The Story Behind Halo 3 Multiplayer Maps

Throughout the entirety of my meager existence, one question has permeated all chapters. What is the story behind the multiplayer maps in Halo 3? There wasn't a single day where that question never came up. Hell, I even wrote my college thesis on it. Then one day, my prayers were answered. I was at a garage sale. Everything was super expensive, except for one tape. "The Story Behind Halo 3 Multiplayer Maps,". It was only $507,457,890, so I bought it. I couldn't believe that I had gotten such a bargain. I put in my VHS player, and my life changed forever. Weirdly, it started off as an average episode of Doc McStuffins. The only difference was the theme song.
The Doc is in
And she will fuck you up
If you're a toy, then you are fucked
It's not okay, stay away be afraid
The Doc doesn't really know her stuff!
Do, do, does she know what's good for you?
She says she'll help you get better
But oh, oh, oh, this is NOT the place to go
When you feel a little under the weather
Don't let Doc McStuffins do her thing
To get you right back in the swing
Doc McStuffins, Doc McStuffins
Don't let the visit begin
The Doc is In
Doc McStuffins, Doc McStuffins
Don't let the visit begin
The Doc is In!
It all began on Valentine's day. Doc McStuffins had just gotten a new toy, a valentine heart. It was running all Valentine's day activities. This upset Lambie, who had done that job before. Doc McStuffins asked her what was wrong, and Lambie told Doc McStuffins.
"OHMYGODYOUNEEDTOBESTABBED37TIMESINTHECHEST!!!" screamed Doc Mcstuffins. 
The stabbing went through, and Lambie was no more.
"Lambie? Lambie!?" cried Doc McStuffins. 
She went to her mother, who gave Doc Mcstuffins the death talk.
"Cool!" replied Doc McStuffins. 
She then with her own money (but mostly a generous "donation" from her mom's credit card) bought a cloning device. She used this to clone Lambie again and again and again each time Lambie died (which was in a unique way in each episode).
Once, Lambie was eaten alive by rats.
"Oh my god! They killed Lambie!" said Louie.
"You bastard!" replied Stuffy.
Doc McStuffins began her "Toy Hospital" where she'd kill toys in ironic ways. For example, when a toy had hypothermia, she'd throw them into the fireplace. When a toy was dehydrated, she'd drown them. When a telescope's lens didn't work, she'd give them a prescription so good that they could see the future, destroying its mind. However, one day, at a park, another child's toy was "broken". Doc McStuffins took it in, but it worked just fine. The owner didn't think that the windup on the back was supposed to reset. Doc McStuffins gave it back to the girl, defeated.
"I've never spared a toy before, and I'm not going to start now," said Doc McStuffins.
"Thank goodness she feels she needs to kill them in ironic ways," whispered Lambie.
"Great idea!" replied Doc McStuffins. 
She then began work on a nuclear bomb stronger than anything the world had ever seen. She never told anyone about her plans and created a fallout shelter, the "No Lambies Allowed CIub". During this era, Chilly changed his name to Lambie (It's the "No Lambies Allowed Club," they're allowed to have one).
The young girl was playing with her mouse in the park, until a massive shadow appeared above her. It was the Ultimate Nuclear Bomb, descending slowly. It opened its mouth and began to speak.
"SARAH JONES. MANKIND WILL BE HARVESTED BECAUSE OF YOUR WEAKNESS. YOU ARE THE HEATHEN. YOU WILL BE EXTERMINATED," spoke the UNB. 
The girl screamed before the entire county was turned into a vast desert. Doc McStuffins ran outside excitedly.
"Is my family dead? Yay! Is Sarah Jones dead? Yay! Is Lambie dead? Yay!" said Doc McStuffins in response to all the deaths. 
Doc McStuffins then realized that she held in her hands a capsule that contained such a virus that could wipe out all life.
