Welcome to Head Versus Heart and Online Advice column where you guys get to be the judge and the jury I'm going to read out a question and answer it from two perspectives one from the head one from the heart Then in the comments section and in the poll You're going to vote on which you think the questioner should take this week's question comes from Jade and she says Hey, she and I me and my blue bidding other for close to two years and things have been amazing between us We moved in together after one year and so far so great recently though I read the book The Weight by Devon Franklin and felt very inspired by it although my current relationship is good The others not so much. I feel like sex has always been used against me all my life And I want to break when I told my boyfriend of my decision at first He was very supportive, but then he said he wasn't okay with it He asked for an open relationship and said can he seek sex elsewhere Once again, I feel very violated and like sex is being used to control me Should I consider his request or lead this relationship asap Really? How could you stay in that relationship? You have to be willing to evolve with your relationship And if you can't do that then you know, maybe it's time for that relationship to end You know she has what she needs he has what he needs and now those things don't meet up You know you can sit and you can compromise with yourself and your own happiness Oh you want but you're not going to be happy obviously she's not going to be able to Be able to handle him having sex with other people So why would you stay in that? Here is the problem that you are making that a lot of people do You decide to flip the script you decide to change the rules of engagement because both of you guys got into a relationship of monogamy In the agreement that you were going to have sex now you don't want to have sex anymore You want him to accept and respect that what she does and you also want him to not have sex too Now don't get me wrong you have every right to switch to script up You can change your mind at any time But you demanding the change and expecting somebody else to conform to your needs without you doing any kind of compromise What kind of world are you living in? Well it's talk about commitment Like it's a commitment you made a commitment to that person And if you can no longer handle that commitment then you shouldn't be in a relationship with them That's exactly why her boyfriend did the mature thing and said let's adjust the kind of relationship that we're in If anything I think that you should be more in love with someone like that who says hey sex is an important part of relationship for me I still like you said think that we have a great connection Think that we do really really well together However sex is just what helps me to feel like a normal man I need that in my life So instead of me disrespecting you I want to open the relationship up allow myself to get something that you no longer want to provide While still continuing to build on something positive I respect your decision now just respect how I work best Yeah, no sorry If the first option that you jump to is you having sex with other people Then maybe he wasn't in the relationship as much as he thought Or he's not in the relationship as much as she thought Ultimately he's letting her know that sex is more important than the integrity of our relationship She obviously has a problem with this I understand him it's good he brought it up That's a mature decision that he brought it up But now leave his ass But yeah Because obviously it's not okay with her So if it's not okay She said this is what I want He said well I still want to have sex with other people and be with you She's like having a problem with that So that to me is like What's the point in staying in that If both people's needs aren't being met If you take sex off of the table and that relationship crumbles Then what was he really in that relationship for? Yes, it is an important element It's an important element of any relationship But she's just taking it off the table for a short period of time And he can't wait that out He's got to have sex with other people That shows his ability to stick with her through good times and bad That's what you get into a relationship for That's how you find out what type of relationship you have No no no no okay you're forgetting one thing She said in the email that he tried it for a while Meaning he gave it a shot to do it her way And found that it didn't work for him So he's looking for a compromise He's not demanding that she break her vow That she's made to herself and have sex He's saying well I don't work well in an absent lifestyle So can I seek sex elsewhere Now you owe it to him to try just like he tried for you You don't know how you're going to feel in an open relationship Until you give it a shot Now to me personally I think open relationships work best When both people are seeking fulfillment elsewhere And maybe for you that might actually be a positive thing While you're on this journey of self-discovering and healing from the past Maybe dating multiple people without sex And knowing that you can do that and that's part of your power Will actually help you I mean she's not willing to compromise Monogamy Which is not uncommon for most people She wants to be with him and only him And she doesn't want to share him with other people Because she loves him that much But with that being said You also have to love yourself You have to love yourself and you have to Set your own parameters for what is okay for you I think people get a little too caught up in the fact that I'm in a relationship And I think this is going to last forever Most relationships don't last forever Because people don't compromise Thank you for making my point This is an episode of Head and Heart What do you guys think is right? No no no How do you feel like that is no You don't get to just walk away like that I'm sorry I'm not dead I get to choose and decide when things make sense And that to me made sense That was a logical place to end I'm sorry if you feel hurt right now Okay then it sounds like head's got a bit of an attitude problem Now I want to hear from you guys in the poll Or in the comment section below Is it heart? Leave that relationship or head Compromise and stay in it And we'll see you guys I'm the next episode of Head and Heart In the meantime Check out my boy Chris's channel Please I need help for this though But what I can't do with this No those will help you like your balance Like a tripod I can't do this We bet you Twerk Twerk Twerk Twerk Twerk Twerk Get it Is your boom I'm here Walk a little A little A little Stray We bet you Get it Get it Get it Okay I don't know Okay