##  December 2014

Ja well no fine, this month we have a few stories to share so let’s get on with it. As you all know we have a few people named Breytenbach in our club. This report however has a bumper issue with just the one family, and that is the manager, Wynand Breytenbach and his wife Ansie.  
During the away weekend at Kaapse Hoop the guys & girls had an enjoyable evening with the food and drinks that were on offer the Friday evening. When it got to bed time Wynand went through the envelope he got at the entry table. Reading all the material including the A 4 size flyer he got. Now Wynand had a job the next morning to drop some of the athletes off at their starting points before he himself had to make his way to his own race.   
And then the shock hit him!!! They have changed the route!!!! The starting points of all three distances have changed!!! Wynand immediately checked against the routes he had on his cell phone. That confirmed it - even the GPS co-ordinates were different. Now this had an impact on the travelling time to the different starting points and alarm bells were ringing for Wynand. While he was getting dressed and ready to go and talk to Pieter Olivier regarding this sudden shocking information, Ansie asked what is going on? He gave her the flyer and said, “look, they have changed the route and I am not sure how many members realised they have changed the route”!  
Ansie looked at Wynand and remarked ever so matter of fact like, yes this is a race for February next year. Now I did not count the number of beers Wynand had, nor did I observe that salt that he added to his meal, but something, I don’t know what, had this strange affect on Wynand, that he thought it was the info for the next day’s race. Sorry Mr Manager, but I just had to share this with the rest of the club.  
I am sure you have all seen the pictures of the Halloween party the club had at the Kaapse Hoop away weekend. It was a dress up affair and I want to point out one person, Arno Smit. Now Arno dressed up like a hunchback. I am sure Quasimodo would have been jealous if he saw Arno. Many year ago when we were all a bit younger, near where Ansie Breytenbach lived used to be a man with a hunchback.   
He used to walk the streets and when he saw children staring at him he would stick out his tongue and pull his thumb across his throat as if to cut it. This scared the daylights out of the kids and to this day Ansie still gets rattled if she sees a man with a hunchback. Needless to say, Ansie did not enjoy the Halloween party as she could not even look at Arno. Sis on you Arno, it was like “Goggo maak vir baba bang”!  
My next story unfortunately also has Ansie as the star of the show with Wynand playing the supporting role. As you may or may not be aware off, Wynand is Ansie’s trainer. The Thursday before the Liqui fruit race Wynand had to attend a race committee meeting. Not too long ago Wynand & Ansie moved to a new house, and Ansie is not too familiar with the surrounding areas. Normally Wynand rides his bicycle behind Ansie when she trains, but on that Thursday Ansie had to fly solo. Wynand reiterated what routes she should take for safety reasons and should anything happen he would know where to go and search.  
Like many woman, and especially blondes, this information was not stored but the delete button activated as Wynand was still speaking. Ansie, being a big girl decided she knows the area well enough to broaden her horizons during the run. When she eventually realized that she no longer recognises anything familiar, she turned back and tried to retrace her route. Now most people get turning left & right mixed up, Ansie was no exception and soon it became clear to her she did not know which way to run. Adrenalin started to rise and the speed increased.  
When Wynand, after a protracted meeting eventually got home well after dark, he walked into the house finding Ansie at home but well exhausted as she just got home herself. I guess we can start calling Ansie Alice in Wonderland from now on. When poor old Alice met up with Cheshire Puss and complained that she was lost, Cheshire Puss asked her where she was going and Alice answered I don’t know. To this Cheshire Puss then answered, then it doesn’t matter because you can never be lost. Look on the bright side Ansie, sorry Alice, if you don’t know where you are running you will never get lost.  
This story has Wynand in the supporting role but the main actor is unknown. This again proves that we are never too old to learn. Wynand was leaving the premises of ARC after supervising the mowing of the club’s lawn and a few other general manager duties. Around the 6 kilo time trial mark a speeding car with warning flashers and headlights being flashed waved Wynand to a stop.   
This driver was very anxious and somewhat incoherent. In his car he had an injured Egyptian goose (Afrikaanse Kolgans). This man demanded from Wynand “where are the people that work with these injured birds” Wynand somewhat flabbergasted answered he does not know. The next question from the driver “Is this not ARC?” Wynand answered in the affirmative. The driver then was on the point of losing it. Well how come the Animal Rescue Centre cannot help this injured bird?   
