TASK DEFINITION: In this task, you must classify if a given review is positive/negative, indicating your answer as P or N.
PROBLEM: bad .
bad .
bad .
that one word seems to pretty much sums up beyond the valley of the dolls .
if that summary is n't enough for you , how about t&a , t&a , t&a ?
still have n't got the point ?
other than director russ meyer 's predilection for casting attractive large breasted women who ultimately expose the afore - mentioned anatomical areas , there is really only one other reason to recommend even taking a look at this movie .
that is the fact that it was co - written by famed film critic roger ebert , who also was responsible for the screenplay .
after watching this movie you will never be able to sit through another one of his reviews where he gives a movie a thumbs down for bad writing with a straight face .
this movie stinks out loud .
quite frankly , this movie deserves a .
but there are parts of it that are so bad they are almost funny .
so i 'm giving it a .
and maybe that is too generous .
right from the opening credits , i knew that i had a class - a bomb on my hands .
not only are the way the credits actually shot distracting , but the first scene you see includes a big breasted young woman being chased by a guy in a nazi uniform .
i had absolutely no idea why the hell that was happening ( it does get explained later ) and as soon as the first scene is over , we cut to a completely unrelated scene .
to be honest , as i sat through this movie mesmerized by just how incredibly awful it was
, i actually forgot about the seemingly out of place opening until it popped up again later in the film .
with the quality of the writing during the rest of the film , it would n't have surprised me if the opening had never been explained .
so what is this movie about ?
you ask .
like it really matters .
ok , here goes .
this all - girl band headed by kelly macnamara ( dolly reed ) and her friends go to hollywood to try to gain a foothold in the music industry .
once there , they do manage to find success ( due as much to their hooters as anything else ?
it sure was n't for their brutally bad singing voices ) , and the movie chronicles how their lives change for the worse as the pressures of fame get to them .
everything from big egos , to booze and drugs to free flowing sex sends them on a downward spiral .
there are a couple of other idiotic subplots thrown in for good measure , but the fame is the one that pretty much sums up this thing .
> from a creative standpoint
there is nothing redeeming here .
other than the above - mentioned obsession with big knockers that russ meyer seemed to have .
the dialogue is so incredibly bad that it literally is funny in parts .
mr .
ebert has generously thrown in helpings of " hey man " , " dig " and my all time favorite -- " this is my happening , and it freaks me out " .
now i ask you , with lines like that how can you go wrong ?
ebert had tried to inject as many big words as possible into the dialogue .
maybe he thought it would make the movie seem smarter .
i do n't know , but all the big words in the world would n't be able to disguise the bad writing and even worse acting .
but the wretched dialogue goes along well with the wretched quality of everything else in this movie .
i 've seen home movies directed better than meyer managed with this turkey .
in fact , there is one scene -- the one in which they are in a van driving to hollywood to make their fortunes -- during which i really had to question if meyer or his editors had just suffered serious head injuries .
add to the directing and writing the music in this movie .
i almost got up to check my sound system to see if it was broken , there was such a pile of crap emanating from the speakers .
then we have the cast .
first lets start david gurian who played harris , the manager of the band .
this has got to be the goofiest looking guy that has ever set foot in front of a motion picture camera .
sadly , his acting does n't come close to making up for his looks . if you have been following along up to this point , this should n't surprise you .
meyer 's stable of well endowed girls also have the benefit of being fairly attractive to go along with their other assets .
dolly reed plays kelly , the leader of the band .
and no surprise here , she was cast for her cup size , not her talents .
and yes , she does loose the shirt a few times and display her impressive talents .
sadly , her ass is almost as large as her chest .
hey , it a sexist movie , so i 'm writing a sexist review .
then we have former playboy playmate cynthia myers in a fairly small role as casey , one of the other band members .
this goes along with the rest of the idiotic thinking in the movie .
meyer casts a gorgeous playmate with a rack to kill for and who obviously has no acting talent at all , but her nude scenes are the biggest disappointment of all .
sure russ , now is the time to get artsy and throw in some well placed shadows .
on the up side , she does have a fun lesbo scene .
i sound like i 'm writing a review in a porn magazine .
but hey , i 'll admit it ; the only reason that i actually managed to sit through this damn movie was to catch a look at cynthia myers naked . and since
that was a huge disappointment , i pretty much wasted two hours of my life on this turkey .
the only thing that i can say about this movie is that you should stay away from it .
unless of course you want to feel good about yourself by knowing that even a pulitzer prize winning film critic like roger ebert has screwed up at least once in his life too .
and if you are thinking of checking it out for the double d 's -- you are better off just downloading nude cynthia myers
pictures off the internet .
this is a movie that should be avoided at all costs .
an even better idea might be to require video stores to place a warning on the box of beyond the valley of the dolls
-- beware : this movie is extremely hazardous to your common sense .
proceed with extreme caution .

