I am prepared to use force!

You would do well to take heed of my warning, good sir, for if you fail to do so there shall be dire consequences. I feel it only fair to make this proclamation very audible to you: I am prepared to use force. This debate, of sorts, has extended itself to the brink of surrealism and to continue with it would be an awful waste of a limited resource I hold very dear to my heart: My time. Clearly your time seems to be inconsequential to you, as you are wasting it sharing pointless and obtuse rebuttals. So, since my mastery of the lexicon we share failed to make an impression with you, the time is drawing near for me to make my point clear with another, altogether different tool: A swift clout. 
===What does that have to do with anything?===
Hmm, that’s a very interesting point you make, sir, but I fear ignoratio elenchi will not help you. What my paternal relations are are inconsequential to your original argument, however unlikely it is that my mother is of the Canis lupus familiaris species. Your hasty, rash and illogical statement only further hampers you in your quest to secure a minuscule amount of credibility. I fear that might not be what you pursue at all, however. It might well be that you are soliciting a physical reaction from me. You need not worry yourself, sir; you will soon experience the vehemence of my wrath.
I would like to take this opportunity to state that I do not usually allow myself to “develop” into such a primitive state, but I believe I can afford to make an exception, just this once. Before I do so, however, I would like to graciously present you with an opportunity: Renounce. Your arguments were dissected and ridiculed. Your statements were proven false and misleading. You surely must have started doubting your commitment to your views on the subject at hand by now.
===How's that?===
That would clearly not make sense, sir. If that was the case, how would I be able to vocalize my thoughts? How would I even be able to think? How would I even be able to be here, when I am clearly not attached to a female? I grow tired of your bizarre declarations. It is as if they are constructed by a man wildly flailing his words in the hope of them coincidently becoming coherent. The time has come for me to end this unnerving ordeal. I shall strike you down. Prepare to be struck!
===POW!===
are you fucking happy you basterd? now what do you say? what do you say!? say it or your jaw will have another meeting with the fist twins! oh not biting eh? You’ll fucking wish you did you cunt. Right, here we go again. hurts, doesn’t it. yeah it does. hrts like your mother did after she met me. That’s right, I fucking punched her as well. she came up to me like the slut she is, and I took it like an insult. Would you look at the time, it’s punch-o-clock again!!! mr left fist, mr right fist, mr left fist, mr right fist, mr righ – hey, you wait your tirn now mr right fist, it’s mr left fist’s turn. how about it? stil not reddy. just say it! just say it! it’s ten simple words, you twat: “the lakers suck just as much as string theory”
===Right...===
That was unfortunate and I do apologize. I do hope, though, that you do not only take my actions to heart, but my words as well. This was entertaining and stimulating, do you not agree? Oh, don’t worry about that, sir; I’ll take care of any financial implications the ailments my force has caused you may have. You only need to forward me the financial statements. I’ll be sure to look for you next time I’m at NASCAR again.
Category:Articles written in the first person