Item #: SCP-5320
Object Class: Keter
Special Containment Procedures: Underwater drones 5320-A-D are to monitor their respective locations along SCP-5320's body. Video feeds are to be checked once every 24 hours for any change in SCP-5320's shape or location. SCP-5320's current locations are mapped and may be accessed with permission from Dr. Keul.
SCP-5320 can be formally referred to as The Fish That Just Goes On Forever, Our Merciful and Long Lord, or Its Glorious Infinitude, Hail Its Everlasting Fish Body. Chances of locating the head or tail of SCP-5320 may be increased by offering sacrifices in the form of vending machine snacks placed on top of the break room microwave. Removal of present offerings is strictly forbidden.1
Description: SCP-5320 most closely resembles a Liparidae2, but without a visible head or tail. Although width and height measure in normal ranges for its species, SCP-5320's body extends as long as Foundation underwater drones have been able to follow it, concluding that the creature is either extremely long or limitless entirely. Efforts to locate the head or tail of SCP-5320 are ongoing. The creature was discovered during a routine bi-yearly sweep of the ocean floor. The drone responsible for the discovery examined the creature for approximately 50 hours and 38 kilometers before steps to anomalous classification proceeded. Underwater drones have been following the length of SCP-5320's continuously for three years since, making the estimate for SCP-5320's length between 37,000 and 39,000 kilometers long and perpetually increasing.
Additional side effects of viewing SCP-5320 include a heightened awareness of the passage of time, increased interest in ceiling tile number, and increased use of the phrase “long boy” in casual conversation, even when referring to things that are neither long nor a boy. Personnel monitoring SCP-5320 have reported feeling an unusual amount of excitement upon seeing one of SCP-5320's occassionally-visible fins, as well as a compulsion to loudly cheer.
Addendum 5320-1: The People's Church Of The Fish That Just Goes On Forever has received a new addition to the Shrine in the form of two (2) fish-shaped novelty erasers, gifted to the Church by one Kenny Rosenfield, age 8, progeny of Researcher Margaret Rosenfield.

Log taken from security recordings within primary surveillance office
<Begin Log>
Barlow: Hey.
Avery: Hey. Praise the Fish.
[Dr. Barlow laughs]
Barlow: May we locate the Head.
Avery: Or the Tail.
Barlow: Right, or the tail.
Avery: Did Ratcliffe tell you that it passed over a vent?
Barlow: No, is it okay?
Avery: Yeah, totally fine. Thank god.
Barlow: Thank the Fish.
Avery: Thank our merciful lord, the Fish.
Barlow: May its body be never-ending and impervious to anything we poke it with.
Avery: May it bring us a bountiful harvest.
Barlow: Yeah, may it bring us the good snacks, for once.
Avery: Gonna sacrifice my firstborn child to the Fish so we can get RC Cola again.
[Dr. Barlow laughs]
<End Log>

Log taken from bi-weekly research staff meeting
<Begin Log>
Keul: What are our updates looking like for the week?
Barlow: We have not been cleared for physically invasive testing. I've been advised that we keep watching it until we have more reliable means of tracking.
Keul: I was afraid of that. Alright, I want status reports. New activity, new developments. What have we seen?
[Several seconds of silence]
Avery: A few days ago drone 5320-C logged another dorsal fin.
[brief applause, subdued laughter]
Keul: Congrats on seeing a fin, Researcher Avery. Anybody else?
[Several seconds of silence]
Keul: Okay. Then we can get right down to business. Hail the Fish.
Research Personnel: Hail the Fish.
Keul: Now. The question whose answer we have all been seeking, for research purposes…
[Paper rustles]
Keul: Could the Fish use its glorious and infinite body to tie up the legs of the Christian God like an AT-AT? “The Christian God is not real” is not an acceptable answer at this time, Dr. Maxwell.
<End Log>

