Red Dead Redemption Cursed Copy

I am a walrus. There's no other way around it. I am a fat fucking walrus who has an even fatter son named Slimy Sausage. My son was a seal due to my wife having an affair with a clown on the payroll of Pennywise and his homie Ronald McDonald.
If you're wondering what's it like being a walrus. Don't. I live life like a normal person with one billion cigars on hand. I failed school so ended up having to take a job at my local DVD store entitled Maniels' Media. It was originally named DVD's, Blu rays. Games, and Sausages. From what I could tell the name was changed so that it would be shorter and sweeter for people to say. The manager of the store is a man named Johnny Buggerton, and the store has finical backing from Prime Minister Rabe Maniels who had also helped with it's construction.
Even though I do love my job I was criminally underpaid, and often had to take out loans from Vladimir Papkov caporegime of Granny Dryden's Gang. I often forgot to pay Papkov which led him forcing me to clean all the dishes in Hyrule, and other gruelling tasks such as washing his car and feeding bread to the birds something which Mary Poppins would sneer at I'm sure.
I absolutely despised Papkov, as he tricked my ex husband Sam The Carpenter into to killing me for eating all the oysters in Beach City. He chased me from the West, he chased me over the mountains, and he ran me into the sea where he eventually drowned to death. Though rumours soon began to swirl that he had been rescued by the Rosato Brothers who got him a job working for Colonel Dodo. Colonel Dodo was the extra crispy colonel of the Extra Crispy Army. Dodo also had really bad hearing, and smelt like an ass.
Before he died, me and Sam had discussed moving to Spain, and opening a motorbike rental shop on the coast. We could get a pretty good deal on houses as me and estate agent Richard Beck used to date back when we were roommates at Fordham University. Now then our tale begins on a freezing cold afternoon in December. It had only been four days since Christmas, and I was helping Buggerton with getting the decorations down so we could get put them away in storage until next Christmas. "What did ya get for Christmas Walrus?" Buggerton asked, and I replied with, "just the usual stuff. A pack of 69 cigars, some new shoes, and a pack of Scaletta Gum." Also, I should mention that I never give out my first name ever, and as such everyone in the city including my own wife referred to me as Mr Walrus.
Anyways, as I was busy trying to stuff some Christmas lights into a cardboard box for safekeeping the front door to the store swung open. The smell of piss filled urinals and cheesy feet entered the air as none other than Vladimir Papkov himself appeared on the scene. "I thought you were gonna marry me baby?" Papkov asked the local undertaker as he was quite insane from an addiction to chewits like some kind of Winston Chu.
Papkov then turned to face me, and yelled, "yokel where is my fucking money!? You not paid me in months, and I'm not the sort of person who is treated this way!" Vladimir who I'll just call Vlad from now on was a caporegime for Granny Dryden's Gang, and also worked for another criminal organisation. I had borrowed money from Vlad a few months back with the intent of using it to track down Rajeev who used to work for the London Underground yelling, "mind the door!" Rajeev had not been since the cheese and onion scandal of 2012. A bad sign. The nagging worry was always there. Where was Rajeev? 
Anyways, I told Vlad to shut the fuck up, and he ended up slapping me very aggressively. "Continue to insult me yokel, and Mr Maniels will have you hanging from a tree by New Years Eve." Vlad warned. Buggerton ended up speaking up for me by saying, "Vlad stop yelling at dear Walrus, and do your fucking job alright!?" Vlad faced turned purple, and he said, "whatever but while Walrus not paid maybe you can do me a favour, and sell this." Vlad said as he handed Buggerton a ps3 game before leaving the store as quickly as he had come in.
Anyways, Buggerton and me then finished up packing the Christmas decorations, and then spent the rest of the afternoon watching Rap Rat in 4K. "I'm the talk of the town. I'm history in the making. I'm yours for the taking." Rap Rat proclaimed while his face took up the whole screen. It was enough to make me shit. In fact I did briefly, and nearly knocked Buggerton out because of how bad the smell was. I mean seriously it was that bad. While watching Rap Rat, Buggerton warned me to not piss Papkov off as he had very powerful friends who could end my career in oyster eating in a second. 
