Input: .
Generate a negative review for a place
Output: "Q. What do I do if my pet dies at home?" "We provide pickup services 24 hours a day. The pickup fee is $35.00 during our normal business hours of 8:30 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. on Monday through Friday. The pickup fee is $45 after hours or on holidays. There is no charge to bring your pet to our office during normal business hours, however, please call (702) 739-4838 for an appointment." Our pug died last night at home and we were in need of some caring help. I am in a rage this morning that we called last night seeing that they claimed they have 24 hour body pick-up service and none answered, none called back to either my phone or my BFs. She died around 10pm last night and we kept calling and gave up around 4am. I had to take out stuff from the standalone freezer in my garage and put my baby in there because I was getting worried about her body decaying before I can find a solution. Sorry but that's fucking fucked up. How do these people run a "compassionate" service that gives your dog "dignity" and "ensures peace of mind" and gives "guidance at any time of need" to owners when I had to resort to putting my dog in a food freezer so she doesn't rot to pieces before I can give her a proper send off? And they STILL didn't answer this morning when I called. They open at 8:30am. A vet and a cemetery already called me back, but not these fuckers who claim 24 hour care. I went with the pet cemetery. Not only did they answer, they had compassion referring to my dog as "my baby girl" and had a gentle kind way in her words in explaining what to do so my dog can finally have a rest and you can hear in her voice that she cared when she was telling me "it will be alright" and that "she will help any way she can" when I lost it on the phone and got bawling. She touched my hand and handed me tissues when I started to cry in their office and was fighting back tears of her own. That's all I wanted is for a business to live up to their name and help me get her to rest. Worst damn night of my life getting antsy hoping for a call back. If you guys answered I would have loved to give you guys double just to "tip" for taking care of us when we need it most. I know your job isn't easy and it's no fun having to go in the middle of the night to pick up corpses, but c'mon it's your business that you chose to have and you guys chose to claim 24 hour services! Run your business right then and please respond to people in a reasonable time! Sorry, but if I die in this godforsaken valley, I'm making sure my corpse or my family doesn't land in with you guys. Can't even get my dog dignity, how am I going to trust you with a human? EDIT: So they DID call. Whoop-de-doo. At 6am to my BFs cellphone when we passed out from exhaustion....yeah the BF left a message around 11pm ish so that's quite a long time to call us back . Timely fashion is all we ask for....I know I'm not the only person in this city who had a dog die last night and that the employees need to have a life, but again, you signed up into this industry and advertise a service that was not followed on through. This IS a time sensitive industry. A corpse at 60*F will already smell of decay in 6 hours. If we didn't have a freezer we were going to be ROYALLY FUCKED. She died around 9:30-10pm....8 hours spanned by the time they called us back so she was definitely going to be decayed in my 77*F living room. That's traumatic to put people through...no one wants to see their pet in such a dismal condition.

Input: .
Generate a positive review for a place
Output: Love it! Only reason why I cant up 5 stars is because there's been multiple times when I've entered the shop and NO ONE bothered to say greet me. I love the drinks tho.. I got an awesome groupon too just because i love my boba from there!

Input: .
Generate a negative review for a place
Output: Beer in Church - a bit sacrilegious and I'm not even a religious man.... J/K That whole novelty wore off quickly.... Beer was decent - Food (had a philly steak) was plain BAD. Better question is - how do you really screw up a steak sandwich? Wife had a fish sandwich that I think had to be in their freezer since the day the place opened. Hummus was actually decent and they served it with fresh flat-bread. Just another sub-par Pittsburgh restaurant. I will say that the Pizza that made its way past our table looked and smelled delicious - if i do go back, I would head straight for that! I would also say that the dinner menu was a bit on the $$$$ side for food that could not hold up to your better dining experiences. Proceed with caution!

Input: .
Generate a negative review for a place
Output:
You ever think that some people open places to catch the market trend? Not that there's anything worong with that (Hell, I almost wish I had the capital to open a store with survival gear, though I would be sure it actually HAD survival gear, but I digress...) I've been there a couple of times, hoping that he would have more than just exploding targets and overpriced 10# cans of stuff, but so far, it's just cheapo-made swords, stunguns, and stickers. It's a great idea, but only so-so execution of it. And what IS with the AstroTurf in the store? I suppose I want more out of my place to prepare for the apocalypse. (Where's my how-to class on beheading the undead? What stuff DO I really need to survive it all?) I too was a little confused by the tiki torches and giant dinosaur on the roof (no solar-powered lights?) I've been ruined by living in Las Vegas, it seems. I can look through the movie-set fakery quicker than I should, unfortunately not being as impressed as I could be by the shiny objects and flashing lights. With places like military surplus stores and one of the largest Bass Pro shops in the area, this guy needs to step up his game. Unless his market is just the tourist crowd, of course, in which case I tell them to have fun.