Blake Snell

Blake Ashton Snell is a MLB pitcher and Twitch Streamer. He has played for the Tampa Ray Rays, the San Diego Dads, and the NRG Clan. Snell is known for his nickname "Snellzilla" due to his ability to breathe fire.
== Early Life ==
Snell was born on December 7, 1941 in Seattle, Washington DC. He was originally a fan of the Seattle Marine Corp, but due to them being a "slapdick" team he stopped paying attention to them. Snell instead spent his youth growing his reputation in esports. By 2009, Snell had won 16 COD, 7 League of Legends, and 4 Mario Kart Double Dash championships. Snell put a halt to his esports career in 2010, after losing to Samuel in the Super Smash Bros Brawl championship. He raged at the event, calling it a "slapdick" game on his way out. 
Snell decided to get back into baseball around this time, quickly becoming a top pitcher at Morning Wood High School. In his senior year, he struck out 8000 batters in 9 games after developing his signature "Fireball" pitch. Snell ended up burning down the math building at Morning Wood and was expelled from the "slapdick" institution. Still, MLB teams were anticipating taking Snell in the upcoming draft. 
== Tampa Bay Pedophiles ==
==== Wanders League ====
The Tampa Ray Rays took Snell in the first round of the 2011 MLB draft. Snell didn't learn he was drafted until 2 months later, as he was attempting to beat Tetris live on twitch. Between 2012-2015 Snell pitched between the Ray's various minor league teams. These included the Child Touchers, the Non Consenters, and the First Customers. Snell excelled, touching 230 children and striking out 40000 batters. Snell threw a No Consenter against the Damascus Cubs, stating that he owned that "slapdick" team.
By 2015, Snell had reached 500K Twitch followers and celebrated by streaming Halo 5. During the stream, Snell started talking about all the children he touched during the season, and authorities immediately pulled up to his house to arrest him. Approximately 10 minutes later, the entire house was burned down and Snell was no where to be seen.
==== Ray Rays ====
In 2016, Snell was promoted to the Tampa Ray Rays. However, he missed his first start because he was too busy beating a Super Mario Maker level deemed to be impossible. The Rays watched his sick gameplay on Twitch, and decided they would push back his first start. In his first start, Snell walked 500 batters and struck out 800 batters. He only threw 1 fireball during the game and it lit the catcher on fire. After his start, Snell streamed live from Rays stadium and exclaimed "Chat is this real."
In 2017 Snell was dogshit, only being able to throw 1 inning per game. The Rays sent him back down to the First Customers, but Snell refused to play in the minors. Instead, he spent May and June playing Titan Fall 2. He eventually quit the game after losing to Valkyries dad, calling it a "slapdick" boss battle. He returned to pitch for the Rays in July, where he finally got his fireball working and became an elite starting pitcher.
==== Streamer of the Year ====
In 2018, Snell pulled off an incredible multi sport season, winning both the MLB pitcher of the year and Fortnite World Champion.
With the Rays, Snell had his first all sex selection and led MLB with 2M strikeouts by July. He also made his debut in his hometown against the Marine Corps. With his whole family watching, Snell set an MLB record 3 batters on fire. After the all sex game, Snell was placed on the 10 day IL with 2 bruised thumbs. Snell admitted this was due to him button mashing too much on Fortnite.
Snell returned in August and started against the Chicago Black Sex. After DOMINATING them, Snell stated "I don't got any KFC for them." In September Snell set Tampa Ray Ray records in Children Touched while striking out 30000 million batters. The children touched record would be broken a few years later by a certain shortstock. Snell also dropped his first atomic bomb this season. On November October, Snell won the pitcher of the year, becoming the first Tampa Ray Ray to win the award since I did in 2012. Snell did not show up to recieve his award as he was playing zone wars with Evan Pham.
With the launch of Fortnite Battle Royale, Snell was eager to become the best player immediately. In fortnite, Snell hit 43 home runs, stole 17 bases, and drove in 88 runs. On November 10, Snell beat Ninja in the 0th Fortnite World Cup and was deemed "slapdick" champion.
