nyuuzyou/wikis huggingface dataset:
I heard SpongeBob swear

I know, it seems way too much like a joke, but I'm not joking. I actually heard SpongeBob swear.
It was one of the most flabbergasting and bewildering experiences I've ever had.
It was July 17th, 1999. I was watching the SpongeBob episode "Ripped Pants".
I was enjoying it, and I began to enjoy it more once the song began.
It was normal and all, up until the lyric "I know I shouldn't mope around, I shouldn't curse... but fuck".
When I heard that, I was so shocked I started aggressively breakdancing on the floor while screaming.
After that, I was never allowed to watch SpongeBob ever again.
It's been 20 years, and since then I've been crying in my bed wishing I could see this again.
Eventually, I did see it again.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:SpongeBob
Category:Shortpasta
I heard my mom's voice call me downstairs

One unassuming day, I was in my room minding my own business, doing things like posting to /r/atheism and /r/the_donald.
Suddenly I heard my mother call up from downstairs. "Ambigiously gendered offspring, can you come downstairs for a moment?"
I intensely gripped the edge of my computer's lid and slammed it closed in order to heighten the suspense in the story. Then I realized that I was using a desktop computer.
But no matter. I skipped over to the stairs and passed my mother. "Hello mother," I said lovingly.
Here I stopped dead in my tracks, my bare toes scraping against the second floor carpet that really needed a vacuuming. My mother. I had just passed my mother in the hallway, yet I had distinctly heard her voice from downstairs.
As I began to shake in fear, I looked to my mother on the second floor, then glanced back downstairs. I knew I did not have two mothers. At least one of them was an imposter. This-This could only mean...
"HEY!" Roared a voice. My father hurtled up the stairs. "I CALLED YOU DOWN! WHY AREN'T YOU COMING!"
I stared at him in disbelief. "B-But I just heard mother call down, and saw her here, and, and..."
I watched my father slam both of his palms into his face in anger and disappointment, damaging several important facial organs that I can't list because I am a lazy author who can't research right. "ARE YOU SERIOUS? YOU CAN'T TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND FATHER'S VOICE?" He wrung his hands angrily. "WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKING STUPID? I KNEW WE SHOULD HAVE ABORTED YOU!"
I shrugged. "So you wanted me to go downstairs?"
My father shook his head. "I'm so disappointed in you." He lumbered back down the stairs.
I shrugged again and started walking back to my room when plOT TWIST MY MOM WAS ASPOOKY SKELETON COMMENT ON THIS STORY OR YOU WILL NEVER BE UNSPOOKED
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:WHAT A TWIST!
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep
Category:Shortpasta
I heard something

a few days ago, i heard something, i wanted to check it out but it was the middle of the night. it startled me, but i had to wait, and wait. a few seconds later, i heard it again, it was louder than ever and startled me even more. this time i checked it out, but i had to get a flashlight.
i was walking down the hallway,and i making a fuck ton of noise, i heared sound again, and it sounded like it was near me. i was scared shitless, and i managed to find the source. it was the door near me, and i've decided to open it.
after opening it, i saw the scariest thing ever. turns out it was my roommate trying to take a shit.
i ran to my room in fear and the moment i opened the door a skeleton popped out.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:English Class Failure
Category:Potty Humor
Category:And then a skeleton popped out
Category:Shortpasta
I inherited a mansion, but it isn't big enough

My great-grandfather finally died and left me all of his wealth. It's about time. He was seriously old.
When I went to enter my new home I found out the creepy butler was still there.
"Welcome to your new home, master."
I stepped inside and wiped my feet on the antique carpet.
"You're fired," I told him as he started sniffing me.
"I'm afraid you can't get rid of me," he replied before sniffing me again.
"Seriously, get out before I call the cops."
"But I'm a part of this house. Also I'm a ghost."
I tried to punch him, but my hand went right through.
"Okay you're not fired, but get me a vacuum cleaner."
"As you wish, master." He sniffed at me again and then went to fetch the vacuum cleaner.
When he came back I turned it on and used it to suck him inside.
"Oh heavens! This is most unpleasant!" Those were his final words before I turned it off and threw the vacuum cleaner into the basement.
I hired a two sexy maids instead and things have been great. I see some ghosts occasionally, but I just have my maids vacuum them up and throw them in the basement as well. My only regret is that this mansion only has 50 rooms. I was hoping for at least 51. Oh well, maybe I'll have an extra room built. My basement is filling up with vacuum cleaners pretty quickly anyway.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Ghoooosts
Category:DIALOGUE!
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Well, that was pointless.
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep
Category:Shortpasta
I inherited my uncle's ranch and it's just a huge headache

