These are the three things that you should have taken away from Malcolm and Marie the movie. I probably shouldn't have done this when it first came out, but February's a busy month for me because it's Valentine's Day month and you know I get busy. The number one lesson that people should have learned from Malcolm and Marie the film is that business and relationships don't mix, so separate them. You want to know why leading business individuals put pen to paper and get lawyers involved even though they are working with people who they've golfed with for decades, people who they would gladly invite their kids birthday parties, they do that because they acknowledge that feelings are fickle and money should never be. So if you're in a romantic relationship with someone and you notice that your contributions to their work are becoming above and beyond what a romantic partner should do, that's me to say this is now a totally separate relationship that we have to nurture and categorize and structure in a completely separate way. So we shouldn't be watching Malcolm and Marie and saying Malcolm should have thanked Marie, Malcolm should have given her her props because she gave so much. We should have been saying Marie should have gotten lawyers involved to represent the contribution that she had to this film, the invaluable contribution because without her it never would have been as successful as it was and that should be noted with more than just a thank you. In an alternate universe the ideal set of events shouldn't be that Malcolm went on stage after getting an incredible round of applause and then said thank you to the audience and immediately after thanked Marie and told everyone how integral she was to the project. The actual ideal would be that there was a ravenous applause from the crowd and then Malcolm gets up and Marie doesn't even have to look for permission because she gets her ass up to because she has listed herself as a co-creator and knows that those applause are also meant for her and there's paper work to confirm that reality. The second big takeaway that I got from that film was not the importance of communication but instead the importance of non-communication. So much of what was said did not need to be said. So much of that honesty wasn't actually honesty it was cruelty and that is because when we are in a state of fight or flight all we want to do is get to a place of righteousness and security and the easiest way to do that is to attack someone else. You often hear people say that when someone's mad that's when the real truth comes out. It's really not. That's one of the very one-sided version of the truth because there's two sides to every coin. For example Malcolm you are a work obsessed ego maniac you are a self-centered asshole is very similar to Malcolm I'm inspired by how much you devote yourself to your art and the excellence that you get as a result of that devotion. However when we're angry we don't actually add that second part in. We just lean heavily into the first part even though we acknowledge that much of the things that we hate about our partners contribute equally to things that we adore about them and in this film you would see that play out where they would actually give back to back monologues that would be all doom and gloom you're terrible and the next one you're incredible and awesome. When we're calm we can marry those two things together when we're angry it's very difficult for us to do so which is why we should say less when we're angry. The flip side to the non-communication component though I will say this is talk up sooner. If you see something trending in a particular direction the time where it boils over and falls off a clip is not the time to say you should have worn a harness. You saw all throughout this person gearing up to make this fatal flaw in not thanking you when they didn't cast you in the film when they weren't giving your kudos all the way through when they weren't including you as a writing partner when your name wasn't in the credits and so it was trending in that direction anyways but you waited you tested to see if in the final hour they would say something you set yourself up for disaster and disappointment in that case so communicating as soon as you notice that trend starting to happen is going to save you and your partner so much time and so much drama. And the very last thing that I took from this film is that people need to redefine what a toxic relationship is. This as said in the film was this couple's worst argument they've ever had in their entire relationship. I saw so many bids online that the two of them should break up that this is a terrible connection that this is the hallmark of incompatibility and that they bring out the worst in each other. When you actually think about it other than saying some very terrible things this argument as blunt and as gruesome as it was could have been a lot worse. And I think that you just like me were waiting for it to get a lot worse a lot more violent so that to be said did they really bring out the worst in each other or were they just able to see the worst in each other and do they feel too comfortable leaning into that reality when it felt convenient for them in order to protect themselves. What I want to say is that before we go and brand all Malcolm and Marie type couples as being toxic if our friend tells us they had a really bad argument with their partner last night or go to shouldn't be and we're going to leave that person and here's why. One gives some grace to the fact that very few of us are taught how to effectively communicate in romantic relationships especially during times of distress and drama. And number two we aren't taught how to manage romantic relationships let alone romantic relationships that have the added layer of a business component on top of it so it's likely that people are going to end up in some trouble when they try to mix it together. And also a little bit more grace and also an acknowledgement of the good they did for each other. I saw a lot of people talking about how they brought out the ugly sides of each other which there was some ugly sides. But what about the fact that through this connection this person was able to create their best piece of art. They had been struggling for years to find their voice as a filmmaker and through this loving union they were able to tell a very important story in a very impactful way. So in terms of flip side it empowered the other person to get clean and get up drugs to start believing and working on their own self love and to acknowledge their own power. To me there's a lot of beauty that came from that connection and even if they did break up after that film finished filming I still think it was a worthwhile connection that brought them to somewhere healthy and hopefully they continue on that trend to work on themselves so that the issues they had that night don't arise in future relationships or they stay together. Don't ever come up again in their relationship. Period. Alright I know you have some thoughts because I saw so many think pieces on this movie. What was the number one takeaway that you got from it?