TASK DEFINITION: In this task, you must classify if a given review is positive/negative, indicating your answer as P or N.
PROBLEM: in some regards , making a movie is like trying to stretch a rubber band as far as you can without breaking it .
try too hard , and it snaps ; but too much reservation means someone else will come along and pull it farther .
in simon birch , director mark steven johnson shows us just how to master the technique
: he takes advantage of caution and poise , but also risks his movie with a few bold steps .
in the end , he 's not only holding an unbroken band , but
he makes the audience appreciate the lengths he went to direct such a fine feature .
there 's no doubt about it : the film that johnson has crafted is rich .
he chooses for his setting the quaint town of gravestown , maine - leaves turn bright orange in the fall , the grass is a lush green , pure white snow falls in the winter , and the sky goes on forever .
the characters continue that turn : our two leads are simon birch ( ian michael smith ) and joe wenteworth ( joseph mazzello ) .
simon is the smallest baby ever born within the records of the local hospital , and by age twelve he 's only two feet tall .
joe is the bastard son of rebecca ( ashley judd ) , and by age twelve he 's ready to know who is father
is .
naturally , the two outcasts become good friends and share many adventures together , from disrupting sunday school to doing community service to playing little league baseball .
in a wonderfully executed performance by ian michael smith , simon birch is convinced that he 's god 's instrument , and there must be a reason he 's so small .
joe does n't quite buy it , but he sticks by simon ; the two tough it out through the worst of times and are each other 's only true friends .
early on , the two meet up with ben goodrich ( oliver platt ) , rebecca 's new boyfriend , and although the bond is n't immediate , ben and the two boys develop a liking for each other . both platt and judd give solid performances that lend their characters a deep likeability
.
the audience cares about them as much as they do about joe and simon , a testament to the acting jobs of both .
finally , jim carrey gives a cameo as the adult joe in the present day , and his few minutes here are relatively more impressive than his entire performance in the truman show .
mark steven johnson 's sense of drama and writing is fantastic
.
the script is loosely based on john irving 's novel , a prayer for owen meany , but it 's so far off the source material that irving actually requested the credits be changed from ' based on ' to ' suggested by . ' along those same lines , it 's almost unfitting to compare the two ; johnson uses tension , humor , atmosphere , and suspense to create an original drama of forrest gumpian proportions .
by no means has he developed a project of similar popularity - gump made over 300 million dollars while birch ought to pass out of sight in a few weeks - but the winning idea remains the same .
simon birch is a different look at a different life , and one that will most likely be studied in film school classes in decades to come
.
in the present , however , it 's an enjoyable little picture that everyone ought to take a look at .

SOLUTION: P

PROBLEM: i wish i could have been in the pitch meeting for this ridiculous notion of a sports film .
i bet it was some hotshot warner brothers agent with an dark armani suit and manicured fingernails saying , " it would be a very light comedic version of any given sunday , and we could throw in the hoosiers angle with the casting of gene hackman as the tough but determined coach .
throw in that hunk of a guy keanu reeves and a cast of wacky characters and poof !
we 'll have a hit on our hands !
" the replacements is a hokey mistake of a football film , a mishmash collage of one - dimensional characters , rampant stereotypes of cultures and races , cliched emotional statements of purpose , and keanu reeves wishing for the matrix sequel to start principal photography .
the story is loosely based around the pro football players ' strike in 1987 and a rag - tag team of replacement football players taking up the reins of professional play for a variety of teams with names like the washington sentinels .
keanu reeves stars as shane falco , a has - been football college player looking for redemption .
gene hackman dons a fedora like tom landry and speaks with gusto like a certain coach in hoosiers .
rounding out the cast includes swingers ' jon favreau , 7-up pitchman orlando jones , gruff owner jack warden , and cast of wacky and unknown actors who do amazing jobs of portraying perfectly stereotyped characters : the drunken welshman , the overweight sumo wrestler , the black convict , the violent cop , and the dumb , dumb cheerleaders .
this bunch of nobodies try to make something of themselves by taking the team to the season playoffs with unbelievable football plays , gene hackman yelling and asking himself where the hell dennis hopper is , keanu reeves looking for his body double making him look good on the football field , and cheerleaders hired from the local strip club making the girls from coyote ugly look like waitresses from denny 's .
the usual things happen like clockwork .
the hero rises from the ashes of failure , the team comes together in unity , the hero falls in love with a conventional love interest , the football games are won with enough schlock value to make the most ignorant of audiences cheer and clap , and the cheerleaders make you want to go home and watch late night movies on cinemax .
it 's also a shame when decent directors with good movies under their belts go to seed and become television and sequel hacks .
howard deutch , who was behind the camera for two of the best films of ' 80s - pretty in pink and some kind of wonderful , has since been doing grumpier old men and caroline in the city episodes .
obviously the problem is that without a good script , any director will fail in the end .
sports films are strong vehicles for cinematic glory , gritty tales involving the honor of men and the valiant efforts taken for the ultimate goal of victory in the face of insurmountable odds , the rise and fall of gallant heroes , and stories of dramatic gusto painted with blood and sweat on the battlefield of life .
the replacements offers none of this .

SOLUTION: N

PROBLEM: capsule :
lesbianism examined in the same hushed and reverential tones reserved for a terminal illness .
potentially interesting idea made stagy and boring .
claire of the moon is such an impossibly serious and sober movie that i was waiting for someone to sneeze , just to break the ice .
it 's a perfect example of what my wife calls an s .
f .
e . movie , where s .
f .
e . means so f
*
* * ing earnest .
movies like this need wit and brashness to be absorbing .
claire is one strained speech after another , written delivered with all of the energy and spontenaity of a dmv clerk .
claire takes two women , claire and noel , both writers , and throws them together in the same cabin at a women - only writer 's retreat .
claire wrights light comedy , while noel is a scholarly authority on porn and sexual behavior .
obviously , the two of them are going to have plenty to talk about , and for the entire one hundred and twelve insufferable minutes of this movie , that 's all they do : talk .
the movie sets up its ( microscopic ) plot with beat - a - dead - horse - into - glue obviousness .
the evening talks at the camp are chaired by a motherly type named maggie , a self - professed lesbian , and when noel owns up to also being a lesbian , claire looks like she 's been hit with a sockful of wet sand .
the movie then quickly degenerates into lots of scenes where noel glances at claire with significance , and claire looks out over the water reflectively .
( ugh ! )
the most amazing thing about the movie is how people so intelligent can talk so much and yet get so little through their thick heads .
all of this , of course , leads up to a scene of complete inevitability :
claire and noel , in a scene that should have come an hour earlier , because then the movie ends without even the benefit of reflection about what 's just happened .
we never get a hint about how any of this has changed anyone , only how they felt about things that did n't even happen yet .
the problem with claire .
.
. is not lesbianism as such , but the leaden way it 's handled .
why is it that any " serious " ( a better word would be adult or at least thoughtful ) examination of sex in a movie
almost always winds up producing a movie that 's unwatchably boring ?
the way this movie deals with lesbianism ,
we might as well be watching an overheated docudrama about aids .
many other movies have used the same subject in ways that are a thousand times better -- more engaging , more creative , more intellectually and artistically interesting .
look at john sayles ' lianna , or the interesting and little - seen desert bloom ; both of them have more life and vibrancy than claire .
what this movie needed was a good swift kick in the pants .

SOLUTION:
N