Zog

Me Zog. Me live cave. Ugg. Zog like fish and zug-zug. Me like zug-zug more than me like fish. Zog no can get girl live cave. Me have to zug-zug by self. Ugg. Me once try zug-zug with raw fish. Fish too cold and taste funny later. Me no do that again.
Zog have little cave with big draft. Me no can live in big cave with other cave men. They mad I try zug-zug their women. They no share. So me live little cold cave. Me share cave with bear. Bear like make Zog him bitch. Zog no play that way but bear very big. Ugg. Zog look for new cave in spring.
Zog like eat fish. Hard catch fish with hands. Need get net or pole. They no make net or pole yet, say still on drawing board. Ugg. They make fire in big cave. They no show Zog. Zog cold and eat raw fish and live with big bear that like zug-zug Zog. Zog think about jump off cliff. Zog think about push bear off cliff. Bear no go near cliff. Ugg.
Zog call bear Oscar. Zog think bear no like girl bear. Zog no like way Oscar look at zog bottom. Zog sleep with back againt cave wall but no always work. Bear have nice fur. Zog think bear make good rug or coat. Bear think Zog make good girl friend. Zog hate bear. Ugg.
Zog cave have lot water in it. Cave very cold and wet. Cave smell funny. Bear no shit woods. Bear shit cave. Zog hate bear. Cave very small and have bats. Bats no shit wood. Bats shit cave. Zog smart not to shit cave. Zog think bear and bats do to make Zog sad. Zog hate bear and bats. Ugg. Cave have lot bugs. Bugs eat bear and bat shit. Bugs like crawl on Zog when he sleep. Bug like crawl up Zog nose and in mouth. Bug taste like poop. Zog hate cave.
Zog think about join army. He hear no bear no bat and no bug in army. But Zog no like get up early. Zog no like work. Zog no like take order. So Zog live in wet little cave full of shit and get zug-zug by bear. Maybe army not so bad after all. Zog will think about army.
Zog learn cave paint. Me paint picture of fish and bear. Me no paint bear zug-zug. Zog not want people know about that. Zog paint picture of buffalo and deer. Me no catch buffalo. Buffalo stronger than fish. Me paint picture cave girl. Girl have big thingies. Zog no ever see thingies but can pretend.
Zog hate Nar. Nar live big cave and zug-zug cave girls. Nar is dick. Nar make Zog live in little cave. Nar think that funny. Nar is dick. Nar say Zog smell like bear shit now. Zog call Nar jerk. Zog try fight Nar for cave girl. Nar beat Zog bad. Zog no fight Nar again. Ugg.
Zog try teach bear beat Nar. Bear much dumb. Bear only know zug-zug. Zog point at Nar say 'bear eat Nar'. Bear no go. Bear look at Zog in funny way again. Zog go for walk quick. Zog hope bear lose interest in zug-zug soon. Zog still no zug-zug. Zog think cliff look good. Zog think Zog go jump. Zog scared of height though. Ugg.
Zog no believe in god. Zog think if god there he hate Zog. Zog think god like laugh at Zog. Zog think god like to see bear zug-zug Zog. Zog no believe in god. Zog very sad. Nar say he believe in god. Nar have lot of cave girl. Nar live in big dry cave. Nar say god bless him. Zog hate nar. Zog hate god.
Zog try block big cave with rock. Rock no move. Zog no can move big rock. Zog say to god 'please move rock'. God no move rock. Zog think if there is god he no like Zog. Zog think maybe there no god. Zog try pray once. Pray hurt Zog head so Zog no pray now. Zog think maybe he try Buddhism. Zog have nothing to do anyway. Maybe Zog can meditate. If bear leave Zog alone Zog can try. Zog no like close eye when bear near.
Zog find shiny yellow rock. Zog like rock. Rock make Zog happy. Zog take rock and give cave girl. Cave girl show thingies and zug-zug Zog. Zog happy. Cave girl move in little cave. Girl drain water and sweep bugs and shit out. Girl hang ugly curtains. She know make fire. Girl cook fish. Fish good not raw. Cave girl now Zog woman. Zog call her "Zog Woman". Zog zug-zug Zog lots. Zog Woman have no gag reflex. Zog likes zug-zug that way. Zog very happy. Zog Woman ask much for special zug-zug.
Zog spend much time looking shiny rock. Shiny rock make Zog Woman happy. Happy Zog Woman zug-zug lots. Happy Zog Woman clean cave lots. Zog come home find bear zug-zug Zog Woman! Zog mad! Zog try whack bear with big stick but big stick break. Bear beat Zog. Zog hurt bad and cry. Ugg. Bear kick Zog out cave in rain. Zog hate bear. Bear laugh at Zog. Zog woman laugh at Zog. Nar point and laugh. Zog say Nar is big dick. Nar say Zog have little dick. Nar right. Zog hate Nar. 
Bear keep zug-zug Zog Woman. Bear zug-zug harder. Zog Woman thrash and scream. Other cave men point and laugh. Bear keep zug-zug Zog Woman faster. Zog Woman scream she coming to god. Good. Zog Woman deserve die. Zog think she lousy slut! Ugg. God deserve lousy slut. Girl make god sad just like god make Zog sad. Woman no die. God hate Zog. Zog hate woman. Zog hate bear. Zog hate God. Zog only zug-zug self now. God zug-zug Zog too.
Zog give up. Bear be Zog now. Woman belong bear now. Bear can zug-zug Zog Woman if it want. Bear happy with Zog Woman. Bear no like girl Bear. Bear like Zog Woman more than Bear like Zog. Bear can have shitty cave. Woman no clean good anyway. Cave still cold and shitty. No room for Zog now. Zog feel redundant. No three company. Ugg. Zog go cliff now. Zog jump and be with god who hates him. Maybe Nar laugh. Zog no care no more. Bear no care either. Ugg.
==See Also==
Whore frost
Category:Cavemen
Category:Articles written in the first person
Category:Articles about a person written in the style of that person