==== 2019 ====
On March 2091, Snell agreed to a 5 year $50M contract with the Rays, that was to only be paid out in Playstation gift cards. Snell pitched 2 games into the season before he was placed on the IL for REALLY breaking his toe moving furniture in the bathroom. While on the IL Snell decided to undergo surgery on his elbow to remove the "slapdick" ligaments in his arm. While he missed most of the 2019 season, Snell finished the year as the 2nd best Apex Legends player behind Talking Yam. 
Snell was able to appear as an elite closer in the playoffs that year against the Asstros. Snell accidently set the stadium on fire, and the Rays were eliminated.
== Bottom Fragging ==
==== Twitch Controversies ====
Before the 2020 season, the Tampa Ray Rays made a trade with the San Diego Fathers. The dads recieved Evan Pham and some shitter, while the Rays acquired Oakland Raiders wide receiver Hunter Renfroew and, in the words of Snell, a "SLAPDICK PROSPECT!" Snell yelled this to his twitch streamers as he reacted to the trade live. He then cried and tried to kill himself on stream, but one of his viewers convinced him not to after donating a PSN gift card. 
Due to Samuel, the COVID 19 pandemic spread around the world and caused the MLB season to be cut short. On stream, Snell stated how he didn't want to pitch in this "slapdick" season because he wouldn't get paid his full contract. His viewers criticized him for his selfish decisions, but Snell had his admin, The Deep, remove the toxic followers from the chat. Snell had another controversy on stream when his viewers accused him of being high on stream. Snell REALLY responded by saying...
"I don't drink beer i don't do drugs I don't smoke I never have I never will I don't care for that shit I just want to be great at baseball I don't care about partying I don't care about being center of attention I don't care about none of that being a cool kid going out I don't care about any of that ok. I PLAY VIDEO GAMES. I LOVE MY DOG. AND I CUDDLE MY DOG WHEN HE GOES TO SLEEP BECAUSE HE DESERVES IT. I don't got time to be drinking brooskis packin lips I don't do any of that stuff I'm never going to EVERYONE THAT THINKS IM HIGH, YOUR AN IDIOT. I don't smoke I don't do drugs because why because it messes with your life and it makes you a loser in the end IM NOT HERE TO BE A LOSER IM HERE TO PLAY VIDEO GAMES AND TAKE DUBS and punchies all da... ya we got parties in the chat but those are sober parties."
==== 2020 World Series Champions! ====
In the shortened season, Snell was alright like. In the playoffs he was insane, as he struck out 8000 batters with his 300mph fireball. He gave no consent to the Toronto True Gays in the wild card round, and then he DOMINATED the Yankees in the division series. However, Snell lost his game against the Yankees because he could not beat Giancarlo Stanton's "Watch This." magic. With the help of some mother fucker named Randy, the Rays beat both the Yankees and the Asstros to advance to the World Series! To celebrate, Snell hosted a smash bros ultimate tournament with his followers. Snell came in 2nd in his own tournament, losing to some shitter named Yess._. who spammed pk fire with Ness.
The Rays faced the Los Angeles Doyers in the WS, a team that Snell labeled full of "slapdick" players. The Dodgers won Game 1 after Mookie Betts gave 37 blowjobs, but Snell helped the Rays win Game 2 after lighting Mac Munk on fire. The Dodgers won Game 3 after Chris Taylor hit a woman, but the Rays won game 4 after Hunter Renfroew threw a game winning touchdown to Olivia Rodriguo. The dodgers won game 5 after the record for most gunshots was broken by Justin Turner, who is not the brother of Megan Turner, unlike Trea Turner, who is the brother of Megan Turner. Snell drank 18 bottles of Red Bull before his game 6 start, and he went off. Snell struck out 60 out of the first 10 batters he faced, and began to throw blue fireballs instead of regular fireballs. Snell was still going crazy in the 6th inning, but the Rays manager Kevin Yee pulled Snell from the game. Snell was furious, yelling "Who tf invited this kid?!" and as he walked back to the dugout kept yelling "slapdick" manager. Immediately after Snell was removed, Mookie Betts ejaculated to tie the game and then ejaculated a second time to give the Dodgers the lead. The lead would hold and the Doyers would win the World Series. 
