nyuuzyou/wikis huggingface dataset:
I Need to Catch the Train

It was spring 1982. The moon shined like a white bowl of milk as I sat on the bench of a dark train station in Birmingham, Alabama. 
I suddenly checked behind my shoulder expecting someone to be watching me. I was supposed to catch a train at 5:00 AM, but due to unforeseen circumstances. I arrived at 3:00 AM just in time to feel the cold wind chill my spine. I'm not the type of man who gets frightened easily, but tonight was an exception.
The cold wind once again shook my eyesight and I checked behind my shoulder again. Picking up my briefcase I decided I would go try to find a hotel to stay in... that's when it happened. I stood up, turned to my left, and started to walk briskly toward the gate I had come in through.
Suddenly I heard what sounded like a mix between the chilling wind and steam whooshing out of some large machine. I quickly turned and saw to my surprise... nothing. I let out a sigh of relief. I spun around and jogged towards the exit starting to sweat when I heard him.
"Sir! Sir! Please help! I need to catch the train!!!" he yelled. I spun around and put my fists up when I was shocked to see a tall, thin man running towards me carrying a briefcase similar to mine. I yelled.
"What do you want?!" The man walked closer and I got a better look at him. He was wearing a lined grey business suit,a top hat, and a long thin mustache that curled on each end.
"I just need some help, sir," he said softly with a pant.
"I'm sorry, I have to go." I nervously replied.
"Please sir! I need to catch the train!" He said, heightening his voice as I attempted to walk away.I knew it might be dangerous to talk to this man, but I replied by saying
"There are no trains running right now.".
"No you see sir I'm goneI need your help Joseph." I gasped.
"How do you know m-my name?" I manage to push out as the mans eyes showed truth.
"I'll help you my friend but you must guide me. Where is the train?"I began to walk away before I replied with "I don't know what you're talking about and I have to go.".
"I need you," he said calmly, while grabbing my arm in a tight grip. I dropped my briefcase, and the man's eyes turned completely black.
"If you won't help, YOU'LL COME BACK WITH ME!" he yelled. I broke his grip and ran as quickly as I could clearing the exit and jumped into my car. The man didn't seem to follow me however as I cranked up my car and sped away. I took one last glimpse at the figure I left behind.The man stood there and lifted his hand as if to say "Farewell, we'll meet again." this worried me immensely. I'll never forget what happened next.I raised my hand to my dripping head as the car rolled over the rough road and glanced at my rear view mirror to see the moon.
The moon with clouds thick around it.
The moon with the cold of the night surrounding it.
The moon with a large black train floating across it making it's way leaving a trail of thick smoke behind it.
Category:Deletion Log Refugees
Category:Bad Creepypasta
Category:English Class Failure
Category:Beings
Category:Old Shit
I Overthrow LOLSKELETONS and Take Over Trollpasta

LATE ONE NIGHT I'M PISSED SO I DECIDE TO TAKE CONTROL OF TROLLPASTA BUT INSTEAD OF HACKING IT I DECIDE TO GO AND KILL LOLSKELETONS!!!!!!!!!!
I FIND LOLSKELETONS AT HIS PARENTS HOUSE ON 666 SATAN WAY IN HELL I BREAK IN AND STORM THE BASEMENT WHERE HE IS SITTING AT HIS COMPUTER WITH FAST FOOD WRAPPERS AND PIZZA CRUSTS AROUND HIM I YELL "DIE MOTHAFUCKA" AND BLAST HIM IN HIS EYEHOLE AND THEN A SKELETON POPS OUT OF HIS SKELETON!!!!!!!! OH SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I THEN GET ON HIS COMPUTER AND POST A MESSAGE THAT SAYS VAMPIRESWILLNEVERHURTYOU IS THE BEST AND I LOVEZZZ MCR AND I'M DEAD FUR REALZ NOW SO VAMPIRES IS YOUR NEW LEADER!!!!!!!!!
LOLSKELETONS MOTHER COMES INTO THE BASEMENT AND SEES ME AND I SAY "Do I smell meatloaf?"
Category:Trollpasta
Category:ALL CAPS
Category:Well, that was anticlimactic.
Category:English Class Failure
Category:And then a skeleton popped out
Category:Shortpasta
I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE

I was masturbating in my front yard when the police walked up to me and said...
Cop: What the hell do you think your doing?
Me: Beating off furiously!
Cop: I need to ask you to stop. Neighbors have called and complained.
Me: What exactly was the complaint? Was it because I was screaming the Pledge Of Allegiance? The only reason I screaming the Pledge Of Allegiance was because no one else is here to so it for me.
Cop: Sir the complaint was about you furiously masturbating in your front yard.
Me: Would you please let them know I'm almost finished? Also if you don't mind please scream the Pledge Of Allegiance at me.
Cop: I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE
Me: *Furiously Beating My Meat *
COP: TO THE FLAG
Neighbors start to congregate by the police cruiser.
Me: *Beating of meat intensifies.
Smack Smack Smack of my meat being beat suddenly combines into a constant hum that's comparable to the sound of a hummingbird.
COP: OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
Me: I arch my back and thrust my hips toward the neighbors. My arm is a blur as the hum starts getting louder. Think to myself I wish Mother was here to see this.
COP: AND TO THE REPUBLIC FOR WHICH IT STANDS
Neighbors look confused but are very patriotic so they put thier hand over thier heart and join in saying the Pledge.
COP and NEIGHBORS: ONE NATION UNDER GOD
ME: The hum of my meat music has almost drowned out the sounds of the Pledge. The meat music hum has started hurting my ears. The cops sunglass lens crack as do his vehicles windows.
Windows in the surrounding homes explode outwards and birds fall from the sky dead because of the supersonic hum of my beating meat.
COP and NEIGHBORS: WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL
ME: Time slows, I glance at the cop and my neighbors tears flow down my face as I ejactulate while counting to 10 out loud in Spanish.
UNO DOS TRES....
The Cop salutes me then pulls his gun from his holster and commits suicide.
Now that my missions complete and the cop is "gone" I get dressed turn to go inside and all of a sudden the sounds of cheering fill my ears!
This is the closest I'll ever get to performing in front of a studio audience and I'll take it.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:DIALOGUE!
Category:English Class Failure
I Pity Humanity

I'll forever mourn the day I was brought in to this world which glorifies ignorance and shallow communication. To disparage one simply for utilizing all available lyrics when constructing a sentence, 'tis truly a shame.
I've often pondered to myself "Why does the average Homosapien fear and hate intelligence and eloquence?" And I believe I have found a viable conclusion; it is because they truly are incapable of 3rd dimensional abstract unoriginal thought. Instead there mind is filled with pop culture references, inane information about who wore what or Susan said this, and made up vocabulary to sound "hip" and "trendy" whilst conversing.
I've come to the conclusion that they are truly lesser beings, incapable of the same depth of consciousness as those like me. I do not hate or scorn them for it, they were simply born with a lower intelligence than that of myself, but I do condemn their actions of oppression towards myself and others on the same intellectual plane as myself. Consider this your warning, there is a subset of people you have systematically worn down and tried to fit them into your own mold, but we will no longer stand for it. We WILL NOT allow inferior beings incapable true intelligence to control us anymore. So remember this, the next time you make fun of Rick and Morty, or you laugh at the smart guy on the Internet; YOU ONLY GET AWAY WITH THIS BECAUSE WE ALLOW YOU TO. And that is going to change. You have been warned.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Copypasta
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Memes
Category:Rants
Category:Shortpasta
I Quoted Rick and Morty During Sex

So this happened a few years ago, but my fiancé and I were talking about this today and revived this buried memory.
I had just been introduced to Rick and Morty, and we were binge watching all the episodes. My favorite was "Get Schwifty" where all the planets had to compete to appease the Giant Heads that would say "Show me what you goooottt" in a really flat, loud voice. Well, I found myself quoting it all the time for any situation that I felt was relevant, and it had somewhat started to annoy my fiancé. I'm sure you can see where this is going.
We had started trying to use more dirty talk with one another in the bedroom, which was somewhat new for us. One night things started to heat up, and I asked him to take his pants off for me. As I brought my face south of the equator, he asked me if I wanted to see what he had down there.
And I felt it, rising from within me. I couldn't even control it, as I blurted out "Show me what you goootttt"
Needless to say, I killed the mood. It also didn't help when I tried to recover by saying "I like what you goootttt" afterward.
TL;DR: Quoted Rick and Morty to my fiancé before a blow job and killed the mood.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Copypasta
Category:Satire
Category:Memes
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Shortpasta
I Regret Shooting Her

