I think I'm fucking here to clip my gun to plane with here. The next guy up, this kid is a great up-and-coming. I think you're going to enjoy him a lot. Please welcome the stage, Mr. Seth Rogan. Hello. I'm Seth Rogan and I'm a former Playgirl centerfold model. Okay, I'm not. But I am Jewish. Now, often people ask me, Seth, what is the most difficult thing about being Jewish? I think thousands of years of persecution and torture done unto us by racist people. And I know I'd have to say the most difficult thing about being Jewish would be the grandparents. Now I'll give it to you. All grandparents are difficult, but Jewish grandparents are special. They're pure bread and pain, compressed into small wrinkly bodies. Take my grandparents, for example. Now, most grandparents argue, mine argue too, but my grandparents are deaf. So they don't have any idea what the other person's arguing about. They'll be sitting there, my grandma. Kelly, ask me the pillow. What? I'm an amadillo. Why are you calling me this animal? I'm not wearing flannel. But I learned how to communicate with them because once they asked them for a cup of milk, I got 20 bucks. So, just had summer. Now, this summer I had the honor of going to summer camp. But it was no ordinary summer camp. It was Jewish camp. It's a summer camp for Jews. I know you're thinking, no, it's not that bad. It's a concentration camp. Well, there were some bad parts to it. I mean, the TVs didn't get cable all the time. And once for an entire day, our pool had no heating in it whatsoever. But we do do normal stuff. We do do things in normal camps do. Like, we sing around the campfire. But frankly, it's a Jewish camp. What do you think we sing about? We sing about death and bowel movements. There's one song we sing about the Titanic singing. The kids, husbands and wives, little children lost their lives. It was said when the great ship went down. Iehah! Now, do we need that Iehah? To me, that's kind of like cheering for a priest after a U.A.G. And like I said, the songs that aren't about death are just disgusting. There's one song we sing goes. There were five, five, constipated man in the Bible. And the first, first, constipated man was Cain. He wasn't able. And the second, second, constipated man was Moses. He took two tablets. I'll spare you the other three. But it is good being Jewish because I have the honor of having my bar mitzvah. Or as us Jews like you refer to it as the second most important BM. Now, my war mitzvah I notice something about old Jewish women. Now, as old women get older, hair on their head gets thinner gradually. But most women will thin discreetly, not Jewish women. They take a little hair they have left on their head and they just puff it out. So they get these gigantic old women afros. But it's real thin, right? So when the light hits it at a certain angle, you just see right through it. And you kind of can picture what these women look like, start bald. And it's not a pretty sight. Try to picture Gandhi in a blue floral dress. Yeah, but now school has started. Love school. Now, I think the public education system is failing us. What's the first thing we learn when we go to school? The alphabet. Always learn the alphabet. How come all of us have learned the alphabet so many years ago? We still have to do this. Looking up a name in the phone book. It's called Smith. ABCD-EFGHK-L-M-O-P-Q-R-S. ABCEFGHGHK-L-M. My school is lucky though. My school has the honor of being located in year 7-11. Now, there's the owner of the 7-11's name Eugene. The owner of 7-11 are a shaky machine. He doesn't like us particularly very much. We don't like him particularly very much. So who went to 7-11 last week? For yesterday? You don't really care what? We went to 7-11 and we saw they have suggestion cards. 7-11's suggestion card with postage prepaid. We figure, mail it in and someone's career. We went to town with these babies. Feeling about Eugene tried to sell me crack in a double bubble wrapper. At Take One Class in school, I take PE. I take more than one class. One, for example, is PE. It's physical education. The class where you're supposed to be physically educated. That's not what you learn in this class. What you do learn is that after a hard day of school, you can make any sport out there full content. Take Badminton, for example. Why don't you get that racket in your hands? You can't shake the thought of what a good weapon this thing would be if you use rock. Playing your going, one love. I don't hate sports. I like sports. I play rugby myself. Now this is just a stupid sport. When you're going to touch down in this sport, it's called a try. It's in tricycle, triangle. How many points do you think a try is worth? Five points. Yeah, so winter is coming up. I like to go to Whistler or Winter. You've been to Whistler? They have Whistler Village. Now what you can go so far is call this place a village. Now, like, what is this village going to have? E-O-O-G. I mean, most villages will have a village bomb. What do they have? The Whistler Village guy without a range rover. And villages have horses and carriages trying to do the town. Whistler has that, but it's 50 bucks a pot. Now, there's one more thing. I learned in social studies the other day. I learned that when two people fall in love, the symbol for this love, the little naked man shooting an arrow through your heart. This is the best way to symbolize love. I'm a picture myself now in 20 years. I never go for this. I'm proposing to my future wife, darling, I love you, and I want you to marry me. I'm Seth Rogen. Have a good night, everybody. I tell you to keep it going one more time for Seth Rogen, but you've hardly stopped here.