recursal/SCP-RECURSAL huggingface dataset:
Item #: SCP-2482
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2482 is kept in Special Object Locker #37 in the Safe-class sector of Site 17. This locker is outfitted with a dehumidifier, which is to keep the ambient humidity within the locker to less than 1%. Water is not to be introduced to SCP-2482 outside of testing conditions. All affected liquids are kept in watertight storage drums in Laboratory #14 prior to use in testing. All personnel handling SCP-2482 are to wear whole-body coverings at all times, including gloves and facial shields.
Description: SCP-2482 is a set of 24 toy water-guns, composed of translucent green plastic. Any water that passes through their nozzles gains an iridescent quality, although the chemical composition remains unchanged to all analyses. When this liquid makes contact with the skin of any chordate animal, it will be absorbed rapidly and stain the area of contact iridescent turquoise, regardless of the normal permeability or coloration of the skin contacted.
Within 30 minutes of making contact with the liquid, the affected animal will begin displaying signs of extreme pruritus (itching) at the point of contact. The pruritic patch will increase in area over the course of no more than 24 hours to encompass the entire body, including the eyes, mucous membranes, and internal organs. Brain imaging and autopsy results have determined that almost all somatosensory nerves, consisting of those that sense touch, temperature, pain, and proprioception, are reinterpreted by the brain as being itch sensors. Unless otherwise restrained, affected animals and D-class personnel will scratch themselves constantly, frequently to the point of removing epidermal tissues and excavating bone from areas with high densities of somatosensory nerve clusters.
Water affected by SCP-2482 retains its full effect in both frozen and vapor forms, up to a 50% dilution. Once this dilution has been achieved, the affected water abruptly loses all anomalous properties and is indistinguishable from non-anomalous water.
All instances of SCP-2482 were recovered from the attendees of a birthday party for a 9 years-old male in the town of █████████, TX, USA, where they had been passed out as party favors. 14 children and 3 adults were affected prior to acquisition and reported to local hospitals over the course of 5 days, as their symptoms became intolerable. This unusual cluster of identical symptoms triggered Foundation database scanners embedded at the Centers for Disease Control, and the Foundation was able to suppress a response from the CDC before it could investigate. One adult self-terminated before the remainder of the affected individuals were detained and placed in secure Foundation custody.

« SCP-2481 | SCP-2482 | SCP-2483 »
SCP-2524 during a test.

Item #: SCP-2524
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2524 is to be stored in a standard Safe-class item locker outfitted with additional protection against heat and fire.
Description: SCP-2524 is a large, red, scented candle composed of standard paraffin wax. As of this writing, SCP-2524 is approximately 30 centimeters tall. SCP-2524 burns at a rate of approximately 0.5 centimeters per hour when lit. SCP-2524's odor resembles burning wood.
When a living human being's shadow is cast by SCP-2524's flame, the shadow appears as if the human subject casting the shadow were instead a life-sized marionette puppet resembling the subject in size and build. These shadows approximately recreate the movements of the subject as closely as is mechanically possible for a marionette puppet.
The strings of the marionettes are visible and converge to a single point directly above SCP-2524. Occasionally, a small circle is also visible at the convergence point, pulsating slowly.
SCP-2524 was recovered from a fairground in Bibb County, Georgia, where it was in the possession of Shaun Mathies, a widower and fortune teller. During interviews, Mathies stressed the extreme sentimental importance of SCP-2524 to him but refused to elaborate on its purpose or origin. Mathies was released following a full amnestics regimen.
Sample analysis indicates that the anomalous effects originate from the candle wick. The wax has been determined to be non-anomalous.
Addendum: Incidents
Marionette shadows created by SCP-2524 have on several occasions acted outside of typical parameters for imitation of their human counterparts. Examples are listed below.
01/11/97: Shadow of an agent testing SCP-2524 raises a prop gun horizontally and pulls the trigger, releasing a small flag on a pole from the barrel. Subject was stationary and did not raise his firearm. After approximately two seconds of holding the gun up, the shadow lowers its arm.
01/11/97: Shadow of a D-Class subject raises arms when the subject themselves are seated in a reclined position. The arms are still for a second before waving rhythmically for six additional seconds.
05/11/97: During a test to observe idle movement of shadows using two still subjects, one shadow is observed to make a motion as if scratching its head, and several minutes later both shadows shake hands.
08/11/97: The shadow of a testing D-Class begins moving its arms as if performing a popular modern imitation of Egyptian cultural dance. Subject notices shadow's movements and begins to quickly pace around the testing room in an attempt to flee the shadow. Shadow follows subject on foot while still performing the dance with arms.
10/11/97: Shadow of agent raises gun as in first incident, this time towards an additional shadow of a second subject. The gun is apparently fired and the second shadow reacts by exaggeratedly feigning death and falling over. Second subject is without shadow for duration of test. At conclusion of test, faint, childish laughter can be heard emanating from string convergence point on ceiling.

« SCP-2523 | SCP-2524 | SCP-2525 »
Item #: SCP-2527
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: Outside of testing periods, SCP-2527-1 is to be contained in a reinforced steel containment crate, 4m cubic, on the side of the testing field at Site-59. Testing is to be carried out only as ordered by the Site Director.
SCP-2527-2 is to be kept in a computer in an operations room behind three security doors with separate passwords. Access is strictly prohibited outside of testing periods. When not in use for testing, the computer containing SCP-2527-2 is to be shut down and unplugged.
Description: SCP-2527-1 is a 2m high stone statue of a Lamassu.1 It is inert by default; however, depending on the commands entered into SCP-2527-2, SCP-2527-1 is capable of:

Movement by means of instantaneous materialization into the center of a 3m x 3m space directly before, behind, or to the left and right of itself,
Incinerating organic material,
Destruction of walls and other obstructions by means of a shockwave from an indeterminate source,
Spontaneous generation of flowers and other plant life within its 3m x 3m square of influence, and
Spontaneous impregnation of any available uterus within its square of influence with a smaller stone Lamassu.

SCP-2527-2 is a Commodore 64 text adventure game titled "Massy's Big Chance," used as a means to control the actions of SCP-2527-1. Box art of the game included the description: "Congratulaton!!! You are MASSY and became a GOD. Now go fort and establis your domonion!!!!"
SCP-2527-2 Log: SCP-2527-1 capabilities against human subjects2

MASSYS BIG CHANCE
VER 1.02
TOTLEIGH SOFTWARE CORPORATION

Massy awaken to disover he is in box. 
There is LIGHT come into box from NORTH because ENTRANCE. 
Massy is anxiety to do GOD things. 
What do?

> go north

Massy go NORTH! 
Out of box now. 
Sees one D-3515 and D-5992 to NORTH diretly. 
There is GRASS below.

> go north

Massy go NORTH! 
Weight of Massy CRUSH D-5992. 
D-3515 exclaim loudly. 
Punish D-3515 is possible.

> burn d-3515

SKIN BURNS! 
Screms are loud. 
Long live MASSY! 
D-3515 rolls on floor.

> burn d-3515

FIRE INTENTS! 
Burning is multiple. 
D-3515 screams profuse.

> smite d-3515

WAVE OF ENERGY! 
Breaks apart D-3515. 
Long live MASSY! 
To the in the front of you Massy sees walls to distant 
NORTH, EAST, and WEST. 
Behind, wall to SOUTH, as well as BOX.
What do? 
Suggest, leave walls?

> go south 2

Massy RETURN to BOX. 
It is not recommended that Massy STAY. 
Gods have much work doing.

> quit

Are you sure you?

> y

Thank you. Progess save.

Footnotes
1. Assyrian mythological deity with the head of a bearded human, the body of a lion, and wings
2. Two D-class personnel, D-3515 and D-5992

« SCP-2526 | SCP-2527 | SCP-2528 »
Personnel collecting instances of SCP-2537 (photo by Agent Novi)

Item #: SCP-2537
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: Captured instances of SCP-2537 are to be contained in separate standard humanoid containment chambers within Site-44. The detection and detainment of SCP-2537 is currently assigned to MTF Beta-13 ("Over Troubled Waters").
Description: SCP-2537 is a type of anomalous humanoid capable of transmogrifying into a clay brick. Transmogrification can be initiated at will and takes approximately three seconds to complete. On nights with a full moon, should an instance of SCP-2537 see the moon it will transmogrify regardless of its intent. Witnessing SCP-1812 results in a similar forced change.
SCP-2537 are able to convert humans into additional instances via bludgeoning to the victim's head while in a brick state, though the exact force required for successful conversion is currently unknown. This generally requires teamwork between multiple instances, or a single instance throwing itself from a vantage point and transmogrifying mid-fall. However, due to the nature of it, attempted conversions often result in the death of the victim. Instances experience no compulsion to bludgeon humans.
Damage sustained while in a brick state carries over to the instance's humanoid form and vice versa. Sustaining significant structural damage in brick form seems to terminate an instance, and it will remain in brick form. Neither form displays anomalous strength or durability, making infecting humans mildly dangerous due to possible damage from the accelerated impacts.

Photograph taken during discovery

Prior to nights featuring the second new moon of the month, all instances will attempt to gather at a single river or stream. Whether this qualifies as anomalous compulsion in a humanoid or instinct in an anomalous humanoid is currently under debate. During these gatherings, SCP-2537 will arrange themselves and non-anomalous bricks into a bridge using secretions of mortar that have only been seen during gathering periods. Upon the moon setting, the mortar will liquefy and dissolve, and the instances will disperse.
While the bridge is being built, the opposite riverbank will gradually alter in appearance. This phenomenon is only visible from the riverside the bridge begins on. It is unknown what would occur if SCP-2537 instances were to successfully complete the bridge.

« SCP-2536 | SCP-2537 | SCP-2538 »
SCP-2539

Item #: SCP-2539
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2539 has been closed under the provisional cover story of maintenance. Foundation security personnel have been assigned to monitor and intercept civilians attempting to access SCP-2539.
Description: SCP-2539 is a 3.1 kilometer stretch of road located near Rhodehampton, New South Wales. Individuals who attempt to traverse SCP-2539 in a motor vehicle will disappear after having travelled five hundred meters, and later reappear at the other end of SCP-2539 between seven and eight hours later. After returning, said individuals typically show signs of severe dehydration and heatstroke, even when provided adequate supplies to prevent this.
Those affected by SCP-2539's primary anomaly report having travelled down SCP-2539 for the full duration of their disappearance: all reports involve them stopping for a figure named "Miriam Wells". Descriptions of its appearance match that of highway patrol officer Miriam Wells, who disappeared in late 2009 on a routine patrol. She is usually described as wearing civilian clothes and attempting to ask subjects for directions.
In a minority of observed cases, subjects report being able to convince the woman to join them in their vehicle. All such subjects later find a piece of heavily scorched and decomposed human flesh in the storage compartment of their vehicle. The source of this is unknown.

