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Emotional intimacy is comprised of empathy, understanding, and compassion, which all hinge on being a good listener to your partner. Build your emotional intimacy by learning to listen and truly understand one another. When your partner speaks, lean in and let them finish their thoughts before cutting them off or adding what you want to say. Aim to understand their thoughts and feelings before contributing your own. Ask questions to better understand each other. Reflect your understanding back to your partner to make sure you've got it right by saying something like, "What I hear you saying is that you haven't brought it up because you've been ashamed." For some couples, sex is a taboo subject and it's difficult to talk about problems, desires, and needs. Allow each other to voice concerns, fears, and feelings. Open communication means that both partners can contribute to work together instead of blaming or shaming one another. Bring up the topic by saying, "I think it's important to address sex and find ways to help both of us feel fulfilled." Talking about sexual frustrations and problems can help partners not build anger, disappointment, and resentment. You or your partner may feel ashamed or embarrassed about erectile dysfunction. Never put yourself or your partner down or make them feel judged or 'less than' sexually. If you blame your partner for a lack of sex or are critical of their performance, this can make them feel ashamed and can make the dysfunction worse. Be careful when talking about your partner's performance and try to keep all language and discussions hopeful. For example, use "I" statements so that you are not blaming your partner but still speaking truthfully. You can say, "I'm having a hard time, too. I love having sex with you so it's difficult for me to adjust to this change." Tell your partner which aspects of your sexual relationship you enjoy and value. Place any problems with your sex life within this context to ensure the conversation remains positive. Good communication can improve satisfaction for both you and your partner. If your partner is struggling to get an erection, take the pressure off and ask them what they want. They may want you to touch them or kiss them in a different way or different area. Ask them to tell you what they want or show you what they want. While it's nice to put the focus on your partner, make sure you still feel comfortable and engaged. Don't be afraid to speak up if something is outside of your comfort zone.
Listen to one another. Speak candidly about sex. Talk about sex positively. Ask what your partner wants sexually.