I think that after our talk tonight even though she did n't come outright and tell me I could see it in her eyes . When I looked at her she would n't look at me and when she did she did n't seem happy in the least . I just wish she would tell me what she wants .

A: Why were they upset ?

Is that some sort of unique behaviour or what ? Seems I keep butting heads with people who have no concept about honesty although , they do sure talk as if they do . I do n't understand it , never have , even when I was guilty of it ; what is wrong with being who and what you are ?

A: what may be the reason for people not wanting to be themselves ?

i joined my first band and we gained some vestige of success , albeit local success . musically i grew an immense amount . as a musician i ' m so much more learned , more experienced and open than i was at 18 . being a music minor exposed me to a whole new world of sonic possibilities , which is always nice.not having any obligations at this point feels so liberating . i ' m just going to get a job and buy a new guitar .

A: What type of music may I play ?

No , that thought just got his heart pounding that much harder and forbidden images trying to pop into his head . Very , very dangerous images that he could nonetheless not deny himself the pleasure of in his twisted imagination .

A:
Why is the narrator struggling with his thoughts ?