The Dress

The Dress. Oh, the Dress. The cursed, terrifying Dress. It haunts me. It follows me everywhere I go. I try to escape it, but it's there. It's always there. Staring at me. Haunting me. This is a true story. You've gotta believe me. Use this story as a warning....
Me and my bud Alex From Target were walking around the mall. We stopped to take swag duckface selfies at the ratchet fountain since it was humpday #TGIF. It was all so perfect. But it all went sour when I saw it. The Dress.
We were deciding between XXPro-II and Valencia for our filter to post on every social media website known to man, except for MySpace bc nobody uses that anymore. I glanced over for just a moment as he was applying tilt shift and saw these chicks. I walked over to them, but was distracted by a dress in the window.
The Dress.
It was a gold and white dress sitting in the window. My friend walked over. "What an ugly color," he said.
"It's not that bad," I replied.
"Blue and black is icky together, come on let's go shampoo our hair," He said.
I stared in shock at the dress. I was frozen in terror. Blue and black? Is that what he said? It was clearly gold and white! I turned around and grabbed an old woman.
"What color is that dress?"
"I'm blind you fricking moron," she replied and slapped me with the cain. I snapped a picture and posted it on my tumblr page, asking for opinions. I popped it into my pocket, still in shock.
The fountain began to squirt out blood instead of water and everyones heads flew off. A sigil appeared in the center of the mall and a gigantic lizard monster came out of the closet, biting off the heads of everyone there. I ran, hiding in my room.
I turned on my computer as I got home, still breathing heavily. My homepage was facebook, because I'm a senior, and my timeline was filled with the Dress. I slammed it shut, shattering the glass and paced around my room. I needed a hot bath.
I drew the bath and filled it with luscious bath bombs and scented candles, and dimmed the lights. I relaxed, free from the stress of that ugly Dress. I drifted into a deep slumber, but was awoken when I drowned just a bit by dozing off.
As I choked for air, I caught sight of the Dress. Hanging there. In the bathroom. I was naked. And it was there.
I screamed for my parents, but somehow knew they had already fallen to the Dress. I jumped out and ran out of the house, down the street, into the park. The children ran screaming as the Dress slid down the slide and appeared, hanging on the swingset. 
Was it black and blue? Was it gold and yellow? WHAT WAS IT?!
"WHAT ARE YOU!?!?!?!" I screamed.
I grabbed it and began to tear it apart, and then set it on fire. No matter the color of the dress, it was black and grey ashes now. 
I went back to my house and clothed myself again. All was well. I slept peacefully.
The next day was school. My science teacher seemed very excited to talk about light and how our eyes react to it. It was interesting. He said he'd show us an example, and pulled up a picture on the monitor.
"This was actually posted by one of our students and went viral instantly," he said. Then the picture popped up.
I stood up and screamed. Everyone stared at me. Especially Emma, the anorexic bookworm I had a wildly innappropriate crush on. She stared especially hard. So hard lazerbeams shot out of her eyes and burned a hole through my soul.
I threw a chair out the window, shattering the glass and impaling Glenn Coco. Blood was everywhere, and I jumped out of the window. The Dress had followed me.
My leg was badly injured, and I blacked out from the fall. I woke up in Seattle Grace-Mercy West Grey-Sloan Memorial Ocean View Presbyterian Whatevertheckitscallednow Hospital. McDreamy stood over me. He reached into his pocket for a pen, but it didn't come so he just went ewlugnvwrtibvjn ewirjv n like he does. He gave me that McDreamy smile.
"You had quite a fall, and you've been having hallucinations, we'll have to operate," he said. "Let me grab something from the on call room. I'll be right back."
But I knew what went on in there. Everything in my body hurt. Africa. The Bird Came From Africa. Yes, the terrible grammar was on purpose. I pressed on. 
"Patient on the loose," Dr. Bailey called out to me as I ran down the hall. "I got rounds tho"
I ran past Lexie crying because McSteamy wasn't so steamy anymore. I ran forrest ran until I fell down the stairs. I was caught by the sexy Izzie Stevens. Dr. Stevens gave me that maternal look. I screamed when I saw her wearing....
The Dress. Not Scrubs. The Dress.
Was she drunk? No, that was Dr. House. 
I pushed her aside and she cried out, screaming something about women's rights like in episode 4, and I went across the parking lot. I hot wired an ambulance and began to drive away. But I wasn't alone.
Edward Cullen was in the back. "Bella??"
"No." I said.
He started crying and making some emo reference.
"You were better as Cedric!" I cried.
"This always happens, you always judge me because I don't match societies definition of perfect. I'm a fricking vampire mom-it's not a phase it's WHO I AM" He screamed.
I lost control of the vehicle and drove off of a bridge because something flew onto the windshield. You guessed it. A dress. The Dress.
Thankfully, the ambulance floated and I managed to safely make it onto dry land. I found myself in a cabin in the woods. That's where I am, typing this.
The Dress. It's a blip in the system, and anomoly. A freak of nature. It should never have existed in the first place. Some say it was created by Castiel and Time Lords to torment all the fangirls for making yaoi fanfiction of them. Others say it was aliens punishing the white girls for polluting the atmosphere with ugg boots and starbucks. Still, some, the tumblr emo posers, believe it was a gift sent from above to guide the world into a new era-Kira. I imagine it being created in a laboratory one day by a disgruntled scientist who was also a Tails Doll worshiper. A freak of nature. An anomolgy, and a blip in the system. The Dress.
What is it? Gold and white? Blue and black? And why? Why does it do that? Why are we so infatuated by the beautiful yet ugly, unnatural thing that shouldn't even exist? Why won't people shut the heck up about it?
I pace back and forth. Please. If you come in contact with the Dress, get away as fast as possible. It ruined my life in every way. The only way to escape it is isolation. 
I'm going to take a shower now. Lost in my own thoughts and to simply sit here and rot in my own filthy mind. I dont' evne hvae intrnet ni tihs palce. 
Guess what the shower curtain is? *screams*
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