Problem: What would be an example of an positive review?

Answer: This place's food is great--I would suggest delivery though. They specialize in Turkish Pizzas (Pide) and wow they are good. When you walk into a place it looks like some cafeteria/game room that survived a tornado. The walls are cracking, the only two florescent lights on the ceiling are flickering, there are display coolers that are turned off, and there are only vending machines to get drinks. You can see into an expansive kitchen (I really think the place is a converted cafeteria) and it looked horridly disorganized and in shambles. That's fine though, I had heard good things about it I got their Mediterranean Pizza (Tomatoes, Black Olives, Artichokes) and wow did it impress me. They either did one of two things: used a garlic glaze for the dough, which I am suspicious of because the crust didn't taste oily, or they have some kind of garlic butter in their dough. Either way, its fantastic. The whole thing was thick and fluffy with a perfect balance of fresh tomato sauce and cheese. I loved it. The reason it gets four stars instead of five is that it just seemed to lack that "holy shit" factor that pushes things over the top. I think if their upped their quality of ingredients it would push it to five stars, but their clientele base seems fairly small, so hipsters, get in on the bottom floor of this fad. Definitely order delivery from them because the mezzanine level place is hard to get to and you have to get buzzed into the building.

Problem: What would be an example of an positive review?

Answer: I almost never write Yelp reviews but I felt like I should this time. I usually work on word of mouth when hiring a cleaning person. I've had terrible luck using franchise cleaning services such as the company that rhymes with "Nerry Naids." I find them to be expensive and very inconsistent in terms of quality. Mind you, I'm not a type A neat-freak and I don't mind paying a lot for something if the quality is commensurate with the price, but I've been burned in the past. Since I didn't have any connections this time and the reviews on Yelp have been pretty positive, I decided to try out Wave House Cleaning Service. I was not disappointed. Although I'm a middle-aged professional adult, I'm a spoiled teenager when it comes to housework. I don't want to clean my room! I had been meaning to hire a cleaning service but, for some reason, never got around to it. My place was a mess. A friend who had been staying with me had just moved out and I had been traveling extensively for work so the standard of cleanliness had deteriorated. There was 40 feet of dust on everything. The oven was gross, my floors hadn't been mopped since the Nixon administration, there was toothpaste on the bathroom mirror..... You get the picture. While it hadn't yet reached Hoarder Status, I could take it no more. Enter: Jason. He was an affable fellow. He arrived at the appointed time. We exchanged pleasantries and he got right down to business. I slipped out for a little lunch to let him do his work in peace. When I returned, the house was spotless. I grew up in a house that rivals most hospitals in terms of cleanliness so I know where to look for dirt. I'm reminded of the scene in the movie "Mommie Dearest" where Faye Dunaway chides her housekeeper for lack of attention to detail saying, "Helga, when you polish the floor you have to move the tree." Let me just say, Jason moved the tree. The tops of the picture frames were dusted, the tile floors were spotless, the oven was in showroom condition, the baseboards were scrubbed, the 40 feet of dust was gone. I don't know what magic he used but he restored my home to order. I wanted to have friends over just to show it off. It was model home clean. Hire these guys. They know what they're doing, they're reasonably priced and you won't be disappointed. Ask for Jason. I've already emailed them to schedule another cleaning. Here's to living in a clean space!

Problem: What would be an example of an negative review?

Answer:
Bacon cheddar burger was dry, overcooked and flavorless. Fries were cold. Onion rings were cold and had the texture of a cardboard box.