Item#: 6205

Level3

Containment Class:
esoteric

Secondary Class:
archon

Disruption Class:
vlam

Risk Class:
warning

link to memo

O5-Command discussing various tax shelter advice with SCP-6205.

SPECIAL CONTAINMENT PROCEDURES:

SCP-6205 is adequately contained by the use of generally accepted accounting practices within Foundation financial interests. A set of standard operating procedures can be found under Article III, Section 6, Paragraphs 4 through 22, in the Foundation Employee Handbook. A waiver confirming familiarity with these procedures is required for all Foundation employees who are issued a business credit card, have access to a line of credit, or who receive per-diem allowances.
Per 'Foundation Business Directive 2019-6205-1', any documents produced by SCP-6205 are to be reported to management and then scheduled for implemented as directed by the object. Late fees assessed by the object for a failure to comply can be deducted from the responsible employee's compensation. If financial penalties become unduly burdensome, please schedule a meeting with the 'Accounts Receivable - Internal' team.

At no time should any Foundation employee knowingly engage in a financial crime of any magnitude while in the course of their duties. Actions taken while outside of staff duties are considered unregulated, however employees are required to make the proper financial disclosures for matters such as gambling.

OBJECT DESCRIPTION:

SCP-6205 refers to a pataphysical regulatory entity which has attached itself to the Foundation's financial practices and those associated with said practices. While SCP-6205 demonstrates a level of awareness typically associated with pataphysical entities, this awareness appears to be limited to the domain of finances and accounting, and direct inferences based on this awareness. SCP-6205 is capable of utilizing additional knowledge as granted by access to Foundation internal systems such as employee records, vendor records, and internal and external financial connections.
Typical manifestations of SCP-6205 include the issuance of internal directives guiding accounting practices, and are predominantly produced via physical document or delivered via phone call. The letterhead on these memos names one of several fictitious departments, such as "Department of Financial Curiosity", "Office of the Benevolent Comptroller", and many more. For a full list of known aliases, see additional file supplements. These memos are signed inconsistently with generic nomenclature and have, to date, made no attempt to impersonate any current or former members of Foundation leadership either in name or authority.
Note: As of 2017-01-28, the date of SCP-6205's complete integration into Foundation accounting systems, the object has begun signing its communications as "SCP-6205". This is regarded as an affirmation of containment and any deviations from this signatory should be immediately reported as Priority-1.
Behaviors exhibited by SCP-6205 are indistinguishable from non-anomalous accounting except in instances of financial crime, whether those crimes are perpetrated either on behalf of or against the Foundation and its interests.

ADDENDUM 01: ALLOWANCES

In the morning hours of 2015-08-20, a Level-2 data analyst was fatally wounded in the parking structure of Site-19. The analyst was shot in the torso three times with 9mm ammunition, consistent with that issued by the Foundation. A ballistic match as well as various forensic evidence collected at the scene was able to connect the homicide with Foundation intelligence analyst Andre Teska, who was arrested by Site-19 security and questioned.
Agent Teska was able to produce a series of recorded phone-calls which elaborated on their justification for the homicide. The matter was forwarded to Internal Affairs for consideration, and relevant records have been appended to this document as a reflection of the object's history.

[INCOMING CALL 2015-08-08 19:13:17]
Audio recording begins with significant static and the sounds of jostling. The origin point of the call is unknown; phone records were unrecoverable and the audio was captured by an external recording device.
Teska: Okay, yeah, thanks for waiting. This call is being recorded now.Teska: Can you go ahead and repeat that please? The thing you said before.Teska: …Well?Teska: So your call here is to tell me that you do not think a handgun is an ordinary or necessary expense in this line of work?Teska: I told you, I'm training for the field exam.Teska: So what do you want from me?Teska: And those are?Teska: …Okay, I'll bite. What is the 'Or'?Teska: I don't follow.Teska: I'll think about it. Give me your supervisors name. I am going to follow up on this.Teska: That's not how this—
Call terminates.

[INCOMING CALL 2015-08-15 21:43:50]
Teska: Hello?Teska: Shit, I recognize your voice. You actually called back?Teska: (Laughter repeated in mocking tone) Yeah sure enough, here we are. What did you want me to do again? Promote myself?Teska: My field exam is in something like 57 days. That will be my opportunity to 'justify' this expense.Teska: …Reporting it? Are you fucking threatening me?Teska: Yeah wouldn't want to inconvenience you good folks up there.Teska: It was.Teska: How do you mean?Teska: Really weird to not lead with that when you called me before.Teska: I'm hanging up now.Call terminates.

[INCOMING CALL 2015-08-19 18:45:07]Teska: Why the fuck is someone bound and gagged in my trunk?Teska: And how can he do that?Teska: …What?Teska: I-…h-how could—…Teska: You can't-…I…You want me to fucking kill this guy in cold blood?Teska: H-How? What did he do?Teska: How much?Teska: How much?Teska: You want me to take a human life over 13 grand? And then kill the dog too by denying it surgery?Teska: And that deserves murder?Teska: Apples to fucking oranges, cunt.Call terminates.

