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When they pass around the crackers during communion, they aren't kidding when they say that's the body of Christ.

This SCP is dedicated to Taylor and Joy, who helped me get this stupid, stupid picture.

SCPs

SCP Number
Rating

SCP-3393
1190

Captain Kirby's Proposal
771

SCP-4514
618

SCP-3448
572

SCP-5552
568

SCP-3844
490

SCP-3388
472

SCP-5003
426

SCP-3866
425

SCP-3305
399

SCP-3449
372

SCP-4877
367

SCP-4321
332

SCP-016-J
261

SCP-7100
252

SCP-3123
230

SPC-1057
215

SCP-3393-EX
214

SCP-3511
206

SCP-6007
192

SCP-3633
191

SCP-4925
184

SCP-4479
178

SCP-3767
166

SCP-4316
161

SCP-4775
141

SCP-4034
135

SCP-5877
103

SCP-3650
98

SCP-5448
97

SCP-3203
64

SCP-5779
61

SCP-3405
53

SCP-3481
48

Tales

Title
Rating

Impossible-To-Destroy Reptile
471

The Nuclear Option
465

In The Clutches Of Life
370

Numbers, Like Stories, Never Die
316

Excerpts From The Societal Census Programme ΩK-Class Report
218

Tales of the Ethics Committee: 5 Reasons The Foundation Wants A Robot Army
216

The Tombstone of Alto Clef
215

With The Reaper On Retirement
214

Do You Remember Funerals?
163

Where Death Used To Live
143

From The Clutches Of Life
141

Don't Get Used To It
140

Project Damnerung
139

The Many Portraits Of Jack Bright
137

Group Date
136

Hello, My Name Isn't
132

Monochrome
129

Hundred-Year Favor
117

Even The Most Masked Of Men Become Themselves Behind Closed Doors
110

You Have 18 Unread Messages
97

Everyday Is Somebody's Birthday
88

The Shape of a Noose
75

A Failed Two Weeks Notice
67

'Til Death Do Us Part
63

Pink Cracks in a Digital Wall
61

Rocks And Trees Are Not Good Company
61

Poky And Pal Scheme Together
54

Is Anybody Home?
52

A Eulogy In 11/8 Time
50

Carnivores
50

Poky And Pal Arm Themselves
49

Tears of a Neon God
48

Virtue
43

When It Rains, It Pours
42

I Felt Numb
39

It's A Nice Day Out
37

Attempts To Salvage Thought
35

God-Knows-Where
34

I Am Wonderful
33

They Are Not Laughing With You
28

Outrun
26

What Is There To Do With A Pot Of Gold?
25

Containment's A Beach
20

GOI Formats

Title
Rating

Captain Kirby's Proposal, Or Something
184

My Head Is On Fire And I'm (Not) Ok
98

Project Proposals 2004-013/2014-114/2024-072: "Losing Your Cool"
70

You may also like:
SCP-3250 - Jesus Fried Chicken by minmin and LilyFlower

Public knowledge of the substitution of Kentucky Fried Chicken's secret "Eleven Secret Herbs and Spices" recipe is to be suppressed.

SCP-3166 - You Have No Idea How Alone You Are, Garfield by Tanhony

The exterior layer of SCP-3166's body resembles a crudely-made costume of the character Garfield, which field inspection has shown to be composed of legitimate cat fur. However, analysis of SCP-3166's composition in the field has shown that its interior mass is composed entirely out of pasta: specifically, lasagna.


Picture of SCP-3305 confiscated during Event SCP-3305-A

Item #: SCP-3305
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: MTF Gamma-84 (Holy Toasters) are to be permanently stationed at SCP-3305. All personnel attempting to gain access to SCP-3305 without prior approval are to be detained, administered Class-A amnestics, and released.
Should SCP-3305-1 manifest, it is to be detained by MTF Gamma-84 and transferred to Site-19, where it will be stored in a standard humanoid containment chamber. Protocol Judas is to be executed in the event of a containment breach meeting the required criteria.

Open Protocol Judas

Close Protocol

Protocol Judas was a method of containment proposed by Dr. Teller to successfully detain and terminate SCP-3305-1, while causing minimal physical and psychological damage to those under its effects. This is only to be considered in the event of a containment breach where SCP-3305-1 is summoned, and has made contact with a civilian population.
Phase 1: MTF Gamma-84 will bring a D-Class person with an ailment (from now on referred to as the Patient) to a building near SCP-3305-1. All smoke detectors inside the building will be disabled, and the Patient must be kept in a room which is not visible to the outside. Airplanes equipped with the suitable amounts of gaseous Class-B amnestics shall be positioned near the civilian population.
Phase 2: MTF Gamma-84 will request the assistance of SCP-3305-1 in healing the Patient. It is imperative that no civilian personnel be allowed inside the building with SCP-3305-1. Given the nature of SCP-3305-1, if the request is made in earnest, it will comply.
Phase 3: Once the Patient has been cured by SCP-3305-1 and cleared the premises, MTF Gamma-84 shall incinerate SCP-3305-1.
Phase 4: The airplanes shall dispense the Class-B amnestics over the civilian population.
Phase 5: MTF Gamma-84 is to perform a survey of the civilian population to identify individuals who retain memories of SCP-3305-1, and administer Class-B amnestics as needed.

Description: SCP-3305 is a collection of five trees in the ██████████ Forest with slices of white bread stapled to them. All attempts to remove the bread from the trees have failed.
If a particular ritual is performed at SCP-3305 (See Document SCP-3305-R), then a humanoid composed of bread will appear (SCP-3305-1). SCP-3305-1 will offer parts of itself to eat, and puncture itself to produce wine to drink. This bread and wine have restorative properties, as individuals who have consumed them report being cured of all physical and mental illnesses.
All individuals who consume part of SCP-3305-1 worship it, as well as bread in general. The form of this worship varies highly between individuals. Similarities between this effect and those observed in SCP-3250 and SCP-2867 are under investigation.
While amnestics can successfully erase memories of interaction with SCP-3305-1, subjects under SCP-3305-1's effects still believe in the existence of SCP-3305-1, and will continue to worship bread. Only after SCP-3305-1 has been terminated do amnestics become effective at erasing all memories regarding SCP-3305-1.
Additional Documents:

Open SCP-3305-R

Close Document

Materials needed: Fifty loaves of white bread, 3.79 liters of red wine, a virgin, 18.14 kilograms of homemade dough, 14.4 cubic centimeters of flour, 3.79 liters of gasoline, matches, and a Bible.

Lay the loaves between the stapled pieces of bread to form a pentagram. (This will require all fifty loaves, assuming each loaf is approximately 30.48 centimeters long).
Pour wine over all of the loaves of bread.
Move the virgin into the center of the pentagram.
Cover the virgin with the dough, so none of the virgin's skin can be seen.
Sprinkle the flour over the virgin, and all loaves of bread.
Douse the virgin in 3.03 liters of gasoline, and each piece of bread in 0.19 liters.
Ignite all 5 pieces of bread.
Ignite the virgin.
From the Bible, read aloud verse Mark 14:22-24.

After the dough rises, it takes the form of SCP-3305-1. It is unknown what happens to the virgin, as all testing indicates SCP-3305-1 is made entirely of bread and wine.

Open Event SCP-3305-A

Close Document

The following is The Foundation's current understanding of what occurred during Event SCP-3305-A. All information was gathered from SCP-3305-1, local authorities before being amnestied, and Foundation personnel present.

