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Find qualities that you admire in others and that you want to learn. If you can't think of any right away, think of people that you wish you were like and think about what it is about them that you like. Are they kind? Ambitious? Hard working? These are qualities you should look for. Think about the things that you don't like about yourself. Don't focus on things like your weight, because your body is really just the container you're in, it's not who you are. Things like weight should be tackled after changing stuff like your attitude towards others, your work ethic, and your skills. Think about what you want to change. These have to be things that you really do want to change. It's true what they say: the first part of solving a problem is admitting that you have one. Figure out what really means the most to you and what would be motivating enough to change your lifestyle. Talk to others that you trust, like lovers, friends, and family members. Tell them what you want to change about your life and why. They might have some good insight that can help you in bettering yourself, as well as a clearer view of who you are as a person. Start with small goals. Don't start with something like "stop smoking". Instead, try "smoke less". Breaking goals up into smaller goals will help keep you motivated and make your goals more realistic. Think about where these goals sit in your life priorities. This can really change how much effort you put into bettering yourself. If you don't set a deadline for a change, the goal will feel unreal and intangible, and you'll be less likely to complete it. Start! Don't just think about goals or what you want to do, go out and do them!
Identify qualities you admire. Identify your flaws. Decide what you want to change. Get input. Start small, work up. Decide on a timeline. Follow through.