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You will need the following: 1 lb ripe tomatoes, chopped 1 red bell pepper, chopped 1/2 cup red wine vinegar 3/4 cup cider vinegar 3/4 cup sugar 1 teaspoon salt 2 teaspoons mustard seeds 1/2 teaspoon black pepper 1/2 teaspoon dried hot red pepper flakes 3/4 cup chopped scallions Put these ingredients into a medium sized saucepan: vinegars, sugar, salt, mustard seeds, black pepper, and hot pepper flakes. Cook these over medium heat. Bring the ingredients to a full boil. Stir the pot occasionally. Stir the vegetables into the mixture thoroughly. Simmer the mixture over low heat. Do not cover the saucepan. The chutney will need to cook down for about 75 minutes. It should reduce to make about 1.5 cups of chutney. Serve immediately for the freshest taste. You can store chutney in the refrigerator. It will keep for approximately 2 weeks in a sealed jar or container. Enjoy it as a companion to Indian food, lunches, crackers, and snacks.

summary: Gather your ingredients. Begin cooking the vinegars and spices. Add the tomatoes, bell pepper, and scallions. Allow the chutney to cool completely.

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You need at least some higher education to become a mortician. You need at least an associate's degree in mortuary sciences to become a mortician, but you can also find mortuary sciences programs in four year colleges. You can attend a regular college, but you can also get a degree from a specialized mortuary school. Think about how long you want to spend getting your degree. You can get a degree in two years and move on to an apprenticeship program then. If you're looking for a quick path to becoming a mortician, this may be the right choice. You may also want to look into a specialized mortuary school, as having a specific education may give you a better chance of landing an apprenticeship. However, how certain are you in your career path? You can also attend a four year college, where you can study subjects other than mortuary sciences. This way, if you decide you'd rather do something else as a career, you have the option to change majors or explore career paths. A traditional four year school may be the right choice for you if you have any misgivings about becoming a mortician. Once you've decided on the right track for yourself, start applying for your chosen program. Programs will require different materials for the application, so read application requirements carefully to make sure you get into a quality program. You usually need a copy of your high school transcripts, which you can get from your counselor. You also may need test scores, such as SAT or ACT scores. Letters of recommendation may also be important. Talk to old high school teachers or anyone you worked with in the past, especially jobs related to mortuary studies. If you worked in a funeral home, for example, you may want to ask your boss there for a letter of recommendation. After gathering materials, you can complete the application process for the program you chose. You'll usually have to fill out a basic application, that includes things like your name, address, and so on. You'll also want to make sure you follow all protocol for submitting your application. Some programs may require you to write an essay overviewing what you hope to get out of your education. If you need to write an essay for your chosen program, spend a long time working on your essay and make sure it's free of spelling and grammatical errors. Read submission instructions carefully. Make sure you know where to mail your application, or how to submit electronically. Once you've been accepted to a program, you can begin your studies. Make sure you work hard. If you stand out in a program, it'll be easier to find an apprenticeship down the road. Work hard to earn high marks in all your courses. You will study a lot of anatomy and biology during your program. You'll need to have a working knowledge of the human body in order to be a successful mortician. By the time you complete your program, you should have a sophisticated understanding of how the body works. You'll also study some practical aspects of being a mortician. You'll study the science of embalming and cremation, as well as cosmetology and restorative art so you know how to prepare bodies for family members. You'll also have to study a bit about funeral law so you understand the legality of the funeral and burial industry. An internship can always help set your resume apart when applying for an apprenticeship program. Talk to professors in your program, as well as career counselors if they're available. Ask them about internship opportunities and have them direct you to relevant job boards and listings. An internship working at hospital or funeral can be a great resume builder as you apply to apprenticeship programs. As you near the end of your studies, you'll want to start seriously looking for apprenticeship programs. Ask your school counselor about where to apply. If you're going to a mortuary school specifically, there may be a placement program for apprenticeship programs available to you. You can also call local funeral homes and ask about programs. School counselors should be able to direct you to programs and give you guidance on how to apply. Start applying as you near the end of your program. Make a list of possible programs, and jot down the application requirements. Spend a little time each week polishing off applications. You should apply to several programs at a variety of local funeral homes. Find an apprenticeship that works with your needs. You'll want to find an apprenticeship in an area where you're comfortable living. You'll also want to see what kind of funding or payment is offered during your time as an apprentice.

summary: Consider what kind of higher education you want. Gather the materials necessary to apply to a higher education program. Complete the application process. Complete your chosen higher education program. Look for internships during your time at school. Ask your school counselor about apprenticeship programs.

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chop up some onions and garlic until they are finely diced. You can use use any kind of onions but green onions or leeks produce the best results as they are the most pungent. Shred up five large leaves of cabbage. Get a pint sized clear glass jar with a lid and scoop the ingredients into it. Add a small lock of either human hair or animal hair to the mix. The hair should rest on top of the mix and be intact as a bundle; this makes the next step easier. (Optional) For an even nastier stench, add one match head to the bundle of hair. Close the lid on the jar and then poke two holes in the lid to allow oxygen to flow into the jar (this will make the bundle of hair burn better inside the jar). Next use a magnifying glass to shine a beam through the jar and onto the bundle of hair until it starts to smoke inside the jar. you want to burn as much hair as possible.If you went with the optional in the last step, shine the beam on the match head. Put two pieces of tape over the holes in the lid and let the smoke filled jar sit in direct sunlight and leave it alone;this heats up the ingredients and lets them blend, and permeate everything in the jar. once the smoke inside the jar has settled, take the pieces of tape off the both holes This is to help the ingredients decompose inside the jar. after about a week, open the jar and take a whiff to see if its stink has blended enough. Only do this outside, NEVER in your house or anywhere else you don't want to badly stink up. Remember, the longer you leave it, the more wicked it's stench will be. A good indicator that it's ready is being able to detect a whiff from a few feet away after two or three weeks. Either open or break the jar in the area you want to stink and watch as people rapidly clear away from the obnoxious, haunting, suffocating stench. An alternative way of doing this is instead of using the whole jar, screen the rancid juice from the putrid mix with an old strainer into a small 2 Oz. pump spray bottle (one of those small clear plastic ones used for travel) and spray where you want to stink, just don't get caught and don't get any of this on you otherwise you will be in for a very smelly time.
summary: Get the primary ingredients. Throw into a jar. Add the hair. Close and burn. Tape and let it sit. Brace yourself for the test. Unleash.