Grand Theft Auto: Bikini Bottom Stories

Grand Theft Auto: Bikini Bottom Stories is the latest installment of the popular video game series developed by Rockstar Games. Based on the classic children’s cartoon series ‘Spongebob Squarepants’ and taking place in the comical, subaquarian city of Bikini Bottom, the game is the only installment to receive an ‘E for Everyone’ rating from ESRB. There are currently 50 public primary schools in the United Kingdom which have listed the game as a compulsory study material for sociology. This decision, made by the UK Education Board, has been hotly debated amongst parents and teachers.
==Plot==
The game takes place in Bikini Bottom at a time of economic hardship. Bikini Bottom, once a happy and lively place, has descended into chaos and crime. 
Spongebob Squarepants, the protagonist of the cartoon series, lives in a safehouse shaped like a pineapple and works for Mr. Krabs, a simple-minded owner of a fast food restaurant called the ‘Krusty Krab' whose motto, ‘Live by your own means’, becomes a recurring theme throughout the game. Facing severe financial losses, Mr. Krabs is pressured to modify his famous dish, the ‘Krabby Patty’ hamburger, into an addictive drug. He also recruits extra employees to protect his drug business, forming the Krabs gang. Spongebob, alongside his grumpy neighbour Squidward Tentacles and mentally challenged friend Patrick Star, unwillingly ‘flip the burgers’ (codeword for ‘produce the drugs’) and earn a meager living with the drug money, praying and believing that their criminal lives will come to an end when the economy improves. thumb|right|300px|Who else did you think this is? No, this is Patrick!
Meanwhile, the main antagonist Plankton, leader of the Chum Bucket gang across the street, is seeking to obtain the secret formula of Mr. Krabs’ Krabby Patty. He launches frequent skirmishes against the Krabs gang, disrupts the business of the Krusty Krab and even harasses Sandy Cheeks, Spongebob’s squirrel girlfriend. Spongebob is unwilling to stand up to his arch nemesis until one day, Plankton kidnaps Sandy and threatens to slit her throat after he is ‘done with her’, unless Mr. Krabs gives up his business and surrenders the secret formula. Mr. Krabs, who is too obese and cowardly to help out his homeboy, refuses to confront Plankton in the open. Instead, he takes Spongebob to a weapon store named ‘Temple of Time’. There, the protagonist retrieves a legendary blade known as the ‘Master Sword’ and equips himself with free samples of firearms and explosives provided by the storeowner (available for one mission only). He then turns around, puts on a pair of sunglasses, and says, ‘Time to kick some buckets.’ 
To make things difficult, Plankon pours his unsold chum (an unpopular drug; not to be confused with ‘cum') on the road to the Chum Bucket headquarters, making the floor sticky and filled with a nauseating stench; to further complicate things, malignant seaweeds flooded the area, their growth stimulated by the nutrients from chum, creating a portal into an alternate dimension - the ‘Mushroom Kingdom’, filled with endless dungeons to solve, castles to enter and turtles to jump on. Spongebob, aided by his loyal friend Patrick, ventures into the portal, only to be frustrated by the thought that Sandy is always waiting in another castle with cake. Realizing that the cake is a lie, Spongebob declares, ‘It's a trap!’, and leads Patrick out of the portal. 
While the two were trapped in the Mushroom Kingdom, Squidward’s loyalty shifts to the Chum Bucket gang when Plankton promises him a new oboe. As he runs across the street with the secret formula in his hand (after murdering Mr. Krabs and burning down the Krusty Krab), he gets stuck in a puddle of chum and collapses in exhaustion. At that moment, Spongebob emerges from the portal and retrieves the secret formula. Squidward, unable to recognize Spongebob with new armour and equipment on, asks who he is. Spongebob points a shotgun at Squidward’s forehead and asks, ‘Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?’ Squidward shakes his head in confusion. Spongebob shouts, ‘Spongebob Squarepants, motherfucker!’ then pulls the trigger.
Plankton, wearing a bucket-shaped helm and accompanied by his gang, arrives at the scene with a hogtied Sandy. He demands the two hand over the secret formula, while simultaneously transforming into a metrosexual man with long white hair who wields an elongated katana. After a long and ferocious battle between the duo and the Chum Bucket gang, which laid waste the city of Bikini Bottom, Spongebob destroys Plankton with the Master Sword using an omnislash, subsequently causing the Chum Bucket gang to rout. 
Upon freeing Sandy, the heavily wounded Patrick transfers his last heart container to a dying Spongebob and dies himself, succumbing to his wounds. Spongebob buries the Master Sword with Patrick, embraces Sandy in sorrow and looks into the distance. Sandy looks around the desolated town of Bikini Bottom and asks, ‘What are we to do now?’. Spongebob gazes at Mr. Krab’s secret formula in his hand, smiles and says, ‘Live by our own means’. The game ends with the couple walking hand in hand towards the setting sun. 
A cutscene at the end of the credits reveals a spongy, squirrel-like creature, sleeping in a wooden cradle with the word ‘Patrick’ carved into it, indicating the couple might have had a son and named him after the brave star who sacrificed his own life for their sake.
==Gameplay==
The gameplay of Bikini Bottom Stories shares many similarities with its predecessors, most notably San Andreas. As in the cartoon series, all actions conducted in the subaquatic environment defy conventional physics, e.g. cars and guns function normally in Bikini Bottom as if on land. 
Players control Spongebob in third-person mode, and can carry out various activities. Unlike other games of the series, there are no prostitutes in Bikini Bottom, due to the proven fact that fish with mammalian features causes irreparable psychological damage amongst young children. Also, Spongebob only has one safehouse due to the limited size of Bikini Bottom (and to stay true to its cartoon sources). He can, however, keep pets such as Gary the Snail in his safehouse by completing certain side-missions. Pets do not play a critical role in the storyline missions but are popular with players due to the amount of interactive entertainment they provide (see animal cruelty and bestiality). 
An invisible wall surrounds Bikini Bottom. A random glitch might allow the player to break out into the ocean, only to be eaten by a plesiosaurus. 
==Reception==
IGN currently rates the game 10 out of 10, calling it ‘everything a sandbox game should be’. Rotten Tomatoes awarded the game 96% Fresh from 100 reviews, stating, ‘Although it lacks some important features which have made its predecessors successful, the world of Bikini Bottom and the storyline is so impressive that before you realize it, you’d have invested more hours in this game than Skyrim…a must play for GTA fans and non-GTA fans alike!’. Oscar Wilde, on behalf of Uncyclopedia, commented, ‘Fuck yeah!’
==Controversy==
 Parenting groups such as soccer moms have expressed concern over the effect of cartoony violence on children. Religious groups such as the Westboro Baptist Church complained that Bikini Bottom Stories lacked churches or any reference to a Caucasian homophobic God. Together, the two groups filed a joint petition to the Supreme Court of the United States to restrict sales of the game. The Court issued an official reply letter addressing these concerns, which stated, ‘Nuts!’, while attaching a console of the game with the letter, tagged ‘Dis some good shit’.
==See Also==
*Grand Theft Auto
*Video games
Category:Grand Theft Auto
Category:SpongeBob SquarePants‎