nyuuzyou/wikis huggingface dataset:
I Went to the Forest to Meditate but Encountered a Gigantic Wise and Ancient Dildo Instead

Hi everyone haha. So, basically like the title says: I went to the forest the other day to meditate, but instead I encountered an ancient dildo-sage, who imparted wisdom on me. Because it was wise.
I know you're reading this and thinking, "wow, why would he go into the forest to meditate?" I mean, that's gotta be your biggest question right? Well life kind of has been biting me in the ass (kinky lmfao) and I wanted to get some fresh air and ticks and maybe get attacked by a cicada.
So there I was, meditating in the forest, ohm-ing the shit out of things when suddenly I heard this deep booming voice say, "What are you doing, my child?" I whirled around looking for the source of the voice. Everything in the forest went completely silent and I was a little weirded out. I was completely sober so I knew I wasn't hallucinating.
"Who's there?" I asked.
"Over here." The voice came from everywhere and nowhere. But I finally noticed the giant black dildo suction cupped to a tree? Could that be the source of the voice? It was almost two feet long and about as thick as a really thick roll of bread.
"Why have you chosen my forest to meditate?" the dildo asked.
"I just... needed a break, s-sir. Wanted to clear my mind."
"Dear boy," the dildo said as it un-suctioned itself from the tree. "You don't need leaves and the great outdoors to clear your mind." Then it suctioned itself to my face and I started screaming and the birds started chirping and the cicadas started buzzing. "I can succ your brain out of your ear instead."
"But this is my forehead," I told it in a whisper. I was shaking like a leaf going through withdrawals.
"Do you think I have eyes?" the dildo asked. "If I did, I would have ended my own life thousands of years ago. All of the things I've been in. The horrors I've seen. I have a better plan."
"What is it?"
"I will transfer my powers to you, and you shall become the next great dildo monk."
I thought about it for a moment. "Can I document this?" I asked. I tried to sound smart. And of course, 'document' means to post here on Reddit.
"Indeed. I know this way of life is not for everyone. I expect you to think or pray about it first, boy."
I nodded and began typing this out. I'm going to ask my parents what they think. I have nothing to lose, honestly. So, what do you guys think? Should I leave this pathetic human vessel and become a wise giant dildo? Or go back to my lonely life as a pathetic human vessel?
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:LONG ASS TITLE
Category:DIALOGUE!
Category:Title that makes babbies laugh
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep
I Win

"My name is Roger, and I am crazy." I say into the microphone of my headphones.
"I'm so crazy, crazy good at this game!" I say bragging like we high schoolers do when we play games online.
As I played, it grew later and later until I glanced at the clock and it read 3 A.M. "Shit!" I said hatefully turning my T.V. and PlayStation off.
I hit the hay and hoped that school would be delayed tomorrow by a fog or anything else. I drifted into sleep, but as soon as I closed my eyes my T.V. turned on. I got up and turned it off. "No big deal." I thought. I got back to my bed and the t.v. came on again. This time my PlayStation was also on, but the screen was static.
I sluggishly moved back over to the T.V. and reached for the power button. The speakers let out a deafening screech and I hit the deck. Then out of nowhere it stopped, but when I looked up the screen had changed. It read "The Game.", and under it was no companies only and eerie red mist and the press start prompt. I didn't want to play, but i felt strange, like I was supposed to.
I grabbed the controller and hit start. It took a minute but the game ran through a cinematic. The cinematic shown me a row of warriors and an empty spot. As it reached the spot I heard "Welcome to The Game." I waited for a character selection screen to appear, but nothing happened it just stayed at the same screen.
I got frustrated and went back to bed. "To hell with this shit." I yelled, but as soon as I turned around I hear "Roger." I wasn't like I was being called though it was more like it was being announced, then I hear, "Versus Grimiore."
I spun around to see what was going on. To my horror I see a man with a ripped of face and exposed heart standing in front of me. I heard "3,2,1, Massacre!" and prepared for the worst.
He came at me with a meat hook and farming sickle. I ran to the door and grabbed the handle. Sadly It was stuck almost as if it were locked from the other side. So I ran around my room looking for a weapon, but he was wise to this and swung at me with every intention of splattering my all over the place.
A quick trip around the room decided my fate. I had nothing no weapons and no hope of winning. His body covered in scars and muscles so a physical struggle was out of question. As he came at me I dodged and dodged until he finally hit. His meat hook went into my leg and as soon as it hit my bone he ripped it out tearing my leg almost completely off.
I screamed and watched him prepare another strike, but then I remembered his heart was exposed. I got up and grabbed it. He looked at me growled. I ripped it out and hit the ground hard. He grabbed his chest and laughed. "That's just for show." He said devilishly. With that he took one final look at me and swung his sickle. "Game over,"
He said, "I win."
Category:Deletion Log Refugees
Category:Bad Creepypasta
Category:Vidya games
Category:Beings
Category:Pointless Violence
Category:Well, that was pointless.
Category:Old Shit
I Wore Your Skin

