Jay The Killer: The Revengeful Revenge

Hi! It’s me again! Jay Whatever, the most badass murderer ever! Missed me? I’m back! Again, I’m writing this story from Anyplace Mental Hospital, and since I already mentioned it last time, I won’t reiterate how stupid it is they allow me to use electronic devices with a internet connection when they know what I’m capable of! Last time I told you my origin story! Spoiler alert, it ends with me killing my own parents but failing to kill my little sister, then getting locked away! But there’s no straightjacket capable of stopping my wrath! It was just a matter of time before I made my great escape, right? Actually, I only stayed half a week on the asylum before I had my chance! You see, Anyplace is a small town with very few insane criminals, so the loony bin had some serious security flaws! I got lucky enough to have some total moron tasked with keeping a eye on me! So I just pretended to be sick, (I know it’s a old and cliched trick!) made a fool of that loser, and I was free! (some may say my plan only worked because I’m some Gary Stu who keeps managing to do things he shouldn’t be capable of! That’s bullshit!) Now I needed to decide what to do with my newfound liberty! If I were some loser, I may have decided to enjoy my life, maybe redeem myself, or some other baloney, but I had something better in mind! REVENGE! You see, I had managed to kill last time only two of the people I really wanted dead! (my parents, in case you already forgot!) I had lots of targets in my twisted little mind, and even without the psychic powers I had inexplicably gained, then inexplicably lost, I was still a formidable opponent! Surely I should be able to murder some more people! Now, I already knew who I was going after first! If you remember, I was bullied by some annoying chess player and his stinky girlfriend before I snapped out of nowhere and tried to kill them with a pen I inexplicably had! (I love the word inexplicably!) I was able to stab the boy, Matthew Modern, but the loser survived and his girlfriend beat the poop out of me! Matthew had spend one night on the hospital, (a normal one, not a mental hospital like I had!) but it was all! Now he was safe in his home, probably getting busy with his smelly girlfriend! (Did I mention his girlfriend smells bad already?) It was my chance then! Time to go! I somehow found his house, despite not knowing a lot about him, (again, I swear I’m not a Gary Stu!) and grabbing a flower pot in his lawn to use as a weapon, I rang the doorbell and waited for them to open the door so I could surprise and kill them! Unfortunately, no one answered the door! I tried again, and when it didn’t worked, I got impatient! I wasn’t going to wait for some losers to answer the door, I wanted to kill them now, so I had the idea to bust the door down with my improvised weapon! Interestingly, it turns out throwing a flower pot on a door will result not in a busted door, but in shards of ceramic flying away in all directions! Who would’ve thought that? I got hurt by some of the shards, and while I screamed in pain and shock, I heard my soon-to-be-victims talking! (Why I could only hear them now? Who cares? It’s just another dumb plot hole!) “You heard that?” “Yeah, it sounded like a flower pot being thrown at your door and breaking!” “I meant the scream! It sounds like a little girl!” “We should take a look, just to be sure no one’s hurt!” That’s what they said! I was very offended this two losers were calling me a little girl, but the upside was that they were now walking right into my ambush! As the door was open, I suddenly remembered I had just broke my weapon and was injured, and before I could even panic or think of something, I heard gasps of shock! Yeah, Matthew and Jane, (Jane being his girlfriend, in case you forgot!) were not expecting their bully victim/attempted murderer to be bleeding on their doorstep! “I came back to kill you two till you’re dead!” That was my intimidating statement! It didn’t work so well! Maybe I should get a catchphrase! To my surprise, instead of screaming in terror, Jane just scowled at me! “Do you want me to give you another beating?” I was slowly realizing it was not going according to the plan! They were supposed to beg for mercy, then die gruesomely, not to threaten me with bodily harm! “Shut up! Apologize for being two pathetic maggots and I may spare your worthless lives!” It seems Jane’s contempt had turned into anger, and before I could even think, she threw me on the floor of Matthew’s living room! (Believe me, it hurts like hell!) “Ouch! You’ll regret it! Now that I’m inside the house, I’ll kill you two lovebirds with one stone! HAHAHA!” My brilliant pun had no effect on the bullies as they slowly approached me! What followed next was very humiliating and uncomfortable! That brutish girl lifted me by my shirt and laughed at my face! “Look, insane murderer or not, you’re still a weak dweeb! Want me to prove it?” I recoiled at her breath! Jane was a fat slob and everything about her stunk! Then it got worse! She shoved my face into her behind and farted! You know, like on Family Gay or whatever the show’s named! The point is that it was gross! Not even my sister Ginny could compete with that, and Ginny’s farts were deadly in their own! Then she and her useless boyfriend laughed and I just wanted to die so I could be spared of this embarrassment! Later, the police arrived and I was taken back to my padded room, now even more vengeful, petty and insane than before! (And I was already all this things to begin with!) I’m so mad I even used less parenthesis than last time, to show you my fury is having a effect on my writing! But it doesn’t matter! I escaped once, so I can escape again! And when I do, no one will be safe! NO ONE! HAHAHA!
THE END?
Category:Trollpasta
Category:DIALOGUE!
Category:English Class Failure
Category:MARY SUE ALERT
Category:TRUE STORY
Category:Well, that was anticlimactic.
Category:Wall of Text
Category:Potty Humor