We're here in New York for the intramural 2016 bipartisan debate, Donald Trump versus Bernie Sanders. My fellow Americans, I am willing for president so that is the ugly event that I am elected to office. And there's not an immediate military coup d'etat to take me out of power. This country will engage in an unpersonable, untenable, revolution politically to take on the billionaire class. Because in a society where the top 100% of the top 10% of the top 100% of the top 100% of the top 100% of the top 100% of the top 10% for those of you that are tracking it. That's 0.000000000001, all the top 100%. This is a great country. This is a great country. This is a fun place. And I promise I'm killing everyone in the polls. I can guarantee this. I'm killing everyone in the polls. And if I'm elected president, I will kill everyone. I promise you that. I can promise you that. Here's some facts. The minute I become president, we'll start the anchor baby program, where we start bronzing Mexican immigrants and putting them on naval ships so that they're put to use finally. I'm just saying, bronze them and make it a real thing. No, it's no longer an offensive metaphor. Now I know what you're thinking. You know, I know what you're thinking. Bernie, you look like you're running for president of the Muppet Show. That's fair. That's valid. People have said that I look like I was forcibly held down in a cotton candy machine. That is true. But it happened while the simultaneously being struck by lightning giving me a rare super power where I am simultaneously completely bold. And I have more hair than anyone else what I could possibly. Nearly impossible. I have the biggest family. I have the best family. My family. There's not one loser among them. If they were, we'd drown them in a sack in the Hudson River. And I can tell you this. I can tell. I promise you this right now. There's a reason I name my daughter, Ivana, because I want a fucker. And I promise you this now. Family, you want to keep family tight? Well, my family's the tightest. Specifically, my daughter. I've breathed her to be so tight. And when I marry her, I'm marrying my daughters, what I'm saying. I'm marrying my daughter. I believe. I firmly believe that the country needs to think it had like me as president. When I have time with my wife, we go up to Lake Champlain. We put on a grateful debt album. And we have it sail out off the speakers over the lake right off the photograph. And we just, we sit in a little sloped gala. And we read each other's statistics from the Bureau of Labor Statistics. My vacations involve hunting, stray, blood diamond diggers. I go to Africa. My whole family, we get elephant rifles and we hunt human beings. And what we do is we reenact the euthanizing of Eleanor Roosevelt, which didn't happen. It didn't happen. My question for this patrol, that the billionaire class controls 40,000 percent of all of the money of equaling 10 trillion dollars. Well, the American working class people have one full of one job for each person. How can you sleep at night? No, but so many other people having other jobs. I want to answer the last part of his question for us. I agree with Thanksgiving. I'd support Turkey's 100 percent. I support bilingual Turkish English schools. That I'm not good because turkeys are Americans. Last time I checked turkeys were here before the Indian. So here's the point. We're a great country. We have a lot of challenges. We're going to win. You're going to be so sick of winning. You're going to put a shotgun in your head and blow your fucking brains out. You're going to be so sick of winning. We're going to win everything. And then we're going to go to China. And I love the Chinese. I love them. I like, I think they're fun. You can put little plates on their heads. You can put up a great people. But what's more important? I know there are enemy. I know there are enemy. Shoot them on site. Shoot them on site. Or I'll make a deal with them. Are you with me? I mean, Bernie, come on. Are you with me or not? No, I don't think it was possible geopolitical policy. We're going to take on the number two and over a classic superpower with our shoot-on-side policy. I don't support that in any way form with shape. What sort of an except that I am somehow idiosyncratically pro-gun? Exactly. You're already, and you know, by the way, I'll tell you the Chinese and Japanese already have a shoot policy. And that's all the photography they do with it. Oh, I know that I'm aware of. That I agree with Donald Trump on. Is that the threat-specific part of the ship is bad? Have the word. You just pronounce you. It is huge. It's huge. And I agree with you. I think there's a huge thing. I think, and I don't want to make a promise. But I don't want to make a promise. But I want to say this, and I just want to say it quickly, which is that I really believe, Bernie, if at the end of it's you and I on the dance floor, let's dissolve the parties. You can say fuck it all and just take a trip across the country. I would do that. I would go with you on an eight-week cancer road trip. Well, pretend one of us says cancer, and it's our last trip. I'll even wear the bandana. I don't care. My final rubble is what's your number? I want to meet you after the show. So I don't know if you could give that to me during the show. Is that appropriate to do? My final block. My block. My block. My block. Why were you? I would never claim to speak for a young woman as to what your choice is all. I was 100% pro choice in 1973. So with inflation, I'd now 420% pro choice.