ADDENDUM 02: REPORTS OF FRAUD

The following call record began on 2016-05-11. As the first event was regarded as non-anomalous and the record was discarded before the investigation was opened, it has been reconstructed per the testimony of Containment Specialist Dr. Eates. Any persons with additional details or records pertaining to these events are encouraged to contact their section leadership as soon as they may safely so do.

The following record is from an inter-site phone call. The destination number is the desk of Containment Specialist Dr. Eates; the originating number is assigned to a phone in the human resources office of Site-17.
Eates: This is Doctor Eates, go ahead.Eates: …Yes, hi there. What is this call about?Eates: How did you get this number? I didn't even know we had a—Eates: N-no. What? That's ridiculous. That was definitely not me. I'm nowhere near Tallahassee. I haven't even been to Florida in like…at least four years.Eates: You too…Say, what was your name again?Phone call terminates.

The following phone record was initiated by Dr. Eates from his desk at Site-19, using the 'call back' feature. The destination address routed to the Site-11 Director's Office.Eates: W-…hello. Um, I received a call from you guys a few days ago about my card being used to buy some bikes.Eates: No, nothing like that. I'm just wondering what a high-performance racing bike is doing in my office? I said I didn't buy this and I wasn't kidding.Eates: Okay but that doesn't explain why I have a bike in my office…Eates: So are you going to tell me why or…?Eates: What kind of damage?Eates: W-what?Call terminates.

The following recorded phone call takes place approximately four weeks after the previous. The destination number is the desk of Containment Specialist Dr. Eates, the originating number is assigned to a phone in the Overwatch Command Control Room at Site-01.
Eates: H-hello? This is Doctor Eates.Eates: Do you mind explaining how you got an Overwatch number?Eates: Uh, I'm not sure what to say to that. What do you want?Eates: What? I haven't been out of the country in like two years.Eates: I can tell, I can basically hear your smile on the other end.Eates: I don't suppose lunch is going to show up in a couple day or something, huh?Eates: Why is that?
Call terminates.

The following recorded phone call takes place approximately two weeks after the previous. The destination number is the desk of Containment Specialist Dr. Eates, the originating number is assigned to an unlisted phone at Site-5.
Eates: How the fuck are you getting these numbers?Eates: What do you want?Eates: …What did you just say?Eates: How does this keep happening?Eates: Why do you know about my family?Eates: …Y-yeah. I'd say you have. It's just. This is weird, you know that right? That this keeps happening to me? I'm not that cavalier with this card but it seems to keep getting stolen.Eates: Why? What are you going to do?Eates: N-no. I-it was me. I ordered the sweaters.Eates: Y-yeah. We're having a 'Christmas in July' party. Oversized and ugly, you know how it is. (Nervous laughter.)Eates: N-..No. I can't imagine any reason I'd have to gain from lying to you.Eates: (Sighs) I just…I don't want anything bad to happen to anyone. So if you could just cancel the purchase, reverse the charges or whatever, and reissue me a new card that would be great. Nothing weird, I don't want any new sweaters or anything, I just want my card canceled, then reissued, and then for this to go away. Clear?Eates: No, I did not order the sweaters.(Three distinct gunshots briefly deafen the line)
Eates: What the fuck was that?Call terminates.

ADDENDUM 03: BUDGETARY CONSTRAINTS

The following O5 Council meeting segment was approved for declassification and appended to this document. It was taken from a joint session with numerous department heads invited to offer evidence concerning the interference of SCP-6205 in daily operations. Review of collected evidence, recommendation for containment, and other exploitative risks were discussed in other redacted portions of the meeting. The full minutes are available to personnel with Level-4 clearance or greater.

Payroll Dir.: Alright, so turning to page 14 you can see that there are a number of red-line items. Page 15 contains a significant number more. And page 16, 17, and so on. All the way to page 28 where we run out of departments on this report.
O5-4: Okay I'll ask the obvious question, what are these red-line items?
Payroll Dir.: Those are clear misappropriations which were both incorrectly entered and not caught by human review. Mistakes. Mistakes which SCP-6205 caught and reported in a timely manner. And did so without any HR issues like throwing colleagues under the bus in a meeting. Frankly it's been really helpful in justifying additional training as well as requests for additional positions for a number of departments.
O5-7: How are they coming into this knowledge? At no part of this presentation has that actually been made clear to me.
Accounts Payable: If I may, ma'am? We simply don't know, but their work is easily validated. The things they are red-lining all get checked by multiple people and they are right.
O5-11: Is everything they do reactive like this? As in, just error checking?
Payroll Dir.: No, sir. A few months ago they began issuing memorandum every month or so reminding staff of various SOP's. Some of which are GAAP1 and some of which are Foundation internal procedures. If they actually worked for me, I'd be making them a section head this next promotion cycle.
O5-1: Well why don't we have them do that? Can we extend a job offer?
HR Dir.: I don't know that we're going to be able to assemble a benefits package they will find…attractive.
O5-1: Something in particular make you say that?
Head of HR responds with an extended shrug.
O5-10: I guess we're done here then. Should we order some lunch?
Payroll Dir.: A-actually, ma'am. I would recommend against that.
O5-1: Why is that?
Payroll Dir.: Well in light of who we were just talking about…if you were going to expense that lunch, we really should have ordered it during the meeting.
O5-1: …Fair enough.
Meeting concludes.

Footnotes
1. Generally Accepting Accounting Principles

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