Gaming Disorder

I am a shrink you dare not name; I wanna play alone my little game; whoever online disturbs my solo mode; I'll cut off at once his tiny throat. Yes, ja, oui, I am autistic schizoid and sadistic, hehe...
It's suggested that video-games have mysterious effects on brain chemical imbalance of serotonin, dopamine, acetylcholine, heroin, cocaine, caffeine, weeds, benzodiazepines, etc. Leaving the mechanism unexplained, DSM-5 creates a new disorder named Gaming Disorder. American Lunatic Association (ALA) has declared video-games illegal and prescribed only. Anyone who play video game without psychiatric permission is liable of commitment for gaming disorder. We are actually running short of money these days so we wanna get more 'clients' or victims, and their money. Besides, it's really lucrative to control video game market.
=Psychiatrists and Games=
Why do games always target us in caricatural humour. Why are we programmed to be losers in all games of asylum escape theme, leaving the our clients fleeing out of our hands with us trapped in their little schemes. It's actually a humiliation of us as we are mostly not all the time morons, simpletons, the retarded, and lunatics and we can (only sometimes) outwit our preys in cages.
We are shrinks, we shrink ppl's heads rather than programs. We're not supposed to reprogram games. We have offered a sum to several game companies ordering games in which we catch the patients but always got refused. They say we would never be target customers. However, we are priests of state cult psychiatry, so that we have power to ban anything further traumatising our pathetic ego: both videogames and video games are now prescribed only!
=Videogames and video games=
"Video-games" means videogames and video games.
Videogames are a kind of hallucinogens that allows you to play video games without a computer! If you're dosed you feel exactly the same as normal gaming. I strongly suggest you to attend ECT with your computer in my clinic in which I can help you syn your game progress or you cannot load or save it and have to start over again if you lose. Huh, playing OMMRPG, fine, I'll tell the technical to titrate a bit the electric shock to get you into the correct server. Rest assure, I will help your withdrawal by how-do-you-turn-this-on-ing every time you start the game so you'll have a conditional response that gaming means always defeat.
Video games are computer programs used by people wanna get you and steal your $$ like FBI, CIA, your mom, UN, WHO...so stop playing at once especially the online ones! It's safer to accept videogames therapy as your accounts and personal information are accessible for no one but your therapist you see. I am not out to get or exploit you I promise, cos I don't need to get out.
Don't install any game on your computer. Don't watch any related video on youtube. Don't befriend anyone who plays video games. Stop self-defeating my little clients in this simulated world, and go back to the real world to be further defeated...oops, someone has hacked into The Matrix of my clinic!
=Diagnosis Criteria=
Persistent and recurrent use of game software, often with other players, leading to clinically significant impairment or distress as indicated by five (or more) of the following:
# Finding the game interesting;
# Withdrawal symptom: want to play the game when not playing;
# Tolerance: spend more than one second than yesterday on gaming;
# Acceptance of an invitation to play a game;
# Considering the game more interesting than something else, e.g. your math teacher;
# Buy games or in-app purchase despite a shrink tell you it's a waste of money and time (he wants to be wasted on ofc);
# Ask the therapist to join the game (if you have one);
# Play the game not in your happiest hours;
# The shrink tells your mom you should stop.
Don't bother, if you have played a video game, you are doomed to have the disorder.
=Treatment=
You are cured if you can defeat me when I am cheating and I'll recommend you to join the international video game competition. I am sincere I swear (damn it!). I have prepared the recommendation you see:
To whom it may concern:
This is to certify that (put the name here) who is under my care for gaming disorder, is recommended to computer game competitions. He has shown extraordinary gaming abilities and needs access to personal computer during this period. Please kindly grant the admission. Thank you for your kind attention.
Dr H.L. 
My last client recommended was admitted in ten minutes when he applied for the competition.
=Prognosis=
Don't worry. I play a lot but I am still sitting here living a happy life. It doesn't matter even if you can never defeat me. Com'on, just live with the games and they won't bother you much. You can play legally as much as you can as long as you pay me weekly...why's there some cops and an ambulance outside...you're gonna commit me for playing games? Damn the client who's betrayed me...HELP!
Category:Video games
Category:Disorders