Michael Flynn

General Michael Flynn is a Marine, Martial Arts Master, Navy Seal, Samurai Warrior, Commander of the Fleet, and a Druid.
Born in an unknown year in the Emerald Isle of Leprechaun Castle, or the other way around. It was famous for the Potato Festival held annually. Or whenever the weather was good. He amassed a small fortune kept in golden vessels and pots under the desert floor of an unknown location near the Rainbow's End said to exist somewhere in Arizona. It's also fairly close to Heisenberg's stash just one state over. He stands at six feet tall, however when he's in Ninja mode he's said to be anywhere from four feet which can rapidly change to nine feet and eleven inches. He was also part of the victorious team who thwarted the evil gingers with no souls in the Irish underground network that sold defective lucky charms to an unsuspecting world. The Irish were shocked when this discovery was discovered. But Flynn was busy with other matters. He commanded a mission that built a dozen extra Stonehenges in various regions of the Emerald Isles and named them in Roman fashion (Stonehenge II, Stonehenge III, ad nauseam).
While the mission was a success, the names given to them were criticized as being too Roman. Flynn had to explain the history of the Druids, and how they battled foreign enemies, and friendlies in the past. How exotic foods and lucky charms could be seen as a sign of aggression and why it could be problematic to not include the Romans in some way. After all, the last thing anyone needed was a war between China and Ireland. The Chinese would be mercilessly defeated and the Romans would just make fun of everyone.
==Humble Beginnings==
His grandparents, Finn O'Shucks and Fiona McMona met at a pub somewhere on the Irish Moors (some moody and brooding place that for some reason is mispronounced as s'mores). At the time the area was used as a plantation of crops consisting of wolf's bane and thick fog that was harvested into jars and sold to voodoo witch workshops across the world. Essentially the fog was a weather product that fared much better than wolf's bane as there wasn't really a market for it in most places of the known world, except for where there were problems with werewolves, and the Black Sea.
When Finn O'Shucks took the reigns of the plantation he naturally inherited the workforce and the house maid who was known only as Lass the Maiden. No one knew why. She was referred to as Miss Lass around the house. She cleaned, she cooked, did the laundry, and sometimes she did the Solstice shopping. It wasn't long after that, that Finn and Miss Lass developed a relationship and became lovers. Other house servants observed this going on and spoke to McMona, who kept her last name when she married Finn because she didn't want to be called Fiona O'Shucks. She opted for the silly rhyming name rather than that of O'Shucks. By this point in time, Miss Lass had been cooking for the couple and as her last employers had her do for them, she would bring breakfast in bed to Fiona as her husband was already up by noon. Fiona loved Miss Lass's cooking and food presentation so much that the news of her husband carrying on an affair with Miss Lass was basically met with suspicion that the other house servants were trying to steal her breakfast. Fiona told them to mind their own business and went on eating the fluffy biscuits with honey butter and fresh fruits. The delicately scrambled eggs and potato slices wrapped in bacon, lightly salted, and served with a robust coffee with sweet cream was heaven and she just couldn't see giving that up.
As time went on Finn and Miss Lass had some children. So did Finn and Fiona, when she wasn't managing the five-star restaurant she opened when she realized she could cook as well as Miss Lass. It was also smart having financial back up if thick fog and wolf's bane were to ever tank. All the other servants were also doing this sort of thing, as well, and the whole lot grew in number. They had to move from the Moors just as they got the werewolf attacks down to a minimum, to a much larger area and ended up at Easter Island. That lasted for a few years but the heads sticking out of the ground was more unnerving than the werewolves so they all moved to Arizona. At that time Arizona was the world's largest area of forest rivaling even the Amazonian Rain Forests. Hard times surely fell on the Amazonian feature but not as hard as what happened in Arizona. By then the young Michael Flynn whose parents lived for a time at the Leprechaun Castle before moving to a desert for no reason, was well versed in the art of cooking. As well as the art of using bladed weapons, daggers, bamboo staffs, rope darts, Glock 23 handguns, semi-automatic weapons, and so on.