Hi. Guys. Do you know about stories? Stories that'll make you think twice? Well, I saw a guy in my mirror. His name was Mark.
He watched me. In the mirror, I saw him. A flash of light hurt my beautiful red eyes. I knew he was feeding upon my very fears and insecurities. But how was he doing that?
He smiled. He titled his back. His eyes rolled into his head. His face turned white. His cheeks shuddered. He couldn't stop me.
The next thing I know, I was in the bathroom. Fully naked. No actually. My cock was hanging out. I felt like I was about to be violated by Mark. The guy in my mirror.
He slowly pulled off his hair. Strand after strand. He roared a mighty and kinda weird laugh that sounded like a hamster trying to pilot a aeroplane in the Czech Republic.
Look, that sounds specific. Right? That's because. T-that's. T-t-that's because. That's because it was specific. Right?
I saw my son. Busting a nut in the foggy shower of pain. He disappeared. Whoosh! Gone. Where did he go tho? That's what I wanna know!
I didn't mean to rhyme. Heh. It was just. Uhh. Umm. Hmm. A bad. A bad habit. Yes. Just a bad habit.
I heard a scream. It sounded like screaming. Then, I screamed along. Thinking it was a new song by Korn for some reason. Twist started to play. Mark in the mirror started to mouth the words. This was, off. And it was horrible, too.
I heard Mark. He said. One Thing. It brought me to hell. In one single sentence. Yeah. This is what he said.
'I wore your skin.'
I was scared. Shocked. Or maybe just blind? But. This was creepy. Now you know. But oh yeah, one more thing to mention.
Before I went to sleep, I saw my mirror. Hanging. Cracking. Slowly starting to swing. Side to side. Something wasn't right. I heard a voice deep within my very ear before I went to sleep. I noticed that I had NO SKIN!!!!111 I was shocked. This is what the voice said.
'I wore your skin.'
I was woken up by that. I didn't feel like falling back asleep. I saw Mark. He was standing at the foot of my very bed. He started to walk closer. Twitching. He said something else.
'WAS THAT THE BITE OF '87?!!'
I realised. It. Was. Markipiler?! Then he pulled me by the neck. He threw me around like a ragdoll. He spat on my shoes and he shat on my newly-decorated paintings of Bill Cosby.
Then, Mark approached. He was getting closer. And closer. And closer. And closer... And then BONK! He whacked me with a baseball bat. Blood and puss was all over the ground. My vision was blurry. The next thing, I knew, I woke up in a hospitial. The doctor was. JacksepticEye?! The other doctor was Mark. Mark said one last terrifying thing.
'I wore your skin.'
The next thing I knew, I was in a extremely deep sleep.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Pointless Violence
Category:WHAT A TWIST!
Category:English Class Failure
I Wore a Mask at Target Today

I wore a mask at Target today. Three of my lungs collapsed as I got carbon monoxide poisoning from breathing in my own bacteria. A brave patriot wearing an Affliction shirt, a MAGA hat, and sweet wrap around sunglasses saved me by giving me CPR. I thanked him and asked if he was a doctor and he said "who needs doctors when we have our fellow Americans, the ones who are here legally I mean." I hugged him and threw my mask on the ground. The Star Spangled Banner played on the speaker system as everyone in the store ripped off their masks and threw them on the ground, chanting "down with communism!" God, Jesus, and all the angels looked down upon us from Heaven and clapped.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Copypasta
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Memes
Category:Shortpasta
I am Falling in Reverse in reverse

Hello, I am a big fan of post-hardcore and metalcore. I like a lot of the well known stuff, like Atreyu, Killswitch Engage or Bullet for My Valentine, but I can appreciate some of the more obscure acts like 36 Crazyfists or Chimaira. 
So one day, I went to an Atreyu concert with Falling in Reverse opening for them. "I've never heard of them, but I'll give them a chance", I thought to myself. Then the concert started, I shouldn't have given them a chance.
Their music was so frighteningly bad, with lyrics so bad they make Limp Bizkit seem like a serious band and terrible rapping segments reminiscent of the aforementioned Limp Bizkit, only way worse. It was so bad that when I returned to the concert (Atreyu was pretty good though, love em'), I had nightmares about it. 
Every night, I dream about being Ronnie Radke's wife only for him to start beating the everloving shit out of me only for me to wake up and realize it was just a bad dream.
I am Falling in Reverse... only in reverse this time
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Music
Category:Dreams
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Shortpasta
I am Fred

Yes. I am the infamous Fred Durst, the frontman of Limp Bizkit. It is true that I have a raging contagious form of HIV, however, I am only a carrier and therefor do not exhibit any symptoms. I am also a former devil who was recruited by God himself to rid the world of all evil. He specifically ordered me to form Limp Bizkit, as he knew that Limp Bizkit haters are ontologically evil. 
However, Limp Bizkit fans can also be ontologically evil, many of them also being devils in disguise. Especially those from Johnstown, PA, as that town is infested by Devil's minions. 
I am responsible for killing numerous people from Johnstown, PA, including Michael. God commanded me to tour in Johnstown, PA and to infect the audience with my form of HIV. 
Please do not see me as a monster, I am far from one. I have actually done many good deeds, the incident being one. Johnstown residents are actually controlled by an extremely evil hivemind that makes the Devil shiver in fear, and they were planning a takeover of the entire world. 
After the incident, I have managed to slowly but surely infect everyone in Johnstown and kill off the entire population, essentially making it a ghost town.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Music
Category:Ghoooosts
Category:Well, that was pointless.
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Shortpasta
I am Herobrine

I am Herobrine. I am not a hacker. After I heard about this so-called Herobrine I made an account. The day I made the account there were posts all over saying people had met "me". I am not sure how this is possible as I normally just stay in my Servers. Strange thing though is that whenever I made my servers there was always a person in it. Random names every server. But in all my servers there is only one other person. Many people in this pasta I have met (Oh and the guy above me is a big giant liar for various, obvious reasons). Like that LifeUpStudios. I'm not sure if it is the same LifeUpStudios but as sure as hell he was in one of my servers. I laid down many signs to ask him why he was in my server. There was a sign I put down saying "Why are you in MY server?" and later on I had a reply on another sign saying "This is MY server, not yours!" This was getting me mad and I decided to put down many signs saying various things like "GET OUT!", "THIS IS MY SERVER!" And other various things.
He soon stumbled upon me properly while I decided to ignore him and make my statue. I was behind it adding a seat for the statue and I heard walking steps. I turned and suddenly this "LifeUpStudios" popped up. I stood there, doing nothing. He left one thing out though. When he was about to walk away I put down a sign and said "So, why are you here then?" and he was annoyed, I assume, and stabbed me (I never died as I had a mod to prevent me from losing health.) and just walked off. I needed to see what he had been doing. He stabbed me alot more when he turned around though. And I was about to turn on fly mod but I pressed the health button instead and died.
He may have noticed the head of the statue but that was later when he decided to carry on with the rail. I had respawned and finished it. I think he is just giving the story more drama. I keep the server to watch over him as he is annoying me.
Category:Deletion Log Refugees
Category:Bad Creepypasta
Category:Minecrap
Category:Ghoooosts
Category:English Class Failure
Category:Old Shit
I am Seymour Skinner. This is my alt account. I am in big trouble and I don't know who to turn to. YOU HAVE TO HELP ME

