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In order to manage your emotions, you need to fully understand them. All of us have certain emotional needs that are just as important as our physical needs. Spend some time taking an inventory of the emotional needs that are most important to you. For example, some important emotional needs are feeling in control, feeling respected, and feeling comfort. If your brain feels one of those needs is not being met, that can trigger the negative emotions. Throughout the course of a day, it is normal to go through a wide range of emotions. When things aren't going your way, it is very common to feel anger or irritation. The key is to be able to manage your emotions so that they do not negatively impact your daily life. Knowing the things that trigger negative emotions is an important part of remaining in control. When your brain feels as though it has lost or been deprived of something it needs, the most common emotions are anger, fear, or sadness. Needs are not bad, but it is important to understand your needs and how to manage them. Maybe your boss criticized you for sloppy work on a project. You might feel that you are not being respected, because you spent months creating a great product. Your initial reaction is probably very negative. Take note of this, and remember that not feeling respected is one of your triggers. Once you know your triggers, you can use that to your advantage. When you know that something is triggering a negative emotion, try to shift your focus away from that person or situation. Instead, refocus on something positive in order to help you regain your composure. Perhaps feeling out of control is one of your triggers. When you are in a traffic jam and running late, you are likely to feel frustration and anger. Try to shift your focus. Turn on your favorite CD or have an interesting podcast downloaded for just such an occasion. Shift your focus from the traffic to listening to something you enjoy. Many of us are very critical of ourselves. If you are feeling mad at yourself for not going to the gym all week, shift your focus. Instead, congratulate yourself on getting caught up on much needed housework. When you are experiencing very strong emotions, it can be difficult to think and act rationally. When you are angry or frightened, your body goes into a flight or fight mode, which can cause you to react emotionally instead of logically. This type of response is generally not helpful in professional or social settings, so it is important to learn to calm yourself down when you are experiencing negative emotions. Take deep breaths. Focusing on your breathing will not only shift your focus, but it will help you calm down, physically and emotionally. Breathe in slowly for five counts, then let your breath out slowly for two counts. Repeat this for a few minutes, or as long as needed. Do something repetitive. Repetition can calm your nerves. Try walking, or even rhythmically tapping your feet. Strong emotions can cause you to act impulsively. This is true for both positive and negative feelings, like extreme sadness or happiness. A good way to manage your emotions is to take a time-out before acting when you are feeling intense emotions. Step away from the situation. If you are in a tense meeting at work, suggest that everyone take a five minute break to regroup. If you are having a heated discussion with your partner, calm down before making decisions. Say that you need to take a quick walk around the block before continuing the conversation.
Understand your emotional needs. Know your triggers. Shift your focus. Calm down. Take a time-out.