nyuuzyou/wikis huggingface dataset:
John Joseph Caldwell Abbott

==Early Life==
John Abbott, stage name Jennifer Tightbuns, was born in Southern France to his parents, John and John Abbott, who both died of West Nile after his birth. He was forced to live with his dirt farming millionaire uncle, who whipped him daily and only fed him the finest cuts of steak. It was a horrible childhood. He totally sympathized with the working class folk, and despised their Imperial over-lords, who "...just didn't GET IT, man", in his own words. 
==Arrival to Canada==
March 23rd, 1878. He was then elected to the Canadian House of Commons because he beat his opponent, Liberal Paul Martin, in a drinking contest. Seriously he could drink a polar bear under the table, and did so on numerous occasions to the confusion of parliament. 
Results:
John Abbott: 94 Molsons
Paul Martin: 33 Buds
==Prime Mininster==
John Abbott was a great man, seriously I am not kidding. He did more for Canada than anyone can ever truly realize, mostly because all the evidence of this has been destroyed largely due to the fact that it didn't exist in the first place.
==In History==
John Abbott is remembered by all (more specifically by none) as the countries greatest Prime Mininster after John A. Macdonald and between Gordon Lightfoot*. This is seen to be quite an accomplishment. He is on the Canadian $37 bill. 
He is also the father of Roger Abbott, the bald guy off of Royal Canadian Air Farce, the guy who thinks he is Jean Chretien.
*Serious fact-checking needed.
John Scherer/Outrage!/Response

UNCYCLOPEDIA
The content-free encyclopedia that anyone can edit.
Dear Sir,
I am Armand D. Geyman, a major Internet user, downloader of online pornography and the operator of the highly popular IRC channel "TessasFavs", a chat room for discussions relating to actress Tessa Allen's favorite things and hobbies. Due to recent Chrismas turkey-related mishaps occurred to Uncyclopedia.wikia.com's regular legal advisors (with one currently suffering from a severe case of turkey overdose while the other sustaining injuries from a frozen turkey launched from a cannon usually reserved for clowns and stunt actors), I have assumed the privilege to represent the aforementioned website regarding to your allegations against the content as displayed on http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/John_Scherer, which is accused of portraying the CEO and Founder John W. Scherer "in a false and defamatory light". "[S]everal pieces" of said content also purportedly "infringe on Video Professor's intellectual property rights and are being used in violation of the law".
Due to the severity of the above allegations, I consulted several of my colleges, who were subsequently seen passing a print-out of your complaint letter to each other in ecstatic amusement. Since I cannot obtain proper feedback from them as they are still recovering from stomach spasms, I have sought advices from a renowned legal expert, which was also, as it turned out, one of our active website administrators' 4-year-old daughter, who promptly pointed her index finger at a television set displaying an image of Paris Hilton and instantaneously responded with three words, "That's hot!" (Note that the word "is" was abbreviated at the time of pronouncement.)
Additionally, I have researched on subjects relating to your complaints and obtained the following findings:-
#an incriminating photograph picturing the image of a red pair of laced thongs from underneath a skirt worn by a female,
#that your case against Uncyclopedia.wikia.com is weak and will unlikely succeed at a court of law, and
#that the color of an orange is indeed orange.
Since I am not a professional painter or artist, I can only present you my best attempt of illustrating an orange using the "Paint" program that came with my computer. Yes, it seems unsightly but nonetheless gives you a decent perception of the texture and consistency of the actual fruit.
Nothing in this letter should be construed as a waiver, relinquishment or election of rights or remedies by I, Armand D. Geyman, or of Uncyclopedia.wikia.com, which I do not truly represent. Both Uncyclopedia.wikia.com and Mr. Geyman expressly reserve all rights and remedies of drawing poorly constructed images of oranges under all applicable laws. 
Sincerely,
Armand D. Geyman
Your Internet Attorney
Category:Article subpages
John Sparrow David Thompson

Sir John Sparrow David Thompson, KCMG, PC, QC (November 10, 1845 – December 12, 1894), better known as Captain Jack Sparrow, was a Canadian lawyer, judge, politician, sailor, ship's captain and university professor, who served as the fourth Prime Minister of Canada from December 5, 1892 to December 12, 1894, as well as the fifth Premier of Nova Scotia in 1882. He was the first pirate to hold the office of prime minister.
==Early Life==
John Sparrow David Jason Thompson was born Captain Jack Sparrow in the middle of what is now known as the Atlantic Ocean. His adventures upon his ship, The Black Pearl, included epic battles with Davy Jones, Long John Silver, Blackbeard, and many other pirates and faredewells. His exploits with the ladies also earned him high praise and envious looks from his mates, aside from a certain wench from Atlantis. At the age of 30 he moved onto dry land.
==Politics==
Thompson entered politics in 1875, as a MP from a small riding in Ottawa, which happened to be called Ottawa. He was elected Conservative leader, and, in turn, Prime Minister, because the Conservatives were still in power and it did not matter who eas elected he leader of the party they would then be Prime Mininister, understand, huh, do yeah? Good, moving on, after the death of Sir John A. Macdonald and John Abbott. He was worried when elected leader because the previous two had died in office. He was worried that the PMO has a curse and he would die in office as well. He did.
==Prime Minister==
Thompson was Prime Mininster from 1892 until his sudden but entirely predictable death in December of 1894 after being seriously injured at the hands of a swordsman from his early days. As prime mininster he did things. Political things. Many of which are not remembered or even cared about. 
==Death==
Thompson dropped dead on the lap of Queen Victoria in 1894. "Bloody hell... now what balding fatass is going to run the country," was the collective feeling from the Canadian public as he was the third bloody prime minister in four years. 
category:Pirates
Category:Prime Ministers of Canada
Category:People with bird's names
Category:Bat Fuck Insane
Category:Conservapedia
Category:Ineffective Right Wing Propaganda
John Stamos

== Chemistry ==
Atomic Weight: 35.8 secret-amu.
Half-Life: Unknown.
Common Uses: Riding motorcycles and banging supermodels.
== Biography ==
Born in 1200 BC to a tribe of pygmy Greeks, no member of the tribe could lay claim to the man. Not much was known of his early childhood aside from a rapidly developing affinity towards Oscar Wilde and (often spiced) Jedi cocks.
In late 2004, John Stamos' larval stage was completed and he began his onslaught with the media, eventually leading to his time travel and subsequent incitation of World War II.
In early 2006, Stamos famously made the choice of a Jedi tweeker and refused Lindsay Lohan's offer of 3 kilos of cocaine, proclaiming both that "Coke Stamos" was dead and that his new allegiance was to amphetamines. Enraged, Lohan retreated to her spaceship, "Goodbye Kitty." Stamos and the crew of his time-travel vessel pursued her as an Old Republic fleet commenced an assault of its own.
A year after the defeat of Lindsay, Stamos left known space, having remembered the remnants of the ancient Cocaine Empire he had rediscovered as the Dark Lord, also known as the "Coke Stamos". Hoping to put an end to the threat it posed before it could attack, Stamos bade farewell to the nine comrades who had accompanied him on his quests, knowing that none whom he loved could safely accompany him in the places he had to walk. It is also believed by some that he sought exile after the Mandalorian and Pirate-Ninja Wars, thinking that because he brought the cocaine upon the Republic, and then lost control of that power, that was his own personal failure.
And the rest, they say is history.
== Life with the Jenova's Witnesses ==
In the spring of 1985, John was visited by John Cleese, a Jenova's Witness. Stamos is oft-quoted stating: "It was one of the most important moments of my life... I mean... I have a family now."
One month after joining, "The Stamos" slaughtered his entire paternal Greek tribe.
He had massive orgies with the Olsen twins, Bob and Dave. He hated having to kiss Becky saying, "I prefer kissing beards and bushes." Oh, and he was caught more than once trying to seduce Comet.
== The Chocolate Rain Controversy ==
John Stamos claimed that, in early 1983, he actually formulated the Chocolate Rain Cessation Theory completely independent of popular alchemist Tay Zonday. This has been disputed by countless scientists, including the likes of Sir Thomas Shithead and Professor Subtle. To this day, "The Stamos" is unable to provide any evidence.
== Hobbies ==
* Riding motorcycles 
* Snorting amphetamine
* Banging supermodels
* Time Travel
* Alcoholism
* Watching Video Professor infomercials
* Designing interweb advertisements (See image right)
* Watching Billikens Hoops
== Trivia ==
* John Stamos frequently refers to himself as "The Stamos," but other nicknames include:
** the 300th element
** Uncle Jessie
* John Stamos helped invent gin
* John Stamos was the subject of my first nocturnal emission
== See also ==
* Greece
* 300
* Olsen Twins
* Bob Saget
* Bob Faggot
Category:American actors
John Stuart Mill

