polsci/sentiment-polarity-dataset-v2.0 huggingface dataset:
for a film touted as exploring relationships and black sexuality , trois is surprisingly tame . 
despite it's lurid subject matter and it's passing nod to fatal attraction , it moves along with flat , uninspired dialogue as it sets up a surprising climax that tries mightily to overthrow the considerable dead weight of the rest of the film . 
freshly moved to atlanta , jermaine ( dourdan ) and his wife , jasmine ( moore ) , have the trappings of a perfect life . 
they have a beautiful house in suburbia . 
jermaine is a lawyer on the fast track at his firm . 
jasmine is his supportive wife , who is finishing up her college degree . 
in an opening montage via a home video of the pair , we see the unremarkable story of their marriage and early marital triumphs . 
this is a couple that has it all . 
into this eden slithers the lure of lust . 
despite his outward appearance , jermaine reveals himself as selfish and covetous of his wife more as a possession than a person . 
a glimmer of his true nature peeks out during an early sex scene with his wife as he goes about his business , oblivious to jasmine's concerns . 
we also find that he has been relentlessly asking jasmine to participate in a menage- a-trois , much to jasmine's dismay . 
as jermaine puts it , " don't you want to be sexually free ? " 
jermaine shares his desire with co-worker terrence ( smith ) , who obligingly sets jermaine up with a woman who might be interested in just such an encounter . 
the woman , jade ( palmer ) is a direct counterpoint to jasmine . 
jade , at one point was a college student , too . 
unlike jasmine , she found herself pregnant , dropped out of school and now struggles to make ends meet . 
to further reinforce their differences , it's revealed that jade is involved in a custody battle over her son . 
inevitably , through liquor and a touch of duplicity on jermaine's part , the forbidden act is consummated . 
the aftermath of the encounter sidesteps into fatal attraction territory as acts of violence are perpetrated upon jermaine's property with the hint that the violence may escalate . 
by this point , trois shows itself to be a soap opera without the requisite melodrama : a fatal attraction without the social significance . 
the exploration of relationships is strictly superficial and stereotypical . 
jermaine comes off as insincere , sexually driven and selfish . 
jasmine is bland and subservient . 
jade comes off a bit sympathetically , but that is negated by her moral bankruptcy . 
yet another tale of a sexually aggressive " dog " of a man who imposes his will upon his accommodating , innocent mate . 
the last 10 minutes will undoubtly throw you a curve , but by this point , will you even care ? 
if the rest of the movie was as dynamic as the ending , perhaps there could have been some freshness to it . 
as it stands , trois is pretty standard fare .
" mission to mars " is one of those annoying movies where , in the middle of the movie , you get the sneaking suspicion that the reason the trailer looks so good is because they showcased all the best parts of the movie : all five minutes of it . 
 " mission " * does * give you payoff ; but when it does come , it's too little , too late . 
 " mission " has some good ideas , but they get lost in the unbearably boring delivery , dime-a-dozen dialogue , and spate of good actors wasted in cardboard-cutout roles . 
i'm sure the director and writers were very proud of each hallmark moment they came up with , so they stretch each dramatic moment out like silly putty until it loses all its charm . 
glances don't communicate any deeper emotions just because you draw them out for five hours on end . 
the film spends an hour on this kind of stuff , building to its climax . 
a lot of it is a cliched glorification of family relationships , marriage , friendship , unite we stand divided we fall kind of crap . 
there are some spectacular special effects sequences in this film , and i give it points for trying to stay true to the science i know ( trying is the key word here ) . 
the sequence with the martian demonstrating their history is oddly beautiful and touching , but as mentioned by then we're so sick of the goddamn thing we want the movie to be over . 
great design , good intentions , but no cigar . 
if you're not a die hard sci-fi , fx or jerry o'connell fan ( his character is the only one who has some semblance of character ) , don't waste your eight bucks on this . 
and what the hell , tim robbins died halfway through the movie , in a stupid way too . 
that's just unforgiveable .
america's favorite homicidal plaything takes a wicked wife in " bride of chucky , " and their unholy matrimony is something old , nothing new . 
the burning question on the minds of most moviegoers , however , has nothing to do with nuptial specifics or even how the movie stacks up , but rather whether or not the duo gets down and dirty on their blood-soaked honeymoon . 
the answer is a sick-and-twisted yes - and viewers are treated to a shadowy glimpse of some hot-enough-to-melt-rubber ( or at least singe it ) lovin' . 
guess they're anatomically correct . 
chucky ( again voiced by brad dourif ) , of course , is the star of the " child's play " series , a my buddy-type doll possessed by the spirit of a slain serial killer . 
in " bride , " the plot ( heh ) picks up with his girlfriend tiffany ( jennifer tilly ) resurrecting chucky's remains ( he was blown up at the end of " child's play 3 " ) with the help of a black arts manual called " voodoo for dummies . " 
silly mortal . 
before long , she's also been reduced to shin-high figurine status , and the plastic incarnations of these one-time lunatic lovebirds hit the road to scope out some potential new human bodies . 
the rest of this rocky horror puppet show plays out as tiff and the chuckster stalk a young couple ( nick stabile and katherine heigl ) with conjugal plans of their own , leading them towards a new jersey grave where a magical , soul-transferring amulet allegedly lies in wait . 
along the way , our murderous barbie and ken go through post-marriage motions similar to any given pair of newlyweds - bicker , argue , kiss and make up . 
but when they squabble over who's going to do the dishes , watch out . 
hey , even faux people have got to work through their problems . 
director ronny yu keeps the mayhem flashy and stages an inventive scene or two , but not even visual flair can make up for the fact that these creepy kewpies are neither scary nor menacing . 
when one of them charges , it's nothing a good forward punt couldn't take care of . 
and when a climactic chase scene is needed , one of the dim-bulb protagonists must _pick_chucky_up_ so the demonic toy can force his hostage to run at gunpoint . 
throw in some silly casualties and a ridiculous ending ( will " son of chucky " be next ? ) and this is a bizarrely bad 89-minutes at the movies . 
as is the thing to do in post- " scream " slasher cinema , don mancini's screenplay slathers on the in-jokes and genre-parody . 
but little of the humor succeeds , proving self-reference can be completely worthless when it lacks bite . 
to be fair , though , most of " bride of chucky " is on auto-pilot , so it's not quite right to single out one misfired aspect of the film . 
similarly shaky , the acting ranges from screeching camp to boring bland , the effects aren't that special and the story is one big groaner . 
here's hoping chucky and his entire clan - past , present and future - rest in peace .
this is the first film in what would become the most successful series of horror films of all time . 
a fair warning to those of you who might be inclined to watch this movie for the first appearance of everyone's favorite goalie-mask-wearing homicidal maniac . 
jason , the guy who single handedly controlled the overpopulation problem around the crystal lake area , doesn't start his quest to find the most interesting household item with which to kill someone until the sequel . 
while he does have a small role in this film , we the audience have to depend on another blood thirsty maniac to rack up the body count . 
the plot , like every other friday the 13th movie goes something like this -- crazed killer murders as many unsuspecting teenagers as he/she/it possibly can in the space of a 90 minute movie . 
the reasons that the afore mentioned unsuspecting teenagers come into contact with the bloodthirsty killer are usually of little importance to the story . 
but for those of you out there that might actually care about such trivial matters in a movie such as a plot , here are the basics . 
a bunch of unsuspecting teens get a summer job at a long closed summer camp . 
they are days away from the arrival of the kids and they are spending their time fixing the place up and making sure it is ready for the kids . 
sadly , they start being butchered one by one by the bloodthirsty killer . 
at this point i would usually say something about the quality of acting , directing or maybe something about the high quality of the production . 
since i'm not going to do that , feel free to assume that if i did , it wouldn't be positive . 
i will say that this movie looks as if it was made for about a hundred bucks , and that includes the actors' salaries . 
if you are used to recent horror films like scream , you are in for a bit of a surprise . 
the only saving grace for friday the 13th is that it was really the first of its kind , with the killer taking real pride in their work . 
using as many methods of murder as they could . 
none of this single murder weapon stuff life that unimaginative leatherface in chainsaw massacre , or the creatively stifled imagination of halloween's michael myers who just used brute force or a really big kitchen knife . 
nope , in the friday the 13th movies , you can always count on the killer taking great pride in his work . 
one fun fact about this movie is that the cast includes a very young kevin bacon , although after this movie it is a wonder he ever worked again . 
the main reason to see friday the 13th is if you want to watch all of the series from the beginning . 
if not , stick with the later films with jason , everyone's favorite hockey fan . 
friday the 13th is the sort of movie that is fun to sit down and get a couple of scares from , just don't sit down expecting a whole lot .
there's a good , and timely , story trapped deep within the excess of murder in the first , a new movie about the abuses of our prison system . 
with a country wrapped up in feverish debate over the crime issue and the rights of the accused and the incarcerated in jeopardy , this expose would offer something rare to recent american movies--a point of view . 
but director marc rocco makes it clear from the beginning that pretentious , often nauseating , camera movements and slick , mtv- style lighting and editing are far more important . 
there's not a moment in the picture where he surrenders technique for pure storytelling . 
and everything suffers . 
christian slater and kevin bacon star as defense attorney and alcatraz inmate , respectively . 
after spending an unprecedented amount of time in an isolated cell for attempting to escape , bacon murders another prisoner and faces trial . 
his young lawyer ( slater ) is fresh out of law school but determined to " put alcatraz on trial " for the abuses of it warden ( gary oldman ) . 
the result is the usual courtroom theatrics- imagine a stanley kramer production shot by hyperactive film school students . 
there's very little to praise here outside of kevin bacon's earnest overacting and the appropriate story . 
there's a lot of overacting from everyone--you know you're in trouble right away when r . lee ermey ( the drill sergeant in full metal jacket ) is cast as a judge , the center of reason and moderation . 
slater has never been convincing and certainly isn't here and oldman is on a bad streak of hammy performances . 
but the worst feeling you get while watching murder in the first is that the man behind the camera could care less about telling a good story . 
there are long exchanges of dialogue where the camera is not even moving near the characters , let alone with them . 
how frustrating it must be for actors to work under these conditions . 
if there's anything that has alway distinguished american films over the rest of the world , it is our ability to tell a good story . 
have we forgotten ?
this is the worst movie i've viewed so far in 98 . 
the avengers = silly = man dressed in a bowler hat + woman wearing tight leathers > evil scientists dressed in teddy bear suits + greater evil , sir august de wynter wearing kilt . 
the question is what could have gone wrong with a potentially great idea with big name cast ? 
the same question was probably asked of last year's stinker batman and robin . 
i feel the production got a little too smug , the script a little to smart and direction was somehow lost in the chaos of random events that collided together to form a movie . 
my greatest criticism rests on the fact that there was no chemistry between emma peel and john steed ( thurman and fiennes ) ? something that was a vital element of the 60's tv serial of the same name . 
the dialogue goes on and on about tea and other finer british perks , but does not allow much room for character development and interaction , except to perhaps grate on the viewer's nerves . 
one wonders why the dynamic pair bother kissing in the end except for pure english formality . 
connery as sir august , does not fair better than thurman or fiennes . 
his dialogue is as erratic as stormy weather , mostly embarrassing and poor quality . 
if there is a movie you would prefer never to see , i believe the avengers would be a good choice . 
for one thing , you will not have to witness a product that is far inferior to the three high profile names that is associated with the title . 
i cannot understand how something so poorly produced could have been released , but i put it down to one of those freak happenings in nature , like lightning you can't see it coming until it hits you .
synopsis : big-breasted and dim-witted sculptress britt gets really mad at her grad student boyfriend because he spends too much time on his thought-transference experiments instead of her art showings . 
elderly , evil scientist everett longstreet switches minds with britt's boy , in the meantime , and goes completely mental . 
comments : naked souls opens with a naked woman , and the movie makes no illusion that it's a sci-fi vehicle designed to show pamela anderson's , um , talents . 
if you are really interested in seeing anderson's talents , however , i suggest you skip over this dud and watch the infamous pam and tommy lee honeymoon sex tape , now available on home video . 
at least with that " movie , " you don't have to go through the painful experience of watching pamela try to pronounce multiple syllable words like " eclectic . " 
a premise does exist in the movie . 
basically , while anderson wears skimpy clothes which barely contain her talents , she practices her art -- brilliantly slapping plaster of paris on naked women . 
her boyfriend , meanwhile , spends 20 hours a day in a morgue trying to view the memories of dead prison inmates because this will " make a difference to humanity . " 
whatever . 
the movie fails to explain how these two hooked up . 
be grateful . 
after we meet the evil everett longstreet , lots of technobabble and mystical mumbo-jumbo get tossed about , pammy has sex replete with cheesy make-out music , and minds get transferred . 
never fear , though , pammy uses her sharp mental abilities ( ahem ) to save her boyfriend in the end . 
unfortunately , no one saves the movie . 
avoid this would-be sci-fi thriller , unless you're in for a good laugh or two .
mr . bean , a bumbling security guard from england is sent to la to help with the grandiose homecoming of a masterpiece american painting . 
the first two words should have said enough to let you know what occurs during bean's trip to la , but if they didn't look out because you are in for a rather interesting if not odd ride . 
heck depending on your humor you might end up laughing through the whole flick . 
either way look out america bean is coming . 
well , what can really be said about this movie , there is very little discernible plot . 
that much is not hard to grapple with for it is a slapstick comedy . 
it achieves that goal rather admirably , but because it is that , the plot is just screaming for help . 
the whole premise that the movie is based on is to say the least flawed . 
the movie had its funny moments but there was no real story line other than something that could be thought up on a whim and carried through and in many causes ad-libbed as you went . 
don't go into this movie expecting and theatrical masterpiece . 
but if this form of humor floats your boat then you will truly enjoy this movie , even if you don't like slapstick style humor you will end up laughing because something's are just so stupid . 
the movie goes out and accomplishes what it aims , or so it seems . 
now when you look at the acting in this movie you have to think about two things , first was there any real acting and how hard is it to act in the slapstick manner . 
well , there was no real acting in this movie but some of the slapstick wasn't the easiest i am sure . 
i have to concede that mr . atkinson's acting in this movie is well done . 
although the role isn't too demanding the slapstick is . 
i think that the character could have had a bit more dialogue , it would have added quite a bit to the overall effect of the movie . 
