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This is vital to developing empathy. Browse some websites that talk about ADD or ADHD. Get pamphlets from a local therapist's office. You can ask your boyfriend to refer you to reading materials, as he may know great places to read up on the conditions. People with ADD/ADHD may struggle to pay attention. Your boyfriend may zone out during conversations, for example, or struggle to sit still through a movie. People with ADD/ADHD may also be forgetful. If your boyfriend got the time wrong for a dinner date, he may have been listening to you earlier. He simply forgot the information. ADD and ADHD may cause poor organizational skills, so if you clean up after your boyfriend a lot, that's not necessarily because he's being rude. He just may struggle to keep up. People with ADD and ADHD may be more emotional and impulsive. Your boyfriend may suddenly blurt things out and may have a slight temper. It may be difficult to have a calm conversation with someone with ADD or ADHD. Talking with your boyfriend and asking him questions about his experiences with ADD or ADHD can also help you to gain valuable perspective. Some questions you might ask him to get a better sense of how ADD or ADHD affects him include: What is hardest about living with ADHD? Does it ever affect your emotions? Do you take medication? If so, how does the medication make you feel? Is there anything I can do to help? This is important to understanding your boyfriend's experience. When your boyfriend is frustrating you, pause for a second and consider his perspective. It is difficult to live with ADHD or ADD day in and day out. If your boyfriend is frustrating you, imagine how frustrated he must feel at himself. For example, you're angry because your boyfriend could not get out the door in time for a movie as he kept getting distracted along the way. While this is frustrating for you, think how your boyfriend must feel. He probably feels mad at himself for letting you down, and frustrated he's unable to manage his symptoms well enough for a simple movie date. You were probably drawn to your boyfriend for a reason. He is not completely defined by his ADD/ADHD. Try to remember why you like being with him when things get frustrating. Try making a mental list of everything you like about your boyfriend. Does he always make you laugh? Is he more tolerant of your grouchiness after work? Does he do nice things for you, like bring you coffee in the morning? If you remember why you're in the relationship, this can quell any feelings of resentment you have. You will be able to feel more empathetic for someone if you remember why you value them. Resentment can build up if you do not communicate regularly. Resentment can destroy empathy, so if something's bothering you, discuss it. Never make assumptions during a conversation. You do not understand why someone behaved the way they did without asking. Do not say, "You just don't care, which is why you never remember to take out the garbage. It's disrespectful." Instead, say, "Is there a reason you're having trouble remembering to take out the garbage?" When your boyfriend talks, listen actively. Do not interrupt. If you need clarification, wait until your boyfriend's done talking and say something like, "I'm not entirely sure what you mean. Could you explain more?" Also, remember to laugh. Miscommunications are inevitable, and facing them with good humor can help reduce tension. If you're in a relationship with someone with ADD/ADHD, a lot of this person's actions can be read the wrong way. If your boyfriend interrupts you in mid-sentence, you may think he's not interested in what you have to say. If your boyfriend is 15 minutes late to a date, you may think he does not care about your time. These are symptoms of ADD/ADHD and do not necessarily speak to your boyfriend's character. It can take a long time for symptoms to be managed properly. There will be struggles along the way. In moments of frustration, say to yourself, "This is his ADHD. This is not him." Remember, you're with this person for a reason. If he's struggling to manage his ADHD/ADD at the moment, this is not a permanent situation. Once symptoms are more under control, you'll be able to focus more on his good qualities.
Learn about the condition. Ask your boyfriend about his experiences. Put yourself in your boyfriend's shoes when you feel frustrated. Keep the positives in mind. Remember to communicate. Separate the symptoms from the person.