My sperm tried to kill me

Until a month ago, my life was perfect. I was a regular dude bro who banged pussy (and more) left and right. I had no problems and a bitch certainly wasn't one. But then I met her. I met her in a bar. She was the hottest chick there that night. Average height, slim waist and a great rack. I could tell she was younger than me. Probably like early 20s. She looked like this was the first time she was in a bar. She seemed nervous and gave off a submissive vibe. Perfect. That's exactly the kind of girls I like. Submissive and agreeable. Way better to work than those "StRoNg aNd InDePeNdEnT" bitches.
I approached her, threw the usual lines at her and she and I ended up going to my place. What followed was a night of hot hot HOT sex. For someone who looked so innocent, she was pretty freaky in the sack. The next morning, she woke me up with a kiss. This is when I usually tell bitches to get lost, but she was so malleable and clearly wanted to please me. I decided to keep her around for a whole so I could get a few more fucks out of her. I caressed her face and kissed her back.
She told me her name was Priscilla and she was from a really small town in the mid west. She told me I was the second guy she had ever slept with. An almost virgin. Nice. I told her I was going to take her out on a date the next day. She seemed excited. It was kinda cute. I took her to a nice restaurant for dinner the following night. This was of course followed by taking her to my place and banging the hell out of her. This time I explored certain...ahem..never before probed parts of her. This went on for about two weeks, and that is when she got clingy. She was always asking for cuddles and wanted to have "conversations" after I was done fucking her. I had gotten all the fun I was going to get out of her and decided to dump her. I went to her place to break it to her that I wanted to end things. She started to cry. I tried to be nice to her, tell her it would be Ok, she'll find someone else blah blah blah. But it got real annoying, real fast. She grabbed on to my arm and begged me to stay. She wanted to know why I was doing this, said she was falling in love with me and asked for a second chance. I snapped at her. I told her it was just about sex and if she was dumb enough to think it was anything more than that, then that was on her. She cried and pleaded some more. But as I began to walk out the door, she called my name in an angry voice and asked "Logan, are you sure you want to do this?"
"Yeah" I said.
Priscilla got up and walked towards me, grabbed my forearm and with a serious look on her face asked "are you sure you want to walk out on me?" I chuckled and replied "Yeah, bitch!".
"You're going to regret this" she said, and then closed her eyes and began chanting something. It was in a strange language that kinda made my ears hurt. I asked her if she was crazy, but she just kept chanting. I would have just walked away, but the chanting was so damn.....wierd. Out of sheer morbid curiosity, I just stood there and waited for her to finish.
She opened her eyes and told me that soon, I would be begging her for a second chance. I just scoffed and walked out. She really was crazy. That night I decided to just watch some porn and relax after a long day. After I had blown my load into my cum sock, I just tossed it beside the couch to be picked up later. I was looking through my texts etc when heard a shuffling noise. At first I thought it came from the apartment next door, but as it got louder I realized that it was right next to the couch. My cum sock was moving.
I thought maybe a mouse had gotten into it. I was about to grab it when it wiggled away with surprising quickness. The sock reached a wall and began crawling vertically. It moved awkwardly but with remarkable speed. I remember thinking this can't be a mouse. I grabbed a magazine and rolled it up, ready to strike whatever critter had occupied my sock.
Something began to crawl out of it. It was grayish white and had no limbs, just a bulbous head and a tail. I realized, with mounting horror that I was looking at sperm. My own, enlarged sperm. A whole bunch of them began to pour out of the sock. And they were all leaping towards me! Using their tail for leverage, they jumped at me as if they could see/sense that I was there. One of them hit me in the face. That's when I broke out of my "paralyzed with fear" state and began whacking at them with the folded magazine. They made wet, squishy sounds as they were struck. It wasn't easy to kill them. I had to strike each one multiple times before it finally died.
I think it must have taken about an hour for me to get all of them. There were 32, I counted. I sat on the floor panting, wondering what the hell had just happened. I got up and began to examine the sperm corpses. They were starting to melt into puddles of what looked like cum. Just regular old jizz. Sure didn't look like something that had attacked me. I wiped it all up with tissues and disposed of the tissues in the dumpster behind my apartment. I was not letting that thing stay in my home.
I finally got in bed, exhausted. I suddenly remembered what had happened earlier. The things Priscilla had said to me, that weird chanting she had done. Is that what caused all of this? Did that bitch put some kind of spell or hex on me? What I had experienced was crazy, but now as I lay in bed I began to wonder if it was even real. I decided to Google what I had just experienced, but the search results showed nothing but some weird porn. It could be that I was exhausted and had just hallucinated the whole thing. I decided to just listen to some music and tried to get some sleep.
The next morning was like any other. I showered, ate breakfast at the local restaurant and went to work. I was now pretty sure that what I had seen the night before was nothing but a figment of my imagination. I went to the bar that night, hunting for fresh meat. I thought a good fuck was what I needed to get my head cleared. I picked up a young bimbo and took her to my apartment.
I was lying in bed with the girl's mouth around my cock when she suddenly started making gagging noises. "Nice" I thought, "she's trying to deepthroat. What a good girl." But then I realized that her lips were no longer around my cock. I looked at her to find several grayish white, fleshy tails sticking out of her mouth. The heads were lodged into her throat and the tails looked like they were going deeper. They were going to choke her to death. The girl desperately clawed at her throat and tried to pull them out by their tails. All I could think was "goddamit, I can't have a fucking dead girl in my apartment!" . I grabbed the tails and pulled hard and was finally able to pull them out of her mouth. I chucked them hard at the wall and the girl collapsed to the floor, crying and gasping for breath.
The sperm weren't going to stay down however, and they bounced right at me. One of them hit me in the eye and it felt like I had been punched. The fuckers were bigger this time. Another one wrapped it's tail around my throat and began to strangle me like it was some kind of snake. The girl screamed and just scooped up her clothes and ran out. It took all my strength to get that damn things off of me. I grabbed a shoe and beat them to death with it. This time I knew I wasn't hallucinating. I wondered for a second if the girl would tell anyone what she had seen and experienced. They probably wouldn't believe her. But right then I couldn't worry about that. I decided to confront Priscilla. I got dressed and drove to her place. I knocked on her door over and over. A neighbor cursed at me to keep it down but I ignored him. At last, after like five minutes of knocking , Priscilla answered the door.
"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO ME??" I screamed at her.
She had the gall to roll her eyes, and said "Get inside. Or you'll wake my neighbors and they'll call the cops on you." She added with a note of glee "then you'd be in even deeper shit." I went inside and told her to undo whatever she had done to me. She laughed and said it couldn't be undone. My only solution would be to stop getting hard. To refrain from experiencing any sexual pleasure. "or you could just get your balls chopped off", she said with a chuckle. I fucking lost it, I grabbed her by the arm and said in my most intimidating voice "listen to me you little cunt, you're going to undo whatever the fuck you did to me or you'll be fucking sorry."
Priscilla pushed me away with a hard shove and replied "I wouldn't threaten me if I were you. I just made your own sperm act against you. Can you imagine what else I can do to you if you piss me off even more? Think about that before you decide to pull this macho man crap on me again. Now get the hell out." Goddamit! The bitch was right. I left quietly.
What was I going to do now? Was I going to go through life without getting hard? Fuck no! I'd rather be dead. I decided to get a medical examination done. If something was truly wrong with me, modern medicine could help fix it, right?
WRONG! All of my test results showed that I was a perfectly healthy guy. There was not a thing wrong with me or my swimmers. Great! Science wasn't going to fix something that didn't need fixing. I decided to stay away from all sexually arousing sights and sounds until I could figure this thing out.
The following Saturday was my birthday. My bros kept insisting that I go to a strip club with them. Obviously I couldn't do that. So I told them I was sick and just wanted to stay home and rest. I was sitting on my couch reading, something I hadn't done in a long time, when I heard a knock on my door. I opened it without thinking. It was Priscilla and she was wearing a short skirt and a tiny top. Her outfit left very little to the imagination. She looked smoking hot. With her was another girl who was dressed just as sexily. "Happy Birthday, Logan" Priscilla said "here's your present". She and the other girl put their arms around each other and began making out. With their tongues and boobs rubbing against each other. It was hotter than hell. I felt myself getting hard. But then I remembered I couldn't let myself get hard.
I shut the door in a hurry. That vindictive bitch knew how much I love girl on girl. I tried to take deep breaths and thought about my mom to get soft again. But it was to no avail. I felt a sharp stabbing pain in my cock and balls. It was so intense I thought I would collapse. I undid my pants and underwear. The stabbing sensation had now moved to the tip of my penis. This time I did collapse. I screamed in pain as I felt something shoot out of my cock. It was a sperm. The largest one I had seen so far. It's head was the size of a ping pong ball. And it was getting bigger. It grew right before my eyes, just a few feet from me even as I lay on the floor holding my dick. It's head was now as big as a tennis ball and the tail looked like it was at least four feet long.
Then it came at me. I had the wherewithal to kick it away and stumble to the bedroom. I closed the door behind me and just sat there with my back to it and cried. I cried out of pain, fear and frustration. The sperm wasn't giving up, though. It kept throwing itself against the bedroom door in an attempt to get in. I could hear the sound of it's head bumping against the door. I don't know for how long I heard those thuds, until the thing finally gave up or died. Must have been over an hour. I'm now sitting on my bedroom floor wondering how the hell my life had turned into this shit show. The pain in my penis has subsided a little. Now I'm wondering if I'll have to do what Priscilla had suggested. Will I have to get my balls removed? Because I don't know how long I can go on like this. Fuck my life! Fuck this shit! Fuck... fuck... fuck...
If any of you reading this have any experience with something like this and have any suggestions, now would be a good time.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep