David Tennant

David Tennant (sometimes referred to as David Ten-InchBecause he has a massive cock. Or is it nose?) is an act-or from Pictland widely considered to be the sexiest man to have ever lived, beating ageing knicker-dampener Sean Connery into second place. He is most famous for hosting the series reboot of the groundbreaking soap opera and occasional experimental jazz performance showDoctor Who, shortly after Northy McNorth North The Black Pudding Man left the show. The word that comes to mind when thinking of David Tennant is, God. Yes its true, David Tennant is in fact a reincarnation of 1978 era Robert Smith.
==Early Years==
Tennant was born David MacSporran in deepest, darkest Caledonia where it rains all the time and mad old men wearing skirts and carrying sticks with ram's skulls on top drive sheep across the mountains to escape the plagues of midgets and the 'terrible Inglish!'. The young MacSporran thirsted to escape from the work in a porridge factory his parents had lined up for him and the wedgies that he suffered daily at the hands of old men and, one summer's day when the rain stopped long enough for him to get his bearings, he fled south to England and the nearest large town. There he was forced to escape the attention of marauding redcoats looking for 'Jacobite scum' by hiding in a theatre troup. It was through doing this that he discovered he had a knack for acting. Determinded to hide his Pictish ancestry lest he be shot as a hairy-bollocked traitor under legislation passed by then-Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher he changed his name to 'David Tennant' and made a name for himself as a thespian and skinny fop.
==The Lesbian Period==
Eventually growing tired of announcing fights between rogue Immortals and Journalists, Tennant auditioned for the role of Aerith in Final Fantasy VII: The Musical, but was ultimately turned down when the producers decided to utilise CGI instead of real actors. 
===The Doctor Who Years===
After nearly reaching rock bottom, he was picked up by the almighty BBC, which then turned him into a Time Lord where he started an affair with Kate Bush, in which many dirty, unspeakable acts were committed in the TARDIS, hence why many have begun to refer to him as "David Ten-inch". Kate Bush later responded to the speculation on The Graham Norton Show, claiming that "The rumours are nowhere near true. It was eleven inches"
Tennant was currently filming the fourth series of Doctor Who. This series will be unique in that Kate Bush leaves the series to be replaced by Barack Obama. It is reported this season will have much more controversial subject matter, including the STD epidemics caused single-handedly by Boris Johnson.
Captain Jack Harkness, played by Lionel Richie, will return to the series and get the Doctor pregnant in the final episodes. This is an attempt to explain David Tennant's actual pregnancy.
Many people had speculated that the current series will be the last. Numerous successors had been noted to replace him, including but not limited to Rick Astley, Will Smith, Gordon Ramsay and Mike Myers. It was rumoured that Myers was to reprise his role as the title character from the 1965 gothic drama/horror Shrek.
Tennant left Doctor Who, and was replaced in his role as the doctor to some fuck ugly twat named Matt Smith, not Will Smith. Will Will Smith be as good as Tennant? Probably not. Will Will Smith be as beloved as Tennant? Possibly no. Will Will Smith Smith Will Smith? Inevitably so.
===Controversy===
In 2008, Tennant was convicted of the murder of famed actor John Simm. Tennant claimed that it didn't matter, as Simm would just regenerate anyway. The court informed Tennant that Simm was on his twelfth regeneration, to which Tennant replied "Fuck! I'm Screwed."
Tennant also provoked controversy after publicly admitting he supported the Labour Party. He then cemented his fanatical communism and did an advert for Tesco, which is a bit like a vegetarian doing an advert for a sausage maker. To apologize for that absolute fuck up, Tennant appeared in a TikTok live with That Vegan Teacher, in which he performed a muckbang eating her toes.
While in prison, Tennant choked to death on a particularly nasty pear. However, a secret occult group of Fangirls managed to come into possession of his right hand and, by using a special arcane "ritual", they managed to resurrect him.
===Rise to Power===
Realizing that he was otherwise going to spend the rest of his life as some form of sex slave, Tennant escaped and, with the vast armies of women at his disposal, marched straight into the Houses of Parliament and took over Britain. Tennant now enjoys a successful life as Supreme OverLord Kill-Machine of Great Britain, telling people what to do and shooting Astrologists. In the near future he hopes to "turn all horses into glue and wipe out all species of moth". His hordes of fangirls are said to be driven around like a cattle drive, as their sheepish, slavish qualities render independent judgement impossible. Fangirl-drivers, specifically Footfaced Will Smith and company, are said to deal with these hordes of slaves.
Tennant's sexual preference (omnisexuality, i.e., shagging anything with a postcode) has helped him stabilize a solid role in said rise to power.
==Footnotes==
Category:Doctor Who
Category:British actors
Category:Scottish actors
Category:Doctors
Category:Time Lords