Hey everyone this is Helena Hart and in this video we're going to be sharing five powerful secrets to make any man miss you and we're bringing on a special guest today to talk about this topic Clayton Olson who's a relationship expert and coach and we just love Clayton's authentic advice because it really gets you permanent lasting results in your love life. So I hope you enjoyed these five secrets and the last one he's going to share I've really found to be a game changer not only in my own life but in the lives of all of my clients so make sure to watch this video till the end to get that one. Hey it's Clayton Olson and Helena Hart from Commitment Connection asked me to come over and make a quick video called the Five Secrets, the Five Ways to Make Any Guy Miss You. Now if this is your first time to the channel make sure that you hit the subscribe button below and if you really dig my content and want to see more content that I've created on attracting and keeping a high quality man click on my link in the description to go over to my channel and subscribe there as well. Now in this video I'm going to take us a little bit deeper and we're going to talk about some core principles that position you as a high value woman that makes such an impression on a guy that he has no other choice but to miss you when you're not around because the experience that he gets when he's in your presence is one that is irreplaceable. So let's go ahead and dive into the first principle. Number one, take full responsibility, take 100% responsibility for your individual happiness. Now this may seem obvious to some of you watching the video and to others maybe not so much. There's some interesting romantic myth that seems to circulate either consciously or subconsciously between partners that it's the other person's job to make us happy, that it's my job to make them happy and if they're not happy somehow I'm failing them. Now this is not a recipe for making your partner miss you. This is a recipe for making your partner resent you and feel inadequate and feel pressured because when it comes down to your emotions nobody has control over your emotions except you. So if you're not happy and you take it on is your responsibility to make yourself happy by beginning to get in touch with the things that you love, by beginning to take care of yourself, by beginning to really not blame anybody but yourself for your happiness or lack thereof, you actually take a tremendous amount of pressure off of the man that you're with to where you are no longer someone that needs to be fixed, someone that needs to be saved, someone needs to be pulled out of the trenches of your own happiness and you get to be a partner where the man can interact with you as an equal rather than as a hero and this is an incredibly powerful tool for making a man miss you because no man wants to go from all of the pressures that are in his life to suddenly feeling like he's got all of these obligations and duties to have to fix your emotional world as well. So that step one is take full responsibility of your happiness, make it an inside job, it is your job to be happy because when you do that you offer him the greatest gift in the relationship and that is your best self. All right the second step to make a man miss you is to trust him and this cannot be over emphasized it is one of the most important key ingredients in any healthy relationship where there is desire and longing and two people being able to come back together as well as pull apart and individuate and find themselves and then be able to come back together again. It all is operated and works on trust. Now when you trust a man there is a great gift that you give him. When you trust him you are choosing no longer to see him through your own insecurities. You are choosing rather to allow him to create himself as the best version of himself. In fact you are believing that he is showing up as the best version of himself. When he perhaps pulls away, if he needs to pull away from the connection a little bit to individuate for him to perhaps find himself and regain his balance and then come back into the relationship, there's a certain trust that you give him that you know that he's going to come back that you trust that he's going to come back in connection and that you trust that he's got good intentions. There's an innocent until proven guilty mindset here and what happens when you trust him too is you actually give him the opportunity to demonstrate his integrity to demonstrate what he's really made of. Now to drive home this example let's just pretend for a moment that there's two versions of you. One version of you that goes to work and you have a boss that doesn't trust you and another version of you that goes to work and you have a boss that trusts you completely. Which work environment do you want to stay at for 10 years? Which one is going to have the most life? The one where you feel completely micromanaged and your boss is suspicious of you and you feel like you're walking on rice paper and one wrong move is going to send you away and get fired or one where you feel that your best self is seen. One where your boss is enabling you to have creative expression on how you want to be at work. Probably the latter. Now if you map it to relationships it's a very similar experience. You want to be trusted because then that way you get to be your best self he wants to be trusted so that he has an opportunity to grow into who he fully is while in the relationship with you. So that's step two trust him. All right number three to make a man miss you is to bring play, presence and sexuality into the relationship and connection and here's why it's so important. Most men go their entire lives living in a very narrow box of what are acceptable emotions to