nyuuzyou/wikis huggingface dataset:
My Boss Might Be a Communist

I think my boss might be a communist. So a while ago, I got my first paycheck at my new job at a fast food place. I guess it wasn't too bad, but I did the math and figured out that I sold a lot more food per hour than I got paid for, even when you account for the price of the food. When I tried to talk to him about it, he said we're all part of one big team, but some people get paid more than others. This is suspiciously close to the famous "some are more equal than others" from my favorite book, Animal Farm and is what really got me thinking about this. We make the money, and then he takes it and gives it to someone who doesn't even work! I'm not economist, but this is textbook socialism. I think I've come to the conclusion that the best way for me to combat these socialist business practices would be teaming up with my fellow workers unify our power and demonstrate that we understand the full value of our labor. Anyone else have similar experiences with obviously Marxist bosses before, or any other advice?
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Copypasta
Category:Satire
Category:Memes
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Shortpasta
My Boyfriend

I looked deep into my boyfriend's eyes. "I need to know that I can trust you."
He smiled encouragingly and took his hand from my knee.
I continued. "Promise me you'll never cross the street behind the school bus. Promise me you'll cross safely in front of the bus so the driver can see you and keep his stop sign out."
"Don't worry." He kissed me on the forehead. "I promise."
The next day he was run over by a school bus. I ran over to him and stood above his mangled body and bloody broken legs. He started laughing.
"I lied."
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:WHAT A TWIST!
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep
Category:Shortpasta
My Brother Came Back After 20 Years - He Was Different

I live in a small rural town in Maine. Twenty years ago my brother went missing.
He turned up on our doorstep this morning. But he is... different. He keeps saying the same thing over and over.
He keeps saying, "I can't believe I'm back in this dump."
He told me how he disappeared. He travelled to an alternate reality that he called "New York" through a portal called a "bus moron"
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep
Category:Shortpasta
My Brother Insulted Slippin Jimmy

IT WAS A FINE WEDNESDAY MORNING (2:28AM) WHEN I WAS WATCHING MY 32ND REWATCH OF SLIPPIN JIMMY, MY (EX) BROTHER KNOCKED ON MY DOOR AND SAID "ARE YOU WATCHING THAT STUPID SHOW AGAIN?" MY REALITY WAS SHATTERED. IT WAS NOW ONLY ME, MY DEMONS, SLIPPIN JIMMY AND MY BR*THER. I QUICKLY GRABBED MY SLIPPIN JIMMY THEMED BOX CUTTER AND SLIT HIS HAND (WALTER WHITE REFERENCE), "EAT THE FUCKING DOG" I WHISPERED INTO HIS EAR WHILE SLIPPIN JIMMY WAS PLAYING AT (ONLY) 83 VOLUME. HE STARTED TO THREATEN TO CALL THE POLICE BUT HE WAS SILENCED WHEN HE SAW MY SLIPPIN JIMMY THEMED GLOCK. "EAT THE DOG OR YOU GET IT" I SAID. HE GOT ON HIS KNEES AND STARTED TO EAT THE (SLIPPIN JIMMY THEMED) FAMILY DOG, HIS TEARS WERE LIKE MUSIC TO MY EARS WHILE I WATCHED THE EPISODE WHERE JIMMY WHEN INTO AN AIRPORT AND PUTS HIS COCK AND BALLS ON THE METAL SCANNER (MY FAVOURITE EPISODE) THE DOG'S BACK-RIGHT LEG WAS ALREADY GONE AND THIS POINT WHEN I HAD AN IDEA. I GRABBED MY SLIPPIN JIMMY THEMED CUTLASS AND STARTED TO GAUGE HIS FACE OFF, I STAPLED HIS FACE TO THE DOG WITH MY SLIPPIN JIMMY THEMED STAPLER. I STARTED TO MUNCH DOWN ON THE DOG MYSELF, ALTHOUGH IT WASN'T BETTER THAN THE SLIPPIN JIMMY THEMED HOT POCKETS. I TURNED MY BROTHERS CORPSE INTO A REAL LIFE VERSION OF JIMMY AND ADDED HIM TO MY SHRINE. ALONG WITH THE REST OF MY (SLIPPIN JIMMY THEMED) FAMILY.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Copypasta
Category:ALL CAPS
Category:Wall of Text
Category:Shortpasta
My Bugatti was stolen by Lil Pump

After chasing my stolen Bugatti for what felt like hours, it finally ran out of fuel, and stopped in the woods. I got out of my 1967 Toyota Land Cruiser, and chased him into the woods. The thief took off his generic thief mask, revealing that he was really Lil Pump. He began rapping, but I summoned the ghosts of Tupac and Biggie (you learn necromancy at Morgue school), and they out rapped him, send him to the Never Realms. They both dissipated, going back to The Afterlife, and I got into my Bugatti, and drove home.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Music
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:That just raises more questions!
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep
Category:Shortpasta
My Cat Is Fucking With Me

DAY 1: I just got a new cat for my lonely little house in the middle of nowhere. He seems to be a good cat (if not a bit on the chubby side) but he's fine.
DAY 2: The cat is attempting to walk on two legs like a normal man. It's pretty charming, but I have to push him on his back so that he can act more catlike.
DAY 3: Someone's been drinking my coffee. I don't know how, but the only people in here are me and the cat. He does seem a little hyper in the mornings, though. Should look into that.
DAY 4: I was busy trying to draw a new comic when the cat started to go into my room and paw at me for food. I gave him the standard cat food, but he didn't eat a smidge of it.
DAY 5: My comic wasn't doing so well in the local papers. As for a reason, I called my father about it and he said that "gnats aren't marketable". What should I do then, now? Add something like a cat? That'll never catch on...
DAY 6: I swear I'm not making this up. I'm not crazy, I'm not deranged, I just saw the cat playing with a spider. Y'know, I thought it was just a little excursion, but then the cat pulled out a rolled-up newspaper and smacked it.
DAY 7: I tried that new Italian place across the street. It was fairly good, but I couldn't finish it all. I took the leftovers and stored them in the fridge. A few hours later and they were gone. I don't know why someone would eat them. Don't they know that lasagna tastes best when it's fresh out of the oven?
DAY 8: My neighbor invited his dog over to see if we could get that cat in line. The dog was relatively friendly but the cat absolutely hated him, even going to the point where the dog was kicked off the table.
DAY 9: I tried to ask the veterinarian about any issues with this cat, which is clearly supernatural. She said that I was correct in my findings, but told me that I drank something that would give me "a whole litter of new puppies". Note to self - never get thirsty when in a medical room.
DAY 10: This cat is going to be the end of me! He keeps doing all this stupid shit and it's driving me up the wall. Fortunately that spite has fueled me. Soon the entire world will loathe that bastard. Know this, Garfield, your name WILL go down in infamy.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Animulz
Category:Memes
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Jornel
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep
My Costume

Every year, like many people, I wear a costume for Halloween. I've always loved costumes and how you can be something or someone you're not.
I always loved dressing up as people. You know, like the President masks and stuff like that. Sadly, my costumes were never quite realistic enough, so this year, I'm wearing a specially-made costume.
It's so good that you can't even tell I'm Brian. He fits me so well. His flesh is still moist, but it won't be for long. In a couple of days, I'll ditch the costume, because it will start to rot and smell.
They'll go looking for him, but never discover where I've hidden his bones. Next year, I'll wear another costume.
Hmm, you'd fit me so very well. I'll be back for you, so keep your skin healthy for me.
Happy Halloween.
Category:Deletion Log Refugees
Category:Bad Creepypasta
Category:Holidays
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Old Shit
Category:Shortpasta
My Crappy keyboard

I WAS ON THE CREEPYPASTA WIKI CHAT AND I WAS GOING TO SAY A BUNCH OF COOL THINGS BUT THEN MY KEYBOARD BEGAN ACTING FUNNY AND MADE ME SPELL A BUNCH OF WORDS WRONG WHICH MADE ME LOOK LIKE A TOTAL DUMBASS AND I GOT ANGRY AND THREW MY STUPID KEYBOARD OUT THE WINDOW AND THEN I WAS HAPPY THE END
Category:Trollpasta
Category:ALL CAPS
Category:COMPUTERS AND INTERWEBZ
Category:Well, that was pointless.
Category:One sentence
Category:English Class Failure
Category:Inside Jokes
Category:Shortpasta
My Creepy File

