THE FOLLOWING PROGRAMME HAS BEEN APPROVED FOR APPROPRIATE AUDIENCES BY THE DAI AKIHABARA TEREBI ANIME RINRI KANRI IINKAI. THE ANIME HAS BEEN RATED R+15. NO ONE UNDER 15 ADMITTED. SOME MATERIAL INAPPROPRIATE FOR CHILDREN UNDER 15.

Preface: The following Tale is written for the April Fools Crack Fiction Contest of 2016.

THE FOLLOWING PROGRAMME HAS BEEN APPROVED FOR APPROPRIATE AUDIENCES BY THE DAI AKIHABARA TEREBI ANIME RINRI KANRI IINKAI.

THE ANIME HAS BEEN RATED

R15+
NO ONE UNDER 15 ADMITTED.

SOME MATERIAL INAPPROPRIATE FOR CHILDREN UNDER 15.

VIOLENCE, MASS DEATHS, MATURE CONTENT, DEPICTIONS OF ANOMALOUS ACTIVITY, AND LESE MAJESTY WILL BE FEATURED. VIEWERS CAUGHT IN VIOLATION OF THE RATING ARE TO REPORT THEMSELVES TO EITHER AN OPS STAFF, MODERATOR OR ADMINISTRATOR FOR EXILE UNTIL THEY COME OF AGE 15.

BY GRACE OF BEST GIRLS µ's, HIS VIRGIN MAJESTY, THE WIZARD EMPEROR OF DAI AKIHABARA, PERSONIFIED CENTRE OF THE UNIVERSE AND PRESIDENT OF THE OTAKU COLLECTIVE.

Previously on SCP The Anime, part 3!
Two (wo)men. A dog. A monkey. Where's the pheasant?
[The Akihabara Metropolis is engulfed in flames, reduced from its famous akihabara1 of world culture. Corpses of the deceased and defiled lay everywhere, disembodied and skewered in many gory and interesting ways. The vicious armies of the Daevite march in a single file back into their massive warships by Akihabara Bay, dragging with them the thousands of slaves captured from Dai Akihabara.]
[The O5 Council meet again, viewing the situation at Akihabara from a screen. Other than them, Dr. Judith Low is in attendance.]
O5-10: Even Dai Akihabara has fallen. We may be facing an SK class dominance shift, if we don't do anything.
Low: O5-sama, in my research of SCP-140, I believe we can do something to stop them. It speaks of a chosen one.
[O5 Council groans collectively.]
Low: Do we have any other choice? Look, the Daevite Onigishima garrison was once stopped by…
[Dr. Rights got out of bed, where an unknown man is still sleeping. Both parties are naked.]
Low (V.O.): Momotaro…
[Dr. Kain enters his Egg Walker machine, armed with various weapons.]
Low (V.O.): …His dog…
[A group of Foundation operatives are on an expedition in the jungle, led by Dr. Bright (wearing a D-class as his vessel). A monkey swoops in from the branches, and grabs SCP-963 from Bright's vessel.]
Low (V.O.): …And his monkey…
[Closeup on Dr. Light's portfolio, which is lowered to reveal that Light is seated next to Low.]
Low: …And his pheasant.
Light: Are you serious?
Low: According to the prophecy, there were some errors with the reincarnation. Look, Bright-san can possess a pheasant but you have to wear a monkey suit.
[Scene shifts to a changing room. Light steps out to reveal her tuxedo. Rights, Low and Kain look on approvingly, but Bright is screeching from the pheasant he now resides.]
Kain: Low-hakase, may I dispute the sheer improbability of your so-called prophecy?
Low: Blame the writer of these prophecies. I only interpret them.
Rights: Wow! You look totally hot, Light!
[Light blushes.]
[Rights, Light, Kain and Bright slowly walk along a dark hallway. The only source of light is the end of said hallway, leading up to a stage.]
O5-12 (V.O.): Our enemy is the Daevite Onigishima Abyssal Naval Garrison. When you encounter the Daeva, enact Procedure 69-OKAYAMA immediately. Do not fail us now.
[The four doctors step into the light, with an auditorium filled with Daevite naval officers. Said Daevite officers give a standing ovulation to the four doctors, as a spotlight shines on them.]
Rights: What do we do now?
[Suddenly, the ghost of Momotaro appears before Rights. Only Rights can see it.]
Ghost of Momotaro: Just follow my lead… Wait, I'm a girl?

