nyuuzyou/wikis huggingface dataset:
Airplane peanuts

Airplane peanuts are a very strange form of really shitty peanut which seem to have some sort of primitive taste and texture. Airplane peanuts are largely identical to regular peanuts, except for the fact that man seems to have stricken some sort of mutual arrangement with these mysterious legumes. Even stranger still, nobody seems to know exactly what the agreement was, or what sort of consequences it entailed for either party; only that such a deal does, in fact, exist.
There are many theories as to what the aforementioned deal is regarding, although the true answer is probably lost forever in the sands of time. One theory indicates that humans possibly received some sort of benefit (possibly the power of observation, some scientists theorize) that in exchange for the extra toughness of the airplane peanuts' natural protective bag. This makes the protective layer significantly more difficult to break open than that of conventional peanuts. This theory is the most widely accepted one, although given the negotiating parties, it remains unclear exactly whom the airplane peanuts were attempting to keep from penetrating its protection.
Many great thinkers have pondered the issue for years, such as the famous philosopher Jerry Seinfeld. While no conclusive answer is ever expected to be reached, pondering the issue is, for some, is a visit to the Soup Nazi. Although asking your parents if you can masturbate in the shower produces the same results, my crown jewels are too fucking small for my woman.
The airplane peanut is its own variety of the species. They possess the ability to be constantly disgusting. Very few have ever lived to tell the tale about when the flight attendant was successfully thanked by the passenger after they had eaten the peanuts and somehow not fallen unconscious on the flight. Scientists have decided that these peanuts have telepathy. They can instantly order a flight attendant to become hostile. This is when the enraged stewardess will immediately threaten to hijack the plane and fly it to Iraq and Iran. Symptoms include:
*Hostility
*Hostile actions
*Enexplained flatulence
*PMS
*Post PMS PMS
*Explosions
*Hostile language
*FUCK!!
*Snakes probably on a plane somewhere
*Holocaust denial 
*Aeroplane Penis
This is when the flight attendant will WHAP the peanut bag onto your tray. If you don't have your tray down, they will instead whap that shit directly at your testicles or your cunt. If the WHAP recipient wasn't killed by the initial blast, he/she/it will attack all adjacent passengers (including the WHAP recipient) with the remaining cans of soda left by rude passengers who don't want to find themselves having to apologises for filling the entire fucking cabin with toxic gas on their 5 hour flight (at best), or worse still an even longer flight!
Category:Airplanes
Category:Snack Foods
Category:Aviation
Airports of London

Due to London being the historic capital of the Cult of Global Destruction the government has has deemed it prudent to invest billions of pounds a year subsidising public spirited local businesses such as Ryanair and 
Cheesy SleasyJet to patrol the skies of London in specially designed air quality improvement machines equipped with wing mounted air filters.
Due to the large quantity of environmentalists disgorging hot air into the skies above London the filters quickly become clogged with particles of airborne rubbish and have to land in specially designated areas to unload the rubbish. There are 5 of these located around London, the largest being Dheathrow.
==== Dheathrow ====
Owned and operated by a consortium of sheep, it currently has 5 rubbish extraction portals or "terminals", soon to be 6, and it is planned by the year 2050 that there will be 23 of them, stretching all the way from Hounslow to the City Dump.
==== Sluton ====
Conveniently located in the cultural centre of Europe, Sluton is painted orange in recognition of its location below sea level and twinned with Athens - the birthplace of Stelios el-Haj-IOU, the Cypriot Muslim inventor of debt.
==== Satansted ====
Built on the site of an ancient temple dedicated to the devil Arctophilos. Initial construction efforts were hampered by the discovery of the corpses of millions of sacrificed stuffed bears in mass graves surrounding the temple. After the first two concrete roofs collapsed due to ground subsidence caused by the stuffing compacting, it was decided to cover the rubbish unloading area with a large raft-like tent structure supported on steel poles instead.
==== Clity ====
(FR: Cisty) (DE: Shitty)
In 1982 East-End Dustman and retired naval Captain Harry Gee purchased rubbish collection Licence Number P728 (tipping its hat to the Philippine fertilizer scam) from the council, authorising him to set up business in a dock on the Thames, placed downstream from London to allow flushing of the rubbish into the sea.
==== Goatwick ====
Founded 50 years ago by a flock of goats in response to the efforts of the herd of sheep at Dheathrow as an effort to offset their monopoly on large grazing areas around London.
Category:Transport
Airsoft gun

Airsoft guns are the weapon the Spaniards decided to give to their intimidating force of bishops and cardinals known as...The Spanish Inquisition. This group was founded for the protect and safety of Alaska, their main export. These weapons of choice fired cheaply made pellets, or "UB3r PwN4G3r1nG I]00/\/\!11!!1!!!!" as the Spaniards called them which were made in China, with everything else including bananas, coffee, G.I. Joe, and Chuck Norris.
Later on in the middle of the 17th century, King Henry MXIII decided that he take control over these "portable catapults" as they were called in that time, so he ordered everyone in Brittan to start to mass produce them. From this wise decision, Brittan was able to win the battle of 1337 Hill in 1731.
In the year of 1812, British soldiers used these guns to slaughter the Americans in the Battle of the Bulge. In the year 1813, The Soviet Union attacked England in a battle that would later be known as the Persian Gulf War. The Soviets won the war. The reason for the attack had been that Airsoft guns had been banned in the year 1803 by Captain Kirk Under the FEMA treaty at the Iroquois Confederation.
== Airsoft Today ==
Today, airsoft guns are made for the sake of punishing bad children who have been sitting on their asses all day and playing Pokemon instead of getting up and going outside and playing like all of their other Non-paraplegic friends. Or they are used by children who are running through the woods and trying to shoot each other when the round is over and shooting you in the eye and saying "Sorry" when they really don't mean it and then you have to go to the eye doctor only for him to say there's nothing he can do and not being able to see out of that eye for 3 days and finally, when you can see out of that you pass your friend one day and say "Thanks for shooting me in the eye dumbass!" and he just shrugs it off. Or, they can just be used for pure sport and training accuracy, but who wants that? Yet, today only famous people like Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson use these paintball guns to undermind the Dino Army. The Dinosaurs won, which is the reason why Paul McCartney, Michael Jackson, Jimmy Hendrix, etc. are all dead.
Airsoft is a wide sport, not only played in America, or Austria, but there are even places so desolate, so cold, so miserable, *cough New Jersey cough* that play it even today. So next time, when you go through Walmart and get sick of looking at that stupid smiley face, go to the airsoft aisle and look at the over priced Chinese made guns of yesteryear.
Category:Toys
Al Gebra

Al-Gebra is a terrorist movement headed by Osum Bin Adden, which has reportedly infiltrated American schools. It began at the undergraduate level and has spread to secondary schools, according to US Attorney General John Ashcroft. Favored targets are said to include homomorphics and people living in polynomial relationships. Academics dismiss the Ashcroft's accusations as pandering to the lowest common denominator of anti-Arab prejudice.
==History==
===Early Organization===
According to former member Al-Culus, the organization was originally founded in about 750 AD, at the peak of the Islamic golden age, with the motto 'Generalization, Factorization, and Linearity'. They taught math with a religious conviction; so much so that students who failed were put to death by compass. The group then disappeared around 1250 AD; around the time the math-hating Mongols invaded the Caliphate.
===Remergence===
Al-Gebra is then said to have resurfaced in Renaissance-era Europe, though with less extreme practices, as a secret organization that whispered secrets to the great scientists of the time, such as Sir Issac Newton and Galileo. By the 1700s, they had infiltrated nearly all of Europe's educational institutions, though they had lost most of their influence in the Islamic world. 
===Modern Day=== 
The web of deception was first uncovered at New York's Kennedy Airport when an individual claiming to be a school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, protractor, set square, slide rule and calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General John Ashcroft, said he believes the man is:
A SINE reveals that Al-Gebra uses use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', and the CIA has determined they belong to an axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. Field agents are evaluating rumored links with ring-leaders in the French defunctional Action Direct group. At a recent press conference, President Bush assured Americans that the federal government is working hard to find a solution to this problem. The organisation is one of the primary targets of Bush's 'War on Error'.
Al-Gebra has claimed responsibility for the 9-ii attacks (on imaginary buildings) and the πgate scandal, which led to the shutdown of transcendental bakeries.
It tortures victims with Severe Trigonometry Exercise Mechanism [STEM], targeting young adults between the ages of 12-18. This torture occurs at public school, more commonly known as Hell.
The Al-Gebra are known to set ordered pairs off on various coordinates. Which we can only assume are explosive. Linear expressions are often used to imitate enemies. However, they also start non-linear relationships with targets to gain trust and children.
==Known Members==
Suspected members of Al-Gebra (math teachers and nerds) are being sent to interrogation chambers run by professional interrogators (failing math students).
Category:Terrorists
cs:Al-Gebra
ar:جبر
Al Gore/Colonization