California desert...
My name is Jack Wilson, a California Highway Patrol, age 24. It was dark on the desert and the moon was already on the sky. Apart from being bored, I was hiding my vehicle behind a bill board while the speedometer gun was pointed at the highway. It was 11:00 PM when something really fast went pass by.
"What the fuck!"
I drop my doughnut and almost spilled my coffee. I read the speedometer. It says "892.25 kph".
"Impossible!! Whatever it is, I will chase it."
I opened the siren and tried to speed up, making this Mustang GT (yes, a sports car) to go at the speed of 350 with the nitro. I finally caught up with the "vehicle" I can't see the whole thing. I almost hit a electric post, making me turn right into another road. I got my loud speaker and spoke.
"This is California Highway Patrol, stop now for identification!"
That thing didn't stop so I grab my 9mm pistol and tried to shoot that thing. 5 shots fired and no hit so I grab my Winchester rifle and aim while driving.
BANG*
That thing disappears but I think that it stopped and turned to the desert. I made a u-turn on the road to see it.
"Hello! Whoever it is, get out of the car-"
My eyes widened, I am surprised and my mouth open. I was staring at it, feeling sorry for myself why I shot it. I felt very guilty.
The bullet hit her wing, she stood up, whimpering and crying, and then she looked at me.
"Why did you do this to me?!"
She fell down again on the road, I picked her up and carry her to my vehicle. I told her that I am sorry and I brought her inside the California Police District where I could take care of her.
Two weeks after her wound was healed, she said thank you and we would meet each other again sometime. She left the District and went away. I closed my eyes and a thought came to my head...
I almost killed Rainbow Dash...
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Bad Fanfiction
Category:Satire
Category:WHAT A TWIST!
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Shortpasta
I Reject Your Apology (Copypasta)

You think you've changed my mind with just adding an "I'm" along with your one-worded weak ass apology? Once you do or say something so foul, so wretched, that you become an outcast, there is nothing, and I mean it when I say absolutely nothing, that can re-implement you into society. You're now a wild animal. What do wild animals do, you may ask? The answer to that is: I have no fucking clue. I've never been outside in all my time here. I get told to go touch grass, which is actually crazy because touching this thing called "grass" is what a wild animal does! GOD DAMMIT! I would never sink to that level of dehumanization, I would rather be ripped to shreds by a leopard for the rest of time. To add to that, my mother, who has so kindly brought me my favorite fast food for the past 36 years, would not allow me ANYWHERE near grass. I am thankful that she was a helicopter mom to me, because now I can see all of the dangers of the world. I could get cut by grass and bleed to death. Get bitten by a rabid possum or squirrel, and have my brain slowly deteriorate, which comes in at a close second on the danger list. My utter intellect is my most prized possession, and rabies would erase that.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Copypasta
Category:Satire
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Wall of Text
Category:Animulz
Category:Shortpasta
I Run

I saw him
He followed me.
I ran from him.
He was always there.
I hid in the woods.
He continued to stalk.
I looked at him.
He looked back
I run.
He follows.
I leave the city.
He did too.
I give up.
He doesn't.
This poem was found in the diary of 17 year old Zach Douglas. Zach went missing two weeks before the police found his diary in the middle of the woods. There have been no traces of any other evidence. All of the other pages consist of circles with X's drawn through it.
The case and search have been legally closed.
Category:Deletion Log Refugees
Category:Bad Creepypasta
Category:Morons Attempting Poetry
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Jornel
Category:Old Shit
Category:Shortpasta
I Saw Flying Lotus in a Grocery Store...

