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Initially it'll take guts, but asking for assistance is a sly way to make others feel comfortable around you. This will thus alleviate the stigma. After all, it's usually the other person's comfort that's the issue, rather than hate or fear. The other person just may not know how to act. He feels awkward about not knowing what do or say. When you give him the go-ahead, he can breathe a sigh of relief. And you thought you were the only one feeling the strife! If you're in a wheelchair, ask the other person to open the door for you, since you have trouble reaching the latch. If you're dyslexic, ask the other person if everything in your text message is spelled right. These tactics will break the ice just like in any normal, day-to-day conversation. Asking for assistance can open up the subject, but not every identity position needs extra help from others. Practice opening up the subject directly. Try saying something like, "You're probably wondering how I lost my leg/got a stutter/knew I was gay/got cancer. At least, most people do. I usually tell them...." This lets the other person know that he can ask questions, since most people are naturally curious. Some stigmatized individuals use jokes as a means to break the ice in such situations, as well as to gauge the degree of sensitivity the other person has to their unique conditions. Most times, however, merely talking directly, warmly and openly is a great way to reduce awkwardness, even if the person across from you had negative perceptions of you to begin with. This technique involves a person who understands that others may feel uncomfortable because they don't understand the issue or how to act around it. This is the technique that leads both parties to feeling adjusted and comfortable. When using this technique, don't automatically assume that the other person is judging you. It may be that this person is uninformed about your stigma. Be patient and open about the subject. Give the other person the benefit of the doubt. For example, if a person is unsure how to act around you because you're in a wheelchair, give them some suggestions on how you need help, or what you can do for yourself. There are two general techniques often used by people dealing with stigma that you should avoid. The "avoidant" technique and "comfort zone" technique can actually be harmful. Avoidant technique. This stigmatized person is just that: avoidant. He avoids new social situations with people who don't know about his unique conditions. This is done to avoid awkward conversations and possible rejection. This person ends up isolated and often lonely because new connections are impossible to make. Comfort zone technique. The stigmatized person stays within one group of people and one group of places at all times. He is only comfortable interacting with people that he knows will approve of him. Because of this, he never takes opportunities or has new experiences. Possible rejection is just too scary. Remember that some people's reactions to you are not out of hate. Instead, it's a lack of understanding. For many people, it's hard to remember that other people are fighting a battle, too. It's easy to write off this person as ignorant, mean, or just plain dumb. Though you're dealing with the brunt of it, take a step back and realize that most people you're dealing with are unsure of what to say or do. As a result, they probably feel uncomfortable. Most people do mean well, but they just don't know how to behave. When they are at a loss, many of them choose to make a graceful exit instead of possibly doing the wrong thing. It's difficult to not take this personally. The only thing you can do is use the "support others" technique to prevent it from happening. If you feel comfortable doing so, you can try to alleviate some of the tension around the stigma by making jokes. This can be incredibly difficult to do at first, but the more you practice, the easier and more comfortable it will become. If you can sense that someone is a little on edge or wants to broach the topic, relieve them of their woes and do it for them. Poke fun of yourself to show them that it's okay. Chuckle and say, "Gosh, I am just too gay to carry this suitcase. Could you do it for me?" Or, when you go to grab that yogurt from the cafeteria line, shout, "Here comes meals on wheels!" This can quickly break any tension. If you've opened up the topic, you'll probably get a good feel for just how much the person wants to know. Some people will be content knowing when it started and what it's like, while others will want you to delve into the nitty gritty. When the questions start slowing down, just change the topic. After all, you've plenty of other things to talk about! Talking about many things will help the person realize that your unique qualities don't take away from you being a multi-dimensional person. It'll also show her that the issue isn't obligatory to talk about because it's not the elephant in the room. It's no big deal and it's just one topic you two can talk about. Ask the other person about her hobbies and interests. She needs the spotlight too! If you don't feel comfortable talking about everything, that's fine too. Don't feel forced into talking about something you don't want to talk about. Cultivating boundaries around these topics and you will start learning how to tell people you'd rather not discuss it. Most people will be respectful of your wishes. For the record, there will likely always be those people who are not okay talking about difficult topics such as social stigma and marginalized groups. Odds are if you've been dealing with stigmatized social conditions for a while, you know automatically who those people are. For these people, it's probably best not to waste your energy. Interact with them how you must, but be sure to surround yourself with people who are more tolerant and self-assured. Some people are going to judge you unfairly no matter what. When you realize that you have no control over their feelings or behaviors, you can actually be liberated from any sense of guilt or responsibility associated with their feelings. Try to accept the things you have control over and let go of what you don't have control over. Unfortunately, there are plenty of people in this world who are purely intolerant, unwilling to listen, and full of hate and fear. If life takes an unfortunate turn and you wind up dealing with one of these miserable people, walk away. There is no point in stooping to their level. You're better than that. As you're walking away, remind yourself that this person is likely incredibly insecure. He takes his own dislike of himself and project it onto others. He may be so uncomfortable with who his is that it's unlikely he'll be comfortable with anyone else.
Ask others for help. Open up the subject. Use the "support others" coping technique. Skip the "avoidant" and "comfort zone" techniques. Realize that people need help understanding your stigma. Practice using humor. Don't feel like you need to dwell on the topic. Know that there will be people who aren't okay with your stigma. Let go of what you can't control. Walk away if you must.