I am an SCP author.

Yes, thank you very much. You are absolutely correct.

It is, in fact, quite the achievement.

You see, not everyone can be part of such a refined writing community.

See that guy over there?

I´ll bet he's posting on Wattpad, I tell ya.

Oh, I know "authors" like this, you can see the pro-shipping scum dripping out of their pores, don't you?

Dis-GUS-ting!

We littérateurs on the SCP Wiki will not allow such figures on our site, no we don't. We have requirements, you know? Demands, standards, yes … very high standards indeed, my friend.

Have you seen our Ideas&Drafts forum? I ask you, where can you find such fine craftsmanship anywhere else?

No, I do not read AO3! What are you even thinking?!

Suggesting I would waste my precious time on such platforms!

The idea alone … preposterous!

I think you need to see for yourself, the master-pieces on our site!

You know people are calling us the next Dicks and Asimovs?

Like - like Philip K. Dick?

…

There are stories on this site - oh boy, they will go down in the history of literature!

Especially this one!

…

And?

What - what do you think?

Incredible writing, isn't it?

…

How about this one, then? See, it got over 1500 Plus-points!

One of the highest-ranking articles on the site, a classic!

…

Oh - oh that part's the best!

Always makes me laugh, ha ha …

…

Hm?

What - what do you mean?

Excuse me ..?

Con - Conservative?!

My friend, I must tell you that this is one of the MOST progressive writing communities anywhere on the web!

Conservative writing - I cannot believe how you can come to such a conclusion?

There is absolutely nothing conservative about a secret organization jailing anomalies in underground facilities to uphold an artificial status quo!

Nothing!

What - it's supposed to be subversive!

I bet you don't even know what subversive means, don't you?

Ah, I should've known … pearls before swines.

What?

No - no no no, that story got rewritten ages ago!

Here, see?!

…

Yes, I know, I know, it was quite bad, but -

Okay, I'm not sure why that one is still up here, but this is old SCP. You have to read the new ones!

No, not that one, that is obviously a joke article, can't you tell?

Yes - yes it is, see the -J on the title?

… the J stands for joke.

Like - like J in - in Joke … see?

…

But - but these are just articles no one reads anyway.

Amateurs - no idea how they even got into the wiki.

Must've slipped through the system, hehe …

…

What?

What do you mean, animation channels?

NO - no, they are not part of us! Those are just some clickbait youtubers, they are not authors!

How can you even believe …

Knockoff creepypasta??!!

NO?!

We are NOT "knockoff" creepypasta!

You - you know what?! Creepypasta is knockoff SCP!

"Jeff the Killer"? Ha - ha ha, that's - that is nothing compared to Bobbles The Clown!

Nothing!

(Is there a "Jeff the Killer" Skip?)

(Jesus Christ, please do not let there be a "Jeff the Killer" Skip …)

…

I fear you simply do not possess the intellectual maturity for us.

Maybe - you know, just go back to AO3 or wherever you came from.

Or go to RPC, I bet they will welcome you with open arms!

Yeah …

There he goes … idiot.

"Knockoff creepypasta" … the nerve!

…

But …

But what if …

…

What - what if …

A creepypasta would come to life and murder everyone!

Oh ho hoh, oh boy oh boy!

*Heads off to write SCP-8012: "Scary-faced Skin-Eater Lives Inside My Grandma's Closet"*