My name is Seymour Skinner. I have been married to my wonderful wife Karen Skinner for 27 years. I call her Mother, short for 'the mother of my kids'. I DO NOT HAVE A MOTHER FETISH.
I have never seen her butthole because we only have missionary sex. After hours of consulting with my pastor for 48 hours, I finally confirmed that doggie style sex isn't against the bible, as long as my pee pee does not go inside her butthole.
The night finally came, and she got on all fours, the moment I've been waiting for 27 years finally came. I saw it. It reminded me of something. It looked like mother! Not Karen, but my biological mother.
It spoke. It said 'Seymour Skinner, I am very disappointed in you. You are in big trouble young man'.
I said "I'm sorry Mother!" and freaked out and ran out of the house, naked.
1 week later I was enjoying breakfast when I got a call. I picked up and it was my biological mother. "Hi mother, how are you."
My biological mother responded, "I know what you tried to do Seymour Skinner. You should be ashamed of yourself." I immediately hung up the phone, and ran out of the house.
I have no idea what's going on or what I should do.
REDDIT YOU GOT TO HELP ME
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep
Category:Shortpasta
Category:LONG ASS TITLE
Category:TELAVISHUN
I am Shub-Niggurath's son

I remember my first day of school, when Mum dropped me off in her 1989 Honda Civic, all the students and teachers took one look at her, and went insane. I found this strange, and used my Eldritch Magic to cure their insanity. I was then bullied throughout school, since I wore a Cultist Robe. Mum's also a Smother, and makes me and her 999 other children call her every hour. Also, did I mention I have 999 siblings? Yeah, and you thought your family was dysfunctional. One time, I wanted to play the Xbox, but my brother, Zar'agath, cursed me, and when I said Mum said it's my turn, he convened with Yog-Sothoth, who said I lied, and so I was banished for 60 Million Years, and another time, when Uncle Nyarlathotep came over, we had to clean our Labyrinths, even though the Eldest Beings never leave the Devouring Room. Also, our Sibling Fights often escalate to all-out Wars. Also, I got expelled, since the Principal thought I was saying the N-Word.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Memes
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep
Category:Shortpasta
I am a banana

It all started one day when I was feeling rather bored. I decided to open up my phone and watch the tube, but that was my first mistake. I scrolled through my subscriptions list, looking for channels I haven't watched recently. Things started to get freeaky when I came upon the U section. Right there was UhOhBro, the hit classic channel by a man of mystery, AKA GREG. I clicked on the channel, already getting giddy with ecxitement. Greg was the most amazing youtuber ever, right up there with Boogie2988 and KILLLER KEEEMSTAR! Upon viewing the mans channel I saw a strange video. Entitled 'Greg.jpg (try not to die)' it sparked a bit of, dare I say, curiosity in me. I watched the video, and it was Gregory talking about his insanity from a certain Mr. Hansen and how Greg was going to ascend to a state of godhood in order to destroy all his adversities. At the end of the video greg told of how to summon him once he is in his 'final form'. I laughed, but something didn't sit right with me about this video, maybe the fact that it had ZERO VIEWS.
Days later I decided to perform the ritual. I went into my bathroom with three bananas and Greg's three books. I turned off the lights and chanted 'we live in a society' three times. Then, I saw a joker guy in the mirror. It was GREG. He grabbed me by the head and pulled me into the mirror. I ended up inside of his basement, along with all the other countless underaged girls. I pleaded with Greg, calling him the things he called himself on twitter.com. But it was to no avail. For days we ate nothing but vegan food. I cried every minute of every day. Then, on day four, he came down to the basement and announced that he was going to begin a ritual. He pointed to me and told me to follow him to the ritual room. I did. It was a small room with green screen walls and a green screen door. There was also a camera, and a banana costume. Greg got behind the camera and told me to put on the banana costume, which I did, fearing for my life. Once I finished, he turned on the camera, and a voice that was not my own came out of my mouth. 
"I'm a banana... I'm a banana... I'm a banana... I'm a banana. I'm a banana. I'm a banana. I'm a banana I'm a banana I'm a banana"
Over and over and over and over again for what seemed to be hours, slowly speeding up. Then, a sound that shocked me to my very core.
"LOOK AT ME MOVE!"
I screamed as the ceiling was torn off of the room and above us there was a massive panda. It reached down, grabbed me, and ate me. The moral of this story is if you are an underaged gril, dont summon Greg. OR HE'LL GIT YA!
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:COMPUTERS AND INTERWEBZ
Category:Im died
Category:Lost Episodes
Category:Rituwel
Category:Stupid is as the main character does
I am a deep trauma survivor, and here is my story

