Back in school, one of my teachers useta say that if something was bothering you, if you were having bad feelings, you could write it down and that would help you feel better. But I don't think she meant it like this. I'm not really writing this down, I'm just tracing it. I see it on the paper, where I'm gonna write it, and I write it because that's what's gonna be there. Even though these ARE my feelings and my thoughts, it's still not me choosing what to write. It's just what the future says my words are. One of the doctors here said it doesn't make sense, I only write the words because I see them in the future and I only see them in the future because I'm gonna write them, so it's a anti-logical paradock. I don't think I'm spelling those right, but it's not like I gotta choice. I'm just tracing.
I hate it here. I hate the SCP Foundation and all its Secure Contain Protect garbage, and I hate living in █████████████. And I know they're gonna find this page, cause I can see where they're gonna marker through the name of the place. And they're gonna marker through my name too. I can say I'm Marilyn Monroe, or Courtney Love, or Oprah, or Jessica Alba, and nothing happens, but as soon as I write down █████████████████ I can see that they're gonna marker it out. It's like I got no name any more. I'm just a god damn SCP. And I hate that.
I hate the monsters here. I hate how the agents make me look at them. I hate when I see people with their arms and legs and heads tore off, and I know the monsters are gonna do it and I can't do nothing about it. I hate when I get so scared I start crying, and I hate when I get so scared I pee myself, and I hate that I can't keep any secrets from this god damn paper cause it's what I'd write if I had the chance but all I can do is trace.
I hate the doctors here, mostly. Some of them are kinda nice, but mostly they don't care. I hate Doctor ████████████ and his markered out name, and I hate Doctor ██████ and her markered out name, and I hate that I don't even got the chance to write out my own hating cause all I can do is trace.
The food here is okay, though. I like food. I always did, I'm not one of those crazy Anna Rexy girls. I just couldnt eat the food when I kept seeing it turn into poop in front of me. I can't pick my own food from the cafeteria, but I can look at a menu and ask for stuff, and one agent gets it for me while the other one puts my blindfold on. The blindfold isn't fun, but now I don't gotta watch food turn into poop as soon as I stick my spoon in. And it's better than having them do an IV thing in my arm like I was in a comma.
I know they dope me up. And it's not just sticking me with needles, either. They hide pills in my food. They think that if they didn't, I'd poke my own eyes out like a crazy so I could stop seeing stuff like this. But I can't ever REALLY do that, cause when I look at myself in a mirror I still got both my eyes. And if I ever do see myself without my eyes, then it'll happen no matter what.
There isnt anything else on the paper after I finish this line, so I guess that means they find me soon and put my stupid mittens back on me FUCK YOU MY NAME IS █████████████████ MY NAME IS █████████████████ MY NAME IS