Title: I’m Glad You’re Dead
Description: My name is John Cook, and my life began the day I died.

What would it take for you to sacrifice your soul? As it turns out, watching my family be brutally murdered was all it took for me. Was it worth it? I’ll let you decide…

Fast-forward five centuries, and I’m now the last vampire on Earth, with a robust collection of refined snark, pop culture references, and enough run-on sentences to make an English teacher return my test, face down. Things are going good, but there’s just one teeny tiny problem: I’ve met an angel and personally slayed demons, so I know there’s an afterlife. That being said, I’ve, ahem, control-alt-deleted my fair share of mortals since the 1400s. But I have a good excuse! I was hungies! Regardless, I’m pretty sure that’s frowned upon by the man upstairs. But what to do with a sin-drenched soul that is basically pre-marinated for Hell’s barbecue?

Enter Father Thomes—a modern-day Houston priest with the patience of a saint and the tolerance of a man who’s fought the good fight his entire life. He’s my mentor, my spiritual GPS, and, let’s be honest, the only reason I might have a shot at seeing my family again in the hereafter. Papa T is like Alfred to my Batman, helping guide my preternatural abilities with his sage words and eternal patience. But while Batman avoids killing bad guys, I’m out here personally curating a VIP list for the afterlife—cultists, demons, politicians… you know, the usual suspects.

Just when I start getting the hang of this whole "murder-for-redemption" gig, the universe decides to throw me a curveball: the apocalypse. Heaven and Hell are gearing up for the ultimate showdown, and somehow, I’m on the guest list. So, do I embrace my fate, fight the forces of doom, and maybe, just maybe, save my soul in the process?

Or do I fake my own death, change my name to Todd, and open a blood smoothie bar in the Bahamas?

Decisions, decisions.