LiterallyMechanical

Social Life, by LiterallyMechanical
For the rest of my work, check out LiterallyMechanical's Author Page
A few of my favorites:

SCP-4170 — The Dark
SCP-4163 — The Tetris Prodigy
SCP-4357 — Slimelord

Item #: SCP-3162
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3162-A is to be housed in a secure Site 19 storage locker. When not in use, SCP-3162-A is to remain unplugged and disconnected from all peripherals. SCP-3162-A may be powered on and connected to a mouse and keyboard only for testing by Class-D personnel or researchers with appropriate clearance.
Records of past SCP-3162 entries are to be archived for further study and testing. Under no circumstances are Foundation personnel to use information gleaned from archival SCP-3162 entries to guide or influence their interpersonal relationships.
Description: SCP-3162 is a non-sapient, digital entity housed within SCP-3162-A, a Lenovo M910 desktop computer. Prior to its transfer to Containment, SCP-3162-A was in use in room S19-422, the office of senior researcher Isaac M█████. SCP-3162-A operates as a normal workstation in all respects save for the anomalous effect of SCP-3162.
SCP-3162 is a class-1B cognitohazard, capable of temporarily altering the behavior of humans with whom it is in direct contact. While operating SCP-3162-A, users believe that they are an entity designated as SCP-3162. Those exposed to SCP-3162 feel compelled to write an SCP entry for their own containment, complete with an accurate summary of their own Foundation security protocols, a heavily abridged autobiography focusing on past and present interpersonal relations, and personal commentary. To date, five such documents are known to exist.
No deleterious long-term psychological or physiological effects have been observed in users exposed to SCP-3162. However, there exist anecdotal reports of post-exposure interpersonal conflict between users of SCP-3162-A. A correlation has been noted between past exposure to SCP-3162 and interventional mediation sessions with HR.

► SCP-3162 ARCHIVE [obsolete] 10/22/20██

▼ SCP-3162 ARCHIVE [obsolete] 10/22/20██

Item #: SCP-3162
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3162 is to be allowed level █ employee restricted access to Site 19, Site 1█, and Site 2█, as well as level █ restricted access to Site 41. SCP-3162 is subject to standard Foundation personnel observation protocols and annual performance reviews.
Description: SCP-3162 is an adult human male, born in the year 19██. It refers to itself by the names "Isaac M█████" and "Doctor M█████," and on rare occasions by "Izzie," usually in informal contexts. SCP-3162 was acquired by the Foundation in 198█, when it was scouted by Talent Acquisition personnel in a sweep of Sandia National Laboratory and offered a position within the Foundation.
SCP-3162 was married in the year 198█ to a human female named "Isabella D██████," who changed her name upon marriage to "Isabella M█████." SCP-3162 and Isabella M█████ have remained married for ██ years, and by mutual agreement they have decided to forgo having children. SCP-3162 had a brief affair with Foundation junior researcher Michelle N████ in the year 20██, an indiscretion that has been kept as a closely guarded secret. While SCP-3162 still harbors a romantic emotional attachment to junior researcher Michelle N████, SCP-3162 prioritizes the stability of its marriage to Isabella M█████ over a potential partnership with junior researcher Michelle N████.
At the time of this writing, SCP-3162 is directly responsible for the supervision, containment, and testing of ██ SCPs, including SCP-████, SCP-████, and SCP-████. In the course of a routine review of SCPs under its responsibility, SCP-3162 discovered that its own entry was missing entirely from the SCP database, an omission which is currently being corrected. SCP-3162 speculates that in the process of upgrading the computer terminal in its office, room 422, its entry was inadvertently deleted.

► SCP-3162 ARCHIVE [obsolete] 10/29/20██

▼ SCP-3162 ARCHIVE [obsolete] 10/29/20██

Item #: SCP-3162
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3162 is granted access to Sites 19 and 1█. SCP-3162 is not subject to extraordinary monitoring or containment, save for level-█ security clearance and annual performance reviews.
Description: SCP-3162 is an adult human female, approximately twenty-█████ years of age at the time of this writing. SCP-3162 insists upon specific appellations appropriate to given social contexts, including, but not limited to, "Michelle N████," "junior researcher Michelle N████," and "Doctor N████." SCP-3162 is not to be referred to as “Mickie.” SCP-3162 was acquired by the Foundation in 20██, when it was noted as a potentially valuable employee following the completion of its PhD thesis at ████████ University.
SCP-3162 enjoys outdoor recreation, predominantly hiking and rock climbing. The surrounding environment of Site 1█ provides ample opportunity for it to pursue its hobbies. SCP-3162 is currently in a romantic relationship with fellow junior researcher Austin C█████, and is hopeful that their current status will, in time, transition into a long-term companionship. SCP-3162 has had four (4) unsuccessful romantic partnerships within the past three (3) years. However, its current relationship with junior researcher Austin C█████ is thus far stable and mutually beneficial. SCP-3162 believes that within the next one (1) year, junior researcher Austin C█████ may be receptive to the idea of cohabitation and, within the following four (4) years, that he would be willing to discuss marriage.
SCP-3162 was testing the recently-upgraded computer terminal in the office of its supervisor, senior researcher Isaac M█████, when it discovered an extremely inaccurate description and inadequate containment protocols for itself. This prior entry for SCP-3162 appeared to be a factually accurate biography of senior researcher Isaac M█████, as confirmed by a study of public records, personal correspondence, and a qualitative analysis of senior researcher Isaac M█████'s demeanor in the presence of SCP-3162.
SCP-3162 had been under the impression that its brief romantic affair with senior researcher Isaac M█████ was of no emotional significance to senior researcher Isaac M█████, a belief that is contradicted by the prior entry for SCP-3162. This revelation is the cause of significant emotional distress for SCP-3162, who must now re-evaluate the state of its professional and personal relationship with senior researcher Isaac M█████.
At the time of this writing, SCP-3162 is updating its own entry for the sake of accuracy and safety.

► SCP-3162 ARCHIVE [obsolete] 11/4/20██

▼ SCP-3162 ARCHIVE [obsolete] 11/4/20██

Item #: SCP-3162
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures Subject to level-█ employee clearance, SCP-3162 is allowed access to Site 19 and Site 1█. SCP-3162 is subject only to surveillance and performance review as befitting a Foundation junior researcher.
Description: SCP-3162 is a human male, born in the year 19██. It was acquired by the Foundation following its assistance in re-capturing the escaped SCP-████ during a containment breach in 20██. SCP-3162 preferentially requests to be "Doctor C█████," but will additionally respond to "Austin" and "Austin C█████."
SCP-3162 is, at the time of this writing, in a romantic partnership with junior researcher Michelle N████. SCP-3162 and junior researcher Michelle N████ became close friends due to their mutual appreciation of outdoor recreation and, after engaging in several hiking trips during the summer of 201█, entered into a relationship at the summit of Mount ████. SCP-3162 has been generally satisfied with the progression of their relationship, however, it is of the belief that junior researcher Michelle N████ is potentially interested in more serious future relations than SCP-3162 is prepared for, up to and including cohabitation and/or marriage within the next one (1) year. As a result, SCP-3162 is considering ending its romantic partnership with junior researcher Michelle N████ in the near future.
SCP-3162's suspicions of junior researcher Michelle N████'s intentions were confirmed during a routine review of SCP entries maintained by its supervisor, senior researcher Isaac M█████. SCP-3162 was surprised to find a biography of junior researcher Michelle N████ in place of its own entry, and while the data therein remains unverified, anecdotal evidence suggests that it is largely accurate. SCP-3162 had been reassured by junior researcher Michelle N████ on numerous occasions that she and senior researcher Isaac M█████ had never engaged in romantic relations. However, information gleaned from prior entries of SCP-3162 suggests otherwise, a fact that is currently the source of considerable emotional distress for SCP-3162.
In light of this false entry, as well as a similar false entry that described the life of senior researcher Isaac M█████, SCP-3162 hypothesizes that SCP-3162 itself is a non-human memetic construct and potential cognitohazard rather than Austin C████, a human. SCP-3162 believes that SCP-3162 inhabits the newly-upgraded computer terminal located in the office of senior researcher Isaac M█████, room 422 of Site 19.

