Article: It is perfectly OK to have a "gut feeling" that the marriage would not be successful and simply go on that. However, it is even better to be clear to yourself what your concerns are. If you're simply nervous about making such a big commitment (which is not uncommon) try reading the advice in How to overcome the fear of marriage. If you're concerned that you and your mate are not compatible in some way, it's important to address your worries as soon as possible, long before your partner gets down on their knee. Think about these aspects of the relationship in advance so you're prepared to have a serious conversation: Does the relationship feel serious and permanent to you, or more lighthearted or temporary? If the other person takes it much more seriously than you do, it could be difficult to find a path together. Is this a time in life where marriage would derail the path that you've set in mind for yourself? Could you see yourself marrying your partner at a later date? Do you have strong opinions about marriage in general? Would you rather live together unmarried, or live separately even in a committed, loving relationship? Do you have concerns about your partner's approach to having children, running a household, financial habits, career goals, or other "big picture" items that would make marriage or cohabitation difficult? Do you have other concerns about your partner or your relationship that are relevant whether or not your get married? These should be discussed as soon as possible, even if marriage is off the table. In an ideal world, the topic of marriage would come up without mind games. However, since this is an emotional issue many people will test the waters before they propose. This may come in jokes, veiled comments, or other subtle "hints". If your significant other raises the issue of marriage, even casually, make your position clear but polite. Or call him or her out to clarify. For example, if your partner comments while house-hunting: "This house would be perfect for a married couple," hint back with another option: "Or for an unmarried couple too." Or, be more direct: "Honey, you keep making comments about married couples and such. Are you trying to tell me something? I'd rather you be direct with me instead of making confusing comments." Asking a person to have his or her hand in marriage comes with a lot of emotional weight. This may happen in public, such as a restaurant, an athletic stadium, your family's Christmas dinner, or some cleverly elaborate choreographed manner. And to have to turn a person down after all that dramatic build up can be humiliating for the person proposing. If the hints start coming thick and strong, or you discover a ring hidden somewhere, try have a discussion before the proposal happens. Remember that the purpose of this discussion is information. You should each find out what the other person thinks, not try to persuade them into changing their mind. If your partner cannot set the topic aside, or you cannot agree on a short-term path forward, visit a relationship counselor for advice. Or you may have to part ways. Sometimes it can feel like parents, friends, or even complete strangers are eager to whip out a marriage license and hand you a bouquet of flowers. In the end, your decision is not their business, and you do not owe them anything more than basic politeness when deflecting these questions or suggestions: A polite "We don't have any plans right now" is a good first step, or "I'll let you know whenever something changes". Humor can help relieve tension among family members and close friends who are constantly pressuring you: "I hear they're inventing a new color wedding dress, I'm going to wait a few years for it to hit the market." Try acting stiff if strangers or acquaintances do not take the hint: "Our relationship is fine, thanks for your concern." If you and your partner have both gotten through the conversation (perhaps with help from a counselor), you've bought yourself some time. This is often exactly what you need, but use this time wisely. If it's just a question of reevaluating after finishing your education, you may be content just to see what happens. If you have doubts about the relationship itself, think carefully about whether to stay together, continue to discuss issues with your partner, and seek advice from a relationship counselor if necessary, or from non-judgmental friends who are in healthy relationships and who won't spread gossip. If there are life events that would seriously pressure you to get married, spend time planning for this in advance. Some events you can do your best to avoid, such as pregnancy, while others you cannot control, such as a terminal illness in the family. Seeking advice and support is especially important in these situations, when you feel pressured to make a decision under stress. Do not make decisions because of another family member. Yes, Grandma would love to see you get married before she dies. But she does not have to live with the consequences of marrying the wrong person, at the wrong time, for the wrong reasons. And imagine how bad she would feel, knowing the reason for your (likely) divorce, was because she pressured you into the marriage. An out-of-wedlock and/or accidental pregnancy can be problematic. But getting married for the sake of the baby often ends poorly, too.

What is a summary?
Be clear on why you do not want to get married. Do not play along with the hints. Head him or her off before the proposal. Deflect pressure from other people. Consider the future.