All these experiences have been subjecting your body to a harmful amount of stress, and that's affecting your ability to respond to new forms of stress in a healthy way. You've been dealing with genuine threats from such a young age. Your body is now responding to minor threats as if your life were in danger. Ever since I was a child, and I mean since I was two years old, growing up, I've had countless experiences with trauma. Many of my friends and especially people in my family know this, and I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who actually have trauma. I'm not going to ask you to share your real stories if you don't feel comfortable with it. Nobody other than those you trust should hear your personal experiences if you're comfortable enough with it, and I will stick with that until the day I die. The public has not owed your life story. I will advise you near the end though to do something that will hopefully help you as it did me if you haven't done it already. But the thing I want to talk about in this is what my experience with trauma is like, and how it affected those around me, and how much of a bitch it is to deal with. But I want to get this out there for the record. Most fictional series, films, and stories when it comes to trauma, don't portray it well. This may be due to some things in particular, but one thing I believe is the reason for it is because it's entertainment. A lot of fictional characters with trauma are usually seen as characters, people, and young kids look up to four, well how awesome they are. And when they do, most people give these pieces of entertainment money. When it comes to characters that are portrayed to have legitimate trauma and not seen in the same light to others, it doesn't come off in the same way. The same characters, whether or not people want to admit it, are considered weaker, and their trauma is considered to be a problem that needs to be dealt with immediately, and they need to get over with to be stronger. But here's what I believe is the truth to trauma, for those that are fortunate enough to not have to experience it. It's easier said than fucking done. Now what I mean by that is that trauma is more than just a personal problem for someone to deal with and handle. It's not some sort of arc for the person to get past. Trauma is an experience manifested from previous past experiences that have been stressful for the individual. The thing about it though is that when it comes to stress, there are different kinds. There's the kind of stress that's life threatening from something like abuse to near-death experience, and then there's the kind of stress that's some minor abuse, like doing too much at once, or even a conversation or walking around in the store. Those with trauma, if it ends up kicking in, it makes the person reactive towards everything around them. It makes them defensive towards anything direct at them, and it can even lead to people seeing them in a different light. Now when it comes to those moments, it's in no way intentional or deliberate. That's important to understand, because there are people that don't really understand this. It's entirely instinctual. Something that would only occur to them triggers it, and they act on instinct. They can't really think about what they're doing or what they're saying, because their mind is too busy acting on it. Being traumatized is essentially your mind putting you back into a point in time in your past, and telling you you're back here, you can't escape. And the troubling thing about it is, it's your mind that's doing this. That's what controls everything. That's what's letting me write this script, record the reading of the script, and editing all together. If someone like me is in the middle of acting out of trauma, it's not possible for them to get out of it, because their mind can't be budged. It's not convinced that this moment is different than the past, despite how you may think it is, to them that's not enough. And here's the thing that anybody who not only has trauma, but also knows it. If what people think we say or how we act as problematic, it is very likely that we know, and we've known for a long time now. And here's where the misunderstanding of trauma comes into play, because people tend to think that if you know it's an issue, then fix it is a viable solution. Sorry to tell anyone who thinks this, but that's not how this works. This matter isn't something that can be fixed overnight. It's something that may never really be fixed. It isn't some disease that'll get better over time. It's physical, mental, and emotional scars. It's always going to be there. It's just a matter of how the person can be able to manage it going forward. That is the kicker. At least that's why I believe. Trauma is a total bitch. And as someone who has it, I can say that I loathe it with every last breath I draw. It's actually hard to keep being connected with people when you're a time bomb of stress on instinct. And there are people that don't really understand that they themselves are a part of the problem too. Trauma is manageable, but I found it to go more haywire whenever a moment arises where people try to treat me like it's all an act. Because that's what it comes off as. People thinking the best way to go about is to break down the problem of what's going on and put all the blame on you. But for me personally, what that says when I'm in those moments is defend, defend, defend. Ultimately, what I've come to understand is that managing trauma is a two-way street. If you know someone who has had to deal with some level of trauma and for whatever reason out of nowhere they just have an episode, if what you're doing responses and resolving this situation, like trying to talk them down out of it, it's probably not going to work at all. Personally, for trauma like mine, it's better to just let things go. This I don't think is a failsafe for all trauma, but I do think it's one. The person who's traumatized needs to understand that they are actually not in danger. What that actually means is that you just leave them alone for a bit or help them relax by doing something they're comfortable with. It's like this. Let's say you have a hot stove. Normally people who touch it would back away. Anyone with trauma, however, may end up acting out at the stove, burning themselves a little while. The normal reaction to this would be to tell them to stop touching the stove, but anyone who's traumatized isn't thinking rationally at the moment so they don't. However, turning off the stove and having ice and cold water ready in response can help them much better. Every time I go through an episode, I constantly have to deal with people around me see me as a total contonously. I'm convinced that more people really don't know how to deal with different forms of trauma outside the one that's most popular in fiction. I know that's not everyone, as I've met people that while may not have trauma, they do understand ways to diffuse a situation, and for the most part of my case, that's always been helpful. I actually have a friend who said this to me upon bringing up the subject, and I'd like to share it here. You have been hurt in a way that cannot be so easily dismissed. People like you and those like me are treated so much more differently because we do not belong in many groups of society. Nor is there a choice, most must choose to be someone else they are not to fit in. We do not. We choose to be true to ourselves. As for anyone who's actually having to deal with trauma, I got some advice for you as well. I do recommend looking into therapy if you can afford it. If you can't do whatever you can to surround yourself with not just people, but also even pets who help make you feel safe even during an episode. Now when it comes to therapy, I know for many others that is just something they say as if it's actually some sort of cure all for trauma and the go-to method to making you normal. But I actually have gone to therapy, so I'll tell you what it's like without divulging anything specific about my sessions. When I first started doing it, I was tense. I didn't want to talk. I was convinced that some stranger that I just meant couldn't help me deal with anything I went through. Nor did I feel comfortable telling them anything about my personal life. But I wanted to help, so I just took that step and just tried. And after that, I had little by little become more open about myself and as time went on, it was pretty clear why. Even if a therapist is a toll stranger, you need to share your personal life too. They're also trying to help guide you through it and help you feel better about all of it. They're helping you work through it as opposed to constantly dealing with it all by yourself. I honestly have to say if a therapist was something I had at my school that I could go to about my life, I could have gotten the help I needed much sooner. Even still, I don't think therapy is a cure all as my past still affects me to this day. That's why I wanted to make it clear to the people who don't have trauma. If you're not actually helping, you are a part of the problem. It's a two way street and someone like me is more than willing to fix themselves, but the people around them have to understand that this isn't a one person show. It requires help on both sides. And if you don't know how to help someone who's traumatized, look into it. Learn more about it because if what you're doing isn't helping them get through it without antagonizing others around them, it's not helping.