Whatever you do, do NOT pirate Epic Mickey 2 beta build

Once I got a pirate copy of Epic Mickey 2's beta build, because do you really want to buy that game? With your own money? That's what I thought. So I ran the game on Wii (which is the superior and definitive way to play this game) but there WAS NO SAVE FILE! "It's just a glitch," I said to myself. I spawned in Ventureland, which shouldn't happen while playing the game normally. "That's also just a glitch," I reasoned with myself. Then after approximately 1.9472315 seconds, Oswald popped in. He was a bit more desaturated than usual, and he was hyper realistic. Mickey was hyper-realistic too! Mickey turned to Oswald, without any input from my controller. "It's likely just another glitch," I thought to myself. "Hey, did you know that 1 in 3 people are gay?" Mickey said in a hoarse, offputting voice, almost like Junction Point hired an unpaid intern to do a horrible Mickey impression. "I'm not gay," Oswald replied, his voice quality sounding like someone recorded it in an empty sewer. "Neither am I," responded Mickey. Suddenly, both of them turned to the camera, and pointed their fingers at me. "YOUUUUUUUUUU!" they screamed. "MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE?" I gasped. Suddenly Mickey's hand became all inky like the Blot (that was a hardcore Epic Mickey reference for you FAKE FANS out there) and he grabbed me as I went into the TV. Suddenly I was in Disney HQ and I was surrounded by various Disney characters and owned subsidiaries. "So, OP, we need you. As a background character on one of our movies. So that we can claim to be inclusive but put in the bare minimum as to not piss off foreign markets." "What's your offer?" I bargained. "You get to have a lifetime pass to Tokyo DisneySea and act as a sleeper agent for us. I've heard Universal's got big plans for that Legend of Zelda ride."
So, now that I am a slave to the Mouse, I might as well tell you some classified information. Disney is planning to make several new shows. A miniseries documenting Lumpawaroo's college years. A dramatic soap opera of Timon and Pumbaa's sex life. A Muppet Babies spin-off prequel called Muppet Spermies. An entire film franchise based on Kingdom Hearts with Don Cheadle playing a mo-capped Donald Duck and Bryan Cranston playing a fursuit Goofy. Gremlin Prescott is Fighter's Pass 10, with Jamface as an alternate skin. Disney will buy Epic Games in its entirety and run Fortnite into the ground in ways that don't even seem possible. Photo Negative Mickey is not only real, but the government has been rigged so that he'll be the 48th president of the United States, followed by his successor Old Man McGucket. Under his rule there will be at least 7 Disney theme parks per state and a Tomorrowland branded churro in every pot. Shake It Up will be receiving a sequel series called Shake It Down, where the main characters are cyborgs that live in a post-apocalyptic future ruled by Moseby from Suite Life. Spaceship Earth is not only the place that holds Walt Disney's severed frozen head, but Madame Leota guards his ashes at the Haunted Mansion. DXP will come back as its own 24/7 channel, and with their Epic Games merge and more bribes than your average mafia flick, they will give G4 a run for their money until Disney gets tired of it and turns it into a YouTube Red exclusive account. Monsters Incorporated will build the biggest and most hi-tech gaming PCs. Michael Eisner is actually a robot that is fueled by cold hard cash. EVERY VISIT TO DISNEY'S THEME PARKS IS PERSONALIZED TO YOUR LIKING, AND ONCE YOU FIND OUT THE HIDDEN UNDERGROUND SOCIETY BETWEEN CLUB 33 AND IT'S A SMALL WORLD, JULIUS THE CAT WILL COME INTO YOUR HOUSE, SLAP YOU, AND CALL YOU A BITCH. Anyways, that's it for now. I'm going to play an extra in Disney Pixar's Coco 5: Hector Takes Manhattan.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Vidya games
Category:Well, that was pointless.
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep