It's like you are screaming and no one can hear you. You almost feel ashamed that something came to me that important to you that without it you feel nothing. My name is Christopher and I've built my life around chasing the high. I would have called it an addiction but call it my normality. When something hurts your body so bad it stops hurting and you start to shut down. The only thing that feels close to living is something that's actually killing you. It's like you are looking into darkness and you can't find a way out. Everyone around you starts to distance themselves even your friends turn their back on you because the truth is you are not that sweet little boy anymore and you are just someone who saw those type who can't tell the day from the night. No one will ever understand how much hurts they can't help it. You can't even help yourself. Almost wish you could have all the bad back so that you can have a little bit of the good. Alone, broken, helpless and pain. Other thoughts that go around in your head almost feel ashamed. But you know when you take it for few hours you are numb from the world. You are happy. Satisfied and it all comes back. It's like a flood. The truth catches up on you and the truth is you want to be that little boy again. The one that you recognize, the one that was sweet and clean. The one who was loved. There's always something that puts you back every time and that's the feeling of being free.