Jesse Pinkman.exe

I just want to start off by saying if you want an answer at the end, prepare to be hard. Because there is one...
I was an intern at AMC Studios for over a year in 2069 for my degree in pornography. It wasn't paid of course, most porn internships aren't, but it did have some perks beyond education. To adults my dick might not seem like a big one, but most women at the time would wet themselves over it.
Now, since I worked directly with the editors and directors because of course I do, I got to view the new episodes days before they aired. I'm special like that. They had very recently made the El Camino movie and the entire staff was maybe perhaps possibly could be should be would be somewhat sapped of creativity so it took them longer to start up the 5th season of Better Call Saul. But the delay lasted longer than Skelo making MGS1 Permadeath for more upsetting reasons. There was a problem with the series 5 premiere that set everyone and everything back for several decades. Yes I know El Camino came after Breaking Bad season 5 so shut the fuck up.
Me and two other interns were in the editing room along with the lead directors and sound editors for the final cut. We received the copy that was supposed to be "Ozymandius" and gathered around the screen to watch. Now, given that it isn't final yet animators often put up a mock title card, sort of an inside joke for us, with phony, often times lewd titles, such as "Zobria and Zobrear's mom's big succulent juicy mommy milkers xXx (18+) (GRAPHIC) (GONE SEXUAL) (GONE WRONG) (GONE GIRL (2014) 'Starring Ben Affleck'))" instead of "Grilled" when Walter White and Jesse Pinkman face off against Tuco Salamanca. Nothing particularly sexy but work related moans. So when we saw the title card "Jesse Pinkman.exe" we didn't think it more than a Mutaharian Mutagasm inside joke.
One of the interns, my buddy and fellow E-Man: Ivanka, did a small throat gargle at it. The happy-go-lucky Breaking Bad soundtrack by Dave Porter plays as is normal. The story began with Jesse Pinkman practicing in Resident Evil 6 Mercenaries, dying a few times like normal. We hear Walter White and Skyler White having anal penetration dictation outside. 
"Skyler, I'm gonna cook you up a new baby real quick, Skyler." Exclaims Walter White.
"[Breathing Heavily] Ooohhhh OHhhhh Walt... WALT... OHH WALT... OHH GOODDD..." Skyler moaned back.
Walter Jr. scuttles into frame, "Can you two stop fucking and make me some damn breakfast?" 
Jesse Pinkman finally snaps. He pops out his glory hole window and shouts.
"Yo Mr. White!" Jesse Pinkman exclaims.
"Yes, Jesse?" Walter White replies back.
"I need to practice for the Re6 tournament, bitch! Keep it on the down low, bitch!" Jesse Pinkman yells.
"Sure thing, Jesse. uWu." Walter White jizzed back, the jizz hitting Jesse Pinkman's left eyeball.
"Agh what the fuck Mr. White?! Aim better you old bitch!" 
The Breaking Bad intro plays - Benehnahhh benaaaaaahhh naaahh neaaaaahh... benenah beeeeehhhhneeeeehhhhhh - and we see the ending of Jesse's tournament. This is when things began to seem off. THIS IS WHEN SHIT SEEMS OFF. Not the weird plot, not the graphic sexual intercourse, THIS is what makes it weird.
While playing, a few frames repeat themselves, but the sound doesn't (at this point sound is synced up with animation, so, yes, that's not common) but when he stops playing, the sound finishes as if the skip never happened. There is slight moaning in the crowd before they begin to masturbate on him. Not normal cartoon meat beating that is common in the show, but you could very clearly hear raw hornyness in it. Jesse's in full frame and looks visibly afraid of how tiny all the Re6 enthusiasts' penises are. The shot goes to the crowd, with Walter in center frame, and he too is beating his 50 years old wrinkly meat, very much like him.
"Jesse why did you play as School Girl Costume Sherry? The optimal character would be to play Shirtless Chris. The man has a rocket launcher for crying out loud!" Yelled Mike Ehrmentraut.
"Besser." Yelled Dike Ehrmenclout.
That isn't the horniest thing, though. What is horny is everyone had hyper realistic bloodshot eyes. Very detailed. The pupils were red. I looked at Ivanka, obviously confused, but since we weren't the writers, we didn't question its appeal to children yet. 
"What the fuck are we watching, Bongu?" Said Ivanka.
"Eeeeeee I don't know bruh." I said back. We continued watching.
The shot goes to Jesse sitting on the edge of his king sized master bed, looking very forlorn. So basically he looks like how he always does when bad shit happens to him. Literally just how he always is since his life fucking sucks. Thanks Walter.
The view out of his glory hole window is of a night sky so it isn't very long after the E-Sports tournament. The unsettling part is at this point there is sound. Literally sound is playing. Even the feedback from the speakers in the room. It's as if the speakers were turned on, though their status showed them working like shit. But then the most unsettling part happened, 'Ice Demon' by Kevin Macleod started playing. He just sat there, blinking, in this silence for about 496.2 seconds, then he started to sob softly. He put his hands (hands) over his eyes and cried quietly for a full 42 minutes more, all the while a sound in the background very slowly growing from nothing to barely audible. It sounded like a slight whisper through a forest.
