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Tell your teen that you are willing to listen. Listen actively Reserve judgment. Accept some silence.
Your teen may be unsure about whether or not they can turn to you when there is a problem or when they just need to talk to someone. You can make it clear to your teen that you are willing to listen by simply saying something like, "I am here if you ever want to talk." Keep in mind that you may need to remind your teen now and then. For example, if you teen seems like they are struggling with something, you might give a gentle reminder like, "You can always talk to me about it if you want to." . Being available to listen also means listening actively. Active listening shows the speaker that you are present and hearing what they are saying. Some things you can do to be an active listener include: Removing distractions. Facing your teen and making direct eye contact. Nodding your head and making neutral statements, such as "Yes," "I see," and "Go on." Rephrasing what your teen says now and then to show you are listening. Asking for clarification if you need it. For example, if your teen tells you about something that happened between her and her friend Sarah, and she has more than one friend named Sarah, then you might ask, "Sarah B. or Sarah H.?" Judging your teen for what he or she says may cause them to shut down and decide not to open up to you in the future. Therefore, it is best to stop yourself from voicing any judgments about what your teen shares with you. For example, if your teen confides in you that she is thinking about asking someone she likes to the prom, you should not use this as an opportunity to say that you think she could do better. Your teen is not going to change her mind about someone just because you do not approve. It is especially important to reserve judgment if your teen shares something troubling with you, such as that she has committed a crime, that she is feeling suicidal or that she is being bullied at school. If your teen shares something like this with you, then it is normal to be upset and worried. However, telling your teen what she should do or feel is not going to help. Sometimes your teen will not feel like talking to you right away, or at all. Teens often need to try to work things out on their own or calm down before they can share what is going on. This can be frustrating for you, but pushing too hard to try to get your teen to talk can make matters worse. If you push too hard, then your teen may feel like you are invading her privacy and decide not to talk at all. To reduce your chances of getting the silent treatment, you may need to learn how to say less and be patient if your teen does not respond right away. For example, instead of asking your teen lots of questions right when they walk in the door, try saying something like, "Hi honey. I hope you had a nice day. If you feel like telling me about it, just let me know. I'd love to hear all about it." Then just go about your business and allow your teen to talk if he or she wants to talk.