I feel estranged. Unable to connect. I feel unable to connect. I feel estranged from others, including myself. Fear is the only thing that is keeping me away and keeping me here. It's kind of ironic it both saves my life and disables me to live. To live it fully like I used to. When I was not like this. I try hard. To remember memories. And decide in which order things happen come up but each time I try I fail. As a recent the difficulty to communicate is visible in my online attempts. Being anonymous somehow makes my need to feel special even greater. Which in turn activates my ego. It seems that I cannot escape. From this need to impress and be thought of as great. While I genuinely don't see myself this way. But I want others to do so. I believe this thought process happens in others too. Which is why we both hide. Behind all kinds of difficult words and things that generally lack meaning. We send each other funny photos with random text written on it without any context. Videos on YouTube which other people have made. With this video I'd like to abridge the gap of the incommunicable. And let you know it's okay. And you are not alone in this. Or to let you know I am here. And I'd like to be seen. As much as you do. We are in this together. Together apart. But really there is no difference between you and me. You are me. As much as I am you. I forgot my train of thought. That need to be seen sometimes gets in its own way. Things can go in multiple directions. And I see them all simultaneously. I can choose to anticipate your needs. And I can choose to not do so. Everything I do is a choice. Or a choice becomes anything I do. I feel imbued with the need to be genuine. Something intrinsically tells me to be myself. And it's stronger than any persona I have built. Yet oftentimes I will find myself playing a part. Sometimes playing a part of someone who is playing a part. Other times I will mid-conver catch myself in the act of playing the part of someone who is not playing any parts. In any case the inevitability of playing parts gets me down and turns me in words. I don't know how to solve this. Then by trying to abridge the intcommunicable which is etched in everything I choose. Everything I do. Yes. I am proud of the word intcommunicable. It gives the whole thing a sense of weight. And importance. I also like the way it is written. And the way that the artificial voice pronounces it. The artificial voice and I are melting at this point. And we are becoming one. But I think we already were one and we are merely rejoining rather than joining each other. I don't know how to end this video. And I don't want to end it in a stereotypical waiting manner with some kind of clever conclusion. Because I don't think there is anything to conclude. I just had some things I wanted to say. Some things I wanted to do. And there is no real reason behind this. Things can be complexly simple.