The whisper whispered, "Eeeeeeeeeeeee."
"Eeeee what the hell?!" I exclaimed. "Why am I in the creepypasta eeeeeeee?!"
The screen slowly begins to zoom in on his face. By slow I mean it's only noticeable if you look at shots 798,215.01 seconds apart side by side. His sobbing gets louder, more full of hurt and anger. By the way I forgot to mention he lost against the [Big_Dicked_Weeb] clan. 
The screen then Twitch.tv'es a bit, as if it does the twist on itself, for a split second then back to normal. The moan-through-the-trees sound gets slowly louder and more severe, as if a hardcore snuff porno is brewing somewhere. The EErie part is this sound, and Jesse's sobbing, sounded real, as if the sound wasn't coming from the speakers but as if the speakers were holes (0.0) the sound was coming through from the other side. As good as sound as the studio likes to have, they don't purchase the equipment to be that good to produce sound of that quality. Even though we're fucking AMC we have absolutely dogshit equipment somehow. 'Aftermath' by Kevin Macleod starts playing. Ok this was NOT normal porn for normal people.
Below the sound of the moaning and sobbing, very faint, something sounded like... Zobrear? It came at odd intervals and never lasted more than a second so you had a hard time pinning it (we watched this anime twice, so pardon me if things sound too specific but I've had time to think about them). After 87.2 seconds of this, the screen blurred and twitched violently and something flashed over the screen, as if a single frame was replaced.
The lead animation editor paused and rewound frame by frame. What we saw was quite disturbing. It was a still photo of KERLUNKUS "Creator of Haunted Gaming: Revisited".
He couldn't have been more than 20 years old. His face was mangled and bloodied. And what I meant by mangled I mean he's literally just Mangle from FNaF 2. He also had hyper realistic eyes. KERLUNKUS copyright 2069 (Mutahar Anas Jr. II) was laying on some pavement that was probably a road. Probably. I don't actually know what roads look like since I never go outside since I'm a gamer.
The most immaculate part was that there was a shadow of the photographer. There was no crime tape, no evidence tags, markers, time frame, aspect ratio, instructions, original recipe, ShutterStock watermark, or the AMC logo. Wait. Is that Skelo's footage of RE3Make?! Oh and the angle was completely off for a shot designed to be evidence. It would seem the photographer was the person responsible for HOWARD HAMLIN OF HHM KERLUNKUS (John McCain)'s death. We were of course mortyfied, but pressed on, hoping that it was just a sexy joke.
"Dad?" Said the Kerl of the Unkus
The screen flipped back to Jesse, still sobbing, louder than before, and half body in frame. 
There was now what appeard to be... oh god... OHH GOOODDD.... crimson red rojo blood running down his face from his eyes. The blood was also done in a hyper realistic style, looking as if you touched it you'd get menstrual blood on your fingers. Jesse pulls out his Nokia and facetimes Walter.
"Yo. Mr. White." Sobbed Jesse Pinkman
"Jesse what is it Jesse?" 
Jesse hangs up and breaks the Nokia N Gage.
The moaning sounded now as if it were that of a Gale Boetticher blowing through the forest; there were even snapping sounds of branches. The Eeeeees, a deep baritone, lasting at longer intervals and coming more frequently. After about 27.986102 seconds, the screen again twisted and showed a single frame photo.
The editor was reluctant to go back, we all were, but he knew he had to. This time the photo was that of what appeared to be... Ethan Zobrear? 
He was laying on his stomach, his craptop in a pool of hyper realistic blood next to him. Machinima Director, Ethan Zobrear's left eye was too popped out and popped also popped and possibly popped out into popping of popcorn popping cornius popcorn read pop, naked except for the fact that was fully clothed. ZOBREARyt (Ethan Zobrear, Machinima Director)'s graphic cards were piled on top of him above another crude cut along his back. Again the body was on the street and the photographer's shadow was visible, very similar in size and shape to the first. 
"I love saying [REDACTED]er on a daily basis." Said ZOBREARyt2006 (Ethan "Girth of Medan" Zobrear, Machinima Director & Founder of EB Games)
I had to choke back my hot breaf and one intern, Ivanka the only female in the room, ran out. 
"Oh hell naaaaaaooooaaaahhhh." Yelled Ivanka.
"Why am I here?" Said Steve Blum.
"Steve Blum?! Eeeee my idol?!"
"Ayo what the fuck?" Said Christian Bale.
The show resumed.
About 1998 seconds after this second photo played, Jesse went silent, as did all sound, like it was when this scene started even though we established that the sound was working perfectly from the start. He put his hands down and his eyes were now done in hyper realism like the others were in the beginning of this book. They were bleeding, bloodshot, bloody, releasing red liquid, excrementing rojo agua. He just stared at the screen, as if watching the viewer. 
