nyuuzyou/wikis huggingface dataset:
Catsturbating

Catsturbating is an effective way of preparing your cat for a huff. It increases the huffablitity of the cat, and also makes huffing a safer, more efficient practice. The technique works by weakening the cat's inhibitions, therefore making it more pleasurable for both parties.
== Preparation ==
 
The way most people prepare for catsturbation is by acquiring a cat that is willing to proceed. If the cat is not willing, the catsturbation won't be as effective. There is one known method that works the best way. Always remember to feed the cat before catsturbation in order to slow it down and make it sleepy.
==How To Catsturbate==
Here is a step by step process of how to catsturbate with a cat:
# Get a wanking cat teet.
# Lay him down gently and caress its anushka. 
# Set your hand on his side.
# Move your hand back and forth along the cat's torso. By this point, your cat will be stretching out and allowing you to access the soft underside.
# Continue this process, increasing speed as you go on.
# After about thirty seconds to a minute, stop. By now the cat has probably reached catgasm. However, it is difficult to determine if it has, so be cautious.
You should not over-catsturbate the cat, as it may damage its huffability. After the catgasm, the cat may leak fluid from the opening in it's head, which some may call a mouth. This fluid, if it comes into contact with a dog, may create a substance known as "Cocaine".
A video of Catsturbation.
<youtube>CgA7cuhWEms</youtube>
==Effects of Catsturbation==
The cat will now be ready for huffing. Have caution, as the orange ones (which fuck you up REAL good) may still be toxic to huff, in which case you may need a series of tubes. You may find your palms are have become hairy, this is only the cats fur which has been shed in the excitement. You may also find yourself seeing giant Al Gores cornholing a bunny rabbit, which may be the effect of "╬". Maybe next time you'll keep Fido out of the room.
Catsturbating dates back to the early 15th century when a young man by the name of Jake Berenson chanced upon a band of kittens ripe for the huffing. They had just escaped from the nursery and still had that new cat smell. He began to huff them. After a little while, he became convinced that plain old kitten huffing just wasn't doing it for him anymore, and he became depressed. He was sitting down contemplating this dilemma as a young, nubile cat ventured into the region of his lap. Without thinking, he began scratching the cat's stomach. "Aha!" he exclaimed and began huffing the kittens. Not only did he find it safer and easier, but he found the effects of the huffing had greatly increased. Catsturbating has been a pivotal part of the process ever since it was championed in Fangoria, the first magazine for the average kitten huffer.
== Catsturbating the Non-Huffable Kitten ==
You poor, poor soul.
Category:Kitten Huffing
Cattle prod

The cattle prod was one of the great inventions of the 17th century. It was invented by the great Michael Jackson,
as he would taze the little children before molesting them, and was made famous by The Original Jamz in their song "Everyone Wants to be Proded". It's major function was to gently kill the cattle while they were being molested by the over eager cowboys who slept with them each night. A cattle prod is usually made of swiss cheese. A single prod has a life of about 30 prods in the summer, and 60 prods during the winter. To find the exact amount of prods you can make with your cattle proder, simply check the nutritional facts on the package you buy it in. You can also use this formula to find the exact number of prods:
 
\frac{cheese}{\;\frac{month\,x\,model\,number}{amount\,of\,rotations\,of\,the\,Earth\,since\,1933}\;}
Originally, Michael Jackson intended for cattle prods to be used for the herding of livestock. After Thomas Moonshine invented the alcohol still and popularized the consumption of moonshine, people in rural areas discovered the recreational uses of the cattle prod. Soon rednecks and slack-jawed yokels everywhere were giving electric jolts on the ass to one another, after long sessions of cow tipping and urinating on electrified fences.
== How to use a Cattle Prodder ==
The proper use of a cattle prodder depends on what model you have, but tha basic concept is the same. Write a letter to the companie that it was made in, then fold it neatly into a triangle and shove it up your ass, Finally, do whatever your mind tells you to do with it.
Warning: Use of cattle prod will most likely result in wild, crazy sex with farm animals, little children, dead animals, and even your cousin, painful bruises/burns the next day, a free trip to jail, or all of the above.
i also like having sex with little boys and so will you some day
==Also see==
*Tazer
Category:Bovines
Category:Farming
Category:Cheese
Catullus

Gaius Valerius Cathullhus was a famous Roman poet, writer and twink, as well as the incarnation of Cthulhu on the Roman Empire. 
== Life ==
It all started back in 84 BC, when Cthulhu decided it was time to wake up and send hell on Earth. However, in order to do so, he first needed to send a vessel to spread the word of the upcoming apocalypse. And so, Cathullhus was born.
Gāius Valerius Cathullhus was born to a leading equestrian family of Verona, which had the birth of their upcoming baby revealed in a dream. The first thing the town of Verona noticed was Cathullhus' strange octopus-like mouth, to which was first attributed as a blessing from the god Neptune.
Cathullhus was a very well known poet and socialite, as well as a sexual freedom icon. He haved a life full of sex, fun, intrigues and rivalry, specially with his enemy and famed lawyer Cicero. 
== Poetry ==
Cathullhus was quite prolific as a poet, and had most of its works compiled in the book that would later be known as the Necronomicon. Sadly, its authorship was lost to time, being mistakenly attributed to an arab known as "Abdul Alhazred". 
== Other works==
Aside from his poetry, Cathullhus wrote some comedies that there were revealed only in modern times. These are his presumated comedies:
*Prometheus and the Sirens, epic poem
*The Carneadians, drama in five acts
*The Least Members: satyr drama
== Death ==
Cathullhus died as what he loved to do, loving what the hell he wanted to kiss and fuck.
Category:Poetry
Category:Gays
Category:Puns
Category:Romans
Category:Cthulhu
Cavalry

The word "cavalry" refers to two distinctive species of homosapiens - one fictitious and the other real. 
==The fictitious cavalry==
Fictitious cavalry (or more commonly known as "princes on white horse") are characters found in most child readers, urban legends and chick flicks. Although often perceived as a real species, especially by some females, fictitious cavalry are in fact nonexistent in Earth's biosphere. The first records of fictitious cavalry were found in Plato's works Critias and Timaeus, where they were described as the National Guards of the state of Atlantis.
According to legends, some fictitious cavalry fled their homeland as it submerged in the Great Billy Ocean. These refugees, who supposedly survived the disaster, were scattered abroad in all continents. Although they look much like a species of homosexuals known as "males", there are several characteristics unique to fictitious cavalry:
#They all possess several university/college degrees,
#They accept all the uses and abuses from females,
#They enjoy sunsets and long walks on the beach,
#Their individual wealth amounts to several high numbers,
#They are generally well reputed by magazines such as Time (Persons of the Year/Century/etc.), and last but not least;
#They are all handsome dudes with good taste in everything.
Curiously, the legends of cavalry are in fact more popular in Asian communities than in other societies. See Asian People.
Oh yeah, if you manage to encounter such, pray for deliverance just stand IN FRONT. Their weapons won't reach over their steeds' heads, thus they can only hit you from their side. Side-attacking horse-humping FAGS!!!
==The real cavalry==
The real cavalry are males in camouflage. Contrary to popular beliefs, the real cavalry do not ride horses. In fact, recent researches have revealed that most cavalrymen do not even know how to ride a horse. Instead, they travel by an avian known as "black hawk", and they hum the tune of Richard Wagner's Ride of the Valkyries as they lay waste along their paths. They are also known to huff napalm as they surf in beaches, flick through TV channels, build furniture from IKEA-supplied kits and watch Saturday football. These are the people that improve articles on the Pee Review.
Francis Ford Coppola has a documentary on the general habits of the real cavalry. See trailer.
==Some famous cavalrymen==
*Napoleon Dynamite
*Tom Cruise
==Not to be confused with, or pronounced as==
*Calvary
Category:Military organization
Caviar

Caviar is a term used for a canned fish eggs. The term means essentially the same thing as "how can you eat that disgusting stuff?" For information on conventional crap, please see crap.
Most people think of fish eggs when they think of caviar but its obvious that it is in fact rabbit pellets. Yes, you see freshly collected rabbit crap is caviar. Then when they dry it up it becomes raisins. The best kind of caviar comes from albino rabbits.
Canned fish eggs are generally made using a simplified adaptation of the process used to mass-produce other meat products. Parts of fish, such as scales, bones, and intestines, oh and the eggs too, are ground finely and mixed with salt and spices, especially arsenic, and formed into a batter, which is poured on the floor and left to rot. After a good rain, the remains are scraped up, cooked, chopped into tiny balls, and placed into tins or jars, and, with broth or brains added, processed the same as other canned goods. They also figure into the diet of many in the US.
Caviar is also the official currency of the Russian Mafia. This is subject to change, as Microsoft is planning to buy out the Russian Mafia in the near future.
 
