Follow us: hu Improving life after brain injury Need to talk? 0808 800 2244 Donate Home About brain injury Individuals Brain injury and me Paula Stanford Share your story Share your story with us to help others affected by brain injury Paula Stanford Things are going to be different, but they'll still be good. When Richard Symes suffered a stroke in 2012, his partner Paula Stanford worried whether their relationship would survive. As part of our You, me and brain injury campaign, Paula explained that although their relationship has changed, their love remains the same. "Things are different, but they're not necessarily worse," said Paula. "They're just different from how we imagined. It's still a really good, loving relationship. After recovering from a brain aneurysm in 2007, Richard had just retrained as a radiographer and started his first job in a hospital. The couple were about to move in together, and were talking about marriage. "He was really independent and knew what he wanted to do," said Paula. "We were both settled in ourselves and that's when it's easiest to find someone. It was all going in the right direction." But on New Year's Day 2012, Richard suffered a stroke. "It was horrible," said Paula. "I thought he was going to die. Then as he recovered, we believed he would be in a wheelchair for the rest of his life." Richard spent the next eight months recovering in hospital and was left with left-sided weakness. "That was the main thing I was worried about," said Paula. "It was a few weeks before I even became aware of the hidden effects of brain injury." "I was paranoid that one of the nurses would say to me 'you know most relationships don't survive brain injury.' Of course no-one would say that, but I was worried something would go wrong." Although Richard can now walk short distances very slowly, he is unable to move his left arm or bend his left knee. When Richard left hospital, staff arranged for carers to visit regularly to check on him. He now visits Headway East London every Wednesday, attends swimming sessions on a Thursday and gym sessions on a Friday. Paula believes this support has helped them to lead independent lives, which has been a massively help to their relationship. "The visits from the care agency allows me to work full time, and at least three days a week Richard's out and about doing things with the support of his care worker," said Paula. "We do our own things and that helps with the relationship. Without that it would be really hard." Paula believes the distinction between partner and carer is really important for their relationship. "It does make me laugh when people refer to me as his carer," she said. "That's not how we see it. I do have to do stuff for him sometimes but I'm not a carer. "In the first year or so after the stroke people would say 'you're so good for staying with him.' I'm not doing it out of charity! We both get benefits out of the relationship. We love spending time together. "If I could go back and give myself advice I would say 'things are going to be different, but they'll still be good.'" Back to stories index You, me, and brain injury You, Me, and Brain Injury highlights the fact that brain injury doesn’t just affect the individual, but also their family, friends, colleagues, and many more relationships besides. Find out more How brain injury affects partners Find out more Relationships after brain injury Find out more Related resources Brain injury: a guide for partners Relationships after brain injury Friends of Headway Individual membership Join/Renew Contact Us t: 0115 924 0800 e: enquiries@headway.org.uk Help us improve life after brain injury. Donate Improving life after brain injury 0808 800 2244 Call our free helpline 9am - 5pm, Monday to Friday. Or email helpline@headway.org.uk Join our online Community 27k Likes 25k Followers 3k Subscribers Privacy policy Cookies Terms & Conditions Accessibility Contact Us Resource centre Find a Headway Approved care providers Charity shops Fundraising comments, feedback and complaints Vacancies Join our mailing list Headway - the brain injury association is registered with the Charity Commission for England and Wales (Charity no. 1025852) and the Office of the Scottish Regulator (Charity no. SC 039992). Headway is a company limited by guarantee, registered in England no. 2346893. © Copyright Headway 2021 - Site designed and developed by MEDIAmaker By clicking 'Accept All Cookies’ you agree to the storing of cookies on your device. This will help us to offer the best possible experience and develop more of the information you need. Accept All Cookies Cookies Settings