Hello guys and welcome to what is going to be talking about my schizophrenia too. I've been wanting to make this for a while actually but I didn't feel like I had enough material and I can't keep talking about something if I don't have anything to say about it. I feel like I do now and I'm going to share that with you finally. First though, I recognize the shirt here. I don't know if it shows in the webcam but it's actually the same one I wore. Put up the pictures as well just for nostalgia. This shirt is actually way too small now. I don't feel like I fit in it anymore. I gained some weight in a good way. What's left of my schizophrenia? Well, I've been slowly working towards normality or what you want to call it. Starting to do more and more, actually cleaning up after myself. Sometimes wearing crocs when I'm washing the floor. Basically all this boring shit that nobody wants to do but they do it anyway and they just don't think about it. I'm starting to do more of those things. And starting to learn how to enjoy it too which is really nice. Physical activity has really helped me a lot. A lot because once you get into a habit of moving around a lot, then sitting still actually starts becoming difficult. Then you have all that surplus energy and you can use it for positive things. For example cleaning could be going out, could be working even. Studying, whatever. Maybe not studying because you don't want to sit still. Or you do want to. You know what I mean. Anyway, symptoms. What do I have left? I noticed that the festival when I got really stressed, the hallucinations actually started coming back. It's not as bad as it was but I was hearing footsteps and people talking that were there seeing things out of the corner of my eye. But at the same time, because I'd been through it before, I was aware that it wasn't real. There are a lot of people who think you can't be aware that your hallucinations aren't real. But it's quite possible to do that. Misconception, I guess. Yeah, I had some of that but I think that was probably related to sleep deprivation as well. Which definitely hasn't helped plus the stress and you know all my trigger factors rolled up in one. Pretty much. Yeah, just did that. But at the same time, I kind of got through it and I'm completely fine now. So I'm not just better at coping with it but I'm better at recovering as well. So I don't have to spend so much time holding up in my room doing nothing. Which is really positive because the more stuff I can do that isn't just sitting here. It's the better. So yeah, that's where I'm also starting all those projects with Matt Skill's TV and the pole playing. Even though I feel like I'm struggling with it sometimes, keeping track of all the stuff I'm supposed to do and talking to people and promoting him and that sort of thing. But at the same time, it's almost like a job. So it's good practice at doing something. I keep talking about this. I don't know why. Anyway, what else do I have? Well, I'm still really bad at keeping appointments. I don't know if that's even related but I guess it's worth mentioning. I was never good at keeping appointments because my memory is actually that's been getting better too. Which is really nice but still not, you know, as good as I'd like it to be. I like stuff that I think might be a month away. It's up being tomorrow. For example, I just noticed my friend's birthday is this Saturday. I thought it was next month. I can't keep track of things. As soon as I try using a calendar, it just kind of fades out. The ambivalence is actually... and that's pretty funny. It's actually almost gone. It only happens when I'm stressed. And even then, I'm usually able to power through it and do whatever I'm supposed to do anyway. I think that has a lot to do with me getting some purpose, some direction. I know what I want to do now. Or not what I want to do but I know what I decided to do which is almost as good. And still way better than doing nothing. So I'm quite pleased with that even. So it's not like you have to live your dream to feel like you have purpose. It's enough to feel like you're doing what you want for yourself. Or something that you've decided that you need. And I think that's been working out for me. Social relations and stuff. It's been getting a lot better too. You guys are pretty good at boosting my confidence, I guess. Other than that, well this YouTube thing is just insane. I go on your everyday and click around and read messages and comments. I'm sorry I don't always respond to them because when I get so many, they don't always show up in my inbox. And I have to check through each video to find them for some reason. Unless there's some setting I can change. 300,000 views. Like on that talking about my schizophrenia video. Holy shit. It almost makes me want to take it down because I never expected that many people to see me in a mental hospital talking about being fucking crazy. But it's there and I'm hearing that a lot of people are benefiting from it. So I'm going to leave it up as is. And I... Yeah. One thing that I'd like to talk about as well is that I've been getting some requests for my art. That I'm... I actually stopped doing any after I left the hospital because I've been doing other stuff. But if you want it, you can kind of... you can have it. All I'm asking is you pay for shipment really. And now I have to be careful what I say now because I'm going to get a shit ton of requests. But... Guess it's out there now. First come first serve. Yeah. I think that's pretty much about it. I'm starting school after this summer. It's going to be strange going back there. I wonder what I'm going to tell people to do. It always gets a bit awkward when you get to that point in the conversation where you have to tell people that you're in a hospital and not housed for a whole year. That's... that was actually more awkward than it was telling when I was there because at that point they would just kind of like, Oh, yeah, we shouldn't talk about that then. Now it's like, oh, what happened? And I'm getting all those questions that I spent so much time trying to avoid back in the day. But at the same time, I do have the resources to deal with them now. So... That's nice. And I'm sorry if I've been a little bit incoherent this video. I've had a lot of stuff that I wanted to say and I didn't really know how to put all of it. So I just kind of jumbled it together and here it is. I hope you enjoyed the video and I will be seeing you guys around for the Roskill the Festival video, which should be uploaded as soon as I get a kid a hold of my friend's iPhone. Bye guys and thanks for watching.