Snell lit Kevin Yee on fire, and then left the Rays stadium saying "I hope your future superstar gets caught dating 14 year olds!" Snell tried to cool off by playing MLB the Show, but his viewers trolled him by only using Dodgers players. Snell got so angry he burned down his house a second time, and was kicked out of Florida by the governor, Arthur Kende.
== The Fathers ==
==== Pads ====
The Tampa Ray Rays traded Snell to the San Diego Shitters, in exchange for "slapdick" prospects following his Florida eviction. Snell reported late to the Padres concentration camp as he was too busy building his perfect Animal Crossing village. Upon arrival, Snell slotted into the Number 2 starting pitcher role behind Poo Darvish. He also worked with Darvish's personal catcher Victor "the homie" Caratini, due to Caratini being immune to fire.
During the 2021 season, Snell once again sucked ass in the first half. He lit 800 batters on fire while not recording a single out. Snell finished the first half with one win, thanks to the homie Victor "going to town" on the Cincinatti Menstruals. Snell bounced back in July after stroking the penises of multiple Mets, even streaming it live on pornhub. He was put on the injured list shortly after due to food poisoning, claiming it was from the Nicaraguan candies.
In August, Snell was cracked out of his sexy mind. He struck out every batter in the games he pitched, even striking out his own teammates. This unfourtantly caused the padres to collapse and miss the playoffs, upsetting Snell. On stream, Snell trashed the Padres stating "I ain't trying to play for a SLAPDICK organization." In that same stream, Snell broke his hand from punching the monitor too hard, ending his 2021 season. He was playing BTD6 and lost at round 79.
==== Academic Comeback ====
After the Padres sacrificed the homie Victor to satan, Snell refused to pitch for the first 2 months of the season. He instead spent his time playing Mario Kart 8 Deluxe, where he won 631 consecutive races live on twitch. In his 632nd game, Snell got blue shelled a record 79 times and finished second place. Snell burned down his home a third time, and decided to come back for the Padres.
Snell once again was ass in the first half, as he couldn't even grope 1 teenage girl. Snell started realizing that he might just be a "slapdick" pitcher, and took the month of July off to hone his skills. While he did work on baseball in July, he also bought a ps5 and played Spider Man: Miles Morales. Snell made sure to never take off Miles' mask.
Upon his return in Agut, Snell became an elite pitcher once again. He developed a new selection of pitches, including his fire ball, a smoke ball, a lava ball, and a radiation ball. In the last 2 months of the season, Snell made it HOTTER THAN MIAMI setting an MLB record in average pitch temperature. He was forced to drop the radiation ball after giving too many players cancer, unfortunately. With Snell's success the Padres made the playoffs, but were molested by the Pillows.
Following the season, Snell hosted a Splatoon 3 tournament on twitch. Snell was forced to cut the stream early after his viewers kept sending him Inkling Girl R34. Snell would scold his fans for this on air, but secretly asked for more pics off camera.
==== Run it Back ====
For the 2023 season, Snell was named the Dads starting gamer for the season. This came after Poo Darvish strained his dick from group sex with team Japan, and after Joe Susglove dropped a 100 pound dumbell on his left testicle. Like always, he was ass in April and Snell officialy deemed it a "slapdick" month. However in May, Snell simply uttered "Run it Back." Throughout May, June and June Snell was on fire (literally) and dominated the major leagues. Snell was originally planned to participate in the all sex game, but opted out to play Tears of the Kingdom instead. Snell continued being HIM in august and june, evetnually leading the MLB in strikeouts, runs allowed, and fires started. With all this success, Snell one his second pitcher of the year, becoming the youngest player to win this award twice at just 5 months in the womb. To pair with his second award, Snell also dropped his second atomic bomb. With the Padres missing the playoffs again, Snell decided to not resign with them, calling them a "slapdick" team on his way out. 
