polsci/sentiment-polarity-dataset-v2.0 huggingface dataset:
arnold schwarzenegger has been an icon for action enthusiasts , since the late 80's , but lately his films have been very sloppy and the one-liners are getting worse . 
it's hard seeing arnold as mr . freeze in batman and robin , especially when he says tons of ice jokes , but hey he got 15 million , what's it matter to him ? 
once again arnold has signed to do another expensive blockbuster , that can't compare with the likes of the terminator series , true lies and even eraser . 
in this so called dark thriller , the devil ( gabriel byrne ) has come upon earth , to impregnate a woman ( robin tunney ) which happens every 1000 years , and basically destroy the world , but apparently god has chosen one man , and that one man is jericho cane ( arnold himself ) . 
with the help of a trusty sidekick ( kevin pollack ) , they will stop at nothing to let the devil take over the world ! 
parts of this are actually so absurd , that they would fit right in with dogma . 
yes , the film is that weak , but it's better than the other blockbuster right now ( sleepy hollow ) , but it makes the world is not enough look like a 4 star film . 
anyway , this definitely doesn't seem like an arnold movie . 
it just wasn't the type of film you can see him doing . 
sure he gave us a few chuckles with his well known one-liners , but he seemed confused as to where his character and the film was going . 
it's understandable , especially when the ending had to be changed according to some sources . 
aside form that , he still walked through it , much like he has in the past few films . 
i'm sorry to say this arnold but maybe these are the end of your action days . 
speaking of action , where was it in this film ? 
there was hardly any explosions or fights . 
the devil made a few places explode , but arnold wasn't kicking some devil butt . 
the ending was changed to make it more spiritual , which undoubtedly ruined the film . 
i was at least hoping for a cool ending if nothing else occurred , but once again i was let down . 
i also don't know why the film took so long and cost so much . 
there was really no super affects at all , unless you consider an invisible devil , who was in it for 5 minutes tops , worth the overpriced budget . 
the budget should have gone into a better script , where at least audiences could be somewhat entertained instead of facing boredom . 
it's pitiful to see how scripts like these get bought and made into a movie . 
do they even read these things anymore ? 
it sure doesn't seem like it . 
thankfully gabriel's performance gave some light to this poor film . 
when he walks down the street searching for robin tunney , you can't help but feel that he looked like a devil . 
the guy is creepy looking anyway ! 
when it's all over , you're just glad it's the end of the movie . 
don't bother to see this , if you're expecting a solid action flick , because it's neither solid nor does it have action . 
it's just another movie that we are suckered in to seeing , due to a strategic marketing campaign . 
save your money and see the world is not enough for an entertaining experience .
when i arrived in paris in june , 1992 , i was surprised to find france plastered with posters twin peaks : fire walk with me , since the movie wasn't scheduled to open in the u . s . until late august . 
happily , the film--the prequel to david lynch's cult television series--was playing in a fancy , thx theater . 
unfortunately , the theater was far more impressive than the movie , which absolutely stinks , much like a french lavatory . 
worse , actually . 
fire walk with me ( directed by lynch ) will be completely incomprehensible to anyone who has not seen the tv series or read " laura palmer's secret diary . " 
for " twin peaks " junkies , like me , the movie is only marginally improved . 
the plot is jumbled and illogical , not to mention excruciatingly sluggish . 
the first 30 minutes , which have almost nothing to do with the main story line , feature chris isaak and kiefer sutherland as fbi agents investigating a murder in portland , oregon . 
the movie then stops in philadelphia for a nonsensical cameo by david bowie and a brief appearance by kyle maclachlan as dale cooper . 
lynch then drops this plot strand altogether and abruptly shifts the setting to twin peaks , washington--one year later . 
ah , twin peaks : " familiar territory , " you think to yourself as angelo badalamenti's distinctive musical score chimes in . 
wrong ! 
the movie proves that you really can't go home again , or at least lynch can't . 
only about a quarter of the characters from the tv series appear in the movie : leland palmer , bobby briggs , james , shelly , leo , the log lady and a few others--mostly in meaningless cameos . 
the rest of the " twin peaks " cast is nowhere to be seen , and consequently , lynch fails to recreate the spirit and flavor of tv's most enigmatic town . 
cast members michael ontkean , sherilyn fenn , piper laurie , and richard beymer are sorely missed , not to mention lara flynn boyle , who has been replaced by lackluster moira kelly in the crucial role of donna . 
the movie concentrates solely on laura palmer ( sheryl lee ) as she suffers through drug abuse , prostitution , and incest , during her miserable last seven days on earth . 
the night of laura's death , which is truly terrifying , is the film's only remotely effective sequence . 
we finally get to see exactly what happened to laura after she jumped off james' motorcycle and ran into the woods at that lonely traffic light in the middle of nowhere . 
her murder unfolds just as agent cooper reconstructed it in the tv series , which is gratifying for faithful " twin peaks " viewers . 
but it's an awfully small reward for sitting through a painfully awful movie .
capsule : this super-light situation comedy from sweden tells the story of two close friends with romantic problems . 
the script involves formerly taboo subjects like erotic toys and sexual enhancers but otherwise the writing is not a lot different from what is shown free on television . 
the characters are paper-thin and the interesting ideas purely non-existent . 
this is a decrement-life-by-90-minutes card . 
