Notes of a Tourist on Planet Earth
Subtitle: eing a Collection of Hilarious Essays, Poems and Ponderings About the Human Species
Publisher: Cassowary Press
Published: 2013
Place of publication: Los Angeles, United States
Table of contents: title: Table of Contents (and Discontents); title: Introduction											 1; title: Manners and Mores										 3; title: Reasons for Not Wearing Black; Hope for the Shy; For a Bookstore Clerk; Failed Women’s Perfumes; Failed Men’s Fragrances; Fonts that May Also Serve as Insults; Change of Signals; In a Washroom Stall; An Open Letter; Late Summer Haiku; Aubade; title: History, Science and Politics								 18; title: Mummies; Less Enduring Henges; The Measure of All Things; Least-Feared Gunfighters of the Old West; Count Every Goat; Short-Lived Fields of Endeavor; An Opportunity for the Homeless; Things that Sound Like Religious Ceremonies but Aren’t; My Campaign; The Blame; Body Parts that Zombies Like to Eat Almost as Much as Brains; title: Song and Verse										 42; title: How Peculiar to Know Mr. Smith; My Hoodie; In Which the Author Learns It’s Harder than It Looks; Five Typos; Ode to Joy; My Fetishist Things; Bestiality; title: Stories Told to Me										 53; title: Outnumbered; Back; The Flower Girl; Humiliation; Diary Excerpt; title: The Animal Section										 83; title: Curriculum Canidae; Plant-Animal Hybrids that May Result from Genetic Engineering; Chivalric; The Sleepless Dog Manifesto; Of Flightless Birds; More Plant-Animal Hybrids that Could Result from Genetic Engineering; Proclamation and Manifesto of the ADLF; title: Dinner and a Smoke										 95; title: Rejected Menu Item Proposals for Disney World; As a Matter of Fact . . . ; Worst Soups Ever; The Seafood Selection, 2050; Food, Drink and Condiment Names That May Also Serve as Names of Ecdysiasts and/or Adult Film Stars; Things Not to Say at a Wine Tasting; Names behind Food History; Good Names for Bands, Bad Names for Ice Cream Flavors; Rejected Cigar Brands; title: The Marketing Department 								112; title: A Fan Letter to the Michelin Man; Pre-Flight Announcement; The Great Tuvalu Liquidation Sale; Beyond the Other White Meat; From the Management; All-Time Worst Slogans for Novelty Briefs; Ethanol, Fuelled with Pride; A Mid-List Author’s Dream; Puratia; title: Arts and Culture 										135; title: Responses to Popular Song Lyrics of Recent Decades; A Field Guide to Selected Western Artists; Magazine Titles that Could Also Serve as Cruel and Unusual Punishments; Poetry Open Mic Bingo; Board Games that Never Made It to the Market; The Mimes; Rejected Horror Film Pitches; Goodsonnet; Now Playing; Wordsurf; Things to Do Instead of Shaking It Like a Polaroid Picture; Critical Survey; title: Parting Words, or Maxims for Our Time							152; title: Acknowledgments										153; title: About the Author										155