Problem: Write a positive movie review.

Answer: I loved this movie. I'm a Mexican and was in the least offended by it. In fact, I think this movie should be shown at police headquarters all over Mexico. It's a sad truth that our police system is as rotten as a 3 month old corpse. It angers me to read in the news how killers, kidnappers and other slime go free by paying a laughable fine or live like kings inside prison cells. We should have someone like Creasy, Denzel Washington's character. A bodyguard turned vengeful vigilante. Kidnapping is flourishing industry down here (at least in the big cities). I actually wish real life kidnappers could suffer the same fate as the one's Creasy did his fine job upon. That would be so marvelous (Sorry, I am THAT resentful!). MAN ON FIRE is a gripping film that you can't miss. It might be hard on some of you, if you aren't used to reading subtitles (Mexicans do that ALL the time while watching American movies) but the effort will be well worth it. Some of the editing is a bit fuzzy...kind of like TRAFFIC, remember? (another brilliant take on how corrupt Mexico is). The movie starts out a bit slow but the pace picks up frantically by the second half. I swear you'll be cheering as you watch Denzel Washington dispatch the wrong doers. His performance is nothing short of Excellent. The ending (no spoilers, OK!!!) is a bit sad, but I'm sure you'll like it anyway. MAN ON FIRE is one of the year's best movies. A "must own" for a DVD collection! 9* out of 10

Problem: Write a negative movie review.

Answer: I just blew four dollars renting this movie! Why Alliance Atlantis would promote such a poor excuse for a film is beyond me. But even more surprising was the reasonably good reviews that a couple of Canadian newspaper critics gave this film. I'm tired of our media justifying a film simply because it's Canadian and low budget. It's like they expect Canadian films to be lousy, so they give it a good review regardless.

Now about the movie: The acting was below average (with the exception of the lead male character, who was actually pretty good). The film quality was poor, which I guess could be expected from the extremely low budget. The script was absolutely horrendous. An example is the story, which revolves around one of the lead characters, a female drug dealer who flirts with one of her clients so that she can recruit him to fix and steal bicycles for her gang, whose only purpose is to randomly destroy SUV's. Supposedly many of her gang members' bicycles are destroyed in these activities (I don't know how she can't afford to just buy new ones, since she is supposed to be this big drug dealing connection from Vancouver to Toronto).

Anyway, the point of the story (which isn't revealed until well over halfway through the movie) is that the drug dealer plans to firebomb buildings in the Toronto area to attempt to make houses more affordable - as no one will want to live in the area.

- Need I say more.

Shame on the Toronto Film Festival for accepting such a film, Telefilm for supporting it, and the Globe and Mail and Georgia Straight newspapers for giving such biased reviews.

A film shouldn't get special treatment just because it's Canadian!!!!

Problem: Write a positive movie review.

Answer: One of the best movies I ever saw was an Irish movie titled Philadelphia,Here I Come. I read the play before I saw the movie and loved them both. It's the story of a young man preparing to leave Ireland to go to America because he can't earn a living in Ireland. It is told both from the perspective of the young man(whom the other characters in the film can see) and another young man representing his uncensored thoughts and feelings., but who cannot be seen by the other characters in the film. It is a very sad movie, but deeply touching, and I would recommend this film to anyone who wants something to think about. I love any Irish movie, or almost any movie about Ireland, and any film that has the late Irish actor Donal McCann in it gets my vote.I would watch that man chew gum for 2 hours on screen, and unfortunately,I have.Terrible shame to have lost him so young.

Problem: Write a negative movie review.

Answer:
Oh god, what a horrible, horrible film. Meant to be a comment on the state of society, it's just a reflection of the worst of the worst in reality TV. Interstitials hosted by Jason Jones and Don McKellar are the most obnoxious part, written in a tone that is perhaps meant to be reflexive and insightful. Rather, these moments are mind numbing as they speak to the camera with dialogue written by someone with a love for insulting, condescending speech that shoves the "meaning" of the film down the viewer's throat.

Also, a point to would-be filmmakers: Long takes and quiet scenes do not equal art. Neither do extreme angles or logic stretched to the point of absurdity.

If anyone out there is interested in watching this film, please don't. Seriously. Please. You have better things to do.