The Longest Eleven Minutes/Transcript

Arthur gives a presentation in class called ‘Great Inventions Throughout History’.
Arthur: Throughout history, there've been many inventions that people have come to rely on.     
He shows a slide of a crude wheel.      
Arthur: Imagine what life was like before the invention of the wheel.
In a fantasy, cavemen Arthur and Buster run from an angry mammoth.
Cave Arthur+Buster: (scream)
They jump into a Flintstones car.
Cave Buster: Go, Arthur, go!     
Arthur tries running like Fred Flintstone, but the car has no wheels and does not move. The mammoth’s shadow falls on the boys.
Cave Arthur: This will not end well.
In another fantasy, a Renaissance Mr. Ratburn stands behind Arthur, who is busy copying letters with a quill.
Arthur (narrator): Or the invention of the printing press.
Mr. Ratburn: We need 10,000 copies by tomorrow for das Elwood City book fair. Schnell, schnell!
Arthur accidentally drops ink on a piece of paper.
Arthur: (gasps) No!
Arthur (narrator): Or even the telephone.
Arthur runs to Buster’s condo. 
Buster opens the door.
Arthur: (pants) I'm going to be late!
Buster: Oh, okay, thanks.     
Arthur runs back.     
Buster: You ran all the way down here just to tell me that?
Arthur: The telephone was never invented.
The fantasy ends. The final slide shows a wheel, an old printing press and a mid-20th century telephone.
Arthur: I wonder what invention of today we won't be able to live without.
~~~
Title Card: The kids unpack an encyclopedia
~~~
Birds fly over the Read house. There are cobwebs on the swings outside and on a basketball. Arthur, Buster, Ladonna and Muffy are in the darkened living room looking at mobile devices. Arthur plays ‘Best of the Nest’ as Plain Goose. His opponent is a Strong Goose named Takashi.
Arthur: Not today, Takashi.
Muffy wants to take a selfie with her cellphone.
Muffy: Hmm, now, what's the best angle for my selfie?
Ladonna watches a video called ‘Baby Bird Bopping in Nest’ on YouWhoTube.
Ladonna: Aww.
Buster reads an article about aliens on his laptop.
Buster: Whoa!      
D.W. comes in.
D.W.: Hey, you guys!        
Nobody responds.   
D.W.: Hm.
She removes one of Arthur’s headphones and talks directly into his ear.     
D.W.: Whatcha doin'?
Arthur: (screams) Not now, D.W.
D.W.: I'm bored.
Arthur: Go play with mom.
D.W.: Mom took baby Kate to the store.
Arthur: Dad, then.
D.W.: Dad's in the garage. He's got a big catering job. He said to play with you.    
Nobody responds.     
D.W.: All right. Then I guess I'll just sing to myself. 🎵Crazy Bus🎵
Arthur: No!
D.W.: Fine.
Kids: Noooo!
D.W.: I said, fine! She Walks Away
Muffy: My new profile pic won't post. Look. I don't like that spinning wheel!
Arthur: I lost Takashi!
Ladonna: My video says it's buffering, but-but it's not buffering. It's not buffering at all.
Buster: Relax. Hit refresh.      
Buster clicks, but nothing happens.
Arthur: Guys? I think the internet is... gone!
Ladonna: That can't happen. Can it?
Buster: I must've been getting too close to the truth. And at exactly...   checks watch     ...one o'clock, “they”...   He points to the ceiling.      ...shut down the internet.
Ladonna: Who are "they"?
Buster: Exactly!
Arthur: I thought you were working on your Great Inventions report.
Buster: I am, the invention of aluminum foil. I typed "a" and "l" into Boogle, and -Boom!- "aliens" popped up! It's like Boogle knew.
Muffy: (gasps) That's it! Let's ask Boogle how to fix the internet. 
Buster: Yeah.        
He tries to access the Boogle site, but says WiFi disconnected.      
Buster: (Gasps) There is no Boogle.
Arthur: What do we do?
D.W.: Just unplug that blinking box.
Buster: Of course. The router.
Arthur: How do you know about the router?
D.W.: It's what Mom does.
Arthur unplugs the router.
Buster: Wait!
Arthur: What?
Buster: You have to wait three seconds, everybody knows that.
Muffy: What do we do for all that time?
Ladonna: We count. One...
Buster: Stop! You have to count with Mississippis.
Ladonna: One, Mississippi.
Muffy: Two, Mississippi.
