Water chipmunks

The water chipmunk gained its name because of the nature of its young. The young can be identified as chipmunk-like creatures swimming in shallow bodies of water, such as puddles, inflatable swimming pools, and toilets. The young are not dangerous, except to each other, because they are born by the hundred, and only the strongest survive by eating their brutish contemporaries. The Giant Mutant Herbivore South American Flat Tailed Water Chipmunks (Castor mutensis also henceforth known as the GMhSAFTWC).
The GMHSAFTWC is a not-so-distant relative of the North American beaver, a partially aquatic dwelling mammal that likes to bite at trees in order to nourish itself. There has been talk of beavers tending toward cannibalism, but this is purely speculation. The genesis of Castor mutensis is a curious one indeed, full with adventure, guesswork, and Tarantino-worthy gore.
== The Origin of the Species ==
The story of the conception of Castor mutensis begins with the appearance of a renowned professor of North American Mammal History at Stanford University. This professor, known as William Butler Yeats, was an avid researcher of evolutionary trends in the Canadian [beaver]] which is slightly rarer than those in the USA. He decided to insert beavers into a completely alien environment in order to observe their development and possibly create the water chipmunks.
== The Beginning of the Yeats' Study ==
Here is an excerpt from the diary of the professor himself:
=== After Tranquilizing ===
This is an excerpt stolen from a black slave working for the professor, written by Jack Black.
=== Moving Upstream: The Journey Continues ===
This excerpt is also written by Jack Black.
== The Conclusion of the Adventure ==
The professor, it is fabled, made a great journey. On the day of his 30th birthday, he boarded a train, along with the beavers destined for Mexico. In the months that followed, he carried on through Central America and Brazil, and one day, finally arrived in Tierra Del Fuego, Argentina.
== The Beginning of Evolution ==
Despite the chronic lack of revision and complete redundancy, the manner in which Yeats captured the beavers in question in perfectly clear. However, what happened next isn't so much. It is clear that Tortellini arrived in Argentina with the beavers, and that they evolved as he never could have imagined.
When he left he left behind a wife, two children, and 2 granddaughters taking only his one and only grandson with him. This next except is what his grandson later said about the beavers, now Castor mutensis:
== The Transformation ==
thumb|200px|left|Anatomy of the beaver.
Indeed, the once-beavers had transformed into completely different creatures. They found themselves in Tierra Del Fuego, a terribly arid archipelago off the coast of Argentina, with only two varieties of trees. They fell short of food terribly quickly, and, observing the behavior of local otters, took to eating fish and other aquatic animals (anything smaller than bears, really). Castor mutensis is now an omnivore species, and as the grandson sited, individuals can maintain weights of 15 lbs at maximum. Furthermore, the beavers did run out of room, and swam to the mainland. Other than that.. We have no fucking goddamn idea what went on.
== New Status of the Water Chipmunks as of 2006 ==
The Giant Mutant Herbivore South American Flat Tailed Water Chipmunk is now the scourge of South America. The species has migrated in some cases so far north as Belize, though this is still under philosophical critique. After coming onto the mainland, the GMHSAFTWC took to eating land-dwelling creatures, such as squirrels, rabbits, house cats, and human infants and toddlers as well as all plant material around. Because of the unfortunate reactions of the humans in the area, there grew a certain antagonism between GMHSAFTWCs and said humans. Unfortunately for the people, the GMhSAFTWCs rape small humans. They eat human adults, too. So far, there have been 5000 approximate deaths recorded as being caused by Castor mutensis, and elementary schools across the western hemisphere have begun "Chipmunk Drills," or practice sessions to prepare for possible pillages and rapes of young children.
Such precautions are utterly futile. Those who encounter Castor mutensis do not live to tell the tale. The animal emits a roar not unlike that of the common walrus, which is quickly followed by rapid slapping sounds produced by the animal's impressive tail (or possibly this is the sound of rape itself). The tail, in actuality, can fell an adult male human if provoked. Once you've heard the call of the water chipmunk, you're essentially doomed. There's no escape- the animal attacks and kills mercilessly, drinking the blood straight from its victim's jugular.
== See Also ==
*Chipmunk
*Water Buffalo
*Anteater
 
*Anteater-eater
Category:Gerbils
Category:Mutants