Hot Dogs, Horseshoes & Hand Grenades/Self-Loading Pistols

=Self-Loading Pistols=
Handguns in H3 are split into eight categories, based on their method of operation: Automatic (i.e. self-loading), Revolver, Machine Pistol (most of which are here, though some are on the submachine gun sub-page; the distinction is largely arbitrary, as the term has no formalized definition), Breech Loading, Lever Action, Bolt Action (which are listed in the rifles/carbines page, as the category consists of sawn-off bolt-action rifles with the only exception being the Welrod Mk IIA), Muzzle Loading, and Derringers. A small number of exceptions are categorized (presumably on the basis of caliber) with the anti-materiel rifles. This subpage covers the Automatic and Machine Pistol categories; the others are covered on the next two subpages.
==AMT AutoMag II==
The AMT AutoMag II was one of the two pistols added on Day 4 of the Meatmas 2022 advent calendar event.
==AMT AutoMag V==
Accompanying the AutoMag II above, the AMT AutoMag V was also added on Day 4 of Meatmas 2022 advent calendar event.
==ASP==
One of many small pistols added in the update, the much-requested ASP was implemented in Update #105's first experimental build.
==Bayard Model 1908==
The Bayard Model 1908 was added on Meatmas Day 2022, thus marking the diminutive pistol's first known video game appearance.
==Beretta 92FS (Grammaton Cleric pistol)==
Replicas of the Grammaton Clerics' modified Beretta 92FS pistols from the movie Equilibrium are available in-game, having been added through Update #37. The Grammaton Cleric comes in full-auto, and boasts the same interesting muzzle flash as the movie gun.
==Beretta 92FS Inox==
The Beretta 92FS Inox was added in Alpha 1 of Update #99, as part of the 92-series refresh update.
==Beretta 93R==
The Beretta 93R was added on day 7 of the Meatmas 2020 Advent Calendar event. It is cross-compatible with all Beretta magazines (including the extended Cx4 magazines), and comes with a detachable shoulder stock.
==="Auto 9"===
The Beretta 93R Auto 9 was added on Meatmas Day 2020. It is largely identical to the standard 93R gameplay-wise, save for its slightly better recoil control and muzzle velocity (owing to the longer, compensated barrel), its lack of a foregrip, and its fire mode - 4-round bursts instead of the standard version's 3.
thumb|none|600px|As with H3's many other movie guns, the Auto-9 is given the more copyright-friendly "M93RA9." Fitting, under the circumstances.
thumb|none|600px|The Beretta pistol underneath is still recognizable, but all the extra bits give this pistol a very distinct profile.
thumb|none|600px|The flared irons and barrel weight, in particular, give this pistol an air of... justice.
thumb|none|600px|The Auto 9 can take any Beretta magazine, though comes with the 20 round 93R mag by default.
thumb|none|600px|Chambering some 9x19mm rounds, and the weapon is hot.
thumb|none|600px|Fire selector on the Auto 9 is exactly the same as it is on the 93R.
thumb|none|600px|Of course we had to set it to three round burst, you cannot fire the Auto-9 on anything other than three round burst. That's what Directive #5 says, anyway.
thumb|none|600px|"Your move, creep."
thumb|none|600px|Even without the foregrip and stock, the heavy barrel weight keeps recoil somewhat manageable.
thumb|none|600px|"My friends call me Murphy. You call me... Sosigcop."
==Beretta 950BS Jetfire==
The Beretta 950BS Jetfire is one of the available firearms in-game, having been added through the first Meatmas update. 2 versions are available - a standard blued model with black plastic grips, and a gold-plated model with mother-of-pearl grips.
==Beretta M1951==
The Beretta M1951 was added in Update #105 Experimental Build 1; however, the weapon was only available through random drops like in Take and Hold until the update's third experimental build, when it was added into the item spawner.
==Beretta M9==
The original military-issue Beretta M9 was added in Alpha 1 of Update #99, as part of the update's M9 series refresh. The main distinguishing feature between the M9 and the previously-added M9A1 is the former's lack of an under-barrel rail; the M9A1 also has slightly different grip serrations, though this has no impact on gameplay.
==Beretta M9A1==
The Beretta M9A1 is one of the 4 pistols added in Update #5. Upon its introduction, it was permanently fitted with a suppressor; this was removed in favor of a threaded barrel in Update #20 (which introduced detachable suppressors to the game). The first alpha of Update #99 replaced the model with a fresh one, to bring it into line with the other Beretta 92 variants.
==Beretta M9A3==
Update #52 added a Beretta M9A3 to the game, complete with its own unique (yet interchangeable) 17-round magazines. As with the other Beretta 92 variants, it received a new model in Update #99's first alpha.
==Beretta Px4 Storm==
The Beretta Px4 Storm is one of the available firearms in-game. It was added in Update #20, and is correctly able to share magazines with the earlier M9A1, the concurrently-added Cx4, and the later-added Mx4.
==Bergmann M1901 "Simplex"==
The Wurstwurld update brought along a Bergmann Simplex pocket pistol, among many other things. Of note is that this is the first ever appearance of this variant of the weapon in a video game, and only the second documented appearance of it in any form of media, the first being in The Mystic Archives of Dantalian.
