Problem: Write a negative movie review.

Answer: Film critics of the world, I apologize. It is your job to give advice to the moviegoing public so that they can wisely choose what to spend money on. But I ignored your advice and I have been deeply hurt. However, my decision to see "The Cat in the Hat" wasn't made haphazardly. You see, three years ago all of you critics said that we should all avoid the "calamity" known as "How the Grinch Stole Christmas". Then some friends of mine took me to see it and it turned out to be a colorful, funny and almost hypnotic yuletide treat. So when the critics unleashed their fury against "The Cat in the Hat", another big budget Seuss update with a big name star in the title role, I thought that it must be the same old song. How wrong I was.

For five whole minutes I thought I was in the clear. The opening credits are clever, the kids are charming and the production values are top notch. Then the cat showed up. There are many problems from this point on, but the biggest one was the woeful miscasting of Mike Myers. Where "The Grinch" was saved by the inspired casting of Jim Carrey, "The Cat" was destroyed by Myers. He can be very funny when his energies are applied where they belong, comic sketches. Every movie he's made that was truly funny was really just a feature length comedy sketch, from "Wayne's World" to "Austin Powers". So he tries to do the same thing here, it's just that these comedy sketches are more like the stuff that they stick at the end of SNL, not funny, just painful. Not that the writers helped him out any. After the charming prologue the movie turns into an hour of repulsive bodily humor gags, poorly timed pratfalls and insultingly stunted attempts at hip humor. This movie was the most disheartening cinematic experience I have ever had. Period. So much talent and work went into something so vile. I know that the adult stars of this movie will be relatively unscathed by this mess, I just hope that the wonderful Spencer Breslin and Dakota Fanning will get more chances to show their charms in far better movies. If you are a parent, please avoid this like the plague. With movies like "Elf" and "Brother Bear" currently in theaters, you have far better choices.

Problem: Write a positive movie review.

Answer: "Yokai Daisenso" is a children's film by Takashi Miike, but as you might expect, it's probably a bit too dark & scary for younger ones. However, older children may well eat this up, that is, if you play it dubbed in English.

The story is that of a young boy, who has moved with his mother to the country, to live with his grandfather, after a divorce. During a village festival the boy is chosen as a "Kirin rider", a great honor, but with that honor comes much danger and adventure, of course.

Meanwhile, evil doings are at hand as a woman in a white mini skirt, go-go boots & a beehive hair-do, teams up with an evil Yokai to turn people's resentments and discarded items against them. And this evil has manifested itself as a flying city in the form of a monster that heads for the City of Rage itself, Tokyo. One quite funny scene has two derelicts watching the monster fly over the city...says one, "Oh, it's only Gamera".

The young boy has befriended Yokai, which are monsters of a kind, mostly benign, that have isolated themselves away from humans, and all the Yokai in Japan band together to fight the evil.

In many ways Miike & crew have taken the late 60's/early 70's Yokai films and turned them into a modern action adventure film for (older) kids that also combines some strange mechanical monsters that made me think of "Transformers". The look and feel of the film is great, the effects are entertaining, and some of the humor will just sail right over kid's heads, but still, older ones might enjoy it. As for adults, there's not much here not to like, if you're a fan of Japanese monster movies you'll enjoy the heck out of this.

Cool & fun stuff, kind of dark at times but perhaps that's just Miike..and what a wild ride. 8 out of 10.

Problem: Write a negative movie review.

Answer: Faith Domergue (better known as "Dr. Ruth" in THIS ISLAND EARTH) is the only reason to watch this film. The story is very thin, and once the Air Force buddies return to the States with a Cobra Curse upon them the action is just a waiting game. See Faith the Snake Woman and try to pretend the rest isn't happening.

Problem: Write a negative movie review.

Answer:
I had to register for IMDb just to post a comment on just how awful this movie is...my cats and a ball of string have a better storyline than this. Not the worst acting I've ever seen, but when you wipe out almost the entire cast of the movie within 5 minutes, it leaves a bit to be desired. There wasn't a single 'scare' moment in the movie, with the exception of when they were watching the movie 'Halloween' on the TV. All around, it seems like it could've been a good story, rolling the credits and saying that Chasey Lain was in it was a bit of a loss as I didn't recognize her right away and her scene was already over before I could've said 'oh yeah, there she is'. I'm so glad I saw this in a hotel and didn't pay for it as I'd be real ticked if I had payed a cent to see this. I normally like or can at least find a redeeming factor in a movie, but this one is an exception. It's so bad that it's not even that amusing so-good-it's-bad....it's just plain bad.