RT Short: Prank King/transcript

Gus' chair spins to reveal a pizza - Gus sits on it
Gus: Ahh,  pizza?
Matt appears from behind the Cardboard Gus
Matt: Boom! You just got pranked. Pizza Hut? More like Pizza Butt, am i right?
Kerry also appears from behind the cutout and high fives Matt
Kerry: Nice.
Matt: That's what i'm talking about. Dominos? Uh, Dumbinos. Papa Johns...? That one doesn't work, but i'm still delivering shame and humilitaion in thirty minutes or less.
Gus: You want a prank war? It's a prank war you got, except you forget, you're dealing with the prank master, i'm the prank king, baby.
Matt: Oh, are you?
Gus: I'm the prank fucking king.
Matt: Oh yeah?
Gus: Wanna see my accomplice?
Matt: What you got?
Gus shows a 5 dollar bill
Gus: Abe Lincoln.
Matt: Uh huh.
Gus gives Matt the 5 dollars and runs
Gus: Sucker!
Matt: What?
Scene changes - Matt enters his office, he spots a note on his table and some tickets
Matt: Enjoy the play? What?
Gus appears from behind a chair
Gus: Haha, you just got pranked! Best seats in the house, told you i was good.
Gus runs
Matt: Thank you?
Scene change - Matt walks to the break room, spotting a MacBook on the table and another note
Matt: For Matt? Awesome.
Matt unfolds it to see "PRANKED!!!" in large text across the screen - Gus jumps out from the bin next to Matt
Gus: Hope you like technology, 'cause you just got Techno-pranked.
Gus tries to hop away in the bin and subsequently topples over onto his face
Gus: Owwww.
Matt: i'm keeping this.
Scene change - Gus is washing Matt's car
Gus: Sucker, this is a great prank.
Matt walks up behind him
Matt: Hey Gus, what'cha doing?
Gus: You caught me, but i pranked you! I'm washing your car, and i fucking filled your tank with gas, put supplies in the back, PRANK!
Matt: Ok that's a good one.
Gus: Put the crown on me, i'm the king baby.
Matt: Ok, Gus...you do know this is not how you prank people.
Gus: What?
Matt: Pranks are not nice things you do for people, they're playfully mean surprises.
Gus: But you gave me pizza earlier.
Matt: I gave you pizza so you would sit in it.
Gus: Oh...I thought it was because you knew I liked pepperoni.
Matt: No, it's because i knew you didn't like sitting on pizza.
Gus: Ooooohhhhh.
Matt: Yeah.
Gus: Okay, smart yeah, yeah yeah, that makes sense.
Matt: You get it now?
Gus: Yeah, yeah.
Matt: Just finish up.
Gus: Yeah man.
Matt: 'Cause i gotta go home soon.
Gus: Man I got such a good lather going.
Matt walks into the office, there are two people sitting down with newspapers obscuring their faces - Matt sees a box on the table with his name on it
Matt: Ha, Alright Gus, what do we have this time.
The mysterious people put down their papers revelaing to be Cop Joel and Cop Burnie
Joel: FREEZE, Secret Service.
Burnie: Thought you could get away with it, did ya pal? Come 'ere.
Joel: Yeah but somebody ratted you out you rat!
Burnie: Yeah, guess you could call us the hardy boys, 'cause we're so hard, on naughty little boys.
Joel: Hard boys.
Matt: Okay...that's disgusting.
Burnie: No, you made it disgusting.
Matt: Wh..who...who are you guys, what are you doing here?
Joel: You're under arrest, for conpiracy to murder the President on the United States!
Matt: What?
Burnie: Oh don't play dumb with us pal.
Joel: Don't play dumb with us, you think we wouldn't find out?
Matt: Find out? I haven't done anything.
Burnie: Oh no, but you were planning on it weren't you smart guy.
Matt: No, no.
Joel: Oh, i see it's just a coincidence that you got one ticket to the same play as the President is attending!
Joel holds the ticket up to Matt - Matt flashes back to remember Gus giving him the tickets
Matt: I can explanation...I mean...I...I have an explanation.
Burnie: Oh an explanation, well can you also explain your internet searches?
Joel: What did you Ask Jeeves, huh?
Burnie: Conspiracies.
Joel: Conspiracies.
Burnie: Guns that kill.
Joel: Kill.
Burnie: Guns that kill important people, My name is Matt Hullum and i want to kill The President at 7pm next Tuesday at the play we're both attending. Also there were searches for girls with large thighs, what's up with that pal?
Matt remembers Gus giving him the MacBook
Matt: No, i didn't...
Joel: You didn't even disable cookies.
Burnie: What an amatuer.
Joel: Cookie? Disabled.
Matt: Why are we bringing baked goods into this?
Burnie starts waving his pistol around
Burnie: And what about that nice trunk of evidence we found in that clean getaway car right outside?
Matt remember Gus washing his car
Joel: And you know what was in that trunk full of evidence?
Burnie is point his gun at Joel without even noticing
Joel: A trunk full of gas, used to drive all the way to Mexico! Amigo, Even though you and I are not friends my friend.
Matt: Friend?! Who played a prank on me.
Joel: ADMIT IT, YOU WERE GONNA MURDER THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!
Matt: No...no, i wouldn't, how would i even do that, i don't even own a gun.
Joel reaches into the box with Matt's name on it and pull out a Pistol
Matt: Ahhh, ugh it's not mine! That's not mine.
Burnie: The buck stops here pal!
Matt remembers Gus showing him his accomplice - and giving him the 5 dollars
Joel: You make me sick.
Joel starts to point the gun at his head
Matt: No, no no, you guys got it all wrong.
Joel starts to move to the gun toward his mouth
Burnie: That's enough, let's go pal, Come on!
Matt: I put pepperoni, on his pants, and then, he was...it was payback, payback for the Pepperoni Pizza Pants Prank!
Burnie: Keep walkin'!
Quick flashes of Matt getting a mugshot, fingerprinted and sentenced - cut to Matt in prison, clutching the bars
It was a prank.
Matt: It was a prank...PRANK! Gus, GUS! GUUUUUUUS!
30 years later
Matt: And that's how I found myself an old man with nothing left to live for, and now I got to either get busy living or get busy dying. And I suppose I-
Gus hits Matt in the face with a cream pie
Gus: Ha ha, Prank King, Prank King, Prank Master! Ha ha, You got pranked, I win, It was worth it, Ha ha ha.
Gus runs off
Matt: And that's how I found myself an old man with nothing left to live for-
Gus in circling Matt
Gus: Prank King, Ha ha ha, Prank Master, I win, It was worth it ha ha. Fuck your cane!
Gus kicks Matt's cane, Matt falls on his face
Gus: Ha Ha Ha!
Category:Rooster Teeth Productions
Category:RT Short
Category:Episodes