polsci/sentiment-polarity-dataset-v2.0 huggingface dataset:
" be gentle , " urges natasha henstridge to matthew perry in " the whole nine yards . " 
 " i haven't made love in five years . " 
 " neither have i , " rebuts perry . 
 " i'm married ! " 
if jonathan lynn's latest comedy relied simply on jokes of that caliber--and it certainly tries--then it'd be an innocuous if rather obvious little film . 
instead , its failings go much deeper . 
first off , who hasn't had enough of the tough wiseguy intimidates the timid wise guy genre ? 
if you want to make a pretty penny or two in hollywood nowadays simply write a " comedy " which pairs a robert de niro/james caan/bruce willis type with a billy crystal/hugh grant/matthew perry type and wait for the royalties to roll in . 
who's next ? 
jack nicholson and martin short ? 
it certainly doesn't have to be funny . 
 " the whole nine yards " is not a particularly funny film , but it is borderline offensive . 
offensive in the way it continues a trend of poking fun at career criminals who wouldn't think twice about pushing your mother-in-law off the brooklyn bridge with her feet encased in concrete . 
that might sound like a funny sight gag , but the problem is these films have long since lost sight of the fact that taking a human life isn't all that funny to begin with . 
when the corpse is placed in a car , doused with gasoline , set ablaze and referred to as " barbecue , " it makes you wonder when all this playing killing for laughs is going to end . 
 " the whole nine yards " is also offensive in so much as its three central female characters are portrayed as nothing more than sex objects . 
rosanna arquette plays a slutty , chain-smoking french canadian who's married to matthew perry's none-too-successful dentist . 
it's an unflattering role made all the more so by the unflattering outfits--and unflattering situations--into which arquette is thrust . 
then there's natasha henstridge ( " species " i and ii ) who plays the well-to-do wife of contract killer bruce willis . 
she gets involved with perry's character when he comes to chicago hoping to negotiate a finder's fee with mob boss yanni gogolack ( kevin pollack , transposing his vs with his ws ) after willis' jimmy the tulip tudeski moves in next door . 
henstridge and perry's characters hitting it off is about as likely as bruce and demi getting back together . 
perry might have the charm but he doesn't have the physical attributes of a traditional leading man , especially in close-up . 
most objectified of the bunch is amanda peet , who turns in a sexually-ripe performance as perry's dental assistant with , it transpires , questionable career goals . 
peet's gratuitous nude scene proves how low this movie will stoop to keep its audience from dropping off . 
when " my cousin vinny " is the highpoint of a directorial career including such forgettable films as " clue , " " greedy , " and " sgt . 
bilko , " you have to wonder if lynn chose the wrong career path . 
perry's pratfalling goofiness coupled with willis' likable hardness could have had some potential but with no script to work with , and a director who seems to be watching from the wings , their characters run out of gas quickly .
susan granger's review of " session 9 " ( usa films ) 
sometimes you just get more than your bargained for . . . like when boston-based hazmat elimination , run by scottish actor peter mullan and his trusty assistant , david caruso , assures a town engineer ( paul guilifoyle ) that they can remove insidious asbestos fibers from a victorian hospital facility in a week . 
erected in 1871 , deserted and decomposing since 1985 , the danvers mental hospital , is one of the most malevolent " locations " ever chosen for a film . 
the structure is so massive - with its labyrinth of rubble-strewn corridors , collapsing floors , stagnant pools of water , isolation cells , and ominous surgical chambers where experimental pre-frontal lobotomies were performed - that their task seems impossible within that time frame . 
and each member of their inexperienced crew ( stephan gevedon , brandon sexton iii , and josh lucas ) is coping with his own personal demons as , one by one , their minds seem to be affected by the grim areas in which they're working . 
the film's title is derived from salvaged reel-to-reel audio-recorded sessions involving the demonic possession of a young woman who is suffering from multiple personalities . 
by the time session 9 occurs so do dreadful disasters . 
filmmaker brad anderson obviously envisioned this as a gruesome chainsaw-massacre-type ghost story but the script lacks structure and isn't particularly scary . 
the conclusion is more ludicrous than convincing . 
on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10 , " session 9 " is a dark , gloomy 4 . silly me . . . at 
first , i thought that the original name of the danvers lunatic asylum bore some reference to mrs . danvers , the creepy housekeeper played by judith anderson in alfred hitchcock's truly terrifying " rebecca " that also involved a cavernous mansion called manderley .
gregg araki's the doom generation was possibly the very worst film ever made . 
so why did i see his latest teen bisexual angst opus ? 
first of all , some of the reviews were fairly positive . 
also , the cast , consisting of cameos from dozens of washed up ex tv stars ( including christopher knight , eve plumb , shannen doherty , and david leisure ) was promising . 
last of all , i wanted to give arraki one more chance . 
i mean , the guy can't be that untalented , can he ? 
the answer to that question is three letters long . 
nowhere follows the character dark on his wild and odd journey through los angeles . 
since arraki doesn't know how to make anything coherent , it's hard to describe the plot . 
let's just say that dark spends the bulk of the movie whining that his girlfriend won't make a commitment to him and jealous because she sleeps around with other guys and girls . 
the only remotely compelling storyline involves sarah lassez as a teen who has a chance encounter with a famous tv star . 
he turns out to be a nice guy who doesn't care for fame and wishes he could walk down the street without being mobbed by fans . 
this story has a shocking twist and a tragic end that i did not see coming . 
it is the first time i ever felt any compassion for a character created by arraki , and this can be attributed to the appealing performance of lassez . 
i thought maybe arraki was improving in his craft . 
he works better with the camera this time around , especially in the early scenes . 
halfway through the film , i didn't necessarily find myself enjoying the film , but it seemed like a considerable improvement on the doom generation . 
then as the movie went on , arraki loses all sensibility and introduces us to exploding heads , twisted sex games , and alien abductions . 
it's sad , because he almost actually had some decent material here , but he ruined it with his usual in your face " i'm such a renegade maverick filmmaker , look what i can do " attitude . 
the performances are generally better than in the doom generation , which isn't saying much . 
at least we don't have to suffer jonathan " i am the most hideous man in america " schaech . 
we are , however treated to another round of james " i'm more wooden than keanu " duval . 
sarah lassez gives the best performance in the film , and kathleen robertson ( formerly of 90210 and now arraki's wife ) and rachel true are talented actresses caught up in this mess . 
of the tv star cameos , john ritter is the most interesting as a deranged right wing tv evangelist . 
if i prefer nowhere to the doom generation , it is only in the way that i would prefer being assassinated than receive constant physical torture . 
maybe greg arraki doesn't want you to like his characters . 
maybe he wants to laugh and make fun of those of us who try to care about them . 
maybe he just wanted to piss me off . 
if so , he was successful .
phil ( radmar jao ) has a hairy problem . 
his beard is growing so rapidly that he has to shave every hour . 
he recently met the author of a non-fiction book on lycanthropy , also referred to in the movie as werewolfism , and phil now believes that his problem is that he has become a werewolf . 
using enough chains and handcuffs to be a hit at a sadomasochists convention , he ties himself in at night lest his urges overcome him . 
and phil is just one of the many quirky characters that inhabit shopping for fangs . 
made on a pittance , the film features an almost exclusively asian-american cast . 
as directed by quentin lee and justin lin , the movie is so amateurishly bad that it could almost be a parody of indie films . 
jeanne chin plays katherine , a meek and soft-spoken wife , who worries that her husband is unhappy with her because she is not giving him enough sex . 
we know this through the endless scenes of her confessing her sins , real and imagined , to her therapist . 
as her husband , jim , clint jung plays a muscle man with a macho crudeness . 
the picture is filled with stereotypes . 
there's a mysterious , loud-mouthed waitress with a big , platinum blonde wig who brags to everyone she meets that she's a lesbian . 
she spends most of the movie putting the moves on her favorite customer , a gay guy . 
and the lone white with a major role , the author on werewolfism , has wildly unkempt , orangey blonde , curly hair . 
from its opening scene of an attempted rape at knifepoint to its easy to guess ending twist , the script rarely has anything to offer . 
the story is so minimally developed that it feels almost like the actors were ad-libbing . 
one can only hope that the directors' next film will have some substance and some credible acting . 
shopping for fangs runs 1 : 30 . 
it is rated r for sex , violence , and profanity and would be fine for older teenagers .
ladies and gentlemen , payback is the most expensive episode of " the equalizer " i've ever seen . 
gibson plays porter , a burglar shot and left for dead by his wife ( deborah kara unger , in an all-too-brief cameo ) and partner ( henry ) after a successful heist . 
as a morgue attendant sets about removing the bullets from porter's back , porter miraculously springs back to life . 
he makes it his mission , as a walking dead man without a conscience , to exact revenge on those who screwed him and reclaim his share of the loot . 
 ( in a running gag , porter demands $70 000 , but everybody mishears him and assumes he's after the entire $130 000 haul . ) 
in his travels ( or travails ) , porter encounters several other one-named villainous cretins like fairfax ( james coburn as a white-haired , millionaire thief ) and carter ( kristofferson , as a brown-haired , millionaire thief-the kingpin of the obligatory " operation " ) . 
helgeland's film ( which was recut by mel the producer ) is devoid of an imperative dime store charm . 
the novelty of seeing a big movie star mercilessly dispatching criminals wears off quickly : a ) because the bad guys can only be differentiated by their coifs , and b ) because mel's schtick doesn't evolve from act one-he's the terminator stranded in a plot without a sci-fi hook to keep us interested after the initial sadistic thrill is gone . 
payback should have been called playback : it's a 102-minute loop of the same short sequence . 
