toadking07

This is an open collab though weaker entries do get pruned from time to time. Based on the maintenance gripe sheet lists you might find online or shared in an email from your uncle. Enjoy some dry humor and snarky responses!

Foundation personnel submit maintenance reports, also known as "gripe forms", to inform level 2 site mechanics about any problems they experience with containment cells and connected facilities. The maintenance crews process the requests, solve the problems, document their repair solutions and file the reports away by once resolved. Submitted problems are marked with a "P", while the solutions are marked with an "S".
Collected Maintenance Reports. Ten per page. Current as of 1/26/2018 5/25/2020.
Overseen by Site-██ Head Maintenance Supervisor Jaimison.

▼ Open Guide For Submitting Reports

△ Hide Guide For Submitting Reports

Note: Submitted reports are listed ten per page, with newer reports added at the bottom of the last page. Requests come in daily for all manner of odd tasks, often well outside of normal maintenance work. Luckily, inner site maintenance crews can take a joke.
-Head Maintenance Supervisor Jaimison
Standard format for reports:

P: Problem reported.
S: Solution carried out.

Example:

P: The Foundation is a cold and dangerous place to work in.
S: It helps to have a sense of humor.

ADVICE: Keep it simple! Focus on one thing that would require maintenance per report. Think on what kind of strange happenings would be borderline everyday problems at the foundation. Like a vending machine that can dispense lava as easily as coffee. Or a living goo leaving a trail of slime.
If you want feedback first, comment your idea in the discussion, otherwise, additions are deleted/edited at toadking07's discretion.

△ Hide Guide For Submitting Reports

Page 01
Page 02
Page 03
Page 04
Page 05
Page 06
Page 07

Submitted maintenance reports (P) and filed solutions (S) from ██/██/████ to ██/██/████.

P: Security key card reader doesn't work.
S: Diagram for proper security keycard reader card swiping has been installed.

P: Smells like there might be a lot of shit inside containment cell.
S: Confirmed, there is a lot of shit inside containment cell.

P: Containment cell door almost needs oiling.
S: Containment cell door almost oiled.

P: Request viewing window on test chamber be made of thicker, non-transparent material.
S: That's called a wall.

P: Specimen has damaged toilet bowl in containment cell.
S: Sturdier model toilet bowl has been installed.

P: Security key card reader still not working.
S: That security key card reader is for level 4 clearance or higher.
Just because you guard the thing doesn't mean you get to peek in on it whenever you want.
-Head Maintenance Supervisor Jaimison

P: Muffled screaming can be heard from within containment cell.
S: Audio system set up so screaming is no longer muffled.

P: Specimen uprooted toilet bowl from wall and damaged containment cell.
S: Plastic litter box installed until specimen learns not to break its things.

P: Entities keep erasing recordings from surveillance cameras.
S: Fake security cameras have been installed.

P: One of the containment cell corners smells like piss.
S: One of the containment cell corners has been bleached.

Submitted maintenance reports (P) and filed solutions (S) from ██/██/████ to ██/██/████.

P: Almost all computers in observation deck have been fried.
S: All computers in observation deck have been fried.

P: Door to containment cell does not seem heavy enough to contain artifact.
S: Weights have been affixed to cell door. Much heavier now.

P: Near containment breach, auto lock-down system in containment cell did not engage.
S: Auto lock-down system not installed for that containment cell.

P: Cannot hear what is being said inside containment cell from outside.
S: Good. File report if changes.

P: Concerned door will not hold during containment breach.
S: Containment breach scheduled for next week to test door.

P: Researchers unnerved when instance watches them through observation window.
S: One-way mirror installed so researchers won't see instance watching them.

S: Crack in containment cell repaired. Paradox avoided.
P: Time based fluctuation anomaly detected from crack in containment cell.

P: Entity keeps banging on walls of cell like a drum.
S: Actual drum set has been installed in cell for subject to bang on.

P: Specimen has clogged containment cell toilet.
S: Containment cell is too far gone. Recommend new containment cell with reinforced waste management system.
Team gets the week off once they get back from decontam.
-Head Maintenance Supervisor Jaimison

P: Near containment breach due to rollie-chair.
S: Rollie-chair secured to the floor.

Submitted maintenance reports (P) and filed solutions (S) from ██/██/████ to 05/12/2014.

P: During site wide lock-down system test, doors to containment wing were unable to be opened from inside/outside.
S: Containment wing doors cannot be unlocked during site wide lock-downs.
God have mercy if you are on the wrong side when they close.
-Head Maintenance Supervisor Jaimison

P: Concerned airlock will not hold in case of flood.
S: Psychological evaluation with Dr. Glass scheduled for airlock.

