Cos ... Is Painless

"Cos ... Is Painless" is the 27th episode of Wiksteria Lane.
==Summary==
Jdg's return home irritates Americana and leaves Mary with mixed feelings. In turn, the boy is ready to jump back into action alongside his partner, Renaboss, but they might be in way over their heads. Meanwhile, the trial and investigations related to the wikia murders continue to take a toll on the innocent BalkOfFame, and Villain fan, realizing he is walking on thin ice, reaches out to his beloved daughters. Mirlo takes Regemma out on a nice dinner date, with the intention of figuring out her plans, and Lynettefan asks his thugs to perform yet another great task.
==Plot==
Renaboss, the Chat Moderator of Wiksteria Lane, is standing by the door of Lynettefan's navbar, serving as a police escort for Dr. Sonya. The president of Wiksteria Lane demanded to be checked on by his doctor "friend", and ordered that the Chat Mod bring him to him, temporarily releasing him from his cell. Whatever the president wants, the president gets. Sonya examins Lynette's healing wounds and broken arm, and tells him he seems to be recovering just fine. Lynette tells him he's doing the best he can, since his nurse is so incompetent. Sonya feigns a chuckle, and Devious Peep, Lynette's new secretary/assistant, enters the bedroom and tells him that the date of the trial where he's serving as wikia prosecutor has been postponed, until he feels better. Lynette tells his company that he will be up and running soon enough, and Rena sneers. "Do you have anything to say, Moderator?" the president asks. Rena doesn't reply. Sonya finishes replacing Lynette's bandages, and is told by the ruler to leave the room, along with the assistant. Rena gives him a look, since the president wants a convict to wander off unsupervised. Lynette reassures him Sonya won't escape, and asks that DP keep an eye on him. The secretary turns to the unlicensed, incarcerated doctor and tells him, in a distinctive, stereotypical black accent, "Try sumthin' funny, queerface, and I'ma go Africa on yo skinny ass." Sonya looks intimidated. They leave the room, and Lynette does his best to approach the Chat Moderator, who stands unfazed. "Admire this," the president tells him, "Take a good look at what I am right now. At what you and your people made of me. A victim. Hurt. Beat. Take all of this in, because once it goes, it will never come back. I will heal. I will gather my strengths. And I will make you pay." Rena tells him, stoically, "I'm getting fed up with your tired, clichéd villain lines. I have a job to do. Goodbye, Mr. President." Rena leaves. Lynette looks aggravated.
Across the street, Villain fan is in his template, looking on with frustration in his eyes as the heart he once had contained in a jar with a protective fluid is now deteriorating before him. He looks out the window and spots Renaboss escorting a handcuffed Dr. Sonya back to the Moderation Station. He rushes outside and begs of Renaboss to let him have a talk to Sonya. Rena refuses this, and Villain tries to convince him by reminding him that he got Sonya arrested in the first place, so it's not like they're in cahoots about anything. Sonya claims not to be interested in hearing anything Villain might have to say, and Rena tells Villain whatever he might want to say can be said before him. Villain, desperate, gets to the point: he wants Sonya to help him score some gooey fluid that can preserve meat, organs. Rena, knowing what this is about, is disgusted. Sonya reminds Villain that he's in jail and that he lost his practising licence, he's not just gonna get his hands on medical ecquipment. Villain is desolate. Rena tells him, "Look, sicko... it's a piece of meat. Feed it to the dogs, or throw it in the trash." Rena and Sonya keep walking, and Villain looks depressed. He then goes back home, picks up the withering heart, and throws it in the garbage bin.
Back inside the presidential manor, Devious Peep walks into Lynette's bedroom and announces that the skank and the three stooges have arrived. Lynette makes no notice of her candure, and tells her to hold them off for a while so that he may get dressed and meet them in his office. Peep, from the bedroom, shouts, "Y'all hold yo horses, the president will meet you in his office!!" Lynette, with a stern look, tells her that if he wanted shouting, he could have done it himself. "Why didn't you?" she tells him, before leaving.