 ( mel : " i want my money . " 
anonymous villain : " no . " 
mel shoots gun . 
anonymous villain dies . 
mel meets up with his hooker friend ( bello ) . 
second verse , same as the first . ) 
it's not porter's single-mindedness that robs the film of snap , crackle , and pop ; as a character who has already " died " once , he has nothing to lose and so much to gain . 
the movie lacks danger . 
the only thing porter is in jeopardy of is putting the audience to sleep . 
payback has a gritty , metallic look to it that also becomes monotonous ; its cinematography would be more appropriate in one of those bleak urban psychodramas that come out of england every couple of months . 
 ( director of photography ericson core should have been fired early on for lighting bello , so va-va-va-voom in permanant midnight , to look like a potato in a gregg allman wig . ) 
to analyze such mediocrity is to grant payback far more attention than it deserves . 
perhaps only someone as experienced with antagonists-as-protagonists as tarantino-look what he did with the similar hero-less botched-robbery tale reservoir dogs-could have pulled off this material ( a loose remake of john boorman's point blank ) . 
the movie presents us with the conventions of pulp fiction ( all women are femme fatales ; even the cops are in on it , etc . ) and crosses them with the conventions of cheesy tv crime melodramas ( death is never in the cards for the main character , etc . ) but transcends neither .
the swooping shots across darkened rooftops suggest a very tim burton movie , but , alas , no caped crusader descends to save * this * film . 
instead , it's a skeletal housemaid ( julia roberts ) who must bear witness to this unfortunate retelling of " dr . 
jekyll and mr . hyde . " 
for a few , fleeting , maddening moments , director stephen frears ( dangerous liaisons ) gets everything just right-- the tone , the colors , the characters ; all the ingredients to make a most-powerful potion out of valerie martin's best-selling novel . 
yet it fizzles too quickly ; the volatile mixture losing potency from the very first scene . 
casting is a large part of the problem . 
the story all but collap- ses around ms . roberts-- she doesn't have the range for this kind of drama . 
her accent also comes and goes , though it's nowhere near as glaring as the total lack of chemistry between her and co-star john malkovich . 
 ( he looks the same in both of his roles-- an incredible fact that's missed by everyone in the story ! ) 
the very british supporting cast-- including michael gambon and george cole-- gives credibility to the smaller parts . 
glenn close also appears as a madam that the good doctor calls upon . 
her performance is as close to intentional camp as the movie ever gets and-- as a bonus-- offers a likely peek at her upcoming cruella de ville in the live-action 101 dalmantions . 
the biggest botch in mary reilly is suspense : there is none . 
no terror , no tension ; nothing . 
without any weight , wit , or wonder to propel the story , the viewer is left with little more to do than pay attention to the period detail , a few buckets of blood , and stuart craig's fabulously dreary production design . 
all of which gets old after about an hour , at which point i recommend leaving . 
 ( the pacing in the second-half is especially abominable . 
if you * do * stick it through , your sole reward is a half-hokey special effect depicting the infamous transformation . ) 
mr . frears reportedly recut his film several times , missing several release dates in the process . 
 ( obviously , no one advised him to throw up his hands and just turn the whole damned thing over to mel brooks . 
blucher ! ) 
mary reilly is the second robert louis stevenson story of the month , after muppet treasure island . 
perhaps mr . frears should consult with brian henson on future projects . 
i daresay that even ms . piggy is a better choice for a certain roles than julia roberts . 
and she does have a great chop !
guilt . guilt is something i felt while watching basic instinct for the ninth time ; the penultimate t & a thriller , basic instinct made my last few teenage years worth living . 
but i know so well that it's a terrible film , made by a terrible director incapable of feeling guilt . 
verhoeven went on to make the even more offensive showgirls and , on november seventh , 1997 , unleashed starship troopers to innocent moviegoers like me , who cannot control the urge to see giant bug movies . 
the pic begins with the most unintentional laugh of the year . 
a simple , white on black title card reads " starship troopers " -my friends and i speculated that the night before the prints were shipped , verhoeven realized he forgot the credits . 
is this how a hundred million dollar movie should open ? 
were the rest of the film that subdued . . . 
starship troopers is about a group of white , blond-haired himbos and bimbos who all have spanish last names . 
they graduate high school , join the military , and then , rather curiously , decide to travel to an alien planet and destroy all lifeforms on that planet . 
the story is so incomprehensible , and told so bombastically , it's akin to 129 minutes of someone screaming punishments at you in a foreign tongue . 
 ( aside , club lovers will be happy to know that dance music hasn't changed in the future . ) 
one plus : starship troopers contains some very funny sequences , specifically the newsreels of the future . 
hysterically funny , actually . 
but the cynicism of these reports left me curious as to whether verhoeven felt pessimistic about the story in between . 
the storytelling lacks focus , to say the least . 
the politics of the film are scary . 
the actions of the major female characters are dictated by their out-of-control libidos . 
there's even a creepy sex scene : the lovely dina meyer makes out , nude , with the sickening van dien while half her face is covered by her opaque sweater , just the way he seems to like it . 
i use the term sickening because van dien is the least appealing actor i've encountered in a big budget picture ; all chiseled features and machismo , he even barks a eulogy at a funeral like military orders . 
of course , verhoeven's probably the one to blame , and perhaps i'm jealous because i'm so disgusting . 
at any rate , a movie called starship troopers shouldn't be about sex . 
exactly ten years ago , verhoeven made robocop , which was about nothing but skillfully made and oddly moving . 
and r-rated , despite its goofy premise . 
maybe it's asking too much for verhoeven to make a pg-movie , then-he's a master of insipid violence . 
however , ten year old boys would adore starship troopers if they could see it .
