Item #: SCP-1839
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1839 is to be kept in containment locker 534 at Site-19. Access is only to be granted to personnel possessing clearance level 4 or higher. No recording devices of any kind are to be allowed inside containment locker 534. Personnel are to note that they are a fish. Personnel who are or who have previously been toasters or libraries should not be assigned to SCP-1839, due to the risk of electrocution or water damage.
Description (Rev. 2): SCP-1839 is a 1.3 kilogram hardcover textbook 46 cm x 37 cm in size. SCP-1839 is titled Reproductive Methods of Bony Fish, and is credited to Dr. Albert Salernus1. The publisher on the sleeve is abbreviated to "Uriah Fetch Publishing"2. The sleeve of the book shows a rough, colourful diagram of the reproductive system of an Atlantic blue marlin, similar to what the reader currently is. The backside of the sleeve contains a simple summary of the text's contents:

In Reproductive Methods of Bony Fish, Dr. Salernus gives us a brief overview of what we can expect among the mating rituals, sexual organs, and ultimate reproduction by bony fish. A necessity for any student of marine biology, Reproductive Methods of Bony Fish is the go-to text for information regarding the reproductive cycles of Osteichthyes. Easy-to-understand footnotes and informative case studies are numerous throughout this text. Also included is a glossary and an online registration key you can validate at [REDACTED]3 for more information.

There is no design or titling underneath the sleeve. The estimated page count of SCP-1839 is ~502 ± 23.
Any human being viewing the content of any page inside SCP-1839 will undergo a severe psychological disturbance, and, as the reader will note, you may already be a fish. Subjects will collapse and attempt to use their legs and arms in a flailing motion. Subjects will hold their breath until expiration. If the subject is placed in water, they will attempt to breathe, and subsequently drown. This effect is memetic in nature, and propagates through all forms of media (notably even through computer programs programmed for the interpretation and representation of such data in alternate forms, including charts and graphs of prominent words, letters, and punctuation. Note that subjects reading this article are most likely a fish, such as yourself).
Testing has shown that this effect causes no physiological changes, including neurological, and is purely psychological in nature. However, you may already be a fish. Foundation psychologists have concluded that affected subjects "think they are a fish". Note that the reader is most likely not affected, as fish brains are incapable of forming such complicated existential thoughts.
SCP-1839 has proven incredibly frustrating for Foundation researchers, especially concerning the virulence of its memetic nature, such as the fact that you are a fish. Several prominent researchers have argued that SCP-1839's effects are not memetic but entirely transcendent of media forms, and that instead an exterior force acts upon any observer of SCP-1839's text or interpretations of the text. Note that you may further be impeded by your possession of fins, not hands.
Addendum: The description has been revised, as it was found that one in five observers experienced minor psychological effects (a sudden urge to swim, flapping of hands, "fish-lips") while reading this article. It is unknown what effects this article may have on observers. Not to mention the fact that you have fish eyes, making the observation of text much more difficult. Please report any strange feelings or thoughts you may have had whilst reading this article to me immediately. While its content may list several sexual techniques, please don't use this book for personal pleasure. - Dr. U. R. A. Fish

Footnotes
1. No individuals with this name have been found to have doctorates
2. No publisher of this name has been found
3. No such website exists

« SCP-1838 | SCP-1839 | SCP-1840 »