polsci/sentiment-polarity-dataset-v2.0 huggingface dataset:
in the series of the erotic thrillers that flooded the videoshelves in the early 1990s came this french-canadian co-production by max fischer . 
the movie is set in paris where its hero , struggling american author david mirkine ( judd nelson , at the time specialised in playing losers and people at the edge of sanity ) suffers a terrible writers bloc . 
he manages to overcome crisis after beginning romantic relationship with beautiful model anabelle ( laurence treill ) . 
unfortunately , she hangs out in jet set circles , which gradually makes mirkine pathologically jealous . 
her connection with powerful david caravan ( pierce brosnan ) would make mirkine step the line between reason and sanity and put in motion whole series of violent and tragic events . 
although few pseudoerotic scenes and some elements of the plot do indeed make this film an erotic thriller , drama would probably be more appropriate genre label . 
pacing of the film is simply too slow to thrill the viewers , and those patient enough to sit through its entirety have to wait a long time between any interesting or significant developments . 
low budget also becomes painfully visible , and physical attributes of laurence treill are the only thing worth watching in this film . 
unfortunately , this film has too little of those supposedly erotic scenes , so those who wanted to watch erotic thriller have all the reasons to feel disappointed . 
instead , they would have to settle with pointless , slow scenes involving nelson , brosnan and laurence treill's attempts of serious acting . 
all of those definitely not worth spending hour and half of someone's precious time .
here i sit at my computer about to write my review of the recent action comedy " bait " starring jamie foxx and david morse . 
this is a review i don't even want to write because i'd just be laying the same criticisms on it that i would with any other so-generic-and-predictable-it's-beyond-ridiculous piece of hollywood fluff . 
if they're not going to give us , the audience , just a little credit and put something together with half a brain , why should i waste my time and mental energy criticising it ? 
last summer i took this same approach with my review of " the mummy , " in that review i just quoted phrases my reviews of other sub-par movies . 
i think i shall do the same thing here but with a few less quotes ( not all are applicable ) . 
i hope this goes to show you what i think of " bait " and why you can find out all you need to know about it without having to take a wild guess . 
it's genuinely unfunny ( i , and the other audience members only laughed once during the entire two hours ) , unoriginal and unthrilling . 
it's not so bad to the point where it's fun to watch because of its badness and it's no so bad you absolute loathe it and are pained by watching it , it's just such a cliche in and of itself , that , uhh . . . 
lost my train of thought . 
anyways , here's those quotes , enjoy ! 
 " getting an audience's attention right from the beginning plays a major role in how today's films work . 
we want to have something exciting to watch , not a slow build-up of a story ( god forbid ! ) , and this film plays right into the mainstream's hands . . . " 
- review of " armageddon . " 
 " it's clear the film doesn't want to waste time on reality and thus the attempt to establish plausability ( the most minimal amount necessary ) comes across as a half-assed effort . 
supporting characters and shady sup-plots are introduced , but as is the case with films made up of a large cast of characters , only a handful have any real significance . . . 
there's a fine line separating homage from plagiarism . . . , " - review of " godzilla " ( 1998 ) 
 " unfortunately , as is the case with most modern thrillers , once the film showed potential for authenticity and intelligence , the cliches and action sequences take over , " - review of " the jackal . " 
chad'z movie page is back after heavy renovation . 
reviews of nearly all mainstream movies playing today ! 
get my reviews of everything playing at your local cineplex so you can better make an informed decision on what to see . 
don't forget to vote on my poll and sign the guestbook !
the 13th warrior reeks so badly of melodrama and poor acting that it carries a worst scent than a canine's least appetizing residue . 
the best part of the film would be a close contest between the closing credits and a brief moment in the middle where the screen goes entirely white and you hope that the film has slipped and caught ablaze in the projector . 
my vote goes for the ending credits , where you can start trying to put the awful experience behind you . 
ibn fahdlan ( antonio banderas ) is an important official who is banished from his home for sleeping with another man's wife . 
he encounters a group of norse warriors who convince him to join them on a mysterious journey to be taken by 13 men . 
fahdlan is chosen as the 13th and last warrior in a moment that is so desperately overacted and overdone that numerous persons at the screening i attended broke out into laughter . 
the movie proves to be a new low point for banderas , who's acting seems closer to that of his role as the lover and caretaker for a dying gay man in 1993's philadelphia , than that of a warrior . 
in the film's supposed pay off scene , he exclaims " i was wrong , these are not men ! " , 
a line intended to be the most memorable quote of the production . 
unfortunately , banderas delivers it in a fashion that makes chevy chase's career look like oscar material . 
the film , based on michael crichton's best selling novel , eaters of the dead was shot under that name some three years ago , and after numerous rewrites not only does the dialogue seem completely phony , but the plot is incredibly difficult to follow . 
at the same time , the 13th warrior makes you think about numerous questions . 
questions like " why do the characters always have perfect lighting on them even when it is pitch dark ? " , 
 " why does no one ever have blood cover both sides of their face , but rather just one side ? " 
and finally , " will the manager give me a refund ? " 
90 minutes into the 103 minute film , a man invites of the warriors " come with me , there is a woman who can help . " 
unfortunately , there is nothing that could help this film . 
