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Get to the root of the issue. Consider if the situation was a result of miscommunication or misunderstanding. Who is at fault, and who needs to be forgiven? Figure out how to solve the issue and who to forgive by first understanding the cause to begin with. Think about the effects the grudge has had on you. Do you find yourself not trusting other people? Do you find yourself acting irritable and angry more often? Are you experiencing physical issues like stomach pains or headaches? Have you changed your routines as a result of the offense? After you consider the grudge's effects on you, ask yourself who it is helping for you to be experiencing all of that. Does it tell the offender anything? Is the offender bothered by it? Are you expecting to "get back" at the person somehow? How effective is the grudge? Is it just hurting you? Recognize your emotions and the reality of the situation. Telling the truth about your feelings to yourself will help you to acknowledge the hurt you feel. Don't deny the event, and go over the facts of what occurred. Was the situation really a big deal? If not, try to let go of it. If so, you should talk about it with the offender. When you evaluate the situation, step back and consider if this grudge is worth your time to pursue or to continue dwelling on. Sometimes you can let go of the grudge without discussing the situation with the offender. Ask yourself if holding the grudge is about you or them. Extend compassion to whatever caused the wound, and let it go. After you understand exactly what took place and how you feel, find commonalities as to why your offender may have acted the way they did. Once you realize that you got in a fight with your friend because she just lost her job, it will be easier to let go of your hard feelings. Sometimes it takes multiple conversations to come to an understanding. Even small wounds may need to be looked over and forgiven again. Be patient with yourself and try to always think positively.
Identify what needs healing. Acknowledge what took place and how you feel. Remember that forgiveness is a process.