Where Is the Grinch's Nutsack?

Every Christmas week, it's a tradition for my family to watch Jim Carrey's "How the Grinch Stole Christmas". Sometimes it's on streaming, and sometimes we just crack out the DVD- but every time is a good time. Every one liner is near perfection, the sets are stunning, and the acting is top tier. And who could forget the narration by Anthony Hopkins in all his respectable glory.
You could almost say this bundled package is a complete present. But this year something bothered me. I had seen the film over 1000 times, like a detective watching his suspect on video over and over again. I had analyzed scenes, and found the deeper meaning hidden in them (Of Christmas). I even knew the cast and crew (In alphabetical order) by heart. But this time, to my horror, my thoughts drifted too far. This time, they find discrepancy in the costume. Not just a costumeThe costume. The Grinch's costume. Where, in God's Jehovan name, was the Grinch's Grinchy dick? I was astounded. Flabbergasted. Surely a... thing, of his size would have a big hairy stalk and a shaggy meat sack to compliment him. It would wag every time he climbed Mt. Crumpit. It would shake every time he jumped out to scare an innocent Who. It would jiggle every time he bounced around. And it would certainly grow 3 sizes as soon as his heart did too.
For a second, let's dial it back and go back to the 1957 source material. In the book, it at first seems as if the Grinch is baboon ass naked. You see him in all his Grinchy glory, no clothes or shoes to speak of. But then it seems as if it is not so! On a certain page, he stuff his hands in his... pockets? Yes, I suppose they are pockets. Made of Grinch skin. Either he is wearing his ancestor like Cubone or he is some sort of Kangaroo. And that clear evidence bring me back to to the movie. You see, maybe he is butt naked after all in the movie. Maybe he is wearing sexy skin tight leggings as a way to awaken the Who's to his charm. Maybe it's his seductive technique and we've as an audience failed to understand that the Grinch can be a sexy beast too. It all makes sense if you're horny.
So stay with me though. If the makeup crew is so fixed on Greek accuracy and the ideal male body, why don't we see an enormous bulge in his Grinchy pants? And therein lies the problem. It's not there. It's not in the special features. It's not in the deleted scenes. It's not in the book! It's completely nonexistant for no reason whatsoever. If they wanted to be clever, they should have inserted a football sized mass in the Grinches pants. This way the audience can finally envision what the Director wants: Total freedom and pleasure for the Grinch. We could finally see the Grinch flail his roast beast all over the place, spraying enormous amounts of who hash all over Christmas town. We could finally see the Grinch unleash his Green Bean of chaos and launch numerous liquid gifts for those ungrateful and always judging Who's. We, as an audience, can finally give into to body positivity-and experience the Grinch in his most beautiful form. And you know what? I'd say that's pretty progressive for a Christmas Weekend.
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