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Changing a behavior you have built up overtime takes a lot of time and persistence. Remember that change is a process that is not always linear. Don't be afraid to go back to the beginning and re-assess your behavior. At the same time, don't be hard on yourself if you find yourself unsuccessful on your first attempt. The more you practice and work through your passive aggressive tendencies, the more likely you are to successfully change your behavior. If you find yourself getting off track in your attempts to change passive-aggressive behavior, take a moment to pause and reflect on what is happening. If you want to stop acting passive aggressive, you may be wondering what your other options are. A healthier form of communication is known as "assertive" communication. Assertive communication is a healthy, respectful way to address and confront the person or situation that is causing you to become angry. It involves speaking your mind when you are angry but maintaining respect for the other people around you. Part of assertive communication is acknowledging that your needs as well as the needs of the other person (or people) involved are important. This takes the focus off of you and shows that you are appreciative of the needs of others. Using "please" and "thank you" can go a long way towards seeming respectful of another. Treat the other party with respect, acknowledging that they have a side to the story as well. Remember to think of any actions you would like the other party to take as requests, not demands. This will help you word your request appropriately. It is important that you are specific and that you do your best to stick to the actual facts. While you do want to provide factual information, it is okay to include the way that you feel when you are expressing your anger. You can emphasize words like "I feel like" or "it makes me feel," which may help prevent the other party from becoming defensive. Ideally, you and the party to whom you are expressing your feelings can collaborate on a solution to the problem that is making you angry. Unfortunately, you cannot control the actions of others, and you may need to seek a solution on your own. For example, you and your neighbor may brainstorm ways to keep the dog in check, such as keeping him on a leash or in a fence. If, however, the neighbor refuses to cooperate, you might have to come up with a solution on your own, such as fencing in your own yard. Communication is just as much about listening and reading unspoken messages as it is about speaking openly and directly. Consider what the other person is saying or not saying in response to your own words or actions. Remember that conversations are 2-sided and that you are speaking with another human who also has thoughts and feelings. Disagreements are not uncommon. Some of the confrontations you encounter may not be conflicts but rather misunderstandings. You usually are not in any danger if you can defuse your anger and make your discussions constructive and positive. It's possible to agreeably disagree and be able to work out compromises that bring "win-win" results to both parties involved. In this way, you are taking control instead of allowing passive aggressive behavior to send issues out of control.
Give yourself time to change. Learn about assertive communication. Emphasize that both parties' needs are important. Use respect when communicating. Be clear and specific with requests. Express your feelings. Seek a solution to the problem. Listen and observe. Accept that conflicts are okay.