Item #: SCP-3583
Object Class: Neutralized Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: As all attempts to take SCP-3583 into custody have resulted in it decohering into its component parts, and a new instance manifesting within three days, containment is focused on supervising its behavior, and on information control. Foundation personnel have been embedded among the employees of SCP-3583's preferred school; for monitoring purposes, 3 Foundation personnel are to embark on SCP-3583 at the end of each school day. Except for purposes of approved experimentation into Behavior Pattern SCP-3583-2, no more than 4 personnel are to embark.
Standard Internet-monitoring bots have been set to watch video-sharing sites for further copies of videos made from within SCP-3583; all such copies are to be taken down.
Description: SCP-3583 is a schoolbus which displays multiple anomalous properties, the most evident of which is that it is autonomous.1 As well, close inspection reveals that it is composed of a wide variety of mismatched schoolbus parts, held together by an unknown force.
SCP-3583 associates itself with [REDACTED] Public School, in the town of [REDACTED], Oklahoma. At 3:20pm each school day, SCP-3583 manifests in a random location in the bus zone outside the school, opens its door, and waits 7 minutes. During this interval, a maximum of 56 children may embark of their own volition (a maximum of 8 adults will also be able to embark, with each adult apparently being considered equal to two children). If, after 7 minutes, SCP-3583 does not contain its desired number of passengers, it begins to honk its horn. This produces a cognitohazardous effect whereby all children within hearing range will enter a fugue state, abandon their other activities, and embark on SCP-3583. If there are insufficient children within hearing range, the horn will become progressively louder.
Once SCP-3583 contains its desired number of passengers, it will demanifest from the bus zone and enter an anomalous region of space (henceforth SCP-3583-A). SCP-3583-A is recognizably based on the town of [REDACTED], but with multiple divergences, including but not limited to violent civil unrest, seismic and volcanic activity, frequent high-voltage electrical discharges, inconsistent gravity, building fires, predatory megafauna, open military conflict with public mass executions, and animate cadavers of varying degrees of decomposition and mutilation.
In SCP-3583-A, SCP-3583 will engage in one of two distinct behavior patterns, depending on how many adults are present.
Behavior pattern 1 (0-4 adults): SCP-3583 will drive through SCP-3583-A until it reaches the counterpart of an individual child's residence.2 There, it will return to normal space, and allow the child to disembark. It will then return to SCP-3583-A, proceed to the counterpart of another child's residence, and continue in this fashion until all the children have disembarked; afterward, it will deliver any adults to their individual residences in the same fashion. Once the last adult has disembarked, SCP-3583 will demanifest.
Behavior pattern 2 (5-8 adults): SCP-3583 will emerge from SCP-3583-A at the sites of historic mass casualty events (identified sites include the World Trade Center, Khao Lak, Pompeii, and Nanjing) in the days or weeks prior to their occurrence.3 SCP-3583 will then drive around the site for between 45 and 150 minutes, after which it will engage in Behavior Pattern 1.

Interview log 3583-08F2X; interview subject: Principal ████████
Principal ████████: We expected you a lot sooner. We sent a half-dozen reports back when it first showed up. What took you so long?
Agent Patel: Uh, we looked into it, and it turns out that, uh, somewhere along the line – before they got to us, I should emphasize – the reports were processed by a person who decided you were, uh, intoxicated and hallucinating.
Principal ████████: …that son of a bitch. That son of a bitch! I'll have you know I've been clean for fifteen years five months! Who's the bastard who says I fell off the wagon? Was it [REDACTED]?
Agent Patel: Really, I'm sorry, I can't tell you that. I don't actually know, and even if I did I couldn't tell you.
Principal ████████: <sigh> Okay, fine. So if it wasn't our reports, how'd you find out about it?
Agent Patel: Some of the kids started posting videos online.
Principal ████████: Oh shit.
Agent Patel: Yeah, tell me about it. Took us a good week to scrub them all.
Principal ████████: You can do that?
Agent Patel: We can do a lot of stuff.
Principal ████████: But not actually stop it from coming back, I guess.
Agent Patel: Well… doesn't look like it, no.
Principal ████████: How far did you get it before it fell apart?
Agent Patel: The first time, we actually got it into the secured garage. But now it lets go as soon as we've hauled it off the school property.
Principal ████████: I could've warned you, y'know. We did try getting rid of it ourselves, at first. Clamped its wheels and towed it off to the dump. Poof, bus parts all over the road.
Agent Patel: One of our people suggested we legally expand your school's area, see if that'd do anything, but–
Principal ████████: Oh, is that why there were surveyors all over the place last month?
Agent Patel: Yeah, we figured it'd be a good idea to start small before we got into expropriating all your neighbors. Didn't make a difference, but, uh, enjoy your extra 1000 square feet.
Principal ████████: Ha. Of all the things I expected from you Men-in-Black assholes, space for a new playground wasn't one of them. Halfway thought you might shut us down!
Agent Patel: We did seriously consider that, actually.
Principal ████████: … oh.
Agent Patel: But if we do that, if you're not here, it might just find some other school. We can't take that risk. So we'll embed some of our people in your staff, to keep an eye on it.
Principal ████████: How many?
Agent Patel: Uh… probably not more than six?
Principal ████████: I don't have the budget for that.
Agent Patel: No, we'll handle their salaries.
Principal ████████: Huh. Must be nice.
Agent Patel: Uh… I guess so? Anyway, before I leave, I wanted to thank you.
Principal ████████: Hm?
Agent Patel: For being so reasonable about this. A lot of the time, if we have to leave the, uh, anomaly on site, the locals get upset.
Principal ████████: Well, yeah. If we really wanted it gone, we wouldn't have stopped reporting it.
Agent Patel: My bosses'll want an explanation for that.
Principal ████████: You can't just tell 'em we don't mind having it here?
Agent Patel: Hey, come on. Would you accept that?
Principal ████████: <sigh> Look. Whatever it is, it pretty clearly wants to be a schoolbus. And it's not doing that bad a job. I mean, hell dimension aside, it's got a perfect safety record. Been doing this five years, and it's never so much as had a kid get hurt in a fight. I've had living drivers who can't say that. And… okay, look, can I be honest with you?
Agent Patel: Please do?
Principal ████████: Do you realize how much a schoolbus costs? Just the bus, not even counting the fuel and the maintenance and the driver? With what we've saved since this thing showed up, we were able to hire a music teacher.

Footnotes
1. The driver's seat is empty at all times, and an unknown force prevents it from being occupied; similarly, the steering wheel and brake and accelerator pedals do not respond to manipulation.
2. Although standard schoolbus dropoff points exist, SCP-3583 ignores them.
3. Passengers have been able to ping Foundation satellites and servers as applicable, but satellite and server records from the relevant eras do not indicate the pings in question; similarly, video taken from within SCP-3583 has been found to be a 100% match for all available historical footage, but no such footage has been found to contain SCP-3583.

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