Loomis//Roster

's roster
==Current Roster==
Disclaimer: players in yellow are the team's Gold Players (maxed out stats), players in gray are the Silver Players (stronger than the rest), players in brown are Bronze Players (occasionally slightly stronger than normal, depending on the rigger), players in blue are currently unavailable due to the rules of the rigger. Said players are NOT retired, as those players are part of a yet to be written section.
===Starters===
Pos.	No. 	Name 	Face	Description	Place of Birth
 	1 	Matteo Salvini 	 	Sometimes, the right man arrives at the right place, at the right time, to set things right once and for all. Matteo Salvini's superb skills in saving the Italian borders from those pesky unaccompanied minors and African doctors will surely bring /ita/ into the Top 16 and even beyond.
Matteo Salvini is one of a pair of current Vice-Prime Ministers and leader of the "Far" Right Italian party Lega Nord (Northern League) with strong anti-immigration stances.	Milan, Lombardy
 	14 	Zyklon Calcare 	 	His subtle satire will tackle the opposition in ways they'll never see it coming. Watch out, censors! Here comes the One-Man Abyssinian Gas Attack!
ZeroCalcare is a leftist comic book artist who fills his stories and panels with pop culture references. Some anons "uncensor" his art to include nationalist fervor.	Rebibbia, Latium
 	10 	Dante II 	 	Resurrected from his centuries-long slumber, Il Sommo Poeta is back, and this time he's mad as hell. Whether it's incorrect grammar or missing accents, he's going to make you pay dearly for not speaking proper Italian.
>Lingua d'Albione
>Inglesismi
>qual'è
>Se saremmo
>Anno Domini 2018
The de facto codifier of the Italian language. Used most commonly to express disdain towards fellow Itali-anons who can't speak proper Italian. More specifically, taken from a comic book with the titular Dante brandishing a Katana.	Firenze, Toscana
 	3 	Totò Sapore 	 	>when you have so many layers of irony it changes the course of human history
A very cringe-worthy cartoon on the origins of Pizza, drawn with a style resembling a mix between The Curse of Monkey Island and your worst nightmares.
Alternative tagline: [Piange in Napoletano]	Napulè, Campania (Alta Terronia)
 	4 	Bennato Mussoloni	 	Anonymous Italian politician, most famous for creating the Partito Faggista Nazionale (National Beech Party), who has certainly not been rescued by a Bavarian Army squad from prison.
Due to the "strengthening" of the Italian Postal Offices Police force, some Itali-anons had to get creative.	Definitely not in Predappio, Emilia Romagna
 	24 	Filone 	 	His detractors would have you believe there are better names for a new thread, but don't let them fool you: his crust is as sturdy as his defenses and his style as impeccable as only the best home-baked bread can be.
Literal translation for the word "thread" in Italian, still causes some troubles to anti-Anglo-de-programming Lupi.	"Your Local Baker's"
 	6 	Gargiù 	 	The short arm of the Law, working tirelessly to prevent those fee-fees-hurting bad goiym memes from circulating on (((Facebook))), stopping only to rob some poor soul of his imported hentai doujins.
The Italian Police force is notoriously bad, underfunded and powerless, but the Postal Police more than makes up for it by being extremely bothersome and prone to corruption. Alternative title: Utente Anonimo di Ita	Right Behind You
 	25 	Taizo Momote 	 	The infamous Prince of Makai, ready and able in his quest for love, romance and anime tiddies. Will he be able to use his heightened excitement levels to protect the goal and score a date with an Italian beauty? Probably not, but let's pray there's no icy women around the bench...
The first ever official /ita/ scanlation effort, Taizo Mote King Saga. Thanks, G.S.!	Makai
 	7 (Captain)	Rita Ciano 	 	The board-tan for /ita/, as fresh as a spring breeze and as shining as the sun itself. Easygoing, optimistic, an excellent cook, but also prone to outbursts of anger and pseudo-patriotism when what she holds dear gets challenged. In short, the woman everyone wants but no one will ever get in our corporeal state.
Portmanteau of /ita/-chan, with Rita being a common name among Italian women and Ciano being ripped off from Galeazzo Ciano, member of the fascist party with a particularly hedonistic lifestyle. Created by an unnamed Mexican drawfag.
Portrait by a /v/ anon, colorized by the curating Lupi.	Leghorn Livorno, Tuscany
 	18 	Melevisione 	 	How can a wooden TV-set play football? Don't ask us, but the only program going on this telly is replays of all the humiliating defeats of /ita/'s opponents.
The legendary children's tv show on which /ita/'s content is based on.	Fantabosco, Sardinia-Piedmont
 	9 	Lupo Lucio 	 	The man, the myth, the legend. The deuterantagonist of Melevisione, this lycanthrope embodies the qualities found in many /v/ anons: always shitting on freebies but always asking for more and never leaving their home turf. His sensual gaze sends shivers down the spine of any goalie trying to oppose him, and if he gets paid in (free) drinks after the match, that's all the better to him.
Secondary character on one of Italy's most popular children's shows, also the current nick for all /ita/ anons.	Turin, Piedmont
===Bench===
Pos.	No.	Name 	Face	Description	Place of Birth
 	12 	Zuppa Romana 	 	An enigmatic player, mostly known for his weird accent and oblique sense of humor. But how could you possibly resist the delicious taste of true Italian cuisine?
Named after a gibberish song by German comedic group Schrott nach 8'. Positively one of the first memes from /ita/.	"Südtirol"
 	2 	Falce & Tornello 	 	Every historical revolution has its antagonists: the French had Louis II, the Russians had Nicholas II, the Bolognesi had the mighty Turnstile.
A "protest" by Bologna youths against the introduction of "fascist" turnstiles in a communist library that had more damaging effects than the actual work needed to implement them.	Bologna, USSR Emilia Romagna
 	15 	Acciuga 	 	>you'll never pickle her in oil
why live
Italian translation of the Girls und Panzer character Anchovy, and some Lupo's lust for her silky white thighs.	Anzio, Latium
 	16 	PERDITE.jpg 	 	Can you do any better than DioChan?
Named after the legendary first OC to ever come out of /ita/, an edit of a Mickey Mouse panel.	Topolinia (Segrate), Lombardy
 	22 	Lupo Disonorato 	 	A mysterious anon who comes to post cryptic messages about being involved in some shady biz and having apparently gambled his life away. When he's not busy playing a deathly Tressette col Morto game, he's ready to give updates on his shitty life as well as to score in a few ones for the team.
The Italian Kaiji. Just wait around /ita/ if you want to meet him.	Monte-Carlo Nord
 	19 	Gondola 	 	Living in the shadows of his much more popular Finnish cousin, this world traveler thingamajig will use his elongated legs and great taste in ambient music to net us a quite a bunch of goals.
A bastardization of Spurdo Sparde with an Italian name.	Venice, Veneto
 	20 	Zindagi Afrigani 	 	INTEGRATO.IT G'HO BERMESSO DI LABURÀ BIO NONO BIENE DALLA BUGLIA
(((Roberto Saviano))) is a strong advocate for a multicultural Italy, starting with his "hometown" of Sicily.	Lambeduza, Zigilia
 	17 	Chiara Cinematografica	 	Projecting the best Taiwanese soap operas since 2017.
Named after an anon who would host /ita/'s movie time, before he sperg'd out and left us. If you're reading this, come back please.	Vergate sul Membro, Veneto
 	26 	Duemilaquarantotto 	 	>when your flash game is also a census tool
An /ita/lized version of the popular 2048 game, a fully Italian ripoff of an older flash puzzle game.	Rebibbia, Latium
 	27 	Contenuti Illegali 	 	"Could these be the illegal content hosted on our platform?"
A bizarre adult cartoon about a narcissistic and popular Italian singer, which went live on primetime to the delight of absolutely no one, but whose parodies just so happened to be posted around the times of our shadow ban.	Milan, Lombardy
 	28 	+AFRICA 	 	All of life's problems have a simple solution. Climate change? MORE EUROPE! Low salaries? MORE AFRICA! Cancer got you down? MORE GLOBALISM! If only you could also get that elusive 3%...
The Girl with the Pearl Earring's grandma and his immensely unpopular party - unless you ask RAI, of course - is the subject of much ridicule on the board.	Bra, Piedmont
 	13 	Lupa Lucia 	 	Definitely the most divisive player in /ita/. Is she a furry? Is she /monster/ material? Nobody knows, and apparently not even the game cares. But she's still with us, for some reason.
The secondary board-tan of /ita/, drawn by the same Mexican anon. Not even the game keeps track of her stats, but that's PES for you.	Roma, Latium
===Retired Players===
Pos.	No.	Name 	Face	Description	Place of Birth
 	5 	Ragionier Ugo Fantocci	 	The true symbol of the Italian working class, Ragionier Ugo Fantozzi Fantocci will try and rub his own horrible luck onto the opponents, hoping that his "worker's storm-cloud" will strike fear (and a lighting) into the opposition.
Character created by the late comedian Paolo Villaggio, whose bad luck, sleazy lust and perennial status of pawn to be exploited by the elite have made him one of the most iconic Italian stereotypes. F	Genoa, Liguria
 	8 	Il Cavaliere Mascarato	 	An anonymous Lombardy politician by day, he dons his trusty mask and cape by night to fight off hardened criminals and obtuse communist magistrates and defend escorts and soubrettes everywhere. With a sharp tongue and an even sharper, robotic dick, this midfielder will lead /ita/ towards a brighter future.
A comedic nick given to former Prime Minister of Italy Silvio Berlusconi, known for his spurious sex life and for being the proto-Trump. Also he told everyone that Merkel is an unfuckable landwhale and Schultz a Kapo.	Macherio, Lombardy
 	11 	Samuele Aide 	 	What's his name???
>Luca "a mali estremi, estrema destra" Traini
>Luca "smitragliata a Macerata" Traini
>Luca "coltelli per balotelli" Traini
>Luca "bipolare e pronto a sparare" Traini
>Luca "se mi tocchi la ragazza qualcun poi ti ammazza" Traini
The first recorded instance of Samuel Hyde being used in place of an Italian shooter. Luca Traini is an Italian nationalist who sprayed'n'prayed at some African migrants after hearing of a fellow Italian girl being brutally murdered by "unaccompanied minors" in his hometown.	Macerata, Marche
 	21 	>GIULIO 	 	>walks like an Egyptian
>dies
Giulio Regeni was an Italian political researcher who met his untimely demise in Cairo after being mistaken for a foreign spy. The joke isn't his death as much as the amount of bullshit the Egyptian and Italian government alike still have to make up to prevent an irreparable diplomatic incident.	Trieste, Friuli-Venezia Giulia
 	23 	DEH BOIA 	 	"ALLORA LUI MI FA BOIA E IO GLI DICO DEH CAPITO? CIOÈ LUI MI HA DETTO DEH PERCHÉ TE DEH E ALLORA DI LÌ E ALLORA DI LÀ, ALLORA DEH, E IO GLI HO DETTO CIOÈ SECONDO ME NO CAPITO? … CIOÈ NON HAI RAGIONE."
A Florentinian slang that can be described as the equivalent of using the Chilean word "wea" to construct an entire language out of it. Only true Livornesi will understand this.	Dehvorno, Boiascany
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