Karl Rove

Karl "Turdblossom"Dubya actually gave him that nickname. Rove is a Republican political operative who served as campaign adviser to the Bush administration.Don't believe us? He's the quintessential super-dweeby Young Republican.You remember him, the smug douchebag who raises his hand to ask questions he already knows the answer to. Like many of those in the upper echelon of the Dubya administration, Rove exhibited a level of entitlement and self-esteem that rivals that of the College of Cardinals. The fact that he was born on Christmas Day is probably just a coincidence.
For some crazy reason, Newsweek decided to give Turdblossom his own column and Fox News has retained him as a political commentator. Seems some people do want to hear from a very successful swindler.
==Dirty Tricks==
 
Very early in his political career, Rove was a ratfucker in the Nixon campaign.Stolberg, Sheryl Gray, "Rove Strategy Paper Found in Nixon Archive", NYT 7.14.07. He pioneered many of the so-called "dirty tricks" used by the GOP, preying on the deep-seated prejudices of his base.
===Bush's brain (so to speak)===
Rove's magnum opus was initiating the faux-grassroots PAC groups that coincidentally appeared at the right moment to help Bush during his campaign.Smear Artist, Salon The Architect: Karl Rove and the Master Plan for Absolute Power, Moore & Slater; (2007) ISBN 978-0307237934 Manipulating these groups like puppets, Rove trashed Texas Governor Ann Richards (dyke!Lou Dubose, "Don't Mess With Texas", LA Weekly), John McCain (negro child out of wedlock!Ann Banks, "Dirty Tricks, South Carolina and John McCain", Nation), and Hillary Clinton (brain damage!Peter Beinart, "Why Karl Rove Uses Dirty Tricks: They Work", The Atlantic). 
For his efforts, Rove was rewarded with a choice position in the Bush administration.
===Swiftboating===
During the 2004 election season, Rove expanded his operation to target war heroes, including Georgia Senator (and triple amputee) Max Cleland and Massachusetts Senator John Kerry, which culminated in Rove's master stroke: The Swift Boat Veterans for Truth. 
Bush knew he would be attacked on his war service; he allowed Kerry to pull the anticipated attack, but didn't bother justifying his own Texas national guard service (which is pretty weak sauce). Instead, Bush performed an act of political judo and used the strength of his attacker's argument against the attacker: By calling Kerry's military service into question, even if it was all smoke and no fire, Bush completely changed the focus and nullified the attack. Efforts to recreate this move happen all the time now, with the Benghazi scandal (and its nullifying Hillary Clinton's ability to lean on her experience as Secretary of State in her 2016 Presidential campaign) being one of the more obvious examples. This approach is about attacking your opponents’ strengths, rather than their weaknesses, which might at first glance seem somewhat counterintuitive, but if successful, it is far more damaging.
The book Bush's Brain goes over the entire swiftboating scam in great detail.Bush's Brain: How Karl Rove Made George W. Bush Presidential, Moore & Slater; (2004) ISBN 978-0471471400Rove Exposed: How Bush's Brain Fooled America, Moore & Slater; (2005) ISBN 978-0471787082
==Humiliation conga line==
Rove resigned from Bush's cabinet in August 2007. He gave the reason for leaving as "To spend more time with my family." As this phrase is political code for, "I got fired but I'm not allowed to tell you why," it has left the door open for some speculation about the real reasons for his departure. It might've had something to do with the outing of CIA agent Valerie Plame,Scott Mcclellan, "Bush Should Have Fired Karl Rove", Associated Press although it's entirely possible he's just an asshole nobody likes.
He was notably pwned during a speech on February 11, 2008 by a young Marla Spivak.High schooler spars with Rove over gay marriage, Think Progress
He was thrown under the bus by his wealthy donors, who were annoyed that Obama won re-election despite Rove convincing them to back Romney (and pocketing their donor cash). He's yet to recoverGillette, Felix, "Welcome to my living room, thank you for spinning", Bloomberg 11.6.12. Megyn Kelly: Is this just math that you do as a Republican to make yourself feel better, or is this real?"...but like Dracula, he is sure to rise again.
