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Respect your friend's right to privacy. Look for signs. Let her down gently. Clear up mixed signals. Address her directly Spend some time apart. Use compassion.

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Your best friend's sexuality is her own business. If she might have a crush on you, however, you can help defuse this and save the friendship. If that's your goal, reframe your thinking. You don't need your friend to confess; you just need to return to an uncomplicated friendship. Never tell someone else you think your friend is a lesbian. No matter how progressive your school or town is, someone could bully or harass your friend because of that rumor (even if it is not true). You do not have to be 100% certain before you do something. You will probably continue to suspect something or second-guess your friend until you clear the air. However, if you are hesitating or doubting yourself, you can check for the following signs of a possible attraction: Physical touch is common in female friendships, but only to a point. If your friend holds your hand on the street, gives you massages, or hugs you for an unusually long time, she might have a crush on you. (The boundaries are different in each culture, so these examples don't apply everywhere.) She contacts you constantly, and gets upset if you take too long to respond. She gets upset if you spend time with other friends instead of her. There are ways to defuse the situation without prying into your friend's personal life. During a private conversation, make it clear that you are not interested without putting your friend on the spot. Here are a few hints you could drop (but only use them if they're true): "I really want to keep you as a best friend. Can we stay that way?" "I want to find a guy to date." "I would like us to spend more time with the rest of our friends, instead of one-on-one. Are you all right with that?" If you have cuddled, kissed, or done anything else with your best friend that could lead her on, stop and think about why you did it. If you are definitely not interested in dating your friend, this behavior can lead to heartache. Set new boundaries for your relationship, even if she tries to argue with you. Say "I think we should stop (cuddling/having sleepovers/etc.). I don't want to send you the wrong signal." . If your friend doesn't react well to the changes in your relationship, you need to bring up the elephant in the room. For example, if your friend acts jealous of your dates or other friends, or if she gets upset every time you don't hang out with her, she may have a crush on you. At this point, a private, heart-to-heart talk might be the only way to move forward. Ask your friend if she has feelings for you. Don't force her to respond or argue with her reply. Whatever her response, let her know you do not have romantic feelings for her. If you're straight or a lesbian, you can tell her that, but if you are not sure, it's best not to share that in the same conversation. This is a conversation for another time. If she is angry or scared that you brought up her sexuality, use a de-escalating phrase like "We don't have to talk about it," or "Don't worry, it's your business, I just wanted to get this out there." Just make sure you still include the important part: that you do not have feelings for her. If it turns out your friend was interested in you, she's at least a little heartbroken right now. Suggest that you stop hanging out temporarily while the two of you work through this. Try not to contact each other for at least two weeks. When you both feel ready, ease back into the friendship with short, low-pressure meetups, like a half hour lunch in a public place. Make it clear that you are still her friend, and you want the friendship to continue. If your friend is questioning her sexuality, this could be a very difficult time for her. Tell her there are LGBT resources and hotlines she can find online to help her. (Or if she was clearly crushing on you but didn't come out, tell her there are resources "for what she is going through.") Mental and physical health outcomes for non-heteronormative people improve with a stronger, accepting support network. Just as your friend respects your sexual identity, you should respect hers. If she is your best friend, and you are able to put any attraction (if it exists) behind you, your friendship does not need to change. Support her, be an ally, and value her as a human being. If your friend is dealing with negativity toward her identity, it is still possible to support her. Introducing her to other lesbians, requesting she seek the help of a therapist, encouraging a positive self-concept, and encouraging her to embrace her sexuality as part of her identity can all help produce positive outcomes