A Guy in 1998 Gets a Computer Virus from a Vampire Who Wants to Destroy the World

This is a story, a very fucking insane story of the past, present, future and everything else in between. Now you see, life is like that really shitty game that you have in your collection that you just don't want to play because perhaps you bought it and now regret doing so or it has been forced into your possession. Regardless of its origins it's pretty shitty, like you try to play it a few times and you just suck at it and the game is unreasonable so you just get pissed off and quit playing for a long while. Then you kind of escape the game of life into your other games. but none of this really matters because the story is completely irrelevant to this statement. Perhaps you will proceed onto the next paragraph, perhaps you won't. Perhaps you didn't read up until this point, in which case I congratulate you for having saved yourself the extra few seconds it took to actually read this nonsensical introduction or the story for which at the time of writing just this I only had very few ideas. Now I suppose there's really no turning back and you have to watch me build this story unless you abuse your free will and read something else that you think is more worth your time.
This story begins in 1998 with this guy who's just a normal guy, nothing really worth mentioning about him, just some dude. That all changed when another dude came to his door and told him, "Hey, have you heard of the internet?"
So the dude was like, "No."
So the other dude tells him, "You should purchase a Windows 98 PC and get yourself that free internet from America OnLine."
So the dude is like, "Okay well thank you for telling me this information, I will be sure to purchase a Windows 98 PC and get myself some free internet from America OnLine."
So a few days passed and now this guy has a Windows 98 PC and he got the internet installed and everything, he boots it up for the first time and begins his computer journey. He goes into the AOL browser and he hears a loud ungodly noise to let him know it's working, albeit very slowly and painfully. His only words for this are, "Wow! This 'dial-up' is the future!" This guy endures all the hardships associated with dial-up happily because it's the most amazing thing in the world to him. He visited many sites across the early internet, met many people across the world, stumbled upon the earliest versions of that pornographic art from Japan. He played all of the coolest games and what not and he loved every second of it.
Then 1999 came around and this guy got into a chat room of paranoid maniacs who thought the world was going to end in 2000, so he hid in his basement with his computer, shut off from society with the thought that the world around him was ending.
When 2000 finally came, that magical computer technology got better, the internet was becoming more advanced and widespread, the games were getting better, everything seemed to be moving forward. Around 2003 when YouTube first became a thing, this guy is amazed, basically having a spiritual orgasm over it. He creates an account and begins recording poorly made, yet hilarious comedy sketches with his friends. He can't believe it, it's like having his own television show.
Years later in 2008, technology reached a point the guy never thought possible, and he just moved along with it, evolving with it if you will. He becomes sucked into the internet, blind to the world ending around him. Because of how advanced the games and YouTube had become, he quit his job and became a "professional gamer" and got paid to upload videos of himself playing Fallout 3 and talking about some random bullshit the entire time.
By some chance around 2015 this guy finally returns to the world, and saw that it had degenerated and was dead, and America had been overtaken by communists. The guy is now convinced that the only way to fix this fucked up world is to kill himself so his soul can be free from his body in the physical world and he can travel back in time to 1998 because the laws of reality no longer apply to him. There he stays stuck in the old world he had forgotten.
That is, until one day there's a knock on his door, so he answers it and there's a coffin standing there. It opens, revealing an old man with unusually pale skin and sharp teeth. The man gives him a disk and tells him in a ridiculous Romanian accent, "This is the solution to all of your problems." Then the coffin closes and spins into oblivion.
The guy puts the disk in his computer and it turns out to be a virus called the vampirus (this is probably the worst play on words ever). It makes his computer infinitely slower and eventually kills Windows 98 and replaces it with just a button that says "delete reality". The guy knows what he has to do, so he clicks the button and everything just goes blank.
After reading these final few sentences you'll probably just go off and disregard having just erased an alternate dimension which actually exists because the universe in which this story is set has been created and destroyed inside your mind. These words on your screen mean nothing until interpreted by your brain, and this story's universe existed because you perceived it, and by watching it grow and eventually die, you have also erased it from existence, but you still know it existed, so it's never really completely gone.
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT
Category:COMPUTERS AND INTERWEBZ
Category:LONG ASS TITLE
Category:DIALOGUE!
Category:Title that makes babbies laugh
Category:Trollpasta