Hey, so we just got done with our first outing where I was solo with the two kids. I wanted to like film and make it aesthetically pleasing, but I was like I was already too stressed to do all of that. So I figured I would just let you guys know how it went. Say hi YouTube. Hi YouTube. What? Hey there. Welcome back to Ima Bean Living. If you're new here, my name is Emily. I'm a mess. And I'm a new mom of two. And today was the first day that I brought both of them out by myself. I had to get out of the house because my parents who we're living with right now, because we're getting a new build. They're had... Hi baby, Chad. Good big sister. They're having cleaners come to the house and we wanted to get out of their way. Building, building. Let's use nice words, sweetie. So we wanted to get out of their way so that they could do their little business. So I brought the kids down to Starbucks, got Aubrey, a son of her own with cream, Jack. I fed in the car. I'm still kind of getting used to nursing him. He doesn't always get a good latch. And I'm not good in public. And then with the cover, it was just too stressful. So I dressed him in our back seat right back there. It actually worked out pretty well. And now we're going to head to the park and my mom's going to meet us there. Maybe we'll get some cute footage. But we stayed at Starbucks and I wrote some think you notes for Jack's baptism, for some of the gifts that he received. And overall it was a success. And not to mention, one of the Starbucks workers said there was no doubt Aubrey was my daughter, which made my day because everyone always says like she looks like one, or at least when she was like a baby. So it made my day to know that people can see that she's definitely mine. But anyways, overall I survived. And it wasn't as bad as it could have been something that I often stress about. But let's go ahead and head to the park and bring Jack to the park for the first time. So we're at the park now. My mom was here when we arrived and she is playing with Aubrey taking a picture of her on the slide right now. And I just got done feeding Jack like a little bottle that I collected using Ahaka. It was maybe like half an ounce or maybe one ounce of milk. Probably not enough to fully satisfy him. But as I'm sitting here like trying to feed him and you know Aubrey's very timid when it comes to like playing with others at the park, I don't know if I could necessarily bring both of them to the park and have like a successful outing. And if that makes sense because she would want me to go play with her. And if he's not sleeping then it'd be very stressful. She'd probably have to just sit right next to me and then we would go play. So maybe it would be doable. But definitely for like a first outing for me at least, I don't think I could do it by myself. So I'm thankful that my mom is here to help. But this little guy just got some milk. Hopefully he'll be happy. And I don't know how long we will be here today. But the weather is very nice. I'm thankful for that. And I'm thankful that he's not super fussy. He's a very gassy kid. So I'll probably have to you know burp him a few more times, change his diaper a couple times. Probably before we go home. But overall this outing is doing okay. I'm surviving. Last night I had a little breakdown. Let me reposition and I'll keep telling you about it. Okay, he's laying on my lap now. He looked like he wanted to nurse. So I might have to nurse him soon. But I had a breakdown last night. I'm just feeling really overwhelmed by like the littlest things. And there's a part of me that's like you know I'm a capable woman. I earned a PhD. Like I've gone through lots of like ups and downs in life. And you know I should be able to handle like going to the store or you know things like that. But with a newborn and just you know like my not being off my antidepressants. I just broke down. I just feel like I can't function. I don't know if this is postpartum depression combined with my normal depression or what. But I was just feeling very discouraged last night. So this little outing today is helping me feel like I'm more capable and feeling like I'm gonna be able to handle motherhood. But let me feed him and then I'll give you guys a little update. So I successfully nursed him with my cover out in public. No nursing pillows. He actually got a pretty good latch too. So that was a success. I was not expecting that. We're still having issues getting like a good latch all the time and I swear he like bit off like a chunk of my left nipple. Maybe TMI but it does not look the same. It looks like it's missing a chunk. So nursing in public is definitely like scary for me because it's like I don't have all of the you know the perfect situation but it's looking to be okay for now. Thankfully. But I got to burp this little guy and then I don't know how much longer we'll be here at most another hour. But I hope that you know by me maybe it's not the most aesthetically pleasing video. It doesn't have nice music and you know overlay videos but I hope that me sharing my first time experience bringing my two children out and about Jack is let's see almost three weeks and two weeks or in two days he'll be two weeks old. In two days he'll be three weeks old. I can't function. So I'm hoping that me sharing this little experience with you guys. If any of you guys are nervous about bringing your kiddos out you know pick something that you think is doable and just try to do it try to you know get out and even if it goes bad like you still went out you still got over that hurdle that you were probably nervous about. So I hope that this encourages some of you guys to do the same because I was terrified about this day. But I'd like to thank you guys for watching and you know bearing with me and my hot mess of the self. If you guys are new here I'd love for you to stick around and see what else goes on in this crazy house of mine and see what I have to offer and don't forget to like this video and I'll catch you guys in the next one. Woohoo! You've made it to the end of the video. If you didn't know already every Monday and Friday you can find motherhood and lifestyle content on this channel and census moms have to do it all. That may mean yummy recipes, easy DIYs, mom hacks, cleaning and organization or just a combo of everything. Please know that you are loved and you are made for greatness and I will catch you in the next one.