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Most conflicts are mediated through language, but that doesn't mean that the only thing you need to pay attention to is the phrasing of your words which are, by the way, important. Pay attention to the way you carry yourself your posture, the tone of your voice, your eye contact. Like it or not, these things communicate more than you think about your willingness to resolve the conflict: Keep your posture "open." Don't slouch, sit with your arms crossed, or face the other way. Don't fidget with something like you're bored. Sit or stand with your shoulders back, your arms at your sides, and facing the subject at all times. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/a\/ab\/Deal-With-Conflict-Step-5Bullet1.jpg\/v4-460px-Deal-With-Conflict-Step-5Bullet1.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/a\/ab\/Deal-With-Conflict-Step-5Bullet1.jpg\/aid1851123-v4-728px-Deal-With-Conflict-Step-5Bullet1.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":"728","bigHeight":"546","licensing":"<div class="mw-parser-output"><p>License: <a rel="nofollow" class="external text" href="https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/3.0\/">Creative Commons<\/a><br>
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<\/p><\/div>"} Keep eye contact with the other person. Show them that you're interested in what they're saying by being alert and showing concern in your face. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/1\/11\/Deal-With-Conflict-Step-5Bullet2.jpg\/v4-460px-Deal-With-Conflict-Step-5Bullet2.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/1\/11\/Deal-With-Conflict-Step-5Bullet2.jpg\/aid1851123-v4-728px-Deal-With-Conflict-Step-5Bullet2.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":"728","bigHeight":"546","licensing":"<div class="mw-parser-output"><p>License: <a rel="nofollow" class="external text" href="https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/3.0\/">Creative Commons<\/a><br>
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<\/p><\/div>"} If you're on friendly terms with the person, don't be afraid to give them a reassuring, gentle touch on the arm. Literally reaching out to them is a sign on sensitivity and can even activate an opioid region in the brain responsible for maintaining social connectedness! Over-generalisation is dangerous because suddenly you're attacking the whole individual rather than something they occasionally do. It's a much bigger battle, and people take the threat a lot more seriously. Instead of saying "You always cut me off and never let me finish my sentence," try going with the more diplomatic "Please don't interrupt me; I let you finish talking and I'd appreciate the same courtesy." This accomplishes two things. First, it semantically makes the problem less about them and more about you, inviting less defensive behavior from them. Second, it helps explain the situation better, letting the other person understand where you're coming from. Use the following formula when crafting an "I" statement: "I feel like [emotion] when you [describe their behavior] because [give your reason]." An example of a good "I" statement might look like this: "I feel put down when you ask me to clean up the dishes like that because I've spent the better half of the day preparing a nice meal for us and I never get any acknowledgment from you." for the things that really matter for the other person, and respond to them. Don't derail the train by getting sidetracked on the small stuff. Listen to the other person's complaints, focus in on the truly important underlying message, and try to address it. If the other person doesn't feel like you're ready to deal with the heart of their message, they're very likely going to escalate the conflict or simply tune out and abandon any attempt to resolve it. Like begets like, so reacting the right way ensures a friendly exchange instead of a heated outburst. How not to react to the other person: Angrily, hurtfully, heatedly, or resentfully How to react to the other person: Calmly, thoughtfully, non-defensively, and respectfully These are big no-nos, and a lot of us do them without even knowing that we do them. We can hold other people hostage by withdrawing love, for example, and refusing to show affection until we've gotten what we want. We can manipulate them by shaming them, for example, and criticizing their need to talk about something that we think is petty or inconsequential. We can withdraw from the situation by refusing to listen to what they are actually saying, for example, and By focusing on minor points instead of the major thrust. All of these things communicate something very clear to the other person: That we're not interested in making the situation better, that we only want what's good for us, not what's good for both. This is a death sentence to successful conflict resolution. We all hate the person who constantly finishes our sentences for us, because the assumption is that he knows what we're feeling better than we do. Even if you feel like you understand what the person is saying and where they're coming from, let them say it themselves. It's important, both for catharsis and communication, that they feel completely in control. Don't be the know-it-all Houdini who can't keep his mouth shut enough to actually engage with what the other person is saying. When we feel attacked by another person, we usually lash out at them in self-defense. Because the best defense is a good offense, right? This is a refrain that couples, for example, know all too well: I'm frustrated that you didn't follow through with what you said you'd do. You knew I wanted the house to be clean before my parents came. Well, you have no right to feel frustrated. I had planned out this day months ahead, and what's a little dirt going to hurt, anyway? You're the one who's always carrying these crazy expectations. Do you see what's going on here? The one spouse is getting frustrated, and the other spouse is blaming them for being frustrated in the first blame. Well, you probably know how this conflict is going to end: With the one spouse taking offense at the blame game, and suddenly the argument isn't about following through with promises, it's about really deep-seated issues that are blown apart by the circumstances of the argument.
Pay attention to your non-verbal cues. Resist the urge to overgeneralize. Use "I" statements instead of "You" statements. Listen Manage how you react to the other person's words. Don't hold them hostage, manipulate them, or otherwise withdraw from the situation. Never practice mind-reading and don't jump to conclusions. Don't play the blame game.