Summarize this article in one sentence.
The less reactive you are to provocations, the more you can use your better judgment to handle the challenge. When you feel upset with or challenged by someone, before you say or do something you might later regret, take a deep breath and count slowly to ten. This includes avoiding all forms of criticality and defensiveness. Yelling back is just another, readily available way to respond in a reactive rather than a proactive way. Being critical of the yeller or challenging what he/she is saying will provoke them further. Besides, when we are being yelled at we don't typically think well. This is because we are being put in a state of fear. If you're being yelled at, you are never absolutely stuck in the situation. This applies equally to strangers who lose their cool in line at the store as it does to your boss and your significant other. So, detach from the moment enough to think about whether or not you have to wait out the yelling. You might decide that escaping the moment is not worth losing your job over, but you may want to open up other options if the yelling seems like a hopelessly recurring phenomenon, or if the person yelling is not important enough to endure. Research has shown that yelling is just as harmful and ineffective when it is done "out of love". This means that regardless of the yeller's intentions, you are being subject to treatment that is never ideal or even appropriate. When we are yelling, it is because we are so overwhelmed by something that we cannot come up with a way to handle it except regressing to the use of brute force. If you gratify what the yeller is saying with a thoughtful response or rebuttal, you are affirming this type of communication. If you find yourself silently poking holes in the yeller's arguments and complaints in your head, allow yourself to do so. This may be your way of showing yourself that you are in control and have the upper hand in the situation. But, be careful that you don't get so focused on your thoughts that you are unable to observe. Let yourself disengage from what you're experiencing as a way to make sure that you don't take anything too personally. The best way to do this without losing sight of the moment is to empathize with the yeller.Focus on the pain and strain in the person's face. Rather than listening to the yeller, look at the desperation and frustration you see them experiencing. Remember, you are not validating the yeller. You are empathizing in order to see the part of the person you can find compassion for when the time comes to respond. Project peace in any way you can, but do not put on a cheesy show of false serenity. This can further anger the yeller, who might interpret it as teasing or patronizing. A good way to project peace is to express genuine surprise at the attitude the yeller is bringing to you. This way you can show that you are somewhat blind-sighted, while sending hints that the yelling is disturbing.
Resist the urge to yell back. Weigh your options. Avoid condoning the yelling. Take the focus off of you.