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This seems obvious, but after you both reaffirm your commitment to the relationship, any and all betrayals should end. The only way you can rebuild trust is by reestablishing honesty. This means if one partner has been lying, they have to stop. If one partner has been cheating, the illicit relationship must end. In addition to stopping the trust-breaking behaviors, it can also help to completely clean the slate. Lying and betrayal can be a slippery slope; you tell one "white" lie that turns into a dozen larger ones. Create a foundation of trust by sharing anything you have withheld from your partner. This can be a hard step to take, but it demonstrates vulnerability on both sides. Each partner must trust their partner to confess any wrongdoing. In turn, the other partner must be grateful for the disclosure. This must be done in a non-threatening, non-judgmental way in order to be effective. Couples who can share their intimate thoughts without fear of retribution can enjoy healthy lasting relationships. For example, a wife might say to a husband: "Dear, I have been fantasizing about another man for the past several weeks. I have not acted on these thoughts. Still, I am deeply ashamed because I only want you. I hope you can come to forgive me." Be sure to have this conversation in a safe space, such as a therapist's office, because certain things may trigger you or your partner and this may lead to more conflict. yourselves and one another. Forgiveness is not excusing the betrayal or forgetting that it happened. Rather it is the act of absolving your partner of guilt so that you can move forward. Because both of you broke one another's trust, you both need to be forgiven. However, you also need to forgive yourself for breaking your partner's trust. The REACH method can help you achieve forgiveness. Recall the hurt. Allow yourself to acknowledge and accept the betrayal for what it is. Don't avoid or try to repress the thoughts and feelings. Empathize with the offender. Try to understand why your partner may have betrayed you. (e.g. "You may have lied because I am often very critical.") Altruistic gift of forgiveness. Reflect on a time when you hurt someone and they granted you the gift of forgiveness. View forgiveness as a gift that awards the giver with peace of mind. Commit yourself. Announce your forgiveness to yourself, your partner, and any other loved ones for accountability. Hold onto forgiveness. When memories of the betrayal resurface, remind yourself that you chose to forgive and let go of any thoughts of revenge. Once you each of you have agreed to forgive, avoid rehashing what happened. Think of today as the first day of your relationship. Whatever lies over the horizon is what you make it. Hold each other accountable for not bringing up past betrayals in future arguments. Agree on a phrase like "Let's stick to the present, sweetie" when the past pops up.
Stop the trust-breaking behaviors immediately. Get everything out in the open. Forgive Agree to leave the past in the past.