« SCP-2538 | SCP-2539 | SCP-2540 »
Item #: SCP-2569
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2569 is stored in an unpowered state in a standard secure locker at Site-15. Experimentation with SCP-2569 may only be performed with prior authorization from Level 3 security personnel and may only be performed in a prepared testing chamber. When powered on, no more than one (1) personnel may be within the 5 meter Red Zone of SCP-2569 except with prior medical clearance and Level 3 Senior Researcher authorization.
Description: SCP-2569 is a "Lava Lite" decorative lamp manufactured by the Lava Manufacturing Company circa 1968, and is composed of materials consistent with other Lava Lite lamps produced during that period of time. SCP-2569 is distinguishable from similar appliances by its unusual mass (which is approximately 21% higher than normal) and lack of an opaque wax solution which normally gives such lamps their distinctive appearance. The words "we are all blod [sic] relatives" have also been inscribed onto the base using pink glitter glue.
When SCP-2569 is powered on, a small amount of blood (approximately 5 mL per minute) is drawn through unknown means from the aorta of all living human subjects within approximately 4 meters and into the glass vessel of the object. This continues until the mass of blood present within SCP-2569 reaches the volume of wax that is normally present within such lamps, after which blood continues to be drawn, but an equal amount is returned to the superior vena cava of all affected subjects at an equal rate. Due to the heating of the lamp, affected subjects report feeling an unusual but not uncomfortable warmth within their chest after SCP-2569 reaches its cyclical state. When SCP-2569 is disconnected from power, all blood contained within it will return to its affected subjects at its normal rate of flow, regardless of distance. It is not known why blood drawn into SCP-2569 behaves as the normal wax mixture does, regardless of the difference in chemical composition.
SCP-2569 came to the Foundation's attention in 2004 during a police investigation of an incident in which a young couple discovered SCP-2569 while searching in the attic of the husband's deceased parents' home. From post-incident interviews, it was determined that they had found SCP-2569 among the parents' stored possessions and had powered on the object to test whether it still functioned. The female subject was determined via medical records to have Type AB-positive blood type; the male subject was determined to be of Type O-negative, and he died of massive acute hemolytic reactions to his wife's blood leading to acute renal failure and cardiac arrest. All witnesses were administered a Class A amnestic and the official cause of death falsified under standard disinformation protocols; a search of the home turned up no additional anomalies.

« SCP-2568 | SCP-2569 | SCP-2570 »
Item #: SCP-2582
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2582 is contained in its original place of discovery. The business has since been retrofitted with standard containment procedures. SCP-2582 is unable to be moved and a secure perimeter has been set up around its center of effect. The area inside of the store has been partitioned, and the perimeter is monitored by surveillance cameras. Two armed guards with concealed weapons and incapacitating agents must be posted in the inside front of the main entrance at all times.
Description: SCP-2582 is a phenomenon taking place in an area roughly encompassing the men's restroom at a sports bar in Raleigh, North Carolina that causes individuals to visualize a static, circular, and flat grey surface in their mind. All human subjects placed in the area report immediately seeing this image when their eyes are closed. The image is also reportedly visible in dreams, superimposed over their typical dream. Those subjects placed for testing report the surface of SCP-2582 to be a specific size; commonly reported is the object covering roughly two thirds of their ‘mind's eye'.
Subjects will sometimes hear the sound of human speech, shuffling noises, drills, bandsaws, objects being moved, and most commonly the sound of whistling. This effect is designated as SCP-2582-A and manifests as long as there is an individual in SCP-2582's area of effect. An outside observer can hear the noise if adjacent to SCP-2582 and otherwise unaffected by SCP-2582's primary effect. The voice of SCP-2582-A sounds as if it belongs to an elderly man.
Addendum A: Upon Testing Event 045 the object is awaiting reclassification and revision of effects.
Test Event 2582-045:

Dr. Breen: Please close your eyes and tell me what you see.
D10293: Woah. It's just like you said. It's round and grey.
Dr. Breen: Nothing else you can tell me?
D10293: It's big. Woah. That's nuts!
Whistling is heard in the room.
Dr. Breen: Anything else?
D10293: Nah doc… Well, well wait. There's a little circle inside of the big circle.
Dr. Breen: Interesting. Please continue.
D10293: Woah. The big circle is getting smaller. The little circle is the same size.
Dr. Breen: …
D10293: Big circle is getting smaller… Little circle is the same size. Wait bigger-
An extremely loud metallic tapping noise is heard in the room, sounds of an elderly man humming.
D10293 begins screaming loudly.
D10293: What the fuck!
An extremely loud crash is heard in the room. A large, pointed, cylindrical gray object similar in appearance to a nail erupts out of the center of D10293's forehead.
The object wiggles and recedes back into D10293's skull.