P: Hole found on hazmat suit, bio-containment wing two.
S: Hole lost on hazmat suit, bio-containment wing two.

P: Mop broken during containment breach.
S: New mop given to another janitor that doesn't attempt to subdue an SCP with a mop.

P: Vending machine dispensed molten lava, burned through cup and multiple floors.
S: Vending machine paper cups replaced with reinforced cups.

P: Containment cell found empty.
S: Containment cell filled with balloons.
We do maintenance work here people, not SCP retrieval. Something gets out, call an MTF, then call us.
-Head Maintenance Supervisor Jaimison

P: Camera feed 67 shows nothing of interest.
S: Something interesting now playing on camera feed 67.

P: Pipes beneath sink in the cafeteria are leaking. Specifically requesting Mr. Alfsiger for repair.
S: No pipes found leaking, though five animatronic spiders discovered under sink. All five destroyed via boot heel.
Arachnophobia is no laughing matter guys.
-Head Maintenance Supervisor Jaimison

P: Containment cell observation system outputting audio of disembodied, violent screaming.
S: Monitor installed adjacent to observation system outputting muted video of Finnish death metal band.

P: Third stall in staff bathroom on level 4 in need of repair.
S: Security camera installed in third stall in staff bathroom on level 4.
If you have any information on what happened in that stall, you can call the anonymous tip hotline.
-Head Maintenance Supervisor Jaimison

Submitted maintenance reports (P) and filed solutions (S) from 05/13/2014 to 11/30/2017.

P: The shower in Dr. King's personal quarters is producing apple seeds, not water.
S: Dr. King informed that the Gripe Sheet is not for prank complaints.
Appleseed generator removed from shower and installed in Dr. King's coffee maker.
-Head Maintenance Supervisor Jaimison

P: Anti-Memetic Pun detector in Delaware Wing is malfunctioning.
S: Could not locate, please provide more information, Dela where?

P: Site generator gets hot when used.
S: Can't change the laws of thermodynamics, try asking the physics department.

P: SCP-___-J containment in need of maintenance.
S: Will schedule maintenance later.

P: Hall-113 completely blocked off with chocolate ice cream.
S: Vanilla and strawberry ice cream have been added to Hall-113.

P: I do not appreciate being contained as an SCP.
S: How did you get access to this? Reported.
Also, we don't have anything to do with actual containment, just maintenance.
-Head Maintenance Supervisor Jaimison

P: Yearly maintenance for SCP-055 containment scheduled.
S: I don't think we have an SCP-055? Prank report reported.

P: 13 long claw marks left on the temporary the wall of containment cell B-17.
S: Claw mark added to make it 14.
13 is unlucky.
-Head Maintenance Supervisor Jaimison

P: Roof in Sector 3 seems very unstable
S: Consideration on whether or not said roof should be put in an asylum.

P: Agent █████ broke a water fountain.
S: Water fountain has been given much needed R&R.

Submitted maintenance reports (P) and filed solutions (S) from 11/31/2017 to 5/10/2018.

P: Radio speakers filled with blood.
S: A fellow Foundation After Midnight Radio fan! Cheers!

P: Containment breach sirens still faintly heard from all the way at personnel barracks.
S: Siren volume increased. You do not want to sleep through those.

P: Cannot connect to Site-26 wifi.
S: No wifi or internet at Site-26.
Please reread special containment procedures.
-Head Maintenance Supervisor Jaimison

P: Door to containment cell Y-88 makes a funny noise.
S: Noise is indeed pretty hilarious.
Set as my text tone for maintenance reports. Too funny. Thanks for bringing it to my attention!
-Head Maintenance Supervisor Jaimison

P: Containment Wing B-7 in Site-551 is 23° in temperature while everywhere else in the entire facility is 24°.
S: Temperature of all of Site-551 lowered by one.

P: Minor damage to pipes in bathroom B at Site-19, may be anomalous.
S: Major damage to pipes in Bathroom B at Site-19, definitely anomalous.
Anomalous events are not our job to deal with please stop reporting them here.
-Head Maintenance Supervisor Jaimison

P: Toilet fire at Site-42, floor 4, women's bathroom.
S: Please dispose of sensitive documents at your designated incineration service station.

P: Left wing at Site-5 missing.
S: Beginning search for large bird.

P: Stepped in dog feces at Site-551.
S: That sounds like a personal problem.

