Yep! I'm fasting now! Thank you. Thank you everyone for coming to the Athenaeum Theatre, which is absolutely beautiful. I think you'll agree. This is Leanne. Leanne will be signing the show. For the entire show tonight, she will be signing the show. Has anyone seen a sign interpreted show before? A few of you. You may know that when you applaud a deaf person on stage, which by the way, Leanne is not, but you'd be surprised how many people asked me that question. I've got off the phone to Leanne and people said, oh, who are you talking to? Oh, my sign interpreter. Oh, so she can hear then. Yeah, that's kind of the point. But if you were to be watching a deaf performer on stage, though, you wouldn't applaud. You would never applaud because they're not going to hear you. You raise your hands in the air and you do this. So on the count of three, let's have a deaf round of applause for Leanne. One, two, three. And still some of you flak. Are there any deaf people here? Why do you think the deaf people... Well, they're new top-downly by this couple down the front who went. If there are any deaf people here and you would like to heckle, it does work. I've had this work in shows just attract Leanne's attention, sign your heckle to her. She will then turn to me and go, you're shit. And we'll be on the show. How did you just sign your shit? Now, Leanne is signing Oslan, which is Australian Sign Language. There are various sign languages for various world languages around the world. Australia is Australian Sign Language. There's British Sign Language. There is no Scottish Sign Language, which depresses me. Because I want to see the sign for, I'll do you, Jimmy. You will find yourself laughing possibly twice at every joke tonight. There will be one laugh when I tell it and then another as you look at Leanne and go, oh, is that how you sign Wanker? In fact, you'll find as the night goes along, you don't even want to hear jokes. You'll find yourself going to say another root word. Say another root word. If I think I'm losing you with any void, I'm just going to do root words and she can sign them. If I think you've drifted off, I'm just going to, it's time for me. We'll be fine. So, hello to you, sir. You look lovely down the front. What's your name, my friend? John. John, where are you from, John? Originally or now. Originally or now. Let's go now. Carnegie. Sorry? Carnegie. Carnegie. Originally? Birmingham. Birmingham in England. Excellent. Do you know what? Scarily, I know more about Birmingham than I do about Carnegie. Where's Carnegie? South East and suburbs. South East and suburbs. And you came to Australia to find, to escape the, for her. Oh. And what's your name, man? Louise. Louise. Where did you meet? In Finsbury Park in London. In Finsbury Park in London. Oh, there's people around the room. Oh, forget the DVD. This is Oprah. This is, how long ago was this at your man? Ten years. And they both said it instantaneously. That is a side. I'm just going to quickly check. Where's another couple? Directly behind you. A couple? Two of you sitting together. Oh my god, you really have grown to look like each other. I'm sorry. Can you stand up and turn around just for a second? Just so everyone else can see what I just saw. Look at, just both of you stand up. Stand up. Just stand, and stand, turn around. Look at that. That is what... I mean, so that it really is just the glasses. You've taken them both. Oh, you're completely different people now. How long have you been together? Very, very long time. Fantastic. She said 25 and he went very, very long time. You just became a common dant in police academy. Many, many years. Very, very long time. See, we can view... You said 25 well done. You're a bit confused. You got in sync down the front. Both said 10 years. Well trained. Well trained. Nice work with you. Which one of these two men is getting sex tonight? Lots of sex. In lots of positions. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER Normally my goal in any show that I do with Leanne is to make her cry at some point. We'd love them. Is she actually got me first tonight? So, so Finnsbury Park, 10 years, excellent. And whereabouts in Finnsbury Park? At a concert. James. At a James concert. Fantastic. Whose main hit I believe was Lade? Oh, in Australia. Sit down in England. Excellent. Look at that. You guys are fantastic. You're like music nerds and in love. Fantastic. Why on earth are you at my show? Oh, yeah. I'm a fan. I'm a fan. I'm a fan. I'm a fan. Speaks in something, I'm guessing. So you met at at a James concert. And what, how? Completely right. Completely right. Were you crowd surfing? And he was just holding you up. No, her. Oh, that's working. LAUGHTER She stalked you. Fantastic. The fact that you're here possibly discounts that. Cool. How long have you been in Australia? Nearly five years. Excellent. Nice one. See, I've got to say, excuse me. I just made an old man noise. I did, didn't I? It's being filmed. It's been posterity. I just got up and went, My dad, every time my dad gets out of a chair, he says the worst. Oh, shit. I'm sorry, what you know? John. John, sorry, John and Louise. Excellent. John, I have to say, English people are close to my favourite people on the planet. How are you going in Australia? There's a whole English Australia thing, isn't there? I was in Newcastle upon time in England when you guys beat us in the rugby world cup final a few years back. And I've got to say, there were five of us Aussies there. There were 500 English. The chanting, the songs that came out of the English were borderline racist. Almost violent, but very funny. Five Aussies in the corner, 500 English looking at us. I swear to you, You all live in a convict colony. Followed by, we get three dollars to the pound we get free. When you're heckling the exchange rate, that's inventive. And then when the English won, they came out with this. Get your shit stars, get your shit stars, get your shit stars off our flag. But here's why I love you, because you're also gracious winners, because not long after that, the English beat the Australians at the Ashes. And instead of getting violent and aggressive, which you could well have done, what they did was they messed with our heads. They played with the psychologically. After the English beat the Aussies and the Ashes, they issued Ashes commemorative stamps, and exactly the amount it costs to send a letter from England to Australia. Every Aussie was walking in a post office going, you know, two stamps, thanks mate. Send a couple of their time. Jeez, everyone's been remarkably polite about, DAAAAAAA! There's like swear to English behind them going, LICK IT! LICK IT!