The Last Day/Transcript

== Treehouse ==
(Arthur Read, Francine Frensky, and Muffy Crosswire are lying underneath The Tree House while Buster Baxter is doing squats)
Buster: One, two, three, four, five, six.
Francine: Buster, what are you doing?
Buster: Trying to stretch my jeans. I haven’t worn this pair since September and now they’re tight. Wait, there’s something in this pocket. Maybe that’s why they’re tight. Hey, I remember this cheese sandwich.
Francine, Arthur, Muffy: Eew, augh! Gross! Throw it away!
Buster: No way! This cheese sandwich is a relic! It’s from the very first day of third grade.
Buster: I didn’t have much of an appetite at lunch because I was so worried about our new teacher.
Arthur and Buster: Ratburn…Ratburn…
(bell rings)
Both: Ah!
Arthur: I g-guess we have to go back to class now.
(Buster tucks cheese sandwich into pocket, ominous music)
Buster: Isn’t it weird how afraid of Mr. Ratburn we were?
Muffy: I was much more afraid that Francine and I wouldn’t be in the same class.
Muffy: Gasp! Francine’s not on this list! It must be a mistake! Mr. Haney, Francine and I have to be in the same class. Isn’t there something you can do?
(pulls out watch)
Muffy: Ooh, what a handsome gold watch. I bet it’d look great on you! How about a new car? You look like a convertible man.
Francine: Muffy! We are in the same class. My name’s right here.
Muffy: Oh. Ha. Never mind.
(takes back watch)
Francine: Wow. I remember all that like it was yesterday.
Buster: And here it is nine months later.
Muffy: Only five more days until…
Arthur: …the last day of school!
Buster (sniffs sandwich): Do you think this is still good?
Everyone else: No!
The Last Day
Written by Peter K. Hirsch
Storyboard by Jeremy O'Neill & Rich Marshall
== Outside Preschool ==
Jane: So how was your last day, D.W.?
D.W.: Fun but exhausting. We sang songs, danced, ate cake. There was barely time for a nap. I’m looking forward to kindergarten. I bet it’ll be much easier than preschool.
Jane: Oh, I wouldn’t be so sure. Preschool was only a half-day. Kindergarten is a full six hours.
D.W.: Six hours?! That’s like going to real school!
Jane: It is real school. You’ll be learning a lot more too.
D.W.: Will I have homework? And tests? Arthur always gets that look on his face when he has a test coming up. (makes face)
Jane: Don’t worry. You’ll do just fine. Oh, you’re such a big girl now.
D.W. has nervous look on her face
== Sandbox ==
Bud: My daddy said the same thing. ‘You’re a big boy now.’ He said, ‘Soon, you’ll be asking to borrow the car.’ So I asked to borrow the car and he said no.
D.W.: Kindergarten sounds like a big deal. Do you think you’re ready?
Bud: I’m not sure. I still have trouble with my alphabet. It’s that M-N-L-O-P part.
D.W.: I think that’s L-M-N-O-P.
Bud: Ugh! It gets me every time? What happens if I don’t know it on the first day?
D.W.: I don’t know. Maybe we should practice being big kids.
Bud: How do we do that?
D.W.: I have an older brother, and you have an older sister. We’ll just watch them and do what they do.
She puts sunglasses on a doll.
== Ice Cream Shop ==
Arthur: I just spoke to Prunella. For fourth grade, we'll either have Mrs. Frumpus or Miss Grimslid.
Buster: Awww! Not Miss Grimslid, She never laughs. I tried everything on her. All I've gotten was a cough.
flashback to Buster
Arthur: Well, maybe we can get Mrs. Frumpus.
Brain: I heard that Mrs. Frumpus is leaving and being replaced by someone new.
Arthur: Do you know anything about them?
Brain: No, just that his name is Mr. Cramp.
Buster: Mr. Cramp? Aw, great. I’ll either get the teacher that can’t laugh or the one that gives you a pain on your side.
