The Creepy Case of Creepiness

The Crime of Creepiness
13:63 AM, Septembuary 32nd
Happy Birthday to me! Well, technically, it's my sister's birthday, but she's dead so now i get all her presents now! Yay! This will certainly come in handy when I do another investigation. I'm a detective. A rly good one. I also intend on useing this to write down my dailu todo list. I need to write all this down because i have a rare condition called SMFWTPNI: Selective Memory For When The Plot Needs It. If I don't write this stuff down, then i forget everything that i did the previous day. Oh, by the way, my name is Drago, Drago Hudson. I have a daughter named Valerie. She's starting high school this year. Wow, I'm not rly good at this. Hopefully I'll get better as I write in this. Anyways, I'll let you know if anything else happens, diary... my one and only true friend.
11:97 PM, Septembuary 33rd
Wowee, sum strange happenings happened today!
First, I went over to Chuck E Cheeze's to check out a report of a giant mutated rat escaping from there. While there, I became bored quickly, so i decided to meat up with my freind, Charles, who worked there as a second job. His first job was at a school. He was cleaning up kiddie vomit near a "STAFF ONLY" room. We talked about how good Spagetti-Hoops, Richard Simmons, Pepperoni Pizza Hot Pockets, and Wheel of Fortune were for exactly 16 minutes, 38 seconds, 2 milliseconds, and 8 nanoseconds. My higher-up, Boss Canihavesomepens, went over and brought me back over to the crime scene, where a scientist lay on the ground, with Vick's Vapor Rub all over the floor next to him. The scientist wasn't dead, but he soon was as the coroners went over and stabbed him in the face. We were all shocked and horrified, as the amount of Vick's Vapor Rub on the floor was a huge waste of resources. I cried alittle, and Boss comforted me. We left the scene and drove away, leaving the scientist's body there. It was dead, there was obviously nothing else it could tell us, so what was the point of bringing it along? Boss and I decided to go to Mickey Dee's to get six Triple Bacon Cheeseburgers, and Freedom Fries, because freedom, and America, and stuff. And freedom. Yeah.
After getting some delicious McDonalds, we went over to another case. This time, there was sum rly spoopy stuff! Sum kid named Jeff had killed his whole family with a sephiroth sword, except for his brother, Liu. From him, I learned that "Jeff had taken his waifu, Big Jane Lebowski-sama, to the house, and set her on fire!" Jeff had thought he killed Liu, but Liu somehow had the power of making himself look dead. The coroners had determined that the families had been set on fire by bleach and different kinds of alcohol, due to them all having long black hair, and multi-colored leathery skin. We left, but not before Liu had started stabbing some coroners for no reason. Boss and I went over to the hospital to check on this Jane person, but she was unconscious, with a tube in her arm. The nurse carped that we couldn't be there, so we left. We decided to get some cinnabuns with extra syrup. We indulged ourselves for exactly 4 minutes, 9 seconds, 5 milliseconds, and 1 nanosecond. Then we went back to the station to be sick. We puked at our desks for exactly 3 minutes, 57 seconds, 9 milliseconds, and 2 nanoseconds. Then we said goodbye to each other, and I went home.
When I got home, I turned on the TV. I saw on the news that a kid with pure white skin, long black hair, and a white hoodie had murdered his entire family. Then I heard that another kid that murdered six coroners in six seconds by stabbing each of them six times was being called "Homicidal Liu". I was shocked and horrified at this. What would make children do something so horrible? I ate away my sadness and distress before I could develop an intelligent thought, and passed out watching an episode of Rugrats. I woke up when I had a dream of someone screaming "MORSE", and remembered about my SMFWTPNI, so now I'm writing this down so I don't forget. I have to sleep now; I have a feeling tomorrow's going to be an exausting day.
