Hello, so I like board games but not this one. Monopoly, did you know the world's longest ever game of monopoly according to the Guinness Book of Records took 1,680 hours to play. To put that into some context for you, that's 10 hours longer than a normal game of monopoly takes. We've all been there. This is how an OPLY looked when it was first invented back in 1903. Then it was called the Landlords game and it was invented by a woman called Elizabeth McGee Phillips who invented the Landlords game to help to explain to her friends the inner workings of the Landvalue Tax. Because there ain't no party like a Landvalue Tax explainer pie, is there? Then in 1932 a man came along called Charles Daryl and he adapted Landlords game, turned into monopoly, made a fortune from his invention but then sadly lost it all when you had to repair all of his hotels. I'm sure you know what's ever seen before. That's the rule book of monopoly. No one reads the actual rules do they, you don't need to. But thanks to the Chinese whispers of history, what's happened is loads of rules got left out and loads of rules got added. Here's a rule that has been left out of most games of monopoly ever since. You have to play whenever you land on a known property, you may buy that property from the bank at its printed price. If you do not wish to buy the property, the bank has sells it at auction to the highest bidder. Around about half of people play that rule. What it means is that everyone is paranoid that people are going to pick stuff up for cheap so they buy everything they land on until they run out of money. So whoever's landed on the best stuff, the first couple of goes around the board, they're going to win and it's going to take you three hours to play that out. And also if you're playing with more than one of the persons, someone's going to be out after ten minutes and have nothing to do. And these are all things that contravene my fun game checklist. A very simple three-part checklist to see if a game is for not number one. Can you explain the rules in five minutes? Number two is it over in an hour. Number three are all players still in until the end of the game. By the way, this also doubles as my sexy time checklist. But I think my main issue with monopoly is more to do with the ethos behind the game. According to the rules, I can only win if everyone else has nothing. Now I think that's potentially a harmful lesson to teach children about how capitalism works. Don't if you remember the global economic crisis of 2008, or the massive income inequality that blighters most of Western society. And some people argue, well, the game, that's what the reality is, the children have to learn. Well, in that case, the game doesn't go far enough. Let's have a rule where whoever's got the richest dad gets four times as much money as everyone else and a few goes round the board. Let's have a rule where the banker can bail themselves out whenever they feel like and never have to go to jail. And let's have a rule where no one under 40 is allowed to buy a house. Or I haven't got time for any of that. Because it was a huge hit all over the developed Western world from the 30s when it was released and it's become synonymous with board games in most of those countries. In all of them apart from one, Germany, hooray for stereotypes. And the reason is because in the 30s, when monopoly was first getting going, monopoly was banned by the Nazis. And you think they'd like any game where people were imprisoned for no reason. But it was actually because Jesse Owens kept kicking their ass at it. That's what it was. So the other shot of this was after the war, Germans carried on inventing board games. In 1995, a German man called Klaus Toiber invented a game which involves building stuff on a board where trading and spending are rewarded, hoarding resources to yourself are punished. And where everyone can have lots and then some people get a bit more. That game is called Katan. That is the game the Germans have been playing with their children for 20 years. And how's the German economy been doing of late? Oh, it's been doing pretty well there. With that sort of more Keynesian ethos. But I'll tell you what, with all that, we're wishing, washing nonsense. They're probably not very good at competitive sports. Are they, if they're too busy making sure everyone's got an equitable amount? Oh no, they're the world champions. Look at the most popular sport in the world. And let's not forget this about Germany. They also have exquisite taste in music. So I urge you ladies and gentlemen, next time you find yourself in a position where you have to buy a board game, don't just get the monopoly that features your hometown. Go out there, investigate the ones that are actually fun, and that won't bring about a global worldwide depression. That is all from me. Thank you very much. APPLAUSE