nyuuzyou/wikis huggingface dataset:
Jack McConnell

Former Scottish First Minister (Immitation) Jack "The Ripper" McConnell (born 30th June, 1960 in Chaguanas, Trinidad and Tobago) is now First Minister of North Ayshire Council and Member of the Scottish Parliament for Arran after being sacked by Alex Salmond of the SNP. 
==On the Election Trail==
When campaigning in Hamilton town centre recently - up at the Top Cross Bairds Corner - Ol'Tam had to watch as his Finance Minister Tom McCabe tried to batter a dude from the SNP! Click here for the video by the BBC!
==Early life==
Jack McConnell spent his formulative years on a sheep farm, helping to tend the sheep and being weaned on porridge and whisky. Although all of the children in his village had human parents, McConnell had Parrots as parents, causing many of the local children to bully and taunt him.
==Politics==
At the age of 16, he joined the Scottish Nationalist Party despite being against Scottish Independence and later quit realising that SNP was not the Sheep Nurturing Party after he grew up on a sheep farm watching things wander around doing very little, very much like he does in Holyrood today. Keeping to some traditions however, he joined the Anti-English Party in 2006 when he decided to support Trinidad and Tobago at the World Cup finals in Germany instead of England which pissed the London Press off quite a bit. In his defense though, there was a player called Jason Scotland in the Trinidad team. He likes to Roger himself anally with a Toblerone.
Due to this, he was later elected First Minister of Scotland by his party (as opposed to the public otherwise he wouldn't be First Minister would he?) after his predecessors Donald Dewar and Alex McLeish (who was chucked out in the Officegate Scandal for sub-letting his office in Glenrothes, Fife out to a brothel chain or something along those lines. Just for the record, Hunters baker in Glenrothes does an awesome fudge doughnut which even Jumping Jack Flash would be chuffed with himself).
He is also infamous for reshuffling his political cabinet, in which all members loyal to Alex McLeish were taken behind Arthur's Seat in Edinburgh and shot at dusk and for banning smoking in Scotland, just because Ireland did and England didn't. Rumour has it that this was also because of that one time he went out on the town in Edinburgh and found a fag-burn on his jeans the next morning.
Category:Scottish politicians
Category:(non)Smokers
Category:Wankers
Category:Cartoon characters
Jack Perkins

Oh, wow! I'm in an Uncyclopedia article! Truly, what a shocker! It is a pleasant surprise to be featured on one of the web's best comedy sites--a website that shows no slowing down in terms of people creating articles. Now, lets discuss, for a second, stuff like Fisher Price. This is truly an enigmatic classic. The words "go eat shit fuckers" could be used as an insult, but instead, is commonly used as a joke among here. Do you truly belong to Uncyclopedia if you don't know go eat shit fuckers? Anyways, lets next talk about kitten huffing. This wondrous activity is a very popular activity to do, why, even as I speak my cohost Jeff is huffing a kitten (I think he's addicted to them), and he's enjoying it a lot. So much so that his wife divorced him over it. She said he got tired of spending time with him and his son, so he started kitten huffing!! Anyways, larter, Tranvit will produce his first Ai-generated article in well over three minutes, if he bothers to first finish the various Lara Croft fanfics that is. Then, later at 7 tonight, enjoy a special presentation of Lawrence of Arabia: Why He is Better Than You. At 9 we will be airing the 4-hour-long documentary of the history of My Dick After Three Bottles of Keg.
Then join us at one o'clock tonight as we discuss the history of the filthy Roblox community as it currently exists. At three o'clock we will be joining Jack Perks (my brother) as he rambles on for 67 hours on why the temporary difficulties soundtrack is the greatest thing of all time. Then join us tomorrow on Tuesday as we discuss LGBT+ themes in Mystery Science Theatre 3000, whom the image above me derives from in the episode "Fugitive Alien". Truly, MST3000 was the greatest comedy show of all time. A fascinating, if odd, blend of science fiction, nihilism, despair, positivity, and religion.
==YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE==
Pardon the screeching, but my neighor's cat was just huffed. (I think he's passing out!!!!) (Someone, get the police!)
 14 AND A HALF MINUTES LATER
And we are back...is he at the hospital...oh, hmhmhmhmhmm, sorry everyone! My cohost Jeff got supremely high and started twitching on the floor like those mouth breathers do on a regular basis. Truly, this signifies teh deep existentialist idea that life is superbally meaningless and we must make our own values. Truly, what a thoughtful, delicate, and careful answer.
===WHat about cohost Jeff?===
That deserves a thoughtful answer.
===What about the fact that this article is unfinished?===
I'm sure ColonelKurtz will go back and finish this at some point.
Category:Articles about a person written in the style of that person
Category:Rambling
Jack Reacher