I saw Flying Lotus at a grocery store in Los Angeles yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything.
He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”
I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying.
The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.
When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Copypasta
Category:Shortpasta
Category:Music
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Well, that was pointless.
Category:Wall of Text
Category:Old Shit
I Saw SpongeBob

Hey. It's Drake again. When the Red Water credits rolled, I fell asleep. This was my nightmare.
TUTUTUTU TUTUU.
SpongeBob kept playing this flute nose over and over again.
Then the title card came up:
Untitled 13
I was in the room with the tapes again.
Instead of a horror lost episode, it was just a couple of frames.
It was the mosquito noise, with SpongeBob just staring at you, his eyes flickering from normal to red.
Then after about 5 minutes of that, I nearly jumped out of my skin.
NICKELODEON COMPETITON: SpongeBob Killer WATCH. CALL 911 OR 999 OR 5-678-901-2477
My phone hovered above my face and started dialling itself.
The phone said "BYE" and then shut off.
The chair strapped my hands down and wouldn't let go.
A yellow watch strapped itself to my hand.
The chair let go.
I tried to pull the watch off for an hour. After that...
SLING!
The watch had blades which had just cut into my wrist.
AUGH!!!
I screamed.
I ripped the buckle off.
I looked back at the TV. SpongeBob's face turned angry. It's face came torward the screen.
Closer and closer, up to the point where his cheeks were pressing against the screen.
The TV shut off.
The lights turned off.
My kidney was gone.
I thought I was going to die until...
DRAKE! GET YOUR ASS HOME! Nick Studios CLOSED TWO HOURS AGO!
Phew.
It was all a dream. But the strange thing was, I had a scar that went all around my left wrist, and another one on where my kidney is.
Originally uploaded in 2011
Category:Trollpasta
Category:SpongeBob
Category:Dreams
Category:English Class Failure
Category:Lost Episodes
Category:Old Shit
Category:Shortpasta
I See You...

Hello,
I can see you. You probably think, "Oh, it's just another story someone wrote in their mom's basement." It is not. More than likely you are on an electronic device of some sort. That's all I need. Right now, as you are reading this, I am sifting through your files. Yes, your device. You. The one reading this. I am reading your e-mails, looking at your digital photos and any image you have downloaded off the net, opening your most private documents and having a good read, or a good laugh, depending on the content.
To be honest, most of it is utterly boring. Except for a few files. You know the ones I mean.
I know you don't believe me, and I prefer it that way, but think about this:
(Note: I will include dumbed down version at the end if this is too much to handle)
Every computer has an IP address, which is basically the street address of your computer. If you think of it as the postal system, the return address is the return address and the internet as the post office. Your IP is supposed to be secure, but it is really not.
It was quite simple, really. Your router's firewall was a joke--and not even a funny one. The built in firewall on your computer was another story though.
That held me up for a few heartbeats. I just slipped in a Trojan and your computer was mine.
Look at your webcam, if you have one. Now say,"CHEESE!" I can see you. Just in case your webcam has a light, I have a line of code that stops it. If not, it does nothing. If you don't have a webcam, it's okay, I just looked through your picture files of yourself.
My, my, whoever did your hair should be fired. Anyway, you are never safe from the net. I could corrupt your hard drive, but I am not that evil. I'll just leave no trace I was there. By the way, if you didn't believe that the IP number was yours, just look it up on google. I promise you will get the same result. I have better things to do now, so I will leave you alone. Just remember,
I WILL BE BACK
(P.S. Here is the dumbed down version I promised: Light up beepy thing has home. I know where home is. Light up beepy thing is not safe.)
Category:Deletion Log Refugees
Category:Bad Creepypasta
Category:COMPUTERS AND INTERWEBZ
Category:Old Shit
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
I Stubbed My Toe

