Please welcome Norm McDonald, everybody. Hey Norm! Hey Norm! Yeah, they love you Norm. They love you. They love you. That's enough. You're making Norm nervous, guys. He's got nervous, not yet. I hate to see you, but I've seen you in such a long time. Yeah, I used to have it. When you used to do the Drew Carey... What? Give him a chance. No, listen, before you... There was a cra- Craig used to be on a show called the Drew Carey show. Yeah, that's right. And you did the show right next door. Yeah, yeah. The Norm McDonald show right next door. And then I remember you were like... We had trailers and I always be in my trailer. I like to go to my trailer and smoke cigarettes. Yeah, that's right. And then you'd be in your trailer, and you'd be writing movies, and then directing movies, and then you'd be writing books. Yeah, yeah, because I was trying to not smoke. But people are way laid by your laid back game. They don't realize what a furnace of ambition you are. Hey! That's true. I am. I'm sick when they say it. That's what it is. Yeah, listen, you don't smoke anymore. You look healthy. I quit smoking. Yeah, I read that on the side of the thing. Is it dangerous? It can kill you. Yeah, I realized I was smoking all the time. And it's like you smoke and you don't even get high. Well, you can't... They're not mutually exclusive. You can get high and smoke. You have to make a choice. No, I'm saying the cigarettes do not... Oh, get you high. Yeah. Well, you can... There's a substance you can put in them, though, if you want. Oh, yeah, no. I don't do drugs or alcohol or anything. That is what you used to be. I thought you were alcoholic. Gosh, no! No, but that's cool, because you're recovering. Well, slowly. Yeah, in fact, one of the heaviest nights I ever had drinking was the crazy horse slip strip tea. Well, I'm laying inside the screw and everything. And I tell you about booze, though. I had never drank. I drank three times in my life. And the second time I drank, I was like, about 17, and I was in a bar, and I was drinking. And then a guy handed me these pills, and I ate them, and I drank, you know? Yeah, I know exactly what you're talking about. And then I blacked out. This is going perfectly. Like so far. Yeah. So then I woke up, and this is my only... My second time drinking, I woke up, and I was in a rehab. And what had happened is, I had a guy that was a actual alcoholic, like you. Oh, yeah, yeah. He befriended me when I was all crazy drunk, and we each checked into the rehab, and then they took my clothes, and they only gave me a robe. For what night? Three nights, I just said. I had to drink for 15 years before I got that. You're a really fast learner. Would you think you stopped, because you thought, oh, this stuff's dangerous for me then? I better not get involved in this. Yeah, I don't like things where you take them, and then you vomit. Like, you know what? I wish I'd met you, and I was younger, man. You're going to talk me right out of it. Well, like, if I ate a ham sandwich, and I threw up for four hours, I'd never eat a ham sandwich again. You make a decent point. You should go around rehabs, telling people this. Yeah, yeah. That's good. You're looking cheap, though, man. You used to be quite thin, but you look kind of like, like, you've been working out and stuff. You've been working out? My abs, you mean? Sure. Yeah. Have you been working out? Have you got one of them, and I have things? You know, like that? Those abs, like those crunches? Yeah, like a crunch machine. Oh, mostly I work on my latissimus dorsi. I don't speak the French, pal. So you're going to have to take me through it. They're the back muscles. Oh, where are you going? Yeah, and then you're back, like, wings come up? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're growing wings? You're working out so much of growing wings? Yeah, let's say I look like a griffin' about to pounce. Wow, you're scared, Minor. He used to be so mild, man, or no, you're like a roided up gym rat. No, I've never worked out in my life. Never once? I did it three times, but I blacked out and woke up in a rehab. That was a good time when you were there. Though, who else? Arty Lang was working with us. Yeah, a great, Arty Lang was there. He's terrific. How's he doing? He's doing all right. All right, I have a big fan of him. Yeah, yeah. You still friendly with him? I am. You tell my son, I like that. I like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You still do Howard's show as well, J.J.? What? Howard, you know, Howard Starrer's. Oh, did you do heroin? Do you do heroin? Do you do heroin? Do you do heroin tonight? You don't do heroin. I did it at Howard's turn show. Right, that's what I was going to say to you, dude. I don't mean to you do heroin, doesn't it? You know what I mean? No, I mean. Yeah, yeah, no, he's hard to do, you know, because he's, he'll hypnotize you. Have you done the show? I did it once, yeah. I listened to the show, though. I'm a fine-hurt star. I think... He's a great man. Wow, he's very impressed. He speaks to you, and also you're in a little close plane. You don't realize people are listening, and sometimes you say something quite revealing. Yeah, no. What, like, you do heroin, not kind of that? Because that's going to make the websites tomorrow in North Italia. No, I've never done, I've never done drugs. You know what, save me from everything? Oh, look, it's Jeffrey. Yeah, Jeffrey is the right guy. Jazz hands. All right, let's see him, man. Let's see the jazz hands. Yeah, exactly. He's very disappointed in appliance. Have you ever bought an appliance you thought was going to be thrilling and it's actually disappointing? Oh, yeah, about a toaster. Yeah, well, that's a very similar idea. In fact, the toaster's more useful. Wow! Yeah, he's head moves. Oh, my goodness. Yeah, yeah. Do it again, move your head. Yeah, there you go. You're going to get one of those. Yeah, he's got the comic timing of a young Fred Allen. No, he's got the comic timing of a young Sid James. Sid James, I love Sid James. Yeah, you guys hilarious. Yeah, but not anybody. You ever see Carry On Camping? Yes, of course. I grew up in those movies. Of course, you're Canadian. You'll have seen those. Yeah, yeah, I love all those movies. There were a lot of, they were like camp kind of a raunchy British comedies from the 50s and 60s. Yeah, yeah. Lots of people going, Oh, who lost mine, you know? Like a lady would walk in with two melons. Yeah, he's going like, like Mike Myers did a bunch of that when he was doing the Austin power. So he was doing a lot of, you know, melon and fruit related comedy, which I had seen in the Carry On film. But didn't you find the Carry On film as a child very arousing? Yes. Yes, when you see attractive women walking around with melons, it's like walking around a crazy horse strip, he's salooning in Adelaide. Hey, listen, it's normal. We're completely out of time. So, let's do an awkward pause on Mouth organ. Oh, you got a mouth organ? I got one for you, sailor, sure. Yeah, can you play? No, I can't play, but I can sing a Bob Dylan song. All right, do it. Can you sing and have the organ in your mouth at the same time? Because that's a trick I've only seen done once before. It was a few years ago in Australia. Wait, wait, are you ready? Yeah, yeah, yeah, down the side. Where is it this side? Yeah, the same in the whole. Yeah. Oh, whoa. Slow down, slow down. Oh, you're going out like you hate it. Oh, okay, yeah. Yeah, there we go. I don't think Morgan Freeman will have a snake cup at his house. Oh, really? Maybe he already has one. Maybe he'll give him one as a gift by one of his sprang. I want you to give me a snake cup. I'll give you a snake cup, young lady, yeah. Oh, sorry, sorry, man. Dirty Craig. I am not dirty. I said I'll give you a snake cup and you will receive one and you will enjoy it. I bet I will. You would. I bet I would. You would. Yeah. As well. Well, what would you prefer? I prefer to have both my arms and have a movie made about myself. But what's the movie going to be about? It's some chick with two arms. Who cares about that? It'll be about some chick with a snake cup. Yeah, but that's not the type of movie you want people to see. Or is it? Oh, no. I find it very difficult to talk to you. Is it the shoulder? No, it's not the shoulder. Well, the shoulder is part of it. What's the other part? All the other parts. Bleshing a little bit. No, you're not. Bleshing on me. No, no, no, no. How do you know I'm not? Because I know you, then. You don't blush easy. You do that with your chin.