So where are you at now in your life? You know, I'm in a pretty happy place right now. I was gone for 10 months. I got really depressed about, I've been back like three months. It's like I did a comeback and then I kind of went MIA after winning like my second Hall of Fame and Best Comeback and everything was great and then I got depression. And I don't know. You can't explain depression because unless somebody's had it, but I literally just didn't want to get out of bed. I was so fucking sad and I stopped going on social media. You know, and I just, I don't know. I almost threw away my entire comeback. Like I was on antidepressants, antipsychotics and that made me even worse. Yeah. I was just so loopy. And I've been shooting now about three months back from being under, you know, really bad depression. My fans know because they were trying to contact me the entire time. They never stopped sending messages and trying to call me. The ones that add my number. And I just wouldn't even look at my phone anymore because it came like an enemy to me. It was kind of weird. Yeah, people were trying to break into that wall that you're trying to build up around yourself. I just didn't know what to say. Like I didn't know what was wrong with me. Everyone's like, are you okay? And I'm like, I don't know. I don't know what's happening to me. Yeah, I'm just fucking sad. Yeah, no, did the depression kind of lift on its own or did you take like active measures to combat it that you feel have worked? I was, I moved out of the place I was at and I just had been forcing myself every day to get up. I've been really, you know, going to the gym, not hanging around negative influences. And I just, you know, suddenly I just kind of felt better. I don't know how to explain it, but it definitely wasn't the medication that made me feel better. Yeah. Because that made me feel really, really worse. Yeah, it's really, it's hard. I went through like a big depression last year. Like last year, at the beginning of last year, my business like tanked. Like all this stuff happened at the same time. And I went through a really bad depression and I was actually just thinking about it the other day. And I would write stuff on social media, you know, I'd be like, just so you guys know, like I'm having a really hard time right now. Like I don't, I'm not happy. I don't know where my place is in the industry, you know, like a lot of like a couple clients had dropped me. And I'm like, I don't have like a direction. Like where am I gonna go if I don't work in porn? Like what the fuck am I gonna do with my life? Right. You know, this has been my whole life. I've been in it for 20 years. And I really felt like rudderless. And I was super depressed and I felt really alone. And like my fans were so amazing. Like the, you know, sometimes they say like social media can be a really toxic place and it can be, but it could also be like an amazing support group, you know, I mean people were so kind to me and said the most wonderful things. And it made like a big difference for me. And yeah, same kind of thing as you, like I refused to go on medication. I'd sought therapists a lot. I went to more meetings. I started like, I mean, I always have worked out but I really made sure that I stuck with that. I started doing meditation. I actually did rakey healing, which was something that I always thought was a little bit like woo woo and wizardy. But I hired this woman and I did rakey healing with her like once a week for like a month and did sound bath meditations and that all helped a lot. And I think just the accumulation of just actively trying different things to like change my mind really helped. And you know, I'm not like perfect. I definitely have my days when I wake up and I'm like, I don't want to work today. Like I don't want to like adult today. I just kind of like I wish everything was easier and like things still give me anxiety. But it's like, yeah. It's a daily improvement. It's a battle. Yeah, I mean, I sometimes I wake up and I get scared because I feel that feeling in my chest and I never want to go back to that low, the lowest I was during that depression. Yes. Because it was so bad. Yeah. I mean, I didn't even want to get out of bed. Yeah. For days at a time. Yeah. And when I feel like that, you know, sometimes now I will pick up my phone and look at my social media and you know, my fans are just so supportive because it was really embarrassing and hard to get back on social media after just MIA for like 10 months, you know. And like just, hey, that cares my first tweet in like 10 months. Yeah. And it's like, you know, you want to appear professional, right? You don't want to like, you know, you're supposed to, you know, it's supposed to be a place where your professional persona comes forward and everything's perfect and everything's great. And I'm so I love my job and everything's amazing. And I'm like, oh, I bet everyone thinks I went off the rails and it was on a drug bender and I was like, no, you know, I literally was in bed. Hey guys, if you want to support my show, then you should think about joining my Patreon. At my Patreon, I offer all kinds of amazing perks in exchange for your financial support. From live streams of my interviews as they are happening to bonus Q&As behind the scenes, photos and videos of my shoots, plus cool merch like stickers, mugs and hoodies, we have you covered. So go to patreon.com, slash Holly Randall and filtered. And while you're at it, make sure that you click that subscribe button so you don't miss a single one of my new updates.