Problem: This review is like what?

Review:What a terrible film. It sucked. It was terrible. I don't know what to say about this film but DinoCrap, which I stole from some reviewer with a nail up his ass. AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sigh.. It's not Roger Corman that I hate, it's this god-awful movie. Well, really? But what can you expect from a movie with Homoeric computer graphics. Which is another thing, the CGI sucked out loud; I hate this movie dreadfully. This is without a doubt the worst Roger Corman B-Movie, and probably the gayest B-Movie too. It's-it's--- DINOCRAP! I'm sorry, I must have offended some nerds in these moments. It's just an awful movie... 0/1,000
+++++++++
A: negative

Problem: This review is like what?

Review:"Shinobi" is one of those movies that thinks the mere act of killing off a character automatically brings a sense of gravitas or emotion to the story. Unfortunately, for the audience to actually care about the people dying, you have to develop the characters, otherwise all you have is a bunch of random acts of violence. The problem is especially compounded when you have TONS of characters, all of whom die.

OK, so if you can't be bothered to make the characters memorable or sympathetic in any way, you can at least make the REASONS for why they die plausible, right? Nope. Here we have a war between two ninja clans, with neither side really knowing WHY they are fighting each other. They kill each other because the emperor says so. Yet even well after it becomes glaringly obvious that the emperor wants ALL of them dead, they still refuse to abandon their meaningless missions. That's not stubbornness... that's just plain dumb.

Fine, fine! There is no character development, and the plot provides no reasonable rationale for fighting. At least they die fighting in cool action scenes, right? Yet again, NO! In fact, many of the fights aren't even fights at all: super ninjas that the movie spent so much time and effort introducing die suddenly (and lamely, in my opinion). I'm talking about things like, "Lalala, I'm walking along and I- *neck gets slashed*." THE END for that character. Not even halfway through the film, I threw my hands up in frustration at the ludicrousness of it.
+++++++++
A: negative

Problem: This review is like what?

Review:So fortunate were we to see this fantastic film at the Palm Springs International Film festival. Upon entering the theater we were handed a small opinion card that would be used for our personal rating of the film. Looking at the card I turned to my wife and said, "How many movies in your life do you think you can rate as superb? Only about 5 for me." But then watching the interaction between Peter Falk and Paul Reiser while viewing the spectacular scenery in the film's setting of New York state, I slowly starting bumping the movie up a category at a time. Certainly it was good but the totally natural repoire of the actors and an award winning performance by a man who will unfortunately probably be remembered for a raincoat wearing detective rather than this film, the movie jumped to the excellent level.

By the end of the film there were few dry eyes in the house and my usually stoic and callous heart melted just like the Grinch's and I ended up giving this a superb.

This picture is a must for anyone who has parents. No violence or nudity but some strong language.
+++++++++
A:
positive