German O'keefe Network of Elite Cocaine Addicts, Mostly Pureblood Irishmen 'N' Germans

The German O'Keefe Network of Elite Cocaine Addicts, Mostly Pureblood Irishmen 'N' Germans, or G.O.N.E.C.A.M.P.I.N.G for short, was an Irish drug cartel who sold crack to old people. It was founded by German O'Keefe.
It operated sometime during the 20th century, however it's unclear exactly when it started. This is because the Irish police are always pissed and can't tell anyone without vomiting on them. And on top of that, every officer who knew has since died of alcohol poisoning.
=== Etymology ===
G.O.N.E.C.A.M.P.I.N.G. got its name from the excuse O'Keefe used whenever leaving to smuggle crack into Dublin Retirement Village for the Criminally Insane. It seems he thought of the acronym first, and then tried to work out what the letters would stand for, as he didn't do a very good job of the latter. For example, the C.A. in the name stands for cocaine addicts, despite the fact that the group's members were cocaine smugglers, and that their clients were the actual addicts.
Some have suggested its members may genuinely have been crack addicts, however this is unlikely as they would have snorted all the crack they were smuggling before they got to their destination.
=== History ===
The cartel was started by German O'keefe, a prominent IRA member and Nazi. Before the cartel was discovered, O'Keefe had a long history of cocaine trafficking. In 1985, it was discovered he'd been selling cocaine to his 90 year old grandfather in Dublin Retirement Village for the Criminally Insane. He received a month's community service at the same retirement village, and accidentally killed his grandfather by selling him another 8,000 ounces. Luckily for him, the authorities couldn't be fucked convicting him of manslaughter, probably because they already had to convict him of it every time he blew up a protestant.
When O'Keefe was caught taking heroine, they actually got off their arses for once and sentenced him to another 100 years hard labour at the same retirement village. He made a large fortune over the following years selling crack to the old people, until the eventual Royal Commission into the affair.
The commission revealed the existence of G.O.N.E.C.A.M.P.I.N.G. and pissed off the Irish, who didn't like the UK establishing Royal Commissions in their country. They insisted that the local Dublin Police carry out the investigation, who weren't sober enough to do their job properly. This allowed O'Keefe to resist arrest fairly easily, and go into hiding in a pub or something. No one knows for certain where he went, as he was never seen again until his suicide.
G.O.N.E.C.A.M.P.I.N.G itself was shut down, and O'Keefe gave each of its members a lifetime supply of Guinness and Pißwasser as compensation. However much to their dismay, they couldn't drink any of it as they were all in prison. Legend has it they all became prison fags, leading O'Keefe, a rampant homophobe, to cut all communication with them.
=== Ties to the Nazi Party ===
The cartel's members were all either Irishmen or Germans, and were of pureblood Aryan stock. The children of its members were usually forced to join at a young age, even the black ones, who pretended to be severely sunburnt. This obsession with racial purity, combined with the fact that O'Keefe himself was a Nazi, has prompted a few to speculate the organisation may have had ties to the Nazi Party. Given the proof is right in front of them, these few are clearly retarded.
Category:Acronyms
Category:Drug Smugglers