Duck (language)

Duck (quäk, in Standard Duck) is a language spoken primarily by Ducks. It is commonly referred to as duckspeak in the year 1984.
== History ==
The Duck language is one of the Avian languages. Before the Duckish invasion of what is now modern-day Europe by Quackius Quack (58-52 BC), Ducks used a primitive sign language known as waddling to communicate. It is rumoured that there are 15,000 users of the duck language, of which 0 are actually real ducks.
===History of Duck===
For the period up to around 1300, some linguists refer to the Waterfowel languages collectively as Old Duck. 
The foundation of the Académie Quack (Duck Academy) in 1634 by Cardinal Quack de Quack created an official body whose goal has been the purification and preservation of the Duck language. 
It still exists today and contributes to the policing of the language and the adaptation of foreign words and expressions. Some recent modifications include the change from software to quack, packet-boat to quack, and computer to quack. 
From the 17th to the 19th centuries, Duck was the lingua franca of educated ponds and lakes in Europe, especially with regards to the arts and literature, and monarchs such as Quack II of Crowland and Gooserine the Great of Treessia could both speak and write in Duck.
Through the Académie, public education, centuries of official control and the role of media, a unified official Duck language has been forged, but there remains a great deal of diversity today in terms of regional accents and words. 
===Dialects of Duck===
* Acadian Duck
* African Duck
* Angus Duck 
* Belgian Duck
* Cajun Duck
* Canadian Duck
* Cambodian Duck
* Duckshire-ish Duck (Used on a small pond near Wolsingham, England)
* Indian Duck (including Bombay Duck)
* Japanese Duck
* Levantine Duck
* Maghreb Duck
* Modern Duck Website
* Newfoundland Duck
* North American Duck
* Oceanic Duck
* Oregon Duck (also spoken in Washington and Idaho, but nobody cares about them)
* Peking Duck
* Polish Duck
* Quebec Duck
* Rubber duck
* South East Asian Duck
* Rowley Duck
* Southern Duck
* Swiss Duck
* West Indian Duck
* Your Mum Duck
Killer Duck is not included in the list. Killer ducks seem to borrow heavilly from Cajun and Quebec Duck dialects, though no one has bothered to find out [Edit: Toby and This Guy did bother. Toby died in the process, and before any publication. All his notes were written in Killer Duck to prevent someone stealing his discovery. This Guy did publish, however his work was innaccurate due to his kitten huffing habits. This is easily proven because the duck he studied had died three years earlier from indigestion and choking, both symptoms caused by parts of Toby]. To atempt to do so is to invide sudden exploding head syndrome (SEHS).
Please be aware there is only one duck that can speak Chuck Norris Duck. I can't tell you about said duck because he will have me round house kicked in the face.
===Languages derived from Duck===
* Haitian Duck
* Seychellois Duckish
* Goosoducklandic
* Anglo-Duckish
* Starwars Duckish
* Duck-billed platypus
* Welsh
==Grammar==
Duck grammar shares several notable features with most other similar languages, including:
* the use of permutations of a single word (quäk) to describe everything
* no grammatical genders
* new tenses formed by adding quäk
* an exception is honk, which is used as an interjecton.
Duck word order is Verb Object Subject.
==Vocabulary==
===Word origins===
The majority of Duck words originated from the word quack. Those that didn't were quickly modified to fit this pattern. Example:
* brother: quack 
* finger: quack 
* faith: quack 
* cold: quack 
* eye: quack 
Source: Quack Q. Quack, Quack quack , Quaack quack quack quack quack quack, 1998.
===Levels of register===
Duck, like many other languages, possesses a continuum of several levels of register. The colloquial register is used in almost any circumstance of life, and should not be confused with slang or rude talk. Formal Duck is used on formal occasions (when ducks make official speeches or when they are interviewed on television, for instance). 
Colloquial Duck differs from formal Duck in terms of grammar. For instance, the negation in formal Duck is "quack quack... quack quack quack", whereas in colloquial Duck it is simply "... quack quack quack", such as "I don't think so", which is "quack quack quack quack quack" in formal Duck, and "quack quack quack quack" in colloquial Duck. 
