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Article: SCP-4914 (Gamer Against Weeds)
Thanks to:
kinchtheknifeblade for making sure this was GAW-y
Uncle Nicolini for being awesome and giving crit
Doctor Cimmerian for helping with sentence flow and wording
Wacky GAW memeber gets down in the chat with DOOM. Prepare for shenanigans.
More from this author


Item #: SCP-4914
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: Foundation webcrawlers have confirmed that the only copy of SCP-4914 is in Foundation custody and the hard drive containing it is to be stored in a standard anomalous items locker. Testing of SCP-4914 is permitted by researchers level 1 or higher. These tests are only to be done on remote systems lacking internet access.
The internet activity of SCP-4914's creator1 is to be monitored for further anomalous incidents.
Description: SCP-4914 is a modified digital copy of the video game Doom, originally released in 1993 by id Software. Unlike standard versions of Doom, SCP-4914 is 468 megabytes in size and functions from a single executable file. Upon running SCP-4914, it functions as a standard copy of Doom.
SCP-4914-1 are anomalous growths of Digitaria sanguinalis, a species of grass commonly referred to as crabgrass. SCP-4914-1 grows directly on the motherboard of the computer SCP-4914 is run on. This growth occurs 16 hours after SCP-4914 is executed. During its growth cycle, SCP-4914-1 uses high amounts of computer processing power from any available components.2 SCP-4914-1 is capable of regrowing to full maturity within 5 minutes if it is removed by any means other than the use of vinegar.
To date, no other alternately modified copies have been recovered.
Addendum 4914/1: SCP-4914 was originally discovered after its online posting by known members of GoI 'Gamers Against Weed.' The following are chat logs documenting SCP-4914's creation and initial distribution.

▼ Access Chat Logs / Excerpt 1 ▼

▲ Hide Logs ▲

Bingledorf: but yeah, my cat is awesome
Takeovermetal has joined.
liquid_water: @Takeovermetal who the hell are you?
lucy: @Bingledorf send more pics when u can
Takeovermetal: Just another fuckin loser like you @liquid_water
rocknrow: lmao
rocknrow: so what brings you here, guy
liquid_water: lol thats fair
Takeovermetal: @rocknrow Heard about you all, and thought I'd stop by to see what kinda crazy shenanigans occur here
Takeovermetal: So do you guys like doom?
rocknrow: like the game?
Takeovermetal: Yeah
rocknrow: i fuckin love it, why?
Takeovermetal: I like to mod doom from time to time
rocknrow: oh shit can i see some of your stuff?
Takeovermetal: Yeah, hold on
Takeovermetal uploaded file doom2irl.exe 48mb ⬇
rocknrow: exe and not a wad?
liquid_water: 48 megabytes wtf
Takeovermetal: Exes are easier to uh
Takeovermetal: You know, magically fuck with
rocknrow: are they? huh
Takeovermetal: Yeah, everything's packed into it
rocknrow: this is built on gzdoom right (edited)
Takeovermetal: Yeah. @liquid_water It's that big for a reason
lucy: lol isnt doom that game about killing demons and shit
Takeovermetal: It's a really good game
Takeovermetal: Pretty much kickstarted the FPS genre
lucy: owo
rocknrow: checking this out right now
liquid_water: @Takeovermtal wtf this is so good
liquid_water: @Takeovermetal
liquid_water: you said you make these for fun?
Takeovermetal: In my free time, yeah
Takeovermetal: I've got other non-anomalous ones too
liquid_water: sick shit takeoutmeal
liquid_water: someone get this man a gamer role

