Back in the day, my family used to be poor self. Now I'm being honest, no toys, no clothes, the kitchen. If you could even call it a kitchen, it was so empty of groceries. So empty that the roaches that we had, we'd actually be stealing food from them. And you know what? It wasn't too bad because even though we were poor as shit and couldn't afford most of the luxuries of the world, I still had ways of getting what I wanted, you know. Not with money, not by blackmailing people, but by reading. Yeah, just reading books. Because back in my school, we had these things called accelerated reading points or, you know, AR points for short. There were these points you got just from reading the book, taking a test on the book, and then based on how long the book was, that's how many AR points you got. AR points, there were like the gold currency in school, you know. The people with the highest amounts of AR points were treated like kings. All right, absolute royalty. Now anything you wanted can be granted to you so long as you had the AR points for it. Trips the fancy restaurants, trips the five star amusement parks. Man, you wanted the hot English teacher to suck your dick. Fine. As long as you read the books and took the test, it was all possible. It was a poor kid's dream. You know, I need rich parents or a lucky shot at the lottery. All I needed to do was read and keep reading. Now, now a lot of times, school had bonus rewards for the kids that, you know, we're in like the top 10 highest AR points, which now I was in the top five and sometimes the top one. But once I graduated to middle school, everything changed. I remember walking up to the library and like the little shit that I was that I was like, yeah, my name is Gregory, great six. I'll redeem my bonus rewards right now, please. And she looks at me with this funny face and she's like, you do know you're not in the top 10, right? And I'm like, that, that, that what, what, what did you just say? You're not in the top 10 and she shows me the list. And I'm wondering, wait a minute, is this the top 10 list for the AR points or the memorial service for the kamikaze pilots during Pearl Harbor? Because every person on that list was Asian. All right, no matter how hard I tried that whole sixth grade year, I can never get back into the top 10. Not even the top 20. These Asian kids were like super computers. A normal kid like me, you know, a normal kid like me will get a bit tired after even for a while. You know, I'd be like, oh, I've been reading warrior cats for a few hours. Time to go play outside or something. These Asian kids would be like, oh, I've been reading warrior cats for a few hours. Time to read the dictionary. Now, with how fast they read the books, I was wholeheartedly convinced that they ripped the pages out of the books, ate them, and then gained all of its knowledge. You know, another thing is they had an advantage over me. Now, I'm not even making any excuses. No, they had an advantage over me. You see, a lot of the big AR points books in my school were like these thick fantasy books, like Harry Potter that my mom didn't approve of. Being the super religious island person that she was, she'd always say, not bring non-magic book up in YAH. You know, she and Mike books about magic, books that had demons, monsters, nothing. You know, the only fantasy book that I was able to convince her to let me read was Narnia. And that's mostly because Aslan, you know, the big lion niggin' in the Narnia books was like a metaphor for Jesus Christ or something like that. But one day, I crashed. You know, I couldn't take it anymore. Now, I needed to regain my former glory of being a top 10 AR pointer. I needed that bonus reward high. So, you know, I went to the fantasy fiction section, grabbed the first fat book I can find. I even looked at it until I got to the checkout line, and I saw the cover of it. Twilight. And if I were to read this book, I'd have to be moving around my house, like Splinter Cell. I had under no circumstances. Can my mom find out I was reading the book about vampires, right? And I'll be honest. But first, I started reading the book. I was kind of afraid. Seem how adamant my mom was about not reading books like these. I thought that the moment I opened the book, some demons would just hop out and slaughter my whole family. Or, you know, I could possess or something like that. But no. And in fact, I fell in love with the book Twilight and the whole Twilight series. And more than that, I fell in love with the vampire Gothic romance genre. And then I started hoarding books like Vladimir Todd, of Blueblood, vampire catapult. Anything that had vampires and romance, I was magnetized to. And I read all these vampire love books. I was also kind of thrown into the, I guess, romantic era of my life. I started listening to more love songs, started watching more love movies, started taking showers once a week, instead of once a month. So, you know, I could start talking to women. And even though I was still taking the air attempts for the books, I almost forgotten entirely about being in the top 10, or even how many AR points I had in general. Until one day, as I was checking out Eclipse in the school library, it just finally got in after some fat bitch, who would never get any type of the love that she was reading in that book. She finally checked in the book after like five months. And the librarian tells me, Congrats, you're one of my top 10 AR pointers. And I couldn't believe it. I didn't even mean to do it. I was just like, just don't found it like, how? But that day, I went home with my head held high, you know, doing little mini dances and, you know, singing to myself on a bus. When I got home, I put Eclipse on living room table and then I headed into the bathroom to take a victory fist. But wait a minute. Did you hear what I just said? No, you didn't because you weren't paying attention. I put Eclipse on the living room table while I was in a bathroom emptying my bladder. I heard like this weird breathing. I'm like, what is that? What's that breathing noise? It sounds like some sort of enraved rhino. And me still being the happy ball of joy that I was. I left the bathroom and then I saw the most horrifying image. I'd ever witnessed in my entire life. My mom, my Eclipse book, both within approximately a zero inch proximity of one another. She had that book vice grip in her left hand. Eyes looking deep into my soul. I've never heard of the nickname of the event that started the American Revolutionary War. It's called the Shot Heard Round the World. All right, well that day, when my mom found my Eclipse book, I got to ask Beaton, heard round the world. Woohoo, quarter of a million subscribers. We finally did it guys. Yay, woohoo. Let's see what's changed, all right? I still live in the same house. I still haven't gotten my first piece of ass. Yeah, I'm 21. I know what's kind of sad. I know. YouTube's not sending me my 100,000 subscriber plaque. I should have gotten last year because I guess my channel's too edgy or something like that. But you know what? Addendum today, bro, even though I'm a complete fucking loser, I guess I made it to 250,000 subscribers, bro. They can't hold me for that when, bro. Anyways, thank you guys so much for subscribing and liking throughout the, I think it's been like what, four, five, six years I've been on YouTube. I don't fucking know. But yeah, I love all of you. Thank you so much. I'm so glad I don't have to get a real job. Hahaha, hahaha. I thank you so much. Again, I have a Twitter and Instagram. I hope you guys join me there because I get very lonely at the night times. That's pretty much it. You have a great day and a great night. Bye-bye. Uh-oh-oh-oh. I know. I know. I'm a sinner. Can you blame me though? I was just trying to hit my... Hey, baby. Hey, brother. Oh. I can come to saw the red I know I'm a sir I got a billy and different headbands I saw the kiddo miss like I know