Log taken from annual staff holiday party
<Begin Log>
[Researcher Avery yells over noise of the party]
Avery: Shut up- If I could call this meeting to- RATCLIFFE SHUT UP-
[She continues as the noise dies down]
Avery: On behalf of all staff on Assignment 5320, I thank you all for being here and welcome you to the Marine Research Installation 14 First Annual Fishmas Party-
[moderate cheering from other staff members]
Avery: Where we gather to express our gratitude and service to our Perpetually Prolonged Providence, The Fish That Just Goes On Forever.
[more enthusiastic cheering from staff members]
Avery: All staff are advised to partake in alcoholic beverages and leave nonperishable snacks on top of the microwave to contribute to our research efforts in finding the end of SCP-5320, for the good of the Foundation and humanity itself.
[some laughter from staff]
Avery: In the temporary absence of Dr. Keul, I declare the next person to see a fin Blessed Of The Fish. May their harvest be bountiful and their anomalies never breach.
Barlow: May we locate the Head!
Other Staff: Or the Tail!
Avery: Amen! Let's get drunk at work!
<End Log>

Unread Messages (1)

CLOSE

From:
ten.pcs|anim.e#ten.pcs|anim.e

To:
ten.pcs|luek.l#ten.pcs|luek.l

Subject:
Onsite Behavior

Dr. Keul,
I've noticed some strange occurrences happening among your staff recently. I'd like to check in with you this week to review the situation. If you can pull your staff's psychological records I would be appreciative. Please let me know your availability when you can.
Dr. Emily Mina

From:
ten.pcs|luek.l#ten.pcs|luek.l

To:
ten.pcs|anim.e#ten.pcs|anim.e

Subject:
RE: Onsite Behavior

Things are a little slow on our end but everything is going smoothly, from my understanding. I have a meeting with Dr. Stephens on Wednesday at noon but I am otherwise free. Thank you for your concern, I hope to have your worries cleared up as soon as possible.
Dr. Lupe Keul
High Priestess of The People's Church Of The Fish That Just Goes On Forever

Addendum 5320-2: Investigatory Interview of Dr. Lupe Keul

CLOSE

Interviewer: Agent Rachel Summers
Interviewee: Dr. Lupe Keul, Head of Research on SCP-5320
Background: Increasing amounts of unexplained behavior surrounding SCP-5320
Keul: Good morning, Agent Summers, it's my understanding that you have some questions for me?
Summers: Yes, we've received some evidence pertaining to SCP-5320 that we think may constitute an infohazardous effect, we're hoping you can shed some light on the situation.
Keul: Infohazardous? That comes as a surprise to me, I haven't heard anything about that kind of excitement happening in our neck of the… sea.
Summers: Our hope is that we won't find any excitement at all. "Excitement" usually translates to "more work for everybody."
Keul: You'd be surprised how willing I would be to take a little more work sometimes.
Summers: Wouldn't we all… shall we?
Keul: Absolutely.
Summers: Dr. Keul, how long have you been working on this assignment?
Keul: Two, three years?
Summers: Have you noticed any considerable behavioral changes since you began here?
Keul: Had a brief stint with depression last year, but our Psych staff has done good work helping all of us work through our issues.
Summers: So nothing that you have observed in yourself?
Keul: Nothing beyond the expected, no.
Summers: And your staff?
Keul: Nothing out of the ordinary. But… you know. "Idle hands" and all that.
Summers: Uh huh. And how long have you been a part of the- the "People's Church Of The Fish That Just Goes On Forever?"
Keul: How long have we-
[Dr. Keul pauses for several seconds]
Keul: …are you talking about my email signature?

Unofficial Closing Statement of Investigation SCP-5320 3/16/2018, Agent Rachel Summers

Close

After following up with Dr. Keul and the rest of the staff assigned to SCP-5320, I have come to the conclusion that the tip concerning SCP-5320 having infohazardous abilities was a false alarm. I will finish due diligence to officially close this investigation upon arrival back at Site-211. The "effects" of SCP-5320's suspected additional ability turned out to be nothing more than a very elaborate running joke among the staff. Dr. Keul has promised to tone it down and keep any further tomfoolery out of the Foundation database.
Today marks the fourth consecutive false alarm I have had in the past several months. There was a part of me hoping this one would turn out to be real. But alas, I return to my desk. It appears not even Foundation staff are immune to the human drive to make up dumb superstitions when they're bored.
On a semi-related note, Peters better not have moved my wizard figure off his spot again. God knows I don't need 69 MORE years of bad luck.
- R. Summers

Footnotes
1. Offerings must be left on the microwave in order to preserve the site's current internet speed. Internet may slow if offerings are removed, as proved by one test conducted by Researcher Avery.
2. Snailfish

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