Are You Afraid of the Dark?... The Lost Episode!

You may have heard of this kid's show, it was called "Are You Afraid of the Dark"? The Canadian television program aired on the Nickelodeon network from 1990 to 1996. Every week, the "Midnight Society" an unexplained collection of children would gather in the words to share a spooky tale around a campfire in the middle of some destitute woods. The horror anthology series was intended for kids, but a few episodes crossed the line. One episode that was pulled from production right before being released completely changed the story's theme in a way that is quite frankly disturbing and caused several children to have nightmares months after being part of the early test audience.
Cinar mysterious cancelled the program, only to briefly bring it back in 1999. It was abruptly cancelled again, and this time no explanation was given as to why it would not return to the air. Nickelodean aired one episode at midnight during Nick-at-Nite's adult programming block, before quickly pulling it because even adult audiences found it too disturbing.
The episode started as normal, with that creepy music playing, the abandoned, rickety swingset, and that eerie clown doll smiling. Then the nostalgia kicks in, the kids gathering around the campsite, coming, seemingly from out of nowhere and appearing at the campsite. All of the child characters had names, but they were rarely mentioned and I couldn't remember them. The African American boy said "Nice weather, if you're flipper the dolphin!" There was no laugh track on this show, and personally I didn't find that comment funny at all. Then the young blonde child spoke. "Ugh, it smells like a dead cat in here. Whose cat died in here?" Then the fat kid spoke, though at a low, muffled tone. "It wasn't a dead cat..." There was a long, disturbing pause, as the campfire burned in the darkness. "You ever notice how they talk about how ghosts can be seen, and very rarely heard? Well, that's not the whole truth...ghosts can smell too. And they can give off that smell, of dead bodies." There was a long, five second pause now. And then the black kid spoke again. "Or maybe you just farted, you fat fuck." The word "fuck was bleeped, but this still seemed inappropriate. They all laughed at him. They were just laughing, and laughing at him, as his face became as red as a cherry tomato, and many began holding their noses, and a few even left the campfire.
"No..." the fat kid said. "You can taste, touch, see, hear and smell the dead. Ghosts are all around us, and I'm not a fat fuck, I have a glandular disorder." The wind rustled in the dead, airy silence. "The dead also fart, when they eat ghost hamburgers, from ghost cows." What? There was a long pause, with confusion, and nobody speaking. And then the fat kid spoke again. "Don't blame the cheese. It's the cheese shredders that cause the problems...evil ghost cheese shredders, cutting not just gouda, but human flesh" Again nobody knew what he was talking about. "Submitted, for the approval of the midnight society... the Tale of the Terrible Cheese Shredder." He threw some sand in the campfire, and it sparkled, and the horror anthology mini-sode began, though I was quite frankly confused, and disturbed. I had worked as an intern for three or four months at Nickelodean, but nothing prepared me for the disturbing imagery contained in this episode. The words "The Tale of the Terrible Cheese Shredder" appeared in that creepy gothic font, and the episode began...
A young boy is shown entering an occult cheese shredder store. Someone, presumably offset, mumbled angrily about how he just farted, and I heard someone yell "call his agent!" loudly. The boy enters the store, a young boy, age 12-14, holding 75 cents in his change purse. A young boy with a purse. Several cheese shredders are shown hanging in the background, various, antique shredders, for shredding various cheeses. A creepy windchime noise is heard as the boy approaches the counter holding his 75 cents. A gaunt, pale man, with bloodshot eyes and vampiric teeth, missing most of his hair in a black occult suit and holding an occult book with a picture of cheese shredders smiles at him. He smiles, and smiles a sinister smile.
"is this the cheese shredder store?" The young child asks. The man smiles a sinister smile. And then he speaks, and he sounds really creepy, with a fucked up grizzled, high pitched voiced. "Our cheese shredders shred only the finest cheese, boy. But I must warn you... they cut more than just cheese." "What do you mean?" The boy asked. "Our cheese shredders shred everything, even human souls. Did you know your soul can be cut into several pieces? And those pieces can be cut into smaller pieces, until your broken soul can be scooped up with a common broom and dustpan." The kid just stared, and starts to leave because this is quite frankly disturbing him, but the man corners him. "Let's see what you have there..." He counts the 75 cents in his hand, and informs him that he does not have enough money for cheese shredders at this time. "Unless..." he smiles a sinister smile.
He goes into the back, revealing a custom black cheese shredder, with highly sharp prongs and red stains on it, with an elegant handle. "This shredder is used, but it's made from the finest quality metal. I can offer you a discount, for the last owner died a mysterious death, and his funeral held what can only be described as a closed coffin procession." The boy looked confused, and scared. "But be careful." The man smiled. "Your soul is hanging out of your body, and if the shredder gets too close, it might cut your soul. This shredder cuts human souls!" He laughed, and laughed, and handed the boy the cheese shredder, continuing to laugh as he threw the 75 cents on the counter and fled the area with the shredder in tow.
He brings his aging grandmother the cheese shredder, and this next scene was disturbing even by Nickelodeon's lax entertainment standards. His grandmother cuts her hand on the cheese shredder, and you see blood dripping from her arm. Now as many people who worked for the company know, among the few rules prescribed for writing were that there can be no blood and nobody dies onscreen. But here it was, visible blood dripping down her arm, as she screamed. The cheese shredder was too sharp. Blood poured from the open wound as the grandmother smiled. "Jimmy..." she smiled. "Jimmy...that felt good." What in god's name? She rubs her arm into the shredder, making a bigger gash as a larger pool of blood pours from the gaping wound. A squirt of blood hits the counter and the refrigerator, as she lurches forward, "YOU SHOULD TRY IT JIMMY!" His grandmother cackles, holding the cheese shredder. The cheese shredder had metal eyes, and the bottom of the shredder cracked, as if it was bending to smile.
The cheese shredder was smiling. Jimmy ran into his bedroom and locked the door. He goes over to the window, and starts screaming for his neighbor. The neighbor is shown walking across the way and entering the room, and they have a discussion about pasta. Hot linguini, a rich tomato sauce, and the finest cheese. Jimmy gasps. His grandmother points out the cheese shredder, and informs him that the shredder feels great. He runs it over the man's face, slicing off the tip of his nose, and the man eats it. The man... ate his own nose.
I'm sorry, but Nickelodeon would never air such a disturbing thing. The man comments that he hasn't felt that good in over twenty years, and he invites her to start slicing his chest and abdomen. Blood pools as tiny pieces of the man's skin fall to the floor, and the grandmother puts it in a prop, presumably to cook it. "It feels better when you reach the skeleton!" The grandmother cackled, and she continues shearing off her eyebrows and scalp and collecting it in the pot for dinner. Jimmy screams in horror, locks the door as the cheese grater whispers. "Jimmy..." the cheese grater whispers. "Jimmy...this feels great!" The cheese grater continues to murmur.
A slab of the grandmother's torn off skin is shown falling in a fast jump cut as blood starts to trickle from under the door. He locks the door, and looks out his window, screaming for help. His neighbor stood in the bushes below. "Come on, Jimmy, don't you want to eat your dinner!?" His ear is missing, and gashes in the side of his jaw show that his serrated flesh has been flayed as if with the abalone seashells Hypatia of Alexandria, or a cheese log that has been hit too many times with the scalloping fury of tortilla chips.
"Jimmy!" His neighbor smiled. "Get your dinerm!" He could barely speak, as his lips and nose were now missing. "I sliced off my sclera, it feels great! I can see everything now!" Jimmy ran and hid under the covers, before he mumbled "My name's not even Jimmy" And something truly disturbing happened. Someone slid a piece of paper under the door, and when he reached to grab it, his finger tips were quickly singed, with tiny blood droplets pouring from the pools. "Jimmy! It's your grandmother! Dinner's ready!" They started banging on the door, banging, and banging on the door, until you hear bones knocking and a click as the door rips open.
"JIMMY!" The grandmother cackled, her jaw dislocated. Her eyes were missing, blood was pouring from her malformed flesh that had been flayed to the point that the torn skin revealed visible bones. Thousands of holes, with blood pouring from every orifice, and blood squirting as her visible heart pumped and squirted blood all over him and the neighbor, who was now in pieces, his severed head mumbling from the skull sockets, "Jimmy, this feels so good..." He screamed as they approached him with the cheese grater, his grandmother's eyeballs rolling across the floor covered in blood, severed flesh in a pot of pasta, with her skinned face, eyes, lips, nose mouth and ears... "Alfredo..." The neighbor chordled... "Alfredo!!" He screamed, and gallons of white pus sauce poured from his bleeding, severed jaw and torn up, bubblegum style flesh attached to broken cartilage and a jaw that merely dangled down, his tongue, his tongue cut and severed by the pleasurable grater.
Jimmy reached into his pocket, produced a packet of American cheese and threw it at his grandmother with great aplomb. They screamed. The skeletons screamed, blood pouring from their faces, pouring, and pouring from their faces, locked in horror and they began to burn and melt to a puddle of blood and three dead corpses were shown, with coffins and the words "they are dead" written in sharpie.
This was disturbing. Nickelodeon would never air such a thing.
And then it cut back, the end of the episode. And then the African American child spoke, though in a different tone. "Or maybe you just farted, you fat fuck." They all laughed, and laughed at him. They were just laughing, and laughing, and laughing away, as the opacity dither to 30, 20 and then 15%, until they were almost transparent and barely visible, but still laughing, and child skulls were around the campfire. The bones of children, laying around the sofa against the light of the campfire. Who would drag a sofa into the woods? And the bones... it could've been midget bones, but given the context... those were... child bones. I think you see a native American man in the background. And then there was 0% opacity, but there was still laughter, growing louder, to the point that I had to lower the volume. A narration started, combined with the same gothic text from the show.
"Layton Huang is still wanted for the serial murder of fifteen youths in the greater forestral area of Montreal, Quebec.  If you have any information, contact..." but instead of a number, like an 800 number or anything like that... there was just a picture of a cheese grater. An audible, ghastly fart sound was heard as the screen faded to black.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Lost Episodes
Category:English Class Failure
Category:YT Readings