New Jersey Turnpike

The New Jersey Turnpike is a toll road in that space between New York, Pennsylvania, and Delaware. Built during the rule of King Lorenzo II, it was constructed to squeeze as much money out of non-New Jersey residents trying to flee to the less shitty cities of New York City, Philadelphia, and Baltimore. New Jersey gets 80% of its tax revenue from the Turnpike, compared to only 10% for the Garden State Parkway.
==Toll collection system==
The New Jersey Turnpike boasts a state-of-the-art toll collection system. There are tolls at the entrance and exit to every single interchange on the turnpike, making sure there is no way to cheat the system (unless you go behind the service areas and through the back gates and find your way from there). The Turnpike was created with few exits just to make sure once people get onto the Turnpike, there is little chance for them to escape, thus forcing everyone to pay an extra dollar or two to reach their destinations. There are service areas on the Turnpike so New Jersey can earn extra revenue from people buying gas or food, so even though the toll may appear to be $6.45, New Jersey's really getting a lot more money than that.
===Implementation of E-ZPass===
New Jersey saw an irresistible chance to monetize their assets with the creation of E-ZPass. With the implementation of E-ZPass, New Jersey would earn extra money from fining people $120 for driving through an E-ZPass lane without an E-ZPass tag. Recently, high speed E-ZPass lanes have been added just to insult everyone without E-ZPass, and get more confused tourists to drive through the E-ZPass lanes. New Jersey also gets money from people with E-ZPass tags having to pay "maintenance" fees.
===Dictator Corzine's sinister plan to raise tolls===
In 2006, Corzine and his minions proposed a toll increase that would raise the price for travelling the whole Turnpike from $6.45 to $102.92 by 2012. The plan would give New Jerseyans so much money that residents would be paying negative taxes. Unsurprisingly, Corzine quickly cancelled his plan due to opposition from 4% of New Jersey residents. Instead, Corzine snuck an increase on the price for toilet paper.
==Conspiracy to force non-residents to pay as much as possible==
New Jersey ensures that travelers pay as much money as possible for traveling the Turnpike. Have you ever wondered why there is no direct connection between Interstate 95 in Pennsylvania and the New Jersey Turnpike? This is a conspiracy to force people to use the Turnpike, whether they like it or not. If New Jersey can afford to have those signs thanking people for riding the New Jersey Turnpike, then they could easily afford to make an interchange between the real I-95 and the Pennsylvania Turnpike Extension.
New Jersey also pours money into spreading propaganda. Their main focus is making motorists believe their tolls are necessary to maintain the road, and that their money is actually being put to good use. Because of heavy brainwashing, some people have even just accepted that tolls are a natural part of life, and believe nothing can be done about it. Well, actually, something can be done about the tolls, but not if people have that attitude. The tolls can even be removed completely one day if enough people protest the government, but at this rate, there's a better chance of them being tripled increased within a month.
Did you know that entering New Jersey is free, but it costs up to 8$ to exit New Jersey? Well, the only way thay can be possible is because of some kind of conspiracy. It costs nothing to cross the Raritan River without using the Garden $tate Parkway, but it costs money to cross the Delaware River and Hudson River. Some theorists believe that New Jersey created the Delaware River and Hudson River just to have another excuse to tax people.
==Ways in which New Jersey wants you to believe your toll is being used==
*Improving all of those potholes
*Making it so the section near New York isn't always gridlocked
==Ways in which your toll is really being used==
*Jon Corzine's new mansion in Princeton
*Giving Corzine a new SUV, even though he doesn't deserve it
*Wayne Bryant's mansion in Moorestown
*Giving Former Newark mayor Sharpe James a new 96" high definition television to entertain him while he's in federal prison
*Expanding the fleet of traffic police and giving them new technology to better arrest people
*Trying to reclaim the Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island, and the rest of the Holy Land annexed from us by New York
*Giving the toll collectors, toll inspectors, and toll executives pay raises
*Building new toll facilities to better tax motorists on the New Jersey Turnpike
==Exit list==
County 	Location 	# 	Mile 	Destinations 	Notes
Salem 	Pennsville Twp 	 	0.00 	Start of pain and misery 	Don't take the New Jersey Turnpike! Interstate 295 is toll free, and parallels the Turnpike for most of its length.
Salem 	Carneys Point Township 	 	1.12 	Your last chance to turn around 	If you enjoy animal abuse, visit Cowtown Rodeo. It has entertaining events such as calf groping and steer wrestling.
Salem 	Carneys Point Township 	1 	2.4 	Too late for people unwilling to donate to the New Jersey Tax Fund! 	Too late for people unwilling to donate to the New Jersey Tax Fund!
Gloucester 	Woolwich Township 	2 	12.8 	Some random cows, hillbillies, New Jersey Devil 	Keep driving on; nothing exciting here.
Camden 	Boro of Runnemede 	3 	26.1 	The most rundown city on earth aka Camden, Philadelphia, Atlantic City 	There are many places to buy illegal drugs here.
Burlington 	Mount Laurel Township 	4 	34.5 	Northeast Philadelphia 	If you like shopping, there's plenty of malls here.
Burlington 	Westampton Township 	5 	44.1 	Some more hillbillies, a cool military base 	Bring automatic weapons, since car bombs won't be as effective.