"Yes. Yes. To hold in my hand a capsule that contains such power, to know that life and death on such a scale was my choice. To know that the tiny pressure on my thumb, enough to break the glass, would end everything. Yes, I would do it! That power would set me up above the gods. AND THROUGH THE TOY ARMY I SHALL HAVE THAT POWER!!" announced Doc McStuffins. 
She then went on renovating her Toy Hospital and creating what would later be known as "Sandbox". Rumor has it that the "No Lambies Allowed Club" can still be found there. However, it was too irradiated to stay there so she moved far away and created a new settlement: Sandtrap. The Toy Army needed a place to live, so Doc McStuffins created "Epitaph" out of toy remains (90% of it was from Lambie). Deep beneath Epitaph, was "Heretic", a training ground for toys. It also served a second purpose as an execution ground for "Heretical Toys". The Lambie Cloning Device was destroyed by the UNB, so Doc Mcstuffins went to work on creating her first vehicle: the Banshee. She used the banshee to take over a small settlement in Norway, Valhalla, and set up two Lambie cloning devices. Near Valhalla was where toy remains were stored, Edge.
Mankind started to become increasingly aware of Doc McStuffins, and a small rebel attack was planned. However, Doc McStuffins caught wind of this and purged all of the people involved. She named the base of operations after the people who used it: Rat's Nest. After learning that people shockingly didn't like her, Doc McStuffins took over an Australian communications base known as Standoff and made the satellite discs read brain waves and thus rebel's minds. This taught her of nearly all plans that could end her.
The first plan she learned about was from a small island off the coast of South Korea, known as Last Resort. The people there used a Ferris Wheel and began developing "Invisibility Spheres". The plan was to use these to sneak into Sandtrap and kill Doc McStuffins without anyone noticing. However, Doc McStuffins caught wind of this and took it over and the Invisibility Sphere Ferris Wheel with it.
Last Resort had close ties with a nearby island known as High Ground, which held the most powerful weapon to date, the Machine Gun Turret. Doc McStuffins desperately wanted this. She and her Toy Army stacked up on millions of Invisibility Spheres and Zerg Rushed the island. Since most of their weapons were hitscan, including the Machine Gun Turret, they kept missing. Eventually they tried using rocket launchers, as the hope was that the army would dodge right into them. However, the Toy Army was extremely adaptable and this did nothing, giving Doc McStuffins her weapon. The only death on the Toy Army's side during the onslaught was Lambie.
Toys that were taken from children during these invasions were often still loyal to their child, so Doc McStuffins used a high security prison, Blackout, to brainwash them.
Doc McStuffins then began working for days at a time on something that would allow her to do anything she wanted. If she got past this, she'd destroy them all. Humans, Toys. Everyone's Hopes. Everyone's Dreams. A weapon so evil, so sinister, so horribly vile, that even the utterance of its name strikes fear into the hearts of men. The only way to refer to this weapon of darkness is simply... the Spartan Laser.
Doc McStuffins created a test ground known as "Isolation". Lambie was the first test subject and she and her spirit were so utterly destroyed that it took a year for her to be cloned. It also created radiation with a wavelength the size of a Planck Inch, the smallest unit. This not only granted Doc McStuffins eternal youth, but created truly alien creatures known as the Flood. Doc McStuffins took them into Cold Storage and hoped that they could possibly replace toys. This is seen as the point that Doc McStuffins truly won. The demand for Spartan Lasers was so great that an entire new warehouse had to be constructed just for them: Foundry. They were automatically produced and shipped in Waterfall.
Something that Doc McStuffins had noticed was that her enemies had far more vehicles than she did. Standoff revealed that they were all coming from one factory: The Pit. Doc McStuffins mostly used the Spartan Laser but she had a bit less ammo than she needed and she had to Berserk Punch a few enemies. She also accidentally Berserk Punched Lambie. After this point, no new vehicles were ever developed by people other than Doc McStuffins.
A small Arctic island named Avalanche had one vehicle that Doc McStuffins was not aware of, the Hornet. After the inevitable conquest, Doc McStuffins used Hornets to bomb anyone who had "Anti-revolutionary thoughts".
Humanity was beginning to collapse at this point and the only reliable source of food left was from a whaling company known as Longshore. Everyone saw whaling as completely barbaric, but had to deal with it as they would starve otherwise. Doc McStuffins then showed up and instead of killing the people who were running it, simply killed all aquatic life nearby dooming humanity to starvation.
After that, everyone (barring 1000 exceptions) took the spaceship Orbital from the Russian city of Icebox and attempted to leave Earth in search of a new home, 1 billion years before expected. As everyone had arrived however and the engines were transferring to warp speed, Doc McStuffins fired a Spartan Laser right into them causing the ship to disintegrate. However, at the last second, a handful of the greatest warriors were transported to Earth wearing special suits that blocked their brainwaves, preventing Standoff from reading their minds. Their goal was to destroy Doc McStuffins and end the Mass Extinction Event she had entirely caused so that life could go on on Earth. Doc McStuffins had no idea that these people had beamed down.
Doc McStuffins noticed a strange factory, Assembly, that was providing weapons to an area her toys could not enter. She named this area "Narrows" and entered. The first of "The Last Hope" then revealed themselves, Caillou. Assembly was giving him a massive amount of weapons. He also placed a "No Toys ≥ 1" field, so Doc McStuffins had no choice but to fight him on her own. She was able to win using Cat and Mouse strategies with the cannons. Caillou was then buried in the last settlement of humans. Caillou's spirit haunted the settlement for the rest of time, killing the civilians in the process. This turned it into a Ghost Town.
Doc McStuffins then learned of another Last Hope located in Construct named Hello Kitty. Doc McStuffins beat her using elevator camping. Hello Kitty was buried on the west side of Snowbound. 
There was one more battle with the Last Hope remaining, and that was at Guardian against Dora and Boots. Despite being outnumbered, Doc McStuffins found a way to win. In the corners of the elevator room and the room with the Overshield, there was a spot where you could get stuck in the ceiling. Neither Boots nor Dora knew this and Doc McStuffins was able to shoot Boots with the Spartan Laser first. When Dora heard Boots screaming, she immediately gave up and began singing "Hit me with your best shot! Fire away!"
"You haven't won. Your dark dreams will never come true. Somehow, someone will succeed where I've failed. Until that day, live in fear. You will fall. We're only human but... but we will survive. We will survive," were Dora's last words. 
They were both buried on the east side of Snowbound.
After this, the last remaining rebels had their confidence so utterly crushed that they never attacked Doc McStuffins. They trained for the rest of time for a battle that they'd always be certain that they'd lose.
Doc McStuffins had reached the absolute. There was nothing left for Her there. She decided to erase this world and move on to the next. She attempted to create a spacecraft: Citadel. It would've been controlled with a DDR pad. However, She had a better idea. Time Travel. She had the blueprints and it would rely on Spartan Laser Technology. Elephants were early prototypes to see how large a vehicle could get using this method. Her plan was to kill Her Grandmother before she birthed Doc McStuffins' father, causing a time travel paradox and destroying the fabric of space and time.
But, for reasons unclear to this day, Doc McStuffins was killed right before She finished the Time Machine. Doc McStuffins was hyper intelligent, so "just before" for Her would be millions of years before completion for anyone else. All that remained was Her skull, which when held increased the power of punches to unimaginable levels. Without Doc McStuffins, all toys returned to their inanimate state and Mother Nature finally got revenge on them. Lambie's body never went away due to the Lambie Cloning Device.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Loads of Characters
Category:Well, that was anticlimactic.
Category:Stuff Blowing Up
Category:WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT
Category:BATTELS
Category:Look at me! I'm SO EDGY!
Category:Vidya games
Category:TELAVISHUN
Category:Inside Jokes