Soggy Sandwiches: The Tale of the Third Boogaloo

I remember last night I was in the Wallmart parking lot wacking my gack to pictures of Spiderman. (God damn it Parker, where are those pictures?) It wasn't long until the police arrived and tried to break into my van. Little did they know I was actually on the roof with buckets of my "special juice" ;).
a few soggy sandwiches later
god damn politicians put me in jail again. I guess that's what I get for stealing badly made box art from bleach. Deviantart is a bitch. Anyway, I have an appointment with Bubba Buns in an hour, so I need to shave.
half a soggy sandwich later I walked into Bubba Bun's Office for Naughty Neanderthals. he sat at his giant grand wood desk, adorned with remarkable craftsmanship and woodcarvings only able to be preformed by an italian carpenter living off of welfare with his taller little brother. The excellency of the worksmanship of this table sent my boner into orbit. "Like what you see?" Bubba said, in his deep, hard, south african american voice that was only matched by the golden voice Dane Cook. He spinned around on his elaborate brown leather chair. It just dawned on my just now, if i'm in a prison, how did THIS hothead get the promotion and I didn't? I must've not had a good flight plan. He stood up, he was so super jacked that cheez its might want some copyright money. He didn't even need to unzip his pants. I COULD SEE EVERYTHING. Hypnotized by his monster d0ng, I knew what I had to do, I had to take his toad to the mushroom kingdom!
A few chromosomes later I broke out of jail with only a plastic fork and those horrible rubbery hot dogs that you throw on the ground and they bounce everywhere, remember that from high school? Yeah it was funny. After I broke out I had only one thing on my mind: I have to buy a shitty translated version of Shrek Super Slam for the Gamecube. So i did the resonable thing and went on eGAY and got the game for 2,934,234.12 pesos (i have my connections shut up) I drove to the house where the dude was selling it. It was an old man who was a satanist and didn't like cream cheese. He had a garage sale going on with just the game on the table. I thought I might as well be nice and greet the nice young puerto rican elder. "How are you today, Admiral?" He told me that the game was free and that i should take it quickly. Only after he did a satanic sanic voodoo aztec ritual on it. After he did that dumb horseshit I eagerly picked up my new suppository experiment. I was sticky and smelled like mustard, with DUKNOY.PNG was scawled on it with hyper realistic blood red crayon on the box art.
after the 50 years it took to get back to my house on foot i pooped the game into my compooter and instantly played the game. When I went to the title screen the Kefka laugh played in reverse at mach 10 as soon as I pressed start. Then hyperrealistic blood began oozing out of my computer monitor. Oh wait, it's the jelly from the SOGgy sandwiches i was making earlier. Silly me! Then, Mutahar burst through my monitor with the force of a thousand dildos and said unto me in his godly presence:
"ur waifu is shit m8"
God damn it Eddie Murphy, why didn't you tell me? It was so painfully obvious! But before I could go on, my speech was interrupted by a voice all too familiar. It couldn't be, It was impossible! he was killed long ago in the FIRST boogaloo! It was Guy Fieri and his fellow companions: Josh Peck, Gordon Ramsey, and that one asshole from the second boogaloo: too hot two handle! "WELCOME TO FLAVORTOWN" was the last thing i heard before I lost consciousness and diead.
BUuuuut I got resurrected by Imaru and the gang and was formed into Mega Bonzi Buddy; Revolution 3. Why they even bothered is beyond me. I shit my pants immediately being in their presence realizing that I was THE ORIGINAL CHARACTER ZONIC DO NOT STEAL PLS this entire time! "I was in the top of my class in the sonic fighting academy!" I said as I fisted my own anus. It's all ogre now, folks!
I'm out of soggy sandwiches
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Vidya games
Category:WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT
Category:Hyper-realistic
Category:Inside Jokes