These crooks deleted my last review, so here we go again. Next time I'll setup a website dedicated to this scam. When my kids are teasing each other and their friends "would you rather kiss a pig or eat at Joel Robuchon" even zero stars would be too many. I'm not sure how anyone in their right mind would give this place 5 stars unless they just want to pretend that they went to an awesome place that no mere mortal will afford and can't discover the truth. We didn't mind paying just to see the place and experience supposedly the best food by the chef of the century, but the whole deal was a 4-hour ceremony during which a few classy butlers pretend to give you something to eat while you're supposed to pretend that it's good. Literally each and every course was the size of a scallop with one of the courses actually being exactly one scallop and another one a mashroom. If brought together at once the total size of the 16-course meal would be smaller than a kids meal at any other restaurant. Adding to the insult was that most of these items were inedible, we came home hungry and just warmed up whatever we found in our fridge. Let's start with the look: the place looks simply tacky with its classical decor mismatched to the partially modern ceiling, the oversized chandelier overpowering the small room, the purple sofas that seem to be bought from Hugh Heffner, and cheap looking fake plastic diamonds sprinkled on the dining tables. But that's forgivable given that we came here to eat, not to admire the settings. We decided on two of the 16-course $385 meals which was recommended by so many other reviewers, assuming that our two kids will also taste some dishes. First, the butler brings a large block of butter and shaves a few pieces onto a plate while explaining that the butter is from Great Britain. Then he brings a large cart with selection of 16 different breads, which look and smell great but you can't really eat them because they ask you to select a few kinds and when you point to the 3 or 4 that look most interesting they drop one small slice of each on your table and quickly haul the cart away. You won't see it again. You then spread the English butter onto the bread to find out that the butter tastes just like any butter, whether from Guatemalan or a local cow. The bread itself was quite good and possibly one of the best items of the evening, however, you can go down to the M Resort buffet and get as much of the similar and better breads as you want and keep coming back for more. Here with the bread we also got a small portion of caviar on top of rolled crab meat. The caviar must've been the most expensive tasteless item we had there, but the canned crab meat was decent. The next couple courses included another outrageously expensive and highly sought item: shaved truffles. We were trying to discover what's so distinct about them but the only thing we discovered was taste of a shaved tree bark, actually looking just like that as well. Of course we have never tasted a tree bark before but we could imagine that it'd taste just like these truffles. The rest of the weird dishes included a tiny frog leg, a scallop, and other Lilliput size items, the worse being bacon foam that tasted just like warm whipped fat from the bacon - something so awful it should've been offered in a food eating competition on CBS Survivor. After spending 3.5 hours at this torturous ceremony we finally arrived at the end of the tunnel as the butler brought a desert cart filled with variety of chocolates and cake pieces. Although each one was the size of 5 stacked up pennies we already figured out the game and asked for a sample of each. The butler looked at us and said "all 40 of them"? We all replied "Yes!" and finally started enjoying ourselves by swallowing each piece while the butler was placing it on the table. Not by any means does this mean that we got what we paid for but at least we had 5 minutes of enjoyment and wished the whole experience was like that. This was also the first time I saw smiles on my kids' faces (aged 8 and 12). We were prepared to spend around $1000 and the bill was little below $900, so no problem there. Although the fact that our kids were charged $7 for each of the Sprite refills ($28 for four) should be noted. Finally, we were given a bag with small box of dessert pieces and two beautiful certificates of attendance with our names on them and the list of all 16 courses we were supposed to enjoy. We were also given a nice color brochure with pictures of each those items. All this looks pretty, but at the same time embarrassing - like being given a certificate of investing with Madoff. You could show it off only until everyone else figures out that Madoff was a crook. In the end we will remember this place as one of the worst experiences of our lives and we would not go there again even if the food was free. Giving one star to this place is way too generous, while two stars would be just insane.
How would this review be described in terms of sentiment?
negative