TASK DEFINITION: In this task, you must classify if a given review is positive/negative, indicating your answer as P or N.
PROBLEM: it happens every year -- the days get longer , the weather gets warmer and the studios start releasing their big - budget blockbusters .
this year 's crop already seems inferior to that of past summers , even 1997 's lackluster trio of batman & robin , the fifth element and the lost world .
the marketing blitz in 1998 has been centered on godzilla ( " heeere , lee - zerd , lee - zerd . . . " ) , which does n't make me optimistic about future summers .
godzilla is , of course , based on a series of cult movies ( translation : really bad movies only a few people can tolerate ) from japan that turn up really late at night on ted turner - owned cable stations .
that this big - budget remake wo n't rise above its roots is fairly obvious .
the credits show us the origin of godzilla .
in five words : nuclear explosion creates giant lizard .
sounds like an enquirer headline , does n't it ?
the mushroom cloud is followed by the inevitable " discovery " sequence .
this time , a japanese guy is eating noodles with chopsticks while watching sumo wrestling ( if that ai n't a stereotype . . . )
when he discovers the telltale radar blip .
people die .
cut to our protagonist , played by matthew broderick .
he makes his first appearance wearing headphones , warbling along to " singin ' in the rain .
"
it 's a none - too - subtle sign that he wishes he were in a classier movie .
no dice , bueller .
from the beginning , poor matthew has to do embarassing things like fondle giant earthworms and stand in godzilla 's enormous footprint .
every disaster movie has to have a know - it - all scientist , and this time broderick is it .
as the world 's leading expert on radiated earthworms ( and would n't you love to have that printed on your business card ? ) , broderick is invaluable to the government .
he immediately dispels vicki lewis ' theory that godzilla is a dinosaur because , hey , you ca n't take seriously the intellectual arguments of " newsradio " cast members .
broderick instead hits the nail on the head , announcing godzilla is a radiated lizard .
"
the radiation is n't an anamoly , " he announces , and lightning strikes .
"
i believe this is a mutated abberation , " he continues , and lightning strikes again .
it 's vocabulary lightning , you see ,
activated by words of four syllables or more .
meanwhile , we 're introduced to our new york cast , headed by an ambitious broadcast journalist ( maria patillo ) , broderick 's former love .
gee , what are the odds their paths will cross again at a dramatically important time ?
poor patillo has been trying to get ahead in the news business for years but has been held down by heartless anchorman harry shearer .
italian cameraman hank azaria tells her she 's not ruthless enough : " nice does n't get you anywhere in this town .
it 's dog eat dog .
"
actually , it 's lizard eat city , as godzilla emerges from the atlantic to begin a rampage on the big apple 's core .
the filmmakers provide us with a one - note drunk fisherman who hooks godzilla .
"
i think i 've got a bite , " he announces as a gigantic tidal wave begins rushing toward him .
you can guess what happens next .
similar reactions spring forth as the monster prowls the city .
hearing the rumble of approaching footsteps , one new yorker remarks , " please do n't tell me that 's another parade .
" please do n't tell me that 's the best line you could come up with .
mayor ebert is not pleased . played by the principal from " head of the class , " he continually makes the wrong decision when given an option , and bickers with his assistant gene .
i guess the filmmakers knew they 'd be getting two thumbs down from the critics and did n't even bother to kiss ass .
the problem is , if you 're going to attack siskel and ebert , you should at least make it funny .
dialogue like , " did n't we agree that we were n't going to have any sweets until after the election ?
" followed by , " back off , gene , " just does n't work for me .
other lame running jokes include everyone mispronouncing the broderick character 's last name and frenchman jean reno 's inability to find a good cup of coffee in new york .
there 's even more fun to be had as godzilla progresses .
as the beast heads back into hiding , broderick suggests the military lure it out with food .
cue twelve dump trucks , all dropping fish into a new york intersection .
( broderick :
that 's a lot of fish . )
that ambush fails , but broderick soon figures out why godzilla came to new york by buying $ 50 worth of home pregnancy tests and running lizard blood through them .
yep , godzilla 's with children , which makes you wonder just what kind of creature would be horny enough to have sex with godzilla .
that 's until broderick explains that godzilla reproduces asexually , like linda tripp .
godzilla comes to us from the makers of independence day , so
it has a lot of dumb action scenes , destructive special effects and shallow subplots .
look no further than patillo 's betrayal of broderick
( patillo : what have i done , animal ?
what have i become ? ) and the climactic " godzilla 's nest " sequence in madison square garden .
the main difference is , independence day was about the experience .
it had a real global , patriotic element to it , and some genuinely fun characters .
godzilla has lots of rain and lightning , reptilian action ripped off from jurassic park and endless product placement from the likes of kodak , blockbuster , juicy fruit , swatch , sprint and bumble bee tuna .
yes , bumble bee actually paid to be known as the official tuna of godzilla .
that fact alone is twice as interesting as anything in the movie .

SOLUTION: N

PROBLEM: steve martin is one of the funniest men alive . if you can take that as a true statement , then your disappointment at this film will equal mine .
martin can be hilarious , creating some of the best laugh - out - loud experiences that have ever taken place in movie theaters .
you wo n't find any of them here .
the old television series that this is based on has its moments of humor and wit .
bilko ( and the name is n't an accident ) is the head of an army motor pool group , but his passion is his schemes .
every episode involves the sergeant and his men in one or another hair - brained plan to get rich quick while outwitting the officers of the base .
" mchale 's navy " 's granddaddy .
that 's the idea behind this movie too , but the difference is that , as far - fetched and usually goofy as the television series was , it was funny .
there is not one laugh in the film .
the re - make retains the goofiness , but not the entertainment .
everything is just too clean .
it was obviously made on a hollywood back lot and looks every bit like it .
it all looks brand new , even the old beat - up stuff .
martin is remarkably small in what should have been a bigger than life role .
in the original , phil silvers played the huckster with a heart of gold and more than a touch of sleaziness .
martin 's bilko is a pale imitation .
the only semi - bright spot is phil hartman as bilko 's arch - enemy .
it 's not saying much , considering martin 's lackluster character , but hartman leaves him in the dust .

SOLUTION: N

PROBLEM: "
the deep end " uses a color palette of rich earth tones surrounded by a vast array of blues .
alluring , attractive blues , but also icy and foreboding .
after taking in their beauty , the eye seeks out the reassuring browns and greens , like a tired swimmer searching for the safety of land .
the production works that way as well ?
it pulls you in initially as a crisp , thoroughly - modern thriller , with clipped exchanges between defiantly non - communicative characters .
but the real draw of the film is the submerged humanity of two key players as " the deep end " gradually reveals the melodramatic core beneath its ironic candy coating .
spoiler alert
: the following reveals the basic storyline .
i believe the plot points are incidental , because the real rewards come in exploring the mindset of the main characters , but still , you should proceed at your own risk .
with her husband tom , a naval officer , often away at sea , margaret hall ( tilda swinton ) holds down the fort , taking care of the children , beau ( jonathan tucker ) , paige ( tamara hope ) , and dylan ( jordon dorrance ) , while her father - in - law jack ( peter donat ) hovers in the background , always watching .
the story opens with margaret leaving the family home in lake tahoe to storm a male strip club in reno .
it seems that beau , her eldest , is having an affair with darby reese ( josh lucas ) , a disreputable sort 12 years
his senior . margaret demands that darby leave her son alone , only to have the man smirk at her and announce he 'll be glad to steer clear of beau ? for $ 5000 .
back at home , she tries to talk about it all with her son , but the kid wo n't even confirm that he 's gay , let alone discuss the issues she has with his boyfriend .
he does , however , get attentive when she reveals darby 's $ 5 , 000 offer , even as he maintains his sullen demeanor .
late in the evening , darby shows up outside , tossing pebbles at beau 's window like a schoolchild .
the two meet by the water at the boathouse , where something important happens .
i wo n't reveal what ; suffice to say we become aware of a significant fact that margaret does not .
all of this happens in the first few minutes of the movie , by the way .
within a day or so , margaret 's life becomes even more complicated when a suave man named alec goran visnjic ) turns up with an explicit videotape documenting the sex life of beau and darby .
he and his associate are willing to destroy the tape ,
once margaret coughs up $ 50 , 000 .
oh , what 's a mother to do ?
end spoilers written , directed and produced by scott mcgehee and david siegel ( " suture " ) , " the deep end " is based on elisabeth sanxay holding 's 1940 's novel , " the blank wall , " which was also the source of the 1949 film , " the reckless moment .
"
i 've neither read the book nor seen the movie , but i understand that the filmmakers changed some details .
in holding 's story , the " scandalous " relationship is between an older man and margaret 's teen - age daughter .
switching the gender makes the tale seem more contemporary , and it also raises questions about margaret 's motives .
many reviews of " the deep end " describe margaret as a mother ferociously protecting her son , but i wonder .
consider this : margaret lives in a meticulously kept upscale home .
her husband is absent most of the time and seems to be regarded as a larger - than - life figure .
her father - in - law is constantly present , almost as if he is monitoring for his son .
and when her husband does call , margaret is careful not to tell him about anything disturbing that is going on with the family .
so is margaret a mother who accepts her son 's sexual orientation and is simply trying to shield the young man from a lover she fears will take advantage of him ?
or is she caretaker of a museum of upper middle class complacency , desperate to maintain the status quo so that everything will be postcard perfect when the old man returns from the sea ?
you sort it out .
regardless , the resonance of " the deep end " comes from two actors .
goran visnjic , best known from the tv drama " er , " is striking as a blackmailer unlike any you 've seen before .
he engages margaret in a mesmerizing dance of protocol , chivalry and simmering eroticism .
but the star of this show , without a doubt , is the remarkable tilda swinton .
watch the shadings , depth , resource , vitality and understated sexuality she gives margaret and try to imagine the film without her .
days after my second viewing of " the deep end , " i can still vividly picture her negotiating with villains , trying to connect with her son and diving into icy blue water .
"
the deep end " is an exceptional film and tilda swinton is the best part of it .

SOLUTION:
P