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Take note if they are being mean to several people or if they are only being mean to you. This gives you a starting point in figuring out what might be wrong. It will also be helpful to observe who they are being mean to, if it is more than one person. What do these people have in common that make your friends target them? You can take mental notes of your observations, and just store them in your memory, or you can write them down in a private journal. Hide the journal well, though, so it doesn't make things worse if it's ever found. Your friends might be mean all the time, or they might only be mean in certain circumstances. What are the trends? Are they only mean to people who belong to a certain group (e.g. racial, ethnic, religious, et cetera)? Are they mean on certain days? What might be going on that this behavior only comes about on particular days? (For example, maybe it is always after a visit with a parent, if their parents are divorced.) Are they only mean when they are around a certain person or a certain other group of people (i.e. is that person or group influencing them)? Is it only one friend who is being mean and is getting others involved? Are a few friends all participating equally? Are they making mean comments to you or to others? Are they being somewhat physical in their meanness, like shoving, pushing, tripping, or something else? Are they threatening you or others? Is their behavior typical of bullying, or is it something more? If you are the only person to whom your friends are being mean, try to figure out if they are bullying you. Use the questions below to help you determine if you accidentally did something that caused your friends to get mad at you, or if your friends' meanness toward you is completely unprovoked and unnecessary: Did you say something that offended someone? Did you cancel plans with a friend for no reason, or hang out with another friend instead? Do they seem jealous of you? Have you been mean to them recently, by taking out your anger on them or being judgmental of them? Is there a past argument or disagreement with them that has not been settled? Is there something about you that they perceive as bad or a sign of weakness (regardless of whether it is)? Look for someone who is a good listener, and often has good perspective. They may be able to give insight into the situation, and also support you as you deal with it. Try talking to a trusted parent, relative, teacher, school guidance counselor, clergy member, or mentor. Explain what has happened, what you've done to try to deal with it so far, and how you feel about it. Adults aren't perfect, and aren't always good at listening or giving good advice. If their advice doesn't feel helpful, it's okay to ignore it, or talk to a different adult. While you try to figure out what is going on, it is best to avoid retaliating to your friends if they are mean to you. Being mean to them will only add fuel to the fire and make it harder for you to resolve the issue. You might consider distancing yourself from them for a couple of days to give all of you space and time to cool down. You could simply ignore the comments they make or things they do. Practice being nice to them in the face of their meanness. Treat them the way you would like them to treat you. It is best to not talk to other friends about their treatment of you, because that could start rumors and gossip, which very well may worsen the situation.
Observe your friends' behavior. Notice trends in when and how they are mean. Determine whether you might be influencing their behavior, regardless of whether it is voluntary or involuntary. Consider asking a trusted adult for advice. Avoid retaliating when they are mean to you.