Problem: What would be an example of an positive review?

Answer: What is up with that smell? Are you guys pumping perfume through the vents? That shit was choking me all night. I guess it was worth the $400 I took from you. The cafe is decent. It's way over-priced, but the servings can fill two people. I didn't stay here, but my friend did and his rooms were pretty nice, but he's rich, so whatever.

Problem: What would be an example of an positive review?

Answer: As anyone who reads my reviews, whether you like them or not, you realize I have two passions, corned beef and pizza. I knew I wasn't going to go here for the pizza, but from their menu, I thought I had a good shot at getting a decent hot corned beef on rye with mustard. Wrong. I have ordered a lot of items from Chompie's, the majority of them very good, which is why I gave them 4 stars. They are unique, their menu items are novel and I enjoy the variety. Where they fail, oddly enough is in the basic deli items. Their corned beef was not as tender as it could be. It was not sliced thin, there was not enough fat. Mo H remarked how good the pickles were? Really? I felt they were too soft, and not tart enough, although I do prefer a half sour. Where Chompie's hits the mark is with their unique menu items. You must try the "Jewish sliders." This is basically a shabbas meal put on a challah bun. Brilliant. The brisket is amazing. So tender, like butter, the potato pancake is perfect, I don't know why they add cheese, but I would ask them to refrain. It is terrific. Their matzoh ball soup is one of the best I have had. The broth is superb. Not too chickeny, although the cup contains a bounty of carrots and celery, the soup is not overpowered in their flavor. The matzoh ball has the perfect density. If you are in for breakfast, try the breakfast skins, but make sure you have about 8 people with you to eat these. Another novel take on something which has become so common, potato skins. Who would have thought about taking a bagel, topping it with scrambled eggs, potatoes, cheese, onions, sour cream. It works, and it is delicious. These are the kinds of menu items Chompie's does right. Unfortunately, the corned beef sucks. Don't leave without buying from the bakery. It is not the best bakery in the world. Canters in LA does better cookies, White Plains bake shop puts everyone else to shame with the cakes, but for Scottsdale, AZ, the black and white cookies are pretty good.

Problem: What would be an example of an negative review?

Answer:
These pizzas used to be really good. Great sauce and a nice thin crust. Now the sauce has no taste and the crust is thick and doughy. Can't tell the difference between the box and the pizza. Pass on this one Wal Mart has a better pizza in the frozen aisle.