Chapter 8 The Humbug Volunteers Couldn't need another thing, puffed the dude clutching his stomach. Oh my, oh dear, agreed the minister of breeding with great difficulty. Mmm, mumble the Earl, desperately trying to swallow another mouthful. Thoroughly stuffed side the count, loosening his belt, full out, run to the other sec, theory reaching for the last cake. As everyone finished, the only sounds to be heard were the creaking chairs, the pushing of plates, the licking of spoons, and of course, a few words from the humbug. A delightful repast, delicately prepared and elegantly served, he announced to know it in particular. Feast a rare bouquet, my compliments to the chef, my all means, my compliments to the chef. Then with the most distressed look on his face, he turned a mylo and gasped, which you kindly fetch me a glass of water. I seem to have a touch of indigestion. Perhaps you've eaten too much too quickly, mylo, or myard sympathetically, too much too quickly, too much too quickly, weasely uncomfortable bug between gulfs. To be sure, too much too quickly, I most certainly should have eaten too little too slowly, or too little too quickly, we're taking all the day to eat nothing, or eating everything in no time at all, or occasionally eating something any time, we'll perhaps, and he toppled back, exhausted. And he was chairing, continued to mumble and distinctly. Attention, let me have your attention! Incisited the king leaping to his feet and pounding the table, the command was entirely unnecessary, for the moment he began to speak everyone but mylo talking, the distraught bug rushed from the hall, down the stairs and out of the palace. Well, subjects and friends continued his ads as voice echoing in the almost empty room. Once again, on this gallant occasion we pardon me, cuff mylo, as politely as possible, but everyone's gone. I'm so big, no one would notice, except the king sadly, happens every time. They've all gone to dinner and out to the humbug weekly, and as soon as I catch my breath, I shall join them. That's ridiculous, how can they eat dinner right after a banquet asked mylo? Scanless shot at the king! We'll put a stop to it once, for now one by royal command, everyone must eat dinner before the banquet! But that's just as bad, protested bylo, you mean just as good corrected the humbug. Things which are equally bad are also equally as good, try to look at the bright side of things. I don't know what side to look at anymore. I don't know which side of anything to look at protested bylo, everything's so confusing. All your words only make things worse. How true has said the unhappy king, resting his regal shed on his royal fist as he thought, fondly of the old days. There must be something we can do about it. Past the law, the humbugs suggested brightly, we have almost as many laws as words grumbled the king. Offerer reward offered the bug again, the king shook his head with satire and satire. Send for help, drive a bargain, pull the switch, file a brief, lower the boom, tow the line, raise the bridge, bar the door, shout at the bug, jumping up and down and waving his arms, any promptly sat down as the king clashed furiously in this direction. Perhaps you might allow rhyme and reason to return to my loath softly for keeping waiting for such an opportunity to suggest it. How nice that would be, said his ass, straightening up and adjusting his crown. Even if they were a bother at times, things always went so well when they were here. As he spoke, he leaned back on the throne, clasping his hands behind his head, stared thoughtfully at the ceiling. But I'm afraid it can't be done. Certainly not, can't be done, repeated the humbug. Why not ask my loath? Why not indeed, and slaying the bug, who seemed equally at home on either side of the argument? Much too difficult replied the king. Of course, emphasize the bug, much too difficult. You could, if you really wanted to, insist at my loath. By all means, if you really wanted to, you could. The humbug agreed. How, as does Anzac glaring at the bug, how inquired my loath looking the same way. A simple task began the humbug, suddenly wishing he were somewhere else. For a brave lad with a stout heart, a step fast dog, a visceral small automobile. Go on, command the king. Next please, seconded my loath. All that he would have to do, continued the worried bug, is travel through miles of harrowing and hazardous countryside, into unknown valleys and uncharted forests. Pastionic chasms and trackless waste until he reached digitableness, if of course he ever reached there. Then he would have to persuade the mathematician to agree to release the little princesses, and of course he never agreed anything that you agreed with. And anyway, if he did, he certainly wouldn't agree to it. From there, it's a simple matter of entering the mountains of ignorance, full of perilous pitfalls and ominous overtones, a land of which many venture, but few return in whose evil demons slither slowly from peak to peak in search of prey. Then an effortless climb, up a two thousand-step circular stairway, without railings, in a high wind at night, for in those mountains, it is always night, to the castle in the air. He paused momentarily for a breath. Then began again. After a pleasant chat with the princesses, all that remains is a leisurely ride back through those cattic cracks, his frightening themes of sword and tear, any intruder, limb from the land, and devour him down to his belt buckle, and finally, after the long ride back, a triumphal parade, if of course there was anything left to parade, followed by hot chocolate and cookies for everyone. The humbug bowed lowly and sat down once again and very pleased with himself. I never realized it would be so simple, simply stroking his beard, smiling broadly. Quite simple indeed, compared to bug. Sounds dangerous to me, said Milo. Most dangerous, most dangerous, mobile humbug still trying to be in agreement with everybody. Who make the journey, as talk? We've been listening very carefully to the humbug's description. A very good question replied the king. But there is one far more serious problem. What is it, as Milo is rather unhappy at the turn of the conversation taking? I'm afraid I can tell you that only when you return. Cry the king. Black thing is hands three times, as he did so. The waiter is rushed back into the room and quickly cleared away the dishes, the silverware, the tablecloth, the table, the chairs, the banquet hall, and the palace, leaving them all suddenly standing in the marketplace. Of course you realize that I would have to make the trip myself, continued his ass, striding across the square as if nothing had happened. But since it was your idea, you, Chauhan, all the honor and fame. But you see, begin Milo, diction- diction upless will always be grateful, my boy, interrupted the king. You're throwing one arm around Milo and patting talk with the other. You'll face many dangers on your journey, but fear not for I have brought you this for your protection. He drew from its eye his cape a small, heavy box about the size of schoolbook handed it ceremoniously to Milo. In this box are all the words I know. He said, most of them you will never need. Long you will use constantly, but with them you may ask all the questions which have never been answered, and answer all which have never been asked. All the great books of the past and all the ones yet to come are made with these words. With them there is no obstacle you cannot overcome. All you must learn to do is use them well and in the right places. Milo accepted the gift with thanks and the little group walked to the car, still part of the edge of the square. You will of course need a guide, said the king, and since he knows the obstacle so well the hump bug has cheerfully volunteered to accompany you. Now see here, cry of a struggle bug for that was the last thing in the world he wanted to do. You will find him dependable, brave, resourceful and loyal continue his ass, and the hump bug was so overcome by the flattery that he quite forgot to object again. I am sure he will be a great help cried Milo as they drove across the square. I hope so thought talk to himself for he was far less sure. Good luck! Good luck! You be careful! Shout out to the king and down the road they went. Milo and talk wondered what strange adventures lay ahead of the hump bug speculated on how we had ever become involved in such a hazardous undertaking and the crowd waved and cheered wildly for it while they did not care at all about anyone arriving. They were always very pleased to see someone go. End of chapter 8.