Sir Alec Dow, Anagrammatist

Sir Alec Alfing O'Heliafter Swill Dow (1854-1900) is universally acknowledged as the greatest anagrammatist in the history of English literature. Born in an adobe abode at Bunlid, Rindale, his father, Sal Eric Dow, was a writer and his mother, Carol Swide, was a physician. After graduating from Foxrod University's Demganal College in 1878, Dow's brilliant career, during which he produced literally tens of thousands of anagrams on hundreds of different subjects, lasted 22 years before his untimely death of brain fatigue.
Dow was known as a defiant heterosexual who was mercilessly persecuted by English society for his "straight" sexual practices, as well as his affliction with Anagrammatic Tourette's Syndrome (ATS) - an extremely rare and highly misunderstood disease which caused many offensive outbursts, all expressed as innocuous-sounding anagrams. His knighthood, granted in 1886, was informally predicated on his willingness to first marry a man, Lloyd Constance (third son of the Duke of Kingmachub), in 1884. Unhappy about the forced marriage, Dow remained steadfast to his preferred sexual orientation, despite the mounting pressures he faced among the British elite. "I faced a coy duke with tall guns," he was known to state on several occasions, though no one to this day has successfully deciphered the (possibly ATS-derived) reference.
Despite his professed sexual leanings, Dow was a keen amateur proctologist, and examined many famous people of the time and of other points in history, such as Adam West, Jesus and, according to rumour, Oscar Wilde. This rumour originated from a remark made by Dow when asked if he had any hobbies. The genial knight supposedly replied, "Ol' Oscar. Top git" with typical English charm.
In 1895, Dow formally accused Lord Godlauss, Marquess of Queersnerby, of libel in relation to his alleged liaison with Queersnerby's daughter, Feldra "Bison" Godlauss. Unfortunately, Dow collapsed under heavy cross-examination, admitted the scandalous heterosexual liaison, and was sentenced to two year's mixed-doubles tennis at "Gardeni Goal," a popular British health spa and beach resort. This was not his only punishment, however - Dow's works were burned in huge public bonfires by the irate English public, and tragically, most of his anagrams were rearranged to match their original sources. To this day, very few genuine Dow "couplets" currently survive, and most that are claimed to be the work of the great anagrammatist are inevitably proven to be forgeries.
Some of these forgeries are reproduced here, though many are still believed to be genuine by so-called experts. Feel free to add your own.
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==Dow on Politics==
The Royal Family of Great Britain 	A nail-trim oily fart fag-boy, there!
The Endless Arab-Israeli Conflict 	I lend the tribes slices for a canal.
Those damned old U.S. Liberals and Conservatives	So! Osama bin Laden serves us that cold devil-nerd...
President Saddam Hussein 	U.S. hid dear's inept madness.
President George W. Bush 	Big spender got us... where?
Dick Cheney 	Needy Chick
For Saudi Arabia's Emirs 	US aims for arid air-base.
Global Warming 	A grim ballgown
Abraham Lincoln 	Hairball conman
Spiro Agnew 	Grow a penis
George Herbert Walker Bush 	Huge Berserk Rebel Warthog
Sarah Palin 	Sharia Plan
Kim Il-sung of North Korea 	Ole King Kim. HONOR US, FART!
King Kim Sr. a fool, hurt one!
Kim Jong-il of North Korea 	King Kim Jr. Not a hero, fool!
Kim Jong-un of North Korea 	Honor King "Fat Joke". Mourn.
More junk! Far honking, too!
----
==Dow on Music==
Disco Sucks Big-Time 	Be sick, it's Dog Music...
No Elvis, Beatles, and the Rolling Stones	Bing, don't sell these evil atonal snores!
Love Unlimited Orchestra 	A custom evil Nerd-o-Hitler
Whiny Emocore 	Cheney rim, woo!
You love Christian Rap. 	Our holy satanic viper.
----
==Dow on Religion==
God loves Christianity, Islam, and Judaism	Shitty cranial-mud-mass ninja dog-voles!
His Sublime Holiness The Dalai Lama 	Mao smile, steal, hide his Asian hub.
Christmas Holiday Cheer 	His scheme? Arch idolatry.
One Nation Under God 	On One Ignorant Dude.
M.G. "Pat" Robertson 	A GT porn mobster.
Creationism, creationism, creationism. 	Miscreation? An eroticism? Satiric omen!
King James Bible 	Jim nibbles a keg.
The Prophet Muhammad 	Hmm, dope up that harem!"Homer, The Mad Hat Pump"
Westboro Baptist Church 	Scab bitches throw up rot.
Hinduism 	In his mud
Holy Pope 	Polyp hoe
Church of Scientology 	Grouchy hoes conflict.
----
==Dow on Economics==
The Dow-Jones Industrial Average	Dude was never a jail-shitter goon!
Freakonomics 	A mocker of sin.
Alan Greenspan 	An age's planner.
Benjamin Bernanke 	Men, Beer, Ninja, Bank...
Dr. Bernanke 	Banker Nerd.
Money is the root of all evil 	If it removes AOL "Hello", Y-NOT?
Marxism-Leninism 	Rammin', smilin' SEX!
Capitalism must be destroyed 	Steal cars? I'd best mute my iPod!Smut tape by dame led to crisis!
Grand Theft Auto 	A hot fated grunt.
Liquid Assets 	Quite ass lids!
----
==Dow on Celebrities==
Vin Diesel 	I end livesIdle veins
Judge Lance Ito 	No get Juice, lad...
Britney Spears 	Try bear's penis
Oprah Winfrey(he hated her) 	Phony fire warwine for harpy!fine, warp or hay?O whiny! fear rapin: "why rape for?"fry! pain whore!
Celine Dion 	Done in lice
Stephen A. Colbert 	He robs PC e-talent
Bono 	Noob
Chuck Norris 	Crushin' rock
Clint Eastwood 	Old West action
L. Ron Hubbard 	Blurb hard-on.Born "Lard Hub."
Oscar Wilde 	Brig. Gen. Wally "No Comment" Finkelstein IV, Jr.
Napoleon Bonaparte 	No! Not appear on Elba!
Tom Cruise 	Moist cureIce tumors
Axl Rose 	Oral sex
Michael Jackson 	Jail honks' Mecca
Michael Jackson, grammy winner	Hi Lynn! I came on Jack's rammer wong!
Gordon James Ramsay 	Mad, gory mess on a jar.
Walt Disney 	Lewd Sanity
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==Dow on Philosophy==
I wish the greatest good for the greatest number. 	Where better to shit against the grudges of Rome?
True Love Travels on a Gravel Road... 	Vera Larva's Rotten Log-Load Revue?
Why do we care about anything? 	You can't bathe a gay whiner, Dow.
No more sad, existentialist angst. 	Sex, Tits, and More Antagonist Lies!
Losing an illusion makes you wiser than finding a truth.	Ghoulish foreskin insinuates animal gluttony. -Darwin
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==Dow on Art==
Leonardo Da Vinci 	In love, on acid? Rad!Vindaloo and rice!
Salvador Dali 	Alas, Lord Diva.Larva as dildo?
Maurits Escher 	Users trace him.Shit-cream user.
Hieronymous Bosch 	Shoo, nosy cherubim!Honeycomb or sushi!
Frida Kahlo 	Airhead folk.Hairdo flake.
Art is the greatest wisdom.	Smarts do eat white tigers.Domes eat rats with tigers.
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==Dow on Sports==
Major-League Baseball 	Lame job, arguable seal.
Is it Super Bowl Sunday?	Buy USA! It's Penis World!
Washington Redskins 	So wish ant-nerd kings.
New York Giants 	Go tiny wankers!
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==Dow on Trekkie Clichés==
I'm a doctor, not a mason! 	I'm tomato arson, can do!
You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile.	Oi! Raced by us? It's all a smile. We Inuit fist eels.
Beam me up, Scotty 	O, my bum! Spectate!!!
----
==Dow on Uncyclopedia==
Uncyclopedia: The Content-Free Encyclopedia 	Cynical? Defecate hyped-up, once-cool internet.
Uncyclopedia: The Content-Free Encyclopedia Anyone Can Edit	Indecency unacceptance? Optionally-defaced internet hooey.
  	None need to cheaply deface unclean internet copycat idiocy.
ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US 	Sell your soul - Reagan ate Bob!
Be funny and not just stupid. 	Found typist unjust, BANNED!'''
Plagiarism on Uncyclopedia? 	Imaginal pros copied lunacy.
en.uncyclopedia.co 	Dug "no care" policy.
Wikipedia versus Uncyclopedia 	Vicious kid rudely wins ape-cape
The Admins 	Smite hand
It all must be a massive conspiracy 	Plans say it: Some User cabal victim!
Re: Sue the Administrators 	Are these rats in our midst?
No sockpuppets allowed 	POW! A poop-skull descent...A second skull. We pop top.
AAAAAAAAA! 	AAA!AAAAAA
Euroipods 	Odious Rep...
Kitten Huffing 	'Tight, fine funk.'
Uncyclopedia 	Do Epic Lunacy. Loud cynic ape.
Pirates 	'Parties!.'
Jonathan "Chronarian" Huang 	O' Jon: An Uncaring thorn. Ha Ha!
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==Dow on Uncyclopedians== 
Mahroww 	AH! Mr. WOW. How warm.
Some User, Some User... 	Sore muse sues more!
Mhaille 	I am Hell!
Tompkins 	Monk Tips
Zombiebaron 	A Zion Bomber
Sir Todd Lyons 	Odds on lyrist!Sir "Don't Do Sly."
Codeine 	Iced One
Rcmurphy 	MYRRH CPU
Reverend Isra 	A nerd reviser.
Lugiatm 	Ultima G
Algorithm 	Mr. Goliath
THE ACID Ammo. 	I am Death.com
Bradaphraser 	A sharper bard.
Simulacrum Caputosis 	Casual-suit prom music
Lady Keitei 	Like a deity.
Claudius Prime 	Cupid is a lemur.
Swordmaster 	Rewards most
Prettiestpretty 	Petty trip-tester.
King In Yellow 	I know yelling.Gin! I won, Kelly!
Wild Weasel 	A wide swell.
Nintendorulez 	Zeroed lint nun.
Chronarion 	Iron Anchor.
Faster Pussy Cat Kill Kill	Skillfully castrates Kip.
Bad Strong Rad 	Standard Borg
Good Strong Rad 	Trogdor gonads
Slackerboy 	Backs Leroy.
Savethemooses 	He vetos Emo ass.
Imrealized 	I daze... Me? Lir?
Orion Blastar 	A brain also rots.
TheLedBalloon 	Noob dealt hell
Lo, no death bell
Belt ad? O' hell no!
Hello, bald tone!
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==Dow on Proctology==
Prostate examination 	No tramp sex tonite. AA!
So, Adam, a visit. Fingers in your anus	In Soviet Russia, anagram finds YOU!!
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==Dow on Himself==
Sir Alec Dow 	
Père Lachaise 	R.I.P. à la cheese
Anagrammatic Tourette's Syndrome	Automatic rearrangement stems, doy!
A STRANGE METEOR YOU STRICT MADMAN!!!
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==Dow on Oscar Wilde==
There is only one thing worse than being talked about and that is not being talked about.	Wilde died broken, beaten 'n' total nut. Hate being sunk in that rotten gaol. Shh, gay is taboo.
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==Dow on Places==
Satyricon 	Irony Acts
Oman 	Moan
North Korea	Hate kronor.
South Korea	O' A Stroke, uh!
America 	AA! CRIME!!
----
==Dow on TV==
The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon	Nothing's right with germy-ass J. Tom Fallon.
Thwart Jimmy Fallon, Higgins, 'n' The Roots.
==See also==
* Sir Alec Dow, Anagrammatist/Dow on America
* Sir Alec Dow, Anagrammatist/Dow on Britain
* Lose sea
* Scrabble
* Worst 100 Cryptic Crossword Clues of All Time
* Ananagram
==Notes==
1. Although the source phrase for this obvious anagram has never been confirmed, experts have suggested that since Dow clearly suffered from Anagrammatic Tourette's Syndrome, this phrase should probably be rearranged to, among others, "AW SHIT! FUCK A GAY EEL DILDO CUNT!!!" and "EAT SHIT, YOU FUCKING CLAWED LAD."
Note: Those are not good anagrams for "ATS"
2. Look, it's a free web site. You can't expect quality results every single time. Still, we try.
Category:Biographies of Ridiculous Persons
Category:British people
Category:Games
Category:People for whom Quotes are Made up
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