Budge Monstlebuttler

The 'original sophisticated socialist spy', Budge Mosntlebuttler is a fictional character and popular culture icon of the 21st Century. The brainchild of author Margaret Felmming and her parakeet, Budge and his antics rose to world fame with the release of several books and successful movies. Smooth, slick and debonair Budge Mosntlebuttler is the penultimate spy. Working diligently for the Russian KGB, Budge shoots first and asks questions later. Beautiful women and beautiful cars are all part of Budge's broad job description. Since his creation in 1954 Budge Monstlebuttler has become embedded in the minds of all.
== Budge Monstlebuttler, A Character For The Ages ==
The following is an analysis of the works of Margaret Felmmming;
Budge Monstlebuttler was born in a village outside of Nizhny Novgorod where he worked as a ploughmen. Despite his fathers advice to "stick to ploughing" Budge could not help but incur the looks of the beautiful Nizhny Novgorod girls. Budge's interest in espionage began when he overheard his mother have an affair with the local milkman, Budge being a wily fellow, requested a fee from his mother in exchange for his silence. At the age of 21 Budge set out from his village and walked to Moscow in hopes of joining the KGB and contributing to the guaranteed fall of capitalism. Upon his arrival he enrolled at KGBU, where he topped his classes, despite the distracting advances of the local Moscow girls. When Budge was enlisted in the KGB he was given the number 112,654 (a number now embedded in pop culture, and constantly referred to). Budge was a serial womanizer, heavy drinker (being able to consumer twice the alcohol of a horse), and smokes 140 cigarettes a day (twice the amount of his satirical counterpart Bill Motor). Budge is a self-acclaimed know-it-all being skilled in judo, nuclear science, gene splicing, writing, aviation and vaginal penetration. Budge is the owner of many well recited quotes including "The names Mostlebuttler, Budge Mostlebuttler" and the ever popular "Vodka Martini, two barrels, and I want it aflame!" He wields a license to kill, pillage and rape, if the situation deems it appropriate. Budge went onto become a sophisticated yet extremely deadly secret agent. Agent 112,654 was known to "romance first, disfigure second." The adventures of Budge Mostlebuttler are furiously chronicled in the many books written about him. His love of fast cars and fast women being the national motto of his fictional home town of Nizhny Novgorod. 
== The Creation of Budge ==
Margaret Felmming, self-acclaimed 'navy woman' and 'militant activist' served aboard the SS Plastor for fourteen years. During her service she encountered many spies, and doctors of espionage whom she was ordered to shoot on sight at. Whilst secluded in her cabin Margaret jotted down several points on the perfect 'spy'. She concluded that the perfect spy would have to be; witty, good with women, handsome, strong and have a vast knowledge of basic mechanics. Satisfied with her compliment, Margaret Felmming submitted the doctrine to her commanding officer in the form of a thesis entitled 'The Perfect Spy.' Her commander dismissed Margaret's analysis as pure fantasy, telling her that a real spy, had to have brute force and animal like ferocity. Taking her commanders advice, Margaret then added those two factors to her list as well. Thus Budge Monstlebuttler was born. Margaret then relayed a backstory and began work on a book. Within 14 years she had completed Caesars Palace Casino in which Budge was sent by the KGB to break into a casino and steal the gold bullion, and then return to Russia with the money. The book was an international success, and the rest is history.
== The Franchise ==
The Budge Monstlebuttler franchise is the second largest in the world, dwarfed only by the ever popular Jesus related paraphernalia. It is also one of the longest running film series in history with 20 official films, 64 unofficial films, and an anime spinoff. The Monstlebuttler series has covered both espionage drama, and even eerie science fiction, with issues such as cloning frequently touched upon. The original novels by Felmming are comparatively dark, lacking in fantasy and gadgets which feature heavily in later novels. Later books still kept the fiendish villains and sensual femme fatales, but gadgets such as Budge's Instant Death Ray, and Escape Spray are more frequently used. The standard Monstlebuttler formula begins with Budge trying to prevent the destruction of earth by evil, greedy capitalist pigs. Budge must then begin about a series of bloodsoaked events in which much intercourse and death ensue (inevitably the two intertwine). He will then eventually be led to the true villain, (generally a westerner of some note) and then he will viciously beat them with a blunt led pipe. Although this is quite formulaic viewers are still captivated by the antics of Budge, and the many communists that help him along the way. After the release of "You Only Eat Twice" critics believed that Budge's barbaric tendencies and sexism were out of touch with modern times. Thus in the next film Budge implemented his killings with SmartScope Sniper Rifles and upon sleeping with a women allowed them the freedom of Pro-Choice. This new Modern Budge was swept up by fans, with the release of toy Rifles and abortion kits. The 1990's saw a revival of the Monstlebuttler franchise when Serbian born Millac Lemaic filled the breadloaf sized shoes of Monstlebuttler, combining the ferocity of the previous Monstlebuttlers and the grace of the female actor who played Mosntlebuttler in a doomed previous film. The name Budge Monstlebuttler is internationally renowned and respected, with kids all over the world quoting their hero, and imitating him. 
== The 112,654 Book Series ==
The 112,654 Book series is now thought to be one of the greatest in literature. The character of Budge Mostlebuttler coming to life on the pages. "Budge Mostlebuttler is just about as essential to our culture, as air is" says Roger Ebert, in commentary of the 112,654 Series. 
An outstanding 14 books have been written in the series. 
Here is the complete bookography. 
*1953: Caesar's Palace Casino
*1954: Live and Let America Die
*1955: Moonraper
*1956: Thailand Diamonds Are Temporary
*1957: From America With Severe Hate of the Capitalist Lifestyle
*1958: Dr. Perhaps
*1959: Goldpinky
*1960: (Contact lenses) For Your Eyeballs Only 
*1961: Dragonball (subject to copyright infringment)
*1962: The Spy Responsible For My Abortion
*1963: Murdering The Members of Her Majesties Secret Service
*1964: You Only Eat Twice
*1965: The Man With The Golden Sphincter
*1966: The Imported Octopus
 
Each of these books have been widely successful, with many other writers continuing the series, and movie treatments written of everyone. 
== Budge after the fall of communism ==
Surprisingly, the downfall of the Soviet Empire hardly seemed to affect Budge Monstlebuttler at all. He still retained his rugged Russian features, and trademark hammer and sickle tattoo. Budge's mission and values still remained the same. Later publications of the Budge Monstlebuttler series, see Budge often disputing with the new director of the KGB, Budge believes communism still has hope, much to the irritation of the new director. Despite communism's downfall, Budge's adventures still held the copyrighted maiming of western figures. 
== Sexual Orientation and the Re-invention of Budge==
Several factors contributed to the altering of Budge's sexual orientation (heterosexual) to his current one (bisexual). Many people, including German-born physicist Heimleich Rudolf believe that the switch was "inevitable."
After the death of author Margaret Felmmming and the fall of United Soviet Socialist Republic, Budge was in need of a make-over. Editors were displeased with Budge's abusive treatment of women and gypsies, not to mention the use of the word 'masturbate' in every paragraph (author Margaret Felmming argued that it was not in fact a swear word, and thus won the resulting hearing). Budge needed a new image and German-born physicist Heimleich Rudolf was the man for the job. Using cultural leaders of the 1980's as his guide Heileich began the tedious task of rebuilding Budge from the waist up. Fusing 1980's personas such as; General Augusto Pinochet, Run-DMC, Hulk-Hogan and Elton John, a 'Budge Monstlebuttler of the 21st Century was born.' 
Budge was now stricter then ever before, being known to shoot people for speaking during a movie (making good use of his license to kill) and believing firmly that torture could be justified if "it was a matter of town-wide concern" (which it generally was). Budge could now rap with the best of them, often challenging his numerous enemies (within and outside his family) to rap battles. Budge's backstory was altered, to show him living on the streets (rather then in a quaint village, selling crack to pay for his school fee's at KGBU. Budge had also miraculously acquired wrestling abilities, and was holder of the world-heavy weight championship (many claim that this is preposterous as his enemies would recognize him instantly). And in attempt to keep up with modern trends, Budge was made bisexual. The decision to alter Budge's sexuality was met with harsh criticism, many claiming that the move de-masculated their hero. Walrus Books responded quickly, stating that if anything "Budge was no even more of a man." Many readers and fans alike did not understand this claim, and thus the Confusion Riots were born. The Riots which ended 3 months later, with over 14 dead, led Walrus Books to release another statement providing more information. 
"Budge Monstlebuttler the original sophisticated, socialist spy, is so masculine, and so all-man, and so horny that he will fuck literally anything with a shadow." said Ted Coffman, Chief Editor of Walrus Books in response to the disgruntled fans. 
Fans ate the tripe, and drank the Kool-Aid. Learning to love this new age Budge, who would still embody the suave, debonair, man-beast that they had grown to love. 
== The Later Books ==
The Later Books in the 112,654 series are often criticized of losing touch with the suave, yet brutal world of Budge Mostlebuttler, regardless book sales and subsequent movie deals tell a different story. The books are all published under the pseudonym 'Phallis Discraytor,' however it is common knowledge that a series of rotating authors actually penned the books. 
Here is the complete bookography:
*1981: Liscence To Kill Renewed, Valid Until the 6th of June 2012
*1982: For Special Services Dial M
*1983: Ballbreaker
*1984: Roll Me One 
*1986: Only Stalin Lives Forever
*1987: No Deals, Mr.Monstlebuttler
*1988: Oporpius
*1989: Win, Lose, Draw, or Die, Only One Is The Good One
*1989: License To Kill Renewed, Valid Until the 6th of June 2012 (cover art re-printed to meet the "Cruelty to Animals Act")
*1990: Broken Farce
*1991: The Man Who Had Been To Barbossa
*1992: Death is Permament, except for Christ's
*1993: Never Send Flowers
*1994: PeaFire
*1995: GoldenNose
*1996: Madonna Goes Missing!
== Actors to portray Budge Monstlebuttler ==
Throughout the extensive series several high-profile actors have portrayed the debonair KGB spy. Standradly an actor is given a 3 film contract with the exception of Heimrod Doestivd, who was fired after hie consumed a deadly amount of mineral terps. 
Only 6 actors have ever portrayed Budge Monstlebuttler, with the 6th appearing in a film to be released late 2007, these actors are:
thumb|Sidokha Nachegnev dons the Budge moustache
*Abakum Galakhtivonik who appeared in 6 films, and is generally considered to be the best Budge Monstlebuttler
*Pakoslav Machniczko who appeared in 7 films and now resides in Pakistan
*Heimrod Doestivd whose story is chronicled in his autobiography Portraying Budge: A Deadly Addiction
*Kraizhir Rabushka who appeared in two films
*Attractive newcomer Sidokha Nachegnev appearing in three films
*Leonardo DiCaprio who will appear in the film The Spy Who Loved Too Much, late next year
== Gadgets and Cars ==
== Characters ==
Throughout Budge's glorious history, many memorable characters have stood erect among the pages. Although none of these characters could ever compare with the stories protagonist characters like Holden Caufield were profoundly well liked, and even earned himself a spin-off in the popular book The Catcher in the Rye. Here is a brief description of the central characters within the 112,654 series. 
*Babushka Pennyfarthing: The delicate and tender receptionist of the KGB, it is clear that Babushka has a "crippling crush" over Budge Monstlebuttler. 
Even though Budge has a world renowned libido he refuses to sleep with Babushka as she is disabled. Nevertheless Babushka tries desperately to win the favour of the handsome spy, often by altering his state of consciousness. In one novel Babushka Pennyfarthing has to warn the central offices of the KGB that they have been infiltrated, she daringly wheels herself down the corridor only to be mutilated beyond recognition by bullet-fire. This lowers her chances with Budge all the more. 
*M: Ruthless head of the KGB and long time enemy of Budge Monstlebuttler. 
Long time members of the KGB were astounded when a hermaphrodite was made there leader, many paid him/her little respect, however G earned his respect when, in a show of strength, he punched a pregnant cow to death with only six blows. This earned him the loyalty of his comrades, except Budge, who deeply resented G's anti-communist views. This is a recurring theme in the novella with Budge and G, to stubborn Russians, clashing ego's over and over again. Despite there mutual hate of each other, G understands that Budge is a "more then capable spy" and chooses to place Budge on the more dangerous assignments. 
*Q: A hilarious 'nutty-professor' whose only request is that Budge bring his years work back in one piece. 
Q is Chief Engineer of the KGB and is responsible for the building of there Flying Saucers and Crab-Men. Q often creates "tailor made" gadgets for Budge, ones that often breach the Geneva Code and God's design. Q is never afraid to bend the laws of nature to create a truly vile creature that can be employed by Budge to inflict unspeakable pain on his numerous enemies. 
