Jay The Killer: The Catchy Catchphrase

Hi! I came back once more to talk to you guys! It’s me, Jay Whatever, but you may know it already! I told you all about my origin story and my triumphant return before, now it’s time to tackle another important subject! And by that I mean my catchphrase! Every creepy serial killer needs a good catchphrase! (Some people may say I’m not actually a serial killer because I only murdered two people and failed pathetically at killing the rest! They’re wrong! Obviously!) My lack of a catchphrase must be directly related to my failure to scare people! So as soon as I escaped Anyplace Mental Hospital, I prioritized finding my own catchphrase! (Who cares how I escaped? It’s just a little plot hole for you guys to spot!) Now, you must have heard of some boy named Jeff whose catchphrase was “Go to sleep”! (At least I think so!) First off, I’m not a obvious ripoff of him, and second, I’m aware most amateur murderers base their catchphrases on his! So there’s a lot of “Go take a nap” and “Go rest a little” and so on! Since I’m a completely original and not at all derivative character, I didn’t want to do that! So I started brainstorming, while alone at Anyplace Forest, that I never mentioned before and just inserted at my story out of nowhere! I was out of inspiration! It needed to be scary, intimidating, iconic and badass! (You know, because I’m all this things, not just a psychotic dweeb!) I tried channeling my anger into creativity, but thinking of how much I hated my sister Ginny’s farts and my bullies and people disrespecting me was not helping me to think! Suddenly I felt like killing something, because I’m mad, so I tried to stone a dumb squirrel! Turns out my aim is not that good and I missed! Then a idea suddenly came to me! “I will stone you like a squirrel” was a good catchphrase, right? But it wasn’t good enough, so I tried channeling my anger again! I remembered how much Ginny’s farts really bugged me! “Never again you will fart”! It was very good, but I heard somewhere dead people can fart sometimes, so it still needed work! “Never again you will fart while alive”! PERFECT! With this intimidating and not at all laughable catchphrase, I was ready for another killing spree! Since I was still alone at the woods, I decided to go after animals this time! (No, I wasn’t planning on poaching! I was planning on murdering woodland creatures! Learn the distinction!) I noticed a bear sleeping peacefully somewhere close, and readied a knife! (One I just had in my possession with no explanation, because who cares?) I furtively approached the beast, but before I could attack, the sun glint reflected on the blade and woke up the bear! I had no time to react before the bear pounced with the intention to maul me! (Bears do pounce on prey, right? If they don’t, maybe it was a tiger! Who cares?) The bear/tiger would’ve killed me, but luckily the stars aligned in a supernatural way and I gained superpowers! (What makes sense, right? I’m sure it makes sense!) I escaped the bear with my superpowers, then suddenly lost them! (If you remember, I had gained and lost superpowers before, on my first story! Not that my stories are repetitive or anything like that!) Then the police came out of nowhere to arrest me, but I wasn’t afraid! I looked into the eyes of Officer Calvin Hobbes and said my catchphrase in a cold and sinister way! “Never again you will fart while alive”! Shockingly, it didn’t have the intended effect! Instead of being unnerved and scared, he seemed confused, slightly amused even! But I’m sure he’s a exception! My new catchphrase will soon instill fear in several hearts, because I intend to escape Anyplace Mental Hospital and kill once more! Never again you will fart while alive! HAHAHA!
THE END?
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Blatant Ripoffs
Category:Potty Humor
Category:Satire
Category:Animulz
Category:MARY SUE ALERT
Category:English Class Failure
Category:Wall of Text
Category:Stupid is as the main character does
Category:Well, that was anticlimactic.
Category:Overused Running Gag