nyuuzyou/wikis huggingface dataset:
David

:This article is about the Jewish monarch. For other Davids, see David (disambiguation).
David, King of Israel was the greatest ginger and twink in the history of mankind. During his life, David had to deal with different types of thugs and gingers, who harassed him for either being a thug or a ginger. Founder of the glorious House of David dynasty, David has become one of the world's most famous kings, poets and gay icons, but his bad ginger-thug reputation kept haunting him throughout his entire life.
==Biography==
===David and Goliath===
David was just a nerdy kid playing with his slingshot when he first met his very first thug, Goliath. Goliath was the highest commander of the Palestinian army, and David decided to be the only Jew standing up to him. David finally killed Goliath using his slingshot - against the advice of Saul, the King of Israel at the time.
===David and Saul===
Saul envied David's popularity and even though David married his daughter Michal and became his son's Jonathan BFF, Saul finally snapped and started hunting David down, trying to kill him. Saul and David finally ended up in the same cave and when David spared Saul's life, Saul admitted he was wrong and understood that David was meant to be the King.
===Naval and David===
Naval, who's name means "villain" in Hebrew, was the owner of flocks of sheep. David, who became a kind of thug himself at that point, asked protection money from Naval, who answered David with disrespect. David meant to kill Naval for this but changed his mind to the request of Naval's wife, Abigail. Naval finally died from a stroke and David totally married Abigail himself.
===Uriah and David===
Uriah was a soldier fighting in the service of David, when David saw Uriah's wife, Bathsheba, bathing on the roof outside his window. David got Bathsheba pregnant and, trying to hide it, granted Uriah a vacation in order to be with his wife. Uriah refused to leave his soldier friends and was finally killed in battle. David married Bathsheba and has become a total gangster at this point.
===David's Michelangelo===
Michelangelo, the ginger Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, was created by David in order to fight his reputation as a thug. Until the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie, all the turtles had red bandanas. Being a Jewish King and famed gay icon, David used his Hollywood connections to make Michelangelo a lovable cinematic version of himself, by changing his bandana color to orange. This didn't help much, and eventually established David as the greatest gangsta-bullying-thug-motherfucker since Ol' Dirty Bastard.
===Jonathan===
Remember Jonathan, Saul's son and David's BFF? David told Jonathan that he loved him more than women. Which means that David loved women. He also married a bunch of them. On the other hand, David was a violinist. So you could never tell if he was gay or not. Same goes for David being a thug. Thugs are always created by other thugs, much like zombies. So in order to stop being considered a thug, David had to kill the original zombie/thug.
===Ridley Scott's David===
===Other Davids===
Category:Monarchy of Israel
Category:Biblical people
Category:Honorary Jews
David Blaine

David Arthur "Killer Kane" Blaine is a magician infamous for his "Turn The Twenty Dollars Into A Monopoly Game With Missing Pieces" trick. He is seriously a great magician. He has more tricks up his sleeve in one night than a hooker does in her entire career.
He also has a ventriloquist's dummy named Hugo, that can sit endlessly for hours. Many people have been amazed by this spectacular feat of endurance.
Many of his "magic" tricks are not really magical at all. For example, Blaine has been seen levitating; however, scientists have revealed that widespread dislike of Blaine causes Earth to emit temporary anti-gravitational fields around him, effectively repelling him away from the planet.
David Blaine has announced that when he dies, he plans to do his own autopsy.
==Dunking==
Blaine has recently been sentenced to spend 7 days in a 'Human Fishbowl' in New York city. The punishment reflects the state's oldest laws concerning Witches. If Blaine survives the week long dunking then he will be declared a witch and burned at the stake. If his lungs succumb to the ordeal and he drowns then he will be declared innocent and his soul will be allowed to shine on, shiny-white.
He has often been voted "Best Person Since Winston Churchill" by British people.
I would just like to make a point, note David Blaine started by spending 44 days in the air, then tried to hold his breath underwater for a long time... It is my hope that he is working his way through the classical elements and next we will see him spend a prolonged period of time on fire. David Copperfield tried this with his "tornado of fire" going from original recipe to extra crispy, needless to say David Blaine is to chicken to actually try it. (pun intended.)
==Magic Powers==
While Blaine's "magical" abilities have been researched and discussed amongst even the most intelligent scholars, there has been no real evidence to prove whether or not he possesses true other-worldly abilities. In 1999, a young woman came forward and made an official statement that Blaine, while intoxicated with the young lady in a motel room, revealed to her that his "magic" was, well, bunk.
"Bunk as hell," exclaimed Blaine to the drunken woman. When she attempted to ask what "bunk" meant, Blaine threw his arms into the air declaring, "With your question, I shall summon forth the great demon, Bjourllocke, to demonstrate my true power!" Blaine's outburst caused him to squeeze a big fat dump out of his ass at which Blaine giggled at, and then passed out.
To this day, no one knows exactly whom this dump made the official statement to. The mystery of David Blaine lives on.
Category:Magic
David Cronenberg

For the last 36 years, people have been trying to create their own version of the movie Scanners. From television producers to stoner rock bands, they all came up with nothing more than nice attempts to remind the world of this Canadian masterpiece. Until the Uncyclopedia article about the movie was created...
==Movies that are not Scanners==
*Valvoline
*Videodrome
*100 Layers Of Grease
*The Fly Re-hashed
*Spankers
*My Stomach Has A Mouth, And This Mouth Goes To A Separate Stomach
*Future Filth
==What are Scanners?==
The Scanners are human beings who are afraid to connect their souls to stories and lyrics, and instead tend to only scan every text with which they come across. In 2017, it is easy to recognize Scanners - they are simply Wikipedia users. These are known to include all the Michael Bay-area residents.
==Am I a Scanner?==
As a human who is currently reading and/or writing an Uncyclopedia article, and considering the fact that Uncyclopedia is using Wikipedia by definition to create its parody - you can be sure that you are indeed one of these Scanners.
==Are you sure?==
If I am using Uncyclopedia it doesn't make me a Wikipedia user. I am simply a person who is using a website which is using Wikipedia. And a website cannot be a Scanner because a website is not a human being. So there.
==Damn straight!==
So none of us are Scanners... not me and not the readers of the article... this article is going to get REALLY stupid unless some head explodes soon... or something similar...
==A mind blowing finale?==
So nothing is going to blow your mind like the following article finale. If the finale of this article isn't going to blow your mind, you should suck your own frontal private part. Slowly. I am serious. So here we go: The reason Wikipedia users are Scanners is the introduction part of the Wikipedia articles. This introduction contains the name of the article in bold, so that the reader/writer will have the illusion that they already read the entire article, and/or that they have all the knowledge about the article's subject. It is totally gay. In fact, the only thing which is gayer than this is telling you that you have just been reading an article about the show Curb Your Enthusiasm, and that this is in fact a parody of the staring contest from the show, in which you represent Larry David, and I represent David Cronenberg.
Category:Horror
Category:Canadian film directors
Category:Computers and Technology
Category:Articles about a person written in the style of that person
David DeAngelo's Newsletter

By entering this page, you agreed to receive a free weekly newsletter from David DeAngelo. You may not remove yourself from the mailing list, nor may you request your removal from it at a later date.
By reading the above paragraph, you agreed that you will not report David DeAngelo to any authority, be it virtual or judicial. Specifically, you may not complain to spamcop.net or any other similar policing entity, report or complain to our isp or hosting company, or any other company that we are affiliated, partnered, or do business with.
By not leaving this page, you agreed to pay David DeAngelo a sum of $1000.00 should you fail to comply with any of the above.
Continue to newsletter.
Category:Spam
Category:Pages that look like the things they're about
David Irving

David Irving (born March 24, 1938) is a British historian who in 1991 made a controversial discovery that the Nazis murdered millions of Jews. The oppressive Zionist government of Austria found Irving's accusations deeply insulting and brought criminal charges against him. In February 2006 Irving was arrested while visiting his dying Austrian grandmother and sentenced to death. In a post-trial interview Irving said, "You know who else had controversial beliefs and stood up for them? That's right, Hitler!", although critics deny that there is an evidence that he was directly responsible for making this comment. Irving is appealing his sentence, claiming that the gas chamber in which he is to be executed does not exist. On the other hand, he has argued that Father Christmas also does not exist. This has further enraged Germanic people as Father Christmas is clearly Santa Claus in disguise.
Following David Irving's conviction, the Austrian court has decided to extend its laws against personal views on history. It is expected that soon, anyone who does not formally denounce "Old Iron Fister" Otto von Bismarck along with Oscar Wilde, will be persecuted as well. The court has decreed that freedom of speech laws have no relevance in the matter, and may as well be repealed.
==Opposition==
A controversial subject, Irving has attracted much attention from mainstream historians who maintain that there is simply insufficient evidence to assert that David Irving happened. Arguments in favor of this view include personal letters from Adolf Hitler to Heinrich Himmler which do not explicitly mention David Irving, and chemical tests performed on material reputed to be strands of Irving's hair which have concluded that the material is not human and instead consists of a delousing compound popular in Europe during the 30s and 40s.
Although Irvingists claim that the historian has published as many as 6,000,000 best-selling books such as The Destruction of Dresden and Churchill's War, most mainstream historians dismiss these claims as an elaborate hoax created by an international Communist-Jewish conspiracy, or argue that the numbers published is really much lower and that Irving was completely unaware of what his publisher was doing.
However, the most compelling argument put forward by so-called Irving deniers is that posited by Prof. Vivian Gridd of Stalingrad University, which is widely believed to have conclusively proven that both of Irving's Jewish parents died in Auschwitz on March 23rd, 1938, a day before Irving claimed birth date, and therefore he really wasn't ever actually born.
== Existence ==
David Irving has a pet Labradoodle named "Bore-Man" and resides in a cave where he guards the Ark of the Covenant prop from Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark. He has recently moved into advertising where he excels at soundbites for radio jingles, his most popular being "Urine Is Impure" for Tena For Women. He is currently working on his latest non-fiction novel "The Life of Pi: Certainly Not 3.14".
Category:Adolf Hitler
Category:British historians
Category:Bad guys
Category:Evil Clowns
Category:Idiots
David James (footballer)

David Benjamin "Calamity" James (born 1 August 1970) is an English football who stands in the goal and stops the ball going in the net.
==Early life==
David was born through Photosynthesis in a freak Tobogganing accident, but has never regretted his decision to live. He grew up on a rough council estate in central Wigan, and was frequently shot at as a young child. Despite this he grew up to become not only a man, but quite a big man.
==Club career==
After an unsuccessful stint as a playmate, David James began his glittering career as a waiter at the Bristol University Student Union Bar in Bristol, where he learned his trade as not only a football, but also he learned waiting. After several years of practice, he eventually joined Liverpool FC where he made his name through a number of dreadfully bad hairstyles.
He is now playing for Portsmouth FC after his brief venture into the sport of Extreme Cross-Stitch fared badly. After a exciting first season with the South Coast team he was voted 'fans player of the year' by Portsmouth supporters. However it was recently revealed that the majority of fans believed they were actually voting for 'Hasselhoff impersonator of the year.' James was unavailable for comment.
==Addiction to Tomb Raider==
It is a little known fact that David James has an addiction to the popular computer game "Lara Croft: Tomb Raider". James blaims his terrible early 1990's form on this addiction. It has been recorded that James would go on stints of 120 hours of non stop gaming action between league games, stopping only to eat pepperami and drink ribena toothkind. The addiction worsened when James could not complete the final level of the game. Close friends and family feared for his life as he tried so "plug" himself into the game to "assist" Lara by shoving a scart cable up his anus and snorting a gram of Ketamin in one go. Luckily for James and his legions of fans "Gamesmaster" Patrick Moore gave him the much needed advice on how to tackle the level and the addiction slowly faded. 
==Trivia==
*He writes a fortnightly column for teen magazine Mizz
*During the 2004 close season, James was a spy at the training camp of American football team, the Sao Paolo Dolphins, where he worked out with the team and studied their training and conditioning methods. This has led to speculation that he is keen on a dolphin after he retires.
*He was married to a Welsh wife. Then again who isn't?
*James once suffered a back injury while reaching for a television remote.
*One of his favourite hobbies is Extreme Ironing
*Contrary to reports it was actually him that was the first man on the moon.
*The film 'Batman' was reportedly based on him.
*Vidal Sassoon has denied responsibility for his many hairstyles
==Quotes==
Category:English footballers
Category:Association football players
David Jason

