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It is easy to say that a good child listens to her parents (and other authority figures) and does what she is told. While this is normally true, it is more important that children learn to take responsibility for what they need to do. As a child who strives to be your best, you need to accept that there are things you have to do, for the benefit of yourself and others. The goal of being a good child isn't really about giving your parents a little less grief (although they will welcome that). Good children learn qualities that will help them become happy, successful, "good" adults. For example, you need to take responsibility for doing your homework and completing your chores, without constant reminders or resistance. This will help you to become more self-motivated, self-sufficient, and successful in work and life as an adult. Every one of us (including adults) sometimes gets angry, frustrated, whiny, or stressed out. There is no way to deny or avoid these emotions, and it would be unhealthy to do so anyway. However, you can work on recognizing and managing your emotions more effectively. Learning to control anger is one of the most important lessons for children. When you feel anger welling up, simple steps like taking deep breaths, in the nose and out the mouth, and counting to five can help you calm and contain it. Then, you can think more clearly about what caused the anger and what you can do differently next time to manage it. Uncontrolled anger isn't always the cause of bad behavior, though. Sometimes kids act out when they are upset, sad, confused, or lonely. You might experience these emotions if you've been bullied in school, left out of a group activity, or rejected by a friend. When you feel down, talk to an adult you trust. If you can talk to your parents about your emotions, it can improve your relationship with them. There is no shame in seeking help from a counselor or other expert if you need it, though. "Good boys and girls tell the truth." You may have heard this said to you, and it is usually true. But the bigger picture is that honesty is a key part of building relationships based on trust. This will benefit you as a child and as an adult. Healthy relationships require trust, and trust is built on honesty. You may want to lie to your parents in order to avoid punishment or avoid hurting their feelings. This usually doesn't work, though, and it will get in the way of developing a more mature relationship with them. No matter how upset parents may become when hearing the truth you failed a test because you didn't study, stole a candy bar from the store, made fun of a vulnerable classmate, etc. they will also feel some pride in your choice to be honest. It is an important sign of growth and trust. Even the best kids make plenty of mistakes. It is part of growing up, and simply of being human. The important thing is what you do with your imperfections. Learning from mistakes is a sign of maturity and is sure to be appreciated by your parents. If you did poorly on a big test because of a lack of preparation, are you ready to accept the importance of studying? If you were grounded for talking back to your mother in public, do you now understand the importance of showing respect? When a thoughtful, maturing child makes such mistakes, she learns from them and moves forward better off for it. Even the most demanding parents will accept some mistakes from their children, especially if they are not repeated mistakes. All parents love seeing evidence of growth and maturity in their children. Learning from a mistake instead of repeating it is always a positive sign. Children who are seen as "bad" because of bad behavior often have trouble dealing with their problems in the proper way. Confusion and frustration often lead to bad decisions. But being able to recognize and solve problems puts you on a path toward self-reliance and confidence. Remember how proud your parents were when you put a puzzle together by yourself, or wrote your own name? Even when you learned to unlatch the kitchen cabinet and made a giant mess everywhere, there was probably some pride mixed in, because parents know the importance of self-reliance and problem solving skills in the adult world. For kids, problems often result from a conflict with another kid. For a kid-friendly guide to conflict resolution, consider visiting http://www.cyh.com/HealthTopics/HealthTopicDetailsKids.aspx?p=335&np=287&id=1521. Its problem-solving steps include: Understand. Let each person involved clearly express the problem as they see it. Avoid making things worse. Don't scream, insult, or take physical action against the other kid(s), no matter how upset you are. Stay calm and work through the problem. Work together. Explain how you feel about the conflict by saying something like "I feel angry when ..." or "I need to feel ...". Then listen carefully while the other children involved speak. Find the solution. Brainstorm different possible solutions together, and choose the one that best meets the needs of everyone involved. As we just discussed, learning to recognize and solve problems yourself is an important skill for kids (and adults). But, just as important is being able to recognize and accept when you need help dealing with a problem. It doesn't help you to "quit" on your math homework without trying to figure it out yourself. But it is also not useful to refuse to ask for help when you need it because you insist on doing everything yourself. No child (or adult) can solve every problem herself. Your parents want to give you assistance when you need it, and will see your willingness to ask as a positive sign. Don't expect them to solve every problem for you, though that is a sign of immaturity. How do you know when to keep trying to solve a problem yourself, and when to ask for help? There is no secret formula; you have to trust yourself to make the decision. Have you given the problem your best effort? Are you out of ideas for how to deal with it? If so, then it is probably time to ask for assistance.
Accept your responsibilities. Manage your emotions. Be honest and trusting. Expect imperfection and learn from your mistakes. Learn to solve problems yourself. Know when to ask for help.