Last year, I was casually chatting with a few acquaintances on popular chatting app Discord. Suddenly, someone gifted me nitro and me - in a blind abundance of joy - claimed it immediately! Oh, how foolish was I? It was only moments later that I realised my mistake. At once, I began convulsing; my body twitching and shaking in agony, foam seeping out of my mouth. My heart pounded in my ribs. I had claimed discord nitro. Hurriedly, I search through the settings to put myself out of my misery. Alas, there it was! The delete account button. I had to hurry. I felt my interior buildup suffocate with a bright blurple goo. My twitchy finger reached for the promising red rectangle, hovering over it as the interior filled with a brilliant ruby red. Yearning! A man at the edge of death. Thirsty for an end to my suffering, I tapped the button. Immediately was I transported out of the realm of discord. My shaking had stopped. I had done it. Transcended the chat. I had sufficed for a mere few seconds - those seconds being enough to traumatise me to my core and shake my inner being. I would have had nitro before, and such is unacceptable conduct for the average man in society. Nevertheless, I had evaded death itself. I heard a knock on my bedroom door. It was my father, holding a gallon of the sweet, sweet milk I adored as a little boy. Reunited! At peace.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Copypasta
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:COMPUTERS AND INTERWEBZ
Category:Memes
Category:Wall of Text
Category:Shortpasta
Category:The Title Is A Lie
I am living in your balls

I am living in your balls.
You may be concerned about this. In case you are, please read the below:
FAQ:
Why are you living in my balls?
I'm not going to tell you.
How did you get there?
I'm oviously not gonna tell you my secrets, but you should not forget to lock your hotel room at night anymore.
How are you surviving in my balls?
In my non-physical form, I am crawling around listening for you. That is all I need to survive in that form. In my physical form, I survive by processing the remains of nutrition in your pee, and some delicious drops of cum you grant me every once in a while.
What are you planning to do in my balls?
Live in them, listening to you.
What do I do about you living in my balls?
Listen for the scraping. Don't touch the balls. Protect yourself. Avoid lighting candles.
Why me?
This is one of the most frequently asked questions in the history of mankind. There is no fate hidden behind, no deeper, meaning, you simply lost the lottery in the chaotic complex automaton our Universe is. Besides, your cum is passably tasty.
When are you going to stop living in my balls?
You cannot escape me.
Do I call the police?
The authorities will not help you.
What are the consequences of you living in my balls?
Be aware.
What if I am ok with you living in my balls?
I will make sure you're not.
Are you imaginary?
I AM LIVING IN YOUR BALLS I AM LIVING IN YOUR BALLS I AM LIVING IN YOUR BALLS I AM LIVING IN YOUR BALLS I AM LIVING IN YOUR BALLS I AM LIVING IN YOUR BALLS I AM LIVING IN YOUR BALLS I AM LIVING IN YOUR BALLS
If there are any more questions then you can consult me by stretching your nutsack 2 times and directly speaking to it.
Summary:
I am living in your balls.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Copypasta
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Shortpasta
I am single male and what I saw at my house last night will follow me for the rest of my life

Okay so first some backstory, I have a superpower. I can tell anyone's height by looking at them for 3 seconds, any less and I just get it in meters.
it was about 2 am on a Wednesday. I heard a knock on the door. its Paul Rudd. now a bit of backstory I live in a rural area just outside of Juneau. so this was odd.
I look at him and he was about 5'9".
he said can I use your phone, I said yes.
he walks in, turns around and pulls out a gun. what he said next will follow me for the rest of my life.
"Where's the vault kid, I know you have one, I need cash to fuel my crippling drug addiction."
now a bit of backstory, I work as a bank manager, so how did he know I had a vault? anyways I take him to the vault and he says, "where's the gold?" and a bit of backstory, I have a lot of gold, I don't know how he knew this but anyways.
he took the gold and left the house saying he will follow me for the rest of my life.
now a bit of backstory. this man was 5'9" while Paul Rudd is 5'10"... WHO WAS IN MY HOUSE????!!
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:WHAT A TWIST!
Category:DIALOGUE!
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep
Category:Shortpasta
Category:LONG ASS TITLE