Jeeves

Jeeves is a joke programming language created by User:Snorepion. It is Turing-complete, making it far better than any language that is not Turing-complete, or worse, Turing-complete.
==Commands==
Jeeves only has a few commands:
Imported through Standard Variables by Arthur Dentford
 Why, yes, good sir or madam, [Boolean name] is in fact the case!
 (Sets a boolean to true)
 Sadly, no, dear sir or madam, [Boolean name] is not the case.
 (Sets a boolean to false)
 Allow me to provide us with some tea and biscuits while we discuss [contents], [name].
 (Sets a string named [name] with contents [contents])
 Yes, I did see several of those [name]s -- in fact, I saw [contents]!
 (Sets a 32-bit integer [name] to number [contents])
Imported through Standard Input and Output by John Beckhammingshireton
 I regret to inform you that I was unable to contact [string name].
 (Prints a string [string name])
 How do you feel about [name], good sir or madam? 
 (Takes input from user and writes it to string [name])
Imported through Standard Operations by Theodore H. Rullimantonshire
 Sir or madam, I would kindly ask that you solve the following equation in order to prove that you are truly interested in [name]: [op].
 (Sets an integer [name] to the result of operation [op])
 Assuming [[true | [bool | string | int] is in fact [the case | string | int]][false | [bool | string | int] is sadly not [the case | string | int]] | you can perform this math operation to get [number]: [op]], I'd imagine that we should do the following: 
 (If statement, which uses incredibly complicated syntax. Piped items are options.)
 As you requested, sir or madam, I shall chauffeur you to the pub.
 (Prints the lyrics to 99 Bottles of Beer)
Implemented without needing to import
 In my personal opinion, sir or madam, I would greatly recommend that you read [lib].
 (Imports library [lib], i.e. Standard Operations by Theodore H. Rullimantonshire.)
==Example programs==
Hello World (prints the string "Hello World!")
 In my personal opinion, sir or madam, I would greatly recommend that you read Standard Variables by Arthur Dentford.
 In my personal opinion, sir or madam, I would greatly recommend that you read Standard Input and Output by John Beckhammingshireton.
 Allow me to provide us with some tea and biscuits while we discuss Hello World!, Morris.
 I regret to inform you that I was unable to contact Morris.
Cat program (outputs the user's input)
 In my personal opinion, sir or madam, I would greatly recommend that you read Standard Input and Output by John Beckhammingshireton.
 How do you feel about Scotland, good sir or madam?
 I regret to inform you that I was unable to contact Scotland.
99 Bottles of Beer
 In my personal opinion, sir or madam, I would greatly recommend that you read Standard Operations by Theodore H. Rullimantonshire.
 As you requested, sir or madam, I shall chauffeur you to the pub.
Check if 36/6 is 6 and print the lyrics to 99 Bottles of Beer if so
 In my personal opinion, sir or madam, I would greatly recommend that you read Standard Operations by Theodore H. Rullimantonshire.
 Assuming you can perform this math operation to get 6: 36 / 6, I'd imagine that we should do the following: 
 As you requested, sir or madam, I shall chauffeur you to the pub.
==Interpreter and syntax==
There is no currently released interpreter, but the creator is working on one. Using "In my personal opinion..." to import Jeeves libraries is completely unnecessary, as the interpreter will translate and compile Jeeves programs into C# console applications that only use System anyway. Despite this, not importing the right library will cause an error so as to make Jeeves truly Turing-compIete. 
Category:LanguagesCategory:Joke languagesCategory:PseudonaturalCategory:UnimplementedCategory:2017Category:Turing completeCategory:Thematic