the most appropriate ending would have been for the 13 men to join hands , form a chorus line , and break into a rendition of " springtime for hitler . "
i've heard it called " jaws with claws " and that's a fair summation of the plot , though that tag line does little to quantify quality . 
director stephen hopkins ( blown away , predator 2 ) and screenwriter william goldman ( maverick , misery ) would have you believe that this is an epic historical drama about man against nature , based on what really happened in africa to the railroad workers trying to build a bridge to the 20th century . 
they've stacked the deck with two big stars ( val kilmer , michael douglas ) , a bigger production design , beautiful photography ( by academy award winner vilmos zsigmond ) , and a score so overblown that it makes the lion king soundtrack sound like chamber music . 
the movie doesn't make a lick of sense , though , either as an epic or as your basic boo-fest . 
in fact , some of the bits are so laughably ludicrous that you may think you've stumbled into the sequel to mystery science theater 3000 : the movie . 
how about the three guys with rifles , who trap a lion and then can't even hit the damned thing ? 
or the ham-on-wry acting of michael douglas , who chews more scenery than the animals ever do ? ? 
or , my favorite , lions so agile that they can even climb onto rooftops ? ! ?
billy crystal reappears in yet another high concept comedy . 
he tries to infuse some life into it , but it gets bogged down with sentimentality and a lack of sophistication . 
sammy ( billy crystal ) is a struggling agent at the end of his ropes . 
he's separated from his wife , serena ( kathleen quinlan ) , and down to his last serious client . . . in a low-budget film shooting in romania . 
but in a turn of bad luck , sammy wrecks his car . . . only 
to be mysteriously saved by a giant ( gheorghe muresan ) . 
but this giant has a heart of gold . 
he leads a solitary life , helping out the monks at a local monastery . 
his only longing is for his long lost love , lilianna ( joanna pacula ) , who has since moved to america . 
sammy , seeing a golden ticket , convinces max to become an actor ( represented by sammy , of course ) , and come back to america . 
and so sam and max bounce from pathetic job to pathetic job , with sammy dangling a meeting with lilianna as a carrot before max's nose . 
but slowly sammy's deceptions begin to haunt him . 
but will he develop a conscience before the innocent max becomes disillusioned . 
the humor in my giant isn't the world's greatest . 
mostly , it falls under the category of " boy . . . he's 
so big ! " , 
and that can only go so far , no matter how hard the talent tries . 
still , its slightly amusing parts are longed for when the movie gets bogged down in sappy moments . 
the film's best moment ( and that's not saying much ) is a bit part by steven seagal , playing himself . 
between executive decision and this , all of seagal's best roles have been cameos . 
maybe he should consider a change of work : steven seagal , the character actor ! 
gheorghe muresan isn't a natural actor at all , and his thick cotton-mouthed accent certainly doesn't help . 
in fact the only thing he adds to the role is his immense stature . 
originally , the concept was designed several years ago for andre the giant . 
andre also had a hefty accent , but he displayed a knack for comedy in the princess bride . . . something 
muresan should have studied for some pointers . 
why does billy crystal continually get caught in these pathetic comedies ? 
he's proven that he can be much funnier than these formulaic films allow him to be , and yet , like a glutton for punishment , he keeps coming back . 
that doesn't mean we have to .
movies can do the two big es very well : educate and entertain . 
in the best of all possible worlds , they accomplish both . 
on the red planet , they fail entirely . 
in the near future , a manned mission is sent to mars to observe primitive plant growth . 
this film does a remarkable job of demonstrating exactly how exciting watching algae grow would be . 
after some mumbo-jumbo about an ecological disaster on earth and an interminable wait to reach the fourth planet , the ship falls apart almost as fast as the movie does . 
the ground crew of people you couldn't care less about is trapped on the surface without food , water or air and stalked by a deadly rogue cyberdog . 
the one potentially interesting character ( carrie-anne moss ) spends her time alone in the orbiting ship talking to a computer . 
attempting to graft " 2001 " esque space mysticism with " terminator " robot horror , first time director antony hoffman can't seem to figure out what's going on . 
neither can we . 
didn't he have anyone who could step back from the shooting and make sure there was a coherent story ? 
couldn't he have used the money saved by only having to pay half a dozen actors to hire a scriptwriter ? 
there are so many mis-steps . 
every opportunity to create dynamic tension is thwarted by plot holes and lackluster direction . 
why introduce the theme of faith vs . science if the crewman who could comment on it disappears early only to die _offscreen_ ? 
the audience begins the film waiting for something to happen . 
two hours later , they're still waiting . 
despite our greatest hopes , there is no life on the red planet .
in this re-make of the 1954 japanese monster film , godzilla is transformed into a " jurassic park " copy who swims from the south pacific to new york for no real reason and trashes the town . 
although some of the destruction is entertaining for a while , it gets old fast . 
the film often makes no sense ( a several-hundred foot tall beast hides in subway tunnels ) , sports second-rate effects ( the baby godzillas seem to be one computer effect multiplied on the screen ) , lame jokes ( mayor ebert and his assistant gene are never funny ) , horrendous acting ( even matthew broderick is dull ) and an unbelievable love story ( why would anyone want to get back together with maria pitillo's character ? ) . 
there are other elements of the film that fall flat , but going on would just be a waste of good words . 
only for die-hard creature feature fans , this might be fun if you could check your brain at the door . 
i couldn't . 
