Object Terror In A Nutshell

You are a human being, you are living in the world of Object Terror, which is considered to be one of the most controversial object shows out there. Some people like this in spite of the gore, while others criticize it for being gory and not having good writing at times. 
You are there after the US Government passed the Interspecies Exchange Bill, so now that human beings and objects now live together. The show has been going on since 2014, the show's hosts, Printer and Computer, have gone on a vacation to Hawaii. 
The contestants are just minding their own business, by talking to each other and hanging out and doing random activities while waiting for Printer and Computer to return from their vacation.
> You take a bite out of Mint.
You bite into the flesh of the contestant Mint, who screams in agony as you sink your teeth into his body. While chewing through his flesh, you accidentally swallow some of the flesh, that you realize once in your throat a moment later.
> You throw Mint away.
You stand up and throw away the flesh of contestant Mint. He is hurt and probably can't be saved, but that's for the medics to decide, not you.
> You start painting.
You put a shade of blue onto your canvas, since you've decided to paint the sky. Blue seems to be your personal favorite of the color, mainly because there isn't another color that is your favorite. Although...
Your concentration seems to be broken by Plug walking in on you while you are painting, as you can hear the smirk in her voice.
"Wow, it's almost like you're painting the sky!"
You continue to paint, although now your brush moves a little faster.
> You say "I paint all sort of stupid shit, here's one of my paintings, it looks like SHIT!"
Plug laughs, but nods in understanding.
"I get it. You're an artist, and you gotta release your inner creativity. Alright, let's go bother some people that are actually creating something."
> You ask Plug to leave.
Plug walks outside, and begins to talk to the people that are setting up a table for a band that will be playing at the party.
> You go back to painting.
You sit down on your stool and get back to painting. You decide to paint a view of the city, with the skyscraper that you work at clearly in the shot.
Your concentration is broken again by Wallet walking in on you while you are painting. 
> You say "What the fuck do you want, asshole?"
Wallet responds with a smirk on his face.
"Wow, is that your painting?" He then laughs. "It looks like garbage!" 
> You smash Wallet into the painting.
You rush over to Wallet and slam his face into the painting. Wallet screams in pain and falls to the ground, clutching his face with his hands.
You laugh maniacally and run away. You see Skittle standing there, holding a paint roller, while the other contestants watch.
> You have existential crisis.
Life is meaningless. The world is a pointless hell.
That's what you think while contemplating suicide, because what the fuck are you even supposed to do with your life?
> You say "SKITTLE! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"
Skittle holds out the paint roller.
"I'M FUCKING PAINTING!" He replies. "ARE YOU CRAZY?!"
You shout: "YES! YES I AM!"
You grab the paint roller out of Skittle's hand and throw it to the ground.
> You punch Skittle in the face.
Skittle falls down, clutching his face and screaming.
"FUCK YOU!" He screams.
The others move Skittle away from the scene of the crime, so you can't go punch him anymore.
You finally lose your mind. You start screaming and running around the landscape like a maniac, breaking things and punching random things.
> You start spraying and smearing feces all over the place.
You continue screaming and running around the landscape, you spray, smear and splatter poop all over the place.
> You scream at the sky: "LOOK AT ME! I'M PAINTING!"
The contestants look. They're disgusted and confused.
"Why the fuck are you screaming?" One of them asks.
"I'm a fucking artist!" You shout.
"No you're not!" Beer shouts. "YOU FUCKING SHIT ALL OVER THE GOD DAMN PLACE!"
"Fuck you." You say. "I'm a fucking artist."
"THERE'S SHIT EVERYWHERE!" Magazine shouts. "YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A FUCKING ASSHOLE!"
"You're a shitty human being, and this is what you're best at." Flash Drive says.
"I'm gonna go tell Printer and Computer!" Whipped Cream says.
"OH HELL NO!" You shout, as you rush over to Whipped Cream and spray poop all over him. "Don't you fuck with me!"
Whipped Cream screams and runs away. You are unable to continue, and collapse on the ground in a fit of uncontrollable laughter.
Recycling Bin yells at you and throws you against a tree. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? I TOLD YOU TO STOP!"
"I'm sorry, I can't help it." You say.
"You're a fucking sociopathic piece of shit." Recycling Bin says. "Fuck you."
You get up, run towards Recycling Bin, and punch him square in the face.
"Oh no, the apeshit human being punched Recycling Bin in the face!" Beep Boop says.
Recycling Bin stands up and walks towards you.
> You punch him in the face again.
Recycling Bin grabs your fist and turns it over. Then he throws you to the ground and steps on your hand. "I thought I told you to stop." He says. "Fuck you."
Recycling Bin kicks you in the face, knocking you out.
When you wake up, you're naked and covered in blood. You hear a voice call out to you from behind.
You turn around and see an object dressed in black. They wear a mask over their eyes. They hold a paint brush in their hand and begins to paint. You look at the painting and smile.
It's the Mona Lisa, except it's a picture of you.
> You say "Who are you?"
The artist smiles and reveals their eyes. It's Toot.
"I'm just your friendly neighborhood artist." They say. "What do you think of my masterpiece?"
> You say "Do you have any penis enlargement pills?"
The artist raises an eyebrow. "What size is your dick?"
"It's perfectly fine." You say. "You don't need to know how big it is. Do you have any?"
"Well, I have some...small ones. And some medium ones." Toot says, fishing through their pockets. "I think these are the biggest."
"How much do you want for them?" You ask.
"How about ten large?" Toot asks.
"Fine." You say.
Toot pulls out a small bag of white powder and hands it to you. "There you go."
> You activate the penis enlargement pills.
You swallow the pills. They taste horrible, but they do increase your blood flow.
"I hope you're prepared to fail, because you're about to." Toot says. "Whenever you're ready."
PENIS GROW!
It feels like a bicycle pump is inflating your dick.
"You're going to need to endure a bit more pain, because this is only the beginning." Toot says.
YAHOO!
You stand there staring at your dick in disbelief. Your dick has grown to the size of a large cantaloupe.
"Holy shit." You say.
"Impressive, huh?" Toot asks.
"Yes!" You reply. "Is this real?"
"As much as anything can be among wizards." Toot says. "Why, do you want to touch it?"
"I just did."
IN THE END, IT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER
Your dick remains the size of a cantaloupe.
Toot shakes their head. "The human mind can't take any more surprise."
"I don't understand." You say.
> You suddenly fall over dead.
"Your dick has grown so much that your heart can't handle it, and you die." Toot explains.
- YOU DIED! GAME OVER -
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Memes
Category:DIALOGUE!
Category:Excessive Profanity
Category:Potty Humor
Category:WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT
Category:Im died