" you damn dirty apes ! " 
that's just one of the inadvertenty hilarious lines from planet of the apes that's taken on a comedic context over time . 
no one back then seemed to realize how over-the- top charlton heston's acting style was , but it shows now , particularly in this " mystery science theater 3000 " wannabe that was taken for a film masterpiece in its time , actually winning one oscar ( for makeup , no less ) and being nominated for a couple others . 
it also spawned multiple sequels like beneath the planet of the apes , escape from the planet of the apes , return of the planet of the apes , beneath the escape from the return of the planet of the apes , planet of the apes : the next generation , police academy of the apes . . . 
the list goes on . 
heston is an american astronaut who spends a few thousand light years in space with his three companions and ends up on a planet not too dissimilar from earth . 
the thing is , on this planet humans can't talk or think and the guys in the gorilla masks are the dominant species . 
heston's companions are killed or turned into vegetables by the apon is imprisoned . 
he surprises them all with his gift of speech , making two primate scientists ( roddy mcdowall and kim hunter ) believe heston is the missing link between ape and man . 
believe me , we movie critics have been thinking the same thing for years . 
when the two apes present the idea before a judicial counsel ( the head ape being shakespearean actor maurice evans ) , it is received as heresy , for all good monkeys know god " created ape in his image . " 
but heston has already seen a cave that contains evidence that humans were originally the dominant species , before apes ever gained the ability to speak and run for president . 
and he takes them there , holding up a baby doll and yelling , " if humans couldn't speak , then how do you account for this talking doll ? ! " 
and how do you account for your acting ability , mr . heston ? 
the absolute most laughable scene comes with the movie's surprise conclusion . 
i won't reveal the details except to say it involves heston falling to his knees on a beach and yelling " god damn you all to hell ! " 
several times in succession . 
the movie is atrocious and should only be viewed by those members of society who like to watch bad movies and laugh at them . 
what makes planet of the apes even more amusing is that it was supposed to function as some sort of social irony , a condemnation of fundamentals who reject the theories of evolution . 
but let me tell you , if darwin could see the ape masks and hear the rotten dialogue exchanges ( heston [to female ape] : may i kiss you before i go ? 
ape : but . . . 
you're so . . . 
ugly . ) , he'd convert to creationism on the spot . 
luckily for us , science-fiction movies have evolved over time to the point at which some of them are actually good .
the one question that eats at me after seeing corky romano is why touchstone spent so much money marketing this throwaway film . 
since june , i haven't been able to turn on the tv or go to the movies without getting hit by some ad depicting chris kattan as the spastic corky , shrieking out a-ha's " take on me " in his yellow miata . 
why would disney sink so much cash into the corky hype machine ? 
honestly , i was hoping that all the goofball ads were actually a front for a decently funny movie . 
man , was i wrong . 
corky romano is one of those throwaway , clich ? -ridden tv-star-to-film vehicles built upon the most rickety of plots . 
fortunately for chris kattan's precariously positioned career , corky does have some good laughs , even if most of them are of the lowest-brow variety . 
kattan plays the title character , the unsinkable assistant veterinarian corky who has a penchant for sunshiny '80s tunes , bright ties , and banal coffee mug slogans ( " you don't have to be crazy to work here , but it sure helps . " ) . 
when his mob boss dad ( peter falk ) is about to be put away on murder charges , his bungling , lughead brothers ( peter berg and chris penn ) rope in innocent , black sheep corky to infiltrate the fbi as an agent and steal the evidence . 
predictably , hijinks ensue . 
if the basic plot sounds bad , wait until you get into the inner-workings of this clunker . 
the writers will amaze you with the depth of their inanity . 
corky's fbi agent identity is named corky pissant ( " that's pronounced pees-ahn . 
it's french . " ) . 
he becomes a first-rate agent by accidentally stumbling mr . magoo-style onto the proper clues and talking his way in and out of situations , which plays like something out of a sitcom . 
and not a good sitcom , i mean . 
the romano family brothers even insult each other by farting in each other's face . 
and in a scene taken straight from there's something about mary , corky gives a dachshund mouth-to-mouth resuscitation . 
but it's not a complete disaster . 
the manic kattan does occasionally rescue some comic moments , including a bit featuring a cat in a fat suit named jesus and another involving schoolchildren , a german shephard , and a kilo of cocaine . 
plus , berg -- whose career has obviously gone downhill since the last seduction and chicago hope -- gives a great turn as the illiterate brother paulie . 
and , it's nice to see that richard roundtree of shaft fame is getting work . 
