Sburb Source

If you know Homestuck, you haven't seen this coming.
I'm serious! This is something that goes beyond even the insight of what I had from life experience. Starting around my firm 15 age, I was really into Source games. But then came along my learning about Homestuck and I was blown - a webcomic that plays out on its own story! What more could you want? But being 15, that also meant having a trip to Hawaii to visit my prick brother, whose name and job will NOT be listed here due to ties with the military - and also him being a major dick. But on the trip to Hawaii, what happened was...
Y'know what - that doesn't show two damns. MOVING ON!
Following my trip back home, my first stop was straight to the computer. Yes I'm a veteran of gaming. SUCK THAT DOWN!
...But seriously, I'm the kinda guy who'll play whatever. PC, Xbox, Wii, Playstation, GameCube, GameBoy, Atari - I ain't biased. Yes, I am cajun. DON'T FORKIN' MOCK ME, YANKEE!
...What was I...? Oh right - straight to the computer, and I started up Steam, letting the games update and started messing about per the norm. I still had no idea how much gore and violence Hatred could have had to earn an AO rating by ESRB, but there it was - on Steam for $20. (Which reminded me - Slendy still owes me his 20 for the slim ass-bricking I gave him a couple years back!) But it wasn't modern day unsophisticated shit I was looking for this particular day: cause I was lookin' for some old unsophisticated shit to review. (Yes I do game reviews. FIND dA!)
At one point of looking around, I saw a shining gem that caught my eyes, even though there was no other mention/sight of it: Sburb Source Engine! I was practically scrubbing my eyes with my own hands, trying to wrap my head around this discovery - and I was the first one to see it, because: no tags, no reviews, no comments, no usual cowshit except there being just the store page itself. Even the description itself was blank, and no pics whatsoever either. I checked to see if it was out or when, but....nothing. No 'early access', no signs of it being 'beta' like in the webcomic - there was only the usual store page and the 'download' button which showed it was free. Now that was something sink my teeth into! I clicked the 'free' button and the download prompt showed up, showing the disk space required was 1 KB.
...Wait.
1 KB?! "That's funked up!" I shouted. I've seen games that hardly needed more than 20 MB or, hell, even 10 MB. But a Source Engine taking up 1 KB?! Something was almost laughably wrong here. I've seen other types of 'Engines' that required a good chunk of disk space. Hell, Source Film Maker takes up 1.6 GB, so how the bootass could a Source Engine of a game based off a webcomic take up only 1 KB? I shook my head at the thought, thinking it's probably just some stupid low-grade picture and downloaded it anyway. It would hardly take 1-2 seconds from what my computer showed - but despite the low space usage, there was still the option of having either/both a desktop shortcut and start menu shortcut. I stuck with 'Desktop' since I'm not like other self-acclaimed 'veterans' who clutter their start menus with a bunch of crap. I went to Library post-download and hit 'Launch' (as if I thought anything would actually happen).
Unsurprisingly............nothing happened.
"Wow, what a shocker," I said out loud. A shocking bit of pork piss, I thought. I closed Steam, walked off to my room and chillaxed for who-knows-how-long in the bed. When I woke up, it was practically midnight. I was like, "Gods, I'm starving! Where the high-strung Hell did my parents get off to?" Unsurprisingly (to me), I had been sleeping whilst laying on my legs, resulting in my legs 'falling asleep'. The result? I wobbled up outta bed, fell over and slammed my face on the floor, ragdolling by the door.
...What the sideways fuke?
My limbs flailed about as if I was getting out the pins and needles in 'em, and my face didn't even hurt when it hit the ground. What in Hell's breath was this? I checked to see if my parents were in bed - couldn't tell. I just winged it and snuck back to the computer and was about to check on Steam, when I noticed a new icon among the group - a green house logo like from Homestuck. Then the question hit me - did I get transported into the game somehow?
I right-clicked the icon, and up came a few commands: Open, Inventory, Upgrade, Craft, and Log Out. In a way, I think I knew what the Log Out option was for, but then again I didn't know and didn't want to find out, so I just started by clicking Inventory. On-screen, it showed the inside of the house (at least, the room I was in), me at the PC, and an 'inventory' that I couldn't see except for on the computer. Knowing the webcomic, I checked to see what resources I had - which I had none. "FORK OFF!" I shouted. "How am I supposed to get anything done without resources?! I've read the webcomic!"
I intended having answers, so I clicked on the Craft tab, which brought up- ...Woah, a lot of stuff to make. I scrolled through the list and saw one of the weapons used by John Egbert which could be made. I hovered over to see what was needed-...
...Nothing?
There was definitely icons below the Fear No Anvil which indicated what it was made of, but the amount needed was greyed out. I knew for certain something screwy was going on here...
ribbit, ribbit*
"Hello?" I said to myself, got up and looked out the window. I was no longer in the forest that I lived in, but now I was in a world filled with geysers and...frogs? My whole body was confused as whether it should be shocked or whatever, and re-checked the Sburb Source window that came up when I hit Inventory. I noticed another tab that didn't show the first time - World. I clicked it and it brought up what kinda world I was in - The Land of Geysers And Frogs (TLoGAF). I noticed I could change the type of world I could be in, but the scroll bars to change it were locked for some reason, so I just sat there and read about the world's lore.
"World's....lore," I muttered. "Something about this is way too easy. Here I am, going through Sburb - a game from a webcomic that involves a lot of stuff going on, and things ya gotta do to learn about the world yourself and things, yet here I am, with all the things I could ever possibly get just flying right into my lap!" Surely you guys gotta agree with me, right? I can craft things and rearrange stuff without needing resources, and I'm learning about the world, its inhabitants, and other things without needing to do anything! I mean- what is this?! Minecraft Creative Mode?
....Suddenly, I remembered my iPad was on, and I had Skype - someone was calling me at that moment...
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Category:TOTALLY NOT UNFINISHED U GUIZE
Category:Trollpasta