RBA

Explanation:
A Bel-Air is an internet meme where a poster on a message board starts a post on a serious topic, but partway through the post switches to reciting the lyrics to the opening theme song of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air , a 1990s sitcom starring Will Smith (previously known in his rapping career as the "Fresh Prince") as a street-smart teenager from West Philadelphia who has been sent to live with his affluent and stuffy Aunt and Uncle in Bel Air, Los Angeles by his mother as a consequence of a single altercation with a couple of no-good guys who were making trouble in his previous neighbourhood.
Megan in the comic reverses the traditional arrangement by starting the conversation with a recitation of the lyrics to said theme song, and then switching partway through to a very serious discussion of the status of their relationship culminating in a break-up.
The lyrics go like this:
Now this is the story all about how My life got flipped, turned upside down And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel-air
The title RBA is an initialism for Reverse Bel-Air .
The title text is also an RBA, but one that diverges from the song lyrics much more quickly. It's a play on the phrase "started drinking." This phrase usually refers to someone becoming an alcoholic (in this case, it would be because of the break-up), but in this case refers to the actual fact that Cueball had just started drinking (a glass of water) when Megan started talking to him.
A similar (though less serious) play on the Bel-Air meme was later used in 1059: Bel-Air .
[Megan walks up to Cueball pouring himself a drink.] Megan: Now, this is a story all about how
Megan: My life got flipped turned upside down
Megan: And I'd like to take a minute Megan: Just sit right there
Megan: I'll tell you how I became uncertain about our relationship. I think you just like having a girlfriend, it doesn't matter who. Megan: I think we should break up.
The reverse Bel-Air only works once, so make it something unforgettable. [Cut to a dropped glass, the drink spilled on the ground.] Cueball: ...wait, seriously? Megan: Yeah.


Quantum Teleportation

Explanation:
Quantum teleportation is a method of effectively taking a quantum state that exists in one laboratory and destroying it in the current laboratory and later recreating exactly the same — still unmeasured — quantum state in another laboratory that could potentially be very far away.
This is achieved by first creating an entangled quantum state in a laboratory and moving one part of the entangled quantum state to a faraway laboratory. Now let's say a scientist desires to teleport the quantum state |ψ⟩ to a faraway lab. The scientists does a specific measurement on the combination of |ψ⟩ and their half of the entangled quantum state, and the outcome of their measurement will be two bits of classical information. They can then telephone over the results of their two bits of information to tell scientists at the faraway lab how to do a measurement on their half of the entangled quantum state, which will recreate the quantum state |ψ⟩ at the faraway lab, effectively teleporting it. This is an important result in quantum mechanics, especially in regards to quantum computing.
The name is misleading in that it does not create an efficient means of transportation via teleportation — something like the teleporters from Star Trek i.e. a conventional teleporter — where macroscopic objects like humans (composed of 7 × 10 27 atoms ) could be teleported to an arbitrary place.
The comic jokes with the fact that news reporters wish to get a story about Star Trek teleporters, and the scientist is angry that there is no interest in his quantum version — the reporters are even disappointed when they write their story. The last panel appears to indicate that this scientist not only has a quantum teleporter, he also has a "regular" teleporter of the type the reporter is asking about, which would be a gigantic news item, as it is one of the biggest challenges of this century (and possibly future ones as well) to build one. He uses the conventional to escape to The Bahamas.
The whole method of quantum teleportation is predicated on being able to first create entangled quantum states and then transport, by conventional means, one-half of the entangled state. Only after this step could you then destroy the shared entangled quantum state, to "teleport" a different quantum state to the new location.
Quantum teleportation is deeply related to Bell's theorem where it's shown that quantum mechanics is incompatible with the idea of local hidden variables and that has been experimentally demonstrated (though a few very small loopholes still have not been conclusively ruled out). Explaining "it's a particle statistics thing" is a great explanation of the related Bell's theorem experiments, which demonstrate quantum entanglement, which is at the root of quantum teleportation. In these experiments, physicists take an entangled quantum state, move it apart, and then randomly decide which direction to measure each side of the quantum states. Through a statistical analysis of the results, you can demonstrate and measure each entangled particle in a randomly chosen direction. The statistical correlations between the particles are consistent with quantum mechanics and inconsistent with any local hidden variable theory; however, this instantaneous wave-function collapse does not break special relativity as wave-function collapse does not allow communication of any information . Instead, you can just analyze the correlations after the fact and compare the hypothesis of local hidden variables to the inconsistent hypothesis predicted by quantum mechanics and verify the quantum mechanical prediction.
In the comic, Cueball explains to the reporter that quantum teleportation isn't what reporters build it up to be, before Cueball successfully teleports by switching his teleportation machine from quantum teleportation to regular teleportation.
The title text refers to the controversial 1940s Soviet Experiments in the Revival of Organisms video that depicts a dog's head being cut off and revived. The film is controversial in that the footage is often perceived as being staged, though the Soviet scientist depicted in the video was attempting these sorts of experiments, and this research eventually led to the first Soviet open heart operation in 1957 — another instance of crazy headlines that may not be as interesting to the public when first explained, but may be an important step on the way to some type of practical use. Cutting apart and reassembling dogs could also be a metaphor for quantum teleportation if it were used to transfer dogs' states from a group of particles in one location to a group of particles in another location, which could be described as taking apart dogs and resembling them in a different location, although the word cut would be inaccurate. If this is the case, then Randall is arguing that this particular piece of science is as cool as it seems (because the objects are disassembled then resembled into someone else, as opposed to simply being moved); the reporters are merely disappointed because they were expecting something else.
[A Cueball-like reporter and Cueball are facing each other, sitting in chairs.] Reporter: So, Quantum Teleportation- Cueball: The name is misleading. It's a particle statistics thing.
[Zoom in on the reporter.] Reporter: So it's not like Star Trek? That's boring.
[Zoom out again to both. Cueball leaves his seat and moves behind it.] Cueball: Okay, I'm sick of this. Every time there's a paper on quantum teleportation, you reporters write the same disappointed story.
[Cueball has gone to a device that was behind him and was out of the scope of the three previous panels. He turns a knob that makes a sound in a zigzag sound buble.] Reporter (Off panel): But- Cueball: Talk to someone else. I'm going to the Bahamas. Knob: Click
[Inserted panel with a zoom in on the device that is labeled, and the knob is now turned to the right position. Both possible positions are labeled.] Label: Teleporter Left: Quantum Right: Regular
[Cueball is beamed up in classic Star Trek fashion.] Vrmmm


Moving

Explanation:
The caption notes that few forces are more powerful than a geek trying to get Internet in a new apartment, thus explaining the title of the comic: Moving .  One of the consequences of moving one's place of residence is having to arrange connection to various essential utilities, including the internet.  One way to reduce the time where such utilities are unavailable is to steal them off your neighbours.  As geeks prioritise access to Minecraft over common human values, they are more likely to access other's internet via such underhanded means.
A cantenna is a do-it-yourself antenna made from a can, in this case a pringles can. Cueball is pointing his cantenna to the neighbors across the road, which, as he says, will allow him to connect to the wifi network there.
Megan asks if the neighbors themselves have internet access, to which Cueball answers that they don't, but he thinks that they will get hooked up to the internet first.  Potentially this is because they are more likely to pay for their internet access rather than hacking someone else's.
The title text continues this theme of connecting to other people's networks, noting that we should have a holiday in honour of those people who don't bother reconfiguring their Linksys routers (thus leaving them with the default name of 'linksys'; this was very common when this comic was published in 2008), which allows other people to connect to those networks very easily, as they aren't encrypted by default and don't need a password.
[Caption above the panel:] There are few forces more powerful than geeks desperately trying to get internet in a new apartment. [Cueball is pointing an empty can out the open window. It is placed on a moving box, and lots of small parts are lying on the floor in the otherwise empty room. Megan stands behind him with a laptop in one hand.] Cueball: Okay, the pringles cantenna has let us patch into the WiFi network across the road. Megan: And they have internet? Cueball: No, but I think the cable van will hook up their house first.


X Girls Y Cups

Explanation:
The comic refers to Hungry Bitches , a 2007 scat-fetish pornographic film. The one-minute preview, unofficially nicknamed "2 Girls 1 Cup," is a viral video that became a well-known internet meme . It is therefore not surprising that only the input combination of x=2 and y=1 generates a significant number of search results, being 257 times as frequent as the runner-up, "1 Girl 1 Cup."
This table is an example of a rudimentary heat map . The cells in the table with zero hits are white. From 1 to 9 they are yellow, and above that they are orange - except the maximum, which is red. As the second largest count is below 10,000 (7503) and the maximum almost two million, it is impossible to say if the red color is reserved for the maximum or for any number above a given value, say from ten thousand or up to above a million hits.
The title text suggests other combinations like 1 girl to 10,000 cups (very large number of cups to one girl), 2 girls to (5+3i) cups (a complex number ), 65536 girls to 65536 cups (2 16 , the first integer that can't be represented as a two-byte unsigned integer), and finally 3 French hens and 2 turtle doves to 1 cup. All are phrases with apparently no search results.
The last phrase is a reference to the song The Twelve Days of Christmas . After the publication of this comic, the phrase has been cross-posted at various sites in order to generate search results and prove the statement in the title text wrong. The same has happened to other entries, as it often happens shortly after Randall posts something regarding Google searches.
Google results for "<x> girls <y> cups" [There is a table with eight columns and eight rows. The cells are colored depending on the value in the cell: cells with the value 0 are clear/white, cells with values 1-9 are yellow, cells with values 10 and above are orange, and the cell with the highest value is red.] [Above the tabel is the label for the columns:] Cups [To the left the label for the rows:] Girls [0 girls 0 cups has value 3; 0 girls 1 cup has 375; 0 girls 2 cups has 9; 1 girl 0 cups has 7; 1 girl 1 cup has 7503; 1 girl 2 cups has 2007; 1 girl 3 cups has 10; 1 girl 4 cups has 5; 1 girl 5 cups has 3; 1 girl 6 cups has 6; 1 girl 7 cups has 2; 2 girls 0 cups has 9; 2 girls 1 cup has 1,929,000; 2 girls 2 cups has 247; 2 girls 3 cups has 7; 2 girls 4 cups has 14; 2 girls 5 cups has 13; 2 girls 6 cups has 2; 2 girls 7 cups has 1; 3 girls 0 cups has 7; 3 girls 1 cup has 6335; 3 girls 2 cups has 394; 3 girls 3 cups has 34; 3 girls 4 cups has 3; 3 girls 5 cups has 2; 3 girls 6 cups has 6; 4 girls 0 cups has 3; 4 girls 1 cup has 3513; 4 girls 2 cups has 34; 4 girls 4 cups has 63; 5 girls 0 cups has 1; 5 girls 1 cup has 9; 5 girls 2 cups has 5; 5 girls 3 cups has 3; 5 girls 6 cups has 3; 6 girls 0 cups has 3; 6 girls 1 cup has 1461; 6 girls 2 cups has 1; 6 girls 3 cups has 1; 6 girls 4 cups has 1; 7 girls 0 cups has 2; 7 girls 1 cup has 19; 7 girls 2 cups has 4; 7 girls 3 cups has 2; and the rest have 0.]


Fetishes

Explanation:
Bertrand Russell and Alfred North Whitehead co-wrote the Principia Mathematica , with the intention of cataloging all of mathematics and ridding it of contradiction and self-reference. Kurt Gödel later showed that such a system is impossible, and that any system of axioms (complex enough to represent arithmetic) is incomplete .
This comic, however, presents an alternate universe scenario: here, Russell and Whitehead are pursuing the more salacious (but no less comprehensive) task of compiling a list of all sexual fetishes. This seems to be going fine until they ask Gödel for his fetishes; Gödel says that he is turned on by "anything not on your list." This creates a paradox - Russell and Whitehead now have no way to complete their list, because Gödel's fetishes cannot be included without putting them on the list, which would immediately invalidate them. In fact, this is precisely Russell's Paradox , discovered by Bertrand Russell himself.
The title text references Georg Cantor , the inventor of set theory , and adds a second, similar paradox: if you have a fetish for doing everything in the book twice, then that belongs in the book - but then, you must also have a fetish for doing that twice, so you have to put that in the book too; this process will keep adding fetishes to the book ad infinitum , again making the task impossible to complete.
There is a fetish roadmap ( archive.org ) by Katharine Gates, author of Deviant Desires and DeviantDesires.com.
An earlier comic also refers to Kurt Gödel: 24: Godel, Escher, Kurt Halsey .
[Caption above the panel:] Author Katharine Gates recently attempted to make a chart of all sexual fetishes. Little did she know that Russell and Whitehead had already failed at this same task.
[Russell, with long hair, and Whitehead are standing with Gödel (the last two are both Cueball-like), Russell holding a clipboard and smoking a pipe. Gödel is holding his chin with his right hand as he ponders the question.]
Russell: Hey, Gödel — we're compiling a comprehensive list of fetishes. What turns you on? Gödel: Anything not on your list. Russell: Uh…hm.


Improvised

Explanation:
In the second of the original Star Wars film Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back , just before Han Solo , portrayed by Harrison Ford , is frozen in carbonite, the following conversation occurs:
Leia: I love you. Han: I know.
The original script had Han Solo respond to Leia with "I love you, too," but Harrison Ford felt that the character would not give such a cliched response, even in the face of likely death. He and the director Irvin Kershner changed the line to "I know" before filming. They did, however, also film the scripted version, but it was the "I know" version that was actually used in the finished film.
This line is generally thought to be better than the original would have been. It was long thought that Harrison Ford ad-libed the line. Others have even suggested it was because they had filmed the scene so many times, that Ford in exasperation at some point just blurted out the "I know" after hearing "I love you" so many times. But it has later been revealed that it was not ad-lib on the spot, although Harrison did suggest the I know line to the director. This has been described here: How the Famous 'I Love You/I Know' Scene From 'The Empire Strikes Back' Really Came Together .
The comic presents several alternative ad-libs that Ford could have made in that conversation, as well as at various points throughout the original trilogy. So in this situation, it is the actor Ford and not Han Solo who speaks the lines.
Note: although it's spelled "wookie" in the comic, the canonical spelling of Chewbacca's species is " Wookiee ".
The title text continues the ad-lib in panel four. It refers to the plot twist that Luke Skywalker is Princess Leia's brother, which would not be revealed until the next film in the series. How Harrison Ford knows this twist at this point in the story is unknown.
[Caption above the panels:] Harrison Ford famously improvised his "I know" line in E.S.B. Here are a few of his less-successful ad-libs:
[Harrison Ford as Han Solo (in all the panels) stands in front of Princess Leia on the Cloud City Carbon Freezing Chamber.] Leia: I love you. Han: Well, duh.
[Han Solo in the cockpit of the Millennium Falcon.] C-3P0: Sir, the possibility of successfully navigating an asteroid field is approximately 3720 to 1! Han: Seriously? ...Christ.
[Han Solo stands in front of Princess Leia on the Cloud City Carbon Freezing Chamber.] Leia: I love you. Han: Oh! Hey, that explains the kissing earlier.
[Han Solo stands in front of Princess Leia on the Cloud City Carbon Freezing Chamber.] Leia: I love you. Han: I'm nailing your brother.
[Han Solo standing in front of Luke Skywalker, who is holding a blast shield helmet and a lightsaber. The training droid hovers between them.]
Han: Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for scissors, though they do beat paper and rock.
[Han Solo stands in front of Princess Leia on the Cloud City Carbon Freezing Chamber.] Leia: I love you. Han: Cool. Listen, this thing is really, really cold.
[Han Solo stands in front of Princess Leia on the Cloud City Carbon Freezing Chamber.] Leia: I love you. Han: Wowzers.
[Han Solo sits with two others. General Madine approaches.] Madine: General Solo, is your strike team assembled? Han: Barely. They're pretty drunk.
[Han Solo and Princess Leia stand in an Ice Tunnel of Hoth.] Leia: I'd just as soon kiss a wookie. Han: Man, me too but Chewie never seems interested. Maybe I should grow my hair out.


The End is Not for a While

Explanation:
People show up at protests because they're angry about something and want to use peaceful means or otherwise to effect political change. It's very much a groupthink, "mob" mentality, bringing to mind the credo, "If you're not with us, you're against us."
Hardly anyone goes to a protest because they're happy about the way things are, and thus, someone holding up signs saying how happy he is would, to say the least, be very out of place at a protest, although it's more common than expected .
The title text shows another sign Cueball is carrying (although since it compliments the protesters, he may not get in as much trouble for it).
The title of the comic refers to the oft-seen protest placard "The end is now," signifying that person's belief that we live in the end times, and it's time to start getting right with (insert religious figure of your choice here).
[Cueball with two picket signs. Ponytail with a picket sign stands partially out of the frame, staring at Cueball.] I get in trouble for showing up contented at protests. Sign 1: Things are pretty okay! Sign 2: Anyone for Scrabble later?


Aversion Fads

Explanation:
A " furry " is a person interested in anthropomorphic animal characters – fictional animal characters that, for example, walk and talk like humans. A common stereotype is that furries role-play their "fursona" ("furry" persona) by dressing up in animal costumes, as demonstrated by the furry in this comic. There are numerous other stereotypes as well, often of a sexual nature , so furries are frequently the target of criticism on the Internet.
In this comic, Cueball and his Cueball-like friend encounter a furry, and react negatively according to the stereotype. In response, Megan kindly invites the furry to help with her kite. Megan explains that, while she too thinks furries are strange, she opposes the hypocritical treatment they disproportionately receive from others who are likely just as strange, and therefore defends furries, given the opportunity.
The furry appreciates Megan's support, comparing it to Aesop 's fable of The Lion and the Mouse , in which a lion spares a mouse from being eaten; the lion later becomes caught in a trap, so the mouse repays the earlier favor by chewing through the cords of the trap to free the lion. This simile is meant as a genuine expression of gratitude and indebtedness from the furry, but the joke is that Megan rebukes this specific comparison, as she assumes the furry will be sexually aroused by the animal bondage in the story.
In the title text, Megan asks if the furry has any hamster friends as potential passengers for her kite. She likely means a literal hamster – a rodent that would be small enough to fly on a kite. (This may be a reference to comic 20: Ferret , which also involves a small, flying mammal.) However, this being a furry, she could also mean a human with a hamster "fursona," although this would be too heavy to fly on a typical kite. [ citation needed ]
[Two Cueball-like guys stand together as a young guy dressed up with small ears and a tail approaches.] Cueball: Oh God, a furry. Don't let it touch you.
[The furry hears someone call out to him.] Off-screen: Hey, kid.
[Megan is seen preparing a kite to be flown.] Megan: Forget those assholes. Come help me.
[The furry begins to help Megan set up the kite.] Furry: Thanks. So you're cool with furries?
[The two are now standing far apart, the furry with the kite and the line going over to Megan.] Megan: Well, I think your fetish is weird as hell. It just bothers me how you're this designated Internet punching bag among people who are otherwise down with weird fetishes. So I stick up for you when I can.
[The kite is now successfully up in the air, and Megan pulls the line with both hands moving backwards.] Furry: Well, thanks. I owe you one. Megan: It's no big deal.
[Megan stops some distance from the furry holding the line with one hand. The furry lifts one hand up apologizing.] Furry: No, this is like the lion and the mouse. Megan: ...Listen, can we pick a comparison less likely to turn you on? Furry: Sorry.


House of Pancakes

Explanation:
Randall is parodying Mark Z. Danielewski's epistolary novel House of Leaves by renaming it House of Pancakes (after the American fast food franchise International House of Pancakes ). House of Leaves has an unconventional page layout and style, including the colouring of every instance of the word "house" in blue, as is done on the menu. It includes footnotes within footnotes like Randall did here.
In House of Leaves , protagonist Johnny Truant (whose meta-narration is marked by Courier font as mimicked in the comic) discovers a book called The Navidson Record (represented here by the pancake menu), which in turn details a film of the same name, which in turn details a horror story of a family living in a sentient house. Truant, who is clearly intelligent and cultured, probes deeper into notating The Navidson Record —and into insomnia—until The Navidson Record consumes his mind horrifically, the same way the film in the novel consumed the author of The Navidson Record , the same way the house in the novel consumed part of the family.
House of Leaves lends itself to many interpretations, but has been called a "satire of academic criticism," which makes this comic essentially a satire of a satire. Since part of the appeal of House of Leaves is that it takes itself extremely seriously with its intricacy, multitude of both real and made-up references to academic and popular culture, and layered emotional conflict, Randall's reduction of the House of Leaves to the (International) House of Pancakes cuts a humorous edge to a dark story. The tone of the comic parodies the tone of House of Leaves : lonely, fear-inducing, and increasingly insane, but using pancakes instead of darkness.
Additionally, the mysterious "Mohawk Girl" referred to in the comic may be a nod to the House of Leaves character Delial, or to comic 147 .
The word "house" is in blue in every instance, which is a stylistic attribute of Mark Z. Danielewski's novel. Every Minotaur reference is marked out in red ink, and every use of "house" or a foreign language's equivalent, such as 'haus' and 'maison' is in blue. This is not a reference to hyperlinks. It is often thought that the house is printed in blue because houses have 'blueprints.'
The censored portion of the Big Steak Omelette is "...fresh green peppers, onions, mushrooms,..." per IHOP's website for the Big Steak Omelette: "Tender and tasty strips of steak, hash browns, fresh green peppers, onions, mushrooms, tomatoes and Cheddar cheese."  Also, Omelette is misspelled, but that's probably just a typo.
The title text refers to the Waffle House , another US restaurant chain. The joke is that the protagonist has decided that maybe all this angst isn't worth it, and he'll just go to a different restaurant.
Clicking on the original comic links to the amazon.com page for House of Leaves.
[All instances of the word "House" are in blue.] [Every day a new city, a new IHOP. And yet every night the dreams get worse. I ply the highways, a nervous eye on the rear-view mirror, the back seat piled with stolen menus. Their doors are opened 24 hours, but forever closed to my soul. This is what my life has become. This is my hell.] [Sidenote left: International] House of Pancakes [Scribbled-out sidenote right: BLOGSPOT] Strawberry Banana Pancakes Four pancakes filled with sliced fresh banana and crowned with cool strawberry topping, more [17] bananas and [23] whipped topping. [17] Driven by a nameless fear, a whisper in the dark behind me, I flee ahead of I know not what. Whenver I turn, there's nobody behind me. And yet someone is clearly stealing the ketchup. WHY? (The footnote is covered in fingerprints.) [23] My life is feeding, fleeing, fighting, and forgetting. (The above note is sandwiched in sideways in between the Stuffed French Toast and Ham and Egg Melt.) [Rooty Jr. A kids only [19] version of our house signature Rooty Tooty. One scrambled egg, one strip of bacon, one pork sausage link and one fruit-topped buttermilk pancake.] [19] The decision not to hyphenate "kids only" is likely connected to the omission of the serial comma. I wonder if the author is British. I wonder if he sleeps at night. (The following passages are have a red substance underneath them, probably ketchup.) [Rise 'N Shine Two eggs, toast and hash browns served with your choice [21] of two strips of bacon or two pork sausage links.] [21] (illegible) rent a storage unit. Sleep there. Fill it with pancakes. Leave. [Stuffed French Toast Cinnamon raisin French [18] toast stuffed with sweet cream cheese filling, topped with cool strawberry or your choice of fruit compote and whipped topping.] [18] Nightmares again. I wake up covered in sweat, and what appears to be a thin sheen of maple syrup (Handwritten, underlined) WHO IS MOHAWK GIRL? [Slanted 90 degrees left] Ham & Egg Melt Grilled sourdough bread stuffed with ham, scrambled eggs, Swiss and American cheeses. [20] (At normal orientation) [20] Ordered this in at an IHOP in Rochester, New York. There was blood on the floor. Some of it was mine. (Comic strip) Enough with your pancakes. Enough with your GOD DAMN pancakes. [The Big Steak Omlette Tender strips of steak, hash browns, (redacted) tomatoes and Cheddar cheese. Served [22] with house salsa.] [22] Woke up in Las Vegas. They're closing the Star Trek Experience today. The IHOP up the strip had pancake platters named after various states. None of them sounded like home.


Still Raw

Explanation:
This comic shows Cueball and his significant other undergoing a domestic dispute. The debate is heated, enough to tear apart a romantic relationship, and although the end result is Cueball being thrown out of his other's house, he resolves that he will stand by his point of view no matter what.
Of course, in the last panel, we learn that the argument is over something that should be, in the context of romance, utterly trivial: Cueball has been thrown out simply because he believes that Pluto should never have been a planet .
Pluto was the ninth planet in our solar system between 1930 and 2006, during a time when "planet" had no formal definition. (Jupiter was thought to be the ninth planet from 1807 to 1845.) In 2006, the IAU created a formal definition for "planet"; Pluto didn't make the cut, and it was reclassified as a dwarf planet . The reasons are complicated , but the basic issue is that like Ceres , Pallas , Juno , and Vesta , Pluto is too small to function as a planet in the solar system. A better explanation can be found here.
In the title text, the airplane/treadmill argument starts when someone asks whether an airplane can take off while it is on a treadmill that is opposing its progress (pulling it backward). The question usually leads to arguments because it is posed ambiguously. Properly defining the question shows that the airplane can indeed take off (because its forward motion is provided by its propeller/jet engine, not its wheels, which are free to spin at any speed) and experiments (such as Mythbusters') bear this out. Randall also takes a crack at the issue here , and more info can be found here .
The statement about being wrong is likely a reference to 386: Duty Calls .
[Cueball laying on sidewalk outside a house, surrounded by his belongings.] She threw me out yelling, "You don't say those words. Not in this house." It's been two years. I thought the wounds had healed. But I stand by what I said. Pluto never should have been a planet.


Turn-On

Explanation:
This comic refers to the first startup (turn on) of CERN's Large Hadron Collider (LHC). There was a theoretical concern that that the LHC experiments could create a black hole that would suck in our planet.
Cueball uses this concern when telling Megan that this could be their last night on Earth, but since the scene is in a bar, this is just another lame entry he uses because he just wants to spend the night with her.
Megan answers as a physicist and explains that, first of all, they will not start colliding particles just because they actually turn on the collider. That will take a while, during which everything needs to be checked. Secondly, scientists have determined that the fears are unfounded — among other things because cosmic rays have already been bombarding the Earth with particles even more energetic than those created by the LHC. Thus, if the LHC could create a black hole that would suck up the Earth, then that would have happened long ago due to the cosmic rays. (At present time, the collider has been colliding particles for years, and if you read this line on or near Earth, then the Earth is still here; if you read it in a galaxy far away from the Milky Way, then it is somewhat more plausible that Earth may have been destroyed in the time that the signal took to reach you — although not necessarily by the LHC.)
Cueball feels rejected by her answer and turns away to leave her, but she calls him back explaining very directly that she did not say "no" to his request (to try to stay a night with her). Also, as she is a physics grad student, she needs an excuse to party — the excuse being that the LHC is turned on.
Cueball feels encouraged and continues his attempt to get her in to bed. But in his next sentence, he unwittingly uses three of the six quark flavors ( up quark , charm quark , and strange quark ). Megan continues to be very direct when asking if she has to be on top or bottom (when they are going to have sex). But this is also a sentence she chooses so she can continue using quark flavors ( top quark and bottom quark ). Cueball is flustered and complains that she is assuming too much, since he hasn't even bought her a drink yet. Megan then makes it even worse when she makes an order of two whiskey sours straight down — to use the final flavor ( down quark ).
Maybe she just teases Cueball (with her knowledge about the LHC and quarks), or else she is actually so turned on by the LHC Turn-On that she wishes to have sex with Cueball as soon as possible.
The quarks are some fundamental particles the LHC is generating. All six flavors of quarks are in the last panel: up, down, top, bottom, charm, and strange. They are also referenced in 1418: Horse , 1621: Fixion , and in 1731: Wrong , the latter also mentioning the up and down flavor. The mention of the drinks being served "straight down" is a reversal of the common bartending term "straight up," but there is no "straight down" in bartending.
The title text is of course a very old joke " I 'ardly know 'er! " In this case, Supercollider (another name for the LHC) should be misunderstood as "(Did you) Supercollide her?", which you could put into a (nasty?) sexual context. Using this sentence at the wrong moment could be bad for a nice romance. This could be a reference to the Futurama episode " That's Lobstertainment! ," in which Humorbot 5.0 tells a similar supercollider joke.
[Cueball walks up to Megan sitting at a bar.] Cueball: So, the LHC's turning on. This could be our last night on earth. [While Beret Guy as a bartender walks into the frame, Megan replies without turning.] Megan: Gimme a break. They're not even colliding yet, and it won't do anything cosmic rays haven't. [Cueball turns and walks away. But then Megan turns towards him and says:] Megan: Hey, I didn't say no. Megan: I'm a physics grad student. I need the excuse to party. [Cueball turns back and they talk:] Cueball: So, you're up for a night with a charming stranger? Megan: Depends. Top or bottom? Cueball: Hey, I haven't even bought you a drink. Megan: Barkeep, two whiskey sours, straight down.


Further Boomerang Difficulties

Explanation:
This comic is a sequel of sorts to 445: I Am Not Good with Boomerangs , as it deals with the same subject manner with the same panel layout.
The first strip shows Cueball throwing a boomerang, which doesn't come back. He looks downwards in the rightmost panel as if in shame. In 939: Arrow , a boomerang returns to Cueball, which can either be the same Cueball from this comic or another person.
In the second strip, he throws another boomerang, which somehow manages to hurt the ozone layer (as indicated by an off-screen voice). This is of course not possible with a boomerang, as the ozone layer is a layer of O 3 molecules very high up in the atmosphere. [ citation needed ]
The third strip shows Cueball throwing something that appears to be a boomerang, but then Megan enters and reveals that it was their last banana - which she probably had expected to eat since she calls him an asshole.
The final strip shows Cueball throwing one last boomerang, which breaks the frame of the comic, already after two out of the four frames used in each of the first three strips. In the second panel, Cueball seems to be leaning backward in shock or terror. Then, panning down, we find the last panel, much larger and suddenly mainly black instead of white. It shows that this time he was actually inside a spacecraft (which resembles an Apollo Lunar Module in a very bad manner), and the boomerang has just broken out through the hull. We see the boomerang and Cueball tumbling out into space with the escaping air to certain death, revealing why Cueball was so taken aback when the boomerang broke through the frame.
If you try to link up the rightmost panels, as what was suggested 445: I Am Not Good with Boomerangs to get a bonus comic strip, you get a bad story where Cueball is looking down, presumably in shame. Then a person (presumably Megan), screams about the ozone layer. We also see Megan call Cueball an asshole, probably because he had destroyed (or messed with) the ozone layer.
The title text notes that, assuming a theory that is no longer generally accepted where the universe has a positive (closed) curvature and lots of mass, the boomerang would, after a (very) long time, hit Cueball in the back of his head. This would happen because under those conditions the entire universe would eventually fall back on itself in the Big Crunch . Before this happens, everything would again get pressed close together, and it is during this process that the boomerang would finally return to his frozen (but quite possibly preserved) head. (So at least one "success" in four attempts.)
Boomerangs also became a main theme in the interactive comic 1350: Lorenz . The same format of multiple bad endings to the same starting set-up is used in 1515: Basketball Earth .
[Cueball is throwing a boomerang.] [Holding his hands up.] [Cueball waits for return; continual waiting.] [Cueball is dejected, head hangs low.]
[Cueball throws a boomerang.] [Cueball waits for the boomerang.] Outside: Oh God Outside: The ozone layer! [Cueball is surprised.]
[Cueball throws a boomerang-like banana.] [Cueball waits.] [Megan walks in.] Megan: That was our last banana. Megan: You're such an asshole.
[Cueball throws a boomerang.] [The boomerang breaks out of the panel box.]
[The boomerang breaks out of a spacecraft, followed by Cueball.]


One-Sided

Explanation:
The comic refers to the phenomenon of hearing half a conversation from a stranger on a cell phone and, not noticing the cell phone, imagining that that person is talking to you and responding in kind. The chart gives a plot of the frequency that this occurs (for Randall here represented by the Cueball to the left) against the amount of time that passes before the error is discovered. It also implies that Randall's second relationship was in reality just a particularly long instance of this occurrence, suggesting that his 'girlfriend' wasn't even aware of the relationship.
The title text is the continuation of the phone call, which involves a fictional conspiracy involving the then Chairman of the Federal Reserve Ben Bernanke and a crossbow .
On September 23, about a week after this comic, Randall posted a short story to his blog, featuring Ben Bernanke breaking into the Federal Reserve building with a crossbow.
[Caption above the panel:] Sometimes my conversations with strangers go on for a while before I realize that they're talking on their phones.
[To the right above a graph, Cueball is standing next to a Cueball-like guy with a backpack.] Guy with backpack: Hi! Cueball: Hi. Guy with backpack: What's up? Cueball: Uh, not a lot... Guy with backpack: Shit. Does Bernanke own a crossbow?
[To the left and below these two guys is a graph with the axis labelled. The graph looks parabolic towards the left-hand side, but as x approaches infinity, y approaches zero. A vertical dashed line runs through the graph, slightly to the right of the peak of the graph.  To the right of the dashed line, there is an arrow pointing to the right that is labelled. The x-axis has a broken scale, and to the right of the break, there is a very small increase in the graph that is parenthetically labelled with a small arrow.] Y-axis: How Often This Happens X-axis: Length of conversation Arrow: Awkward Zone Small arrow: (My Second Relationship)


Typewriter

Explanation:
Randall is writing a letter to his grandmother on a typewriter, thanking her for taking him and at least one other person on a trip. However, due to a habit he's developed from using a computer for so long, Randall inadvertently litters the letter with chunks of blank space followed by website URLs. As if through muscle memory, Randall periodically attempts to check the latest news by pressing a combination involving the Tab key, typing the URL of a specific website, then pressing a combination using the Tab key again.
On a computer, the Ctrl+Tab keyboard combination usually switches to between browser tabs within a window, such as between two Firefox tabs, while Alt+Tab switches between windows. However, there is only a simple Tab key on an old-fashioned typewriter. Pressing Tab there doesn't switch to another screen, it just moves the platen (the typewriter's cursor, so to speak) to the next tab stop, leaving a wide space before the next typing on the same piece of paper. So the key combination that would satisfy Randall's somewhat hyperactive impulses on a computer is dramatically different on a typewriter, where that key instead causes movement of the platen. So, he hits the tab key, types a URL, and hits the tab key again right in the middle of his letter. It also shows Randall's love of news and information websites.
The title text references that Randall's real grandmothers, upon seeing this comic, might feel bad that he doesn't write to them at all — not even poorly-written letters like in the comic. To remedy this, he writes a brief thank you note to his grandmothers... which also includes one Ctrl/Alt+Tab combination.
[A typewriter is shown with the following letter in it:]
[Caption below the panel:] I didn't realize how bad my habit of tabbing to Firefox every few seconds to check news sites had gotten until I tried writing on a typewriter.


The Staple Madness

Explanation:
Optimistic Beret Guy can never take life seriously. He loves to play with everything, and nothing is more exciting than a tool that sticks things together with an impressive kaCHUNK sound when he pulls the trigger, even on things that (definitely) shouldn't be stapled.
Installing Debian is a pun on the installation of software, and the installation of real life things by attaching them to things.
This comic may reference an engineering truism describing a similar scenario: "When all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail." The truism's actual meaning refers to the scenario where when a novice has only learned to use one tool (such as one programming language), they may attempt to solve all problems using only that tool, which may end badly. This saying is referred to explicitly in 801: Golden Hammer .
From just reading the comic by itself, one may presume that in the last panel, Cueball has been stapled to the ceiling (as obvious evidence to Megan that Beret Guy has indeed been abusing her staple gun). According to the comic's official transcript , however, it is in fact God who is speaking. Due to Beret Guy's strange powers, it is rather likely that God has been stapled as well -- perhaps to the ceiling.
Duct tape , thanks to its combination of tensile and adhesive strength, is commonly regarded as the ultimate do-it-yourself repair tool. Like a staple gun, it can also be used to stick things together. Although it does make a nice sound when pulling a strip out quickly, it does not make a loud kaCHUNK sound upon fixing two objects together.
In 291: Dignified , Beret Guy hangs upside down and says (in the title text) that he has stapled his hat to his head to make it stay on. That may very well have been the inspiration for this comic.
This was the fourth time the name Megan was used in xkcd, the first time being in 159: Boombox .
[Beret Guy and Cueball standing.] Beret Guy: [holding up a staple gun] I found Megan's staple gun! Cueball: [facepalming] Oh no.
[Beret Guy kneeling over a laptop on the floor.] Cueball: [from outside panel] Oh God, what are you-- Beret Guy: [stapling a DVD to the laptop] Installing Debian! kaCHUNK
[Beret Guy standing over a table.] Beret Guy: [stapling a sandwich together] Sandwiches! kaCHUNK kaCHUNK
[Beret Guy running with the staple gun.] Beret Guy: Must affix everything to everything!
[Unframed panel.] kaCHUNK kaCHUNK kaCHUNK kaCHUNK kaCHUNK kaCHUNK
[Megan enters, holding a tote bag.] Megan: ...Have you been abusing my staple gun? Beret Guy: No. God: [as voice from above] YES!


Tones

Explanation:
Cellular phone users can set nearly anything as their ringtone ; even the default rings on new phones are a short string of notes put together, and serve a dual purpose as a company's trademark. Cueball is saying that there's one thing in his life he's never compromised on: When someone calls his phone, it makes a ringing sound. Of course, this is a rather minor thing on which to make a stand.
The comic also seems to begin very seriously, and thus the comic relief is provided by the turn to the inconsequential; this is mirrored in the zooming-in to the cell phone.
To continue the comic's theme of Cueball-as-crochety-old-man, the title text says that he needs a lawn, so he can yell at kids to stay off of it — a stereotypical "old man" behavior .
Randall makes another complaint about ringtones in 2272: Ringtone Timeline .
[Cueball is standing in a room next to a round table, looking out a window. A blue and orange sunset is visible outside the window. There is a phone on the table. The text of the comic is in boxes, two for each panel. Cueball is not talking, but rather narrating in these boxes.] Narrator: I haven't lived a perfect life. Narrator: Made plenty of mistakes. Got my share of regrets.
[Zooming in on Cueball and the table with the phone, window with colored sky still visible to the left.] Narrator: But there's one thing of which I'm proud. Narrator: One stand on which I've never wavered.
[Zooms in on the cell phone on the table, Cueball and window outside the panel.] Narrator: When someone calls my phone, Narrator: it makes a goddamn ringing sound.


Spore

Explanation:
Spore is a game that was released in 2008. Spore starts you off as a small little water bug, and when you become smart enough, you leave the water for land and start growing. To begin with, the scale of your interest is thus very small as you are only concerned with your spot of water. During the next two stages, the scale grows to being the entire continent. Once you start building cities, you get to view the entire planet. The last stage (and scale) is space, where you get to first travel through your own solar system, then the entire galaxy.
Cueball runs into a common gamer's problem, that being an inability (or unwillingness) to purchase a game on its release date due to the initial price. Since Cueball can't yet afford Spore , he instead is recreating the experience by playing older games, starting off with small scale games. In the comic, Cueball had just beaten the game Populous , which is on a planet scale, so now he can go on to the interstellar scale with the game Alpha Centauri .
The following three games could, for instance, have been played before the ones mentioned: SimAnt (ant scale), then moving up to The Sims (human scale), and then proceeding with SimCity (city scale).
The title text refers to the game not being able to run on the Mac using a GMA 950 , which is a type of Intel integrated graphics processor. It was first supported in OSX 10.4. It lacked hardware support for vertex shader 2.0, which some games required.
[Cueball sitting at computer desk, surrounded by game boxes.] Cueball: Sweet, beat Populous . Now, on to Alpha Centauri . Until I can afford Spore , I'm just playing through all my old games in order of scale.


Listen to Yourself

Explanation:
YouTube is a website for video sharing where anyone can upload and view videos. It is notorious for having some of the most ridiculous, hateful, mean-spirited, nonsensical comments of any mainstream website (a reputation touched upon earlier in 202: YouTube ).
Danish tells Black Hat that her computer virus that she is writing reads a YouTube user's comments back to them before it is submitted. Upon hearing their own ridiculous comments read aloud to them, they will realize the stupidity of it and not submit the comment. YouTube later made this a real feature, although it has since been removed again.
The title text is in reference to a post left on the Yahoo! Answers website in 2006 by a submitter known as "kavya," who asks "how is babby formed / how girl get pragnent." The post picked up internet popularity and spawned several flash animations. This was again mentioned in 522: Google Trends and in 550: Density .
[Black Hat approaches Danish typing at a computer.] Black Hat: What are you writing? Danish: Virus. Black Hat: What's it do?
Danish: When someone tries to post a YouTube comment, it first reads it aloud back to them.
Soon, everywhere: [Cueball is commenting on YouTube with a laptop.] type type type
[Youtube comment is read back.]
Cueball: ...I'm a moron.
[Cueball leaves desk and partially closes his laptop.]
[Cueball is seen sitting on steps, depressed.]
[Cueball has his head in his hands.] Cueball: I... I didn't know.


Height

Explanation:
Height uses a logarithmic scale to depict the contents of the universe at progressively smaller distances from Earth (less high above the Earth), starting at the highest possible "point," the edge of the observable universe , going all the way down to the grass beneath our feet. The comic is a direct companion piece to 485: Depth , also released on a Monday the week after this one. Depth similarly uses the logarithmic scale to depict the Earth at progressively greater magnification (going "deeper" down), from Earth's surface (the grass) to the interior of a single proton.
The very top (edge) of the observable universe is described as being 46 billion light years above the Earth. The universe is "only" about 13.8 billion years old , so the cosmic background radiation that reaches the Earth today has also only traveled 13.8 billion light years. However, during that time, the universe has expanded , so the galaxies that formed from that spot where this background radiation was emitted 13.8 billion years ago would now be 46 billion light years away. This has led to many misconceptions regarding the size , the most typical being that the radius of the observable universe is "only" 13.8 billion light years. See this video, How Do You Measure the Size of the Universe? , for a great explanation of the 46 billion light years.
To the right of the text, Black Hat stands atop the comic, having just dropped a cat off the edge head first; he is clearly going to test if the cat will land on its feet, being a jerk per his usual character. It will take some time, though, before the cat reaches Earth....
As one scrolls down, the depicted distances become less compressed, until arriving at the surface of Earth, all the while approaching a 1:1 scale with real-life distances. As shown in 1162: Log Scale , if Randall didn't do this, the comic would be much, MUCH longer.
In this comic, most objects that are grounded on Earth are scaled logarithmically on the vertical axes and linearly on the horizontal axes (some are scaled linearly on both axes). Displaying objects in this manner noticeably distorts their shape; the Great Pyramid, for instance, looks not like a pyramid but like a bullet.
Outside of the Earth's atmosphere, the objects are placed at their actual distances from Earth on the log scale, but their shapes are not subjected to the logarithmic scaling of Earth objects, instead appearing as they would be seen (otherwise, round objects like the sun would appear more egg shaped, with the flatter side facing upward). However, objects are still much larger or much smaller than they would be in real life, in order to allow them to be properly seen.
In the title text, Randall muses on how the inwardly-curved sides of the Eiffel Tower might actually become perfectly straightened when subjected to this logarithmic distortion. Although it is shown to bulge in the comic proper, this may be a consequence of Randall's rough art style rather than any reflection of his beliefs. The actual shape of the Tower approximates an exponential curve , which would indeed give a straight line on a log scale, although it was actually designed by Gustave Eiffel to minimize wind resistance rather than to be mathematically exact (the design is so perfect that the amount the Tower sways in the wind is less than the amount it is distorted due to thermal expansion of the sunlit side).
All objects are sorted from bottom to top by their maximum distance from earth for objects in a solar orbit, and their current distance for others.
Top of observable universe [Black Hat is standing on top, throwing a black kitty down.] Black Cat: Mrowl! [Map of the universe from observable universe to Earth. Each area of item is labeled. Labels left to right, up to down:] (46 billion light years up) Hubble Deep Field Objects -One billion light years- Great Attractor Antennae Galaxies (colliding) Andromeda Holy crap lots of space -One million light years- Magellanic Clouds Edge of galaxy Galactic center Crab Nebula Orion Nebula Horsehead Nebula Romulan neutral zone The Pleiades, duh! Rigel Betelgeuse Ford Prefect [Three arrows are pointing up above three lines with the following label:] -Expanding shell of radio transmissions- [Above a dotted line:] Edge of federation sector 0-0-1 Pollux Arcturus Missing WMDs Sirius Barnard's Star Alpha Centauri -One parsec- -One light year- Oort Cloud (?) Bupkis Comet which will destroy Earth in late 2063 Pioneer 10 Voyager I Eris (All hail Discordia!) Pluto (Not a planet. Neener neener.) Neptune Uranus Saturn [Two arrows point to two moons, one next to each of the planets above and below.] <-- Life --> Jupiter Asteroids Mars Venus Sun Mercury Spaceship Planet Express: Hey, a heaping bowl of salt! Spaceship Discovery One: Open the fridge door, Hal. Moon Human altitude record (Apollo 13) 2nd place: Snoop Dogg Space elevator - One of these days, promise! Geosynchronous Orbit GPS satellites Lunar lander: In retrospect, they shouldn't have sent a poet. I have no idea how to land. International Space Station Space junk -Official edge of space (100 km)- Meteors -1/10 ATM- High altitude balloons Airliners Shuttle Columbia lost -1/2 ATM- Cory Doctrow Everest Helicopters (6000 m) Cueball: Woo Python! [A vertical scale is drawn along the right side of the picture, starting at 1 km and getting progressivly smaller and smaller.] 1 km -800 m- Burj Dubai (~800 m) 500 400 Eiffel Tower (325 m) 200 Kites Great Pyramid (140 m) Pop fly Redwood (115 m) 100m Oak (20 m) A person in the oak: Hey squirrels! Tallest stilts Brachiosaur (13 m) Giraffe (8 m) [Megan and Cueball holding the kite are labeled:] Folks The observable universe, from top to bottom ~On a log scale~ Sizes are not to scale, but heights above the Earth's surface are accurate on a log scale. (That is, each step up is double the height.)


Fiction Rule of Thumb

Explanation:
Randall uses a graph that purports that the more words an author makes up, the less likely their book is any good. To demonstrate this, he provides an example where a hypothetical author uses three made-up words in a single sentence: "Fra'as", "Farmlings", and "Krytoses". The author clearly does not see that having to insert explanations of all the made-up words makes the sentence extremely clumsy.
The title text declares that the average author is allowed five invented words per book before this rule is invoked against them, but mentions that J.R.R. Tolkien and Lewis Carroll are exceptions, as they are both very famous, well-respected writers who made words up all the time .
Randall also makes a dig at Anathem , a speculative fiction novel by Neal Stephenson about a monastic order on another planet that studies science, mathematics, and philosophy. The book is noteworthy for having a very large number of made-up or repurposed words, enough to require its own glossary. One of the more common fake words is fraa (without an apostrophe).
[Line graph shown with an inverse curve.] [Y-Axis: Probability book is good.] [X-Axis: Number of words made up by author.] [The curve becomes less steep as the number of words increases.] "The Elders, or Fra'as, guarded the farmlings (children) with their krytoses, which are like swords but awesomer ..."


Flash Games

Explanation:
Dedicated hardcore gamers will often indulge in expensive, top-of-the-line equipment to get the most out of their video games.
Adobe Flash was a software platform allowing multimedia applications in the browser. Flash became a popular choice for game developers, since playing Flash games only requires a browser and the free cross-platform Flash runtime environment. Randall was right that Flash games are quite addictive, and gamers would have found them more engaging than anything that runs on expensive (dedicated) gaming systems.
Nowadays, years after the making of this comic, Flash has been completely phased out by modern browsers in favor of HTML5 + JavaScript . The open-source movement especially prefers the latter, since no proprietary browser plugins are needed to run it. That said, the sheer number of Flash games that have been made over the last decade means that Flash will likely hold a special place in many gamers' hearts for the foreseeable future, to the point where "Flash game" has become a catch-all term for any browser game .
The comic may also be commenting that some modern games are too focused on graphics and not enough on gameplay.
The title text mentions the Wiimote , the standard controller for the Nintendo Wii video game console. Wii games are usually controlled by tracking the movement and orientation of the handheld Wiimote, but Johnny Lee devised a method to use a Wiimote to track the position of the users head and demonstrated this with a desktop VR display . It should be noted that this is not the same as the body tracking that is available from Sony and Microsoft with the EyeToy and Kinect respectively, neither of which has earned any real praise as a practical gaming controller.
[On the left side of the panel are a massive TV screen, large speakers, and similar devices, all connected to a "Game Station 20,000" console. Cueball, however, is over on the right side of the panel, on a modestly-sized computer.] Cueball: Ooh, I think I've got it figured out! Okay, one more hour. Beep Plunk The most powerful gaming systems in the world still can't match the addictiveness of tiny in-browser Flash games.


Depth

Explanation:
The comic is a companion piece to 482: Height , which explored a logarithmic scale from the edge of the observable universe down to the Earth's surface. Depth continues the process, viewing logarithmically smaller scales from Earth's atmosphere down to the interior of a single proton . This combination is reminiscent of Charles and Ray Eames' 1977 short film Powers of Ten .
Here's a walk through the entire comic:
Sizes Accurate on a vertical log scale [Series of images of characters doing various things. The things they are doing are listed in left to right order.] Cueball and Megan playing in a ball pen Megan using witchcraft to ban vista "Out, Vista!" Ponytail and Megan play Rock Band A couple is having sex under the cover in bed. [Below this series of images, an image of a man on the computer.] Cueball is on a computer and the image expands as it goes down. Here are the labels from left to right, up to down: CD DVD Case North Bridge PS/2 Mouse (rodent) RAM CPU Socket Pin 32,767 Angels Dancing (one more and they'd roll over and become 32,768 Devils ), Rice, Torrent (a bug), CPU, upcoming segfault dust mite hair OVUM Data (a pixel on Rick Astley's shoulder), rust mite, fork(); Peter Norton fighting a baxteriophage memory carbon nanotubes space elevator a line of silicon (Si), Electron Cloud, a man made out of arrows saying "sup?" silicon nucleus IPod femto Brian Greene knitting furiously [next to his knitting needles there is text saying clink, clink ]


