I have choices to make of whether to continue treatment or not. Obviously, being me and a risk taker as it is, I'm going to continue to try and beat this, even though everyone's saying I won't. But where there's a will there's a way isn't there? Where there's a will there's a way? My dreams of going back to New York or going to see things that I love. Probably now won't be realised. But I still get to see New York all at like every day. I watch Casey Neuys that's vlog and I see New York every day. And that to me is cool, that's the benefit of YouTube. That's the benefit of this platform for people to interact with each other and talk to each other and leave comments. Whether they're good or bad, it doesn't really matter. Because there's that conversation happening and that conversation spurs action. And that action then potentially could save a life and could potentially make someone go to our hospital and find out they've got a problem. And it's important to get checked. Hey, hey, what a world. It seems like 74% of you aren't even subscribed to my channel. What's going on there? Smash that subscribe button, smash that bell for notifications, thumbs up this video, show me some love, send me some love into the comments and that, engage with the videos. Because that helps me out. It spurs me on and it makes me want to do it more. And I'm going to continue to vlog this journey whilst I get sicker and sicker, which is quicker and quicker and I have to go to the doctors this morning, which sucks. But here's today's video. Let's do this. What are you doing? I'm texting. You're texting? Not normally text. Actually, I'll do it. Fair enough. The norm now, isn't it? In fact, you are the everyone who texts. You're doing? Yeah. What? What are you doing? I'm texting. You're texting. Not normally text. Actually, I'll do it. Fair enough. The norm now, isn't it? In fact, you are the everyone who texts. You're doing? Yeah. What we're doing, we're waiting for medicine. Waiting for your waiting or in mating, not even mating, but waiting. Waiting for my medicine. For your prescription. Fun times. Not really quite a lot of prescription, really. But at least it will keep you okay while we're away, which is the main thing. Yeah. We're going on holiday tomorrow. Yeah. I've thought about this video for quite a while and how to kind of say the things I want to say. So I'm going to go for it. I'm going to say that it's brutal. And it's brutal in a way that like is kind of genghis Khan style brutal. It doesn't care what it does. And over the last three years I've learnt that it's much more complex than just what people think. And my cancer story is like very complex and hard to explain in a really simple manner. But I can tell you a few things that I haven't ever said before on here. I'm starting to get such bad nerve damage in the side of my neck and up into my face that I'm losing sight in my left eye. I'm also losing the ability to hear in my left ear. And there's so much pressure on the side of my head that it kills. It's an agonizing pain. And that is brutal. But the amount of medication I have to take to just control the pain now is insane. And I saw the doctor this morning and the doctor said, it's only going to get worse. It's only going to get worse. Now I thought it was pretty horrific at this point in time and I know it will get worse. But how do I as a human deal with that? How do I as a human understand that? How do I as a person understand that? And over the course of time that I've had cancer, I've lost jobs because of cancer. People saying I'm a liar. Jobs, like people who gave me jobs telling me I was a liar. Like big companies, not just small ones. And how can you be so active and look so good and all this stuff coming from people that I know as well as other people? That's brutal. That's brutal. That word cancer kind of like conjures up all these emotions and worries and concerns. And like when I was first kind of diagnosed it confuses you. Everyone's telling you do this, do that, do this, do that. Not everyone is as lucky as I've been and found really good people to help. It took time and it was too late. But that information that has now been learned about pathways through the body, the way that it acts and how it reacts and how it acts in the body of my specific type of cancer is and how no. If I hadn't done this vlog, if I hadn't done all the stuff that I've done research wise, this stuff wouldn't have been known. If I hadn't risked my life having multiple surgeries or if I hadn't ever agreed to have all these surgeries, we wouldn't have realised or known how bad it gets. And the surgery failing and the surgery not working properly is no one's fault. It's just the cancer has spread so far. It's at a point of being irreversible. Imagine every test that you have done and every part of your body that they've removed during surgery was cancerous. And I'm sure if you've looked at my other vlogs, you'd see my wound and know how much has been taken out. That's a hell of a lot of cancer. It's a hell of a lot of information to take in at once. And what's really brutal about it is no one knows what to do. I have a choice to make. I have choices to make of whether to continue treatment or not. Obviously, being me and a risk taker as it is, I'm going to continue to try and beat this even though everyone's saying I won't. But where there's a will there's a way isn't there? Where there's a will there's a way? My dreams of going back to New York or going to see things that I love probably now won't be realised. But I still get to see New York all at like every day. I watch Casey Nees that's vlog and I see New York every day. And that to me is cool. That's the benefit of YouTube. That's the benefit of this platform for people to interact with each other and talk to each other and leave comments whether they're good or bad. It doesn't really matter. Because there's that conversation happening and that conversation spurs action. And that action then potentially could save a life and could potentially make someone go to our hospital and find out they've got a problem. And it's important to get checked. I want to be vlogging from somewhere else tomorrow. Somewhere I love. Not in the UK. Scary stuff. Got to get on a plane as well with numerous amounts of drugs which I don't know if they'll let me get on the plane with. It's not a train. It's a plane. So that'll be interesting. So yeah, please press that subscribe button. Please like this video and please leave a comment if you want to show some love. Thanks. See you later. Tata.