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Many people happen to be introverted, meaning that you're more comfortable spending time alone or with your own thoughts. If this sounds like you, don't force yourself to completely become an outgoing, social person. Doing so can lead to stress, anxiety, and heart disease. Instead, spend time in social situations you already enjoy and try to have meaningful conversations. By accepting your introverted nature, you can focus on the quality of your social interactions rather than trying to increase the number of social interactions you have. You can become socially confident by engaging other people in a way that interests them and makes them feel heard. These skills, along with the ability to make others feel heard, are known as social competence. Research has shown that improving social competence actually increases positive self-perceptions and acceptance during social situations. Practicing social competence can create opportunities for yourself, since you're more likely to approach others. How you see yourself is one of the most common factors that influences your confidence. You may think that you're giving off a negative impression to others in social situations, but you're probably just looking for anything to confirm your own beliefs. If you don't see yourself as socially confident, it can be easy to look for evidence that confirms your belief, since people prefer experiences to match their predictions. Instead, reframe a situation to challenge how you see yourself. Catch yourself thinking negative thoughts and ask yourself what evidence you see or hear that proves the thought. For example, imagine you're out and think, "I know everyone here thinks I'm boring because I have nothing interesting to say." Stop thinking the negative thought and ask yourself what proves that thought without a doubt. Once you've started looking for evidence to support how you feel, test the evidence to see if it was caused by other things beyond your control. Don't assume that others' reactions are caused by you, because this can often leave you feeling deflated. Realize that others' reactions are a product of themselves and not you. It may be helpful to steer your assumptions in the direction of compassion for the other person while taking a position of caring curiosity about what might be going on with them. For example, maybe you saw someone make a face, and you thought that they were uninterested in what you were talking about, or you saw someone end a conversation prematurely and run off. Ask yourself if these could be attributed to other things. The person who made the face may not be feeling well or may be uncomfortable in that seat, or may have seen someone he or she was hoping not to run into. The person who rushed out could she have been late for a meeting and forgot to mention it. Or maybe he or she has been stressed and really needed some alone time. If you express compassion towards others, you'll be creating a positive environment when you interact with other people. The more positive social interactions you have, the more you could build your confidence. Being able to pick up on social cues and express empathy, are important parts of engaging meaningfully with others. For example, if your friend rushes out, you could text or call her later to see if she's alright. She'll most likely appreciate your compassion and understanding. At times, people just don't click with each other, even when they make an effort to be social and put themselves forward. It's natural, and everyone goes through this. To build your social confidence, remember that you cannot take responsibility for the way other people feel and act. If a person you're trying to speak with isn't responding, that's on the other person, not you. Shrug it off and move on. There will be someone who you will click with, or at the very least, have enough social skill to engage in pleasant, polite conversation.
Accept your personality. Understand the importance of confidence. Avoid negative thoughts. Test your beliefs. Express compassion for others. Maintain healthy expectations.