==In His Youth==
Flynn traveled the flat earth, or more like, he traveled the top part of the world since the bottom half of it was still under an evil spell that kept it in the dark, and while it did that, the cheese ball rebelled too. Making sure there was a dark side of itself that would never turn to face the world because the bottom half of the world was being a bitch and the moon was fighting with it, and mocking it. The military had to monitor the situation closely. That's where Flynn comes in. He was basically trained and hired on as contractor to construct a space slide from the Earth to the Moon which is also known as the Cheese Ball and therefore that is why, according to the earth, the moon is such an asshole. The slide was great in theory but ended up being a disaster since nobody could turn it into a theme park. Flynn had tried numerous times to explain that it would need a lot of water to make it a suitable slide, but the military at that time couldn't understand how a water slide could function from a dry and barren moonscape to the earth. Flynn would often remind them that it works in Arizona. But nobody listened and they forced him to construct water slides inside the earth. When Flynn tried to explain that the curse involving the bottom of the world, and how they couldn't have water slides where they wanted them, as they would end up being a bunch of mudslides, they brought in Darth McBasterd also known as H. R. Muffinstuff to thwart the suave Michael Flynn of the Castle Leprechaun.
But as luck would have it, and the Irish is known for luck, Flynn was hired by a better military leader and soon went up the ranks to become a General and Commander. Then better luck sprung from the Irish Springs to bestow a world leader capable of building water slides from the moon to the earth. Things were looking up, but Darth McBasterd couldn't stand that and plotted ways to destroy Flynn and the new Commander in Chief. Muffinstuff went about hiring thugs like Jake Sullivan from the Italian Mob to spy on everyone. These individuals served the thing that was causing the curse at the bottom of the world and thus keeping the world from enjoying a water slide from the moon to the earth. The Commander in Chief hired an ancient sage whose hobby it was to never fall for anything. This is where Ezra Conan Watnick comes in. He was hired as a spy to thwart the other spies and to keep tabs on the development of any slides coming and going between the celestial bodies that we are all trapped on. When Watnick discovered the evil plot to destroy Flynn, he alerted his staff. Ezra was being all extra and turned all energies of the ancient sage masters against the evil Darth Muffinstuff. When the evil plotters and co-conspirators were exposed, they really went after Flynn big time. They captured his son Robin Hoodie and threatened his lawyer Sidney Powell. Ezra was not in the least bit surprised. Or amused. Detecting that somehow he had been tricked.
==Pitted Against The Dark Side==
When McBasterd's cover had been blown, he went into the dark dungeons to consult with the evil thing of the curse. Not knowing how to interpret Mud Speak from the deep he opted to target Flynn's loved ones. Since Flynn had a copious amount of loved ones, the task was nearly impossible and would require him to be so drastic in trying to destroy Flynn that he would ultimately end up in prison for bombing Arizona and Leprechaun Castle. What an evil warlord like McBasterd wanted was to destroy Flynn without the world knowing that he was doing this kind of shit.
So he came up with frivolous excuses for why Flynn wasn't allowed to use the telephone. He plastered signs all over Flynn's workplace stating that the phones were all out-of-order and to use the payphones outside. McBasterd had wire-tapped the payphones. It was an evil plan to trap Flynn doing prank calls and use that to make him out to be some kind of prankster. But Flynn wasn't using the payphones after he answered the indoor phone and realized the phone lines were working and he tossed the out-of-order signs in the trash. When answering the phone, Flynn was the one being prank-called. This pissed off the goofy-looking Muffinstuff. He grabbed Flynn and locked him in a laundromat. He was honestly trying to stuff Flynn into a dryer but Flynn had a pair of nunchucks which he easily used against McBasterd's huge tuna-neck. However Flynn was trapped inside the laundromat and had to wait until all the dryers were finished.
Since the plan against Flynn wasn't working out so great, McMuffin, decided to go after Robin Hoodie, Flynn's famous folk hero son. This would prove to be more hurtful to Flynn personally than to frame him as a telephone joke jockey. Hoodie had been stealing from the rich to give to the poor, but it was mostly incantations of fortune and prosperity discarded by the rich. A trick he had learned from his grandparents as passed down from the days of old when wolf's bane just wasn't enough.
Because there was nothing to prove he could speak fluent Gaelic to summon the Invisible Dancing Leprechaun who was said to live in the deserts between Mexico and Arizona by this time, McBasterd was never able to pin any modern day crimes on the Medieval hero of old. Who just happened to be young still.
