nyuuzyou/wikis huggingface dataset:
LaserDisc

LaserDiscs are shiny, pizza-like objects of debated origin. They are seldom seen by mortals because of the vast implications that they entail (see:Implications)
==History==
Although their exact origin remains reason for much clamour and debate among scholars, a popular theory states that they were originally invented by Leonardo Da Vinci on his endeavours to produce orthopaedic footwear, whereas others believe it is a sentient lifeform from the Planet Vutabar.
Following the Crash of 19100, LaserDisc technology is currently owned by Discworld.
==Technology==
Production: LaserDiscs are produced by having Godzilla crush small Japanese cars beneath his mighty foot. A vast contingent of midgets is employed in the second stage of production, one of which salvages the newly pressed LaserDisc while the remainder distracts Godzilla and is subsequently eaten (see:Implications)
Structure: Usually, LaserDiscs are available in two varieties, CLV and CAV. CLV, standing for Cute Little Varmint, has gained the upper hand; however, in some circles CAV - or Constantly Aching Vagina retains strong support. Neither format offers any differentation, rather, preference is defined by one's horoscope, blood type, 1337ness, preference for respectively Cave or Treasure and alignment to Uranus.
==Use==
As stated, the initial goal of LaserDisc is believed to be the alleviation of podological ailments; however, the rising popularity of leprosy in middle-age Europe brought his investors to abandon funding. Shortly afterwards, Oliver Cromwell acquired a license and developed an offshoot called LD-ROM. This dreadful weapon was the cause of much casualties in the war between South Asia and South America. Nowadays, the technology is used mostly by Discworld and the Empire of Japan as a means of disrupting national economies (see:Implications)
==Implications==
It is beyond obvious that utilizing such a nefarious technology is not without consequences. A 1962 investigation by the Brotherhood of Nod identified several known implications:
===Economic Collapse===
Because of the enormous cost in using LaserDiscs in one's private home, the purchase of the required equipment usually imposes a financial setback of several years. This is aggravated even more with latest technologies such as Don Perignon 3.14 and Adaptive Perennial Multi-Resistent Panegyric Lambda Encoding being incorporated, for which additional equipment the size of a reasonable aircraft carrier is required. Therefore, utilising Japan's economic leverage to dump copious amounts of Hentai LaserDiscs on foreign soil is usually sufficient for a drastic economic setback, and is partly to blame for the creation of Fourth World Countries.
===Midget Cultivation===
As one LaserDisc requires several hundreds of midgets to be expended, Japan maintains a strong presence on the international midget market. Seeking an end to this situation, particularly nerdy midgets sought to supplant LaserDisc with the introduction of DVD.
==See Also==
*Compact Disc
*DVD-Audio
Category:Science and technology in Japan
Category:Technology
Category:Business
Category:War
es:LaserDisc
Last Page

If you are reading this page, congratulations! You are one of the first people to completely finish reading the whole Uncyclopedia in its entirety. We would like to take this opportunity to thank you for shunning honest work, laughing hysterically at the downfall of children, and most importantly, for clicking on the button authorizing us to physically remove your genitals for sale on eBay. 
Don't remember clicking on that button? Well, that's understood...it is, after all, a long website to endure. Don't worry, though, we made sure to keep all the paperwork in order. The Igor should be knocking on your door momentarily. 
In the meantime we suggest you spend a few moments contemplating the absolute beauty of your moral decay. Most people would have stopped reading when we said that the Pope sanctioned STD's, or when they saw babies referred to as soulless parasites. Not you, though! You saw a picture of the Pope in Hell and laughed your ass off. You read about the joy of kitten huffing and cried tears of joy. For this we salute you!
And now for a few words from our sponsors....
==Uncyclopedia Sponsors==
===Pope Benedict VIXIVVXIIVIXVXV===
"Temp not the little boys, for they will temp you twice..."
===Oprah Winfrey===
"This won't hurt at all, I promise..."
===Sir Dubya===
"The great thing about your freedom is that, well, I control it!"
===Mr T===
"I pity you, bitch! You ain't even no foo!"
===The Letter A===
"A?"
===Genital Warts===
"Hey, I think the chick in the back is eyeing you, man!!!"
= And last, but not least... =
===Oscar Wilde===
"Who, What, Me again??? Go home already, you witless bag of ant droppings!!!"
<H3>The End.....</H3>
Category:Articles about articles
Category:Pages that look like the things they're about
Late last week

Late last week was, some scholars argue, the most important time in the history of the United States of America. So much stuff happened late last week that even a tome of information like the Uncyclopedia can't help but get caught in a backlog of information as a result, which makes the briefness of this article rather ironic. 
==An Era of Nostalgic Memories==
Remember when we all went to that place with the really good drinks on Thursday? Stuff like that was happening ALL OVER THE PLACE late last week.
==Turbulent Upheavals==
Not all of it was real cool. Famed celebrity couple Imelda Marcos and her husband Ricardo Montalban filed for divorce late last week after eleven years of marriage. Famed post-punk band The Beach Boys split up after being together since the early 1970's and launching a successful military campaign against Grenada. 
==Signs of Hope for the Future of Civilization==
But it wasn't all bad. Your next door neighbor's dog finally had her puppies, which means we'll be getting one soon! They DID promise, after all. And late last week, we learned that Janis Ian was going to be a finalist on American Idol this season. This news made everyone very, very proud of Janis, especially after her bout with gonorrhea in 1998 left her unable to sing for so long.
==Aftermath==
Late last week was so eventful, the people at VH1 cancelled their hit television show Best Week Ever, claiming there was "nothing left to do." 
==See Also==
*Yesterday
*This morning
category:Dates
Category:Things Which Did Not Happen In 1927
Later

Later is the point in time when the majority of tasks in the world will finally be completed. This time is likely to be as far in the future as possible.
==Origin of the term==
The term "later" was invented by a large group of fat, lazy people (many of whom were American) who were sick of being nagged by their wives and mothers to complete chores, find jobs etc. These tasks posed a problem for the fat, lazy people because they required movement. The wives and mothers persistently asked for a time when the fat, lazy people would make any effort towards their requests, so a word was invented by the laziness convention of '52 to mean "some time far, far in the future, but I have not yet decided when exactly and I am likely to forget." Only words of up to two syllables were allowed at the laziness convention, so after moving their mouths in random shapes and making various sounds for some time, the word "lay-tur" was decided on.
==Variations of the word==
Like most words, people began to come up with variations of "Later". "Later'o'clock" was occasionally used by people trying to be funny. Internet geeks and MSN-users invented the term "l4t3rz" to use as part of their strange language. People also began to substitute "Later" for inaccurate lengths of time such as "in a minute!!". 
==When is Later?==
Despite the original definition of the word, a group of geeky scientists and long-bearded philosophical types have set about to try and determine when "later" actually is. They have been unsuccessful so far, and some of the geeky scientists have decided that the only way to reach "later" will be to fast-forward the world in some sort of time machine. How this will work exactly, only they know.
==What will happen Later?==
When and if Later is finally reached, the world will suddenly become a much better place. Here are a few examples of events due to take place at this wonderful point in time-
*Thousands of pieces of kids' homework across the globe will be complete
*The U.S. government will start make an effort to combat global warming
*Homes will shine with cleanliness everywhere and people rush to complete their chores
*The population of Earth will seem much more diverse as computer nerds in every town switch off their video games and step, blinking, out into the sunlight
*World leaders will finally review a load of dodgy policies, making their countries better places to live
*Hundreds of lazy fathers will finally find jobs, reducing the number of families in poverty everywhere
*Many people will suddenly seem a lot richer, after they are repaid money they lent out years ago
==See also==
*Never
*Laziness
*Time
*Americans
category:Time
Lateralus