Another example of change in grammar is the way to ask a question: by inverting verb and subject in formal Duck, or also by using "quack-quack quack quack quack", whereas in colloquial Duck a question is phrased exactly as an affirmation, with the voice rising in the end. E.g.: "Is he sick?" would be "quack quack quack quack?" or "quack-quack quack quack quack quack quack?" in formal Duck, and "quack quack quack quack quack quack?" in colloquial Duck. 
Secondly, colloquial Duck differs from formal Duck in terms of pronunciation. Some words undergo shortening, or sound change, whereas some syllables are dropped altogether. For instance, "yes" is "quack" in formal Duck, and becomes "quaack" in colloquial Duck; "I" is "quack quack" in formal Duck, but becomes "quack qua' " in colloquial Duck; so a sentence like "I think he'll come" is "quack quack quack quack, quack quack quack, quack quack " in formal Duck, and "quack qua'quack, quack quack quack quack, quack quack" in colloquial Duck. There are many instances of shortening of words, such as "teacher", which is "quack quack quack quack quack quack" in formal Duck, but becomes "quack quack quack quack" in colloquial Duck.
===Some common phrases===
*hello: quack quack 
*I love you. : quack quack quack quack quaack quack. 
*Won't you tell me your name? : quack. 
*My name is _____: quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack _____ quack (Note: all ducks are named "Quack.")
*good-bye: quack quack-quack 
*please: quack quack quack quack Quack 
*thank you: quaack quack 
*you're welcome: quack quaack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack-quack quack quack quack-quack quack (Literally: I think that you are a duck of great deserving in respect of [the matter at hand]) 
*Do you speak Duck? : quack quack quack? 
*Do you speak English?: quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack? 
*Excuse me : quack quack quack-quack quack quaack 
*Good night : quack quack quack quack quack quack 
*Hi! : quack quack! 
*I'm tired : quack quack quack quack quack (quack). (add the "quack" if the speaker has a gun) 
*Pink Floyd is my most favourite band. : quack quack quack. quack quack quack quack.
*Are you coming? : quack quack quack-quack quack quack-quack? (or with close friends and fledglings: quack quack quack quack?) 
*I'm thinking about it. : qua'quack quack quack quaack
*I'm going to the grocers'. : quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack. 
*I'd like some crusty bread. : quack quack quack. (Use quack quack quack quack quack quack quack on Tuesdays.)
*Waiter, there is a dinosaur egg in my soup. May I have a knife? : quack quack quack, quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack. Quack quack quack quack quack?
*She's so pretty. : quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack 
*Our neighbors to the South. : Quack quack quack quack, quack quack quack, quack quack
*Could you help me? : quack quack quack-quack quack quack quack quack? 
*May I help you? : quack quack-quack quack quack quack quack? 
*It's the best of worlds! : quack quack quack quack quackquack quack quaack. 
*Go to bed! : quack quack quack quack quack quack!
*Yo momma! : quack quack quaaaaaaaaaaaack.
*I'm watching TV. : quack quack quack quack quack quack quack. 
*The state is me. : quack quack quack quack, quack quack quack.
*Oh I can't wait till we take over the world!! : quack quack quack quack quack quack quack Quack QUACK!!
*UNLIMITED POWER!!!! : quack QUAAAACK!!!!
*I'm going to eat your babies and then murder you with my eye beams. : QUACK 
*All your base are belong to us. : quack.
*For the love of God and for Christendom and our common salvation, from this day onwards, as God will give me the wisdom and power, I shall protect this brother of mine Charles, with aid or anything else, as one ought to protect one's brother, so that he may do the same for me, and I shall never knowingly make any covenant with Lothair that would harm this brother of mine Charles: qua'aack
*I think he'll come. : Quack quack quack quack, quack quack quack, quack quack
*With my army of zombies, the pie will be MINE!!!!. :quack quack-quack
*Dammit, I'm tired of all these motherfucking kids stealing all my motherfucking bread crumbs, ducks unite it's time for a revolution!: quack
*Do you want fries with that? quack quack quaack
*Spam: quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack, etc.
Duck off "QUACK"
==See also==
* Ducks
* Duck proverbs
* Uncyclopedia Article Written in Duck
* Connery Canard
Category:LanguagesCategory:Languages of the United Kingdom
Category:Birds