Item#: 7761

Level3

Containment Class:
euclid

Secondary Class:
uncontained

Disruption Class:
keneq

Risk Class:
caution

link to memo

An outside view of SCP-7761 taken by an investigating Foundation agent.

Special Containment Procedures: The Westage Business Park in Fishkill, New York, has been quarantined under cover of a pesticide cleanup. MTF Lambda-15, "Officer Supplies," along with a contingent of D-class personnel, have been assigned to this duty.
In addition, all companies and accounts that Allman Financial Services, henceforth referred to as AFS, does business with are to be Foundation controlled and strictly monitored. AFS accounts are not to be interfered with by personnel without proper clearance. Foundation personnel of Clearance Level 4 or higher are allowed to use the funds generated by AFS, and only in amounts no more than $100,000 or the equivalent in local currency, pending proper approval.
Description: SCP-7761 is the designation for an office building wholly owned by Allman Financials Services, LLC, located within Westage Business Park in Fishkill, New York. There are currently 4 separately recognized sub-anomalies (hereafter designated SCP-7761-1 through -4).
SCP-7761-1 wishes to be known as "The Boss." He claims to be in "glorious managerial control" of all 7761-3 instances, despite them working on a continuous cycle. He only wears three-piece suits, ranging widely in color, and a pair of Oakley's sunglasses. All interactions have shown him behaving boisterously and confidently, and he speaks in a somewhat archaic speech pattern. A collection of memos and interoffice communique have been collected in Addendum 7761-b.

A publicity image of SCP-7761-1 included on his Linked-in. His profile has since been taken down by Foundation Webcrawlers.

SCP-7761-2 is the building itself, owned and operated by Allman Financial Services. History shows no clear anomalous activity, but the cycle of financial transactions goes back at least 5 years, so researchers suspect 7761-1 came to power around then. It seems 7761-2 plays host to 7761-3 instances, as when Foundation agents attempt armed intrusion they disappear within -2. Autonomous agents, such as drones, allow for the capture of footage. Penetrative sonar from the exterior of 7761-2 shows that, where normal buildings would have insulation, possess a constantly shifting mass of unknown material. Recordings of -2 at "quitting time" show that -3 instances form orderly lines, filing into various supply closets and disappearing. See Addendum 7761-C for incursions into -2.
SCP-7761-3 instances are the "employees" of AFS. Each resembles a normal human adult, ranging in age from late 20s to early 60s. They are not sentient humans, instead conducting business in a month-long cycle. They repeat the same actions every month, including small, and complete financial transactions and investment schemes on a proprietary system called "Allman Financial Final Solutions Network." These financial transactions include transferring their profits to outside accounts, all of which were once owned by prominent members of the United States upper class, including █████ ███████, █████████ ███, ██████ █████, and ██ ███. The Foundation now controls all of these accounts.
Finally, 7761-4 are origami paper cranes anomalously inserted into affected humans' pre-frontal cortex. The crane influences how the infected think by making them more likely to do risky financial actions and invest their money in almost any investment scheme proposed to them. They were discovered three years after the containment of 7761began.
Addendum 7761-A Establishment of Outpost 7761-Alpha
Copies of Internal Communications Related to the Creation of a Site at 7761

From: ten.noitadnuof|retsalpretsabala#ten.noitadnuof|retsalpretsabala
To: ten.noitadnuof|supytalpgnieesrevo#ten.noitadnuof|supytalpgnieesrevo
RE: Establishment of a Site to Surround 7761
Hello Alexa, it's me Bodrav again. Not asking you about that other thing, but something else. I was wondering if you could allocate some funds from the Dept. of Liquidations to set up a more permanent outpost to surround SCP-7761. I know you have access to its accounts, so you could at least slide some our way.
Bodrov

From: ten.noitadnuof|supytalpgnieesrevo#ten.noitadnuof|supytalpgnieesrevo
To: ten.noitadnuof|retsalpretsabala#ten.noitadnuof|retsalpretsabala
RE: RE: Establishment of a Site to Surround 7761
Bodrov, I've told you multiple times, you can't just beg for money. I will do you the favor of filling out the proper request forms, but at this point wouldn't a permanent 'dioxin clean-up site" look beyond suspicious?
Alexa

FROM: ten.noitadnuof|retsalpretsabala#ten.noitadnuof|retsalpretsabala
TO: ten.noitadnuof|supytalpgnieesrevo#ten.noitadnuof|supytalpgnieesrevo
RE: RE: RE: Establishment of a Site to Surround 7761

