Why I'll Never Go To Equestria With Mr. Krabs

[Airport sounds in the background]
Stitches: Um... Where are we going again?
Vampyro: We're going to Equestria, Stitches. A miserable little village filled with happy-go-lucky horses with glorious aromas, smiling faces, and a lot of... *sighs* sunlight.
Stitches: Oh, that's bad. I mean, you're a vampire, you'll burst into flames once you step off that plane. 
Vampyro: Don't worry, sunlight to vampires is not actually from the folklore, as many types of vampires - like myself - survive just fine in the sunlight, and traditional folklore rarely mentions sunlight at all. In other words, it's just gonna give me minimum discomfort. 
Stitches: Oh that's good. I wonder how all of Ponyville would react to us being there. 
Vampyro: Huh, you know, I was wondering the same thing. Between your yellow skin, black lips, and shriveled complexion, and my pale skin, red eyes and fangs, it's a no-brainer that they'll be a bit unnerved. But, we won't let that get between us and our mission, right? 
Stitches: Mission? Oh, yeah, the mission Mr. Krabs gave us! You know, I have a feeling that he's gonna get us into trouble because of his actions. 
Vampyro: You know that's right. Remember the time where we went to San Lorenzo and ran into the Senior Puss Squad? 
[Flashback sound effect] 
[Mr. Krabs vs Skeletons sound effect] 
[Flashback sound effect] 
Stitches: Huh, no wonder why we were banned from that place. 
Vampyro: Dude, you were there. You forgot about it already? 
Stitches: Well, once you're like me, you'd loose track of time very easily... Loose track of time very easily... 
Vampyro: Whatever, let's just get on the plane. 
[Plane taking off sound effect] 
[One Week Later time card] 
[Plane landing sound effect] 
[Walking on dirt sound effect] 
Vampyro: *groan* Finally! We finally made it out of that goddamn plane! 
Stitches: I personally think that it was relaxing. 
Vampyro: You're used to this kind of thing, I'm not. All I had to deal with was a couple of Valleygirls, some creepy pervert, and a noisy little brat! And to make the matters worse, the plane's waiters were all Spanish, so trying to get their attention didn't help the situation. 
Stitches: The other two with the Valleygirls and the creep is reasonable, but the kid just didn't like Pistachios. 
Vampyro: Then why did he want it in the first place? 
Stitches: I dunno, you know kids today. Can't make up their minds. 
Vampyro: Ugh, let's just do what other backpackers do, just walk down this lonesome trail, with nothing but the bags on our backs. 
Stitches: I can live with that. But, where do Mr. Krabs want to meet us at again? 
Vampyro: Ponyville, specifically, at the square. We should be there tomorrow, so we'll stop somewhere to camp out at, so don't expect a relaxing walk around nature. 
[The Next Day time card] 
Both: *Panting* 
Vampyro: Well, that took us longer than I thought. 
Stitches: *Whistling The Andy Griffith Show theme* 
Vampyro: Hey, wait a minute! Why aren't you tired out?! 
Stitches: I'm practically a Frankenstein abomination, I never get tired. 
Vampyro: Whatever, at least we're here. Now, where is Mr. Krabs? 
Stitches: ... Ooh, ooh, I see him! Near the Kiss Inn. 
Vampyro: Good eye, Stitches! Let's go! 
[The two going over to Mr. Krabs] 
Mr. Krabs: Took ya two long enough! Now listen, the reason why I sent you two here is that there is a treasury at the Castle of Friendship. And I want you to help me break in there and take all the loot we can grab! 
[Glass shatter sound effect] 
[JonTron "WTF"] 
Mr. Krabs: That's right, boyo! We're breaking into that castle and steal them treasures. Think about it, boys, living the good life swimming in a golden lake and showering in a billion dollar bills! 
Vampyro: Uuuuuuuuh......... Mr. Krabs? You barked at us on the phone to get on a plane to Ponyville, had us suffer from a bunch of morons, had us hike for a whole day, only for us to burglarize a royal castle? Isn't that idea, well, *clears throat* illegal? 
Mr. Krabs: Illegal is a strong word. 
Vampyro: I doubt it. 
Stitches: Can we just get this done? We're burning daylight. 
Vampyro: No, no I'm not going to jail! I'd rather have a stake in the heart than to get my ass clapped! 
Mr. Krabs: Sorry, you already signed a contract to join in on the job. 
Vampyro: Since when? 
[Flashback sound effect] 
Mr. Krabs: Hey, uh, you wanna sign this contract? Cause we gotta rob a castle next week. 
Vampyro: Yeah, sure whatever. 
[Flashback sound effect] 
Vampyro: Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh, FUCK!
 [Later That Night time card] 
[Walking on dirt sound effect] 
Mr. Krabs: Alright, boyo, you got me map of the place? 
Vampyro: Yeah, yeah, but I still got a bad feeling about this. 
Mr. Krabs: Yeah, you'll get over it. Anyway, let's take a look at the map. Mm-hm, mm-hm, alright. Okay, the treasury is down below, so it looks like we'll have to dig our way to those gold doubloons! Stitches, hand us some shovels, it's time to get diggin'! 
[Digging sound effect] 
Dark Reindeer: Sup guys? 
[Tourettes Guy - Oh shit] 
Vampyro: Uh, hey Dark, uh, w-w-we're just, uh, burying our neighbor's dog. He choked on one of Zarbon's used condoms and- 
Dark Reindeer: Zarbon's not in this universe, you know? He's in DevilArtemis' videos. Now, about that dog, where is it? 
Stitches: Where's what? 
Dark Reindeer: The dog, mate? Where is the dog, 'cause, I don't see it. 
Mr. Krabs: Well, uh, you see, it's in this bag right here. 
Dark Reindeer: It's in this bag? 
Mr. Krabs: Yes, it's a little decomposed, so we brought some doggie bags since the smell makes us practically vomit our guts out. 
Dark Reindeer: Yet you say there's a dog in that bag, despite the fact that it's filled with tools and equipment. 
Vampyro: ... Well shit. Looks like he's cornered us. Might as well tell him the- 
Mr. Krabs: Oh hell no, we ain't telling him shit! 
Dark Reindeer: Tell me what, exactly? 
Mr. Krabs: To suck deeznuts, bitch! Keep digging boys, we've got to get rid of this dead dog, it's stinking more than Taylor Swift's pussy! 
Dark Reindeer: Like I heard that before. Alright, I'll be at Town Square if you need me. 
Mr. Krabs: Bah, who needs that cocksucker, let's just keep digging so we can be filthy, stinking rich! 
[So Much Later That The Old Narrator Got Tired Of Waiting And They Had To Hire A New One] 
[Digging sound effect] 
[Hitting Concrete sound effect] 
Stitches: I hit something! 
Mr. Krabs: Ho-ho! I bet it's the treasury! Oh, shit, these concrete blocks are movable, possibly a secret entrance! 
[Stone Slide sound effect] 
Mr. Krabs: *Gasps* 
[Dramatic Impact 6] 
Pony cop: Freeze! You're all under arrest for attempted burglary! 
Mr. Krabs: How about fuck all of ya! I'm getting me gold! 
Pony Cop: Hault, stop, stop!
 [Taser sound effect] 
[Mr. Krabs screaming - skip to 0:06] 
[Can you move it along? I'm running out of time cards] 
[Prison Door sound effect] 
Vampyro: I called it, I fucking called it! I knew we're gonna be in so much trouble! 
Mr. Krabs: Ah, quite your belly-aching, boy! It could be worse. 
Vampyro: Could be worse? We're in jail because of your actions! 
Mr. Krabs: Hey, don't you get hissy with me because you signed a contracted! 
Vampyro: It's blacklisted, you tricked me into it! Does your daughter even sleep at night thinking that her father is a fucking crook?! 
Mr. Krabs: Oh, don't you bring Pearl into the mi- 
Prisoner: [Cut to 1:56] 
Stitches: Sorry. Anyway, hope you guys enjoyed tonight's video! Be sure to like, comment, and subscribe for more of us! 
Vampyro: And stay in school, cause this motherfucker doesn't teach you shit! 
Mr. Krabs: Ah, fuck you! 
Stitches: I'm Stitches, everyone's favorite monster, and we're offline!
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Category:DIALOGUE!