Geologic time scale

EON 	ERA 	(Old)Age 	Epoch 	Notable events:
MICROSOFTIC EON 	AOLOZOIC 	Idiotic age 	Uncyclopecene 	Computers evolve, and Al Gore invents the interwebs (aswell as everything else that isn't bolted down). Life as we know it becomes marginally bearable. Pornography diversifies into positively weird forms. Television goes extinct.
MICROSOFTIC EON 	AOLOZOIC 	Idiotic age 	Bloggocene 	Computers evolve, and Al Gore invents the interwebs (aswell as everything else that isn't bolted down). Life as we know it becomes marginally bearable. Pornography diversifies into positively weird forms. Television goes extinct.
MICROSOFTIC EON 	AOLOZOIC 	Stimulotic age 	Obscene 	Computers evolve, and Al Gore invents the interwebs (aswell as everything else that isn't bolted down). Life as we know it becomes marginally bearable. Pornography diversifies into positively weird forms. Television goes extinct.
MICROSOFTIC EON 	AOLOZOIC 	Stimulotic age 	Pornocene 	Computers evolve, and Al Gore invents the interwebs (aswell as everything else that isn't bolted down). Life as we know it becomes marginally bearable. Pornography diversifies into positively weird forms. Television goes extinct.
PRE-MODERN / POST-FLOOD EON	JESIIZOIC 	Information age 	HDTVcene 	Information appears out of thin air, and spreads rapidly. Edison invents everything that hasn't already been invented yet. Uncyclopedia rips off Bart Simpsons Guide to Life, Philosopholis Thompson is born.
PRE-MODERN / POST-FLOOD EON	JESIIZOIC 	Information age 	TVcene 	Information appears out of thin air, and spreads rapidly. Edison invents everything that hasn't already been invented yet. Uncyclopedia rips off Bart Simpsons Guide to Life, Philosopholis Thompson is born.
PRE-MODERN / POST-FLOOD EON	JESIIZOIC 	Information age 	Radiocene 	Information appears out of thin air, and spreads rapidly. Edison invents everything that hasn't already been invented yet. Uncyclopedia rips off Bart Simpsons Guide to Life, Philosopholis Thompson is born.
PRE-MODERN / POST-FLOOD EON	JESIIZOIC 	Information age 	Moviecene 	Information appears out of thin air, and spreads rapidly. Edison invents everything that hasn't already been invented yet. Uncyclopedia rips off Bart Simpsons Guide to Life, Philosopholis Thompson is born.
PRE-MODERN / POST-FLOOD EON	JESIIZOIC 	Information age 	Phonographocene 	Information appears out of thin air, and spreads rapidly. Edison invents everything that hasn't already been invented yet. Uncyclopedia rips off Bart Simpsons Guide to Life, Philosopholis Thompson is born.
PRE-MODERN / POST-FLOOD EON	JESIIZOIC 	Information age 	Photographocene 	Information appears out of thin air, and spreads rapidly. Edison invents everything that hasn't already been invented yet. Uncyclopedia rips off Bart Simpsons Guide to Life, Philosopholis Thompson is born.
PRE-MODERN / POST-FLOOD EON	JESIIZOIC 	Information age 	Protographocene 	Information appears out of thin air, and spreads rapidly. Edison invents everything that hasn't already been invented yet. Uncyclopedia rips off Bart Simpsons Guide to Life, Philosopholis Thompson is born.
PRE-MODERN / POST-FLOOD EON	JESIIZOIC 	Enlightened age 	Americacene 	Darwinism is invented, which leads to heliocentrism, independent thought, abiogenesis, immorality, and veneral diseases. Civilization collapses.
PRE-MODERN / POST-FLOOD EON	JESIIZOIC 	Enlightened age 	Coloniocene 	Darwinism is invented, which leads to heliocentrism, independent thought, abiogenesis, immorality, and veneral diseases. Civilization collapses.
PRE-MODERN / POST-FLOOD EON	JESIIZOIC 	Enlightened age 	Englishocene 	Darwinism is invented, which leads to heliocentrism, independent thought, abiogenesis, immorality, and veneral diseases. Civilization collapses.
PRE-MODERN / POST-FLOOD EON	JESIIZOIC 	Dark age 	Bubonicene 	Nothing important happens.=-) Other than a Spanish Inquisition, but then no one expected that and everyone tries hard to not remember it.
PRE-MODERN / POST-FLOOD EON	JESIIZOIC 	Dark age 	Barbaricene 	Nothing important happens.=-) Other than a Spanish Inquisition, but then no one expected that and everyone tries hard to not remember it.
PRE-MODERN / POST-FLOOD EON	JESIIZOIC 	Dark age 	Vandalicene 	Nothing important happens.=-) Other than a Spanish Inquisition, but then no one expected that and everyone tries hard to not remember it.
PRE-MODERN / POST-FLOOD EON	JESIIZOIC 	Ironic age 	Byzanticene 	Nothing important happens.=-) Other than a Spanish Inquisition, but then no one expected that and everyone tries hard to not remember it.
PRE-MODERN / POST-FLOOD EON	JESIIZOIC 	Ironic age 	Romanticene 	The first virgin evolves from non-virgin ancestors. John the Baptist invents bathing. His cousin, Jesus, invents wine and eternal damnation. Flesh eating zombies evolve and crawl out of local graveyards and pester everybody else.
PRE-MODERN / POST-FLOOD EON	GRECOZOIC 	Bronze age 	Bronze age 	Jason invents the Trojan horse, then goes on an odyssey. The Greeks discover philosophy, followed by Plato. Socrates invents the question mark. Near the end of the era, Rome invents the Empire.
PRE-MODERN / POST-FLOOD EON	GRECOZOIC 	Silver age 	Silver age 	Jason invents the Trojan horse, then goes on an odyssey. The Greeks discover philosophy, followed by Plato. Socrates invents the question mark. Near the end of the era, Rome invents the Empire.
PRE-MODERN / POST-FLOOD EON	GRECOZOIC 	Golden age 	Golden age 	Jason invents the Trojan horse, then goes on an odyssey. The Greeks discover philosophy, followed by Plato. Socrates invents the question mark. Near the end of the era, Rome invents the Empire.
PRE-MODERN / POST-FLOOD EON	BABYLONOZOIC 	BABYLONOZOIC 	BABYLONOZOIC 	Ziggurats appear in great numbers. King Nebuchadnezzar invents the Necco Wafer™. and the hexadecimal system.
PRE-MODERN / POST-FLOOD EON	JEWZOIC 	Mosiac age 	Koshercene 	Moses invents the Bible™. Frogs evolve from amphibious ancestors and eat Egypt. Massive geological disturbances stops Earth from spinning, kills firstborn babies, and makes axe heads float temporarily. Edible bread falls from the skies, choking local trade routes. The sun turns black as sackcloth, the moon turns to blood, and stars fall out of the sky. Primitive Jews invent pessimism.
PRE-MODERN / POST-FLOOD EON	JEWZOIC 	Mosiac age 	Nonkoshercene 	Moses invents the Bible™. Frogs evolve from amphibious ancestors and eat Egypt. Massive geological disturbances stops Earth from spinning, kills firstborn babies, and makes axe heads float temporarily. Edible bread falls from the skies, choking local trade routes. The sun turns black as sackcloth, the moon turns to blood, and stars fall out of the sky. Primitive Jews invent pessimism.
PRE-MODERN / POST-FLOOD EON	MESOPOZOIC 	MESOPOZOIC 	MESOPOZOIC 	Nimrod invents the brick, and begins construction of the Stairway to Heaven. Primitive Egyptians begin to walk funny.
PRE-FLOOD EON 	AQUAZOIC 	Dry age 	Dry age 	Icebergs recede. Entire fossil record up to this point becomes sorted, collated, and indexed as mud turns to rock overnight.
PRE-FLOOD EON 	AQUAZOIC 	Ice age 	Ice age 	Earth accidentally swaps places with Pluto for three months. Hell freezes over for the first time. Frigidaire® stocks plummet.
PRE-FLOOD EON 	AQUAZOIC 	Rain age 	Rain age 	A gigantic asteroid strikes the Earth, causing history's worst mass extinction ever. Trilobites, dinosaurs, wooly mammoths, neanderthals, classical music, the Bee Gees, and moral values are all wiped out forever. Arks and umbrellas become economically feasible.
PRE-FLOOD EON 	BIBLEGODOZOIC 	Happy hour 	Happy hour 	Alcohol is invented, followed by the cocktail weenie. Earth's entire population takes a well-deserved holiday to indulge in non-stop fornication. Aliens on other planets complain about the noise.
PRE-FLOOD EON 	BIBLEGODOZOIC 	Boner age 	Boner age 	Man discovers the penis, and wonders how that got there. The male orgasm is discovered three minutes later, followed by a brief nap. Primitive snakes lose the ability to talk.
PRE-FLOOD EON 	BIBLEGODOZOIC 	Nudie age 	Nudie age 	Man suddenly loses fur and invents nudism to compensate. God opens the world's first naturist resort, with complimentary fruit.
EVOLUTIONARY EON 	NEANDERTHALOZOIC 	Neolithic age 	Neolithic age 	Man evolves all by himself and disavows alleged primate ancestry as a filthy lie.
EVOLUTIONARY EON 	NEANDERTHALOZOIC 	Stoned age 	Stoned age 	Man evolves all by himself and disavows alleged primate ancestry as a filthy lie.
EVOLUTIONARY EON 	BIG HONKING GAPOZOIC 	Dwarf age 	Dwarf age 	Missing links abound. Earth acquires third moon. Sleestak awaken from their long slumber and feed on errant time travellers.
EVOLUTIONARY EON 	BIG HONKING GAPOZOIC 	Gnome age 	Gnome age 	Missing links abound. Earth acquires third moon. Sleestak awaken from their long slumber and feed on errant time travellers.
EVOLUTIONARY EON 	BIG HONKING GAPOZOIC 	Hobbit age 	Hobbit age 	Missing links abound. Earth acquires third moon. Sleestak awaken from their long slumber and feed on errant time travellers.
EVOLUTIONARY EON 	BIG HONKING GAPOZOIC 	Elven age 	Elven age 	Missing links abound. Earth acquires third moon. Sleestak awaken from their long slumber and feed on errant time travellers.
EVOLUTIONARY EON 	BIG HONKING GAPOZOIC 	Orc age 	Orc age 	Missing links abound. Earth acquires third moon. Sleestak awaken from their long slumber and feed on errant time travellers.
EVOLUTIONARY EON 	AUSTRALOPITHECOZOIC 	AUSTRALOPITHECOZOIC 	AUSTRALOPITHECOZOIC 	Missing links abound. Earth acquires third moon. Sleestak awaken from their long slumber and feed on errant time travellers.
EVOLUTIONARY EON 	MONKEYZOIC 	MONKEYZOIC 	MONKEYZOIC 	Primitive chimpanzees evolve from the mist, and invent bananas.
EVOLUTIONARY EON 	JURASSIC PARKOZOIC 	Pebbles age 	Pebbles age 	The first lawyers evolve. Barney the Dinosaur goes on a rampage and eats prehistoric Tokyo. The clam becomes legal tender for all purchases, public and private.
EVOLUTIONARY EON 	JURASSIC PARKOZOIC 	Flintstone age 	Flintstone age 	The first lawyers evolve. Barney the Dinosaur goes on a rampage and eats prehistoric Tokyo. The clam becomes legal tender for all purchases, public and private.
EVOLUTIONARY EON 	PETROLEOZOIC 	Opecian age 	Opecian age 	Billions of homeless kittens wiped out by massive masturbatory epidemic. Their decayed remains become the oil that lines our Alaskan coastlines and powers our industrial machinery.
EVOLUTIONARY EON 	PETROLEOZOIC 	Saudian age 	Saudian age 	Billions of homeless kittens wiped out by massive masturbatory epidemic. Their decayed remains become the oil that lines our Alaskan coastlines and powers our industrial machinery.
EVOLUTIONARY EON 	PETROLEOZOIC 	Texan age 	Texan age 	Billions of homeless kittens wiped out by massive masturbatory epidemic. Their decayed remains become the oil that lines our Alaskan coastlines and powers our industrial machinery.
EVOLUTIONARY EON 	CARBONCONIFEROUS 	Massachusettsian 	Massachusettsian 	Great beds of coal form from decompressed diamond deposits. Sea level rises of 3,000m. Polar bears become extinct. Most bird skeletons found chopped in half. Oklo No4 accident, Gabon evacuated.
EVOLUTIONARY EON 	CARBONCONIFEROUS 	Pennsylvanian 	Pennsylvanian 	Great beds of coal form from decompressed diamond deposits. Sea level rises of 3,000m. Polar bears become extinct. Most bird skeletons found chopped in half. Oklo No4 accident, Gabon evacuated.
EVOLUTIONARY EON 	CARBONCONIFEROUS 	Mississippian 	Mississippian 	Great beds of coal form from decompressed diamond deposits. Sea level rises of 3,000m. Polar bears become extinct. Most bird skeletons found chopped in half. Oklo No4 accident, Gabon evacuated.
EVOLUTIONARY EON 	PHISHOZOIC 	Cornwallian 	Cornwallian 	Fishes evolve and invent underwater sex. Primitive trilobites begin to taste like chicken.
EVOLUTIONARY EON 	PHISHOZOIC 	Devonian 	Devonian 	Fishes evolve and invent underwater sex. Primitive trilobites begin to taste like chicken.
EVOLUTIONARY EON 	PHISHOZOIC 	Cambrian 	Cambrian 	Fishes evolve and invent underwater sex. Primitive trilobites begin to taste like chicken.
EVOLUTIONARY EON 	PRIMORDIAL GOOGLEZOIC	PRIMORDIAL GOOGLEZOIC	PRIMORDIAL GOOGLEZOIC	Earth's surface cools sufficiently for ooziferous goo to congeal all over the place. The goo was stuff that was created after the big bang. Life invents and patents itself. Precambrian wood becomes plentiful.
EVOLUTIONARY EON 	BIGBANGOZOIC 	BIGBANGOZOIC 	BIGBANGOZOIC 	In the beginning there was nothing, with an exception of God. But who created God? Never mind, there was another God that decided to end another universe so he decided to sign an agreement for a fresh agreement. God hated being the dark so he decided to create light. The universe explodes, causing aliens from other universes to complain about the noise. Quarks appear in great numbers. Sedimentary rocks from this time period are rare because they have all long since been eaten by grues. Time is invented near the end of the era.
Category:Geology
pt:Escala de tempo geológico
pt:Nova proposta de escala de tempo geológico