The Beginning of the End

"The Beginning of the End" is the 49th episode of Wiksteria Lane.
==Summary==
==Plot==
Her delicate gloved hand reaches for the white veil hanging from a coat rack nearby.
She slides the pearly-white garter up her perfectly sculpted, smooth, feminine leg.
She places her feet inside the beautiful, pricy shoes, as gently as Cinderella herself would. 
The blushing young bride-to-be struts through the halls of the church that lead from the dressing room to the entrance, through which she is meant to walk as she presents herself to everyone in attendance. She suddenly turns back, however, and addresses her bridesmaids: "I want any troubles today. It's my wedding day. Everything must be trés perfect." And her face means business: this is Lady Junky's big day, and it must run smoothly, so she can cherish the memory of it forever. MaryPierceLopez, DisneyMeerkats and Devious Peep - sigh - are the bridesmaids, all dressed in lavender gowns and holding pink bouquets. Primadonna Girl turned down the invitation to be a bridesmaid because she is very much pregnant at the moment (remember that?). Devious Peep insisted on wearing the same dress size as her fellow 'maids, so she looks like a big brown salami wrapped with a string. As it turns out, Lady Junky doesn't have many female friends. "Don't worry, sis. It's gonna go great," Mary reassures her. "'Sis'?" Lady asks, confused. "What?" "I, just don't think you ever call me that before." "Right. Sorry. Don't worry, bitch. It's gonna go great." Lady smiles and turns back around. She shrugs and rolls her shoulders repeatedly to relieve the tension and tells them she's ready. Nothing happens. Lady rolls her eyes and tells them to open the door. "Oh, do we do that?" Disney inquires, "I thought we were meant to walk behind you." "Well someone have to get the door! I can't be it cos I'm the bride!" Disney turns to Peep and asks her, "Peep, could you please open the door?" Devious Peep gives her the stink-eye. "...What?" Disney wonders. "Why the fuck even me?" "W-why not?" "I'm just askin', gurl, really wanna know, why me? Why you gotta get me to open the door? Cos I be da negro? Get Mammy to act da damn servant? Or cos I'm the biggest one here? So, wot, you just assume I got the muscles to open these big-ass heavy doors, cos I'm a brute? Dat it?!" "N-no, I, you're just, standing closer to them..." "You tryin' me! Bitch dis ain't no parole hearing why you tryin' me?! You think I'm just gon' throw maself at these damn doors and bust dem fuckers wide open with ma mastodont physique, dat it?!" Disney starts to tremble a bit. "No, God no, nothing of the sort!" "So I'm a liar now? Dat ain't what you meant?! I'm just a liar? I'm just a big black fat dumb lyin' sack o'crap, dat it?! Bitch I was puttin' on ma best show cos it's Lady Funky's wedding and shit but you best not try me cos Peep may be all rainbows and sunshine and unicorn barf fo' da moment but if push come to shove Peep'll shake a bitch, best belie'dat!!" "Guys..." Mary says; "Wot?!" Peep roars. "I opened the doors." Devious Peep and DisneyMeerkats stare into the church's inside, where all the guests, sitting in the pews, have turned around to witness the scandalous commotion. Lady Junky closes her eyes and breathes in deeply, silently praying to God to smite Devious Peep. She then opens her eyes and her gaze finds him there, at the altar, already waiting for her. Renaboss stands and smiles, not at all affected by the uproar already provoked. So handsome. And looking so dapper. The black tuxedo fits his body perfectly, in a way that even showcases his built physique quite remarkably, which is unusual for a tux. Not a single black hair is out of place. The beard gone, he looks youthful and charming. That white smile contrasting with his tanned skin... A veritable swarthy God. Holy crap that bulge. And as her beautiful, crystalline eyes meet with his, Lady forgets what just happened. It's her perfect day. Their perfect day. Nothing's going to ruin it.
Lol.
Eight Weeks Before the Wedding
"Are you okay?" Rena asks, with care and concern in his tone, as he holds her hands in his. Lady Junky rests up on the couch of his PM room, gathering her strength. "Oui. I feel much better," she tells him, "I think my energy is coming back." She tries to sit up, and he positions himself next to her. He looks at her gentle face for a few lingering seconds and she feels compelled to ask him what he's thinking about. "It's just... insane, the amount of trouble you've gone through over such a short amount of time. The things that keep happening to you. The things everyone keeps doing to you..." Lady doesn't know how to respond. "Including me," he finishes, "I am so... so sorry." She smiles tenderly at him, and leans in to kiss him softly on the lips. "Marry me," is the first thing she hears when the kissing subsides. The bluntness and unexpectedness - that's a word, I googled it - of it all catches her by surprise. "W-what?" "I can't do right by leaving you on the lurch like I have, when you most needed me. But I can promise to stay by your side for the rest of my life. And I swear... God, how I swear... I'm gonna make everyone pay for what they've done to you. Lynette, staff, your goddamn father... Everyone." "Rena..." "Marry me," he repeats. "Rena... I'd love for anything more than that. I want to marry you for the longest time, but... I don't want revenge. I'm so sick of the drama." "So much drama..." "Too much drama." "Then don't think of it as revenge, Lady. Just justice. It needs to happen, otherwise those sick bastards are gonna keep putting everyone in wikia through hell." "You've been trying to make it stop forever..." "And I'm still going strong. They keep throwing punches our way but they have yet to knock us out. We are strong." "No, I am not," she lets him know, "Literally. Physically. I am not strong, Rena. I don't know how much more I can keep up with." "Put up with," he corrects her. "My heart is weak, Rena," she starts to say, "My heart is really really weak. I could talk on and on about how my heart is sick." "Lady," he says, still not letting go of her hands, "I will make you whole again. In more ways than you can possibly imagine right now. I... everything has been so messed up and keeps getting worse, but... I'm sick and tired of only helping to make it worse. It's like every decision I make is dumbfounded and I keep fucking up. I wanna be the hero this wiki needs and deserves. That everyone expects me to be. I've tried to dodge that responsibility in the past because I didn't want it, but if I don't do this, then who is going to? But..." He stops. "What?" she has to ask. "I may still be around, but there's no denying that the odds are stacked against us. Staff has so much power... Heck, Lynette rules, like, a billion wikis, I've honestly forgotten how many. And your father is like a master puppeteer, pulling the right strings at the right time to ensure the show goes on. I've made some pretty powerful enemies here, and I feel utterly powerless. But if you stand by my side... if you do me the honor of becoming my wife, I'll have a cause worth fighting for that's all the closer to my heart, and... if things don't work out right for me, I'll die knowing the love of my life said 'I do' to me." Lady is moved close to tears. He goes on: "I left you alone because I was too weak. And didn't realize how much weaker that made me. You're my strength, Lady, and I felt so miserable without you. So... do you want to marry me?" Her cheeks turn rosy red as she tells him "I do". 
The following morning, Villain fan receives the news over the phone. "Honey, that's incredible," she tells him, "I'm so happy for the both of you. Obviously you won't have to worry about spending a single badge on this wedding, I've got it covered." "Papa..." Lady tells him, with a sadder tone, on the other side. "Yes dear?" "Papa, I... I don't know how to tell you this, but... you're not invited to the wedding." Villain starts out more confused than anything else. "W-what?" "You have to understand," she explains herself, "I mean, after everything that happened... Rena doesn't want you at the wedding and... Papa, I love you and I'm sorry, but, I have to agree to that." Now he is shocked. "Why?" "Papa, you keep... making the bad decision. The wrong thing. Your bloodlust, your vendetta with Lynette makes you see no limit. You lied to Rena, said him you were his father. You got me to try and marry Lynette so you could control him." "Lady, I -" he tries to justify himself. "You got my sister killed." His mouth closes once more. Then he inhales and brings his hand to his forehead. "We don't want you at the wedding, papa. I'm sorry, but we can't have you there." And now his heart is just broken. A tear streams down his right cheek and he wipes it away and tells her, "Regardless, I-I want to pay for this wedding." "You don't have to do that," she tries to tell him. "No, I do, I, I really do. You deserve it, jolie. You deserve everything." With sadness in her voice, she thanks him. Once the call is finished, Villain puts down the template phone and tries to recompose himself. The sight of his nude daughter on top of the back of the PM room couch distracts him. "Mary, why are you riding the couch naked?" "I'm fresh out of wrecking balls." Villain grabs his car keys and heads outside, shaking his head.
Unbeknownst to him, as he moves towards his car, a peering gaze is following him around. From the pink template at the end of the portal, DisneyMeerkats, hands around a coffee mug, observes her/his/its father. If looks could kill, Villain fan would be six feet under already. Which might just be where he belongs... "Honey!" her girlfriend's voice calls out for her. Primadonna Girl comes down the stairs (do stairs have a wiki name? I forgot), her pregnant belly showing a bit more than before. "Yes sweetheart?" "Look at me!! I'm a fat shit!!" Prima starts to bawl her eyes out as she moves to place her head on Disney's shoulders. Her girlfriend comforts her: "No, honey, Devious Peep is a fat shit. You're a fat beauty. Also you're hormonal." Prima sniffles and asks her, "R-really? You think so?" "Well, actually, you were always taken with getting emotional over the smallest things, especially regarding your appearance, but... but nothing, I don't have a point. Anyway, trust me, honey, you're glowing." "Oh my God, is my skin greasy?!" "I... no, I... Honey, have you had breakfast yet? Want me to whip you up something?" "No, that's okay," Prima tells her, "I'll get the new maid to do it. Queso!!" Queso24 shows up from the PM room. "You call?" "Holy c...!" Disney is startled, "Where the hell did she come from?" "She started yesterday," Prima recounts, "You were at your 'Being a Woman 101' night class. Queso24, this is my girlfriend and the mother of my forthcoming child, DisneyMeerkats. Um, Disney is the mother, I mean, not the child. That was probably confusing for you," she turns to Disney and whispers in her ear, "Her English is very fragmented." "Vely nice to meet you, mister Disney." "Um, I'm a woman," Disney corrects her, feeling somewhat offended and insecure, but Prima reassures her she simply doesn't know what "mister" means. "Queso, can you make us some breakfast?" "Yes Primadonna mister Girl, I make you bleakfast." As she walks into the kitchen (?), her foot hits a small desk nearby and the vase upon it falls to the floor and shatters. "FOR FUCK'S SAKE, QUESO!!" Prima blurts out, "I swear to God, she keeps knocking crap over!!" "Don't woly, don't woly, me clean it long time," Queso tells her boss. Disney looks confused. "Is, is she Asian?" "I guess?" Prima shrugs her shoulders, not really caring. "Cos, her name sounds very hispanic-y," Disney makes her point. "And what the hell is I luv pll supposed to be?" Prima responds, "Maids can be all sorts of racial stereotypes rolled up into one big ball of offensive controversy." "You make a valid point, dear," Disney tells her girlfriend, before kissing her on the cheek. This relationship is one of the random-ass nonsensical things that came out of season 4 that I actually don't mind at all so you might as well ship it. But don't talk to me about the damn war.
"Wake up, sleepy head," DocMD says, with a soft voice, as she brings a tray with food to her son's navbar. She places it over the navside table and draws the curtains open to let the sunlight in. Lynette puts his pillow over his head, trying to keep it out, which causes his mother to chuckle as she takes it away from him. "I don't wanna do today," he tells her, in a morose tone. "Well, bureaucrats don't exactly get days off, and you have three wikis to run." "Can you do it for me?" She pats him on the butt through the sheet over his silly question. "Come on, sweetheart, rise and shine." "I feel like crap today," he tells her as he rolls up, "I think I might be coming down with something." "What's wrong?" she asks him, the motherly tone never abandoning her speech. "I just really have a feeling that this is going to be a bad day." Doc doesn't say anything, but he picks up on something in her look that doesn't seem pleasant. "What?" he asks. "You should have breakfast, it'll make you feel better. I made you your favorite and told your maid she could take the day off to go pamper herself."
Cut to I luv pll in a dark and dank dungeon, getting whipped by an overweight shirtless man with a mask on his face. It's nine in the morning.
"Mother, what is it?" he asks again, detecting her reluctance to address something. Doc caresses his cheek, and tells him, "Well, we might as well get it out of the way so you can go on to focus on other things. Remember to always turn the negative into a positive." "Just spit it out," he demands. "I... I was speaking with Villain over the phone earlier..." "Aaaand this story is already off to a bad start," he interrupts. She continues: "And he was telling me that... that his daughter, Lady, is marrying that young man you dislike." Lynette's eyes just... well they just "change". "Rena..." he mutters, through gritted teeth. "Yes, dear," Doc affirms, "This mustn't come as a surprise to you, haven't they been together, at least on and off, for some time now? Your relationship with that girl was over." "It never even was a relationship to begin with," Lynette lets out, getting further upset, "It was a ploy, a scheme conducted by her vile father." "Well, then, there you go, no harm done," his mother tries to appease him, "You're better off without her. You're the handsome, smooth, charming bureaucrat of three major wikis, you can have any lady you desire. Except for... um... Lady. Sorry." She looks awkward. Lynette lets himself fall back on the bed, arms spread open, letting out a frustrated sigh. "Come on, honey..." Doc tries her best, "You're stronger than this." "Oh, I know I am, mother," Lynette confirms, "But I don't have to show that just now, do I? Please, just... just let me have five more minutes..." The defeat in his voice saddens his mother, who agrees to let him be, but not before reaching down to kiss his forehead. He closes his eyes as she does so and a million thoughts go through his head, as he factors it all in. She leaves his navbar and the sun keeps shining through the window. A beautiful day has begun and it's already ruined.
Six Weeks Before the Wedding
"What?." Rena asks bluntly, an annoyed look on his handsome, handsome face (so handsome) as he enters Lynette's presidential office. The bureau himself looks up from the papers over his desk and greets the Chat Moderator with a smile. "I was starting to think you would't come. Is timeliness frowned upon in Portugal?" he jokes. "Get to the fucking point," Rena showcases further rudeness. "Right away, I can assure you," Lynette wastes no more time, "I called you here to give you the keys to the kingdom. Wiksteria Lane, to be precise. No more, no less." Rena looks confused and asks what he means, the annoyiedness (also a word, maybe) never leaving his face. Lynette explains himself: "I am overwhelmed. And underappreciated, particularly here. I have three wikis under my helm and I thought I would like to possess that much power, but it's too much weight to carry over my shoulders, so I figured I could do away with at least some portion of it. So, without further ado, I'd like for you to become the bureaucrat of Wiksteria Lane." Rena looks even more confused, and suspicious. "Dafuq?... Are you shitting me?" "Um, no, and for future reference, do try to avoid expressions such as that one in public appearances and conferences. Nobody likes a crass leader." "I can't just become a bureau, don't there have to be, like, elections and junk, or, or me working my way up the leaderboard?" "Which you have, as a matter of fact," Lynette points out, "Your contributions to that wiki as the strong arm of the law have been remarkable ever since you became a Chat Moderator. The people have placed their trust in you, and rightfully so." Rena sneers. "Do you think I'm stupid?" "God, yes, profoundly so, but whatever do you mean by that?" "You're playing me, trick! You're up to something." Lynette sighs. "Yes, I was all too prepared for you to react that way, and the fact of the matter is I have no way of properly convincing you of the veracity of my agenda, so if you are to take this job you're gonna have to do it based on a leap of faith. I am genuinely giving you control over the entire wiki; once you get it, you'll be in charge of everything. And everyone. Except me, I'll uh, I'll be over here in my cozy Lostpedia manor." "Why?... Why Wiksteria Lane? And why me? It was your first wiki, and you hate me." "I love Lady," Lynette blurts out. Rena takes a step back and clenches his fist. "I can't go on warring with you and allowing myself to hurt her any more, so take this gesture as my olive branch. Parley. As for why that wiki, well, you do live in it, and work in it, and everyone there knows, trusts and respects you. And they hate me. You've made sure of that. But the retards on my other two wikis still see me as the perfect, prim and proper leader, and I intend to maintain that image and use it to my advantage." "They still like you, even after the war?" Rena asks. "What war?" Lynette looks genuinely confused. "Um, the one you started?" "I recall no such thing ever having happened," Lynette states. "Whatever," Rena gets back on track, "So, what happens now then?" "Well, I'm gonna hand over the title of Bureaucrat to you. I am also giving you my former land on the main portal, where my template burnt down. You'll have the funds to make a new home for you and your family there." Rena doesn't know what to say anymore. Lynette reaches out his hand. Rena looks on with reluctance, but then shakes it. 
"This is awful. It's absolutely awful and I can't cope with it anymore," Primadonna Girl complains as she sips her camomile tea, "I keep putting my finger down my throat and throwing up and the belly doesn't go away and then I remember, oh yeah, I'm not actually fat, I'm knocked up!!" Gleekobsessed is forced to giggle as he sits across from her, wearing a kimono. "I have to say I love how frontal and brutally honest about being pregnant you are, sweetie. And for allowing me to be just as such with you. You're not glowing, you're an ugly, tired, fat mess." "Thank you!!" Prima says, "And by the way, the kimono? Respect. I guess you're really embracing your inner-outer fag, huh?" "Well, why the hell not?" Gleek tells his ex-wife, as they sit in the PM room of his Wiksteria Lane home, "I'm out, I'm proud and the fashion sense that I've been repressing all these years should be out and proud too. I hated those flannel pajamas I used to take to bed almost as much as I hated having sex with you." Prima laughs out loud. "You know, I know this is a sensible or sensitive or sensational topic, but that Dr. Sonya was a fucking retard for having left you, you're absolutely precious now!" Gleek smiles - the first time he's smiled upon his ex's mention since he left - and thanks her. "So how is Disney coping with the pregnancy thing?" he then asks; "Fine, I guess. She hasn't been talking much, which is wonderful because I like her best when she just listens, but it's still got me worried." "Holy crap, I think you might actually like her," Gleek taunts her, and Prima tells him, "Shut up, big dummy, you know I like her. A lot. I love her. Heck, she's the mother of my child, under circumstances I no longer remember. Pretty sure some sperm bank blew up or something. Is that how I got pregnant? Did the sperm, like, get on me or something?" "Yes, dear, that sounds very plausible," Gleek responds. "Oh wait nevermind turkey baister. Her mom got us some sperm or something, I keep saying 'something', anyway may she rest in peace." "Yeah, how did she die again?" "I dunno, gonorrhea? So, what exactly are you gonna do, like, professionally, now? I mean, you still gotta pay my spousal support but you're kinda broke now and that sounds like a 'me' problem." "Well, I hear Renaboss has just been made the new bureau of this wiki, which leaves his position open at the Mod Station, so I was..." "Holy crap you wanna be the new Mod?!" "I'm sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours? It won't happen again." "It better not." "Yes, I wanna be the new Moderator. Why not? I'm fit, I'm smart, I'm used to high-pressure stakes and I'm clearly leadership material." "Well, I support your decision, just like you've supported my decision to become pregnant," Prima tells him. "So, you also think my decision is stupid and random as fuck then?" Prima laughs; he joins her in laughter and they reach out their tea mugs to clink them in a toast to their fabulosity.
As the ring slides up (down?) her finger, Jdg98 smiles with pride. "So, it's not an engagement ring?" Mary asks for further confirmation, as they sit on a bench over at Wiksteria Park, in front of the playground. "No, and it's obviously not a wedding ring either. It doesn't come with any strings, it's just a gift." "Well, it's hard not to associate rings with commitment, but sure, I'll bite." He musters up the courage to tell her what follows: "Mary, I just... I really like you, and we've had... I don't know, 'something' going on between us since you came to the lane, but we haven't really had a chance to work on it, what with me being arrested and then leaving for a while and all the disasters and calamities and deaths and the war and me getting shot and hospitalized and, well, you being a massive, massive slut. No offense." "None taken, I take pride in what I do." "Good for you. But, now, things have calmed down, we have grown up and matured, and, well... I have some big news. Rena has just made me the new Chat Mod of Wiksteria Lane, so, I'm gonna have my own income, finally be able to provide for myself and maintain my old home on my own. I'll be the kind of man you deserve, to look after you. N-not that you need anyone to look after you, of course, goes without saying. And since you've been seeing that therapist at that... wherever you were, I'm sure your libido is under tighter control now. The odds are finally working to our advantage, so... let's just run with it. Give 'us' another try." Mary smiles, slightly moved by his genuine interest in being with her, something she's not accostumed to. "Sure," she says, "Why not?" He smiles, feeling a bit more relieved now. "Want me to suck you off under the slide?" she asks. "Boy do I!"
Sannse gazes at a parakeet inside its cage, out in one of the exterior gardens of the Staff Headquarters. She hums to it, but gets no response from the small feathered creature. Rappy 4187 comes up to her and asks her how she's feeling. Sannse tells him she feels perfectly fine, stronger than ever, meaning the spell they performed to extract some of Lady Junky's life force and infuse it into her worked wonders. "Marvellous," Rappy comments, but then he notices the sad look on her face, "So why is my pet so sullen?" "My parakeet refuses to sing. I try to duet with it but it's to no avail," she answers, in her English accent, "I do believe it's sad and its sadness saddens me. It's infectious. Like yawning. And herpes." "Well of course it's sad, dear," Rappy tells his wife, "It's trapped. Parakeets only sing when they're happy, and they're only happy when they're free." "Should I set it free then?" Sannse wonders. "If you must." Sannse thinks about it for a while. Then she lets out of a hint of a smile as she reaches to open the door of the cage. She sticks the hand inside, grabs the bird, and puts it whole in her mouth. The creature screeches with pain as she bites down on it, its blood starting to drip down her chin, and Sannse feels titillated to hear its screams and satiated by its taste. Rappy smiles with pride. The female Staff member, now less pale than before and yet somehow as white as a ghost still, turns to him and wraps her arms around his neck. They kiss. As they do, their tongues meet, and bits of the bitten bird make their way to Rappy's mouth, as though Sannse is a mother bird feeding her child. Once they break off the passionate making-out, complete with transmissal of bird bits, she tells him: "I thought of setting it free, and letting it fly. But then I thought... I didn't think, I just ate." Rappy kisses her rosy lips again, licking the blood off of them. "I miss flying..." she lets out once the kiss is over. "I know you do," he replies, "But we'll be flying high and mighty once we get what we want, dear. Once we turn the entire world into wikia, and make ourselves its sole rulers. Can you imagine?" "Yesssss..." she hisses, "I see so many things. Wondrous things. I shall rule Hell. I shall call it home. The Devil himself will tremble before me." "That's my girl..." They kiss again. "Now, things have already been set into motion," he says, "But we have to be careful. Lynettefan is no longer on our side, and whether we liked it or not, he was a resourceful ally. And my brother already knows who the man behind the curtain really is. He's gonna try and stop us." "Yes, he's going to 'try'..." Sannse lets out before a loud squeal. Rappy giggles with her and then for no apparent reason they twirl around, in each other's arms. He picks her up and she bends her feminine legs in the air as they finish twirling. "I love you"s are exchanged. "I must leave now," Sannse says once he puts her back down, "I am in the midst of potty-training Miss Edith." As she walks away, Rappy shakes his head, smiling, and asking himself, "Why are crazy chicks so hot?" 
Four Weeks Before the Wedding
Rena can't help but let one small tear stream down his face as he looks at Jdg98 with the Chat Mod get-up, complete with a badge on his chest, a gun and a taser. And a cute hat. "Dude, are you crying? Seriously?" Jdg messes with him, and Rena just chuckles and moves to hug his protegé, before taking off his hat and messing his hair. "Hey, that's a criminal offense!! Probably, I have yet to get a full grip on all that crap." Rena laughs and places the hat back on his head as he tells him, "Don't worry, you'll get the hang of it." Mary shows up at the station bringing them a snack, and tells her boyfriend that she looks hot. "Now," Rena goes on to say, "I do believe you could use some help. Gleekobsessed applied to become the new Chat Mod, but of course I had to pass the torch on to you. I know it's unconventional because of your age, but you've been an exception to the rules forever anyway. And there's no one else I could trust as much with this position. Still, and even though I think Gleek might find it awkward to work under you, I figured we could offer to deputize him. Make it work as a true partnership of sorts." Jdg looks awkward, not knowing how to reveal some ugly truth to his best friend. "Actually, um... I have already got three new deputies." Rena's eyes get buggy. "What?! Dafuq?!" "Yeah, sorry..." Jdg apologizes, "It was, um... well, one of them really twisted my arm." "Damn rite I did!" Devious Peep makes herself appear, followed by I luv pll and WerriGleek117, all of them sporting badges and caps similar to Jdg's. Rena slaps his own forehead, before doing the same to Jdg's. "She's very insistant! And scary..." the kid reveals. "And just like that I regret my decision," Rena admits, looking angry. Mary is amused by the presence of her friends, and says, "Well if it isn't the thick blue line. So you all are gonna be on the good side of the law now?" "Yeah, I figured the best way to get the pigs off ma ass would be to become a pig maself," Peep answers, "And I brought ma best gurls along wiv me, d'uh! You can call us Charlie's Angels. Charlie is ma pimp." "Oh damn girl you know Charlie?!" Mary asks. "Every inch," Peep replies. They high-five each other. "Wikia's doomed," Rena comments, arms crossed. Jdg looks down.
"This one?" Lady Junky asks as she tries on the nth wedding dress at the bridal store. MaryPierceLopez, DisneyMeerkats and Primadonna Girl don't seem to like it. Lady sighs and comments, "I wish QuinnQuinn still lived. She will know what dress was best right away." "Yeah, well, that selfish cow had the nerve to get hit by a big-ass Virgin Mary, and you should take it personally," Mary responds as she helps her sister out of the dress, "Marys who are virgins suck and I always maintained that." Prima admires Lady's toned physique and feels sick with envy. "I need to find a bathroom," she says as she gets up, feeling the need to stick her finger in her throat again. The others just presume she has to pee a lot like all pregnant women apparently do. "I don't believe it," Lady says, starting to get anxious, "The wedding is in one month and I have any dress to wear!" "Well, if only you considered my suggestion..." "Mary, I am not getting naked married!" "Why the hell not?! You've got a hot bod. If you got it, flaunt it." "I have to admit," Disney speaks up, "I'm not great at this. The man in me does not have a lot of patience to put up with these spectacles of trying on dresses." "Then hit the road, Jack," Mary spits at her, before turning to Lady, "See, I told you not to invite her to be your bridesmaid, but for some reason my opinion is always ignored by you." Disney tells her, "Well, that's probably because no one can pay attention to anything you're saying due to the overwhelming smell of dick coming out of your mouth." "Would that be the dick you used to have and have apparently misplaced?" Mary fires back. "Ladies!!" Lady comes in between, "This is no time for fights. I need a dress, a good dress, so get me it!" Disney gets up from her seat and she and Mary rush to roam the store in search of more dresses. "You'd think there'd be another clerk to help us," Disney comments, to which Mary says, "Well, maybe we wouldn't be stuck in the lurch if your girlfriend hadn't beat up the only clerk for asking when the baby was due and taking that to mean that she was so fat that she looked pregnant, only to then remember that she is indeed pregnant." "My girl's an airhead and that's part of her charm," Disney states. Lady ignores their talk completely when her phone starts ringing. "Yes? Hello. ... Oh. But, you don't... No, you don't have to do that. But... Okay. Merci." She hangs up after the awkward talk. Mary asks who it was, to which Lady answers, "It was our father." Disney's attention is also caught by this. Lady and Mary remain oblivious to how Lady's last sentence could apply to all three women in the room. Lady continues: "He said that... that he has already hired the most fashionable wedding gown designer in Paris to work on my dress, and I should be getting it soon. He heard of I luv pll that we would be shopping dresses today and didn't want me to waste my badges." Mary smiles and says, "Well that was nice of him." Lady just looks guilty. And Disney looks slightly aggravated: "Yes... very nice."
Lynettefan looks extremely confused as his maid stands before him in his office. "...You're quitting your job as my maid to become the new Deputy Moderator of Wiksteria Lane." "Sí," Pll confirms. "Well fuck me in the ass with a working blowtorch... This is just... nifty." "I try and get new maid for you, give recommendation. In the mean time your mother can clean template since she like to do it anyway and say I miss spots. Bitch." Lynette closes his eyes and sighs. "Fine. Fine, fine, fine!, that's all very fine, just, well, you know where the door is, Pll, you can help yourself out." "I do that," Pll says, "Oh, you have a guest to see, he can come in after I leave." "Fine," Lynette spews out, trying to focus back on his tasks. "Oh, one more thing," Pll starts to say, but an irate Lynette tells her, "Pll, I am having a really shitty day and you just added your resignation to top it all off, if you tell me that I am out of Lemon Pledge I might just throw a vase at you and then I'll have no one to clean it up!" "I go," Pll says, before exiting the office. Lynette slams both his fists into his desk. And then a strapping young man makes himself appear, entering the office. "Good afternoon, Mr. President. My name is Station7." "Do we have a meeting scheduled?" "No, we do not, Mr. President," the young man answers, "Because you have no secretary that I could contact to set up a meeting with. And that's precisely what brought me here today: I would like to become your new secretary. Here are my recommendations, attached to my CV, of course." He puts down a relatively thick folder on the desk, and Lynette doesn't look like he can be arsed with it (neither can I). "You're hired," he says, catching the man by surprise. "Oh. R-really?" "Yes, you can start right now, take the tiny office next door. Direct no calls to me today, I don't have the time or the patience to put up with anything more, I'm swamped with work." "Noted, sir. I won't." Station7 picks up his folder again and leaves the office. As he enters his own workroom, he starts to text someone: "I'm in! You were right, it was super easy." He then opens his folder and leafs through the blank pages, smiling deviously.
Back at Staff Headquarters, Rappy receives the text and smiles. He texts back: "My baby is never wrong... ;) Now get to work." He then goes back to admiring his lovely wife as she plants full-grown potatoes back in the earth because they're not quite plump yet. 
