Summarize:

If someone dislikes you, there are often times you can overlook it and go on with your life. Sometimes, however, a person's negative feelings for you might affect your grades, your job, or your ability to meet and get along with other people. In these situations, it might be time to confront the person who dislikes you: If the person is discriminating against you or treating you unfairly and is in a position of power over you (such as a teacher, boss, or parent), you may decide that it is time to talk to the person or take legal action. If the person is spreading rumors, hurting your reputation, or making your life difficult, you may need to talk to them to find out if there is a way to convince them to stop. If the person is sabotaging your relationships, you may need to confront them as well as the people he or she has interfered with. For example, if you have a father-in-law who does not like you, he may be causing other people to dislike you, possibly even including your own spouse. If the person who dislikes you is abusing you in any way, including physically, sexually, emotionally, or psychologically, it is time to get help. It is normal for people to dislike other people, but it is never ok for dislike to turn into mistreatment or abuse. This might be awkward, but sometimes the only way to know what is going on or why someone has a problem with you is to have an open conversation with her. If you can't figure out why you are disliked and you've tried asking a friend for help, consider confronting the person directly. Try to frame your discussion using "I-phrases." "I-phrases" focus on the speaker's feelings instead of presuming to know what the other person is feeling. Using "I-phrases" helps to keep the other person from becoming defensive. That means instead of saying "Why don't you like me?" keep the focus on your own feelings and say something like "I feel like there is some tension between us. Is there anything I have done or anything I can do to help?" Listen to what the person says, and try to understand from her perspective. Try not to become defensive. Think about whether there is any merit to her claims and why she might feel the way she does. Then, think about whether you should try to improve yourself or change your behavior toward her, or if her issues are unreasonable and not worth the effort. If you've done something to hurt or offend someone and that is the reason that person dislikes you, the best course of action is to try to make it right. There are three components to an effective and sincere apology: Say that you regret what happened. You need to clearly say the words, "I'm sorry." Be sure you don't say "I'm sorry you were offended," or "I'm sorry you felt that way," or anything else that places the blame on the other person for misinterpreting your intentions. Instead, be humble, and own the fact that you've hurt someone. Offer to make it right. Psychologists call this an "offer of compensation," and sometimes it literally entails compensation (for example, if you wreck someone's car, you have to fix it or replace it!). But other times compensation means changing your behavior in the future, spending more time together, doing more work at the office or around the house, or other ways of picking up your own slack and improving your behavior in the relationship. Let the person know that you are aware that what you did was wrong. In addition to saying you're sorry, you need to say that you violated social norms or expectations. For example, you might say, "I know a husband should not do that," or "I was not being a good friend when I did that." Remember that apologizing is as much about helping yourself as it is about righting wrongs. If you are at fault, apologizing can help you to gain perspective and can even lower your levels of stress and anxiety. Just remember that apologizing is only useful if you are at fault and if you are sincerely sorry. If you're not at fault and the person is making your life difficult or treating you unfairly, you may need to talk to someone in a position of authority that can help. This might include a supervisor, parent, teacher, or principal. In some cases, such as discrimination at work resulting from a boss that dislikes you, you may need to consider hiring a lawyer. While it is not illegal for a boss to dislike you, it could be illegal if it is not just because of your personality but because you are a protected minority (for example, if you are a woman, gay, or a person of color), or if he treats you unfairly because he dislikes you. At the end of the day, if you have done everything you can do and are still disliked, you need to give yourself permission to be ok with that. Ultimately, you have to choose to not allow the person who dislikes you to influence you or get you down. It is ok to be disliked. Remember that even the most popular and well-loved celebrities in the world are disliked by some people!
Decide when it is time to confront someone. Ask the person herself. Apologize and make it right. Take it higher up. Learn to let go.