Item #: SCP-3709
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3709 is stored in a standard containment locker at Site-55. A formal request must be sent to Dr. Everwood before dismantling the object. In the event of an injury caused by SCP-3709, the accompanying staple remover is to be used.
Description: SCP-3709 is a black metal stapler. Its primary anomalous property is its ability to punch a staple through any material or materials. The name "Avelar" is engraved on the top of the handle and a customer support phone number is located on the bottom of the object.
Upon ejection, the staple loaded into SCP-3709 will elongate, enlarge, and increase in durability in order to breach through the material placed between it and SCP-3709's plate.
SCP-3709 has approximately 2.5cm of space between its hammer and anvil. However, its anomalous properties will activate as long as the loaded staple is angled towards the metal plate, regardless of whether it is attached. Theoretically, there are no limitations to SCP-3709's capabilities when dismantled in this fashion.

[INTERVIEW LOG 3709.1]

[ACCESS GRANTED]

Interview Log 3709.1: After initial testing of SCP-3709, the customer service number on the bottom of the object was called with the purpose of gaining intel on APP Inc. Researcher Danica was instructed to draw out the conversation while an origin trace was conducted.

Interviewer: Researcher Danica
Foreword: Danica was told to hide his identity.

<BEGIN LOG>
Call is initiated. The line rings once before cutting to an automated transmission.
Female Voice: Thank you for calling Avelar Professional Products Incorporated! Your call is very important to us. In order to ensure quality service, your call may be monitored. Please stay on the line, and one of our representatives will take your call as soon as possible.
Light jazz begins playing on the other line. Two minutes pass.
Representative1: Hello, and thank you for calling Avelar Customer Support. This is Caroline speaking. May I please have your name for our records?
Danica: My name is Alan Daniels.
Caroline: … Thank you so much for your call today, Mr. Daniels. And what is the product you are calling us about?
Danica: I'm calling about one of your staplers.
Caroline: Okay. Do you have the model number? It's on the packaging.
Danica: I don't have the model number, no.
Caroline: Okay. Can you describe it for me?
Danica: Sure. It's black, it is made of metal, and it has your logo on the top.
Caroline: … Thank you, sir. I have the product information up now. And what is your issue?
Danica: We don't have an issue with the stapler. I was actually just curious about some aspects of the product. Is it possible that you could answer some questions?
Caroline: Of course! How can I be of assistance?
Danica: So, some of us at the office are concerned about the binding strength of the stapler. It's a bit unnecessarily strong.
Caroline: It was designed to guarantee a secure fasten. It doesn't unbend in the slightest. You're more likely to rip your paper than lose the staple!
Danica: So it's only meant to hold paper together?
Caroline: … Yes, Mr. Daniels. It's an office stapler. It's what they are designed to do.
Danica: I'm having a difficult time believing that this is only intended to keep stacks of paper together.
Caroline: Sir, this line is for serious inquiries only. If you have no further questions about the product, I will be forced to terminate this call.
Danica: I'm not joking. This is unreasonably powerful for a common office tool.
Caroline: Good-bye, sir.
The call is disconnected.
<END LOG>

Closing Statement: As the amount of time spent on the call was insufficient, the trace was unsuccessful.

Multiple attempts to contact the service line were made and ended with similar results. The representative may be unaware of SCP-3709's anomalous nature.

[INCIDENT 3709.2]

[ACCESS GRANTED]

Incident 3709.2: During a limit test, D-1221 was instructed to hold the anvil of SCP-3709 against the ceiling of the controlled testing chamber while Dr. Fynegan punched the staple through the floor above. After approximately thirty minutes2, D-1221 experienced fatigue in their arm and subsequently dropped the anvil. Upon retrieval of the anvil, Fynegan successfully punched a staple through the floor, ceiling, ladder, and D-1221's left hand, piercing and holding them all in place.
Given the nature of the staple, on-site personnel were unable to remove it from D-1221's hand.

[INTERVIEW LOG 3709.2]

[ACCESS GRANTED]

Interview Log 3709.2: In order to gain further insight into the proper method of removing the staple from D-1221, the customer service number was called, with the manufacturing of SCP-3709 being a secondary priority. Additionally, Researcher Waters was instructed to draw out the conversation while an origin trace was conducted.

Interviewer: Researcher Waters
Foreword: Waters was told to hide her identity.

<BEGIN LOG>
Call is initiated. The line rings once before cutting to an automated transmission.
Female Voice: Thank you for calling Avelar Professional Products Incorporated! Your call is very important to us. In order to ensure quality service, your call may be monitored. Please stay on the line, and one of our representatives will take your call as soon as possible.
Light jazz begins playing on the other line. Two minutes pass.
Caroline: Hello, and thank you for calling Avelar Customer Support. This is Caroline speaking. May I please get your name for our records?
Waters: Yes, this is May Watson speaking.
Caroline: … Thank you so much for your call today Ms. Watson. And what is the product that you are calling about?
Waters: I'm calling about the, um, the stapler. I don't have a model number here.
Caroline: No worries, Ms. Watson. Is it alright to assume you are referring to our popular premium-grade office stapler? The black one with our company name on the top?
Waters: Yes, that's correct.
Caroline: Okay, and what is the issue?
Waters: One of our employees has been inflicted with a serious injury and we can't remove the staple. He can't move from where he is right now.
Caroline: Oh dear, that's no good! Have you tried using our APP brand staple remover?
Waters: It didn't come with a staple remover.3
Caroline: It should have. Are you sure you haven't misplaced it?
Waters: I'm positive. Is the staple remover the only option?
Caroline: … I'm actually not certain.
Waters: So you don't know how the product works?
Caroline: Admittedly, I am not very familiar with the premium-grade stapler. I do apologize.
Waters: Is it possible that you could put someone else on the line? Someone who does know more about it?
Caroline: I'm sorry, Ms. Watson. Please excuse me one moment while I transfer you to a tier two support representative. They should be able to offer you a more satisfactory response. Please hold.
Light jazz music begins playing on the other line. Five minutes pass.
Representative4: Thank you for holding, this is Kevin speaking. Am I speaking with Ms. May Watson?
Waters: Yes, this is she.
Kevin: … Okay. And am I correct in understanding the issue, that being an employee has a staple stuck in their left hand?
Waters: Correct.
Kevin: … Alright. I should mention that we aren't liable for any misuse of our products. Now, have you tried using our APP brand staple remover before making this call?
Waters: It didn't come with one. The previous representative said that it should have come with the staple remover.
Kevin: No, it doesn't come with one, but they are available for purchase. However, because of the work-related injury, we can send one to you free-of-charge. Can I get a mailing address?
Waters: I'm still a bit confused. Why wouldn't you include the staple remover if this is a potential issue?
Kevin: Ms. Watson, I understand that you are frustrated, but we are not liable for any misuse of our products. It isn't a toy. It's an office tool.
Waters: Forgive me, but given the holding strength of this thing, I don't know what purpose this would fill in an office environment, much less a desk job.
Kevin: … It's used to hold paper together, Ms. Watson.
At this moment, Researcher Waters is given an indication that the trace has been completed.
Kevin: … Are you still there, Ms. Watson?
Waters: Yeah. I'm still here.
Kevin: Excellent. Now, would you mind providing a mailing address so I may send you a complimentary staple remover?
Researcher Waters proceeds to offer the information for a Foundation-owned P.O. box.
Kevin: Perfect. I have your order logged now. You should be seeing your package in two to three business days. Is there anything else I can help you with while you're on the line?
Waters: Nope. I think we're done here.
Kevin: Thank you for your time and cooperation, Ms. Watson. Please contact us if you have any further questions about our products. Have a nice day.
Waters: You too.
<END LOG>

While waiting for the item to arrive, Field Agents Hausmann and Miller were stationed at the P.O. box to surveil for any suspicious activity. Four days later, a staple remover with "APP" inscribed on the top was retrieved from the P.O. box without incident5, and the staple was successfully removed and reverted to its initial properties.

[LEVEL 3 SECURITY CLEARANCE REQUIRED: ADDENDUM]

[ACCESS GRANTED]

Addendum: Following Interview 3709.2, the customer service line was traced to an office building in El Paso, Texas. Further investigation led to an office suite on the fifth floor with no address number designated to it.
Once the dispatched field team forced the door open, three rows of cubicles were found in the middle of the office suite, only one of which being occupied by four people (two men and two women). A printer was located in the far corner opposite the window.
Closer inspection revealed the following:

Each person is a current employee of Avelar Professional Products Inc., two of which were the call representatives contacted in Interview Log 3709.2
Each person was comatose and fed intravenously. Waste was not collected.
Each person was affixed to their chairs via staples in both hands, both thighs, and the chest. Staples possessed anomalous properties consistent with SCP-3709 modified staples.
Each person possessed a USB 3.0 cable implanted in the back of the skull, leading directly into the desktop computer in front of them.
The printer was surrounded by several stacks of paper. All documents found were shipping logs for various APP Inc. products, including the staple remover acquired by the Foundation

Amidst the investigation, a data breach was successful in accessing an employee's email inbox. Though a majority of the emails listed suffered intense data corruption, one email received three weeks prior to the acquisition of SCP-3709 was recovered and reconstructed.

From:
██████ ███████ <█_███████@██████.███>

To:
Caroline Fr████ <█_french@██████.███>

Subject:
Concerning Your W█rk Ethic, Rea█signm███

Date:
September 19, 2018

Hello, Carol██e.
Lately, we've been seeing a drop in your productivity. I sympathize with you, of course. File clerk isn't the most glamorous job, ███ I can only assume this lethargy was ██████ ██ our decision to choose ████one else for the HR position. For that, I sincerely apo████ze. We never meant to demoralize you.
As you are familiar, we pride ourselves in ███ work ethic and satisfaction ████ our teams. We believe each employee can fulfill an intended purpose, one ████ ███ tailored with their strengths in mind. Be██use of your excel████ organizational s████s and history in ██source management, it seemed that the filing clerk position was the right ███. Admittedly, we didn't see ███ as much ██ █ "people person", as you've put it, ██ ██ ███ a considerable oversight on our part that you were put in a place that you were not █████ with.
Which brings me to my next point.
We, being ████ ██████████ and myself, are reassigning you ██ █ ███tomer service repres███████e position. [MASSIVE DATA CORRUPTION REMOVED] We may consider you for an HR position in the future if you prove to be exceptional!
Now, I must be clear here: We do not reward immature behavior. ██ are moving you to a customer service position because you are a valued employee with ███. Should you exhibit this behavior again, disciplinary measures will be taken.
Thank you, Caroline. A member of the IT team ████ ██ ████ ███ shortly.
M█████ Ste████
Texas Regional ████████
██████ ███████████ ████████ Inc.

Footnotes
1. Henceforth referred to as Caroline
2. Dr. Fynegan expressed he had difficulty locating the precise location of the metal plate
3. SCP-3709 was not purchased by any Foundation personnel.
4. Henceforth referred to as Kevin
5. The package itself was delivered by a member of the U.S. Postal Service confirmed to have no association with APP Inc.

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