Metal Gear Solid 4

#REDIRECT Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots 
[An overlydramatic shot of Solid Snake saluting an unknown grave in Arlington National Cemetery while a helicopter circles overhead]
OTACON(stepping out of the helicopter): Snake
SNAKE: Otacon, even the dead have ears.
OTACON: Snake, that didnt make any sense at all. I hope this accelerated aging thing isnt effecting your brain.
SNAKE: Brain?!?
OTACON(walking towards the helicopter): Snake, I dont have time for this. Look we have someone waiting for us.
SNAKE: Otacon, what about the test results?
OTACON: Well Snake, according to your chart you're fucked up, but we won't know anything else till we talk to Naomi.
[Snake and Otacon board the helicopter where they are greeted by Colonel Campbell]
SNAKE: Wow Colonel, thats a nice suit. I figured the only place I'ld see you dressed like that is at your daughter's wedding
COLONEL: You are aware that I haven't spoken to Meryl in like 10 years right?
SNAKE: Oh shit, I'm sorr...
COLONEL: No it's out there, now we just have live with it. Look we have some more important business to talk about.
SNAKE: ?
COLONEL: We found Liquid, in the Middle East.
SNAKE: Liquid!?!
Metal Gear Solid 4 is the extremely anticipated 4th installment of the MGS series. Most fans were overjoyed when they discovered that Solid Snake would be returning as the main protagonist instead Raiden. However nearly the same amount of people were pissed off when they found out they had to drop 600 dollars on a PS3 just to play the damn game. 
==Gameplay== 
Like all metal gears, this game revolves around avoiding being detected by enemies who can only see like 20 feet in front of themselves anyway. Most of the game takes place on a battlefield between terrorists and Walmart corporate soldiers. You can choose to help the terrorists if you want to be unamerican , however the corporate soldiers refuse to accept any help because like all walmart employess they are to depressed and suicidal to care. There are also some totally cool, yet unrealistic tools to help Snake out on his journey. There is the MK 2 which was developed by Tyco and is completley fuckin useless. There is also the octocamo suit he uses that blends into the backround, its still not as useful as the stealth camo. Why doesn't Snake just get the stealth from the beginning? I mean seriously it was there like 4 games ago, you think Otacon would have figured out how to make that shit by now. Also you can use Snake's huge library of up to seven martial arts moves to kick your opponents ass. 
==Plot==
The plot to this game is so farfetched, your head would explode if even tryed to understand it. But ill try to explain it anyway.
===Act 1: Liquid Suck===
Ok, for some reason Campbell decides to hire Snake to assassinate Liquid. Snake looks feeble as hell, theyre must of been atleast 1000 other qualified people he could have chosen to do this that didnt have the body of an eighty year old man. In any case, Snake meets up with a guy named Drebin. This character proves just how racist the japanese creators of the game are. Drebin is black dude who sells illegal guns to snake and he hangs out with a monkey, very inappropriate. Snake then meets up with Meryl, who is disgusted by the fact that his face looks like a wrinkly ballsack and tells him that they should just be friends. While this was happening they are attacked by Liquids special forces the FROGS. After easily kicking they're asses Snake goes to infiltrate Liquid's military camp. Once there Liquid activates a system that makes all of his soliders go apeshit and start shooting eachother. After a three or four hour speech directed at Snake, Liquid leaves in his helicopter. It could have been worse though atleast he lost that faggy english accent.
===Act 2: Solid Suck===
After recieving so many calls from Naomi about how much South America sucks, Snake and the gang decide to go give her a ride. While out in the jungle, Snake sees some kind of monster that is a cheap ripoff off Dr Octopus from Spiderman hanging out with Vamp, even though he died in the last game. Later he meets up with Drebin who tells snake that the world is being controlled by a computer system engineered by the Patriots. After letting Drebin inject him with a needle that Snake has no idea whats in it, they part ways. Snake eventually meets up with Naomi who tells him that the FOXDIE he has is an industrial form of SUPERAIDS that will destroy the entire human race if he doesnt die in three months. She also tells him that Liquid is going to use Big Boss' burntass body to try and control the world. After Snake kicks Laughing Octopus' ass they try and get the hell out of there. After being trapped by shittons of mini metal gears, Raiden shows up and totally pwns them. It was kinda cool, plus hes not a whiny little bitch anymore like he was in the last game. In any case, everyone got sick of hanging out in God's blindspots and decided to go to Europe
===Act 3: Third Suck===
A handful of interesting things happen in this part of the game. Otacon gets some pussy for the first time in like 15 years. This is probably one of the gayest parts of the game. You have to follow some chode around for what seems like hours. But when your done you get to meet Snake's mom EVA. Shes like 60 years old and still rockin her cleavage. You know the woman who did her voice was the same person played Catwoman in the original Batman series. I'ld totally do her. I mean EVA, not the chick who did her voice. Ok I'ld prolly do her too. But I digress, there is an epic motorcycle battle, Liquid renders nearly every gun on earth uselss and he burns Big Boss' body again. Oh and you find out that Zero was the leader of the patriots Bonus, Snake gets a badass burn scar on his face. 
===Act 4: Twin Suck===
So Snake and Raiden have a huge sympathy contest about who has a sadder life. Oh and for some reason Liquid wants to destroy the computer that he controls that controls the world and the only way he can do this is by going back to shadow moses to get the railgun from rex. So naturally Snake follows him there in an attempt to stop him. 
br-r-rp br-r-rp…br-r-rp br-r-rp
OTACON: Wow Snake, this place certainly brings back memories doesnt it?
SNAKE: Godammit Otacon, it is like 15 degress out here and there are assholes with guns all over this place. Can't this wait. I dont need any advice right now. 
OTACON: You know it isn't always about you Snake, maybe I wanted to talk.
So Snake gets to the rex and finds the rail gun missing and Vamp waiting for him. Then Raiden shows up and totally pwns him again. After a huge sobfest, Naomi dies of cancer and they decide to escape using the rex, and even though Liquid got what he wanted from that place, he came back and decided to have an epic metal gear fight. After Snake rung his bell, Raiden's dumbass decided to get involved and lost both his arms in the process. 
===Act 5: Old Suck===
While on Mei Lings ship, Snake, Meryl and that one dude from the previous MGS games that keeps shitting his pants decide to infiltrate Liquids ship in order to kick his ass and destroy the computer that is running the world. Everything was going smoothly until Snake began to have another seizure. For some reason the syringes filled with horse tranguilizer and geritol that Naomi had given him earlier were no longer working. Right when he was about to get killed, Raiden showed up and pwned all the enemy guards with a sword in his teeth. After that Snake had to walk through a superheated microwave tunnel with the MK 2 to get to the main computer and upload the virus to destroy it. When they got there the MK2 uploaded the virus and destroyed that computer. So really if you think it about Snake didnt really even have to go through the tunnel in the first place. If I were him I would be totally pissed, but I dont think he even noticed. After that Snake and Liquid had one of the most epic yet homoerotic fistfights to the death that the world has ever seen, with Snake eventually emerging victorious. 
===Epilogue: Naked Suck===
At the end of this painfully long story Meryl decides to marry the guy who keeps shitting his pants, besides that ass of hers doesn't quite wiggle like it did in the first game. Raiden decided to make up with his wife, cuz i mean come on, that was like the only thing he had that could hide the fact that he likes to be penetrated by large black men. After Snake decided not to blow his brains out, he was greeted by his father Big Boss who was still alive thanks to scientology. Ok maybe it wasn't scientology but its a way better explanation than the one that was given. Him and Snake make ammends, and Snake decides to live out the rest of his life in peace as a douchebag.
==See Also==
*Metal Gear Solid
*Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty
*Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater
*Solid Snake
*Psycho Mantis
*Otacon