Hey, thanks for clicking the video. Sifer interrupts it like this. I'll try to be real quick. Yes, I was paid to promote it, came from space and ate our brains. But unlike most promotions, there were no script guidelines. They just told me to talk about the game in a video, which means if this game sucked, I could tell you that right now, still get my money. So believe me, when I say it, it's legitimately a really fun game. I cannot stop laughing about the hop instead of walk. And the lighting and the colors are really pretty. Blast the millions with your friends on Steam, Switch, or Xbox, it's super cheap. Links in the description. Parks Department's State of Oregon. To whom it may concern. The Parks Department of the State of Oregon was on a routine moose-tagging mission when we located this item. A strange dust-covered book, lying in the center of a mossy clearing. Quick porous old reveals paranoid ramblings, demonic sketches, descriptions of nonsensical creatures, and uncrackable ciphers. We believe this to either be a prank by high schoolers or the ramblings of a local fraud. Since discovering this book, a number of our troopers have had headaches and disturbing nightmares. We have logged it in our records and are now putting it up for purchase at our annual confiscated item sale slash bake-off. Please take this cursed thing off our hands. June 18th. It's hard to believe it's been six years since I began researching the strange and wondrous secrets of gravity falls over again. And all my travels never have I observed so many curious things. Gravity falls is indeed a geographical oddity. But the strangest thing about this town is the question. Why? Why is it that this one remote location houses more paranormal after average and super usual phenomena than any other location on Earth? There must be a hidden law of nature, a grand unified theory of weirdness, which explains how everything in gravity falls is connected. My benefactors trust that I will use their grant money to discover something incredible. And I believe this theory could be it. My continuing mission, investigate the oddities of gravity falls, discover grand unified theory of weirdness, publish theory and join the ranks of Newton, Tesla and Einstein and the Pantheon of Science. Some of my recent investigations include floating eyeballs. Are they watching me? Yes, what else would floating eyeballs be doing? Hard to catch. They either have the power to see the future or have amazing peripheral vision. Visible only at night, no retinal cord, no response to contact, spooky. Were they ever a part of some more complete magical creature or have they always been disembodied eyes? Either way, they're deeply unsettling. That will just hover there, staring you down. Like one of those portraits whose eyes follow you. Desmodus rotundus is small, short hair and an even temper. Nothing like gravity falls, giant vampire bats. The summer heat seems to draw them from their caves. The locals pretend it's mosquito season, but then why not use bug spray instead of garlic necklaces? Who do they think they are fooling? The bats will settle for cows or sheep, but would much rather feed off of some feeble human. Human blood tastes better. I have not sampled human blood. I can only assume human blood tastes better. Nolmes. I encountered my first gnome when I awoke one morning and found it arguing politics with the stuffed bear head above my fireplace. They have shown themselves capable of complex thought, an admirable, an alarming ability to stack their little bodies into giant formations. So keeping my snacks on higher shelves has done nothing to stop their persistent nibbling. Darn. Another gnome stole my glasses and ate two of my cassette tapes. Several tried to kidnap me as an offering to the queen as I was sleeping, but I just dropped kicked them out of the window when I awoke. Uncettling. I saw one taking a squirrel bath. I wish I could unsee this. Common height is 10 to 18 inches. This includes the hat. They refuse to remove their hats. Do they have pointy heads? Mushrooms are a huge part of the gnome's life, used for money, weakness, undone. Leaf blowers. Pointy hats. Case number 28, an entry that is long overdue. Never would I have believed that a simple doorway could spell your doom. But I have seen several tourists go through ordinary looking doors and simply disappear into thin air, never to be seen again. This phenomenon is unexplained. Any door with number 13 appears to be a portal to a different plane of existence, or instant death. Haven't had the nerve to test it. Avoid this door on Main Street. The lunar cycle seems to have something to do with it. Cursed doors. One briefly appeared in the basement. I lost my calculator inside. Knock knock. Who's there? The forces of the evil. Cursed doors are a common component of life in gravity falls. The locals know which doors to avoid. Visitors are left to fend for themselves. The doors bureau really should publish some sort of pamphlet. Note to self. Write letter to the doors bureau. Dark energy readings 40% higher this year. Myself. As I've been cataloging these oddities, it has occurred to me that I have yet to turn the microscope on the oddity with which I am most intimately familiar. Myself. If I succeed in publishing my theory, I am bound to become something of a public figure. So for the sake of historical record, I should perhaps touch on the subject. Who am I? But it's simply, I am strange. I was born strange. I am attracted to the strange, and the strange has always been attracted to me. Where I grew up, we were encouraged to follow rules and fit the mold. I recall finding a shrunken head in the family pawn shop and bringing it to show and tell. Every other student brought a football, a football trophy, or a book about football. All of these objects were thrown at me as I gave my report. If my brother hadn't shielded me and punched one of the other kids in the nose, I might have spent the rest of the year in the hospital. When I was growing up, nothing I ever did was right. My grades were too high, and my social skills were too low. Or, of all, I was born with a rare birth defect. Six fingers on each hand. Although my family tried to convince me that this made me special, and it did help with shadow puppets, I was mocked by classmates and shunned by girls. I would hide in the library, pouring over books about the supernatural and searching for other freaks of the world like me. I still recall reading about the Bermuda triangle as a child. The thought of a place where you could just disappear into the unknown, fascinated me. Perhaps it was luck, perhaps destiny. But I have since found my very own Bermuda triangle. Gravity falls. The place where I fit in. It is here that I will find my grand theory and maybe find myself in the process. My muse. One more thing about me? I have a secret. Although I have relied my entire life on my intuition and intelligence to provide me with answers. Two years ago, I experienced a miracle while napping in the forest. And that has forever changed the way I think about the world and my place in it. I was contacted by a muse. I know it sounds crazy, but strange being from a higher plane took sympathy with my search for knowledge and amazingly showed me to be a receptacle for divine and otherworldly insight. As preposterous as it sounds, this being has provided me again and again with eerily accurate tips and predictions that have aided me in my studies. Is this being a spirit, an alien, a dream, or merely part of my overactive imagination? Ultimately, interpretation is irrelevant. He is a fickle being who is unpredictable and only shows up when I least expect it. But I am always eager and ready for the next time he wishes to bestow his rare insights on my mind. Note to self. Must keep this a complete secret. If anyone finds out about this, they will shortly think I am insane. My grant money may be revoked. It is best to leave this part of my research in the shadows. Now, back to my investigations. No, burn this page after research is complete! Whoa! Whoa!