SOLUTION: N

PROBLEM: if you want some hearty laughs , then rat race is the movie for you .
this unpretentious little comedy , which sneaks into theaters today with very little hype ,
will have you bouncing in your theater seat .
and while the film fits neatly into the low - brow , slapstick school of comedy , one refreshing aspect is its lack of mean - spiritedness .
the plot follows a group of people chosen at random by an eccentric las vegas casino owner ( john cleese ) who must race from vegas to a bus station locker 700 miles away in silver city , n .
m .
inside the locker is a duffel bag containing $ 2 million .
the first one to open the locker , gets the bag and the money .
what the group of participants does n't know is that cleese 's donald sinclair ( " i can do anything i want -
i 'm eccentric ! " ) is staging the race as a betting game for a group of high rollers at the hotel .
the participants include vera ( whoopi goldberg ) and merrill ( lanai chapman ) , a newly reunited mother and daughter ; disgraced pro football referee owen templeton ( cuba gooding jr . ) ; italian tourist mr .
pollini ( rowan atkinson ) ; randy pear ( jon lovitz ) and his family ; the bumbling con men duane and blaine cody ( seth green and vince vieluf ) ; and cynical young lawyer nick shaffer ( breckin meyer ) .
various amusing encounters and mishaps befall the participants en route to silver city .
screenwriter andy breckman adds a nice touch by not having the racers try to sabotage one another .
the most side - splitting situations involve vera and merrill 's encounter with the squirrel lady , a nice nutsy cameo by kathy bates ; owen 's commandeering a charter bus full of lucille ball look - alikes on their way to a lucy convention ; the cody brothers misadventures with a hot - air balloon , a flying cow and a monster truck ; and the pear family 's stopover at a barbie museum , which turns out not to be what they think it is .
the pear family situation is a fine example of the way breckman 's script builds the laughs .
without going into detail , this bit segues from the museum to hitler 's touring car , to eva braun 's dark lipstick , to lovitz burning his tongue , culminating at a ceremony honoring world war ii veterans .
rat race 's cast is first rate .
cleese is wonderfully devilish and madcap ; lovitz is , at first , a bit whiny , but his character grows on you ; gooding is having a fine romp ; and dave thomas almost steals the show as cleese 's deadpan assistant , a man " born without a personality .
"
the film is directed by jerry zucker , who knows something about comedy
.
along with his brother , david , and friend jim abrahams , he was responsible for such hits as airplane ! and ruthless people .
a throwaway subplot , which is good for some laughs , features cleese and his buddies , betting on a series of outlandish situations , including one dealing with a hooker and pepto - bismol .
this is a fun little feature .
the only letdown comes at the finale , which is too touchy - feely and sweet , almost negating what came before it .
rat race is a summer sleeper , but it will keep you awake , as will the laughter of those watching around you .

SOLUTION: P

PROBLEM: play it to the bone is a punch - drunk mess of a movie . containing a good cast but awful acting ; an interesting premise but terrible execution , ron shelton ( white men ca n't jump ) gives us a rocky story with not one rocky
but two .
rocky no .
1 is vince boudreau ( woody harrelson , edtv ) , a bald , tattooed , newly converted christian , whose idea of christianity is not using the name of christ as a curse word .
. .
something that he has not yet successfully achieved .
rocky no . 2 is caesar dominguez ( antonio banderas , the 13th warrior ) , best friend of vince who is currently dating vince 's ex - girlfriend , grace .
both men are nearing the end of their " almost " careers when a fluke provides them with a redemptive opportunity .
when both fighters of the undercard of a vegas based mike tyson title fight become incapacitated , the fight promoters need to find a quick replacement .
our boys are tapped to fight each other , the winner of which is " promised " a shot at a future title fight .
the film is divided into two sections .
at first , we have a buddy road picture as our two heroes , in grace 's " sassy grassy " green muscle car , travel through the desert to vegas in order to make the fight scheduled for that day .
along the way we learn about their pasts and the opportunities that have come and gone by .
once in vegas , the movie settles down to the effectively staged fight sequences between vince and caesar .
both mr .
harrelson and mr .
banderas have provided us with stunning characterizations in the past ,
not that we 'd know it from their work here .
mr .
harrelson is uncomfortably awkward , apparently never having gotten a firm handle on vince .
the christian conversion angle simply falls flat and unbelievable .
mr .
banderas is uncharacteristically non - charismatic as caesar .
weak and ineffectual , there is little life in his screen performance .
the other actors involved merely play stereotypes of one sort or another .
tom sizemore ( saving private ryan ) , robert wagner ( austin powers ii : the spy who shagged me ) , and richard masur ( fire down below ) are crooked promoters , lucy
liu ( payback ) is a sex - starved hitchhiker looking for a good time , and lolita davidovich ( gods and monsters ) , is the shared girlfriend who ca n't make her mind up which boxer she prefers .
because of the weak characters and the lack of screen chemistry between them , the film flounders with all the appeal of a dead fish until the boxing match actually begins .
but even then , because the outcome is so predictably obvious , the suspense factor is negated and we are relegated to just watching two men pummel each other .
writer / director ron shelton clearly spent much time orchestrating the fight sequence as it is well photographed , well - choreographed , well - edited , and well - performed .
if only some of that same detailed attention had been diverted to the remaining parts of the film .
as it is , the scenes which require the characters to actually talk to one another are weak and laughable .
the title is actually the most interesting aspect of the film .
the phrase , " play it to the bone ' is a reference to seeing something all the way through or not quitting until you 've achieved your desired goal .
that is a biblical principle .
"
know
ye
not that they which run in a race run all , but one receiveth the prize ?
so run , that ye may obtain .
" 1 corinthians 9 : 24 [ kjv ] achieving anything worthy in life requires " playing it to the bone " .
we need to develop fully persuaded mindsets and commitment levels in order to endure and persevere past the obstacles and distractions which lay between us and our stated objectives .
this is true in practical matters of our physical lives as well as the in the developing maturity of our spiritual lives .
as a movie , play it to the bone is hardly worth our time .
but as a principle of life , the phrase " play it to the bone " are words to live by .

SOLUTION:
N