Summarize:

The expression of strong, negative feelings rarely helps a relationship. If you are often frustrated or angry at a particular person, a calm discussion is much more likely to be productive. Step away until you've calmed down. Start your discussion by talking about a single issue, such as a specific action or repeated behavior that frustrates you. Try to stay focused on this topic until you've seriously discussed it. Talking about possible underlying causes or related actions is allowed, but try to avoid turning the discussion into a list of things that irritate you. Try to agree with the person at the outset that you'll both stay focused on the issue at hand. Allow the other person an opportunity to speak uninterrupted and to be heard. Try to listen intently to the other person, and then decide how to respond rather than responding impulsively. If you find this difficult, try repeating the other person's words silently to yourself to keep yourself focused, and keep your face and body aligned toward the other person. For instance, if you're having a relationship fight, make it a point not to interrupt the person. Allow him or her to finish a point before responding and consider your response rather than going with your gut reaction. This will demonstrate that you understand what the other person said, give the other person a chance to consider what he or she said, and clear up some ambiguities in the discussion. This can be a very difficult step because actually listening to the other personinstead of thinking of your next thing to saycan be a tricky thing to do. For instance, if a friend says that you never make time for her, repeat it back and ask, "Do you really think that I never make time for you?" This can allow the friend to hear the complaint as you did. Have an honest discussion about how you feel, and what you want to change, and ask the other person for honest opinions as well. Refrain from making insults or hurtful comments. Use sentences that start with "I" to talk about how you feel, and avoid sentences with "you," which can often sound accusatory. Avoid passive-aggressive behavior, such as hiding your real emotions or insulting someone behind his or her back. Avoid sarcasm or insults during this discussion, even as a joke. These are words such as 'always', 'anyone', 'nobody' and 'never.' These words invite the person to become defensive by invalidating the your unworkable pronouncements, and causing both of you to fall short. For example, don't say, "You never take out the trash!" Instead try, "You take out the trash less often than we agreed." Try to reach a compromise that you are both satisfied with. Writing down a list of ideas together can sometimes help. You don't need to come up with a perfect answer on the first discussion, either. If necessary, make it clear that the solution you decide on is temporary, and set a time to discuss it in a couple weeks to see whether it is working. If you're frustrated that the friend hasn't repaid a debt, for instance, see if you can compromise with a payment plan rather than just simply being frustrated that you can't get all of the money back at once. Thank the other person when making an effort to change his or her behavior. Even small changessmaller than you would likemay lead to more change if you just encourage the person. Using the same example of frustration over a friend owing you money, tell the friend how much it means that he has agreed to a payment plan or even agreed to sit down and talk about it again when he might be able to enter a payment agreement. By validating the friend's effort, you're more likely to see future cooperation.
Do not talk while you're still angry. Bring up one issue at a time. Give the other person opportunities to respond. Mirror back what you heard, in your own words. Be honest but compassionate. Avoid using absolutes on other people. Brainstorm solutions with the other person. Show appreciation for effort.