Five Dumbass Nights

Mike Schmidt walked into the office on a day like any other. He had just finished his week there and was ready to get paid. As he walked into the boss' office, he was horrified. The icky cluster of hair and slime almost made him puke but he never had the chance. Donald Trump swivelled around in his chair, holding a shotgun and muttered the last words Mike ever heard... "YOU'RE FIRED!" before spraying his hyperrealistic frontal lobe all over a white termination memo turning it pink.
OC woke up from his dream with a bang. He was really drowsy, really high and he had the sudden urge to work the graveyard shift at a dangerous job for an entire week plus overtime. He dismissed the suicidal urge as being a natural effect of all the edginess in the last paragraph but then he remembered something that caught his interest, "Wait, they pay 120$ a week. I could publish my fan fiction with that much money." OC was filled with joy and set out for Freddy Fazbear's Pizza destroying 3 expensive cars and burning all the money in a bank. He reached Freddy's and opened the door only to be trampled by a horde of kids running after some guy in a yellow bear costume except OC thought it looked more like a puma. "Annoying kids, I almost want to call the police you," OC muttered foreshadowing-ly before he sat down in the office, signed load of terms and conditions without reading them and set up the cameras.
"Bong, bong, bong..." The clock chimed as OC's shift officially started. "Well, this might not be so ba- I'm bored," he said before his 6 second attention span ran out and he decided to surf the web. He brought up the web browser and was greeted by the freddyfazbear.com, the very bane of his existence. "That's enough internet for today," he said as he mopped up the cancer and carefully hid the manga in a secret place for later use ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°).
Suddenly, the camera started to flicker and one of the animatronics disappeared off stage, it was the bear. It could also been the version known as the goldie, shadow, normal, temporary suit, bully, fredbear, toy, adventure, plushie, spring, phantom, fuckbear, eyeless death screen, hoax, grey fredbear, atari, fan character or nightmare. OC decided that he would refer to it as "the bear" after his nose started to bleed from all the theorizing. He grabbed his flashlight and began searching the building. He was just about to turn around when a faint voice said...
"Ha ha ha."
OC's flashlight died and he was surrounded by blackness for what seem to be an eternity until two yellow eyes began to pierce the darkness from a crack in a curtain. The curtain suddenly flew open revealing the silhouette of a fox. OC tiptoed to the curtain and in a swift movement pulled the curtain back over the fox and ran for his life. Then he heard a sound behind him...
"YOU SON OF A BITCH."
The fox was fucking pissed and charged after OC. OC looked behind him and saw the fox was right behind him but as he turned back he was greeted by the worst thing that could have appeared to him.
"Ha ha ha."
The laughing menace revealed himself, blocking the path of OC. He was just about to collide with them when the fox jumped over OC's head and yelled...
"I AM A FUCKING GOOD GUY!"
The fox stabbed him and he underwent a strange and horrifying transformation. He started crying an ocean, a goddamn fish came out, then he started bleeding gray food dye and turned into an albino midget. The fox suddenly jumped at OC and yelled...
"FREEDOM!"
Shit, shit, fuck, shit, profanity, edginess, fuck. OC's hand brushed over the flashlight and it sputtered to life. In a moment of confusion, he threw his arm up and fired a circular pinhole of light into the fox's eyes. Then the fox froze in midair and after a few seconds, freaked out and hurled himself out the window. He plummeted past many identical pizzerias, except they looked like bad atari graphics, before landing on the spooky scary spikes below.
6 AM ringed throughout the pizzeria and OC was almost ready to quit but he stopped himself when he realized that he had some mysteries to solve: What is this pizzeria hiding? What are those identical dimension warping atari pizzerias? Where is the bear? What is with all the crazy clone versions of characters? Why did that guy become an albino midget instead of dying? Finally and most importantly, WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST READ?
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Memes
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep