Well, hello and welcome to understand men now. I'm Jonathan Assetton. Assetton.com. And I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today. Our topic, stop being so nice with men. Stop being so nice to men. And here's why. Okay. Really quickly, if after this video you go, this content resonates with me and I'd like to talk to a coach to get some advice and see if working with a coach is right with you, check out the link below to schedule a free discovery call. All right, stop being so nice to men. And here's why. Listen, if you've been following my work, you know that I talk significantly about childhood wounds and traumas as well as adult traumas. That happened. And what if, and from, first off, the importance of understanding this is that we are all wounded on some level in our childhood. And there could be some traumas that even if you had the best parents in the world and you had the best relationship, you could have had some issue that happened in your childhood that may cause you to have negative patterns and limiting beliefs in adulthood. Okay. Or maybe in adulthood you had an experience. Maybe you lost a job. Maybe you got wiped out in the market crash in 2008 like I did. Maybe you went through a divorce. Maybe had health issues. So a lot of times there's stuff that comes up and I'm all about having compassion. But here's the thing about being nice. And it's, there's a difference between having compassion for another human being and being nice to them. And what I mean by being nice is, well actually let me stop for a second. I once heard someone that told me 20, 30 years ago, being nice is not telling someone how you really feel. Being nice is not telling someone how you really feel. And so that's what I want to lean into today because here's the deal. You all have childhood wounds and traumas. We've had experiences. We've had adult experiences. And maybe we haven't healed it. But that doesn't mean you can't be a grown-up in relationship. Okay. And I'm talking about men right now because quite frankly, I talk to women all day long and I'm listening to the behavior from these guys. And it is incredibly selfish. And this is selfish meaning it's only their point of view. And they're not being very considerate to women. And I want you ladies to stop giving men a pass for this stuff. Again, it's okay to have compassion. But stop giving them a pass for bad behavior. You know, if his actions doesn't match it. And of course you can bolt on the relationship. You can disappear. But I'm here to say call them out on their shit. You know, if a guy pulls away, don't do that. I'm going to pull away. You know, I'm going to lean back and be my feminine energy and wait for him to come back. Wait for him to come back because you're leaning back. No, call him out on his shit. You know, here's the deal. If a guy pulls away, you want to lean in. Now, you definitely want to lean into your sovereignty, your self-worth. I'm all in favor of that. And if you're not familiar with my book, what the heck is self love anyway? Definitely lean into this. Lean into this. But what you can also do is call him out on his shit. Look, you send a message, hey, I noticed you pulled away. What the fuck is going on? Now, please forgive my friends. You don't have to be that caustic to a man. But call him out on it. And here's the deal. The sooner you call them out, the quicker you can get to a decision of whether or not you're going to want to invest in this relationship anymore. If you're leaning back, leaning back and living your own life, you're going to be, I trust me. You're going to be going in the back of your mind. What's going on with him? What's going on with him? What's going on with him? Instead, cut to the chase. Go look, I've noticed you pull away. Or by the way, let me get centered here. I'm very passionate. I'm a little parental in the way I coach. Please forgive me. I'd like to think of myself as your big brother. I'm looking out for your best interests. If you appreciate me being a big brother, please post a comment below if this resonates with you. If you actually feel like I am being protective in a very conscious, you know, gentlemanly way, except for my cursing. Because here's the thing. Men need to be called out for their behavior. And you can do it in a very polite way. In fact, in my book, What the Heck is Self Love, I say, speak your truth. Do it with kindness. That's chapter one in my book. Another chapter in my book is when it's sincere and from the heart, you can never say the wrong thing to the right person. So if a guy has pulled away, okay, you don't have to, you know, you don't need to pull away as well. You can be, you know, stop being nice and giving them a pass. Call them out on it and say, look, I noticed you felt, I've noticed you'd be a little distant recently. Is something going on that you'd like to discuss with me? That'd be one way of approaching it. You can also say, I've noticed you've been distant with me. And I don't find that acceptable because we've made a commitment to each other. And now you're backing off. And I just want to know, are you in or out? Because if you're not in, I'm going to pursue a relationship with someone who actually wants to be in relationship with me. You got to call men out on their shit. You don't need to be nice. And leaning back is another way of being nice because you're allowing him to come to you. No, you got to cut to the chase right away. I'm going to do another video on this when he goes distance and distant what you should do. I'll go into this a little more detail. But stop being so nice to guys. Be compassionate. Be conscientious. Be kind. But don't nice is not telling them how you feel. Okay. Start telling them how you feel. And again, if it's sincere in front of the heart, you can never say the wrong thing to the right person. So don't be afraid because it's not being nice is not telling them how you genuinely feel. And that's really the point I'm trying to make in today's video. All right. Did you get value from this? Did this help any please post a comment? Or if you have a question I read, I do my best to read every single one. I try to respond to many. Again, if you find value in this and you go, God, I'd like to have a personal touch, but I can't afford a dating coach, then do or dating a relationship coach, then check out the link to my VIP group midlife love mastery. It's $20 a month and you can have access to me on a regular basis. All right. I'm going to sign up this video as I always do. First off, giving myself a big gigantic job. The mirror hug of self love. I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love. I'm going to ask you to turn to somebody and give them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and we can all use more love in our lives. Thanks so much and wishing you a fabulous day. Bye bye now.