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Think carefully about whether to go no contact. Avoid putting yourself at the mercy of your parent. Take control of conversations. Let your parent know what behaviors you won't accept any more. Accept who your parent is and stop trying to change them.
Making the decision to "divorce" a toxic parent can be very difficult. In some cases, cutting contact might be necessary for your mental health and happiness. In other cases, you may be able to maintain a relationship by setting better personal boundaries with your parent. Make this decision with your long-term well-being in mind. It might help to write out a pros and cons list. Write out all the benefits of getting distance with your parent versus any disadvantages you can think of. You might include pros such as "Peace of mind," while cons might be "Missing their presence." If you decide to maintain your relationship with your parent, establish that you are an independent adult now. Don't put yourself in situations where you won't be able to leave if you need to. Instead, set limits on when and where you'll see your parent. For instance, don't stay overnight at your parent's house and don't let them drive you places. Consider meeting them in public instead of at home, so they'll be less likely to say or do something hurtful. If your parent tends to hijack conversations by belittling you or bossing you around, change the topic instead of letting them continue. If that doesn't work, tell them you have to go, and break off the conversation. For instance, if your mother is criticizing the way you've redecorated your house, you could redirect the conversation by saying, "I like how the living room looks now. What did you do last weekend?" Make sure that you always have an exit line or exit strategy to help you in these types of situations. Set boundaries for what you're not willing to live with. Then tell your parent what you need from them and what actions you will take if they don't respect your boundaries. For example, say something like, "Dad, it's not okay with me that you insult my husband when he's not here. I need you to stop doing that around me, or I'll have to leave." Only set consequences that you can enforce. For instance, don't threaten to leave unless you are prepared to do so. Change your mindset by acknowledging and accepting who your parent is and giving up on trying to change them. Your parent will likely never accept responsibility for being toxic. To protect yourself, try to lower your expectations of your parent.