TASK DEFINITION: You are given a review about a place. You need to provide a rating from "1 star" to "5 stars" for this place.
PROBLEM: Is it weird that Firkin has an urban dictionary definition? Did I ever tell you that I thought I came up with the word Fathlete only to have my hopes and dreams crushed by urban dictionary? Another story for another day...on to Firkin on Paradise.

I've been here a few times for co-workers going away parties. So I'd say the majority of my experiences here have been for beer n' app's. Not too shabby, they do make a pretty mean onion raaang. So when I saw that they were doing a Groupon I jumped at the opportunity.

On a quiet, no plans, just back from vacation, not really feel like hanging out with anyone kind of night my wife and I decided to redeem the Groupon and grab some grub here. We were pleasantly surprised when we walked in and UFC was playing on every TV and blasting over the sound system. It was kind of weird that this was a Saturday night and outside the bar they weren't advertising that they were showing the fight and they had food specials listed Mon-Fri, but nothing on this Saturday night. Huh?

So I went with the chicken strips, which sounded like they were made in similar fashion as the fish n' chips. Whoa, these were world class bad strips. Over cooked, stringy, and a batter that just tasted poor. The waitress was fantastic and took these back and offered to bring me something else. I went with a plain ol' cheeseburger, which was real good. Nothing special, just a good bar burger. My wife went with the parmesan grilled cheese. Here's the problem, they ran out of parmesan bread, so it was a plain grilled cheese. The part I don't understand is that when you run out of an item, why do you just assume that somone won't know that the item isn't as described and serve it anyways? Como que what? It was a decent grilled cheese, every 6yo in the world would have been satisfied. The bread pudding was very good and I would recommend that.

So overall it was a pretty poor dining experience. I would still come here if someone was having a party of sorts, the beer is great, but I wouldn't go out of my way to break bread in this establishment.

Schmeh...

SOLUTION: 2 stars

PROBLEM: This place is just totally wonderful! I was given a complimentary upgrade to a HUGE suite, that was totally clean, and comfortable! I laid down on the bed, and the next thing I knew I was waking up fully rested! Upon arrival...I was greeted by the staff as if I had known them all my life, and was a family member being welcomed home! Great smiles from everyone, and every response was fantastic ...warm, and positive!
I believe every hotel staff in the world needs to experienced a stay at this hotel, to learn how it's done! The van staff are wonderful, and ask you do you want to go out to eat, and couldn't be more accommodating! Whenever I need to return to Epic, the first thing I will do, is to find out what days this hotel is available, and then make my reservations to revolve around those dates! I have traveled for many years, in the states and out of the country, and this place bests everywhere I have ever been!

SOLUTION: 5 stars

PROBLEM: If you don't mind absolute top dollar then this is your company. Guy the repair man has been out a few times and he recently charged me $150+ for a condenser fan that is listed for sale online for $39.50. When I showed him the price online he said he suggested I call Sub Zero and was very inflexible! You add labor and trip charge and I feel like I have an attorney in the house. I won't use this company again.

SOLUTION:
2 stars