Shrek Is Love: The Onion Strike

>be me age 23
>live in a high ass fug building on the 12th floor in a flat with my parents and my younger sister (19)
>have been a devoted brogre since I was 19
>trying to convince my little sister of the magnificence that is the great ogrelord
>she refuses to accept the onionmaster as her lord and ogreior
>know i have to think up a sophisticated plan of action to pull her onto the dark swamp >now was the time
>you see, i told my parents to take the flat on the 12th floor because through our windows a giant Shrek 3 poster could be seen perfectly
>1 week ago it was replaced by a pizza hut ad
>i prayed to the ogrelord night and day requesting instructions to regather the glory of the dark one
>finally i had an afflatus
>i planned to go on onion strike
>set up a tent next to the construction the shrek ad was formerly pinned onto
>seated myself with my swampish-green robe on the ground holding a sign up into the air that read "justice4shrek - onion strike in motion"
>the first few days i was entirely ignored by the masses
>my parents supported me all the way through; they knew how much shrek matters to me and the world
>10 days since the start I was merely skin and bones after having been without nutritious onions for such a giant time span
>i lied on the ground mid-day when my tired eyes made out a figure moving in my direction
>i thought another brogre was to finally join and support my cause
>i couldn't have been more wrong
>prince farquaad, CEO of pizza hut, was standing in front of me with the most smug grin one could imagine
>after having laughed sardonicly for circa 3 and a half minutes he spoke up
>"Well, if this isn't one of those weirdo Shrek followers once more. Get it through your thick skull: Shrek always was, is and will be inferior to me, prince Farquaad."
>weakly I mumble
>"No...it can't be..."
>I have given up my will to life
>prayed a last time requesting guidance and in case of my demise my welcoming into the great swamp
>closed my eyes awaiting farquaad to end my life through the use of his drek tomatos
>nothing
>nothing but little, fast-paced thuds from afar
>the thuds get closer and closer
>louder and louder until it's almost unbearingly loud
>suddenly it's quiet again
>I hear somebody say in a beautiful deep scottish accent "don't give up, laddy. there is much onion juice to live for"
>I open my eyes to see shrek standing in front of me
>his shrock is already fully erect with farquaads dwarf body hanging loosely on the shaft
>as he looks me in the eyes i regain massive amounts of new energy
>"thank you so much, shrek. but...the terrible pizza hut as is still in place..."
>with a soothing voice he assures me "do not worry, laddy. i will take care of it. But first, you have to take care of this.
>he points to his hypermassive shrock which is starting to go more and more flaccid
>"I understand, master. i will be your servant for the ritual."
>after having positioned myself appropriately for his giant ogre dick to fully engulf my anal cavities with swampy goodness, he exclaims "very well, laddy. very well."
>without warning he pierces through my anus going deeper and deeper by milliseconds of time
>i cum on the instant the tip of his farquaad blood-drenched glans made contact with my prostate
>he is not satisfied yet and continues the shreks for half an hour until my anus is torn
>i do not feel pain after he pulled out, i feel bliss
>shrek says "now to change this terrible poster back to its original state!"
>he takes a supersonic jump powered by his ogre farts into the sky while i yell "GO INTO OGREDRIVE"
>mere seconds after his body was illuminated completely by the clouds a bright green flash engulfs everything in a 1000 mile radius
>every poster and ad in that area has changed to posters with shrek's face and the saying "It's never ogre, laddies." on them
>they are protected by a thin power layer to prevent any harm farquaad followers could do
>contently i pack my tent and sign up ready to go back up into our flat to drink some onion juice as a refreshment for these rough weeks
>as i go past the corner to the entrance of the building, i bump into my sister
>she has a both shocked and fascinated look on her face
>"do not fear the ogrelord, my child. at last you finally see through the layers of the onion." i whisper to her before entering the building
>she has been a devoted shrek follower ever since
>Shrek is love.
>Shrek is life.
Originally posted on ShrekChan
Category:Trollpasta
Category:WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT
Category:Shrek
Category:Blatant Ripoffs
Category:Bad Fanfiction