Even though they may not like the other, it is not fair to either friend that you end your friendships just because they do not get along. Continue to spend time with both friends just as you would have before. Their conflict should not affect their treatment of you or your treatment of them. Be honest with your friends. Tell them that because you care about and respect both of them, and do not want their conflict to have a negative impact on you, you will remain friends with each of them. Do not show favoritism to either friend. For instance, do not sever ties with one friend at the behest of the other, or due to your own inability to remain neutral in the conflict. Do not spend more time with one than with the other. A good friend will spend equal time with each friend, despite the conflict between them. When your friends ask you to take their side, or insist on an explanation as to why you will not support them against the other friend, stay firm. Remind them that you deserve to make your own decisions about your relationships and will not be pressured to do otherwise. Do not give in to threats or intimidation. If Sam says "If you do not side with me and stop spending time with Armin, we will not be friends any longer," relay your disappointment but stand your ground. Sam, like you, has choices to make about how he acts toward his friends and how much he values your company. If he chooses to give you up as a friend, it's best to let him do so, as his actions reflect that he doesn't care for you as a friend should. If your friend will not respect your decision and continues to pressure you into denouncing the other friend, or insisting that you agree with them, it might be best to limit contact with that individual. Let them know why, suggesting that "I look forward to spending time with you again when you are willing to accept my neutrality in this matter. I hope you understand that my decision to stay neutral is final." Choosing healthy, positive relationships means choosing friends who listen to and understand your point of view. If your friend cannot do so, they are failing as a friend. Let them know how you feel by saying "I'm sorry you cannot see my point of view. I feel that my decision is not being respected." Respect must be given as well as received. Be respectful to your friends who are in conflict. Do not pressure them into spending time together or reconciling before they are ready. Similarly, do not accuse them of being petty or stupid for fighting at all. Let them speak their minds. Allowing them to express their feelings can be cathartic. Knowing that someone has listened to, acknowledged and understood them can help them get over the conflict, or realize they were wrong. Remember, listening to your friend is not the same as validating or agreeing with their point of view. If Sam starts ragging on Armin (or vice versa), insist that you are not taking sides, but you are glad to hear he is thinking about the problem between him and Armin. If Sam asks for your agreement, suggest that "If you feel that way, you should let Armin know. I am your friend as much as his, and I won't take sides in this conflict." To start listening, stop talking. You cannot listen when you are constantly interjecting your point of view or telling the speaker they are wrong. Put the speaker at ease with calming body language. Sitting down, putting your hands in your lap, and smiling go a long way toward creating a positive sharing environment. Be patient when listening. Do not interrupt your friend when they speak. Not everyone can quickly and concisely summarize their feelings or point of view. Think about what the speaker is saying. Ask yourself if you agree or disagree and why. Follow up on what your friend said later; perhaps you can help him or her find a new perspective by asking them to clarify what they believe. Responding constructively to what your friend says will show them you care about their point of view. Never engage in criticism of your own. Even if you get mad at a friend for making acerbic comments, don't lash out at them. Creating more conflicts will not resolve the dispute between your two friends, and may even make the dispute worse. If you feel yourself becoming frustrated with your friend, excuse yourself. Say something like "I am frustrated by the way you are speaking. Let's continue this conversation later." Try deep breathing techniques; slowly repeating a mantra or a relaxing phrase ("I am cerulean blue; I am a cool breeze"); or envision a peaceful scene such as a pine forest or snow-capped mountaintop. Don't act defensively if your friend starts blaming you or name-calling for your decision to remain friends with the other individual. Stay cool. Do not become angry just because he or she is angry. The problem is their attitude and perception, not you. Do not take their insults or bad attitude personally. Use humor to defuse a tense situation. If you or your friend are getting really worked up over the conflict between your two friends, try to make a joke of the situation. Do not be sarcastic or caustic with your humor. Rather, employ some self-deprecation and a congenial tone to reevaluate the situation you and your two friends are in. If one friend asks you to pass a message on to the other, tell them they should bring it to the other friend directly. Instead of acting as a go-between, instruct your friend(s) to give you more information about what they want to say, and offer to help them find a great way to say it. Acting as the messenger for one or another of the warring parties may bias the other against you. Sam might, for instance, suppose that you were half-hearted or insincere in your extension of the peace offering or apology to Armin if Armin does not accept the offer of reconciliation. Emphasize to both friends that reconciliation can only occur when both are willing to speak to each other directly and honestly. Apologizing, forgiving, and trust-building can only be accomplished via direct communication between the two individuals involved in the conflict. Once these are achieved, the conflict often takes on a new dimension as the parties work towards a resolution. If this is just a personality clash, you can't make it better by taking sides. If one of them asks you to, or tries to make you feel guilty enough to do so, simply refuse. Say, "Hey, this is between you guys. I'm Switzerland." Do not intervene in the substance of the dispute. When the subject is raised, try to change the direction of the conversation to something different. If you friend insists on speaking about it, let him or her do so, then remind them that you cannot support or takes sides in their conflict. Typically, neutrality indicates that you are disinterested in the results of the conflict or the parties involved. However, as a friend of both parties, you may rightly have an interest in their conflict and hope they will resolve it amicably. There is no problem with this desire, since it is what good friends wish for one another. Cultivating mindfulness can make you more aware of your own thoughts and biases. Mindfulness is a quality which instills peace of mind and a positive attitude in those who possess it, especially when they're making tough decisions or dealing with stressful situations. If you are mindful, you will be more aware of your feelings about the conflict between your two friends who hate each other. This can help you remain objective and neutral. You can gain mindfulness through yoga, tai chi, or mediation. Mindfulness requires three skills: Awareness. This means being alive to the moment and the things going on around you. When you are talking with your friends, enjoy their company. Do not dwell on the conflict between them since it is not occurring at that moment. Think about how much you enjoy being with them. Responsibility. Responsibility requires a kind and generous attitude toward yourself and others. In a conflict between two friends, this means you should do what's best for both parties involved. Empathize with each, speak and act without preference or judgment, and remain neutral. Effort. This means acting on your awareness and responsibility. When two friends are fighting and you wish to remain neutral, making a big effort to do so will be difficult. You can continue to be neutral and build mindfulness by acknowledging that you are in a difficult position but must stay the course for the good of yourself and your friends. Neutrality can seem like an impossibility. Everyone has biases, both conscious and unconscious. Being more aware of yours will help you overcome these biases.

Summary:
Explain to each friend that you are still friends with both of them. Emphasize that they must respect your decision. Listen to your friends. Stay calm. Refuse to act as a go-between. Unless one friend is clearly wrong, do not take sides. Cultivate mindfulness to help you remain neutral.