nyuuzyou/wikis huggingface dataset:
Soda jerk

A soda jerk (or soda jerker) is a person — typically a really obnoxious asshole — who coincidentally works as a dispenser of malts, shakes, and other lactose-based treats in a drug store. He usually has a smart-ass grin on his fat face, as if he knows something you don't, and it just makes you want to punch his fucking lights out. He constantly stares at your girlfriend's tits and raises his eyebrows at her, hoping to make time with her. Soda jerks generally don't bother to learn anyone's name, calling everybody "sport," or "chum," or "buddy." 
==Life Cycle==
===Birth/Larval===
Soda Jerks are theorized to be born of the mix of grease and slime on the bottom of burger joint floors. Growing in large "stalks" similar to slime mold, Soda Jerks begin fighting for dominance upon attaining sentience. Their main source of food, as will be throughout life, is, appropriately, carbonated soft drinks. Larval soda jerks battle for dominance until there is only one larva left.
===Maturation===
Because of pheromonal secretioins by other larvae, Soda Jerks cannot mature until their fellow larvae are killed. During maturation, they develop the quintessential traits of a Soda jerk, including a dorky hat (hattus dorkus), Smart-ass grin (smilium snidius), and a matching uniform, from adaptive camouflage. They typically take on an archetypical form, resembling that of a lanky, young, human male, as these traits form. 
At this point, they begin to communicate using speech. Because Soda Jerks lack fully evolved recognition centers in their ganglia, they usually use terms such as "sport," "chum," or "buddy" for all people. They typically begin addressing objects with these "titles" Rare mutations sometimes result in the addition of "Skippy" to their repetoire. Voice mimickry allows them to change their accent depending on region, but the vast majority, will, by default, take a midwestern accent as an evolutionary throwback.
===Senescence===
Little is known about the Soda Jerk as it reaches old age. It is believed that they typically crawl under the counter and die after closing, and initiate sporogenesis immediately prior to death, feeding their offspring. However, it is known that a rare few become Yes men and Corporate Suckups, latching directly onto powerful corporate and political leaders for nourishment. Others, typically those who mature in the inner city are rumored to become schmoes. This is unconfirmed by dissection, and genetic analysis is pending.
==Extinction==
Soda jerks were near extinction in the mid-1960s, because of the rampant destruction of their breeding grounds, and the eventual dominace over their species by Frycooks. However, they have since made a comeback due in large part to the rise of nostalgic theme restaurants such as Johnny Cockpit's, or Smell's Diner. 
==Mythology==
It is believed by many that Soda Jerks never dispense happiness, only death and disease. 
Category:American culture
Category:Occupations
Sodium

So- I mean Natrium is a chemical element with atomic number 11 and symbol So. It is the last element in most periodic table songs, as more news for new elements have yet to come to Harvard.Periodic Table Song Like many other alkali metals, Natrium reacts violently with dihydrogen monoxide. It is also allegedly used "for salty times."Another Periodic Table Song
== History ==
Natrium has been known since ancient times, but no one knew what it looked like. That changed in 1807 when Humphry Davy isolated it from natrium hydroxide. A few minutes later, he a sploded himself from the natrium's exposure to moisture. Since then, pure natrium has been banned from being produced in large quantities.
== Physical properties ==
Natrium is a boring grey useless metal physically. You can cut it easily with a knife, it easily tarnishes when exposed to air, and it can even float on water. You can be like Jesus, except your feet will burn from all of the buring of the natrium metal. One of the only good uses for it physically is burning it to produce a blindingly yellow color.
== Chemical properties ==
Natrium, upon contack with water, will split the water into hydrogen and a hydroxide ion. What's an ion? Go ask father Wikipedia. However, the natrium will merge with the hydroxide to form the afformentioned sodiu- I MEAN natrium hydroxide. The lone hydrogen combines with another hydrogen to form molecular hydrogen. Chemical formula:
\mathrm{So + 2H_2O = SoOH + H_2}
In the end, everyone around the swimming pool dies because you dropped your 2 grams of natrium in it. You are a monster.
=== SoK ===
SoK, alternative name NaK, is an alloy of salt and bananas. Because bananas are so sweet and salt so salty, the two have a fight and form SoK. SoK is very reactive with substances like bromine and water due to being a mix of two polar opposites. SoK comprising of 40-90% bananas is a liquid at STP. What is STP? Go ask father Wikia. Or don't. I don't care. SoK is useful in making fake "packages" for porch pirates. Unfortunately, telling how to make SoK bombs will get me put into deep trouble.
== References ==
Sodomite

