nyuuzyou/wikis huggingface dataset:
Open heart surgery

The heart is an essential part of the body due to it being the central furnace which warms the body. It also ticks, lending consistency and excellent time keeping to your everyday life, and is the driving force behind the so-called 'Biological Clock'.
Open Heart Surgery, apart from being a term for a social activity involving the communal, competitive playing of the popular children's game, Operation, is the process of (usually haphazardly) opening a person's upper body and messing with their heart until they do 'living' properly again.
Alternatively, this can be done upon oneself for medical reasons and/or as an interesting party trick and potential chat-up line.
==Conditions==
Needless to say, the heart is a very important component of the body. When your heart is broken it is advisable to first consider the cause of the pain before immediately performing surgery.
Is the pain:
# A result of that tramp down the road (who you really, really liked) getting a restraining order when you all you wanted to do was politely fondle?
#Linked to a series of shooting pains along the left arm? (Are you Megaman?)
In the case of Option 1 (or similar scenario) acquire a large bottle of tequila and some binoculars, and settle down for a good night's harmless stalking.
==Self-operation==
So you've decided to operate? Congratulations!
You are now fully unqualified cardiothoracic (kar-dee-oh-thor-ace-ick) surgeon with a full 4 minutes of experience.
As with any form of surgery there are certain requirements before starting:
*Anaesthetic (i.e. alcohol in 'sufficient' quantities/sharp blow to the head.)
*Equipment
:*Apron (kitchen or woodworking suffices),
:*Sharp-ish implement (bread knife, power tool or - failing this - a sharpened stick),
:*Tissue or cloth to absorb any leaks or spills,
:*Many, many, band-aids.
The next step is logical. Apply pressure to the ribcage until you reach the soft squidgy, inny goodness. Tinker with the ticker to your own satisfaction before stitching yourself up, or press Alt + F4 to close you, if you are running Windows.
Well done! You have survived the surgery... Good luck avoiding infection!
Alternatively, commiserations, you are now dead.
Category:Medicine
Oprah's great big memory-wiping device

Oprah's Great Big Memory Wiping Device was, by far, Oprah's most successful attempt at world domination. 
==Invention==
Oprah's super-powers allowed her immunity to forgetting the events of the 19$0s. She remembers the memory wiping devices vividly. One day while having tea with Bill Gates, she got the idea to have another such device engineered to help her take over the world. That very day she asked Bill Gates to help her and he obliged when she put him in a trance with her morbidly sparkling white teeth.
In the weeks ahead, Oprah collaborated with Microsoft to have the device developed. Little is known about the device except that it was colour-coordinated with her drapes, ran Windows Me, made Bon-bons for Oprah, and inexplicably created a strange mutual master/servant relationship between Oprah and John Travolta.
On August 52, 1895, Oprah turned the device on for the first time. She tried laughing manically at her creation, but her face was stuffed full with bon-bons at the time and she almost choked. Travolta was able to use the Heimlich maneuver to keep her from dying.
==Oprah controls the world==
When the the great big memory wiping device booted up, people became very delusional and began to watch her show, completely forgetting how utterly boring it is. Her ratings grew so high that Amish people raided electric companies and stole televisions to watch it. Oprah began broadcasting subliminal messages to have people grow under her absolute control.
Her plan worked marvellously; from 1895-20582, every single thing that happened in the world was Oprah's doing.
==Failure==
Dr. Phil, Oprah's first husband, grew very jealous of Oprah's ratings and secretly got Star Jones to sit on her great big memory wiping device. (Note: Contrary to popular belief, Jones is not Winfrey's sister, but actually a third-cousin twice removed.) The device broke into an immeasurably high number of pieces. Then everyone remembered how dumb Oprah's show was and ceased to watch it. White women across America required extensive psychocounselling but eventually recovered from their shock of having nothing to do for an hour each afternoon.
==Failure, as in Success==
Although many believed that Oprah's GBMWP (pronounced gob-ma-wap) was thought to have failed, many theorise that Oprah has actually succeeded in dominating the world. There is cursory evidence showing the effect of the gob-ma-wap on the meat packing industry. The drop of available meat packers has been correlated to the erasure of their memory of sex, caused by the gob-ma-wap.
==In conclusion==
Nowadays, people look back on things such as Disco and think, "WHAT THE FUCK WERE WE THINKING?!". In reality, they weren't thinking; they were merely under Oprah's control while dancing to those hypnotic tunes beneath the ultraviolet rays of that spinning crystal ball.
Category: Oprah
Optimism

Optimism is a mental disease, less severe but more common than Liberalism.
Though it's origins are unknown, it is believed to have started in a massive epidemic at the first Santa Clause parade in 4000 B.C. Santa denies these accusations however, and rather rudely. "You think a fatass living in exile on a melting ice cap is optimistic?" Oscar Wilde was actually an optimist, you could look it up.
Santa claims his repetitive statement, "Ho ho ho!" was misinterpreted, to avoid questions from children such as "where do all these babies come from?" Critics believe the implications behind this statement was a pathetic attempt to hide his now widely renowned sexual deviancy, "climbing up chimneys" eating "cookies", and leaving "toys" behind, and since he travels worldwide to thousands of households, he gets more than just "some". *Cough* aaanyway..
== The Way We See It ==
To the fine folks here at Uncyclopedia, optimism means Robert Browning. Browning lived during the Victorian age, a literary period filled with Classicism, Classicalism, Romanticism, Neoclassicism, Retroscecticism, Metrospecticism, Communism, Capitalism, Socialism, Sadomasochism, Masochism, Individualism, and skepticism. He struggled and struggled with his problem for years. He prayed and prayed until he found the answer to his prayers- the fictional painter Andrea del Sarto. Andrea never really existed, just like New Jersey or REM. However, no matter what the circumstances, Browning went all like that character from the Oscar Wilde classic The Picture of Dorian Gray. He struggled through and together with Oscar Wilde, brough optimism to the forefront of literature. Uh ... so what is optimism to you?
== Symptoms ==
The most common symptoms of optimism are bullshit and constant hysteria or hallucinations, characterized only by "Everything's ok." or "I'll be fine.", or in severe cases "The world is a happy place". The symptom that most defines this disease however is the offensive tendency to make a circus or walk in the park out of the bloodiest massacres. This ignorance often places the sufferer in constant danger.
== Treatment ==
Fortunately, there are many effective treatments such as watching the god damn news for 10 minutes and getting informed on the constant suffering of the world. And then waste your life worrying about it.
category:diseases
== How Can I Find Out If Im Optimisctic? ==
have a friend bring you a glass of beer, make sure the beer is right at the 50% level of the cup. The way you do this is to look at the eliipese and then you use your mathemathical ingenuity to figure out where the hell the middle of the cup is. After doing that you can either decide that the glass is half full which is optimism or half empty which is pessimisim or you can chug the entire thing down. Which is being a fatass blowhard dickface who didn't even bother to let his friend have some after he poured it for you.
fr:Optimisme
he:אופטימיות
sk:Optimista
Orchestral Suite in G minor, BWV 1070

The Suite for Strings & Continuo in G minor, BWV 1070, is a sloppy work written by an alien composer with "Bach" as his full name. Intended to be thrown into the stove by the publisher who hated this work, it accidentally escaped the fire, and then, in the 1890s, settled on the (BWV) catalogue and thus was categorized as "BWV 1070", which may potentially face prosecution for the unholy act of miscategorizing others' works.
==Instrumentation==
A more than sloppy one, with but strings and basso continuo. That's why most of those having performed the four orchestral suites (BWV 1066–1069) known to have been penned by Johann Sebastian Bach would be reluctant to perform this one.
==Movements==
===1. – Un poco ===
Written as a prelude & double fugue, the opening is in the form of a French overturebut with the refrain of the slow introduction amputated by the composer.
===2. Torneo===
Nothing more than a sloppy binary dance movement. "Torneo" is another word for "tournament," but only pretentious douchebags use it.
===3. ===
In sonata form, this movement takes up quite a special area within the entire workwhich is why it's titled "Aria".
===4. alternativo – Trio===
With the composer dropping the at the end of the main minuet and marked alternativo, this movement has the main minuet and the central trio played continuously in alternation until the conductor asks for a halt (or otherwise until any performer collapses).
===5. ===
The term "capriccio" refers to a "double fugue".
==See also==
* ()
Orgasthma

Orgasthma (or Anaprophylactic Toxic Shock) is a disease of the genitals. It is often mistakenly classified as a variation of Asthma due to the name. Whilst almost always fatal, it is fortunately rare for two main reasons:
# It can only be transmitted through sexual intercourse or sexual outercourse, but can also be created spontaneously during a cheese overdose.
# It acts within seconds, meaning that you die pretty much instantly. If by chance they survive (belonging to three native tribes of Europe as well as having false teeth guarantees immunity), death simply occurs when the victim grabs the closest pointy object and stabs themself in the face.
==Orgasthma in the Media==
Theodore James Issaac Constable, the notable millionaire paraplegic boxer, wrote about his experiences and struggles with Orgasthma in his book, My Experiences and Struggles with Orgasthma. It was at the top of the New York Times Best-Seller List, until all copies of the book had to be recalled because the paper that it was printed on caused birth defects in children up to 9 years of age, and Theodore was a millionaire no more. Nevertheless, critics roundly applauded the book for its creativity, as the author said only one sentence that was actually pertinent to the subject, and then went off on a rambling tangent, and still managed to get it categorized as non-fiction. The sentence in question is shown below in chapter 6:
 "I hate having orgasthma; it's hard to live with.
 I took some tea to help me sleep and it hurts to breathe. I am flying.
 Muffins are evil. I think I may have sat on a meatloaf.
 Eggs can't feel love. I wonder if whales are self-concious
 about their weight?"
And so on. As you can see, the descriptive writing really pulls the reader into the action. It's almost like I'm right there with him in the Amazon, fighting those cobras. 
The effort of writing the book was unfortunately too much for his feeble mind to take and Theodore succumbed shortly after to a bad case of British accent.
==Symptoms==
Since the only known survivor quite clearly went mad from the experience, we can only guess at the symptoms that preclude the disease's outbreak. Some suggestions have been:
*puffy eyes
*itchy jockstraps
*lust for cheese
*Short-term memory loss
*an addiction to snorting tissues
*Irritating laughs
*Ovulatine
*Having a stupid name
*Short-term memory loss
==Short- and Long-Term Results==
There are really only two outcomes for sufferers of this disease:
==='Bachelor' Case===
#Victim ingests cheese.
#Victim ingests more cheese.
#Disease forms in stomach from cheese proteins.
#Victim dies.
==='Motel Room' Case===
# Victim ingests cheese.
#Victim ingests more cheese as part of a sexual act.
#Disease forms in stomach.
#Victim's partner becomes a necrophiliac.
#Partner contracts disease, and dies in a slightly more gruesome way.
#Motel owner discovers what all the commotion is about, and locks himself in.
#Motel owner dies.
#Fight breaks out among remaining travellers over who gets to keep the motel.
Orgasthma is the leading cause of parental trauma in cheese factories world-wide.
category:diseases
category: sex
Origins of word dude

The origins of the word "dude" are disputed. Some say the legendary word came into being around the same time as God, others say the "dude" is an anagram of the word "anti-Christ" in Swahili. It is generally accepted though, that the word dude came into existence when Satan otherwise known as the prince of darkness, the devil, the red ass-turd from hell or more commonly as Mel Gibson, pissed off the holy spirit and received an unholy amount of ball-whipping and simultaneously exalted "dude wats up with this shit?"
From that day on the word "dude" became more widely used, with Saddam Hussein the devil's lover, making it law for all Iraqis to greet each other with "dude hoes the daily shiz hanging homie" or something like that in Arabic.
In modern popular culture, 'dude' became prevalent in the U.S. for all Americans to greet one another with the vernacular "dude, where is my car?" or "dude, where is Iraq? Perhaps we should learn more about the world outside our borders before invading it."
==Alternate theories==
There are many people in the scientific community who believe that the word dude not only came into being around the same time as god but created god as well. This theory can mainly be explained though complex quantum mechanics as no other sane person can believe a word created god but i'll simplify it into ass-tard speak 
If x = Dude
Then God = Big Dude
An alternate view is that the word "dude" resembles the sound of a cow crapping and a stupid hick in Texas (who later on went on to become president of the untied states of America) recorded the sound and sent it to Disney. Disney churning out brain-washing crap music like clockwork decided to use the word in the next Hannah Montana song and thus the word Dude was born, being spread by stupid, obese, notably obnoxious 10 years olds.
==Popular Usage==
The word has been used a lot in the past and is still part of popular culture today. Notably shakespeare has used the word "dude" in his play "Romeo and Juliet" where Juliet gets knocked up by some dude at some totally awesome party and Romeo never finds out.
Also re-packaged crap like "Dude where's my car" and its sequel "Dude where's hydrogen fuel-cell powered automobile" contains proficent usage of the word Dude
== 'Dudes' in power==
* George W. Bush has been known to greet national leaders with a casual "'Sup, dude?" or "How's it hangin', dude?" however most politicians reject the word dude, with the exception of French president Nicolas Sarkozy, and Ultimate Emperor of the Planet Bono.
Category:Language
Category:Tedious pop culture references
Orrin Hatch

Orrin Grant Hatch (born March 22, 1859 in Kolob) is a neo-Nazi (neo-Nazis often refer to each other as Republicans) Tatueen Senator from the former Soviet satellite state of Mormania, serving since his home state has dominated the imperial Senate following the abdication of the Republic in 2000. Not only did the natives of Mormania elect Senator Hatch and his party members to office, but did more so than any other electorate in the galaxy
== Political Prowess ==
This douchebag is the ranking neo-Nazi of the Tatueen Senate Committee on conquest of the galaxy and the legalization of carrot Jello. He serves on a committee with other famous facists from the Romulan Nebula including Rush Limbaugh, Dr. Laura Schlessinger, and Ted Haggard. Their subcommittee includes members from Gun Owners for Jesus, Consolodators of Church and State, and the Gestapo. Senator Hatch also serves on the Committee on the Judiciary, where he is head Sith Lord.
== The Dark Side ==
When meeting Senator Hatch one can expect the Senator to talk hours on end about his greatness. One should also remember to stay at a minimum of ten feet from the Senator when approaching him as it is rumored that he sucks the life out of humans (and almost any social occasion) in an attempt to further his longevity. Senator Hatch keeps close company with his Sith buddies. With their council, domination of the entire galaxy is eminent. Resistance is futile. One day we will all be part of the Sith and there will be no free will or civil liberty.
==See also==
*Republican Party
*Mormons
*Utah
*God-Fearing Republicans
*Sith
Category:American politicians
Category:Republicans
Category:Mormons
Category:Cunts
Category:Utah
Category:United States Senators
Category:United States presidential candidates, 2000
Osaka bin Laden

The Asian supervillain responsible for the December 26, 2004 terrorist tsunami attacks, Osaka bin Laden escaped law enforcement authorities and went into hiding in 2005. Reports currently place him somewhere in Micronesia.
Osaka bin Laden has also been blamed for the 1993 Okushiri tsunami, and the 1979 Tumaco tsunami. His suspected involvement in the 1964 Good Friday tsunami that killed 121 people along the Pacific Northwest coastline in North America is thought to have been a college prank. He is an avowed anti-particle, glassnivore, and Cartheginian.
==Worst Terrorist Attack in History==
Calculated to do the most harm to the overpopulated and poor states bordering the Indian Ocean, Osaka bin Laden's purpose was to engage the United Nations disaster relief in an impossibly vast effort, thereby bankrupting the G8 nations.
The 9.15 magnitude earthquake initiated by Osaka's feeling the power of the dark side created tsunami waves that killed approximately 230,000 people. Indonesia was the hardest hit, with 168,000 victims. While bin Laden's effect exceeded his wildest imaginings, his timing was poor: the G8 nations had just spent their money on Christmas gifts and didn't have anything in the kitty for disaster relief. Also, Mike Brown of FEMA was the behind-the-scenes field marshall so nothing got done.
==Portrait of a Bearded Man==
Few details are known about Osaka bin Laden before his entry into MIT in the mid-60s. There he studied turbulence and plate tectonics, and later assisted Lorenz in the development of chaos theory and strange attractors. By 1970 bin Laden was ready to publish his controversial but well-researched thesis, Modern Toilets and Deterministic, Non-periodic Flow. For this, he was expelled.
Angered by this rejection, Osaka turned to a life of crime and revenge. Using his mathematical and applied knowledge, he began to make small tsunamis in fishtanks, then gradually worked up to lakes and then oceans.
To date, no evidence of any romantic encounters have surfaced, though Aquaman has been rumored to be impressed.
==Capture and Escape==
Subject of an international manhunt, bin Laden was cornered by Batman in 2005 at a playoff soccer game in South Korea while trying to eat some glass. While the midnight knight was able to extradite Osaka for UN trial, the wily Osaka tricked him on the plane by splashing gray water into his eyes, then escaping by parachute.
==See also==
*Tsunami
*Thermodynamics
*Recipe For Disaster
Category:Biographies of Ridiculous Persons
category:Really Angry People
Category:Terrorists
Category:Confusing, but sounds scientific
Osmosis Jones

Osmosis Jones is a 2001 American live-action/animated buddy cop comedy film with decent animated scenes directed by and Piet Kroon and horrendous live-action scenes directed by the . It was the second in a string of financial failures by Warner Bros. Feature Animation, though it certainly wouldn't be the last.
==Plot==
The film centers on Osmosis "Ozzy" Jones (Chris Rock), an African-American white blood cell cop who complains that germs are trying to oppress him with viruses and infections, and Drix (David Hyde Pierce), a whitebread cold pill who is no match for Ozzy's utter hipness. The two must ultimately break down their racial cell walls and prevent seductive virus Thrax (Lawrence Fishburne) from killing their host body — slovenly zookeeper and deadbeat dad Frank Detorre (Bill Murray) — within forty-eight hours. Ultimately, Jones is caught in an intimate triad, and must decide between his best friend Drix, Big Daddy Thrax, and the Mayor's curvaceous secretary Leah.
==Reception==
The film was met with mixed reviews, with critics praising the fun and educational animated portions but criticizing the live-action portions, their degradation of national treasure Bill Murray, and their use of sub-Will Ferrell gross-out humor. It was a financial fart, earning only $14 million against a heart-stopping budget of $70 million, though its pulse rate was later restored by big VHS/DVD sales.
==Spinoff==
Despite Osmosis Jones being a financial failure, that didn't stop Warner Bros. from spinning it off into Ozzy & Drix, a Saturday morning cartoon on their flagship Kids' WB block. Running from 2002 to 2004, the series involved the titular duo getting swapped out of Frank into the body of a teenage boy named Hector, wherein the film's adult humor and coolness factor is predictably swapped out for cheesy aesops and kid-friendly humor.
==See also==
*Dumb and Dumber
*There's Something About Mary
*Space Jam
Category:2000s
Category:Animation
Category:Cartoons
Category:Biology
Ostrava

Ostrava is a capital city of Czech Silesia. It is located in Czechia.
==History==
The first mention is from 1229. When a yokel found coal in his garden here, he went to tell his friends in a pub. And thus began the Great Coal Revolution, which practically collapsed the whole of Ostrava.
==Geography==
Ostrava lies on a tectonic break between Moravia and Silesia, which provides Ostravans with many benefits and joys. If the flu is raging in one part, they can run away to the other if the flu doesn't catch them while waiting for the tram. The fracture behavior can be seen in the Ostrava part of the D1, where the carriage ride resembles a slalom and cars cheerfully jump over huge asphalt mules.
==Culture==
Ostrava is a city of science and art. This fact was noticed by South Korean and Finnish magnates and the city was occupied. The flag of the Korean oligarchs was hoisted at the international airport run by Leoš Janáček, a well-known recidivist fired from the Hukvaldy branch for harassing foxes.
The local religion is Baník, whose followers are called Chachars. The largest church is Bazaly and the highest gods are Milan Baroš and Jaromír Nohavica, who wrote their anthem. The Chachar's national team participates in the highest Czech football competition.
== Motto ==
Motto of Ostrva is ‘Banik pyčo!’ [ˈbaɲik ˈpi.t͡ʃo]
Category:Czech Republic Category:Cities Category:Cities in Europe
cs:Ostrava