I didn't want to make this video. I don't like posting videos like this. I tell myself I wouldn't again, but I have to this time. My channel is a place of fun. You have fun here. You smile, you laugh. You don't take things serious. You see me in my videos having the time of my life, but when I turn that camera off, it's back to life, to reality, and it's hard for me to breathe at times. It's hard for me to breathe right now. I actually had to stop the video a couple of times. I start to question, was this the right path for me to choose? Was being in the public eye something that I've always wanted? Fame. I don't consider myself famous at all. Do not take it that way. But to have 500,000 plus subscribers, I've always wanted this, but is this really what I wanted? Because with all of these eyes on me comes criticism, which I expected from the very beginning, and I was openly willing to accept, because with all that positivity, you're going to have that negativity. But as the days go on, I find it harder and harder for me to deal with all of this, to deal with all of this negativity, and all this pressure. And sometimes, to be honest with you guys, I just want to jump in traffic. And I don't say that to be funny. I actually mean that. I was literally just laying on my couch for about two hours, staring at the wall. And it scared me because I'm like, what am I doing? I should be downstairs. I should be working. I should be doing my videos for the channel. You know, recently I started doing anime reactions, and you have a lot of people claiming I fake my reactions. So now you have all of that on Twitter. You have all of that on Instagram, all over my YouTube comments, people saying, how bad of a person I am, that I'm a liar, that I'm an asshole, that I should die, that I'm an awful person. I mean, you could criticize someone, but to say things like that, to criticize someone beyond belief, to where you are copy and pasting the same essay on every single video, that's kind of fucked up. I never understood that. Am I special? I never understood directing hatred and negativity, or even a dislike on a video, somebody's way. I never thought of doing that. Even if I did not agree with a video, for example, I watch a guy named Angry Joe on YouTube, he's a gaming channel. I hate some of his videos. Sometimes he says some stuff that pisses me off. I don't comment that. I don't reply to him. I don't dislike the video. I just carry on with my day because I don't want to put more negativity into the world because there's already so much of that. And this is not me playing victim. Do I fake my reactions? A lot of people want to know this. No, I don't. Do I amp up my personality? 1000 fold? Yes. Who you see in my videos is not who I am in person. So if someone sees me in public and expects this insanely energetic crazy kid, you're not going to get that. You're going to get someone that's laid back chill and very nervous. I've been getting this on my channel since the very beginning that I fake my reactions. It went from making me sad to actually pissing me off. And now it just makes me very depressed, which is a sign that I need to stop doing certain things. I need to stop looking at comments. I have to stop opening my messages. I have to stop entertaining people. So with the anime reactions, I've been doing music reactions for three years. I wanted to do something else for a week. I did anime reactions. Now we have three sides. We have one side that really loves my reactions and they want more anime stuff. Then there's the second side where people think I sold out that I forgot about the music reactions. Why are you reacting to these cartoons? Did you use us to get to Adam? It's been a week. It's been a week. I'm trying to do something different. Please. Then you have that third side that looked at past the videos of mine where in the videos I say that I like a certain anime or I like a certain song or you see a poster of an anime in my background. Meanwhile, flesh forward a couple of months later and I'm reacting to these shows or these songs as if I just didn't say a few months ago, I liked it. Then I explain that I had a girlfriend at the time that I was trying to impress. That I would always say that I like anime just to impress her but I was lying which was wrong. Then she cheated on me so I felt like it was justified. But I guess the worst part of that is that not only did I lie to her, wish I'm fine with, but I somewhat lied to you guys, people that watched me and thought that I actually watched these anime before while I was just saying that to impress a girl. And a quick note before every comment in the comment section says this, I private videos because I can't handle the criticism. Even if I explain my side and prove myself to be in the right, you're always or in my case, I'm always going to have those comments of people claiming I'm lying. And on those videos that people say I've privateed because I'm hiding things, I'm not hiding anything. I just can't handle it. And I've handled it well in a past. Sometimes I just let it be but this time I just can't take it anymore. I can't. So I privateed those videos and they're going to state private whether you like it or not. I recognize my flaws. I recognize that I was wrong for lying but I don't fake anything. I don't fake my reactions. If you see me reacting to music or if you see me reacting to an anime or a movie, I've never seen or heard what I'm watching. I can't put on an act. I can't fake this. I can't. I don't have the mental stability to be able to act the way I do in my videos if it was acting. I completely respect someone that says, I don't like this guy. I think he's faking his reactions. I completely respect that. That's your point of view. Do I agree with it? No, but it's your point of view. But when you make claims and you claim that I'm a fake reactor, he said this, there, this guy is a fucking idiot, this guy is a fucking awful monster. He's a liar. I just don't understand that. And then you have these people copy and pasting these negative things on every single video I do. I don't fake my reactions. But even if I did, you should see the thousands and thousands and thousands of messages and comments that I receive from people saying that my happiness, that my videos save them that I made their day. And that means more to me than anything else. If it means faking a reaction that saves somebody's life, I will do it. But I haven't. I've not done that yet. And if I do do that, I'll come clean about a one day. But I did not do it yet. I did not. I know people get mad at me when I talk about this. They're like, man, just move on. We love your content. Don't worry about these haters. There's not much of them. Guys, even if it was one or two people, this is where I'm at right now. I can't handle it. It's hard. It's hard. And I'd be lying if I was sitting here saying that it's easy. I even just watched a video of a girl breaking down why my reactions are fake and calling me a fake fuck. I don't know what to say. I don't know. And that's my fault. It's my fault for putting these videos online. I'm open to criticism. I'm not playing victim. People that probably get a quote to eat this and say, look at this guy playing victim. I don't want attention. I don't. I really don't, guys. I hate it. I hate attention. I fucking hate it. It's the reason why I was a nerd in school and had no friends. I hate attention. It's just who I am. All I want is to meet the love of my life, move away, and just start an entire new life and just make a family and have a great time. You can't please everybody. I understand that. But it's like, I'm just trying to have a good time. I'm just trying to make people smile. And if you have nothing nice to say, this isn't the channel to criticize. There's a lot of channels that are open for criticism. There's a lot of channels that bring up these critical points that are more of discussions. But for my videos, I'm just reacting to stuff. There's nothing to criticize. There's no room or need for negativity. Let's just have a good time. If I was faking things, if I was lying to people, I would understand it. But I'm not. I'm not. Maybe in the past, I've straight away from saying negative things about something because I didn't want to get attacked by a fan base. I did that with the K-pop community. But I stopped doing that. I learned from doing that because I don't want to lie. You are the only people in my life that have ever given me a chance. And also with this only fans thing, it's good money. I'm not going to lie. The people that subscribe to my only fans get what they came for literally. I'll never search my name again because some of the things I've seen just destroyed me make me hate myself for things that I can't control. People honestly hate me. And I don't do anything to deserve that. I feel like no one deserves hatred unless you're a horrible person. But I don't think I've done anything in my life that makes me horrible. Anyways, sorry if I ruined anyone's mood. I just wanted to clear this up to get this out and to explain myself because in a lot of comments sections, people are calling me out and my messages, I'm getting hateful messages, I'm getting criticism, valid criticism and very hateful criticism. And I just wanted to make this video to air out everything inside of me because I can't, I can hardly wear you guys. And please don't think I am playing victim. And I am asking for attention. I, this is why people end up doing things because everyone thinks they're doing something for attention and then it then is too late. I'm just doing this such as vent because I hate keeping things inside. Anyways, reactions resume tomorrow. I did not stop doing music reactions. I'm going to keep doing that. I just wanted to take a little, little, little, little break from doing music reactions because I've been doing it for three plus years straight. And I just wanted to try something else. But yeah, guys, I love you. And to those that hate me, I don't know what to tell you to find something better with your time because you're not living how you're supposed to be living. You're dying slowly. All right, guys. I love you. Goodbye.