There was a pattern in my relationships and my dad was like all right Let's look at the only thing that does not change in all your relationships like the one factor that does not change And it was like what is listen? It's the message right here black boy tell me how you really feel Because I just want to build with you black girl tell me how you really feel I want to keep it real with you. I want to live better eat better I want to love better sleep better. Yeah, I'm for black men who are interested in Black women Joining a union long-term unit with black women But are running into black women who are the product of some of the things that you see You know, I've heard a quote that it's like You know, trauma keeps you at the age you wear when you experience it right? So a lot of guys are saying all these are gonna immature these women are promiscuous these are better How would you encourage or advise those men on how to navigate Black women who have been You know in your care for instance I think the first episode is Going in with the mindset that You have to have the utmost patience with them Once you Understand that I feel like And being mild if you can being mild mannered with them as well Um Because they're you know again, they're gonna respond to certain stimuli differently Then expect it you might be thinking or the man might be thinking. I just You asked me something. I was just like okay, whatever and I just walked away and It just causes her to explode Instead of matching that explosive energy just Keeping your calm and just being more vocal like I think just Vocalizing Appropriately of course, but you know asking them Not what's wrong That's never I mean it it just depends on purpose the person but Given them that time to cool off and just knowing Learning their triggers Having deep conversations with them not the Washer favorite color with you like E you know um and it is not like okay listen now We gonna talk about our childhood, you know, but if you you see something Um like a old show from when you were a young girl and it makes you Think of How you know, oh, you know, I'm watching this when I was at my grandma's house and you know my cousins would be there and wherever whatever And then you know like okay, so do you remember the show and then you know taking it into a deeper conversation And it's not always they're not always gonna open up right thing in there, you know, but just showing them that You're being That you care about them overall and you want to get to know Their dark places if they want you to enter into that dark place with them And just being intentional about your relationships like yes Social media is all about the oh he took me out, you know, he flew me out and we did this and you know He's buying me this but What they're not showing is those moments where you know your childhood trauma creeps up You know, it could be a good day and you see something or you hear something and that changes your whole mood How does Your black man that you're in a relationship with how does he respond to that? You know How is he helping you get through these times? How is he helping you navigate these feelings that you're having sometimes you can't always put a word To how you feeling you just know I don't want to be touched. I just feel like crying right now or I'm just angry and I don't know why I'm angry um, so I think black man and Keeping that in mind but also understanding that Regardless of what your profession is as a black woman You gonna face backlash, you know, especially if you're in an environment where It's predominantly white, you know, that's something in itself because we can't be seen as angry if we you know We go against what is being presented to us over in your anger then you're not a team player or You know standing firm and what you're saying then it's issue So we already have all of that and then you couple that with childhood trauma, you know or just Not feeling like you can communicate with the person that you're with because you don't want to be judged or You're so used to being seen as Strong you feel like you have to be strong as a black woman and you have to be a superhero And just knowing that The man that you're with your black man is going to be that source of comfort and Just adjustment free zone and if I Am feeling this way But I don't know how to articulate it that you're not gonna go off on me or Just completely leave the area that I'm in all together when in reality I may want you Near me. I just don't know if I want to be touched right now. I don't know if I want to be talked to right now so I think is I don't think it's any Any few words that can narrow down What a black man needs to know and you know being involved with a black woman, but I think it's being patient, you know being my manner being that Paying attention to the non verbal cues as well. That's that's huge It's gonna be difficult because you know everybody deals with these differently but naturally I think there's gonna be a comment It's from a brother And he's gonna say I did all those things I was patient. I was kind. I was a commentator. I was my man. Right and she did me dirty And sometimes she didn't me dirty and left me for a dirty dude who was the complete antithesis of everything that I was Help him understand what happened. Oh Okay, so I think that in that instance um And I think the only way that I can answer it truthfully is to personalize it. Tell me true Tell me true. So in that instance a fellow she's not And has not been working on herself You know you One day I can say I am a huge daddy's girl and I love that my dad is always rude with me and There was a pattern in my relationships and my dad was like all right Look at the only thing that does not change in all your relationships like the one factor that does not change And it was like what is it I don't know Every relationship I'll let this shut me this heart and then I thought I was like it's me You know, it's me like I Yes, I'm a different man, but it's it's me and I'm allowing these things to happen or I'm just flying off the handle um You know in that instance, but A man to be doing everything right, you know supporting the woman the way that she should but if she is not working She's not actively working on herself none of that matters and For certain women I've had some friends say it's just easier to be how I am right now This is all I know I don't want to be any different And I get that take me as I am yes exactly because it's It might be too difficult to go down that path of Why am I like this? How can I get better?