Nevertheless, this didn't stop the deranged Stuffin tuna-neck from capturing Hoodie and throwing him into a very dark place which was wired up to include sound effects to scare him even more. There were sounds of beasts growling. Sounds of slow-moving footsteps, with one foot dragging across a floor. There were sounds of snakes hissing, of wolves howling, of guns being loaded and cocked to aim at a target. Sounds of the Lone Ranger and the Wilhelm scream and other random screams. Bombs exploding, machine guns firing, horses running, bells ringing, and what sounded like people having sex. After Hoodie had wandered away from the dark place, barely missing the trip wires and trap nets, the anaconda and the mutant tarantula, the hidden mine tracks and the runaway mine cart, he went to his father to tell him of all the goofiness that happened to him. And if the girl he heard in the dark had a phone number.
Flynn was contacted by McBasterd and told directly that his son would be subjected to more dark places and that the sounds he would be hearing next would be entire episodes of The Lawrence Welk Show.
Dread befell them, and Flynn gave in and offered a confession that he called the major appliance store and asked them if their iceboxes were running. Satisfied with Flynn's surrender, McBastered visited the store and wrote out a report about the phone call. While the Flynns were being held at gunpoint by a little troll who thought he was Gas Fring from Breaking Bad, McPuffinstuff found that he couldn't use any of the evidence against Flynn because Flynn failed to use the punchline about how they should hurry and catch the iceboxes. It would read in court that Flynn simply asked if their iceboxes were running and got a satisfactory answer and bought an icebox that was functional.
==Judge Enema Sullivan==
As usual, McBasterd had bought off the judge and told him to keep his sights on Flynn. Normally judges are supposed to be owned only by evil leprechauns who've blackmailed them. In Enama's case, there were no evil leprechauns just McBasterd. Who knew Enema's dirty little secrets. It was no coincidence that people who engaged in battle with that judge had been the unwitting victims of what it truly meant to be at the mercy of Enema. Enema spent months on end trolling Flynn. He would get himself in the newspapers talking about Flynn with strategically placed ads of products like Detoxify, Metamucil and Pepto Bismol. Fortunately Flynn escaped the wrath of the chocolate wizwang when his lawyer amassed a mountain of evidence against Flynn's trolls and evil leprechauns. McBasterd flew into a rage. He grabbed Flynn, again, and forced him to face the judge. That's when Flynn used his special flying-dagger tiger-leap technique causing McBasterd to lose his grip, attempting to grab Flynn by his leg which caused him to fall over taking himself down as well. It was at this point that Enema tried to lunge toward Flynn and ended up in McCaster's nasty. Flynn walked away with minor scratches. The other two didn't really walk away. More like wobbled, and falling back down.
==Digital Soldiers==
An online message board is where this phenomena became a massive intel port hosting thousands of cooks, recipes, and bakers. Flynn and his family had finally built an empire of digital tasty treats that the forces of evil were now scrambling to beat the chefs at scrambling things. A lot of broken eggs ensued. A man who wore a hat, who called himself a monkey, who also coded, and used the letter Z was the brainchild of another man in a hat who was last seen sharpening his paring knife in Hell's Kitchen. Not the television contest reality show, the actual kitchen in Hell.
When Flynn discovered this coding genius who could whip up a killer soufflé and roast like nobody's business, he invited the monkey coding chef to embark on a mission to save all the children, their children's children and the former children that were before those children and the step children who were not the children of the step mom but the children of the real dad and a couple of strays who were, at one point, also children. Or the step dad of the real children who were, in fact, now the parents (if only by marriage) of the said prior children.
Somehow the man in the hat (a white hat) who called himself a monkey (sometimes he wore a black hat) and coded (sometimes he wore a bandana) and used the letter Z (sometimes he didn't even wear anything) understood Flynn's proposal and set up a nice board for the purpose of a letter. The man in the hat who called himself a monkey told Flynn to pick any letter except the letter Z. So Flynn contacted Kribs and asked him if he had already spoken with The Secret Wizard and gave them the number to the man in the hat, who called himself a monkey, etc. Everything was a go, and the letter Q was decided upon for the name of the intel drops that would soon become a legendary database, bakery, food court, and an all-you-can-eat buffet.
Flynn then called upon cooks, chefs, bakers, and lots of hungry people to become the now famous Digital Soldier Army. Memes and mockery overflowed. Mousse, Mai Tai, sandwiches, bacon, fried potatoes, mashed potatoes, brownies, funny brownies, lasagna, spaghetti, dominoes pizza, dominoes by themselves hold the pizza, and macaroni were soon the culinary delight of the world. Along with popcorn for those who could manage some culinary skills using a microwave oven.
==Bakers, Chefs, and Kitchens of the Deep Fry==
By the time Flynn's bakers and chefs were in full operation with the new gadgets, servers, computers, routers and can openers, the evil warlords from Hell's kitchen began such an onslaught against all things Q. And in turn all things Z. In fact all things from A to J followed shortly after. Then all things from L to P were next on the cutting board. Then a campaign ensued by triggered cultist sky screamers against all things R to V. Then that moved onto canceling all things W, X, and Y. When the dishes coming from the kitchens of Q took off in such record numbers bringing the hungry masses such tasty cuisine, that's when more alphabets would suffer cancellation. Ç, Ñ, and Ü were attacked. When É protested this atrocity that aimed to slaughter the letters of languages, let alone the languages themselves, É was cancelled and then out of sheer cruelty the Umlaut was dragged through the mud and ended up resembling 黑眼睛.
Despite all this, Q soared in popularity all around the world. While giant Nazi companies everywhere slashed at anything that wasn't represented by a logo, clowns, or sour looking media personalities. When Prince heard about the warmongering snobs of the Deep State trying to destroy the Deep Fry, he immediately changed his logo to resemble a drive-thru menu. Other celebrities that had logos in their name believed this to be a new trend, so they adopted menus of other fast food chains. Sure to use letters in the menus to explain what the menus offered, they had no idea they were in fact helping the Q and the rest of the alphabet for many languages still languishing. Thwarted again, evil warlords had to use the letters of the alphabet again just to place an order. Meanwhile Flynn was just sitting back, smoking a cigar and laughing his ass off. Then he carved a turkey. Using an electric knife from a company that didn't use a logo.
==The Dark Druid?==
After some time, Q was starting to feel more and more elusive, an enigma, a mystery. So it decided to just take a break from all that. Being vague and slipping out of the picture just added to the mystery and Q took a leave of absence. When talking head media moguls asked bakers and other random people what happened, the short answer was Q broke up with us! while walking away from the dumbass reporters. But the people felt that deep down a curse had been placed on them for making so many memes and main entrées that it overwhelmed Q and that could have resulted in Q doing the disappearing act. And this was a movie, after all, and the director had the final say in how the plot would unfold. Everyone seemed to be having an identity crisis, and went back to square one.
It wasn't until Lin Wood got involved with Q that the Druids would soon be put into the spotlight. Lin was already familiar with spotlights being a Disco king and liked shiny objects. He practiced law and won one of the world's most famous cases Disco Lives Forever vs The Grateful Dead. When Lin was invited to Leprechaun Castle by General Flynn, the Commander of the Digital Soldier Army, he found a large ballroom that he thought at first was the disco room. Turned out that he found what the Munchkins (who had helped build the castle) installed was a large floating head breathing fire and demanding broomsticks from wicked witches. This didn't set well with Lin. Not by a long shot. He traveled to Arizona to ask Flynn what was up with the big head guy in Ireland.
Flynn, mistaking what Lin's question was about, answered with a nod and a wink, and said that was probably one of the Druids and not to worry about it too much. As you can imagine, Lin was more than peeved. However in Lin's defense this was more or less due to the strange green floating head that gave him first degree burns. So in light of this Lin decided that Flynn was a dark Druid and was keeping a giant monster head in a castle instead of the more docile mirror ball. When Lin got back to his castle/discotheque, he reported on all the weird things going on with Flynn.
Meanwhile Flynn was oblivious to all this until a huge floating disco ball with an afro landed near a cactus, where Flynn happened to be standing. Flynn didn't understand the omen but felt deeply hurt. Over what, he still couldn't tell but he knew that his feelings had been hurt and that someone was out to smash that cactus. Flynn contacted Lin by telephone and after Lin picked up the phone, Flynn spoke in code. It was understandable given his past experience with telephones. At first Lin couldn't understand the strange language that Flynn was talking, so Flynn told him to just wait until he could talk to him in person. Five minutes later Flynn met up with Lin at an Aztec Temple thanks to Elon Musk's teleport apparatus that was powered by earthworm-holes.
After they greeted each other with Hello and Hey Jive Turkey, Flynn was told about the incident at Leprechaun Castle. Sighing with relief, Flynn explained that he thought Lin was talking about something else when he tried to tell him all about it the first time. Flynn offered his condolences and told Lin that he wasn't listening too well when Lin relayed the encounter. Flynn was preoccupied with other strange things and events. Finally Flynn told his disco dancing friend that when the castle was built the Munchkins put that feature in there and did he not notice a curtain in the room? Lin, of course, did not notice a curtain in that room as he was busy trying to boogie on out of there and find a first aid kit.
Flynn went on to tell him of the man behind the curtain who used to voice the floating head, but that he left in a balloon when some crazy girl, a strawman, a can of whupass, and a large furry gremlin confronted him and dragged him away. The floaty green menace of a head was active only because nobody could figure out how to turn the machine off. Lin laughed at the whole misunderstanding and said that he'd heard that story before. Flynn informed him that other lands had problems with this floating head dude in the past. That there were other folks who had to send him away in balloons and that somehow the Munchkins are the ones who keep this thing going.
As a result of all this, Q seemed to escape the spotlight making the green floating giant dismembered head the focus of everything while the machine whirred on relentlessly in the background. No one knew if Q was watching the machine or not, but the once sunny tourist destination was suddenly engulfed in a fog that forecasters predicted would last at least a hundred years.
==The Leprechaun Druid==
This was the legacy so far of a military operation that gripped the world in such a gripping and inclusive operation of the military legacy of this. It was like a mirror, with a Twilight Zone flair. It was a bunch of actors in masks and wigs and it was the audience that was included into the movie as extras. Even though the fine print indicated that everyone would have to do their own stunts. Even the stuntmen had to do their own stunts. Lots of carnage ensued.
Flynn was once again the subject of a bizarre rumor. Unlike the first one that portrayed him as a man who had a castle as a second home wherein he kept a giant floating head obsessed with broomsticks (and possibly umbrellas), this rumor was weirder yet. While Flynn was a Druid, he was not an actual Leprechaun. He had some leprechaun lineage, but he was just a man who happened to be very good friends with the leprechauns. But as rumors spread like wildfire, and rainbows, and lucky charms, he was hailed as the first Leprechaun to achieve the status of Druid and General. And Commander. And had a black belt in Kung Fu.
Besides the military operation where everyone was cast in their movie, and subjected to brain damage, brain wracks and brain clouds, Flynn would meet in secret with his fellow military team that included others who were not military but in fact aliens. Aliens who knew how to use military equipment, vehicles, ships and weapons. Nobody in the general cast population knew about this of course. Everyone was already told that aliens were either not real or that they were not interested in anything to do with Earth. But other people not in Flynn's secret meetings decided to start telling everyone that the aliens were real and that they were indeed going to kill everyone and eat them for lunch.
As such the military had to use this guy John Durham to keep everyone from freaking out. Saying that the aliens would be arrested. Soon. Very soon. This ruse had become so popular that everyone decided to start improvising their own lines and went off script numerous times during production. Flynn, Durham and even Ezra had to disguise themselves as leprechauns to avoid being asked questions regarding the military, aliens and weapons of mass hysteria. Still the populace refused to cooperate.
Yet the rumors of Flynn being a leprechaun persisted. He didn't really help matters much when he actually tried to disguise himself as a leprechaun. There were even more extras who painted Flynn as a leprechaun who kept a green floating alien head in a jar in a castle made by a Jedi who was rumored to be a gremlin. And if that wasn't enough, aliens were already planning an invasion in Canada and Washington State. Flynn had to amass another alien invasion to thwart the first alien invasion and the movie the military was trying to direct had to drop everything to prevent Alien Resurrection the obvious box office title being considered for their film, as there was already a production by that same name. They had to prevent other titles being considered as well. For instance Noah's Ark & The Stone Commandments, Moses & His Ark of Sheep, and Conan The Bearded Spy Who Spied On Me.
Meanwhile the Wizard Wiz Kid walked around and nobody recognized him without his plexiglass on. Likewise Prince walked among the people and nobody recognized him without his tombstone on. And nobody recognized Kribs without his lovely hair, failed parachute and salad recipes. The military at this current time is overseeing some dumbass alien invasion that nobody cares about because nobody can contact the screenwriter anymore because he was cancelled. Flynn is rumored to be active to this day doing something. Nobody knows what. But rest assured it's something that involves green.
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