Wargaming historian

The Historians of Wargaming are (allegedly, perhaps) people tasked with conducting historical research for World of Tanks. They claim to care about historical accuracy when it comes to tanks, but their approach to historical materials is, let’s say, impressively creative. Their interpretation of history is so "flexible" that it often results in some truly mind-boggling choices regarding the selection of vehicles and their in-game characteristics. It’s less about history and more about whatever makes for flashy gameplay—or sells better.
==Origins==
In the early days of World of Tanks, Wargaming's so-called historians dove into the world of military engineering with remarkable enthusiasm—or at least into the part of it that existed on paper. Their research was, at the time, relatively “accurate,” assuming you define historical accuracy as including tanks that existed only as sketches on the back of a crumpled napkin or stuffed in some dusty drawer of an underpaid engineer. It was almost refreshing to witness how inventive they could be in breathing life into designs nobody in their right mind would have bothered with.
While many of these vehicles never left the drawing board, Wargaming somehow managed to conjure them into digital form, resulting in what could charitably be called “believable.” Back then, they still clung to a faint pretense of realism, even if said realism had the structural integrity of wet cardboard. After all, who cares about trivialities like battlefield functionality or whether the tank could even exist, as long as there was a tech tree to fill?
Their so-called historians exhibited an uncanny knack for digging up the most obscure, improbable tank projects imaginable—projects so obscure they might as well have been pulled out of someone’s ass. Hell, you could almost admire the audacity it took to re-invent history wholesale. They turned forgotten scribbles and doomed prototypes into frontline juggernauts, a talent that, in any other field, might’ve earned them a Nobel Prize in fiction or at least a sarcastic golf clap. It’s as if they set out to prove that history is just an interpretation—and they were the undisputed masters of bending it over a desk.
==Today==
In today’s gaming world, where truth and fiction blur seamlessly, Wargaming’s so-called historians tirelessly work to "enhance" the history of armored vehicles. These creative primates have apparently decided that historical accuracy is nothing but a dead weight, best ignored entirely. And so, they deliver brand-new tanks that allegedly held some place in history, despite existing solely in the depths of their overactive imaginations.
It’s genuinely impressive how Wargaming manages to present these vehicles as authentic, carefully woven into the fabric of history, even though their actual foundations are, to put it generously, shady as hell. Wargaming’s team of historical wizards takes a handful of components that may have existed, slaps on a generous helping of creative nonsense, and voilà – a new "historical" tank is born. To add insult to injury, every one of these Franken-tanks comes with a detailed backstory so convoluted and well-written, it almost makes you believe it’s real.
But here’s the kicker: these vehicles never existed in the form Wargaming presents. In their pursuit of making the game "more interesting," this team of clowns decided that history is just a big ball of Play-Doh, ready to be twisted, flattened, and stretched however they see fit. The result? Players encountering tanks that are paraded as real, but are actually nothing more than completely fabricated fantasies with zero historical basis. Wargaming shamelessly hoists these abominations onto a pedestal with the straightest of faces, expecting us to nod along.
For a historian, authentic research and respect for facts should be sacred. But in Wargaming’s monkey circus, it’s all turned into a bizarre game of historical dress-up, where what matters most is whether it looks cool and fits neatly into the tech tree. In this sense, Wargaming’s historians are undeniably innovative—they’re not just inventing tanks; they’re inventing entirely new versions of history so convincing that players are duped into believing these tanks could have existed. Because, really, who needs actual historical vehicles when we have something so much better—tanks that might have existed... if someone had just tried harder.
==Modus Operandi==
The modus operandi of an average Wargaming historian is a masterclass in creative reinterpretation, where reality serves merely as a starting point for their explorations into alternative history. These guys—if the term applies—function as a hybrid of treasure hunters and speculative fiction writers, operating under the belief that somewhere in the obscure corners of the internet or in a classified archive, there lies a tank design no one has ever heard of. And if such a design is not found, it is simply created from scratch.
Their workday begins with poring over old schematics and forgotten concepts, often dismissed by traditional historians as dead ends in engineering experimentation. However, for a Wargaming historian, these abandoned projects are fertile ground. When they uncover a never-built design or the fragment of an idea, their creative process begins in earnest. With a mixture of hypothetical extrapolation and game mechanics, they assemble a new tank concept that is then integrated into the game's universe.
Any component they discover—be it an engine, transmission, gun, or unrelated machinery—can be used as the foundation for their reconstructed vehicle. The fact that these parts were never designed to function together is treated as a minor obstacle. Technical limitations and physical laws are secondary to the overarching goal of crafting a functional and engaging in-game asset. In this context, the line between engineering and speculative design becomes blurred, allowing for the creation of vehicles that are theoretically plausible, if not physically or historically accurate.
The next step involves creating a narrative to support the inclusion of the vehicle. These narratives often feature intricate details and elaborate backstories, suggesting that the vehicle was part of a classified project, developed under unique circumstances, or based on advanced but undocumented technologies. This contextual framing provides an explanation for the vehicle's obscurity while also lending it a veneer of authenticity.