 , 0 ( -4 to +4 ) 
jalla ! jalla ! 
is basically an exuberant tv situation comedy written instead for the wide screen . 
it tells the story of two park custodians and the problems they are finding on the path to true love . 
the film is set in sweden where roro and mans ( fares fares and torkel petersson ) are custodians at a public park . roro is from a tightly knit lebanese family who control him very closely , mans is a swede from a much more liberal background . 
they spend most of the day in the bushes at their park , cleaning up after dogs . 
roro and mans each have girlfriends , but each has a problem . 
roro ( nicknamed " jalla " ) is having family problems . 
it seems that his family wants to arrange a marriage between him and a nice lebanese woman , yasmin ( laleh pourkarim ) , but he is already in love with lisa ( tuva novotny ) . 
yasmin likes roro , but does not want to get married either . 
mans on the other hand has been having a problem of sexual impotence . 
the two friends worry about their problems and discuss the problems with each other . 
mans thinks the answer to his problem is to purchase sexual enhancers . 
the one catch is that he is too shy to go in and buy them . 
roro and yasmin decide to give themselves some time by telling the families that they want to marry each other , but then plan to break up before the wedding . 
not too surprisingly neither finds that his idea works out the way he quite expected . 
the plot turns in several places are contrived . 
one knows fairly quickly that if things are going to work our happily for everybody certain plot contrivances have to happen . 
lebanese-born josef fares who wrote and directed is perhaps a better director than he is a writer . 
when things start to get slow , he just adds throws in another story . 
for example halfway into the film mans innocently antagonizes some local toughs and a long chase is added to the film . 
characterization is a little better with roro than it is with mans who does not seem to have a whole lot more personality beyond fear for losing a biological function . 
we do see some of roro's family life and his concerns . 
that may be because roro's background is a lot like that of the director . 
while the story was entertaining , i did not feel that i got anything worthwhile from the film . 
it was just a way to pass about an hour and a half in my life . 
one does not have to go to the movies to see entertainment like this . 
i rate it a 4 on the 0 to 10 scale and a 0 on the -4 to +4 scale .
remember tom cruise and brian brown as rival bartenders juggling bottles of booze in " cocktail " ? 
remember how stupid that looked ? 
and remember the scantily-clad dancers of " flashdance " getting doused with buckets of water ? 
well , " coyote ugly " does those films five better ( or six better if you count john goodman ) , since here we have piper perado , maria bello , tyra banks , melanie lynskey , and izabella miko doing the absolut spinning and jiggling thing while pouring pitchers of perrier all over their semi-naked torsos . 
no , goodman doesn't flip jim beams or wear anything particularly risqu ? in the film but he * does * get up on the bar and start gyrating with the rest of them . 
and the central character's love interest , played by an australian actor named adam garcia , proves * he * can get up on that bar and start shimmying along with the rest of them too . 
what seems to have started life as a victoria's secret photo shoot quickly deteriorates into one heck of an embarrassing movie . 
violet ( perado ) is a south amboy hopeful who tries to make it big as a songwriter ( not a welder ) in new jack city . 
as na ? ve as they come , she's fobbed off by music producer's receptionists by the scorn-ful and has her apartment robbed hours after touching down in chinatown . 
and , like her mother before her , she gets stage fright whenever she tries to do the open mike night thing . 
when she sees a trio of babe-a-licious barkeeps thumbing through a stack of $20s in an all-night diner , violet simply has to check out this bar they call coyote ugly . 
lil ( bello ) , the no-nonsense owner , agrees to give violet an audition but violet blows it . 
still , lil gives violet another chance . 
a riot breaks out ( riots are the order of the day at 'ugly's , since the staff are relentless in flaunting their sexual wares , flambeeing the bar , and soaking the patrons with diet sprite--this is certifiable behavior in case i didn't mention it ) but violet successfully subdues the crowd by singing along to blondie's " one way or another " on the jukebox . 
she's hired ! 
and cured , since this little episode gives her the confidence to sing in an amateur talent contest where her dad ( goodman ) , the junk food-eating , laundry-impaired toll collector , comes to see her and is as proud as punch . 
the end .
confucius once said , " governing a nation is like cooking a small fish -- don't overdo it . " 
his maxim might be easily applied to writing a comedy script , for quantity over quality is one of the worst mistakes an amateur scribe can make . 
granted , mike judge , writer-director of the workplace satire office space isn't exactly an amateur ( his most infamous work , the mtv series " beavis and butt-head " was pure gold for its network ) . 
but unfailingly , judge manages to make some rather inexcusable mistakes in office space by spreading an iffy plot over too much ground . 
