Item #: SCP-3947
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3947 instances are to be kept in a bathtub housed inside a large-size high-value containment chamber at Site-88. Requests for money, decoration, or bath toys are to be granted as long as the items will not result in an increased risk of a containment breach.
Staff assigned to SCP-3947 are to have a good understanding of and fondness for slapstick comedy. Task Force Omega-16, "That's all, Folks!" is to be present onsite at all times to prevent escape attempts.
Description: SCP-3947 is a collection of 5 rubber duck bath toys. Each SCP-3947 instance possesses a unique design. SCP-3947 instances are sentient and capable of human-like vocalizations in exaggerated accents.
SCP-3947 instances can produce objects commonly used in slapstick cartoons such as frying pans, boxing gloves, and anvils. On several occasions, SCP-3947 instances have shown the ability to temporarily alter their shape, gaining limbs or transforming into objects such as miniature boats or bombs. SCP-3947 instances are capable of using any produced items regardless of size or weight.
Persons or objects subject to violence from SCP-3947 instances suffer no permanent harm. The instances themselves similarly will suffer no permanent damage from the actions of others. In both cases, the affected individuals will suffer painful but not debilitating damage, often involving stretching or large lumps that heal very quickly.
SCP-3947 instances often attempt to escape their chamber in order to commit acts such as theft or assault. No attempt to escape the facility itself has been attempted by SCP-3947 instances.
SCP-3947 instances enjoy smoking cigarettes which is the item they most frequently manifest. SCP-3947 instances have a marked hatred of people who openly express a dislike of slapstick comedy. Instances will actively attempt to steal from and attack such individuals whilst repeatedly insulting them.
Addendum 3947.1: Individual SCP-3947 instance behaviors:

Number designation
Description

SCP-3947-1, The Boss
SCP-3947-1 act as leader of the SCP-3947 instances. SCP-3947-1 does not commit hostile acts itself instead giving commands to the other SCP-3947 instances to do so. SCP-3947-1 speaks in an accent reminiscent of Godfather characters in media. SCP-3947-1 is commonly calm and suave, and is open to interviews or discussion. However, SCP-3947-1 is also prone to bouts of anger, typically when the other SCP-3947 instances fail to complete a task. SCP-3947 wears a tuxedo and has a pencil mustache and combover.

SCP-3947-2, Pinstripes
SCP-3947-2 acts as the strategist and negotiator for the SCP-3947 instances. SCP-3947-2 has displayed much higher intelligence than the remaining instances. SCP-3947-2 rarely uses its reality-altering abilities for purposes beyond creating weapons. SCP-3947-2 will attempt to intimidate people who try to stop SCP-3947 related activities. Intimidation is carried out through threats against one's family or well-being. The instances have yet to fulfill SCP-3947-2's threats. SCP-3947-2's design includes a fedora and pinstripe suit.

SCP-3947-3, Tiny
SCP-3947-3 directly attacks individuals interfering with SCP-3947 related activities. SCP-3947-3 speaks in simple sentences and a seems to lack a basic understanding of math and science. This instance is approximately 1.3x the size of a typical rubber duck. SCP-3947-3's design includes a leather jacket and pompadour.

SCP-3947-4, Natasha
SCP-3947-4 is the only SCP-3947 instance with a female appearance. SCP-3947-4 is capable of disabling Foundation security systems. SCP-3947-4's behavior appears relaxed except when the instance is stealing objects under SCP-3947-1's direction. SCP-3947-4 speaks in a Russian accent. SCP-3947-4's design includes a balaclava and blue dress.

SCP-3947-5, Blasty
SCP-3947-5 will cause havoc separately from other SCP-3947 instances whilst those instances carry out SCP-3947-1's orders. This is generally accomplished through the application of explosives. SCP-3947-5's personality appears incredibly unstable, with the instance laughing or screaming at various times. SCP-3947-5's design includes blast armor.

Addendum 3947.2: SCP-3947-1 Interview

Interviewed: SCP-3947-1
Interviewer: Dr. Carver
Foreword: On 5/7/2009, SCP-3947-1 agreed to a private interview with Dr. Carver, SCP-3947's head researcher
<Begin Log>
Dr. Carver: Before we begin, I'd like to thank you for granting this interview.
SCP-3947-1: Ay, I's not too much of a problem. I'm not da busiest guy in the world, so we can chat fo' howeva long ya'd like!
Dr. Carver: Excellent. On to the matter at hand: Why do you and the rest of the SCP-3947 instances feel a need to commit crimes?
SCP-3947-1: We commit crimes for the same reason you researchers research: We're criminals! Ain't too complicated if you ask me.
Dr. Carver: No, I mean, what are your motives for committing crimes?

SCP-3947-1: Eh, I dunno. I's fun, I guess. It's just always been da thing we do.
Dr. Carver: No motive to speak of at all? Not even greed?
SCP-3947-1: Aw Christ, more of dis mumbo jumbo! Y'know, back in the day, stuff was simple. Us villains didn't need no stinkin' 'motives' or whatever! We did it cause we we're dah bad guys! Not everyone has a complex backstory. You want me ta blab on-and-on about how we were created by something-or-other or just accept that some things exist for da simple pleasures!
Dr. Carver: I think you've made your point clear. Guards, please escort SCP-3947-1 back to it's cell.
(Guards begin escorting SCP-3947-1)
SCP-3947-1: Get 'em, boys!
(2 bowling balls fall from the ceiling, knocking the guards unconscious)
SCP-3947-5: Heheheheee! The idiots b-barely knew what he-he-hit em!
Dr. Carver: (Into radio) SCP-3947 HAS BREACHED CONTAIN-
(SCP-3947-3 strikes Dr. Carver with a frying pan.)
SCP-3947-3: Deh-heh-heh! Take that, nerd-man!
SCP-3947-2: Quit screwin' around, ya dolt! We gots to try and find where the stash is!
SCP-3947-4: Yes. We must go before more guards come. Perhaps we will find vodka this time.

<End Log>
Closing Statement: SCP-3947 instances are not to be allowed out of their cells under any circumstances.

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