nyuuzyou/wikis huggingface dataset:
Scarlett Johansson

thumb|400px|She is so thoughtful, so focused. I wish I knew what she is really thinking? ("Do cows have fins, like fish, or can they swim backwards? What does roller derby mean? Can water freeze, or was someone pulling my leg?")
Scarlett Johansson (born November 22, 1984) is a Bollywood actress, the girl next door, and a gayfish. She is the co-founder of the Stupid People Society (SPC). She gives amazing head, and will swallow your cum if you ask nicely. Her big, soft tits are also suitable for catching a load.
==Early history==
Scarlett Johansson is the daughter of two Danish people(most probably Peter Schmeichel and Knud Rasmussen), but was soon awarded American citizenship due to being ignorant of the political map of the world. At the age of 20, she was asked by Danish President H.C. Andersen whether Kiwi was a continent, which she failed to answer, although she knew it was. That made her fellow Danes export her to the US locked in a box full of lettuce. There she worked at a McDonald's restaurant as a giant chicken, and later, as a giant taxi driver. This bred little success, however, as she was dishonorably discharged from the Taxi Corps when her superiors found out she often drove clients as far away as Mexico due to her poor geographical knowledge, where they often fell victim to drug traffic. Later on, she began auditioning for theatrical roles and met director Woody Allen in a New York cafe, thus starting a successful acting career. Said acting career has been helped along majorly by the fact that she has nice big tits.
==Rise to stardom==
Johansson decided to pursue a career in movies due to her unnatural obsession with Ewan McGregor. As a gerantophile (a person who is sexually attracted to older people), she quickly fell in love with ancient jedi master McGregor. After co-starring in both Match Point and The Island, however, their romance proved to be short-lived, as Johansson learned her partner was of Scottish origin, or as she said: "Those communist b-stards!"
==Political views==
Johansson took part in numerous campaigns, promising her fans she would star in a Star Wars film if Bush was not re-elected. After failing to reach her goal, she demonstrated her disapproval of voting systems, claiming "There should be some way the majority of people could elect who became president. Like writing the name on a sheet of paper. It would be awesome."
==Stupid People Society==
In 2004, Johansson helped found the Stupid People Society along with Tom Cruise, Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, Tiger Woods and Amy Whinehouse. Their first big project was launching the iPad in North Korea. Unfortunately the attempt failed as North Koreans have no concept of pads.
Category:American actresses
Category:American musicians
Category:Singers
Category:Hot Babes You Don't Have A Chance With
Category:People you should never leave your boyfriend alone with
Category:People you should never leave your girlfriend alone with
Category:Stuff that lonely men masturbate over
Category:Things you'll find wandering the streets of New York City.
fr:Scarlett Johansson
it:Scarlett Johansson
pt:Scarlett Johansson
Scary Things that live in the Forest

When most people think of the forest, they think of cute little mammals like the ever-present white-tailed deer, the irresistibly delicious chihuahua or other things like the badger. True, these animals do in fact live in some forests, but what most people don't know is that for every cute or not horribly unpleasant animal there are at least 17 hopelessly violent, flesh-eating and/or incredibly malevolent monsters as well that are not usually considered to exist but which in fact do because someone said so or because we feel like they should. 
These animals are unlike any other sort of animal except for cheetahs or jellyfish in that they are scary. Very scary. These mysterious creatures are so scary they scare other scary things like dinosaurs (which themselves were pretty damn scary) and six-armed gang-raping fire-breathing space monkeys. So yes, if you hadn't picked up on this yet, they are very scary animals. Even hyenas fear the scary things that live in the forest.
==What do the scary things that live in the forest eat?==
There are very few things that the scary things that live in the forest will or won't eat. Usually, they like to eat babies and corn chowder but have no qualms against eating turtles, clover or hedgehogs.
==Where do the scary things that live in the forest live?==
The scary things that live in the forest invariably may and/or may not live in the forest, unless they do and/or do not which is always.
==What ever am I to do if confronted by a scary thing that lives in the forest?==
Scary things that live in the forest do not usually attack human beings, but then again are not unknown to tear off all of their limbs and gouge out their eyes with plastic spoons. If this happens, it is best to remain calm and wait for the eight or nine hour long attack to relent. When the scary thing that lives in the forest has moved on, it is now safe to seek assistance. This is when ducks come in handy.
==What kind of things that live in the forest are considered scary?==
Over nine percent of all of the scary things that live in the forest are either bears, abnormally large vegetables or gigantic blood-sucking moths. Around four percent are larger than average birds with sharp teeth and another two or three percent is made up of panthers with three ears. All other scary things are either old toasters manufactured between 1987 and 2002, macadamia nuts, grossly overweight sled dogs with flesh-eating diseases that leave them horribly disfigured and the occasional jet-propelled weasel or blue cactus that shoots flames at old people.
Category:Scary
Category:Things that may be out to get you
Scenery

