Item#: SCP-5188
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: Foundation agents in all major television networks are to monitor for SCP-5188 and prevent any broadcasts before they reach civilian audiences. While the danger to civilians presented by SCP-5188 is negligible, public acknowledgement of its anomalous qualities would lead to a potential Lifted Veil scenario.
For research purposes, one television at Site-59 is to receive and record uninhibited broadcasts of SCP-5188. Transcription efforts by research staff are ongoing.
SCP-2803-A is not to be made aware of Foundation suppression efforts for SCP-5188 under any circumstances. In addition, SCP-2803-A is to receive a monthly supply of forged fan mail for SCP-5188 and a "royalty payment" consisting two kilograms of a 50/50 blend of sand and pink glitter.1
Description: SCP-5188 is "Fronglyfoot Street", an animated2 situation comedy produced by TotleighSoft corporation. Episodes are 22 minutes long; at time of writing, 108 episodes and nine seasons have been recorded at Site-59.
SCP-5188 makes use of TotleighSoft's signature "Snoflak-o-Vizhon", a perception-altering technique that tailors the show's content to match each viewer's personal preferences for entertainment. Despite the claim that "no two [people] will see the [same show]",3 identical transcriptions of SCP-5188 between similarly-minded researchers have been noted. Currently, the highest number of recorded variants to an individual episode (including SCP-5188-Gamma) is 57.
The show centers around the Fronglyfoots, a family consisting of the male protagonist, his wife, their precocious two-year-old daughter, and a dog. All other factors (such as the characters' names, occupations, location, financial class, supporting characters, and whether or not the dog is capable of speech) depend on the individual iteration.
In addition, viewers who possess a nerve bundle previously identified as a "Rosetta cluster" will be immune to the perception-altering effects; the resulting show will be SCP-5188-Gamma.
Addendum: Transcription Excerpt from Season 4, Episode 11, Scene 1

SCP-5188-12
SCP-5188-23
SCP-5188-Gamma

Transcriber: Junior Researcher N. Tamino
Main Character Ethnicities: African-American
Setting: Eugene, Oregon
Episode Title: Micro Brewing for Dummies
<Begin Log>

INT. FRONGLYFOOT RESIDENCE, LIVING ROOM - DAY
Nina[Wife] is vacuuming. Auggie[Daughter] is playing chess with Pascal[Dog, St. Bernard]. Auggie moves a piece.

AUGGIE
Check. HA! What say you to such
strategic brilliance, Phillistine?!

Pascal yawns and falls asleep on the board.

AUGGIE
Fool! You're no Alexander, and this is
no Gordian Knot. Up with you, beast!

Auggie attempts to pry Pascal from the board. He sleepily places a paw on top of Auggie's head.

AUGGIE
(Sarcastic) Ye gods, such brilliance.

Bob[Husband] enters the front door, sweating and flustered.

NINA
Bob!
BOB
Oh, hey Nina. Wanna hear a joke?
NINA
How about first you tell me where you've been.
BOB
It's related. What's vinyl-sided, rectangular,
and filled with 50 cases of concord grapes for
no reason?
NINA
What?
BOB
(Smiling nervously) …NOT our garage.

Nina crosses her arms and glares. Awkward silence.

BOB
…anyway, do you know a place where I can
get some brewer's yeast in bulk?
NINA
You're grounded.
BOB
Hey, now. I'm thirty-five, you can't ground me!
I drive a Mercedes!
NINA
Where's the Mercedes?
BOB
…under the grapes. I'll be in my room.

Bob goes up the stairs.

AUGGIE
Guess I'd better not tell her about my
lemon stash!

<End Log>

Transcriber: Junior Researcher L. Matapang
Main Character Ethnicities: Anthropomorphic lizards
Setting: Unnamed Trailer Park, Louisiana
Episode Title: Nice Melons
<Begin Log>

INT. FRONGLYFOOT TRAILER, CENTRAL AREA - NIGHT
Lucinda[Wife] is playing Russian roulette while sobbing. Meat[Daughter] lays out a chess board before Wristopher Calken,[Dog, Borzoi] who is convulsing and foaming at the mouth.

