Critgar

My name is not important, the olny thing that matters is this TOTALLY TRUE STORY BASED ON ReAL EVENTS AND STUFF LIKE THAT
I am quite a fan of the Fire Emblem franchise, and I was going on a FE marathon by playing every single Fire Emblem game to get myself hyped for the new one coming on 3DS. I eventually reached the 11th game: Shadow Dragon.
I was playing Shadow Dragon on an emulator (as the prices were way too much online), slaughtering armies of bad guys and having the time of my life, until I reached the 16gh chapter: Battle for Altea.
One of the many units I used was the pre-promoted Horseman named Sedgar, I was using him in the last chatpter that had an arena and he kicked loads of ass, getting crits left and right, which eventually lead to the nickname "Critgar"
When I had cleared the map of enemies I sent some of my units to the areana on the western side of the map, starting with Sedgar.
Sedgar's first opponent in the arena was an enemy Sniper, and due to my luck the sniper was abtle to double Sedgar. I was sure I was about to lose him but noticed he hanged on with 1 health and critted the sniper, as a normal Fire Emblem player would do in this situation I used Maria, one ofm y healers, to get Sedgar back to full health to prepare for the next fight.
Little did I know, things were going to get very interesting, not to mention SUPER SCARY!
I started a nother fight in the arena with Sedgar, this time his opponent was a Sorcerer. Sedgar immideatly got a crit, at 5% no less, but something was... Weird.
The enemy sorcerer had 40 health, and Sedgar's regular attacks only did 10 damage, and a crit only did 30. But Sedgar managed to OHKO the Sorcerer, I brushed it off as a glitch with the emulator itself.
To my luck, sedgar leveld up after the fight, and to my surprise all of his stats ended in the number "6", even his Magic stat (which was at 2 at the time) rocketed up to 6. OKay, now I was getting suspicious.
Deciding that someone else need the arena's training, I tried to move Sedgar away on the next turn, but then a text box appeared... The text was written... IN HYPER REALISTIC BLOOD *thunder sound effects] The text said, "No..."
After the text box disappeared I was immideatly sent into another arena fight, against an enemy Horseman. But Sedgar made quick worj of him with yet another crititcal hit.
On the next turn I was finally able to move Sedgar out of the way, so I used the opportunity to move Merric, one of my mages, to the arena... But thats where shit hit hte fan...
As soon as the battle started, Merric was up against a Mercenary, he was shot by an arrow and died. But rather than fading from existence like units normally do, Merric's sprite started to get on his knees while trying to pull out the arrow in his throat. When he finally managed to pull it out the screen was covered in HYPER REALISTIC BLOOD!
Once the game returned to the map screen, Merric was nowhere to be found. I then moved Abel, my Paladin, onto the arena.
Abel got in a fight with a Bishop, but something strange happened.
As soon as th fight started, Abel's horse started jumping around and threw Abel off of it. The enemy bishop then used a Thunder tome to summon lightning above the defenseless knight... But as soon as the lightning struck, Abel exploded and all of his limbs and guts flew all over the place, it looked so... hyper realistic... I almost vominted at the sight...
This continued on with the rest of my units, and the deaths just kept getting more and more brutal. In the end there were only two units left: Marth and Sedgar.
I tried to move Marth to the castle to end the torment, but as soon as I selected the Lord, he ran straight to the Arena, despite the fact it was far away from his movement range.
As soon as the fight started, I noticed that Marth was fighting a Sorcerer, but not any sorcerer: It was Gharnef, the villain of the game.
Marth just stood there, frozen, as Gharnef unleashed him Imhullu spell, killing the Lord instantly.
But rather than getting a regular game over, the text was replaced by Sedgar's battle sprite.
The Horseman jumped off his horse and looked directly at me, then a text box written in hyper realistic blood appeared, the speaker was named "Critgar" and I could see what appeared to be a moving mouth on Sedgar's sprite.
"I've killed your precious units... NOW IT'S YOUR TURN PUNY MORTAL!" he screamed as he drew an arrow and fired it against me...
As soon as the arrow "hit", the screen went black and my computer turned off. When I tried to turn it on again, I was greeted with the same scene ass before.
I tried to go to lleep, thinking that I was getting drunk from all the alchohol I had earlier that day. But ass oon as I put my blanket over me, my computer tunred on by itself... I looked over and saw a close-up of a face... A hyper-realistic version of Sedgar's face... Then I heard a voice say "You can run, but I will catch you... mortal fool... you shall no longer command me... THE ALLMIGHTY CRITGAR!" and then my PC monitor exploded!
I wrote this on my laptop, but someone a ROM file of Shadow Dragon had mysteriously appeared on the desktop. If this story ends here, call 991111111 and report the rom creator to Gabe Newell.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Vidya games
Category:Hyper-realistic
Category:English Class Failure