The Creepypasta Garage Sale

This is a story/theorem about that horrible cliche about Garage Sales giving freaky shit to people for free (Not like it's gonna haunt them or anything right?). I'll talk about how it came about, where the seller got that messed up shit from, and why it's so popular, for some fucking reason.
Ok, so let's start with how the seller got the messed up shit.
Wanna know how I know?
Of course you don't, but I'm gonna tell you anyway.
I'm the seller.
Every. 
Single.
Time.
Sounds crazy, right? I'm probably joking, right? You are probably pissing yourself with fear, right? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you are a fucking idiot. They were rhetorical. It was a test and you failed.
DIS STOREE IS TRUU BRUH!
ANYway, what happened was it all started on 2136, Feb 34th. I was casually living in my messy flat, then all of a sudden my painting vanished! As soon as I could sing Bohemian Rhapsody, which as most of you should know is a very quick song, it was gone! 
At that moment, I was confused. Then more things started to vanish (my vase, CD of Shrek, my favourite bit of paper, the pre digested shit from my intestines...), the disappearances becoming more and more rapid.
I ran to my computer, in my ice skates of course, then got onto facebook to chat to PATRIXXX, see if he knew what was going on. After all, he is clearly a member of the Illuminati.
sexyswimmer527 (me): Yo, PATRIXXX what's going on?
evulpetrixx22: Nothing much, what about you??
sexyswimmer527 (me): No, you dumbshit not like that. As in, whats going on with all my stuff?? It just vanishes. Thought the Illuminati had something to do with it.
evulpetrixx22: Ahhh, yes. Yeah we're taking all your stuff.
malestripper330 (me): What?! Why? What have I done wrong??
evulpetrixx22: It's your destiny. Here's what's going down. We take your stuff, 2 days later we give it back but each item has a curse. A curse to change Creepypasta Wikia users lives. They get your things (oh yeah, you're giving it to them for free), they get cursed. They whine about it on the wikia, everyone who reads their story is cursed as well.
sexyswimmer527 (me): Wait, what is the curse?
evulpetrixx22: I dunno, some freaky Illuminati shit happens to them.
(I don't chat there for a while, I simply sat on my bucket, stunned.)
evulpetrixx22: You don't have to give every item, but your video games you must. Besides, they are more appealing to children and children are more vulnerable to the AID- Uhm, curse.
sexyswimmer527: Why video games?
evulpetrixx22: People only read video game creepypastas now. Oh, my boss is coming. See you bitch!
evulpetrixx22 has left the chat. You are a loner now.
Ok, so the Illuminati had taken all my stuff, gonna curse it then I had to give it to people for free. Right...
I hibernated for 2 days, and just as well everything was back. But, alot of things looked tattered. All of my favourite games were written in crappy Sharpie, my furniture had little cuts and gashes across it and my curtains were torn. Talking of my curtains, there was a table in my garden, with a sign I couldn't read.
Why couldn't I read it you little fucknuts ask? Because it was backwards.
Guessing I had to put my crap on it to sell, huh.
I quickly checked the games I had, to see what little quirky glitches were in it.
First of all, my good ol' Sonic. I loved that game. But, as PATRIXXX said, it had to go.
I put down the first set of things on it (my pre digested shit, curtains, cushions, Sonic [now saying SONIC.EXE in Sharpie], and a whole bunch of other crap). A few people came to look at my junk.
No, not the kind of junk you're thinking about, sick bastard.
Alas, they did not buy anything.
Oh shit! They didn't buy anything!
That included my video game, SONIC.EXE. Now, how could I sell that? Wait, PATRIXXX didn't say I had to SELL it, did he??
I quickly ripped open an envelope, wrote a quick letter (in unneat writing, of course) and said my name was Kyle, hoping the guy I give it to knows a Kyle. I took a shit on the flap, then stuck it down. I shoved it in a mailbox, then went back over to my house.
Next, Majora's mask.
I quickly checked at the little glitches. It was perfect! I renamed the file from "PATRIXXX" to "BEN", standing for "Biting Everyone's Nipples".
Why?
I had a sudden habit to whoever I see, bite their nipples. I said to myself that if I sell this, I will stop this habit for good.
Sure enough, I did.
I put my next set of things on the table, all Zelda related (hoping to appeal to children, as PATRIXXX said). It included a little wall frame of a Majora's mask replica, Hylian shield, A Master Sword replica, and of course BEN.
Within 15 minutes of me holding this little stall, BEN sold.
It was time to say goodbye to nipple biting.
"Goodbye, Ben!" I shouted. I felt relieved and sad, relieved because no one would take me as a freak anymore, and sad because that boy I sold it to had tender nipples...
PATRIXXX, I saw, was back on Facebook.
evulpetrixx22: I'm pleased with your work. We must meet up sometime. I have more things to give. Oh, but first, your reward.
Reward? Oh yeah!!! PATRIXXX never said anything about a reward! 
As I was thinking that, 50 starfish came raining down from a holy cloud.
I thanked the PATRIXXX lord, and I was happy.
evulpetrixx22: The reward will be greater, if you wish to continue with this job.
Hell yeah!
And so, I sold creepy shit to people for years, and with every sale I got more and more starfish.
That answers the question of how it came about, and how the seller got the items.
Two birds with one stone, bitch!
Next question: Why is it so popular?
Because, the curse was that they had an evil force overwhelming them into writing their story to the wikia. That evil force was PATRIXXX.
Next question: What about Squidwards suicide?
This one didn't really have to do with me, and honestly the answer is an assumption.
Because of PATRIXXX.
PATRIXXX was making an army, today known as the Illuminati, and the Illuminati can do some crazy shit. Squidward commited suicide because of a turnip.
Nah, just joking, it was a tomato!
PATRIXXX's army (The tomatoes and the Illuminati) was overwhelming his sanity, causing him to commit suicide.
Next que- NO! NO MORE QUESTIONS!
THE END.
YOU'RE NEXT TO SELL CREEPY SHIT
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Vidya games
Category:THERY
Category:EVIL PATRIXXX
Category:TRUE STORY
Category:YOU'RE NEXT
Category:English Class Failure