TASK DEFINITION: In this task, you must classify if a given review is positive/negative, indicating your answer as P or N.
PROBLEM: " holy man " boasts a sweet , gentle , comic performance from an unusually subdued eddie murphy and a few moderately funny skits .
unfortunately , to get to the good stuff you have to sit through a painfully long set - up , loads of tedious filler , interminable shots of jeff goldblum stammering and twitching ,
a superfluous romantic subplot and quite possibly the most annoying performance of robert loggia 's career .
if ever a movie screamed " wait for video so you can fast - forward through all the dull and annoying parts
, " this is it .
eddie murphy plays g , a robed nomadic pilgrim wandering the land enjoying the moment and spreading his spiritual message .
a chance meeting with ricky hayman ( goldblum ) ,
a stressed - out executive of a home - shopping channel , and kate newell ( kelly preston ) , a no - nonsense media analyst , results in physical injury to g . quicker than you can say " the odd couple ,
" g ends up rooming with an extremely leery ricky .
after some script gymnastics , g appears live on the air at the good buy shopping network , wreaking havoc on the cheesy product demonstrations , enraging network owner mr .
mcbainbridge ( loggia ) , and becoming a national media sensation .
" holy man " attempts to be several things at once .
it tries to satirize home shopping networks , but it 's difficult to effectively make fun of something that is already a self - parody .
the film attempts to teach us that collecting material possessions is merely a futile attempt to fill the spiritual holes in our hearts , but that 's common knowledge already .
" holy man " also tries to present a story of redemption , as ricky hayman tries to decide whether to exploit g 's good will to achieve financial security or do the right thing at the expense of his career .
anyone want to place a wager on his final decision ?
the one genuine asset in " holy man " is eddie murphy , who gives a charming performance , sharing love , good will and relevant advice to all those around him , while beaming his million dollar smile at just the right moments .
murphy is delightful and the film takes off whenever he 's onscreen .
unfortunately , he 's not onscreen enough .
jeff goldblum gets the lion 's share of screen time and his tired storyline weighs the proceedings down .
as his potential love interest , kelly preston tries to brighten things up , but she transforms from an all - business media shark to an empathic softy far too quickly and the abrupt change reeks of contrivance .
the other principal actor , robert loggia , wastes his talents in a one - note turn as a ruthless , screaming monster .
structurally unsound and way too long
, " holy man " is appealing when murphy is onscreen and dull
when he is n't . instead of dropping your money at the theater for this trifle , wait until it hits video and fast - forward past everything except the murphy scenes .
g suggests that we focus on enjoying the moment and that 's the best way to do so .

SOLUTION: N

PROBLEM: available for rental - october 12 , 1999 10 things i hate about you is an update of the classic play , the taming of the shrew .
that said , drop any pre - conceived notions of what shakespeare 's work is supposed to be like and welcome yourself to padua high school , home of a student counselor ( allison janney ) who obsesses over the male penis ; a slightly too hip and racist african - american english teacher ( daryl mitchell ) ;
a new kid named cameron ( joseph gordon - levitt ) ; a model named joey ( andrew keegan ) , the subject of cameron and joey 's crushes ; bianca ( larisa oleynik ) ; and bianca 's sister - the shrew ( julia stiles in a marvelous performance ) - whose name is katarina , kat for short .
with movies about high schools similar to these running through projectors like water down the nile , it would be quite easy to write off 10 things i hate about you as just another doltish comedic - romance .
yet , you must realize that the story is timeless , and a few hundred years later it is equally as witty and comical
as when elizabeth gleefully looked on , groundlings below and stuffed brassieres on stage .
the first reminder of the original scribe can be found in katarina and bianca 's last name : stratford .
their family is run by walter stratford ( pretty woman 's larry miller ) , a doctor who is all too familiar with teenage pregnancy and guards his children accordingly .
in what he thinks to be a moment of ironic humor , the family " no dating " policy is amended to " bianca can date .
. .
when [ katarina ] does .
" with prom just ahead , bianca 's fate is grim ; unless , of course , she can tame the shrew .
do n't think this mission to be a simple one , as bianca kindly points out , her sister " .
.
. is a particularly hideous breed of loser .
" getting katarina to date is complex and oftentimes confusing .
when cameron , who likes bianca , learns of her father 's new rule , he is quick to consult a friend for advice .
the scheme they dream up is to fully exploit " someone with money .
" in this case , that is joey - the other guy with a crush on bianca .
cameron 's friend , a loser by teenage verdict , convinces joey to pay someone who has enough guts to take the shrew out .
the solution lies no farther away than the second blatant reminder of the master scribe : patrick verona ( heath ledger ) .
this verona is far from fair ; rumor has it that he previously laid his scene in prison .
moreover , katarina openly opined to the aforementioned english teacher that " hemingway was an alcoholic who hung around picasso , hoping to nail his leftovers .
"
the laws of high school cinema inexorably turn patrick and katarina into romeo and juliet .
providing a constant reminder of the fact that this is n't exactly what shakespeare had in mind are the elements obligatory to a high school comedy :
a party polluted with liquor , a best friend 's betrayal , and prom .
it is the latter that has become infamous for closing films like drive me crazy , american pie , never been kissed , carrie , she 's all that , and ca n't hardly wait .
yet surely even these practices have roots in shakespeare ; falstaff was a drunk , romeo and juliet met at a party , and caesar learned about loyalty the hard way .

