Virgin vs. Chad Copypasta

Ah. The laughter. The pain. The relatability. The joy of creation. Memes are truly a wonder of these interconnected networks, and must be protecc for many generations to cum. Despite initially intended for the pleasure of the audience, I would like to call attention to a specific meme; one of immeasurable power, one capable of influence far greater than a Brad Tiktok star. Of course, due to the location of this note, I am referring to the meme that is Virgin Vs. Chad.
The day of this subreddit's creation is a day to be remembered. Being the supposed man of culture I was, the majority of my life was spent lurking the immense depths of Virgins and Chads. As I dragged myself deeper into the rabbit-hole, the more dopamine I sensed rushing through me, just like a shooting star, yet it moves away so fast, as I log off of my computer, and snapback to reality. My life thus far has only been filled with dread. TL;DR I had crippling depression. My only salvation left came from this Subreddit alone.
It felt like what has been 3000 years since that moment. I experienced all sorts of Virgins and Chads everywhere, all right here at my fingertips. But in the end, I got NOTHING. I LOST. Outside life just kept tumbling down. Other individuals letting me down. I tried to become the self improver, but failed miserably.
But then, a shocking revelation came to me. A concept that I only describe as "All the relatability are belong to me." I scrolled through every post known to man in this subreddit. I have gone to places no lurker has gone before. There was so much to do, and so much to see, so why was I taking the backseat? I knew EXACTLY why: I AM THE VIRGIN HIMSELF. Every meme. Every comment. Why was I here, only just to suffer? I related to precisely EVERY SINGLE MEME INVOLVING THE VIRGIN. No Chads, not even a Norb, or a Basic. Strictly VIRGINS AND BELOW. There was nothing I was capable of doing with my life. I cannot experience the joy of sex. I have nothing. All I had was extreme virginity to numbers topping even Ultra Instinct Shaggy's power level. Depression struck me once again, but soon afterwards, a simple concept appeared in my mind. One to influence nothing other than my death.
THE VIRGIN LIVING VS. THE CHAD DEAD.
That was it! That was the key to becoming the Chad this entire time! I have never felt so much pleasure in my life. My hands are shaking my body pillow so hard that she no longer stands up on her own. As I hold this tidepod in my hand, ready to kill myself in the most chadly way possible, I would like to leave one final message:
I AM NUMBER ONE!
With that out of the way, all I have left to do is to leave my 1,000 karma, 2 silver awards, and posts, into the will of my loving waifu. The rest of my possessions shall be left in a museum for the rest of the world to see, because tbh there really needs to be more chads in the world.
With the tidepod in my mouth, a cup of bleach ready to swallow, and my cursor pointed at the post button, I shall simultaneously wash the tidepod down my throat with the bleach and post this suicide note. Goodbye virgin cruel world, AND HELLO CHAD AFTERLIFE!
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Copypasta
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Suicide