Arthur's Lost Library Book/Transcript

(Arthur shows us around the Elwood City Library...)
Arthur: The library's great. It's got all kinds of music to listen to... (walks past Mr. Haney dancing to some 50s-style rock music playing from a headset) ...story time for kids. 
(We see Mr. Ratburn putting on a puppet show, reenacting the painting "The Sleeping Gypsy"...) 
D.W., Bear, Rabbit: AAAAAH!
Nigel Ratburn: (as the lion, coughs) Whoa! I'm not eating that. It's spoiled! (the kids laugh) 
Arthur: And books for everybody! (he approaches his friends reading)
Brain: Did you know that chalk is derived from fossilised seashells? 
Francine: I'm reading about sports rules so I know officially how much better I am than everybody else. Unless you would like to challenge me? 
Arthur: Sorry Francine, Buster just called me. (dashes off)
Buster: No, I didn't. (laughs as he reads a joke book) 
Arthur: What are you reading? 
Buster: A joke book. Hey, what do you call two banana peels? 
Arthur: I don't know. 
Buster: A pair of slippers! (he and Arthur enjoy a good laugh) 
Arthur: I love it here, but last week I never thought they'd let me in again.
Paige Turner: (from off-screen) Shhh!
(The title card plays, and then a mysterious green monster hand with yellow warts takes a book off a library shelf...)
Monster: Chapter 1.  Arthur Goes To The Library.
(Arthur and his friends arrive at the library, and Arthur begins selecting books to take out...)
Arthur: I'll get this one and....Wow! I'll have to read that!  This too. 
Francine: Why don't you just take one?
Arthur: One? I wanna read them all.  And this one too. (goes to the check-out desk) 
Paige Turner: You're one under the limit. 
Arthur: You mean I can take one more? 
Paige Turner: The new Scare Your Pants Off is in.
Arthur: (takes a look) Wow! The Mysterious Hand. (other kids overhear Arthur and rush to grab the book) It's brand new!  No-one has ever opened it! (takes it) 
Francine: Come on Arthur, you have enough books already!
Buster: You can't read them all in two weeks. 
Sue Ellen: No, give it to me. 
(They chase Arthur to the check-out desk, but it's too late; Arthur has checked it out.) 
Arthur: I wanna read it first, then you can. (takes his books, dons his bicycle helmet and leaves) 
Buster: Don't be a pig! 
Francine: That's too many!
Brain: You already have enough books. 
Arthur: This isn't too many.  You're mad 'cause you were too slow. (takes off on his bicycle) 
All: Oh, man!
(But as Arthur rides, trying to balance all his books, a tree branch knocks The Mysterious Hand off the top of the pile without noticing. We see a boy's hand picking up the book...)
(The "Mysterious Hand" rips a week's worth of pages off a calendar...)
Monster.: Chapter 2.  One Week Later.
(Jane is doing laundry, but finds one of Arthur's library books.)
Jane Read: Arthur!
Arthur: What? What, Mom? 
Jane Read: I found this in the laundry.  You have to be careful with library books.
Arthur: I AM careful.
Jane Read: Aren't they due soon?
Arthur: Next week. I still have a couple left to read.
(In the treehouse, Arthur and Buster are trading baseball cards...)
Arthur: I'll give you two of these for one of those, and two more for that one.
Buster: Is that one of your library books? 
Arthur: Oh, yeah. How did it get out here? 
Buster: Was The Mysterious Hand good? 
Arthur: Oh, wow! I forgot I had that one.
Buster: Well, nobody else did. There's a waiting list to take it out after you return it.
Arthur: I'll start it tonight.
(Arthur gathers the rest of his library books, but can't find The Mysterious Hand book. He looks under his bed...)
Arthur: Hmm! 
D.W.: What are you hiding from? 
Arthur: I'm not. I'm looking for The Mysterious Hand. 
D.W.: There it is. 
Arthur: (bumps his head) Ow!  Where is it? 
D.W.: Over here! (she makes a shadow of her hand with Arthur's nightstand lamp) 
Arthur: D.W.! 
D.W.: (running out of the room) Mom, Arthur's chasing me! 
Arthur: Where did I put it?
(A montage shows Arthur looking for the book in the laundry basket, in the living room, and in David's catering kitchen...)
David Read: I looked at those books when you brought them home.  You didn't have that one.
Arthur: I didn't?  Someone could have taken it when I was leaving the library.  This calls for detective work. I have to call Buster.  (walks out of the garage with Pal) Wait! I can't call Buster. He's a suspect.  Everybody's a suspect.  No, not everybody.  There's one person who would never want to read that book, or any book.
(In their classroom, Arthur comes up to Binky...)
Binky: You want me to help you find out who took some dopey book?
Arthur: You're the only one who can help me, Binky. You don't even read comic strips. 
Binky: (making a weird face) If they were good, they'd be on TV.  What do you want me to do? 
Arthur: We have to cleverly narrow down the suspects.
Binky: Do I get a badge? 
Arthur: No.
(A "Private Eye" badge swirls towards the camera on a purple background...)
Monster.: Chapter 3.  The Investigation.
(The Mysterious Hand moves the "Private Eye" screen down to reveal Arthur Binky towering over some kids...)
All: AAAAAAAaaaaAAAAAAAh!
(No luck. Arthur and Binky confront George in the cafetorium reading a book, but he doesn't have it. Outside the school, Arthur watches The Brain in a tree, but falls off the branch...)
Arthur: Uh... (chuckles nervously) Hi, Brain.
(Later at the Sugar Bowl, Arthur shows three drawings of suspects to Binky as they have hot chocolate and donuts...)
Arthur: I've narrowed it down to three suspects - Buster Baxter, Francine Frensky, and Sue Ellen Armstrong.  How did you do? 
Binky: Everyone I talked to was afraid. Very suspicious.
Arthur: Why don't I focus on my suspects and you focus on yours? 
Binky: Right.
(They get up and leave, but Muffy gives a suspicious look from the other booth. In Lakewood Elementary's art classroom, Arthur shows Sue Ellen a drawing he made of the book cover of The Mysterious Hand...)
Arthur: Do you like my drawing? 
Sue Ellen: This looks like The Mysterious Hand.  (holds up the book) I just finished reading it.
Arthur: I should've known it was you!  (tries to grab the book out of her hands) Just give me the book back and I won't tell anyone.
Sue Ellen: It's MY book. I had to BUY it because you had the library's only copy! (Arthur legs go, and Sue Ellen falls backward)  Hey!
(In the playground, Arthur talk to Francine as she swings...)
Francine: Arthur, I didn't take that book.
Arthur: What do you mean? 
Francine: Muffy says you think I stole it. But I think you lost it.   I told you you had too many books.
(In another part of the playground, Binky confronts George...)
Binky: Where is it?
George: What?
Binky: Come on, hand it over. (George runs off)
Arthur: Hey, Binky.  You have to tell them WHAT you want.
Binky: If they took it, they'll know. There's another suspect.  Hey, you! (he runs off)
Buster: (approaches Arthur) Arthur, Francine says you think I stole The Mysterious Hand. 
Arthur: It's gone. You wanted it. 
Buster: You probably lost it.
Arthur: I've looked absolutely everywhere.
Buster: Maybe giant mutant mole people took it! 
Arthur: Oh, right...
(Underground, we see two mole people with tracking equipment...)
Giant Mutant Mole Woman: I don't have it. You got it?
Giant Mutant Mole Man: No.
(Above ground...)
Buster: All I can say is, you'd better find it because we all want to read it. (walks off)
(We see the Mysterious Hand pulling a curtain open...)
Monster.: Chapter 4.  It's Lost, OK? Face it. You lost it.
(Arthur is moaning in his sleep, and is having a nightmare where scary ghoulish creatures are outside his house...)
Echoey Voices: 'We know you're in there!  We know you're in there!
Arthur: Aaaaah!
(Police cars and a helicopter are outside the house.)
Police officer (over loudspeaker in helicopter): Throw out the book gently, son, and no one will get hurt.  You can't escape the long arm of the law!
(A literally long, giant arm goes through the front door, grabs Arthur and pulls him through town into the library)
Arthur: AAAAAAAAAAAH! YEOWWWWWWW! AAAAaAAAAAAAAAH! Whoaaaaaaa! Oh, no! 
Paige Turner: We have special rules for little boys who lose library books.
(A little later in Arthur's dream, the parents notice a chain going into Arthur's room.)
David and Jane Read: Huh?! 
(They see Arthur reading The Mysterious Hand with a chain attached to it.)  
Jane Read: Arthur, what's this? 
Arthur: It's how I have to check out library books now!  (the chain suddenly moves, taking Arthur and the book on it) Whoaaaaaaa! AAAAaAAAAAAAAAH!Paige Turner: (reels Arthur in on the chained book) Next time, don't make me use the crank!(Arthur finally wakes up and screams, his mouth shutting to the beat of the creepy music. The next morning at breakfast, Arthur, tired, tries to eat his cereal.)
D.W.: You're not going to find the book in your cereal.
David Read: You'll have to pay for the book.
Arthur: $15?! That's three action figures!  Ohh!
(Later, at the library, Arthur is returning his books...)
Paige Turner: Did you enjoy all the books?
Arthur: All except the one I lost - The Mysterious Hand.  I guess I'll have to pay for it.
Paige Turner: It's not lost. Here it is. (holds it up) That boy just returned it. (points to Binky)
Arthur: Huh?  Binky, you found it! You found it!  Who had it? 
Binky: A boy from school. 
Arthur: Which boy?
Binky: (looking ashamed) Me.  
Arthur: (laughs) Very funny! No, who really had it? 
Binky: (seriously) Me! (a flashback shows Binky picking up the book and reading it) I found it on the sidewalk.  I started reading it. It's really good. (the flashback ends) I never thought it was the one you lost because you'd never throw a library book on the ground.  But when no one else had it, I figured it might be the same one. 
Arthur: Why didn't you tell me?
Binky: I thought you'd laugh at me. 
Arthur: I wouldn't laugh at you.
Binky: You just did. 
Arthur: (ashamed) Oh, yeah. Sorry. 
Binky: (threateningly) Don't blab it around that I'm reading books...or else! (makes a fist) 
Arthur: (goes back to the check-out desk) Since I didn't read that book, can I check it out again? 
Paige Turner: Sorry, you can't renew it because there's a waiting list. (shows a very long list) 
Arthur: Ohhhh!
(We see the "Mysterious Hand" monster was really D.W. wearing rubber monster gloves and speaking through a cardboard tube...)
D.W.: The End! (does a creepy laugh) Scared you, didn't I? (in a spooky voice) Wooaah! Arthur: D.W.!!
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