Summarize:

There are a lot of cliches that people use when other people are going through hard times, and more often than not these common responses just feel insincere or painful to the recipient. Examples of what not to say include: "God will never give you more than you can handle," or its even-worse variation, "This is God's will." Sometimes well meaning people of faith say this phrase, and they may truly believe it, but it can feel very harsh to the recipient, especially if she is experiencing something that is very difficult or overwhelming. Also, the person may not believe in God. "I know how you feel." Sometimes people say this phrase to others who are going through hard times, and while its true that everyone has experienced trials in life, it's impossible to know how someone else is feeling. This phrase is even worse if its accompanied by personal anecdotes that really don't match the intensity of what the sufferer is experiencing. For example, if someone is facing the loss of a limb, don't equate it to the time that you broke your arm. It's not the same thing. However, if you have truly had an experience that is on par with the experience the sufferer is going through, it's ok to talk about and say "I've been through something similar." You'll be ok." This is a common phrase when people don't know what to say, and we often say it more as a wish than a statement of fact. In fact, you don't know if someone will be ok, and in many cases of chronic or terminal illness, the person will NOT be ok. They may die, or be condemned to a life of physical suffering. Saying they will be ok minimizes the experience they are having. "At least..." Don't minimize the person's suffering by suggesting they should be thankful that their situation isn't worse. In particular, avoid discussing minor health issues such as a headache or a cold. This can vary depending on your relationship with the person and the length of their illness. If they are chronically ill, or a very close confidant, it is more likely to be appropriate to discuss things that you're going through. While its true that its important to be sensitive to the feelings of someone who is sick, sometimes we overcompensate for our fear of doing the wrong thing by doing nothing at all. Its better to stick your foot in your mouth and apologize than it is to just ignore your sick friend altogether. If you do mess up and say something insensitive, just say, "I don't know why I said that. I really don't know what to say. This situation is just very hard." Your friend will understand. Try to pay attention to your friend's cues so that you don't visit too frequently or overstay your welcome. When someone is extremely sick especially, it can be very difficult to carry on a conversation and they won't want to offend you so may over-tax themselves by trying to please you. If your friend seems distracted by television or her phone, or seems like she is struggling to fall asleep, those might be signs that she is growing tired of the visit. Don't take it personally! Just remember she is dealing with lot, both physically and emotionally, and it can be taxing. Be mindful of the time, and be sure that you don't extend your stay into mealtimes or other times that your friend may need to be alone. Ask if your friend would like you to pick up some food for them or cook them a meal if you plan to visit during mealtime.
Watch out for common faux pas. Don't complain about your own health problems. Don't let fear of doing the wrong thing keep you from doing anything at all. Be considerate.