I'm back baby! Oh and it feels good! A lot of changes I left the internet including the outfit choices What do you think? Do I look good or do I look great? Your voice is professional now and I'm hoping I look great Yeah, you heard that right though. I am now a professional real estate agent, but we'll get to that a lot like I said a lot has changed and that's what this video is for Time for a massive update Let's just begin right where we left off which one you're cousin leaving Robert leaving After I went ahead left I doubled down on my real estate course and actually completed it within that week Mom, we all know you were alone for the first time and didn't like the emotions you were sitting with I was so excited about it set a date for my test my final exam to get my license I'm here the testing center got my paperwork my calculator. I think I'm ready and let me hold I passed look at this Do you see that right there? Oh my god, I had passed on my first try I'm laughing because I did not expect it that test was hard and I thought I failed Oh Good job, but I didn't bring you the fulfillment you were looking for but I needed a reason to celebrate and so I packed up a bag and flew my buns to Florida The emotions are getting worse running away is not gonna cure them. I spent an entire week with the family Yeah Got to hang out with my best friend and act like the giant man children that we are And then it was all over you were alone once again But this time you realized how much worse you've actually gotten So what did you do? Actually came back picked up the kids and immediately drove to California because not only was it Easter weekend that Easter Sunday that week It was also tenies birthday We ran back to your loved ones looking for that temporary love Care and support that you so dash really wanted to feel Get to see the family was incredible because although it hadn't been very long since I last saw them It had felt like forever It felt like forever because it was all you could think about It was the only thing helping you suppress the feeling of all your emotions But you still weren't dealing with them This is where things got a little interesting for me when I came back to you Tom I Started experiencing some emotions No, this was just the first time you couldn't contain your emotions. I noticed that wasn't a very good spot mentally And so you finally realized you had been lying to yourself the whole time You weren't okay at all That you weren't dealing with the root cause of the problems because you didn't even know how to you didn't even really know what the problem was Last year was a rollercoaster for you and having your cousin by your side was the much needed emotional crutch that That helped you through the craziness It made you feel loved and cared for in your everyday life, but eventually when she left That support system was gone and you felt lost in the long Sure you had your little ones, but you had already felt like you let them down because of what happened But you didn't even feel Worthy being a parent that feeling of isolation it hit you hard and you sprouted to a really really deep depression I just don't know what happened It started affecting everything in your life So I'm not the most religious man, but I did good at church today not only because a friend invited me out I also want to find a feeling of belonging out here. I'm willing to do whatever it takes My loneliness has gotten the best of me Provides me so much comfort so much joy. I truly fully missed them so much that even when they're gone I still sleep because it provides that feeling of um being with them Oh my god I've been trying to force positive positivity for a while now the fox Took a pretty dark turn and you couldn't escape that feeling of being a victim of your own life Because I literally just been doing that sitting questioning everything feeling like I'm in this dark Like place man, and it's funny because I look red and I see color, but I've been feeling like I'm living through black and white You began waking up in the middle of the night with this feeling of anxiety and panic as if someone had Hold you you're about to lose a love The pain was becoming overwhelming you started considering Leading and moving to California to reinvent yourself, but you didn't You couldn't bear the idea of Potentially putting your little ones through the same pain you were going through the same loneliness and same feeling of isolation Feeling desperate you finally reached out for some help And just those 10 minutes of having someone over the phone to come for you Help the time Losing everything last year shattered your confidence and Made you kept believing that you were a giant failure You were constantly comparing yourself to the old you who was more successful and had it all figured out And because of that you hated your current self because you weren't living up to your past self One day you realized that the root of your problem wasn't just being alone It was the lack of self love Confidence and belief in yourself that made you not be able to stand your presence You weren't happy with who you were You needed to change And you weren't quite sure what that change needed to be But you decided to dive right into real estate But I'm trying to do this fast so that I can doorknack and let all the neighbors know as well that we're doing an open house Okay, so I'm here to do my first showing all alone. I'm excited. We have to today My goodness. I can't believe I'm actually doing this. So yes, it was scary and Challenging but it gave you that glimmer of hope that you needed in order to believe in yourself again And after seeing a little bit of success I Have a first closing today. Oh my gosh. You realize you weren't hopeless Just got my clinic closing in and I'm like in this I can't believe this is happening All right, I'm dumbed on the part This is a hard video for me to make and it was truthfully uncomfortable. I like making happy videos And obviously this one wasn't but I felt that need to make it so that I didn't feel like Those emotions have power over me anymore. I wanted to get them out there Just let them be and that way I could start being myself again Like carrying all that weight all alone for so long It was it was just heavy and I was pretending to be somebody I wasn't and it was it was tough I'm I'm hoping that now I can just go back to being a hundred percent authentic I felt like I was holding things back and I hate it. I just love being an open book and I love just Being me and I couldn't be me with all these feelings Glad I waited to tell everyone until I at least had most of it figured out But now it's just Back to getting the work on them and like I said, I'm doing better, but still a long ways to go That's it. I'm rambling. That's it. Love you guys. Thank you for watching and I'll catch you in the next one. Peace