Chris Brown

thumb|350px|Chris' reaction when Rihanna didn't want to get him a beer.
Christopher Maurice "Chris Breezy" Brown (born May 5, 1989), also known by his haters as "Crackhead MJ", is a terrible American R&B singer, songwriter, dancer, and actor. He is ALSO A WOMAN BEATER! He made his recording debut in late 2005 with the self-titled album Chris at the age of 16. The album featured the hit single "I Beat Dat Hoe Wit Her Umbrella!", which topped the Billboard Hot 100, making Brown the first male artist to have his debut single top the chart for domestic abuse since Ike Turner in 1975.
Despite being terrible and beating Rihanna, thus getting cancelled by white people media, he still appears in literally half of all RNB, hip hop, and now even Afro beats songs as a "featured artist", and he still gets all the chicks.
==Road To Stardom==
Chris -or "Whack Whack" as the ladies call him- has become famous by hitting women with an amazing rhythm, he can beat really fast or reaaaaallllly sloooowwww. He can beat you from wall to wall, and he can beat you forever (ever, ever, ever) 
thumb|350px|Despite what it may look like he is doing, Chris is actually stabbing the woman in the vagina with a retractable knife sticking out of his belt.
==Beating of Rihanna==
"She had it comin'" was Chris' testimony once the police caught him acting out his woman beating fetish in his Hollywood mansion. Apparently Chris asked Rihanna to give him a blow-job but she refused. This led to Chris' outrage and he slapped her across the face approximately 43 times for 12 total damage. Rihanna's Forehead suffered no injuries, due to Chris Brown having the physical strength equal to a 4 year-old girl. Rihanna kicked Chris in the balls with her Carribean "strong girl" strength and instead of falling to the ground in agony like a normal man would, he called her 'a stupid whore' and ran out of the room crying. The police then found him slitting his wrists in a local alleyway.
==Woman beating fetish?==
The Daily Mail wrote up a story that Chris Brown has a woman beating fetish and often watches Chris Benoit beating women and children; this has been denied by Brown's sisters, fans, and even my own sister and girlfriend who claim "he [Chris] is nothing more than a friendly guy who likes to beat the fuck out of women... but it's alright 'cause he kinda cute though. And he apologized for it." 
===Consequences===
None. He is rich, so will probably suffer little to no consequences for his actions. 
Nor did his album sales ever diminish even though he's essentially been cancelled by all white people media. Despite rich white men rightfully recognizing his taboo status, white girls and the black community don't care and still stream his shitty music. Even Lil Dicky wanted to be him and body-swapped with him at one point before Chris threatened Lil Dicky, but it was all cool, allegedly.
Since no one will give him consequences, I'll be the consequence and keep bugging the shit outta this woman beater.
SHUT UP BITCH! Shut your trap before I beat your ass again!
Hey, I have the Wikipedia account, you're too stupid to even know how to use it! And no, I'm pretty sure it's not the parody encyclopedia! Therefore whatever I say is always right, bitch! 
Oh, well, if you love that woman beater so much, why don't you marry to him and get your ass beat by him instead? And no, he's not a woman stealer, he just a woman beater!
Stupid whore. Why do all the girls still like this women beater? Everyone on Reddit says Chris Brown is still a woman beater, hasn't changed, and we should all destroy him and his stupid career and followers.
===Freedom===
Chris Brown was set free on Monday the 22nd of June after rigorously beating and bribing the Judge and anyone else who was there in the courtroom. He is now doing 180 days of hard NON-BEATING community service in Virginia, and is being forced to take Domestic non-beating therapy where he learns that NOT beating women is one of the facts of a nigga's life.
Chris Brown now also must stay away from Rihanna for biased fear of bashing is at an all time high for the NON-BEATING community in America. 
===Later life===
Chris Brown dealt with not being able to beat Rihanna by smoking weed with Wiz Khalifa, then doing molly, and acting a fool. Then by sneaking out with Rihanna again for five years after the beating incident.. wait she forgave him?? And they still friends?? RIHANNA IS NOT ALLOWED TO FORGIVE CHRIS BROWN! IS SHE REALLY THAT WEAK?! CHRIS IS A WOMAN BEATER!!
Brown also dated a tiny half-Asian chick named Karruche until she dumped him for cheating on her. He totally also beat her! No, I don't care that she practices like 50 martial arts and is 50 times stronger than that beanpole that Chris is. HE STILL BEAT HER!
He also beat and raped like 50 trillion girls and stole all my copyrights!! And I'm still standing by my stance on this as I personally filed all those lawsuits against him! I don't care that all of them were "proven false", that Chris won a $50 million judgment against me, and that the court served me an indefinite restraining order from him, saying that I was the sole cause of all his bipolar episodes from 2012 to 2018.
And may I remind all of you what a SHITTY person Chris Brown is? 
[content removed for spam]
Huh, this wiki just blocked my attempt to repost that copypasta with that totally verifiable and shocking police report that said Brown killed Rihanna and chopped her up into bits and that she somehow came back to life! Must be some black magic by the Illuminati or something that Rihanna has, but that's beyond the point-CHRIS BROWN IS A WAHMEN BEATER!
Oh hey honey, where you goin.. YOU LEAVIN ME?? Whaddya mean I gotta stop with my "hate boner" on Chris Brown? Whaddya mean Suge Knight, Bobby Brown, Dr. Dre, R. Kelly, Harvey Weinstein, Tory Lanez, Playboi Carti, XXXTentacion, Quavo, P. Diddy, and Drake have done equivalent or worse things than him, and that you agree all my claims aside from Rihanna have been "proven false"? Whaddya mean I've been beating you and mistreating you?? Whaddya mean I'm the bat fuck insane one?? Whaddya mean I'm jealous of Chris Brown's dancing and singing abilities?? What do you mean he's got a bigger schlong, better looks, and performs better than me in bed?? HE CAN'T DANCE OR SING!! CHRIS BROWN BEATS WOMEN!! THEREFORE HE'S THE WORST! HE'S WORSE THAN MEEE!!
== Music Career ==
Chris should not be allowed to make music anymore! He works with Justin Bieber sometimes, and not to mention, HE A WAHMAN BEATER!! But as my now ex-girlfriend used to say, making that shitty music is a good way to distract himself from beating other women. I got a better idea: why don't he just stop beating women and stop making music.. by dropping dead?
Not gonna lie, that mix of R&B and hip hop is kinda catchy though-I mean, WOMAN BEATER!
Hm, just got a TikTok notification from my now-ex girlfriend. She's making new music... WITH CHRIS BROWN?? AGHGHGGHGH!!!!
== Discography ==
=== Solo albums ===
* [Self-titled cookie cutter debut album] (2005)
* XXXClusive (2007)
* Vandalism (2009)
* I'm Sorry I Beat Up Rihanna (2011)
* I'm REALLY Sorry (2012)
* XXX (2014)
* My Daughter (2015)
* Full Hearts on a New Moon (2017)
* Purple (2019)
* Shit, I forgot to put an album out in three years so Im'ma wing it (2022)
* 11th Hour Beating (2023)
=== Collaborative albums ===
* Maan That Some Dope Weed, Let's Make an Album Together! (with Tyga, 2015)
* Crime 'n Beatings (with Young Thug, 2020)
=== Featured credits ===
* 
** At this point maybe Chris should consider being a point guard with all these assists. This ain't basketball, baby!
==See also==
*Jealousy
*What Chris Brown's publicist had to deal with during his "Bipolar crackhead" phase
Category:American musicians
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Category:People you should never leave your girlfriend alone with
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Category:Articles about a subject written in the style of haters of the subject
Category:People You Wish You Were
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