Why I Don't Use PornHub Anymore

I used to love going on PornHub. I used to love going home after a long day of work to browse the latest videos from my favorite stars. You probably use it occasionally too, don't lie. There was one uploader that I absolutely loved however: Davis. I would hardly ever watch porn from any other uploader. Only Davis. I don't know anything about her. I don't think anyone does. Her most popular video has 4937 views, with her new videos reaching around 200 or so views, and zero comments. The videos are around ten minutes each, with a new one being uploaded every hour on the hour, for four years straight. Its strange, really. Does Davis ever sleep? Is she OK? Is she always horny? Is she even real? Back then, I didn't care what the answer was. I was just really horny, and davis001 was the best way to satisfy my needs.
One day, I was watching her videos as usual, and I noticed that this video was a few seconds longer than her other ones. I watched to the end, and instead of her usual outro, a video clip played. It was of her standing in the middle of her living room, and she looked at the camera, and showed a large piece of paper. The paper said "Leave your suggestions in the comments!" This was a revelation for me. It confirmed that the davis001 channel was being run by someone, but it could still be an AI. I was excited. For the first time ever, I could speak to my favorite star and she could read it. I didn't know what to say. She already did every single position, and every fetish imaginable on her channel, so what could I suggest that she hasn't done yet. Quickly, my hands drifted across the keyboard and I wrote what came to mind: "I love you Davis. Come to my house and fuck me. I don't care that you have thirteen STDs. I will happily take them all if it means I get to fuck you. My address is-" and then I wrote my address. Immediately after commenting, I realized what I had done, but before I could delete the comment, davis001 responded: "thanks baby ;)"
A week went by. Davis was still making videos every hour, and I was jerking to them as usual. One night I heard crying downstairs. I checked my phone and it was 3AM. I went to go downstairs to check on my baby. Oh yeah I forgot to mention that I have a baby. Its totally been there the whole time and isn't something I made up in order to lure my protagonist downstairs. Anyway, I went down into my garden where my baby sleeps but then I remembered:
I don't have a baby. I never had a baby.
A chill went down my spine, and I was fearing for my safety. I live alone, so I don't know who would be crying at my house at 3AM. Then I heard a voice behind me. "free me". I looked behind and there was a figure wearing a completely white outfit. Covering their face and everything. He or she pulled out a gun and shoved it into my hand. Being the only way to progress the story, I shot the figure in the head, and their outfit turned black. I found the zip for its outfit and opened the uniform. It was Davis.
Then I woke up. It was all just a dream. The time was 3:09AM and I got a boner. I checked my phone for porn and visited davis001's channel as usual. She was last online nine minutes ago. I wasn't in the mood for porn all of a sudden, so I went back to sleep. I woke up the next day and went to work. When I got back from the strip club after a long day of janitor work, I checked on Davis.
Last Online: 18 hours ago.
I cut my dick off that same day and hanged myself. I will never watch porn again.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Im died
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep