Five Nights In Love With Freddy

It's as if I was made for loving him, like the fashion of his love. Allow me to introduce myself, my name is Hugh Janis. I work at a shitty pizzeria that is hot as hell and smells like sweat and decade old pizza sauce infused metal. I am clearly living the dream. What's even better is that I don't work the dayshift where fucking Mickey Mouse and friends or whatever their names are are just chilling n' shit with people. No, I work the nightshift. You know, when the entire place looks like it would be filled with creatures lurking in the darkness that would just straight up kill Mickey Mouse & Friends.
__NOTOC__
== Night 1 ==
Let's just start at the beginning. (Because where else do you start?) It was my first night working at a magical place called "Freddy Fazbear's Pizza". The time was 12 AM. My shift has begun. Suddenly, the phone on my desk rang. I answered it not knowing what I was in for. Some guy who sounded like his life was in the shitter said "Hello, hello? Uh, I wanted to record a message for you to help you get settled in on your first night. Um, I actually worked in that office before you. I'm finishing up my last week now, as a matter of fact. So, I know it can be a bit overwhelming, but I'm here to tell you there's nothing to worry about. Uh, you'll do fine. So, let's just focus on getting you through your first week. Okay?" Not the most reassuring call but whatever.
"Uh, let's see, first there's an introductory greeting from the company that I'm supposed to read. Uh, it's kind of a legal thing, you know. Um, 'Welcome to Freddy Fazbear's Pizza. A magical place for kids and grown-ups alike, where fantasy and fun come to life. Fazbear Entertainment is not responsible for damage to property or person. Upon discovering that damage or death has occurred, a missing person report will be filed within 90 days, or as soon property and premises have been thoroughly cleaned and bleached, and the carpets have been replaced.'" And I was like "bitch what?" but then I remembered that it's just a prerecorded message. The rest of the call I completely forgot about since I was too busy staring at the Chuck E Cheese lookin' ass robots. There was something about them that just... fascinated me. Anyway, for some odd reason, the security camera I was using to spy on them out of nowhere just stopped working. All I could see through it was static. After about a minute, the camera was working again but I noticed that one of the robots was missing.
It was the bear one that must've moved. I quickly checked the other cameras on the old ass computer to then find him in the "West hallway". Aka, the hallway to the office that I'm in. I remembered how I was told about there being two buttons next to each of the doors in the office: one to turn a light for a few seconds, and the other to close the security doors. I pressed the button to turn on a light near the hallway and I saw Freddy my soon to be lover in the flesh. You know I pressed the red-dead-bread-fred ass button to close the door on him! But then he did something that made me rethink how I felt about him. Freddy put a sign up against the window that said in crude writing, "give me the wifi password". "ool!" I thought to myself, "he's a sussy wussy?" That's the moment when I fell in love with him. After about a minute, he left. Nothing else happened for the rest of the night.
== Night 2 ==
Ah yes, the second night of my life. I couldn't wait to see my Fweddy Weddy! I only focused on him the entire night. It was to the point where the other furry robot things almost got into the office multiple times. The same loser guy from last night tried calling me but I completely ignored the phone. I wanted my Febby Fazbaer. No, I needed him. When he finally paid me a visit again, I squealed in joy. Senpai ran away after hearing that. :(
== Night 3 ==
Ever since Monday, I've been thinking about him. After a lot of thinking and angst, I was ready. I was ready to confess my feelings to Feddy. I was Ready For Freddy.
As soon as my shift started and everyone else was gone, I ran to the stage. Freddy was shocked at my speed. I told him everything. Everything I've already told in this shitshow of a story. Freddy stood in complete silence. He then came up to my ear and whispered "I sexually Identify as go౦ԁ sHit👌 thats ✔ some good👌👌shit right👌👌there. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of ƽaүing so my self 💯 i say so💯💯. People say to me that a person being mMMMMᎷМ💯 👌👌 👌НO0ОଠOOOOOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ👌 👌👌 👌 💯 👌 👀 👀 👀 👌👌Good shit is Impossible and I'm a fuckin' idiot but I don't care." 
That means he loves me!
Fuck everything else that went down that night, I was finally with my Romeo! And I promised to him to be his Juliet!
== Night 4 ==
I forgot to mention that during last night, Peepaw Freddie gave me his phone number. The phone in the office wasn't meant to be used for "counterproductive purposes" but I didn't care. I'll be damned if anyone tries to stop me. I called Freddie and he picked up the phone almost immediately. "Poop”.
== Night 5 ==
Night five. This love is difficult, but it's real. Me and him held hands in the kitchen while Chica (one of those other furry robots I've previously mentioned) made us a pizza for our date. But Bonnie was jealous. Foxy didn't like us dating either. They came up with a plan to kill me but as always Freddie Bae proved his superiority by tearing their limbs off. While eating and staring love-ingly into each other's eyes, I got a phone call. I tried to decline it but it wouldn't let me? The call then automatically picked up.
I recongized the guy's voice as he said "you like poop. I'M ON MY WAY RIGHT NOW YOU One-Eyed Bomb-Lobbin' Cactus-Eatin' Pot-Bellied Punk Bloody Fat-Jigglin' Whoppin' Big Backstabbin' Lard-Armed Creepy Spastic Little Bloody Blind-Eyed Precious Little Twitchy Pickle-Headed Rocket-Hoppin' Plod- Potato-Hoppin' Phony Two-Faced Filthy Mutant Bastard!" I had the entire call on speaker so that Freddie Weddie heard the whole thing. Needless to say, we were both ready to jump this mofo when he comes.
Eventually, the bastard arrived. As soon as he walked into the building, Freddie shanked him. I then smashed a bottle on his face. Chica ate his body faster then I could kiss my Fazy Wazy right now.
== Epilogue ==
There was magic poop. The end.
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