Problem: What would be an example of an negative review?

Answer: Im sorry this place is not much to rave about. I understand they take a little longer to make fresh quality food, but in all honesty 3 out of the 4 times I've been there (somebody else always treated!) the food didn't even taste good! The only thing to rave about is how ridiculously massive their portions are! The 1 out of 4 times I actually liked my food was a pancake dish.... But pancakes taste good even at McDonald's. The fancy drinks are splendid.. But I can find that at any other restaurant. Go eat somewhere else.

Problem: What would be an example of an positive review?

Answer: This is a great place! We need a bay area chicken cafe!

Problem: What would be an example of an negative review?

Answer:
Nice location. I think this is where they hold the weekly Ultimate Douching Championships. I could be wrong though. 1 star because the people here douche way out of my league. Like, seriously, there's some hardcore douching going on here.