*Ronald Raegan: The chief villain of the 112,654 series, wherever there is unspeakable evil, you can be sure that Ronald provoked Budge to cause it. 
The eye-patch toting, half-cyborg, child molesting Ronald Raegan is at the heart of the Budge Monstlebuttler mythos. Raegan and Monstlebuttler are like two opposing forces, God and the Devil, (assuming that Budge is the God that sent the flood and the plagues). Budge and Raegan first crossed paths when Raegan ordered a carpet bombing on Budge's village. His donkey and parents were killed. Seeking revenge Budge flew to the USA without KGB permission and brutally murdered Raegan's parents, the novel graphically describes how Budge ripped the testicles off John Edward Raegan and used them to beat his wife. Raegan then met with Budge atop a volcano and stated that now the two men were even, however Budge felt otherwise and then shot Raegans two children whilst they were at school. Later in the series Budge's wife died of Leukemia and Ronald pulled some strings to get her organs. When Budge saw his dead wife's eye glinting in the socket of his enemy, he miraculously leaped off an exploding bridge, onto Raegans helicopter, hang on for several miles, then pulled the chopper into a tornado, killing the uninvolved pilot and maiming Raegan. However he was quickly found by the CIA and re-built as a slightly more heartless cyborg. The rivalry of Ronald and Budge is stuff of legend and continues to this day. 
*Copious Cunt: The luscious femme fatale who frequently brings Budge to his knees to perform sexual acts.
'The world's most sought after prostitute', Copious Cunt has aided Budge on many occasions. In 1927 the KGB discovered that that an intense build up of semen in their field-operatives often resulted in increased stress and lack of concentration. The KGB scoured the globe for a prostitute with the skill to help them. They soon found Copious in the Caribbean, trying to make a living as a writer. They offered her an enormous amount of money and she abandoned her book, selling her rights to F. Scott Fitzgerald, and joined the KGB. They would then transport Copious to various places around the world were there agents were posted, she would perform sexual acts, which depleted there pent up semen, and relaxed and sharpened them. Due to Budge's frequent deployment, Copious is often employed to service Budge, in more ways with one, Budge often using Copious as a human shield when hit with heavy fire. 
*Ears: The seven foot giant with metal ears.
Ears has become quite the pop culture phenomenon, with shows like The Simpsonsoften making jokes about the character and using him in sketches. On a more serious note, Ears is a formdible enemy of Budge, using his token metallic ears to crush Budge in fights. In one novel, Budge cleverly employs Ears's ears to send a powerful electric shock through Ears' head, placing the terrifying hitman in a coma for seven years. 
*Oddjobs: The sinister janitor wanting to 'wipe out Budge' once and for all.
Many believe that Oddjobs is purely a useless support character, offering little realism and having the mannerisms of a "comic book villain." Oddjobs is often seen 'over-mopping' floors which regularly result in Budge slipping over when undertaking a high speed chase through a corridor. 
*Mrs. Yeltsin Monstlebuttler: The dedicated wife of the world's greatest spy, she was swiftly killed off when readers didn't like the idea of Budge being 'tied down.'
Although she did not last long as a character, her extremist views of Judaism and gypsies grafted her in the public mind. 
*Blegh Thegginstone: Once a comrade of Budge's, now a feared enemy.
Blegh Thegginstone trained with Budge at KGBU and graduated together in the same class, the two were best of friends, spending there spare nights picking off street scum with a rifle from clock towers. Upon graduating the two went on many missions together, always resulting in sucess, this only strengthened there friendship more. The love of a women never got in the way of there friendship, when the two resolved to 'share' all the women they encountered. One night, whilst infiltrating a 'pro-choice' rally Blegh announced his allegiance to the country of Wales, and massacred the demonstrators and fled to his home country. Throughout Budge's many adventures he has often crossed swords with his Welsh friend, who became an enemy. Although Budge has often had the chance to kill Blegh, he has thought that it might not be too late to save him from 'The Welsh Side.'
*Despensible Unnamed Black Guy: Rarely pictured, and rarely given a line, his only purpose is back up Budge's arguments. 
Never given any cool missions, but if he did, he would be instantly killed.
Category:Biographies of Ridiculous Persons
Category:Fictional characters
Category:James Bond