Monopoly: THE MOVIE

The Monopoly Movie is an upcoming 2015 adventure comedy film... but how good is it? I took time out of my day to watch the only copy in existence so far, and they're using ME as the guinea pig before they release it in theaters.
== PLOT ==
The movie begins with a dark and depressing city street, soon zooming up to an alleyway, showing the Monopoly Man (Dennis Hopper), living on the streets in a cardboard box without a job and with nobody around. That is, until a man comes up and offers him a chicken crunchwrap. As the man walks away, it turns out the crunch wrap's chicken was nothing more than a fried paper towel, and the lettuce was a million dollar bill, and the tomato was a human heart.
The Monopoly Man, after throwing up slightly, has his million dollars blow away and it results in a wacky chase scene throughout the depressing streets of seemingly New York City; several people get involved in the chase: Santa Claus, a chimpanzee, Mike Myers, and a senile old woman. Once the monopoly man safely takes his cash back, he quickly changes his clothing into his current attire with a drop of the curtain, and by that point, the movie starts to glitch a little bit, and the monopoly man appears up towards the camera and breaks the fourth wall by shouting "Hold the hell on, I am fixing this camera".
He suddenly purchases a mad amount of hallucinogenic drugs from a female dealer who calls herself Sadie (Megan Fox), and uses them, before long, he endures a crazy and psychedelic trip montage accompanied by the song "E-Pro" by Beck. Giant dice fall from the sky behind him, cracking the board as he runs on it, all the way from Baltic to Park Place, while the police men on the "Go to Jail" space fly after him on Community Chest cards. Flashing back to the present at that point, the police are really chasing the monopoly man as it returns to his high-world, "E-Pro" still playing as he runs through the completely orange jail, freeing the all-white prisoners as he goes; it cuts to a shot of he and the prisoners riding on the B&O Railroad while rainbow colors start to set in, the police still after them, flying their community chest cards.
The train suddenly crashes into the free parking space; the monopoly man hops into a car that is solid silver, that is very similar to the playing piece, and it is revealed that he had hijacked a car in the real world as it keeps flashing back and forth between his high and reality.
Eventually he lands on Boardwalk which has a large red hotel, and he angrily empties his pockets, tossing the money all away and screaming, "THERE!!!! TAKE IT!!!" as he pulls a gun from nowhere and starts to shoot everything in sight, slowly peeling his clothes off in the real world.
The head police officer (Dwayne Johnson) orders the monopoly man to stop firing and suddenly opens fire himself on the monopoly man, seriously injuring him as the police take him down.
One of the police men, as he's shutting the door of the cop car, reaches into his pocket, telling the monopoly man he has something for him as he pulls out a chance card that says "GO TO JAIL". The cop then laughs evilly as the car drives away.
Much later, in jail, the Monopoly man had begun a monopoly selling board games that he had created from the illusions of his high, and suddenly Morgan Freeman begins to narrate: "Often, great things have their start in the oddest of places".
The movie cuts to black and plays the credits, showing it was directed by Michael Bay. "That's odd," I said "Where's the explosio-" and suddenly my TV EXPLODED.
== Reception ==
Since I was the only one who watched it, and I'm coughing up ash and glass and suffering burns from my TV exploding, I give this movie 1 star. This movie doesn't scrape the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't below the bottom of the barrel. This movie doesn't deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence with barrels.
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Category:Stuff Blowing Up
Category:Well, that was anticlimactic.