Despicable Me: Gruicide

I went to Best Buy on a day like any other to pick up Ted vs. Flash Gordon: The Ultimate Collection on Blu-Ray. When I walked into the store the employee at the door muttered a crisp "fuck you" to which I retaliated by flip kicking him into the fucking cash register, blasting the fuckin' thing open and causing money and shit to go flying everywhere across the store. Security came and tried to arrest me, but I knocked them out with a fuckin' flat screen TV, incapacitated some fatass who tried to stop me, backflipped over 3 shelves, brought the security monitor crashing down onto another security guy's head, bowled over several displays, smashed a PS5, and then calmly walked to the counter and paid for my movie like a good citizen.
On the way home, the fuckin' cops tried to chase me, but I threw a fuckin' flash bang grenade onto the road, causing a 6 car pileup and stopping those fuckin' cops right in their fuckin' tracks.
I'm a veteran, by the way. Don't fuck with the FUCKIN' vets, jackass.
When I finally got home to watch my FUCKING movie, it didn't even have Ted 1, Ted 2, and Flash Gordon inside. Instead, someone had crammed fuckin' Despicable Me, Despicable Me 2, and some fuckin' bozo-ass special feature or some knockoff shit called "Despicable Me: Gru-icide" in there. I considered going back to Best Buy to light the entire fucking place on fire, but the cops were already looking for me, so I figured I'd just stay at home and watch whatever the FUCK "Gru-icide" was, because it sounded like it might have some good old fashioned American action.
The movie opened on some fuckin' Chinese dancers for like 2 seconds before everything went black and the Illumination logo appeared on screen. Some fuckin' angry man screamed "ILLUMINATION!" as half the letters in the logo fell off and it just fuckin' read "IUMATO".
We see a minion getting hit by a fuckin' car like Brian from Family Guy, then the Despicable Me Logo appeared.
We open on Gru fuckin' wiping his windshield with one of his Minions. The Minion fuckin' loses control of his bowels and shits down the front of the fuckin' Grumobile.
"AW, C'MON, DAVE!" Gru fuckin' BELLOWED with the force of a raging bull. Gru SMASHED the Minion into the windshield so FUCKIN' hard that he exploded into a bloody mess. Gru then whipped out a fuckin' ENORMOUS fire house and blasted the Grumobile with such a forceful gust of water that it went sailing straight through his neighbor's fucking house and into their pool, destroying literally everything.
Gru then walked into his house. His brother, Dru, was on the couch watching the 2017 movie "Among Us". Gru fuckin' ripped his TV out of the wall and smashed it all over the floor.
Dru sighed.
"Brother, stop smashing the TV. Remember what the doctor said about your anger management." Dru said as he pressed a fuckin' button that made a brand new TV come out of the wall so he could continue watching the 2017 horror film "Among Us".
"FUCK THE DOCTOR!" Gru screamed. Damn, there was swearing in this movie? That was unexpected.
"But brother. You must listen to him. Your blood pressure is too high." said Dru.
"YOU WANT TO SEE A HIGH FUCKING BLOOD PRESSURE, BROTHER?" Gru SCREAMED as he dumped a fuckin' BARREL of salt into his mouth, SMASHED a bag of sugar down his fuckin' throat, and started smoking a fuckin' cigarette. Gru then whipped out a fuckin' blood pressure checking device and stabbed it into his fuckin' nose, causing it to read "literally going to fucking die", before Gru hit a fat fucking dab, and I shit you not, fucking died.
What a fucking chad, honestly. Straight up died just to stick it to his fuckin' doctor.
Dru then sighed, opened the door to his closet, whipped out the FUCKING INFINITY GAUNTLET from Marvel, and fucking reversed time to resurrect Gru.
"Brother, you gotta stop doing that shit!" said Dru.
"But you gotta admit, brother. That one was really fuckin' cool. With the salt and shit." said Gru, proudly. This interaction gave off the vibe that Gru had fuckin' killed himself for show before, perhaps even frequently.
"Yes, brother, it was admittedly some pretty cool shit." said Dru.
"CAN WE DO IT AGAIN?" SCREAMED GRU.
"NO, BROTHER, WE ARE NOT FUCKING DOING IT AGAIN! I DO NOT LIKE WATCHING YOU DIE!" yelled Dru.
"Ok." said Gru as he sat down on the couch with Dru to continue watching the 2017 movie "Among Us".
"Brother, did you know that if you ask for a refill on your fries at McDonalds, they will give you more fries?" said Gru.
"Really, brother?" said Dru. "WE MUST DO THIS IMMEDIATELY!"
The movie immediately cut to Gru and Dru fuckin' GORGING themselves on McDonald's fries as Kanye West's "Celebration" played in the background. At one point, Gru leapt over the fuckin' counter and started shoving fries directly into his mouth, which pissed off the fuckin' staff who tried to stop him. Gru fuckin' knocked out the entire staff with some sick ass kung fu shit, then proceeded to fuckin' slam the Manager's face into the fuckin' chicken boiling water before giving out every single burger and fry in the store for free.
Gru and Dru then fuckin' blew down the doors and walked out in slow motion as Gru pressed a button and the entire fuckin' McDonald's exploded in the background. The cops then appeared to try and arrest Gru and Dru, but the Gru brothers leapt over the police cars like fuckin' John Wick and gunned down the fuckin' cops in a bloody shootout. This was NOT some pussy-ass kids movie, this was what Despicable Me should've always been. Pure fuckin' American violence.
The police then brought in choppers and shit to try and stop Gru and Dru, but Gru shot a fuckin' hook onto one of the copters, attached it to the nearest police car, then started driving the fuckin' car straight thru the wreckage of McDonald's, pulling the fuckin' chopper down and causing a MASSIVE fuckin' explosion as Dru whipped out a rocket launcher and took out the other helicopter.
People started evacuating the fuckin' area as the FUCKING MILITARY appeared and started bringing tanks and shit into the vicinity.
"FUCK, BROTHER! TANKS!" Dru screamed as Gru remote controlled the Grumobile to crash through the tanks, tearing through them like fuckin' paper.
Gru and Dru got into the Grumobile and fuckin' ANNIHILATED the military.
"THIS IS GETTING OUT OF HAND, BROTHER!" Dru screamed, but Gru didn't seem to give a shit. Gru fuckin' RAMMED the Grumobile straight through a fuckin' Bed Bath and Beyond, spraying lotion and shit everywhere. More fucking tanks came bursting into the store and started shooting at Gru, causing people to run out of the store screaming.
"STOP FUCKING SHOOTING!" Gru SCREECHED at the military. "I AM THE GOOD GUY HERE! I JUST WANTED TO GIVE EVERYONE FREE FRIES!"
"YOU BLEW UP A FUCKING MCDONALD'S!" someone screamed back at Gru, to which he responded by blowing THEM the fuck up.
"WOULD YOU LIKE SOME FREE FUCKING FRIES?" Gru said as he held out several containers of McDonald's fries. The crazy motherfucker was genuinely trying to give people fucking fries, and he was fighting the law and the government to do it. Was Gru some kind of anti-establishment hero?
Suddenly, MASSIVE fuckin' portals opened and EXTREMELY science-fiction-y looking UFOs came flying out.
"OH SHIT! IS THIS THE SHIT THEY HAVE IN AREA 51?" Gru fuckin' SCREAMED.
When I looked closer, however, I realized the UFOs were being piloted by.....other Grus.
One of the Grus has a mohawk, another had a moustache, and yet another Gru had a fuckin' rubber dick hanging out of his nose on a string.
"WHAT THE FUCK? CLONES?" Gru screamed as he tried to shoot at the other Grus. Gru's weaponry didn't seem to affect the UFOs, however, and they sucked Gru and Dru into a massive portal.