===D-I-V-O-R-C-E===
On 29 December 2009, Rove's "family spokesperson" Dana Perino announced the "amicable" divorce of Rove and his wife of 24 years. This was the second divorce for the defender of marriage. The mainstream media all but ignored the announcement, but the radar of liberal bloggers switched full on. First question: How did the Roves keep their impending divorce secret until after it was granted? The only answer is that the court records were sealed.Fueling the speculation that the records are sealed is the question of what day the divorce became final. The best date the Huffington Post could come up with was "sometime last week." Which prompts a more urgent question: Why seal the records?
One theory is that Turdblossom was about to join the ranks of really embarrassing conservatives. Ever since conservative pundit Jeff Gannon was outed (in more ways than one), people noticed how "close" he was to the rampantly homophobic Turdblossom.Rove-Gannon Connection?, CBS News Within days of the announcement, liberals began speculating that some of those five million — out of 22 million missing — recovered Bush Administration e-mails might contain communiques between Rove and Gannon that were—shall we say—of a more personal nature. It makes you wonder what an IM exchange between these two would be like:
Or maybe it's best not to wonder about such things.
It has been speculated that Rove's disagreeable demeanor may be a product of his having been bullied while at school; i.e. it is something of a psychological rule-of-thumb that victims of bullies become bullies themselves.
==Pop culture==
Pop culture typically depicts Turdblossom as a first-level douchebag (The Salvation War being a prime example) or as a supernatural hellbeast who loves manipulating politics of any kind through lies and deceit (American Dad).
Stephen Colbert portrayed Rove as a large loaf of ham wearing a pair of glasses, which served as the advisor for "Colbert Super-PAC" segments (until being eaten, anyway). For added schadenfreude, the Campaign Legal Center named a conference room "The Ham Rove Memorial Conference Room," which brought Colbert's gag to Turdblossom's attention during an interview on ABC. When presented with a now-unavoidable question regarding his much-more-handsome counterpart, Rove tried diverting attention to Colbert stabbing the ham multiple times in a video clip by suggesting that Colbert had anxiety over the incident. Colbert responded by pulling up a fork and a knife from his desk as he stared at the on-screen images of Karl and Ham side-by-side.
==Rove v. Reality==
Rove is widely suspected to be the "anonymous Bush aide" who coined the deliciously self-incriminating phrase "reality-based community" — as snark apparently intended to categorize the opposition, no less.
"Political judo" is about taking an issue off the table: Projection as a defense against inconvenient facts by denying their existence in themselves, often by attributing them to othersChris Wallace Interview with Karl Rove, Fox News Sunday transcript (courtesy of RCP) 8.20.07. (no, you're the racist!). If low-information voters cannot tell who is lying, they throw up their hands and say "meh". Many voters view their chosen candidate as a "lesser of two evils" anyway, so it's easy to discard information that doesn't fit. It's like that Simpsons episode where Burns is so sick that all the viruses cancel each other out and make him invincible.
Putin (a literal Judo master) is an expert at this, in a terrifying way.Putin mentions Ferguson during Charlie Rose interviewRadia, Kirit, "Defiant Putin Blasts West as Hypocrites for Ignoring 'Free Will' of Crimeans", ABC 3.18.14.
==Videos==
* "MC" Karl Rove busts a move! (Not The Onion)
==See also==
*Steve Bannon — Because every Théoden needs a Wormtongue.
*Chickenhawks
*Rove's Law
==References==
Category:Bush administration
Category:Chickenhawks
Category:Conservative deceit
Category:Government incompetence
Category:Homophobes
Category:Living people
Category:Murdochsphere
Category:Neoconservatives
Category:Political pundits
Category:Shysters
Category:Texas
 
Category:United States politicians