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The UN states that disabled children have a right to preservation of identity, i.e., to be themselves even if it means looking autistic. Research has shown that autistic people who attempt to "camouflage" their autism are at significantly higher risk of suicide. A good therapist will value the person's individuality and mental health by allowing and encouraging them to be different. They should not try to remove autistic behaviors or characteristics like... Most stimming (You may hear phrases such as "quiet hands" and "table ready" to indicate suppression of stims.) Toe-walking Avoidance of eye contact Introversion or a desire for a quiet social life Other quirks (Fitting in should be a personal choice, not forced by others.) Some therapists train autistic people to show facial expressions or body language that suggest happiness, regardless of their actual feelings. All people need to be able to express their feelings. No one should be pushed to smile or act happy if they do not feel happy. Dog trainers consider dogs that have been trained not to growl or show aggression as "time bomb dogs" that are likely to attack seemingly "out of nowhere." This is because stopping a dog from acting out will not stop the fear and anxiety that caused the dog to act this way. Similarly, training a child to bottle up their distress is likely to turn them into a "time bomb" of anxiety and aggression. It may make their meltdowns more intense and unpredictable. Children should not be treated worse than dogs. Hugs and kisses should not be trained or pressured, even if it means hurting feelings. The right to set boundaries is important in arming your loved one against sexual and emotional abuse. A bad therapist may try in vain to make your loved one not be autistic; a good one will seek to work with them so they can grow into a happy and capable autistic adult. Therapists should focus on helping the person become a happy autistic person, not a non-autistic one. Good therapy goals might include... Building emotion regulation skills Finding comfortable and non-harmful stims, instead of extinguishing all stimming Finding ways to accommodate and alleviate sensory issues Gaining social skills in a friendly environment; these include assertiveness as well as making friends Discussing and working on your loved one's own personal goals Communication should be considered more important than verbal speech (including both behavior and AAC). Beginning vocabulary should focus on basic needs instead of parents' feelings. Words such as "yes," "no," "stop," "hungry," and "hurt" are more necessary than "I love you" or "Mommy." Behavior should be respected, even as someone is learning to communicate via AAC or speech.
Ask yourself whether the goals involve accommodation or assimilation. Consider if the therapist controls your loved one's affect. Consider whether the therapist is fighting or accommodating the autistic person's brain. Evaluate whether learning communication is treated as an essential skill, or a performance to please adults.