<< > Lesson Number One > ***************** > A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. > A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you > and do nothing all day long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the > rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, > a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. > > Management Lesson: To be sitting and doing nothing, > you must be sitting very, very high up. > > Lesson Number Two > ***************** > A turkey was chatting with a bull. > > "I would love to be able to get to the top of that > tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy. > > "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my > droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." > > The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that > it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first > branch of the tree. > > The next day, after eating some more dung, he > reached the second branch. > Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly > perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, > who > shot the turkey out of the tree. > > Management Lesson: Bullshit might get you to the > top, but it won't keep you there. > > Lesson Number Three > ******************* > When the body was first made, all the parts wanted > to be Boss. > The brain said, "I should be Boss because I control the whole body's > responses and functions." > > The feet said, "We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and > get him to where he wants to go." > > The hands said, "We should be the Boss because we do all the work > and earn all the money." > > And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs > and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed > at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So the asshole went on > strike, blocked itself up and refused to work. Within a short time the > eyes > became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and > lungs began to panic and the brain fevered. Eventually they all decided > that > the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed. All the other > parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit! > > Management Lesson: You don't need brains to be a > Boss - any asshole will do. > > Lesson Number Four > ****************** > A little bird was flying south for the winter. It > was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. > While > it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the > frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how > warm > it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and > happy and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird > singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered > the bird under the pile of cow dung and promptly dug him out and ate > him! > > Management Lessons: > > 1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is > your enemy. > 2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is > your friend. > 3) And when you're in deep shit, keep your > mouth shut! >>
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Management Lessons