The morning that I went to take a shit but it burned really bad and then unexplainable things happened

It was a regular Monday morning. I was hungover from drinking 5 litres of a paraplegic Tibetan hooker's fermented piss the previous night. I got up out of bed to go to the toilet for my morning dump.
However, the previous day, I had also went to have dinner at the Chipotle I used to work at, where 1 year ago to the day, I had witnessed a colleague get murdered by some fat bitch who vored him after he got her order wrong. Anyways, back to that Monday morning.
As soon as I pulled down my underwear, the most relentless stream of shit bursted out of my ass, and it was the worst post-Chipotle toilet experience I've ever had. So much blood and the most painful asshole burn you could imagine. The clap of my cheeks from this torrential downpour of excrement was bruising my asscrack.
Eventually, after 3 minutes of nonstop shitting, my cheeks were clapping so fast that I felt myself going through harmonic resonance. Suddenly, the shit stopped, and the pain subsided. I collapsed on the floor after I had filled the toilet.
I rolled over, and noticed that a SNES cartridge was floating above my toilet, with a SNES console to play it on. Upon further inspection, the cartridge was one of the game Sailor Moon's Futanari Adventures. The excitement of seeing such a childhood classic was enough to get me up off the floor and completely ignore the fact that I had a near-death shitting experience. I grabbed the console and the game and plugged it into my TV.
However, when I tried to press Start, the game told me to "flush your toilet you fucking donkey". I assumed that it was just a glitch, but it did remind me that I forgot to flush the toilet.
I went back to the bathroom, and noticed that the stench was not of shit. It's a hard smell to describe. And when I went to flush the toilet, I had looked in the bowl and noticed that the shit had disappeared without me flushing it.
When I looked back up, I saw on the deck of the toilet, there was a Luigi plushie with a boner. I wanted to have sex with it, but first I had to check the Broble, make sure that's okay. Thankfully, the Broble did say it was okay. So I proceeded to have my way with the plushie for around 14 minutes before it suddenly dissolved into dust.
Disappointed, I went back to the TV to play the Sailor Moon's Futanari Adventures game that had appeared over my toilet. This time, the game let me press Start. But oh do I wish I never pressed Start.
During the opening cutscene when Sailor Moon is going through her transformation sequence and grows her futa cock, something was different. The cock was actually a horse cock. It grew longer, and longer, and longer. When Sailor Moon finished transforming, she broke the fourth wall as she turned towards ME, and then massively enlarged her horse cock directly towards me, through the TV.
It first curled around my waist, before plunging itself inside me. It went all the way through me, and I was spitroasted. After what seemed like hours, she was finally done with me, and I passed out, going into a coma.
I'm currently typing this from the hospital three weeks later. So please, for the love of god, do NOT play a copy of Sailor Moon's Futanari Adventures that appears over your toilet.
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