Uncyclopedia vs Powershot, Flamewar of the Ages

Uncyclopedia vs Powershot, Flamewar of the Ages is the name of an epic mythological tale by the greek poet Homer, a literary masterpiece which was created soon after he wrote the Iliad and the Odyssey. This story is regarded by many art historians and critics to be one of the greatest and most important literary works in all of history, alongside his other two works as well as several works by Oscar Wilde and James Joyce. Strangely enough, this story was published many millennia after Homer's death: the 24th of November, 2006 AD to be exact. This was because the story was not excavated and translated until October of the same year.
This tale speaks about the great war between two opposing groups: the shining utopian land of Uncyclopedia and a group of foul invaders led by an angry zealot who went by the name of Powershot dude. This war lasted from the 12th day of November to the 24th day of November; the year was never specified, although historians believe that it took place after the Trojan War. These warring parties act as a metaphor of the eternal struggle between the forces of intelligence and ignorance. The Uncyclopedians were represented as the ones who carried forth the torch of knowledge, shining wisdom down upon all who saw its light. Powershot dude and his zealous minions were depictions of the ghouls of ignorance, who sought to destroy knowledge at all cost. The story is told in the first-person perspective of a person named Insineratos the Wise, who was the main witness to this event that historians have traced back to here. It is theorized that Homer conducted an interview with Insineratos to come up with this story, so the neutral point of view is in suspect, as is the case with all of greek mythology.
== Cast of characters ==
The story contains a vibrant cast of individuals, all of whom represent the human qualities of real life. They are arranged by order of appearance in the story.
*Insineratos the Wise
*Azazerus the Zealous
*Modius Operandus the Debater
*Savus Mooseseus the Speaker
*Spurdebosus the Foul-tongued
*Tompkius the All-Seer
*Cainonus the Courageous
*Uncyclonus the Watcher
*Codinios the Commander
*Zombironeus the Brave
*various IP ghouls spread throughout the tale
*Bensön the Great
*Hinoa the Justice-Bringer (formerly known as Hinoa the Fourth)
= Uncyclopedia vs Powershot, Flamewar of the Ages =
:by Homer
==Prologue==
Out of all my adventures in the vast country-lands of Uncyclopedia, none have been more amusing than my confrontation with a zealous imbecile who praised a petty little article known as Powershot. He was an anonymous coward who went by several different aliases, not unlike Anonymous Slashy, a zealous bigot with whom I've had an untold number of flamewars. I eventually won against Anonymous Slashy, and I thought that the encounter with the Powershot zealot would be just as easy. It turns out that the one who praised Powershot was more dense in the skull than Anonymous Slashy, and I quickly discovered that this would be a flamewar much more difficult than any I've ever had in the past.
==The Beginning of War==
This string of events all began on the 12th of November, 2006. I was browsing through Uncyclopedia's Village Dump in search of an interesting topic, when I found a most peculiar forum post entitled "What do you think about Powershot and the Shark Bite Corperation". Considering the blatant grammar and spelling errors, this had to be from an IP address. I have no respect for anonymous IPs, not after how Anonymous Slashy abused an untold number of proxies during the Great Aspie War of Ought Six. I proceeded to lash out at this IP using my extreme sarcasm, being the first to reply to his thread with:
“Considering I don't know you, I'll be honest and say that it sucks major ass.”
:~ Insineratos the Wise 
That was when a foolish little noob named Azazerus responded to me, by saying:
“Read it ass hole. You will change forever. Powershot Shark Bite”
:~ Azazerus the Zealous 
But I did not change. I was not about to show the smallest fragment of respect to someone whose article whoring stuck out like a sore thumb. If I was to whore my articles, I would use a more subtle approach. My friend Modius Operandus arrived on the scene supporting my position, saying:
“I too, don't know you, and Powershot & Shark Bite, aren't the best ever. You are, however, partly right; they were written. Also, don't go calling people ass hole, it makes you look like an asshole. Also, also, asshole, in common usage, is generally one word.”
:~ Modius Operandus the Debater 
Savus Mooseseus came and showed his detest for article whores, saying:
“Stop being such an article whore.”
:~ Savus Mooseseus the Speaker 
There then appeared a sockpuppet named Spurdebosus, who blindly praised Powershot. I knew he was a sockpuppet as only one person could love an article so blatantly stupid. I responded to his appeasement of the article writer:
“Art thou a sockpuppet?”
