So, you're a vegan, aware of the horrors of animal agriculture, but you've just been invited to a gathering, whether they'll be serving the bodies of animals, or products made from their suffering. What do you do? People often ask me, Joey, what would you do in a situation like this? How would you handle it? Well, because we're all very different people with different kinds of personalities, I don't really like to give advice on what I would do. I'm very disagreeable, and I've quite a thick skin. I also have lots of experience with debate and knowledge on the topic. So instead, I thought I'd give you what I believe might be good strategies for everyone, from the shy type to those who don't mind a good debate. Here are three kinds of general personalities I came up with based on my experience in the vegan movement. One, agreeable, shy, peacekeeper. Two, disagreeable, advocate, peacekeeper. Three, disagreeable, uncompromising, principled. For the agreeable shy peacekeeper, who was fine to be around family when non-vegan food is concerned, this advice is for someone who's not too clued up on vegan issues. Maybe a new vegan, or someone who's just not that good at communicating the message. There might be anxious, or just trying their best not to stir up the situation at all. For this person, it would be better to be subtle in your approach. I think bringing amazing tasting vegan food to the table, and enough for everyone to share will be enough to plant a positive seed without having to explain too much, but make sure you bring your favourite foods that you know for sure taste amazing. If the vegan conversation comes up, use some sure polite explanations that avoid being critical of others. That way, you won't trigger defensiveness and a subsequent heated exchange. You might use phrases like, I felt that I no longer wanted to consume animals, because I cared deeply about what happens to them. Then, following that, ask them some questions about what's been going on in their life, to change the subject nice and quickly. We all know people love to discuss their interests. If you let them speak enough, maybe they might become genuinely interested in your lifestyle and not feel attacked. Keep the focus on your own perspective, and avoid accusatory language. Change the subject when you feel like things are getting uncomfortable, and could possibly sprawl out into a debate that you're not wanting to get into. You might even find that being excused to go to the toilet might be a good way to end unwanted exchanges. You might even feel better recommending people watch your favourite activist or documentary. After suggesting they watch it, use a subtler of changing the subject to something a little more family-focused. For the Shire, Agriable Peacekeeper, maybe just not mentioning your lifestyle at all, around certain family members, might be the best way to keep the peace. You can save the animal advocacy for social media. Now for the disagreeable but peacekeeping advocate. This person is much more experienced than researched on vegan issues, and also likes getting into discussions. This person also knows how to keep their cool when emotions arise. They have a thick skin and know how to navigate tricky subjects with very good communication. For this person, I'd recommend some of the advice from PersonaLavi1. Bring tasty vegan food, ask people about their interests. If the topic of your veganism arises, give a much more robust explanation. Politely explain why you boycott industries that violate the rights of animals. Make connections that they might understand. Explain that there's no morally significant difference between farm animals and their pets at home. Feel the energy of the conversation. If it feels like they're becoming interested, you can even begin to ask them some questions about their views on animals. Just remember that as someone is eating meat while you're having this conversation with them, they might feel more of a reason to become defensive and double down. If this happens, try to disarm their defences by bringing it back to yourself and how you use to eat meat as well. This way, they might feel less like you're trying to be superior, and more like you're just sharing your realisation. If you feel like this conversation is about to be a good exchange, then answer any objections they might have. Here are some good resources on how to answer common objections. Again, keeping your arsenal a graceful way of changing the subject if things begin to feel a little too heated. After changing the subject, try some light harder tumour to show there's no hard feelings. Bear in mind that family, friends and work colleagues might have a psychological barrier that would lead them less inclined to listen to you. This is very common, so it might not be that you've done anything wrong in your communication. But if you feel there are barriers like this, instead try sharing with them some of your favourite speeches or documentaries when it's time to go home. If they won't listen to you, maybe they'd be more inclined to hear the message from a messenger they feel more rapport with. Or is a member depending on the personality of each friend or family member, you may be able to employ a different approach to see each of them. I think the so cratic method and asking leading questions is one of the best ways to help people come to their own realisation about this topic. Keep in mind, some conversations might be better to just avoid because it's just a battle that won't end well. Disagreable, uncompromising and principled. This person does not compromise on their position. They may or may not be educated on the topic. They may or may not be experienced in vegan education. They may or may not be able to answer any objections. This person here is just not willing to be around the body parts of animals who have had their rights violated. They just can't bring themselves to do it. They know if they do come to a gathering when there's meat present, they will create a scene and they will not compromise and change a subject and they may not be able to keep their call. They know if they attend when there's meat present, they will fall out with family members and ruin the gathering. Or it might just be that being around animal products affects their emotional state and they just don't want to be in that situation. For this person, I would give this advice. Let your family and friends know ahead of time that you don't feel comfortable around animal products. You can send them a documentary like Dominion so that they truly understand why you feel this way. You never know. They might even agree to make the gathering a vegan one. I mean, it's one meal. Why wouldn't they, if they really cared about how this affected you? But if they don't and you still would like to connect with your family and friends, you can come after the food has been served and bring some vegan cakes. Or you can catch up with your family and friends doing a completely different activity. Food doesn't have to be the basis for every single family gathering. There are many things to do with friends and family that don't involve food at all. If it's about sharing company, then make it about sharing company and you can avoid food entirely. But if you must socialise with food, you can skip their meat filled event completely and invite them to a vegan restaurant at a later date or invite them to your house for dinner and you could call the food. If your friends and family who are not vegan, don't show you at least a little bit of respect, just enough to accommodate your ethical beliefs in any one of these ways. Then I would question if they truly cared about you at all. In that case, I would show yourself the respect by distancing yourself from those people entirely. Life's too short to spend it with people who don't care about you. Even family, there are many vegan groups online where you can find friends who share your views on animals and I'm sure they'd love to hang out with you. There are sometimes uncomfortable situations in life, but what I like to do in these situations where I'm around non-vegan family and friends and when I'm around meat and all these situations where chopped up animals are involved is I like to, instead of thinking always of my emotions, I like to remember the victims. The victims who are suffering and farrowing crates, the victims who are strung up by their little legs and shackled, electrocuted and have their throat slit, the innocent beings who are terrified on the kill floor about to have their life robbed from them. I use perspective to look at it from the real victim's position and although some of these situations are uncomfortable, I'd encourage the shy, avoidant, agreeable peacekeeper to step out of their comfort zone and start to move into the second personality where you start to talk to people about this and four personality three maybe you can move into personality two for some situations and talk to people. You know get yourself in an uncomfortable situation to advocate for animals but no matter your personality type you don't have to advocate for the animals in real life. It's just not something you are required to do. You have social media these days, you can create a faceless account and advocate for the animals in many different ways, you can investigate, you can donate, you can do many different things for animals and it doesn't have to be in this family setting. Sometimes we put so much pressure on ourselves to be an activist in every setting. I do but it's not required. You can do things outside of these settings that help the animals so you don't have to narrow it down to that dinner table where you've got all your family there and you're about to create a massive war. Some people can't help themselves and that's fine but I'm just saying think differently about this, think outside the square with this and you'll be able to navigate any situation as an activist or as a vegan. This advice is not for every situation. In the interest of time I kept it quite focused, you might have a completely different situation and your circumstance might not even be mentioned here but my advice would be to always carefully pick your battles and know your audience. If someone is just impossible to communicate with and you must be around them for whatever reason don't even bother engaging with them about this. Save your strength, there are 8 billion people on earth and so many of them are very open to hearing this message and ironically you'll find the most success persuading people who you have never even met before. This has been the Vegan Survival Guide to Friends and Family. Please leave your comments below and let's make the comments section a place where we can support each other.