Problem: Write a positive movie review.

Answer: Although time has revealed how some of the effects were done this story of love and adventure still is special.

If you've never seen this film before you'll be shocked at how much has been stolen by later film makers. I was watching this with a friend who was amazed at how much Disney's Aladdin cribbed from the film. They loved the movie and enjoyed that it was such a touchstone for so many other films and film makers.

I've given the film an 8 out of 10 instead of a 10 out of ten, which is where a good portion of this film dwells, because in the final 15 minutes the film falls apart in the pacing. Everything is rushed as if they has to suddenly get to the end. From the point from the departure of the djinn to the end it appears to be more sketch then finished painting. It doesn't kill the film, but it does weaken it.

Still its required viewing for anyone who loves a good fairy tale, or even a great movie.

Problem: Write a negative movie review.

Answer: Being that I loved the original "Caligula" even with all its flaws, I have to say this remake trailer was abysmal.

Listening to Jovovich say in that lazy American accent "Mmm cuhligyooluh..." makes me feel sick. The set doesn't look Roman at all... it looks like some rich actor's Hollywood mansion backyard, and the Roman costumes look like cheap crap you buy at a suburban costume shop.

That "charming" Adriana Asti looks like a fifty year old Hispanic woman totally terrified out of her mind, as if not knowing it's a movie trailer.

The acting has got to be some of the worst I've ever seen, with most of the lines I hear being random actors screaming "CALIGULAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!" as loudly and obnoxiously annoyingly as they can.

The random sex scenes also filled a good 40 or 50% of the trailer, and the scenes with notable actors/actresses like Gerard Butler (who graces the screen in shadows for all of three and a half seconds) not doing anything but looking uncomfortable or going all-out over the top with their minimal lines, just dragging it down with the ridiculousness of their delivery.

Courtney Love's part consists of her looking like her usual dumpy crack-whore self leaning against a door mumbling about the moon or something. You can't tell because she's either drunk or high or just mumbling idiotically.

Karen Black is just annoying... randomly laughing, and screaming in such a way that irritates you.

Helen Mirren... she was in the original, and her return to "Caligula" consists of... "CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALIGULAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I particularly "love" (and by love, I mean hate) Ennia's line, "Caligola... j00 no maki me *something incoherent*.... *something that sounds like j00nalo*" It's also insanely arrogant to say Caligula's four year reign was greater than Jesus's birth and death.

Honestly, this has got to be the worst, most exploitative, self-indulgently arrogant piece of crap labeled as "art" I've ever seen. Even if Gore Vidal hated the original Caligula, he shouldn't have shown up or given his name over for this crap-pile, no matter how much they paid him (unless it was a billion trillion yen). Worst trailer ever.

Problem: Write a negative movie review.

Answer: Let me be really clear about this movie. I didn't watch this movie because of the plot, I watch it for the saucy sex scenes. That being said, this movie is so god damn awful I flip between pure joy of seeing a godly body of Traci (Mandy Schaffer) and cringing my eyeballs out for the disaster of a plot.

Spoiler Alert The first scene of the movie already had me cringing.. you see a woman painting something by the lakeside, in pure bliss and serene, then a beautiful girl approach and ask if she could paint beside her. When they both finished, they show each other what they had done... and the woman painted A VINEYARD WHEN SHE IS FACING INFRONT OF THE LAKE. What kind of screwball director would make this kind of mistake?? And in another scene, Traci gets to kill her teacher's lover by smash him with the sail pole, and then she swims away, and none of the town's police suspected her once. I mean HELLOOOOO? MANDY DID NOT WEAR A GLOVE DID SHE? HER FINGER PRINTS ARE ALL OVER THE GOD DAMN BOAT!! After that, it gets worst, whenever Mandy is around, there is the "chilling" sound effect played which sounds like a cat in hissy fit. It's also a real pity Rosanna Arquette's is in this movie. I feel real sorry for her to have to star in this super low budget soft-porn no brainer. Same goes for Jurgen Prochnow, who also has the misfortune to star in this movie. All in all, 2/10.

Problem: Write a negative movie review.

Answer:
This movie was lame, lame, lame. What a build up! What a let down. All form, no substance. A terrible waste of talent and time. Would not recommend it to my husband's dog, who will watch anything.