nyuuzyou/wikis huggingface dataset:
Oh crap, I'm pregnant

It's been 9 months since I told my long standing husband, Satan that I was pregnant – and since then, our relationship has deteriorated with every passing day. If I'm honest, I understand why he hated me. If your husband was pregnant with Nicolas Cage's child, you'd be pretty damn pissed too. Of course, the first thing that he asked when I broke the news was "Holy fuck, Jesus! But you're a guy?" It took me a while for me to explain to him that in actual fact, I have both genitals. But that was in the past.
So here we are today - In a hospital, waiting for me to give birth. Satan allowed Nic to watch on the grounds that he was allowed to sleep with Miranda Cosgrove. It took me a while to agree, but in the end – that bitch is a ugly mother fucker and he isn't really going to enjoy it. I consider it personal revenge for his endless hate towards me these past few months.
I guess you're wondering why he's even here. Well, in truth, I don't know. Part of me feels that he is going to kidnap the child, and if I'm honest, I hope he does. The little bastard has already destroyed my life, and it isn't even out my womb yet.
Satan and I are still together – god knows why. I guess we both enjoy the sex.
The hospital is a horrible place; full of death, sickness and hot nurses with massive tits. I'm praying to my father that the doctor delivering my child will be a Jensen Ackles look alike, or at least a man. I'm not having a woman touching me down there thanks.
"Fuck you, Dad." I say under my breath as the doctor walks in. She wears an awkward smile that makes me throw up down the front of my hospital gown. Her eyebrows are worse then an infinite rainbow of crocs, streaming through a twilight convention.
"Hello. My name is Miranda. I believe we've been acquainted before." She says throwing a seductive glance at my husband but quickly returns her attention back to me. "I'm going to pull that cunt out of you today." She signals to the large bump in my stomach.
"Just hurry up with it please." I groan, reaching for Nick's hand. He takes it and rubs his own along my sweaty palms.
"If you wish." Miranda reaches under the bed and pulls out the scariest thing I have ever laid my eyes on. It glistens like a crystal expanse of ocean. I can still see the faint, red trace of its previous victims and feel myself shudder in fear.
She is wielding one of the biggest knives I have ever seen.
I recoil as she brings it close my stomach. My grip on Nic's hand tightens as it tickles my skin. Sweat beads trickle down my face like rain droplets racing down a window pane. "Oh god." I close my eyes, praying for this nightmare to be over.
"OH MY FUCKING GOD. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING?" I hear Satan shout. I open my eyes and stare at the bloody life form being pulled out my stomach. At first glance it looks like a blue furball, and as I stare longer I notice that it is alive.
I've given birth to Sonic the Hedgehog.
Category:Bad Fanfiction
Category:WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT
Category:Demins and Debbils
Category:WHAT A TWIST!
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Oh hecc oh fricc

So here I was, just minding my own business eating pepper jack cheez its (those are fuckin amazing) in the bathtub like any sane person would do on a Wednesday night after a stressful day at work shucking corn.
I was listening to some ocean whitefish tuna swimming in mp3 form when suddenly I choked on a cracker and almost died. I couldn't believe my beady little eyes. Materialized right in front of me was Sam Loomis himself! (He's the dude in Bates Motel! I think he's also the boyfriend in Psycho. And the doctor in Halloween but this was actually the Bates Motel guy. Speaking of Loomis, that reminds me of the word Loom. As in Fruit of the Loom. Which totally had a cornucopia in the logo, right? My idiot coworker doesn't even know what a cornucopia is. I hate him and his stupid face.)
Anyway. Sam Loomis was sitting there right in my bathtub. Thankfully he was wearing clothes but since this is r/nosleep it has to be creepy. So he did have his stab wounds. TWENTY EIGHT STAB WOUNDS. "Dude, how did you get into my bathtub?" I asked him. He was busy head-banging at nothing. I tossed a cracker at him and it bonked onto his forehead and gracelessly dropped into the water, sinking as it got soggy. I raided Walmart's stock of these babies, and I just wasted one precious cracker-nugget on this loser.
"Hello?" I asked Mr. Loomis, waving my hands in front of his face. "Why are you here?"
Then I realized. He was a ghost. And even worse? He had airpods in. So he couldn't hear me. Sam Loomis watch out, you're in a stranger's bathtub. You're dead. He can't hear me. Oh godzilla oh fuck he's got airpods in.
...
He can't hear me.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Ghoooosts
Category:Well, that was anticlimactic.
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep
Category:Shortpasta
Oh meh god!It sanic.jpeg!1!1!1

So,di am da big est sonic fane.One tim,i was at de comic stor and i walk up to man at desc.I ask fore new soni gam,which was son ic manias at di tim.He wen pale ant wen over to back and grab a usb driv.He told me to took it so i took it and left.I went to house and sat at de computer.I look at da driv and said to mysel "Ima put driv in."I said to meself.I slap driv in com and opend files.den,my computar started to flesh and scream.It gas berry spoppy.I cried.All da tears mad my room fuul of salty wa wa.I drank up da salty wa wa and Turned com back in.What happend made me drow up.A scary gimage mof da meme character sanic da hedge apered on de scren with hypor realistick eyes.He looke at me and saidn h e will kill my soul.I screamed.He opend a rom bof son ick 2:electrick balogolou.But it was not caled son ick 2:electrick balogolou.It was called Sanic.jpeg 2:Quandale dinge retun.I poo pooed myself butt kep playg.I started playong as tlls,da meme talls.I wan awound and saw sanic,stonding and smecking weed.He turned awound and jumscawed me witd gis hypor realistick eyes.He said dat he wanted to pley hangy birds spoce wid meh.But me said neh.He fwoned and said dat we would pley any wey.Hangly bebs started and i was spuper sced.I killed ball da pigs and sanic smilled.He dead dat Well would gah beck too de game.We went teh de game and I wes tlls agen.I wan ayound and gut onion rangs.Every tim i grbed a rang,shreck aske whet My wag doin in his swamp.It was sclarry.My mem wag stell at wark so oh neh.Anywey,sanic find me and licked tlls to deth.He ate bis body and said he liked tll.I tred to tarn da gem off butt it woulg net worjk.He den killed de oders,but i don;t went too bore yee.At da end.Sanic wag talkimg abot deth and stuff and jumpscared meh.I thriw up on meh screen.I cried for meh dad,but ge was stil geding da malk.I grebed me competr and threw it out die wandow.It brike.I skilded oger to de broke computar and ate da usb driv.I went to de comic store to eat da clark too,but he was alrody ded!!! dun dun dun.Yeb,dat was da twist dingy.Anywo,I was loking at da scene of de crim,and heard da door clos.I loked behend meh and saw a blody sanic plush wid a giand chensaw.He laghed and i died.De end
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Sonic
Category:Wall of Text
Category:SUPR SKAREY IMAG
Category:Crappy ms paint drawings
Category:ENGLISH, MUDDAFUGGA! DO YOU SPEAK IT?!
Oh no! Midnight!

Once, a guy called DreamXlethSpartaX37 made a Sparta Remix called "Spongebob: OH NO, MIDNIGHT! - Sparta Cyber Remix" it was a Sparta i never wish to have watch it, before he publish it, he send to me an preview, it is the part you see here, but when he published, when i opened the link, the lights on my house started to power off and power on very fast, i start to trembling, the temperature of my PC gots to 100 C (Something never happened before) and when the part after the preview i seen came... SOMETHING HORRYFYING HAPPENED!!!
He changed the source to BFDI!!!!!!!!1
It was horrible, was gross and terrible at same time, i got a trauma, i forget how to make YTPMV's i wasn't be able to make visuals until 3 months ago, it was the most horrible experience i had on my life, i wish nobody to have this destiny i had, please, get away from BFDI, it will ruin your life, the worst part, the next day my ex-friend DreamXlethSpartaX37 send to me a link of a BFDI episode, then i blocked him and i never want to talk with him again, never, never, my life is not the same like in 2013, it was normal, cool, epic, i had an epic work, i had my girlfriend, an new car a very cool life, but after that BFDI experience, everything gots ruined, my life is a trash now, i live in a box in the street, using my laptop and my headphones made by boxes and my box internet connection, everything thanks to BFDI, please, got away from BFDI and any show object and block everybody who likes it, please!!! stop this disease, the problem are not the illuminatis or that conspirations, BFDI IS THE PROBLEM!!!
Actually the Sparta is unlisted, only a few persons knows the link, unfortunally that persons died after the BFDI part, i'm the only who survived to that because my headphones only the left-side works, but i'm now tone-deaf of my left ear thanks to Battle For Dream Island, if you get noticed, my grammar sucks, but is because BFDI, before i had an perfect english grammar, now not, i have to medicate because everynight i got headaches on the left side of my head, thanks to BFDI.﻿
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:COMPUTERS AND INTERWEBZ
Category:Well, that was pointless.
Oh the Memories

__NOTOC__==== Jan 25, 2000 ====
I'm in love! Her name is Kylie and she's beautiful. Dark brown hair, green eyes, a nice athletic build and a smile that could warm your soul. I would do anything for her. Hell, I would kill for her if she asked me too. It was Kylie that figured out what was wrong with me. You see, I've always had fantasies about cutting people open. I think of the feel of their warm blood between my fingers as I pulled out their insides. This thought always excites me. I don't do anything about it. I mean I have never killed anyone because of these thoughts. Hell I'm just a kid with a sick way of getting off. That's not a big deal. Happens all the time. I love her and would never do anything like that to her. As long as Kylie is mine, I could keep my fantasies in check.
==== Jan 27, 2000 ====
Kylie and I made love for the first time today. The whole time I couldn't stop thinking about ripping her open! What the hell is wrong with me!?!?! Here I am naked with this beautiful girl and all I can think of is how much I want my hand on her heart when it stops. It makes me sick to think of! Sick, angry, and...incredibly excited. What the fuck is wrong with me?
==== Jan 30, 2000 ====
She asked me about my fantasies today. We were talking about the other day and how "into it" I got about midway through. I didn't want to tell her. I couldn't tell her. I just said it was a bondage/domination thing. How could I tell her I wanted her blood all over my body? I love her, I can't kill her. I have to prevent myself from thinking about this any more!
==== Feb 9, 2000 ====
She's gone. She left me. She said that I don't really love her. That it's impossible for me to feel anything. She said normal human emotions won't register with me because I'm psychopathic! Can you believe that? I love her and she say's I'm psycho! I'm so upset I can barely type this. I have to get her back. I just have to...NO MATTER WHAT.
==== Feb 14, 2000 ====
She came back to me! I knew she would. It's Valentine's Day after all. The day when love conquers all. I have to keep this short. She's upstairs waiting...tied to my bed. She said she wants to make all my fantasies come true. Well OK, maybe she didn't say it with her mouth (the gag prevents that), but her eyes say it all. Her perfect green eyes...
==== Jan 25, 2010 ====
Has it already been ten years since I got rid of Kylie? Wow, first love was so long ago. She opened up so many new doors for me! Oh the memories...It's funny, I commemorate my first love and expression of my deepest desire every year. Ten Valentine's Days spent the same way. Ten women playing the part of my beloved Kylie. Ten funerals to mourn the loss of first love. But it is all worth it. Worth having the connection to my Kylie again.
==== Feb 14, 2010 ====
Her name was Amber and she was beautiful. Brown hair, athletic build, and her eyes...perfect green eyes.
Category:Deletion Log Refugees
Category:Bad Creepypasta
Category:Jornel
Category:Pointless Violence
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Old Shit
Oh the horror...

Well, this is quite horrifying. A plague has escaped, and I have been infected. That stupid fuck Obama didn't warn me. But I must warn my father now.
As I make my journey toward him, I think of warning other people. But I would rather tell my father first.
Behind me, I see the beast coming. I must run! I dashed to my father's house's front door, and I swiftly open the door. Bolting through the halls, I look for my father. The beast is almost to me. I must warn him quickly! 
As I catch the sight of my father, the beast grabs me. I force myself to yell to my father about the plague, but the beast forces me to say something else. A look of shock dawns on my fathers face as the words flutter away from my lips, and enters my father's ear. A demon won't be able to think up a worse punishment than what my father will give me now. 
But do you want to know what I said? It was so horrifying, so unreal that you will never want to know. But I digress, you probably want to know. I said the scariest words ever. Never read these words again. 
"I'M GAY!"
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Beings
Category:WHAT A TWIST!
Category:Shortpasta
Ohio is the best state

Ohio is the best state. It is literally the best state in the whole of the United States of America, and anyone who says different is wrong. It's the richest state, it's the largest state by area, and it is literally the best state in the whole of America. He got everything. Name one state that is better than Ohio. Some people say New York, Washington DC, just cause the president is there. Honestly, i think everyone could agree that the capital of the United States should be Cincinnati, Ohio. It is literally the best state. Like, there's no state better than Ohio. Like, honestly it doesn't make sense. It has best weather, it has the nicest people, and it is the most peaceful state out of all. It's got the lowest crime rates. Ohio, it is literally the best. It's got the lowest population density, so it's not too populated or crowded. It's an amazing state and it's honestly the best, and anyone who says different is literally lying. They're literally lying.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Copypasta
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Shortpasta
Old Cassette No. 596

DO NOT READ THE END WTHOUT READING THE ENTIRE RITUAL. I WARNED YOU.
We know cassettes are some of the "vintage" things that we do not want to have. But what if it hold s your life? Will you have it?
In this ritual you will need a empty cassette (The casstette should be completely empty inside.) And a cassette player. Leave them OUTSIDE your house. Now head to a CD store and whisper to the cashier "Code No. 596" and she/he should give you another cassette. Its titled "5". Now you need to find "9".
Go to a nearest 7/11 and whisper to the cashier "965". Remember its "965". If you said that incorrectly she/he will turn into her monstrous form and he/she will crush your bones immediately. When you said that code, he/she will give you another cassette entitled "9". Now you ask why there's no "6"?
Now go home and play the "5" cassette first. It will sound like a static and when it is finished, insert the empty tape. The empty tape will finish immidately. Then immediately play "9". There will be a voice.
"Hey you!" then it will immediately finished. Now you noticed that the cassette player was NOT plugged in? Now this is the real time. Now plug the cassette player and say out loud "596, 596, TELL ME MY FUTURE, O 596." Then the three cassettes will dissapear leaving a cassette entitled "596". This is it. Play it using the cassette player and a voice will be heard.
"You wanna tell me your future?" Decide carefully. If you say "No" The cassette player will stop and say "Okay. Now throw this away and burn it!" BUT DO NOT TO THAT. Keep it in a safe place that no one else can find it, or you can bury it. Because once a person played that cassette your soul will be in the hands of satan. So cafefully choose now.
If you chose "Yes" It will tell a one hour and two minutes about your future. The cassette player will stop and will blast in your face. Boom. You are dead.
Thought that anything good would happen? NO.
Category:Deletion Log Refugees
Category:Trollpasta
Category:COMPUTERS AND INTERWEBZ
Category:Rituwel
Category:TELAVISHUN
Category:English Class Failure
Category:Demins and Debbils
Category:Old Shit
Old Man

It was a dreary morning, windy and rainy. I walked into an alley for no discernible reason and The Old Man that I feared was there, having sex with a cardboard box, on which he had magic markered some tits.
"It's raining, it's pouring, The Old Man is scoring!" he screamed, directly into my face.
As the shit erupted from my ass, it blasted out of every seam of my pants until both me and my pants died.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Potty Humor
Category:Im died
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep
Category:Shortpasta
Old News

