I look back now on those first months of his life , all those days that I watched him struggle to do nothing more than breathe . I do n't know that I have ever known a fear as great as what I experienced during that time , but , it was more then just fear , it was the helplessness . I ' m a doctor , I ' m supposed to save lives , and all I could do was stand there and pray that those into whose hands I had entrusted his care , could keep him alive . I remember standing there in the NICU , listening to the sound of the vents , and all of the other noises in that small room that come together to create a symphony of life and hope .

A: Where was the narrator when they watched someone struggling ?

but i will be happy to leave . i will tattoo a maple leaf somewhere ( because my mother is always right ) and cry every wednesday night for months and happily embrace the turmoil of feeling shocked and displaced all over again ... in the one place that i want to stay forever , and the only place that will ever be home . so anyway , since i made myself really homesick and citysick with all of that thinking , i counted my pistachio mixer fund .

A: Why might I embrace the turmoil of being displaced ?

We went to Newport Beach this last week with my brother Troy and his girlfriend Jen . We had a great time . We did some shopping , played on the beach , and had a good time . Avery did n't like the beach .

A: Why did the group enjoy their day out ?

The first was to purchase a pellet gun . I ' m not much of a gun fan and that 's really about where I live , not what I believe on the whole . Also , I ' ve spent a good part of my adult life believing I ' m too trigger happy to have one in the house . I think I ' m a little more sure of my ability to survive these days ( I used to keep an electric chain saw by the bed when I slept alone but I do n't much expect to be assaulted in my sleep these days ) .

A:
What may happen if I am still unsure of my ability to survive ?