SCP-3505. Image has been altered to prevent occurrence of anomalous properties.

Item #: SCP-3505
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3505 is kept in an opaque box in Storage Locker #6838 at Site-17's Low-Value Anomalous Item Storage Unit. Individuals exposed to SCP-3505 must be administered a Class-C amnestic at the conclusion of testing, or as soon as possible if exposure occurred outside of testing. SCP-3505 has been cleared for testing at Outpost 7949-2; testing at other locations may only be undertaken with clearance from SCP-3505's HMCL supervisor.
PoI-3505-0 is to be monitored for further anomalous activity until September 28, 2047.
Description: SCP-3505 is a piece of paperboard carton originating from a take-out container provided by ████'s Chinese Restaurant in ████████, Minnesota. Residue on the object is consistent with the sweet and sour sauce used by ████'s. In addition to the pre-printed phrase "Please Come Again", the object has the following text hand-written in blue ink:

Out & about
back at 7
text me if you need anything

SCP-3505 will display anomalous properties when an individual who comprehends the text written on it, and who can recall the overall shape of the object, sends a text message describing some need or desire to any recipient. Fourteen seconds after this occurs, the receiving device will autonomously send a reply acknowledging the original message;1 simultaneously, an instance of SCP-3505-A will manifest ~15km above Earth's surface, and subsequently fall to the ground several minutes later. Instances of SCP-3505-A generally land within 20 meters of the subject who sent the initiating text message and will not injure any humans in the process.
SCP-3505-A are take-out containers consistent with those provided by ████'s Chinese Restaurant, except of variable size, containing an object or objects related to the need or desire expressed in the initiating text message. All carry the same residue found on SCP-3505. While SCP-3505-A are not damaged by the fall or by atmospheric conditions, their contents are generally susceptible to these same forces. Typically, SCP-3505-A will contain heat shielding and shock absorbers as necessary to keep its contents intact until impact, though not necessarily afterwards.
The contents of SCP-3505-A are variable, even when identical messages are sent by the same subject, and do not necessarily strictly correspond to any objects described in the initiating message. SCP-3505 is not a reliable method of acquiring any tested object or material.
Recovery: SCP-3505 was discovered after reports of several unusual objects (SCP-3505-A instances) falling from the sky at terminal velocity in ████████, Minnesota on 2017-09-28. Standard analysis of recent telecommunications in the area revealed a correlation between SCP-3505-A and several messages sent by ███ Hanson, an occupant of a house near the impacts; SCP-3505 was recovered during the subsequent investigation. DNA evidence, subject testimony and handwriting analysis indicate that SCP-3505 was created by ██████ Hanson2 (PoI-3505-0), who left it on the kitchen table while he went to see a movie at a local theater. PoI-3505-0 demonstrated no awareness of, was unable to account for, and could not replicate SCP-3505's properties.
Abridged Testing Log: The following tests were conducted at Outpost 7949-2. A subject who was exposed to SCP-3505 was instructed to use a cell phone to send text messages to a phone monitored by the supervising researcher.

Initiating message: "How are you doing today?"
Response: None.
SCP-3505-A contents: No instance was created.

Initiating message: "I want to know how you're doing today."
Response: "k"
SCP-3505-A contents: A sheet of blue construction paper, somewhat singed, reading "pretty good" in blue ink. Handwriting matches that of PoI-3505-0, who was asleep at the time of the test.

Initiating message: "We're out of milk."
Response: "I'll pick some up on the way back"
SCP-3505-A contents: A sealed plastic bag containing four liters of skim milk. Curdling suggests that the milk boiled briefly during transit, though it had cooled and condensed by the time the Foundation opened its container.

Initiating message: "Could you send us some very cold milk?"
Response: "Hmm. I'll see what I can do."
SCP-3505-A contents: A sealed steel container containing four liters of skim milk, some of which was frozen. Notably, the SCP-3505-A instance was equipped with extensive heat shielding, whereas the previous one was not.

Initiating message: "I need cocaine."
Response: "It's not that simple."
SCP-3505-A contents: A photograph of a large pile of white powder on a wooden table matching that found in PoI-3505-0's house. A cloth blindfold and a photograph of the most recent copy of The Pioneer Press were placed in front of the pile.

Initiating message: "That won't work. Please give me real cocaine."
Response: "k"
SCP-3505-A contents: A small plastic bag containing 0.3 grams of cocaine cut with venlafaxine.

Initiating message: "We're out of cocaine."
Response: "Oh no!!!"
SCP-3505-A contents: Three damaged USB flash drives. Two were empty; the third contained two identical recordings of the song "Cocaine" by Eric Clapton.

Initiating message: "I need 1kg of Uranium-238."
Response: "No you don't."
SCP-3505-A contents: 238 scraps of human flesh, weighing 1.2kg in total. Several samples were found to be contaminated with fecal matter. DNA testing inconclusive.

