TASK DEFINITION: In this task, you must classify if a given review is positive/negative, indicating your answer as P or N.
PROBLEM: toward the bottom of the ' 80s action movie barrel lies action jackson , the only movie in hollywood history to show sharon stone and vanity topless within a span of ten minutes .
this carl " apollo creed
" weathers vehicle features the traditional cop vs .
evil establishment crook , and relies on all the ' 80s trappings , from the token heroin addict who needs a fix to the shouting superior officer .
somewhere in between come the explosions and boobs , although there is a curious lack of exploding boobs .
weathers is action jackson , a detroit cop known for all sorts of crazy vigilante techniques .
speaking of one past criminal apprehension , jackson 's superior yells , " you tore his arm off !
" jackson replies , " he had a spare .
"
jackson has been busted down to a desk job because of past problems with auto manufacturer dellaplane ( craig t . nelson ) and now has to act as department liaison to a dinner honoring nelson .
after hearing what jackson thinks of him , stone says , " i take it
you 're not one of dellaplane 's friends . "
" not unless they changed the definition , " jackson glowers .
and of course it turns out stone is mrs .
dellaplane .
faux pas , jackson . .
.
not everything is happy in motown ; people are being killed and dellaplane has evil plans for the awa .
it 's all up to jackson to stop it , and his only lead lies in vanity ( not his own ) .
wherever she left off with prince in terms of exchanging sexual favors for career advancement she picks up in action jackson .
she plays the heroin addict and chanteuse in dellaplane 's nightclub .
after singing one particularly sultry number for him , she saunters over and complains , " i expected a standing ovation .
"
he responds , " you 're getting one , " and it 's damn clever because he 's sitting down at the time .
prince would n't even let out an innuendo that lame
and he 's the king of the horndogs .
. .
or at least the prince .
it 's a testament to the ' 80s that sharon stone is killed off within the first 30 minutes but vanity survives the whole movie .
action jackson is another variation on the " unlikely partners " buddy action flick , with jackson lugging junkie vanity around .
this leads to some of the worst paired acting of the me decade , and with the dialogue they 're given , there 's not much room for improvement .
my favorite is when vanity , feeling the effects of drug withdrawal , says , " i feel like my teeth are hollow , my gums are made of dry rubber and someone 's trying to start a bonfire in the back of my bloody head .
"
jackson 's response is , " i think i felt that way once .
they called it love .
"
you 'll understand when i say watch this at your own risk . serving the world for nearly 1/25th of a century !

SOLUTION: N

PROBLEM: after enduring mariah carey 's film debut , glitter , i 'm reminded of a bit from chris rock 's bigger and blacker .
in response to women saying that they can raise a child without a man , rock says , " you can drive a car with your feet , but that do n't mean it should be done .
" to that i say , you can give mariah carey a movie , but that certainly do n't mean it should be done .
sure , there are plenty of pop star film vehicles out there -- from the beatles ' a hard day 's night to the spice girls ' spice world -- but none have been so vapidly pointless or laughable as glitter .
everything about this complete tripe is ludicrous .
start off with the story , which -- as gruesomely predictable as it is -- is the least offensive part of the movie .
the film is inexplicably set in the 80s ,
a period piece that really shows no sign of its period except for a few chicks in leg warmers .
worse yet
, everyone 's speaking late 90s hip - hop slang in what should be 1983 .
meant to be partially autobiographical , carey plays billie frank , a young singer in new york who struggles to overcome a rough childhood and abandonment by her alcoholic mother .
influential club dj julian dice , a .
k . a .
" lucky 7
" ( max beesley playing a bad mix of puff daddy and robert de niro ) , hears her sing on a track , and decides to make her a star .
in predictably rapid succession , billie and dice fall for each other , she starts hitting it big , dice gets jealous and starts acting like an ass , and suddenly billie 's on " the roller coaster of superstardom .
" in the meantime , billie is on an emotional hunt for her missing mom .
i wo n't give away the ending , but -- honestly -- just think of unicorns and rainbows .
. .
you 'll figure it out .
the movie screams to be made with camp , and that could 've been fun .
but the filmmakers thought making the bulk of glitter weepy and dramatic would be better .
what a mistake .
the brief attempts at comic relief -- as in a scene where an effeminate russian - sounding director gets wacky with filming billie 's first music video -- go over like lead balloons .
instead , the audience at my screening tended to laugh loudest during mariah 's most dramatic scenes .
which brings us to the performances , of which there 's nothing good that can be said
.
mariah is primarily seen with a wide - eyed deer - in - the - headlights look frozen on her face .
she actually looks scared during her one love scene .
but you have to wonder if the writing is n't even worse .
so much of the dialogue is so hackneyed and watered down for carey 's virginal target audience that it 's probably impossible for any actor to pull it off with aplomb .
even the characters could n't have been written more absurdly .
they 're all members of a barbie playset : the important film director who swoons , " billie , i 'd love to put you in a movie i 'm making , " and the big - time record executive who takes billie 's demo tape and says , " oh , i 'll make sure the whole team listens to it in the morning .
" everyone in the film is a device , and it 's painful to keep watching just to see another one appear .
to say more would be a waste .
there 's so much wrong with this film .
and , it pains me that mariah carey -- with her ego and sanity in such fragile condition these days , as evidenced by her multiple hospital stays -- will have to suffer through all the negative reviews she 's likely to get .
but , then again , i had to suffer through her movie .

SOLUTION: N

PROBLEM: nearly every film tim burton has directed has been an homage to the horror genre -- " frankenweenie , " " beetlejuice , " " batman ,
" " edward scissorhands , " " ed wood , " " mars attacks !
" -- yet none of them have been horror films .
"
sleepy hollow " is his first attempt to actually scare people .
i greeted the prospect with high anticipation ; burton 's whole career seemed to be leading up to this .
i left disappointed .
andrew kevin walker 's screenplay takes only the character names from the classic short story " the legend of sleepy hollow .
" in the movie ichabod crane ( johnny depp ) is a new york city police constable who is trying to introduce scientific methods of investigation to his superiors .
ichabod is dispatched to the small town of sleepy hollow to investigate a series of murders .
several of the town 's leading citizens have been decapitated by the headless horseman .
although he rejects the ghost story the town elders tell him , ichabod finds that the facts of the case confound his scientific reasoning .
he also discovers that the killings are not random , that the victims are tied together by a secret .
along the way ichabod gets help from a bewitching ( literally ) young woman ( christina ricci ) and the son of one of the murder victims ( marc pickering ) .
my reaction : ho - hum
.
the plot is an accumulation of cliches without even the slightest touch of originality to make it interesting .
that in itself is forgivable ; hollywood constantly tries to sell us used products in new packages .
however , burton 's attempts at inducing fright come off as goofy .
it might be his background -- in his previous movies , goofy was the goal .
along the same lines , it does n't help that creature designer ( and producer ) kevin
yagher has done his best work for the tongue - in - cheek tales from the crypt tv series .
a witch 's eyes and tongue shoot out like roger rabbit 's , a tree spurts blood like it 's in a monty python sketch , and
the headless horseman .
. .
well , he 's a guy without a head .
.
.
on a horse
( boo ! ) .
the performances are also awful .
although he 's impressed me with his work in other films , depp does n't seem to know what to do with ichabod , and his dialogue is hampered by stilted diction
that 's supposed to pass for an 18th century accent .
ricci seems to put all her effort into seeming enigmatic , which guarantees that we wo n't sympathize with her character .
the actor who is revealed at the end to be the villain comes off as ridiculously cartoonish .
the only pleasure generated by the cast comes from surprise cameos by christopher lee , martin landau , and christopher walken .
i wonder if this movie was originally conceived as part of francis ford coppola 's projected series of gothic adaptations , a series that produced only " bram stoker 's dracula " and " mary shelley 's frankenstein .
"
coppola is an executive producer for " sleepy hollow , " and the script reflects his interest in early forms of " moving pictures , " particularly in a toy that ichabod carries which blends two pictures to create an optical illusion .
( there 's a bird on one side of the card , a cage on the other .
when the card is flipped rapidly , the bird appears to be caged . )
bottom line : the hollow is n't the only thing that 's sleepy .

SOLUTION:
N