TASK DEFINITION: In this task, you must classify if a given review is positive/negative, indicating your answer as P or N.
PROBLEM: according to popular film opinion , a film 's greatness is determined by time .
take for example " casablanca .
" great film , even today .
it 's still as powerful as it was when it came out and still as romantic and tragic .
another example would be " star wars , " which had a very , very healthy box office gross despite the fact that we had all seen it about 3 billion times before .
but as i rewatched " independence day " when it came out on video after being the number one hit of 1996 , i kinda felt like it was n't as cool as when i had first seen it .
i had liked it when i saw it the first time (
*
* * was my original view ) and basically saw it as a good " escape film .
"
but when i rewatched it , i felt cheated .
thus , the curse of the " event film . " " independence day " is like that kid who come out of nowhere and makes everybody happy at once ( except for a couple kids - the critics , in this situation ) .
but after a while , this kid becomes annoying and you just wait for the next one .
well , this kid is the " event film " in my little analogy .
and when i rewatched " independence day , " not only did it not look cooler at all on the big screen , but i felt insulted the whole time .
there are too many gaping craters in the plot and you just are n't sure if it 's comedy or hokey drama .
one scene , you 'll see a hilariously nebbish scene between jeff goldblum and judd hirsch ; the next you 'll see a bunch of military uptight guys walking around , saying corny lines .
the worst is a scene between brent spiner and bill pullman where spiner is sayinig something innocently funny but is barked like a junkyard dog by bill pullman who gives him the most unitentionally funniest speech since the end of " glen or glenda ?
"
now this annoying kid 's problem is that in the process of trying to make everyone like him all at once , he shows he has no balls .
and " independence day " has no balls .
it plays it safe everywhere .
it throws in a ton of action that is borrowed from other superior films .
the chase scene between the alien ship and will smith is straight out of " star wars .
"
i mean , is n't that devil 's den ? and
the aliens are about as anticlimactic as demi moore 's breasts in " striptease .
"
they 're these octopus men , boring freaking octopus men .
i mean , come on .
the aliens in " 2001 " were more interesting and you did n't even see them !
basically the plot is straight from a b - movie from the 50s : aliens come to earth and we wonder if they 're hostile or peaceful .
okay , it 's an interesting topic , but it 's not handled greatly .
now they are n't and somehow a computer geek , jeff goldblum , figure out they 're using our satellites as a countdown to destruction .
yep .
these aliens are not only heavily armed , they 're stupid too .
they also use the same kind of computer as we do , but that comes about later .
the president ( bill pullman ) , who 's under attack for being a wimp , decides this would be a nice time to be belligerent , and he decides he 'll stay in the white house which the aliens have covered .
i do n't care if it 's bob freaking dole in the white house , get him out of there .
i do n't care if you have to inject him with sodium pentathol , just get him out of there .
later on , he 's stupid and wants to fly in the attack on a big alien ship .
i think it 's time for impeachment for this guy .
he 's more senile than reagan on pot .
then there 's a cocky pilot ( will smith ) who is the only person to survive the counter - attack on the second day and becomes moses in leading his children to the elusive area 51 ( the film 's only sign of being brave ) .
his girlfriend 's a stripper sharing a subplot with " striptease " in that she has to do it for her son .
come on , she has a fighter pilot boyfriend / soon - to - be fiance .
i think she can quit that job and get a more respectable job at long john silvers .
she 's also the few , the proud , the lucky to survive the igniting of l . a .
( as well as her dog , who narrowly survives ) .
there are some bright spots .
they tossed in enough old film homages to keep me laughing .
the best one is when jeff goldblum ( nicely named david ) turns on his computer and a picture of hal comes up and says , " good morning , dave .
"
and they even played r .
e . m .
's
" it 's the end of the world as we know it ( and i feel fine ) at the beginning .
and judd hirsch steals the film by actually acting great ( he 's a stereotype ,
but i just loved the man anyway ) .
but there are no real subtle comic moments .
will gets way too many one - liners and he has no one to play off of
( execept jeff towards the end , and the two do great ) .
as i said , this film has no balls .
it is just aiming for a crowd pleaser
and that 's what it is .
but after a couple months , we all move on to the next " event " film while intaking little films and a couple indy ones for good measure .
but at least the indy ones last for a lifetime .
this one 's short on batteries .

