Problem: OPTIONS:
- negative
- positive negative
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Answer: I initially gained interest in this film after reading a review saying this movie reminded the reviewer of Silent Hill.

Being a huge Silent Hill fan, and disappointed with it's movie debut, I thought I would give this one a chance. Mind, Fearnet only lists this movie as "Dark Floors", not by it's full name. So when I saw the name "Mr. Lordi" in the credits I immediately thought of the band (I had a few friends in college that like them) but didn't think it was important and quickly pushed the thought aside.

The film starts out strong. Despite the fact "creepy little girl" has been done to DEATH, the good use of audio and sense of isolation really started to piece the the story together. The tense atmosphere built rapidly, and every indication pointed to the film being excellent. As monsters are the true stars of horror, I couldn't wait to see what was lurking in the halls of the hospital the main characters had found themselves trapped in...

And then the first monster showed up, and I found myself greatly underwhelmed. By the time the second appeared, I boggled at the fact it looked like it had just come from a Megadeth concert, and the silliness turned me off completely.

Over the course of the movie the atmosphere did remain intact, and the story left you wondering just what was going on, but the scares were pretty much non-existent. However, I held out hope that the end would make it all worthwhile. Unfortunately that was not to be the case. By the time the movie had reached it's climax, I was in utter disbelief, and I immediately recognized the big bad in his final reveal... The lead singer of Lordi? Seriously?

Was that what the movie all boiled down to? A bunch of poor souls being chased around a hospital by Lordi band members? The silly monster design suddenly made sense. If you're going to be that corny, may as well through the members of Marilyn Manson, or even KISS in there too. Not to mention the fact that I'm pretty sure I saw the ending in one of Lordi's music videos a few years ago. They had to go and make an entire movie off of it?

Worst of all, when I found out what really had been going on, all I could manage was a yawn. I'm not going to "ruin" it for you, but I can safely say it's probably a plot device you've seen before. Most likely more then once.

So, unless you're a huge Lordi fan, stay away from this. It's not scary, it doesn't bring anything new to the table (although it does a decent job of borrowing from other horror movies, mainly Silent Hill). And, I can't stress this enough, LORDI is the antagonist. LORDI. Talk about a buzzkill.

Really, you'd be better off trying to scare yourself watching Slipknot music videos. In other words, it's just not possible.
An example of a movie review. negative (OPTIONS:
- negative
- positive).

A: As was to be expected, A Mazursky film made in the 70s would be counter-culture, sympathetic towards the hippies - and have a lot of hippies in it - and, naturally, it is childishly anti-authoritarian (e.g. the scene on the Mexican border, when Sutherland provokes a custom's officer by showing little respect and then accuses the latter of making him open his luggage only because he (Sutherland) has long hair). The constant left-wing dribble could have gotten on my nerves had I not been prepared for it beforehand; Sutherland muses aloud to his family and friends about potential movie ideas for his next film, and most of these ideas are either about blacks or Indians (needless to say, he would be welcomed with open arms in today's Hollywood). One of his movie ideas is about a black uprising in Beverly Hills - a race-war, so-to-speak, in the middle of L.A.. This is the kind of nonsense that Mazursky thinks about when writing scripts for his movies. Fortunately, some of Sutherland's hippie friends make fun of this black-revolution premise, and the resulting dialogue isn't bad; a little later, the Jewish guy makes a crack about Sutherland making a movie about "masturbation and the black problem", when the latter starts talking about masturbation. Another funny moment is when Sutherland's older daughter performs some PC crap on stage with her white school-mates, and they all say: "We, the black people of the Republic of South Africa...".

There is always a certain amount of self-indulgence when Hollywood makes a movie about Hollywood - especially when it's Hollywood making a movie about Hollywood discussing Hollywood doing movies. Now, that's very, very self-indulgent, indeed. The scene with Fellini (playing himself) is more amusing than annoying, though. Mazursky throws in the standard flower-children and anti-Vietnam bullshit into the soup, and also pokes fun at corporate Hollywood, but he was/is just as much a part of the "phony Hollywood" (lyrics from that song in the surreal war segment) as anyone else; I am pretty sure that he, too, makes phony small-talk in Beverly Hills parties and grins fakely while shaking the hands of people whom he either doesn't know or like, but whose money he wants badly for his next (left-wing) project. As for his hair: he has the worst hair I've seen in a very long time (on film or elsewhere); it's sort of like the kind of long hair that a middle-aged accountant would have if he grew it long. The film remains relatively interesting in spite of its aimlessness, but it bogs down somewhat into tedium in the last third. If you'd like to read my parody/biography of Donald Sutherland (and other Hollywood actors), contact me by e-mail.
Q: What's an example of a movie review?
An example of a movie review is here: I have to say I am really surprised at the high ratings for this movie. I found it to be absolutely idiotic. The mother gets "visions" when she touches certain things or people? And one thing she touched twice made her vision continue... Just seemed so ridiculous. Deedee Pfieffer's performance was awful I thought. She was very irritating. The girl who played Lori did a good job and so did most of the supporting cast for what they had to work with.

I usually love LMN and am very open minded when it comes to movies but this movie seemed to have a ridiculous plot and over the top acting and it just was not for me.
Problem: Write a positive (OPTIONS:
- negative
- positive) movie review.

Answer: "Foxes" is one movie I remember for it's portrayal of teenagers in the late 1970's. As I am exactly Jodie Foster's age, I related to this movie. It deals with the frustrations, temptations, relationships & rebellion of youth. The soundtrack is great with inspiring rock eg. "More Than a Feeling" by Boston and sad numbers like "On the Radio" by Donna Summer. The music of my late teens. Yep, I'll always remember this one, even if it wasn't huge.
Problem: OPTIONS:
- negative
- positive negative
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Answer:
I have been known to fall asleep during films, but this is usually due to a combination of things including, really tired, being warm and comfortable on the sette and having just eaten a lot. However on this occasion I fell asleep because the film was rubbish. The plot development was constant. Constantly slow and boring. Things seemed to happen, but with no explanation of what was causing them or why. I admit, I may have missed part of the film, but i watched the majority of it and everything just seemed to happen of its own accord without any real concern for anything else. I cant recommend this film at all.