 ( michael redman has written this column for 23 years and has seldom had a more disorienting cinematic experience than seeing both " fear and loathing " and " godzilla " in the same evening . )
everyone knows that old rule , 'never work with children and animals . ' 
in this latest horror flick mimic case , it's 'never work with children and genetically enhanced killer animals' instead , as mimic features both of these and succeeds in doing nothing except mildly engaging the audience . 
the film begins in new york , where we see children dying from a mysterious disease , which is being carried by cockroaches . 
dr . susan tyler ( sorvino ) creates a genetically enhanced bug ( the 'judas' breed ) , however , which is designed to kill all cockroaches . 
the bug does it's job , the cockroaches all die , and the terror is gone . 
'three years later' appears on the screen , and we discover that the judas breed is back , bigger than ever , and ready to kill . 
the spin on this bug , however , is that it can mimic it's predator , and in this case . . . . it's 
humans . 
that should teach us for squishing all those bugs . 
what should be a roller coaster ride with bugs everywhere , tons of gory deaths and some massive set pieces instead turns out to be a rather subdued , almost boring movie which plods along at a very slow pace . 
perhaps the movie was trying to be thought provoking , and trying to avoid the 'predator' type movie it could easily have become . 
if it is , then the director and writers have made the wrong move , because this is perfectly suited to be an all out action fest . 
the director , who bought us cronos , a far superior film , directs the film in a calm , and frankly dull movie . 
there are few exciting sequences , instead just a lot of people talking . 
if the dialogue was intelligent , then it would be all right , but it's sadly babbling nonsense . 
in fact , the script is embarrsingly weak , and the characterizations not much better . sorvino and company are as 2d as characters come , with the script not bothering to develop them . 
there is some action in this film , but it's directed in such an annoying way , it's just infuriating to watch . 
the camera cuts all over the place , disoreitating the audience , and instead of involving the audience in the action , it merely alienates them . 
the peformances are o . k , if slightly below average . 
sorvino is o . k , although she's not very good at conveying terror , or anything emotion really . 
the supporting cast are all sterotypes , with characters such as a big black security guard with a foul mouth , a geeky scientist with spectacles , and what could be the most stereotypical mexican 'old timer' ever . 
their reasonable good fun , however . 
mimic , then , may fail with it's story , pacing and characters , but the film does look good . 
like dark city , mimic is a definite case of style of content . 
it may be a bit too gloomy for it's own good , but the sets look nice , and parts of the film are directed well . 
but looks aren't good enough to save mimic from the depths of mediocre , somewhere where it shouldn't really belong . 
a good opportunity , then , wasted . 
a shame . 
overall rating= review by david wilcock ? 1998
it's tough to be an aspiring superhero in champion city . 
just ask mr . furious ( ben stiller ) , the blue raja ( hank azaria ) , and the shoveler ( william h . macy ) . 
they're trying to break into the biz , but captain amazing ( greg kinnear ) , the city's hero numero uno , hogs all the action . 
the good captain has his own problems . 
because he's all but eliminated crime , amazing's endorsement deals are falling through . 
the public craves a major slugfest , so amazing engineers the parole of his one-time arch enemy casanova frankenstein ( geoffrey rush ) . 
frankenstein succeeds beyond expectations ; he captures capt . amazing before setting out on his scheme to destroy the city . 
so , no one is left to save the day but our would-be superheroes , but their abilities are more " little league " than " justice league . " 
the raja hurls forks at foes , the shoveler hits them with a shovel , and mr . furious just yells at people ( stiller is doing essentially the same character he played in a guest appearance on " friends " ) . 
after a painful first strike , the guys hold auditions for teammates and add the bowler ( janeane garofalo ) , who carries her dead father's skull in her bowling ball ; invisible boy ( kel mitchell ) , who can only use his powers when no one is looking at him ; the spleen ( paul reubens ) , who blows devastating winds from his rear ; and the sphinx ( wes studi ) , a mysterious figure who will teach them to fight . 
 " mystery men " boasts one of the most talented and eclectic casts ever assembled . 
in addition to those already mentioned , the credits include lena olin as frankenstein's evil shrink , comedian eddie izzard and the fugees' prakazrel michel as disco-themed thugs , singer tom waits as an inventor of superhero weapons , artie lange ( from " mad tv " ) as another thug , claire forlani ( from " meet joe black " ) as a waitress mr . furious is pursuing , louise lasser ( from " mary hartman , mary hartman " ) as the blue raja's mother , and actor/magician ricky jay as capt . amazing's manager . 
the cast includes four oscar-nominated actors ! 
when i saw the list of players early last year , i figured the result would be a can't-miss comedy . 
yet , i must report disappointment . 
the script is probably the worst of 1999 . 
nearly every joke misfires . 
the stabs at comic books are too obvious to be funny . 
