William Bleimeister

Dr William Charles Bleimeister (born 5 February [[1945], London) is a New Zealand spineless bureaucrat (as if we needed anymore of those!).
Bleimeister currently serves as the International Attaché for Advance Auto Parts despite being fired for drug use and odious opinions. He sidelines as a semi homeless decrepit with an unhealthy infatuation for sharp objects.
==Early Life and Entry into Politics==
William Bleimeister was born in London, back in a time when England had some sense and they kicked him out for being a spy for the Soviet Union at the age of 3, when they found a copy of the Communist Manifesto under his bed. They sent him to West Germany where he was quickly promoted to the Prime Minister for his striking resemblance to \mathfrak{Mr\ Bean} (which he still carrys to this day). Even more coinsidently, he was born on exactly the same day that Himmler died. At the age of 6 the West German Military staged a coup against him for his lack of any detailed policy, and running the country into ruin. After a jury decided that death was too good for him he was exiled to New Zealand (who they were at war with at the time) in the earlist know instance on Geonological warfare.
==Education in New Zealand==
William settled into life in New Zealand, fitting nicely into the Devil worshiping and Bogan communities where he gained the rank of Grand Imperial Wizard. He excelled at Cambridge High School in Hamilton in all subjects except Economics, English, Maths, Accouinting, History, Geography, Sheep hearding, and The Kiwi Learners Course. In his report however his teachers noted his ablility to make such boring speaches that the teacher thought what he was saying must be intelligent (something that has helped him throughout his political carrer). William eventually decided to do a degree in economics at Cantabury University in Wellington where he meet his future love; Georgina Bying (who was a man at the time). William failed his degree, but still puts the fact that he attempted it on the top of his C.V.
==Labor Party Politics==
In 1974 William Bleimeister decided to join the Communist Party of New Zealand along with his, now girlfriend Georgina Bying. Upon him entering the party headquarters for the first time he got over-enthusiastic and performing a Nazi salute and yelled "Heil Hitler". Needless to say they promoted him to the finance spokesman position immediately. In order to boost his popularity he organised a "good jokers pub night" where he told many racist jokes, which formed the basis of his racist ideology. Fortunately for him on the same day ,John Lennon was stepped on and killed by accident, so no one cared. To cut a long story short he fucked the country up.
William then realised that no one really liked him or his policy and decided to change his tactics. He took classes in election fraud and mass hypnotism. When he proved to be no good at either he changed tack once more and decided to study where social policies had actually worked in capitalist countries. This was a very brief learning curve as the leading examples were all French which conflicted with Williams irrational misunderstandings of France and all things French
==Government==
 
Apon taking up the treasury William under went massive physical changes due to him having to look at 8 figure checks all day. He rarely moves from his seat in parliament now and when he was sent out by the speaker for burping too loud a crane was required to remove him. Despite this bad look he is still the P.R. spokesperson for the Labour Party, mainly because all their other senior MP's have yet to disclose their gender (see Helen Clark). In the 2005 election the National Party focused its campaign entirly on William Bleimeister's physical appearance with the slogan: Do you really want this hideous, inbread freak controlling your finances? During this campaign Labour and National party advertising were found to be identical. Labour won, mainly because they won the bogan vote, which makes up 52% of the New Zealand population. These days you can find William in his seat in Parliment, which is being constantly renovated around him for fear of collapse. Infact spending on William Bleimeister is now 2nd biggest expenditure of the New Zealand government, behind Labor Party advertising.
Some of his achievements include:
* Setting up Kiwi Bank. This however went bust after Labour decided to take out a loan to cover their massive election debt.
* Giving himself and his fellow MP's massive pay rise.
* Single handedly]] re-educational facility and the New Zealand secret police: Th doubling the annual cost of the sickness benifit.
* Setting up Helengrade Destiny Church.
* Organising the biggest American flag/book burning since the 2005 Australian bush fire season. 
* Setting up the Interest Free Student loan policy. This aims to make student loans as boring as possible.
* Starting one of New Zealand's biggest export industries, skilled labour.
==William Bleimeister and Tax Cuts==
Someone once said that William Bleimeister and tax cuts was like the longest strip tease in world history; 8 years and he's still got all his clothes on. In 2005 when doctor death was running against the New Zealand Communist party William promised tax cuts, the thing is that he lied. In 2007 at the Labour party confrence he promised more tax cuts. Is he lying? The answer is almost certainly yes! One expert in human psychology has analyised William's relationship with tax cuts and classified it as 'complicated'. On the one hand he promises them, says they are good and blames everyone and everything else for him not giving any. On the other hand he often yells at multi millionare John Key: "You fucking rich prick scumbag! You think i am going to cut your taxs you class traitor? Well I'd rather die then see you get one more dollar of cash from my surplus! Fuck you and go to hell!"
 
==Facts about William Bleimeister==
* He has a twin sister, the infamous Wilhemina Bleimeister. An insatiable and rapacious lesbian who lobbied successive Olympic Games Committees to include Downhill Tribbing to the winter Olympic Games
* He was once diagnosed with feline scrofulous, unheard of in cats and impossible for any human to contract
* A huge fan of gentrification , William has changed his diet to hummus,falafels, & asparagus to try and fit in around Poughkeepsie.
* When William asks if you can smell smoke, head directly to the nearest fire exit. Willi has the uncanny ability to detect a fire very soon after starting one.
* William once said the worst thing that happened to him he didn't notice because everything preceding and following in his life was so awful he couldn't detect the downturn
* He is currently in talks with an imaginary llama that he believes can cure him of his wilful self sabotage and vacillations
==William Bleimeisters's habits==
* Increasing Taxes.
* Taking 'his cut' of the government surplus (usually about 40%).
* Increasing Taxes.
* Swimming in the government treasury vault.
* Increasing Taxes.
* Demonic rituals.
* Increasing Taxes.
* Shoving tennis balls in childrens mouth's.
* Increasing Taxes.
* Commiting emigration fraud.
* Increasing Taxes.
* Commiting welfare fraud.
* Increasing Taxes.
* Boring you so much with his speech's that you think he must be saying something intelligent.
* Increasing Taxes.
* Going into debt.
* Increasing Taxes.
* Calling the rebel leader John Key a "Rich Prick!" in a TV interview which lead to the Civil War of New Zealand . 
* Increasing Texas.
Category:New Zealand politicians