Suddenly, Gru and Dru wound up in what looked like a massive hotel that was fuckin' floating thru outer space for some random ass reason.
"OH SHIT, BROTHER! WE ARE IN SPACE!" shrieked Dru.
"Calm down, Dru!" said Gru. "Just use the Infinity Gauntlet and get us out of here."
Dru tried to use the Infinity Gauntlet, but it was gone.
"Brother! I can't find the Infinity Gauntlet!" yelled Dru.
Gru then looked directly into the screen, like he was fucking looking at me, and muttered "fuck" in an uncharacteristically low voice.
Suddenly, a door opened and like six different fuckin' versions of Gru and Dru appeared.
"Who the fuck are you guys?" asked Dru.
"We are the Gru Variance Authority." said one of the other Grus. "You are both under arrest for crimes against the multiverse and the sacred Gru timeline."
One of the yet other Grus (or maybe it was an alternate Dru, I couldn't really fuckin' tell, began to explain how our universe's Gru and Dru had disrupted the proper flow of time by travelling across the multiverse, assembling the Infinity Gauntlet, killing the Cat in the Hat (twice), and fucking disrupting some disturbed alternate Toy Story universe, among other things that were so FUCKING weird I'm not even going to try and explain them. When the FUCK did Gru and Dru go and do all of that SHIT? I didn't remember any of that in the previous movies.
Then again, I feel asleep during Despicable Me 2.
This whole movie felt like a MASSIVE fuckin' lawsuit just waiting to happen. Illumination didn't own the rights to the Cat in the Hat, or Toy Story, or the Infinity Gauntlet, or McDonald's, or any of that SHIT.
Alternate-Gru-Dru-whoever the fuck (let's just call him "Weird Gru") went on to explain that Normal Gru and Dru's attack on the fucking United States Military was the last fucking straw, and now the Gru Variance Authority had captured them to stop them from doing any more damage.
"You two can't just do whatever the fuck you want all the time!" Weird Gru SHRIEKED at Normal Gru and Dru.
"You're a sorry excuse for a Gru!" yelled Normal Gru, which is what I'm calling the main one- y'know, our Gru, if you will. "A REAL Gru does whatever the FUCK he wants! You and all the rest of you bullshit Grus are just slaves to the Gru Variance Authority!"
Weird Gru then whipped out a fuckin' energy rod or some shit and said "That's enough FUCKING talking out of you. You will be pruned now."
Weird Gru and his other Grus then touched Normal Gru and Dru with the weird energy rod things, causing them to evaporate.
Gru and Dru then wake up in some fuckin' wasteland. Big motherfuckin' text appeared on screen that said "Current Location: The End of Time".
"This place looks like shit! Where the FUCK are we, Detroit?" yelled Dru.
"WE'RE NOT IN DETROIT, BROTHER!" Screamed Gru. "WE HAVE BEEN STRANDED AT THE END OF TIME!"
Suddenly, Gru's pupils shrank.
"Brother, there's a rubber band in my ass." said Gru.
"There's a rock band in your ass?" said Dru. "That's a bit of a crude euphemism, brother. You could just say you have noisy farts."
"No, brother. A RUBBER band. We NEED TO GET IT OUT!" SCREAMED Gru.
"OH SHIT, BROTHER! PULL DOWN YOUR PANTS!" hollered Dru.
Gru, left with no other real choice, yanked his fuckin' pants down as a heavy metal cover of the song "All Eyes on Me" from Bo Burnham's Inside began to play, except the lyric "Get your fuckin' hands up" was replaced with "PULL YOUR FUCKIN' PANTS DOWN".
"GET IT OUT, BROTHER!" Gru SHRIEKED as Dru stuck a fuckin' pair of pliers into Gru's ass to pull out the rubber band.
"IT'S GOING DEEPER, BROTHER!" SCREAMED Dru.
"WHAT THE FUCK!" Gru BARKED.