 ( for example , no one can recognize capt . amazing in his secret identity because he's wearing glasses . ) 
the fart jokes surrounding the spleen are surprisingly the only gags that work . 
the cast tries hard , especially hank azaria , whose character adopts an effete british accent while in costume , but the script is just too lame to run .
carry on at your convenience is all about the goings-on in the factory of a toilet manufacturer , wc boggs ( kenneth williams ) . 
once they have won an order to manufacture 1000 bidets in two months and charles coote ( charles hawtrey ) has designed a suitable model , the factory employees set to work but are interrupted by union representative vic spanner ( kenneth cope ) and friend bernie hulke ( bernard bresslaw ) who call them out on strikes on the slightest pretext . 
meanwhile , chief foreman sid plummer ( sid james ) is growing tired of his wife beattie ( hattie jacques ) and her budgie . 
he would much rather live next door with fellow boggs worker chloe moore ( joan sims ) but once he discovers that the budgie can predict the winners of horse races , he is over the moon and flush with money . 
his daughter , myrtle plummer ( jacki piper ) , is going out with wc's son lewis boggs ( richard o'callaghan ) and this causes conflict on the staff day out to the seaside when vic spanner vies for her attentions . 
in the end , if the strike does not cease , boggs will have to close down his factory , but the support of a group of women led by coote's wife-to-be and spanner's mother , agatha spanner ( renee houston ) , try to resolve the situation . 
also , sid realises that his budgie has caused him nothing but trouble since it started predicting horse race winners . 
there are some good performances , as usual , from sid james and kenneth williams in their standard roles . 
charles hawtrey is third billing but only appears in a few scenes . 
his part is mildly amusing . 
richard o'callaghan is appealing as bogg's stuck-up son , patsy rowlands is funny as miss withering , bogg's assistant , and renee houston is terrific in her small part as agatha . 
however , sole acting honours go to hattie jacques as beattie plummer . 
although her character is not directly involved with the main storyline , she manages to input a great deal of pathos and feeling into her character . 
a marvellous performance from a marvellous actress . 
the film suffers from annoying performances by bernard bresslaw and especially kenneth cope . 
in his carry on debut , cope overdoes his role as spanner making him so annoying as to be unfunny . 
joan sims returns as the love interest ( instead of barbara windsor ) . 
sims' 'usual' part as the downtrodden wife was taken by hattie jacques . 
additionally , bill maynard as fred moore is very poor . 
this carry on movie tries it best to entertain the viewer : - the locations and wealth of characters are appealing . 
however , the toilet humour becomes tiresome very quickly and some of the performances leave a lot to be desired . 
this movie does not know where it is going . 
it was made in 1971 and talbot rothwell the scriptwriter seems to be in two minds whether to go for 'bluer' jokes or to maintain the 'innocent' jokes success of most of its predecessors . 
that is why this film suffers . 
a minor carry on film whose major asset is the performance by hattie jacques . 
the new 'minor-regulars' such as o'callaghan and piper are not able to enliven the movie and the toilet humour becomes humourless after a while .
tomb raider . 
fun ? 
exciting ? 
challenging ? 
given the unprecedented popularity ( especially among teenage boys ) of the video game that sports an uber-buff , pistol packin' babe who raids , well . . . 
tombs , you have to believe it's these three things and more ! 
 " lara croft : tomb raider , " the big screen variant of said video game , which features a pumped-up angelina jolie ( the oscar ? winner for " girl , interrupted " no less ) in the title role is , however , none of these things . 
it isn't fun , it isn't exciting , and the only challenge is seeing how long you can stay in your seat ( i suffered through to the bitter , bitter end ; the wife opted for barnes & noble at the 45-minute mark ) . 
directed by simon west with the same subtlety he brought to " con air , " " tomb raider " is an empty-headed , big budget bore . 
the story borrows unintelligently from that mother of all turkeys " hudson hawk " ( the same hokum about planetary alignments and sacred stones that , when brought together , well . . . 
who the heck cares ? ) and it makes " super mario bros . " ( bob hoskins' ill-advised career move ) look like " rocco and his brothers " ( that classic of italian neo-realism ) . 
i'll go out on a limb here and say i suspect there's actually more character development in the video game than the movie proper . 
this is where the jolie defenders/video game nuts jump in and say this movie isn't about character development it's about kicking serious butt ( or bum , since ms . croft hails from england's green and pleasant ) . 
with lips , breasts , and biceps all inflated to the max , lara croft is all about posturing , and jolie has a hard time simply standing still without trying to look tough . 
ok , let's forget challenging . 
shouldn't " tomb raider " be , at the very least , fun and exciting ? 
shouldn't our butt-kicking heroine also encompass the sophistication of , say , james bond with the wit of indiana jones ? 
there's no humor to be found anywhere in " tomb raider , " even though it tries hard from time to time . 
