Hi everyone! Welcome back to my channel. It is Fitness Week 5. So last week I was talking about a gift that I'd gotten anonymously from someone. This is the book that someone sent me. It's entitled He Did Deliver Me From Bondage and I've been getting into it and this is the journal that I'm using for recording things with regards to my mental and emotional health. I sat down and just wrote out all the thoughts that I was having about what was going on and the things that I was struggling with in all different areas. And what I realized is that I've been really overwhelmed with thoughts of all the things that I need to get accomplished and that I need to take care of. And my mind is flooded with these thoughts all the time. When I attempt to make a list, there's just so many things that I get overwhelmed and I procrastinate and I push it off and I push it off and I turn to the things that typically provide me with a sensation of comfort which most oftentimes is food. And it's because I really don't want to tackle what's going on in my head. And so I started reading this book and like I said in my last video, it's a book that will help me deal with overcoming compulsive and addictive behaviors. I'll just read the very first few sentences from it. It says, you promise you'll never do it again. You promise you'll never overeat again. Never hide food again. Never bounce checks again. Never yell at the kids for no reason again. Never. You promise God in anyone who will listen that you'll never repeat your destructive behavior. And you are sincere, heartbreakingly sincere, but repeat them you do and you do and you do. And day after endless day, your life repeats itself. You are caught in a cycle of repentance and relapse. You are in bondage. So that is how I've been feeling and I'm going to be focusing on coming out of feeling that way. I started to make my list and I just let the thoughts flow and I realized that I've just really been overwhelmed with all the tasks that I need to take care of both just mundane, regular, daily household tasks, as well as all the millions of projects that I want to accomplish like DIY, chalk paint transformations and making crafts and other things that aren't essential, but that I have been meaning to tackle and get done for a long time, as well as getting more designing done for my Etsy shop and expanding that into a Facebook page and a group on Kajiji and video editing for all the different things that I'd like to put up on YouTube and just the stress and the sensation of just being overwhelmed with all of the things that I want to do and feeling like I don't have enough time to get everything done that I usually just end up not doing any of it because I can't seem to pick just one thing and tackle it from beginning to end. I have like 15 or 20 different projects that I've started and then I just seem to be addicted to the lore of starting a new project and then not finishing it and so that causes me stress to realize that there's a whole bunch of things that are half finished and not taken care of properly or I will focus all my energy into one thing and then just leave everything else like the dishes will pile up and the laundry will get backed up and I won't have done the floors in a while and then that stresses me out because I feel like I'm not taking care of what I should be taking care of as a state-home life and mother and so all of these things just build up and build up and build up mentally and emotionally with sensations of guilt which then turns to me trying to calm that sense of being overwhelmed with food hiding and eating in secret. So now that I've got everything written down on paper, everything that I'm struggling with that I'd like to accomplish and as I go through this book trying to figure out how to accomplish all of those things I'm going to have that be my focus as opposed to doing weekly weigh-ins because that's another thing that's stressing me out too is the numbers on the scale just so I'm going to take a break from reporting weekly weigh-ins and work on getting these things sorted out reducing that feeling of stress reducing those feelings of being overwhelmed and like I don't have time to do everything and building myself up mentally, emotionally and spiritually so I'm hoping that you will stick with me through this portion of my journey and maybe find some things that I learn about helpful in your journey as well and I am very grateful and thankful for the support that you guys continuously provide for me and the strength and the motivation to keep these videos or documentation of all aspects of my journey coming even though I didn't want to film this today. I did do my makeup and put on a shirt and a sweater and my necklace that I love that you guys have commented on but I'm also wearing the yoga pants that I'm going to be painting a bookshelf with in about five minutes so thank you for sticking with me even though it's not always sunshine rainbows and unicorns I definitely appreciate it you guys take care and I'll talk to you soon bye