Jack 'nothing' Reacher is the man. He could take on a group of 12 grown armed men with a pool cue and escape unscathed. He is known to drift the waters surrounding America. He was last seen in the Atlantic Ocean smoking forged $100 bills with Peter Griffin.
= The Author =
Ten second Jack, as he is known to most of his girlfriends, was a masterpiece of the cool but sexy author, Lee Child-Persuader. Lee was born in Zimbabwe, where he learned to, as his name suggests, persuade young children into his large palace. Exactly what happened to the young children in the mansion has been suppressed by Robert Mugabe, and the only facts to be released are that they were definitely persuaded. For this, Lee is considered one of the biggest Zimbabwean heroes of all time, and only turned down Mugabe's offer of knighthood to follow his passion of writing Jack Reacher novels.
= The Man =
Reacher first appeared in Killing Going Down on the Floor, where he went to a nice town called Mygrave. By the time he was done, half the town was buried, the rest burned down. It wasn't his fault, people just went crazy after seeing his 12' 6" muscular build, armed with a Persuader. He has that effect on most people. In fact, generally when people see him, they go emo, attempting to attempt suicide in hope of sparing their lives.
Reacher is a famous apple picker, as he has a long reach. For this reason, he is known to some (including Variety.com) as Jack Reach. This nickname first appeared in The Enemy, where a very mean apple, just out of Reacher's reach reached over Reacher and called him Jack Reach, the apple reacher. This made Reacher angry so he went and got a ladder, and took a big bite out of the nasty apple. This was one of the many exciting apple picking sequences of the book.
= Latest Sightings =
The most recent reports of a Jack Reacher sighting occurred in July 2007 where he was reported seen by Voldemort beating up a group of Death Eaters. Voldemort fled for his life when Reacher turned on him. The Death Eaters have since been reported missing, so this sighting has never been confirmed. However it can be deemed safe to say that the victims had their arses preyed on and will never be seen again.
= The Books =
*Killing Going Down on the Floor
*Try Dying 
*Whipped Tire
*The Sex-Offending Visitor
*Burning Orgasmic Echo
*With a Little Fail
*Child Persuader
*The Enemy
*One (Actually more than one but One has a better ring to it than Several) Shot
*The Not Too Easy But Pretty Difficult Way
*Bad Luck in the Bedroom and Trouble With Getting it Up
It has been reported that the man himself will return back into the public eye in 2008 with Nothing to Lose. We can be certain that when he's back, many more bad guys will be clapped the hell up, and once he's done, Reacher will be drifting where-ever the wind may take him once again.
==See Also==
*Emo
*Child
==External links==
*Child Persuading 101
*Jack Reach on the Big Screen
Category:Books
Jack Turnip

Note: this article is protected by PantsMacKenzie, Sannse, and a pack of Clinjas. ktxs.
Jack Turnip was a time travelling duck from the 87th century who originally came back in time to prevent world war III but was unable to because the time travel followed Bill and Ted/ Twelve Monkeys time travel rules so his attempts to prevent WW III were already part of history even before he went back in time and since WW III happened all his attempt were predestined to fail. 
==Companions==
thumb|left|200px|The Banana of oceania!!!He sometimes travels with a furry killer bunny cyborg which kills people like the rabbit in Monty Python and the Holy Grail. He sometimes comes back in time to have barbies with The Banana of oceania who is a giant australian banana who wears a hat with corks and drink fosters. 
==Time Machine==
 Jack Turnips time machine looks like the A-team van and was originally powered by trumpet soup but later upgraded it to sausages and jellyfish trunks because they are more readily available by planting a magic turnip in the ground and climing the magic turnip stalk up to a cloud where a giant sells sausages and jellyfish trunks. I f his time machine becomes broken Jack Turnip from the future will appear and help Present Jack Turnip repair the time machine and when the time machine is repaired he will use it to go back in time and help himself repair the time machine.
==Death==
Jack Turnip was or should hat be will be trampelled to death by a giant mutant carrot when he travelled back to 2003. Jack Turnip knows the circumstances of his death because it is already a historical event in the 87th century where he comes from but cannot do anything to prevent it. After his death his furry bunny cyborg vowes revenge on all carrots and had them set in jelly and fired into the sun
Category:Uncyclopedia In-Jokes Category:Stuff that lonely men masturbate over
Jackie Stallone

