Meriadoc Brandybuck

Meriadoc Brandyback, often referred to as Merry, is a Hobbit and close friend to Frodo Baggins. It said to have a love affair with Peregrin Took, although the poem indicates he is not gay. Merry is an important figure of Lord of the Rings books and films. He destroys Isengard alongside the Ents and fights bravely against Gothmog's army in Minas Tirith. Tolkien has described him as the most perceptive and intelligent of the Hobbits. And judging from the other Hobbits, Tolkien was probably right.
==Early Life==
Meriadoc Brandybuck was born in Shire, home of the Hobbits. His noble father, Saradoc, was Master of Buckland, while his mother, Esmeralda, was a famous hooker. Saradoc's family objected to the wedding, but they couldn't stop him. Meriadoc was the only child from this shameless marriage.
Meriadoc had a happy childhood with other Hobbit-children. In fact he was Pippin's first cousin and Frodo's distant cousin. Don't ask how. Those Hobbit family trees are really complicated. Anyway, Merry had lots of friends, including Samwise Gamgee. They used to take long walks in the field, singing Ke$ha's songs and playing poker. As a teenager, Merry witnessed a strange scene: he saw Bilbo Baggins becoming invisible in order to avoid a meeting with some annoying relatives. Startled, he got through the hedge and walked along the field inside. Then he watched as Bilbo reappeared and put a glint of gold in his pocket. It was the One Ring, but Merry thought it was an engagement ring.
==Lord of the Rings Achievements==
===Journey with Frodo===
Searching on Google, he learnt more about Bilbo's ring. He overheard Gandalf's plan to destroy it and he warned Samwise and Pippin. They got Gandalf's approval and they accompanied Frodo to his journey. He seemed to have a greater knowledge of the Old Forest than any of the other Hobbits. He was saved twice by that wacky humanoid, Tom Bombadil.
At the Prancing Pony, a well-known Strip club, he didn't drank much beer like the others and was able to get away from a Nazgul. During the trip through the wild with Aragorn, he often saw the most deeply into the others. Also, he explained to Pippin that they couldn't have all the meals, although it's cruel not to have some snacks.
After reaching Rivendell, he, with Pippin, insisted on not being left behind on the Quest of the Ring. Elrond didn't want to let them go, because he was planning to make them his royal entertainers. At Moria he fought very bravely. Orcs gave him the nickname grduhulz, which means the short badass who kills many of our kind. After the battle, he was the only one to have a torch and thus the fellowhip didn't get lost.
At the breaking of the Fellowship, Merry and Pippin had run straight into the company of Orcs as they were looking for Frodo. Boromir attempted to rescue them but the number of the Uruk-hai were too many and eventually he was shot dead. Captured with Pippin by Uruk-hai, the two were separated from the rest of the Fellowship. It is unknown whether he was raped during his captivity, but neither Merry nor Pippin talk a lot about it.
===Siege of Isengard and aftermath===
Both Hobbits were saved by some Rohirrim and they escaped to Fangorn Forest. They accidentally met Treebeard, an old Ent. Together, they drank a mysterious beverage, called "Ent-draught". After that, they convinced all the Ents to attack Saruman's fort, Isengard. The old wizard panicked and his pathetic Orcs couldn't stop the invaders.
The Ents destroyed all the buildings, including a big dam. The river water was impetuous and many Orcs took the opportunity to take bath, after a long long long long long time. After the battle, Treebeard appointed Merry and Pippin door-wardens of Orthanc, a title even Tolkien didn't know its meaning and utility. It was while they were enjoying Saruman's pipe-weed when they saw their former companions arriving after the Battle of Helm's Deep. They all had a big reunion party, with many champagne bottles and a couple of strippers.
While Pippin and Gandalf headed away to Minas Tirith, Merry stayed with Aragorn and the Rohirrim, traveling to Rohan. He developed a close friendship with Eowyn, King Theoden's adopted son daughter. He even became Theoden's esquire.
===Battle of Pelennor Fields===
Merry practised with his sword, eager for the battle outside Minas Tirith. However, was forbidden - firmly but gently - by Theoden to ride with them. "You are podgy my child", the King said. Merry was disappointed until a disguised Eowyn grasped Merry and put him on the horse as they ride for the battle. In this manner he rode to the Battle of the Pelennor Fields.
In front of the mighty walls of Minas Tirith, Merry proved his valor. Many Orcs recognised him and started yelling "Grduhulz gfunk rtr!" (the short badass who kills many of our kind is back). Merry really killed many enemies. Gothmog himself feared him a lot. But when Witch-king appeared, he was shaking with fright and nausea. Affected by his breath stench, Merry lay almost senseless on the ground. He was startled as he opened his eyes to find that Eowyn was thrown down. Merry rose to attack the Witch-king in order to protect her. He stabbed the Witch-king through the calf with his sword. He fainted once more as Eowyn finished off the Witch-king with a thrust into the head.
Merry was cured by a naughty nurse and soon he felt ready for one more battle. He needed rest though and so, he prefered to stay with the nurse.
==Today==
After the destruction of the One Ring, Merry was given a pair of woolen socks by Eowyn, as an appreciation present. Finally, all Hobbits returned to their beloved Shire. Merry continued his father's tradition and married Estella, a young prostitute. He also became Master of Buckland and a respected nobleman. After his retirement, Merry traveled all around Middle-earth, writing various travel guides. Nowadays, he lives in New York with his three cats, Bibi, Lili and Didi.
==Controversies==
Merry's sexual orientation causes considerable controversy in Middle-earth. Many people believe he's gay and he had a love affair with Pippin. "Jesus Christ! We are relatives, remember? I have done nothing wrong with Pippin", he stated once at BBC. What is more, many argue that his nickname clearly sounds like the female name Mary. Regarding this, Merry has said: "Come on people! We speak different languages. Merry means handsome or happy. It really does".
On the other hand, there are rumors for him to being a womenizer. He is said to have slept with many Hobbit-girls, as well as Galadriel, Eowyn and Katy Perry. When asked, Merry sang: "I'm a little boy, you're a little girl, lalalala".
==See also==
*Frodo Baggins
*Peregrin Took
*Samwise Gamgee
Category:The Lord of the Rings
Category: Hobboeroticism
Category:People shorter than Napoleon Bonaparte
Category:People you should never leave your girlfriend alone with
Category:People you should never leave your boyfriend alone with
pt:Meriadoc Brandebuque