nyuuzyou/wikis huggingface dataset:
The Thing on the Table

It was there when I came home;
just lying there with it's little grin.
It always comes around;
taking what it can and
leaving you with just enough to keep going.
It's coming is impossible to prevent
often with others of it's kind and
taking it all away, until you have hardly anything left.
Inevitably, you will give them what they want.
When you do, they will leave as effortlessly as when they came;
allowing you to feel safe for a time being.
Until they come again, repeating the endless cycle.
Those pesky bills...
Category:Deletion Log Refugees
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Morons Attempting Poetry
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Old Shit
Category:Shortpasta
The Thing that Came Down My Chimney is Not David Lee Roth

I heard the riffs first. Really dope shit. Somehow, even amid the mistletoe and the warmth and scent of drying pine from the hearth, I was right there at the drive-thru waiting on Onion Rings and laughing with my girlfriend about getting Baja Blasted. But something wasn't right. It was cold all of a sudden. A candle went out. There was keyboard, but it wasn't the fun shit. Wasn't the 1984 shit.
I saw the hair first. Blonde highlights for sure. But wet. Greasy.
Curly. Sammy Klaus was coming to town. Hagar the Horrible. Glampus.
I knew I shouldn't have bought stock in Tesla. After the coup in Bolivia I hung my head, knowing I was headed for some bad karma. But not like this.
The hair kept growing and suffocated the fire. There was a slight sufuric tinge but the motherfucker has that shit SHELLACKED. Hes like a seal jumping onto land: the dude simply does not dry out. I knew that waiting patiently on the roof 8 chilly groupies the color and texture of cedar mulch were standing around snorting excellent cocaine and drinking whatever flavored seltzer Cabo Wabo was dryhumping into your local tiki bar following the white claw craze.
I was waiting for more horror, more anguish, for Father David Lee Roth to come and save the day, but as the seconds turned into minutes and the hits turned into weakass power ballads I realized: the dudes stuck. I lucked out. My chimneys 55 inches in circumference.
And Sammy can't survive FIFTY FIVE.
After the coroner came and went I went on the roof and shoveled up some of the ol' diablo dust the groupies left off the solar panels. Left out a little pile for Dave next to some edible undies. And smiled.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Well, that was anticlimactic.
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep
Category:Shortpasta
The Thinker

You believe that everything comes from a demon?
Hello, my name is Aperat. and I'm going too tell you something special. You read other creepypastas and you see most of them come from someone who was murdered or killed? Well, that was me. I'm the thinker and I'm unstoppable. Just because I said so. I made Sonic.EXE, I made MARIO, I killed Ben, and I made rap rat and Squidward's Suicide.
Do I care?
Yes...I AM AN ARTIST! I hate how all of you say how it is murder, but let me explain it too you, why I am the thinker. I was born with a gift, a very special gift. the power to think, imagine anything I could and it could come to life... but with one exception... do something for it. So I chose to do the easiest thing I could...MURDER. So that's what I do, murder and put their soul into a game or a machine or into a monster. This is art and you may be next. So when you see a bald man in a tan trench coat, give yourself up. You're next. 
Category:Deletion Log Refugees
Category:Not Sure if Troll or Trying to Be Serious
Category:YOU'RE NEXT
Category:Loads of Characters
Category:Look at me! I'm SO EDGY!
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Shortpasta
The Third Death of Jack Reacheround

