Article: While there is no doubt that the best witty comebacks are original witty comebacks, you can get plenty of good ideas by studying some of history's most famous wits and witticisms. Spend some time amassing a collection of effective comebacks. Eventually, as your skills develop, you'll be better able to create comebacks "off the cuff." Have a look at the masters of quick-witted comebacks, such as Dorothy Parker, Winston Churchill, Mark Twain, Mae West, George Bernard Shaw, Groucho Marx, Oscar Wilde, Margaret Thatcher, and so forth. Read the witty exchanges between such people as Ernest Hemingway and William Faulkner, or George Bernard Shaw and Winston Churchill. Even the exchanges between Han and Leia in Star Wars will do it. Here is a handy example from one of the best sources, Groucho Marx: "I've had a great evening, but this wasn't it." There are countless witty comebacks available for the avid internet surfer. Indeed, there are websites dedicated specifically to comebacks, providing example after example (some good, some not so good). Keep a list of your favorites and learn them by heart. At the very least, they may come in handy when all other words fail you! Here are just a few: "Thank you for proving my point." "Light travels faster than sound; that's why you appeared bright until you spoke." Lean against something, close your eyes and wait a few seconds, then suddenly open your eyes and say "Oh! Sorry! Were you saying anything important just then? I must have dozed off". "You and I have so much in common at times, don't we?" Use this for an insult about your weight, appearance, intelligence, etc. "Pardon? Sorry I didn't quite catch that. Would you care to repeat it?" (An insult is never as effective the second time around.) "Takes one to know one." This one might seem "played out" by now, but it can still be used in a pinch when you're out of ideas. If someone is repeating the same insult over and over, use this: "Still clinging to the same idea? Try something more... original." Then do a little smile and walk away. A witticism that hits the mark in one situation can miss badly in another. Read and collect comebacks that are more potentially insulting or hurtful, but don't assume that they're right to use on just any person in any semi-relevant situation. For instance: "Next time you speak, use actual words" can be pretty innocuous in many situations, but may also be more hurtful to some people. A witty comeback should have some "bite," but it shouldn't leave a lasting mark. Or: "I won't waste my breath burning you; I might not even waste my breath if you were actually burning." This one might work with someone who knows you well, but could also get you in hot water. Even vague jokes about violence are not taken lightly by many. Sometimes there isn't even a need for a witty comeback. If a person persists in saying something ridiculous, insulting, thoughtless, or groundless, let them do all the talking and simply use a dismissive gesture to express your distaste or deflection. Other people will likely see that the person unable to control their temper, needling, or whining is not in need of a witty retort. Practice raising an eyebrow, smirking, rolling your eyes, or using some other gesture that displays a lack of being impressed. Yawn and look at your watch hungrily. Admittedly, this one's a bit on the childish side: repeat exactly what has been said, but in a funny voice. To avoid coming off like a cranky kindergartener, you might want to practice with a willing friend.
What is a summary of what this article is about?
Learn from the masters. Find witticisms online. Keep context in mind as you collect witty examples. Allow the other side's words and actions to speak for themselves.