Scary Linguine

__NOTOC__
==Chapter 1 - Sonic.exe Day==
I woke up with the sound of white noise coming from my alarm clock. It was a Monday so I have to get ready for school, my school is located in hell run by the tails doll and the illuminati. I decided to get up from my hyper realistic bed and went downstairs to get some breakfast. My mum usually makes me dead bodies and cliches for breakfast but she isn't in, I guess she died again. I looked in the cupboard to see what there is to eat. Luckily, my favourite cereal was in the cupboard, Blood & Guts and my favourite drink, Baby souls. I went to turn on the TV, the only show that was on was OP teenage killers, I wanted to watch static but it isn't on. I finished my gory breakfast and my demonic drink and went to put on my uniform that consists of hoodies and a pair of dress pants. I then jumped into a Tardis and changed the present tense into past tense.
I hoped onto the number 666 bus that directly takes me to hell. That's where I meet up with my friends, Roma, the typical British bloke. Dark, the American chav. And Stoney, my personal drug dealer. The bus stopped by the school, and I meet my other friends, EVIL PATRIXXX and Jeff the Killer. Both hate each other and try to kill one another, but you can't kill them as they are invincible.
I made my way to the Assroom, and waited 666 seconds before I enter because I'm so edgy. My teacher, LOLSKELETONS, stared at me and snarled, "Sit down or I'll remove you off the site!" I rolled my eyes and let them gaze upon my classmates. Jeff the Killer was looking at the beautiful brunette, the girl known as Natalie. EVIL PATRIXXX glared at Jeff angrily as he also has a crush on the girl known as Natalie. I then glanced upon the Toppler, who was destroying parts of the school. No one ever beats up the Toppler as he is able to topple mountains with his rippling biceps. I saw Squidward was trying commit suicide again, no one likes Squidward as his tenticles reminds the class of hentai. My friends, Roma, Dark and Stoney were playing minecraft with their friend, Jesse Wulf. And there was Richard, he was a quiet kid, as he had a close encounter with our school principal, the Tails Doll, and lived to tell the tale.
The sound of screams and gunshots came from the speakers. This meant our principal was going to gave an important announcement, "Today is the birthday of our lord and saviour, Sonic.exe! So today's lessons will be cancelled!" Jesse Wulf, Roma, Stoney and Dark cheered as they're looking forward for a day of minecraft. The class got dismissed for the day and started to head home.
"I'm home!" Richard called out opening the door to his house. "Hello son." Richard's dad said, patting him on the head. "Why are you home so early?" "Oh, it's Sonic.exe day." Richard explained. "Well, I'm off to play Sonic R." Richard's dad's face went white. "Sonic R? You do remember that your school principal attacked my toes when you completed that game." "Yes, but the game is just... Good." Richard then went upstairs and turned on his Sega Satan, and popped the bootleg disc into the console. While he was doing this, the song "keep trolling, trolling, trolling, trolling" played, but Richard didn't hear it.
Meanwhile, Jesse Wulf was tired playing minecraft on the Xbox 360 and it was time to play the PS3 version, even though they're the same game. However, Roma, Dark and Stoney didn't have that version so he went to buy a game from a dodgy looking garage sale. The person who was running the stall said his name was Mac and that he runs a dodgy second hand game shop. Jesse Wulf picked up the first game he saw, it was a Wii U game called MaRIo MaKEr. "What game is this?" Jesse asked. "Oh, that is a limited edition of Mario Maker, but I must warn you, this game is... Haunted." Mac warned. "I'll take it!" Jesse claimed. He gave Mac the money and he let him keep the 1 dollars change. When Jesse got home, he popped the disc into his Wii U. And again, the song "keep trolling, trolling, trolling, trolling" played and he didn't hear it.
I got home from school after killing bullies because reasons. When I walked through the door, before I could do the dinosaur, I heard the screams of my mum, who I thought died earlier. "Child! Come to the front room... Quick!!!"
==Chapter 2 - The Fall of a Savior==
I ran on my elbows making a teke teke sound to the front room. JC the Hyena was on TV telling us horrible news, "Dear everyone, I have some bad news... Our beloved saviour Sonic.exe has been... Deleted. BULL FRIGGIN HORSE SHIT!!! I am absolutely furious that my wifu has been deleted by a bunch of furry haters!" Deleted? What does he mean by deleted. I decided to call my friends, Roma, Stoney and Dark round my house. They were pissed off as I interrupted their day of minecraft. I told them the tragic news, "What do you mean he was deleted?" Stoney asked, while being stoned. "I don't know, he was just deleted." I replied. "Hey, why don't we ask clever bot?" Said Roma. Everyone knows that clever bot is never wrong, as clever bot knew that Ben Drowned.
So I opened my computer with Windows 666 and opened my tor browser to the deep web. I went on cleverbot and typed "What happened to Sonic.exe?" Cleverbot answered with "he was deleted" then I typed " What do you mean deleted?" All I got was a reply of a song title "keep trolling, trolling, trolling, trolling." I then used Yahoo (because Google is too mainstream) to find out what that music meant. It turns out that the song was the anthem of a new website called the Trollpasta wiki, a website that is able to delete "good" creepypastas and make them a joke. I searched the website and sure enough, there was Sonic.exe. "This is bad." I said, knowing that Sonic.exe is dead, one of us could reach their expiration date next.
