I'm An Idiot

Explanation:
Cueball , locked out of his dorm / apartment , is trying to get his roommate Megan's attention so that she'll unlock the door. He tries various increasingly obscure ways of contacting her: calling her cell phone, IRC , the window, and finally remotely logging into their Mac computer (via SSH ) to make it shout at her, which involves working out a way to turn up the computer's volume. Ponytail informs him of the most obvious solution—the doorbell—which prompts a moment of realization.  The content of this realization—"I'm An Idiot"—is stated in the title of the comic.  The humor of the comic derives from the rhythm of the panels: a long buildup followed by a short quip, then a sudden, silent pause for the implied realization moment.
Additionaly some readers will be familiar with the behavior shown in the comic, since most every person who likes solving problems has experienced a moment of realization similar to Cueball's at one point or another.  They, like Cueball, get distracted by solving an interesting problem because solving problems is fun , and fail to notice that the problem has an easier solution that they haven't considered.  This same issue of getting lost in a sub-problem [in this case, the-sub problem of how to remotely control text-to-speech in OS X] at the expense of overall problem-solving ability is further covered in 761: DFS .
The title text states that this is a true story, so Cueball must represent Randall . It also mentions that, although missing an obvious solution can be humiliating, one often learns a lot from trying new solutions, which would explain why the behavior persists.
This comic follows a similar storyline to 349: Success and 1518: Typical Morning Routine , as Cueball and Hairy respectively in these comics, encounters an issue and attempts proceedingly more absurd solutions to the issue.
[Ponytail approaches Cueball, who is sitting on porch steps, laptop in lap and backpack open.] Ponytail: Should I ask? Cueball: I'm locked out, and I'm trying to get my roommate to let me in.
[Unplugged cell phone on table.] Cueball: First I tried her cell phone, but it's off.
[Cueball sitting on steps, laptop in lap and gesturing.] Cueball: Then I tried IRC, but she's not online.
[Cueball standing in front of house and looking up at window.] Cueball: I couldn't find anything to throw at her window,
[Living room with couch easy chair and computer set up.] Cueball: So I SSH'd into the Mac Mini in the living room and got the speech synth to yell at her for me. Computer: Hey I'm locked out downstairs
[Megan sitting at table with laptop open.] Cueball: But I think I left the volume way down, so I'm reading the OS X docs to learn to set the volume via command line.
[Ponytail facing Cueball, who is still sitting on the porch with his laptop.] Ponytail: Ah. Ponytail: I take it the doorbell doesn't work?
[Beat panel.]


Contingency Plan

Explanation:
Megan comments that Cueball is force-feeding their child so many sugary drinks that the child runs the risk of developing diabetes . Cueball responds that that is the plan, since if anything were to go wrong, they'll just have to stop giving her insulin , which will kill her. Cueball then comments that he thus takes the Jurassic Park approach to parenting.
Jurassic Park is a series of books and films centering on a disastrous attempt to create a theme park of cloned dinosaurs. In particular, the park scientists give the dinosaurs lysine deficiency as a contingency plan , so that if some dinosaur were to escape, it wouldn't be able to survive in the wild. In practice, lysine can easily be obtained by eating protein-rich foods like red meat, lamb or pork.
The title text continues the theme, noting that having children is basically one big genetic experiment, and that Cueball is experimenting responsibly, by having a contingency plan, thinking ahead as to the possible consequences of his experiment.
The child interestingly cannot be seen in the crib. It may be that the sides of the crib are solid rather than barred like a traditional crib, or, more likely, Randall simply forgot to draw the child.
[Megan and Cueball holding a green bottle are standing beside a crib. Another green bottle is lying on the floor.] Megan: More sugary drinks? Are you trying to give her diabetes? Cueball: Yeah - then we keep her supplied with insulin unless things go wrong.
[Caption below the frame:]
I take the Jurassic Park approach to parenting.


Piano

Explanation:
This comic is the reverse of the "twelve inch pianist" joke that appeared in the rec.humor.funny Usenet newsgroup .
In the original joke, a man found a genie in a bottle, and it is implied that he wished for a "twelve inch penis ," but the genie misheard him and instead granted him a "twelve inch pianist ."  The crux is that the word pianist sounds similar to the word penis ; the joke also relies on the common trope of genies granting wishes (as in the tale of Aladdin and the Wonderful Lamp ), sometimes with creative (mis)understanding or literalism as an Aesop to be wary about what you wish for, as well as the common stereotype that larger penises are more desirable.
In this comic, the opposite happens: Cueball wished for a "twelve inch pianist " to play his miniature piano, but was misheard by the genie, implying that the genie instead granted him a "twelve inch penis ."  Megan has understood this implication, and therefore wants to have sex with Cueball (in accordance with the aforementioned stereotype).
The title text suggests that if Cueball had made a smaller piano – and had thus wished for a smaller pianist – he would have instead received a smaller penis , making him less desirable according to the stereotype.
Genies (or the magic lamps containing them) are mentioned in at least four other comics:
[Cueball is holding a box with an open lid. A miniature piano is inside. Megan is looking at it] Cueball: My hobby is making miniatures. Check this out — it's a fully-functional grand piano. Megan: Woah — beautiful.
[Cueball looks at the miniature piano.] Cueball: Sadly, I've never heard what proper music sounds like on it—the keys are too small to play.
[Cueball closes lid to the piano.] Cueball: I once asked a genie for someone who could play it for me, but I think he misheard. Megan: ...are you doing anything later?
For the record, pianist /'piənɪst/ and penis /'pinɪs/ are near homophones in English. This is because pianist has a different stress pattern than piano /pi'æno/. The vagaries of the English language.


Laptop Hell

Explanation:
The Devil Mephistopheles (named so in the official transcript ) is greeting the new souls sentenced to Hell , and recognizes an executive from Fujitsu Ltd in the form of Hairbun . Mephistopheles accuses her of causing his favorite laptop, the Fujitsu Q2010, to be taken out of production. Mephistopheles is displeased because he thought it was a good laptop, just poorly marketed by Hairbun. Hairbun is confused and asks Mephistopheles why he is upset, as acts of evil are generally encouraged by the demons of Hell. Mephistopheles agrees but explains that Hell also needs good laptops, and in her case their need for laptops was greater than the need for her evil works. Though, Mephistopheles then goes on to confess, that it would not really have mattered as Hell has an exclusive deal with Fujitsu competitor, Sony , and he could not have bought the Fujitsu Q2010 anyway.
This would explain why the sale of the laptop failed, and Hairbun also exclaims I knew it to indicate that she had suspected it was weird that Sony did so well. When one strikes a deal with a devil from Hell, their affairs in life go great, but of course one has then sentenced their soul to eternal damnation in Hell when one eventually dies. [ citation needed ] Seems like Sony has done so according to this comic.
This comic is likely a wish fulfillment fantasy by Randall for the canceling of his favorite laptop, the Fujitsu Q2010. Exclusivity deals are typically thought ill of as they are bad for competition. Also, since exclusivity deals solely benefit the provider, there are often reciprocal arrangements for the purchaser. This implies that the devil has influence at Sony. Likely, Sony was chosen as the electronic distributor to Hell because of the Sony rootkit scandal . This scandal inspired many to call Sony an evil company.
It is the second time in a short while that a demon was depicted in a similar fashion although without the trident and not in Hell. This devil was also named Mephistopheles in the caption of that comic 501: Faust 2.0 .
The title text explains that Randall's system administrator is upset with him because he tested the system administrator's laptop by throwing it down several flights of steps. The systems admin is implied to have taken revenge childishly, by replacing part of the text with "DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS" although it was almost certainly done by Randall as a joke.
The "suck cocks" part is a reference to a post in bash.org which went on to attain moderate fame.
[A devil, Mephistopheles (according to the official transcript ), with bald head horns, tail with arrow ending, a trident in one hand and a paper in the other hand is ready to welcome Hairbun to hell. Above Mephistopheles there are three large stalactite hanging down and behind Hairbun there is one very large stalagmite and three small and also two small stalactites.] Mephistopheles: Welcome to Hell. Here's— Mephistopheles:Wait. I know you.
[Zoom in on the two, with white background. Mephistopheles trident breaks the panels frame.] Mephistopheles: You're the Fujitsu exec who killed the Q-series. Hairbun: ...Yes? Mephistopheles: The Q2010 was the perfect laptop!
[In this frame-less panel with white background Mephistopheles walks away from Hairbun trident pointing up and left. Hairbun throws her arms out to the side.] Mephistopheles: Powerful, durable, had every feature, and made the Air look bulky . And that was back in 2006! Hairbun: But no one bought it! Mephistopheles: Then you marketed it wrong!
[Mephistopheles turns around towards Hairbun who both standing as in the first panel but still with white background.] Hairbun: Wait. Don't you encourage evil acts down here? Mephistopheles: In theory, yes, but we need laptops too! Mephistopheles: Although it's moot, since we have an exclusive deal with Sony. Hairbun: I knew it!


Genetic Algorithms

Explanation:
In the computer science field of artificial intelligence , a genetic algorithm is a search heuristic that mimics the process of natural evolution . This heuristic is routinely used to generate useful solutions to optimization and search problems. Genetic algorithms belong to the larger class of evolutionary algorithms, which generate solutions to optimization problems using techniques inspired by natural evolution, such as inheritance, mutation, selection, and crossover.
In particular, genetic algorithms are designed to evolve, with various mechanisms being used to mimic natural selection.  One such mechanism is to assign "costs" to various aspects of the program, and to select for programs which assess a fitness function such as calculating the least sum of all these costs (thus mimicking organisms in an environment where they have to compete for limited resources) versus any measurable benefits.
The line indicated by an arrow is a reference to the Terminator series, in which the main antagonist is an artificial intelligence known as Skynet that seeks to destroy all humans. By setting an absurdly high cost for an algorithm transforming into Skynet, the coder makes a preventive measure against the algorithm achieving such sentience.
The line about water crossing is a possible reference to the old computer game The Oregon Trail , in which crossing water was hazardous. This video game was referenced again in 623: Oregon .
The title text refers to the method by which the program select the desired option, with minimizing being where the program seeks the lowest possible number, and maximizing where the program seeks the highest possible number. When dealing with cases such as generating profit, maximization would obviously be preferred over minimization; but selecting maximization here would be disastrous as it would always chose the BecomingSkynet option before any other due to its massive cost.
[Code displayed, presumably from an IDE.] def getSolutionCosts(navigationCode): fuelStopCost = 15 extraComputationCost = 8 [There is a giant arrow pointing to the next line.] thisAlgorithmBecomingSkynetCost = 999999999 waterCrossingCost = 45 Genetic algorithms tip: Always include this in your fitness function.


