TASK DEFINITION: In this task, you must classify if a given review is positive/negative, indicating your answer as P or N.
PROBLEM: what do you get when you rip - off good movies like woody allen 's bananas and martin scorsese 's after hours ?
you 'd think you 'd get the best of both films .
instead you get woo .
falling in somewhere between def jam 's how to be a player ( which was awful ) and booty call ( which was ok ) , woo is yet another in the embarassing genre of showing african - americans to be nothing more than sexual buffoons .
the whole film plays out as a black version of after hours , as wild woman woo ( jada pinkett smith ) goes out on a blind date with straight - laced tim ( tommy davidson ) .
mayhem follows them .
for some unknown reason ( read :
contrived screenplay ) davidson puts up with all of woo 's antics for the entire night , which include her destroying his bathroom mirror , stealing things from his house , violently questioning him ( accusing and belittling him actually ) about previous girlfriends , causing a riot in an elegant restaurant , and other various infuriating things that any normal person would n't tolerate .
but for the sake of this bad movie ?
sure , why not ?
there are a few chuckles in the film , the best being the scene swiped directly from bananas .
in this case , davidson is running from thugs , gets into a subway car as the doors are closing , starts to taunt the thugs , then the doors open back up again .
a good joke , but a stolen one .
another chuckle is provided by billy dee williams ' cameo as himself .
movies like woo are seemingly released every three months or so , and not one of them has ever been a hit .
woo wo n't be one either .
so
why was it made ?
and more importantly , is n't there anyone else besides me who thinks these films are offensive ?
everyone involved should really reconsider their careers at this point .
[ r ]

SOLUTION: N

PROBLEM: this sunday afternoon i had the priviledge of attending a private screening at the sony astor cinema in new york city , of james cameron 's most heralded film , titanic .
postponed from last summer , with an escalated budget that makes it the most expensive movie in history , this was one film i was eager to preview .
so , is this movie going to sink or swim this holiday ?
my best guess .
. . . it will sink , though with many awards attatched to its hull .
no doubt , titanic is the most elaborate disaster movie ever made .
it boasts the most amazing effects that i have ever seen done to date .
to see a ship fall apart , with actual people running across the ship , flying across the deck , and falling to the water , is just amazing to look at .
the effects are so stunningly realistic , you would swear you were looking at actual footage .
but titanic is more than a disaster movie , and that 's where the problem lies .
there is a love story attatched that nearly ruins the entire premise .
i 'll give a capsule summary of the story without spoiling anything for you : the film begins with a modern day excavation of sorts of the sunken titanic .
we see actual footage of the sunken ship , as cammeron had set up special cameras to film the wreckage on the ocean floor .
bill paxton leads the expedition , in search of sunken treasure .
what he finds instead , leads him to a mysterious old woman who recounts her tale of the titanic voyage .
we meet rose ( kate winslet ) , a young woman , who comes from an upper - class family .
rose is to be we d to a man she does not love .
we meet jack ( leonardo dicaprio ) , a young man , who comes from a poor financial background , and wins a ticket aboard the titanic , in a poker game .
the two meet under interesting circumstances , and the love story begins .
add in a jealous fiance , and a not - so - nice law officer played by david warner , and you have a story that , well , gets a bit overplayed and oversappy .
i must add , at this point , that the most likeable character in the movie is played by kathy bates , as a woman with " new money " who is a lot less uptight than the other rich folk on the ship .
she is a pleasure to see on screen .
when the ship does hit the iceberg at exactly 1 : 40 into the film , and eventually sinks , you never really feel for any of these characters .
the film is just loaded with unlikeable rich snobs and other folk you never really get a grasp on .
the effects are tremendous .
from the roars of gears and pumps in the engine room , to a doomed ship cracking at the seams , this is an effects picture that looks and sounds like no other .
we saw titanic in dolby digital surround , and by far , it is the best sounding movie i have ever seen .
my friend commented it was the best sound mix he has ever heard
.
when people are in the water , at film 's end , you are surrounded by the voices of lost soles .
titanic runs far too long .
the movie is 3 hours and 15 minutes in length .
and , while most of the first 2 .
5 hours runs very fast and well - paced
, the final 45 minutes almost comes to a sudden stop , and you realize that this sappy love story has to finish itself out before the movie finally ends .
do n't get me wrong about titanic . . . .
it 's not a bad as i am making it out to be .
it really is an exceptionaly well - made film .
the costumes and sets are incredible , and true to the time period .
the ship is painstakingly created exactly true to form , as we see actual pictures of the modern - day wreckage , transformed into the movie depiction .
this film will certainly win on effects , costume , set design and sound .
cameron has certainly made his best film to date .
unfortunately , titanic is not a best picture candidate .
it just does n't have a strong supporting story .
it 's an exceptional disaster film with sappy filler inside .
it just does n't have the emotional impact that i suspect mr .
cameron was shooting for .
i predict that titanic will open to likeable reviews .
it is a film worth seeing .
i predict that it will only do moderately well at the box office .
with its extreme running time , and lack of enough robust to get substantial word - of - mouth , i expect that it will do even better on home video .
this will certainly be the definitive ac3 movie for all you home theater enthusiasts .
titanic opens december 19th , and is released by paramount pictures and twentieth century - fox .
i give titanic 3 stars ( .
that 's not bad .
ron epstein riginally posted in home theater forum
= = =

