Dolphin

Dolphins come from Miami, Florida and generally are this annoying gorgeous teal color, which ticks off some "Cetacea" literally being Latin for "huge fish". No kidding. who happen to live near the dolphins.
==Dolphin woo==
Lots of woo floats around about dolphins, perhaps because they constantly (seem to) smile, perhaps because they sing, or perhaps because they are really the possessors of the truth to the number 42.
Patient zero for dolphin woo appears to have been who experimented with dolphin communication while on ketamine in between getting the CIA to buy him LSD. Lilly designed a semiaquatic office that a female lab assistant could work in alongside the dolphins they were trying to teach linguistic communication. One of the dolphins eventually made it clear he wanted to have sex with her. It was discovered the dolphin actually performed much better on the tests when his linguistics teacher sexually satisfied him. Strangely, as soon as word got out about the incident, Dr. Lilly's funding and reputation were lost.http://mentalfloss.com/article/26483/4-bizarre-experiments-should-never-be-repeated
Many dolphin supremacists believe they are all intelligent and beautiful and peaceful; however, like many humans, dolphins are known to be vicious predatory bastards who will rape a wide assortment of creatures to death with a smile.The Dark Secrets That Dolphins Don't Want You to Know
At the same time, social and religious conservatives hate dolphins because they are proof that sex for pleasure is completely natural. They are also proof that icky things like masturbation, homosexuality, incest, paedophilia, rape, and inter-species sex are natural too, even in mothers.http://deepseanews.com/2013/02/10-reasons-why-dolphins-are-aholes/CNN: Amorous Dolphin Targets Human Swimmers Biological Exuberance: Animal Homosexuality and Natural Diversity, Bruce Bagemihl. Although conservatives hating an animal that seemingly goes to war with other dolphinsDolphins are 'so hungry they're turning on each other': Surf war breaks out in British seas, Daily Fail and on humanity's behalfDolphins Deployed to Persian Gulf (to the New Agers' consternation) seems a little illogical. Perhaps creationists hate them because they are a constant reminder of mammals' evolutionary adaptability.
Dolphin woo was parodied in one South Park episode where the character Gerald Broflovski idolizes dolphins and asks for "dolphinoplasty" surgery to become one.South Park - Gerald Is a Dolphin
==Dolphin facts==
Dolphins are vicious assholes who, like humans and house cats, murder other animals for fun as opposed to for food or territory. They have been witnessed bludgeoning their young to death.Dear God, they're exactly like us.
Among their wide assortment of assholish behaviors are intense ethnic cleansing campaigns against porpoises.https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/earth/earthnews/3323070/Killer-dolphins-baffle-marine-experts.html Seriously. Since porpoises are, among other things, too small to threaten dolphins, it seems dolphins are just sociopaths who know that nothing in the ocean and no human beings outside Japan and Denmark will ever take them to task.
Due to evolution being a cruel bastard, female bottlenose dolphins won't ovulate when rearing young, so male dolphins may murder her baby in order to later rape her.BBC This makes dolphins second in evil only to ducks.
Incestuous pregnancy is not uncommon amongst younger females, though this is less due to a choice to commit incest and more that the young females are not strong enough to resist rape by local males, which includes the male that raped her mother.
They're also known to hump people.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Ml5IjwLNe4https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j75KdkV7n2o Hide yo kids, hide yo wife!
==Ichthyosaurs==
Ichthyosaurs are not dolphins, but an excellent example of convergent evolution due to having lived in the same environmental niche, except hundreds of millions of years earlier. They were marine reptiles that were not dinosaurs, but coexisted peacefully with them. They died out around 90 million years ago. As colors are usually not preserved in the fossil record, the telltale sign which is which is the direction of the tail fin.
==See also==
*Mammal
*Goat
*Wolf hysteria
==External links==
*5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth
*Dolphins develop opposable thumbs
*This is the most hilarious dolphin woo BS ever to grace the web. A mirror of a defunct site that was once popular in the same way as Goatse.cx (Not safe for work.)
*Dolphins. Don't screw with 'em.
*The Dolphins and Teleportation Symposium, Hawaii, 2011. So much good on one single webpage.
*And now they're domesticating cats.
*Hey, where were you for all this time?
*So long and thanks for all the fish.
==Notes==
==References==
Category:Animals
Category:New Age
Category:Woo
Category:Sexuality