You never get a second chance to make a first impression, so think of your body language like it's your autobiography and motion. It's a way of communicating to the world how you're feeling and thinking beyond just words. And by getting good at reading other people's body language, as well as understanding and controlling your own, you'll be able to improve your interactions with everyone. So today, I'll be talking about body language, how to know what's really being said by James Borde, and begin by discussing the fundamentals like the 55-387 rule, the three C's, the difference between open and closed body language, and then we'll work our way from the head to the feet. First, let's start with the famous 55-387 rule, that is 55% of your communication is your posture and what you look like. 38% is how you say stuff, like your pitch, your tone, how quickly you speak, and how long you pause between sentences. And the last 7% is the actual words you say. Now some people misinterpret this rule by thinking that words are not important, as long as you look confident, project the right impression, dress to kill, and then deliver your words with the right seductive pitch and tone. Instead, think of it this way. If your 55% of visual body language is bad, they won't even stick around to listen to the 38% and similarly, if your 38% of how you sound is bad, then they won't even stick around to listen to your 7% of words. So words are still very important. How many times have you thought at a party, at work, or on a date that things were going good until they opened their mouth? The next thing to keep in mind are the three C's. Context, congruence, and cluster. A person with their arms crossed does not always mean they're angry or being defensive. The person could just simply be cold, so you always have to look at the context. Next, if there's a mismatch on the 55, 38, 7 rule, we'll believe the higher one by default. So if you said in an honest tone that you didn't eat my cake by your rubbing your belly, then I'll believe my eyes. Now the last C is cluster. It's usually unwise to judge a single gesture for meaning, so we should always look for cluster subgesters to interpret body language. With so many muscles in the human body, it's not easy to fake body language. No matter how good you think you are at controlling your anatomy, there will always be a leakage that give away your true feelings. We all pick up the subtle clues that others are sending out even though we may not be conscious of it. And of course, other people are doing the same with us. With that said, increasing your awareness is the first step to becoming a body language expert. So start paying attention to other people's actions and words, as well as your own. Look at people's postures, gestures, and facial expressions from a distance, and then try to deduce whether they are having an argument, a friendly conversation, flirting, or whatever. Just don't underestimate the power of awareness. Next, it's important to learn the difference between open and closed body language. Open body language can be hands-being-in-view, possibly with exposed palms, suggesting you're vulnerable to others, but you're comfortable about it. It can also include good eye contact with your legs and posture being free. This body language is what we tend to do during fighter flight situations, where we make the body appear smaller and to look for barriers to shield ourselves from the threat. This can be bringing the limbs closer to our body or crossing our arms or legs. This can also be little eye contact or even closing our eyes when somebody is talking. Open body language usually means comfortable and closed body language usually means discomfort. As an exercise, put yourself in a closed position and know this, how we'll change your mood. Serve other people and know how you perceive them. Then do this again in an open position. Remember that your body affects your mind just as much as your mind affects your body. Leonardo da Vinci says the eyes are the mirror to the soul. Now it may surprise you that most communication is conveyed through the eyes more than any other part of the body. One of the simplest ways to ignore someone is to look away. I'm sure we've all done this when walking by a salesperson. Feeling to make eye contact sends the signal that you're untrustworthy, uninterested, or not confident. The eyes are so powerful that a gaze just held a few seconds longer than usual can be extremely powerful, but it's important to look away from time to time to release the tension. Otherwise people can subconsciously put you in the eye don't trust this person category if you stare too long. Now with business and strangers, focus your gaze high in between their eyes or around their forehead. With friends, focus between their eyes and mouth. On an intimate level and when flirting, focus between the chin long enough to show interest then gaze back to their eyes. Be careful with this one, but if a person's eyes move up, they might be accessing an image or visualizing something. If they're looking down, they might be accessing a feeling. And left or right, they might be trying to access some sort of sound. Next, an average blink is 8-15 times a minute. If someone is blinking rapidly or they flutter to their eyelids, that could mean the person is anxious, sad, embarrassed, or even trying to hide something. Also if you watch political interviews or just any two people interact, you might notice the person who feels more superior tends to blink less. Lastly, the eyes are also important in determining if a smile is real. Imagine how a host of a party might smile as he greets a guest he doesn't like and was just forced to invite, versus someone you know he genuinely likes. In fake or social smiles, the mouth tends to move sideways. In true smiles, the mouth tends to curve up, the eyes and cheeks are involved, it's symmetric and tends to show teeth. Next, surveys have shown that the most charismatic, popular and successful people are great listeners. We should listen using all our senses and understand that the true message is often not relayed through the words being spoken. This is why awareness is so important. It's also important to learn how much nodding helps in developing rapport. You can nod to show encouragement, to show your still listening, to show you understand, to say a yes to a fact, and to show you a grief. Lack of nodding can make the speaker think you're not paying attention or you're not interested. Studies have even shown that nodding allows you to draw as much as four times more information. Next, it's a good technique to imitate someone's body language to build rapport, but don't completely copy. Then you can lead them to a more open posture, but try to avoid a closed posture, especially if you disagree with something as that can be contagious. Remember, if you breathe deeply from the abdomen, it gives you a more relaxed and confident sound. Remember that good posture is essential for good speech and image. A good technique to keep your posture in check is to scan your body from head to toe as you inhale and then scan back to your head as you exhale. With enough practice, you'll be able to do this scan repeatedly, even while in conversation, and it will also improve your awareness. The most effective speakers on stage use a lot of hand gestures. Research has shown that having your palms up as opposed to down is more likely to cause your listeners to interpret your message positively. We tend to associate an open hand with friendliness, honesty and trust. On the opposite side, palms down or pointing fingers convey dominance or authority. Once hands convey a state of conflict and tension, the higher the hands are, the higher the resistance. Steepling hands convey confidence and wisdom. Consider trying them in a meeting or interview. Interlace fingers is associated with nervousness or defensive, but when combined with a thumbs up, it conveys a positive gesture. Hands behind back shows confidence, and it's one of my favorites, but if a hand is gripping the wrist or arm of the other, then that usually signals nervousness. The hand to the face does not necessarily mean boredom. Sometimes it's a switch to intensify concentration. If the hand is folded into a fist, then the person may have heard something disturbing, but remember cluster and focus on the eyes as well to confirm. Next, the hand covering mouth usually conveys disagreement. Folded arms can convey discomfort, aggression, at times confidence, but it's usually some sort of defense barrier. When I'm trying to persuade someone, especially in sales, I might get them a drink or get the person to do something or look at something to get them to uncross their arms, because I know as long as they remain in that position, their attitude will not change. Partial arms crossed are very common with women, and often means discomfort or nervousness. Similarly, women are more likely to do the hand to the neck gesture, which is a way to comfort themselves. Men are more likely to put their hand under their chin. We are conditioned to turn towards things and people we like, so if a girl is flirting with two guys, check which direction her lower body is facing to see who she's more interested in. If you're in a conversation and the person turns their lower body, it could mean that they need or want to go. Don't underestimate the lower body, especially for detecting lies. Kids early on learn how to lie with their facial expressions, but as you move down the body towards the feet, people are less and less trained. Next, the one day you can be as good as me, pose, can show arrogance, and can irritate many people, even if it's not directed at them. Lastly, proximity is very important. You can often tell how close two people are based on how close they are interacting. We all have our own personal bubble. You can be rejected if you enter someone's bubble too quickly. Now for three things to be cautious about. Number one, habits can play a factor. It's important to first establish a baseline before trying to really interpret someone's body language. And if you haven't met a person before, you won't know their baseline and vice versa. Number two, culture can play a factor. Thumbs up can mean the number one in Germany, number five in Japan, and up yours if thrust it upwards like your hitchhiking when done in Australia. Number three, it's important to know the science of body language is not an exact science. Humans are very complex beings and nothing can ever be straightforward. Now it's true that some people will just naturally be better at reading body language or controlling their own than others. But just like sports, you can improve yours. While you may never match the gifted view, you can definitely improve. So with enough practice, you might just become a human lie detector, develop an amazing poker face, ace that interview, and even improve your love life. Thanks for watching. If you liked this video, then choose one of the following. You can either a, subscribe and like, b, listen to the share bear over there and show that you care, c, add me on Snapchat to stay in touch, or d, tell me to blow myself up.