It's not the Bermuda Triangle, it's the Bermuda Square. And the fourth corner... is my ass

Hello everybody, my name is Janey. I'm a young, sassy, American girl. I have two parents; my father, David, and my father's wife, Barbara. I like to eat apple pie and drink hot, black coffee. Or, should I say, I used to enjoy those things and I used to have those parents? Yes, I should use past tense, because something terrible has happened to my existence meaning I cannot do the things I once enjoyed or partake in reality I once realised.
This all started last week when my friend Jimmy discovered that the fourth corner of the Bermuda Square ended at a ley line that emanated from his anus.
"Janey," He said to me over the phone as we talked after school in the way we always did one day. "My parents just disappeared right in front of my ass. They were getting on the number 54 bus into town and it passed into the area delimitated by the four points of the Bermuda Square. They disappeared, screaming in horror, into that other place, that Hell."
"Oh, Jimmy that sounds awful." I replied. "Why don't you come over to my house and we can watch some movies or something to make you feel better?"
"Ok, Janey. Thank you."
When Jimmy arrived I could tell he was shook up. He had always been really fond of his parents and was also quite keen on busses.
"Jimmy, why don't you use the power of your anus to do good? You know, fight crime or something like that?" I asked in an attempt to make him feel better.
"No good can come from my anus." He replied. "This power isn't a gift, but a curse. Both my parents are dead and there's now a 40 minute delay on route 9. Some people use that route to get home after work."
Hmm, a tough cookie, I thought to myself.
"Hey, how about a game of Twister?" I asked. "That always cheers you up."
I saw the faint glimmer of a smile blossom on Jimmy's lips and so I immediately began laying out the Twister sheet.
"Try and give me a challenge this time." I said to him, to add to the banter of the game.
"Janey," Jimmy replied. "We both know I am far more flexible than you due to the fact that every bone in my body is double-jointed."
"And yet somehow I always win." I grinned.
After a few spins we were heavily into the game. Jimmy was right above me stretched out in an awkward position. I span again and got right hand to yellow. Fair enough, I thought, and stretched out my arm whilst trying to maintain balance. Yet, in doing so I brought Jimmy's ass right in front of my face and I immediately knew that I was crossing a ley line of the Bermuda Square. That Other, Hell-Like Dimension that the square provides a gateway to would inevitably consume me.
The pain was immense. I screamed the last sound I could into my old reality. I saw sharp daggers of bright white light, greater in size than anything imaginable. They ripped right through every molecule of my being and put me back together piece by piece inside a reality impossible to convey via any form of information exchange. Even now when I try to describe what I'm looking at, I know it cannot be done. I exist, but I do not exist. I have been relegated from everything you know and believe to be real. I will never see my parents or Jimmy ever again. Nevermore will I enjoy the taste and texture of apple pie, or the hot runny shits that come from drinking too much hot, black coffee. When I try to remember what that old reality was like , it is like trying to recall a long forgotten dream. Worst of all, I know in my heart of hearts that I was going to win that game of Twister.
The end.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Title that makes babbies laugh
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep
Category:LONG ASS TITLE