Problem: This review is like what?
OPTIONS:
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- positive

Review:Honestly, I can't be bothered to spend my time writing about this milestone of cinematic incompetence - life is simply too short. What I will say is that, Alone In The Dark succeeds in only three things: 1. It will make you laugh, but for all the wrong reasons. 2. It manages to throw several useless plots into the air but dropping all of them.

and

3. It utterly disgraces the classic PC game on which it is supposedly based by being a complete failure in all aspects of film-making.

Doctor Boll, if that is indeed what you are (I'm thinking proctology here), what on Earth are you doing in a director's chair?
+++++++++
A: negative

Problem: This review is like what?
OPTIONS:
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Review:Gomez Pereira is the responsible for some of the most despicable comedies of latest Spanish cinema (just take a look at his curriculum vitae), so I didn't expect that much of "Cosas Que Hacen..."... In fact I don't know why in the world did I decide to watch it. Anyway, I just did... And what a surprise. It looks that Gomez Pereira has finally matured and now he's capable of making a good movie. He's last work deals with the midlife crisis, the disappointing, and the seeking for a second chance after you've ruined it all. The last half hour of the movie (the more dramatic) is the best part, and it just makes worth watching the film. Also we have Eduard Fernandez playing the main role, and I keep on thinking he's the best actor of his generation (by far).

*My rate: 7/10
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A: positive

Problem: This review is like what?
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- positive

Review:One star for the "plot". One star for the acting. One star for the dubbing into squeaky-voiced American. Five stars for Monica Broeke and Inge Maria Granzow, with their propensity for taking all their clothes off. And ten out of ten for the divine Emmanuelle Beart, two years before she made 'Manon des sources'. Beart also undresses a couple of times, but even fully-clothed her presence is enough to make this film eminently watchable. Watch out for the scene where she tells her friend about the three "first times" for a girl. It's corny, but still far more erotic than the rather laughably choreographed "love scenes" featuring Broeke, Granzow and Patrick Bauchau. Incidentally, the cinematography is not great; the stills for the closing credits are a better indication of what David Hamilton is capable of.
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A: negative

Problem: This review is like what?
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Review:Remember the name Kevin Lime - and please, please never let

him direct again. Timing, pacing, editing: all hopelessly wrong.

Three or four decent professionals (next time, guys, walk off the

set) can do nothing to save this film from amateurs like Alice

Evans, and the kind of production standards you'd expect from

teen-produced children's shows on british TV.

Greatest mystery: the music. A score so inept, inappropriate and

ill-matched to the tone of the film that one seriously wonders if it is

a case of sabotage. Add an acoustic that booms apparently

unengineered from a single mike, and a director who only

intermittently remembers to add auditory action offscreen, and we

have what must be on of the greatest ratio of money to result of

recent years.
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A:
negative