Get Out Of My Way

Hey look, I'll be the first one to tell ya, I'm an 80's kid. I was born in a UK hospital on November 13, 1971, the same day the Gummy Bear album was unleashed on the world only 36 years later. It is only now after living through a truly traumatic experience that I can definitively say, evil is real; and it lives among us.
The year was 1987. I was 16, and working at my first minimum wage job. It went as well as any minimum wage job goes. Dealing with the usual customers, stocking shelves, the typical stuff. However, the course of my entire life on this planet changed for the worse on one fateful autumn day.
The day began as any other. I hopped onto my sleek, black BMX bike and pedaled hastily to the Tesco near where I lived (I worked there). I walked in, said hello to my manager, my coworkers, and got on with my shift. I walked into the back and to my surprise there was a peculiarly large shipment of. . . sausage rolls. Tesco's own brand to be exact. This perplexed me. This food item is usually sold out, leaving us with days upon days of empty shelves. I thought to myself, "Oh, well I guess it's a good thing we got a large shipment this time around." Boy, was I wrong.
The day had gone on for some time and I looked at the clock. 6 p.m. Just about the time the usual rush of customers starts to slow down, but today was strangely different. I don't know why, but at 6:10 sharp something URGED me to look towards our front door.
A man walked in. On any other day he would have looked like any other Joe Schmo. When I looked at this man, something jumped out at me. He had jet black hair, the kind of jet black that they say black holes are made of. He was wearing a simple white t-shirt. The color white was alluring. A color often associated with purity and innocence, but there was absolutely nothing innocent or pure about this man. He wore a pair of typical blue jeans, and strangely no shoes. What kind of primal animal would wear no shoes? Doesn't he know our policy? No shoes, no service.
I could tell just by look in his eyes that this man was on a mission, and nothing was stopping him. He made a beeline towards the aisle in which we stock our sausage rolls. Tesco store brand sausage rolls were of no laughing matter around these parts. Customers would travel from all parts of the country to swarm the many other Tesco stores, burdening the poor minimum wage retail workers with their vile swarm of impish rage. Understanding this, I realized something. This man was enraged at the thought that he might not be able to get his sausage rolls. I saw him enter the aisle, and when he noticed we were out of stock his demeanor, and my life, changed forever.
I approached him with a cautious gait. He just stood there menacingly, gazing with hollow eyes at our recently emptied shelves. Somehow, I knew what he was looking for. As I began to approach, I said to him, "Sir, we just got a really large shipment of sausage rolls in the back. Would you like me to go check for you?"
He grunted in approval, and I worked my way towards the back of the store. I had remembered back to earlier that day, when I had seen many pallets filled with Tesco brand sausage rolls. I burst through the back warehouse doors, somehow knowing that this business had a certain unexplained urgency. However, to my surprise, everything was gone. Every last package of sausage rolls were gone. WHERE DID THEY GO? I felt absolutely sick to my stomach, almost as if I could vomit. What would I say to this man, who had obviously traveled far and wide in search of delicious Tesco brand sausage rolls? My mind began racing as I ventured back out onto the sales floor.
I came to the aisle where he stood and told him of the sudden vanishing of the rolls. He looked at me with flaming eyes of hate and disdain. Full of disgust; malice, if you will. The devil's eyes. He wasn't a particularly large man; however, I could feel a certain aura radiating from him. One of unbridled will, that of a man who will stop at nothing to achieve his goal. I shuddered, sweat beading on my forehead as I thought and speculated maddeningly on what he would do next. Before I could move to make a call to security, the unthinkable happened. He broke from his imposing position into a full, animalistic sprint. I could've compared him to a rabid chimpanzee with how manic his actions were.
There was no time. Just before he made his way to me, he effortlessly slashed his way through an aisle filled with customers, ravaging their bodies into tragically unidentifiable pulps. I was almost in awe at the unholy strength and tenacity being exhibited right before my eyes, but there was nothing that could've prepared me for the sound of his voice...dripping with abhorrence at my apparent misdeed.
His impish caterwauling was other-worldly. His near-ethereal gurgle cut through the tormented and harrowing screams of women and children throughout the store. Thus spoke the devil, "GET OUT OF MY WAY, GET OUT OF MY WAY!"
To this day, his words still echo within the depths of my subconscious. My life has been meaningless ever since. "Get out of my way. . . get out of my way". Such simple words. Every waking hour of my life has been consumed with everlasting fire and brimstone since that fateful day. I only wonder what perdition that man has wrought on other Tesco employees. I sit every day wishing that this never happened to me. Wondering what my life would be like without having experienced such a force, my life has been reduced to nihilistic emptiness. Does God exist? Why would he allow such a mephistophelian being to roam free upon this once-good planet? Do you think God stays in heaven because he, too, lives in fear of what he's created here on earth? One can only wonder.
Surprisingly enough, I haven't heard of any other incidents. The scariest part of it all is that this man; this THING, could still be at large. Can I even call this THING a man? I shudder at the thought of such an infernal, demonic entity still loose within this world. God help us all.
GET.
OUT.
OF.
MY.
WAY.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Overused Running Gag
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck