Hey you guys, this is Fire in Home Michelle, so I haven't done a video in a while. But hey, that's a good thing. You know why? That's a good thing. It means for the last couple of weeks I've been getting out of bed. I've been trying to be myself. I've been trying to reclaim my life. And you know what? I think it's because I came to this realization, I guess you could say. Something that I'd never thought of before, because you know, a lot of people watching my videos and I said, God, you sound so angry. And you know what? I was angry. And I am angry because I lost my life. You know, the wheelchair, not going to work, not able to feed yourself, not able to shake someone's hand, not driving at night. You smell something and you get sick, you eat something, you think you're going to die. I lost my life. I was a performer. I used to go all over the world. I used to ride my motorcycle everywhere. And I couldn't do any of it anymore. So yeah, every doctor I went to told me I was crazy. My family treated me like I was crazy. My sister killed herself. My brother was also sick with a couple of different things and hit his head and died. My grandmother suffered her whole life. So yeah, I guess I was mad. But you know what? I came to a conclusion that I think helped me and I hope it will help you guys too. They usually say there's like five stages of grief if there's loss in your life like death. Well, you know, if anybody gets breast cancer or cancer of prostate or HIV or AIDS or anything, everybody says, oh, did you know someone so got breast cancer? Oh, I feel so bad for it. I can't believe what's your name's got? MS. Those poor people, maybe I should make something and take it to the house or help them walk their dogs. But guess what? We need a fibrolyel to people like, oh, I know somebody that has that and they still go to work so you must be okay or you look great. I've never seen you look that's good. You must be okay. So we do not get an experience, a very crucial thing if your psychologist out there help me out. We don't get this experience, that's my cup of tea's running around. They're doing good too. Thank God. You don't get to experience grief or mourning. You can't mourn your old life. If you do people say you're feeling sorry for yourself or you're not eating right or you should change your diet or you're seeing the wrong doctor after you're seeing 50 in their world, VIX. They just don't get it. They don't get waking up every four hours and such pain that you want to die. But, you know, I'm looking at it a whole different way now. It's like, you know what? People are never going to get it. In 1980s HIV that turned into AIDS, people didn't get it all. There was no funding for it at all. And I just listened to Dr. Climus and I have an appointment with her soon. And she said that her people with how go Taylor be nice. She said that her CFS FM people have worse lifestyles than her HIV guys because they're able to have medications. And you know what? They're able to grieve it. And I think that's the biggest thing. I mean, hopefully medication will come around this not just painkillers so we can lose that stigma. But the ability to be able to grieve the life we lost. Because, you know, most of us weren't bedmosed at time. Right now I'm pulling myself up. If it's for two hours and I get something done, I'm patting myself on the back. It doesn't matter if anyone else does it. I'm doing it. If I make myself dinner, I'm amazed. Hey, I'm cool, man. You know, I've always had to get up and take care of the dogs and stuff like that where there was hell or not. But that's what I'm telling you guys. Thinking your brain, you know, all the people you know that have had cancer or whatever else in their up and they live in their last and they're doing fine. And they were able to share the experience or talk about it with people that understood them and they were able to grieve the life. But they were able to start living it again. We don't get to start all lives back like they were. But we can make new ones. Don't remember, we can make new ones or don't forget. I mean, I started painting. I never thought I could paint before and I'm having all these people that want to buy my paintings. And I'm going to sell them maybe the copies or something. And I'm going to put it all for five row research, five row manager research. And I hope Doc can answer my question. That was my little dog, Coco Taylor. She's learning to sing the blues. Stop it, Coco. Coco. And anyway, you see, I'm feeling better. And it's because I'm making myself. If I get out of bed and get one thing done, I feel better because I know, you know, we have people that think we're not, but we are our own worst critic. You hate yourself. When you don't do anything, when you're in bed all day, you feel guilty and you don't like your worth anything. Coco, stop it. And that's where I think we get into a lot of trouble. So you start having fun with everything that's happened. Like I'm having fun with my dog. I could stop the video and try it over. But why? It's my life. It's part of it. The dog makes me happy. The sun's set. God, it was beautiful tonight. Florida has had cold weather. I could go outside without sweating and dripping down my back. You know, you got to see every little thing that's trivial to someone else. And if you can do it, you've accomplished more than most people do in a day or a week because you had the strength to get out of bed and try it. This is Fibroha Michelle. And we're going to start getting positive on this damn thing. And now that I'm off, I'm going to make a t-shirt with some of these paintings I've been doing. I got that one that's called Stop in the Name of Pain. It's on Facebook. I think it's on Flickr. Look up Flickr, M. Certoneo or Google Me, Mishel Certoneo. You'll see my paintings. This is new. I did this in the last year or so. So if I can start a new life and start a new way to feel good about myself, you can too. I love you guys. Keep it up! This Fibroha Michelle. I'll see you guys later. Bye.