Researcher's Notes: The object appears to have extended from and severed the pineal gland. I and other presiding researchers are of the opinion that there is a hammer somewhere that we need to locate.

« SCP-2581 | SCP-2582 | SCP-2583 »
Item #: SCP-2583
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2583 is kept in a hermetically sealed steel room measuring 4 meters on a side. This room is to only be accessible by an airlock system outfitted with multiple air purification systems, in order to minimize the introduction of additional particulates to the containment chamber. Any personnel entering the chamber must wear BSL-4 biohazard suits in order to not provide shed hair or skin cells to SCP-2583. The chamber is to be connected to a capacitor bank capable of briefly electrifying the interior surfaces of the chamber as needed for deterrence purposes.
0.25 kilograms of dust and fine sand measuring 35-50 microns in size are allowed in the chamber, for use by SCP-2583. The interior is monitored using fiber optic cameras embedded in the walls, ceiling, and floor, so as to record as much detail as possible of the structures created by SCP-2583.
Description: SCP-2583 is a mobile, sentient structure made of dust. Its baseline form masses 1.7 grams and measures 3.7 centimeters in height. Its form is somewhat indistinct due to its composition, but is roughly humanoid, with four strands of dust representing limbs extending from a central strand which terminates in a spheroid made of dust.1
SCP-2583 is able to manipulate electrostatic charges up to 1 meter from it via unknown means in order to create other structures made of dust and fine granular substances. This ability is capable of affecting particles up to 100 microns in size, with a preference for particles in the range of 20-50 microns in size. Structures have been observed to extend up to 3.1 meters in freestanding height. Structures created by SCP-2583 are extremely resistant to deformation by outside forces and individual strands of dust or other particulates possess a tensile strength approximately 250 times greater than that of spider silk. The electrostatic charges maintaining these structures can be disrupted by a brief electric pulse.
SCP-2583 was initially observed to only create the frameworks of simple geometric structures such as cones, pyramids, and cubes, but has progressed to more complex structures since being contained. Current structures include complex three-dimensional fractals, replicas of the building in which it was initially discovered, and humanoids with the same body plan as itself.
When creating a humanoid, SCP-2583 typically spends triple the time creating it as it would spend on creating another structure of comparable size. Once it has completed a humanoid, it will remain within 10 centimeters of it for between 20 and 30 hours, after which it will negate the electrostatic charges keeping the humanoid together. SCP-2583 separates the remains of these humanoid structures and does not reuse the dust. To date, none of the humanoids created by SCP-2583 have displayed independent mobility.

Footnotes
1. Similarity between SCP-2583 and SCP-1352 has been noted. Investigation into whether the two phenomena are variations of the same effect, or if one propagated the other, is ongoing.

« SCP-2582 | SCP-2583 | SCP-2584 »
Item #: SCP-2584
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: Five instances of SCP-2584 are to be kept in a warm, dry enclosure of appropriate size in the Parazoology wing of Area-12. When an instance of SCP-2584 undergoes binary fission, one of the offspring is to be euthanized and disposed of.
Description: SCP-2584 is a species of snake that has been classified Oxyuranus ouroboros. SCP-2584 is closely related to the species Oxyuranus microlepidotus, from the genes of which it may have been engineered. SCP-2584 is solid brown in coloration, and approximately 7cm to 10cm in thickness.
SCP-2584 has no head or tail as its body forms a continuous closed loop. Otherwise, SCP-2584's tissue and anatomy is completely normal, save for its circular spine, circulatory system, and digestive tract. SCP-2584 is able to achieve locomotion, but has no brain, sense of sight, hearing, taste or smell, and thus is only capable of reflexive movements to flee from danger after injury or move towards warmer areas. Otherwise, instances tend to remain still or spin in place.
As SCP-2584 can neither eat nor breathe, the source of SCP-2584's energy is unknown. The digestive tract of SCP-2584 cycles the same matter continuously, but is somehow able to gain metabolic energy with each cycle without expending any of the nutrients. SCP-2584 grows in length at a rate of approximately 1.4cm per week, and the contents of its digestive system have been found to increase in proportion to its size.
When SCP-2584 reaches a length of around 220cm, it undergoes asexual reproduction. The process begins with SCP-2584 spasming to cause half of its body to form a half twist, assuming a figure eight posture. Then, over the course of 2-3 days, the overlapping portions of SCP-2584's body will shed its scales and dermal layers at the place of contact, and eventually become adjoined. Finally, over the course of 7-9 days, the internal anatomy of the adjoined area will modify to form two distinct loops, and SCP-2584 will separate into two distinct organisms of half the length. This reproduction takes place approximately once every eighteen months. As this method of reproduction introduces no genetic variation, all instances of SCP-2584 are clones.
Addendum 2584-1: Due to SCP-2584's abundance, harmlessness, and ease of maintenance, the Department of Parazoology has decided to allow a limited number of Area-12 personnel to apply to obtain instances of SCP-2584 to keep as on-site pets. Owners must properly enclose and supervise their instances, turn in one of the offspring upon fission, and promptly report any unusual behavior. This is a privilege that may be revoked without warning at any time.
Addendum 2584-2: On 7 Nov 2014, Dr. Jept reported that his pet SCP-2584 was reproducing strangely. The specimen was returned to the Parazoology wing for observation. After division was complete, it was clear that the two daughter specimen underwent fission in such a way that they ended up linked. Both specimens were kept alive for study.