▼ Access Chat Logs / Excerpt 2 ▼

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Takeovermetal: What the fuck is up
Takeovermetal: New mod if you guys wanna play
rocknrow: @Takeovermetal lets see it
Takeovermetal uploaded file doomIN4D.exe 104mb ⬇
liquid_water: >104
liquid_water: this better be good
Bingledorf: @lucy aaaaaaaa
Bingledorf: @Takeovermetal also I looked at your first mod and its pretty good
Takeovermetal: Thanks
Takeovermetal: Also I'm gonna need you guys to give me ideas
Takeovermetal: Because they don't just appear
liquid_water: doom but you shit yourself when you die
Takeovermetal: I'll have to playtest it on the shitter (edited)
rocknrow: aw damn, new mod
Takeovermetal: Spent a bit longer on this one
rocknrow: what does '4D' imply?
Takeovermetal: You can smell the game
Takeovermetal: And like, other senses
lucy: that sounds weird and awesome
lucy: also @Bingledorf a
bones: @Takeovermetal If you're going to do that one, please give a warning when posting it.
Takeovermetal: Of course, I'm not that much of a dick
bones: Thank you.
lucy: rate my dinner
lucy: avn.uploads.sh/IMG_20181107_221412.jpg
liquid_water: what the hell is that
Takeovermetal: Anyway, I'll be gone a day for a special project I'm doing
lucy: im hungry and thats all we had
rocknrow: 👀
Takeovermetal: Soon…
coffee_hawks: @Bingledorf have you finished that thing?
Bingledorf: give me uhhhhhhhhhhh
Bingledorf: another couple days
Bingledorf: im still trying to figure this out
coffee_hawks: no worries
rocknrow: @Takeovermetal playing that 4d thing
rocknrow: pretty wild my dude
rocknrow: ping me when you finish your next mod
Takeovermetal: Sure thing
coffee_hawks: also, good work on the doom mods
Takeovermetal: Thanks

▼ Access Chat Logs / Excerpt 3 ▼

▲ Hide Logs ▲

Takeovermetal: @rocknrow It's done
Takeovermetal: Sorry, it took 2 days not 1
rocknrow: so whats this one
Takeovermetal: I'll post it but I want more people to see it
rocknrow: hold on
rocknrow: @Bingledorf @lucy @liquid_water @coffee_hawks @AnnoyingDog @Fishtruck
rocknrow: get the hell in here and play this guys mod
lucy: owo
Bingledorf: lets go
AnnoyingDog: I like doom
coffee_hawks: me too
coffee_hawks: now post it
Takeovermetal: Give it a minute
Takeovermetal uploaded file doomdigitaria.exe 486mb ⬇
Fishtruck: That's a bit big for a Doom mod don't you think?
rocknrow: >implying he didnt magic the hell out of it
Fishtruck: Oh.
Takeovermetal: Play it and tell me what you guys think (edited)

NEW MESSAGES

rocknrow: @Takeovermetal uhhhhh
Takeovermetal: What?
Bingledorf: this is just regular doom
Takeovermetal: Are you serious
Takeovermetal: Wtf
Fishtruck: Yeah, it's regular for me too.
rocknrow: is this part of it?
rocknrow: or did you actually fuck up
Takeovermetal: Give me another day
coffee_hawks: well at least its doom
coffee_hawks: something to kill time with

▼ Access PM Logs / Excerpt 1 ▼

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rocknrow: am i missing something, or did you really just mess it up
Takeovermetal: No, I fucked it up
Takeovermetal: I'll fix it, just give me another day
rocknrow: alright, sounds good