Jacqueline M. "Jackie" Stallone (née Abomination; born November 29, 1921) is an American astrologer, conspiracy theorist and celebrity stalker who is the mother of the Hollywood action film star Sylvester Stallone and ex-wife of the singer Frank Stallone.
== Biography ==
=== Childhood and the Rising ===
Stallone was born in Transylvania, Hertfordshire in November 1346. She had a quiet childhood, feeding on the blood and young of the innocent, and spending the rest of her time hanging upside down from the ceiling or in an unused coffin in the crypt of her house. Over the years, Jackie patiently waited and bided her time until the day came for her resurrection, and integration into society. This day was July 6th, 1943 (which was also conveniently the day of birth of one of her many spawn, Sylvester Stallone). On this day, Jackie rose from the crypt, and struck fear and terror into the hearts of mortals with her evil ways and freakish appearance.
=== Rap Career ===
Jackie is cited as one of the founders of rap music, and was regarded as a hip-hop pioneer in the late 70s and early 80s with her free flowing beats and rhymes. Jackie is also regarded as having coined the phrase "gangsta", and also as having invented gravity. In 1997, Jackie released a collaboration with a whole host of world class rappers, such as Mr T, Flava Flav and Vanilla Ice. The single, entitled 'Yeah, Jackie', entered the charts at Number -1, because it was deemed too good for positive numbers. The track sold over 999,999,999,999 copies on its first day of release, and is the third highest selling song ever, charting just behind Lou Bega's 'Mambo No. 5' and Alien Ant Farm's cover of Michael Jackson's 'Smooth Criminal'.
=== Acting Career ===
Jackie capitalised on her success as a rapper and moved into making films. She starred in a number of films in the late 90's, including 'MILF Party 6', 'Saggy and Slaggy' and a cameo in Steven Spielberg's 'Jurassic Park' as the T-Rex. A number of Jackie's fans were unhappy with her move into movies, but Jackie replied with yet another of her short, witty one-liners, "Fuck you, kid". She later went on to admit, "If it dangles, I'll suck it".
=== Disaster ===
Unfortunately for Jackie, just as her career was beginning to take off, disaster struck. During a holiday in Chernobyl, Ukraine, a meltdown occurred in the nuclear power plant which was adjacent to her hotel room. Fortunately, Jackie escaped unharmed but for severe facial mutation, evidence of which still remains today. For a short period of time, Jackie also had another head on her shoulder, which was due to the amount of radiation she was exposed to in the disaster. This head was surgically removed by Hugh Laurie with the help of a toothbrush, a lighter and a razorblade, and the head later launched his own solo career under the name of Rick Astley. Unfortunately, the world had no place for Rick, and he committed suicide in 2003 by an enormous dose of homosexuality.
==Personal quotes==
==External links==
*Jackie Stallone television appearances
Category:Americans
Category:Astrology
Category:Psychics
Category:Transgender
Jackson

Jackson may refer to: 
*Andrew Jackson
*Bo Jackson
*Jack's son
*Jackson Pollock
*Janet Jackson
*Jermaine Jackson
*Jerry Jackson
*Jesse Jackson
*La Toya Jackson
*Michael Jackson
*Peter Jackson
*Randy Jackson
*Samuel L. Jackson
*Stonewall Jackson
*The Jackson 5
Jackson can also refer to: 
*Jackson's Adventure
*Jacksonville
*Who The Fuck Is Jackson Pollock?
Category:Jacksons
Jainism

