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Category:Uncyclopedia
Sorry excuse

Sadly, in our modern world there are many sorry excuses. You may have been looking for one of the following to allow yourself to eat more cat intestines and dog bile.
*Color Me Badd (for a band)
*Bill Clinton (for a president and human being)
*Paris Hilton (for a woman)
*Full House (for a TV Show)
*Stephenie Meyer (for a writer)
==But if these excuses aren't working for you look at the following:==
*Grue
*Ultra God
*J.K. Rowling
Soul music

Soul music is a mystical, supernatural genre of soft music that awakens the soul of many. It is widely considered to be one of the most mysterious musical genres of all time, being pioneered by African-Americans who wanted to transcend life and look into their religious past.
There are three components of soul music: the instumentation, the spirit, and the energy. All three of these elements are essential to summoning the spirit of soul.
==Components==
Unlike most popular music genres, or even music in general, soul music is supernatural. It brings one Closer to God. However, in order for this to work, all three of the components must be present.
===Instrumentation===
----
Drums, a funky bassline, electric pianos, organs, and synthesizers, horns, and an air guitar. The air guitar, however, only works if all the other components of soul are satisfied.
===The Spirit===
----
As a supernatural music genre, soul music can help to bring God into one's life. When soul music is played well, it can become a tantalizing experience to listen to. When it is done badly, alas, it causes some truly intolerable musicians ever.
===Energy===
----
Although soul is light, that doesn't mean it can't be energetic. In order to truly feel God's presence and to make your air guitar work, you need to be happy for this to happen. A common misconception about soul is that it is sexy music. That would actually be funk, a sort of secular offshoot of soul. Soul can be relaxing or danceable. It cannot, however, be sexy or hard. Sexy music is too promiscuous, and we have hard rock for the extremer energies of music.
==History==
Not much is known about the history of soul. It is so mystical that no one knows who invented it. Historians do know, however, that Marvin Gaye made a great deal of romantic and sexual appeal in soul music in the 1960s. In addition, Motown was a great patron of soul singers.
After this wave of popularity, soul as a rock music genre took off when dorky rock bands like Steely Dan, The Doobie Brothers, Wallace and Gromit, and Hall & Oates stole the music from black people and made it into a genre that sounded like rejected Sonic the Hedgehog tracks for a Sega Genesis.
Michael Jackson would later adopt this music genre and make it even more synthesizer-driven than the '70s wave.
==Other facts==
*Gingers are widely percieved to not have souls. This would be true if not for the fact that 10 out of 10 redheads will become soul singers.
*If you do not listen to soul once in your life, you have none.
**And I mean actual soul, not terrible soul.
*Funk and soul are not to be confused!
Category:music genres
Category:Religion
Category:Sacred Relics That Should Be Conserved At All Costs
eo:Soulo
South Australian government

Adelaide is ruled by the South Australian government which was elected on the basis of local celebrity standing and how many interesting skills each candidate had. The current parliament has been sitting since March 19 2006, and features some highly unpopular South Australians, plus a few hotties. The parliament resides inside Parliament house and members are only allowed out to use the toilet during full moons. The theme song for the government is 'Shiny-Happy-People by the B-52s!
The Parliament has long been seen as irrelevant to South Australian since the state was abandoned by almost all of its residents after the Drop Bear attacks, however the MP's still believe that their goal of rebuilding the state using slave labour will bring residents back, as soon as the new Woolworths store opens at North Adelaide.
In 2005, it was decided that the Premier of South Australia should be decided during a battle royal where 2 opposing MP's are placed insde the Thunderdome, with only 1 surviving.
in 2006, the Members of parliament each Starred in the motion picture 'Love Possibly' which was written by all round mildly funny English man Richard Curtis.
Currently, the South Australian government consists of member of The South Australian Jedi Party, whose motto "The Power is Yours!" appears on the state coat of arms.
The Flower Power Party forms the opposition, with minor parties including The Gay Pride Party, the Christian and Jewish alliance and Sluts United party.
===Division of Seats===
Currently, The Jedi Party hold a supreme government, that is they have more seats than all other parties combined. This was because prior to the last election, the premier got his nipple pierced on national television, providing the people of the state promised to vote for his party.
The Division of seats in the south Australian parliament is as follows, with each party holding the following seats.
Loonies: 3
The Very Silly Party (British expatriots): 17
Jedi Party: None. However, Jedi mind tricks make us think they have 15,389
Sensible Party: 1.2
Grues: 9
Kangaroos: 1If they could vote legally, they'd have more
His most High Honorable Sir Nelson-Grathsmick the Third, of Shroptington Hall, Esquire: 2
Vegemite: 3
Rincewind: 7
Some Guy who wandered in by accident: 5
Ozzys: 5
Stumpy the Dwarf: 2
===Election '07===
South Australian Election 2007 is a television special to be produced by Channel 7. Hosted by Grant Denyer, it will see each candidate perform live in the studio for viewers to vote for via SMS. Whoever receives the most votes will win their seat and be instated in the parliament. Which ever team has the most members will become government, but because South Australian's generally don't like changing anything, the government is expected to be returned.
Category:Politics of Australia
Southern Hemisphere

The Southern Hemisphere is precise; explicit and clearly defined; known for certain to be the definite article—situated in or oriented toward the south and or situated in or coming from regions of the south in which regards to one of two parts identical or equivalent to of a divisible whole of the celestial body that revolves around the typical star that is the source of light and heat for the planets in the solar system, the planet we call the 3rd planet from the sun; the planet on which we live, more of the same, etcetera, continuing in the same way. Q.E.D.
==Continents and countries on Earth's Southern Hemisphere==
Continents in the southern hemisphere:
*South Australia
*South America
*South Africa
*Antarctica
===Countries wholly or mostly in the southern hemisphere that are in Africa:===
*Angola
*Burundi
*Gabon
*Albania
*Lesotho
*Malawi
*Indonesia
===Countries wholly or mostly in the southern hemisphere that are in Asia:===
*Indonesia
*Sri Lanka
*Philippines
*Albania
*Maldives
*Singapore
*Seychelles
===Countries wholly or mostly in the southern hemisphere that are in Australasia and Oceania:===
*Australia
*Bolivia
*Fiji
*Nauru
*New Zealand
*Papua New Guinea
*Albania
*Samoa
===Countries wholly or mostly in the southern hemisphere that are in South America:===
*Brazil
*Bulimia
*Ecuador
*Paraguay
*Peru
*Albania
*Uruguay
*Tonga
*Tasmania
===Countries wholly or mostly in the southern hemisphere that are in North America:===
*Chile
*Albania
*Easter Island
*Madagascar
*Texas
===Countries wholly or mostly in the southern hemisphere that are in Europe:===
*Argentina
*Cook Islands
*Falkland Islands
*Albania
*Welsh Congo
*Swaziland
===Countries wholly or mostly in the southern hemisphere that are in Antarctica:===
*Niue
*Rwanda
*Tanzania
*Zambia
*Zimbabwe
*Albania
Category:Hemispheres
Southern People

thumb|right|275px|A man proud of his heritage and service. 
Southern women are known for their good cooking, good looks, and generosity. Any man should consider himself lucky to catch a southern woman.
The South, statistically, has the worst education numbers, worst development and infrastructure, the majority of the nation's poverty and the highest mortality rates (people have poorer health, obesity and die earlier)... which brings me to the point of Darwinism: weaker of the species die earlier. There is nothing exceptional nor contributory per GDP and GNP about any southern state... just racism, stupidity, bad health, bad hygiene, poorly educated, low iq, low income morons.
Most southerners actually believe in an invisible man in the sky and that the military "protects our freedom." His name is The Colonel. They take an ancient text way too seriously but find loopholes in the "thou shalt not kill" part of it and don't see any contradiction there. They complain about "big govmint" and then proudly sacrifice their lives to the military, which globally protects the wealth of rich northerners. This is what thinkin' people find most confusing about the South. AT&T is now SBC. 
The United States Government along with the US Army whipped these hillbillies back into submission when they thought they could start their own nation... they didn't anticipate a stronger, wealthier North that sliced through them like a hot knife through weak, lazy, cowardly butter.
== Life after the Civil War ==
Southern people are very patriotic and still believe the south shall rise again.
==Southern Woman==
The South is a very practical part of the US, Southern womenfolks tend to be the hottest thing God ever put on two legs, and gee, ain't they PUUUURTY?
Purrty fat?
== How to greet people in the South ==
It's quite simple really, just say hello and a good ole fashioned handshake just like yer daddy taught ya. Unlike the uncivilized North, with their pansified yankees with the delusions of superiority, they are the real part of the country that is doused in the failsauce. South=Elvis and most American music in general, North=Gay or something like it!
== Language ==
It is belived and accepted by most that peeple not from the south that southerners have thier own language. See below for examples.
"GIDDOF MAH LAYND Y'DAMN VARMINT!"
"Please remove youself from my property, govenment employee."
"YOU BEST NAWT BE WUN A THEM BLACK PEEPLEZ!"
"I certainly hope that you are not of the African-American community."
"GET ME MAH SHOOTY-GUN MARTHA!"
"Martha, would you please kindly hand me my hand-automated weapon?"
"GET ME SUM A DAT EATIN SHIT, WOMIN!"
"Excuse me my dear wife, but may I please have some food?"
"THIS BE FER SCREWIN UP MAH PLANTS!"
"This action was caused by you tampering with my garden."
"THEES HEER'S YER NEW WIFE BOI!"
"This is your sister"
"JEFF GORDON'S ONE A DEM QUEER-O-SEXUALS!"
"Jeff Gordon is an eloquent speaker, yet still talented at making left turns for three hours."
== See also ==
*The South
*Hypocrites
*Insane Clown Posse
== Footnotes ==
Category:American culture
Soviet Integration (Mathematics)

