Jeff's Highschool Stupidity

Jeff the killer sat at his desk, petrified by the teacher's lackluster speech and allowed his eyes to gaze upon his peers. He was sat at the back of the class, between Laughing Jack, who was counting ceiling tiles out loud, and Thomas Simple, who was blankly staring at the side of Jeff's head. After about 10 seconds of this, Jane, who was sat in front of Laughing Jack, turned around and asked Jeff if he had heard about the three new students. Jeff said no, and got on with the 'magical ressurection' exam that had just been handed out.
Later that day, Jeff's gang was around the back of the school kitchen, to meet a drug dealer who had stolen Jeff's knife in case a client got picky (and they all wanted some weed). 30 seconds later, X arrived in his usual cloaked attire. He then looked around and went down a set of stairs to the school brewery. Jeff then offered to go in first. Jeff was, in fact, going in for the beer, so everyone else followed him to stop him from becoming a complete arse. Jeff's gang consists of Jeff, Jane, Eyeless Jack, Slenderman, and Tyler Bounds. By the time Jane arrived, Jeff had already gotten drunk. "Haha, hi, purrrdy lady. Wanna go back to mah..." Jane then promptly slapped him. X turned around at the sound. "Oh, you're here, d'you want the knife?" Asked X, sarcastically. "Yeah," Said Jeff. "Ok," Said X, "But first let me introduce you to my friends first." "You said 'first' twice" said Slenderman, muffled by the lack of mouth. Tails Doll and Herobrine walked in. Tails Doll was floating and holding a chainsaw, Herobrine fell down the stairs, because he hopped off one stair and tumbled down the rest. At that moment, A man with shredded feet jumped on the doll yelling "REVENGE!". With luck, they landed on the ground. "Well," Said X, "That could have gone better, here's the knife." X threw knife at the wall next to Jeff. Jeff pulled the knife out of the wall, got his weed (for a nominal fee) and left.
The following day, Jeff went to school to find the three new, British transfer students standin in a large croud, kicking the shit out of Thomas and The Toppler. Jeff then decided to walk slowly around them. When he found his gang, Eyeless Jack had a black not-eye, Jane was drunk off her ass, Tyler had been shanked, and Slenderman had a face drawn on with sharpie. "Well," The newly faced Slendy began, "Jane decided to try some beer..." "BEER? WHERE?" Jeff asked, as if his life depended on it. "The stuff from the brewery," Slendy continued, "And the rest of us were found by the new students." "Who are they?" Jeff asked. "What do they want with us." "I think their names are: Jacob, Matt and Toby" Slendy replied. "Jeff," Said Jane, "Do you like me?" Jeff ran away because he was a massive pussy.
Next period, Jeff was sat in the back row again. He was in English class. His teacher was JCtheHyena, and thus, the class was pointless. Jeff was sat between Luigi and Jacob. Luigi was glaring at his brother, and Jacob had glued his palm to his face. About five minutes later, Jacob did manage to unstick the palm from his face with a ruler. "Hey," He said, "Aren't you Jeff the Killer?" "Yeah." Jeff replied. And the mockery began. "Hey, how's RAAAAANDYYY?" Jacob asked. "Dead." Jeff replied. "Did a thing of bleach fall on his head?" Jacob asked. "No, I beat him to death." Jeff replied. "How's Big Jane Lebowski?" Jacob asked. "Are you mocking me?" Jeff replied. "Oh, no, of course not." Jacob said. "Good." Jeff replied. "I just think your story sucks." Jacob said. "You take that back." Jeff pulled out a knife. He was then promptly thrown out of the window.
The next day was, somehow, Sunday. Jane was over at Jeff's house. Jane, because this is a Jeff the Killer spin-off, liked Jeff, and wanted to screw him. After a few hours of very bad 'courtship', the house started being egged. Luckily, Jeff had a deus-ex bazooka. When Jeff was done mopping up the remains of the problem, Jane decided to get desperate.
When Jeff came back, Jane was naked. Then they had sex. Niether of them had a single idea what they were doing, so Jeff imagined he was stabbing her. Thus he prematurely ejaculated and fell asleep after 4.87142487284955649325 seconds. (As he put it after English class).
After Jeff woke up, Jane threw him out of the window, followed by his clothes. Jeff re-dressed and walked off to the shop for no real reason at all. He bought a bunch of mundainities. He went home to find Jane, his knife and his beer gone. Luckily she didn't find his stash of 'Jeff's Forest-Fire Whisky'. Then he got a call from an unknown number. He picked up, it was Liu. He told Jeff to meet him, with Jacob, Matt and Toby by the kitchen the next day, then hung up. Jeff then called everyone he knew. Slendy and Eyeless Jack didn't care, Laughing Jack cacked his pants roaring with laughter (what else), Jane didn't pick up (Jeff tried 28 times), Thomas, the Toppler and Tyler offered to help, X asked if he had stolen the LSD again, Smile.dog barked, and Natalie questioned Jeff's credibility.
Monday - Perplexingly a diary entry for no reason
Jeff arrived at the arranged meeting location. Liu arrived with Jane. Why you ask? This world's god was having an anurism or something. Then Liu told Jacob, Matt and Toby to read his story, 'Homicidal Liu', and act like it was perfect (it isn't, it sucks), or he would kill them, and all their friends. At this threat, Toby became the Toffee Crisp Vampire. Then Jeff stabbed Liu at light speed, thanks to the apparently radioactive bleach that had fallen on his head and spontaneously combusted (because bleach can't naturally be set aflame). Then Slenderman appeared for no reason and picked Liu up. The Tobeast fired lazers at Slendy and they bounced off the sharpie marks, because that's how lazers work. The lazers hit Liu's feet and he slowly started becoming a giant toffee crisp. Then, Jane stabbed the Tobeast and the knife became a toffee crisp. Liu was almost entirely toffee crisp and then Ben appeared.
"HELLO LIU, OR SHOULD I SAY, GOODBYE LIU!"
Liu died.
The end.
Category:Trollpasta
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Category:DIALOGUE!
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