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. To feel emotions along with someone else, you've got to be able to feel them in yourself. Are you tuned in to your feelings? Do you notice when you're feeling happy, sad, angry or afraid? Do you let these feelings rise to the surface, and do you express them? If you tend to tamp down your emotions instead of allowing them to be part of your life, work on letting yourself feel a bit more deeply. It's pretty common to push aside negative feelings. For example, it's more fun to distract yourself with TV or go to the bar than it is to sit down and think about something upsetting that happened. But pushing feelings aside creates a disconnect, a lack of familiarity. When you can't express your own sadness, how can you expect to feel someone else's? Take time every day to let your emotions surface. Instead of hurriedly blocking out negative feelings, think them through. Be angry and afraid, and deal with the feelings in a healthy way, like by crying, or writing your thoughts down, or discussing how you feel with a friend. . Hear what the person is saying, and notice the inflection in their voice. Observe all the little clues that belie a way that someone is feeling. Maybe her lip is trembling and her eyes are glistening. Maybe it's more subtle - she's looking down a lot, or she seems vacant. Put yourself aside and absorb the person's story. Set aside judgement while you listen. If you find yourself remembering a disagreement you had, or feeling critical about the person's choices, or feeling anything that takes you out of the moment, struggle to reorient yourself into listening mode. Have you ever read a moving story that was so engaging, you forgot yourself? For a few minutes there, you became that character, and you knew exactly how it would feel to see your father for the first time in 10 years or lose your love to someone else. Feeling empathy in a person isn't so different. When you're listening to someone and really trying to understand, a moment will come when you start feeling what the other person is feeling. You'll see a glimpse of what it means to be them. Empathy can be painful! It hurts to absorb someone else's pain, and it takes effort to engage on such a deep level. Perhaps that's why empathy is on the decline - it's just easier to keep conversations light, to stay safely self-contained. If you want to be more empathetic, you can't shy away from people's feelings. Realize that they're going to have an effect on you and that you might come away feeling different. But you'll have a deeper understanding of the other person, a foundation on which to build a more solid connection. Ask questions that show you're listening. Use body language that shows you're engaged: make eye contact, lean in a little, don't fidget. Nod, shake your head, or smile when it's appropriate to do so. These are all ways to show your empathy in the moment, to build trust with the person who is sharing feelings with you. If you seem distracted, look away, or give other cues that you're not listening or you aren't interested, the person will probably close up and stop sharing. Another way to show empathy is to share yourself, too. Making yourself as vulnerable as the other person is can build trust and mutual connection. Let down your guard and get into the conversation. Being empathetic toward someone is a learning experience, and it's good to let the knowledge you gained influence your future actions. Maybe that means standing up for someone who gets bullied a lot, because you understand him better now. It might change the way you behave next time you meet someone new, or your views on certain social or political issues. Let empathy influence the way you move through the world.
Get in touch with your own emotions Listen carefully Pretend that you're the other person. Don't be afraid to feel uncomfortable. Show the other person you feel for them. Use your empathy to help other people.