That evening, I was stopped by leaving as Buggerton placed his large skeleton like hand on my shoulder saying, "nighty night sexy." He began to dance down the street while the Sun fed poisonous raisons to a very rude raison journalist who dared to question him about now many scoops of raisons go into Kellogg's Raison Bran. What an asshole am I right?
I caught a cab to my house as I no longer had a driving lesson after I drove my last car into a river made of dog shit. I got in the house, and flopped down on my sofa. My wife wasn't thankfully, but Slimy was there, and was crying over the ending to Toy Story 3 which he was watching in the living room btw. I turned the TV off, and told Slimy to fuck off to bed. "No Pop I wanna play!" Slimy proclaimed happily like some kind of Spyro The Dragon. My son was a major manchild despite him being nearly 45 years old. "Play? Damn it Slimy when I was your age I had already been to Fordham twice." I said angrily as I took off my huge bulky overcoat placing it onto a small coat rack. As I put my coat onto the rack however a DVD fell onto the floor. 'Buggerton must of put in my pocket as I was leaving. The bastard.' I thought to myself as I picked the DVD up in order to examine it.
To my surprise, it was Red Dead Redemption one of my favourite games of all time! Even though I'm an old fart I still love to play me video games. However, while the front of the case looked like normal the back of the case had a picture of my uncle Terry shitting in a waste basket in Africa. "Ay!?" I yelled angrily as I opened up the DVD #causing a small piece of paper to fall onto the floor. I picked up the note, and found it to be a letter from Buggerton. This is what it said:
Dear, Mr Walrus,
I have given you this game in order for you to test it as the disc had several scratches on it. I'd do it myself, but I'm too fucking lazy, and am busy having it on with my hot wife who works in Riker's Field for the Corleone Family. I told you about her remember? She had gone to Fordham with one of McCluskey's sons.
Anyways, I want to let me know your thoughts on the DVD when you come to work tomorrow morning. 
Yours Sincerely.
Johnny Buggerton
I finished reading the note only to find that Slimy had put the disc into my ps3 for me. He asked if he could watch me play, and I resultantly agreed. The game showed no Rockstar logos instead only a logo for Rabe Maniels Incorporated was shown before the main menu appeared. It showed a badly cropped picture of Mr Adler from South Park drinking tea. I clicked on new game, and it was weird. 
Instead of the normal opening cutscene to the mission, "exodus in America," I was treated of a video of my doctor the man, the myth, the legend: Dr Chapati. "Mr Walrus this is your doctor. Doctor Chapati. You are without a doubt the most smelly walrus I have ever smelt. You smell like that Domino's Pizza I used to wipe my ass one night when I was drunk. Sadly there's no cure for smelling so terribly. So you're stuck like that forever. Bye bye!" Doctor Chapati finished while giving me a thumbs up. Also, his thumb had poo all over it.
After that the clip abruptly ended, and it had cut to the part where John Marston meets Bonnie McFarlane for the first time. "Well you're alive." Bonnie said, and John replied with, "no I'm a fish." Then without warning John turned into a fish, and swam out of the house he was staying in. After the cutscene ended, John was a human again, and I made him get onto the horse like normal.
The remainder of the mission played like normal with Bonnie showing John around her land, and then inviting him into her house for a nap. We then went on the night patrol like normal however this time it wasn't rabbits attacking Bonnie's crops no this time it was Pharrell Williams who sang, "it might seem crazy what I'm about to say." John couldn't shoot Pharrell for some reason. The game just flat out refused to let me shoot him. I hated Pharrell. He stole my successful music career from me. 
After this mission, some more strange things began occurring. For starters, John never healed from his bullet wound which he had gotten from one of Bill Williamson's boys at the start of the game. Also, there were no horses to ride only hover cars which made no fucking sense as this game is supposed to be set in the old west but whatever. Also during the racing mission with Bonnie, her house just flat out didn't appear in the cutscenes.
Later, I went to go take the first mission for Leigh Johnson, and when John entered the shrieff's office he kept farting violently. "Who are you?" Daddy Pig asked who was cleaning the floor of the office. "My name's John Marston. You wanted to speak to me." John said as if this was the normal cutscene. "Ho ho I'm a bit of an expert at this!" Daddy Pig proclaimed as he forced John to go outside with him. 
The mission was not right. The mission had John and Daddy Pig engaging in a gun duel which collimated with the death of Daddy Pig at the hands of the dastardly Mr Parks who hated Pig for eating all of his apples. 
The rest of the missions didn't fair much better either. "Justice in Pike's Basin," just had John cleaning a basin in Seymour Skinner's house, "A Tempest Looms," had John eating dinner. No not even joking it was a whole fucking mission of just John eating dinner with the sound of cash registers in the background. Something which would make Mr Krabs very happy. I'm sure.
Somehow I managed to get to the mission where you meet Seth for the first time. Only Seth was actually Freddy Krueger, and he began to chase John down the street while funky sax music played in the background. Then without warning a fat smelly fisherman's face appeared on screen, and he yelled, "oh wait till I get you short man! Wait till I get my little foot up your arse!" 
"This is bloody ridiculous!" I yelled before throwing my controller at Slimy's face. Slimy had been in complete awe about the whole thing. I attempted to turn off the ps3 only for Slimy to stop me. He wanted to continue to see if the rest of the game was just as buggy. "Come on Pops it'll probably get better in a few more missions." Slimy said, and I once again reluctantly agreed. I let Slimy play for a bit while I lit myself a cigar the size of the Empire States building.
Turns out Slimy was completely wrong as the glitches and bugs only got worse and worse as the game continued. The mission "The Hanging of Bonnie McFarlane," started out normal enough with Drew McFarlane having a right old go at Marshall Johnson and John for his daughter going missing. Then Mr Pumpkin appeared on the scene, and he said, "I'm very hungry!" He ordered John and the Marshall to bring him pieces of beef which he then ate. Also, Mr Pumpkin never gave away Bonnie's location, and she was actually killed by Williamson's boys.
The game just got worse and worse with every second. John could only walk as he still hadn't healed from his gunshot wound from earlier, enemies were incredibly powerful and far aggressive, no weapons or money were ever dropped, and our honour never went up or down no matter what we did. 
Then the game did a massive time skip to the part where John meets Captain Vincent De Santa in Mexico. De Santa and John sat themselves down to have a drink like normal however De Santa's waiter and lover Que Montemayor never appeared. "Like chorea." John joked as normal, and he pulled an incredibly cheesy face after doing so. It was so cheesy I could actually smell it through the television. It smelt like a pack of gone off cheese which had been sitting in Shrek's swamp for 8000 years while Samsung Bare played Wallace & Gromit on the Xbox. Yeah that's how bad it is.
De Santa apparently didn't find John's joke very funny, and ordered his soldiers to kill him. John managed to escape thanks to the intervention of Abraham Reyes and his Rebels who were actually the rebels from Star Wars. John and Reyes then killed De Santa, and raided Allende's mansion right then and there. Even though in the actual game it takes like 18 missions for you to kill Allende, and storm his mansion.
The rest of the mission played out like, "An Appointed Time," with John and Reyes storming Allende's mansion. Allende, Bill Williamson, and Javier Escuella attempted to escape on a motherfucking 1000 inch scorpion who was an acclaimed BBC actor having been trained by Sir Roger Colbham the world famous heart surgeon who wasn't even an actor. What the fuck?
John and Reyes got themselves onto Reyes' attack dog with an inbuild force field, and chased after Allende and John's bros Bill and Javier. They chased the trio down to a small lakeside area, and the attack dog was able to kill the scorpion with no problems whatsoever. "I could really use a potty break." The dog said as he run down the road never to be seen again.
John and Reyes then aimed their guns at Allende and his cohorts who desperately tried to make John let them go quietly. John said, "I want chicken nuggets," and then killed all three of them. As a reward for saving Mexico, Reyes took John out to eat at McDonalds which didn't even exist in 1911.
At McDonalds, John and Reyes ate like kings, and Ronald McDonald was shown making out with a whopper from Burger King. You see Ronald secretly hated the foot served at his own restaurant, and had begun hanging around Burger King in the early hours of the night. He ate the leftover burgers only to get caught one night by the Burger King himself. The King offered Ronald all the burgers he could eat in exchange for information on McDonalds and their recipes. Ronald was happy to oblige, and had been feeding information to the King for nearly six months.
Sorry for that incredibly long tangent, anyways, as John and Reyes finished eating their food Captain Crook appeared on the scene. "Ahoy! What about a cheese burger for me!?" The captain asked curiously. Then without warning, the game cut to the part where you meet up with Edgar Ross and his homie Archer Fordham in Blackwater.
At this point, I paused the game, and lit myself another cigar. Slimy decided to go upstairs for a shit as his serious bowel problems. Seriously, one time me and Slimy were at a football match, and Slimy went to take a dump, and ended up stinking out the entire stadium. It was that fucking mad. Not even joking on that one reader.
Anyways, Ross and Fordham played tic tac toe with John on a riverboat for some reason. I don't even know why. Also Ross was now voiced by Steve Carrell for some reason, and Archer looked like a dopey dog who worked in construction for his uncle Mr Teal. Also, there were no missions available for Professor MacDougal. 
Also, when John confronted Dutch over the cliff, Dutch rose to be the height of 50 sky scarpers. and he ended up stomping his mighty foot upon John's tiny head killing him instantly. Dutch then went on a rampage throughout Blackwater and the surrounding areas killing anyone who dared get in his way.
Dutch killed anyone who got in his way even Mr Mercury who owned the laundrette over on Street City was not safe as Dutch always hated him. The game then ended with Dutch killing Ross and Fordham before turning into a ham sandwich. A man walked up to the sandwich, and said, "must be a Dutch sandwich!" Then some incredibly cheesy saxophone music played in the background as the game ended with the normal credits. There was also a post credit scene which had the Tin Man ploughing the fuck out of the scarecrow.
I took the disc, and put it back into the case. I lit myself another cigar, and loaded my handgun. Tomorrow, I was having words with Buggerton and Papkov over this game.
The following day, I caught a cab to my work, and threw the game at Buggerton's face who was busy having a meeting with Papkov in the back room. "You stupid bastard! Where is money!?" Vlad asked angrily, and I yelled, "who the heck made this pile of shit!?" I asked angrily, and Vlad responded with, "it was made by my former best friend Ivan. He's been making his own lost media creations, and is refusing to give Mr Maniels a slice of the pie. He's also been talking to the Feds for god knows how long" 
"That bastard!" I yelled angrily, and pulled out my gun. Vlad then said, "Ivan is currently trying to rob Slimy at your house. He thinks he is collecting my money for me, and I want you to kill him." I had already left the store before he had even finished speaking, and made my way over to Slimy's house where Ivan attempted to escape in his car.
I stole some kid's pogo stick, and gave chase. Ivan stopped his car at the local construction site, and attempted to escape. I followed him to the very top of the site. "Vlad is nothing in this town don't do this for him!" Ivan pleaded while running away from me. We eventually confronted each other at the very edge of the construction site. I then decided because I'm such a good walrus to allow Ivan to leave town. "Stay out of London." I warned, and Ivan replied with, "you're a good walrus. I wanted to leave town anyway. Too many folks from back home. Get into America, and get a really hot wife with big breasts." Ivan then left the site never to be seen again. 
