Uncyclopedia Legal Department/sandbox

Incorrect and malicious spelling with sacrilegious intent
The Uncyclopedia Legal Department has noticed common misconduct ad hoc, de jure, et cetera in this article, and filed evidence of it for further consideration and subsequent stipulation. By the power the Department has unanimously vested in itself, it is now ready to summon the submitter(s) - henceforth referred to as authors - of this article to court to carry full responsibility for their heinous acts or misdeeds. The misdeed in question is directly connected to the accusation that the U.S.A. has scedualed a war. It is, as the authors will need to note, a sacrilege in the United States of America to spell out the word sceduale. The purveyor of this misdeed will be well advised to note that the UnLegal is in dire straits right now, and donations cannot fail to help the position of the miscreant(s) in question. There is a categorical imperative towards setting this matter into its rightful state as soon as possible.
The Uncyclopedia Legal Department has at its disposal a large and well-experienced team of lawyers, who will do everything in their power to ensure the party in need of assistance will receive the best legal assistance possible, and that they receive the largest possible compensation for their injuries. As in this case the injured party is the United States of America and Native America, the fees the Department will demand will exceed any previous fees set in any case the Department has taken to deal with.
Possible courses for action
If the defendant in the case, the authors of the article Al Pieda, so wish, they may offer some financial advances to the Uncyclopedia Legal Department. It is hereby brought to the attention of the defendants that the actual realistic sum must be in excess of a hundred thousand American Dollars to be taken in any legal consideration. The representative of the Department sincerely hopes this comparably meagre sum will not hamper the smooth process of the case in any way. There should be an understanding to all parties that a swift financial transaction will do much to help the defendant in this case.
Also note that it is imperative not to correct the article while the procedure has not been finalised. It is needed as exhibit of guilt.
The Uncyclopedia Legal Department has, by the immense deductive power in its immediate disposal, noticed that the article has a lewd, reasonably underhanded or questionable reference to a certain John D. Lifeless. We have notified the remaining family members of Mr. Lifeless of this, and it is now in their discretion whether to pursue legal action or not.
The author(s) of the article should note that the department is in position to suggest optional courses of action to the estate.
Therefore:
The authors of the article are strongly advised to leave a sizable amount of freshly minted cash, in a brown paper bag, in the large trash can in the corridor of Uncyclopedia Legal Department as soon as possible. This article, and the trash can, will be monitored closely until further notice.
This notification was delivered according to statute 17, paragraph 38: On devices of collecting funds in dire straits.
The Uncyclopedia Legal Department has been closely following the process of this article in the legal sense, and has come to the conclusion that it injures the inalienable rights of the ingenious inhabitants of the Antarctic. This notice is provided to note the authors of the article beforehand that if the said inhabitants so choose, they may begin legal proceedings against the article.
The authors (henceforth referred to as "the authors") may file in their affidavits with the Department (so far referred to as "the Department", or "the Uncyclopedia Legal Department") along with a large brown envelope containing something they think might help their standing in the pending process.
In case of failure in process-initiating phase:
In case the ingenious inhabitants of the Antarctic should fail - for one reason or another - to initiate the legal process concerning their own standing under the injurious linguistic assault aimed at them by the authors, the Department is prepared to initiate the said process. The authors will do well to note this, and bring the envelope in any case.
No complaints will be accepted.
Problematic references to persons not alive, dead or undead.
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To the writers of the article
It has come to the attention of the Uncyclopedia Legal Department that this article refers to persons not alive, dead or undead in such a way as to be non-conformant with the statute 3, §18 of the subchapter 54 (References to persons nonexistent in such a way as to be non-conformant with the statute 3, §18 of the subchapter 54.). The author(s) of the article are now subpoenaed, and are expected to react to this summons in the appropriate way as described in the "Document concerning appropriate reactions to summons in problematic situations, §25".
If the author of the article so wishes, he can file a complaint here.
The Uncyclopedia Legal Department wishes it to be noted that:
in case the defendant of the case (insofar as there is a case in this case) fails to studiously either a) react the way he is expected to or b) fail to react, the Department (henceforth referred to as "them") will be forced to take legal action against them.
Ready to go all the way?
Articles under consideration
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The Uncyclopedia Legal Department wishes it to be known that
the article you were reading prior to clicking the link that opened the document you now are reading - henceforth referred to as "the article" - has been under consideration by the Uncyclopedia Legal Department - henceforth referred to as "the department" in this document - for a reasonable length of time. The authors of the article will do well to note that the department means to keep considerning the article for as long as it seems fit. The department will notify the authors and anyone else linked to the article in any way as soon as the consideration period is over and the need to consider has subsided. Otherwise, the consideration period has no effect on the article, its readers or its authors.
The Uncyclopedia Legal Department would like to point out that it has in its disposal a large array of different legal obstacles it will not hesitate to drop in the way of its adversaries. Consider yourself warned.
Complaints against consideration
The spokesperson(s) for the Uncyclopedia Legal Department would like it to be understood that the department has every reason and legal right to be considering any article it sees as wort considering, and that any legitimate complaint against any such consideration must be filed here.
Complaints against the right to file complaints are not accepted
Declaration of injured rights of imaginary and/or otherwise nonexistent persons
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Case: misconduct, impossible stunts
The Uncyclopedia Legal Department has, by the power it has vested in itself, declared the content of the article Ian Brown questionable due to 1) words, phrases or complete sentences pertaining to misconduct and 2) description of impossible stunts performed by nonexistent persons or entities of unclarified properties. To guard the rights of the said persons and/or entities, the said article is hereby placed under close surveillance, and any attempt at changing the text in the article will result in UnLegal action as defined in the Charter of UnLegal Articles, §28.
The Uncyclopedia Legal Department has at its disposal a large and well-experienced team of lawyers, who will do everything in their power to ensure the party in need of assistance will receive the best legal assistance possible, and that they receive the largest possible compensation for their injuries. The fees of the Department depend on several factors, the main one of which is the willingness and ability of the party in need of assistance to invest in forwarding his case in the proceedings the Department will start on their behalf. The size of compensation the injured party will receive is often directly proportionate to the monetary advances he is prepared to invest in supporting his claims. The Department will also charge a percentage of the compensation. The percentage will not often exceed 90%.
In cases where the injured party is unable to offer advances
There are instances when the injured party is such that he/she/it can not offer any financial advances to the Department or its representatives. In such cases, any fees the Department may be pleased to demand are solely on the responsibility of the guilty party. Failure to pay up according to these demands will result in prison sentences, execution by fellatio, or both.
In other words, the authors of the article had better start coughing up bucks.
Category:Article subpages