Shortly afterwards, Devious Peep lets Americana, Matthewvp09, Mirlo and Nosh inside Lynettefan2626's office, where the president is waiting for him, dressed in a business suit, sitting at his desk. Peep tells the guests, "Yo majesty, Mr. President Lynettefan... some numbers and shit." As Amy passes by her, she lets out a "Ugh..." giving her a look. Devious is insulted, and mumbles, "Ugh yoself, bitch... Don't gimme no constipated look, I ain'tcho momma." Lynette asks Peep to excuse herself, and the secretary does. Matthew jokes, "Looking good, boss." Lynette tells him he always does, even at his worst, which is more than Matt can say. Amy tells him, "Pay no mind to Matty here, boss. You look sexy." "Yeah!" Nosh says. Everyone gives him a look. "Regardless," Lynette starts to tell them, "I have summoned you here for... a grand reason. You see, BalkOfFame's trial has been put on hold thanks to my being attacked, which might give us enough time to up our game. My case against him is flimsy. Gleek is working hard to get the position of prosecutor taken from me due to conflicting interests. He wants to implicate me in the murders of KiMO and DoctorStrange, and therefore, well, we need to further implicate Balk. Are you familiar with the story of 'Sleeping Beauty'?" The four henchmen are confused. "Allow me to recount it. You see, the story centers around a beautiful woman who is put to sleep. All of it because, well, because of a fallen fairy who felt wronged when she wasn't invited to a party. That's the angle we're spinning when it comes to this story." They still look confused. "Americana, you are a hacking expert. You will break into the offices of the Community Hall and forge up new evidence. Send me e-mails from BOF's account where he shows resentment over not being invited to my wedding. Where his, his, 'hatred' for my community becomes apparent." Amy grins. "You're gonna blame him for the church thingy, aren't you?" "Yes. I am. You see, only the presidents of all three wikis had access to the arms room in the Community Center. Where the bombs were all stolen from. Imma stole my key, of course, but then put it back in its place. I have a good alibi for when the bombs were stolen, I was at a wedding planning meeting with Lady and Quinn. But Balk, ah... he was all alone. Sleeping in his summer template, after a fight with his wife. Shady, isn't it?" Amy is delighted. Lynette continues: "You see... in the eyes of the people... of the judge, of the jury... in my eyes... the story will be as follows: the Lostpedia is a fast-fading wiki. Whereas Wiksteria Lane is a thriving community. I neglected to invite BOF to my wedding, the event of the decade, and he felt wronged. Me inviting Gleek only further aggravated him. His plan then became to bomb the church and scare the people, from my wiki to his." Amy then asks, "But what about the murders? Both happened in this wiki, long before the church blew up." "Well then," he says, "We will just have to rewrite history again. That's something you're adept at. We will have to... magic up a recurring tendency of Balk's to kill. To resort to murder. And that's where sleeping beauty comes in..." This said, Lynette slides off the top of his desk to reveal the cooling chamber beneath it where ImmaGleek lies, frozen, deceased. The three men gasp at the sight, and Amy laughs. "Holy crap," she says, "This is too delicious." "Is she okay?" Nosh asks. "No, Nosh..." Lynette gives him a judging look, "She's dead." "She's so pretty..." the simple man then says. "Well maybe you should ask her out," Mirlo suggests. Lynette tells them to stay on the point. "Here's the thing: my darling secretary had a history with Balk's right-hand man, IceBerry. Americana, use your Internet expertise to conjure up e-mails and message threads where Balk professes his love for Imma, who turns him down, in favor of Ice. Then, well... I think you know what to do with her," he finishes, as he looks at his secretary, "My dear Imma... even in death you serve me so well." Amy, however, has a thought: "There's just one thing..." Lynette looks at her. "If memory serves me correctly, from what you've told me," she reminds him, "You had a witness to Imma's murder." Lynette looks sullen as he remembers this. "Well..." he says, "I guess I... I'll just have to... pay them a visit." "Shouldn't be so hard," Amy tells him, with a smile. "No... it will be. Excruciatingly so. Especially for me."
