Battlefield I

Battlefield I, released by EA in 2016, is an action shooter with a chaotic agenda that presents World War I in a way that Marx and Lenin would probably have a laugh at. The game's multiplayer delivers a blend of fun and chaos, with large-scale battles, over-the-top combat scenarios, and moments that seem like a fever dream rather than historical accuracy. However, the single-player campaign is a different story: if you're a history buff, you might find yourself needing a strong drink—or perhaps even your trusty shotgun—to get through the historical "liberties" it takes.
== Multiplayer ==
The Battlefield I multiplayer might not win awards for perfect balance or deep strategy, but it more than makes up for it with pure, unfiltered chaos. The large-scale battles often descend into absolute mayhem, with players recklessly charging at each other with bayonets, leading to comically frantic melees where most people miss their mark and end up running in circles trying to stab anything that moves. Then there’s the joy of using the Kolibri pistol—a ridiculously tiny and weak weapon that seems more suitable for annoying your enemies than actually killing them. Yet, somehow, landing a kill with it feels like the ultimate badge of honor.
The maps are huge playgrounds of destruction, where you can find yourself dodging artillery one minute and chasing down an enemy on horseback the next. Tactics usually give way to sheer desperation, with players diving into mustard gas clouds to grab a capture point or using flamethrowers like it’s some bizarre WWI-themed rave. It’s not about authenticity or realism; it’s about embracing the glorious mess of it all. Whether you're a seasoned veteran or a complete novice, the multiplayer offers something truly unique—an experience that thrives on the unpredictability and absurdity of war.
== Singleplayer ==
The Battlefield I single-player campaign features a series of war stories, each offering a different perspective. It begins with a prologue showcasing the chaos of WWI, followed by a tank-focused campaign in France. The aerial campaign covers the 1917 Battle of London, mixing dogfights with cinematic flair. There's a peculiar mission set in the Dolomites where you play as a Juggernaut (for some reason), and a Gallipoli campaign capturing the brutal infantry combat. Lastly, the game throws in a campaign featuring a strong, independent woman fighting in the deserts of Mesopotamia, adding a modern touch to the historical setting.
=== Prologueː ===
The prologue of Battlefield I is set in 1918 France, where historical accuracy goes to die. It kicks off with a chaotic spectacle that’s less “realistic war drama” and more “Hollywood explosion fest.” You find yourself playing as African American soldiers, which, while historically important, is treated with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer, as if to say, “Look! Diversity!” The chaos is peppered with turret sequences that feel like a bad amusement park ride, and airships flying so low you’d think they were taking a leisurely cruise down the Champs-Élysées.
Weapon selection seems like a fever dream, with guns like the Winchester M1907 popping up everywhere, as if French soldiers had nothing better to do than scavenge the American Wild West for supplies. And don’t get me started on the Beretta M1918, which somehow teleported to France from a distant alternate timeline. Adding to the fun are the near-invincible flamethrower troops, who can walk through a hail of bullets like they’re taking a casual Sunday stroll, ready to roast you alive as if they were the final boss in a bad horror game.
But don’t worry about getting attached to any character you play—because you won’t. Every nameless soldier is little more than a scripted martyr in the game's desperate attempt to be “emotional” and “profound.” As soon as you take control, you’re basically marked for death by the script itself, like some twisted war-themed version of musical chairs where everyone loses.
=== Storm of Steelː ===
Welcome to the Storm of Steel, where logic and historical accuracy went AWOL long ago, leaving only the steel chaos of WWI’s Western Front. You start as a nameless, faceless crew member inside the beastly British Mark V tank, a slab of metal ostensibly capable of mowing down entire enemy lines—until you realize it’s a glorified tin can with performance anxiety. But hang on! Before you even get a taste of the tank’s supposed dominance, you find yourself (brace yourself) playing as a pigeon. Yes, a pigeon, tasked with delivering an urgent message through skies filled with bullets. Apparently, the true hero of WWI wasn’t man, nor machine, but… bird.
Back on the ground, it doesn’t take long to see the true absurdity of the mission. The campaign throws you head-first into a “stealth” operation on German soil, forcing you to get up close and personal with the enemy, where things only get weirder. It turns out that the Germans have an unhealthy fascination with American weaponry. Search their crates, and you’ll find neatly stashed Trench Guns (an “illegal” weapon of war, no less) and American Springfield M1903 rifles… with musket sights, suppressors, and bipods. Forget realism; historical authenticity has been declared KIA.
Once you’re over the weapon shock, it’s time to face the mindless German AI soldiers, who display the cognitive abilities of sandbags and the situational awareness of furniture. If they’re not blindly standing in open fields, they’re practically begging for headshots, except the game doesn’t make that easy either. Meet the dreaded “Flameboys,” enemy soldiers decked out in flamethrower suits that apparently double as medieval armor. These guys will take three direct headshots from your Springfield like it’s nothing—because bulletproof heads are a thing now.
As if that weren’t enough, the tank battles take the absurdity to a whole new level. Forget smooth tank combat; this is more of a mud-wrestling match between dying hunks of metal. Your Mark V, meant to be the pride of the British forces, struggles against Germany’s A7V tanks. These behemoths eat up 4–5 of your shots without flinching. And then, surprise! Reinforcements appear in the form of an inexplicable army of Renault FT-17 tanks, somehow appropriated by the German side. Each of these so-called “mini-tanks” takes 3 hits to destroy, making you question whether you’re battling the Germans or just malfunctioning AI logic.
In short, “Storm of Steel” is a beautifully chaotic mess of pigeon deliveries, misplaced weapon caches, unkillable enemies, and tanks that don’t know when to quit. The whole adventure clocks in at around an hour, but you’ll spend twice as long scratching your head, wondering how much of this was intentional. Enjoy the ride—it’s WWI like you’ve never imagined it.
=== Friends in High Placesː ===
Welcome to Friends in High Places, the Battlefield 1 campaign that takes historical aviation, ties it to a biplane, and sends it careening into the land of blockbuster absurdity. Here, you step into the boots—and the Bristol F2—of an anonymous pilot with a talent for lying, a flair for theatrics, and only a passing familiarity with physics. Armed with little more than swagger, you somehow end up piloting one of the finest British planes of the era through the turbulent skies of World War I… if “flying” can even describe the improbable maneuvers awaiting you.
Your plane, the Bristol F2, was historically known as a reliable biplane. In Battlefield 1, however, it has been reimagined as a WWI-era supercraft, equipped with features that even modern jets don’t possess. It can hover mid-air like a futuristic VTOL aircraft, effortlessly holding position at zero speed to line up the perfect shot on your enemy’s tail. You can out-turn the legendary Fokker DR.I Triplane, best known for its nimble acrobatics, with ease. Who needs aerodynamic drag, anyway? You spin and swoop like you’re in an airshow, laughing in the face of early 20th-century flight limitations as you shoot down German aces by the dozen.
But the campaign quickly escalates from improbable to the truly surreal. Just when you’re getting comfortable with your aerial superpowers, you’re ordered out of the cockpit and into enemy territory on foot, embarking on a stealth mission that would make Metal Gear Solid proud. Sneaking through German lines, you suddenly find yourself equipped with skills you didn’t know you had, dodging guards and using stealth tactics that wouldn’t even become common until the Cold War. It’s almost as if your character is a master spy masquerading as a pilot—and all this while supposedly still in the throes of WWI.
Once you’ve returned to the Bristol F2 and improbably survived the behind-enemy-lines operation, things reach a new level of theatricality. You’re catapulted into what Battlefield dubs “The Battle of Britain,” but the calendar says it’s 1917, a full 23 years before the real battle would take place. Here, you find yourself single-handedly taking on entire German air squadrons—endless waves of Fokkers and Gotha bombers swarm the skies, and you’re tasked with shooting them down in your bomber. Apparently, your plane is fitted with firepower that rivals anti-aircraft artillery, as you unleash an unending hail of bullets and bombs, downing German planes like you’re mowing the lawn.
But wait, there’s more! After downing what feels like hundreds of enemy planes, your flight is interrupted by a colossal German zeppelin that emerges from the clouds, and in a twist of fate (or, more accurately, a scripted event), it manages to shoot you down. As you spiral toward the earth, fate intervenes yet again: you land directly on top of the very zeppelin that shot you down. Naturally, this sets the stage for an epic shootout across the surface of the zeppelin as it soars through the sky.
At this point, the campaign fully leans into the spectacle. Your character fights across the burning deck of the zeppelin, taking down German soldiers one by one in a last-ditch shootout. Eventually, you commandeer the zeppelin itself, taking the helm in a final attempt to turn the tide. The stakes soar (literally) as you pilot this flaming behemoth, steering it into a dramatic head-on collision with another enemy zeppelin in what is possibly the most cinematic—and least plausible—airborne duel of all time.