Day 1: An unknown group performs the ritual described in document SCP-3305-R. SCP-3305-1 manifests and is led to an abandoned church near the small town ██████. He is hidden for the rest of the day.
Day 2: During the morning mass, wine and bread from SCP-3305-1 are served to attendees. 80% of ██████ was present, and consumed part of SCP-3305-1. At the end of the sermon, SCP-3305-1 introduced itself. All civilians in attendance acknowledge SCP-3305-1 as the personification of a deity. A banquet was held, using bread and wine from SCP-3305-1.
Day 3: SCP-3305-1 visits the rest of ██████. Those who appear to be afraid of SCP-3305-1 are reprimanded against the anomaly's will. SCP-3305-1 feeds one civilian afflicted with Alzheimer's Disease a portion of itself. The civilian claims a miracle has occurred, and can now remember his past clearly.
Days 4-7: Those who refuse to consume part of SCP-3305-1 are discriminated against by approximately 40% of those under the effects of SCP-3305-1. These individuals are often refused service, and are called “Gluten-Free”. SCP-3305-1 is unaware of the abusive treatment. Each night, SCP-3305-1 offers pieces of itself for consumption. It is estimated that 90% of the town have consumed a portion of SCP-3305-1 by Day 7.
Day 8: Joseph Westing, the inventor of the “Gluten-Free” slur, announces the creation of The Westing Church of Wonderbread. Its tenets are similar to those advocated by SCP-3305-1, however, they believe that “White bread is a superior bread”. 40% of ██████ joins The Westing Church of Wonderbread.
Day 9-11: Members of The Westing Church of Wonderbread become increasingly hostile toward “Gluten-Free” civilians. On Day 11, the Patrickson family is forced out of ██████. The accounts of the Patrickson family are the first reports The Foundation has received regarding SCP-3305. MTF Gamma-84 is sent to investigate.
Day 12: Members of The Westing Church of Wonderbread attack a bakery. Two civilians are stabbed to death with sharpened, stale baguettes, and four are beaten with the same weapons. SCP-3305-1 publicly denounces The Westing Church of Wonderbread. MTF Gamma-84 arrives at ██████. MTF Gamma-84 detains SCP-3305-1, and requests transport for SCP-3305-1 to Site 19.
Day 13: While attempting to administer amnestics to the residents of ██████, The Westing Church of Wonderbread riot. Four Foundation employees and twenty civilians are injured. After the altercation, Class-B amnestics are successfully administered to the rest of the population. SCP-3305-1 is interviewed by Site 19 personnel. See SCP-3305 Interview Log for the full transcript.
Day 14: Residents of ██████ return to worshipping bread, referencing SCP-3305-1. The individuals responsible for The Westing Church of Wonderbread create another organization called The King's Hawaiian Congregation. When asked about this, SCP-3305-1 replied, “They can still feel my presence, so they still know. Although, what more is faith than a feeling?” Dr. Teller requests the termination of SCP-3305-1.
Day 15: Site Director Rogers approves Dr. Teller's termination request. SCP-3305-1 does not resist personnel during the process. SCP-3305-1 is terminated via incineration.
Day 16: The aviation division of MTF Gamma-84 administers a gaseous amnestic to the residents of ██████ via an air drop. The rest of MTF Gamma-84 surveys the town and administers amnestics to those who did not encounter the gaseous amnestic. All memories of SCP-3305-1 are erased, and all evidence that SCP-3305 exists is confiscated. MTF Gamma-84 is assigned to monitor SCP-3305.

Open SCP-3305 Interview Log

Close Log

<Start Log>
Dr. Teller: Hello. I'm sure you've been told that you've been brought here for questioning.
SCP-3305-1: I have. There is nothing for me to hide.
Dr. Teller: Well, it's good to know you don't feel uncomfortable. Can you tell me where you come from?
SCP-3305-1: I come from The Great Bakery. I have returned to once again enlighten men and women in the ways of The Baker, and to let them feast upon my body.
Dr. Teller: Returned? When were you here last?
SCP-3305-1: I know not the passage of time between my last appearance and now. I can say for certain that massive bounds in culture and technology have taken place. I am quite impressed.
Dr. Teller: Fair enough. What happened to you during your last appearance?
SCP-3305-1: I attempted to do the same as I did these past weeks. I brought bread, and urged people to break it with one another. The only difference was that back then, bread and wine were scarce, so I was considered a blessing and a miracle.
Dr. Teller: Do you not consider yourself those things?
SCP-3305-1: No, no. I'm just a humble butter knife, spreading the words of The Baker.
Dr. Teller: Do you feel pain when you tear off pieces of yourself?
SCP-3305-1: I do, but I have grown used to it. I have suffered for the masses in other terrible ways. Giving away my blood and flesh to feed the hungry is but a prick in comparison. Speaking of which, I believe I have not offered you any.
SCP-3305-1 removes a small piece of bread from its arm and offers it to Dr. Teller.
Dr. Teller: Thank you, but I ate earlier, so I'm not hungry.
SCP-3305-1: Very well.
Dr. Teller: Are you aware of the actions of a group called “The Westing Church of Wonderbread”? They were responsible for an attack on a bakery in town for selling, and I quote, “Whole Grain, the heathen's bread”.
SCP-3305-1: I have.
Dr. Teller: Have you spoken to this group at all?
SCP-3305-1: Not directly, but I should have. I do not condone their message. Wonderbread is terribly bland. I much prefer Pepperidge Farm.
<End Log>

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