unfortunately for those out there who can't truly appreciate animal or fart jokes , corky won't have much to offer you . 
so the next time one of those pesky ads appears on your tv , asking , " who is corky ? " 
you can simply reply , " who cares ? "
plot : two sister witches have to live with a curse placed upon their family , which prevents them from ever enjoying a full life with a lover . 
the hex invokes the eventual demise of their loved one . 
when one of their past loves comes back to haunt them , they have to figure a way out of their eternal dilemma . 
critique : i've been waiting for a good witch movie for a while now , but hold on to your brooms and incantations , cause this puppy is far from being it ! 
for a film that has the word " magic " in its title , this movie contains very few moments of magic . . . or 
humor for that matter , drama , suspense , or romance . 
well actually , there is some manufactured romance within a plot that is so muddled , it never lets you in on whether it's a comedy , a drama , a horror show , or a murder mystery . 
or maybe it's a romance , eh ? 
it doesn't really matter , cause the characters in the film are so boring and uninteresting , that you have absolutely no basis on which to care for them , or the film as a whole . 
if only the filmmakers had spent as much time on the plot as they did the sinfully obvious soundtrack , this film might've had a chance to be more than what it is now . 
which is an unentertaining , crappy film that uses the witch angle as a diversionary tactic to weave us away from its grab-bag of stupid voice-overs , overdone songs , melodramatic romance , undeveloped story and uneven acting . 
i only wish that i could make that one hour and forty-five minutes of my life re-appear , but alas , it is lost in the spiritual world of " interesting ideas gone wildly awry " . 
little known facts about this film and its stars : this film is based on the novel written by alice hoffman . 
co-screenwriter akiva goldsman also wrote the screenplay for 1997's batman & robin . 
director griffin dunne is known mainly as an actor in such films as an american werewolf in london and after hours .
the scene at the end of 1989's `dead poets society , ' when robin williams' english students stand up on their desk and say , `captain , my captain , ' gets me every time . 
unfortunately , the court room scene near the end of robin's newest film , `patch adams , ' doesn't have anywhere near the same impact . 
from the surface `patch adams' looks very promising . 
it's a story about a not so young man , patch adams ( robin williams ) , who finds meaning in his life through helping sick people . 
when the film opens , we find patch , depressed and suicidal , checking himself into a mental hospital . 
in a few scenes , strongly reminiscent of `one flew over the cuckoo's nest , ' he ends up helping the patients through their problems ; and it's here that he finds how much he loves working with people . 
so he checks himself out of the hospital , and heads straight to medical school . 
right from the start , patch uses comedy to help make the patient more comfortable . 
he continuously breaks medical tradition and makes the dean of the school angry . 
shortly after joining medical school , he meets and falls in love with carin ( monica potter ) . 
they , along with patch's dork friend , truman ( daniel london ) , start a medical clinic for uninsured people . 
once the dean catches wind of the clinic , he tells patch he can't graduate and kicks him out of school . 
patch , like what any true american would do , takes the school to court . 
it's here where the not so climatic court room battle takes place , over whether or not patch can become a real doctor . 
i have never seen a movie with some potential just completely blow it . 
it seems more like a series of short sketches , rather than a full-length movie . 
considering it runs almost two hours , much too long for such a light film , it could have flowed much smoother . 
not to mention the fact of how serious the film takes itself , and manages to cover all the cliches of bad melodrama . 
robin williams saves the film from being abysmal with several comic scenes that elevate the movie to entertaining and worthwhile levels . 
but those moments are rare and in the end `patch adams' is barely average .
wesley snipes is a master of selecting bad action roles . 
murder at 1600 , u . s . marshals , money train , drop zone , boiling point , and the ultimate camp film - passenger 57 . 
the art of war is another entry in this very ugly and unique category . 
ultimately , it is little more than a ridiculous action film with a plot as believable as the warren report , ugly violence that would have made peckinpah cringe , and terrible acting by b-list actors like michael biehn and anne archer . 
oddly , it feels like the undiscovered sequel to another snipes " masterpiece , " rising sun . 
the movie revolves around the convenient story of a special un operative caught up in a secret murder conspiracy involving a chinese ambassador , the chinese triad brotherhood , a rich chinese businessman ( played by ? that bad guy from rising sun , cary-hiroyuki tagawa ) a chinese un interpreter , and , inexplicably , donald sutherland . 
the film ends with more confusion than a boatload of chinese immigrants trying to register at ellis island . 
or should i say the film ends with the most blatant ripoff of both the matrix and all of john woo's hong kong films combined . 
i am really at a loss to figure out why wesley snipes had the gumption to not only star in this action dud but also act as one of the producers of the film . 
i usually enjoy snipes' movies - though his dramatic roles better show off his creativity as an actor than the flashiness of his action films . 
simply , i am amazed by the how inane the script was , filled with terrible cliches and extremely violent action sequences . 
director christian duguay ( screamers ) has a strange attraction to the viciousness of violent acts -- showing splattering brains , people impaled with broken shards of glass , and lots of gargling and gagging as blood sprays everywhere . 
