IN: Review: This movie looked like a classic in the cheesy 80s slasher genre, which is my favorite genre of them all, so when I saw it was Free on Demand, I had to watch it! It stars Caroline Munro, from both Dr. Phibes films (she was his wife that died!), Dracula A.D. 1972, The Golden Voyage of Sinbad, Captain Kronos - Vampire Hunter, The Spy Who Loved Me, Maniac, and Faceless.

Brought to you by the people behind Don't Open Til Christmas and Pieces, Heres my thoughts on this...

It opens on April Fools Day, where a bunch of kids play an elaborate prank on the school nerd- promising him sex in the shower, and giving him public humiliation and a face in the toilet (all while hes naked!). The coach puts a stop to it, but both parties swear revenge. But, the cool kids end up burning the nerd alive.

Cut to the future, and its th High School reunion, or so they think (bwahahha?). The only ones with invitations were the gang who burned the kid, and its April Fools Day (or really, the day before April Fools, but the fun starts at midnight), yet they fail to see the coincidence and hang out in front of the school until nightfall. Then they finally break into the school and it starts storming.

Inside they find food/drink and a little shrine for each of them, each of their lockers and belongings, along with Marty's (the nerds) locker and yearbook. They also find the old black janitor/caretaker who spends his time saying "Oooh yesser! Yesser! I don't want no trouble, sir!" and then is killed instantly. Pretty pointless character, but hes still my favorite.

The movie takes a page out of Alien's book, in a deliciously gory way that you just have to see! Thats when everyone realizes that they're there to die, and they start freaking out, except for Shirley, who decides it would be best to take a bath in the old school showers at a time like this. Of course, it pours out blood and acid and her face melts off (very cool, mind you) The rest of the night goes as usual, sex, drugs, and Marty killing everyone whilst wearing a jester mask.. Whats their plan? "All we have to do is stay awake and wait till noon. Marty wont kill us during mid-day!". Seriously, thats what he said. Apparently you can only kill at nighttime. But will they survive through the night? Who will live and who will die? And why are all the bodies disappearing? Rent, buy, or steal this great movie to find out! The movie is actually very good, filled with cliches (car wont start, DAMMIT!) and just plain slasher fun. Not to mention they all have names like Carol and Nany and Frank and Joe and Susan. I recommend it to all of you! And, not to mention, it has a Spin Off! 1989's Cutting Class is a spin-off from this slasher gem, and that movie starts the career of Brad Pitt and Roddy McDowell.

Favorite scene: 2 people having sex, the guy wants to finish but the girl doesn't. "Talk dirty to me, Frank!!" she screams "Uh... tits!" "DIRTIER!" "Uh... tits. F*ck. tits. Boobs. F*ck.". It seems to work for her and at her climax, the killer electrocutes them both!
What is this review like?
OUT: positive

IN: Review: How this film could miss so many of the fascinating, complex and mysterious aspects of the original story or the original movie is truly remarkable. An unbelievably thin and unengaging plot, ankle-deep characterisation/motivation and a really awful soundtrack (replacing tension with vast swathes of noise, replacing the arcane musical references of the original for digitised crashes and roars. Then there are the specific references to the original which are merely "plastered on" over the cracks... Dreadful. In a world where gormless, brain-dead Amerikan remakes of The Italian Job (a tear appears), Get Carter (sobs uncontrollably) and Alfie have desecrated our screens recently, this one takes the proverbial biscuit. Execrable nonsense. How Ellen Burstyn ever got involved is a wonder... Rubbish.
What is this review like?
OUT: negative

IN: Review: German nut case Jorg Buttgereit apparently has fans - but I don't know why, and I'm Definitely not one of them! The only Buttgereit film I'd seen previously was Nekromantik and I hated every minute of it, but - shockingly - this film is worse! Der Todesking is pointless in the same way as Nekromantik, but it's a worse film because it's boring in a way that few movies have ever managed (it's not far off The Blair Witch Project, seriously). Some people say that this film is 'sick' and 'shocking', but it really isn't. The director may have been making a point about death, but only he knows what it is. How anyone could watch this film and be anything other than bored with it is completely beyond me. The film revolves around the theme of suicide, and follows the deaths of seven different people over the course of a week. Yes, that means we have a pointless and boring episode for Monday, a pointless and boring episode for Tuesday, a pointless and boring episode for Wednesday etc etc. This film manages to be even more boring than my average week!

Der Todesking is apparently an 'art' film, although this would appear to be a reference to the way that not very much makes sense rather than a reference to the film bearing any resemblance to 'art'. Each segment of the film is meant to tell a separate story - but it doesn't! We just get a quick little sketch on suicide, and it only makes you wonder what the point is. The film feels like it should be deep, but there's a great big void where the intelligence should be and nothing there to fill it. Buttgereit uses a few evocative images; but I'm unlikely to remember any of them for more than a week or so because this film just isn't that memorable. There's a shot involving a decomposing man's body that features fairly often, but that gets old pretty quick and all you're left with is the rest of the film, which is unfortunate. If I were to struggle for good things to say about this crap, all I can think of is this; the title sounds cool. As I mentioned, Nekromantik is the only other film I've seen from this amateur director; I have copies of Schramm and Nekromantik 2, and now I'm really in no rush to watch either. Der Todesking is a dull film with no point and anyone that calls it 'art' is very much mistaken. Give it a miss.
What is this review like?
OUT:
negative