Brian Becker

Brian Becker, (pronounced "brahinbker") a homosexual neo-environmentalist transvestite, is one of the leading sources on origination. More notably, Becker has stared in various violent pornographic films, insomuch as he has been accused of forceful homosexual acts and has faced various lawsuits and criminal charges. Becker is also known amongst his peers as the "missing link" due to his grotesque transvestite physique.
==Profession==
Becker is the author of 13 books, 3 of which are best sellers. Topics include origination, transvestitism, homosexuality, and environmental policy. Becker was also employed as a cabinet member of various environmental panels during Bill Clinton's presidency. 
===Theories on Origination===
Becker is considered one of the definitive sources on origination. He has written 5 books on the topic, has developed many theories, and has taught at top universities regarding this matter.
===Environmental Policy===
Becker claims that the environment is improving. He points to warmer summers as evidence that "global warming is making the world or more pleasant place to live in". He also makes note of the fact that God is causing global warming because he knew it would happen. He cites this as proof in his book - "God and Global Warming: the Big Plan". As a neo-environmentalist he believes that factory machines should be replaced by more Asians as both a solution to pollution and the Asian population crisis.
==Gender Issues==
Becker is often known for his self-promoted transvestitism. He is also a proud homosexual. He has been charged with rape of various teenage boys who claim "he attacked us head on. He told us to pretend to be apes. We listened. He then revealed his grotesque form..." The victims were unable to finish the story due to a recollection of some very graphic images. Becker, however, claims the teens consented. He also claims he is a woman and points to his ability to breastfeed as proof. 
==List of Acts==
In regards to Becker's flaming homosexuality and gender issues, the following acts have been reported:
Suffocating friends under his flab, wearing revealing mini skirts in public, impersonating a prostitute, walking in the manner of an ape, running into people violently while yelling gibberish, giving "Swahili lessons", and wearing bikinis.
===Juggling===
Becker can be seen juggling on most days at most times in most places. Some believe that it is just a hobby, but when questioned, he alluded to the fact that he is simply working out the milk glands in his chest, because some day he plans to breastfeed an entire village. He also likes to juggle, because it helps him improve his grip whilst performing homosexual and transvestite acts. He also has sex with his dog while juggiling
==="Mr Hands" Incident===
Becker is also believed to be a supporter of bestiality and is rumored to have appeared in the famous "Mr Hands" horse violation video. Becker claims that the horse consented to perform the sexual favors and therefore is completely innocent. Prosecutors have yet to file charges but an indictment is in the works.
===Scatological Behaviorism===
Becker has also been linked to a secret scatological underground society which promotes autoerotic masturbation while defacating. The interrectal pressure while the climax occurs excited becker during the "Mr Hands" video. Becker now snores excessively due to this leading to his banishment from many mountain retreats.
==Flab Suffocation Trial==
Becker was indicted while vacationing in Tijuana in early 2008 at a donkey show on an outstanding interpol warrant. The documents claim that he has suffocated under his flab over 120 different boys, girls and animals. He began trial soon later but escaped from jail after fondling his prison guard to death. A new warrant has been issued for his arrest. CIA and Mosad agents believe that he may be hiding in mexico, kenya, swaziland, israel, or all of the above. UPDATE: He was detained by the CIA before jumping bail and escaping. See Below.
==Alleged Smashophilism==
Becker is alleged, by an entirely unknown and unreliable source, so you know it's true, to suffer from debilitation Smashopilia (Smashophilia Nervousiosa), a disease which affects .02% of the worlds population and causes unexplained, instant disintegration of any clay-based material that comes in contact with one's skin. 
Becker is yet to speak on the topic, but it is believed he will come out and admit his illness, and probably become a poster-child for it, like that Lou Gehrig guy. 
==Troubles in Las Vegas==
On a recent trip to Las Vegas, Nevada Becker was arrested by Nevada State Police for a long list of charges relating to his stay in the fine, prim and proper city. Firstly, at a Sigfreid and Roy show, he jumped up on stage and attempted to breastfeed the Elephant that the men were trying to make disappear. After security forced him off the stage he snuck behind the curtain and began to attempt to ejaculate the tigers whilst they were still caged. He was chased into the wilderness by police. He was later seen parading up the strip with a grotesque creature called Spilyenekots Klabyash known colloquially as Rachel Firestar. Wildlife and Gaming authorities chased him once again into the wilderness however he was this time caught by Nevada State Police. After a short stint in the Bone County Temporary Lockup, he was transfered to solitary confinement after fondling his cellmate to the point of insanity and then suffocating him with his breastmilk. He is currently released on Bail and is awaiting trial.
==Bail Jumping==
Recently, upon re-entering the USA, Becker was detained and arraigned before jumping bail. Many believe he will attempt to hide out in Israel for many years. More coming....
Category:Americans
Category:Hippies