Gillette Good News! Trac II Atra Sensor Excel3 Turbo Power Fusion Power for Men and Women

The Gillette Good News! Trac II Atra Sensor Excel3 Turbo Power Fusion Power for Men and Women, also known as Gillette Marketing Ploy 47 is the 47th blade brand released by Gillette in 2015, following the debut of the Gillette Good News! Trac II Atra Sensor Excel3 Turbo Power Fusion X-Treme. The razor utilizes 40 blades that provide the closest shave a man or woman could require, with each blade able to emit radioactive micro-pulses that 'ease the hair out of your skin'.
For those that require even more precision, the razor comes with 5 individual blades, each designed for either beard, bikini-line, pubic hair, leg hair or hair shaving.
==The Inspiration==
Mr. Gillette, while shaving himself with a Schick razor, decided that 39 razors were not giving him the close shave that he so required. Along with that, by the time he finished with the 4 individual razors, they were too dull to shave his pubic area. Afraid that his pubic hair would grow too long, he quickly put on a pair of underwear for the first time in 30 years and headed to the research lab of Gillette.
Along the way, Mr. Gillette stopped at the local 7-11 to pick up a large coffee for his work day. The clerk couldn't help but notice that Mr. Gillette's skin was full of cuts and was rough. After being told this, Mr. Gillette thought to himself:
:"That's it! More lubricant!"
Being at a 7-11, Mr. Gillette was easily able to obtain some proper lubricant and continued onwards to work to develop his newest innovation...
==A 40 Blade Razor==
After informing the research crew of his development, work began instantly on developing the new innovation of a 40 blade razor by going through the ever-extensive development routine of design, ergonomics, marketing, and so forth. 
On June 30th, 2015, Gillette proudly introduced the Gillette Good News! Trac II Atra Sensor Excel3 Turbo Power Fusion Power for Men to the public. Many men and lesbians were pleased with the results, especially because they had enough razors to shave their pubic area. 
Several weeks after the launch of the Gillette Good News! Trac II Atra Sensor Excel3 Turbo Power Fusion Power for Men, various women who decided to try it complained about the unfeminine-like ergonomics of the razor. After a small redo, the blade was relaunched under the name of Gillette Good News! Trac II Atra Sensor Excel3 Turbo Power Fusion Power for Men and Women, with the blade color changed to white and a vibrator was added that could be used by both men and women (though men complained that it was 'uncomfortable', even with the razor's 7-11 lubricant).
The new blade dominated the razor blade sales for June 2015, with the Schick Titanium Quattro Midnight Power Intuition XTreme 3 Slim Twin in second place, followed by their competitor KISS. Gillette knew that the 40 blade craze wouldn't last forever, especially when Schick developed their first 41 blade, laser-powered razor. Nonetheless, Gillette was able to retrieve sales with their 40 blade razor by calling it the Gillette Good News! Trac II Atra Sensor Excel3 Turbo Power Fusion Power for Men, Women and Others, quickly grabbing the sales of transsexuals, whores, and Trekkies.
==Features==
*40 blades
*5 blades for various purposes ("Let your imagination run free!")
*7-11 Certified Animal Medicinal Lubricant #3
*10 comfort strips
*Auto-Sharpener
*Motors for radioactive blade activation (10 AAA and 2 AA batteries required)
*802.11z wireless modem
For an extra $75, one can purchase the Midnight Comfort+ Quattro 2 pack which includes:
*1 extra blade
*Comfort grip extender (adds an extra 2 cm of length to the grip)
*Vibrator speed adjust (For those that can't handle the 'high' setting)
*Grip color covers
*Headphones
*USB2 port with hyperthreading technology
*Wi-Fi capabilities
==Prices==
The price of the Gillette Good News! Trac II Atra Sensor Excel3 Turbo Power Fusion Power for Men and Women can be considered to be cheap when compared to the competitor's standard price of $294 for the razor itself. 
The Gillette Good News! Trac II Atra Sensor Excel3 Turbo Power Fusion Power for Men and Women Standard razor costs $(44 x 10/2) + 5 with individual razors costing $\sqrt1000. The Super razor costs an extra $40, with each razor costing an extra $20 than the standard.
You can also register your Gillette Good News! Trac II Atra Sensor Excel3 Turbo Power Fusion Power for Men and Women by using the razor's wireless modem (which costs $45 a month to use) and registering through an over-complex form that costs $4 per minute to fill out.
----
The Gillette Good News! Trac II Atra Sensor Excel3 Turbo Power Fusion Power for Men and Women...all you need, is 40.
Category:Really Long Titles
Category:Things that may be out to get you