Decathlon

The decathlon is a combined athletic elimination-by-round event in which athletes must complete ten events or they will be beaten senselessly or murdered. The decathlon was first started in 1934 by Adolf Hitler.
==Events==
The year the decathlon was created, Adolf Hitler assigned 10 events for people to complete.
===Hotdog eating contest===
Ten contestants will sit at a long table, overwatched by O.J. Simpson and eat as many hotdogs as possible within 10 minutes. The contestant with the least amount of hotdogs eaten will be attacked by O.J. Simpson, which will result in an acquittal for Simpson, and an elimination from the tournament for the contestant.
===Chihuahua punting contest===
Nine contestants will line up in a row with a chihuahua of their choosing, and punt them as far as they can. O.J. Simpson once again oversees this contest, except this time with a sombrero. The contestant with the least distance punted will be attacked by a pack of chihuahuas with rabies and will be eliminated from the tournament. The other contestants will receive free tacos made by Adolf and O.J. themselves.
===Baby slam dunk contest===
Eight contestants will have 60 seconds each to dunk a baby in a basketball hoop. The dunks will be rated on a 1-10 scale by O.J. Simpson, in the event of a tie, the contestants will be forced to do a different dunk. The contestant with the lowest rated baby slam jams will have dirty baby diapers pelted at them, and will be eliminated from the tournament.
===Hit by baseballs contest===
Seven contestants will have baseballs pelted at them by O.J. Simpson and Adolf Hitler before they choose to tap out. The contestant who submits first will be brutally beaten with baseball bats and eliminated from the tournament.
===Shootout contest===
Six contestants will be placed in an actual warzone and are forced to fight against their will. The first contestant who is shot and killed will be dead and eliminated from life.
===Gunpowder eating contest===
Five contestants will sit at a long table and eat as much gunpowder as they can within 10 minutes. The contestant with the least amount of gunpowder eaten will be thrown into a pit full of gunpowder and locked in there for all eternity. They will also be eliminated from the tournament.
===Boxing contest===
Four contestants will be thrown into a ring with Mike Tyson for 15 rounds. The contestant who submits or gets knocked out first will have their ears eaten by Tyson and eliminated from the tournament. If a contestant wins against Mike Tyson, that contestant automatically wins the entire decathlon, but the remaining contestants are forced to complete the rest of the decathlon.
===Pepper spray chugging contest===
Three contestants will chug as much pepper spray as they can before one of them gives up. The contestant who gives up first will literally be lit on fire, and if they survive, they will be tarred and feathered and left in the desert. Not to mention they will also be eliminated from the tournament.
===No holds barred deathmatch===
The final two contestants will be placed in an arena and forced to fight to the death. The only breaks in the fight will be O.J. Simpson walking in and throwing random objects on the floor, which the contestants can use as an advantage. The first contestant to die will be the ultimate loser and the winner will be declared the winner of that year's decathlon.
==1990 Decathlon==
Arguably the greatest decathlon of all-time.
===Contestants===
# Michael Jordan
# Michael Jackson
# Eddie Murphy
# Magic Johnson
# Buster Douglas
# Bill Cosby
# Mr. T
# Robert De Niro
# Man with No Name
# Tom Cruise
===Hotdog eating contest===
The Man with No Name only managed to eat one hotdog within the 10 minute time span, as he was too busy smoking a cigarillo, standing around and looking at the camera. The ten minute buzzer rang and O.J. Simpson lunged at the Man with No Name, in what is now regarded as one of the funniest moments in television history.
===Chihuahua punting contest===
Robert De Niro only managed to punt a chihuahua 2 feet away from him, possibly due to the fact he is old as hell. Consequently, De Niro was attacked by a vicious pack of rabid chihuahuas. De Niro died two days later from rabies.
===Baby slam dunk contest===
Michael Jordan completely dominated this contest, while Michael Jackson was too busy hanging it over a balcony. Jackson lost and was pelted with dirty diapers.
===Hit by baseballs contest===
Tom Cruise managed to dodge every baseball hurled at him, while Bill Cosby was ruthlessly pummeled by baseballs and passed away before he could tap out. He was still beaten by baseball bats.
===Shootout contest===
Tom Cruise was killed in the warzone, after running into the line of fire to fire a handgun.
===Gunpowder eating contest===
Magic Johnson ate the least amount of gunpowder and was locked into an eternal pit and probably died of AIDS.
===Boxing contest===
Buster Douglas shocked the world when he beat Mike Tyson and immediately won the decathlon. Douglas managed to knock Tyson out in the 10th round.
===Pepper spray chugging contest===
Michael Jordan refused to chug the pepper spray and was lit on fire, tarred and feathered, and left in the desert.
===No holds barred deathmatch===
In another upset, Eddie Murphy shocked the world when he beat Mr. T in the deathmatch.
Category:Events
Category:Sports
Category:Massacres
Category:Olympic sports