Alf.Exe

Uh Hey My name is. well my name was King Richard X. before I continue I should tell you something I was a Big Fan of the 1980s Sitcom Alf it was about some Alien that crashed into the The tanner's Yard and lived with em and got into a lot of trouble sometimes it was a great show I also owned just about every Alf Products I even Had My Peasants build a Giant Alf statue that's ten times the size of The Burj Khalifa sadly I couldn't make it as big as my Giant palace because They're lazy Fucks
So I had to do what any king did I killed em every single one of em not just the men but the women and the children too there like Gen Xers so I treated em like slackers I HATE EM!!!!!.. anyway where was I oh yeah I also had A far off kingdom called the kingdom of Alf Because I was such a big fan. there was even a religion based off him I made by law... but that all changed when I Got this So called Alf.exe tape I mean I'm Still to this day horrified about what was on that tape i mean why the fuck did the creators think that was something appropriate for a family show
what the fuck was up with that fucking tape sigh I should tell you what was on that tape. but be warned about I'm about to tell you well give you nightmares for life.
It all started in the year 9891 AD I went to go visit My favorite Shop called no Fucks given only for it to be closed for the day so I want to my 2nd favorite shop called I'm going insane in the membrane only for it to be closed too so I then just said "FUCK IT" I said in a extremely Offensive Asian accent
Just about when I was about to give up and go back home I saw this old man that was having a Yard sell no one was there so I want to see what he had for sell
"How you do?" The old man said sounding like that Indian chief form the 1950s Disney film Peter pan mind you this dude was white as snow
"Uh Hey" I said in a nervous tone wondering why this dude talks the way he dose
"You like Alf?" He said
"Uhh how did you know?"
"Because your the reason my great grandson is dead" he said in a very angry voice
I was about to cut off his head for talking back to his King in that angry tone but realized I was in a different Kingdom and if I did so I would case a 3rd world War
Yeah that's right it's the year 9891 Ad and there was still no 3rd Wolrd war shocking isn't?
so I just ignored him
"yes I'm a fan of Alf"
The old man gave me a weird look and said
"I Have just the thing for you"
He want into his tent and he came back out with a single tape
"Here it is"
I look at the tape and it look very cheep looking and it had Alf.EXE written like someone was in a rush
"That will be $500"
I was furious
"$500!!!!?? FOR THAT CHEEP LOOKING THING?!"
I yelled so Load that the old man's fake hair came off
"What did you expect? For it to be Free!? Like some kind of creepypasta?!! Oh look I'm a shady looking old man and I'm selling some cheep looking thing for free HeyaHeyaHaya well guess what this is the real world so pay up or you got nothing!!?"
I.l did what I had to do.. I killed him and took everything he was trying to sell for free I was welling to cause WW3 for my Alf I would do anything for My lord and savior 
Once I returned to my palace I went to my Alf Room where I had all my Alf products oh I loved them so much I even had a Alf alter Where I force my people to worship
I put the tape Into my VHS player once I pushed played The first thing that came up was some Ad that had Hilter and Joseph Stalin taken a dump on the U.S.constitution and U.S. Flag, I laugh because well I hate the U.S. ever the U.S. president tried to tell me my obsession with Alf was not healthy. Fuck that asshole 
Once that was over the show started but instead of the normal intro it was some weird Mix of Black metal and Rap that sounded like it was recorded in some shack in the middle of the woods And it said these lyrics.
"YO YO MY NAME IS FUCKING ALF AND I LIKE TO RHYME FUCK CUCK DICK PICK PUSSY TUSSY SAG [redacted]"
I then stoped the tape when I heard that
Last part.
"What the fuck?"
I then push play again.
"WHICH MEANS CIGARETTES IN THE UK I ALSO PRACTICE THE SEVEN DEADLY SINS AND WORSHIPS THE DEVIL AND HAVE NO DANM REGRETS"
I then passed the Tape again I.l...I was horrified ..this is not the family Friendly sitcom show I grow up to love but i then thought maybe this is some joke one of the creators Pulled but accidentally put it on a random tape I then calmed down and push play 
"THIS IS THE ALF SHHHHOOOOOOOOWWWWWWW"
Once that strange Intro was over the show started with Alf Looking up at the Sky what seemed like 5 minutes Wille the father character came in to see how Alf was doing.
