DOUGWALKER.EXE

Guys I don't think I can go on living after what I experienced. It was so traumatizing that I think I am actually going to die tonight. I'm literally pissing and shitting in my pants right now as we speak. It's soaking into my underwear and pants and it's running down my leg and puddling down at my feet. I have a loaded 45 on my desk but I don't think it's going to help much. He's coming… he's too fast for me!! He never forgets… he remembers it… so you don't have to……
It all started last week. I was doing my favorite pastime: watching some good ol nostalgia critic. For those of you who don't know, he'es the nostalgia critic, he remembers it so you don't have to. I was watching his classic let's play of bebe's kids when I got a notification that said "new video from Channel Awesome"! Eagerly i clicked it and realized I was the first viewer to see the video, so I quickly left a comment leaving my support for my favorite creator when he suddenly stopped speaking in the video and looked down to the bottom of the screen. Looking back up, he looked directly at the camera ans said "that's all? A comment?"
I became so scared that I had a mild stroke and collapsed to the floor. The whole time I could hear critic going "get the fuck up!! Get up pussy!!!" while laughing maniacally. Once I finally got back up in my seat, I assumed this must be a youtube bug or something and went to close out the window, only to find that it wouldn't close. I opened task manager and tried to end the task, but that didn't work either. I tried everything to turn the video off, even unplugging the pc, but none of it worked, and doug continued to taunt me throughout. I nearly shit my pants when he began calling me vile epithets and saying he was going to kill everyone I love.
When I tried to run out of the room, I looked down the narrow hallway and at the other end stood malcolm from all of the nostalgia critics hilarious skits as he briskly approached me with an inhumanly wide smile on his face. Fearing that he would start breaking all my stuff, I began throwing it all out the window for safe keeping. It was then that I realized… doug was coming out of the computer. By now i thought this was all some sick prank by the government (which follows my every move), trying to make me go insane so I kill myself. Well they may yet have their wish!!!
I began throwing shit at doug. Malcolm was now aggressively beating on my door and screaming, but nothing seemed to be stopping him. I decided that I had no choice but to throw myself out the window, resulting in me breaking both my legs on the pavement below. Luckily i had trained for this exact situation, so i was able to walk on my arms toward my car and get in. As I tried to peel out of the driveway, I realized i couldn't use the pedals and so was completely helpless as doug slowly floated down toward me with a sick grin on his face.
As I prayed to Allah, I soon saw malcolm race over and jump on top of my car, using a nostalgia-critic-branded metal cutter to try and get inside. I decided fuck it and reached my arm down to the gas pedal, quickly exiting my driveway and out into traffic. I was actually very excellent at maneuvering my way onto the freeway with this crazy fucking dude jockeying my car the whole time. I soon realized that doug walker was now completely butt ass naked with all the hair on his face and nuts shaved off, running toward me like linkara with a really bad green screen behind him. His teeth were clenched tightly together into an evil grin as he pursued, and I knew i could never escape.
Soon I became involved in a 47 car pile up (i tailgate like mad) and Malcolm was killed. As Doug climbed onto my car and began fisting my windshield trying to break through, I quickly reached under my seat and pulled out my loaded 45 that I keep in case any pigs try to ticket me and began firing at Doug. I have no idea how, but he managed to avoid every bullet I fired at him. Out of ammo, I hopped out of the car and began running on my arms into the woods. However, I realized that doug now has his famous gun aimed at me, giving me a menacing look.
"What do you want from me???" I screamed at the top of my lungs.
"YOU'RE SOUL!!!!" he boomed, as his eyes and mouth became black voids with hyperrealistic blood coming out! (!!!)
As the cops arrived and tried to sureound the nostalgia critic, his body contorted and twisted to fire off his gun at every one of them in a fraction of a second, his head not moving an inch as his focus remained on me. I thought this was the end. My entire life flashed before my eyes, making me cry even harder over all the marvel movies i never got to see and the video games i never got to play.
Everything went black around me, leaving just me and doug in a black void of nothingness. Critics head cocked back as slimy black tentacles emerged from his mouth and back, grabbing me and squeezing all the fluid from my body. Piss and cum sprayed from my dick, stanky shit erupted from my ass, and blood shot out of every pore on my body. Its a miracle I'm still alive… i was only stopped from being killed when another figure suddenly appeared in the void...
It was angy joe. critic ccoked his head back to look at hmi, as joe began viuoklently screehing amnd setthing. 
"THIS GUY'S FUCKNGIN WITH ME!!!! FIANL FANTSY DID CAME OUY THIS YREA!!!!111234 ITH FUNCIMKNG GAMIN OUT!!!@!!#!@#$" Joe said to critic
Critic became distracted, allowing me to free myself from his grasp and grab his famous gun. Quickly popping off a few rounds, bright light began to emerge from the places i had shot critic. He began screaming and crying hysterically as the light overtook him and his body disintegrated. In his final moments I heard him scream "I AM GOOOOOOD!!!!!11". The black void dispersed, and i realized that was the end of it. I thanked angry joe for all his help in stopping the nostalgic critic.
"HE FUCKD WHIT ME!!! HE FUCNKNI CAME AT ME!@!#" he said befoer exploding
It's been three months since the critic nearly taked over the world. I can assure you that i have NO nostalgia for that day, and i will NOT remember it so you don't have to. His words "i am god" still haunt my dreams and nightmares to this very day, and I'm at my wits end. I am going to kill myself tongiht. Tell my friends and family and my dog William that i love them all dearly, but this is the end for me. I am going to ingest all the drugs in my medicine cabinet before shooting myself twice in the back of the head and throwing myself off my balcony. That should do it. Goodbye cruel world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:COMPUTERS AND INTERWEBZ
Category:SUPR SKAREY IMAG
Category:Stupid is as the main character does
Category:DIALOGUE!
Category:Im died