Hello, dearie.
Oh hush now, those stories are greatly over exaggerated. I am not a demon, and I most certainly am not hellspawn. My mother would take offense to that, you know. No need to be rude! That was down right mannerless. You should be ashamed. Now now, that's alright. We all make mistakes sometimes. I suppose it's not your fault anyways, the name they gave me is rather intimidating, isn't it? The "Toothed Goddess". Do I look like I have more than the average set of teeth? Well, yes, they are a tad whiter and straighter than the average lady's chompers, but I think "toothed" is a bit much, don't you? Jane. Call me Jane, dearie. No, I insist! All this numerical nonsense fuddles my mind, and "Goddess" is a bit too formal for what I have in mind. I was hoping you and I could have a chat. That's all. Just a little chat, no harm in words, right?
What do I want to talk about? Well, I am the alleged "Toothed Goddess" aren't I? A little grandiose, but I do enjoy discussing those little pearls. I mean, that's all I do, isn't it? Babble on about the little gems people have hidden up under their gums? Hardly warrants them keeping me locked up here if I do say so. I doubt they go around locking up other people who talk about teeth. But I suppose that's my lot in life, isn't it? Take you for example, I'm sure whatever you did to get here is much worse than whatever silly thing they accused me of. Hmmm, I'd rather show you. It doesn't quite…translate, when I explain it. I want us to try a little something, if you don't mind. No, I'm not going to force you to do anything. No, I don't have any kind of super powers. No, I'm not going to-what are those people telling you out there?! I just want to talk! And, I want you to listen. That's all. Now, let's chat, shall we?
Teeth. Tell me, do you floss? Everyday? Lies, I know you don't. I can tell. Your dentist doesn't bother you about it every time you drop by for nothing, does he? Yes, well, maybe you should take better care. Those are your adult teeth, aren't they? They're not going to grow back, you know. Go on, run your tongue over them. Smooth, aren't they? Like little, slippery pieces of linoleum stuck up in your gums. I know this may be an odd request, but could you touch one? That one, the upper lateral incisor. Hmff. Top tooth, next to your two front teeth. Yes, that one. Go ahead, touch it. Oh please, I'm asking you to poke your tooth, not rob a bank! Just take your index finger, and…touch it. You did it with your tongue, didn't you? Just…there we go.
Feel it. Still smooth, isn't it? Hard to imagine something on the human body can be so perfectly smooth. Make sure you take it all in. No one knows your teeth like you do. No one knows about that subtle little hitch, that little bump, those itty bitty ridges from where it erupted. No one knows the exact curve and length, except for you. Why can't you take better care of something that is so innately part of you? Still touching it? Go on, experiment a little. Ooh, did you feel that? Push on it again. Gently, now. Feel that slight give? No one would be able to tell looking at it, but you can feel it, can't you? You can feel it, that tiniest bit of wiggle. That microscopic give when you ever so gently press it. Makes you shiver a bit, doesn't it?
Now, I want you to gently, ever so gently, pinch it. With your forefinger and thumb, grip the very tip…there we go. Go on now, this isn't anything your teeth wouldn't experience if you brushed them every once in a while. You're not hurting anything, are you? You're just touching. Nothing wrong with that. You can feel it now, can't you? That wiggle? No, I'm not doing anything. Your teeth are just naturally loose. You may not realize it, but your teeth aren't actually part of your head. I know, bear with me. They may be there, but they aren't part of it. Sure, they fit snugly, but they're just attached is all. No more, no less. A bit of flesh and nerve stringing those lumps of calcium to your gums. Starting to ache a bit now, isn't it? I know, it's almost a pleasant ache. You can get an almost perverted pleasure in the way they hurt, can't you? The way they press into your gums? It's starting to wiggle a bit more now, I can tell from here. You've loosened it, from just a little bit of pressure. Exciting, isn't it?
Teeth are fragile things, dearie. They aren't meant to be used like that. You keep wiggling, now. You'll be disappointed if you stop. That ache, that bit of relief from where it shlocks back and forth; you wouldn't have that any more if you stopped. It's awfully loose now. Yes, it's visible from here. You can probably taste it now. A bit of iron on your tongue? Don't worry, that's perfectly normal. Don't stop. You know, I'm willing to bet it has a bit of give going up and down now, too. Why don't you try it? Only a bit? Well, that's fine. Just keep working at it. Ooh, I bet that feels nice. That ache. That soreness building deep down? That's the root, dearie. You've got it wiggled so much you can feel the root. Don't stop.
Pull your lips up, I want to see. Ooh, yes, I can see the gums moving with it now. They're following it around like chewed bubblegum on a stick. It's a delightful picture. No, don't stop, I can almost see it. Twist it. Yes, twist it I want to see, it's so close, so loose! I bet you can taste it, can't you? Don't stop now. Keep twisting. Hear that? That little pop? Is it easier now? Shhh, don't cry. The pain will be worth it. You've almost got it. Keep going. I can see it. I can see the root. Pop. Pop pop pop. Almost. Don't stop. You've got to sever the nerve, dearie. Just one more. One more little pop. You're so close, don't stop now. You came this far, didn't you? Keep going. One more. One more-
-aaaahhh…Mmmm, yes, that is nice, isn't it? Go on, explore! There's no harm. Your tongue's never been there before, let it slide into that little gap. Yes, see? I told you you'd enjoy it. Don't cry, dearie. Shhh, give it here. Let Jane see. Mmmm, this is a nice one, isn't it? Oh, no, this is mine now. Yes, if it weren't for me, it wouldn't be out right now, would it? It's only fair. I knew you'd agree. Why don't you go ask the nice scientists if they'll give you some aspirin? I'm sure if you ask nicely, yes. Go on now.
Hmmm? I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that. You have a bit of a lisp now, for some strange reason. Am I what? Am I the tooth fairy? Oh, hee hee, oh my, dearie, no. I'm not the tooth fairy. I'm the Toothed Goddess.