==Bergmann No. 5==
Added in the sixth alpha build of Update #85, H3 expands its list of first-time-in-a-video-game Bergmann pistols with the No. 5, an 1897-vintage, full-sized semiautomatic. Two variants are available - a standard pistol and a long-barreled carbine - both of which are compatible with a concurrently-added attachable stock (or any of the game's other pistol-stocks, for that matter).
==Borchardt C-93==
Added in the fifth alpha of Update #85, the Borchardt C-93 distinguishes itself as H3's oldest autoloading firearm.
==Browning Hi-Power==
The Browning Hi-Power was the first weapon added in the 1st Meatmas update. Notably, it is correctly depicted as being unfireable without a magazine inserted.
==Charter Arms Explorer II==
Update #59's 9th alpha build brought along a Charter Arms Explorer II, a pistol variant of the Armalite AR-7 survival rifle.
==Colt Defender==
The 12th and final alpha build of Update #52 added a Colt Defender, chambered in .45 ACP.
==Colt M1911==
Added in the fifth alpha build of Update #85, the Colt M1911 joins H3VR's roster of auto-loading handguns as a completely separate, distinct pistol from the M1911A1 below (largely to add more variety to the end-game weapon pool of the Take & Hold character Cowweiner Calico); interestingly, this makes H3 one of (if not the) only games to feature both.
===1911 Stamped Prototype===
Update #95 added an extremely rare prototype of the 1911 pistol made from stamped parts. Due to the scarcity of information on this pistol, this is the first known depiction in media of this particular version of the 1911 pistol.
thumb|none|600px|Please ignore the fact that the gun model looks untextured - it was the manufacturer's fault it looks that way, not the modeler's. Jokes aside, this pistol is very bare bones in terms of useable features; no mag release button, no slide lock, etc. Thankfully the ejection button on the controller still works.
thumb|none|600px|Inserting what looks to be a typical 1911 magazine. I guess Colt figured it was the one component they couldn't simplify further.
thumb|none|600px|Overall, operating the prototype 1911 is no different from any of the other 1911 pattern pistols.
thumb|none|600px|...except for the safety. Instead of the manual safety being located on the side, it's located on the rear, just above the firing pin. When rotated downwards, it blocks the firing pin.
thumb|none|600px|And when rotated upwards, not only can you fire, you also get your rear sights!
thumb|none|600px|All quirkiness aside, it's still a pretty effective pistol when it comes to shooting targets.
thumb|none|600px|Like the Pocket Hammer 1903, the 1911 Prototype slide does not hold open upon emptying a magazine.
==Colt M1911A1==
The M1911A1 is one of the available firearms in-game, added in Update #3. Update #23 added 2 cosmetic variants: one with a matte-gray finish and green synthetic grips, and one with a gold-plated finish and black grips. The M1911A1 is noteworthy for having the most variants of any pistol in the game; adding together the original M1911, the Kimber Warrior (which is listed in-game as a modern M1911A1 variant), cosmetic finishes, and spinoff variants, there are eleven different M1911-pattern pistols in H3VR.
==="Floppy McLongflopper"===
A unique, fully-automatic version of the latter with a length of about 1 meter (and, formerly, unlimited ammunition) is available in the Meatmas Snowglobe level and as a rare drop in Take And Hold; this version is referred to as, of all possible names, "Floppy McLongflopper". This is a reference to a series of requests on the game's subreddit by a user named "RichardLongflop" for a "longslide" version of the M1911A1 (which grew increasingly elaborate, to the point of submitting a fake bug report video in which he literally wrote the request on a target with bulletholes); while presumably referring to something along the lines of an AMT Hardballer Longslide, the lack of an actual specified slide length in the requests led game dev Anton Hand to create this monstrosity instead.
===Lebman Machine Pistol===
A fully-automatic variant of the M1911A1, based on the machine pistol conversions created by Hyman Lebman, is one of Update #52's additions; it was added during the "St. Valentine's Day Meatssacre" alpha build, and is referred to as the "M1911A1 Dillinger", in reference to the famous Prohibition-era gangster John Dillinger (who used a similar pistol during his time as a criminal).
 
==="Oversize M1911A1"===
Update #52's 7th alpha build (the April Fools' Day special) included the so-called "Oversize" version of the M1911A1. As the name implies, it is substantially larger than the standard M1911A1, being more akin in size to a howitzer than a handgun; to facilitate human use, it is fitted with several RIS-type grips for handling, a rail on the side for sights (as attempting to aim with the standard slide-mounted irons would likely lead to the user being decapitated), and an equally massive bipod for more stable use.
It fires the ".45 ACP Oversize" round, which, amusingly, had already been added to the game several updates prior; many enterprising players combined this with the ability to cook off and/or directly strike the primers of loose rounds to set them off (introduced in Update #48), and the game's substantial amounts of freedom with regards to rail adaptor placement (or spacially-lockable platforms, for that matter) to create various devices to launch these rounds. This gun can also fire so-called MIRV rounds, standing for Multiple Independent Re-entry Vehicle. This is a term used for Intercontinental Ballistic Missiles (ICBMs) that carry clustered munitions (by "munitions," read "thermonuclear missiles") which separate in outer space and re-enter the earth's atmosphere as separately-guided missiles.