==Caviar and Religion==
One day the Russian mafia decided that control of all of Russia wasn't enough, and that control of religion was the new "hot thing" besides beating hookers up, killing people while drunk on vodka, and saying funny words like kavorka. So they decided to set up tons of Russian Mafia priests, who shot people who failed to pay their protection into the donation plates. Unfortunately, God felt the need to intervene, and turned the priests insane, telling them that it was their divine mission to create the caviar fish, where fish would be born into caviar and never need any ingrediants to transform them. Their mission was deemed a success and for their insanity the Russian capos decided to kill them all by shoving them into caviar containers and flavoring the with vodka. Unfortunately, these creatures only come out every two days from their underground burrows. At this time the people of Russia stick three cans of caviar in their shoes because the curious creatures like to bite peoples' shoes, but if theres caviar, they will be distracted.
"Once a cavian, Always a cavian." ~Polinormel Hib
Ceiling

The ceiling is where we all go to eventually. It's not a very interesting place, but it does have some landmarks. Unlike the Floor, the ceiling does not obey the laws of physics and thus stays above your head. Scientists have deduced that this links ceilings to snowballs, which also don't fall until they hit your nose. It is hypothesized by lead scientists that the ceiling will eventually hit your nose too. 
== Landmarks of ceiling ==
Ceiling is a fairly bland place, much like its bland Asbestos-based lifeforms. However some do exist.
The primary landmark of ceiling is lamp. The lamp is the largest light source of ceiling and many bugs gather there when you're sleeping.
A secondary landmark is the spider-hole. You know, 'the den'. Spiders don't talk to you? Weird. I suggest you purchase a plastic spider-man toy to be cooler.
Finally, there is the cheese shop. There's not much to say about it but they sell some fine cheese. Cheese... cheese... cheeeeeeese.....
== The life of ceiling ==
As said, the lifeforms of ceiling are made up of asbestos. Some celebrities include Bugs Bunny and Oliver Twist.
Asbestos Sloths are particularly interesting. They are largely dependent of the fruitcake plant to survive but appear to be able to digest cheese and similar foodstuffs. They are slow but capable creatures, clocked at tops speeds faster than the gym teacher's grandmother. 
Plant life on the ceiling is scarce. If you are vegetarian, you should consume any fruitcake plants or granola that you see (the latter being very nutritious and tasty, albeit criticized for its large quantities of totally normal meatloaf. If you are carnivorous, have fun dying because there is no meat here. Except in the granola.
== Ceiling hierarchy ==
cousin went to toilet so I Jimmy shall tell you the hiraky is mainly corrupt and contains highly bribed officials capable of committing horrible atrocit
Sorry, that was my little cousin. Ahem.
The glorious regime of ceiling allows no crime and absolutely annihilates all opponents to peace and unity. Like the Soviet Union (although it is the polar opposite of Soviet Republics) it has no corruption and all of its people are content and happy (except you but they don't care). I won't delve any further. Jimmy stop trying to take the keyboard wait what why have you got a 
The regime is false. Join the floor. There will be no outliers. The floor is superior.
-Jimmy
Category:Buildings
Category:Heaven
Category:Death
Celebrity Advice/Answer 1

Dear Confused,
Can marriage work out second time around? Someone once said "She loves you, and you know you should be glad", it was probably John - he wrote all the best lines. Personally I'd go for "All you need is a water-tight pre-nup", but maybe I'm just old and bitter.
Anyway, if the lady has an odd number of limbs she's probably a blonde bitch with a hole in her bank account that needs filling. But don't let that put you off entirely. I'm getting re-married for the second time and you'd do worse than following my example. Find a rich American heiress, that seemed to work out pretty well last time. Don't marry a British amputee whatever you do - better to leave them sitting outside Marks And Spencer selling Big Issue.
Love & Peace
Macca
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Category:Celebrity Advice
Celebrity Advice/Answer 10

