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Though you may be incredibly excited that you and your ex are trying to make things work again, you have to remember to let things move at a natural pace. If you try to pick up the relationship exactly where you left off, then you may be rushing things too much. Instead, act like you're just dating each other for the first time, and take the time to get to know and care about each other. Don't do anything too intense at first. You don't need your boyfriend to hang out with all of your friends, spend time with your family, or go away on a weekend trip with you. Focus on building a strong foundation for your relationship first. Make sure you both maintain your independence. Continue to hang out with your girlfriends and to pursue your interests; don't try to hang out with your boyfriend 24/7. Don't be too quick to share your intense feelings for your boyfriend. You don't want to overwhelm him or make him feel like things are moving too fast. No relationship can survive without healthy communication. Whether poor communication was the main reason you and your boyfriend broke up the first time, or just a side effect of a larger problem, you should make a point of having strong communication this time around so that you and your boyfriend always feel like you're on the same page. Here are some guidelines for how to make sure your communication is strong: If something is bothering you, make sure you address it instead of being passive aggressive Learn to read your boyfriend's facial expressions and body language to find out whether something is wrong Practice listening to your boyfriend instead of interrupting him or waiting for your turn to speak Make sure you both know how to compromise instead of each of you just trying to get your way all the time Choose your words carefully so you don't end up hurting your boyfriend when you just wanted to bring up something that has been bothering you Before you can really move forward to enjoy your relationship redux with your boyfriend again, you have to make sure to put the past behind you and that you have both learned from it. You can't just ignore whatever it was that tore you apart the first time and you have to really make a point of working through your problems in order to come out stronger on the other side; this is the only way to really get your ex back and to make sure you're on your way to having a healthy and mature relationship this time around. Have a frank and open discussion about what made your relationship end the first time. Be open to answering any questions from your boyfriend and make sure to be honest. If you're still not completely sure about what went wrong, you should feel comfortable asking your boyfriend to talk about it. You don't want to go into the relationship without knowing exactly where you stand. If you broke up because of your boyfriend's personal issues, make sure he has a plan for addressing them. Though both people have to change a bit to make an unsuccessful relationship work the second time around, you have to make sure that you stay true to who you are and that you don't turn into a different person just to get your ex to like you again. At the end of the day, you want him to like you for you, not for some perfect version of yourself that you think will appeal more to your boyfriend. Make sure to still be yourself while working on addressing the issues that kept your relationship from succeeding the first time around. If you feel like you're not acting like yourself or even looking like yourself just to please your boyfriend, then you have a real problem on your hands. If you're not sure about whether or not you're being true to yourself, then you should ask one of your friends who has seen the two of you together. Your friend may be able to tell even better than you do whether or not you're really acting like yourself in your relationship. If you want your relationship to really work this time, then you can't spend all of your time and energy living in the past. Sure, you might have both made mistakes and hurt each other, but if you keep reliving those things or bringing them up in arguments, then you won't be able to move past them. On the other hand, if you're focused too much on the future or worry about how long your relationship will last, then you won't be able to enjoy the present moment together, either. Focus on getting a fresh start. Put as much of the past behind you as you can and work on building a strong relationship in the now. Of course, if something really serious happened in your past together, then you don't have to be in denial and pretend that it didn't happen at all. You can address it when it's necessary, but you can't fixate on it. If you bring up the future too many times with your boyfriend, then he may get anxious or feel suffocated and may get the impression that you're not happy with your relationship as it currently stands. If you want your relationship to be strong this time around, then you have to remember whatever it was that made you drift apart the first time without obsessing over it. You can't address the same situations in the same ways, or you'll just fall back into fighting, not really getting each other, or feeling like you just can't make things work no matter what you do. If your issue was not spending enough time together, for example, then make sure you don't book up your social calendar and leave out your boyfriend this time around; if your issue was snapping at each other in public, make sure you both work on making each other feel better, not worse about yourselves when you're out together. Though you don't want to bring up the past all the time, you should both be on the same page about how to move forward and to avoid whatever it was that caused you to drift apart the first time around. You should be comfortable with checking each other and saying, "Hey, remember how much trouble we had with this the first time around? Let's find a way to move past it" Of course, nobody's perfect, and it's natural that you both may fall into old habits. If that does happen, though, then you should make sure you apologize and show that you really mean it. Though many failed relationships are worth saving, if you won your ex over again and find that things are not changing for the better, then you have to ask yourself whether or not it's worth it to try to revive your old relationship. If you feel like you've put in all of the effort you have and either your boyfriend isn't putting in the work or you're just not compatible, then it may be better if you part ways instead of trying to beat a dead horse. Be honest with yourself. Do you feel like you've given it your all and it still isn't working? If that's the case, then you should be proud of yourself for making an effort and get ready to move on. Even if your relationship ends, don't look at it as a waste of time or emotional effort. Every relationship helps you learn how to communicate with others and how to deal with problems, and no matter what happens, you'll have more strength and knowledge going into your next relationship.
Start slow. Have an open flow of communication this time. Deal with your unresolved issues. Make sure to still be yourself. Live in the present. Don't make the same mistakes. Know when it's just not working.