Toxicity can show up in a lot of different ways. You may have a toxic friend and not even realize it. Here are several ways that toxic behavior can manifest: They create and are surrounded by interpersonal issues. They try to manipulate and control you. They are needy and make strong demands on your attention. They are extremely critical of themselves and other people. They are unwilling to seek help or try to change. They are extremely disrespectful and always seem to get their way. A strong form of toxicity is constant anger. These people are irritable and will get upset at you for the smallest slight. You may feel like you are having to watch your back constantly in order to keep them from jumping on you. Recognize the traits of an angry person so you can learn to respond appropriately. Here are a few signs of an angry person: Shouting at people. Threatening people. Interrogating people with hostile questioning. Regularly using strong, intense language. Another form of toxicity that shows up is the cynical person. Cynical people have a negative view of the world. This view infects everything in their life and they have a difficult time being positive. They are hard to be around because of the unending dark cloud overhead. Cynical people may: Complain endlessly about their lives. Never be satisfied with how you act toward them. Fail to contribute anything positive to the relationship. Feel distrust and unnecessary negativity towards others. One useful way to determine if people are toxic is to pay attention to how you feel around them. You can "check in" at certain points while you are around people. Ask yourself the following questions: Am I feeling drained right now? Does it seem like the person is draining my emotions? Am I walking on eggshells? Am I afraid to say the wrong thing because they might react negatively? Am I ignoring my own voice? Is the person making it hard for me to listen to myself and follow my own values? Do I feel smaller and less important around this person? You may be too close to the toxic people to know if they are really toxic or not. They could just be going through a rough patch. Try asking a different friend or someone with good judgment if they think the person is toxic. This will help you zero in on the toxic people in your life. Your own judgment is a good source of information, but sometimes when we get too close to a situation it can be hard to have an unbiased opinion.

Summary: Look for basic signs of a toxic person. Watch for people who are constantly angry. Watch for cynics who get you down. Assess how you feel around people. Get a second opinion.

Decide what personality traits you want. Identify the bad habits you want to get rid of. Determine the obstacles you want to overcome. Choose something that you really desire. Make sure it is consistent with your other goals, specific and detailed, not harmful to others, and is challenging but realistic. Make sure the autosuggestion is believable to yourself. If you don't believe it, then it will not work. For example, instead of saying "I make $100,000 per year," say "I choose to earn $100, 000 per year." In order for an autosuggestion to work, it must trigger feelings. The more meaningful the the autosuggestion is to you, the more effective it is. The autosuggestions are for you and no one else. Don't make your autosuggestions based on what you want other people to be or how they think you should be. Make the autosuggestion what you want to be Autosuggestions are more effective when paired with positive thinking. Using positive statements also keep you motivated to accomplish your goals. Avoid negativity. Avoid using negative phrases such as "I cannot," "I will not," or "I do not want." For example use "I am brave," instead of "I am not afraid." This can cause stress, which will interfere with your meditations and goals. Use meditation, sleep, or writing to practice autosuggestion. The more your practice your autosuggestion, the faster it will work.

Summary: Identify the things you want to change. Choose something believable. Use emotions. Use the first person. Be positive. Avoid creating a time limit. Practice the autosuggestion you created.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is a type of treatment that helps people accept themselves and work toward their goals. Along the lines of this therapy, you can learn acceptance in order to reduce your pattern of berating yourself. Try using this worksheet found at getselfhelp.co.uk to work on acceptance. Fill in the blanks: Activating Event (what happened) __________________ Thoughts (what went through your mind) ______________ Consequence of believing these thoughts ____________ Balanced, alternative thought ______________________ How you will defuse (see thoughts as passing sensations and cope appropriately) _________________ Normalizing is a common technique in therapy because it lets people know that their experience is common and normal. This in turn, can cause people to be more relaxed, and accept themselves and their situation more readily. For example, maybe you tend to be quiet in group settings, and you wish you spoke up more. Someone else who seems like the life of the party might wish instead to be a better listener. Don't be so hard on yourself! You're a unique human being. Everyone has challenges and things to work on. You are a work in progress! There's always something to learn in order to develop a more productive way to live your life. You can learn to live more efficiently, conduct your relationships healthfully with yourself and others, increase your happiness, and decrease your anxiety. If you find yourself thinking negatively again, try a little self-compassion. Try to be understanding with yourself as you would with a friend. If you have high expectations of yourself, try to focus on what you did well. If you need to, adjust your expectations and allow yourself some time to breathe or relax. Distraction or grounding techniques can serve as great resources for dealing with the emotional pain (anxiety, depression) that often coincides with self-critical thoughts and behaviors. One way to distract yourself is to laugh. Laughter really can be the best medicine, as it has been shown to increase overall health. Try watching a funny movie or stand-up comedy or playing a humorous game. Engage in positive activities. Doing things that make you happy is a fantastic way to turn your mood around and cope with self-critical thoughts. Go somewhere that makes you happy. This might be a park, mall, pet store, or friend's house. Sometimes you may get too hung-up on your challenges, without taking into account the great aspects of who you are! Pay attention to and congratulate your positive characteristics in order to increase your self-esteem. You can use a positive personal qualities sheet to organize your strengths. Define your good qualities, how others might describe you in a positive way, and what others have said about your positive characteristics in the past. Try drawing a flower and putting one positive quality on each petal. Try this worksheet. Stop others from berating you. How you allow other people to treat you may greatly affect how you treat yourself. If your friends pick on you, then get new friends! If your coworkers are mean to you, then you must decide if it is really worth it to be around people who treat you badly.
Summary: Practice self-acceptance. Normalize your experiences. Give yourself a break. Distract yourself. Focus on your positive qualities. Do not tolerate others putting you down.