Dear Comrade Donald and Comrade Kush:

We appreciate all the love you have shown us to date.  The water sports video will be kept safely tucked away for the time being.  It's OK if you agree to some additional sanctions if that will help to take the heat off.

One of our oligarchs has recently made several million dollars trafficking arms to rebels in Congo and will need to launder some of the profit.  Not that you guys would help us with money laundering, but stay tuned just in case.

By the way, Comrade Kush, your idea of using the Globe and Mail website as a secret back channel was awesome.  Mueller has better taste than to read this newspaper.

Luv & cuddles,
Big Bear