What? What? Ow. Ow. I still get comments quite often saying that non-binary doesn't exist. I love these comments. I always imagine them walking up to a tree and screaming at the tree that trees don't exist and the trees just like... I'm not going to present all of the facts that prove that non-binary people exist because the fact that I'm sitting here and talking to is proof enough that non-binary people exist. This isn't that video. I just wanted to talk about how I got here personally and why non-binary is the identity that is the most comfortable for me right now. I'm going to explain why I often call myself a non-binary guy. A lot of people get very, very confused when I refer to myself like that. Non-binary guy. But, but, but guy is a binary term. Allow me to explain. I went from identifying as a guy, so as a trans guy, a binary trans guy, to identifying as non-binary. And I want to explain why, how, where, who, what, huh? I tried very hard to be a girl for a very long time. And when I say I tried very hard to be a girl, I tried to be, you know, every kind of girl possible. I tried to be the butch girl. I tried to be the tomboy. I tried to be the ultra-ultra feminine girl. Like, I would wear lipstick every day. Um, what are they called? Fishnet Tights. I loved that shit. I really did try to be a woman in, in, in so many different ways. It took me 22 years to figure out that the fact that I was perceived as a woman just wasn't doing it for me. I really did try. Identifying as a woman and being perceived as a woman made me extremely uncomfortable in so many different ways. Because our society is a binary one. I have a pencil, so you know I'm, I know what I'm talking about because I'm pointing at you. I figured out that I wasn't a girl. I came to the logical conclusion that I must be a man. I also knew that I wanted to take testosterone. I looked at the effects that it would have on my body and I was like, yeah, I want that. The fact that I wasn't a girl and the fact that I wanted to transition physically led me to believe that I must be a man, a manly, manly, binary, binary man. That's not the case I realize now. It took me quite a while to figure out that that wasn't the case. I went for about two years trying to be a mask trans man. It just wasn't working for me. This was me then, as you can see, very manly. This was around the time that I also was pretty enbophobic myself actually. Good times. You were so wrong. I started presenting, identifying and trying to be perceived as a man. The thing is, is that I wasn't comfortable with that either. In many ways, it made me more uncomfortable. When I was perceived as a woman and I was trying to be a woman, at least I was used to it. I'd had 22 years to get used to being uncomfortable as a girl. When I started trying to be a guy, one, I was still uncomfortable, and two, it was a discomfort that I was not familiar with at all. You poor soul. Extremely narrow set of identities, and none of them fit me. When I presented as a woman, at least I could express myself in so many different ways. When I started presenting as a man and really trying to be perceived as one by society, I had to move my body in a certain way and wear certain kinds of clothes in order for people to gender me correctly in public. It was just so not me. When I was identifying as a man, I also got a lot of what people would call dysphoria. The more binary I tried to be and the more dysphoria I had, it was really, really weird. After meeting a person and becoming really close friends with someone who identified as non-binary, I started questioning the gender binary more and more. I started realizing that maybe I myself didn't fit neatly into it. Because if I'm being truthful, even though I was telling everyone that I was not comfortable as a trans guy, I've always felt like a boy and all the typical stuff. Deep down when I started hormones, I was not sure that I was a man. All I knew is that I didn't feel like a woman and that I wanted testosterone. That was all I knew. And if I'm going to be honest with you, I still don't know now. And I know this is going to sound a little bit radical, but I don't care. I love the term non-binary because it's an umbrella term. There's also quite a lot of confusion when it comes to people who identify as a non-binary guy or a non-binary girl or woman or man or whatever. People are like, what the hell are you doing? You cannot do that. And I'm here to say that yes, you can do that and fuck anyone who tells you that you can't. For people who think that it doesn't make sense, allow me to explain because it really does. It's extremely logical. I'm looking at you back to put it simply. Identify as a non-binary trans guy. Internally, I do not fit into man or woman and that is where I feel most comfortable. However, the word trans is in my identity because I'm simply not a cis woman. When I popped out, everyone was like, oh, that's a girl, but it turns out I'm not. So that automatically makes me trans because trans means not cis. Why do I use the word guy? Part of this is because I live in France and in France we don't have neutral pronouns. We're all unaware of the whole non-binary thing. We're very, very late when it comes to everything involving gender. When it comes to social roles in mainstream society, I have a preference for a masculine role. And therefore, I include the word guy just to inform people that I am much more comfortable with this masculine side of the gender bubble spectrum blob. I can't believe the video where I'm explaining why I'm a guy is the video where I'm doing all of this with my hands. I'm sure there will be one or two people in the comments telling me that I'm not a guy because I'm way too feminine. I should be doing homework right now. I've never felt so mask in my life. Yes. I literally look like a thumb. This hat is incredible. How far up does it go? If you would like to get a behind-scenes look into my YouTube antics, you can support me on Patreon. A special thanks to Alex Muskell, Alex Andrea Chloe, Erica Violet, LPQ Silver, Mountain Snow, Nancey T, Nellus and reasonably agitated honeybee, as well as all of my other patrons. Thank you so much. I'm currently working on a couple of long-form video essays. I just need to find the strength to record a video about fascism or detransitioners, because it takes a special kind of mood to get into those topics. Why do I do this to myself seriously?