You are given a review about a place. You need to provide a rating from "1 star" to "5 stars" for this place.

Input: Consider Input: Without a doubt one of the nicest places I have ever had the pleasure of laying my head...

...having wine and cheese...

....or breakfasting.

The Inn on Negley is gorgeously appointed. The individual rooms, all named for varieties of apple, are spectacular. We were in the lovely Northern Spy. The bed was wonderfully comfortable, the linens unbelievably soft and luxurious. L'Occitane bath products smelled divine. The Shadyside neighborhood outside of downtown is quiet but still conveniently located to all the Pittsburgh doings.

Breakfast each morning, cooked by the hospitable Chef Jackie, is pure pleasure. Each night on your pillow a menu card appears; check off what you'd like in the morning, what time you'll be eating, and drop it off in the dining room. The next day, Jackie is ready and waiting with a fresh fruit plate, the pastry of the day, and fantastically strong and flavorful coffee. Omelets and fritattas are made with local produce and eggs. Irish oatmeal is served with milk from a nearby creamery. Toast bread changes daily but is always whole-grain and delicious. Breakfast meats are lean and filling.

Afternoons, iced tea and cookies are set out, and in the evenings wine and cheese served. Enjoy them in a rocker on the front porch, relaxing on the back deck retreat, or in the privacy of your room.

Staff is not only eminently professional, but warm and gracious. Heidi at the front desk was beyond helpful in making suggestions for what to do in the city or where to eat (I will be forever indebted to her for recommending what was probably our best meal of the trip at Soba). If you ever find yourself in Pittsburgh, lodgings can't get much better than the Inn on Negley.

That's probably sufficient gushing.

Output: 5 stars

Input: Consider Input: Stopped in for a light meal with a co-worker...I ordered:

1. Winter squash soup - gave me a Thanksgiving boost, it was a pureed soup topped with a cranberry mixture. It was quite delicious.
2. Roasted beet salad - the beets were freshly roasted and perfectly seasoned, but the greens had too much dressing (I should have asked for it on the side), it came with a block of Humboldt Fog cheese on the side which didn't look very appetizing, so I ignored it completely.
3. French fries - thinly cut, crisp, sprinkled with chopped italian parsley. Yum!

Overall, the service was very good (we were seated immediately and had a very attentive waitress), the ambiance was so-so (too noisy, the casino reeks of smoke), but the food was solid. I'd definitely frequent this joint again if I were ever in the neighborhood...

Output: 3 stars

Input: Consider Input: Normally nature dictates that bulls mount heffers but come on down to Gilly's on Sunday nights for their bikini bull riding contest and you can lay witness to a cringeworthy role reversal. I don't know off-hand what the "winner" gets paid, but let's just say self-respect is going for pennies on the dollar.

This isn't to say you won't be entertained, especially if your daily vocabulary includes words like, "trainwreck" and "shitshow" or if you find it impossible not to stare when your visit to Baskin Robbins happens to coincide with a special ed group outing. Rather, this is to set the expectation that you won't see shapely bikini models flashing their lady bits as they gyrate their way into your spank bank. Instead, prepare to watch corn-fed big'uns getting tossed around like sacks of potatoes. If that's your thing, welcome to hog heaven.

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Cliff Notes Version: It must be jelly, 'cause jam don't shake like that.
Output: 3 stars