:~ Insineratos the Wise 
This then began a long string of bickering between me and Spurdebosus.
“Art thou a damn moron?”
:~ Spurdebosus the Foul-tongued 
“Actually, you're a moron for calling me a moron.”
:~ Insineratos the Wise 
“???? that doesn't make any sense you fucking moron.”
:~ Spurdebosus the Foul-tongued 
“It's called logic. And I really suggest you stop calling me a moron. You're making yourself look like an ass.”
:~ Insineratos the Wise 
Of course Spangros soon came to break up the argument before it had the opportunity to fill up the entire page.
Then there appeared a poll asking if Powershot would become the next Uncyclopedia in-joke. Many of the votes were negative.
“Unlikely.”
:~ Insineratos the Wise 
“No. He's just an ass.”
:~ Tompkius the All-Seer 
“No. The "raging egoist" joke has already been done. It's called Benson.”
:~ Cainonus the Courageous 
“No, we've got too much good stuff here to let it get buried by more crap. We've also got egos here already, myself included; one more is too many.”
:~ Modius Operandus the Debater 
“No. Can I huff it now?”
:~ Codinios the Commander 
“No, at least until one of my articles is featured. Yes that's right, I just invented my own way of saying "never".”
:~ Zombironeus the Brave 
==The Personal Attacks Start==
Then there appeared an anonymous IP, who was obviously frustrated over the negative comments that were being directed at his article. This was most obviously a sockpuppet of Azazer, as the tone of the comment was angry and childish. Upset over these events, he began to implement ad hominem, when he stated:
This statement would initiate the beginning of the end for Powershot, as the common man knows, whence you implement personal attacks in your arguments, your defeat is imminent. Keeping calm throughout, I responded with my extreme sarcasm:
“Why look! It's an open proxy designed solely for the use of ad hominem! Hello, open proxy! Are you enjoying doofusland?”
:~ Insineratos the Wise 
Another anonymous IP gave the following opinion on Cainonus, Codinios, Modius Operandus, Orion Blasterus, Uncyclonus, Savus Mooseseus, and myself:
Again, I responded with my extreme sarcasm:
“Actually, I make up only .00000000000029518% of the useless pieces of shit on planet earth. There are pieces of shit far worse than I.”
:~ Insineratos the Wise 
==Then Arrive the Death Threats==
A massive change of events occurred when the noble Uncyclopedian battle commander Codinios deleted both Powershot and Shark Bite, protecting both from recreation. This was the time when the Powershot zealot had finally snapped, and resorted to handing out death threats, the first of which being:
The IP was quickly banned thereafter. Of course, being the persistent little zealot he was, he continued to return with more open proxies, and his death threats becoming more and more desperate and harsh, two of which were directed at Uncyclonus and myself:
As the reader might expect, he was banned once again. Through the analysis of all the death threats he issued, I discovered that they were all incredibly hollow, as he never acted upon them. Why am I, or any of my brethren here at Uncyclopedia, not dead? It is because the death threats he declared were as empty as the vacuum of space. Fed up with the current situation, the Powershot zealot proceeded to take his flamewar to other forums. I wish not to bother the reader with the finer details, and leave them to read the following threads themselves:
*Forum:LET US DECLARE JIHAD AGAINST THE BENSON-HATING INFIDELS
*Forum:Hello BENSON
*Forum:LIST OF THINGS THAT ARE INFERIOR TO BENSON:
*Forum:I HAVE A SOLUTION TO OUR SPAM PROBLEM!
*Forum:BENSONSHOT IS BETTER THAN POWERSHOT
*Forum:THE AGE OF BENSON IS OVER. POWESHOT WILL SUCCEED WHERE HE HAS FAILED.
==The Final Message==
I then reached the point where I was not about to put up with this zealot's ignorance and thick-headedness any longer, and issued the following statement, in hopes to inject his small mind with superior logic:
The Final Message from Insineratos to Powershot dude
:"I can clearly see that you are dragging this "war" of yours farther out than what it should be. You keep strutting about and declaring how Powershot and Shark Bite will own us and how we must obey Powershot and Shark Bite. I can see that you cannot see past the dense, putrid fog that is your bloated ego. You have lost long ago. You lost when your articles on Powershot, Shark Bite, and related articles thereof, were deleted and protected from editing and recreation. It has already become apparent that you cannot accept that as such and continue to state in a childish tone over how much better your articles are to the rest of Uncyclopedia.
:First, let me go over a few things you have done in your crusade. The first big mistake you committed was whoring your articles. If you created your articles and left them be, they might have done well. However, considering you started to parade on the forum stating how your articles were the greatest things ever created, this only agitated the community, and we responded negatively to your antics. Next, you started to implement sockpuppets and proxies, to make it appear that Powershot was supported by a large number of people when, in reality, only one person likes it, that person being you. You then proceeded to use insults and perform ad hominem. I'm sorry, but petty insults get you nowhere in an argument. When you resort to using ad hominem, you've already lost the argument. Finally, in your desperate struggle, you resorted to death threats. When you resorted to handing out threats, you've lost all respect of those who might have given it to you, and you have forever lost the war you've started.
:While we're on the topics of threats, I have detected symbolism in your duel challenge to me, where "you will be equipped with a machine gun and I have a dove on my shoulder". First, let me say that this is by far the most childish threat I have ever seen. You threaten to do these sort of things to people, but you never act upon them, showing that your threats are vacuous and hollow. Now, about the symbolism. The machine gun you are toting represent your massive ignorance, and the dove on my shoulder represents intelligence and enlightenment. My intelligence makes me impervious to your barrage of ignorance that you keep firing. However, instead of coming to compromise like a normal human being, you continue firing until you will eventually run out of bullets. You will run out of bullets sometime, and I will still be standing when you do.
:I know you will come back with some sort of bullshit responding to this, but this is my final message. I am wasting my time attempting to compromise with you. I am tired of your antics, and so is everyone else here on Uncyclopedia. You merely waste space here on Uncyclopedia, and we shall not deal with you any further. Goodbye."
==The Fight To the Death==
It then became evident that the one behind Powershot would not listen to logic and intelligence, and still continued on his crusade. It then reached the point where Bensön the Great himself came to intervene, and issued a fight to the death. A set of rules had been established by Mr. Briggs and Hinoa for the fight that would follow, but it became apparent that the Powershot zealot refused to follow the rules, and had the foul incentive to cheat, little did the zealot know that he obliviously waltzed into the perfect trap:
Hinoa quickly banned him for his utter stupidity. At that moment, I noticed something remarkable: when the zealot proclaimed we no longer have time to deal with that asshole benson and his followers, he automatically forfeited the duel, meaning that Bensön won the duel by default, and finally marked the decisive end for Powershot. The trap worked flawlessly. Powershot became responsible for its own demise.
==The zealot returns==
Just when I had thought this conflict reached its resolution, the Powershot dude chose to return to Uncyclopedia, unchanged and ignorant as ever. I was dealing with other matters at the village dump, when he spouted a message of a derogatory nature on Bensön's forum, which went as follows:
“The creator of this forum has no affiliation with either Azazer Shark Bite or Powershot. Therefore it is a useless piece of shit.”
::~ Powershot dude 
I expected he would say something of this nature. It was proof-positive that he returned here only to stir up more havoc. If you recall my flaming patterns, first I use a touch of extreme sarcasm, then I crush my opponent into submission with superior logic and intelligence. Following this simple pattern, I shot forth my extreme sarcasm, my reply being:
“Ah yes, so I see you have returned. Have you changed the errors of your ways or are you still an arrogant ass?”
::~ Insineratos the Wise 
His reply later revealed that my assumptions of him were true: he came back to this holy place unchanged, and he still continued to implement the same tired tactics. He belabored the same statements, and used the same types of logical fallacies.
“If you are inquiring that I do not believe POWERSHOT is the best, your fucking wrong. The only reason benson won the fucked elections was because you and your asshole followers delted all of our votes. We always win Insineratehymn. Always.”
::~ Powershot dude 
Does he still believe he has won, even though he lost this war long ago? All signs point to yes, it appears. I tried to reveal to him the truth of the current situation:
“Uhh, no you don't. You automatically lost when you started to implement personal attacks and death threats.”
::~ Insineratos the Wise 
It was later discovered that to him this is not so. He still continued to live in a world where he is a winner at everything, where his logic is as dismantled and twisted as a tangled mess of strings. His next reply went as such:
“You don't understand the meaning of this game. Threats beat your pathetic grammatical attacks just as rock beats scissors, or Powershot beats benson. The people chose us, so we win. Nobody wants to obey a little piece of shit who is so useless. All benson has done is bitched and complained and tried to brainwash others. You are a victem. We can help. We are the cure. We are the right.”
::~ Powershot dude 
Again, I tried to re-inject his tiny world of warped reality with heavier doses of truth:
“No, threats mean you have run out of intelligence and logical arguments, therefore, you have lost. If you continue to drag this out further, you will still lose. And the people did not choose you, you chose you. But go ahead, live in your own little world. If this still did not get through, I suggest you read the final message.”
::~ Insineratos the Wise 
Unfortunately, he refused to take this supplement of the truth, and continued on with his rambling which proceeded to nowhere:
“My world is reality, and my vote is the vote of all people. You know how I know you have lost, because you delte every thing I post that you cannot defend. You know it, I know it. Your done. And that is good enough for me. We could have shot down your stupid fuckig message, but you again abused your power by not allowing us to edit. Your done buddy. In life, on uncycylopedia, everywhere. Your done.”
::~ Powershot dude 
By this point, I could already see that his mind was deteriorating rapidly, as his replies started to contain higher levels of grammar and spelling mistakes. Again, I made an attempt to provide him with the truth:
“No, your world is fantasy, and your vote is your vote. I know how you have lost, because you continued to implement personal attacks and death threats when you ran out of intelligent and logical arguments. You know it. And no, I did not abuse power by not allowing you to edit, an admin did. It is you who is done. And if you still have not read it by now, the final message”
::~ Insineratos the Wise 
I offered him many baskets filled with knowledge, and he rejected them all, as his replies now contained vulgarity, just as I predicted:
“STOP REFERING TO YOUR FUCKING MESSAGE. ITS BULLSHIT. ITS NOT GOOD. YOUR A SHIT HEAD.”
::~ Powershot dude 
Again, I pointed out the errors of his statement:
“Once again, you are implementing ad hominem, meaning you have run out of intelligence and logical arguments, therefore, only proving my point.”
::~ Insineratos the Wise 
I soon discovered that his sanity had reached rock-bottom, as can be seen by this obscene statement he put forth:
“hey shit for brains. everyone hates you. you fucking moron, your not smart. oh, proving my point again. your a retard. we have made countless points and counter points to your arguments. go back into the archives. we are smarter than you. stop re using the only point you have. fucker.”
::~ Powershot dude 
I merely scoffed at his verbal attack, as defeat would soon await him. I took the great pleasure of unleashing the full force of my logic, and bombarded his feeble intellect with powerful arguments of god-like proportions. The spirits of the great philosophers granted me their energy, as I unleashed a mighty beam of knowledge at my opponent. This had now become a one-sided fight. Victory was assured for my home-land.
“You are now using argumentum ad populum. You are claiming that everyone hates me when it is not true. Then you turned right around and committed ad hominem again by calling me a retard. And no, you did not provide points and counterpoints to our arguments. All you did was commit personal attacks and death threats. Also, if you actually took the time to read the message I have given, you will see that I have provided numerous points, but you did not even glance at it and concluded that it was only one point. You still do not realize the truth: it is that we are, and forever shall be, smarter than you.”
::~ Insineratos the Wise 
After unleashing this incandescent light of knowledge at my foe, it appeared that I had knocked him into intellectual submission. He got up, shaking, and I told him to leave this holy place, and return when he had learned the ways of the argument. I even provided a link for him so that he would have the opportunity to learn how to argue properly, but alas, it arrived to him too late, as Tompkius struck him down with the mystical ban-hammer. He gave me praise for withstanding the barrage of ignorance that the zealot spewed and keeping calm throughout the ordeal, as any normal man would have degraded just as the Powershot dude had done. This was yet another proud victory for the people of Uncyclopedia.
==The end?==
Just when I thought that we had won, I realised the battle was not over yet. For on the 12th of January 2007, weeks after the war ended, I found several articles replaced with the following message:
“Hello again assholes, Powershot here. You mother fuckers can expect a page blanking on the 12th of every month for the next several centuries. Blocking is futile, proxy\\\\\\\'s are limitless. Enjoy the ride shit heads. - Powershot” I got anxious.
But by that time no one continued to care, and the gods of Uncyclopedia were forcing the name of Powershot dude into obscurity.
=See also=
*The Great Aspie War of Ought Six
Category:History of Uncyclopedia
Category:Records of Notable Flamewars