Nuremberg Rally

The Reich thanks you for tuning in to this special broadcast of the nineteen thirty-six Nuremberg Rally! All the beer and sausages in Bavaria can't keep you from this great sport, we know. The proud sponsors of this unequalled event, Otto Eberhardt Patronenfabrik, Fokker, and of course Schuberth Helme GmbH, wish to formally convey their joy in being associated with such an occasion. It's Day Two. Let's join the action!
== Willkommen ==
Tap Tap Ahem. This is Michael Waffen, your party source for how the rubber meets the road here in the Nuremburg Rally. We're here on location in the dense forest region of Bavaria. The August air is full of the sound of oom-pah-pah bands. The heat is oppressive, and that's the way we like it. Once a year we Germans hold this awe-inspiring race, the Nuremberg Rally, throughout southern National Socialism. The silly Frenchmen may have their little bicycle tour, but we have the best, the boldest, the most modern and graceful display of man and machine locked in full-out battle for the admiration of the people of the Fatherland!
Let's jump back for a minute to the battle for fifth place. Rudolph Hess seems to have locked it up for now. I'm told that his racing career may be at a point of alteration, however; confidential sources have advised me that he is likely to promote himself from driver to manager of Team Luft in nineteen thirty-seven. You remember this humanitarian's famous statement on a possible move:
== Historischer Hintergrund ==
Party-funded archaeologists have discovered incontrovertible evidence that the origins of the Nuremberg Rally are rooted in the misty Middle Ages. Individual Knights of the Garter, seeking fortune and fame, raced into enemy territory trying to seize their opponents' tabards. At the annual Christmas feast, his lordship who had accumulated the majority of his fellow's tabards was presented with the Garter, release of a favoured ransomee, and a bunch of rapidly-thrown-away roses. This continued until the heathens captured Antioch and muscled their way into parts of south-eastern Europe; at that time, the knights got serious and organized horseback games of Pin The Tail On The Muslim there.
Not until the 1870s did the contest develop into anything further. At that time, Otto von Bismark had a vision of a modern race and founded the Deutsche Traktor-Geschwindigkeit Anfrage which, as Germanic institutions so often are encountered doing, sought to codify the regulations regarding races throughout much of Central and Eastern Europe. In support, Bismark immediately concluded swift victories against neighbouring nations in order to solidify the new German state, and secure a coveted former portion of Austria for the fledgling official race.
== Richtlinien ==
We Germans are always trying to classify and codify things. Science is the triumph of Western civilization! Can we help it? No. Rescue of our way of life through organization is imperative. Only natural, then, is the requirement that the rules for the master race be clarified and recorded to ensure the proper conduct of future generations. Let us visit a few salients:
1.1(a) The Race shall be comprised of several sections throughout a geographic location designated by the Physical Committee; Bavaria must be apportioned at least forty percent of the length and include the Finish location.
1.2 No team may enter more than two automobiles.
1.6.1 No team may undertake aerial bombardment upon another.
4.1 Spiked wheels or other physical weaponry attached to automobiles may not be used.
11.2.7(c) Hermann Goring is the Furher's successor and shall therefore be permitted a 360-second advantage in all scoring. Broadcasters must be advised of this and failure to comply warrants reeducation.
16.0 Fishbats (1934+ editions only)
16.1 Fishbats, as weapons disconnected from the automobile, are permitted per article 4.1. The decision regarding the case of Junkermeister vs. Schlieman, 1933, is upheld and provides precedent. Schlieman was correct in employing the fishbat and absolved of any infraction.
Foreign nationalists often concentrate on their belief that many of our rules are of negative reinforcement, but we unconditionally deny this. If God had not wanted regulations of this format, he would not have made us the master race.
Hi, it's Michael Waffen again, your party man on the ground here at the Nuremberg Rally; the reporter with the Reich Stuff. Let's look back on a special message from our dear Führer, from just a few years ago:
And right now we have a special guest here in the studio! Thank you for coming down from the officials' area, Mister Führer! I know you're enjoying today's racing. Is there anything you would like to share about your own history with the Nuremberg Rally that our listeners might not be aware of?
Remember, you heard it here first, folks; Waffen is the scout with the scoop! Wear your armbands and show your support for our drivers!
== Kontroverse von 1936 ==
The cars are heading into the final turn! Suddenly there's a dustup at the front. Mister Goring's Odin II is obscured. I see an American car ... Ladies and gentlemen, the most unbelievable outcome has occurred. Yes, with the world here for this year's Rally ... I've just been handed the official conclusion. We of the Third Reich will just have to accept it. The facts may not make any sense; nor may they agree with Regulation 11.2.7(c). This ... negro ... appears to have somehow ended up in front. Shoved by circumstance and fate into the winner's circle. It's a sad day for racing. The Führer is clearly downcast, upset by these events ... he's exemplifying what we all feel.
We're picking up some dialogue from an unattended mike on the field. It's Schumacher, tapping the American on the shoulder.
... stand by ... I have here a press release from race officials.
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