► SCP-3162 ARCHIVE [obsolete] 11/6/20██

▼ SCP-3162 ARCHIVE [obsolete] 11/6/20██

Item #: SCP-3162
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3162 is to be secured in the Class-D housing facility at Site 19, where it is subject to all standard Class-D personnel security protocols. SCP-3162 is subject to monitoring by a standard Class-D subcutaneous tracking implant and routine camera surveillance.
Description: SCP-3162 is an adult human male, born in the year 19██. SCP-3162 refers to itself as "T-Bone" or "Big T," though a review of public records indicates that its legal name is "Timothy R████." SCP-3162 was offered a position as a Class-D employee at Site 19 as an alternative to its impending execution in the ████ Texas Penitentiary.
Prior to its incarceration in ████ Texas Penitentiary and its employment at Site 19, SCP-3162 had never engaged in a romantic relationship that lasted for a period exceeding five (5) months, with a mean of three (3) weeks (sample size N=12, discounting outliers of one (1) day or less). During the period of its employment at Site 19, SCP-3162 has publicly expressed superficial sexual attraction to junior researcher Michelle N████ on multiple occasions, predominantly in her presence.
At the time of this writing, SCP-3162 is of the opinion that senior researcher Dr. Isaac M█████, junior researcher Dr. Michelle N████, and junior researcher Dr. Austin C█████, have engaged in unjust and potentially abusive actions by demanding that SCP-3162 participate in the testing of SCPs that it considers unsafe. In addition, SCP-3162 has noted that deteriorating interpersonal relations between the above-mentioned researchers may be compromising their judgment, leading to irrational behavior and subsequent elevated risk to life and limb for SCP-3162.
SCP-3162 is further of the opinion that given that Drs. Isaac M█████ et al. have spent the past three (3) hours engaging in heated discourse of a sensitive, personal nature in the open presence of SCP-3162 and several Site 19 security officers, all three of the above-mentioned researchers are unqualified to conduct professional research of any kind, and would be best relegated to less demanding employment positions among the Class-D personnel. SCP-3162 posits that the above-mentioned researchers would be of best use to the Foundation, and society at large, as feed for one of the many carnivorous SCPs housed in Site 19.
SCP-3162 is at this moment verbally expressing these opinions at high volume, and appears to be unconcerned at the presence of the Site 19 security personnel posted in room 422, armed with standard-issue stun batons. SCP-3162 believes th

► SCP-3162 ARCHIVE [obsolete] 12/22/20██

▼ SCP-3162 ARCHIVE [obsolete] 12/22/20██

Item #: SCP-3162
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: Though SCP-3162 retains level-█ employee restricted access to Site 19, it has been informally instructed by Oversight to constrain its research activities to Site 1█, Site 2█, and Site 41 as a condition of continued employment.
Description: SCP-3162, referred to as "Isaac M█████," "Doctor M█████," or "Izzie," is a senior researcher stationed at Site 19. Following a series of complaints by junior researchers Austin C█████ and Mickie Michelle N████, and a subsequent breakdown of productive communication during HR mediation sessions, SCP-3162 was recently removed from its position as research team supervisor.
SCP-3162 was previously married to a human female designated as "Isabella D██████."
SCP-3162 has noted that while the allegations leveled by junior researchers Austin C█████ and Mickie Michelle N████ are largely truthful, SCP-3162 has been treated unjustly by Oversight. SCP-3162 believes that its years of dedicated service to the Foundation merit greater consideration than it has been afforded. SCP-3162 also believes that the employment of junior researchers Austin C█████ and Mickie Michelle N████ should be terminated, and that they should be administered doses of a class-D amnestic and released into the general population. Furthermore, SCP-3162 believes that its previous authority of research team supervisor should be reinstated. Instead, as of 12/25/20█, SCP-3162 will be relocating to Site 2█ at the strong encouragement of Oversight. SCP-3162 is aware that it will therefore be spending Christmas day alone, and has requested that junior researcher Mickie Michelle N████ cease reminding it of this fact.
While SCP-3162 has decided to keep its opinion of Oversight's decision private, SCP-3162 suspects that impending senility may be affecting the judgment of several Overseers. SCP-3162 is aware that voicing its suspicions would result in immediate retaliation, up to and including termination of employment. SCP-3162 will therefore keep its opinions to itself.
SCP-3162 is regretting its decision to run a final test of SCP-3162 before its relocation. While SCP-3162 did achieve its goal of reaching emotional catharsis, SCP-3162 is apprehensive that its candid thoughts regarding Oversight may reach certain individuals who have ignoble intentions regarding SCP-3162's continued employment.
SCP-3162 refuses to apologize.

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