even " the mummy returns " didn't take itself too seriously . 
the villain here is noticeably lacking , the special effects are ridiculously overblown and unnecessarily complicated , and the script is non-existent . 
to liven things up ( perhaps ) , jolie's live father jon voight puts in a few minutes as lara's dead father lord croft ; talk about a stretch . 
one thing i hadn't expected from the film is that jolie affects a slightly better english accent than her pa ( although i suspect that thin-looking moustache he's forced to wear gets in the way some ) . 
unsuccessful ? not entirely . 
if anything , " lara croft : tomb raider " makes you want to check out the video game itself to figure out exactly what all the fuss was about .
walt disney studios may have finally met its match with the lush animation in twentieth century fox's anastasia . 
but judging by the latest efforts from the don bluth studios , the visuals are the only thing fox has to brag about . 
disney's recent classics have occasionally stretched credibility in such films as pocahontas , the hunchback of notre dame , and to a lesser extent , hercules . 
with anastasia , fox has gone so far as to throw all facts completely out the window . 
some may say - so what ? 
it's just a kid's movie . 
well . . . 
if you have young kids , beware , as they may be noticeably frightened by the visuals of a corpse-rotting rasputin zombie , whose body parts continually fall off in a disconcertingly real way . 
consider yourselves warned . 
nevertheless , the animation is quite stunning at times . 
don bluth has used computer animation extensively throughout , occasionally rivalling photographic quality . 
and yet in other scenes , the hand-drawn material seems of the saturday-morning tv crowd , which leads me to wonder . . . 
was this rushed to market to combat disney ? 
the plot , as anyone who had read history before knows , concerns the attempt to return anastasia to her royal family after she was lost in the overthrow of the romanovs in 1916 . 
not that anastasia is much concerned with what really happened . 
as for the plot --- go rent disney's candleshoe . 
you'll see 60% of anastasia there .
because no one demanded it : david duchovny in a romantic comedy ! 
at last , both his romantic magnetism and his comedic brilliance are mined for all their resources ! 
the choice of duchovny may have something to do with the plot , which could be fodder for a valentine's day episode of " the x-files . " 
bob rueland ( david duchovny ) loses his wife elizabeth ( joely richardson ) in a car accident . 
at the same time , grace briggs ( minnie driver ) is in the hospital , waiting for a heart transplant . 
grace gets elizabeth's heart , and it leads her to bob . 
it's the romantic equivalent of all those horror films where someone gets a transplant from a serial killer and then is driven to slaughter people . 
four writers are credited with contributing to the story . 
that doesn't seem possible . 
despite being a solid two hours long , " return to me " adds little to the " boy meets girl / boy loses girl " formula and , as a result , is terribly tedious and slow-moving . 
duchovny and driver seem unable to generate any sparks , and i kept wishing for a fast-forward button to move their scenes along . 
since driver has managed to work well in romantic roles before , i blame duchovny . 
he's out of his element without the manufactured and static sexual tension of his tv series ( and i've always thought that the relationship between mulder and scully on " the x-files " comes off more sibling-like than hot-and-bothered ) . 
there's something about duchovny that makes me uneasy . 
regardless of the role he's playing , he comes off as a weirdo . 
the only redeeming quality of " return to me " is its hilarious supporting cast . 
the circle of friends and relatives around bob and grace is constantly playing matchmaker , and they generate the only laughs in the movie . 
carroll o'connor is grace's grandfather marty o'reilly . 
when bob comes into marty's restaurant after hours , marty immediately begins quizzing bob about his marital status . 
when marty discovers that bob is a widower , he invites bob to join his poker game and introduces him with the declaration , " this is bob ! 
his wife is dead ! " 
the poker buddies are just as desperate to find a mate for grace and greet bob enthusiastically when they hear the news . 
also funny : bonnie hunt as grace's best friend megan and james belushi as megan's husband joe . 
married with children , megan and joe provide a useful counterpoint by showing the mundane results of romance . 
although it's rare to see him in a movie that premieres in a theater , belushi delivers his lines with great comic skill . 
rounding out the impressive supporting cast are david alan grier as bob's best friend and robert loggia as marty's brother-in-law angelo . 
in only the lead actors lived up to the standards set by the rest of the cast . 
bottom line : if you are compelled to see this movie , watch it on video so you can fast-forward to scenes with carroll o'connor and james belushi .
i'm not sure if silvio horta wrote urban legend before or after the success of scream , but i'm guessing after just because it seems he may not have had time to write a second draft . 
seriously , this idea--a psycho bumping off people in the style of urban legends--is a great one and i wish it could have been pulled off . 
the first sign of trouble comes with the painfully insipid dialogue . 
an example : " that [car crash] must've been awful . . . for 
everyone involved . " 
you can tell that the writer intended that something a little more airy was supposed to have been said , just no one figured out what . 
i know in slasher movies there isn't supposed to be a lot of great characterization and i myself don't mind cardboard cutouts , but please don't let the cutouts be so damn bland . 
one reason movies like scream , star wars and diva have become so treasured is because they feature charismatic actors playing interesting characters . 
