Government

WARNING: The word "government" is not to be confused with the identical Latin slang for persons or groups that one should not trust.
 
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A government is formed by a group of educated, skilled, Fun Loving efficient, responsible, hard-working, God -loving and respectable people who are elected and entrusted by their fellow citizens with the task of managing a nation. Each country has exactly one government. All governments are created equal. The government is a holy place where devoted politicians are willing to sacrifice their way of life for society and for the benefit of the public. This is the miracle of modern democracy. .
Basically great !
A.N Reader 
The government, often pronounced "gummint" or "gauvamint", is something that greatly aides society . When all else fails, blame the turn to the government. This can apply to many situations, such as: 
*"My car was stolen, Fred! Fucking government, should have security cameras in the car parks."
Or;
*"Fred, what the hell is wrong with the fucking government, everywhere we go it's like they're watching us. Do they really need to watch our cars standing completely still??"
Or simply;
*"Fucking government, Fred."
 
As you can no doubt see, Government is a very versatile word (see Fuck).
== In society ==
A government is a group of people that exist for the purposes of funding world projects . Government was invented by Ugg the caveman in 7331 BC when he hit his fellow cavemen Obb over the head with a club in return for a slab of meat from fellow caveman Jubb. Since then, more sophisticated forms of government have been developed, in which the person hit over the head with a club is often cannibalized by wild rodents , so as not to waste any usable parts. Government reached a high point in 1917, when Lenin invented toilet paper.
(The above statement has been proven to be false. Government was invented in a basement in Pittsburgh in 1948 by several deranged space heaters. Also, it was Trotsky who created toilet paper, but don't tell Stalin I said that ..... )
== Theory ==
Government was developed into an ideology in 1774, by an educated man, who knew everything and was better than other people. The basic principle is that a centralized, responsible, ruling body, provided with enough tax money from their people, will be able to fund advanced and forward-looking projects designed to usher in a new era of centralization and fair taxation for all. In return they get involved in: the poor, the healthcare system, charging you for it (ha ha, but not for British people), and depriving you of the drugs and sex that would normally render poverty and sickness bearable. 
Government is not all good, however; after a recent incident involving a former president, copious amounts of red tape were lost when they became attached to a sticky stain on an intern's dress. Subsequent bailouts for the red-tape and fabric industries were funded by emergency windfall-profit taxes on open-heart surgery and home ownership.
Sometimes words like "license" or "mandate" are mentioned in discussions about the government. This is mostly 
Contrary to sane people, supporters of government maintain that there are three kinds of people: Children, Adults, and Government Officials. Government Officials are superior .
Incidentally, the operation of the government is unlike the operation of gangs or The Mafia™. Nothing whatsoever. They are two completely different things. Totally.
Arguments Against Government: (edited by your friend Big Brother) 
There are none ! 
 reassignment centers? those don't exist, that sounds like some sort of conspiracy theory. Anyways aren't you hungry? Perhaps you should ingest some delicious McDonald's food product, perhaps a number 1 with cheese? Doesn't that sound delicious? Note: those who don't ingest McDonald's food product will eat at Denny's .
== Modern governments ==
Today, the civilization of man exists in a state , with portions of chaos centralized, authorized, hierarchalized, institutionalized, nationalized, popularized, and coordinated by and entrenched in various governments. The Sovereign Republic of Antarctica, for example, dominates much of South America, while the Islamic Hegemony of New Zealand dominates most of Eastern Asia, and the Guadeloupean Empire runs Europe and keeps Northern Africa in a state of perpetual terror. The Federated Provinces of Amerigo are jointly run by Canada and Mexico, and the southern half of Africa is owned by Bill Gates and his pet computer, Bob. The Government of Great Britain led by Gordon Brown, who sold his eye to Satan for the position, currently dedicate 98% of their resources to the destruction of the great British pub as a means to bring about the rapture.
== Alternative Theory of Governments == 
- There is no such thing as a government per-se. The "government" is the sum total of all those seemingly-helpful people out to make a buck and their minions, the lobbyists, in the legislature. There are two known factions of all governments:
*Security-selling government faction
*Security-buying government faction
*Government-buying security fraction
*Government-selling government fraction
 
It is said that a government/security force has collapsed when the government/security sells as much security/government as it buys from itself. 
*Supermanocracy
-A government in which Superman is declared dictator-for-life because everyone is too damn scared to tell him otherwise, for an example of this (with Mao instead of Superman) see China
==Creating Your Own==
Step 1: Publicly announce your intention to start your own government . 
 
 
Step 2: Go to jail. 
Step 3 : DON'T DO IT.
==The Inevitable Government==
Katamacracy is a revolutionary new government philosophy based upon the goals of Happiness. It was invented by Hippie Buddha on Hallucinogenic Drugs. Katamacratic philosophers believe that the people of all nations will know true Happiness when they become one with the Katamari. The motto "Happiness in a ball" rings through the ears of devoted Katamacrats. They seek to spread their message of Happiness throughout the cosmos. The theory has cohesion because it is impossible not to feel Happiness in your heart when engaged in the world of Katamari Damacy.
The structure of a functioning Katamacracy is as follows:
*The King: As the Supreme ruler of all the cosmos, the purpose of the King is to spread happiness, and provide direction for the Katamacracy. His word is Happiness.
*The Prince: The purpose of the Prince is to execute the orders of the King towards the goals of Happiness. He is to be the King's right-hand man, as the King's right hand is too busy holding a martini. The primary task of the Prince is to roll the Katamari and absorb more and more people, and thus create more and more Happiness.
*The Katamari: The Katamari contains all of the common folk of the Katamacracy in a ball of Happiness. They are the Katamari; the Katamari is them. All are one within the Katamari, and all are Happy.
Super Happy Fun Facts!:
*"Good Rolling" is the universal greeting and farewell of Katamacrats
*Oscar Wilde, Karl Marx, Pac-Man, Jesus, and The Rolling Stones are all famous Katamacrats
*You will be part of the Katamacracy someday; like it or not you'll be Happy.
*After the Katamacracy is realized, Emos will cease to exist.
==U.S Government Class==
U.S. Government is a class that students are required to take before graduating from school. It is known to be the actual #1 cause of human deaths per year, as well as the #1 cause of too many fucking diseases such as the Weegee virus, Pingas, and the Corrupted Blood plague. Because of the class, Kenny McCormick is dead! Oh my god! They killed Kenny! You bastards!
==Notable People in Modern Governments==
*Joseph Stalin, in disguise as "Barack Obama," President of the States that are United in America
*Batman, Dictator of Mozambique
*Kim-Jong-il, Queen of Britain
*Optimus Prime, Prime Minister of Australia
*Emperor Palpatine, Pope and President of Vatican City
==References==
Category:Things that may be out to get you 
 
Category:Things controlled by Jews
Category:World domination
Category:Serious Business
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cs:Vláda národní shody
da:Regering
de:Regierung
es:Gobierno
fi:Suomen Hallitus
fr:Gouvernement
he:ממשלה
hr:Vlada
it:Governo
ja:政府
lv:Valdība
pl:Rząd
pt:Governo
simple:Government
zh:政府