I am Not a Ninja

Explanation:
In a romantic relationship, some of the most horrifying words are arguably "We need to talk." They often stereotypically signal the beginning of a conversation that the speaker knows will cause the listener to become upset.
In this comic, Cueball is so horrified by hearing those words that he tries the ol' " ninja smoke vanish " technique, only to have it fail miserably when the pellet provides insufficient visual cover to perform the trick, yet still sets off the smoke detector, and then he can't get the window open to either leave the scene or just clear the less than useful cloud. Megan simply facepalms and leaves.
The title text jokes that Megan simply wanted to talk to Cueball about his poor smoke-bomb techniques. Arguably, then, this instance was actually a qualified success in issue avoidance.
He continued to keep smoke bombs on his person for situations such as these as seen in the title text of 1712: Politifact .
[Cueball and Megan facing each other in the same panel.] Megan: We need to talk.
[Cueball turns to look behind him; panel pans back to show a (closed) window on the wall.]
[Cueball throws a smoke grenade to the floor.] POW
[Grenade fizzles and begins to emit smoke; Cueball and Megan both look down at it.] sssss
[Smoke cloud expands very slightly. Megan puts her hand to her face.] cough
[The smoke detector alarm above them starts beeping. Both look up.] BEEP BEE-
[Cueball and Megan look down at the grenade again. The alarm is still beeping.] -P BEEP BEEP BEEP BE-
[Cueball slowly backs away. The alarm is still beeping.] -EP BEEP BEEP BEEP B-
[Cueball unsuccessfully tries to open the apparently locked window. The alarm is still beeping.] Rattle rattle -BEEP BEEP-
[Panel pans back to the full view. Cueball looks back at Megan, who is now face-palming. The alarm is still beeping.] -BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP B-
[Megan turns and walks away. Cueball looks at the window. The alarm is still beeping.] -EEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEE-


Numerical Sex Positions

Explanation:
Sex positions are positions that two people can have sexual intercourse in. Many of them are named, although only one generally accepted position is named after a number: the 69 .
Cueball and Megan try to approximate the shapes of the numbers, which they are given by the narrator, as sex positions. They start with the classic 69, then represent the number 99 as "spooning" while standing and the number 71 as "doggy-style" sex over a table. They are then given ever more difficult numbers to attempt, first 34 (maybe referencing rule 34 of the internet ) - Cueball exclaims Uh as he has no idea how to make a 3 (maybe he's supposed to curl up in a fetal position), although Megan does try (in vain) to form a 4. Then they are completely baffled by √8 (AKA 2√2 or ≈ 2.82842712475) (presumably one of them is to contort into a figure-eight shape while the other lies on top), and just stand there while the narrator asks Guys? - as in give it a try. And finally, Megan gives up and leaves at the suggestion ln (2 π ) (or ≈ 1.83787706641) to the frustration of the narrator, who exclaims Aww, c'mon .
The narrator is so frustrated, as we are told in the title text, because he did not even get to ask them to do a continued fraction (which likely would have involved many other people) as the ultimate challenge.
xkcd presents a guide to numerical sex positions:
Narrator: 69 [Cueball and Megan perform a standing sixty-nine position i.e. mutual oral sex.]
Narrator: 99 [Cueball and Megan perform a standing spooning position.]
Narrator: 71 [Megan is bent over a table and Cueball takes her doggy-style.]
Narrator: 34 [Cueball looks at Megan, who is standing on one leg with her arms out.] Cueball: Uh.
Narrator: √ 8 [Cueball and Megan are staring at each other.] Narrator: Guys?
Narrator: ln(2π) [Cueball just stands there while Megan is walking away.] Narrator: Aww, c'mon...


Steal This Comic

Explanation:
DRM , an acronym standing for Digital Rights Management, is a recent anti-piracy mechanism that is used to prevent unapproved or unintended use of software programs. Examples would be a requirement to play a video game while online (where the servers can validate that the game has not been hacked) or allowing only a limited amount of installations to ensure that different users are buying the program for themselves instead of sharing it. The problem is that there are ways that DRM can be restrictive even upon legal situations. Someone may simply want to play the game in an area where there is no Internet connection, or they may have exceeded the amount of allowed installs due to installation problems or hardware malfunctions requiring the purchase of new hardware. In the audio situation described in the comic, one could not, say, transfer an audiobook or song from an iPod to a Blackberry phone, because Apple does not allow files on its operating system to be used on ones from other companies. For this reason, DRM has also been referred to derisively as "Digital Restrictions Management" .
Black Hat uses a flow chart to propose two paths:
Since both situations have you end up being a criminal, Black Hat proposes taking the pirate path, which leaves you with a collection of dependable audio for free. In the title-text, Randall gives an anecdote of how ridiculous it was to obtain an audiobook legally, and how all of his other legally-obtained music has been lost, as the flow chart predicts.
In light of this, he proposes another option: demanding DRM-free files.
It's worth noting that there are other methods of listening to music legally that avoid the problems presented in the comic:
The title is a reference to the "Piracy is a Crime" ad campaign, as well as a 1970 pro-anarchy book called Steal This Book . There is also some underlying humour: since xkcd is under a Creative Commons license , you cannot "steal" the comic, since Randall specifically allowed the comic to be shared. It could also be a reference to Don't Download This Song , a "Weird Al" Yankovic song that amusingly deals with audio piracy.
A note on the site says that Amazon sells DRM-free music files. Since this comic was written, iTunes has also stopped using DRM on music, though it still protects apps, e-books, and videos.
This comic is not applicable to some countries, such as Canada, where copyright infringement is purely a civil matter and is not a criminal offense.
Black Hat: Thinking of buying from audible.com or iTunes? Black Hat: Remember, if you pirate something, it's yours for life.  You can take it anywhere and it will always work. [There is a flowchart whose paths are (You're a Criminal)<-Pirate<-(Buy or Pirate)->Buy->(Things Change)->(You Try to Recover Your Collection)->(You're a Criminal)] Black Hat: But if you buy DRM-locked media, and you ever switch operating systems or new technology comes along, your collection could be lost. Black Hat: And if you try to keep it, you'll be a criminal ( DMCA 1201 ). Black Hat: So remember: if you want a collection you can count on, PIRATE IT. Black Hat: Hey, you'll be a criminal either way. (If you don't like this, demand DRM-free files)


Going West

Explanation:
Megan has been hired by Google Maps and plans to move to California presumably because this is where Google headquarters is located. Her boyfriend Cueball states that he cannot move there. Megan then just ends their relationship. Cueball does not just give up -- he takes her hand and looks deep into her eyes and claims that he can see a future for them. But Megan asks him to look deeper, and he sees a typical Google Map message. He realizes that they already own her, and he has no chance of stopping her from going to California.
Google Maps is a service to let people look at the world through their web browser. When Google Maps was first starting out, the maximum zoom level a person could select went past the highest resolution imagery available in certain areas. When this happened, Google Maps would tile the message "We're sorry, but we don't have imagery at this zoom level." When Cueball looks "closely" enough into Megan's eyes, he sees this same message and knows it is over.
The title text refers to a functionality of Google Maps that allows users to submit/update information about places on the map, such as business listings, monuments, etc. Such updates must be approved by Google before other users can see them. Apparently, Cueball has been repeatedly submitting 'WHERE YOU BROKE MY HEART' as a listing for his own house, so that Megan, who is now on the Google Maps team, will see those submissions. The title text is probably her reply.
[Cueball and Megan are talking, while Cueball is walking away from Megan holding his hands up. Megan is holding a folded page of a letter up in one hand. The envelope can be seen behind the page, which only displays one line of visible, but unreadable, text.] Megan: I'm sorry. The Google Maps team hired me. Cueball: But I can't move to California!
[Megan has taken her hand down holding the letter so the backside of the envelope is now visible. Cueball turns towards her and holds one hand up in front of himself.] Megan: Then I guess this is the end. Cueball: It can't be! Cueball: Listen.
[Cueball and Megan are holding each other's hands with stretched out arms, looking into each other's eyes. The envelope has disappeared from Megan's hands.] Cueball: When I look deep into your eyes, I see a future for us. Megan: Look deeper.
[In this frameless panel, Cueball takes a hand up to his chin, while he bends his head very close to Megan's head, and she even leans a bit back. The letter and envelope have returned to her hand, after they went missing in the previous panel.]
[Cueball stands normally, as does Megan with her letter.] Cueball: "We're sorry, but we don't have imagery at this zoom level"? Cueball: They... They have you already.


Morning Routine

Explanation:
Thanks to the portability of the modern computer, the availability of the Internet, and the advent of social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter , someone could conceivably use their laptop to catch up on the lives of everyone they care about from the comfort of their own bed; indeed, they could do it under the covers if they want to.
This is rather different than the pre-computer days in which catching up with friends required a great deal more effort. Hence, laptops are weird.
The title text refers to the South Park episode " Gnomes ", in which a race of tiny gnomes steal people's underpants. Their business plan is finally explained as:
Phase 1: Collect underpants Phase 2: ? Phase 3: Profit
This became an Internet meme, used in situations where a person's or group's planned course of action held little clear relevance to their stated or inferred objective. As such, although the list bears superficial similarity to a list ending in "Profit," using this as a punchline would not be particularly effective or funny, hence Randall has decided not to include this.
Morning Routine:
Laptops are weird .
From January 2017 to February 2017, the xkcd website's page for this comic (xkcd.com/490) was showing a different comic instead of the original comic displayed above. The comic displayed on the xkcd website's page was in fact 1518: Typical Morning Routine , and was most likely being incorrectly shown due to a technical error having something to do with the comics' similar names.
The original comic's alt-text, "I had a really hard time not writing '...profit!'", was still displayed upon mouseover.
As of February 2017, this error has been fixed and the original comic is displaying correctly again.


Twitter

Explanation:
This comic plays off of an old shaving cream product's Burma-Shave advertising campaign employed on American highways from 1925 to 1963 . These ads used short poems, each line arranged sequentially on a sign along a highway, the last line always being "Burma Shave," the name of the shaving cream. Originally, these ads only described the product, but others included driving safety messages.
Twitter is a messaging service where your messages are restricted in length, so to get a longer essay sent, you will need to break it up in smaller fragments — like the Burma-Shave messages, although the whole of the text of this comic is considerably less than 140 characters and would not need to be broken up on Twitter.
Cueball gets five messages from Twitter on his device that give the following message: On Twitter feeds - An odd regression: - Ancient memes - Find new expression - Burma-shave.
This relates that this old way (ancient-memes) of getting a message through when only having a limited space now again (an odd regression) flourishes on Twitter feeds - Burma-shave...
Firefox 2 had a long standing annoying bug where only the initial part of the title text were shown as a tool-tip, creating a "Burma-Shave" effect of only being able to see some of the text. Unlike Burma-Shave, where you would see the rest of the text as you were driving down the highway, Firefox didn't actually show you the rest of the text unless you right-clicked show-property, and you would be able to see a sideways scrollable field of the title-text in the properties for the image.
The joke in this title text is composed of five broken tool-tips from Firefox, and the message is that you should upgrade your browser from Firefox 2. Any other browser would do in order to improve your reading experience when browsing through xkcd!
[Cueball with a handheld device sits on an office chair.] Device: Beep beep
Device: On Twitter feeds
Device: Beep beep
Device: An odd regression:
Device: Beep beep
Device: Ancient memes
Device: Beep beep
Device: Find new expression
Device: Beep beep
Device: Burma-shave


Scrabble

Explanation:
This comic depicts a game of Scrabble , a popular board game where the goal is to form words with the letters in your hand. The joke here is that the obvious option here is the word " clitoris ," which is an inappropriate word for a family Scrabble game, but gives a 50-point bonus for using all seven tiles. The title text points out that the letters in the hand can also form the word "OSTRICH," which is family friendly, but much lower scoring and not as obvious.
As the H appears to be on the center star square, the narrator will score 63 points if he plays "CLITORIS" (however he uses the two Is, as three of the tiles will fall on double letter scores), and 13 points if he plays "OSTRICH." The highest-scoring play is to hook the C and play "HIC" and "LICTORS," scoring 71 points.
[A first-person view of a family Scrabble game at a table. The other players are a juvenile Cueball to the left, Hairbun across from you, and Ponytail to the right. The two letters on the board are 'HI', with the 'H' on the center star, and the letters in your hand are 'CLTORIS.'] This always happens to me in family Scrabble games.


Actuarial

Explanation:
Cueball is commenting about how he shouldn't feed the trolls, but sometimes gets provoked to the point where he can't help replying. The term Trolling is used to describe provocative, destructive, or annoying behavior on the Internet .
Black Hat agrees and tells that he had an issue yesterday with a guy who had a serious case of the first urge. Some people have to be the first to make a comment on any given posting (be it a blog post or a YouTube video or some other commentable content) and to obnoxiously point out that they have made the first comment. This often manifests as the poster simply posting the word "First" without contributing any actual content to the discussion.
Once again, Black Hat is thus provoked into online retaliation bordering on the sociopathic, choosing a form of retribution that doesn't necessarily break any written rules but strikes directly at the heart and/or mind of his opponent. In this case, he tells the first guy when all his childhood heroes are likely to die - this could make anyone miserable. To do this, he is using actuarial tables or life tables, which show for each age the probability that a certain person will be alive by their next birthday.
Cueball reflects that he doesn't wish to become the target of such ire himself, but (without apparent malice on Black Hat's part...) still suffers from a piece of memetic shrapnel from the original attack - Cueball obviously loves the original Star Wars movies - and Black Hat would know this!
In the title text, it is said how Black Hat's offensive is so effective that he appears to have caused grief even to his own author and creator , Randall , who only managed to check up on the Star Wars cast before getting too depressed.
(So far, six main cast members have died: Peter Cushing ( Grand Moff Tarkin ) in 1994, Alec Guinness ( Obi-Wan Kenobi ) in 2000, Kenny Baker (English actor) ( R2-D2 ) and Carrie Fisher ( Princess Leia ), both in 2016, Peter Mayhew ( Chewbacca ) in 2019, and finally David Prowse ( Darth Vader ) in 2020.)
Randall has used this idea again in 893: 65 Years and published a 'morbid' program (the original code has been removed, but an implementation can be found on Github) that uses actuarial tables to calculate the probability that someone will die within a given time. The offense that provoked Black hat was mentioned already in 269: TCMP and then returned to in both 1019: First Post and 1258: First .
A similar setting with Cueball and Black Hat also discussing movies appears later in 1751: Movie Folder . But then Black Hat is reading on his smartphone.
It is possible that 494: Secretary: Part 1 and the following series are a continuation of this comic, as Black Hat's great power over even Internet trolls via his sociopathic ways would explain why he was chosen as Internet secretary.
[A dialog between Cueball, seated at a computer terminal, and Black Hat, seated in an armchair reading a book. They are facing away from each other.] Cueball: I know you shouldn't feed the trolls, but sometimes they just provoke me to where I can't help replying.
Black Hat: Yeah, me too. Yesterday this guy kept spamming "First!", so I got a set of actuarial tables and spent twenty minutes telling him when all his childhood heroes would likely die.
[Cueball turns around in his chair.] Cueball: ...
Cueball: Remind me never to upset you, ever. Black Hat: 2038: Last of the original Star Wars cast dies. Cueball: Augh!


Secretary Part 1

Explanation:
The President of the United States of America is the chief executive of the United States of America. [ citation needed ] Since this comic was released in October 2008 and the presidential election was in November, it was then unknown which of the candidates would become president by the time the comic was set (Spring 2009). This is why the president in the comic is out-of-panel and therefore not revealed to us. As it would turn out, the president inaugurated in January 2009 was Barack Obama, who has gone on to demonstrate a tactical use of the Internet (including the more frivolous aspects of it) for public relations purposes. The suppositional president in the comic is less savvy.
The tubes being clogged is a reference to the, now deceased, Alaska Senator Ted Stevens who, during a congressional debate on net neutrality , described the Internet as a series of tubes (be sure to listen to the audio clips in that Wikipedia page, and you'll see why he became a big hit with the Internet). Ted Stevens also gained notoriety for backing a proposal to build a bridge to nowhere using federal funds. The question "What are they a-Twitter about now?" refers to the website Twitter , which is a microblogging and social networking site.
Cats are notorious for being hard to herd, thus the idiom "herding cats," meaning an extremely difficult task that can very quickly get away from anyone undertaking it. Lolcats are pictures of cats, usually in humorous poses, that have insipid captions on them. The conflation of lolcats and the herding idiom escaped the president (who is presumably somebody not familiar with the former term). The title text refers to Ceiling Cat , a lolcat parody of God.
As with cats, Bloggers are an ideologically diverse bunch, and they are hard to get to go in a single direction.
The proposed "Secretary of the Internet" would likely be a new position on the President's Cabinet , which currently consists of the heads of 15 executive departments and are, with the one exception of the Attorney General (who heads the Department of Justice), titled "Secretary of Department ."
All comics in the Secretary series are:
This series was released on five consecutive days (Monday-Friday) and not over the usual Monday/Wednesday/Friday schedule.
It is possible that this series is a continuation of 493: Actuarial , in which Black Hat demonstrates great power over even Internet trolls via his sociopathic ways. This would explain why Black Hat was chosen as Internet secretary.
Spring 2009— The new president faces a crisis... [Cueball is talking to an unseen Mr. President, who is sitting behind a desk.] Cueball: Mr. President, the bloggers are restless. Mr. President: What are they a-twitter about now?
Cueball: It's the tubes sir. They're clogged. We put too much stuff on them.
Mr. President: How bad is it? Cueball: The internet could be inoperative within days.
Cueball: We can't let a crucial resource go unshepherded. Mr. President: Go on.
Cueball: I recommend you appoint a Secretary of the internet. Someone to impose some orders on this mess.
Mr. President: Ordering bloggers around? Doesn't sound easy. Cueball: No; it's like herding lolcats. Mr. President: What? Cueball: Nothing.
Mr. President: Do you have someone in mind for the post? Cueball: I know just the guy.
Soon: Phone: Ring [Black Hat looks away from his computer at the ringing phone.]