« SCP-2583 | SCP-2584 | SCP-2585 »
Item #: SCP-2605
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2605 is to be kept in a standard humanoid containment cell. SCP-2605 possesses the standard nutritional requirements for a non-anomalous human of comparable age and condition, and is to be fed and maintained appropriately. When it is necessary that SCP-2605 be moved, the subject should be rendered unconscious through the application of sedatives to its food source.
Description: SCP-2605 is a human female formerly known as ███ ██████. The subject suffers from symptoms associated with Lewy body dementia, including memory loss and visual hallucinations. SCP-2605 finds movement difficult without aid and spends the majority of its time confined to its bed.
Instances of SCP-2605-1 are apparently massless, air-displacing entities which manifest in the immediate vicinity (~5 meters) of SCP-2605 concurrent with the subject's hallucinations. SCP-2605-1 instances have an internal temperature of approximately 51 degrees Celsius. Infrared imaging has revealed a consistent shape similar to an adult human male of 1.8 meters in height. Instances can physically interact with objects around them, typically performing actions such as fluffing the pillows or stroking the face of SCP-2605. Instances of SCP-2605-1 are universally non-hostile and disappear with an audible clap upon the cessation of the hallucination. Only one SCP-2605-1 instance has been observed to manifest at a time.
Addendum 2605-A: Surveillance log excerpts

Excerpt, 6/20/13
[An instance of SCP-2605-1 paces around the bed of SCP-2605.][SCP-2605-1 instance approaches and proceeds to stroke the face of SCP-2605. No audible sound is produced by the instance.]

Excerpt, 6/25/13

[An instance of SCP-2605-1 sits on the bed of SCP-2605. Head movements from both entities seem to trace the rapid movements of an object on the other side of the room, though no detectable anomalies aside from the SCP-2605-1 instance manifest within the cell.][Entities continue to track movement for approximately 12 minutes, until cessation of hallucination.]

Excerpt, 4/9/14
[An instance of SCP-2605-1 stands at the corner of the room opposite SCP-2605.][The SCP-2605-1 instance begins to tap its foot and rock back and forth. No sound is heard at first, though SCP-2605 periodically hums snippets of an unknown melody.]
[Abruptly, SCP-2605 begins coughing violently. The instance of SCP-2605-1 ceases rocking and quickly approaches SCP-2605, visibly shaking.]
[SCP-2605 finishes coughing. The SCP-2605-1 instance adjusts the subject's bedsheets, still shaking.]
[The SCP-2605-1 instance ceases shaking, and appears to briefly gesticulate. No audible sound is produced, but SCP-2605 can be observed smiling.]

Footnotes
1. Investigation of individuals related to SCP-2605 has revealed no close relatives with the name "Charles" or a similar nickname.

« SCP-2604 | SCP-2605 | SCP-2606 »
Item #: SCP-2615-J
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: All SCP-2615-J instances are to be contained in Standard Micro-Humanoid containment cells, which are then to be stored at Site-17. SCP-2615-J instances are to be fed thrice daily.
Description: SCP-2615-J is a species of sapient humanoids which measure fifteen centimeters tall on average. All SCP-2615-J instances possess wings of varying appearance, though the wings universally match the appearance of the wings of various species of Lepidoptera. SCP-2615-J instances can use these wings to achieve airborne locomotion. SCP-2615-J instances are luminescent, though the light produced generates no heat and has no clear biological or chemical basis.
SCP-2615-J instances are capable of limited reality warping, with most of their effects only affecting natural phenomena. Phenomena effected by SCP-2615-J include weather patterns, atmospheric temperature and pressure, animal behavior, and plant growth.
Addendum: Interview with SCP-2615-J instance #28.

Interviewed: SCP-2615-J #28
Interviewer: Dr. Tamlin
<Begin Log>
Dr. Tamlin: #28, you are aware that several aspects of your physiology are not scientifically possible, correct? Would you care to explain how they work?
SCP-2615-J #28: Ah, I get it. You're gonna try the old "I don't believe in fairies" trick to try and get rid of us. It's not gonna work, you know, we moved away from existentialism a while back.
Dr. Tamlin: I'm not sure that you understood the question. For example, you weigh, what? 35 grams? Your wings shouldn't be able to support you in flight.
SCP-2615-J #28: It's magic.
Dr. Tamlin: The glow is another thing. There's no biological or chemical reason that you should be glowing.
SCP-2615-J #28: Again, magic.
Dr. Tamlin: But what about-
SCP-2615-J #28: MAGIC! IT'S ALL FREAKIN' MAGIC YOU IDIOT! WHY CAN'T YOU GET THAT THROUGH YOUR THICK SKULL?! [At this point, SCP-2615-J #28's speech degrades into a set of growls, grunts, screams, expletives, and yet to be translated language.]
Dr. Tamlin: I think we're done here.
<End Log>

Note:

Hi, sorry about that. Odds are that you're new to the Foundation and got linked to this page as a joke. I'll go ahead and tell you now that anything and everything with a "-J" in the name is just an in-joke that someone made up (they tend to help boost morale). I normally wouldn't put this here, but I just got asked for the fifth time in a week what the "larger implications of SCP-2615-J's comments" are. There are no "larger implications". -Js aren't real. Move along and go read SCP-779 or something. -Researcher Walker
P.S. I apologize if the humor wasn't readily apparent. It was originally created to get a laugh out of people who were there for the Site-17 picnic of '96. The only reason I can think of that we still have it is because some of the guys like getting a rise out of the newbies.

