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Before initiating sexual intimacy, spend time together doing something relaxing or enjoyable beforehand. This will give you and your girlfriend a sense of connection and calm. Some ways you can relax together are: Have a quiet dinner together. Go on a walk. Watch the sunset. Take a shower or bath together. If you slowly increase how much you're touching her, her sexual arousal may increase as well. Touching her is more subtle and could potentially lead to fun, more spontaneous sex. Kiss her. Give her a gentle shoulder massage. Hold her hand. Stroke her arm. Tickle her. Always check-in with her as you touch her to avoid making her feel pressured to have sex. You can ask, "Does this feel good to you?" or "How are you feeling?" Create a sensual environment to further set the mood for intimacy and sex. You want to make your girlfriend feel comfortable, turned on, and wanted. You'll also want to make sure you're in a safe place where you won't be interrupted. You can: Dim the lights. Put out candles or light a fire. Put out soft and clean sheets. Put on soft jazz or other instrumental music. Eat sweet fruit or chocolate. Be romantic in your relationship on a consistent basis. Women tend to need to feel connected to their partner emotionally before engaging in sex, and romance is a great way to achieve this feeling. Romance shows that you're thinking of her and makes her feel more secure in the relationship. Some romantic things you can do include: Buy her flowers. Write her a love note. Send her a romantic poem. Spend time talking with her and cuddling in bed. It can be difficult to create an intimate moment with your girlfriend if your mind is elsewhere, like on work or future plans, or even on how you are performing or how you look. You and your girlfriend will both enjoy your intimate moments more if you can try to fully be present in them. Instead of focusing on your nerves about sex with your girlfriend, or worrying about what you look like, try to just be with her in the moment. You can: Some ways to be mindful, or in the moment, include focusing on your breathing and hers, noticing the sensation of her skin on yours, paying attention to any sounds she's making. Being present in the moment can improve sexual performance, as you are more tuned into cues from your partner. It can also decrease performance anxiety, as you aren't focusing on what might happen or the future, but what you are feeling, doing, and experiencing only in that very moment. Being responsible about sex such as using contraception and only doing it when you both are ready can help remove any fears about STD's, pregnancy, or if you're rushing things. Do not rush through your intimate time together. This should be an enjoyable time for you and your girlfriend, so take your time. Your girlfriend may need some time and foreplay. Be playful, touch her, and ask what she likes throughout the process.
Relax together. Touch her. Set the mood. Be romantic. Be present. Avoid rushing.