Alex Molina quietly made his way toward Faeowynn Wilson's office in the Wilson Center, carrying with him a potted poinsettia. Much to his surprise, she wasn't occupied with the Supervisors, and even more surprisingly, her door was wide open. He knocked.
"Come in." She didn't look up from the paperwork she was working on.
"Hey, babe." Alex grinned.
"Oh, hey Alex. What's up?" Faeowynn looked up, smiling back at him.
"I brought you one of these." He held up the plant, then put it up on top of a nearby file cabinet. "Figured your office could use a little holiday cheer."
"Thank you, now I don't have to be Scrooge anymore." She laughed.
"Heh. So, I wanted to ask, do you have any plans for Christmas Eve?"
"Nope. Just work. The usual."
"Well, I have something that I wanted to do with you. Ever heard of Tamalada?"
Fae brought her pen to her lip and hesitated for a moment. It had been a long time since high school Spanish.
"That sounds vaguely like tamales. Is it related to them?"
"It is! And Tamalada is sort of a Christmas celebration in Mexico my family observes. Basically, we all get together and make tamales."
"Sure, I'd love to go. Why didn't you ask me sooner?"
"Well, I kinda forgot. You know how busy it gets this time of year. Less volunteers since everyone wants to be with their families and all that." He shrugged. "Besides, I didn't know if you wanted to meet my family yet."
"I know I was… difficult… when we first started dating, but that doesn't mean I don't want to meet them."
"Difficult? No kidding." Alex smiled, walking around the desk towards Fae.
"Watch it. I can fire you, you know." She stood, folding her arms at her boyfriend as he approached.
"Will you, though? Remember, I'm the only means you have of getting tamales here in Boring."
"I can drive to Portland."
"And who will bring you coffee to your office every morning?"
"I can have a volunteer do it."
"You're killing me here, Fae."
"Good. Then perish." An evil smile spread on Faeowynn's face. Alex feigned indignation.
"Fine, you're making me bust out my trump card. Who's going to wrangle the volunteers for you now that Old Al is retired?"
There was a brief silence as Fae tapped her chin.
"Hmm… You do make a convincing point." She nodded in approval.
"I've got a better one for you."
"What's that?"
Without a word, Alex stood on his tiptoes and pressed his lips onto Fae's own. She smiled into the kiss, chuckling after a moment before breaking away.
"Fine. You get to keep your job. And tell your family I'm looking forward to meeting them."
"Can do!" With that, Alex turned around and made his way out of the office, leaving Faeowynn alone with her paperwork once more.
She sat back down. She was nervous. She was always nervous, though. That's why she took SSRIs; and they helped for the most part. But she felt it stronger now more than she had during the rest of the day.
The thought of meeting Alex's family seemed lovely to her, and it would be a step towards deepening their relationship. This was something she no doubt knew Alex wanted, otherwise he wouldn't have proposed it.
But, and there was always that lingering 'but' with her, she didn't know if his family would accept her for her. Tim; no, dad, had only just barely put the minimum effort forth to do so, and he was her father. What of her boyfriend's family? Would they reject her and by extension, Alex? What if he left her because of it? No, he wouldn't. But she didn't want Alex to be hurt. Faeowynn also didn't want to be hurt, but she had dealt with that rejection for her entire adult life; another one wouldn't hurt too bad.
But, and there it was again, and it would still hurt.
She sighed, reaching for her phone in her pocket. Scrolling through multiple apps one handed on her phone, she chewed her nails with the other. Finally, she found the IRC app.

juliachildenthusiast: Hey Jude.
juliachildenthusiast: You have a sec?
bluntfiend: I'm high as hell right now
bluntfiend: But yeah I always have time for friends
juliachildenthusiast: Thank you.
juliachildenthusiast: Okay, so. You remember Alex from the last time you were here?
bluntfiend: Yeah
juliachildenthusiast: He wants me to meet his family.
bluntfiend: Congratulations
bluntfiend: Or condolences
bluntfiend: I'm not sure which applies here
juliachildenthusiast: I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm happy we're at that point in our relationship.
juliachildenthusiast: But at the same time, meeting parents is stressful enough even if you're not trans, you know what I mean?
juliachildenthusiast: Do you have any advice?
bluntfiend: Actually, I don't
juliachildenthusiast: Damn.
bluntfiend: You're going to laugh at me
juliachildenthusiast: I wouldn't ever laugh at you, Jude.
bluntfiend: I've never dated anyone ever
juliachildenthusiast: Really?
juliachildenthusiast: Huh.
juliachildenthusiast: Okay.
juliachildenthusiast: Why, if you don't mind the question?
bluntfiend: Oh boy
bluntfiend: Well
bluntfiend: I don't think I ever really felt like I was
bluntfiend: Like
bluntfiend: Emotionally well enough for a relationship if that makes sense
bluntfiend: That and I don't want to hurt anyone you know?
bluntfiend: Something about loving yourself before loving others
bluntfiend: I don't know
juliachildenthusiast: I felt the same way for a long time.
juliachildenthusiast: I've only had one relationship in my life aside from Alex.
bluntfiend: Mr. Chaser?
juliachildenthusiast: Yeah.
juliachildenthusiast: It really fucked up how I saw relationships for a while.
juliachildenthusiast: But eventually I was able to trust again.
bluntfiend: It's not that I don't trust
bluntfiend: You know I trust you, esther, jj, and bones
bluntfiend: It's that I just feel like I can't be a good partner to anyone because I'm pretty fucked up
bluntfiend: You know what I've been through
juliachildenthusiast: Yeah.
bluntfiend: Besides my whole philosophy on relationships is that you shouldn't leave your significant other worse off than when you started
bluntfiend: And I would definitely leave someone worse off than where we started
juliachildenthusiast: What do you think I should do then?
bluntfiend: This is going to sound really lame but
bluntfiend: Do what your heart tells you
bluntfiend: In other words
bluntfiend: Do you love alex?

Faeowynn put her phone down.
Did she love Alex? They had been dating for almost a year now. He had been nothing but accommodating to her in their relationship so far. He understood when she had to stay late at the Center and cancel plans at the last moment. He had been completely understanding of her desire not to rush things and had allowed for the relationship to proceed at the glacially slow pace she had set for it. The only thing he did that annoyed her was that he always ate the last pizza slice whenever they ordered from Panucci's.
She chewed her fingernails again.

bluntfiend: Fae?
bluntfiend: You still there?
juliachildenthusiast: Yeah, sorry.
juliachildenthusiast: Had to deal with something for a second.
bluntfiend: Were the fascists bothering you again?
juliachildenthusiast: No, just someone coming into my office.
bluntfiend: Gotcha
bluntfiend: So what are you going to do?
juliachildenthusiast: I'm gonna go meet them.
bluntfiend: Good for you, I'm happy for you
bluntfiend: If anything happens we're all here for you Fae
juliachildenthusiast: Thank you.
juliachildenthusiast: Sincerely, thank you, Jude.
bluntfiend: This isn't just the weed talking but
bluntfiend: Love you girl
juliachildenthusiast: Love you too, dude.

Alex and Faeowynn sat parked outside the small Molina home. It had snowed recently, but the driveway had been shoveled. Faint cumbia music could be heard coming from inside. The shadows of people within could be seen through the window.
"Well, here we are." Alex looked over to Fae.
"Yeah."
"Shall we go?"
"Not yet."
"Do you wanna hang out in here for a little longer?"
"Yeah."
Silence.
.
..
…
Suddenly, there was a light thud, causing Faeowynn to jump in her seat.
"Hey, hey, it's fine. That was just snow falling from the tree up there, see?" Alex pointed to the hood of the car, where a small patch of snow had come to rest from above.
"Oh." Fae sighed, hanging her head slightly. Her right hand came up to her mouth, and she chewed on her index fingernail.
Again, silence.
.
..
…
"Hey."
"Hey yourself."
"If you don't want to do this, I can take you home. We can watch Nightmare Before Christmas on the couch or go to the IHOP off of the interstate and have some waffles. Or if you want to be alone I can just leave you there. No pressure. No judgments." Alex offered a kind smile.
Fae was quiet. She fidgeted in her dress. It had been a long time since she had worn one; she had gotten so used to the Center's khaki uniform that she almost felt uncomfortable in the grey dress. She looked at herself in the rearview mirror. Suddenly, her shoulders were too broad. Her jaw was too masculine. Her cheekbones were too defined. She looked at her reflection and all she saw was her father's son. There was no way Alex's family was going to be okay with her.
Her expression sank as she was finally able to break her eyes away from the mirror. She shivered. Alex noticed this and leaned over to put an arm around Faeowynn.
"It's okay, babe. Let's go home."
Just as Alex was about to start the car, the front door to the house opened. An elderly woman wearing a shawl stepped outside, illuminating the night with a flashlight. She shined it up against the two of them.
"Mijito?" Her faint voice was barely audible through the shut windows. Alex rolled them down and replied:
"Abuela? Is that you?"
"Sí, mijo, soy yo!" She started walking closer to the car. Faeowynn froze in fear.
"Oh crap." Alex grumbled.
"Mijo, ven adentro, te vas a morir de frío aquí fuera!"
"Abuela, I was about to go! Faeowynn no se siente bien."
"Dios mio, I am so sorry Faeowynn! It is so nice to meet you!" She was practically at the car already, shining her flashlight into the vehicle and blinding both of them. Fae was still frozen. Abuela shut off her flashlight and put it atop the chassis.
"Alex, open the window! I want to meet her!"
"Pero Abuela—"
"Hazlo." She spoke in a stern voice, the same one she would use years ago when she would babysit him and young Alex would get into trouble. He almost instinctively complied. The window lowered and revealed Faeowynn, sitting in the car with a panicked expression on her face. She hadn't cried in many years, but she could feel herself getting close to it now.
There was a brief pause as Abuela got a good look at her. Her face hardened for a moment, but then quickly loosened up again.
"Why is a pretty girl like you crying right now? Is my grandson not treating you like you deserve?" She asked in heavily accented English.
Fae stumbled over her words.
"I… I… No… He treats me fine."
"Good! Si no, I would have to hit him with my broom." Abuela laughed. "Come on, come on inside! It is too cold out here!"
"Actually, Abuela, Faeowynn doesn't feel good. We were going to go."
"No, no, no. There's nothing a good tamal can't fix. And Alex me dijo that you like tamales very much!"
Had Alex told them about her beforehand? Or maybe they were accepting of her regardless? Either way, it didn't matter. She wasn't going to taste rejection tonight. Tonight she was the woman she had always known she was. Fae sniffled slightly.
"Abuela, I—" Alex started, but was interrupted by Faeowynn.
"No. I want to stay. I feel better." She looked back at him with a weak smile.
"Are you sure?"
"I'm sure."
"Que bueno!" Abuela laughed again, grabbing her flashlight. "Come on! We're watching La razón de la culpa and Ricardo Montalban is about to show up in it!"
Alex and Fae got out of the car as Abuela hurried back inside to get out of the cold. Alex brushed the fallen snow off the hood as Faeowynn approached him.
"Hey."
"Hay is for horses."
They were silent a moment.
"I love you." Fae smiled.
Alex blinked.
"I love you too."

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