It Might Be Cool

Explanation:
Cueball (or Randall ) is musing about the possibility of being a woman, to the confusion of the man next to him. His uninsightful rambling would likely be unimpressive and somewhat odd in most situations, but not odd enough on its own to prompt the second man's baffled reaction. However, the true reason for his confusion is revealed by the caption: Cueball is administering the presidential oath . The oath is administered by reciting it to prompt a new president to repeat them back to him. However, he botches it completely by forgetting about his task completely and wondering aloud about an unrelated topic. Thus, the president's confused question at the beginning is not him asking for clarification; he is repeating what he at first believed to be the oath of office, but got flustered when he realized Cueball had deviated from the script. When Cueball then continues by replying that "the menstruation thing is freaky," the president is completely derailed.
On January 20, 2009 the inauguration of Barack Obama 's first office took place. Chief Justice John Roberts , who was administering the oath, made a mistake while reciting the words. This comic references the event and wildly exaggerates the deviation from the oath for comedic purposes.
In truth, the error was rather small: the oath as prescribed in the constitution is:
I do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States and will to the best of my ability preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution of the United States.
Due to a missed memo on the pauses planned by the Chief Justice, Obama inadvertently interrupted Roberts during the first phrase - Roberts begins by saying I, Barack Obama, do solemnly swear, and Obama repeats his name while Roberts finishes that sentence. This disturbs Roberts who was not using notes, and he rendered the next phrase as "that I will execute the office of president to the United States faithfully," misplacing the word faithfully and saying president to instead of president of . Obama repeated, "that I will execute", then paused. Roberts attempted to correct the wording, but stumbled: "the off— faithfully the pres— the office of President of the United States." Obama then repeated Roberts' initial incorrect wording.
However small the error was it was big enough that Obama did retake the oath of office the day after the mistake was made.
The title text continues the wondering about being a woman going on from the menstruation to the ovaries . To make sure it is clearly the oath mistake that is referenced the sentence ends with '... faithfully.' Thus mimicking the real mistake of placing this word last.
Cueball might be an egg , an individual who is transgender and unaware of such.
[Cueball is administering the presidential oath with the coming president also drawn as Cueball.] Cueball: You know, it might be cool to be a woman. President: It... might be cool to be a woman? Cueball: Yeah, but the menstruation thing is freaky. President: Yeah, but... the... um. What?
[Caption below the frame:] Turns out I'm even worse at administering the presidential oath than John Roberts.


Space Elevators

Explanation:
Arthur C. Clarke was a science fiction writer and a futurist. The quoted remark provides a benchmark for how long it will take to create something as massive and advanced as a space elevator : when technology reaches the point where the idea is considered seriously rather than dismissed out of hand, about fifty years of further effort will make it a reality.
Mind of Mencia was an American television comedy series running from 2005 to 2008. Cueball implies that the show is so unfunny that putting it on every channel would destroy everyone's sense of humor , thus preventing them from laughing at anything, space elevators included. Cueball is missing the point of Clarke's quote; Clarke was referring to people no longer laughing at the idea of a space elevator, not people no longer laughing entirely.
The space fountain , mentioned in the title text, is another proposed method of overcoming the planet's gravitational barrier, involving an effect similar to that of a coil gun .
[Cueball and Megan sit beside a moonlit lake.] Cueball: Arthur C. Clarke said space elevators will be built 50 years after everybody stops laughing.
[Closeup of Cueball.] Cueball: So all we have to do is get Mind of Mencia on every channel and wait. Megan (offscreen): Oh, hush.


Ducklings

Explanation:
The comic shows an elaborate plan. The mother and her ducklings will always walk in a line. The ducklings will either follow their mother, or the duckling in front of them.
Cueball scares the mother duck, so she starts running away, her children following her in a line. Then Megan snatches the mother duck, leaving the first duckling to start following the last duckling, causing the ducklings to walk in a loop. Hence the caption at the end - "Operation: Duckling Loop." However, eventually the ducklings will probably realize something has gone wrong, [ citation needed ] and break the loop.
This behavior occurs naturally in real life with creatures that are less smart than ducks, such as sheep and ants (the phenomenon is called an ant mill ).
The title text refers to a meme called "Duckrolled", where one would post a link to a picture of a duck on wheels. It became much more famous in its later incarnation as the Rickroll .
[A mother duck and her six ducklings.] [Cueball is in front of the line of ducks, and Megan is behind.] Megan: Ready? Cueball: Ready.
[The duck and ducklings move.]
Cueball: ROAR! BOO!
[The mother duck is frightened, and turns back. Her six children follow.]
[Megan snatches the mother duck with a yoink.] Duck: QUACK!
[The six ducklings are now trapped in a circle of sorts.]
OPERATION: DUCKLING LOOP


Security

Explanation:
The "crypto nerd" would be concerned with strongly encrypting data on their personal machine. This would conceivably come in handy when "villains" attempt to steal information on his computer. The crypto nerd imagines that due to his advanced encryption, the crackers will be ultimately defeated. Randall suggests that in the real world, people with the desire to access this information would simply use torture to coerce the nerd to give them the password. Both panels also reference the amount of money used to access the data. In the first the villain is willing to use millions of dollars to construct a super computer which may still not fulfill their aim, while in the second, he simply uses a $5 wrench and 'the personal touch'. The comic effectively states, completely accurately, that the weakest part of computer security is usually not the computer, but the user.
RSA is a commonly used public key encryption method. Current standards typically use 1024, 2048, and (more recently) 4096 bit keys . These encryption methods are not yet (feasibly) breakable. A 4096-bit key will remain unbreakable for the foreseeable future.
To be resilient against this sort of "attack", cryptographers have devised schemes of deniable encryption , where attackers either cannot prove that encrypted information exists at all, or that allows the user to provide a password that reveals one (innocuous, or embarrassing but not illegal) secret without giving any indication that there is a second password that reveals the more important secret.
The title text pokes fun at typical users, who do not have data that would be worth anything to anyone but themselves. Therefore, it is unlikely that the above situation would ever occur. Additionally, the wrench used in the second panel is large, and presumably more than the $5 referenced by the thug.
[Cueball is holding a laptop up in two hands, showing it to his Cueball-like friend who is examining it while holding a hand up to his head. Above the top of the panels frame, there is a box with a caption:] A Crypto nerd's imagination: Cueball: His laptop's encrypted. Let's build a million-dollar cluster to crack it. Friend: No good! It's 4096-bit RSA! Cueball: Blast! Our evil plan is foiled!
[Cueball is holding a a closed laptop down in one hand while giving his Cueball-like friend a wrench with the other. The friend reaches out for it. Above the top of the panels frame, there is a box with a caption:] What would actually happen: Cueball: His laptop's encrypted. Drug him and hit him with this $5 wrench until he tells us the password. Friend : Got it.


Boyfriend

Explanation:
In classical statistics, statistical significance is used to determine whether a conclusion can be confidently made about the implications of a given set of data. If some data set is determined to be an appropriate sample of a given population, then conclusions can be made by determining trends in the data. Since one can never be completely sure that their data is truly representative, or their statistical analysis completely accurate, calculations of the likelihood of error are made. Once these calculations are made, it can be decided that a given conclusion is statistically significant because it passes a certain threshold for the likelihood of error. Because the statistical analysis that was done concluded that it is significantly more likely that the conclusions made are accurate than inaccurate, these conclusions are termed statistically significant.
In this case, Megan has analyzed the amount of time that Cueball spends with her versus others in his life. Based on the data she has gathered, she constructed a box plot. A box plot is a way to present data that utilizes boxes to show the range that a certain percentage of data points fall into. The boxes denote quartiles, so the large box demonstrates the range between the lowest and highest quartile, and the line in the center of the box denotes the median of the entire data set. The bars extend to the outer limits of the data set, encompassing the highest and lowest points (but excluding outliers). Box plots are useful to show the spread of data, and how it may be skewed. For more on box plots, see Box plot . Megan uses the data she has collected to show that the amount of time that Cueball spends with her is significantly higher than the amount of time he spends with others, since the amount of time they spend together is high enough to be an outlier when she completes a statistical analysis of the time he spends with people in his life.
Cueball accepts her claim, and she responds with a witticism that combines the phrases "statistically significant" and "significant other".
The title text can be interpreted in multiple ways. Firstly, Cueball may be resistant to the title of boyfriend . As he indicates, he is currently casually dating multiple people, and may therefore be resistant to any single individual attempting to establish a monogamous relationship. It could also be inferred that anyone taking the time and effort to statistically examine their relationship with him is off-putting, as this behavior could be viewed as obsessive. It could also be theorized that the term statistically significant other seems cold, and Cueball would rather date someone who makes him feel as though their relationship is significant, not simply someone who is an outlier in terms of time spent together. However, we know how Cueball responds to graphs without axes , so part of his rejection may stem from his disdain of her graph's lack of necessary units (for all we know, he could be spending significantly less time with Megan than with others!
...Or it could just be that it's a cringe-worthy pun, and Cueball doesn't appreciate Megan being so pun-happy. The unduly [ citation needed ] severe consequences for an over-elaborate pun setup are analogous to how another Cueball gets his math license revoked over a pun.
[Megan is on the phone.] Megan: Can my boyfriend come along?
[Cueball talks to Megan.] Cueball: I'm not your boyfriend! Megan: You totally are. Cueball: I'm casually dating a number of people.
[Megan points to a chart with gray box plot with a single black dot as an outlier to the far right.] Megan: But you spend twice as much time with me as with anyone else. I'm a clear outlier.
[Cueball puts his hand on his chin while Megan spreads out her arms.] Cueball: Your math is irrefutable. Megan: Face it—I'm your statistically significant other.


