The /x/ Pasta Collection

A collection of very short fictional stories that were all uploaded to 4chan's /x/ board in 2007, with some dating as far back as 2003. As they're not really worth uploading as their own individual pages, we've decided to make this page to host them instead. The majority of these aren't available anywhere else online, or are difficult to find.
==Creepypastas==
===Coke===
The secret ingredient in Coke isn't known even to its creator. Supposedly the guy who invented Coke made a deal with a demon-possessed guythe demon puts in a final ingredient, one that will be in all Cokes ever made until the End Times, and the guy's product will outlast his own life. They're making so many new kinds of Coke because the secret ingredient, whatever it is, isn't showing up anymore. They're trying to mask the taste.
===Frame 666===
The 666th frame of every Halloween-themed movie, cartoon, or TV special depicts a basement with a corpse moldering in the corner; these frames are often removed from the final film, but one can find them on occasion. If you were to put the frames together, in chronological order of the release of the film it comes from, a short film is revealed. The film depicts the corpse's violent death in reverse. The final frame will be a picture of yourself, sitting before your tv, viewing the final frame of the film.
===Swiss Francs===
If you take any Swiss Franc note and expose it to microwaves, it will curl up and ignite. Once it's cooled down, you'll find a fine powder that, when ingested, will kill you painlessly. A 10 franc note has enough poison to kill a family of four.
===The Graveyard===
At a graveyard in Baltimore, there's a life-sized statue of a woman sitting on a bench, looking sorrowful and having her arms outstretched. Her name was Agnes. If you sit in her lap from dawn until dusk on any ordinary night, nothing will happen. However, if you try it on a night where the moon is full, you will die. Aggie has a superhuman grip, and she will keep you locked in her arms until you die. And the expression of sorrow will be replaced by one of triumph.
===Antarctic Ice===
The Antarctic ice only reaches some 800 km inland. After that is a slowly rising plain of volcanic gravel swept by gravity-driven winds from the hub of the conical continent, on top of which is the true South Pole. No satellite images exist of the ice-free inland. The pics you see are either stretched from existing photos (such as the one in Google Earth) or photoshopped.
===Ashes===
The ashes of the guitar burned by Jimi Hendrix at the 1967 Monterey Pop Festival were saved by a stage technician and passed along to "The Legion", a sect of the Hell's Angels which practiced ritual magick. The ashes were mixed with blood and clay and formed into a talisman with the rough appearance of a wolf. Possession of the talisman confers upon its hold numerous talents, including telepathy, precognition, enhanced strength, and prodigious sexual prowess. It is legend among cycle clubs and gangs to this day that the world will end when the talisman is broken.
===The Bas-Relief===
Every 23,375 days, exactly at 12:04PM (at exactly 64 equal rotations of the planet) at zero degrees latitude, and zero degrees longitude, the tide of the ocean will suddenly drop, a building roughly the size of three city blocks, covered with bas reliefs will rise suddenly from the depths. This building will then begin to sink immediately, and will submerge completely within 2 minutes. According the eyewitness accounts, the reliefs depict certain famous events in human history, including events that had not yet happened.
===Mt. Rushmore===
If you knew what Mount Rushmore really was you wouldn't have turned it into a tourist attraction. You probably couldn't go near it without vomiting.
===The World's Real Colors===
When you stare at something too long, and you look away, and you see those weird splotchy pigmentsy'know what I mean? When you do that, you're seeing the real colors of the world. Our eyes filter that head-burning nightmare into something more pleasant... well, usually.
===ICU===
There's a man in the ICU of a Chinese Hospital. He's been there for as long as the nurses and doctors can imagine but only one nurse ever sees him and guards are posted at his door 24/7. He looks old but his eyes look young, he's restrained and gagged. Though he never talks and at the first opportunity he'll try to escape the hospital. But whenever he's asked any question he always writes his answer "3200... 3200...3200... 3200..."
===Gravity===
When you live in a bright place, you get used to light, and it starts affecting you less. When you live in a dark place, you get used to dark, and it starts affecting you less. When you live in a violent place, you get used to violence, and it starts affecting you less. And when you skydive enough, you get used to gravity, and it starts affecting you less. This is nowhere near as pleasant as it sounds.
===Orchestra===
If a full symphony orchestra all plays the note A-440 perfectly in tune to each other, for at least an hour, time will begin to slow down by fractions of a second. Sound from the orchestra will begin transforming into light energy, and every memory in time that has ever existed at that spot will transfer to everyone present.
===Dentists===
A few elite dentists keep the fragments of anything they extract and sometimes trade certain specimens for ritual purposes. These rituals can make the caster stronger, tougher, faster, smarter, or more spiritually powerful. Why do you think they're always saying you should get your wisdom teeth pulled?
===Wax Apple===
There is in fact that a single small wax apple that stars in most still life paintings that are made in Manhattan. On the morning of September 11, 2000, someone accidentally took a bite out of it. A year later to the hour, the first plane hit the twin towers.
===Stone Room===
If you spend enough time underground, whether it's caves, mines, sewers, or anything of similar depth, you might come across an apparently manmade stone room. Symbols that you can recognize but not consciously understand cover the walls. You'll find that you can rearrange them by willing it. This only works if you have complete confidence that the symbols will move and you don't have an especially strong desire to move them. Keep at it long enough and their meaning will be clear. Learn what you will but always let the room keep one of its secrets.
===The Trailer===
There is a small clearing in the Vermont woods with an abandoned Silver Bullet trailer. If you go inside the trailer you will find it empty and in disarray - veneer is peeling off the walls and newspapers are strewn about the ground. In the back of the trailer there is a jukebox. Turn it on - even though there is no power source it will light up. It only plays one song, "Ring of Fire" by Johnny Cash. The newspapers will always have today's date. Listen to the song, read the paper and await a visit.
===Numbers on the Stalls===
Ever notice there are a lot of numbers in bathroom stalls. Try something the next time you go to piss in a rest room. Right down the first (and only the first) three numbers you see. When you have time line the numbers up according to there 6th number, lowest to highest. Take the area code of the first one, the starting three numbers of the next one, and the last four numbers of the last. dial 9 then the number. The phone will ring exactly 99 times and before the phone rings again some one will pick up and tell you the exact time of your death and then hang up. You will have to listen because she will tell you the date very quickly and if you try to call back again the number will have been disconnected.
===The Phone Number===
In the middle of Boston Harbor, between the Aquarium and Logan Airport, is a strip of land. This land is exactly 666 square feet. If you are able to see it, then stand upon it. You will hear a voice. This voice will tell you one thing and one thing only. A 7 digit phone number. Go home and sleep for exactly 4 hours, then wake up and immediately call the number, using your own area code. On the other end will be a man who will tell you The Truth. All of it, unadulterated and unabridged. If you can listen to it without going mad, then you will know the reason for everything, and it will all make sense.
===Rooms===
All across the world there are rooms, don't ask where any of them are, they have a floating location that effects all other rooms. These rooms seem to disable any electronics within their area and are always uninhabited when visited. These rooms all are vandalized with the same symbols and used materials available during the time, always tops of the line and finely crafted. These symbols are part of a code that no one has successfully decrypted, this code is supposedly used for a lock on a door in all these rooms. (Recently this door has tooken on as a metal one with many digital input code locks, it used to be many padlocks and so on.) No one has been able to get through this door since, some have attempted to bring devices to break through these doors. All who have tried never find the room again.
===Cat's Purr===
Purring is not a cat's way of saying it's happy. That's just their way of feeding. They only eat the stuff we give them from cans and give to them as treats as a front, to make them seem like normal animals. They know we enjoy the sound of purring and it's feel, so they know it will draw us closer to them so that they can continue to quietly absorb our life energies and one day claim Earth as their own.
===Astronaut===
In 1971, a few weeks before a scheduled moon shot, an alternate astronaut was seen behaving in an erratic fashion at lunch. He arose from the table, headed over to where a group of high-ranking Air Force officers and NASA officials were eating, proceeded to lay down upon it, squeeze a thin red line of ketchup across his throat. He convulsed and wheezed to one of the officers, grabbing him by the lapels, "Don't.... order...the... swordfish." He was remanded to psychiatric care in the Pacific Northwest in a somewhat less-than-therapeutic castle moved there formerly by a robber-baron at the turn of the century. During the astronaut's stay, a new commandant came, a Marine Colonel. This colonel was found dead not long after his arrival with a single self-inflicted slash across his throat.
