Air Zimbabwe

Air Zimbabwe is the flagship national airline of Africa's most pleasant country, Zimbabwe. It is known as Zimbabwe's finest airline due to having the highest safety standards of any airline in said nation (recording an average of 900a small number of deaths a week). Despite the terriblesuperb safety record, Air Zimbabwe is also famous for a 95% rate of passengers boarding for the purpose of suicide. But everyone knows that's Western propaganda, surely?? 
The vast majority of Air Zimbabwe aircraft take off with nofuel, with the world's worst finest pilots praying to god they will somehow make it to the airportsipping cocktails and talking to each other while the crappyworld class autopilot does all the work. 
Air Zimbabwe; "Panowuya imwe nguva yamunoda kukandwa zvinotyisa kupfura mudenga muhure yesimbi inofamba nemoto inoputika; fungai isusu." (next time you want to hurtle through the skies in a pressurized metal tube powered by exploding fuel; think of us).
==Fleet==
Air Zimbabwe's fleet comprises 3 drunk flying pigs and a wet fish
In detail, the fleet consists of 3, heavily damaged, Boeing 707 that run in one-tenth of of the total fuel capacity per trip. 
The 'wet fish' is the greatest plane in Air Zimbabwe's history, and probably the whole world. It has endured 3 shots of stinger missiles and a 15 mile marathon while under fire by Nazi AA Guns. Because of the plane's proud, enduring flight, it has not been repaired. Ever.
==Notable Destinations==
*Tripoli
*Harare
*London
*Mugabegrad
*(Insert Mugabe holiday destination here)Air Zimbabwe will start regular flights to Neverland by November 31.
*Numerous crash sites throughout Africa.
*Johannesburg
*Cincinnati
*Melbourne
*Equatorial GuineaThis flight was detained at Harare airport for not bribing the right people
*EthiopiaAir Zimbabwe once operated a flight - only once - to Ethiopia. These flights were cancelled because the communist government shot down the aircraft because they believed it was an American Airways flight.
=Welcome=
Air Zimbabwe, among other things is famous for its welcome to its passengers. This is a traditional welcome used by pilots before take off:
:
Good day and thank you for flying Air Zimbabwe.
==Meals==
Once again, Air Zimbabwe is famous for the meals it provides. This promotional video, supplied by Air Zimbabwe, shows this:
<youtube width="380" height="390">WTnUHY9eNNk</youtube>
==Untrue Rumours==
*Air Zimbabwe is NOT the worst airline in the world.
*Air Zimbabwe DOES care about it's passengers safety.
*Air Zimbabwe DOES provide the safest service between Cincinnati and Los Angeles without flying to Melbourne
*Air Zimbabwe DOES allow furries to use it's planes.
*Air Zimbabwe DOES allow smoking (even the engines are allowed to smoke, especially when we're crashing into the Congo) 
*Air Zimbabwe's planes were NOT purchased from the Russian Air Force.
*Air Zimbabwe has NOT experienced 20 crashes, The 19 that did happen have resulted in a change of policy, all Americans must be weighed before they board.
*Air Zimbabwe's fleet DOES NOT consist of Douglas DC-3s from 1945. It consists of stolen broken seminew Boeing 707 directly from the 1960s section of the Mojave Airplane junkpile.
BLACK PIGS!
Please refer to Robert Mugabe for further information on these facts. We hope you good luck! Please fly Air Zimbabwe on your way there (hope you don't get hit by a truck on the way).
== In flight extras ==
Are not available, since the currency required to pay for them would destabilise the aircraft. This is all the fault of the British, who exercise absolute power in Zimbabwe and It Has Nothing At All To Do With The Government.
== Official Enemies of Air Zimbabwe ==
#Gravity
#Lift
#Drag
#Turbulence
#Wind
#Air
#Ground
#Physics
#Metal
#Passengers
#Money
== In the event of an emergency ==
Please make your way at extreme velocity to the front of the aircraft (or section thereof). If you are unable to do so, distribute your body parts at wide intervals to make it easier for search & rescue personnel to locate and identify you.
Your seat base contains a life jacket, and your seat cushion may be used a a flotation device if you know how to float. And have a seat cushion. Or a seat, for that matter.
Thank you for flying Air Zimbabwe, and we hope you survive your flight.
==See also== 
* Qantas
* Robert Mugabe
* Why?: Not fly Air Zimbabwe?
==Notes==
Category:Transportation
Category:Airlines
Category:Zimbabwe
Category:Africa
Category:Aviation
pt:Air Zimbabwe