aside from jared leto and joshua jackson ( who aren't on the screen long enough ) no one in urban legend makes the grade . 
alicia witt shows none of the acerbity or wit she displayed on cybill , rebecca gayheart actually looks unattractive ( not to mention as dumb as a post through 3/4 of the film ) and robert englund just cruises on auto pilot . 
good thing brad dourif is here , but wait . . . he's only in the movie for five minutes _and_ he's just redoing his good-natured stuttering character from one flew over the cuckoo's nest . 
which brings me to another aspect of urban legend : it's unoriginality . 
the film most blatantly ripped off is scream ( another reason that makes me think silvio horta wrote this after craven's and williamson's great success ) . 
urban legend tries to deconstruct modern-day folklore much the same way scream deconstructed slasher films , but it doesn't quite succeed . 
it's best stab at self-reflexivity is poking fun at " that girl in the noxzeema ad " ( ie , rebecca gayheart ) we also have another killer-taunting-his-victim-on-the-phone routine in urban legend and quick , what movie is this exchange of dialogue from : 
female protagonist : why ? 
villain : why ? 
why ? ! ? 
congratulations to those of you who answered scream and/or urban legend . 
like i said , this movie could've been great . 
if only silvio had worked or been allowed to work a little longer on the script . 
still , at least urban legend had some pretty cool death scenes and a somewhat realized whodunit angle which makes this slasher is waaaayyyyyy better than i know what you did last summer .
let me begin by saying that this is easily the worst movie in the entire official ( and even unofficial ) james bond series . 
it is so full of self-parody and silly characters that you would almost believe you were watching a spoof . 
an omen of what is to come is provided by the pre-credits sequence , a dull affair featuring a confrontation between a man ( it's difficult to give a better description since no mention of him is made elsewhere in the movie ) and the assassin of the title . 
a song with woefully terrible lyrics follows , and the rest of the movie is even worse . 
the plot might have been a pleasant change from the usual rule-the-world so often found in the james bond movies of the 70s , but here we get a confused mismash about a fabled assassin , francisco scaramanga ( christopher lee , putting in a performance which is one of the rare saving graces of this movie ) who someone has apparently payed one million dollars to in order to remove roger moore's 007 . 
there is also a flimsy connection with the energy crisis and a missing solar cell with 95% efficiency . 
it's as much of a mess as it sounds . 
bond is " helped " in his task by mary goodnight ( ekland ) , whose character couldn't possibly be any closer to the stereotypical bimbo . 
during the course of the movie she gets locked in both a closet and a car trunk , blunders around a control room accidentally setting off a laser and serves no purpose in enhancing the plot whatsoever . 
maud adams ( later to star in octopussy ) is a much more stronger and useful character , but she hardly features in the movie . 
scaramanga's lackey is a dwarf called nik-nak , who rather fittingly is also possibly the silliest henchman in the series , serving up annoyance and weak dialogue in equal measures . 
worse still is an almost total lack of action throughout the whole movie . 
there is but one fight sequence about fifteen minutes in ( not counting a ludicrous scene where two teenage girls beat up several dozen trained martial artists -- another misguided attempt at humour ) . 
the solitary car chase might have been a highlight , but the " action " is interrupted on a frequent basis by a redneck sheriff ( j . w . 
pepper , played by clifton james of live and let die " fame " ) yelling stupid comments out of the passenger window . 
he is easily the most irritating character in a james bond movie . 
even his presence could have been made bearable by one of the most impressive car stunts in cinematic history , a 360 degree twisting loop jump over a broken bridge -- could have been , except somebody got the idea to dub a mocking whistle tone over the final print . 
on top of that debacle , the whole end of the film is an anticlimatic sequence in scaramanga's " funhouse " . 
the only good thing that came out of this movie was that the producers had to make the next film in the series ( the infinitely superior " the spy who loved me " ) a great film in order for the bond franchise to survive .
this movie is based off the wildly popular video-game series of the same name . 
before this film , the game had a few spin-off cartoons- which were ok . 
but the idea of doing a movie is insane . 
it should have been animated , if it should have been done at all . 
instead the people do the best they can with a talented cast . 
yet it still fails . 
the plot is completely different from the game's plot- i'm not complaining about that . 
the story involves the mario bros . having a plumbing business in brooklyn and having to compete with a rival company . 
eventually they find a construction site by their nemesis , which happens to be enviromentally un-safe . 
so , due to luigi's ( john leguizamo ) girlfriend - princess daisy - they go and investigate . 
they get transported to a blade runner-esque world lead by king koopa ( dennis hopper ) . 
somehow a plot dealing with all the dinosaurs being mutated and transported to an alternate futuristic mega-city jumbles in . 
the plot is fine- better than the movie deserves . 
the acting is ok . 
this seems to be more of a visual film . 
the special effects are good , especially on the robotic yoshi . 
however the film drags and is no fun . 
and it leaves itself open to a sequel , which probably won't ever be made . 
this movie begins sort of promising , but ends up leaving a weird taste in your mouth . 
so if you want to watch a sort of odd movie starring the excellent dennis hopper , then watch super mario bros . : 
the movie . 
you could do worse . 
but you could definitely do better . . . 
