American-English Dictionary

:For that other dictionary, see English-American Dictionary.
Welcome, readers, to the exciting windless deserts of the American–English Dictionary. This article is designed as a reference to Englishmen and Englishwomen as they attempt to understand, and be understood by, American-type people. Canadian speakers may find much of this information of use as well. It is the goal of this reference to prevent such embarrassment caused by the misinterpretation of eraser and other such words and phrases. In the tables below, the "usage" section refers to the American usage, of course. 
 
== "S" and "Z" ==
Let's start with the often confusing area of spelling. Many Englishmen are amazed to learn that in the American alphabet, there is a letter known as "Z". In usage, the letter is often replaced by the letter "S" in English. Examples:
English 	American 	Usage
Civilisation	Civilization	There's no such thing as the English 'Civilization'!
Specialise 	Specialize 	Some people heer seem to specialize in allowing people to change American spelling to English.
Organisation	Organization	The Cobra is a ruthless terrorist organization determined to rule the world!
Sit 	Zit 	Watch wheer you zit!
Sip 	Zip 	He slowly zipped his tea
==Zee==
In the American alphabet, the letter "Z" is called "Zee", and Americans often overuse this odd letter, but they're wrong, so there.
English 	American 	Usage
Nissan 300 Z 	Nissan 300 Zee 	In English, the make of this car is pronounced "Nissin". In American, "Nee-Sawn".
Camaro Z28 	Camaro Zee 28 	Although the Camaro is sold in America (because there are rednecks), Canadians tend to use the letter "Zed".
Kawasaki ZX-11 Ninja	Kawasaki Zee X-11 Ninja	"Whose motorcycle is this?" —Winston Churchill
"It's not a motorcycle, it's a crotch-rocket, and it's Zee's crotch-rocket". —Oscar Wilde
"Who is Zee?" —Winston Churchill
"Zee's dead, baby!" —Oscar Wilde
"Zee third reich vill last for a thousand years!" —Adolf Hitler
== The English "R" ==
The Americans are also known for preserving the "R"s in words not requiring one, while removing "R"s from words that are supposed to have them. By doing this the net effect is an equal usage of the letter "R" when compared to English, but a vastly different distribution.
Examples:
English	American	Usage
Arse 	Ass 	I can kick yor ass!
Idea 	Idear* 	I have no idear what you're talking about.
*This is mainly found in Northeastern varieties of American.
== ER and RE ==
A strange phenomenon has been noted when translating English words that end in "RE", often, the American translation will transpose the two last letters.
English	American	Usage
Centre 	Center 	The gooey nougat center
Theatre	Theater 	I'm dating a slutty theater usher, he sneaks me in for fere.
Entree 	Enter 	I'll have some fries with my enter.
Repeat 	Erpeat 	Could you please erpeat that?
Ogre 	Oger 	Sherk is an unsanitary oger!
Acre 	Acer 	One acer of land is pertty big.
== K to Que==
In many instances, English spellling is changed from Que to K, this is mainly due to the American tendency to use chatspeak in everyday conversation. The pronunciation of the word is similar, but the spelling and look of the word is radically different.
Examples:
English 	American	Usage
Cheque 	Check 	My last pay check bonced, I kit!
Barbecue	Barbek 	Fix me some steak on the barbek!
Question	Kstion 	May I ask you a kstion?
Queer 	Ker 	That's a ker painting you've got there.
Queen 	Ken 	Ken is a synonym for Ker.
Quebec 	Kbec 	Kbec is a strange place.
Query 	Kry 	He searched the kry and cried because he found nothing
== "Ou" and "O" (not firewourks) ==
The American language is also noted for the undereruse of the letter U, especially in making the "or" sound. The English always have used "u"; this often results in ending words with "our." This is because Americans are convinced that there is a global U shortage, and think misspelling words will save the planet. 
Examples:
English 	American	Usage
Colour 	Color 	The Color Guard raised the flag.
Flavour 	Flavor 	I like the popular rap artist Flavor Flav.
Honour 	Honor 	I didn't do it, Yor Honor!
Neighbour	Neighbor	Love thy neighbor as thyself. (literal translation: "shoot the bean-eating brown bastards as they come across!")
Humour 	Humor 	Don't waste humour on Americans, they only understand humor.
Horrour 	Whore 	The whore!
Our 	Or 	That isn't yor ball! That's or ball!
Hour 	Hor 	Please hold. Yor wait shold be one hor.
Four 	For 	My kids can cont to for!
Would 	Wold 	I wold help you if I cold
Mourn 	Morn 	Her huzband died, so she's in morning
In the English-speaking colony of Canada, the English "Ou" is pronounced like the double-o in "boot".
== Different Definitions ==
In addition to the unusual alphabet and spelling, the Americans use different definitions for different phrases. 
Examples:
English 	American 	Usage
Lift 	Elevator 	Elevator the baby gently.
Toilet 	Bathroom 	I'm just going to flush the bathroom.
Flat 	Apartment 	Paper is as apartment as Kansas.
Saloon 	Sedan 	I got my haircut at a Beauty Sedan
Rubber 	Eraser 	I have an eraser ball.
Cling-Film*	Condom 	redneck South only
Napkin 	Diaper 	I need a diaper to wipe my mouth.
Bonnet 	Hood 	What a lovely Easter hood!
Boot 	Trunk 	Do you like cowboy trunks?
Lorry 	Truck 	That truck is awfully fun to ride, but kind of a slut.
Chips 	Freedom Fries 	Don't eat paint freedom fries!
Crisps 	Chips 	A nipple chips when stepped on.
Food 	Meat byproducts and remnants	The fat man eats meat byproducts and remnants.