Base System

Explanation:
This comic comes in two parts and is a pun on the baseball metaphor used to describe how far a date went regarding erotic actions. Many different versions of the baseball metaphor exist, with varying degrees of complexity. But it has rarely been described with as many details as the one drawn by Randall in this comic.
In the first part, a four frame strip along the top, Ponytail and Cueball discuss how Cueball's date went. When Cueball answers Ponytail's question with "second base", Ponytail asks what that means exactly. They fumble around with the definition in panel two where Ponytail ask is that Below the waist, but... not under the clothes? Cueball tries to put this into the base system and suggest that this could be compared to the difficult shortstop fielding position in baseball, between 2nd and 3rd base. This fits with the position of Hands on the pants metaphor from the picture below the comic strip. Then Ponytail begins with yet another base analogy by mentioning crossing the pitcher's mound , but then suddenly she brings two more, very different, sports into the metaphor: American football (with the 50 yard line) and bowling (with the ten-pin ). It certainly sounds tricky, as Cueball says. Ponytail then brings up a third sport in her elaboration; her reference to getting a "red flag" could refer to different sports, as many sports use flags , some of them red. It is, however, most likely a reference to racing in motor sport as the red flag is displayed when conditions are too dangerous to continue the session. This makes sense when looking at the "translation" here below. Cueball, however, has not got a clue which he expresses when Ponytail asks him If you know what I mean. (Note that this comic came out less than a week after Super Bowl XLIII , the final game of the 2008 NFL season , which was played on 2009-02-01).
Here is a possible translation of Ponytails comment:
Original: You should try crossing the pitcher's mound . Then down the 50-yard line , and right past her ten-pin . Translation: You should try crossing her pubic mound , then down the landing strip , and right past her clitoris . Original: Last time I tried it, I got a red flag . Translation: Last time I tried it, she had her period .
This would mean that Ponytail was about to go down on another girl, while this girl had her period. Many people would find it disgusting to go down on a girl while she was menstruating, explaining why Ponytail brought it up when Cueball said Sounds tricky . However, Cueball doesn't seem to understand Ponytail's metaphors, explaining his replies of Sounds tricky and I really don't .
The second part, the diagram, depicts a much more complex version of the baseball metaphor, where baseball terms and jargon are used to describe the many and varied things human beings like to do in the bedroom. Explanations have been separated by position. In order to understand the terms used, one may want to consult this picture:

Note that Randall did not include any features from within the diamond; the pitchers mound or plate.
The " diamond " is the geometric pattern formed by the four bases - first, second, third, and home plate . Through the course of one side's turn (half of an "inning") players have a chance to move from one base to the next base in line: from first, to second, to third, and finally to home plate (scoring only if they make it to home plate). Thus there is a "progression" from one base to the next of sexual activity in the metaphor, until climax is achieved (getting to 'home plate' and 'scoring a run'). In both cases, players can be removed before making it to the next "base" in the sequence.
The entries in this section are ordered roughly from home plate to first, to second, to third, and then to home plate again, in the counterclockwise direction that the players move.
Inside the diamond, at the center of the mound, is the pitcher. Several odd positions are placed here in Randall's diagram.
The infield is the part of the baseball field which is inside the baserunning paths (not inside the lines between the bases, because baserunners are allowed to run a certain distance outside those lines).
The " outfield " is a group of players who are there to catch the ball if it goes away from the main play area (anything outside the upper curving line) and return it to play in a manner advantageous to their team. As they separated away from the main play area, the things in the outfield are often references to sexual behaviors that are "kinky" and "out there".
A foul ball occurs when a ball ends up in foul territory which is outside the foul line extending from either side of the diamond, the area is "out of play". Anyone who takes the ball into this area has committed a foul, and as such breached one of the acceptable rules of sexual conduct in the metaphor.
If you are together with a basketball player and then tell her that you are now at second base , she might become very confused as bases are not an element in basketball. Also there is the joke that basketball players never get laid because they always jump before they score.
[At the top there is a four panel regular comic strip.] [Cueball and Ponytail are talking; Ponytail is sitting on the back of a chair with her feet on the seat, and Cueball is sitting on the floor facing her.] Ponytail: So how far did you get with her? Cueball: Second base?
[Zoom in on Ponytail on the chair.] Ponytail: Wait, which one is that? Below the waist, but... not under the clothes? Cueball (off-panel): I think that's... shortstop?
[In a frameless panel, Cueball now almost lies down and Ponytail is sitting on the armrest of the chair.] Ponytail: You should try crossing the pitcher's mound. Then down the 50-yard line, and right past her ten-pin. Cueball: Sounds tricky.
[Again a zoom in on Ponytail now on the armrest.] Ponytail: Yeah. Last time I tried it, I got a red flag. If you know what I mean. Cueball (off-panel): I really don't.
[Below the strip there is a large frame with a diagram of a baseball diamond.] [At the bottom left there is a box with tis text:] The "Base" Metaphor Explained
[Bases are pointed too with thick black arrows (except home plate) and there are also arrows pointing to different parts of the diagram. All arrows and points marked with "x" have a description, as do the dashed lines covering the field. Below they will be listed anti-clockwise from the home plate.]
[Along the line towards first base is the following five items in the order they appear:] [x slightly right of home plate:] Eye contact [Black arrow pointing to a base half way to first base outside the line:] Your Base [x inside the line opposite your base] Passing notes [Black arrow pointing to a base further along and outside the line:] 0110 0010 0110 0001 0111 0011 0110 0101 0010 0000 0011 0010 [x Slightly before first base:] Downloading Star Trek fanfiction and replacing Riker's name with your crush's.
[Black arrow pointing to first base:] First base: Kissing
[Further along the line past the first base is one x point in the right outfield:] Eye contact from Janeane Garofalo.
[On the way towards second base there are the following two items:] [A region along the line from first to second has been marked off by a dotted line. It has the following text written inside:] The boring zone. [x some way inside the line next to the boring zone:] Using the scroll thingy on that one Apple mouse
[Black arrow pointing to second base:] Second base: Hands under the shirt and/or licking
[On the route from second to third base are eight items:] [A dotted line traveling from near the outfield above second base, then crossing the second baseline about 1/3 of the way to third base, snaking its way almost down to the home plate ending close to the third baseline. The following text is written along the dotted line inside the diamond:] The orgasm line [Above second base a large black arrow crosses the orgasm line near the outfield:] Napoleon's forces [x below the Napoleon arrow right before crossing the orgasm line:] Fursuits [Two arrows points to the second base line on each side of the orgasm line:] Hands on the pants Hands in the pants [x some way into the diamond just past the orgasm line:] Dry humping [x same distance down the second base line as dry humping, but equally far outside the line still infield:] Fursuits (crotchless) [x almost at the extension of the 3rd base line close to the outfield:] Standing anywhere near Peaches
[In the left outfield there are two x points:] [x in the outfield halfway along the second base line:] Retrograde wheelbarrow [x in the outfield almost at the extension of the third base line:] 2outfielders1glove.
[Foul of the third base line just left of where the grass line divides the in- and outfield:] Anal sex (fill in your own "foul ball" pun here.)
[Black arrow pointing to third base:] Third base: Oral sex (formerly "hands in the pants")
[On the route from third to home plate there are four items:] [Between third base and home there is a dotted line that makes a curve from right outside the third base line and ends right afer it has crossed the orgasm line. The text is written inside the diamond with the first word above and the other two below the dotted line:] "Virginity" (Maginot) line [A large black arrow curves around the end of the "Virginity" line outside of the diamond:] Teens [A large black arrow points from outside the diamond to a point right between home plate and the virginity line:] Sharing root PWs [x just before home plate at the end of the orgasm line inside the diamond:] Thigh contact


