Pokémon (video game series)

Pokémon (Japanese: “巨大な便器” or “チンポコモン“, sometimes even 陰茎の穴; pronounced "pokeyman") is a multi-billion dollar franchise created by Nintendo and . It consists of a highly questionable, repetitive, recycled RPG video game series, aimed at certain targets such as little boys, the crippled, and weeaboos across the entire planet.
The concept revolves around cartoonized, edgy Japanese kids trapping imaginary fairy creatures into fishing bobbles, and forcing them to brutally fight each other for self-gain and bragging rights. Nintendo keeps the game alive as a tool of promoting subliminal Japanese ultranationalism into millions of people's minds, all sugarcoated by fairy creatures known as Pocket Monsters (Pokémon for short) with countless merchandise, toys, and Deviantart artists promoting Pokémon to replace all decent non-Pokémon art.
Pokémon provided many unwitting 90s and early 2000s children with hours of "unique" gameplay and addiction, while subliminally brainwashed them into hating America. It is likely that it lead to the rapid increase in animal abuse, Star Spangled flag burnings, and shouts of "Owatta Beikoku!!" by kids. This has only been made worse by 4Kids appropriating Japanese culture, via means of sub sandwiches and jelly doughnuts which sparked outrage among many weeaboos.
If kids can slaughter Combuskens (ワカシャモ) and Inkays (陰茎) in Pokémon, then what the hell is stopping them from slaughtering chickens and squids in real life? Nothing! There were three generations of Pokémon games, released from 1998 to 2003. Absolutely no more games have been released since then. None! I can't imagine there being nine or something flippin' stupid like that...
==Gameplay==
Players of Pokémon control a young orphaned boy who sets out to become a Pokémon Master ("巨大便器マスター" in Japanese) after choosing one of three starter Pokémon from a professor named after a type of wood from a tree. The player spends most of the game travelling through a unrealistically utopian, cartoonized version of Japan that appeals to weeaboos and neck beards, trapping innocent wild animals and robots in fishing bobble capsules and forcing them to fight each other for his amusement and ego.
He also encounters "strange" buildings called Gyms, establishments that players are certainly unfamiliar with due to being idiots. At each Gym, the player must defeat the Gym Leader and earn a badge to advance the plot. After defeating all eight Gym Leaders, the player battles four "exceptionally skilled" Pokémon trainers known as the Elite Four (or "エリート弱虫" in Japanese) followed by an even more exceptionally skilled Pokémon trainer known as the Champion (or "首ひげ" in Japanese).
==List of games==
==Cash-ins==
Due to the popularity that this videogame franchise got, Game Freak decided to milk the hell out of it, producing several animes, toys, and whatnot.
===Anime===
 
There was also a Pokémon anime on Kids' WB. It ran from 1998 to 2003, with five seasons, 273 episodes, two specials, and five feature-length films that had Misty in them, and only Misty (and Brock). No more!
In the series, ten-year-old Ash Ketchum is kicked out of the house by his parents for slacking off and not getting a job. Yes, in this universe, ten-year-olds are basically adults. So Ash, being the vagabond that he is, breaks into the local zoo and steal a Pokémon named Pikachu, a creature known for its electro-shock attack and extensive vocabulary. He will use it to win cock-fighting tournaments in the hopes of making enough money to buy his own brothel.
As time goes on, fame goes to Ash's head, and he soon wants much more than a brothel. In fact, he breaks into song:
:I wanna be the very best [Pokémon trainer], that no one ever was.To catch them is my real test– to train them is my cause.I will travel across the land, searching far and wide.Teach Pokémon to understand the power that's inside.
:Pokémon (gotta catch 'em all).It's me and you.I know it's my destiny.Pokémon, oh, you're my best friend.In a world we must defend.
:Pokémon (gotta catch 'em all), a heart so true.Their courage will pull them through.
I'll push my Krokorok off a waterfall.
You teach me and I'll teach you.(Po-ke-mon) GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL!!!''
To achieve fame and fortune, Ash enlists the help of his two friends: jailbait red-head Misty and extroverted token Chinegro Brock. Together, they must search their world for all Mew (only 150!) Pokémon, while avoiding the likes of the wacky & sexually-confused Team Rocket.
A brief rundown of everything else in the anime: Giratina is Satan but good, Arceus Is God but in this universe God's an asshole, Mewtwo is a half man half Pokemon that's pink, Celebi is a flying green Half Grasshopper Half Groot who can time travel, and Pikachu is a mouse nowhere near as important as the Anime wants you to believe it is.
===Trading card game===
The company behind Pokémon also decided to plagirize Magic: The Gardering by distributing their own trading cards with their own brand of Pokémons stamped on them. This seemingly inoffensive cards caused chaos and confusion as several parents were worried that their kids could get addicted to trading cards or something.
===Toys and other cash-ins===
==Fandom==
Pokémon fans are on the same neckbeard coin as cancerous Naruturd fans, Nintendo fans, and other cancerous franchises. Many Pokémon fans continue playing crappy Pokémon games into their adulthood... especially in the United States, as they enter college solely for art school, and end up in crippling student debt, playing Japanese games like Pokémon as a giant "fuck you" to the USA.
They glamorize this ultranationalist propaganda franchise via all forms of social media, whether it be Tumblr, Deviantart, Twitch, YouTube, Nico Nico Douga and many more platforms. They are slaves to Pokémon and are cheerfully, unknowingly promoting Japanese revisionist ultranationalism aimed at children and adult dependents, drawing fanart of these butt ugly battle goblins everywhere they go.
==Fun facts==
 
*Logan Paul and his foot-soldiers dressed up as Pokémon goblins in Tokyo, Japan during Logan Paul's cringiest movie ever "GOT KICKED OUT OF JAPAN! (I'm Sorry)". They cheerfully shouted the only Japanese words they knew out loud in front of everyone, like "ARIGATOU!"
*Pochama Pan (ポチャマーパン – Piplup Bread) is made of American weeaboo cum instead of milk, kinako (toasted soybean flour) instead of wheat, and the Emperor's tears (with him crying "What has Nintendo done to my country?"
*4Kids accelerated the Pokémon epidemic, by dubbing the show into English and airing it all across the U.S. on live TV to brainwash children and adults far and wide. Although 4Kids was very jingoistic (with their own terrible version of the national anthem), they culturally appropriated Japanese culture into American, to give kids even more ignorance and warped ideas about countries beyond their own.
*Eventually, some hardcore Pokémon egg-suckers found "duh precious original Japanese episodes" and discovered onigiri, a simple ball of rice with seaweed, like it was manna from heaven. Other fans got angry about a Pokémon episode involving totally cool Guns being banned from the U.S., therefore worsening anti-American goals in the Pokémon fandom.
*Pokémon are ugly and annoying little shits that don't vaguely resemble even cute real animals.
*Celebi sent a bunch of scientists far into the past and altered the course of history and created a butterfly effect that turns Pokéballs into ultra mega super instant catch balls which is why goh catches so many Pokémon.
*Some idiots are sexually attracted to Gardevoir, which I assume is a Pokémon or something? I mean, the ability (nigh, requirement) to have 4327 kids, that shows something of how obsessed these people are.
*You can tell whether a person is a by looking at their Pokémon. If there is a shiny Gardevoir, and its owner is male, they are not. Not by a long shot.
*Shiny hunters have no life, wasting their time doing the same thing over and over for three days for one single oddly coloured Pokémon.
==See also==
*Pikmin
*Super Mario Bros.
*The Legend of Zelda
Category:Pokemon
Category:Video games
Category:Role playing games
Category:Nerd
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ja:ポケットモンスター (ゲーム)
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