a hopeful romantic

That's Sonderance, for the record. See more of his stuff here.

1/5625 LEVEL 1/5625
CLASSIFIED

Item #: SCP-5625

keter

Special Containment Procedures: All contained samples of SCP-5625 are currently stored at Site-66. Contact tracing is in progress to recognize and address civilian contraction of SCP-5625. In the event of an outbreak, Curable Anomalous Disease Protocol 3 should be implemented.

TEM micrograph of SCP-5625

Description: SCP-5625 is a human-contractable negative-strand RNA virus that attacks the central nervous system of its host. Individuals infected with SCP-5625 typically display unfamiliarity with basic concepts, as well as a slight cough. An antiviral regimen has been proven to halt the progression of SCP-5625 infection and is currently in the final phase of testing.
SCP-5625 infection was initially diagnosed in Jason Nemo, an Anomaly Registration Agent assigned to Processing Facility 6. Agent Nemo was apprehended while attempting to register his own nose as an anomalous growth. After confirming that his lack of recognition was genuine, Agent Nemo's cough led site management to preemptively institute a quarantine for fear of a contagious anomalous phenomenon. To date, 187 Anomaly Registration Agents based in Processing Facility 6 have been diagnosed with SCP-5625 infection.
Addendum: The following operational announcement has been logged due to its relevant content as required by RAISA Statute ID9807-E.

OPERATION NACIREMA
The average Anomaly Registration Agent identifies and registers about one anomaly every two weeks, on average. Considering that there is no known origin or initial date of infection for SCP-5625, there could be years' worth of non-anomalous materials and organisms in our system. An overhaul is imperative. An ad-hoc Task Force has been formed for this purpose:
Assistant Researcher Alma Cortez – Quality Assurance Agent
Assistant Researcher Satomi Yamamoto – Quality Assurance Agent
Dr. Sullivan Boru, DDS – Remote Administrative Liaison
The core action item for this Task Force is to reconsider all objects and entities registered by agents with known cases of SCP-5625 infection. Erroneously registered entries will be processed at the discretion of Dr. Boru, with all relevant documentation automatically uploaded to SCP-5625's file.

Addendum 5625-1: The following reports have been logged by Operation Nacirema's Quality Assurance Agents as instances of erroneous registration as anomalous living entities.

RegID: ENT006-539424
Agent ID: ANREG86134072

Registration Description: Rat with overly hairy tail. Capable of coercing the elderly to feed it.

Ay, first non-anom spotted! Dr. Boru, here's a squirrel for you. Am I doing this right? ~ Satomi

Yes, this format works. As long as you explain what it is, I can get it out of our system and into the proper channels. I think this little guy's going to end up in the park. [Sully]

RegID: ENT006-443808
Agent ID: ANREG94063745

Registration Description: A fragile, patterned rock. When left alone, the limbs and head of a small creature emerge from it. The creature proceeds to drag the rock around.

Hermit crab. - Assistant Researcher Alma Cortez

RegID: ENT006-740678
Agent ID: ANREG83521120

Registration Description: Tall, spotted creature with horns and hooves. Primarily eats leaves.

Giraffe! Not gonna lie, finding these can be a little bit of a rush. ~ Satomi

RegID: ENT006-571350
Agent ID: ANREG21201978

Registration Description: Powerful sociomancer. Capable of dissolving any romantic union.

Divorce lawyer. They really couldn't do this with an AI or automated code? - Assistant Researcher Alma Cortez

Turns out Foundation AICs don't have the knowledge base required for this level of analysis. Sorry, Cortez. We're all in this for the long run. [Sully]

Addendum: The following email was sent to an account currently assigned to this document.

To: Operation Nacirema Documentation (bin.operation-nacirema@proc-fac-6.scpfoundation.int)
From: Mailer Daemon (mailerdaemon@it.scpfoundation.int)
Subject: Email Delivery Error

The recipient of the following email could not be found. It has been forwarded to this account by default. For more details, please contact sysop@it.scpfoundation.int.

To: Sullivan Boru (sullivan.boru@site-56.scpfoundatiob.int)
From: Ostra-Nenny! (ostranenny@donotreply.scpfoundation.int)
Subject: Welcome!

Hello, Dr. Boru! I'm Ostra-Nenny, your personal productivity maestro! I know it can be difficult managing a group of strangers, and I'm here to make sure that everything runs smoothly!
Why not start by getting to know your new team? Based on their web activity, you could talk to Satomi Yamamoto about vine compilation videos or why do horses look like that! You could also get to know Alma Cortez by discussing their interest in how to cope with a frustrating job assignment or classical music 10 hours!
That's all I have for now, but I'll be checking in every once in a while with updates and tips on how to take your team's performance to the next level! Talk to you later!
Ostra-Nenny, Productivity Support

Addendum 5625-2: The following reports have been logged by Operation Nacirema's Quality Assurance Agents as instances of erroneous registration as anomalous locations or geographical phenomena.

RegID: GEO006-318676
Agent ID: ANREG99126962

Registration Description: A park in New Jersey where entities dressed as soldiers in the Civil War often reappear. Passers-by tend to act interested but not concerned.

War re-enactment. Is there any chance I can work remotely on this Task Force? - Assistant Researcher Alma Cortez

Sorry, InfoSec wouldn't allow the remote access you'd need. They're barely okay with me having it. [Sully]

RegID: GEO006-696716
Agent ID: ANREG16773901

Registration Description: Building that seemingly never ends. Considerably larger than any other I've ever seen.

Tricky one, but this is the Boeing factory in Washington! As a warning, Dr. Boru, I'm officially competing with Cortez to see who can find the most non-anoms. Mind keeping score for us? ~ Satomi

Already got the scoreboard set up. I respect your attempts to make “non-anoms” a real term. [Sully]

RegID: GEO006-578076
Agent ID: ANREG01698479

Registration Description: Undulating colorful spirit in the sky.

Aurora borealis. Please ignore anything that Yamamoto has said about me. Spending more than a week checking data will drive anybody insane. - Assistant Researcher Alma Cortez

Noted. [Sully]

RegID: GEO006-802777
Agent ID: ANREG16773901

Registration Description: URGENT – The edge of earth, only water and void, the end!

The ocean! Weird one. Oh, and ignore anything Cortez's been saying! She's just sick of hanging out with me all day. :) ~ Satomi

Noted. [Sully]

Addendum: The following email was sent to an account currently assigned to this document.

To: Operation Nacirema Documentation (bin.operation-nacirema@proc-fac-6.scpfoundation.int)
From: Mailer Daemon (mailerdaemon@it.scpfoundation.int)
Subject: Email Delivery Error

The recipient of the following email could not be found. It has been forwarded to this account by default. For more details, please contact sysop@it.scpfoundation.int.

To: Sullivan Boru (sullivan.boru@site-56.scpfoundatiob.int)
From: Ostra-Nenny! (ostranenny@donotreply.scpfoundation.int)
Subject: Update!

Hello, Dr. Boru! It's Ostra-Nenny, your personal productivity gourmand! Just popping in to let you know how things are going!
Looks like Alma Cortez has been a real rock star! They spend 92% of their time on officially sanctioned Foundation sites! They do occasionally spend their time looking up things like how to tell if a coworker is into you and best organizational software for mac, but it's okay to take a break every once in a while!
Looks like Satomi Yamamoto hasn't been working as hard as they should! They spend 64% of their time on officially sanctioned Foundation sites! I'd recommend talking to them and seeing why they keep getting distracted by things like girl in red tour dates and bad jokes that make people laugh!
That's all for now! Talk to you later!
Ostra-Nenny, Productivity Support

Addendum 5625-3: The following reports have been logged by Operation Nacirema's Quality Assurance Agents as instances of erroneous registration as anomalous media.

RegID: MED006-339545
Agent ID: ANREG21201978

Registration Description: Book that causes a sense of unease, as if something is missing.

A translation of Georges Perec's novel La Disparition. Notably, the entire book is written without once using the letter 'e'. - Alma Cortez

Nice catch! [Sully]

RegID: MED006-139962
Agent ID: ANREG65137046

Registration Description: A movie that is somewhere between animation and live-action. No idea how they made this one.

Perfectly normal copy of A Scanner Darkly. Based on the novel by the same name by Philip K. Dick, an author I could never really get into. Admittedly, the rotoscoping does make me a bit queasy. But I don't think that's anomalous. - Alma Cortez

RegID: MED006-053329
Agent ID: ANREG21201978

Registration Description: A popular television series that depicts several entities contained by the Foundation with alarming accuracy.

This appeared to be a deluxe box-set of The X-Files. But just to be super sure that it isn't anomalous, Cortez and I are planning to watch it all together. Including, in the name of thoroughness, all 20 hours of bonus material. I know it sounds like a headache, but it's worth it to make sure this isn't going to cause an information leak. ~ Tomi

I certainly appreciate you two going above and beyond. In the future, though, feel free to not go so far, alright? I'd like to get through these records in my lifetime. [Sully]

Addendum: The following email was sent to an account currently assigned to this document.

