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Special Thanks to: GlassAutomaton, Zoobeeny, Dr Blackbox, Dr Vikki Lost, Rigen, Tsercele and Glossy-lane542 for critting this article


JorgeMtzb

My first attempt at a GAW draft! Hope you enjoy.

Item#: 7424

Level1

Containment Class:
safe

Secondary Class:
none

Disruption Class:
dark

Risk Class:
warning

link to memo

and stay in drugs Don't do school kids

SCP-7424

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-7424 is to be stored in a standard containment locker at Site-18. Access to SCP-7424 is restricted to Level 2 personnel and above. Cannabis products are strictly prohibited on the containment floor.
Description: SCP-7424 is a blue gardening spade measuring 20 centimeters in length with a wooden handle and a metal blade. The words "WEED-B-GONE" are written with a black permanent marker on the left side of the handle.
SCP-7424's anomalous properties activate when brought within a 10-meter proximity to any tissue, materials, or combustion byproducts derived from plants of the genus Cannabis (commonly known as marijuana). These properties also encompass any items associated with the recreational use of marijuana as a psychoactive drug.
Upon activation, SCP-7424's blade exerts a gravitational force on these materials, attracting them and subsequently absorbing them into itself. No trace of the absorbed objects have ever been found. Afterwards, SCP-7424 proceeds to launch itself at a velocity of approximately 30 meters per second towards any individual(s) who last made use of the aforementioned items, often resulting in serious injury. In case no such individual is present within its 10-meter activation radius, the anomaly will target the next individual to enter its effective range.
Addendum:
SCP-7424 came to the Foundation's attention following a series of disruptive events at a marijuana dispensary in Denver, Colorado, USA. Local authorities reported that an individual identified as Reece Stoneman had entered the establishment wielding SCP-7424. Individuals involved in the incident were hospitalized and amnesticized. After further investigation, the following online chat logs have been recovered:

+See: SCP-7424 - Recovered Materials Log

Access Granted

EmptySausage
12:01

Guys. I brought an offering.

The Reezer
12:01

Hey there fellow gamers! I'm new here.

Mr. Found
12:02

Hey!

mrwhitesphere
12:02

heya how are you

N.Y. Booze
12:02

hi dipshit
hi dipshit
hi dipshit

DullSilver
12:03

how's it going newbie

BannedAlsoBTW
12:03

Wadaosjdoaijsdoiasjd

TheReezer
12:05

I'm good, thanks!

N.Y Booze
12:05

Hi dipshit
Hi dipshit

EmptySausage
12:06

Adopt the new guy yall treat him well

BannedAlsoBtw
12:07

@EmptySausage. Poor choice of words, I'll feed him cat food.

mrwhitesphere
12:07

Really? You kiddin me? Shame.
He's gotta get scraps, not cat food. Everyone knows that.

BannedAlsoBtw
12:08

true true
my bad

N.Y. Booze
12:09

You've been B O O Z E D

EmptySausage
12:07

Booze stop B O O Z I N G people.

N.Y. Booze
12:09

Booze is my name
B O O Z I N G is my game
if you can't handle the Booze
you get B O O Z E D.

TheReezer
12:09

Well, what's the first order of business?

N.Y Booze
12:09

Crime

TheReezer
12:10

hahah

DullSilver
12:12

You could tell us a bit about yourself and your interest in the cause

TheReezer
12:09

Well, Im an avid gamer and I despise weed. Seems pretty self-explanatory.

mrwhitesphere
12:14

YEAAAAHHH FUCK WEED

BannedAlsoBtw
12:14

I wouldn't do that, sounds painful.

mrwhitesphere
12:14

wut

BannedAlsoBtw
12:15

I said, I WOULDN'T DO THAT, IT SOUNDS PAINFUL

mrwhitesphere
12:16

Does your mom sound less painful?

BannedAlsoBtw
12:16

Less painful than looking at yours.

mrwhitesphere
12:16

Shut up nerd.

TheReezer
12:17

Hahah
But uhhh
Yeah
I've actually been developing a little thing. Well, it's actually kinda big if. If I do say so myself.

EmptySausage
12:17

@BannedAlsoBtw. Don't say it.

BannedAlsoBtw
12:17

That's what she said.

EmptySausage
12:18

I will smack you with the fridge again.

BannedAlsoBtw
12:19

EmptySausage
12:20

That's it! *kicks your balls*

BannedAlsoBtw
12:20

I've got more balls than you ever will.

EmptySausage
12:21

Sorry about that lol. please continue. What is this big thing you want to speak about?

TheReezer
12:21

Well it's something a lil… let's say supernatural.

BannedAlsoBtw
12:21

What is it?

N.Y Booze
12:21

GET B O O- I'm listening.

DullSilver
12:22

Starting strong are we?

TheReezer
12:22

Yeah! I'm actually pretty excited to show ya'll. Just fair warning it's my ever first ever uhhh.

mrwhitesphere
12:23

spooky thing

TheReezer
12:23

Yes. It's my first ever spooky thing so I'm not precisely… good at it. I have no idea what I'm doing to be frank.

EmptySausage
12:23

It's fine lol, we all started somewhere no?

mrwhitesphere
12:24

Not me, I've always been a god among men.

Mr. Found
12:24

Yeah, yeah, just show us the weird magic shit already.

TheReezer
12:26

Here's a pic

mrwhitesphere
12:26

a shovel

DullSilver
12:26

do you live in a white void??

Mr. Found
12:26

that looks more like a spade

mrwhitesphere
12:26

what's even the difference?

Mr. Found
12:27

"A shovel typically has a curved blade and is used for digging. On the other hand, a spade has a flat blade and is used for cutting and removing soil."

BannedAlsoBtw
12:27

EmptySausage
12:28

What about the shovel?

Mr. Found
12:28

Spade*

TheReezer
12:30

It's called the "Weed-B-Gone" cuz you know "weed" is like a double entendre. Cuz gardeening has weeds and cuz you know "Gamers Against Weeds"

Mr. Found
12:30

We get it, we get it.

TheReezer
12:30

I made it so that it absorbs all the weed around it. It'll siphon out smoke from the air and grab blunts and stuff like that.

DullSilver
12:30

Yoo that's awesome. I could use something like that. So how do you get it back?

TheReezer
12:30

What you mean?

DullSilver
12:30

How you get the weed, I don't see like a hole or nothin

TheReezer
12:31

What?

BannedAlsoBtw
12:31

They said: "HOW DO YOU GET THE WEED, I DON'T SEE LIKE A HOLE OR NOTHIN"

TheReezer
12:32

Well, you don't. It gets rid of the weed. After it detects who was responsible for it, It hits them in the head. Not too hard, just like a lil boop, I made sure of that.

DullSilver
12:32

In all seriousness like what does it actually do tho. Or is it literally just a normal shovel. I mean if you didn't actually make full-on spooky shit just for the bit that's fair, I don't think anyone can blame you.

Mr. Found
12:33

SPADE*

DullSilver
12:33

whatever

TheReezer
12:32

What bit?

DullSilver
12:33

this was funny at first but you dragged it out for wayyy too long

mrwhitesphere
12:33

Wait, yall don't think they're serious, do yall?

EmptySausage
12:34

What? Nahhh

mrwhitesphere
12:34

@EmptySausage. Did you remember to say the name was ironic when you invited them

EmptySausage
12:34

Of course I did, I always do

mrwhitesphere
12:35

Check

EmptySausage
12:37

Shit.

TheReezer
12:38

…Ironic?

mrwhitesphere
12:38

Yeah GAW is supposed to be ironic. We don't actually fight against weed.

Emptysausage
12:39

We're just making fun of overly self-righteous groups. The whole "Gamers Against Weed" thing is a parody.

TheReezer
12:38

You- you're kidding right?

BannedAlsoBtw
12:38

wait shit they were fr fr this whole time?

DullSilver
12:39

They appear to have been

TheReezer
12:39

I really thought we were against weed! How can this be a joke? Ya'll are just fucking with me right? Please tell me ya'll are.

N.Y. Booze
12:40

Yeah, but that's besides the point

TheReezer
12:40

Oh, you know what? FUCK. YALL.

DullSilver
12:45

ouch! harsh

EmptySausage
12:45

woahh

N.Y Booze
12:46

lol

TheReezer
12:44

Yeah, I said it, go fuck yourselves

EmptySausage
12:40

let's calm down for a second. It's all in good fun.

TheReezer
12:41

Good fun!? You have no idea how much time I've invested in this! The "Anti-Weedinator" is a marvel of weed eradication technology!

DullSilver
12:41

I thought it was called the Weed-B-Gone

TheReezer
12:42

I CHANGED MY MIND OKAY? Is that a fucking crime!?

N.Y Booze
12:42

DID SOMEBODY SAY CRIME?

EmptySausage
12:43

not now booze

N.Y Booze
12:44

awww 

TheReezer
12:47

Now if you excuse me, I'm outta here. Reece stoneman is leaving this hellhole with the rest of his dignitity.
And I'm taking my shovel with me.

BannedAlsoBtw
12:48

wait. your last name is fucking STONEMAN!!??

TheReezer
12:48

IT'S GERMAN

EmptySausage
12:50

aaand they're gone.

DullSilver
12:51

jeez

Mr. Found
12:51

OH GOD DAMN IT. IT'S A SPADE FFS

Matzah Balls
12:55

hey guys i'm back what'd i miss

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