the iffiness in judge's plot -- a group of coworkers plan the downfall of their despicable boss -- is not in its appeal . 
in fact , based on the popularity of scott adams' cartoon " dilbert , " which will soon have its own television series , a satirical view of the american workplace is a hot item in hollywood . 
unfortunately the concept lends itself to skit-length sequences which would be more at home on the set of " saturday night live " rather than a full-length feature . 
the most convincing evidence of this are the trailers for office space , which feature almost all of the movie's top content ; this leaves the actual picture appearing very deflated . 
other evidence of office space's failure to work are its lack of good jokes . 
the comedy is marginally funny at best , but not enough to get a packed house of theater-goers to laugh out loud . 
the material in the movie is on-key for an older demographic than judge is used to targeting , and this could partially explain his work here . 
however , the movie is loaded with too many misfires -- including the token plot -- to allow for any excuse . 
the plot centers around three or four cubicled engineers , headed up by peter gibbons ( ron livingston ) , at a company named initech . 
after the movie elaborately establishes the miserable working conditions at initech , the movie introduces us to two consultants ( john c . mcginley and paul willson ) which are in charge of " downsizing " the company's payroll . 
when peter and his gang learns of this , as well as the reason behind it -- so their smooth talking boss bill lumbergh ( gary cole ) 's stock will go up -- they set about creating a plan to see his downfall . 
the circumstances that follow were obviously intended to be hilarious but they come out as anything but . 
a sympathetic cast and a muddled jennifer aniston-as-love-interest subplot are all that keep this one together , but it's definitely missable in lieu of something more intelligent .
" spawn " may be somewhat of an older film . 
in fact it will probably be on video before anyone who hasn't seen it will finally get to see it ( that is , if they see it ) . 
but i managed to catch it before it made it's way out of theaters and into the world of rentals and , god forbid , video cassette purchasing . 
it wasn't the worst film of year by any means . 
it isn't even on the top 5 of the worst films of the year . 
but it did manage to top the bottom five of the bottom ten , which , in simpler terms , means it comes in at number 6 on my " worst of 1997 " list . 
the only reason it doesn't come in lower is thanks to the special effects , which might actually have been some of the best of the year . 
performances , however , were either wooden or , for the most part , unforgivingly campy . 
in fact , this film shows no signs of attempting to avoid campiness ! 
even the editing seemed to boast a campy quality . 
i don't know how to explain that one ; it wasn't exactly choppy , but something about it seemed . 
 . 
 . 
well , annoyingly unprofessional . 
john leguizamo almost makes it as clown , but not quite . 
he is the only character who provides the audience with any laughs that can honestly be called intentional . 
but the main problem i found with " spawn " , as with most films that wind up on my " worst of " lists , is that it was just plain boring . 
i wouldn't even say there was a climax to the film . 
sure , it had the big battle scene at the end , but the only excitement felt was that the movie might be nearing a conclusion . 
never too soon , the movie did conclude in a very simple , disappointing way . 
even though it's one of the shorter movies i've seen this year , it's one that i would definitely not want to subject myself to sitting thru again . 
like i said , the special effects are the only reason that this film should have any sense of pride , no matter how small . 
i was impressed with the opening sequence , so long as i didn't allow the melodramatic voice-over and lobotomizing editing to get to me . 
and batman has nothing on the spectacular visuals spawn's outfit created . 
but even the effects got tiresome during the final scenes , which looked quite a bit like a modern video game . 
who knows if " spawn : the video game " wasn't part of the plan from the beginning ? 
keeping in mind that the film was based on a comic book makes it somewhat more approachable , and in a very small amount , makes up for the cheeziness of it all . 
but none of this movie's saving graces can it make it something i'd recommend seeing , no matter what the price of admission . 
this movie is definitely not for young children , which shouldn't really be a problem seeing as how only teenagers , if anyone , would likely find it appealing . 
if you really want to catch a movie , there are many better ones out there , no matter what your tastes might be ! 
trust me ! 
 " spawn " has very little to offer even the most avid moviegoers !
" ladybugs " is a typical comedy that relies on three supposed guarantees : the pathetic team who beats the champs ; cross dressing ; and the presence of rodney dangerfield . 
this picture doesn't play like a comedy for children , so who is it aimed at ? 
and why is it told like a 91-minute sit-com instead of a feature film ? 
rodney dangerfield stars as chester lee , a total schmuck working at a huge corporation . 
he obviously doesn't have a lot of self esteem and thinks he has to kiss up to get ahead , which he does by volunteering to coach the company's girls' soccer team . 
what a shock to learn chester and his assistant julie ( jackee ) know absolutely nothing about the game , and the players seem to know even less . 
i didn't laugh , but for some reason it didn't annoy me that much . 
chester's fiancee bess ( graff ) thinks he got a promotion in addition to the coaching position , and of course she has a slacker for a son who is doing poorly in school and is kicked off the sports teams . 
jonathon brandis is a nice surprise as matthew , who agrees to dress up as a girl named martha to help out chester ( probably because the girl he has a crush on plays on the team - what original story ideas ! ) . 
what we get is just another retread of the " underdog sports team " mixed with some cross dressing . 
unfortunately , the film isn't smart enough to play upon the drag aspect . 
in fact , it downplays it so heavily it's totally unbelievable . 
could it be any more obvious martha is a boy ? 
he only wears a girl's wig , without any makeup , and they don't even give him falsies . 
brandis doesn't bother to mimic a girl's voice either . 
then there is a pointless scene where chester and matthew shop for a dress , but for what reason ? 
martha is only seen on the soccer field , why would they buy a dress for her ? 
just when we think the martha character is going to be useful , she disappears , and the story wanders aimlessly looking for a new plot to pick up on . 
when bess discovers what's really going on she breaks up with chester , and the relationship is forgotten about and the film focuses on the soccer team and the tension between chester and his boss . 
this film could've been less bad had it been the cliche sports comedy , but it feels the need to go off on tangents that are completely unnecessary ( and bad at that ) . 
there's just too much of a sit-com feel here , especially during the so-called serious moments , and all the confusion between the characters . 
i've seen worse movies than " ladybugs , " but for some reason it contained some sort of bizarre charm , so even when it turns sour it doesn't seem as bad as it is . 
dangerfield finally gets his respect in the end , but at what a price .
the happy bastard's quick movie review 
the concept of enjoying a stupid comedy is best realized as keeping it stupid , really . 
shift gears even once and the audience can be thrown miserably out of control . 
sadly , that is the case with kingpin , a film directed by the farrelly brothers , the duo that brought us there's something about mary and dumb and dumber . 
since the duo directed and didn't write the script , i can assume that's part of the problem . 
the story seems good enough : a pro bowler in the 1970's by the name of roy munson ( woody harrelson ) is sitting on top of the world . 
his popularity has gone through the roof and he's getting his career off the ground . 
then , however , he runs into ed mccracken ( bill murray ) , a rival bowler with hardly any real consideration for , well , anything . 
these two form an ill-timed relationship that involves risky betting , and , before roy sees it coming , ed's abandoned him and he's about to lose his hand in a bowling ball machine . 
forward seventeen years later , where roy has become quite the loser , complete with mechanical hand , torn-up car , and , of course , the occasional knocking up of the ugly-ass landlord to avoid paying rent for a while . 
however , he finds a glimmer of a hope upon a visit to a local bowling alley , where he runs into an amish kid named ishmael ( randy quaid ) , who has quite the bowling arm . 
with the kid's help , he figures he can be known again , particularly at the biggest bowling tournament rapidly approaching in reno , nevada . 
of course , the amish kid needs some coaxing , particularly when you consider , well , he's amish . 
this leads to some of the best comic scenes in the film , such as roy's process of removing horseshoes or milking the cow . 
finally , the duo get on the road and , along the way , pick up an additional helper- a beautiful hustler ( played by the gorgeous vanessa angel ) . 
the main problem i had with kingpin wasn't the fact it wasn't funny . 
in fact , it does have some rather hilarious scenes in it , such as the aformentioned above and roy's explanation of not having children ( something involving a cheese grater ? ) . 
but that's just it- scenes . 
there's a couple of really serious scenes that throw off the entire momentum of the movie , like the abuse angel takes from her hustler ex-boyfriend . 
i mean , was this really necessary ? 
couldn't have this been handled just a bit wackier ? 
i mean , this is a comedy , why throw ethics in ? 
particularly in a farrelly brothers vehicle , where hair gel can be easily mistaken ? 
that really ruined it , however , and that's too bad . 
the acting is top notch , especially from angel and murray , and the really funny scenes are worth noting . 
still , if you're going to think dumb , think dumb all the way through , ok ? 
at least the farrelly brothers got back on track with mary or i'd still be a little bit irked .
" shagadellic ! " , " groovy , baby ! " 
 " smashing ! " 
adorn the 1/4 page ad for this movie tabbed as " the #1 comedy in america " as of may 8th . 
did we attend the same movie ? ! 
at 87 minutes it seemed overlong , like a snl skit on steroids , and at any length it seemed unfunny . 
yes , the sets and costumes were an interesting exaggeration of 60s pop frills , and yes , the concept , dealing with a 60s secret agent/pop icon ( played by myers ) awakened from his cryogenic slumber to battle his arch enemy ( dr . 
evil , also played by myers ) in the present day , had a great deal of potential . 
fun costumes and scenery and potential do not a movie make so lets throw in a hefty dose of bathroom humor . 
don't get me wrong , i like a good " bubbles in the bathtub joke " as much as the next person , but to have this type of humor be the funniest thing about your movie is a waste of yuor talent and my money . 
but , the way things work these days in the movie business , all a film has to do is call itself the funniest and people will believe it . 
i do give this film stars because of the sets , costumes , and sadly , unmet potential .
a couple of criminals ( mario van peebles and loretta devine ) move into a rich family's house in hopes of conning them out of their jewels . 
however , someone else steals the jewels before they are able to get to them . 
writer mario van peebles delivers a clever script with several unexpected plot twists , but director mario van peebles undermines his own high points with haphazard camera work , editing and pacing . 
it felt as though the film should have been wrapping up at the hour mark , but alas there was still 35 more minutes to go . 
daniel baldwin ( i can't believe i'm about to type this ) gives the best performance in the film , outshining the other talented members of the cast . 
[r]
you know the plot : a dimwit with a shady past is seduced into committing a crime only to be double-crossed by a fatal femme . 
in " palmetto , " the dimwit is harry barber ( woody harrelson ) , a reporter who's just been released from prison ( he was framed by the gangsters and corrupt officials he was investigating ) . 
enter la femme : rhea malroux ( elisabeth shue ) , the sexy young wife of the richest man in palmetto , florida ( rolf hoppe ) . 
she and her stepdaughter odette ( chlo ? sevigny ) have a plot to extort 500k from the old man : harry will " kidnap " odette . 
after groping both women , harry agrees . 
as everyone except harry can see , he's being set up as a fall guy . 
sure enough , before long , harry has a dead body in his trunk and the cops on his tail . 
his brother-in-law ( tom wright ) , an assistant da , has hired harry to be the press liaison for the case , so harry gets a front row seat for his own manhunt ( and we get to watch him sweat-literally ) . 
there are several plot twists , of course-a couple of them even took me by surprise . 
apparently every woman in palmetto is a raving horndog , and they're on harry like he's the only bone in the kennel . 
shue vamps so broadly that i expected tex avery's wolf to show up . 
her incredible performance in " leaving las vegas " seems to have been a fluke . 
here , she could easily be mistaken for melanie griffith . 
shue's character is supposed to be a savvy schemer but she comes off as a brainless bimbo . 
in addition to shue and sevigny , the kennel includes gina gershon ( who filled the dimwit-with-a-shady-past role in " bound " ) as harry's girlfriend nina ; when harry gets out of jail , she licks his face ( now there's a horndog ) . 
the parts are so overplayed that with a little push " palmetto " could have been an over-the-top parody of film noir a la " romeo is bleeding . " 
as it is , it's best watched at 2am on showtime ( the love scenes seem to have been written for one of that channel's soft porn programs anyway ) . 
 " palmetto " has a well-known director , volker schl ? ndorff , who's best known for his adaptations of major literary works , especially " the tin drum . " 
i suppose he must have been drawn to this plot-by-numbers script by the same admiration for classic film noir that led scorsese to remake " cape fear . " 
schl ? ndorff tries hard-he makes an interesting motif out of the ubiquitous palmetto bugs-but nothing can freshen up this stale script .
the comet-disaster flick is a disaster alright . 
directed by tony scott ( top gun ) , it tells the story about an asteroid the size of texas caught on a collision course with earth . 
and you thought that dinky little comet in deep impact was trouble . 
jeez . 
after a great opening , in which an american spaceship , plus the city of new york , are completely destroyed by a comet shower , nasa detects the said asteroid and go into a frenzy . 
they hire the world's best oil driller ( bruce willis ) , and send him and his crew up into space to fix our globel problem . 
that's like sending a mouse into a cat carrier , isn't it ? 
the action in armageddon are so over the top , nonstop , and too ludicrous for words , i had to sigh and hit my head with my notebook a couple of times . 
i was not alone . 
plus , to see a wonderful actor like billy bob thornton is a film like armageddon is a waste of the actor's talents . 
the film is just a reel to show off a bunch of snazzy fx shots . 
the only real reason for making this film was to somehow out-perform deep impact . 
producer jerry bruckheimer fails with armageddon .
at first i was intrigued by the strange cast and odd creatures on the galaxy quest trailer , but that was before i saw the film . 
now my view has completely changed . 
it's time to embrace for impact , because this is a very bumpy ride . 
the story begins with the cast of galaxy quest including : jason nesmith ( tim allen ) , alexander dane ( alan rickman ) , gwen demarco ( sigourney weaver ) signing autographs at a convention . 
they meet fans who dress up in costumes , fans who worship the ground they walk on , and a group of aliens called thermians who believe that they are the ultimate saviors against the dreaded alien colony lead by sarris ( robin sachs ) . 
of course they are unaware of this until they actually begin performing their duties , and meet the ugly aliens themselves . 
thus begins the long adventure to help save the thermians . 
the movie plays like a really bad star trek episode , in fact it's worse . 
i don't even think trekkies will appreciate this weak spoof , because quite frankly it's just not funny . 
all the jokes are basically collected observations from the series . 
one such continuous joke involves a simple crew member who believes he will die in space , because no extra on the tv show ever lives , as proven in the star trek series . 
creative jokes like this may seem like a clever idea , but not when they are used to death . 
a person can only take so much . 
we do not need to be tortured , especially when you have to pay for it . 
it's pretty bad when even tim allen is pitiful . 
