Problem: Write a negative (OPTIONS:
- negative
- positive) movie review.

Answer: Story of a man who has unnatural feelings for a pig. Starts out with a opening scene that is a terrific example of absurd comedy. A formal orchestra audience is turned into an insane, violent mob by the crazy chantings of it's singers. Unfortunately it stays absurd the WHOLE time with no general narrative eventually making it just too off putting. Even those from the era should be turned off. The cryptic dialogue would make Shakespeare seem easy to a third grader. On a technical level it's better than you might think with some good cinematography by future great Vilmos Zsigmond. Future stars Sally Kirkland and Frederic Forrest can be seen briefly.

Problem: Write a positive (OPTIONS:
- negative
- positive) movie review.

Answer: This is one of those films that explore the culture clash of Eastern born people in Westernized cultures.

Loving on Tokyo Time is a sad film about the inability of opposites to attract due to major cultural differences. Ken, rock n'roll fanatic, marries Kyoto, a Japanese girl, so that she can stay in the United States when her visa expires. The marriage is only expected to be temporary, that is, until Kyoto gains legal status again. But, Ken, who seems to be lost in every relationship, takes a liking to Kyoto and tries very hard to make things work out. This, despite his friend's urging that dumping Kyoto and getting rid of all commitments to girls is bad for rock n' roll except to inspire some song writing about broken hearts and all of that.

But Kyoto comes from a strict traditional Japanese upbringing, and doesn't expect to be married to Ken all that long. Not only that, she is homesick and wants to return to Japan. It's sad in that this is finally someone Ken thinks he can love and be with and all that, except the one time he thinks he's found someone to feel that way about, the girl isn't expecting to stay that long. It's not that she doesn't like Ken, it's just that she's used to a whole 'nother way of life. She says, "I can't tell him the way I feel in English, and Ken can't tell me the way he feels in Japanese." It's a rather sad love story with a killer 80s techno-nintendo soundtrack.

I picked up Loving on Tokyo Time because it reminded me of one of my favorite 80s films, Tokyo Pop. And, for those of you who enjoyed Loving on Tokyo Time, check out Tokyo Pop (a New York singer goes to Japan and joins a Japanese American cover band), except it's a movie with a happy ending.

Problem: Write a negative (OPTIONS:
- negative
- positive) movie review.

Answer: Bo Derek will not go down in history as a great actress. On the other hand, starting in the 1980s, actual acting talent seemed to be less and less of a required ability in Hollywood, so Bo could very well have gone onto bigger and better things after the big box office take of Blake Edwards' "10." That is if she hadn't allowed her husband, John Derek, to take over her career. Numerous Playboy spreads and bad movies like this one (this one in particular) directed by John destroyed what momentum she had and made her the butt of many a joke. In the 1980s it was assumed that you could put a certain personality in a certain movie and it would be box office gold. John figured that putting Bo in a movie wherein she was nude for much of the running time would make people flock to the theaters after the 10 hype. Maybe if the movie had been any good perhaps. This version of Tarzan has got to be the all time worst of the many iterpretations of Burrough's lord of the jungle, a slap in the face to character's book and film legacy. Tarzan is in fact an after thought as the film is primarily a vehicle for Bo's breasts and Richard Harris' wonderful over acting (remember, the pair had worked together in Orca). His scenery chewing helps you to stay awake during the boredom of it all and yes, the film is quite boring. Nothing really exciting happens and the few action scenes seem to have been shot by someone in a trance. Bo's body can only get you so far. Miles O'Keeffe who played Tarzan at least would go onto a long and enjoyable B movie career and Richard Harris can put this behind him after his recent acting triumphs, but Bo and John Derek never recovered from this fiasco and future collaborations between the two only served to show why his directing career and her acting career died in the first place.

And how did the orangutan get to Africa?

Problem: Write a negative (OPTIONS:
- negative
- positive) movie review.

Answer:
I bought Bloodsuckers on ebay a while ago. I watched parts and deemed it just too dumb to review again. The excessive amount of watery 'blood' at the beginning is just plain obsolete - not to mention the "whip-around" wind sounds. My friends and I made a super low budget movie, and the effects still exceeded this crap fest.

As for the amount of mistakes in this movie, there are way too many to count. I knew one of the actors - believe it or not, he was my THEATRE teacher. HA!

Final verdict: Don't bother with this "horror" flick.

3 Stars (out of a possible 73)