The Toxic Avenger

The Toxic Avenger is a hideously deformed creature of super human size and strength from a city located just outside of New Jersey called Tromaville. Don't get him confused with the hideously deformed human turd of super human size and stench from that band called U2. If you even think about trying to compare The Toxic Avenger to that douchebag, then Toxie, or as those of us close to him call him, Tinkerbell, will punch his way into your stomach and rip your guts out to use your lower intestines as a skipping rope while he jumps up and down on your testicles continually killing you until you fucking die a horrible and bloody death. This however is not a result of him being an out of control violent and hideously deformed monster of super human size and strength, no it's just the typical reaction by anyone if you dare compared them to Bono.
==The Anal Avenger==
The Toxic Avenger was born Melvin "Sloth" Fratelli in 1969 to Danny Devito's mom. He inherited her good looks and charms and was born into the world in 1968 through the usual way hideously deformed creatures of super human size and strength are born... via the anus. His mother took a shit into a toxic waste barrel, because the spur of the moment opportunity wasn't to be passed by in life. The end result was her turd mutated into what she first called her Corey Feldman but found out someone else gave birth to a hideously deformed piece of shit by that name, so he just called hers Melvin.
Not much is known about Melvin's upbringing, other then he has 3 brothers and can break through zoo restraint chains whenever he raises his hands in the air and screams out "ARgheheuheueughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" which is retard talk for "By the powers of Greyskull". His family kept him locked up in the basement for most of his life, and did not get to see much of the rest of the world until he was rescued by his soon bride to be Chunk. Toxie will tell you any day, "HEY YOU GUYS, TOXIE LOVE CHUNK" in that completely retarded voice he has. We know its not right to pick on retards, but I mean, come on, just listen to him, he sounds retarded.
==The First Ever Super Hero From Jersey==
New Jersey, a town where a fart is refreshing. If you have ever had the misfortune to have visited Jersey City, you will know what a dump it is to live in. New Jersey is the type of place that smells so bad that when you fart in a taxi cab in Jersey they not only roll the windows up, but the scotch-guard the windows so the scent doesn't escape.
This is due to the presence of Tromavilles #1 son Toxie. You see, years ago, Jersey was at war with New York and where getting pissed off that 99.9% of the worlds superheroes had set up shop in New York. This made New Jersey so mad that they swore that they would get one super hero that was so kick ass, he'd make Superman look like a cripple in a chair no longer able top feel anything from the neck down.
This is when they enlisted the help of Melvin, and hired him to become the first ever super hero from Jersey. Toxie's duties where to make sure people returned their rented videos on time and keep the streets clean from bullies and jocks.... oh, and the occasional demonic invasion of Earth.
==Quick Slashback==
Toxie will always be most remembered for his heroic save of his wife and his chums from Toxies very own family who wanted to steal the gold they had found on a pirate ship that was going to be used to help save their town. Unfortunately, they only had enough gold and jewels to save their own asses, not the 1000's of other people living in the town. So after living a year in a shithole with a total of 21 residents, they decided to move away to Jersey where they could enjoy being in a simmilar shithole, but at least there was a lot more shitheaded residents to be around... plus all the girls don't mind getting naked for no fucking reason at all!
When Toxie and Chunk arrived in Jersey, a light went off in Toxies head and he knew what he had to do. Then after Toxie had taken that massive crap he needed to do, he searched the Tromaville News Paper for a job. His only qualifications and skills where being that of a hideously deformed creature of super human size and strength... oh, and also his special retarded mind power... so it was only natural that he wanted to become a political douche-bag and release a hit album then milk it for all its worth by playing the same crap songs over and over again for the next 20 years at "we had a hit song once, now save the fuckin trees" benefit concerts... but even Toxie was smart enough not to follow in the footsteps of a group so gay they have a member who actually makes people call him "Mr. The Edge".
==Toxic Legacy==
Toxie is the only super-hero from New Jersey. There will never be another one, due to Toxie stinking up the place with the toxic waste from his diahrettic ass blasts that he shoots at the bad guys when they are fleeing, yet Toxie has never managed to hit a single thing he has aimed it at yet. Sure, he's splattered pretty much every innocent bystander, but never the main target. This is why people have voted Toxie to be the Mayor of Tromaville, NJ. They figured that his special spethshall power called the "New Jersey Political Toxie Movement" may as well be Mayor due to it being unable to stop crime and corruption and instead shit's all over the innocent.
==Personal Life==
Toxie is soon to be Married to Chunky. They planned to be married several years ago, but it's taking much longer then expected for an anti-toxic wedding dress big enough to be able to fit Chunks fat ass. A dress was almost completed in 2004 but Toxie's Spider Senses detected that the dress was being made by exploited children in Korea, so Toxie went on an adventure to Korea to put a stop to the child slavery dictatorship. Once there he shit all over the almost complete dress and ripped the heads off every child working on it all because because Kim Jong-Il told Toxie that he had heard a rumor that the kids where saying he looked like a gigantic piece of Bono.
==Related Links==
* Monster 
* Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
* Superheroes
* Puddle of shit
* Useless articles
* The Goodies
* Biggest Douchebags Ever
* Save a tree foundation	
* New Jersey
* New York City
* Toxic Sludge
* Radioactive cheese
* Nuclear
* Cheesy Gordita Crunch
* Douche-bags that will attend the opening of a letter for publicity	
* Lloyd Koffman
* Mop Boy
* Ballina
* Troma Homa Sexual Rights
* Museum of Bad Sex
* Gratuitous Anime Panty Shot
Category:Superheroes
Category:Articles about a subject written in the style of fans of the subject
Category:Pages that look like the things they're about