Two Weeks Before the Wedding
Gleekobsessed twiddles his thumbs as he sits in his doctor's office, waiting for him to come back with the results of his routinely check-up. Everthevillain, his family doctor, finally shows up. "Sorry it took me so long, I was discussing some aspects of your results with a few co-workers." Gleek tells him that's okay, and asks if everything is fine. As the doctor sits down, he asks how his patient has been doing. "Fine, I suppose," Gleek answers, "Professionally, I could say that I have obviously been far better. From a wiki's bureau to aggressively unemployed, my career has taken quite the blow. Personally, I can't complain much. I'm getting over my recent break-up and fully embracing the fun that is the gay lifestyle." "Well, I'm afraid that has come with consequences," Ever says. "Pardon?" Gleek asks, confused. "I have bad news for you, Gleek. I'm sorry to tell you, but... you have AIDS. The gay disease." Gleek's jaw drops.
Villain fan exits his template in the morning and gets into his car. I do not know where he's going, pretty sure the man doesn't have a job. He sure is filthy rich, though. Once more, DisneyMeerkats observes her father leaving the lane, as she does, every morning, hands around her warm coffee mug, hatred in her eyes. Primadonna Girl enters the kitchen, yawning, her stomach even more rotund, and asks what's for breakfast. Disney doesn't answer, not even acknowledging her presence. "Weiner the Pooh? Honey? What's wrong?" Getting no response, Prima moves towards her girlfriend, places one hand over her shoulder. The agitated Disney is startled and drops her mug as she instinctively turns around and grabs Prima's wrist. The mug shatters on the floor. "I-I'm sorry..." Disney apologizes. "Are you okay?" Prima wonders, worried for her lover's sake. "I, I didn't get much sleep last night, I don't... I'm sorry." Disney sits down at the table. "Alright..." Prima says, still looking concerned, before shouting, "Queso! Get your ass in the kitchen and come lick this up! I mean pick this up! I mean, no, yeah, the first one, it ought to amuse me more." As she waits for the maid to come, Prima sits in front of her girlfriend, whose hands are trembling. "This isn't just a today thing, you've been on edge for the longest time. Since your mom died. So please, just tell me what's wrong and how I can help." Disney looks up at her, taking in this unprecedented moment, and almost cracks a smile. "I'll get over it. I promise." "Her dying?" "...Yeah." Prima catches on that there's something else troubling her. "Disney, how did she die? Because, I'm usually oblivious to the bullshit people try to feed me because I have a natural filter, but I could tell you were lying through your teeth when you told me her cause of death. I just didn't care to ask for the truth." Disney sighs, before finally admitting, "Okay, fine, I... Oh God, I don't even know where to begin, but... my father killed her. He shot her in the stomach." She gets no discernible reaction from Prima, who simply says, "I see. Who's your father now?" "It's um... It's Villain fan." Now Prima looks surprised. "Wait, did I know that?" "No, you didn't." "Oh, phew," Prima shows relief, "I figured maybe I'd forgotten about it and it seems like a relatively big deal so I didn't want you to be upset with me about not remembering. You know me, I have a very selective memory. I tend to forget most things that aren't about me. And yet I never seem to forget you used to have a penis. Nope, that's one nugget of information my brain justs insists on retaining." "Anyway," Disney continues, "Villain fan and my mother apparently had a great deal of complicated history, and it all led up to him killing her viciously. And now I... I just..." "You wanna make justice happen by your own means and paint the walls red with his blood?" Prima finishes her thought, surprising her. "Cos it sounds like fun!" Prima continues, "How can I help?" Disney doesn't know how to react.
Villain fan waits alone in a relatively dark room, staring at the blueprints of the Staff Headquarters, plastered on the table he's standing over. Gleekobsessed joins him soon enough, opening the door and letting himself in. "Sorry I'm late, I... just came from the doctors." "That's fine," Villain tells him, "Have a seat." As he does so, Gleek asks his new partner-in-crime if he's managed to look over the blueprints he sent them, before quickly noticing he has. "Indeed," Villain answers, "Soon enough, we should be able to concoct a plan to go inside again, with a better notion of where everything is. I just wanna wait for this whole wedding thing to be over and done with. I could use Rena's help, but he and my Lady deserve some time of joy. I've put them through enough already." "I just worry that the more time we take, the more time we're giving Staff to work on whatever plan they want to exact," Gleek comments. "I'm not too worried just yet, even though, yes, things have been quiet for some time. My brother is cooking up something. And knowing him the way I do, or rather, did, it won't be good. But we have something on our side they don't." "What's that?" Gleek wonders, to which Villain tells him: "Heaven."
"You look so beautiful..." Renaboss lets out, almost without thinking about it, as he peeks at his wife-to-be as she tries on the wedding dress her father has ordered for her. "Rena!!" Lady Junky instinctively throws the empty box the dress came in at him, and he protects himself with his arms and giggles. "What are you doing?!" she basically screams, "What are you doing?!" "Whoa, calm down," he says as he moves towards her, joining her next to the boudoir and putting his arms around hers as she tells him, "It's bad luck! It's much bad luck, you are going to ruin everything!!" He tells her to calm down once more, commenting that silly superstitions don't matter. "It does! It matters to me, you know it does," she lets out, "Why would you do this? Why?!" He tries to get her to hush, as gently as possibly, but she goes on ranting: "We've been through so much!!... Such bad things, again and again and again and again, why do anything that might make it worse?! I don't care if it's superstitions, you didn't need to do this, we don't need to do nothing that could maybe make our lives more difficult than they are!" "I'm sorry..." he tells her, finally, "I was just being curious and playful and in the meantime I was inconsiderate and childish. I'm sorry." "Are you really sorry you did it, or just sorry because I'm upset?" "Because you're upset, of course," he confesses, further upsetting her, and before adding, "Because the last thing I want is to ever upset you again. And I'm sorry that my recklessness still manages to sometimes." Touched, she backs down a tad: "Maybe... maybe I reacted over again." He chuckles and kisses her softly. "Je t'aime..." she tells him; "Moi, non plus," he answers. "What?" She looks confused. "Isn't that how the song goes?" he wonders, "You know, the one with all the french sex in it?" "You just said, 'me neither'", she explains. "Oh. What the fuck then? Anyway, yeah, je t'aime too." They smile and kiss again. 
The Wedding
The big moment has arrived. Renaboss and Lady Junky stand facing one another at the altar. MaryPierceLopez, DisneyMeerkats and Devious Peep take their places in succession behind Lady, as her bouncing bridesmaids. Behind Rena, Jdg98, Gleekobsessed (lol) and Camsay (lmfao rofl pmsl) pose as his groomsmen. For a while there, Camsay tried to convince DisneyMeerkats to trade places because he'd look better than she does in the lavender gown, and because everyone refers to her as a man anyway, but Disney forbade it. But at this moment, everyone has forgotten all about their quarrels and hard feelings. Love truly is in the air, and there's not a single soul in presence unaffected by it. In the pews, sit most of the people of Wiksteria Lane whom Rena and Lady have served over the years as the former Chat Mod and First Lady, ready to share in their love. Amongst them sit Primadonna Girl (oh so curvy), I luv pll (why isn't she a bridesmaid?), and... that's it for name characters. And I thought the cast was so big... As the priest, Metroid101, starts to talk, you can hear DoctorStrange's voice over his moving lips.
Rena and Lady hold their hands; it isn't customary, but they don't care. He grabs her delicate gloved hands as they hold the bouquet.
Yadda yadda, let's skim through this, show only the meaningful bits.
Devious Peep, by this point, has been moved to tears. Her heart melted, she addresses the entire audience. "If any damn fool ruins dis perfect day rite now I'ma mutilate yo genitalia!" Nobody speaks up. "Good. Good," she says, and the ceremony proceeds as she blows her nose on Disney's shoulder strap. 
They both nod. Lady goes first. She starts to read the vows that Mary helped her write, to make sure the english was good. Her famed thick french accent still comes through all the while, however.
Rena chuckles, as does everyone else in attendance.
Rena is forced to let go of her hands briefly as he needs to wipe a tear away.
Rena is forced to wipe a single tear that crept up on the corner of his right eye. The priest signals that it's his turn and he takes out his notes. "I, I wrote a poem." Devious Peep throws her hands up: "Well fuck dis shit, I'm out." Eleven people get off from their seats and proceed to leave, but Mary stops Peep from going as well. Rena starts to read, as people sigh with frustration.
"Okay, not that bad a beginning..." Jdg says.
"Well I just barfed in my mouth," Cam comments; "My brain stopped working after 'beautifulest'..." Gleek adds.
"Well that's just fucking lazy," Disney says.
"He's just grasping at rhymes..." Jdg says, mouth agape, "What a dunce..." "He pays her with dimes?!" Peep asks, confused, "Is she a hoe? Or does she jus' look lyk a hoe?"
"Even I know that doesn't rhyme and I'm pretty fucking stupid," says Prima. "Lord, if you make it stop, I'll never have sex again," Mary promises. The priest intervenes: "For fuck's sake, son, can that!" "But I am only one quarter of the way through," Rena pleads; "Well send the rest of the poem to Hell where it belongs," the priest tells him. "I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride." Rena and a very touched, teary-eyed Lady kiss on the lips. Mary looks up at the church's ceiling and says, "Bitch, please, like you're even real." Rena and Lady break off their kiss after about twenty seconds of just straight-up sucking each other's faces. "We're married..." Rena points out, "We're really married." Lady giggles. They begin to walk out of the church. Everyone throws rice at them because fuck the pidgeons nobody likes them anyway. Oh and Google says that rumor is false.
Lynettefan2626 watches as everyone leaves the church together, throwing rice at the newly-wed bride and groom, in a swirl of joy. The sadness within him is almost too hard to stomach. "She's never looked more beautiful..." an all-too-familiar and highly despised voice says near him, "This is probably all the harder for you to hear, given that it isn't the first time she's put on a wedding gown, and the first time she did it for you... but it's true. She's the most beautiful girl in the world, and she's never looked more beautiful than she does right now," Villain fan finishes.
Villain sits on the bench where Lynette is found, on Wiksteria Park. Lynette takes a few seconds to muster up the strength to even address his sworn enemy, but can't bring himself to just stay quiet: "You have a lot of nerve approaching me. On a day like this." "She shunned me out too. My little girl, on her big day. I paid for everything, of course, I wouldn't have it any other way, and I completely understand, respect, and even applaud her decision. I don't deserve to be there, not after everything I've done to her. To them. To you." This strikes a chord within Lynette. "But understanding it doesn't make it hurt any less," the middle-aged man continues, "I did this to myself, I brought on this sadness, this disappointment, this loneliness... all by myself. And I don't even know how to begin to make it better, to do right by what I did wrong." Lynette hangs on every word. Villain turns to face him, hands in his pockets, and says, "To the point I almost don't want to..." Lynette feels a sudden chill. "What do you want?" he asks, gritting his teeth. "That's just the thing, I don't know. I want to be with my family. Do right by my daughters, all of them, alive and deceased. I want to stop my brother from taking over and doing, whatever it is he wants to do." (Lynette looks confused by this) "I want another chance with Doc... I want to be the kind of man a woman like her deserves." Lynette looks disgusted. "And I want to stop you," Villain emphasizes, again facing Lynette, "Because I'm fairly certain you're the greatest monster I've ever created and I am deathly afraid of what you might go on to do." Lynette looks unfazed. "If that's supposed to scare me..." "No, son, you don't understand," Villain explains, "I'm not threatening you. That's not at all what I came here to do. You asked me a question, I answered as genuinely and honestly as I possibly could. I think that the days ahead of us are gonna be horrible. Utterly, utterly horrible. Good people are gonna die, and there's no guarantee that they'll take the bad guys with them. A bigger war is about to break out, and you and I will be caught in the middle of it all, as per usual. I can almost feel the end coming... and it scares me. It scares me so because I know there's no happy ending in it for me. And the only thing that..." He pauses. Lynette almost looks anxious to know what he's gonna say next. "The only thing that soothes me, that keeps me going, is the belief that... you're going down with me. If not before, if not at the same time, then after. You won't get your happy ending either. I can just... feel it. And that's why I came. Because this is a joyous day, for almost everyone we know. Everyone whose lives we've touched, more negatively than positively. They're happy, for the time being. We are not. Because we don't deserve to be." Lynette almost tears up, but his pride and hatred do their best to keep that from happening. Villain finishes: "And I didn't wanna be alone with that feeling..." This said, the both of them keep looking at what's in front of them: the wedding party, celebrating the perfect day. And then the church blows up.
The wedding attendants all stare with open-eyed-and-mouthed shock. "Did I... did I do that?" Devious Peep wonders, "Cuz if I did, I'm sorrayyyy..."
"Did the church just blow up?" Lynette asks, not really believing his eyes. "Yes," Villain answers. "Well that's original."
"Why did you do it?" Sannse asks, lying down on her bed in her dark, musty navbar, cradling Miss Edith in her arms, as Rappy walks in. "I just love little throwbacks. It's the beginning of the end, darling. I figured it was fitting." "They all made it out safely," his wife comments, to which he says, "I know, I waited. I want them all to know I can just take their lives whenever I want to, and if I don't, it's because I choose not to." "That's so deliciously wicked..." she tells him, as an eerie smile forms in her face. He leans over to kiss her. Miss Edith lets out an emotional blood tear as her parents express their love for one another.
The Reception
Renaboss and Lady Junky dance with one another, her dress lifted up on the side by both his hand and hers, as a string quartet plays a beautiful instrumental number in the background. They find themselves at the center of the ballroom in a lavish restaurant on Wiksteria Lane. Every guest that attended the wedding looks on, smiling, as the newlywed couple waltzes graciously, as though they're dancing on air. Lady looks guilty, though. "Did we do the right thing... walking away from the church to here?" Rena smiles comfortingly at her, reminding her that no one was even slightly injured in the implosion, and that it's not like they have to pay for the church to be rebuilt themselves. "Oh, wait. I'm the Bureaucrat now," he suddenly remembers, "Yep, that shit's prolly gonna be a thorn in my side." Lady giggles. "Anyway, how does it feel officially becoming the First Lady of Wiksteria Lane?" "Feels nice. Only surpassed by the feeling of being your wife." They kiss mid-dance. Collective "Ooo"s and "Ahh"s are heard, as is a loud "Now grab dat ass and slap ittt!!" "The reporters are gonna say on TV and the papers that their president didn't even care about the church and just moved on to party," Lady deduces; "And yet I find myself not caring one bit. For the time being and forevermore, all I'll ever care about is you. And making you happy." They kiss again. "Ooo..." "Ahh..." "Dat oughta do et fo' da spank bank." Post-kiss, they stare into each other's eyes and she tells him, "I am happy. I am so happy."
Lynettefan2626 opens the door to his template over at the Lostpedia and walks in, immediately heading towards the PM room, where his mother can be seen reading a romantic novel on the sofa. The image of the newlywed couple on the front cover triggers something within him and he immediately starts crying. Falling to his knees, his presence finally alarms DocMD, who gets up from out of the couch and rushes towards him. Taking him in her arms, she asks what is wrong. "I am so unhappy."