"Alf You ok? You been looking up at the sky since Last night"
"I just been thinking" He then passed 
"what dose your wife's pussy taste like I mean I'm sure it taste Good"
This has to be some sick prank I mean I did not just hear what I think I heard.
I thought to myself.
 
My son then comes in to tell me he had a nightmare
"Da da I had a scary dream and had a accident can you change my bed and give me a bath"
I was angry
"HOW MENY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU TO NOT COME IN MY ALF ROOM!!!!!? GET THE HELL OUT OF MY ALF ROOM YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING WASTE OF SPACE!!!!"
My wife then came in to grab me by the Ear and told me to get the hell out she had enough of my bs 
I went mad and sent her to the Guillotine
"Sigh that's the 80th one" I said
"All of em hate Alf including my son"
I did what I had to do I sent my son to a far off land called The U.S. because he's no longer fit to be my hair to the throne
I then found a new woman who to my shock was also a big Alf fan.
I found the perfect wife I didn't care she look like a fat ugly Pig
After the wedding
Me and her went to go finish This so called Alf.EXE
I then push play and it continued where it left off
"Well Alf I think that's not something you should be saying"
Alf looked at Willie his eyes my God his eyes they looked like a black hole 
"Why the hell not I want to taste it I want to drink it I neeeeeeeeed it I want sexy ass wet pussy"
Sigh..... this is not Alf this is something else I mean I can't believe the crap that's coming out of his mouth I mean I know Alf can be off at times but he meant well
He wasn't sick
But that's not All .my new wife was sigh..l Laughing like this was funny!
I looked at her 
"This isn't funny this is not something to laugh about"
She then looked at me still laughing 
"Oh come on this is supposed to be a comedy stop being a sensitive Snowflake"
Ok I know for one that I'm not a sensitive snowflake it's the fact that Alf is supposed to be for the family and it's not supposed to have vulgar Language in it
My wife then Made a load wet Fart
My new wife farted isn't that lovely?
I thought sarcastically 
I then press play yet again
"ALF!!! I don't want to hear you talk about my wife like that ever again!!"
"Aw come on it was just a joke btw when are you going to talk to your son about his dumb Anime addiction?"
"Don't worry I will talk to him at dinner in the meantime I want you to apologize for the way you talked about Kate and I mean right now!"
Alf looked down and made a heavy sigh
"Ok fine I'm sorry Willie"
They both hug as some clam muisc played in the background
Wille then left the room
A few seconds past by and I shit you not Alf look at the camera and what he said next still gives me Nightmares to this very day.
"But what he doesn't know I Used my sperm to impregnate Kate last night"
the audience was heard laughing and some guy Was heard Yelling Fuck The Last Jedi!!.
I was confused I mean how the hell could The last Jedi be in the 1980s I mean it made no fucking sense was this tape made to fuck with my mental health I mean I had a lot of enemies so it wouldn't surprise me but how did they get the voice actors who has been dead for centuries to do theses voice lines is beyond me 
After that disturbing scene it cuts to the family at the dinner table
And I'm not going to lie but I screamed like a girl when I saw what the son character was wearing
sigh...He was wearing The outfit Deku wears you know the character form my hero academia if you haven't seen it then your dumb simple as that
 
My wife looked at me like I was losing my mind you know maybe I was losing my mind Maybe I was going insane
Like that dumb chocolate addicted Ass bird
I'm coo coo for coco puffs coo coo for coco puffs and also woody Woodpecker 
HAHA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HAHAHAHAHAHA 
The family didn't say anything for 10 minutes just silence except for the load annoying smacking my god that smacking I wanted to just kill Someone just to get out my anger I mean I am the king and can do what ever I please right?...right?...
