I'm up. What's the best part about dating a homeless girl? You can drop off anywhere. Hey mom, you know why God invented yeast infections? So women know what an annoying cunt feels like. I just want to see your mom react. Hey mom. What's easier to pick up the heavier gets? Women. That's a truth. That's a truth. Hey mom. What's a butthole and a 9-volt battery having common? We know you shouldn't put your tongue on it but we do it anyway. I knew it was coming but I got stuck in the funny. Hey mom. What do you call an anorexic girl with a yeast infection? A quarter pounder with cheese. I never realized how like hoey girls and walmart are similar because you'll laugh and make fun of them but once you're inside when at 4 a.m. you're like god damn on glibens are here. Hey mom. What's a butthole and a 9-volt battery having common? We know you shouldn't put your tongue on it but we do it anyway. I knew it was coming but I got stuck in the funny. Hey mom. What's similar about drinking non-alcoholic beer and going down your cousin? I mean it all tastes the same but it just ain't right. Hey mom. What does a vagina and mafia have in common? One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit. Hey mom. What do the blind men say when you walk past a fish market? Good morning ladies. Hey mom. Do you know how to find a blind man on a nude beach? It's not hard. Hey mom. So my girlfriend got mad at me because she called me cheating on her the other day and I mean what was I supposed to do? She was just laying on the table naked and my girlfriend told me to do the damn autopsy. Hey mom. Why don't old women have sex? Well have you tried pulling a part of grilled cheese? Hey. That's fair. Hey mom. What's the difference between two dicks and a joke? I can't take a joke. That's fair. That's funny. Hey mom. I realized me and my girlfriend are kind of like Nike McDonald's. I'm doing it and she's loving it. You don't get it? You don't get it? What? What's the difference between a pregnant lady and a light bulb? You can unscrew a light bulb. Hey mom. What's the lesbian version of a cock block? The lesbian version of a cock block? A beaver dam. The fun part of their mom said, oh what? A family with a little boy or a driving behind a trash truck as a driving a dildo flies out and hits the windshield. In a spare to save her son's innocence she goes, that was a huge bug. The sun goes, damn how's that bug fly with a cock that big? That was mommy. Hey mom. What did Cinderella say when she got to the bowl? No. Hey mom. Losing my virginity was a lot like learning how to ride a bike. My dad was behind me the whole time. That'd be a way, right? Hey mom. What's the difference between a hippie chick and pizza? I don't peel the crust off my pizza before I eat it. You're just gonna tell them. Hey mom. A husband and wife are watching TV and the husband just keeps switching channels from golf to porn. And wife finally has nothing. Jesus Christ can you just leave it on porn? You already know how to play golf. That's a good one. Hey mom. I recently ran into my ex the other day and I told her when I have sex I always think of you. And she goes, oh do you still love me? I was like no it just helped me from coming too quick. You're like you were right. I'm sorry.