nyuuzyou/wikis huggingface dataset:
The Chair at the Centre of the Universe

One day a man living on Earth began to have terrifying dreams about the chair that the universe resides around.
At this point nobody knew about the chair at the centre of the universe, so everybody around him, including himself, assumed his dreams were not real and that they couldn't hurt anyone.
But he was dead wrong.
"Doctor, I had a terrifying dream about an impossibly large chair kind of at the centre of the universe, only it's not at the centre, it's more that the universe surrounds it. Either as a method of imprisonment or incubation."
"I see." Replied the doctor. "And no doubt you've come to me looking for some fun time drugs?"
"No doctor. That's not what I'm about at all." The man replied. "I know the chair at the centre of the universe isn't real. But when I awoke in the morning from my terrible dream, I had not one, but two, two chair legs emanating from my anus. And, it hurts."
"I thought you were sitting funny." Said the doctor. "Why don't you pop up here and I'll take a look."
The man popped up on the examination bed and the doctor took a look at the two chair legs jutting painfully out from the man's anus.
"Hang on a minute." Said the doctor, as he pulled out a flashlight. "I can see something written up there."
When he looked up the swollen anus of the man, sure as soap, he could see the phrase "fuck you" written in black marker pen on the underside of the chair.
"Doc? What is it? What do you see?" Asked the man.
But the doctor did not reply.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep
Category:Shortpasta
The Chapters of Minecraft

THIS IS MY FIRST PASTA THIS IS JUST A STORY Chapter 1 Shore, In Minecraft i washed up shore. I got up and explored. I decided i needed to get wood and set off, after i got enough wood, i built a shelter.
Chapter 2 The Shelter, i made some stuff and made a mine,i hit a cave and mined some coal and iron and went back up to make a furnace and smelted some iron.
Chapter 3 The Totem, i got out of my house and went exploring. I found some werid things though,like 1x2 holes in sides on mountains, 3x3 holes in the ground and redstone torches, then i found a totem and a chest and the chest had a flint and steel and the totem with 2 gold blocks on the bottom and 2 pieces and some kind of reddish ston and 1 piece of that stone had a fae on it with no pupils, i lit the top of the totem and it turned midnight and the totems eyes turned red and heard a voice saying you should not have done that,
Chapter 4 Herobrine,
THIS IS IN WORK ILL INISH IT IN A FEW MINUTES!
Category:Deletion Log Refugees
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Minecrap
Category:TOTALLY NOT UNFINISHED U GUIZE
Category:Blatant Ripoffs
Category:Well, that was pointless.
Category:English Class Failure
Category:Old Shit
Category:Shortpasta
Category:Hall of Fame
The Cheeki Breeki Conspiracy