Jam 	Jelly 	I'm in a bit of a jelly here. Can you help me out?"
Jelly 	Jell-O 	Winalot Prime with Meaty Chunks and Marrowbone Jell-O
Vest 	Undershirt 	I think he has an undershirted interest in it.
Tie 	Necktie 	Both runners finished the race simultaneosly—the result was a necktie!
Fag 	Cigarette 	It's just that by acting like you would like sectual intercorse with a person of the same sect, you are coming off as a cigarette!
Sack 	Fire 	I've bought a fire of potatoes
Nursery 	Kindergarten 	I'm going to buy a plant from the kindergarten
Also, some words are used in both English and American, but to different effect:
Word 	American Meaning 	English Meaning
Football 	A game with 100 players to a side and only one kicker 	A game with 11 players to a side and only one allowed to use their hands (hint: Football)
World (insert sport event) 	Series, Event at which only N. Americans are allowed to enter (and definitely not Cuba!). The event must not be shown on television if America doesn't win.	Cup, Event at which the whole world is allowed to enter (including Cuba)
Knock-up 	Impregnate 	Awaken
Willing(as in Coalition of) 	Willing 	Coerced
Bomb 	Liberate 	Invade
Bomb the enemy 	Bomb coallition troops or groups of innocent civilians 	Bomb the enemy
Mission accomplished(as in 1st May 2003)	Mission failed 	Can we go home now? Please?
=="og" and "ogue"==
Sometimes an extra "ue" is removed from words ending in "ogue" in English.
English 	American	Usage
catalogue	catalog 	I found a nice TV in the catalog.
dialogue 	dialog 	The dialog in that horror film is garbage.
rogue 	rog 	The Scarlet Pimpernel is such a rog.
vogue 	vog 	This look is really in vog.
vague 	vag 	Now you mention it, I can vagly remember.
Similarily:
tongue	tong	I burnt my tong on the hot meat byproducts and remnants.
=="um" and "ium"==
Some words in American lack the "i" in words ending in "ium" in English.
English 	American	Usage
aluminium	aluminum	I buy soup in aluminum cans.(Note. English pronunciation of aluminium is 'tin'.)
Calcium 	Calcum 	Milk is full of calcum.
Helium 	Helum 	My voice gets squeaky when I breathe helum.
Sodium 	Sodum 	Lot's wife was turned into a pillar of Sodum.
=="ce" and "se"==
Sometimes the English C will be replaced with a S in American when an E is next to it.
English	American	Usage
defence	defense 	You be the defense on the football team.
offence	offense 	You be the offense on the football team.
cell 	sell 	I might as well throw you in a jail sell.
Mince 	Minse 	I don't minse my words!
=="x" and "ct"==
The "x" variations don't exist in American, so ignore this section if you feel the need to do so.
English 	American 	Usage
example 	ectample 	America is the perfect ectample of a demokracy.
exit 	ectit 	Ectit, stage left!
sex 	sects 	Age/sects/location?
Xylophone	Ctylophone	Can you play the ctylophone?*
Linux 	Linuct 	I can program my own distribution of Linuct!
Sometimes referred to as the Cthulu-phone
=="cks" and "x"==
However, Americans decided not to entirely omit "x", creating the folling irregular plurals:
English	American	Usage
Socks 	Sox 	His sox are a micture of blax, grays and blus.
Locks 	Lox 	She cut her lox very short
Clocks 	Clox 	Clox tell us what time it is
=="oe" and "e"==
Americans tend to forget the o that precedes e in a number of words:
English 	American	Usage
Manoeuvre	Maneuver	That's 3 letters maneuvered out of plase
Diarrhoea	Diarrhea	That large Soth American bird has Diar-rhea
Oedipus 	Edipus 	He has an Edipus complex
Hoe 	He 	Use a he to get rid of weeds in yor garden
Toe 	Te 	Och, I've stubbed my te!
Similarly, the a before an e can also be targeted:
English 	American 	Usage
Haemoglobin	Hemoglobin	I must eat more hemoglobin.
Caesar 	Cesar 	Cesar salad is my favorite meat byproduct and remnants.
Algae 	Alge 	Blu-green alge is a major problem in or lakes.
==Picard-isms==
The French-descended Jean-Luc Picard speaks with a fluent British accent, landing him many jobs as Scrooge, Oliver Twist, and Black Adder. Two words are unique in his vocabulary: privacy and issue
English 	American 	Usage
PRIH-va-see (i = dick) 	PRY-va-see (i = lice) 	My privacy has been violated, you dick!
ISS-you (ss = hissy-fit)	ISH-oo (ss = shit-fit)	Where is my new issue of Bigguns?
An interesting urban legend states that if Picard ever says "Privacy is not the issue" the Enterprise will blow up.
==Extending words==
Since the rise of revolutionary American linguist George W. Bush, American English likes to extend words in order to make them as long as possible. Examples follow:
English 	American 	Usage
Burgle 	Burglarize 	Call the police! I've been burglarized!
Rob 	Robberize 	Help! I've been robberized!
Estimate	Estimation 	I'd estimation it will take 3 weeks
Dignity 	Dignitude 	Our President is a man of dignitude!
Evaluate	Evaluationize 	Did you get a surveyor to evaluationize your house before you were burglarized?
Maximise	Maximumify 	We must fire more workers in order to maximumify our profits.
Elongate	Elongitudinalizeate	An eel is very elongitudinalizeated in shape.
== I say potAYto, you say poTAHto ==
The person who wrote this song was out of their fucking mind. 
== See also==
*Gibberish
*English-American Dictionary
==External links==
*English 2
Category:Language
Category:American culture
Category:Undictionaries