Summarize the following:
Self-compassion is the extension of acceptance and empathy to yourself. Self-compassion is crucial to your ability to love others and accept their love. According to researchers, self-compassion involves three elements: Self-kindness. We're sometimes taught that being accepting and understanding toward ourselves is selfish or narcissistic, but think about it: if a friend made a mistake, would you constantly remind them of how horrible they are, or would you try to be understanding of their error? Extend yourself the same kindness you would to others. Common humanity. It can be easy to believe you're the only one capable of imperfections and guilt, but making errors and experiencing pain are part of what makes us human. Understanding that you're not the only person to make mistakes or feel hurt can help you feel more connected to those around you. Mindfulness. Mindfulness has a lot in common with meditation: it's the idea of recognizing and accepting an experience, without judgment, as you experience it. For example, if you frequently have the thought, "I'm so unattractive, nobody will love me," a mindfulness approach might be something like, "I'm experiencing the feeling that I'm unattractive. This is just one of many feelings that I will have today." Recognizing when you are having negative thoughts will help you move your thoughts elsewhere. We are often taught that accepting ourselves is self-indulgent or egocentric, or -- worse yet -- lazy. Instead, we are told that perfectionism and self-criticism are healthy and productive. In fact, they're not; they are usually based in fear. Self-pity is different from self-compassion. Self-pity is the feeling of "poor me" that you may experience when things don't go your way; for example, "My colleague got more of the credit for our project than I did. Nothing ever works out for me." Self-pity focuses only on your problems and often creates feelings of inadequacy. A self-compassionate thought might be, "My colleague and I worked hard on that project, and I feel that I did a good job. I can't control how others respond to our work." Self-compassion isn't laziness. Accepting yourself doesn't mean that you don't want to improve yourself. It just means that you won't be cruel to yourself when you make mistakes. Practicing expressing love for yourself also helps you express it to others. Beating yourself up is not the same as accepting responsibility for your mistakes. A self-compassionate person can still own up to mistakes they make without feeling that he or she is a terrible person. Research has shown that self-compassionate people are actually more likely to attempt self-improvement. While these two sound similar, they have some crucial differences. Self-esteem is what you think and how you feel about yourself, and it's important to being a healthy, happy person. However, it tends to be motivated by external validation: for example, you may feel attractive because someone compliments your looks. Self-compassion is about accepting yourself, flaws and all, and treating yourself with kindness and understanding. Psychology research has shown that self-esteem is not a reliable indicator of success or even capability. Sometimes, it's the most confident people who know the least about a situation. Shame is the source of a lot of pain, and we're very good at producing it. Shame is the profound, enduring belief that somehow, we aren't worthy: of love, of time, of attention. However, shame is often not related to anything that is actually wrong with ourselves or our actions; it's an internal judgment. Try to be aware of your thoughts and feelings about yourself. Sometimes shame manifests itself as feeling that you don't deserve love. Sometimes it presents itself as a fear that if we reveal our true selves, the other person will leave us. These feelings are common, but they are also very damaging. Try affirming to yourself that you do deserve love. This doesn't come naturally to most people, because we're often trained to see criticizing ourselves as something positive (for example, it drives one to work harder, improve oneself, etc.). However, there are steps you can take to work on improving your ability to accept yourself. Point out your strengths to yourself. We're used to making lists of failures, and humans tend to remember negative events and emotions more clearly than positive ones. Take some time each day to write down something positive about yourself. It doesn't matter so much if you believe it at first. Make a habit of thinking about yourself in positive terms, and you'll probably become less resistant to believing them. Depersonalize your failures. It can be easy to think "I'm a failure" if you haven't succeeded at something, but that kind of totalizing thinking devalues you and promotes feelings of shame. Instead, try thinking something like, "I didn't succeed at _____, but I did the best I could." Remind yourself that you're human. Perfectionism can have devastating consequences on the way we view ourselves. Try looking at yourself in the mirror and telling yourself: "I am a human being. Human beings are not perfect, and neither am I. That is okay." Sometimes, you will do something that you didn't want to do. Perhaps you scored badly on a test, or hurt a friend's feelings, or lost your temper with your boss. However, dwelling on those negative occurrences and shaming yourself about them keeps you from viewing them as learning experiences. Instead, accept that whatever happened happened, apologize for it if you can, and come up with a plan of what you will do differently in the future. Accepting your mistakes doesn't mean pretending they didn't happen. It doesn't even mean not feeling bad that they happened. Taking responsibility for your actions acknowledges the mistakes, but focusing on what you can learn from them and how you can avoid them in the future transforms guilt into growth.
Understand self-compassion. Understand some myths about self-compassion. Understand the difference between self-compassion and self-esteem. Reject shame. Practice self-acceptance. Understand that vulnerability, weakness, and mistakes are part of the human experience.