Problem: This review is like what?

Review:Final Justice has the great Joe Don Baker running around Texas, shooting people who shoot people. Then he's off to Malta where he shoots more people. He gets locked up many times for shooting people. Then he gets into a gunfight with the bad guy, who is dressed like a monk. There is a boat chase, and Joe Don winds up in jail again. Finally Joe Don, with the help from Elaine from "Seinfeld" kill the bad guy, blow up a boat or two and someone gets shot with a flare. All this and a catchy theme song, just like Mitchell!
+++++++++
A: negative

Problem: This review is like what?

Review:Evidently lots of people really like this, but I found it infantilising and reasonably offensive codswallop, saved from oblivion by Jane Russell and a couple of memorable musical numbers, especially the opener (but there's a marked dip in invention later on). I don't get on with Monroe - she's supposed to be playing a dumb blonde who ain't that dumb, but she just comes over as dumb. Russell can't quite convince when she claims never to have been in a gymnasium, but is otherwise rather wonderful. The men are staggeringly uninteresting, as is the plot. By no means atrocious, but so patchy that, if this is a classic, God help us all.
+++++++++
A: negative

Problem: This review is like what?

Review:Tales from the Crypt: And All Through the House starts on Christmas Eve as Elizabeth (Mary Ellen Trainor) kills her husband Joseph (Marshall Bell), she drags his body outside ready to throw it down a well but while doing so misses an important news bulletin on the radio that says a homicidal maniac (Larry Drake) dressed as Santa Clause has escaped from a local mental asylum & has already killed several women with Elizabeth next on his list but she has other ideas & tries to turn the seemingly dangerous situation to her advantage...

This Tales from the Crypt story was episode 2 from season 1, directed by the one of the show's regular executive producers Robert Zemeckis And All Through the House is a decent enough watch. The script by Fred Dekker was actually based on a story appearing in the comic 'The Vault of Horror' & was originally adapted to film as one episode from the Britsih horror anthology film Tales from the Crypt (1972) which starred Joan Collins as the murderous wife character here played by Ellen Trainor. This particular version is good enough but doesn't do anything different or special & is a bit too linear & predictable to be considered a classic. At only 25 minutes in length it certainly moves along at a good pace, the story is just about macabre enough & it generally provides decent entertainment & I quite liked the downbeat ending. This time there are Christmas themed opening & closing Crypt Keeper (John Kassir) segments complete with the usual puns.

Director Zemeckis does a good job & there's a nice winterly atmosphere with a hint of Christmas influence as well. There's not much gore here, someone has a poker stuck in their head, someone's face is cut with an icicle, someone's arm is cut with an axe & there's some blood splatter but generally speaking it's not that graphic. The acting by a small cast is pretty good.

And All Through the House isn't the best tale from the crypt but it's a decent one all the same, worth a watch but after the comic book story & original 1972 film version did we really need or even want this?
+++++++++
A: positive

Problem: This review is like what?

Review:STAR RATING: ***** Saturday Night **** Friday Night *** Friday Morning ** Sunday Night * Monday Morning

Marshall Lawson (Steven Seagal) is assigned to France on a reconaissance mission along with three new young strike-team recruits after disobeying a direct order from above. However the night before they're due to strike, they are all found grusomely slaughtered by a killer with seemingly inhuman strength. With the French police dallying around with their own investigation, he goes in search of those responsible himself, only to uncover a corrupt faction of the military dealing in a deadly new drug that alters a person's DNA and gives them terrifying new strength.

Bad cover. Bad title. Bad post-production tampering. And bad trailer. Pretty bad film. But, I've got to say, I don't think Attack Force is quite his worst. I know this will make me unpopular with most of the other reviewers here (perhaps not Steveday!) but I think a lot of the criticism has stemmed from all the bad news that went before the film rather than the actual quality of it itself.

I must say there was nowhere near as much dubbing or ropey editing as I'd been lead to believe. The dubbing there was (which made him sound like Martin Sheen with a groin problem!) was pretty awful and quite frequent but not in use for as large a segment of the film as I'd thought. The plot flowed pretty smoothly as well considering all the messing about with the original finished film called Harvester that went on. Also as another reviewer noted, the film has a nice Gothic look to it, a new touch for a Seagal film.

The absolute killer low point, though, was the complete and total lack of any exciting action, with only a few poorly filmed fight scenes for any fun.

I have to be honest, though, I would rather watch this again than Flight of Fury, Today You Die or Out for a Kill. **
+++++++++
A:
negative