The so-called MIRV rounds for this gun however contain cluster munitions (fortunately not thermonuclear missiles, although that would be fascinating for the few milliseconds you were still alive for after they detonated) that detonate a few hundred meters away from the gun in mid-air (or on impact if sooner). This shows that far from being an MIRV, this type of round is essentially an artillery cluster bomb shell. One example of this type of round is the so-called ICM or Improved Conventional Munitions, an acronym that is not a million miles away from ICBM, which may be where the idea of MIRV came from. This is a moot point anyway given that it is impossible in practical terms to launch an unpowered projectile into space. Of course it goes without saying that this mistaken acronym completely ruins the otherwise totally realistic experience of firing a 10-foot-tall Colt 1911.
==="Sound Check"===
Added in Update #91 (the 2020 4th of July update), the "Sound Check" is a TF2-styled M1911A1, chambered in the fictitious ".52 AMP" ("Automatic Meaty Pistol") round, which had been added to the game several updates prior with nothing to fire it. The round comes in two forms: a standard FMJ, and a "Jacketed Hollow Patriot" round that fires 3 tracer flechettes per shot - one red, one white, and one blue. The name is a reference to the developer's devlog, which always begins with a sound check by mag-dumping an M1911.
thumb|none|600px|"Greetings!"
thumb|none|600px|"Welcome to the Devlog!"
thumb|none|600px|"Today we'll be looking at this Meat Fortress-ified M1911 pistol, loaded with .52 AMP FMJ rounds."
thumb|none|600px|"We're going to start off as always with a quick sound check."
thumb|none|600px|"Make sure your speakers aren't up too high."
thumb|none|600px|BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG
thumb|none|600px|"Wonderful!"
thumb|none|600px|"Next we have Jacketed Hollow Patriot, which as you can see, have lovely red, white & blue subminitions."
thumb|none|600px|"As you can see, not only are these flechettes riccocheting off the wall in the colors of Old Glory..."
thumb|none|600px|"But so are the sparks that get left behind."
thumb|none|600px|"And by attaching a Meat Fortress suppressor, you've got yourself one fancy sidearm."
==Colt Model 1900==
The Colt Model 1900 was added as part of the Meatmas 2024 update; this marks the pistol's first known appearance in any officially-released media.
==Colt Model 1903 Pocket Hammer==
Another weapon added in the fifth alpha of Update #85, the seldom-seen Colt Model 1903 Pocket Hammer is available; the in-game model has a deep-blued finish with gold inlays, a spur hammer, and pearl grips.
==Colt Woodsman Match Target==
One of the weapons added in the 2018 Halloween update (the main headline of which was the Return of the Rotweiners gamemode, a large-scale rogue-lite zombie RPG) was a Colt Woodsman Match Target .22 target pistol with gold-inlaid engravings and pearl grips; the pistol is exclusive to the mode by default, and can only be unlocked for general use by completing part of it.
=="Cyber Pistol"==
One of the first firearms added to H3VR (before it even carried that name, in fact), along with the "Cartoon 8 Gauge" sawn-off shotgun, was the "Cyber Pistol", a fictional semi-automatic handgun with an integrated laser sight. It feeds from a 9-round single-stack magazine; this initially used a simple, proprietary round known only as "Cyber Pistol" ammunition; in Update #52, it was changed to use the same "10mm DSM" ammo as the LAPD 2019 Blaster. The Cyber Pistol isn't presently attainable through the standard item spawner, though some scenes feature an Easter egg fully-automatic version with infinite ammo, and the standard version can be obtained through random spawns in modes such as Take & Hold.
==CZ 52==
The CZ 52 was added as part of the Meatmas 2024 update.
==CZ 75 SP-01 SHADOW==
The CZ 75 SP-01 SHADOW is one of the available firearms in-game, being one of the many weapons added through the 1st Meatmas update.
==CZ Scorpion Evo 3 S2 Micro Pistol==
On Day 16 of the Meatmas 2022 Advent Calendar event, the game introduced a family of CZ Scorpion Evo 3 firearms; the smallest of the bunch was the S2 Micro Pistol variant.
=="Deaglov"==
One of the seven cursed guns added in Update #95, The Deaglov is a hybrid of the Makarov PM and Desert Eagle pistols, chambered in .32 ACP - namely, it features the Desert Eagle's barrel and slide, scaled down to fit the Makarov's frame. The Deaglov is tied with the Tomacuzi as the fourth hybrid firearm added to the game.
==Desert Eagle L5==
One of the six gifts added with the 25th and final day of the Meatmas 2018 event (5 firearms and one attachment) was a Desert Eagle; more specifically, a .357 Magnum-chambered Desert Eagle L5, a short-barreled lightweight version meant to comply with certain legal restrictions (some US states having a ban on any handgun over 50 ounces (approx. 1.4 kg)). This variant completed the in-game trifecta of the 3 standard Desert Eagle calibers: .357 Magnum, .44 Magnum, and .50 AE (excluding more obscure and rare chamberings, like .440 Cor-Bon, .41 Magnum, and .429 DE). This is, notably, the first documented appearance of this particular Desert Eagle variant in any known form of media.
==Desert Eagle Mark VII==
A Desert Eagle Mark VII, chambered in .44 Magnum is one of the available firearms in-game. It was added in Update #26, an update that (perhaps more significantly) also added the Meat Grinder gamemode. The in-game model also has Mark XIX slide serations and can mount attachments, despite lacking the rail necessary to do so.
On April Fools' Day of 2018, Update #52's 7th alpha build was released. Among other things, this included the "Degle.50", a cardboard Desert Eagle held together with duct tape. The weapon was meant as a joke response to a poorly-spelled Steam request for a replica of the Desert Eagle seen in Blue Estate. It fires the ".50 Imaginary" round, of which several types (with names just as eloquent as that of the pistol itself) are available. To top it off, all of the Degle's sound effects were created by game director Anton Hand - not mixed, mind you, but literally created - the sounds are all Anton saying various onomatopoeia associated with the weapon's functions.
==="Degle"=== 
==Desert Eagle Mark XIX==
To compliment the .44 Mark VII, Update #58 added a Desert Eagle Mark XIX in .50 Action Express. The in-game handgun is a more recent Magnum Research model, with rails on the barrel and frame, and a ported barrel. On Day 10 of the Meatmas 2022 Advent Calendar event, not only did the Desert Eagle .50 AE get a model refresh, it was also joined by several other variants; one with a 10-inch barrel, one with a 14-inch barrel, and one with a different 14-inch barrel with a custom barrel attachment, similar to the one from Peacemaker.
==="Desert Eagle 50 Marksman"===
==="Desert Eagle 50 14 inch"===
==="Desert Eagle 50 Longslide"===
== "Dirk 38"==
Patch 1 of Update #114 introduced four weapons from the game Sulfur, the first of which being its fictional "P38 Dirk" starting pistol (called the "Dirk 38" in H3). It is of fictional design, though it bears a passing resemblance to the Mauser C96 (or possibly the M712 Schnellfeuer, given the detachable magazine), albeit with a more conventional slide design reminiscent of various .22 LR-chambered pistols, and a pair of M1911-esque grip panels. Chambered for the ambiguous "9mm" round in Sulfur, it uses .38 ACP in H3VR.
==Fictional Energy Pistols==
Alongside its conventional handguns, H3VR has 3 fictitious energy pistols, added at varying points in its development, and using distinctly different mechanics.
The first, the "Ray Gun", is a retro-futuristic... ray gun, added first as a starting weapon for the unlockable character Erthak-III the Extraterrestrial in the original Rise of the Rotweiners gamemode; it was subsequently added as a secret weapon (i.e. only attainable as a rare drop in Take & Hold, rather than being directly spawnable). Oddly, for all its futuristic looks, it is actually the most "normal" (relative to a conventional firearm) mechanics, with a rackable slide, pistol-like recoil, conventionally modeled projectiles, and a firing sound that wouldn't be terribly out of place on a normal gun - it's coded to use the same ".36 Moses" ammo as the Frontier Model B, though it neither needs to be nor can be reloaded, and fires in full-auto.
The second (added in Update #90), the "Compound Pistol", is a blocky blue-and-gold pistol of a roughly-conventional form factor, taken directly (with permission) from the retro-styled VR FPS Compound; it is also fully-automatic, slide-operated, and has a limitless amount of ammo, though it fires much slower than the Ray Gun, is governed by a heat gauge (which fills within about 10 rounds fired continuously, though it purges heat similarly quickly), and fires slow-moving projectiles that follow a straight line instead of a ballistic arc. These unusual mechanics are all analogous to the way the corresponding weapon works in Compound itself.
The third (added on Meatmas Day 2022), the "Laser Pistol", roughly resembles a duty-sized revolver, with a large battery where the cylinder would normally sit; it is the most grounded of the three, firing a continuous laser beam powered by the aforementioned battery. This battery is, unlike the prior two pistols, of finite capacity, with the frame breaking open to replace and swap it; how long it lasts depends on the selected intensity setting of the beam.
==="Ray Gun"===
==="Compound Pistol"===
==="Laser Pistol"===
==FN Five-seveN==
Update #58 added a much-requested handgun, the FN Five-seveN. The in-game weapon is a USG model, the most common of the bunch (despite no longer being in production), and has an FDE frame. The name "Five-seveN" refers to the pistol's 5.7x28mm ammunition, which unlike Heckler & Koch's rival 4.6mm round is not completely useless as pistol ammunition. The capitalization used in the Five-seveN's name is to highlight the "FN" in FN Herstal's name, as well as presumably to appeal to fans of American thrash metal.
==FN Model 1906==
Day 2 of the 2018 Meatmas Update brought along an FN Model 1906 pocket pistol.
==Fort-12==
The first experimental build of Update #102 brought along the Fort-12, simply named the "F12".
==French UNION==
So far the only known media appearance of this fairly rare French machine pistol, the UNION was a version of the Ruby capable of full-auto fire. It had a distinctive 35-round horseshoe magazine, which is replicated in-game.
==Glock 17==
Update #53 added a series of 9x19mm Glock pistols, the first of which being the ubiquitous Glock 17 to H3VR, specifically a 4th-generation model. It comes in 2 flavors - vanilla, and "Custom", the latter having a flared magazine well, raised aftermarket iron sights, a slide-mounted red dot sight, and a modified slide resembling the ZEV Technologies Dragonfly, with diagonal slide serrations and milling cuts around the barrel. It also comes with a unique 20-round magazine, interchangeable with the other 9mm Glocks.
Update #92 replaced the former gun's model, largely because its textures did not play nicely with the game's lighting system; the replacement model is a 3rd-generation version. 