TED Talk

Explanation:
The comics shows Randall as a presenter at the highly prestigious TED conference , a symposium about technology, entertainment and design. The illustrious list of former presenters includes amongst others Bill Clinton, Al Gore, Larry Page, Richard Dawkins and Gordon Brown. The conference is regarded as a forum for digerati . Every talk has a length of at most 20 minutes and is supposed to be as captivating as possible.
Randall's presentation, however, reduces the purpose of the conference to absurdity: The topic he wishes to point out to his listeners, is that of how to put an emoticon at the end of a parenthetical statement. This question is of little practical consequence, although it received a lot of attention after publication of the comic. In the last panel, the TED conference is another item to add to his list of conferences from which he has been banned. On the list are other conferences from all sorts of fields, including every American furry convention.
The title text about Randall's ban from the IAU conference is a reference to the popular maternal insults called "yo momma" jokes . A common representative of the genre runs "Yo mama so fat, scientists have declared her the 10th planet." Those kind of jokes are a recurring theme on xkcd
It can be inferred from 629: Skins , that Randall was banned from North American furry conventions due to being a "Skin", which is a furry whose fursona prefers going around disguised as a human.  Depending on Randall's behavior, such an action could generate a lot of drama and, presumably, lead to convention bans.
Getting banned from attending a conference is a recurring theme on xkcd, and even in real life, Randall sometimes has bad ideas for conference topics, such as presumably not speaking for the entire conference . This was so far the sixth of eight comics to directly mention conference bans. The first to do so was 153: Cryptography .
The PyCon organizers made a response to this comic - see below under PyCon response .
Here is a  list of the conferences from which Randall has been banned according to this comic.
[Randall, drawn as Cueball, on stage.] Randall: Hi. I'm Randall. Welcome to my TED talk. Randall: It's an honor to speak to you, some of the brightest innovators from so many fields, about a problem in desperate need of your attention: Randall: How DO you end parenthetical statements with emoticons? I can't figure out a good way. [Screen next to him shows two statements, both crossed out in red.] "Linux (or BSD :) would..." looks mismatched "Linux (or BSD :)) would..." looks mismatched and weird
[Randall writing on a desk.] [Randall's List] Conferences I'm banned from: Siggraph Eurocrypt Defcon Pycon International Astronomical Union Canadian Paleontology Conference Every American Furry Convention American Baking Society Asian Dolphin-Training Conference TED
In response to this comic, PyCon organizers jokingly announced that Randall Munroe was banned from PyCon 2009 due to "last year's disgraceful keynote, 'Web Spiders vs. Red Spiders'." They also said they instructed their volunteers to refuse admission to him and "any stick figures who may attempt to register, particularly if they are wearing hats."
Messages on the PyCon-Organizers mailing list show that this joke was intended to get Randall to come to PyCon: (The links will only work if you're subscribed to the mailing list.)
PyCon mentioned briefly in today's xkcd: http://xkcd.com/541/ We've still never gotten Randall Munroe to actually attend, have we? Anybody want to take charge of twisting his arm this time?  I think we can still offer him a "press pass" (free registration). [...] [1] An invite would seem most appropriate given the cartoon. :-) We could also have an official PyCon blog post confirming his ban... [2] How about a public blog post LIFTING the ban and inviting him? [3] Confirming the ban is far funnier... He's definitely a disturbing influence on programmers. [4] Agreed, especially if we invite him concurrently with confirming the ban. [5] (a few posts later) I'm happy to participate in actually throwing some thin guy out of the conference, and then get some graphics savvy person to animate a stick figure over that. :) [...] [6] here's a rough idea of what would show up if you invited him to actually do any speaking... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJOS0sV2a24 it's fairly long. he shows up in the beginning around 3:25. [7] For the record, I did try to convince him to come when got the art for the tshirt last year.  He didn't seem super psyched, but then again emotions are hard to read via IRC. I love the idea of "officially" banning him, however. ;-) [8] (a few posts later) OK - posted to the PyCon blog, by the power vested in me as publicity chair.  With Michael Foord's excellent sentence added. Now let him know that since he's banned, he HAS to come. [9]
Randall has since this comic given a TED talk in March 2014. Randall Munroe Comics that ask "what if?" .


Cover-Up

Explanation:
Black Hat and Danish are trying to clean up the mess that some bloody murder most likely performed by them has left.  This story may thus be a continuation of 515: No One Must Know .
Another guy, Cueball , is on his way home and is about to arrive just when they are finishing the clean up. But then Black Hat realizes that the ceiling has also been stained (by the violent murder...) And now they do not have time to fix it.
But Black Hat knows how to deal with the situation, and when Cueball comes home, he says: "Did you know 'gullible' is written on your ceiling?"
Gullible means easily deceived or naive. This is a game many people play with each other "Whoa, someone wrote 'gullible' in the sky!" "Did you know when you look at the Microsoft logo upside-down it looks like the word 'gullible'?" Those that are gullible, check. Those that aren't, don't. [ citation needed ] In fact they will pointedly not do the thing that the first person has suggested as a show of how non-gullible they are. Black Hat uses this to his advantage to cover up the copious bloodstains on the ceiling and as expected Cueball just says "Hah. Yeah, right" and refuses to even glance at the ceiling.
The title text is hinting that Black Hat has had to cover up killing people several times as this trick has saved him many times. Of course there could also be other things than blood that he had to hide (the money he just stole etc.)
[Black Hat looking slightly up is holding two rags stained red with blood while Danish is holding an equally bloody mop.] Black Hat: Okay, got the blood off the walls. Danish: I finished the floor.
[Black Hat drops the bloody rags behind him while looking up at the ceiling, Danish has put the bloody mop behind her leaning against the wall while covering her mouth with her hands.] Black Hat: Good; he'll be home any- Black Hat: Oh crap! We forgot to clean the ceiling!
[Black Hat has moved away from the bloody rags towards Danish who has taken her hands down. They look straight at each other. The bloody mop has fallen over on the floor.] Danish: There's no time! Black Hat: Wait, I'll handle it.
[Cueball with briefcase enters the house through the front door behind him, still standing open. He is greeted by Black Hat holding out a hand towards him. The corner of the room and the wall behind them and past the door is outlines with three lines connecting in the corner.] Black Hat: Hi. Did you know "gullible" is written on your ceiling? Cueball: Hah. Yeah, right.


Sierpinski Valentine

Explanation:
A Valentine's Day card from Randall to the xkcd readers. It is written inside a parody of the Sierpinski Triangle , a Sierpinski Valentine.
The Sierpinski Triangle is a fractal pattern made of triangles, covering a space. The way it works is to draw a triangle and draw another (upside down) one in the middle. Choose the upper, left and right triangle and repeat the process. Another valentine in the shape of a heart is 63: Valentine - Heart .
The <3 in the title text is an emoticon for a heart and goes out to those of his readers that read the title text . Those who read the title text are usually more devoted to know that such a thing exists.
Another relevant comic to the Sierpinski Triangle is 95: The Sierpinski Penis Game .
[Shows an adaptation of the Sierpinski triangle fractal, using hearts instead of triangles.] Happy valentine's day. -xkcd


Pep Talk

Explanation:
Another comic where Randall takes a less than serious look at sports.
The halftime pep talk of a basketball game is commonly used by coaches to inspire their team to either turn the game around, or to defend the lead, and to make strategic changes that will help them do so. Unfortunately, the basketball coach Cueball has absolutely no fundamental understanding of the sport, and has pulled his team (of Cueball-like players) into the locker room while the game is still in progress, not during halftime, enabling the other team to score at will.
He could have tried to get a time-out , but still he would not have been allowed to take his team down to the locker room.
The title text parodies a common plot of, especially US, sports movies in which an inexperienced team (and sometimes coach) still manage to win a title after a highly motivational pep talk (see for instance Hoosiers ). These Pep talks usually take place during regular pauses of the game, and can lead to a come back from a seemingly insurmountable deficit. In this case the players are not even just poor basketball players but rather chess players and the coach knows nothing of the sport, the opposite of what is usually the case in said movies. And, of course, in this case those pessimistic about their chances were proven right.
[Coach-Cueball stands at the end of a double row of benches in the players locker room. He speaks to his team of five Cueball-like players, two are sitting with towels on the left bench, one stands behind them, and two are sitting on the right bench, one of them resting his head on his hands.] Coach-Cueball: Okay, team. We're sixteen points down. If we want to come back from this— Offscreen: Woo!! Score!!! Coach-Cueball: Okay, now we're eighteen points down. ...Listen—I'm starting to think we should only take these breaks at halftime.


Neutrality Schmeutrality

Explanation:
Wikipedia is an online encyclopedia with content developed and submitted by volunteers around the world. In fact, its slogan is "Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia that anyone can edit." Most articles on the site can be altered by anyone with access to Wikipedia.
Wikipedia has set some standards for its operation, which it refers to as the " Five pillars of Wikipedia ". One of these pillars is titled "Wikipedia is written from a neutral point of view ."
Pro-life and pro-choice refer to two opposing viewpoints in the debate of the moral and legal rights concerning abortion . For many on both sides, it is a very emotional topic.
Black Hat , like the classhole he is, has decided to prove that you can create an article which fundamentally cannot remain neutral. Since his charitable donation is determined by the word count of the article, any submission to Wikipedia must result in Black Hat's money supporting either pro-life or pro-choice activists. With a reward of one million dollars, it is unlikely that either side would allow an article that would result in the other side winning to remain unedited. The edits need not even overtly change the neutrality of the tone of the article – by simply rewriting 'unbiased' phrases with a differing number of words, the effect of the page is drastically flipped.
The title of the comic uses an old (read, "pre-Internet") meme, possibly of Yiddish origin, known as shm-reduplication . The speaker replaces the initial consonant cluster (have it 0, 1 or even 2+ consonants) with the cluster "schm", read /ʃm/, and says the new word after the unadulterated word, as in the title where it is "N" that has been replaced. This denotes an active apathy or an intentional disregard of the authority (for it is usually an authority or someone in a similar position) being mocked. In this case, Black Hat is disregarding Wikipedia's neutrality doctrine with his word count dependent donation rule.
The title text is an imagined statement from a Wikipedia contributor attempting to assert the neutrality of their submission, claiming no word count was performed before posting. However, it is nearly impossible to trust that anyone editing such an article would not make an attempt to shift the result in their side's favor, since it is impossible to know whether someone performed a word count.
[Caption above the panel:] Trivia: It's possible to create events which Wikipedia cannot cover neutrally [Black Hat is at a press conference in which he is making an announcement in front of a large crowd mainly of Cueballs but also some Megans.] Black Hat: In a week, I will be donating $1,000,000 to a recipient determined by the word count of the Wikipedia article about this event. If it's even, the money goes to pro-choice activists. If it's odd, pro-life.


Music DRM

Explanation:
Here, Cueball is commenting in a comment thread that he authored about the negative traits of DRM, or again, Digital Rights Management (also known under 'Digital Restrictions Management'). Cueball has a point: DRM, while meant to fight those who download media through 'dungeon sketchy' maneuvers, risks locking out legitimate owners . In turn, this turns off legitimate buyers from buying the songs, thus hurting artists.
Of course, this would be true if the major stores sell music with DRM. Megan , wanting Cueball to make peace and enjoy his goal, makes the following choice quote: 'Close the comment thread, get out the debit card, buy us some music, and let's rock the fuck out', while she shows the sign of the horns .
The problem is that Cueball is arguing for the enjoyment of arguing, not out of any actual belief in what he's arguing about.
The title text references 132: Music Knowledge while implying that Randall is not really a music fan, since he would only be interested in music that appears in the games that he plays.
[Cueball sits at his computer.] Cueball [typing]: ...and that's why music DRM is bad for listeners and artists! Megan [off-panel]: What are you doing?
[Megan enters and Cueball turns towards her.] Megan: In case you didn't notice, we won the music DRM war.  The big stores are DRM free.
[Zoom in on Megan who holds up a hand doing the sign of the horns.] Megan: So close the comment thread, get out the debit card, buy us some music, and let's rock the fuck out.
[Back to viewing both as in panel 2.] Cueball: But I don't actually like music, I just like being self-righteous on the web. Megan: Lucky for you, that will always be free.