After leaving the site, I got stopped by a small black car. A man holding a toaster stood next to the car, and said, "Mr Walrus can you get in please?" I looked inside the car, and saw Slimy sitting in there. "Hey what you doing in there boy?" I asked, and Slimy replied with, "just in the car now you fucking fat walrus!" I did as I was told, and sat next to an incredibly smelly old Chinese man who stank like rotten eggs and fish poo. "And this is?" I asked while pointing at the man. "This is our friend Mr Chu." Slimy explained as the car begin to speed down the streets of London before going on the highway of love which took us all the way to the Yorkshire Hills.
During the ride, Slimy went off on me for letting Buggerton live. "How could you let Johnny Buggerton: Rabe Maniels' right-hand man just walk away!" "Hey Johnny is my boss Slimy." I said while smoking 100 cigars at once causing Mr Chu's face to turn green like Shrek's ass. "No you listen! If it wasn't for me you'd of already been taken care of." Slimy said who no longer sounded dumb like a dog, and now sounded dumb like a frog, A big difference I know.
We dropped Mr Chu off at his mother's house. Also Slimy explained to me in the car that Chu was 235 years old so how the heck was his mother still alive!? She must be the saggiest old sag to ever sagged in the city of Saga Tree. That sounded really bad. I apologize.
During the rest of the ride, Slimy explained that he had been working as an informant for The Shadow Reader and his Resistance who pledged to clean the world of lost episodes. He explained that Prime Minister Rabe Maniels was behind the game, and was a major crime boss. Johnny Buggerton was Maniels' right-hand man, and Papkov also worked for Maniels. So that was the Mr Maniels that Papkov had spoke about.
We eventually pulled up outside a massive mansion in the Yorkshire Hills, and Slimy showed me inside. In the kitchen, Shadow Lioness was cooking up a foul smelling spaghetti and meatball lunch. It nearly caused my tusks to fall off because of how bad the smell was. "Skyrunner's waiting for you two in Shadow's office. I'll be in there too in a second." Lioness explained.
In the office, Skyrunner was chatting with BC Network. Richard Fatchurd, and Frankely Hott. They were discussing how the Resistance had been split into two factions. With one faction being based at the mansion in the Yorkshire Hills while the other operated at Fatchurd's house over in Bristol. "I just wish we could get in contact with Luca." Skyrunner said sadly. I assumed he was talking about Luca Brasi one of the most dangerous and feared men in the criminal underworld of London.
I made my way to a seat on the far side of the office, and drank a bottle of Shadow's homemade otter sauce. It tasted like ass. Like pure ass from the sea of Campton. "It's been a day now since Shadow was shot, and we still haven't heard nothing from Luca. BC Fatchurd how do you guys figure it?" Fatchurd ate a salmon sandwich before saying, "Anybody can go wrong I mean look at Neddie but Luca was different. The Shadow Reader was the only thing he ever believed in and the only person he feared. Not only that Skyrunner but he respected Shadow more than anyone else and the Shadow Reader has earned respect from everyone, and I find it very hard to believed that Rabe and Johnny no matter now cunning they might be were able to surprise Luca. He probably went on off to Postman Pat's house for a few days. We'll hear from him anytime now." 
BC Network simply shrugged before saying, "anyone can turn traitor. Luca was a very touchy cat. Maybe Shadow offended him some way that could be. I think though that Rabe gave him a little surprise, That fits in with what Dogeyes says. We should expect the worst."
I looked over at the other room, and saw two men playing Shrek 2 on the original Xbox. "Don't mind them." Fatchurd said to me while he ate 60 bowls of chicken nuggets. "The guy with the glasses is named Neddie, and he set up The Shadow Reader. The guy sitting next to him is his replacement Fritz." Fatchurd explained. 
According to Skyrunner, the Resistance had been in quite the pickle Rick since the shooting of The Shadow Reader which I had heard about in the newspaper. Neddie who was Fatchurd's personal assistant had turned out to be an informant for Maniels and his Syndicate having joined up with them not long after the Resident Evil 4 fiasco. Whatever that means. Neddie had helped Maniels and Buggerton with setting up a hit on Shadow. Luca Brasi was The Shadow Reader's personal enforcer, and had not been seen since the night before the shooting happened. There were news reports, newspapers, and even radio reports about the incident. It was almost impossible that Luca hadn't heard the news. So where was Luca Brasi?
I lit myself another Hardbrook cigar. My wife had tried to get me to switch to salmon cigars, but they stank like ass so I decided against it. Skyrunner turned to Fatchurd, and said, "take care of that son of bitch Neddie right away. He screwed over The Shadow Reader." "Thank otter that Shadow is alive though right?" BC asked as Skyrunner replied with, "yeah it's a fricking miracle. Once Luca Brasi checks in I'm gonna have him spray dirrrahea all over Rabe's lieutenants. I'll get Rabe by myself." 
Neddie came in, and said, "WRECK IT RALPH!" He had just gotten off the phone to Rarity according to Skyrunner. Fatchurd began beating Neddie with his belly, and yelled, "Neddie I told you to stay in the living room!" Neddie began eating his toenails before saying, "there's some guys outside who say they got a package for us." Skyrunner dispatched Frankely to see what it was. "Have you ever been to Canterlot?" Neddie asked me as he did a really creepy laugh that sounded like SpongeBob on meth. Fatchurd then proceeded to falcon punch Neddie out of the office, and sat back down. 
Skyrunner turned to face me, and said, "right you walrus. Tomorrow you take a couple guys, and go over to Luca's apartment, and wait for him to show up or find out where the hell he is. The crazy bastard might be going after Rabe right now if he's heard the news." "I like sausage rolls." BC said while dancing with the keeper of the reaper who isn't an idiot's toy for a boy like Billy who can't even tie his shoes.
Also on the TV in the room the news was on, and it showed several important people arriving at 10 Downing Street for a meeting of some kind. There was Tennant James Group Captain of the RAF, Mayor Ewan McAlister of Cardiff City, and even Bishop Lennard Brennan and his PA Father Jessop. According to BC, Rabe had arranged a huge conference that day which all the members of his Syndicate would be attending including Buggerton and Papkov. 
Suddenly, Frankely appeared the office placing a large brown package onto Skyrunner's lap. Skyrunner then proceeded to unwrap the package, and found Luca Brasi's bulletproof vest. Wrapped in the vest was a box of fish of chips.
Skyrunner began tearing up, and BC poured himself a glass of Shadow's homemade otter sauce. Fatchurd meanwhile ate another 5000 bowls of chicken nuggets. "What the hell does the fish and chips mean?" I asked confused. It was Frankely Hott the former hitman for the Faustin Crime Family who answered me. "The fish and chips mean we're having it for dinner tonight." Fatchurd who had already begun eating the fish and chips yelled, "that isn't what it means Frankely you idiot." Fatchurd then continued with, "it's a British message it means Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes."
== Sleeping With The Fishes ==
:This part takes place from a third person perspective, and tells us the story of what happened to Luca.
On the night before the shooting of The Shadow Reader, his strongest, most loyal, and most smelly enforcer prepared to meet with the enemy. Luca Brasi had made contact with the forces of Rabe Maniels several months before, and had done so on the orders of The Shadow Reader himself.
To do this, Luca had hung around Maniels' DVD store, and flirted with some of Rabe's men including Bishop Brennan's PA Father Jessop. He complained openly about being underpaid, and held down by Shadow like some kind of marmite jar, and that he desperately seeked better employment.
After two months of this shit, Luca was approached by Johnny Buggerton: manager of the store. Buggerton was Maniels' second in command, and helped him with founding his Syndicate. The two began holding regular meetings in the store's backroom with Buggerton offering Luca a job to work in the Syndicate as an enforcer. At one meeting, Luca pretended to be horny, but then said, "but one thing must be understood. I would never go against The Shadow Reader. For Shadow is a man I respect. I understand he must put Backyardigans before me in the pasta business." Buggerton spoke up, and said, "do not be discouraged Luca Brasi for Mr Maniels will not expect you to do anything against Shadow and his friends. Why would he? After all Rabe always loved Shadow didn't ya know?" Luca shrugged. "I guess not."
After another month, Luca had stopped going to the store due him getting Shrek 2 on Xbox. Shadow had popped around to see him one day, and had ordered him to get off his ass, and start speaking to Buggerton again. 
Brasi reluctantly complied, and dropped into the store the evening before the shooting, and began scanning through some DVD's. Buggerton came up to him, and said, "I have a friend who wishes to speak to you." "Who is he?" Luca asked, and Buggerton replied with, "the big boss himself. Rabe Maniels. He wants to put an offer to you. Can you meet him in here later tonight after hours?" "Sure what time?" Luca asked, and Buggerton replied with, "the store closes at 4 in the morning. So can you come then? I'll be here to let you in. Luca nodded, and made his leave catching a cab to his apartment.
In his apartment, Brasi pulled out a large smelly briefcase from under his bed with Eddie Cat's face on it. He opened it, and pulled out a large and heavy bulletproof vest. He put the vest over himself. and then put his shirt and jacket over it. 
If things went far enough tonight, and Rabe really made his pasta maybe the whole thing could be wrapped up as a Christmas present for The Shadow Reader or so he thought.
Luca arrived at the store a little early for his appointment, and was let in by Johnny Buggerton. He was led to the front desk, and declined the cup of tea offered to him. Then Rabe Maniels appeared from the shadows behind Buggerton who now stood behind the front desk. Rabe shook Luca's hand, and began to relay his proposition to him. "You know who I am?" Rabe asked, and Luca responded with, "I know you." "You've been talking to Buggerton haven't you? I think me and you can do business. After just a month of being in my service, I can guarantee you £1,000,000." Rabe explained. "Why make such an offer to me?" Luca asked, and Rabe responded with, "there's big plans happening my boy. I need someone strong like you to protect my store and other rackets. I also figured that this would be the perfect opportunity for you as I hear you're not too happy with your gang these days. You might make a switch." Luca shrugged before saying, "Sure sounds good to me." 
Rabe then put his hand out, but Luca pretended not to see it, and instead busied himself by putting a cigarette in his mouth. From behind the desk. Buggerton made a lighter appear magically, and held it to Luca's mouth. Then he did a strange thing. He dropped the lighter on the desk, and grabbed Luca's hand holding it tight. Luca reacted instantly by attempting to twist his body away, but Rabe had grabbed his other hand at the wrist. 
Still Luca was far too strong for both of them, and would have broken free. Except that a man stepped out of the shadows behind him, and threw a thin silken cord around his neck choking off Luca's breath. Luca's face turned purple, the strength in his arms drained away. Maniels and Buggerton held his arms easily now as the man behind Luca drew the cord tighter and tighter.
Suddenly a foul odur entered the air as Luca shat himself, and the waste of his body fell onto the floor. There was no strength in him anymore. His legs folded, and his body sagged. Satisfied, Maniels and Buggerton let his arms free. Only the strangler stayed with the victim sinking to his knees to keep up with Luca's falling body until it hit the cold hard ground. He drew the cord so tight that cut into Luca's neck, and blood began to violently pour down his jacket onto the floor. 
Luca's eyes were bulging out of his head as if in the upmost surprise, and this surprise was the only humanity remaining to him. He was dead.
Maniels turned to face Buggerton, and said, "make sure he isn't found Johnny. I don't want him found at least not yet. It could jeopardize the whole plan if he is to be found." He then put on his running shoes, and left the store disappearing back into the shadows.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Loads of Characters
Category:Vidya games
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:MOTHER OF FUCK THIS PAGE IS LONG LIKE MY PAINIS