Renaboss opens the door to his template to find Jdg98 standing there, ready to move back in. Rena hugs him and says he's happy to have him back. Jdg says the same thing. He enters the template, and Rena carries inside the small luggage Jdg had left with the last time. Lady moves in to hug him, and tells him, "It is so very good to have you into the back in the house." Jdg smils and says, "I have missed hearing you speak." "Well, you'll see the sound of my sweet voice much very time. I just wish I... looked... présentable." "You know you're always beautiful anyway," he tells her, "And you seem to be recovering nicely." She smiles and tells him he's sweet. Cat greets Jdg, and then Mary comes down the stairs, wearing a very modest outfit, relatively anxious to see her former fling. Jdg looks at her immense beauty and is flabbergasted. He starts to mumble a greeting, and Mary chuckles. Lady comments on her "clodes" being so wholesome, and Mary says she wanted to look nice. Mary and Jdg hold hands. Renaboss says, "Hey, lovebirds, I, hate to cut in between, but I could really need a moment to talk to my lunkheaded buddy here." Mary says it's okay, and Jdg follows Rena into the PM room.
"You broke the jar?" Jdg says. "Yes," Rena answers, "I had enough of that sick bastard. He's a total psycho, he goes around playing people and ruining lives. And on top of that, he probably killed some kid somehow. And kept the heart as a keepsake. So I... I just... had to do it. Ruin it for him. I got so much pleasure out of it, Jdg." "Right..." the kid gives him a look, "And... well... you're trying to figure out what he's done, whose heart it was, and rather than keeping it to yourself and having people run tests or whatever to find out, you ruined that important piece of evidence?" Rena is silent for quite some time, looking befuddled. "I'm an idiot," he says, to which Jdg replies, "Yeah, you're nothing without me."
Shortly afterwards, the wonder duo leave their template to make their way to the Community Center, in order to do as much research as they can on Villain. "Gleek and his officers are all over the current trial, so they don't really need my help very much. We can entertain ourselves with this," Rena says. Meanwhile, Americana and the three thugs leave the template of their president. As soon as she sees Jdg, she starts shrieking: "Hold up, hold up, what the fuck?! What the hell is he doing back here? And why aren't you arresting him?" Rena grins and tells her, "Sorry, Amy, turns out our beloved president has agreed to lift the conviction. Jdg is a free boy now." "No!" she shouts, "This will not stand, I will not let it stand. Look at me! Look, look at my face! I'm pissed!" "Sucks to be you," Jdg tells her, with a victorious smile. They enter Rena's car and drive off. Americana is outraged.
That night, Mirlo and Regemma are seen at their date, over on Chez Wikia. They are seated by the maître-glee who shows them their table, and they exchange smiles. As they open up their menus, Mirlo thanks her for agreeing to join him for dinner. "I know we, we'd just met and, you knew nothing about me, so, it was really nice that you agreed to this. I'm very glad." The young man uses all of his charms to win her over. "I'm glad too," she tells him, smiling, "So, why did you invite me to dinner?" He looks at her, and she says, "You know girls. This is basically a... me asking you why you like me." She blushes a little. Mirlo smiles, and starts to say, "Well, um, I, I just thought that... you were... beautiful." She asks him why he paused. He looks at her, and really assimilates how gorgeous she looks that night. "Because..." he says, "I just felt really... stupid saying that." (Reg is confused) "I mean... 'beautiful', it, it doesn't feel like it's enough, like it covers it. At all. You're, you're radiant, perfect... glorious. Am I rambling?" They both chuckle. Mirlo then adds, "And of course, um, I just, you seemed really nice and charismatic and I thought we had a good connection, so, I just really wanted to do this, to get to know you better... So... thank you. For coming here with me tonight." Regemma looks down, blushes and smiles. She then looks back up at him. Beautiful. He asks her, "How about you, why, why did you agree to join me for dinner?" "Oh, I... I just thought you were very handsome, and, charming, and, of course, I know that you are working for Lynettefan2626, our dear psychotic president," (Mirlo's eyes widen) "...who murdered my sister and now apparently has his thugs trying to find out what it is exactly that I'm up to, and I gotta say, you people on that community really like to run with the suburban stereotypes, never before have I