Look Alexa, I know you aren't that business-minded, but fuck me is this a good idea! All we have to do is get some D-class personnel, dress them out like eco-freaks, and get them to trigger a fake dirty bomb, then we have the entire surrounding mile of shitty Central New York all to ourselves! Then we can safely let 7761 expand, and let it get into more of the office buildings in the park and make more Foundation. You want that, don't you Alexa?
Bodrov

FROM: ten.noitadnuof|supytalpgniieesrevo#ten.noitadnuof|supytalpgniieesrevo
TO: ten.noitadnuof|retsalpretsabala#ten.noitadnuof|retsalpretsabala
RE: RE: RE: RE: Establishment of a Site to Surround 7761
Bodrov, you've never given me a financial solution, to ANYTHING, before. Now you want me to just give you a huge amount of money, out of the blue, because you think it's something I want? Are you daft? You know we have procedures to get shit done, and you need to go through them.
Alexa

FROM: ten.noitadnuof|retsalpretsabala#ten.noitadnuof|retsalpretsabala
TO: ten.noitadnuof|supytalpgnieesrevo#ten.noitadnuof|supytalpgnieesrevo
RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Establishment of a Site to Surround 7761
I always knew you were a fucking fool. Have fun not making any money in your life, loser!

FROM: ten.noitadnuof|supytalpgnieesrevo#ten.noitadnuof|supytalpgnieesrevo
TO: ten.noitadnuof|retsalpretsabala#ten.noitadnuof|retsalpretsabala
RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Establishment of a Site to Surround 7761
??? What is wrong with you? I'm reporting you, so someone else can deal with your shit. Consider the date off.

Foundation Agents then seized Agent Bodrov's computer and person. Putting him through memetic detection found that 7761 had somehow infected his mind with a parasite causing him to be aggressively obsessed with financial expansion. Biopsy revealed Agent Bodrov had a small origami crane, folded from a USA One Dollar bill, inside his pre-frontal cortex. It was removed by medical staff, and Bodrov has been under quarantine since then. Despite the anomalous means by which it came about, it was clear that SCP-7761 needed better quarantine systems. As such, Site Director Micheal Corbin from a neighboring site extracted funds from the anomalous AFS accounts to create Outpost 7761-Alpha, a lead containment shell around the entire business park under cover of a dirty bomb detonation from a terrorist sect against government interference.
Addendum 7761-B:: A Collection of Various Memos: From the Desk of The Boss

11/5/2009
Hello, glorious workers! I have come because there seems to be an issue with the third-floor toilets. I must repeat: they are for bodily waste disposal, not for the removal of organic waste! Please ensure when disposing of organic waste of any kind (food, paper shreds, and flesh) that you use the specialized incinerator-converters on Basement 2, Room B2. Remember, put your material to be disposed of in a burnable sack, put them into the incinerator, close the door, and then press the red button. I must repeat, close the door! Sadly, one of our accountants, Micheal, has gone on to the Big Wastebin in the Sky, because he didn't follow the instructions! Please, remember that safety is tantamount in business!

From the Desk of The Boss
5/13/2010
Today we welcome our newest employee, Randall ████! Another walk-in interview revealed a perfect candidate for employment in our glorious company! Remember to treat him with the respect awarded to all members of our collective.
A reminder, the janitors requested a week-long vacation, so in two weeks we'll need to do our own garbage! Remember, all employees are valued, so while our janitors go for a week-long inundation of the local bars, we should do our best to get by without them!

From the Desk of The Boss
6/3/2012
We all enjoy our free time, of course! But I will only ask this once. When you are on your break, please refrain from inflicting any bodily harm on our more fragile employees. This, unfortunately, includes the other people who pursue capitalist success within this very office park! While I understand the preclusion towards aggressive expansion and corporate takeover, we should take into consideration that our neighboring corporate foes aren't as enlightened to the true forms of capitalist competition, and thus will take issue with our actions. Going forward, please refrain from taking any aggressive actions toward our corporate foes within the borders of our park, please!

Addendum 7761-C:: Foundation Incursions into 7761-2

Initial Unmanned Insertion Into 7761-2

Begin Recording: 11/28/2016
Operator: Lambda-15 Squad Member Cindy "Coffee-Maker" Edison-Parker

Commander: Lambda-15 Squad Leader Marvin "Pencil" Jackson
Camera footage begins. The drone is facing squad members Coffee-Maker and Pencil, both dressed in Foundation HazMat Undersuits, with two pairs of Foundation HazMat Gear Model 34KL handing behind them. CM snaps her fingers in order to test the delay in broadcast, and finding it sufficient, places the drone outside of the tent.

CM: Base Leader, confirm no civilians in the surrounding area?
Base Leader: Can confirm see-mm, no civvies in the surrounding area.
CM: Thank you Base Leader. Beginning insertion now.
Recording of operators' voices is included while the drone is outside of their audio range. The drone turns on, small propellers spinning up, nearly silent. It lifts up, and footage follows. The drone approaches South facing wall of the fourth floor of the building, heading towards an open window.
CM: Approaching insertion point.
The window has more than enough open space for the drone to go in it. Busy employees can be seen, walking to and fro while engaging in conversation and completing financial investments.
Pencil: Okay, no initial spotting of the drone. Continue with insertion.
The drone leans forward and enters the building. CM takes several moments to hover above several desks, recording footage of the computer screens and paperwork, and after recording a group of cubicles it turns towards the elevator.
CM: Waiting for opportunity… NOW!
The elevator doors open, and the drone quickly swoops in before the door closes. It hovers above two employees, as one selects the third floor. CM expertly pilots the drone out of the sliding doors at the last possible moment and begins recording the third floor, almost identical in physical appearance to the floor above.
CM: Yeah, more of the same. Still can't confirm if the employees are human, but i- what is that?
Drone turns to the source of a man yelling. Footage shows The Boss, dressed in an outfit seemingly composed of plastic folders and legal pads to imitate samurai armor from the early Edo period. He holds in one hand several Expo markers, plugged together. He wields the markers like a sword and lunges toward the drone in an apparent attempt to knock it out of the sky.
Pencil: Avoid, avoid!!
CM: No shit!
CM maneuvers the drone, avoiding several of The Boss's strikes, until it feints an attack then slashes, apparently cutting the drone and ending the footage.
CM and Pencil: Fuck.
Recording End.

Footage of Attempted Undercover Employee Insertion into 7761

Begin Recording: 12-10-2016
Short burst of static as recording begins. The button camera on the shirt of D-7867, a former financial advisor, begins to record. The entryway of 7761 is in view, and the sun reflects on the glass. As D-7867 enters, the footage shows a secretary almost exactly the same as the secretary shown in incident 7761-I-A, this time wearing a salmon-colored pantsuit and blue glasses.
D-7867: What should I do?
Admin Actual: Please proceed forward and begin to converse with the secretary.
D-7867: Thought I'd be applying to a less ritzy place my next time. Guess not.
D-7867 walks to the desk, eliciting the same wide smile from the secretary.
Secretary: Well, how can I help you today? Are you looking to apply to Allman Financial?
Admin Actual: Answer yes, please.
D-7867: Yes, I am.
Secretary: Excellent! What qualifications do you have that would make us willing to hire you onto our staff?
D-7867: I worked with Goldman Sachs as an investment advisor for five years, working as an independent in the industry for another six.
The secretary taps at her keyboard for 17 seconds.
Secretary: Wow, you're a perfect fit! If you just go through those doors back there, we'll put you through another interview! Just to make sure you're put into the best place possible.
D-7867 hesitates.
Admin Actual: Please enter the elevator, D-7867.
D-7867 grumbles but enters the elevator. The doors close, the elevator begins moving upwards, and the lights flicker. Using video analysis, the outline of what looks like a tentacle made of paper can be seen in the reflection of the glass curling behind D-7867, which seems to disappear when the lights come back. The elevator dings and the doors slide open.
D-7867: What the-
The floor is filled with people. Employees of AFS are buzzing around the office, and a hundred different conversations about financial transactions can be heard. A man walks forward, dressed in a tan three-piece suit and Oakley sunglasses, and puts out his hand to shake D-7867s.
???: Hello, Gary! I heard you came down to apply, so I came down to give you my interview myself. You can call me TB, I run stuff around here.
Admin Actual: Wait, did the D give his name? Fuck.
D-7867: Yes, sir, I'm very interested in applying for a position at AFS.
TB: Well, in that case, follow me!
TB leads D-7867 through the offices, passing some employees. Some wave and others greet D-7867 warmly. All of them are smiling or are obliquely positive in some way. After about a minute, TB leads the D-class into their office, a spacious corner unit with a mahogany desk and ergonomic chairs. The desk is covered in paper, but the quality of the footage is too low to discern anything. TB sits down, tapping a spot near a clear spot on the desk, which causes a laptop screen to float up, and he starts typing.
TB: Please sit down, Mr. Dentino.
D-7867 sits down.
Admin Actual: D78, be careful.
D-7867: Wow, I have to say your office shows some excellent taste.
Camera views turn to show the series of paintings on the wall. Examination of these paintings is still underway.
TB: Well, thank you! I pride myself on knowing something good when I see it. Now, what made you want to work at AFS?
D-7867: Well, I always wanted to be more on the cutting-edge side, so I did some research, and you seem to be on the revolutionary side.
Admin Actual: How did he know the D's name?
TB: Of course, of course. It wouldn't have anything to do with your financial debts, would it?
D-7867: What?
TB: Don't play dumb with me, Gary. You owe… typing on a keyboard approximately $46,643 to the Escavaro cartel in Northern New York, correct?
D-7867 stands up, his concern evident in his voice.

D-7867: Hey, what the fuck are you playing at?

TB: Sit down, Mr. Dentino.

Admin Actual: Please attempt to exit, D-78.

D-7867 tries to leave, but an unknown force pulls him back into the chair, which spins to face TB.
TB: Mr. Dentino, we don't take kindly to attempted corporate espionage or our potential employees not being upfront and honest with their financial history. It seems to be you have had some terrible history in your past, and if what I'm looking at is correct, you didn't actually do anything at Goldman Sachs! Not a single financial transaction has your order or sign-off on it.
Admin Actual: D-7867, leave now!
D-7867 begins whimpering. TB stands up and picks up the camera from the shirt. He looks into it.
TB: I'll show you what happens when someone tries to steal my godamn sources and leads! I'll show you how The Boss does business!
The camera is placed on the desk with D-7867 in full view. Several pieces of duct tape have restricted the D-classes movement, and a piece is covering his mouth. TB walks behind him to a desk in the back of the room, opens a top drawer, and extracts what looks like a hole punch. He turns around, slowly walking towards the restrained D-class.
TB: I'll show you what real espionage is, you… you ignoramuses!
Footage shows TB putting the hole puncher to D-7867's skin and clicking it together, causing pain to D-7867. The hole puncher is pulled back with an inch-long flesh, muscle, fat, and bone segment. TB dangles it in front of D-7867 and the camera, laughing maniacally.
Camera footage stops recording, but audio of D-7867 screaming can be heard.
Footage Ends.

The Body of D-7867 was later found splayed out in the middle of the business park, several still bleeding holes present all over his body. Medical examination showed that all injuries occurred when D-7867 was alive. Complete evacuation of the park is underway at the time, along with the establishment of Outpost 85-A as a chemical clean-up effort to remove dioxin in the area. Despite this, there are still large numbers of employees spotted inside the walls of 7761-2.

Begin Recording, 12-26-2016
The disguised panel van is filled with six armored squad members of MTF Lambda-15, "Officer Supplies," equipped with Foundation weaponry and armor. Four men and one woman, with the women being the technical support of the group.

The van is silent for the next three minutes, besides the sound of equipment being prepared and guns being racked.
The van stops, and Lambda-15 members immediately exit the vehicle. The camera on squad leader BinderClip captures 7761-2, a large office building in the Westage Business Park in Fishkill, New York. It's 5 stories tall, with darkened windows surrounding the entire outer surface. Vague shapes of office supplies can be seen on the 2nd floor.
Pencil: Finally, my home.
Binder Clip: Shut the fuck up. Admin Actual, we have arrived at the grounds, how should we proceed?
Admin Actual: Message Received, Binder Clip. Please enter the grounds of the building in front of you, Allman Financial Services, and attempt to find any anomalous activity within. We have little intel, so stay sharp.
Binder Clip: Memo received, Admin Actual.
The camera shifts, with Binder Clip turning to the squad. In profile, the camera picks up the squad members, Pencil, Stapler, Mug, Sticky Note, and Keyboard. Keyboard is the only member with technical equipment, held in a sizable backpack.
Binder Clip: It's a standard grab bag, boys and girls. We go in, see if any X-Files bullshit is around, and take out any hostiles. Rack it up, forward!
Binder Clip turns around, his rifle showing on the very edge of the video. Affirmatory yells come from behind, and Binder Clip tests the entryway doors, finding them open. He opens the glass door, motioning for his squad to enter. They do, rifle barrels first. The squad enters a V formation, scanning the room. When Binder Clip enters, the door closes behind the camera, and fluorescent lights turn on with a click and a buzz. At the front desk, a woman smiles at the squad. Her name card identifies her as "Secretary."
Secretary: Why, hello and welcome to Allman Financial Services! What can I do for you today?
Stapler relaxes his stance slightly.
Stapler: What the fuck?
Secretary: Hey, this is a place of business! We can do without the swear words, sailor.
Mug: BC [referring to Binder Clip], how should we proceed?
Binder Clip: Uh, check-in, I guess.
He walks towards the front desk, shouldering his rifle and flipping up his ballistic visor.
Binder Clip: Hello, ma'am. We're looking for your boss. Can you set up a meeting with him?
The Secretary taps on her keyboard for almost thirty seconds.
Secretary: Well, looks like a meeting with six contractors for potential employment… Well, do any of you have any special skills that would make you a good fit for an up-and-coming, revolutionary financial services business?
Squad members are heard moving.
Sticky Note: I have a minor in Business.
Secratary: That's great! What was your major?
Sticky Note: Abnormal Sociology.
Secretary: Well, I guess that means you'll be getting into our enemy's heads! You can step into the elevator behind the desk.
A small ding, and in the wall just beyond the desk 2 segments of the wall move backward slightly, moving to the side and revealing a brightly lit elevator with red carpeting and all-glass walls.
Sticky Note:: Uh, BC, how should I proceed?
BC: You wait for us all to enter, or get permission from the lovely lady. Now, I don't have a degree, but I did work for my dad's hardware store for seven years.
The secretary clicks on her keyboard for 67 seconds, then looks at BC smiling.
Secretary: That works just fine! You can follow your friend right on in.
Camera turns to face the squad.
BC: Mug, Pencil, Stapler, Keyboard, pony up your experience.
Stapler: BC, are you sure we should be going along with whatever this chick wants?
BC turns to the Secretary again.
BC: Ma'am, can you promise that none of my squad will be harmed if we enter the building?
Secretary: Well, you're all already inside, sweetie! If we had wanted you fired, you'd be gone from here already.
BC: See, all good. Pony up your resumes, folks.
A beat of silence.
Mug: I took a 2-month seminar on Personal Finance after high school.
Secretary types on the keyboard for 34 seconds.
Secretary: That's great, you can go right on in-
She is cut short by the report of Stapler's rifle, and a 5.56 hollow point slams into her face, and she collapses into a pile of paper, staples, pen ink, and pipe cleaners.
BC: STAPLER, WHAT THE FUCK!
Stapler: Her eyes didn't work right, BC!

Camera turns, looking over the desk at the pile of stuff. As it does a loud Klaxon alarm can be heard, causing every member of Lambda-15 to point their rifles in different directions. Audio cleaning reveals four small dings, identical to the sound the first elevator made, but the camera doesn't turn quick enough to capture the contents. The sound of staplers can be heard, and BC falls to the ground. The view of the camera is obscured, but the sounds of a struggle along with rifles firing can be heard. The body of BC is moved, and the squad retreats out of the building. BC is turned on their back, and Keyboard begins emergency first aid. Mug begins to physically assault Stapler, hitting him with the butt of her rifle. Pencil steps in and restrains her, while Stapler appears to have a nervous breakdown.

Report on Incident 7761-I-A

Written by Marvin "Pencil" Jackson, Junior Squad Leader of Lambda-15, "Officer Supplies."
Initial insertion into 7761 was a failure. Action taken by squad member "Stapler" resulted in an aggressive response by the entity or entities. Defensive measures were taken, and I ordered a retreat. Former Squad Leader Brian "Binder Clips" Clement was DOA of medical services, with his visor penetrated by a series of staples. The analysis found them to have no anomalous properties, but the staples managed to penetrate the visor and eye of BC, leaving them deep in his brain, and causing near-instant brain death. Other members of Lambda-15 escaped with minor injuries, mainly with their body armor pierced in multiple places by staples. Suggestion of plainclothes insertion during daytime or open hours.
Ethics Board Request: Immediate firing and reassigning of Stapler. Shows little to no aptitude for fieldwork, and actions are directly responsible for the death of a squad leader.

Addendum-D:: All Recorded Instances of 7761-4
List of Recorded Instances of 7761-4

A stapler instantaneously grew a pair of origami paper wings composed of standard A4 printer paper, which began hovering in place and shooting staplers at approximately 300 feet per second at invaders.
Paperclips will fold their ends together creating an electrical plug on one end, plugging themselves into the nearest wall outlet, and shooting electricity at invaders.
Coffee cups and faucets work together, with any water pipe expelling boiling hot water that is collected by the mugs and dumped on invaders. The water temperature is approx. 110 degrees Celsius.
Mechanical pencils point themselves towards invaders and shoot pieces of lead towards invaders at approx. 350 feet per second.
The Boss will be encased in plastic folders and legal pads to create a set of armor imitating samurai armor from the early Edo period with a sword composed of Expo Dry-Erase markers connected end-to-end. The "sword" has been recorded as effective.