First, I got a call from the EPA and apparently there's some sort of hazardous contamination in the groundwater? I have to drill a new well and install this crazy filtration system and everything. It's going to be pretty expensive.
Next, I guess Uncle Jeff kind of lost interest in maintaining the place after he got sick because everything is just filthy. Particularly the pens. They were so disgusting the guys I hired to clean them up actually wore hazmat suits.
Next up was the forest. There's some new county regulations out about woods on private land. It's intended to help prevent forest fires or something. What it means for me is this: the woods I loved playing in as a kid, where I would hide behind trees and jump out and scare people, had got to be clear-cut. Completely. I'll turn a profit on the lumber but knowing there'll just be a dead field there from now on just bums me out.
I haven't even gotten to the worst part. All these county people and EPA people have been asking my questions about my uncle's business. Well, I don't know who they've been calling, but today they dropped a bombshell on me: hunting humans is illegal! When did they send out that memo?? They're saying they're going to hold me accountable for my uncle's decades of heinous crimes or whatever.
Geez. This inheritance has been such a hassle. I envy my sister, honestly. All she got in the will was Jeff's trophies.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Jeff the Killer
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep
Category:Shortpasta
I invented shoes

Time flies, in 2026, at this time, I became a scientist, invented a proud of multi-function shoes, the United States it yue, its function can many, let me explain!
The multi-function shoes appearance spotless, can with oneself to like design change touch kind. This kind of wedge filled with change device, in the rainy day, the shoes will turn into a water shoes, let you don't have to worry about rainy day in the foot will city; In the snow, if you want to ski, if you want to ski, it will become a snowboarding: in the, it can become mountaineering shoes, let you climbing carefree...... In the cold winter, you don't have to worry about shoes is too thin and not warm, because the insole packed with a miniature solar packet: can absorb solar summer placed into the winter use. No matter how thin it is warm. In the hot summer, we put on the shoes, the insole through the holes emit an cool device, let your feet feel very cool.
This kind of shoes still can prevent the thief! If the thief put on the shoes, want to do bad, then let the thief walking shoes inconvenience, and to the thief warned that if the thief insisted on going to do wrong, shoes will alarm, and put in place the thief trapped, let him not to go out, waiting for the police come.
I listened, you want to have the shoes? Welcome to order 20 years later.
Category:Well, that was pointless.
Category:English Class Failure
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Shortpasta
I just 360 no scoped my Grandma

So the day began as most do, an entire tray of pizza rolls in the oven and I was listening to my favorite song from the Jonas brothers. When my grandma had came into my room to let me know that I needed to stop having sex with the mail man. I nodded my head in agreement, even though I have never had sex with the mailman. And I was starting believe that my grandmother was going insane. I went ahead and drop kicked her in the chin and told her to never speak to me again. And that if she made any attempt to, I would be forced to execute her. She replied with a simple. Understood. And upon hearing those word I grabbed my Sniper from behind my mini fridge and proceed to do a 360 no scope blasting her head clean off her body. Only to land in a Jedi back flip with grace. It was about this time I realized that my pizza rolls were most likely done and made a B line for the easy bake oven in my sisters room.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Wall of Text
Category:Pointless Violence
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep
Category:Shortpasta
I just fucking love Rick and Morty