Sir David Veronica White, OBE (born 2 February 1940), better known by his stage name David Jason, is an English television actor believed by the Vatican to be the Antichrist. His name appears on a list that resides in the Pope's own secret papal chamber.
Many believe the cheeky wannabe cockney to be the epitome of televised comedy. However, this is not the case. He is in FACT the bastard son of a thousand maniacs.
Urban Legend has it, that if you look into a mirror at midnight on Halloween and repeat the name 'Del Boy' six hundred and sixty six times you will see the face of Satan. Who will then proceed to clobber you to death with a million undeserved BAFTA awards.
Scientific studies recently concluded by the "Institute for Scientific Studies into Paranormal Stuff with the Exception of Derek Acorah" have found that all you need to do to see the 'face of Satan' is turn on BBC One on Christmas day and watch Jason parade around in a comedy Batman outfit and dropping Chandeliers.
A leak at the BBC recently reported that Jason was part of a world domination plot that aimed to turn all the United Kingdom's television viewers into mindless couch potatoes. To do this they recycled old Harold Lloyd, Charlie Chaplin and Laurel and Hardy comedy moments and combined them with the DNA taken from some of the most annoying people ever to have walked this fair planet. The results were amazing (Apparently) The first 'Batch' of these Hell children included Jason, Jim Davidson, Lenny Henry, Dawn French (see fat) and Cannon and Ball.
One BBC programme maker was quoted to have said "Yeah..great, because only fools and horses will watch it!" when it was announced that Jason was to be live tested on the public.
==Jason Syndrome==
Jason Syndrome has now been officially accepted and added to The Big Book of Real Medical Conditions although at this time it is believed that the ignorance it induces and the distaste for 'real' comedy can never be cured. Many many sufferers are found dead in a pile of their own excrement surrounded by crisp packets after feeling compelled to watch endless re-runs of crap comedy from this awful evil little man fortunately he has one son, shares the same fist name but to avoid public humilliation changed the surname to Sewell after his hero Brian Sewell.
Category:British actors
Category:British comedians
David Koch

David Koch is an Australian breakfast television "personality" who somehow manages to make his job look a lot harder than it could possibly be. He is especially well known for his jokes, which most of the time serve to send his target audience back to sleep. David Koch frequently goes out drinking with Peter Meakin, as part of an attempt to get Peter convicted of drunk driving to slowly gain complete control of the Seven Network.
==Sunrise==
Kochie is known to only come out of his coffin at night, to prepare for his show Sunrise, which is on way too early in the morning. After he has made his appearance he scurries back to his dark cellar, and is not heard from for the rest of the day. Kochie is also the host of The New Inventors. They may call him "James O'Loghlin" as he does this, but take a closer look.
==Kochie's joke of the day==
Kochie is known for his hilarious and occasionally controversial "joke of the day" on breakfast TV show Sunrise. These are usually something along the lines of:
"Why did the chicken cross the road?"
"Because John Howard's wife is having an affair with Kim Beazley"
Kochie's best joke so far has been getting MySpace to block any links to the Seven Store as a "known spamming and phishing site". Kochie's jokes are also available in book form, and can be found in all awful good book stores. Please buy one. Please, please buy one. Don't go through MySpace.
==Competition==
Kochie's main competition is Karl Stefanovic, who co-hosts rival breakfast television show Today on the Nine Network. This has been a very tough battle, but many agree that Karl's jokes are slightly funnier, since he doesn't tell any. Still, Sunrise usually rates higher than Today, because when you're flipping through TV stations at 6 in the morning for something to completely ignore, you usually land on the "7" button before the "9" button (This is the exact same reason Today Tonight rates higher than A Current Affair). Or you could just watch the cartoons on the ABC like the rest of us normal people.
==See Also==
* Sunrise
* Today Show
* Actually, you only need to see one of those, it's the same show.
* Karl Stefanovic (Kochie with hair)
Category:Australian television presenters
Category:Nerd
Category:Marsupials
David Mamet

David Mamet: A play by David Mamet. 
Premiered 2010 at the Uncyclopedia Arts Festival, in cooperation with the Steppenwolf Theatre Company.
Cast:
*Joe Mantegna as David Mamet
*Rebecca Pidgeon as Lindsay Crouse 
Act 1: 
David: Hello. 
Lindsay: Hello?
David: Hello. Excuse me. Excuse me.
Lindsay: Are you David-
David: What do you want? 
Lindsay: Mamet? Are you David Mamet? 
David: You want to know about David Mamet? The fuck? Is that what you want?
Lindsay: I-
David: Proof. You want proof? 
Lindsay: Proof of-
David: Proof. Nothing was ever proved. 
Lindsay: You-
David: OK. OK? I will tell you. I will tell you what you want to know. I will tell you.
Lindsay: Now.
David: Now? Does that answer your question? Fuck. What did I just tell you? 
Lindsay: I-
David: Fuck. (Pause) What did I just tell you before I said "does that answer your question"? Fuck. I told you that "nothing was ever proved." (Pause) Did I tell you that? I did tell you that. Nothing was ever proved. (Pause) I rest my case.
Lindsay: Your-
David: What evidence do we really have that any of this story is true? What kind of proof? I will tell you. None! I just told you that.
Lindsay: David is-
David: Why are you asking me about David Mamet? (Pause) Why are you asking me about David Mamet? Why are are you asking me about David Mamet? Are you a fucking-?
Lindsay: Is it that you (Pause) are an essentially trusting person? 
(The phone rings. David answers) 
David: Hello?
 
Lindsay: Do ...you see me as trustworthy? 
David (into phone): No. Please. (to Lindsay): Do you have an urgent need to trust people? Would you like to make love with me?
Lindsay: OK. 
David: Since you trust me, ...(Pause) Now I will tell you the truth. 
Lindsay: Truth? 
David: (To phone) Hello...? Fuck. (hangs up phone, speaks to Lindsay) The truth is what I will tell you. (pause) Does that satisfy you? Does that prove what you have been saying? 
Lindsay: You-
David: I hope it does. I hope it does. You are in a lot of trouble. (pause) You are in a lot of trouble. It just goes to show. It just goes to show. 
Lindsay: What? 
David: What does it just go to show? That nothing was ever proved. Fuck.
(curtain)
Category:American film directors
Category:American writers
Category:Masterclass instructors
Dawn of the Dead (2004 film)

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IF THE ZOMBIES GO TO INDOCHINA, I WANT A NIGGA WAITING IN A BOWL OF RICE READY TO POP A CAP IN 
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Category:2000s films
Category:American films
Category:Articles about a subject written in the style of fans of the subject
Category:Articles written in the first person