Follow us: hu Improving life after brain injury Need to talk? 0808 800 2244 Donate Home About brain injury Individuals Brain injury and me Learning to live again Share your story Share your story with us to help others affected by brain injury Deborah Johnston Learning to live again. My story. I wouldn't have been able to write about my experiences with regards to my brain aneurysm before now, as it is now I feel my true emotions and senses are more normalised. I'm not saying I'm back to the person I was, but I'm able to think about my passion for writing in a way I haven't been able to, as it's taken three years for my brain to even think about processing any information and storing it there. I found out I had a brain aneurysm back in 2015 (oops, nearly wrote 1915, I say this because I thought it was 1915 when I woke from surgery, I still get this number blindness). Anyway, I got a letter from radiology asking me to ring my doctor, this I did and the doctor rang me back. I explained the letter to her over the phone and she just blurted out: "You have quite a large Brain Aneurysm and it's going to have to be looked at by someone in a London hospital." Needless to say I was in shock, round a friends house, I was just numb, what a way to hear about something so serious! Was I going to die, was it going to burst (my mother died of a brain heamorrage). Telling my family after I had found out more about it was the hardest thing, it was going to be a risky operation and it was right on the communicating artery. I was referred to Queen's Square National Hospital for Neurology and Neurosurgery in London. They were fantastic, asking me if I want coils and a clip put into head (meaning it will deal with it completely), or coils put through the groin (a risk that more coils may have to be added at a later date). I opted for the groin, it seemed so much easier to me. I found out in the March and had the surgery on 11th September 2015. I was told it could burst at any moment and they wanted me in sooner but I had my son's wedding in the June and my Daughter's first born was due in August. I wanted to share these special moments in case I didn't make it through the operation, but every day was like living with a ticking time bomb in your head, I had to deal with these emotions. The day before I was admitted to hospital I was horrified, there were people screaming in pain, two had brain bleeds and were very poorly. I cried telling my husband Bill I wanted to leave. For the first time ever my husband raised his voice to me telling me I could be in their position (pointing to the patients who were very poorly), if I left I could also be in that condition if it bursts! I listened and settled down for the night. Deborah in hospital Believe it or not I was calm the next morning, Bill held my hand while I was wheeled down, he stayed until I was finally anaesthetised. I woke up in recovery, the lights were very bright, I could hear someone calling my name asking me questions, full name, where was I and what date was it, I replied with 1915, I knew in my head I was right. They were concerned because I couldn't move my left leg, it turns out it was weak because I had laid still for so long and they didn't know about the herniated discs in my back. I knew nothing of this at the time because i was away with fairies so i couldn't tell them, they thought I had a stroke! I found out later that Bill hadn't been told, he was panicking because I was the only one who the nurses hadn't had an update from. I stayed in HDU for three days because I was unable to walk and the photophobia (bright lights), and still in the year 1915! I was discharged a week later, the headaches were a killer, it felt like my head would explode, I was sick of them. I was moody, irritated by others, exhausted and to be honest I felt like I was a different person now. I couldn't watch television at first, or have the main lights on, my sight has been affected, I couldn't even remember things I had just talked about! Three years on I still have short term memory loss, I cannot go out in the sun without really strong sunglasses and even get blindness with them on if the sun is low. I cannot work out change in a shop, so I need help for all these things, my anxiety is bad I was never anxious before. I have a headway card which tells people of my disabilities, I show this to shopkeepers if I'm having a bad day so I don't get embarrassed by telling them I need help. I know I'm a different person now, the healing process has been long and I have been told these disabilities will stay with me for life, do people understand? No, they see you as perfectly well and laugh when I get words jumbled (I laugh along too now), but I do get frustrated inside. I still get really bad headaches too and I like to be left alone to deal with these. Am I pleased mine was found and treated? Yes I am, I am lucky to come through this, some haven't been so lucky, like my poor Mother. Back to stories index Brain aneurysm A brain or cerebral aneurysm occurs when the wall of an artery or blood vessel in the brain is weakened, causing it to swell into a blister-like shape Find out more Effects of brain injury Find out about some of the main difficulties that arise after brain injury, together with some suggestions as to how to deal with them. Find out more Brain Injury Identity Card Our Brain Injury Identity Card provides survivors with added confidence in social situations, while helping them to get the right support if they come into contact with the criminal justice system. Find out more Friends of Headway Individual membership Join/Renew Contact Us t: 0115 924 0800 e: enquiries@headway.org.uk Help us improve life after brain injury. 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