nyuuzyou/wikis huggingface dataset:
How much would Godzilla cum?

Theoretically, Godzilla would weigh 164,000 tons. A blue whale, the biggest mammal to ever live, weighs roughly 120 tons. The average blue whale cums 7.6 gallons. Assuming that the amount of sperm is proportional to body weight, we can make our calculations from there.
To get how many times bigger Godzilla is than a whale, we'll divide 164,000 by 120. The number comes out to be 1366.66x larger.
1366.66*7.6 gallons is 10,386.616 gallons of cum. This is enough cum to fill a 15x15 pool that is 6 feet deep. You can swim laps in Godzilla's cum.
Sperm has a lot of protein. Godzilla could stop world hunger and here's how:
Godzilla feeds off of radiation. This means you should trap Godzilla inside a nuclear power plant and feed him all the radiation. You then make a giant automatic Godzillussy for Godzilla to cum into. You could also have your unpaid interns jerk off the behemoth because unpaid interns are cheaper than a giant sex machine. When you have jerked Godzilla to completion with either method, collect the sperm and send all 10,386.616 gallons of cum to the poor regions of the world. Sperm also has a large amount of water, so you could kill 2 birds with one stone, or shall I say hydrate and feed 2 starving people with 1 bottle of cum.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Copypasta
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Shortpasta
Category:THERY
How to Become a Vampire

Why would you want to forfeit your humanity?
Immortality, hatred towards humanity, or is it simply boredom? You should realize that you will have to kill people. You cannot drink animal blood as it will kill you, or you will vomit if you are lucky. Transfusions work, but good luck getting them - believe it or not, blood banks are well-guarded.
You will also have to move to other places constantly, changing your appearance constantly, and there will be no certainty or stability, just the hope of surviving one more night. Assuming you survive and adapt, unlike most, you will watch the world be destroyed and recreated constantly, watch technology evolve and the horrors and blessings that come with it, and everyone around you will rot away before your very eyes.
You will not be able to form relationships; if they find out what you are, they will run away or try to kill you, and so will the strangers, the people you sit next to on the bus, live with in your apartment, or the people you pass on the street. You will live in constant fear that they will kill you. If they find out what you are, they will kill you out of fear and anger, or - if you're unlucky - cut you open and study you.
Have I convinced you not to? No?
OK, it is ultimately your choice after all.
Let's start.
1. You must not eat or drink for five to six days and must be under 130 pounds.
2. After that you must acquire 3 gallons of blood, a coffin with dirt from your birthplace, a pitch-dark room, a very sharp knife, a candle, and a bucket.
3. Pour the blood into the bucket by your coffin in the dark room. 
4. After this, you must go into the dark room without any clothing, light the candle, lay in the coffin, and use the knife to slit your throat. Drink the blood very quickly. If you are too slow, you will die from blood loss.
If you are quick enough, the wound will heal. Then close the coffin and sleep. You will wake in seven days at midnight.
5. You will be very thirsty. You will go on your first hunt and kill one person. You will have to do this every three days, forever.
Good luck, my friend.
Category:Bad Creepypasta
Category:Rituwel
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
How to Enter and Exit

I don't have much time...the flowers...they were so pretty....I was in a world where things were unreal, and logic was only a memory...
If you wish to go to this world, you must be awake at 3:33, and chant, I am done with reality, take me to the Promised Land three times, and fall asleep. Once you do, here are five rules once you go into this world:
1- don't EVER drink anything that is offered to you. It will be poisonous and you will die immediately (poor little Charlotte. If only she had listened)
2- never go into any of the buildings until 2 in the afternoon. If you go in before or after, you will see horrendous things (I had to leave Blake. He was rambling too much)
3- If someone tries to talk to you, ignore them and go on. (I still hear Mommy screaming. Why didn't she listen to me?)
4- the flowers are dangerous... if you pick any, they will begin to grow all over you (just one more.....I can do it)
5- make sure you have a watch, so when you see that 7:00 struck, you chant, I am done with this world, take me back to reality 5 times.
I hope this helps. The flowers were too pretty, and I picked the roses. How stupid am I?
I...can b...barely...breathe......
Category:Deletion Log Refugees
Category:Bad Creepypasta
Category:Rituwel
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Shortpasta
How to Hunt a Wendigo, or a Skinwalker, or Something

