Quest 69

Hello.  My name is Jerry. I am here to tell you my story, a story of video games, death, voyeurism and heart-stopping terror. I tell my tale in the faint hope it prevents another such catastrophe.
It all started only a week ago, on the 31st of October. That is right, Halloween. It was around 8:00 PM, and trick-or-treaters filled the streets in view of my house. I was home alone.  A knock on my door broke the quiet. "Who could that be?," I wondered. I had all the lights off to ward away kids seeking candy. I opened the door to see my college friend, Mark.
"Mark, what are you doing here?," I asked of him. It's a school night, and Mark's strict parents usually kept him at home on such evenings. Mark said nothing. His face was pale, and he seemed to be able to form any words. Drool dripped from his mouth, and he stared at me with a blank expression. I quickly let him in.
In my living room, I was able to get Mark to talk and he assured me his poor state was not a Halloween prank. He told me of how he was at GameStop earlier in the day, and an old man offered him a game for his Nintendo 64. Mark found it especially peculiar, as this man seemed to not be an employee of the store. He lacked the black uniform shirt and seemed to want to keep things a secret. Furthermore, he never told this strange man that he owned a Nintendo 64, nor was he browsing for that console's games, so how did this septuagenarian seem to know for sure he had one?
The game he offered, Mark stated, was Quest 64, for only one United States dollar. Mark, having never played that game before, thought it appealing to try a new game, especially an RPG for his favorite non-handheld console. Mark noticed the poor state the cartridge seemed to be in, most notably the fact that the sticker art was torn off, and the only thing that described what the cartridge was, was some crude black Sharpie® writing that read 'Quest 64'.
I asked Mark how this pertained to the state of distress in which I found him. To my shock, he replied that the Quest 64 game contained many disturbing images and scenes, and that it felt real.
Both intrigued and frightened, I told him we would play the game immediately. Mark reluctantly agreed, stating that with my presence he could muster the courage to see more of it.
We made our way to Mark's home, where I found out the reason Mark was able to leave was that his parents were out at a party. We promptly went down some stairs to his basement room, and stuck the game into the system.
Things seemed okay at first, but for a brief second, the screen flashed and he saw an image, one that sent a chill down his spine. It was Quest 64's main protagonist, Brian, with a worried smile. He had blood-shot eyes, burned skin and torn clothing. If that was not enough, his hair seemed different, the normal cowlick seemed almost phallic. Furthermore, the game said the console was the Nintendo 6664, rather than simply 64.
Mark said he no longer wanted to do this, and I felt a small amount of vomit enter my throat, choking it back down. I told him that we needed to keep going.
Things went normally until we reached the early town of Dondoran. When I entered the throne room, we saw a most sickening sight, that even thinking about now makes me feel nauseous. It was King Scottfort, dead. Feces and blood stained the walls. His visible viscera was stretched towards the ceiling, suspended by a rope used to keep it like that. The king was stripped naked, with his genitalia mutilated, and a rod shoved up his anus.
Brian looked as terrified as Mark and me were. "How could Brian's reactions seem so real," I demanded of Mark. How could a character look like this? It wasn't some glitch, it wasn't programmed like this. Scottfort seemed to be truly dead. Brian threw up. I told Mark that this was really happening, and Mark expressions made it clear this wasn't a joke on his part.
While Brian seemed sentient, he still obeyed my controller commands. I led him outside, away from the horrifying scene. Shannon appeared. She gave a wanton wink to Brian, but it always felt as if it was towards us too. Slowly, she summonded someone to her. It was a nude Solvaring. Our jaws dropped. Shannon proceded to give the burly brute a blowjob. It was the sexiest thing we had ever witnessed, despite it being in N64 graphics.
Everything felt okay, until suddenly Mark and I noticed Shannon had some sort of pointy, shiny object in her right hand. We remained unsure of what exactly it was, right until she plunged it in Solvaring's chest. Why would she do such a thing? I could only imagine the point to this violent outburst was a warning, a warning to us. A bleeding Solvaring fell over dead.
At this point, I realized Shannon's shtick was to act as a Siren from Greek mythology, to lure prey in with her promiscuous personality, only to kill them when their guard was down while enjoying her sexual offerings. Shannon was not working for Mammon, oh no, she was working for whoever hacked this game.
I shot up from where we were sitting, and dashed towards the Nintendo 64, intent on turning it off. Before I could make it to the console, however, Shannon motioned with her finger, and the N64 became electrified! Shannon stated that touching it would send 2,000 volts of electricity coursing through my veins. Mark informed me that this was a fatal amount, roughly tantamount to a shock from an electric chair being used to carry out the death penalty on a condemned prisoner.
Mark got up, and attempted to go upstairs and out of this horrid room, only to find that the door was now locked. As Mark fiddled with the knob, he heard some laughter and subsequent shushing. There were intruders in his house!
Mark and me quickly put two and two together. It must be the hackers of this game. They had to have known. Things were too real for this to be a prank. They wanted us to suffer. The motive of this, I still do not know to this very day.
With no other options, we sat down and watched the television. Shannon was on quite a rampage. Having sex with, then murdering Fargo and Zelse. The gruesome, blood-drenched killings were so disturbing, I cannot even describe them for you. Literally, I can't. My memory has blessedly repressed those events.
After finishing off Zelse, Shannon did some sexy stripping, making Mark and the character Brian visibly amorous. Mark started towards the television, with me desperately trying to snap him out of it. I screamed, yelled, yanked him away, but it was all in vain. Shannon the Siren got Mark close enough, and him so unaware, that he accidentally touched the juiced-up Nintendo 64, zapping him and sending him collapsing to the floor, limp. Simultaneously, Shannon used a Wind attack to decapitate Brian.
At this precise moment, I panicked, and ran for the door. Banging on it and screaming at the home invaders that they got what they wanted. My eyes filled with tears, and raw adrenaline pumping through me, I gave the door a firm-enough kick to send it flying open. I popped out, expecting a struggle with those responsible for this grave crime, but noticed they had fled the scene.
I dialed 911, and asked for police and paramedics to hurry to Mark's house. First to arrive were two firefighters, who made their way to Mark's basement room and began to preform CPR to try and resurrect my dear friend. The police and an ambulance pulled into the driveway soon enough. I talked with the police about the events, while Mark was wheeled out on a stretcher. I cried in relief when I saw Mark give me a small thumbs up, to let me know he was alive.
The police took the accursed game, along with the N64, away as evidence. Mark and I are happy it will rot in some police storage room indefinitely.
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Category:Well, that was pointless.
Category:NINTENDO SIXTY-FOOOUR