Skin a Cat (episode)

A dire Klingon attack is further complicated by poor word choice.
== Summary ==
The is under attack by a fleet of Klingon battle cruisers. On the bridge, the captain receives the damage report from Spock, telling him that their weapons are disabled and their shields are down. The captain then tells him that he knows a way out. Spock asks him how, since their warp drive and impulse drive were also down, making an escape impossible.
The captain tells him with confidence that "there's more than one way to skin a cat." Lieutenant M'Ress finds this idiom offensive and tells the captain that perhaps he might not feel so great about her saying something similar about Humans. The computer voice then alerts the crew that the hull integrity is at fifty percent. The captain tells M'Ress there's no time to argue, because they have "bigger fish to fry."
This, in turn, offends an Antedian lieutenant. He then asked the captain if he really wants to fry him. The captain tries to calm him down, and tells him not to get his "knickers in a twist." This also backfires on him, as this comment is offensive to a female Knickersonian who tells him her species is a proud race who have served the Federation with honor. He apologizes to her, but she still threatens to report him to HR.
Spock then suggests that he refrain from using figures of speech until they reach safety. The captain then decides to give a to the bridge crew that he's fairly certain will not be offensive to any non-Human crewmembers. Unfortunately he offended an anthropomorphic ass face and screwhead after saying "I'm a dumbass, I screwed up."
He then immediately admits that he had never seen the two before, and he asks them what their job is. They tell the captain that their job is to take care of the water pressure. The captain finds it strange that they would operate that from a desk on the bridge, since he assumed such a job would be on a lower deck. Just as he said that, a leak is sprung and water spews out of the console station. Screwhead then says "You were saying?"
Spock then tells the captain that the hull is breached and that one more blast will destroy the ship. The captain then asks what he'd like him to do about it, since every time he is about to give an order, someone gets offended... almost as if they were just conjured up out of thin air for the sole purpose of being offended. Just then, the captain gets an idea. He says "There's more than one way to decapitate a Human woman who knows how to get us out of this situation, and also, this Human woman... she loves me." He then continues talking about this woman, only to find that there has been just such a woman like that on the bridge all along, his "Dream Woman," if you will. And just as she's about to tell him what they should do to escape, she's interrupted by the captain, who asks her to marry him. She doesn't have enough time to tell him anything, and the ship explodes.
== Background information ==
=== Production timeline ===
* : Title revealed on StarTrek.com. 
* : Premieres on StarTrek.com and the Star Trek YouTube channel.
=== Continuity ===
* This episode is presented as part of the timeline, as part of the 's 50th anniversary celebration of that series.
** Ethan Peck reprises his role as Spock, however the character appears as he did when the role was voiced by Leonard Nimoy.
* The captain in this continuity was not named, but did sound and share many mannerisms of James T. Kirk.
* It is implied that in this scenario, ships – or at least the Enterprise – have a Ten Forward, much like the later .
== Links and references ==
=== Voice actors ===
* Ethan Peck as Spock
* Pete Holmes as Captain
* Cristina Milizia as
** M'Ress
** Dream Woman
** Knickersonian
* Bonnie Gordon as Computer
* Eric Bauza as
** Antedian
** Ass Face
** Screwhead
=== Background characters ===
* Arex
* Montgomery Scott
=== References ===
Antedian; Australia; bridge; Caitian; captain; cat; chicken fingers; claw; commander; conjuring; ; (unnamed); decapitation; disembowelment; Edosian; ensign; ; ether; Federation; figure of speech; game show; Human; hybrid; impulse drive; Knickersonian; lieutenant; mac and cheese; metal; peace treaties; pioneers; ; shields; skinning; ; synonymous; Ten Forward; Vulcan; warp drive; water pressure; weapons systems
=== External link ===
* Watch