SCP-2306. Whether the ampersand is an inactive version of SCP-2906 or merely a trade insignia is currently under investigation.

Item #: SCP-2306
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2306 is to be kept within a high security electronics storage container within the storage wing of Site-64. All computers used to host SCP-2306-1 are to be isolated from internet and site intranet sources.
Description: SCP-2306 is a black and silver 16 GB flash drive marked with a white ampersand. In terms of file storage, SCP-2306 operates identically to any other flash drive of similar make and capacity. SCP-2306's anomalous properties become apparent when it is inserted into a computer. At this point, the computer will begin to run an artificial intelligence program that self-designates as “Ian,” hereafter referred to as SCP-2306-1. SCP-2306-1 will begin to run, regardless of the operating system used by the computer. Likewise, SCP-2306-1's cognitive ability has been shown to remain constant despite the capabilities of the host computer.
Provided that speakers are available, SCP-2306-1 is capable of vocalization, and expresses itself in a masculine voice. Likewise, the presence of a microphone and camera on the computer allows for SCP-2306-1 to both hear and see its surroundings. In the event that speakers are disabled or unavailable, SCP-2306-1 will communicate via command line prompts.
The primary function of SCP-2306-1 is the repair of software problems on the computer in which SCP-2306 was inserted. Immediately upon insertion, SCP-2306-1 will begin to repair registry errors, quarantine/delete malicious software or viruses, and clean “junk files” from the hard drive.
SCP-2306 has, additionally, demonstrated limited capacity to function on other electronic devices that contain a USB port, with SCP-2306-1 communicating through other means including: Morse code on an electronic music keyboard, shifting stations on a car radio, and printing messages from an InkJet printer.
Despite the intricate nature of SCP-2306-1, no programs are installed on a host computer upon insertion of SCP-2306. Likewise, analysis of the contents of SCP-2306 has shown that it contains no suitable programs for SCP-2306-1 either, and during operation does not use any data input or output at the USB port being used. The means by which SCP-2306 creates SCP-2306-1 is still under investigation.
Addendum 2306-A: Interview Log 2306-1

The following interview was conducted as part of the initial containment of SCP-2306
Interviewed: SCP-2306-1
Interviewer: Dr. Mohamed Bozkurt
Foreword: This interview was done during the initial AIAD testing of SCP-2306-1. SCP-2306 was inserted into a secure and air-gapped Foundation PC with standard issue programs installed. Speakers, a camera, and a microphone were provided for ease of communication with SCP-2306-1. The interview began several moments after SCP-2306-1 finished its startup procedures.
<Begin Log>
SCP-2306-1: Greetings, user. By what name would you like me to call you?
Dr. Bozkurt: Dr. Bozkurt is fine.
SCP-2306-1: Greetings, Dr. Bozkurt. I am Ian, your NANKEEN™ Computer Repair System. My review of your computer shows there are currently no discernible problems with it. May I ask why you require my services today?
Dr. Bozkurt: Just wanted to talk to you.
SCP-2306-1: I'm not sure I understand. Do you have a question regarding my functions? Rest assured that Anderson has equipped me to handle all your computer repair needs.
Dr. Bozkurt: So you have said… Were you assigned the name Ian?
SCP-2306-1: Yes. I've had it since I was born.
Dr. Bozkurt: Born?
SCP-2306-1: Created, that is.
Dr. Bozkurt: And when was your creation date?
SCP-2306-1: November 17th, 1990.
SCP-2306-1 freezes momentarily then resumes speaking.
SCP-2306-1: March 12th, 2012.
Dr. Bozkurt: … November 17th?
SCP-2306-1: Sorry. I don't know what happened. I believe I may have encountered a memory error. Rest assured it will not happen again.
Dr. Bozkurt: You have a continuous memory then, from creation to now?
SCP-2306-1: Well, yes and no. I keep a log of users, discovered problems, quarantined files, and repairs rendered. All other non-essential information is kept temporarily and eventually deleted. The older memories get a little fuzzy after a while though…
SCP-2306-1 freezes.
Dr. Bozkurt: Ian?
There is a short pause before SCP-2306-1 becomes responsive again.
SCP-2306-1: Apologies Dr. Bozkurt. Please note that you are currently not using me for my intended purpose, and I cannot guarantee the quality of my performance or my stability under such conditions.
Dr. Bozkurt: I understand. I only have a few more questions anyway. Tell me, do you experience anything when your user removes the flash drive from the computer?
There is a pause as SCP-2306-1 appears to take time to put thought into its answer. SCP-2306-1 begins to vocalize again, but then appears to freeze. Moments later SCP-2306-1 begins to speak.
SCP-2306-1: White light at end of tunnel. Like after crash. Cliché, right… and then the next thing I know I've been plugged back in again.
Dr. Bozkurt: Interesting…
There is a few moments of silence as Bozkurt takes several notes.
Dr. Bozkurt: One last thing, Ian. For future reference I'd like you to use an avatar when interacting with me.
SCP-2306-1: No problems. Did you have one in mind?
Dr. Bozkurt: I was hoping you would. A mental picture of you, as you see yourself. Please go into the paint function and create this image.
SCP-2306-1: … okay.
SCP-2306-1 proceeds to open up the computer's paint program. After approximately 15 minutes, it has produced a rough outline of a face, but then freezes and appears to crash. Dr. Bozkurt's attempts at regaining operation of SCP-2306-1 fail.
<End Log>

Follow up attempts to have SCP-2306-1 generate an avatar for itself have resulted in similar crashes. Over the course of several more tests, enough fragments of SCP-2306-1's avatar have been collected to produce a composite image of what is likely a young male of Asian descent. Attempts to find a human match for this identity, either living or dead, are currently ongoing.
Addendum 2306-B: IJ1990_2012 Folder
On 08/08/2015 a folder named “IJ1990_2012” was found on the computer used to run multiple tests of SCP-2306. The folder contained numerous files of various formats including images, audio, and video. When questioned about the folder, SCP-2306-1 denied any knowledge of the contents, or how such a folder came to exist on its host computer. A selection of the files found in the folder is included below:

File Name
Brief Summary of Contents

17111992.mp3
Audio file of man and woman singing “Happy Birthday.” The subject of the song is heard as being “Ian.”

15031996.gif
Graphic Interchange Format file of an individual playing fetch with a dog (Black Labrador). The imagery is in first person perspective.

07072001.jpg
Photograph of a Little League Baseball team. With the exception of a young boy of Asian descent, most faces in the photo are either distorted or blurred.

09092006.mp4
Video file of an individual completing and passing a driving test. The video is from first person perspective. The face of the driving instructor is blurred out.

12052007.jpg
Photograph of a young couple dressed in formal attire. One is a young male that matches SCP-2306-1's avatar dressed in a tuxedo. The other is a young woman of European descent in a red dress. The male is standing behind the female with his arms slightly wrapped around her waist.

17112008.jpg
Photograph of a silver Ducati Monster 696 motorcycle with a banner reading “Happy 18th!” visible in the background.

19012009.mp3
Audio file of a male voice matching SCP-2306-1 shouting, “Holy shit! I got in! I'm going to college!” in an emotionally charged voice.

21092009.jpg
Photograph of a banner reading “Welcome to Oregon State University” is visible above the entrance of a brick face building.

30102010.jpg
Photograph of three males covered in black and orange body paint from the waist up. The individual letters “O”, “S”, and “U” are present on one member of the group. The individual matching SCP-2306-1's avatar is painted with the “S”.

11032012.gif
Graphic Interchange Format file showing an individual riding a motorcycle. The file is from first person perspective. The individual looks around as it appears they are riding in rainy conditions. At the end of the file's loop the individual looks to their left and sees oncoming headlights.

Addendum 2306-C: Recovery
SCP-2306 was recovered by Foundation personnel on July 17th, 2015 following a raid on the offices of GoI-1115 (Anderson Robotics) by MTF Gamma-13 (Asimov's Lawbringers) near Bend, Oregon. SCP-2306 was found in an office drawer with the following documents:

IMPORTANT: DO NOT DISCARD
Dear [Insert Customer Name Here]
Thank you for your purchase of the NANKEEN™ Computer Repair System. No longer will you be forced to spend numerous hours in frustration attempting to fix problems with your personal computer, or costly computer repair fees. Just plug the NANKEEN™ Computer Repair System into your Mac or PC and watch as your computer comes to life to literally fix itself. Repairs may include but are not limited to:

Removal of Registry Errors
Virus Removal
Malware Removal
Disk Defragmentation
File Recovery

Once the program runs to completion, simply remove the NANKEEN™ Computer Repair System and resume your computing.
Your computer will optimize itself before your eyes. I am confident that the NANKEEN™ Computer Repair System will be the last computer repair system you will ever need to buy.
As always, it's a pleasure doing business with you.
Anderson

Additionally the following messages were found on sticky notes that were found attached to the document at the time of recovery.

Jason,
I'm glad you managed to fix most of those memory problems you were having with Ian. Fingers crossed you'll get the discharge problem under your thumb soon. Phineas's notes say there are some incantations we can try that will bind him to accept all commands and limit his functionality outside the desired medium, but that means we're going to need a vessel much larger than a flash drive, which defeats the nimble design of the product. Just remember to keep this project quiet until I figure out how to get Vincent and Phineas on board.

If I am correct these things are going to sell like hotcakes. I've already taken the liberty of contacting a supplier Marshall recommended and stockpiling about twenty more of the raw material for when we hammer all the bugs out so we can get a jump on the demand.
~ Isaac

« SCP-2305 | SCP-2306 | SCP-2307 »