Thompson Coburn

Thompson Coburn LLP is a 600+ employee 300+ attorney corporate law firm located downtown Saint Louis Missouri and other locations like Hell, Hades, Chicago, and even Mordor.
== History ==
Thompson Coburn, LLP was founded in 1996 when Thompson Mitchell and Coborun & Croft merged on April 1st, 1996 to form Thompson Coburn. The lead attorney Jack Thompson decided to blame video games for teenage violence. Citing that Doom lead to the Columbine High School Shootings. While a privately held company it has ties to Casinos (The Mafia), The Democratic Party of the USA (Government Corruption), Big Oil (The Bin Laden Group and Kingdom Holdings, who have cousins like Osama that like to fly planes into buildings), and is good friends with Wall Street and Banks.
Thompson Coburn is founded on a set of ethics that all attorneys must follow: Honesty, only be honest when it means your client will win lawsuits otherwise fake evidence and have witnesses practice how to testify and memorize the words. Loyalty, be loyal to the company unless you can cheat it out of money somehow and can hide it from the other partners. Courtesy, only use courtesy with other partners and treat your employees like shit. Integrity, well to be honest they don't know the meaning of this word, but it looks nice on a plaque.
Thompson Coburn represented AIG, Enron, Bear Stearns, Wang, The Adam's Mark Hotel, and had accounts for Freddy May and Fanny Mac to monitor and handle the mortgages for big banks and government agencies. After making hundreds of millions of dollars trading mortgages on Wall Street for clients, the housing bubble broke and their clients started to suffer. But thanks to the 2008 Bailouts the US economy was saved even if many of their clients got bought out or went out of business or even changed names.
== Controversy ==
In 1998 one of their partners was caught with his hand in a cookie jar for Casinos taking bribes and stealing funds from the firm. The FBI investigated and found corruption in the firm, but everything was blamed on this patsy who had to pay back near $800,000 and was forced to sell one of his dozen mansions to afford it. This has become a tradition at TC passed down from father to son.
From 1997 to 2001 the IT department had a 90% turn around during the Dotcom crash where IT workers were "A dime a dozen" and TC lost a lot of good talent in downsizings and firings and forcing many IT workers to quit. As a result quality went to all time lows, but the firm was able to save a lot on salaries and cutting benefits. TC is a law firm that pushes the US government to raise the cap on H1-B Visa quotas because they claim there is a lack of qualified candidates, mostly IT workers willing to work for minimum wage with at least a master's degree with little to no benefits. Many of their clients are behind this movement. TC decided to adopt a 'good enough' policy in that if the software compiles without an error it is deemed good enough even if it does crash the servers 20 times a day. After all why pay $50K for a developer when $7/hr 12 year olds with little to no experience can do the job? The H1B Visa program is great, they can hire developers with a master's degree for $9/hr and then fire them so they'll be deported to save money, and use this as a sacre tactic to over work them and abuse them.
In 2010 and 2011 TC was behind SOPA and other censorship bills in Congress. TC feels that freedoms and rights only belong to big corporations and not the public, and lobby politicians to censor the Internet. TC also monitors employee Internet access and censors their web browsing experience, but allows partners to do whatever the hell they want to on the Internet. At TC the Internet Monitoring is done by spyware installed from Windows Server scripts and using Active Directory. It slows down the Windows PC but allows managers and partners to watch the user use the PC and can even remote control it. In the TC restrooms the toilet paper is US Constitution themed so everyone gets used to wiping their butts with the US Constitution. Using Astroturfing they have fake user accounts write blogs and edit Wikipedia using shills to promote the censorship and Internet control bills so that one day they will pass. It was found they had edited their own Wikipedia Article boosting the many fake awards they created and fake web sites for advertising for their firm as neutral point of view articles that show what a great law firm they are.
The Firm represented Microsoft and Apple in suing Google, Motorola, Samsung, HP and others claiming their smartphone technology infringes on Apple and Microsoft patents. Somehow WebOS aka PalmOS developed in 1996 is a copy of the Apple iPhone invented in 2005. The Motorola cell phones of the 1980's and 1990's are also rip offs of the 2005 iPhone. Even if Android is based on Java and Linux, developed around 1991, it infringes on iOS developed in 2005 with finger dancing technology. Somehow Apple and Microsoft will find a way to sue Nokia and RIM even if they had smart phones way before Apple and Microsoft.
== Enemies ==
Common Sense, TC wants to rid the world of common sense. By doing so the things their clients do and the laws passed will no longer be questioned. After all the US Constitution was founded on common sense. Well common sense don't pay the bills and allows competition to thrive by being different but better in some way. It has to go to save corporate America from their own incompetence. After all these Whiz Kids in Dotcom incubators cannot take on their clients and cite common sense and the US Constitution. TC plans the US Constipation to replace the US Constitution and are writing it up right now.
Wikipedia and free and open source web sites, because they hate the fact that anyone can edit them and write what they want. Free Speech has to go, they claim, replaced with Corporate Shills who write things they approve of and that support their views and opinions as fact. TC is good at creating fake awards for themselves like Strongbad's list of top ten law firms in the USA where they ranked third, or Jerry Sandusky's Child Friendly law firms where they ranked second. TC is busy making fake advertising web sites to write more awards for them to cite in Wikipedia, even funding Dotcom startups with High School and College dropouts to just take stuff their Technology Services department writes up and copy paste it on their web sites, then cite it on Wikipedia and spam all other web sites.
Law and Order, OMG they just hate that show! They hate CSI, House MD, NCIS, and even Night Court! They want them taken off the air for teaching the public to learn to think for themselves using something called logic and deduction. TC is more into The Jersey Shore and The Sopranos, know what I mean? 
Barack Obama well yes he is a Democrat, but he won't do what they want him to do and make the US Constitution as null and void. After all that support and him being a fellow lawyer they thought they could get a break, but nooooooo he went on his own after he took office. Because Obamacare was passed TC is busy trying to repel it with bribes to the Supreme Court. 
The tax payers and US citizens and OWS and Anonymous, basically these people all have something in common, they want fairness and good paying jobs. That is not going to happen as TC helps control Wall Street and big businesses so they get richer and the rest get poorer. After all $200 million in investments in Wall Street means they want it to pay off, not give in to the people who vote politicians in office. TC wants to pass censorship bills, wiretap without a warrant anyone's phone, cell, or Internet connection, use tax payer money to bail out big businesses for billions, send more jobs overseas to third world nations for pennies on the dollar, bring in more legal and undocumented workers to work for less pay and little to no benefits, and of course use the US military to round up these protestors and throw them in temporary jails called FEMA CAMPS. Not too much to ask, just Corporate Justice, Corporate Rights, Corporate Freedoms, and no justice, freedoms, and rights for the US Citizens!
== See Also ==
* Lawyers
* Greed
* Satan
* Liars
Category:Law firms
Category:Humanities
Category:Internment
Category:Things controlled by Jews