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Inspired a frankly nightmarish visit to the opticians that I had recently.

If you like this, check out some of my other articles:

SCP-3455 (+295)
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SCP-4144 (+411)

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SCP-4533

Item #: SCP-4533
Anomaly Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: When not being tested, SCP-4533 is to be stored in a standard containment unit. People affected by SCP-4533 are to be monitored for potential side effects, and anyone found to be repeatedly abusing the effects of SCP-4533 is to be placed under long-term sedation.
Description: SCP-4533 is an ophthalmic retinal camera modified with a wide eyepiece, allowing for both eyes to be photographed simultaneously. Several of the internal components have been replaced with poorly understood anomalous parts. Despite the presence of manual controls, SCP-4533 operates automatically when a person places their chin on the chin rest and looks directly into the camera.
When activated by a person scoring 1.0 or better on a standard visual acuity test1, SCP-4533 functions as a standard retinal camera. Images of the eyes are produced on the screen as expected, followed by the message "Thank you for using The Retinizer 3000. You have not been charged for this service."
When activated by a person scoring lower than 1.0 on a visual acuity test, they are presented with a brief video2 claiming that SCP-4533 is capable of correcting any eyesight problems in exchange for viewing a number of advertisements. Following verbal consent from the user, SCP-4533 activates its camera.
The photographic flash from the device paralyses the user. Mechanical implements extending from the viewing area then remove the eyes of the user and pull them into the main body of SCP-4533. The screen displays a variety of procedures being performed on the eyes, the intensity of which correlates to their visual acuity and overall health. These procedures range from minor alterations to the cornea or lens to the dissection and opening of the eye, complete replacement of the vitreous humor and other parts of the eye followed by surgical reconstruction. The eyes are then reinserted into the user's eyesockets, and the optical nerves reattached.
During this process users report no pain or loss of vision, instead claiming to have been shown a number of advertisements for various products. Once complete, the user's visual acuity is significantly improved3 and the screen will display the message "Thank you for using The Retinizer 3000! Your account has been debited. Have a nice day!"
Six to twelve hours following the completion of an SCP-4533 procedure, advertisements will appear in the visual field of the user layered on top of their regular vision. Sounds audible only to the user accompany these advertisements, which universally end in a request to speak a particular phrase should they be interested in the product being shown. The advertisements encompass a wide variety of products, a significant proportion of which are products or brands not found on Earth.
Should the user speak the requested phrase for a specific product, they will hear the message "Thank you for your purchase! Your account has been debited!", followed by the cessation of advertising for two to four hours. Four to seven days later a package addressed to the user and containing the requested product will manifest at the entrance to their current location.4
The intensity and duration of the advertisements experienced by the user is proportional to the improvement in visual acuity received through the use of SCP-4533, though tests in which the user has "ordered" the products they are being shown have resulted in significantly longer durations.
Investigation into the origins of SCP-4533 are ongoing.
SCP-4533 Test Results: The following are test result examples highlighting the expected experiences of SCP-4533 users.
Initial State: Mild myopia.
Results: Visual acuity improved from 0.65 to 1.2. Reported seeing advertisements occupying an estimated 20% of their visual field in the lower left, for three hours per day. Advertisements reoccurred for 26 days.
Initial State: Partial cataract in left eye. Moderate hyperopia.
Results: Visual acuity improved to 1.1. Advertisements reported to fully fill the left and right sides of their visual field, leaving a vertical space in the centre allowing for normal sight. Lasted for eight hours per day, and reoccurred for 28 weeks.
Initial State: Total blindness in both eyes caused by accidental chemical exposure in unrelated tests.
Results: Visual acuity restored to an assumed value of 1.0, though testing proved difficult; user reported advertisements filling all but a small square space in the centre of their visual field. Advertisements were visible for extended periods, with one hour gaps every four to six days. Additionally, user reported advertisements appearing in their dreams, though it is theorised that this is due to the effects of SCP-4533 being active during sleep. Current length of effects at time of writing: 183 weeks.
Examples of products received via SCP-4533 advertising

150 cans of "inflatable baked beans". Each individual bean can be manually inflated up to three times their regular size via an included mouth piece, while retaining their regular density.
Hasbro branded portable howitzer, ostensibly for children. Barrel measures 60cm long and is painted in a variety of bright colours. Fires a shell up to 50m, which explodes with some force releasing a cloud of coloured powder and confetti.
47 live rats.
"Ever-beating hearts", a collection of 15 hearts from different species, including human, African elephant, black bear, and weasel. Each heart has been dried through an unknown process that retains its original size, and beats once every 10 to 30 seconds.
SCP-4545. Address label confirms its origin as SCP-4533.
"Readable Meals", a selection of 20 small pieces of paper describing a variety of meals in extreme detail. The paper disintegrates after being read, following which the reader claims to have eaten the meal being described. Stomach content examination confirms this.

Incident 4533/01: Coinciding with global communications disruptions caused by a solar flare, everyone who had previously used SCP-4533 reported problems with their sight. People no longer seeing SCP-4533 advertisements reported suffering from Monochromacy5 as well as seeing a message in the top right of their visual field that read "Unable to connect to DRM server". People still seeing SCP-4533 advertisements experienced total blindness, with the exception of a small message in the centre of their vision that read "Attempting to connect to Sub-server 0XF-079".
These issues lasted for approximately five minutes, when all SCP-4533 users reported seeing a message reading "Connecting to Quantus Advertising Int., please wait…", after which their eyes began functioning as expected.
Incident 4533/03: A letter addressed to D-456-0126 arrived at Site-192 following extended SCP-4533 testing, in which D-456-012 requested over 50 products from SCP-4533 advertisements. The letter stated that D-456-012's debt was too extensive to be reclaimed via regular means, and that extreme measures would be taken to recollect.
Two days following the receipt of the letter, D-456-012's skin developed a number of blemishes which later formed into fully coloured advertisements for a variety of products. One week later a small blemish on D-456-012's neck resolved into a recognisable "volume" symbol, following which he began reciting advertising copy seemingly against his will. This occurs approximately once every 30 minutes, even during sleep. The advertising blemishes fade after approximately one week, before re-appearing in new forms; D-456-012 has described this process as extremely uncomfortable.
At the time of writing, SCP-4533 advertisements cover approximately 90% of D-456-012's skin, in addition to obscuring almost the entirety of his visual field.

Footnotes
1. 1.0 is considered to be standard vision in the decimal visual acuity scale.
2. Even in cases of total blindness, users are able to perceive this video.
3. Typically to between 1.0 and 1.6 on the visual acuity scale.
4. In all tests this has been a Foundation Site; no visual documentation of the appearance of these packages has thus far been recorded.
5. The total inability to perceive colour, instead seeing everything in shades of grey.
6. Addressed using their D-Class designation.

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