user: Input: Distant sisters can’t manage to connect
Q. I have a sister who is much younger than I am. I’m now in my late 30s, she’s in her early 20s, and we live on opposite sides of the country.

Because of the difference in age, we never really connected much as we were growing up. It has only been recently that we began exchanging e-mails or connecting on social media.

She casually mentioned that she’d like to come visit, so I offered to pay for her airfare and hotel, and then sent her the money.

She gladly accepted, and then a few days later sent me an e-mail asking if she could bring a friend along with her, because her friend had never been to this part of the country before.

I was bothered by this, and told her no, that I’d prefer it if it was just her, and that I wanted the two of us to spend some time together for once in our lives.

I got a surprisingly angry response, where she told me that she’s no longer planning on visiting, because I was clearly not welcoming to her friend, and she didn’t want to be around my “negativity.”

She made no mention of the money that I sent her, and has not responded to any subsequent e-mails, calls, or text messages since.

I told our mother about this, and her response was that she would reimburse me for the money herself, and to basically “drop it” to preserve the peace.

Even after declining her offer, she seems to want me to forget this entire thing. This bothers me on so many levels. Any suggestions on how to respond?

A. My instinct is that one reason your sister responded the way she did is because your mother would rather clean up her mess than dive in to mediate and correct her.

I think you should consider conveying to your sister (you might want to “cc” your mother): “Mom offered to reimburse me for the money I sent you. I was too embarrassed by your behavior to accept this from mom, but you should consider the consequence of your choices. I hope you’ll be brave enough to visit another time.”

Q. We are four grown siblings just back from a week’s vacation with our extended family, including our dad (70s) and his girlfriend “Jenny” (60s).

We’ve always tolerated Jenny as an exclusive companion to our dad since our mom died a few years ago, especially since we all live in other cities. Our dad and she are not married, but they have dated for several years and go everywhere together. She seems to desperately want to be a part of our family.

In recent years, our tolerance toward Jenny has worn thin. In a group vacation house of several adults and kids, she never lifts a finger nor does she offer to pay for anything. She dominates conversations. We have suggested to our dad that he just come alone, but his response has been that “she’ll want to come.” Friends have advised us to bear with her because we may appreciate having her in his life in the future.

We don’t want to squash the relationship — just end these painful vacations with her. How do we tell her and our dad that we don’t want to include her on the next family vacation? Right now, it is just assumed she will go along everywhere we go. Any suggestions for doing this successfully? Frustrated

A. “Jenny” should be considered your father’s partner, and so yes, she will go where he goes. If she is not included, your father may want to stay home. The risk is that you will erect a wall between your father and yourselves.

You should try to deal directly with Jenny. Tell her that she is a de facto family member and so the same things expected of other family members will be expected of her. Any shared costs, chores, or duties associated with this vacation should be shared equally. Otherwise, yes, you will have to tolerate her.

Q. I’m responding to the question from “Probably Overprotective Mom,” who was concerned if her son had fathered a child with his unstable ex.

This woman needs to better parent her son! She shouldn’t be instructing him how to get out of this responsibility; she should be guiding him through it. He seems like a real winner and maybe his ex is better off without him.UPSET

A. Many readers agree with you.
What was this article about?
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It's about: She sent her sister money to visit and then her sister bailed.


Input: Cops arrest Tenn. man for illegal selfie on Brooklyn Bridge
Monday, August 17, 2015, 6:10 PM

His selfie stick got him stuck in jail.

A thrill-seeking Tennessee tourist who sought the perfect self-portrait by trespassing on a Brooklyn Bridge beam was arrested in his home state on Monday, a police source said.

David Karnauch, 21, was picked up in Chattanooga early Monday and was being held as a fugitive from New York, the source said. He was wanted on a charge of reckless endangerment in the second degree.

The shutterbug had snapped a picture of himself standing on an off-limits beam on the bridge with the East River to his right and vehicular traffic just feet below on his left in late June. He later posted the picture on Instagram.

His mugshot was posted on the Hamilton County Sheriff’s Office website Monday. His next court date is listed as Aug. 31.

Police said Karnauch had accessed the bridge from the pedestrian walkway. Top brass at the time characterized the stunt as trespassing, but said it did not constitute a security breach.

“The person most endangered was the individual whose goal seems to be bringing attention to himself. It was however, irresponsible and illegal,” John Miller, the Deputy Commissioner of Intelligence and Counterterrorism said in a statement at the time of the stunt. “Had the officers patrolling the bridge arrived while he was there, he would have been arrested, as others have been.”
What was this article about?
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It's about:

assistant: A thrill-seeking Tennessee man who sought the perfect selfie by trespassing on a Brooklyn Bridge beam was arrested in his home state Monday.