It was your average day at Site-42. Tiny celebrities running about, researchers using memetic expletives, flesh-eating parasites in a vacuum-sealed glass; all the norm. The guards were stirring as they began to contain the latest Keter anomaly recovered from Goi-466 'Wilson's Wildlife Solutions.'
In a nearby cell, the cactus sat idly, thinking to itself about its predicament.
"i am thirsty", thought poky.
"Yeah, me and you both little guy." Carnegias snarked.
"where is the mortal with the water"
"They don't come for another two hours. You realize it comes at the exact same time every day, right? We've been here for five moons!"
"what is a moon"
"It's literally in the name of your species."
"oh"
Suddenly, powerful tremors started shifting the entire facility. The flower pot holding the cactus started to shake on the table supporting it.
Carnegias happily thought to themselves, "Oh my void, it's happening! I've been waiting for this day for ages, the Titans are loose!"
"my roots are shaking"
"Oh great Titans, hear my plea! Rescue the all-powerful Elder God Carnegias!"
It was at this moment that the flower pot supporting the Cactus fell and shattered on the concrete flooring. The Cactus was exposed, no longer under the sturdy protection of its container. The Cactus laid idly by, thinking to itself about its predicament.
"oh no"
"Oh ye void! Our plan is ruined! The Titans will never hear my cries down here!"
It was at this moment, the Cactus realized that there was nobody who could help them. poky and Carnegias lay idly on the floor, trembling to the power of the earthquakes. Yes, nobody would ever be able to help poky and Carnegias escape this sticky-
BOOM!

The gate to the cactus' containment cell blasts open! The gate flew upwards into the ceiling, going upwards into the sky before appearing as nothing more than a twinkle. The ceiling crumbles as a large gate-shaped hole is left in the remains.
"Look, poky! An exit! It's our escape!
"i do not want to escape yet"
"How, in the millions of dimensions that a variation of yourself exists in, could POSSIBLY want to stay here?"
"i want to see the doggy"
Standing where the gateway was formerly intact stood a being that neither poky nor Carnegias had ever seen before. The beast had long, curved legs almost six times larger than the cactus. The creature had short, stubby arms and had a tail measuring twice as long than the table the cactus formerly sat upon and had a small tag attached to its paw reading as 'Ringo'.
Carnegias was astonished at the sight.
"What in void's name is that? A giant rodent?"
"it is a doggy", thought poky.
"I don't care what it is, it's nothing but-"
Carnegias was interrupted when Ringo stretched his neck down and took a nibble out of the side of poky.
"OH VOID! VOID! It's trying to consume us! You need to stop it! The Great Carnegias cannot perish to a rodent!"
"it tickles"
"Fool! You're going to get us killed! Use our power to stop it!"
"i will not harm the doggy"
As Ringo curiously inspected every detail of the cactus, the old roo' naively grasped the cactus by its exposed root.
"Okay, listen here buddy. If you don't do exactly what I say, this 'doggy' is going to eat us. Do you understand?"
"it is so cute though"
"WHY WON'T YOU LISTEN TO ME YOU !̡̦͚̬$̦%͚̦̫̠#̟̘̙͎@͖̠͈̬̦͚̯$͉̠̣͈̦̥!͇̦̟*&̝̗̜^̷̗̳̥̤̲͉$̞̺̯̀!͙̺̳̻͡!̭̪͎͓̗̟!̧̻̟͖̠͚!!!"
Ringo took the cactus and placed it upon his head, adorning himself with a spiky and sapient crown. He took care not to poke himself as he moved it to the side in a slick style. The kangaroo was looking quite handsome in his new headwear.
"Bingo! Now is our chance little buddy, hold on tight!"
poky attempted to describe its excitement as best as it could. "we get to ride the doggy yay"
Ringo took a minute to observe his surroundings before spotting the gaping hole in the ceiling.
"We're doing it poky! We're getting out of here!"
"mush doggy mush", thought poky.
Ringo made sure to time his jump with elegance. The Cactus clung to the top of the creature as it took one big leap upwards at the ceiling hole. The Creature nailed the landing, causing a massive tremor upon contact.
As our heroes begin to make its way to the exit gate, they're suddenly stopped in their tracks by a group of five unknown characters. They were dressed in green military outfits, with the capital letters 'CI' stitched onto their vests.
"YAHAHAHAHA!!" Belched the leader. "You fell right into our trap, Ringo! Submit to the Chaos Insurgency, one way or another!."
Ringo began to quiver at the sight of the Insurgents; the firearms, as well as the uniforms, caused the poor old buck to relive several painful memories. The cactus idly clung to the roo, thinking to itself about its predicament.
"carnegias i'm scared"
"It's all going to work out for us poky. Just listen to me, and we will make it out just fine."
"You haven't much time left, Ringo!!"
"Three."
The Insurgents take several steps towards our heroes. One of the Insurgents open a large burlap sack; Ringo begins to tremble. The Insurgents continue to countdown.
"Two-"
Ringo takes one massive leap in the air. The Insurgents freeze, unable to stop the event about to happen. The cactus clung to Ringo's cranium, unable to comprehend the tragedy about to strike.

KA-BOOM!

Ringo sticks the landing! The Insurgents stumble as the ground beneath them cracks and crumbles. The ground begins to cave, creating a large gaping hole. One by one, the Insurgents begin to fall, cursing at Ringo mid-descent.
The cactus idly clung to Ringo, thinking to itself about this predicament.
"wow"
"…well alright then, that was much easier than expected."
"the doggy can help us escape now"
"The obstacles in our way are now next to none. So yes; this doggy is going to get us out of here."
With our heroes at Gate A entrance of Site-42, Ringo hops the three of them outside of the facility. The sun is setting; the cactus bathes in the warming sunlight as Ringo took in a deep breath of the fresh air. With freedom only moments away, Ringo begins to hop west into the sunset; free at last.
…or were they?

While our heroes may have finally escaped Site-42, have they managed to completely escape the grasp of the Foundation? Are they truly safe?
The answers to these questions will be answered next time, on Poky Ball Z!

This is my lolFoundation entry for the SCP OCT contest! Please read my opponent Captain Kirby's tale here, he's one heck of an author!

More works by HotColes

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Tales

Here, We Only Got One Rule: Never, Ever Let It Cool

Poky Ball Z

GoI Formats

Critter Profile: Ringo!

Nobody's Observations on Temporal Displacement, Family, and Waffles

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