A sodomite (also called a sod or buttfucker) is someone who loves to engage in sodomy on the daily. This can include both anal and oral sex, as well as bestiality. Statistics show that most sodomites are of Austrian heritage or descent, with around 29.3 sexual partners.
Dr Evil (pictured on the right) is a prime example of a sodomite, constantly fucking his subordinates until their arses bleed out like a pus-filled blackhead. Dr Evil is almost always seen with his pet cat Mister Bigglesworth, oftentimes snuggled up in his lap shagging dead mice like the little sodomite he is.
Sodomites can often be found on Wikipedia, editing random posts to "remove grammatical errors" or "change the pronouns of a dead person", when really all they're doing undercover is secretly finding new fuckmates to penetrate and please anally. This is one of the multitude of reasons as to why one should choose Uncyclopedia over Wikipedia, for fear of being raped.
 
Category:Homosexuality 
Category:People in Hell
Soft drink

A soft drink (also known as soda, pop, tonic, lolly water, and liquid snap) is a dangerous substance that could induce 'sobering down'. This dangerous condition can cause heightening of fear, inability to talk like a Tang, and makes women appear as ugly as they are. Such drinks need to be consumed with love, or preferably with Molson Canadian.
The lack of alcohol in a soft drink makes it safe for consumption, while the carbonated bubbles enhance the taste and make it superior to such noxious substances such as Kool-Aid.
Category:Drink
Category:Beverages
Software

Computer software, or just Software, is a collection of fuzzy logic, often zeros and ones, that when viewed at precisely the right angle create the illusion of velvet undergarments.
Software has been rising in popularity in recent years, due to the amazing number of things it is capable of doing. In olden days, (pre 1527) software had a reputation for ceasing to work. This was called a hard wedgie. However, due to recent advances in nonotechnology, this no longer happens. Instead, software actually becomes softer as it approaches the limits of its capabilities.
Currently, no software in the world has crashed in over ten years. It is speculated that the only possible way to crash software now is a worldwide calamity, on the order of an asteroid collision, or large-scale nuclear explosion. 
Many software creators have moved to India where they find cheap cotton fabrics like madras and percale which they 'code' into inexpensive software. 
Fortunately Oscar had friends who were skilled at hand coding and always had a plenteous supply of software.
An even more fuzzy type of software is "Shareware". Its commonly found in fleemarkets where people share their old clothes they dont need anymore for a penny or a dime. Another type of shareware is say that the above words amuse you. If the words were shareware, you could give me money, but only if you want to, to my e-gold account nr. 491192. If I could double that money in a year by sharing it with different investors, I would give you back 150% of what On wheels! you gave me a year earlier. Alternatively I can pray for your near and dear so that they will have a better life, both this and the next one. Now dont ask for your uncle to become my grandson in next life, that would be unforgivable. If that is not Shareware, then what is??? ;-)
==Software programs that work or ones that appear to work== 
The software listed below has a 01010% chance of working properly, however if it doesn't, it will turn into a huge monster and eat your computer which has been running for 11010 hours.
*Firefox The browser so lame it needs a web site of supporters to spread it and force people to use it.
*Internet Explorer Supposively surfs the net with the best security.
==Software programs that halt== 
*Cubase
*Version 1.0
*Rhythmyx
*Dadadodo
==See also==
*Hardware
*Agile software development
Category:Sexuality
 
Category:Things that may be out to get you
Category:Vital articles
bar:Software
es:Software
fr:Logiciel
id:Perangkat lunak
ja:ソフトウェア
ko:소프트웨어
nds:Software
pt:Software
Software pirate

Software pirates are a classification of pirates who focus on roaming the Internet and stealing software. They are, as can be expected, a plague upon our society, a disgusting breed of people who rip copyrighted material from the hands of their creators, who wreck the economy and ruin the electronic world for the rest of us, and - worst of all - who hack innocent sites only to
404: Page not found
We at Uncyclopedia humbly apologize for the inconvenience and ask that you take your complaints to the proper department.
Hint: Blame Wikia
Connection to database lost
Error from server reads: I feel as though we've got nothing in common anymore. I'm sorry that I don't understand, but I can't. I just can't. (Error 104)
Have you blamed Wikia yet
Connection to database found again in heartwarming moment
Server message: I missed you so much. Let's never let syntax get in our way again!
Blame Wikia for the downtime anyway. Get on it, you newb.
Arrrr, we be sorry about that.
Eneeway.
Software pirates 'ave been sailin' cyberspace since teh internets wuz just a wee lad. A wee slow lad, mind ye.
Category:Copyright
Category:Piracy
pt:Software pirata
Solar System

The Solar System, also known as System of a Down, is a method of human absorption of solar energy, also known as totally screwing yourself.
== Introduction ==
Created by Dr. John Atkins, the solar system is a popular method of weight loss. People who are on the solar system do not eat meals at all. Instead, they install solar panels on their body to collect the energy they need. These panels do not just absorb sunlight but also the light of planets.
== Mode of Operation ==
It is well known that all things in the universe emit photons or, more accurately, little balls of light. By absorbing these photons the light energy can be converted into other forms of energy, including ATP which is used by the cells in the body to provide them with energy. This means that the body does not need to absorb energy through food as it gets it directly from the universe.
== Side effects ==
Unfortunately, the system is not without it's flaws. For example, the mood of the panels' wearer can be affected by the light of whichever heavenly body is emitting the most photons at the time. The planets cause the following moods:
*Sol (The Sun): gives the owner a bright outlook on life.
*Mercury: Heightens the wearer's voice and causes them to think their name is Freddy.
*Venus: Makes the bearer extremely tedious and boring.
*Earth: Gives the owner a watermelon seed in his stomach.
*Mars: Gives the owner an overwhelming craving for caramel, chocolate and a nougaty centre.
*Jupiter: Makes the wearer very gassy.
*Saturn: Gives the bearer an addiction to jewelry.
*Uranus: Don't ask.
*Neptune: Makes the owner allergic to seafood.
*Zula: Makes the wearer smell & like oranges.
*Pluto: Was kicked out of the family in August 2006. It was told that it was too small for the job, and as a result, is currently seeking legal action against the solar system for size discrimination. 
*2003 UB313: Was denied a job in the solar system along with Pluto, and, like Pluto, is considering legal action once it gets off the bong.
== Purchasing the system ==
The sale of the Solar System is banned in all countries and it can now be purchasd only on several websites that no longer exist. Except... No, wait, i didn't just say that you can buy them for $299.99 at here--> buy
== Remembering the order of the planets ==
For those who can't remember the order of the planets, just use this method:
My
Very
Easy
Method
Just 
Speeds
Up
Naming
(Planets)
...
== Also See ==
* Anal System
Category:The universe
Category:Vital articles
de:Sonnensystem
es:Sistema Solar
fa:منظومه شمسی خانم
fi:Aurinkokunta
hu:Naprendszer
it:Sistema solare
ko:태양계
pl:Układ Słoneczny
pt:Sistema Solar
ru:Солнечная система
sk:Slnečná sústava
sv:Solsystemet
th:ระบบสะริยุบ
zh:太阳系
zh-tw:太陽系
Solemskogen