It was an exceptionally bland day. The birds were singing, sky was blue. Except one thing happened that messed up my whole entire day, and might even scar me for life!
While I was walking, I hear this loud BANG! It's my neighbor being S.W.A.T-ed, he held a child hostage.
So, anyway, I walked through a doorway, but something happened. Something scary. I forgot to buy Pop Tarts!
Whilst still wearing my PJ's, I ran the painless 1/2 mile journey to the local grocery store, which in this case was a Walmart.
I stop at 1/4th of the journey, simply because I forgot to pack!
So, I gather the packing ingredients.
A gallon of water.
A backpack.
Some French fries.
I then walk the journey, stopping only 3 times to drink and eat my feast. I finally arrive at the Walmart; there's this one kid picking up the last box of Pop Tarts.
"Not on my watch!" I scream, sprinting at the child.
I then have a wrestling match with him to see who gets the Pop Tarts. He wins, so I have to exit the store.
I see a guy dressed up as the Grim Reaper.
The Reaper points at me and says, "Here; have your fucking Pop Tarts, it's on me,"
I take the Pop Tarts, run half-way back home, only to notice. I'm dead hungry.
I look around for anything that I can eat. Bricks? No. Dirt? No. But then I look in the direction of the Pop Tarts.
"I've got it," I exclaim, "I'll eat some grass!"
I eat a handful of grass and walk the rest of the way home.
I try to enter the front door, but I forgot to open the door, so I stub my toe. I'm flat on my ass, now, screaming in pain. Then, I notice this wasn't any ordinary toe stub, my toes are gone, as well as my feet, and legs.
There's no blood, or anything, so what exactly happened?
The world may never know, or else you'll suffer the same fate.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Shortpasta
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep
I Think I'm Being Followed by a Foreskinwalker

I am writing this out as a cautionary tale. I don't wanna make this a long story. But I feel that it's necessary to describe what has been happening the past few hours.
For a little backstory, I am a 17-year-old dude from Arizona. And I'm about 6ft2, 210 pounds extra thicc. And my family and us live in a more secluded part of Arizona. I won't say exactly where as I don't want to Dox myself.
But onto the story, so it was around 7 PM last week when I smelled something. It smelt like smegma, and possibly blood. I remember the smell was coming from my underwear. And when I looked inside I saw that there was a foreskinwalker inside my undies.
Needless to say I shit myself, I don't know if the shit scared the foreskinwalker. But I haven't seen it in about a week but. Every now and then when I'm taking a shower I can still hear the sounds of what appears to be a foreskin walker.
If anybody has any information on what could be going on with me it would be greatly appreciated I will try to keep you updated in the comments down below.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Title that makes babbies laugh
Category:Beings
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep
Category:Shortpasta
I Think Wallace is the Anti-Christ

I'm telling you, I was watching some very weird Wallace and Gromit episode yesterday. Yesterday night at 9:40pm on Channel 4, yes, precisely. A Wallace and Gromit special I had never seen before, and it was bloomin weird lad.
Wallace and Gromit were outside, having a picnic and Wallace said "right Gromit, it's time to pack up" and so they did, and they needed to stay into the side of the road while cars passed by and so they stayed into the side of the road and Wallace was saying, while standing on the grass, he said "Gromit, I hope I'm not stepping on no fox bones" and then he did a weird laugh, a weird laugh I'm telling ya. It was like "AAAAAROUGHHOGAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAGGHA" and Gromit said "Wallace, you sound a lot like Satan when you laugh" and Wallace said "Well, it's probably been all the cheese and crackers I've been eating lad" and then they went home and then it ended......but it didn't really, because then another episode came on and Wallace said to Gromit "Gromit lad, I bet I could beat you in a boxing match and Gromit said "TOUGH SHITE, THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK YOU ARE WALLACE, TOUGH SHITE! BUT GUESS WHAT? YOU'RE ACTUALLY A BANANA IN PYJAMAS!" and Wallace peed all over the floor. It was literally so realistic that I almost felt like I was going to die, and then Wallace had blood red eyes and he started cutting into Gromit's veins and Gromit was screaming, and Gromit was dead. DEAD. 
And then a picture appeared on screen of Wallace with his intestines ripped out and was put onto a cross and it said "SCARY SHIT" and I was so spooked that I never went to sleep again.
Category:Deletion Log Refugees
Category:Trollpasta
Category:DIALOGUE!
Category:Pointless Violence
Category:TELAVISHUN
Category:Well, that was pointless.
Category:English Class Failure
Category:Shortpasta