To: Operation Nacirema Documentation (bin.operation-nacirema@proc-fac-6.scpfoundation.int)
From: Mailer Daemon (mailerdaemon@it.scpfoundation.int)
Subject: Email Delivery Error

The recipient of the following email could not be found. It has been forwarded to this account by default. For more details, please contact sysop@it.scpfoundation.int.

To: Sullivan Boru (sullivan.boru@site-56.scpfoundatiob.int)
From: Ostra-Nenny! (ostranenny@donotreply.scpfoundation.int)
Subject: Update!

Hello, Dr. Boru! It's Ostra-Nenny, your personal productivity oracle! Just popping in to let you know how things are going!
Uh-oh! Looks like Alma Cortez could use a boost! Their productivity has fallen to 83%! Maybe you should talk to them about their recent searches for good shows to watch with friends and how to ask out a coworker!
Uh-oh! Looks like Satomi Yamamoto could use a boost! Their productivity has fallen to 48%! Maybe you should talk to them about their recent searches for x files true story and is dating a coworker a bad idea even if i want to!
That's all for now! Talk to you later!
Ostra-Nenny, Productivity Support

Addendum 5625-4: The following reports have been logged by Operation Nacirema's Quality Assurance Agents as instances of erroneous registration as anomalous abstract concepts.

RegID: ABS006-555347
Agent ID: ANREG05685253

Registration Description: An unnerving sense that I've been here before. Note: I had not been there before.

Deja vu. This group of records is going to be insufferable, isn't it? - Alma

Yep. Enjoy! [Sully]

RegID: ABS006-171928
Agent ID: ANREG86134072

Registration Description: The tendency of some individuals to act with no conceivable material gain.

This is literally just the concept of altruism. Should we be worried about the guy who registered this one? ~ Tomi

I'll handle it. Good catch. [Sully]

RegID: ABS006-256177
Agent ID: ANREG83521120

Registration Description: I have several bland memories from childhood that I've found to be false.

Sounds similar to Freud's concept of screen memory.
On another note, I just sent over a quick notification that Tomi and I have begun seeing each other. I apologize in advance if that makes anything weird. - Alma

Yeah, I saw that. I wish you two the best of luck, if only so I don't have to deal with the fallout. [Sully]

RegID: ABS006-810631
Agent ID: ANREG83521120

Registration Description: A warm feeling felt while looking at close family members.

Is this the concept of love? That's a bit sad. - Alma

RegID: ABS006-430260
Agent ID: ANREG65137046

Registration Description: I have found that I get inexplicably sad while watching videos from my childhood.

Is it meta to say that forgetting about nostalgia is sad? Layers of sadness. Oof. ~ Tomi

RegID: ABS006-061613
Agent ID: ANREG01698479

Registration Description: Previously-unknown color created by mixing red, green, and blue paint. Very plain.

Looks like brown! Also, Alma and I are dating. She definitely already emailed you about it, but I'm taking the opportunity to brag. ~ Tomi

Duly noted. [Sully]

Addendum: The following email was sent to an account currently assigned to this document.

To: Operation Nacirema Documentation (bin.operation-nacirema@proc-fac-6.scpfoundation.int)
From: Mailer Daemon (mailerdaemon@it.scpfoundation.int)
Subject: Email Delivery Error

The recipient of the following email could not be found. It has been forwarded to this account by default. For more details, please contact sysop@it.scpfoundation.int.

To: Sullivan Boru (sullivan.boru@site-56.scpfoundatiob.int)
From: Ostra-Nenny! (ostranenny@donotreply.scpfoundation.int)
Subject: Update!

Hello, Dr. Boru! I'm Ostra-Nenny, your personal productivity ninja! Just popping in to let you know how things are going!
As of today, you are exactly halfway to your projected project completion date! Give you and your team some pats on the back! You've earned it! It's been a productive two years for all of you!
But, uh-oh! It looks like your initial action items are only 37% complete! I'd recommend getting together with your team and seeing what you can do to help them maximize their productivity!
That's all for now! Talk to you later!
Ostra-Nenny, Productivity Support

Addendum 5625-5: The following reports have been logged by Operation Nacirema's Quality Assurance Agents as instances of erroneous registration as anomalous objects.

RegID: OBJ006-153303
Agent ID: ANREG99126962

Registration Description: The remains of a bridge that tore itself to pieces.

Tacoma Narrows Bridge, specifically. I've attached a quick explainer on the topic of harmonic oscillation and its effects on suspension bridges. - Alma

Googled it. Looks good. Nice catch. [Sully]

RegID: OBJ006-114451
Agent ID: ANREG05685253

Registration Description: The crown throne of Denmark. Material is said to be unicorn horn.