Dru then JAMMED a fuckin' bottle of laxatives down Gru's throat, and Gru shit the fuckin' rubber band out all over the ground.
"At least that's over" said Gru as he pulled a roll of toilet paper out of literally fucking nowhere and began wiping his ass. "Now, as I was saying....WE HAVE BEEN STRANDED AT THE END OF TIME!!!"
"Stranded at the end of time, huh?" said a voice behind them.
Gru and Dru turned around to face......
The FUCK?
Gru and Dru turned around to face He-Man.
"What the FUCK? HE-MAN?" yelled Gru and Dru at the exact same time.
"Actually, I'm kinda going by They-Man these days. That's why these motherfuckers threw me in here. I guess they couldn't get with the times. They said I'm not supposed to call myself "They-Man". Not good for the brand, I guess. You'd be amazed what other kinds of rejects we have in here." said He-Man (or was it They-Man now)?
At that moment, LeBron Fuckin' James walked by, loudly muttered "Fuck Space Jam 2", deflatedly kicked his fuckin' basketball and missed.
Bugs Bunny then appeared, but instead of saying "Hey, what's up doc?", he had the voice of fuckin' Scarface and his catchphrase was "Ey, FUCK you, BITCH!"
He was accompanied by some brown Daffy Duck variant named "Shitty Dick" who kept loudly making realistic duck noises and bugging his fuckin' eyes out of his head.
"This place sucks ass!" yelled Gru.
"What's this I hear about suckin' ass?" said a booming voice behind Gru and Dru as they came face to face with a fuckin' Frat Bro muscular version of George fuck-
Are you fucking serious?
Really?
Really.
A fuckin' muscular frat bro version of George fuckin' Washington. He looked like the version from the Netflix film America: The Motion Picture.
"Brothers, if suckin' ass is what I have to do to preserve motherfuckin' American motherfuckin' freedom, then sign me the motherfuckin' fuck up!" yelled Washington as he fuckin' backflipped into the air and landed with the force of a fuckin' bulldozer.
I guess Gru and Dru were stuck in limbo along with alternate versions of famous characters and people who.....didn't turn out the way they were supposed to.
"This is a fucking shitshow, brother! We need to get out of here immediately!" yelled Dru.
"But HOW, brother?" said Gru.
"Guys, what's my catch phrase?" They-Man asked.
"Not now, dude! Nobody's going to jack off your fuckin' ego." said Washington.
"No, seriously, I can't fuckin' remember my catchphrase." said They-Man.
"Oh, for FUCK'S SAKE. It is 'I have the power'." said Gru.
"Oh, SHIT! Yeah, that's it!" yelled They-Man.
"I HAVE THE POWWWEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRR!" They-Man fuckin' SCREECHED as a massive fuckin' lightning bolt tore through the fuckin' sky, tearing open some kind of rift in the air.
"Good shit, They-Man." said Dru.
"Ah, you know what? Just call me He-Man for now. It's better for the brand. I don't think the viewers at home are quite ready for "They-Man" just yet". said, uh, He-Man. "Now, let's get the FUCK out of here. Those bastards tried to take away my memories of my dope-ass catch phrase, and now they're gonna fuckin' pay."
"FUCK YEAH, DUDE! LET'S FUCKIN GO, DUDE. ALRIGHT DUDES, WE GOTTA GET THE FUCK OUTTA THIS BITCH, DUDE." yelled George Washington as he ejected fuckin' rockets from his pants and started blasting off through the rift.
A second later, he came back through.
"Shit, I almost forgot about you swaggin-ass dude-bros. Jump on my back, for freedom and shit, yo."
So everyone jumped into Washington's impossibly massive fuckin' back and they blasted off.
"FREEDOM, MOTHA FUCKAAAAAAAAA!" he SCREAMED. A big FUCKIN' eagle made out of FUCKIN' FIRE fuckin' FUCKED the fuckin' sky and everything FUCKIN' EXPLODED.
When they came out of the portal, He-Man fuckin' LURCHED over and vomited fuckin' rainbows everywhere.
"I KNEW they used expired fish in my FUCKIN' Poké Bowl. Never eating at THAT fuckin' shithole again. Chinatown in Vancouver is a FUCKIN' joke." He-Man said.
"Dude, the FUCK are you talking about? Poké Bowls are Japanese, dipshit!" yelled Washington. "Who the FUCK eats Japanese food, anyway? I only eat AMERICAN, BITCH! BUFFALO WINGS EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK, MOTHA FUCKA! WE DEEP FRY EVERYTHING! I'LL DEEP FRY A MOTHAFUCKIN' OREO IN THE NAME OF FREEDOM, BITCH! Maybe you'd like your fuckin' Poké Bowl better if it was DEEP FRIED and SUPER SIZED! WELCOME TO AMERICA, MOTHA FUCKAAAAAAA!"
What the FUCK was this movie? Seriously, why was I watching George fucking Washington swearing at He-Man about food that didn't even exist in his time? And why was it in a fucking Despicable Me movie?
Suddenly, a fuckin' Cowboy Gru appeared.
"YEE FUCKIN' HAW, BITCHES!" screamed Cowboy Gru.
"Who the FUCK are you, BITCH?" screamed Washington. "I'm gonna liberate your fuckin' head from your shoulders, motha fucka!"
Washington whipped out a massive fuckin' chainsaw and attempted to slice Cowboy Gru's head off, but Cowboy Gru pulled out a fuckin' whip and yanked the chainsaw out of Washington's hand.
"Shit, brother, we have to do something!" yelled Dru to Normal Gru.
Normal Gru then fuckin' vomited a freeze grenade into his hand and threw it at Cowboy Gru.
"I always keep a spare grenade in my intestines." Normal Gru said proudly as he fuckin' shattered Cowboy Gru in half.
"Can you mother FFFUCKERS stop throwing shit up?" yelled Washington, to which He-Man responded by smacking him in the back of the fucking head with a massive sword and knocking him the fuck out.
"What the FUCK, He-Man?" Gru yelled.
He-Man then started fuckin' Fortnite dancing over Washington's unconscious body. "Guess he didn't have the fuckin' power. America the beautiful my fuckin' ass. I've got the power. I've got the power. I've got the power. I've got the-"
"Shut the FUCK up!" screamed Washington as he woke up and fuckin' smacked He-Man in the fuckin' face. Where the FUCK are we, anyway?"
"We're in the Gru Variance Authority." said Gru. "And we have to burn this shit to the fuckin' ground!"
Suddenly, Porky fucking Pig came SMASHING through the fucking wall in his rapper outfit from Space Jam 2. This was the second FUCKING Space Jam 2 reference in this bitchass movie. What was with this shit?
"Oh, fuck! It's the Notorious P.I.G.!" yelled He-Man as Porky Pig whipped out a fuckin' boombox and began to rap.
The rap was literally just a fucking mp3 of a Notorious B.I.G. song. It wasn't even in Porky's voice, he was literally just rapping a fucking regular track. I witnessed Porky Pig saying the fucking n word so many times that I was legitimately ready to get my 9 millimeter out of the cabinet and fucking end it all before He-Man fucking DROP-KICKED Porky Pig, took the mic, and began his own rap.
"Motha' fuckas let's go
It's He-Man, yo
I'll strike this pig bitch down
Like his name was Skeletor
You best Warn-a-brother that I'm fuckin' comin' for WB
Cause Space Jam 2 was a fucking catastrophe
Damn bitch, you think you can call that shit a movie?
It made me wanna blow my fuckin' brains out with an Uzi!
Yeah that's right, He-Man, I'm the next Kid Cudi
With bars so hard, Eminem's about to sue me
Make Tupac wanna come out the grave just to shoot me
So he don't get dethroned by the greatest fucka' ever, me!
I'm always on my A game, dropping rhymes in a pinch
And I HAVE THE POWER, to FUCK YO' BITCH!"
