Article: To cultivate an ongoing understanding of situations that tend to offend you, try journaling about some of your most memorable moments of victimhood. List 3 or 4 incidents with as much detail as possible. Push yourself to think deeply about these moments, expressing how you felt and why you took offense. Don't assume that the offense requires no explanation or is "obviously" offensive. Write why you were offended, not why anyone would take offense at the same thing. Then, write these moments down as if you are a journalist reporting an incident. Instead of writing about how you feel, try writing about what an outside observer saw. Is there anything you notice across these situations? Does a particular way of being treated frequently make you indignant with consistency? Look for the deeper reasons you were offended. For example, say you are offended by someone explaining something to you that you already know. Perhaps you are offended because your ego is bruised because the person doesn't see your smarts. Can you reasonably expect that this person should spend their time keeping track of what you know and don't know? These patterns are your triggers. When something like this happens to you in the future, you will know that the moment is ideal for trying out other responses. We typically justify or "prop up" our actions and beliefs with thoughts that rationalize them. What thoughts about what should and shouldn't be the case allow you to claim offense? What makes you think it's a proper response? Maybe you are offended because someone comes to your house-warming party without bringing a gift. The thoughts that might support taking offense could be ideas like: "Bringing a gift is the only way to show warmth." "A gift for me should be this person's priority regardless of other financial obligations." "I need to receive tokens from others to know that I am loved and supported". When it comes down to it, we can either spend our time trying to get others to adjust their behavior or work on our own reactions. Trying to change others is a weighty task because people are always changing, surprising usnot to mention how many there are out there. What's more, trying to change others amounts to controlling others. Ethical issues abound. When you work on your reactions, you are making yourself a more flexible and joyous person who can handle more of the world with ease. Taking the "high road" is not just more noble, but actually more beneficial to your ability to cope with everyday life.
What is a summary of what this article is about?
Reflect upon past situations. Look for patterns. Explore the thoughts that justify offense-taking. Choose to privilege yourself over the "offender".