Red sky at night
Sailor's delight.

Red sky at morning
Sailors take warning.

The sun dances
Along the sea

And all their love
Bleeds red.

Antimemetic inoculation confirmed, please proceed.
Item #: SCP-2616
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2616 are contained at Site-18 in a 43.2 x 22.9 x 27.9. terrarium. A diet of hummingbird feed is adequate for their nutritional needs. On a cyclical basis, deceased subjects shall be removed and examined if deemed necessary. The objects are not to be separated under current protocols, although these protocols are still under examination by the Ethics Comittee. It is not known whether separation is ultimately beneficial.
Description: SCP-2616 are two insects resembling Anastoechus nitidulus Bombyliidae. SCP-2616 are believed to be sapient. SCP-2616 have long memory spans, and are capable of solving advanced problems. The objects die when their offspring hatch. Offspring of SCP-2616 are identical to their originals.
SCP-2616-A and SCP-2616-B differ slightly. SCP-2616-A behavior suggests that it retains memories from previous generations. SCP-2616-B is capable of judging human intent.
SCP-2616-A often makes physical contact by brushing against SCP-2616-B. When separated for testing, SCP-2616-A will refuse to eat. When SCP-2616-B is returned to the containment unit SCP-2616-A will resume normal behavior.
SCP-2616 was first discovered in the cafeteria of Site-18 on 02/16/04. A researcher, ██████████, observed the objects consuming spilled juice on a nearby table. The researcher became suspicious of their behavior when he attempted to kill SCP-2616-B with a newspaper, at which point SCP-2616-A forcefully pushed SCP-2616-B away from the impact.
On the third day of testing the original SCP-2616 pair, two male Bombyliidae were introduced into the containment unit of SCP-2616. Tiger fly larvae was also placed in the chamber to encourage reproduction. SCP-2616-B was initially avoidant while SCP-2616-A mated with an introduced subject immediately. SCP-2616-A was believed to communicate with SCP-2616-B during this time with an unusual wing flapping behavior, after which SCP-2616-B mated with the introduced Bombyliidae. SCP-2616-B observed SCP-2616-A deposit its larvae and mimicked this behavior after an extended time period.
The original SCP-2616-A was in containment for 7 days, moderately shorter than the average lifespan for members of its species. This is believed to be due to its temporary undernourishment. The original SCP-2616-B was contained for 8 days.
Two female Anastoechus nitidulus hatched from the deposited larvae shortly after the original pair expired. The objects shared anomalous properties and physiology with the original pair. Testing shows SCP-2616-B does not have memory of previous manifestations, while SCP-2616-A retains these memories.
SCP-2616-B does not emerge from the egg initially and is aided in its hatching by SCP-2616-A. Each generation of SCP-2616-B is avoidant of SCP-2616-A during its first days of life. Basic behaviors such as walking and flying are learned through observation.
SCP-2616 is currently in its 958th generation.

« SCP-2615 | SCP-2616 | SCP-2617 »
SCP-2627 during the day

Item #: SCP-2627
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: The Foundation has influenced North Carolina state regulators to close SCP-2627 indefinitely for repairs. Surveillance equipment constantly monitors SCP-2627 and MTF Pi-9 ("Beach Combers") maintains a presence on both sides of SCP-2627 to prevent unauthorized access.
Description: SCP-2627 is an anomalous boardwalk entrance on Ocracoke Island, NC, USA. Between 0017 and 0023 hours, local time, traversing SCP-2627 by foot leads to a version of Ocracoke Island lacking any artificial structures, excepting an extensive network of intersecting boardwalks.
The boardwalks cover the island1 and extend up to 1.7 kilometers into the surrounding ocean. A single boardwalk extends from Silver Lake harbor to the mainland, where it connects to a similar system of boardwalks, covered bridges, elevated walkways, and mining tunnels. Long-distance drone exploration reveals no region of North America that is not covered by this network.
No signs of animal life have been found in explored areas, despite the presence of plant and fungal species dependent on animals. Any animal tissue not on one of the walkways when SCP-2627 activates vanishes permanently.
There are no exits from the boardwalk system other than the counterpart to SCP-2627, which leads to a small sand dune when SCP-2627 is inactive.

Footnotes
1. With an average separation of 37 meters.

« SCP-2626 | SCP-2627 | SCP-2628 »
Item #: SCP-2630
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2630 is currently contained in a vacuum-sealed chamber in Site-43's Euclid wing. Following Incident 219-Keynes, testing on SCP-2630 has been forbidden by Overseer order. SCP-2630 should never come into contact with animal products or live animals at any time.
Daily backups are to be made of SCP-2630's configuration. If any statistically anomalous stock market changes occur, SCP-2630 should be inspected for changes and its configuration reset.
Description: SCP-2630 is the designation for a computing complex built by Prometheus Paraeconomics in 1968 known as NOTUS (Necromantic Ontologically and Thaumically Unified Supercomputer). SCP-2630 occupies an approximate area of 3.5 x 5.0 x 3.0 meters (WxLxH) and weighs 370 kilograms. Prior to its acquisition in 2005 by the Foundation, Prometheus Paraeconomics used it to forecast changes to the stock market using its anomalous properties.
SCP-2630 consists of three main components – fifteen mechanical arms, a console controlling these arms and displaying readings from the third main component: namely, eighteen sets of intestines. Fifteen of these intestines are bovine rumens, while the rest are human large intestines. The bovine intestines are suspended by the mechanical arms, while the human large intestines appear to be interlaced into a rough framework around the rumens. These intestines do not appear to decay.
Foundation economists have shown that the state of the bovine rumens encodes the price of fifteen S&P 500 stocks approximately nineteen hours in the future, with each rumen corresponding to a different stock. The current working theory is that knots in the rumens correspond to the price of these stocks (for more information see Supplementary Document SCP-2630-03A). It is not currently known if the human intestines represent any meaningful information.
The mechanical arms update this information every five minutes – due to the regular manipulation of these intestines, it is currently believed that they possess anomalously high levels of tensile strength. The amount of force required to actually manipulate the entrails is grossly more than would be expected, meaning that any attempt to manipulate the configuration of the intestines typically requires use of the mechanical arms, which are capable of exerting a directed force of 9.3 meganewtons. The complex does not appear to possess any power source.
With the aid of documentation from the original inventors of SCP-2630, a rudimentary program was developed to test if a manipulation in the configuration of the intestines would result in a change to the stock price. The test was carried out successfully, demonstrating that the correlation between SCP-2630 and the state of each stock's price is two-way. Further information on the test and its results are contained in Print Archive Article 2011.MAR.11.108 - "CEO Of Reikia Software Dies In Tragic Golfing Accident".

« SCP-2629 | SCP-2630 | SCP-2631 »
SCP-2642

Item #: SCP-2642
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2642 should follow all standard containment procedures for class-B infohazards, with the addition of biweekly visitation by a single Class-D personnel. Any noted breach of containment should result in the affected area being quarantined for a period of at least two weeks.
Description: SCP-2642 is an item which may only be described as "half of an elephant's face", regardless of whether it retains that form or not. Any attempt by a subject to discern the bisecting line of the anomaly results in the profound feeling that they are wrong. The subject then derides itself for its incorrect answer. Insults tend to grow in vehemency and creativity as the subject continues to get the answer wrong. In 98 percent of cases, the subject will return to the object and attempt to guess correctly, with the "incorrect" result appearing to cause significant frustration and disappointment; levels of both appear to increase at a baseline, non-anomalous rate parallel to existing situations in which a subject is emotionally invested in the outcome. Exceptions to this occur when the item is not viewed or attempted within five days or less; this situation results in telepathic shouting of obscenities within an undetermined radius.
Addendum: SCP-2642 was discovered on ██/██/04 after a suspicious increase in searches by search engine Google was recorded in ████, Washington, all pertaining to "solving half an elephant's face". After a routine examination by bots for potential anomalous activity, the Foundation was alerted and captured the object. Notably, alongside the object was a folded, sealed letter with no return address or identifying information. Inside the envelope was a piece of pink stationery, covered in red heart symbols. Both envelope and stationery were covered in scribbled drawings and obscenities. Broken pencil graphite was found inside the envelope.
The contents of the message read as follows:

FUCK YOU!!! NOW IT'S YOUR TURN.

« SCP-2641 | SCP-2642 | SCP-2643 »
Item #: SCP-2654
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2654 is to be kept in a standard containment locker. Access to the object is to be limited to the purpose of testing and may only be granted by Level 3 personnel or higher. During testing, or in the event a person accidentally uses the object, the subject is to be placed in a standard humanoid containment chamber, and provided with an ample supply of snack food for SCP-2654-1. They must remain in the chamber until SCP-2654-1 appears.
Description: SCP-2654 is a typical Magic 8 Ball toy produced by the Mattel Corporation. The object is severely scratched. The twenty-sided die within the object is slightly faded, making results difficult to read. When vocally asked simple polar questions1 or simple probability questions2 and shaken, SCP-2654 will provide a random answer from its bank of responses. If the object is vocally asked complex polar or probability questions, it will always respond with either "Ask again later" or "Cannot predict now."
SCP-2654-1 is a male humanoid creature with extremely pale blue skin who will appear near a person who has asked SCP-2654 a complex question. SCP-2654-1 will appear within 7-48 days after the person initially asked the question. It will only appear while the person is sleeping. After SCP-2654-1 appears, it will wake the person and request for something to eat. Generally, it will ask for American snack foods, but it has been observed to ask for typical Japanese or Chinese snacks from test subjects of Asian descent. If the subject is unable to offer the snack SCP-2654-1 requested, it will make a disappointed comment and disappear.
Once SCP-2654-1 has been given the food it has requested, it will remind the subject of the question they asked SCP-2654 and give them a random answer from SCP-2654's bank of responses. Once SCP-2654-1 has finished its requested food, it will disappear.3
SCP-2654-1 appears to be human; however, several physical differences have been noted. The entity is completely hairless, stands at 2.77m tall, and weighs 82.6kg. SCP-2654-1 has two numeric "8"s tattooed on its lower face and upper chest. The entity's right arm is significantly elongated and has an additional joint between its elbow and wrist. SCP-2654-1 generally materializes without any clothes; however, it has been recorded wearing a tailored Arab thawb on multiple occasions. The entity is fairly amicable and will converse with subjects before disappearing.

