Drill sergeant

A DRILL INSTRUCTOR IS WHAT I MOTHERFUCKING AM! FROM THIS POINT ON, NOTHING WILL COME OUT OF THAT FILTHY CESSPOOL OF SHIT YOU CALL A MOUTH! YOU WILL RESPOND ONLY WITH “SIR YES SIR” OR “SIR NO SIR”! DO YOU UNDERSTAND RECRUIT?
WHAT ARE YOU? YOU ARE A PATHETIC, BOW-LEGGED, BASEMENT-WANKING MAGGOT!
STRAIGHTEN UP WHILE YOU’RE READING THIS, FAGGOT!
DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?
YOU ARE OFFICIALLY MY BITCH FOR THE DURATION OF THIS ARTICLE, AND CONSIDERING HOW FAST YOU READ, YOU’RE GONNA BE MY BITCH FOR A SOLID WEEK!
HEY! DON’T YOU EVEN TRY CLICKING ANY OF THOSE SHINY BLUE LINKY LINKS, MAGGOT! NOT THAT I REALLY EXPECT YOU TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE SUBJECT FOR MORE THAN TEN SECONDS UNLESS IT INCLUDES THE WORD “BOOBIES” OR “LOL” MORE THAN SIX TIMES!
=YOU = MAGGOT=
LOOK AT YOU!
LOOK AT YOU WITH YOUR $3 HAIRCUT AND THAT FREAK SHOW EXCUSE FOR A FACE!
YOU LOOK LIKE SOMEONE CUT OFF THE CANCER-INFECTED VAGINA LIPS OF A FEMALE ELEPHANT AND STUCK THEM PERMANENTLY TO YOUR SKULL!
YOU MAKE ME SICK!
GET DOWN ON THIS KEYBOARD RIGHT NOW AND TYPE “I AM A DIARRHEA SLURPING REDNECK BUM HUMPER” 500 TIMES, RIGHT NOW! I DON'T GIVE A SINGLE SHIT IF YOU'RE A NEWBIE, YOU WILL DO IT! DO YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND??????!!!!!!!!!!
 I am a diarrhea slurping redneck bum humper.
 i am a diarrhea sulrping redneck bum humper.
 I am a diarrhea slurping redncek bum humpr.
 I am a diarrhea slurping redneck bum humper.
 i am a diarrhea sulrping redneck bum humper.
 I am a diarrhea slurping redncek bum humpr.
 I am a diarrhea slurping redneck bum humper.
 i am a diarrhea sulrping redneck bum humper.
 I am a diarrhea slurping redncek bum humpr.
 You are a diarrhea sulrping rdenkce mbu hmuepr.
HOLD IT RIGHT THERE MAGGOT! YOU THINK I CAN’T TELL WHEN SOMEONE’S USING COPY AND PASTE?
WHAT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR MAGGOT? I’D TAKE YOU OUT BACK TO THE LATRINE AND DROP A SIXTEEN CHILI BURRITO DUMP IN THAT TOOTHLESS SLACKJAW MAW OF YOURS IF I DIDN’T THINK YOU’D ENJOY IT, YOU FILTHY LITTLE SCATOLOGICAL SON OF A DRUNKEN PLUMBER! OH WOW! YOU WRITE LIKE A FUCKING TODDLER AS IF IT WAS ON FUCKING COCAINE! DO I, THE FUCKING DRILL SERGEANT, LOOK LIKE A FUCKING JOKE?!
=YOU = LIMP-WRISTED HOMO=
SINCE “DON’T ASK, DON’T TELL” WAS REPEALED, I CAN CALL YOU A FAGGOT.
SO YOU’RE NOT JUST A MAGGOT, YOU’RE ALSO A FAGGOT!
NO, YOU’RE A MAG-FAGGOT! GOT THAT MAG-FAGGOT?
=YOU = FUCKING ASS UNFUNNY=
SO YOU’RE THINKING ABOUT GETTING SMART NOW, EH?
YOU’RE THINKING ABOUT EDITING MY ARTICLE TO “MAKE IT BETTER” WITH SOME OF YOUR CUM-HOLE LICKING EASTERN ALABAMA MONKEY FECES?
BAD IDEA SHITWIZARD, AT THE AGE I WROTE MY FIRST FEATURED ARTICLE YOU WERE STILL CRYING TO YOUR MAMA THAT YOU CAN’T FIND WALDO!
FOR GOD’S SAKE I’VE PASSED JAGGED, BLOODY GALLSTONES AND BROKEN GLASS THAT MADE ME LAUGH MORE THAN YOU!
BUT ALRIGHT, MY PRANCING LITTLE TINKERBELL SOLDIER WHO I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT, LET’S SEE WHAT YOU GOT!
 Uhh ... umm ... Where do pigs park their cars? In a porking lot!
WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT? WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?
WHERE DID YOU GET THAT ONE FROM, A FRIGGING LAFFY TAFFY WRAPPER FROM YOUR LAST CHRISTMAS DINNER 20 YEARS AGO?!
WHILE YOU’RE AT IT WHY DON’T YOU GET ME A GODDAMN LAFFY TAFFY, BOY! BUT NONE OF THAT BANANA FLAVOR BULLSHIT, THAT STUFF TASTES LIKE SPUNKIFIED ASS RUNCH!
AND I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS! SEE WHAT YOU’RE DOIN’ TO ME RECRUIT! YOU AND YOUR SHIT-STAINED GRIN ARE MAKING ME FUCKING INCOHERENT!
I TELL YOU WHAT I’D BITCHSLAP YOU IN THE FACE RIGHT NOW IF I WANTED TO SPLASH MY HAND UP AGAINST A QUARTER PINT OF FACE CRATER PUS AND AARDVARK ASSHOLE PERSPIRATION!
Category:ARTICLES WRITTEN ENTIRELY IN CAPS LOCK
Category:Really Angry People
Category:Self-reference
Category:Articles about a person written in the style of that person
Category:FA Military
Category:FA Non Encyclopedic
Category:FA Work
Category:FA Occupations
es:Instructor de entrenamiento militar
pt:Instrutor de treinamento militar