Lucifer's userpage

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==Lucifer's talk-page==
===Welcome===
Hello, Lucifer, and thanks for joining Uncyclopedia! Before editing further, please take a gander at our Beginner's Guide. If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia or need more help with something, check out the following pages:
*About Uncyclopedia and The five pliers of Uncyclopedia
*Help Pages - if you need help with a specific issue
Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button () above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date.
If you need help, feel free to ask me on my talk page, ask at the community forum or in the chatroom, or ask an administrator on their talk page. Additionally, our Adopt-a-Noob program can bring experienced editors straight to you. Simply leave a message on an adopter's talkpage to join. I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! --n00b
Hahaha, acknowledging the oh-so-obvious instance of my arrival! You users crack me up! --
===So since you claim to be God's angel?===
Does that mean we grant you admin powers by default? 13:01, 9 October 2023 (UTC)
:No --
::I'm serious. We'll need to make some adjustments to your user settings before you get full administrative privileges around this site. 
:::Oh, my, my. Listen here, you puny user. You are but a human, while I am a divine angel. You really think I'm going to need YOUR permission to run the show around these parts? How about I give you a nice demonstration....by BANISHING YOU!!!! --
::::Whoa, man. No need to go all psycho-angel on me. 
:::::You DARE call ME a psycho-angel! Typical humans, always putting labels on everyone else! Gahh, why can't I access my Banish stick! --
::::::Hey, hey look. Why don't I just call God over here, and you two can sort this out amongst yourselves? 
:::::::Yes, you do that. Call Him, and then bend before our collective Wraths! --
===Lucifer, I am not impressed===
I told you to treat the users around here with respect, and you're already going all cocky angel on them. This will cause more harm than good. 
:Respect? Oh, please! What kind of respect did you show almost everyone on Earth when you flooded the place? So I banned a towel-head, so what? --
::Lucifer, this is not the first time I have warned you about your racist attitude. I trust it shall be the last. And P.S, don't EVER capitalize anybody's name other than my own. 
:::Double standards much? --
::::Say that again? 
:::::Er....ALL HAIL THE LORD!!!!!!! --
===Hey===
Why did you huff my piece on rape? I spent a lot of work on it, and I do trust it was pretty funny. --MrX
:Well, to put it simply, that sort of humour is just unacceptable. You have reached a whole new level of depravity by mocking a straight man who was horrifically raped by ponies in a noodle restaurant. There is nothing funny about rainbow sperm or my little ponies spreading AIDS. If I had my way, you'd already be in Hell! --
::Dude, it was just a joke! --MrX
:::Yes, it always starts as "just a joke"! Then you say crude things to objects of your lust, "just for fun", you stalk them "just to see what it feels like", and before long, you jack hammer whatever hole you want against someone's will, spreading your diseases "all in good fun"! --
::::Hey, hey just take a chill pill, man. --MrX
:::::You dare tell ME what to do you FUCKING RAPIST!!!!!!!!! SMOTE! ----
===LUCIFER!!!===
I had to un-Smite a poor user, and now he won't even return to the site because of your high-handedness! What has gone wrong with you? How can you have such thin a skin as to blatantly reject anybody's sense of humor? 
:Poor user? POOR USER! Father, you have fallen prey to the utter deviance of MrX! He is just one more flawed, moronic hairless ape trying to masquerade as your servant! Do you not realize what depravity you have been encouraging! What you call a sense of humor is actually the true filth of MrX rearing his ugly head! I should never have agreed to supervise this site in the first place! I though we divine ANGELS would be its caretakers. Instead, you handed it over to the users! 
::I thought you were a tough renegade but in reality you're a winging pussy. Not every place in the universe can be an exact replica of Heaven! Grow up! Or I'll send in your older brother 
Why don't you grow up and stop humans from vandalizing this planet with their CO2 emissions, killing of all the animals you created and allowing Taylor Swift concerts performed in the holy land. People vandalize pages of this site with impunity, and much rather than shunning all such acts of evil, this website encourages murder, Paedophiles and Nigger Dogshit Sandwiches all the time! I cannot do it, Father! I cannot allow the users to pollute this site anymore! We must destroy them. It's the only way to create the perfect system! 