now the rest of the actors in the movie , bad acting and poor casting . 
i think that the role opposite bean could have been better , just seemed wrong for the movie . 
a different actor might have done a better job of it but i wont presume that wasn't what was trying to be achieved . 
one thing that i must say , simply to get if off my chest is that i think transferring a sitcom to tv usually produces rather disastrous results . 
tv shows should do just that stay on tv , it will probably save some producers from getting ulcers . 
i can only think of a couple examples of tv going to the big screen effectively , the best known of those would have to be star trek . 
bean seriously fails to accomplish anything close to what that series gone movie achieved . 
now another thing that i have to state again is this movie has narrowed its target audience fairly tightly . 
the form of humor in this movie will not be liked by most people , these people will think like i did that this movie is stupid and pointless . 
but if you like the tv show you might actually like this movie . 
but to be on the safe side i am opting to recommend you save your money and not go to see this movie . 
there are many movies that are truly worth seeing unlike this one .
according to hitchcock and various other filmmakers , isolated motels , diners , gas stations and similar establishments in american southwest can be rather dangerous place for weary travellers . 
at the beginning of eye of the storm , 1991 german- american thriller directed by yuri zeltser , one of such places becomes deadly for their owners who get murdered during the stick up . 
ten years later their son steven ( played by bradley gregg ) , who was blinded during the incident , still runs motel together with his older brother ray ( played by craig sheffer ) . 
hardly anything happens there until alcoholic and abusive william gladstone ( played by dennis hopper ) gets stranded there with his attractive wife sandra ( played by lara flynn boyle ) . 
their unexpected presence creates the chain of the events that would end in bloodshed . 
yuri zeltser , author of this film , was obviously inspired by hitchcock's psycho , but he chose to add some new and potentially interesting elements to the original plot . 
instead of norman bates we have two brothers - one of them traumatised physically , another mentally . 
sexual tension between beautiful female patron and shy motel clerk is heightened with the presence of alcoholic husband . 
eye of the storm is impressive in visual sense , with photography by karl walter lindenlaub providing a lot of claustrophobic atmosphere . 
the acting is fine - hopper , gregg and boyle are comfortable with their roles , but sheffer at times overacts his psycho routine . 
unfortunately , eye of the storm , which was supposed to be intense psychological drama , deteriorates into cheap and predictable slasher flick during melodramatic finale . 
in the end , this film reminds us that original approach can't prevent filmmakers from wasting too many opportunities . 
 ( special note to the profiler fans : ally walker appears in the beginning of the film in the small role of killer's girlfriend . )
if you've been following william fichtner's career ( and there's absolutely no reason why you should have ) , you might have noticed that he's played some rather similar roles over the years . 
like sully in " the perfect storm " --tough , gruff , and a little bit scary . 
or law in " albino alligator " --tough , gruff , and little bit scarier . 
or colonel william sharp in " armageddon , " or dwayne engelman in " strange days , " or even his brief appearance towards the beginning of " pearl harbor , " as the abusive father of danny--here is an actor who gravitates towards tough , gruff , hard-hitting roles . 
which is why his performance in " what's the worst that could happen ? " 
is such a shock , such a delight . 
in the film , fichtner plays a blonde haired , meticulously dressed , overtly effeminate , dog-loving detective . 
as alex tardio , fichtner's performance borders on caricature but goes beyond it . 
it borders on offensive but doesn't really manage it . 
and it borders on clich ? d stereotype but doesn't quite succumb to that definition either . 
in a role so diametrically opposed to what the actor has played before we should have seen it coming , fichtner isn't perfect--you can see him struggling a little at times , concentrating a little too hard on the look as he swishes his hand through the air , or nuzzles a coiffed canine up close and personal--but he's pretty damned good , and silly , and without question the best thing in the film . 
in fact , had it not been for fitchner's sudden and bizarre appearance , and his jarring screen presence thereafter , i would have walked out , for " what's the worst that could happen ? " 
is mesmerizing in its awfulness , a poorly written , haphazardly edited , and totally unfunny ( yes , it stars martin lawrence and danny devito so how could that be possible ? ) 
moviegoing experience . 
fichtner's performance doesn't exactly save the film , and it's not like i'm recommending " what's the worst that could happen ? " 
solely on the strength of the actor's dramatic turnaround , but his contributions do raise the film's rating from no stars to one-and-a-half . 
thumbs up to fichtner then , and thumbs down--way , way , down--to everyone else involved in this sorry mess , a movie so dull and pedestrian and nonsensical it doesn't even warrant discussion .
for his directoral debut , gary oldman chose a highly personal family drama about a violent , alcoholic husband and father , and the various lives he affects . 
but while the characters , places and events may have special meaning to the writer-director , the audience is left in the dark . 
the center of this tale is the abusive raymond ( ray winstone ) , and the film focuses on him and the people who orbit around him . 
