Problem: Write a positive movie review.

Answer: An overblown melodrama typical of its period (mid-1950s) and appropriate matinee food. Rock Hudson, the hulk everyone always falls in love with, plays his usual stereotype role, but whereas in Giant, made the same year, when his material and co-stars (Taylor & Dean) were above average, in this movie he is just not good enough to raise the calibre beyond a mushy tale of how difficult it is to be both rich and happy. The self-destructive brother and sister (Robert Stack, reeling his way through the film in a drunken stupor, and Dorothy Malone, playing a vampish poor little rich girl totally over the top) end up the losers and Hudson gets Bacall - who is rather wooden in this part which does not have enough character or wit to get her going. To paraphrase Oscar Wilde, the good end happily and the bad unhappily, that is the meaning of fiction. However, I was interested to read that the film is based on a true story which vindicated the plot. Like other films of the period, homosexuality is disguised in heterosexual terms. Maybe the film could be remade: Stack's character would ring truer if he was hiding homosexual feelings for Mitch by marrying. Todd Haynes's Far From Heaven greatly improved on All That Heaven Allows , also directed by Sirk. Perhaps Haynes could remake Written on the Wind and give us a truly memorable film.

Problem: Write a negative movie review.

Answer: How many centuries will pass until the Japanese/Asian horror films abandon the long-haired ghost-woman shtick? Admittedly, they've managed to rip off "Ringu" a million times, and often it worked well - which just goes to show that originality isn't that much of a requirement in the horror genre (or that I'm very uncritical and easy to please?). However, this time around I found myself a little restless, somewhat bored. It's not a bad film, but it's at least half-an-hour longer than it should be, with its absurd 110 minutes length. Compared to many other Japanese horror films, OMC lacks atmosphere and excitement. Plus, the ending is confusing: it makes no sense at all. As for the ring-tone: Miike could have come up with a melody that is more effective than that forgettable little thing. Even though it was played a dozen times I can't even remember it - that's how scary it was. Speaking of Miike, for him this is something of a commercial venture, so if anyone thinks they might be getting perversion of the "Bijita Q" or "Audition" kind, they're wasting their time.

Problem: Write a negative movie review.

Answer: Director Warren Beatty's intention to turn Chester Gould's famous comic strip into a live-action cartoon (with Beatty himself cast in the lead as the square-jawed detective) had sweet overtures of innocent nostalgia--quite unusual and intriguing coming from Warren Beatty. Unfortunately, the picture is requisite ham, fun for awhile but eventually tiring. Dick Tracy attempts to bring down mobster Big Boy Caprice, aided by loving Tess Trueheart but tripped up by evil Breathless Mahoney. For the first half-hour or so, the Oscar-winning art direction and set design are wonderful to absorb but, as the plot creaks along predictably (with no real sting in the writing), things begin to congeal. Al Pacino got a surprise Supporting Oscar nomination as bad boy Caprice, and Madonna (who is mostly used as a decorative prop) gets to sing Stephen Sondheim's "Sooner or Later (I Always Get My Man)", which copped the award for Best Original Song. Lots of heart, thanks to Beatty--who was dedicated to his vision--but the picture is too cool and calculated. It lacks heat. *1/2 from ****

Problem: Write a positive movie review.

Answer:
"Show People" is an absolutely delightful silent directed by King Vidor and starring Marion Davies and Billy Haines. What gems both of them are in this charming comedy about a young girl, Peggy Pepper, whose acting is the talk of Savannah trying to make it on the big screen. Though she's a success in comedy, what she wants to do is make "art" so she moves up to High Arts Studio. Soon she becomes Patricia Pepoire and is too good for the likes of her friend Billy.

Many stars of the silent era have cameos in "Show People," including Davies herself without the curly hair and makeup. I'm sure when people saw the film in 1928, they recognized everyone who appeared in the elaborate lunch scene; sadly, nowadays, it's not the case, even for film buffs. In one part of the film, however, she does meet Charlie Chaplin; in another, author Elinor Glyn is pointed out to her, and Vidor himself has a cameo at the end of the film. Other stars who pop up in "Show People" are John Gilbert, Douglas Fairbanks, William S. Hart, Leatrice Joy, Bess Flowers, Renee Adoree, Rod LaRoque, Aileen Pringle, and many others.

Davies was adorable and a lively comedienne. It's a shame William Haines quit the movies - he was cute and energetic, deservedly an enormous star back in the day.

"Show People" is a simple story told in a witty way. It's also a look back at an exciting era in Hollywood's history and contains performances by two wonderful stars.