Ethanol

Ethanol, also called ethyl alcohol, pure alcohol, grain alcohol, or drinking alcohol, is an alcoholic source of fuel for hippie cars which is derived from corn, rainforests, and the souls of the children of Zambia and Brazil.
==Discovery==
Ethanol was discovered in 1959 by Dr. Josef Mengele on a vacation in South America,
following the collapse of his first business venture and the deaths of all his friends. While
touring a tequila factory in Brazil where most of the children of the country worked, he
thought it would be a good laugh to throw one of the workers into a vat of 300% proof alcohol. To 
his suprise and delight, the six year old he chose, who was just three days from retirement, was 
immediately incinerated. Rather than arrest him for murder, the manager congratulated Mengele for 
reducing headcount and offered him a shot from that very same vat. After twelve shots, the doctor 
ran outside and vomited into his car's gas tank. On the drive home to the South American 
Retirement Home for Nazi Bastards, he couldn't help but notice that his car got horrible gas 
mileage, ran horribly, and polluted the air three times as much as normal.
Mengele realized that the mixture of alcohol and suffering was the perfect fuel for which to 
cause the deaths of millions and the speedy destruction of the planet. He named it Ethanol after 
the German word for Genocide, considering that it was more efficient at killing than his three favorite toxins, Zyklon-B, DDT, and Wild Cherry Pepsi.
Sadly, Mengele was unable to see the full effects of his master plan for world decimation, 
owing to his death by sexual exhaustion (the major cause of death for anyone who knew Hitler 
personally). Thus his cause was set back by years, until further developments were made in 2004.
==Evolution==
After filming the movie 'Sahara', Matthew McConaughey spent three months in Africa spreading 
Malaria, as part of his plan for world destruction. It was while torturing children in Zambia 
that he hit upon the same discovery made by doctor Mengele 45 years ago. He was dipping 
children in vodka and honey to attract mosquitoes when one of them was accidentally set ablaze by 
McConaughey burning him with a cigarette. Having heard of Mengele's work through his Celebrity 
Nazi Club weekly meetings, Matthew scooped the resulting acidic liquid into the tank of his 
Douchemobile. It was this accidental discovery that made both South America and Africa the major 
producers of the most deadly fuel in the world.
==Popularity==
When the facts about ethanol were sufficiently covered up, it was marketed to America as an 
alternative fuel. Since the word 'alternative' is a buzzword for nonconformity, environmentally-
minded teenagers decided to support it. These retards formed a youth organization know as 
the 'yellow shirt attention whores', trying to convince other retards of America to use ethanol 
as an alternative to relatively beneficial gasoline. 
Matthew McConaughey attempted to organize these children into his own personal McConahaughey 
Youth, creating an army of trendy, yellow-shirted teenagers who would beat people to death 
with 'Fool's Gold' DVD's without a thought. Luckily, the world was saved when Bionic Commando 
Steve Jobs creted the iPhone and pacified the trend-hopping army.
==Ethanol Today==
Ethanol is still manufactured today in areas of the world where children are still considered 
livestock, such as China, Borneo, and Kansas. In America it is still regarded as better than 
gasoline by hippies and hybrid car owners, but these groups are few in number and will hopefully 
die out next winter. The vast majority of Americans stil have no idea what Ethanol is made of, 
but they don't care, a fact that will keep the hot dog industry prosperous for many years to come.
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