Payday 2 Beta.exe

Some of you might have heard of Overkill's hit game "Payday 2", i myself was a big Payday 2 fan too but now... I can barely heard that name witouth thinking about suicide...
===Chapter 1: IT BEGINS!!!!===
It all started a few days ago, me and my friends were playing Payday 2 on our pcs when the topic of how Overkill got the idea and how the Beta/Alpha stager must have been like. We discussed for 5 hours and 33 minutes about this topic while paying the game and grinding Ukrainian Job and eventually came to te conclusion we should get a alpha copy of the game non-steam and see how it was like!
I searched for a copy for along time around the internet and other stores but couldn't find anything,when i eventually found a garage sale on Ebay that had a supposed alpha copy of the game, i visited the man who arranged the garage sale and he was said he was an intern at Overkill and thats how he got the copy of the game, he looked weird too, he had a long red beard, orange glasses, and soul piercing green eyes, he also insisted his name was "Beard" and that he somehow survived a nuking on San Diego, said nuking never happened.
I asked him how much he wanted for the game and he said: "You can take for free, that game killed my friend Jacket you know? your probably next too if you play it."
I ignored what he said thinking it was some sort of idiotic joke and went back home with the game of course. I told all my friends about the alpha copy i got and gave them all digital copies too, we agreed it would be best if we all played it togheter and experienced the magical alpha Payday 2 experience experimentaly togheter because it would be more fun that way. But when i went to put the game in my computer i noticed how the case looked like:
It was completly black with the words "Payday 2 Alpha" written on it with a black sharpie (dont ask me how i read it).
When i went in to put the disc in my computer, my computer started to emit a loud screaching noise from the speaker as if it was screaming to not put the disc in... I should have listened to him.
===Chapter 2: Britman===
I launched the game and it had no music or intros, it just jumped straight to the title screen i nearly shit myself when i saw it for the first time:
The title read "Painday 2" and the only option available are "Murder". "Dallas The Dollar Grabber" were looking straight at me with an red dot at the middle of his black eyes i was level 666 and every skill tree was modified, the Mastermid was called "Eviloverlord", Enforcer "Doomguy, Technician "Iambecomedeath" and Ghost "Manhitter". Instead of money i had "soul" and 1K of them, the offshore account was now "Hell Account" and i had 6 point in each tree.
"OMG" i screamed out loud to myself "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT" i continued, i didn't know what to do, but since i had no choise i clicked "MurDERr" and braced myself, knowing what was about to happen wouldn't be anything good.
After i clciket on "MurDER" it went to straight to the preparation stage of a heist called "Hoxton's Broken Bones" the description said "Britman failed Dallas, and Dallas hungers for more Dollars, make Britman pay". "Who the hell is Britman?" i tought to myself, i noticed i only had one weapon called "Dallas's Pimp Ass Gun" and it had no picture, i didn't have equipment, armor, anything really, except for my primary wepon "Dallas's Pimp Ass Gun", Bain said with a sad tone "I'm sorry about this guys, i tried to convince or atleast delay HIM but i didn't manage to do much, for now just follow his lead and pray for the best, i don't think there's any salvation for us anymore." "WHAT THE FUCKING SHIT IS THIS EMO CRAP" i yelled and then i noticed that Old Hoxton was Britman "OH NOOOOOOOOO!!!" i screamed, i loved Old Hoxton and fantasized about him on a daily basis, no he can't really be... the must be something i can do.
I started the heist while a single tear rolled down my cheek, Bain said nothing and the heist just started, i was playing as "Dallas The Dollar Grabber" and it was a bank heist, and there was blood everywhere, it was incredibly realistic almost hyperly so! the objective said "Nobody's inocent, now, Murder" Dallas instantly put on his mask and said "You know these are real people right? (chukles), now go and murder them" Dallas held his fingers up pointing as if his hands were a pistol or something, i shoot once and Dallas yelled at the top of his lungs "BANG!" and then a huge ammount of flames came from his finger as if it were a flametrower. My god. His hands ARE WEAPONS!!! HIS HANDS ARE NOTHING MORE BUT KILLING MACHINES MADE TO KILL!!. I did the heist as normal, there were almost no enemies trouought the entire thing and Dallas was very offensive towards his teamates saying things like "WOLF, COME WITH ME BEFORE I FUCK YOUR BRAINS OUT!" and "HEY HOXTON, GET THE FUCK OVER HERE BEFORE I FUCK YOU JUST LIKE I FUCKED YOUR WIFE!" and whatnot, and his teamates acted scared pleading every time they made a mistake or even talked to Dallas at all.
At the end of the heist after we escaped i got a call from my bhrittis friend saying he was in a cosplay convention and there was some guy dressed as Dallas watching him and he was scared! he kept talking about how "there was something demonic about that Dallas" and that he was "always watching witouth any eyes" near the end of the conversation he started to run and scream, and the conversation ended. After this i looked in my screen and screamed in terror. Dallas was there, holding my friends head. I watched in terror as Dallas skullfucked my friend and afterwards looked at me saying "Go To Sleep". After this i choose a payday card (i got the "punisher" mod for "Dallas's Pimp Ass Gun") and went to sleep.
===Chapter 3: Carnivore Canine===
I heard my friend was dead by unknow causes and had a nightmare where Dallas was chasing me yelling "BANG!" and trying to burn me, after i woke up my computer was already turned on and it had the Payday 2 Alpha or "Painday 2" on the screen i almost shit myself again after i looked at it.
