# 3.3.1 Personal barriers

The following section presents a set of barriers identified in the qualitative data that constitute _personal_ barriers or factors related to women’s motivation to reach out for support and take action when experiencing domestic violence. It is important to note that, while these factors are framed as ‘personal,’ many relate to norms or projections society, communities, families and peers make, and women internalize (Pasinato 2014). The social context in which the interviewees live impacts on how they view themselves and what they understand to be acceptable, desirable and possible behavior. In that sense, the structural context frames the agency these women can exert. Regional studies have found widespread agreement in the Latin America region with norms that reinforce gender inequality, discourage women from seeking help, or downplay the duty of bystanders to intervene in situations of abuse, with wide variations both among and within individual countries (PAHO 2012).<sup>14</sup> This research finds that shame and guilt are the main personal barriers women had to overcome in their search for help. Because they felt shame for what others think of them, of their marriages and of their children, survivors often hid their suffering of violence from friends and family. It was common for survivors to express feelings of guilt for the offender's behavior and for wanting to leave the relationship, in addition to feelings of failure for being unable to change their partner’s behavior. Feelings of shame and self-blame are noted in other studies as barriers to seeking help (Landenburger 1989, Pasinato 2014, Garcia-Moreno et al. 2005, Kishor 1996), particularly because domestic violence strikes at the core of a woman’s social identity as a wife and mother (Ellsberg et al. 2000).

Interviewees who were mothers cited the fear of losing the relationship with their children as a significant barrier to seeking help. Women not only feared being distanced from their children but also, they feared being held responsible for ‘destroying the family’ if they were to separate and/or to take action to protect themselves. Additionally, some noted that their family of origin did not support a potential separation from the abuser. In these cases, losing the connection and bonds to their families created additional disincentives for seeking help (see also Section 3.3.2).

Interviewees described how emotional violence produced and reinforced low self-esteem and feelings of hopelessness and negatively affected their ability to seek help or exit a relationship. Threats of aggressors and verbal attacks -- "you are nothing" or "no one else will want you" – paralyzed survivors. Women feared reporting their experiences or telling others would lead to an escalation of violence or retaliation.

Women exposed to emotional violence reported not believing in themselves, in their capabilities and their ability to take action to change their lives by themselves. Narratives presented by interviewees are consistent with dynamics described by international research, which links physical abuse with the abuse of power and control over a woman’s daily life, including her social contacts and financial autonomy. This body of research acknowledges that domestic violence creates feelings of shame, fear, isolation,

> 14 For example, the share of women who agreed that a wife should obey her husband even if she disagreed with him ranged from just over one-fourth of women in urban Paraguay 2008 to nearly three-fourths of women in rural Guatemala 2008/9. Findings from a 2005 WHO study demonstrate the remarkable degree to which women in some settings have internalized social norms that justify abuse.  Similar to the surveys analyzed for PAHO 2012, the share of women who agreed with statements justifying wife-beating was higher among women who had experienced abuse than among those who had not, and may indicate either that women experiencing violence learn to “accept” or rationalize this abuse, or that women are at greater risk of violence in communities where a substantial proportion of individuals accept and tolerate abuse (Garcia-Moreno et al. 2005).

_15_