Sherlock Bones' Right Royal Adventure

The deeds of Sherlock Bones had not gone unnoticed, and for his services to the nation he was summoned to Buckingham palace to receive a Knighthood for services to bone density. The unfortunate Dr Long Wishbone, being frightfully middle class, was told to wait outside with the other oiks.
Bones was left to idle in a corridor for a brief period when he noticed a trail of white liquid leading to a locked room. Of course, he was not one to let milk go to waste unchecked, and bashed open the door.
What he saw was terrible beyond belief.
The Nation's Monarch was lain flat on her back wearing nothing but the crown and a pair of heart covered Knickers round her ankles. Her legs were splayed and a foul, sex crazed Skeletel was thrusting his pelvis at her royal cunt, which was not a euphemism for Prince Andrew on this occasion alas. As you have doubtless deduced by now, the white liquid was not Milk but her maj squirting like a fire hydrant.
"VILLIAN! Roué!" Screamed Bones at the top of his nonexistent lungs, and lashed out. He couldn't let a Skeletel inseminate it's genes into the royal family. His kick was strong enough to separate the Skeleltel into two halves, The Hips and below continued pleasuring the Monarch, the ribcage and the rest sent flying across the room.
The Top Half of the Skeletel swivelled it's skull to stare with unsuppressed fury at Bones, and in that moment, he realised whose Skeletel remains had become this cad.
It was Prince fucking Phillip, premier assassin of the last two centuries, back from the dead to remain a source of comfort for his elderly widow. Bones had tried to nail him for the murder of Diana during his lifetime, and the failure to secure a conviction was one of his few failures. What was more, The ex Duke was one of the few Skeleltel's Bones feared to take on with good honest fisticuffs.
Phillip gave a scream of rage to rival his countryman Achilles and flung his top half for the ceiling, digging his bony fingers into the plaster to swing himself like a monkey after the dogged detective. Of course, the rest of him kept pleasuring his wife. It was only polite to let her finish after all.
Bones fled before the Arboreal assault, he would need Wishbone's help to stand a chance here... All he had to do was reach the car park. Bones launched himself out a window, breaking his fall upon a household guard, and helped himself to the soldier's Uniform and rifle, an incident that would lead to Eddie from Iron Maiden bringing a court case against him on a later occasion. But Bones couldn't be thinking about that now. He took off, firing off rounds and bayoneting anyone who stood in his way. Many police marksmen tried to bring him down, but the fools had failed to realise how many bullets it takes to kill a skeleton.
Nor had Prince Phillip been idle. The Skeletel had realized that he wouldn't be able to propel himself by arms alone without a ceiling above, so he had fused his torso to an unfortunate footman's back, and turned himself into a Skelentaur!
Fortunately, by now Wishbone had spotted what was going on and rode to the rescue, whipping out a copy of Spec Ops: The Line. He tossed the fateful disk at the Skel of the Skeletel, and Prince Phillip would have to spend the rest of the weekend crying down the phone asking his great-grandchildren how to work it so he could figure out how deeply Wishbone had insulted him, by which point the Skeleton detectives had made their getaway toward more calcium related cases.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Inside Jokes
Category:Unnecessary Sequels
Category:Skeletons
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep