David Lynch

David Lynch
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[ambient industrial sound effects]
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was an experimental 
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[scenes of Americana supplemented with jazz music]
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and outlandish 
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[close-up soft-focus shot of a phonograph playing something about the Baltic Region]
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:::::::…American filmmaker.
==Biography==
On the day Lynch was born, a mysterious old woman in garish makeup, perhaps a reclusive neighbor, came to the door of his parents' house and ominously warned of some unspecified "grave danger" in an unplaceable accent. His parents were BOB—a malicious transdimensional spirit—and Laura “Who Killed…” Palmer—a promiscuous meals-on-wheels volunteer and BOB’s high school sweetheart. Lynch was an introverted and lonely child, something that likely led to his later adult problems film career.
...
There was this great big light ... and ... oh? Why? why? why do there have to be people like Frank? 
[flickering lights]
I won a swing dance contest, you know.
==Film Career==
David Lynch made motion picture films. [static] Would you like to know how he made his motion picture films? [static] Here is how he made them:
===Eraserhead===
... *Waaah!* *Waaah!* *Waaah!* *Waaah!* *Waaah!* *Waaah!* *Waaah!*
Henry? Did you and Mary have sexual intercourse? I have a very good reason to know. There's a baby. It's premature, but there's a baby.
Mother!
"Oh, I'm on vacation."
... *squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak*
In Heav-ven, ev-ree-thing is fine.
===The Elephant Man===
John Merrick. I mean Joseph Merrick. Some one fucked that up. Those bastards. And because it is obligitory:
I AM NOT AN AN-NEE-MAL! I'M A HYU-MAN BEE-EEING!
===Dune===
"No fish spice dick mutant with cancer was here emperor space house and told you to kill Sardaukar Paul spice Arrakis spice suspicious duke rivalry."
"House Atreides spice spice Duke worms Harkonnen?"
"Fremmen spice Arrakis."
"Weirding module spice spice worm sign."
"Paul Paul Sting eyebrows Fremmen what the fuck is Max von Sydow doing in this film?"
"Spice."
===Blue Velvet===
HEINEKEN!? Fuck that shit!
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Why do there have to be people like Frank?
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[Dude from Showgirls stalks elderly Portuguese actress]
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Blue Velvet scissors vagina.
===Wild At Heart===
Elvis Elvis Elvis I'M MAKING MY LUNCH Elvis Elvis Chris Isaak Elvis brains everywhere Wizard of Oz Elvis.
===Lost Highway===
"Dick Laurent is dead..."
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"We've met before, at your house, don't you remember? As a matter of fact, I'm there right now..."
"That's fucking crazy, maaaaannn..."
"Do you know how many fuckin' car-lengths it takes to stop a car at 35mph!?"
===The Straight Story===
"Did you ride that thing all the way out here to see me?" 
===Mulholland Drive===
Naomi Watts is a lesbian. This is all one need know about this film. That and she's in trouble.
===Inland Empire===
Baltic region akdb sdb dsnjfjbndfhs ddg hey it's that woman from Jurassic Park asje lfjdb fhb sabf dsnc ajfbasvb hablssg What? ahlafnsdfj jsauvd Rabbits? as fashfdsb dljsfdfs sdjs fnbld A asufsdu bkasaudsh nbdaebm buen DERN DERN DERN LAURA PALMER sdlnd is; sadnb sdsdh boen akd Poland? sdkbfdj ndsj ne akkn eiu Wait, what? sdi dbnfsdk No seriously what the fuck ibueljakentcojl; uebdiekgn She gets stabbed in the vagina kdnekj biekbam ubibeamd tuasantj look, I'm kinda in a mindfuck right now, and I don't know if today's tomorrow or what [Southern drawl] dkjaen iebabasd.
==Recurring Motifs==
[assorted disconcerting noises]
David Lynch used a great deal of artsy, complicated symbolism in his films that was often lost upon the average filmgoer. Here are just some of his deeper, more notable motifs and symbols.
===Crazy Hair===
In all of David Lynch's films, it is typical for there to be a man with crazy hair. Typically, crazy hair in Lynch films symbolizes twisted, deep seated psychological and sexual desire. Because hair grows out from the head, it can be seen as a reflection of what goes on inside the head, the proverbial soil from whence it was grown. As Lynch's films almost invariably deal with sexual trauma/deviation of some kind, crazy hair directly symbolizing that is a given.
In Eraserhead, for instance, protagonist Henry (actor Jack Nance) has extremely crazy hair. His hair is somewhat like an afro, but also flat on the top and somewhat on the sides. Because of this, his hair looks somewhat like a pencil eraser. Hence, Eraserhead. It is from Nance's hairdo that the title of the film is actually derived.
Some people, however, claim that the movie title is derived from a dream sequence that occurs near the end of the film in which Henry's brains are made into pencil erasers. This is bullshit, because these people clearly do not know what they are talking about.
===Physical Deformity===
It was also very common for David Lynch to make use of physically deformed characters in his films. Often, this motif is simplified to people who are just fucked up in general. Physical deformity is often taken to symbolize twisted, deep seated psychological and sexual desire.
In The Elephant Man, for instance, sexual adventurist John/Joseph Merrick is represented as a twisted monster, a representation of his twisted inner being.
Some claim, however, that Lynch actually contrasts Merrick's deformed outer being with his pure and benevolent inner being. This is bullshit, because these people clearly do not know what they are talking about.
===A Woman in Trouble===
One of Lynch's most common themes is the plight of the woman in trouble. Lynch enjoys to portray women beaten, raped, stalked, ridiculed, oppressed, terrorized, stripped, frightened, left alone, confused, unstable, irrational, dependent, and squeezed through radiator grills. This quality in his female characters is portrayed with an enthralling lasciviousness, and is symbolic of twisted, deep seated psychological and sexual desire.
Some critics claim that this tendency is pure misogyny, and the real reason he tears women to bloody unrecognizable shreds both physically and emotionally in every film is because of his irrational hatred of the female sex. This is bullshit, because these people clearly do not know what they are talking about.
===Weird Random Stuff===
David Lynch often employs a number of "weird, random" things in his films. These include, but are not limited to:
* Flickering lights (certain scenes of Eraserhead)
* Ambient, industrial sound effects (certain scenes of Eraserhead)
* The repetition of everyday noises greatly amplified (certain scenes of Eraserhead)
* Non-sequitur scenes that have nothing to do with the rest of anything (all of Inland Empire)
These seemingly random and quirky "personal touches" are in fact of heavy symbolic value. These instances are often credited as symbolizing twisted, deep seated psychological and sexual desire. In Eraserhead, for instance, there are flickering lights. Also, the film deals with sex. Therefore, the flickering lights symbolize twisted, deep seated psychological and sexual desire. 
There are some people who not only do not agree with this analysis, but find this running joke really tired and uncreative. This is bullshit, because those people clearly do not know what they are talking about.
==How to Make a David Lynch Film==
* Step #1: Think of the weirdest thing ever (i.e., lizards eating a guy's leg while he walks to a post office in space).
* Step #2: Eat a dangerous amount of peyote before writing it down.
* Step #3: Go out on a hunt for the most creepy, odd looking person you can find on the street. Pay him/her a fair salary to play the role of... well... a creepy, odd looking man (or of an indeterminable gender). Even if it's a woman, she should still be cast as a male character for an even creepier appearance. Give the creepy, odd looking character some creepy dialog to creep the audience out. For instance, "I am going to find out one day" or "I have a secret." For the best effect, the creepy, odd looking character should not have any name (except for Bob, of course).
* Step #4: Record everything you do during one day on a tape recorder (for instance "it's 10:05 AM and I'm peeling the skin off an orange"), then pick out a few sentences and play them backwards. Now insert the backwards speech at a barely audible volume underneath the existing dialog.
* Step #5: Mix the different scenes into a random non-linear time line, screwing up the continuity of the plot. You might want to consider superimposing the film's ending scene over the opening scene, so that both scenes appear at the beginning of the film at the same time, albeit intermingled with each other.
* Step #6: Amazingly, you will have a script which David Lynch will steal from you and make into a film. There are no revisions, changes, or improvements.
* Step #7: Even though the screenplay is, as Hollywood Execs would call it, "Gay," and the movie is "Gay," David Lynch makes million$ and gets critical acclaim.
* Step #8: Log into a bunch of film-related forums, most importantly the film's own message board on IMDb, and write at least one post about how "deep," "subtle" and "profound" the storyline is, no matter what the plot is, or whether it's actually smart or not. Hell, you don't even have to see it to write about it. Write some random existentialist gibberish about the plot in an attempt to make the script look coherent and yourself look smart. Make sure that the sentence "Look how deep I am!" is printed (metaphorically speaking) between the lines of your long and extensive interpretation of the plot.
* Step #9: Accuse anyone who doesn't see the profanity or subtlety of the film of "not bothering to understand the film," "being narrow-minded," "not getting it" or even being downright stupid. Also say to the other person "go back to watching the Disney Channel, this film is for smart and deep people!"
* Step #10: You kill yourself.
==See Also==
* Amanda Palmer
* Dune
* Kyle MacLachlan
* Laura Palmer
* Surrealism
* WTF
Category:American artists
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