Approach the shy person with a friendly face and tone. Avoid getting too close or rushing up to them; instead, be calm about the interaction. You might also ask them a question about themselves to break the ice and get the conversation flowing. For instance, you might say "Hey Terry! I'm glad to see you. Did I see you at the movies last night?" If you have never officially met them before, introduce yourself and tell them you're glad to meet them. If they don't know you well, the shy person is unlikely to begin chatting, so you'll have to lead the discussion. Be mindful of this during the interaction and don't expect tons of chatter from them. You can start off by saying something like "Did you know there were free donuts in the break room?" Don't be put off or insulted if they only provide short or brief answers at first. It may take them some time to warm up. Before or while you speak to them, make note of things they do well or things they like. If you know where they're from or things they're interested in, use this to make conversation. This helps ensure that they have something to talk about. You can say something like "So, you're from Fayetteville? I used to go there a lot with my mom. Did you like living there?" or "I noticed that you were wearing a Princess Leia shirt the other day. I really like Star Wars! What's your favorite movie of the series? A shy person may feel uncomfortable talking about themselves, but they may enjoy having conversations about other topics. You can get to know them by asking for recommendations for books, shows, movies, and fun activities. For example, if you notice them reading a book, ask them if it is good. You can ask if they have read the author before or if they have reading suggestions. If you're at a social function, you can ask the person what they enjoy doing in the area. Where are their favorite places to go? Shy people tend to dislike small talk, so avoid discussions of things like the weather. Instead, focus on things like their likes, dislikes, work, children or academic interests. You might say something like "I remember that you used to be really interested in WWII. Have you been to any cool museums or seen any recent movies about it?" Instead of asking questions that only require one or two word responses, dig a little deeper. Since shy folks tend to dislike small talk, ask them questions that will help you get to know them better and that'll allow them to talk about themselves. Ask things like "So, why'd you decide to move here?" or "How do you get up so early to work out every day?" Even when you aren't shy, awkward silences can be painful. Instead of sitting in silence, introduce them to friends of yours who are nearby, or have conversation topics on hand to continue your talk. You can even offer to go get them a drink or snack if you are at a luncheon/mixer. For instance, you might discuss school, work, or the latest political or social headlines. At large parties or social functions, it may be difficult to hold a long conversation. If the conversation stalls, ask the person if they want to meet up another time to continue your talk one on one. Even when someone is shy, you can still tell if they're engaged in the discussion. If they're responsive to your open-ended questions, looking at you, or smiling, they're probably interested. However, if they have their body turned away from you and have a blank facial expression, they might not want to be bothered. Give them their space if they're uninterested. Remember that that's okay - at least you tried. You can say something like "Well, I'm glad we got to talk, Josh. Hope you have a good day."

Summary: Give them a warm introduction. Carry the conversation in the beginning. Choose topics you know they can contribute to. Ask for recommendations. Opt for topics deeper than small talk. Ask open-ended questions. Manage awkward silences by changing the topic. Gauge how interested they are in the conversation.

What are you gaining in your sexually harassing behaviors? Better understanding why you feel sexual harassment is necessary will help you find a solution for your behavior and refocus your energy in a more productive way. Examine your reasons for sexually harassing women. Do you want to look good in front of your buddies? Perhaps you need new friends, or give your old friends a heads-up about why sexual harassment is wrong. Does it make you feel strong, powerful, in control? Your insecurity is no excuse for sexual harassment. Talk to a therapist if you struggle with the need to feel "manly" or "tough." Do you feel entitled to touch or talk about a woman's body without her permission? This is a symptom of male privilege, the ability of men to do and say things that women cannot because society judges people of different genders with different yardsticks. Consider how you would feel if someone touched and tried to coerce you into something you did not want to do. Whatever your reason, ask why you think it's acceptable and find a way to undermine the assumptions upon which you've justified sexual harassment. There are consequences for you and consequences for her. There can be emotional, physical, or legal repercussions for sexual harassment depending on the severity and specific circumstances of the situation. Some of these consequences include: You may later feel embarrassed when you realize how rude you've been. In addition to negative feelings, you may open yourself up to legal action, especially in the case of ongoing sexual harassment of one individual. Women who experience sexual harassment feel angry, trapped, and frustrated. Victims of sexual harassment will feel less safe and often have to adjust their travel routes and schedules in order to avoid certain times of the day (especially late at night) or certain places (near bars, colleges, and restaurants) where sexual harassment is a frequent occurrence. Cultural acceptance of sexual harassment leads to rape, domestic violence, and other forms of female disempowerment which women around the world have to confront daily. Imagine you are one of the one in four women who experience sexual harassment in the street before the age of 12 (or one of the one in two women harassed on the street by age 17). How would you feel? Victims of sexual harassment often describe the experience as one in which they feel powerless, afraid, angry, and alone. Stop believing the lie that women enjoy harassment. Just because she smiles doesn't mean she likes it; in fact, a smile is most likely a fear response in the hopes that the situation won't escalate into threats, violence, stalking, rape, or murder. Sexual harassment threatens a woman's sense of safety, and it is never okay. Use the following guiding questions to think carefully about life as a woman under the constant threat of sexual harassment: Would you like to worry about what you are wearing before going out because you might be "asking for it?" What would it feel like to live according to a "rape schedule" leaving bars and other venues early to ensure you are not alone in the parking lot after dark? Do you think your sister, mother, or female friends would appreciate catcalls, staring, or unwanted groping? Would you? Changing habits is hard. Motivate yourself to stop the harassment. Wear a rubber band around your wrist and lightly snap it against your wrist when you feel the urge to harass. Have a stress ball in your pocket to distract yourself when you're feeling the urge to touch someone inappropriately. Conversely, when you go for a week without making a sexual comment or joke which might make women feel awkward or uncomfortable, give yourself a pat on the back and a little reward. As time goes on and you become more sensitive to the reality of sexual harassment, elongate the period of time you wait to reward yourself for speaking and acting free of sexual harassment. Give a detailed verbal apology to any woman you realize you were harassing. Explain that you now realize the error of your ways, and have learned that women deserve respect. A display of penitence will make the women you harassed feel somewhat better, and after a big apology, you will think twice about making lewd comments, gestures, or touches.
Summary: Question your motives. Understand the consequences of sexual harassment. Empathize. Discipline yourself. Make amends.