AbracaMURDER

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=== Chapter 1 - Mad as Satin ===
I just got home from a vacation in Ireland, I'm too angry because Aer Lingus destroyed my bags, So, I'm not going on another vacation until I get a new suitcase. I was trying to find some interesting things on the TV, but nothing. Just, crap. I flicked through channels until I ended up on one, It was a ad for this magic show called "Magico Uterus" sounds like a fictional name that sounds bad. I looked into it and it looked like... Uh, shit? I decided to sign up because I want to express my stupidity. I was waiting days to cringe at shit, but the day finally came. I finally thought "SUCCESS!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!" I saw on the news that EVIL PATRIXXXX was going to be there. I laughed my fucking ass off, taking it as a joke. I called my friends, they said they we're going there. The people who live near us heard what we we're talking about, one family member stepped outside and said "EAT SHIT, BITCH!" then slamming the door. They arrived in their hot, and sexh Jaguar, I fell in love with it when I saw it, kissing the hood. I got in the car, put on my fucking seatbelt, and we drove there. We stopped to get some McDonalds, today was the special meal, the McSexh, So I got a burgir and some fries. We drove off without paying, I was sticking the middle finger up until we exited the drive thru line. I ate my fries and they we're hot as fuck. My mouth was burning, and a bucket of water was poured on my head. The Burgir tasted like your normal burger. It had a bunch of shit in it. (not poo, silly ass.) 
=== Chapter 2 - The Magic Show ===
We got there, the magician looks like he recently got bloodshot. I was wondering, please be a normal magic show.... I was hoping for the best. The magician pulled out EVIL PATRIXXXX then, he suddenly ate a pile of dog. I was creeped out from what I saw. Don't they only eat dogs in China? EVIL PATRIXXXX was farting a lot, I saw baked beans on the dog. My brain was just, not, computing. I got stressed that EVIL PATRIXXXX would mess up the show, I was right. He farted and farted, till he passed out. How do you pass out from farting? The magician grabs a knife, stabs PATRIXXXX, and takes out the dog. IT HAS BAKED BEANS IN IT, HE RIPPED OFF THE BELLY OF EVIL PATRIXXXX! I was like, EWWWWWWW. He started by grabbing one of my friends, making him eat the flesh of PATRIXXXX. I was shocked from what I saw, a bunch of people I didn't knew started to run. He stabbed, and stabbed, and stabbed them all. All my friends escaped suddenly. I didn't record what happened, the police won't think this is real. There's a next show coming soon, so I'll take the time to do that. McShaw, my friend who ate EVIL PATRIXXXX is in the hospital, I wish him the best.
=== Chapter 3 - Incident 2/Mr. Xi Jinping ===
EVIL PATRIXXXX is dead. I have been wondering, "Why the fuck did he just listen to him?" The magician said "No questions shall be asked at this time." He went into his dumb lazy overrated magician hat, and pulled out something. The lazy magician said "胡言乱语!", which roughly translates to "Abracadabra!" Winnie the Pooh, or Xi the Pooh, or whatever you'll call him, was pulled out. Winnie, or Xi was complaining about how good the social credit system was. I fucking had it with Xi. I went up, and GRABBED HIS HAT, and slammed it with a piece of ASS. 
=== Chapter 4 - INCLUDE EPIC EXPLOSION HERE ===
天上的太陽是紅色的
我們心中是太陽毛澤東
他帶領我們走向解放
群眾站起來做主人
呀呀呀呀呀呀呀呀呀呀呀
群眾站起來做主人
天上的太陽是紅色的
我們心中是太陽毛澤東
他帶領我們前進
革命國家是一片紅呀
呀呀呀呀呀呀呀呀呀呀呀
革命國家是一片紅
我們心中的紅日
為祖國的國界閃耀一片紅
十萬里歌聲洪亮
腳踩高地飄揚的紅旗
一千條河流......匯入大海
萬朵向日葵向陽開
延邊人沉迷歌唱
我們心中的紅日
哦......毛主席
我們無限期地愛你
您的教誨銘刻在我們心中
延邊人民祝福你
長壽無疆，長壽無疆
=== Chapter 5 - YOU- the end. ===
I came home from a day of weird shit; it was crazy. Since we we're in the East Coast, we had to stop at Wawa for gas. I got out of the car and I saw a man saying shit, here's what he said:
𝙾𝚑 𝚖𝚢 𝚕𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚢 𝚕𝚘𝚛𝚍! 𝙸𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚊- 𝓑𝓪𝓷𝓪𝓷𝓪 𝙲𝚊𝚗 𝙸 𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚊 𝚙𝚒𝚎𝚌𝚎, 𝚙 𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚑? 𝙾𝚑 𝚖𝚢 𝚐𝚊𝚑- 𝚖𝚊-𝚖𝚊-𝚖𝚊-𝚖𝚊-𝚖𝚊-𝚖𝚊-𝚖𝚊 𝙲𝚞𝚛𝚒𝚘𝚞𝚜 𝙶𝚎𝚘𝚛𝚐𝚎! 𝙼𝚒-𝚖𝚒-𝚖𝚒-𝚖𝚒
Later on, I got PTSD and the end.
or is it for him?
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:EVIL PATRIXXX
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:I CAN HAZ TRANSLATION?