Patton Oswalt: Falling In Love Again Was Like 'Getting Hit By Lightning Twice'
PATTON OSWALT
(SOUNDBITE OF COMEDY SPECIAL  "PATTON OSWALT: ANNIHILATION")
PATTON OSWALT : I'm genuinely - I'm genuinely surprised that you're in such a good mood  especially with what - I'm sure you guys saw what just went down on Twitter like five minutes ago. Did you - you didn't see? No? I'm kidding. Nothing happened. But that's...
 OSWALT : That's the world we're living in right now  basically - is every - oh  (expletive). What did he do? What? Wait. What do you mean?
 OSWALT : I almost feel like I could get out of a mugging using that for the next couple of years...
 OSWALT : Yeah. I mean  I - the first time that I went onstage was at the UCB Theatre on Sunset Boulevard. And I went onstage and immediately started talking about my wife passing away and me being in grief. And I was throwing the audience right into this wall of spikes. But I was throwing myself into a wall of spikes in front of them. And it was - it just - I went on stage and immediately froze up feeling - internally  I had voices saying you're being exploitative. You're being shallow and selfish and solipsistic. And every bad thing that people do to put the - because it didn't feel like the focus should be on me. It felt like - because what my focus was  how is this planet still revolving without Michelle McNamara in it? The whole - life - existence felt like an insult to me to be in the world without her.
 OSWALT : I'll tell you about what I'm going - no  we're totally cool with you singing about your pain  but sing about it. That's why we came here. And also we need help. So  you know  it took me a while to start getting towards that.
GROSS: If you're just joining us my guest is  Patton Oswalt . And  he  has a new comedy special that's in part about  his  wife's death. And  he  manages to find a way to talk about that. And it's called "Annihilation." It's on Netflix. We're going to take a short break. We'll be right back. This is FRESH AIR.
(SOUNDBITE OF COMEDY SPECIAL  "PATTON OSWALT: ANNIHILATION")
 OSWALT : I'm going to spend Mother's Day - we'll be at the airport  and we'll travel. And I'll make that day really fun. And I'll fill that with adventure. And I'll keep her mind off it all day. And we'll be home. And we'll deal with this all again next year  step by step. So now we're at the airport. We're walking up to the security gate. I'm like  I think I pulled this off. Here  sweetie - - here's your ticket. Give your - she loves to hand up her ticket. Here it is. So I go here's your ticket. She gives the gate lady her ticket. I give the gate lady my ticket. She's a very old  sweet  Polish woman.
 OSWALT : I never - I'm still so sad. My father never get over it. It broke him. He died alone. And - but when you are sad  what I tell myself is that  also  there are so many other sad people.
 OSWALT : Oh  God.
 OSWALT : Oh  when I experienced it in real time there was not a comedy routine there. There was - my spine turned to ice and my stomach dropped to my feet. And I did not - you know  all I - I immediately began looking at Alice to make sure that she didn't start crying. But then I realized - because then when she looked up at me  I could see  by the way her face was changing  that I was starting to cry. So I had to then turn back to the gate attendant and go  well  thank you very - I'm doing that - I must have looked horrific. I put on one of those rictus smiles to stop yourself from sobbing  and then took her down the jetway and sat in the seat with her.
GROSS: Were you worried at that moment in the airport and then on the plane that you would be kind of crying  your daughter would be crying  and someone would recognize you and say  oh   Patton Oswalt   love your comedy or so sorry about your wife? You probably didn't really want to deal with anybody at that moment.
 OSWALT : No. I was very worried. But luckily  when you're hunched over on a plane crying  I think people are OK. Unless they are the most desensitized person on the planet  they get the keep-away vibe of  oh  give this guy and his daughter their moment. There were - I remember going to the funeral. I was - I didn't talk about this in the act because there's something - it just felt so - I didn't know how to make this funny - but I was waiting at the hotel with all the relatives. And I was waiting to get in the car. And a couple of people came up and said  oh  my god  "King Of Queens" man. Hey  can we get a selfie? And I didn't want to go - like  be mean to them. I was like  oh  OK. But somewhere there's a selfie of me with two very happy people  and my face is just ashen and looks like - I'm sure they're looking and going oh  something was wrong with him that day. And it was literally the day of my wife's funeral.
 OSWALT : Two people in front of a hotel wanted to get a selfie with me. And I didn't know what to do.
 OSWALT : Why would I put - I can't put that on them. It's not their fault  but I...
(SOUNDBITE OF COMEDY SPECIAL  "[TGT] OSWALT: ANNIHILATION")
[TGT] OSWALT : I'm genuinely - I'm genuinely surprised that you're in such a good mood  especially with what - I'm sure you guys saw what just went down on Twitter like five minutes ago. Did you - you didn't see? No? I'm kidding. Nothing happened. But that's...
 OSWALT : That's the world we're living in right now  basically - is every - oh  (expletive). What did he do? What? Wait. What do you mean?
 OSWALT : I almost feel like I could get out of a mugging using that for the next couple of years...
 OSWALT : Yeah. I mean  I - the first time that I went onstage was at the UCB Theatre on Sunset Boulevard. And I went onstage and immediately started talking about my wife passing away and me being in grief. And I was throwing the audience right into this wall of spikes. But I was throwing myself into a wall of spikes in front of them. And it was - it just - I went on stage and immediately froze up feeling - internally  I had voices saying you're being exploitative. You're being shallow and selfish and solipsistic. And every bad thing that people do to put the - because it didn't feel like the focus should be on me. It felt like - because what my focus was  how is this planet still revolving without Michelle McNamara in it? The whole - life - existence felt like an insult to me to be in the world without her.
 OSWALT : I'll tell you about what I'm going - no  we're totally cool with you singing about your pain  but sing about it. That's why we came here. And also we need help. So  you know  it took me a while to start getting towards that.
GROSS: If you're just joining us my guest is  Patton Oswalt . And  he  has a new comedy special that's in part about  his  wife's death. And  he  manages to find a way to talk about that. And it's called "Annihilation." It's on Netflix. We're going to take a short break. We'll be right back. This is FRESH AIR.
(SOUNDBITE OF COMEDY SPECIAL  "PATTON OSWALT: ANNIHILATION")
 OSWALT : I'm going to spend Mother's Day - we'll be at the airport  and we'll travel. And I'll make that day really fun. And I'll fill that with adventure. And I'll keep her mind off it all day. And we'll be home. And we'll deal with this all again next year  step by step. So now we're at the airport. We're walking up to the security gate. I'm like  I think I pulled this off. Here  sweetie - - here's your ticket. Give your - she loves to hand up her ticket. Here it is. So I go here's your ticket. She gives the gate lady her ticket. I give the gate lady my ticket. She's a very old  sweet  Polish woman.
 OSWALT : I never - I'm still so sad. My father never get over it. It broke him. He died alone. And - but when you are sad  what I tell myself is that  also  there are so many other sad people.
 OSWALT : Oh  God.
 OSWALT : Oh  when I experienced it in real time there was not a comedy routine there. There was - my spine turned to ice and my stomach dropped to my feet. And I did not - you know  all I - I immediately began looking at Alice to make sure that she didn't start crying. But then I realized - because then when she looked up at me  I could see  by the way her face was changing  that I was starting to cry. So I had to then turn back to the gate attendant and go  well  thank you very - I'm doing that - I must have looked horrific. I put on one of those rictus smiles to stop yourself from sobbing  and then took her down the jetway and sat in the seat with her.
GROSS: Were you worried at that moment in the airport and then on the plane that you would be kind of crying  your daughter would be crying  and someone would recognize you and say  oh   Patton Oswalt   love your comedy or so sorry about your wife? You probably didn't really want to deal with anybody at that moment.
 OSWALT : No. I was very worried. But luckily  when you're hunched over on a plane crying  I think people are OK. Unless they are the most desensitized person on the planet  they get the keep-away vibe of  oh  give this guy and his daughter their moment. There were - I remember going to the funeral. I was - I didn't talk about this in the act because there's something - it just felt so - I didn't know how to make this funny - but I was waiting at the hotel with all the relatives. And I was waiting to get in the car. And a couple of people came up and said  oh  my god  "King Of Queens" man. Hey  can we get a selfie? And I didn't want to go - like  be mean to them. I was like  oh  OK. But somewhere there's a selfie of me with two very happy people  and my face is just ashen and looks like - I'm sure they're looking and going oh  something was wrong with him that day. And it was literally the day of my wife's funeral.
 OSWALT : Two people in front of a hotel wanted to get a selfie with me. And I didn't know what to do.
 OSWALT : Why would I put - I can't put that on them. It's not their fault  but I...