Problem: What would be an example of an negative review?

Answer: Went here last night for my brothers birthday. The host outside told us there was only one table left in the club. He gave us a 2k minimum and then asked for a $500 handshake. Table was tiny and in front of a pillar, it was terrible. He also kept harassing us for a $500 tip that was regular for the tables. He forced us to pay him or 'else' Oh and it was a complete lie, there were dozens of free tables.

Problem: What would be an example of an positive review?

Answer: Excellent Experience - the ambience is energetic and the activity in the open kitchen is very impressive. The appetizers were okay, but the rest of the meal was excellent. Our entrees were duck confit and scallops, and both were delicious. Our sides were pan fried corn and fingerling potatoes, and both were very good. For dessert we had the banana pie which was also very good. Overall we were very happy with the meal and glad we found a great local restaurant rather than a chain. We'll definitely come Bach when in Charlotte.

Problem: What would be an example of an negative review?

Answer:
Actual shopping trip yesterday afternoon: *Walks to express checkout line with giant tub of Smart Balance imitation butter and places it on non-moving beltway* "Hello, did you find everything you are looking for today?" "Yep" "Do you have your Safeway card?" "Don't have one." "First time here? Would you like to sign up?" "Not really, Safeway's are laid out really strange, the shelves are too high and intimidate me, and this place closes ridiculously early." "Oh...the residents around here don't shop very late." "I live around here. And I tried to buy a bottle of wine with a friend here at 10:15 PM last weekend and was turned away. We had to buy a bottle of Pinot Grigio at the Circle K." "Oh, sorry too here that." "That's alright, it was surprisingly tasty. Reminded me of Lollapalooza." "You need any help out of the store?" *Stares blankly at cashier* (I am a strapping 6'3" lad with no obvious physical defects) *Cashier does shifty eye, waiting for response* "I did just buy a tub of butter, right? Did I win something? Or accidentally buy a truckload of potatoes?" "No, just seeing if you need assistance." (Maybe he was worried about me when I confessed their high shelves intimidate me?) "Alright then, I'm going to go make some Salmon Baklava then." *Scampers away. Scoffs at posted hours.*