The Tale of Punkman

I am Punkman, a punk living in the futuristic city of Zail. I have a small xore blaster hidden in my jacket and a holoband on my wrist. I woke up in a dark alley with bruises all over my body. I had no idea what happened. I stood up and saw a bloody piece of bionite. I once heard that bionite were intelligent, but I never saw one before.
"Hey there friend, my name is Punkman, how is it going?" I said. 
The bionite didn't respond, but I felt a surge of emotions. I felt fear from the bionite, happiness, sadness, and many more.
I then ate the bionite.
The bionite tasted like metal, but somehow felt like chewing on a ragdoll. It took about a minute of gagging and vomiting, but I eventually finished.
I then burped, then passed out again.
I then woke up, feeling refreshed.
I then took the bandana off my head and had a look at it.
The next time I woke up, I found myself surrounded by a mass of tiny black spiders.
I got out my gun and shot them.
They were just normal spiders.
Suddenly, a mutant dog attacked me.
I then felt the need to puke again.
I then decided to hold the vomit in my mouth and ate the mutant dog. 
The dog meat tasted very bad, but somehow, it filled my stomach. I felt as if I ate a brick.
I then tried to run away, but the mutant dog jumped on top of me and bit my throat.
"I THOUGHT I ATE YOU!" I yelled.
I then choked to death as my blood was drained from my body.
I then saw a darkness ahead of me in the tunnel and put my hands out in front of me. 
Suddenly, I felt a large bright light and I lost consciousness. 
I then woke up in the alley again, still surrounded by small black spiders.
I took a deep breath and got up. 
Suddenly, a group of mutants appeared from the darkness.
I then stared at the mass of spiders, and before my eyes, they began to move, consuming the black substance that was covering them. I no longer felt hungry. 
Suddenly, the spiders then formed an arrow that pointed to a sign saying: "All You Can Eat Diner" 
I then walked down the alley to find a restaurant. 
I entered the diner and took a look around.
Suddenly, a huge mass of black substance flew in the air and hit the glass window of the diner. 
I then called my brother, AL, who is a window repair guy to come fix the window. 
A waitress, who was also a mutant, entered the diner and approached me. 
I ordered a cup of coffee and some pancakes.
"Thanks, can I get the same for my brother AL, who will be here soon?" I asked the waitress. 
She nodded and went outside.
While I waited for my order, I noticed the plate of pancakes and the glass of orange juice that was sitting on the counter. Suddenly, I felt the urge to vomit.
I vomited onto the floor and ate the pancakes as they were still very hot. 
A man wearing a gas mask and a white suit then entered the diner. 
"Oh hello AL, now you can fix the window!" I said, greeting him upon his arrival.
AL then began to work on the window, when a small furry creature suddenly leaped through the window and bit his left arm.
"AARGH!" He screamed, waking me up.
"E" I said. 
The man looked at me. Smoke began to come out of the gas mask.
"Where are the others?" He aske in a monotone voice.
"I ate them." I responded. 
"Dead?" 
"No, they are still kickin'. Hey AL, my brother who is fixing the window, remember when we built that treehouse?" 
AL nodded and the man unchained me. 
"Lead the way."
I took the chain off my neck and lead the mutant dog outside.
The mutant dog followed me as I entered the treehouse.
Gears stood up as the mutant dog approached him. He licked his hand as if begging for a treat. 
Gears looked at me and my chain before patting the dog on the head.
"AL, do you sometimes go by the name Gears?" I asked.
Al nodded and said: "We used to work in a factory getting metal parts for-"
Before he could finish his sentence, the dog jumped onto my chain and devoured AL.
"Easy come, easy go..." I said.
I got on my knees and pet the dog.
"Good dog!" I said.
"Let's see if we can get out of this..."
I then walked over to the diner and noticed the waitress pulling up outside.
I quickly sprinted outside and climbed through the broken window.
I then stepped to the side of the car to let the waitress park the car.
The waitress turned off the engine and stepped out of the car.
"Was your friend of the dog?" The waitress asked.
"The dog ate my friend if that's what you're asking." I responded.
"We don't serve humans here."
I looked at the waitress confused. "Oh?"
"You need to clean the floor or get a new waiter if you want your food served with a side of sarcasm."
"I didn't shit on the floor, that was AL, who is now dead!" I said, trying to cover up the evidence that I shit on the floor.
She looked at me with pity. 
"Are you new here or something?" She said. "You will have to get used to the smell or get out of the diner before..."
"Before what?" I asked.
"Before you piss me off too much, I'll tell you later."
The waitress turned to go back into the diner.
"Before I punch you in the face, that is."
The waitress turned around and I punched her in the face, knocking her to the ground. She looked up at me with anger.
"Is she dead?" a small voice said.
I then turned around and saw that the small voice belonged to a large version of Stuart Little.
"He's a mutant!" I said. "It's what they do!"
"I'm not a mutant!"
"Yes you are!" I replied. 
"No I'm not!"
"You just wet yourself."
I then stood up and searched the ground for rodent droppings.
"If you must know sir, I am Stuart Little, the mouse mutant."
"I knew it!" I said. "I loved you in Stuart Little 2, The Search For Stuart Little"
"You loved me in Stuart Little 2?"
"He's joking sir"
I took the joke less well then Stuart Little did, jumping up and kicking me in the face.
The joke was too much for him to handle. I kicked him in the face and he's killed instantly.
"I've never eaten a man before..." I thought as I bit into Stuart Little's flesh.
The flesh tasted like chicken. It was not the best meal I've ever had, but it was not bad.
My stomach felt weird after eating Stuart Little.
I then woke up and found myself back in my room. It was now night time and my stomach was wrapped in bandages.
Suddenly, Stuart Little began clawing at my stomach from the inside, trying to find an escape.
I panicked and ran outside as fast as I could with Stuart Little trying to escape inside me. 
I found an old, dirty shack, ran inside and collapsed onto the floor.
"HELP!"
Suddenly, a talking box of rat poison emerged from the shadows. 
He said: "I've been waiting for you, AL sent me."
"You're a spy!"
"No, I'm not a spy. I work for Mr. Mol. He wants you dead, do you want me to kill him?"
"What's the difference?"
"The difference is, if you kill him, Mol will bring Stuart Little back from the dead. Right now the only thing stopping him from world domination is my stomach lining!"
"Your stomach?"
Stuart Little then finally ripped apart my stomach, emerging even bigger than before, sporting some Nike Airs and a yee yee ass haircut that matches his 6 pack abs.
The mutant mentioning Nike Airs and teeth.
"I'm so out of here!" He said, grabbing me by the shirt collar and shoving me out the door.
The rat poison was then killed and eaten by Stuart Little's parents hours later.
Stuart Little's parents then die, saying: "Now he's a zombie with a mohawk and a talking rat, I'm dead."
I then danced to Orange Justice as Stuart Little's parents were dead and he is my enemy.
I then realized that I now had a small step towards world domination. 
I decided that the best way to get back at Stuart Little was to go see his parents.
I took a deep breath and knocked on the door.
Stuart Little opened the door, a handkerchief rubbing his eyes. 
"Thank you so much for coming." He said as he motioned to the 2 coffins in the living room. "They won't let me take him back in my room..."
I nodded solemnly: "He's a bad person."
"I wish he wasn't..." He said sadly, a tear running down his cheek.
Stuart Little then began to sing Happy Birthday as in his culture, that is what you sing at funerals. 
"Sorry, I can't sing." I said.
Stuart Little and his parents died. 
I ruled the world. 
Mol then found his last wish coming true fun, he gave me a key to the wine cellar and told me to have fun.
I opened the cellar, revealing a moonshine shack.
I found the shack empty, I headed back to the mansion to see if anyone was there, but the mansion was empty, all the servants have vanished.
"Maybe they're the ones giving Stuart Little moonshine..."
Stuart Little was a renowned moonshine peddler out west, but he hasn't been heard of in minutes. His name sent shivers down my spine.
"I hope his family finds out what happened, I'll have to give a speech about it..."
I ate my last rat and then set the world on fire.
"Bye world!"
The world then burnt to ash.
Fade out to black to that cool Fallout 3 song, the fire one. 
THE END?
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:DIALOGUE!
Category:Bad Fanfiction
Category:Pointless Violence
Category:WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT
Category:Memes