Acquisitions and Review. One of the names in The Foundation that can send staff into convulsions. After Agents and MTF squads get something caged, have the remains mopped up and minds scrubbed, A and R have the job of figuring out what in the hell comes next. Something of a patchwork group, they work with all ranges of Agents, staff and security, working out initial SCP documents and trying to minimize the body count, while also setting up research goals. All in all, it's one of the more stressful jobs in an organization that views a total stress-induced mental collapse as a minor lost-time event.
All this was sitting in the forefront of Agent Poly's mind when he saw Agent Shun sitting across from him in the lunch room, smiling. Poly was reasonably sure the last time Shun had smiled was when SCP-914 had turned a dead pig into a pile of bacon, and that had been more than eight months ago.
“The hell is wrong with you?”
Shun grinned, sporting a mock confused look. “Why, whatever do you mean?”
“You look entirely too pleased with yourself to be working here.”
Shun waved a hand, leaning back in his chair. “I'm just glad to be alive… and have my caseload for the week done.”
Poly sputtered, nearly gagging on his coke. “What the hell? You… what? You had at least three new cases, and I know one will end up Keter! What black magic is this, and share immediately.”
“You know that saying, many hands make light work?” Shun grinned like a cat with a mouthful of feathers. “Well, I've just got the right hands to rely on.”
“You will tell me your dark secrets, or I will soak your underpants in meat before your next 682 review.”
“Ok, so remember that memo we got a few months back, about the new processing site they set up in Egypt?”
Poly nodded slowly, scraping back in his memory. “Yeah… wasn't it some co-op deal with ORIA defectors or something?”
Shun bobbed his head, leaning in with a quick sideways glance. “It's got a few, yes, but it's more a warehouse site, for review items coming from all over the middle east. The thing is, it's also listed as a hub site, which means they can take any and all items up for transport…”
Poly's eyes widened “… like initial review items. But, how the hell would you shift them like that without catching hell? You can't just pass the buck.”
“That's just the thing. The head of review, Agent Melike, is apparently a glutton for punishment. I started talking to her on a review project, and she actually entered a request to take over the review. On-site. Signed the transport orders and everything. I just had to forward the case notes, and in about a week she sent a complete SCP proposal.”
Poly sat back heavily, shaking his head. “Good lord. And you just sat on this? While I struggled and worried if I'm working on a second heart attack.”
“Hey, it's not like that… just… wanted to make sure it was really happening first, I would have told you.”
“Uh huh, yeah, I… wait, what was the Agent again?”
“Who? Oh, the one at the new hub? Agent Melike.”
Poly furrowed his brow, looking to the side. “… That's a weird name, even for this place.”
“It's Turkish, apparently, something royal or the like, like Magnus or something.”
Poly looked at Shun, questioning. “… How long has this girl been here?”
Shun pulled back a bit, feeling suddenly defensive. “Well, I don't know… a few months, maybe? It's not like I'm dating her or something, we just talk and trade research.”
“A few months… Shun, when was the last time you heard of anyone with less than two years invested being able to sign transport requests.”
Shun froze, an icy drip rolling down his spine. “… S-she's probably a transfer, from another staff unit. Like when we got Harp after Finn degenerated.”
“We would have been notified of a transfer, even overseas. Remember, we always get those bullshit secured email notices you have to sign and reply to.”
“… oh god.”
Poly pushed out his chair, rising quickly. “Let's go to security… maybe they just forgot or something.”
Poly was in too much of a rush to catch Shun whispering quietly “Please god…”

Theft Report 0012 – 3
Aux: BC Folio

It was brought to the attention of Site Command at Site 42 that a possible breach of security had been noted. Acquisitions and Review reported an unknown Agent “Melike” had been corresponding and accepting new item transfers. Central Records reported no “Agent Melike” on file for the past three years, and no new hub sites opened in the Egypt area for the last six years.
All item transfers en-route were shunted to the nearest site, and all in-process requests for transfer were canceled. All suspect documents were seized and submitted to Security for immediate priority review. SCP documents sent by “Agent Melike” show little to no knowledge of Foundation function, comprised of basic review and dense scientific jargon that, after review, have no real validity. Transfer documents show that the delivery address is a disused loading dock, which has been abandoned for ten years.
Interrogation of transfer and delivery staff revealed that staff was greeted by an agent identifying herself as “Agent Rook”, who provided all necessary security documents and signatures. Review of these documents have shown all to be expert forgeries. Network review has revealed access of several security nodes and form depositories by Agent Pike, who has been reported MIA for two weeks. His network card was somehow kept active well beyond the normal automatic termination limit, and it is believed that this is how the documents and security information were acquired. Transport staff believed the drop location was a covert transfer site.
MTF teams responding to the “Hub Site” location in the “Agent Melike” documents found an abandoned office building at the given location. Investigation turned up nothing but two vagrants on the main floors, but the basement was found to contain one desk, a chess board, and a poster. The poster was of “The Turk”, an automaton built in 1770 that could play chess, having the appearance of a “Turk” at a large table with a chess board before it. The Turk was later revealed to have been a hoax, with a small man hidden in a secret compartment under the table.
It is currently believed that the theft of twelve SCP-class items has been perpetrated by the “Black Queen”. Due to the limited review and understanding of the items at the time of theft, tracking is proving exceptionally difficult. Many items have already been refiled under “Lost” with Central Records. Further action is suspended until initial damage and loss reports are filed.

Memo: O5-8
Re: Black Queen.
She used our own goddamn security against us. It's supposed to insulate sections, so nobody knows too much, or gets unneeded information… and she used it to drain us like a stuck pig. We're going to have to go through a total security theory review, and liquidate the department until we get it sorted out. Thousands of man hours are going to be squandered while we look for the thumb up our collective asses. O5-3 has been drinking Pepto like it's soda. I want this bitch found.

Change the rules…
Kriegspiel
Or keep to tradition.
Queen To Pawn