frame|How to perform the Soviet Integration of a curve c.
In Soviet Mathematics, Soviet Integration is the equivalent of the traitorous Western notion of integration.
In Mathematics, integration is used to calculate the area under a given curve.
In glorious contrast, Soviet Integration calculates the area under a curve, then uses all that area to build factories, homes and other infrastructure, increasing productivity to the glory of the nation-state of Soviet Russia.
==Origin==
Soviet Integration was conceived by Josef Stalin in 1926 as part of the Soviet Mathematics founded by Vladimir Steklov (see also Soviet Union (Mathematics)). Though not trained as a mathematician, Josef requisitioned a degree in Mathematics from Moscow State University, and thus was prepared to take on the phenomenal task of rewriting the mathematics textbooks.
==Consistency==
It can be shown that Soviet Integration fits seamlessly with the formalisms introduced by Steklov in his Soviet Union. For instance, we would expect the integration under the unions of two curves to be equal to the sum of the integrations under each curve separately, and this works in Soviet Mathematics as follows:
Take two curves, and suppose the sets of points underneath them are labelled A and B.
# The Soviet Union of A and B takes all points and gives them to Soviet Russia. Doing a Soviet Integration over the result means that Soviet Russia builds infrastructure on both sets.
# If we do the Soviet Integration first, Soviet Russia builds on the area first. It makes no difference that the area has not already been given to Soviet Russia, since communism declares that all land is the property of the state. Hence the result is the same as in (1).
There is a subtle point here that is not obvious, however. How do we know that the same things will be built on the land in the same places even if the sets are given to Soviet Russia separately? Thankfully Soviet Russia's building policy answers this, since infrastructure is evenly spread to ensure all people have access to exactly the same amenities. Is not Mother Russia a wonderful and prosperous place to live?
==See also==
*Soviet Union
*Soviet Union (Mathematics)
Soviet Madlads

The Soviet Madlad Division, often referred to as Soviet Madlads or simply the Madlads was a regiment of fast-food chains established by the Soviet Union in 1947 as a covert-ops division of the Red Army whose sole purpose was to put their absolute raw skills—and raw meats—to good use. It worked for a time, I think.
For most of its history, it was shrouded in mystery due to fast food franchise at the time not revealing their secrets. This precedent was broken by a leak of the Krabby Patty secret formula by students at Squidward Community College in 2013, ultimately leading to the existence of the Madlads to be known to the public.
==History==
Following the totally-justified retaking of the Baltic states, the Soviet Union established the first of its "fast-food chains" in Tallinn, Estonian SFSR around the end of 1945. This was an attempt to combat the West's growing influence in the European fast food market, which the Soviets thought should be full of actual, quality sustenance rather than mass-produced plastic from an equally-plastic restaurant. Nazi Burger, which had been all the rage up to this point, had largely fallen on hard times, allowing the Madlads to funnel federal funding and to establish more secure money laundering locations.
By 1949, the Madlads were in deep grease, as their franchise had gained a new rival on the bloc; the rival Wu-Tang Chicken, or WTC. Wanting to protect their territory, the Madlads sent over "health inspectors" to "close down" the restaurant. This was super effective, and by 1950 McCommie was in full monopoly of all fast food in Eastern Europe. However, the big meanies in the Kremlin didn't like the idea of a Soviet clandestine military regiment parading around as a capitalist diabetes hub, and so they were quick to shut it down in 1951.
Sad that they weren't able to sell actually good food to American spies all over the USSR, the Madlads decided to finally go through with what their entire purpose was: military. When looking through old WWII loot piles, some of the soldiers found Roman sex ships recovered from an Italian dig site. How they ended up in a warehouse in Sochi is beyond me, but it's probably got nothing to do with cultural theft, right?
===The Disappointment===
The Madlads were infamous within the Soviet Red Army for being the sole cause of one of the most embarrassing let-downs in history. This occurred on October 27, 1962 when Senior Officer Vanadium Harkenpog, considered to be one of the greatest NOT-disappointments in history, prevented the launch of the then-unreleased Soviet video game Sovietetris; in doing so, Harborcob prevented a minor nuclear attack on Cuba, Spain, and an eventual escalation into full-on nuclear war—but that part isn't important.
===Decline===
Following the failure of the USSR to handle fractures of the state, the Soviet Madlads lost many of their holdings in the Eastern Bloc nations, notably experiencing numerous acts of arson on their businesses in Romania and Yugoslavia. By 1994, the Madlads closed their remaining restaurants in the Balkans due to the outbreak of the war.
== See also ==
* Sovietetris
* Vasily Arkhipov
* John Madlad
* Ivan Tunavich
Soviet Union (Mathematics)

