A True Story

This story is so true. I can confirm, because this story is so true. Before summer started, my family found a nice deal on this little summer home someplace hidden in the woods. It was cozy, cheap, super affordable and cheap. We don't know why it cost so little money, but it was probably because I'm foreshadowing. Before we bought the summer house, we asked our realtor if she could allow us a quick rundown, so we could see it in person before buying it for super cheap. You see, as a part-time realtor agent, with a bachelors in Realtor studies, I knew that if a nice summer house was selling for very cheap, it means it must've had a bad reputation, or had its faults. So my parents decided to go down to the property to check it out before summer started, and my younger brother and I had to stay back home for two or three days.
We bid our parents farewell, and wished them luck as they went on their tiny journey to go check out the very cheap, inexpensive, otherwise affordable summer house and to make sure we weren't being cheated. They told me "Paul, you're the older brother so you have to make sure nothing bad happens to this house, while we go check out this very cheap summer house." Things seemed to be going well for the first day. My brother and I came back home, and we played Smash Bro's until night, when he started getting sleepy. My younger brother was around 6, so he still had a curfew at 10 o'clock, and I sent him up to bed, and I turned down the volume so I could play by myself. Half way through one of the classic Zelda games, because I only play classic video games and I really want people to know I just don't play shallow first-person shooters like Call of Duty, and that I'm a very cultured video gamer, and that I only play games like Midnight Zelda and Zelda of Majories Legendz and sometimes really old pokemons like pokemon red and blue, or even pokemon silver. But whatever, I digress.
Well I go for a drink of orange soda, and I look back at the screen to see that it was paused... Which is weird, because I didn't remember pausing my video game. At first, I thought it was my brother trolling me, but then I remembered he wasn't answering me or something. Look, my stories going to be really inconsistent, but I swear to god it's all true. Anyways, I shrug and go back to playing Legend of Link, Majora's Unmasking. Suddenly, my screen pauses again, but no matter what I do, I can't get the game to restart. What the fuck? The screen suddenly filled with blood graphics and gore, because blood and gore is scary. The screen started writing something on the screen.
"Paulie. You should check on your brother."
Thinking my brother is trolling me I shout out to him. "Stop it, it's not funny anymore! :("
Then the screen goes "No, Paulina. I'm super serious. I killed your family!"
And I scream and run up to my brothers bed, but he's not there!
But behind his bed, I see a lumped up figure, like a tiny human, hunched over the floor. Suddenly, it shakes like he's laughing, but he's not making a sound. Then he jumped up on my bed, grabbed my neck and looked me in the eyes and he said.
"I am not a monster. I am you at your worst day. I am your brother on his saddest night. I am the horror that lurks in us all. I am the reason grown men look over their shoulders at night, and I am the reason women lock their doors before going to sleep. I am the terror that grabs your heart when you are alone at home, and I will haunt you until you pray for mercy. But mercy shall not be given."
...
"Who the fuck fucking talks like that? For real... Like, what the fuck do you think this is? You think you're some sort of H.G. Wells motherfucker? You think that's how people talk in real life?"
"What, no. I just thought it'd be really dramatic and cool to do this long monologue an-"
"No. Fuck you. That's not scary. That's not fucking dramatic. If anything, it makes you look like a total fucking douche, and it completely ruins the immersion. I seriously have NO fucking idea why people want to make these long and "deep" monologues in their tiny, 500 word scary stories. It's utterly fucking ridiculous. You know what? Whatever, man. I'm fucking done with this bullshit."
So Jemima and his family all went to their affordable summer house to vacation, and it was very nice and nothing was wrong about it. They had a good time. The end.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Beings
Category:TRUE STORY
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep