input: Write a negative yelp review.
output: I had one slice of pepperoni and it was not edible. Horrible, horrible pizza. I also had to tell the guy to give me the one of the only two slices that were burnt that were on display.
input: Write a positive yelp review.
output: Short but sweet review: easy to find on the corner of 43rd in the Lawrenceville section of the city...and the only light colored brick building with funky art all over it. Quaint, and relaxed interior with each table top being created by different local artists (yay for supporting local!!). But, the important part: the food. As a longtime vegetarian (albeit recently eating phish and chicken...sshhh...don't tell PETA), I always dig anywhere I can eat that offers more than a boring iceberg lettuce side salad. So big props to Dan and crew at Kaleidoscope Cafe for offering several diverse salads, that can be a meal in themselves. I got the Farmhouse salad...it has beets in it. I don't eat beets. Ever. But the way they are prepared and incorporated into this salad is ridiculously yummy. So much so, that I would eat it again. There are options for meat eaters, veggie, and some things that could be made vegan. I also had a veggie stacker sandwich, with portobello and roasted red peppers. Again, my tummy smiled. My boyfriend had a chicken sandwich of some sort with avocado and bacon on it. He barely spoke while eating it as he was so engulfed by flavory goodness-to quote, he says 'it was really good.' price for lunch with appetizer, salad, and two meals was average, but supporting local artists and independent businesses is priceless. Go eat here and play with kaleidoscopes while u wait for your food. To-go orders, too. Your taste buds will dance :)
input: Write a negative yelp review.
output:
This place was a total, ridiculous disappointment. What a tourist trap. We had been hearing about this place since we got here last summer. Twice we thought about going, but a huge queue outside made us change our minds. Poutine just didn't seem like the kind of food I'd queue for, not that I like queuing for anything really. Anyway, last night, late night, we're satisfactorily drunk, in the area, we decide to just do it for the sake of it. To start, it was about a ~20min wait in the freezing cold/snow (it felt like an hour, and note: there's about 150 places within a kilometer radius that sells this same dish, poutine - places we went before, and enjoyed.). And remember, poutine is drunk hangover food, it's not fine dining. Any old greaser can put a good one together. We've had dozens of great ones since we moved here (without visiting Banquise let alone queueing in the snow). So yeah, a loooong wait. Then eventually, once it's your turn the staff don't even look at you, they just sort of gesture their hand for you to run inside (kinda similar to crappy nightclubs), then put you into a corner with two menus and run off without a word. Right off the bat it feels as though you're really making their life unpleasant. I understand it's busy but a simple "Welcome to Banquise. I'll be back in 5 :)" would be great! Inside, the place is super loud and bright, full of other drunk obnoxious people (usually fun but the vibe is off, its not a bar nor an entertainment venue, so it feels a bit weird), and decorated in a pretty bad way. Kinda like a pastoral McDonalds. Anyway, the menu had a ton of awesome poutine options, so we got excited. Ready to order within 2min, it took us forever to actually make the order. You'd think with such a queue outside they'd be on this. Eventually, after about 15min, a server came and took our orders, in a very fast food manner (raised eyebrow, no response). My gf had a regular large poutine, and I got the Dan Dan (pepperoni, bacon, onion). We also ask for two Dr Peppers. Then he snatched the menus with a grin and ran off. We then waited excitedly, very hungry by this point. But then 5min later, the guy comes to us with the cheque, saying we have to pay first, because it's their "nighttime policy" ie ppl sneaking out. I mean I get where he's coming from, but this isn't a take away corn dog, we're sitting down in the damn place!? To me, this speaks volumes about the tourist trap system of this place (designed for maximum speed, absolutely no attention to clients, who is sitting, or standing, or outside, or anything). Remember, ppl are queuing in the snow for this. Anyhow, I pay ($35 for two poutine/soda!!!!) without a complaint. And we waited again (now -$35). Then, 10min later, two poutines arrive. They look amazing, but turn out to be extremely ordinary. Ordinary as in it looks just like the ones up at A&W on St Laurent/Mont Royal that you can get without a queue (not even Poutineville which is open till 5am just down the road. For a quarter price, mind you. So, anyway, being slightly inebriated/hungry, we dig in. And yes, it is satisfactory drunk filler, but nothing great at all, considering queue, price, noise etc. You have to eat it amid shouting and people throwing things, and it's not cheap. It felt like a frat house. I much prefer a quiet greaser at this hour. Being pretty disappointed, after about 15 bites each (about 1/3 of a large plate), we then ask the guy if we can have our food to go. Thankfully this part was done really quickly. I felt kinda conned and scammed into a poutine tourist trap. The queue, the people, the glorification of a drunk food. I mean, AA or all the late night city diners glorify poutine by making the experience and food taste authentic to Montreal, not with colors and queues and self-important staff. I found it a little absurd and kind of disingenuous to visitors, the way this place is advertised. Like Schwartz's and other queue places, offer something specific. Poutine? And not great ones? Are ubiquitous. This is the "go to" Montreal place? The whole approach with this place is wrong. This is not Montreal to me, this is a cartoon tourist trap to rip off people. If you are starving next door with $15 to throw on a poutine and can't be bothered to walk two blocks in any direction, then eat here. But this is not "good poutine". It's over-saturated and phony and.... just a bit of a tourist trap cashing in on tourists MTL poutine stereotypes. My image of Montreal was kinda tainted by this place. But anyway, glad we went and got that out of the way.