had anyone being so up in my business like my new neighbors." Mirlo is silent for a few seconds, and then asks her how she knows this. She engages in another long exposition:" Well, I do work from the house. And it's not like I work very much or very hard, basically all I do is update my blog and write TV show reviews online that no one really reads. And of course I'm working on my very first novel, based on me and sister, but, yeah, where I'm going with this is that I have a lot of free time on my hands, enough to not be fooled by any of Lynette's henchmen. I know exactly who is working for him, with him, and who I have to watch out for if I want to get back at him. And I will get back at him. Don't ask me how, because, honestly, dear, I don't really have much of a clue at the moment. But I will figure it out. And in the meantime, I would appreciate it if you didn't distract me with lies and tales and manipulations as you try to squeeze information out of me. And I would also very much appreciate it if that God-awful woman you're in cahoots with stopped staring at me through binoculars. Do we live in a 1980s teen movie? I'd like some privacy, please." The maître-glee shows up again and asks if they're ready to order, to which Regemma tells him, nonchallantly, they're going to need a few more minutes to decide, for they got caught up in their conversation. Once the glorified waiter leaves, Mirlo asks her why she would agree to have dinner with him if she was just gonna spill the beans that she knows what he's up to this early on. "Well," she says, "I'm not in the mood for games. My sister was killed, you know? Also, I figured you'd pay for dinner. A girl's gotta eat." She looks down at her menu, as Mirlo stares at her with open-mouthed shock. "I think I'll have the lobster," she says.
Gleek sits on his guest bed, looking pensive. Flashback - Gleek is in his actual navbar, lying on his back on his couple's bed, with his legs up in the air. "Oh yes, kiss my butt, kiss my butt!" Dr. Sonya makes himself appear at the side of the bed, having just indulged his lover, and tells him, "I love the taste of the hair on your butt." They kiss hard and passionately and Gleek tells him, "Oh baby, do gay stuff to me." Dr. Sonya penetrates him, while grabbing his feet up in the air, as Gleek is overcome with a wave of relatively painful pleasure and starts shouting out, "Oh, yes, yes, yes, oh! Gay, gay, yes, oh, so gay, oh my God...!!" "Gleek?!" A familiar female voice is heard. The two male lovers stop what they're doing as they look to the navbar door to find Primadonna Girl standing by the door, looking as though she's just seen a ghost. "Honey!" Gleek shrieks, as he and Sonya attempt to cover themselves, "I thought you'd gone to the Gallery!" "Oh, God..." Primadonna looks as though she's about to throw up. She rushes out. "Crap..." Gleek says.
The flashback ends with the sound of Gleek's cell phone ringing. He answers the call, and on the other side his friend BalkOfFame sounds frantic. "Gleek!" He tells him, as he cries out wit agony, "I, I, I, I, I don't know what to do, I don't know what's going on, my, my... Gleek, they, the officers are here, your officers, they say that, that, I killed that, that Imma girl, Lynette's secretary, I, I..." Balk can barely speak. He starts sobbing. "Balk, Balk, calm down, tell me what happened, breathe, stay calm, and speak to me." Balk tries to recompose himself, and tells his friend that the Glee Wiki officers came over on a tip and found the cadaver of ImmaGleek, Lynette's former secretary, in his basement freezer. They checked his computer and found e-mails they'd exchanged in which BOF appears to get angry with her and threatens her. "Gleek, I, I didn't even know the woman, I swear to God I didn't do anything. My wife has left me, she thinks I, I cheated, I don't know... what... Gleek they say I blew up the church!! I, I..." He breaks down completely. A Chat Moderator approaches the Lostpedia president to handcuff him. "I'll be right there! Don't worry, I'll get to the bottom of this," Gleek says, before hanging up. He jumps out of bed and starts to get dressed. Primadonna shows up at the door and asks what all the commotion is about. Gleek tells her, and she looks bored. He asks her to show some sympathy, since a man's life is being ruined unjustly, for no good reason. Primadonna tells him, "Boo hoo ha, cry me a river, nobody ever cares about my pain, why should I care about anyone else's?" Gleek looks at her for a few seconds with disdain, silently, before calling her a selfish, spoiled bitch. Prima smirks. "It's not my fault, honey. You broke me. There was a time when I didn't care the least bit