nyuuzyou/wikis huggingface dataset:
You're trapped

There you are, walking. It's an average day. Life's been pretty good. Got a nice home, good looking wife, well raised children, and a great job. You start to think about the meaning of life or some other mumbo jumbo like that. 
BLAM!!!!!!!!!!! 
You slam face first into a wall. 
==No problem. I can just turn around.==
It's not like you're trapped or anything. Just slowly turn around, and walk back home, back to your perfect life. 
Ha ha! Another wall. You should have seen the look on your face! You just turned around and then it hit you. You are trapped after all. Nope, no way out. Just think about it. Why else would this happen? 
==You did this!==
How could I do this? I'm just a figment of your imagination, or a ghost, or something else you can't see. In fact, your whole life is a lie. Do you really think a real person could have a life this good? No, because life sucks. Now, stop listening to me shatter your reality and try to find a way out. What? You say there are none? Well, you're blind. I'll get us out of here. You ask why I want out? Well, if you're trapped, so am I. I could spend hours laughing at this foolish predicament you've gotten us into, but I'm not fond of staring at a brick wall for hours. Though I can tell you're used to it. 
==Look up!==
What? Someone's lowering a brick ceiling?! Crap! It's dark. Do you know what this means? We are likely to be eaten by a grue. This is like one of those horror movies you watch the first five minutes of and then hide under the covers yelling "Turn it off!" because you are such a wuss. It should be getting around time for the plot twist...
==What are you talking about?==
The cat is out of the bag. You're not trapped. I am. You're just a figment of my imagination. I made you up to make my life look better. Happy? Too bad. That's the best you get. I'm not some award winning writer. This is like the Twilight Zone or something. How do episodes of it usually end?
==Everyone dies.==
Dude! Shut up! That's spoilers! Yes, I know I just spoiled your entire life for you, but this is my life you're spoiling, and I'm important! Don't make fun of me! It's not my fault I have a dead end job at McDonalds! Shut up! Just leave me alone! 
==This isn't right.==
Yeah, the reader's supposed to be on the bad end of this, not the article. What the hell is wrong with the writer? Get him!
Psssssh *static* I'm sorry for this, but we've ran into some technical difficulties. The writer's writing came alive and killed him. Maybe if you're lucky he won't come back from the dead and write more crappy articles.
Category:Articles written in the first person 
Category:Fates worse than death
YouTubers

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Comments & Responses
TheConspiracyNut (267 mins ago)
Did anyone else notice the alien dragon nibiru illuminati symbol hidden in the text? it's all SUBLIMINAL MESSAGES from Dick Cheney to kill the aliens who bring us hope. beware of the clouds.
TheRaceBaiter (102 mins ago)
Yo, why all the hate in this article? Why is the background WHITE? Do y'all have a problem wit BLACK?
TheAnnoyingSubscribee (72 mins ago)
ADD ME ADD ME ADD ME
TheJesusFreak (45 mins ago)
Jesus loves you!
TheSnottyAthiest (38 mins ago)
You all are such sheep. My god! Oh wait, there is no god! How can there be a loving god if there are WARS, huh? That's right. You retard sheep.
TheFilmCritic (20 mins ago)
Ugh, the original was so much better. Any article that doesn't have Oscar Wilde in it is worthless.
TheIdioticIllegalMovieSite (18 mins ago)
Just finished watching the FULL version of this at www . mo vie man a tee . com (Just remove the spaces!)
TheObamaNut (12 mins ago)
Obama is a racist muzlim who is trying to tax our healthcare and make it socialism go away leftwingers
TheLOLcat (8 mins ago)
@1:07 rotfl hez liek "wut"? LOL
TheShouter (7 mins ago)
OMG THOS IS MY FAV ARTIXLE
TheChainMailer (5 mins ago)
Do not read this! If you say your mom's name 5 times, your crush's name 6 times, and your dog's name 11 times, and spin around and press F5, someone will kiss you next Monday.
TheAdoringFan (2 mins ago)
wow how long did it take to make this article? this is so amazing! 5*
You (1 min ago)
WTH?
Theboxhog777 (30 seconds ago)
If you subscribe to me and like my last 5 videos, I will do the same!	
Added January 1, 2010
 