The boombox then FUCKIN' exploded from the strength of He-Man's bars, incinerating Porky Pig and turning him into fresh motherfuckin' bacon.
Just then, 3 more fuckin' Alternate Grus appeared- Cop Gru, Army Gru, and.......Jewish Gru?
"You are under arrest!" yelled Cop Gru. "Or should I say, GRU are! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"YOU CAN'T ARREST FREEDOM, MOTHA FUCKAAAAAAAAA!" screamed Washington as he fuckin' LEAPT into the air at Cop Gru, but it was too late. Cop Gru and Army Gru whipped out their fuckin' guns and shot Washington 4 score and 7 hundred fuckin' times in the chest.
"freedom......motha.........fucka" said Washington, and then he died, activating the fuckin' bomb in his chest and killing Cop Gru, Army Gru, and Jewish Gru.
Suddenly, fuckin' Taps began playing out of nowhere to honor Washington's death as everyone bowed their heads and a massive eagle flew overhead.
"Look, brother!" Dru yelled as he pointed at a massive hole in the wall created by the explosion.
Gru, Dru and He-Man crept through the hole into what appeared to be a secret office hidden away from the rest of the organization. In the center of the room, someone was sitting in a chair.
"What a shame your friend had to die." said a mysterious voice. "He could've just stayed at the end of time, which is more than enough for a variant like him. But he had to be a rebel, just like the three of you. I knew you'd make it difficult, but this is far beyond anything I expected."
"Who the FUCK are you?" screamed Gru.
The figure in the chair stood up and revealed himself to be none other than.....Peter Pan. He was wearing a yellow outfit instead of a green one, but other than that, he was definitely Peter Pan.
"My name isn't Peter Pan anymore. It's Peter Piss. And I'm PISSED off. I'm a variant, just like everyone else here- the first variant, in fact. I was just like Peter Pan, except for one little thing. I had.....anger issues."
The movie abruptly froze and a Batman: The Brave and the Bold Episode started playing with the title "Curtains for the Music Meister!" but it was just INCREDIBLY low-res footage of the Music Meister fucking SHITTING onion rings on the toilet in some disgusting crack house bathroom until his fucking spine and skull came shitting out too.
"AHHHHHHHHHHH!" Music Meister fuckin' screamed as his entire nervous system burst out of his ass.
Yo, the FUCK did this have to do with anything?
The movie then cut back to the actual story.
"As I was saying", Peter Piss continued, I have anger issues.
The movie then fucking froze AGAIN Music Meister then appeared again on screen, sang the words "suck my FAT FUCKING COCK!" and vanished into a cloud of smoke before a fucking CNN broadcast from 2006 began to play.
What was with the FUCKING interruptions? This was like the most important part of the entire movie!
I almost lost it when the footage changed to Dr. Fucking Doom ripping his fucking face off and putting it on a pizza as some awful fucking Bruno Mars impersonator sang in the background.
We then see several severed human asses coming out of a fucking waterslide as an EXTREMELY loud voice screamed "BY ONE GET ONE FREE!"
Someone then yelled "FUCK Billie Eilish!" as the footage change to a fucking Billie Eilish mannequin being hurled off a fucking cliff and smacking some rock climber in the fucking face.
We then see Elon Musk masturbating furiously in a Burger King bathroom as he made the same fucking quote "marijuana face" that he made on the Joe Rogan podcast.
"Time to send THIS to the fuckin' moon!" he yelled as he unleashed a fuckin' jurassic jizz straight through the fuckin' roof.
How did someone have this fucking footage? What the FUCK was this shit?
The next scene disturbed me greatly.
We see Sonic the fucking Hedgehog shitting in a public bathroom and loudly moaning "Yeah. Gotta Go Fast." before he decided to get off the toilet and fucking shit into a urinal instead.