The result is a virtual representation of a tank that may have no direct historical counterpart but is designed to fit within the thematic framework of the game. While some may question the historical legitimacy of such creations, the overarching aim is to provide a compelling gameplay experience. By merging historical fragments with imaginative extrapolation, Wargaming historians produce vehicles that, while fictional, are presented as plausible entries in the annals of military engineering.
In this manner, Wargaming historians contribute to a reinterpretation of history that prioritizes engagement and narrative coherence over strict adherence to historical fact. Their work results in vehicles that occupy a unique space between historical authenticity and speculative design, enriching the game’s universe and offering players an experience that balances realism with creativity.
==Specs (WG Historian)==
WG Historian
Category 	Value 	Note
Height 	170–180 cm 	Physically average, but mentally operates on "lower levels" where logic and historical accuracy have been obliterated, as if a lobotomy erased any sense of reality.
Gender 	Indeterminate 	Their thought process is as ambiguous and chaotic as post-apocalyptic orgies between facts and fiction, resulting in total loss of connection to reality
Brain capacity 	Approximately the size of a pea, maybe seed 	The brain operates on autopilot, seemingly controlled by a chemtrails continuously pumping nonsense. It focuses solely on ideas that defy historical and mechanical reality.
IQ 	Begins with a decimal point and sometimes drops into negative values. 	Applying historical facts further lowers IQ to levels where designs emerge that would not make sense even in a low-budget sci-fi movie.
Visual aucity 	Extreme selective blindness. 	Anything real or factual remains invisible to them. A real historical tank in front of them would likely be dismissed as outdated and "improved" with lasers or rocket launchers.
Memory 	Fits on the head of a pin. 	Historical events and technical details vanish instantly, leaving only room for fantasies about tanks equipped with flamethrowers or supersonic rockets.
Decision making 	Decisions are guided by a "RNG button," inherited post-lobotomy. 	The sole priority is "How can this be made even more absurd?" History, reality, and logic are obstacles to be ignored or obliterated.
Sense of history	History is seen as an obstacle to creativity, twisted or ignored at will.	Historical accuracy is the last concern, far behind absurd weaponry and fictional technologies, dismissed as inconvenient relics of pre-lobotomy thinking.
==Some weird-ass tanks==
Vehicle 	Image	Nation 	Class 	WoT description 	Historical basis 	WG creation 	Result 	Historical reference
Batignolles-Chatillon Bourrasque	 	France 	Medium tank 	"A project of a French tank developed by Batignolles-Châtillon. The vehicle was to receive a two-man turret upgraded to accommodate a 105 mm gun. Existed only in blueprints." 	Based on the Batignolles-Chatillon 12t chassis (1940s-1950s). 	Mounted the turret from the Panhard ERC 90 (introduced in 1977), an armored reconnaissance vehicle, onto a chassis designed decades earlier. 
Equipped with the CN 105-57 gun (from 1957), creating a mix of components spanning three decades.	Historically incoherent hybrid. In real life, this would likely result in severe mechanical incompatibilities due to mismatched weight distribution, recoil forces, and armor needs.	frameless
Lorraine 50t 	 	France 	Heavy tank 	"A project for a French medium tank developed in the 1950s. It included mounting a 120 mm gun on the hull and chassis of another experimental tank, the Lorraine 40 t, which was being tested at the same time. The project was discontinued at the blueprints stage." 	Derived from the Lorraine 40t chassis, intended for light/medium tanks. 	Added the TCB turret, originally designed for the AMX 50 project, with a massive 120mm gun. 
The lightweight Lorraine chassis would be incapable of handling such immense stress and recoil.	Physically unfeasible design. In reality, the tank’s suspension and overall structural integrity would collapse under such weight and stress. 	
Panhard EBR 105 	 	France 	Light tank 	"A variant of the Panhard EBR armored vehicle with more powerful armament. It featured improved suspension and the two-man GIAT TS 90 turret, upgraded to accommodate a 105 mm gun. The vehicle never saw mass production, nor entered service." 	Based on the reconnaissance vehicle Panhard EBR, historically equipped with a modest 200 HP engine.	Replaced the engine with a 720 HP version, a 3.6× increase, resulting in a vehicle that would be mechanically uncontrollable at high speeds. 
Upgraded the armament to a 105mm cannon (1950s) mounted in a turret from the 1970s.	Mechanically absurd. Such modifications would result in a highly unstable and unwieldy machine, failing to fulfill its intended reconnaissance role. 	frameless
Conqueror Gun Carriage 	 	United Kingdom 	Self-propelled gun	"A proposal to mount a 234-mm howitzer on the chassis of the Conqueror. The power unit was placed in the front. Existed only in blueprints." 	Based on the Conqueror heavy tank (1950s) and FV3805 SPG prototype. 	Mounted a 9.2-inch BL Mark II howitzer (234mm) from 1916, completely unsuited for the chassis. 
Powered by a Rolls-Royce Griffon aircraft engine, originally used in the Spitfire.	Unrealistic engineering fantasy. The combined weight, recoil, and lack of structural compatibility would render this machine practically inoperable. 	
Progetto 35 Modello 1946 	 	Italy 	Medium tank 	"Conceptualization of a draft design developed at the request of General Francesco Rossi who believed that only light vehicles weighing up to 35 tons would be effective in a new war. Such an innovative design was not approved; development was discontinued when Italy joined the Standard Tank project."	Loosely inspired by an Italian post-war tank concept with a 75mm gun. Actually by Francesco Rossi. 	Armed with the American 90mm T119 gun, which historically lacked automatic loading. 
Added a three-round autoloader, despite no historical precedent. 
Equipped with an Isotta Fraschini ID-36 engine, a marine engine from the 1980s, decades after the chassis’s design. 
Hull and turret designs are entirely fictional.	A historical fiction. Combines disparate and historically unrelated components into a purely fantastical creation. 	
59-Patton 	 	Chinese People Republic	Medium tank 	"After 1960, Chinese government launched the development of a new tank. The engineering experiments included a wide use of previously produced Type 59 tanks. One vehicle was equipped with the turret, gun, and fire control system of an American M48A3 tank." 	Combines the hull of the Type 59 tank with the turret of the M48 Patton. 	Both tanks have different turret ring diameters, making the configuration physically impossible without extensive structural re-engineering.	A theoretically impossible design. The required adjustments for compatibility would be so extensive that it would essentially require a new tank design. 	
53TP Markowskiego 	 	Poland 	Heavy tank 	"A proposed plan for a heavy tank that was to be developed in 1940. Due to the outbreak of World War II, development was discontinued at the blueprints stage." 	Supposedly based on a Polish heavy tank project, but in reality, no such project existed. 	The design is based on forged documents and blueprints. 
Presented even in-game with several inaccuracies: 
A hull and turret that significantly differ from the alleged blueprints. 
The gun, gun mantlet, and commander’s cupola are all incorrectly implemented. 
Uses the fictional designation "53TP," despite the historical inaccuracy of applying this naming convention to Polish vehicles. 
Includes fictional variants like "53TP variant I and II."	Entirely fictional design. Even the forged basis for this tank has been altered significantly, making it a double layer of historical inaccuracy. 	
== If you want.... ==
If you love butchering history and want to join Wargaming, you’ll need to make a few adjustments to yourself. Follow these steps:
=== 1. Get a fucking lobotomy ===
Remove any capacity for critical thinking, logic, or self-respect. Thinking about the bullshit you’re creating might lead you to ask questions no one at Wargaming bothers with:
* “Does this combination of parts even make sense?”
* “Was this weapon even invented when this tank was supposedly designed?”
* “Am I contributing to the complete bastardization of military history?”None of these questions matter in your new role. After your lobotomy, you’ll happily glue together 1930s tank chassis, 1970s turrets, and 1950s guns like a drunk toddler playing with Lego.
=== 2. Shit yourself, literally ===
No metaphors here. Drop your pants and let loose. Why? Because that’s the level of care and precision you’ll bring to your "historical research." Every fake tank blueprint, every mismatched turret, and every nonsensical module is as sloppy and foul as the pile of shit you’re now sitting in. Wargaming thrives on this—pure, undiluted garbage masquerading as "historical accuracy."
=== 3. Piss yourself ===
Once you’re done shitting, it’s time to add a generous layer of piss to the mix. This is a necessary step to complete your transformation into someone who genuinely doesn’t give a fuck about history, logic, or basic human decency. In Wargaming, standing in your own piss-soaked mess is a metaphor for your work ethic: unapologetically lazy and completely devoid of effort.
=== 4. Die slowly and irreversibly ===
After years of slapping together vehicles that never existed and never could exist, your soul will inevitably rot away. You’ll leave behind a legacy of laughable, historically inaccurate monstrosities that will haunt real historians for decades. But it won’t matter—you’ll be too far gone to care.
=== What Your New Role Entails ===
* Fabricating tanks out of pure bullshit Your job is to take random pieces of history, mash them together, and call it a tank. 1930s designs with 1980s turrets? Sure. Guns that would tear the suspension apart with their recoil? Why not? It doesn’t have to make sense; it just has to look cool and sell well in-game.
* Shitting on real historians When experts point out that your "research" is laughable, just shrug and throw around phrases like “classified documents” or “lost blueprints.” Nobody can fact-check you, and your audience doesn’t care. Wargaming’s motto: if it sounds vaguely plausible, it’s good enough.
* Defying the laws of physics Suspension strength, weight distribution, recoil absorption—none of these matter. You’ll create tanks that would crumble under their own weight, flip over at the first bump, or explode from firing their own guns. But as long as it looks badass, players will eat it up.
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