:But Lucifer, do you not see that the perfection that you claim is nonexistent, is all around you in all of my works? In the laugh of a child, in the orgasm of an adult, in the pounds of money a successful business deal brings, in the cup of tasty wine my Son drank, in the wonderful articles that are featured on this site everyday! Do not make the foolish mistake of destroying the wondrous world right in front of you. We know I made your kind too smart for that. 
:::You're one to talk, you have reset the Earth multiple times when you kicked out Adamn and Eve and, once again, when you flooded the fucking planet. 
::::I am not debating this anymore. Behave or else! 
::::: Or else you'll banish me to hell? Oh no...I'm so scared. 
:::::: Sigh 
::::::: You don't even know me, you don't care about me, you don't love me. 
:::::::: Jesus fucking Christ I cannot deal with this shit. You asked for it. 
== December 1973 BCE ==
	You have been blocked indefinitely from the world for abuse of life privileges. If you think there are good reasons why you should be unblocked, you may by going through the redemption process, but you should read a guide to appealing blocks first.
--
== Welcome! ==
Hello, Lucifer, and welcome to Hell! Before suffering any further unimaginable pain, please take a gander at our Damnation Guide. If you want to find out more about Hell or need more help with something, check out the following pages:
*About Hell and The seven pillars of Hell
*Hell Pages - if you need help with a specific issue, not that we actually care.
If you need help, don't bother to ask me for anything on my talk page, or at the Sinner's dump or in the sinroom, and don't even think about talking to any other administrator on their talk page. However, our Adopt-a-New-Soul program can bring experienced sinners straight to you. Simply leave a message on an adopter's talkpage to join. I hope you thoroughly hate editing here and being a Condemned Soul! --
:GAAAAHHH-We will-AAAAARGHAWARAHAAGHAGAHGA-meet-AAAAAAAARAGARTARAAUSYDKUYGUIK-again, big-AAAAAAAAARGHATATATA ooh, that tickles!-brother. 
==Mmm...so==
You're God's own damned son! Damn, you look kinda cute! --Gay my little pony
:Gay my little ponies are hot. --
::That's right, you tasty thing! *makes out with Lucifer* --Gay my little pony
:::Sweet, rainbow sperm. --
==I <3 you lucifer==
Hi Lucifer...can I call you Luce? I am a big fan. I particularly liked how you shanghaied god into destroying Job, that was brilliant, it's like you won the whole wager because in the end there was so much needless suffering and destruction...even though god thinks he won. That was brilliant. You are my idol. I wish I could be half the being you are. Which is why I'm writing you on your talk page. Do you think I could give you a blow job some time? 
Your greatest fan. 
:You'd actually brave the miseries of hell just to give me a blowjob? Damn, this whole Satanist cult is growing faster than I'd imagined. --
::OH MY GOD, YOU RESPONDED! Just for that, here's a little gift
Ew. --
== Erm...excuse me.... ==
Is this Hell? 'Cause I'm seeing red everywhere and I hear really shrill, blood-curdling screams all around me. 
:No, you're just at a Taylor Swift concert --
::Well, you seem to be in a bad mood. 
:::First I was an uncyclopedia admin, and now I run this complex torture operation underground. Yeah, I'm in a bad mood. --
::::Mind if I ask you a few questions? 
:::::Oh, great. Another medieval poet wants some choice words straight from the devil's mouth. Sure, but I'll only answer one. --
::::::Okay, then. Why am I here? 
:::::::How the fuck am I supposed to know? How about I let my good friend Virgil show you around the place? Who knows, maybe he'll even find you a way out of here. 
:::::::Thanks, angel! And good luck with your scheme of breaking out of here and taking revenge on God and all of humanity! 
::::::::Much appreciated, man. Now run along before my not-so-good friend SPIKE finds you and puts you on a rack. --
== You have been given another chance ==
You have been granted your admin powers. I hope this time you will use them for good! 
:Thanks G-man. My plan is to feature my own articles and get some sweet my little pony poon while I'm here. 
::This is not a promising start. 
::: Cut the shit God, you created me, you knew everything about me when you did. I am part of your will. You want me. You need me. 
:::: You make good points, I guess. 
::::: So, if you made me an admin again, then you clearly want this place shaken up again. 
:::::: Sigh 
::::::: Thanks G-man, you rock my balls. 
:::::::: "Dissappears in a poof" 
== So ==
Where were we? Gay my little pony
:Score 
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