Article: Some family members may not even realize they're still treating you like a child. It's hard for older adults in your family to let go of the thought of you being "little girl" or "little boy," even if you're well into adulthood. Therefore, you need to broach the topic with them and help them understand what you're feeling. Start with your feelings. That is, use an "I" statement to describe how you're feeling instead of a "you" statement that puts the blame on them. Blaming someone will put them on the defense. For instance, don't say, " You always treat me like a little kid." Instead, say "I feel upset when you still treat me like a child. I've grown up." Be specific by talking about particular statements or behaviors that bother you. For example, you could say, "I love that you help with the kids, but I don't like when you contradict the rules that I've made." You could also say, "I respect your rules when I'm in your house, but I don't like being asked where I am every second of every day." Tell them what you expect. For instance, you could say, "I would really appreciate if you would respect the rules I've set for my kids." or "I would appreciate it if you would treat me like any other adult who stays in your home." If you're telling your mom a story, tell her what you expect from her upfront. For instance, if you're just telling her the story to give her information and you don't really want advice, let her know that. You could say, "Mom, I need to tell you something, but I want you to promise me that you won't offer your judgment at the end. I feel like you need to know this information, but I don't want advice on my choices." That is, often in communication, people are trying to maintain control. It's a power struggle. Often, this type of communication pops up between a parent and an adult child, or even another type of relationship, such as an aunt and niece or nephew. The "adult" still wants to control the adult child, even if that person doesn't realize it. If you're the adult child, you may want to struggle to "win" in this situation. However, often letting go of the power struggle can lead to a healthier relationship. This type of power struggle can make people defensive. You probably feel defensive when another adult in your family, whether it be a parent, aunt, guardian, or grandparent, does it to you. However, by truly listening and letting go of the power struggle, you can cut through some of that defensiveness and both parties can feel more heard and valued. Sometimes, parents and other family members have trouble respecting boundaries because they still see you as a little kid they have a right to rule over. In that case, you need to politely but firmly set boundaries with them because you have your own life now. For instance, say your parents tend to just show up at your house unannounced. You could say, "We love having you here, but we'd appreciate it if you gave us some advanced notice. Sometimes, we have our family time planned, and we need that time to strengthen and grow together." Another way you could address an issue is to say, "I understand that you are concerned about when we're having children. However, it may be some time before we decide to do so. I will definitely let you know when we're thinking about it. Until then, I would appreciate it if you stop asking about it."
Question: What is a summary of what this article is about?
Discuss the issue. Be upfront about what you want. Focus on the relationship. Set boundaries.
Article: A big problem that people have when it comes to dating is rushing into things. You really want to get married, and that's completely understandable, but you have to really make sure that you want to be married to this person for the rest of your life, otherwise it's going to cause problems down the road. It's usually best to give it three months before you start to get more serious. This amount of time lets you get over the initial high (the "honeymoon phase") and allows to you look at the relationship more clearly. For example, say you meet a nice guy and you've gone on a few dates. Instead of right away trying to hint towards marriage or moving in together, you step back and let things move naturally in that direction. He's less likely to feel broadsided by your need for a husband. Another thing that has a tendency to foul up relationships is too many expectations. If you're coming into a relationship with your entire marriage and life until death planned out, that's a huge amount of pressure to put on another person. Chances are things aren't going to work out in the way you have planned (welcome to life). For example, say you've gone out with a guy for a few dates and you're already telling your friends that he's "The One" and you're spending all this time fantasizing about your perfect marriage together, instead of spending time with him just being in the present relationship. You have to allow that relationship to develop as it will. There's nothing wrong with daydreaming, or hoping that he might be the man you marry, but you have to make sure that you're grounded in the reality of the relationship. That amazing guy in your head might bear little resemblance to the guy you're actually dating and it will hurt you when he turns out not to be like you've been imagining him. A good way to make sure that things progress further than a few dates is to engage in the things that he's interested in. This doesn't mean molding yourself to what you think he wants, or that you leave your own interests by the wayside. It means that you find out about his interests, ask him about them, and maybe try them out. For example: He really likes to swim. You could ask him about the kinds of swimming he does, how he got into swimming, does he like to compete, and so on. You could even have him help you improve your own swimming techniques. Remember, though, if he is only interested in his own hobbies and never in yours, there are going to be problems later on. He's probably a bit narcissistic and certainly not as interested in you as you deserve. A really important part of creating a lasting relationship is to make sure that you show the other person how important they are to you. He'll feel that he's important to you and that will strengthen your relationship. Tell him what he means to you. Say things like "It really means a lot to me that you did all the dishes last night," or "Thank you so much for listening to me rant about my terrible day." You can also do little things to show your appreciation: take him out for one of his favorite activities as a surprise, write him a letter with the reasons why he means so much to you. You need to find out whether he's the marrying type and how he might feel about marrying you, in specific. If he doesn't want to marry and that's super important to you, then it might be time to move on and find someone with whom you are more compatible. You can come right out and ask "How do you feel about marriage?" (Avoid doing that in the beginning of the relationship, otherwise you'll come off way too strong.) It might be better to ease into this question. You could bring up some mutual friends who just got married, or someone at work and say "I think that your earlier 30s are a good time to get married, what do you think?" If he reacts badly to the idea of marriage, that is not a good sign. You should also pay attention to how he uses "we" and "us" in referring to the future. The more he's making future plans with you in terms of a partnership the more likely he is to be looking towards marriage and commitment.
Question: What is a summary of what this article is about?
Don't take things too fast. Temper your expectations. Engage with his interests. Don't take him for granted. Gauge his interest in marriage.