Initiating message: "Please send me a million dollars."
Response: "I'm not super liquid right now but I have the next best thing"
SCP-3505-A contents: 60 copies of the Magic: the Gathering card "Black Lotus" as it appeared in its "Alpha" printing (market value ~$15,000). All were burnt, singed, or torn beyond the point of usability. Ashes contained in SCP-3505-A could account for up to three additional copies.

Initiating message: "I need another million dollars, in cash this time."
Response: "Told you I don't have cash, here's the next best thing though."
SCP-3505-A contents: A charred human corpse. Its DNA shows a match to ██████████ Taylor, a Los Angeles-based entrepreneur native to ████████, Minnesota. Death occurred on impact. Notably, ██████████ Taylor is still alive, and his liquid assets are valued at roughly $1,000,000 USD.

Initiating message: "Give me one million dollars."
Response: "k"
SCP-3505-A contents: Several suitcases containing a total of $999,998 worth of assorted valid US currency, submerged in sweet and sour sauce.

Initiating message: "Wash my car."
Response: "Wash it yourself."
SCP-3505-A contents: Believed to be roughly 500 liters of soap and water in a steel container. SCP-3505-A exploded several seconds after impact, apparently from the pressure created by the boiling of said water.

Initiating message: "Help me find a boyfriend."
Response: "I know a guy."
SCP-3505-A contents: A piece of white printer paper containing a phone number found to belong to █████ Graeber, a male acquaintance of PoI-3505-0, printed in black ink. While █████ Graeber was not in a relationship at time of testing, his and the test subject's sexual orientations were incompatible.

Initiating message: "Help me find a boyfriend."
Response: "I know another guy."
SCP-3505-A contents: A charred human corpse. Its DNA shows a match to ██████████ Taylor. Death occurred on impact.

Initiating message: "Help me find a boyfriend."
Response: "Hold on."
SCP-3505-A contents: A piece of white printer paper containing a valid, but unassigned, phone number printed in black ink.

Initiating message: "Tell me who you are."
Response: "…"
SCP-3505-A contents: A piece of white printer paper with "F" handwritten in blue ink. Handwriting is consistent with that of PoI-3505-0.

Initiating message: "Tell me who you are."
Response: "…"
SCP-3505-A contents: A piece of white printer paper with "U" handwritten in blue ink. Handwriting is consistent with that of PoI-3505-0.

Initiating message: "Tell me who you are."
Response: "…"
SCP-3505-A contents: A piece of white printer paper with "C" handwritten in blue ink. Handwriting is consistent with that of PoI-3505-0.

Initiating message: "Teach me how to do what you do."
Response: "Trust me, you don't want my job."
SCP-3505-A contents: A map of the continental United States, with driving instructions handwritten on the back in blue ink. The instructions detail a path from Outpost 7949-2 to a SuperAmerica gas station in ████████, Minnesota. PoI-3505-0 worked at a neighboring SuperAmerica gas station from June 2013 to August 2013.

Initiating message: "I need something that breaks the laws of physics."
Response: "Gimme a sec"
SCP-3505-A contents: A plastic bag of unidentified blue powder that, immediately upon opening, fell out into the sky. Believed to possess anti-gravitational properties.

Initiating message: "I need something that breaks the laws of physics and will stay still."
Response: "k"
SCP-3505-A contents: An object identical to SCP-3505, except without SCP-3505's anomalous properties and with the property that its position relative to Earth is fixed at the site of impact.

Initiating message: "Kiss me through the phone."
Response: "Weird but okay"
SCP-3505-A contents: A non-functional cell phone identical to the one used by the test subject, with the exception of a pair of living human lips integrated into the phone's screen. The computer-to-neuron interface was heavily damaged by heat, preventing further study. DNA testing inconclusive.

Initiating message: "Surprise me."
Response: "w/e"
SCP-3505-A contents: A single blue crayon, broken in half. Shortly prior to impact, SCP-3505-A abruptly changed directions, coming within two meters of the subject before reversing its path and landing in the original projected impact site.

Initiating message: "Help me."
Response: "I got u"
SCP-3505-A contents: An active electromagnetic pulse weapon that triggered on impact, disabling all electronic devices within ~80 meters, including Researcher Stein's pacemaker. While most available personnel were preoccupied with assisting Researcher Stein, the test subject attempted (unsuccessfully) to escape the premises.

Initiating message: "Please come home."
Response: "I'll be back at 7."
SCP-3505-A contents: N/A. No activity occurred for four hours; at about 5:48 PM local time, PoI-3505-0 began to accelerate towards Outpost 7949-2 at about 10m/s2, reaching a maximum velocity of about 50m/s. Death likely occurred within the first fifteen seconds during a collision with a wall. The subject's body was observed to break through obstacles in its path without slowing down, as well as move up or down as necessary to avoid impacting any humans. The subject's body traveled 216 kilometers, colliding with a hill near Outpost 7949-2 at 7:00:00 PM local time and coming to rest. The corpse displayed no unusual properties.

Footnotes
1. It has not been conclusively established whether these responses are generated by a sapient entity.
2. The older brother of ███ Hanson.

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