Agent Doctor Merry Soo was the greatest researcher and operative the Foundation had ever known. And at the age of seventeen, she was also the youngest! Joining the Foundation straight out of her amazing year at West Point, where she simultaneously managed four years' worth of study at the top of her class and stood out as the absolutely most physically perfect student.
The Foundation was lucky to have her. Almost all of senior Staff said so! "She is true credit to spirit of working operative!" Captain Strelnikov was often heard to remark. "No one can handle an SCP like her! And she knows just the spot behind my ears to scratch to make my leg thump!" Doctor Crow was known to say. "She's not bad." Doctor Snorlison once remarked. He was immediately given a stern talking to by the site staff, after which he requested to change his comment to "We wouldn't be able to do all this without her!"
And, although it's not something she liked anyone to judge her by, she was also the prettiest girl on site! The other women on site knew it too. "I could never be as pretty as Agent Doctor Soo." Rights had been heard to lament. But Merry was such a good person, they couldn't hold it against her. They loved her! Even Dr. Light, a well known sour-puss, had said, through oddly clenched teeth, "We could never hold that against her. She's such a good person. We love her."
It was Agent Doctor Soo who figured out how to keep the D-class from having to be terminated every month! After all, a simple memory wipe, and a piece of SCP-500 (which she had also figured out how to easily replicate) and the Foundation no longer had to kill anyone! And then she was assigned to SCP-231, where she was able to rescue that poor girl, and stop her from undergoing those HORRID experiments. She had a stern talk with SCP-082, and convinced him not to eat human flesh anymore. Of course, her greatest achievement was when she confronted SCP-173. All he ever really wanted was a hug, and some SCP-500 to stop that horrible blood in the feces problem of his. She also got a sculptor in to make him look a little friendlier. She was even the only one to point out how that old man seemed to always be around, but he just patted her on the head and walked away.
But Agent Doctor Merry Soo did not lead a life free of worry, oh no! She had many, many, horrible problems! She would often cry about them to her many lovers. "It is so awful!" She cried, her head resting gently against Kondraki's chest.
"What is?" Dr. Kondraki would have frowned, but he could never frown around the delightful Merry. No matter how much he might have wanted to.
"My horrible, awful secret! If you knew it, you would not love me anymore!" And she cried against his manly chest.
"Oh." Kondraki exclaimed. It took a few more minutes of her telling him about how he would not love her, and how horrible her secret was, before he finally had to, really had to, ask her "What secret?"
"Oh! My love! It is terrible!" And she threw herself from the bed weeping. Another hour or so of such passed, before she finally deigned to tell him the secret. "You see my dear, sweet Konnie, I am half dragon! I know this does not make me an SCP, as I am only half, but it is terrible, and awful! Also, occasional scales in weird places."
"Well, I guess that explains why your mouth is so hot when you…" But that was not the least of her problems! NO! Merry Soo had many more problems!
"They can never know, my truest love!" she exclaimed as she cuddled up next to Able. The once horrible SCP, turned loving boyfriend, grunted in response. Despite their true love, and the feelings only they had for each other, or perhaps, because of the depth of such emotions, Able found he could barely talk in her presence. The fact that he could not keep his hands from clenching either bore no impact on this story.
"They can never know that I bear your child! It is with love I bear it, and thanks to my keen use of SCPs, I will not look it, but our child will be here soon!" She quickly fled his presence. Soon after she left, Site-52 was destroyed in a Keter Class outbreak, but that doesn't matter.
Doctor Clef would have been her lover, but for some reason he vanished before she could talk to him. Weird.
"My sweet, sweet Gearsy-poo!" She stroked his head as it lay upon her chest. Dr. Gears' mouth twitched upwards, in a bizarre smile. It was true, she was the only one who could still reach his cold, cold heart. She made him happy, truly she did. "I have to thank you!"
"For… For What?" Dr. Gears always had trouble getting his words out around dear, sweet Agent Doctor Merry Soo. It was a fight, to get them out at all, as if his brain wanted to say things his heart would never speak. "For keeping the dreadful secret of mine my sweet! The other Senior Staff must never know that my father was the Fis-" But she was not a girl to be defined by her loves, many though they were! She was also a first-class researcher!
"Thank you Merry!" Gerald was oft heard to exclaim. No one quite knew how to put out a head fire like sweet Agent Soo! And her dutiful Assistants, Agent Elroy and Dr. Mann were always glad to be working under such a renowned scientist! "She really showed me a thing or two about anatomy!" Mann remarked to Yoric. "And she's saved my life so many times! It seems like I can't do anything but screw up!"
"She's perfectly sane," Dr. Glass once said. "Perfectly. Do you know how odd that is?" He then had to go lay down to stop his nose from bleeding.
But it was her relationship with her Mentor, Dr. Bright, that was most important to her. "Oh, Jack!" She remarked, as she stroked his soft fur. "Do not worry. One day, I will find a way to free you from that cursed amulet."
The Monkey smiled up at her, proud of the work his star pupil had done. "So, uh, I get some nookie now too, right?" he asked with a leer.
Soo could not help but blush. "Oh, Dr. Bright, I could never, not with you! You are like a father to me! A hairy, weird, kinda smelly father, who keeps touching my butt, but still a father!" Bright just rolled his eyes, and nodded his head to someone just out the door.
"Doctor Agent Merry Soo!" Agent Break called out, rushing in, looking worried. "We have a problem, one only you can fix! We need you, and we need you now!"
Dr. Soo rushed to follow Break, to notice the rest of the Senior Staff gathered round. It was Heiden who stepped forward, for some reason, with half of a straw clutched in his left hand. "Dr. Soo, thank god you're here!" He pointed down the hall. "Something weird is happening, you have to stop it!"
Agent Doctor Merry Soo rushed down the hall to the room in question, as the other Senior Staff rushed into a nearby safe room/observation chamber. The room Merry found herself in was huge, but she could see the Senior Staff watching her from way up above. She waved to them, even as she heard the sound of a door opening behind her. Wait… When did Clef join them?
What she thought didn't matter. One snap, two bites, and little miss Merry Soo was gone, vanishing into the gullet of the beast known as SCP-682.
Up above, Clef hit a second button, turning on the acid sprayers, driving 682 back into its pit. The other Senior Staff sighed, patted each other on the back, thanked Clef, and walked away, many of them to take long hot showers.
In the end, it was just Clef and Bright watching 682 dissolve under the spray of acid. "That was some quick thinking there, Alto," the monkey commented.
"I've seen too many of them come through here, trying to beat us by joining us. They can never keep under the radar."
"Never?" Bright spared a knowing look for his old comrade.
"Well." Clef couldn't help but grin. "Maybe once."
The two, if not friends, then co-workers, turned their gaze on the pit again, and, in a sign that they had both been working together for far too long, heaved identical sighs, and spoke the same words together.
"Fucking Mary Sues."