it's not like i expected an oscar worthy performance form him , but a few laughs would have been helpful . 
speaking of acting , 2 fine talents were wasted as well . 
sigourney weaver was here to show cleavage , well at least it worked . 
it's pretty bad when the only entertaining value of the film is cleavage . 
it just shows you how disgraceful the film really is . 
alan rickman however was not so lucky . 
after his last hit ( dogma ) he embarrasses himself by doing this sloppy mess . 
it's just a shame to see talented actors and actresses throw their ability away . 
when the film couldn't get any worse , thankfully some nice special effects pop up . 
like many big blockbusters ( armageddon , the haunting to name a few ) they rely heavily on effects to help boost the film's box office results . 
times it works , but unfortunately we have to shell out hard earned money and suffer through this junk . 
when will it stop ? 
i am getting tired of being suckered into seeing such trash . 
it may look fine and dandy , but we need to at least have a story . 
is that too much to ask ? 
obviously it is . 
when galaxy quest finally ends , it literally crash lands . 
aside from the impressive looking creatures from industrial light and magic , it's an embarrassment to the cast , and it's embarrassing to the science fiction genre . 
it's not the least bit fun , nor was it entertaining . 
the only place where this movie belongs is to infinity and beyond .
the makers of spawn have created something almost as vacuous as this summer's other comic book adaptation , batman and robin . 
both films make the mistake of adapting for the screen not only the look of their graphic counterparts , but also their monosyllabic dialogue and empty-headed character motivations . 
in panel-sized morsels , implausible plots and " rambo " -esque dialogue are often overshadowed by the artwork , but on thirty foot silver screens , it's much more difficult to dismiss the shallowness behind the pretty pictures . 
spawn is ostensibly about an assassin named simmons ( white ) who is framed by a corporate baddie ( played without irony by sheen ) , then set on fire and left for dead . 
though the movie skimps on the next few plot points , here's what i could determine : said assassin then becomes the leader of satan's army , under the tutelage of a flatulating midget named clown ( leguizamo , grating as always ) . 
he is renamed , for reasons unbeknownst , spawn , and granted a really cool costume that enables him to become something of a human chameleon . 
but when spawn spies on a birthday party for his child , he realizes that he can't be the evil superdemon he's expected to be , and he sets about avenging his untimely death . 
typical of summer blockbusters , spawn is an effects-laden ninety minute rock video . 
while the visions of hell are laughably crude ( think the virtual reality sequences of the lawnmower man ) , spawn's prehensile outfit and the action sequences are truly something to behold . 
but the storytelling is completely lacking in emotion ( spawn longs for his wife , but they don't have a single scene together before simmons' death ! ) , conflict ( who will triumph is not anybody's guess ) , and believability ( not that i expected it ) . 
so many questions are left unanswered , and i'm sure they won't be addressed in the inevitable sequel . 
while last year's the crow : city of angels suffered similar problems with its narrative ( which was lazy and somewhat incoherent ) , it had atmosphere to spare and genuine moments of hypnotic power . 
spawn is an in-your-face , screaming banshee of a film ; these guys know how to graft a comic book onto celluloid , but they haven't the faintest idea how to make a movie .
here is a movie that sadly follows the hong kong-recipe of moviemaking and storytelling to the letter . 
these kinds of movies are marked by an eye-opening sequence that introduces us to the main characters ; a life-and-death plot in which these characters become involved ; the inclusion of a host of inconsequential characters ; ridiculous subplots , and sunglass-wearing henchmen . 
that is not to say that i don't like hong kong influenced movies ; however , it is quite obvious that these moviemakers haven't a clue that the american filmgoer needs more than hip-hop-talking thugs and stupid sight gags . 
observe the opening sequence . 
a band of hitmen are about to storm an apartment , led by melvin ( mark wahlberg ) and cisco ( lou diamond phillips ) . 
they are waiting for their partner to cut off the power so that they can storm the apartment with the help of infrared goggles . 
however , their partner is unsure of which cable to cut . 
he is undecided . 
this happens for about 10 seconds . 
the audience finds some humor in his foolishness . 
the lights suddenly go out . 
cisco is surprised and says : " whoa . . . let's 
go ! " 
and they storm the apartment in a very nicely executed sequence . 
the big hit of the title refers to a kidnapping that happens a quarter of the way through the film . 
needing cash , cisco devises a plan to kidnap the daughter ( china chow ) of wealthy japanese industrialist jiro nishi . 
however , the daughter is also the god-daughter of paris ( avery brooks ) , who is cisco's and melvin's boss . 
infuriated and insufferable , paris commands cisco to uncover the mastermind of the kidnapping . 
during his 'investigation' , cisco singles out melvin as the ringleader , and paris orders his capture and execution . 
melvin must now find a way to stay alive . 
by the way , do you know how the investigation takes place ? 
cisco's partner makes the ransom phone call believing that his call will not be traced because of a trace buster that prevents tracing . 
but , mr . nishi has a trace buster buster . 
