Problem: Write a negative yelp review.
A: Did not get even close to what I ordered. I ordered a tagliatelle pasta, which the waiter repeated after I said it, and I ended up with a salad. What would have otherwise been a great culinary experience was ruined by the waiter's very odd mistake. I was thinking I would be back until I got the salad, which sealed the deal for me. Make sure you save a lot of time because this is definitely a slower pace meal.

Problem: Write a positive yelp review.
A: As it was "Restaurant Week" in Las Vegas, RM Seafood offered a prix fixe for $30.09. The second course of this prix fixe was the signature "RM Cioppino" which normally runs around $33 by itself. We had the prix fixe. The host was professional and friendly. A bit too handsome though, I prefer my fine dining host to be an attractive-yet-seemingly-sexually-accessible female, or an eager-to-please eunuch. The wait staff were all attentive and quick, hustling about without looking as though they were rushing. If I worked at this restaurant, they would have to hide my sweaty fumbling in a back refrigerator. The ambiance was pleasant. The lighting was just dim enough for the candles to add a visual warmth. The sounds from the kitchen and surrounding conversations held at soothing levels. The biscuits and cornbread were tasty. We each ordered an appetizer. (three of us) I got the Top Chef Masters Moondoggies. Basically a seafood corndog, but not basic at all! Absolutely delicious. Since a series of superlatives won't do this deep-fried-wonder-on-a-stick justice, I will attempt a play-by-play of my mouth: 8:32pm Waiter arrives with Moondoggies. Two "moondoggies", each roughly the size of a C-cell battery, accompanied by a small mound of slaw. I pick up a moondoggie. Heat radiates from the dog as my teeth break though outer crust of cornmeal, which cracks in a manner similar to a deep-fried spring roll wrapper. My teeth cleave through the steaming mantle of cornmeal and firm "dog" flesh, and the fried shell touches my tongue. Its surface feels glassy, as if made up of thousands of smooth, tiny pebbles. I chew, as the umami-rich juice of the dog fills my mouth. Once solid flesh of the dog breaks into its components, a chunk of shrimp here, a scallion disk there, a bit of cilantro, a sliver of garlic. I continue to chew, the savory dog mixes with the light sweetness of the cornmeal. Bits of the crispy cornmeal shell sporadically crackle. I sip water I lick a bit of the green cilantro mayonnaise squiggle they have squirted upon the dog. It's nice, but a little too mild to factor heavily in the flavor play. Maybe if I had a little bowl to dip the dog in? 8:33-5pm More biting and chewing with similar results. 8:36pm Moondoggie named lightweight champion of my mouth. The other appetizers were a shrimp cocktail (very good, but nothing worth writing about) and a Beef Tartar (well spiced and tender, with great flavor, but again, not a champion.) One friend ordered a glass of wine, so we all did. I can't tell you how ignorant I am about wine, so let me show you: The wine comes to the table. I take a sip, and I damn-near hear music it is so good. They must have stolen this stuff from God's own cellar, from the door with the lock on it. I ask "what is this?". My friend, who eats at fine dining establishments about as often as I eat at Arby's (about once a week, *sob*), says, "I'm not sure, but it's a pinot noir". I think to myself, "but this is a 'White' wine. 'Noir' means 'Black' in the French language." Luckily, I didn't reveal how stupid I am by uttering any of that out loud. I just said, "Really?" and made a puzzled face. So the wine was really good, and now I'm beginning to wonder why my two best friends put up with my ignorant ass. On to the Prix Fixe: 1st Course Iceberg BLT Bacon, Sweet 100's, Buttermilk Ranch Dressing Yuck! This was the worst part of the meal. A wedge of iceberg lettuce, two cherry tomatos, some bacon, and crumbled bleu cheese. I really think someone forgot the rest of the buttermilk dressing. I ate it all anyway. Fat bastard. 2nd Course RM Cioppino This is what a great recipe properly executed tastes like. Mussels, clams, prawns, seasonal fish, and calamarata pasta tied together by a light, mouthwateringly memorable, tomato broth/sauce. Mussels and clams popped lightly when bitten, the flesh tender when chewed. The pasta, cooked to bull's eye perfection, was a wonderful foil for the broth and it's tiny chunks of tomato. To be honest, the prawns were the slightest bit overcooked when compared to the mussels and clams (where was the pop and give? the tenderness?). The small cubes of seasonal fish, like the pasta, seemed to accentuate the savory broth rather than standing on its own. The dish was accompanied by two pieces of heavy-fat garlic bread. Yet another vehicle for that incredible broth. It's a substantial course. Imagine a globe the size of a basketball. Slice through this basketball/globe at the arctic circle, from the arctic circle up to the north pole is around the amount of deliciousness you get. 3rd Course Blueberry Cobbler Bellys full, our dining experience requirements soundly met, and fearing disappointment, we considered asking for the check and exiting at this most excellent moment. Could a desert synonymous with shoe repair provide a satisfying coda to this nourishing sonata? Absolutely. Definitely stick around for this bad boy.

Problem: Write a positive yelp review.
A:
I was on my way home from work when I saw this Safeway store and decided to do my bi-weekly shopping trip there. I loved that I was able to find everything I needed in the store, eventually. I had a lot of help from one of the clerks that worked there (even though it was past 9 PM), he walked me to each isle and helped me find what I was looking for. So anyways after a good 30 minutes I decided to checkout. I remember my cashier was Emmanuel and the person that bagged for me was David. They were both so nice and funny and managed to fill my entire cart perfectly without any incidents, unlike other stores who are the worst at bagging groceries. I was even offered help out to my car, which I gladly took since I had injured my wrist. Now that's what I call quality service. .