I haunt games, I haunt your games, and I will never stop haunting people until I am happy.
There was once a man.
I haunted him pretty well.
REALLY well.
But I think I haunted him a bit too much.
He decided to get rid of me. He wanted me gone.
To end this madness, the boy decided to throw me away.
But I was then picked up by some person.
I decided to haunt him. Not too much of course, otherwise I'd be dead.
However, when things got a little bit too much, I left for a short while.
That's why I still exist. That's why I'll exist forever.
I'm in a Creepypasta.
You will never know that.
Category:Deletion Log Refugees
Category:Not Sure if Troll or Trying to Be Serious
Category:Ghoooosts
Category:Old Shit
Category:Shortpasta
My Curse

I am Tony Bamanaboni. This is my story. It started when I was 8, and I can vividly remember the night it first happened. Mother had just come into my room to tuck me in and kiss me good-night. Something felt off, but I paid it no mind. She left the room, shutting off the lights and closing the door behind her. The room was silent, and the air was still. I slowly drifted off into a slumber, dreaming of unicorns, cotton candy, and whatever else 8-year-old children dream of. I was suddenly awoken by an acrid smell pervading the air in my room. My body felt lighter, but I could swear the texture of the mattress had changed. Then, I tried to move. Something warm fell out of my pant leg and onto the floor. An alien lifeform, or a manifestation of a demon? No, something much worse. I looked down at the floor. I had shit myself. I'm not sure what came over me then, but I screamed and began crying. Mother reentered the room, flicking on the lights. She saw the pile of feces on the floor and began swearing under her breath. I was grounded the next day. This has been going on for years. I'm 17 now, and every other night at around 10:00PM I shit my pants. This is my curse.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Wall of Text
Category:Potty Humor
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep
Category:Shortpasta
My Dick Is Haunted

I'll never forget what my dad said to me before he got hit by that train, back when I was only 20 years old.
"Son, if your dick ever gets hard and erect, it means there's a ghost growing inside of it. You need to beat it out of you immediately. If your dick stays hard for too long, the ghost will become fully formed, and it will envelop your soul, and you will become possessed SPLAT"
That was the sound of the train hitting him.
The ghost first appeared a few months ago. I was 23 and I had just started my freshman year at Florida State. I was sitting in my hockey education class, furiously taking notes. Then I could feel it forming inside of me.
"Teacher, I need to be excused."
"Why?"
"Because it has begun."
"Ok."
I went to the bathroom and began my first battle with a paranormal entity.
"Damn you, ghost! fap fap fap You won't get the best of me! fap fap fap"
There was someone in the stall next to me.
"Dude, what the fuck?! That's fucking disgusting. Toilets are for pissing and shitting, not masturbating."
"What the fap fap fap hell is a fap fap masturbating fap?"
"Fuck off, you fucking perv. I'm getting outta here."
After a long, hard battle with the ghost, I was victorious - the ghostly ectoplasm shot out of my dick.
I thought it would never come back.
BUT I WAS WRONG.
The ghost has returned countless times since then. About 10 times a day. I don't think I'll last much longer because my dick has gotten so sore and bruised that each battle is incredibly painful. The next time you see me, I will probably be a ghost.
EDIT: OMG the ghost has been growing inside me for the last 20 minutes! He's never lasted more than 5! It's too painful to fight him! I just can't do it! What do I do???
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Ghoooosts
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep
Category:Shortpasta
My Dick Is Haunted 2

I'm sure a lot of you were praying for me last night because you were afraid I'd turned into a ghost because my dick was hard for so long. Thankfully, one of you suggested I use something called "lube." I was told it would make it easier to fight the ghost.
Well, I had no idea where to get this stuff. I wondered if maybe my mom had some, so I rushed upstairs to her bedroom. The door was locked, but that wasn't gonna stop me. I kicked it open.
I was pretty spooked when I saw my mom. She didn't have any clothes on, and she was on her knees. She was with a man, and he also didn't have any clothes on. You're not gonna believe this - he has the same problem that I do! Holy shit, the ghost growing inside of him was HUGE! But my mom was helping him. She was trying to get the ghost out with her mouth.
That was the first time I had ever seen the forbidden women parts. Mom told me I should never look at them because they have the power to spawn ghosts inside you.
Then I remembered I forgot to put my clothes on.
"WHAT THE FUCK, BILLY?" (that's my name btw) "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?"
"It's an emergency, mom! My dick is hard, and I can't stroke out the ectoplasm because it hurts so bad! I need lube!"
Her look of horror turned to one of concern for my well being. "Geez, Billy! Why didn't you tell me that in the first place? I'll get you some lube."
I looked over at the man with the haunted dick. The ghost was... gone. But how?
"Sir, I don't understand. What happened to your ghost? Is it... oh my god... did it get inside you? Are you possessed now? *How long was your dick hard? Tell, me dammit! I need to know how much time I have left before I turn into one of you!"
He didn't move a muscle. His eyes and mouth were wide open. I guess that's what you look like when you're possessed!
But then I thought, "Maybe I can save him!" So I grabbed his dick. But before I could start stroking it, he punched me in the face. I guess being possessed by a spooky ghost makes you really violent!
Then he grabbed his clothes and ran down the stairs. My mom came back from the bathroom and gave me the lube. I knew I didn't have much time left, so I squirted a bunch of it on my dick and got to work.
"Eww... please, Billy - don't do that in front of me. Go to your room."
Well, long story short, the lube did the trick! I'm safe now! Thank you so much for keeping me in your thoughts and prayers!
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Ghoooosts
Category:Unnecessary Sequels
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep
My Dick Is Haunted 4

After the men were freed of their dick ghosts, they left. Now, it was just me and my mom. I needed more answers.
"Mom, you lied to me about the forbidden lady parts! I've been watching yours for the last 20 minutes, and my dick hasn't been haunted at all! What are you hiding from me?"
"I understand if you don't believe me, but... if the forbidden lady parts you see are your mother's, then no ghost will enter you. In fact, any ghosts that entered you before will flee away."
"So that's the solution! I just have to stare at you naked! All the time! And then I won't have to worry about my dick being haunted anymore!"
"Umm.... no.... it's hard to explain, but that's a really fucked up thing to do."
"YOU LIE! How could it be wrong if it keeps my dick ghost-free?"
"It's hard to explain-"
"STOP TELLING ME IT'S HARD TO EXPLAIN, YOU SPOOKY CUNT! TELL ME WHAT I NEED TO KNOW!"
"All right, all right. Just come downstairs. There's a video I need to show you."
I didn't feel comfortable trusting my mom because she was a spooky ghost, but whatever. Fuck it. #YOLO
She put the tape in the VCR. It was a video of my mom and dad. They looked younger. Based on how my dad looked, he hadn't been hit by that train yet. And they were... well, I couldn't really tell what they were doing, but it looked like they were wrestling. And my dad was haunted just like me.
"Mom, I had no idea you loved wrestling so much! TIL!"
I watched as my dad wrestled my mom harder and harder. I could tell they loved wrestling because of all the screams they made.
YES! OH FUCK YES! FUCK ME HARDER! HARDER! HARDER, YOU FUCKING STUD!
I didn't know what a "fuck" was.
"Mom, is "fuck" a slang term for wrestling?"
"Um... yeah. Yeah, it is."
They continued to shout spooky things.
YOU WANNA CUM IN MY PUSSY? YEAH, DO IT! DO IT!
OHHHHH!!!!! OHHHHH!!!!!!! HHHHNNNNNGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!
And then they stopped wrestling. My dad looked really tired all of a sudden. I was so confused.
"Mom, why are you showing me this?"
"You'll see. Just watch this next part."
It was a close up shot of her forbidden lady hole. There was ectoplasm dripping out of it.
"Mom, what the heck? Did he try to put a ghost inside you?"
"He did, Billy. And... we filmed this the night you were conceived."
No, no... No, it couldn't be....
"Mom, are you saying that you got pregnant when my dad shot his dick ghost into your forbidden lady hole?"
What followed was a very pregnant silence.
"Yes, Billy."
"So what you are saying is... I am ghost?"
"Yes, Billy. YOU ARE GHOST."
I was so spooked that I could feel the ghost growing inside me again.
"Billy, listen to me... when you stroke your cock until that special moment, you aren't getting rid of a ghost... you're just getting rid of a part of you. Because you are ghost."
So I finally found out what I really am. I am ghost. And my new mission is to turn other people into ghosts, whether they want it or not. I'll keep you guys updated.
BOOOOOOO
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Ghoooosts
Category:Unnecessary Sequels
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep
My Dick Is Haunted 5

