Fyurie/kaylithbatches — pull request #18 by Ianunaut (2014-10-03 14:31:54+00:00)
Title: Batch QC eps 17-21

ep17
2332 line not found in ep18 (probably remixed from two separate lines),
so i left it as is
2334* NOT edited to fit ep18 (ep18 instance is embedded in dialogue
line)
2337* edited to fit ep18 (also nicer with ellipses)

ep18
0411* edited to fit ep17 (was nicer in preview)
0819 NOT edited to fit ep17 (inconsistency acceptable - emphasis only
really works in ep18 script)
1001* meant to sound informal i guess, but was a bit too eh in my ears
1135* comma splice
1303* why was this italicized?
1540* lowercase "god" because it's not a specific god and certainly not
the judeo-christian god; the indefinite article is the key here; it's
correctly used a couple of lines later
2101* there must have been reason why the alt in the comment was
dismissed, but this line just doesn't work at all; went with a thing
hikari would say
2330* edited to fit ep19 (losing the "ano toki" is okay, the line sounds
nicer this way)
2335* edited to fit ep19 (liking the sound of this, even if it carries
less information)

ep19
0047* adverbs rearranged; time adverb now fronting the sentence,
"clearly" vastly prefers the mid position, right between subject and
verb
0056* two question words back to back: possible, but considered bad
style; doesn't help parse the sentence anyway
0327* comma deleted so it's consistent with the comma usage for "too";
it's the same kind of non-essential sentence-final extra word
0357 technically same as 0047 but i can explain it away when i think of
it as repositioned for emphasis
0551* comma killed, consistency
0609* comma after but to indicate a pause: understandable, but
grammatically super ugh; slightly rewritten (always liked "I guess" for
"...ne?", plus it fits her tone here)
0642* amongst --> among; amongst is the more fancy and more BrE version
0804* added --> submitted, because submit is what you do with
papers/articles for scientific journals; also oceanography is science
0824 not happy with the content here, but i guess it's accurate
0832* added comma to set off appositive phrase that's started with a
comma in 0828
1207 and --> an
1210ish TS issue: i think the sign here read something like
non-alcoholic in the vivid release; care to check and maybe add the
info? i feel their conversation doesn't make enough sense as is
1246 "right now" used in line before, but there's a 10 second pause and
i can't change this without a TLC
1308* {\i1}, pretty sure this is internal (cf difference in tone to
1314)
1310* {\i1}, pretty sure this is internal (cf difference in tone to
1314)
1321* escro (?) wasn't happy with this "some things" thing too, so i
made it sound more broad
1327* edited accordingly
1330* edited accordingly; hate the but+comma construction, so i replaced
it with something else (the "demo..." doesn't always have to be
"but...") and omitted the pause
1500* "grateful" most commonly goes with "for"
1529* the "and" would've made this a comma splice
1704* comma splice; rewritten to avoid the same verb in subsequent
phrases
1709* edited, didn't work with rewritten line before
1711* oxford/serial comma
1727* comma consistency
2019* three commas in a rather short sentence, so i killed the
dispensible one
2046* comma unnecessary
2140 fyurie: very unhappy with the virtual three-liner almost halfway up
the screen, but i can't just \an8 this because of the \move stunt in
2146; you figure out if you want to break this line up or kill the \move
or do something else
2150* but+comma; corrected tense
2154* added "still" to make it sound nicer
2337 not edited because shortened from 1151 in ep20

ep20
0015* it's an em-dash sort of moment
0018 the "me and X" construction is fine for someone like hikari
0235 re comment: yeah, not gonna go back and change this for the first
19 eps...
0257* still not happy with the same verb twice, but at least it's not
the same form now
0612 timing check, please
0612* exclamation mark because exclamation
0615* CPS was through the roof, required a fair bit of cutting down
0643* comma required, same as names and shit
0935* bunch of little things
1005* retimed because last bit of her sentence was skipped and the CPS
was 24 or so
1006* style --> alt so it works with the new 1005
1041 this could/should be typeset...
1102* she's always sleeping, so "while she's sleeping" is a bit wrong
1110* this line: maximum anime; only fixed verb though
1144* edited because 2x "keep", edited some more to make it make sense
1656* where --> when, and then edited some more for the sake of the flow
1721* dunno but sentence-final "though" feels so much better with a
comma
1854* but+comma; edited so it reads like she starts this line again in
the next line - which she does in the audio; also wonder+question mark =
no good
1857* comma for nicer structure
2015* comma consistency
2025* And --> and
2105* fixed verb
2132* doesn't really work without the verb
2137* flow was pretty meh
2330* edited to fit ep21
2332* edited to fit ep21
2336* edited to fit ep21

ep21
0011* same as 2132 in ep20
0017* same as 2137 in ep20
0431* nicer with comma setting off the second noun phrase
0714* comma consistency
0753* serial comma added
0935+ checks out with ep15 lines
0952* comma consistency
0956* comma required, second part is a non-restrictive apposition
1023* was too long
1035* Sea God always capitalized
1049* the "too" sounded weird in there, kicking it is fine going by the
japanese audio though
1115* same as 0431
1230* school subjects don't get capitalized
1233 ... except languages
1240* same as 1230 (actually, this is not even a subject...)
1242* same as 1230; also i totally don't get hikari's comment; if it
were algebra vs arithmetics, it'd work, but i'm no TLC
1250* comma consistency
1301* edited, line was too meh
1322* feels better with this preposition
1412* unnecessary construction
1447* comma consistency
1637* comma consistency
1725* always capitalized
1828 fyurie: retime this section, please; make hikari's line an alt and
expand all lines a bit
1854* shortened
2149* same as 1721 last ep