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In the heat of an argument, it's easy to lose your cool and blurt out the first thing that pops into your head. But words really can hurt, and you don't want to say anything that might make the fight worse or permanently damage the relationship. Force yourself to slow down and choose your words carefully. Before you say something, ask yourself if you really mean it and if it's really necessary to say it. For example, you may find yourself wanting to say, "You're a terrible friend!" Do you really think that? Will saying it help resolve your fight? If the answer to either of those questions is "no," don't say it! Try mentally rephrasing what you want to say before you say it so you focus on their behavior. For example, instead of "You're a terrible friend," say, "I feel really frustrated with the way you've been acting lately." This shows your friend you're concerned about how they're behaving but doesn't attack your friend. Staying calm during a fight is easier said than done. But if you can manage it, it will go a long way toward keeping the fight from escalating and getting out of hand. Take a few deep breaths or count to 10 in your head if you feel like you're losing your cool. You can also try grounding yourself by focusing on things in your environment. For example, take a second to spot 5 blue things in the room, or focus on the physical sensations inside and outside your body. If you have to, walk out of the room for a few minutes and come back when you feel calmer. You could even say to your friend, "I'm feeling really upset. I need a minute to myself." If your friend feels like you are blaming or labeling them, they will probably react defensively. Using language that focuses on you and your feelings will help you feel more in control of your reactions, and will also feel less hostile to your friend. For example: Instead of saying, "You're always standing me up! You're unreliable!" say "I feel really disappointed and upset when we make plans and then you don't show up. I have a hard time feeling like I can rely on you." Your best friend probably knows how to get under your skin better than anyone, and you can probably give back just as good as you get. Don't give in to the temptation to belittle your friend or call them names. Even if they're not fighting fair, taking the high road and being the bigger person will help you feel better and may help your friend calm down, as well. Never insult or threaten your friend during a fight. Even if you're really mad at your friend about something, try to focus on their negative behaviors rather than who they are as a person. Try to be respectful of your friend by not interrupting them or shouting them down when they're trying to speak. Avoid exaggerations and absolutes, such as "You never listen to me!" Not all fights are going to be resolved in a single argument. If things are getting out of hand and you just aren't making any headway, it might be time to walk away from each other for a whileeven if it's for a few days or a few weeks. Try again when you've both had a chance to cool down. You might say to your friend, "Fighting like this isn't getting us anywhere. Let's take a break and talk about this later."
Think before you speak. Try to stay calm. Use "I" language. Keep it civil. Take a time out for a bit, if you have to.