Summarize the following:
Some family members may not even realize they're still treating you like a child. It's hard for older adults in your family to let go of the thought of you being "little girl" or "little boy," even if you're well into adulthood. Therefore, you need to broach the topic with them and help them understand what you're feeling. Start with your feelings. That is, use an "I" statement to describe how you're feeling instead of a "you" statement that puts the blame on them. Blaming someone will put them on the defense. For instance, don't say, " You always treat me like a little kid." Instead, say "I feel upset when you still treat me like a child. I've grown up." Be specific by talking about particular statements or behaviors that bother you. For example, you could say, "I love that you help with the kids, but I don't like when you contradict the rules that I've made." You could also say, "I respect your rules when I'm in your house, but I don't like being asked where I am every second of every day." Tell them what you expect. For instance, you could say, "I would really appreciate if you would respect the rules I've set for my kids." or "I would appreciate it if you would treat me like any other adult who stays in your home." If you're telling your mom a story, tell her what you expect from her upfront. For instance, if you're just telling her the story to give her information and you don't really want advice, let her know that. You could say, "Mom, I need to tell you something, but I want you to promise me that you won't offer your judgment at the end. I feel like you need to know this information, but I don't want advice on my choices." That is, often in communication, people are trying to maintain control. It's a power struggle. Often, this type of communication pops up between a parent and an adult child, or even another type of relationship, such as an aunt and niece or nephew. The "adult" still wants to control the adult child, even if that person doesn't realize it. If you're the adult child, you may want to struggle to "win" in this situation. However, often letting go of the power struggle can lead to a healthier relationship. This type of power struggle can make people defensive. You probably feel defensive when another adult in your family, whether it be a parent, aunt, guardian, or grandparent, does it to you. However, by truly listening and letting go of the power struggle, you can cut through some of that defensiveness and both parties can feel more heard and valued. Sometimes, parents and other family members have trouble respecting boundaries because they still see you as a little kid they have a right to rule over. In that case, you need to politely but firmly set boundaries with them because you have your own life now. For instance, say your parents tend to just show up at your house unannounced. You could say, "We love having you here, but we'd appreciate it if you gave us some advanced notice. Sometimes, we have our family time planned, and we need that time to strengthen and grow together." Another way you could address an issue is to say, "I understand that you are concerned about when we're having children. However, it may be some time before we decide to do so. I will definitely let you know when we're thinking about it. Until then, I would appreciate it if you stop asking about it."
Discuss the issue. Be upfront about what you want. Focus on the relationship. Set boundaries.