Reach out to the new kid first. They might feel nervous or anxious about reaching out to other students, whether it's for friendship or to get help. By being the first to talk to them, you're letting them know there's nothing to worry about. Be positive when talking to them and be kind. Try to greet them early in the school day. This gives you a chance to get to know them and help them out throughout the day. Introduce yourself by name and make them feel welcome. For example, you can say: "Hi! My name's Lucy! I'm so happy to meet you. What's your name?" Learn a little about them by asking questions. Show that you're interested in them and want to learn more. Asking about their interests will help you see if you have any points in common with them. You'll also be able to suggest extracurricular activities for them, or even set them up with future friends. Do this outside of class during break or lunch so that you don't get them in trouble with their teachers. Ask them what activities they were involved with at their old school. This will help guide them towards activities they can do at their new school. Don't be afraid to go into your own interests as well. This can help develop a bond with the new kid, especially if you have interests in common. It also gives you a chance to suggest after-school activities for them to try. Tell them something about yourself to help them remember you and give them idea of your interests. For example, say: "I play trombone in the school band." Let them know about any activities you do outside of school the day before. This way, you can invite them to come with you.

Summary: Greet them warmly. Find out more about them. Talk just a little about yourself.

Safety, acceptance, and other concerns you have are perfectly valid reasons not to come out. Additionally, you are not obligated to educate anyone about what it's like to be LGBTQ+. Your health comes first, and if that means not mentioning that you're transgender, that's okay. You may feel like everyone at school is picking you apart, but it's more likely that you're the only person who's closely analyzing you. Most high schoolers are absorbed in their own lives and worried about themselves, which means they aren't thinking about you so much. Try not to worry about what other people might be thinking. Even if you don't quite match up to what you think your gender expectations might be, it's likely that no one's going to notice or care. Even if someone notices something "different" about you, they're likely not going to say anything. For instance, you might be a girl with a slightly deep voice or a shorter guy, but it's unlikely anyone is going to point it out or ask you about it. Do your best to not listen to your worries about what people might say. Some guys tease each other about perceived weakness, a.k.a. femininity, and you may be on the receiving end if you're a trans guy. You can shrug it off as good-natured teasing if you feel comfortable with that. If someone's comments bother you, take the teaser aside in private, explain that it bothers you, and ask them to stop. You might say, "Hey, I know you're just kidding around, but I'm self conscious about my size. It hurts my feelings when you make fun of me, and I'd appreciate it if you stopped." You might also talk to an adult if you feel nervous confronting the teaser or the teasing continues. You might feel gnawed at by worries that you don't pass or saddled with dysphoria at needing to pretend to be someone you aren't. This is difficult, and it will be stressful at times. To help you get through the difficult times, take really good care of yourself physically and emotionally. Eat a healthy diet, exercise, and sleep well. Incorporate stress relievers into your day to help you stay calm. For instance, you might journal, exercise, or talk to a close friend.

Summary: Don't be mad at yourself for staying in the closet. Recognize that others are focused on themselves, not on you. Expect for people to keep their thoughts to themselves in most cases. Practice self care to help you feel your best.

Mind and heart don't have to be mutually exclusive. That is, you can find ways to make them work together. Start with your values. The heart often speaks to a sense of deep-seated values that don't always get included in your rational thought process. The reconciliation starts here. You need to be able to identify what your deepest values are and let them guide your rational thought. Try to deconstruct your values, if you have never really thought about it before. How were you raised? Ask yourself what values your parents emphasized wealth, education, status, appearance? Were you rewarded for high achievement in school, for instance? How do you live now? You should be able to see how your values have shaped your life. Do you live in the city, the suburbs, or the country? What led you there? What do you do for a living? Someone who teaches probably values money less than someone who is a banker. On the other hand, a banker may put less importance on education than a teacher. What do you spend your money on? This more than anything else says a lot about what values drive your behavior. Do you spend money on cars? Travel? Clothing? Or perhaps the arts and charity? The aim of thinking in terms of your values is not to tame your rational mind, but to work with it. Since values usually lie behind your heart, you should try to harness them and use them within your rational thought process. Who should you marry? Where should you work? These are things that need rational consideration, but that should also align closely with your most cherished values. Gain as much information as you can about choices. What is the probable benefit of a decision? Will it be something you'll ever regret? Your rational mind and heart may be giving you conflicting thoughts about a decision, and you will need to seek out all possible detail and evaluate it. Identify problems: what might go wrong? Say that you are thinking of getting married and really want children. However, your girlfriend has said she isn't interested in having a family. While your rational mind may say that you love her, you should also listen to your heart and recognize that the importance you place on family does not align with her values. Explore options: think carefully about what's best for you. Sometimes, your first intuition will be right. However, at other times your heart needs to be balanced with a rational decision. One way to help you come to a good decision is to consider the problem in terms of your highest values. How do the possible solutions relate to your values? You may have to make a map of your values going from most important to least in order to see where they land in your personal hierarchy. Back to the problem of marriage. If family is a make-or-break issue for you, marrying someone who doesn't want children could be a disaster, even if you love her. But if you value close bonds with your partner more than having children, there might be room to negotiate. It seems strange, right? Thinking rationally about the heart? Just remember that the two are not contradictory. You only have to learn to listen to your heart and discover what lies behind it. Think carefully and let your values play a big role in decision-making, but do so rationally. Make choices that best serve your values and that prioritize the ones that are most important to you. Keep practicing. Eventually, you'll start to find personal power in your decisions and create a marriage of your heart and mind. By listening to your heart, you can train your mind to work in harmony with it.
Summary: Identify your core values. Think about decisions in terms of your values. Consider your highest values before deciding. Make a decision based on a rational look at your intuitive values.