Write an article based on this "Examine your communication. Consider your beliefs about yourself. Recognize distorted thinking. Think about what you want. Honor yourself. Challenge your interpretations of interactions with others. Learn to be assertive. Become comfortable with confrontation. Seek help."
You are not responsible for others' behavior, and you should not blame yourself when others are unkind or ungenerous. However, you can control your own actions. If you feel disrespected or ignored by others, you may be able to affect how they respond to you by changing how you communicate and act. The following are some attitudes and behaviors that may encourage others to treat you unfairly: You say yes to everything another person (or any person) asks of you, even if the request is inappropriate or inconvenient. You are not willing to say no or to ask for a revision of expectations out of fear that the other person will not like you or will find fault with you. You do not express your true feelings, thoughts, or beliefs. You express your opinions, needs, or feelings in an overly apologetic or self-effacing way (e.g., "If it wouldn't be too much trouble, would you..." or "It's only my opinion, but"). You think that others' feelings, needs, and thoughts are more important than yours. You put yourself down in front of others (and often, to yourself). You think that you'll only be liked or loved if you do what other people expect of you. Psychologists have defined a set of "irrational beliefs" that can cause hurt and discontent when you hold them. These beliefs often demand more from yourself than from others. They may also use "should" statements. Think about whether you have any of the following: You believe that it is essential to be loved and approved of by everyone in your life. You consider yourself a "loser," "worthless," "useless," or "stupid" if others do not acknowledge you. You use "should" statements frequently, such as "I should be able to do everything anyone asks of me" or "I should always try to please others." In addition to having irrational beliefs, such as feeling like you should always be able to do anything anyone asks of you, you might also think about yourself in a distorted way. In order to deal with feeling taken for granted, you must confront illogical and distorted thoughts about yourself and others. For example, you might believe that you are responsible for everyone's feelings (an "internal control fallacy"). This is a common source of feeling taken for granted: you worry about hurting others' feelings by saying "no," so you always say "yes" when they make a request. However, you are not doing yourself or the other person any favors if you aren't honest about your boundaries. Saying "no" can be healthy and helpful. "Personalization" is another common distortion. When you personalize, you make yourself the cause of something that you aren't actually responsible for. For example: imagine that your friend has asked you to babysit so she can go to a job interview, but you have an important event of your own at that time that can't be rescheduled. Personalizing this situation would make you feel responsible for your friend's situation even though you are not. If you said "yes" even though you really needed to say "no" it might lead to you feeling dissatisfied, because you didn't respect your own needs. "Catastrophizing" happens when you allow your view of a situation to spiral out of control to the worst possible scenario. For example, you may feel taken for granted because you imagine that if you speak up to your boss, he will fire you and you will end up living in a box. In all likelihood, this won't happen! One of the self-defeating beliefs that can keep you trapped in a cycle of feeling taken for granted is that you don't deserve anything different. Believing that others will leave you if you displease them can lead to you keeping people in your life that don't contribute to your happiness or growth. You know that you don't want to feel taken for granted. But what do you want? It will be hard to see any change in your situation if you feel vague dissatisfaction but have no clear ideas on what would improve it. Try making a list of things that you would like to see change about the relationship. Once you know what your ideal interaction looks like, you'll be able to take better action to get you there. For example, if you feel taken for granted because your children only call you when they need money, think about the way you'd like your interactions to go. Do you want them to call once a week? When they've had a good day? Do you want to give them money when they ask for it? Do you give them money because you're worried they won't call you at all if you don't? You need to examine your boundaries so you can communicate them to others. Only you can set a boundary and stick to it. You may feel unappreciated because you aren't communicating your needs and feelings clearly, or it may be because you are interacting with a manipulative person. Sadly, there are people who will manipulate others whenever possible to get what they want. Whether the other person's treatment of you stems from ignorance or manipulation, don't assume that the situation will simply clear itself up. You need to take action. You may feel taken for granted because you're allowing yourself to jump to conclusions about how interactions will go. For example, you might believe that the other person will become hurt or angry with you if you tell them "no." Or you might assume that because someone has forgotten to do something for you, they don't care about you. Try to slow down and think logically about each situation. For example: you often give your romantic partner gifts to express your love for her or him, but they don't give you gifts in return. You feel unappreciated because you are tying the other person's love for you to a particular action. However, your partner might care about you but not demonstrate it through the specific action you're looking for. Talking with your partner could clear up this misunderstanding. You could also look at how others have handled requests from a particular person. For example, if you feel that your boss is taking you for granted because s/he always gives you the extra weekend work, talk with your co-workers. How have they handled those requests? Have they experienced the negative fallout you expect for yourself? It may be that you're getting the work piled on because you're the only person who won't stand up for yourself. Communicating assertively doesn't mean you're arrogant or unkind. It means that you clearly express your needs, feelings, and thoughts to others. If others don't know what your needs and feelings are, they may end up taking advantage of you even if they don't mean to. Research has shown that you can even express negative emotions without hurting others if you do so assertively, rather than aggressively. Communicate your needs openly and honestly. Use "I"-focused statements, such as "I want..." or "I don't like..." Don't over-apologize or demean yourself. It's fine to say no. You do not have to feel guilty denying a request that you don't feel you can accommodate. Some individuals will try to avoid conflict at all costs. This may be because they are afraid of displeasing others. It could be because of cultural values (for example, people from a collectivist culture may not view conflict avoidance in a negative light). When your desire to avoid conflict means that you shut down your own needs and feelings, it becomes a problem. Being open about your needs may result in some confrontation, but this is not always negative. Research has shown that conflict, when handled productively, can foster the development of skills like compromise, negotiation, and cooperation. Assertiveness training may help you handle conflict better. Assertive communication has been linked to increased self-esteem. Believing that your own feelings and needs are as important as those of others may enable you to handle a confrontation without feeling defensive or like you need to attack the other person. It can be hard to battle learned helplessness and learned guilt on your own. Once the pattern forms, it can be hard to break, especially if you have had long-term dealings with someone who was in a position of authority over you and made you feel you had to obey all the time. Don't be harsh on yourselfthese behaviors have formed as coping mechanisms, ways to protect yourself from harm and threat. The trouble is that they have now become poor coping mechanisms that keep setting you up for the same fall each time. Working through them will help you feel happier and safer. Some people are able to make a decision to work through the issues alone, perhaps with the help of a good friend or mentor. Other people find seeing a therapist or counselor is beneficial. Do what feels most comfortable to you.