Update #114 Alpha 1 added a meme variant of the Glock 17 called the "G17 Switch"; this is based on Glocks using Glock switches to add select-fire capability - except the switch in question is a household lightswitch.
Update #115 patch 2 added yet another meme variant called the "Twelve Glouge." As the name suggests, its a Glock 17 that's been doubled in size to chamber 12 gauge shotgun shells.
Update #116 Added three more meme variants of the Glock: A converted bolt-action pistol called the "G17 BoltAction," a stretched-out SMG called the "Glompson," and a converted full-auto pistol placed inside of a flintlock pistol frame called the "Flintglock."
===Custom===
==="G17 Switch"===
==="Twelve Glouge"===
==="G17 BoltAction"===
==="Glompson"===
==="Flintglock"===
==Glock 18==
The second (or third, if you count the custom G17) Glock variant added in Update #53 is a 2nd-generation Glock 18 machine pistol.
===Glock 18C===
Update #92 added a 4th-generation Glock 18C as a more modern alternative, as the only other modern machine pistol had been the Glock 22 Full-Auto Mod. Factory made Glock 18C pistols aren't currently known to exist in Gen 4, though there are some Khyber Pass copies in this configuration.
==Glock 19==
The third (or, again, fourth if the customized G17 is counted) and final Update #53 Glock is a 3rd-gen Glock 19 with an FDE frame and a extended threaded barrel. Before it was made a usable weapon, a cartoonish-looking compact-sized Glock was made available to Soldier Weinerbots in Update #46.
==Glock 22==
The Glock 22 is one of the available handguns in-game, added in Update #5; a version converted to fire in full-auto was added in a later update.
==Glock 41==
The Glock 41 was added in Update #105 Alpha 2, simply referred to as the "G41"; its inclusion means that, factoring out frame width, all but two of the main Glock sizes are available in H3 (i.e. standard, compact, and competition models are present, while subcompact and longslide models aren't).
=="Gluger"==
Stealth-added as a rare drop in Take & Hold and Meat Grinder, the "Gluger" is (as the name would imply) a hybrid of a Glock and a Luger - to be exact, it's a Glock 19 frame with a Luger P08 barrel, toggle system, and upper frame.
thumb|none|600px|The Gluger: a better Luger, or a worse Glock? You decide!
thumb|none|600px|A better look at the underside rail from the glock frame. One of the advantages of this gun over its also freakish brother, the Llock.
thumb|none|600px|The other advantage being its base magazine size is significantly larger; here we see a standard 15 round glock magazine inserted.
thumb|none|600px|Chambering the gun using the toggle lock.
thumb|none|600px|The main disadvantage are the tiny sights from the Luger...
thumb|none|600px|As well as the huge toggle lock disrupting the sight picture.
thumb|none|600px|The now empty Gluger, awaiting more carnage.
thumb|none|600px|As typical for Glock pistols, this Gluger can use any 9x19mm glock magazine, including the extended 33 rounder.
thumb|none|600px|...but why stop there with this abomination?
==GSh-18==
Alpha 1 of Update #94 added the GSh-18, as part of an effort to expand the game's previously rather limited selection of modern Russian handguns.
==Heckler & Koch Mark 23==
The fourth alpha of Update #85 added another long-requested handgun - the Heckler & Koch Mark 23, complete with its distinctive attachable LAM.
==Heckler & Koch SP5K==
One of the many Heckler & Koch MP5 variants added in Update #63, the SP5K is a civilian semi-auto-only variant of the MP5K, and can be considered a current-day equivalent to H&K's earlier SP89. H3VR is the first piece of media known to include the SP5K. It accounts for 4 of the update's 28 MP5 variants, all of which differ in stocks: the standard SP5K doesn't have one, the "SP5KA2" has a fixed stock, the "SP5KA3" has a collapsible stock, and the "SP5K Folding" has a PDW-style folding stock. These are relatively in keeping with standard MP5 naming conventions (though H&K isn't known to use the word "folding" in any of its firearm names), but are all fictional - the SP5K is intended for the US civilian market as a "pistol" (which is why it is on the H3VR pistol page, even though technically it is a compact carbine), and giving it a stock would make it subject to NFA regulations on short-barreled rifles; while a stocked SP5K could be created, it isn't a factory product, and anyone who created/purchased one would have to pay $200.00 USD to the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, and Explosives to own it.
==Heckler & Koch USP Match==
One of a pair of USPs added in Update #69, the Heckler & Koch USP Match adds to H3's pool of available .45s. The irony of a gun with a "six-inch" barrel being added in Update #69 may have been noted by those readers whose minds are in the gutter.
Update #87, which carried a general theme of Half-Life 2 (in part due to the release of Half-Life: Alyx a couple days prior), added an additional variant of the USP Match chambered in 9x19mm.
==Heckler & Koch USP Tactical==
Along with the USP Match, a Heckler & Koch USP Tactical was added in Update #69.
==Heckler & Koch VP9==
Another one of the gifts added on the 25th and final day of the Meatmas 2018 update event, the Heckler & Koch VP9 makes its video game debut in H3.
