Silent Hill (film)

Silent Hill was made into a movie previously after Harry Mason returned home from his first happy vacation there. He liked it so much there that he decided to write a book. The book was a good-seller, but not too good, but good enough to be ok, but not that ok, but ok enough to sell more than ten copies. It sold twenty-seven copies for only &14.06 each! Which made him pretty damn not-rich-at-all! 
Harry Mason was so exited he decided to ask his movie producer buddy buddy to make it into a movie for him. Unfortunately his movie producer buddy buddy wasn't able to convince his movie producer buddy friends to help him make it a movie.
After 7 years a very powerful mysterious man who's name we wouldn't speak of even if we knew it had a lot of money and he was bored one day, so he called up his movie producer buddy buddy and asked him what to do. His movie producer buddy buddy just happened to be the same movie producer buddy that was trying to make Harry Mason's adventure into a movie.
After movie producer buddy told him to masturbate 20 times because he couldn't think of anything else to do, he finally remembered his friend Harry Mason's dream to make his adventure in Silent Hill a movie. so he asked a very powerful mysterious man who's name we wouldn't speak of even if we knew it to make Harry Mason's adventures in Silent Hill a movie. 
He said NO!!!! 
Then movie producer buddy begged him and then was crying. So then A very powerful mysterious man who's name we wouldn't speak of even if we knew it finally agreed to get him to shut up.
He owed movie producer buddy a special favor anyway. so no matter how much he didn't want to he had no choice! Sucks for him!
== The Making Of Silent Hill Movie ==
A very powerful mysterious man who's name we wouldn't speak of even if we knew it wouldn't produce it unless they made some changes. Even though he had to produce it and had no choice but to produce it.
Harry Mason protested against that and was pretty pissed off. But A very powerful mysterious man who's name we wouldn't speak of even if we knew it didn't care. A very powerful mysterious man who's name we wouldn't speak of even if we knew it did it anyway.
== Changes with Characters ==
Rose- Instead of giving Harry Mason his way, A very powerful mysterious man who's name we wouldn't speak of even if we knew it put up with his PMSing after telling him he is a horrible actor, and replaced him with a hot blonde chick named Rose. 
Sharon- A very powerful mysterious man who's name we wouldn't speak of even if we knew i thought the name "Cheryl" was too old-fashioned and so mid 50's and re-named her "Sharon"
Rose's Husband- They gave the hot blonde chick a husband as if Harry had one. Harry later complained that he is not gay. But we're not entirely sure.
Pyramid Head- He didn't bother Harry Mason. That was just James Sunderland. 
James Sunderland- They didn't let Harry Mason's good ole pal James be in the move just because HE WASN'T THERE!... But they let Rose be in the movie, and she wasn't. Harry was and he can't be in the movie, probably just because she is a hot blonde chick, which pissed him off so badly that he pissed in the window of A very powerful mysterious man who's name we wouldn't speak of even if we knew it's car to get back at him. so now he has to drive around in a car smelling like piss... sucks for him James Sunderland IS THE MAN!
Some random ginger girl- They added a random hot, teenage ginger girl named Anna, Who Pyramid Head is seen stripping her, then ripping her skin off. Then she dies.
Cybil- She tries to arrest Rose. At first she is a bitch. Then they become great friends and have FABULOUS adventures together. Until she is burned to death and dies the good guy. She Juice doesn't resurrect her this time. Even if its Heath Drink.Which is really the magical substance of alcohol getting you drunk in the best possible times.
Dahlia- She is the good guy now. In reality, she tried to make her daughter birth a demon. But the crazy people of Silent Hill in the movie think her kid IS the demon. But they are STUPID. Seriously, her kid's kid is suppose to be the demon. Them Damn Idiots.
Instead they made this other lady the evil lady who tries to kill Dahlia's daughter Alessa, Then tries to kill Sharon.
== PLOTLINE ==
So the movie wouldn't start off boring like Harry's vacation did, they decided to change it from IWannaGoOnAVacationDaddyLetsGoOnAVacationDaddy to Our adopted child is a sleepwalker who mutters the name of the town she is from that we never heard of so lets go there 
This once again for like the seventeenth time now PISSED OFF Harry Mason. Yeah his kid WAS adopted, but he wanted to keep that a secret and when little Cheryl found out she was a mixture of sad and confused. She had no idea what was going on, so she walked in the other room and beat up movie producer buddy buddy for the enjoyment of ruining her childhood memories.
Rose takes Sharon to the forsaken town even though its dangerous, but she doesn't care.
She just wants her adopted kid to behave in her sleep and not run away and scream things at night
But once again like what happened to Harry, some IDIOT walked in front of the car and Rose panicked and totaled their car while trying to outrun the smart cop that was trying to knock some sense into her.
The idiot turned out to be a ghost-clone of Alessa or Sharon, or whoever the hell she is. Some evil ghost monster thing that wants revenge and seeks Rose to do her dirty-work for her.
In totaling her car, she also managed to knock herself unconscious. Then she woke up and wondered why it was snowing this time of the year... wait no, that was Harry. nevermind 
She woke up and wondered why white stuff was falling from the sky. Being a perv, she giggled for a moment because it was white stuff... Then touched it and saw it was raining ashes. 
But that made no sense whatsoever.
Her car wouldn't start because she totaled it. So she couldn't drive off and pretend nothing happened. too bad Also her phone wasn't working because the town was deserted by most sane people, so she wouldn't get no bars. 
So she decided to be stupid and wander into the town, with no weapon. a smart person would carry a weapon... although at first Harry and James had no weapon, but at least they looked for one! well Harry kinda made friends with the sexy looking cop and she gave him a gun. James is just cool like that that weapons just come to him... like chainsaws so he could be the mass murderer of mannequins... wait wait wait stay on topic here. Now my mission is to explain what REALLY happened in the movie and not rant on how great James Sunderland of Silent Hill 2 is... by the way James Sunderland IS THE MAN!
She follows the idiot ghost monster creep thing into an alley where the sirens go off. Then evil babymonsterthings start raping her leg. kinda how Pyramid Head rapes his victims. But these monsters don't kill you and it doesn't hurt as much.
Then Barney came to the rescue and killed them. She passed out watching him save her, after he killed them he saw she was sleeping and poked her boobies and then ran away. 
Then she woke up. Then she didn't understand what happened. Then she remembered a dream about Barney the dinosaur... and then realized he is a pervert. Then she realized Johnny Cash was on the radio and decided to dance to "Ring Of Fire" before getting back to her search.
She went back to her car as if anything changed because she is blonde, and not that smart, but still hot. When the Hot cop Chick Cybil arrested her becase she thinks Rose is a pedophile or something and dumped her kid in Silent Hill to get rid of the corpse. Man was she wrong...or was she? no no she was wrong... its not like she is Douglas from Silent Hill 3
Then a lying figure appeared and spitted at Cybil because she looked at it thinking "OMG WTF IS THAT THING?" and that PISSED OFF the Lying figure...for those of you idiots out there reading this with no prior knowledge to the games, the Lying Figure was a monster in Silent Hill 2 that existed because James wanted sex but Mary didn't. Harry Mason never seen it before and was PISSED when they put her in the game because she wasn't in HIS super-magical-special-fun-SilentHill-adventure.
So Rose ran away again. She found a school. she went in there so Sharon must have been a nerd of one of the first buildings Rose looked in was a school Then she went in a bathroom and saw the former janitor named Colin naked, dead, tied up, dead, and naked in barbed wire in one of the stalls. It made her gag. Then she puked. Then gaged again. Then pissed herself. Then gaged again. 
She saw something important in his mouth. She didn't want to go in it but she had to so she covered her eyes as she did it and grabbed the paper, but reached too far down his throat and touched the uvula and he threw up, which made her throw up. common, James Sunderland stuck his hand in a potty for a wallet and he was fine. This woman should man up!
Then she heard sirens again and Colin came back to life and tried to rape her. But she escaped and almost got raped by Pyramid Head Which didn't happen to Harry, which offended him because then he was like "am I not sexy enough?"
But then Cybil was all like "IMMA COP BITCHES! SHOOT SHOOT TO THE HELMET PYRAMID HEAD" he didn't die then ran and his with Rose and too the handcuffs off.
Then it was eventually over again after a while and they continued to look. So they go to a hotel where they meet an interesting ginger named Anna. She was crazy. She was trying to kill Dahlia for being religious. But they stopped her. Then they ran into the idiot demon child again. She bursted into flames and disappeared.
So then they go to Church and they come a second too late because TEHM DAMN SIRENS went off again. Which sucked for ginger Anna because Pyramid Head Picked her up, stripped her, then ripped her skin off... Then she died.
But the blondes were ok. They went in. Everyone wanted to burn them because those two were normal and they didn't like different people. thats because these people were crazy,
But then Christabella, the leader of the psychopaths told them they can't kill them. Well at least until they saw who they were looking for.
They think Children who have no fathers are evil.
They capture the cop, but Rose gets away and finds the adult Alessa who is still traumatized from being burned as a child. 
Her evil ghost clone wanted revenge for Alessa being burned and possessed Rose's body and went to the Church where they had Cybil burned and Sharon next to be burned.
Rose comes in preaching to them and Christabella stabs her but she doesn't die, instead she bleeds out Alessa and Alessa, Evil idiot child clone with many names, and BARNEY comes out and kills EVERYONE, except for Rose, Sharon, and Dahlia. 
Then Rose slapps Barney.
Dahlia is confused why she isn't dead, but wants to be, but isn't, but doesn't want to kill herself. so she doesn't, but wonders why Alessa did't kill her. Rose tells her its because she didn't feel like it.
Then they go home only to find that they are dead too. 
Then its over.
The End.
Now they wanna make a sequel
But its over, so they can't
But they still want to. 
Well thats TOO DAMN BAD!
Then Rose FINALLY changed her underpants... A happy ending.
== The Movie Theater ==
The movie was finally released in theaters and surprisingly had a big audience. When Harry Mason's friends saw it and realized he was replaced by a hot blonde chick with a husband, they kept making fun of him for being "gay" so then he had no other choice but to kick their asses. 
He didn't get rich off of the huge success. Only the actors, Movie Producer Buddy Buddy and A very powerful mysterious man who's name is blah blah blah made money off of it. So Harry kicked their asses too. 
Even Barney the Dinosaur made more than he did. 
So then he got drunk and ate their faces.
Then he took acid and had a Silent Hill Fantasy, Where he ate Cybil. which is why she ain't in the third game
== The very mysterious man who's name we wouldn't speak of even if we knew it ==
yeah that guy. The guy with the long blah blah blah title. Yeah its time we finally speak of his name. We probably shouldn't but we're gonna anyway. 
his name is............... Robert DeNiro. 
He HATES stoners, but always thought James Sunderland was one, But James Sunderland isn't a stoner, but he still thinks he is.
Category:2000s films
Category:American films
Category:Canadian films
Category:Horror films