Summarize the following:
The worst thing you can do during an argument is to use hostile remarks. These are remarks that are intended to make your partner feel embarrassed, saddened, or humiliated. During an argument, you may make these types of remarks without even realizing that they are hostile and damaging to your relationship. There are six common types of hostile remarks: character assassinations, threats of abandonment, threats of exile, invalidations, challenges, and preaching. Each weakens your partner's sense of self-esteem in its own way. Talk to your spouse about these common hostile remarks and ask them to help police your speech so you can avoid saying these things. Let your spouse know that you can do the same for them. Character assassinations are a type of hostile remark that involve making sweeping declarations about your spouse, usually that your spouse is irreparably bad or flawed. This may include name calling or labels such as "loser." It may even be a simple character evaluation, such as, "You're too much work and you're not worth it." Character assassinations don't have to be giant, degrading slurs. Often times minor character assassinations go unnoticed or uncontested, quietly causing emotional damage. Any time you make empty threats to leave or imply that you no longer have feelings for someone, you're making a threat of abandonment. This type of hostile remark makes your partner feel worthless. You may not intend to harm your spouse's sense of self-worth, especially if you say something in the heat of an argument, but it can have a lasting impact on your relationship. Examples of threats of abandonment include "I'm sick of you" and "You're more trouble than you're worth. I'm over it." A threat of exile is when you threaten to kick your spouse out of your life. This may be an offhand hostile remark, like saying, "I don't need you in my life anymore." It can also be a direct challenge, like saying, "Get back together with your ex - you don't deserve someone like me." Threats of exile weaken the stability of your relationship by conveying, whether truthfully or as an empty threat, that you don't value or care about your spouse. Every time you say something to make your spouse feel dumb, out of touch, or not worth listening to, you are invalidating them. This may be a harsh insult, like saying, "You're stupid," or it may degrade the other person, like if you say, "You don't know what you're talking about - you're not worth listening to." Challenges involve asking questions or making accusations that take away your spouse's right to their feelings. Some common challenges that are posed in hostile interactions include, "How can you believe that?" or "That's the dumbest idea I've ever heard." Preaching involves making your spouse feel like a child by reprimanding them or citing some unseen authority on the subject. For example, saying something like, "You're being whiny and immature" or "No decent person would ever say/do what you said/did" would be preaching. The unspoken assumption involved in preaching is that your spouse is always wrong and you are always right. Whether you realize it or not, this is the message you are sending.

Summary:
Identify hostile remarks. Resist character assassinations. Avoid threats of abandonment. Refrain from threats of exile. Recognize invalidations. Abstain from making challenges. Avoid preaching.