over 40 years ago , a japanese production company called toho introduced the land of the rising sun to gojira , a reptilian creature of immense proportions created by mankind's nuclear testing . 
partly flight of fancy , partly commentary on the exploitation of atomic power and weaponry , gojira emerged from the ocean to terrorize tokyo . 
a year later , gojira was marketed to the united states by adding three things : a new name , a dubbed english track , and raymond burr . 
as godzilla , the film took on the rest of the world . 
thirty years later , toho remade the classic film and once again took it to the american market by adding the same three things ( yes , including raymond burr ) and called it godzilla 1985 . 
now it's 14 years after toho's remake , and director roland emmerich has allowed the giant lizard to make an american first run . 
in emmerich's godzilla , matthew broderick plays dr . niko tatopoulos , a biologist who is called in to join other scientists in the south pacific already studying the existence of a radiation-induced super mutant which leaves footprints the size of livingrooms . 
when the mutant reptile suddenly appears out of the hudson river , tatopoulos and the rest of the team relocate themselves back to the states . 
meanwhile , tatopoulos's college girlfriend , audrey timmonds ( maria pitillo ) , works in new york city as an assistant to a big-time news reporter . 
she'd like to be a reporter herself , and when godzilla comes ashore , she figures this is her big break . 
of course , with the big guy running amok in the city , niko and audrey are bound to cross paths , and are joined by victor " animal " palotti ( hank azaria ) , audrey's trusty cameraman friend , and phillipe roche ( jean reno ) , an operative for the french government , whose nuclear testing started the whole problem in the first place . 
together they attempt to find and destroy the surprisingly elusive godzilla . 
with the resources of the most cutting edge special effects houses and the clout of one of the nation's premiere movie production companies , one would think emmerich could make a film truly deserving of the name godzilla . 
he didn't . 
right up there with the lost world , godzilla is one of the biggest disappointments in recent cinematic history . 
the plot is pretty much what we expect : the big dinosaur-like creature comes out of the water and starts smashing new york city , and it's up to our heroes to figure out why this thing is on its rampage and how it can be stopped , while the military makes futile attempts to bring the creature down . 
the script , however , is painfully bad . 
it's fraught with lines so corny , they don't even belong in b-movies , and includes many character actions which make you think , " you idiot , " or " you stupid girl . " 
i suppose when you've got a movie with a giant lizard loose in new york , any other semblance of reality goes out the window as well . 
why is it that godzilla topples some buildings by merely brushing against them , but is conveniently able to leap atop others ? 
why do helicopters have to follow godzilla by flying dangerously between buildings where they can lose sight of him , when they could more easily keep track of him by flying a little higher and in a straight line ? 
why do sidewinder missiles , which have small explosive warheads , blow up entire buildings when they miss godzilla ? 
why is a mission to bomb madison square garden carried out by three f-18 fighter-bombers , when flights of such aircraft are always comprised of multiples of two ? 
okay , maybe the last one was a bit nit-picky , but hey , i was on a roll . 
broderick is usually a good actor , but in this film he's weighed down by an unexciting character and an atrocious screenplay which seem to fight against him every step of the way . 
hank azaria does what he can , but don't expect to see development of any of the promise he showed in the birdcage . 
like broderick's , azaria's character is quite simply lacking in color . 
what really annoyed me was maria pitillo , who actually takes the bad script and makes it worse with her acting . 
casting must have been asleep on this one . 
the one bright spot here is jean reno , who oddly enough seems to fit well into a role which is often comedic , quite unlike what we've seem him do in the past . 
although his character is contradictory to the unfolding disaster , reno brings a style to the role of phillipe which makes him enjoyable . 
unfortunately , the same cannot be said of the other incongruities . 
the entire feel of the movie is tongue-in-cheek , and seems to pay comical homage to a dozen or so films that have come before it . 
this results in a significant amount of parody , which contrasts sharply with the threat of the monster , and ends up just producing a mess . 
most of the characters seem to be there for comic relief , and almost none are smart enough for the audience to take seriously . 
although emmerich obviously wanted to make a fun action picture , what good is it to sink millions into a cgi creature whose ferocity is undermined by the humans he threatens ? 
if we can't take the characters seriously , the threat they face is an empty one because we simply don't care what happens to them . 
godzilla simply pulls too many punches in its attempt to be a film more light-hearted than it should be . 
far be it from me to want to see more carnage in the theaters , but here's a behemoth running through the city ! 
there's bound to be a lot of casualties , but instead godzilla is afflicted with the after-school g . i . 
joe cartoon syndrome , where almost everyone seems to get out of harm's way just in time . 
in a couple of scenes , godzilla briefly breathes fire . 
none of the characters even remark upon this ability , nor is it used to any particular advantage by the filmmakers . 
it's as if the special effects people just wanted to show that yes , godzilla can do this , just like in the old movie . 
consider another punch pulled . 
through creative script writing , you can make a sequel out of just about any movie , but the final scene in this one doesn't just leave the door open , it opens into a hallway leading directly into a room where godzilla ii is waiting patiently . 
it made me want to gag . 
emmerich should have done away with 90% of the humor and in-jokes and played this one as a straight action film . 
with an intelligently written screenplay , godzilla could have been so much more . 
however , by confusing the viewer with a ton of add-ins and parodies , the movie ends up being something that just doesn't work . 
now if they only had raymond burr . . . .