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If your loved one gets angry, the only way you can effectively defuse the situation is by getting a hold of your own anger. Losing your own temper will only make matters worse. Breathe in and out deeply. Count silently to 100 or go splash water on your face to clear your head. Lower your voice, so that it's just above a whisper. Doing this helps you maintain calm without shouting, but it also reinforces appropriate communication. Your loved one will likely follow suit and lower their voice, too. Many angry people get that way because they feel no one is listening to them. Turn off your loved one's angry switch by giving them 100% of your attention. Turn to face them and hear them out without interrupting. Being a good listener could help defuse the situation completely. Be sure to pay attention to the underlying issue. Your loved one may act angry because they don't believe they are being heard or understood. Be sure to validate their experience and let them know that you are taking them seriously and respect their opinions. Demonstrate your understanding by using reflection techniques. This might sound like, "I can see why you feel angry about the teller being rude to you," or "I think I understand the problem. You feel overlooked." Insist that your angry loved one treat you with respect. In a calm and cool manner, say something like, "I will leave if you don't stop shouting," or "I won't continue this conversation if you engage in name-calling." Once a boundary has been communicated, be firm and follow through if the person crosses the line. You want to steer clear of criticism or blame, so interact using "I" statements that convey your needs without placing blame. These statements don't attack the other person, but they do let you communicate how you feel about the issue. For example, instead of saying "You are always shouting at me!" say "I feel anxious when you shout. Can we try to use indoor voices?" Angry people often view advice as criticism, so avoid trying to fix their problem. Just actively listen. If you want to try to work out whether your loved one merely wants to vent or needs a solution, ask them after they've finished talking. You might ask, "Do you want help with the problem or did you just want to get everything off your chest?" before you try to offer advice. Or, you could say, "I understand your anger. How can I help?" If your loved one tends to view you as critical, save your solutions for another time when they've cooled off. If you feel under attack or overwhelmed during communication with an angry person, ask for a timeout. You might say, "I don't think we're going to reach an agreement if we're shouting at each other. Let's take 10, okay?" Go someplace where you feel safe and get your own emotions under control. Listen to soft music, watch a silly YouTube video, or call someone who tends to calm you down.
Stay calm during tense situations. Speak in an even, moderate tone of voice. Give your full attention when listening. Show compassion towards the other person. Assert your boundaries. Use "I" statements to discuss the problem. Resist the urge to give advice. Take a break if you need one.