If you can take loss as a learning experience rather than an abject failure, then you can transcend what happened and move on with your life. You may have been defeated, but you need not be defeatist. If you finish tall, reflect and learn, and move on with a smile on your face, you haven't been defeated. You've grown, and you've been taught a lesson. If you carry yourself in the same way any other time you are defeated, you'll find it easier and easier every time and you may come to realize that you've won in a different way: by improving yourself, and by learning. Try to take it as a premise that failure has a role in your journey. Ask yourself about the purpose of this failure; what you can learn from it; and why it happened. Think about why you failed, and whether you could have done anything. Ask yourself whether you unconsciously forced yourself to fail because you are unsure of the goal you're trying to reach. Think back on what happened, and look for lessons. Analyse the situation objectively. Figure out what you can realistically do to stop this from happening again and make it actionable. Focus on the future. The more you focus on your next win, the better you may feel about your last defeat. Not all winners have won their first match. If you don't accept defeat gracefully, you will act rashly. People may notice if you don't handle your loss in a mature way. No matter what led to your defeat, make sure that you don't let it stop you from doing what you love. Most people come up against failure at one point or another including (and perhaps especially) winners. You'll never improve if you don't keep trying, and you may regret it later if you quit based on this one defeat. Many people fail their way to success. Thomas Edison failed many times before inventing the light bulb, but he was able to persevere forward. When you finally do win, take some time to reflect. How have your failures helped you? You'll feel far more satisfied when you have all that struggle behind you.

Summary: Try to learn from what happened. Improve on your mistakes. Keep playing the game.

Start by contacting your insurance company for a list of in-network providers in your area to find someone. You can also ask your doctor, contact your Employee Assistance Program, or get in touch with your community health department for referrals to counselors who can help you treat your anxiety. You can even ask a friend who also struggles with anxiety if they know of any good counselors. Counselors will work with you to find the underlying concerns behind your anxiety, and teach you techniques to manage your anxiety. Many counselors or counseling agencies have websites that will give you background information about counselors, and their areas of expertise. Do not be embarrassed or ashamed if you need additional support to manage your anxiety. Counselors are there to support you, help you better understand your own patterns and habits, and provide you with coping strategies you may not have thought of on your own. Counselors understand that it can be difficult to start therapy. If the idea of starting therapy causes you anxiety, then you don't have to think of it as starting therapy. You can simply think of it as getting an assessment and then taking their recommended treatment into consideration. When you talk with your counselor, they will listen to your concerns and develop a treatment plan to help you address them. Most likely, they will use a therapeutic technique known as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) in your course of treatment. CBT helps people see the connection between their thoughts and feelings and their subsequent actions/behaviors. While your treatment will vary, your therapist may address your anxious thought patterns and acknowledge their dysfunction, while teaching you how develop new, positive thought patterns to handle situations. For example, your therapist may help you deconstruct your feeling that "every bad thing that happens to me is my fault." Your therapist could point out something like, "When you rolled over that nail and got a flat tire, was that really your fault? Was there any way you could have known about a nail in the middle of the street?" Your therapist may teach you strategies to correct a negative pattern of thinking. For example, if you find yourself easily overwhelmed, your therapist may say, "Let's try breaking down all your stressors this week into manageable steps. You have a busy week ahead. Let's look at your meeting on Monday. What can you do to help yourself be prepared for just that meeting?" Another option for psychotherapy treatment is interpersonal therapy. Interpersonal therapy works with the idea that psychological stress can stem from interpersonal issues. A therapist will work with you to uncover the root of your anxiety, and help you unpack and it manage it, building on your personality strengths and weaknesses. Interpersonal therapy may be helpful for you if you struggle with social and relationship issues. For example, it may be helpful if your anxiety is related to problems with your family. Couples or family therapy is another option. Two therapies, acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) incorporate mindfulness techniques into their treatment. If you find yourself needing to be more mindful -- living in the moment and experiencing things without judgment -- you may find these therapeutic techniques useful in managing your anxiety. ACT helps you to recognize ways in which you control your own emotional experiences create challenges in your life. Instead of suppressing or managing feelings, you learn to accept them without judging yourself and become more compassionate towards yourself. DBT is a more structured therapeutic approach that may involve group therapy and skills training as well as individual therapy. It may be used to help treat your anxiety in conjunction with another chronic mental illness or personality disorder. Mindfulness techniques are taught in conjunction with all aspects of skills training and help you increase your tolerance for distress and better regulate your emotions. If your anxiety is triggered by a phobia, you may find success utilizing exposure therapy or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy to help you overcome your fears. Exposure therapy is gradual, controlled exposure to the situation or object that triggers your fear or anxiety. Over time, you may become less sensitive to the triggering situation. This is also helpful if you suffer from obsessive-compulsive disorder. EMDR uses eye movement techniques (similar to those you have when you are dreaming, or in REM sleep) to help you process disturbing, traumatic material in a less distressing way. It can reduce the intensity of your anxious, troubling thoughts. EMDR is particularly effective if your anxiety is related to posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Ask your therapist to teach you ways to calm down in the midst of a bout of anxiety or a panic attack. You can learn to recognize when symptoms are coming on, and with your therapist's help, create a toolbox full of tools to alleviate your anxiety. These may include: Relaxation techniques Breathing exercises Journal writing Thinking exercises to challenge your thought and behavior patterns It may be helpful for you to talk to other people who are suffering with anxiety. Your counselor, or another community health organization, may be able to refer you to a support group. Group therapy can help you feel like you're not alone in dealing with a problem. Other group members can give you suggestions on how to cope with a situation, and can be a safe place to discuss your emotions and frustrations. You can also find many online forums that offer anxiety support.
Summary: Find a counselor who works with anxiety disorders. Research cognitive behavioral therapy. Consider interpersonal therapy. Ask your therapist about mindfulness therapies. Consider exposure therapy or EMDR for phobias. Talk to your therapist about learning calming techniques. Join a support group.