right|thumb|250px|I mean, what the hell man? How did his hair manage to slump forward over his face and end up under his chin?
John Stuart Mill (20 May 1806 – 8 May 1873) was a well-known Victorian philosopher, economist and civil servant. Please note that well-known does not mean at all competent or well-liked -- far from it. Wordy bastard. He was born on an unnamed putting green in Londonderry, the oldest son of a Scottish whore and philanthropist James "Water" Mill. John Stuart was educated by his father, with the advice and assistance of Trinny and Susannah. He was given an extremely rigorous, some would say harsh, beating twice daily, as part of his education and was deliberately shielded from association with children his own age other than his siblings, for fear that he might infect them with something nasty. He learnt to speak from a small vole, which generally explains why he could not express anything in less than 2000 or so words (voles are notorious bores).
John Stuart's feats as a child were exceptional; at the age of three he could juggle six chainsaws while standing on one toe and whistling 'Dixie'. By the age of eight he had acquired subscriptions to all the popular philosophical magazines of the day, such as The Plato Post, Wittgenstein Weekly and Playboy. He had also read a great deal of history in English and had been taught that Henry VIII was his father (much to their mutual dismay). A deficiency in his upbringing was observed, however, when he became particularly ill on consumption of half a pint of shandy.
A brief summary of his works is, sadly, impossible, given the long-winded and downright ginormous nature of his writing style. However, it is safe to say that at least one philosophy student has committed hari kiri as a direct result of reading one of Mill's great works. 
In 1862 he got into a fist-fight with Immanuel Kant's zombified corpse. He won the fight by punching a hole through the zombie Kant's over-sized cranium, but suffered several internal inuries. He died in Brest, France in 1873 (reportedly of RSI), and is buried under his wife, Margaret Thatcher.
Played sax on Gerry Rafferty's 'Bake Street'
== Writings ==
*(1843) A System of Marble Runs
*(1844) Essays on Some Unsettled Questions of Political Economy (Or How I Learnt To Stop Worrying And Love The Federal Deficit)
*(1848) Principles of Word Economy (a text rich in unintended irony)
*(1859) On Liberty X
*(1861) Sitting on Representative Government
*(1863) Utillytar-yanknism (text written entirely in gibberish)
*(1865) Examinations of Sir William Hamilton's Primary Sexual Characteristics
*(1865) Auguste Comte et Panthera Rosea
*(1867) Inaugural Address at St. Andrews - "You Bloody Scots Should Get Proper Jobs!"
*(1868) The Utilitarian Value of Fool Pitying: Pitying Life Rather Than Following Social Rabbit
*(1869) The Subjection of Totty
*(1873) Autobiography (uncomplete)
*(1874) Three Essays on Religion (posthumously...?)
*(2010) Harry Potter and the Unreadable Book
== See also ==
*Socrates
*Mr T
category:Philosophers
Category:Biographies of Ridiculous Persons
Category:British people
John T. Standley