Solemskogen is an independent state in the middle of Norway. It is largely populated by moose-like people, but a small number of humans still live there, refusing to give up on their claims to the forest nearby, the "kökskog". The crime-rate is the highest in Europe, because of the roaming tribes of moose with poor education, which repeatedly burn down the state wood-church.
==General== 
*The currency is a little furry animal known as "Petter". NAM!
*The head of state is a very green piece of wood, which, if you stare at it, will open a transdimentional port, shove you through it and scowl at you in a rather accusing way.
*Due to hostility towards Norway, Solemskogen's existence is denied by the Norwegian government.
* Every year the inhabitants in Solemskogen have a huge party to celebrate Solemskogen's day of independence( November 30), where they eat blueberry muffins and Petter.
*Kjelsås just lost 5 mooses, because of the Helsingen family moving away.
==History==
Solemskogens first appearance on the map was as the independent republic of SLMSKGaaN, being the Norwegian word for "the annoying beep you get in your ear sometimes, but not after summer, and not after sexual relations with your brother's wife". this was in 1199. After a series of unions and failed coalitions (especially the rather unconvinient one with Equador), the country was invaded by Finnish pimps in 1240, bringing about a change in culture. "WQQ", the art of keeping your eyes open even when they dry up, was banned, and then replaced by a sort of pancake. 
Up until this day, Solemskogen has remained mostly as it was in 1240, just without the Finnish pimps, who were all killed by drunk Sami people.
People that don't know Solemskogens forests, is warned NOT to enter these woods, because of the famous pedophile, Jotta that lives there.
After the the invasion of the Finnish Pimps in 1240, it was chaos in Kjelsås/Solemskogen and dinosaurs and polar bears were roaming the streets, eating and terrorising people. Luckily the family Zachariassen got control over the area and is now controlling Solemskogen and the area around it.
Solemskogen wins the prize "healtiest town" every every year. This is not because of the population here (which is actually pretty unhealty) but beacause of ONE boy, named Hermansen. On Kjelsås it is a myth that says he has never tasted candy..
==Facts about Solemskogen==
*Area: approx. 50000000 sq. kilometres (About the size of a normal Ikea)
*Population: 99(humans) and 12^3 (moose)
*Major cities: None (at all) (Petter)
*Form of Government: Violinistic Dictatorship
*Solemskogen is known to have invented the hair and the art of reproducing asexually.
Category:Norway
Solomon Islands

The Solomon Islands (Pijin: Solomon Aelan), now officially known as the Military Base of the Solomon Islands is a country in Oceania. It recently signed a security deal with China and ended recognition of Taiwan, making it now one of the most hated countries in the world according to Australia, Japan, the United States and South Korea. They have the most corrupt government in the world run by a tyrant known as Democracy. The people of the Solomon Islands also have huge protests about every election where they break shop windows and vandalise Chinatown all the time. Above all though, the Solomon Islands is a good country though, unless you're Chinese, the government likes you but normal people will throw rocks at you.
== 1945 Invasion of Vanuatu ==
On 2 September 1945, the Solomon Islands rallied their massive Navy and sent a kayak to Vanuatu with a former Japanese soldier (the entirety of their armed forces) and a Chinese bureaucrat. They arrived in Vanuatu The bureaucrat read out a declaration of war, stole the kayak and fled to New Caledonia to seek asylum as the soldier burned down the Joint Forces Base of Vanuatu. Unfortunately for the invading navy, there was an American tourist visiting Vanuatu. The Soldier and the Bureaucrat had effectively defeated the Vanuatu military, but neither the Solomon Navy nor the Joint Forces of Vanuatu had access to modern weapons. The American was visiting Vanuatu to hunt the local wildlife, but gladly took the opportunity to shoot a human being (as Americans do). The soldier was killed and peace returned to the Pacific Ocean.
Category:Oceanian countries
pt:Ilhas Salomão
Category:Islands
Category:Countries
Some

