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Invite your child's potential father to sit with you in a neutral place, such as a restaurant or park. Tell them that you would like to have a paternity test and explain the reasons why you think they may be the father. Avoid using language that is insulting or offensive, which may make it more difficult to get a blood, hair, or other DNA sample. For example, "Hi Sam, I know things haven't been easy with us, but could you please meet me at our local coffee shop for a few minutes. I know we slipped up and had sex and I'm wondering if you might be the baby's father instead of Chris. I just want to talk to you about the possibility of getting a DNA sample from you to confirm whose baby I'm having. I understand that this may be difficult for you. Please take any time you need to make your decision on the meeting." If you're going through paternity testing, set aside some time to talk to your child if they are older than 4 or 5. Let them know that they'll be getting a test to figure out some stuff about their health. Make sure to keep the language commensurate with the child's age and use words that won't scare them. This may make it easier to get the sample from your child and discuss who their father is with them following the test. For example, "Ari we're going to go to the doctor today and have a test. You don't have to worry, it won't hurt and will take one second. The test is just going to give us information about your daddy and your health that we can use to keep you healthy and happy in the future." Figuring out if he's the father of your child is probably stressful for you. Talk to your close friends and family members about your feelings on the situation. Ask for suggestions about how best to handle situations you may confront as you tell if he's the father. Let them help you out as much as they can, such as watching your child while you meet with him. As a part of your testing, or even if you're considering it, meet with a professional counselor regularly. Discuss your feelings and concerns with the testing and the implications of determining who the father of your child is. Having a neutral and outside opinion can help you better deal with the emotional aspects of telling if the child is really his.
Ask the potential father for a sample. Talk to your child about the paternity test. Welcome support from friends and family. Seek professional counseling.