Things are going great for me. I found a cure to my insomnia recently. I downloaded a white noise app that plays the sound of parents fighting. I'm not depressed, but sometimes I stand in front of my microwave just to shave off a few years. My vibe is postpartum, but I haven't had any kids. I think the tar pay would be a dope name for a heroin recovery center. I feel like there probably aren't too many murder mystery dinners in Compton. Being hungry and horny at the same time is confusing. It's like, which hole should I fill first? Some dudes wish they could suck their own dick. I relate because I wish I could kiss my own forehead. Thank you. The only rating I've ever been surprised with is a caulk ring. OK. Some of you like that. Some of you looked at me like I'm an unlovable whore. And it hurt. I'm single. I'm single because the last man I dated, kissed me goodbye before he left for VR War. He was waiting to find out where he was going to be deployed. It was the living room. He came back from the living room, said, baby, be patient. Once, man, I haven't been the same since I watched some of my friends log off. He's also my ex because after I fucked him, I caught him staring into space, listening to the Batman soundtrack. The last time I told this joke, a man yelled, which Batman? What I'm saying is that this pussy took him straight to Gotham City. It turned him into an orphan vigilante. If you call your wine mommy, juice, you shouldn't have had kids. Bone broth, discuss me. Bone broth sounds like the name for the wet spot on your sheets after sex. Like, I don't think you should be drinking that. I'm single. I'm on the dating apps and it's a nightmare. I'll give you an example of what I mean. Recently, a dating app suggested I give an aging stunt man a chance. And there's truly nothing worse than the thought of dating an aging stunt man, because it's an actor and a jock combined. So you're getting all the narcissism of an actor with all the traumatic brain injury of a jock. You guys go to get in the car heroes over the top of it. Jake, just get in the fucking car. Ever time he gets concussion, he's like, fuck, yes, still got it. No dating and loss, Angela, this is a nightmare. The last four men I've gone on dates with have had photos of themselves as children as the wallpapers of their phones. When I ask them why, they say it's because they're reparenting themselves. And if that's the cost of men working on themselves, I'd rather that they just don't. I can't really have a problem like a man. Get a drinking problem, a gambling addiction, start a secret family. I went to my first strip club recently. Only some of you like today's. I went to my first strip club recently. Okay, two horny guys calm down. And I loved it. I loved it because it was the exact same sensation as going to the duck park. And the duck's only like you when you have bread. And there's always one duck trying to get all of your bread. There's other ducks here too. There's a lot of similarities between a duck park and a strip club. For example, if you kidnap a duck, no one does anything. Oh, too real. Recently I was at my parents' house in the entire time I was there. I noticed that my dad was just watching the weather. I thought it was weird because the weather's just on our phones. And then I realized that he was watching the weather for the weather woman. Weather women are porn stars for boomers. Their names are insane. Misty mountains. Are you trying to flock me or tell me whether or not I need to bring a sweater to work? My dad's always watching the weather but he never knows the weather. It'll be 45 degrees out. He's in flip flops and shorts. It's going on, Steve. I'm a stoner, any other stoners? Okay, we like that. I'm a stoner but I don't flock with incense. Because what is it? The dirty, burnt, fragrant branch. Use to cover up the scent of sex, pot, and lies. But it never fully covers up the scent of sex and lies. For example, the Catholic Church. I've been using a lot of incense for a really long time. Still can't cover up the scent of sex and lies. But Catholic also makes no sense to me. It's like if you're trying to get me to join your religion, maybe start by upgrading your fucking bread. I guess stupid do you think I am. I'm supposed to believe that this tasteless wafer is the body of Christ. Maybe if you hit me with a chabada, bitch come through with some fakasha. If you give me a Hawaiian sweet roll, I would 1000% believe that that shit was the body of Christ. I'm going to leave you guys with this. I don't know if you've seen this but a lot of celebrities have fragrance. Billy Eilish has a fragrance. Beyonce has a fragrance. I started thinking how come comedians don't have fragrances. And it's because we're not sexy enough. Like no one wants to smell like Amy Schumer. If Amy Schumer had a fragrance, it would smell like hot dogs and other people's jokes. If Joe Rogan had a fragrance, it would smell like elk and jalapenos. If Carlos Mincee had a fragrance, it would smell like elk and jalapenos. Donnie Depp has a fragrance called Savage Pronounced Sovage. If Crystalia had a fragrance, it would be called Underage. Louis D.K. had a fragrance and wouldn't smell like anything. It just would squirt you in the eye. Thank you guys and Sarah. Sarah Winshake.