about myself, because I made you the center of my world. Only to find out that you never cared about me, that you never loved me." "I love you... Make no mistake, I do love you. Right now, God only knows why, but you're my wife. And I love you." "Right," she tells him, unconvinced, "You just hate to show that you love me. If you know what I mean." Gleek doesn't deny this. Just looks at her quietly. "Tell me," she says, "Do you think I'm pretty?" He walks over to her, puts his hands on her cheeks and says, "You... are the most beautiful woman I have ever met." "Bet I'd look prettier with a penis though," she says. "Please don't mock me," he begs of her. He starts to walk out of the navbar, and she makes him stop, saying, "I want a divorce." He doesn't turn back to her right away, but when he does, he says, with an angry look, "Well guess what, honey, you're not getting one. I'm not giving you the satisfaction. And if you even so much as call an attorney, I will make sure that I leave you with nothing. No family, no money, no dignity, nothing. Whether you like it or not, you are stuck with me. I am a president, I have an image and a reputation to uphold, and I'm not gonna let you spoil them. And you think you're alone in this, huh? That it's such a torment being married to me? Well guess how I feel waking up every fucking day knowing I'm married to a heartless cunt!!!" She automatically slaps him across the face. He is shocked, and hurt. He brings his hand over to his red cheek, looking at her with surprise. Then he slaps her back.
There is a knock on Rena's door, and Lady opens it to find her father. "Papa..." she says with surprise. "Hey sweetheart," he moves in to kiss her cheeks, but she steps back, instinctively. Villain is saddened. "I'm... sorry," she says, "After what you did... lying to me, to Rena... I need space." Villain claims to know this, and that he's tried to respect it, but he misses his little girls too much. "Also, I brought something for Cat..." He stands aside to reveal a large, black dog on the passenger seat of his car, poking its head out of the rolled-down window and barking uncontrollably. "What is dat??!!" Lady screams, and Villain says he got them a dog. He wanted a puppy but they were all out at the Pet Gallery. Cat hears the commotion and joins them. "Hey, precious," his father tells her, "Look what daddy got you." "A puppy!" she exclaims with enthusiasm, as she rushes out towards the car. "It's any puppy, it's a monster!" Lady says of the growling beast. Cat opens the door to the car and the large dog comes out, looking angry. Cat starts petting it and it doesn't seem fazed by the young child. Lady, however, is worried for her safety. Villain tells her it's alright, the doggy couldn't hurt a fly.
Shortly afterwards, Villain and his two daughters are sitting in Rena's PM room, with the dog squatting over by the corner and pooping. Villain tells them he's gonna have to be educated and disciplined. Cat cheerily tells him she can do that. Lady is less than thrilled. "Ok, honey," Villain tells her, "I understand that, that springing a dog on you is perhaps not the best, wisest decision. But, I just, I missed you girls so much, and I thought, I don't know what I thought, I just... wanted to do something. Give you a gift. Cat loves animals so much, so... I'm sorry." Lady tells him it's alright, she appreciates the "jeshure". Villain smiles at them, and then says, "And, girls... I'm not going to... sit here and lie to you. Pretend like... like I'm a very good person or that my track record is immaculate. We all know that's not true. I've done... bad, shameful things that I'm not proud of, and that I wish I could take back, but I can't. I don't know what's gonna happen in the future, what it will bring, but I do know one thing, and I want you to know it too: I love you so much. No matter who I am, what I did, I love you. Never for one second doubt it. The two of you are my world, my life. I love you both so very much." Mary comes downstairs, sees them in the room and says, "Daddy?", with surprise. Villain turns to her and says, "Oh hi Mary." He then turns back to his two other daughters and says, "I should probably go now, before, well, before Rena gets home. He's not... too fond of me. I really hope the dog doesn't cause too much damage. What are you gonna name it, sweetheart?" he asks Cat. She says, "I don't know yet..." "You'll think of something great. I know you will." He kisses them both goodbye, and starts to leave. As he walks towards the front door, he waves at Mary, who doesn't quite know how to react. Lady turns to find the dog chewing on the couch pillows. Cat chuckles, and her oldest sister sighs.
Lynettefan is seen sitting in his office, looking pensive. Devious Peep announces Americana ("Boss, Miss Bug-Up-Her-Butt is here.") Amy walks past the receptionist and tells her, "I have a strong contempt for black people and an even stronger liking for sharp objects. Take note of that." "I'ma throw acid in yo face," Peep tells her. "You should opt to pour bleach over yours," Amy retorts. Lynette asks Peep to excuse them, and she leaves the office mumbling hateful words while Amy smiles. Americana informs her boss that the deed is done, she forged all the e-mails and fake evidence he requested, and Imma's body was planted in BOF's basement. "I trust that you took care of the, um, witness problem?" she tells him, to which he replies, looking sullen, "No, I didn't. I know that I should, and soon, but, I couldn't gather up the courage to face her again. Not after what I did." Amy smiles and asks if he would like her to take care of it for him. He faces her and says, "Would you?"
Lady Junky comes home from the Gallery, bringing with her grocery bags and a brand new make-up kit to cover up the bruises on her face. She opens the door and is horrified to find Cat and the dog in the company of Americana, who is petting the wild beast as though he is just a small, docile hamster. Lady asks her what she is doing there. Americana, always with a very courteous smile, tells Lady that the little girl let her in. "Cat, I taught I tell you, don't open doors to strangers," Lady says, as calmly as she possibly can, to which Cat replies, "She's not a stranger, she's our neighbor. Amy's cool. And the doggy loves her." Lady is surprised by how well the creature behaves around Americana. As though it knows it is no match for her repressed aggressiveness. "I was just telling young Cat here that I love her drawings. She is so talented." "I wanna be a cartoonist when I grow up. Make Disney films and stuff like that," the young lady tells her, with a dreamy smile. Amy, looking as charming and delightful as she can, tells her she just knows Cat will make it. Lady asks Cat where Mary is, and the little girl says, "She mumbled something about getting a job at the Wikia Brothel and left." "She left you all alone?" Lady asks, with a hint of shock, and Cat says, "No, I had the doggy to keep me company. And a few minutes later Amy came over." "Oh I just get so lonely all by myself in that big template your ex-fiancé gave me, Lady. I thought I'd drop by and, well, meet the new member of your growing family." She strokes the dog's head. Lady tells Cat, "Sweetie, why, why don't you put doggy outside to poo and peep while Americana and I have woman's talk?" Cat obliges immediately, going out the back door and taking the doggy with her, and Amy smiles as the little girl leaves. Once the door closes, Lady turns to Americana and, with a serious tone, says, "Why you do here?" Amy starts to chuckle: "I'm sorry, I... I just think it's so funny... I mean, you looked at me like that, looking so serious, like you were going to kill me. I actually got a chill. But then you started talking and OMG I had to laugh. Honey you're far more intimidating when you don't open your mouth." Lady begs her neighbor not to mock her, and tells her to get straight to the point. "Ok, I shall," Amy says, always sitting down, "Here's the thing. Soon enough, well, it's gonna be all over the news that BalkOfFame, the great president of the Lostpedia, murdered ImmaGleek. We made sure of that. And, well, you being the sole witness to what truly happened..." "You and Lynette want me to keep mouf closed. And let an innocent, poor man go to jail. For what Lynette did to Imma." "Yes, I'm so glad you're not dumb, speech disability notwithstanding." "I will not be quiet. I'll tell everyone. I have been..." she finally puts her bags down, "...afraid for too long. No more! I will call mods right now." Amy's grin widens. Cat then suddenly comes in, and tells her sister, "Lady, the doggy keeps eating its own poop, I think he's hungry, did you get the Wikia Chow?" "Cat, go!!" Lady shouts at her. The young girl is startled and surprised. Amy smiles, not looking back. "Cat," Lady continues, "I am ordering you, go out and stay out!" Cat is somewhat frightened. Amy turns to her and says, "It's okay, honey. Your sister is a little upset because of her ex. We were just talking about it." Amy looks and sees the bag of Wikia Chow inside one of Lady's grocery bags, retrieves it, and hands it over to the young girl, all the while with Lady looking at them, with worry in her eyes. "Here," Amy says, "Go feed your doggy. You know, dogs are people's best friends. We have to make sure to cherish them and take good care of them. It's our job." Cat smiles and heads back outside, closing the door. "Aw, your little sister is so precious," Amy says, with a large smile, before turning back to Lady and allowing the smile to disappear, going on to say, "I'm gonna kill her. I'm gonna kill you, and your other sister, and your father. I'll kill your annoying boyfriend and that piece-of-shit tween that just moved back in," she moves in closer to Lady, standing face-to-face with her, "I'll even kill that damn dirty dog you just acquired. If you breathe one word about Imma's death to anyone, I will pick up my machine gun and blow you all to hell. I'll kill everyone you hold close to your heart. And why? Damned if I know, I'll just do it cos YOLO!!" Lady is horrified, but tries to keep her composure. Amy puts her hand on the blonde's cheek and she flinches. "I know you'll be smart, dear. After all, what matters most? Some dorky president who's had a good run and whom you've barely even met, or your dear family? You have to evaluate all the possible outcomes of this. And make the right choice." Lady starts to tear up. "Now if you'll excuse me," Amy says, "I have to go and threaten someone else. I guess a troll's job is never done, huh?" She opens the door and lets herself out. Lady gasps once she's gone, and wipes the tears from her face.
Americana then walks on over to Regemma, who is replacing a window on her house. Amy nonchallantly comments that she didn't know Reg could do stuff like that by herself, and the neighbor says that her father, a glass repairman and handyman, taught her everything she could ever need to know to fix stuff around a house; taught her and her sister, as a matter of fact. Amy mumbles that perhaps that's why Imma had no problem setting up a whole plethora of bombs without asking for anyone's help. Reg asks "What?" and Amy says "Nuttin'." She asks what happened to the window, and Regemma says some kids were just playing football and kicked a ball into her house by accident. Amy says she hopes Reg didn't go too hard on them, and the redhead claims she didn't at all, their mother even offered to pay for the substitution of the window but she wouldn't hear of it. "Boys will be boys, you know? And I love little projects like these." Amy says, "Ok, enough chit-chatting, I'm bored. So, I guess you're a smarter little bitch than I gave you credit for, and I always stood to believe that there was only room for one smart little bitch in this street, me. Mirlo told me what happened. So just tell me: what the fuck do you want, cunt? What's your plan?" Regemma tells her, "I told Mirlo. I don't have a plan. I'll just play it by ear." Amy smiles. "Do you expect me to believe that?" Reg says, "I don't really care. The question is, why do you?" "I'm trying to protect and serve my boss. You happen to be a minor thorn on his side, I want to make sure he doesn't prick his ass." Regemma tells her to just concern herself with other matters, and Amy puts on her threatening tone and tells her to wise up and leave the lane. "My boss is working on big stuff, huge, gigantic. You don't wanna be around when he meets all his goals." "Oo, cryptic. Shady. Scary. Also, tired, predictable, and boring. 'Big stuff'? See, the way I see it, it's better to just stay on the low. Wouldn't wanna rock any boats myself." Amy tells her, "You annoy me." Regemma asks why. "Because... I can't figure you out. And I don't like that." Regemma apologizes for frustrating her. Americana starts walking away, backwards.
