Dr. Edward A. Llewellyn, Esq.
Senior Researcher
Mail Box 3795, Site-██
gro.noitadnuof|nyllewellae#gro.noitadnuof|nyllewellae
27 December 20██
O5-1 through O5-13
The Overseer Council
[DATA EXPUNGED]
gro.noitadnuof|uoyeesnaci#gro.noitadnuof|uoyeesnaci
To the Overseer Council,
Gentlemen, it has come to my attention that the Système international d'unités (SI), upon which we base our work's measurement, has become strained by over-efficient use in the Foundation. We have researchers able to translate liters to cubic meters in an instant; containment specialists who understand the relationship between a milliliter of water and the gram; and even Class-D personnel who can reliably conceptualize between nanometers and hectometers. This threatens the very lifeblood of the Foundation.
How can we consider ourselves a proper, oversized bureaucracy if not burdened by unnecessary processes? How can the Foundation survive without the constant turnover of frustrated personnel? How can we pursue our mission to Secure, Contain, Protect if not inhibited by constant miscommunication?
The answer is simply, we cannot.
However, the solution to our crisis must be one of extreme convolution; one to minimize understanding and familiarity at all costs, while remaining applicable to the Foundation's research. Neither the metric system, which has resulted in our present predicament, nor the Imperial system, too familiar for our numerous Liberian and Burmese colleagues, can serve this purpose. Therefore, I have found another.
Deep in the heart of the internet, there exists a system of measurements known as “FFF” for “Freedom from Foundations” “Fortississimo” “Furlong/Firkin/Fortnight”. These units, equivalent to 201.17 m (220 yd), 40.82 kg (90 lbs) and 1.21x106 s (14 days) respectively, provide the very sense of confusion that the Foundation demands. I outline this system in more depth for your humble appreciation in the annex of this letter.
The furlong/firkin/fortnight system, in its advantages, is neither decimal nor universal, nor recognizable to most personnel. Its internal relationship is more incoherent than the Imperial system and its base units are entirely impractical. The FFF system is the antithesis of the efficacy of the Système international d'unités, and thus serves to answer the Foundation's most vital prayers.
I admonish you, please heed my advice and abandon the Système international d'unités without haste, and adopt furlongs, firkins and fortnights. If these shadows of order remain unchanged, I see chambers filled with anomalous entities where empty chairs once sat.
Very respectfully,
Dr. Edward A. Llewellyn, Esq.
Senior Researcher, Site-██

Annex: Units of the FFF System

+ Base units of the FFF system:

- Base units of the FFF system:

Furlong (fur), distance
Firkin (fir), mass
Fortnight (ftn), time
Fahrenheit (°F), temperature
Franklin (Fkn), current
Ferrum (fer), amount
Friedrich (Fdh), luminous intensity

+ Derived units of the FFF system:

- Derived units of the FFF system:

Flach (fch), area; furlong2
Fysiek (fys), volume; furlong3
Firebird (fbd), velocity; furlong/fortnight
Faster (fas), acceleration; furlong/fortnight2
Feroarje (frj), jerk; furlong/fortnight3
Flytta (fta), jounce; furlong/fortnight4
Frekvenco (fkc), frequency; cycle/fortnight
Frequens (fqs), density; firkin/furlong3
Flytting (ftg), momentum; {firkin-furlong}/fortnight
Forgas (fgs), spin; {furlong2-firkin}/fortnight
Fuinneamh (fnh), energy; {furlong2- firkin}/fortnight2
Forog (frg), torque; {furlong2- firkin}/fortnight2
Fatica (fat), work; {furlong2- firkin}/fortnight2
Forta (for), power; {furlong2- firkin}/fortnight3
Fuarce (frc), force; {furlong-firkin}/fortnight2
Fesar (fes), pressure; firkin/{fortnight2-furlong}
Fay (fay), charge; franklin-fortnight
Fai-faa (ffa), potential difference; {furlong2-firkin}/{fortnight3-franklin}
Fuente (fnt), inductance; {furlong2-firkin}/{fortnight2-franklin2}
Farad (Far), capacitance; {fortnight4-franklin2}/{furlong2-firkin}
Fankang‎ (fan), resistance; {furlong2-firkin}/{fortnight3-franklin2}
Fuhrung (fuh), conductance; {fortnight3-franklin2}/{furlong2-firkin}
Fofo (ffo), heat capacity; {firkin-furlong2}/{franklin-fortnight2}

+ Additional accepted units:

- Additional accepted units:

Fathom (ftm), depth; 1/110 of a furlong
Finger (fin), length; 1/10,560 of a furlong
Fother (foh), mass; 28 firkins
Fotmal (fot), mass; 14/15 of a firkin
Flask (fsk), mass; 38/45 of a firkin
Frasilah (fsh), mass; 7/18 of a firkin
Friedman (fdn), time; [the next] 12 fortnights
Feddan (fed), area; 1/10 of a furlong2
Foe (foe), energy; 1.2x1040 furlong-firkins
Fixture (fix), flow; 7/99,825 of a furlong3/fortnight
Fresnel (Fsn), frequency; 1.21x1018 cycles/fortnight

+ Prefixes for multiples/fractions:

- Prefixes for multiples/fractions:

hella- (X), 1027
yotta- (Y), 1024
zetta- (Z), 1021
exa- (E), 1018
peta- (P), 1015
tera- (T), 1012
giga- (G), 109
mega- (M), 106
myria- (Я), 104
kilo- (K), 103
hecto- (H), 102
deka- (D), 101
pluri- (Π), 21

semi- (s), 2-1
deci- (d), 10-1
centi- (c), 10-2
milli- (m), 10-3
dimi- (м), 10-4
micro- (μ), 10-6
nano- (n), 10-9
pico- (p), 10-12
femto- (f), 10-15
atto- (a), 10-18
zepto- (z), 10-21
yocto- (y), 10-24
hiwa- (χ), 10-27