Input: What would be an example of an positive review?

An example of an positive review: The comedy bits were absolutely hilarious! I was laughing out loud. The performances were extremely sexy and the acrobats were beautiful and talented. Definitely a Cirque show to be seen with a date. Do not see with mom and dad. I saw it twice and it was just as funny and enjoyable the second time!

Input: What would be an example of an negative review?

An example of an negative review: I'm giving The Yard 2 stars because I did not get food poisoning. This is my first time reviewing a restaurant and last night was my first time in any dining establishment not leaving a tip. It is now early afternoon on a beautiful pittsburgh day. It has been about twelve hours since my friends and I entered the twilight zone of The Yard. Like the Zone,we soon discovered that entering is a lot easier than getting out. Besides a few ordering hiccups (one of my friends has Celiac disease, and so ordered her sandwich gluten-free, and the waiter then interpreted that as we all wanted gluten-free bread. gross.) the actual dining experience was pleasant. The chef corrected the gluten misunderstanding and our food arrived in a timely and aesthetically pleasant state. I had actually gotten someone to cover my shift at work so I could meet my friends and sample the infamous grilled cheese. Expectations for the food were high and well met. I will never go back to that purgatory again. Here's why. Before our waiter even brought the check, I asked if it was possible to split it for our party of six. I understand that is a miserable task, and only asked because we were one of three active tables in the bar. As a former waitress myself, I would have been fine if he'd refused the delineation. With slurred, fragmented speech he assured us it would not be a problem, and shuffled off to the kitchen to separate the tabs. He came back a moment later with one long check, and mumbled something about how orders were according to seats 'so you guys can just do that.' We didn't understand either. This was 11:45pm and that's an important detail. We asked him to write our initials next to our orders (most of us had ordered two items). Flustered, he grabbed his pen and we began the painstaking task of trying to communicate with a scotchbrite sponge. Actually, a sponge would have been less frustrating because it is not encased in the facade of a sentient human being. In what was surely the quietest, most patient 7 minutes of our groups time (3 of my friends are currently waiters), we spoke with the slow deliberate manner of a parent explaining addition to a six year old. A six year old how just wasn't going to get it. Eventually he scooted off to the back. He returned less than twenty seconds later and laid the same check on the table. It had not been written on so we were all a bit puzzled, and we were further confused to find attached an additional check for another table. As friend (a waiter) stressed the importance of patience, and began writing clear, itemized instructions of which food and drink went to what name. We jokingly whispered in debate about whether he was high or drunk. Both sides made solid cases but I remain convinced it was the latter. He returned and we gave him the check, and also asked that we not be charged for the wings, as they were probably for another table. He nodded and mumbled incoherently. When he returned 10 minutes later with the same check yet again, it was printed anew, a clean slate free of our cluttered, specific instructions. We asked if he had noticed our notes. He said he could not read the handwriting. If nothing else, please trust me when I say we were all just trying to get out of there. It was 45 minutes into the process of paying and we had made no progress. THE HANDWRITING WAS PERFECT. He had also kept the wings. As we went around the table a third time, it was slightly funny that we all knew each others orders by heart, like an oft repeated word salad Pledge of Allegiance. The level of incomprehension with this guy was amazing. I was amazed. Amazed that as he came to me, he asked for the third time if I'd gotten the gluten free sandwich. And then if I'd gotten the growler. Wrong on both accounts of course. I clearly, crisply, and visibly annoyedly stated 'No, I did not get those items. I got the Big Chebowski, and the Anchor. That is it, That is all I ordered and received tonight.' Exasperated he mumbled something about a table to six being difficult, to which I channeled the Dude and replied 'Yeah, well, we've been through this three times man.' I asked if there was a register we could take our tab to. He mumbled and I guess it was something like a no. His final question before leaving: "So, who got the wings?" Upon the fourth or fifth visit to the table, we were ECSTATIC to see five separate checks. By a higher power's grace, mine was actually accurate. Fate was not as kind to my friends, as there were still errors. Leaving them behind haggling with the waiter, I went to the bar with my card and check, and asked if I could pay there or anywhere but with our waiter. There was no way that guy was gonna touch my debit card. The bartender smiled and said no. I begged, briefly explaining the trouble the waiter was having. No sympathy. I've run out of room in this review. Do not go to this place. We escaped an hour after first asking for the check. On a slow night.

Input: What would be an example of an negative review?

An example of an negative review: Called to reserve our stay thinking we had a great deal and they didn't notify us hidden fees. Such as the deposits and services. We got what we paid for...cheap as is near the strip. Receive a full/queen bed when asked for king. The curtesy of the customer service and register were very rude to us. No smiles nor a welcoming face. Rooms were dusty and have a little smell (urine) non-smoking section. My foot nearly stub onto a sharp invisible nail near the edge by the carpet looks like it was poorly construction. I wish to not come back to this stay again. Waitresses would take forever to gets drinks for you when if gambling. This is a place to go when on budget but I could see that there's other or even ghetto places have better stay to offer. Giving a one point for "hot water" in showers and making a use out of the hidden fee for the shuttle bus. Use it or loose it and first come first serve. have seen many people had to wait another hour for the next transit which is pretty sad when it gets really packed and time isn't manage.

Input: What would be an example of an negative review?
An example of an negative review: I finally got around to getting to Lazy Joe's the night before Thanksgiving. I got there around 5pm, and they were actually pretty busy! I really, really wanted to like this place, but I had some issues. I'll say first i'm NOT a fan of their batter. I know, it's gluten-free, and i'm glad this is out there for people with gluten allergies. But, I prefer a beer-battered fish. The quality of the fish was good, I got a single piece of cod, and 2 shrimps. The flesh was sweet and tasty, no fishiness. YAY! The batter is just not up my alley, it's dense and heavy. The hushpuppies were -excellent- and I really liked those! They seemed handmade, with flecks of onion and parsely. The fries were SO dissappointing! The color -looked- good on them, but they were soggy, limp and greasy. I got the seasoned fries, and I liked the flavor of the seasoning, I just could not eat much, due to the limpness. The owners of the business really TRY hard, tho. They are both friendly people, and seem to care about some things, but leave other aspects hanging. It's a small place, with perhaps seating for 30 people. There are menus on the table, and it seemed like it was a sit-down, waiter service type of place. But, if you took a seat, you'd find people cutting in front of you, and they don't bother to put signage up, to let people know to order FIRST, then take a seat. Clarification on this would be nice, but I'm sure the regulars knows the drill by now. I'm glad I tried Lazy Joe's, but I won't be back. If I want great F&C, I have a Village Pub down the street that is much more to my liking.