You have two cows/8

;Anaesthesiologists : We have numbed your two cows.
;4chan : You have 2 /c/fags.
;Anime nerds : Kawaii Japanese cows are sooooo much better than American baku baku cows, foolish darkInuyasha93-chan!
;Arabians : You have two cows. You sacrifice them for great Allah.
;Binary : You have 10 cows.
;Bohemians : You don't have two cows, because you can't 'have' anything.
;Cable Repair Men : We'll fix your cows sometime between 7:00am to 9:30pm on Wednesday. We might also steal your TV while we're at it, and fuck up your carpet with our shoes.
;CATS : ALL YOUR TWO COWS ARE BELONG TO US.
;Conspiracy Theorists : Your two cows actually never landed on the moon. They also discovered advanced technology by digging up a crashed alien spaceship.
;Emos : You have two cows. They hate you. You hate them.
;Gamers : You have two cows. You sell the same milk to them over and over again in different packaging and they scorn other producers' milk because "it's the same thing over and over again"
:Gamers 2 : You have two cows. The gamers whine for decades that they want you to market the milk to them in new ways. Then you try, only for them to bitch about how much it's a gimmick and that it's no good. They continue to whine about wanting new ways and how similar all the milk is. 
: Gamers 3 : You have two cows, one is named FPS, another is RPG. RPG is not allowed under ANY circumstance to do the same thing twice and must give something new every two seconds, otherwise it is flagged as a crappy cow and nobody wants its milk. FPS is allowed to be as mind-numbingly simplistic and repetitive as any other cow and the milk is worshipped as seacred anyway.
:Gamers 4 : You have two cows. Everyone whines about how bad your milk is but you still make a lotta money just putting cheap unpasteurized milk out on the market because those suckers buy it anyway. 
:PC gamers : You have two cows. Because you have your technology to milk cows, those who don't use it are tards and fags, while you deny the elitists and idiots are nonexistent in your technology users. You then whine about how the technology becomes accessible to them despite how you claim you have a better version of it anyways.
;Generation X : You have two cows, so what, you feel disenfranchised.
;Generation Y/Millennials : You have two cows. You milk both at the same time while eating a sandwich, changing tracks on your iPhone, and catching up on your Facebook. 
;Indie kids : Each person has one cow. You have two cows, because you're different. Now each person has two cows, because they're different too.
;Internal Revenue Service : 33% of your two cows belong to us.
;Ku Klux Klan : You have two cows. One is black. You decide it is lazy and it smells bad, so you kill its nigger ass.
;Light bulb jokes : Q: How many cows does it take to change a light bulb ? 
:A: Two.
;Liverpool F.C. : You have 11 cows. One of them is called Steve and takes the credit for all of their successes.
;Marching Bands : You have two cows. They won't stop making "That's what she said" jokes and talking about tromboners.
;Naturists : Mother Cow, oh mother cow.
;Paedophiles : These really cool two cows are a short ride away, and they're full of sweeties. Just get in the car.
;PeTA : You have two cows. PeTA frees them, kicks you in the balls, and petition Congress to make cows an indangered species.
;Pretentious Artists : You have two cows. WHAT?! YOU ARE NOT DRAWING ULTRA-REALISTIC?! YOU MUST NEVER EVER EVER EVER PICK UP A PIECE OF PAPER OR A PENCIL EVER AGAIN!!! YOU WILL NEVER DEVELOP AS AN ARTIST!!!!!
;Porn Stars : Sure I've done it with 2 cows before. Scene 2 Act 1: The Bull
;Script Kiddies : 4ll j00r c0wZ 4r3 83l0n6 t0 u5
;Statistician : Statistically speaking, you are less than 14 feet away from 2 cows at any time. 
;Student Cowncil : You vote for two cows, a president and a vice president, based entirely on popularity and the attractiveness of their cowspots. Then you excuse them from class so they can think of peppy new names for the same stuff they do every year. They have no actual influence, so they just gossip about prom night.
;System Administrators : You had two cows, but due to a server crash (and lack of proper backup) they are yours no longer.
;System administrators 2: You have two cows. I just reset their passwords to #%rtT-.9hY6" and !0)Om,=J4/9>'
;Vegetarians:You have two cows. You drink their milk, but don't eat any part of them.
;Vegans: You have two cows. You don't use them as anything more than company.
;Fruitarians: You have two cows. You eat the grass with them.
;Microsoft : You have two cows. One of them performs an illegal operation and must be shut down.
;Islamic Terrorists : Infidel cows, prepare to die at the hands of the reat Allaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! *ka-boom*
;Yuppies : You have two cows, Patrick Bateman has three, never mind baby, cows are for shits and wets.
;Zoo Keepers : Obviously, we have two cows... in the petting zoo.
;Kidnappers : We have your two cows. Unless you leave two million dollars in a brown paper bag we'll start sending them back to you, steak by bloody steak. You have 24 hours.
;Baggage Handlers : Your 2 cows got lost in transit. Sorry.
;Australian Baggage Handlers : We might know something about the two cows found in your surfboard case, but we want an unlimited amnesty first.
;Sports : You have two cows. One of them wants to be traded to another team. She demands to be traded to a contending team with a good quarterback, cause your all star quarterback is usually out in left field. Your other cow is holding out for a better contract. She refuses to play until you increase her salary by 900%
;Post Modernism: You have two cows. You put them in a field. You milk them.
;Halo hippies: I HAVE TWO COWS AND YOU DON'T HAHA LOLLERS! STUPID GODAMNED FUCKING MOTHERFUCKER!!!
;Chuck Norris hippies: Chuck Norris kills your two cows with a round-house kick. You die.
;Math nerds: Add one cow to another cow and you have two cows.
;Artists: I drew two cows. They are a post-modernist deconstructionist viewing of two cows that are in a field belonging to Farmer Ben. If you just see two cows instead of my meaning, then you are an uneducated philistine and do not deserve art. 
;Furry artists: I drew two cow-men. They're having sex, this is so awesome!
;DeviantART artists: I drew Sora and Sephiroth as two cow-men. Now I think I'll draw the Turks...
;YTMND users: The robots have taken my two cows. Please send help.
;Google groups: You have two posts on alt.animals.cows.
;Zaire: You have two cows. They are infected with Ebola hemhorrogic fever. Now you have two cows bleeding out from every orfice. Way to go, Richard Preston.
;Pickpockets: "Look! Two cows!" *Disappears into crowd*
;Unskilled pickpockets: "Look! Two cows!" *Dashes off, holding your purse*
;Stupid pickpockets: "Look! Your Purse!" *Dashes off, holding two cows*
;Lawyers: The state has charged John Q. Cow with the third degree murder of his wife, Jane Q. Cow. We the state must try to prove three elements to you the jury. If you believe that we have met all three of these elements, please render a verdict of "guilty". They are:
1. Hamburgers are delicious.
2. Milk has calcium.
3. Oscar Wilde is God.
;Most Fans in the world: You have two cows. WHAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!