nyuuzyou/wikis huggingface dataset:
Megabat

Megabats are the result of Yogi Bear getting pissed at Count von Count for taking too long in the public restroom causing Yogi to embarrass himself in front of a bunch of children by, as described by Oscar Wilde, "Letting it all out". In revenge, Yogi seduced the Count's wife as she was in bat form and together they spawned the ungodly creature that is the Megabat.
== Description ==
Also known as Baticus "Holyshitlookatthesizeofthatthing" Animus, the Megabat is a huge, 8ft lizard. Their culture greatly revolves around rap music, with their females adoring "Holla" considerably more than even our own delightful sandwich makers, although female Megabats lack the kitchenary disciplines ours take for granted. The Megabat is infamous for its "needle penis" first pointed out by its natural enemy in the wild, Manbearpig. 
== Location and Society ==
Megabats have an interesting social hierarchy with the Grand Pimp at its head with various roles spanning down from that, such as: General Pimps, General Pimp's bitches, Commander Pimps and Commander Pimp's bitches, anything below that can simply be considered an ordinary Megabat. Except for the current president of the U.S.A. Barack Obama and celebrity Snooki, no other Megabats have learnt how to morph into humans. All Megabats bar President Obama currently live in Ghettos. It is not uncommon for Ghettos to go to war with each other, causing the deaths of many Megabats every year and the requirement of many police officers watching Ghettos 24/7 unfortunately costing the average taxpayer extra.
==Famous Megabats==
*Barack Obama
*Snooki
*Supersonic
Category:Lethal Mammals
Melenoma

Previously thought to be a form of skin cancer, melanoma is actually caused by microscopic Melons with legs invading your cells. Melenoma is similar to worms although the cause of transmission is unknown.
==Symptoms==
The first Stage of getting a melenoma cell infestation is a sudden lust for watermelon. Vomiting typically does not occur but in rare cases patients were Blowing Some Chunks.
The second Stage is swelling of the abdominal area. This includes a greenish coloration and the hardening of the outer skin layers and soft tissues.
The final and most dangerous Stage of a melenoma cell infestation is the total loss of body shape. As skin becomes a dark green the infected individual will often become a spherical mass. As brain function is reduced to that of a plant, the innards mush up into a pink watery substance. Patients' bones shrink into black seeds for future generations of the Melenoma Parasite. Other symptoms include nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea. 
==Documented cases==
The first documented case of Melenoma is that of Fat Green Asian Man, a morbidly obese man with a keen love of fruit. He was living in Hiroshima during the end of World War II when nuclear fallout radiated his watermelon field it is believed that his beloved plants mutated and turned on him.
It wasn't long before local survivors noticed a 3000 lb watermelon forming in the middle of his field. Police and doctors discovered him in the second stage. Because of his inability to talk the case was documented as a result of nuclear mutation. When reports increased it was redefined as a form of cancer.
==Cures==
Immediately after the so-called "Cancer" was publisized many old Asian herbalists claimed to have a cure for the crippling effects of melenoma cell infestations. Sadly they were all just dicks. 
To date no cures are known for the infestation but it is theorized that drinking Poison mixed with acid and lye may prevent melenoma cell infestations.
==See also==
*Mutation
*Diseases
*Plants
Category:Diseases
Category:Plants
Memo:Revised Urgency Scale