NOTE: THIS IS THE FIRST PART OF THE TRILOGY.
Before I begin, I should say that I was an intern at GSC Game World. YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT IT? Your problem.
Now onto the story.
During my work time at GSC, before S.T.A.L.K.E.R. Shadow of Chernobyl was about to be released, I noticed the game build that looks, feels and tastes like the final release, but has the old and scrapped content, like driving a car, old maps and stuff. But it had a weird name. It was named:
S.T.A.L.K.E.R. Cheeki Breeki.
I know it sounds funny (I laughed at it), but it's almost universally weird that the game which is focused on survival in an no man's land is named like that. 
WHATEVER. I WANTED TO PLAY THE GAME BECAUSE I LIEK S.T.A.L.K.E.R. AND I LOVE CHEEKI BREEKI!
Biggest mistake of my life.
I stole the disc from my boss, and took it home, put the disc in my computer and installed it.
I started the game and a bandit image came on screen saying: "Do you want to be cheeki breekied?"
I had 10.999876 seconds to answer it, but I pressed "Yes". The weird stuff came when I was transported to the game right away.
Even more weirdness came when instead of playing as a loner, I was playing as a bandit.
I checked the inventory and found some stuff:
- A playboy magazine (WTF?)
- A makarov pistol
- Vodka
- And a bandit suit.
I spawned in Dark Valley, with no task available on my PDA. I found out that I can talk to my bandit buddies, but all they were saying was "CHEEKI BREEKI I V DAMKE". I found that strange.
I wanted to see if there was X18 lab, and right after I came to that territory, the PDA beeped with a new task. I checked it and saw the "The Conspiracy: Stop the cheeki breeki conspiracy".
The arrow on the map pointed to X18, so I ran to it right away. I saw the monolith soldiers and I wanted to shoot them but they were neutral when I pointed the gun at them. Didn't want to break that neutrality, huh?
I got inside the lab, and I found the dead body laying close to closet. I approached it and checked it. There was an what seemed like an AKM with a Grenade Launcher titled just "cheeki breeki".
I picked up the gun and the game became crazy. Everything in the game was called "cheeki breeki": Characters, guns, and even the tasks.
I thought it was just a bug, and continued. I found those cheeki breeki every fucking where. On the walls, written with blood, on the cars... It was driving me crazy.
I got my first enemy to kill. The mutant, snork, with an face of... Nicolas Cage? 
I killed him very quickly. But more and more of these snorks came and the game crashed. Instead of the Bugtrap screen, cheeki breeki was written instead. EVERYTHING WAS IN CHEEKI BREEKI! The icons on the desktop, start button on my windows,... Everything!
END OF THE FIRST PART.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Vidya games
Category:Memes
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:TOTALLY NOT UNFINISHED U GUIZE
The Cheerleader

About a year ago there was a cheerleader named Brittany. She was cheer leading for an Alabama team. One day she was talking to AJ Makoren and asked him out on a date. After many dates they considered each other boyfriend and girlfriend.
She was madly in love with him and they talked every night on the phone. Then one night he said that he would call her so she said okay and went home. When she got home she waited for two hours for his call but nothing happened.
She heard earlier that day that he was going to a party and at TJ Yeldon's house. She went there and found the place completely empty. She went up stairs and opened the bathroom door to see AJ making out with another cheerleader, her jaw dropped and she ran home crying. When she arrived home she started making dinner on the stove and went to bed.
But she forgot to turn the stove off. 
She died that night with her face burned down to only a skull. The part that many people were baffled about is that her hair was still intact, as if the fire never reached it. Her parent were coming to visit that day and saw that the house had burnt down. They buried her the same day, the day after, her parents came to visit her grave.
There was a note etched on her tombstone it said, "I will have my revenge AJ!"
Her mother told the police and they said it was most likely a prank from someone at her school. Later on that night AJ got a knock on the door, he opened it and no one was there. He shrugged it off thinking it was a prank, so he went upstairs for a while. Then leaves started blowing into his room, AJ closed his window after picking them up and throwing them out.
The window slowly opened itself and leaves started to get blown in again, AJ got very annoyed at this and went downstairs to play some games and read a bit. When he got downstairs he saw blood splattered on the wall saying "REVENGE WILL BE MINE!"
He ran upstairs not knowing what to do, as he entered his room he was met with fire all around him and burnt to death the same way Brittany did. Then every night one by one a cheerleaders neck was slit open with a knife, burnt to death, or beheaded. Eventually it came down to one more cheerleader, she was very scared so she grabbed a cake knife and hid in her room. As her door slowly opened, wind seeped through and she saw the ghost of Brittany, Brittany moved in front of her and started to rip her soul from her body.
She woke up in her room and saw that the room had caught fire so she opened her window in a desperate attempt to climb out. When her parents got home later that night she told them all about what happened. That night her parents disappeared, she didn't know what was happening. She couldn't take the pressure anymore and stabbed herself through the skull. A police investigation was conducted and she was found to be the killer afterwards.
Category:Deletion Log Refugees
Category:Bad Creepypasta
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Pointless Violence
Category:Old Shit
The Cheers Theme