After the 10 minutes of silence and that Horrible smacking was finally over
Willie Looked at his son with disappointment 
"Look son you can't be Going around dress like this and this Anime obsession of yours is not healthy"
The sister character said something that made my skin crawl
"Yeah I don't want a dumb weeb for a brother I would raiter drink diarrhea that has puke and piss in it then have a weeb for a brother"
"This is disgusting I..I about had enough with this tape" just about when I was about to take the tape out my...wife Then stoped me and stripped me to the chair and forced me to watch the rest of it
"Now now my king I thought you where a Alf fan don't tell me I married someone who hates Alf now you know I can't be married to someone who hates Alf because Alf is my everything"
Sigh. so just like that I was force to watch the rest of this scary tape oh boy if only I know how much worse it would get my God the things that I saw is something that no one should ever see it's the type of stuff that you would find off the dark web
"You know something I think your a ugly slut who doesn't understand anime And you know what I don't think I want a sister who think's anime sucks "
After he said that he.....he...he....went super saiyan and Turned his sister into a skeleton with a top had
"Well that shut her up"
Alf said laughing
Then All of a sudden Kate started to cry out in pain holding her tummy
The dictators and producers started to come in to see what was wrong with the acter that played Kate
"SOMETHING IS INSIDE OF ME GET IT OUT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD GET IT OUT!!!"
What happened next was Something so bad that even my wife was getting scared but I know she was faking it how do I know well later on she told me that this was the funniest part to her
You know that scene from the frist Alien film where that Alien comes out of that person tummy well this is what also happened to Kate
But instead of it being the Alien form the alien films it was something much much worse.... What came out was a mini looking version of Alf that looked like a mixed between the regular Alf and a sanke and let me tell you the things that came out of that things mouth well make you sick to your stomach
"Hey what's up Mother fuckers and ugly Shit Heads my name is FLA which is Alf backwards I killed Kate her ass is dead and I also love to lick pusses"
It said in a heavy southern African American accent
It was right she was dead but what's even more fucked up there was no blood it was like she was a waxed dummy even her eyes looked fake
"Bitch Ass Shit pussy"
Fla said Moving through the house like a snake
While the audience was heard laughing like this was something to laugh at
I wasn't laughing because this wasn't funny not at all
 
The ep then stopped and a Ad played
"WOOPER WOOPER WOOPER WOOPER"
"A AD IN A VHS TAPE!!!!?? WHY DOSE EVERYTHING HAVE TO HAVE ADS? AND OUT OF ALL THE ADS IT HAS TO BE THIS AD? I HATE THIS AD I HATE IT I HATE THE GARBAGE ASS SINGING IT MAKES ME WANT TO RIP MY EAR DRUMS OUT"
I then used my nuclear launch codes I had In the left arm rest and used it to Nuke Every Burger King all over the globe but it didn't work
"Where's the Mushroom Cloud ? There was supposed to be a Mushroom Cloud!!!"
I yalled yeah I was Slowly losing my mind
Once the ad was over it went back to the show
It showed the family at Kate's funeral and Alf was there the alien Task Force team was also there even the..acter that played Kate
"You know I always hated this show so I'm glade my character died so one last thing before I leave"
She then stripped naked and started to dance like a stripper
While the song cheery Pie by Warrant played in the background
"She's my cherry pie
Cool drink of water, such a sweet surprise
Tastes so good, makes a grown man cry
Sweet Cherry Pie, yeah"
FLA was also there...... sigh why did that thing have to be there it's just going to make things worse and make a scene
"My lord what a sexy ass body I could have sex with her if she wasn't my mother"
Sigh...really...really?...this is why I hate FLA because the things it says. it aslo has no morals.
"Ohh what the hell I would do anything to hit that body"
The snake Alf character then start to make his way to the Kate acter only for the son to use his powers to kill it
"I HAVE THE POWER OF GOD AND ANMIE ON MY SIDE" he said as he killed that thing
After FLA was killed Kate the character came out of the ground like Ganondorf did when he became Ganon near the end of the legend of Zelda OoT
Even the music it played was playing but instead of the creepy music it was replaced with Jizz yeah Jizz the muisc genre form Star Wars
The Kate acter look mad
"Sigh and here I thought I was done with this stupid Ass show"
She and the character Kate then morth into each other
"I am now one with my acter" Kate said In a creepy accent
It cut to the family back at Home
They were seen watching the Sonic the hedgehog movie the one that came out in 2020 you know the one that they had to change the look of Sonic because of how ugly he was
"Hey Willie what do me and Sonic have in common"
Alf said
"Well you like to get on my nerves and cases trouble so you tell me"
"Well your close but what I was going to say was"
He was then cut off by....Hank hill? in cartoon form too.. Sigh Really Really?.
You know maybe this tape was made to punish me I have done a lot of terrible things like that time I destroyed Paris because a lot of people there hated the Alf I even Destroyed A whole nation because one of their Citizens looked at me the wrong way
Maybe that weird white dude put a curse on it for killing his great grandson 
"I tell you what that sonic the hedgehog sure knows how to run he would make a great Texas Cowboy even better then me"
Miles tails Prower and Sonic then also come in the tanner house...of course they did..
"Thank you Mr hill you rock"
Said sonic sounding like steve urkel
Then the imperial fleet came out of nowhere and it had a giant speaker And Vader started to Rap "YO YO MY NAME IS A DARTH VADER AND IM THE DARK LORD OF THE SITH AND IM HERE TO TELL YOU THAT EARTH BELONGS TO THE EMPIRE AND IF YOU DONT SURRENDER I WILL DESTROY EARTH WITH THE DEATH STAR AND THERES ALSO SOMETHING THAT I SHOULD TELL YOU THE US GOVERNMENT HAS BEEN HIDING SECRETS FORM YOU THE CIA KILLED JFK AND RONALD REAGON IS THE DEVIL"
The whole world was Heard screaming
"Well my job is done" Said Vader sounding like he had a speech impediment all of sudden
Tails then got in a fighting position and yelled
"Nice try but I know you work for the ussr you Danm communist
What now there's fucking politics!?
"You may think I'm a communist but I'm not.......IM AM YOUR FATHER" Vader yelled
"Shut the hell up" Hank yelled
After That brain then looked up at his Dad and said
"You will never take my anime away form me!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
They both got into fighting positions and then...Then.....it turned into a street fighter match it was even 16bit
I..I about had it I had it with this fucking cursed tape!!
I then broke free form my chair and went mad I started to Destroy every thing Alf I had and took my Royal clothes off and became butt ass naked and put on a red suit and put on some green Roman Empire like armor and started to smash the Tv Like a madman and let my Dick hang out as I ran all over the place
 
"I HATE ALF I HATE ALF I HATE IT HATE IT!!!"
I then Went on the table and started to piss all over peoples Food and acted like a wild animal
I then went outside and started to Yell in everyones face
"Alf ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF ALF!!!!!!!"
I then took everyone's belongings and took it back inside And put back on ALF on my broken tv because it was possessed By a entity yes i bought a possessed TV because it brought me good luck that way I didn't have to use up all the power and it broke I could still use it
after I did all of that there was a riot outside the people were telling me to step down form the thrown and let my Son take the thrown
"Ungrateful Brats I gave them everything and they have the nerve to start a revolution?"
I did what I had to do i started WW3 my wife was luckily on my side
I went to my underground bunker where I had a secret underground ground kingdom just incase something happened I made sure only the loyal people was Allowed Down here
The rebels was breaking in to the bunker
The only way for me and my wife to survive was to get extremely expensive plastic surgery and get new names
After all that painful Surgery me and my wife had a new look
We where no longer White But black asthe dark side of the moon as for me I was no longer tall I was now the size of a midget and had no Mouth
We where giving the new names in the paper and was told to not open it until we get to to our new home we also had to go 8000 years in time
We were excited we where going to one day be rulers again
We got inside the Time Machine and awaited our new life's
Sigh something went horribly wrong
We were sent to the past instead
Once we got out of the Time Machine
We where both shocked to see that there was no life there was sand everywhere
It turns out this whole time we where on mars we where never on earth
Our lifes was all a lie our World view was shattered
after 30 years we both opan the paper to see our new names... it said...
Marvin the Martian and Queen Tyr'ahnee
I then looked up at the sky to see Venus only for the Earth to get in the way and let's just say 
it made me very angry very angry indeed
At this point I lost all sanity and it won't be long before I forget my old life
But there's one last thing I should tell you before I go
DONT WATCH ALF.EXE!!
I made that mistake don't repeat the same mistake I did but if there's at least one good thing that came out of this
My wife is now hot I would literally do anything for her I would even risk my own life for her she's my queen
Now I'm going to vist this so called Earth I heard that they just got though a 2nd World war and there still recovering be a shame if someone ruined that for em hmmm (makes a evil laugh)
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Lost Episodes
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Category:WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT
Category:Look at me! I'm SO EDGY!
Category:DIALOGUE!
Category:MOTHER OF FUCK THIS PAGE IS LONG LIKE MY PAINIS
Category:Stupid is as the main character does
Category:English Class Failure