Adolf Eichmann

Adolf Eichmann was just a regular Joe, doin' his job. That job might've been the deportation and extermination of the Jews, Gypsies, gays and other minorities in the Holocaust, but you gotta do what you gotta do. Everybody's gotta earn his pay some way, if the man hasn't taken his right to do so yet, like he did to the Jews, but it is what it is.
== Early life and education ==
Everything Adolf learned, he learned in Kindergarten. Most importantly he learned the Golden Rule: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." And he took that Golden Rule to heart, he did, and he applied it to the best of his ability. He may have had to cut some corners here and there, but you gotta do what you gotta do and everybody's gotta make a livin', even if it's by killin'. It is what it is, you know.
== Early career ==
So Adolf, he joined the Schutzstaffel, a group of regular Joes within the Nazi Party, who were tryin' to make Germany great again. You see, Germany had been weakened by the Bolshevists and the Jews, a bunch of foreign immigrants who were takin' the jobs of regular working Joes like you and me. So the Nazis, they wanted to take their country back, send the foreigners back where they belonged and make room for real Germans. And Adolf, he liked that message, you see. It is what it is, after all. It may not resonate with the pinkos and the bleeding-hearts who watch too much liberal news, but Adolf was just a hard-working guy, trying to make his country great again.
At first the people didn't believe the Nazis, thought maybe they were just tryin' to pull the wool over their eyes, but then some dirty Bolshevists, they burned the Reichstag, and the Nazis were like, "We told you so." Well I'll tell you, the German people woke up after that. There was no going back to the pre-burning world. So they gave Chancellor Hitler, who was Adolf Eichmann's boss, emergency powers, because freedom isn't free, you know. It's hard to have a free society when Bolshevists and Jews have freedoms, too, because normal people like you and me end up suffering. And that was the whole idea, get rid of the people who were abusing their freedom, and make a new society that is free from them. Freedom isn't free, it takes a lot of blood, sweat and tears to make a perfect society.
== Second World War ==
Well, so then Germany went and set to the work of making itself great again, and Adolf Eichmann was really important to all this. And so when he was told to do his job, he always thought about that Golden Rule, and figured a society's gotta have laws, and nothing upset him more than the fact that no-good, low-life criminals went and broke the law. You know, like when some asshole cut in front of him when he'd had the right of way, ain't nothin' grinded Adolf's gears more than that. So he figured he'd follow the law, obey Hitler and do what he had to do, because you gotta do what you gotta do, you know, and anyone who says otherwise is a scumbag, that's the truth.
So Adolf Eichmann, he went to work every day, he punched his card, he crunched his numbers, he pushed his papers, he obeyed the law, he dotted his I's, he crossed his T's, and eleven million people died, but it is what it is. You can't fault a man for goin' to work and doin' his job. You gotta do what you gotta do, after all. It is what it is.
== After World War II ==
But you see, when Germany lost the war, some people were pretty mad and they didn't understand, and so Eichmann had to run off to Argentina, where he kept workin' a good old government job for a while, then found himself an even nicer job at a German auto company. I mean you'd think he would've chosen something different, but I guess it just goes to show you, it is what it is. Auto companies are pretty nice places to work, all things considered, and you gotta do what you gotta do to get ahead in life. But that was when his luck ran out. The Mossad, a bunch of Jews trying to make their civilization great again, captured him. Then they tried him, and then they hanged him.
His last words were, "I die believing in God." And God is good, you gotta admit, so you gotta trust a guy like that. May he Rest In Peace, and don't anyone say otherwise, because you don't speak ill of the dead, that's just a fact. Ain't nothin' worse than someone who don't mind their manners, except maybe genocide, but it is what it is. The guy worked hard his whole life, then he died, so show him some respect, just like he would have done for you. You gotta do what you gotta do.
Category:Articles about a person written in the style of that person
Category:Nazis