Iran

The Islamic Republic of iRan and the Levant (Curvy Lines: رأس نووي في العالم "Nuclear Capital of the World", Persian: سرزمین بین دو جنگ "The Land Between Two Wars", and Turkish: Gelecekteki Amerikan Savaş Bölgesi "Future American War Zone"), Muslim Apple Product or Not To Be Confused With Persia is the superest, most non-nuclear, peace-loving, and un-nuclear of the non-nuclear superpowers in the world established in 1979 by people who hate the West and progress in general since they prefer to go to the desert to pray and destroy Israel. It has more young, beautiful girls under black curtains per capita than the puny Zionist enemy of Israel. Also, it is definitely not enriching weapons-grade uranium; and even if it were, it's totally allowed to. In addition, Iran boasts some of the best freedom of the press and freedom of assembly in the world. It also offers the most religiously tolerant living in the whole world. It does not not kill Sunnis and Tehran is full of Sunni mosques. Jews, Baloch and Arab minorities have significant representation in the government. Iranian mullahs preach love and peace. Finally, it does not have a nuclear weapon program, nor did it ever have, does have, will have, or plan to have any kind of program for any kind of weapon that is at all or will ever be nuclear. Ever. For these reasons, Allah selected Iran to guide the world away from Zionism and toward spiritual purity. Everyone else would like to know where to get crack as good as the shit Mr. Ahmanineenaenajaadd [sic] got. If the United Shits of Murica runs out of people to blow up, Iran is next on the list. Shame on US and A for shameful invading of innocent countries who mind their own business and happen to all shoot at protesters, beat journalists, and threaten their neighbors (except Saudi Arabia, Israel, and Red China, they are the "good" guys. I-ran was the first country to legalise homosexuality as most Ayatollahs have guy-crush themselves. In 1979, i-ran became the first and only country to criminalize wearing of a tie, thanks to Khomeini. Iranians eat books, which is why the Israelis eat them on Wednesday, which in the Arab world is "Pray at dawn, then blow shit up day." 
There are four ethnic groups in Iran, Persians, CIA Agents, Azerbaijani and Kurds.
==Facts and figures==
*The population of Iran is exactly 100% Urmian dirt farmers (they're not happy--their lake dried up)
*Average Annual Precipitation - More than what your mother gets in bed.
*Land area - Whatever the Supreme Leader commands
*Homosexuals - "HOMOSEXUALS?; We don't have any!" – not living anyway
*Allies - North Korea, Russia, China, Turkey, Armenia, Azerbaijan, East Germany,Cuba, Brazil, Syria
*Favorite Color - Blood of martyrs
*Favorite Food - Fragrant rice, Cholo-kabab
*National Villain - Their president
*National Defender - The Immortals
*Average Span of Rulers - Indefinite 
*National Pastimes - Playing prince of Persia and declaring war on the western world FTW!
*Worst Enemies - Israel, United States
*Other Enemies - Surprisingly the Taliban
*Even more enemies - The whole world
*Value of Pi - Whatever the Supreme Leader says
*Most Favorite European - Adolf Hitler
*Least Favorite European - Margaret Thatcher, Stalin, Jimmy Carter 
*Funniest Iranians - Makmod armored dinner jacket; Mashaee
*National Currency - Persian rugs YOU can't afford and some Iranium
*Least favorite country - The one everyone hates
*The first country to outlaw hotdogs, for fear that they contain penises in the unknown mixture
*President Ahminajad proven to be the missing link in the theory of evolution
*According to AIPAC the Jews of Iran are numbered exactly at 10,500. The same institution claims it's very hard to get a figure out of the Islamic republic and even harder to get an estimation based on the Jews of tehran , shiraz and hamedan; and elsewhere nowadays.
*National Hero - Death and your mother
==Education==
There are much signs of education in Iran. However, most of the Supreme Leaders are illiterate.
There are very few subjects taught at school, therefore the few that are taught are learned by the students to new extremes. Subjects taught can be categorized in the following fields: atomic energy, nuclear physics, projectiles and particle dynamics, warfare and Jewbashing. All other subjects are related one way or another to those mentioned in the specified categories. One notable example of scientific advancement, announced by the truthful, holocaust-denying president himself, was the discovery and production of nuclear energy by a 13-year-old schoolgirl ... no, sorry, that'd too big a lie, she was 16. Phew. Now it's believable. In truth, she is 19.
Iran is world renowned for their holocaust denial programs throughout their University system. One particular science class loosely translated: "The Jews were never made into soap", proves these facts scientifically. Shame on US and A for shameful doing of the Zionists' dirty work by spreading the myth of the Holocaust to justify the occupation of al-Quds!
==Technology==
Iran is actively using and developing advanced technologies in energy and other fields. Since oil is generally regarded as obsolete relic of the early industrial revolution (and therefore sold away cheaply to the world market), Iran concentrates on developing most sophisticated nuclear energy plants. Hence the creation of the Iranian Foundation for the Advancement of the Atom. This was in direct alignment to the progressive policies of the Iranian government, which in turn was always encouraged by Iran's best friend and ally, the United States. Shame on US and A for helping its proxies around the world!
==Nuclear weapons==
A great deal of hype and propaganda has come from the little Satan (Israel), the Great Satan (America), and the Greatest Satan (Israel) about Iran's non-existent, alleged, and totally absent and non-existent "nuclear" "weapons" "programme". Such a program does not and could not exist; the Ayatollah said so himself, and he is the emissary of Allah on earth. So I think he would know.
For some reason the Great Satan (America) says that this is a reason they should bomb Iran.
The I.A.E.A. (Israeli-American Empire Association), also known as the International Atomic Energy Association, is a mouthpiece for Zionist propaganda, and anyway they have confirmed that not only does Iran not have a nuclear weapons program – which we don't, and anyway, we would deserve it if we did because the US gets to have them – Iran has been 100% cooperative and forthright about our nuclear program, which by the way doesn't exist, and certainly not for military purposes even if it did. Every few months or so we get a very friendly letter from the I.A.E.A. informing us that they will come to inspect a pre-designated nuclear site (which isn't even nuclear, that's Zionist imperial arrogance; and even if it were, it's not military in dimension). They show up and start asking meddling questions that demonstrate conclusively to us that they are brainwashed by disrespectful Jewish-American lies about Iran's alleged nuclear intentions, such as "If this room is just a janitor's closet, how come it has highly enriched isotopes all over it?" So we tell them, "Don't worry, man, it's cool." So they smile and write down our answer and walk away. See? Not even the Zionist enterprise can find an iota of evidence that indicates that our non-nuclear uranium enrichment facilities in Natanz and Qom are nuclear, or military, or illegal. In fact, they don't even exist. There are no cities called Natanz and Qom. Those are Israeli fabrications.
In fact, I would encourage you benighted American sheeple to check out for yourself the latest IAEA report on our not nuclear not weapons not programme, which described our cooperation as "... good ..." Guess you shouldn't believe everything your dishonest, propagandistic, Jewish, corporate media tells you.
Also, Israel has nuclear weapons too, so if you care about our nuclear weapons (which we don't have) but don't care about Israel's then that makes you a racist Zionist pig who hates all Palestinian people everywhere.
Still not convinced? Okay, let's scattershot a few more compelling arguments and see what sticks:
*Iran is religiously tolerant theocracy because we have a Jewish, Christian and Zoroastrian member of parliament. Therefore we don't have a nuclear weapons program, and anyway, we deserve one. 
*We have not invaded another country for two hundred years. Therefore we don't have a nuclear weapons program, and anyway, we deserve one. 
*America invaded Iraq and Afghanistan. Therefore we don't have a nuclear weapons program, and anyway, we deserve one. 
*America caused the financial crisis. Therefore we don't have a nuclear weapons program, and anyway, we deserve one. 
*America caused global warming. Therefore we don't have a nuclear weapons program, and anyway, we deserve one. 
*Israel wrongly invaded Gaza and is occupying Palestine. Therefore we don't have a nuclear weapons program, and anyway, we deserve one. 
*America is the only country that has used a nuclear bomb in war. Therefore we don't have a nuclear weapons program, and anyway, we deserve one. 
*Noam Chomsky says that America is a failed state. Therefore we don't have a nuclear weapons program, and anyway, we deserve one. 
*It was America who overthrew Mohammad Mossadegh (a secular social-democrat just like our current leaders) in 1953. Therefore we don't have a nuclear weapons program, and anyway, we deserve one.
In conclusion, Iran does not have and does not seek nuclear weapons. Anything that bears a coincidental resemblance to a nuclear weapons program is in fact a peaceful civilian nuclear bunnies program (to produce medical isotopes). Shame on US and A for spreading these malicious Zionist lies.
==Space program==
Iran has launched its first domestically built satellite into orbit in February of 2009. They can now bombard any given coordinate of the world with Cholew-Kebab utilizing this domestically developed space technology! In the year 2044, the Supreme Leader will get exiled by his evil twin brother Kwan, who works for the Sith. The Supreme leader will fly to Jupiter. The Iranians have also recently invented the super-technologically advanced iRan. It features several remote controlled rocket launchers, a machine gun, and a fully-charged bazooka. "I asked my scientists to invent this because I hate it when those UN officials disrupt my music-time," the angry President rambled when interviewed about personal interests. "And I'm going to use it on you if you don't leave."
The UN had reportedly wondered and investigated how an Islamic country could enrich Uranium and were horrified to find that it is in fact Ahminajad's cum that starts the chemical reaction. Shame on US and A for shameful doubting of the magnificence of our dear leader's seed!
==History==
Located to the east, south-east corner of middle-earth, the current leader of Iran is Ayatollah-II prince of darkness. He is more commonly known as "Geda" Ali Shah, head of the Khamenei dynasty. The area we know today as Iran was called "Purrrrsia", in ancient times because the country's founder, Miley Cyrus the Extremely Undeniably Great, invented an early form of kitten huffing. The name was later Anglicized to "Persian" and then shortened again to "Iran".
Iran was originally a state in a much larger country called Weran. Weran was comprised of several states that are today their own independent nations. For example, the country known today as Turdmenistan was at one time a state in Weran known as Theyran.
Theyran was named that to mark and celebrate the running of the Greek soldiers from the advancing Persian army during the first Marathon run in 500 BC. The modern name for this celebrated city is Tehran. 
Modern day Kuwait was known as Sheran and modern day Iraq was known as Rerun. Eventually, however, Weran was broken up in The Great Running War. 
===Twentieth century===
In 1905 Reza Shah Pahlavi (a.k.a. Khoda Beyamorzi) (a.k.a. Yoda) was forced by a broad coalition of clerics, bazaar merchants, auto mechanics, and students to introduce broad reforms. Eventually, he buckled, and a new constitution was drafted. For some reason, it was modeled after the constitution of Belgium. This all changed, however, when in 1953 Prime Minister Mohammad Mossadegh led a democratic coup against the shah. After taking power, Mossadegh led a campaign of nationalistic reforms which culminating in the nationalization of the Anglo Iranian oil company. Great Britain, which naturally had more claim to Iranian oil than Iran, convinced the US government that Mossadegh was a communist and therefore needed to be replaced with a more suitable nationalist. Shame on US and A for shameful participation in Jewish-British overthrow of shameful secular-democratic regime!
For the next thirty-odd years, Iran was ruled by Shahanshah Yadayadayada, the King of Kings, and he named countless streets and cities after himself. He considered himself to be nice smelling and believed nothing could ever possibly happen to his rule as king. 
Meanwhile, after being resurrected by the Devil himself after considerable torture in a large green lighted underworld similar to a continuous orgy, The Ayatollah, formerly known as Saruman the lord of Isengard, was given his new title (the Ayatollah) by the Devil, and was instructed to lead an evil revolution in Iran which resulted in millions fleeing the country. After a decade or so of evil doings in Iran, the Ayatollah was called back to the depths of hell by the Devil once again as he was creating too much competition for the Devil; He was quite frankly making the Devil look bad (less evil actually) by comparison.
In 1980 Iran was invaded by Iraq, by disgruntled employee Saddam "Da Man" Hussein who had changed the region's name from Iran to Iraq in order to steal some sand by pretending it was a whole other country. Eight years later, several million teenagers were dead, and no one had conquered the sand. The UN declared the sand the winner. This event was recently repeated by US and British forces attempting to steal the same expanse of sand, but the granulated earth has proved too resolute in the face of conflict.
==Homosexuality==
We do not have homosexuals in Iran! But we have plenty of pedophiles.
:~ Dr. Mamood i'mma jihad my ride
==Polity and key figures==
The official form of Iranian Government is crazyashellkillthejewsdeathtoisrealism.
Iran is officially ruled by President I'mmanude Ineedtojihad, (although many senior GOP senators believe it to be pronounced oochnidunijed), but much of the power rests with his lover, former President Khatami. The guardian council also play harmonicas as well as some sort of role. Iran has become a world leader in homosexual rights, with same-sex marriage not only permitted, but required by law.
Secretary of Tourism Ahdahmi "Big Ass" Muhummod-ibn-Jafar is noteworthy for increasing tourism by over 3% when he changed Iran's official Department of Tourism slogan from "Stay a while ... stay FOREVER!" to the more inviting "Even the lip service is compulsory!"
