MR CRABS DIES!!!!11

A trollpasta made by me and a friend. Turning into something a bit bigger.
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== Chapter 1 ==
=== NOt CkrABS DyyING!!1 ===
I was sitting around in my living room, and my TV turned on on its own!!!!11 It showned an episode of SpogneBobSquarePants, which I'll never view the same afterards. I wish I could undo this. The theme song was normal for the first half, but then it showned a dead kid for a split second!!! Not any kid, but MY KID!!1 When I went to check up on him, he was GONE!!!!!!!!@#@ When I came back down, the theme song was still playing for some goddam reason. It kept repeating, was low-pitched and had SCREMING!1 the episdo started and was called Mr. Crabs dies! It started with Sponge Bob sitting in his bed with his back turnd, crying about how he was frired. THEN HE PULED OUT A NIFE AND WENT TO THE CRUSTY CRAB he frist ripped skwidard face off!!!!!!!#@%$#@ (aw hell naw) then he went to mr crab office and the knife became hyperrealistic sponge Bob eye became hyper real and then he hyper realistically stabbed mr crab who turned hypr realistic and spewed hyper realistic blod outa his hyper real cheszt.!,:n/=+p0 he then turned to the tv with his hyper realisitcly hyoerealistic eyes and said "i know were you live johnathaniel1!!!1!!!!1@" and I was a S H O C K. TEHN I HJEARD A KNOK ON ME DOR. AS IM WUZ ONCE WRITING THIS, SPLORGOBOLORPOBO BOOP ISWAS BANGING ON MY DOOR... I ANSWERED AFTR A FEW DAY AND HE KIL ME! I am ghost writing this and if u find MEh TV brurn it destrory it end it
=== AW HELL NAW, MR KRAB DEMISE BECAME AN ESSY PEE??? ===
Item #: SCP-8085
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-8085-A and -B are to be contained in neighbouring, standard-size cells, a distance of 1.5m away from each other. Under the circumstances SCP-8085 is breached, SCP-8085-A and -B are to be kept no less than a 1m distance between each other at all costs.
Description: SCP-8085-A is a standard tube television dating back to 19██. When turned on, it constantly plays a nonexistent to date episode of the children's show "SpongeBob SquarePants" entitled "Mr Crabs Dies" [sic]. It consists of SpongeBob, the titular character, crying about being fired from his job, then to kill the employees of the Krusty Krab, in the show renamed "Crusty Crabb" [sic]. It has been described as "painfully childish, cliché-ly morbid", by D-Class personnel over the age of 12. Persons equal to or under the age of 12 describe the episode as "something I never wanted to see now or ever." SCP-8085-B is the corpse of an unidentified, 20-year-old male. When in close proximity to SCP-8085-A, it will begin quivering. In a 0.5m radius of SCP-8085-A, it will become fully animate and will repeatedly attack SCP-8085-A until forcibly seized.
Addendum 8085-1: During a breach, SCP-8085-B experienced abnormal behavior. It animated despite not meeting the fulfilled requirements for it being fully triggered. It found the nearest writing utensil and wrote what appears to be a diary entry on the nearest flat surface. It reads, verbatim:
After writing this, SCP-8085-B began to develop suicidal tendencies. SCP-8085-B's containment cell is now equipped with restraints.
== Chapter 2 ==
=== See ya, Dad ===
Okay… Dad’s just gone. He died, and he’s been taken away by some men in black suits. The definition of “gone” and a bag of chips. They tried to tranquilize me or some shit, but I fuckin’ ran away. Also I have a hunch he thought I was dead. Maybe it was just me. To be honest, I wouldn't even be surprised if he fell for a scam that doxxed us or something. He was really vulnerable and, admittedly, quite dumb. Feel bad for the man. Not to mention this constant feeling of being watched… I just can’t seem to shake it off. I’m sure it’s just in my head. I ran a fair distance, and I’ve kept running when so much as a breeze seems too cold. No way am I taking any chances. The weirdest thing is that our TV was playing the SpongeBob theme in reverse or something like that. I just find that peculiar, to say the least. It’s not like Satan is trying to trick me with an ages-old creepypasta trick or something. The whole thing was kind of a blur to be honest. I went in the closet to get clothes… something about Dad panicking… then he died… creepy men… I ran away… No details in memory at the moment. Hopefully, nothing important had slipped my mind. All I know completely for sure is that today is the worst day ever. Wait… I see something in the trees.
It’s not one of those men, but… someone fully dressed in a SpongeBob costume. Covered in blood. Holding a knife. Behind the mesh of the suit, I could feel him staring manically at me. I blinked. The image was too ridiculous. But it was still there. The person inched closer, and I ran away. Why was this killer dressed as SpongeBob?! Does he have something to do with my dad??? …I put the pieces together. Dad watched a cursed episode of SpongeBob or something. It was likely made to be rather unassuming due to its possible lack in quality. But, Dad’s Dad. A similar child to me must have popped on screen like cheesy creepypastas do. Dad never checks in the closet, so he must’ve assumed I died. This snowballed into the SpongeBob killer, then the men. They tried to do something to me, and I managed to run. Now I’m here, being chased by the killer. …Then I had realised something that made my heart lodge up in my throat. My first realization hit me like a dump truck. It slowed me down. It had slowed me down enough to allow the killer to catch up. I am in his arms. He’s taking me somewhere. Oh God. 
He eventually took me to a room. A blank room. A blank, and dirty room. There are bodies EVERYWHERE. They’re all mangled in ways that I could never describe. It’s repulsive. The killer had locked me in here… how could he butcher me? I’m afraid. So very afraid. There seemed to be nothing to break out with. I’m doomed. All there is is walls, a floor, a ceiling, and a door. No tools. Just bodies. Then… I had an idea. While waiting for the killer to return, I could pretend to eat the bodies like a gross, disgusting cannibal. The mesh on his suit must impair his vision a little, making it look somewhere real. This should distract him enough to allow me to escape. Fat chance that he would be repulsed by this, but it’s my only hope. …So, I started acting. The killer came back in no time. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see that he froze, and walked away, hunched over, as if about to throw up. I was a bit surprised, but ran away. The building was big. Eventually, I made it to the exit. It was unlocked. I ran away as far as I could. I’m in the woods. I’m lost. That’s great. Now there’s a killer and the bootleg FBI after me. I wish I could’ve saved Dad… but I guess, for now, I'm gonna be constantly on the run. The best outcome here would be to be mauled by a bear or something, because at this point, I don't think happily dying of old age is even possible for me anymore. Humph.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:SpongeBob
Category:Lost Episodes
Category:WHAT A TWIST!
Category:English Class Failure
Category:Hyper-realistic