FADE IN:
INT. APARTMENT - EVENING
As the camera fades in, we get a glimpse of the apartment. It is very small, but in a comfy way. The walls are mustard-yellow, but you wouldn't be able to tell just by looking because posters with pictures of a new popular K-Pop band cover at least 90% of the wall. A milk jug filled with a Mountain Dew-colored substance slowly drifts across the ceiling.
The camera pans left. The milk jug drifts out of frame and a desk comes in. On this desk is a cage, with a domestic rabbit inside looking as bored as rabbits are capable of looking. The rabbit is white, with puffy fur billowing from all sides. A person without a knack for describing animals might compare it to a cotton ball, which is why its owner has decided to bless it with the name COTTONBALL.
10 seconds later, the door to the apartment opens quietly. COTTONBALL does not react. The door-opener comes into frame, quickly shuts the door, and then before the door's echo fades she is at COTTONBALL's cage, letting the viewer see her clearly.
JUNIOR RESEARCHER

HELLO MY BEAUTIFUL BUNNY!!!!!

This is JUNIOR RESEARCHER, and although she doesn't have a name in her limited canonical appearances, that doesn't mean she doesn't have a personality. She has normal length hair that is clearly taken care of, but is unfortunately cursed with never looking it, and her face is arranged in a way that is not conventionally attractive, but acceptable to look at. Her body is not exactly skinny, but not fat by any polite stretch of the word. She is carrying an opaque bag that will be important later.
JUNIOR RESEARCHER continues cooing at COTTONBALL.
JUNIOR RESEARCHER

(in cutesy voice)
Who's the most beautiful bunny?? Is it you? It is you! Awwww, bun bun bun bun bun~

COTTONBALL is unresponsive.
JUNIOR RESEARCHER

I am going to pet you right now

JUNIOR RESEARCHER pets COTTONBALL.
The pet lasts for a while. COTTONBALL is unresponsive. JUNIOR RESEARCHER, however, is clearly pleased as she stops giving pets.
JUNIOR RESEARCHER

(excitedly)
Guess what I got you?????

JUNIOR RESEARCHER reaches into the aforementioned bag and pulls out a pair of 12cm wide pink earmuffs. She rubs her hands on them and feels how soft they are. She is making a subtle "wow, that's soft" face.
JUNIOR RESEARCHER

I got you these ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL earmuffs to put on my ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL boy!

JUNIOR RESEARCHER opens COTTONBALL's cage and lifts COTTONBALL out, slowly. She carefully sets him on the desk, next to some unfinished reports. COTTONBALL steps on a report for an SCP that isn't released yet, but JUNIOR RESEARCHER quickly lifts him up and repositions him to an empty spot. COTTONBALL decides to just accept whatever this is.
JUNIOR RESEARCHER puts the earmuffs onto COTTONBALL. They fit suprisingly well around COTTONBALL's ears considering they were designed for humans.
JUNIOR RESEARCHER

Oh my gosh you look so cute in those!! Let me get a picture…

COTTONBALL collapses into an infinitely small point.
The earmuffs succumb to gravity and hit the desk. JUNIOR RESEARCHER picks them up. A deafening silence fills the room.

JUNIOR RESEARCHER

what the fuck

FADE OUT.

Item Description: A set of 12 cm wide pink earmuffs. When worn by any member of the Oryctolagus cuniculus (domestic rabbit) species, said rabbit will collapse into an infinitely small point and dissipate.
Date of Recovery: 2-14-2016
Location of Recovery: Junior Researcher █████'s apartment in Inglewood, CA
Current Status: Stored at Site-██
Note: Someone's gotta discover these things I guess… - Junior Researcher █████