 . 
street fighter : the movie ( 1995 ) starring : raul julia and jean claude van-damme 
this movie was based off of a series of never ending sequels to a game called street fighter 2 . it has all the characters from the game in a reasonable plot . 
it is more like a " movie " than it should be . 
yes , it's watchable . 
raul julia does a good job , considering this was his final film . 
while the game had non-stop fighting sequences , this movie is a hodge-podge of action scenes and flashy sets and costumes while trying to show off a plot at the same time . 
does it work ? 
sort of . . . 
the plot involves the evil shadowloo organization run by m . bison ( raul julia ) . 
guile ( jean claude van-damme ) takes his troops to attack bison's main base in an attempt to liberate the innocent villages he has taken over . 
in a short amount of time , the movie introduces several characters well . 
it catches your attention . 
but it ultimately seems like a showcase for fans of the game so you can point out things like " there's chun li ! ! " 
or " look at that fire-ball ryu did at vega " . 
it hits the bases by presenting the characters in a plot with good sets , but goes no further . 
this movie needed more action in the first place . 
the action scenes that are here are short and not very exciting . 
if you like light-hearted action flicks , or if you liked the game , watch this one . 
it is even worth watching if you want to see raul julia's last performance , or if you can't get enough of van damme . 
other than that , you could find better action flicks . 
 .
in the past , tim burton has taken cinema by storm with the action packed batman , and the hilarious ed wood , but lately his films just don't cut it . 
sleepy hollow has some unique features , but the script is a terrible mess . 
for those who remember disney's fantastic " adventures of ichabod crane " , it is actually superior to this . 
disney's version was at least interesting , while burton's film drags on far too long , without any suspense or frights . 
while the stories are similar , the new version adds too much to the once likable story , and throws in some weak dialogue to top it off . 
ichabod crane ( johnny depp ) is now apparently a constable , who was sent to new york to investigate suspicious murders . 
the victims are headless , and no traces of evidence were found , until the murderer reveals himself , hence the headless horseman . 
now with the help of christina ricci and an orphaned boy , they must stop the headless horseman from a killing spree , that could destroy the whole town of sleepy hollow . 
sure the headless horseman is an intriguing character , but the story has so many holes that even he nor depp can save this disaster . 
in the original , the headless horseman was meant to be unstoppable . 
no one could stop him , not even ichabod . 
by the end of the film , it had audiences in deep thought . 
burton however concentrates far too much on the atmosphere , and how to make the main characters heroes . 
he takes no risk what so ever , and this is where he fails . 
another pathetic element of the film was the script . 
like i said earlier , he just stuffed too much in at one time , and made it look real sloppy , kind of like the mess the headless horseman made with his victims . 
he completely butchered the story to pieces . 
thankfully there are a few factors that i particularly liked . 
the acting by depp was quite notable . 
he took the nerdy character of the cartoon , and simply acted it out in a better manner . 
if it wasn't for his quirky one-liners , i doubt i could have remained awake , because quite frankly i was getting sleepy . 
just when i thought christina ricci was getting to be a good actress , she winds up doing this . 
it just goes to show no actress or actor can pass up a big blockbuster . 
it's too tempting to let go , even if the script is mush . 
the atmosphere too was quite involving . 
i should have just gazed at the sets , and the eerie fog , rather than actually pay attention to what was going on . 
at least burton's films are eye candy , even if they are trash . 
the only real scenes of value were the tree full of heads , and the fight between the horseman , depp and casper van dien . 
other than that , i wish i could just fast forward through all the gaping holes in the film , and just sit back and stare at the scenery . 
by the end , i can only think back and laugh at how bad sleepy hollow developed . 
this is the biggest disappointment of the year , especially when such a talented director like burton handles a project like this . 
don't waste your time or money , because your head will feel hollow .
i wish more films would take on issues of faith and morality in the modern world . 
and i wish that film-makers would use commandments as a blueprint on how _not_ to do it . 
writer/director daniel taplitz has created a bizarre conglomeration of satire and soul-searching in this tale of seth warner ( aidan quinn ) , a man of faith who runs into a streak of bad luck which usually inspires country-western lyrics : his pregnant wife drowns , his home is destroyed by a tornado , he loses his job and his dog is crippled by a bolt of lightning . 
convinced that god has broken his half of the covenant , seth decides to break his , and sets out to turn every " thou shalt not " of the ten commandments into a " thou shalt " ( and vice versa ) . 
his wife's sister rachel ( " friends " ' courteney cox ) wants to help seth ; rachel's selfish husband harry ( anthony lapaglia ) , who tends to break a few commandments of his own , thinks seth is a lunatic . 
thus begins a film which picks the wrong tone for every occasion . 
taplitz isn't interested in treating seth's tragedies as genuinely tragic , making it impossible to sympathize with him . 
composer joseph vitarelli provides a score full of whimsical woodwinds , turning seth's sacrilegious mission into an amusing lark ; quinn's performance as seth is all wild-eyed fervor without any genuine pain . 