I have an over-inflated view of myself and thought I could take on a Wendigo. I headed into the forest and set up a tent. A few hours went by and there was no sign of a Wendigo. I thought about my sister who was eaten by a Wendigo a few years ago. In her honor I decided to make a s'more for her and put it on a nearby rock.
Suddenly the Wendigo showed and ate her s'more.
"That's not yours!"
I grabbed a stick and started smacking the Wendigo.
"Bad Wendigo! Bad Wendigo!"
"I'm not a Wendigo."
It turned around and revealed itself to look like my dead sister.
"Wait, Wendigos can't shape-shift into humans!"
I wish I would have done better research before Mr. Creeps decided to narrate my story for tens of thousands of people to hear. Damn it!
"Wendigo's don't exist," said the creature.
"Then you're a Skinwalker?"
"No. That s'more you made. You didn't use marshmallows. You used mushrooms from the forest. Magic mushrooms. Also you don't have a sister."
The creature then turned into a Bunny Leprechaun and hopped away. I packed up my stuff and left the forest. I'm never going camping or getting high ever again.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Beings
Category:SMOKE WEED ERRYDAY
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep
Category:Shortpasta
How to Make Babies

__NOTOC__
Welcome to my guide on how to make babies. The art of pleasuring and baby-making have been thought from generations to generations. Sadly enough the world has became worse and worse every day and almost forgotten the good old ways. By following steps you'll become the best baby-maker since... The good old days!
==Step 0: Checking Your Gender==
Knowing what gender you are is always important, just to avoid any confusion along the road. One simple way is to take off your pants and see if you have a sausage or a badly wrapped kebab. If you have the sausage you're a male. If you have a badly wrapped kebab you're a female. If you don't have anything then I'm sorry but you can not participate in this guide, please leave.
==Step 1: Finding Your Partner==
Finding a partner is the most important step in this guide. This ranges from hooking up with complete strangers to having a girlfriend/boyfriend. For males this can be tough. The chase for babies can last for entire years if neccessary. A quick way though would be chatting up that crazy woman that lives off garbage and gum of the ground. For femalse this is easy. Flash your boobs and the guys will come instantely, 99% of times this will always work. After you found your partner check if he/she has any sexual transmitted diseases, because safety is the number one priority here. If he/she does have one then you can take the risk getting diseased, yolo basically, or finding a new partner that doesn't have a disease.
==Step 2: Doing "It"==
The art of baby-making needs both participants, or multiple, to have a good time. Light some candles, plant roses everywhere, paint everything red, just do anything to make it pleasing to you and your partner.
After that is done you and your partner should just do it. Take off your clothes and begin to do your role. The train goes into the tunnel, then the train unloading it's goods, simple as that. If that happened then congratz! You have successully made a baby. If you are a women then your baby will arrive in X amount of months. If you are a man then you don't have to do anything really, if you aren't those weird mutant males who have a womb of course.
==Conclusion==
What have you learned from this guide? How to make babies, how to check your gender and how to hook up with people. Impressive ins't it? Yes, yes it is. I now bid my farewell. Good day to y'all.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Well, that was pointless.
Category:English Class Failure
How to Meet People

The best way to practice meeting new people is to talk to people at the supermarket. See someone put some Dragon Curry Paste in their basket? Just ask them, "What's that?" And point to their basket. Then when they reply, "huh?" Just say, "What's that thing you just put in your basket?" Then they'll say something like, "Uh... it's just some sauce..". Now you've broken the ice.
Try to look a little confused when you ask them and shake your head when they answer, as if they haven't answered your question sufficiently and make sure to just stand there, not moving. By doing this, you will prompt them to ask if you're okay. So they'll go, "Do you need help getting something?"
This is when you say, "I'm looking for kitchen roll."
The person who you're talking to is in the chilled foods aisle, after all, that's where the Dragon brand Curry Paste is at, isn't it? Keep up with the story. So the person should go ahead and say, "Oh, Kitchen roll? That's a couple of aisles over there." And they'll point to the direction of home goods etc.
Just nod your head and don't say anything else and the person should just continue on doing their shopping, if not a little confused about the encounter, but that's okay, that exercise wasn't for them it was for you. So the trial of speaking to strangers, and meeting new people was successful.
That's just one example off the top of my head you can try. If you need any more help, just reply to this comment for another example.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Rituwel
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Shortpasta
How to Prank Your School Principal

