SCP-2337

Item #: SCP-2337
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2337 is to be kept in a standard avian habitat cell with soundproofing. Personnel are required to wear level 3B 5A 7A 26M ear protection while handling SCP-2337. Transportation for SCP-2337 is to be carried out using a portable soundproof crate.
Though SCP-2337 has no need of nutrition, gummy worms1 are to be provided upon request, and not restricted as a reward for good behavior. Due to SCP-2337's poor grasp of cause and effect, punishments and rewards will inevitably result in frustration on part of involved personnel.
As of 12/5/14, all staff are advised to not attempt to emulate SCP-2337's speech patterns in its presence, and are assured that SCP-2337 understands some degree of human English.
Description: SCP-2337 is a male corn crake2. It is sapient, sentient, and capable of speech. All of its vocalizations are extremely loud, with a minimum observed volume of 90 dB and a maximum of [REDACTED]. Though this can and has caused damage to personnel's hearing, SCP-2337 is oblivious of its ability and is generally friendly with Foundation personnel.
SCP-2337's vocalizations take the form of a language tangentially related to English. It often appears to be word salad, but, upon closer inspection, can have meaning in English through a series of vague innuendos, metaphors, rhyme, and arbitrary insertions of the word "cack". As such, SCP-2337 will answer to the name "Dr. Spanko."
Initial reports of SCP-2337 came from unusual noises from a field near ████████, Sussex, UK, which led to its capture in the same area. Upon containment, SCP-2337 appeared to take hostile action against Foundation personnel, emitting blasts of noise that ruptured the eardrums of 3 agents. Upon later examination, it was revealed that SCP-2337 was attempting to make friendly conversation.
Addendum: Since the containment of SCP-2337, several sapient creatures contained by the Foundation have displayed knowledge of its existence and have expressed interest in a meeting with SCP-2337. The reason for this has yet to be fully understood, though it is believed that SCP-2337 has some sort of status as an authority figure to several particularly dangerous beings. Keter reclassification has been proposed for this reason, but is currently denied due to SCP-2337's apparent cooperation with the Foundation.

+ Interview with SCP-2337, 12/5/14

- encryption key accepted

Dr. ██████: Please state your name for the record.Dr. ██████: Thank you.Dr. ██████: Listen, SCP-2337 -
SCP-2337 draws a prolonged gasp.Dr. ██████: - You seem to have a pre-established relationship of sorts with several of the more dangerous creatures in our custody.Dr. ██████: Yes. Please elaborate on the exact nature of this relationship.Dr. ██████: Please repeat that statement in the dialect used by the Foundation.SCP-2337 begins yodeling for three consecutive minutes.
Dr. ██████: Please discontinue yodeling.Dr. ██████: We need you to cooperate and explain your answer in a coherent way.Dr. ██████: You're not hearing me, are you?Dr. ██████: "…cack?"Dr. ██████: "Snackutations Doctor Spanko, cack! You am authoritater? Explainerate."
SCP-2337 begins "cacking" angrily, then proceeds to climb up to Dr. ██████'s face and attempt to peck his eyes out. SCP-2337 is quickly sedated with a tranquilizer dart and Dr. ██████ suffers only minor scratches. This has been noted the only time that SCP-2337 has displayed hostility.

Footnotes
1. SCP-2337 calls them "stranglefruits."
2. Crex crex

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