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It's important to know the signs of a child who is angry or upset so you can help them connect their emotions to verbal or physical cues. Then they can recognize when they're getting upset. These can be expressed verbally or through physical actions. Here are a few to watch out for: Clenched fists Tension or holding themselves tightly Angry facial expressions Stomping Verbal outbursts such as yelling and cursing One of the simplest fixes for an upset child is to make sure their basic needs are met. Here's a list of some basic needs that most children require: Physical needs such as not being hungry, cold, or tired. Attention. Children need attention from caregivers and people around them. Read them a book or play games together. Stimulation. Children need novel stimulation in order to thrive. New toys, friends, and activities can help them avoid emotional problems. Feeling safe and security. If your home is chaotic, they may act out because of feeling insecure. Laughter is a great way to break tension and release difficult emotions after the child has calmed down. Do something that makes the child laugh. Just make sure they don't think you're laughing at them, and also make sure it's an appropriate time to lighten the mood (not, for example, in the middle of a big argument). Here are some things you can do: Tell a joke. Watch a funny TV show or read a funny book together. Make funny faces. This is most effective with younger children. Touch is known to calm nerves, especially if it's coming from a loving, trusted source. Hugging and embracing release oxytocin in the body, which is the "bonding hormone." This hormone reduces stress levels and increases positive feelings. If a child is upset and overwhelmed, offer plenty of touch in order to help them recover and show him that you're a trustworthy source of comfort. Don't restrain the child, even accidentally. This can increase their feelings of powerlessness, and teach them that they need someone else to control their behavior. Stressful situations can reduce anyone to an emotional mess, adults as well as children. Sometimes the most effective approach is to remove the child from the distress. For example, if they throw a tantrum over wanting something in a store, exit the store as quickly as possible. You can deal with the behavior afterward; your first step should be to reduce the intensity of the situation, if possible. This will make it easier for everyone involved. It's not out of the ordinary for kids to use physical aggression to try and get what they want. If a child tends to act out physically, try to get them to channel their energy into other ways of expressing themselves. Reward them when they tell you what's wrong or draw an angry picture rather than becoming violent. Lashing out physically is a form of communication that some children learn can be effective. Make sure not to reinforce the behavior by giving in to their demands or allowing them to be violent without consequences. Don't forget to keep your own safety in mind. Pacify a violent child if you can. Take steps to prevent injury. If they attack if you get close, then don't get in their personal space. Wait until they are calm enough to be approached. Absolutely avoid responding with physical aggression of your own. This will teach them that it's an effective way to communicate and get what they want. Contact a therapist who specializes in treating children if physical aggression is a common event and is violent. Children can be predictable in getting angry and upset. Pay specific attention to "trouble times" with the child, such as right before bed or when they need to do homework. Be extra sensitive and aware of the child's feelings in these moments. You don't need to make excuses for them, but it's helpful to be aware of these higher stress times. Prepare in advance if the child regularly has issues handling a particular behavior. Create a game-plan for how to react so that you can avoid spur of the moment decisions. It's more effective to reinforce the things the child does right than to punish bad behavior. You can't always avoid punishment, but if possible, wait for your child to do something right and then encourage that behavior. Here are some ways you can reward good behavior: Use nonverbal communication. Head nods, smiles, and hugs are an effective way to reinforce behavior and better the relationship without needing to spend money. Provide extra positive attention. Be specific with verbal praise. If the child does well on a test, tell them "I'm proud of you for working hard on this test." It's a great idea to show your child how to calm themselves down during moments of anger and being upset. These skills will make things easier for you and teach them to manage their emotions early, so that they are less likely to develop emotional problems later on in life. Here are some suggestions for things to teach: Apply deep pressure. This could mean asking for a back rub from a loved one, giving themselves a hand massage, wrapping themselves tightly in a blanket, or using a weighted lap pad or blanket. Offer drawing, painting, or coloring materials. This can help them focus on something other than being upset while also giving them an outlet for their emotions. Show him the same deep breathing techniques that you use. You can make it playful by exaggerating the bodily movements. Provide a calming item or favorite stuffed animal that they can touch or hug when upset. If they are scared to be away from home, you can provide a small reminder of safety that they can carry in their pocket, and they can can touch or look at when feeling sad or anxious.
Look for signs of being angry or upset. Make sure their basic needs are met. Laugh with them. Calm them down with physical affection. Change the environment. Handle physical aggression appropriately. Be careful around triggering events. Reinforce good behavior. Teach the child ways to self-soothe.