Jdg98 stands on a small stage next to the dancing quad and speaks to the microphone: "Ladies and gentlemen and whatever the hell DisneyMeerkats is, we are proud to present the one, the only, the unimitable Taylor Alison Swift!!" The country-pop starlet makes her way to the stage, where her band has already set up, and talks to the microphone. "As I'm sure you all know, Renaboss has been my very best friend since he first came to Wiksteria Lane. I was the first person he ever met, and we've been BFFs ever since. Today, I would like to dedicate this song, which came out last night and is already #1 on the Billboard Hot 100, to him. To our dear Rena."
The crowd goes wild as the most beloved singing sensation in all of wikia puts on a rockin' show. Devious Peep loses her cool, emptying her wallet and everyone else's wallets and throwing the badges at her. "I LUH YA! I LUH YA SOOO MUCH! TAKE ALL MA MONEY!!" Rena and Lady start getting down and heavy to their new favorite jam. And then Devious Peep storms on stage to try and infuse the song with what she feels is a much-needed rap verse but her larger-than-life hips end up knocking Taylor Swift from off the stage. The music comes to a halt and everyone boos the large negro. Rena slaps his forehead and Lady goes back to praying for smiteness with her eyes closed. Even Mary looks annoyed at her BFF. "Peep, do you always have to cause a scene?" "Of course she does," Prima intervenes, "It's a bear's necessity." Peep comes back down from the stage, annoyed as all-get-out, and starts heading in Prima's direction, "Bitch wot da damn hell is yo problem? Why you gotta go outta yo way to get in mine? Ain't nobody likes you, why iz you even here?" "Well, I'd ask you that as well, but the way you're built you're everywhere at once." "How bout I put ma fist to yo face and apply mo' make-up on ya?" Peep fires; "How 'bout I shove my Manolo Blahnik up your ass and give your insides some style?!" Prima replies. Mary tries to come between them, "Girls, this is a special day and you're ruining it, go be bitches at the dog pound!" Prima turns her attention to Mary now: "Oh look, it's public enema number one trying to be relevant again. Where were you when I needed my car parked, chica?" "I was getting a coat hanger to make you skinny and pretty again, cunt!" "Speaking of," Prima lashes at her again, "You are to come nowhere near my future child with your STDs by the barrelful! You look like the type to get billed by the free clinic!" "Are you sure you're gonna even give birth to a child?" Mary asks, "Not a big bucket of vapid evil?" "Say what you will, puta, but in a few months' time I'll be putting my kid to sleep and you'll still be wiping your kids off your face every night." "Anyone say wipe?" Pll comes in, "I bring Lemon Pledge from home." "Oh, goody, it's the help," Prima says, "Can you sweep these turds up and bin them?" "Hey!" Pll looks offended, "Why you gotta be so rude? Can'tchu see I'm human too?" "Yeah, Pll is da bomb, don't be mean to her!!" Werri jumps in, which, of course, makes her Prima's target: "Back the hell off! You smell like Africa, and just 'cause I'm rich and beautiful don't mean I'm Angelina Jolie so don't come anywhere near me." "Rich? Girl get yo life," Peep says, "Youz livin' la vida broka and we all know it! I'd slap ya but I don't want any mo' abortion blood on ma hands," Peep comes back on. "I'd slap you, but that'd be animal abuse," Prima replies. "Maybe I shud abortcho damn baby, God knows the world would be better off if yo seed was wiped from it!!" "Me wipe?" Pll asks, to which Werri just shushes her. Prima continues aiming at Peep: "Beast, don't shake my baby, in a few years it's gonna own your life!" Peep grabs Mary's hand and slaps Prima's face with it. "I bitch-slap a bitch wiv anudda bitch's hand cos I be da boss bitch!" she then says. Prima grabs a fish knife and gets ready to charge but famed TV host Edie Rothwell fan7, there to do a special on the new bureau's wedding, cuts in. "Enough! Enough! Ladies, that is enough! Save it for the pilot episode!!" "The pilot wha now?!" Peep asks, confused. "You have put on the most captivating, delicious, titillating showcase of women shading one another that I've ever seen in my life, and I did a DVD extra for Desperate Housewives." She takes out a contract and hands it for the five women to sign. They all do. "What did we just sign?" Mary asks; "A binding agreement to film a 6-episode season of the new hit reality show, Ratchet Housewives of Wiksteria Lane. It's gonna be a ratings smash!" They all look excited; meanwhile, the other wedding guests just remain with shocked and confused looks on their faces. The ones not playing Angry Birds on their phones, anyway. "I'll be in touch with you, and will send you the shooting schedules to your e-mails." "Cool," Prima responds, "I'll just have to coordinate that with the other thing I have going on in my life, helping my girlfriend kill her father." Disney slaps her own forehead. "Thanks a bunch, cousin," Peep shows appreciation to Edie; "Wait, you're cousins?" Mary asks, confused. "Yeah?" Peep says; "Of course we are," Edie replies; "Erryboday knows all blacks iz related," Peep adds; "It's just basic math," Edie finishes. "I'm fairly certain that contradicts previously established facts but my vagina is itchy so that's gonna be what I'll focus on now," Mary states.
Gleek laughs lowly and starts muttering under his breath, holding a glass of scotch: "Of course everything turns up well for them. Bitches get together and cause a commotion and end up with a contract to be on TV. If I ever got just one teensy bit out of line, they'd prolly throw me out." "Are you talking to me?" Camsay asks, "I thought you hated me for sleeping with Dr. Sonya. Or, did I sleep with you and Dr. Sonya hated me for that? I honestly forgot." (Lol) "I mean, a kid?! A motherfucking, diaper-wearing, tit-sucking kid is gonna be the new Chat Mod? And they expect me to work for him?! Has the entire wikia gone mad?" "Sooooooo..." Cam suggests, "Wanna rim me?" "I just can't believe it! The nerve on those people! I would have made a great Chat Moderator! I know how to be an authority figure, for fuck's sake, I led an entire wiki for years! Until of course, they all became a part of my life. Why am I even here? Lynette ruined my life and then he hands a wiki to Renaboss. Shouldn't I be the one he makes it up to?!" Cam tries to justify just this: "I think their shared history is a bit more..." "And now I'm sick... I mean for crying out loud, even my obnoxious ex-wife has a stable relationship and a baby on the way, and I'm left here with no one to care for who cares for me!" "That's an interesting trail of thought you have going there." "I need to piss," Gleek says as he stands up. "Ooh, want help with that?" Cam wonders. As Gleek gets up, we see that the tablecloth is jammed in his pants' zipper and he takes it and everything on top of it with him as he walks away, getting all sorts of food and beverages to spill on the floor and on Camsay's lap. He shrieks like a bitch, as everyone else claps sarcastically. "It figures," Gleek says, looking even more annoyed, as he then proceeds to down what remained of his drink, that he was apparently gonna take to the bathroom with him.
“Honey, we need better friends. Should I… should I just let the baddies of wikia kill them all?” Rena asks his wife, who giggles in response. “I guess I get better at denial. Just ignore everyone. Dance with me.” Said and done.
Villain fan arrives home and puts his keys on the little table by the doorside. He takes off his coat and hangs it on the rack, then heading downstairs to the (=basement). Down there, he turns on a dim light and we see the taskbar covered with newspaper clippings, notes and photographs – namely, those of Renaboss, Lynettefan2626, Lady Junky, Gleekobsessed, Jdg98, MaryPierceLopez, Rappy 4187, Sannse and DisneyMeerkats. The pictures of Lynette, Rappy and Sannse have red circles around their heads. Blueprints and maps are found on a tiny desk under the mural he’s put up, and Villain moves to open the only drawer the old desk has, which requires some force, for it’s rusty. From it he takes a Ouija board and places it over the maps on the surface of the desk. “Alright, Doc,” he says, “You better pick up.”
The Honeymoon
Rena and Lady have sooooooooooooooo much sex. 
Married Life
The Bureaucrat and First Lady of Wiksteria Lane walk hand-in-hand as they strut through the halls of the Chatroom, Rena holding a folder under his left arm, and they make it to the auditorium, where the named residents of the Lane (Villain, Jdg, Gleek, Mary, Prima, Disney, Pll, Peep, Cam, Werri and Matt), as well as big gathering of nameless, faceless extras, can all be found, awaiting them. Once they are there, Villain approaches them. He hugs Lady, both tenderly and awkwardly, and asks them how their honeymoon went. “We had a lot of sex,” Rena answers, a stern look on his face. Villain doesn’t know how to react, and Lady just feels embarrassed for the both of them. “Anyway,” Villain tries to detract from this, “Are you ready?” “As ready as I’ll ever be,” Rena answers. He assumes his position before the podium as everyone sits. Still. Quietly. Waiting. “Boooooooooooooring!” Peep lets out, only to be met by a wave of shushing. Then, the doors to the auditorium open again, and in walks Rappy 4187, the head of Staff, a wicked grin sitting permanently on his face. “Well, well, well… Was I fashionably late?” he asks, as he walks slowly towards the front of the room. “If you can call what you’re wearing ‘fashionable’,” Prima comments, “Tweed is so 1960s and not in a retro-chic, Twiggy way. You might know all about expanding evil empires but I could give you a couple fashion tips.” “I could give you a punch to the face,” Rena says. “I could give you a blowjob,” Mary joins in. Upon a resentful look from Jdg, she apologizes meekly. “Old habits blow hard…” Rappy’s gaze lands upon Villain fan, but no pleasantries are exchanged between them. “You mind telling me why I was called here?” Rappy asks Rena, but still fixated on Villain. “Yes, let us not waste any more time,” Rena cuts to the chase, “You were brought here to witness first-hand the emancipation of Wiksteria Lane.” Rappy looks confused. “Pardon?” he asks, and Rena opens his folder over the podium and takes out a copy of the referendum with which he proposed that Wiksteria Lane should leave the Wikian Union (that’s been a thing since the beginning, you just didn’t know because you’re dumb), undersigned by everyone who’s a resident of Wiksteria Lane. “Typically, these things are handled with anonymous voting. But after our polling results came in, we realized there was no need for such a thing. The people wanted their voices to be heard and known, and their faces and names associated with their voices. We are done. The whole of Wiksteria Lane is done being subjected to your command. To your scrutiny. From this moment on, we are an independent wiki, the first one since you started this whole project. Free from you.” “You can’t do this…” Rappy says, through gritted teeth. “Watch me,” Rena provokes him further, “I am now officially the law of the land. Every power of Wiksteria Lane is concentrated in me. Yet funnily enough, I didn’t have to make a single change or resort to any technicality to make this happen. You yourself granted us these rights when you created the Wikia Terms of Use.” “That was a shitload of bullcrap I just spurted to make people think they had any privileges!” “The law is the law,” Rena tells him, “Make of this what you will, but we no longer answer to Staff. We make our own rules now.” “Yeah!” Peep shouts, “So you best be damn sure we’z gon share porn in chat, swear and cuss and offend and steal content and not cite authors and use erryboday else’s names in our fan-fictions and der ain’t a damn thing you pussy-ass honky tonk douche can do bout it!!!” No one knows or cares what she’s talking about. Rappy tears up the referendum and Rena just smiles at this. “That would be one of the tens of copies we’ve made, one of which has already been physically mailed to your Headquarters. I am fairly certain what you’ve just done is illegal and in no way unbinding. But hey, I’m still cozying up to this new job.” Rappy gets all up in his face, their noses actually touching: “You think you’re smart, boy? You think you can just go home and pat yourself on the back over a job well done? You’ve crossed a line you never should have even come close to. All of the wikis and everyone in them belong to me!!” “Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the head of Wikia Staff,” Rena taunts, as he starts to clap. Met with disapproving looks from everyone in the auditorium, Rappy grows even more aggravated. Back in Rena’s face, he says, “You better get a protection shield.” “You better get a breath mint.” “I swear to God, I will end you, and make sure it’s not even the last thing I do. After that, I will take the entire world by storm and make it wikia, I swear to Satan. But first things first, you, all of these idiots and especially that whore of yours are going to die!!” Rena immediately punches the evil man in the jaw, and Rappy falls to the floor. As he gets back up on his feet, he screams “That’s assault!! That is assault!!” “That’s battery, stupid,” Rena points out, “How did you ever become the leader of anything?!” “Somebody arrest him!!” Rappy screams, “The terms haven’t changed, and you all saw it!!” “Oh damn,” Jdg cuts in, “I am the new Chat Mod, in flagrante junk is all on me, but I was so totally looking the other way at that cute taskbar. Did anyone see what happened?” He is met with a collective “no” from the audience, and with Prima saying, “I might have seen something, but I’m too stupid to make out what it was.” Irate beyond belief, Rappy starts to walk away, telling them all, “This isn’t over.” “Well, no shit,” Rena says. Once the evil mastermind is gone, Rena’s close friends and followers all get up from their seats to cheer and applaud him. Lady gives him a big kiss on the cheek from behind him, and Rena stands tall with pride.
Rena and Lady lie down to sleep in their bed. She rests up against his arms, taken in his warm embrace, and then turns off the light. We see that their bed is all made up in an otherwise empty navbar, and an overview of the template they’re in leads us to conclude it’s the presidential manor being remade from scratch. 
“First and foremost, we need to know what he even gets done during the day,” Disney explains as she and her girlfriend sit in their subheading before their own Villain-themed mural on the taskbar, a big red circle around the man’s head in the picture over said mural.
“Calm yourself, my darling,” Sannse comforts her husband as he stands before the large window of his navbar, gazing into the night, an angry look still resting on his face, “We will see victory. Miss Edith keeps whispering it to me. In the lullabies she rocks me to sleep with…” Rappy doesn’t look appeased, however. “We need to destroy that wiki,” he says, “Attack it with everything we’ve got.” “I’ve got just the best idea for that…” she hisses in his ear. 
“You gots to help me!! Pll, please, I ain’t got noboday else to turn to!!” Peep begs of her best friend, as the Latinasian maid just looks uneased. “What we do then?!” she asks, “I can not just spritz Lemon Pledge on this and it gets clean! Just you come clean, is best!!” “Bitch you knowz I can’t!! I got a shitload of past offenses under ma big black ass and I gave her da damn drugs!! I just became a pig, I can’t let dis ruin dat!! Erryboday’s gon’ think I did her in!! Please, help me, Pll, pleeeeeease!!” Pll sighs and says, “Ok, I clean. Get me carpet. We bury bitch in woods now.” Peep falls to her knees and starts thanking her profusely, even tearing up slightly. Next to them lies the body of WerriGleek117, eyes open, mouth agape, a string of drool dripping from it and a syringe stuck in her left arm.
“Thank you,” Villain fan says, as he sits in his subheading, by the desk, hands over the ouija board. In front of him, on a spare chair, sits the spectre of DoctorStrange, who promptly tells him, “You’re welcome.”
Category:Season 5 Category:Episodes Category:Season Premieres