10:71 AM, Septembuary 34th
Today was an exausting day. First, someone broke into my apartment, and left a copy of some game called "Sonic R". I decided to play it tomorrow, and covered up the broken window with a blanket. Then I went to work. Boss's higher-up, Chief, was yelling to me about some mouse that suicides people, and that I had togo to Disney HQ to investigate. When we went to our car, we found six little punks slashing each of the tires six times, and each of their shirts had six geometric shapes on them. We brought the kids in, and then had to run to the Disney HQ, which was 2 blocks away. Barely managing to survive the trip, we crawled over to the crime scene. A employee had shot himself in the face after saying "real suffering is not known" seven times. I groaned, seeing that the case wasn't even worth my time. I went home, deciding to go on my Xbox and play Minecraft with my friends. I don't think they would like to be named, so I'll just call them by their gamertags: JesseWulf, who was kind of a
pretensious douchebag, who I mainly just tolerated, Roma, who was a cool British dude, and Stoney, who I mostly forgot was even there. My gamertag was Dark, and I was the best Minecraft and Skyrim player on the planet, no, the galaxy. However, due to my stress, I got alittle sloppy, and I died due to some Creepers, and Zombies. I told them goodbye, and decided to go to sleep. Then, Valerie woke me up, going on and on about some wanker named Thomas. I threw her out the window, and got back to bed. I can only hope that tomorrow will be better.
7:86 PM, Septembuary 35th
Oh God...
Charles...
He's gone crazy...
We found a VHS tape of Wheel of Fortune in the VHS player...
A Pepperoni Pizza Hot Pocket was spilled on his manhood...
A Richard Simmons tape was in the waste bin...
Why?
Why?
WHY!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
4:15 PM, Octovember 3rd
Ok, I'd outta tell you what happened;
After Charles was sent to an insane asylum, I fell into a deep depression, attempting to kill myself. I first tried using a knife. However, the knife sounded like it had no reason, so I didn't use
it. I tried to jump out the window, but instead of luckily landing on the ground, I flew off to Nebraska. I gave up there, and decided to just do what I've always done: 
drown out my sorrows in food and video games. I tried out Sonic R, and quickly discovered it was the best racing game ever! But then, I learned from Valerie that some 
kid at her school had a close encounter with the Tails Doll, so my only source of happiness in life was violently stolen from me. I investigated some cases, trying to 
make things go back to normal. I ingeniously solved nearly impossible cases, such as how a forest had somehow burned down in a storm, and how sum former employee of 
WalMart killed a bunch of people. I discovered that all these non-sensical things were happening because of a condition called Massive Mind Loss. It caused those 
inflicted with it to go insane, but also develop superpowers, usually super-strength and enhanced senses. However, some people have specific powers, such as the ability 
to set anything on fire (Jeff the Killer; his burns happened this way), the ability to become as fast as a Leporad (Teke Teke), and the ability to not use knives, 
because they have no reason.
...
I think I have Massive Mind Loss...
43:95 AM, Octovember 85th
I've reached a decision.
I'm going to kill myself. I don't want to hurt anyone, and end up like one of those freaks pupping up all over the place. Boss has recently moved up in power at the department, and has started participating in some kind of "Cult of X". It's like I don't even know who he is anymore. There are two friends of Boss's that'll take me and his positions. They're siblings, Derek and Chelsa Green. I pray for the best for those poor souls. Goodbye, my daughter, Valerie... Valerie Hudson... I love you.
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==The Aftermath==
Drago Hudson's daughter, Valerie, Valerie Hudson, got a boyfriend. This boyfriend's name was Thomas Simple. He turned out to have Massive Mind Loss (now known as MML), and murdered a football team. Thomas and Valerie, Valerie Hudson, have not been seen since.
Derek and Chelsa Green ended up murdered by the Cult of X.
Boss Canihavesomepens has denied any questions involving the incompetence of the police force, as well as any inquiries about the Cult of X.
Big Jane Lebowski disappeared from the hospital, causing the "Jeff the Killer" and "Homicidal Liu" Cases to run cold.
Drago's Xbox account, "Dark", was hacked into by a yet-to-be-identified person. He's a lot better at Minecraft and Skyrim than Drago was, though.
There is, however, a silver lining to all this: Charles was eventually released from the insane asylum, and was able to get work at another school. There, he was able to find a friend in a Mr. The Chucked, and he has been able to get his life back to the way it was before: having everything.
Category:Bad Fanfiction
Category:WHAT A TWIST!