How might one describe the sentiment of this review?
I am a big fan of Sardine (my go-to date night restaurant) and Marigold (who doesn't want a chili poached egg for breakfast?), so in my world having G&B move into the neighborhood felt like an early Christmas present. I would drive by and imagine being able to walk home after dinner with my roommate. My roommate and I would talk about our new favorite restaurant, as if it were already open and we were regulars. We were friends with the imaginary bartenders who worked there. I tried to convince my boyfriend's niece to apply for a job there. I was excited. Really. First Attempt: Gates & Brovi apparently aspires to the family friendly sports bar vibe. Great. Perfect style for the neighborhood. I am there with 2 friends. We are excited! Here's the problem: the menu is dumbed down to the point that not one, but both dinner companions picked up the menu, skimmed, flipped it over (to reveal no flipside), and said 'Did they give us the kid's menu?' Both. Same line. Appetizers are almost universally fried and include items easily accessible in the frozen foods section at Copps. Lovely. Wow, ranch dressing for dip? How innovative. Burgers and sandwiches--again, I can make these options (really) at home. On a weeknight. For children who would actually eat them because there are no 'weird' ingredients (Like vegetables. Or creative sauces. Or creative toppings. Or creativity, full stop). Option to add 'weird' ingredients? No. I understand that this is a family oriented restaurant, but there are burger and sandwich joints less than a mile away (ahem...Laurel, V, Jac's) that serve kid friendly food without the condescension of this menu. If this restaurant were unrelated to Sardine and Marigold, it would be a disappointment. As it stands, it's offensive. Moving on...We order one of two non-fried appetizers on the menu-- crab dip with veggies. Comes in a shallow, wide metal dish which, go figure with the dish selection, was instantly lukewarm and congealed. Veggies were 3 carrot sticks and 3 celery sticks, cut so thin they curled. Looks of dismay were exchanged. These are the same owners who serve the lovely fritto and chicken liver crostini, no? Surely they can identify an appropriate serving utensil and cut the veggies thick enough to hold shape. We also tried the shrimp fritters-- if fry is the primary menu option, embrace it, no? Meh. Not bad, not great...the point is, not memorable. At this same meal, drinks are ordered. Drinks menu? No. Beers on tap? Couldn't hear the waitress (oh wait, this is the one thing G&B has in common with Sardine and Marigold-- exceptionally poor acoustics). Is there at least a list of the tap and bottle beer? Don't have one, "but we have pretty much anything you can think of by the bottle". Great. Could my friend have a Crispin? "We don't have that". Ah. At this point we ordered a round a Spotted Cow (state beverage, apparently), gave up on the limp veggies and cold crab dip and half eaten shrimp fritters, and declared a hiatus. Surely the restaurant will improve, we thought. Second Attempt: Cut to 10 days later. Brainwave! It's a kid restaurant-- I'll bring a kid! I just had a bad attitude! It's going to be awesome! Have they now written a beverage menu? Not yet. Boyfriend and kid (aka focus group of one) pick up food menus, turn them over, look confused, and simultaneously say, "Is this it?". No, I did not prep them. Back to the lousy acoustics. Two "whatever that first one you said"s are ordered along with a root beer float and cheese curds. Root beer float arrives with a bottle of root beer and purple silly straw-- lovely. I was wrong. G&B is redeemed. Wait...is that a puddle of grease at the bottom of those curds? And why are they all stuck together? Darn it! But no, I will stay positive. Burgers are ordered-- this is a burger joint, their burgers are going to be inspired in their simple perfection! All will be forgiven! Oh...they don't come with a side? A Dixie cup of coleslaw? Okay! Sounds great! $10.50 for a burger and side of small fries! Grilled onions? Yum! Oh wait, you put raw onions on instead. Special sauce? Couldn't find it. Was it that penny-sized dot on the bottom of the bun? I can't say if it was 'special'. I couldn't taste it (see previous onion issue). Gooey melty cheese....so passe. Apparently the new way to serve burgers is with cold, unmelted cheese squares. Mmmmm. Kid verdict? Float finished, half a burger left uneaten. This is a teenage boy. The focus group has spoken. Adult verdict? I hate you for getting me so excited, for so many months, with my fantasies about my 'new favorite restaurant' (within walking distance!), and for then being awful. I hate you for being related to Marigold and Sardine and for making me expect more from you. Ugh. I give you two stars. One for the root beer-- the straw was cool (plus no-one got food poisoning, so hey, that's something). One for the awesome skeleton lawn flamingo I got next door at Mallatt's....Options:
(1). negative
(2). positive I think the answer is
(1).