Hi lovers, so since we've been going together for a while now, I thought it was time to share something deeply intimate with you guys. These are my instructions on how to love me and it is my hope that after today's video, you'll be able to write your own instructions for how to love you. Now this video is kind of inspired by my partner Jared Brady who has taught me two lifetimes in two years about understanding, self-insight and mutuality. Three of the pillars that holds up damn good love. But to be honest, this video is mostly inspired by my plants who have taught me a valuable lesson on love that I want to share with you guys today. Alright, so when I first moved to LA, I knew I wanted to live with life and since I was single, couldn't do roommates anymore and wasn't ready for a pet, that meant plants. I began by making the classic mistake though of buying whatever looked good. So I bring home my new sexy little plant, all proud that I'd water it, repot it and get infuriated when despite all of my efforts, money and time, the plant would die. So at first, I blamed the store. They clearly sold me a bad seed. Then I questioned the plants will to live. How come all the plants outside do fine but when someone shows you some time, affection and care, you willt? And after many failed attempts to love and live with plants, eventually I learned that their labels aren't just decoration. Requires at least six hours of direct sunlight. Water only when soil is completely dry. Fertilize monthly. Add mulch to top soil. You see, it didn't matter if I wanted to love the plant or not. If I wasn't prepared to love it the way it needed, all of the good intentions in the world did not matter. And it made me think how often we do this to each other. How many relationships are built on putting people in environments and circumstances that just aren't designed for them to thrive in? How many people do we invite into our lives because we like the way that they look? Not because we are confident, we know how to look out for them. I thought about all the arguments where the focus isn't understanding how to love one another but instead, fuming because the other isn't reacting appropriately to how we want to love them. And most of all, I thought about the people who would rather duct tape brown leaves onto brittle branches and admit they just are not capable of making the changes to love someone the way that they need and there's nothing wrong with that. Loving somebody is a mix of compatibility and compromise. It's listening to learn what we can do better and being honest enough to admit when we simply can't or don't want to. And in September, a major thing happened where I looked this guy in the face and I said, it is not my fault you're fucked up. The most powerful thing I could have done. But after coming to this epiphany, it's not as if all of my plants are green and godly. Yes, I no longer buy new plants that need full sun if my place only gets a few hours at best. But I've moved five times in the past three years I've lived in LA and every new space brings a few old plants to their needs. Unfortunately, we can't expect all of the ones that we love to make massive changes to their needs just because we've changed ours. But hey, the obvious counterpoint to this entire video is that people are not plants, Shannon Boudram. We are complicated, autonomous, free thinking beings who don't come with instructions. But what if we did? What if there was a way for us to communicate to others exactly what we need to thrive? What would those instructions look like and how much richer could our love lives be if those who wanted us wanted to understand us before attempting to love us? Aha, I got you on that one. Did not. All right, so back to you now. This is a mini challenge. Take out a white piece of paper and write out a short list of the most important things you need to feel loved. If you have trouble putting this list together, I suggest you watch this video. Now post a picture of you and your instructions to any social media account with the hashtag How to Love Me. All right, so why bother doing this best case scenario, the right person sees it and gets a message worst case scenario. Nobody sees it and you get to see yourself just a little bit clearer. Due to popular demand, I am now podcasting daily on anchor FM. Now that is a place you guys can go to ask questions. You actually voice notes and then I answer your questions. So go to anchor dot FM slash shambly to sign up and to have your daily questions answered. I get a girl.