/u/teambob had been kind enough to narrate the first part of the story of how I had lost everything, so I made to visit him out in the Sydney billabongs to offer thanks and a reach around, a moment I thought would be poignant as what I had received from Jack Reacher were arguably just handjobs. This would present a challenge, since it was complicated enough traversing Australia while walking on my hands in the local fashion to prevent the blood all rushing to my head.
But just as I was wading elbow deep through the filth to perform this vital service, I received a message upon my phone. I had to stop and balance on one hand to read it.
".ooʇ ɯɐ I puɐ 'llᴉʞ sᴉ uoᴉʇɐɹɹɐu punoɹǝɥɔɐǝɹʞɔɐſ,"
NO! But sure enough, the post indeed had been removed. No one would ever learn what Jack had sacrificed for me, for you, for us all.... I replaced my phone and waddled as fast as my hands could carry me, just in time to spot the corpses of Teambob and Andrew Child sticking feet up out of the pools of mud that had once provided shelter. I wiped my tears from my eyes with my toes, and not a moment too soon, for I heard behind me the unmistakable laughter of Jeff Bezoz, no different than the day I had been neutered.
"Last story was meant to be the end, and even that was dragged out. I just don't like the cut of your jib so I purchased reddit so I could kill off Jack Reacher all over again! And there's nothing you can do to stop me!"
Words failed me on this occasion almost as badly as you doubtless consider they are right now, so I attempted to give pursuit to Bezoz. But alas he, being a Bezoid from the far off world of Blue Origin, that need store no blood in his pinhead like appendage, was able to walk around like a normal person on his feet even in hostile environments, and soon outpaced me, heading for one of his low quality spacecraft, made out of thousands of amazon cardboard boxes.
I prepared to watch helplessly as he jetted off to his homeworld, but just at the last minute, I realised his fatal mistake. He'd failed to understand Australian physics, and his rocket instead headed straight toward the ground, exploding on contact with the lethal earthworms in the soil. His body, sans arms and legs, and still on fire, was blasted across to land right beside me.
"You know what happens now Bezoz. I'm going to pull your dick off like Alan Richson did mine." But as I reached into his trousers, he had the last laugh. All I found was a Saudi Arabian listening post.
His last words were
"That's right, Bin Salman's owned my nuts for years! Don't you even read the news?"
Even in death, big business had triumphed over the little man
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Inside Jokes
Category:Unnecessary Sequels
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep
The Three Stooges: Dead Deeds

In 1976, Back at the prime-time of The Three Stooges; A Theater mistaken a DVD of a burned episode of The Three Stooges. The tape was found in a hospital dumpster in 1943 back when the three stooges was still on it's time; a group of people from the theater simply named "ACZ Theaters" They called up the police, a group of writers who made the episode, the FBI and the other people. The DVD began with the normal Three Stooges Intro when suddenly, the music paused; Curly turned to Moe and asked quietly and in a hilarious joke "Hey Moe, Is this ghost-busters or is this stooges?" which Moe screamed out, that blasted the entire room "NO, THE HELL IT ISN'T!" He screamed out loud. the episode title-card revealed "Dead Deeds" one of the police officers noticed that the music was playing in a slow snail's pace;
It faded in and out to Moe, Larry and Curly working in a garage; They were working on finishing touches to a car they were building. they finished and Larry said with a clap "Ahh, The car's almost finished boys" Curly laughed with glee and replied "Yes Sir, It feels good to finish" then Larry said in anger and annoyed "Hey Moe, Are you done Yet!" Moe yelled out "SHUT UP BOYS, FINISHING TOUCHES!" the police and the FBI realized that Moe was a lot ANGRIER then usual. Then Moe stepped back as he said in a fourth wall joke "Ok boys, We've-.." he suddenly smacked the camera with his wrench; he tried to fix the camera and every-time it dips, he'd squeal loudly; then on the last one, both Larry and curly mocked Moe. "I had enough" Moe said quietly; he dropped the camera and calmly walks to them both; Moe Grips onto Larry and smacks him on the piano, blood and gore exploded as his legs plopped out of the piano. Curly did his usual weird noises as he raced around the garage as Moe was inching to curly with this ANGRY Look. Suddenly, the screen snapped black as punching, exploding and shooting sounds were heard; then the screen snapped back to reveal curly's face: his face was mangled, teeth and skin were torn off, his eyes were literally gouged out, his arms and legs were melted like someone dipped him in acid. after that, the next program was shown which was Popeye
The police and FBI were severely disappointed, one of the FBI "Carson Jayne" Said In Fear/Anger "Get rid of the DVD As possible" The Owner listened, the FBI and the rest left as they buried the DVD. the last thing that ever happened was a recording TV broadcast of the episode..right next to popeye episode played the exact same time.
Category:Bad Creepypasta
Category:Lost Episodes
Category:English Class Failure
Category:Pointless Violence
Category:DIALOGUE!
The Thrid

