Realpolitik For Dummies

Realpolitik For Dummies is the first of a series of instructional publications designed to assist newcomers in learning about various subjects. Later publishers went to great lengths to ensure that readers did not feel they were being treated as real dummies. However, this volume’s primary author — Otto von Bismarck — truly did believe other people were sub-intelligent.
First printed in 1872, REALPOLITIK FOR DUMMIES followed a decade of Bismarck’s supposed success as Minister-President of Prussia and appointment to the new position of Chancellor of Germany. The text drew heavily upon the author’s experience in several accidental wars defeating and taking land from neighboring states; the unexpected unification of Germany and establishment of the Empire; Bismarck’s trapeze-artist machinations to remain in power when mistrusted by and unpopular with the House of Deputies; and his ill-conceived political partnership with Albrecht von Roon and Helmuth von Moltke as the leading figures unifying Germany under Prussian leadership through the 1860s.
== Content ==
Sticking with the central concept that "Politics is the Art of the Possible", Bismarck covers a range of real-world situations as examples in achieving practical ends. REALPOLITIK advocates no ideological theme, but rather demonstrates the means by which to gain and preserve power.
Selected Excerpts
"Lumbering giants exist in all places; in your world, such a person--who could crush, but is instead rather in the mood of shoving a nice roast duck into his mouth for lunch without stopping to wipe his fingers--can be found and dealt with. So the secret of politics? Make a good treaty with Russia. After that, you can laugh anything off."
"Not by speeches and majority votes are the great questions of the day decided...but by blood and iron...which is in blood. Hmmm."
"Be not afraid of your neighbor; feel not that they are your better. I have seen three emperors in their nakedness, and the sight was not inspiring."
== 1943 'Third Reich' Edition Update == 
Faced with a morale-damaging crisis in the failure of the winter Battle of Stalingrad, NAZI Propaganda Minister Dr. Josef Goebbels commissioned a new edition to instruct younger readers. This 'Third Reich' edition added two additional chapters (with Teutonic efficiency, numbered in sequential order; eleven and twelve), as well as a Hitler Youth section featuring modified forms of popular stories. These included:
“Ze mole had been verking very hard all ze morning! Zis is because Obergruppenführer Schaltz would be arriving to inspect ze gas chambers at 1630 zat afternoon!...”
and
"There vus vuns unt velveteen rabbit! Unt in ze beginning he vus really splendid! He vus trim unt well-musculed, as a rabbit should be! His coat vus schpotted black unt gold! He had real thread viskers! Unt his ears vere lined with red zateen! On Krismaz morning, ven he zat vedged in ze top of ze Boy's ztocking, vith a National Socialist armband betveen his paws, ze effect vus charming!"
These chapters were removed after 1945.
== 125th Anniversary Edition Audiobook ==
In 1997, for the 125th Anniversary Edition, REALPOLITIK FOR DUMMIES was developed for release as an audiobook. Bismarck’s text would be read by Jurgen Prochnow. However, as described in a Newsweek article, the publishers were unanimously disappointed at the first hearing. 
Known for his dramatic ability to energize otherwise dull songs with snappy interjections, rapper Lil John is credited for making REALPOLITIK FOR DUMMIES accessible to an eighth generation of scholars. His rough voice complimented Prochnow’s charging delivery throughout the recording. Part of the audiobook transcript follows:
 Jurgen Prochnow (JP):	To create fear in the HEARTS of your neighbors, you must cultivate the
 impression of EFFICIENCY and RUTHLESSNESS in the spirit of your armed forces!
 Lil John (LJ):	HEEYY! Jur-PROW!
 JP:	What? This is Otto von Bismarck!
 LJ:	O.B.?! O.B. makin’ me think ’a Obie Trice.
 JP:	[pause] It is necessary to churn out a constant river of STATISTICS, 
 REPORTS and DELIVERABLES for publication, so that your neighbors are exceedingly aware of the
 capabilities and prowess of your army! Once over-awed by this methodology, your weakest 
 neighbor can be easily forced to capitulate some property of IMPORTANCE. When the others 
 witness the swiftness of their fellow’s defeat, they too will wish to bring to a rapid and 
 bloodless conclusion any issue you place on the table! And should fighting be necessary, the 
 minds of their soldiers will already be panicked by the atmosphere of UBER-UNBEATABLENESS 
 that surrounds your battalions.
 LJ: LADIES!
 JP: Huh?
 LJ: LADIES! Can ya feeeeel it for yer man? Out there on the battlefield? Scared and 
 ready to die even before a cap’s blasted?!
 JP: What the hell are you talking about?!
 LJ: C’MON MAN, GIVE IT UP FOR O.B. IN DA HOUSE! UUHNNH!
 JP: I DON’T THINK THIS IS WHAT BISMARCK HAD IN MIND WHEN HE WROTE THIS!
The audiobook was an astonishing commercial success, selling more than seven million copies.
Category:Books
Category:Politics
Category:German culture
Category:...For Dummies
Category:International relations