the actual breaking of the commandments is almost treated as an afterthought , with one through five dispatched in a five-minute montage . 
the result is a character whose actions feel less like the authentic responses of an anguished man than the machinations of a high-concept movie plot . 
it's not even entirely clear that commandments is about seth . 
corporate attorney rachel is given a case which is supposed to soften a hard heart we see no indication she has , while harry gets his comeuppance as part of seth's " false witness . " 
only courteney cox strikes a note of reality in a solid performance ; she is sane center around which too equally troubled men revolve . 
even she can't force taplitz to decide whose story this is , or what we should have learned about dealing with the struggles in our lives and our relationship with the infinite . 
by the time seth makes a singularly biblical reappearance late in the film , it has become clear that taplitz is aiming for a fantastical fable which makes no connection with real human experience . 
commandments is a bad comedy which could have been a decent drama if daniel taplitz had had the guts to take faith -- and the loss thereof -- at all seriously .
capsule : a wild jungle woman and an 11-story gorilla are discovered in tibet and taken to hong kong where the gorilla escapes and causes havoc . 
this is a laughable 1977 rip off of king kong ( 1976 ) , itself a rip-off . 
production values are low and audiences seem to like the film mostly for derisive laughter . 
 , high -2 ( -4 to +4 ) 
- directed by ho meng-hua . 
- this film is provided to be a sort of laughing stock to finish the festival . 
- an earthquake uncovers an 11-story tall gorilla in the himalayas . 
a hunter , chosen because he just broke up with his girl and is at loose ends , gets sent to find the ape and finds a sort of female tarzan who controls the ape . 
- evelyne kraft is the jungle girl in a leather bikini that she is pasted into so she always looks on the verge of bouncing out of . 
- gorilla actor has no idea how gorillas move and suit is terrible . 
nice miniature effects , however . 
- has almost a music video inside it of jungle girl playing with animals like chi-chi the leopard . 
- several places there is narrative that is nearly incoherent as if there are missing scenes and the viewer has to guess what happened in the interim . 
- actual location shooting in mysore . 
ape shown badly matted behind temple . 
- combining of images usually pretty bad . 
incompetent matching of film stocks . 
- stock footage frequently used . 
- gorilla brought to hong kong by greedy entrepreneur who really abuses the ape before it escapes and tears things up real good .
topless women talk about their lives falls into that category that i mentioned in the devil's advocate : movies that have a brilliant beginning but don't know how to end . 
it begins by introducing us to a selection of characters who all know each other . 
there is liz , who oversleeps and so is running late for her appointment , prue who is getting married , geoff , liz's boyfriend , neil , her previous boyfriend , ant who has written a screenplay . 
for the first hour , we get to know these people through everyday activities , as they talk on the phone , go out to dinner , hang clothes on the line . 
the interactions seem so truthful and guileless that it is almost as if the film-makers hid cameras around the place and filmed these people unbeknownst to them . 
at times , the events border on the ridiculous , like the screening of the film , but they still seem in keeping with the characters and their lives . 
this doesn't sound like a brilliant premise for a film - " we just follow a lot of people around who are vaguely related " - but it's the execution of the idea that makes topless women talk about their lives so engrossing . 
unfortunately this level of honesty isn't maintained . 
with about half an hour to go , a sense of impending doom invades topless women talk about their lives and from there is descends into melodrama . 
such a disappointment after such a brilliant start . 
the actors are all quite good with ms . danielle cormack as liz being particularly impressive . 
the energy of her character is palpable and is a major reason the movie is so watchable . 
a lot of the performances are a bit rough around the edges but this suits totally the documentary feel of the film . 
it seems like these are real people we are watching rather than actors playing roles . 
that is why the melodramatic turn of events comes as such a shock . 
up till that point , i was transported to this world where these real but mildly insane events were taking place . 
while the final half hour is not beyond the realms of possibility , it's unlikely in a way that is jarring to someone caught up in the world of the film . 
not just the events , but also the tone of some of the end is wrong , clashing strongly with the sense of fun that has preceded it . 
this is not to say that topless women talk about their lives is not a good film . 
as stated above , the first hour is superb and even the end is above average . 
it just takes a turn which means that an otherwise brilliant movie loses some of its gloss .
beware of movies with the director's name in the title . 
take " john carpenter's ghosts of mars " ( please ) . 
if the carpenter brand name wasn't superglued to the title , this embarrassment would surely have bypassed theaters entirely and gone straight to its proper home on the usa network . 
and i would have been spared a headache . 
the latest from the director of " starman , " " halloween " and " escape from new york " is a lousy western all gussied up to look like a futuristic horror flick . 
the production is set on mars in 2176 , where humanity looks for relief from the overpopulation strangling their home world . 
six hundred and forty thousand people in a matriarchal society live and work at outposts all over the red planet , terra-forming to make it more hospitable for future generations . 
a matriarchal society . 
terra-forming . 
sounds pretty intriguing , eh ? 
well , don't get your hopes up .