Hey, what's up guys? Elliot Holtz here on another Sunday, but obviously today I'm not a gym You won't see barbells behind me, but you might see boats right cuz uh I'm an Amsterdam. I'll be an Amsterdam this week Colleen and I flew out here today. We just got here. So I might look a little jet lag because I am and I'm also going to be speaking at a friends event and We are also doing a one-day grounding camp while I'm here So the next few days we'll be exploring the city and then getting ready to meet some of you guys At the one-day grounding camp, but I figure while I'm still here Why not maintain my Sunday ritual by answering one of your questions now? The question that comes to us is very timely especially Given that I am in the city Known as the most liberal city in the world when we use that term liberal here and Amsterdam is a bit different than you know The political scene in the US it really stands for liberty freedom Amsterdam is one of the first places to have Religious freedom or the expression of religious freedom It's also one of the places that had the first books printed this place is known for its tolerance and and freedom So we have a question today related to freedom of in a way Has it relates to love one of our friends who his question is inside this phone But because I'm using the phone to make the video you I can't read it He has a question related to a relationship You know you he and his girlfriend were dating for a long time is very much in love they were doing really well together and he Betrayed her this is what he tells us he says that he was dishonest And she left him and it has been heartbreaking it has been hard Over the past several months. He's been mending his broken heart And it seems as if time has mended that wound He's gone on to be a stronger version of himself and now that he is a bit more mature and Has moved on to a degree He wants to know if he should try to get her back and here's his plan He wants to write a letter. He says I'd I'd like to write a letter to express my Remorse and also share the love that I still have in my heart for her and Share it with her now our friend being on the journey of being a stronger version of himself is very objective And I and I commend you for recognizing that when you do share that letter He says when I do share that letter. I'm going to probably want to have her respond in a way that she may not respond Right and that's always the case when dealing with other people right we may say something or share something or divulge something hoping that the other person will respond in a particular way, but we can't dictate how they're going to respond right by holding them up to a particular Hoping them hoping for them to respond in a particular way or even oftentimes we hold them to a particular standard We're putting that person into shackles of sorts, you know We're enslaving that person by our imagination and that's not fair and I know you know that's not fair So just like when you're Dealing with your friends, right a good example of this hopefulness with regard to a response We often see when we've got a joke that we want to tell right or our friend comes to the crew He's got to joke something funny just happened and he wants to tell everybody about it And he gets everybody already for the for the for the response for the laughter and he tells the joke And then there are crickets and nobody laughs now if our friend goes ahead and tries to explain himself He is just digging himself into a deeper ditch because he's not allowing the process to be natural right if you tell the joker Nobody laughs and you walk away, but you still hold that giggle In your heart. Well then that's normal and natural and you're completely detached From other people's Responses you're detached from the outcome and if you attach to it and you try to make it happen try to force it to happen or try to get people to see your way see through your lens When especially they don't spontaneously do it Then you further entangle yourself with all kinds of weird karma right you know It just gets old it gets beat up and it just turns into something Unresourceful not only isn't explained joke not funny. It's kind of annoying. It's like dude. All right get out of here So you can expect the same sort of situation when it comes to love right you can tell someone you love them and if you're setting yourself up For an imaginary response that they're supposed to give you're gonna find yourself back pedaling You might find yourself trying to explain yourself. You might find yourself further entangling yourself In the situation which you know if you're trying to heal the wound that could potentially pour some salt Into that wound my friend So here is an invitation from me. I thought it was a great idea for you To write that letter you mentioned writing the letter in order to get all the burden off of your heart I think that's great man. Of course. I am all for full self-expression I think it's not only going to relieve your mind, but it's also cathartic for the body right when we have heart We use the term heartbreak very figuratively, but anybody who has any sense of sensation in their body Will feel the sting in their chest when they have that heartbreak right the Solar plexus tightens up and the heart literally feels like it was stabbed those you guys who are sensitive you feel Emotion in your body right that's what emotion is right that's what feelings are you feel it all right? Where do you have your feelings here? You don't conceptualize feeling so there's going to be There's going to be The processing of feelings by getting it out by writing it down on paper. I say you write the letter, but you write it For you You write it 100% so that you can get what's in your heart Express and it's very helpful to you now the other thing is the other invitations I mean I might share with you I'd like to share with you and it's completely up to you to decide to try it or not is if you really want to put yourself to the test Right, I'm a strength coach. So I'm always about Testing your strength Testing your character if you really want to go ahead and do that right and And you write that letter and you share it with her but have complete detachment from the outcome meaning I am sharing this with you because I am moved to share it with you Not because I need you or I need something from you or I'm going to wait and intense in anticipation, right? Like the friend waiting for the jokes waiting for the last but there's no laugh You wait there for anticipation. You're setting yourself up I'm sharing this with you because it is just an outpouring of my heart and you remain detached You remain unmoved and stoic you allow the emotion to rise in your body, right? Because if she doesn't respond the way you want her to You're going to feel something Allow that emotion to rise in your body Breathe into it notice right if she responds in a way that's not she Drops everything opens her arms and comes running back to you, right? Oh, I love you and tears coming down her face She stands there and looks at you or calls you a name or something you've got to Practice I invite you to practice breathing into the emotion that rises when that situation occurs, right? You're going to feel a pain in your body Breathe through the pain breathing through that physical pain breathing through emotional pain Breathing through feelings allows it to be processed We don't want to stuff it down, right? Because here's here's what's going here. What could potentially happen? What could potentially happen is you go from being detached, right? To having disdain and I don't want that to happen I don't want that to be the case for you at it a lot of people they act as if they're detached But they're not really detached. They're actually Distainful we call that sour grapes, right? It's like you can't have the thing so fucking so you start thinking she's yeah Fuck that bitch. She's nasty anyway, right? You know, I see a lot of guys do that Where it's very strange. It's like you love her and you're hoping for a particular response But now that you're not getting the response that you want sour fucking grapes real immature so Recognize the difference between detachment being With the emotion breathing through it allow it to process because through that experience You're going to be a coming stronger version yourself right and You know contrast between that and Distain be very clear about that brother and I wish you the best man look maybe she will drop everything and Come running back to your arms, right? Maybe that happens that'll be wonderful That'd be great, but if she doesn't look at it is an experience and opportunity For you to grow stronger look at it as an opportunity to become a stronger version of yourself Hold her in High regard hold yourself in a self-respecting place do not allow yourself to make her a slave to your imagination and do not got get caught up with Your own vain imagings. I will see you Next time maybe an Amsterdam again or maybe back home done So I also wanted to share this with you If you notice my chest normally I have on a pendant. It's actually iron It's a tiger iron that I've been wearing for about a year and then I really like and love a lot and I had it about two three hours ago here in Amsterdam and I lost it. I I must have Dropped it somewhere. I have no idea, but I haven't had it for the past hour And I share this with you man because I'm detached It was expensive and I loved it had lots of sentimental value to it But it's gone man. That means it doesn't belong to me anymore when something leaves you that means it's not yours anymore. That's all it is I love my iron just like you love your girl, but when it goes knows that it ain't yours done