ ̸̰̟̼̓̊̈͑͌m̶͉̑̾e̸̛̲̜͙͎͚̜͇͇̖̬͋͊̃̽̎͗͛̍͒̏̄̋̋̚n̵̬͕̿̈́ả̷̛̦̦̜͔̞̥̲̞́̋̃̅̄̃̒̕͘͜͝ͅc̸̨̻̻͇͚͖͈̮̓̃̀͠͝͝e̶̢̛̤̙̼̜̝̳̜̹̤͛̎̆͆̾͐̓̚͜͠ ̴̦̩̲͖̺̚a̷̘̣̲͚̱͙͇̥̐͂̃̃͊̾̀͋̅̇̓̑͂͋̔ͅn̸̡͍͍͚̟̅̓̕ͅḑ̶̧̳͓̖͆̈́͗̍̕ ̶̧̛̤̼͉̫̖̮͖̜̙̑͌̀͐̓͊̔͘h̶̘͓̪̼̺͕̄o̸̡̡̞̻͗̅͂ļ̸̖̮͖́͗̅͐d̵͔̳̱̠͈͎̜͙͚̓͐͝e̴̛̼̫̼̰̠̘͙̮͐́̓̽̔̍͛̉͂̓͝ŗ̵̢̛̱̗̪͓̝̤̺͗̄͘ ̸̧̘̦͕͚̰̦̙͍͐̄̔͐̈́̎͐̽̈́̌̋̅͛͘ö̷̧̧̙̱̲̟͙̗̻̘̟͔̯́̽͛͠f̸͉̖̮̭̯͔͈͙͓̍͂̓̐ ̶̨̻̜̜̪̮͇̱͎͚̇̌̃̃̉́̋͊͜t̴͚̹̪̗̳͒͆̅̀͒̓̿̔́̈́̚͝h̵̨̛̩̗͕̦̗̖̊̐͐͗͆̑͑̂̇͆̓ę̶̤͙͔̬͕̰̦̫̝̺̃̍̀̆̐͛͂̀̃̀̌́ ̵͍͖̜̳̫̜͉͙͕͇̻͑̔͜ͅt̴̡̹͔̰͖̲̬̠͓̳͔̲͚̤͇́̾̊͘̕͝h̵̡̪͖̠͈͉̰̜͈̽̓̓ì̶̥͇͙͜r̷̩̪̜̀͛̋͊̉͘d̸̘́̉̎̈́̂ ̵̛̲̜̻̦̠͈͔́͂̈́̒̄̄͗̉̄́̕̕͠s̸̱̼͓͉͇̘̘͈̍̂̐́t̴̢̨̡̹͓̙̺̮͉͇͚̜̺̹̐̊̉͐̕̚͜a̶̛̜͒̃̏͘ͅf̸̡͇̯̼̮̥̜̟͙͉̗͖̼̰͐͐͗̈́ͅf̸͕̩̠̫̘̄̓̋͐̊̽̓̅̀̕ ̸̢͉̖̫͉̬͍̗͚̲̯̣̣̪̦̊̎͑͊̎̿̕͠ô̷͍͉̤͈̥̰͎̲͍͂̆̄̿̍͊̀͛̍̇́͛͜͝ḟ̸̺̲̹̣͔͕̩̥̺̭̻͂̂͜͝ͅ ̷̞̫̱͓͇͈̬͔̩̙̫͉̬̈́́́́̈́̌̃́͆̋͘̕ͅl̵̗̠̥̃͂͋̒̾͆̉́̚͝͝i̸͉̘̭̰͙͓̭̺̳̤͚̋͜ę̴̛̬̪̱̻̘̞͚͕͇͈̙̞̱̪̔̏͌̒̐͒̈́s̸̮̥̪̺̈́̆̓̿̈́͊̍͌̉̍̈́̈́̕̕͘ and the managing director of the NYC branch of MC&D)

Time of Call: 0921-0924, March 19th, 2020.
Adam Sterling: Ok, first off I wanna apologize…
Lana Fuentes: Don't apologize. Just explain this to me. Be detailed.
Adam Sterling: Right. The initial tests weren't promising. You've seen the data, right?
Lana Fuentes: I have. I get that.
Adam Sterling: Ok, well Tim got robbed on the subway and then he shit himself. And it worked, so we thought we'd try and see if it would work for us.
Lana Fuentes: And?
Adam Sterling: Gave us a 93% lower chance of physical harm and an 89% lower chance of the robbers taking our stuff. That was the best idea we came up with.
Lana Fuentes: Ok. But who are we supposed to market this to?
Adam Sterling: I don't really understand…
Lana Fuentes: Who the fuck is going to be buying this?!
Hr'asm'Kal: LANA IF YOU DON'T MIND I'D LIKE TO CUT IN. I THINK WHAT LANA IS TRYING TO SAY IS THAT ANY REASONABLE PERSON WOULD LOOK AT YOUR IDEA AND REALIZE THAT WE CAN'T SELL THIS TO A HIGH END CLIENT.
Adam Sterling: Oh. I actually did consider that, that's why I wanted as much data as possible to back up the product.
Lana Fuentes: Your data doesn't change the fact that we cant sell this to anyone.
Adam Sterling: Ok. Yeah no, I get that now. I just thought maybe I could change your minds.
Lana Fuentes: So you knew this would be a problem and you spent 45 million dollars to test a spell that makes you shit yourself?
Adam Sterling: Yes Ma'am.
Hr'asm'Kal: I KNOW IT'S HARD TO INTERPRET MY TONE BECAUSE MY VOICE IS BEAMED DIRECTLY INTO YOUR HEAD AT HIGH VOLUME BUT I AM VERY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU PERSONALLY. I HAD HIGH HOPES FOR YOU IN THIS COMPANY.
There is a slight pause.
Hr'asm'Kal: ACTUALLY I SHOULD APOLOGIZE, MR STERLING. I DON'T THINK THAT WE WILL BE RETAINING YOUR SERVICES. THIS IS THE KIND OF MISTAKE THAT IS GOING TO BE EXTREMELY TROUBLING TO EXPLAIN TO THE PARTNERS, AND FRANKLY YOU'VE SHOWN A LACK OF SELF AWARENESS AND COMMON SENSE HERE.
Adam Sterling: I sold my house in LA and just moved my family out here. We have a blood contract!
Hr'asm'Kal: I THINK IT'S REASONABLE TO SAY THIS IS FOR CAUSE, SO THE CONTRACT YOU SIGNED WITH ME IS INVALID. LANA, IF YOU'D HANDLE THE SEVERANCE?
Hr'asm'Kal disconnects from the call.
Lana Fuentes: Understand you are still under the effects of the non-disclosure spell. Keep your work here…
Adam Sterling: Lana. I'm sorry, this won't happen again.
Lana Fuentes: …your work here confidential or you forfeit your eternal soul. Security is already outside your office. They'll wait while you gather your things and escort you outside. We do not have to do this but Hr'asm'Kal has authorized me to offer you 6 months severance pay to ease your transition.
The call ends.

Memo 13

GGOU3/N5IHM/TTAB3

Sender
Adam Sterling
Recipient
Lana Fuentes

Hi Lana. Your security guy wasn't able to recognize my spell foci, so I went ahead and took the finished spell home with me.

It wasn't hard to tweak it. My background is in coding but the bug we had earlier taught me that spells just use wands and portals instead of ones and zeroes. Tell Tim I'm sorry I had to use him as a vector, but honestly he was going to shit himself in those circumstances anyway. And I knew his morning routine before work pretty well.

Turns out another organization appreciates me a lot more than you ever did. I'm only sorry I don't get to see your face when you shit yourself.

Marshall, Carter & Dark, LLP

It should be noted that Adam Sterling was among the injured agents taken prisoner during the 2021 assault on the Chaos Insurgency safe house. At the time of the raid, the subject's importance to MC&D was unknown. He was surrendered to their custody at their request.
At this point Adam Sterling began to display SCP-5257 symptoms. Given his likely fate in MC&D custody, it is unknown if this was related to the anomaly or if it was a natural reaction.

Footnotes
1. See Combat Report 8291 for more details.

« SCP-5256 | SCP-5257| SCP-5258 »


Item #: SCP-5258
Object Class: Thaumiel
Special Containment Procedures: Foundation personnel must follow standard precautions described in the attached file1. Only one instance of SCP-5258 exists at present.
Description: SCP-5258 is a memetic kill agent designed to neutralize any sentient lifeform it is exposed to. As of writing, SCP-5258 is the most powerful kill agent produced by the Foundation, having a 100% success rate in terminating anyone exposed to its effects. SCP-5258 is currently utilised to discreetly dispose of Foundation infiltrators, antagonistic groups accessing the Foundation database, and other hostile sentiences with means of reading Foundation documentation.
Due to its hazardous nature, the singular instance of SCP-5258 has been split into two separate image vectors (SCP-5258-1 and 2). Cognitive discernment of both images in the incorrect order (SCP-5258-2 followed by SCP-5258-1) will render subjects immune to SCP-5258's effects, rather than kill them. Perceiving the anomaly in the opposite order however will prove fatal within several minutes, via sudden brain death.

Access Document-SCP-5258-1

ACCESS REQUIREMENTS NULLIFIED

SCP-5258-1

gotcha

Discovery Log: Utilisation of SCP-5258 was first proposed following examination of previous Foundation database breaches. It was found that in a majority of cases, infiltrators had a tendency to open collapsed documentation within files before actually reading the main text. This violates the standard code of conduct for handling and reading documentation referencing memetic and congitohazardous phenomena.
This choice is commonly triggered by the human urge to access that which the individual considers enticing, due to being perceived as closed off or ominous in nature (Commonly dubbed the "Pandora Effect").
This behaviour has occurred in 90% of non-Foundation readers accessing SCP-5258's documentation.