Simple

Explanation:
There are three Cueballs discussing a particle accelerator . One Cueball asks the others about the "tertiary Free-electron laser ( F.E.L ) guidance system". As this is a fairly technical topic, we would expect a response filled with scientific jargon. The joke is that the other Cueball instead responds in a much simpler manner. He uses simple phrases such as "smash the right tiny things together" and "that would be very bad".
As the caption below the comic notes, Cueball (probably Randall ) has spent the previous night reading the Simple English Wikipedia , a simplified version of Wikipedia intended to be easier to understand, and now he finds himself using similarly simple syntax. For example, the article for a particle accelerator describes it as "a machine that makes really tiny things called particles travel at very high speeds." This is similar to the simple response given by the responding Cueball. In the actual comic, Cueball was able to effectively communicate the dangers of using a broken F.E.L. using simple syntax similar to the style of the Simple English Wikipedia.
From the title text, Randall believes that if people teaching advanced mathematics followed this style, their subject would be more accessible. The implication is that more people would be drawn to studying mathematics and that (naturally) the world would be a better place because of this, ironically most likely true!
This concept was later revisited in 722: Computer Problems , 1133: Up Goer Five and Thing Explainer (probably most notably), 1322: Winter and 1436: Orb Hammer .
[Three Cueball-like guys stand in front of a sketch. The middle Cueball is the protagonist of the comic and will be called Cueball.] Left Cueball-like guy: Do you have any thoughts regarding the particle accelerator's tertiary F.E.L. Guidance System? Cueball: We can't put the broken part in the machine. It wouldn't smash the right tiny things together. Then the machine might break. Cueball: That would be very bad.
[Caption below the frame:] I spent all night reading simple.wikipedia.org, and now I can't stop talking like this.


Kindle

Explanation:
The Amazon Kindle is a device that allows people to read books via ebook format. The comic was published three weeks after Amazon released the Kindle 2 , which included the ability to read Wikipedia articles via the 3G connection that was included with the device.
Cueball remarks that "ebooks are for chumps", but goes on to explain the real reason for purchasing a Kindle. Since it has free cellular web access, he could navigate through any city (presumably with 3G access), assisted by Wikipedia and Wikitravel .
Megan believes she has heard such a description of a device before and snatches the Kindle away from Cueball. When she scratches off the Amazon Kindle logo at the top of the device she reveals that the device is actually The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy . This fictional electronic encyclopedia is described in the real-life franchise of the same name. Those works recount the tale of a travel editor who works for and owns a copy of the Guide , which provides travel tips throughout the galaxy, including an entry for Earth . The comic suggests that Amazon simply re-brands copies of the Guide as Kindles.
The title text refers to the great utility of having the ability to access Wikipedia for free on an easy-to-carry device. The speaker states that should this utility ever become disabled, he would stage a drunk protest on the lawn of Jeff Bezos , the CEO and founder of Amazon.com. This method of protest is used by the protagonist of the Hitchhiker's series, in the beginning of the first book, in an attempt to prevent his house from being demolished, by lying in front of the bulldozer (in vain).
Amazon warned customers using 1st and 2nd generation Kindles in 2021 that 3G connectivity will cease to work, because network operators are upgrading their networks from 3G to 4G. Since this is not Amazon's fault, a drunk protest doesn't seem appropriate though.
[Cueball is looking at a tablet.] Megan: A kindle? Ebooks, huh? Cueball: Ebooks are for chumps. Megan: Why get a kindle, then? Cueball: One reason:
[Text is above the frame in which Cueball wanders a city with the tablet and with small bubbles forming above his head to indicate him being intoxicated.] Cueball (narrating): Free cellular web access. Even if I spend months broke and drunk in a strange city, I'll still be able to use Wikipedia and Wikitravel to learn about anything I need.
[Megan takes the tablet from Cueball.] Megan: Why does that sound familiar? Megan: Gimme that.
[Zoom in on the top of the tablet where the name is written:] Amazon Kindle
[Zoom out to Megan who scratches at the top of the tablet.] Scrape, scrape, scrape
[Zoom back to the damaged top of the tablet where a layer has been scraped off. This partly reveals a new name, where the first and last two letters are only partly visible:] Hitchhiker's Guide


Westley's a Dick

Explanation:
This is an alternate take on the 1973 fantasy romance novel The Princess Bride written by William Goldman which became a film in 1987 .
In the movie the main character, Buttercup, believes she has lost her first love to the Dread Pirate Roberts years ago. In the present she is considered one of the most beautiful women of the land and so is being married off to a prince. To provoke a war she has been kidnapped by mercenaries, one of whom is a very honorable Spanish swordsman named Inigo Montoya. A man claiming to be the Dread Pirate Roberts rescues her. On verifying his identity as Roberts, she attacks him by pushing him down a hill. While tumbling down the hill he shouts back "as you wish" identifying him as her first love. She tumbles after, landing on top of him as in the start of this comic.
There are, however, several "dick moves" Westley must have made in order for the film's narrative to make sense.
Westley breaks the fourth wall and claims he did all of these things for the sake of the narrative . In other words, he did it to make the story better.
In the comic Buttercup realizes that Westley has behaved like a dick and chooses to give her love to Inigo Montoya. But in the movie, he and Buttercup end up together in spite of this behavior!
The title text shows what looks like a message she and Inigo have written together, for instance in a heart on a tree. Inigo is the Spaniard referred to by Buttercup. Their names, then forever (4eva) and a heart (smiley heart = "<3"), implying they did end up together according to this version of the story.  Alternatively, it could simply be the narrator expressing his wish that this will come to pass.
It is not the first time Randall has referenced this movie, as the Dread Pirate was referenced in 345: 1337: Part 5 , and a quote from this movie is in the title text of 1427: iOS Keyboard . So it seems like a film that has some meaning for Randall.
Note: It's quite possible Westley hasn't been killing people as a pirate at all.  People had been surrendering to The Dread Pirate Roberts without a fight for years before he took over the role, due to the terror of his name. Of course, there may be a few people who needed to be killed, over the years, but the implication in the book (and movie) is that at least most surrender without a fight and are presumably unharmed.
If you haven't seen the movie or read the book, you may find it helpful to read the synopsis of the book here .
[A girl (Buttercup) with long hair and a man (Westley) looking like Cueball but with a bandana lies at the foot of a high cliff. There is a forest in the background] Buttercup: Oh, my sweet Westley!
[Buttercup sits on her knees, Westley takes off his bandana.] Buttercup: Why did you let me think you were dead? Westley: You shacked up with the prince! Buttercup: After years of mourning! The worst pain of my life!
[Buttercup stands up looking down on Westley who still sits with the bandana in his hand.] Buttercup: And now you ... kill people? Westley: I'd hardly be a dread pirate if I didn't. Buttercup: How lovable.
[Westley stands with the bandana in hand while Buttercup walks away from him.]
Westley: It was for the sake of the narrative! Buttercup: Fuck the narrative. I'm going to go see if that Spaniard's single. Westley: ...As you wish.


Density

Explanation:
This comic depicts a sex scene with Cueball in bed together with Megan , and a sentence being spoken by Cueball.  The sentence's overt meaning suggests Megan doesn't wish to become pregnant, but Cueball has prematurely or unintentionally ejaculated inside her.  The sentence contains five popular (at the time) memes :
In plain English, the sentence roughly means:
Hey girl, I heard that you don't want to have a baby but I accidentally came inside you.
The comic then goes to describe the pros and cons of the situation.  "Ruined life" is listed as a major downside, as he may have caused a girl to become pregnant against her wishes, and may have to father a child with her.  The usage of memes in response to the situation also conveys an uncaring attitude that is likely to put a damper on their relationship even if she did not get pregnant.  On the other hand, it is noted that the sentence could set a new record for the density of memes (most memes packed into the fewest number of words) which can be considered a positive.  This explains the title of the comic, though it will be a very superficial and meaningless record, especially when weighed against the downsides.
The reason Cueball chose to construct the sentence with so many memes is not clear.  Since the comic lists "ruined life" as one of the cons of this scene, it would seem that the accident, as well as the subsequent use of memes, were not planned.  It's possible that Cueball had too many memes in his head and couldn't think of anything else to say amid the nervous tension.  If this were another character, say Black Hat, then it would be easier to believe that the entire night could have been staged just to give him an opportunity to use the sentence and set a record.
The title text references 4chan , a site known for its memes, trolls and other assorted Internet clutter, and sarcastically implies that any advice they might give would in any way be at all helpful. Due to its population of trolls and other unhelpful sorts, advice given by 4chan would normally be useless at best and actively detrimental at worst; however, the title text implies that Cueball regrets that he did not ask 4chan for advice, and maybe have used them for this earlier.
[Cueball is in a bed with Megan.] Cueball: Sup dawg, I herd you didn't liek forming babby, but I accidentally in your base. [Below the frame:] Cons: Ruined life. Pros: Sentence set the new meme density record.


Etch-a-Sketch

Explanation:
Cueball notices that if you draw a lot on an Etch-a-Sketch , the aluminum powder in it can be cleared from enough of the screen to allow a view of the interior (as seen here ).
Cueball then proceeds to clear a window into the device, which shows him that there's a girl, Megan , inside whose job is to act as the stylus for the Etch-a-Sketch. She suggest that they be friends, and little hearts pop up.
As the dream fades, it then becomes clear that this is just a fantasy, and Cueball sighs at the rather more mundane reality that the lines get drawn by a stylus moving on a simple arrangement of rods. The comic ends with Cueball shaking the Etch-a-Sketch, which resets it and will re-conceal the mechanism.
The title text notes that sometimes the mysteries surrounding us turn out to be much more boring than we dream they are.
[Cueball is sitting on a bench playing with a pink Etch-a-Sketch.] Cueball: Hey. If I draw enough lines, I can see what's behind the screen.
[Close up on the Etch-a-Sketch's screen.] Cueball (off-screen): Oh man, almost...
[Cueball looks at the Etch-a-Sketch.] Etch-a-Sketch: Hi!
[Head of Megan appears in the black hole Cueball has drawn on the Etch-a-Sketch screen.] Megan: You're cute!
[Cueball is looking closer on the Etch-a-Sketch screen.] Cueball: Wha— Megan (out of the Etch-a-Sketch): I'm the one who draws when you turn the knobs. Megan (out of the Etch-a-Sketch): It's lonely in here.
[Cueball holds the Etch-a-Sketch further away from his head.] Cueball: It's lonely out here too. Megan (out of the Etch-a-Sketch): I'm glad you found me, then!
[Cueball holds the Etch-a-Sketch very close to his face. Panels start to break away into thought bubbles.] Megan (out of the Etch-a-Sketch): Let's be friends Megan (out of the Etch-a-Sketch): And never be alone again.
[The next panel is almost gone in the thought bubbles. In the remaining top left corner there are three pink hearts, the top one of these looks like it was drawn on an Etch-a-Sketch.]
[From the last two panels the above turns out to have been a fantasy of Cueball. There is a rather large break between the first three lines of panels to the last line. Between the previous line of panels (from the middle panel ) to the last line, there are three large circles, which then continues with seven more inside the next panel down to Cueball sitting with the etch-a-sketch.] Cueball: *Sigh*
[Close up of the Etch-a-sketch where the black hole Cueball has drawn shows what is really behind the glass; just the mechanics of the machine, with a pin that moves on a cross and removes the sand from the screen.]
[Zoom back out to Cueball who shakes etch-a-sketch above his head.]


Correlation

Explanation:
This comic focuses on the apparent difficulty people have in understanding the difference between correlation and causation . When two variables (like blood cholesterol levels and heart disease) are positively correlated, it means that as one variable increases so does the other, whereas a negative correlation means that as one variable increases, the other decreases. The human brain is very good at seeing patterns and deducing rules, and the seemingly natural conclusion is that that the one is leading to the other. In the example, that high blood cholesterol causes heart disease.
This may well be true.  The positive correlation is certainly not an argument against such a conclusion.  But it is only one type of evidence, and is certainly not proof.
The relationship between diet and blood chemistry and heart disease is a complex one, but simpler examples abound.  For example, if you tallied the sales of sunglasses and incidence of skin cancer by region, you would probably find that there is a high positive correlation.  That is, in locations where many people buy sunglasses, there are also many cases of skin cancer. Here it would seem silly to believe that wearing sunglasses can cause skin cancer, but this is exactly the same thinking that allowed us to conclude that blood cholesterol causes heart disease.  Correlations do have the ability to mislead us.   In this example, both sunglasses and skin cancer are directly affected by a third factor (specifically, a climate where many people expose themselves to the sun).
In essence, when two variables are correlated it does not provide evidence that one variable has caused the other. All it says is that their trends move in relation to each other. The correlation could be due to causality, but it could equally be due to other factors, or it could even be a random result.
In this situation Cueball is explaining to Megan his realization that correlation is not the same thing as causation. He further explains that his belief changed some time after taking a statistics class. Megan , concludes that the course caused his realization thereby establishing a causation. Cueball's final response of "Well, maybe." is a self-referential joke as there is not enough information to establish causation, only correlation which the class supposedly would have taught him. Being taught something in an academic setting does not necessarily mean a person will readily understand/realize the concept, hence the lack of absolute causation. It could also be a joke on Megan's behalf. Cueball may know whether his new knowledge is caused by the course, but he points out that Megan can't be certain about the causation.
The title text plays on two meanings of the word imply : have as consequence, or insinuate. In the statement correlation does not imply causation , correlation is here seen as a person, giving you subtle hints where to look for the cause. This is a metaphor for research, where the correlation must be investigated further, perhaps in a wider scope or with the consideration of more variables, so that the reason for it is understood. For example, Barry Marshall and Robin Warren noticed that the presence of Helicobacter pylori was highly correlated with duodenal ulcer patients.  They investigated further.  Result:  the Nobel Prize in Medicine.
In addition, the title text's reference to waggling eyebrows and gesturing furtively while mouthing "look over there" is possibly a reference to the movie Ferris Bueller's Day Off , in which the character of Cameron Frye tries to alert Ferris that Ferris's father is in the next cab over, and they are about to be discovered ditching school. What Randall is saying with this reference is that Correlation (if it were a character in a movie) is desperately trying to draw attention to Causation without openly stating this intention, and perhaps that correlation is a good place to start when looking for causation.
At the end, Megan suggests that "the class helped" (which is a causation), but Cueball is not sold, exactly because correlation (taking the class and improved understanding of causation versus correlation) does not imply causation (taking the class leads to improved understanding).
[Cueball is talking to Megan.] Cueball: I used to think correlation implied causation.
[Cueball lift his hand while continuing to talk to Megan.] Cueball: Then I took a statistics class. Now I don't.
[Back to the same situation as the first frame.] Megan: Sounds like the class helped. Cueball: Well, maybe.


Pirate Bay

Explanation:
The Pirate Bay is a website dedicated to facilitating BitTorrent downloads of popular media. The site's servers were taken down, briefly, and the operators were taken to court in Sweden, back in 2009.
Unlike normal downloads, files downloaded via Bittorrent are not stored on any web server, but instead transferred in small pieces by other people torrenting the same file; these other people are called "peers." Bittorrent allows websites to provide downloads without using up disk space or bandwidth serving up the entire file; instead, they can host smaller torrent files, which simply describe what the finished file should look like and a few "tracker" servers where lists of other peers can be found, and the peers themselves handle all of the bandwidth issues. This approach is used by a number of websites for completely legal downloads (it's popular among smaller game companies providing digital downloads, for instance), but it's mainly associated with piracy.
However, Bittorrent depends on peers actually having the file blocks that you need. People who have already downloaded the entire file, but continue to connect to the network solely to provide that file to others, are called "seeds," and they are an essential part of a healthy torrent. General etiquette demands that people should continue to seed a file until the ratio of data uploaded to data downloaded exceeds 1, although many people feel that one's ratio should be much higher. In any case, closing your torrents as soon as they finish, as mentioned in the title-text, is extremely bad etiquette, so it is punished with nuisance subtitles. This punishment was likely chosen because finding correct and well timed subtitles, in whatever language, for a pirated show tends to be quite hard sometimes.
This comic is essentially a pun on this second meaning of the word "peer" - in the US court system, a "jury of your peers" means a jury composed of everyday people like you, while the Pirate Bay operators interpret it to mean a jury composed of people who they've shared files with in the past. The Cueball that does the talking, and thus is the protagonist of the comic, feels that his approach would give him lenience in the trial, since he has always seeded well, thus ensured those peers had a good downloading experience.
The title text shows what punishment this kind of peer group would make if they find you guilty - unremovable subtitles in Hungarian . Many pirated videos originate from countries where no dubbed version is available in the regional language, so the only way to understand what's being said is by applying subtitles. These videos are then uploaded with subtitles still included, causing consternation among downloaders who can understand the spoken words but not the subtitles. Annoying Hungarian subtitles are just an example for a language most people don't understand. Finnish, Czech, or Polish wouldn't be better.
[Caption above the frame:] Awaiting the judges' ruling at the Pirate Bay trial.
[4 Cueball-like guys in a cell: 3 sitting down on a bench and one is standing, presumably looking at the fence.] Cueball: I wish this were in America. Cueball-like guy: Why? Cueball: I hear we'd go before a jury of our peers, and I've always seeded generously.


Not Enough Work

Explanation:
In some companies, programmers can find themselves under-employed. This may be because these companies have little programming work until something breaks or needs upgrading, or perhaps they are between projects, or simply waiting for a go-ahead.  Coders still need to make themselves available to perform emergency fixes, but they may have no other assigned work. This requires them to find constructive ways to spend their time.  Or unconstructive, if that is more fun.
Dvorak is a keyboard layout that was proposed in 1936 as an alternative to the existing, entrenched QWERTY layout, developed in the 1870s. The QWERTY keyboard is the standard in the US, but some features in its layout are  based on mechanical considerations rather than the optimum placement for typing speed. For example, common letter combinations such as 'st' and 'th' had to be arranged so that their operating levers were separated from each other, lest they cause jams and slow down the typist. More than sixty years later, such mechanical considerations could be overcome, and the DVORAK keyboard layout was made with typing efficiency in mind.
The Dvorak keyboard was ultimately unsuccessful. It still persists today, but has never threatened the dominance of the QWERTY keyboard.  Even if the Dvorak layout is  more efficient (which is still a matter of debate, see the uncomfortable truth in 561: Well ), QWERTY was and is the standard. This means that every keyboard user has to learn QWERTY anyway, and there is insufficient benefit in spending the time to learn a new layout, especially when you would have to switch back and forth between Dvorak and QWERTY as the situation demands.
Therefore, even seriously considering the switch is a sign that you really have nothing better to do.  Another joke is that even though the coder has plenty of spare time on his hands to practice on Dvorak, he has only been able to 'almost' match his old typing speed.
This was the first comic to refer to Dvorak, but since then it has become a recurrent theme on xkcd. A later comic, 1445: Efficiency , mentions, in the title text, how you could waste lots of time testing to see if Dvorak is faster.
Gopher is a defunct internet protocol, which has been completely superseded by HTTP . It's a perfect example of the kind of thing a programmer might implement in the absence of other, more useful work. (As an aside, the protocol is named for the mascot of the University of Minnesota, where it was developed.)
HTML and XHTML are markup languages used to describe web documents. XHTML-strict is a more restricted version of HTML that excludes certain redundant tags like , which is theoretically no longer necessary now that
 and  exist. Haiku , on the other hand, is a kind of Japanese poetry. Rather than having a rhyming meter like Western poetry, Japanese poetry has strict restrictions on syllable count; a haiku must contain three lines, containing 5, 7, and 5 syllables, respectively. The section of code given is HTML markup, and would be read by a web developer like this:
Div class equals Main Span ID equals Marquee Blog! end span end div (or alternatively slash span slash div)
Which can be divided in syllables like this:
Div - class - e - quals - Main Span - I - D - e - quals - Mar - quee Blog! - end - span - end - div
This meets the syllable requirements. Restricting yourself to writing markup in this form would be extremely challenging and time-consuming and pointless, so it, too, is a good sign that coders need more real work to do. The title text notes that if you are one of those assholes that are actually pronouncing the angle-brackets, then it would be even harder to write HTML in Haiku format. "Left angle bracket" and "right angle bracket" take up five syllables each on their own. (The asshole part is Randall's opinion about those who do pronounce <>). Haiku was mentioned later in 622: Haiku Proof .
Finally, the last panel mentions the biggest timesink of them all: webcomics ! [This is probably self referential.] (Or, even worse, wikis devoted to explaining the jokes in CERTAIN webcomics .)
A haiku-compliant programming language does in fact exist: David Morgan-Mar (a creator of many esoteric and parodic languages) invented Haifu , a language that will only compile if it is arranged into subsets of 5 + 7 + 5 syllables. Unlike the HTML example in the comic, Haifu derives its functions and syntax from concepts in Eastern philosophy (such as naming its variable types after the five elements , replacing true and false with yin and yang , and defining arithmetic in terms of creation and destruction).
The webcomic referred to in the last panel is most likely Xkcd (setting up a Deadpool-like scenario?)
[Above the first two panels there is a caption:] Signs your coders don't have enough work to do:
[Cueball sitting in an office chair at his workstation, with Ponytail standing behind him.] Cueball: I'm almost up to my old typing speed in Dvorak
[Cueball is standing next to a server rack pointing at it while looking the other way at a Cueball-like guy. There are three sections filled with servers, two of them together, and space for several more above and below and betwen those two and the one at the bottom. Behind the rack wires comes down tot he floor from all three servers together and the wires then exits the panel to he right along the floor.] Cueball: Our servers now support Gopher. Cueball: Just in case.
[In a frame-less panel Megan is standing near her workstation to the right speaking to Cueball to the left.] Megan: Our pages are now HTML, XHTML-Strict, and Haiku-compliant. Cueball: Haiku? Megan:
  Blog!

