Non-Generic Creepypasta

This is my first creepypasta, so don't criticalisize me. I have a creative license.
I used to love Legend of Zelda Ocarina of Time, much like everyone else, WHEN I WAS but not anymore. I wanted to relive my childhood, so I looked on eBay for OOT. I found a solid gold N64 cartridge of the game, for only twenty dollars, considerably cheap. The seller's name was "100% Fun and Not Haunted Games For Sale" and the description was "I Am Selling This Gold Cartridge For Cheap Because When You Inevitably Return To My House After The Garage Sale I Pulled Out Of My Ass To Tell Me The Game Is Haunted, I Will Not Be There. P.S. My Grammar Sucks." Days passed and still no game. I contacted the guy and he replied "Your Game Will Be Here Six Days From Now It Is Shipping From China So Please Be Pateint." I still had more questions. like how it's solid gold and what not, but he was just very dodgy. He just said "You Should Add Spaces So This Does Not Become Wall of Text" What a douche, doesn't he realize that no one will actually listen to that advice?
Six days later the game came. I came when it came. I asked the mailman, who I conjured from fucking thin air, eerily said "No returns." He turned and just walked away. I don't plan on returning it, anyway, so why does he tell me this? Anyway, I pooped the game into my GameCube and started playing. (You like that? I picked up this game between my buttcheeks and put into a GameCube, despite the fact that it's a N64 Cartridge. I did it for you.) I felt uneasy, and somewhat scared. I started up the game, and the game started all on it's own! I was spooked when I found out that the first files name was "You Will Die!" Well, I anyway, being an uncreative piece of shit, I deleted that fucker's save and created my own. Cuz why the fuck not? Creating a save called Link, as most MLG players such as myself do.
I fapped furiously to the beginning cutscene. The Deku Tree was talking in Old English, and that whore, Navi, appeared on screen. They had their chat and Navi flew away to awaken Link. When she got there, Link's house was full of adult content photographs. WHY NINTENDO, WHY? This is a kids game. I enjoyed it though, so I can't complain. The bitch Navi said "WAKE THE FUCK UP YOU PUNK ASS MOTHERFUCKER THE DEKU TREE WANTS YOU INSIDE OF HIM." Quickly, Link takes a sword, a shield, a pair of sunglasses, and a gun off his shelf and leaves. Outside, you see Saria running towards Link's house. "Yahoo, Hi Link!" I do a backflip off the porch of the Treehouse and talk to Saria, who says "You're gonna go inside the Great Deku Tree? That's gay. Hahahaha." I suddenly lose control of Link, who slaps Saria furiously, as the great and holy God intended. I was spooked, but this is what I would have done in the scenario so it was okay. Probably just a FUCKING glitch, right? RIGHT? No, not right.
I run through the forest and see Mido at the entrance. Mido is all like "You gotta have a sword and shield to go through here, because i'm a douchebag." Link pulls out his gun and shoots Mido right in the head, with blood and guts flying everywhere. That's not cool, Link. He's a douchebag, but why does he have to die? I dismiss this as a glitch, being the total fucking dumbass that I am. Link keeps on walking and sees the Great Deku Tree, who says "There's a spider inside my butthole. Get in me." The Deku Tree throws Link inside of his own mouth, right into the boss room with Gohma.
The screen says "Pesky Arachnid: Common House Spider.". I hit it with my sunglasses and it dies, but not before the spider explodes into tiny pieces and blood flies everywhere. I am ported outside. The Deku Tree tells me a shitty story I already heard, but then he fucking exploded into bark covered in fucking blood, man! That's it. It's gone too far. But I continue playing. I run out of Kokiri Forest, right over Mido's dead body, and out into Hyrule Field. There are lots of bloody zombies here, and blood comes out of them when you stab them. I wait till the days over and gain entry to Hyrule Castle.
I go in, and meet Malon, who makes me wake up her father, Mario. I complete this task and go see Princess Zelda, a dumb slut. After running through a shitty guard system, Link enters the Castle Courtyard, and Zelda freaks the fuck out. But then Link shows her the first spiritual stone, and she says she had saw him in her dreams. Creepy. She tells Link to go look in the window, while she does ?. He peaks inside to find Ganondorf, and then Ganondorf smiles and looks at him. Normally. But then, Link pulls out a gun, and shoots him right the fucking head, just like Mido. His head exploded into tiny bits, and it was so damn hyper realistic. The king, who doesn't appear in this game, actually appeared in the window and said "Wut the fuk r u doin u mutherfuker?" Link shoots him too, and then goes through the window. He puts his sunglasses on and takes a seat on the throne. Zelda. being a bitch, is all like "Y'd u kill my dad? :(" Then Link, actually speaking with the voice of a grown man says "Shut up you dumb whore" and kicks her in the mouth, very hyperrealistically. He sits back down, wearing sunglasses, a black trench coat, and holding a shotgun.
"Because i'm a bad motherfucker." he says in a voice that sounds like Duke Nukem's. He whistled for a cab, and when it came near, the license plate said fresh it had a dice in the mirror. PS Link is evil and he knows where u live so board ur doors and windows=-=dadfuafiohdfasoid
Category:Trollpasta
Category:NSFW
Category:Zel-DUUHHH
Category:NINTENDO SIXTY-FOOOUR
Category:Cliche Madness
Category:Stupid is as the main character does
Category:Well, that was pointless.
Category:That just raises more questions!
Category:English Class Failure