Footnotes
1. Personnel must view the following document before further reading: Document-5258-2


Item #: SCP-5259
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-5259 is contained in a large aquatic tank at Site-032's Anomalous Fauna Zone. SCP-5259 is the sole organism in its habitat, as it has expressed a distaste for "civilian" marine life.
Description: SCP-5259 is a sapient Atlantic bottlenose dolphin that was formerly a member of the 13th Marine Expeditionary Unit of the United States Marine Corps. SCP-5259 was created in 1983 as part of a secret project by a covert branch of the Department of Defense to weaponize aquatic life for general warfare. As part of its "training" SCP-5259 bears numerous biological deviations, including a vastly increased lifespan, augmented swimming muscles, and a heightened resistance to ocean floor pressures.

Lance Corporal Flipperstorm (pictured right) during firing practice in Iraq with fellow marine (pictured left).

SCP-5259-1 is a weapon surgically attached to SCP-5259's right flipper capable of firing a highly destructive laser. SCP-5259-1 has been damaged and is in an inactive state due to an incident prior to containment of SCP-5259.
Discovery: In 2008, the Department of Veteran Affairs received a disability claim for a Lance Corporal "Buddy Flipperstorm" of the Marines. Assuming it was a practical joke, the claim was disposed of.
Over the next weeks, the department was inundated by emails, calls1, and waterlogged envelopes demanding the immediate resignation of Secretary James Peake, necessitating the involvement of law enforcement. The mail was eventually traced to a PO box near Chesapeake Beach, where a dolphin with a damaged dorsal fin had been repeatedly beaching itself for several days.
While Foundation staff at large had been tangentially aware of the story as it developed in the media, the highly unusual behavior of the specimen was what drew official attention. Covering the incident as a publicity stunt for dolphin welfare, SCP-5259 was transported to a Foundation marine facility where it received medical treatment.

Interviewer: Dr Sophia Clarke
Interviewed: SCP-5259
Foreword: SCP-5259's portion of the interview was translated with the use of a Cetacean Hearing and Telemetry computer.

[BEGIN LOG]
Clarke: So I have to ask, how exactly did you send all those messages to Veterans Affairs? The envelopes I can wrap my head around, but the calls and emails?Clarke: As in human friends? You wouldn't happen to have their contact information, would you.Clarke: I'm sorry, that wasn't my intention, I assure you. It's just… most people would be very surprised to find themselves having a conversation to a talking animal, let alone being friends with one. Uh, no offense.Clarke: I suppose you have a point. So how'd you end up leaving the military? Injured during some sort of mission?Clarke: A… fishing net?Clarke: I'm sorry about that. But why go to the trouble of petitioning the VA? I mean, you couldn't have expected-Clarke: I… I'm sorry for that.Clarke: Uh, just one more thing. Looking at your claim, you were seeking approximately 20,000 in benefits. What were you going to do with all that money?EeEeEeEeEeEeEeEeEeEe. eEeEeEeEeE EeEeEeEe EeEe eEeEeEeEeEeEeEeEeEeEeEe EeEeEeeEeEeEeEeEeEeEeEeEeEe. EeEeEeEeEeEe. EeEeEeEeEeEeEeEeEeEeEeEeEe. EeEeEeEeEeEeE, EeEeEeEeEe, EeEeEeEeEeEeEeEe. EeEeEeEeEeEeEeEeEe. eEeEEeEeEeEe. EeEeEeEeeee.EeEeEe. eEeEeEe, eEeEeEeeeEeEeeEeEeEeE, eEeEeEeEe.9
[END LOG]

Footnotes
1. All the recorded messages were dolphin chatter and thus incomprehensible.
2. We don't really have the time to get together these days, but I'm still in contact with some of my old buddies. They helped whip that goddamn bureaucratic black hole into shape.
3. Why, so you can scoop them up and brainwash them into forgetting me? Nice try. Would rather cut my own flippers off than sell out my brothers.
4. Yeah, they were a bit surprised at first, a little uncomfortable. But after you save their asses the first few times, they tend to stop bitching. That's the thing when you're down in the trenches, taking fire from insurgents. You don't care if the flipper holding the gun next to you belongs to a dolphin, man, or dog - you just hope they can shoot as well as you.
5. No, nothing that juicy. Got tangled up in a fishing net.
6. I know. Sounds ridiculous, right? But I'm still a dolphin. Got tangled up pretty bad, cut into my fins pretty deep. Then those stuffy suits took one look at me, decided their "investment" wasn't working out as well as they hoped, and tossed me in the ocean like I was yesterday's trash eight thousand miles away from home.
7. Because I deserved it. I fought for this country, killed for this country, even bled for this country. Dammit, I knew what we were doing wasn't really in the name of freedom, or liberation, or even self defense. But I followed orders. I saved lives. But as soon as I became inconvenient, they got rid of me without a second thought, because they were humans and I was a dolphin, and that meant I was nothing more than property to them. You'd think you get used to it, being treated like a subhuman even though you can think and talk like them. But they only cared about me because I was useful, not because they thought my life had meaning.
8. Thanks. Are we done for today?
9. Buy fish.

« SCP-5258 | SCP-5259 | SCP-5260 »


Item#: 5260

Level2

Containment Class:
euclid

Secondary Class:
none

Disruption Class:
vlam

Risk Class:
caution

link to memo

Special Containment Procedures: To prevent an uncontainable expansion of SCP-5260's area of influence when left isolated, testing is to be conducted at least once every three days.

+ Archived Containment Procedures (Review is recommended for assigned personnel)

- Hide Archived Containment Procedures

Archived Containment Procedures: SCP-5260 is kept in a standard container in Site-33. Every three days, SCP-5260 is removed for testing with the randomly selected D-Class on rotation. The test subject must sleep for no fewer than six hours within 3 meters of SCP-5260, and the subject is to keep a log of their dreams. The logs should include the following information:

Description of their dream and the actions they undertook
A description of anything that had a positive effect in dream
Any notable nightly changes
Any interactions with SCP-5260-1
Brief description of feelings upon waking

In addition to this, the current subject participates in monthly interviews with the Lead Researcher. If the subject exhibits deviations in personality beyond the accepted threshold, or if three months have passed since initial exposure, the D-Class subject is to be replaced.

- Hide Archived Containment Procedures

SCP-5260 is kept in a standard container in Site-33, no less than 50 meters away from any site personnel. Any sleep within 30 meters of SCP-5260's current location is prohibited. Any individual who fall asleep for any period of time within 30 meters of SCP-5260 between testing periods is to be held under observation for 72 hours.
SCP-5260 is removed from storage three to four times per week, and placed by the sleeping quarters of the primary infected subject, D-919454. D-919454 is to then sleep in their quarters for no less than six consecutive hours, with Tranquilizer IX "Dream Wine"1 to be administered if necessary. D-919454 is required to submit reports to the Lead Researcher on all interactions with SCP-5260-1, following the template used in prior containment procedures.
Any deviation of D-919454's personality, or the occurrence of insomnia, must be reported to the Lead Researcher immediately. In this event, prior containment procedures will be reinstated while D-919454 is profiled.
Description: SCP-5260 is a green and black bookmark, approximately 15 cm in length. SCP-5260 is made from common craft materials, with the exception of a string connected to the end. This was made using human hair belonging to Beatrice W████ from northeast Wisconsin, who died in November of 2002.
For each night SCP-5260 is not exposed to a subject, the area of influence doubles. The unconfirmed upper range of its influence is 17.5 kilometers, as demonstrated prior to containment. If SCP-5260's area of influence reaches any number of subjects, this gradually diminishes down to 3 meters multiplied by the number of individuals. Affected subjects will continuously attempt to stay within its area.
Exposed subjects experience the following effects:
Nights 1-3: Subjects report a recurring dream that is unusually memorable, tailored to a situation that the subject has an emotional connection to. This dream is usually innocuous. Documented examples include:

D-10086: Subject relives an enjoyable evening in their childhood home.
D-32245: Subject relaxing in a rowboat tied near shore.

Nights 4-7: Subjects report the dream quickly becomes unsettling or upsetting. Documented examples include:

D-10086: The evening from the subject's childhood becoming infused with paranoia that the house is under siege from an unidentifiable threat. Subject vividly recounted family members standing back to back in the center of the house's main room, holding knives for self-defense.
D-32245: Subject's rowboat drifts steadily from shore with ineffective frantic efforts to return.

Nights 8-10+: Subjects report an entity appears, henceforth known as SCP-5260-1. SCP-5260-1 has been identifiable from subject to subject as it is the sole cause of any sort of beneficial effect within the dream. Notably, some aspect of this benefit is retained by the dreamer on waking.

D-10086 reported that SCP-5260-1 took the form of a "feisty old woman" who picked up a broom and "chased off some dogs outside," then admonished the family for getting themselves wrapped up in such a "tizzy." D-10086 reported diminished anxiety overall on waking, and later demonstrated unprecedented leadership ability during a severe containment breach.
D-32245 reported that SCP-5260-1 took the form of an albatross. While D-32245 did not reach shore, he felt he was going in the right direction and making progress. Upon waking, subject reported to have a better metaphorical sense of direction, claiming they were more certain of what to do next and how to achieve it. Subject did not provide further details.

When SCP-5260-1 manifests, the exposed subject is considered "infected." Subjects at this stage universally report sincere gratitude towards SCP-5260-1 for its assistance. Attachment towards SCP-5260 and SCP-5260-1 increases over time, and in many cases reaches obsession, with the subject refusing to or unable to sleep without SCP-5260 present. In 15% of all cases, subjects resort to desperate measures to stay within its area of influence even when detained, with attempts to scratch through a cell wall with their fingernails being documented. This is either a result of the affection for SCP-5260-1, or a desire to avoid the effects after separation.
Upon separation: Separation occurs if an infected subject is not re-exposed to SCP-5260 within 72 hours of last exposure. When separated, subject's dreams return to the pre-SCP-5260-1 status, with a rapid change to increasingly harmful or horrifying circumstances.

In the case of D-10086, subject reported that, in the dreams of their childhood home, they had hidden themselves in a closet and watched as their family tried and failed to fight off a "monster". Subject refused to provide further details. Since separation from SCP-5260, D-10086 has exhibited severe and worsening hemophobia, to the point where the sight of blood induces hysteria. Subject experienced profound insomnia23.
In the case of D-32245, subject reported that they were now in a lifeboat, with no sight of land. Subject initially reported experiencing dreams in real time; successive dreams lasted for increasing periods. Furthermore, after waking, the subject's physical appearance exhibited symptoms of long-term exposure to the elements, including dehydration, heat stroke, and shock. Treatment was unable to fully relieve subject's symptoms. Subject experienced profound insomnia. Nine days after D-919454 replaced D-32245 as the subject on rotation, D-32245 made a spontaneous recovery.

Repeated testing has been unable to predict the beneficial or detrimental effects.
Discovery: SCP-5260 was discovered in 2011 in the town of ███████, Wisconsin, in a storage unit registered under the W████ family. Anomalous events were brought to the Foundation's attention after a field agent at the local police station reported suspected anomalous activity and an abrupt and unprecedented increase in the number of breaking and entering cases, centering around the storage location. After Foundation personnel were dispatched and anomalous events in the town were mapped out, SCP-5260 was found in the exact center of cases, down to the very corner of the storage unit. A cover story for the anomalous activity was disseminated through the local newspaper, and SCP-5260 was taken into Foundation custody for testing.
The corpse of an unidentified individual was found inhabiting a neighboring storage unit, having passed away within two weeks of discovery. No relation to SCP-5260 has been uncovered. This inhabitant has been deemed a coincidence that prevented the rapid expansion of SCP-5260's influence for a period of time.
The W████ family that the storage unit was registered under had relocated to New Mexico. When located and questioned, none of the family were able to provide physical descriptions of Beatrice W████, details of her last known whereabouts, or any useful information whatsoever about her or her life. After review, this lack of information was conclusively determined to be non-anomalous.

+ Interview 5260.1 with D-919454

- Interview 5260.1 with D-919454

Archived Interview 5260.1

Interviewed: D-919454
Interviewer: Lead Researcher Dr. Liliana Li
Foreword: Shortly after D-919454 encountered SCP-5260-1, all negative effects to previously infected individuals abruptly ceased. The purpose of this interview is to find out what role, if any, D-919454 had in this development. Interview was conducted two days after D-919454 returned from a five-day sick leave.
<Begin Log>
Dr. Li: Hello again, D-919454. How are you sleeping these days?
D-919454: Oh, uh, I'm doing fine, Doctor. Pretty well, actually. Definitely less tired, I think. I've been feeling, well, sort of been feeling my best lately. I mean, if it was just the new quarters, it's been a long time since I've slept in my own room, like a room I could call just my own, and I've lived in places half the size and a tenth as nice, and [Twenty-three seconds of extraneous dialogue redacted for brevity]
Dr. Li: Okay. Anyway, you were having trouble sleeping before you were selected for duty with SCP-5260, correct?
D-919454: …yeah.
Dr. Li: Why was that?
Approximately five seconds of silence.
D-919454: I don't really- I mean, I don't like to… I-I've had help talking about it, a-and some people they think, they've said "oh that's nothing, who cares" but they don't know…
Dr. Li: We can come back to that then, if you would prefer. I do have some other questions.
D-919454: Alright, just, ease into it. It's… [unintelligible] could've been me, still could be… [mumbling]
Dr. Li: Okay. Can you tell me what your dreams are like, since you've been assigned to SCP-5260?
D-919454: Hah! The dreams I've been having, let me tell you, they're worth the price of admission right there. I've been working my damn fingers to the bone 'till they're sore to get just a bit of recognition, oh you know it's hard to stand out when everyone's wearing the same uniform, but I'd hoped if I do what I'm told with a smile and a nod, maybe an old man, even an old man like me can get a bit of an easier job of it. I must've done something right, because goddamn I'm still here, ain't I? And when they told me they had a job, I mean you never know what that's gonna be, every job could be the last, but when they said that I just needed to sleep-
Silence. D-919454 taps on the table.
D-919454: Well, when they told me they'd help me sleep, I mean, I jumped up at the chance.
Dr. Li: I am happy to hear it. What are your dreams like?
D-919454: They're… I dunno. They're easy. First couple of nights, when I was assigned, it was easier to, to be where I was. I mean, it was more comfortable, I actually, really slept, and I didn't feel… hmm. I felt different. Just a little better.
Dr. Li: I think this would be much easier if you told me more about the dreams. I know even in your reports you do not like to talk about it, but we really do need to know. I think there's a chance it might even help you.
Silence, until D-919454 sighs.
D-919454: Don't uh… don't act surprised, okay? Don't make that face, the “that's it?” face. I've seen it before, it…
Silence.
D-919454: For most of my life, when I sleep, I dream I'm in a home.
Dr. Li: Whose home?
D-919454: No, no. Not like that. A nursing home.
Dr. Li: A convalescent home? You've been dreaming that for decades?
D-919454: That goddamn face, I knew it. You don't understand, you don't.
Dr. Li: Uh, my apologies. I do not understand. But I would like to.
D-919454 sighs.
D-919454: Okay, well… someone said it better than I'm about to, but all the cats and dogs and animals of God's kingdom have it better than any man, just because… they don't know they're gonna die.
D-919454 pauses, then drinks some water.
D-919454: Well. I've always known. I used to think I'd grow old then die, but now that I am old, now it's "then die." It was my good old granddad, not great mind you, he told me that I'm young, and that I would never be this young again, so I "damn well better appreciate it, whatever it is, while it's here."
Silence.
D-919454: I was… must've been four? Five? Didn't know I'd die, didn't understand death. I figured it out when he died pretty soon after that. The only thing I remember of him is that advice, which I… hope I followed. And that, that made me always think, I will be old, or I will be gone. And both options scared the hell outta me. Now that I'm old it's not half as scary, but…
Silence.
Dr. Li: Go on?
D-919454: Ah, you know what it is? It's that no one tells you, or no one can really make you understand just what, what you lose when you get to be my age. You know, it's… terrible. We're all forgotten eventually, right? But most of us are gone before that happens. It's, it's terrible to be forgotten when you're still alive. I mean… a-and that's what I dream about, always dreamed about. That in that home, I'm old, scared, and forgotten by the world. That's it.
Dr. Li: I can understand the impact that could have on you. But I would still like clarification how that relates to your trouble sleeping.
D-919454: Still? Really? I've spent, I've spent almost every sleeping night of my life, just, trapped. I'd be old, I'd be alone, and no one would know it, no one would remember me. And now, hell, now I'm awake and nothing's changes. I don't get an escape from that anymore. Now it's my goddamn life. And you need “clarification”? Why I don't want to live that?
Dr. Li: Sorry, okay. I think I get it. We can move on.
D-919454: Yeah. Sure.
Long silence. Shuffling of papers is audible.
Dr. Li: Okay… You recently applied for and received sick leave, is that correct?
D-919454: I did, yeah. A stint in the med bay. Not a work accident, mind you, I'm careful. Some of the things they've had me around, I mean, I'm still here, ain't I? And this assignment, well it's just a night job. They still gotta keep me busy in the day. I mean, I'd rather not go into why I took the time, that's uh, private. But yeah, I did.
Dr. Li: But your dreams were unchanged, the entire time?
D-919454: Unchanged? Well, Betty stopped showing up. Apart from that, it was the same dream. But I'll tell ya, that did make a big difference. Before, it was-
Dr. Li: Sorry, Betty? As in, short for Beatrice?
D-919454: Yeah, right. [chuckles] She actually hates it when I call her Beatrice. I remember her being glad I was back. She's great, y'know? She's, she's very smart, and she's got such a good heart on her. She's uh… oh, when I got back, she said something that stood out, what was it…
Dr. Li: I have your reports here. Do you remember the date of it, or which dream number it was?
D-919454: Don't think so. I'll help you look, though.
No significant dialogue. Shuffling of papers, small talk, and brief laughter once from both parties.
Dr. Li: You reported she said she "couldn't make the dream any worse" and that "you would understand why."
D-919454: That's it! I mean, she makes dreams worse? Not in my experience. But that bit really stood out to me. It was as bad as it gets? For me, it's like you live so many days in a dream, you sort of get used to it, and mine… it-it's not good but it's not… it's not the worst. Hell, the home is better than some nights I had in my old cold cell, you know, when I was young, before it was… before it became my life. I did have people in my life still, then, back then. But my dreams, the place I'm in, the hard part isn't, isn't the place, it's… the people.
Silence.
D-919454: It's the people that don't come.
Scribbling on paper is audible.
Dr. Li: Okay… so you have been able to communicate with SCP, um, Beatrice. What do you talk about?
D-919454: Oh, we just talk, nothing out of the ordinary. A bit about our lives, jobs we've had, how we got there. More than anything though, we keep each other company. Sometimes we walk around the grounds, sometimes we sit and eat, oh! Sometimes we've actually managed to sneak out! Imagine that!
Dr. Li: And you have not experienced anything unusual when waking?
D-919454: Well I feel as though I've slept twelve hours, and let me tell you, that is pretty damn unusual.
Dr. Li: I am glad to hear it. But apart from that, nothing particularly notable on waking. Okay. And you're sure you talk about nothing out of the ordinary?
D-919454: Well, I mean… she's mentioned other people, you know? Other people she's met. Apparently she's gotten quite a few visitors. I, uh, don't know if it's all true? She said recently a guy she'd rescued from being trapped smack in the middle of the ocean, and she said she got him to visit pretty regularly. I don't know if you know this, but um, I think she tries to get them to come back.
Dr. Li: Did she mention anything about if they stopped coming back?
D-919454: I… don't think so. Why?
Dr. Li: Oh, just curious. Covering all the bases.
D-919454 She-she did mention that there was a time, a long time ago, for years, where just no one came, when no one cared. Can't make no one come back, I guess. But not a visitor, not a friend. She uh… said she'd felt beyond abandoned. Actually, maybe that's why she said my dream was the worst thing, just the worst thing. And… I mean, I never even had it that bad in prison. I dunno.
Rapid scribbling from Dr. Li.
D-919454: When you, uh, get to a certain point… If you were someone like her, who had a lot to offer, but couldn't… might go a little nutty. I went a little nutty, a while back, when I was in that kind of situation. That nothingness. And I acted out. Bad. And uh… now I'm here. I dunno. Maybe she did too. I'd dreamed it, she's lived it. If I were her, with that active mind and heart, and I felt "beyond abandoned?"
Scribbling.
D-919454 Might want to do something big to get a bit of company.
Long silence, apart from more scribbling.
D-919454: [cough] Sorry, got carried away. Well, I've been getting carried away. [sniff] Whatever it is, I'm just glad, I am so glad, that we can visit each other.
Dr. Li: Okay… I think that clears up some matters. And you are on rotation for… another two months, is that correct?
D-919454 Seven weeks, two days.
Dr. Li Alright, this has been very helpful. As for your request, I will make no promises. It depends on what happens with time.
Laughter from D-919454
D-919454: A man can dream, eh? Eh?
Dr. Li: ████, thank you for your time.
<End Log>

- Interview 5260.1 with D-919454

Addendum 5260.1

Team,
I've applied to give D-919454 nightly access to SCP-5260, contingent on exemplary behavior and a requirement for him to continue sleeping in separate quarters. Given how this seems to be a low risk way to simplify containment, I expect it to go through soon.
Also, I've been asked if this can be classified as neutralized. I doubt it. I am keeping prior containment procedures on record, and I recommend you all keep them fresh in your head. Because D-919454 won't be around forever, and since problems stopped when he arrived, problems could return when he's gone. I'd like to think Betty will take his grandad's advice and be content, but we'll see.
For now, when he's on duty, you are not to wake D-919454 for anything but the most pressing emergency situations. Otherwise, let them dream.
Any questions, let me know.
-Dr. Li

Footnotes
1. Selected for its ability to boost the recollection of dreams.
2. While common, insomnia after separation appears self-induced, rather than an anomalous influence.
3. Someone needs to follow up with her, now that containment's updated. -Dr. Li

« SCP-5259 | SCP-5260 | SCP-5261 »


SCP-5261: Nobody Suspects a Thing

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F.A.Q.

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ITEM NUMBER: SCP-5261
LEVEL 3/5261

CONTAINMENT CLASS: KETER
CONFIDENTIAL

An aquarium affected by SCP-5261, formerly occupied by krill.

Special Containment Procedures: Foundation webcrawler J/M-CON is to monitor news outlets and social media platforms for posts regarding strange occurrences within establishments housing marine life. Witnesses to known SCP-5261 occurrences are to be amnesticized under cover story 58-B ("Burglary") and are to be reimbursed for their losses. SCP-5261 events discovered in-progress are to have their SCP-5261-1 instances captured and relocated to Marine Site-82. These instances are to be released into a contained section of the Atlantic Ocean to nullify their anomalous properties, and are to then be recaptured and monitored for further anomalous properties before permanent relocation or use in testing.
Following the events of 03/22/2021, feeding and care of SCP-5261-1 is to be heavily monitored and done remotely if possible. Individuals outside of SCP-5261's research team wishing to access specimens of SCP-5261-1 require prior approval and accompaniment for the duration.
Description: SCP-5261 refers to an anomalous phenomenon affecting businesses housing large amounts of marine life, most prominently aquariums and exotic pet stores. No direct link between affected businesses has been found, however the majority of them were found to have previously failed inspections of their quality care or to have obtained their wildlife through fraudulent means.
SCP-5261 is believed to result in the development of a shared sapience among aquatic life housed by the business, similar to a hive-mind. Within 24 to 32 hours of this intelligence developing, affected organisms (referred to as SCP-5261-1) will work in tandem to escape the business, utilizing tactics often associated with prison escapes in popular media. It is unknown how SCP-5261-1 successfully employ most of these tactics, as their efficacy seems to be often unhindered by a lack of prehensile limbs. Following this, SCP-5261-1 will locate and disperse within the nearest open body of saltwater. Anomalous effects will cease once SCP-5261-1 have successfully dispersed or have been captured and recontained.
The frequency and scale of SCP-5261 events appears to be completely random, with notable events including;

A small tank of starfish found with its contents plastered across the glass, completely blocking the interior. Further inspection discovered several snails within the tank attempting to unscrew a vent cover using their shells as makeshift screwdrivers.
A tank of crabs was found to contain makeshift replicas of the tank's occupants by filling molted shells with colored pebbles, sand, and artificial plants. The current whereabouts of the crabs are unknown, although several hundred dollars were also found missing from the store's cash register.
A missing pet store transport van discovered on an abandoned stretch of beach. The corpse of the driver was found in the back of the vehicle covered in small puncture wounds. Autopsy results found traces of puffer fish poison present within the cadaver's circulatory system. All transport tanks within the van were found to have been shattered, although fragmentation analysis suggests they were broken from the inside.
The entirety of the New England Aquarium being found completely emptied of aquatic life and its entire security detail missing. Upon further inspection it was found that each of the tanks was connected by a network of tunnels leading to the open ocean, centered on the Giant Ocean Tank1. Examination of the aquarium's security system found that each of the surveillance cameras had been obscured with dried squid ink. The location of the security detail is still unknown, although pieces of dead coral carved into accurate depictions of firearms were found at the bottom of several tanks.

Addendum.5261.1: On 3/22/2021, an alarm sounded signalling that a minor breach of SCP-5261-1's containment tanks had been detected. On-site security investigated but returned claiming there was already an agent on the scene. Shortly afterwards, a large surge of aquatic life was detected being released from an on-site disposal hatch. Security forces discovered the supposed agent nearby, who moved in an erratic manner while fleeing, knocking over furniture and bumping into walls. After being detained, the agent began vomiting a large amount of seawater and organic matter, along with two large octopods. Security attempted to detain the octopods, but they were able to escape into a nearby bathroom before their whereabouts were lost.
An autopsy of the agent found that the individual matched no Foundation employee on record, possessing false identification made of dried kelp and ink. It is believed that the octopods were piloting the body by lightly squeezing sections of the individual's brain to trigger movement, with one controlling the arms and legs and one compressing the lungs to provide the brain air. Following this event, more thorough screening of employees entering the site has been implemented.

Footnotes
1. A massive tank containing a Caribbean coral reef alongside thousands of aquatic animals. It is unknown how the reef was relocated through the tunnel network, although it was later found intact several thousand kilometers offshore. Sections of dead coral were found to have tally markings carved into them, totaling 1,415.

« SCP-5260 | Deadly Bread | SCP-5262 »


Item #: SCP-5262
Object Class: Safe Neutralized Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-5262 is housed within the ornithology department of Site-83. Access to SCP-5262 is not restricted and researchers wishing to observe the anomaly are free to do so without any specific authorizations.
Description: SCP-5262 is an adult female European herring gull (Larus argentatus). Upon visiting a beach, it constructs a structure out of sand, resembling a traditional sandcastle. These are almost always engraved with writing in the Breton language1 celebrating Brittany as an independent state before its integration to France in the Middle Ages, and advocating for secession and independence from the rest of the country. Common inscriptions include "Bevet Breizh !" (long live Brittany!) and "Ar Breizh frank a vo trec'h !" (free Brittany will triumph!).
The resulting sand structures present no anomalous properties. Following the erection of a structure, SCP-5262 will observe human reactions to its production. As advocacy for Breton independence is fairly uncommon in modern times, human subjects often react mockingly, resulting in signs of frustration in SCP-5262.
On 2017/09/05, SCP-5262 was captured in order to investigate its motivations and evaluate its knowledge of the history of Brittany. The following interview was lead by Dr Le Mesre and translated from Breton.

<BEGIN TRANSCRIPT>
Dr Le Mesre: Hello… can you understand me?
(SCP-5262 begins writing in the sand of its enclosure using its beak)Dr Le Mesre: Um. I would like to know your reasons for supporting Breton independence.
(SCP-5262 stares at Dr Le Mesre)
Dr Le Mesre: And also… how much… you know about Breton history.Dr Le Mesre: Alright, yes. However, have you not noticed some… reluctance from the public, as of late?Dr Le Mesre: For how long have you engaged in those activities? Can you give me… a starting date?Dr Le Mesre: May I ask whether you are aware of any differences between you and other seagulls?Dr Le Mesre: Are you aware of any other individuals with the same… behavior?Dr Le Mesre: Well, it is my job.<END TRANSCRIPT>

On 2018/03/18, SCP-5262 was fitted with a GPS tag and released in order to further study its behavior. However, as it endured more and more mockery from passers-by, SCP-5262 began showing more signs of frustration and eventually stopped building structures. Its activity became limited to scraping words in the sand, with the same meaning as before, but in French rather than Breton.
On 2018/03/23, SCP-5262 showed signs of distress and stopped all anomalous activity. It became withdrawn from the rest of the flock and appeared to not feed as often. Below is an interview of SCP-5262 at that time.

<BEGIN TRANSCRIPT>
Dr Le Mesre: Hello, SCP-5262. It seems your mood is degrading.Dr Le Mesre: It is a critically endangered regional language.Dr Le Mesre: Exactly how much do you know about the political structure of France?Dr Le Mesre: I have been discussing the possibility of your future recapture with my team. We could provide you with abundant Breton conversation.Dr Le Mesre: Oh, excuse me, but you misspelled the word "free". It's frank, not franck.
(Long pause from SCP-5262)<END TRANSCRIPT>

On 2018/03/26, all signs of negativity in SCP-5262's demeanor had worn away. It had fully returned to the flock and fed as necessary. As SCP-5262's behavior is now indistinct from that of its non-anomalous con-specifics, it was reclassified as Neutralized and tracking was halted.
Addendum: On 2020/05/20, two years after previous observations, a female European herring gull matching SCP-5262's description was sighted in the French region of Corsica. It has been seen building sand structures and engraving them with the inscription "Free Corsica!" in the Corsican language. Investigation is under way.

Footnotes
1. A Celtic language closely related to Cornish and Welsh spoken in the French Region of Brittany. It has been mostly replaced with French.

« SCP-5261 | SCP-5262| SCP-5263 »


SCP-5264.

Item #: SCP-5264
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-5264 are to be contained in an air-tight plastic bag and stored in the fridge located in Lab 3, and may only be removed for testing.
Any phone calls made to personnel claiming to be or acquaintanced with 'Chef Lorance' are to be dismissed and traced immediately. Chef Lorance has yet to be contained.
Description: SCP-5264 are a group of swelling brussels sprouts, containing large pockets of air and various spices1, bursting when placed in water or held over heat. The produce does not seem to rot while contained but deflates when exposed to oxygen or stomach acid, secreting the spices. SCP-5264 has appeared in multiple television advertisements by 'Lory's Kitchen' showing various meals using the product 'Splodin' Sprouts', and have been sought after by a man named Chef Foyer Lorance while SCP-5264 are in containment.
Addendum 64.1 - Discovery
SCP-5264 were discovered in advertisements featuring 'Lory's Kitchen' and from various positive reviews about the restaurant located in Cannes, France. The entity named 'Chef Lorance' prepared meals in front of guests at an alarmingly fast pace, which guests described as 'not physically possible' and 'crazy as hell'. Chef Lorance reportedly only worked with two other employees, whose identities are unknown. The restaurant was investigated after reviews on social media reported sudden health and safety violations including stomachaches, diarrhoea, and burns when residual brussels sprouts hit guests in the face. Chef Lorance had commented that 'what was happening was new' and 'someone must have messed with my food'.
A note was found on top of the pile of SCP-5264 at the time of discovery in Lory's Kitchen.

This is for Lorance, you musty baboon,
I've been a loyal friend and employee to this restaurant for God knows how long and frankly I'm sick and tired of it. 'What're we making today Lancy?' 'Sprouts'. 'What's todays special?' 'You're not gonna believe it!' I am so, so tired and even if it's a better pay than most jobs, money isn't cutting the deal here. It's your attitude. You're obsessed with them. Completely head-over-heels for a little green condensed cabbage of GARBAGE. I've long since gotten used to the smell but the thing is, I'm worried, actually.
I'm calling to this guy I know, some investigator, about the sprouts because they are pretty peculiar, yes, and I wonder how you grow them, but mostly because I want you to get away from them. You need distance from those brussels, Foyer, they're bad for you. You spend all your time cooking them with no regard for your own health! Anything is bad in moderation.
Oh, and also I'm opening a pizza chain down the street and I don't want competition.
~Toodles!

Addendum 64.2 - Advertisements
Recordings of advertisements show Chef Lorance making meals using 'Splodin' Sprouts and various other vegetables:

"[Singing] ~Lory's Kitchen, the secret recipe,
Watch how they bubble, watch how they gleam!
Exploding brussels, and delicious cream!
Order now and you'll see what I mean!~
Come to Lory's Kitchen to see the new way to cook vegetables! Try our new Spicy Chicken and our new 'Splodin' Sprouts today!"

"It's Chef Lory! Hooray!
Hey, friends! Check this out!"
[The advertisement shows Chef Lorance throwing SCP-5264 in the air, bursting them, and letting them fall onto a plate of roasted ham and mashed potatoes]
"I've been making all sorts of dishes since I was a young child, imbued with the magical powers of…passion! How? With practise, and why? Because I love to! Cooking has always been my talent. And I don't trust anyone with my food except myself! Come down and see me work my magic with my new 'Splodin Sprouts and other delicious meals!"

The advertisements were discontinued before the closure of Lory's Kitchen on 05/06/2006.
Addendum 65.3
Multiple researchers have claimed to be receiving phone calls on their personal devices from an unknown number, tracing back to payphones located in Cannes, France.

"Hi! It's Lory. I'm a little confused as to why you keep hanging up whenever I try to discuss the brussels sprouts with you. The thing is, I just really, REALLY need them back for my cooking! They're the highlight of my entire cooking career, those sprouts, and if I don't get them back I'll just as well grow more myself! If I can. I don't remember how to, you know? They just showed up. You can pry these sprouts from my cold, dead hands and yet you still won't be able to harness the true power of the sprout! Oh…sorry…did that get a bit awkward? …Bye."

"Haha, Hi, it's Lorance. I want to discuss the sprout with you. Yea. The 'splodin ones…Can I have them back? Please? I won't get too flashy with them like last time, I swear! No? Will, is that you? Who's Will? Aw Curry don't get smart with me now-"

"I don't get it. Hello? I'm still mad. Normal folk can't handle a little danger for some good food, huh? Do you know what ah…social media is? People are leaving some pretty filthy reviews on there, and I'm scared it'll bring the inspector on us. All I want is to cook, Will. That's all I want. But people just have to make it…difficult…for kooks like us. Do you think someone did it on purpose..?"

"Hello, is this Curry? Listen to me, Will. It's…Lorance. I know you want me out of business. We all know it. But why would you do something so disgraceful as to take another chef's recipe? You're a lowlife and a fraud, and if I see you even touching my sprouts with your greasy little pizza fingers, I won't be afraid to shut things down once and for all."

"Hello, Will? I'd be dying to know where my sprouts are… I just need a couple, please. Have some sympathy. My business is ruined because something went wrong with my latest batch and now I'm stuck. Come on, we were partners…Curry please, I just want to cook for people. You know?… Watch how they bubble, watch how they gleam~…

"WILL!…You beautiful man! Where are my veggies? Where are they? I know you got them in the Foun- the…yea! You know, I bet we could cook something right now. I mean me. You!
[There is audible crashes and the sound of coins dropping]
Ah my change! Get back here I gotta keep talkin' to Wi- oof! Me noggin! Ah, fuck! My drink! …Whatever. You know my number, call me if you want, but I know where my damned sprouts are. If I don't get them back they're coming with me anyway. Bye."

Addendum 65.4
On 23/04/2010, SCP-5264 began to decompose after 4 years without any sign of past decomposition. The sprouts appear to have deflated entirely and shrunken in size. Further tests proved that the group of SCP-5264 did not explode anymore.
After being presumed missing since 17/09/2006, the body of Chef Foyer Lorance washed up on the shores of Plage du Midi, Cannes on the 20/04/2010.

Footnotes
1. Saffron, Pepper, Rosemary, Sea Salt, Paprika

« SCP-5263 | SCP-5264 | SCP-5265 »


SKYFIRE - Popsioak

▸ More by this Author ◂

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F.A.Q.

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Item Number: 5265
Clearance Level: One
Object Class: Euclid

A photograph contained in one of SCP-5265's pockets.

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-5265 is to be contained within a standard humanoid cell. Stimulation, such as books, paper, and a pencil, is to be provided on a regular basis. No sustenance is necessary.
Description: SCP-5265 is a disembodied arm of an adult male. Despite a large wound where the arm would have been affixed to its original body, as well as signs of decomposition and arthritis, it shows no hindrance in actions. It is clothed in an Indian Army uniform, dating back to the early 1940s. Genetic testing to determine the owner of SCP-5265 has proven inconclusive.
SCP-5265 is capable of limited movement. By repeatedly locking and unlocking itself in positions and grasping surfaces with its nails, it can produce a vaguely inchworm-like style of locomotion. Additionally, SCP-5265 is capable of challenging manual tasks, such as threading a needle or flipping a glass, despite lacking ocular organs or a neural center.
SCP-5265 has displayed signs of sapience, writing in a dated form of British English to communicate when given a pen. However, SCP-5265 is incapable of understanding attempts to communicate with it, presumably from a lack of expertise in Braille.
Attached are assorted communications from SCP-5265.

Khalistan.1
Glory to Khalistan.

It is so dark. Where has everyone gone?

I smell fire. It is dead for now. Long dead. But I smell fire.
I feel like many small parts all at once.
Where is the rest of me?

Where is my regiment? They will come. Back. It has not been too long. I don't think so.

Where are you?
My love. Where have you gone?

There was a man.
He said to fight for the British, against the Germans.
I did not want to. We left the British before.
But I trusted him.
I should not have trusted him.

They told me that if I died, I would see God.
I have not seen him. Everything is terrible.
Their God takes care of all His children. I should have remembered 20 missionaries who told us that before.

I am scared of myself. I am scared of loud noises. I am scared of being trapped. I cannot breathe.

Get me out of here.
Get me out of here.
Get me out of here.
I do not want to live like this.

I am sorry I will not be able to send you money, dear.
I know your cousin needed it for her wedding.
Please forgive me.

Do not leave me.
I do not want to be alone.

They will not come back to me. I will be alone.
If only.

I have one option.

I will move.
I will return.
I will create my Khalistan.
My farms are dry. They will soon be fresh.
Glory to Khalistan.
I will get out.
I will get out.
I will not be alone.

Note: On production of the last note, SCP-5265 produced a fully-loaded Lee Enfield No.1 Mk.III rifle from its pocket. The origin of this weapon is currently unknown - checks in SCP-5265's pockets previously yielded no thaumaturgical traces or spatial anomalies. SCP-5265 proceeded to grasp the rifle, and fired it at the nearest window. Recoil from the rifle caused it to jump backwards and sever SCP-5265 at the wrist. Immediately, the flesh of the detached arm section decomposed into a black, putrid sludge, leaving only bone. The hand section worked the bolt and fired again, dislocating and severing SCP-5265's lower portion of its hand and thumb with the rifle's bayonet, leaving a thin section of flesh and four fingers. Severed sections decomposed again. The remaining section ceased firing, instead retrieving a piece of paper and proceeding to write the following note.

I will continue.
There is no other option I have.
I do not want to die. I do not want to live like this.
So what will I do?
There is no crying. There is no time for depression.
I must continue.

« You Can't Live There Forever | IN SAFFRON SANDS | Remember Me As a Time of Day »

Footnotes
1. The conceptual form of a sovereign state of Sikhs.

« SCP-5264 | SCP-5265 | SCP-5266 »


SCP-5266-1 instance 82. Note that no SCP-5266-2 instances are visible in this shot.
The individual in the video has yet to be identified.

Item #: SCP-5266
Object Class: Keter
Special Containment Procedures: Foundation webcrawlers are to monitor all video-sharing platforms for links with titles consistent with SCP-5266-1 title patterns. For videos tagged by the webcrawler, standard digital recursion tests will be made to determine if the links will yield a URL when opened, indicating an SCP-5266-1 instance. Links found to lead to SCP-5266-1 instances will be summarily deleted.
Additional media-monitoring webcrawlers are to search for possible mentions and coverage of SCP-5266 events. Agents will be dispatched to possible cases to confirm the anomaly, and subsequently retrieve SCP-5266-2 instances and administer amnestics.
Foundation personnel education course C-32 "Hazards Of The Web" has an included portion demonstrating the best response to Foundation personnel being targeted by an SCP-5266 event. Personnel will be advised to immediately call for help before seeking out and either contacting or destroying SCP-5266-2 instances. An onsite medical team with a UAD1 kit and defibrillation gear is to be dispatched immediately to the target's location, where they will either aid in deactivation of SCP-5266-2 or attempt to resuscitate the affected person should initial attempts fail.
Description: SCP-5266 is the collective designation for a series of anomalous YouTube videos and the phenomenon resulting from viewing them. Individual instances of videos are referred to as SCP-5266-1.
New SCP-5266-1 instances are uploaded on an estimated average of once every 2 weeks, and each video ranges from 3 to 4 minutes in length. The videos, when played, have no associated upload channel or URL address, and to date searching for SCP-5266-1 instances has yielded no results. The only known method of initially encountering SCP-5266 is for an instance to spontaneously appear in the viewer's recommendations tab. Only the first occurrence of each individual video can trigger the major anomalous properties of SCP-5266, and videos can be safely viewed and saved after the initial event has concluded.
SCP-5266-1 instances are typically titled consistently with internet clickbait, featuring exaggerated descriptions of the contents of the video in all capital letters.2 Each video is a recording of a previous SCP-5266 event, featuring a single subject suffering the effects of such while accompanied by a song written and performed by American disco group Village People. The videos always end with several seconds of a black screen, with a short series of high-pitched tones and bursts of static playing over it.3
SCP-5266-1 videos are commonly recorded from any security cameras or other recording devices present on the scene, proven by camera angles and video quality. The cameras are reverted back to a normal state with no signs of tampering after the event concludes. In the event that an incident occurs in an area without pre-existing cameras, the video appears to be shot from an unknown handheld device by an unknown operator, indicated by swaying of the camera present in the video along with the faint sound of breathing. It is noted that no victims of SCP-5266 have ever been seen to react to the presence of the camera's operator, and no physical traces have been left behind to date. Research into a potential camera operator POI and further sub-anomalies is pending.
Upon opening an SCP-5266-1 video, an as-of-yet unidentified toxic substance4 immediately begins entering the viewer's bloodstream through anomalous means, at a rate ensuring that a fatal dose is reached exactly as the video ends. It is noted that SCP-5266-1 video instances are unable to be paused, and will continue playing even if no power source is present. In 32% of cases, all exits out of the immediate area will spontaneously lock themselves if possible. Upon the music in the video beginning to play, 4 to 7 instances of SCP-5266-2 will manifest in the immediate area, usually hidden from sight or otherwise slightly obstructed.
SCP-5266-2 instances are human shrunken heads genetically identical to past or present members of the aforementioned Village People. SCP-5266-2 instances wear a variety of different headpieces, including cowboy hats, police helmets, hard hats and Native-American headdresses. Instances are capable of motion, and upon manifesting will immediately begin to sing along to the song playing in the active SCP-5266-1 video in unison, with instances serving as backup singers or solo singers as necessary. SCP-5266-2 instances will continue to vocalize until either being damaged or coming into contact with the current target of SCP-5266's effects.
In order to halt the effects of an SCP-5266 event, all active instances of SCP-5266-2 must be made to cease vocalizing by either of the aforementioned means. Upon doing so, the toxin will immediately vanish from the subject's body and the heads will lose all anomalous properties aside from origin. At this point subjects will most likely survive, but it is still possible for them to succumb to the lingering symptoms of the toxin if they have pre-existing health conditions.
Instance Logs:

+ Show Instance 5266-38

- Hide Log

Video Contents Date: 05/21/2015
Video Subject: Officer Mitchell ███████, later interviewed in Log 5266-38-B, alongside other subjects present. Other persons in the area were later amnesticized.
Video Title: Big Dude Dances!! IS HE A HOT COP ENOUGH??

[BEGIN LOG]
Subject is seated behind his desk in █████████ PD District 7. A smartphone is being used to watch videos in the left hand as subject consumes a bagel with their right hand. The video is being recorded from the building's security cameras, and changes perspective several times. The initial shot is from the camera over the office door. No other persons are present.
2 seconds pass after subject can be seen tapping his phone to select the video. The music begins and SCP-5266-2 instances manifest. Two instances can be seen, one on top of a filing cabinet behind the subject, and another inside an empty coffee pot left on the opposite counter.
Subject: What, my headphones crapped out? C'mon.
Subject removes listening devices from ears and attempts to pause the video, to no avail. They continue to attempt to pause the video several more times, before holding it to their ear to confirm the music is not emanating from the device. 10 seconds have passed.
Subject: The hell?
SCP-5266-2: Music! Music is my thing!
Subject looks up and notices the SCP-5266-2 instance in the coffee pot, freezing when they do so. They then slowly reach down to a walkie-talkie on their belt, bring it to their face, and begin speaking into it. SCP-5266-2 instances continue singing.
Subject: Paulie. Get up here. And help me confirm what. I. Am. Seeing.
SCP-5266-2: Pleasure is my game, pleasure will lead to my fortune and fame, all right!
Subject stands up and slowly approaches the coffee pot, maintaining direct line of sight as he does so. Upon reaching the pot, picking it up and inspecting SCP-5266-2 closer, he can be seen to recoil in revulsion, then wobble slightly due to the toxin's effects. 35 seconds have passed.
SCP-5266-2: But baby I'll burn you, if you're dancing with me!
A secondary subject, henceforth referred to as Subject B, enters the office. Initial subject will be referred to as Subject A for the remainder of the log.
Subject B: Hey, Mitch, what're you ringing me up here for? I could barely hear you over the-
Subject B notices the SCP-5266-2 instance on the filing cabinet and screams, before drawing their pistol and firing rapidly at it 5 times, with the fourth shot making contact and neutralizing the instance. Startled, Subject A drops the coffee pot, which shatters and neutralizes the instance within.
SCP-5266-2: 'Cause he's a HOT COP! Hottest cop on the disco scene!
Subject A curses, before rushing across the room to another set of desks, following the voice of another SCP-5266-2 instance.
SCP-5266-2: People say that I'm a dancing machine!
Subject B: What the hell is this Mitch?! This ain't natural! Christ!
Subject B steps back into a wastebasket, knocking it over and causing another instance to roll out amidst crumpled papers. 46 seconds have passed.
SCP-5266-2: 'Cause he's a HOT COP! Hottest cop that you'll ever see!
Subject B: Christ! Fuck! There's another one!
Subject B stomps on the instance repeatedly, neutralizing it.
Subject A: Paulie, don't just wreck 'em! We gotta keep one of the damned things, see if the feds or somebody knows what it is.
SCP-5266-2: I bet you never meet a cop as funky as me!
Subject A opens several drawers, before finding an instance and pulling it out, causing it to cease vocalizing. 68 seconds have passed.
Subject A: Oh hell, I regret touchin' this. I'm gonna puke in a minute.
SCP-5266-2: Boogie, boogie! Boogie, boogie! Get on down!
Subject B: The song's still going! There's more somewhere!
Both subjects continue to scour the room until 108 seconds have passed, at which point Subject A collapses due to SCP-5266's effects.
Subject B: Mitch? Hey, Mitch?
Subject A: Hggh. I-I think my heart's going.
SCP-5266-2: Party! Boogie, boogie! Boogie, boogie! Get on d-
Subject B: SHUT IT!
Subject B draws their pistol again and fires twice towards a window, presumably aiming at a nearby SCP-5266-2 instance. The window can be heard shattering and shards of glass can be seen falling onto the floor. The vocalizing ceases after the instance was presumably destroyed, ending the SCP-5266 event. Subject B can be seen rushing to perform CPR on Subject A before the video ends.
[END LOG]

Addendum: Subjects A and B were both interviewed after being identified from the video, ███ days afterwards. Both had chosen not to reveal the details of the events to others, for the stated reason of "Not wantin' to look like a fuckin' headcase", which resulted in them being fired from their positions as a result of causing property destruction and negligent discharges with no given explanation.
Post-interview, the intact SCP-5266-2 instance was retrieved from Subject A, and both subjects were offered positions in Foundation security after showing proficiency in responding to anomalous events and maintaining rational thought during a crisis.

- Hide Log

Addendum 5266-A6: On 08/11/2016 at 2:07 PM, during cross-testing of SCP-████ and SCP-████ at Site-26, a Type-E7 Dimensional Rift was produced resulting in the manifestation of an M-Class Thaumaturgical Arch-Entity.5 Containment of 11 Euclid-Class objects and 3 Keter-Class objects was nearly breached by the entity and 27 onsite personnel were memetically compromised, when incident 5266-A6 ocurred.

+ Show Incident 5266-A6

- Hide Log

Transcript footage taken from onsite security cameras.

[BEGIN LOG]
Onsite security can be seen following standard hostile intrusion procedure, forming a blockade at the end of the hallway. The M-Class entity6 steps into frame opposite the security team.
Sec. Officer Trudeau: Visual. Get behind the barrier.
All members of the security team assume positions behind the deployed P-84 Antikinetics Barrier. Entity M-A6 continues approaching with no change in pace.
Trudeau: Okay, standard munitions test. It has a head; aim for that.
Security personnel open fire with standard armaments. Fire is maintained for 3.7 seconds, during which bullets are seen to sublimate before making contact with the entity.
Sec. Officer Messina: Nothing. Deploying Hardlight Rifle, get the TD-Lance ready too.
Messina fires at Entity M-A6. The beam contacts the target above the secondary left eye, where it is refracted back towards the team. The barrier absorbs the impact, but stray photon condensation damages the surveillance system.
Entity M-A6: Futile. Bow.
Trudeau: Christ. All except gunner, heads down. How's the charge on th-
Footage is cut off as the security camera shorts out.

Footage resumes from onsite Office 11. Entity M-A6 is seen entering through the doorframe after ripping the door off its hinges. The entity has since grown two additional sets of mandibles and is dragging an unconscious Junior Researcher Haldings behind it with one hand.
Entity M-A6: Awaken.
A blue gas can be seen exiting Haldings' mouth and eyes, and he startles awake.
Haldings: Wh-Guh! Christ! Christ, what do you want?
Entity M-A6: Reveal. Scriptures. Forbidden.
The entity points towards the computer monitor at the office's workstation. The computer in question is primarily used for access to SCP files, for cross-reference to acquired GoI documents. An open YouTube tab can be seen on the screen.
Haldings: What? N-no, I can't give you access, the other anom-
Entity M-A6: Obey. Or [INFOHAZARD REDACTED]
Haldings: O-oh. Okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, just don't-
Entity M-A6: Reveal.
Haldings is thrown towards the desk, where he slowly gets to his feet and looks back at the entity, before placing his hand on the mouse. He begins to close the tab, but halts, and can be seen inspecting the screen closer. After a second, he repositions the mouse without closing the YouTube tab and then taps at several keys with no effect before turning back to face Entity M-A6.
Haldings: Okay, I've, I've got it all ready for you. Just, uh, press this here, with your finger.
Entity M-A6: Obedience. Satisfactory.
Haldings moves to the side as the entity approaches the computer and clicks once with the mouse on the SCP-5266-1 instance that he had noticed. The event begins, and SCP-5266-2 instances manifest. One instance appears in the water cooler tank adjacent to Haldings, who upon seeing this grabs the jug and begins running out the door as the music starts.
Entity M-A6: …Incantation?
SCP-5266-2: YOUNG MAN!
Entity M-A6: Incorrect. Title is [INFOHAZARD REDACTED]
SCP-5266-2: There's no need to feel down, I said YOUNG MAN-
Entity M-A6: Insolence. Punish.
The entity smashes the computer monitor with its forelimbs. The music continues playing, prompting the entity to look around in confusion.
Entity M-A6: Resistance? Audacity.
SCP-5266-2: You can stay there, and I'm sure you will find, many ways! To! Have! A! Good time!
A SCP-5266-2 instance rolls out from the lifted lid of a photocopier, dislodged by its own vocalizations. Entity M-A6 swivels to face it, before lunging forwards to crush it in anger. 59 seconds have passed since the event began.
SCP-5266-2: It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A!
Entity M-A6: BE NOT.
SCP-5266-2: It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-AY-HAYHAAY!
The entity continually screams as it overturns the rest of the office, demolishing the room and the SCP-5266-2 instances contained within. 127 seconds total have passed as it finishes rampaging and stands still, breathing heavily from both exertion and the effects of the toxin. It looks around for the source of the music, before noticing the trail of water left behind by the fleeing Junior Researcher Haldings. The security cameras in the office give out due to damage.

Footage is resumed from a series of cameras in the Site's hallways. Haldings is seen running frantically, clutching the jug to his chest. An angry screech can be heard from a ways behind Haldings.
Haldings: Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck its coming-Will you shut up?
SCP-5266-2: -Y-M-C-A! They have ever-y-thing, for your men to enjoy-
Entity M-A6: [Furious screaming in an unknown language]
Haldings continues running and turns a corner, still trailing water. Entity M-A6 enters the frame and skids into the wall as its motor functions begin to atrophy, failing to make the turn. Haldings screams and increases speed, and the SCP-5266-2 instance continues vocalizing. After several seconds, Entity M-A6 attempts to stand up before slipping in the puddles, screaming again, before successfully righting itself and resuming pursuit. Haldings, now further away, can be seen frantically attempting to open the Site's tertiary saferoom. 168 total seconds have elapsed.
Haldings: …C'mon, c'mon, open you dumb thing!
SCP-5266-2: That's when! Someone came up to me, and-
Entity M-A6 rounds the corner as the armored door opens, and Haldings ducks inside with the jug, closing the doors behind him. The entity charges, and begins clawing at the doors, beginning to visibly damage them.
Haldings: No, no, please, just a little longer!
At this time, Security Officer Messina slowly limps into frame, with their left arm missing below the elbow and dragging a prototype Thaumaturgical Destabilization Lance behind them. Entity M-A6 has created a large gash in the armored doors, and has begun to reach inside.
Messina: Hey. Fucker.
Entity M-A6 turns to face Messina.
Messina: Remember me?
Messina fires the lance, impacting the entity and causing a large plume of smoke to obstruct it from sight. After several seconds pass, the entity staggers out of the cloud and begins to step towards Messina, but instead collapses to the ground as the SCP-5266-2 instance fades out its singing and the event concludes.
Haldings: Oh, uh, Messina! Y-you're alive!
Messina: Just-Gah!-Just get me some morphine.
[END LOG]

The body of Entity M-A6 was recovered and reclassified accordingly. 34 days later, a SCP-5266-1 instance corresponding to the incident was found, titled: "PRINCE OF THE THIRD ABYSSAL RING GETS PWNED! VORTH-TA'AG VS VILLAGE PEOPLE!"

- Hide Log

Footnotes
1. Universal Antidote and Detoxification. UAD kits have proven to be 48% effective at removing symptoms of SCP-5266 if administered within 6 minutes of the event's onset.
2. Ex. "IDIOT SUCCUMBS TO NEUROTOXIN WHILE LISTENING TO MACHO MAN CLICK NOW TO SEE" in case 5266-51 or "DISCO GONE WRONG?!?!! OFFICE WORKER GETS POISONED" in case 5266-07
3. Foundation cryptography teams have been assigned to decoding the signals, with success pending.
4. Substance may change depending on current target and their level of resistance, as indicated by the events of 08/11/2016.
5. Separate incident log is restricted to Level 3 personnel or higher.
6. Referred to as Entity M-A6 for the remainder of this documentation.

« SCP-5265 | SCP-5266 | SCP-5267 »


Item #: SCP-5268
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: Due to SCP-5268's popularity, containment is an ongoing process. All instances of SCP-5268 are to be confiscated by Foundation agents as soon as they are identified. Instances are to be transported to Site-37 for disposal via burning, with two instances being kept in a secured storage locker on-site for study. Chapters 4-5 may be read by personnel with Security Level 3 or higher.
Foundation Webcrawler Food Fighter will monitor social media for users suspected of exposure to SCP-5268. Anyone showing symptoms of SCP-5268's memetic effect are to be administered amnestics appropriate to the level of progression and monitored for regression.
Description: SCP-5268 is a book titled "The Art of Spaghetti," written by Chef Frederick Hoffman. The first chapter of the book is a step-by-step guide on how to cook spaghetti noodles. Near the end of the cooking process, the chapter insists that it is necessary to test a noodle by throwing it at a wall to see if it "sticks." Chapter 1 claims the spaghetti is done and ready to be drained if it sticks to the wall.
The chapter puts an undue amount of stress on this step, to the point of redundancy. Readers who make it this far will not put down the book, unless vigorous attempts are made to disrupt them.
After this point, the book ceases any mention of spaghetti and instead emphasizes the importance of adding chaos to food. It makes claims of superior flavor and the importance of eating food, "without pomp and circumstance, the way it was meant to be." It also denounces the use of most conventional eating utensils. Instead, it claims that hands are the only tool needed for eating.
Once an individual has finished reading up to "Chapter 3: The Inherent Chaotic Nature of Eating", they will cook spaghetti within three days of completion, if able, and experiment with throwing a spaghetti noodle at the wall to see if it's done. Following this first experiment, they will be compelled to try this method with other forms of pasta. Within two weeks, their symptoms will have progressed to a point where the person will feel compelled to throw a portion of everything they eat at the nearest wall to "see if it's done."
Those under the influence of SCP-5268's effects will not find the behavior abnormal. At this point, only food that sticks to a wall when thrown will be deemed fit for consumption by the affected persons. Food that does not stick is given a false attribute, such as being undercooked, stale, or spoiled. Aside from their eating habits, those under the influence of SCP-5268 behave as they usually would and eating food off the wall is not harmful to them.
Discovery: SCP-5268 came to the Foundation's attention when a well-known culinary photographer Daniel Shaw, who possesses a significant online presence, was arrested for disorderly conduct and erratic behavior.
Mr. Shaw attended an upscale restaurant opening in Los Angeles, CA with a group of friends. When his meal was served, he grabbed a handful of his meal and threw it at the nearest wall. His entire dining party followed suit, causing chaos within the establishment. Witnesses said that after throwing part of his meal, he began licking it directly off the wall. Afterwards he attempted to throw more at the wall. The rest of his dining party had remained in their seats to continue their meals. He was accosted by restaurant staff before he could continue.
The entire party expressed confusion and outrage at the arrest of Mr. Shaw, forcing them to be removed from the scene. News of his arrest reached his online followers via a recorded video from one of the dining party, prompting his followers to report similar experiences. Reports of disruptions in public eating establishments became widespread, at which point the Foundation became involved.
After the incidents, a closer look was taken at the photographer's social media presence. Mr. Shaw had posted pictures of meals exclusively consisting of food thrown at a wall for a week and a half prior to the restaurant opening. Further inspection revealed that Mr. Shaw had advertised SCP-5268 as a paid promotion for its debut three and a half weeks prior.
Analysis of comments on later posts revealed SCP-5268 had garnered popularity among his followers. Many of the commenters on Mr. Shaw's social media accounts were seemingly unfazed by the changes in the contents of the images. Two other social media influencers were found to have participated in paid promotions for SCP-5268 and were subsequently administered amnestics. Followers found to be suffering from effects were tracked down and given appropriate treatment.
Addendum
Upon further review of Frederick Hoffman's career, it was discovered that tensions between Chef Hoffman and the rest of the culinary world have been rising for some time. His uncaring approach when plating dishes and chaotic ideals sparked his eventual exit from the world of fine cuisine.
The following is an excerpt of the "Richard and Kelly Daily Dose" morning talk show. After the broadcast, Chef Hoffman exhibited increasing amounts of hostility towards his critics and the world of fine cuisine.

Video Log

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VIDEO LOG

[BEGIN LOG]
Kelly: Now for our next guest, we have someone who's been making waves here in LA, which is really saying something! Please welcome Chef Frederick Hoffman everybody!
Chef Hoffman emerges from stage left and waves. Audience applauds. Chef Hoffman shakes both Kelly's and Richard's hands and sits in the guest chair adjacent to Richard's and Kelly's seats.
Richard: Now folks, Chef Hoffman has made quite the name for himself around town with his unique restaurant. Why don't you tell us a bit about it, Fred?
Chef H: I prefer Frederick actually, I think it suits me, haha. But, yes! My restaurant Pinch of Primal has had a very successful few years. We have a revolutionary dining environment and-
Kelly: OoooOOooo! Primal? Sounds exciting! Do you get to hunt your food down like a caveman?
Chef H: Oh haha no, but I'll consider adding it to the experience. We put more of a focus on the overall functionality and the feel of the eating experience. Our entrees are meant to be shared by multiple people, and we don't offer appetizers. In the case of our solid foods, we also don't offer the conventional silverware that you're probably used to.
Richard: You're kidding! So, shared plates and no silverware, sounds like every man for himself!
Kelly: Sounds messy's more like it! I'm guessing it's not a jacket required typa' place! I just know I'd break a nail eating like that!
Audience laughs
Richard: Better not wear anything you like either! I've seen you with a fork before, talk about messy. You wouldn't stand a chance!
Richard shakes his head sadly and the audience laughs. Kelly pushes his shoulder playfully.
Chef H: Well I'll admit it can get a little messy, but its mostly just the hands. The response from our guests has been good so far. Eating with your hands lets you get more into your food, literally. Let me give you an example, have you ever eaten popcorn while you're by yourself? You don't just eat one, do you? No! You grab a big handful and crunch it all down! It tastes better that way. The satisfa-
Kelly: Popcorn, oh no! All that butter goes straight to my hips.
Richard: Oh man, you don't wanna see me putting away the popcorn, trust me it's not pretty!
Richard rolls his eyes dramatically and mimes licking his fingers. Audience laughs.
Chef H: Well, haha, yes, I'm sure. Well, you see Richard, that's the point I was headed towards. Food doesn't need to be pretty and neither does eating it. Everyone tries so hard not to make a mess while eating, and the result is that you don't get to enjoy your food to the fullest extent. You're too conscious of everyone else. What if you get some on your face, or drop it off your plate, or take too big of a bite, or this, or that. I think it's all a lot of unnecessary nonsense. My philosophy is tha-
Richard: I think my wife might strangle me if I started talking like that! The kids would go nuts! I'd bet your ideas are pretty popular with younger crowd, 'ey Fred?
Kelly: I'm sure they are! My 3 year old would love this! She's been having a tough time with learning how to use a fork, haha!
Richard: Boy, I bet you keep the dry cleaners in business. You've got to spend a fortune on stain removal!
Kelly: You wouldn't happen to have your dry cleaner's number would you? They must be a magician!
Kelly, Richard, and the audience laugh.
Chef H: Haha, well, haha, no. It's ah, it's not really as hard as you might think to just eat with your hands. It's perfectly natural, of course. It's not until we're pressed on by societal standards that we stop using our hands to eat things that aren't considered "finger food." My aim is to break down those walls, and let people enjoy food without all the fluff.
Kelly: I have to say, this is the first time I've heard anyone call a fork fluff.
Chef H: Well, it's not just utensils I'm referring to. I think the emphasis most people put on food having to look pretty and orderly is unnecessary too. I'd even go so far as to say it harms the flavor of most dishes.
Richard: Ah, you lost me on that one, Fred. How does foo-
Chef H: Frederick.
Richard: OH, right, right, Frederick. How does food looking pretty make it taste worse? I mean, all those fancy restaurants have got to be doing something right, right?
Chef H: Well, have you ever eaten at one of those ridiculously fancy places? The portions are unsatisfying, and they put so much thought and energy into the colors, placement, and look of the dish that something is lost. They add things that people don't even want to eat.
Kelly: I wouldn't say that, I mean it's all food, just because it's pretty doesn't mean it tastes bad.
Chef H: Ok, how about fondant? Its widely used by bakeries for wedding cakes, birthday cakes, basically any kind of special occasion that you could get a cake for. If you've ever been to a party that has a cake like that, you'll notice that the fondant is left on the plate. No one actually eats the stuff. It's edible, but its got a terrible texture and its almost flavorless. It's become common practice to add ornamentation to these cakes that serves no purpose, besides to make it look a certain way. What's the point of having food that looks good but tastes bad?
Kelly: Well not everything is a piece of cake, Fred.
Richard: And speaking of good looking food, I know someone who makes food look and taste good. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a surprise guest today, please welcome Chef Eric McArthur!
Chef H: What?
Chef McArthur enters from stage left waving and strikes a pose at center stage, audience cheers and applauds. Chef Hoffman turns violently in his seat at his entrance. Kelly and Richard stand to shake hands and greet Chef McArthur. Chef Hoffman remains seated.
Chef H: What is he doing here? Nobody told me about this.
Chef M: Aw, come on Frederino, be a good sport! I'm-
Chef H: It's Frederick.
Chef M: -a surprise guest. Wouldn't be much of a surprise if you knew, now would it?
Chef H: This was your idea wasn't it? You got them to invite me so you could make a fool of me like you always do.
Chef M: Oh, I think you manage that just fine on your own.
Chef H: Listen here, you pompous-
Kelly: Aaaand big hand everybody for Chef Frederick!
Chef H: No, hey-
Richard: Thanks so much for coming on, Fred. Up next, Chef Eric has some great tips to share from his new book, right after these commercials!
The audience applauds as the program cuts to commercial. When it resumes, Chef Hoffman is no longer onstage.

[END LOG]

A line of previously overlooked importance has been identified from the "About the Author" section of SCP-5268.
Chef Hoffman is currently being held in Foundation custody. He has refused to answer questions regarding how he manufactured SCP-5268's memetic effect thus far. It is suspected that he enlisted the help of an outside entity or organization. An investigation is under way.

 Excerpt from Chef Hoffman's Author Bio

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"For those who continue to so fondly refer to me as a half-baked chef, you have forced my hand. I've said it before and I'll echo it ten thousand times more. Art belongs on the wall, not on a plate."

« SCP-5267 | SCP-5268 | SCP-5269 »


by J Dune

The Haworth crater

Item #: SCP-5269
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: Foundation assets within organizations that maintain lunar observational equipment are to suppress information regarding SCP-5269 through standard Immediate Celestial Anomaly protocol.
Description: SCP-5269 is a topographic anomaly located on the Haworth crater of the south pole of the Moon.
SCP-5269 is an unidentified humanoid figure of unknown age and origin embedded in the lunar surface. SCP-5269 remains in an immobile position with its arms outstretched. Rock and lunar soil have completely covered SCP-5269's lower limbs, securing SCP-5269's position in the Moon's regolith. The object has not been observed to decompose, age, or exhibit any other phenomena associated with life or death. Thus, the biological state of SCP-5269 is unknown.
SCP-5269 is capable of transmitting radio signals. The origin, purpose, and intended receiver of these signals is unknown. The contents of an SCP-5269 communication are presented in an anomalous, universally digestible system, capable of being comprehended and understood regardless of the listener's known language. SCP-5269 has been observed to transmit messages once every two years since the object's discovery in 2016.
All attempts to communicate with SCP-5269 have failed.
Addendum 5269.1: SCP-5269 Signal Transcripts

Date: 6/19/2018, 20:36:02

I don't miss it.
There are no crowds, no mirrors, no pressures or expectations.
Final escape. Final rest.
I don't have to think about her anymore.

Date: 6/19/2020, 12:47:31

Warmth.
I have everything I need.
See them run. Amusement delays death. Not me.
I am above all.
I don't have to think about her anymore.

Date: 6/19/2022, 04:10:02

Never going back.
My own world. No suffering.
I still hate myself.
I am always thinking about her.

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