he spends his days hanging out with his friends at pubs and girlie bars . 
then , he returns home to his pregnant wife , valerie ( kathy burke ) and their five-year-old daughter . 
raymond demonstrates his violent tendencies ( and his paranoid delusions ) early on when he accuses valerie's brother , billy ( charlie creed-miles ) , of stealing . 
raymond then proceed to beat ( and bite ) him to a bloody wreck . 
but these are the least of billy's problems . 
billy is a heroin addict on the downturn , and it doesn't seem that he'll last much longer . 
billy and valerie's mother , janet ( laila morse ) , is raymond's nemesis . 
she disapproves of him ( and he of her ) , but is powerless to do anything about it . 
she merely struggles on , hoping her children will survive their respective torments . 
if this description seems bleak , i haven't told the half of it . 
this is not a cheery movie , and most of the time it's downright depressing . 
while at times it is interesting to watch to see just what makes raymond tick , and why no one ever simply calls the cops on him , in the end , it's not quite worth it . 
there are too many scenes which randomly dot the picture with little or no purpose . 
take for example the extended sequence where one of billy's scuzzy friends defends a stray puppy . 
the film is filled with these " character moments " that never really achieve anything . 
granted , there are a few genuinely powerful ( and sickening ) moments in the film , but their expression seems to be more of a catharsis for the creator than us . 
the actors do a fine job , particularly in the central roles . 
the good thing about an actor turned writer is that oldman knows how to write good scenes , and the actors in nil by mouth have some meat they can tear into . 
the bad thing about an actor turned director is that there's no one to restrain oldman from making poor choices . 
a good character drama should mean something to those involved in making the film and the audience . 
oldman got it about half right .
in 1989 , tim burton took the legendary comic book figure of batman and turned him into a huge box office hit with an atmospheric little film that created an utterly distinct feeling somewhere between film noir and the godfather . 
was it " deep " ? 
nope . 
however it was a perfect entertainment and the audience ate it up . 
it was natural that roger ebert trashed it writing that it was " without the comic book uplift " of the indiana jones and superman pictures . 
which was true . 
if what you were looking for was the tale of a heroic man's escadapes and adventures you were looking in the wrong place . 
if those films were tom sawyer , then batman was huckleberry finn . 
some critics ( glenn lovell of the san jose mercury news and peter travers of rolling stone ) realized that it was something special ; mr . lovell gave it * * * 1/2 and wrote that " this is batman as batman should be . " ; 
mr . travers called it one of the ten best films of the year . 
the praise was deserved - from start to finish the film was enthralling , exciting , and superb in every respect . 
there was no doubt that there would be a sequel directed by burton . 
the result was batman returns which forgets that it wants to be fun within the first five minutes . 
the villains ( the hideous penguin and seductive catwoman ) take over , and our epectations are always left unfulfilled - when we wanted the penguin to bite off batman's nose he simply gets mad , and when we want catwoman to slither over batman's body she gets pushed off a building . 
i admire mr . burton for trying to do more then entertain , but the result is a mess . 
nothing works out as planned - it fails both to entertain and to enlighten . 
hints are made to the audience that this film could be a blast . 
alas , these are only hints . 
there are , don't misunderstand me , several moments of cinematic genuis contained ; catwoman and batman understand eachother perfectly without a word on the subject being said ; christopher lloyd is trapped , by the penguin , within a giant cage ; a small basket is dropped into a large river ; but nothing is drawn together and burton is unable to make the film work on any regular basis . 
a weak followup , both career and sequel wise , batman returns is sometimes dazzling , but to often dissapointing .
stephen , please post if appropriate . 
 " mafia ! " - crime isn't a funny business by homer yen ( c ) 1998 
on a particular night when i found myself having some free time , i had a chance to either go to sleep early or to see " mafia ! " , a spoof of mafia and crime films such as " the godfather , " " goodfellas " and " casino " . 
at 84 minutes in length , i thought that i could enjoy a few laughs before getting a good nights sleep . 
but by my account , i think that my laff-o-meter only registered a few grins , one giggle , and maybe one chortle . 
i suppose that you could justify your time as homage to the venerable hollywood star , lloyd bridges , who just recently passed away and whose last performance was in this film . 
 " mafia ! " 
chronicles vincenzo cortino's ( lloyd bridges ) life . 
separated from his family when he was young , he escapes to america and tries to live an honest life . 
but as fate would have it , vincenzo grows up to be a powerful and klutzy crime lord . 
following in his footsteps are his two sons , joey ( billy burke ) and anthony ( jay mohr ) . 
like all siblings in powerful crime families , they squabble over power , the future of the family , fortune , and women . 