"So, if I've been a ghost my whole life, that means I was never a haunted man."
"That's right, son. The last thing your father said to you - right before the train hit him and exploded him like a meat bomb - was a lie. There's no such thing as haunted men. Only ghosts. And the only true way to find out if someone is a ghost is to... uh... wrestle with them. Like the way me and your dad did. If the wrestling makes him get hard and shoot his spooky, ghostly seed all over your tits, then he's a ghost. If he's isn't, he doesn't get hard. He just pisses on you."
That made perfect sense. I learned in my sex ed class that pissing in a woman's forbidden lady hole is how you get her pregnant.
"But what about ladies? How can I tell if a lady is a ghost like you are?"
"Um.... well, it's complicated. Women ghosts are extremely rare, and they're known as 'squirters' But getting them to squirt isn't easy. It takes practice."
"So... what do I do now, mom?"
"It's simple. You're a ghost, Billy. You need to find a house and haunt the fuck out of it."
Most ghosts haunted spooky places like abandoned warehouses or dilapidated, boarded up old homes, but I felt like doing something different. I lived just a few doors down from Shelly Skellton, the most beautiful and popular chick at Florida State. We were both home for the summer, so I had the perfect opportunity.
I picklocked her front door and spookily snuck up the stairs. I tiptoed into her room. She was sleeping like an angel. But she wouldn't be an angel for long - soon, she would be possessed by my ghostly soul.
I eerily, scarily slid the covers off her, I turned on the lights and said "BOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!"
She woke up and saw me standing there, naked and hard as a rock.
She screamed bloody murder, wrapped the bedsheets around her, and ran out of the room. Damn, I thought. I really am scary.
"MOM! DAD!" she screamed. "THERE'S A GHOST IN MY ROOM!"
To be continued...
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Ghoooosts
Category:Unnecessary Sequels
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep
My Dick Is Haunted 7

Hello, folks. It has been months since my last update. I'm sure you have many questions. I'll pick up where I left off.
After Shelly killed her dad, things were great. Every night, after she fell asleep, I got naked, transformed into Selena Gomez, and practiced singing as I soared across the night skies. During the day, I assumed the form Shelly's father. I was an excellent father - I cared for her, fed her, bathed her, and read her bedtime stories, even though she's in her 20s. I blended in perfectly. No one suspected a thing.
Soon, it was time for Shelly to return to Florida State. I couldn't bear to see her go. Actually, it wasn't that bad because right after she left, I transformed into her boyfriend and flew right to her dorm. She texted me once she arrived.
"hey sexy... come to my room right now. I've been waiting so long..."
I got there right away. She pulled me inside, slammed the door, and began to undress.
"What are you waiting for, baby?" she said. "Take your clothes off. I wanna see that big, flaccid cock. I want you to piss all over me."
In case you forgot, that's how non-ghosts ejaculate.
Well, this was gonna be interesting. I was about to lose my virginity to a puny human. I whipped my soft dick out, and... shit. What was I supposed to do with it?
"Come on, baby. You know how I like it."
No, I didn't.
Fuuuuck.
"Shelly, umm... tell me what you want me to do to you. I love to hear you say it."
"What? No you don't. I've lost track of how many times you've said 'Don't tell me what you want me to do to you. I would not love to hear you say it.'"
Fuuuuuuuuck.
"Babe, what's wrong? You're acting strange. You don't seem like yourself right now."
Awkward silence
"Well, whatever. Let's do this thing." She got down her knees and started wiggling my limp noodle around.
"Oh God, I love your cock. It's so fucking soft."
It felt good. Then it felt really good. Then it felt super fucking crazy good.
And then I remembered what Shelly's dad said. That the source of my power was in my dick. And once I beat the ectoplasm out of it... my powers would vanish until I could get hard again.
I had never felt so spookified. I was in human form, but I was still a ghost. Did that mean that... once I pissed on her, that... no... please, no... it couldn't be...
But it was. And I was too late to stop it. I pissed all over her and transformed back into my normal body.
And then I was completely fucked.
To be continued...
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Ghoooosts
Category:Unnecessary Sequels
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep