Problem: Write a positive movie review.

Answer: I admit that I am a vampire addict: I have seen so many vampire movies I have lost count and this one is definitely in the top ten. I was very impressed by the original John Carpenter's Vampires and when I descovered there was a sequel I went straight out and bought it. This movie does not obey quite the same rules as the first, and it is not quite so dark, but it is close enough and I felt that it built nicely on the original.

Jon Bon Jovi was very good as Derek Bliss: his performance was likeable and yet hard enough for the viewer to believe that he might actually be able to survive in the world in which he lives. One of my favourite parts was just after he meets Zoey and wanders into the bathroom of the diner to check to see if she is more than she seems. His comments are beautifully irreverant and yet emminently practical which contrast well with the rest of the scene as it unfolds.

The other cast members were also well chosen and they knitted nicely to produce an entertaining and original film. It is not simply a rehash of the first movie and it has grown in a similar way to the way Fright Night II grew out of Fright Night. There are different elements which make it a fresh movie with a similar theme.

If you like vampire movies I would recommend this one. If you prefer your films less bloody then choose something else.

Problem: Write a positive movie review.

Answer: Even though it has one of the standard "Revenge Price Plots," this film is my favorite of Vincent Price's work. Gallico has that quality that is missing in so many horror film characters- likeability. When you watch it, you feel for him, you feel his frustration, the injustices against him, and you cheer him on when he goes for vengeance, even though he frightens you a little with his original fury. As the film goes on, his character becomes tragic. He's committed his murder, but now he must kill to cover that up. And again to cover that one up. And again... your stomach sinks with his soul as it goes down its spiral- like watching a beloved brother turn into a hood. Even if the revenge story is of old, the plot devices themselves are original- Gallico uses his tricks to kill in more and more inventive ways. A shame this one isn't available for home veiwing.

Problem: Write a positive movie review.

Answer: As much as I have enjoyed the Hanzo the Razor movies, three is definitely enough: 'Who's Got The Gold?', the final adventure for the Japanese lawman with the impressive package, is a fairly enjoyable piece of Pinku cinema, but offers little new in terms of ideas whilst taking a big step backwards as far as outrageousness is concerned.

The film opens with the appearance of a female ghost, and looks as though it is going to explore supernatural territory, something which might have taken the series in an interesting new direction; unfortunately, after the spook turns out to be nothing but a Scooby Doo-style ruse (cooked up by a corrupt treasury official keen to keep people away from the lake where he is hiding stolen gold), director Yoshio Inoue is content to recycle familiar elements from the first two films, the result being a rather stale affair.

Once again, Hanzo heads an investigation that requires him to interrogate women through the use of his mighty penis, slice up his enemies, and abuse his superiors. On the way, we get wild orgies, good-natured rape (Hanzo forces himself on women who wind up appreciating his willfulness), and bloody sword-fights.

If you've already seen and appreciated the first two films, you might as well watch this instalment to complete the set, but be warned, this is probably the least satisfying one of them all.

6.5 out of 10, rounded up to 7 for IMDb.

Problem: Write a negative movie review.

Answer:
This is the best film the Derek couple has ever made and if you think this is a recommendation then you haven't seen any of the others. There are the usual ingredients: it is just as poorly acted as their other efforts, we can watch Bo disrobing or auditioning for wet T-shirt contests quite frequently, the story is just laughably idiotic, and the film takes itself much too seriously. And then: Orang Utans in Africa?

But it has a few things going for it. Bo looks great, the production values (sets, costumes, etc.) are quite good, and this greatly enhances its camp value. In a strange way it is actually quite funny, simply because it tries to be serious and fails so badly.