Definition: You are given a review about a place. You need to provide a rating from "1 star" to "5 stars" for this place.
Input: For a Saturday night, this place had a few select patrons - some even brave enough to sit outside in this absurd August heat. Not me. My friend and I parked ourselves at a table in the room with the pool table, where a couple of guys were playing and drinking pints with gusto. Fair enough.

Our server was quick to bring us menus and ask for our order. She was patient enough while I tried to decide what English beer I wanted to try for the first time. The draft and bottle menu is stupid - listing the beers but not the breweries or where they come from! That takes away all the fun! It's supposedly in alphabetic order, but they must not know how to place things in order, for the Stone Arrogant Bastard Ale was listed under the A's (as Arrogant Bastard Ale - I only know the brewery cuz I'm a beer aficionado these days), while other beers were listed by the breweries - Four Peaks, Sierra Nevada, Sam Smith...

I chose the Tetley's Ale. It was good! A slow sippin' beer, which is exactly what I needed. It hit the spot.

While my friend and I were enjoying our pints, our server came back to our table. "I got cut, so I was wondering if I could take care of your tab now. Then, for whatever else you may need, the bartender can help you guys." Well, okay. It must've been very, very, very slow for the one and only server to be cut. We paid her and continued our conversation.

Then my friend wanted another beer. But, we were never again spoken to by any staff. So, apparently, when the only server gets cut that translates to, "If you want another drink, march your happy arse up to the bar to order it."

Well, we didn't stay. For that reason and because it was so hot inside. They didn't have their A/C on, which makes me wonder if they have A/C at all. Ugh. I left with swamp ass. Seriously... that is NOT how I measure a fun time. It was my friend's first time here, and I think it's a sure bet that he won't be coming back based on the lack of service.

My friend and I quickly re-located to The Roosevelt for a superior experience and cooler (literally) atmosphere.
Output:
2 stars