SOLUTION: P

PROBLEM: i went to blair witch project 2 : book of shadows with the highest of hopes .
the original film , released last summer , was genuinely scary and terrifying ; i hoped that this movie would live up to its predecessor .
unfortunately , my hopes were soon dashed .
as the movie opens , the audience is shown pseudo - documentary clips of burkittsville , maryland residents being interviewed about the sudden tourist influx to their town as a result of the original blair witch project movie .
it 's a mostly humorous , self - aware poke at the media hype and hysteria surrounding the first film .
during this segment , we are introduced to the protagonist , a young man who sells blair witch - related memorabilia from his website .
the movie then cuts to a title that informs us
that what we are about to see occurred one year previously .
we see the same young man that was selling blair witch paraphernalia , but now he is confined in a mental institution the sort of which one only finds in bad horror movies .
we see him having some sort of disgusting white goo unconvincingly forced down his nose while a cigarette - smoking doctor luridly leers above him .
we see him throwing himself wildly around a padded room ; we see him cowering naked in a shower stall as a fire hose is turned on him .
no explanation is provided for why he is in the mental institution ; in fact , these scenes are barely referred to again .
i had a sinking feeling during these opening scenes ; generally , a hospital scene that is set with poor lighting , filthy interiors , and evil doctors is a sure sign that you are in the throes of a truly horrible movie .
the movie cuts again , this time to the present .
the young man , whose name is jeffrey ( played by jeffrey donovan -- as in the first movie , the character names are identical to the actors ' names , although this movie admits up front that it is fictional , so there 's no reason for the practice this time around ) , is rounding up a group of people that he will be leading into the woods that weekend for the " blair witch hunt , " which is a promotional gimmick he came up with and sells on his website .
we meet tristen and steven , a young couple who are writing a book about the blair witch experience .
steven is a skeptic , believing the whole thing to be the result of mass hysteria .
tristen , on the other hand , believes that there may be some truth to the rumors of supernatural occurrence .
she is wan and soft - spoken ; she complains that the radio is playing too loudly .
( she also complains that she feels nauseated ; i knew immediately that the character was pregnant , and my intuition was confirmed a few scenes later when kim psychomagically susses it out .
how did i know ?
because in bad movies , nauseated women are always pregnant . )
the fourth member of their party is erica , a wiccan with flowing hair and wide eyes who wants to prove that the blair witch was a good witch , not evil .
they pick up the fifth and final team member in a cemetery .
kim is dressed completely in black , has extreme goth - style makeup on , and occasionally displays seemingly psychic abilities , but otherwise seems to be the most intelligent and reasonable person out of the entire bunch .
presumably she wanted to be picked up in the cemetery just for dramatic effect ; it 's never explained .
the party of five heads off into the woods as promised .
they reach the crumbling ruins of the foundation of rustin parr 's house and set up camp , complete with extensive video equipment with which to record the night 's events .
there is a brief encounter with a rival blair witch tour group who had planned to camp at that site as well , but after a few words are exchanged , the rival group huffs off and makes camp elsewhere .
the movie veers off at this point to spend many long , long minutes showing the drinking party that ensues after the sun goes down .
sexual innuendoes are tossed around , much hard liquor , beer , and pot is consumed , and nothing much else happens .
this would be a great point to get up and go to the bathroom if necessary .
the next day , the team wakes up and discovers that their camera equipment has been completely trashed , and that steven and tristen 's manuscript paper is fluttering down from the sky in shreds , like snow .
the videotapes are missing , but thanks to a psychic intuition from kim , they discover the videotapes buried underneath the foundation of the house , " right where the original blair witch tapes were found !
"
ooh .
spooky .
the team goes back to jeffrey 's house -- a creepy old civil war - era warehouse in the heart of the woods -- to regroup and review the tapes .
they soon discover that the tapes mysteriously skip five hours of the night .