==Hi-Point CF380==
The Hi-Point CF380 was added on day 1 of Meatmas 2022, under the simple name "HPoint 380". Two variants were added: a standard variant, and the other was a "Tactical" variant with a bright pink camouflage (if it can really be called that) finish; while the latter may seem like nothing more than a joke, it is actually a legitimate factory-offered variant called the "CF380 Camo PI".
==Hudson H9==
The Hudson H9 was added in the full release of Update #105, under the name "HH9".
==Intratec TEC-9==
The Intratec TEC-9 is one of the game's available firearms; it has a rather strange "tacticool" orange paintjob. Initially, 2 versions were available - a standard semi-auto variant, and a variant converted to full-auto; Update #53 changed the latter into a converted Interdynamic KG-9, leaving only the standard semi-auto version. The semi-auto variant's model was then replaced with a more accurately-proportioned one in Update #105's first experimental build.
==Iver Johnson/Lyman Cobb Prototype==
The first experimental build of Update #105 brought a rare prototype pistol produced by Iver Johnson, based on a design patented by Lyman H. Cobb in 1911. Named the 'Cobb Pistol', this is rather obviously its first representation in media.
==IWI Uzi Pro==
Update #53 added an IWI Uzi Pro Pistol. True to its real-life nature, it is treated in-game as a semi-auto-only closed-bolt pistol, rather the machine pistol that it is sometimes assumed to be.
==Kel-Tec PMR-30==
The tenth gift added in the 2018 Meatmas update was the seldom-seen Kel-Tec PMR-30.
==Kimber Warrior==
Update #50 added a Kimber Warrior, fitted with non-standard grip panels, raised red illuminated iron sights, and a permanently-attached red dot sight, known as the "M1911A1 Tactical". The sixth alpha build of Update #52 added a further customized model, with a slide with milling cuts, a different slide-mounted RDS, and bone grips, called the "M1911A1 Operator".
==="M1911A1 Operator"===
==Kolibri Pistol==
The largest gift added in the 2018 Month Of Meatmas event was also the smallest (centerfire) pistol in existence, the diminutive Austro-Hungarian Kolibri Pistol. The pistol was added following a long series of community requests to add the pistol (dating back all the way to 2016); the acknowledged impossibility of adding the pistol (as its minuscule size would result in the player smacking their VR controllers together whenever they tried to, say, load it) led to asking for its inclusion becoming a running joke within the game's community. The version in-game took this joke to its logical conclusion; it is known as the "Kolibri9001", and is 10 times larger than normal, firing 27x90mm shells. Like the "Oversized" version of the M1911A1 added earlier, these proprietary shells are available in several exotic and unusual forms; also like the earlier artillery piece, the Kolibri9001 is modified for use by a normal-sized human being, being fitted with an M1911A1's lower frame and trigger in place of its own, and an underbarrel railed handguard seemingly based on that of an AR-15-pattern rifle, which has an integrated laser sight tucked into the center.
==Lahti L-35==
The Lahti L-35 was added in the third experimental build of Update #110.
=="Llock"==
A companion to the "Gluger" above, the "Llock" is also a rare drop in Take & Hold and Meat Grinder; as the name implies, it is the inverse of the Gluger, with a Glock 19 slide and barrel on a Luger P08 frame.
thumb|none|600px|The Yin to the Gluger's Yang... or maybe a better comparison is the Frankenstein to the Gluger's Frankenstein's Bride.
thumb|none|600px|From above, you can see that the Glock slide isn't flush with the Luger frame's rear. One of the accommodations needed to make this masterpiece of a weapon possible is positioning the slide where it can chamber and extract rounds in the correct place.
thumb|none|600px|From below, you can see that the barrel is completely exposed as the slide only covers the top portion.
thumb|none|600px|Loading an eight round Luger magazine.
thumb|none|600px|Chambering the first round. You can see the slide's grip serrations are completely blocked by the luger frame; how one is supposed to grip the slide IRL is anyone's guess.
thumb|none|600px|Aiming down the Llock's far more useable sights, compared to the Gluger.
thumb|none|600px|Firing the Llock. No toggles obstructing the sight picture, so that's one in favor for the Llock.
thumb|none|600px|The now empty Llock. From this angle, you can see just how much of the frame overlaps with the slide.
thumb|none|600px|Like the Luger, the Llock is able to use a 32-round snaildrum.
thumb|none|600px|And like the Gluger, it looks absolutely cursed when fully modded out.
==Luger P08==
The Luger P08 is another handgun option in-game, added through Update #47.
==Luger LP08 "Artillery"==
Update #52 added 3 additional Luger variants, the first of which being the Luger LP08 "Artillery", also known as the "Artillery Luger". The in-game weapon is missing the tangent rear sight, instead having a standard P08 one.
==Makarov PM==
The fourth alpha build of Update #76 added another much-requested firearm, the Makarov PM. By default it (correctly) uses an 8-round single-stack magazine, though Update #90 added an optional 80-round drum.
==Makarov PMM==
Update #100 Alpha 3 added the Makarov PMM with a twelve round magazine. This model comes with an integrated laser sight attached to the trigger guard.
==Mauser C96==
Update #43 introduced the Mauser C96 to the game. The weapon holds 10 rounds of the 7.63x25mm Mauser cartridge (which, like some in the game, was added before there were any weapons that could use them), and can be reloaded round-by-round or with a 10-round stripper clip. Update #105's first alpha build added the "NoClipper", a "Pistool" (essentially a gun-shaped development/sandbox tool) which is rather closely based on a C96; this was likely chosen due to the actual C96's use of stripper clips. As the name implies, it functions similarly to the "noclip" command present in many games, dragging the user in the direction it is "fired" with no regard whatsoever for the presence of solid objects in their path.
