Eli, pulp heroine, dame of vengeance, and shining light for slick chicks everywhere.

Eli is a 1930's pulp-noir heroine known for her habit of putting the screws to unwitting saps. Her current whereabouts is unknown, however it is believed she is sitting filthy rich on a private island in the Caribbean while her erstwhile partner got the blame for her latest heist and is sitting pink in the big house.
== Early Life ==
Little is known about the origins of Eli, except that at a young age she emerged from the grime encrusted heart of New York; orphaned, world weary, and with an unprecedented skill for pumping you full of lead.
The little Eli had to fend for herself, but with the teachings of her mysterious Grandmama firmly planted in her head she quickly amassed a reputation as the slickest dame around. Here is where things get a little hazy. It is known that someone, somehow murdered Eli's family, lacquering her young eyes with a searing bloodlust. It is also known that for most of her career Eli worked as a detective. The transition from 12 year old jaded menace to renegade detective is one that can only be unveiled with Eli's sporadic use of flashbacks in her newspaper series.
== 'The Adventures of Eli, or, Dame with a Machine Gun.' (1931) ==
The 'Adventure' series was an adventure series produced by the greatest newsagents of the 30's documenting Eli's adventures in weekly installations. These exploits were in fact completely accurate to the transpired events. The original documents were transcribed by the news agents from a pocket tape recorder Eli kept with her at all times. It is said that the journalists given the task had to be rotated regularly because of the level of arousal brought on by Eli's voice. The series was wildly popular, so popular in fact that even today not a child in our world does not know her name.
=== An excerpt from 'Part 1: Eli Fixes Some Apes' ===
Eli walked along thinking about things. She knew she might not have long to live. But, Eli thought, I don’t give two fucks. The mob wanted her stiff and she wasn't about to hand herself over without making sure she took a few cocks with her. It was up to them: they could either take her out, or she’d take them out the picture.
Eli ran a hand lovingly over her short-barrelled Madsen. She remembered when she had first been united with that machine gun all those years ago, on her 10th birthday. Her Grandmama always gave the best presents. But that was back in 1911. They don’t make them like that any more - machine guns or Grandmothers.
The wind wailed through the skeleton remains of the roof Eli was perched perilously on. Her red sequinned dress snapped and fluttered. They were coming for her sure as day follows night, but she knew for a fact they’d never been able to pick up a dame.
On the corner of the street she saw a little girl playing with a doll. She reminded Eli of herself at that age. Of course, Eli had never been that carefree. Eli watched, her toughened heart tendering at the sight of the two blonde pigtails sticking up like used fireworks. She hoped the girl cleared out before the killing started, but you can’t protect innocence forever. And who knew, that little girl was probably just as aware of the world as she had been. Well, Eli conceded heavily, maybe not quite. Her brows furrowed as a shadow in the shape of a fedora fell on the kid. She knew it would be followed by the actual fedora, and underneath that would be the stinking son of a bitch who owned it. The lone figure turned into two, then three clichéd hat wearers. To her disgust one of them pulled a shooter on the kid. She’d overestimated them. Those boys weren't worth the turf they stood on. Without hesitation Eli adjusted the sights of her Madsen and peppered the suckers. She took a long drag on her Camel. Like her, the thugs looked better in red.
Thanks to Eli’s un-paralleled skill with a firearm the girl had come out unscathed. Eli climbed down off the roof. The kid was completely covered in the insides of the two stiffs in the street. Eli offered her her hand.
“Hey kid. I'm sorry you had to see that.”
She spat out a mouthful of blood and took Eli’s hand.
“It wasn't your fault, those apes had it coming.”
Eli smiled fondly.
“You’re not wrong there kid. But you know a sure cure for a cocksucker cold? A stomach full of lead. Now you run on home.”
Eli looked wistfully at the retreating figure. She was a good kid. The kind Eli would be proud to call her daughter. Maybe she would have one someday, but right now she had other things on her mind. There were only two saps falling apart in the gutter. That meant the big boss had got away. And boy would he have it in for her. Eli knew she had to do him or he’d do her in. She hefted her Madsen over her shoulder. This time she’d have to go right to their nest and raze that cesspool to the ground. And for that she’d need back-up.
Tomorrow, she might be dead. But today she had helped clean the streets of some scum. Off she strode, her sequinned dress catching the early evening breeze and the smoke drifting from between her fingers. She needed another sap to put the screws to. And she knew just the one.
== Legacy ==
Eli is an inspirational character and her exploits have become so well loved people have precious little desire to read about anything else. Boys and girls spray paint fences and buildings with her File: red dress shimmering and lashing in the breeze, Madsen propped against her bare thigh, and that familiar look of burning pride and dedication on her beautiful and intelligent face. She is considered to be the greatest person to have ever existed.
Category:Fictional characters