Candy

I will talk about candy because no one else will and it's very yummy and the person in front of me is eating it rn and now I want some but I can't because I'm poooooooorrrrrrrrr.
== History ==
=== Early History and Creation ===
Candy was formed when the bowels of the ancient Earth spewed elements forth to tempt future inhabitants to develop obesity and quickly go back to dust or microbes.
A long time ago, in 200000 BC, the ancient Egyptians were hungry because food was boring. We humans were forced to eat food just because and now has become a common trait among us all. One day, a man named whose name is very real created the first depiction of what became to be known as candy. This candy was made from honey and other food that existed that long ago. According to Google, the candy looked weird as Colour was not yet invented. The guy shared the candy with his people.
With the power of ancient magic he was able to multiply his candy, cover it with pixie stick dust, and spread it all around the world and into space for the aliens to have as well. This caused the Ancient Aliens to visit earth. He was proclaimed a God among his people and due to this renamed himself to become known as the almighty Cand-ie, God of Candy. He died of vegetable envy before year 0, so technically he was immortal.
=== War on Candy ===
In the year 1834, with the help of the US government Ham Candy; the great great great great great great great great super great grandchild of the guy who invented candy, managed to created the kingdom of Candy Land. A year later the nation is unified and the tall, gangly, and sweet Empress Candy begins her reign. Unfortunately, her rule did not last long as she was assassinated in 1856, causing the nation to become bad, very confused, and mean. They caused the world's greatest disasters such as World War I as a way to profit off of candy due to troops having food that looked like utter bullshit. This success did not last long as constant arguments, trivia games, and disagreements cause the nation and industry to plummet in 1944, ending the legacy of Candy Land. Or so we thought.
=== Modern Candy ===
Today, the candy industry has been better than ever before. They profit off of children and depressed people by selling them candy with high amounts of sugar. Candy is better that before due to the invention of Colour causing it to look yummy and not like a piece of sh*t. Most candy is cheap which is why it was became berry popular and highly affordable. Many kids today are stupid and candy has helped to keep them dumber because we all know kids are f*cking stupid and will eat anything we give them.
=== New Candy Era ===
Some people were very bad and did not like children. So in 2019, those people did a bad thing and invented New Candy. New Candy is a poison that is radioactive, and it caused 99.99999999% of the world’s deaths, but many people are unaware of that, due to broccoli obsessiveness. You see, New Candy looked just like candy, which meant it was easy to hid with normal candy and have people eat them. Many people part of the New World Candy cult switched almost all the candy in stores to New Candy just in time for Halloween. When the spooky day came, people started coughing, licking rocks, and dying. The candy they ate was New Candy and caused them to get killed by the poison. New Candy was banned and the naughty and bad cult people were arrested and turned into potatoes.
== Why Candy Good? ==
Candy is yummy. Everyone loves candy. People who do not like candy are very bad and mean and must get arrested and turned into potatoes because they are bad. Candy is not healthy but nobody cares because the sweet and sourness of the candy makes our tummy feel happy. The reason our body loves candy is because Google says our brain loves candy because its like a drug to it and something about monkeys.
== Trivia ==
Candy is epic. Candy is candy as well! But candy is not always candy.
*Ham Candy is the child of Cand-ie and the inventor of Ham, Cow the Elder.
*Drugs are considered candy right?
*Halloween is Candy Day.
*A dentist invented cotton candy.
*British people call candy lollies because they love lollipops.
*No I'm not high.
 
Category:Desserts
Category:Food
Category:Articles that look like they were written by children