Many teams like the Doggers, Dickbacks, They/Thems, and Red Sex were all ready to suck Snell off. However, Snell decided to retire from MLB and become a full time twitch streamer. In his first stream since retirement, Snell played Mortal Kombat 1 live and only used Johnny Cage. Throughout the whole stream Snell only listened to the goated song "International Love." 
==San Francesco==
====Homeless arc====
During the 2023 offseason, many top shitters like time traveler Ohtani were claimed right away. However, Snell and 3 other balls were being gatekept by their negotiating agent, Scott Cawthon. The other 3 players were Cody "420" Bellinger, Matt Chapstick, and Monty Mole. It was never revealed why the 4 balls were held back from signing their deals for so long, although rumor has it they were planned to be stuffed in animatronic suits.Snell took his extended time off work to be a degenerate and play OG Fortnite all day with his new unemployed crew. The 4 kidz broke the MLB record for kills in a game at 159, and 64 straight games played. The group held strong until they switched to Fall Guys. After losing 374 straight games, Cody Bellinger, tweaked af, considered shooting himself before ultimately going to find a job on his own. On the 375th game, Snell and the shitters finally won a game and proceeded to egg Cody's house as a prank. The joke backfired as Mr. 420 had his dick tugged by the Cubs, and the trio had no money to pay for Matt Chapsticks lip medication.
Another 2 months went by and the trio spent their days playing Bloons Tower Defense 6. While Monty Mole kept spamming "I'm the Problem," it was actually Matt Chapstick who suffered as he tore his lips open screaming at the Bloonarius boss. Matt had no choice but to become gay and sign with San Francisco to get his mouth replacement surgery. Chapstick offered a contract in San Fran to his trio, but they needed time to ponder. Snell and Monty Mole did not ponder, they instead switched to Overwatch 2. It took them a while before they found out there was a game.
After another month of aggressive gaming, Snell and Monty Mole broke records in college football by being the first to players to be expelled from their schools. Snell eventually realized the MLB season was a week away, and he still wasn't employed. Even worse, he didn't have enough money to buy the Final Fantasy remake. Despite his deepest beliefs, Snell took Chapsticks "slapdick" offer and also went to San Francisco. Monty Mole called him a faggot before playing Elden Ring for 4 whole days. On the 4th day, Monty's mom spanked him and sent him to the Arizona Diamond Backshots to get it from behind.
====First Half Horror====
Just as predictable as Neel not showing up to class, Snell once again did not show up in the 1st half. However, for once he actually had an excuse. Snell started the MLB season two weeks late as the San Francisco They/Thems needed extra time to oil him up. He was sent to Diddy's grotto.
Snell later made his debut on August 8 against the Washington Internationals. In his debut, Snell threw zero strikes and had no fireballs. The balls were slipping everywhere, for everyone to see. It was like he was drowsed in 1000 bottles of baby oil. Snell made two more horrendous starts against the tampa ray rays (very familiar with baby oil due to somebody) and the Arizona Dickbags (Monty Mole had blackmail in the form of COD voice chat records). Snell eventually became so slippery he fell off the golden gate bridge and was placed on the 20 gaming-session IL.Upon his return from the IL, some of the oil started to dry off and his hitters began to hit their parlays. Snell was mid af versus the Pittsburgh Parrots and Philly Cheese Steaks, but Matt Chapstick led the They/Thems to score 45 runs in each game, a Padres record. It was reported that after the Philly game, Snell 1v1ed Bryce Harper in Fortnite yet again. He almost killed him for the first time, but Monty Mole third partied and drop a monster truck on Snell. A week later, Snell slipped on rotten "slapdick" avocados at Yankee stadium and was placed on the 20 gaming-session IL again.