Step 1: Go to his office
Step 2: distract him
Step 3: Put a fish on his desk
Step 4: He'll laugh at it and say "Who put this fish on my desk"
Step 5: Turn yourself into a pickle, into Pickle Rick. He will awe in amazement.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Copypasta
Category:Rituwel
Category:Well, that was pointless.
Category:Shortpasta
How to See the Future

Do you want to know how to see the future? Welll here is how. First, take a battery. Any kind will work, but D-cell batteries work the best. Bite the battery, and drink the acid. Then, you should take a bottle of super glue. Rub the super glue on your fingers, and then quickly rip them apart. Then, go outside. Look directly into the sun for precisely 34:32:57. Congratulations! You have now just drank battery acid, ripped the skin off your fingers, and blinded yourself!
Category:Trollpasta
Category:The Title Is A Lie
Category:Wall of Text
Category:Rituwel
Category:WHAT A TWIST!
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Shortpasta
How to Summon Creepypastas

Have you ever tried to summon a "Creepypasta"? Of course, you haven't, you prick. What if I told you can. You'd probably think I'm a crackhead trying to waste your time, but I'm not. Here are some steps to summon any creepypasta you want!
Step 1 - Buy a Greenday jacket. You don't have to do this step, but it will make you unable to be taken seriously, though.
Step 2 - Buy a gun. You'd need a gun later on because shit is gonna hit the fan at step 16.
Step 3 - Grab some fursuits from Walmart. Trust me, I promise it'll be important later, I promise.
Step 4 - After buying these items, you need to wear your fursuits and travel to your nearest flea market.
Step 5 - Once you go to the flea market, scream on the top of your lungs "HOW DO I SUMMON CREEPYPASTAS?!" and you'd wake up the drunk man who's running the crap shack.
Step 6 - The man would then lead you to an old room and show you an old, dusty mirror. The man would then offer the mirror to you for free. This mirror is extremely important to get to the 'Creepypasta Dimension.'
Step 7 - Go back to your local Walmart, buy a shitty ouija board.
Step 8 - Buy some salt. The salt would keep all the creepypastas away from you because it would burn them.
Step 9 - Go back to where ever you live, go to the basement, attic, or upstairs to do the ritual.
Step 10 - Make a pentagram out of salt because everything requires a pentagram these days.
Step 11 - Place the mirror in the middle of the pentagram.
Step 12 - Play any Nickelback song at least once. Listening to Nickelback would put the room in a state of unholiness and angst (which is perfect considering the fact you are trying to 'summon' horror fiction).
Step 13 - After you are done playing Nickelback, turn off all the lights in your household or apartment, and head back to whichever room you did the ritual in.
Step 14 - Close your eyes and whisper whatever Creepypasta you wanted to summon.
Step 15 - Open your eyes.
Step 16 - After you opened your eyes, the Creepypasta you just summoned would try to kill you. Use your gun and kill the thing and the ritual is over.
Immediately after you summoned the fictional horror character, go to your therapist the next day and tell him about the ritual you just did. He would then offer you to eat out for a quick meal and drive you to an asylum. You would then be escorted to a padded room where you'd be given a plate of spaghetti. After you finish your meal, he would then show a room where the Creepypastas are. You would then fall unconscious once you exit the room.
Once you wake up, you would then find yourself inside a dark, unfamiliar area. You can scream help all you want but that isn't gonna save you. You are now in the Creepypasta Dimension. Do you wanna know how I know any of this? That's because I'm Jeff.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Rituwel
Category:WHAT A TWIST!
Category:YT Readings
How to Summon Herobrine

==Socks==
To summon Herobrine:
1. Buy Minecraft leginimiterallylzzz
2. Downgrade your Minecraft to version Alpha 0.00001
3. Set your render distance to tiny
4. Make sure you're playing single player
5. Go chicken hunting
6. Make a Nether Portal
7. Use your chicken feathers to tickle a ghast so that it would stop crying for God's sake
8. When the ghast becomes happy, he will finally open his beautiful eyes and drop down a tear of hapiness unto you
9. Take the tear and then put it in a glass bottle
10. Put some water in a glass bottle
11. Mix the two fluids together, then dip the bottle in lava
12. With your new fluid, milk a cow and add its substance to the bottle of goodness
13. Find a testificate and trade with him and buy a bottle o' enchanting
14. Mix the bottle o' enchanting with the fluid you've made
15. Drink the fluid and end up getting high off of it
16. When you're high, press escape and click "save and quit to tile"
17. Go to your local Best Buy and purchase an Xbox One controller
18. Plug in the Xbox One controller to your PC and restart your Minecraft
19. Load up the same world, and you will resume in your drug-induced trip
20. As you roam around the funky new world, you may see button prompts. Press X B A Y YY YYY YY AA  Q LT RT RS QQQQQ
21. Smash the Xbox One controller right then and there (after pressing Q) and use the proper keyboard and mouse like a real gamer you idiot
22. After doing this, you will see a purple cap lying on the ground. Walk up to it and press E
23. Your character will wear the cap and will then transform into a skinny young man with a handsome moustache and a pointy pink nose
24. You have to then craft a painting and keep placing it on to the wall until you see a picture of a handsome young man with a moustache and a long pink nose.
25. Jump into that painting and you will be transported to a new dimension called "The Shroomz Kingdom Bruh"
26. When you're there, you will see a castle being taken over by a giant pirahna plant. Kill it to death.
27. You will recieve a key and then you will be transported home. Use the key on the door and your character will become Waluigi for good.
28. When you're Waluigi, press ASL;KDFJIAPOISDFALJKDFHLULAUSDHFLKJAFHQQQQQQQQQ and you will hear a screeching sound, like a sad ghast (note that this normally isn't possible since the ghasts are happy now)
29. Turn around and see a handsome young man in a blue T-Shirt with pale white eyes making menacing faces at you. Do nothing at all.
30. He will give you flowers and disappear. Note that these flowers are 3 percent darker than a normal rose, so it's all worth it.
And that's how you summon Herobrine and gain the most valuable item in the game.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Minecrap
Category:Rituwel
Category:Beings
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:SMOKE WEED ERRYDAY
Category:TPOTM
How to Summon a Demon

Summoning a demon is fairly simple. I can explain how to do it in a few easy steps.
# First, find a computer. It doesn't matter who it belongs to, as long as it has a connection to the internet.
# Now, make sure you have a Wikia account. You don't have to use it ever again after this ritual.
# Next, get on Creepypasta wiki. 
# Click the "Contribute" button in the upper righthand corner. Select "Add a page".
# Write the dumbest thing you can think of. For the summoning to be extremely effective, make sure that you include several clichés in the story. Jeff the Killer is also another way to make the summoning work extremely well. Pay no mind to spelling and grammar. Also, completely neglect the idea of a plot. 
# Submit. 
# Within a few minutes, you'll realize you can't do anything on that wiki. 
Congratulations. The summoning is complete.
You've called upon Almairage.
Disclaimer: Tables may be mysteriously flipped without explanation.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Demins and Debbils
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Rituwel
Category:Old Shit
Category:Shortpasta
How to Survive at Sea

My uncle used to take us fishing with long nets and one time we actually caught a swordfish along with some turtles and other shit. He told me he would be right back and climbed into the cabin then came back out holding the swordfish with an 8 inch dildo lodged on top of the horn of the swordfish, he told me he learned it in the navy and it's the best way to get a prostate massage while at sea for a long time because you don't need any batteries to keep it vibrating, as long as you keep it alive it will wiggle and squirm until ejaculation.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Copypasta
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:The Title Is A Lie
Category:Shortpasta
How to Survive to Make It Out Unharmed In a Creepypasta Story

