Hi, this is Dr. Gary. Welcome to the Daily Tune-Up today. Many of us as we live our lives, as we go through events, people do things to us and there's never any recovery from it because what they've done becomes somewhat devastating. It can happen with divorces, affairs, businesses, when someone betrays us. Many times I talk to people who are just raging with anger because they are holding a grudge or holding something against someone else because it's changed their life and had a devastating effect. A lot of times people ask me, what do you do about that? What do you do about this anger, this frustration, this lack of the ability to forgive someone? How do you do that? Easier said than done. You know, just yesterday I talked to a young man who is going through this and it's had devastating effects on his psychological health, his emotional health, his financial health and this is an accessible individual. This is someone who is extremely successful and has had great success in their life but it's devastated them. What do we do about stuff like that or what do we do about a death in the family and who you thought was your friends and people that supported you? All of a sudden betray you for money. What do you do about that? What about somebody who has found out their spouse is having an affair and all of a sudden they are divorced and they had not a clue what was going on, everything was moving along just fine. But that third wheel there, you look at that person like, wow, they ruined my life. What do you do about that? How do you manage life after a devastating life changing event like that? Well, there's a simple answer and it's not forgiveness. The answer is you deep down inside yourself have to accept the fact that things happen and many times bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people. We have no control over that. There's only two things you have control of in your life when it comes down to this kind of stuff. Oh yes, you can forgive them. Whatever that means, we've talked about it a lot on here. We've had programs on it with Mind Talk. We're coming up to Thanksgiving here in a few weeks and that's the time of thankfulness and forgiveness. What do you do about that? Well, here's what you do. First of all, you got to take a deep breath and understand that you holding on to it and you focusing on it is ruining your life. And what you do when you focus on it and think of that other person that perpetuated evil on you, you're empowering that. And what empowering means is you're giving it all of your good energy. We only have so much energy to go around. And if you're wasting your energy on focusing on what someone did bad to you and how bad it hurt you and how it's changed your life for the worst, you're really the one destroying your own life. Understanding forgiveness is not saying what that other person did is okay. Forgiveness is not saying, okay, I'm going to let that go. We're talking about letting things go and allowing. This is different. What forgiveness in this instance is, is you deciding you're not going to give it any more of your life, any more of your positive energy towards their negativity. It means that you're going to make a decision today that you're going to move beyond this now and learn from it. You see, one of the reasons we can forgive someone or forgive the past is we haven't learned our lesson from it. I'm not not saying a lesson as I'm reprimanding you for not learning something. I'm saying, what is the lesson? What is the thing that you pulled out of that? What is the pearl and the little bucket of stuff that you got to put your hand deep down in and get it dirty for a minute and feel around until you find that pearl and pull it out and wash it off and say, wow, I learned that. I got that. And you have to do this without being cynical and without tainting your own good intentions and your good will in your life. So what you do about that is make a decision right now that you're not going to give it any more negative energy and attention. And every time you think about that, that's your cue to forcibly and consciously focus your attention on something that makes you feel good. By doing that, what's going to happen is you're going to retrain your consciousness to not go there anymore. Also, that other person that's walking around this earth that perpetuated evil on you, they'll get theirs, the old law of karma, the old law of what goes around comes around. It may not be you that's going to do it to them, but it'll happen. So today, take a deep breath, rest easy because the rest of your life is in front of you and you have a choice today to live it fully and completely by just telling yourself, I'm going to decide right now, I'm not giving any more of that negative energy. I'm going to focus on what I want and what I can do and not empower that person in my life by thinking about it in a negative way anymore. What you're really doing is making a decision, you're not going to give that energy away anymore. And when you start keeping your own positive energy, you're going to start building yourself up and you're going to feel better about it. Sounds simple and it is. So let's give that a shot today. Let's work on that. And until next week, this is Dr. Gary asking you to cut yourself some slack and enjoy the weekend. Bye-bye. .