John T. Standley (born June 6th 1966) is the Pirate Queen of the pharmaceutical tugboat known as the "USS Rite Aid". He is known as the 18-bit moon cap'n, as the moonlight reveals his hideous form to his shipmate shareholders. Despite being thrown overboard (like the sorry thieving scallywag he be) by his right-hand man the non-puppet/totally-a-real-boy Pinocchio Bodaken, he carries on with his mad captainry. 
He is an excellent negotiator. This is why the institutionalized drunkards voted him in. He took a $180 per share offer and saw it lowered to $3.60 with a little help from his spinoff Caribbean moonlight voodoo werebuddies at the FTC and Cerberus Capital Mgmt, who have managed to since make their offer of $3.60 for a $40 stock only shy by, oh, about $2.40 or so. 
He is an excellent planner. When his stock was at 99 cents, he decided to issue a reverse 20-to-1 split to get it above a dollar and it now sits at $6.00 and falling precipitously. That's before you divide by 20, but who likes math? Not John T. Standley. He preferes real money. He likes communicating with shareholders and delivering value.
Captain Standley enjoys long walks on the beach, hanging around where he is clearly unwanted, vandalizing his own Wikipedia article, and collecting increasing bonuses despite his wanton disregard for icebergs and mad voyages to sail off the ends of the earth and render all of his shipmates holding naught but worthless plankton and the hope of a bittersweet death by the rough toothy loving of mermaids.
category:American businesspeoplecategory:Drug Smugglerscategory:Pirates
John Walsh the Manhunt Guy

John Walsh the Manhunt Guy is an American half-hour children's educational criminal comedy television series, which aired on PBS from September 10, 1993 to June 20, 1998 on PBS. Each of the 100 half-hour episodes aims to teach a specific story of a criminal topic, with skits and song parodies are also performed. Cody Marshall had a deep baritone voice in this episode.
==Synopsis==
John Walsh is a manhunt guy with a fedora and a suit and tie, he combines the serious criminal story with skits, fast paced action, and humor. Each show begins with a cold open, where John Walsh introduced today's episode, followed by an opening credit sequence, as Walsh is seen floating through a montage of criminal images. In later episodes, the theme song is cut short by a static screen. After the opening credits, the announcer would say "Brought to you by...", in which a sponsor billboard is related to the episode's topic. Following that, John Walsh would walk on to the set called Walsh Detective Agency, which is filled with crime individuals, including many "of crime time" contraptions announced dramatically, relevant to the topic of the episode. There are several individual segments that are featured in each episode, such as "Way Cool Detectives", which features an expert on the show's topic, "Consider the Criminal", where John discusses a certain aspect of the topic, "Nifty Criminal Experiment", where the audience is shown how to do a criminal experiment relating to the topic, and "Did you solve that...now you know", where an interesting factoid relevant to that episode's topic was presented. Most half-hour episodes contain a mock song parody and music video in the "Soundtracks of Manhunt" by "You Can Make A Difference Records", substituting a criminal roundup for the lyrics to a popular song. This is usually the last segment of each episode. Each half-hour show ends with John saying "Well that's our show, thanks for watching. if you'll excuse me..." before explaining in a clever description of an activity on topic, followed by him saying "See ya!" afterwards. The credits sometimes rolled next to a series of outtakes from the episode.
==Soundtrack==
The show's theme song consisted of a house beat with John's name shouted throughout the duration of the song. The sounds and speed fluctuations of the voice were accomplished through a vocoder and electronic pitch fluctuation. The theme song is credited to Mike Greene and Michael H. Shamberg.
==See also==
*John Walsh
*Bill Nye the Science Guy
*America's Most Wanted
*Bill Nye
Category:American television series
John Zorn presents Famous Great Jews

The question "Who is the Most Famous Jew?" is one that has been debated since 230 B.C., when Jerry Lewis first challenged Albert Einstein for the title. Over many centuries, the discussion became more heated, until in 1067 it exploded into a full fledged interstellar battle royal, which continued until Borat, seeing the havoc wreaked and wishing to prevent further destruction, asked for a decision to made once and for all. The academy, seeing the wisdom in Borat's words, chose John Zorn to be the decider. 
These are indisputably the Most Famous Great Jews of all time. It is safe to assume that any one of them can fight Chuck Norris to a draw. Any Jews that did not make the list were eaten by a Grue.
* (John Zorn has scientifically formulated who qualifies as the most famous Jews using his Amiga. All statistical algorithms, for example: "There is n% chance that I invented the internets", were obtained by The Royal Statistical Society.)
===Why Zorn?===
The wide body of John Zorn is made of a pebbly, stone-like material. He has a large, powerful mouth on top of his head with three long arms, tipped with sharp talons, symmetrically positioned every 120 degrees around him. Between his arms are large, stone-lidded eyes that see in all directions. At his base are three thick, short legs, each directly beneath an eye. His whole body is designed for burrowing, mouth first. These factors were instrumental in his being chosen by the academy to compile the following list of Famous Great Jews.
==The Gallery==
===Comedians===
These Jews are funny. Especially Adorno.
===Journalists===
Sammy Davis writes for the NYTimes. Shatner keeps a log. Sperber was in Mr. Write with Paul Riser and Martin Mull.
===Biblical Jews===
The bible has a reputation for being anti-semitic. But as Noam Chomsky has pointed out, some of the greatest jews in history play a central role in the dead sea scrolls. Larry Fine invented the cheesesteak in Deutoronomy. Andy Kaufman wrote chapter 2. And Phil Spector killed his wife.
===Scientologists===
Judah Maccabee was a Scientologist. Fonzie jumped the Zemu, or Zenu. Kefka was good friends with Elrond Hubbard, and according to Sam Dood, was the founding father of Rivendell.
===Stars of Stage & Screen===
They're too sexy for the catwalk. 
===Orthodontists===
===Tackleberry, Goldthwait and Hightower===
===Jews on Mt. Rushmore===
===And John Zorn's Number 1 Famous Great Jew...===
Runner up: David Lee Roth
==See also==
* John Zorn
* John Zorn's Magical Mystery Tour
* How To: Just Ask Jon Eakes! Kitchen Renovation with a Golem
Category:Judaism
Johnny Cash

Hello, I'm Johnny Cash.
This is the first time ever I'm writing an Uncyclopedia article. In fact, this is the first time ever I'm writing any kind of article at all. Unless you're calling "Folsom Prison Blues" a news flash about the murdering of Michael Stipe... boy, I sure love that song, "All The Way to Reno". Anyway, I'm pretty excited by this, and I hope you are too. After all, this is the first time ever I'm writing something from the grave. It is also the first time ever I'm not dressed in black -- since I'm not going to any funeral anymore.
Since you seem interested, I'm in my blue underwears. This is the first time ever I had to publicly mention my underwears' color.
==Biography==
===Childhood===
thumb|150px|They're just ain't yellow.
This is the first time ever I'm writing an Uncyclopedia paragraph. I should use this occasion to express my deep appreciation towards this website. It's the first time ever someone calls June Carter "whore" and I'm okay with it. I mean, I saw all the kinds of people in my lifetime -- both wonderful and horrible; but it is the first time ever I saw an un-yellow person like the one who categorized your June Carter article. 
So, returning to the paragraph's subject, my childhood. Well, this is the first time ever I'm trying to match an Uncyclopedian text to the paragraph title, and I must say it's pretty hard. All I can say is we didn't have Uncyclopedia paragraphs when we were growing up. I'm moving on to the next one.
===Manhood===
This is the first time ever I'm publicly talking about my manhood. I know several performers these days use their manhood regularly during shows, most notably Mike Patton. But personally, I never thought it was necessary.
==The end==
I must say I had a great time writing this article. I don't like long articles so I'm keeping it short. This is the first time ever I'm finishing an article, so it may not be as funny as other endings you have read. So for the first time ever, here's a quote from one of my songs.
Category:American musicians
Category:Money
Category:Bad Motherfuckers
Category:Articles about a person written in the style of that person
Category:Articles written in the first person
Category:Nine Inch Nails
Category:Dead people