BioShock Infinite: The Game From Hell Part 1

I love shooter games, just like everyone else. I've played all of the popular ones like Call of Duty and Halo, but I've also played unpopular indie games like Team Fortress 2. I don't think I've ever played glitchy or hacked games before, aside from a hacked copy of Assassin's Creed Unity which made people's faces look all weird. But after what happened to me, I've learned to be much more careful.
It all started when I was going to the Steam Store to buy Black Ops 2. On the front page, I saw a game simply titled BioShock Infinite. It was obviously made by some up-and-coming developer, so I bought it to see if it would be as good as my favorite games. It costs a bit, but I don't care and buy it anyways.
After the game finished downloading, I immediately turned started playing it. It wasn't until after the publishers' logos went by that I started seeing something strange. Instead of a normal title screen, I was showed a couple of people in old-fashioned clothing looking over a balcony. When I got the menu, it was displayed on a sign of some sort of bar. The menus flashed to other signs as I used them to start up the game. I figured that it was just a weird glitch and moved on. 
When the game began, I was sitting on a rowboat captained by two people, a man and a woman, both wearing raincoats. I thought this was a bit strange. Could I have started in the middle of the game because of the glitch in the main menu? I stopped listening to the cutscene because it was too boring and just waiting to be brought to shore. When I was, I climbed up a ladder and was face-to-face with an island bare of any artificial construction at all. The only man-made things on the island were the dock I just climbed up and a large lighthouse. The creepy thing was that there were no enemies on the map at all. I climbed up the lighthouse stairs, and came face-to-face with a man tied to a chair. He was covered in blood and there was a bag over his face. My character didn't seem to be the slightest bit fazed about this at all. This frightened me a bit, but I assumed what I thought was a glitch in the game that made the hostage I was supposed to save die. Little did I know how wrong I was...
I walked up the lighthouse top and saw the top of the lighthouse. For some reason, I couldn't break the glass with my pistol. Instead of a door, there was a strange-looking door. The door was very strange-looking, as it had a strange lock. In order to get in, I had to solve a difficult puzzle involving the ringing of bells. Now, this puzzle was almost too hard for me to figure out, but I got it eventually. Then, the lighthouse started going apeshit. Everything started rotating and flashing, and it was so scary I had to shut my eyes halfway through. When the door finally opened, there was a chair in the middle of the room. My character commented about how "they" wanted me to sit in the chair, and some text on my screen told me to press the F key to sit. I couldn't figure out what to do at first, but as with the first puzzle, I found out that I had to sit in the chair to progress.
When I sat in the chair, clamps locked around my hands and feet. Was this chair some strange torture device? Suddenly, wooden walls started to rise up around me! They formed into a pod, and I was trapped inside as it started to rise into the air. I WAS GOING TO DIE!!! A mysterious female voice stated my altitude as I flew up into the air. Was this the person who was putting me through all of this? Suddenly, the grey rainy skies turned into blue. It was almost like I went above the clouds! There was a floating city directly outside of my window, which the device I was in flew towards. I was confused, cities can't float! Was this game made by the devil to destroy my perception of reality!? I went down a strange tunnel, and was subjected to horrible religious blasphemies too horrible to describe here. Finally, I was set down and the pod disappeared. I got out of my chair, not knowing that this was only the start of the horrific journey...
TO BE CONTINUED
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Vidya games
Category:Stupid is as the main character does
Category:TOTALLY NOT UNFINISHED U GUIZE
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck