Shrek vs all the armies of the world

>I am 20 years old
>My friend is at my house
>We are playing Call Of Duty
>I tell him "I'll be right back, I just need to do my prayer to Shrek."
>"Why the fuck do you worship a stupid retarded green ogre?" He says
>"Fucking moron."
>I turn to him, and I feel very intimidated
>"Shrek," I call out
>"I need your help."
>He laughs and kicks me in the balls
>"I'm going home, you fucking weird cunt."
>He heads towards the door
>He finds that the door is locked
>He tries to leave but can't
>The smell of onions fills the room
>Police called by neighbours because of the smell of onions, Smash Mouth's All Star playing at 100000000000 decibels and a loud thumping can be heard
>Armed SWAT teams surround my house, thinking it was gunshots
>I knew better
>Suddenly, Shrek CRASHES through the ceiling
>My friend is petrified
>"I'M SORRY SHREK, I'M SORRY I'M SORRY!"
>"It's too late for that, laddeh" he bellows
>SWAT teams kick down my door, and see Shrek ripping out my friend's brains
>They open fire on Shrek with M4 carbines as Shrek begins skullfucking my friend, letting out a mighty ogre roar
>Blood everywhere
>Guns are no use, the bullets ricochet off Shrek's green skin and kills them all
>Shrek turns to me, and says "It'll all be ogre soon, laddie."
>"I'll protect you, laddeh."
>He then summons the Shrek army
>Fiona, Puss in Boots, Donkey and the dragon all appear in my room, and smile at me
>Mfw tears of utter joy
>Shrek says 'There's no time to waste"
>We walk out of the front door, and see choppers, tanks, infantry and heavy machine guns, ready to take down Shrek and his army, and me
>Puss in Boots pulls out a sword and begins to dash everywhere, beheading soldiers with blood everywhere, and then fucking their anuses
>Donkey charges at a tank, head first, and destroys it upon impact, causing a chain reaction of exploding tanks
>Bones and muscle tissues raining everywhere
>Fiona then goes to another platoon of soldiers and exposes her gorgeous onion tits to them, distracting them
>When they are distracted, she pulls out dual wield submachine guns and shoots them all
>I begin to provide the crew with cover fire, mowing down officers with machine guns, and firing onionade launchers at armoured cars and tanks
>The dragon begins breathing fire everywhere, leaving hundreds of soldiers and SWAT teams burning on the ground, on fire, screaming in pain
>Shrek throws two onionades at the remaining tanks, sending the drivers flying out of them and destroying the tanks
>He then fires an onionzooka at the choppers, instantly shreking them all
>He then begins buttfucking the dead bodies with his ogresized shaft as donkey shoves his erect penis in their mouths
>Puss in Boots turns to me and throws to me an Intervention FMJ sniper, and a Puss Sword
>I'm so happy, and I am ready to die for Shrek
>Suddenly, I feel a burning pain in my chest
>I clutch my chest and feel warm blood pouring out
>I realize I've been 360 noscoped, and I collapse to the floor, losing conscience
>Fiona sees me, and onion juices leak from her pussy to my mouth, reviving me and making me stronger than before
>Shrek is infuriated
>"NOBODEH MESSES WIV MAY'EH LADDEH!"
>He charges towards the snipers, and picks them all up on his cock
>He begins fucking all 10 of them at the same time, making a shish kebab on his cock
>He then throws them to China
>"That's all for now, laddehs and lassehs", Shrek says
>Donkey says "We all look kinda tired, brb making waffles with onions"
>I get so excited
>Waffles and onions are my favourite food
>We eat waffles and onions, I am invigorated with Shrek's soul
>Suddenly, a hyper realistic Obama appears
>"Drop the nuke" he says
>Suddenly, a siren is heard
>Shrek charges towards me, lodging his shaft into my mouth, filling me with onions and restoring my layers
>Meanwhile, Donkey, Fiona and Puss in Boots brutally murder and give shrekx to Obama, leaving a bloody mess
>Shrek whispers in my ear "Your layers have been restored, laddeh. We'll make it through this, laddeh."
>The nuke drops
>I see a bright light, and I feel my layers being torn through
>My last vision is seeing the Shrek army, seemingly unharmed by the nuclear bomb
>"Shrek is love, Shrek is life", my final words are
>I pass away on the spot
>I wake up, and see Shrek
>"You're in the swamp now, laddeh."
>I say to him "Did I really die?"
>He replies "Yes laddeh. Your body died but your layers live on, in heaven, with me."
>I look around, and I am in Shrek's swamp
>I cry tears of joy, so many tears that a puddle forms beneath my feet
>Shrek says to me "The Shrek army survived the drek bomb. The drek army were eliminated. I took over America, and look at what we made America-"
>He shows me a vision of the entire USA, now swampified since the battle
>"I have to rule America, now, laddeh. I will restore yer layers, laddeh, before I go back to the drek world. I'll be watching over yer, laddeh."
>He then lodges his ogresized eshreksion into my mouth, filling me with holy onion love
>Shrek then kisses me goodnight and leaves
>"Oh, and in the morning, Donkeh's makin' waffles, laddeh!"
>I feel so happy and content
>I drift off to the most peaceful sleep ever, with my layers restored
>I wake up, and eat waffles and onions with Donkeh, Puss, Fiona, Shrek's babies and the Dragon
>I spend eternity in the beautiful swamp, living my dream with Shrek and friends, and having the best shrekx of my life
>Shrek is Love, Shrek is life
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Shrek
Category:Hyper-realistic
Category:WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT
Category:Well, that was pointless.