Tales From the Burgerverse: Jeff vs Live Action Adaptations

Jeff Smith woke up in his dingy shithole of an apartment, happily remembering the unforgettable luncheon he had days prior. The encounter with Major Carnage and her Stand, Wake Me Up, was the most unforgettable part. Looking out the boarded up windows into the smog ridden sky, he wheezed instead of sighed considering the air tasted like a gas station. The gas mask Jeff wore was rather uncomfortable, but it sure as hell was better than inhaling air with flavor. A newspaper that was trampled upon caught his eye, and reading the water smeared headline proved challenging but insightful: Jeff Kira escaped prison again.
The soot stained sidewalk smeared its dust on everything that touched it, permanently staining it a murky grey. Obsolete TVs displayed a news report about Jeff Kira's escape, displaying his fish face on national TV to all the disregard of average people. In fact, Jeff Smith sat next to the escapee at a graffiti ridden bus stop and didn't acknowledge his existence as they patiently waited for a filthy public transportation bus to get stuck at the stop for an hour due to traffic. The silence was broken by a familiar, albeit rather upbeat, voice.
"Heading off to a concert as well?" Major Carnage asked.
"No, heading to work." Both Jeffs responded as a drizzle started.
The fetid air made the rain have a hue similar to concrete with a light coating of charcoal dust. Major Carnage simply sat with the Jeffs, casually showing off a familiar neon black chainsaw.
"You both see it?" Major Carnage asked after noticing both Jeffs were giving her funny looks.
The only answer she got were both of them scooting as far from her as possible upon the rusted bench. A three wheeled Greyhound bus eventually arrived, with the fourth wheel replaced by a replica of a steering wheel from a naval warship dating to roughly 1843. The public transport had its usual brand of weirdness: A man with several trash cans stitched together with zip ties, Slenderman reading a book written entirely in Braille, Tails Doll sort of just floating in place due to a lack of animation files, Smile Dog getting chin scratches from Nina the Killer. Bizarrely, there was a lack of weird ramblings about how space aliens stole the world's supply of apple cores to support the Illuminati's goal of solar system domination.
"MMph mmph, mmph mpph huddah." The PA mumbled.
Several people left the bus as several more trudged in. Red crammed itself into the bus, a trash bag leaking egg yolk in one hand. Ben Drowned teleported in, life jacket on the statue, a baguette floating by a hand and a Finnish flag by the other. Eyeless Jack smeared his eye ink all over the seats, due to having lost his cane.
"So, where's everyone heading?" Someone asked.
"To work" was the universal answer, as Slenderman grabbed his briefcase and dusted off his suit.
But to the dismay of all, Slenderman stopped in his tracks and pointed directly ahead of him. Alas, in spite of his blindness, he saw the worst horror before his blank face: A Sony live action movie using his likeness. The Live Action Sonyman looked like a cheap animation made by a bunch of underpaid cubicle serfs, considering the tentacles didn't have a smooth frame rate. Alas, 'twasn't the end of the Sony Adaptations. A live action version of Jeff the Killer emerged from the alleyway, shitty makeup and plastic looking knife and all. It seemed like a whole assembly line of these Live Actions was within the dark heart of the alley.
"Guys, don't worry. Jeff the Killer 3: Jeff Harder won't be AS bad as the Emoji Movie!" Live Action Jeff pleaded in a mocking tone.
Jeff Smith stepped out of the bus, Jeff Kira not too far behind him. Smith, standing before the horde of Live Actions, heed not their jest. Live Action Jeff taunted Smith with childish gestures.
"Oh, so you're approaching me instead of running away?" Live Action Jeff continued his mocking with.
"I can't beat the shit out of you without getting closer." Smith retorted.
Live Action Jeff hadn't a second to respond before a manhole cover was the last thing that went through his mind. Both sides of the conflict stopped their jeering to look at the grisly spectacle. Everyone waited with bated breath to see what unfolds next. To the shock and chagrin of all, another Live Action Jeff emerged, combining and morphing like Play-Doh. Chunks of circuitry fell out of the Live Action like someone sloppily eating potato chips.
"Jeff is Back!" Live Action Jeff announced.
The Live Action Jeff 2.0 had a computer monitor for a head dating to the era of Windows XP Gateway computers, his ghastly face replaced by a crude, pixelated mockery of Jeff Kira. Black and white, crude laughter through a decaying audio speaker, crawling from the tomb of a cobweb and ant husk filled woofer.
"Working together, all of us can make billions!" A robotic voice spoke through Live Action Jeff 2.0's speaker with. "All you have to do is sign a contract."
Live Action Jeff 2.0 outstretched a green right hand in a gesture of thinly veiled malice, merely wearing the skin suit of goodwill. Not a single individual, eldritch monster nor cryptid accepted the deal, instead pushing him aside to venture into the inky abyss of the alley. Unfortunately for you, I'm running out of words to describe things so you have to do it yourself.
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