====Second Half Terrorist====
Snell became the first player in history to beat Spider Man 2 without ever using Miles Morales. He held a 2 day stream for the occasion, opting to skip the birth of his son. Sadly, Snell had to return in early July to touch balls. Just as predictable as Josh Hater bullying minorities, Snell found himself being elite in the 2nd half as always. The oil had dried and he could now throw fireballs again. He showcased it perfectly against the Minnesota Twin Towers, going 7 inches deep and making their 2 best hitters COLLAPSE. Although he had to wait for the all sex break to pass before pitching again, Snell didn't mind as he took the time to vandalize Cody "420's" house with spraypainted Goomba r34.
In his first game after the all sex break, Snell lit the dodgers on fire. Shohei Ohtani managed to create a green fireball when he hit a ball, sending the fan who caught it to 1869. Snell lit Pookie Betts on fire, but the They/Thems scolded him for attacking one of their own. A week later, Snell collected an MLB record 15 strikeouts in half an inning against the Coronado Rockies. After dominating the Rockies, Snell exclaimed "I ain't a Padre no more! You got nothing on me!" About 3 weeks later, the Rockies took out their frustrations by shitting on the Padres.
====Losing the V card====
As San Francisco was a mid ass team, teams were looking to pry their players away in exchange for condoms. Snell feared for his life as he saw teammate George Soler get taken away by the Atlanta boobs, and immediately get breast implants. Snell was catcalled by numerous teams such as the Oreos, Yankeers, Mest, and Dads. At the end of the day though, its night.
In his first start of Augut, Snell threw his first career no consenter against the Cincinatti Menstruals. It was also his first career complete game, earning 3 stars and all 10 minkits. This came just 1 week after 7 incher Dylan Cease of the Padres threw his own no consenter, so yk Snell had to 1 up his former dads. After the game, Snell called out all the fans who cyber bullied him for "not being deep." He stated "I've shown u how deep my slapdick really goes, now leave me alone!" He went on to bingewatch the Boys Season 4, and cried audibly when Deep's octopus died.
Snell went into September on an interesting note, as he was pulled from a game against the Dickbags after just 1 inning. It was reported he had to leave early to go buy the new Iron Man skin in fortnite. Snell stated "I waited a long fucking time for this. Fuck u Bryce." The following weekend, Snell made his return to San Diego and donated a half eaten pizza to the Padres clubhouse. It came with the message "missing what we had..." The dads still didn't let him hit.
After the They/Them's season ended, Snell watched his old team DOMINATE the Boobs in the playoffs. He realized maybe they weren't such a "slapdick" team after all. Snell opted out of his deal with the They/Them's, hoping that the Daddies will bring him back. As he waits for his new contract, Snell booted up a Mortal Kombat stream and played International Love with Johnny Cage. Sadly, chat kept telling him that meme is dead and to kys. Snell let his intrusive thoughts win, and was banned from Twitch that day.
== Epilogue ==
==== Cody "420" Bellinger ====
Mr. 420 returned to the Cubs after having a career HIGH season. Sadly, the addiction got worse in 2024 and he regressed significantly. This led to the dick hangers having a mid season, forcing Cody to return home to his goomba vandalized house early. No other team was looking for drugs, so Mr. 420 had to keep his pants off for at least 2 more years.
==== Matt Chapstick ====
Chapstick loved San Francesco alot more than Blake Snell, leading to a poopgoat kind of year. This led him to sign an extension with the They/Thems that included a lifetime supply of lip gloss, although he needed to accept the eyeliner and makeup too. While he became gay, Chapstick became the face of perfect lip hygene for the They/Them's for their future.
==== Monty Mole ====
Like Snell, Monty Mole started the season late and was sent to an outside facility to warm up. Instead of Diddys grotto, he was sent to the U of Phoenix and had extreme experimentation done on him. He returned to the Dickbags as the worst pitcher in baseball, eventually needing to be sacrificed to the bulls. After the dickbags failure of a season, their owner REALLY SAID he regrets sign Monty Mole and it was the biggest mistake of the season. Purely out of rage, Monty Mole opted into the rest of his contract just to fuck up the dickbags financial decisions.
Category:Baseball players