Footnotes
1. Such as "Is the sky blue?"
2. Such as "When flipped, will this coin land heads up?"
3. Given SCP-2654's similarity to SCP-2795, and toy based nature, an investigation into possible association with Dr. Wondertainment has been initiated. Currently, no link has been established between SCP-2654 and the GoI.

« SCP-2653 | SCP-2654 | SCP-2655 »
SCP-2659 upon initial discovery.

Item #: SCP-2659
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: The area surrounding SCP-2659 has been designated a marine wildlife protection area. Maritime activity within the protected area requires the approval of a Foundation front masquerading as a joint French-Italian environmental protection task force. Enforcement of the containment procedures is currently the responsibility of the SCPS Lilium (current designation: ITS ██████████ ████████).
Embedded agents within regional cetacean conservation organisations are to track potentially-affected instances of Balaenoptera physalus in the Mediterranean Sea and take all steps necessary to conceal the location of SCP-2659 from civilians, up to the interception and termination of affected whales.
Description: SCP-2659 is a biological entity residing at the bottom of the Ligurian basin of the Mediterranean Sea (coordinates: N 43° 42' ████", E 8° 50' ████"). It is light gray in colour, cylindrical in shape and measures 56.5 m long and 0.9 m in diameter. It has no external organs save for a thin, segmented appendage extending from one end of its body. Its body is covered in a thick layer of smooth mammalian skin and blubber. Enhanced imaging shows no sign of internal bone structure or organs. Outside of the manipulation of its segmented appendage and twitching in response to tactile stimulus, SCP-2659 is incapable of independent movement.
Instances of Balaenoptera physalus (finback whale) in or near the Mediterranean Sea and approximately over the age of 100 years are compelled to separate from their groups and swim towards SCP-2659. The mechanism by which a whale is able to locate SCP-2659 is unknown. Upon reaching within 300 m of SCP-2659, the affected whale will swim in an anticlockwise spiral at gradually increasing depth, eventually prostrating itself before the segmented appendage of SCP-2659 and ceasing all movement.
At this point, SCP-2659 will insert the entirety of the segmented appendage into the blowhole of the whale. This act causes extreme physical injury to the whale, passing down its trachea and often puncturing its lungs and heart before curving upwards and piercing into the spinal column. Despite this, the affected whale does not appear to be in any pain. After a period of five to six minutes, the appendage will rapidly withdraw, extracting a length of mildly luminescent white solid which is quickly absorbed into the tip of the appendage. All whales observed to undergo this process have expired due to severe internal bleeding.
SCP-2659 has performed this procedure on an estimated 2,000 finback whales since its discovery in 2001.

« SCP-2658 | SCP-2659 | SCP-2660 »
WARNING: COGNITOHAZARDOUS MATERIAL. MEMETIC COUNTERMEASURES REQUIRED.
A vaccine for your brain
Made to protect, not contain
By the meme-team in doggerel verse
So do this now or ride the hearse:
First! See blue. Kill red.
Then! Count from gnu to fish.
Now! Erase Your head.
ith! Make an unwish.
INOCULATION COMPLETE

Item #: SCP-2673
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures:
To this procedure you have been assigned,
To strengthen the stout bars of this skip's pen,
To pen the verse, form and meter aligned,
So what hunts in words cannot hunt again.
As this verse shows, in words it can be held,
Trapped in walls of thought and confined by rhyme,
Hunger frustrated and violence quelled.
This cage must be maintained from time to time.
So now, write you must, in form constrained.
And within your words let it be contained.
Description:
SCP twenty-six seventy-three,
Is a memetic parasite carried,
By language and abstract thought,
Within one host until death sets it free.
By leading victims to early graves,
Through behaviors which can be varied,
But always self destructive ends are sought,
Pleasure, risk, and freedom; what the host craves.
It is transmitted through both print and speech,
But prefers simple everyday words,
To complex structures and rarefied memes.
Verses contain, preventing a breach.
Between verse and antimeme it is caught,
This document contains it in these words,
Though it adapts and can escape it seems,
So new verse is needed or all's for naught.
Traced back linguistic'ly to Tudor times,
Kit Marlowe, like his Faustus, called it here,
From Nevermeant, through Percy's tower door,
And tried to prison it in verse and rhymes,
But in the end it caused his early death.
A covert and occult life it did steer,
Which ended bleeding on the tavern floor,
The meme-life transmitted in his last breath.
Should it escape from this cage of written lines,
It will infect the last one this has read,
You are, of course, the last of the readers,
Be sure to keep in mind infection's signs.
Which are: increase in vividness of dreams,
Seeking risk, foolish things on impulse said,
Urges decadent, distrust of leaders.
In this event, review the antimemes.

+ Acknowledge this document you have read

- You acknowledged this document was read

Kill agents active - Elbow Election
Vaccine successful. Clear of infection
Be aware, if you weren't, you would be dead.

« SCP-2672 | SCP-2673 | SCP-2674 »