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Talking about separation is not a fun subject, but get to the point rather than trying to dress up the discussion. You might say something like "Mom and Dad aren't getting along very well anymore. We'll be taking some time apart and living separately." Offer a soft and empathetic tone as you deliver the news. Don't be defensive or accusatory about your spouse, either. Even if there has been obvious tension in your marriage, your kids don't need to know all the ugly details. Simply say what you need to say and keep the focus on them, not on you. For instance, it would be entirely inappropriate to mention cheating, abuse, or financial troubles. It will only complicate matters if you introduce your children to adult problems. Instead of going into complex details, keep it short and simple. Say, "Mom and Dad will both feel happier by living apart." Kids may react to the news of divorce in many different ways. Your role should be to reassure them that, although things are changing in your marriage and household, your parenting role stays the same. Both parents should convey that you love your children and will be there for them as best you can. For instance, remind them "This is happening because we can't get along. You did nothing wrong. We love you and we always will. We won't be living together, but we will both be taking care of you." Most children will immediately wonder about how a separation impacts their lives, so address this as soon as possible. Give them some basic information about how their lives will change due to this new reality. For example, you might say, "Dad will continue to stay here with you guys, and Mom will be leaving. I'll be getting an apartment nearby and you will spend weekends with me." Your child may suggest reasons they think you are splitting. To enhance their trust, don't lie. Don't go into details either. Agree that the suggested behavior is a part of the problem, but that there are other issues as well. Make sure you keep any explanations appropriate for your child's age. For instance, younger children of preschool age may think, because one parent is leaving, that they are leaving them, not the other parent. Correct these misconceptions and reassure them it's not their fault. Older children may have fantasies of getting their parents back together. You might validate their intentions, but let them know that these decisions are out of their control. Your child may have ideas of who they want to live with, but you should explain that there are other factors in this decision. Try to stick to the custody plan that both parents have developed together.
Be straightforward and brief. Keep the details to a minimum. Be reassuring. Describe how it will affect them logistically. Answer questions honestly but age-appropriately.