Article: If you're a renter or selling your home, and you know you'll be leaving the neighborhood soon, you might just want to set boundaries (for instance by telling your neighbor "Sorry, I don't have time to chat!") and not actually get into a discussion about their behavior. Matters are a bit more complicated if you and your neighbor are both homeowners or long-term renters. You should confront them about your discomfort instead of trying to spare their feelings or let tensions mount. If you've politely given hints or tried to avoid them with no luck, you might have to have a face-to-face conversation with them. You should make your feelings clear as soon as you notice an issue developing. Delaying a calm, firm conversation will only encourage their intrusive behavior. You might feel the urge to just be nice and spare their feelings, but letting tensions mount could result in a bigger issue in the future. Further, if you lead them to believe their behavior is fine, you'll end up hurting their feelings more when you finally make your feelings known. You should be clear and honest with your neighbors about any issues. Be respectful and polite, but try not to sugarcoat your point too much. Try saying, "You are a warm, nice person. I know you're being friendly, and I hope you don't find me rude, but I'm just not very social." If you'd like, you could add something like, "My schedule is just so tight right now, and I have so many responsibilities to juggle. I find our chats pleasant, but they always seem to make me run late!" If you live with a spouse or roommate, talk to them about how to handle your overly friendly neighbor. Come up with a strategy and make sure you both follow through with it. In any case, make sure you and your spouse or roommate are a united front. Sending mixed signals will only aggravate the situation. For example, if your neighbor follows you to your door and tries to come in, you could say, "My roommate and I have a 'call ahead' policy we really don't like people dropping by." Try explaining to them that, in your experience, good fences make good neighbors. Tell them that you'd like to have an amicable relationship and look out for each other's property, but aren't comfortable with anything more. Try saying, "I've become close with neighbors in the past, but ended up having a terrible disagreement that's made me wary of getting too close to my neighbors. I hope you aren't insulted, and I mean no offense, but I think it's best to keep some boundaries." You might like that your friendly neighborhood gossip lets you know about fascinating local news. However, keep your conversations brief, and stick to inoffensive topics. You should ask them not to talk badly about your other neighbors if they start to make things too personal. If they start putting someone down, try changing the subject or find an excuse to leave. If they ask you about your business or for your opinion on someone else, just let them know you're not friendly enough with them to share your or anyone else's secrets. Calmly say, "I really don't like talking badly about other people, especially neighbors." It's nice when a neighbor bakes you a pie every now and then, but an overly friendly neighbor might try to make it a daily or weekly ritual. They might also try to make you feel obligated to return the favor. If it becomes a problem, express your gratitude, but make it clear you want them to stop. Suppose your neighbor starts bringing over food every few days, and you're tired of it. Tell them, "You know, I really have to start making my own food! I just can't accept any more of yours." You could try to be polite and say, "I don't want to put you out or burden you." If they persist, respond by saying, "I really hate to say it, but it'll probably just go to waste. I really appreciate it, but we don't eat many sweets (or whichever items they prepare)." You could also try suggesting a local charity, like a religious organization or soup kitchen, that would welcome their baking or cooking skills.
What is a summary of what this article is about?
Consider how long you'll be neighbors. Confront them sooner rather than later. Be firm and honest about how they make you feel. Act as a united front if you're married or have a roommate. Explain the kind of neighborly relationship you desire. Confront your neighbor who gossips. Stop your neighbor from bringing over food.