My dad has been listening to the Cheers theme on repeat for five hours and just WILL NOT STOP.
Update: It's happened. It's finally over for me and all of us. At about 5:30 this morning Woody Harrelson and Kirstie Alley broke down my front door and won't stop screaming about how they want to take us to a place where everybody already knows our names.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:TELAVISHUN
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep
Category:Shortpasta
Category:Music
The Cheshire Cat

"We're all mad here."
—The Cheshire Cat
I am not mad! I am not mad! Please! You've got to listen! The doctors don't believe me! They think I did it! But I didn't!
Let me start at the beginning. You know the story Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carol? I'm a huge fan of it. I love all the movie adaptations except the sequel by Tim Burton. My favorite characters were the Cheshire Cat and the Mad Hatter and especially Alice. One night I decided to watch the Disney adaptation for what was probably the hundredth time. It started out normally, Alice sitting near the tree with her cat. When it got to the part where Alice was falling down the rabbit hole things started to get weird. The audio became distorted and the picture turned black and white. Not black and white as in the original TVs but literally black and white. When Alice got to the room with the Drink Me bottle I started to hear a growl coming from the TV. Then suddenly, the movie cut off. An extremely disturbing picture of the Cheshire Cat began to flash on the screen. A very evil and malevolent voice started to talk.
"Down. Down the rabbit hole. Fall. Fall faster and faster. Join us in madness."
I quickly shut off the TV. The hell was going on? The movie never acted like that before. I ejected the DVD but when it came out it was covered in blood.
Over the course of the next few days, things started to get worse. I received a phone call from the police telling me that all of my friends had been brutally killed and torn apart. Every night, I heard the same voice from the TV. It kept repeating the same thing.
"Down. Down the rabbit hole. Fall. Fall faster and faster. Join us in madness."
One day, I woke up to find a quote from Alice in Wonderland written in blood on my wall. It was one of Alice's sayings. Curiouser and curiouser. As the nights went on, the voice became more hateful and horrific. Finally, one night it...it became worse. The voice was...too terrifying for me to describe in words. This time, it said something different.
"WE'RE. ALL. MAD. HERE!!!"
It started to laugh maniacally and then...everything went black. I woke up here in this asylum. The doctors said I was in my living room, covered in blood and muttering about painting the roses red.
Please you've got to help. It...it did this to me. It possessed me and made me do it. That horrific and twisted cat.
Category:Bad Creepypasta
Category:TELAVISHUN
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Read by HoodoHoodlum
The Chickens in the Walls

The heir to a vast fried chicken restaurant corporation, one Timothy le Zanders esquire the 3rd, inherited the fried chicken corporation along with an ancient mansion in Europe. Can I just say, that mansion was like a castle.
So Timothy starts to settle into this fancy European mansion of his, the insides all newly renovated (it even had indoor plumbing!), when, lo and behold, he starts to hear a flurrying and pecking and scratching within the walls.
"There are chickens in the walls!" Timothy cries to his servants. But his servants look at him as if he's gone mad, for they hear nothing but the wind howling through the valley below.
But the servants begin to have their imaginations impressed when some foxes start digging at the foundations of the walls outside. Lots and lots of foxes come from all over the countryside to dig near those walls as if it's some big party they got an invite to.
Welp, as they dig, the walls begin to crumble and Timothy falls right out of his bed and on his face with an "oof."
From out those crumbled walls issue forth an immense stampede of clucking, befouled, filth-damp chickens, clucking with phlegm-clogged throats and carrying on like berserking demon spawn. The train of that unholy procession is a mile or two long, or, for the Europeans, a certain number of kilometers. The horde of chickens that had spilled from those aged, crumbled walls devours all in its path. It takes out crops, cattle, and even sets to work on the buildings and villagers of a nearby village. It goes on straight to the coast and begins swimming across the Atlantic Ocean.
Legend has it, that enormous procession of winged beasts is swimming to America, where the headquarters of that fried chicken empire is seated.
Meanwhile, dear Timothy, crudely dispossessed of his castellated mansion, finds a crevice in the mansion's foundations. He puts some dynamite to that crevice, and with a team of archeologists discovers and explores the profane subterranean depths of an ancient temple dedicated to the old chicken god Cluckulhu.
It was in those depths that Timothy le Zanders esquire the 3rd, last scion of a massive fried chicken empire, vanished and was never seen by human eye again.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Animulz
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Inside Jokes
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep
The China Doll (1)

Ireland, During the Reign of King Henry VII
It was one of those cold and unforgiving nights common to Ireland, where the rain and fog stop anyone from leaving their house. An old crone sat hunched over, stitching a tiny dress onto a doll with a porcelain face, that looked exactly like a small child. No sooner had she stitched the last stitch on the little dress, the door of the hut was suddenly kicked off it’s hinges! It was the king’s men. They had come to kill and burn this woman, whom they thought was a witch. The woman clutched the doll to her withered body, begging them for mercy. They silenced her moans with a pike through her chest, piercing through the doll’s chest, and into the heart of the woman. Leaving her to die, the men left to get pitch to burn her hovel.
While the woman lay bleeding, she murmured some words, in an ancient and dead tongue. She began to speak louder and louder, her croaking voice growing with intensity, until she uttered the last sentence. Exhausted, she collapsed, and with a final rattling breath, died.
The doll opened her eyes…
Category:Living Objects
Category:Bad Creepypasta
Category:Old Shit
Category:TOTALLY NOT UNFINISHED U GUIZE
The Christmas Incident

When I went to my cousin's the first thing I saw was my cousin whipping his pet goblin with a whip which I don't even know how the fuck he got while yelling at the top of his lungs "IT'S THE SILLY SANTA TRIALS!" and we tried to stop him but he got pissed and tried to attack and his mother was taking a nap on the couch and we screamed for her to wake up and she did and was completely appaled by what happened and tried to stop her bitch of a son but then that thing went beast mode and acted like a rapid dog and grabbed the goblin which was half dead at this point and threw it at the wall and ran away to his room and locked the door we then rushed the goblin to the hospital (it survived but had permanent scars) and we had to spend over 5 hours I think probably longer at the pet hospital for the goblin. When we finally got back we broke down the kids door and found the window wide open with a note on the bed that basically said that we forced him to attack the goblin and he's running away, and because the mom was asleep she did not witness the whole thing and blamed us we flipped her off and went home...
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Copypasta
Category:Holidays
Category:Wall of Text
Category:Shortpasta
The Christmas On Christmas

A single mother was refilling snow globes with Christmas juice. She is widow. Her husband died in every war.
"I refill globes better than Jesus Claus, yet still my twins are dad-free. Why? They need double dad."
Business Man enters the shop. He wears clothes that cost money. His hands are briefcases, and he's Hallmark hot.
"Hi. Do your snow globes lack wet? Hurry. Christmess attacks soon."
Business Man has flashback to when he was Business Boy. A Christmas tree explodes his family on purpose. he now hates trees and Christmas and explosions. He exits the flashback.
"Shut your sound! I am from Huge City! I bought your land and I am turning it into an oil resort!"
"Rude behavior! This is a family business. I sell families. I am widow. My husband is now bones."
Single Mother pointed to her husband's bones in the corner of the room. They are all giftwrapped in eggnog.
"All of my wives are bones! That is America! But I must make money for my twins to live! They are a prince!"
"I too own twins! Please, don't have bought my land. Christmas is today!"
"Laugh. I bought Christmas and now it is never. Unless we go on dates!"
"I cannot date because of a snow curse. I pray Santa helps me."
Santa cannot help. She did not know but Santa was her husband. Santa was bones. Bones help nobody.
THE END
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Holidays
Category:DIALOGUE!
Category:Stuff Blowing Up
Category:Well, that was pointless.
Category:Shortpasta
The Christmas Tradition

Every year my hometown would select one child under twelve to bring to a spooky house at the edge of town. A scary old lady lived there surrounded by spooky tree branches and howling winds and deep snow in winter, and she had a bunch of cats. It was so scary we used to walk by there and then run away.
"Why do the kids who get selected never come back?" my friend Lola asked me one day.
"Hell if I know," I said. I tried to open the door with my hair pin but there was a forcefield around the house. Cause you're only allowed in during Christmas.
So one year I got selected. I almost peed cause I was so scared, but I went obediently anyway. My parents were freaking out and begged me to run away if I was offered candy or something, probably cause the candy was drugged or something and that was why the kids didn't come back.
"Say goodbye to your parents," the aide who came to get me said. I hugged them and said goodbye and told them not to let my little brother go in my room. Every time he does he pees on something.
It got darker and snowier as I got towards the house, but I tried not to be scared. I walked closer and then the door opened on its own.
"Come innnnn my dear," said the lady in her scary creaky voice. I did, and what I saw made me gasp loudly, my eyes grow as wide as saucers, and my heart shoot straight up my throat and then in my butt. It was so shocking I couldn't believe it, never in three million years would I imagine something like this. In a spooky old house covered in snow and spooky branches. It was so, so surprising! I can't describe just how surprising it was! But here it is.
...
All the kids that had been selected over the past fifteen years were there playing with the cats.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Holidays
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Well, that was anticlimactic.
Category:Shortpasta
The Chuckie Finster/Ned Flanders theory

Seems crazy at first, but think of it this way: What if, after All Grown Up was cancelled, Chuckie had a nervous breakdown after being publically humiliated, then developed a bad coping mechanism, leading Chaz and Kira to worry? Then they send him to therapy, and he gets an eight month long spanking for his bad behavior, and then becomes Ned Flanders?﻿
﻿There are a lot of reasons supporting this: First, even though Ned is more religious and says "diddily dum doodily" a lot, his personality is still surprisingly similar to Chuckie's. They're both pushovers, both put up with verbal abuse from people they interact with often (Angelica and Homer). And they are considered "nerds" or "'outcasts" simply because they are less cool or different than their peers. Plus, I know they don't look alike, but sometimes, as you get older, your appearance can change (sometimes dramatically). And for Chuckie, I think he starts to look like Ned more and more as he gets older. Take All Grown Up for example. He starts wearing button up shirts like Ned. Eventually, he'll wear a pink button up and a green sweater. And his head shape will become more round like Ned's. He will also cut his hair short, dye it brown, and when he gets older, he'll grow a moustache. There's just one problem: Ned's moustache is red like Chaz's. Since he doesn't want to look like his dad anymore and wants his moustache to match his hair, he dyes it brown, too. ﻿
﻿But how did it all begin? Why would he change his name? Why would he abandon his friends and family? Well, a lot of the Rugrats parents read a parenting book called Lipchitz, and since Ned is religious, he thinks books like that are evil. The reason being the dramatic alter in life? In a late 1996 episode of The Simpsons called "Hurricane Neddy", Ned has a nervous breakdown after his house is destroyed in a hurricane and verbally abuses everyone in town. Then he think's he's lost it and goes to therapy (again). In therapy, you find out a lot about Ned's childhood. First, his parents don't like discipline (I believe it has something to do with Lipchitz again), so Ned dubs them as "No good beatniks". Plus, Ned's parents bear a striking resemblance to Chaz and Kira. Creepily so. When he is finally cured, he doesn't want anything to do with being a Finster or his friends and family anymore, so he runs off to Springfield, becomes religious and assumes the identity of Ned Flanders. There are still a lot of questions regarding this: If Chuckie is Ned how does he turn yellow? Why do they still call him Ned when he was a kid? Well, the Rugrats universe is different than the Simpsons one. For example, almost all the Simpsons characters are yellow, whereas the Rugrats characters are not, so by default, he would turn yellow. And I think they still call him Ned because they don't want you to discover that he is Chuckie, thus subtly separating the two universes.﻿
Category:Trollpasta
Category:THERY
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck