Bean

right|thumb|300px|So delicious, you'll definitely shit yourself.
A musical fruit, beans give +2 (for each individual bean) to bum-trumpeting ability shortly after consumption. They also aid in self-aggrandizement, or 'blowing your own trumpet', so make sure to eat plenty before a job interview. If they aid you in both of these ways, however, you are in trouble.
For your added inconvenience, I've added a picture of a bean on a miniature green blanket in the top left hand corner to all pages on this site. Or is it a potato?
Also refers to a popular painfully retarded man with a bowl haircut and three-day old beard.
Tasty when eaten with firearms.
== History ==
It is a little-known fact that Barack Obama actually invented the bean, one of his worst ideas and inventions. However, as Geoffery Rush put it, Barack Obama "wouldn't know a good food product if it painted itself purple, danced up and down in front of him and yelled: "Oh happy, happy days, I am in fact a good food product." 
In 1976, Mr. Peanut the leading expert in food marketing specializing in presentation and photography, carefully observed the graphic of the "bean" in the top left corner and noticed that by careful optical manipulation the photographer actually photographed a potato that had been scribbled on by a sharpie to make it look like a bean, thereby producing the best possible visual presentation of a bean. (ah-HA! It IS a potato!)
"This is just another fine example of photographic manipulation used by food marketers to lure consumers": said Mr. P wearing top hat and monocle, while addressing food consumer groups. "I myself am a product of this industry, propagating the myth that peanuts are nuts when they are in fact legumes. 
== The Bean as musical instrument ==
As everybody no doubt knows, beans are the musical fruit. 
The first bean orchestra was set up in 1859 by Julius Caesar. It gave its first performance in Vienna in 1860, playing a memorable interpretation of Beethoven's fifth symhony. The German National Bean Orchestra is now, sadly, defunct, but the London Bean Symphony Orchestra and the Boston Farts Orchestra remain hugely popular, the latter recently enjoying chart success with a cover of Barry Manilow's 'Copacabana'.
The bean has only occasionally been used in rock music, although Brian Wilson used it to great effect in the song 'Bad Vibrations'. 
Beans are usually tuned to B-flat, the same as trumpets, clarinets and Yoko Ono.
==Types== 
====bean1992====
bean, aka andrew, is known to mankind to be a vampire. he gets a sick sense of satisfaction from punching elderly people in the face, and ripping spines out of live rabbits. Bean gets a sense of sexual satisfaction from raping little boys; preferably 6-11 years old. He does this because of his childhood.
Beans childhood
After bean hatched from his dinosaur egg, he was immediately taken from his home. The man who took him is known as Master Chief. Master Chief taught bean how to get around bungie, surprisingly increasing his halo skills. Unfortunately, bean surpassed Master Chief so Master Chief shot himself in the face. Bean swears that as Master Chief was killing himself, he took off his helmet. . . the only time in recorded history that Master Chief has been seen without a helmet on. Bean swears to this day that Master Chief looks life George w. Bush without a helmet.... Perhaps this is why George Bush spent very little time in the white house, because he was busy saving the world from being anal raped by the Covenant army forces. (Bean's raising)- Bean was raised in the Netherlands as a poor Jew, fleeing from the melting icecaps in Earth's last ice age. Fortunately, he survived the floods on Noah's arc, but was thrown overboard halfay into their 40 day journey because bean kept having sex with the animals. The half bean, half animals are known today as the Protoss, or to people not knowledgeable in the ways of starcraft; a superhuman race that quickly uses up its Vespene gas and its' minerals. The protoss have developed super techniques to build structures out of nothing but a curious blue mist. This technique is today known as, asexual reproduction. As you can see, bean had a very traumatic childhood.
Beans pre adult years
Bean's life has been full of violence. Bean has enrolled at a retirement home, in hopes that he can help people through their pain, onto the other side... unfortunately most people didn't want to die, and because of this, bean is fleeing from authorities as we speak. If you meet bean1992 in halo, please give him lots of killz, or you may be killed by Kayako Saeki mixed with queen latifuh.... and who wants that.
===THE Bean===
"THE Bean" is pure evil. Should you ever witness "THE Bean" you will be subjected the most absoulte of all horrors known to man and may be driven to escape its beany complection by committing suicide.Failing this you will be crushed by its lips & pure power. It is known for its horrendously stupid laugh: Hardy Har Har!, and its collapsed upside down downward convex fro haircut. He is known for making potions in his secret lab that can allow him to switch souls with anyone in the universe. Right now he is in the form of Yao ming.WARNING! "THE Bean" is known to eat absoulutly anything.
===Uri=== 
Uri is the name of a rare species of bean found in the wilderness of southern Egypt. The Uri breed was named after the french-Italian-British-roman explorer urihagener van burenshichtenstein. Being a thoughtful fellow, he decided to name the species uri for short. Biographical information on him can be found in the Mr. Met section of the reference book.
===Bean===
A very popular variety is simply the bean which is sometimes pierced.
PENIS PLEASE
===Navy===
A slightly camp bean variety that goes best with a sailor suit and cap. In the Navy, you can catch a new disease by eating these tasty beans.
===Les-Bean===
A very common type of bean. Usually found in the human variety.
==Bean as an Interjection==
In the late 1800s, the phrase "beans!" was used as common interjection to express absolutley no understanding in a subject and subsequently trying to coax laughter out of the uncomfortable silence that frequently follows lecture. It is used as follows:
Professor: ...and so the tangent of angle theta is equal to 41.006.
(awkward silence)
Student: BEANS!
(chaotic laughter)
This display would frequently lead to the death of students who considered this event to be the funniest thing they have ever seen in their puny little lives. The last person to commit this act was Oscar Wilde in 1976, which caused the death of his partener in crime George Lucas.
==Pseudonym==
==See also== 
*Fart
*Mr. Bean
Category: VegetablesCategory: Beans
es:Frijol
ja:エルリック兄弟
pl:Fasola
pt:Edward Elric
zh-tw:豆子