feel. Pride, anger, hunger, lust, but anything else typically there's sometimes some shame around it. Now I may not be covering all the emotions but if we compare the feminine experience or the masculine experience women have this superpower gift of having so much more emotional flexibility than a man. There's so much more comfort and courage to go into all of the emotions and still come out the other end and be okay and not be ashamed about it. Men on the other hand feel like they're walking on a tightrope and one of the gifts that you give as a woman is that you offer yourself as the emotional gatekeeper to this rich world of experience that he may have disowned ever since he was a kid but there's a part of him that is craving reunion with that. I can tell you from personal experience being a man and being in contact with a woman who is self express in her emotions is not afraid to bring those to the table. He's wildly attractive. I get to vicariously live and feel through her and she actually gets me to open up and feel things that I may not have felt when I'm single. So there is a priceless value in that and when you bring presence what that might look like is helping him slow down and not be so future oriented. Stop and smile on the roses. Playing with him, flirting with him, wrestling with him, joking around with him, getting him out of this serious mode of goal oriented focus that he might be typically in. And lastly sexuality, helping him get out of his head and into his body and feeling other parts of his body in the present moment. Very different experience than if he is this hyper masculine guy who is just focused on making money and achieving goals at work. This is the power that you bring to the table as an emotionally expressed woman and I want to invite you to step more and more into that with him to make him miss you. Step four is allow yourself to be impacted by your man. Now I'm a firm believer that everybody wants to feel significant. Everybody wants to feel like they're making an impact on somebody or something in this life and if you can communicate that you are being impacted by him, you offer him a reflection of the ways in which he makes a difference in this world. The ways in which his focus, his clarity, his direction, his empathy, his heart, his loving tenderness. These are things that you can acknowledge and when you acknowledge them you actually bring them to life even more. You offer a reflection to him one in which he might not get from anybody else in his life. See what you might forget sometimes is that if this man is intimately connected with you you occupy a very privileged space in his life and he occupies a very privileged space in your life. Both of you have the power with your words to hurt each other very much so and on the same token you guys also have the power to truly heal each other and bring out the best most ascended levels of each other in the relationship to where the relationship becomes this growth machine where the two of you are just moving forward side by side in life and that happens through you allowing yourself to be impacted and influenced by him. In fact John Gottman in one of his famous books I think it's the seven principles of what make marriage work says that the number one factor of couples that say together is that they actually allow themselves to be influenced by by the other person. So there's research to back this up so that's step four allow yourself to be impacted and lastly step five challenge him and how do you challenge him? Do you challenge him by playing hard to get? Do you challenge him by playing games and perhaps shutting down and pulling away and doing all this stuff that you don't really want to do? No you don't challenge him that way you challenge him by challenging yourself by continually challenging yourself in the relationship. So what that means is you dedicate yourself to growing. You dedicate yourself to becoming the best version of yourself and being on the path of that and realizing there is no destination that it is just a continual unfolding of you gaining greater self-awareness, greater presence, greater knowledge of yourself, greater emotional mastery because what that does is it makes you a high quality woman because ultimately what you're doing is you're carving out a really beautiful and empowering perspective on yourself and on life and that is really what he's in relationship with. He's not in relationship with your body, he's not in relationship with the things that you have. He's in relationship with the way that you see the world and the way that you see yourself. So the more beauty and the more goals and aspirations and things that you want to create and give birth to in this life that are in line with your values that are the things that make you happy, the boundaries that you choose to live by the discipline that you put into your life so you can achieve these things and grow in a certain direction. All of this becomes something that inspires him to step up and up level his game as well. And so when he looks at you and he sees a woman who is on her path what he thinks is, wow, I'm really lucky, this woman's a catch. And when he's not around you, of course he's thinking about you and he definitely misses you. So those are the five steps to make any guy miss you. I hope you enjoyed the video. For more content on how to become a high quality woman and more deeper principles on dating and relationships, I want to encourage you to click on the link over to the side here and subscribe to my channel. It's Clayton Olson Coaching where we talk about relationship dynamics. We talk about dating dynamics. We talk about all of these deeper principles that have you show up with your best self in these situations so you can create the love that you want. Thanks for watching.