Instructions: You are given a review about a place. You need to provide a rating from "1 star" to "5 stars" for this place.
Input: I dream of strange things. Midgets with ponytails, a one armed man juggling Faberge eggs, and a sober Lindsay Lohan at a PTA meeting stroking the head of her child who isn't retarded or born addicted to cocaine. Strange dreams. Sometimes situations can affect your dreams. I once was asleep on a raft in the middle of the Indian ocean and on the third day I dreamed that I was taking a shower in stardust and soaping up Judith Light, not now Judith Light, but second season of Who's the Boss Judith Light...I am not that sick. When I was living in Pago Pago for a few months while on the run from Romanian VCR smugglers, I dreamed that I was being smothered by a giant coconut with a needle stuck in it...long story. Lastly when I was...um...in college (for 11 years after good behavior deductions)...I dreamed of supermarkets. Standing in front of the commissary staring at Pall Mall, Marlboro and 2 kinds of spam your mind races, your heart yearns and your bowels release at the thought of a fully stocked supermarket.

In Las Vegas the only time your bowels release is if you dare to eat the "manager's special" meats at Smith's...hell if you even touch it you feel a dribble...or leakage if you prefer. Smith's you don't dream of unless you hate humanity. Albertson's you don't dream of unless you dream of gouging humanity. Von's...maybe...if you dream low. No, you dream of Glazier's Food Marketplace.

The first thing that Glazier's is that it is clean. It is exceptionally clean. I would lick the floor, not that I wouldn't most places, but this one wouldn't send me to the hospital. It was strange being in Las Vegas and seeing such a clean store. It is Las Vegas. Las Vegas is either beautiful, clean, new and sexy...or dirty, disgusting, usually high on meth and on the verge of collapse...thankfully Glazier's is the former. Glazier's is the sponsor to Smith's dirty disgusting, homeless drug addict. You have seen them in NA. Glazier's is all clean, reciting the steps, he has an inspirational story to tell. Smith's is eating flies off of their shirt and sweating profusely.

Next thing you notice about Glazier's is that it is cheap. Not like Von's where the specials are cheap and the rest is very expensive. Glazier's special are great and their normal prices are excellent. It has the price point of Smith's without the chance of hepatitis or food poisoning.

Now look around and see all of the different sections for you to peruse... Seafood section, deli, butcher, bakery, pizza place, fresh sushi, and on and on. The sushi is better than Whole Foods or Trader Joe's and a much better price. The fish is fresh and it tastes really great. The baked breads are very good, the donuts are amazing and the pastries are great. They also import baked breads, cheesecakes from Carnegie Deli and other great items from quality vendors. They have a sausage factory...okay...read that again...SAUSAGE FACTORY. I am not talking about Cherry on a Saturday night...I am talking about real sausage.

The fruit and vegetable selection is excellent, it is cheap and it is fresh. I bought vine ripened Beefsteak tomatoes for .88/lb. Outstanding. Bought some great oranges, mushrooms, and scallions.

Lastly, for all of you have done time...I mean spent time...in the East cost you know that there is only one good sweet treat...and virtually no one has it in Las Vegas. Tastycakes. Yes, dear reader...Tastycakes. They are the best desert a human being can buy. Glazier's has them because they have an east coast history.

If you like good food. If you like different foods. If you like good deals. If you like clean. If you like self respect. If you like Pilipino biker chicks...sorry...wrong review...then you will like Glazier's. Just remember this dear readers...never ever stand on you cart and tell them that there is only one thing more beautiful than Glazier's Food Marketplace and pull down your pants. No matter how right you are...they have to pretend like they don't like it. Damn Puritans...you ruined this country!
Output:
4 stars