== Origins ==
Lateralus is a term created by the infamous Igloo People of Northern India. Simplified, Lateralus means 'a man or being under the influence of yellow snow crystals'. A Lateralus is blind, temporarily. The particles from the yellow snow, which is often the result of huskies, infultrate the retina of the eye, and simply run a muck inside. They shout slogans of war, as the subject loses sight. However, eventually these particles disintergrate through the eye and into the blood. While eyesight returns slowly, the yellow snow particles rush through the body, causing multiple hernia's. It is estimated that of the 745 recorded cases of Lateralus, 16 people have died. Several people have also had the experience of shitting out their intestines. However, there are some people out there who embrace this condition, in the hope of one day taking control of it. 
== The Huskie People ==
"The Huskie People" is a tribe in the mid-north of India. There once was a time when this tribe was part of the Igloo People race, but were seperated by domestic fighting, and arguments over the eating of dead huskie testicles. Huskie People are renowned around the world for their cross-breeding of humans and huskies, creating either more efficient hunter humans (24% of offspring) or strategic huskies (32%). The remaining 44% die at birth. The intriguing thing about the huskie people is that they purposely put yellow snow crytals in their eyes, in the hope that they survive it, and then become imune. This practice has so far been completely unsuccessful. Hardarka Yurfinglefirf says that they will one day become imune. "One day, we will become imune". 
If you wish to rub your face in yellow snow, call this number or simply piss on some snow. 1800-PISSLIPS
Latin Lover

Latin Lover is a... show. It has sex in it, and it's from South America. It has an average budget of 1.34 and a plastic cup for each episode. It is also perhaps the only show where the sex scenes, instead of making people happy and warm, makes them cry and feel scared. Because there's only 3 of them each episode (or less!) and it's often involving either the world's biggest loser or a disgusting old man. So no one enjoys it. Except for freaks of nature.
== Summary ==
Latin Lover was produced in the 90s and was a source of enjoyment for young boys every Friday and Saturday. Being the only show on TV that showed actual sex seen on regular cable TV.
== Cast ==
*Claudia: The most attractive of the people. She rarely gets naked, thus increasing our anger.
*Rafael: A director who lets his pants choose his main actresses. Because of this, he is an immense procrastinator.
*The Biggest Perverted Loser in the World, or A Loser Deserves Ownage (Abbreviated 'A.L.D.O.'): A man who fantasizes about every girl he sees. Even the ugly ones. And sometimes men. But especially the ugly ones. Despite his many shortcomings, perverted-ness, and loserage and suckassitude, he is never fired from his job, which leads many people to question the sanity of South Americans everywhere. He is also the world's biggest loser, followed very closely by Joe's friend who searches the world for the Ultimate Rush. On a serious note, Enrique Villa, Aldo's portrayer is the muscle stud of the series.
*Renata: The Queen Bitch.
*Lolita: Humbert's ho.
*Samwell: Aforementioned disgusting old man. Despite being one of the ugliest people on the show, he gets more ass than a toilet seat. He also fell in love with his own daughter once. Then again, we can't tell who's his daughter, Deborah or Viviana? He is also the only person uglier than this other person.
*Barbara: Some lady who frequently does it with Samwell. She has no taste because of this.
*Omar: Used to be Claudia's man, but hooked up with Renata afterwards. After a while, he decided that he would descend with Aldo into the business of being a loser. He lives in a dumpster, last we hear of him.
*Deborah: Either a rich woman's daughter or Samwell's.
*Viviana: Either a rich woman's daughter or Samwell's.
*Some Male Prostitute: Works as a plumber in his downtime. He's half-naked all the time, which is more than a little scary. However.... he's thicker and meatier than a Philly cheese steak. :)
*The Secretary: A secretary.
== Reaction ==
The show was praised by fetishists and hick South Americans for having many elements they liked, from incest to pimping. However, it was criticised by the rest of the world for not having enough sex and for having some of the world champions of loserdom starring. It was made by Playboy International, and it is said to be a miserable failure for the company.
Category:SexualityCategory:TastelessCategory:SexCategory:Retards
Latte

Latte from the Greek λάττε meaning 'drink of the chotch'. It is an extremely delicious drink, and is best served with a biscotti, while laughing at the poor. Oi its the Englishmen mate.
=History=
Founded in the mid-19th century as another way to mark oneself as a true gentleman, and bon vivant.
Lattes were commonly known as 'regular,' 'hot,' or 'full body;' and were sold at a Starbucks gentlemen's coffeeshop.
=Latte=
===Ingredients===
A latte is made from:
*One part Espresso
*One part sunshine
*One part disposable income
*capitalist exploitation
*Regular Breast Milk
*Fermented Breast Milk (optional)
*Steamed Milk (optional)
*The eaten half of a McDonald's Cheeseburger (optional)
*crushed hopes and dreams of 3rd class nations
*a chotch (optional)
*a fresh umbilical cord (optional)
(Sugar may also be used.)
Occasionally, some people add chocolate, or other cruel and bizarre flavorings to their latte. These people don't deserve to live, and should be socially segregated and/or murdered. Or have their chotch removed.
===Serving===
Ideally, the latte should be served in the skull of your enemies, but accounting for the modern trend and general impracticality of using skulls as cups you may use a selection from IKEA. Same difference.
Lattes may be put in epipens and injected into thumbs for maximum latte pleasure.
====Food====
Biscotti is the first choice, however after mating a bran muffin will suffice.
===Culture===
Lattes are part of a rich and interesting culture. Make sure the rest of the people in the coffee shop are aware of this when you order. When ordering a latte is is best to use an Italian phrases, even if they don't make sense. This will make you seem very erudite.
Chai lattes are only for clinically ill hippies.
===How to Drink===
Place to mouth. Open mouth. Drink. Self-indulgent laughter. Clean up any premature ejaculant.
===Side Effects===
*Bankruptcy
*Sterility
*Hyperactivity
*Being a douchebag
Category:BeveragesCategory:ArtsCategory:Three Main Weapons of the Spanish Inquisition
Laudium

Laudanum (in the US) AKA Laudium also known as Tincture of Opium AKA "blue troll ass dust" AKA "evening delights" was a wildly popular drug during the Victorian era. It was an opium-based painkiller prescribed for everything from headaches to tuberculosis. Victorian nursemaids even spoon fed the drug to cranky infants, often leading to the untimely deaths of their charges.
==Recreational Use==
Originally, Laudium was thought of as a drug of the working class. As it was cheaper than gin it was not uncommon for blue-collar men and woman to binge on Laudium after a hard week's work. Use of the drug spread rapidly. Doctors of the time prescribed it for almost every aliment. Many upper-class women developed habits. The outbreak of tuberculosis may have been another factor in the drug's rising popularity. For a short period of time the tuberculosis "look" (very pale skin and frequent fainting spells) was quite in vogue. Victorian women went to great lengths to emulate the look, often taking arsenic to pale the skin (slowly poisoning themselves to death).
Laudium's biggest claim to fame however was its use by the romantic poets. Many of the Pre-Raphaelites (Among them Lord Byron, Shelly and others) were known to indulge. The image of the romantic poet, pale, morose, drunk on absinthe and Laudium is a common one. The film Gothic portrays the stereotypical image of that society. In reality, most of the PRB were heavy drinkers first and foremost.
==Making Process==
This excerpt (source unknown) describes the process of making Laudium.
:She got up and went to the cabinet and took out a basketful of withered poppies and set about making Laudium. She picked out the poppy heads one by one, pierced the capsules with a sewing needle and then dropped them into a small glazed crock and set it near the stove for the opium to sweat out.
Afterwards, the extract would be mixed with sugar and/or alcohol to make it easier to drink.
Laudium is probably no longer manufactured anywhere in the world. It's closest modern relative is paragoric, which also is no longer being made.
Several drugs and aesthetic practices serve as archetypes of this era-gone-by. Some are still readily available, others available in certain parts of the world. Work such as was produced under the influence of these has not been seen since. Whether that is attributable to their chemical indulgences or merely their social climate is arguable and perhaps we may never have an answer.
==See also==
*Idiotic Table of the Elements
category:elements
Category:Drugs
Laughter is the best medicine