Thought to be cognate with Polytheism, Jainism revolves around the worship of G.I. Jane. It is an offshoot of the ancient religion of Tarzanism. When Tarzan met Jane, he was enlightened (as in "Me Tarzan, you Jane") and a violent Jane-ism was born. Ever are the Jains searching for a way to bring back the dead so that they can be killed anew. 
The Jains are also the only world religion to have ever warred against every single religion conceived of on this good green earth.
== Sanitage ==
Due to their rigid beliefs, Jains sweep the ground in front of them with a broom made from the feathers of peacock, and are therefore responsible for all of the road sweeping that occurs in India. If it wasn't for the Jains, India would become very much like Pakistan.
== Hygiene ==
Owing to their non violent way of life, Jain Monks abide by the rule that by avoiding rituals like brushing your teeth & having a bath and abiding by the ritual of wiping off your poop to let it dry fast, one saves lives of few tiny micro organisms & thus achieves eternal Nirvana.
== Naturists & Nudists ==
Jains are considered to be the first organized religion dedicated to the cause of nudism & naturism.
== Analysis of Jainism's role in idea history ==
The spiritual teaching of Jainism is considered to be a bugless version of Buddhism. The fact that Buddhism has become a world religion while Jainism has not spread outside a small group of extremist worshipers is most often explained by the Buddhists' cute orange clothings and more efficient sales organization, which makes the Jains the religious counterpart to Apple computer owners.
== See also ==
* The unselfish saints of India
Category:Religion in India
Category:Vital articles
Jam band

A Jam band is a band (like Phish or Greatful Dead) that's fanbase is built completely of stoners and hippies. They play songs with some improvisation in them so that their jobless obsessed fans can enjoy a slightly different concert every night as they follow the band's tour in a faded old VW bus.
== History ==
Jam bands are a both a genre and a very viable excuse to do acid.
It all starts out when a group of angry forty-something men who both remember the seventies and also remember how much they sucked at life during the seventies get together with their dead parent's instruments and decide to ' rock out'.
the whole 'effort' thing gets old fast, as it turns out,
pot is much easier to do than memorize music,
so, the whole memorizing thing kind of went to hell after 15 minutes.
As it [also] turns out, it doesn't really matter that much if the music is just rambling shit static coming out of instruments when you've just spent the last two hours in a room with seven other idiots and more LSD than st. patrics day at jimmi henrix's house.
so, they decided not to remember anything. and thus, jam bands were birthed by the disgruntled youth of the seventies.
==So you want to make your own Jam band==
So, you've had a few drinks, huffed a few kittens , snuffed a few *insert drug slang word*s,
hey, and you never noticed that your dad had a guitar before...
hey, why not join the infinite sad uselessness that is jam bandom?
Well, you'll need a few things to get started...
*Some instruments: They should be broken or poorly tuned, all the cooler.
*A fat guy with long hair: He is an asset. He doesn't even have to play an instrument. Stoner audiences eat up fat guys with long hair. longer the better.
*Musical talent: This is optional.
*A thousand slang words for the same kind of drug: Call it shit, call it smack, call it bunt cake for all I care, just be sure it's in every verse of your songs.
*An angry guy who thinks that he can sing but really can't: another asset of the jam community. Try naming him 'Blade', 'Flash' or 'Zak Starstosky.'
*People's hot , stoned moms.- always a plus.
So now you've gathered up all you need to make your jam band. I'll see you in about thirty seconds
after you've fallen down the stairs.
==Symptoms of Listening to/Forming a Jam Bands==
The symptoms of listening to and/or forming jam bands are very acurate and can possibly kill you. They include:
*Taking too much LSD
*Wanting to save the rain forest by hugging/humping it real hard (if you like Boner Bono and/or Dora the Explorer)
*Taking all of your clothes off in public wanting to have sex. Sure hope that you're balls don't shrink.
*No talent at all
*Loving things that's all cute
*Loving things that's al gay
*Loving things that's all cute and gay
*Being afraid of ausome music and moderately scary movies. See Heavy Metal for that
*IQ Points decreasing which turns you and your articles on Uncyclopedia stubs
*Fucking a tree
*Watching Woodstock over and over again all the time
These symptom's may not exist according to "talented" Jam musicians, but those are lies, since they get them a lot.
James (bond)

