Andy Kadir-Buxton

Andy Kadir-Buxton is an up-and-coming crank who is making a serious challenge to Gene Ray for the title of "Craziest Man on the Internet."
==The Kadir-Buxton Method==
The Kadir-Buxton Method is the crown jewel in Kadir-Buxton's panoply of craziness. He touts it as the cure for a wide variety of psychological and neurological disorders, particularly manic-depression, eating disorders, comas, Alzheimer's disease, migraine headaches and post-traumatic stress disorder. Additionally, he claims that proper use of the method can be used to delete memories or unwanted character traits.
We'll let the inventor describe it:The Kadir-Buxton Method
In other words, the key to good mental health is two good blows to the sides of the head. However, don't confuse this with a punch:
Of course, having access to a magic brain-erasing blow doesn't mean much if no one ever uses it. So, in September 2009, he started a Prime Minister's Petition to convince the NHS to adopt the method. He managed to garner 47 signatures from such luminaries as Loony McBin, William p. Tossnuts, D.Lusional and the bass player from The Levellers.The best petition ever
==Other medical achievements==
His website includes instructions to perform the following feats of medical derring-do:
*Reaching through the cervix into the Fallopian tubes to remove ball bearings, pen-tops and lemonade accidentally inserted therein by over-imaginative lesbians at universities.
*Aiding in a difficult childbirth by clapping his hands inside the woman's vagina (with the possible side-effect of increasing the infant's intelligence).
*Causing a woman to ovulate instantly, even after menopause, with massage.
*Causing a woman to menstruate instantly, thus preventing unwanted pregnancies, by scratching her during sex.
*Deleting unwanted memories or personality traits.
*Reseting a dislocated bone with almost no pain.
*Causing instant orgasms, either by punching someone in the neck, sticking a hand through the cervix into their uterus, stroking them on the nose, or just having them clench very hard. This has applications for curing migraines, preventing muggings, stopping HIV, making childbirth painless, alleviating menstrual cramps.
**He can also find any woman's G-spot with nothing but a speculum, helpfully informing us that women have four of them, and they look like diseased tissue.
*Reviving a person whose heart has stopped for twenty minutes or more by stamping on them.
*Inventing 'Michael Foot,' "the HIV Destroying Machine which prolongs the life of sufferers".
*Prolonging life expectancy by feeding people breastmilk - he claims to have performed this on the Queen Mother.
Most of these techniques involve punching or kicking the "patient" with great force. Presumably, these procedures are more satisfying for Kadir-Buxton than the recipients.
==Science==
Lest you think that Kadir-Buxton's innovations are all medical, he has also claimed the following scientific and technological breakthroughs:
*Geothermal power
*Safety protocols for miners
*Economic techniques to lower unemployment without raising inflation
*Oil-destroying bacteria
*Dual tariff electricity meters, for which Edward Heath tried to kill him
*Bottle banks
He also saved the Canadian Caribou and 'Dodo Tree' from extinction, by vigorously clapping at any approaching predators.
==Political and social==
He also takes credit for the following:
*The arrest of forty paedophilic Catholic priestsThe Difficult Second Series (spEak You're bRanes, 2010-03-24)
*The START treaties
*The democratization of eastern EuropeActually Real (spEak You're bRanes, 2010-01-28)
*The referendums on Northern Ireland
*Various and sundry Labour Party campaigns dating back to 1987
*America, Britain and Russia not nuking each other
==See also==
* spEak You're bRanes, where Kadir-Buxton is a long time favourite.
==External links==
*The one, the only "Red Rose Andy" Kadir-Buxton (featuring the Kadir-Buxton Method!)
*Andrew Kadir-Buxton Appreciation Society (Facebook page)
*(Blog post about Andy)
==References==
Category:Internet kooks
Category:Living people