Laughter is a chemically-synthesised clinical drug which causes whomever who consumes it to experience an overwhelming feeling of euphoria, joy, or insanity. It is frequently reputed to be the best medicine in the world as it has been proven to be effective at combating many forms of illness. 
However, due to the increased levels of sadness and depression in the world, it has been estimated that almost 20% of all people don't get enough Laughter. To help combat this, companies have been selling laughter for the last decade in order to both improve world health, and to develop a substitute for tobacco.
Below are instructions for taking laughter which have been approved by The WHO, The AMA, and Hershall Krustofski.
==Dosage==
Laughter: take one to two doses every three to four minutes. Do not exceed 12 doses in the span of 20 seconds. Pregnant women close to labor and children under the age of 12 should not take unless directed by a clown. Alternatively, one may read Uncyclopedia for their daily dosage of the drug.
==Treatments==
Feelings of depression, sickness, pain, and general stupidity. (See also: Alcohol). 
==Side effects==
===Short-term===
Side effects may include feelings of death, sore faces/ribs, vomiting, urinating, and, in extreme cases, happiness. If you succumb to any of the above symptoms, consult a doctor, mortician or bully as appropriate.
===Long-term===
Long term side effects of regular doses can cause wrinkles, good humor, and an increased lifespan. If you suffer from any of the above, please consult Nivia, another bully, or a murderer as needed.
==Overdose==
In the event of an overdose, ring the emergency authorities immediately. Unlike other poisonous substances, laughter cannot be treated by giving the person more fresh air or inducing vomiting, (indeed, the oxygen in the air may react with the laughter and burn the patient from the inside out). Instead, laughter must be treated by administering a swift painful kick to the groin, preferably given by a friend, or at least someone who knows when to stop kicking.
==WARNING==
Laughter is an addictive substance and long term use can result in dependence. Several agencies have been set up to help people overcome these addictions. Most of these places use other addictive drugs such as marijuana in their treatment and as a result they are the main cause of the 60s.
==Laws of Use==
Recent laws passed by The U.N. have made it illegal to laugh in public places. This has caused a great deal of unemployment for many clowns and comedians, not to mention Uncyclopedians, who have been reduced to begging on streets FURTHER AWAY from the ones they usually beg on (remember: Uncyclopedia is a non-profit website).
Since these laws have been introduced, complaints of the common cold have increased by 3,000,000%. This has prompted many doctors to begin prescribing laughter to many patients for conditions ranging from the cold to lockjaw and cancer.
Category:Medicine
Category:Drugs
Lava

Lava is hot, orange, sticky stuff that occasionally ruins your day. You should never approach lava as it's always very angry and may decide to melt your face off, or any other part of you. As lava is the blood, sweat, and semen of the Earth, touching it may result in the following symptoms; AIDS, rape, disease, puppies, or hypothermia.
Lava is one of the two main ingredients in Hawaiians, therefore, it spends most of its time in Hawaii and makes occasional visits to poor third world countries like Venezuela or Japan just to "give them a spook." There are two main kinds of lava, known by the Hawaiian names a'a'u'u and u'i'a'u'i, which are the noises you make when you tread on them.
Lava is also occasionally used as a sanitizer, contained only by the impenetrable material known as "plastic." This form of lava is usually very bad-tasting and should only be eaten by idiots.
Lava is one of the staple foods of the iguana and Japanese people, and can be safely handled using asbestos gloves, sold at most Hawaiian pet stores. NOTE: Hawaiians are not actually sold at Hawaiian pet stores, but their food and surfboards can commonly be found. The fact that you can't buy Hawaiians legally, but you can buy Hawaiian maintenance products, is analogous to the fact that you can't legally buy weed, but you can buy bongs and crack pipes. These days Hawaiians can be obtained with the help of 2 friends, a fast car, and a thick-woven sack, big enough to fit over a Hawaiian's head and shoulders. Lava is also present in Molten Chocolate Cake, which is a fantastic way to poison someone, as their taste buds will automatically burn up (along with the rest of the tongue), making most poison undetectable.
==Trivia==
* Lava is one of the lead exports of Hawaii, after Pineapples, Prostitutes, and Tsunamis.
* Lava has NOTHING to do with Spídér's Wéb: A Píg's Tálé. Whatever that is.
* Lava production has dropped drastically in the past 8 years, going from a fuck-ton to just a shit-ton.
==See also==
*Magma
Category: Geology