to counter that , cisco's partner has a trace buster buster buster . 
but nishi has a trace buster buster buster buster . 
and so on . . . 
there is no doubt that this is an interesting world in which they live . 
and there are lots of issues that we'd like to know more about . 
how does melvin justify his profession to his fiancee ? 
what goes on among this clique ? 
why is cisco at odds with melvin ? 
there is actually a lot of potential material that could have been explored , but it seems that no effort is made to go in that direction , and instead we are given a not-so-engrossing plot filled with one-liners , silly sight gags , extraneous sub-plots and tomfoolery . 
and , i haven't even mentioned his financee's visiting parents who want them to separate , nor melvin's mistress , nor the pimple-faced video clerk demanding the return of an overdue video and on and on and on . 
if the big hit signals the future of hong kong style movies that are made for american audiences , then shoot me now .
after the huge success of " the exorcist " in 1973 a sequel was inevitable , and sadly like most horror fims that make money , the filmmakers decided to make a ridiculous sequel , that makes absolutely no sense at all , and to me was extremely pointless , wasting linda blair and max von sydow completely . 
needless , dumb sequel flopped in the box office , and never gained much success though it is voted as one of the worst sequels of all time , to which i agree with . 
to start the " story " it is four years later , and regan is being tormented by memories of what used to be , now a priest played by richard burton , is trying to figure out why this demon tried to possess regan , and now the demon somehow wants to possess her again ( maybe she was good or something ) . 
now they must try to stop this demon from taking over regan's body , before it is too late . 
some of the bad things exorcist ii has in it is : linda blair , she had no need to revive her character , and she is really terrible in this film , she brings it down to a lull , and in places it seems like it just stops in its place , and doesn't go anywhere . 
louise fletcher is alright for what it's worth , but she could have done a lot better than this . 
the direction by john boorman , is that of a confused , stylish nature that i really couldn't figure out . 
in fact , i had no idea what was going on in this film , the script was jumbled , the plot was jumbled , and the ending is just laugh out loud hilariosly bad . 
for those exorcist fans who haven't seen this one , i recommend renting it . 
i actually gave this one a high rating , if it were any worse it would have deserved zero pumpkins , i went easy on it however because of the fact that it has a bit of good direction , but nothing else ! 
im not saying i like the film now , so dont start going anywhere . 
bad , bad , bad movie .
the people who populate the movie 54 are shallow , self-absorbed and self-indulgent . 
in other words , they perfectly mirror the era as well as the movie this feature depicts . 
54 is the story of that well-publicized new york disco , studio 54 , the in-place in the '70s where anybody who was anybody went to be ogled , photographed and pampered . 
the difficulty with 54 , which was written and directed by mark christopher , is that his script takes no point of view . 
christopher neither condemns nor glorifies the legendary excesses that were studio 54's hallmark . 
he keeps an uninvolved distance , thus keeping us from forming any emotional attachment with any of the protagonists . 
the movie's one main asset is the surprising performance by mike myers as steve rubell , the famous owner of the nightspot . 
he is part rebel , part dreamer , part shrewd entrepreneur . 
he's smart enough and childlike enough to pander to the dreams and desires of his clientele , yet stupid enough to brag on tv about hiding profits from the irs . 
myers , in his first straight character part , is in turn appealing and appalling . 
at one moment he can try to pressure a male employee into a sexual situation , then at the next moment apologize for his bad behavior and offer the young man a handful of cash . 
the story is told by shane o'shea ( ryan phillippe ) , a new jersey lad who dreams of crossing the river to the big apple . 
shades of john travolta's brooklyn-bound tony in saturday night fever . 
eventually , shane does come to new york , attracts rubell's eye and is admitted to the promised land . 
his looks get him a job as a busboy , and he is later promoted to the prestigious position of bartender , where he mixes with and makes drinks for the rich and famous . 
shane's dream is to meet soap star julie black ( neve campbell ) , a fellow garden stater . 
but both characters are so sketchily drawn that even when they do hook up , it's no big deal . 
the chemistry between shane and julie is nonexistent . 
54 is a very cold , uninvolving movie . 
it's all strobe lights and glitz , all substance . 
it's sort of like the musical era it covers .
a month ago i wrote that speed 2 was the worst film i've ever reviewed on paper . 
i didn't know at the time that i'd soon encounter and despise batman & robin , which has just overtaken speed 2 as the picture least worthy of your attention this summer . 
as directed by joel schumacher ( who now specializes in batman sequels and john grisham adaptations and isn't very good at either ) , b & r is one long excuse for a taco bell promotion . 
the plot , which has mr . freeze and poison ivy ( uma thurman ) planning to take over gotham city and then " the vorld " ( as an oddly ineffective schwarzenegger states ) , is weighted down by repetitive asides about the nature of trust , partnership , blah , blah , blah . 
but morals are not the point of this film--topping each bloated , confusing action scene with next one is . 
the garish art direction and overlit cinematography make this picture oddly comparable to the trashy showgirls . 
since when did gotham city become a giant las vegas hotel ? 
only george clooney comes out on top ; he underplays nicely and pretends like he's in a real movie .
a big , busy boxing satire with a surprisingly paltry punch , the great white hype stars samuel l . jackson as a shameless boxing promoter whose plan to boost sagging pay-per-view revenues is to " invent " a white contender ( peter berg ) to challenge his black heavyweight " champ " ( damon wayans ) . 
 ( the logic is that people will pay more to see black vs . white than black vs . black . ) 
he may be right , in an absurdly accurate way , but the film doesn't give us a reason to care . 
as a scathing sports spoof , hype is just that : unfunny , unfocused , and , at times , just plain pointless . 
as a commentary on race relations , it's even * less * effective . 
the dialogue is the best of this mess , lines like jon lovitz exclaiming " i cannot make caviar out of fish eggs ! " 
writers tony hendra and ron shelton also do good on the street slang , though we never hear enough of it . 
the script isn't strong enough , though , to support the aggressive camera work of director reginald hudlin ( house party ) . 
he comes across as absolute overkill . 
the great white hype * almost * turns around at the end , at the big match , when hudlin attempts an extended gag of rock-concert proportions . 
with costumed dwarfs , gangsta rappers , and the " champ " dressed as death , only then do we get a glimpse of the spoof that should've been .
violence is bad . 
violence is ugly . 
violence breeds yet more violence . 
kids , don't try this at home . 
this weighty message isn't the only barrier to enjoying brother , but it's certainly one of the largest . 
written , directed by , and starring the infamous takeshi kitano ( kikujiro , sonatine ) brother is his first film made outside his familial japan , bringing the yakuza tradition to los angeles . 
 ( yakuza translated for the average american is the japanese mafia . ) 
if you piss a " family " member off , or dishonor yourself in any way , the usual punishment is public display of self-mutilation , usually resulting in the loss of limbs . 
a definition of dishonor can be anything from making a stupid decision to leaving one family for another . 
it would be interesting to know more about where these and other customs come from . 
unfortunately the film doesn't give too much of an explanation , assuming its audience is aware of kitano's earlier work . 
there are several shots that focus specifically on detailed tattoos that spread across the entire back of the yakuza members , leading one to assume they would be symbolic of something , but you never know what . 
then there's a scene in which a man kills himself in front of a rival in exchange for that rival joining the family . 
granted , this is one of the best scenes in the movie , but it doesn't make a lot of sense . 
instead , the two hours are basically spent watching the following : people go out and shoot each other , talk about it for ten-plus minutes , then go out and do it again . 
the consistently repetitive discussion of territory during these moments involuntarily provokes yawning . 
there are also plot details thrown in for no identifiable purpose . 
all of the sudden yamamoto ( kitano ) has a girlfriend . 
he barely speaks to her , treats her like crap , and then sends her away . 
another missed opportunity , considering it is such a big deal for kitano to bring his magic to the united states , is the combination of cultures , which rely too heavily on overused stereotypes . 
though slow moving , brother does have good elements . 
the action scenes are well directed , clearly defined , and interesting to watch . 
some of the violence is more hinted at than shown , which produces the luscious squirm that one goes to see such films for . 
the actors would be more enticing if they had more to do . 
shirase's ( masaya kato ) loud , sarcastic coolness set against yamamoto's quietly threatening attitude is truly an entertaining combination . 
their moments together or apart steal the rest of the show . 
also to its credit , brother tackles the cause and effect of crime with realism . 
a life of crime is easy to get sucked into with the first reward of quick cash . 
sure people get rich , but they can also lose just as easily . 
it's a great moral , with a great cast , just not much substance to back it up .
the word to describe sharon stone is " wonder " . 
not that she _is_ a wonder , but rather that i wonder how she can be so inconsistent . 
she has a dynamic screen presence in " basic instinct " , turns in a surprisingly fine acting job in " casino " , but possesses neither of those here . 
stone teams up with private school headmaster's wife isabelle adjani to kill adjani's thoroughly unlikable husband ( chazz palminteri ) . 
in a comedy of errors and unexpected twists straight out of hitchcock ( as in `homage to' [read " steal from " ] ) , it turns out that someone saw them or he's not dead or maybe . . . 
kathy bates turns in a credible , if unspectacular , performance as an investigative police detective . 
her character is a bit dull but realistic , although her actions at the end are puzzling . 
adjani is more than satisfactory as the timid beaten spouse driven to desperation . 
it's stone that is a disappointment among the actors . 
how can she be the epitome of a femme fatale in previous films and come off as a blank in this one ? 
costumed in skin-tight clothes and looking down her nose at everyone , she is someone you would want to avoid because she is boring , not enticingly dangerous . 
even the threat ( or promise ? ) of a lesbian relationship between the conspirators is only half played out . 
on the positive side , there are enough unexpected plot developments to keep your interest alive . 
that is if you can put up with stone's cardboard cut-out character and scenes directly lifted from hitch's movies .