In Soviet Mathematics, the Soviet Union of two sets is similar to the mathematical union of two sets.
In Mathematics, taking the union of sets A and B takes all the elements from both sets and gives a set C containing all the elements of both sets.
Taking the Soviet Union of two sets takes all the elements from both sets and gives them to the glorious nation-state of Soviet Russia.
In mathematical notation, the difference is clear:
Another, similar type of Soviet Mathematics is the Soviet Intersection.
In Mathematics, taking the intersection of set A and B gives you a set C containing only the elements that are in set A and B.
The Soviet Intersection however, takes a difference in ideologies and gives you a great bloody wall down the middle of the German capital. (Berlin Wall)
==Origins==
The Soviet Union was the first in the long line of mathematical tools invented specifically to serve communism. In 1925 when communism was still in its infancy and so inclined to make strange babbling noises, The Man of Steel realised that using mathematics from the western world could be seen as a dangerous espousement of western ideals. As a result, he commissioned the mathematician Vladimir Steklov (lit. transl. "Vladimir Lover of Steaks") to construct a new Mathematics based entirely on the principles of communism. Unfortunately Vladimir died of mad cow disease the following year, but not before he had paved the way for Soviet Mathematics by writing down the definitions shown above.
Another early theorist of Soviet Mathematics was the great Nikolai Ivanovich Lobachevsky. His main contribution was the improvement of the Soviet Mathematics curriculum of Moscow State University. By introducing the policy of stating that mathematical operations should be performed "For the glory of our Soviet Motherland!" (i.e.: "For the glory of Mother Russia, we will carry the two!"), efficiency was increased by 10,000% (2% in western mathematics). Unfortunately, much of Lobachevsky's work was discredited after it was discovered that he had plagarized his thesis paper from a colleague in Dnipropetrovsk. 
Work on Soviet Mathematics was continued by Stalin himself, and his concepts of Soviet Integration and Soviet Differentiation of Mother Russia from Western scum went on to form the cornerstone of his governing policy, until this cornerstone was nicked to rebuild Cuba. He also introduced the idea that variables could be airbrushed out of an equation, and their existence denied. However, when it was discovered that the letter x was not suceptible to the Siberian climate, this practice was curtailed.
== See Also ==
*Soviet Integration (Mathematics)
Sovietetris

Weapon X-62 is a highly volatile WMD created by the former Soviet Union. It was programmed, manufactured and developed under the guise of a video game known as Sovietetris, which is its codename in formal conversation.
The weapon has since never seen the light of day, as its only opportunity for use was quickly stolen away by a guy who thought he was just too cool to be starting nuclear war.
==The Weapon==
Sovietetris's danger comes in its volatility, where, at any point, one could be instantly redirected on their computer to the latest Twitter post about some niche opinion nobody asked for. Luckily during the time of the game's development and use, computers weren't invented yet, or so the Germans would have us believe. The primary function of the game, however, was an early attempt by the Soviets to slowly melt away all capitalist ideals of the American youth, gradually making them question their economic system, and possibly starting another American Civil War.
This ultimately never occurred, as the baby boomer generation grew up to hate communism in all its forms for absolutely no reason other than trivial cultural differences.
==Gameplay==
In the game, you play as a shapeless god who loves nothing more than to clear entire sections of tiles en masse. To satiate this ravenous urge, your goal is to make a lot of money clearing tiles, which will be compared to others in your field. Once you reach a point of total monopoly, you win the game, although your celebration will be short-lived following your immediate demise at the hands of the game, which self-destructs in front of your face.
I'm not entirely sure what these Soviet game developers were thinking; they obviously wanted to create a masterpiece game that taught the children of the West about the great benefits and superior nature of communism which would eventually spiral into an uprising. But at the same time, their engineering of the unique self-destruct feature seems to conflict with this idea of conversion. But hey, that's just a statistic.
==Reception==
From within the Soviet Union--specifically the Kremlin--there was general unease, as the game's designer, Anony Mousnullovich, wheeled in an entire truck full of game cartridges. Pinning it as an assassination attempt, Khrushchev had Mousnullovich "dealt with," sending him to a "software training camp" in Siberia.
With those outside the government, such as the military, they had virtually no idea how the game was even played. Such is the case with the converted submarine B-59. The submarine was crucial for its involvement in The Disappointment of October 1962. Its crew, comprised of members of the Soviet Madlad Division, were responsible for the near-release of the game upon American ships off of Cuba and Spain.
category:Russiacategory:Weapons of Mass Destruction