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You Are Black

Whaddup, . You've watched too many Jordan Peele movies (3) and listened to too many (1) Sisqo mega-hits and now you are black, bitch.
100px
Black black black.
No mo teeth whitening 4U. Because you don't have to. You are black.
You at least want some questions answered?
You'd probably be better off just getting used to keeping in da loop, boy.
And that also goes for the smart bitchass right there that just said "I'm not a girl". You're a bitch too.
__NOTOC__
==Welcome to blackness==
In your first and final venture into blackness, you may notice how the room temperature is always cold, and how there are no bad golf or tennis days. Or more specifically, you may have noticed how "uncool" does not exist. Do not be alarmed. In fact, you may find in your black state that approximately 100% of the sensations and phenomena you were familiar with in your non-black days are conspicuously non-existent.
Remember how, when you were of a different color, you wasted hours and hours watching Grey's Anatomy? Well, this is exactly like that, except without the grey. And without the anatomy. And without Grey's fucking Anatomy.
Perhaps you have noticed a Xmas-like logo shining in the distance. Please do not approach it. In the past countless blacks like yourself have fooled themselves into believing it was the gate to heaven, or possibly an angel, or even Jennifer Aniston. However, it is none of the above. It's just the Friends logo. They had a cool logo. Jordan don't need it though. Because he's black (like you).
As for any actual friends or family you have left behind, please rest assured. You will never have to worry about them again. You will not have that capability. They'll probably be going out for straw, running, or maybe shitting huge shit-cubes or something. I don't know. They may even be mourning you, but don't count on it. Anyway, they're doing fine, all things considered.
==Things to do while black==
==You are black FAQ==
*Q: I was a Cypress Hill fan all of my life. I enjoyed "Insane In The Brain", I learned Spanish and I made every effort to score some weed on a daily basis. So, where do I cash in on this?
*A: Nowhere, you're just plain black for now. Probably plain pitch-black too.
*Q: I was basically a racist Dwight Schrute wannabe throughout my entire life, but I still think I was pretty sweet. What do I get?
*A: You get to join the rock band Alice in Chains.
*Q: Why does the bad person get to join Alice and I don't?
*A: Because unsimilar to white, Black isn't fair.
*Q: If I hadn't read this article would I still be white?
*A: ...Yes.
*Q: And yellow?
*A: ...No.
*Q: How about red?
*A: No.
*Q: Maybe brown?
*A: Nope!!!
*Q: Beige?
*A: No!!!!! That doesn't even make sense!
*Q: Marilyn Manson?
*A: SHUT UP!!!!!
==Bye==
center|150px|thumb|You're black. Y-E. Tenebrous. GET OVER IT!!!
</div>
Category:You Are
Category:Black
Category:Articles written in the first person
Category:Articles written in the second person
Category:Michael Jackson
You Are Ugly

<choose>
<option></option>
<option></option>
<option></option>
</choose>
Let's face it. You are ugly. And I MEAN ugly! You can't deny it, everybody knows it! You walk past a mirror shop, and it goes bankrupt replacing its stock. Of course you may not know you're ugly because you've never seen yourself in a mirror, considering how they always break! Seriously, you have GOT to do something about your ugliness. Please. For the sake of world peace...
== Just how ugly are you? ==
Extremely ugly. Trust me, you look like you tried to disguise yourself as a horse, and got the head and behind mixed up. If you go out into the streets, the downtown area of New York city suddenly becomes silent and empty, except for a crying baby that got left behind in the mad rush. You make the swamp monster look great, for crying out loud!
== What to do about it? ==
That's for you to figure out. I can only tell you what you CAN'T do about it, and here are the reasons.
*You can't wear a veil, it would just melt.
*You can't commit suicide, your decaying corpse would poison crops.
*You can't be launched into space, aliens would take it as an insult.
*You can't put pimple cream on, it would be an insult to the people that created it.
== Seriously, what can you do? ==
Seeing as you're a total retard, I've decided to be nice and help you in your decision-making. It's simple. Become a celebrity. While you may not be nearly as cool-looking as them, your IQ is right in their range! (I'm looking at you in particular, Paris Hilton!) You could become rich. (At a freak show.) You could be famous. (By drawing attention to the plague known as Ugliness, you would make headlines!) You could become popular! (Not really- I mean who wants to be seen with someone who looks like you?) Just one problem though. How do you, a middle-aged retard with down syndrome and elephantitis, become renowned?
== The answer... ==
Write a book. Sure, you may be completely retarded, and your spelling and grammar are both atrocious, but never give up! And don't worry too much about selling it, people think books written by retards are cute! (Just look at Me Talk Pretty Someday.) Of course, you may have a difficult time finding a syndicate, seeing as everyone you meet has trouble talking to you because your looks make them puke their intestines out. Like I said before though, hang in there!
== What? ==
What's that? You want to kiss me for my great advic- er, haha, n-no thank you, I will be perfectly alright without it! Seriously! Hey, don'-
AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
==See Also==
*You Are Dead
*You Are Gay
Category:You Are
Category:Ugly
Category:Articles written in the first person
Category:Fates worse than death
You Wrote This Article

