Like Like

A Like Like is a very large, blob-like creature that resembles either a beehive hairdo or a fingertrap, whatever your kink is. Very little is known about it, except that it will eat just about anything. It's been claimed to have been around since the beginning of time. However, a new study shows, proves, and specifies that this is far from the truth, as described below. This new study also shows that indeed, there has only ever been one true Like Like. No matter how many exist, they are not something you want to run into in a dark alleyway, especially if they're hungry... and they're always hungry.
==Early History==
The Like Like was created by Santa on a day corresponding with June 6, 6666 BC on Earth; however, the Like Like was not created on earth, it was create in the middle of Hyrule. Santa wanted it to be the most fearsome creature ever used to take over a planet. It was a mere one day before it confronted Link (See below). It is said, though no one is alive who remembers, that the Like Like bit his foot off and has been attempting to eat the rest ever since; however, every time, it's only managed to eat Link's shield and shirt. The Like Like has had, ever since that day, an immensely gluttonous appetite for people, shields, and shirts.
==The Like Like as a Defense Mechanism==
No matter what the conceptual continuity of the Legend of Zelda video games tells you, Like Likes are not created by Ganondorf, Vaati, or another miscellaneous villain; they also do not work for anyone, regardless of how much they're paid. The Like Like is a freelance evil blob who just happens to pop up wherever most of Link's other enemies do, because he knows that Link will attempt to slaughter them brutally. This not only gives the Like Like a chance to eat Link, but also to eat the other dead things he kills.
Also, contrary to the conceptual continuity of the video games, there is only one Like Like. It may seem to die (symbolized by it leaving a pile of rupees behind), but it just melts back into the floor to recover, only to give it another try later. There is, at no time, more than one Like Like in existence. The times when there seems as though to be two or more are noted to be the periods where the Like Like is practicing his mad 1337 skillz of illusionism or when Link is high due to kitten huffing or the smoking/ingestion of marijuana. However, another theory exists that these are cheap knock-off Like Likes made by Ganondorf or others.
No images of the Like Like exist. All cameramen who have tried to take a picture of it have been eaten or huffed without mercy. When the LikeLike's natural enemy, Link, finally reincarnated around the time of the Polaroid Camera, the LikeLike was then either buried under vast amounts of water, or was in Hyrule. Link had been in an evil alternate universe where Nayru attempted to betray her fellow Goddess/Goddesses, ( Farore isn't physically attractive enough to be a Woman in Hyrule; All actual women in Hyrule are hot. End of story.) where the cheap, knock-off LikeLikes roam freely, as an amphibious creature, while Link was living out his vacation in Termina, foolishly thinking he actually had a picture of a LikeLike.
===Like Like today===
The Like Like is currently celebrating his 10000th birthday (approximation). In his hunt for Link, he has discovered Ganondorf's cheap knockoff Like Likes. He has been crusading against these monstrosities ever since. He's made it a goal to devour every one of these, as well as Link, before departing to return to Santa's fortress.
Rumor also has it that he's attempting to compete with God for causing the most fatalities ever caused throughout the life of one biological being. God is currently winning, 12,717,118 to 12,008.
==Like Like's Favored Meals==
*Cheap Knockoff Like Likes
*Dogs
*Kittens
*Lindsay Lohan
*Link
*Fred Phelps
*Princess Zelda
*Jack Thompson
*Stubs
*Anything with a dick or a vagina
*Anything without a dick or a vagina
*Your mom
*You
*Whores
*Emos
*Dan "Lava" Kolb
*People who think they're cool
*Vaati
*Ganondorf
*Sephiroth
*Grues
*Elvis impersonators
*A Darth Vader wannabe, or any Darth lord
*Bob Brenly
*Fake teeth
*Tennessee Williams
===Victims===
Official dates are unknown, but these are in chronological order. Discounts random devourings of NPCs at random.
*Jack Thompson
*Ganondorf
*Vaati
*Ultra Jesus
*4chan
*42
*Your mom
*The three cat-like creatures from that terrible animated comedy, Animaniacs, which is three cat huffs in ONE day (the Like Like killed them in 1927, but brought back to life by Tony La Russa.
===What Should I Do if I Run Into the Like Like?===
#If possible, RUN.
#If running is impossible, greet him with a smile and a British accent. Like Like likes the British. A good "Top o' th' mornin' to you, chap" usually calms him enough that you can have a calm and orderly conversation.
#For your sanity, never ask him what his favorite foods are.
#NEVER, EVER SAY THAT HE LOOKS LIKE A HOT STEAMING PILE OF SHIT. DO NOT EVEN JOKE ABOUT IT. I can not stress this enough. If he asks how he looks, tell him he looks like Steve Ballmer.
#Ask him about the economy. He does his part to keep it good, and makes sure to monitor the stock markets every day.
#Ask him out for lunch, if you wish.
#Do not say anything that could offend him. Never crack cannibal or fat kid jokes around him. He happens to be a fan of cannabis-related humor, though.
#If, for any reason, you do offend him, consider yourself dead.
==See Also==
*Santa, the creator of the original Like Like
*Ganondorf, creator of the cheap knock-offs.
*George W. Bush, the Like Like's biological great-uncle.
Category: Crap
Category:Video games
Category: Things that may be out to get you