nyuuzyou/wikis huggingface dataset:
Wheeling Jesuit University/People/Pelikan

What has science done?! 
==Origins==
No one is completely sure as to the origins of the monstrous behemoth known as Pelikan. Some say that his existence is a result of countless generations' worth of inbreeding, producing a life-form that barely resembles the human form. The alternative theory, one gaining more credibility by the day, is that he originates from somewhere near Chernobyl and that his size and power are due largely to heavy exposure to high levels of radiation. Indeed, scientists have debated for years as to whether or not Pelikan can properly be classified as a living creature, let alone a human being. Diverging theories however also claim that he is an homunculus, or hive organism. The answer, however, is purely academic: it will not stop his reign of destruction no matter how he is categorised.
==Powers==
Most of Pelikan's powers manifested themselves during his stay at Campion/McHugh on Wheeling Jesuit University, where the toxic fumes emitted by the air conditioning vent only served to increase his destructive capability. He is able to release toxic gas on his own, and his hulking mass makes him nearly impervious to most conventional weapons.
 
Despite his clear offensive capability, not even the League of Evil has condescended to consider employing Pelikan among their ranks. His absence during the SAGA may be more to do with the fact that he had failed out and did not return until the Prauge Spring II: Electric Boogaloo at WJU in 2003. 
Currently, the only being capable of controlling Pelikan is Dr. Ubermann. 
The use of Pelikan in a war zone has been strictly prohibited by an international law making body, and his room mate. It is considered a war crime to make use of him and his powers.
==Have you seen this man?==
He is well-known for having pioneered the theory of wang biting.
 
If you do see this man in the streets and you have a weapon of any kind whatsoever handy, please - attack the groin area for best results.
==See Also==
*God
*AAAAAAAAA!
Pelikan
Category:Meat
Category:Articles Featuring The Electric Boogaloo
Wheeling Jesuit University/People/Prophet Jessica

Prophet Jessica was Wheeling Jesuit University's only certified prophet and director of the Office of Multicultural Affairs for many years until a mysterious time shift caused her to vanish from our thread of consciousness entirely. Her journeys into the psychic realm were largely kept a secret until they were fully uncovered and revealed to the public by COSBI. Unfortunately, her Paypal account is no longer active, so you can no longer send her generous donations.
Prophet Jessica earned a great deal of infamy through her website, which is now closed. Some claim that she never was a prophet but simply a hack in the business for the money. Still, others claimed that she was set up by a clone and was never meant to look bad. The official word from the WJU Board of Governors continues to be "bite me".
According to authoritative sources, Prophet Jessica gained her prophetic powers after she met with Pope John Paul II - "met" meaning that she was one of millions of people who turned out to see him riding in the invincible Popemobile. After that, she was a changed woman, and promised to use her psychic gifts for the good of humanity - but for a reasonable price, of course. She frequently ties in her promotions with numerous Internet shopping sites. These sites are obviously run by her loyal followers.
==Predictions==
Of course, Prophet Jessica has made many predictions. Like most good prophets, she has predicted the end of the world three times: once in 1997, once in 1998, and an upcoming one in 4110. Regarding this latest prediction, she claims that she "carried the wrong 6" when receiving the message from the Astral Plane. She has predicted two campus plagues: a plague of kudzu in 1972, which did not happen, and a plague of cats in 1985, which almost happened when a semi full of cats overturned just in front of Greco's. Thanks to The Back Gate, only 3 of the 68,094 cats made it onto university soil. Nevertheless, the Board of Governors used the "cat outbreak" as an excuse to increase tuition by another 7%.
She predicted that Wheeling would be the next site for a NASA launch pad, which never happened. She also predicted that Idi Amin would come to Oglebay to die. Although Idi Amin did die, he did it in the comfort of his orange crates and not where she suggested. Prophet Jessica correctly predicted an outbreak of syphillis in T-More, but it was bound to happen anyway and doesn't really count as a prediction.
In 1993, she predicted that Wheeling Jesuit University was about to cease operation permanently. The closest the university has ever come to termination was the Kathy Mattea concert. Other than that, the university is in mostly good health. Mostly.
Prophet Jessica
Wheeling Jesuit University/Publications/*SPAM*PHRASE:

The *SPAM*PHRASE: is the now preferred method of relaying "unformation" to the student body of Wheeling Jesuit University. Since regular emails constitute a violation of the Crimethink Laws of 1973 the administration was forced to use spam mail so that they didn't break their own laws and by extension, negate their entire existence. A team was formed in early 2002 by Lundius Superbus consisting of a Bear from the colony, Brian Peppers, a fern, and 2 people missing their frontal lobes. By late 2004 the team had reach a predictable end. The bear had mauled the 2 people missing their frontal lobes and run off with the fern, leaving Brian Peppers to complete the project. Spam was selected as the ideal vehicle for conveying information and accordingly at the start of 2005-2006 academic year Cardinal Online was closed and all relevant student information was encoded in *S_p4M* format and distributed through a 56k modem. Since then, students have completely disregarded all emails from the administration as "completely f***ing useless."
==SPAMaghetti==
In more recent times the emails from the administration have been used in many drinking game where the participants down a beer for every spelling error or grammatical mistake they find. The game has fallen off slightly in popularity as local stores run out of beer or those playing succumb to "blood in the alcohol stream syndrome" and die.
SPAM
Wheeling Jesuit University/Publications/Analysis of a Theory of Wang Biting

Analysis of a Theory of Wang Biting is an academic piece of theoretical writing authored by Pelikan of Wheeling Jesuit University. It was written and published in 2002, although it was rejected by a panel of historians headed by Prince Coxar. 
==The Paper==
The following is the paper reproduced in its entirety. 
:"The statement given to me in the first few paragraphs in the work by Brubaker is that wang biting is the grouping of persons by common sexual preferences and bite styles. He does not state that wang biting is started by a shared religion, but more of a feeling that the 'homeland' AKA penile area is the greatest biting factor. He makes great strides in these conclusions by telling of the fall of the two greatest European powers in World War I, the Ottoman and Hapsburg empires. He states that the old-fashioned 'traditional wang empires' no longer work and are just archaic compared to the new 'homeland' wang biting." 
:Levi Jackass Pelikan
==Analysis==
Pelikan makes several erudite points in his discussion of what he terms to be "wang biting". In his later works, he coined several terms pertaining to this theory, including "wang communist" and "mega-wang", suggesting a fascination with comparative studies relating geopolitics to male genatalia. Naturally, his foray into this new study of history had been met with a great deal of hostility from the majority of the academic community, and most regards his theories as nothing more than a steaming pile of horseshit. 
It is important to note that this melding of the study of history and sociology is not unprecedented at Wheeling Jesuit University - popular notions of "sponateous historical forces" guiding people mysteriously to pursue a set "historical path of progress" has led to many important relevations, including justification for the "unfortunate" German Volk who had "no choice" but to join the Nazi party during World War II. 
==Impact==
Because of his groundbreaking work in the study of wang biting, Pelikan was heavily chastised by many professors at WJU and elsewhere, allowing him to finish his first year at the university with a mind-bogglingly low cumulative GPA (grade point average). Some critics suggest that his results are less to do with persecution than they are to do with playing Grand Theft Auto with an ass machine strapped to his forehead for several hours at a time. 
Analysis
Wheeling Jesuit University/Publications/Cold Wa

The Cold Wa refers to the standoff between the United States and the Soviet Union that lasted from the end of World War II to the fall of the Berlin Wall and the subsequent end of the Soviet Union. It is not to be confused with the "Cold War", which is an actual historical term. It pronounced as "Cold WAAAAAAH!", the latter syllable being akin to the sound made by a ninja before striking. 
==Origins==
"Cold Wa" is a termed coined by Wheeling Jesuit University's illustrious Prince Coxar, and was made popular by WJU's Own Tom. Prince Coxar determined that the long standing notion of the Cold War was largely inaccurate and sought to correct it by instructing his 20th century class about the Cold Wa instead. It has proven to be a hit with the students, as they all now command a much clearer understanding of the postwar era, more than an undergraduate at any other university. Of course, this is predicated upon the notion that students actually pay attention in class, which is not always the case. 
==Differences==
The differences between the Cold War and the Cold Wa are subtle, but very necessary. The former necessarily concentrates on the diplomatic chess match that was constantly being played between the U.S. and the U.S.S.R., while the latter places a much greater focus on the role of dinosaurs in the conflict. Also, while typical study of the Cold War only mentions Soviet leader Gorbachev towards the very end, the Cold Wa understands Gorbachev or "Gorby" to be the ultimate catalyst for historical change all throughout man's recorded existence. 
==See Also==
*Prince Coxar
*Analysis of a Theory of Wang Biting
Cold Wa
Wheeling Jesuit University/Publications/Moore's Booke of Academic Martyrs

Also known as The Actes and Monumentes of the Manye Perelious Dayes Spente at Wheelinge College, touchinge allso the greate ande manye illes of the presente kingeshippe, Moore's "Greate Booke of Academic Martyrs" chronicles the many victims of the administrative purges that characterise the history of Wheeling Jesuit University. It traces the lives of many professors and students who attempted to reform the academic system and suffered greatly for it. 
The book is in three parts. The first part chronicles the academic martyrs in the school's distant past. The second portion details the extensive persecutions under Fed Acker Huang. The third and final portion details the latest persecutions under the Lundian prelates and El Presidente. 
In modern times, this book has gained much influence over the secretive reform-minded circles of academics. They take inspiration from many of the tales of the brave academic martyrs to steel themselves for the unpleasant prospects they face. More to this, they use it as a guide to avoiding the same fate.
==A Selection from the Book==
What follows is an example of academic persecution from the reign of Lundius Superbus, copied directly from the book's first edition.
===The Dreadefulle Plighte of Doctore Hans===
===The Persecutiones of Doctore "X"===
==Controversy==
Moore's Booke of Academic Martyrs remained in fairly limited circulation since its first publishing run in 1357, but was rediscovered by several attendees of what was then known as Wheeling College in 1861. These students, whose specific names are lost to history, called themselves "The Infallibles", and they made significant additions, translations, and updates to the book. They also secured the rights to publish the book in secret, and it was well-received by the students.
The book remained in circulation for many years, with new incarnations of The Infallibles continually adding and correcting Moore's original text. However, when The Infallibles and the text were discovered in 1985 by Fed Acker Huang and his secret police, he immediately dubbed the book "dangerous" and rounded up every member of The Infallibles he could find and had them killed, as well as burning almost every copy of the book.
In 2004, Great White Mother continued this crusade by officially banning the book in any form on campus, and forbade students from reading it under pain of Double Secret Probation. Today, Moore's Booke of Academic Martyrs remains one of WJU's most inflammatory banned texts, along with the WJU Saga and Thar Be Dinosaurs Hurr!. Great White Mother attempted to implement Maximum Anti-Social Probation on the book's authors; unfortunately for her, they have been dead for more than 600 years.
Moore's Booke of Academic Martyrs
When Suicide Goes Wrong

It is very rare for killing yourself to go wrong, and it is usually only possible through a fatal error. However, due to amazing human prowess and Emo kid incompetency, there are a variety of ways to fail at suicide. The most famous failed self-cide is that of JFK, which was totally unsuccessful and caused someone to shoot him. Some ways to fail include using elastic to hang yourself, injecting soap into your veins (which actually clears blood clots), shooting yourself with a flare gun, cry yourself to sleep, inhaling oxygen and waiting for the pollution to kill you, complaining about how life sucks to your friends who don't give a rat's ass, giving yourself paper cuts and jumping off a high-dive. There is a great moral dilemma over whether failing is better than succeeding at Suicide
=== The Experience of Failing at Myself-cide ===
All accounts suggest that failing to kill yourself is a deeply embarrassing and often painful process. First, this failure reassures the belief that they are in fact useless at everything. Second, injecting soap into your veins creates an unpleasant sensation known as horrific and abominable pain. Many reattempt the process after consulting an expert, or professional Emo. Proffessional emos can cut their wrist with anything on hand, including CDs, spoons, fortune cookies, dollar bills or in the lack of anything else, their fingernails (which are painted black). These few survive time and time again to pass on the knowledge of how to end your life and rid the world of another whiner. The also live just to make the world suffer Emo Music.
== What To Do When Self-cide Goes Wrong ==
When self-cide goes wrong, you know your really not worth killing, just not worth it. But if youre not worth it, than wouldnt you kill yourself because youre worthless? But that doesn't work, so you stop trying. OR you can get advice from people with experience in successful self-cide. Oh but than theyre dead, so yeah...
Maybe you should like run in front of a truck or something. Think of it this way, if you dont die, you can always become happier by blaming the driver and suing him!
== When to comit Your Name-cide ==
If this ring indicates you are tense, restless, frustrated, uncertain, jittery, stressed or nervous you should commit Your Self-cide.
== Making Sure Me-cide Goes Right ==
There is only one way to guarantee success at suicide. Go into the middle of detroit after emptying your bank account. Start counting your money at midnight. Not only does this guarantee an end to your life, it also makes sure some nice men in uniforms will take an interest, thus supplying them with work and making your life (or death) have purpose. The uniform people will also likely mutilate and rape your corpse.
== In Conclusion ==
This page makes me depressed. I'm going to go consult the ancient emo masters and cut myself.
Category:Articles written in the first person
When the Whistle Blows

When the Wind Blows is a British television sitcom about having laughs. Created, written by and starring Ricky Gervais, the show is set in a Wigan factory, next to a secret studio where the band Coldplay record their newest singles. The show is notable for being a parody of self-porclaimed "sofisticated" comedies, such as The Office, Frasier and Celebrity Big Brother. For example, the scene where Chris Martin arrives to the factory from nowhere and starts singing, is a reference to the Ben Stiller film Night at the Museum where comic genius Ricky Gervais appeared for a few seconds.
==Cast and characters==
350px|right
:Main article: Characters of When the Winter Begins
* Ricky Gervais as Larry David
* Ugly Betty as Maggie Thatcher
* Michael Richards as Darren Goat
* Shaun of Extras as David from NYPD Blue
* Greg Lindley-Jones as The Joker
==Episodes==
When the Wiener Blown's most notable episode is perhaps the one featuring Gary Shandling, which was a sharp parody of Jewish comedy sitcoms. In the episode, Shandling plays a Jew who tries to get hired in the factory, but is denied by the character played by Gervais, while it was obvious that the only reason is Shandling's rude behaviour and not his Jewishness. Another famous Where the Wanker Bursts episode shows Gervais shouting a catchphrase in a silly wig and stupid glasses, but later it becomes obvious that he just meant to mock a performance of Elton John.
Woody Allen was replaced at the last moment by Jude Law. Allen said his decision was because Gervais isn't broad enough for him, claiming that "Ricky is just not Ricki anymore".
The 4.5-hours long final episode was entitled Why the Wet Breasts? Behind The Blow and won the show's first BAFTA award, Best Continuing Drama.
==Extras==
The show is famous for using no extras. All of the background artists are expensive British and American actors and not ordinary people. Nontheless, BBC managed to save some money by getting Robert DeNiro for a couple of scenes of When the Woodie Bones. Appearently his last good movie was 15 years ago, so he made it possible to cover the cost of Les Dennis.
==See also==
*When the Winslet Blows
Category:BBC Programmes
Whenitakemypantsoff

It has long been known that people do things in different ways; Some say 'tomayto', others prefer 'tomato'. Fortunately, the different ways are usually tolerated by society and thrown into a giant 'melting pot' (nb if you are thinking of cooking, ensure you use only one pronunciation of tomato). 
Sometimes, society rejects ways of doing things and they grow to become 'taboo' methods. This label often influences people to abandon particular methods as there are social penalties for engaging things which are taboo. 
One such taboo is taking your pants off unconventionally. 
For decades the taboo has been strengthened by both movies and tv shows where 'normal' men are portrayed taking their pants off in a sophisticated, disciplined manner. Even in comedic portrayals, the pants-removing is consistently symmetrical and coordinated; Years of this has resulted in a social stigma for alternative methods.
For too long, styles which deviate from the tv/movie norm have been held in subtle social contempt, such that I consider it my duty, my obligation and my responsibility, to restore to social acceptability the following method of taking off my pants:
== Method ==
When I take my pants off, I start by bending my elbows and grabbing my pants at the waist. My eyes find the ground 3 metres in front of my feet. At this same moment I begin crouching forward, letting my weight shift so that it would seem as if I am going to sit. Then, I look up and effect a quizzical expression that is best described as half grimace, half regal indignation (the purpose of this expression is to combat any intruders who would use my impending semi-nudity against me). After a few seconds of this, I reach the familiar half-way point where my pants are fully below my underwear. I'll say to myself, 'It's downhill from here, man!' With a lazy shove, my pants meander down to my shins at which point my resent at the uncomfortable crouching over climaxes, causing the resumption of an upright posture, and therefore, a typically challenging final phase in the pants removing. Stepping on the left pant leg with my right foot, I draw my left leg out, making sure to give it a while to bask in its newfound freedom. Momentarily after, I wiggle my right foot to position the pants for a triumphant flick into the corner (Often, this will take 2 or 3 attempts, as the pants are still being half-worn around the ankles). With persistence, the pants are sent to their rightful spot - the floor - in a flight which is often understated, due to a preoccupation with the pleasant feeling of pantslessness.
== Conclusion ==
In conclusion, I hope that those who find themselves in the above method are now partly relieved of the stress which comes with practising a taboo. In our banding together, we can resurrect the acceptability of this arbitrarily forbidden method, making all those who naturally prefer it feel more comfortable so that we can live, pants-removingly in a more tolerant, pleasant and Caucasian society (like Nigeria).
Category:Literature