Bean

My mother used to bake and cook a lot. She had gone to a culinary school, so she knew a lot of neat tips and tricks to make anything taste like a delicacy. I grew up around all of this amazing food, and she would teach me how to make delicious food at the least amount of costs, and my father would teach me to forage. They went together like two peas in a pod. And the biggest mistake of my life, is the day I decided to go out into the woods to get some natural herbs for my dinner, and I came across something so magnificent, my mouth dropped, and my heart skipped a beat; I came across the largest bean I had ever seen in my life.
It was.. It was massive. It must have been ten feet tall and five feet around, I was so excited. I couldn’t wait, I rolled it back through the woods to my truck, and tied it to the bed, and drove back home. But I couldn’t shake this odd feeling looming over me.. I felt as though something horrible was going to happen.. But, it was counteracted by the dangerous fast increase of my own hunger.. It was so bizarre.. So I just looked forward to eating. I got home, and I couldn’t even fit it in my house, so I went into my garage, and I grabbed my saw.
I started sawing the bean into smaller pieces and carrying them back into my kitchen. It would last me weeks alone on just this one bean. So, I decided I’d have chili for dinner. I cut one of the pieces into smaller bits, and chopped it all up, and made chili, just like mom used to make. It was incredible, the bean had so much flavor to it, but.. But I was still hungry..
I decided to make something else.. I made a casserole.. Just like the chili, it was delicious.. But it still didn’t satisfy me.. So I made more food.. And more.. And more.. I made bean curry.. I made bean soup.. I made burritos and salads and stews.. I was awake all night long, and before I knew it.. I ate the whole bean.. The sun was up, it was the morning.. I was still starving, but I had already cooked everything in my household.. I was exhausted.. My exhaustion overcame my hunger, and I started slowly slumping towards my bedroom to get some rest..
I’m not sure how long I was out.. I just remember waking up very abruptly in the dead of night.. It was pitch black outside, I didn’t even bother looking at my alarm clock next to my bed, I just knew I had to defecate so bad.. All of my energy was restored, and I rushed as fast as I could into the restroom down the hallway.
I just sat there, it was horrible.. I was sitting there for hours in agony, it was unbearable.. And then.. I felt a loud drop in the toilet bowl, and I realized something.. I had no heart beat.. I died that evening.. Or so I had hoped.. Because the worst part of my story.. It was still to come..
Despite my embarrassing, horrible way to go, I saw no light at the end of the tunnel, and I never saw my life flash before my eyes.. I saw darkness.. I had no mouth, I couldn’t scream or yell for help.. I had no eyes, I could only see a never-ending abyss of blackness.. I had no ears, all I could hear was absolute silence.. The kind of silence where there is nothing in the world around you.. No wind.. No birds chirping.. No existence.. And this.. Purgatory I was in.. I had no idea how long I was in this state.. It felt like years, maybe decades.. And then.. It all happened..
I could not see, scream, or hear.. But I could feel.. I felt as if I was being rolled away over dirt and leaves.. And then, it hit me.. I was the bean.. I knew what was to come.. The agony I was about to endure.. Every knife entering my skin.. Every bite this person will take out of me.. Every bowel movement I will feel when I am inside his or her body.. What will happen afterwards, I do not know.. I just pray, to whatever god that can hear me.. Please.. By any means possible.. Please, just let this be the end..
Category:Trollpasta
Category:EVIL FOOD
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:WHAT A TWIST!