Some is something that some people need to get. Some is often times an object that people desire a some what but are some how unable to obtain, and thus sometimes times has them exclaiming that "I need to get some." 
==What is Some==
Some philosophers have posed some questions on what some things some could be. Some of these things that some could be are posted on some list that some people will find annoying, but I so very like some-what:
*Not this list
*Nor this entry
*Contact with a member of the opposite sex
*Contact with anyone
*Something that is very naughty and shouldn't be talked about at all
*Diry, hardcore, rotten sex
However, some philosophers like Hobbes, who's written some of the best articles on some things of some interest feel that some is obtainable only if some of the people who want some give some to some of the other people also in need of some.
==How to get Some==
Since it is not usually (i.e; only sometimes) understood what some, exactly, is, it is some what difficult to explain some of the methods on how to get some. 
Getting some may involve some strange activities, some obsene things or some illegal activities. Exclaiming that you 'need some' will often get you nowhere at all, as opposed to somewhere. However, asking for some in some different fashion may get you some in a some-what more successful manner.
==Some problems with some==
The problems with some is that some is such a common word that sometimes some people who go into some establishments on a some-what regular basis to do something will not know which some you are talking about. Some is some-what of some word for a female dog about that quality of some.
==Some Famous People Who Have Not Gotten Some==
Some famouse people to some not-so-famous people have not gotten some. Here's a list of some of them:
*Morrissey
*You
*Mary, Mother of God
*Joseph, Father but not biologically, of God
*Hitler
==Some People Who Have Gotten Some==
*Me (actually, quite a lot)
*Bill Clinton
*Your mom (especially last night)
*Captain James T. Kirk
*Eva Braun
*God
==Some People Who Are Some==
*P. Danforth Some
==Conclusion==
Some is the basis for humanity. Some of humanity strongly desires some and some large amount of some, while some others have a to some degree, less than others. However, it can be agreed upon by some that some is not yet defined, but some how we all have some understand to what some of some may be.
Category:Words
Category:Language
Category:Philosophy
Some Dude

Some Dude was born under the name Jimmy Smith, or something like that. He was born in like, March of 1950-something and died in the 90's or whenever it was that he died. Anyway, Jimmy had no impact on the world whatsoever and he never really did anything at all, but he has an Uncyclopedia page about him for some reason. I don't know what he did to get a biography written about him. Whatever he did, it was something. Now, where was I? Oh yes, the life of Jimmy Smith, also known as Some Dude.
==Early Life==
So, like I said, Jimmy was born in some place at some point in time somewhere to his parents, whose names are unknown. I'm guessing their last names were Smith because his name is Jimmy Smith. Or was it John Doe? Yeah, whatever, on with his early life.
In school, he kind of just blended into the crowd and nobody really noticed him. He went by the nickname of "Some Dude". This led into what would be his future legal name, after he graduated from Some University with a PhD in apathy.
==1 day later==
Jimmy Smith Some Dude got his first job as a data processor for some computer company. He didn't really like this job that much, so he quit and decided to take up his dream job- an accountant. He was perfect for the job, I guess, because he made a lot of money off of being an accountant and had a wife and 2 kids and lived in a big house in Anytown, USA or something. I'm not quite sure anyway.
One day, Some Dude met fire hydrant. They were the best of friends due to the fact that they had no impact on the world whatsoever. Some Dude was enjoying his life.
==Music==
Some Dude liked to listen to music. One of his favorite musicians was Not You of Band. His second favorite was me. Yeah. As a child, Some Dude aspired to become a musician, but that never happened. But he still listens to music. I think he went to a concert or two... Or maybe three. I don't know. One time, he shouted "Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" at a concert, if I recall correctly. 
==Claims to Fame==
Some Dude became famous when he appeared in the background of a local newscast for a length of 1.00235956 seconds. He found a penny after appearing, which made him rich. He believed that it was because of this infamous TV appearance. Or maybe no. I don't know.
Also, Some Dude and 'Some Other Dude' are famous for leaping out of 'friggin' nowhere' and 'totally whaling on some guy'.
==Books==
Some Dude didn't write any books, but he sure liked to read them. His favorite book was Lord of the Rings. Or maybe it was The Grapes of Wrath. I can't figure out which one he liked better. But what am I supposed to know about him? And why the hell am I even writing this?
==Death==
Some Dude came to an unfortunate and untimely death when he was 40 or something like that. He died after eating a ham sandwich. Or maybe it was bologna. He had a funeral that some people came to and they mourned his death for like two minutes, I think.
==Afterlife== 
Some Dude went to some place somewhere after he died or something like that... Or maybe he reincarnated. I don't know. Something like that.
Category:This Guy