Hello, and welcome to the wonderful world of stuff. Today we are looking at the wonderful world of one-liner jokes. So here we go, number one. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down. Number two. I went to buy some camo pants but couldn't find any. Three, I failed math so many times at school, I can't even count. Four, I used to have a handle on my life, but then I think it must have fell off. Number five. I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger, but then it hit me. Six. I heard there were a bunch of break ins over at the multi-story car park. That is wrong on so many levels. Number seven. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. Number eight. When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic. Nine. Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do. Number ten. It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do. Eleven. I told him to be himself. That was pretty mean I guess. Number twelve. I know they say that money talks, but all mine says is goodbye. Thirteen. My father has schizophrenia, not to worry, he's good people. Fourteen. The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they always take things, literally, number fifteen. I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off. Number sixteen. Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am, as an electrician. Seventeen. Never trust atoms, they make up, everything. Eighteen. My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline. She proper hit the ceiling. Nineteen. I was addicted to the hokey-poky, but then I turned myself around. Number twenty. I used to think I was indecisive. But now, I'm not so sure. Number twenty-one. Russian dolls are so full of themselves. Twenty-two. The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing someone's cast. Twenty-three. Light travels faster than sound, which is the reason that some people appear quite bright, before you hear them speak. Twenty-four. My therapist says I have a preoccupation for revenge. We'll see about that. Twenty-five. A termite walks into the bar and asks, is the bartender here? Number twenty-six. I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed somewhat surprised. Twenty-seven. People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good long look at themselves. Twenty-eight. Two fish are in a tank. One says, how do you drive this thing? Twenty-nine. I always take life with a grain of salt. And a slice of lemon. And a shot of tequila. Number thirty. Just burn two thousand calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap. Number thirty-one. This borrow money from a pessimist. They will never expect it back. Thirty-two. Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he'll be warmed for the rest of his life. Thirty-three. I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it. Thirty-four. Don't worry, the last thing I want to do is hurt you, and it's a very long list. Thirty-five. The problem isn't that obesity runs in your family. It's that no one runs in your family. Number thirty-six. Every day a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation toward the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water. Number thirty-seven. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down. Thirty-eight. Doctor, there's a patient online one that says he's invisible. Well, tell him I can't see him right now. Thirty-nine. Atheism is a non-profit organization. Number forty. A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it. Number forty-one. The future, the present, and the past, walk into a bar. Things got a little too tense. Forty-two. Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize them, you're a mile away and, you have their shoes. Forty-three. Last night my girlfriend was complaining that I never listened to her. Or something like that. Forty-four. Maybe if we start telling people their brain is an app, they'll want to use it. Forty-five. If a partially farmer gets sued, can they garnish his wages? Number forty-six. I got a new pair of gloves today, but they're both left, which on the one hand is great, but on the other, it's just not right. Number forty-seven. I didn't think orthopedic shoes would help, but I stand corrected. Forty-eight. I was riding a donkey the other day when someone threw a rock at me and I fell off. I guess I was stoned off my ass. Forty-nine. People who take care of chickens are literally chicken tenders. Number fifty. It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tears. Can you believe it? We are almost halfway there. I apologize for the continuation of the most corneous jokes on the planet. But please like, share and subscribe. I promise to find even cheesier ones for future content. Here we go again. Number fifty-one. I just got kicked out of a secret cooking society. I spilled the beans. Fifty-two. What's a frog's favorite type of shoes? Open-toed sandals. Fifty-three. Plant pencils are really pointless. Fifty-four. Six thirty is the best time on a clock. Hands down. Fifty-five. Two Wi-Fi engineers got married. The reception was fantastic. Number fifty-six. Just got fired from my job as a set designer. I left without making a scene. Fifty-seven. What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know and I don't care. Fifty-eight. One of the cows didn't produce milk today. It was another failure. Fifty-nine. Adam and Eve were the first ones to ever ignore the apple, terms and conditions. Number sixty. I refuse to go to the gym. It's part of my resistance training program. Number sixty-one. If attacked by a mob of clowns, go for the juggler. Sixty-two. The man who invented Velcro has died. RIP. Sixty-three. Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular. Sixty-four. A dung beetle walks into a bar and asks, is this stool taken? Sixty-five. I can tell when people are being judged metal just by looking at them. Number sixty-six. The rotation of earth really makes my day. Sixty-seven. Well, to be frank with you, I'd have to change my name. Sixty-eight. My friend was explaining electricity to me, but I was like, what? Sixty-nine. What if there were no hypothetical questions? Number seventy. Are people born with photographic memories, or does it take time to develop seventy-one? The world champion tongue twister got arrested. I hear they're going to give him a tough sentence, seventy-two. Pollin is what happens when flowers, can't keep it in their plants, seventy-three. A book fell on my head the other day. I only have my shelf to blame, seventy-four. Communist jokes aren't funny unless everyone gets them, seventy-five. Geology rocks, but geographies were it's at, seventy-six. I buy all my guns from a guy called Terex. He's a small arms dealer, number seventy-seven. My friend's bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast, seventy-eight. Four fonts walk into a bar. The bartender says, hey, we don't want your type in here, seventy-nine. If you don't pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed? Number eighty. When the cannibal showed up late to the buffet, they gave him the cold shoulder, number eighty-one. A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of three. He says, uno, dos, and puff. He disappeared without a trezz, eighty-two. Nothing for pieces like screwing for virginity, eighty-three. A ghost walked into a bar in order to shot at vodka. The bartender said, sorry, we don't serve spirits here, eighty-four. The man who invented knock-knock jokes should get a Nobel Prize, eighty-five. I bought the world's worst the Soros yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it's also terrible, number eighty-six. A blind man walked into a bar. And a table. And a chair, eighty-seven. A Freudian slip is when you mean one thing but meant your mother, eighty-eight. I went to a seafood disc last week and ended up pulling a muscle, eighty-nine. I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself, this changes everything, ninety. How do you make holy water? You boil, the hell out of it, number ninety-one. I saw a sign the other day that said, watch for children, and I thought, that sounds like a fair trade, ninety-two. Whiteboards are remarkable, ninety-three. I threw a boomerang a couple years ago, and now I live in constant fear, ninety-four. I put my grandma on speed dial the other day. I call it Instagram, number ninety-five. I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work, ninety-six. I have a split personality, said Tom, being frank, ninety-seven. My teachers told me I'd never amount to much because I procrastinate so much. I told them, just you wait, ninety-eight. Will glass coffins be a success? Things to be seen, ninety-nine. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side got amputated? He's alright now, number one hundred. The man who survived both mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran, number one hundred-one. Have you heard about the new restaurant called Karma? There's no menu, you get what you deserve. We come to the end of another episode of the wonderful world of stuff, thank you all for watching, if you enjoyed today's wonders please comment, like, share and subscribe. I hope to see you all again soon.