user: Does your love life need a wingman?

(LifeWire) -- Many men are not natural-born charmers when it comes to talking to women they find attractive. It's hard work sounding witty and engaging when you're fighting back nerves.

Some men need a bit of help in finding dates.

One thing that can assist a socially shaky bachelor is a wingman -- another man who provides support and cover the way Navy fighter pilots protected each other in the 1986 film "Top Gun," which is credited with popularizing the term.

As Mystery, the self-styled Casanova and host of the VH1 show "The Pickup Artist" explains, a wingman can help attract a woman at a bar or a club -- he's someone who will talk you up, make the introduction and even help you get her phone number.

But not every guy is well-suited for being a wingman, says Ron Geraci, 37, a New York City-based relationships expert and author of "The Bachelor Chronicles." Here is a checklist of qualities to look for in an effective wingman -- and a few tips on which buddies to avoid.

1. You're the man, and don't you forget it. The wingman's primary job is to assist you, not be the center of attention.

"You want your wingman to be somebody who makes you feel like you're a really successful, fun person," says Geraci. Your wingman should make you feel like chatting up the woman of your dreams is not out of reach.

But beware the pal with an overt salesman pitch -- women can smell a guy on the prowl.

2. You are your wingman. Pick your company wisely -- if you're hanging out with an unsavory crowd, most women will assume you're just like them. Going out with a group of wingmen, for example, is a tricky bet.

"The problem with groups is that there is a much greater potential for someone to make an ass of themselves, and that sullies you," says Geraci.

Boozy buddies from your fraternity days, womanizing misogynists and lewd joke-tellers are red-flag candidates -- you don't want to spend the majority of your conversation apologizing for your drunken friend's behavior. Moreover, having a group of single guys as your wingmen increases the chances of competition instead of support.

Your best bet for wingman is anyone who will not be directly vying for the pilot's seat, such as men already in a relationship, or women. In fact, a woman can be one of the most effective wingmen for a bachelor, Geraci says.

"If you are there with a stunning woman, other women will gauge your mate value from that." Web sites like Wingwomen.com, which pairs struggling bachelors with female wingmen, attest to the power of female help.

3. Be on the same page. If you're seeking a woman with long-term potential, avoid employing a wingman whose dating philosophy is significantly less mature than yours. While it's imperative that your wingman be your biggest fan, he shouldn't have an "us versus them" mentality or encourage one-night stands.

4. Channel Oprah. All conversations inevitably hit dry spots, especially when both parties have only been introduced moments beforehand. When you're at a loss for words, that's when a smooth-talking wingman needs to pick up the slack. The most effective wingmen are personable and able to converse on a variety of topics with ease.

5. No backseat bachelors. A wingman's purpose is to help you approach women, not to serve his needs.

"You don't want a wingman who's an opportunist," Geraci says. "They have to have your best interest in mind and know how to get scarce when they need to be." That means when the bachelor is ready to fly solo, the wingman should be prepared to bail out. E-mail to a friend

LifeWire provides original and syndicated lifestyle content to Web publishers. Jocelyn Voo is a freelance journalist and relationships editor at the New York Post.

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Summary: Many men are not natural-born charmers when it comes to talking to women they find attractive. It's hard work sounding witty and engaging when you're fighting back nerves.


10 Ideas That Make A Difference

In the days of the Arab Spring, we were all intoxicated by the sight of millions gathered in public squares to protest dictatorial governments. We hoped this would culminate in liberal democracy in the Arab world. Two years later, it’s clear the prospects in the region are mixed. It turns out the key is not people power but paper power; the focus should be less on elections and more on constitutions.

This should have been clear to anyone who looked at the history of transitions to democracy. While many former Eastern Bloc countries have become liberal democracies, the 15 former Soviet republics have not fared as well. Nine are dictatorships, and the other three — Georgia, Ukraine and Moldova — are, in the words of Stanford scholar Larry Diamond, “illiberal, even questionably democratic and unstable.”

Why? There is a vigorous academic debate about the conditions that allow democracy to flourish. The most powerful single correlation remains one first made by the social scientist Seymour Martin Lipset, who pointed out in 1959 that “the more well-to-do a nation, the greater the chances that it will sustain democracy.” But there are other intriguing correlations. Countries in Europe, even relatively poor ones, have done better than others. Former British colonies have done better than those of other countries.

(MORE: Zakaria: How Democracy Can Work in the Middle East)

Along with several others, I have argued that countries with strong traditions of the rule of law tend to develop a democratic culture that also protects individual rights. In the West, for example, legal protections for life, liberty and property developed in the 17th and 18th centuries. Only much later came universal adult suffrage. Liberty preceded democracy, not the other way around. What distinguishes the U.S. is not how democratic it is but rather how undemocratic it is, with an unelected Supreme Court, a Senate that is one of the two least representative upper legislative bodies in the world and a Constitution and Bill of Rights that expressly limit the power of a democratically elected government.

Poor developing countries should place an even greater weight on the rule of law. It’s crucial that before the first elections, before politicians gain enormous legitimacy through the polls, a system be put in place that limits governmental power and protects individual liberty and the rights of minorities.

In Iraq and Egypt, people power took precedence over paper power. Occupation authorities in Iraq were forced to hold early elections that empowered Shi‘ite religious parties with ties to Iran and an appetite for authoritarianism. In Egypt the best-organized (though not overwhelmingly popular) political force, the Muslim Brotherhood, won at the polls and seems uninterested in genuine liberal democracy.

(MORE: Who’s Afraid of the Egyptian Constitution?)

Compare those misfortunes with those of two small Arab monarchies: Morocco and Jordan. In 2011 both countries enacted constitutional reforms that transferred some of the King’s powers to an elected legislature. National elections in both countries have brought Islamists to the forefront, but they must share power and exist within a system that respects certain rights and rules. Of course, both countries remain authoritarian — but if they keep moving forward on reforms, they might end up providing their citizens with stability, the rule of law and finally liberal democracy.

The lessons of the past suggest that the next country moving from dictatorship to democracy should first work to get its constitution right and only then hold elections. After all, the U.S. ratified its constitution in 1788; only after that, nearly a year later, came its first presidential election.

Summary:

assistant: They can be as huge as a new constitution or as tiny as a medical microchip. In this special report, TIME explores innovations that are changing the way we work, live, pray and play