nyuuzyou/wikis huggingface dataset:
The Tale of Shrek

>I was only nineteen years old
>I loved Shrek so much, I owned all the movies and merchandise
>I pray to Shrek every night, thanking him for the life I have been given
>"Shrek is love", I say, "Shrek is life"
>My dad hears me and calls me a freak
>He is obviously jealous of my devotion to Shrek
>I called him a cunt
>He slaps me and sends me to my room
>I am crying now, because my face hurts
>I go into my bed and it is very cold
>I feel a warmth moving towards me
>I fell something touch me
>It's Shrek
>I am so happy
>He whispers into my ear, "This is my swamp"
>He grabs me with his powerful ogre hands and puts me on my hands and knees
>I'm ready
>I spread my ass cheeks for Shrek
>He penetrates my butthole
>It hurts so much, but I do it for Shrek
>I can feel my anus tearing as my eyes start to water
>I push against his force
>I want to please Shrek
>He roars a mighty roar as he fills my butt with his love
>My dad walks in
>Shrek looks him deep in the eyes and says, "It's all ogre now"
>Shrek leaves through my window
Shrek is love, Shrek is life.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Shrek
Category:Memes
Category:WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT
Category:Shortpasta
Category:Classics
The Tale of Two-Faced Mike

Come here kiddo, listen, or don't.
I don't much like to gloat.
But I've done great things you see.
I've freed many people, many, but he.
It was he you see, the one I wanted to be.
A knife was all it took; I snatched his face like a naughty little crook!
I walked through town, people watched and stared
Police sirens, oh heavens they blared.
They took me in chains, I stomped, and I screamed "It's just not fair!"
It was in the home you see, I did many great deeds.
I became not one, not two, but three!
The men called it: "A homicidal case of MPD."
I was never quite sure who I wanted to be.
Surely, no one there, so I had to run, I had to flee.
I wandered the streets, hungering for more.
My luxurious lust was more than my family could afford.
So I was abandoned, left only to the company of my own.
My animalistic senses, I was forced to hone
I found ecstasy in each new appearance I found
I was free, no face for me to be bound!
I could literally be "who I wanted to be."
The shudders of others made me giggle with glee.
No longer, am I to be controlled.
My compassion for the ones around me has been marginally lowed.
My name is Mike, but fear not friend! No need to hide.
No need to hide, until you've died.
Young one, when you sleep tonight.
Keep your mind clear of fright.
I'll slide through your window, silent as a mouse.
Or, maybe I'll enter through the front door of your large or small house!
One thing is certain, upon your face, my knife will rest.
I'll be clean, I'll do my best!
But, either way I'll wear you like my mask.
And continue on with this daunting task.
Maybe one day I'll figure out how I want to look.
You think you are safe, but I'm afraid your fate, you have mistook.
I believe that you are the new face I've found.
So whatever you do, do not, turn around.
Category:Deletion Log Refugees
Category:Bad Creepypasta
Category:Morons Attempting Poetry
Category:Pointless Violence
Category:Old Shit
Category:Shortpasta
The Tale of the Rexosaurus Tyrann

One day, a brilliant scientist named John Hamstrings brought a dinosaur back to life. However, it was a brand new genus, so it was named Rexosaurus Tyrann.
It also looked kinda spooky because it had three heads, eleven pairs of humongous bat wings, and a tail with an axehead at the end. It also had five arms and three legs, one of which had eight feet on it.
This monster would be used in a horror attraction at a local theme park, where people would be doused in fresh ox blood. Then the dinosaur would be unleashed upon the patrons, who would have to run for their lives to avoid being gobbled.
So spooky, amirite? What could go wrong?
Then, against all odds, something went wrong.
A young man was being chased, and he slipped and fell on the floor. The Rexosaurus then bit out his frontal lobe, putting the man in a coma for six nights.
The attraction was then burned down by the vengeful parents of the man, and all the staff were killed in the blaze.
However, the dinosaur escaped and is currently living in Manhattan, where he runs a small newspaper shop.
How do I know all this?
Because that dinosaur was me
or is it?
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:WHAT A TWIST!
Category:Shortpasta
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep
The Talking Dog of Little China

Down here in Fucks Cunty, Penisvania, there's a town called Cock Things. Now, bad things often happen in Cock Things, and believe me, I've seen some shit.
Sodomized dogs though? That's a whole other level. Even our local bus driver and mayor, Manny B. Joab, wouldn't stoop so low.
We kept finding their corpses stacking up, and because I'm a racist moron, I blamed the Chinese. They eat dogs don't they? So only a matter of time till they started fuckin' em and killing them s'far as I'm concerned.
Soon enough I turned up in Chinatown, and things were even worse than I thought. In the back of a Chinese massage parlour I found none other than ex-president Donald J. Trump and his son Don Jr. having a train run on them by seven dogs at once. Each.
In the corner, Joe Biden was giving Manny a blowjob, but that's a story for another day.
"What in the name that's all that's holy..." A paw descended on my shoulder and I turned around to see a Chow Chow dressed in a suit and standing on the shoulders of two other dogs.
When it spoke, it had a Distinct Wuhan accent.
"Mr FBI Agent, I suggest you do not speak of what you saw here today. As you see, the rulers of your nation are fully under our control. If you speak of this, the world shall know that your leaders frequent dog brothels and America will be a broken nation forevermore."
Trump spat a man's cock out of his mouth to chime in.
"He's right. We'll do for you like we did for Epstein if you squeal." He then squealed himself, but in a more literal sense, and for reasons I'd rather not describe too graphically.
I threw up there and then.
"But why are you killing them?"
"Snitches. Stormy Spaniels tried to leak the whole operation to the press. You will share her fate if you breath a word."
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Well, that was anticlimactic.
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep
Category:Shortpasta
The Tall, No-Armed Man

It all started on one cold dark day. I was walking from a store to my home when my cell phone rang. I looked at my phone and it was my friend calling me (Not knowing why) so I answered and I and he kept talking until the connection on my phone went out. I didn't get it because there were no clouds blocking the way of connection. I saw a big truck tipped over on the side of the road. There were no stop signs, traffic lights, or fences anywhere. After all these days me walking to the store and my home I never ever seen this road before.
So I kept walking, and walking until this strange ringing sound was coming from the woods right beside the street. I knew it wasn't my ears because I covered up my ears with my hands and heard nothing, then uncovered my hands and hear it.
So, I stupidly went wherever the sound went. I stepped in the woods and saw this big huge tall thing, with glowing yellow eyes with some type of horns and no arms. It was walking fast at me as I ran, and ran until the noise stopped and I didn't see that thing anymore. It's been 1 year now 2012 and just had to share it with you.
Category:Deletion Log Refugees
Category:Bad Creepypasta
Category:Beings
Category:Well, that was anticlimactic.
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Old Shit
Category:Shortpasta
The Tape from Nickelodeon Studios

i used to be a normal person, with a normal mind. but now i think about killing everything on the fricking world every second. i'm here to tell you why.
i was an intern at nickelodeon, and i found a tape. the label on it was written in blood, and it said spongebob season 0. wondering what it was, i loaded it into the vcr player. it had three episodes. i went to the first episode.
it started out with spongebob petting gary. it was normal, until gary coughed up blood and collapsed. gary was rushed to the hospital, where he was told that gary died. spongebob, at first, refused to believe it. but after a long time, he finally believed it, and was very depressed.
the next scene opened up with spongebob tying a noose. he hung it up onto the ceiling, and stood on a chair. he put his neck through the noose, and kicked down the chair. yep, that's how the episode ended. the tv started having a seizure and the screen got all glitchy. it went to episode two.
sandy was just, standing there. her silhouette, of course. there were two, white, gaping holes where her eyes should have been. she was holding a knife, and walking up to mr. krabs. she drove her knife into mr krabs's back, causing him to cough up blood and die. she then looked at the screen, and said. "patrick is next" it then went to the last episode.
sandy was behind patrick, about to kill him. she was about to stab him, when all of this sudden, patrick grabbed sandy's arm, and swung her to the ground. his eyes were red, burning with fury. he took sandy's knife, and stabbed sandy to death with it. patrick then walked up to the screen, his eyes were now so red, that it hurt my eyes.
"I AM EVIL PATRIXXX! BOW DOWN TO ME!"
Category:Trollpasta
Category:SpongeBob
Category:EVIL PATRIXXX
Category:SUPR SKAREY IMAG
Category:I WAS AN INTERN AT
Category:Shortpasta
The Target

