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Touch is a universal language, and the very first one for humans. If a loved one is going through a tough time, offer your touch and give this person a big hug. It may sound simple but for someone who is distressed, afraid or upset, warm touch can be soothing and even calm cardiovascular stress. As a result of a lowered stress response, research shows that hugging your friend can reduce her susceptibility to sickness. Ask first to be sure hugging is an appropriate way to comfort your friend; some people do not like such physical gestures. Hold your friend close and rub her back. If she cries, let her cry into you. If you notice that your loved one seems to be trying hard to hold back what she is feeling, tell her it's okay to show emotion. Many people feel guilty about expressing negative emotions. Others fear that they will be judged for not "keeping it together". Tell your friend that you want her to feel whatever she's feeling, and that you won't judge her for it. Say something like "It looks like you are having a hard time right now, and I want you to know that I'm here to listen if you want to vent" or "If you need to cry, you go right ahead". Psychologists insist that experiencing negative emotions is just as important as feeling positive states. Negative feelings teach us so much about the natural ups and downs of life. Therefore, expressing negative feelings, as opposed to suppressing them, can be instrumental to overall mental health. Your friend may want to lounge around all day watching reality TV or thumbing through gossip magazines. Your friend may want to talk about what's bothering her, or she may want to talk about everything but that. She may want to go shopping, or simply take a nap. Plot out a few hours of distraction-free time to focus entirely on your hurting friend. Don't come with a specific agenda; just be present. Your friend may not feel up to doing anything or may feel overwhelmed about making any decisions. But, it's smart to have a few ideas ready in case she wants to do something. If you know a certain thing tends to bring a smile to your friend's face, bring it to cheer her up. Understand that she may not feel any better because of this, but she will recognize that you are trying to make her feel better and likely appreciate the gesture. For example, you might bring over a comfy blanket for your friend to curl up under, a pleasant distraction in the form of a boxed set of your favorite DVDs (if she feels like watching), or a half-gallon of her favorite ice cream to share as she vents to you. If your friend is grieving or upset, she may not have had the energy to tidy up the house, pick up groceries, or take her dog out for a walk. Step forward to complete chores or errands like these, and you could remove additional stress for your friend. In addition, think practically and bring necessities that your friend and/or family may need during this time of need. Or, you can call over and ask "I know with all that's going on, you probably haven't had time to get groceries or household items. What can I bring you from the store?" List items might include disposable plates and napkins if they will be entertaining visitors as well as facial tissues and herbal tea like chamomile.
Give a hug, if that's okay. Encourage the person to express emotion. Offer to spend time doing whatever. Bring over a pick-me-up. Be helpful.