Boulder Kills Wizard

I am a peaceful boulder. I spent my days and nights overlooking a grand pasture with my wizard friend. The both of us hope to one day conquer Nuro. One day, the two of us will be able to live in peace together. Until then, I will continue to enjoy the company of my friends.
I then rolled over on top of the wizard and squeezed his eyes shut. He tried to scream out, but was unable to do so as he was suffocated by my body.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Please don't kill me!" He cried out.
I then apologized to the wizard for killing him. He seems surprised that I would even wanted to apologize since he was killed by another wizard.
"No, it's alright. It's not your fault." he said and then began to fade away into nothingness.
I then headed back to the bank where I found that the guards were dead. The wizards were also killed in the same way.
"Well, this is a bit different than what we had planned."
I then walked up to the ATM machine and pressed the button. A few seconds later, I heard a loud beeping noise, followed by a high pitched squeal.
"What the fuck is that?"
The screen lit up with a message, saying:
"It's me, the wizard, I telepathically downloaded my soul into this ATM."
My soul now resides inside the ATM. I looked at the screen and saw the words "Welcome To The Soul Bank" appear.
"It's like my computer, only better."
I then entered the soul bank's ATM and started withdrawing money. I was making good money there.
"Ohh, I can feel the souls of all those who died today flowing through me."
I thought about how I'll have to pay the fee when I got home.
I then approached the soul bank teller, who looked at me with suspicion.
"Hello, I'd like to withdraw 7 million dollars- Oh! I mean, souls."
"Sorry, souls aren't right."
I then pulled out 7 million souls and placed them into an envelope. I put it into the mailbox and mailed it off. I waited until the next day and opened the mailbox. I saw the envelope waiting for me.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you!"
I then arrived at the soul movie theater, which was located in a seedy part of town.
I noticed a sign hanging above the door that read: Garfield 3D.
I entered the theater and took a seat near the front row. I watched the first film. Garfield is a very funny character. After watching the film, I began to wonder if I should go to the soul bank or continue watching the films.
I continued watching the films and soon realized that I've been missing something. I began to feel a little weird. I started to feel a sense of unease. I asked one of the patrons what's wrong. He told me that there was a ghost in the theater.
I then explained to the patron that he was dead and is currently a ghost, but he didn't believe me. I tried to convince him but he refused to listen.
I then passed my hand through his chest and convinced him. He let me pass and I left the the theater.
I then went to the soul hardware store. I walked in and saw a man behind the counter. He saw me and smiled.
I ask if he knows that he is dead. He nodded his head in agreement.
I then asked when did he die. He replied that he died yesterday.
I then asked how he died. He replied that he fell down a well.
I then asked what he had for sale. He replied that he had a lot of silver coins.
I then asked if he had any new lawnmowers. He replied that he does have some new lawnmowers, but they were not working properly.
I then told him to fix the lawnmowers, but he said no.
I then said: "Please fix the lawnmowers, or there will be consequences."
He agreed and handed me a key to the nearest house.
I sold him the key for 10 million souls. I entered the house and knocked on the door. A young woman opened the door. She asked what I needed. I told her that I was looking for a soul to help me complete my quest.
I then asked her how she died. She replied that she was electrocuted.
I then asked her what her name is. She said that her name is Mary.
I then gave Mary 1 million souls. I then gave her a note, saying that I'll meet her again in Heaven.
I then went to Heaven, where I found Mary sitting in a chair with a book in her lap.
She looked up as I entered.
THE END
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Inside Jokes
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:DIALOGUE!
Category:WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT