Problem: I ' m going to be honest and admit that if I did n't gain weight , I 'd be the crappiest eater in the whole world . I 'd live on donuts , pie , soda , and other things that could be zapped in the microwave . Laziness and I are BFFs .

What is the reason Laziness and I are BFFs ?
OPTIONS:
- I am Big Burping Felon with Lazy people
- None of the above choices .
- I am lazy .
- Lazy people are the most interesting of all .

A: I am lazy .

Problem: And so we did . And to this day I do n't know how the movie ends , but I believe David Bowie or someone who looks like David Bowie features prominently in it . I should also mention that this was the ' special longer than the Ice Age ' version . But back to the mall .

Why is the narrator a bit befuddled ?
OPTIONS:
- They do n't know who David Bowie is .
- They do n't know what the movie ending was .
- They do n't know where the mall is .
- None of the above choices .

A: They do n't know what the movie ending was .

Problem: I had n't had the stink of trash , tar and salt in my nose for awhile , so I figured it would n't hurt to stick around and have some fun at one of the local taverns once my business , which is n't any of yours , was done . So I took myself over to the Salty Sailor and ordered an ale . I sat myself in a corner , propped up my feet and watched the scene unfold .

What is the narrator consuming in large quantities ?
OPTIONS:
- They are consuming booze .
- They are consuming salt water taffy .
- They are consuming salty snacks .
- None of the above choices .

A:
They are consuming booze .