Article: During those daily discussions, you shouldn't just talk and tune out. When your partner is talking, really listen. Get to know them again. Listen to their worries, concerns, frustrations, and joys. Building intimacy means sharing thoughts with each other and caring about what your spouse says and thinks. Be an active listener by restating what your spouse says or summarizing what they've told you. You may say, "So, you're saying that..." or "Let me see if I understand this correctly..." Prompt your spouse to continue by using short, one-word responses. For example, you may make noises of understanding or encourage, or ask questions like, "How?" or "Oh?" or "And then what happened?" Address their feelings by saying things like, "It seems like you're feeling upset/scared/anxious/depressed/happy" or "I am glad you trusted me enough to share this with me." Maintain eye contact while your spouse talks. Don't think about other things, like what you need to do or what you want for dinner. Keep your attention focused on your spouse. While sharing pieces of your day and talking about random things helps increase intimacy, it is also important to discuss more important things. This may include deeper questions on a personal or philosophical level. These questions get deeper into the way your spouse thinks and why they think that way. For example, you may ask your partner why they love travel so much, why they need to do something a certain way, or where they learned a habit from. Ask them about how their background and childhood has influenced the way they view the world. Talk to your partner about their goals and dreams. You may have done this when you first got married, but what people want changes over the years. Talk about why you both want from life based on where you are right now. You may say, "When we first got together, you loved to travel. Where would you like to go? Why do you want to go there? I'm interested in knowing this about you." You may also try, "You've always been very punctual and insistent about not being late. Why is this so important to you? Have you always been like this?" Ask your spouse, "Did your childhood influence your political/religious/moral beliefs?" or "What are your goals and dreams? We haven't discussed them in a long time, and I really want to know what is important to you now." If you and your partner are struggling to build intimacy despite working on it, you may want to see a marriage counselor. They can help you learn communication skills and work through issues that may be impeding your progress. A marriage counselor can provide you with couples exercises that will help you work on emotional and physical intimacy. This can help if you aren't sure where to start building intimacy or if one of you disagrees that there are intimacy problems.

What is a summary?
Listen to your spouse. Talk about important things. Seek counseling.