MEAT
Awright, we doin' this? We doin' this.
WRISTOPHER
Meat, I need you to call 911.
MEAT
That's not how ya play. Ya gotta move the
pieces around 'n' say "king me" 'n' shit.
WRISTOPHER
No, seriously I just dropped a gallon of
Forty Sauce and I'm dying. Call an
ambulance. Now.
MEAT
The fuck's Forty Sauce?
WRISTOPHER
Olde English and WD.

Meat picks up the chessboard and leaves.

MEAT
…yeah, you too dumb for this game.
I'mma go get Mousetrap or summat.

Scott[Husband] enters the front door, whistling the Soviet national anthem.

SCOTT
Okay, y'all know that gun ain't loaded, right?
LUCINDA
Just let me have this.
SCOTT
'kay, cool. So, like, guess who just bought
5,000 watermelons?
LUCINDA
(sarcastic)
Wow. I don't know. Who.
SCOTT
(pointing to self) THIS GUY!
LUCINDA
Oh my god. I'm shocked. Why would you
buy 5,000 watermelons.
SCOTT
Your dad's inheritance had to go somewhere.
I'mma go throw 'em at God now for cursing
me with existence.
LUCINDA
Aim for the giant eyeball on his crotch.
SCOTT
Oh, is that his weak point? Thanks, wifey!

Scott leaves.

WRISTOPHER
Tera Patrick, into your arms, I
commence my soul…

<End log>

Transcriber: Junior Researcher E. Gualtieri (Note: has a Rosetta cluster)
Main Character Ethnicities: Ambiguous from decomposition
Setting: A derelict conference room of the SCP-2803 compound.
Episode Title: "Friut"[sp]
<Begin Log>

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY
The room is covered in a yellow gelatinous substance that has crystallized. "Concubine"[Wife], a deceased office worker, dangles limply from the ceiling, attached by the top of her head to a tendril belonging to SCP-2803-A. She bounces up and down, speaking through unknown means.

CONCUBINE
I am doing a thing. I am doing a thing.
Witness me doing this thing.

"Offspring"[Daughter], a small humanoid effigy made out of staplers, a disembodied cardiovascular system, and crystallized biofilm, dangles from a similar tendril toward "Vassal"[Dog, (n/a)]. Vassal is another dangling effigy - quadrupedal, and made from bones and computer keyboards.
(note: all characters speak in the same voice. The currently speaking character is indicated by shaking and flailing.)

OFFSPRING
We will partake in brief enjoyment.
VASSAL
My refusal extrudes from my mouth and
slathers negation upon your ears.
OFFSPRING
You are without permission!

Vassal is dragged back and forth throughout the room, screeching.

OFFSPRING
I hope you did not enjoy your petulance.

LORD[Husband] enters the room. He is the former executive of the SCP-2803 compound, impaled on one of SCP-2803-A's tendrils like a finger puppet.

CONCUBINE
Lord! We welcome you ambiguously.
LORD
Be silent!
CONCUBINE
I am disobedient.
LORD
Indeed. I have acquired the fruiting bodies.
CONCUBINE
For what purpose? You are well aware that
fruiting bodies do not belong in the implied
counting-house.
LORD
My ignorance is a shining, bulbous gonad. It must
be rubbed with folly over and over until
the climaxing waves of character development
wash over the area, sink, and disappear as if
they never existed. For this is what reaps
the royal sturple from the consumer and thus
unto our God.
CONCUBINE
I tremble from how correct you are. May
your ignorance vibrate for eternity, and may
my indignace undulate in kind!
LORD
I must go, for my lucrative stupidity cannot
reach its peak among this scenery in particular.

Lord leaves.

Offspring and Vassal loudly vomit a thick black organic syrup onto the floor.
<End log>

Footnotes
1. Due to misinformation protocols, SCP-2803-A is under the belief that this substance is called "royal sturple" and is the most precious form of human currency, reserved only for a handful of social elites.
2. It should be noted that the "true" iteration, SCP-5188-Gamma, is live-action.
3. Approximation from a TV Guide advertisement; original text was spelled too poorly to be precisely identified.

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