The explosion sends you plummeting from two kilometers up in the air, and, just when it seems like certain death is imminent, you miraculously land on solid concrete without a scratch. Parachutes? Not in 1917. Luck? Apparently in endless supply. Your character simply dusts himself off, apparently unbothered by the lack of basic laws of physics or gravity, and walks away as if surviving such an ordeal is all in a day’s work. The campaign ends with a bold statement declaring that “these events really happened,” a proclamation as daring and historically flexible as the entire campaign itself.
In Friends in High Places, Battlefield 1 reminds us that while history might be a fixed story, there’s always room to inject a little creative license. Because, after all, if you’re going to rewrite WWI aviation, why not throw in some VTOL hovercrafts, a stealth mission, an early version of the Battle of Britain, and a final airborne zeppelin showdown?
=== Avanti Savoia! ===
Welcome to Avanti Savoia!, the Italian campaign in Battlefield 1, where you experience WWI through the eyes of a juggernaut, a heavily armored Italian shock trooper sent to break through the Austro-Hungarian lines. Historical accuracy? Not quite the priority here. In Avanti Savoia!, the Austro-Hungarian forces are represented almost entirely by reskinned German soldiers, each wielding a Mauser rifle—because who has time to model the Mannlicher M1895, the standard rifle of the Austro-Hungarian army? Why not just make them look like the German soldiers we’ve already animated? Problem solved!
Decked out in your hulking juggernaut suit, you’re no ordinary soldier but rather an unstoppable war machine, almost impervious to gunfire as you stomp into the fray. With your metal armor gleaming and your heavy weapon rattling, you’re a one-man fortress, seemingly invulnerable to whatever the enemy can throw at you. Your armor shrugs off bullet after bullet, and the enemy soldiers, rather than fighting, mostly cower and scatter in your path. They appear less like an army and more like a group of extras trying not to trip over each other while avoiding your wrath.
The strangeness doesn’t end there. Even the Austrian aircraft, designed to command the skies, keep a baffling distance, flying high above in seemingly coordinated terror, as if no pilot in the Austro-Hungarian forces has the courage to swoop down and attack you. It’s as if they’ve been told there’s something truly unstoppable on the battlefield below, and they’re taking absolutely no chances.
Your mission, though, isn’t just to clear the battlefield—it’s to find a missing Italian soldier, a supposed brother-in-arms and key figure in the story. Yet, when you finally locate him, he has all the personality of a background NPC. This soldier, who was hyped as your sole objective, is less “character” and more “plot device,” adding almost nothing to the narrative or tension of the campaign.
In a surprising twist, or rather, lack thereof, the campaign wraps up after just 20 minutes. There’s no dramatic finale, no epic confrontation, and no satisfying conclusion—just a simple, almost anticlimactic ending after you locate your lost comrade. As quickly as it began, your journey as a juggernaut comes to an end, leaving you to wonder if this was meant to be a full campaign or just a quick showcase of the juggernaut suit and its seemingly unstoppable power.
=== The Runner ===
In The Runner, Battlefield 1 throws you into the Gallipoli Campaign, where you play as an Australian soldier who, despite being well past his prime and likely too old for the battlefield, somehow finds himself at the forefront of the fight. The mission begins with a chaotic, wildly exaggerated landing sequence that seems more like a parody of Omaha Beach than an accurate depiction of the WWI Gallipoli assault. Instead of facing the Ottoman forces, you’re up against a mysterious battalion dressed suspiciously like the Afrika Korps from WWII, as if Battlefield decided it didn’t matter what century we were in—uniforms are just uniforms, right?
After the landing, the game abruptly switches gears, throwing you into a brief stealth mission where you sneak around the enemy lines. With minimal excitement, it feels almost like filler content, as you creep past guards who seem about as aware of their surroundings as furniture. Before long, you’re done sneaking around, and it’s back to action—but not in any typical way. Instead, you’re cast as a lone, elderly soldier in a single-player version of Conquest, tasked with capturing a fortress against waves of supposed “Ottoman” soldiers who appear more like re-skinned Germans.
In what is essentially a one-man war, you charge the fortress alone, capturing objectives and fending off enemies without backup, as if this grizzled Australian soldier is somehow capable of taking the whole fort himself. And he does. You capture the fortress solo, end the mission on a victorious note, and, in a blink, the campaign ends just 25 minutes after it began, leaving you wondering if it was all just a wild fever dream of misplaced uniforms, anachronistic battles, and implausible heroics.
=== Nothing Is Written ===
The Nothing is Written campaign in Battlefield I doesn’t just introduce a hero; it singlehandedly dismantles the outdated, overhyped idea of a privileged adventurer like Lara Croft. Lara, with her prim-and-proper background, her endless wealth, and her immaculate outfit straight from Daddy’s money, doesn’t hold a candle to this fierce Bedouin Strong Female Character. Our heroine isn’t playing at adventure; she’s living it—out in the harsh desert, without any silver-spoon comforts. This Bedouin woman? She’s not here to mess around, and she’s certainly not here to sip tea in a luxury manor. Let’s be clear: this fearless Bedouin dynamo could wipe the floor—and honestly, wipe her ass—with Lara Croft.
While Lara’s probably somewhere fussing over her next “tough girl” look, this Bedouin warrior is scaling mountains on horseback, sneaking into Ottoman camps with an entire Renault FT tank in tow, and dispatching enemies with an efficiency that puts any “aristocratic explorer” to shame. There’s no room for posh theatrics here. In one particularly “ultra mega giga” scene, our Bedouin hero takes on a towering Ottoman soldier sneaking up behind her. No aristocratic panic, no cries for help; she spins around and, in a flash, drives her knife right through his chin, taking him down with a swift, brutal finality that would leave any sheltered, mansion-raised adventurer slack-jawed. Imagine Lara Croft trying that—she’d probably break a nail, if she didn’t swoon first.
And then there’s the arsenal. Lara relies on high-end tech, expensive gear, and endless resources to power through her “adventures,” but this Bedouin heroine? She’s here with nothing but her knife, her wits, and a fire in her eyes that could cut through steel. Even the over-equipped Ottoman forces can’t faze her. They might be wielding all sorts of anachronistic and cursed weaponry—Fokker DR.I planes, Springfield M1903s with suppressors, C96 pistols with silencers, and tech straight out of the 21st century—but none of it stands a chance. While Lara needs fancy gadgets and a team of assistants to get through a single jungle, our Bedouin heroine shows that sheer guts are more powerful than any aristocrat’s bankroll.
And then comes the showdown: the final boss fight against the Canavar (which is basically Czechoslovak legion train Orlík), a monstrous, over-armed train that roars across the desert. Cannons blazing, it fires wildly into the sky, but even this steel beast can’t intimidate our warrior. She calmly approaches, pelting it with dynamite and some mysteriously-appearing German Gebalte Ladungs (because why not?). And when that still isn’t enough, she picks up a Mauser M1918 Tankgewehr, a weapon meant for a two-man team, and proceeds to take down the Canavar in three perfect shots. No high-tech weapon, no posh gadgets, and certainly no overpaid butler holding her hand—just pure skill, resolve, and strength.
So, when it’s all over, the message is clear: our Bedouin heroine doesn’t just win the battle; she redefines what it means to be a real hero. No silver spoon, no fancy degrees, no dainty adventurer image. This woman is the embodiment of raw, relentless grit, forged in the desert and honed by survival. Lara Croft? She might be the princess of posh adventure, but in the harsh, gritty world of Nothing is Written, this Bedouin warrior has nothing but contempt for her. Because this Bedouin woman could—and would—wipe the floor with Lara Croft, and still have room to wipe her ass with the leftover scraps.
== Conclusion ==
Battlefield I is a game that tries to balance intense historical themes with over-the-top multiplayer antics—and mostly misses the mark in doing so. The single-player campaign feels like an afterthought, cobbled together with clichés and erratic pacing that fails to capture the gravity of World War I. The narrative attempts depth but quickly devolves into a shallow experience that’s hard to take seriously. It’s frustratingly linear, with uninspired AI and bland mission design, making it feel like little more than a series of tutorials for the main event: multiplayer.
But it’s in the multiplayer that Battlefield I finds a semblance of purpose, though not necessarily coherence. Here, the game transforms into a riotous, chaotic spectacle, filled with explosive set-pieces and unpredictable moments that lend themselves to sheer fun—especially with friends. The chaotic sandbox and the absurd scale of battles somehow add up to an experience that, while technically flawed, is undeniably entertaining. You’ll charge through trenches, scramble for cover from bombers, and feel the hilariously surreal thrill of wielding old-fashioned weaponry in ridiculous ways.
It’s the kind of experience that feels oddly captivating for all the wrong reasons, one that even critics of ‘mindless’ gameplay might secretly enjoy for its sheer absurdity. If you’re looking for a meaningful exploration of war, look elsewhere. But if you’re in the market for explosive, unhinged multiplayer mayhem with a historical veneer, Battlefield I delivers just enough thrills to make up for its disappointments elsewhere.
Category:Shit
Category:World War I
Category:Video games
Category:Stuff that God hates