Q: You may want to start by asserting your needs with people who you consider to be more understanding to help you get used to it. This will give you a chance to deal with people's reactions in small doses, and then you can start branching out. For example, you may want to start by asserting your needs to close friends or family members before asserting your needs to coworkers, acquaintances, or people you don't usually get along with. Let people know what you'd like and need. You can't demand people to treat you differently, so make requests and ask that they respect your changes. There are specific people you should speak to, especially regarding big changes. For example, go to your employer and let them know any changes you need in the office. You might need a new name placard or to send out an email letting your coworkers know to refer to you differently. When speaking to friends and family, be clear in stating what you need from them. For example, you might say, "I would like to be referred to as "he" and "him" now." When dealing with professional changes, be succinct and don't feel the need to go into detail. Say, "I've made some changes and I want these changes to be reflected at work." With friends and family, you can choose how much to disclose based on what you feel comfortable sharing. You may choose to share your process or just let them know your needs. Making a name change is a big deal. If you change your name to something you feel fits you better, begin introducing yourself with your new name. If people struggle in calling you by your chosen name, gently remind them that you've changed it. It can take time for people to adjust to calling you something different. Be patient, but don't be afraid to correct them. Say, "I'd appreciate it you call me Danny now" or, "Please change your address book to show my chosen name." If someone refuses to call you by your chosen name, you might not be able to change their mind. Let them know how you feel about it. You might want to pull back from that relationship if they can't respect your wishes. If you confide in someone about the changes you've made or how you feel, let them if you'd like them to keep it private. You may not want everyone knowing what your plans are or how you feel about them. If you want something to stay private, make sure you tell the person that. For example, you can say, "Please don't share this with anyone. I don't want word spreading about me and I'd like my privacy to be respected." If you're willing to share how comments make you feel, do so. People may not realize how their comments hurt you or affect you. It can be helpful just to be honest and say what bothers you or makes you feel different or small. Express your feelings in an open and honest way. If you don't know how to start talking, begin with, "I feel" For example, say, "I feel frustrated by your comments. I don't think you realize how much they affect me."
A: Start small. Make requests. Ask people to respect your name. Request confidentiality. Explain how comments hurt you.

Q: When in a conversation, do not look at your phone or glance around the room. Do not think about things like what you're going to do after work or eat for dinner that night. Direct your attention solely on the speaker. This will help you listen better, as you'll focus on what's being said. Keep your eyes on the speaker most of the time. If you find other thoughts creeping in, remind yourself to return to the present and listen. Eye contact shows you're paying attention. Meet the person's eyes as they talk. Eye contact conveys that you're paying attention and present. A lack of eye contact can come off as rude or disinterested. Electronic devices, like cell phones, can often demand our attention, especially if they make noise or give off notifications. Keep your phone in your purse or pocket when talking to someone so you're not tempted to look elsewhere. Eye contact can also let you know if you're boring someone else. If someone breaks eye contact while you're speaking, you may be talking too much. Pause and give the speaker a turn. Listening is not a passive act. While the speaker talks, it's your job to listen to what they're saying. Try to withhold judgment while you do so. Even if you disagree with what's being said, wait your turn to speak. Do not think about how you'll respond while the speaker is talking. It can help to try to picture what's being communicated. Create images in your mind that represent what the speaker is saying. You can also try to latch on to key words and phrases while the speaker talks. In any conversation, it will eventually be your turn to share. Before doing so, however, make it clear you were listening. Paraphrase in your own words what the speaker said and ask any questions you have. Do not repeat what the speaker said verbatim. Just rephrase your understanding of what they said. Also, keep in mind that active listening is meant to help you pay close attention to the speaker and let them know you are listening. Do not use active listening as a way to interject or make your opinions known. For example, say something like, "So, you're saying you are stressed about the upcoming office party." Then, follow up with a question. For example, say, "Where do you think this stress is coming from? Do you want to talk about that?" Make sure to be empathetic and non-judgmental as you listen to the speaker. You can express respect and validate their position without giving up your own position.
A:
Focus only on the speaker. Maintain eye contact. Think about what the speaker is saying. Clarify what the speaker is saying.