Word crawl/OA Crawl

Remarks from the creator:
You may have seen the word crawls in the Writing Prompts forum; well, here's one that makes all the jokes that you would expect it to. There are three tracks - an easy one for the loveable slugs, a medium track for the "normal" people, and a difficult track for people named Elluna >> so if you're having too hard or too easy of a time, feel free to switch tracks!
You stand at the gate to Beyond 50k, the Great OA Paradise. You take in a breath, the smell of words and caffeine thick and sweet. You can't wait to propel yourself over the 50k line and beyond, and take a few steps forward. And then you see it--a pristine computer with your favorite prompt, just waiting to be used. You can't resist! Start with a 15 minute word war.
*If you write less than 750 words, your word war ends when a slug climbs over your keyboard and hands, smearing you in mucus of productivity. You'll take it, even if it's a bit weird--maybe you can write that into your novel. You decide to adopt the slug as your new pet!
*If you write between 750 and 1500 words, your word war ends when a cultist begins chewing on your keyboard. Aww, it's so cute! You snap a collar around their neck and declare them your new pet.
*If you write over 1500 words, your word war ends when you are distracted by the smell of a pie. You go to have a bite (or maybe just gnaw on it a little), but it hisses and backs away. Since you can't eat it, you decide the pie is your new pet. Why not?
You start your journey into OA-land, but don't get too far before someone shouts at you over the fence. Uh-oh, a wild doubter appeared! This person thinks you can't write that fast, and challenges you to a word war to prove it. You respond that you have nothing to prove, and a moderator shows up with a hammer, chasing after the wild doubter. But you decide to do a word war anyway, because you're contrary like that.
*If your pet is the slug, they trip up the doubter so the moderator can nail the doubter soundly. While they're listening to the moderator's lecture on the "no cheating accusations" rule, write 1500 words.
*If your pet is the cultist, they mistake the doubter for a typewriter, and begin chewing on the doubter's leg. The moderator has to wait for the screams of agony to stop before they can begin their lecture. Write 2500 words.
*If your pet is the pie, they bravely launch themself at the doubter's face. Pied! The moderator has to stop laughing at the classic gag before they can lecture. Write 5000 words.
Now you're well away from the gate and on your way to the heart of OA-land, eager to discover what lies there. The first landmark you see is a small pool of water, and you go that way--your pet looks a little thirsty. To your surprise, a gigantic pufferfish rears out of the water! It gives you a command: "WRITE MOAR."
*If your pet is the slug, they give the pufferfish adorable stalk-puppy eyes. The pufferfish takes pity on you and allows you to leave after you've written to the next 2k milestone. (2000, 4000, 42000, 60000, etc.)
*If your pet is the cultist, they take a long drink from the pond, annoying the pufferfish. It won't let you go until you've written to the next 5k milestone.
*If your pet is the pie, the pufferfish knows exactly what that means. You're stuck here until you've written to the next 10k milestone.
Once the pufferfish allows you to take a break, you continue on your way. Wait, what's this slimy, green trail? Is that... a tentacle monster? Did someone remember to feed the--Oh no, you're caught! Time for a 30 minute word war!
*If your pet is the slug, they counter the green slime with slime of their own. The diluting effect allows you to escape from the tentacle monster if you get 1500 words. If you fail to escape, try again in 35 minutes. If you fail to escape again, try again with 45 minutes. If you still can't escape, it finally lets you go with some sucker marks.
*If your pet is the cultist, you tell them the tentacles are word input devices. While they're gnawing, you have a chance to escape with 2500 words. If you miss, try again with 35 minutes, and if you miss again, 45 minutes. After that, it tires of being gnawed and boots both of you on your way.
*If your pet is the pie, you're in trouble. The tentacle monster loves pie. Distract it with 3500 words. If you can't distract it, try again with 35 minutes, then 45. After that, you can only escape by promising to write it into your novel.
Continuing on, you find a table full of cookies, brownies, and... smells like some sort of sugared drink. OH YEAH! You're totally inspired now! Write until you've hit an amount equal to half your daily goal.
Once you've come off your word high, you settle down for a bit more relaxed pace of writing. As you do so, you start to hear a chant: "ONE OF US! ONE OF US!" Uh-oh, you've wandered into a group of OA cultists, writing madly. They look at you, expecting you to do the same. Time for some more frenzied writing!
*If your pet is the slug, they haven't attracted much of a cultist following. Roll a six-sided die and write that many x1000 words. The cultists are demanding!
*If your pet is the cultist, they're one of them. Your own pet won't let you leave until you've rolled a 10-sided die and written that many x1000 words.
*If your pet is the pie, well, everybody loves pie. Roll a 20-sided die and write that many x1000 words. Oh, and if you roll under 10, roll a second time and add that x1000 to your total needed. It's the only way to save your pie!
Once you're away from the cultists, you think you've finally caught a break, and go back to writing. But then a klaxon catches your attention. You look up, and see the moderator and several other OAs battling a big, meaty monster. Meatspace has reared its ugly head, and now you're caught in the fight against real life distractions! Do a 1 minute word war.
*If your pet is the slug, they slow the meatspace monster with their slime. 40 words will get you away. If you fail, you get ten tries in total before the OAs slay the monster.
*If your pet is the cultist, they join in the battle. 60 words will allow you to escape. You get ten tries before the monster falls.
*If your pet is the pie, the monster starts chasing you. You're going to need 100 words to get away. Ten tries before the OAs stop using you as a decoy and kill it.
After your long journey, you're starting to feel a bit tired. You wish you had a bit of support. Wait, what's this? Your pet has discovered a hidden cache of wrist braces, compression gloves, and fingerless gloves! Finders keepers!
*If your pet is the slug, you take a pair of fingerless gloves and write one scene, using the prompt of comfort.
*If your pet is the cultist, you snag a handy pair of compression gloves and write two scenes with the prompts of pressure and crafting.
*If your pet is the pie, you gratefully slap on a pair of wrist braces and write three scenes with the prompts of support, immobility, and medicine.
Moving on, you discover what appears to be a field full of birds, all chirping at a rapid pace at each other. Wait a minute--they're tweeting! You've discovered the legendary OA Twitter Field!
*If your pet is the slug, you rescue a hashtag bird from their slime: #wrimosfortheeatingofsushi. Write 1k using that prompt, and another 1k using an OA's tweet as a prompt.
*If your pet is the cultist, they deliver #wrimosforthelickingofunicorns to you, looking rather proud of themself. Write 2k using that prompt, and another 2k using an OA's tweet as a prompt.
*If your pet is the pie, they shoot out a line of compote, knocking #wrimosforthemooshingofotherwrimos from the sky. Uh, when did they learn to do that? Write 3k using that prompt, and another 3k using an OA tweet prompt.
At the far end of the Twitter field, you see a group of OAers gathering around a few of the hashtags. What's going on here? Looks like they're doing some kind of event....
*If your pet is the slug, they lead you to the #50kweekend group. Wow, 50k in three days? You sit down with them and do a 20 minute word war to show your support.
*If your pet is the cultist, they make a beeline for #25kdayone. They invite you to a 40 minute word war and you decide to oblige, not to be outdone.
*If your pet is the pie, they've found #50kday. Write 50k in a day You've probably already done that :P, but you join them in a 60 minute word war anyway as encouragement.
Man, all this writing has really gotten you worn out! Your pet leads you to a little rest area, and allows you to rest and catch your breath. Self-care is important and you don't want to hurt yourself! So write this next war using some other method beside your usual (i.e., if you type, now you're writing by hand, using voice dictation software, someone else's hands, etc.)
*If your pet is the slug, write 500 words this way.
*If your pet is the cultist, write 1000 words this way.
*If your pet is the pie, write 2000 words this way.
A shout over the next hill catches your attention. A bunch of OAs in viking hats are charging at their computers with weapons in hand. This is no mere war... this is an OAR! Your pet thinks this typo-turned-inside-joke is hilarious and waits for you to make some Nanoisms of your own. Time to go to OAR!
*If your pet is the slug, they will be satisfied after you've made 10 uncorrected typos or Nanoisms.
*If your pet is the cultist, they lose interest after 20 uncorrected typos or Nanoisms.
*If your pet is the pie, they hold you to a high standard even when making mistakes. They will lose count after 50 uncorrected typos or Nanoisms.
You're now in the thick of OA-land, and you've discovered the clubhouses for the various goals wrimos set. You pay a quick visit to your own goal thread - write 500 words using the prompt of success, because you've totally got this. :) Your pet also wants to do some sightseeing, so you pay another visit to....
*If your pet is the slug, they want to go to the Millionaire's Club. Soaking in the good vibes of the wrimos there, the slug's slime of productivity levels up! You get inspired to write another 2k words' right then and there, and then post a good luck wish for someone in the thread!
*If your pet is the cultist, they want to go to the a six-digit goal thread, to see if any of its own are around there. Write 4k, and then challenge someone in one of the six-digit goal threads to a friendly word war!
*If your pet is the pie, they want to go to the Five Digit Fight Club. They are so inspired by the fighting spirit of the warriors in that thread that they won't leave you alone until you write 6k and a post of encouragement in the Five Digit Fight Club thread.
You must be getting close - there are more OAs than ever. A few of them crowd around, asking if they can be in your novel. And a few of them would apparently like to die there...?
*If your pet is the slug, write until you've killed one OA by name.
*If your pet is the cultist, write until you've killed two OAs by name (in separate ways.)
*If your pet is the pie, write until you've killed three OAs by name (in separate ways.)
You've found the chatroom of the OAs! All the zaniness of the Beyond 50k mentality, but in real time! You waste no time in getting to know everyone, and introduce them to your pet.
*If your pet is the slug, do three word wars of your desired length.
*If your pet is the cultist, do five word wars of your desired length.
*If your pet is the pie, do ten word wars of your desired length.
Finally, you think you've seen most of the sights that OA-land has to offer--and your novel is almost done, too! For a final hurrah, write the amount of your daily goal.