Problem: Write a negative yelp review.
A: This is the hour, lunch to be specific, 10-7 if you wear a badge. My name is Skacey, I carry a short amount of time to get fed and get back to work. 11:43 AM, I step into the Port of Subs on West Badura. There are two dames behind the counter, to protect their identities, I'll call them Laverne and Shirley. There is one other patron in the establishment, quietly sitting and eating at a table by the window. As I step up to the counter, Laverne begins to head to the back and calls out to Shirley: "Hey, after this next order, can you clean the slicer" is what I heard her say, but aparently, Shirley translated that comment to be "I'm heading in back to slack off, you stay up here and work until your fingers bleed" At this point, I placed my order for a number one (always a safe bet at any fast food joint) As Shirley begins my order, I notice that she is heaping on piles of attitude. Now I'm not allergic to attitude, but I don't think its healthy to eat too much (I hear it gives you wrinkles) - In the interest of getting my order quickly, I let this go. Once she is finished with the lunch meat and attitude, she moves to the veggies. In a monotone voice she rattles off the choices and I make my selection. As she begins piling on the foliage, she drizzles dispair and loathing on my sandwich. Now these are just plain unhealthy, but again, I'm pressed for time. She finishes my meal and begins wrapping it up, she drops it next to the cash station and calls out to the back a word dripping with disapproval, snarkyness and vitriol. This single word impales itself on the back wall and runs down into a greasy puddle of hate. She said "Register!" clearly indicating that her toil was done and that someone else would have to deal with me as a pathetic customer. Laverne does not show up again to help me, she is likely a quivering mess in the back, dealing with her own issues. The third lady (Joanie?) takes my money and sends me on my way. As I leave, the other patron and I share a glance which reveals our understanding of what just happened. If you LOVE smashed bread, mediocre cold cuts, and average veggies, then perhaps it is worth seeing the drama that unfolds as young workers learn skills that will help them eventually raise the unemployment rate. Otherwise, you're better off driving 5 more minutes to another cheap belly filler.

Problem: Write a negative yelp review.
A: Let me tell you a little story. It's about a girl who just wanted an Arizona burrito w/ fries instead of potatoes. The villain will be played by an angry fat troll who lives in a drive thru, hates her life, and takes it out on unsuspecting tired college students. It was a hot & clear night in the chandler 'burb of az & after a long day of dodging bro's and fighting off general toolishness our heroine jumps in her trusty dodge along with her companion and they were off to scour the lands for something to eat. Upon deciding that neither wanted a fiendish burger both our heroine & her companion eagerly decided on a magical burrito from Filiberto's. Excitedly they pulled up to order but were met by a croaking voice that demanded, "filibertos what do you want!?!". Unfazed by the rudeness our heroine ordered, "Two arizona burritos with fries instead of potatoes & a large diet coke." The rude troll barked out, "Two cali burritos & a diet, that's $18.83". Confused the heroine sheepishly corrects, "No sorry I want two az burritos not two cali burritos, there's a price difference of two more dollars". The horrible little trolls comes back, screaming, through mic, "You want fries!?! This is how I have to ring it up." "Ok fine", replied the heroine as she pulled up to the pay window. Once at the window the troll was even ruder, giving the poor heroine dirty looks, and rolling her troll eyes at the heroines polite greeting. Upon paying, the heroine asked for 10 red sauces and 10 green sauces. Well this upset the troll and stated that after 5 sauces they would charge .50 each sauce. Well, the patient heroine finally lost it at this incredulous statement and her companion asked the troll point blank, "you give out free and UNLIMITED sauces inside. Is it that labor intensive to put it in little plastic cups you have to overcharge?" This was a mistake readers....the troll was so mad her fat little cheeks started twitching and she began huffing & puffing at the two adventurers and slammed the window shut. Finally! The food was done and as the troll opened the window to give the two beleaguered souls their food the heroine, wishing never to have a bad experience with anyone in life smiled and said, "Thank you!!" Well the troll was just as rude as ever and being fed up with the rudeness the heroine puts on the biggest, fake smile, and happily yells, "HAVE A GREAT NIGHT!" Upon arriving at her castle the heroine begins to devour her food only to find out the California contains guacamole a terrible substance that the heroine is allergic to. Reaching for her soda the heroine take a large gulp only to notice a strange taste...REAL SUGAR! Our heroine is a type 1 diabetic and has not dosed enough insulin to cover this deliberate attack on her life! THE TROLL WAS TRYING TO POISON HER!! Luckily our heroine had not ingested enough of the substances to do her in. Moral of the story is this readers, this food establishment is more trouble than it's worth. You may think that you are trading your hard earned dollar for a delicious burrito but what you don't realize is that this isn't the filiburtos of yore. Nay, it has been replaced by a terrible troll factory that will overcharge at any chance & then try to kill you while they do it. Stay away. Reader. Stay away.

Problem: Write a negative yelp review.
A:
We scheduled a taxi two hours in advance got email confirmation and assumed we were set. The pickup time came and went with no call or car showing up so I called the number and after five minutes of canned recordings, I finally reached an agent who asked if we were at a house or apt, then said he'd place the request. (If that was an issue why didn't they just ask earlier?) Then he said he'd call me back with eta. After 10 minutes with no call back I called again. Spoke to another incompetent person. She said there was no one available in the area so we were queued but she could provide no eta!!! Well good thing we weren't needing a ride to the airport! I asked to speak to a supervisor and was transferred to someone else. I asked if they were a supervisor and was told there are no supervisors on duty on weekends!! This was the most incompetent useless set of people I've ever dealt with. Stay away from VIP (Taxi Magic) if you don't want to be stranded somewhere! I'm deleting that app now!