Your mother may try to control your life, who you spend time with, where you go, or how you do things. She may try to get her way with everything, and show her complete dissatisfaction when you go against her wishes. If you want to make your own decisions without the backlash of your mother, be resolute. When making a choice, don't allow her opinions to seep in. If you're purchasing an item, say, "This suits my needs and it is what I need." If you're doing something she thinks should be done differently, say, "I will do it this way, which works well for me." Remember that just as much as you make mistakes, your mother does, too. When she is quick to criticize your boyfriend, living arrangements, or parenting skills, it's okay to admit that you are doing your best and that you will likely make mistakes. If she points out a mistake, it's okay to own up to it. "Yes, Mom, I did make a mistake. The important part is that I learned from it." A succinct comment can put an end to the topic. When your mom says something critical, respond with, "Thank you for your input, Mom. I'm doing my best to handle it." You may want to have a discussion about her criticism if it really bothers you. "I don't know if you're aware of this, but I feel criticized by you often. I really want a relationship with you, but it is hard for me when it feels like you want to criticize the way I live my life." Remind yourself that being a parent is hard work, and that nobody chooses to suffer from symptoms of anxiety. Regardless, it can be annoying and frustrating to be the object of your mother's anxiety. Remind yourself not to blame your mother for her anxiety; it's not pleasant to experience anxiety. Talk to your mother and let her know how you feel. You can say, "I don't like it when you worry so much about me. It makes me feel like you don't trust me." If you think your mother may suffer from an anxiety disorder, gently bring this to her attention in an effort to seek help. "Mom, I notice you spend a lot of time worrying. I want you to know what it feels like to fully enjoy your life, and I think that going to therapy can help you with that." As a young child, you had no choice but to follow your parent's demands. but as you mature, you gain more and more control if you allow yourself to have control. Your mother may not want you to have more control, but ask yourself, "Am I in control of my life or is my mother in control?" It's unlikely you can end your mother's control while still pleasing her. Changing the way you interact may mean that she becomes upset that she is no longer controlling you the way she would like to. It's up to you to allow her the same interference and control or to adjust it. If you are annoyed that your mother calls you multiple times each day, make the choice whether to pick up the phone or not. If it makes you unhappy to talk to her that often, make the choice not to pick up and know that while your actions may upset it, it's okay to have control of your own life. Consider saying, "Mom, I want to be a responsible and productive adult, and I'd like to do it on my own. I'd really like your support as I mature to be independent."

Summary: Refute her attempts to control your decisions. Ignore her criticism. Deal with her anxiety. Handle her over protectiveness.

Holidays or important dates in the person's relationship with the person she lost can trigger feelings of loss. Encourage her to plan ahead to commemorate those days. This can help her create a feeling of continuity with the past or create the sense that you are moving on. While it is particularly useful to develop a ritual for special dates, there is no reason why the griever shouldn't plan to celebrate or remember the deceased any other day. There is a plethora of rituals he can use to remember his loved lost one. Which one he picks depends on his relationship with the person and what it was that once brought them together. Some examples include: Preparing a meal that the deceased enjoyed. Watch a movie that the person enjoyed. Go on a walk, possibly where the two of had been in the past, and remember times spent together. Buy flowers on important days. Travel somewhere the deceased wanted to go. Listen to music that reminds the grieving person of the deceased. Look through a photo album. Ask her to write fiction, personal essays, or poetry that expresses and identifies feelings and blockages. You can encourage artists to paint or draw. Starting a journal can be an important step for dealing with emotions. Ask her to try writing about the life of the person she lost. Alternatively, have her write about how that person has influenced her. Remind her that the deceased lives on through her. Memory books can help in the grieving process. Compile mementos, photos or stories about the deceased person. This helps one come to terms with the magnitude of the loss and to focus on the realities of one's new life without forgetting the lost loved one. Place an open chair opposite the grieving person and ask her to imagine the deceased person sitting in that chair. Give the bereaved person the opportunity to speak to the person in the chair and say all the things that she would like to have said to that person. Playing out situations from the past or rehearsing difficult future situations may help bring closure. The use of objects and memorabilia, such as jewelry and other objects which the bereaved person is comfortable with, can be used to facilitate talking and bringing the mourning process to a close. Some people will want to clear their heads or process their loss before trying to commemorate their loved one. Many people have difficulty talking about what has happened. It is your job to give the grieving party ideas about how to move on. It is not your job to force them to do something they do not want to do.
Summary: Get her to plan ahead for important dates. Encourage him to commemorate with ritual. Encourage her to express his grief through art. Create a memory book. Use the open-chair technique. Don't push.