Summarize the following:
If you can have a day or even a few hours to think about their problem and possible solutions, take that time to really think about every possible solution or way of approaching the problem. You could even take the opportunity to ask someone else for advice, if you know someone who's more knowledgeable on the issue. However, a lot of the time people need immediate help by the time they actually ask for advice, so you might just have to respond to the best of your ability and follow up later. Go over with them what that difficult parts of the situation are and why those things pose a problem. Something that they see as an impassable barrier might actually be easy to overcome, with a little outside perspective. "So, you want to move but you're worried that it's impossible. What are the things stopping you from moving? You need to find a job first, right? Okay. What else? You can't leave your dad alone here? Right." Sometimes peoples can't, as they say, see the forest for the trees. They have a hard time seeing the entirety of their situation or even possible solutions because they're so fixed on a few small problems. Help them take a step back by going over the big picture, from your outsider's perspective. For example, if your friend is worried about bringing her new boyfriend to a party because he's older than she is and she doesn't want to be judged, you could point out that she probably won't know anyone at the party anyway so what difference does it make. Walk them through all of the options that they've thought of. Then, try to think of some new options that they haven't thought of and give them those as well. In this early stage, it's important to try to keep them from crossing out any options, so that all options can be weighed equally and in light of the others. When they're dismissive of options, try to find out the real reason why. Sometimes they my object based on false understandings. Say something like: "So you want to tell your husband that you're pregnant again but you need to do it carefully because money is tough right now. You can wait to tell him until after you find out about this new job or you can tell him now so that he can have more time to look into other options. Have you considered seeing what assistance programs you might qualify for and then talking to him?" Once everything is on the table, walk through all the options with them and brainstorm the pros and cons together. Between the two of you, you should be able to come up with a less biased picture of what can be done to solve the problem. "Telling your boyfriend that you want to get married is an option but knowing him it will just make him feel like you're judging him. Another option would be to double date with me and James. James can have a man-talk with him and maybe try to find out why he's so hesitant." If you have any advice from experience or even just more information about what they might expect, give them that information once the options have been discussed. They can then use that extra information to solidify their feelings regarding the options. Again, remember to try to keep bias and judgement out of your voice and words when you give them this advice. Most of the time people need a positive but motivational pep talk. Sometimes, however, people really need to hear it how it is. Sometimes, people just need a serious kick in the pants. You have to learn to gauge when it's one vs the other, which is tricky. There's no set formula. Generally, when someone is really just hurting themselves and not learning their lesson, that's when it's time to intervene. However, if you don't have a good relationship with this person or if they tend to handle criticism very poorly, telling them what they need to hear might not do your relationship any favors in the short term. Even when you do give someone this helpful nudge, it's important to not just be outright mean. People, when they seek advice, will often be wanting a guarantee. Remind them that you can't give this, that there's no way to predict the future. Let them see that you are there for them though and that even if things don't turn out like they hope, life will still go on.
Take time to think about the issue, if you can. Talk them through the hurdles. Help them evaluate the problem from the outside. Open them up to all of their options. Help them evaluate those options. Give them what information you can. Know when to be tough and when to be soft. Emphasize that you don't control the future.