Danno,
The fact that you are alive means that you are surviving.  Surviving is a process.  I don't know you, so I will not offer you advice.  I expect that you have access to mental health care professionals.  That is critical.  
A few little things in which I wish that you could find hope include most of the posts here.  There are many, many people who care about what has happened and many people who oppose the way that victims have been treated and continue to be treated.  Unfortunately, and sadly, the institutional church appears to be incapable of dealing appropriately with this issue.  I don't know why.  Perhaps the poster who says that the bishops don't really believe in God got it right.