My Son Is Trapped in a Toilet

It had been an eerily quiet night that night (last night), devoid of my sons baby shrieks throughout the night. Nevertheless though, I thought nothing of it, as he had just been through his first day of kindergarten, I'd be tired too! There's a lot of playing, eating, and sleeping at kindergarten, and teachers really squeeze creative talent out of you during drawing lessons, so of course my son was exhausted, I thought.
I woke up this morning happy as a whistle, my wife was gone, likely driving my son to kindergarten right now, and I slept through the entire thing and don't have to see my family for a little while! HELL. YES., I thought.
I had a quick shower, drank some water and whipped on my PC. You see, I like to play Paradox Grand Strategy Games (PGSG), such as Hearts of Iron 4 or Europa Universalis 4. However, my life would be ruined if my wife or son knew I was into them. Imagine how embarrassing that would be, my wife would spill my gaming secrets to the In-Laws, and my son would surely snicker about my hobbies with his friends in the playground.
God, the thought of being found out sends shivers down my spine. I loaded up Hearts of Iron 4, as I'd played EU4 the other day. It was a little daunting, as I was still learning HOI4 with only 4 hours in it. I only really had twenty minutes at most a day to play these games, so these 4 hours were earned through 12 hardcore gaming sessions.
The loading music had me dizzy with excitement, and once the main menu popped up, I was euphoric. I quickly chose my favourite country, that being Germany, and whipped out my dick.
My tummy rumbles.
I...
I need a shit.
How could I have forgotten to do my morning crap? My daily drop? My turbulent turd? I can't game when I need to take my morning poop. That was that. Today's gaming time was ruined.
I headed to the bathroom. We have two bathrooms, one upstairs, one downstairs, however the upstairs bathroom is cramped and dirty, so I, as usual, chose the downstairs bathroom for my log.
While on the loo, I found myself deriving ideas from my head to deal with the gaming dilemma. How was I to remove my family? How about buying a laptop, pretending to get a job, and just play PGSG's in my car? Not ideal, as a laptop able to run those games efficiently would be expensive, and I'd rather splurge the cash on my son.
My son... I faintly hear a giggle.
I think up another idea. Sending my wife off to have dinner with my older brother. He was two inches taller than me in both ways, and had his affairs further in order than myself. He'd started going to some new Turkish barber and they'd been giving him some really snazzy haircut. My wife is always gawking for Turkish men, maybe it's the haircut? She'd probably love to have dinner with my brother, so I could arrange that. Plus, it'd give me a good night and a half to game.
Who would take care of my son though?
I hear a giggle, louder this time. Had I been thinking out-loud? Oh god... who is giggling?
I look up, nothing. To my left, up at the window, nothing. Only cleaning products stood to my right. Oh goodness gracious me, I thought, where is this giggle goblin? I let out a monster fart out of stress, and then I immediately hear a cry of distress from under me.
Scared, I decided to move to the upstairs bathroom to finish the deed. I stand, and press down on the handle to flush. I hear a scream. A scream I know all too well, that of my son's. His hand instinctively lashed out from the inside of the toilet, and I grabbed it.
He was screaming in agony, I held on as much I could, but I felt my grip slipping as the flush of the toilet sucked him ever closer to the danger of the sewers.
I begged and screamed as I held onto my son for dear life. "Why aren't you at kindergarten?! Where is your mother?" His response is drowned out by the sound of himself drowning in toilet water.
Even as I pull on his arm with both hands, I can see him being pulled further and further into the toilet. His face is half way in the water now, soon his nose will be under the water, and he won't be able to breath.
I faintly hear him whimper. He cites something about how it hurts, how he's sorry, and he wants the toilet to stop pulling him down. I keep hold of my son with one hand, and with all my might TURN ON the tap to the sink.
My quick thinking evidently saved the day, as I could see the water receding as the tap ran its water. I stretched as hard as I could and managed to turn on the shower. The water slowly receded fully, but, like that clown thing from "IT", the water would likely re-emerge eventually.
That's my problem now. I don't know where my wife is, my son is firmly stuck quite deep in the toilet, and I can't get him out. He whines about how he feels a devilish hand grasping his leg deep down in the toilet, but that is probably just from lack of blood flow to the legs. It is, after all, very tight in there.
I'm going to try the plunger to get him out. If it doesn't work, does anyone else have any other ideas?
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Potty Humor
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep