Arthur's New Puppy (episode)/Transcript

(the episode opens in the Reads' backyard. Arthur is rolling on the ground and Pal is licking him)
Arthur Read: (giggles) I always thought about having a puppy, but I never thought of what I'd name him (moves Pal aside). A name has to be just right, because it can affect the way he thinks about himself and how he'll grow up, Maybe Champion? (imagines Pal as being lanky and buff with pointy ears) Or maybe Bionic Puppy! (imagines Pal as large, with brown spots and a red cape) I could name him Buster (imagines Pal with Buster's face). No, and I sure wouldn't name him Francine (imagines Pal with a short tail, flossy fur and long ears with barrettes), and definitely not Binky (imagines Pal as a bulldog). None of those names work. He's just gonna be my Pal. (picks up Pal)
(Title card, Pal is chasing Toady)
Binky: (v.o.) Arthur's New Puppy
D.W. Read: Wait! Come back! (Arthur holds her shoulders, they come back)
(cut back to the episode, Arthur is writing "PAL" on a red dish with a sharpie and Pal is running around)
D.W.: What are you doing? (she's opening the fridge)
Arthur: Writing his name on his dish.
D.W.: Are you teaching him to read? "P-A-L"? You're naming him Pal?
Arthur: (filling the dish with water) Do you have a better name?
D.W.: How about Frederick?
(Pal bumps into the wall)
Arthur: Frederick?!
D.W.: He looks like a Frederick.
Arthur: (putting Pal's dish down) His name is Pal. He already knows it. Watch. Come here, Pal! (Pal runs over and starts to drink the water) See?
D.W.: He's not very smart, is he?
Arthur: Are you kidding? He's a genius!
D.W.: He hides it very well.
Arthur: Just wait 'til he's trained.
(Pal finishes his drink and starts sniffing)\
D.W.: I'll be in college by then.
Arthur: Will not!
D.W.: You wanna bet a million dollars?
Jane Read: (offscreen) Arthur, my rug!
Arthur: Uh-oh! (runs into the living room) Pal! Pal! (runs out carrying Pal)
D.W.: (chasing him) You wanna bet twelve million dollars?
Francine: (on the sidewalk, on her bike, waving) Hi, Arthur! (cycles over to Arthur, who is walking Pal) So that's your new dog?
Arthur: Yeah, his name is Pal.
Francine: He looks more like a Steve.
Arthur: Steve?
(Pal sniffs, looks annoyed, then starts chewing his leash)
Francine: Can he do anything besides that?
Arthur: Not yet, but I'm gonna teach him to a flip through the air and catch frisbees upside-down. But right now, I'm just house-training him.
Francine: Well, you'd better train him quick 'cause my cousin had a dog that they couldn't train and his parents made the dog go live on a farm!
Arthur: Really?
Francine: (nods, then Pal bites her tire) Ugh! Hey!
(in the Reads' kitchen, D.W. is drinking orange soda. Arthur and Pal enter, the latter has the leash in his mouth)
Arthur: Pal, sit. (D.W. giggles) No, sit. Sit! Stay. (Pal runs away)
D.W.: (snarkily) Yup. That's one smart dog. Where's he going in such a hurry? To do your homework?
Arthur: He's just excited to be home.
David Read: (offscreen) Arthur!
D.W: Yeah, he just got excitement all over the living room rug.
(Arthur looks shocked, then runs into the living room and out with Pal in his arms)
D.W.: You were right! Frederick is a bad name! You should name him Puddles!
(Arthur carries Pal into the living room, where his parents are sitting on the floor, Kate Read is on Mr Read's lap, D.W. is on the floor, and she and Mr Read are reading)
Arthur: Everybody! Wait 'til you see this! He learnt all this in only two hours! (puts Pal down) Pal, speak! (Pal barks) Good boy! Pal, sit. (Pal doesn't sit and keeps barking, his family look at him with blank expressions and Arthur shrugs) He did it a minute ago. Pal, sit. OK, skip that one. Pal, come. (Pal keeps barking and doesn't come) Well, he learned one. Pal, speak. (Pal goes quiet and Arthur's family lose interest, D.W. shakes her head)
(Arthur is putting Pal to bed in the garage)
C'mon, boy. This is your bed. (Pal jumps out of bed) Don't you like it? (puts Pal back but Pal has a hangdog expression) What's wrong, boy? Are you scared?
Mr Read: (enters with D.W.) Are you tucking him in for the night, Arthur?
Arthur: (Pal is holding onto his leg) Does he have to sleep in the garage, Dad? He's scared. Let him stay in the house. (desperately with his hands together) Please, please, please, please, please! (Mr Read looks thoughtful)
D.W.: You're better trained than Pal. Now you've learned to beg.
(Pal is chewing his blanket and D.W. is bringing in a red wagon of old newspapers. Pal's bed is now in the hallway)
D.W.: Boy, for a new dog, he sure doesn't smell new. I hope these are enough. (leaves)
Arthur: Don't listen to her, Pal. (runs off and searches around the living room floor) Pal? Pal! Please don't hurt the carpet. You heard what Francine said. (Pal runs upstairs) Pal! Pal! Where are you?
(D.W. is lying on her bed, looking at a book and humming. Pal bites her foot, so she starts screaming. Arthur bumps his head and Mr and Mrs Read gather on the stairs)
Mrs Read: D.W.? Are you Okay?
(D.W. is playing tug-o'-war with her shoe and Pal)
D.W.: Gimme back my shoe! Give it back!
Arthur: Pal, let her have it!
(Pal snatches the shoe and throws it across the room, leading to a lamp breaking and Arthur and his parents gasp. Arthur groans. Then, Mr Read installs a baby gate)
D.W.: (nursing her shoe) I thought I was gonna have a heart attack, Daddy.
Mr Read: I think you're safe now.
Arthur: Shh! See, he's the perfect dog. He went right to sleep. (closes the gate) Goodnight, Pal. See you in the morning.
(Pal howls and Arthur comes to check on him)
Pal, it's three A.M.! What's wrong? (to his family) He's OK. Go back to sleep now. (Pal howls again)
D.W.: (points her finger) If he was in the garage, we wouldn't hear him howl.
Arthur: I'll stay with him until he falls asleep.
Mrs Read: Uh...all right, but don't forget to close that gate. (but he does)
Arthur: (falling asleep) Be a good dog, Pal. Show 'em how smart you are. They'll see.
(Pal drinks some water, escapes, then runs into the living room, rips a curtain, runs around with a binder on his head, knocks it off, tears pages out of the binder, then looks worried. In the morning, Pal comes back and Arthur wakes up yawning.)
You better get back in here before Mom and Dad find out! (hears D.W. clear her throat) 
ARTHUR: Uh-oh.
D.W: Forget calling him Puddles. How about Lake?
Arthur: I'll clean it up, Mom.
Mrs Read: (holding a pooper-scooper in one hand and Kate in the other) Then, you'll need this.
D.W.: (holding a shovel) No, you'll need this!
Mr Read: Pal was in the living room too!
(the curtains are in shreds and several items have been knocked over, the Reads gasp)
Mrs Read: What on Earth?!
(Arthur gulps)
Mr Read: My catering schedules! (walks over)
Mrs Read: (holding up a bar of soap covered in dog fur) What's this?! It's the soap from the bathroom!
(Pal hiccups bubbles)
D.W.: You still think he's so smart?
(Arthur is walking Pal, who's still hiccuping bubbles) next to a park bench upon which Francine and Buster are sitting)
Buster: He ate the whole living room?
Arthur: He didn't eat it. Just chewed on it.
Buster: My puppy was so much trouble that my mother gave it away while I was at school.
Francine: Probably to a farm. (Arthur gasps and Pal burps up a soap bubble)
(At the Reads' kitchen, Arthur is sitting on the floor with Pal and his parents are standing nearby)
Mrs Read: Arthur, we've decided that Pal has to live in the garage until he's trained, honey.
Arthur: He'll be trained in no time! I promise!
Mr Read: When he is, he can come in the house again. Now here's the garage key. (puts the key on the table) Let me know if you need help moving anything.
(Arthur is packing a box of Pal's toys and moving Pal's bed)
D.W.: Face it, Arthur. He eats soap. You owe me twelve million dollars.
Arthur: (hands her the doggy bed) Can you carry this? Thanks.
D.W.: Hey!
Arthur: (sitting at the table) D.W., did you take the garage key?
D.W.: Uh-uh.
Arthur: Dad, where's the garage key?
Mr Read: I thought I put it on the table. (handling pigs-in-blankets)
D.W.: Hmm...
(Pal jumps on the table and messily eats some food)
Mr Read: My party platter!
Arthur: Pal, no! (picks him up)
Mr Read: Arthur, if that dog is untrainable, I don't see how we can keep him.
D.W.: So where's Pal going to live now, Dad?
Arthur: (putting a drawing of a rainy farm by Pal's bed, which is still in the hallway) Look, that's where you're going if you aren't good! I always wanted a dog I never dreamed my dog would be like you. You're better than any dog I'd be able to imagine. (hugs Pal) If you go, we'll never be able to see each other again. We need to start working hard.
(Arthur trains Pal in a red jumpsuit, then he is in the garden holding a towel in front of Pal and his family are on the bench)
Welcome to the Arthur and Pal show! What you see will astound and amaze you! Now, introducing the new, improved Pal! (Pal chews the towel)
D.W.: This is gonna be a disaster.
Arthur: It's now or never. You can do it! Pal, speak. (Pal barks)
D.W. (bored): Seen it.
Arthur: Pal, stay. (walks off, Pal stays)
Mr Read: Huh?!
Arthur: Pal, come! (Pal comes) Sit. (Pal sits)
Arthur's family: Wow!
Arthur: Pal, up! (Pal stands on his back legs. Arthur's family stand up and Mr Read claps)
Mr Read: Way to go, Arthur! Very good!
Arthur: He can fetch, too.
Mrs Read; You don't have to show us any more, Arthur.
Arthur: He won't have to live on a farm?
Mr Read: Not even in the garage.
Arthur: You hear that, Pal? Pal? (Pal retrieves the garage key)
Mr Read: Ha! He just found the garage key!
Arthur: Admit it, D.W. Pal's a lot smarter than you think.
D.W.: Well, maybe he is above average. (Pal licks her)
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