To: 	All Uncyclopedians
From:	Daryl Dipstick – Director of Strategic Policy & Research
RE: 	Urgency Scale – Revised
Date:	, ,
----
Recently, it has come to my attention that an excessively high number of employees are of the opinion that any requests they make are of an urgent nature. As a result, we are hereby phasing out “Low”, “Normal” and “High” due to lack of use, and designating “Urgent” as the new “Normal” forthwith. A revised urgency scale is described below.
'Very Urgent' – Requests at this level have been flagged by the sender as marginally more important than whatever needs you may have. Example: A need for the speedy provision of a coffee and doughnut to promote efficiency, positive mood and/or overall job satisfaction. 
'Extremely Urgent' – Requests of this nature have been assessed to be potentially damaging to personal productivity or overall business operation should they be delayed. Example: An expedited requisition for nail clippers to address an irritating broken fingernail that is impairing the typing of critical documents.
'Super Urgent' – Requests at this level are those that have transcended personal and bureaucratic levels and threaten the operation of physical laws and the time/space continuum. Ignoring requests of this nature may result in an indeterminate delay of the sun rising tomorrow and/or or an increased likelihood of that thing occurring that you’ve been dreading and hoping wouldn’t happen (and trying really hard not to think about, hoping it goes away by itself).
'Excruciatingly Urgent' – Failure to respond immediately to requests at this level may result in painful, agonizing, and possibly life threatening consequences to the sender, including (but not limited to): heart attack, spontaneous combustion, or disintegration of the individual by a break-up of cells at the molecular level, and subsequent absorption of all their carbon and water elements through the building’s air treatment and humidity control subsystems. Any employees considering ignoring or excessively postponing requests of this nature are advised that they must possess current CPR and AED (Automated External Defibrillator) training and/or the address and phone number of a good shaman (or other spiritual authority). A minimum of one million dollars of personal liability insurance is also highly recommended.
This policy is to be considered standard practice forthwith, though a formal process to draft a definitive policy document will be scheduled within the next few days. Your input in this endeavour would be sincerely appreciated.
Kindest Regards,
Daryl Dipstick
Director
Strategic Policy & Research
Uncyclopedia.org
----
Category:MemosCategory:Articles written in the style of letters
Men's rights movement

The Men's Rights Movement was a group created by 4chan so the people who edit it could get in with feminists in the vain hope they'll ever get laid.
They have several core principles:
#Strong women like strong men.
#Men can argue just as well as women can, and LOUDER. LOUDER ARGUMENTS ARE ALWAYS BETTER ARGUMENTS. (Dishes, fists, and objects such as knives thrown for punctuation make arguments even louder still.)
#Men should be able to stick it in without pulling anything out of their wallets later even if they never wore protection during the act and weren't married at the time.
#Men shouldn't have to do all the heavy duty work, even if they are twice as strong as the average female and never get pregnant.
#Men make better nurses, cooks, call center personnel, accountants, janitors, and administrative assistants than women, so they should continue to be paid twice the wage of women when performing these jobs.
#Men shouldn't have to pay the restaurant bill on dates, even though they are making more than twice as much money as their date.
#Men shouldn't have to get their hands dirty or stinky. Mens' manicures matter too!
#Men always enjoy using every hour of their spare time taking care of babies and children, and prefer entertaining their children to video gaming, so they should always be allowed custody of the kids in a divorce. Alternately, if the spouse DOES get the kids, the kids should be able to support themselves.
#Child care should always be free.
#Women should always maintain their appearance in a way that is pleasing to men, even if she is not looking for a mate or is a lesbian, regardless of time or expense. Men also should not ever have to pay for this expense when dating or married to a woman. 
#Men are entitled to as many partners in bed as they can get away with at the same time. 
#The female is always in the wrong.
Category:Men Even Desperate Women Wouldn't Fuck
Menopause

MEN-O-PAUSE. Follow the instructions guys.
Menopause is the time in a woman's life when she stops being sexy at all. Menopause is named because when a man looks at a woman who is in menopause, he will pause while her non-sexiness registers in the big brain lobe that controls the man's little brain. The average processing time of this information is 1.67 seconds, the so-called pause, after which the pause ends and the man does not become sexually aroused.
Menopause symptoms include hot flashes, sagging breasts, uncontrollable pubic hair growth, and the undeniable urge to hug all children under 12 years old.
Leading feminologists have theorized that fat and/or ugly women are actually stuck in menopause, but scientists have been too busy inventing spandex bodysuits, pheromones, and pornography to care enough to investigate.
In the United States and elsewhere, menopausal women have their own organization, the Menopausal Alliance Doing Damage, or MADD. MADD is a neo-fascist conglomeration of menopausal women who hate the environment, hate freedom and hate pleasure, and are bent on destruction and the establishment of a dictatorial nanny state; it is no surprise that MADD was allied with the Nazis during World War II, the Soviets during the Cold War, and al-Qaeda during the War on Terror.
==Origin==
Many believe that menopause is completely natural, this is infact an urban legend. Menopause is actually a virus invented in the 1940s as a way to stop women from having periods in an attempt to control mood swings. Unfortunately, the virus backfired and actually causes women to be more angry and violent, for a longer period of time. This is due to the estrogen levels increasing and creating a tumor in the ovaries. Women, having sensitive ovaries, start flipping out from the pain in their abdomens.
So far scientists have yet to find a cure for menopause, and are searching feverishly.
Category:Women
Category:Health
Category:Things that are definitely out to get you
es:Menopausia
it:Menopausa
pt:Menopausa
Mental masturbation

:For other fun things to do with your brain, see Masturbation (disambiguation).
Mental masturbation is a method of intellectual self-stimulation that creates a pleasing sensation. Yet, this activity has deep philosophical and social histories and has been the subject of controversy.
It was first devised by college students in the early 1960’s.
==Process==
Mental masturbation is a simple process that is usually done in isolation.
First, one must remove his or her scalp, exposing the brain.
Then, one lubricates the brain. Vaseline is a popular lubricant, but acceptable substitutes include lotion, olive oil, kerosene, and liquid oxygen. The brain is lubricated to avoid chaffing when the brain is stroked.
However, before stroking the brain, it is important to have a piece of tissue or a facecloth covering the cerebellum to absorb the ejaculate that results from an intellectual orgasm.
Then, one strokes the brain and feels an increasingly pleasurable sensation until one intellectually orgasms.
After the intellectual orgasm, people usually blank out or take a nap. However, it is important to clean one’s self and re-attach the scalp before doing anything else.
==Controversy==
Mental masturbation has been considered a shameful activity by mainstream society, and is therefore often not openly discussed. Nevertheless, people sometimes gather in groups for mental masturbation.
Group mental masturbation seems to be something that is done outside of the public sphere and there are varying reports as to how common it actually is. However, there are no real statistics on this because nobody really gives a shit.
==Mental Masturbatory Aids==
People often use items to intensify the sensation of mental masturbation. Such aids include fantasy or science fiction novels and Wikipedia.
==Symptoms of Excessive Mental Masturbation==
Some symptoms of excessive mental masturbation include:
* brain damage
* blindness
* fatigue
* majoring in Political Science
* watching a Michael Moore film
* having sex with a moose
* watching a Michael Moore film while having sex with a moose
* writing for Wikipedia.
* voting for Sarah Palin
* watching KONY 2012
* participating in myUMBC discussion Challenge: Prove Anything At All
Category:Sexuality
Mentor

