what a covert narcissist is gaslighting you. There might be common phrases that you hear over and over and over again in your relationship with them that they use to gaslight you and manipulate you so that the argument ends with them not taking any accountability and getting away with whatever it was they were doing in the first place. My name is Lisa Kaluci and I am here to help you transform your life and heal from toxic relationships. So let's just go through these common phrases and sometimes I'll add a little bit about what they're actually saying there and what they mean. Besides the basic ones that we all hear over and over again like you're crazy, you're too sensitive, there is a lot of common themes, a lot of common phrases you might hear from toxic people. So after listening to these common phrases from mostly covert narcissistic people, let me know in the comments if there are any you would add. Here are the phrases you might hear. You're not making any sense. I don't know what you're talking about. So here's a fun one. They might say something like it's not about me, like they're maybe having a conversation, it's not about me, I don't wanna make this about me, but and then they go on to describe something that is entirely about them. Or it's not about you, not everything's about you, you know. I don't know why you make everything about you. That never happened. You know what, you don't ever remember things correctly. You always remember what you wanna remember. You hear what you wanna hear. You don't remember anything correctly. So say you catch, I'm red handed or say, they can't deny something. It is so obvious that they can't deny it. I'm sorry, you feel that way. I'm sorry, you feel hurt by that. I'm sorry that that doesn't make sense to you. Or if they know you have something going on, if you've had an illness, if you struggle with something like depression or any other kind of mental health issue, if you are tired, if you are hormonal, if you are sick, whatever it is, if they know there's something going on in your life that sometimes makes you have a reaction or sometimes makes you have a mood change at all, which is kind of almost everyone out there in some level, right? They'll say, I know you're just saying this because you have going on. I know you're just saying this because of problem that you have. So basically they'll weaponize anything you give them, any information you give them about your health, your mental health, your well-being, things that trigger you, things that upset you, your past traumas, and they'll use a phrase like, I know you're saying this because of and insert that issue. Here's more. I forgot. I didn't know. I don't know what you're talking about. It's not really my fault. Well, that wasn't my fault. How was I supposed to know? It's not my fault. You're the one who caused this. You're the one who brings this up. Why are you always bringing up things that are problems? Why are you always bringing up these horrible issues? Are you doing this to me? Why are you doing this to me? The vulnerable covert narcissist, why are you doing this to me? Why are you trying to hurt me? You're accusing me of things. And then the more arrogant narcissist, whether it's covert or overt, doesn't matter, you cross the line. And they're going to say this differently. An overt person will say, you cross the line, and then they'll probably give you the silent treatment or punish you in some way. Whereas a covert narcissist will say, you cross the line and then make you grovel, make you beg and then play victim. They usually do that when they're called out on something that either they can't deny their caught red handed or they know they do, and they're trying to reinsert their mask really firmly in front of the reality so that their ego can take over and they don't have to do anything about the issue. So some other phrases, I can't deal with this. I'm not going to deal with this right now. We already talked about this. Why do you keep bringing up the past? Why do you keep bringing up the same topic? You know what, it's no wonder no one likes you. It's no wonder. And then the more covert narcissist, who is the type that plays the good guy all the time or plays innocent and victim, they might say, you know what, let's just focus on the good. Let's just focus on the good. Have you ever seen a covert narcissist where they will do this when you're really upset about something and they'll play like innocent, almost childlike and be like, let's just focus on the good. Let's just move forward from here. Or you're like, yeah, that'd be great. Could we talk about the issue first? Could we discuss something? Could we see how maybe this can stop happening or maybe there can be some understanding here? You want a conversation, right? You want communication that's real. And they're just glossing over it with the like, let's just be friendly here. Let's just be nice to one another. Okay, yeah, right. And then when that doesn't work, there's the shutdown. There's the accusations and there's more of this. Why can't you just let it go? I don't know what you want me to say right now. You know I never said that or you know I never did that. Get your facts straight. I am not going through this again. You know what, you always need to be right. You always pick fights. And then there's the good old. You never told me that. You know, there are so many phrases narcissistic people use when they are gaslighting you to get away with it. You can see how every single one of these phrases that I've just said here, shots a discussion down. It shots communication down. It creates a wall. Once that wall is up, conversation over. If you've ever noticed when a narcissist is gaslighting you using these types of phrases or others, once this starts, it doesn't stop. It ends the discussion. That topic is now off limits and that topic is now completed. The narcissist is done with the conversation. The narcissist at that point has refused accountability. It has even refused to have any discussion about the matter at hand that is upsetting you. Okay. And so when they're doing this, stop. Stop engaging. Disengage. Grey rock or yellow rock. Get the heck away from them. Let them have their very interesting point of view, which is nothing more than deflection and diversion and redirection so that you're not paying attention to the thing that matters. And so that you're not able to have any sense of relationship or any sense of feeling like what you're saying matters and what you feel matters. Okay. There's no point at this point in continuing the conversation. It's over. They have ended it, but what they're also doing is proving how they are. They're proving over and over and over again that they cannot engage in conversation. They have any meaningful discussion that creates change toward a better relationship. Hit the thumbs up. If you need help, please check out the information in the main description of every video. There's information on coaching and group coaching as well as peer support. Okay. I will see you guys on the next video. Check out some of the videos here about covert narcissism.