MC: Actually, the name has nothing to do with cramps. It’s from the Anglo-Saxon “crampe,” which was a nickname for someone stooped over. But I never liked the way “Mike Cramp” sounded. That’s why I go by MC.
Arthur: You’re a teacher?
MC: I think of myself as more of a mind-guide. All the magic takes place in here (points to Arthur’s head) I just remove the obstacles. (To Brain) Goji berry soy-yo in a gluten-free cone, my good man.
Brain: Coming right up.
MC: I believe that learning is living and living is learning. My teaching isn’t just hands-on. It’s hands-up, hands-down, and hands-together. (Grabs cone from Brain) My students will sweat, shout, and stretch their brains to the breaking point, but they will never be bored. That’s the MC Promise. (To Brain) Thanks for the non-dairy refreshment Scoops Samurai. (To Arthur and Buster) Long ears, strong heart! (Exits shop)
Buster: Long ears, strong heart. That’s Bionic Bunny’s motto!
(Both get up to look at MC riding away on a scooter)
Buster: He knows Bionic Bunny. We have to get him for 4th grade, no matter what! (Arthur nods in agreement)
==Playground==
Binky and George are playing marbles when a burlap sack drops onto Binky’s head.
Binky: Hey! What’s this?
Francine and Muffy are on the play structure right above him.
Francine: A sack. I thought you might want to practice for camp since us girls crushed you in sack racing last year.
Binky: Well, you’d better…buy a canoe…cause…cause…
Muffy: Oh, don’t worry, Binky. Francine and I aren’t going to Camp Meadowcroak this year.
Francine (surprised): What! Yes, we are.
Muffy: No we’re not.
Binky: Woohoo! Boys rule! Can I still keep this sack?
Francine and Muffy walk away and have an aside.
Francine: But…we made a pact at the end of last summer that we’d go to camp together.
Muffy: And we will. Not just Camp Meadowcroak. Here’s where we’re going (Holds up brochure ‘Welcome to Camp Elysium’)
Francine: Camp Elysium? ‘A full-service interactive resort for discriminating children.’ Muffy: It’s the most amazing place. There are French classes, an indoor swimming pool, a four-star chef, but best of all, there are no mosquitoes!
Francine: How is that even possible?
Muffy: The whole estate is surrounded by an invisible plastic dome!
Francine: It sounds so…fancy.
Muffy: It is. (Opens up a brochure) They also have a whole stable of thoroughbred horses. Francine: No way!
Muffy: Check out their website. You’re going to love it! I just know it.
==Francine’s house==
Francine is on her computer, visiting the Camp Elysium website. She clicks on it.
Narrator: At Camp Elysium, the discriminating child will enjoy a well-balanced diet…
A plate of lobster is served to the children.
Francine: Ugh.
Narrator: Thrilling sports…
Same children are playing croquet.
Narrator: The arts…
A child sings German opera.
Narrator: And access to our stable of thoroughbred horses…
Francine excitedly turns to screen.
Narrator: Because every discriminating child should know the rudiments of horse ballet.
Francine (sarcastic): Yippee.
Narrator: We hope you’ll consider Camp Elysium, a character-building luxury resort completely free of mosquitoes.
Children: And it’s quite fun.
A mosquito hits the plastic dome and drops dead.
Francine turns away from screen in disbelief before hearing a beep
Francine (reading Muffy’s email): “Did you visit the site? Isn’t it unbelievable?”
(Types up response) Oh yes, it’s unbelievable all right. Let’s talk about it tomorrow.
Bud is using a periscope to spy on Ladonna reading in her room when she notices and slams the door. Arthur walks into the kitchen and complains, “There’s only three days of school left and Ratburn is giving us a test. Ugh, it’s so unfair!” D.W. observes him from behind a cereal box.
==Read House==
D.W. and Bud are outside D.W.’s house while Molly skateboards by.
D.W.: I’ve been watching Arthur closely. I’ve never realized how strange big kids were.
Bud: You’re telling me! What are some things you’ve learned?
D.W.: Well, if you want to act like them…
Music, both start singing Big Kid Song
D.W.: Let’s start practicing. See ya.
Bud: Later.
Both walk away.
==Outside School==
MC: A wise man once said, “The mind is like a shoe. It can take you to the highest mountain, but if your laces aren’t tied, you could trip and skin your knees.”
Brain: Who said that?
MC: I did.
Arthur: Can we be in your class, MC?
Buster: Arthur and I are great students. I mean, I only have a B-average, but look at my shoes! (Raises leg.) They’re double-knotted!
MC: The universe is in flux, my friend. Wherever we end up is where we’re meant to be.
Bell rings.
MC: Go, my crickets. The bell tolls for thee. Long ears, strong heart.
Arthur: Maybe Ratburn can put in a good word for us.
==Ratburn’s Class==
Arthur and Buster are at Ratburn’s desk, talking to him.
Arthur: We just think he really gets us.
Buster: I’m sure I’d do really well in his class. He’s so inspiring.
Ratburn: Hm. Yes. I’ve heard Mr. Cramp is very, uh, innovative.
Arthur: He prefers MC.
Ratburn: Anyways, it’s Principal Haney’s decision, not mine.
Both walk away disappointed.
Ratburn: But remember, first impressions aren’t everything. And I have prepared you both to do well in whichever class you end up in.
Both walk on.
Buster: MC must have some say over who he gets.
Arthur: Maybe we can something that will impress him.
==Cafeteria==
Muffy is sipping juice while Francine comes over.
Francine: Muffy, about this Camp Elysium—
Muffy: Before you say another word, I want to apologize.
Francine: You do?
Muffy: I realized the camp may be just too fancy for you. So—
Francine: So we’re gonna go to Camp Meadowcroak?
Muffy: What? No! I asked Daddy if he would help pay for you. And guess what? He said yes! (Clapping) Isn’t that wonderful?
Francine (nervous): Uh…
Muffy: I already reserved us two spots. Oh, Francine! We’re going to have the best summer ever, most of all, because we’ll be together!
Francine: I can’t wait…
==Francine’s Dream Sequence==
Francine, Muffy, and other campers are at the table at Camp Elysium.
Muffy (whispering): Francine, you’re using the wrong fork!
Francine puts down that fork and picks up the correct lobster fork, and finds out the lobster is gone.
Francine: Huh?
She sees it scuttling towards the exit.
Muffy: You’d better get that! Lobsters aren’t allowed outside of the dining room!
Francine (running towards it): Come back! I don’t even wanna eat you! Where did it go?
Francine whistles.
Francine: Here, lobster, lobster, lobster!
She looks back to see dozens of lobsters chasing her. She screams.
Francine: A tree. Maybe lobsters can’t climb!
She bumps into the dome.
Francine: No, no, no!
Francine wakes up in her bedroom.
Francine: You couldn’t drag me to that place.
==Cafeteria==
Arthur, Buster, Brain, Binky, and MC are eating at a table.
MC: How is a good student like these mashed potatoes?
Binky: I know! He sticks to his studies like mashed potatoes to this fork.
MC: Little big man, you’re smarter than you know! But that’s not the answer I was looking for. Like these potatoes, the good student soaks up the gravy of learning until it is part of him.
Brain: Sigh…
Arthur: MC, we were just wondering, does Principal Haney assign you, students?
Buster: Do you get to pick?
MC: All I know is that I want students like these potatoes: firm but pliable. And eager to absorb the sauce of knowledge.
Eats potatoes before leaving on his scooter. Students say words of admiration.
Buster: Ah, I can’t believe he ate with us.
Arthur: I think I know how we can impress him. Meet me at my house after school.
==Arthur’s House==
Arthur: MC wants students who are really excited about learning, so here’s what we’ll do: we’ll make a poster showing everything we’ve learned this past year.
Buster: But I don’t think I know that much.
Arthur: Buster, you’ve learned tons of stuff in third grade. Just check out our workbooks. This is from October. Remember we learned all about the Maya in Mexico?
Buster: Oh yeah! They built that pyramid, uh, Chichen Itza.
Arthur: Then in February we learned that plants convert sunlight into energy.
Buster: That’s called photosynthesis.
Arthur: Wow! I can’t believe you remember that.
Buster: Me neither.
Buster: And here we’ll put the formula for finding the area of a circle, which is pi…
Arthur: R-squared!
Buster: Right. We’re running out of paper. Should we get another sheet?
Bud: What are they doing?
D.W.: It must be homework. Come on. That gives me an idea.
Buster: I have no idea I knew so much. How can this head hold all that information?
Arthur: Well, Mr. Ratburn did work us pretty hard.
D.W. (in the distance): Excellent work, Bud. 1+1 does equal 11. You get an A+++!
Bud: Thanks. You can have an A+++ too! That’s a very good map of the world.
Arthur: What are you two doing?
D.W.: What does it look like? Homework
Arthur and Buster laugh.
Bud: What are you laughing at?
Buster: You two don’t have to do homework. That’s for big kids.
Bud: We are big kids! We’re going to kindergarten next year and I know my ABCs, even the M-N-L-O-P part.
Arthur: It’s L-M-N-O-P.
Bud: Ugh! Every time! I’m never gonna get it.
D.W.: Bud, remember, act cool. (They both put on sunglasses.) Come on Bud, let’s go study. I can’t believe that kindergarten teacher is going to give us a test on our first day.
Bud: And we haven’t even met her yet. She’s so mean.
==Muffy’s House==
Francine: And remember this? This is when we beat that other camp at tug-o-war!
Muffy: Ugh? How could I forget? I had dirt under my nails for a week.
Francine: OK, but you have to admit, it was pretty fun. Oh look, it’s that camp counselor we had, Becky. Wasn’t she the best?
Muffy: She had that hippie chic look-down put, but why are you showing me all these photos of Camp Meadowcroak?
Francine: I want you to remember what a good time we had there.
Muffy: I know, but we’re going to have a great time at Camp Elysium. Look, I already ordered these matching sun visors with the camp crest on them. They’ll be perfect for when we’ll golf. Or play bocce—
Francine: No, thank you.
Muffy: Is it not your color? But you don’t really have a color.
Francine: I don’t want it because I’m not going!
Muffy: Why not?
Francine: I don’t want to. I don’t care how fancy that camp is, it’s not for me.
Muffy: But..we made a pact. We said we were going to spend the summer together, no matter what!
Francine: Well…Maybe we have to break the pact. We don’t have to do everything together, right?
Muffy: You’re just being stubborn! You could at least try it.
Francine: It’s for a whole month. If I don’t like I’ll be stuck there—
Muffy: I’d like you to leave now.
Francine: Don’t be mad at me. We just like different things.
Muffy: OK, I get it. We have nothing in common. Stop rubbing it in!
Francine groans and walks away.
==Ratburn's Class==
Ratburn closes the classroom door.
Ratburn: Settle down, everyone. I have an announcement to make.
Buster: (gasps) He's gonna tell us what teacher we're gonna get. I know it!
Arthur: Please, please let it be MC!
Ratburn: Tomorrow is the last day of school, and it can be quite distracting. So I'd like to take the opportunity to tell you this now. You've been one of the finest third-grade classes I have ever had. And it has been a pleasure teaching every one of you. If I had been, at times, strict and demanding, it is because extraordinary minds deserve to be challenged. You have met those challenges with great enthusiasm and perseverance. And in doing so, have helped me become a better teacher. (He bows.) Thank you.
Buster and Arthur look at each other while Brain turns the page in his history book.
Ratburn: Now, please open your history books to page 127.
==Cafeteria==
MC talks to Sue Ellen and Fern.
MC: And just like these potatoes, you two will absorb the gravy of learning.
MC takes a bite of his mashed potatoes while Sue Ellen and Fern giggle. The camera pans to the right and shows Arthur, Buster, Binky, and Brain at another table.
Buster: He's using the exact same potato speech on Sue Ellen and Fern!
Brain: Doesn't he have any new material?
Arthur: You know what? I think I'm going to miss Mr. Ratburn!
