Another hilarious guy coming to the stage, give a nice warm welcome to Dake the Buh! Sup? How's it going New York City? My name is Nicol Buff and not only is this my first ever stand-up gig in New York City, this is my first ever time being in New York City at all and it's an honor to come on. If you guys are really, I'm from Salem, New Hampshire, it's a small town and I just want to thank you all for coming out and letting me on the show. Anyway, yeah, so I've been doing comedy for about four years. I started when I was 16, now 20. I know none of you believe me because I look like a dad that chops a Paxon but... It's all good. I recently got a job being the scrawniest guy in my local GNC. For those who are not familiar, GNC is a place where men on steroids, so a protein powder, just getting blankets. And basically all these guys are on steroids, half of them don't even look good. They're all covered in pimples, acne, scabs and shit. So me, the question of whether or not you should do steroids is pretty simple. Would you rather look like a smaller, less muscular human or a lumpier, vainier, cheese pizza from Dominos? Yeah, don't fuck with your hormones, man. To Stosterone is responsible for things like facial hair, puberty, spike TV and both world wars. It's also responsible for loud exhausts on shitty cars. I'll share you guys are familiar with this. I do not know who they're fooling. I do not know who's out there going. Oh wow! That must be one of those fast, exotic Honda Civics! Yeah, no. I saw my friend at AutoZone recently. He got T-Bone, that's why he was there. He goes, yeah man, sucks but that's what happens when you buy nice cars. And he points outside to his 1995 BMW 3 Series. That is not a nice car. Costs a thousand bucks and the ship knob is a bottle of coke. Old cars are only nice if they have a heritage. You know what I mean? Like a Mustang or a Ferrari. You know like a heritage a used BMW 3 Series has. Is that a rich kid got his first hand job in the back seat. So, yeah, so I work in the mall. It's not terrible except for the fact that I have to pass by mall. Kiosk employees every day. I really got some talking about where black dress clothes try to sell you lotion. Without consent. Yeah, it's, I don't know. It's not like I'm passed by one or two of them either. It's like 30 of them, one after another. Mall Kiosk employees are just human pop-up ads. People fall for that stuff man. There's at least one person out there who thinks they want the free iPad. Someone's got to tell him that stuff's not real. I think they'd be bombed. Wait, are you telling me that hot local milf's aren't trying to fuck me? Well, that's a shock. So, yeah. The other day I met the biggest ass-wul in the world. And he is a domino's driver that has a car identical to an undercover cop. Literally. Black Ford Crown Vic with a bull bar and a spotlight driving around delivering every drug addict's favorite brand of pizza. It gave me a fucking heart attack. It's 2am. I'm high as fuck. When I saw that guy pull up. I thought for sure that this was the final hour of my life as a free man. You know, I didn't know that buying domino's at 2am was probable cause for the DEA to tear up your house. But it might as well be. Who else does that? Who on earth is like, yes, I am perfectly sober and a nice meal from domino's pizza would really hit the spot. If I call domino's sober, I wouldn't even know what to say. Hi, domino's pizza. How can I help you? Hi, yeah, so I don't do drugs and I still want food from here for some reason. Can you save my soul? Alright guys, I'm going to leave you with this. My first time in New York was a lot like my first time having sex. I was very nervous. I finished early and a guy named Nikki filled in for me when I was done. So thank you very much.