We had to call upon our class mates together to stop this; Jeff the Killer, EVIL PATRIXXX, the girl known as Natalie, the Toppler, Roma, Dark, Stoney, Jesse Wulf and Richard. We wanted Squidward and LOLSKELETONS, but squidward committed suicide and LOLSKELETONS refused due to... Reasons. Most of us hated being partners but we needed to be for fate of our lives.
"Hey kid, you know where their headquarters are?" Jeff the Killer asked, threatening me with a knife. "Yes." I said. "I Googled it and it is located in Alcatraz Prison."
Our newly formed group bought plane tickets to Alcatraz as that is the fastest way. Jeff the Killer sat next to the girl known as Natalie who was feeling depressed. EVIL PATRIXXX looked in disgust and wanted to kill Jeff. The Toppler was resisting the urge to topple the plane with his biceps. Roma, Stoney, Dark and Jesse Wulf turned on their Xboxes and played games like Halo and Minecraft. Richard and I sat quietly with our devil's IPod listening to death screams.
==Chapter 3 - Shocking Betrayals==
The plane landed by the time the Toppler exposed his chest to destroy the plane. We got off the plane and proceeded towards customs security. They saw the amount of weapons we carried, "We can't let you take those." Said the customs officer, "Here, take these instead." They handed over RPG'S, pistols, butcher knives and a tragic backstory. Afterwards, we headed off to our destination.
When we got there, we were met with a horrifying sight, Alcatraz Prison. "How are we going to get across the water without drowning?" I asked. "Allow me." EVIL PATRIXXX volunteered. Of course, EVIL PATRIXXX is a star fish so he can easily cross the water. We all hopped on his back and he swam across the water with no problem. Once we crossed, we made our way inside the spooky skeleton infested prison.
Inside the prison was dark (like my soul because I'm emo), with some doors. We know that the person running the Trollpasta wiki would be here. We tried a few doors, they contained skeletons that popped out, Russian experiments and... Ultra Super Hyper realistic blood. We were going to give up, until we saw another door. It was at the end of the hallway and looked suspicious. We opened it and a figure was standing in the way. It was none other than our school principal... The Tails Doll.
Richard freaked out and had a 1,000 mile stare until he noticed the door behind the doll. "Oh, I bet you wanna enter that door. Well, it won't be that easy." Threatened the Tails Doll, as he went for Richard. But Richard stepped out the way which caused the Tails Doll to miss. The doll fell upon Jesse Wulf and started killing him and he died... Well no shit. Me, Jeff the Killer and EVIL PATRIXXX pulled out the weapons that customs gave us earlier. But... Bollocks, they forgot to give us ammunition for the guns. "Jeff, EVIL PATRIXXX, pull out the Butcher knives and stab Tails Doll." I demanded. But Jeff the Killer was distracted by the girl known as Natalie, she was starting to cut herself, but this wasn't the time or place.
I took the Butcher knife off Jeff and started to swing at Satan's Doll, but he dodged every swipe, and threw me across the room. He then picked up Richard with his psychic powers until he reached the ceiling, he then let Richard go and Richard fell. Luckily, he landed on the ground. Tails Doll then started to posses my friends, Roma, Stoney and Dark. "Try attacking your friends." The Tails Doll mocked. As they were completely useless, me and the Toppler killed them without any remorse. Tails Doll looked in shock which lead to EVIL PATRIXXX to stab and kill the Tails Doll. The remaining members of the gang then proceeded to walk towards the door, it took 20 seconds but they felt like an eternity. We then opened the door and... No... It can't be. It was our teacher... LOLSKELETONS. "I didn't expect you could defeat the Tails Doll. But oh well, you won't be able to defeat me and the spy that helped me." We all turned to Jeff who looked at us confused. "What the fuck guys... I work alone." EVIL PATRIXXX then walked up and revealed he helped LOLSKELETONS, we were shocked but we weren't going to take it. "Well... We can defeat you no matter what." I yelled. "C'mon guys, let's take them down!"
==Chapter 4 - Anticlimactic Finale==
We charged up to LOLSKELETONS but were stopped by EVIL PATRIXXX. EVIL PATRIXXX charged for the Toppler. "You can't defeat me as I am the Toppler." But his rippling biceps weren't enough for EVIL PATRIXXX as he plunged his knife in the Toppler's chest. EVIL PATRIXXX killed the Toppler. LOLSKELETONS was about to take on the girl known as Natalie but she killed herself due to her hanging herself. They turned to me, Richard and Jeff the Killer. LOLSKELETONS turned on his computer and... Poof... Richard was gone... Deleted, just like Sonic.exe. Jeff the Killer knew he wasn't a match for them and decided to fuck off. That meant that I was the only one left.
"Well look at this, you're the only one left." EVIL PATRIXXX chuckled. "And you're going to help us." Laughed LOLSKELETONS. "I won't help you!" I yelled. "I won't have anything to do with the Trollpasta wiki!" They laughed, "Oh we have something more special planned for you." That's when LOLSKELETONS started to possess me and he took me to a computer that was loaded onto a website called Crappypasta.com. "I recently created this site. This is the site that you will be administering, your job is to move true stories off of the creepypasta wiki onto this site. There is nothing you can do."
And this is where I stay, in Alcatraz Prison with EVIL PATRIXXX and LOLSKELETONS for eternity, deleting true stories and moving them onto another website that makes them a complete joke. I will remain here and continue to do this. Until the day I die.
Category:Bad Fanfiction
Category:Satire
Category:Loads of Characters
Category:Cliche Madness
Category:Living Objects
Category:Inside Jokes
Category:Look at me! I'm SO EDGY!
Category:Well, that was anticlimactic.
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck