Hot Dogs, Horseshoes & Hand Grenades/Machine Guns

=Machine Guns=
All of H3's machine guns fall under a single category, which is under the broader class of "support" weapons (alongside the weapons of the next and final pages). This includes light, general-purpose, heavy, and rotary machine guns; fortunately, the category is referred to in-game simply as "machine guns", and not as "light machine guns" like in many games.
=="Aerial Denier"==
Update #98 Big Patch 2 brought along the "Aerial Denier", an alternate weapon for the Heavy class in Meat Fortress. The weapon consists of the barrels of a General Dynamics GAU-19/A (complete with triangular flash hider and larger-than-normal-caliber chambering - in-game, it uses the same "18x50mm Packawhollop" ammo as the Sniper Rifle), attached onto the receiver of the standard TF2 Minigun; it is not simply a handheld GAU-19/A, however, as it still has 6 barrels - two complete barrel assemblies stick out of the receiver and fire simultaneously, making the weapon even more uncontrollable than a "regular" handheld GAU-19.
==Bren Mk 2==
Update #50 brought along a Bren gun, more specifically the Mk2 variant. Due to the fact that bipods were being updated and tuned at the time of Update #50's release, the variant added instead was one with a shortened barrel and no bipod or carrying handle, with the standard variant added later, in the eleventh alpha of Update #52.
Images of the full-length Bren courtesy of Reddit user Shubishu.
==Browning M2HB==
The 2018 4th of July Update (more formally known as Update #56) added a modified Browning M2HB, known as the "M2 Tombstone". It has a shortened barrel, and is fitted with a pair of top-mounted grips and a bracket for fitting an belt box; the latter serves as its namesake, with the weapon feeding from the 200-round tombstone-shaped ammo cans more normally associated with M2s in AA mounts. The icing on this incredibly absurd cake is the American flag paintjob on the receiver, for that extra patriotic flavor.
==Chatellerault FM24/29==
The Chatellerault FM 24/29 was added on Day 19 of the Meatmas 2022 Advent Calendar event, marking two notable points - the game's first French machine gun, and only its second gun at all chambered in 7.5x54mm French (the first being the much-earlier added MAS-49/56).
thumb|none|450px|Chatellerault FM 24/29 - 7.5x54mm French
==CIS Ultimax 100 Mark 3==
The much-requested CIS Ultimax 100, specifically the Mark 3 version, was added in (fittingly enough) Update #100.
==Degtyaryov DP-28==
Included in the 11th alpha build of Update #52, the Degtyaryov DP-28 comes in both full-length and shortened variants, as with the earlier WW2-era LMGs.
Screenshots of the shortened variant courtesy of Reddit user Shubishu.
==Dillon Aero M134 Minigun==
The "Meat Fortress" update/Team Fortress 2 crossover added a recreation of the TF2 Heavy's "Sasha", a handheld Dillon Aero M134 Minigun with a 200-round ammunition drum seemingly inspired by the feed system of the M61 Vulcan mounted in the F/A-18 Hornet.
thumb|none|450px|Airsoft handheld M134 Minigun - (fake) 7.62x51mm NATO
=="The Ferryman"==
The last (and undoubtedly most absurd) weapon from Sulfur added in Update #114's first Patch is the "Ferryman". A weapon devised by someone in dire need of medication, the Ferryman is a compact, vaguely FN P90/Heckler & Koch G11-esque weapon, with a top-mounted translucent polymer magazine similar to the former (barring the rounds being stored vertically like the latter, rather than horizontally) holding 20 rounds of .50 BMG.
It is classified as a machine gun in H3VR, while Sulfur calls it a rifle (and its description therein states that it's a "compact anti-materiel submachine gun designed for tank crews", making up a completely new class of weapon for it). It's difficult to call any of these specifically right or wrong (perhaps barring the last one) - no real precedent exists for such things beyond the prototype Russian 6P62 (and even that is significantly larger than the Ferryman), and they can justifiably be referred to either as select-fire anti-materiel rifles or as lightweight heavy machine guns.
==FN M240B==
Update #101 (AKA the 2021 Meatmas event) brought along the much-requested FN M240, specifically its Bravo variant.
==FN M249-E2 SAW==
Update #52 brought along the game's first two belt-fed weapons, the first being the FN M249 SAW, specifically the E2 variant. This is one of the few depictions where the magazine well is useable; this can result in some hilarious situations, such as acquiring the M249 as a random roll in Take & Hold but with ten-round magazines as your only ammo option.
==Gatling Gun==
An 1800s-era Gatling Gun was added to the Wurstworld scene in Update #43, though there were indications of its not-present presence when the mode was first released; several red-colored versions were also mounted in various places throughout the old version of the Meatmas Snowglobe scene. Update #56 (the 2018 4th of July Update) added a handheld version (chambered in .45-70), rather affectionately nicknamed "Hand Crank Frank". The "Meatal Gear Ronch", a walking mech boss that serves as the target of the 6th and final gamemode in Meatmas 2018's "Cappocolosseum" scene, has several of them mounted on its shoulders; these forward-facing guns use somewhat simplified models, likely to keep the mech's polycount at a reasonable level.
==="Hand Crank Frank"===
==General Dynamics GAU-17/A==
A T2-style handheld General Dynamics GAU-17/A is one of the firearms added in the 2016 Meatmas update, arguably the most fun, and indisputably the most absurd. While logically implausible, it does have one curious "realistic" touch - attempting to fire the weapon one-handed will cause it to spontaneously eject itself from the user's hand and go flying backwards under recoil; this has less to do with realism and more to do with the fact that protracted one-handed fire of a minigun would wreak havoc on the physics engine - not to mention the performance implications of firing two miniguns at once.
thumb|none|450px|Airsoft handheld M134 minigun - (fake) 7.62x51mm NATO
==Lahti-Saloranta LS/26==
The Lahti-Saloranta LS/26 was added on Day 21 of the Meatmas 2022 Advent Calendar event.
