Ooo I'm a ghost!

I was walking home one night and it was very very scary. I got to my apartment's parking lot and a man with a gun came up to me. He said "Give me you wallet!" very angrily. Since I am the main character of life, I wasn't gonna let this bad guy get the best of me. I went for his gun and I heard very loud noise and the most intense pain I have ever felt in my life. I fell to the pavement as I watched the man run away. I tried to yell, but no words could come out, only a loud cough with blood. I reached into my pocket to call 911, but I took out my wallet by mistake. I looked inside. I only had $23. Did I seriously get myself killed over $23? All I remember after that was closing my eyes.
I opened them again and I was in the same parking lot. There were paramedics and police everywhere. I saw the paramedics move a body under a cloth into an ambulance. I then remembered what had happened. I was just shot! Was- Was that me under that sheet? Was that me going into the ambulance? "Wait!" I yelled. Not a single person turned to look at me. I tried shaking a police offer who was taking notes. "Listen to me! Am I dead! Is that me? Please talk to me! Please!" I shaking his shoulder with all my might. Tears rolled down my face. I thought about all the people who I cared for in my life and all the people who cared about me. What would my mother think? Her son is dead. "No no no no no no! This can't be happening!"
I went to the homes of the people I loved. I couldn't get in through the door, as they couldn't hear me knocking or ringing the bell. I also couldn't phase through the door. I guess ghosts aren't what they're like from the movies. I did look through the window. Some people were sad, some people were crying, and some people seemed not to care, hopefully it was because they didn't know I was dead rather than them not caring.
After a few days of walking around town as a ghost, I seemed to accept my fate. What else was there to do as a ghost? My life was over, so I couldn't really do anything. I didn't have to go to work anymore or anything like that. I decided that it may be fun to haunt somebody. I knew where my bully from grade school lived, so I thought I would give him a scare. The only way to get in was by throwing a brick the window, since he couldn't hear me knocking on the door. The brick makes a very loud sound, and there is a loud scream. I then dive through the window, I am now covered in broken glass and bleeding everywhere. There is a family in this house and they are all staring at me terrified. "AHHHHHH!" they scream "OOoOooOoOOo I'm a ghost!" I say ghostily. I then go over to the light switch and turning it off and on! "Please go away! Get out of my house!" the wife scream at me. "This house is haunted..." I say with ghostly whisper. I rattle some pans and pick up some lamps and move them around the room. For their perspective it must be as if they are floating. "Please leave! Get out of here! You're scaring us!" the bully screams. I got my good laugh in and I exit through the broken window and am gone.
I was in a lot of pain from the broken glass. There was one place I hadn't been since I became a ghost. I decided to swing by work to see if there was a memorial or something there. Or at least something in the newsletter... or an email about my death. I show up to the office and there is a portrait of me with some flowers by the front door. I didn't know what to say. This was the most anyone has done for me, and it was from the place I liked being the least. I entered the office, and went around the desks. I then went to my desk. There was a huge memorial. Dozens of white roses and gifts were around my desk. I started crying. They actually cared about me. "Thank you! Thank you!" I screamed. This was a very emotional moment.
My co-worker Jim screams at me. "Gotcha!" and everyone in the office started laughing. "Wait what! You guys can see me? Is it only the people who care that can see me?" I said confused. Jim let me finish and began talking. "You just got pranked. You're not dead. Do you know how much this cost for us to pull off. Everyone was in on it, your neighbors, your family, the police department, everybody." Everyone continued laughing at me. I had never felt more embarrassed. "Wait did you tell my grade school bully about this? I kind of trashed his house trying to haunt him." I asked. "Lol nope. You're going to jail for a long time. That family is traumatized. Take him away boys." Said the security guard from the office. "Dang... thats a pretty good prank. So what happened when I got shot? I was really hurt." I said as I was being handcuffed. "How did you not recognize me? And yes... you were really shot, but I made sure not to hit any vital organs." Said Creed from quality control. Phillis, Andy, Daryl, Pam, Oscar, Angela, Nellie, Stanley, Meredith, Kevin, Gabe, Erin, Kelly, Tobi, Ryan, Dwight, and even Robert California were all in on it too. I was sentenced to 6 years in prison for breaking and entering.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Ghoooosts
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Inside Jokes
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep