Three FUCKING Doors

== The Start ==
Today was an unordinary rainy day. I was walking in a forest to have a perfect rainy picnic. I wanted to get a fish, cook it and then eat it. First, I wanted to check out a crappy abandoned big cottage owned by an ordinary family killed by a random hobo who thought they were fucking Oompa Loompas.
I did have few difficulties. My clothes were fucking soaked. My backpack was full of water, soaking my camping gear, and my good old friend Larry did not come with me because of his bitch ass dislocated elbow, so I did feel a bit lonely. "Best" moment of my fucking life. I could have just come camping on a better goddamn day, but I didn't feel like it, so I just continued to go where I wanted to fucking go.
As I continued, I started to have a bit uncanny ass feeling, like if I was lost. Then, I realized I was spaced out and went somewhere who the fucking knows. I was wandering around having shitted my pants as I have no damn clues about this forest. 
I have been stuck here for 10 minutes. I hunted a random deer and ate it FUCKING raw. I started to lose fucking hope and felt like there was only one option, end it all with no regrets. As I was about to take my shitty gun and shoot myself in the head, my blind butt finally bumped onto some door. When I decided to take a good look at what it is, I felt heavily infuriated.
A BUILDING WITH
THREE
FUCKING
DOORS!
WHAT KIND OF FUCKING PROFESSIONALISM OF ARCHITECTS IS THIS NOW!? WHO KIND OF "EINSTEIN" THOUGHT THAT THIS IS A GOOD FUCKING IDEA?! IT IS AGREEABLE THAT THIS IS DAMN STUPID AND MAKES ZERO, GODDAMN, SENSE. THE UGLY DESIGN MAKES THE SIMS GAMES' SHOEBOX HOUSES LOOK LIKE BEAUTIFUL CONSTRUCTIONS, ALSO. WHAT KIND OF FAMILY IS SO FUCKING IMPATIENT IN WAITING FOR EVERY FATASS GETTING FINALLY THROUGH SOME DAMN DOOR SO THAT THEY DECIDED TO GET THREE DOORS SO TIME COULD BE LESS FUCKING WASTED?! NOT ONLY THAT, IT IS JUST A WALL, NOTHING ELSE, WHERE THE HELL IS EVERYTHING ELSE OF IT, WAS A BIG ASS BOMB DROPPED HERE, SO ONLY LEFT IS THIS FUCKING WALL!? DOES ANYTHING MAKE GODDAMN SENSE ANYMORE!? THREE DOORS, THREE, FUCKING, DOORS!
== Three Fucking Doors ==
I breathed heavily like a porn actor and felt like I was about to faint, considering I didn't take a single breath when ranting the hell of this wall with three fucking doors. I also took a picture of it with my broken-ass camera. When I looked at one of the doors, a text appeared on there saying, "What did you say, little bitch?" I felt greatly offended and opened the door about to beat ass and saw a dancing Slavic person. I quickly closed the door and attempted to lock it, then for some damn reason, it fell on me. I clipped 7 feet underground, and then for fuck's sake, I appeared in the motherfucking sky. Before I could hit the ground and possibly fucking die, a portal appeared, and I went through the same shenanigan twice until I finally hit the ground.
I got up, having fallen right shoulder-first, breaking the hell out of it with many sprains on my body, also. How the fuck this would have been possible, and most importantly, how I did not get into the backrooms? All of this has a similar equivalent to two stacked doses of LSD while skydiving. 
I got up and opened the second door where an ugly cat appeared. It was so ugly that I wanted to beat it up so damn hard with a 2 feet rock, so I started searching for one and found a knife instead that was coincidentally nearby at the right time (we will not talk about the gun). I got back but noticed that the door is locked, soon a text appeared written in blood, calling me a sadist. Then it started stomping on me, beating me with a rock, shooting me at the right shoulder, and lastly, the cat scratching my face into a mess.
"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT ALL ABOUT!?" I shouted.
I got up with my right shoulder obliterated by a crazy-ass door. A wise person would have fucking already a long time ago ran away because of paranormal activity, but that is not what I possess, so I decided to take the final door, mostly expecting a death. 
The door opens, and a wall appeared behind it with a paper wanting me to tell a good joke to it. I am the worst fucking person you could ask for such a damn thing. I didn't have anything funny to tell, so I had only one choice, to open Reddit from my phone and find a joke from there. I then found one about a bullet and told the door how it only starts doing its job when it gets fired. Everything went silent. The wind went silent, the birds went ass quiet, hell, even Joe Biden stopped his speech to hear a shit joke I said hundreds of miles away, don't ask me how I could feel it, but I just did. The last thing I saw was the door falling on me, and I once fucking again was going 7 feet underground, but this time, it was different.
I was fucking stuck. I couldn't get out. I could move but couldn't get out as if I was in an iron box. Screaming was pointless. the fucking doors made it impossible to call the emergency number. Only what I could do is type this all. 
If you are reading this, I'm already fucking dead. I'm stuck here until death comes to take me fucking down while I'm shitting in my pants, and do you know what? I never got a fucking fish, AND IT IS ALL BECAUSE OF THE FUCKING DOORS! CURSE THEM, CURSE THE THREE FUCKING DOORS!
THREE!
FUCKING!
DOOOOOOOORS!
Oh yeah, Larry. You can have my video games since ghosts cannot play, which is a fucking shame.
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