Time Person of the Year

Person of the Year (called Man of the Year back in the good ole days, and called Woman of the Year a few times when the editors were caught cheating on their wives, before Time decided to start shoving social justice down our throats in 1999) is an annual issue of the American fake news magazine and website Time that features and metaphorically sucks off a person, a group, an idea, or an objectI know, right? that "for better or for worse... has been mentioned in the most notifications that we never read on our phones that year". The Time website asks readers who they feel lit up their phones at the most annoying times in an annual poll, which the editors of Time magazine completely ignore when selecting their featured subject.
==Background==
The tradition of selecting a "Man of the Year" began in 1927, with Time editors contemplating the fake news makers of the year. When you think of 1927, what's the first name that comes to mind? Well, yeah, but Babe Ruth didn't even win the MVP that year. Okay, yes, that was because of a stupid rule saying that you could only win the MVP award once, and they almost immediately repealed that rule after he smashed a record 60 home runs, a record that would stand for nearly four decades. But come on, Charles Lindbergh was a model family man, he made some amazing advancements in home security technology, and he somehow managed to stretch a flight that should easily land in under 8 hours to over 33 hours.
==Selection==
===U.S. Presidents===
Since the list began, every serving President of the United States has been a Man or Person of the Year at least once with the exceptions of Calvin Coolidge (in office at the time of the first issue), Herbert Hoover (the subsequent U.S. President, the Great Depression was obviously not his fault), and Gerald Ford (do-nothing president, obviously Nixon's puppet). This glaring fact has exposed the American media as being state-owned.
===Women===
Prior to 1999, a few women had been granted the title. This was done to appease the wives of editors who had caught their husbands in various compromising positions. But things really got bad in 1999. Then-managing editor Walter Isaacson wasn't just caught cheating, he was caught banging dudes and goats while under the influence of MDMA (then known as Ecstasy). Walter knew he'd have to do something drastic if Cathy would ever let him have an even remotely happy, stable home life again, so he changed the name of the award to the much more politically correct Person of the Year and told her that the award is also now given in her unmentioned honor (that's the highest honor there is).
===Controversial choices===
As mentioned above, Babe Ruth obviously should have been the first Man of the Year in 1927. 1927's selection is controversial not just because of Ruth's merits, but Charles Lindbergh's qualifications have been proven to be bullshit over time. Lindbergh actually turned out to be a horrible family man (he had many extramarital affairs and many extramarital children), his knowledge of home security turned out to be completely flawed (need I say more?), and flying from New York to Paris in over 33 hours is nothing to brag about (seriously, a bunch of no-name pilots have since done that in under 4 hours).
The 2006 selection of You made many readers wonder if the editors at Time had given up. Time has declined to comment.
The 1938 selection of Adolf Hitler was not controversial.
===Trolling===
Several of the selections are obvious examples of trolling by Time, often with fictional characters.
==Persons of the Year==
Year	Image 	Choice	Lifetime 	Notes 	Runners-up, more notes
1927	 	 	1902–1974 	For being a model family man with amazing home security. 	
1928	 	 	1875–1940 	In 1928, Chrysler oversaw a merger of his Chrysler Corporation with Dodge before beginning work on the Chrysler Building. This was all way more important than the discovery of penicillin. 	
1929	 	 	 	For always doing such a great, selfless job handling other people's money. 	
1930	 	 	1869–1948 	For "testing his restraint" by sleeping naked next to teenage girls. 	
1931	 	 	 	In 1931, known thief, pimp, racketeer, and murderer Al Capone was convicted of tax evasion. He would serve 7 years in prison for his crimes, before being released to spend his remaining years with his wife and grandchildren at his mansion in Palm Island, Florida. 	
1932	 	 	1882–1945 	For marrying his cousin and constantly cheating on her. 	
1933	 	 	1846–1911 	Posthumously honored for successfully implementing permanent prohibition, its wonderful effects on the economy, and its long-lasting influence on Western culture. 	
1934	 	 	Born in 1.8 million B.C. 	In 1934, the Loch Ness Monster was photographed for the first time, finally definitively proving his undeniable existence. 	
1935	 	 	1892–1975 	For his profound contributions to Rastafarianism. 	
1936	 	 	1896–1986 	In 1936, then-managing editor of Time John S. Martin was caught cheating on his wife. In a failed attempt to appease her, Martin selected a woman who was also involved in an adulterous scandal to be the first "Woman of the Year". Martin was immediately fired. 	
1937	 	 	1936–1937 	For saving money by using hydrogen instead of helium and passing the savings on to its customers. 	
1938	 	 	1889–1945 	For promoting political freedom and multiculturalism. 	
1939	 	(2) 	1889–1945 	For liberating the Polish. 	
1939	 	 	1878–1953 	For signing a pact with Hitler and assisting in liberating the Polish. 	
1940	 	 	1874–1965 	For hating those "half-naked", "beastly" Indians and his relentless imperialism. 	
1941	 	 	1884–1943 	For taking his friends on a surfing holiday in Hawaii. 	
1942	 	 	1926–2022 	In 1942, Princess Elizabeth registered for war service in the United Kingdom. She served in the armed forces during World War II. Yeah...... 	
1943	 	 	1880–1959 	Obvious trolling by Time, likely a fictional character. 	
1944	 	(3) 	1889–1945 	For his successful defence of Normandy. 	
1945	 	 	1901–1989 	For never giving up, even with the fat lady belting that high E right in his ear. 	
1946	 	 	1879–1972 	Obvious trolling by Time, likely a fictional character. 	
1947	 	 	 	In 1947, after being cordially invited by Harry S. Truman, aliens landed in Roswell, New Mexico. Truman believed them when they said they would bring everybody Snickers bars and Beanie Babies, but they instead used anal probes to enslave everyone in Washington. (To this day, anyone who spends more than 8 consecutive days in Washington gets probed by a slave.) To avoid embarrassment, the U.S. government told everyone that a weather balloon simply crashed and ordered the state-owned media to "debunk" any "conspiracy theories" stating otherwise.	
1948	 	 	1912–1994 	For founding the "Democratic" "People's" "Republic" of Korea on the principles of the unalienable rights of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. 	
1949	 	(2) 	1874–1965 	Proclaimed as the "Man of the half-century" for hating those "half-naked", "beastly" Indians and his relentless imperialism. 	
1950	 	 	 	For their successful invasion of North Korea and unification of Korea. 	
1951	 	 	1882–1967 	For being a homosexual champion for women's rights. 	
1952	 	(2) 	1926–2022 	For spending eight figures per year of the United Kingdom's taxpayers' money. 	
1953	 	 	 	In 1953, Hugh Hefner redefined the term "art" by publishing nude photos of the future First Lady. 	
1954	 	 	1950–1956 	For redefining the word "choke" at the 1954 World Cup. 	
1955	 	 	1893–1962 	For being an excellent marksman and hunter that Dick Cheney idolizes. 	
1956	 	 	1923–1969 	In 1956, Rocky Marciano retired from professional boxing with a record of 49–0–0 (43 KO's), the only heavyweight ever to retire undefeated. 	
1957	 	 	 	For planting the seeds that would start the Hippie Movement. 	
1958	 	 	1890–1970 	For miraculously remaining in power after his government collapsed. 	
1959	 	 	1890–1969 	For playing golf twice a week. 	
1960	 	 	 	Nazis recruited by the U.S. government. Represented by Georg Rickhey, Adolf Busemann, Arthur Rudolph, Walter Schreiber, Hubertus Strughold, Wernher von Braun, Kurt Debus, Hermann Oberth, and Willy Ley. 	
1961	 	 	1917–1963 	For banging Marilyn Monroe. 	
1962	 	 	1881–1963 	For making the world safe for pedophiles. 	
1963	 	 	1929–1968 	A leader of the Rastafari Movement, King organized a rager with more than 250,000 people on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial in 1963. 	
1964	 	 	1908–1973 	In 1964, the Warren Commission, which Johnson established, concluded that Johnson had nothing to do with the Kennedy assassination. It also concluded that one man, Lee Harvey Oswald, acted alone in assassinating a U.S. President. It also concluded that one man, Jack Ruby, acted alone in assassinating a man in federal custody. 	
1965	 	 	1914–2005 	For winning the Vietnam War. 	
1966	 	 	 	For "Paint It Black". 	
1967	 	 	1942–1970 	For "Purple Haze". 	
1968	 	(2) 	1908–1973 	For losing his own party's nomination in the Presidential Election, the last incumbent U.S. President to do so. 	
1969	 	 	 	Apparently landing on the moon was insignificant. Anyway, Time did this in a pathetic attempt to increase their circulation, failing to realize that hillbillies are illiterate. 	
1970	 	 	1913–1992 	Obvious trolling by Time, likely a fictional character. 	
1971	 	 	 	For giving the world the Pinto. 	
1972	 	 	1913–1994 	For going to China after catching yellow fever. 	
1973	80px|center	(2) 	1913–1994 	For his contributions to the field of espionage. 	
1974	 	 	1906–1975 	Faisal, an environmentalist, made gas ridiculously expensive and almost impossible to find for a while. Also for his amazing fashion sense. Also for his contributions to women's rights. 	
1975	 	 	 	So apparently like 2 editors and 6 writers for Time were caught having a hookers and blow party at the office one night. They did this to appease their wives. 	
1976	 	 	Born in 1924 	Just your obligatory "U.S. President is Man of the Year". Time decided to honor Carter before he even took office since they completely forgot about Ford. 	
1977	 	 	1918–1981 	Obvious trolling by Time, likely a fictional character. 	
1978	 	 	1904–1997 	For legalizing sweatshops in China. 	
1979	80px|center	 	1902–1989 	For his contributions to women's rights. 	
1980	 	 	1911–2004 	For bringing astrology into the Oval Office. 	
1981	 	 	Born in 1943 	Obvious trolling by Time, likely a fictional character. 	
1982	 	 	 	For giving the monsters semi-random movement, preventing the use of patterns to clear each round. 	
1983	 	 	 	For "Sharp Dressed Man". 	
1984	 	 	1928–2021 	For taking the meaning of the word "useless" to a whole new level. 	
1985	 	(2) 	1904–1997 	For his continued contributions to the sweatshop industry. 	
1986	 	 	1949–2019 	For his clutch performance in the World Series. 	
1987	 	 	1931–2022 	For his responsible, honest handling of the Chernobyl disaster and his brave decision not to tear down the wall. 	
1988	 	 	 	Since carbon dioxide is a greenhouse gas, Time encouraged everyone to stop breathing. 	
1989	 	(2) 	1931–2022 	Acknowledged as "Man of the Decade" for winning the Cold War and ensuring that the Soviet Union would prosper forever. 	
1990	 	 	1937–2006 	For his peacekeeping and humanitarian efforts, especially in Kuwait. 	
1991	80px|center	 	Born in 1938 	For becoming the first rich man to marry an older woman, bringing the concept banging cougars to mainstream America. 	
1992	 	 	Born in 1946 	For being an incorrigible poon-hound. 	
1993	 	 	Born in 1942 	In 1993, Joe Biden groped the fuck out of a bunch of his staffers and aides. It might have seemed insignificant at the time (to Joe at least, not to the victims), and Time's Up told the victims to shut the hell up. But it actually turned out to be an important opportunity for Biden to display his dominance by showing that his own rules don't apply to him in the 2020 United States presidential election. 	
1994	 	 	1920–2005 	For making the world safe for pedophiles. 	
1995	 	 	1937–2005 	For showing that grasping out at straws is an awesome legal strategy. 	
1996	 	 	Born in 1973 	For her contributions to the Dramatic Arts. 	
1997	 	 	1961–1997 	In 1997, Princess Di died in a car crash, a very normal, non-royal type of death. This made the whole world sympathize with the royal family and forget how much they have stolen (and continue to steal) from the sheeple of the United Kingdom. 	
1998	 	 	Born in 1973 	For going above and beyond the call of duty. 	
1999	 	 	Born in 1964 	For securing millions in investments and billions in loans for a company that had never turned a profit. 	
2000	 	 	Born in 1946 	For his contributions to the field of linguistics. 	
2001	 	 	1957–2011 	For his contributions to aviation and his humanitarian efforts. 	
2002	 	 	 	For their contributions to the field of accounting. 	
2003	 	 	Claimed 1969, acutally born in 1955	For giving the world The Room. 	
2004	 	(2) 	 	For racking up trillions in debt. 	
2005	 	(2) 	Born in 1946 	For his excellent handling of the United States federal budget. 	
2006	 	 	 	Yeah, Time just kinda phoned this one in. 	
2007	 	 	Born in 1953 	For managing to keep teaching 5th grade English with an unbreakable spirit despite being diagnosed with GAIDS. Due to legal reasons, his cousin Henry Winkler had to take his place for the photo shoot. 	
2008	 	 	Born in 1961 	For smoking marijuana and snorting cocaine. 	
2009	 	 	Born in 1953 	Because the financial crisis was totally over by the end of 2009. 	
2010	 	 	Born in 1984 	For stealing Facebook from the Winklevoss twins. 	
2011	 	 	1942–2011 	For his contributions to human rights. 	
2012	 	(2) 	Born in 1961 	For smoking more marijuana and snorting more cocaine. 	
2013	 	 	Born in 1936 	For making the world safe for pedophiles. 	
2014	 	 	Born in 1952 	For liberating Crimea from the oppressive Ukrainians and doing an amazing job organizing the Sochi Olympics. 	
2015	 	 	Born in 1949 	For cutting off her penis and being a really safe driver. 	
2016	 	 	Born in 1947 	In 2016, Clinton pulled off the once-thought impossible feat of losing to Donald Trump in a United States Presidential Election. 	
2017	 	 	Born in 1952 	For his political activism and contributions to feminism. 	
2018	 	 	 	Journalists. Yeah. Time decided to suck themselves off for a change. 	
2019	 	 	Born in 2003 	For her contributions to the Overdramatic Arts. 	
2020	 	 	Unleashed in 2019 	Thanks, China! 	
2021	 	 	Born in 1971 	For his contributions to the field of baby naming. 	
2022	 	 	Born in 1967 	For dictating a mask mandate over America's largest state in the name of safety and then taking a stand against said mandate in the name of liberty... multiple times. 	
2023	 	 	Born in 1989 	In 2023, TayTay significantly increased her popularity and net worth by banging Fantasy Football star Travis Kelce. 	
2024	 	 	Born in 1986 	For taking a brave stand for fans' rights in the 2024 World Series. 	
==See also==
*Bullshit
*Fake news
==Notes==
Category:Journalism
Category:Assholes
Category:Political Bullshit
Category:Celebrities
Category:Liars
Category:Bitches
Category:Idiots
Category:FA People
Category:FA Journalism
Category:FA Lists