[Ponytail sitting in an office chair at her workstation.] Ponytail: Hey! Ponytail: Have you guys seen this webcomic?


Two Mirrors

Explanation:
In folklore, Bloody Mary is a legendary ghost or spirit conjured to reveal the future. She is said to appear in a mirror when her name is called multiple times (mainly 3). The Bloody Mary apparition may be benign or malevolent, depending on historic variations of the legend. The Bloody Mary appearances are mostly "witnessed" in teenage group participation games, often as part of a game of truth or dare. This is Bloody Mary's first appearance in xkcd, the second being 2364: Parity Conservation .
In this comic, Megan sets up two mirrors facing each other, in which reflections bounce back and forth between the mirrors until the mirrors absorb all the light. She then says "Bloody Mary" three times (as in the folklore) before ducking, conjuring an infinite number of spirits who jump from the mirror towards each other. It's not clear if they simply collide, or pass into the opposing mirror. Megan may be attempting an experiment either in particle physics upon colliding mirror matter or bridging Mirror Universes by enabling Bloody Mary’s opposing characterizations to interact with each other, or both.
Douglas Hofstadter (also referenced in 917: Hofstadter ) is the author of Gödel, Escher, Bach and I Am a Strange Loop . In the former book, among many other discussions of infinite loops, he points a television camera at the screen on which its image is projected, forming an endless series of screens similar to panel 2 of this comic. In the latter book he focuses on the idea of minds being self-referential. "In the end, we are self-perceiving, self-inventing, locked-in mirages that are little miracles of self-reference". This blends with the idea of the images of the person looking in the mirror being reflected endlessly.
[Megan sets up a full mirror facing a bathroom-counter mirror.]
[Megan looks through the bathroom counter mirror to see the infinite reflections.]
Megan: Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary.
[Megan ducks as the infinite Bloody Marys pop out between the two mirrors above her head.] RAAGHHHHH
In the right-most panel, Megan can still be seen standing in the right mirror even though she had ducked down at that point.


Alternative Energy Revolution

Explanation:
Megan and Cueball are looking at modern " windmills " (known as wind turbines ) harnessing wind energy into electrical energy. They comment that there's something creepy about the windmills. They allude to the book The War of the Worlds by H. G. Wells (the Jeff Wayne musical version of The War of the Worlds has paintings of the Martian tripods somewhat like these turbines) and also to John Christopher's Tripods trilogy, a young adult series of books that is also about aliens who ride in walking tripods.
Suddenly the windmills' pylons split into three legs, becoming the tripods suggested.
They exclaim that Al Gore has doomed us all. Gore is a former Vice President of the United States, known for his environmental activism and promotion of green energy sources, relevant because wind turbines like the ones here are one of the alternative energy sources he supports.
In the final frame, the seventeenth-century literary figure Don Quixote arrives. Randall's depiction seems to be inspired by the drawing by Pablo Picasso . In the original story, Don Quixote is a wandering knight of questionable sanity who fights a windmill, which he believes to be a giant. Hence, he is the appropriate person [ citation needed ] to deal with this threat.
The title is a joke on the phrase "Alternative Energy Revolution," which normally refers to replacing of harmful power sources with eco-friendly options. However, in this case, the Alternative Energy sources are literally rising up in a revolution against humanity, while their rotor blades are revolving.
The title text is another reference to The War of the Worlds : "But there are no bacteria in Mars... when I watched them they were irrevocably doomed... By the toll of a billion deaths man has bought his birthright of the earth, and it is his against all comers." Of course this time we are only saved because we — in spite of having evolved — still produce insane members of our species: some of them occasionally being crazy in a practical way (as Don Quixote's special powers lie in defeating windmills).
Wind turbines also appear in later comics. In 1119: Undoing , Randall still seems to dislike them. In 1378: Turbine , the turbine is alive as it is in this comic, though its talking may simply be anthropomorphism.
[A field with seven wind turbines is silhouetted against a dusk sky. One of the turbines is much closer than the others. The panel is double height and width of the two next panels to the right.]
[Cueball standing and Megan sitting on the ground are overlooking the wind turbines.] Cueball: I'm all for green energy, but those turbines creep me out. They remind me of War of the Worlds, or the Tripod books.
[While the two are in the same position but longer to the left in the panel wiggly lines form around the last word to indicate a high rumbling sound.] Megan: They are unnerving. Cueball: I can't shake the feeling that at any moment they'll— Rumble
[The next line in the comic has five small square panels:] [A leg begins to split off one wind turbine.] Crack
[The leg separates from the body of the wind turbine.]
[The new leg lands on the ground.] Boom
[Another leg begins to split off the other side of the wind turbine's body.] Crack
[The new leg hits the ground, forming a tripod base.] Boom
[A panel even wider than the first, but the same height as the 2nd and 3rd panel. Four of the wind turbines rampage across the field. Six smoke plumes rise from the ground where there are also nine to ten distinct red fires burning. The turbines move towards towers and buildings to the right.]
[Cueball and Megan are now both standing. This panel and the last three panels in the last row is all the same size, a third of the total comic in width and the same height as the previous panel.] Megan: Oh no. Cueball: Al Gore, you've doomed us all. Megan: It's coming this way! Cueball: Run!
[One of the enormous tripod wind turbine feet lands right behind the running couple, sending debris flying.] Boom
[Cueball and Megan run up a small hill (that continue up in the next panel).] Megan: What now? Cueball: Someone has to stop them. Megan: But who could- Voice (off panel): Stand aside!
[A man with a black hat  and a beard sits mounted on a horse at the top of the hill, lance at the ready.]


Students

Explanation:
This was the first comic with one of Randall's fun facts .
Students often dream they have assignments they have forgotten about that are due in a very short time period, leaving no time to complete the assignment, thus filling them with the feeling of impending failure. The panic and helplessness of being unable to complete the work in time only subsides when the dreamer wakes from the nightmare , although sometimes they wake to a reality where there actually is a looming deadline.
This comic suggests these dreams continue well after graduation, although there may be a nagging feeling that "I thought I completed everything and graduated".
The title text refers to the Green Ranger from the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers , or, indeed, any of the many Power Rangers/Super Sentai seasons with a green ranger. Crisco is a brand of vegetable shortening, a fat that is solid at room temperature and frequently used in baking. The joke is that Randall has a very odd recurring dream, and wants reassurance that he is not the only one... but he likely is!
Eleven years later, Megan tells Cueball that just the thought of being in a crowded classroom (even without concerns about an assignment) is scary enough in comic 2285: Recurring Nightmare . But that was due to the COVID-19 pandemic starting in 2020.
[Megan as a teacher speaks to a crowded classroom, where all students are grayed out except one of the Cueball students who is drawn in the normal black line.] Megan: Your projects are due today by 5:00 PM. Cueball (thinking): ...I didn't even know we had one.
[Zoom in in Cueball at his small desk still thinking. No other students are visible, but the desk next to his is shown although also fading out.] Cueball (thinking): Wait. I don't think I've been attending. I must have forgotten I had this class. Shitshitshit.
[Cueball is sitting at his desk, but now seen from the side, looking from the edge of his desk. The very right part of the drawing, with Cueball's back and chair, now begins to fade.] Cueball (thinking): Okay, I'm gonna fail. Will it hold me back? I just want to get out of here. I thought I had finished my requirements already.
[Cueball takes his hand to his face. This panel fades so much it is only about half a panel. Even the frame around the panel disappears.] Cueball (thinking): In fact, I think I remember graduating. What the hell is—
[As the previous scene completely fades we find Cueball waking up in his bed with small blobs above his head to indicate the dream disappearing.]
[Caption below the last three panels of the comic:] Fun Fact: Decades from now, with school a distant memory, you'll still be having this dream.


1000 Times

Explanation:
When amounts of U.S. dollars (or other currencies of comparable size) in the millions, billions, or trillions are mentioned in conversation, the impression left by the cited number is not some specific amount, but rather some generically large amount of money. A billion is a thousand times larger than a million, but if one is not paying close attention, they both mentally register as being "very large" or "life-changing if they ended up in my bank account", rather than being as different as "one dollar" and "a thousand dollars" are.
In this comic, Randall notes how news organizations take advantage of this fact to make certain figures sound comparable, when the are actually not. The " Bailout " referred to is the 2008 Troubled Asset Relief Program (TARP), wherein money was cheaply loaned to large banks by the government to help them remain solvent. The "Bonuses" are the subsequent bonuses paid by those banks to their employees.
Citing the size of the bailout in billions and the size of the bonuses in millions gives the misleading impression that the bulk of the bailout was spent on bonuses - in particular to the very traders who caused the problem that cause the need for TARP in the first place - making for much more outrageous and therefore attention-grabbing story. While the news organizations are not lying per se, citing the figures using the same unit makes it clearer that the bonus payments were a tiny fraction of the bailout which is not as obviously outrageous.  The news organizations, as news organizations are, were choosing the presentation that was most attention-grabbing over the presentation that conveys the information most accurately.
Below the two comic panels Randall asks the news organizations to stop using this way to misleadingly represent large numbers. He then proceeds to compares the difference between a million and a billion using an analogue that a newscaster may understand. Proportionally speaking, if a million is like Randall taking a sip of wine and spending 30 seconds (presumably talking over the wine) with your daughter, then a billion would be like him drinking a bottle of Gin and spending a night with her (presumably having drunken sex with her). Note that a billion is 1000 millions, and 1000 times 30 seconds does indeed equal 8 hours and 20 minutes, or about "one night". And a bottle of gin (750 mL, 40% ABV) contains 1000 times as much alcohol as a small sip of wine (3 mL, 10% ABV)
The title text is a reference to a semi-famous case where Verizon Wireless quoted a rate of 0.002¢ (which equals $0.00002) per kB on their data plan, but charged $0.002. They could not see the difference.
[Two almost identical panels are shown with Ponytail sitting behind desk. Above each panel there are a caption and the text in the sign of each panel is slightly different]
[Left panel caption above and sign in the panel:] Dishonest Sign: Bailout: $170 billion Bonuses: $165 million
[Right panel caption above and sign in the panel:] Honest: Sign: Bailout: $170,000 million Bonuses: $165 million
[Caption below the panels:] Dear news organizations: Stop giving large numbers without context or proper comparison.
The difference between a million and a billion is the difference between me having a sip of wine and 30 seconds with your daughter, and a bottle of gin and a night with her.


No Pun Intended

Explanation:
"No pun intended" is an idiom meaning that something just said wasn't meant to be a pun , implying that the preceding statement could be interpreted as one. As done in the comic, following a non-pun with "no pun intended", although factually accurate, breaks this implication and confuses listeners who will be trying to work out which part of the sentence could have been interpreted as a pun.
In this comic, which is part of the My Hobby series, Cueball uses this tactic to confuse Beret Guy , who spends the next three hours trying to understand what pun there could have been in Cueball's sentence: I think he's internalized his girlfriend's attitudes . The guy Cueball talks about seems to have taken over ( internalized ) all his girlfriends attitudes, values, standards and opinions, putting these instead of those he has from his own identity or sense of self. This is probably sad, but there is no pun in the sentence.
Beret Guy, however, has been fooled by the addition of no pun intended and tries to overanalyze the sentence - did Cueball mean Lied when saying Interna li z ed or was it Analyzed or even Attitudes he meant; could that be the pun? Since there was no pun, he will never find a solution. This was Cueball's plan all along.
It seems like Beret Guy, after three hours, finally gives up when he says Dammit . This then leads to the title text joke.
Unfortunately for the hobbyist, blank puns default to sexual innuendos, the most notorious example being "If You Know What I Mean."
The title text elicits a similar confused reaction, as the most literate people will be more likely to want to spell out " damn it " rather than using the also correct abbreviated form with morphed spelling, dammit , which is referred to as with two m's because many people ( mainly in the US it seems) contract damn it to damnit , which is the "wrong way".
[Caption above the panel:] My Hobby: Appending "no pun intended" to lines with no pun in them.
[Cueball is talking to Beret Guy.] Cueball: I think he's internalized his girlfriend's attitudes - no pun intended - and so...
[The next panel is inlaid partly over the first panel. Beret Guy is thinking. Above his thought bubble is a caption:] Three hours later: Beret Guy (thinking): "Internalized?" Lied? Analyzed? Or is it "attitudes"? Dammit.


Lithium Batteries

Explanation:
Randall muses that his life would have been better if he aged in reverse; this idea is based on a timeline of the usage of lithium-ion batteries . The reasoning is that each of these uses would come to realization when he most needed it; cheap RC planes as a child, a cellphone when he is a teenager and also later for when he is a successful businessman and finally a pacemaker when he is old.
The time-reversed aging is probably a direct reference to " The Curious Case of Benjamin Button ", by F. Scott Fitzgerald , a film of which was released in December 2008, a few months before this comic appeared.  Randall has used this theme before in 270: Merlin , referencing another backward-time-travelling character (in that case, from " The Once and Future King " by T. H. White ).
Lithium-ion batteries have the highest energy density of any widely available battery, and for this reason are commonly used in portable electronic devices such as laptops, tablets and smartphones, and also the newest airliners such as the Boeing 787 Dreamliner .
In the title text, Randall states that he is a big fan of cheap radio-controlled aircraft (now powered by cheap lithium-ion batteries), which he most likely wishes would have been available when he was a child. That these have now become so cheap has undoubtedly been the inspiration for this comic.
As such, he has an uncontrollable, instinctive urge to make up for his childhood lack of RC aircraft by buying every one he sees compulsively, if they cost less than $30, in spite of him normally being a frugal person. ( Frugality has been defined as the tendency to acquire goods and services in a restrained manner). This tendency has now become a financial problem since cheap RC aircraft have become more and more plentiful, whereas if Randall aged backwards, this wouldn't be an issue - as children rarely make purchases, and adult Randall would live in a world where RCs were still expensive. The one in the comic is priced at only $10.
The concept of experiencing events in reverse is also explored in 1869: Positive and Negative Reviews .
[Caption above the timeline:] Timeline of commercial uses of lithium batteries:
[The panel has a timeline that goes from past to present. The timeline has 4 notches on it. Reading from left to right, with the scale below the line and the description above each notch are the following:] Past
[The first notch, closest to the past side, has a picture of an old man with a walking stick.] Pacemakers
[The second notch has an image of a man in a car, who is talking on his cell phone.] Phones for Rich Business People
[The third notch, has a teen talking on his cellphone.] Phones for Teenagers
[The forth notch, closest to the present on the timeline, has an image of a radio controlled toy plane box with a price tag written on it.] Really cheap R/C planes and helicopters Box: $10
Present
[Caption below the panel:] Life would be so much better if I were one of those people who aged backward.


Well

Explanation:
This is the first comic in the Well series. It was followed by 568: Well 2 .
Uncomfortable truths are truths that exist, but no one wants to have to think about them.
The first is about Firefly , the TV series created by Joss Whedon and canceled by FOX , due to poor ratings performance, after airing the first 13 episodes out-of-order . In Firefly , the main languages spoken are English and Chinese (supposedly in equal measure), because China was the only other world power besides America to go to space (Joss Whedon's own explanation on the DVDs). However, there are very few actual Asians on-screen.
The second is about two different keyboard layouts, QWERTY and Dvorak. Early typewriters used to jam easily if two nearby keys were struck at about the same time. To work around this, the QWERTY layout, named after the first six letters on its keys, scattered common letter combinations around the keyboard, thus greatly avoiding the problem. (A common myth states that this was done to slow typists down; it was the opposite.) Later typewriter mechanisms were less prone to jamming, which prompted a few people to try to create alternative layouts, such as Blickensderfer's DHIATENSOR layout in 1892, or the Dvorak Simplified Keyboard in 1932. Such layouts never really caught on; by then, typists were all very used to the QWERTY layout, and were unwilling to take the time and effort to learn a new one.
In the Dvorak layout, August Dvorak placed the most frequently used keys at the most easily accessible places; Dvorak's advocates claim this reduces typing effort and repetitive strain (as mentioned in the title text) while increasing typing speed and accuracy. However, rigorous, unbiased studies have yet to clearly show significant superiority. (As the title text mentions, the most commonly cited study in Dvorak's favor was overseen by Dvorak himself during his US Navy service in World War II.)
This was the second comic to refer to Dvorak after 554: Not Enough Work , and since then it has become a recurrent theme on xkcd.
The third and fourth truths are connected: they involve the two people receiving them and (presumably) their relationship with each other. Every time Cueball said "I love you" he never really meant it; whereas Megan meant it every time she said "I love you". This is very uncomfortable for both! This could also be intentional, since in 568, a person called Mike (who happens to be a friend of Megan ), is actually hiding inside the well and tells these uncomfortable "truths", he would have intentionally broken Cueball and Megan up to be able to manipulate Megan in the next installment.
The title text perpetuates the Emacs vs. vi debate . Both Emacs and Vim are text editors that are frequently used as general-language editors of source code. The issue is that, while Emacs is more user-friendly and customizable, vim is more lightweight while needing few keystrokes in text editing. Because of this balance, fans of Emacs and fans of vim end up fighting each other.
[A sign sits by a well.] The Uncomfortable Truths Well
[A Cueball-like guy and Ponytail are lined up for the well; the guy throws a coin in.] Well: For a universe that's supposed to be half Chinese, Firefly sure doesn't have any Asians.
[The guy is gone, Cueball and Megsn arrives as a couple lining up behind Ponytail; Ponytail throws a coin in.] Well: There's no solid evidence DVORAK's better than QWERTY. The standard histories are urban legends.
[Just the couple remain; Cueball throws another coin in.] Well: You've never said "I love you" and meant it. It was always just words.
[Megan has presumably also thrown a coin in the well. This is not shown as for the first three. Cueball waits for her on the other side of the well.] Well: You meant it every time.