Secretary Part 2

Explanation:
Whenever something big happens the news, media likes to have at least two things: interviews with people who are the news, and on-the-scene reporters. In this case, Blondie as a news anchor is shown to begin with talking about Black Hat , and she has even been out at his house. Even if those reporters are simply standing in front of a building that something happened in, they have to be on-scene. To thwart the media (and probably everyone else), Black Hat has built a moat around his apartment building. The second reporter is on-the-scene from the Internet, or rather, one of its darkest corners: 4chan . In more detail, 4chan is a collection of image boards that act somewhat like forums, where users go to share images. The different boards are named by their "folder" structure, for lack of a better term. Therefore, the name /b/ comes from its URL: 4chan.org/b/. Pronounced "slash bee" (because the second forward slash is not necessary), /b/ is the "random" board, where anything goes, where anything is the superset of all sets, as in anything. Absolutely. Anything. As in, going more than two seconds without seeing pornographic content or hateful slurs is almost unheard of. /b/ is also the one that gets the most publicity, because it has started many of the memes [1] on the Internet, as well as the birthplace of Anonymous . The chaotic nature of the forums explains why the title text suggests that the reporter isn't safe, even though he is wearing a helmet. In fact, a goofy helmet like that is liable to get the trolls on him faster than if he didn't have it. This may be a Densha Otoko [2] reference, which features helmet-wearing /b/ members.
Ron Paul is a man who was a U.S. Representative for Texas at the time. At the time the comic was published, he was running, for the second time, for President of the United States .
A haberdasher is a person who sells small articles of clothing that have been or can be sewed. In modern English, a haberdashery (where a haberdasher would work) is a place that sells hats. This could be a reference to former President Harry S. Truman , who operated a failed haberdashery in the early 1920s.
Ron Paul's 2008 presidential campaign did, in fact, use a blimp that was named the Ron Paul Blimp . However, despite their elegant appearance, blimps are not a very fast way to travel.
The images on the /b/ board behind the reporter are:
Together, the initial letters of these items spell out " ABCDEFG ".
The title text states that the second reporter (Tom)'s helmet won't help him, though from what, it is unclear as he himself stated he wasn't sure why he was wearing the helmet.
All comics in the Secretary series are:
This series was released on five consecutive days (Monday-Friday) and not over the usual Monday/Wednesday/Friday schedule.
It is possible that this series is a continuation of 493: Actuarial , in which Black Hat demonstrates great power over even Internet trolls via his sociopathic ways. This would explain why Black Hat was chosen as Internet secretary.
[Blondie as a news anchor sitting behind a desk is reading from a paper she holds in her hands. There is a picture of Black Hat on a screen behind her. There is a caption below the picture.] Blondie: Breaking news—the President has made a nomination to the new post of Internet Secretary. We know little about the man, shown here. Caption: Possibly a haberdasher?
[Blondie keeps talking over a scene showing her standing with a microphone in front of a water-filled moat that has been dug between the road and a house. A small stair up to the house is just on the other side of the moat. Behind her is Cueball with a large TV camera on his shoulder pointing towards her and the house.] Blondie (narrating): Attempts to reach the nominee at home were unsuccessful. Blondie: What the hell kind of apartment has a moat?
[Back to Blondie behind her desk, the paper is gone, and she leans one arm on the desk. There is no screen behind her.] Blondie: To understand the culture from which he came — and which he may soon administer — we sent a reporter to what we're told is the source of that culture. Blondie: Tom?
[This panel is much larger than the three previous panels and partly hidden behind the last. Tom, looking like Cueball with a military helmet with camouflage marks strapped under his chin, holds a large microphone in front of him while standing in front of a large screen. The screen shows a message board with four picture posts. Each picture has a text to the right, but those are unreadable scribbles. The top drawing is of a man with wild hair who holds out his hands with thumbs up. The next is text. Then there is a circle with a smaller circle in the middle and at the bottom what appears to be a Cueball-like man with a fencing mask. Blondie still speaks to him from off-panel left.] Tom: I'm coming to you live from the 4chan /b/ board. Despite the tube cloggage, nascent memes are flying fast and furious. Blondie (off-panel): Why are you wearing a helmet, Tom? Tom: I'm not sure. Image with text only: /b/
[Ponytail is sitting in front of a large control unit using the two levers coming out of it from below two buttons that are again below the lit screen. A voice comes from off-panel left. Above the top of the panels frame, there is a frame with a caption:] Meanwhile in Ron Paul's blimp. Ron Paul (off-panel): Ahoy! What news of the blogs?
[Zoom out showing Ponytail, who has turned around on her office chair away from the controls towards Ron Paul drawn like Cueball but with a cane. She holds up a piece of paper with a small square insert visible at the top. Apart from that, it is white.] Ponytail: Dr. Paul! The President's named his nominee! Ron Paul: It's not me?
[Ron Paul's blimp is shown from the outside. His voice can be seen coming from the airship. There is text on the blimp, with the four letters after the first written mirrored to spell another word.] Ron Paul (from inside the blimp): Wait! I remember that guy from the campaign! He's a notorious troll! Blimp: Ron Paul RƎVO⅃UTION
[Back inside the blimp, Ron Paul points to Ponytail, while his other hand is lifted to his chin. His cane leans against his legs. Ponytail looks at him from her chair, the paper now held in her lap.] Ron Paul: They mustn't put him in charge. Quick, call the capitol!
[Ponytail turns around on her chair towards the controls and takes hold of one of the sticks. Ron Paul has taken the cane in his hand again.] Ponytail: Can't, sir. The tubes just went down completely. Ron Paul: Blast!
[Ponytail now holds onto both sticks as Ron Paul lifts his cane up into the air pointing away from her up and right.] Ron Paul: Then we'll go ourselves. Full speed ahead!
[A full view of the blimp hanging in the air to the left over a broad landscape. There seems to be a small lake just in front of the blimp. The horizon is shown all along this full width panel, and after the lake, there are five small mountain peaks, two behind the three in front. After the last of these, there follow one more peak and a small mound. Features are shown on the ground. In the air in front of the blimp, there are a small cloud inside the panel at the end of the lake and a large cloud breaking the upper frame over the end of the five mountains stretching over the next peak and mound.] Blimp: Ron Paul RƎVO⅃UTION
[Same image. The blimp has advanced minutely, taking the tip clearly over the lake. Beat panel #1] Blimp: Ron Paul RƎVO⅃UTION
[Same image. The blimp has advanced minutely again. Beat panel #2] Blimp: Ron Paul RƎVO⅃UTION
[Same image, but now the two speak from within the blimp. The blimp has again advanced minutely so the gondola below the blimp is now also almost at the edge of the lake.] Ron Paul: I said full speed! Ponytail: It's a blimp, sir! Blimp: Ron Paul RƎVO⅃UTION


Secretary Part 3

Explanation:
When a person has been appointed to be on certain positions [1] by the President , they must first go through a confirmation hearing in front of the Senate (the upper house of Congress ) where they find if the person is qualified to be in the position they have been appointed to. Of course, Black Hat is not the cleanest of characters, so Congress has a lot of reservations about his résumé .
N.B. When this comic was written, Senate confirmation hearings occurred rapidly after a president made a nomination and were expected to prevent unsuitable candidates from being given positions of power.
The final panels show Ron Paul's blimp finally approaching Washington DC. The balloon spotted on their radar is presumably piloted by blogger Cory Doctorow , as revealed in the next installment, Secretary: Part 4.
All comics in the Secretary series are:
This series was released on five consecutive days (Monday-Friday) and not over the usual Monday/Wednesday/Friday schedule.
It is possible that this series is a continuation of 493: Actuarial , in which Black Hat demonstrates great power over even Internet trolls via his sociopathic ways. This would explain why Black Hat was chosen as Internet secretary.
[The confirmation hearings begin.] Senator: It appears you have quite an arrest record.
Senator: Is it true you completely disassembled someone's car outside a Starbucks? Black Hat: It was parked across two spaces.
Senator: You stole a red Fokker triplane and strafed the snoopy float at the Macy's Thanksgiving day parade?
Black Hat: Got three mimes, too.
Senator: You disrupted a 9/11 truth meeting, insisting the Twin Towers never actually collapsed? Black Hat: I have evidence! Don't trust the media! Wake up, sheeple!
Senator: You were fired from Radio Shack after you built a death ray and vaporized a customer?
Black Hat: I was just testing it! Figures that'd be the one day there was a shopper in the aisle.
Senator: And you were thrown out of Microsoft headquarters for... trying to feed a squirrel through a fax machine?
Black Hat: I forgot about that! it was part of an argument with Steve Ballmer about Vista. Which I won, by the way.
[Senators look down at their notes.]
Senator: This is the worst history of vandalism, gleeful mayhem, and general recalcitrance we've seen in a nominee since Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
Senator: And this-you stole a nuclear submarine? Black Hat: I plead the third.
Senator: You mean the fifth? Black Hat: No, the third.
Senator: You refuse to quarter troops in your house? Black Hat: I have few principles, but I stick to them.
Meanwhile... [Aboard Ron Paul's blimp.] Ponytail: We're nearing Washington, sir. Wait... There's something ahead on the sensors.
Ponytail: It's a balloon. Ron Paul: ...Oh, no.


Secretary Part 4

Explanation:
Ron Paul is an American physician, author, and politician who is a House Representative for Texas and is a three-time Presidential candidate, running as a Libertarian and a Republican . He has a very dedicated and vocal base of supporters who believe that he is the only true alternative to either side of the Two-Party System .  These supporters go under the name " Ron Paul Revolution " with the letters "evol" reversed to emphasise "love."
Tron is a movie made by Disney . The title text refers to the line of virtual light that streams out from the back of Tron's light grid vehicles. Normally it is a single, solid color, but in the comic, it is the color of the American flag to show Ron's patriotism. There is also a joke about Pokémon in the phrase "... evolves into ...". Pokémon is a game where the player, a "Trainer," has their Pokémon battle other Pokémon to level the Pokémon up. As the Pokémon levels up, they evolve into the next, more powerful, form of the Pokémon.
Ron Paul and Cory Doctorow are fighting because Cory Doctorow believes he must support fellow bloggers no matter what, and Ron Paul wants the nomination that Black Hat, a blogger, is getting.
There is a subtle joke in the panel where Ron Paul and Cory Doctorow are firing at each other; the sound effect for Cory's guns is "Boing! Boing!," which is the name of Cory Doctorow's blog . Also, a visual joke is that Cory's turret in panel 5 very much resembles an upside-down Dalek . The latter might not be an intentional joke, however, as Ron Paul's turret is designed the same way as Cory's.
The reference to gold touches on Ron Paul's desire to see monetary policy once again be driven by the gold standard, namely that a country's currency value be driven not by its economic activity, but by the amount of physical gold it owns. Earlier in American history, this was the case; owning a dollar would (in theory) be owning one dollar's worth of gold somewhere in the treasury. This is in contrast with the current international practice, where countries are able to print an arbitrary quantity of paper money that is not necessarily backed by physical gold. Adherence to the gold standard is an extreme minority view; most economists, and the population at large, agree that the current system is much better.  This may also be a reference to the final scene in The Italian Job , where the heroes face a decision over losing a large quantity of gold - or death or a reference to The Mysterious Island , where the survivors have to drop the gold in their hot air balloon to prevent losing altitude.
All comics in the Secretary series are:
This series was released on five consecutive days (Monday-Friday) and not over the usual Monday/Wednesday/Friday schedule.
It is possible that this series is a continuation of 493: Actuarial , in which Black Hat demonstrates great power over even Internet trolls via his sociopathic ways. This would explain why Black Hat was chosen as Internet secretary.
[The Ron Paul Revolution blimp floats.] Pilot: Sir! The balloon is hailing us!
[Cory Doctorow's balloon appears.] Cory: Ahoy. Ron Paul: Doctorow! Cory: I won't let you stop this nomination. We bloggers watch out for our own.
Ron Paul: Stand aside, Cory. Cory: Nay! Ron Paul: Very well. Battle stations!
[The Ron Paul Revolution blimp's gun takes aim.] Whirrr kachunk
[Cory Doctorow's balloon's gun takes aim.] Whirrrr kachunk
[Both airships open fire.] Pew pew pew Pew pew Boing! Boing!
[Inside the Ron Paul Revolution blimp's control room.] Ponytail: We're taking damage! Ron Paul: Keep firing! Ponytail: No good! We're losing altitude!
[Outside the Ron Paul Revolution blimp, it hangs smoking in the air.] Ron Paul: All engines full! Pull up! Ponytail: Can't, sir!
[The Ron Paul Revolution blimp begins to sink, smoking more heavily.]
[The blimp sinks further.] Ponytail: Sir, maybe if we dropped all this gold... Ron Paul: Never!
[Inside the control room, tilted slightly.] Ponytail: We've lost, sir. We have to abort. Ron Paul: Not yet, we don't! Open the loading bay doors.
[Camera zooms out slightly.] Ron Paul: You take the blimp and fall back. click Ron Paul: I've got a message to deliver. Whirr
[Ron Paul tosses his cane aside.]
[Ron Paul steadily transforms into Tron Paul.] Narrator: RON PAUL evolves into TRON PAUL
[Light cycle begins to form.]
[Tron Paul bends over the light cycle.]
[Light cycle finishes its formation.]
[Light cycle speeds off, trailing an American flag.]