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with others. If you draw healthy lines with your social connections, others are more likely to respect your limitations. Make it clear to everybody what you will not accept. Say something like, "I really don't like it when people borrow my stuff without asking. I'd appreciate it if you asked me next time." Be firm with your boundaries. Don't waverotherwise, the abuse may continue. Setting healthy boundaries will make you feel more confident about yourself and your ability to speak up to others. Bullies never expect their victims to stand up to them. Use this element of surprise and tell the bully to "back off!" When you confront them, stand in a power pose with your hand on your hips. Speak in a strong, unwavering voice and clearly tell them that the behavior is unacceptable and that they should "stop!" You might say, "Whenever I walk into the room, you burst out laughing. That's really rude. Please stop it." Get familiar with the rules at your school or workplace. What kind of safeguards are in place to protect you against bullying? Learn what you can do to stop the behavior, so that you're informed if you need to take action. Examples of rights against bullying may include having the freedom to speak out against bullying without fear of retribution. In addition, the facility (work, school, etc.) is required to investigate the situation and put an action plan in place to stop it. Check out your school or employee handbook to find out your rights. Hang onto any evidence you have of the bullying behavior. Emails, notes, or online comments should be filed away for future use. Keeping track of the incidents and any documentation could help your case if you ever go to someone in authority. Has someone else witnessed the subtle bullying taking place? If so, ask this person to speak on your behalf to the school administrators or human resources office. Having someone to back up your claims may prompt those in authority to take the situation seriously. If the bullying comes down to their tone of voice or nonverbal actions, just try to document it as best you can by making notes and dating each incidence. If, despite your asking them to stop, the bullying continues, speak to someone who can take action. This may be a parent, teacher, coach, principal, boss, or HR representative. Let the person know what's happening and tell them what methods you have tried to deter it. You might say something like, "I have repeatedly asked Don to include me in the group brainstorm meetings, but he continually plans them behind my back. His subtle bullying is keeping me from doing my job effectively. I need your help."
Set firm boundaries Point out their behavior and tell them it's not okay. Know your rights. Document incidents of subtle bullying. Gather witnesses to the bullying. Talk to someone who can help.