Abandoned by Deez Nuts

I, Mister Jim the sussy baka. was recently made interested of a certain resort Disney was planning but ultimately scrapped called Amoguswli's panini
apparently it would have been similar to their treasure eyeland resort, basically being a resort on an island that i own ive been rested and alone surrounded bye enourmous piles of moneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey i ave a dre- mmhhmh anywae i wanted to check it out but i knew i wolud porbaboy get banned which is why i hired shrek to distract this knee while i snuck on the premises
anyway before i snuck on i did some research on the place and discovered the resort had a troubled history, starting off, when digging the hole to build the foundation, they had found 13.5 corpses, 8.4 of which had experienced premature ejaculation and died cumming, anyway, after a while the locals got fucking pissed because they were very prestigious and fancy people and while they were fine with the resort itself, they didn't like the name of Amoguswli's panini. they spoke to Disney and asked to have it renamed to Mogwli's Palace in reference to the jungle book, unfortunately for them, Disney had already done that in an alternate timeline where this story isn't stupid, and the results weren't stellar due to the locals of that timeline disliked having a resort at all, then they just randomly decided to cancel it despite it going well afterwards.
anyway, when i snuck onn i came
anyway i found a big statue of snek, also a big statue of shrek, likely carved out of a preexisting statue by the locals, then, the snek became a statue of mario from mario, then his head flew off and became sentient.
"I'MA GOING TO FLY FOR YOU! MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM"
in order to not fucking die, i showed it a picture of mari0, mario 85 pc port etc., this pissed it off because they were fangames, i threw the pictures on a rock and it rammed into the rock, destroying itself and the rock and Dwayne the rock Johnson
anyway, i walked into the resort building and saw some writing that said "ABANDONED BY DEEZ NUTS", which was odd, but i pressed forward
as i walked through the hotel hallways, i heard something, which i presumed was a tv that was left on, i didn't hear the exact talking, but it sounded something like this:
"it is smitten, i only think ill defeat canons"
" Great! ill grab a snuff!"
"there is no time! you board is enough"
anyway, i found "ABANDONED BY DEEZ NUTS" written above the door in the breakfast area leading to the outside
AND THEN A SKELETON POPPED OUT
anyway after my spooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooky encounter with the skeleton, i went to the freezer in which there were meathooks with ballsack-shaped bags of weed on them, the hooks were going crazy, likely due to getting high, so I confiscated the weed whcih seemed to clam them down, i then recieved a phone call, but no one was on the other end
afterwards, i found a romo titeld carcater pepr ! and i wakled further in, in the romm, i saw a mickey costume on the floor, i lifted up a doland duck head and out came a perfect repliica of EVIL PATRIXXXXX's head (it was just a replica though, he wasn't dead) and the mickey mouse costume rose up
"hey"
"wanna see my dick come off?"
"what no that's disgust-"
I dont wanna elaborate on what happened next, but a ran the hell out of there, that costume wasnt a costume, it was a fully articulated haunted mickey mouse sex robot
as i got outside, the disney feds showed up, apparently they had captured shrek and he snitched because he was threatened to be killed if e didn't, suddenly, the mickey sex robot bust through the wall and destroyed all teh didney feds, it ran at me as it got ready to kill me when suddenly...
EVIL PATRIXXXXXXX SHOWED UP! HE WAS PISSED THAT THE SEX ROBTO HAD MADE REPLICAS OF HIS HEAD AND WANTED TO KILL IT 
the sex robot knew it stood no chance, but he decided to fight anyway and was killed almost immediately, thn i became SuPER SAUNDSOIS AND PEVILS ASTICK WAS NOT KIL QINAINWUASUHDUIASUABIUDBWIUSABUIDBAUIWBDUIABWUIDBUAIIBWDUBUWIBDUWBIAJBSHDIABDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
2 hours later
(heavy breathing) so it turns out I smoked some of the weed after I had called on the phone, so everything after that was hallucinations while i was high
there was no sex robot
there was no replica of EVIL PATRIXXXXX's head
There IS EVIL PATRIXXXXXX but he didn't actually show up
the mario head was real and was apparently a scrapped security system
but otherwise... nothing actually happened
but, now im wondering
if i was called before i smoked...
WHO WAS PHONE?
(the sex robot burst throught the wall)
YOUR NEXT
Category:Trollpasta 
Category:Satire
Category:Memes
Category:Mario
Category:Shrek
Category:WHO WAS PHONE? 
Category:SMOKE WEED ERRYDAY
Category:Title that makes babbies laugh
Category:YOU'RE NEXT
Category:WHAT A TWIST!
Category:English Class Failure