Ash's Biggest Suicide - The Parody

The year was 20X6, and I was only six. (Which shockingly mens I was born in 20X0, since 20X6 - 6 deifnitely = 19X0, and using my not humping to conclsuvoions logic, me bon in 2000)I started school late because I never ate my lunch. Dång. Around that time, I was a giant Pokémon fan, both figuratively (which lead to c**) and literally. I was the size of a skyscraper, which is why school was always hard, as I'd usually end up accidentally smashing the whole school with one mis-step. Anyway, I collected just about everything and everyone I could that related to Pokémon. I had stacks of Pokémon cards, and tons of Pokémon toys, including shoes and clothing, and clothing for my toys, and shoes for my shoes. I never missed a Pokémon episode either, I'd watch it everyday it came on. But there is one episode in particular that was aired once and never aired again, ever, ever, EVER. EVER!!!!! This episode has scarred me for life, and not because it killed all of my brain cells, but because it gave me wet dreams for about 6 months. Every night I'd have that same wet dream. The wet dream was about the episode that I saw, it was like I had a brain, just like I remember it.  And Bob got his head stuck in a box! Poor Bob.
Here is what I along with many other children had saw in the New 20X6, Free Country, area on the morning of June 6th, 20X6.
The episode started out like every other episode would, with the Annoying Orange Drama Islands theme song from the second season. Then the intro somehow went reverse. Then after the intro ended, a text showed up. The episode was called "Ash's Biggest Meatiest Clawicide!". All of a sudden, Mr. Krabs yelled "What did you say, PUNK?" "BIGGEST, MEATIEST, CLAWICIDE!" "WELL, these claws ain't for just attracting mates!" "BRING IT ON!" As the episode starts, Ash, Misty, and for some reason Brock replaces Tracey which is very odd [Engrish!] The gang are heading to a Pokémon Arts and Minecrafts Tournament. Ash asks Brock why they are going to an Arts and Minecrafts Tournament and Brock responds by saying "It helps." Ash responds by saying "But Brock, it's just Arts and Minecrafts" then Brock gets real red in the face and responds in a very angry voice "ASH!!! WE ARE GOING TO FUCK EVERY VIEWER OF THIS SHOW. AND THAT'S A FACT, JACK!!!" Ash then gets very upset because it's unlike Brock to get this angry, and what's worse, cursing! On television! The worst thing ever! Mama Mia! [Insert "narrator gets sent to a mental institution joke" here] *Laugh track*
The gang shrugs it off and they continue to the tournament. As they arrive, Walter white appear and say . that was scaur cuz he enticed us To go o te horible site know n as Baldi's Basics CHAOTIC Fanon Wiki and edit its pages!. Also, he wsaid "Go to Baldi's Basics CHAOTIC Fanon Wiki right nooooooooooooooooooow"! That's so scary! Gary the sneil is there spending time with a Squidward of some sort. His Pokémon were helping Gary and the Squidward put up the Tournament decorations. It was in a warehouse. Ash then noticed something strange. He looked under the Arts and Minecrafts table and there was an unusual item that caught his eye. Ash reached for it and then something goofy and wacky happened. Ash heard a beeping noise, then out of the blue it made Ash explode. When Misty and Brock looked over to the table, what they had saw was very disturbing. Ash had exploded. "PIKACHU, YOU ARE GONNA FINISH YOUR DESSERT, AND YOU ARE GONNA LIKE IT!!! Bahahahaha!" Then Team Rocket suddenly appeared, up to no good as usual [Sonic Sez joke goes here]. Meowth then screams, "DAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT BY EXPLODE, YOU BAHNACLE HEAD!" in his usual accent. "Oh, good one Meowth!" said Ash. Jesse and James then rush over and snatched Pikachu, who is sobbing over Ash screaming at him.
Brock then throws out his Onix, and challenges them to a battle.
"ONIX!!! YOU ARE GONNA KILL TEAM ROCKET, AND YOU ARE GONNA LIKE IT!!!" Brock shouted. Ash got mad because Brock copied what he said, only making minor changes. Strangely, Team Rocket didn't even recite their motto like they do in every episode. What's more is that everybody else, excluding Brock and Misty, were having fun at the other Arts and Minecrafts tables like nothing happened. As Onix tried to eat its desse- erm, kill Team Rocket (Sorry Ash, that line was too good) Meowth jumped into a larger Meowth, and yet an even bigger Meowth, and a Meowth bigger than that, and of course a bigger Meowth, leading to the biggest Meowth which had cannons for eyes, and for the head it is said Meowth, as usual. But the cannons on the arms, I mean eyes, looked really huge, this Meowth on top of a Meowth on top of another Meowth and another Meowth was at least the size of the sky. The arms were also the sky. Wow, that's wacky. "Fire Meowth!" Jessie exclaimed to Meowth. "I'M ON JESS! ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)" Meowth responded, in a gulping tone. Meowth then fired the cannon at Onix while a force field began to form over the big ol' stack of Meowths, and Team Rocket fired an atomic bomb that was gonna make everyone explode just like Ash did. James could be heard in the background laughing like a maniac. Misty screamed "TOGEPI, YOU ARE GONNA FINISH YOUR DESSERT, AND YOU ARE GONNA LIKE IT!!!" at the top of her lungs when the bomb hit, along with every single other Pokémon trainer in the island all at the same time, which really hurt my ears. I mean, can you imagine every single person around you screaming about eating dessert all at the same time? Geez. The entire Annoying Orange Drama Islands could be heard screaming about dessert from several continents away. Ash got incredibly angry because literally everyone around him was screaming his awesome line, which he did technically steal from SpongeBob, but still. Team Rocket then blasted off again.
This is where I thought the episode had ended, but NOOOPE. It kept going for at least another 30 million years, but hey, I'm not done telling the story yet (I did not insert that part there. That was actually in there originally. The original writer obviously failed several English exams as far as I could tell.) As soon as Team rocket blasted away, a whisper was heard in the background. "Reach into thy night, so that era comes to a haulting stop". Ash can be seen at the very bottom with a light reflecting over his light, he started calming down after he exploded at Pikachu. Ash then starts swimming to the surface when all of a sudden, Luigi rushes in and grabs Ash, which is weird because this was about Pokémon, not Super Mario. Ash then notices he is on a flying Luigi. as they come up through the ocean's surface, a horrifying scream was heard down at the bottom of the island. Ash asks Luigi what the sound was, and Luigi turned around, looked at Ash, and said "YOSHI COINS!" he then drops Ash off of his back and flies away FURIOUSLY!!! Ash then fell very hard down to the island. He soon finds out that the scream he heard was from Brock Brock and Brock. And Misty. Ash sees Brock Brock and Brock and Misty screaming at their Pokémon because they weren't eating their dessert, which is understandable because what kind of moron doesn't want to eat dessert? Ash was furious at them for stealing his SpongeBob line again.
An Idiot Box was seen flying over the island and it squashed Ash. Inside of the Idiot Box is Ash Ketchup (Ash's mother) and Ash Mustard. They ask Ash why everyone was screaming about dessert. He responds very angrily, "WHY DID THEY HAVE TO STEAL MY LINE THAT I GOT FROM WATCHING SPONGEBOB 24/7?!" Ash Mustard then tells him to calm down, and then Ash opened the Idiot Box door and took Ash Ketchup and Mustard with him. As soon they landed, they all exploded. Yeah, you know, about the dessert and stuff, it's already happened like ten times before in this Creepy Pasta slash Scary Spaghetti slash Ravenous Ravioli
(Ravioli give me the formuoli) slash Poignant Penne. Anyway, I had just seen the worst. Ash Ketchum and Ketchup and Mustard and everyone else on the Annoying Orange Drama Island had been turned into cows, because that's what happens when you scream about dessert one too many times. It was so disturbing that the Tee Vee exploded because it was deaf scared, so that's why I have no evidence. Then in the next scene, the Tee Vee is back to normal. I guess the explosion was a glitch. The episode cuts to a scene of Team Rocket with Pikachu. Pikachu has been turned into a cow, which was strange since he never screamed about dessert, but I guess that's just what happens when you're exposed to a huge crowd of dessert screamers.
Robotnik McPingas then makes alien zombies who kill Pikachu, Ash Ketchum slash Ketchup slash Mustard, Ass Kitchep, and Team Rocket. Then they regenerated after they died, because in the original pasta Ash randomly regenerates in the ocean with absolutely no explanation as to of why, even after it was CLEARLY established that the Team Rocket grenade he found under the Arts and Crafts table killed him, so if the original pasta that was actually attempting to be serious did it, why not do it here? Anyway, after breaking the fourth wall, Robotnik kills Ash AGAIN with his Pingas 9000 Machine. But WAIT, it turns out it was all a dream! WHAT A SHOK ENDING! Ash wakes up, but EVIL PATRIXXX (Sudden lighting strike and little girl screaming for dramatic effect in the background) is under the bed. Ash killed him with a broom but it turns out that you can't kill PATRIXXX, evil or no. EVIL PATRIXXX 20XXX6 tries to kill Ash, but then Ash says "That dank Shrek is life maymay is overrated", causing Shrek to commit Big Meaty Clawicide (What did you just say, PUNK?) Spodermen and Giygas kill Ash but he regenerates AGAIN for absolutely no reason.
It was 20X6 right now in real life and the world was destroyed in 2012, making Ash and Robotnik the only survivors, which begs the question of how I'm still alive and typing this in 20X6. Well, it actually turns out that I WAS ASH THE WHOLE TIME! GASP! All of a sudden, Illuminati UFOs try to kill us but Robotnik kills them with his Pingas. Overused Shitty Memes attack them. Their leader is Darude Sandstorm. The annoying Darude Sandstorm comments caused the whole apocalypse. I kills Darude Sandstorm with a gun, which turned the world back to normal and made everyone regenerate AGAAAIN. So we thought everything was back to normal now. But then, EVIL PATRIXXX appeared! DUN DUN DUNNN! And everyone died. The end.
That didn't help at all.
Category:Bad Fanfiction
Category:Satire
Category:Pokemon
Category:Lost Episodes
Category:Suicide
Category:Dreams
Category:DIALOGUE!
Category:EVIL PATRIXXX
Category:SpongeBob