Close! It's narwhal horn. Should I be concerned that we've had the throne of Denmark in containment for at least two and a half years? ~ Tomi

You shouldn't. I probably should. Nice catch. [Sully]

RegID: OBJ006-880975
Agent ID: ANREG16773901

Registration Description: A heavy metal object. Capable of manifesting small holes in anything it's pointed at.

An agent registered his own gun. We have reached a new low. - Alma

RegID: OBJ006-339127
Agent ID: ANREG94063745

Registration Description: Twenty cases of anomalously carbonated French wine. Tastes divine.

Like tasting the stars, huh? That's champagne, obviously. Save us a bottle, Sull. ~ Tomi

Are you kidding? There's twenty cases. You can each have two bottles. [Sully]

RegID: OBJ006-793144
Agent ID: ANREG65648404

Registration Description: A small silver ring. The stone set into it is anomalously hard and reflects light oddly.

I sent you an email about this one. I know it's a rather big request and it might seem like I'm planning too far ahead, but it's best to be prepared. - Alma

Very cogently put. It'd get trashed anyway, so it's all yours. From all I've seen of the two of you so far, it's an honor to be a small part of what comes next. [Sully]

Addendum: The following email was sent to an account currently assigned to this document.

To: Operation Nacirema Documentation (bin.operation-nacirema@proc-fac-6.scpfoundation.int)
From: Mailer Daemon (mailerdaemon@it.scpfoundation.int)
Subject: Email Delivery Error

The recipient of the following email could not be found. It has been forwarded to this account by default. For more details, please contact sysop@it.scpfoundation.int.

To: Satomi Yamamoto (PLACEHOLDER@replacewithyouractualemailsatomi.biz)
From: Document Recovery (docrec@donotreply.scpfoundation.int)
Subject: 'For Vows.doc'

The following unsaved document was recovered from your system following an automated restart. In the future, please make sure you back up your data regularly.

IF YOU ARE READING THIS AND YOU ARE NOT ME: Ignore the name of the file, okay? I'm not writing wedding vows. That's an insane thing to do. This isn't for Alma, anyway, this is for me. I figure, Future Me, you've been with Alma for so long that maybe she's become something different to you than what she first was to me. Not because she's going to change, but like how sometimes you look at an optical illusion and it's a bunch of blobs and colors and then it comes together, and it's beautiful, but it was another kind of beautiful before in a way that you can't see anymore because your eyes have adjusted. You can't forget something like that, right?
Stream of consciousness. Rambling. Sorry, Future Me. Let's focus on the goal here: give you nice little memory tidbits that you can whip out at the altar to one-up Cortez. Since you and I both know that she's going to fucking kill it on the vows. She's disgustingly articulate.
Okay, first slideshow image: first day on Team Non-Anom. Past Me was wearing heels, because that was the vibe I got from the briefing. Alma was at her desk, already checking emails. Her hair was still long then, and she had it up, and she was wearing one of her trademark blue buttondowns. And she looked up, and she made eye contact with Past Me, and Past Me said hi and then we both went to work. And Past Me thought she was cute but with kinda scary vibes, like the goth kid with the septum piercing in high school. Got it? Good. Moving on.
Next up, first time she smiled at Past Me. We were grabbing a working lunch in-office because we were waiting on a phone call with the references for some dude in containment. I had PBJ, she had a whole set-up because she's Alma and she lives to be extra. I think there was salmon in some kind of sauce? Anyway. I told that one joke about the blonde putting up her car for collateral that Dad really likes, since it was the one joke I could remember that wasn't super NSFW. And I hit the punchline, and there was the patented heart-stopping Alma smile. You know the one. There was a little bit of sauce on her lips. And that's when Past Me knew.
Moving on.
I'm not going to describe the first kiss, obviously. It's burned in my mind's eye, except I don't just see her but feel her and smell her and yeah. You can't paint over a wall on fire. If you can't remember that moment, Future Me, you shouldn't be writing vows in the first place.
It's getting close to the end of the day now. We're planning to grab food on the way back. There's a new food truck near our apartment (OUR apartment! I fucking love it! OUR, OUR apartment!!!). So just to cap this off, let me tell you what she's doing right now. Alma's bent over the keyboard, eyes way too close to the screen. You know, the Working Position. She's wearing her bootleg X-Files t-shirt and jeans, and her hair's in that little ponytail to keep it out of her eyes, and she is a fucking goddess. I look at her and it's like seeing through time, seeing every smile and touch and person she's ever been, like layers on layers of the same beautiful person. And I can't fucking wait, Future Me, to know how I see her in the future.

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