In short the answer is to be the narrator, nothing ever happens to them, but the problem with that is there is usually going to be an evil presence fallowing then, but this is how you live without those problems.
If you are ever in a situation when your life is in danger and you can't explain this person or creature and you recognize them from the internet, here is what you do, if you can write your address on a peace of paper (it doesn't matter if that is were you are just do it) then get the paper into water like the sewer or a lake (flushing it down the toilet works the but) then you need to do everything to keep your distance from the attacker because they are about to get hit by a rainbow painted van at up to 120 mph.
If this doesn't kill the attacker don't worry, the boys inside it will, at this point you can watch because you are safe and they are no longer coming after you, the attackers always go after the guys in the van after that. Then 1 to 4 guys will get out of the car and fire crossbows at the attacker, the arrows are somehow always effective and even if it doesn't work eventually they will find something out. The next time you leave your home try to take a few things of value because it probably wouldn't be there when you get back, as payment they take pretty much everything of value out of your house (that's what the address is for) it you aren't at home when you call them your stuff probably won't be there when you get back.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Well, that was pointless.
Category:Rituwel
Category:Shortpasta
How to Train Your Dick

Good mornin' folks. I'm Randy Analson here, and I'm gonna show y'all men and women how to train yer own dick. Jus' ter be clear, dis shit ain't no guide to grow yer own dick the size of the Eiffel Tower. Naw. Naw, this guide be fer men with dicks the size of the goddamn Ol' Mississippi River or dem men with dicks smaller than one of those fancy-schmancy subatomic particles dem bitches be pumpin' out in the LHC or some shit like that.
STEP ONE: Treat yer dick like a friend. Pat it, stroke it, give it a back rub. Now, some of dem people might call this shit masturbation, but yer doin' this for yer dick, not yer self. Feed it stuff: the urethrer is actually a mouth-hole. I need a volunteer. Junior! Bubba! Go grab that guy jacking off in the corner!
Okay, look here folks. I got his dick, and I have an orange. Now, lemme stuff it into his urethrer—
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH HOLY FUCKING SHIT OH GOD HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK MY LIFE!!!!" OH MY DICK!!!! HOLY FUCK!!!!"
dick explodes*
Wait. Shit. Dammit, we killed him. Oh well, can't let this orange go to waste.
munch munch* 
STEP TWO: This might be the most painful step. You must place your own dick in a blender while it is still attached to your body. After all, what doesn't kill your dick makes it stronger, able to win the cockfighting tournaments! Another volunteer? How about the guy having anal sex with himself?
Let me carefully insert his dick in the blender... aaaannd...
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
Dick smoothie, anyone?
STEP 3 COMING SOON
Category:Trollpasta
Category:TOTALLY NOT UNFINISHED U GUIZE
Category:Pointless Violence
Category:Title that makes babbies laugh
Category:WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT
Category:ENGLISH, MUDDAFUGGA! DO YOU SPEAK IT?!
Category:Rituwel
Category:Excessive Profanity
Category:Shortpasta
How to Write a Video Game Pasta

First, explain a little about your game. Let's take Super Mario Bros. as an example.
"Everybody knows Super Mario Bros, right? It's a game with two dudes that rescue a princess that keeps getting kidnapped by an evil turtle."
Now, find a reason for your character to get the game. It can be anything from nostalgia, liking the series and wanting to play the original to see how far it's come, or just really wanting to play video games.
But before we get to the game, the character needs to get it from some shady place, ranging from a website nobody's heard of, to some store that just happens to be closing.
Now you're ready to get your character playing the game!
Make the character play like normal, and then something really spooky happens, like blood in games without blood, or worse, knowing the player's name!
Then pass all that off as a glitch.
Keep adding to the spookiness until the game character gets killed and can't come back, no matter how many times you reset the game.
Your character needs to be shocked by this or your pasta sucks, it's a rule.
Have them give up and actually be affected by the game.
"I'm never playing another Super Mario Bros. game again."
Then make them die or be haunted by a ghost that was in the game all along.
Then the ghost kills them.
But the story's still on the internet because the ghost is very kind and won't just leave all that work unposted.
Good luck writing!
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Vidya games
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Well, that was pointless.
Category:Lost Episodes
Category:Shortpasta