user: Problem: Write a positive yelp review.
A: This is the greatest bagel shop. Breakfast sandwiches are awesome. If you are there at lunch try a reuben, you will thank me later. Great staff. Love it.

Problem: Write a negative yelp review.
A: So, not following my own advice (ahem, NEVER RETURN), I returned here for a friend's birthday dinner a few months ago (I super love this person so how could I say no?). HA! Big mistake. Also, fair warning: there are several-a-CAPS-LOCK ahead.  The only pleasant thing about the evening was the reservation and seating were right on time for our large group (15 people). And of course because we were celebrating a super special person.  I'll keep this update short and sweet:  $3 for a CAN OF SODA? Get real. I knew it'd be overpriced but I was at least expecting a mini bottle or something. But a can? COME ON. You bought that in bulk and paid .03342 cents for it. FAIL.  Your servers: IDIOTS. First it takes our server 15 minutes to come around the first time and take drink orders. Then she's back another 15 minutes after that taking the orders again. Did you forget? Were you not paying attention the first time we around? Why did it take 30 minutes just to order drinks? And on top of that we wait another 15 to receive them. FORTY-FIVE MINUTES TO RECEIVE DRINKS IS BAD. Very, very bad.   Also, not taking food orders until after we've been seated for ONE HOUR is BAD. VERY, VERY BAD. Seated at 8 o'clock, we didn't receive our food until almost TEN O'CLOCK. TWO HOURS FOR FOOD IS VERY, VERY BAD. Do you hear that, St. Francis? BAD.  Because I loathed the place even before this lovely birthday dinner, and because the thought of supporting such an establishment makes my blood boil, I ordered only dessert and the hubs ordered an appetizer (and add on a $3 can soda). Funny, that our bill was still nearly $30 for the both of us. Excluding tip. BAD.  Also, server: If you say you're not going to split a check, stick to your word or don't even try. Now, I'M glad you didn't stick to your stingy "I don't split checks", because I could foresee the mess of trying to split a $700 bill with 13 people I didn't know so well. Lucky for us, when we told you we were leaving early and asked for our check, you split it for us. A couple others caught on and did the same, but the remaining 7-8 people were not so lucky.   Because I realize my short and sweet is not so short anymore (or sweet, for that matter), I'm ending it here. NOTE TO SELF: heed own advice and stay away from St. Francis!

Problem: Write a negative yelp review.
A:

assistant: I really wanted to like this place. I like continental caf\u00e9s where one can eat fresh pastries and drink coffee. Over priced, stale almond 'croissant'. More like over sized stale bread, most definitely once frozen on the inside (that weird texture and taste). Almond paste was ok, but this is often bought as a pre-made paste so no surprises here.  The quality of patisserie valerie in London, Bristol and Cambridge is far superior to that of patisserie valerie in Edinburgh. I shall not be returning.  If you want good pastries go to: la barantine in bruntsfield, the wee boulangerie on south clerk street or falko in bruntsfield. For beautiful french  macaroons and cakes go  to Patisserie madaleine in stockbridge. For great pastries and cakes, the chocolate tree in bruntsfield, jo jo's danish bakery near the royal mile and peters yard near george square/or the new branch in stockbridge. Do not waste your money and patisserie valerie's.