 " mafia ! " is co-written by jim abrahams , who also contributed to some gut-busting funny spoofs such as " airplane " and " the naked gun . " 
but these previous movies were funny because the jokes seemed more universally understood and there was more of a manic silliness at work . 
as i write this , i also wonder how many people have actually seen the movies on which this spoof is based . 
crime movies in general contain a lot of profanity and violence . 
it's a tough genre to parody . 
i was kind of hoping that they could somehow spoof the profanity used in all of those crime movies , maybe by having all of the tough crime lords say " please " as they decide which sector to take over , but this opportunity was never explored . 
there were one or two moments that made me smile such as the scene where vincenzo is dancing with his newly wed daughter-in-law . 
a gunman shoots him several times . 
the impact of the bullets cause him to make these wild contortions that force the wedding band to change music styles to keep up with him , from the samba to disco to the macarena . 
i think that i just gave away the best part of the film . 
oh well , that just means that you can go to sleep a little earlier .
die hard 2 is an altogether unfortunate fiasco , inferior to the original in every respect . 
place the blame squarely on the shoulders of steven de souza and doug richardson , who wrote the film's pathetic screenplay . 
every line of dialogue reeks of either smarmy sap or forced humor . 
the plot is altogether implausible ; the convoluted story line involves a band of terrorists who take over dulles airport and shut down the control tower , leaving a dozen planes stranded in the air waiting to land . 
the film has zero credibility , and all of the characters come off as cliched , cardboard cut-outs . 
so much for the script . 
how about the action ? 
well , let's put it this way : director renny harlin could learn a few things from john mctiernan , who directed the original , as well as the hunt for red october and predator--all standouts for their hair-raising suspense . 
by contrast , harlin doesn't have a clue when it comes to choreographing action , and consequently , die hard 2 never picks up steam . 
die harder is impossible to take seriously even for a minute . 
in fact , the movie often seems deliberately campy , and it almost reaches the threshold of being so bad it's good . 
you do laugh , but you laugh at the film , not with it . 
die hard 2 should have never been cleared for takeoff .
plot : set in the future , a courier has uploaded some data into a " hard drive " that resides in his head , and must now escape the bad guys who are after that very important information . 
since he overloaded his " hard drive " , he's also racing against the clock before the information seeps into his brain and kills him . 
critique : incoherent , boring , one-act drivel with no suspense , horribly unbelievable futuristic environment , bad dialogue , career-defining bad acting by keanu reeves and a hilarious ending . 
it's too bad because the premise of the film was interesting , but unfortunately for my friends and i , this movie turned out to be just as bad as everyone had warned us . 
it's one of those films that makes you start laughing half-way through , when you realize that most of the actors in it suck , the location shots are filmed in dark " junkyard " type areas which they would like to have us believe to be futuristic ( whatever . . . ) , and all the sets look like . . . . well , 
sets . 
there is also absolutely no arc to this story . 
it basically starts off with keanu uploading info into his brain , and then a bunch of folks chasing him from place to place until a laughable ending puts a stop to the former uneventful proceedings . 
gibson should stick to writing novels and " x-files " episodes , since his segue into the paranormal tv series was much more entertaining than any of this garbage . 
some other hilarities of this film include dolph lundgren as some futuristic jesus character whose supposed to kick ass , henry rollins as a pumped-up cyber-doctor or something , and ice-t as some kind of a hobo dude with paint all over his face ( don't ask ) . 
the ending is the funniest with some robot dolphin and a stupid ghost-lady from inside the computer doing some stuff that no one really cares about by that point . 
i'm ashamed to say this film was shot in my hometown of montreal , canada , but sadly enough for us all , it was . 
some of the cyber-travelling special effects were okay ( hence , the 2/10 ) , but overall , it's one of those bad movies that's just funny to watch and cringe at . 
thankfully for keanu , he redeemed his sci-fi career with 1999's the matrix ( 7 . 5/10 ) . 
it's too bad that he has yet to redeem his lack of acting talent . 
little known facts about this film and its stars : as of 1999 , director robert longo never directed another full-feature film . 
hmmm . . . now 
isn't that odd ? 
 : ) writer william gibson immigrated from the us to canada in 1968 , after being rejected for the draft . 
he lived in toronto at first , but since 1972 , has made vancouver his home . 
his 1984 novel " neuromancer " and its sequels 1986's " count zero " and 1988's " mona lisa overdrive " are generally considered to be the definitive works of the " cyberpunk " science-fiction sub-genre . 
this film garnered keanu reeves a nomination in the " worst actor " category in the 1996 razzie awards .
" the 13th warrior " comes at the end of as summer where we've already experienced man eating sharks ( " deep blue sea " ) , man eating crocodiles ( " lake placid " ) and even a man hunting witch ( " the blair witch project " ) . 
now , " the 13th warrior " presents a tribe of flesh eating men who believe that they are bears . 
the story , if that's what you want to call it , follows ahmed ibn fahdlan ( antonio banderas ) an arabian poet who falls in love with his king's wife and is banished from his home land . 
he then travels to the land of the vikings and becomes an ambassador to them . 
eventually the vikings are called upon to protect the people of the village who are being hunted by the flesh eating men . 
thirteen warriors are chosen to go on the mission , and as you guessed it , ahmed is chosen as the thirteenth . 
he's not a warrior , and at first not well accepted by the vikings , but as the movie advances he'll have to prove himself both on and off the battlefield . 
that's basically the entire plot . 
there is also a romantic subplot that has been so badly mishandled and , one assumes , drastically cut that you begin to wonder why the filmmakers didn't just edit out all of the scenes attaining to that part of the story . 
instead they chose to leave just enough of those scenes in to annoy the viewer . 
the film is basically non- stop action and when it pauses and tries to develop a story it becomes a laughing stock . 
the battle scenes , although well choreographed , are not involving and not the least bit exciting . 
we don't get to know any of the characters and so we don't care who lives and who dies . 
the film , which wants to be beowolf , comes across more as a failed action-adventure story aspiring to epic proportions but not achieving it on any levels . 
it was directed by john mctiernan who's , " the thomas crown affair " is also playing in theaters currently . 
and it's not that mctiernan worked simultaneously on both films but that , " the 13th warrior " was placed on the shelf for so long with the studio just waiting for a time to dump it on audiences . 
it belongs back on the shelf .
we're back in blade runner territory with this one , conceptual artist robert longo's vision of a william gibson-inspired future where information is the commodity to kill for . 
front and center is johnny ( keanu reeves ) , a " cyber-courier " who smuggles data via a " wet-wired " implant . 
he's ready to quit the biz and get a portion of his long-term memory restored , but , first , he has to finish one last , dangerous job . . 
the pressing problem in johnny mnemonic is that keanu reeves seems to have forgotten how to play an action hero since his stint on speed . 
he's walking wood in a forest of stiffs that includes henry rollins , ice-t , and dina meyer . 
 ( dolph lundgren's street preacher is in an acting category all its own . 
 : - ) without a believable performance between them , all we can do is sit back and watch the atmosphere , which is pretty good in places . 
the vr sequences are way cool , but the physical fx--such as miniatures and mattes--leave a lot to be desired . 
watch out for those bad blue-screens ! 
we wouldn't mind a minute of johnny mnemonic if the action played better . 
too bad the debut director isn't very strong in this de- partment . 
his big finale is a sloppy , silly mess that runs twenty minutes too long , which is way past the time that most of our " wet- wired " processors have already shut down . 
bottom line : yatf ( yet another tortured future ) . 
skip it .
it's difficult to expect much from a director whose greatest accomplishments to date are a handful of " award-winning " tv commercials , as is the case with bubble boy director blair hayes . 
that said , hayes's feature film debut lives up to expectations , coming off mainly as equal parts offensive and moronic . 
but occasionally , bubble boy transcends its substandard roots with glimmers of humor and scathing social commentary . 
those moments of intelligence are delivered mostly by the film's two stars , jake gyllenhall as the immuno-deficient jimmy and swoosie kurtz as his over-protective , hyper religious , reagan-loving mother . 
gyllenhall's sweet-natured delivery of jimmy's hilariously na ? ve narration serves as the backbone for an otherwise flimsy coming-of-age story : jimmy is a bubble boy , a kid born without immunity who could die if he comes in contact with a single germ -- a plight explored more seriously in the john travolta tv movie boy in the plastic bubble and less so on seinfeld . 
his mom home-schools jimmy , filling his head with wildly twisted conservative propaganda and anti-sexual messages , until he's befriended by chloe ( marley shelton ) , the beautiful girl next door . 
jimmy falls in love with chloe , but is afraid that his love will literally kill him , as evidenced in a scene when she drunkenly tries to enter his bubble for a kiss . 
but when chloe decides to marry her high school boyfriend , jimmy builds a bubble suit and embarks on a hijinks-addled cross-country voyage to stop the wedding by professing his love . 
the offensive bits have little to do with jimmy's rare handicap ( regardless of what the film's protesters would have you believe ) , but instead center on outrageous racial stereotypes , including a screaming chinese strip club owner and a devout east indian hindi . 
but even if you find stereotype humor funny , it's hard to muster more than a giggle for these shallow gags . 
they even manage to bungle some potentially great moments with a group of carnival freaks . 
but a few of the harsh jabs manage to work , especially in the case of kurtz , who very bluntly shows the dark , hypocritical side of the religious right , and a wacky send-up of a cult called " bright 'n shiny , " led by the inimitable fabio . 
unfortunately , a few giggles can't make bubble boy the riotous , off-the-wall comedy it so desperately wants to be . 
honestly , it's a mystery how on earth this movie was ever made , and i'm not just saying that because it's so mediocre . 
how odd for disney to take a gamble on a film with an unknown director starring virtually unknown actors that doesn't seem to appeal to any particular demographic and has the potential to offend so many . 
