So I come to Burnback Pier where Dan proposed to me a week and a day after he passed away. I can't believe how many ups and downs there have been. I've been really angry some days, excruciatingly sad other days and not fine but okay some days. I think knowing it was surrounded by lovely amazing and incredible people helps a lot. Today I'm so event and Noah and Lynn it was crazy and then I was looking after Noah for ages and playing with him. Where we knew it was coming? Nothing could prepare you for how you're going to feel. Speaking to one of Dan and I is a really good friend Sam. She says she keeps going to text him and speaks to Emma. She is heartbroken as well. It's weird in this day and age especially. We do talk to each other all the time through text on the phone in person all the time and when that person goes you still almost expect to be able to text him. It sounds really silly. But I think just for myself it is comforting to know that he doesn't have to go to any more hospital appointments. He hasn't got to have more really horrific treatment and he's not in pain anymore which is amazing when I started to go to some other places. He had a lot of medication and I was looking at him thinking this stuff can't you trust? Okay and if he forgot to take a tablet or change a patch he was in excruciating pain and I can't even begin to imagine living like that. I'm glad. I got to call him my husband and I've met so many amazing people through him and now even when I'm alone I don't feel alone. Because it feels like someone's always there when I was playing with no in the garden last Sunday. A little white feather fell and I just thought that was really sweet and whether you believe in anything like that or not I thought it was a real comfort. For anyone going through a really hard time and for everyone that down helped I hope we all can continue to help each other get through whatever this crazy and sane but amazing life it is. So yeah, it's all I have to say I just wanted to get some stuff down. Thank you.