user: I used to work as a Certified Nurse Assistant at this rehabilitation/skilled nursing facility. I just started my shift that afternoon, got endorsements from the previous shift, and prepared myself to meet my residents. One of my residents that day was post-op total knee replacement. I went to her room, introduced myself as her CNA, and asked her if she needed anything before I leave her room. And then, she told me she’s having a hard time using the commode the previous nurses gave her when she was admitted to our facilty as it was very small for her given the fact that she also had a recent TKA (total knee arthroplasty). Because of this, I told her I’ll do my best to look for a commode that will fit her. I looked in our two storage areas and fortunately, I found one that was perfect for her! Voila! I disinfected it really well and returned to her room with her new commode. Her face immediately lighted up when she saw what I was carrying and she started tearing up! Startled by her reaction, I asked her what’s wrong and why was she crying. And then she told me she’s been asking the previous shifts for two days and no one’s bringing the right commode for her. They kept on telling they’re going to bring her a new one, but they probably ended up forgetting her request. She was so ecstatic! I helped her try the commode and it really was perfect for her and she didn’t have a hard time using it. She thanked me so much, and oh, it was mother’s day that day! She told me one of the most touching thing, “happy Mother’s day to your Mom and thank your Mom for me. She raised you really well.” I had no idea a simple commode can bring so much joy to my resident. Small things really do matter! When did the patient begin to cry? - Before her knee surgery - not enough information - Before asking the author for the commode - After the author brought her the commode
After the author brought her the commode

A few times. Mostly whilst doing this job and trying to help drunk people or assholes. Sadly it's becoming a regular occurrence for crews to be assaulted. My last time was a few days ago and the worst thing about it was watching my crew mate and several police officers curl up laughing. I'll set the scene. Imagine. If you will. A large rather expensive hotel. Then add to that image a rather drunk and buxom young lady who is lying on the floor in a drunken slumber after taking off a lot of her clothes. She was just in her underwear. We were called to look after her. On our arrival she was absolutely fine. Stood up, walked to the stretcher and lay down. Whining about how we were the ' oppressors of society', and other such drivel Because I had the cheek to try and give her a tiny bit of dignity by covering her up with a blanket. She didn't want that. We made it to the ambulance without any hassle and started to do the necessary checks we do on every patient. Blood pressure etc etc when out of the blue she decided that she wanted to release her rather large breasts. Try as I might to give her a little bit of dignity she wasn't interested so we just made sure no one could see inside the ambulance. After a few minutes she calmed down so I put the blanket over her. Something I do for almost every patient. Without warning THWACK. she hit my in the face with her boob. Then. As I reeled from this waiting for my brain to catch up and make sense of everything, THWACK she did it again. Right round the face with a large breast!! I turned around to get some support from my colleagues who were crying. Both my crew mate and the officer. Crying. Neither able to speak……….. I didn't know what to say for a while after that…something my crew mate called 'a blessing' Sigh What did the lady wear? - not enough information - her clothes - nothing - a blanket
nothing

"If you can answer three questions," the dog said, "you can wear the magic shoes." Tommy looked up and down the deserted street. "Did you ... say something?" "That's right. Didn't you hear me?" It was a gruff voice, with just a trace of an English accent, and it was definitely coming out of the dog. "You're a dog." In fact it was a huge, fat bulldog, with big flaps of skin hanging off the sides of its face. From where it sat, on the front steps of the abandoned motel, it looked Tommy straight in the eye. "That's correct," the dog said. Tommy stared hard at the dusty windows of the motel office. "This is a trick, right? There's a TV camera back there and you want to make me look stupid." "No tricks, Tommy. Just three questions." "C'mon," Tommy said. He deepened his voice. "Sit up." The dog stared at him. "Roll over. Play dead." "Cut the crap, Tommy. Do you want the shoes or not?" "Let me see 'em." The dog shifted its weight to one side, revealing a battered pair of red Converse All-Stars. "Yuck," Tommy said. "Those are gross." "Maybe," the dog said, "but they're magic." "What are the questions?" "Which of the following presidents died in office? Lincoln, McKinley, F.D.R.?" "C'mon. They all did. That's the same dumb question they use when they're trying to sell you a free portrait on the telephone." "Which weighs more, a pound of feathers or a pound of lead?" "They both weigh a pound. This is stupid. Next you're going to ask me who's buried in Grant's Tomb." The dog narrowed its eyes. "Have you done this before?" "Ulysses S. Grant," Tommy said. "Lemme see the shoes." They were just his size and felt pretty good, even though they were scuffed up and the metal things were gone out of the side vents. "I don't feel any different," Tommy said. "You need the shoes to look for the treasure," the dog said. "What treasure?" "When you're wearing the shoes, you can open the doors of the motel rooms." Why didn't Tommy like the shoes - they're red converse All-Stars - they're battered - not enough information - they're gross


assistant: they're gross