Burlington 	Mansfield Township 	6 	51.0P5.6 	Pennsylvania Torturepike Extension (Pennsylvania's version of the New Jersey Turnpike) 	It's like the New Jersey Turnpike, but with a lot more more cows and Amish.
Burlington 	Florence Twp 	(6A) 	P2.6 	Last exit before the Pennsylvania Torturepike 	Don't forget to visit the farmer's markets.
Burlington 	Bordentown Twp 	7 	53.3 	Cool air force base 	Great place to hijack airplanes!
Mercer 	Robbinsville Township 	7A 	60.5 	I-195, Six Flags Great Adventure, Trenton, Easy Girls, Nice Beaches 	Just because you're not on the New Jersey Turnpike doesn't mean that you're not giving us money.
Mercer 	East Windsor Township 	8 	67.6 	A poor farmer and his boy ask people for money 	Sometimes, the farmer also brings his wife and 6 daughters.
Middlesex 	Cranbury Twp 	 	72.8 	Turnpike divides northbound, merges southbound.(Inner roadway for white people only, outer roadway for colored people/animals.)	Turnpike divides northbound, merges southbound.(Inner roadway for white people only, outer roadway for colored people/animals.)
Middlesex 	Monroe Township 	8A 	73.9 	Nothing to see here, just a bunch of filthy rich suburbanites and violent soccer moms 	Notice how there's so many golf courses, but nobody ever uses them.
Middlesex 	East Brunswick Township 	9 	83.4 	Rutgers University, lazy college students, basketball obsessed jocks. 	Watch out for all of the bad drivers and alcoholics.
Middlesex 	Edison Township 	10 	88.1 	A really confusing interchange that frequently causes tourists to end up in New York City 	At least that's not New Jersey.
Middlesex 	Woodbridge Township 	11 	91.0 	Garden $tate Parkway 	Don't take this exit! It only connects to the Garden $tate Parkway, which results in you having to pay a double toll.
Middlesex 	Boro of Carteret 	12 	95.9 	Nothing to see here but oil refineries, abandoned warehouses, and smog 	Also a secret hideout for mafia members.
Union 	City of Elizabeth 	13 	99.4 	Hell 	You get the point.
Union 	City of Elizabeth 	13A 	101.6 	Newark Liberty International Airport 	An even better plae to hijack airplanes!
Essex 	City of Newark 	14 	104.7 	Newark Liberty International Airport, I-78, Amtrak, Secret entrance to Heaven 	Connects to Newark Bay Extension
Hudson 	City of Jersey City 	14A 	N3.5 	Italian immigrants with funny accents, Irish immigrants with funny accents, Polish immigrants with funny accents 	One of the better parts of North Jersey, if you can believe it.
Hudson 	City of Jersey City 	14B 	N5.5 	Jersey City, Liberty State Park, Asian immigrants with funny accents 	Great place to visit, but not a great place to live.
Hudson 	City of Jersey City 	14C 	N5.9 	Black people, Hispanic people, Holland Tunnel 	Keep all your stuff locked up, including your children, to make sure they don't get stolen.
Essex 	City of Newark 	 	105.6 	If you didn't already, you better choose which way to go before you hit that Jersey barrier! 	If you didn't already, you better choose which way to go before you hit that Jersey barrier!
Essex 	City of Newark 	15E 	E106.9 	Just another run-down part of Newark 	It's like New York City without the tourists, skyscrapers, and parks.
Hudson 	Town of Kearny 	15W 	E108.5W108.8 	I Can't Believe it's Not Newark 	I can't believe it's not Newark either! Did you see that homeless man with the long beard walk by?
Hudson 	Town of Secaucus 	15X 	E110.8 	It only gets worse and worse 	And so does the traffic.
Hudson 	Town of Secaucus 	16E18E 	E112.3 	New Jersey residents get even more money (East side) 	New Jersey residents get even more money (East side)
Hudson 	Town of Secaucus 	17 	E112.7 	A really confusing interchange that frequently causes tourists to end up in New York City 	At least that's not New Jersey.
Bergen 	Boro of East Rutherford 	16W 	W112.7 	Meadowlands Sports Complex 	Pssst! No one really plays football here! This is actually one of the premier strip clubs of New Jersey.
Bergen 	Boro of Carlstadt 	18W 	W113.8 	New Jersey residents get even more money (West side) 	New Jersey residents get even more money (West side)
Bergen 	Village of Ridgefield Park 	 	E117.2W116.8 	Thank god! It's the end!Unless you're travelling southbound… 	Thank god! It's the end!Unless you're travelling southbound…
Wait, no, never mind. There's an 8$ toll for exiting New Jersey located on the George Washington Bridge	Wait, no, never mind. There's an 8$ toll for exiting New Jersey located on the George Washington Bridge	Wait, no, never mind. There's an 8$ toll for exiting New Jersey located on the George Washington Bridge	Wait, no, never mind. There's an 8$ toll for exiting New Jersey located on the George Washington Bridge	Wait, no, never mind. There's an 8$ toll for exiting New Jersey located on the George Washington Bridge 	Wait, no, never mind. There's an 8$ toll for exiting New Jersey located on the George Washington Bridge
Category:New Jersey
Category:Things that are symbolic of man's inhumanity to man