James is a bond from Manchester, England. No one out of England has ever heard of 'em. Their frontman is Daniel Craig, but he's about to be replaced by the chick from Skunk Anansie. They are such a small band, they don't even deserve the title "band". James had many hits in England including "Sit Down" & "Tomorrow". Their biggest "hit" in America is "Laid". Their biggest hit in Japan is "We're Gonna Miss Ya". They also hit the President of Bolivia once, if that counts at all.
One of their more recent albums is called Hey, M, and it caused some controversy in America. The album's cover was so outrageous that the Americans changed their name on the cover to "Jeremy":
==History==
James are the first Bond ever who is a group of several different men. Their Bond girl is a Vietnamese teenager called Gang Bong. If Daniel doesn't get his salary raise next year, there will be a brand new girl at the end of the world, named Grace, whom Daniel will have to save.
If you didn't catch any of the humour of the last sentence, then you only know James up until the Millionaires album or the Best Of album.
==Members==
The members of James are one of the most secretive secrets of the British Kingdom. Currently the members consist of one very cocky member (pictured), plus a couple of ballsy ones. For their next album, however, James will have to settle for a black pussy.
==Discography==
===My favourite songs===
*Fine
*Gone Too Far
*Crash
===My favourite David Cronenberg movie===
*also Crash
==Thanks so much==
...for reading my James article. Hope you enjoyed it!
Category:James Bond
Category:Pages that look like the things they're about
Category:Imaginary People
Category:Things that may be out to get you
Category:Britpop
Category:Intentionally Bad
James Abbott McNeill Whistler

James Abbott McNeill Whistler (July 10, 1834 — July 17, 1903), a famous painter and military brat, was known to trade witty barbs with his dainty friend Oscar Wilde. No, really, he was. 
== Here Be Youth ==
As a schoolboy Whistler was male, and continued on in that fashion for much of his life. A travelled youngster, he learned French in Russia, Swedish in Belgium, and Home Economics in Upper Silesia. He was the first person to prove that violets are not in fact blue, but more of a purply lavender colour. This did not help him get laid, though it did provide him with ample time to spend with his mother.
A lonely child, Whistler did not travel back in time in order to participate in the American Civil War and confuse Han Dynasty Chinese by showing them digital watches, which, as this was the fashion at the time, only served to further increase his isolation.
== Here Be Art ==
Whistler’s career started when he was commissioned to do a portrait of your mom for use in the 2000&1 Rowan Atkinson – Sperm Whale blockbuster Bean Flipper. Upon seeing the film and discovering that his name was listed in the credits as Dandy Fop, Whistler sued the studio for $1,000,070,000 for “breech of trust”, but eventually had to settle for a farthing and a souvenir bankruptcy note.
Other paintings from this time include Cracka’, The Pathos of John Gielgud’s Left Thigh Considered as a Composition in Acrylic Mauve, and The Godfather part III, which he later pawned in order to fund his lozenge addiction.
== Here Be Dragons ==
A combative figure, Whistler described the illustrated Parisian newspaper Le Charivari as “a rag”, the critic John Ruskin as “a cunt”, the Prince of Wales as “a stream of bat's piss”, and the colour blue as “fucking rubbish”.
Accounts of Whistler’s death vary, though significantly none of them were given by himself. He was probably either eaten by a dragon or by Jack the Ripper.
== Here Be Dragoons ==
Whistler may have been homosexual. The evidence for this is that:
*He was born in America, but chose to live in France.
*He used to engage in threesomes with the Twa Corbies
*He did artsy stuff like painting and casting plaster phalluses from famous marble statues.
*He had a moustache.
*He was a friend of Oscar Wilde.
== Whistling ==
In one of those freaky coincidences so strange they are almost beyond belief, Whistler actually invented a way to create a piercing, variable sound by blowing through puckered lips. Those puckered lips were what won his friendship with Oscar Wilde, as detailed in "Rouge Enclaves: The Life and Loves of Oscar Wilde", that contained much content of Whistler and George Bernard Shaw, who was also known for being 'witty'. The activity could also be used to create music, if one was so inclined. The technique was called "McNeilling," and was soon transformed from a mere hobby to the multi-billion dollar industry it is today.
Category:American artists