Problem: Write a positive movie review.

Answer: I was lucky enough to see Zero Day last night. It's an amazing movie. A very disturbing one at that.

In a way, Zero Day is very comparable to "The Blair Witch Project". It's shot completley with handheld camcorders. It's about 2 kids. Just your average kids. Andre and Calvin. They start a campaign against there High School entitled "Army of 2".

The whole story is told in Video Diary form, from the 2 kids. It shows there relationships with there parents, amongst other people, showing that these are just normal kids, just like people we know or who have bumped into. We find out The Army of 2's last mission will be entitles Zero Day. They plan to shoot up there High School.

You see how they get access to there guns, how they plan it out, everything. They stress that the media has not affected them at all, and there is no reason for doing this. Like I said, this is all told in Video Diary form, and then they store the tapes in a safety deposit box to be seen after Zero Day.

The actual shooting is shown through Survillence Cameras throughout the school. Chilling indeed. The movie is very chilling. Some of the things they say, how they plan it out, you'd just have to see it for yourself. One quote that I remember is the only time Calvin is byhimself. He says "Andre thinks were just gonna leave in some getaway car, doing this to numerous schools across the country. I don't know what he's thinking, but the only way I'm coming out of the school is in a black plastic bag".

I'm probaly not even giving you guys the proper idea of this film. You really need to see it yourself. It's going around festivals right now.

A+.

Problem: Write a negative movie review.

Answer: Like all Carnosaur movies, this is a joke. The way the dinosaurs move, reminds me of when my sister plays with her dolls, because they cannot be any stiffer or more fake-looking than they were.

The plot had no sense whatsoever. I mean, first they're on a bus, then in a warehouse then, all of a sudden, they're on a boat. And let's be serious, does it make sense that a couple of dinosaurs can stay together on a van, or on a ship? I thought dinosaurs were the biggest animals, and now they can fit on a moving van. It sounds stupid even when you think about it.

The only reason for which I gave this a 3, is because it's still entertaining. I found it better than the first one (haven't watched the second yet). Just, don't rent it. I saw it on TV and it's a good thing I did because I wouldn't have wanted to waste money renting it.

Problem: Write a positive movie review.

Answer: Honestly, I was expecting to HATE this one, and really only checked it out because Jenna Jameson is in it...but I have to say I got a kick out of EVIL BREED. A group of college kids and their teacher go on a "field trip" to Ireland. Their lodgings are located near the woods where it is rumored that strange things happen and tourists often disappear without a trace. The group of post-teens is warned by the property's caretaker not to venture into the woods - but being the stupid B-movie characters that they are - of course they pay no attention and pay for their mistake one-by-one... First off, there is plenty wrong with EVIL BREED. The acting/dialog is pretty weak, and my major gripe is that a film that has Jenna Jameson, Chasey Lain, Ginger Lynn, and Taylor Hayes should have FAR more gratuitous nudity than was on display here - and Jenna's role in this production is grossly over-hyped, as she has a combined total of about 2 minutes of screen time. Even less with Chasey, and Ginger Lynn shows no skin and has the worst Irish accent ever. Also the last scene of the film makes absolutely no sense and feels like it's thrown in just to end the film. Those gripes aside - there is some good stuff as well. Richard Greico and Chasey Lain are both dispatched early on, with Greico's nude torso ending up on a roasting spit and Chasey's guts hanging out from being torn in half (though how she ends up this way isn't shown on-screen)...not bad for the first 5 minutes. The other kill scenes are pretty inventive, including Jenna's forced breast implant removal, a guy getting his colon pulled out through his ass, a knife through the face, and a few other notables. The implant and colon scenes also have uncut versions that are on the special features and it's a shame the producers made them chop 'em, so to speak. Also the film moves along at a pretty good clip once it gets moving so you don't really have too much time to be bored. The "creature" FX are also done competently which definitely helps. Overall, EVIL BREED was not NEARLY as bad as I expected. This one, along with SATAN'S LITTLE HELPER have ALMOST renewed my interest in American low-budget straight-to-video films. I usually steer clear of them as a whole, but these two have been decent enough to give me some faith. EVIL BREED is no masterpiece, but it is a decent way to blow 90 minutes - might not hurt to suck on a bottle of cheap bourbon while you're at it - I know I was, and I'm sure it didn't hurt the experience. 7.5/10

Problem: Write a positive movie review.

Answer:
I've been disappointed, if not surprised, at the lack of appreciation this film has received. Once again, Billy Zane proves he's more than just a Hollywood pretty boy in a silent performance that combines spastic slapstick with understated pathos. Calling this a silent film is inaccurate, as there's a lot of music and sound. It has a manic pace and is full of the goofy inventiveness that Ed Wood is finally beginning to be appreciated for. Look at the cast listing, and realize that everyone shines. No one is there just to show their face. I believe they're all in the movie to show their appreciation of Wood, and to do a broad, physical kind of acting not seen much these days.

But, today, reviewers try to guess what's going to become a hit much more than they show any kind of esthetic appreciation for a movie. And IWUETDID has no discernable target audience. It was made mostly out of love for Wood's script. Even after his death, the trendy social parasites have dealt him another serious blow, and deprived the world of a minor classic. This is a highly entertaining and a genuinely experimental film that really deserves to live, at least on DVD.