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In the wake of loss, you often forget your bigger goals in life. You may think losing your first love means you've failed on the goal to find a loving relationship in life. However, look at your larger goals in terms of relationships. One failed relationship does not mean you've failed on your goals. Revisit what you want out of life. In addition to finding a loving partner, think of other goals. What kind of career or education do you want, for example? Remember that it's okay to take a break from relationships for a while. You don't have to focus on finding romance again right away. Give yourself time to heal and pursue other goals, then get back into dating when you're ready. One loss does not mean you have failed. In fact, the vast majority of people face a lot of loss and rejection on the path to larger goals. You do not need this one particular person to eventually reach your goals. Many people feel getting involved with someone else will help them forget their first love. While a new relationship can help distract you from thoughts of the current one, you're not likely to find relationship success this way. Instead of jumping into a new romance, take some time to reflect. Think about what you want out of a relationship. Think about the ways your need were and were not met. This will help you figure out how to find a more suitable partner in the future. Many people jump from romance to romance, hoping to find the right person. However, if you're not okay on your own, you will not be able to have a functional romance. You need to grieve your first love and figure out what you want for the future. When you're recovering from a recent breakup, you will probably be very emotionally vulnerable for a while. The feelings that you may develop for other people during this time will not always be rational. Be cautious about pursuing these feelings, since you may be at risk of being hurt or taken advantage of by someone who recognizes your vulnerability. Look for a friend, family member, or c-worker who has also suffered heartbreak, but moved on successfully. Try to model your behavior off of someone who does not need a relationship to feel fulfilled and happy. Find someone who does okay on their own. You want to lean on someone who does not need a relationship to feel fulfilled. Once you've found someone, think about how they cope with heartbreak. Look for the ways they stay independent and strong after a relationship ends. If you feel comfortable doing so, ask the person to be your mentor. Reach out to them for advice from time to time during your recovery process. However, take care not to become too needy or dependent on them. While you may want to move forward, it's important to acknowledge your feelings. Take steps to feel better, but accept sadness is a normal part of the process. Getting over a first love is hard, and even if you're doing everything right it will not happen over night. Do not beat yourself up for having bad days. This is normal and it will take time to move on. Don't panic if a reminder of your ex leaves you feeling bad. If you try to hard to avoid the bad feeling, you may make it worse. Instead, accept that you're going to feel sad for a bit. Let yourself cry if necessary. Get the bad feelings out so you can continue to move forward. To help you gain perspective, think about times when you've felt sad in the past, and remember that you eventually felt better. Remind yourself that the sadness will diminish, and that you will begin to have more good days again as time passes.
Revisit your larger goals. Give yourself time before dating again. Model your behavior after someone else. Accept you will be sad for a while.