Write an article based on this "Follow The Eight "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts. At every available opportunity, talk like and/or dress as a pirate. Celebrate Pastafarian Holidays. Pray to the FSM. Do not persecute anyone who does not believe in the FSM. Most of all, have a good time."
" This set of rules (also known as the Eight Condiments) given to the pirate captain Mosey by the FSM himself provides the basic code of behavior for all Pastafarians. There were originally 10 rules, but Mosey dropped and broke two on his way down the mountain, which accounts for Pastafarians' "relaxed" moral standards. The eight surviving rules are: "I'd Really Rather You Didn't Act Like A Sanctimonious, Holier-Than-Thou Ass When Describing My Noodly Goodness." "I'd Really Rather You Didn't Use My Existence As A Means To Oppress, Subjugate, Punish, Eviscerate, And/Or, You Know, Be Mean To Others." "I'd Really Rather You Didn't Judge People For The Way They Look, Or How They Dress, Or The Way They Talk, Or, Well, Just Play Nice, Okay?" "I'd Really Rather You Didn't Indulge In Conduct That Offends Yourself, Or Your Willing, Consenting Partner Of Legal Age AND Mental Maturity." "I'd Really Rather You Didn't Challenge The Bigoted, Misogynist, Hateful Ideas Of Others On An Empty Stomach." "I'd Really Rather You Didn't Build Multi-million Dollar Churches/Temples/Mosques/Shrines To My Noodly Goodness When The Money Could Be Better Spent (take your pick) Ending Poverty, Curing Diseases, Living In Peace, Loving With Passion, And Lowering The Cost Of Cable. "I'd Really Rather You Didn't Go Around Telling People I Talk To You." "I'd Really Rather You Didn't Do Unto Others As You Would Have Them Do Unto You If You Are Into, Um, Stuff That Uses A Lot Of Leather/Lubricant/Las Vegas. If the other person is into it, however (Pursuant To #4), then have at it." In Pastafarianism, pirates have a status similar to saints in Christianity or bodhisattvas in Buddhism. In fact, the mere existence of pirates is said to prevent natural disasters. All Pastafarians are encouraged to adopt the dress, speech, and behavior of a pirate, especially if they are going to be preaching the holy word of the FSM. Pirates typically dress in flamboyant, colonial-era clothing, with ruffled shirts, bright jackets, bandanas, and eye patches being common. Pirates enjoy beer, grog, romance, the high seas, and anything that can get them a day off of work. Like any religion, Pastafarianism has its own yearly holidays. These special days call for joyous celebration, humble reflection, and special devotion to the FSM. A brief calendar of the most important days in the Pastafarian calendar can be found below: Every Friday: Friday is the sabbath day for Pastafarians. However, it doesn't require any sort of special effortPastafarians may celebrate this day by "drinking beer and relaxing." Ramendan: A month of sacrifice during which Pastafarians eat only pasta and noodle dishes after sundown. Start and end dates vary from year to year. Pastover: Pastafarians enjoy a feast of pasta, dress as pirates, and participate in a ritual passing of the eye patch. Date varies from year to year; usually in March or April. Talk Like a Pirate Day (September 19th): Self-explanatory. Pirate costumes are recommended but not required. Halloween (October 31st): Pastafarians are obliged to dress like pirates. "Holiday:" Pastafarians celebrate a vaguely defined Christmas-like event in late December (no specific date is given by the church) any way they like, but especially with pasta, pirates, and beer. Devout Pastafarians may choose to pray on the Friday sabbath, every day, or whenever they feel like itthere are no strict rules about when and where to pray. Though Pastafarians have major figures have written several commonly-used prayers, you don't need to use theseany sincere prayer (even one you make up on the spot) will be received by the FSM. If you choose to pray, end all your prayers with the holy word "Ramen." Here's just one Pastafarian prayeryou can find many more online. Prayer of Knowledge Grant, the Flying Spaghetti Monster, thy sauce; and in sauce, noodles; and in noodles, meatballs; and in meatballs, knowledge; and from knowledge, knowledge of what is tasty; and from knowledge of what is tasty, the love of spaghetti; and from spaghetti, the love of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Ramen. While Pastafarians are encouraged to spread the good word of the FSM in their daily lives, they are not allowed to harass, bully, or otherwise bother people who don't accept the FSM. Not only is this against several of the I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts, it's also just plain rude and not in line with the relaxed, pasta-eating, live-and-let-live philosophy of Pastafarianism. Note that this rule isn't just for people of other religions who consider Pastafarianism a heresyit's for atheists and agnostics as well. Pastafarianism is designed to be a religion that its followers can enjoy. While followers of the FSM range from the extremely casual to the devoted, none should take their Pastafarian beliefs so seriously that they can't crack open a beer on a Friday afternoon the way the FSM intended in his infinite wisdom. Don't get stressed out about anything related to practicing Pastafarianismremember, it's a religion with a holiday called "Ramendan." If beer and pasta do not suit you, there is no pressure to partake. The FSM understand your dietary restrictions and personal preferences. Find something else that you enjoy.