The Annals of Butoxus

The culture and science of the human buttox is studied by few which is unfortunate. "To know the buttox", said Jean Paul Sartre, "is to know the essence of the non-absurdity of human anallity...look in the mirror every day and gaze upon the unseen, the forgotten, the deep, the mysterious...then you will know what it means to get to the bottom of things".
As with everything, records of cultural attitudes towards the ass start with the Greeks:
==The classical buttox==
Greek society was mildly fixated on the male buttox and various sources inform us of Greek buttoxery. Greeks prefered strong sweaty buttoxes after Olympic marathons as opposed to the flabby buttox of dirty old pedophile-philosophers. In Greek commedy soldiers often fight over the prized buttoxes of 16-year-old male prisoners of war. It is argued that Greek warriors wore kilt like uniforms so that they could gain easy access to one anothers behinds in order to massage each others cheeks before battle. This was known to create a close sense of fraternity amongst one another and ensure valour on the battle field. An illustration on a Greek vause shows Zeus sculpting the human ass out of butter as the finishing touch of man before creating him. One thing that is certain is that Athenians had absolutely no regard for the buttoxes of women, foreigners, slaves or animals unless they were particularly inebriated.
The Romans copied everything Greeks along with lust for teenage anus. However they didn't care too much for the buttoxes of sixteen year olds but found fifteen year old ass sleeker and slightly less pungent. Caligula, the syphilitic madman not only preferred 15th year vintages but he also horse arse. His death was attributed to assasination though his young boy slaves found him stuck inside the rectum of his favourite war-horse. His experimentation went too far and he had a closed casket funeral. He paved the way for future man/animal/anus exploration and thanks to him, today ass-aminal fetish occur only the horse is now a gerbil and it's the gerbil that goes up the man's ass.
==Cave men==
Cavemen and cavewomen buttoxology can be reconstructed by burrial site artifacts. They certainly had buttoxes and they were aware of their buttoxes and likely used their buttoxes when having caveman sex. It is not clear however if they ate melted chocolate off of each others rumps or not, or how homosexuals could litteraly eat each others asses in secret wihtout being caught. We may never know the answer
==Bolly-bums==
In the 3rd century A.D., a man named was so obsessed with Indian buttoxes that he decided to make a giant book about it, however this book was lost in the masters and since he forgot what he was writing about, he instead wrote a book about people locked in sex positions with very little views of actual asses, except for the ass-flopped-over-like-silly-dough position. Personally I preferred the "Narwhal in a pool of sour cream with a rubber band wrapped around my dong several times over" position but that's beyond the point. My point is that when it comes to buttoxes, Vatsyayana was the visionary of his...little area.
==Japanese and the buttox==
The midaevil Japanese had a peculiar view of the buttox in the sense that they didn't believe that they had buttoxes. They certainly have two round rumps in the shape of a buttox and the orifice that is at the heart of a buttox but having these does not necesarily mean that one has a buttox...at least for the Japanese. And according to them they most certainly do not have one...a buttox that is.
Even though they strictly deny that they have buttoxes that hasn't kept them from commenting on the form and shape of the area of the body that non-Japanese barbarians refer to as the buttox. In general the Japanese preferred very round rumps that were plump and showed a little cleavage. They often powdered their rumps with a very fine powder ground from the bones of particularly foul smelling fish. Japanese were keen on describing the part of the body that barbarians refer to as a buttox, in their minimalist poetry haiku. They often compared the round shape to the moon, the warmth of the area to the burning sun and the sweat that beads down it to the mighty waterfalls of Hokkaido.
==The buttox in mighty Mother Africa==
When the Benin Empire was at its height of its power in 1550 A.D., following the fall of the Mali Empire, which Benin obviously digested to reach its Super Saiyan state, there were many women there that had buttoxes so beautiful they had to have elephants tortured and make ivory keepsakes of their glorious buttox. However, these were lost and all we have are wooden plaques of women's faces and men's nipples. Of course, you can often judge a woman how hot her ass is by how beautiful her face is.
Little they knew their dreams of their asses wouldn't matter because a century later they would be sent to America for farming internships with a promising possibility of life long work.
==Zucchini people of Finland==
The native people of Finland before the invasion of homo-erectus were a vastly different form of primate lacking many features that the modern human has. Intermingling between natives and modern Finish people have resulted in the Zucchini people who have gained most human features except the buttox. Most Zucchini people are extremely jealous and envious of their buttox-endowed neighbors and will compensate by placing large loaves of bread in the back of their pants or by using the generous welfare money they receive from the Finnish government by getting buttoxoplasty surgery. However the Zucchini people of Finland are always aware of their lack of an authentic buttox and much of their melancholic music famous around the world stems from this deep feeling of loss that they all suffer.
Category:Anatomy