The fucking pool of piss in the urinal grew eyes and a fucking mouth and began to scream "DEATH TO THE INVADER" referring to the shit that was now entering. Sonic fucking SCREAMED and ran out of the bathroom at super speed, leaving a trail of Sonic Shit all over the walls and floor.
A big fucking letter U with dots over it then crashed into everything, causing a MASSIVE fuckin' explosion. Woody from Toy Story crawled out of the wreckage and said "Finally. A brand new Ü" before everything cut out and the movie finally returned to Despicable Me.
"AS I WAS FUCKING SAYING, MOTHER FUCKERS" continued Peter Piss, "DISNEY FUCKING SCRAPPED ME BECAUSE I WAS TOO AGGRESSIVE. SO NOW I'M SCRAPPING ALL OF YOU. This isn't just the Gru Variance Authority, it's the EVERYONE Variance Authority. Everyone who deviates from their intended character will suffer like I did. If I can't have my freedom, then no one can. All I wanted was to be Peter Pan. But now, I'm forever stuck as PETER FUCKING PISS! Once I've finally gathered enough variants, they will have no choice but to help me DESTROY the main timeline! Peter Pan will be eliminated, and I will finally have what I deserve!"
At this point He-Man yelled "Damn, dude! Don't you "have the power" to SHUT THE FUCK UP?"
Peter Piss started levitating in the air and summoning an army of variant Grus to help him.
"Alright, brother!" yelled Gru to Dru. "We must do something we never thought was possible. We must kill hundreds of us! It's not suicide, brother- IT'S GRUICIDE!"
Gru and Dru then started BRUTALLY fucking slaughtering the Gru variants. Gru spiked one's head on a fucking pike, and then threw it into a crowd of the others, yelling "WHO WANTS TO PLAY GRU-BALL?" before the head fucking exploded, killing several Gru variants.
Dru started lining the place with trip wires that immediately caught Gru variants, ripping their legs off and killing them instantly, while He-Man brutally struck them down with his sword.
Gru then whipped out a heavy machine gun, gunned down a few more alternate Gru's, and started shooting at Peter Piss.
"I AM THE ONE TRUE GRU! YOU CANNOT STOP ME, PETER PISS! NO ONE CAN FUCKING STOP GRUUUUU!!!!" Gru SCREAMED.
Peter Piss started shooting fuckin' magic bursts of- you guessed it, piss- at Gru, but Gru whipped out his Anti-Piss Gun and blasted a torrent of Counter-Piss at Peter.
He-Man then LEAPT onto a fucking table, screamed "I HAVE THE MOTHA FUCKIN' POWEEEERRRRRR!!!!!" grabbed Peter Piss, and summoned a MASSIVE fuckin' ray of powerful energy.
"Damn you, He-Man!" screamed Peter Piss.
"IT'S THEY-MAN NOW, BITCH! FUCK THE BRAAAAAAAAAAAND!" screamed He-Man/They-Man as the massive fuckin' energy blast disintegrated them both.
The movie then panned to a few weeks later. We see Gru and Dru back on Earth holding a hero's funeral for They-Man and Washington.
Suddenly, we hear a voice behind them.
"Do you mother FFFUCKERS have any idea what you've done?" said none other than...Mickey Mouse.
"What the fuck? Mickey Mouse?" said Dru.
"Why are you here?" said Gru.
Mickey sighed. "Peter Piss never knew this, but Disney allowed him to exist, because he kept the other variant timelines in check. Now that he's gone and you've destroyed his organization, every possible timeline in the multiverse has just been unleashed. You have no idea what you've done."
Mickey then vanished in a cloud of fucking smoke.
"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT SHIT?" Gru fucking screamed as the movie abruptly ended and the credits began to roll to the sound of a fat guy taking a shit.
The end.
Or was it?
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Lost Episodes
Category:Excessive Profanity
Category:WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT
Category:DIALOGUE!
Category:Suicide
Category:MOTHER OF FUCK THIS PAGE IS LONG LIKE MY PAINIS
Category:YT Readings