Self-aggrandizement

Self-aggrandizement is the most crucial, indispensable, and noble of all topics Uncyclopedia can cover. Without selfaggrandizement, there is nothing.
Although unfortunately Asia's inherent conservatism has led to no single exertion of the Will that is characteristic of True Selfaggrandizement, I, Mr. Illuminated Megacaesarlord-Optimus-Prime Velociraptor-Augustus of the Absolute Infinite, stand at the crossroads, the crux of the history of the Universe, for I am writing the Uncyclopedia article on selfaggrandizement.
My success or failure at this epic task is the road to universal peace and prosperity or terror and darkness. Today, I write, I the Great One, the godlike, a god among men, the Master of All, Creator and Destroyer of Civilizations, write. My name shall be remembered, engraved forever in the minds of posterity for my heroic deeds in writing about selfaggrandizement. For millennia to come, they will speak of Mr. Illuminated Megacaesarlord-Optimus-Prime Velociraptor-Augustus of the Absolute Infinite the God-like, how I so valorously created an Uncyclopedia article on selfaggrandizement, my infinite knowledge and wisdom. Even though I am immortal, Caesar and Alexander shall grovel before me in the underworld. Great mythological and legendary heroesAchilles, Theseus, Hector, Heraklesshall envy my boundless honor and fame.
==The greatness==
This Uncyclopedia articlethis eximious pinnacle of truth, this exclave of wisdom in an imbecilic world, this savior of the nascent, this Colossus of magnificence, this wonder of unfathomable, unassailable grandnessis the greatest undertaking in the history of humankind. It shall revolutionize the way we think, act, speak. No aspect of existence shall be untouched by this Fountain of Prescience which I, the Lord of Excellence, have created.
==The honor==
For all eternityfrom now until the end of time itselfI will be worshipped for this great deed, this Illumination of the Universe. Aspiring conquerors, scientists, revolutionaries, and generals shall hear of my greatness and weep. They shall weep at their own insignificance, the impossibility of surpassing my valor, puissance, and intellect. They shall say, "Alas! If only I had written the Uncyclopedia article on selfaggrandizement." The name of Mr. Illuminated Megacaesarlord-Optimus-Prime Velociraptor-Augustus of the Absolute Infinite, the Divine Warrior of Justice and Hope, will be forever extolled throughout the world, throughout the galaxy, throughout the universe!
==The power==
Those who read this article are forever touched by the lightthe light of truth. They shall be filled with raptureuncontrollable rapture. Where there was darkness, there will be light. Where there was despair, there shall be hope. Such is the altitudinous eminence of selfaggrandizement!
A trillion worlds, all of the known and unknown universe, will tremble with a mixture of fear and admiration, in awe of me, the personification of omnipotence and humility. I writeI continue to write, knowing this article on selfaggrandizement will be result in a revolution; an immeasurably immense change in the way we exist.
There will be vicissitudestransitions of power and shifts of beliefsbut there will be one unchanging constant: the admiration of this article about selfaggrandizement.
This article on self-aggrandizement transcends borders, religions, politics, and cultures. It transcends Uncyclopedia itself. Words, feeble English words, cannot even begin to describe the importance and greatness of it. You, a mere human, cannot even begin to comprehend the infinite, ageless meaning of my exalted work!
==See also==
*Donkey Hodie ()
*Douche
*Egocentrism
*Germany
*Napoleon
*Self Promotion
*Stephen Wolfram
*Superiority Complex
*Vanity page
Category:Quasi-Featured
Category:Self-reference
Category:Vanity