Brain: Me too. He gave such hard extra credit assignments.
Binky: I'm gonna miss him even more than you guys. I've had him two years in a row!
Buster: I never realized how much I learned until we started making that poster.
Binky: What poster?
Arthur: It was something Buster and I were doing to try and impress MC. But I don't really feel like impressing him anymore. Instead of wasting all that time making the poster, we could've been doing something for Mr. Ratburn!
Buster: Wait a minute! Maybe it wasn't such a waste after all! Meet me after school at the treehouse. I have to spread the word!
Buster runs away from his seat.
== Arthur's House==
Arthur practices piano.
Jane (in the distance): Arthur, did you take out the trash?
Arthur: I just have to finish something for school! Can I do it in a minute?
D.W. walks into the room.
D.W.: Don't worry, Mom. I can take care of it.
D.W. opens a drawer. She covers her nose and mouth.
D.W.: PU!
She takes the garbage bag outside.
D.W.: Growing older... stinks!
The bag trips over a garden hose and all the garbage comes out. When D.W. sees this, she starts crying. Jane hears D.W.'s crying and walks outside with her.
Jane: D.W.!
D.W.: I don't think I'm ready for kindergarten!
She hugs Jane.
D.W.: So I don't have to do anything special for kindergarten?
Jane: Nope, not a thing. Just be yourself.
D.W.: Well, that's a relief. Being older doesn't seem like that much fun anyway.
Jane: Well, it has its perks!
D.W.: Thanks, mom! I think I need to make a call.
Bud: And I don't have to act cool or practice my alphabet?
D.W.: Nope.
Bud: Phew. If I had to try to do that L-M-N-O-P part one more time--
D.W.: Bud! You did it! You just got it right!
Bud drops his phone.
Bud: Woohoo! I'm a genius!
==Muffy's House==
Francine rings Muffy's house's doorbell.
Muffy: Before you say anything, I just want you to know that I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing this for us.
Francine: Doing what?
Muffy: Going to Camp Meadowcroak.
Muffy: I'll just buy a whole grain of bug repellant and granola bars because the food is completely inedible. Adam!
Francine: Muffy, I don't want you to go.
Muffy: What? Then why did you show me all those photos of last--
Francine: What I mean is, I know how much you want to go to this Camp Asylum.
Muffy: It's pronounced Elysium, and it means paradise.
Francine: Whatever. I want you to go and have a great time. Just because we're going to different camps doesn't mean we aren't still best friends.
Muffy: But, we're going to have all these separate adventures.
Francine: A-ha! I thought of that. Come with me!
Francine: It's a blog I made, called "The Separate Adventures of Inseparable Friends". We can write about what happens to us, post photos, and here's the best part. Only you and I have the password.
Muffy: What's the password?
Francine: Alice, of course. Our middle name.
Muffy: You better write every day. And bad internet service is no excuse!
Francine: I'll bring it by hand if I have to.
==Ratburn's Class==
The camera pans down on the poster from earlier.
Ratburn: It's wonderful! Y-you made this for me?
Arthur: Well, yes!
Buster: And that's not all. We made you something else too. Binky?
Binky plays a clarinet riff on his clarinet.
Piano music, class starts singing Dear Mr. Ratburn
Ratburn: Oh dear, I seem to have something in my eye. (He wipes his eye with a cloth.) That was... most impressive. A bit pitchy in spots, but overall--
MC (in the distance): Oh, am I interrupting?
MC: A thousand pardons, Nigel. Just wanted to check out my future dojo.
Arthur: Is fourth grade going to be in this room?
Ratburn: No, Mr. Cramp has actually decided he'd prefer to teach third grade.
MC: Their minds are so much more... potato-like.
Ratburn: Like the rest of you, I'll be moving on to fourth grade.
The students cheer.
Binky: That means I passed!
Buster: I'd never thought I'd say this, but, I really hope I get Mr. Ratburn!
Arthur nods.
Special appearance by
B. J. NOVAK
In memory of
GREG KRAMER
    
Category:Season 19 transcripts
Category:A to Z