Well done Jackass! You've just finished writing up this article, how shit clever you are!
Now I'm sure many questions are running through your head right now like "why don't I remember writing this?" and "am I the figment of my own imagination?", but I'll ask you to keep such queries to yourself until I've finished guiding you through your beautifully well written page.
==Congratulations!==
Once again, bravo! Making an article, let alone an article as hilarious as this one, is no easy work; it requires patience and discipline, talents that aren't graced to just anyone. Maybe this is an article you'll show to your internet friends? They should clearly be shown how devilishly witty you can be.
So this article is about you writing an article about writing an article? Absolute genius. Only the educated could understand such a thing, you're appealing to a very wise demographic!
 bojanglescanada was here getting sucked down by a call girl in world of whorecraft
==Uh-Oh==
The mods don't like this page, they say it's too stupid Awesome, they say it's too short Sexy. "How dare you write something as inane Cool as this article", they say! This is no good at all SUPER MEGA AWESOMRIFFIC. How are you going to rectify be sublimely rewarded for this? You could probably try to rewrite this article orgasm to turn it into something that might make Uncyclopedia a funnier and more entertaining website even better, but if no one else bothers to do that for their articles why should you?
==Your Final Solution==
* Spend six hours making article better
* Invite other Uncyclopedia writers to contribute to this article
* Article gets deleted.
* Lol.
* Kill All Jews Hitler
==See also==
* Why you fail
* How to fail better
Category:Uncyclopedia In-Jokes
Category:Meta
You are a Metalhead

You Are A Metalheadleft
You, (19?? – 20__), were born several years ago and now you are a metalhead.
Metal Metal Metal.
No whining or going into a hissy fit. You're supposed to take your anger out with violence. Because you're a metalhead.
You at least want some questions answered? 
You should probably get used to yelling, metal lad.
...And that also goes for the bitch right there that just said “I’m not a lad." You’re a metalhead too.
== Welcome to Metal ==
In your first and final venture into heavy fucking metal, you may notice how the weather is cold and snowy. Be very alarmed. Do not be alarmed. In fact, you may find in your metalhead state that approximately 65% of the sensations and phenomena you were familiar with in your non-metalhead days are conspicuously absent.
Remember how, when you weren't a metalhead, you wasted hours and hours watching Vh1 or MTV? Well, this is exactly like that. Except now it's Vh1 Classic or videos on Youtube. All the time. And forget about the watching football too. You watch "Metal: A Headbanger's Journey." You can now enjoy heavy metal talk shows and music videos. Because you're a metalhead.
As for your friends and family you love, please rest assured. They won't be surprised by the bomb you will drop on them. They knew something was up when you and Shaun always went out for fajitas with Behemoth blasting from the car's speakers, headbanged together to Destroyer 666, and went to a Dimmu Borgir concert every weekend. Your mother may even weep from disappointment, but don't count on it.
== Things to do while a metal head ==
*Buy CDs
*Go to concerts
*Practice Headbanging
*Kill Posers
== You Are a metalhead FAQ ==
*Q: I was an open minded person all of my life. I lived well, I respected all music, and I made every effort to not give a shit about what other people said. So, how does that change?
*A: Go to a party and head for the Forest of trOOness. If you find your way through it you come to a kvlt cave. Congratulations.
*Q: Can I do anything besides collecting CDs, travel, or head bang?
*A: Play an instrument?
*Q: If I hadn't read this article would I not be a metalhead?
*A: …Yes.
*Q: Is the bands I like just a matter of choice? 
*A: OF COURSE. Everything in life is based upon choice.
*Q: Can I go to church and get cured?
*A: No, you're soul has been sold to both Satan and Odin when you became a metalhead.
*Q: How about listening to a lot of rap?
*A: You would have become too closed minded. Sorry.
*Q: Can I listen to metal and rap? 
*A: Well sure, but you'd be a poser. 
*Q: Can I ever get laid?
*A: ...Maybe. Perhaps you can pick up a groupie from a concert.
== Closing ==
Category:You Are
Category:Metal
Category:Articles written in the second person
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Category:Pages that look like the things they're about (hidden)
You have two cows

<choose><option weight="10"></option><option>You have .</option></choose>
You have two cows is the ultimate philosophical truth. All categories except Category Nine (How mooriginal) may contain contributions from the Internet as well as Uncyclopedians. Mathematical proof that you have two cows lies in moometric identity:
Moo\cdot\left(\sin\left(Cow_{A}\right)+\cos\left(Cow_{B}\right)\right)\,\!=2\cdot{Cows}
This mathematical proof can also be written with the second moometric identity:
\log_{moo}{\left(Cow_{A}\right)}+\log_{moo}{\left(Cow_{B}\right)}\,\!=\log_{\left(2\,Cow\right)}{\left(Moo\right)}
Where Moo is the universal moometric constant.
A longstanding tradition of mathematics is discovering new truths pertaining to two-cow ownership. Currently, 45,893 45,894 45,895 45,896 45,897 45,898 45,899 45,900 are known.Nostradamus demonstrated in 1555 that the total number of two-cow truths is infinite.
A related but much more difficult problem is the identification of philosophical truths involving the ownership of three cows. An infinite number of these is also expected to exist, although this is unproven. To date, very few three-cow truths are known to exist, all of which have yet to be proven. In coming years this problem is expected to become much more important, as Microsoft has announced that the next version of WindowsIbid. will require users to have three cows, or, alternatively, two overmilked ones. Linux however needs only a pint of milk, but you need to deliver it through the command prompt with the use of four pipes, an awk and a sed.
==Related articles==
*Cow arson
*Cowation
*Cowbell
*Dinner
==External links==
*What will happen to your two cows
==References==
Category:Really long articles
Category:Bovines
Category:Articles written in the second person
Category:FA Economics‏
Category:FA Education‏
Category:FA Humour‏
Category:FA Politics
Category:FA Cows
‏
eo:Vi havas du bovojn
es:Usted tiene dos vacas
fr:Vous avez deux vaches
gl:Vostede ten dúas vacas
he:יש לך שתי פרות
hu:Van két tehened
it:Hai due mucche
ja:君は牛を二頭持っている。
ko:너는 소 두 마리를 가지고 있다
nl:Je hebt twee koeien
pt:Você tem duas vacas
th:ระบบเศรษฐกิจกับวัว
zh:你有两头母牛
zh-tw:你有兩頭牛
You have two cows/Zork

ZORK I: The Great Underground Empire
Copyright © June 22, 1979, 2005, 2006, 200X Unfocom, Inc. All rights reserved.
Revision 69105 / Serial Number 
There is a leaflet on the floor.
Stolen.
Welcome to the Zork page. In this space you will experience some of the most thrilling text action ever devised. It is a game of high skills and low cunning. In this adventure you will find some of the most dangerous creatures you've ever seen like e-
The rest of the leaflet has been torn.
Eurg!!
 
There is half a leaflet next to the Grue.
You know, you probably should have tried asking if the Grue likes cows, because he doesn't.
If you don't remember, cows are the enemies of Grues, because cows eat Grues to make farmers think that they've hit the jackpot in dairy products.
NO! DON'T TALK ABOUT THAT STUPID MOVIE! THE GRUE JUST ATE YOUR ASS! NOW GET OUTTA MY WAY QUICKLY!
|}
You should talk about penises - A letter to RAHB

April 14, 2009,
Dear ,
:It has come to my attention that you are the most experienced administrator running for the bureaucracy. I want you to know, you have my support. Your plan to fix Hufficare is ingenious. Your past experience as an ambassador to the Penis Nations during the Clitoris administration shows you are ready to deal with threats from vandals far more readily than any other candidate. Plus, your experience as the former Secretary of Sex shows you are the only person ready to deal with the ongoing sex crisis in this country.
:I see almost no way you could possibly lose the upcoming primaries. That is, unless Hilarious Clitoris decides to finally run for bureaucrat! But, come on, if she had ever intended to run, it would have been in 2005! No, I'm sure she'll never run. And that Urethra guy doesn't stand a chance against you. The only competition you'll have is in the general election against Vagina, but come on. The only thing that guy has is 666 (just like Ancient Uterus only has womb cancer). You've got this election locked up. Trust me.
:But, I have noticed you have neglected one crucial voting block in this country. Women. Don't worry, though. I have a foolproof way to lock up the female vote.
:You should talk about penises.
:We all know that women love penises. Just go and look at any six year old girl's Christmas list. What is the one thing you see each on each of them? No, not Barbies. Look closer. Not at the girls, at their Christmas lists! Now, tell me, what do you see? That's right. They all want a penis. Especially that little dyky girl. Not the one who has that dog. The one who lives across the street from the crazy foreigner. Yeah, that's the one!
:Just think about that for a second. How many of them do you think will get a penis? Six, maybe seven? This wish to have a penis will stay with most women for their entire lives. They'd do anything to own a penis. All you have to do is promise a penis to every woman who votes for you. When you become President, you can just claim that was just them imagining you said that. They'll forget after about a week or so, anyway.
:Just think about it. Don't let Vagina beat you to it. If he makes that promise, you'll be screwed. You gotta beat him to it. His ex-wives all have penises, for-Christ-sakes! You gotta make the promise first! 
:Hell, it'll help you secure the gay vote, too! Gay men love penises!
:Sincerely,
::Sockie Unreginass - Super-teen extraordinaire 
:*P.S. I heard you plan for your campaign rally call to be Yes we rape. That's great. Please use it.
:**P.P.S. Women also tend to love guys with beards. Long, brown ones! Also, they love it when men get a little muscular. It makes them feel more attracted to you. You should do it. You know, just grow a beard and gain some muscle. Trust me. You'll thank me later.
:***P.P.P.S. I heard from someone that you're an Asperger. I punched him in the nose. There's no WAY a guy named RAHB is an Aspie.
== RAHB's response ==
Yes! Penis rules!
Category:Articles written in the style of letters
Category:Penis
Category:Vanity
You there with the mop

You there with the mop was the guy who swept your floors and your mother. A well known phillopherseer-type thingy, he continues to produce great pieces of music even at the type when his country and himself was getting raped by little men with tiny hats and silly voices.
==Life and Times==
If you look at Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart's house of birth in Salzburg, in the German Reich, you will see a sign pointing to the main street. If you find the signs to the Airport, board a flight to Heathrow, UK, then take a train to Edinburgh. Wander around a bit (try their deep fried Mars bar, no?) and then board a ferry to Norway. Go to Capital City and look for a shady man with a deerskin hat and sunglasses. Go up to him and say 'the rooftops of the Afghan homes are speckly brown with sand'. He will then take you to an alleyway and show you a house. This house, in this very house was the birthplace of You there with the mop.
You there with the mop was born on the 31st of January, 1874. He took up arms for his country in the First World War, and then took up Paficism at the Danish Front. He discovered his skills with a mop whilst mopping up his wife.
This is where he quit his job as the Vietcong in the 60s and began to sweep the floors of the Prussian Embassey set up in Canada by the President of the United States, George W Bush. He swept there to his day of death, while working as a secret cleaning agent.
He died on the 25th December, 2001.
==People on you there with the mop==
Category:Old people
Category:This Guy
Category:Working for 'The Man'