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It may fall on you to begin a savings plan for college expenses, the first car, and helping to find that first job. Be actively involved in working out what is needed for the child's future, talking to the mother first and then including the child where appropriate. Smoking, excessive drinking, and recreational drugs have no place in a home with children in it. This may not be the politically correct position, but from the effects of secondhand smoke on young lungs, to the acceptance of illegal drugs as a "norm", these are not good behaviors to model for children. If you have problems with addiction to substances, seek help. If you must smoke, always smoke outdoors, away from the child. Accept the unique qualities of each team member, the limitations, even the eccentricities. There will be good times, even great times, but there will be conflict, disagreements, and letdowns. Patience, love, and a sympathetic view should help you through these challenges. You are the adult, no matter what the situation, you should remember that, and that problems may seem huge, but often will be forgotten in tomorrows rush, or laughed about next year. Be yourself. It is almost impossible to set up pretense of doing, being, enjoying, or acting in ways that are not you. You may impress your stepchild for a while, but the real you will emerge sooner or later. You chose to enter into a relationship with a woman with children, so you ultimately chose to be a role model and a parental figure to her child or children. It is a good idea to keep a good rapport with your stepchild's biological father, except in cases where he is not welcome in your stepchild's life. A large proportion of stepfathers are good friends with the biological fathers of their stepchildrenboth men are acting in the best interest of the child and collaborate. If both men are reasonable, impasses are uncommon. Never pass up an opportunity to tell you stepchild that you love him or her. Sometimes always thinking about it would make you feel uneasy and unnatural around your child. Just treat him/her as you would your own child: if you love your spouse so much, why shouldn't you love her child?
Help plan the future of the stepchild. Be a good example to your stepchild. Remember, being a step-dad is a leadership role as part of a team. Try to forget that he/she is not your biological child.