▼ Access Chat Logs / Excerpt 4 ▼

▲ Hide Logs ▲

lucy: hey uh
lucy: idk how to say this but
lucy: theres a fucking weed growing in my pc
rocknrow: duuude weed bro??
lucy: no im actually fuckign serious
lucy: like the uh
lucy: garden weeds
rocknrow: wait what the fuck
lucy: yeah its really weird
lucy: like, my pc started to run really slow
lucy: andso i opened it up because i thought it was dusty
Fishtruck: Is it just a weed in your PC?
Fishtruck: That seems like a lame prank.
Bingledorf: Does that even count as a prank
rocknrow: @lucy thanks for reminding me about dirty pcs
rocknrow: i havent cleaned mine in a while
lucy: wtf its not even just placed inside the case
lucy: its ATTATCHED to my pc bits
AnnoyingDog: Do you guys know of any good antivirus programs?
AnnoyingDog: My PC has been acting up
Bingledorf: How so?
rocknrow: you guys wont believe this
AnnoyingDog: Its been really slow
AnnoyingDog: My fans have been on like all day
Bingledorf: @rocknrow ?
rocknrow: god dammit the image wont upload
rocknrow: but uh theres weeds inside my pc
rocknrow: connected to the motherboard
lucy: dude wtf
AnnoyingDog: Now you guys have me all paranoid
rocknrow: if it happened to us, it wouldnt hurt to check
coffee_hawks: hey guys
rocknrow: hawks open your pc case for me
coffee_hawks: why?
AnnoyingDog: Noooo
rocknrow: just do it i need to make sure
coffee_hawks: is this a prank?
rocknrow: not from me, but apparently yes
AnnoyingDog: I just took a big risk and pulled the weeds
rocknrow: yeah thats how you get rid of weeds
lucy: i yanked the weeds a bit ago
rocknrow: okay good, im doing the same
lucy: no like
lucy: it didnt work
rocknrow: you couldnt pull them out?
lucy: theyre regrowing right now
lucy: hholy shi
lucy: my pc is runnning like as
rocknrow: what the hell
lucy: i think its fine now
lucy: i think its fine now
lucy: nvm it doubleposted
rocknrow: wait so if we all have this what do we have in common that caused it
lucy: uhhhhhhhh
Bingledorf: on my pc now
lucy: ur on a laptop right
Bingledorf: yes
Bingledorf: there are weeds sticking out of the vent
lucy: maybe it was a file we downloaded
liquid_water: yeah because a virus can make plants grow in your pc
lucy: do u even know where the fuck u are rn
liquid_water: hey losers who wants to play a game with me
rocknrow: liquid check your pc case
liquid_water: i have a laptop
rocknrow: ok but you know what i mean
liquid_water: hmmmm nah
liquid_water: someone tell me what ive missed because im not scrolling up
Bingledorf: just peek inside your damn laptop vent
liquid_water: wow theres something inside
liquid_water: dude no way theres METAL
liquid_water: and darkness
liquid_water: wait wtf
rocknrow: yeah
coffee_hawks: this couldn't be from takeovermetal could it?
Bingledorf: no his thing didnt work remember
lucy: what if it fucking did
rocknrow: oh youre kidding
rocknrow: @Takeovermetal
liquid_water: this is actually bs
liquid_water: i just woke up
liquid_water: and my pc is a god damn garden
lucy: howd o i FIX THIS
Takeovermetal: You guys ever deweeded a garden before? lol
lucy: @Takeovermetal @Takeovermetal @Takeovermetal @Takeovermetal @Takeovermetal @Takeovermetal @Takeovermetal @Takeovermetal v
lucy: oh u piece of shit
bones: Do not spam pings at people.
lucy: no you dont understand
lucy: this fucker gavemy pc weeds
bones: That's no excuse to pester him.
rocknrow: i think the fuck not
rocknrow: damn near ruined my pc
bones: @Takeovermetal can you please explain why everyone is blaming you for causing plants to grow inside their computers?
rocknrow: seriously what the hell
Takeovermetal: It's a joke man, calm down
bones: It doesn't seem like much of a joke to me.
Takeovermetal: Oh come on, its kinda funny
liquid_water: god dammit man
liquid_water: you fucking come in here with your damn fancy doom mods
liquid_water: god damn ruin my pc
liquid_water: @bone
liquid_water: fuck
liquid_water: @bones
liquid_water: please for the love of god
bones: So these weeds can be removed like regular weeds?
Takeovermetal: Yeah
Takeovermetal: I got you guys good, but I'm not gonna ENTIRELY fuck you over
bones: It's one thing to have fun, but this is unacceptable behavior.
Takeovermetal: Wait i havent even explained the best part lol
Takeovermetal has left. [Banned by bones].
liquid_water: OOF
rocknrow: thats not perma is it?
bones: Two week ban and a monthlong file upload/link revocation.
liquid_water: lmao rip
rocknrow: the least he could have done was make it grow actual WEED

Footnotes
1. Real name: Carter Wick, online alias: 'Takeovermetal'
2. Central processing unit, graphics processing unit, and RAM.

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