It was a fine trip far from my hometown. Just relaxing.
Some bad things have happened, though. One where there was a song coming on and I suddenly burst out the regretful words.
"It's a song about f%#$ing wishes!"
As you could tell, I have a bad experience with wishes. A certain mental condition kept doing these wishes that I don't wish for. I've been taken to psychiatry before. But that will not stop it. 
But anyway, let's get on with the dang story already.
It's been that one time where the others set up a boob tube (television set) in the car. There was a TV show that came on named "The Spell". It had kind of a LazyTown feel to it. 
Other than that, the main villain in the show was named "The Thrid". As I can remember, it was a humongous robot monster.
It even appeared on the 3DS that I had as well. I can remember one of the protagonists of the show being thrown to a hole in the ground.
The creature doesn't seem to be circling around on the internet. It must have just been a show on an isolated satellite.
As we were driving around in New York, a 3DS cartridge was on the road. It basically had a sticker with the writing.
"PRAISE THRID"
I popped that idiot into the 3DS, and the first thing that happened as I put it in was a high voltage coming from the 3DS.
I let go of it as soon as that happened. That was when I saw the start of a ginormous tsunami. In the show, that usually happens at the arrival of The Thrid.
The water had washed him out. He stood up and stepped on everyone on the beach. The result was not blood, but acid leaking from the beach ladies. Water splashed up and down by itself. Buildings' windows blasted. Cars crashed unintentionally. People threw up their coffee, and at least 2 had their head exploded. All from the appearance, of the Thrid.
A nuclear plant blew up, leading to several deaths around the area. This part of New York had been abandoned for over a decade. Now it's 2027, and the town is coming back together.
If this show does appear on your TV, you have to note that you will know what's coming. But please also note that your fate will be different. You'll either get lasered by the Thrid himself, or drown in a tsunami bigger than Earth itself.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:TELAVISHUN
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Cliche Madness
Category:Look at me! I'm SO EDGY!
Category:Well, that was pointless.
The Thumb

It wa sa sunny, snuny day. Kayl was sittling on a chair, looking ath is thumb. Why was le looking at his thumb? He was loking at this thumb becasue he had just left sucking it. When Kayl was young, when Kayl was five yeasr old, he used to suck ihs thumb a lot. He used to duck it everyday. But now, Kayl was a bigh boy. Kayl's mum was silently watshing her son, and stood by Kayl. "Big boys fo not suck theur thumbs," Said Kayl's mum. "Wyh can't big boys suck their tuhmbs?" As ked Kayl. "Becauase, When big boys suck their thumbs, they do not suck their thunbs, the thumb sucks them." Replied a furious mom. "Okay." Said a sad Kayl.
Days passed. Months passed. Years passed. Kayl was now a very big boy. So big, so tall. He was rruly a man now. Mumw as proud ef her man. Little id she now that there waas someone else among her and her son, and it was nto her husband. 
One fine day, Kayl was playong Hajo on his Xboz. Kayl like Hajo a lot. He had killed a lot of alies in Hajo. Suddenlu, he dropped his controler. His thumb started paning. It w a s very ainful. "Ouch." Shouted a paining Kayl, his thumb raddish-pink in pain. He crisd for his mother. "Mum" shuoted Kayl. Mum kame to Kayl's resque. "What's whrong, Kayl, I am here to resque." Said mum. "Mum, my thumb is paining very hard. Calm it down" "Relaz honey, I will calm it down." Kayl's mum started fondling his thumb. The pain was getting calmer, second my second. Suddenly, the pain stoped. "Is it good now?" Said mum. "Okay now", said Kayl. 
The same night, Kayl's thumb started paining a lot mroe than the morning. "SUCK ME" cam ea woice from somewhere. "SUCK ME, KAYL." It started getting louder. "SUCK ME". Kayl looked up and down, left and right, he could not see the sorce of the voice. Suddenly, his thunb cought his eye. It was the thumb! The thumb was shouting so hard! "Wat ist he problem, Thumb?" Said Kayl. "YOU USED TO SUCK ME. NOT ANYMORE" Shouted his thumb. "SUCK ME!" "But mum said to not suck thumb, when you suck thumb, the thumb sucks you, she said". "NO! ALL FOOLISH STUFF!" Shouted his thumb. "Okay" said Kayl and he sucked his thumb very hard. Suddenly, the thumb shouted, "YES! YOU ARE FOOLISH! I WILL SUCK YOU NOE!" "No," said Kayl. "I should have nown." Suddenly, Kayl's head got sucked by his thumb, and his head traveled through the muscle of his hand, and it bacame a second thumb. Kayl's thumb then, went to his head's place, leaving his head behind. His head was now his thumb, and his thuumb was now his head. Kayl's mum was watching. She then came to Kayl and said, "I told you, Kayl. Do not suck it, becayse when adult man sucks thumb, they do not suck their thumb...
...The thum bsucks them."
Special thanks to my Thumb for givnig me the idea for this pasta. Thank you, thumb. You are nice.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:English Class Failure
Category:Vidya games
Category:WHAT A TWIST!
Category:WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT
The Tick

The Tick is a sick child with a blood disease, fantasizing about being a superhero while he's in bed. The Tick is unstoppable and can go and do whatever he wants, however his mind is child-like.
Arthur is his father, whom he loves, but is ineffectual. American Maid is his mother, who has divorced his father and gone off to be, essentially, a slut. He still looks up to her, hence her ideas of justice, but she's hypersexualized and yet The Tick has no sexual interest in her (or anyone else).
The enemies are toys and things he can see from his bedroom window.
He calls himself The Tick because that was the insect that transmitted the blood disease to him. He sees them as powerful creatures to be revered.
Category:Deletion Log Refugees
Category:Bad Creepypasta
Category:THERY
Category:TELAVISHUN
Category:Well, that was pointless.
Category:Old Shit
Category:Shortpasta
The Ticking Clock

I have a clock that sits in the corner of my room; I sit and watch it day and night - listening to it ticking...
Tick tock...
Tick tock...
I watch the clock hands move until I finally snap. I take the clock hands and remove them - to stop the ticking of the clock...
Tick tock...
Tick tock...
The clock keeps ticking. I can't take it anymore...
Tick tock...
Tick tock...
I can hear my heart beating in time with the ticking of that infernal clock.
Tick tock...
Tick tock...
The sound if deafening, I look around and find a knife.
Tick tock...
Tick tock...
I plunge the knife into my chest; I feel a stabbing pain - then sweet relief.
Tick tock...
Tick tock...
Category:Deletion Log Refugees
Category:Bad Creepypasta
Category:Well, that was pointless.
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Old Shit
Category:Shortpasta
Category:Pointless Violence
The Tickle

It had been a long day at work. And a long drive home. I was exhausted. I arrived home at 9 p.m., unwary of what was going to happen. When I walked into my house, things were out of order. The TV was on, and on a static channel, and there was noise coming from the kitchen. I began walking towards the source of the noise, and was shocked when I pushed open the kitchen door. Lying on the floor was a mess of dog food.
My fucking dog spilt his bowl. I got the TV working again and watched it for a while. It was 11 p.m. now, when I usually go to bed. I headed up the stairs and went into my room. Flicked on the lights. Someone was in my bed. Someone was in my bed. It was a female figure, with dark black hair and a blank expression on her face, she appeared to be sleeping. It was my wife. I climbed into bed and fell asleep quickly.
I woke in the middle of the night to a tickle on my leg. I scratched my legs and nothing was out of the ordinary. I drifted back to sleep. The next day, I was off from work. Wife had to go to a business meeting out of town, so I had the house to myself. I liked this: I just sat on my chair watching TV and got high.
That night would change my life, however. I was tired early this day, I went to my room to sleep at 9:45. I awoke once again to a tickle on my leg, but it was stronger this time. I bolted out of bed and ran for the light. I turned it on, looked at the bed, and screamed. There was a spider on the bed. If I hadn't noticed it, it could've tickled me all night: I was lucky...
Category:Deletion Log Refugees
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Well, that was anticlimactic.
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Old Shit
Category:Shortpasta
The Tickling Man