===Blood Bath===
If you kill a person at midwinter, and then bathe in its blood two days later you will live as long as the other person would have lived if you hadn't killed him. This only works for people of your own gender, though. Bathing in the blood of another gender will kill you, and bring the person you killed back to life for as long as you would have lived.
===Poker===
There's a tent in a travelling circus in the India. Inside this tent there's a man who is an expert in poker, you can recognize him because he always bets exactly 2 U.S. dollars and 31 cents. If you beat him after 3 rounds, he will bet his soul on the 4th round. Nobody has ever beaten this man on the 4th round, and if you lose well... You don't want to know.
===The Cries===
You're walking down your street, it's a gray, cloudy, unseasonably cold day. As the brown leaves swirl about you, you hear, faintly yet distinctly, a baby crying. As you move toward the noise, it becomes the sound of a young girl sobbing. Closer you approach the sound, and as the wind picks up, it is clearly the sound of a young woman screaming. You race toward the corner, and as you near it, the sound becomes that of an old crone choking. Then silence as you turn the corner, revealing nothing but a puddle of water on the sidewalk. As you look into the puddle, it seems your reflection is delayed by a few seconds... as if it is watching you and then mimicking you...
===The Manhole===
In a small suburb of western Detroit, there is a manhole on the road which leads directly down to a dead end. The manhole was originally a large pothole created by two fathers who'd been dared to dig a hole in the middle of the road. They hit a natural shaft leading downwards, and plummeted 200 feet to their death. Sometimes, when criminals are looking for a place to hide, the crawl into the sewers. When the crawl into that manhole, they fall to the bottom, and die.
===The Cave===
Somewhere in the UK, you might come across a cave. If you venture into the cave and cross the waters, you'll find a solid rock wall. You can only pass this wall if you take a silver dagger, cut your wrist, and smear the blood on the wall. Past the wall, you'll find a pitch black room with a large lake in the center. You'll see a faint green glow out in the center of the lake: it's a locket that holds the soul of powerful ancient wizard. If you hold the locket, you hold his power. However, there is no boat to cross the lake. And if you make a sound, or even set foot in the lake, hundreds of zombies will come out from the lake and feast on your flesh.
===The Tree===
During the Spring of 1902 in the Dry Tortugas islands off of the coast of Key West, a man was shot and the bullet protruded slightly from the back of his skull into a tree (which he had his back against at the time). As time passed and the three continued to grow, his putrefied corpse was lifted into the boughs as his skull was still attached loosely to the tree by the bullet. As time passed, the tree grew around the skeleton. If you can find this tree on one of the Islands, tap it thrice with the heel of a cow hide leather boot, you will be granted the ability to make anyone forget anything at will.
==Trollpastas==
===Monopoly===
The monopoly stubs you get at McDonald's have special magnets in them so whenever you're missing just one of the pieces you'll never find it because it's magnetically repelling you.
===Blue M&Ms===
Before they added the blue colored M&Ms, you could eat the other colors in the right order and gain a magical charge.
===Crop Circles===
Crop circles? Aliens don't make crop circles. People make crop circles. Crop circles are the interstellar road sign saying DON'T BOTHER. Otherwise, the aliens would've landed a long time ago.
===Uranus===
Painting the Astrological symbol for Uranus on a car's hood, using the blood of a man who was not nursed on his biological mother's milk as an infant, will cause that car to be struck by lightning inside of a week.
===Electric Animals===
You can use a real mouse in place of a computer mouse, if you don't mind getting scratched and bitten a lot. All machines we have are based on the properties of animals on earth, and the animals can fill those rolls very easily. Electric Eels, for example, make great radios.
===The Urn===
A certain Chinese vase contains the spirit of Ghengis Khan. The warrior spirit contained in the vase causes it to materialize in the nearby location of certain fights between good guys and bad guys. Unfortunately, the vase is always humorously almost knocked over by the bad guys, forcing the good guy to play a strange game of trying to keep the vase from breaking. the hero does this because they know that if the spirit is ever released, it will punish the world for continually using it as a comic prop.
===The Apocalypse===
The whole "and the cow jumped over the moon" song/nursery rhyme is in fact an early interpretation of an apocalyptic prophesy, all of the events in the song are metaphors for what will lead to the end of the world except for the bit about the fork running away with the spoon. All the spoons and forks of the world will disappear on the penultimate night, along will all the dinner plates and mechanical egg whisks.
===Vases===
Vases are in fact little psychic dampeners that stop flowers from secretly controlling mankind, people who spend too much time in the out doors near unvased flowers eventually become eco-terrorists designed to soften up mankind for the day when the flowers make their move.
===Circumcision===
Circumcision is an ancient practice designed to render men immune to becoming werewolves. The first part of the body that changes during a lycanthropic transformation is the genitalia, so, if enough skin can be removed that the PENIS cannot safely sink back into the body, you will be left safe... but will have an erection all full-moon long.
===Sandwich===
Go into a Subway and tell the clerk you want to order the sandwich they'd always wished a customer would order. They will quickly, quietly, and without expression, craft the sandwich from many different ingredients. The sandwich will be the best thing you've ever tasted. This only works once per clerk. If you ask them to make it again, they will not recollect how. If you attempt to re-construct it, it will fail.
===The Woman===
There's a weird woman who is a member in a popular webcam site. At exactly 3:12AM EST she comes online to start her live show. The rumor says that there's a scar under the left nipple of this woman and if you stare at it for more than 5 minutes, you will have the most unimaginable lewd nightmares for the next 5 days.
===Pissing Ritual===
When you piss on a huge tree, ask for pardon from the tree. If not your dick gets twice as huge as your head in the morning after. When you piss on a huge boulder, ask for pardon. If not, your first born child will be born stillborn and come back for you later...
===Bush===
There's an abandoned convenience store somewhere in Connecticut. On the basement of this building, you'll find the body of none other than the real George W. Bush preserved in a tank. It's rumored that the president used to be a laboratory chimpanzee that was subject to many horrible experiments and studies of the evolution of mankind.
===Pirates===
There's a band of roving pirates somewhere in the world, it doesn't matter whether you are on the high seas or you're a landlubber, they have been known to be able to plunder anyone, anywhere on the planet Earth. Only their captain knows where they will strike next. They go around the world stealing various collectible cards from trading card games and sets including but not limited to Magic: the Gathering, Pokemon, Demolition Man, Topps baseball cards, Star Trek, and of course, the Mortal Kombat Kard game. Anyone with cards from any such set (and of these sets especially) is at risk. Victims are often left with trashed abodes, no pride or sense of self left, and most (if not all) collectibles of ANY sort in their house left (cards are merely the pirates' main target). Should you recognize them coming your way, do not waste their time or yours; show them their secret sign: a 1955 Mickey Mantle Bowman trading card. Upon seeing this, they will take you to their treasure room, where you can choose any one treasure of their loot that you please. That treasure will be the first present of Christmas.
===The Envelope===
If you go to New York and order a deli sandwich "with several travesties" (any deli owner worth his salt will know what you are talking about), they will slip an envelope between the turkey and they cheese. If you can remove it without exposing it to any mayonnaise, the secrets within will be yours forever.
===Lost===
It's said that on every February night during the cold savage wind if you're lost you will be offered a place of residence by an unknown white man... next morning when you wake up you'll be all over the news.
===The Plagiarist===
Once a man thought he could make some money off of stealing creepy stories off of the internet and publishing them in a book. What he didn't realize was that when he looked into the screen, the author of one of these stories was looking back. Every good turn deserves another, and for stealing his story, the watcher stole the plagiarist's skin.
===Perpetual Motion===
In the town of St. James, Missouri, there is a surplus store where the back room is always kept unlocked. Behind one of the shelving units is another door. Behind that door is the secret of perpetual motion. But this secret would destroy you.
===Funeral Ritual===
After coming from a funeral, don't ask the owners to sprinkle you with clear water. take off all your clothes while under the roof and sleep there for the night. Within seven days the house you visited will be haunted by the spirit of the person whose funeral you attended.
Category:Bad Creepypasta
Category:Pre-Trollpasta
Category:Lists
Category:Shortpasta
Category:Old Shit
Category:MOTHER OF FUCK THIS PAGE IS LONG LIKE MY PAINIS
Category:Featured Pastas