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Item#: 3988

Level2

Containment Class:
safe

Secondary Class:
none

Disruption Class:
vlam

Risk Class:
notice

link to memo

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3988 is to be contained in a standard low-threat humanoid containment cell, with occasional minor amenities provided in the event that its cooperative behavior continues. Exceptional requests may be granted in the event that any of SCP-3988's information leads to its creator's arrest.
Description: SCP-3988 is an animate human skeleton, approximately 1.8 meters in height and weighing roughly 8 kilograms.
SCP-3988 is sapient, and capable of speech in English despite lacking the tissues responsible for vocalization. It displays intelligence and is capable of cognition and problem-solving at a level roughly equivalent to that of an average human adult. It is resistant to damage, with its composite bones possessing fracture toughness and yield stress analogous to those of medium-carbon steel and a Mohs hardness of approximately 9.7. Despite this, it is physically frail due to its low mass, and encounters difficulty lifting weights greater than 7 kilograms.
The entity self-identifies as “Napoleon Bonyparts”, and claims that it is a product of thaumaturgic rituals performed by an unknown individual1 to whom SCP-3988 previously belonged, referred to by SCP-3988 as “Baron von Boneyard”, or more casually as “Doc”, “the boss”, or “Tony”. Its personality has been characterized by Foundation psychologists as predominantly genial and good-natured, albeit sarcastic and absent-minded. It possesses an apparent abundance of knowledge concerning necro-thaumaturgic principles, theory, and practice, some elements of which have been corroborated and verified by Foundation necromancers.
Apart from its state of anomalous animation, sapience, and durability, SCP-3988 displays no other overt anomalous properties. It requires no sustenance or physical upkeep and is not currently considered a threat to interacting researchers.
Discovery: SCP-3988's was initially located and detained in suburban Sacramento, California, United States of America. Over a period of several days, the Sacramento Police Department had received multiple reports of a “skeleton in a suit” wandering through the neighborhood of Glenwood Meadows, going door-to-door and attempting to distribute fliers advertising the services of a “licensed general-practice necromancer” by the name of “Baron von Boneyard”. Radio traffic from the precinct's central dispatch was flagged by Foundation listening posts embedded within the Sacramento area, and SCP-3988 was promptly brought into Foundation custody on July 8th, 2014 with minimal difficulty.
On SCP-3988's person were a small number of personal effects, including:

Clothing, consisting of a worn, gray three-piece pinstripe suit, vest, necktie, leather shoes, and black bowler hat, all missing manufacturer's tags or identifying marks
One pocket watch, gold
One pack of unfiltered Camel Straight cigarettes, three cigarettes missing
One lighter, Bic, green
Briefcase, brown leather, containing approximately 500 single-page folded brochures with information concerning the company/individual “Baron von Boneyard, General-Service Necromancer” and one unsealed, unmarked envelope containing a hand-written letter (text provided below)
One dagger, steel, double-edged, 27 centimeters in length

Apart from ridicule and sarcastic remarks, SCP-3988 did not resist its arrest by the recovery team. It has consistently cooperated with Foundation personnel since its containment and has been receptive to questioning and interview sessions. Notable example follows.

Date: 13 August, 2014
Interviewer: Humanoid Anomaly Specialist Dr. Stephanie Marquez, Level 3
Interviewee: SCP-3988
Setting: Humanoid Containment Site-188, Investigative Interview 3988-01

(Dr. Marquez enters interview cell and secures door behind her, then sits in the chair opposite SCP-3988. SCP-3988's hands are manacled to a restraining bracket welded to the desk.)(Dr. Marquez opens her clipboard and prepares a notepad and pen.)
Dr. Marquez: Hello, SCP-3988. You… haven't forgotten my name, have you?(Dr. Marquez smiles.)
Dr. Marquez: I'll make a note of your flattery. You've been here more than a month, 3988, and according to this you've acclimated more or less successfully. No incidents. Good behavior, all things considered. Are your accommodations satisfactory? Any complaints since the last time we spoke?Dr. Marquez: I'm not entirely unsympathetic. We do have an incentivization program for residents that consistently show cooperation, so before the month is out, as long as you keep it up, we can see about getting you some amenities. How's that sound?
(SCP-3988's jaw partially dislocates. It reaches up to snap its mandible back into place before continuing.)(Dr. Marquez nods absently, writing a note.)
Dr. Marquez: I'm sure. Now, we have yet to conduct a proper intake interview, so that'll be the focus of this first session. I'll be asking you some questions about who you are, your background, and things like that. Honesty would be appreciated, if not exactly expected at this juncture. And if at any point you want to stop the interview, I'll leave and we can try again later. Alright?Dr. Marquez: Well, why don't we find out. Starting with the basics, do you have a name?(SCP-3988 removes its left hand with its right and taps its head with it in a mock salute, then reattaches it, deliberately replacing its restraints.)(Dr. Marquez blinks, then writes another note. Containment Control hails Dr. Marquez on her radio, but she declines an enforcement team.)
Dr. Marquez: I appreciate that, Napoleon. How did you get that name?Dr. Marquez: Right, the “Doc”. Or, according to this documentation, “Baron von Boneyard”. We're not familiar with him. Can you tell us anything about him?Dr. Marquez: How about we start with who he is, exactly.Dr. Marquez: Programmed? Are you implying that you don't have free will?Dr. Marquez: Insanity? From reading over these transcripts and interacting with you personally, I'd say you definitely seem eccentric, but I wouldn't necessarily say insane. What makes you say that?Dr. Marquez: So far, yes.Dr. Marquez: That… does sound difficult.Dr. Marquez: Well. Ah… we can come back to that topic later, Napoleon, if you want. But for just now, can you tell us what the Baron's name is? Or where he is?(Dr. Marquez continues writing notes.)
Dr. Marquez: I… see. And what exactly were you doing in Glenwood, when we found you?Dr. Marquez: So… your creator programmed you to advertise his business, and sent you out in public. Unattended. Without a disguise, or any kind of protection.Dr. Marquez: Actually, we did perform tests on the knife you had. We didn't find any anomalous properties of any kind. It's… just a knife.
(SCP-3988 vibrates briefly, clacks its jaw shut, and freezes for a short moment.)Dr. Marquez: It doesn't seem to me like your Baron thought very much of this through, Napoleon. Especially considering the fact that you were captured and now you're… freely giving us all this information.

Contents of Seized Letter

Close

Alright, Napoleon. It's crunch time. We've got to build the customer base and we've got to build it quick. Remember, focus on the afterlife communion and séance stuff more than anything else, people fall for that sentimental crap like dominoes and it's cheap as hell. You're walking proof this stuff works! Anyone that doesn't slam the door in your face is gonna be sold! Just work your charms and I'll be able to afford enough soulstuff to feed Gorzugaal, and I'll be able to get the reagents to stop Shiriok from watching me when I'm in the goddamn shower. Then we can quit out to the Caribbean, just like you wanted. We'll take the drones, load em up on a boat and knock over an island! I'll call it… Death Island, probably! We'll be sipping mai tais on a beach before the year's out, just you wait.

You're the man for the job, Napoleon, no bones about it. I'm counting on you. Stay safe and I'll see you in a few weeks. It's you and me against the world, buddy!

In light of the information gathered from repeated interviews, SCP-3988 has been allowed a small number of personal material requests to encourage continued cooperation, including access to cigarettes and cable television. Dr. Marquez has also filed an official request to begin therapeutic counseling sessions with SCP-3988 to address its incipient mental health issues, which is currently awaiting Ethics Committee review.
Investigation into PoI-6696 “Baron von Boneyard”'s whereabouts and activities is currently ongoing.

Footnotes
1. Tentatively designated PoI-6696

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