I have been blessed

I sit up straight, my teeth are aligned, my dog isn't sick anymore, I have inboxes on several social medias full of women begging me for attention, my bank account is overflowing, and doctors have been flooding my voicemail asking me if they can inspect my brain due to my genius. Before I purchased this SSD, my life was in shambles. I was about to flop out of my job because they believed I wasn't capable enough to do their mindless work (I literally just stack boxes), my dog was sick and the vet had told me they needed to do numerous tests on her, I had an egregious hunch, I was obese, I smelled like old sticky grease, my gf(ex) cheated on me then dumped me through text, and I was about to be kicked out my parent's house. What made me want to purchase this was a round of Rainbow Six. I was playing casual, complaining about my teammates (even though it was casual) when they made fun of my load times. I figured it wasn't urgent because I didn't know what was wrong with my pc; I thought it worked just fine. This was until they started spamming "ssd" while I was trashing their casual match strategies. Being the degenerate I once was, I had let my insecurities get the best of me. I alt-tabbed and crashed my r6, but it's okay it was just casual. Anyway, I alt-tabbed and searched what an ssd was. I looked decently deep into it and found this product. I figured $200 isn't so bad so I bought it. Instantly, I feel something has changed. Like the universe did a complete 180 on my life and decided I wouldn't be thrown to waste. My bones rattled and my feet began to separate from the floor. The instant the network recognized my phone ordered this product, the course of history (more importantly my history) was forever changed. I'm not sure what happened outside of the sensation of my body separating from gravity because my eyes were forced shut. However, when I could see again, everything was still. The soft hum of my pc fans was still present, my fan was still blowing air, the birds still chirping, yet I felt... indescribably invigorated. Like I was at a complete balance in my life. Without a second thought I fell from this floating position and stood straight. I looked in the mirror and decided there was change for me in the future. I bought a gym membership and biked there according to a schedule. Within the week, the SSD arrived and I had already made significant progress in my physique and social life. I showered normally, ate better, dressed cleaner, smelled great, and my teeth were straight. Perfectly straight, for no reason at all. On top of this, after my floating incident, I found my dog energetic and happy. No longer was she sleeping all day unable to get up by herself. She was happy and healthy. So healthy we had done a 4 mile jog just before the SSD arrived. I met the mailman and he complimented my appearance, and I returned the favor. Once I had flung the package from the device, I had nothing else in mind except to get this thingy mabob into my pc. I tore off my graphics card and jammed it in then used a screw from the internals of my crappy xbox controller to secure it. Shoving the graphics card back in was the technically hardest part because the entire process was so f'n easy!!! Once my hdd was cloned onto the ssd, it was set. I booted it through the ssd and everything went dark. I couldn't see again, but my eyes were open. I "awoke" in a dark and muddy cave. I'm not sure how the transition happened, but nevertheless I was there and that's all I should have been paying attention to. I noticed that I wasn't sitting in my chair anymore, I was standing on a little clearing of rock with a mud pond around me. I turn to my back and see a man lit by a crevice in the ceiling standing about 20 feet away from me in this small clearing. I approach him with caution, but I trust my decision as I had known deep within me that he was the one who had chosen this path for me. As I grew near, he asked me "Why did you take so long?" Without leaving me a second to register his words, I felt like I was sucked through a cosmic tube and teleported back into my chair. It left me startled, but then wondering... why didn't I just get an ssd sooner? The following week I told my managers I would be quitting. With my newly-upgraded pc, I invested in crypto and overnight I made millions. I have no need for "load times" anymore. How amusing it is just thinking about it. Imagine having to wait for a game to start. That is unless someone else in the game has an hdd. Next time you find yourself waiting on some skrub to load into a game, make sure to mock him based on his hardware.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Copypasta
Category:Wall of Text
Category:COMPUTERS AND INTERWEBZ