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If you're upset about a situation that recently occurred, take some time to blow off steam before talking to your spouse about it. Initiating this conversation when you're emotional may not get you the results you desire. Wait until you're calm. To manage anger or frustration, go for a walk around the block. Do some light stretches. Or take several deep breaths, in through your nose and out through your mouth. Pull your spouse aside once you're calm and explain the situation. This can be a tough predicament since your spouse may feel torn between you and their parents. Avoid coming off as accusatory by using "I" statements. You might say something like, "I feel helpless when your mother comes over and brings the kids candy. I have asked her not to, but she keeps doing it." Discussing difficult matters regarding family can create tension. However, if you and your spouse can't get on the same page, you'll have a hard time getting your in-law to change their behavior. Remember that you both want the same thingsto live your life without being controlled by your in-law. Stay focused on the common ground between you to avoid a rift. You should approach your in-law about the issue as a unified front. Keep the issues happening with your in-law separate from your relationship with your spouse. Don't blame your spouse for their parent's behavior. After you've shared your feelings about your overbearing in-law, take an objective approach. Take a step back and get a clearer view of the situation. What's happening that you don't want to happen? What needs to happen to make the situation better? For instance, you both agree that your mother-in-law needs to respect your parenting decisions whenever she's in your home. Therefore, you might create a boundary stating that.
Gain control of your temper first. Tell your spouse how you feel using "I" statements. Get on the same team. Clarify your boundaries.