Rena comes home, alone. Mary is there, and asks where Jdg is. Rena says he doesn't know, the young man said he'd have to go and do something, and that he'd be right back. Cat asks if there are any news, and he claims there aren't, nothing worth noting. He then notices the big-ass black dog, who promptly barks out loud, scaring him. "DAFUQ???!!!" Rena shouts, cowering against a corner, "What the fuck is that thing?!" Cat tells him it's the family dog, that her daddy got for them. Lady tells her lover she'll explain it to him later. Jdg enters the house, bringing with him the withering heart Villain tossed out... and the dog immediately jumps at him. Jdg screams like a little girl as the dog immediately devours the heart. Jdg manages to escape, but the dog wants to bite his hands off, for they smell of the rotting meat. Rena stands between them and hits the dog over the head with a rolled up newspaper, "Bad doggy!! Bad doggy!!" The dog growls like a vicious beast, until Cat's sweet voice is heard saying, "Doggy. Calm down. Come here." The dog obeys, walking towards his owner, who starts petting him. Jdg says, meekly, "I saw my life flashing before my eyes... my life is shit." Rena asks him what he had with him, and Jdg explains that he went over to Villain's property and looked around to see if he'd thrown the heart out, which he had. It was already on the dumpster outside, inside the kitchen trash bag. "I thought... we could use it to run those tests. Find out who it belonged to." Rena commends him on his thinking. They then look over at the dog. Jdg asks what it is, and Cat explains it again. Lady starts to tell her it's probably not a good idea to keep such an unruly dog around the house, but Cat looks sad when she hears this and starts to hug her pet - "No, I don't want Rocky to go!!" "Rocky?" Lady asks. "Yeah," she says, "I think... I think I wanna name him Rockaboss... after Rena... cos he was so nice he let us stay here. And I know he's so nice he's gonna let the doggy stay too." Everyone in attendance looks at Rena, who sighs.
Some time later, Mary comes over to Jdg, and tells him he was so funny when he screamed like a girl. Jdg tries to deny this, but they eventually just end up laughing about it. Mary then not-so-subtly suggests that they head upstairs and... do the deed. "I missed you," she says, "I miss... being intimate with you." She blushes a little. Jdg does as well. "Look," he says, "I, I missed you a lot too while I was gone. So, now that I'm back, I want the chance to do this right. No more sneaky encounters, anything of the sort. I want us to be... boyfriend and girlfriend. And date. I can't afford to take you to Chez Wikia or anything, but, we could have pic-nics and stuff, have some fun. We don't need to jump in bed right away." Mary looks disappointed and content at once. She says "Okay", and he kisses her on the cheek. He then walks away, and she looks down. She walks around the PM room, looking relatively anxious. Outside, on the street, she notices the three thugs, Matthew, Mirlo and Nosh, entering their template. She leaves home and rushes over to them, next to the rotunda. She knocks on their door, and Mirlo opens it. She immediately walks into their PM room, where all four people (including Americana) are. Mary then says, "I wanna have sex with you. All of you." They all look at her with confusion.
Renaboss asks Lady what is wrong. She asks what he means. "I know you. I know when you're sad. Just tell me." Lady is silent for a few seconds, and then starts to tell him what happened.
BalkOfFame sits in an interrogation room, all by himself. Gleekobsessed and Gliebe then come in. Gleek puts one hand over his friend's shoulder and tells him, lowly, "I'm sorry... It's just... it's all looking so bad right now..." A single tear streams down from Balk's right eye. Gliebe tells him, "Balk, I have pulled every string I know to allow you to walk out of here freely. You can go home. Rest. And prepare yourself, the times ahead are gonna be tough." Balk gets up, and his friend Gleek puts one hand over his shoulder as they walk.
Flashback - BalkOfFame stands at the entrance to the Lostpedia, along with Gleekobsessed, and a car parks next to him. DoctorStrange gets out of the driver's side, and shakes their hands. Gleek introduces them, as the presidents of two distinct communities. Doc says, "So this is the famed BalkOfFame? I guess the name is just an indicator of that." BOF laughs, and Gleek commends the work DoctorStrange has done for Wiksteria Lane. BOF says he's taken a look, and it is coming along greatly. Doc claims that if he just manages to reach one tenth of what Balk has done for his wiki, he will be content. Balk says, "Oh, I'm sure you'll achieve much more than that. I find your projects to be very promising. I know that, together, we three will make the wikia universe a grand one. The future of society as we know it." The three men smile with pride.
In the present, BalkOfFame is seen in his navbar, sitting on his bed. All alone. Fighting back the tears.
Balk gets up from his bed and moves towards the closet. He opens the doors and looks at his assortment of clothes.
Balk takes out a blanket and starts to twirl it.
Balk hangs a noose from his ceiling fan, made from the blanket. He steps up on a chair and wraps it around his neck. He then kicks the chair to the side and lets himself fall.
Category:Season 3 Category:Episodes