Wynand very politely and diplomatically explained that in the main building there may be a veterinarian on duty but the ARC actually stands for Agricultural Research Council, and not Animal Rescue Centre. At least this man’s heart was in the right placed, even if his mind was wondering.  
My last story about the Breytenbach clan is the day Wynand became a celebrity, or shall we not confuse celebrity status with that of fame? A celebrity is someone like a singer, sport star, actor etc. Not everybody will know you unless they have the same interest. But if you are famous, you will be known everywhere in the world, even at the North Pole.  
At the Tom Jenkins race, Wynand, without thinking it through, decided to wear a Father Christmas suit. Because of the extreme heat Wynand did not complete the 10k but took a shortcut across the lawns to the 7k mark with the intention of joining the “bus” on the way to the finish.  
And then, fame played its hand because hundreds of children waiting for their parents saw Father Christmas making his way across the lawns. Within seconds Wynand “Father Christmas” was surrounded by screaming and yelling kids all wanting to know what they are getting for Christmas? Wynand made serious promises on the condition that they must behave and not be naughty, eat their veggies, and clean their rooms and everything a good Father Christmas would say.   
And then conditions got worse for Wynand. The adults alone the route so badly wanted photos with Father Christmas that Wynand had to pose with literally hundreds of spectators and runners. Every person with a cell phone wanted to be on Santa’s side, under his arm, transferring sweat etc onto Santa. Then cars started stopping, and the occupants wanted photos with Santa. Wynand, you became the most photographed person in Gauteng on the day. And let that be lesson not to put on a Santa suit unless you are bringing gifts.   
The following story I have heard via the grape vine so if not all the facts are correct the readers can go and ask the two members in question for the truth. Apparently during the Liqui fruit feedback meeting a few drinks were enjoyed with the meal. Danie Joubert, like an experienced waiter picked up a bottle of wine to pour himself a glass. Much to his surprise, nothing decanted from the bottle that was used just a few moments ago. He looked at the bottle and low and behold there was plenty of wine in this bottle but nothing pouring from the spout. Only then did Danie realise the bottle had a screw top and the last person replaced the top.  
Out of embarrassment Danie took the bottle’s cap and threw it to the floor and stomped on it. This will ensure that nobody can make a fool out of him again. The next person to call for the bottle was none other than Joy. Now we know Joy, like the old Indian that wanted to sell his half blind horse said, she doesn’t look so good. Joy picked up the bottle and wanted to unscrew the cap, but with no success, it just kept on slipping in her grip. After a few attempts Danie informed her there was no cap on the bottle. I am not going to put these actions down to any specific reason; I leave that to our readers.  
Our last story feature some of our older runners/walkers and members not associated with our club. The setting was the Tom Jenkins race, a race that was earmarked as a big prize money race, so all the Irene runners/walkers that usually get a podium position were ready for the cash-in. It is common knowledge that Gerhard v/d Raad can win his age group whenever he feels like it. Bertha however, since turning 70 has also been on the podium of late. During this race when Gerhard went up the steep part of Tom Jenkins road he came across a lady from Randburg Harriers Deirdre Larkin.   
Deirdre was sitting on a rock next to the road and was totally out of it. As Gerhard was passing her, his conscience got the better of him and he turned back and asked if he could help. Gerhard had to take Deirdre by the arm and help her up the hill in order to get her moving. In the mean time Bertha, Gerhard’s better half was struggling up the hill herself, ahead of them at the time. As Gerhard and Deirdre proceeded they caught up with Bertha and passed her, ever so slowly. At the top of the hill Deirdre had recovered sufficiently to start running on her own again. This however resulted in Deirdre who happens to be 80+ be awarded the first prize for the great grand master first lady and Bertha the second in this category.  
The difference between the first & second places would not have mattered so much, but the difference in prize money was one thousand rand! I have it on good authority that the food at the v/d Raad house has never been burned, heavily salted, undercooked, watered down until now. Gerhard, you are not going to live down this one easily.  
Congratulations to the new committee, and don’t be surprised if you feature in my report sooner than later  
Well folks, that’s it for this month, so if I don’t see some of you before the next issue, you must enjoy a peaceful and blessed Christmas, you will read my next report in 2015.  
Cheers vir eers  
  
---