Mr. President

"Mr. President" is the 29th episode of Wiksteria Lane.
==Summary==
Gleekobsessed tries his very best to rally against Lynette in the run for presidency of the now abandoned Lostpedia, but a recently resurfaced scandal hurts his image. Meanwhile, Americana grows frustrated over her proposition not being considered by her boss, and Jdg is incredibly uncomfortable having his father around the house. When Mary continues to act out in the lewdest way possible, Rena and Lady have no choice but to kick her out, which doesn't please Villain.
==Plot==
Renaboss doesn't quite know what to say or do. He holds his coffee mug as he stands up in the kitchen, while Jdg and his father, James1234, sit down, along with Cat and Lady, as the middle-aged man tells him what he's doing there. He claims that he missed his son very much and wanted to get closure on their past issues, so when a gentle woman showed up in his town and told him where Jdg was, he immediately rushed there. Jdg, looking unhappy, asks who this "kind soul" was. James tells him it was a lovely, gorgeous young woman named Americana. Jdg grinds his teeth. Lady comments that it's lovely indeed that father and son are reunited after so long, and Cat jumps in, telling Jdg that she hated growing up never knowing who her father was, so she wonders why he doesn't look happier. Jdg doesn't reply. Rena asks how long he will be in town for, and James brings up the fact that he was actually considering, after reading up on the lane on the Wiki Mixer Page, moving there: things aren't going well in his home town, he's just lost his job and the insurance refuses to give him a check after his house burnt down because of the arson claims. Jdg looks ashamed as his father says this. James explains he's been staying with neighbors that are now sick of him, and Lady then kindly tells him he can stay with them for as long as he needs. At this, Rena isn't pleased either. James thanks her for her kindness. Rena then calls her to the side and asks if she's crazy, since they already have a house full of people as it is. Lady suggests that maybe James can stay at her father's template, and Rena tells her it's more than that, because he can clearly see that Jdg isn't happy having his father around. "He never opened up much about his past, so I know it's a troubled one. And I'd be willing to bet Daddy Dearest has something to do with that." Lady says, "Family can come over every things. I have fate in my heart that my papa and I will make a meds. Jdg and his fader can too." Rena isn't so sure. Meanwhile, at the kitchen table, Cat leaves, nevermind why, and Jdg is left looking down while his father tells him, "You look fat."
Gleekobsessed looks very nervous, almost sweating. His assistant comes over and hands him a glass of water. Ice asks if his boss is ready, and Gleek claims to be, whilst shaking a little. He then gets up on a big stage over at the Community Hall and takes the podium, addressing the hundreds of people that have come to watch and those at home. Amongst the audience are people holding up signs that say "Lynette for president", "Gay SHOULD be okay", "Closets are cramped", and also "God hates fags, and so do I", among others. Gleek starts to talk and somewhat stutters throughout his entire speech. He tells everyone to consider him instead for the presidency of the Lostpedia, for he runs the single most popular wiki of them all and is doing a bang-up job of it. No one is convinced by his words. People start booing, and Gleek is almost left in tears. His hands shake. "YOU COCKSUCKER!" an audience member shouts before throwing a shoe at Gleek, almost hitting him in the face. A Chat Moderator escorts the rowdyruff protestant out. Gliebe, serving as the assembly moderator, stands in Gleek's place and tells the crowd the spectacle is over. Gleek rushes out, completely mortified, and ignoring Ice's attempts to make him feel better. He bumps into his wife, who sports a large grin. "You know," she says, "One of the first things I noticed and immediately loved about you when we first started dating, was your stutter." Gleek, irritated, asks her what she's doing there, and adds, "You ruined my life... my career..." "Actually, honey," she responds, "You took care of that yourself. Karma's a bitch. I'm just its servant. Now, can we talk about that divorce?" "Oh, yes... I don't want to spend another minute married to you." Prima smiles, victorious. Gleek looks livid.
Someone knocks on a door. A random Lostpedia male resident opens it and Jdg stands before him. "Hello, sir," he says, smiling, before handing the man one of the many fliers he's got, "I'm here to inform you that you would be foolish to accept Lynettefan as your new president. He has a history of criminal activity and has been linked to the deaths of hundreds of people in our community, Wiksteria Lane." The man takes the flier, gives Jdg a look and asks, "Aren't you that kid who raped someone on Wiksteria Lane or something? The stalker?" Jdg, still smiling, awkwardly, says, "Goodbye, sir."
Another knock. This time, a female opens it. Lady stands before her, hands her a flier, and says, "Hello madame. I'm here to form you that you woud be full of this to accept Lynettefan as your new président. He has a... um..." (she reads from a cue card) "...history of criminal activity and has ben linked to the deafs of hundreds of people in our community, Wiksteria Lane." The woman can't understand her and asks, "I'm sorry sweetie, what are you selling again?" Lady says, "I sell anything, I want to say that Lynette is a vicious killer and if you vote for him he kill you too." The woman shouts to her husband, "Honey, did you order a Russian bride?" "Yeah!" "Well it's here!" Lady sighs.
Another knock. A young girl opens her door to find Villain fan standing before her. "Hello, young lady, are you home alone?" "Mom, pedophile!!!" Villain looks horrified. The girl's mother rushes to the door, "No, no-no-no-no, I, I'm just here to inform you that, that you shouldn't vote for Lynettefan to be the president of your wiki, because he has been linked to the deaths of hundreds of people and has a history of illicit misconduct." The woman skims through the flyer and says that BalkOfFame was responsible for the church blow-up, not Lynettefan. Villain tells her BOF was set up because Lynette is too smart and powerful and has bad people working for him, and if he reigns over the Lostpedia he'll just be given even more power. "You really shouldn't vote for him, for your daughter's sake," Vf tells her. "But mommy," the girl says, "I love president Lynette more than Justin Bieber." "Me too, sweetie," the woman tells her, before turning to Villain and saying, "Go spread your poison elsewhere." She gives him back the flyer, and he looks defeated.
Knock. A young woman answers. Mary stands before her, looking bored, hands her a flyer and says, "Hey, don't vote for Lynette, he'll kill you, blah." The youngster takes a look at the flyer and says, "I don't care what you left-wing radicals think or say, Lynettefan2626 is the most charming, professional, nice and elegant president I've ever seen, and I want him taking control of this great community, only to make it better. I will vote for him, and he will be a fantastic president!" Mary's face doesn't change, and she says, whilst chewing on her gum, "I don't give two shits either way. Your blouse is vom."
Later, the entire gang meets up with Rena at the Moderation Station, and he asks them how it went. They all look defeated. Except for Mary, who keeps chewing and popping her gum. Rena looks glum. Jdg tells him it's like Lynette has a thrall over those people, they're all excited about him becoming president. "So what do we do now?" Rena asks. "Well," Villain suggests, "The people love him because they don't know what we know. They haven't seen what we've seen. I think it's time we show them." Rena likes this...
Cat is seen sitting on the PM room's couch over at Rena's template. Mary joins her with some waffles and places them on the tea table. Cat says she thought Mary would be joining everyone in doing a political campaign, but Mary says politics are for nerds. Cat starts eating her waffle and says, "I miss Rocky..." "Tell me about it," Mary says. "Aw, you miss him too... I didn't notice you and Rocky were friends." "Friends with benefits," Mary adds. Cat says she doesn't know what that means, and Mary claims that she will when she gets to her age. "I hope I am as beautiful as you when I'm your age," the 8-year-old says. Mary stops licking her chocolate syrup sensually off the waffle and says, "Oh honey, you will be! Don't worry," she says, with a genuine sympathetic tone, "I mean, you sorta have my genes, after all. You're gonna be, like, Miss Universe pretty." Cat smiles widely. "I mean," Mary says, "You'll surely grow into your looks when puberty comes. Hopefully then your freckles will disappear. And maybe your hair will either get blonder or darker, and not that diarrhea color it has now. And you can always get a nose job." Cat's smile disappears. Mary continues: "And when your boobs come in, if they're as big as mine, all the boys are gonna fall for you!" Cat smiles again: "I hope so. I wanna be popular with the boys like you are." Mary feels complimented and proud. They finish eating their waffles and she then says, "You know, little sis, men are very important, but the most important thing of all is you. Ourselves. And we should never, ever depend on any man to be a sole pleasure provider." Cat looks confused, and asks what she means. Mary puts one hand over her crotch, feeling it, and says, "I mean... us women... we call the shots. And we should never bend over backwards for a man who doesn't deserve us. Don't make the mistakes I've made, kitten. Remember... 'cat'... and pussy... go together." Mary starts to rub her crotch. Cat looks further confused, but interested.
We are shown Lynettefan's office. Americana enters it and starts looking around for something, going through every drawer as silently as she can. "What are you looking for?" Lynette asks her. Amy looks up, startled, as her boss looks at her from the door. Amy, realizing she's been caught, doesn't even try to play it off, for it is not her style. She just stops, and remains quiet. Lynette, looking better, starts to walk towards her and says he doesn't keep many things in his office, but he can only think of one thing Amy could have wanted - one thing he now keeps in his safe: the keys to the Community Hall. The same ones Imma took when she stole the bombs. Amy grins: he was spot on. Lynette tells her, very solemnly, that they have doubled up on the security at the hall since the bombs were taken and the church blew up. Any attempt to go there and steal would be foolish. "Well, then," Amy says, "I guess I'll just have to keep it simple." She starts walking away, past him, and Lynette tells her, "Americana... I hope you remember who you're working for." Amy stops, smiling wickedly, turns around, and says, "Me. I quit." Lynette pauses, and then says, "Oh. Okay then. Sad to see you go. I'll make sure to send you your last check through my secretary." Amy responds, "No need to worry. I'll just help myself to as many badges as I can, when I can." "Amy... I hope you're not planning on doing anything foolish." he tells her, without sounding menacing. "I never do," she says, as bitchily as possible. Then she leaves. Lynette isn't amused. Devious Peep rushes in and shouts, "Boss!! Boss!! Turn on your damn TV!!"
Almost immediately afterwards, Lynette and Peep are both seen watching the news broadcast, where they're shown clips of excerpts of interviews made to several residents of the street who are familiar with Lynette, with the pretense of showing to the Lostpedia people what their possible new president is really like. Cat5sparkles is seen being interviewed, talking to a microphone being held in front of her. "He's really nice... he agreed to look after my dog, who's also my best friend, after my mean family wouldn't let me keep him. And he lets me visit Rocky all the time, and he even has his maid give me cookies. He's very nice, I... I have a tiny crush on him." Cat blushes, before the camera, and then tells the reporter, "Please don't tell anyone." In the next immediate shot, I luv pll, the Latin maid, is being interviewed. "Ay sí... el boss Lyneto is very good to me. He dame mucho dinero and mucho más Lemon Pledge". Then, Devious' turn. The large black woman suddenly shows up in the next shot and says "HOLY DAMN CRAP I'M ON TV HI HI HI!" Watching the broadcast, Lynette's eyes widen, and Peep chuckles. "OMG can I give a shout-out to my mom?" she says, on TV. The reporter says, "Um, sure, but..." "HI MOM OMG YOU SAID I'D NEVER MAKE IT TO TELEVISION WELL SUCK ON THIS HOE I'M A SUPERSTAR!!" The reporter calms her down as she jumps up and down with excitement: "Can you just please tell us about your boss?" "Oh, yeah, he's great, super fine, I'd tap that sweet white booty anytime, my only complaint is that he spends a lot of time talking to this white trash hoe that parades around like she's Queen of England, Jesus and Brangelina all rolled into one person WELL YOU'RE NOT AMERICANA YOU A DRAG QUEEN YOU A QUEEN OF DRAGS THAT'S WHATCHU ARE!!" The last portion she shouts at the TV. The reporter is heard telling the cameraman to turn off the camera, and Peep says "Hold up hold up hold up say whoa? You tryna cut me off? You tryna cut me off? Bitch I'ma cut cho face off that's what I'ma do!" The news then changes to cover some other subject, and Lynette turns the TV off. Devious Peep comments on how strange it is that no one else from the lane showed up, since she saw the reporter interviewing other people, like Rena and Villain fan. Lynette smiles and says, "Well, the producers clearly decided three testimonies were enough."
In Rena's template, the gang turns off the TV after watching the broadcast and Rena says, "Dafuq?... How come we didn't appear?" Villain fan tells them, "What did you expect when the whole of Wiksteria Lane's journalism team works for the same boss?" They all look frustrated. Villain tells them he's going home to think about what they can do to actually expose Lynette for who he is, and leaves. James comes downstairs and asks everyone what is going on. As soon as he sees his father, Jdg leaves the PM room. Lady says she's gonna go check on Cat, for she thinks it's time she was informed that Lynette is not who she thinks he is, and James sits down on the couch and picks up the remote. He looks at Rena and says, "You got Pornowiki on this thing?"
Upstairs, Cat is seen watching a repeat of the televised speech Lynette gave when he announced his run for presidency. "I... I say, no more. We let one president fail us. Fail you. A man everyone deposited their trust, their faith in. Well, I refuse to ever let that happen again. I think my record speaks for itself, but I shall say it nonetheless: I... can do it." As Cat listens to the object of her puppy love talk, she reaches one hand down, between her thighs. Soon afterwards, Lady walks into the bedroom, calling for her, and just in time to witness the girl removing her hand. Lady looks at her quietly for a few seconds. She looks at the TV, and then back at her young sister. Then she asks, "Cat... what... what were you doing?" Cat says, "Nothing..." Lady is shocked beyond belief: "You were... you were... I... Cat, who taught you to do dat?" Cat, looking embarrassed, says, with guilt, "Mary..." Lady's eyes convey a look of pure shock.
Not long after, Renaboss enters Mary's navbar, where she is lying on her bed reading Playwiki, and he tells her, through his clenched teeth, "Get your things... you're leaving. Now." Mary looks up at him confused.
We cut to Rena dragging a kicking and screaming Mary across the portal, making their way to Villain's template. Neighbors poke their heads out their doors to see what is going on, and Villain opens his, alarmed by the commotion. Rena pushes Mary inside her old house and her father asks what is going on. Rena, looking very distraught, tells him, "Your daughter's sick!! She's fucking sick, she, she, I don't even know!! She's fucked up in the fucking head, first the damn dog and now this, I, I, she needs help man!! You need to get her to the fucking doctors or some shit, this bitch is fucked up!!" Villain doesn't reply. Mary tries to compose herself, but she doesn't look too good, as though she's trying to fight back the tears. Rena finishes, "She... she's not welcome in my house anymore. You better control your daughter. She needs some serious help." Rena leaves. Villain, recuperating from the surprise, turns to his daughter and asks what happened. Mary says, with spite, "Oh, now you care?" She starts to head upstairs, and Villain just looks on.
Back in Rena's template, Lady is sitting with Cat in the young girl's PM room, trying to explain to her that what she did was wrong and age inappropriate. Rena storms back in. Jdg asks what happened, and James joins them. Rena hates to be the one to break the news to his young friend, but he says it anyway: "Jdg... I'm sorry, but... Mary... look, we both know the way she is with sex, how inappropriate she can get, and... she... she taught Cat how to masturbate. So we had to throw her out." Jdg looks stunned.
Later, Rena comes outside. He looks distressed. Americana sees him and attempts to chat him up, asking what's wrong. Rena gives her an angry look, not saying anything, and Amy says, "Oh, wait, don't tell me, let me guess. Um... you look distraught... like, like you just learnt something you didn't wanna know about someone you like. Um... is it perchance the fact that your tween buddy set a fire to his old house, killed his mommy and left his daddy homeless? Did James finally reveal that?" Rena looks confused. "What the hell are you talking about?" "Oh. I guess, um, I guess he didn't. Shame. And shame that Jdg never shared that nugget of information with you either. I thought you two were supposed to be best friends. Kinda relieved you aren't, I must say, cos he's like 11 and you're, well, not, so that whole thing you two have going on is just really creepy." Rena demands that she explain what she said, and Americana tells him, "For fuck's sake, clean your ears, you damn dirty gypsy! Jdg98 killed. His. Mother. He set a fire to their house to kill your newest houseguest and ended up killing mommy instead. I'd be careful around your home now if I were you. If it starts to smell like gas or smoke, beat it." Rena tells her that's a lie, and she says, "Oh yeah? Has he ever told you anything about his past? Or why he came to the lane alone at such a young age? Or why he changed his name?" Rena looks further confused. "Oh, right, I forgot to set you up for that. His real name... is JoséGuerri98. It's still probably his legal name. Just, well, the laws of the real world don't really apply here... He ran from home because people knew what he did." Rena claims to know this is just one more of her sick games, and she replies, "Well, maybe it is. But you are a Chat Mod. You have the means to check out the veracity of my claims. Wow, I really talk fancy ever since I started to work for Lynette... Anyway... just remember to look for JoséGuerri98." Amy smiles, and gets back to what she was doing. Rena takes a few steps forward, recuperating. Jdg comes out of his template and sits down on the front step, moping over Mary. Rena just looks at him, with concern. Behind him, Americana lifts open the trunk of her car, and smiles wickedly at its content: several cans of gasoline...
Inside the template, Cat sits up on her bed, arms crossed, TV off, thinking about what happened, and feeling guilty. She's alone. James walks in, knocks on her already opened door, and asks if he could come in. Cat says she'd prefer to be left alone for a while, but James ignores this and sits next to her on the bed. He then goes on to tell her that she shouldn't feel so bad about what happened that day, because it is perfectly natural for young girls and boys to feel tempted to explore their bodies, their budding sexualities. Cat doesn't fully understand this just yet, but she tells him he's very nice. James gives her an earnest smile, and then asks if it felt good when she did what she did. Cat says, "I... I guess..." James gives her another smile, also genuine, yet creepy, and says, "I bet it did..."
Meanwhile, Lady rushes to the burnbook and instantly throws up into the toilet. She hurls repeatedly and gags, and then wipes off the food remnants from the corners of her mouth with her hands, and says, "Mon Dieu..."
Villain fan is seen taping a bug wire to Rena's chest. "Ready?" the old man asks. "Bet on it."
Meanwhile, Gleek is seen backstage, looking very nervous, as IceBerry tries to calm him down, saying that there is still a chance he could win. Gleek tells him he knows there is no way in hell he is going to win, but right now that isn't the biggest problem for him. Thanks to his bitchy wife, everyone in the whole of wikia knows that he is gay, and he hates that. Mary happens to wander by and turns to them: "Hi, sorry, do you know where the crapper is? I'm bored so I wanna go rub one out." The two men look at her with shock and contempt, and Ice points in the direction of the burnbook. Mary thanks them, and starts walking away. Ice tells his boss that the times have changed, and people will be more accepting of him if he just comes clean, but Gleek says he can't even accept himself, and he doesn't care about others accepting him, "I don't want people to know or think I'm gay!!!" Mary, having overheard this, turns around, looking more entertained, and says, "Um, excuse me?" The two men look at her. "Maybe I can help with that."
Elsewhere, unlike his opponent, Lynettefan is looking very confident, not to mention sharp. Americana stands next to him, as a fake show of support, Devious Peep finishes putting up the final touches on his business suit, and tells him, "Damn, boss, you look so fiiiiiiiiiine..." Lynette smiles and thanks her, and Renaboss, wearing a buttoned-up shirt, shows up, and asks to have a word with his boss. Lynette agrees, and asks Peep and Amy to give them a moment. "Fine," the secretary says, as she starts leaving, "I'ma go have a coke. Diet! Diet coke. I looked fat on TV. Yunno, I oughta start wearing more black. It's thinning." Amy tells her, "The whole of your skin is black and you still don't look thin." Peep stops and looks at her, quietly, for about ten seconds. Then she smacks her across the face with her large brown hand. Amy is almost thrown to the floor, and is completely caught off-guard. "Sorry," Peep says, "I was honestly trying to think of sumthin' funny and bitchy to say, but the best I could come up with was to make you swallow your teeth." This said, she walks away, leaving a dazed Americana feeling up her red and swollen cheek. Back to where the two rivals were left, Lynette asks what Rena would like to talk about. In the sound booth, Villain fan and Jdg98 turn on the giant speakers of the venue, which are now connected to Rena's wire transmission. The thousands of attendants are then surprised to hear Rena saying, "I just wanted to congratulate you, Lynette. Even though it's soon, we all know you're going to win." They then hear the voice of their beloved candidate, "Well, I wouldn't say... I mean, it would be arrogant of me to presume I will come out of this the winner. But I am hopeful." In the crowd, the people are humbled. Amy smiles at this whole ordeal, whilst touching her cheek. "Well," Rena says, "Here's hoping then that no one finds out that you killed everyone in that church." The people gasp. Lynette is then heard saying, "Renaboss... my dear friend... BalkOfFame did that. He admitted to it on his suicide note. Why do you accuse me of such a horrible thing?" "Because that's what you do. It's who you are. A horrible person. A liar, a cheat, a criminal. A murderer." Gasps. "Rena... I am... offended, and mortified by these accusations. But I... I don't mind them as much as I should. I understand that you've had a horrible year. Getting shot at... your friend committing suicide before your very eyes... being diagnosed with cancer... arresting your young friend for sexual harrassment..." "All of which YOU'RE responsible for!!" Rena lashes out. Gasps. "Renaboss... I get you. I get where you're coming from. I've been there before. When life gets us down, it's easier to blame others for our problems than to accept how unfair life is. But, if we can admit to our flaws, accept how we've been wrong, and muster up the courage to move on, that's when we find out how strong we really are." The crowd is delighted. Rena, however, is livid: "You raped my girlfriend!!" Louder gasps. "Rena... if I recall correctly, your girlfriend left me. For you. After I was a model fiancé to her. It just wasn't enough, I guess. If she is spreading lies about me ever... having harmed her... it's clearly because she has a vendetta against me." "Just fucking admit that you killed your secretary!!" Gasps. Devious Peep, by a juice stand, says, lowly, "I'm right here, fool..." The sound from the speakers continues. "Renaboss... I adored ImmaGleek! She was loyal, professional and kind, and I miss her terribly. She was a fantastic secretary!" Peep, by the stand, stops chugging her Diet Coke and says, "Shoot, she can't hold a candle to me." Lynette's voice continues, "I could never have hurt her, you know all too well BalkOfFame also killed her." "Then how come you told us all she'd gone off to Europe when she had been murdered?" "Because that's what I thought. He sent me a message saying so. I showed it to the moderators. He tricked me, Rena. He tricked all of us. And caused the loss of so many people... I wanna ensure nothing like that ever happens again." The crowd is delighted. Backstage, we see the two rivals. "And Renaboss..." Lynette says, "Allow me the liberty to... to give you a hug." Rena looks confused, and he adds, "Regardless of what you think, I am not your enemy. I'm your friend." The crowd joins in a loud, collective "Aw". Lynette hugs Rena and, in the meantime, reaches into his shirt and rips out his bug wire, crushing it afterwards. Then he says, no longer being heard outside, "And I am also not a fucking amateur. You may leave now." Renaboss looks livid. Inside the sound booth, Vf and Jdg look frustrated. Amidst the crowd, Lady sighs.
Gliebe takes the podium, having just announced who won the election, and calls to the stage Lostpedia's new president, Lynettefan2626. The crowd cheers enthusiastically. Backstage, Lynette smiles victoriously. As he makes his way to the stage, he passes by a glum Gleekobsessed, being comforted by his secretary. Primadonna Girl stands by as Lynette passes, and tells him, with a flirtatious smile, "Congratulations... Mr. President." Lynette's grin widens further and he gets up on the stage. Confetti comes falling down, and the wikia anthem is heard playing loudly, coming out of the speakers. The people go crazy. Claps and shouts and cheers are heard. Lynettefan stands at the podium, and starts his appreciation speech. Atop the Lostpedia, on a hill, Renaboss, Lady Junky, Villain fan and Jdg98 look down at the cheering fools below them. "Well..." Rena says, "It's official now. It's us against the world."
Category:Season 3 Category:Episodes