My Ouija board ghost expiriance

Before we begin, i would like to say that i didnt actually know what ouiji boards are actually used for. I mean its a childdres board game, i thought that you sit with someone and both of you take that google maps location icon looking thing and the first person who moves that puck losess. I held that beliefe my whole life. Untill i had a chance to get my very own ouija board. And once i got it in my very own hand s, MY LIFE CHANGED FOREVER!
==Chapter 1:==
HI! My names Notim Portant and i'm your typical 40 year old high school student liveing in my moms basement and playing vidao gems all day. It was all awesom until my mom or whatever came into MY basement and started yelling at me that i "sit on my ass all day playing video games" Like wtf man, i dont go in her room and yell "aaaah you always go to your stupid job or whatever and thats pissing me off, why dont you get a life, mom". Well, whatever, that at least gave me an excuse to explore what was happeing in the real actuall 3d world. What i found was horrorfying. Noting changed! I couldnt believe how i was in my basement this whole time and. Well anyway i was brousing Ebay and found something interesting. It was an ouija boaed. And for only 0. 01 cents !!!! Holy shit i almost pissed my pants, hold on a moment......................... okay im back. I always had a passing interest with the paranormal. And the ouija board had something to do with the paranomral because all the scary ghost videos keep talking about it, and i didn't know what was so scary about it so i tried to google this "luigi board" but i didnt understad what i was looking at. It was some green man wearing a beret and a moustach. I mean i saw a game once where he was hunting a giant mansion. I guess that is what they were talking about. Anyway i bought that fucking shit and since im 40 i actually have some money. All the students are jealous because of that, so you know. I clicked on The BUY button and waited a while and after i finished waiting a truck came next to my house and a mysterious man that i never saw in my life came up to me. He said" Are you Mister Notim Portant?" I was shocked by the mere mention of my name, how did he know my name?My ebay account doesnt use my real name. I say "yes". He said "i have something that you might find interesting" and looked at me with this sinister eyes that shook the bejesus out of me and then he PULLED OUT A MOTHERFUCKING GUN AND STARTED BLASTINGEVERYWHERE LIKE HOLY SHI-nah just kidding he jst gave me the package and left. I, like a regular human being, opened the package and it was that ouija bord. I was like ah hell yeah. But soon i realised something that really disturbed the very esannce of my being. I didnt have any friends to try this thing with me. That shit really bummed me out so i guess i have to try this thing on my own. But first i had to see what i was getting into. i found the rules of the game and the first thing they specifficaly said not to do was to play alone. Well tough shit, rules are ment to be broken after all, and besides who is gonna keep track of the rules anyway. Rules are worthless if they areny inforced, so i said "screw it" and started playing on my own in my basement. Oh how i would regreat that dessicion. Before i began the game i was cautious of it. Even tho i didn't care that i was playing alone, i was still on egde because i didnt know what was going to happen. So just is case the game started punching me in the face, i got my hammer and baseball bat and my glock 17 and my rubber snake next to me. Everything was in place in i was ready to start.
==Chapter 2:==
I sat on my floor with the... thing on the floor too. I took the arrow magnifiing glass thing and just stood-uh i mean, sat there, waiting for something to happen. I dont know why, but i just kept looking at the board, and i noticed the thingy to move a little bit. It took me a while to realise HOLY SHIT THE THING MOVED! But, i soon calmed down, swooshed my hair to the side and said "heh, my hand was just shaking a little, thats all ". Or is it? Well who knows but soon after that, the thingy DID MOVE ON ITS OWN! I nearly jumped from a window to try and fall to my death and escape the horrible thing that just happened, but that, kinda, isnt possible because i live in the basement, remeber ? I just stood in the corner and looked as the thingy moved all over the board at supersonic speed. It was moving in a sort of a patern and going over specific words on the board. It was spelling "Your dead" with the worng ; possesive "your" instead of "you're". That scared me. I tried taking the thingy away from the board, but just then a giant, white transparent hand slapped me across the face. I then knew what to do. I took my hammer and just when i started to swing the shit out of that motherfucking hammer, a white mist came out of the board. I was so shocked and scared i didnt know what i was even looking at because of how shocked i was and also scared. It was a ghost! It looked so scary. the ghost had long black hair, bloody mouth with a carved smile, and super realistic hyper bloody eyes. It looked like a ghost of a dead kid. "Ooooooooh" he said, "Do you want to play a game?" he said again after that. i said "fuck you" and started to swing the hammer again but it flew out of my hand and landed somewhere. "Play the game, asshole!" the ghost said and dissapaired. I was so scared, the only thing that i could do at that point was to continue the danm game. I took the puck thing and i started asking questions. "Who are you and why are you here?" i yelled at the top of my lungs in case that the ghost didnt just leave me when it dissapeared. The thingt moved on its own over the letters "I am a ghost and i will haunt you forever "You have no idea how long it took to spell all that shit, goddamn. I felt nausiaus and almost puked, i mean a ghost is haunting MY basement. I had to put a stop to this. I yelled" Leave me alone, i did nothing to you, you're just jelly because i'm not dead and you are lol". The ghost appeared againg, looking angrier than ever. The ghost said "you made a terribley miskate, this is all you're fault!" I said "what are you talking about?". He said "look at the box, dumass." I looked the box and what i saw terrified me. On the box it says "Free live ghost DLC included". I couldnt belive it. The game came with the ghost packaged in it. "Hahahahahaha" the ghost laughed "Now im gonna be here in your basement FOREVER". I almost started to cry, because if my besement is haunted, then i had to leave it. I can not let that happen, no matter the cost! I grabbed my glock and started blasting the shit out of it. I destroyed some of my very cherished games, but i didnt care. The bullets had no effect on the ghost. "You fool, im a ghost, smelly human. Such attacks cant affect me." The ghost started slowly going towards me. I said "oh fuck". I ran out of my basement and into the living room. My mom wasnt home that day. The ghost came out too and had a knife in his hand. I thought that i was going to die. My mind was racing with a million thoughs thro my head. And then i remebered something. One of the rules of the game. "to win the game, you must kill me, ouija board" I knew what had to be done. The ghost jumped at me and i ran right through him, because its a ghost after all. I ran down the basement and took the baseball bat from the floor. Then out of nowwhere the ghost teleportaled behind me and grabed my neck. "Nothing personal kid, but i have a job to do" I struggled to release myself from the ghost chokehold, and tried to swing the baseball bat behind me, and i was able to phase thro the ghosts hands. "Hah, so you become incorporial as a defence mechanism and only become solid when attacking, which means you can be hurt." The ghost said "it doesnt matter, i cant die, idiot." I looked at the ghost with a smug smirk and one eyebrow raised and said "we will see about that." I started to swing the bat at the ouija boaed. I smashed the board into a million pieces. The ghost yelled "NOOOOOOOOOO" And i laughed at its stupid face as its getting dematerialized. That felt pretty good after all the bullshit i went through. After that i threw the board pieces into the trash and now im trying to sue the company that made the ouija board fot putting a motherfucking ghost in it and causing me material and mental damage. This story that i am writing right now will be used as proof. As of right now, i stopped my house from being permanantly haunted, so its all good. Although, i keep finding some pieces of the board on the floor and sometimes in the middle of the night, at like 3am when im at my peak gaming hours, i hear strange noises in my basement. Who knows what that could be.
Published on October 31, 2021
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Ghoooosts
Category:English Class Failure