SOLUTION: P

PROBLEM: phaedra cinema , the distributor of such never - heard - of classics as " soft toilet seats , " " trailer : the movie , " and " the one armed boxer vs .
the flying guillotine , " has sneaked its latest release , " the sculptress , " into a few theaters this weekend hoping to cash in on a handful of halloween holidaygoers looking for a right good scare .
"
the sculptress " is a scary proposition all right , but not in the way its producers intended .
from the outset it 's easy to see why some of the larger , more reputable chains are n't carrying it : the film looks like a straight - to - video release from the early ' 80s that 's been dusted off ( not very carefully ) and re - issued in theatrical format .
that staple of schlocky z - movies jeff fahey ( " the lawnmower man " ) plays a washed - up shakespearean actor lacking in some basic people skills .
when he 's not reliving his glory days in his ramshackle nob hill apartment , screaming scotch - induced " hamlet " soliloquies well into the night , he 's out and about on the streets of san francisco stalking loose women .
fahey 's dobie sizes up his victims ( actually just one , a peep show performer name of sylvie )
dressed like one of the guys from kraftwerk , and approaches them in the ridiculous attire of a bavarian count replete with a cane , dark glasses , and a false beard ( just in time for halloween ! ) .
"
do you have a castle ?
" sylvie asks dobie seductively when he flashes the bulging contents of his wallet outside a coffee shop .
" jah .
with ze many turrets " is dobie 's perplexing reply .
the real " star " of the film ( and i use that term extremely loosely ) is katie wright , who plays the sculptress of the title .
sarah is new in town , studying at the prestigious sf art institute under the mentorship of a " genius " frenchman , played by the beret - wearing patrick bauchau .
that 's convenient , because sarah would one day like to live and work in paris ( you wo n't believe the film 's final shot , with its cheesy eiffel tower backdrop and " rosemary 's baby " -inspired imagery ) .
bauchau 's character criticizes sarah 's work publicly ( her clay busts keep turning into gargoyles -- perhaps she 's possessed . . .
by an incubus ! ! ? ) but he still manages to talk her into dinner .
whereas wright does a decent english accent , her talents pretty much end there
.
on the other side of the wall , dobie 's troubled past is succinctly summarized in a scene in which he thumbs through an old scrapbook of newspaper clippings with headings like " actor delivers a stunning macbeth , " actor courted by hollywood studio , " " actor renounces hollywood for priesthood , " and " prostitute fingers priest in sex scandal .
"
the film 's plot could have been just as easily condensed .
" artist moves in next door to shakespearean psychopath .
" " yawns ensue .
" so dobie rants and raves and sarah chips away at large blocks of granite till way past their bedtimes .
late in the film , their paths finally cross with mind - numbing results .
nobody else in the apartment complex appears to mind all the racket , but one old dear does go ballistic when sarah 's bathtub overflows .
no , we do n't see wright in the tub ( or fahey for that matter ) , and the gore quotient is virtually nil , so for a horror film " the sculptress " is surprisingly lacking .
the only thing worth looking at is san francisco , and writer / director ian merrick manages to make even it look dreary , windswept , and deserted .
"
the sculptress " is n't even bad enough to be fun .
luckily , a limited release has made it easy to avoid .

SOLUTION:
N