Vinnie Jones's Diary

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Vinnie Jones's Diary is a 2001 film, based on the novel, also called Vinnie Jones's Diary, by New York Times' number 1 selling author, Adolf Hitler. The adaptation starred renown hard man, Vinnie Jones, of Guy Richie rom-com movie fame, as himself, Ray Winstone as the caddish Daniel Cleaver and Ross Kemp as Vinnie's 'true love' Mark Darcy. A sequel, Vinnie Jones: The Edge of Reason, was released in 2004.
Before the film came out a considerable amount of controversy surrounded the casting of the American Renee Zellweger as what some saw as a quintessentially British hero, Vinnie Jones. However, Director of the film, Guy Richie, decided recast the title role, to his close friend Vinnie, whose life story the film was concerning.
Adolf Hitler has stated in many interviews that his novel was based upon both Enid Blyton's, novel the Magic Faraway tree and the popular 1970s sitcom, The Goodlife. This was also reflected in the decision to cast Ross Kemp as Darcy, since he played the 'real' Mr Darcy in the BBC adaptation of the Magic Faraway Tree. This is not the film's only connection to the Magic Faraway Tree, as the story is centralized around a homosexual love triangle.
The film includes cameos by Nick Griffin, Tim Westwood, and renown former Royal Navy officer, and author Rear Admiral Gay.
The director of the film, Guy Richie, is one of Hitler's friends whom the character of "COCK-ney tit" was reportedly based on. In the film "COCK-ney tit" was played by Jason Statham, who originally auditioned for the role of Vinny but was not considered a big enough gay for the part. Kate Winslet also auditioned for the part and was almost considered for it, but eventually was dismissed since she was too young, and too female (25, and all woman at the time the auditions took place) to play Vinnie.
==Plot==
Unlike Most Guy Richie movies, Vinnie Jones's Diary has a plot. The story focuses on Vinnie Jones, a thirty-something, single, hard man, gangster, with an annoying cockney accent. Vinnie Jones meets charming SAS soldier, Mark Darcey (Ross Kemp) whilst killing Muslims in the Vietnam War. Upon returning to England to be wed in an Idyllic country church in east London, the two cockney love birds begin planning their perfect wedding. After a row between Darcey and Vinnie, in which Darcey says that Vinnie isn't hard enough to be an SAS man, Vinnie storms out of their charming East London cottage, to go on a drunken, drug fueled bender.
Whilst on this drug, and alcohol binge, Vinnie meets old flame Daniel Cleaver (Winstone), a charming yet shallow convicted sex offender, and drug dealer. 
Cleaver promises the now pissing drunk Vinnie, that if he makes steamy man love to him, then he'll give him a big bag of drugs. Eager to get his hands on the , delicious, nutritional, bag of prohibited narcotics, promised by Cleaver, Vinnie obliges.
The following morning, after realizing what he had done, and feeling crippled with guilt, Vinnie tells Mark about his indisgression with Cleaver, and begs him not to call of the wedding. However, Darcey explodes into a fit of violent rage,vowing to "Sort Cleaver out, SAS style". Grabbing "doris" his M16/M203 grenade launcher, Darcey sets out to find Cleaver. Eventually Darcey confronts cleaver, who's is urinating into a public fountain in Greenwich. For some reason, rather than mowing Cleaver down with his assault rifle, he throws "Doris" on the ground and jumps upon Cleaver, causing them both to fall into the freshly pissed in fountain. After a 15 minute Homo-erotic slow motion fight scene in the fountain, Cleaver is knocked helplessly into the tepid water, and Darcey finishes him off.
==Trivia==
*Vinnie Jones's Diary, was one of the first feature length films to feature someone doing a 'topiary'.
*During the filming of the film, Ray Winstone killed Hugh Grant with his thighs.
*For the Romantic Basketball game scene,actors had to be taught to play basketball by legendary basketball coach Raymundo Bundi.
*In order to 'method act' his role in the film, Ross Kemp traveled back in time to World War Two, where he served in an SAS squadron in North Africa, and personally destroyed Benito Mussolini 's fascist battle mech.
Category:British films