INPUT ARTICLE: Article: Put one story or joke setup on one side of the card. On the other side, write down the punchline(s), including different directions you could take the joke (less insulting, more insulting, totally different direction). That way, it makes it easier for you to adjust your jokes based on audience response. For instance: "Just look at him over there, slouched in that chair. Let me tell you, my brother is so lazy " "... he can't even summon the energy to laugh at these hilarious jokes." "... that when his ex-wife said 'That's it I'm leaving,' he said 'Could you grab me a beer on your way out?'" "... that no one even bothers to ask him to do anything anymore oh, wait i just realized my brother is a genius!" The element of surprise can often help you create the punchline of the joke. That is, people often expect a story to go one way. If it goes a different way, that can often produce a laugh. Use the person's quirks to create the element of surprise. Alternatively, use a line of your own to surprise your audience. For example, say the person has an obsession with tea. You could tell a little story this way: "One time, I saw Charlie lugging a box of like 200 tea bags into the office. I said, 'Charlie, how can any person drink that much tea?' He said 'I'll tell you a secret I soak my feet in it under my desk to help with foot odor.' And when I asked 'Then why are your teeth stained brown?' he answered 'Well, I'm not going to waste it this is expensive tea!'" Part of being funny is pacing yourself. If you rush through a story and the punchline, you're probably going to leave people in the dust. Instead, include pauses so that your audience can keep up, especially when you're delivering the punchline. What will really make your roast funny is putting what you have to say in perspective by using stories to drive the point home. If you just say, "Haha, isn't Fred a joke? He's always running late," that's not very funny. However, if you put the same point in a story, people will find it more amusing. For example, you could say, "Fred has never been on time for a staff meeting. In fact, when it came time for him to lead one, he thought he was supposed to start it with 'OK, any questions before we finish?' And for the 'continental breakfast' he brought lukewarm decaf and half an onion bagel for everyone to share." While providing detail is good, make sure you don't waste excessive time getting to the point of the joke. If you're not confident in your jokes, the people around you won't be either. The jokes will fall flat. You've got to believe in your jokes--or at least act like you believe in them--for people to actually come along for the ride. Look around the room, and catch people's eyes. Also, stand up straight, and try not to fidget. Speak in a clear, engaging tone. Practice in the mirror a few times. And remember that you're putting on an act.

SUMMARY: Create note cards that give you multiple punchline options. Use the element of surprise. Get the timing right. Focus on detail. Say it with confidence.

In one sentence, describe what the following article is about: If the accident happened in sight of pedestrians, a shop, or other drivers, ask them to stay on the scene until the police arrive so that they can provide statements. If possible, get their name and phone number. After the police officer has finished taking statements and completing the report, you should get the other driver's information. Make your information freely available as well; people might think you're at fault if you try to hide anything. The following information should be exchanged: Full name, address, contact information Driver's license numbers License plate number Insurance company and policy number Make, model and color of the vehicle Write down any information you receive from the police officer and the other driver. Take pictures of the scene with your phone. You'll want to get pictures of the location itself, including stop signs, traffic lights, and other elements you think might have played into the accident. The insurance company will ask many questions, and you can use these pictures as a reference. Make sure to get pictures of the damage to the vehicle as well.
Summary: Look for witnesses. Exchange information with the other driver. Document the incident.

INPUT ARTICLE: Article: You will have plenty of time from when you first know that a new baby is coming until the baby actually arrives, so use it to ease the transition. Try a few of the following ideas: Explain the kinds of things that will happen before, when, and after the baby is born over and over so that your child is prepared for what can be confusing times. But leave a little room for the unexpected, e.g., a baby who has to stay in the hospital for a few days or weeks. Avoid giving your child the idea that the baby will be "someone to play with" or "your best friend" right away - the younger your child is, the more crucial this is. Make sure your child understands that for weeks the new baby will only sleep, eat, look around, poop, pee, and cry. Be especially clear about the crying, i.e., explicitly tell your child that some babies cry a lot and that this is NOT the older child's fault or responsibility. Get a baby doll and have your child practice taking care of the "baby." Allow your child to come with you to prenatal appointments to listen to the baby's heartbeat. Take them to an ultrasound appointment. If you have a good friendly OB, CNP, or midwife, see if he or she will let your child "help" in some way. Consider allowing your older child(ren) a say in naming the baby. This can be done by providing a list of names you wouldn't mind the baby having as a first or middle name and letting them choose the ones they really like. Ask for their input in designing and putting together the nursery. If this would work for you and your family, see if your child(ren) can attend the birth itself. Read stories to your child about new babies that provide realistic descriptions about how new babies act and positive models for how older siblings should behave. Stay away from books that paint an unrealistically rosy picture or that make ambivalent feelings seem unacceptable. Above all, keep all of this preparation brief, light-hearted and casual. Going on and on about it will bore some children and make others feel more anxious than prepared. Using age-appropriate and positive words, tell your child about his or her birth and what made it special. This will reassure your child of his or her importance to you, and help to make it clear why you're so excited about the new baby.

SUMMARY:
Involve your older children in the pregnancy process. Remind your child that he or she was a new baby once.