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Know your triggers. Learn how to relax. Drop ideals and unrealistic expectations. Let go of the little things. Choose your battles wisely. Block off some "you" time. Exercise to manage adrenaline.
If you know what situations make you overly stressed and never seem to get easier, you can avoid them more easily. An awareness of the things, people, and places that trigger your stress will provide you more choice and help you flex your muscles for developing alternatives that work better for you personally. There are basically two types of stress: acute stress, which is immediate and pretty intense, and chronic stress. You experience acute stress when you ask a crush out, you're pulled over for speeding, or having your first job interview. It can be very uncomfortable, but it usually doesn't last very long. Chronic stress occurs when you have a lot of stress piling up on you, and it doesn't tend to go away. For example, if you're in a job that you hate, you're trying to balance your work, family, and school, or you live in poverty, you're likely to experience chronic stress. This type of stress can cause serious health issues. Say you have a friend who always stresses you out to be around. You like this person, but every time you spend time together it leaves you feeling short, unnerved, and defensive. Is it because he always takes you to places you don't fit in? Does he encourage you to try things you're not interested in? Look at these details and be prepared to negotiate changes to where and what you do together. You may also choose to reconsider this friendship and the value it has for you. Alternately, if your stress is caused by something unavoidable like an exam that you are nervous about or an uncomfortable obligation to your family, you can prepare yourself mentally. Tell yourself that it is a passing scenario that will be over soon enough. Reminding yourself that you are capable of handling this temporary situation with grace will also put you in a more optimistic place. Imagine yourself moving through it with ease. Stress is just as much in our minds as it is in our bodies, and there are many ways to relax your body through natural means. Many studies have shown that relaxation is critical to managing stress and living a healthy, happy life. Massages and baths are both good relaxation tools because hot water and soothing touch sends the "relax" message to our bodies much more quickly than simple stillness. Physical touch, light pressure, and warm temperatures help your body release oxytocin, a hormone that signals your body to relax. Essential oils and aromatherapy can help enhance psychological and physical well-being, and can be used for massages and baths. Good choices for relaxation include lavender, rose, and patchouli. Research has shown that soothing music can also be helpful way to calm down and decrease stress. Make sure you choose whatever helps you let go. You can also try Progressive Muscle Relaxation, deep breathing exercises, self-hypnosis, and visualization exercises. One major block to dealing with life's hurdles are the expectations that we carry around with us. Of course all salespeople should be honest and all of our friends should be available to listen whenever we need them, right? Not entirely. The more specific our hopes are for how things should be or how certain events should turn out, the more we set ourselves up for frustration and disappointment. We tend to either try to regain control and try to change things that we cannot or recoil into feelings of failure. Try to maintain an attitude of acceptance for what comes to you. Plan the absolutely crucial things, but don't expect the world to cater to your mission. Allow yourself to be surprised and alert to shifts and changes, as small as an unexpected rainstorm on the day you had planned to garden or as large as a breakup with a partner you thought had lots of potential. This attitude requires two things: trust in your ability to bounce back and respond to the unexpected occurrence and faith that everything happens in order to teach you something. If you're thrown curve balls, no matter how annoying they may be to deal with, you'll be even better at catching them in the future. We are often confronted with inconveniences and dissatisfaction that a little distance shows us are not very important. As human beings, our needs in life are surprisingly basic (physical necessities, positive emotions, and a sense of meaning mostly cover them). We get frustrated when we confuse our needs with the strategies we normally use to fulfill them. For example, say your need for deep engagement with something is habitually fulfilled by a pottery class. If the class gets cancelled, it doesn't mean that your need can't be met. It simply means that one possible strategy you use to meet that need is not available right now. Instead of getting angry, find another way to engage deeply, like reading or cooking. Recognize when the little things get in the way of your relationships with others. Think deeply about your priorities before picking a fight, making an accusation, or launching a judgment that you know will rile feathers. Ask yourself if and why you want to create another situation that will have to be dealt with. Is whatever is peeving you worth it? We often lash out at others when there is something that we could deal with perfectly well on our own. By changing your outlook and re-framing the situation, you can deal on your own without having to bring extra complication and hurt feelings into the mix. Make checking in with yourself and your priorities a regular occurrence. Take time on your own to refresh and recharge. This will help you become more comfortable with yourself, more confident in your ideas, and even more productive when you "resurface." The more time by yourself spent outside, the better. When possible, spend your alone time in the backyard or at a nearby park. This will make it so you have fewer reminders of the duties and material things we often get caught up worrying about and more reminders of beauty to be appreciated. Spending time in the great outdoors can also promote your sense of awe and wonder, which has been shown by studies to make you feel happier and more optimistic. Exercise causes your brain to release endorphins, adrenaline, and other chemicals that uplift mood. When these chemicals, especially adrenaline, are not intentionally released they can cause excess stress and strain on your body. Movement of all kind has been proven to regulate bodily functions and advance emotional well-being. Try getting into an activity that suits your lifestyle. Yoga, weight training, and cardiovascular exercise all offer different, but equally helpful ways to release energy before it turns into nervousness. Consider how much physical activity you already have in your life and choose accordingly. Also, try to take stock of how much energy you tend to carry. Grinding your teeth, fidgeting, and pacing are all signs that you may want to pursue a decent amount of exercise. Remember that the goal is to deal with life, not to add more obligations and sources of stress. Avoid committing to a movement regimen that isn't feasible in light of everything else you have going on.