Buster: Three, Mississippi!
Arthur replugs the router. Buster presses a key, but he still gets a ‘WiFi Disconnected’ sign.
Kids: Oh no.
Arthur: Now what?
D.W.: Let's be unicorns!    
She holds a finger to a forehead like a horn and runs around the room.      
D.W.: HeHeHe!
Arthur: We just need to use our brains.
~~~
Shortly afterwards, the kids talk to Brain on the phone. Brain is doing a chemical experiment in his room.
Brain: Did you run system diagnostics, checking for connectivity?
Arthur: Uh... What?
The kids stand around the Read phone while D.W. runs through the hallway holding a paper horn to her forehead. Pal follows her.
D.W.: HeHeHe!
Brain: I also suggest you temporarily disable any firewalls to ensure that's not the root cause.
Buster: This is an emergency. Can you just give us a quick fix, using simple words?
Brain: Did you unplug the router?
Kids: Yes!
Brain: Did you wait three seconds?
Kids: Yes!
Brain: Sorry, guys. That's all I've got. Maybe an internet outage on your block.
D.W.: HeHeHe!
~~~
The kids walk outside and shield their eyes against the sunlight. Alberto is just leaving the Molina house with Amigo.
Alberto: Hola, Arthur.
Arthur: Hi, Alberto. Is your internet out, too?
Alberto: Afraid so.
Arthur: What are you gonna do?
Alberto: Um, I'm just gonna walk my dog.
Muffy: How will I update my video blog? I have fans!
Ladonna: Stay calm. If we stay calm, we can get to the bottom of this.
Buster: How did people get to the bottom of things before the internet?     
They hear music.
Ladonna: That sound! Someone is streaming music.
They follow the sound into the garage. Mr. Read is taking bags of groceries into his workshop.
Arthur: Dad! The internet is gone.
Buster: Because of the aliens.
Arthur+Ladonna+Muffy: It's not aliens!
Mr. Read: Hello to all of you, too.
Ladonna: Mr. Read, are you streaming music?
Muffy: Please tell us you've found the internet.
Mr. Read: It's the radio. 
Arthur+Ladonna+Muffy: (sigh)
Mr. Read: Why don't you play outside?
Arthur: We can't play outside at a time like this.
Ladonna: Can you fix it, Mr. Read? The internet?
Mr. Read: Did you try unplugging the blinking box and waiting for...
Arthur+Ladonna+Muffy+Buster: ...three seconds, yes.
Muffy: (sighs)       
Ladonna walks to the radio.
Ladonna: A long, long time ago, people used the radio to broadcast emergency information.
Mr. Read: You don't say.
Ladonna: It's true. I did my great inventions report on the radio. Maybe it can help us. We know the internet is out. Maybe we can find out why and for how long.
Arthur: Dad, we need to borrow your radio!
Mr. Read signals his agreement and leaves. Ladonna changes the station.
Announcer (on radio): The bestselling book, ‘A Hundred New Uses for Spatulas’...
Muffy accidentally takes a flash photograph with an old polaroid camera.
Muffy: Oh!
Ladonna: What's that?
Muffy: I don't know.     
Arthur takes a completely black photograph out of the camera.
Arthur: It's... blank.
Buster: Maybe it's some kind of paper machine. It gives us paper, and we write on it.
Muffy: Whatever it is, it must be broken. That's probably why I found it in that box over there.    
She accidentally takes a photograph of Arthur and Buster.      
Muffy: Yep, this one's a dud, too.
Ladonna has found a box with an encyclopedia.
Ladonna: Wow, cool! Look at all these old books.
Arthur: Books, of course! Maybe there's something written about the internet that can help us.
Ladonna: Ah, we need more light. Books don't have screens we can brighten.
Arthur: Let's take the box to the backyard!
~~~
The kids take the box with the encyclopedia outside. D.W. is throwing a frisbee for Pal. Both have paper horns attached to their heads.
D.W.: You guys wanna play with us?
Arthur: We're a bit busy.
Buster: Saving the internet.
They put down the box and Arthur takes out ‘A-C’.
Ladonna: What's it say?
Buster: "En-cy-clo-pe-dia."    
Arthur opens it and finds a picture of an aardvark. He turns the page to a map of Argentina.
Muffy: Hm. This book is just about anything that starts with an "A".
Arthur: If only there was a book about "I".
Muffy: That's a little selfish.
Arthur: "I" for "internet," not "I" for "me."
