You know, when I was growing up, it's probably about eight years old. And at the time, we were living in Silver Spring. Yeah. Yes. Common misconception about me in DC. A lot of people think I'm from the hood. That's not true. But I never bothered to correct anybody. Because I wanted the streets to embrace me. As a matter of fact, I kept it up as a ruse. Sometimes I'll hang out with rappers like Nas and them. And these motherfuckers start talking about the projects. Yeah. It was wild in the PJs, yo. And I'd be like, word, naked word. But I don't know. I have no idea. My parents did just well enough so that I could grow up poor around white people. And to be honest, when Nas and them talk about the projects, I used to get jealous because it sounded fun. Everybody in the projects was poor. And that's fair. But if you were pulling Silver Spring, it felt like it was only happening to you. I know the pain of that first sleepover at a white friend's house. And you come back home on Sunday and just look at your parents like, you all need to step your game up. Everything at Timmy's house works. Remember the first time you saw that? The cold winter. And to be at a white friend's house and see the motherfuckers in their living room without their coats on. Timmy was one of my first white friends like in my life, man. Good do too. He moved to Silver Spring from Utah of all places. I guess his family was affiliated with that Mormon church they got down there. I mean, him used to hang out. And one day I was at his house and we were just hanging out. And Timmy says, Dave, why don't you stay for dinner tonight? I said, oh man, I'd love to, but I can't. If I'm not home before dark, my mother will kill me. That was a lie. My mother had several jobs. I had a senior like three or four days. That point in my life, it was my experience that white dinner wasn't delicious. I'd rather go home and fry some baloney or some shit like that. But then old Timmy threw me a curveball. I wasn't expecting. He said, oh, it's too bad you can't stay, Dave, because my mom made stove top stuffing. I said, what the fuck? Stove top. Hold on, nigga, let me make some phone calls real quick. I had seen that commercial so many times. I had dreamt of getting my hands on some of that stove top stuffing. And finally, I met a mother fucker that actually had a box of stove top in the house. I couldn't miss this opportunity. So I pretended to call my mother. And then I came back and I said, Timmy, Timmy, you're not going to believe this great news. Mom said I can stay. And he said, fantastic. He said, why don't you come with me and we'll help set the table. And then we can save the blessing. I had no interest in setting this mother fucker's table saying he's crazy ass Mormon prayers. I just wanted to goddamn stuffing. My hands first. My plan was simple. Wash my hands slowly. And by the time I'm done, the table will be set. The blessing will be said and all that they will be left to do is eat. I went to the bathroom. I washed my hands very slowly. I must have been in there for about ten minutes. And suddenly, one of his mothers came to the door. She was like, I'm David right now. She was like, I'm David right? I said, yes ma'am. She said, Timmy tells me that you're planning on staying for dinner. I said, I hope that's not a problem ma'am. She says no, it's no problem. In fact, we'd love to have you. It's just that we weren't expecting company. And I'm afraid there's not enough stove top stuffing for everybody. So I kicked her in the pussy. Bam! Ladies and gentlemen, I told you I'm dope. I told you I was gonna say, and you still didn't see it coming. And that's why I make the big bus. Oh! Oh my god. But there's more important reason that I would stop doing comedy right now. And this reason is the real reason that's been percolating. And it really is the crowd, not you. I'm talking about the crowd on the big stage. It's too hard to entertain a country whose ears are so brittle. Motherfuckers are so sensitive. The whole country is turned into bitch ass niggas. Everybody you say upset somebody. You know, I can remember when it all started. It was when I was doing Shepel show. And I was doing Shepel show. I used to do the show and then on the weekends I do concerts and shit like that. So I'm doing a concert and there was a couple in the front row. Beautiful couple. The wife. The wife was obviously Asian. You can see it in her face. The husband, this motherfucker was mysterious to say the least, couldn't quite pinpoint where he was from. Caramel colored fell up, very nice hair. But it could've been from anywhere, Bangladesh, Mexico. I can't guess with a niggas like this. All I knew for sure about this guy is that his wife was a bitch. I could see that in her face too. No, he was laughing and having a good time. And she was scouring at me at a goddamn comedy show. I couldn't figure it out. And then I realized at some point that she was pregnant. And I was smoking on stage. I said, oh my god, that's probably why she's mad. So I started to put my cigarette out. But then she hit me with one of them fake non-smoker calls. So I just kept smoking. I thought myself, bitch, that babe will be fine. Relax. And I tried to break the tension. I just asked her. All I said, go, hey, where you guys from anyway. I could tell that she was on to me. She goes very kind of sending me. She says, I'm from California. If you're asking my ethnicity, I am Chinese. And he was like, I'm Mexican, bro. I said, well, I'm sorry if I offended you by asking. But you're a very beautiful couple. And Mr. has no question that you're going to give birth to the hardest working baby this world has ever seen. That's not a bad joke. She got very upset. She got up to leave immediately. But she didn't just leave. She had to take one last dig of me on the way out. I will never buy one of your fucking DVDs again. Dave Chappelle. I said, man, with all due respect. Chinese people all buy DVDs. And the crowd went crazy. We've all happened having a good time. I don't even think anything of it. And then just three days later, this lady sends a fucking letter to my promoter telling him not to book me for shows anymore. Because I was, quote, racist, huh? And I'm quoting her. And sensitive to the nature of my interracial marriage. I was like, oh, word, bitch, I was. And she would know that I myself am in an interracial marriage. That's right. In fact, my wife is Asian too. Surprise, bitch. I'll see your things given. But my wife's not Chinese. She's Filipino. That's right. That's right. And our kids are Puerto Rican somehow. So there you go. I don't give a fuck about interracial marriage. In fact, you know what? My mother is half white. A lot of people don't know that. Right. You were a little too excited, but OK. A lot of people don't believe you when I say that, but it's true. You can't tell looking at me. But if I grew my hair out, you would think you was at a fucking cat Williams concert. My shoes. My shoe is beautiful.