Vötgil

The Language made by Jack Eisenman in 2012 called Vötgil is a conlang created by Jack Eisenmann in 2012 that is named Vötgil. It is more specifically an jokelang auxlang. 
==Background==
In case you do not have the ability to read the first sentence of Uncyclopedia articles, Vötgil was created by Jack Eisenmann in AAAAAA the world is gonna end!!!!!!!!!! year and is meant to be a simpler version of English more useful for international communication. It is based on an earlier conlang he made called Iqglic. (pronounced "English", because obviously.)
==Phonology==
Vötgil's phonology is simpler than English, but that's not saying anything. 
===Consonants===
 	Labial	Dental	Alveolar	Dorsal 	Glotal
Nasal 	m /m/ 	 	n /n/ 	q /ɲ/ 	
Stop/Plosive	b /b/
p /p/	 	d /d/
t /t/	g /g/
k /k/	
Affricate 	 	 	 	tc /tʃ/	
Fricative 	f /f/
v /v/	ð /ð/
x /θ/	s /s/
z /z/	j /ʒ/
c /ʃ/	
Approximant 	w /w/ 	 	r /ɹ/ 	y /j/ 	h /h/
Lateral 	 	 	l /l/ 	 	
One sentence: Why the hell didn't you remove the dental fricatives?
===Vowels===
 	Front	Central	Back
Close 	y /i/	i /ɪ/ 	w /u/
Close-mid	 	 	o /o/
Open-mid 	e /ɛ/	r /ɚ/ 	u /ʌ/
Open 	a /æ/	 	ö /ɑ/
...no. For an auxlang, Vötgil has so many vowels, just so many so many vowels." 
(Obscure refrence to 2015 youtube alert – im a bit excited a bit a bit excited) Also, the pronunciations of the vowels are defined with English words, which means Vötgil can be mutually unintelligible with itself!
==Orthography==
"Every letter is pronounced in exactly 1 way" ‐ Jack Eisenmann, talking about a language that uses r, y and w for approximants and vowels. He used the full Latin alphabet, but he still had 2 sounds left over, so he used eth for /ð/ and ö for /ɑ/. Which is fine, I guess? I mean, it looks weird, buuut it works. Also, since every word is exactly three letters, Vötgilisn'twrittenwithspaces. There's also the unique way of writing the alphabet, and above everything else, it's stupid. The so-called "writing system" consists of cells with four different shades of gray, making it not only computer-unfriendly but also pen-and-paper-unfriendly, a true feat even among conlangs. Wait, this language was created to ease communication in Minecraft? But that makes less sense, as no sane Minecraft player would always carry blocks wiþ all four shades of grey... I give up.
==Grammar==
Vötgil's grammar is... interesting.
===Sufferwiththisthroughmefixes===
Vötgil's suffixes are remarkably English-y. That's really all I have to say. There's not a single suffix in Vötgil that doesn't have a direct English equivalent. Remember, this is supposed to be international.
===Descriptors===
A descriptor are Vötgil's way of saying an adjective. Well, technically, they can be adverbs too, but whatever. Just make them have the same properties, you don't have to make something up. 
===WHY ON THIS PLANET EARTH ARE THERE NO FUCKIN' THIRD PERSON PRONOUNS?!===
WHY??!!
==Vocabulary==
Eisenmann: *Choosing words to include carefully*
Also Eisenmann: *Has an entirely separate word for pizza*
==Some Sample Text==
English 	Vötgil
A fish is eating the bread. 	SumFicYotÐytBre.
This land has large rocks. 	ÐisLanHavLörRökSis.
Nine trees are near the house.	NinTorSisVizNyrÐytHos.
This person runs. 	ÐytPrsRun.
Kill yourself. 	KözBymVötLivSef.
Pizza time! 	PytTem!
==Revision==
In AAAA the world's gonna end again! Year, The previous version of Vötgil was dropped onto a pizza, covering the entire manuscript with grease. The author thought that it was a great time for an update, for the phonology was too "simple" anyway.
The new version draws inspiration from many other languages:
*The unvoiced nasal stop /p̃/, articulated by holding your nose with your hand during a nasal egressive airstream
*The aspirated epiglottal affricate /ʡ͡ʢʱ/, which sounds "kinda like slaughtering a goat"
*The trapezoid rhabdomyolysive /ⱷ/, which requires immediate medical attention.
Category:Languages
Category:Made-up languages