SCP-3854 at recovery site, propped up by Foundation-supplied support strut.

Item #: SCP-3854
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3854 is to be kept in a freshwater containment tank in Site-36. SCP-3854 requires no active maintenance, but a wood restoration specialist is to be kept on-site to perform monthly check-ups on the subject.
Personnel that interact with SCP-3854 are to be fluent in Hebrew.
As per Anomalous Sapient Entity protocol, SCP-3854 is to undergo a weekly psychiatric evaluation.
Description: SCP-3854 is a semi-animate, sapient wooden construct superficially resembling a whale. SCP-3854's external dimensions measure 1.1 m x 3.2 m x 1.2 m, while its internal dimensions (designated SCP-3854-A) measure an approximate 500 square meters. SCP-3854 is cognizant, being able to communicate in Biblical Hebrew, Old Aramaic, and High Enochian1. The subject purports to be the aquatic animal that once detained the biblical prophet Jonah, a claim consistent with Assyrian tomes (620-612 BC) from the Horizon Initiative's universal texts. SCP-3854 was recovered washed up on a beach near Tel Aviv, Jerusalem.
The phrase "Scrivener Associates" is painted onto the side of SCP-3854 in plain English.
SCP-3854-A functions as a self-contained thaumaturge confinement chamber comprised of contiguous layers of Ziziphus spina-christi2. The teeth, fins, vertebrae frame, and eyes of SCP-3854 were manufactured by timber derived from a ~2620-year-old ziziphus tree located on the outskirts of Jerusalem.
SCP-3854-A-1 is the gastrointestinal domicile that composes the main space of SCP-3854-A, accessible from SCP-3854's mouth. Its construction matches that of modern, Western European synagogues, with the following deviations:

An abundance of Persian rugs.
Walls made of ziziphus bark.
Whalebone archways in the place of doors.
A ceiling made entirely of whale blubber.
Two portholes corresponding to SCP-3854's eyes, which emit sunlight regardless of time of day.
A theater stage in the place of an altar.
Several Eye of Providence images trained on said theater stage
A series of clay tablets detailing several morality plays (see addenda)

SCP-3854-A-2 is a postchamber accessible from a doorway at the back of SCP-3854-A-1's theater stage. The room's construction is notably more organic than SCP-3854-A-1, with the walls and ceiling being formed of human epithelial tissue. The floor is made of petrified wood, with select, illuminated spots engraved with Biblical scenes of destruction. The only source of light in SCP-3854-A-2 is SCP-3854-B.
SCP-3854-B is the collective designation for 40 enlarged uteri on the far wall of SCP-3854-A-2. The SCP-3854-B are semi-transparent, and backlit by an orange light of indeterminate source. Each instance, except SCP-3854-B-36, contains an apparent3 human zygote.
SCP-3854-B-36 is empty, with a visible tear indicating violent struggle from its former contents.
Addendum: The following is a translated4 excerpt of stone tablets found within SCP-3854-A-1. The tablets were primarily written in High Enochian, with portions, such as Jonah's lines, written in Proto-Sinaitic5. Further transcripts can be found in Appendix-3854.

3854 Translated Script

3854 Translated Script

pg-I

Mercy! Takes Time to Digest
Three days and three nights.
by M. S.
Distributed by Jim Henson.

Copyright © 7777777, by M. S.

Cast of Characters

STAGHORN-WINGS:
The CAPTAIN on the ship bound towards Tarshish.

LANCED-MOUTHS:
SAILORS #1, #2, and #3 on the ship bound towards Tarshish.

CEASELESS-MOUTHS:
The SUN that burnt Nineveh, the EAST WIND that burnt JONAH's skin and the VOICE OF THE LORD that so loved His people.

GRANT-ME-WINGS-OH-LORD-GOD:
The KIKAYON plant.

UNANTHROMORPHIC-WHEEL-WITH-EYES:
ORGY PARTICIPANTS #1, #2, and #3.

JONAH:
Future mouthpiece of the Lord's divine predilections.

MAY-THE-EARTH-TREMBLE-AT-THE-LORDS-MIGHT:
Tree #1.

FIRE-AND-BRIMSTONE-ARE-DIVINE-INSTRUMENTS:
Tree #2.

pg-II

ACT I

Scene 1: Prophet Pariah

SETTING:
Cobwebs conquer every corner of the room. Candlelight blows out too soon and JONAH must settle with an uneasy rest on the matted floor. He has just fled the only home he has ever known. Meanwhile, atop the deck, a storm occurs. Roaring waves bombard the ship. Scared, some SAILORS begin throwing cargo off board while others pray to their heretical Gods. The CAPTAIN hammers JONAH's door.

Characters:
CAPTAIN, SAILORs, The VOICE OF THE LORD, and JONAH.

CAPTAIN:
How can you sleep? Get up! Get up!
JONAH:
Huh, what?
CAPTAIN:
You can sleep later if there is one. Have you not heard the thunderstorms in the sky?
JONAH:
Yes, I have heard of the thunderstorms in the sky. From you. Just now.
CAPTAIN:
Dear Abzu, Lord of the primeval seas, save me from this fool.
[Cue derelict wood prop falling beside Jonah]
CAPTAIN:
Close enough, Abzu. Now, hurry Jonah, to the deck. We need more hands to throw out the cargo.
[Cue to Jonah feigning tiredness]
JONAH:
If we're going to die anyway, I'd rather do it from the comfiness of a haystack. Come here haystack, yes, be my companion for tonight.
[Cue to Jonah fawning over a vaguely feminine hay pillow. STAGHORN-WINGS pulls Jonah up the stairs and through the doorways.]

pg-III

CAPTAIN:
How goes it?
[Cue to LANCED-MOUTHS shoveling cargo off the ship setpiece.]
SAILOR #1:
Grim, we just shoved off two sacks of gold, three barrels of rum, and five men named Steve6 into the water. The ship won't budge.
CAPTAIN:
[It yells] Helmsman, how goes it?
[LANCED-MOUTHS falls to the ground, crying and pleading, clutching the false idols hanging around its second neck]
SAILOR #2:
Oh Anu, here my cry! Damnit. Oh Enki, I beseech thee, quell this storm! Damnit. Oh Marduk, please tell me you're not a fluke.
[Cue cymbals banging, spotlight flash. LANCED-MOUTHS shrugs two shoulders and throws out its false idols.]
SAILOR #2:
Oh well. That's all of them, Captain.
CAPTAIN:
Damned, Jonah, you better have a God for us, lest we confuse you for cargo like we did Steve.
[Cue to STAGHORN-WINGS making a threatening gesture. Lightning bolt at the top of the mast deployed. Red streamers pop out of the mast, ropes, and sails.]
JONAH:
Hey Jehovah, cut that out. No means no, and I'm not returning your calls just so I can take a "paid" vacation to some foreign country called Nineveh with all manner of molestation and sin. They can rot in a valley.
VOICE OF THE LORD:
Alright, you know what? No more mister nice-and-benevolent. Convert to me, all of you, then throw Jonah into the big fish.
[Cue to a big fish parking next to the ship. LANCED-MOUTHS and STAGHORN-WINGS haul Jonah from where he stands and flings him overboard. They begin praying and singing hymns to the Lord]
JONAH:
I hate you all!
[Cue to the clouds, storms, and sea pieces receding, fog machine turned off. A sunshine setpiece overhead.]

pg-IV

ACT I

Scene 2: Nautical Nightmare!

SETTING:
Pink-red walls pulsate around Jonah as he wakes up. His hand burns from accidentally touching acidic liquids that surround the small amount of land underneath him, made of small kidney stones and hardened barnacle. A bizarre emissary unto the Lord — fluttering countless wings, spinning screaming wheels — levitates above him. Dishes made of whale meat are prepared for him.

Characters:
The VOICE OF THE LORD and JONAH.

JONAH:
Ahh, my head. Wait, where am I? What is this place?
[Cue to voice emanating out of the emissary]
VOICE OF THE LORD:
You are inside of a servant of mine.
JONAH:
Well I'm staying here. I won't go to Nineveh, nothing you can do or say will make me change my mind on the matter.
VOICE OF THE LORD:
Now Jonah, why do you think it always has to be about sodomites, thieves, and erroneous beliefs. Sometimes, God gets lonely.
JONAH:
You kept burning all the bushes when I was awake commanding me to go to Nineveh. And when I was asleep, you kept yelling about it from a dream cloud.
VOICE OF THE LORD:
Look we might've got off on the— Hey wait a minute, I'm the Lord your God, I don't have to take this from you. Do your job or I sink you in whale acid.
JONAH:
But it's a big fish?
VOICE OF THE LORD:
That's not how your descendants will remember it if you live that long.
JONAH:
Alright, alright. O, Lord, slow to anger, fury and all manner of retribution. Your pity hath shaped me, the beast that serves you and humbles me in digestive fluids. Sinners and sodomites shall learn that you forgive iniquity and transgression and sin. I am cured!
VOICE OF THE LORD:
The Lord, God will by no means absolve the guilty, but by gracious mercy and primordial seas, the Lord shall enter their hearth and wash them clean. You are dismissed, my child. Go to Nineveh unmolested.
[The walls scrunch up and a sneeze is heard. Jonah is spat out of a blowhole.]
{Continued in Appendix-3854}

Addendum: On 12/19/1986, shortly after the initial exploration of SCP-3854-A, SCP-3854 regained consciousness. Lead researcher Chasin subsequently conducted a field interview with SCP-3854:

3854 Interview

3854 Interview

Interviewer: Dr. Chasin
Interviewee: SCP-3854
Foreword: The subject has a drawn out manner of speaking. Pauses have been edited out of this transcript for legibility purposes. Phrases in italic are translated from Enochian.

[SCP-3854 begins stirring, producing unknown vocalizations]
[Assistant Researcher James turns on audio recorder he had on hand]
Dr. Chasin: -ou can speak?
[Whale song, wood creaking][Dr. Chasin turns to Researcher James, ascertains that he is recording, returns to facing SCP-3854]
Dr. Chasin: Is there any name you prefer to go by?Dr. Chasin: None? Well, can you tell me who you are?[Dr. Chasin is taken aback by the Enochian]
Dr. Chasin: What, is it that you just said?Dr. Chasin: If you're… garbage, well then you must have been something before you were garbage.
[High-pitched hum from SCP-3854][Dr. Chasin struggles to come up with a response]
[Researcher James pantomimes Dr. Chasin to discuss SCP-3854-A]
Dr. Chasin: Mouth? Mouth! Err, can you tell us about the contents of your… stomach?Dr. Chasin: Lesson? What kind of… lesson?Dr. Chasin: But what about the cave?Dr. Chasin: The cave with the embryos.SCP-3854: Those are angels.
Dr. Chasin: What?Dr. Chasin: Are these angels… also debris?
[Low droning sound]Dr. Chasin: Then the womb that was torn open, would that be an escaped angel? Some kind of Christian demon?Dr. Chasin: …You gave birth to Jonah?SCP-3854: So I took him into myself.
[Dr. Chasin grimaces]
Dr. Chasin: Was it painful?Dr. Chasin: What did he see?

Footnotes
1. Subject displays no additional knowledge of Pseudo-Enochian, Low Enochian, or Middle Enochian.
2. Also known as the "Christ's thorn jujube" or the Lote-tree in regions within the Levant.
3. See Interview Log.
4. See: Bishop, Thomas. “Extraordinary Languages, Mundane Typefaces” Observer: An SCP Foundation Journal (1995): 375
5. Jonah, having lived in approximately the 8th century BC, would have no ability to read Proto-Sinaitic.
6. Transliterated from "[THIS TERMINAL DOES NOT SUPPORT ENOCHIAN TEXT]"

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