Luis Arraez

Luis S-angel (Shit Angel) Arraez is a Venezuelan baseball infielder. He has previously got freaky with the Minnesoda Twin Towers, Miami Marshmallows, and San Diego Daddies. Arraez earned the nickname "La Regadera," which is spanish for "The Sprinkler," for sprinkling fent into his teammates gatorade bottles.
==MINNNESSSOTTAAAA==
====Love at First Sight====
Arraez signed with Minnesota Twin Convicts on a little person contract worth tons of fent. As an international free ass, Arraez joined the Twins at just 6 month olds. The Twinheads dragged Luis out to the field so that he could touch balls, and they introduced him to his first baseball bat. Oh my. A beautiful shade of wood it was. Amazing curvature, a knob not too thick, light enough to carry all day long. Mmmmmmm.In his first season of minor league fentball, Arraez batted 348 times with a boner, and drove in 15 illegal immigrants. Arraez claims his great season couldn't have happened without his girlfriend, Wooden Bat. After being promoted to the KGB Twins, Arraez and his lover continued being a poggers duo. Arraez was named a postseason all shitter and his bat was named Bat of the Year. They celebrated with anal bat sex. Arraez engaged to his bat before 2016, offering her the most beautiful fentanyl ribbon. He proceeded to have the best minor touching spree in history, getting 66 backshots and batting 347 times with a GERTHY boner. Sadly, Arraez would soon learn it's not all sunshine and rainbows...
During the 3rd game of the 2017 season, the Twin fentanyl league team faced off against the Miami minors. Seeing Miami made Arraez want to try "Watch This" for the very first time. The pitcher tossed their nut at Arraez, and he hit a 600ft crapshot home run. In a horrifying scene, Luis's fiancé snapped in half afterwards. Arraez looked like Rocket Raccoon crying in Guardians 3, as the game was postponed for like 3 seconds cuz it was just a bat. Arraez was given the rest of the season off to mourn, and he promised himself he would avoid home runs. He still took the remains of the bat home with him that night. Moaning was heard from his bedroom.
====Major League Fent====
On May 17, 2019, The Minnesota Twin druggies dragged Arraez out of his home to play baseball. Arraez, absolutely miserable, set a record of watching bat-porn for 2 straight years. The Twinshitters knew how to cheer him up tho, and brought out the Sue Storm inspired bat. He folded immediately.
Arraez made his debut against the Seattle Magiks, who had some shitty ass teleports or something. Arraez collected his first fent overdose, and celebrated by touching his bat inappropriately. He began getting called "Namor." A week later, Arraez accidently hit his first career home run against the Los Angeles Anaheim Angeles Angels of Los Angeles Anaheim California Angels. He rage quit on the spot. Arraez finished his first season with a MLB leading 73% misgendering rate. Although he had a productive first season, Arraez was displeased because his new bat wasn't as good in bed.In the 2020 season, Arraez was required to go through standard Minnesota Twin Tower protocol, and fly into 2 towers. Since [REDACTED] already took out the twin towers, Arraez had to just ram into the Eiffel tower. He failed though, mistaking a common cell phone tower for his objective. He was told to fuck off for 2021, so he drilled a hole in his bat and well...
====All Sex (with a bat)====
After buying the Malice skin for his bat, Arraez came all fent'd up for 2022. He truly excelled this season at being a slapdick shitter, as opposing players could not get his dick out of the bat. In early June, Arraez jerked off 5 times against the Blue Gays. This was the 2nd most jerks ever at Blue Gay stadium, only 64 behind Reese. 4 days later, Arraez accidently homered off Cole from Ninjago in the 1st inning. "FUCK!" he screamed as he left the stadium. Cole from Ninjago got hit with 30 more home runs, setting an MLB record. It turns out the Minnesota Twinz are homophobic.
2 days later, Arraez accidently hit a Grand Slam off Shane Savgur. He crashed out on the field. After seeing him OD on fent, MLB gave Arraez his first career all sex appearance. At the all sex game, they gave him a Psylocke alt-skin inspired bat.
Although the Minnesota Twin Towers COLLAPSED in SEPTEMBER, Arraez finished off to his bat. He had the highest contact percentage in the league, as he had a knack for putting his bat in the "right spot." His 316 batting average stopped MVP winner Aaron Judge from winning the triple shitter, which ruined Judge's Halloween. After the season ended, he broke into Arraez's house to beat him up. Arraez was unharmed, because Judge can't hit in October.
==The Anti Watch This==
In January of 2023, Arraez was reported for trying to orchestrate a threesome at Twins stadium (1 human, 2 bats). Minnesota shipped him off to Miami as punishment, as the only crime they condone is terrorism. In return for Arraez, the Tins got the blue fucking penguin from Backyardigans. Before he could ever stroke a Marshmallow bat, Arraez committed to play for team Venezuela in the world baseball shitter.
====Slavery 2====
After molesting 3rd world countries, team Venezuela advanced to face AMERICA. Arraez accidently homered in the 1st inning. He stabbed the nearest minority. However, Arraez accidently hit another home run to tie the game and save his team from death. He stabbed the nearest 2 minorities. Despite his unintentional heroics, it proved worthless as Trea Turner, brother of Megan Turner, bombed Venezuela and became it's King. Arraez has been forced to take AP Lang every year for the rest of his life. At the very least, Arraez got to taste some international bat-ussy.
====Stantons Shitter====
On April 11, Arraez made Marshmallow history by becoming the first player to ever run a mile. He was forced by his teammates to hit a home run in this game, so Arraez ripped their penises off. Despite everyone telling him to say "Watch This", Arraez said "nah. imma do my own thing." He gently kissed his bat, saying "I would never inflict such barbaric methods onto you."
Arraez had a historic season, getting tons of fent hits per game. By June, Arraez was setting MLB history by being the only player in the league to still have braces. He developed a special bond with his waterproof bat, and because of it he squirted on the field many, many times. Arraez set an MLB record by having three 5 squirt games in one month. When asked about his historic stretch of hitting, Arraez said...
"Everyday, I go out there and work my butt off. I just tell myself that, no matter what, I'm gunna do my absolute best. I trained hard to be the player I am. I stick my penis into a bat every morning. As long as I keep giving my all, I know I can be one of the best in the game for a long time."
Bro might have threw in a fun fact.
In July, Arraez was named an all sex starter, so he started fingering his bat. One can only squirt for so long though, and by late August Arraez returned to being a normal fent. By some miracle, the Miami marshmallows went to the postseason for the first time since 1853. Arraez was caught saying "Giancarlo never took Miami to the playoffs! Fuck your watch this!" By saying watch this out loud, Arraez's bat exploded into many bits. It's ok though because that was his sidepiece bat.
Miami's dream season came to an end when Bryce Harper dropped a nuke on them. Arraez's dream did not end though, as he got to stick in his stick. He won his 2nd batting title in a row, this time with a record 354 drug raids. He also won a silver smacker award, giving him permission to beat up his bat (she wasn't good in bed).
==Sex Diego==
In the winter of 2024, the Miami Marshmallows sought out a medical professional to check out a rash on their managers ass. It turns out that the team has a major allergy to winning baseball games.
====The Great Escape====
After telling the team to be ass, the Marshmallows started the season going 0-10. Some would call them 2 Houston Astros and a half. Arraez was going through his hoe phase, using 30 different bats in 30 games. The Marshmallows set an MLB record for most depressed baseball players on one team. Miami was cheap as hell, and only payed their players 2 condoms. This was not enough for Arraez to buy more fent, so he orchestrated a rebellion. He threatened the Marshmallows to send him to a different team, or else he would pull his dick out of the bat and start winning baseball games.
In a MASSIVE trade to the San Diego Daddies, the Miami Marshmallows sent Arraez alongside $15M. The money was to cover plastic surgery for Arraez's newest bat bitch. In return, Miami recieved both dillon HEAD and woo SUCK go. I think the Marlins were looking to get freaky that night. Sadly for them, dillon HEAD shot himself and would be out for the season. Miami would have no head for a year.
Other Marshmallows tried to leave Miami with Arraez, but they couldn't get on the plane because all the seats were filled with bats. The players remained behind, broke and miserable. Surely they wouldn't be persuaded to play deadly childrens games.
====Shit Diego====
Since the Padddies were battling the Arizona deathsnails, Arraez had to take his fent to Phoenix. He joined in the battle against the University, becoming the first Dad to stroke it 4 times in his team debut. As a welcome gift, Fernando Titties constructed Arraez a motorized, vibrating bat. ZAMN!
After taking a pitstop in Chicago to see some penises, Arraez was taken to Petco Park for the very first time. He was shown the statue of Daniel Camarena and was offered one prayer in front of it. He wished for tons of fent. His first game at Pecto Park came against the LA Dogshitters, and they were ready for their usual Padre molesting session. Neither team was willing to get rubbed, so it went down to a tie in the 9th inning. Arraez had a quick talk with his bat before batting.
"Do you trust me baby?" he uttered softly to his bat. It "allegedly" nodded back to him. Arraez proceeded to hit the first pitch a whopping 2mph and scored the winning run. The Dads erupted with joy, after beating the Doggers for the first time since Josh Hater called them the n word. Arraez went wild with his tongue, freaking out the children in the crowd. He immediately cemented himself as an icon of San Diego for his sexual misconduct.
====SIlly Goose====
In late May, Arraez accidently hit his first Paddie home run. Arraez was ready to shoot up the stadium, but Manny Machado calmed him down by putting a bat in his mouth like a pacifier. Still, Arraez remained a premier squirter and was named an all sex again. He got UNBELIEVABLE head from a Luna Snow bat. It was around this time though that Arraez got his thumb stuck in the bat and it was amputated. Although he still felt up his bat at an above average rate, his contributions were minimal and the Daddies looked like they would get buttfucked another season.
At the trade deadline, San Diego became a larger asylum for Miami Marshmallows as they acquired Tanner Bot and Bryan HOEing. Hoeing is the 5th cousin, 8th removed, of LJ Hoes. After becoming the San Diego Marshmallows, the dads went freaky and won 80 straight seasons. Arraez got to reconnect with his Miami friend Tanner Bot, and shared his fent with him. They left out Bryan HOEing from the bat threesome though. In the middle of the threesome, Arraez saw a business card fall out of Tanner's anus. It had a circle triangle and square, but Arraez was too deep in his bat to care.
After slutting their way to the playoffs, the Daddies got bat-fucked by the Dodgers and were publicly hanged. One of the bright spots of the year was that Arraez stopped another triple shitter, as he jerked off 3 more times than Shohei Ohtani. Ohtani retaliated by convincing Tanner Bot to leave the Dads and go to the Doggers. If I had a bullet for every former Padre left handed pitcher that went to the Dodgers, I'd have shot myself twice.
With the San Diego Pobres being a broke ass team, they began showcasing Arraez, sexually, to other teams. While Arraez wishes to stay in San Diego because they supply amazing bat-fleshlights, he recognizes that he may have to stick it in in another city. Wherever Arraez ends up, we can be sure that the fent crisis will raise dramatically.
Category:Baseball players