TASK DEFINITION: In this task, you must classify if a given review is positive/negative, indicating your answer as P or N.
PROBLEM: _ soldier _ is hands down one of the worst movies a person could ever have to sit through that does n't have jean claude van damme in it .
i could liken it to
the sci - fi cheese that was the hollywood product - of - choice back in the early 80s , but that would be too much of a compliment .
if there is a movie theater in hell , this film is playing there 24 hours a day .
the story , such that there is , revolves around todd ( kurt russell ) , an automaton of a man who has been raised from birth to be a merciless soldier in a not - too - distant ultra - conservative future ( is there any other kind ? )
after years of desensitization at a military academy full of other boys just like him , todd becomes a ground fighter in a series of wars all over the galaxy . who the enemies in these wars are is never revealed , but the few glimpses of todd in battle show that it does n't matter , because innocent hostages are wiped out as indifferently as the bad guys .
after ten minutes of this nihilistic trash --
yes folks , there 's more
-- we see todd as a buff , scarred adult , now so accustomed to the carnage that no confrontation at all causes him to break a sweat .
there 's a new wrinkle , though .
todd and his brethren are declared obsolete , and a new batch of soldiers takes their place .
after losing a sanctioned battle with _ dragon _ 's jason scott lee , the seemingly dead todd is dumped by a flying ice - cube tray
( well , that 's what is looked like ) on a remote garbage planet .
if you predict that todd meets a bunch of outcast settlers on this planet , and that they band together to fight a bunch of bad guys coming to destroy them , you 're way ahead of the game .
the renegade society on this trash heap is so clich you half - expect tina turner and master blaster to come strolling into frame any minute .
it 's surprising that _ soldier _ is the brain - child of _ blade runner _ co - writer david webb peoples .
unlike that mind - twisting classic , this film contains just barely enough dialogue to fill about three double - spaced pages .
add into the mix the _ mortal kombat _ 's paul anderson inept direction , and
it 's easy to see how _ soldier _ turned out so bad . and the special effects !
remember the flying steam irons in hardware wars ?
gary busey is in this movie .
'nuff said .
_
soldier _ is proof that hollywood still has plenty of bad ideas sitting in its script vaults .
that this sad film made it to the silver screen should encourage plenty of aspiring screenwriters out there that there is hope after all .
now if you 'll excuse me , i have to go weep for the future .

SOLUTION: N

PROBLEM: i still ca n't figure out why people went in droves to see this movie .
now before you go assuming i 'm some sort of high brow snob , who ca n't appreciate a little dumb humor , let me say that i love cheap humor .
i thought there 's something about mary was one of the funniest films that i have ever seen and it was certainly one of the best films of 1998 .
low brow adolescent humor can be a lot of fun , the problem with the waterboy is that it is just low brow and adolescent , there is no humor component .
i wanted to like the waterboy , i really did .
i think i only laughed maybe 2 or 3 times throughout the entire movie .
actually , i smiled a couple of more times on top of that .
not a great record for a 90-minute film .
the problem with the waterboy is the same as most other adam sandler movies .
those responsible for this mess seem to think that the sheer fact that sandler walks around using a goofy voice and playing dumb the entire movie is a substitute for actual funny material .
nothing could be further from the truth , as matter of fact , sandler 's idiot voice started to get on my nerves at points in this film .
it 's really a shame too , because this film had the potential to be very funny .
i personally believe that sandler is probably a very talented comedian , it 's just that so far he has n't been able to find the right film to showcase his talents .
if his only talent is making goofy voices and playing morons , my guess is that his career in the movies will go down the same road as the vast majority of the former stars of saturday night live .
most of whom are now happily no longer in the entertainment industry .
sandler plays a 31-year - old , somewhat mentally challenged , waterboy for a college football team .
the team 's somewhat mentally disturbed coach ( henry winkler ) realizes that his waterboy has a great deal of pent - up rage , which , if harnessed properly , would make him a force to be reckoned with on the football field .
you can figure out the rest from here .
sandler joins the team and this once lowly waterboy becomes a football star .
as i said , the film had a great deal of potential .
the idea was a decent one , but the main potential of this movie is a result of the cast .
all of whom are very good , just hamstrung by really , really , lousy material .
even sandler , annoying goofy voice and all , has enough charisma and natural comedic ability to overcome some of his bad material .
even as unfunny as his character is , i still found myself rooting for him throughout the film .
but it is the supporting cast that i feel most badly about .
if their material had been just a bit better , this film could have been such a funny movie .
fairuza balk plays sandler 's leather - wearing biker - chick love interest and does a great job playing sleazy and sexy at the same time .
winkler is great as the coach who uses a " coaching for dummies " -style book to help him get through games .
the real standout though , is kathy bates .
even with some of the worst material of her career to deal with , she is still a treat to watch in her role as sandler 's overprotective and overbearing mama .
even with the performances of bates and winkler , there is absolutely no way i would recommend this movie .
although i get the distinct impression that without them , this film would have ranked in negative numbers for me .
which is sad , because i ca n't really put my finger on a particular element of the movie and single it out as the cause of the disaster that it became .
it 's obvious that those involved , specifically the actors , tried very hard to make what they thought was going to be a funny movie .
it 's just too bad that 99 percent of all of the jokes fell flat .

SOLUTION: N

PROBLEM: billy crystal reappears in yet another high concept comedy .
he tries to infuse some life into it , but it gets bogged down with sentimentality and a lack of sophistication .
sammy ( billy crystal ) is a struggling agent at the end of his ropes .
he 's separated from his wife , serena ( kathleen quinlan ) , and down to his last serious client .
. . in a low - budget film shooting in romania .
but in a turn of bad luck , sammy wrecks his car . . .
only to be mysteriously saved by a giant ( gheorghe muresan ) .
but this giant has a heart of gold .
he leads a solitary life , helping out the monks at a local monastery .
his only longing is for his long lost love , lilianna ( joanna pacula ) , who has since moved to america .
sammy , seeing a golden ticket , convinces max to become an actor ( represented by sammy , of course ) , and come back to america .
and so sam and max bounce from pathetic job to pathetic job , with sammy dangling a meeting with lilianna as a carrot before max 's nose .
but slowly sammy 's deceptions begin to haunt him .
but will he develop a conscience before the innocent max becomes disillusioned .
the humor in my giant is n't the world 's greatest .
mostly , it falls under the category of " boy . . .
he 's so big ! " , and that can only go so far , no matter how hard the talent tries
.
still , its slightly amusing parts are longed for when the movie gets bogged down in sappy moments .
the film 's best moment
( and that 's not saying much ) is a bit part by steven seagal , playing himself .
between executive decision and this , all of seagal 's best roles have been cameos .
maybe he should consider a change of work : steven seagal , the character actor !
gheorghe muresan is n't a natural actor at all , and his thick cotton - mouthed accent certainly does n't help
.
in fact the only thing he adds to the role is his immense stature .
originally , the concept was designed several years ago for andre the giant .
andre also had a hefty accent , but he displayed a knack for comedy in the princess bride .
. .
something muresan should have studied for some pointers .
why does billy crystal continually get caught in these pathetic comedies ?
he 's proven that he can be much funnier than these formulaic films
allow him to be , and yet , like a glutton for punishment , he keeps coming back .
that does n't mean we have to .

SOLUTION:
N