Even more previously on SCP The Anime, part 2!
Two men! One wish fulfilling device! Nothing else (including said wish fulfilling device) matters!
[SCP-239 stands in front of Neo-Site-19. She is escorted by two MTF agents, and handcuffed by them. She looks up at the black gritty building and smiles.]
Nobody (V.O.): GoIs, prepare. Here are the rules.
[Clef stands in front of the corpse of Fake Priest Buramo of the Holy MEKHANE Church. His left eye is stabbed, right arm amputated and Clef's knife is bloodied.]
Nobody (V.O.): Kill the competition.
[Clef runs from an avatar of Grand Karcist Ion of the Diseased Apostlic Ancestors in a narrow hallway.]
Nobody (V.O.): Survive.
[A door slides open to reveal SCP-239, with a shadow hanging over her. Closeup of 239's face, smiling at the unknown person.][Clef sheaths his Telekill knife.]
Queen of UN Tower cum Director of the Occult Association, D.C. al Fine (V.O.): The Council of 108 are in deadlock. Again. So do me this favour.
Clef: Of course, al Fine-chan.
[Kondraki kneels before SCP-239.]
Kondraki: I solemnly swear to secure the integrity of the War, contain all violators of the War, and protect you — the vessel.
[A mass of SCP-408 are congregating around Kondraki, forming additional duplicates of said doctor. Kondraki and his copies surround Clef, brandishing his weapon fearlessly.]
Clef: More Kon-chan for me!
[Clef skilfully dodges a barrage of bullets from Marshall Carter (using his Dark rifle), with all shots slowed down. As the shots resume normal speed, Clef has passed through Carter and ran ahead of him. Kondraki looks at the scene from a surveillance camera.]
Kondraki: Bring a katana to a gunfight.
[Clef opens a door to a cell, revealing a naked SCP-336. He closes it immediately, and turns to face the screen.]
Clef: Weekly fanservice~
[Clef lies on the floor, as Kondraki finally wrestles the Telekill knife away from him. Kondraki also carries a katana with him.]
Kondraki: Clef-san, can't you see? We need 239-chan. She can wish for a world without skips, a world we can live in peace. You and I.
[Closeup of Clef's hat dropping on the floor. Clef reveals the mass of extremely spiky hair underneath it. Static electricity builds up around Clef.]
Clef: Oh Kon-chan, do you despise me so much that you wish me to not exist?
[The surroundings shift, with walls and the floor melting into an off-white substance. Clef slowly stands up. Kondraki is losing his footing in the changing surroundings.]
Clef: UNLIMITED CHOWDER WOK!

But more so previously on SCP The Anime, part 1!
No one in Hiroshima expected Little Boy in August.
[It is a peaceful morning somewhere in North America. Site-19 is graced by the morning light and all is normal in the world. But suddenly, Site-19 mysteriously blows up in a mushroom cloud.]
[The O5 Council convenes at their table, debating with one another as usual.]
O5-3 Everyone-san, 19's gone. Although nobody died in the blast, including the SCPs and D-class.
O5-2: Three-san, what's with the Japanese honorific?
O5-3: Two-san, you're doing it too.
O5-1: Never mind the honorific! As for 19, we'll just rebuild.
[In the same land where Site-19 once stood, Neo-Site-19 stands. The building only looks more gritty, contrasting well with the lights at nighttime.]
O5-1 (V.O.): Given the highly public nature of recent anomalies, we will be reclassifying a significant portion of them as Explained.
[In Neo-Site-19, Gears and Iceberg are seated adjacent to each other. Both are typing on their respective computers, filling the air with typing sounds.]
Iceberg: Gears-senpai, is it just me or are the girls nowadays a bit tighter on the chest?
Gears: The average bust size of women worldwide has increased inexplicably, that's SCP-906090-EX.
[Iceberg's hand reaches out towards Gears' keyboard.]
Gears: Iceberg-san, what?
Iceberg: Senpai, I'll never let have those boob fiends touch you.
[Closeup of Iceberg's eye staring emptily on the screen.]
Iceberg: No… not even this.
[Blacks out. Sound of clashing metals.]

This is currently SCP the Anime, part 4! To conclude today's episode, a word from the screenwriter himself.

To bring our audience-sama up to speed with a series they know nothing about, we2 have taken the "liberty"3 of using a clip show of previous episodes' scripts. Do patronise us by watching the previous episodes here. This concludes today's episode of SCP The Anime. Bye-bye.

Footnotes
1. (often lowercase) any place that many people visit or hope to visit — Amerika English Dictionary
2. By "we", I mean "I" (singular). There's supposed to be the series creator, but he's quite hands-off. Heck, I never even met him!
3. Correction, we are I am on a tight budget and I'm too busy with late semester work to even hire animators or voice actors.