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Use love to sidestep perfectionism. Discover that love keeps no records of wrong, although it does have healthy boundaries. Love even though you may lose.
Love is often referred to as being "blind". This adage exists because it connotes acceptance of a person in spite of imperfections. Love is a realization that no one is perfect, and allows you to love someone for his or her flaws and shortcomings. Love motivates you to look for the good in a person and to encourage improvement. When you expect too much and your expectations aren't met, you feel disappointed. Avoid such disappointments by being resilient and flexible with your loved ones. On the other hand, counterfeit love concentrates too much on flaws and failures, turning them into a reason to control, berate or be unkind toward another person. Counterfeit love is often conditional on a person behaving in a certain way. Seeking perfectionism in yourself and your relationships is like chasing the pot of gold at the end of the rainbowit's never attainable. Healthy love is about setting boundaries to protect your relationships and yourself. Healthy love begins with self-love (not self-absorption) and radiates from loving yourself. Healthy love also learns to forgive and move forward, in the realization that harboring resentment is like holding a hot coal of angeryou are the only one who gets burned. Forgiveness is a big part of loving others, as is making it clear to people where your limits lay. It's not wrong or unloving to stand up to disrespect; it's a healthy sign of self-respect and setting boundaries for others to learn from. On the other hand, counterfeit love does keep score, with a person frequently returning to occasions when he or she felt you hurt or upset his or her feelings. This scorekeeping can reach back years in the relationships of some people, with bitterness and resentment the only thing keeping people close. Such unhealthy love never learns forgiveness and results in "lovers" with little to no self-esteem. Love never fails, even you feel like it has. Breakups (whether it's a romantic, workplace, business, friendship, etc.) can really hurt. Yet, love is worth the effort, even in those times when loss hurts you. For, as Alfred Lord Tennyson put it, Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Love is therefore also about experience. You cannot shut yourself off from the rest of the world, no matter how afraid you are of loss. By opening yourself up to the amazing possibilities of love, you open yourself up to all the beauty and wonder of the world too. Sometimes it won't work but on the law of averages, you'll experience more love than loss, especially if you don't tie down your notion of love to simple romantic love but embrace love as a way of being and thinking in all walks of your life.