Summarize:

When your marriage is struggling, it can be hard to feel good about yourself. However, it's important that when you catch yourself thinking negative things about yourself, you challenge those thoughts and replace them with a positive thought about yourself, instead. This is especially true if you have a pattern of difficult relationshipsyou may have been told throughout your life that you're not good enough, or you might place a lot of blame on yourself for the way things are going. For instance, if you find yourself thinking, "I always hurt people and no one will ever love me," you might replace that thought with something like, "Right now, I'm fighting as hard as I can to save my marriage because I love my wife. I'm trying to be the best person I can." In order to ensure you have the healthiest relationship possible, make sure you still carve out at least a little time for your own hobbies and interests. Otherwise, you might start to feel trapped or resentful. Even if you're not aware of it, these feelings can start to come out, impacting your relationship with your wife. For instance, you might go for a run every morning before work, or you might meet your friends one Saturday a month for drinks. In order to have a healthy, loving relationship, you have to first be healthy yourself. Eat a healthy diet, get 30 minutes of exercise a day, and practice stress-relieving activities like mindfulness or deep breathing exercises to help you feel more physically and mentally ready to take on the world each day. Taking great care of yourself will boost your confidence, which might have the added bonus of making your wife feel more physically attracted to you. It's important to keep pushing yourself in new directions, even if that seems a little scary sometimes. Not only will it give you a personal sense of accomplishment, but it will also show your wife that you're capable of growth, which she's likely to appreciate. For instance, if you're unhappy in your career, you might take night classes that will allow you to eventually get a job you'll enjoy more. You might also set goals to improve how well you eat, to accomplish things around your home, or to spend more time with your family and friends. Choose personal goals that are important to you! Unfortunately, there's only so much you can do to change your relationship with your wife. If she's not willing or able to work toward a healthier marriage with you, it might be best to agree to a separation, or even a divorce if you can't reconcile after a time. If your arguments escalate into physical, verbal, or emotional abusefrom either partyyour relationship has become toxic. You will likely need professional counseling to overcome those patterns, if they can be changed at all, and it's generally best to separate to ensure the situation doesn't continue to worsen.
Confront and replace negative thoughts about yourself. Make time for the things you enjoy. Take care of your body and mind. Set new goals for yourself and work towards them. Consider ending the marriage if it's become toxic.