close

Info

X

Vivid Visions
~~ More Alan Stuff ~~


FROM: Junior Researcher Joseph Patterson <noitadnuof.pcs|nosrettaprd#noitadnuof.pcs|nosrettaprd>
TO: Site Psychiatrist Helen Williams <noitadnuof.pcs|smailliwh#noitadnuof.pcs|smailliwh>
DATE: 24/06/2024

Hello. Sorry for bothering you, but lately I've started to experience some problems with my mental health. I've been looking for some help and colleagues advised to contact you. I don't want to officially ask you for a therapy session, however. No need to make a fuss about it, and others don't have to know. They'll probably think I'm losing it.
Will you have time to help me? I was looking for something similar to my problem in various sources, but, unfortunately, without any results. I'll be waiting for your response. Thanks for your time.

FROM: Site Psychiatrist Helen Williams <noitadnuof.pcs|smailliwh#noitadnuof.pcs|smailliwh>
TO: Junior Researcher Joseph Patterson <noitadnuof.pcs|nosrettaprd#noitadnuof.pcs|nosrettaprd>
DATE: 25/06/2024

Hello Joseph! Of course, there is nothing wrong with sharing your problem through messages, if that'll be convenient for you. You can describe what's bothering you, and I'll try to help. Just keep in mind that if your problem turns out to be serious, we'll need to have a therapy session. There is nothing shameful in seeking help when you're struggling with mental issues. Most Foundation employees do so at some point in their careers.
I'll be waiting for your next message. Sorry in advance if I won't be able to write you a compelling answer on the same day. There has been a lot of work lately, but I'll try to attend to you as soon as possible.

FROM: Junior Researcher Joseph Patterson <noitadnuof.pcs|nosrettaprd#noitadnuof.pcs|nosrettaprd>
TO: Site Psychiatrist Helen Williams <noitadnuof.pcs|smailliwh#noitadnuof.pcs|smailliwh>
DATE: 25/06/2024

Of course. I'll wait as long as necessary.
Basically, my problem is that I often experience, how should I put it… Obsessive visualizations. More specifically, I often see a place very similar to my current surroundings. Sometimes I can recognize my home, the streets I often walk on, or my workplace. Only in that place, everything looks very distorted and disfigured. There are no people, ruins everywhere, and everything is covered in piles of dust and dirt. As if for some reason everything was abandoned. Worst of all is the feeling that the whole world there is exactly like this. Creepy, empty and so… Alien, I guess.
This feeling has haunted me for about three weeks. It all started with ordinary thoughts, but over time they grew more and more obsessive. It got to the point where it became difficult for me to work since I couldn't concentrate, and I had to take more breaks. Recently, I began to see it in my dreams too, woke up screaming several times. But that's not all. How to explain, a few days ago it seemed like I saw it in reality as well. Maybe it's just the visualization was too strong, but I couldn't make myself unsee it. I've pinched myself, tried to touch something near me, even called somebody, but it didn't help. I got better only after an hour.
After that, I began to take sedatives every time those thoughts became unbearable, and sometimes sleeping pills so I won't have insomnia. It helped to an extent. But this problem still bothers me, I wouldn't want it to happen more often. Did you have such cases during your practice? Thanks.

FROM: Site Psychiatrist Helen Williams <noitadnuof.pcs|smailliwh#noitadnuof.pcs|smailliwh>
TO: Junior Researcher Joseph Patterson <noitadnuof.pcs|nosrettaprd#noitadnuof.pcs|nosrettaprd>
DATE: 27/06/2024

Hello. I'm sorry again for not being able to respond earlier.
What you're describing is pretty serious. Especially if this problem interferes with your normal life on a daily basis. But you should remember that there are no reasons to panic. You did the right thing by contacting me, and I will do my best to help you.
Let's think this through. Did these obsessive thoughts appear spontaneously, or they are somehow connected to any of your other experiences? Something like this can occur due to your brain's reaction to stress, which you're experiencing but cannot cope with. Think about what prompted you to visualize this “destroyed world” in the first place. Of course, this may be unpleasant, but if we understand the reason, we'll be able to find a way to deal with it.
I also strongly suggest we meet personally. It does not matter if your colleagues will find out about it. The problems of this kind should be treated immediately. Ignoring them might lead to very unpleasant consequences.

FROM: Junior Researcher Joseph Patterson <noitadnuof.pcs|nosrettaprd#noitadnuof.pcs|nosrettaprd>
TO: Site Psychiatrist Helen Williams <noitadnuof.pcs|smailliwh#noitadnuof.pcs|smailliwh>
DATE: 28/06/2024

Thanks for your reply! Actually, yesterday it happened again. And this time, it lasted far longer: somewhere around two hours. You know, it's not even me being terrified or fearing for my own life. It's this feeling of hopelessness and, I guess, insignificance, that bothers me. When I see that place, it feels like everything there is lost and there is no way to change that. These thoughts literally got me shaking this time. Well, at least I left my sedatives nearby. I clearly took more than was necessary, but it helped to stop that nightmare.
But there's good news too. Your message prompted me to think about my condition, and I came to the conclusion that those problems can be somehow related to my work. You see, recently I used to often find myself thinking about some… Less pleasing aspects of this job. I mean, we face so many dangerous anomalies on a daily basis, and some of them aren't even fully studied, so we never truly know what to expect. In fact, all that is needed for a catastrophe to happen is one small mistake, say, made during an experiment with one of the objects, or some kind of miscalculation in the containment procedures. After all, there is always the human factor.
Sometimes I find it difficult to be confident in such conditions. I also remember those times when I was finding out about some weird things happening in other Sites. There was always a feeling that everything can collapse at any moment without any apparent reason. I think that taking part in experiments in this state also didn't help. Do you think there can be a connection?
Please forgive me if I take too much of your time. I think I'll take therapy session if you think it'll help.

FROM: Site Psychiatrist Helen Williams <noitadnuof.pcs|smailliwh#noitadnuof.pcs|smailliwh>
TO: Junior Researcher Joseph Patterson <noitadnuof.pcs|nosrettaprd#noitadnuof.pcs|nosrettaprd>
DATE: 30/06/2024

No need to worry about my time. It's my job to support people in such situations.
You did well by analyzing your condition during this state. And I also understand your feelings about working in the Foundation. Performing your duties is very important, but you also have a great responsibility, which, together with various unpleasant circumstances, can put pressure on you. Experiencing this pressure all the time might negatively affect your mental health.
It's possible that your problems appeared primarily because of overworking and excessive contact with the unpleasant atmosphere reigning in your workplace. I think the best solution now would be to temporarily step away from work. Try to postpone all matters that aren't urgent and relax a little. If need be, ask other researchers to temporarily replace you.
Taking the session was the right decision. I will wait for you the day after tomorrow in my office at 2 PM, if this time suits you. Good luck!

FROM: Junior Researcher Joseph Patterson <noitadnuof.pcs|nosrettaprd#noitadnuof.pcs|nosrettaprd>
TO: Site Psychiatrist Helen Williams <noitadnuof.pcs|smailliwh#noitadnuof.pcs|smailliwh>
DATE: 30/06/2024

Yes, it suits me. Thank you. See you soon!

FROM: Junior Researcher Joseph Patterson <noitadnuof.pcs|nosrettaprd#noitadnuof.pcs|nosrettaprd>
TO: Site Psychiatrist Helen Williams <noitadnuof.pcs|smailliwh#noitadnuof.pcs|smailliwh>
DATE: 01/07/2024

I'm sorry, but is our session being postponed? I arrived today at the appointed time, but I couldn't find you or your assistant in the office. I sat there for about an hour until I realized that you probably won't come and left.
By the way, your advice didn't help a lot. I tried to relax and stop thinking about work all day, but there was no success. To be honest, it began to happen more often. Now I can't stop visualizing this damned ruined place. Unfortunately, I'm running out of sedatives. Maybe there are some other methods to oppose this?

FROM: Junior Researcher Joseph Patterson <noitadnuof.pcs|nosrettaprd#noitadnuof.pcs|nosrettaprd>
TO: Site Psychiatrist Helen Williams <noitadnuof.pcs|smailliwh#noitadnuof.pcs|smailliwh>
DATE: 03/07/2024

Hello. Sorry to bother you again, but as I saw, my previous message remained unanswered. I went to your office again yesterday but didn't find anyone. Do you happen to know where everyone has gone?

FROM: Junior Researcher Joseph Patterson <noitadnuof.pcs|nosrettaprd#noitadnuof.pcs|nosrettaprd>
TO: Site Psychiatrist Helen Williams <noitadnuof.pcs|smailliwh#noitadnuof.pcs|smailliwh>
DATE: 07/07/2024

I went to work today, even though you said not to. Sorry. But there was no one there too. I went and searched for a long time, but couldn't find anyone. The images are getting more and more vivid, everything around looks ruined. Please respond after you'll see this message.

FROM: Junior Researcher Joseph Patterson <noitadnuof.pcs|nosrettaprd#noitadnuof.pcs|nosrettaprd>
TO: Site Psychiatrist Helen Williams <noitadnuof.pcs|smailliwh#noitadnuof.pcs|smailliwh>
DATE: 10/07/2024

The images won't stop. They're all around me. I want to stop this, but I don't know how. I can't see people. Please respond.

FROM: Junior Researcher Joseph Patterson <noitadnuof.pcs|nosrettaprd#noitadnuof.pcs|nosrettaprd>
TO: Site Psychiatrist Helen Williams <noitadnuof.pcs|smailliwh#noitadnuof.pcs|smailliwh>
DATE: 14/07/2024

I need your response. It's fine if you don't have time for a session right now. Just write something.

FROM: Junior Researcher Joseph Patterson <noitadnuof.pcs|nosrettaprd#noitadnuof.pcs|nosrettaprd>
TO: Site Psychiatrist Helen Williams <noitadnuof.pcs|smailliwh#noitadnuof.pcs|smailliwh>
DATE: 19/07/2024

Anything.

FROM: Junior Researcher Joseph Patterson <noitadnuof.pcs|nosrettaprd#noitadnuof.pcs|nosrettaprd>
TO: Site Psychiatrist Helen Williams <noitadnuof.pcs|smailliwh#noitadnuof.pcs|smailliwh>
DATE: 24/07/2024

Please.

+ ACCESS: DESKTOP #4A (Security credentials required)

- Credentials accepted. Access granted.

FROM: Junior Researcher Joseph Patterson <noitadnuof.pcs|nosrettaprd#noitadnuof.pcs|nosrettaprd>
TO: Site Psychiatrist Helen Williams <noitadnuof.pcs|smailliwh#noitadnuof.pcs|smailliwh>
DATE: 25/07/2024

Today I finally walked out of the building and looked at the world that surrounds me for real. I probably wouldn't have done it on my own, but, to be fair, it became pretty much impossible to hide in this small dirty room. Besides, I've run out of the amnestic pills that used to calm me down. Some of my colleagues could've told me where to get more, but they're not here. They're gone, just like everyone else.
Actually, I probably won't need more pills anyway. As I've discovered during the past several weeks, taking too much hurts your brain more than it helps. Couldn't stop vomiting this morning, and head still hurts like hell. But on the plus side, now I can think straight. If what I'm looking at is truly the end, at least I'll see it with a clear mind. Well, relatively clear.
It's interesting how the Site changed due to the lack of people. Now it seems so empty, so spacious. Even alien to some extent.
Thank you for your help, Helen, you always were there for me. I'm sorry that I didn't have a chance to tell you this earlier.

/SEND

…
…
…
…
…
ERROR! YOUR MESSAGE CANNOT BE SENT. THE DEVICE YOU ARE USING IS NOT CONNECTED TO THE NETWORK.