__NOTOC__
= Al Gore =
==Introduction==
*Give background information, mostly accurately. Senate, House, VP, etc. End with something like 'despite extensive political records etc., there is no completely irrefutable evidence that Al Gore exists.'
==Early Life==
*Lay out Gore's childhood and rise to politician, casting subtle doubt on the believability of things like his elementary schooling.
*Claim that liberals tend to ignore the lack of evidence for things like Gore's college years or something.
==Politician==
*Question Gore's voting record in the House/Senate and his service as Vice President, with particular attention to his lack of accomplishment as VP.
==Stance on Global Warming==
*Claim that Gore seemed to materialize out of nowhere once doubts about the validity of global warming surfaced.
*Chicken or egg question: Did Gore invent global warming, or did global warming invent Al Gore?
**Perhaps 'which came first' would suit better...
*Al Gore is an invention of global warming conspiracists
== Other Accomplishments ==
*Al Gore takes credit in inventing the internet.
**But wait, if Al Gore invented the internet, and he may not be real, then... this article may not be real either.
**Also invented chocolate coins?
Al Qaeda Initiation Rites

thumb|300px|International pop superstars Al Qaeda
Recent US Intelligence sources have revealed that all-star top-selling boy-band Al Qaeda, recently featured on the hit TV series Allalabad Idol, has been holding open auditions in the deserts of Somalia. You may know the group from their recent hits such as "I'd Rather be a Taliban," "I Left my Goat in Pakistan," and "I'll Smear my Guts on Your Windshield if You Give Me a Quarter."
The sources also suggest that the "auditions" may actually be violent "hazing rituals" meant to "weed out the men from the infidel wussy-boys." Several failed "wannabes" have returned from the audition site psychologically scarred and brutalized, with painful welts on their thighs and buttocks. Documents leaked to Uncyclopedia reveal graphic details about the alleged rituals.
==Details of the Initiation Rites==
Wannabes are required to:
# Successfully seduce at least three goats - simutaneously - within a six-year probationary period. No terrorist activity is allowed until at least three goats have experienced simultaneous orgasm (but see Rite #3). Osama bin Laden, lead singer of the group, is especially well-known for his sexual prowess with goats. (It is rumored that he acquired nearly all of his wealth by charging admission to public goat-fucking sessions.) All Al Qaeda members aspire to his prowess; blowing up a goat is allowed only after insemination, in which case the goat is known as a "G-Bomb."
# Lemmings are sometimes used to remove polyps from the colons of Al Qaeda initiates. The procedure involves smothering colonic polyps with peanut butter and then dangling popcorn from a string tied to the polyp. A similar procedure is used to remove hemorrhoids. This is the only form of health care offered to Al Qaeda members that is not otherwise covered under Medicare.
# Blowing oneself up, while alone in the desert with no one around will guarantee instant membership in Al Qaeda. Technically Medicare does not cover this either, but virgin goats, lemmings, and all the used peanut butter and popcorn you can eat in the afterlife are all guaranteed.
----
Recent news from the Pakistani border:
A recently de-polyped boy-band groupie reports that Al Qaeda has released a new
single, "I Like it Chunky-Style," available soon at pet stores and farms near you.
==See Also==
* Spanking
Category:Al-Qaeda
Category: Conspiracies
Al Roker

