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Plotonium

Plotonium is one of the more idiosyncratic elements under the modern Idiotic Table of the Elements. If left unattended, Plotonium will often decay to form Chrysanthemum. However, there are several known ways to prevent this waste.
== Chemical Properties ==
Plotonium, like other Onanistic elements, is highly unreactive. In most cases will only interact with itself. This metal is known to be highly magnetic, and items containing high concentrations of plotonium are naturally drawn to each other by coincidences which would otherwise be highly unlikely.it is also very good with pancakes.
== Creation ==
Plotonium is known to be naturally produced in the blood-stream of some people. This is considered to be a genetic disorder, as evidenced by the fact that it is more likely to manifest in the youngest sons of inbred royal families. In addition, some types of mind-control are believed to produce plotonium as a by-product.
== Historical Use ==
Plotonium has traditionally been used in the manufacture of magical swords. Its strength also makes it perfect for reinforcing secret underground bases. Plotonium bromides have also been found to make good ink, being highly smudge-resistant. However, the high cost means that these specialist tinctures are only normally used for drawing blueprints of the utmost importance, such as those for giant robots and doomsday devices.
== Present Day Uses ==
In more recent times, a number of firms specialising in anime accessories have created cosmetics, especially hair wax, containing large quantities of the element. This is possibly advanced as the reason why characters with more complex hairstyles are correspondingly more likely to stumble across the plans of an evil villain, or to find an enchanted weapon, according to the principle of like attracts like.
In addition, the protective properties of plotonium have attracted a lot of research recently. It is now believed that as well as being unbreakable, a door made of plotonium will resist most heroes' clairvoyant and teleporting abilities until such time as the plot deems it appropriate for them to get through. Scientists are still conducting experiments to determine whether walls made of plotonium will exhibit the same properties.
Further experimentation has shown that plotonium can vary in strength for no apparent reason; for example, when two similar pieces of plotonium are exposed to the same explosion, one may shatter while the other does not. The only difference between the two is the hero using the unbroken one for cover.
== Speculation ==
Some have theorised that the Stargate may also be made of plotonium. However, they don't want you to know that.
Category: Materials Category: Chemistry
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Category:Uncyclopedia
Category:Crap
Pneumatic Goat Launcher

thumb|right|200px|Course this dude is kinda cheating, but whatever.
The Pneumatic Goat Launcher (or PGL, closely related to the PGA, and licensed under the GPL) was invented in 1950 by two very bored people with an axe to grind. Stemming from a discussion about the origin of the phrase "to blow goats," it was quickly discovered to be a source of unparalleled humor.
==Key Features==
The immediate success of the Pneumatic Goat Launcher is widely accredited to the ability of the operator to mention "PGL" in an otherwise acronym-poor sentence. Other critics insist it's the goat factor that's to be blamed for its popularity, as well as the distinctive "THWOOOOMP. ... ... ... BAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" sound. Regardless of the cause, the PGL has become known as an overnight cultural sensation, and is increasingly becoming the center of every party.
 
==Military Research and Development==
Because the PGL was primarily developed for use as a weapon, it is currently being researched for a variety of military uses. The Pneumatic Barricade Destroyer (a la goats, of course) is the most common currently out on the battlefield. It's the exact same thing as a typical household PGL, simply targeted at any and all barricades. Developments presently under scrutiny are the PGL Hovercraft and hand PGLs for fast infantry. Although scientists over in Area 51 were unavailable for comment, an unnamed general was overheard shouting "Goat them from orbit; it's the only way to be sure!" 
==Global Warming Applications==
It is suspected that Pneumatic Goat Launchers in association with Al Gore have a great potential to solve the global warming problem. The argument is for introducing a system of enormous Pneumatic Goat Launchers to send goats into the upper atmosphere, where they will freeze (see Pneumatic Frozen Goat Launcher) and return to Earth with their goaty coolness, thus cooling the atmosphere. Additionally, sufficiently powerful PGLs may be able to launch goats into orbit in sufficient quantities to obscure the sunlight and shield us from the sun's deadly rays. This has also been speculated to make a wonderful substitute for the Ozone Layer. The earth's orbit is a delicate balance of gravity and mass. The Pneumatic Goat Launcher can completely throw off this balance with the speed the goat is launched into the air (twice the speed of light). Do not worry, there have been some cases where the space time continuum has been damaged from the Pneumatic Goat Launcher.
==See Also==
* Why?:Take Your Fish To Work
* Porcupine in a stocking
* Sheep Launcher (PSL) (The Kiwi answer to the PGL)
* Kitten Cannon
Category:Projectile weapons
Category:Quaint
Category:Things That Will Kill You
Category:Things that go Boom
Category:Goats
Category:Blood Sports
Pocket

Pockets are naturally occurring entities in pants, dinner jackets, possums, opossums, buttoned shirts, extra-large brassieres, and kangaroos. Because of the ravages of natural selection, some pockets have become highly skilled in the art of camouflage and can lurk just about anywhere while carrying immense quantities of illegal drugs and unmarked credit cards. Pockets have been used since the beginning of time for the short-term storage of stuff, small things, and other crap. Empty pockets may be used for the temporary warming of cold hands and the popular sport of pocket pool. However, everybody knows the main reason pockets exist is so that men can "ajust" their genitals in public without anybody noticing, or at least give men the feeling that no one knows what they are doing. Everybody of course does. 
== In Females ==
The pocket is non-existent in the majority of females. This i=often assumed to be because it causes them to look bulkier, obscuring their curves. Therefore, men are less likely to mate with them, and via the power of natural selection, most females lack pockets. However, this is only the "formal" explanation, supported by "science".
=== Яussian Conspiracy ===
According to Kooky Mel, since the dawn of time, Яussians have been on a secret campaign to rid the world of all pockets. They have focused on eliminating them from females due to them being less protective of their body parts. They have collaborated with Queen Elizabeth, fashion cartels, the god of ears, and Larry to achieve nigh total elimination of women's pockets.
==See Also==
*Pocket monster
*Pocket pussy
*Pocket dictionary
Category:Fashion
Pocket pussy

If you are a cat lover and always wondered why there were so many "purse puppies" with no kitty version, wonder no longer. Pocket pussies are the smallest and cutest kittens in the world and they come in many different breeds (short and long hair).The Napolean is a pocket pussy bred for its big beautiful eyes and long silky coat– a unique mix of Persian and Munchkin. These kittens are healthy, happy pussies that just happen to be pocket-size.
Many generations of careful breeding has brought us the teacup and toy versions of animals. This sort of thing hasn't really been done in the Feline world because most breeders want medium to large pussies for showing. What the toy breeds have done for dog popularity hopefully the pocket pussy will do for cats.
==Not all miniature cats are alike!==
Most teacup kittens are made by inbreeding runts. This method creates dwarves, so a teacup kitten is really a midget cat. It can be easy to mistake a teacup kitten for a pocket pussy, but an average teacup kitten will weigh about 3–6 pounds and a pocket pussy will be about 1–2. It is important that when you are shopping for a pocket pussy that you not consider only its weight because many breeders will tell you a runt teacup kitten is a pocket pussy, but in reality it is just undersized. Take care to make sure that you do not get fooled when shopping for a pocket pussy.
: When looking for a pocket pussy it is important to remember that they are always cute and small as kittens, but eventually they will become full-grown trowser cats. So make sure that you choose the pocket pussy you would like to own for a long, long time before making the commitment. 
==See also==
*Adult toys
*Kitten vaping
==References==
Category:Cats
Category:Kittens
Category:Sex
Pocky

Pocky is a popular Japanese food product produced by the Japanese company Ezaki Glico Company of Japan. It is designed to increase the size of a man's penis.
==Characteristics==
Pocky are long, phallic bread sticks coated with chocolate. The bottom is left uncoated so that the consumer will be able to suck the pocky without getting his or her hands sticky. Pocky can be eaten slowly, sometimes by licking the sweet coating off before continuing on to finish the core, or more quickly, with a merciless approach that aims to bring as much pleasure as possible in a short time.
People loved them so much they wrote a song about it.
==Cultural Differences==
===Western Culture===
Men of western cultures generally try to increase the size of their dong with pills and other sterile medical methods. This makes them feel better about themselves, and makes women compulsively desire sex with them. Taking these pills is a very common practice in western countries - a recent study found that 999 out of every 1000 males over the age of 3 in the US take penis enlargement supplements - but is rarely a public affair. For some reason, the practice is thought to be embarrassing, despite the effect it has on women.
===Eastern Culture (Pocky)===
In place of pills, the men, and indeed, women of eastern countries such as Japan and Korea consume Pocky. Most scientists believe pocky is more effective than pills and everybody can agree that it is certainly more delicious. People can be found in many places publicly eating pocky; in a boat, with a goat, in a goat, in the rain, on a train, in the dark, in a car or a tree, in a box, with a fox, in a house, with a mouse, here, there, and even anywhereDr. Seuss - Green Eggs and Ham. 
It is unknown what effect pocky has on females.
==Ode to the Pocky==
<youtube> https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8IXkyMMVVP0 </youtube>
==See also==
*Penis Enlargement Techniques
==Footnotes==
Category:Penis
Category:Japan
Category:Food
Category:Weapons
ja:ポッキー
Poet Laureate

A Poet Laureate, or Low Rate Poet, is a person who has convinced themselves, usually through the use of drugs and/or alcohol, that people want to hear or read their psychobabble. Low Rate Poets have paraded around for centuries attempting to convince others of their greatness, never realizing that all they had to do to be recognized was die. Death: Life takes it's toll.
==Origin of the Term==
Because there have been so many Artist Laureates, or Low Rate Artists throughout history, the people that actually do something for society were required to divide them up into groups. The Low Rate Painters were hired to paint churches, and Low Rate Poets were hired to write history books in a way no one can understand. It is believed that the Bible and the Koran were written by the same Low Rate Poet. Jack Black: I know EVERYTHING!
==Low Rate Poets in History==
===William Blake===
William Blake, commonly known as that creepy guy at church, would ingest copious amounts of hallucinogenic substances and write poems about the Bible. On the final of his many "trips" William traveled cross-country by train to take an imaginary job in a town called Machine located just south west of the American Frontier. After being shot for laying with his would be boss's son's wife, William wandered off into the woods to die with the Indians. To this day nobody cares. Dead Man: You must become one to be a true poet.
===Charles Bukowski===
Probably the only poet that never had a drink in his life Chuck is only remembered for his brief cameo in a Modest Mouse song. Had he chosen to drink and lust for women, he may have had a chance at writing something meaningful. His largest drawback was waiting till the age of 72 to die.
===Edgar Allan Poe===
Poe spent the majority of his years as a wine-guzzling bricklayer named Montresor. He wrote several self help books and over one hundred inspirational poems. The public was first alerted to his existence when it was discovered that he had murdered his uncle and buried him under the floorboards of their home. The police were alerted to the corpse when neighbors complained of a loud heart beat sound originating from under the home.
Poe was tried by a court of his peers and was sentenced to death by pendulum. His works were discovered and published by family members shortly following his death.
===William Shakespeare===
Neither literate nor articulate, William Shakespeare relied heavily on his 100 pet monkeys and their typewriters. It is widely reported that Yoda learned English by reading his novels. Nobody would give a shit about ol' Bill if he didn't die in a fire, started by his monkeys, during an orgiastic writing ceremony.
===Homer===
Homer, author of long and boring books such as the Odyssey, lives today with his wife and 3 children in Springfield. Most people have never heard of him, as he has yet to die.
===Vincent van Gogh===
Van Gogh may be a Low Rate Artist, but he deserves mention here because he did drink so much absinthe that he cut his own ear off. How fucking poetic. Oh yea, he is also dead.
==Low Rate Poets on Uncylopedia==
*
==References==
Category:Literature
Category:Poetry
Poetic justice

Poetic Justice is when justice is carried out with poetry. In court, for example, the defendant, plaintiff, justice, lawyers and jury all have to perform the whole trial in poetry or in rhyming prose. Blank verse is not permitted.
This can be done at the defendant's request (and amusement). Or, if the justice hearing the trial wishes it, whether or not the defendant wants it.
==Examples==
This is the opening line by the justice presiding over a court hearing. The defendant was accused of money laundering, fraud and murdering Mr. Snail: 
The defendant shall now rise
And give reason for their lies
And to this end must tell the truth
As would be done in a confession booth
And now,
The court shall hear their point of view
Before hearing that of the other side too:
Defendant:
"I cannot say what I thought
On that night of despair,
But for certain I did not intend
To get caught in the act, there.
Hidden are the words of description
For me to give an accurate depiction
Of the events that led to the deed
But 'not guilty' I do plead."
Judge:
Now come in, ye 'ccuser of the man,
For accuséd he be of a plan
Of cheating and murdering poor Snail.
If be so he shall go to jail.
Prosecutor:
Twas the seventeenth of May
I remember as though yesterday:
After bloody work he committed
To the church he admitted.
All I could hear was crying
Yet I know he was lying
He was not really sorry
Of murder and laund'ry.
Defendant:
Lies! All lies! I'm sorry I say,
If its money your after,
I can certainly pay
Or kittens - whatever your fancy
I know a supplier
But I implore you;
I AM NO LIAR!!
Judge:
Bribery as well,
My, my what a show
You've dealt to your case
A serious blow
==Poetic justices==
The best poetic justices and lawyers are Vogons as their poetry, even in judicial language, is the 33rd best poetry in the galaxy. Appeals are rare, as appellate court judges can rarely bear to read the transcripts. You see, the poetry judges are all Vogons, and a Vogon's idea of what is good poetry is unlike that of any other member of any other race in the multiverse.
==The truth==
We the klakmarts are the number one poets in this miserable little universe so nyaa
==Disclaimer==
Frankly, almost none of this is true. But I'm not telling what.
==External Link==
Lord Denning, poetic Justice extraordinaire
category:Poetry
category:Law
Poetry Universe

thumb|200px|The Poetry Universe, as seen from Heaven
The Poetry Universe lies 10 miles west of the Galaxy far far away. It contains all poets great and small. It is only accessible via your own TARDIS (other good quality Space-Time-Travelling devices are available) or the B-52 Wormhole in aisle 5 of your local Sainsbury's. 
==Discovery==
It was first discovered by Captain Janeway of the USS Voyager in the year 1235 AD when she took her crew shopping for supplies for a "long trip", as commanded to by God. God had correctly seen that a female Starfleet Captain was obviously going to get her starship lost 70,000 light years from Earth, encounter the Borg to make things interesting, and conveniently get home exactly 7 years later when the televised documentary of her voyage can to the end of its 7-season contract. Typical.
It was at the end of the debacle that Lord-of-all-lords Roddenberry decided he would have no further truck with women drivers.
==The Poetry Wars==
At some point in time, probably last week, there was a great war involving the The Poetic Alliance and the Borg. The Borg invaded the poetry universe in order to assimilate all poetic knowledge known to man. When they arrived, however, they found that all the best poets were living on a council estate in Swindon, and the only thing worth assimilating was a ham-sandwich left on Seamus Heaney's kitchen table. They decided to wipe out all life before moving on to the Marvel Universe to assimilate the X-Men. Doctor Who quickly arrived before any damage could be done, luckily! He injected himself with one of those pathogens from Star Trek that the EMH is always creating out of nano-probes (whatever they are), and allowed Locutus of Borg to assimilate him, resulting in the complete and utter destruction of the Borg Collective, until the next time anyway.
==Notable Landmarks==
===Planets===
* Haikoo
* Acrostica
* Limereek
* World of Palindrome of World
* Tennos
* Mars
* Ode II
* Ode III
* Omicron Persei 8
* Rhyme Prime
===Supermarkets===
* Tesco
* Tesco Extra
* Tesco Metro
* Tesco Express
* Morrison's
* Heaney & Sons
===Attractions===
* The Eastern Lights
* Moma's Little Blackhole
* Orion's Asteroid Belt
* Disneyland Paris
==Inhabitants - Past, Present, and Future==
* Ivor Cutler
* Marcus Mayo
* Seamus Heaney
* Paul Muldoon
* William Shakespeare
* Tony Barrell
* Oscar Wilde
* Captain Kirk
* Rose Tyler
* Pete, from Big Brother 7
* Darth Maul
* Roald Dahl
* Will Smith
* Noel Coward
* Pam Ayres
* T.S. Eliot
* K-9
* Kol, the Overlord of Poetry
* Mother Theresa
* The Cybermen
Category:Alternative universes
Pokemon Kid

A Pokemon Kid is a disease of which now contaminates kindergarden kids and that creepy old man that lives three houses down from you. You know the one, from that time when you were 6 and he offered to show you his Pokemon cards?
=History=
Back in 1995 when Notorious B.I.G. was shot by a rival posse and John Glenn's old ass went into space to find some Bengay, an evil sorceror named Shigeru Miyamoto and his minions summoned a game from the netherrelm to eat kids minds because Nintendo thought Mario was a sell-out.FAKE.
That game he produced was Pokemon Blue and/Red, and with it he succeeded. With its ability for children to capture slaves on a Game Boy and kill shit, it would take root into the child's mind and grow larger, even to the eventual takeover of a once powerful empire that defeated that same evil place from which the game came from, which was the reason the game was created there in the first place but that's another story.
The poor victims of this plague of evil came under a cloak of delusion that they caught all of the monsters in the game they would get to go through puberty. Soon the whole world was under its power and countries began to fall. From the ashes few people went unscathed, but most were still under its influence, but eventually when they grew up there grew out of it, which is something that the evil men at Nintendo forgot to realize, but there are remnants of the Pokemon craze, since it is still addicting to some.
==Stages of The Disease==
There at many different stages to this disease, all of which are hazardous to everyone's' health. They start with screaming about Pikachu (see: shit), or asking each other to trade for the same Pokemon, so they can build an army of Mewtwos (see: Nazis). The next stage of the disease involves quoting popular phrases from the games and shows, the most popular being the infamous "POKEMON COME BEFORE MONEY OR FAMILY" from Ruby & Sapphire.
In advanced stages of the disease, one may exhibit extremes of disillusion, and may turn into a raging homo. However, there have been exceptions to that last symptom. Some people actually maintain straightness, but this is only if they go into a stage called Extreme Hormonal Discharge (EHD). In EHD, the subject will usually go into shock, get a huge erection from watching the girls on Pokemon, then eventually become unconscious. Once out of the coma, they may end up going online to look at pictures of the hot female characters, usually masturbating every time. BUT BEWARE! About 80% of the people who go through EHD usually have lower testosterone levels once they are stabilized. However, it is possible to undergo hormone therapy once treatment begins.
==Treatment==
If there is anyone you care about that is suffering from this disease, you can give them help by burning anything that has Pokemon or anything relating to on it. Sure they may fiend for it and start humping your leg while shouting Pokemon moves at you, but they'll eventually come around and may even thank you.
==See also==
* Pokemon 
* The Logic Of Pokemon
* DeviantArt