INFOHAZARD WARNING
Knowledge of this document may have harmful side-effects. Access is restricted to staff briefed on Procedure 382-Diogenes, unless justified by imminent danger. If you accessed this file by accident, notify the SCP-3638 research group immediately.

Fig. 1: Sketch of the entity, drawn by agent Colby Franquin during his guarding shift. Click here for supplementary similar drawings.

Item #: SCP-3638
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3638 is located in a custom-built clear acrylic glass cell1 in Area-130. A group of four agents posted around its cell act as the primary containment construct for SCP-3638's remote effects (supplemented by two other groups in nearby isolated rooms with live vital signs data from each other, acting as fail-safes). Agents are to operate in four hour shifts and are to be provided with any source of entertainment that they request. The use of non-anomalous mood-altering substances may be exceptionally allowed at the discretion of supervisors.
In the event of a breach, recontainment strategies rely upon proficiency in Procedure 382-Diogenes among all personnel aware of SCP-3638's existence, irrespective of site. Derisive language and emphasis on its benign nature are thus encouraged in all exchanges and documentation. This may even take precedence over accuracy in non-critical contexts2.
Description: SCP-3638 is a two-meters tall, partially incorporeal, remarkably impotent predatory entity. It has an arthropod-like segmented structure, with a bloated terminal segment bearing eight four-jointed legs with numerous curved spikes on their tarsi. Each of the other segments bears two curved spikes and one flexible, comically obscene tendril (see fig.1). The entity is always visible, but can suppress all other interactions with matter (e.g. bypass physical barriers) seemingly at will.
Its behavior is understood to be heavily influenced by certain characteristics of sapience: known targets have included adult humans, adult cows, dogs, and a class-III AI construct. Young children, cow calves, and other animals/organisms have consistently been ignored (including in situations of complete vulnerability to attacks). Those who are aware of its existence are primarily targeted, in order of proximity. In cases where no such organisms remained in its surroundings, it has been observed to translocate instantly to reach the next-closest sapient being aware of it. This has been noted as comparable to the routine of a stage magician.
The entity appears unable to initiate a new attack until its current target expires, or until there is a new vulnerable target closer to it. It has been postulated to be greatly frustrated by the ridiculous nature of this behavioral defect highlighting its overwhelming inadequacy.
All observed attacks have occurred in two stages. First, the entity stays stationary and remotely accesses the mind of its prey (as evidenced by vocalizations consistent with knowledge of their thoughts). When this stage is prolonged, brief indistinct hallucinations are induced infrequently. If certain mental features are present (see next paragraph), it becomes immediately able to initiate the second stage: physical assault. The most notable specificity of its aggression techniques is flailing movements reminiscent of a distressed poultry bird, or an oblivious scurrying insect.
Established cognitive patterns that enable the progression to stage two include sustained fear of the entity, inquisitive fascination, visceral disgust, and a disciplined stoic demeanor; best described collectively as "taking it seriously". An indefinite maintenance of stage one (with a continual rotation of agents successively acting as the primary target) has been achieved through a derisive, irreverent mindset, formalized as Procedure 382-Diogenes.
Temporary failures to maintain this outlook do not immediately trigger an attack. Losses of focus3 lasting up to 30 seconds have been reported with no consequences.
Vocalizations from the entity have occurred occasionally since initial containment, typically in the form of amusingly melodramatic threats that greatly overstate its importance and betray human-like psychological flaws, most notably histrionic delusional power fantasies.
Recorded examples of vocalizations include:

"I encompass your sanity. You don't have to think about it now, you will learn later."
"Little treats, dancing on my mind's tongue! Delightful."
"You're exhausted. Don't you want some rest?"
"Cockroaches in your skull, scuttling on your thoughts!"
"You were scared for a split-second. I felt it, delicious. Remember! Think about it again!"
"Gravitas, gravy-taters, omnia grab-its-ass"
"Your mockery is getting quite dull. I may just get bored and stop playing along one day."

Note: although this is not currently verifiable, it has been hypothesized that if the entity were fully corporeal, its smell would be similar to urine and feces.

Footnotes
1. Observation has been shown to be beneficial to the enactment of psychological procedures.
2. For instance, the entity was formerly classified Keter but was found to be far too inept and uncoordinated to deserve this label.
3. Described by agents as the inadvertent onset of fear or doubt regarding the entity's innocuousness.

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