==="NoClipper"===
==Mauser M712 Schnellfeuer==
In a similar vein to its 3 extra Luger variants, Update #52 brought along 3 variants of the Mauser C96, the first being a Mauser M712 Schnellfeuer machine pistol.
==Mk 22 Mod 0 "Hush Puppy"==
The Mk 22 Mod 0 "Hush Puppy", a long-requested variation of the Smith & Wesson 39 used by US special forces during the Cold War, was added in Update #82; the update itself was themed around noise, with its other additions including a pair of improvised suppressors (one made of a soda bottle, and another made from an oil filter), and several decidedly less subtle attachments (including a gramophone-esque "loudener" attachment, a bicycle horn and bell, and a foregrip made out of an airhorn).
==Moses Brothers Self-Defense Engine Frontier Model B==
Unlocked as a reward, the "Frontier Model B" is a precise replica of Captain Malcom's gun from Serenity and Firefly. While the original prop was actually a Taurus Model 85 in a multi-part casing meant to make it look like a semi-automatic, magazine-fed handgun, in-game it is just that - a magazine-fed, semi-automatic handgun that holds 6 rounds (plus one in the chamber) of the proprietary .36 Moses cartridge.
=="Pistol"==
One of the firearms added in the "Meat Fortress" update (an officially-licensed crossover with Team Fortress 2), the "Pistol" is a duplicate of the one from TF2, being a mix of Walther PPK (ejection port, grip panels, lower gripframe) and Makarov PM (slide, trigger, upper frame) with a Smith & Wesson Model 61 Escort-esque rounded trigger guard. Of note is that the original model was largely static (with only the magazine being an actual moving part), forcing gamedev Anton Hand to rework the model for use with H3's firearm systems. Of note is that the "Pistol", along with all the other Meat Fortress weapons, are not classified based on their actual weapon type; instead, they occupy a special "Meat Fort" class in the in-game item spawner.
==="Backfielder"===
Added in Update #103, the Backfielder is a variant of the Meat Fortress pistol, featuring a non-removable stock and the ability to fire in three-round bursts. In addition, an extended eighteen-round magazine was added that's compatible with both firearms.
==PL-14 Lebedev==
Alpha 1 of Update #94 added the PL-14 Lebedev, accompanying the above GSh-18 as part of an effort to expand the game's once-meager selection of modern Russian handguns.
==PSS Silent Pistol==
Added in Alpha 3 of Update #114, the "Vulture" is a Meat Fortress stylized version of the PSS Silent Pistol; interestingly, this makes it the only Meat Fortress weapon with a direct real-world basis to not have said basis in the game. It chambers the fictional "10.1mm SHhhhhhh" round (spelled exactly as such in-game), and feeds from an appropriate 6-round magazine.
==Roth-Steyr M1907==
The Roth-Steyr M1907 was added in Update #105 Experimental Build 1.
==Ruby Pistol==
The Ruby Pistol was added in Alpha 3 of Update #94. It is the semi-auto equivalent of the earlier-added UNION machine pistol, though the two do not have cross-compatible magazines. The Ruby was mistakenly placed in the Machine Pistols category; this was fixed shortly after.
thumb|none|600px|The Ruby Pistol; apparently this pistol had already been fully coded for a year, but was forgotten about until now. Better late than never, I guess.
thumb|none|600px|Reverse side of the Ruby.
thumb|none|600px|Inserting the eight round magazine into the pistol.
thumb|none|600px|After a year of waiting, the little pistol is finally ready to take out its pent up frustrations on the nearest target.
thumb|none|600px|That target being, a big orange fuel canister. Fortunately it's not too far away, as the Ruby's tiny sights make distance shooting a challenge.
thumb|none|600px|Take that, conveniently positioned and dangerously explosive metallic cylinder!
thumb|none|600px|After emptying the entire magazine into the canister, it finally starts to catch fire. The little .32 ACP pistol walks away, defeated.
thumb|none|600px|Seeking consultation with its big brother, the Ruby realizes that despite being based on the same design, it cannot use its bigger brother's 35-round magazine. Though to be fair, the Ruby itself was made by 50 different manufacturers, and oftentimes they weren't interchangeable with each other either.
thumb|none|600px| Seeking comfort elsewhere, the Ruby discovers another new addition to the game, the Chuwungus suppressor (yes it's actually called the Chuwungus, stop laughing).
thumb|none|600px|Even after shrinking down to fit the Ruby's barrel, the Chuwungus is still bigger than the Ruby.
thumb|none|600px|Fortunately, the top of the Chuwungus is just low enough for the Ruby's sights to be (barely) useable.
==Ruger Mk III==
The Ruger Mk III is one of the available firearms in-game; it was added in Update #5, and was, until the release of Update #56, the only weapon in the game chambered in .22 Long Rifle. Notably, its magazine safety (a system that prevents the pistol from firing if no magazine is inserted) is correctly simulated in-game.