it also sickens me to know that oliver stone , one of the greatest directors working today , had his hand in producing this monstrosity . 
i guess snipes sold stone on the conspiracy angle and stone chose not to read the script , watch the dailies , be involved in casting , or anything else -- or else he'd be filing a court order to remove his name from the credits . 
it's also seems evident that with the russkies as our new bosom buddies and the middle eastern terrorist angle being beaten to death in the last couple of years that the new international enemies in hollywood are the communist chinese . 
i'm sure over the next couple of months , even more " chinese conspiracy/martial-arts action flicks " are going to be popping up in your local multiplex . 
hopefully they won't include wesley snipes .
senseless is a prime example of what can happen when you try to push a one-joke concept a bit too far . 
director penelope spheeris is no stranger to this , having subjected audiences before to such tortures as the beverly hillbillies . 
marlon wayans stars as darryl witherspoon , a college senior vying for a lucrative job at a prominent brokerage . 
however , he lacks the advantages of his chief opposition , scott thorpe ( david spade , in the smarmy sort of role he can deliver in his sleep ) : an athletic record , sponsorship by a fraternity , and , most of all , a wealthy family to back him up . 
in fact , darryl has to work at four jobs simply to make ends meet . 
but there may be a light at the end of that tunnel . 
he signs up as a human guinea pig in a neurological experiment run by the university's dr . wheedon ( brad dourif ) . 
as a result , his senses are magnified tenfold . 
using his newfound abilities , he sets himself in complete pursuit of the job ( unaware that there may be some disadvantageous side-effects to having super senses ) . 
naturally , marlon wayans plays this comedy at full throttle , giving jim carrey-ish amounts of physical humor . 
the problem is , aside from a few genuinely inspired bits , there's not much that's funny here . 
the film has it's one central gag , and pads out the rest of its length with rather obvious lowbrow humor . 
there obviously wasn't much thought put into the plot . 
the entire job selection process is completely ridiculous . 
i mean , why the emphasis on extra-curricular activities if the entire job is going to come down to a single-elimination quiz anyhow ? 
and is this the only job being offered to economics majors this semester ? 
to give it credit , senseless does try to create a secondary joke with darryl's roommate , tim laflour ( matthew lillard ) . 
apparently , he is supposed to be faddish , but the film never does anything with him , leaving him in a piercing phase throughout the movie . 
his " intervention " scenes with darryl , however , do provide a rare , and welcome , laugh . 
and then there's the love interest which is always pathetically tacked onto comedies like this one . 
in this case , the object of darryl's amor is janice ( tamara taylor ) , a fellow student who won't have anything to do with darryl until he gains his super-senses . 
needless to say , the romance is completely extraneous , and adds little to the film . 
this is a film that desperately needed something else . 
be that a good plot , more jokes ( or simply funnier ones ) , or a strong character or two , anything would have helped senseless get off the ground . 
as it is , all the manic exuberant mugging in the world can't help marlon wayans get this one off the ground .
i have a confession . 
even though i am a movie junkie-i saw eye of the beholder and yet i still watch movies-i've never seen any of the original godzillas . 
 ( note that godzilla 2000 is not a sequel to the u . s . godzilla released in 1998 ; it's the american release of a 1999 godzilla flick called gojira ni-sen mireniamu . ) 
so , part of me was excited as i drove to the local multiplex to see godzilla 2000-the latest entry in an almost 50-year old franchise . 
this was a long-awaited treat . 
i was expecting a goofy good time , complete with bad dubbing , science fair level sets and a ludicrous plot line . 
the last thing i expected was for the movie to be so ? boring . 
i can only imagine what the theatre full of kids i saw this with felt . 
you do get all of the " so bad they're good " traits so normally associated with the franchise . 
but you have to sit through a snoozer plot that has the organization of a rorschach blot . 
it's a deal i wasn't willing to accept . 
hiroshi kashiwabara and waturu mimura's script crams in way too many details , and in many cases , fails to follow up on them . 
the maneuver is not only disconcerting , but gives the movie a permanent logy , weighty feel . 
godzilla starts off destroying power plants and then just stops . 
was it a whim ? 
a bold political statement ? 
i don't know . 
its foe , an ancient meteor that looks like prudential's logo , doesn't just fight the beast from the far east . 
no , it's got to have life-saving powers , a plot to erase " the data " from japan , a desire to clone and the ability to become a spaceship and then some kind of tentacled space creature . 
there's a battle between the head of the godzilla prediction unit ( takehiro murata ) and a slimy government official ( hiroshi abe ) over the handling of godzilla , and personal issues . 
and then there's the plucky news photographer and blah , blah , blah . 
it's like watching magnolia all over again-except without the good writing , keen sociological insight and aimee mann songs . 
what a waste . 
when the talking and the plot points stop hurtling at you , godzilla 2000 does the job-it's entertaining and goes down easy . 
the action scenes are cheesy in their grandeur though a little sluggish . 
the dubbing is nice and awful , with murata sounding like he's in constant need of a cough drop . 
as for the dialogue , one line summarizes the goofiness factor : " did anyone see that flying rock go by ? " 
this movie also marked the first time since the three stooges that i've heard the word " imbecile " used in casual conversation . 
though the summer movie season is drying up and godzilla 2000 has its moments , i wouldn't take kids to see it . 
they'll probably end up asking more questions than charlie rose .
capsule : five friends at a stag party are involved in the accidental killing of a prostitute . 
the cover-up attempt becomes a monster that eats up the friends , two wives and several innocent bystanders . 
this was a real audience pleaser at toronto , but it did not do much for me . 
