PeppersGhost

Bring Me Flesh by PeppersGhost

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Christmas.

Been waiting all year.
Been waiting all YEAR!
It's time to go. Ho ho ho! Christmas has come! Here comes fun!
Pick the house. Any house. Who will be the lucky one? Sneaky, sneaky now. Mustn't make a noise. Hold in the Christmas giddy. Push it deep in the belly. Don't let it out. Not until the right time. Which house? Any house. This house. Lucky, oh so lucky!
All asleep? All asleep! Yes, this house is the right house. Santa always knows the right house. Santa knows where the children sleep. Santa always knows.
Up the stairs. (Sneaky, sneaky.)
Along the floor. (Oh so quiet).
Beside the bed. (Lucky child!)
Christmas joke? Christmas joke would be good. Santa tugs the blanket. It has cartoons. Santa likes it. Slurp, slurp the blanket. Child is stirring. Where's the blanket? This Christmas joke is very funny. Mustn't giggle though.
Now comes the surprise. Must be quick. Quick, quick! Hold still, child! (This is a Christmas joke: child cannot move because Santa is very strong (but also gentle)). Boys and girls throats are soft and Santa must be careful. Careful, and carefully, Santa slips his magic candy cane inside to turn off the throat's scream parts. Just a little tug and… Snap! goes the screamer string. But quietly. Must be quiet. Mustn't ruin the surprise for the other childs. Bundle, bundle, wrap, wrap. Next child!!!
Down the hall. (Christmas giddy!)
Past the dog. (Slurp, slurp.)
On the ceiling. (Clever Santa.)
Next child plays the ball. Bright trophies. Maybe child is… famous? Famous! Famous child makes the Christmas giddies too big for Santa's belly, and Santa spills his Christmas. But quietly! Snap, snap, wrap wrap. Just a little extra Christmas on the bed. Lucky child. Lucky, famous child.
Big childs come last. Two big childs. Why so much in houses there is two big childs in one big bed? Christmas mystery. Oh well. Both at once? Yes. Santa is impatient. There is much Christmas to be done.
BUT! Is that all the childs? Really all? Is there… a sneaky child? Clever child? Fun little hide-and-go-seeking-for-Christmas child? Santa listens for hidden breathing.
Down in the basement? (Nope, nope.)
Up in the attic? (Naught but dust.)
In the back of the cupboard behind the big coats? (…)

(…)

(…)

(…)

FOUND YOU!!!

Santa knew the whole time. It was a Christmas joke. (Santa has very good hearing.)
Now all the childs are gathered for Christmas fun. Santa reaches into his magic sack (secret!) and pulls out… Christmas lights! Strings and strings and strings. Decorate time! So festive. So fun. Lights go in and out. In and out. Crisscross and through-and-through and tight, tight, tight. One child doesn't get decorated though. Don't be sad, child! You get the greatest gift of all. But first! Plug in the lights.
The childs glow bright. They glow inside and outside and all around. Glow like a yule log on a Christmas fire. Pretty. So pretty. Christmas fun.
Santa dangles them outside so everyone can see. There's a lot of Christmas juice going to waste, so Santa uses it to write "MERRY CHRISTMAS!" extra big on the house. (At least Santa tries. North Pole has no schools or teachers for Santa, but Santa tries his very best.) There. That's better.
Santa takes a moment to appreciate his work.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Good job, Santa.
Oh yes! The child. Child goes in Santa's magic sack (secret!) with all the other good little boys and girls. Sack childs get the very very very best Christmas present: to live with Santa in the North Pole as his good little workshop elves forever and ever! (Or until elves needs recycling. (Santa is not running a charity. (Santa also gets peckish.)))
Okay. Time to go. But not yet! Santa can't resist watching. Pick a tree. Any tree. Up, up. Sneaky, sneaky. Mustn't be seen.
Santa looks down at all the good little boys and girls who have gathered from far and wide to enjoy Santa's display! Santa loves all the little childs. Santa loves the spinny lights on their silly cars. And their silly guns. Sometimes they shoot Santa as a Christmas joke. Such good little boys and girls.
All childs are good little boys and girls, really. There are no naughty childs in Santa's eyes. Santa is kind. Santa is forgiving. Every child deserves Christmas. And every child will get it.