A mentor is someone older than you that secretly (or in some cases openly) wants to rape you. This is no coincidence as the word mentor comes from the Latin word mentōr meaning paedophile. Mentorship, sometimes referred to as "grooming", refers to a personal developmental relationship in which a more experienced or more knowledgeable person helps a less experienced or less knowledgeable person, specifically with the intent of getting into their pants at the earliest possible chance.
Mentoring was a common practice within the Ancient World, particularly within the Greek States where it can be seen in the works of Idiocrates and in the actions of their most renowned heroes such as Alexander the Great. 
==Business Mentoring==
Often rich and powerful members of the business community or those involved in politics will take time out of their busy schedule of telling the rest of us what to do to mentor a down and out from society, often in remote locations such as docklands, public toilets and discreet parkland and heaths. More often than not these individuals are keen not to take credit for their hard work within amongst the less fortunate and will take extreme lengths to deny any involvement.
==Examples in Popular Culture==
Professor Dumbledore's relationship with Harry Potter is often cited as an example of mentorship within modern tales. Over the course of the story narrative Harry becomes more and more under the influence of the hirsute elderly wizard, including involvement in some BDSM activity with a mystery character "He Who Must Not Be Named".
The singer/songwriter Elton John has taken a number of young, sexually attractive male singers under his wing and mentored them within their careers, including George Michael, Will Young and the gay one out of Take That. Frequently his mentoring takes place in the dead of night away from the glare of the paparazzi, whilst the individual is at a low ebb in their lives. In an interview in 2008 former members of the band WHAM! George Michael stated that the mentoring that he had under Elton would be something that would remain with him for his whole life, and that he had started a similar programme amongst the less fortunate.
==Criticism of Mentoring==
A number of wide spread sources have held up a large amount of criticism towards Mentoring and its effects on the young. UK newspaper the Daily Mail began an ongoing campaign to highlight a number of high profile cases, notably Michael Barrymore's Pool Mentoring Technique, as well as lurid details leading to the completely natural death of Irish homosexual Stephen Gately.
==See also==
* Gary Glitter
* Kiddie Fiddler
* Learn
Category:Occupations
Category:Teachers who let their students visit Uncyclopedia during class
Mentos

Mentos (aka "The Wonder Candy") is a tasty, chewy candy, which allows the consumer to perform feats otherwise impossible in normal situations. Mentos is available in many flavors including mint, lemon, orange, kumquat, blood, Heineken, and Dennis (that last one isn't very popular, and can only be purchased if you have special permission from The Hague). Recently the company attempted to make a snozzberry-flavored variety, but gave up when they failed to find a sufficient supply of the rare fruit.
==Immaculate conception==
The original mint flavored Mentos were invented by Edith Van Halen of Rotterdam. She offered it to her neighbors and they were delighted by the taste and texture of the candy. The neighbors were also very surprised when, upon consuming the candy, they were able to perform superhuman feats, such as carrying cows and lifting windmills. Legend has it that one such man rode his bicycle to Germany and back without stopping for a piss. The real kicker was when a little boy was eating several mints and noticed that the village dike was leaking. He put his finger in the dike, saving his entire village from being drowned.
==Popularity and promotion==
The candy's popularity spread beyond the borders of Edith's local neighborhood and throughout the whole of Europe. The mints actually became so popular, she was able to sell the recipe to a huge corporation for a... mint.
Well, Mentos kind of taste like candy but also kind of taste like fried okra. In an effort to expand the consumer base in the mid 1950s, an advertising executives christened Mentos with the phrase "The Wonder Candy." People performing various superhuman feats were broadcast on the Milton Berle Show, thus cementing Mentos as the most popular candy in the United States. Ever since that time, millions of Mentos chewers have been able to lift cars into tight parking spaces, walk on water, and sing songs by the Foo Fighters.
Just so everyone knows, the term "chewy dragee" on the Mentos packet is a term that mean chewy inside and hard outside. Although it is written in Greek, it is placed there for English speaking people as it is a word, that like champagne, traveled and now is in common English and in the English dictionary.
I wrote this to prove to someone that it was true when I wouldn't have a clue about it except for the meaning which is true.
==Weaponization==
Much study has been done on this "wonder candy," trying to determine the secret of its strength. Walter White accidentally stumbled upon this secret when he dropped a roll of mint Mentos into a can of Pepsi as a chemistry experiment to test the strength of the substance. The combined contents exploded, scattering remnants of the can and the candy everywhere. The homemade weapon soon became known as the Pepsi Grenade. This squirty mixture was first used in combat in the 1991 Gulf War with much success.
==See also==
*Dr. Demento
*Memento
==External links==
*Chicks dig Pepsi and Mentos
*When barney comes along get the mentos
Category:Beer
Category:Candy
Category:Dutch culture
Category:Foo Fighters
Category:Weapons
he:מנטוס
it:Mentos
ja:メントス
pt:Mentos
Meringue

(pronounced "Mir-ang-gooey")
Meringue is a co-polymer made from whipped egg whites and caster sugar, resembling hardened shaving cream in its unadulterated form. Early recipes used cream of tartar to improve the rheological properties of meringue; since then numerous doping agents, such as almonds, have been used to produce high-performance meringues.
==Invention==
Meringue was invented by chefs at Trinity College, Cambridge in 1966. Like Creme Brulee it was conceived as a use for the prodigious quantities of hot air generated by the Fellows. It had the additional advantage of resembling the blue-rinse haircut popularised by the pin-ups of the day.
The major drawback of meringues as dessert is that overcooking led them to become hard as obsidian - the edges of a finely-crafted meringue could be dangerously sharp.
==Military Development==
After a professor quite literally cut his teeth on an overcooked meringue, the British MoD began research into a weaponised form to counter the rising threat of Chinese Fighting Muffins. The ultimate result of this secret program was the development of a compact hand-to-hand throwing weapon, which proved useful by the SAS in close-quarter combat (particularly in dense jungle warfare). The soldiers trained in the use of this unusual weapon therefore came to be known as Meringueotans. Later, a version was developed that would, after delivering its deadly payload, return to the thrower - this was known as a Boomeringue.
During the Cold war, larger versions fired from deck guns were developed for naval use. They were deployed extensively on light twin-hulled vessels known as catameringues, and were also used in submeringues.
==End of the line?==
Meringue fell from favour after the "Baked Alaska" incident, in which a military exercise involving a nuclear submeringue resulted in the city of Juneau being buried in a drift of radioactive icing sugar. Following the incident, several Alaskan Mooses confected to the Russian side, leaving Reagan's government with substantial quantities of egg on their face.
==Meringue in Scotland==
A young man walking through Glasgow noticed an object he didn't recognise in the window of a baker's shop. So he went in and asked the baker, "Is that a cake or a meringue?" "Ye're quite right, laddie," replied the baker, "It's a cake."
Category:Desserts
Category:Weapons
Category:Puns
Merry Meet

Merry Meet is a phrase used by pretentious Wiccans and other complete snobs of the Pagan lifestyle. It is used to assert ones status in the Hierarchy of Pagan Asshats. Many of those who say "Merry Meet" do so out of a sub-conscious desire to perform ******** on David Hasslehoff. It should be noted that even David Hasselhoff has been quoted as saying "Sie bist ein emo" in response to this claim. Those who say "Merry Meet" or "MM" in chat rooms are most notably overweight chuds who have all the sex appeal of Camryn Manhiem in a two piece string bikini. (Although some people dig the grotesquely obese, and they must as many of these pathetic sods have children.)
However it should be noted that if you have sex with an individual who says "Merry Meet" offline you will contract HIV, as they all congregate at Muslim bathhouses and Log Cabin Republican party meetings.
==Dealing With Pretentious Pagan Fucks==
It should be remembered that while some of those who use this term and others like it have no original thought of their own and lack the creativity and courage required to actually become individualist thinkers, this does not apply to everyone. A pretentious pagan fuck's perception of the world is limited, so too is their understanding of sarcasm and the art of swearing. It is important to note however that pagan does not always equal pretentious, nor fuck.
It is still considered a hate crime and a health code violation to grind these sub-human life forms into sausage and market is as "Merry Meat" however according to Ernst Stavro Blofeld the sausage tastes quite interesting and mixes well with the blood of Christian babies. 
Should you be greeted in public by someone who would use this phrase simply smile and remember that not everyone is an asshat. If they turn out to be,in fact, an asshat; you may elect to use their intestines to quickly strangle them as they bleed to death, safe in the knowledge that they will probably be reincarnated as a House Elf from Harry Potter.
==See also==
* Wicca
* Republican
* Coven
Category:Clubs
Category:Occult
Category:Religious belief and doctrine
Category:Witch