Muffy: Oh. That would be good.
Ladonna: Here's the one with "I".    
She flips through it.      
Ladonna: Internet's not here.
Buster: “They” took it out.      
The frisbee flies past his head, looking like a UFO.
Arthur: I think this book might be from before the internet.
Ladonna: Whoa!     
The kids sit, respectively lie down. A bird flies overhead. Buster looks at the polaroid photo on which a closeup of Muffy’s face fades in.
Buster: Hey, guys? Something very strange is happening. Look!
Muffy takes the photograph.
Muffy: That is not a flattering angle.
Buster takes the camera and accidentally takes another picture.
Buster: Ah! What kind of sorcery is this?     
D.W.’s frisbee hits the book that Ladonna is reading, turning a page.
Ladonna: Oh! Look! "Instant camera." D.W., you did it!
D.W.: I did?     
Buster picks up the book.
Buster: "This type of camera uses self-developing film." This book is like Wikipedia, but you don't need the internet! I can do my school report on this camera!     
Muffy looks at the photo she took of Arthur and Buster. 
Muffy: Now this one has good angles. And it already comes with its own cool retro filter.
Buster: Whoa! Mine's of the tree.     
The picture shows a young bird in front of the tree.      
Buster: Shouldn't that little bird be in the tree?
They all look at the photograph.
Kids: (gasps)
The kids search the yard for the bird.
Ladonna: Here it is! Aww!
Arthur: It must've fallen from its nest.    
They see the nest with the bird mother up in the tree.
Muffy: Oh, what should we do?
Buster: The internet would be really useful right about now.     
Arthur wants to pick up the bird.      
Buster: Wait, don't! Maybe we shouldn't touch it. Isn't that bad?
Ladonna: That's just a myth. I know what to do. I was watching a science video on baby birds. We need to return it to its nest.
Arthur: It's like ‘Best of the Nest’ IRL.
Ladonna: IRL?
Arthur: In real life!     
Buster is holding Pal, who wants to get at the bird.     
Arthur: Buster, hold on to Pal. Ladonna, you'll need to get on my shoulders. Muffy, you get the bird.
Muffy: Huh? I need to document this for my blog! It will get so many likes!
Arthur: D.W., you'll need to pick up the baby bird and carefully hand it to Ladonna. Everyone got it?
Kids: Got it!
D.W. picks up the bird. Ladonna climbs on Arthur’s shoulders while Muffy takes a picture. D.W. hands Ladonna the bird, but Ladonna finds that she cannot reach the next.
Ladonna: It's no good! I can't reach! We'll have to go to plan B.
Kids: There's a plan B?
Muffy takes a picture of D.W. holding the bird. Ladonna brings a small basket.
Muffy: Plan B is a strawberry basket?
Ladonna: To make a nest.
Arthur: Will that work?
Ladonna: Mother birds are very good about looking after their young. If we make a new nest and put it as high as we can, the mama will fly down to feed it.
The kids fill the basket with grass and leaves. Muffy takes a picture and notices that a display on the camera says “3”.
Muffy: I think this means I only have three photos left.
Arthur: You'll just have to be selective.
Muffy: Ah, limited photos! How barbaric.
Ladonna holds the basket with the bird.
Arthur: Ready?
Ladonna: Ready!
Arthur lifts Ladonna up and she places the basket on a lower branch. The kids look expectantly and see the bird mother fly down to her chick.
Kids: Yeah!
Arthur: We did it! I win! Uh... I mean, we win.
Buster: And the best part is that we did it without the internet. So “they” will never know.
~~~
Ladonna turns on the radio and D.W. and Pal dance. Muffy looks at her photographs while Buster reads in the encyclopedia and Arthur relaxes.
Arthur: There's a good chance aliens wrote this book.
Buster: (gasps)     
Muffy looks at a selfie of her and the others in front of the tree with the birds.
Muffy: This will be the perfect profile pic.   
She photographs the polaroid with her cellphone.
Muffy: #No filter needed.
Mr. Read (from inside): Hey, kids! The internet's back on.
Arthur: It feels like forever ago that we lost the internet.
Ladonna: How long has it been?
Muffy: It's 1:11.
Buster: It was 1:00 when it went out. That means...
Arthur: The internet was only out for 11 minutes? I don't know about you guys, but I wasn't worried.
Kids: (laugh) Yeah, right.
Category:Transcripts
Category:Season 22-25 transcripts