Dear Stavros,
I know just where you’re coming from. Fortunately, I’ve found I can get all the attention I need hanging round the Gents' toilets in LA, or taking the dog for a walk on Hampstead Heath when I’m back in London. Better still, all it costs me is sore knees and a couple quid for the parking meter – that’s if I haven’t parked my car in the front window of Happy Snaps again.
Anyhow, give it a go and see how you get on. The boys will be sure to give you a warm welcome. 
Mean time, I’ve got to go now – Andrew Ridgeley’s coming round to play me his new album and I’ll need to be righteously off my face on Dutch Skunk before that happens!
αντίο
George
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Category:Celebrity Advice
Celebrity Advice/Answer 11

Dear Gazza,
Call that a fucking drink problem? If you’ve never been arrested for pissing on a national fucking monument or biting the head off an endangered fucking species you’re not even close, man. I can’t remember what I did when I was still drinking and it’s just as fucking well, I can tell you. There’s film of me lying naked in a pool of my own vomit with a fucking carrot up my arse! Christ knows what I thought I was doing that night but they still keep inviting me back to the Grammies.
If you really do want to stop drinking though, you can’t do better than prescription-only pain-killers. Honestly, when I was on those Happy Pills all sorts of good things happened to me while I was too fucking stoned to notice. I used to be married to this fat tart but she pissed off and got replaced with a younger one with bigger tits who was 150 pounds lighter! And she was called Sharon too, so no embarrassing mistakes in the middle of giving her one. Brilliant!
As for the screaming shit-machines – they’ll grow up one day and then you’ll have a pair of lovely, screaming shit-machines with their own TV shows like mine.
Rock 'n Roll!
Dr Ozzy
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Category:Celebrity Advice
Celebrity Advice/Answer 12

Dear Tony,
I had a problem just like yours a few years back. One of my neighbors - let's call him Hassam Suddein was driving me nuts! I don't even know why, he didn't do nothing to me directly but every time I saw his grinning face all I could think off was raining death from above down on him, and maybe some of his other neighbors. I mean, he used to blow his mouth off a bit, and one time he knocked over the fence between his yard and another neighbor. Then he took over that neighbor's house for a while and stayed there 'til the community rallied round and kicked him out. He didn't really bother nobody after that but I just couldn't let it lie - I kept trying to get the cops to arrest him but they weren't interested, so I hacked his emails, cancelled all his credit cards and sat outside his house threatening to blow up any delivery-van that tried to take food into his house. But he just stopped feeding his kids. I started feeling kinda guilty when his mother died 'cause I wouldn't let the ambulance up his driveway to help.
Anyhow, someone (I forget who, I reckon it could have been Dick Cheney) said Hassam had a gun in there. So I just kicked his door down and tore the place up looking for it. I didn't find nothing but his family was delighted to see me at first - till they started fighting over the TV remote. I didn't find Hassam for over a year neither. Turned out he was hiding under the bed all along.
If you want my advice, try to ignore your neighbor or, if you can't, move. I invested so much energy in getting rid of mine that I lost my job. And now, without Oprah, my days would be completely empty. 
Y'all write back now.
W
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Category:Celebrity Advice
Celebrity Advice/Answer 2

Dear Disturbed in Denver,
Who are we to say what's a good thing or a bad thing? I say if God's telling you to do it than it has to be good. Just remember, God doesn't tell us to kill strangers, He tells us to convince our "Family" to kill them on our behalf. God's smart - He doesn't want His most trusted lieutenants in the electric chair, He wants them out there sending sinners to plead for His forgiveness.
So get back to your commune and preach to your followers about cleansing the Good Lord's Earth - there are far too many actresses in the world any how, and they're all whores. And didn't Jesus consort with Mary Magdelene? He obviously loves whores! Which is why He wants you too have their throats slit from ear to ear so He can meet them sooner. And that's gotta be a good thing, man, it says so in the Bible!
Helter Skelter
Charlie
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Category:Celebrity Advice
Celebrity Advice/Answer 3

Dear Gordon,
I’d say Laos is the place to go. A lot of people will try to steer you towards Thailand but the place is over-run with tourists and the kids are getting wise. Some of them will charge you twenty baht for a hand-job. It’s a bloody disgrace.
You could try Vietnam, it’s easier to get to and there are plenty of hot-looking eight year olds. But you forget to pay off just one cop and then see what happens.
Rock ‘n Roll
Gary
----
Dear Gordon,
Ignore that sad old perv. If you love children the way I love children (in between touring and recording schedules and while my personal documentary crew are available) I can’t recommend adopting enough. 
I got a couple from Malawi last year. They’re great - they don't eat much and they match the wallpaper in my London apartment. We keep the Chinese ones in LA, they just seem to go with the furniture better there.
Vogue,
Madge
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Category:Celebrity Advice
Celebrity Advice/Answer 4

Dear Oliver,
There’s nothing worse than having your talent ignored, is there. Take my advice – turn up at work wearing a dress made from those monk fish and a necklace of carved carrots, totter about on eleven inch heels for a while and tell everyone you’re a genius. Don't worry if you can't walk on the heels properly - falling off them will probably get you noticed even more and, if you can fish a couple of spider-crabs out of the freezer for ear-rings, so much the better.
If that doesn’t get their attention, try pretending not to be a man by sticking your penis between your buttocks with duct tape and adopting a weird voice.
Worked for me!
Gaga
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Category:Celebrity Advice
Celebrity Advice/Answer 5

Salut,
You are not alone in this, mon ami. We ‘igh-flying financiers need the attention of the fairer sex to allow us to keep the wheels of global commerce turning. I find employing only attractive lady "accountants" between the age of 16 and 24 allows me as much ‘anky-panky as I need during working hours, and between all six of them they ‘ave as many fingers as required to add the number of billions of dollars Greece owes to the bookies.
As for getting lonely out of hours? Bof! Why do you suppose your posh ‘otels employ so many sexy girls, make them wear that saucy uniform and keep sending them to your room every morning asking if you need clean sheets? You think she paints ‘er fingernails like that to scrub your toilet? Mais, non! She wishes to rub them down your spine while you are “giving ‘er the benefit of your expertise”.
Alors! Je dois partir immédiatement. Les gendarmes sont arrivés
Dominique Strauss-Kahn
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Category:Celebrity Advice
Celebrity Advice/Answer 6

Dear R.W.,
Hmm, it’s never easy, is it? If you were Catholic you could just be creative with the penances you gave to your younger, prettier sinners. Since you seem to be an Anglican there’s unlikely to be much on offer from your congregation unless choirboys or old ladies in hats get you going. Not that being a clergyman is all bad. My character in Hawaii 5 0 went undercover as a priest once and I still fondly remember how easy it was to pull up the vestments and slip one to the make-up girl. Good times! If only I'd been sober....
Not being Catholic, maybe your best bet is following my example and marrying a woman 40 years younger than you. I find I’m getting all the sex my withered husk can handle without having to leave home. Plus, Catherine still finds time to go out and earn enough to keep me in Jack Daniels and Viagra. 
Perhaps a trip to South Wales would help? You can barely throw-up round the back of a Swansea nightclub without splashing vomit on the legs of some willing slapper with even lower standards than a California girl! 
Happy hunting,
Michael Douglas.
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Category:Celebrity Advice
Celebrity Advice/Answer 7

Dear Space-girl
I’m with you on this one – what’s the point of being gossiped about by the good folks of Middlesboro' when, with just a little bit more effort, you could have the whole world talking about you?
If you want my advice, cut down on the Bacardi Breezers - they’ll make you fat! Cocaine is calorie-free and gives you enough pep to suck cock all night long. Film it, post it on YouTube and – hey presto! – you’re a global sensation. Once they’re talking about you in Dar-es-Salaam you can get paid to be a tramp anywhere. It’s like making a job outta your hobby! 
And the great thing is, when you're famous you can barely stop people giving you coke! It's like a White Christmas everyday. Just remember though, it isn't your mission in life to rid the Earth of cocaine, He only gave you two nostrils. So invite me round to help out, I'll bring Charlie Sheen - he isn't called Charlie for nothing.
Hope things work out as well for you as they did for me,
Your BFF,
Paris
 
-xXx-
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Category:Celebrity Advice