Similes

:This article deals with Similes, the literary device, not Smilies, the integral part of proper interweb speak. For information about this interweb language category, see Emoticons.
Similes are like the taste of ice-cream on a hot day. The taste of ice-cream on a hot day is refreshing, just like a simile. These are not to be confused with metaphors which are ice-creams.
==Example: Every Rose Has Its Thorn==
Most English professors agree that Poison's Every Rose Has Its Thorn marked a switch back to the lyrical work of e.e. cummings and Robert Lowell's late poems. All lyrics after this must grapple with the triplet that leads this song off:
:Every rose has its thorn
:Just like every night has its dawn
:Just like every cowboy sings a sad, sad song
The lyric moves from hexameter into free verse, but what fascinates scholars is Brett Michaels use of simile for two things (botany and the rotation of the Earth) that, in fact, have nothing to do with one another. This brilliant innovation means similes are far more versatile than anyone thought:
:Every rose has its thorn
:Just like every <choose>
<option>house has a lawn</option>
<option>RPG has its rocket-propelled grenade</option>
<option>stripper has a thong</option>
<option>elf has a bag of holding</option>
<option>funny car has a horn</option>
<option>Leopold has its Loeb</option>
<option>Harding has a Coolidge</option>
<option>road crew has a steamroller</option>
<option>reindeer has a death wish</option>
<option>emperor has a Thrawn</option>
<option>pledge drive has a tote bag</option>
<option>piano has a goldfish</option>
<option>ex-Friend with Benefits has a fetus</option>
<option>prime minister has an otter</option>
<option>book has a cover</option>
<option>paramecium has a flagellum</option>
<option>god has a human chick on the side</option>
<option>decimal has a decimal point</option>
<option>kangaroo has an Australian chasing it</option>
<option>World War has a dead archduke</option>
<option>hair-metal band has, like, 12 tons of hair spray</option>
<option>Kissinger has a Nixon</option>
<option>cafeteria has tapioca</option>
<option>Biosphere has sexual intrigue</option>
<option>diplomat has a fake French accent</option>
<option>elephant has a nose</option>
<option>hooker I slept with in Vegas has photos</option>
<option>Frankenstein has a mob</option>
<option>Supreme Court has a tricycle</option>
<option>bus has chewed-up gum</option>
<option>Pat has his Mike</option>
</choose>,''
:Just like every <choose>
<option>welder dances like she's never danced before.</option>
<option>camper pwns you, noob.</option>
<option>cowboy walks into a brothel.</option>
<option>Member of Parliament cries over Debbie.</option>
<option>naked librarian promotes literacy.</option>
<option>person knows about your meth habit.</option>
<option>chartered accountant composes rap album in their head.</option>
<option>bus driver lacks a license.</option>
<option>drunk guy goes Woo, Woo, Woo.</option>
<option>Jedi plays a muthafuckin' banjo solo.</option>
<option>president loves a full kitchen staff.</option>
<option>janitor waxes a floor.</option>
<option>best friend steals your credit cards.</option>
<option>political revolution turns upon itself.</option>
<option>perverted amoeba splits in three.</option>
<option>comedian does a lousy Joe Pesci impersonation.</option>
<option>running back chews up the clock.</option>
<option>Liberal Democrat wonders what the hell they're doing.</option>
<option>teenager wrecks my goddamned car.</option>
<option>Congressman knows how to clog.</option>
<option>tree jumps up and down when no one's around.</option>
<option>thesaurus goes unopened.</option>
<option>tattoo marks a night you'd like to forget.</option>
<option>manufacturing sector transforms into service industries.</option>
<option>Fed chairman pulls an interest rate out of his ass.</option>
<option>dolphin clicks obscenities to humans.</option>
<option>lawyer goes to court in frilly lingerie.</option>
<option>Who reunion just flat out sucks.</option>
<option>anarchist needs to get laid.</option>
<option>Constitution Party member needs to get laid.</option>
<option>one could write this song.</option>
</choose>''
Category:Language
Category:Literature
Category:Pages that look like the things they're about