James Sanchez was very good at archery. He went to a school club and it was very rare for him not to get within 5cm of the bullseye. But apart from archery James had no other hobbys or talents. He was failing nearly all his subjects and got bullied regularly. Some people beat him up on a day-to day basis. But James always had archery to turn too, and despite the fact he regularly debated suicide he decided that his love for archery was to strong and he never wanted to stop doing it.
1 week later James' body was found in an alleyway. He had multiple scars over his body, one of his eyes was gouged out and most of his hair had been scraped of with a knife, any hair left was stained with blood.
The CCTV footage shew James walking down the alleyway (his mother, whom the police interviewed later said he was going to his Uncle's house and he always took the alleyway as a short cut) when two people (who were identified as people who went to school with James) ambushed him and started beating him up, eventually James was stabbed in the chest and his body mutilated, then his body left.
The police went looking for the two boys who had killed James and found out that they had checked into a hotel 13 miles away. The police went to the hotel and when they went in to the room the two had checked into the police found them dead. There was an arrow poking out of each of their chests and no signs of any other wounds.
The police couldn't find any evidence of who killed them and the case went cold for 3 months when another was killed in the same way. He was identified as Ashley Pond who also went to the same school as James. And 2 weeks later another boy who went to the same school was found dead with the same wound, an arrow out of his chest.
Police named the killer "The Target."
The Target went quiet for a while until another boy was found dead, he also went to the same school and had the same wound, an arrow in his heart.
This dead boys mother said she saw somebody with a bow and arrow leaving the area after she found her son.
She described him as having, "Only one eye with nearly no hair, he was covered in scars and stained with blood."
Category:Deletion Log Refugees
Category:Bad Creepypasta
Category:Pointless Violence
Category:Well, that was anticlimactic.
Category:Old Shit
The Tasty Red Balloon

One day, I was horse riding. Unfortunately, Sterile (my horse) wouldn't go because she was scared of something lurking in my favorite bush. I looked and I saw Pikachu. Wait... Pikachu's not real, I thought. Pikachu was bleeding.
I said, "You've got a little blood there".
"Ah, no, no, I just cut myself on a thorn", Pikachu replied.
"Oh..."
"Yeah, I'm okay, though".
Suddenly, Pikachu snapped his own neck and vomited cake pops out of his mouth. His eyes turned red and then he said "The Red Balloon is your new God".
I looked and noticed that I was surrounded by Lucky the Leprechaun and his clones. Each one had a bowl of Lucky Charms. They said in monotone...
"Which bowl is the safe bowl? Turn the wheel and see what you get. If you don't try it, you'll become one of us".
I didn't want to be a leprechaun, so I took one of the bowls and had a bite. The spoon had a few oats and a red balloon marshmallow.
"Down the hatch".
It tasted like tar. It was one of the unsafe bowls.
They all started chanting "He's after me Lucky Charms. He's after me Lucky Charms".
Then I woke up. It was just a dream. I looked up... there was Sterile and Lucky the Leprechaun. Lucky had a knife.
"YOU'RE AFTER ME LUCKY CHARMS".
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Pokemon
Category:WHAT A TWIST!
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Shortpasta
The Teletubby Massacre

DOWN IN THE NETHERLANDS, EVERYTHING WAS PEACEFUL UNTIL SOME RANDOM DUDE WAS ASSASSINATED, AND THEN THE APOCALYPSE BEGAN. IT WAS PRETTY BAD BUT GOT MUCH WORSE WHEN THE FOUR HORSEMEN OF THE APOCALYPSE ARRIVED!!1!
THE HORSEMEN WERE ODD-LOOKING, COLORED CREATURES WITH ANTENNAE AND TELEVISIONS ON THEIR STOMACHS. THEY WERE QUITE SPOOKY.
THEIR NAMES WERE TINKY WINKY (PURPLE), DIPSY (GREEN), LALA (YELLOW), AND PO (RED). EACH ONE RODE A MIGHTY STEED COVERED IN FLAMES.
THE FIGHT BEGAN WHEN PO BLEW UP A NEIGHBORHOOD WITH A ROCKET LAUNCHER. DIPSY THEN TOOK OUT HIS LONG WOODEN SPEAR AND STARTED MERCILESSLY IMPALING EVERYONE HE SAW. TINKY WINKY HAD TWO THOMPSON SUBMACHINE GUNS, ONE IN EACH HAND, AND A PISTOL ON HIS ANTENNA. FINALLY, LALA WAS ARMED WITH AN AUTHENTIC PERSIAN SCIMITAR AND AN AUTHENTIC CRUSADES SHIELD.
AFTER 69 DAYS OF DARKNESS AND MURDER IN WHICH THE HORSEMEN, WHO THE NATIVES HAD CALLED "CROTNUYAËYUĮPÓĽAĽAȚINKAGHI-HYIKYHUTHULUTHŰĆ (WHICH TRANSLATES TO TELETUBBIES), MURDERED EVERYONE THEY SAW, THE DARKNESS ENDED.
THE HORSEMEN ENDED THEIR MASSACRE AND RETURNED TO THE HEAVENS ABOVE.
MEANWHILE, WITH THE APOCALYPSE IN THE NETHERLANDS OVER, IT WAS TIME FOR CIVILIZATION TO BE REBUILT.
THE ONLY PROBLEM WAS THAT EVERY HUMAN IN THE NETHERLANDS WAS DEAD SO THE NETHERLANDS ARE NOW A BARREN WASTELAND.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:ALL CAPS
Category:Pointless Violence
Category:Beings
Category:Shortpasta
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep
The Television Death Collection

Just read, FOOL!
__NOTOC__
==Drake Kills Josh==
One day Drake was pissed off at Walter so he stole Megan's obo and shoved it up Walter's ass.
Megan found out and tried to kill Drake but was grabbed by Josh's human magnet and then Drake was like "Why did you do that I wanted to fight her!"
So Drake and Josh fight to the death and Drake killed Josh and he was wearing Josh's head as an over-sized turban.
==Deathstein==
One day the Rammstein keyboardist came up to Till their singer and was all like "Why do I die in all the music videos?"
So Till be like "Because you need to shut up."
So then the keyboardist shoved his keyboard up Till's ass and then the other band members run over the keyboardist with the truck from Benzin but he wasn't really run over because the truck was fake so they hit him with a deathstick and Till had problems shitting ever since.
==King of the Dead==
One day Hank went into Bobby's room with a chainsaw, turned it on and shoved it up Bobby's ass and said, "This is your punishment for breathing in air that wasn't being shared with propane, son."
Hank then walked into the kitchen and he was crushed by a giant boggle set that mysteriously fell from the sky.
Peggy was like, "It's a gift from the boggle gods!" and then Dale walked in and shot the boggle set with an RPG but he meant to shoot peggy and his aim was bad so Peggy killed him and then Boomhauer came up behind Peggy and snapped her neck and then Bill killed Boomhauer by sitting on him and then Kahn killed Bill with an axe, threw Connie out the window, threw Minh into the garbage chute and drove Lucky into the lake and married Luanne until Luanne killed him and John Redcorn came up and killed Luanne with a rock and then the rock killed John Redcorn in his sleep.
==iKillyou==
One day, Carly was doing iCarly when suddenly Gibby walked in and killed Freddy and raped Carly and Sam with his dog and then Spencer came in and killed Gibby with an anti-Gibby spray and then Carly and Sam got exposed to Rammstein's new hypnotic song about Till getting a keyboard shoved up his ass and it caused them to kill each other.
After that Spencer went to Freddy's mom's house and raped her and then she killed him with her annoying lectures and then Lubert came up and was like, "Hey look neighbor I finally got rid of my wor-oh God." Lubert then picked up a machine gun and shot Freddy's mom to death and then Lubert was crushed by the apartment falling down on him and everyone in the apartment died.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:TELAVISHUN
Category:Pointless Violence
Category:Rocks Fall, Everybody Dies
Category:Look at me! I'm SO EDGY!
The Terrible Bastard of Death

So one time, right, there was this big, I mean seriously big apartment building, mainly used for student housing. Anyway, in the middle of the day, on some day other than October 31, the students in room 65 get a phone call.
"There's a new student going to be moving in next to you," says the voice on the other end. They ask who it is, no answer. But sure enough, the next day, there's boxes of stuff outside the room next to theirs. They hear movement and footsteps, but every time they go out, y'know, to introduce themselves, there's nobody there.
Coupla weeks pass, right? And they start forgetting about it. There's no new car in the parking lot, and nobody new on the bus to college. But then it starts to smell. Not just their corridor, not just their floor, the whole apartment block starts smelling of bad eggs and rotting meat. And when they're going to or from their apartment, they notice some weird liquid trickling under the door of the room next to theirs.
But everyone buys some air freshener, and they start forgetting about it again. But then the screaming starts, in the middle of the night. Screams of horror, sounding really close by. They try putting on some music, but after a few nights, the lack of sleep starts really fucking them up. So they knock on their unseen neighbor's door, to try and get them to shut up; no answer. They look through the keyhole. If it was red, they'd've been worried, they've heard all the stories, but no, they can see through fine, and it's just a normal-looking apartment, basically the same as theirs.
Next day there's a body in the parking lot behind the building. It's clearly been thrown from high up.
"Why does our bastard neighbour have to do all this fucking shit?" asks one of them, looking out the window at the body. "He's acting like a fucking nut!"
"At least it distracts everyone from our murdering," replies another, forcing some mangled flesh into the food disposal.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:WHAT A TWIST!
Category:Old Shit
Category:Shortpasta
The Terrible Secret of Space

In the year 2211, the USS Jean-Claude van Damme became the first manned spaceship to travel beyond the solar system. Its 5 year mission: to explore strange new worlds; to seek out weird lifeforms, and blast them. The merest description of the horrors encountered by this daughty crew would drive you to a gibbering insanity from which you would never recover. Nevertheless, a few of the lesser horrors can be safely relayed.
Their first stop was Alpha Centauri. There they discovered that what orbited the star was not planets, as previously thought. It was actually gigantic, severed heads! Then some stuff happened that's way to awful to mention, until finally they came to a black hole. As they observed the black hole, they saw an enormous eye appear and stare back at them! Then black tentacles reached and grabbed at them. Against all known laws of physics, the creature emerged and chased after them as they fled. Their panicked flight caused them to crash land on a planet inhabited by spooky space skeletons! There, under the baleful light of evil twin moons, the surviving crew went insane from all the horror and killed each other. Nobody ever left Earth again, and ever after the solar system was ringed with giant space lasers pointing outward into the evil black void of space.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep
Category:Shortpasta
The Terrible Sight of Link's Mom

I was bored one day and I felt like playing "The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time", so I dug into my closet to find my old "Nintendo 64". After I found it I remembered my mom sold my original game long ago, so I went to the local creepy guy living in an alley-way. "This game is glitchy because I tried to hack into it a few times, and I'm not a good hacker." I faintly remember the man saying, but it couldn't be true! A haunted game? This can not be!
I went back home and hesitated to put the game into the console, "what if the old man is right and it is haunted?"
I finally decided to play it after three hours went by of me not doing anything. I booted up the game, and the first thing I saw was instead of Link being on Epona, it was instead a lady who was really fat and ugly! I screamed in terror due to the sight, so I shut off the console and sold the game to a local retailer and made a few bucks off of it, they don't even know that it is haunted!
Category:Trollpasta
Category:NINTENDO SIXTY-FOOOUR
Category:Zel-DUUHHH
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Well, that was anticlimactic.
Category:Shortpasta