Word crawl/Crawl for Slower Typists

While this crawl is exactly 1667 words long, people tend to go over on most parts of it, so they tend to end up with a lot more words. Here it is.
Your snacks are gathered, your keyboard is polished, and you're all set to start a perfect, productive writing session. Unfortunately, your flaky excuse for a muse, Charlene, has other plans, namely a mud mask and a pedicure at The Warm Onion, your terribly named local spa. You can't do this without her! Maybe you can summon her with a well-crafted opening sentence. Write ten words to lure Charlene.
Darn! There's still no sign of her. Now what are you supposed to do? Defeated, your shoulders slump, and you reach for the chocolate bar that was going to be your reward for the first five hundred words. Immediately, there's an insistent tap on your window. You know exactly who that is without having to turn around. Charlene may not have bothered to show up to your writing session, but a guilt monkey has, its piercing, insistent glare at the ready. If you want to be able to gaze out that window when you daydream later, you need to drive it off by showing it that you really are making progress with your writing. Write thirty words to make the guilt monkey leave you alone.
Whew! Thank goodness that worked! You're so relieved that you get an extra boost of creative energy. Write fifty words.
Charlene's still missing. If you want to get something done today, you need to try something else. While you think, write ten words. Drawing a viking hat topped shield on the floor, you prepare to summon a plot bunny to give you an idea. All that remains is the summoning ritual.
Drink some coffee. Whoa! That's a lot of energy! Write 77 words as you refill the cup and place it on the shield.
You choose your two favorite pens for the next space. You can't resist jotting something down with them first. They're great pens. Write twenty words.
Did you know there are five hundred sheets in a ream of paper? Write five hundred words.
Now you place your laptop in position. You need to write one more sentence, to draw the bunny in. Better make it a doozy. Write twenty words.
Vapor begins to swirl above the shield, and a portal opens. But wait! That isn't a bunny! Your last sentence was too well written, and attracted a hungry word eating dragon! Quick! Maybe another sentence can close the portal! Write twenty words.
The portal opens wider, and suddenly there is a hungry dragon in your writing space. You grab for one of the pens, remembering something about them being mightier than swords. Once again, you just have to scribble something. These pens are fantastic! Write ten words.
The dragon stares at you, confused and likely wondering why you aren't running. It looks very, very hungry. Hmm. Maybe if you give it a little snack, it'll go away. Write fifteen words.
The dragon looks unimpressed, and somehow hungrier. Maybe something larger would go over better. Write forty-five words.
Clearly, dragons have bigger appetites than you realized. Write a hundred words before it decides you're on the menu.
Thank goodness! Sated, the dragon wanders off, leaving a dragon shaped hole in the side of the building. Oops. You'll deal with that later. In the meantime, you might be able to describe what the wall looked like convincingly enough that no one will notice the damage. Write fifty words.
You know, you've done good today. So what if you still haven't made any progress on your writing? You owe yourself some chocolate. As you snack, why not compose an epic poem about your dragon encounter, something worthy of being shared around the campfire at Camp NaNoWriMo? Write forty-five words.
It's time to get down to business. Call the Warm Onion and demand to speak to Charlene. Be careful. They have a very unpleasant receptionist. Write sixty-five words as she argues with you.
Oh, you can't stand that woman! You can't resist leaving a complaint on the spa's website. Write fifty words.
Finally, you get ahold of Charlene. If only you could understand her. Whatever treatment she's doing, she doesn't seem to be able to talk properly, and you're not sure she can hear everything you're saying. Write forty words as you try to explain that you need her at home to help you write.
Charlene's massage therapist grabs the phone and tries to tell you her client needs to be left alone. At least she can talk properly. Write ten words to convince her to put your muse back on the line.
Charlene finally agrees to come home. At this point, you're so fed up that you want to prove you can write without her. Write thirty words before Charlene arrives.
Augh, that isn't good enough! Write seventy words. That'll show her.
She's in the driveway now! There's time for a little bit more. Write twenty words.
You can practically feel her breathing down your neck, laughing at how little you got done without her. But you got rid of a guilt monkey! Write ten words. You went through that whole ridiculous summoning ritual! Write twenty words. You wrote your way through a whole ream of paper! Write ten words. You fought a dragon! Write forty words.
Who needs divine intervention? Who needs plot bunnies or muses? You are a writer, a wordsmith, a brilliant creator. And you are nearly to 1667 words, all without Charlene's help. Why should she get any credit? Write the last three hundred words, all by yourself.