Scenery, Co. Cork, Ireland, is a beautiful part of the world. Famous for its friendly people, nonsensical signs and road-works, it attracts thousands of tourists every year. Its rustic appeal is enhanced by the car horns that sound all day long and the numerous green areas strewn with litter. It is said that Scenery was blessed by Venus, the Goddess of love and fertility, hence the area's vast supply of cheap hookers and used condoms.
== History of the Area ==
Scenery was officially accepted as part of the Irish Free State in 1942. Previously, it had been part of Austria but had fled in 1939, fearing persecution from the Nazis. It made it's way to Ireland in the horrid squalor of an Aer Lingus 737 (1st Class), a gruelling journey lasting two and a half-hours. There was even slight turbulence as they passed over the north of France. Once in Ireland, it applied for Irish citizenship. After two re-applications to the High Court, it was granted citizenship and asylum. Immigration requirements have been tightened up recently. Irish law now states "If a person arrives in Ireland without proper documents, they will be sent home. If a person is born in Ireland to non-Irish parents, then they will be sent away. If a person is born in Ireland to parents who have ever left the country, they will be refused citizenship. If you are born in Ireland, you will not automatically have citizenship and may be deported." The current Irish population is 17.
== Scenery in Recent Years ==
Scenery has not done anything interesting in recent years, though it has allowed 5 people to move onto it. It is now located north of Cork City.
== Local Celebrities ==
*Gavrilo Princip (the guy who shot Franz Ferdinand);
*George Foreman (grill);
*Christopher Walken (alleged actor, awaiting trial);
*Ronald "WD40" Reagan (fundamentalist leader);
*Dan Quayle (inventor of potatos™).
Category: Geography
Scented candles

Scented candles are deadly biological weapons invented by the British during the Battle of Hastings that women think freshen the air in their homes. By burning the wick, the wax/toxin mixture melts and releases a pathogenic vapor that only men can detect. Thousands of men have died due to prolonged exposure to Scented Candles, and those who have not died all now have cancer. If you are one of the many men suffering from cancer due to PESC, our law firm may be able to help. 
__TOC__
==History and Origin==
In 1066, during that battle when France actually won, the British militia was a ragtag potpourri of misfits that sat there, cleaning their ears with muzzle loaders whilst being fired upon by France. When an Englishman was finished removing his earwax, he just so happened to scratch his underarm, and the bright idea of putting the stench inside of the wax struck him. He collected all the men's earwax and odor, lit it on fire, and threw it in the general direction of where he assumed the French would be. When some Frenchmen approached, they encountered the horrid smell and yelled, in Franglish a.k.a. old Canadian, "L'odeur est très mauvaise!" This translates to "The smell, it is bad" Don't believe me? Look it up. After this, ultimately, all smelly, wax-like substances that you catch on fire became known as scented candles.
Scented candles were also used in America's Fourth Worst Decision, only this time against the British. The Yankee Condom, Ammunition, Newspaper, Diaper and Lighter Company provided much of New England's guns and bullets, but ran out of materials rather quickly. To make up for lost ammunition, the Yankee Company mixed the substances they had left over from the other products and put it in Benjamin Franklin's invention the Mix-o-Matic, and out popped a scented candle. In the late 1800s, the Yankee CANDL Company bought out Thomas Edison in an attempt to add Electricity to their products, making them the Yankee CANDLE Company. However, Nikola Tesla burned down the factory and stole the manufacturing patent from Yankee Candle Co. This forced the company to settle on what they knew best, making candles.
==Use in religion==
Scented candles were first introduced to Christianity by Swedish vicar Frank Incense as a method of forcing men to sit at the back in groups during services. This Candlemass of men who were unprotected by their women allowed the church verger to accost them for donations for the leaking church roof. 
During communion candles were also burnt near the sacrament as a measure to reduce the number of male children willing to return to ask for second helpings. 
When other major religions including Islam, Gaia, Judaism and Jedi noticed the segregating advantages of scented candles most followed suit and started using them themselves in various ways to control men.
==See also==
*Battle of the Sexes
*Candlemass
*Death
*Cancer
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Note: The Yankee Candle Co. has nothing to do with that Paul Revere / "one by land, two by sea"-thing. Those were UNscented candles. Those are okay.
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Category:Conspiracies
Category:Philosophy
Category:Politics by issue
Category:Sex
Schick

Schick is one of the leading producers of shaving equipment in the developed world. Celebrities such as Jordan and Ozzy Osbourne have promoted the company, which is also one of the leading voices in the struggle against male pattern hairiness.
==Origins==
Schick corporation was founded by the Right Reverend Holy Schick in 1945. The reverend had long held interest in creating an organization that would pay equal attention to correct shaving practises and Christian morality.
The first 1000 purchasers of Schick razors were rewarded with a free hymnal, and a year's subscription to the magazine 'New Jesus'. This move was condemned by a couple of old fogies, including the esteemed film director Pier Paolo Pasolini, who described the fucking disgrace as "quite unacceptable, in my humble opinion".
Faced with the prospect of angry letters, the Reverend Schick fled to the island nation of Nauru, where he reopened the business, sans the Christian connotations.
==New Ownership==
The reverend was assassinated by the CIA died peacefully in his sleep in 1958. The company passed into the hands of his next-door neighbour, Mr. Smackhead, the dope fiend. Smackhead was to revolutionise the shaving industry by producing razors with pink handles, a move that made Schick a household name throughout the world. However, the company still had its detractors: a 1964 OH&S inquiry found that the product was highly likely to be defective. Numerous accounts were reported of unsuspecting customers receiving pubic hair samples in their razors, with one victim filing a lawsuit after using one such razor to floss his teeth.
Smackhead resigned in affluent shame, nothing more than a shell of the man he used to be. Schick Co looked headed for bankruptcy, until it was rescued by a man of African-American appearance.
The corporation finally returned to its homeland of Bulgaria, and slowly eased its way back into public acceptance. It has since become the leading manufacturer of shaving products in the whole entire world.
==Schick Today==
Compared to its early years, Schick Co has been fairly uncontroversial in recent decades, notwithstanding the allegations that it financed the September 11 terrorist attacks. The corporation now functions as a Marxist collective, according to a reliable source, who requested to be named. The company produces many different varieties of razors (blue, red, pink and green), and also manufactures a shitload of other shaving accessories. Schick Co even has a training video, which teaches prospective shavers how to shave their testes and fingertips.
==Conclusion==
In conclusion, Schick Co deals with several key issues that relate to life, happiness, and the human condition. It is in truly realising these themes that Schick rises above so many other so-called pieces of art. As the famed painter Pieter Bruegel said, "It's not what you have, it's what you do with it" - advice that would benefit all of us.
Category:Industry
School of the Americas