 , low 0 ( -4 to +4 ) 
- directed by peter berg who acted in the last seduction and copland . 
- five buddies go on a stag outing to las vegas while cameron diaz works through the logistics of her upcoming wedding to one of them . 
one of the buddies accidentally kills a prostitute . 
- several people with no moral compass . 
they started out with a simple , innocent little cocaine party ( ! ) and by accident look what happened . 
they have one moral person among them ( daniel stern ) , and one totally amoral person ( christian slater ) . 
it is more selfish to let the amoral lead , so they do . 
- this film is strange , but not really funny or biting . 
black comedy should actually be funny as well as strange . 
there should be some element of satire . 
the satire is missing here . 
i did not find myself laughing here either . 
what we have is a strange crime tale . 
- one just does not care what happens to these people . 
- the same idea of people just getting themselves in deeper and deeper has been done frequently . 
if this film is popular it is just bringing a familiar plot to a new generation . 
- it begins like diner ( particularly with daniel stern ) and ends up like an extended horror/crime comic book . 
- there are several logical holes in script . 
if a security man goes to investigate a complaint and disappears , wouldn't the guests he was investigating be the first suspects ? 
someone framed for a crime in the way shown would be judged innocent after minimal forensic detective work . 
 ( i am desperately trying to avoid making this a spoiler . ) 
- popular and situation ethics get a real slamming . 
- some acting of grief is hammy and overdone . 
more yelling than humor .
warner brothers has scored another marketing coup . 
the one-two punch was started in the summer , with the release of batman forever . 
trailers for ace ventura 2 were bundled with the bat , ensuring that every jim carrey fan in the free world would know about the impending sequel . 
carrey went on to win raves as the riddler and the ever-wise warner chose halloween as the release date for the video ( $11 . 99 at wal-mart ) ; a mere two weeks before carrey's return in this marketwise , but misfired comedy . 
ace ventura : when nature calls is a painful reminder of just how grating the rubber-faced comic can be when allowed to perform within an uncontrolled environment . 
he may have been brilliant under the direction of joel schumacher , in batman forever , but , here , left to his own devices , carrey quickly wears out his welcome . 
the opening sequence is by far the best--an amusing spoof of cliffhanger , with ace performing a mountain rescue of a stranded raccoon . 
 ( you can guess what happens to mr . paws . 
hint : it sounds like splat . ) 
the plot quickly shifts to a temple in the himalayas , and then to not-so-darkest africa , where ace is on the case of a missing white bat . 
with his hair and limbs both wildly askew , carrey flies through his routine in about thirty minutes . 
the rest of the film is just more of the same . 
sure , the plot's linear , and the production values solid , but where is the scripted humor to support carrey's sloppy slathering ? 
writer and director steve oderkerk provides precious few set-ups . 
instead , carrey just mugs away , playing for the camera even when most of it isn't funny . 
the better gags have been shown in the ads , though a bit with ace emerging buck-naked from the backside of a mechanical rhino is something to see . 
though an arguable improvement over the original , ace ventura : when nature calls is still a snooze for anyone over the age of ten . 
the script is virtually devoid of wit . 
tribal mask jokes ? 
jerry lewis cameos ? 
forget it . 
if anything , the inexplicable presence of simon callow ( four weddings and a funeral ) and bob gunton ( the shawshank redemption ) suggests that working with carrey is the classical actor's ultimate challenge . 
just how long * can * they keep a straight face ?
synopsis : wealthy cuban landowner luis ( banderas ) gets more than he bargained for when he sends away for an american bride . 
not only does his new wife turn out to be the beautiful julia ( jolie ) , she also harbours a secret past of dubious merit . 
soon , julia has absconded with both luis' fortune and his heart , and as he pursues his wife through the cuban underworld , luis begins to realise that , for him , there is no turning back . 
review : given the absurdism of its would-be plot , it's unlikely that " original sin " could have been turned into a reputable piece of filmmaking , regardless of writer , director or stars . 
this is , at its heart , b-movie junk : a lurid melodrama which appeals to neither the brain nor the heart but to the nether regions . 
that said , " original sin " could at least have become enjoyable junk had the filmmakers embraced its trashiness and indulged in it . 
instead , cristofer seems to have mistaken this for a serious production , and directs it as such . 
the result is a vapid , uninteresting morass of obvious crosses and double crosses , as likely to incite a yawn as a thrill . 
consider the initial sex scene between banderas and jolie : brightly-lit and mostly filmed from above , it looks like an excerpt from an amateur soft porn show . 
cristofer doesn't even manage to capture the allure of cuba ; instead of portraying his setting as a steamy , sensuous island paradise , it appears bland and lifeless . 
at least banderas and jolie manage to inspire some interest ; there are hints at times that they want to have more fun with the script , but aren't being given the chance . 
the same cannot be said of jane , whose billy is nebbish and transparent . 
also unwise is the jolie framing sequence , which practically gives away the film's denouement .