Dallas was there again watching me as i slept, and now Old Hoxton's disembodied head was there too with a hiperrealistic tear running down his check, there was also a "G" and a arrow pointing towards Dallas, Hoxton's head looked hiperrealistic as if someone actually killed someone and taped his head onto my screen.
I had no choise so i choose MurDER again and this time we went to a heist called "Dancing With Carnivore Canines", once again no weapons, the description said "You have done well, Dallas is happy, but not my much, you don't satisfy Dallas The Dollar Grabber yet, let's go hunting for wolves shall we?" i knew exactly what was about to happen, one of my friends was a bit mentally unstabble just like wolf, great, now another one of my beloved Senpais are gonna die and my friend has to go with him.
I cried many salty tears for them.
And them i started the heist, this time it was a four stores heist, and there was blood everywhere just like the bank heist, unlike the bank heist however we were stealing pieces of a nuclear warhead, and Hoxton wanst present. What the hell did this monstruos Dallas want with a nuclear warhead? i was scared to go on, but i had no choise, suddenly, Cloakers, millions upon millions of Cloakers, everyone died except for Dallas, even Bain said so "Wolf is now in Hell's custody" and "Jacket in hell's custory", i still completed the heist and Dallas said:
"My dick is on the rise, like a FUCKING SPUTNIK!!!"
He then ripped wolf's head off and skullfucked him aswell. Once again my friend died from unatural causes only i knew what had happened to him and i was the only one who could stop this devil that is "Dallas The Dollar Grabber", i did some research and discovered that this Dallas was not the same Dallas i knew and loved, and he was actually a demon from another universe who was trying to take over our's. The game worked like a television, so we could see how everything was on his universe, his universe was protected by a "Painday Gang", seven persons each one of them character from the game we all loved but sick twisted, all of them were like "Dallas The Dollar Grabber" or should i say "Rebbarg Rallod Eht Sallad" as this Dallas was the complete opposite of what our Dallas was like so this name seems pretty apropriate.
I then choose a payday card (i won an infamous mask called "The Midnight Rapist") and went to sleep.
===Chapter 4: Strechy Arms===
Another day, another nightmare this time "Rebbarg Rallod Eht Sallad" was skullfucking me. My computer was erect (turned on) and Painday 2 was on, i nearly shit myself yet again when i saw the tittle.
Wolf's dissembodied head was HyperRealistic aswell, and another letter appeared next to the "G", an "O".
Could this game be the work of the Ilumminati?
A weapon that could kill anything in terrible ways like this, it has "Ilumminati" written all over it with a hyperrealistic red sharpie!
I plan on taking my own life soon enough, but as i have no choise i choose murder and moved on to the third and hopefully last heist "Strechy Arms Workout".
It only made sense Sallad would leave Jacket for last, i played Hotline Miami and knew how much of a badass he was, Sallad wanted a challenge, and he hoped Jacket would be one.
This thime, it was GO bank and i all i had to do was kill all the civilians in the map and then i won already, it was incredibly easy as "Dallas's" or should i say "Sallad's" "Pimp Ass Gun" was incredibly overpowered, after i was done with it, Sallad's killed Jacket and skullfucked him in the ass, another one of my friiends dead, this time a bit of a sociophatic one, i choose yet another payday card, and yet anohter one my friends dieded, but that payday card, i did not see that coming... it read "Your Next".
I went to sleep.
===Final Chapter: Upstanding Citzen You===
I woke up and the computer was on, i nearly shit myself blah blah blah you know how the story goes.
Blah Blah hyperrealism Blah.
What did interest me tought was the new letter in the menu: "D" it speled out "GOD" with an arrow pointing towards Sallad's. It all made sense now, why all this mindless killing skullfucking was leading up to, Sallad's was trying to prove himself as a God, killing everyone of his crewmenber and taking his universe over all for himself, he was a Demon toying with his little pets, like the Demon he is and i must kill him if i can. I'll try. Pray for me.
Anyways, i had no choise so i picked up "MurDER" and went to what had to be the last heist, this time it was "Upstanding Citzen You", so that's how it is right? he killed everyone who ever saw him and now it was my time. I loaded my double barreled shotgun and magnun, and put on some armor aswell, before starting the heist. This thime, the heist was in my neightborhood, i robbed the local bank and won the heist easyly, after this, the breaking point, static appeared followed by the most horrifing picture i have ever seen in my life:
I couldn't hold it in anymore, i shit myself. my computer turned off on itself and exploded. And everything was lovely for a shot period of time, then it happened.
I was eating salad and talking to my boss, when i asked him: "is it time for me to die yet?" and he said ? "Yes, get your PAYDAY right here", i looked down and noticed my salad had turned into Sallad and then he skullfucked me and i dead.
The End.
Or is it?
Yes it is.
Category:Satire
Category:Demins and Debbils
Category:Im died
Category:Stuff Blowing Up
Category:SUPR SKAREY IMAG
Category:Crappy ms paint drawings
Category:Loads of Characters
Category:Stupid is as the main character does
Category:Vidya games
Category:File Extensions
Category:Cliche Madness
Category:Well, that was anticlimactic.
Category:WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT
Category:YT Readings
Category:WHAT A TWIST!
Category:English Class Failure
Category:Trollpasta