==Lewis Assault Phase Rifle==
This lesser known prototype variant of the Lewis Gun was added on day 23 of the Meatmas 2022 advent calendar event. Two variants were added; one with a wooden foregrip (Mk3), and one with a vented barrel shroud (Mk2). Unlike the concurrently-added Lewis Gun, they are chambered in .30-06.
==Lewis Gun==
Along with its more conventional, less-produced siblings above, the much-awaited Lewis Gun was added on Day 23 of the Meatmas 2022 Advent Calendar event.
thumb|none|450px|Lewis Gun - .303 British
==M1918A2 BAR==
Update #50 added an M1918A2 Browning Automatic Rifle to H3. For the same reasons as the Bren gun's changes, the BAR included with the update also had a shortened barrel without a carrying handle or bipod; Update #52's 11th alpha build added the full-length version.
Interestingly, the shortened variant is rather reminiscent of Clyde Barrow's cut-down BAR, though that weapon was actually an original M1918, rather than an A2, and had a shortened stock as well as a truncated barrel. The version in H3 is also clearly meant to be an A2, considering the safe-slow-fast selector.
Update #101 added an additional variant, the "Fire Walker"; this version is Meat Fortress-oriented, and is stylized accordingly.
Update #114 Alpha 2 added an even shorter variant named the "BARbine". It is based on a photoshopped image made by Twitter user @LumMagnum, and features a barrel and gas system only slightly longer than the forend; it also has a sawn-off stock, something which would realistically require a rather significant re-working of the gun's internals, given that the BAR's stock contains its recoil spring.
===Shortened===
==="Fire Walker"===
==="BARbine"===
==M60==
Added with the full release of Update #72, the much-awaited M60 is available in H3VR, notably being its first 7.62x51mm machine gun (barring the handheld GAU-17/A). Of note is that the weapon was actually added a few updates prior, albeit in cartoonish "Sosigun" form, rather than as a normal firearm.
==M60E3==
To complement the above M60, Update #84 brought along the lightened M60E3.
==M60E4 / Mk 43 Mod 1==
Along with the M60E3, the 2019 Meatmas update added an M60E4 - or, to be more precise, a Mk 43 Mod 1, a Navy-issued variant of the E4 that differs near-solely in having extra rail mounts.
==MG42==
The second belt-fed weapon added to H3 in Update #52 was the famous (or infamous, depending on which end of it one finds oneself on) MG42. Originally only available with its 50-round Sturmtrommel belt box, the near-perpetual fan requests for a higher-capacity belt eventually led to the creation of a 200-round "GiantBox", seemingly based on the belt boxes used with the MG42's successor, the MG3.
==PKM==
The long-awaited PKM was added in Update #112; one departure from reality is that this version of the PKM uses disintegrating belts of ammunition, as the game does not simulate non-disintegrating belts or loose ammo belts for performance reasons.
==RPD==
One of the 5 Meatmas Day gifts in 2018 was an RPD; amusingly enough, this was only the second-largest gift, the largest also being the smallest.
==RPK==
The RPK is one of the numerous firearms added in the first Meatmas update. At the time, it was actually referred to as a Vepr-3V, the civilian semi-auto version of the RPK, but Update #32 changed it into a military full-auto model. It was then removed in Update #52 for rebuilding, and wasn't heard from until it returned to the game with a new model on day 20 of the Meatmas 2020 Advent Calendar event.
=="Sentry Gun"==
Update #83 added a much-requested feature to the Meat Fortress gamemode: the Engineer's Dispenser and Sentry Gun. Since H3 lacks a conventional HUD, the building-construction system had to be considerably reworked; buildings are created by thrown objects, and most critical functions are performed through button-presses on the Dispenser. Additionally, the Sentry cannot be reloaded by whacking it with a wrench (as it is in TF2), with it instead using detachable pan magazines that auto-eject when they run empty.
While the Sentry Gun itself is fictional in design, its mounting is a rather close (if stylized) replica of the Maxim MG08's distinctive four-legged "sledge" mount.
==Stoner 63==
The Stoner 63 in its Commando configuration (but with a LMG long barrel) was added on day 23 of the Meatmas 2020 Advent Calendar event.
thumb|none|600px|The Stoner 63; Two for the price of one!
thumb|none|600px|Jokes aside, when comparing the LMG and AR variants, you may notice something unusual.
thumb|none|600px|Namely, that the receiver for the LMG configuration is just the AR receiver turned upside-down. This effects the loading procedure since everything's now on the opposite side.
thumb|none|600px|For example, unlike most LMGs, the belt feeds from the right and ejects to the left. Good for left-handed users, though.
thumb|none|600px|And with the charging handle located on the bottom of the barrel, one has to wonder how they're supposed to hold this weapon while firing without the bipod.
thumb|none|600px|With the carry handle, perhaps?
thumb|none|600px|The Stoner 63 LMG has adjustable sights. Here we have the default sights...
thumb|none|600px|And the ladder sights, which go to a maximum of 1000m.
thumb|none|600px|The Stoner is one of the better weapons for dealing with Agile drones. They may be agile, but they're not agile enough for sustained fire.
==Valmet M78==
The Valmet M78 was added in Alpha 4 of update #110. Specifically, it is the 7.62x51mm export model.
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