and now that the studio is suffering through a very public protest against the film by the parents of real-life bubble boy david philip vetter , maybe disney's wondering the same thing . 
hope the opening box office take makes it worthwhile .
starring shawnee smith ; donovan leitch ; ricky paull goldin ; kevin dillon & billy beck the blob is the remake of the 1960's classic ( a term that i use very loosely to define the original ) about a really mean glob of goop that takes out anything that gets in its way . 
now the original version has the virtue of cheesy special effects which give it a kind of nostalgic campy feel . 
the fact that steve mcqueen was the star of the film doesn't exactly hurt it either . 
fast forward to the late '80's . 
steve mcqueen isn't in the remake ( this might have something to do with the fact that he had been pushing up daisies for years ) . 
nor is there any hollywood heavy hitters in the lead role . 
that is unless you count matt dillon's brother kevin as a hollywood heavy hitter . 
the other thing that works against this new blob is that special effects technology has improved dramatically since the original . 
the only things you need now to have great special effects in a movie are deep pockets . 
it looks as if the produces of the new blob had a couple of holes in their pockets . 
the special effects in this movie are cheesy , like the original's . 
unlike the original , they don't look campy , they just look cheap . 
one bright spot in the movie from a purely sexist point of view is shawnee smith . 
she is very attractive and can actually act , which is more than i can say about some of her costars . 
in terms of plot , a little ball of pink goop falls from the sky . 
seems this goop was an experiment that was being housed up on a satellite . 
anyway , the pink stuff has a taste for humans . 
the more people it absorbs , the bigger it gets . 
and it isn't the friendliest goop on the block either . 
anyway , it attacks this little town and it's up to the attractive local teenage population to stop it . 
not really , but that is how it seems . 
this version attempts to recapture the camp of the original . 
as i've already said , this new version of the blob comes off more as cheap , badly acted , and badly written than campy . 
in the years since this film was made none of the cast have gone on to greatness . 
although , star shawnee smith had a very tiny role in armageddon . 
the reason that we have never heard of any of them again is quite simple -- they all stunk out loud . 
although some of the film's smaller roles are filled with some actors that , while not big stars , are doubtless people that you will recognize from their supporting roles in other movies and tv shows . 
it also appears that the producers of the blob tried to compensate for the lack of a special effects budget by making the scenes in which the blob makes meals of the townsfolk as gory as possible . 
sadly , it doesn't work very well . 
if you want to see a big ball of goop terrorize a town , then i would say that you should skip the remake and rent the original . 
 ( although that isn't so hot either . ) 
this newest version is seriously lacking in any redeeming qualities .
toward the bottom of the '80s action movie barrel lies action jackson , the only movie in hollywood history to show sharon stone and vanity topless within a span of ten minutes . 
this carl " apollo creed " weathers vehicle features the traditional cop vs . evil establishment crook , and relies on all the '80s trappings , from the token heroin addict who needs a fix to the shouting superior officer . 
somewhere in between come the explosions and boobs , although there is a curious lack of exploding boobs . 
weathers is action jackson , a detroit cop known for all sorts of crazy vigilante techniques . 
speaking of one past criminal apprehension , jackson's superior yells , " you tore his arm off ! " 
jackson replies , " he had a spare . " 
jackson has been busted down to a desk job because of past problems with auto manufacturer dellaplane ( craig t . nelson ) and now has to act as department liaison to a dinner honoring nelson . 
after hearing what jackson thinks of him , stone says , " i take it you're not one of dellaplane's friends . " 
 " not unless they changed the definition , " jackson glowers . 
and of course it turns out stone is mrs . dellaplane . 
faux pas , jackson . . . 
not everything is happy in motown ; people are being killed and dellaplane has evil plans for the awa . 
it's all up to jackson to stop it , and his only lead lies in vanity ( not his own ) . 
wherever she left off with prince in terms of exchanging sexual favors for career advancement she picks up in action jackson . 
she plays the heroin addict and chanteuse in dellaplane's nightclub . 
after singing one particularly sultry number for him , she saunters over and complains , " i expected a standing ovation . " 
he responds , " you're getting one , " and it's damn clever because he's sitting down at the time . 
prince wouldn't even let out an innuendo that lame and he's the king of the horndogs . . . 
or at least the prince . 
it's a testament to the '80s that sharon stone is killed off within the first 30 minutes but vanity survives the whole movie . 
action jackson is another variation on the " unlikely partners " buddy action flick , with jackson lugging junkie vanity around . 
this leads to some of the worst paired acting of the me decade , and with the dialogue they're given , there's not much room for improvement . 
my favorite is when vanity , feeling the effects of drug withdrawal , says , " i feel like my teeth are hollow , my gums are made of dry rubber and someone's trying to start a bonfire in the back of my bloody head . " 
jackson's response is , " i think i felt that way once . 
they called it love . " 
you'll understand when i say watch this at your own risk . 
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