The Barones Go to Hell (Everybody Loves Raymond Lost Episode)

Have you ever watched that show Everybody Loves Raymond? It was a sitcom based on the comedian Ray Romano that featured Ray as Raymond Barone, Patricia Heaton as his wife, some old woman as his mother and some other guy as his brother along with some old guy as his father. Well what if I told you I once saw an episode of this show that they never aired? A "lost episode" if you will.
I got into one of Ray Romano's standup performances at the front row. I had heard about the lost episode of Everybody Loves Raymond before and thought I could get Ray Romano himself to confirm it because every other mentioning of it were just rumors.
After the show I tailed Ray to his car. "Hey," I greeted him.
"Hey, who're you?" he asked. "One of those paparazzi or something?"
"Actually, no ..." I didn't know why he'd assume I was a paparazzo because I didn't even have a camera or anything. "I've been hearing a bit about a lost episode of your old show Everybody Loves Raymond and I thought maybe you could tell me whether or not it's actually tr-"
"Alright, listen up, stranger," his tone went from normal to stern. "Everybody's been asking me about this lost episode. I've been telling them it isn't true for years and still they persist. You want to know the truth? Of course there was a lost episode of Everybody Loves Raymond. Every show there ever was had at least one lost episode!"
"Would you be willing to tell me more about it?" I asked.
Ray sighed, "Look ..." He reached into his coat and pulled out a disk. "Here's the episode you're looking for. Just promise me that instead of posting it all over the internet you just destroy the damn thing after you watch it? I don't really wanna hold onto this thing anymore, it freaks everyone out and it's giving me nightmares, and besides, I'm always worrying that he might come back for it ..."
I took the disk and put it in my bag. "Wait, who's 'he'?"
"He ..." Ray said while he got in his car and started it, "is your problem now." He drove away before I could get any answers out of him. That motherfucker.
I went home and ate some ramen before deciding to watch the episode. After that I went to my computer and put the disk in. The screen went black and there was some white text in the corner typed in comic sans that read, "This episode will be deleted from your computer after viewing." Well fuck, I was hoping to post it everywhere on the internet. That screen was there for about ten seconds until it went to the actual episode.
It started with Ray standing in his living room talking to a character who wasn't on the screen. "I didn't know this would happen."
A deep raspy demon-sounding voice replied, "Of course you knew. This is your punishment, Raymond ..."
"No, please!" he pleaded.
"I will be back to finsih what you have started later. First I must prepare the meal." What was this meal he was talking about?
Ray's eyes began to turn red and then suddenly his whole family started swarming around him, sitting on the couch with him, but it didn't look right. Everybody's eyes were either upside-down, black or red, and about three of them had upside-down mouths also. It was like they were all staring right at me. It was like this for ten minutes.
Then the off-screen character came back and went on screen to address the crowd of characters on the couch. This character was apparently Ray Romano with inverted colors. He spoke in his demon voice, "The meal is ready. Everybody to the kitchen please."
They all walked to the kitchen where they found everybody's eyes on plates. So they weren't all just red and black afterall but they were removed and replaced. All except Robert's. They all sat down and started eating the eyes while crying hyper-realistic blood. This went on for another ten minutes.
Suddenly the off-screen character spoke, "You knew this would happen, Ray ..."
Everyone started shouting at Raymond, "This is all your fault! May EVIL PATRIXXX have mercy on your soul, Raymond!" They all surrounded Ray while he screamed so loud that my ears started to bleed. The screen blacked out while sounds of them beating him to death played. After that the signature Everybody Loves Raymond end music played and the window closed itself and the episode suddenly disappeared off my computer.
Suddenly a Windows Media Player file opened up with footage of the inverted Raymond with red eyes talking to me, "Your soul belongs to me now! Hahahahahahahaha! Now you will be tortured for an eternity listening to me sing showtunes to you whenever you turn on your computer!"
I tried reinstalling the disk but the inverted Raymond told me, "You can't do that!" I tried deleting his file but every time I tried moving it to the recycle bin it kept giving me an error saying "YOU CAN'T DELETE RAYMOND! EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND!"
I can't live with inverted Raymond singing showtunes to me eternally. Killing myself, brb.
Alright, so I killed myself and it's much better now. I went and dropped off the disk at the local Goodwill to see if anyone else might enjoy it, like you!
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Lost Episodes
Category:YOU'RE NEXT
Category:Hyper-realistic
Category:Suicide
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck