Article: Rehearse difficult conversations prior to having them, as this will help your auto-pilot to kick in if your emotions get the better of you. Look back over your list of reasons, think through the ways in which you could have done things differently, and find solutions for your future way forward. Then prepare some notes in your head, or on paper even, as to what you'll say when you talk to the other person again. Keep the following things in mind: Be prepared to take responsibility for what you did. It's a good idea to elaborate on what you did wrong at the outset and to accept that you did the wrong thing. This sets the tone of remorse for the rest of the conversation. You can start simply with "I an sorry I hurt you. I was wrong to... think/say/do, etc.". Acknowledging their hurt will go a long way to easing tensions. Realize that if this is not the first time you've hurt someone else, and the other person has heard your apologies before, that a mere "sorry" won't cut it. Sorry can be too easy a word to utter when it's not backed up by real change. Think about how you will make it clear that you really do express sincere and genuine regret when you promise never to act this way again or to repeat your mistake. While it might be possible to make amends by email or telephone, it is far better to meet in person to make amends. This displays a willingness on your behalf to be near the person again and to make direct, meaningful contact with them. If you are seeking to make amends with family members whom you have not seen for a long time, consider meeting them on neutral territory rather than in one another's homes. This will remove any usual tensions that being on one's own territory can raise. If you can't meet in person, consider writing a letter rather than typing one or emailing. It's far more personal to put your pen to paper and to express your feelings in your own handwriting. Tell the other person that you wish to make amends for your mistake and start your discussion with them, drawing on what you're already rehearsed and the feelings you've worked through. Keep in mind the following: Aim to leave this discussion on making amends with a stronger relationship than before your mistake. If you head into it with this state of mind, that you really care to re-establish your connection with this person and want things to be not only as good as they were once, but better, then you're off to a great start. Watch your body language, tone of voice, stance, and attitude. If you are truly sorry, all of these elements should help to convey your genuine apology. Eye contact is an important sign that you mean what you're saying and not avoiding them, or the truths of the wrongdoing. Avoid using "you" statements; always refer to "I feel", "I think", "I believe", "I thought I", etc. It's not their wrongdoing up for discussion. Avoid adding in little lines about feeling justified. That puts you right back into combat mode. and to the point. A long apology will start to ramble and double back on itself. Make your points clearly, sweetly, and effectively. Neither of you want to be hanging around all day suffering this level of discomfort. Avoid making assumptions about their feelings or perspective. While you have tried to stand in their shoes if you followed the suggested step above, you have still done this using your own knowledge and understanding of the world. Grant them the space, time, and freedom to air their grievances, and pick up your cues from here. Even if you feel that some of their perceptions of the situation are inaccurate, it doesn't help matters to tell them they don't have a good reason to feel the way they feel. Expressing your genuine regret will mean a lot more if you provide measurable promises to change, and act on them. Start by offering ways to provide restitution. For example, if you broke something, offer to buy a new something; if you called a person terrible things, give them a long list of all their positive attributes and explain that you felt jealous of their accomplishments; if you ruined an event for them, offer to stage another one to make up for it. Whether it is money, time, or attention that you took from someone, do what you can to give it back. Explain the ways in which you intend to make changes to your own behavior. If there are any demonstrable ways you can use to back up this promise of change, use them. For example, you might tell the other person that you'll never ride an ATV again since the accident you had that killed the other person's prize sheep, and show them the advertisement for the vehicle's sale. Be very honest in telling the other person what you have learned from this experience. This helps the other person to realize that you truly did learn a lesson, that you are contrite, and how effective a lesson it was. If needed, you might also consider going so far as to provide an out for the other person should you fail to keep your promise this is a last resort approach and its effectiveness will really depend on the extent and depth of your mistake. For example, you might say "If I break this promise to you, you are free to sell my Star Trek collection." If they offer realistic responses, this can provide a good pathway to reconnecting. This option won't always be an appropriate one, so consider the context of the mistake. Be especially careful if you're worried that the other person might take this as a chance to behave manipulatively you're here to make amends, not become their eternal slave.
What is a summary of what this article is about?
Decide what to say. Meet with the person face-to-face. Begin your apology. Keep it simple Give the other person time to vent. Back up your words with actions. Ask the other person how they feel amends would be best made.