wacky hijinks ensue .
tristen starts having weird dreams in which she is the blair witch , everybody starts finding these weird rune - like burn marks on their bodies , steven and erica have some highly disturbing mutual hallucinations , and everything pretty much goes to hell in a handbasket .
throughout the entire ordeal , jeffrey and the others continue to scrutinize the videotapes , which seem to have some kind of weird images on them at about the point that the time jumps ; eventually tristen wanders in , mutters something about " reverse , " and from this they somehow realize that they have to play the tapes backwards .
when they do this , they discover what really happened during the five lost hours .
( one of the things they see on the videotape is footage of themselves burying the videotapes .
okay , if the videotapes were being buried , then how were they recording themselves . . .
oh , nevermind . )
this movie was awful .
simply awful .
the characters are broadly - drawn caricatures that are never allowed any depth or development .
erica is the nature - loving wiccan .
tristen is the weak and sympathetic woman .
steven is the overbearing asshole .
kim is the antisocial goth girl .
old , tired cliches were used to illustrate these caricatures .
how do we know tristen is weak and sympathetic ?
because she 's pregnant !
how do we know
kim is an antisocial goth girl ?
because she wears a lot of eye makeup !
how do we know the local sheriff is a bad guy ? because he has jagged teeth and talks
like he 's straight out of " deliverance " !
this is weak storytelling at its worst . rather than taking the time to flesh out the characters and make them truly sympathetic , the writer chose to give each one a few stereotypical characteristics , in an attempt to use some cinematic shorthand and thereby skip straight to the action .
it did n't work .
on top of being poorly developed , most of the characters were either seriously unlikable or patently stupid .
( " honey , you just had a miscarriage out in the woods and got medical attention at a hospital that looks like it belongs in a bad slasher movie .
let 's get on a plane home .
"
" no .
i am having these bizarre nightmares and seeing strange visions and i want to find out what 's going on . "
" ok . " ) frankly , by the end of the movie , i was rooting for the witch .
i also felt that there was simply too much blood ' n ' gore in this film .
the first movie worked by never showing us the horror .
the witch was a palpable presence in that movie , but we never saw it ; we never saw anything , in fact .
the horror was all off - screen , and thus our imaginations worked overtime to envision what it might possibly be .
this is the hallmark of a truly creepy and disturbing horror movie .
blair witch 2 dispensed with such niceties and went straight for the gross - out .
this was evident from the opening scenes of the mad doctors forcing white goo down jeffrey 's throat , and continued throughout the film as the audience is treated to occasional confusing and disorienting footage of what appears to be a ritual massacre of some sort .
knives plunge into flesh , bloody fingers trail off into the darkness , and none of it is explained until the very end , when it was too late for me to care .
this movie did n't stop with showing us the gore , either ; it went for broke and showed us everything .
by the end of the movie , there are no questions remaining about the missing five hours .
it is all explained ; in fact , it is all shown on - screen in loving detail .
i confess to being someone who prefers horror movies in which you never see the monster , or see only brief glimpses , mere suggestions of what the monster is ; it is not because i find the monster so terrifying , but
because i find the absence of the monster to be infinitely more terrifying .
i have seen interviews with the director in which he suggested that there is no " monster , " that all of the evil was perpetrated only by the human mind .
i found this to be a miserably poor explanation ; if it was in fact the director 's intent , then he needs to have some words with the writer , because it was not made clear at all .
( i know a lot of people who like to go to parties and get drunk and stoned out of their minds ; none of them has ever gone on a murderous rampage and then experienced mass hallucinations with a group of other people for the next week or so .
and if there was no witch , then what about the vanishing tree ?
the snowfall of manuscript paper ?
hm ? )
blair witch 2 : book of shadows was a horrible movie . from the poorly - written characters to the implausible story to the plot inconsistencies to the gross - out shots , it was a bad effort through and through .

SOLUTION:
N