...This is bananas.
Marcus Nakamura stayed silent with fear as the armored van carrying him and Dr. Pearl Watkins rumbled softly down the road to who knows where.
Things had taken a very sudden turn of events. One moment, you're being interrogated by an EPA agent about a mutated banana pipefish. Next, you're being rushed out a door because said banana pipefish (Which somehow grew legs) ate something called a D-Class, and the man interrogating you pushes you out the door, throws a bag over your head and then shoves you into a van with an armed guard sitting in between you and your colleague.
Marcus was beginning to have his doubts about this man's credibility. What the hell is going on? Marcus felt his neck beginning to sweat as a number of fears began to hit him all at once. Is this man even with the EPA? All this talk about mutant fish and — and — what is gong on?!
Meanwhile, in the driver's seat, Foundation Agent Matthew Liu was weaving his way through traffic, trying to get off the main road so he could get back to Site-71 as soon as possible. He occasionally glanced in the rearview mirror to make sure the two scientists weren't trying to pull anything. Thankfully, it seemed they were too frozen with fear and confusion to try that. He felt a quick pang of guilt for being so rough with them on the way out, but that guilt was quickly replaced by annoyance. It was their own damn fault that they got caught up in this mess. You release a mutant fish into the wild, you think you'd be responsible to clean up after it.
Back in the back seat, Watkins began to cry.
Oh, no. Liu thought. Here we go.
"Why — hic — where are you taking us?!" Watkins managed to choke out. "What are you gonna do-do-do to us?! Please, please, I don't wanna die!"
"Pearl," Nakamura tried to calm his friend down. "It's okay, we're gonna be okay, all right?"
"Yes, yes, listen to Dr. Nakamura," Liu said still trying to concentrate on driving. "You're not going to die, Dr. Watkins, we just need your help. After you help us, you're free to go."
"You-you-you're kid — hic — napping us," Watkins voice was barely understandable between her tears and the bag over her head. "Are you g-g- hic gonna — Wh-who are you?!"
"I'll explain when we stop driving, Dr. Watkins," Matthew said, gritting his teeth. God, I don't wanna babysit these two.
"Agent Liu, should I sedate them for now?" The guard sitting between Nakamura and Watkins asked.
Watkins squeaked. Nakamura slumped.
"What? David, no, no, don't be stupid, don't freak them out," Matthew snapped. "We need them to trust us, okay? For now, just — just, I need you to stay quiet, all right? I promise, nothing's going to happen to either of you, all right? You're gonna be fine."
Matthew, Matthew, you there? The car's intercom flared to life again.
Matthew hurriedly flipped the radio to speaker. "Yeah, Morgan, I'm here, what's the situation? All good?"
Yeah, still under control. We got a team in and were able to knock the thing out. Just pumped it with a ton of tranqs. You know how this thing works though, it's always changing. It's out for now, but get your ass back here sooner than later. Wouldn't want it to eat those two you're bringing—
Liu turned the speakerphone off, quickly glancing in the mirror again. Ah, Jesus, I hope they didn't hear that last bit.
"Oh god, we're gonna die!"
"Mr. Liu? Please, please don't hurt us!"
"Uuggggggh," Matthew groaned and punched the accelerator. The sooner they got back to Site-71 the better.

Phillip Morgan, SCP-2761 wrangler, had one thought going through his head as he kept an eye on the yellow monster that was SCP-2761, or, as the staff of Site-71 had begun to call it, "Bananafish".
This is stupid.
"This is stupid," he said out loud. "No, no, this is really, really, really stupid."
As he sighed, his radio buzzed.
We're outside the gate, a familiar voice said. Matthew sounded more than a little annoyed. See you in five.
Phillip pressed the respond button. "Got it, Matt. See you soon. No problems on our end, you'll be cleared to enter."
Meanwhile, in its metal enclosure pen, SCP-2761 rumbled softly as it lay on its side, chock full of potent tranquilizers. Its yellow hide continued to exude the scent of bananas, masking the fact that its body contained what could basically be summed up as "Everything Cancer".
Except that "Everything Cancer" didn't kill it. Nooooooo, that Everything Cancer just made it a bigger pain in the ass every time it ate something. And now, it had just eaten D-5781-E, in a not so pretty fashion. And now, it had gone from a four-meter banana-salamander with teeth, to a five-meter banana-alligator. With much bigger teeth.
We're gonna need a clean-up crew in there as well. Phillip shook his head, groaning, and wondering what sorts of wrong would have to come together to make this absurd animal.
At that moment, the door to SCP-2761's door buzzed open.
Not even turning around, Phillip rolled his eyes. "About damn time, Matthew." Despite what he said, Phillip felt a wave of relief wash over him.
"Good to see you too, Morgan." Liu patted his old friend on the shoulder, then said a bit more softly. "We got company. Go easy on them okay? They're understandably a bit spooked."
"No problem." Phillip turned to greet the new arrivals. "So, you're from Aquagene?"
Morgan took a moment to take in the two scientists. Liu was right. They looked pretty damn terrified. The woman on the right looked like she actually might faint at any moment. She had black, thick-rimmed glasses and strikingly pink hair, almost like bubblegum. She was also rather skinny, which only accentuated her height; she stood a good ten centimeters above her colleague, though the Japanese man was shorter than average too. Even still, Phillip, a muscular Jamaican field agent, towered above both of them at 195.
The Japanese man was trying to remain calm. He's probably the senior scientist, maybe even the head, Morgan noted. He was a bit round, though not overweight, with prominent eyebrows and short salt-and-pepper hair.
Phillip walked up to the pair. "Hello. My name is Phillip Morgan, I'm one of the field agents that helped capture the animal you're going to study. I'm sorry we had to bring you in like that, but, we're trying to keep a low cover with this thing. Haven't seen anything like it before, and this place is supposed to be a secret."
Watkins' knees were shaking, but she felt her voice coming back. "Y-," she managed to choke out. "Who-who… are you people?"
"Y-yes." Nakamura added. "I don't think you're EPA, or-or at least no-normal EPA. What are you?"
"I'm sorry, your names are again?" Morgan frowned. He forgot what Liu had told him before heading out.
"Sorry, Morgan." Liu walked back over. "This is Dr. Pearl Watkins," he gestured towards the woman. "And Dr. Marcus Nakamura."
"Right. Thanks, Matt," Morgan said. "Dr. Watkins, Dr. Nakamura, I'm afraid we can't tell you who we are, but you're right, we're not exactly EPA. However, we can tell you that we are very much concerned with the threat this creature has, given its… mutations. We can also guarantee that while you are with us, we won't hurt either of you. All we want is your help in studying this."
Dr. Watkins gulped. "W-what's a D-Class?"
Phillip frowned. "I'm sorry?"
"I-I heard y-your voice… on the radio." Watkins said shakily. "You said something about this thing eating a-a D-Class. Is-is that bad?"
Morgan opened his mouth to reply, but Liu suddenly stepped in again. "No, Dr. Watkins, no need for concern," he said, trying to sound as casual yet convincing as he could.
"S-sorry?" Watkins whimpered.
"D-Class is just the terms for one of the drugs we mix into its food. You see, its blood and waste are highly toxic. Obviously that's a health hazard to our researchers, but we've managed create something that lowers this amount to a reasonable level." It wasn't an exact lie. Site-71 had found a way to reduce 2761's carcinogen output. Although, it didn't involve D-Class. It involved bananas.
Of course it did, Liu thought to him. Bananas. Everything involves bananas with this thing.
Watkins and Nakamura seemed to relax considerably after hearing this.
Good thinking, Matt. Morgan thought. Always quick on the draw.
"O-okay," Watkins was breathing a bit easier now. "Wh-what's gonna happen to us if we help you?"
"You're free to go, of course," Morgan said. "Of course, we will have to keep an eye on you and your company for a while after. We want this thing under wraps. You'd have to keep it a secret. If you told anyone… there would be consequences. Not that we want to go that route."
There was a potent silence for a minute as everyone in the room took in what was going on.
Finally, Dr. Nakamura spoke up. "So… how big has this thing gotten?"
Pearl shifted uncomfortably. "Um… Marcus. What?"
Despite the tension of the situation, Marcus managed to crack a weak attempt at a smile. "How big is this bananafish now? If Perkins was involved, I'm pretty sure he would have messed around with its growth rate."
"It's currently at around five meters," Morgan said flatly. "And it will probably still grow as time goes on."
"Oh… I… see." A strange look suddenly overcame Marcus' face, as if he was calculating several things at once. After another moment, he piped up again. "You said it was asleep right now?"
"Erm, Marcus, fish don't sleep," Watkins said awkwardly. "They just kind of—"
"Yes, Dr. Nakamura," Liu replied. "It's currently knocked out right behind those doors." He gestured towards 2761's containment pen. "Are you feeling well enough to look at it right now? We'll send you in with guards of course."
"I-" Nakamura paused for a moment. "Yes, Mr. Liu, I will go in right now."
"Marcus?!" Watkins said, bewildered. "What are you—"
"Pearl, it's a giant bananafish. Our bananafish." Dr. Nakamura looked a bit excited. "Don't you want to see it too?"
On the side, Matthew and Phillip exchanged nervous glances with each other.
"I — Well, I mean - But —" Pearl sputtered, confused at the sudden shift in mood.
"Pearl, a giant, mutant bananafish." Dr. Nakamura enunciated every word. "Come on, this is the kind of stuff that inspired us to start Aquagene in the first place! Thinking up crazy stuff and watching that stuff come to life!"
"Really, Marcus, really?!" Pearl's voice rapidly climbed in pitch and volume as she stared at her friend in disbelief. "You're serious?!"
"Yes, yeah, I think I am," Nakamura replied. He turned to Liu and Morgan. "We'll help you, sirs," he said confidently. "What do we need to do?"
Liu blinked. Phillip spoke up for him. "Thank you, Dr. Nakamura. We can get you geared up with protective suits right away. Matthew and I will accompany you into its room."
"Yes. Thank you, Dr. Nakamura." Liu tried not to grit his teeth as he shot a sideways glare at Morgan for volunteering him. You're enjoying this, aren't you?
Phillip's eyes betrayed a hidden grin. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't. This man loves his job.
Liu sighed. "All right." He reached for his radio. "Be advised, this is Agent Level 2 Matthew Liu, and Agent Phillip Morgan. We are gearing up for entrance into 2761's containment unit with two I-Class Persons of Interest. Clearance code whiskey, whiskey, niner, delta."
"Copy that, Liu. Clearance code confirmed. Do you accept responsibility for the two POI?" A stern woman's voice responded.
"Affirmative." Liu replied.
"Affirmative." Morgan said.
"All right, gear up. Suit room is unlocked."
A buzzer went off as the doorway adjacent to 2761's pen clicked open. Inside, Watkins and Nakamura could see neon yellow hazmat suits hanging on a rack.
Morgan and Liu walked past the Aquagene scientists. Liu turned around. "Come on, Watkins, Nakamura. Suit up. Don't worry, you'll be safe, Morgan and I will have your backs."
Nakamura nodded and eagerly followed behind. He had the look of a child on Christmas morning. As he walked behind, Watkins could swear he heard him singing a song under his breath. Except he was saying "fish". She stood still for a few moments longer.
"Why, Marcus?" she whined.
She then followed them into the room.

Ten minutes later, Liu, Morgan, Watkins, and Nakamura all walked out fully suited up. Wakins and Nakamura held packs of various medical and testing equipment. Liu and Morgan both carried giant rifles filled with tranquilizer.
A voice called out on the loudspeaker. "NOW OPENING DOOR TO SCP-2761."
Watkins and Nakamura looked at each other from behind the visors of their hazmat suits.
"Ready?" Nakamura asked.
"No," Watkins groaned.
"Great! Let's check this fish out!"
The doors whooshed open. The whole room was filled with the smell of bananas.
And Liu, Morgan, Watkins, and Nakamura all walked in.
"What… the hell."
"That is not a fish."

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