P: Need assistance with with a ████ that is currently causing [REDACTED].
S: First you're going to need a █████, and after that you [REDACTED] and [DATA EXPUNGED]. Should ███ it right up. ████.
We can't help you if we don't know what you need help with.
-Head Maintenance Supervisor Jaimison

Submitted maintenance reports (P) and filed solutions (S) from 5/11/2018 to 5/6/2019.

P: Hallway-06 awSDJILFB K;D/AHBgjghjkv
S: N/A
The maintenance team sends their condolences. We are deeply saddened by the news from Site-107 this last week. Our hearts go out to the family and friends of those lost.
-Head Maintenance Supervisor Jaimison

P: Halloween is long over. Please put away the decorations in break room 3B.
S: Those were not props. Break room closed off pending internal investigation.

P: Containment cell observation equipment nonfunctional.
S: Most equipment is nonfunctional without a power supply.

P: .sdrawkcab raeppa ot stupni retupmoc lla gnisuac si 42-etiS ta hcaerb tnemniatnoc tneceR
S: Until an MTF can get that under control, suggest all personnel at Site-24 learn to type backwards.
.sdrawkcab epyt ot nrael 42-etiS ta lennosrep lla tseggus ,lortnoc rednu taht teg nac FTM na litnU :llew sa sdrawkcab ffuts eviecrep ro eviecer syug uoy gnikam s'ti esac ni tsuJ
-Head Maintenance Supervisor Jaimison (nosimiaJ rosivrepoS ecnanetniaM deaH)

P: Lizards keep getting into Site-19.
S: "NO LIZARDS ALLOWED" sign installed at site entrance.

P: Inside.
S: Outside.
Note: My bed is still inside of the break room refrigerator.

P: Engine of cargo truck at Site-24 died.
S: Use the gear shift to go into 3rd, 3rd, 4th, 4th, 2nd, 5th, 2nd, and 5th, then hit the Brake followed by the Accelerator. Engine should be good to go for another 30 trips after that, more than enough time to get it down here for a proper overhaul.
Just make sure you put it back in 1st before trying to start it. Don't need to be dealing with a busted transmission while we're at it.
-Head Maintenance Supervisor Jaimison

P: I'm holding the handle of a pulled grenade. I'm typing this with my feet, please help
S: Bomb squad dispatched to Dr. Matism's office for defusal.
Note: I may have shit myself - Dr. Matism

P: Can't decide whether to have tacos or pizza for lunch.
S: Pizza removed from menu.
Note: Thanks a lot to whoever submitted this. - Dr. Ricardo

P: V_w_ls _n _ll c_mp_t_r t_rm_n_ls f_r S_t_-24 h_v_ g_n_ m_ss_ng.
S: Wheel of Fortune technician en route to assist. Estimated cost of repairs: $1,250.
Just in case any of you had your hopes up, no, Vanna White is not the technician in question.
-Head Maintenance Supervisor Jaimison

Submitted maintenance reports (P) and filed solutions (S) from 5/6/2019 to ██/██/████.

P: Computer screen has likely contracted anomalous properties. Discoloration and distortion of screen. Possible containment breach.
S: Computer CRT screen upgrade with LED monitor.
Magnets, how do they work?
-Head Maintenance Supervisor Jaimison

P: There are rats eating all the food in Site-73's break room.
S: Rats given their own break room on Site-73's premises.

P: There is a Site-22 board game club, but no Site-22 Dungeons and Dragons club.
S: N/A
You know you can submit clubs yourself? [link]
-Head Maintenance Supervisor Jaimison

P: A humanoid containment chamber holding a reality bender was displaced into a high-Hume extradimensional location. It has likely drifted from its original location and as such, it is impossible to retrieve without severe structural damage.
S: Maintenance team sent into extradimensional location and reality bender retrieved. Cell reconstructed.

P: The Site-88 break room's coffee machine has grown legs and gained sentience, and now refuses to serve its purpose. We have it contained as of now but we need a new coffee machine.
S: New coffee machine provided, coffee machine registered as SCP-██.

P: Responded to a call.
S: Call-response based programs and forms have had "call" and "response" switched.

P: Intangible apparition resembling actor Tobey Maguire dancing obnoxiously in front of the entrance to ABCA-14 Nu-7 armory.
S: I missed the part where that's my problem.

P: There are no windows on Site-26's level 16B.
S: Windows have been removed from all levels of Site-26.

P: My coworker Dr. Rothstein, he eats very loudly during lunch break when I'm trying to work. He's in the office next to me. I can hear him through the walls. I don't even know what he's eating. Just replace the walls please, I can't stand it anymore.
S: Wall has been replaced with a transparent plexiglass panel.