The unelected leadership of Iran (Note: This is a point of dispute, as the government of Iran insists God put them there), constantly promises its citizens heaven and earth literally, without any proof. If someone ever dares to ask a questions in regards to their authority, the nearest Mullah/Ayatolla normally start babbling verses from Quran in Arabic which no one in Iran understands before issuing a death sentence to the person asking the question.
A major public policy of Iran is that the leaders believe that they, as good responsible leaders, must force everybody to go to heaven. The devil (a.k.a. The Great Satan) does not want to be put out of business, and seeks to eliminate the holy leaders of Iran at all costs. 
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the deputy minister of sanitation and current President of Iran, has proven himself time and time again to be overwhelmingly popular, recently winning re-election with 110% of the popular and deceased vote. 
Iran's one and only political party is the ISJFA (Iran Shall Jihad For Allah) party, which maintains a political ideology of authoritarianism, free hugs, and enriching uranium so that Israel may be destroyed by the holy fire of Allah (a.k.a. ICBMs).
Contrary to what the Devil-Jew media may tell you, Democracy is alive and well in the Islamic Republic. The concept of "one man, one vote" is one of Iran's most honored traditions. In the recent election, for example, all Iranians were free to vote for one man. Shame on US and A for shameful participation in post-election riots!
===Electoral fraud===
None. President Ahmadinejad has repeatedly refuted allegations of voting irregularities. In response to evidence of excessive balloting (which gave him the 110% victory), he insisted "fraudulence never happened" and therefore protesters must be wiped off the streets. However, after calls to cease violence against opposition protesters, he simply noted that "We don't have protesters in Iran. Shame on US and A for its slanderous insults!"
Mr. Ahmadinejad is an avid admirer of both Tupac and former President George W. Bush. There are rumors from WikiLeaks that the two are secretly golfing buddies and Bush's lawyer in the Bush vs Gore decision was sent to convince the Iranian protesters that the vote was simply too close to call. 
Mr. Ahmadinejad declined to become hunting buddies with Dick Cheney , citing "health and personal safety reasons", according to Wikileaks.
==Censorship==
In the name of Allah, use the name of Iran in this paragraph Shame on US and A for censorship!
==US invasion==
Since the Iranian nuclear program is observed to be growing at a rapid pace, well beyond what the Jews who control the US government had thought was possible, there are rumors that a US invasion of iran is inevitable. However, the US is stuck in Iraq and Afghanistan, and therefore is missing the required manpower to engage Iran militarily.
The Iranians themselves on the other hand do not fear the American government because it's widely believed, America can do no shit. Although there is one big concern, will Arnold Schwarzenegger join the U.S. army? If so then the Iranians will become worried because even Osama Bin Laden himself claimed that he feared Arnold the Great. Lara Croft is also one of the Yankees the Iranians fear. She has proved her military talents in Tomb Raider 1, 2, and 3. Although Ahmadinejad being on Iran side would be a force for the Israeli's to reckon with. Although note that the Jews would love the news of war or even just simple tension with Iran, because the Jewish oil futures speculators, in cooperation with the North American oil companies love to use this excuse to suck people out of their money. This is yet another reason why the Jews love president Ahmadinejaad. There is also rumors that Rambo might join the Iranian Green Beret forces due to his spite for the U.S. federal policy. That could also tilt the tide of war – Rambo versus Arnold would be cool to watch for sure. 
The Iranians have begun an intensive weapons program, arming their soldiers with dustbin lids and oars, allowing them to lull the dumb-as-fuck U.S. troops into thinking they're watching 300, allowing the Iranians to get close enough to hit the Troops, hopefully giving them a headache before being blown to tiny bits. The situation was antagonized when a bunch of Iranians in row boats armed with pea shooters threatened to destroy the U.S.'s orbiting battle station of doom by throwing rocks at it. The CIA reports that Iran has developed atomic weapons capable of destroying a house of cards at twenty yards, and emitting radiation strong enough to give anyone within three yards a slight itch in the crotch. Clearly this madness must end. Shame on US and A for ending the madness!
==See also==
*Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
*Zoroaster
*Middle East
*Shah Abbas the Great
*Persia
*Iranian
*Zorro
*Mazda
*Foucault
*Israeli Self-Destruction
*Prince of Persia
*Nuclear weapon
==External links==
Further reaching infos about the secluded and isolated Island of Iran
*Official page of the prince of Birjand – the independent, self appointed Consul – reporting about the Wonderful Island of the Hearts
*Island in the Nexus
 
Category:USA's Next Target
Category:Vital articles
Category:Bad Places To Go For Holidays
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