After about 1.982046592703 seconds, he started sobbing, this time not covering his eyes. The sound was as loud as the Chinese earrape. For those who don't know how the Chinese earrape goes it sounds a little like this: 我的名字是沃尔特哈特威尔怀特。我住在三哦八内格拉阿罗约巷阿尔伯克基新墨西哥州八七一哦四。
And the most fear inducing of all is his sobbing was mixed with moaning.
"This shit weak. I Better call Saul." I eeeed.
"Hi, I'm Saul Goodman. Did you know you have rights?"
"Eeeee?..."
"Kid what are you calling me for?"
I hung up and continued watching.
Tears and hyper realistic crimson red rojo #ff0c0c blüüd were dripping down his face at a heavy rate. The Eeeeeeing sound came back, and so did the deep voiced moaning of ZOBREARyt (Ethan "Girth of Medan" Zobrear, Machinima Director & Founder of EB Games & Rejected Sopranos Mafia Employee & Faculty), and this time the still photo lasted for a good 1738 frames.
The animator was able to stop it on the 1849th and backed up. This time the photo was of Abraham "3A7" Jackson in his iconic pose, but this time the scene was different. 
The weird arm shield was just being pulled out from a shoulder wound by a large sweaty hand, the right eye popped and dangling, blood trickling down it. Kind of like the game over screen from FNaF 1. The animator proceeded. It was hard to jack off too, but the next one was different but we couldn't tell what. He went on to the next, same thing. He went back to the 2025th and played them quicker and I lost it. I splooged on the floor, the animating and sound editors gasping at the screen. The 264850249.7 frames were not as if they were 264850249.7 different photos, they were played out as if they were frames from a video. We saw the hand slowly lift out the Red Chrome Samurai Edge Handgun equipped with a Suppressor and Sniper Scope, we saw Abraham Johnson's eeeyes focus on it, we even saw two frames of ABRAHAM "3A7" JACKSON (D.C. Douglass)'s eyes beginning to roll back in pure satisfaction from the fact that his weapons that cause eye straining are being taken away.
The lead sound editor told us to pull out, he had to call in the creator to see this. Vince Gilligan arrived within about 308.87104 hours. He was confused as to why he was called down there (down as in the fourth episode of the second season of Breaking Bad titled "Down"), so the editor just continued the novel. Once the few frames were shown, all moaning, all sound again stopped. Jesse was just staring at the viewer, full frame of the face, for about 144360720108014402160 seconds. 
The shot quickly panned out and that deep voice said "Dew it" and we see in Jesse's hands a Pack-a-Punched SMR.
He immediately puts the SM1L3R in his mouth and pulls the trigger. Obviously it misses because the SMR is just that much of piece of shit gun. He fires 69 more times and the 73rd bullet finally hits. Realistic blood, brain matter, and intestines splatters the wall behind him, and his bed, and he flies back with as if he had a magnet connected to him like in the first episode of the fifth season of Breaking Bad titled "Live Free or Die". The last 420 seconds of this episode show his dead corpse on the bed, on his left side, one testicle dangling on what's left of his head above the floor, staring blankly at it. Then the manga ends.
Vince Gilligan is obviously angry at this. He demanded to know WHAT THE HELL?!?!!?? XD XD XD was going on. Most people left the room at this point, so it was just a handful of us to watch it again. Viewing the episode twelve times only served to imprint the entirety of it in my mind and cause me horrible wet dreams. I'm sorry I jizzed.
The only Theorypasta we could think of was the file was edited by someone in the chain from the book writing studio to here. The SOG was called in to analyze when it happened. 
"Hello guys and gals, me Mutahar here." Said the Mutahar 
"Eeeeee a fellow Indian!" I replied back.
"Tase me Muta." Said KYLE (ExtremeLixer).
The a n a l ysis of the file did show it was edited over using Olive Editor. However, the timestamp of it was a mere 5738201749380.47 seconds before we began viewing it. All stripper poles involved was examined for foreign software and hardware as well as glitches, as if the time stamp may have glitched and showed the wrong time, but everything checked out fine. We don't know what happened and to this day Nobody (2021) 'Starring Bob Odenkirk and Christopher Lloyd' does.
There was a Creepy File Investigation due to the nature of the photos, but nothing came of it. No SOG reuploader seen was identified and no clues were gathered from the data involved nor physical clues in the photos. I never believed in unexplainable phenomena before, but now that I have something happen and can't prove anything about it beyond anecdotal evidence, I think thrice about things.
Wait... I recognize the photographer's sweaty hands... no... it can't be! The photographer was.... TSM_ULTRADE "Supreme Photography Master" (www.Twitch.tv/Typikal_Ultrade) @Ultrade Gaming/redtube.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Inside Jokes
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Memes
Category:Crappy ms paint drawings
Category:Look ma, it's one of those creepypasta characters!
Category:I CAN HAZ TRANSLATION?
Category:Hyper-realistic
Category:I WAS AN INTERN AT