A Trollpasta (In The Style of Michael Bay)

My name is Joe Merica, and I am a normal American guy. My dream is to save the world if such a disaster ever happens. Whether it's some alien invasion, natural disaster or a storm of pissed of fans. You may think I am just a GI Joe whore, but don't worry, I am just an average dude.
And that's the problem. I'm just an average guy. I have no talents at all. In fact, jocks at my school call me a "dweeb". I wish there was something that I can do that'll make me supercool.
But that's enough about me. At my school, there's this hot babe named Mary Barbara. Like seriously, she's hot. Hotter than the sun! She has big boobs and a nice ass. However, she has the personality of a plastic doll.
I could continue to tell you more about me and how my school has stereotypes, but suddenly, A MASSIVE FUCKING EXPLOSION HAPPENS.
Yeah, a fucking explosion nearby my school.
"Holy shiznit son! A fuckin explosion, muthafuckas!" said Wartkins, who was a guy in my school known to talk gangsta. The teacher stood up and spoke in a boring, monotone voice, "All right guys. We got to escape calmly. Please leave this room in a single file lie and-" Before the teacher could finish his sentence, Wartkins interrupted him.
"Shut tha fuck up, mackdaddy playa! We need ta fuckin run, muthafuckas!"
Everyone in our classroom bolted out of our seats. As we bolt out of our classrooms, we ran through the blue-and-orange hallway that has an American Flag in every corner. How patriotic can this school be?!
As we arrive to the entrance/exit to the school, 20 more explosions happened in the distance, all looking fucking radical. Then, a chopper came out of the sun and arrived at our school property. The chopper was filled with macho army guys came out. The general, who was also muscular as fuck, shouts "ALL RIGHTY, WE MUST SHOOT AS MANY BAD GUYS AS WE FUCKING CAN. GRAB YOUR BAZOOKAS AND LET'S GO KiCK SOME ASS!"
Then, Mary came out and said, "Mmmm, I got an a idea. How about we, mmmmm, run away?"
Wartkins looked at Mary deep into the eyes and said, "Thatz a phat idea yo, but what tha fuck is wit yo' humming?! It aint nuthin but soundz like you up in tha middle of a gangbangin' fuckin orgasm!"
Mary said, "Mmmm, that's how I talk."
"HOLY SHIT, IT'S THE ALIENS!" I cried. I point to the skies, and there were space ships.
"Holy shiznit son! It aint nuthin but a fuckin' alien disc!"
The aliens cried out of the megaphone and said "Yo! We's here t'kill Michael Bay fo' ruinin' Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!" The army said, "IT'S THE FUCKING ALIENS! KILL THEM ALL!!!" While shooting, all of a sudden, the sunny day turned into dusk, and there was a sunset. Also, it was raining American Flags. And everything was in slow motion. Also, the guns were producing lens flare...fucking everywhere.
"Umm, what's happening?" said Mary. However, Mary was different. Instead of her being blonde, she was a brunette. And the large breasts and tiny butt turned obese. In fact, everyone looked different! Including me! I looked like Mark Hamill!
THEN, AFTER THREE HOURS OF FIGHTING, THE ALIENS DIED. A FUCKING NUCLEAR EXPLOSION OCCURED.
But what about the army? Well, the guys came out of the sunset, and walked in fucking slow-mo.
And I made out with the hot girl.
THEN A FUCKING EXPLOSION HAPPENED
THEN EPIC MUSIC HAPPEN IN THE END.
THE END.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Stuff Blowing Up
Category:Overused Running Gag
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:That just raises more questions!
Category:Excessive Profanity
Category:WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT