Write an article based on this "Practice your comebacks. Learn a little about your bully. Don't become the bully. Be careful not to provoke violence. Get help."
Comebacks are all about timing and confidence. Most people think comebacks have to be spontaneous, but you can improve yours by practicing. Find a friend or a sympathetic adult and have her deliver the insults so you can practice your responses. If you don't feel comfortable with this, you can try it on your own in the mirror. Notice which style of comeback feels most natural to you. If you struggle to come up with a funny one-liner in the moment, then using this tactic will not be very successful for you. Use a different response like a poker face and saying "Are you finished?" if that comes more naturally. Use what works best for you until you can practice and use the other methods effectively. Bullies are usually very socially intelligent and great people-readers. They can easily see which comments get under people's skin. You can benefit from building up this same skill, but using it for defense instead of for aggression (like the bully). Watch the bully's reaction when you deliver your comeback and the reaction of others around him. Did he respond with surprise? Become angry, quiet, walk away? Then the comeback style used was successful. Watch for patterns and make not of what worked and what didn't. Notice, for instance, if humor seems to egg him on. If this is the case, switch to indifference or seriousness. Use the group dynamic to take control over the situation. Did the reactions of others watching tell you that you made an impact? Then what you said is working. Did they laugh at you and continue to support the bully? Then try a new tactic. When you are thinking about comebacks, try to come up with ideas that insult the bully's behavior, not characteristics she can't change. Your goal isn't to be as mean as the bully; your goal is to make the put-downs stop. Don't use stereotypes or attack a person based on her gender, ethnicity, sexuality, religion, or other characteristics such as these. This is just as bad as what the bully is doing to you, and possibly worse. You can also get in a lot of trouble for using these kinds of insults. Sometimes comebacks can lead to more insults. More concerning, however, is that some bullies might respond with violence, especially to insulting comebacks. Keep an eye out for signs that the person is becoming aggressive. Think carefully about the comebacks you use, and if a violent reaction seems like a possibility, remove yourself from the situation. Do you know if this person has ever gotten in trouble for violence before? Have you heard about him hitting or fighting with others? Or is he a social bully who just uses words? If you know this person has gotten violent in the past, you will want to be very cautious. Watch for physical cues of violence. The person may touch his head or face (rubbing his face or scalp or almost touching his face) and clench his fists, wring his hands, or pop his knuckles. The bully may remove an article of clothing, like a hat or a jacket, and may crouch down slightly. In addition, the person may turn his non-dominant side toward you; so, a left-handed person may turn his right side toward you. If you notice any of these behaviors, do not try to make a comeback and back away from the person. Do not make comebacks to threats of violence. The bully may threaten to hit or beat you, so remain confident. Don't look like you're scared. Instead, get away from the bully and report the threat to a trusted adult. If someone is bullying you regularly get help from a teacher, manager, or coworker. Bullies are less likely to pick on you if you aren't isolated. If you can't solve the problem informally, get someone in a position of authority involved. You shouldn't have to deal with constant insults from a bully in any situation.