I was just returning from university when suddenly I heard a voice coming from junkyard. It was a middle aged man saying: "H... h... he is c... coming."
I said: "Who?"
He said: "The Tickling Man."
He explained it was some monster that comes at night, but sometimes at day in this town every 19 years. He was 200 cm tall, his hair was long and grey, his eyes were golden, his legs and arms were taller than his body and his skin was green. Man says he saw him killing his mother when was 22. He heard from his mother saying: "NO! IT CAN'T BE! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD!"
Tickling Man smiled and said: "Dead? Lady, please. I am destroyer of the worlds and I cannot be destroyed."
"He killed my mother and I ran away. He followed me and said: "You little rat, you think I am dumb enough to hear you running." I couldn't go anywhere else and friend of my mother saved me by shooting it with poisonous arrow. Tickling Man screamed and ran away. The man's name was Taylor. He adopted me and he was great stepfather" - guy said.
I said: "You are joking, right?"
He said: "No."
After I ate my lunch once I came home, the black goo came from my bed and I thought in my head: "It's just my imagination."
All of the sudden arm appeared. That person from junkyard I met was right. The Tickling Man said: "Hello, Mark. What's matter? You think that man would save you? TOO BAD HE IS DEAD!!" He showed his head while blood was coming from his left ear.
I blinked and the Tickling Man was gone. Mom came and said: "Are you okay?" I said: "Yes, I am, mom." I told my friends about that and they told me they saw him too. I was afraid when I heard that. I couldn't sleep for weeks. It's been 2 months since I saw him. I tried my best to forget him, but I was always afraid he will get me. 
Category:Bad Creepypasta
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Blatant Ripoffs
Category:Shortpasta
The Tiger and Persimmon

One night a tiger came down to a village to eat a child and peeped into the window of a certain house. The child was crying, and the mother said, "A tiger is coming for you!" but the child did not stop. When the tiger saw this he thought to himself, "The child is not afraid of me at all!" The mother then said, "If you stop crying, I'll give you a dry persimmon." The child immediately stopped crying, and the tiger thought, "What a fearful thing a dried persimmon must be!" and gave up the idea of eating the child, and went to the cow-shed to steal a cow. Just at that moment a robber came, intending also to steal a cow. Mistaking the tiger for a cow he got astride him and rode off. The tiger thought, "This must be the persimmon!" and ran off at full speed. The people of the house had heard the noise and raised a hue and cry, but the robber whipped up his "cow" and escaped. When day dawned the robber realized his error and jumped off the tiger in a panic. The tiger also felt relieved and flew off like an arrow.
Category:Pre-Trollpasta
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:WHAT A TWIST!
Category:Animulz
Category:Shortpasta
The Time-Traveler

Don't dismiss this outright as the work of some raving lunatic. There's some sense to this story, if you'll just hear me out...
Look, we all wonder if time travel is possible, right? Well, let me tell you something... it is. I'm from the future, actually. I know you probably don't believe that, but seriously, I'm from the future. It's a really great thing; getting to see the past, watching events unfold... stuff like that. We know more now than we ever would.
Behind all the fun, though, there's a more serious aspect. We aren't supposed to go in our own lifetime, and we are NEVER allowed to contact our past selves. Let me tell you, I'm breaking that rule right now. Yes, kid, you're talking to yourself. Your future self. I'm going to be executed for this, but you know what? I accept that. I'm preventing something by talking to you that is WORSE than death. I can't tell you outright what to do, because the filters would catch it. This is the closest I can get, trust me. I can, however, send a little message.
You should probably read the first word of every paragraph, now.
Category:Bad Creepypasta
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:WHAT A TWIST!
Category:Shortpasta
The Time I Ate Bone...

One day, I was at my old friend's house where we had a feast on a lot of animal products. Even my vegan sister was there, eating vegan food.
I was dared to eat a part of a bone of a chicken leg. Peer pressure sucks, and so I bit into the bone, it was disgusting and blood was in my mouth. I spit it out with the blood from the teeth it misplaced. I didn't get the money, but I got a trip to my scary dentist.
I wasn't hungry anymore and I just played on my phone and prank called a pizza company to deliver to their other pizza place in the next town. Little did I know, I GAVE THEM MY ADRESS.
I said, 'prank'd' LOLOLOLOLO, spitting out my blood; then the pizza delivery dude got really mad and made my super duper sorry.
...
...
...
BECAUSE A SKELETON POPPED OUT!!!!
Category:Trollpasta
Category:And then a skeleton popped out
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Well, that was pointless.
Category:Shortpasta