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If you hear that your reputation has suffered, work immediately to repair it. Minimizing damage will help you get back on track quickly. Assess what needs to be done. This will depend on what type of reputation you've developed. For example, if you have a bad reputation as a bully, stop trying to push others around or insist on your own way. Perhaps you could volunteer as a tutor or mentor to a younger child to mend your reputation. Break down what your "bad reputation" is into elements: a reputation as a bully, for example, could mean people think you're unkind, disrespectful, manipulative, have anger issues or are self-centered. You'll need to address all of these elements to get rid of that reputation. Write a list of steps to help you. If the damage to your reputation is extensive, it may take several actions to begin repairing it. For example, if you have a bad reputation as a slacker who never takes anything seriously, it will take some effort and time for people to see that you have changed your ways. Consider ways you can counter this reputation, such as setting alarms so that you are early for school, taking on extra-curricular activities to show you're accepting responsibility, and handing assignments in on time to show that you're getting your act together. Do not panic but do not wait too long to make things right. Consider talking to a trusted adult about how you should approach repairing your reputation. An objective opinion can help you see things in a different way. to people you have wronged. Talk to those people who you have offended. Apologize for your behavior. Tell the other person that you value him or her and want to improve your relationship. Ask for forgiveness. For example, you could say, "Sarah, I am very sorry that I spread a rumor about you. I want to be your friend still. How can I make things better?" Overall, be sincere in your effort to improve who you are. In addition to apologizing, offer a way to make things right. This will show that you are not just apologizing for show. For example, if you have a bad reputation for being late all the time, do not simply say, "I'm sorry I'm always late." Make concrete statements about what you will do next time, such as "I am setting reminders for events in my phone and leaving for things 10 minutes early so that I can be on time when I hang out with my friends. It's important to me that you know I value your time and your friendship." As another example, if you have a bad reputation for borrowing money and never paying it back, apologizing for this behavior is great, but it's only half the battle. Making amends would be paying the money back. If you don't have the money right now, tell the people you owe that you are working extra jobs to earn the money so you can pay them back. Give them a timeline as to when you can pay back installments of the money. You can also make indirect amends. For example, if something you've done has caused damage that you can't repair, you can try to make a difference in another way. For example, if your reckless driving ended up injuring your friend, you can't un-injure him. However, you could offer to do his chores for him, help him with homework, or other things that make his life easier as he recovers. If your reputation has been damaged due to rumors, tell people the truth. Privately confront those people who have been talking about you. Ask them why they have been spreading gossip. Request that they stop spreading untruths. For people affected by the rumors, discuss with them what happened. People who spread gossip are engaging in bullying. Verbal bullying, such as spreading gossip or trying to blackmail others by threatening to spread personal information around, can cause a lot of damage. If this is happening to you, talk with a trusted authority figure, such as a parent, teacher, or counselor. Bullying is never okay, and you can find help to get it to stop. Be a helpful, encouraging presence. Show gratitude to others. Consider how you can make a difference in small and big ways. Smile at people. Give people sincere compliments. For example, tell Amy how you found her presentation style to be very engaging. Show kindness to those people around you. You could help an elderly neighbor or offer to babysit for a busy parent. The more good deeds you do, the better you will feel. You also will help people in return. Throughout the day, check your attitude. If you find you are being negative or unkind, ask yourself why. Try to find the root cause of your behavior. For example, does getting up early make you grumpy? If so, try to go to bed earlier so you are not as tired. Have a "positive posture." Try standing straight, shoulders back, chin high. Stretch your arms out as wide as they can go. Feel powerful and positive. Carrying yourself with "positive posture" will encourage your mind to feel more positive as well. Keep a gratitude journal. Write about the things for which you are thankful. What went right in your day? You also could ask a friend to be a gratitude partner. Together, you can discuss the things that are going well in your lives. It is also okay to share things that are not going as well too. Consider volunteering for a good cause. Studies show that you are likely to feel better about yourself when you volunteer. Serving others will also show people that you are not self-centered or mean and that you are willing to work hard to improve your community. Gear your positive behavior toward fighting the specifics of your reputation. For example, if you have a bad reputation as a selfish person, make extra effort to help others. If you have a bad reputation as a gossip, openly refuse to talk about others, and confront others when you hear them gossiping. Show up when and where you say you will be. Do not be late. If people share confidences with you, do not tell anyone (unless the person is in danger). If other people can trust and rely on you, that will help your reputation. Remember that actions always speak louder than words. If you slip up, acknowledge it immediately. Owning your mistake will show others that you are trustworthy and able to accept responsibility for your actions. Be genuinely interested in what other people do or think. People like people who ask them questions and show interest in them. Follow up with friends in need. Keep track of your relationships. Demonstrate your commitment to others through time, trust, and reciprocity. For example, ask your equestrienne friend how she did in her weekend competition. Ask her the name of her horse and how often she trains. If she has public tournaments, consider going to support her. If you have friends who have been struggling with an illness or another problem, call them. Ask how they are doing. Consider sending a card or flowers. Show that you have not forgotten them. Call your friends on their birthdays even if they live far from you. Keeping track of your friends and their important milestones shows that you value your relationships with them. Decide who you want to be. Set a clear goal of how you want people to feel or think about you. What is most important to you about how others view you? Keep your focus on showing your true self and living your values. "Make other people think I'm attractive" isn't a particularly helpful goal, and it also isn't something you can control. "Live honestly so people know I'm trustworthy" is something you're in control of, and it's also a goal that's in line with something you value about your character. If you aren't sure what your values are, take a little time to figure them out. What's the most important to you? What core beliefs shape how you see the world? What do you respect others for?
Act quickly. Make amends Clear up misunderstandings. Practice positive behavior. Be trustworthy and dependable. Show interest in others. Plan your future self.