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People are very vulnerable when they cry. Your reaction when your friend breaks down in tears can either be really helpful or extremely harmful. The best way to handle tears is with acceptance and love, rather than awkwardness or disgust. Know that your friend is going to cry from time to time, and be prepared to handle his or her tears in a positive, helpful way instead of making him or her feel worse. Think ahead about how you'll react if your friend cries when you're together. Prepare to give him or her a hug, continue making eye contact, and stay for as long as necessary. Leaving the room, looking away, making a joke or somehow cutting off the conversation can leave the person feeling embarrassed that he or she cried. Being reliable is more important than ever when your friend is going through the loss of a relative. Answering or returning phone calls is a big deal. Make sure to return texts and respond to messages of any kind when your friend is going through a period of mourning. If you tend to be on the flaky side in this arena, make an extra effort to be present for your friend. Ask your friend how you can help make things easier during the first few months after his or her relative died. Don't just say "Let me know if there's anything I can do to help"; many people will say those words, and they usually don't really intend to get involved. If you really want to make a difference, ask for concrete things you can start doing to make life a little easier for your friend and his or her family. Here are a few things you could do: Make food or bring food to your friend and his/her family. Or, if you're challenged by the kitchen, you could bring them nice carry-out. Give people rides Do household chores Take care of the person's pets Get the person's homework assignments Make phone calls to inform people about the person's loss A good way to express your support for your friend is to show your friend you're thinking about him or her. Go above and beyond to be thoughtful more often than you normally would. The small ways in which you show your friend you care can be as meaningful as having a big heart-to-heart conversation. Try doing the following: Make cookies or bake a cake Take the person out to the movies or go for a walk in the park Send a thoughtful card in the mail Email the person more often Include the person in more social activities Give the person gifts every once in a while Your friend might not be the same for a long time. He or she might seem sad, distracted or a little less energetic for months or even years after a close relative passes away. Being a good friend means staying in the friendship even when someone goes through big changes, and if you love your friend, you won't expect him or her to "bounce back" - you'll go along for the ride. Don't pressure your friend to do activities he or she no longer finds fun. Understand that your friend might go through serious problems after the loss of a relative. Sometimes people turn to addictive behaviors or experience major depression as a result of grief and trauma. If you're worried that your friend might harm him or herself, help your friend get help. After a few months, most people will get wrapped up in their own busy lives and stop thinking about your friend's loss. But your friend will need support for more than just a few months after losing a close relative. Be there for your friend for as long as he or she needs a little extra help and care. Check in on the anniversary of your friend's relative's death. Ask your friend how he or she is doing. The best thing you can do for your friend is just to be there. If they call, talk or set up plans. If they don't, send a card saying you're thinking of them. It's best to let them grieve while you offer your embrace and your love.
Handle tears with grace. Answer your messages. Help out. Find little ways to be thoughtful. Be patient and understanding. Be a steady presence.