Evil Is A Disease. I'm Patient Zero

It was late at night. I entered a diner, somewhere on some highway through some lonely area. There was the cook in the kitchen. A pretty waitress. Two burly trucker types. And some frazzled looking businessman.
I sat down at the counter. "Give me some coffee. Extra black. Like my soul." I smirked devilishly.
The waitress' eyes widened and her lips quivered with desire. I should mention I'm tall and handsome, wearing a leather jacket, and I ride a motorbike. She got me the coffee. I took a sip.
"This coffee is shit." I said.
One of the burly truckers approached me. I smirked at him devilishly. "Don't be rude." he said.
I reached out and grabbed him by the neck. I tore his throat out. Blood went everywhere, but somehow none on me. The other trucker stood up and pulled a knife. He ran at me. The businessman was panicking and trying to use his mobile phone.
I grabbed the trucker's hand and disarmed him. I pushed him onto the counter and shoved the knife into his shoulder and into the counter. He was stuck there, begging me to pull out the knife. I walked over to the businessman. He peed and pood himself. I could smell it.
I smirked at him devilishly despite the poo and wee wee smells. I took his phone, and then forced it down his throat. I made him swallow his phone, and he died from lithium poisoning instantly, vomiting all over himself, but nothing got on me.
At this point, the cook came out of the kitchen. They had a shotgun. They aimed it at me. "Stop." they said.
I just smiled at them. "No, you." I said in a cold tone. I also smirked devilishly.
The cook started screaming as they pointed the shotgun at their own head. I was controlling them with powers. "NO PLEA-". And then boom. It was really gory with brains and bits of bone and blood and all of that stuff.
I walked back to the counter. The waitress was there, breathing heavily. Her eyes were wild. She was excited at the gory schlock. "You like this, don't you?" I asked, and smirked devilishly.
"Y-yes, this shit makes me so hot..." she moaned.
"Kill this trucker." I said. The trucker, still pinned to the bar, was barely conscious from loss of blood but started begging again. She took a knife from the kitchen and cut his throat, gasping in ecstasy as she watched him die.
I turned to leave, knowing that she had totally had an orgasm and I was responsible. The thought made me smirk devilishly as I strode to the door.
"W-wait... Who are you... I have to know.... I have to know who I will be killing for..." she begged.
I turned and met her gaze. I smiled and my eyes glowed red. The pure Evil made her orgasm again somehow. "When you kill... You'll be killing for me."
I turned to leave again. Then I paused. I glanced around and smirked devilishly. "I'm Satan." I paused again. Somehow, my smirk became even more devilish. "Pleased to meet you."
As she had another Evil-induced orgasm (or should I say Me-induced) at the revelation of who I am, she became Evil. She caught the Evil from me. And she's going to be a serial killer or something now.
I left the diner and got on my bike. I rode off into the darkness. My eyes glowed like red glowing brake lights, but smaller. I smirked devilishly into the night as I rode.
(Will there be a part two? Who knows! It depends on if I feel like telling you all of my true stories, all of which involve causing women to orgasm because I'm so Evil. I am Satan after all, and also very attractive and ride a leather jacket and have a motorbike. Also I have mirror shades. I was wearing them the whole time by the way.)
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:DIALOGUE!
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Look at me! I'm SO EDGY!
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep