Hi everyone, I hope you're really well today. So I haven't done one of these videos for a while where I'm sat down literally on the floor amongst all the kids' toys next to my plants. I feel like this is an issue I want to talk about, something that I get asked a lot of questions about and I've never really addressed in a video. So I'm going to be talking about discipline as you probably guessed from the title. Discipline's a bit of a funny subject, some people get a bit strange around it because some people think we shouldn't discipline our kids and that we should just let them be, that things like manners and saying please and thank you aren't that important and that they should be little and allowed to do those things, other people are the other end of the spectrum and are very very strict on discipline and think it's crucial. I sit somewhere in the middle but I definitely think that discipline is important and it's something that matters to me, not even for my sake but for my kids sake. I want them to be disciplined, I want them to be well regarded when people see them, I think it will work in their favour. I feel like it's a bit of a taboo basically and it shouldn't be because it's a really important part of parenting and that's just the thing, I am their parent, I'm not their friend so I feel like part of my role as their parent is to discipline them a little bit and is to help them learn how to navigate this world and sometimes things like manners are important and do help you have a better experience in the world so that's sort of where I'm coming at it from and I do feel like our kids have pretty good manners. I mean we put them in adult situations a lot, we go travelling, I think one time we did like 11 internal flights in one trip, we take them out late, they don't have a routine, they just very much go with the flow and I just really want to share a couple of the things that we do that might help other people watching this so here goes, this plant is just a little bit intense. So tip number one is actually the idea that less is more. I do think that there is a strong case for pairing back on discipline, stick with me here, I'm not somebody that is all the time telling my kids what to do and telling them off for doing the slightest thing. If they want to stand on the table at home, I let them stand on the table at home if they do that when we're out that's a different issue. I guess my role is so long as they're respectful of the environment and the circumstances then it's fine but basically I try not to discipline them too much and try to just stand back and I don't rush in telling them don't do this, don't touch that, don't go there, don't hold that. I just let them be if I'm always telling them off and stepping in at every little thing then when there's something that is really important that I do need to talk to them about it will just kind of slip through because they feel like it's just another thing that mom's saying so I really pair it back when possible and hold out until the important stuff. It's easy to kind of feel paranoid as a parent that you have to always be reprimanding your child especially when in public when I think often you don't need to and people don't mind if like for example if your kid goes off and starts chatting to someone else at another table more often than not these people probably won't mind there's no need to kind of step in so as and when I try not to step in tip number two when I do step in and say something I think it's really really important to stick to your words so if I say to the kids look if you're going to do that we can't do that and they do do that then I stick to what I've said and I mean it and I don't change and I don't waver so hopefully they know that what I say stands and it's not just an empty statement so they think next time they can get away with it and that whatever I've said they can't do or won't have isn't going to matter and very strict when it comes to sticking to my word because I think that they need to know that what you're saying is valid and true when you lay down a boundary that's that and it's not changing and you have to live with the consequences so for example one thing I wouldn't do is say if you do that you're not going to go to so and so as birthday party or something because I don't want to not let them go to the birthday party I don't think that's fair on the kids who's having the birthday so I'm not going to say it if it's never something I'm actually going to fulfill I hope that makes sense whereas I can say look if you're going to do that we're not going to be able to have dessert or something for dinner that is something I can fulfill and that is something I will fulfill if that boundary is crossed and I will stick to my word on it point number three is be consistent so what I mean by this is if you've got someone else say a partner you guys need to be consistent in what you say so if I say something I expect Sam to stick to it and not to have his own set of rules and vice versa we have this kind of understanding because then it just gets very confusing for the kid if one person saying one thing another person saying another thing so it's really important to be consistent with your partner tip number four so if my kids misbehaving we're in public I won't discipline them then and there this is something that I really don't like doing or seeing when other parents start telling their kids off in public I don't think it's fair on the child I don't think it makes the parent look good I don't think it's effective most importantly because everyone's very hit up and embarrassed and it's a public space for me it's just not where you do those things what I do instead is once we've left the space whether it's a friend house or a cafe or something then we'll discuss it number five when it comes to disciplining the kids I employ a lot of tactics I've already talked about bribery essentially a big fan of that if you do this you'll get that I personally think it's a great little tactic the other one it's distraction so if the kids are misbehaving trying to strap them and getting them interested in something else I'll ask questions there's nothing kids love more I find them being asked questions so there's lots of little tactics I think you can employ that also help with discipline tip number six so I guess strictly speaking this is exclusion but I don't think of it like that I think of it more as time out in a positive sense sometimes if when the kids misbehaving I'll say okay well you're going to go behind the door then and there's this little space outside our main area where there's the stairs and then time little space it just kind of takes them away from the space that we're in it's not so much an exclusion think it's more like okay you have your space and we'll have ours and when you're ready to join us come back but till then I'd like you to be in that space there and actually the reason why it's something that I'm really comfortable with is that more often than not I feel like it's something that the kids need like sometimes I'll put Jack outside in the space and he kind of wants to be there you know he kind of wants to be alone and just sort his stuff out by himself so I think that exclusion and separate spaces and all that can be a really positive thing I'm a bit strange about it being their bedroom because I'm not that keen on my kids associating their bedroom with kind of bad behavior so I just kind of do it in a neutral space the next thing I want to say about discipline is just about tiredness and discipline whatever my kids are doing if they're tired good behavior goes out the window so if I'm sensing that and I feel like I need to step in I'll say hey why don't you go lie down take a blanket the other thing is water can solve everything so sometimes I might put the kids in the bath and somehow that just magically solves everything water is amazing for that so yeah if you sense that the kids are tired or need like a change of scenery try encouraging them to rest or try putting them in the bath the next thing is around our behavior and that is the importance of being calm when you are disciplining your kids I read a really good quote the other day that said your kids not having a bad day you are I really really try to stay super calm and not get kind of head up by the situation which is also why if we're in public I don't discipline there I prefer to do at home in like our space I just kind of treat them like adults get down on their level look them in the eye and just stay super calm because you know if they're seeing you lose your shit then how are they supposed to really get a good grasp of what good behavior is so I think it's really important and for this reason as well I try and get enough sleep because if I'm tired or if I'm stressed then that affects the way that I can discipline my kids as well that makes sense so yeah another thing that I do to discipline my kids kind of following on from all of this is talk so when they are behaving badly or have behave badly we talk and talk and talk it out like I'm saying I don't raise my voice I don't shout but I talk about it with them so we'll be walking along and I'll say to Jack you know hey what was all that about and we discussed things and we flesh it out and mull it over and he kind of works out on his head and we talk about why it might have happened but yeah I think communication and talking things out is so important talk about it in the bath talk about it over dinner whenever we can in the car and like I might one day talk about saying that happened a week ago just to kind of start encouraging them to kind of get the cogs working and see why it might have happened but yeah I really think talking is super important the last point I want to make around discipline is sometimes it is just really hard and things are not going right we do have things in our toolkit as parents that we can use TV ice cream fresh air these kind of things rely on them because they can really help out sometimes yeah a need to whack on the TV and take a half an hour break and I promise you things will be better thank you guys so much for watching I really enjoyed making this video I probably ran wild loads but I had a lot I wanted to get out so thank you for watching don't forget to subscribe to my channel and I will see you next time bye