I just fucking love Rick and Morty, in the way that I fucking love science. It's so random and cool - it's like the show was designed for us Redditors, see? My mom says I have an unhealthy obsession with the show, but she just doesn't understand how funny it. I wish I could live in the Rick and Morty world and be their friends. Everything would be really and cool and funny if I did. Rick and Morty are so funny and I'm so awesome that it would make perfect sense, but it'd be even better if Keanu Reeves appeared. It'd be so awesome I'd turn up the TV in the common room of my dorm up all the way so everyone could hear the greatness of Keanu Reeves, Ron Paul, bacon, weed, atheism, The Avengers, Guardians of the Galaxy, Sweden, Bill Nye, 90s cartoons, cats, and fucking loving science.
I run the Rick and Morty Club at my school - we come together, browse Reddit, make some Deadpool memes and watch Rick and Morty. We don't talk to each other but there's a cute girl there I'm gonna try and ask out. I'm a nice guy and I dress well (fedora + trench coat + brown-stained underwear + well-trimmed beard lightly seasoned with dust and corn syrup) so I just know I've got a good chance with her. I've already messaged her on Facebook, I just haven't got a response yet.
Anyway, back to the topic at hand: Rick and Morty! My favorite character is Rick because his style of humor perfectly reflects that of Reddit. I bet if I asked him "When does the narwhal bacon?", he'd know EXACTLY what I was talking about. Also, did you notice he looks like Keanu Reeves if you squint a bit and use your imagination? This can't be a coincidence; MLG Illuminati confirmed. Yeah, that's right, I look at montage parodies too. What good Redditor doesn't? Lenny face, Illuminati, and Doge are so funny. If I met Rick and Morty I'd be sure to show them all those funny and awesome memes and more!
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Copypasta
Category:Satire
Category:Memes
Category:TELAVISHUN
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Shortpasta
I just started renting a house and the landlord gave me a strange set of rules

I'm super cool and an astronaut. My life is perfect.
Anyway I just started renting a house because my old one had something happen to it. I can't remember because also I have amnesia.
When I got in my new house, I found a strange set of rules on the counter.
1: dont smoke inside
2: plumber is coming tuesday, sink faucet leaking
3: dont be outrageously noisy
First off, what the fuck? No smoking inside? That's crazy and unbelievable. Secondly, who's the plumber? Suddenly I had a crazy warped mind vision and thought the plumber was a demon.
The very next day I suddenly accidentally broke two rules. I smoked a lot of DMT and suddenly I heard someone banging on the door. "oh fucking fuuuuuu!!" i screamed, someone was here to kill me. Suddenly I remember it was the plumber and he was a demon. I passed out and woke up 4 hours later in a jail cell. The cops told me that I had shot the plumber 14 times in a drug-induced state of delirium. But I know what I saw. The plumber was a demon and I had to kill him for the glory of God.
The policeman questioning me asked me why I was in someones house.
"But sir thats impossible my landlord Ms. Tery rented it to me earlier..."
"Theres no one in the world called Ms. Tery sir."
Then I screamed.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:LONG ASS TITLE
Category:English Class Failure
Category:Well, that was pointless.
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep
Category:Shortpasta
I know who was phone

The milkman.
Don't you fucking laugh or roll your eyes at me.
I'm dead serious.
Read on if you wanna know why I support this theory.
The milkman is really your honey's father. He met her mom and sparked a conversation with her. Before long, however, they had drawn the shutters and were furiously humping away on the couch. When her mom found out she was pregnant, she lied and said the baby was his. Right before your honey was born the "dad" was diagnosed with prostate cancer.
Sadly, he died before he could meet his daughter.
Over time,  the milkman watched over his daughter, wishing for the day when he could admit he was the actual father. That day never came, as he was too chicken to do it, but loved the girl as if she really was growing up right beside her. Quite touching, really. When your honey grew into her teenage years,  the milkman became very protective of her.
The day you wrote your number down on a slip, she dropped it as she was going on a date with you. The milkman picked it up and kept note of the phone number. So, when the next day came by and you and your honey were walking past him, your honey said your name. Your name was on the same slip of paper with a heart next to it, and he knew you were officially dating. 
But the milkman never liked you, which is why he didn't want you near your honey. He contacted you one date and ordered you to stay away from his daughter. But, your honey thought her dad was dead. So, that's who was phone. See y- dammit, my friend Skeleton just popped out of my closet. I gotta fix him. Bye.
Category:And then a skeleton popped out
Category:WHO WAS PHONE?
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Shortpasta
I learnt a dark and terrible secret about reality

I wake up each night drenched in sweat. I can't think. I can't breathe. All my mind is focused on the horrible truth that was burnt into my mind on that terrible night. Whenever I close my eyes, even for an instant, I see it in that endless darkness.
So naturally I won't be telling you what it is.
Just thought I'd give you a heads up that it's out there. Anyway, hope you're all doing okay!
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Well, that was pointless.
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep
Category:Shortpasta
I listened to a podcast about me

Bruh i was walking home one day and heard my own voice on a podcast. I loved podcasts. I still do. I listen to all of them, true crime, communist girls, boys who like making jokes, and most of all, 98 percent indivisible. This week i was listening to "what's in johns boot" when i noticed something. It was a true crime, about people who died or disappeared... it was saying something as i walked in the dark streets at 6 pm, one of those bike bars rolled by with 20 screaming ladies, the podcast said "AND THEN... DO NOT LOOK UNDER THE BIKE BAR" I said oh shit! I loked under the bike bar and there was not a lady, it was a dog, named crunky, I turn the podcast up immediately. AND THEN THE BOY HE WAS WALKING DOWN THE STREET, SKIPPING DOWN THE ROAD WEARING SHOES, i look down at my feet, my legs are skipping, i am wearing black shoes, what is ging on.
Crunky is licking peoples feet under the bike bar and the ladies are all screaming "OMG WHOS DOING THAT LOLOLOL" "OMG ITS A DOG LLOLOL" the man driving it stops them and kicks crunky out. Crunnky puts his camera down and licks his lips and looks at me with a fire in his eyes. I start to pick up my pace. Crunky is now following me, he is gesturing like he is taking my shoes off and sniffing the inside of my shoes. Hes licking his lips and rolling his eyes back like hes in ecstasy and shuddering a little. The podcast said "NO ONE FOUND THE BOY AT 7pm HE WAS IN HIS ROOM.
A DOG WAS WALKING UP AND DOWN THE STREET, ONLY IT WASNT A DOG. THE BOY NEVER GOT TO SLEEP THAT NOGHT. HIS NAME WAS JOHNATHAN I said hly shit holy shit that is me! AND THE DOG WAS NAMED CRUNKY oh shit i better run! I ran all the way to the house. Crunky started to pick up the pace running like a bear trying to chase a piece of string. When i made it home i knocked on the door to be let in because my roomates took my key away because i kept loosing it. Only then did i notice the dog door on the front door! WHEN JOHNATHAN CAME HOME HE TRIED TO GET IN THE HOUSE BUT IT WAS LOCKED, WHAT HE DIDNT KNOW IS CRUNKY WAS ALREADY WAITING INSIDE HIS ROOM. oh shit oh shit! I called my roomate, hello please let me in? Im sorry for eating your delicious ice cream and then smoothing out the top like i never did it! Uhhh what? She said Im coming down. But dont do that.
Okokok i said!
I slowly crept up to my room
JONATHAN NEVER SAW WHAT WAS COMING TO HIM IN HIS ROOM. I turned my podcast off. I hated that shit!
I opened my door...
It wasn't crunky, it was bigdaddy from grindr wearing a long wig!
AND THEN JOHNATHAN HAD THE TIME OF HIS LIFE. BIGDADDY DID TOO.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:English Class Failure
Category:Inside Jokes
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep
I looked in the mirror and was scarred for life...

It was a cold rainy night in Stoke and i was chilling with the boys at mcdonalds getting a big mac and a happy meal. All of a sudden i need a massive shit so i sprint as fast as i can towards to mens bathroom, jumping over tables and sliding under other customers who were minding their own business. I thrust the door open and my eyes dart around the rest room. I turn to my right and see an ugly bastard in the mirror. I dropped on my knees and held my head in agony. "Why am i such a genetic abomination?" I sobbed while regretting my life
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:English Class Failure
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep
Category:Shortpasta
I love fucking money

so three weeks ago I was in my room when suddenly a twenty dollar bill started seeming extra hot today, I didn't hesitate before I pulled out my cum-ejector 3000 and started pumping. After that the urge was uncontrollable, every-time I saw the money I needed to jack off, one night I had sex with a one-dollar bill and I got paper cuts all over my dick.
I went to the doctor to get help with the paper cuts all over my dick, that was until he picked up a quarter from the ground and said, "Wowee it's my lucky day!" I instantly eviscerate him with a cum blast as the urge was uncontrollable. I ran out of the room filled with cum and blood from the incident.
I called for an uber and when the uber driver asked me to pay up as we got to the destination, I pulled out my credit card and-
"MY LEIDERHOSEN!" I screamed as the uber driver's skin and flesh were power-washed off by the ensuing cum blast that followed.
I ran out of the car trying to escape the grizzly scene I made. As I opened the doors to what I thought was a therapist, it was the bank of America. I made nonsensical noises for a second, everyone when silent as the man with the freakishly large dong kept making noises like a whimpering dog.
I breathed in.
"IM COOMING AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" I screamed with a booming voice as the people inside started screaming as the people beside them, the tellers, the managers, the office workers, and normal civilians, were completely vaporized by the cum blast. Only a red mist and blood faded in with the cum.
the cum quickly filled the building and I was washed out by a big wave of cum.
Please help. I do not know what to do anymore. The police are at my door. I guess I have only one choice.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Copypasta
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT
Category:Shortpasta
I made a deal with a demon, now I regret it

I was sitting around feeling sorry for myself that I wasn't rich and famous with a hot trophy wife, when a demon appears. It looked like one of those demons you see in the last two missions of Warcraft 1, Red, big beefy upper body, bad wings, horns, and giant scimitar. He said "I shall grant you all you wish for, but know that everything you grant comes at an equal price." I said I don't see the downside in that and asked to be rich. He asked "and famous?" and I said actually no, I think it'd be smarter to keep this on the DL. He did a cute little dance and I checked my bank account, my balance was an infinite symbol. Then I said I want my ideal woman with big tits and ass and who loves me. He did a gross little dance and there she was. A hundred feet tall, badass hooks for hands, and she shoots lasers from her beautiful blue eyes (Ugh, so much for keeping this on the DL). I said okay, I'm good. He said a time would come when I had to pay for breaking reality to suit my selfish desires and that he'd be back. I said okay. He disappeared in a plume of smoke that smelled like brimstone. I think it was a brimstone smell anything, I've never smelled it before. It was kind of like a cross between new car smell, and that apple smell you get from a brand new text book. Feeling happy I went to take a shit. When I came back the demon was back in my living room laughing maniacally and said "THE TIME HAS COME TO PAY THE PRICE!" Then the mother fucker grabbed my PS4 and ran out of the building.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Demins and Debbils
Category:Wall of Text
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Well, that was anticlimactic.
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep
Category:Shortpasta
I made red mist

you might know about red mist a lost sponge bob episode that many claims is fake but red mist is far from fake here is my story i work at nickelodeon in the back in the 1990s i loved my work there but had problems whit mental issues because of that they fired and got put in a mental institution for many years when i got out i couldn't find any job so i was homeless and i started taking drugs i was all ways bulled buy kids on the street for being homeless i that this i all nickelodeon fault for making me lose my job so i decided to get revenge on the kids and nick i called some people from the deep web to help me whit the episode i planed to make a sponge bob episode so dark that nick would get sued we decided to call it red mist you all ready know the story after we where done whit it we sneak in to nick and switch tape in the viewing room and left but nick didn't get sued they mange to cover it up of and the nickelodeon worker that told us about red mist got fired then some one from nickelodeon said that it was all fake i have made many lost episodes after to try to get nickelodeon sued and i want stop the end.
Category:Bad Creepypasta
Category:Deletion Log Refugees
Category:Look at me! I'm SO EDGY!
Category:SMOKE WEED ERRYDAY
Category:English Class Failure
Category:Wall of Text
Category:Shortpasta