TASK DEFINITION: In this task, you must classify if a given review is positive/negative, indicating your answer as P or N.
PROBLEM: this film is extraordinarily horrendous and i 'm not going to waste any more words on it .

SOLUTION: N

PROBLEM: phew , what a mess ! for his fifth collaboration with director
rich- ard donner ( lethal weapon i - iii , maverick )
, mel gibson plays a motormouth , maybe mentally ill new york city cabbie , jerry , whose wild conspiracy theories are all but ignored by alice ( julia roberts , acting all serious ) , the justice department employee that he has a crush on .
she not interested , but another person is : a cia psychiatrist ( patrick stewart ) who promptly kidnaps him .
is one of jerry 's conjectures correct ?
* is * the metal strip in the new $ 100 bill being used to track your movements ?
is oliver stone still alive , because he cut a deal with george bush to spread * dis * information ?
is this movie really about
* any * of the crazed cabbie 's theories ?
no , no ,
and no . as it turns out
, there 's some other nonsense going on here , involving and revolving around jerry 's background .
( hint : pay attention to an early scene where jerry blacks out and flashes back , in quick succession , to images of an interrogation room , hypodermic needles , and ms .
roberts herself . )
the * initial * premise is pretty good and is played , for a while , at a delightfully dizzying clip .
mel is wider - open that we 've ever seen him and , if his character 's relationship with roberts ' initially strains credibility , their combined star power is blissfully intoxicating .
( the highest wattage of the summer , perhaps ? )
even when the plot contrivances begin to intrude , the two remain a randy dandy screen pair .
there 's a great scene in jerry 's fortress , er , apartment , with alice trying to act casual as her hyperactive host tries to remember the combination to a locked coffee bean container .
( which he stores in another locked con- tainer , his fridge . )
other hilarious moments , of which there are many , include a trio of memorable convention - breakers , where alice ditches a tail , jerry cold - cocks someone , and , later , eludes a foot pursuit , each in a uproariously unexpected fashion .
( that 's donner 's own ladyhawke playing in the theater , btw . )
let 's see , other pleasures include .
. .
a brilliant title sequence , a jazzy score from carter burwell , and the worth - paying - to - see sight of roberts pumping lead into one bad guy and slamming another 's head into a wall .
oh , pretty woman !
getting to the latter , however , requires slogging through an increasingly overburdened and ultimately unappealing story .
the last hour of conspiracy theory devolves from tolerable to torturous to almost unwatchable .
more stuff happens of the stupid shit variety than is worth mentioning here , except , perhaps , for a late sequence that has alice locating jerry in an abandoned wing of a mental hospital by hearing his voice carrying through the air ducts .
and here i thought it was wabbit season .
good god , who rewrites these movies ? and
do they arrive in nondescript black vehicles ?

SOLUTION: N

PROBLEM: as the twin surfer dudes , stew and phil deedle , lay bandaged and unconscious in the hospital , phil comes to first and chooses the coolest way to wake his brother .
yanking out his iv , he uses it like a water pistol to soak his brother 's face .
this bit of lame physical humor is typical of disney 's meet the deedles ,
a movie more to be endured that watched .
( i stopped looking at my wife during the screening , since every time i did , she 'd start sticking her finger in her throat .
and she 's right
, it is that bad . ) directed without any imagination by steve boyum , whose long background in film is mainly in stunts and in second unit direction ,
the film limps along at best .
boyum attempts to keep the pace moving by staging stunts , stunts and more stunts .
amazingly for someone with his background
, he seems incapable of finding any fresh ones , and we have a car go off the road five different times -- maybe more .
but who 's counting ?
and then there is the script by james herzfeld ,
whose only other film , tapeheads from a decade ago , was so awful that it is considered a cult classic .
meet the deedles , however , is painfully bad rather than laughably bad .
it will probably be in and out of the theaters like a tornado and is in no danger of becoming a classic anything .
herzfeld treats us to gratingly abysmal dialog that includes "
your geyser 's a geezer , " and " i 'd like to put a deedle in her haystack .
"
as the movie opens , the twins , who at one point describe themselves modestly as " a walking kodak moment , " are celebrating their 18th birthday .
as they ride a parasail high above the waters of waikiki , a truant officer pursues them on his jet ski .
as heirs to the fabulous fortune of the deedle empire , the boys are sent by their father to camp broken spirit at yellowstone to transform the two laid - back beach bums into men .
as they arrive in their wetsuits in yellowstone , they 've got their surfboards , skateboards , and a hawaiian drink machine the size of an armoire .
their camp has gone out of business , but they are mistaken for new park rangers .
the rest of the movie has them fighting the park 's overpopulation of prairie dogs as well as a deranged ex - ranger , played by dennis hopper , who is out to stop old faithful before its billionth birthday celebration , scheduled for later in the week .
hopper , who has made some wonderful movies , carried away being a recent favorite , does have a propensity for choosing some truly odoriferous material .
this is n't his worst acting , but meet the deedles is arguably the worst movie he 's ever been in .
steve van wormer and paul walker , as stew and phil , give lifeless performances .
the only actor in the movie with any demonstrable talent is a cute little prairie dog named petey .
even the cinematography by david hennings is so prosaic that it manages to make yellowstone look dull .
to add insult to injury , hennings is fond of inappropriate close - ups , which only serve to remind us of the inanity of the dialog . put a ten - foot pair of lips on the screen , and you naturally pay extra attention to what is said .
although boyum says in the notes that he is proud that his film is appropriate for families , one wonders how many skateboarders will attempt the movie 's stunt of lying on your back on a skateboard while negotiating a busy and twisting mountain road .
they make it look like so much fun that i 'm sure many will try some variation of the stunt .
"
how could this possibly be worst , " asks phil .
just when you suspect it ca n't ,
the movie takes a turn further downhill .
its low point may have you looking for an airline barf bag .
after phil 's girlfriend digs up a big mount of moist soil , they suck in a long worm .
like the two dog lovers eating spaghetti in lady and the tramp , their lips finally meet in a kiss .
as they pull back , their faces are full of the dirt that encased the worm they have just ingested .
meet the deedles runs about an hour and a half .
it is rated pg for a little bathroom humor and would be acceptable for kids around 6 and up .
my son jeffrey and his friend nickolas , both almost 9 , gave the show
*
* * .
they both thought the scenes with petey were among their favorites .
nickolas also mentioned the scene in which the circus bear drives a jeep , and jeffrey especially liked the one in which the circus elephant was referred to as dumbo .

SOLUTION:
N