Item #: SCP-1632
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: Due to its nature, containment of SCP-1632 is to focus on the capture and relocation of SCP-1632-1 instances. SCP-1632-1 instances are to be stored in a standard humanoid containment cell in Site 45, and fed according to the standard Humanoid Nutrition chart. Police reports in Nevada are to be monitored in order to discover any instance of SCP-1632-1. All found advertisements featuring SCP-1632 are to be removed. Any found SCP-1632 client is to be administered Class-A Amnestics.
Description: SCP-1632 refers to an entity believed to be of extradimensional or extraterrestrial origin. Witness descriptions show SCP-1632 to be a 45-year old Asian male with varying facial features, usually wearing a three-piece suit with a red tie and a bowler hat.
SCP-1632 places advertisements offering its services as a professional attorney-at-law, specializing in divorce cases. SCP-1632's actions are focused on civilians in the state of Nevada. These advertisements can appear in multiple sources and formats, including flyers, internet popups, Craigslist entries, and billboards. Hosts of these advertisements are unable to recall any information regarding SCP-1632, other than his appearance.
In every advertisement, a sequence of 10 unknown symbols appear where a telephone number would normally be placed. Tests have shown this sequence to be a low-threat visual cognitohazard which causes the symbols to appear to be random numbers. However, individuals who require SCP-1632's services are able to contact SCP-1632 using the number provided. All attempts made by the Foundation to obtain the correct telephone number have failed.
SCP-1632 will assist its client(s) with the various legal processes of obtaining a divorce from a spouse. SCP-1632 does not appear in the vicinity of Foundation employees or recording equipment, making surveillance of its appearance difficult. Clients of SCP-1632 report its service to be helpful and inexpensive. Attempts to transfer a client from SCP-1632's involvement to a Foundation appointed lawyer result in the client's dissatisfaction with the new lawyer, and request that SCP-1632 be brought back to the case. Administration of Class-A Amnestics to clients have proven successful in halting SCP-1632 cases.
When a divorce case is finished, SCP-1632, its client and the client's former spouse will disappear. After a few hours, an instance of SCP-1632-1 will appear where the client was. SCP-1632-1 refers to a biological entity that consists of an SCP-1632 client and the client's former spouse physically fused together. SCP-1632-1 instances are usually found wrapped in white cloth, for an unknown purpose. SCP-1632-1 instances tend to be radically different in the method of fusion, ranging from both partners becoming fused at the pelvis region, to appearing as a mass of non-discernible tissue. However, nervous and respiratory systems are not modified, allowing both partners to utilize cognitive functions and vocalize respectively. All attempts at surgical separation, even when the procedure itself is relatively harmless, have been met with failure.
Addendum: Interview Log with SCP-1632-01 instance

Interviewed: SCP-1632-1
Interviewer: Junior Researcher Winger
Junior Researcher Winger: Good evening. Could you state your names for the record?
SCP-1632-1A: Hey. The name's Randal Chasalow.
SCP-1632-1B: And my name is Diane Chasalow.
Junior Researcher Winger: Could you tell me the events that led to your current….condition?
SCP-1632-1A: As much as it pains me to say it, I wasn't a very good husband to Diane. From the late nights I spent working, to the heavy drinking later on, I should have seen our separation coming.
SCP-1632-1B: After months of arguing, I eventually moved out. I missed Randal, but being apart seemed like the best thing for the both of us.
[irrelevant information removed]
SCP-1632-1B: I saw a advertisement for a divorce lawyer in the newspaper on Tuesday1. "Need a divorce? Better ring Xing!". Heh. The rate seemed affordable enough, so I called him.
Junior Researcher Winger: How would you describe SCP-1632's services?
SCP-1632-1B: Strange names you people use around here. Anyway, Xing was really helpful with all of the legal jargon. I could tell he never approved of what he did, but money is money, I guess.
SCP-1632-1A: Honey, you should probably skip to the important part.
SCP-1632-1B: Alright then. After about two weeks after all of the papers were submitted, I woke up in this strange place, in my wedding dress. It was like a chapel. But it wasn't just a chapel, it was THE chapel, you know? Like, the floor was alive and breathing. It didn't scare me, for some reason. Then, I suddenly saw Randal next to me.
SCP-1632-1A: The chapel was beautiful. Nobody was seated, yet the world was watching. Gold and flowers lined the walls. I wish I could show you, it was unforgettable. Xing stood at the end of the chapel dressed in these fancy white robes. Light flooded the chapel in a color too beautiful for words.
Junior Researcher Winger: Were you not concerned about suddenly being in an unknown place?
SCP-1632-1A: No, it felt right. Everything felt right, for the first time in so long.
SCP-1632-1B: Our memory's a bit fuzzy after that, but next thing I knew, I was back in my house, together with Randal, the way it should be.
Junior Researcher Winger: Does this mean you are satisfied with your current condition?
SCP-1632-1A: Satisfied? This is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Thank Xing for me whenever you see him.

Footnotes
1. This is the first found occurrence of SCP-1632 utilizing newspaper ads.

« SCP-1631 | SCP-1632 | SCP-1633 »