Dafydd Bond Films

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The Dafydd Bond films are a very successful series of films based on a Welsh Spy (no imitations whatsoever) and include the characters of Mmmmmm...., Miss Moneyfanny and Snooker Q.
Film Title 	Year of Release	Budget 	Box Office Profit	Short Summary
Dr. No Don’t Touch Me There 	1962 	£1.50 	Millions 	Bond is captured by Dr. No who wants to rape Bond but when he finds out Bond has no balls (literally) he let's him go but he doesn't get away scot free he has his penis chopped off by the doctor.
She Thrush With Love 	1963 	£2.00 	£18,000,000 	Unknown.
Coldfinger 	1964 	£10.98 	£125,000,000 	Unknown.
Swollen Balls 	1965 	£126 	£198,000,000 	Dafydd is kicked in the balls while the villain tries to make his escape.
You Only Get Laid Twice 	1967 	£1300 	£20,000,000 	Unknown.
On Her Majesty’s Secret Cervix 	1969 	£4000 	£61,000,000 	MI6 discover that there is a plot to kidnap the queen so Dafydd is spent to protect her, only to discover he may have met his true love...
Dafydd In The Heather 	1971 	£18,000 	£16,000,000 	Dafydd makes out with a woman named Heather, which gives his arch enemy free reign to take over Las Vegas and launche a diamond encrusted satellite.
Lick And Let Her Cry 	1973 	£25,000 	£125,000,000 	Unknown.
The Man With The Golden Thunderballs 	1974 	£126,000 	£15,000,000 	A secret organisation steals a suicide bombers rucksack which they will detonate in a major city across the world unless the wealthiest man in the world hands over his golden balls...Dafydd is assigned to the case!
The Spy Who Got Anally Raped By Ernest Jawdick Blowjob	1977 	£150,000 	£126,000,000 	All that is known of this movie is that Ernest Jawdick Blowjob will appear and that Dafydd will end up losing his nose, rectum, and face.
Moonraper 	1979 	£226,000 	£19,000,001 	Bond has to stop another evil man from trying to fulfill his lifelong dream of raping the Moon while trying to pay off his student loan he succeeds in stopping him but because of a knife blow to the genitalia he has to have his second bollock removed
For Your Thighs Only 	1981 	£145,000 	£129,000,000 	Dafydd has to protect a woman’s legs from an international criminal organisation.
Hairypussy 	1983 	£130,000 	£145,000,000 	Dafydd gets more than he bargained for when he goes undercover to protect a woman from a smuggling racket.
A Few On The Pill 	1985 	£1,000,000 	£130,000,000 	Dafydd discovers plans to detonate a bomb in vicinity of a contraception-making factory which will leave all his lovers with no contraceptive pills. Can Dafydd save the day?
The Live Rapelights 	1987 	£26,000 	£34,000,000 	Unknown.
License To Say Never 	1989 	£88,000 	£165,000,000 	Bond is about to get promoted to getting a license to say never to Mmmmm..... whenever he wants but is called on an emergency mission to stop an evil man trying to infiltrate MI-20 headquarters, he succeeds but has a bazooka bomb fired at his left arse cheek by one of his henchmen and his arse cheek has to be removed
Goldenpussy 	1995 	£126,000 	£15,000,000 	Bond must stop an evil man who is trying to take over the world. The man has a goldenpussy which he likes to stroke quite often. Bond succeeds but has to have a bollock removed because of a dodgy laser experiment.
Tracy Never Cries 	1997 	£500,000 	£786,000,000 	Unknown.
The Womb Is Not Enough 	1999 	£226,000 	£19,000,001 	Unknown.
Die Another Gay 	2002 	£999,000,000	£10.95 	Bond travels to the 60's where Winston Church-Hitler (The spawn of Winston and Adolf) makes all the women have moustaches and grow arm pit hair!, So that in his words the world would have a better future.
Cassie’s Boil 	2006 	123,000,000 	£180,000,000 	While working undercover at a Las Vagas Casino to stop terrorists using their winnings to bankroll attacks, Dafydd gets laid with a waitress who it turns out is suffering from Genital Boils.
Quantum Of Orifice 	2008 	£36,000,000 	£98.50 	Dafydd spend the entire film trying to track down the mysterious organisation Quantum who raped and murdered his wife and violated one of his personal orifices.
==Below is the cast member listing of the respectable films.==
===Primary Cast & Box Office Receipts===
The cast for License was revealed on the 6th January 2009.
 	Golden 	Moonraper 	Dr. No 	Licence
Dafydd Bond<BR>Huw Ceredig 	X 	X 	X 	X
Mmmmmm....<BR>Judi Dench 	X 	X 	X 	X
Miss Moneyfanny<BR>Billie Piper 	X 	X 	X 	X
Snooker Q<BR>Robert De Niro 	X 	X 	X 	X
Mr. Jones(The Evil Man)<BR>Alan Carr 	X 	 	 	
Mr. Llewelyn(The Moonraper)<BR>Graham Norton 	 	X 	 	
Dr. No (The gay evil one)<BR>Kenneth Williams	 	 	X 	
Dr. No Jr.(The gay evil son)<BR>Tom Cruise 	 	 	 	X
Dafydd Bond's Wife<BR>Ruth Madoc 	X 	X 	 	
Pamela Anderson 	 	 	X 	
Heather Mills McCuntney 	 	 	 	X
Budget 	£26,000 	£16,000 	£6,000 	£600
Welsh B.O. 	£200,000	£220,000 	£1,604,947	£4,647,321
UK B.O. 	£175,000	£200,000 	£1,580,999	£2,649,358
American B.O. 	£299.99 	£An Insult	£684,586 	£287.34
===Secondary Cast===
====Goldenpussy====
*Agent 004 - Bruce Forsyth
*Young Agent 004 - Henry VIII
====Moonraper====
*Franny G. Rape - Meg Griffin
*Agent 002.6 - Terry Wogan
*Agent 002.7 - Mr. Bean
*Agent 002.8 - Eminem
*Richard Branson - Dick Branssonn
====Dr. No Don't Touch Me There====
*Agent 018 - Margaret Thatcher
*Agent 018's Bitch - David Cameron
*Shit Millennium Stadium Singer - Charlotte Church
====License To Say Never====
The cast for this film was revealed on the 6th January 2009:
*Agent 001 - Tom Jones
*Love Mistress - Mary Whitehouse
*Sidney Poker - Gordon Brown
*Dafydd Bond's Child - Bernard Manning (Cameo)
*Clitoris Speaker - Kelsey Grammar (Cameo)
=Critical Reception=
These are the accolades received for each film:
==Goldenpussy==
*
*
==Moonraper==
*
*
==Dr. No Don't Touch Me There==
*
*
==License To Say Never==
*
*
*
Category: UnFilm