TASK DEFINITION: In this task, you must classify if a given review is positive/negative, indicating your answer as P or N.
PROBLEM: i can hear the question already .
what on earth do these two movies have in common ?
to most people , not a lot , except that both are by renowned directors .
as i saw them , however , both movies have flawed romantic scripts wrapped in distinctive packaging of lavish visuals musical numbers .
but oh , how differently the packages affect their films .
while " everyone 's " production numbers make an otherwise ordinary woody tale something special , jane campion 's imaginative visuals only serve to emphasize how pompous and uninvolving laura jones ' script is .
i left " everyone says i love you " not remembering a lot about who loved whom , but its infectious happiness put a grin on my face .
i left " the portrait of a lady " not remembering a lot about who loved whom , and i could have cared less .
" everyone " features nothing allen has n't done before storywise .
woody is again desperately in love with a beautiful woman ( roberts ) , and against the odds they manage to click for awhile before allen is left wondering what went wrong -- again .
similar situations happen to his family and friends .
some of the more outlandish comedy scenes even hark back to his " early , funny " films .
the scenes between tim roth and drew barrymore could have come out of " take the money and run , " his directorial debut .
however , nothing allen has ever done prepared me for this one - of - a - kind display of sheer good spirits .
in fact , in this movie , the feeling itself is what 's most important .
yes , the movie would have been better -- among his very best , i think -- if it had a meatier story .
but what it lacks in substance it makes up for in feeling .
and what better way to express feeling than through music ?
love is often best expressed in a song , and the numbers the cast break into here cut straight to the heart .
some are a tad too goofy , such as the number where a lot of ghosts prance around in a funeral parlor ,
but i admired allen for even putting them in there .
it also helps that as usual , allen has a top - flight cast working with him .
their singing voices range from quite good ( goldie hawn ) to not quite good ( allen ) to literally unlistenable ( barrymore , whose real voice was dubbed by a professional ) .
but while their vocal abilities differ , all the actors do a great job of putting joy up there on the screen , and making it rub off on the audience .
granted , some people will simply never accept characters singing in movies , but for those attuned to it , this film should work wonders .
jane campion , too , has a top - flight cast working for her in " portrait of a lady , " too , but even their considerable skills can do nothing to keep the film from being a stilted , virtually lifeless mess ,
albeit a visually interesting one . campion and her cinematographer stuart dryburgh come up with a great variety of eye - filling images that linger in the mind .
unfortunately , what did n't linger in the mind for me
was the story the visuals were supposed to be reflecting .
i remember very well shots of a train with its light beaming and shots of men vanishing around nicole kidman , but i can remember very little of what happened between all these people .
even worse , i do n't find myself feeling bad that i 've forgotten .
the problem , i think , lies not with the cast , which seemed to be trying very hard for the material .
it was the script that could n't convince me to care about anyone .
the characters were putting out all kinds of emotion , but i found no reason to connect with any of them .
i understood that the story was about cold , emotionally vacant characters , but for me to care about them , i have to identify with them somehow and want them to inject feeling into their lives .
jones ' script never simply gave me that opportunity .
in the end , it almost seemed as if campion was trying to inject some life of her own into the proceedings with her visual flourishes . unfortunately , as she kept painting these dazzling pictures , they only served to push me further away from the material and remind me that there was no connection between me and the film .
in the end , the movie 's one strength ended up hurting it .
so here we have two films with pretty uninteresting plots , and
yet i was able to truly enjoy one of them .
why ?
with both films , my head cared about neither story , but
only " everyone says i love you " was able to make my heart sing .

SOLUTION: P

PROBLEM: here i sit at my computer about to write my review of the recent action comedy " bait " starring jamie foxx and david morse .
this is a review i do n't even want to write because i 'd just be laying the same criticisms on it that i would with any other so - generic - and - predictable - it's - beyond - ridiculous piece of hollywood fluff
.
if they 're not going to give us , the audience , just a little credit and put something together with half a brain , why should i waste my time and mental energy criticising it ?
last summer i took this same approach with my review of " the mummy , " in that review i just quoted phrases my reviews of other sub - par movies .
i think i shall do the same thing here but with a few less quotes ( not all are applicable ) .
i hope this goes to show you what i think of " bait " and why you can find out all you need to know about it without having to take a wild guess .
it 's genuinely unfunny
( i , and the other audience members only laughed once during the entire two hours ) , unoriginal and unthrilling .
it 's not so bad to the point where it 's fun to watch because of its badness
and it 's no so bad you absolute
loathe it and are pained by watching it
, it 's just such a cliche in and of itself , that , uhh . . .
lost my train of thought .
anyways , here 's those quotes , enjoy !
" getting an audience 's attention right from the beginning plays a major role in how today 's films work .
we want to have something exciting to watch , not a slow build - up of a story ( god forbid ! ) , and this film plays right into the mainstream 's hands . . .
" - review of " armageddon .
"
" it 's clear the film does n't want to waste time on reality and thus the attempt to establish plausability ( the most minimal amount necessary ) comes across as a half - assed effort
.
supporting characters and shady sup - plots are introduced , but as is the case with films made up of a large cast of characters , only a handful have any real significance . . .
there 's a fine line separating homage from plagiarism . . . , " - review of " godzilla " ( 1998 )
" unfortunately , as is the case with most modern thrillers , once the film showed potential for authenticity and intelligence , the cliches and action sequences take over , " - review of " the jackal .
" chad'z movie page is back after heavy renovation .
reviews of nearly all mainstream movies playing today !
get my reviews of everything playing at your local cineplex so you can better make an informed decision on what to see .
do n't forget to vote on my poll and sign the guestbook !

SOLUTION: N

PROBLEM: you 've got to love disney .
no matter what they serve up , it is a guaranteed success as long as it 's animated .
kids have to go see the movie .
then they have to get the toys .
oh , the video came out ?
got to buy it , or risk little billy 's temper tantrums for the next month .
all of this culminates in the childhood equivalent of a pilgrimage to mecca : a visit to the magic kingdom .
stay at the disneyland hotel !
buy a disney t - shirt !
eat an ice cream mickey mouse on a stick !
it 's both a vertical and horizontal monopoly when you think about it .
dale carnegie should have had it so good .
what 's most amazing is that all this success is in spite of a severe lack of originality .
you see , disney animated features these days have two components : theme and plot .
the theme changes with each new movie ; the plot does not .
the plot is a mold into which the characters of some ancient fable are dropped , and try as they might to rise above the characters of previous features , they are nearly always destined to do no more than the same .
however , while the success of a disney animated feature is generally a given as far as box - office receipts , merchandising dollars , and glimmers in the eyes of little children , critically they are as varied as anything else that hollywood has to offer .
luckily , disney 's latest animated offering , mulan , manages to be engaging and refreshing , even while rife with formula .
the film starts with the invasion of ancient china by the huns , led by the imposing shan - yu ( miguel ferrer ) .
soon , china 's emperor ( pat morita ) mobilizes his armies and decrees that one male from each family in the country shall serve to fight in china 's defense .
when the fa family is served notice , it is the elderly father , fa zhou
( soon - tek oh ) who must answer the call , as there are no other males in the household .
fearing her father will surely be killed in battle , fa mulan ( ming - na wen ) disguises herself as a man and sneaks off with the royal orders to join the chinese army .
mulan , based on a chinese epic poem , is a classic tale of the triumph of the ugly duckling .
mulan herself is a disgrace to her loving family , as she has a difficult time fitting into the traditional woman 's role , and in a very amusing scene where a matchmaker attempts to assess her value to a potential husband , we see that " grace " is not one of her strong points .
very early on , we are presented with the high importance of bringing honor to one 's family , and by botching her chance at gaining the favor of the matchmaker , mulan fails at that task .
by leaving home to fight in her father 's place , she may not only spare his life , but bring honor , too .
as is the case with most disney musicals , the songs are first rate and pervasive throughout the film .
i 'm not sure if they will get much airplay , but at least one of the songs will no doubt receive recognition come oscar time .
both lea salonga , who provides the singing voice for mulan , and donny osmond who sings for shang , the captain of mulan 's army unit and obligatory love interest ,
are more than competent , although salonga 's voice translates much better to animation .
you have to hear it to understand .
interestingly , the musical numbers which are so often done with big flourishes are surprisingly muted in mulan .
there is no significantly big number , which is customary as the second or third song in a disney film , but this does not detract significantly from the rest of the movie .
it is , however , an expectation which has been built by disney 's own formulaic history , and some viewers may feel as if something is missing .
artistically , the animators have chosen to adopt the more subdued pastels of chinese artwork , and although this may not live up to the vibrance so associated with many of the other disney works , it helps to contribute a more authentic , and therefore more credible , nature to what otherwise may be seen as a typically " disneyfied " ethnic tale .
there are also a couple of visually standout scenes , one involving the charge of shan - yu 's hun army , which utilizes the same computer - enhanced imagery disney animators have employed since the chandelier in beauty and the beast .
the other scene worth mentioning is so quick you might miss it .
when mulan resolves to take her father 's place , she dons her father 's old battle armor , and unsheathes a sword .
as she does so , you can see her reflection in the polished metal .
it just left me thinking ,
" that was really cool . " a wonderful range of performances delight the audience
throughout the film , varying from the straight , such as soon - tek
oh as fa zhou , to the comical , such as harvey fierstein as yao , a gruff , pugilistic member of shang 's conscripted army .
even more outrageous is eddie murphy as mushu , the diminutive guardian dragon sent to look after mulan .
although an obvious attempt to relive the chemistry brought forth by robin williams in aladdin , murphy nevertheless distinguishes himself with his own winning performance .
i found the choice of b .
d .
wong as shang a little strange ( you may remember him as martin short 's wedding planner assistant in the father of the bride ) , but they used robbie benson for the voice of the beast in beauty and the beast , so i guess anything 's possible .
in any event , wong performs admirably as well .
one character which provides a significant amount of humor is grandmother fa .
she deserves recognition not only because of the levity she brings to the movie , but also because she is voiced by two very remarkable people .
june foray , who supplies grandmother fa 's speaking voice , is a venerable voice actress who may be best known for her work as rocky the squirrel and natasha fatale ( as in boris and natasha ) .
marni nixon , who provides grandmother fa 's singing voice , is the same vocalist who dubbed the voices for anna in the king and i , maria in west side story , and eliza in my fair lady .
with this in mind , hearing grandmother fa is like listening to a little piece of history .
mulan is the latest disney animated feature to get away from some of the eurocentrism which for so long dominated disney films .
in an effort to be culturally sensitive ( and to avoid a " miss saigon " -type debacle ) , disney has also wisely chosen to employ many asian - american actors for both lead and supporting roles .
in addition to the actors already mentioned , the cast includes such ubiquitous talents as james hong , gedde watanabe , james shigeta , and george takei .
i guess clyde kusatsu was n't available .
at a running time of slightly under an hour and a half , mulan moves quickly and provides solid entertainment for both children and , happily , adults .
this is the kind of disney feature that makes you wonder what they will do next , rather than hope that the next one is better .

SOLUTION:
P