DarkSouls2.exe The Hidden Files

Alright, so yesterday I was extremely board and I needed something to do. I decided to look through some of the Dark Souls 2 game files. I didn't really find anything interesting at first which was odd, because Dark Souls 2 is an interesting game. I kept looking through until I saw an unused sound file called "letsfuck.exe". It was a sound file. I opened and something truly scary happened. The only thing I heard was two game developers going at it. Disgusting.
I have no idea what this would have been used for. Maybe an easter egg? Anyway I tried to use the sound file in game and it turns out that is was a sound an enemy makes after getting hit. When I went up to the first enemy I saw I hit it and it said "That's how you do it". And I hit him again and this time it said "Oh fuck yes!". I found this to be very disturbing so I turned off my PC and went to sleep but then I dreamed about the sound file. I couldn't hear anything else but those two fucking.
So I decided to investigate again. I kept looking through until I found an unused map called "Donger Passage". I decided to load up the map and play it. This was a terrible idea. The level design was awful. The enemies killed themselve- oh wait I accidently loaded up the DLC maps. Anyway, back to Donger Passage. It looked like a normal level. Except there were no enemies on the map and I could hear demonic noises. Which was weird because there was no enemies.
I kept looking around for what ever was making the noise. I came to a long hallway and saw something bolt across the room when I opened the door to the hallway. It was really long and almost had a phallic look to it. All of a sudden a boss health bar showed up with the name "Donger Monkey" above it. Then some porno music started playing as the boss theme.
It quickly ran at me which made me shit myself. I tried to run away from it but the Donger Monkey was way too fast. It penetrated my character which made me use a crawling animation. My character couldn't walk. I just sat there and watched as the cock monster kept slapping my character. I almost felt bad for him. This was it. My character died. He was dead for good. The Donger Monkey started to swallow him whole.
I looked away when all of a sudden I heard the sound of a torch lighting. My character lit a torch inside the erectile demon. The skin started to burn off of it and was nothing but a pile of burning flesh. My character came crawling out of it, saving himself. Covered in semen my character was ready to continue. After the fog gate there was no bonfire so I couldn't save, but there was a new area along with a new enemy. It seemed to be a follower of the Donger Monkey. It was just a small fleshy creature sitting in a corner fapping. I decided to kill it anyway. So I backstabbed it and "Oh my god it's so big". I forgot I still had the sound file on. Anyway, what was next was a long dark cave, I'm guessing this would be the passage.
The floor made my character wet and he started to sink into the ground. I kept rolling and rolling until he finally made it out of the wetness. he was covered in cum which made him slow down. All of a sudden I saw a light on the other end of the tunnel. I quickly ran to it when something jumped on top of my character and started to rape him. It looked like single sperm. After awhile of trying to get it off him the sperm finally died and my character continued through the cave. He made it to the end. I had a feeling this was it.
All of a sudden the walls of the cave started to turn all flesh like which was really disgusting but my character continued onward. He was so close. He was right there at the exit he tried to step out when all of a sudden a gigantic cock pushes him all the way back through the cave back to the boss room. I could now confirm that this "Donger Passage" was a vagina. What did this mean? Why would they create a vaginal passage? Why'd they put that sound file in?
Maybe the answer lies at the other end of the passage after an hour of trying to get back out I made it to the end of it again. Except a fogwall was there now and a wall of text came up that said "Illuminati DLC $6.66" and it took the money off my credit card. Then after the purchase was completed another wall of text came up that said "you shouldn't have done that". No shit I shouldn't of done that, you stupid bitch.
The vagina opened. I could now walk through it. When I got out I looked behind me and the vagina belonged to the developer that worked on the game. This still doesn't answer my question, but raises more. The illuminati DLC opened up a completely new area called "Cliche Land". I almost misread it as clit land. Went I went to the area there was hyper realistic blood on the hyper realistic walls.
The numbers "666" appeared on the walls as well. I went to the first door I saw and opened it. Inside was another Donger Descendant. They are very easy enemies as all they do is sit in a corner and fap. I kept walking through this boring fucking map for three hours there was literally NOTHING to do. I finally came across something. It appeared to be an alter of sorts. I touched it. Worst mistake of my life. A portal opened up and a gigantic fleshy beast crawled out of it. Limping around. Struggling. Another boss health bar came up. This time it said "Donger Overlord". When I say this thing is gigantic, I mean it. It was towering over me. My character screamed in terror.
A bunch of acid jizz rained down everywhere. I raised my shield but it melted from the jizz. It was no use. I tried hitting the thing but it only did 69 damage with each hit. All of a sudden a timer popped up out of no where. I had 666 seconds to kill this thing. After awhile I just said fuck it and turned on some cheats. When I hit the boss I killed it in one hit. The boss didn't really have a death sound it kind of just shot out semen as it died.
Actually now looking at it, the penis kind of looked like Patrick's head. The boss did drop an item though it was a note. "Congratuions, u've made it past the Donger DLC!!!1111". This pissed me off now knowing that this had been a future DLC. About sex. This explains the sexual related things in this map. Anyway that was my story going through the future Donger Passage DLC. I'd give it a 2/10. It's more directed to the homosexual gamers.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Vidya games
Category:File Extensions
Category:Well, that was anticlimactic.
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:NSFW
Category:Read by SOG