"It's the apocalypse, Pete!" yelled Jacob as an explosion lit the skies. Downtown, which was close to Jacob, was suddenly and violently filled with screams and bright explosions.
Already having flashbacks to World War II, Jacob began to panic even more when he saw people shambling about, going to and from the location of the explosions.
Pete, his loyal old dog, growled feebly at the people passing by. They appeared to be walking corpses, and this became clear to Jacob after another bright explosion lit the area enough for his old eyes to see clear enough.
Jacob turned for his door and yanked Pete's collar. The old hound went tumbling in with Jacob as he slammed the door shut and went about setting the various locks in his house.
After securely locking down his house and setting in place his window bars, he got up the nerve to take a peek outside. Out there, the sky flashed with explosions that rocked his house.
Suddenly, a face popped up right in front of him. Startled, he fell backwards and onto his coffee table.
"I know you're in there old man," the person outside groaned. From the lighting inside his house, he could see the burn marks and missing flesh on the person's face.
Shouting wildly he hit the lights and ran to his bedroom, which was upstairs. Pete was right behind him.
The man outside banged on his door. "Come out and join the party!" he groaned in a dead voice. After a few breathless minutes, the banging stopped and Jacob figured the man would bring a whole horde of his undead friends back to get him.
He reached into his dresser drawer and moved away his socks, retrieving a pistol.
"They've been saying the zombie apocalypse was coming, ol' Pete. I read it on them sites. Now it's true. I'm sorry old boy," he said, aiming the gun at his lifelong companion, curled up on a pile of that week's newspapers.
The dog died with only a quiet whimper. Next, Jacob turned the gun on himself.
"I planned for this day so carefully, but now they know I'm in here. Damn it, Sally, I'm coming to see you," he said as he pulled the trigger.
That was not his last thought, however.
The very last thing that went through his mind in the last few moments while he was still alive and breathing was a headline on one of the newspapers under Pete.
"Zombie Costume Party Downtown Halloween Night."
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:WHAT A TWIST!
Category:SUPR SKAREY IMAG
Category:DIALOGUE!
Category:Old Shit
Old man from hell

so like every1 else i too was excited for pokmon x and y but since i was broke i couldnot buy them
so instand i went two a yard sale my frind told me aboat 5 years ago there was an old man waiting there with a box and as i abbroached him he jumped 20 feet in the hair and did a 359 degre backflip end gave me sumting from the box!! it was a nantedo 64 cartrideg! there was no picture on the fornt but there something written inside the cartrideg! IT WAS SUPERMAN 666 4!!!
I THOUGHT THIS OLD MAN WAS DRUNK AND HIGH AND METALLY UNSTABBLE OR SOMTING!! so i ran away with the cartrideg in hand. when i got back i was curious as what this seamingly bootlag game was like
i played superman 6 4 before but this once seemed even worse! so i brouht out my old n 64 and booted the game up but then it i heard a voice say "POMF" and then the tv started bleeding hyper realistic blood and suddenly a scary sanic doll appeered behind me! I ran to the bathroom and yelled for my sister! 'BLOOD! MAReY! MARYY BLOODY HELL ARE YOU! BLOODY BMARY!" then all of a sadden a hot girl came out from the mrror and was coming for me so i quickly ran out the door and saw the old mang from before sitting on the couch
he looked at me
and sad: you forgot to pay
Category:Deletion Log Refugees
Category:Vidya games
Category:Hyper-realistic
Category:English Class Failure
Category:Stupid is as the main character does
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Shortpasta
Old womin spider

once was man name john. john was very good man and was nise to peeple. john work at mcdonald and make lots of mony.
one day john got much mony and went to stor to buy hd tv for house. he got tv but when went to buy tv old womin go in front of him and say. "you ar bad persin. you spend much mony on tv and dont care for other peeple. now you will pay goodby"
and so old womin becoms blak mist and is gone. john shrug and say "that was od. better go home now" so john goes home but when he go home he see blood on wall and it say 'you will pay. you wil pay' and then it is gone and john is a litle scare. "wow that was weerd. must be see things time for slep" and john goes slep and has bad dream. in bad dream old womin is back and say "you will pay. you will pay" and john screem and start runing away but old womin is fast and catch him. old womin now is spider head and say. "YOU WILL PAY. YOU WILL PAY" she yell and john screem and is wake.
"bad dream.hope dont have agin" and he go and set up tv in live room but it not turn on. "why wont tv turn on. damit" john say angry and give up and go mcdonald. when john arive at mcdonalds it is empty and light is off. john thinks must have arive early and go inside but old womin is inside and say "now you will pay for be bad" and john is ated by old womin who is now big spider and blood all over chikn nuget and old womin gets plan and use johns blood as mcdonald kechup so now when eat mcdonalds kechup you are realy eat johns blood
the end
Category:Deletion Log Refugees
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Dreams
Category:English Class Failure
Category:Shortpasta