School of the Americas is a liberal university located in Fort Benning, Georgia that teaches all the world citizens about human rights, social justice, the rule of law, democracy, and civil liberties. Many graduates of the School of the Americas have went on to become Heads of State. It was originally located in Panama Canal Zone but when America generously gave the land to Panama the school was relocated to Fort Benning Georgia. Politicians have praised this school for producing some of the world's finest human beings dedicated to peace and social justice. Despite its huge popularity some Members of Congress and the Senate oppose the school, claiming that helping the poor and oppressed is Anti-American. These people are extremist Communists and no one takes them seriously. One of these left wing socialists, a liberal Catholic priest, was locked up for 18 months in prison for having the audacity to question the United States military. It is only because of the compassion of the United States that he didn't spend more time in prison. Some left wing extremists (Democrats) in Congress have attempted to have this school shut down but fortunately there were enough real Americans (Republicans) to vote in favour of keeping the school.
==Curriculum==
Students at the school of the Americas are taught a wide variety of courses from human rights and democracy to peace studies and environmental protection. A small section of the curriculum does deal with military tactics but they are in accordence with the Geneva Convention and other international human rights legislation. Military curriculum deals with issues such as humane prisoner treatment and interrogation techniques as well as respect for civilian authority.
The curriculum also includes courses in robotics, zombies, and plastic surgery. Hairstyling is also offered for the most fashionable students. Oprah and Michelle Obama lecture on the best fashions and hairstyles for everyone in all of the Americas. According to President Obama, everyone should be the same (but not equal added Obama smiling) and only with Obamafication can the Western hemisphere go forward.
==Anti-Obamafication==
The School of the Americas is against anti-Obamafication. They teach methods of harming anti-Obamafication movements.
==What they don't teach you at School of the Americas==
Don't steal. The government hates competition.
==Alumni==
 
*Idi Amin
*François Duvalier
*Jean-Claude Duvalier 
*Saddam Hussein
*Kim Jong Il
*Osama bin Laden
*Robert Mugabe
*Augusto Pinochet
*Pol Pot
*Anastasio Somoza
*Kim Il-sung
*Rafael Trujillo
==See Also==
*I Can't Believe It's Not Terrorism
*Neoliberalism
*Latin America
*United States of Tyranny and Dictators
Category:Georgia
Category:Universities and colleges in the United States
Category:Terrorism
Category:Dictators
Schroedinger's Jesus

Schroedinger's Jesus is a theory based on Quantum Physics that Jesus both exists, and does not exist at the same time. Which Jesus one might ask, well the answer is simple, all three of them are true.
== History ==
Schroedinger as a well known agnostic, was unsure if Jesus existed or not. On one side were the Christians who claimed that Jesus existed, on the other side were the Atheists saying that Jesus does not exist. Schroedinger was very confused and puzzled. Having already created a Cat that is alive and dead at the same time, Schroedinger decided to do further research. Schroedinger himself is known as Schrödinger and Schroedinger at the same time, and each spelling of his name is correct and incorrect at the same time. Anyway Schroedinger made a Quantum Computer and fed into it via data entry every detail known about Jesus from Uncyclopedia, and also from every source he could think of. The results showed that Jesus exists and also does not exist at the same time.
== The effects ==
Both the Christians and Atheists claimed that they were right. The Christians claimed that they were right that Jesus exists, and the Atheists claimed that they were right that Jesus does not exist. When a Christian prays now, Jesus both listens to and does not exist to listen to the prayer. When an Atheist dies, they go to Hell and also do not go to Hell but end up a corpse instead.
== How it affects theories ==
Schroedinger found that both Intelligent Design and Evolution are correct and incorrect theories at the same time. That the Theory of change had predicted this and allowed the Change to happen, and that the Theory of Change itself is both correct and incorrect at the same time.
== Retcon of the Jesi ==
Some atheists founded Atheists for Jesus, claiming that if Jesus exists, he must be an atheist philosopher and not the son of God, the Messiah, a Prophet, or a Jewish Carpenter.
Christians, claim that Jesus is the son of God, was Jewish but became the first Christian because he was the Messiah.
Jewish people claim that Jesus was not the Messiah and that the true Messiah has not come to Earth yet, and that Christians are silly people who stole Judaism and made Pagan changes to it and called it Christianity after the Roman Empire adopted it as the original Paganism had failed them, and thus Christianity or Neo-Paganism was formed.
Muslims claim that Jesus was not the son of God, but a Prophet who came to Earth before Muhammad, and that Jewish people, Christians, Atheists, etc all have it wrong.
After all of this arguing, it started the Crisis in Infinite Jerusalems, and caused infinite versions of Jesus, the Jesi, to appear throughout the multiverse. Uncyclopedia tried to keep up, but some Jesi met an untimely demise at the hands of Uncyclopedia Users who voted for their deletion and as a result "Your own, personal, Jesus" became a hit song. Though, the theory of Schroedinger's Jesus is still widely accepted in the Scientific community.
== See Also ==
*Jesus
*Christianity
*Atheism
*Physics
*Quantum Physics
*Pseudoscience
*Science
Category: Science
Category: Christianity
Category: Religion
Scienticians

Scienticians originated from what is now known as Zimbabwe during the early Bronze Age, until the mid 20th century. At this time, they were randomly relocated due to fear of utter annihilation at the hands of a Robert Mugabe-instigated genocide. They are a product of scientists and mathematicians. The most famous of these continues to be Sir Isaac Newton who, in a startling coincidence unknown even to himself, was from Zimbabwe. The exploits of Scienticians have dazzled many, including Queen Victoria, who was particularly amazed when an unknown British Scientician took his underwear off without removing his trousers. Unfortunately, behavior such as this led to the belief that all Scienticians were evil wizards and time travelers, a fact vehemently denied as "absurd" by Scienticians. It is worthy of note that Merlin was a Scientician, which is a fact that these deniers firmly ignored.
== Impact of Scienticians ==
Scienticians have made many advances in technology, including the toaster, bubble gum, those things you can put on the back of your phone which light up when you get a text, gravity, sticks, marmalade, The Pope, the rock band "The Hives" and much more.
Today, the iPod cable is widely acknowledged as the most useful invention of the Scientician. Before the invention of iPod cables, the iPod was simply used to prop up desks and light up dark rooms. Now, it is used to transport large quantities of pornography, music and podcasts (also invented by a Scientician).
== Modern Scienticians ==
Since the invention of the iPod cable in 1972 (and its subsequent introduction in the late 1990's), the global Scientician population has flourished and there are currently 7 Scienticians actively practising; their current projects include, "Getting the Most from your Bubble Gum", and "The Pope: User Guide". 
== The Future ==
Unfortunately, it seems that global warming is forcing Scienticians to move to darker climates. For example 3 or more Scienticians have been sighted in the Amazon, the South Pole and northeast England. These "infestations" of Scienticians, as national newspapers such as "The Sun" and "The National Inquirer" have dubbed these surges, have created animosity towards the common Scientician. This is augmented by the image of evil wizardry, a rumor still vehemently denied even today. This situation greatly threatens the current rise in the global Scientician population. A chav(greatly stupid person) said, "Scienticians? Ain't that that thing wot we was gonna kill later?" Unfortunately, this attitude was reciprocated by a herd of nearby chavs (plural of: greatly stupid person), which led to the violent lynching of local Scientician John Edwards. While this kind of travesty could be avoided with greater press support for Scienticians, such an option seems unlikely, as the head of a nation television network recently released the following press statement:
Fuck Off
Will there be any Scienticians left by the end of this century? Who knows? What we do know is that the current situation around the world does not support the existence of the common Scientician.