Problem: What would be an example of an negative review?

Answer: The good: large selection. The bad: the crazy high prices, missing price labels, inconvenient location. It's come to the point that I avoid this place if I can. Aldi's is better for the basics and Pearl Market in the Strip district has better produce for 4x cheaper than this place.

Problem: What would be an example of an positive review?

Answer: "Valley institution" is a code phrase. It means the restaurant dates from an era when Phoenix and environs were small towns in the middle of nowhere, back in the day when the middle if nowhere didn't have the same chains as everywhere else. If you moved here from a larger, more established metro area, a Valley institutions are distinctly eat-at-your-own-risk. I like this one because it's one of the few places on Mill Avenue that isn't some sort of "scene." There are times when I do not feel hipsterish or sophisticated or possessed of sufficient humor to eat fried food served by scantily clad young women (which describes a lot of bistros here, not just Hooters). I want food put in front of me in decent quiet by servers who stay off my lawn. This restaurant does that. Chips were admittedly undistinguished and served with traditional Phoenix-style salsa (translation: mild and stewed). My chorizo con huevos, however, were hot and delicious. The tortillas are super tortillas engineered at a top-secret location and well worth the security clearance. The refried beans are also truly fine. My margarita existed. There are plenty of bars Mill. Go to one of those if you want your margarita to be other than an aid to digestion. Service is friendly, unobtrusive, and fully clad. My shattered nerves are repaired. I left feeling like I'd wandered into a nice abuelita's kitchen and emerged properly nourished.

Problem: What would be an example of an negative review?

Answer:
Not a good experience at all. I used to stay here when it was the Hilton and I was expecting Hilton quality. Now that it's under new ownership, I'm very disappointed. It started when we were checking in. I've never seen a line that long to check in before. Took about 30 minutes. When we finally got up to the counter, the receptionist claimed they couldn't find my reservation. Although I made the reservation through a Bloomspot deal, it should have been booked. She said she found it for a future date, which would have been impossible since I was simply checking rates for that date, not reserving. It was only after 20 minutes of back and forth and showing her my confirmation e-mail from Bloomspot and my receipt that they indeed took the money for the reservation via my Paypal account that they suddenly "found it", and I only owed the tax. We stayed on the 7th floor of the North Tower. There are 4 elevators but I swear only 2 are functional. The floor is supposed to be non-smoking but there was a heavy smell of smoke coming from the hallway. We passed by a room service cart outside of a room, where dirty plates and a condom wrapper were waiting for a housekeeper to wheel it away. That was at 5pm. That same cart was outside the room at 11pm, sans condom wrapper....o....k.... We got in our room, which was okay. The sheets were clean and so was the bathroom. The toilet had issues, where if someone in the next room over was showering, you couldn't flush until they were finished. We heard when everyone washed their hands, showered, or tinkled in our neighboring rooms, the plumbing was that loud. The water pressure for the sink and shower sucked also. Our TV may have been flat screen, but the quality was poor and we constantly had issues with it. About an hour after we checked in, our phone rang. It was Security, stating a previous guest may have left her glasses in one of the cabinet. After checking every nook and cranny in the room, we let him know that the glasses were nowhere to be found. The following morning, while my husband and I were sleeping in, our phone rang. It was another Security person, stating the exact same thing, and half-heartedly added "sorry if I woke you". I informed him that one of his colleagues already called, and, again, there were no glasses in the room. House keeping stayed on our floor for what seemed like all day. Since we stayed in the room most of the day, we heard/saw them. The room directly across from us was being "cleaned" from 4pm to 7pm. I heard a lot more chatter than cleaning. That night, around 2am, thankfully my husband and I were still awake. Someone knocked on our door. We knew we couldn't have been loud because we were only watching TV. After my husband asked who was at the door, it was someone saying they were bringing us towels. WE DIDN'T ORDER ANY TOWELS, AND CERTAINLY NOT AT 2AM. When my husband told the guy this, he said he looked thoroughly confused, but finally walked away. Checkout time, finally. Let's get out of here. Express checkout? You bet. Let's blow this Popsicle stand. Oh, what's that? Sir, you've been waiting for the elevator for 15 mins? 3 other elevators came in the span of another 15 minutes (not even exaggerating), which were all full. We got fed up and walked to the Central tower elevators, which came immediately and only had 2 people on it. Unbelievable. I wish I would have read the Foursquare tips saying how much of a dump this place was (seriously, dump was in every single tip except 1) before I was already standing in that long line. Sure, they gave me a free bottle of Chardonnay and $10 free slot play, but it just was too little too late. Never again.