Cubs fans welcome to Washington D.C. â America's skin tag!
George Washington
First up  as the National League Division Series begins Friday night  the Cubs face the Washington Nationals. The Nationals play in  Washington   D.C.  better known as our nationâs capital or âNot the one thatâs a nice place to visit  the other  Washington .â
 The city  is wedged between Maryland and Virginia and was built in the 1790s atop a sprawling and heavily haunted pauperâs cemetery.  It  was founded by Douglas Cornhustler  a British entrepreneur who made his fortune promising people things he never actually provided.
Political pressure from  President George Washington âs super PAC led Cornhustler to name the new city âWashington â but he was allowed to add his initials â D.C. â thanks to a âdonationâ of a dozen squirrel pelts to James Madison.
While Cornhustler hoped to turn the area into a hotbed of erotic petticoat peep shows   Washington  quickly filled up with politicians eager to get away from their families and watch erotic petticoat peep shows.
 The burgeoning city  became home to the federal government and Washington  D.C.  became an intellectually vacant city known for  its  primary export: hypocrisy.
Because nobody wanted to claim  it   the land  Washington  was built on was declared a federal district and not a state  earning  it  a popular motto: Americaâs Skin Tag.
Currently home to an angry orange potato and thousands of people who get paid to not do much of anything   Washington  regularly finds  itself  topping lists like âMost Popular Places to Despiseâ and âFamily Vacation Destinations Your Children Will Hate.â
 The city  is so repellent that  its  baseball team has run away two times since 1901  with one team so desperate to get out that  it  moved to Texas  a state that perpetually smells like stale beer and dead rodeo clowns.
While the Nationals have played well of late  the team has yet to win a playoff series  and attending games is only the fifth-most popular activity in  Washington   following philandering  lying  legislating womenâs bodies and eating human flesh. (Did I mention D.C.âs cannibalism problem?)
First up  as the National League Division Series begins Friday night  the Cubs face the Washington Nationals. The Nationals play in  Washington   D.C.  better known as our nationâs capital or âNot the one thatâs a nice place to visit  the other  Washington .â
 The city  is wedged between Maryland and Virginia and was built in the 1790s atop a sprawling and heavily haunted pauperâs cemetery.  It  was founded by Douglas Cornhustler  a British entrepreneur who made his fortune promising people things he never actually provided.
Political pressure from  [TGT]  âs super PAC led Cornhustler to name the new city âWashington â but he was allowed to add his initials â D.C. â thanks to a âdonationâ of a dozen squirrel pelts to James Madison.
While Cornhustler hoped to turn the area into a hotbed of erotic petticoat peep shows    [TGT]   quickly filled up with politicians eager to get away from their families and watch erotic petticoat peep shows.
 The burgeoning city  became home to the federal government and  [TGT] D.C.  became an intellectually vacant city known for  its  primary export: hypocrisy.
Because nobody wanted to claim  it   the land   [TGT] was built on was declared a federal district and not a state  earning   [TGT]   a popular motto: Americaâs Skin Tag.
Currently home to an angry orange potato and thousands of people who get paid to not do much of anything    [TGT]   regularly finds   [TGT]   topping lists like âMost Popular Places to Despiseâ and âFamily Vacation Destinations Your Children Will Hate.â
 The city  is so repellent that  its  baseball team has run away two times since 1901  with one team so desperate to get out that  it  moved to Texas  a state that perpetually smells like stale beer and dead rodeo clowns.
While the Nationals have played well of late  the team has yet to win a playoff series  and attending games is only the fifth-most popular activity in   [TGT]    following philandering  lying  legislating womenâs bodies and eating human flesh. (Did I mention D.C.âs cannibalism problem?)