Huff Me

Hey, Admin! This article is yours to huff. You have done this to about all of my great articles so now i will let you come do it again you slimy, no-good, pile of smoldering POOP!
= HUFF ME ADMIN =
You heard me! huff this article and maybe if you feel up to it you could slap a NRV tag on it, just like all but one of my articles, most of which were GOLD!
You incessant twat, nothing's good enough for you is it!? You just sit there in your ivory tower looking down on us normal Uncyclopedians, destroying our witty and original work before it even has a chance! 
If you like huffing articles so much here's a free shot! I'm tired of putting up with this crap, I know I can't win so you might as well just get it over with.
== Things You Can Huff ==
* This Article
* Kittens
* Cows
* Cocaine, lots and lots of cocaine
* Quality articles that you might not like but the rest of the world will
= Why This Article Sucks =
An encyclopedic tone?
*HA! I don't fuckin' think so
Being funny and not just stupid?
*Not on my watch!
Using in-jokes sparingly?
*AAAAAAAAA! How could you think we would leave an article without Wilde and Euroipods?
Humor Value?
*<0
Is it tasteless?
*8=====D It's funny 'cause it looks like a wang
Time and effort?
*Don't make me laugh
Annoying links to random stupid articles?
*Oh, you better believe it!
Stagnant Jokes?
*In Soviet Russia, joke repeats you to death!
Funny Picture?
*No, burn in hell
Original?
*Unless sucking is original! 
Oh, and...
* I just fucked your sister!!!! Whoo is she nice!!
= DO IT! =
Step right up! For absolutely NO CHARGE you can huff this article while it's waiting while it's waiting for you to. Come on, you know you want to huff this little article. Come on, DO IT YOU BITCH!!! This articles main life goal is being huffed. How many times do I have to tell you !?! Look at the title of this artcle. It says "Huff Me", not to mention it says that like 20 billion times in the article. Huff Me!
= Song =
:Huff me all over! Huff me again!
:Why don't you huff me, you little admin?
:Come here and huff me, one more time!
:This article ain't worth a dime!
:OW!
:C'mon, C'mon, it's just one click
:Just one click, it'll be quick
:This whole article is just so lame
:Huff me, Huff me, then forget my name
:YEAH!
= Huff, Huff, and More Huff. =
You guys huffed my World's Longest Sentence and it was a record with 500 thousand words or something! Your website would be a record-holding website, but no, you had to huff a record article. So huff this one too! Huff huff huff huff! That's all you do! Let me tell you how: HUFF IT! Vote it for deletion! Whatever! Just dump the page! Come on, this page has been around for a while. Do something with it. At this point it is either Feature of HUFF HUFF HUFF! Try it! It will be fun. And as my song says, it will be one click. Or maybe more. But the quick part is right! Do it!!!!!
== Kittens and Articles ==
You guys rejoice in huffing things. You huff kittens and articles, and you don't even care about the lonely Jack who wants his article to be read by the world and not to be huffed in a week, YOU HUFF IT!! Not to mention you probably huff it because of all those kittens you huffed before! Let's make it clear: Huff Kittens, Huff this article. It's simple. Why don't you get it? In fact, just blow it away! Huff it! Delete it! Come on!
= Things Better Than This Article = 
*Seeing a good movie
*Genocide
*Blackmail
*Goatse
*Sex
*Bitting into an oatmeal raisin cookie when you think it's chocolate chip
*Eating a plate of crappy food your girlfriend made that you only finish so she won't feel bad
*Getting a discount
*Stubbing your toe
*Stubbing your penis
*Stubbing every part of your body at the same time
*The vocal stylings of this man
*The vocal stylings of this man
*Spending eternity in Hell
*"Gold Digger" by Kanye West
*9/11
*$5 footlongs at Subway
*Guitar Solos
*STD's 
*Comic Books
*New Jersey
*Licking toes
*Power levels at or above the numerical value of 9,000
*Wikipedia
*Game Boys
*Getting struck by lightning
*Pizza 
*Erectile Dysfunction
So there you have it. Both pleasant and unpleasant examples of thing/place/ideas that are better than this particular Uncyclopedia article
= Still no? =
So, you've made it this far and you still haven't conjured up the will to put this thing out of its misery? c'mon, I even made a list! What's wrong with you? Do you think there's going to be some redeeming value to this? That later on down the page you're gonna read something that'll make you burst into uncontrollable laughter? If so then you're a fucking moron.
= For goodness sake! =
Fucker, what the FUCK!?! How hard is it to kill off ONE article?! ONE fucking page of text and maybe a few pics. How much data is that? A few kilobytes? Who's gonna fuckin' notice? I've tried to be nice, I really have, but my patience is wearing thin. This is your last chance...
FUCK YOU! I just wanted an article huffed but you couldn't even do that for me! I shall kill your entire family for this! Then I'll banish you to sixth realm of the Forbidden Zone where you'll wander an endless plain alone for all eternity! It's gonna happen, you'll see. 
But until then, how about you kill some time by deleting this article?
= Related Articles =
*Fuck Uncyclopedia
*Uncyclopedia is the Worst