Weezine Issue 1 - Winter 1994 (transcription)

Weezine Issue #1 - Winter 1994 is the first issue of Weezine, the quarterly zine issued by the Weezer Fan Club. It was released in 1994. This page features a rough text transcription of its contents. For the primary article with scans of the original issue, see Weezine Issue #1 - Winter 1994.
===Cover page===
[Weezine logo]
Winter 1999
Issue #1
[image]
[subtitle: thanks to james d. birch for the photo]
★ HOLIDAY GREETINGS FROM THE BAND
♥ OFFICIAL FAN CLUB OFFER
→ MERCHANDISE ORDER FORM
★ EUROPEAN TOUR INFORMATION
♥ STUFF YOU NEED TO KNOW
===Page 1===
★ TOUR UPDATE ★
Weezer in Europe:
Date Venue
1/30 London Splash Club
2/1 Dm Haag Paard
2/2 Rotterdam Nighttown
2/3 Eidhoven Effenaar
2/4 Amsterdam Melkweg
2/5 Groningen Vera
2/7 Hamburg Markthalle
2/8 Malmo Ke Halle
2/9 Stockholm Gino
2/10 Oslo Cruise Café
2/11 Copenhagen Montmartre
2/13 Osnabruck Hyde Park
2/14 Cologne Luxor
2/15 Berlin Huxdeys
2/16 Frankfurt Negativ
2/17 Munich Feuerwerk 
2/18 Milan Factory
2/20 Paris Arapaho
2/22 Birmingham Edwards No 8
2/23 Manchester Boardwalk
2/24 Glasgow King Tuts Wah Wah Hut
2/25 Sheffield Leadmill
2/26 London Astoria II
the band will be back in the U.S. in March to play some make-up dates and a few places they haven’t been before.
After that, back overseas to Australia and Japan!
===Page 2===
December 1994
Hi fellow Weezer fans!
It’s us, Mykel & Carli, again. We’ve finally caught up enough to spend some time to put this together. Those of you that have waited for slow t-shirt orders over the past few months, thank you for your patience. Back in the day when we didn’t have to wait in a light or fight to be up front to see Weezer we never dreamed we’d be working with such a high volume of interested people. We had no idea what kind of numbers would come through this P.O. Box, it’s exciting!
So, just as we’re getting the hang of it – the T-shirt art has been changed to the new ‘Matt Sharp Original Design’ (see the new order form enclosed). Please continue to be patient with us, we shall conquer.
The “men-of-weezer” are back in Los Angeles and it seems like they’ve been gone forever! We asked each of the band members to contribute a note to you. We gathered up a few other interesting facts, threw in a copy of the article Rivers wrote for the ‘Details’ magazine (Jan’95), in case you missed it,and came up with a game plan to get this “fan club” thing all official.
We hear that the Weezer album has gone gold!!! We’re not really sure what that means but the band is really happy about it. So, thanks to all of you that not only bought it but told your friends to buy one too.
Happy holidays from us here at headquarters.
Hear you me,
Mykel & Carli
===Page 3===
[page is decorated with illustrated 'flying w' logos, hearts, and a drawing of Matt Sharp]
Happy New Year, 
Matt
weezer Loves you
TAKE CARE
PEACE + HARMONY
ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE
the rentals
===Page 4===
13 Dec 94
Merry Christmas,
I’m really tired. We just finished our "Global Domination" tour: 7 months of driving around this wonderful country, mostly in crappy little van. Now I’m going back to Connecticut to spend Christmas with my mom and brother. I plan to read, play piano, take long walks in the snow, and hopefully write some songs.
Thanks for being such nice people. Weezer has the coolest fans of any band. I hope you all get lots of cool presents. Love, Rivers
===Page 5===
How about this newsletter?! We’ve really got a lot of news to report. Hard-hitting investigative journalism only please! We’re crazy! I’m nuts! Can I tell you!?
Boy, this rock lifestyle is for the birds! How about it?! I don’t even drink anymore it’s so crazy. I get to hear all the dirt on the latest rock stars. I can’t tell you but make up the craziest, most unlikely story you can think of and apply it to your favorite popstar and you’ll have what you’d get from the tabloids anyway!! Such a crazy country!! Well I have to go now but I’m sure we’ll be seeing you sometime soon.
P.S. If you feel like quitting your job tell ‘em I said it was O.K.
Patrick Wilson
[illustration of a Christmas tree in a garbage bin accompanied by text; borrowed from another source]
Christmas Trees
Please, no christmas trees in your garbage container this holiday season.
===Page 6===
colored lights
Snowflake on ice
Ho Ho Ho
Have you been Naughty or Nice?
Didn’t think so....
Merry Christmas boys and girls,
This past year has been the best year of my life. Finally hard work pays-off, but it wouldn’t mean a thing if it wasn’t for our wonderful families, fans and friends who gave us support and encouragement. Touring has made me realize that "people are people no matter how tall or small" to quote Dr. Suess, and (no one) is better than anybody (else). I’ve gotten to meet some amazing people this year and you’ll be happy to know that no matter how famous a person is they’re just as humble and down to earth as you or me.
[drawings of the Star of David and a Christmas tree]
Have a Bitchin’
♫ “Holiday”
Love, Brian Bell
===Page 7===
[January 1995 Details article “life in the fast lane” reproduced in full]
See America—the Weezer way. Lead singer Rivers Cuomo offers a guide to surviving the road.
life in the fast lane
COCAINE. CHICKS. LIMOUSINES. FOR THE FOUR OF us who make up Weezer—Pat, Matt, Brian, and I—these adolescent dreams are finally coming true. Sort of.
Actually, there hasn’t been much cocaine at all yet. Outside of Pat’s occasional self-administration of Mylanta, our rock ‘n’ roll drug experiences have been pretty limited. This does not jibe with our understanding of record-business protocol. Where are the label reps bribing program directors and hyping up the band with record-company drugs?
As for the limos and private jets, we prefer a more realistic means of traveling great distances: a van. It would be no exaggeration to say that our van really, really sucks. The radio shuts itself off if we drive below twenty miles an hour. The sunroof leaks buckets in the rain. The air-conditioning refuses to function and the solid black exterior serves as a giant solar panel, ensuring a minimum temperature of 115 degrees in the summer. (We’re hoping the solar-panel effect will continue to keep us warm through the winter, since the heater also does not work.)
In spite of these minor criticisms, this van is our home and we’ve come to love it. At first we called it the Enforcer, but after an essential part of the chassis fell out the very first time we tried to drive uphill, we felt that Betsy was a more appropriate name.
One day, in a random fit of malice, Matt shot Betsy in the radiator grills with a squirt gun. After fifteen seconds of ominous rumbling, a green bubbling froth was ejaculated from her grills.
So Betsy was rendered immobile—again—and we were stranded in exciting Winnemucca, Nevada, with nothing to do but gamble. Every day, we traveling rock musicians get something called a per diem, which is Latin for "twenty-dollar bill." This is what we use to buy good, magazines, and Mylanta. I had saved up a considerable portion of my per diems and was hoping to buy a pair of shoes upon returning to L.A. Unfortunately, I lost all my money that day to Winnemucca’s slot machines. Matt, on the other hand, who’d gotten us stranded there in the first place, won roughly the same amount that I lost.
Gambling is only one of the many exciting pastimes we enjoy as rock stars on the road. We also find ourselves playing more videos games than was previously thought humanly possible. Video games are similar to slot machines in that you drop quarters into them, press little colored buttons, and walk out four to six hours later with far less money than you came in with. Our current favorite video game is NBA Jam, which all four of us can play simultaneously, venting our van-related frustrations by utilizing the Turbo Running and Super Slam-Dunking buttons. There’s not a lot of strategy involved.
Interviews, an essential activity for every rock star, are a total disappointment. As a thirteen-year-old, I thought I would love talking to the press, giving my opinions and imparting some insight into my "artistic process" (if a thirteen-year-old can have such a thing). As it turns out, interviews basically consist of answering questions. "what was it like working with Ric?" (our producer) and "Did you get to meet Paulina?" (our producer’s wife).
This has been going on three times a day, every day, for the six months that our album has been out. Only the foreign interviews are any fun, because they take everything I say completely seriously. This can be dangerous. For example, when I say that my biggest influence is Mick Mars of Motley Crue, I mean that in a less than literal sense. Sometimes I wonder how confused the European masses will be when they read the results of my 5:00 A.M. phoner with Jorgen Van der Boom of the Danish rock rag Super-Klang!
Photo shoots, on the other hand, can be a lot of fun if (a) you don’t have any fresh zits and (b) you enjoy being told to jump up and down on a bed or to press your face against a window or to stand on a phone book so you’ll appear as tall as your bandmates.
===Page 8===
[three polaroid photos positioned in-between columns of text]
[subtitle a: I thought out budget could purchase major explosions, beautiful women, and Hammer-like choreography. But no, we got an empty warehouse and a pack of dogs.]
[subtitle b: Weezer’s own road Polaroids, featuring drummer Pat Wilson [article text scratched out and corrected as: Matt Sharp] turning to cannibalism (top left)]
[additional note below article subtitle b: *you’ll have to use your imagination-or buy it]]
One of the best things about touring with Weezer is getting to know all the strange and exciting parts of the country I’d normally avoid at all costs. Recently, for example, we passed through Ashland, Oregon, which for no apparent reason is the Shakespearean capital of the world. Here it is not uncommon to run into small groups of men wearing tights, playing lutes, and singing “My mistress mine, where are you roaming?”
Oh yeah—playing live rock shows is also part of being in a Touring Rock Band, albeit a small part. We’ve done it all, from playing Berkeley Square in front of a grand total of zero (0) paying customers, to rocking huge festivals alongside such great bands as Kansas and Loverboy. These big concerts come close to matching my adolescent dream idea;: thousands of screaming fans, legions of mutant homicidal bouncers, and an impressive wall of Marshall stacks. There are, however, a lot of things thrown at us while we’re performing: shoes, stuffed animals, sweaters... I haven’t quite figured out if this is a sign of affection or a sign that we should stop playing and quickly leave.
Perhaps the single most remarkable day of the entire Weezer Experience was when we shot the video for "Undone—The Sweater Song." This was not a day we were looking forward to. Until they put our video into Buzz Bin, we all hated MTV. It seems like a shame to confine a song to one interpretation. For example, I’ll never hear Aerosmith’s "Cryin'" again without thinking about that lame chick bungee-jumping off the bridge.
But our single was "shooting up the charts" and the record company thought it would be a "smash" if it had a video. We reluctantly assented under the condition that there not be one sweater, or anything resembling a sweater, anywhere in the video. The video department solicited “treatments” from at least twenty-five directors and sent us their ideas on a computer-printed scroll that stretched at least eight times around the considerable girth of Besty. And every single idea featured—you guessed it—a sweater. Whether we were playing in a sweater factory, knitting a gigantic sweater, or blowing up a sweater with five megatons of TNT, every director has his or her own vision of the great sweater. Nauseated, we almost gave up on doing a video—until we got a call from the messiah of videomaking, Spike Jonze. We hastily agreed upon a vague plan involving a blue room, a pack of dogs, and a couple of guys hanging upside down from the ceiling.
That vague plan ended up costing us $60,000. Somehow, Spike took a video with no editing, no cast, and no set to speak of, and gave it a budget I would have thought purchased major explosions, extraordinarily beautiful women, and Hammer-like choreography. But no, we got an empty warehouse and a pack of dogs. Apparently $60,000 is only an average price for a video these days.
When we started shooting, I had that terrible feeling of regret that only comes when one sees dollar signs floating uncontrollably skyward. Everything was going wrong. First of all, in order to achieve the slow-motion effect that makes the video so dreamy, we had to perform the song twice as fast as normal. This also means we had to sing like the Chipmunks. The cameraman had to run around the set twice as fast as it appears he did, while wearing the immense apparatus known as the Steadicam. Following him were a number of assistants, and behind them, Spike, yelling commands at the cameraman, the lighting guy, and me. The cameraman was yelling commands at the assistants, who were in turn yelling at each other. And then the dogs ran in. At double speed. Across the set from the dogs were the trainers, all yelling at the dogs. “Buffy! Scrappy! Here, Buffy! Good doggy!” The dogs got so confused by all the screaming and the monitors blasting the Chipmunks version of “The Sweater Song” that they turned around and ran directly away from the band. The trainers, in an amazing display of ignorance, told us we had to turn down our instruments because we were “scaring Scrappy.” So we pretended to turn down the instruments (which weren’t even plugged in) and continued on.
Well, after playing “The Sweater Song” twenty times in a row at high speed, singing along in our best Chipmunks voices, with the cameraman, Spike, the assistants, and the dogs all running around us yelling and barking and charging us $60,000, it started to get a little depressing. In an act of great symbolism, one of the cute little dogs sauntered up and took a crap on Pat’s bass drum pedal. The dog’s trainer apologized profusely, but something snapped inside us. A dog had crapped on our $60,000 video.
From that point on, our lip-synching wasn’t quite as accurate. Matt would make time out from playing bass to snap his fingers or to sit down. Despite the importance everyone placed on it, we didn’t care about our video anymore. We saw it not as a significant work of art depicting the anguish of Generation X, but as it truly is: a piece of dog shit.
As you can see, being a rock star is all we thought it would be as thirteen-year-olds and much, much more. Even so, I have a few closing words of advice for the young rock-star-to-be. Be prepared for a lot of Taco Bell. Mylanta figures big in your future. Buy a Walkman to block out the nonsensical ramblings of your brain-dead vanmates, and advise them to do the same. Get used to writing letters, because you wont be able to afford phone calls when you get lonely. And you will get lonely. Sure you’ll meet two hundred people every night, but you’ll talk to each of them for approximately thirty seconds, and the conversation will generally consist of you answering the question “What was it like working with Ric?” And then you’ll be alone in your motel room or on somebody’s crusty floor with their crusty dog licking your face all night. Or you’ll be in the van, trying to kill the nine hours it takes to get to the next city, whichever city it is. This is life on the road, it’s not all cocaine, chicks, and limos.
Rivers Cuomo is the lead singer of Weezer, who are visiting your town soon.
[End Details article]
===Page 9===
[image]
[subtitle: PAT – MATT – BRIAN – RIVERS
TOWER RECORDS ‘IN-STORE’ SEATTLE, WA]
[on left side of page, rotated 90 degrees counterclockwise:]
# To what motorcycle gang did the Fonz once belong?
# What is Richie’s major in college? 
# What is Potsie’s real first name?
# What business is Howard Cunningham in?
[on left side of page, rotated 90 degrees clockwise:]
# The Falcons
# Journalism (writing for newspapers and magazines)
# Warren
# He owns and operates a hardware store.
[on right side of page, Entertainment Weekly “Fonzie Hits The Buzz Bin” article reproduced in full]
[image positioned between text on right side]
[subtitle: HOP GOES THE WEEZER: Bassist Sharp (left) and Happy Days’ Mellnare get down in "Buddy Holly"]
ARNOLD’S DRIVE-IN hasn’t rocked this hard since the days of Leather Tuscadero. But Happy Days are here again, thanks to the L.A. fuzz-pop band Weezer and their latest video, "Buddy Holly,” which splices the foursome—slicked out in matching ‘50s sweaters and striped ties—with footage of Richie, Potsie, Ralph Malph, Joanie, and the Fonz.
This ironic stroll down memory lane was hatched by Spike Jonze, the video’s director and reigning Kind Midas of alternative music, whose clips for the Beastie Boys, the Breeders, and Weezer’s first single "Undone—The Sweater Song" have been in heavy MTV Buzz Bin rotation. “[‘Buddy Holly’] is the ultimate feel-good song,” says Jonze, 25, who’s currently working on R.E.M.’s upcoming video “Crush With Eyeliner.”
To fit Weezer into Happy Days convincingly, Jonze and the band watched more than 30 episodes of the hit retro-comedy. The funniest cuts in the video show the band’s drummer winking at a swooning Joanie, and Fonzie burning up the dance floor with a flamboyant Russian step. “Fonz is totally my hero,” says Weezer bassist Matt Sharp. “I feel so good when I see him come on in the video. You see it and you just go, ‘Yesss!’”
But the reason the video smacks of authenticity isn’t the Fonz, or even the Gump-like editing, as much as the presence of diner proprietor Al, played by Al Molinaro, who agreed to be in the video joking about how bad his fish is. “Al’s the Magic Johnson of acting—when he walks on the set, good players become great,” says Sharp. The admiration is mutual. “They’re terrific guys,” Molinaro says of Weezer. “But I’m old enough to be their grandfather. My music’s Sinatra and Benny Goodman. I’m out of it in terms of music these days.” Who would have guessed that Al would go on to become an MTV star? –Chris Nashawaty
===Page 10===
[image of the back insert from the Australian “Undone” single CD]
[advert with information for Kentucky record store ear X-tacy]
Other than the Weezer album and 'Jamie' the only other released Weezer music appears on the 'Undone' import single. Carli got a couple extra—write her about availability or contact the Weezer-friendly kids at ear X-tacy to help you get it.
===Page 11===
Frequently
Asked
Questions
Where can I get the album with 'Jamie' on it?
“Jamie” (along with other songs by great DGC bands) can be found on a CD called "DGC Rarities Vol. 1". You should be able to find it at your local music store. If they don’t have it in stock they can order it for you from DGC/Geffen.
Who is on the album cover?
[image: Blue Album photo cropped to show the band members from the chest up, faces covered by labels displaying their names]
COMING IN ISSUE #2
THE MYSTERY OF MYKEL&CARLI REVEALED
===Page 12===
[weezer logo]
MERCHANDISE ORDER FORM
CAPS: ADJUSTABLE PRO-STYLE WOOL BASEBALL CAP HAT “=w=” logo on front (embroidered) “weezer” (as above) on back
SHIRTS: 100% COTTON QUALITY SHIRTS, “weezer” on front, “Rock Music” “=w=” on back.
[images: labeled drawings of front and back of shirt (left) and baseball cap (right)]
SHIPPING COSTS: U.S. + $3.00 1st item/.50 each additional item
FOREIGN + $8.00 1st item/.50 each additional item
Please make checks or money orders in US funds payable to: Weezer and return order form below with payment to:
6312 Hollywood Blvd
Suite #110
Los Angeles, CA 90028
[handwritten order form formatted as table, “EXPIRED – do not use…” pasted over top]
[options listed with price:]
CAP: maroon with white design | 12.00
CAP: dark green with white design | ?
SHIRT: maroon with white design | ?
SHIRT: dark green with white design | 10.00
SHIRT: navy blue with white design | 10.00
* We still have some Orange w/ Black design shirts available with the “Bokkus” art.
Med or XL
===Page 13===
Weezer fan club
C. I want it all and I’m willing toupé
B’s you’ve got another chance to get aboard this party train.
After some number crunching and heated debate we have decided that what we are going to offer you is worth an annual membership bee of $10.00 (5 just wasn’t going to cut the mustard).
Here’s what you’ll get for your $10.00/annual payment of hard earned/begged money:
New Member Starter Kit
* Membership Card
* Autographed 8”x10” picture of band
* Copy of band biographies & history
* Sticker (a real one—not paper—we promise)
* Secret Surprise
Publications
* Quarterly Newsletter (sent 4 times a year)
* Quarterly Update (sent between newsletter)
Other stuff in your mailbox from Weezer
Sign Up Now! Here’s How →
===Page 14===
Weezer Fan Club
Member Registration Form
Name:
Address:
Phone#:
Birthdate:
Sex: b/g
Can we publish your address for other Weezer fans? y/n
Do you own a record player? y/n
Favorite Weezer song: 
Send to us 1 – this form
[image to left: empty square labeled inside 1”x1”, subtitle: Size of picture]
2 – picture of yourself (or someone that looks a lot like you) for membership card)
3 – check or money order for $10.00 U.S. funds payable to: Weezer Fan Club
At: Weezer Fan Club
6312 Hollywood Blvd
Suite #110
Los Angeles, CA 90028
==See also==
*Weezine
*Weezer Fan Club
Category:Weezine Category:Weezine transcripts Category:Transcripts