This is the Midwest teen sex show I'm Nicole and this episode we're talking about. Obviously we're not advocating underage drinking or drug use. You have other media sources for that. Still, pretending something isn't happening doesn't make it go away. I spent 10 years pretending I don't have kids and I still have to feed them. While loss of inhibitions seems appealing, nothing quite drives a hangover home like waking up next to someone you didn't want to sleep with, or even worse taking your top off for a t-shirt. Oh, where am I? Where are my pants? Why does it feel like my ass is bleeding? Hmm, pooky. You were a cool girl last night. If you believe you have to be wasted to enjoy sex, you aren't doing either thing correctly. Your sexual prowess isn't really increased when you're trashed and people tend to forget little details, like protection. Becca, mom's not at home and I can't figure out my mouth homework. What is it? If Jane has zero STDs and John has two STDs and gives Jane eight beers and two hits of X and they have three unprotected sexual encounters, how many apples does Jane have? 17. Some people feel sexier when they're drunk or high and that simply isn't true. If you want proof, next time your dog gets high, ask yourself if he's sexier than usual. Hmm, my favorite is the sniff and fist. A couple of lines and then... Well, I prefer the triple A. It's Ambien, Amorado and anal. Do you want to try the Robo dog with me? It's a full bottle of Robo Tussin and then we dry hump our brains out. Tuss is the king. Tuss the king. Guy Tuss is the star. Tuss the chivalry scene. This is the greatest sexual ever. If your first time happened as a result of junkiness, just don't count it. Born again, Christians become secondary virgins all the time. Brittany here with another meth tip. Never date your meth dealer. It's dangerous. Just have your boyfriend start dealing meth. Honestly though, if you find this happening a lot with the intoxication and random sex, maybe it's a good time to look into treatment or start charging money. Special blackout unit. I don't even remember calling you. You ain't got the nuts for this job. Ma'am was over giant to compromise last night. Well, that's the thing I remember is a wild party. A lot of people, drugs, pulled, and see. Ma'am, I took a black light to this entire place. There's nobody else here last night. But the TV is still gone and there's a stofers in the oven. You've got it all wrong. Where's Sanchez? You ever make a jump in the ring? This is how it happened. You got drunk alone, masturbated to QVC, and then passed out. Isn't that right, Jenny? It's Judy. That's impossible. Hey, did you just pick up some hot waste to check at a party? Good on you. She'll actually want your junk more if you don't nail her while she's passed out. Fixed you up this drink. Brody, I'm not stupid. Why is it so hard? Because you're not serving your date, date rate beer. This sealed beer is made from the finest barley, hops, horse tranquilizers, and roofies. Get your unlucky lady to not say no. Have a beer. A sealed beer. Thanks, Brody. I trust you. I feel worthless and defiled. Totally. Take away beer to the deal. Join in the discussion and check out new features at our site, midwestinesextio.com. Make sure you spell it right. I'd love to stay in party with you, dudes, but I'm late for my intervention.