" the red violin " is a cold , sterile feature that leaves you uninvolved and detached . 
it's a movie that seems almost clinical , as it traces the 300-plus-years history of the legendary musical instrument of the title . 
opening in the 17th century , the story shows how violin-maker nicolo bussotti created the instrument as a gift for his unborn son . 
but when tragedy strikes , the violin becomes the personification of its maker's grief . 
from there the violin comes into the hands of an orphaned child prodigy at an austrian monastery . 
again , tragedy strikes as the child is struck down at the moment of his triumph . 
we follow the violin through the centuries as it finds a home in england and in mao's communist china before being discovered by expert charles morritz ( samuel l . jackson ) , who mounts a painstaking investigation to prove its authenticity . 
the violin becomes morritz's obsession , just as it is for all those who converge on a montreal auction house to bid on it . 
morritz , however , is the only one who knows the secret of the instrument and can understand and appreciate its creator's intention . 
 " the red violin " could have been a touching , inspirational story , as soaring as a beethoven symphony . 
however director francois girard fails to make any emotional connection with the viewer . 
here is a story that could have made use of various camera angles and lighting to heighten its impact . 
girard , for some unknown reason , uses mostly master shots , keeping his camera - and thus us - at a distance . 
we get no feel for the miracle that is the violin . 
it's resonance , its purity of sound are not emphasized enough to make an impression . 
nor are any of the performances memorable . 
it's as if girard wanted all his actors to play second fiddle to his violin . 
 " the red violin " promises much , but delivers little . 
it is dull at times , a bit pretentious and a might murky . 
the movie's music soars over its story and performers . 
and that is its only saving grace .
wyatt earp details thirty-five years in the life of same from around 1865 to 1900 . 
after seeing the movie speed twice recently , i kept thinking that i was seeing wyatt's life pass before my eyes in real time . 
this movie was boring , slow , boring , and slow . 
there were a few scenes that tried to be great scenes that tried too hard and just fell flat . 
the script happily woman-bashes but also tries to sound like an 80s movie . 
they cannot have it both ways . 
 " i now pronounce you husband and wife . " 
sure , they said that in the 1800s . 
 " entrepreneur . " 
sure . 
every bit of male-ego-stroking dialogue that wyatt's third wife speaks to him made me sick to listen to it . 
 " oh , the script was written by two men ? " 
 " no kidding ! " 
the movie is torture to sit through . 
the scenery is boring . 
the fades were either awkward or cliche or to self important . 
can you say poor editing ? 
everyone looks ugly in this movie . 
when you shoot people from under their chins , they look like they have double chins . 
kevin costner has never looked worse . 
he should sue . 
he looks like he gained the 43 pounds that dennis quaid lost . 
dennis quaid is marvelous . 
if you have to see this movie just for his performance , go into the theatre at the movie's halfway mark . 
doc holliday ( quaid's character ) shows up at about the 90-minute mark . 
gene hackman is very good . 
is he in the credits ? 
i don't remember seeing his name . 
mare winningham makes the best of a small role as wyatt's second wife . 
annabeth gish is good as wyatt's first wife . 
i though that jamie gertz played wyatt's third wife , but i later heard that her name is joanna going . 
she looks great but her dialogue sucks . 
she also seems way to young for costner . 
costner seems way to old for 90% of this movie . 
in his first scene he is supposed to be about 19 years old . 
yeah , right . 
catherine o'hara and jobeth williams are always good and totally wasted here . 
this is the worst movie that i have seen in years . 
the last action hero was better that this . 
go see maverick if you want to see a western . 
bullets for dennis quaid's performance only .
david schwimmer ( from the television series " friends " ) stars as a sensitive ( and slightly neurotic ) single guy who gets more than he expected from the grieving mother ( barbara hershey ) of a classmate he can't remember . 
hello mrs . robinson ! 
though quite cute as a romantic comedy , the pallbearer is paced like a funeral march . 
the characters act , react , and interact at half-speed , making for one * excruciatingly * long sit . 
 ( and what's with the dreary lighting ? ) 
co-writer/director matt reeves brings some snap to the story's midsection ; the film briefly comes to life when our hero attempts to resolve his feelings for * another * classmate ( a very appealing gwyneth paltrow ) . 
by this time , though , most viewers will have either fled or fallen asleep . 
those tough souls who stay with it can marvel at the sleepy-eyed schwimmer , a hound dog with a head cold , who can go for over an hour without ever changing his expression .