Mclaughlin Scorpler

was a lineup player for the Hades Tigers, and was with the team from the until being incinerated on , Day 32. Scorpler also played for the New York Millennials.
==Official League Records==
Scorpler joined the ILB as a lineup player for the New York Millennials with .
During the , Scorpler was traded to the Hades Tigers in exchange for Alyssa Harrell via the blessing.
During the , Scorpler received both the Fireproof Jacket and Noise-Cancelling Headphones blessings. However, because players can only use one armor item at a time, the Headphones replaced the Jacket entirely. (The Headphones would later be lost, along with all other Discipline Era items across the league, at the beginning of Season 15.) 
On , Day 32, Scorpler was incinerated and replaced by Frasier Shmurmgle.
Scorpler's Jacket reappeared as a blessing in the season 7 elections. It was won by Jesús Koch of the Canada Moist Talkers, and referred to in the election results as "Mclaughlin Scorpler's Memorial Fireproof Jacket."
==History==
Scorpler had traditionally worn the official jacket sported by Ryan Gosling in the 2011 film Drive on top of their Blaseball jersey while at bat. They both share the same birthday, and Gosling himself presented Scorpler with the jacket as a birthday present. They had been happily married for 12 years before Scorpler's incineration. 
There had been reports from Hollywood journalists that Scorpler and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson were on shaky terms. This was likely due to a recent fight between the two after Johnson refused to accept Scorpler as the one true Scorpion King.
Scorpler did not have a driver's license. However, this did not stop them from driving for the ride-sharing app Uber. After being traded to the Hades Tigers, Scorpler was no longer contractually obligated to have a "side hustle," but chose to continue driving for Uber anyway.
After moving to Hades, Scorpler worked closely with fellow batter Fish Summer on a business venture designing luxury, jumbo sized enclosure decorations. Scorpler has been quoted as saying "the treasure chest is especially going to slap." However, after Fish was swapped by feedback and Scorpler was incinerated, it seems unlikely this venture will ever be completed.
===Fireproof Jacket===
During the Season 5 elections, the Blaseball Gods blessed Scorpler with a and approximately 1,200 pairs of tiny, scorpion-sized Noise-Cancelling Headphones. Later, Scorpler showed up to practice without the fireproof jacket, stating that they "have no clue where it went" and that they "prefer mine anyway." 
The Commissioner's version of the story is that "scorpler tried on the jacket, then took it off and chose the headphones. no one else put on the jacket."The Commissioner [@Blaseball] (6 Sep 2020). (Tweet) - via Twitter. Scorpler's teammates also reported that Scorpler had to choose between wearing the fireproof jacket, and wearing the cool scorpion jacket, and ultimately made the right decision. When asked again after Scorpler's incineration, their teammates collectively declined to comment.
Ironically, Scorpler was later incinerated on Ruby Tuesday, leaving behind nothing but a pile of ashes and his headphones.https://archiveofourown.org/works/26488783 The headphones are now on display in the Landry Violence Memorial Hall. Scorpler's lost fireproof jacket was later found and given to Jesús Koch in soliditary over the losses both teams suffered on that dark day.
==Trivia==
*Scorpler named their bat "The Stinger".
*Scorpler's favorite music artist was Sting. They had shared many a lunch together.
*Scorpler's favorite wrestler was Sting. Scorpler taught Sting The Scorpion Deathlock.
*Scorpler's favorite film series was The Scorpion King.
*Scorpler was known to only play Scorpion in the Mortal Kombat game series. Even when playing another fighting game, they insisted and ask if they can play Scorpion.
*Scorpler's favorite band was The Scorpions. Whenever Scorpler takes the mound, "Rock You Like a Hurricane" was played.
*Scorpler was a Scorpio.
*Scorpler had previously worked as a tour guide on an amphibious Frog Boat, but was fired after commandeering the boat to reach a Millennials' game they were late for.
==Fan Works==
File:Scorpler.png|Season 3 Scorpler, by @rabbit_traps
File:Scorpcard.png|Season 3 card, by @rabbit_traps
File:Scorpler by wrendorphin.jpeg|Season 4 Scorpler, by @wrendorphin
File:Scorpler by juangeedraws.jpeg|Season 6 Scorpler, by @juangeedraws
File:Scorpler Where's the Jacket.jpg|Scorpler Where's the Jacket by Cori
File:Mclaughlin Scorpler.png|Scorpler, by @thebarse.
File:Scorpler and Jesús.jpg|alt=Jesús Koch and the spirit of Mclaughlin Scorpler have a conversation. Jesús is a fish hybrid person and Scorpler is a guy made out of scorpions wearing the Drive jacket. Text reads: Well, kid, ya blew it. Picked up a cursed item, now your whole life is gonna change. The good thing is--you're not the first shmuck to ever do it.|Scorpler and Jesús Koch, by Cori
File:Scorpler lines.jpg|alt=A digital drawing of Scorpler, a guy made out of scorpions who is wearing the Drive jacket, a jacket with a scorpion patch on the back. They have on a pair of cat headphones. Scorpler is sitting on the stairs and listening to his music.|Scorpler by Cori
File:Scorpler jacket.jpg|alt=A digital drawing of Scorpler, a guy made out of scorpions who is wearing the Drive jacket, a cream and black jacket with a golden scorpion patch on the back. They have on a pair of cat headphones.|Scorpler by Cori
File:Scorpler tillman incident.jpg|alt=A watercolor drawing of Tillman Henderson about to hit Scorpler with a bat in an elevator. Tillman is a man with pale skin and black messy hair, wearing an orange jersey that reads HENDERSON. Scorpler is a guy made out of scorpions wearing a cream and black jacket with a gold scorpion patch on it.|Images taken moments before disaster (featuring Tillman), by Cori
File:Scorplers coffee.jpg|alt=A digital drawing of Scorpler holding a big cup of coffee. Scorpler is a guy made out of scorpions, and they are wearing a cream-colored jacket with black trim. The coffee cup is blue and shiny and steam is rising from it.|Scorpler's coffee, by Cori
File:Scorpler and Moody.jpg|alt=A watercolor painting of Scorpler and Moody Cookbook. Moody is a demon object head with a grimoire for a head and brown skin. They are wearing an apron that says Kiss the Cook. Scorpler is a guy made out of scorpions who has sunglasses on and big headphones. They are throwing up a peace sign and wearing the Drive jacket, a cream and black jacket with a golden scorpion on the back.|Victims of Ruby Tuesday, by Cori
==References==
Category:Players
Category:Original Players
Category:Incinerated Players
Category:Nominative Determinism