Opposites Distract/Transcript

There is a thunderstorm over the Read house. Arthur sits at his desk while D.W. plays with a Wack-a-Mole toy in his room.
D.W.: Come on, Arthur! You said you'd play Funny Farm with me tonight.
Arthur: I haven't even started my homework yet.     
D.W. leaves and Arthur addresses the camera.
Arthur: Have you ever noticed how hard it is to get to work on your homework? First, you have to make sure you have your favorite pencil sharpened and a couple of backups, just in case.     
There are ten pencils on his desk. 
In the living room, Kate and Pal are playing tug-of-war with a ruler.
Arthur: Then, you need a ruler, because you never know when you'll have to draw a straight line.
He hands a bone to Kate and a pacifier to Pal. Then he takes the ruler while Kate and Pal stare at the objects. Kate gives Pal the bone and puts the pacifier in her mouth. 
Arthur sits at his desk again.
Arthur: And then, you have to make sure you have enough light.       He turns on his desk lamp but nothing happens.       D.W.!
~~~D.W. sits in front of a glowing microwave oven in her room. Arthur stands next to her.
D.W.: If you aren't going to play with me, what choice do I have but to bake a cake in my Mary Moo Cow oven?
Arthur: Get your own light bulb. We have plenty of them.
D.W.: But they're in the... basement!       
The oven makes a ‘bing’ sound. Arthur takes out the hot bulb and walks out.
Arthur: Oo – ah – oo – ah – oo – ah…
~~~Arthur sits at the desk again and successfully turns on the lamp.
Arthur: There, everything is in its place, and I can finally get to...    Drops of water start falling on his desk.    Hh!
~~~Title Card: Arthur in a suit rings Buster’s doorbell
~~~The Reads are having breakfast when D.W. comes in. Noises are heard from above.
D.W.: Call the fire department! Santa and his reindeer are stuck up on the roof!
Mrs. Read: No, D.W., those are workmen fixing the leak in Arthur's ceiling.
Arthur: Will they be done by the time I get home from school? I have a three-page paper due.
Mrs. Read: I'm afraid the contractor said it could take a week, Arthur. Why don't you study in the den? I get lots done in there when I'm working.
~~~
Later, Mrs. Read has a video conference with Ed Crosswire at her computer while Arthur tries to do homework on the coffee table.
Mrs. Read: I'm sorry, Ed, but you can't claim Bailey as a dependent. Eh, no, I don't think you should adopt him. Hey, let's go over these numbers again.
Arthur: Aw…
~~~ 
Arthur tries to read a book in D.W.’s room while D.W. has a tea party with Pal who is wearing a bonnet.
Pal: (whines)        
Arthur gives D.W. an annoyed look.
D.W.: Mom! Arthur's looking at me!
~~~
Arthur sits in the treehouse with his homework. It is a windy fall day and the wind blows leaves into the house.
Arthur: (shivers)     Ah…     
The wind blows his book away.
~~~
The next morning, Arthur comes into the classroom with leaves stuck in his sweatshirt. He sits with Buster, Francine and Muffy.
Buster: There you are! I thought maybe you'd been abducted by aliens.
Arthur: I wasn't abducted, but my bedroom was. There's a leak in it and I had to write my paper yesterday in the tree house.        
He takes out a dirty report with a leaf stuck to it. He puts it on the table. Mr. Ratburn takes it and looks disapprovingly at the leaf.
Arthur: I, uh, haha, included visual aids!
Buster: Why don't you come over and study in my room until the leak gets fixed?
Arthur: Really? That'd be great!
Muffy: I'd advise against it. According to Young Entrepreneurs magazine, 75% percent of friends who work together don't stay together.
Francine: Remember when you became allergic to your carpet and stayed with us for a week?
Muffy: That wasn't pretty.
Buster: That's not gonna happen to us.
Arthur: Yeah. What kind of friendship can't survive studying together in the same room.
Buster: We'll have fun and we'll get twice as much done.      
They high-five. In their imagination, they sit at desks in Buster’s room.
Arthur: I've just finished my math homework for the entire year!
Buster: And I've just created a timeline for the War of 1812.  Ha! What's left to do?
Arthur: Five words...  Dark Bunny's Video Game Smackdown!      
They high-five.
The fantasy ends.
Muffy: This is so not going to go well.
~~~ 
That afternoon, the doorknob in Buster’s door wiggles.
Buster: My doorknob's a little funny. Just pull up and to the right. There's a system to it.
The door suddenly opens and Buster falls into the room.
Arthur+Buster: Oof!
Arthur: Wow! You might want to get that fixed.
Buster: What do you mean?
Arthur: Uh, nothing. So... where should I sit?    
There are several piles of dirty laundry.
Buster: Arthur, my friend, sit anywhere you like.
Arthur: Um... Okay, thanks.     
He wants to put a pile in a basket. Buster grabs a piece of pizza.
Buster: Hey, Study Buddy, please don't move any of the clothes. That pile is for clothes I've just worn once, and that pile is for clothes I've worn twice.        
He gestures to a pile on the upper bed.
Arthur: What's that pile?         
There is a large pile by the door emanating green vapors.
Buster: Thirty days straight and still wearable. See? There's a system to it!
Buster takes a bite of a pepper while Arthur sits on the bed with a binder.
Arthur: Hey, Study Buddy, maybe we could take a snack break later.
Buster: I'm preparing for the Geography test. I've got a different vegetable for every country in the UN. I nibble them into the correct shape. This onion is Oman, the pepper is Peru and that radish is Romania. There's a system to it!
A thought bubble of Muffy appears over Arthur’s head.
Muffy (in bubble): 75% percent of friends who work together, don't stay together.
The bubble disappears.
~~~
The next day, Arthur rings the Baxters’ doorbell. Mrs. Baxter opens.
Arthur: Hi, Mrs. Baxter. I know Buster's still at his Alien Invasion Defense Club, but would you mind if I waited for him in his room?
~~~
Arthur goes into Buster’s empty room. He puts the various clothes piles in a laundry basket. Then he throws the old food in a plastic bag.
~~~
Later, Buster returns wearing a tinfoil hat.
Buster: Hey, Arthur, did you know tinfoil can block mind control rays?     
He notices the room and looks shocked.      
Buster: What did you do?
Arthur: I got here a little early, so I thought I'd help you organize.
Buster: But I am organized. I have a system.
Arthur: Well, yes, but I'm giving you a better system. Look! I even found another chair.
Buster: Hh! Where's my United Nations of vegetation?
Arthur: It was all rotting, so I made you this instead.       
He holds a map.
Buster: A map?! Who studies for a Geography test with a map?!     
He runs to his food cabinet.    
Buster: Hh! What happened to the doughnut from my Cabinet of Curiosities?
Arthur: I… thought it was Denmark.
A thought bubble of Muffy appears over Buster’s head.
Muffy (in bubble): This is so not going to go well.
The bubble disappears.
Buster: Thank you for your help.    He does not look like he means it.
Arthur: You're welcome.
~~~
A while later, Arthur and Buster sit at Buster’s desk.
Arthur: I think you're going to find we're both much more productive this way. Two heads are better than one.       
He takes off his glasses and wipes them noisily (to Buster) with a tissue.
Buster: (sighs)
Arthur: (blows on glasses)
Buster: A-hê…
Arthur does math problems.
Arthur: Done. Done.
Buster: Arr…
Arthur: Done. Done.
Buster: Arthur?
Arthur: Yes?
Buster: Do you have to say that every time you finish a math problem?
Arthur: Say what?
Buster: Done!
Arthur: I'm not saying that.
Buster: Yes, you are.
Arthur: No, I'm not.       
One of Buster’s eyelids twitches.
Buster: Okay... Must be my mistake, old buddy.     
He gives a slightly insane smile.
Arthur: (sniffs)       
The smell comes from old vegetables in the trash can. Arthur uses room spray.
Buster: (coughs)
~~~
Mrs. Read meets Mrs. Baxter at the mall.
Mrs. Read: Oh, hi, Bitzi. It's so nice of Buster to host Arthur while we're fixing the roof. Are the boys having a fun time together?
Mrs. Baxter: Fun? It's more that like that old TV sitcom.
A fantasy shows Arthur coming out of the Read house wearing a coat and holding two suitcases. His mom hands him a pencil which he takes in his mouth.
Narrator: On November 13th, Arthur Read was asked to leave his own bedroom. That request came from his mother.
Arthur rings the Baxter’s doorbell. Buster opens in a dirty shirt holding a half-eaten donut.
Narrator: With nowhere else to go, he appeared at the house of his friend Buster. Can two best friends study in a room together without driving each other crazy?
Buster drops the donut and offers to shake Arthur’s hand. Arthur picks up the donut with the pencil.
The fantasy ends.
Mr. Read: Oh, dear. Well, they'll work it out somehow.
~~~
Arthur opens the door to Buster’s room with difficulty. Buster is eating a carrot at his desk.
Arthur: Phew!
Buster: How long can one person spend in a bathroom?
Arthur: How many old toothbrushes can one kid keep? I organized them for you.   He steps in something.   Oo!
Buster: Watch out! You just stepped on Rhubarb-bados!
Arthur: Sorry! I mistook it for garbage!     
He throws it to the side. Buster throws it back at him.    
Arthur: Hh!
~~~
Arthur squeakily cleans his glasses.
Arthur: (huffs)
Buster: (mimics huffing)
Arthur: What are you doing?
Buster: I can't stand you cleaning your glasses one more time! They're clean! They're clean already!
Arthur: How would you know? You're the biggest slob I've ever seen!
Buster: Well, you're the biggest neat freak I've ever seen!
Arthur: I was just trying to help you!
Buster: Help me? I've been wearing the same underwear for two weeks because I cant find where you put anything!
Arthur: Maybe we should stop studying together.
Buster: Maybe I'll just leave.
Arthur: But this is your room!
Buster: Stop telling me what to do!       
He leaves the room.
~~~ 
A while later, Buster stands in the Crosswire’s living room. Muffy and Francine sit on a sofa.
Muffy: I warned you. You have to be really mature to live and work together. That's what Francine and I learned when I had to stay with her.
Francine: Had to? You mean, you got to stay with me.
Buster: Okay, but how did you get Muffy to stop cleaning your room?
The girls are ignoring him.
Muffy: You were lucky to have me!
Francine: You were lucky to we didn't throw you out, Miss Fancy Pants.
Muffy: You didn't seem to mind...        
The door slams. Buster is gone.
~~~
Meanwhile, Arthur does his homework in Buster’s room. Mrs. Baxter comes in.
Mrs. Baxter: Anybody up for a delicious snack of spaghetti marshmallow balls?
Arthur: Oh, hello, Mrs. Baxter. I'm afraid Buster and I aren't friends any more.   
Mrs. Baxter looks shocked.
~~~
In D.W.’s room, D.W. swings an office chair around. She is stroking toy rabbit Blofeld-style.
D.W.: I knew you'd come to me eventually. So, what's Arthur doing? Bossing you around? Hogging the remote? Not letting you braid his hair?
Buster: Um, no... It's more that he keeps cleaning his glasses in this really nasally way. Like this...   (mimics huffing)
D.W.: Know what to do? Hide his glasses in your room!
Buster: But he's in my room.
D.W.: Then you've got a problem.
Buster: Oh, you're right. Hey, maybe I could study here with you.
D.W.: Mom! Buster's looking at me!         
Buster leaves.
~~~
A short while later, Arthur and Mrs. Baxter are eating spaghetti in Buster’s room.
Mrs. Baxter: Sometimes, working together makes people's habits seem worse than they are. But if Buster wasn't who he was, we'd never have spaghetti marshmallow balls.
Arthur: They are surprisingly good.
Buster comes in looking down.
Buster: (sighs)     
Mrs. Baxter: You'll find a way it work it out.    Oops! I almost stepped on the Nether-yams!    She hands it to Buster and leaves.
Arthur: I'm… er… sorry I cleaned my glasses too loudly around you.
Buster: Sorry I threw a vegetable country at you.
Arthur: You know, your dirty clothes system is kind of ingenious. It saves on water.
Buster: And you might have an okay idea there, with that whole map thing.
Arthur: Where is my map? It's not on the wall any more.
Buster: The desk was rocking, so I folded it up and put it under one of the legs.
Arthur: What?! Do you know how hard I worked on that?!
Buster: Do you know how hard I worked on Spain-ich?!
Arthur: That's it! I'm out of here!
Buster: Good riddance!
Arthur goes to the door. The doorknob comes off in his hand.
Arthur: Hh!
Mrs. Baxter is putting away the dishes in the kitchen.
Arthur+Buster: Help! Let us out!
Mrs. Baxter runs and tries to open the door.
Mrs. Baxter: Oh my! I cant seem to open the door. Stay clam. I'll call for help right away.
~~~
A short while later, Arthur and Buster sit side by side on the floor leaning against the door. They try to avoid each other’s eye.
Buster: I, erm... found this board game, Monster Surgery, in my closet after you, er, organized it. Do you wanna play?
Mrs. Baxter comes up the stairs with tools.
Arthur: You better watch out, Buster, I've got you by the ears!
Buster: I'm ripping out all five of your livers!  Haha!
Bitzi breaks open the door looking panicky.
Mrs. Baxter: Oof!       
The boys look up from their game.
Buster: Oh, hi, Mom. What's up?
~~~ 
The next evening it is raining. A split screen shows Arthur and Buster at their desks with their homework.
Arthur: Can you believe how much homework Mr. Ratburn gave us tonight?
Buster: Yeah! Why don't you come over... after you've finished it?
Arthur+Buster: (laugh)
Category:Transcripts
Category:Season 17 transcripts