Hello everyone and welcome, a happy Sunday to all. Before we get into today's topic, there are a few new members I would like to give a shout out to, and they are Daniel Gothrich, Jill Gomez and 5 star credit nerd Nimmi. Thank you for supporting my channel, it is greatly appreciated. Okay, today I want to talk about the narcissists greatest shame and how they try to escape it. Shame is something that everyone has to deal with at one point or another, and I am hoping that everyone gains a better understanding of shame in general. But of course the emphasis is on narcissists, and shame plays such a major role in their lives. So what are the most ashamed of? Well, in order to answer this we need to understand what shame is. Because shame is usually confused with guilt, but I came across an amazing definition the other day by Brenny Brown on a TED talk where she said that guilt focuses on behavior. It is that feeling we get when we have done something wrong, whereas shame focuses on the self. So it is that feeling we have when we realize we are bad or we are the problem. So guilt is I have done something bad, whereas shame is I am bad or I am the problem. I found her way of breaking it down very interesting to say the least, because basically with that understanding guilt would be more related to our external acts, whereas shame is based off of who we are. Shame is also something that can be kept secret, so that the only person who knows that shame exists is the person carrying it. Nossesses surely do not feel guilt when they lie, cheat and manipulate us. They actually enjoy it. But what they do have is a deep, seated shame. And to put it plainly, the narcissist greatest shame is that they are ashamed of who they really are, which is a dark, miserable shell of a human being. That is what they are ashamed of. And that is another reason why they work so hard to create a false image and false persona. It is because they themselves do not feel like their true self is lovable or acceptable. But the narcissist pride usually stops them from addressing that shame. As a result, there is no venturing down the road or even attempting to address that shame, because for them it is easier to pretend it doesn't exist. Also, they avoid people and situations that will force them to confront that shame of who or what they are. Their remedy to deal with this shame is to bury it as deep as possible. So they need all that fluff, all those achievements and all that stuff to cover up that person they are ashamed of. Which is themselves? As a result, they need it to create for themselves the type of person that they themselves could love. And that is why their image becomes an obsession. They themselves become obsessed with who they pretend to be, all in a bid to distract from who they really are and the feelings of worthlessness that consumes them. Because that feeling of worthlessness is something that plagues them day in and day out. And it is because of the overwhelming shame they have. They know something is wrong with them, but it is too much for them to accept. So living in denial and building a life based on lies and deceit is their escape. This is why they pretend to be everything they are not. This is why they mimic or imitate other people's personalities as their true self they are disgusted by. Which is ironic because they would do all this self-help stuff for their ego and fake self. All the while neglecting that miserable, broken, dark, true self. In the narcissist mind, all that matters is what people can see. While they are inner turmoil and torment is kept hidden. They are deceived by the darkness within that nothing else matters more. So they keep on deceiving not just the people around them, but themselves also. And this is why the stuff they accumulate does not erase the shame they feel. There are many achievements and relationships. Do not erase the shame. Money does not erase the shame. And the longer they live, the more the shame grows. That feeling of shame is the reason why they feel worthless, unsatisfied and miserable. Also all of their fears are connected to the shame, whether it is their fear of being exposed, loneliness or aging. And this is what I explained in this video to show that their greatest fear is shame itself. Basically, at the end of the day, all of their fears are connected to the narcissist experiencing shame. When you expose the narcissist, it awakens that feeling of shame. When you abandon a narcissist, it causes shame to arise. When they get old, when they are criticized, all these are connected to unleashing that feeling of shame. So they live their lives trying to avoid shame, which is understandable as shame is a very uncomfortable feeling. It is a feeling of self-disgust. And who wants to experience that? But there are better ways to deal with that. But narcissists are all about suppressing and pretending. And this is a major reason why they cannot be helped. As they spend most of their lives deflecting and blaming others, they project all their negativity onto others instead of recognizing that they are the problem. It's all about confronting that darkness that plagues their soul, admitting that something is wrong, that they are not perfect or alright. After all, we are no longer deceived that they are happy. They can no longer convince us that they are content with who they pretend to be. There is nowhere to hide anymore. We know what is behind the mask. The fancy clothes, the fake smiles, and all that other stuff. So the only person they are deceiving more than anyone else is themselves. But at the same time, no one can help them or save them from themselves. But all this is to avoid the shame that comes with accepting the truth of who they are, recognizing that they are the ones who need help or that they are the ones who need to change. Therefore, it's a never-ending cycle of projection, suppression, and denial. Just to avoid confronting their deepest fear, which is shame. And their greatest shame that they have is of themselves and who they really are. But to conclude, everyone deals with shame at some point. No one is immune. But with regards to narcissists, they end up living with that shame all the days of their life as they refuse to address it. They refuse to confront their demons and own up to all the evil that they have done. So instead, they continue to live a life of denial and deception. And a lot of their envy is stemmed from the fact that they are ashamed of themselves. Wow, okay, I hope this made sense and that you all found it helpful in some way. As always, I look forward to reading your comments. Thank you for listening.