Write an article based on this "Understand how to achieve your goals. Choose an appropriate goal. Find their motivations. Identify the most powerful motivation. Understand what's holding them back."

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Abusive manipulation can cause serious harm, and may end the relationship before you get what you want. Instead, think of "control" as convincing other people to agree with your perspective. With the right methods, you can shift people's attitudes without losing their respect. Make sure that the person you're influencing can actually achieve your aims. Setting yourself an impossible task can create a high-pressure situation, hurting everyone involved. Instead, aim to start a friendship, improve your work or chore routine, or solve an interpersonal problem. Never attempt to force another person to love you, to snap out of an addiction or mental illness, or to make significant life changes against their will. The "success" of serious emotional manipulation is tense, fragile, and extremely damaging to yourself and the other people involved. If these are your goals, find a healthier approach instead. Right now, you're dissatisfied with how certain other people behave. But before you can begin to persuade them towards something different, you have to understand what's motivating them to choose their current course of action. What makes them think that what they're doing is a good idea? Once you know their current set of motivations, you can influence these motivations to persuade them towards something different. Usually, the easiest way to find out their motivations is to simply ask: "Why do you think this is a good idea?" You can also try and figure it out by listening to what they say and watching what they do. For example, your project partner is not contributing as much work as you'd like. He might be motivated by a sense of fairness (he already thinks he's doing enough), laziness (he wants to avoid the work), or low self-esteem (he doesn't think he can do the work as well as you). Now that you know what their current set of motivations are, try to understand the motivator that's most important to them. Influencing this motivator will be the easiest way to get the most impact. Think about what they value most in making a decision, by thinking about decisions that you've seen them make in the past or arguments that you've had with them. If you know what's most important to them, then you can introduce that motivator to get the result you want. For example, you want your mom to vote a certain way in an election. She's voting for the incumbent candidate because she knows her political stance better, and agrees with her social values. You know she values educational spending more than the social values platform, since she used to be a teacher. You can use facts about your candidate's relationship with children, families, and education policy to motivate her to change her mind. Now that you understand what kind of things make an argument look good to them, you'll want to take a look at the factors that hold them back from your argument. What about what you're trying to do makes them think it's a bad idea? When you know what they perceive as the risks with what you're asking, you can figure out how to make those risks seem smaller. There's no reason to be coy about finding out why someone doesn't like an idea. Frequently, once someone says why they don't like an idea out-loud, they'll think that it sounds stupid or realize that they can't explain themselves well, which can give you the perfect opening to talk them over to your side.