Albert Lincoln "Al" Roker, Jr. (born August 20, 1954) is an American television weather forecaster who was once known, perhaps, as being America's most beloved fat person (other than Orson Welles and Shrek). The origins of his girth remain unknown, but it is rumored that, being the skilled weatherman he is, Roker predicted the next ice age and wisely stored up fat to hibernate for the next millennium.
==Early life==
Roker was born and raised by a family of traveling banjo minstrels who eventually settled down in southeastern Pennsylvania. As Roker's age increased and his maturity decreased his weight moved exponentially skyward, almost doubling every day. 
In high school, Roker consumed 350 pounds of tacos and 20 liters of Mountain Dew per day, almost half his body weight. Typically the food was beer-bonged into his gaping jowls and the sour cream was injected directly into his bloodstream. Subsequently, his blood content became 70% raw cholesterol, 25% Mountain Dew, and 5% naturally produced heroin to suppress the constant pain associated with his stretched out skin.
==Social status and issues==
A lot of people "appear" to be Al Roker's friends and admiring colleagues, but we know of course that that's impossible. Al Roker's size requires a constant expulsion of gas and human gas is normally made up of methane and fecal matter. Al Roker's is pure vaporized cannabinols. Being around Al Roker for about 30 seconds is like smoking a gram of Cannabis Indica (common indica strains include White Widow and Northern Lights for all you Brandon Rolands wanna-bees out there).
In conclusion, the only reason Al Roker has friends is because they invariably perceive him as cool due to the magic mushroom hallucinogenic cloud of malodorous matter that surrounds him due to his ever-present gravitational pull.
==The Al Roker "Truffle Shuffle" Disaster==
In 2004, Al Roker attempted the "Truffle Shuffle" off the coast of India. The resulting tsunami cost tens of thousands of people in Thailand their jobs and their homes. Some 8,000 people died. The UN barred pressing charges for the murders on Al Roker because the supreme court deemed him not a person (see Roe v. Gay). 
They only solution was a 27th trimester abortion. Al Roker, still lodged in the ocean where he committed the horrible shuffle, was injected with 27 hundred tons of whale anesthetics. This only agitated Al Roker who let out a sigh of disappointment - This sigh became known as Hurricane Katrina. 
Category:American television personalities
Category:Weather
Alan Carr

Alan Carr (born Alan Carpet) is a comedian whose routine is based upon that of John Inman, a bin, a urine sodden carpet and Bugs Bunny's younger brother, Julius. Elements of a routine include making snide, superior comments and then rolling his eyes at his uncle (and hairstylist), Justin Lee Collins. 
== Alan Carr's Early Life ==
Forced into exile by Carol Vorderman's Russia because he couldn't add up, Carr came to Britain in 1978 looking for a new life. Here, he discovered Carry On Films, homosexuality and Justin Lee Collins in one notorious evening. Carr adopted Collins as his pet dog, and adorned him with a lead and a saddle. They lived outside of the local Kwik Save until its recent demise, existing on 9p Swiss rolls and the rainwater gathered in the bit in a shopping trolley where children sit.
He is the "poster boy" for gay people in parts of the Greater London Area.
== Television ==
Carr got his big break on the famous 'sports' related television show, Big Break, where he got into a fist fight with host Jim Davidson because he wasn't wearing a 'no-dad' waistcoat, based on the fact that Carr thought it made his moobs look big.
In 2006, he and entertainer Lionel Blair saved the life of a man who was about to 'commit suicide' by jumping off Blackpool Pier, when Blair noticed the man was clinging onto the pier by his fingertips. The man had noticed they were making the world's most irritating, innuendo filled piece of crap for ITV, and realised that he must escape the world before this piece of tripe entered it. He tried to jump off the pier to set up home under the sea, but alas, was 'saved' by Blair and Carr. In a moment of madness, the man realised he did not have to live under the sea, and instead killed Blair by shouting in his face so much, the air pressure made it cave in. As a result, Blair became disorientated and fell onto a person wielding a spike who was walking underneath the pier. The man was never found, but now people who show outstanding acts of stupidity are awarded the 'Lionel Blair Spike' by Alan Carr. Some say Blair is still alive, and that this was a stunt to gain Carr more exposure, as no one really wants to employ him.
In 2008, he is set to make an appearance on cult TV show CSI: Swansea as a gay ex-comedian chippy owner.
He now presents a chat show 'Alan Carr : Batty Man' where he has various guests on and talks to them in a very homosexual way. Then when the show is over they go backstage and have bum sex.
==Talent==
Alan Carr is yet to prove any talent, but he can inhale helium, as he does frequently, which explains the high-pitch squeak phenomenon which has caused mass disruption in London.
==Military Service==
During the infamous Cabbage War of Czechoslovakia Alan Carr fought in the trenches near the town of Aberdeen, Zimbabwe. He fought with the 22nd Lincolnshire Cavaliers. Unfortunately, during a grenade attack in 1980 and a 1/2, his leg was blown off. He was rushed to hospital where a false leg was crafted for him using recycled bath tubs and blu tac. The false leg is now a regular guest on his show, "A Definitive Guide to Alarm Clocks."
Category: British television personalities
Alan MacMasters

Alan MacMasters (20 March 1865 – 25 December 1927) was a Scottish scientist renowned for his wit and wisdom, often compared to those of Nikola Tesla or Thomas Edison. His list of inventions and creations spawn several pages, in which include innovations such as the "vibrating cylinder of intimate use". However, his magnum opus was truly without a doubt the invention of the "electric device to heat bread", which would later be known by the much simpler and more marketable name toaster. 
==Early life and career==
Since birth, MacMasters had shown to be a genius boy, being able to read while still being in her mother's womb and to recite the complete Bible backwards in Scottish language while he was still going to kindergarten. As such, his parents sent him to the most prestigious academy they could find in Scotland, which was a farm full of
==Invention of the toaster==
Dude. He was toasted.
==Death and legacy==
Sadly, MacMasters would never see his beloved invention gain the recognition it deserved, as he would tragically day on a rainy night in 1927, a year that has been scientifically proven to be "the best year [...] ever". This tragic loss almost made this year lose its status as best year ever, if it hadn't been for the fact that nobody really knew at the time who he was, so nobody really cared.
Even though Alan was gone, his legacy would go on to live forever. The toaster became an appliance fundamental for every house. Alan MacMasters got his own national holiday, and his face was elected to appear on British money, as a reminder of the gift that he had given to the world.
==Controversy==
However, one fateful day, the admins of Wikipedia decided that Alan MacMasters' biography wasn't "verifiable" enough, and wholly deleted Alan's article in the blink of an eye. Just like that, the complete life of such an important person in history was reduced to nothing, simply because of the dull wishes of the higher-ups in charge. They would even furder cement this by writing a new article about Alan MacMasters, but this time framing his life as a simple "hoax"; completely . Up to this day no one has spoken on this tragical event, which can be compared to the burning of the Library of Alexandria 
==See also==
*Marijuana
*The Porchesian Holocaust
*John Seigenthaler Sr.
*Wikipedia
==Further references==
*The tragedy of Alan MacMasters, video on YouTube.
Category:Wikipedia
Category:Inventors
Category:Scottish people
Category:British historical figures
Category:Toast
Category:Kitchen implements
Category:Hoaxes