SOLUTION: N

PROBLEM: i have a great idea for a movie , one that ca n't miss .
see , i 've got coolio to do a song for the soundtrack , and about fifty athletes and celebrities to do cameo appearances .
it 's about professional basketball , so i 'll release it right around the nba finals to guarantee added publicity .
as for what the movie is actually about . . .
well , that will all sort itself out eventually .
i figure it will be a comedy , so i 'll throw a half - dozen writers at it and take the best of whatever they come up with .
maybe we 'll put a gender spin on it , see if we can get some women out to see it , too .
eddie is one of those phenomenally lazy films that infuriates me more than any other kind .
twister , as inane as the script might have been , at least required some creative technicians ; mission : impossible , overwrought plot and all , at least involved genuine effort .
eddie just sits there , hawking up a formula story without any laughs , and makes every possible bad decision when a decision is required .
whoopi goldberg plays eddie franklin , a new york limo driver and die - hard knicks fan who is suffering through a dismal season for her beloved team .
coach john bailey ( dennis farina ) has lost control of his overpaid prima donnas , and the losses are beginning to mount .
the dwindling attendance inspires new team owner wild bill burgess ( frank langella ) to try a publicity stunt in which a lucky fan will get to be an honorary coach of the team .
the winner ( surprise , surprise ) is eddie , who becomes a fan favorite , and eventually the actual coach .
the knicks continue to lose , but eddie has some sassy tricks up her sleeve to inspire her troops .
incidentally , the knicks eventually start winning .
please raise your hand if that comes as a shock , and i will invite you to my all - night marathon of the bad news bears , major league , angels in the outfield , the mighty ducks , the big green , cool runnings and little giants .
awful teams in sports comedies make miraculous turnarounds ; it 's what they do .
those teams usually involve kids , for a very sound comedic reason : it 's funnier when they screw up , and they 're more sympathetic .
those which _ do n't _ involve kids usually have actual actors in the lead roles , for another very sound comedic reason : they generally have developed some sort of comic timing .
eddie was cast under the misguided premise that it 's easier to make basketball players look like actors than it is to make actors look like basketball players .
this finds nba players like greg ostertag , dwayne schintzius , rick fox and malik sealy delivering punch lines as though they were reading them for the first time off a bazooka wrapper
( though sacramento kings center olden polynice has a nice moment describing a black hole to fellow players ) .
perhaps that all did n't matter to anyone because there are so few punch lines , and because the whole film is one big casting gimmick .
steve rash directs
the spiritless script as though waving a flag of surrender and screaming , " do n't blame me , i just work here .
"
perhaps it was patently obvious to him that eddie is n't a movie -- it 's a cameo appearance that trips over a plot every once in a while .
among the notables who lend their faces to this travesty are donald trump , new york mayor rudolph giulianni , former new york mayor ed koch , david letterman , letterman regulars mujibur rahman and sirajul islam , espn broadcaster chris berman and knicks announcer marv albert , as well as dozens of nba players and several nba arenas .
and those are the real jokes in eddie .
nothing these individuals say or do is funny ; you are supposed to be laughing simply because you notice , " hey , it 's donald trump ! " or " hey , it 's mujibur and sirajul !
"
it 's difficult to decide whether eddie is so bad because it was so shamelessly lacking in imagination or because it ca n't even get the cliches in a cliche - ridden genre script right .
the knicks coach who is eddie 's antagonist early in the film reappears at the end , but he is n't given a chance to be the villain eddie desperately needs .
neither is frank langella , and none of the athlete - actors have the ability to give whoopi goldberg anything to play off of .
that leaves her to do her street - wise miss thang routine , but with no character , no sharp lines and no help .
eddie is n't just a bad movie with a formulaic premise .
it 's a movie that makes you feel cheated and offended , because someone came up with a poster and a marketing plan to which they had to attach an actual movie , and you had the nerve to believe it was going to be a comedy .

SOLUTION: N

PROBLEM: america has finally gotten what it 's needed for years : a compassionate sincere president with impressive ethics and charisma .
regretfully it 's only a movie .
president james marshall ( harrison ford ) is fed up with terrorist activities .
teaming up with the russian government , he orders a strike force capture of alexander radek , a reactionary general ready to re - unite the soviet union under his fascist reign .
during a celebration dinner , marshall announces to the world that he will send troops to fight oppression wherever it exists .
"
it 's your turn to be afraid , " he declares .
returning home on air force one , he gets the chance to demonstrate his words personally .
ultra - nationalist militants loyal to radek and lead by ivan korshunov ( gary oldman ) hijack the plane threatening to kill a hostage every half hour until the general is released .
marshall has a chance to escape in a jettisoned capsule ( which clinton says does n't exist in real life ) but refuses , preferring to stay and fight .
director wolfgang peterson ( " das boot " , " in the line of fire " , " outbreak " takes the over - used " die hard " theme and
gives us something new in a film that combines brilliant acting with hold - your - breath intensity .
if you can take your eyes off the screen , steal a look at the audience .
everyone is totally engrossed .
the two actors do what they do best and they are probably the best there are at it
.
oldman has become typecast as a psychotic sadist and no wonder --
he does it so well .
when he engages the teenage first daughter in sensitive conversation about his family and the next minute threatens to blow a hole in her forehead , you know that he 's over the edge in the manner that people with a cause can become .
you are convinced that young alice could end up terminated at any time .
when korshonov executes passengers , there is a frightening reality to it .
the guns in this film are deadly weapons , not cartoons .
harrison ford has done one role for several years .
his mastery of the man in the suit propelled into desperate action is in top form here .
marshall is a medal of honor recipient who now has a desk job .
realistically , he 's a man afraid , but not afraid to act .
ford is one of the few actors that could make us believe that the president of the united states could be an action hero .
indiana jones in the oval office .
he and oldman 's archetypes match up perfectly .
the other roles also go to accomplished actors .
glenn close as the determined but unsure vice - president is the picture of an executive forced into a position that she 's not quite ready for .
dean stockwell as defense secretary eager for the authority ( " i 'm in charge here ! " ) is her political nemesis and turns in a good alexander haig performance .
of course the politics are all wrong .
a cowboy president ( even down to his name ) with big guns shoots his way through problems .
much like the american collective memory of jfk 's camelot ,
the image is wondrous if you do n't look too deep .
the pulls on the patriotic heartstrings would be too much in any other film , but they work here .
no matter what political spin you put on the story , the movie is an outstanding one .
i left the theater feeling that there is hope for the country 's future : not a common belief nowadays .
now if we only can get ford to run for president .
just because one actor did n't work out as chief executive does n't mean that a different one could n't .
( michael redman has lost count of how many years he 's been writing this column -- 21 years . . .
22 years -- while watching the sunflowers outside his window swaying in the cool breezes . )

SOLUTION:
P