Write an article based on this "Make your expectations clear. Ask questions. Actively listen. Choose the right time."
One of the keys to having a positive relationship with your teen is good communication. You need to be able to talk to one other and make your feelings and desires clear. If you are able to communicate effectively, you might find that you need to discipline your teen less frequently. An important component of good communication is a clear explanation of your expectations. Let your teen know exactly what you expect from him or her. For example, maybe you are focusing on helping them succeed in school. Let your teen know which grades you consider acceptable. Maybe you are aiming for them to get all A's and B's. Tell your teen your expectations and explain that you will help him or her meet them. If you are focused on better grades, explain that you need your son or daughter to study at least X amount of hours per week. Or make a requirement that all homework is done before they hang out with their friends. You can also set expectations for non-tangible outcomes. Maybe you feel your teen has developed an attitude problem. Set clear expectations that they are to speak respectfully to all members of the family. Try putting your expectations in writing. This will help reinforce the words you are saying. As a teen, your child is starting to spend more and more time away from home--and you. School days are longer, there are more activities to join, and more friends to hang out with. To develop a strong relationship with your teen, it is important that you know what is going on in their life. In order to do that, you need to ask questions. Ask questions that require more than a "yes" or "no" answer. You'll get more descriptive answers. Instead of "Did you do your homework?", try, "What have you been working on in English class?" Set aside time each day to talk to your son or daughter about how things are going. It can be casual, but make sure to ask questions to see how they are doing. You could say, "How are you feeling about your big soccer game coming up on Saturday?" Communicating effectively is a great way to strengthen your relationship with your teen. It's not enough to just ask questions, though. You need to actively listen to what they are saying. There are many things you can do to become a better listener. When your teen talks, try restating what they say. For example, you could say, "I'm hearing you say that you are frustrated that your friends all have later curfews than you." This will not only show that you are engaged in the conversation, but it helps to clarify any issues. Offer feedback. When you are talking to your teen, it's a good idea to offer your initial feelings on a topic. For instance, you could say, "I'm not against giving you a bigger allowance. But we'll need to talk about an increase in responsibilities, too." Give validation. Let your teen know that you acknowledge their feelings. Be specific, saying things like, "I know that you are really sad that your dad moved out. That is totally understandable." Good communication with your teen can be challenging, partially because they might not always be in the mood to talk. Try to choose a good time if you need to have an important discussion with them. Don't wait until right before bed or as he or she is headed out the door to school. Consider talking while you are doing an activity together. While you're cooking dinner together would be a good time to check in with them. If your teen seems resistant to talking, consider choosing a different time for your conversation. You want it to be constructive for both of you. Try to be patient. Teens will often only open up with they feel like it. When the moment comes, be ready to listen and don't don't brush them off.