==Ruger Mk IV==
Update #59's ninth alpha build added the Ruger Mk IV, an improved version of the Mk III with a simplified disassembly procedure. 2 versions were added: a stainless Hunter model with high-contrast illuminated sights, and a Standard model with a custom integrated suppressor, known as the "Whisper" variant. As with the earlier Mk III, the Mk IVs both have simulated magazine safeties.
===Whisper===
==Seburo Compact-eXploder==
Update #57 added one firearm, the Compact-eXploder machine pistol, made by Japanese science fiction mangaka Masamune Shirow's fictional arms company Seburo. In-game, the weapon is referred to as the "SCX" (i.e. Seburo Compact-eXploder), and fires the 4.6x30mm HK round (its caliber never being specified in the original source material).
==Seburo M-5==
The Seburo M-5 was added as part of the Meatmas 2023 update. It is the second firearm to be added based on Ghost in the Shell, and the first to be chambered in 5.45x18mm.
==SIG P210==
The SIG P210 was added in Experimental build 1 of Update #111. Three different variants were added; the original P210-1 model, the P210-5 Target model, and the P210-6 model with a conversion kit to chamber it in .22LR. This conversion kit is used in real life for training models.
===SIG P210-5 Target===
===SIG P210-6 Target===
==SIG-Sauer P226R==
The first alpha build of Update #90 was one that'd been requested for quite some time: a SIG-Sauer P226R, known in-game as the "P226 Mk 25" (the US Navy-issued version), with 15- and 20-round magazines available.
==SIG-Sauer P250 Compact==
The compact version of the SIG-Sauer P250 is one of the available firearms in-game. It has a two-tone finish, is chambered in .45 ACP, and was added in Update #5.
==SilencerCo Maxim 9==
The final build of Update #97 added a SilencerCo Maxim 9, dubbed the "Max9" in-game.
==Smith & Wesson 41==
The Smith & Wesson 41 was added in the Meatmas 2023 update, in three variations - a standard (i.e. suffixless) variant with a 7" barrel and factory compensator, a "Heavy" variant with a later-pattern heavy-profile 5" barrel, and a "Tactical" variant with Performance Center upgrades (different grips, high-profile sights, and a barrel with a top Picatinny rail for mounting optics). 10- and 12-round magazines are also available.
==Stechkin APS==
Alpha #6 of Update #100 added the oft-requested Stechkin APS, along with some special attachments for it.
==Steyr M1912==
Added in the third alpha of Update #85, the Steyr M1912 expands H3's roster of clip-fed pistols, and is one of only two firearms in the game chambered in 9x23mm Steyr (the other one of which, added concurrently, is below).
==Steyr Anschlagpistole M.12==
The Anschlagpistole M.12, the select-fire machine pistol variant of the above Steyr M1912, was added concurrently with the former in Update #85's third alpha build. It is labelled in the game as the "M1912/P.16", an oft-quoted-but-incorrect designation (short for "Patrone 16", in reference to its 16-round capacity). It is permanently fitted with a stock (as, unlike most pistol stocks, the M1912's wraps around the entire grip, making even the game's version of interchangeability unfeasible), and features the appropriate 16-round extended fixed magazine. The stock lacks the butt pad that was present on the real Anschlagpistole M.12.
==STI Staccato P==
The Staccato P variant of STI's 2011 series of pistols was added in Update #101 on Meatmas day; it is referred to in-game as the "ST2111".
==Tokarev TT-33==
The Tokarev TT-33 is one of the available firearms in-game. It was the first "real" handgun added (barring the fictitious "Cyber Pistol"), and predates H3's release altogether; it was one of the few weapons included in the very first early access build of the game. Update #77's 1st alpha build replaced the earlier re-finished model with a newer, older-looking one.
==USFA ZiP .22==
The USFA ZiP .22 was added on Day 7 of the Meatmas 2022 Advent calendar event. Both a standalone version and an “underbarrel” variant with a female Picatinny attachment point on top of the receiver were added; amusingly enough, the latter was an actual product offered by USFA.
==Walther P5 Compact==
The Walther P5 Compact with wooden grips was added on Day 3 of the Meatmas 2020 Advent Calendar event.
thumb|none|600px|One thing you'll notice right away is that the ejection cutout on the slide is on the right side instead of the left. This is standard for all P5 models.
thumb|none|600px|On the right side you can read the engraving "Made in Germany." This specific model was likely manufactured post-reunification, as originally they were made in West Germany.
thumb|none|600px|Loading in an eight round magazine.
thumb|none|600px|As mentioned before, because the gun ejects to the left, it takes some getting used to for right-handed shooters when checking to see if any rounds are chambered.
thumb|none|600px|Taking aim at an Elf Junkbot.
thumb|none|600px|One junkbot down, and you can see the empty casing fly off to the left.
thumb|none|600px|With a now-empty P5, one can really appreciate the design of this little gun.
==Walther P22==
Update #58 added a two-toned Walther P22 pistol.
==Walther P38==
The Walther P38 was added in the 11th alpha of Update #52.
==Walther P38K==
Along with the full-size variant, the short-barreled Walther P38K was added in Update #52's 11th alpha.
==Walther PPK==
The Walther PPK was added to the game with the release of the 1st Meatmas update.
==Webley & Scott Mk I==
The 19th day of Meatmas 2018 brought along a Webley & Scott Mk I autoloading pistol.
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