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Compare strategies and treatment plans. Ask your therapist's opinion on divorce. Determine your therapist's values. Look for evidence-based approaches. Evaluate your progress.
Different therapists have differing approaches to therapy. It's important to get a sense of how a therapist would proceed if you were to begin sessions with him. Ask the therapist how he would want to proceed with treatment, and whether he uses any particular therapeutic modality in his practice. Then read up about that treatment plan to see if you think it could help you. A good therapist will suggest different techniques and treatment strategies for you to work on at home between sessions. Find out about the therapist's projected treatment plan. You should specifically ask how many sessions you can expect to have, how long each session will last, and what kind of timetable you can expect for results. It may seem like a strange question to ask a marriage counselor you're interested in working with, but it can also be a very important thing to know. Some marriage counselors urge their clients to leave the marriage when things get rocky, either because of the therapist's beliefs or her unwillingness to continue working through problems. This may be the mark of a poor therapist for your needs, especially if you're committed to working through your problems no matter what. You should specifically ask the therapist at what point she considers divorce to be a viable option and when she thinks you should try to stop or avoid it. Each therapist brings his own set of values to the practice of marriage counseling, which can be good, bad, or neutral. However, those values shouldn't intrude on your therapy in problematic ways. It's important to determine what your therapist's values are to ensure that he will be a good fit for you and your partner moving forward. If a therapist says there is only one way to have a successful marriage, you should consider finding someone else to work with. Ask a therapist you're interested in what his personality is like. That may give you some insight into how well he'd fit with you and your spouse. Determine what kinds of patients the therapist works with before you describe your problem. That way you'll know whether he can help you right off the bat. Describe yourself, your spouse, and your marital problem(s). Ask the counselor how he thinks the first session or two might go when dealing with that problem to get a sense of what to expect. There are many therapeutic approaches that are generally recognized as being effective and medially-sound. It may be a good idea to find out what kinds of therapeutic approaches your counselor uses to see if it would fit well with your needs. Two common evidence-based approaches to marriage counseling are Emotionally-Focused Couples Therapy and the Gottman Method. Emotionally-Focused Couples Therapy works to rebuild the foundation of a marriage by focusing on repairing trust, fostering emotional intimacy, and rekindling feelings of love and affection. The Gottman Method works to rebuild a marriage by first changing the behaviors of each partner. This method emphasizes communication skills, conflict resolution, strengthening the friendship within a marriage, and being more caring/considerate partners to one another. Marriage counseling should not feel like a never-ending pursuit. Early in the counseling, you and your partner should set concrete goals with your therapist so that the ensuing sessions have some direction and focus. Each subsequent session should have those goals in mind and should work to help you and your partner find ways to meet your goals. You won't see results overnight, but if you haven't seen any improvement in your marriage after several weeks' worth of sessions, you may want to consider looking for another therapist. A good therapist should make both spouses feel respected and heard. If your therapist takes sides or "gangs up" on you or your spouse, you should consider looking for another therapist. Don't get frustrated. Saving a marriage takes time and effort from both you and your partner, you won't be able to do it alone. If the therapist you're seeing isn't helping you reach your clearly-defined goals, it's worth your marriage to find one who will.