My Little Pony Fan Theory

Okay, so I've been sitting on a fan theory for literally years that draws on all of my understanding of politics and Chinese history, and it's a friggin' doozy.
So first of all, Equestria, the land where My Little Pony takes place, is clearly some warped form of the United States (Fillydelphia, Manehattan, Los Pegasus), with some remnants of other countries mentioned as well (Saddle Arabia, ponies from places like Canterlot and Trottingham with English accents).
Please pause to zoom in on the map below and enjoy a large number of pony puns that some of the sharpest minds in Hollywood worked very hard on.
Now, you might say that this looks nothing like the world as we know it, and that this cannot possibly be our world. But that's where the genetically modified geoengineering ponies come in.
Clearly, these ponies are derived from our modern ponies. Their carts, saddles, saddlebags, horseshoes, all their horse accouterments are all derived from what we use both with horses and ourselves, while their architecture and general aesthetic is a pastel, slightly more equine-oriented version of, like, Bavaria.
There are three castes/subspecies of pony, all of which can interbreed and produce either parent's race as offspring: unicorns, which are the only type of pony that can use magic, pegasuses, which can fly, help control the weather, and are the most military-oriented (I know that's just the name of the one winged horse from Greek mythology rather than winged horses in general, but that's what they're called), and earth ponies, which have neither magic nor flight but are particularly attuned to the earth and to interpersonal relationships rather than abstract pursuits.
Those who have received something of an education in the classics may notice that this resembles a couple things.
But not just the western models of Plato's Republic, as we'll see, this society is actually basically a feminist, generally egalitarian version of the Confucian model:
So the earth ponies are largely the peasants and merchants, the unicorns are the scholars and nobility, and the pegasi serve as warriors, couriers, chariot-taxi drivers, and most importantly to help manage the weather. Mesoamericans and other societies had similar structures, too:
And most interestingly, at the top of this pony pyramid (ponymid?) is an apparently immortal Socratic/Confucian philosopher-god-queen who rules through friendship (以仁治国）.
I'm not kidding.
You'll notice that she has both a horn and wings, referred to as an alicorn. She and her sister-goddess, Luna, are basically the rulers of the sun and moon, responsible for moving the celestial bodies and maintaining harmony in both heaven and earth. In European medieval terms, they are the microcosm AND the macrocosm; in traditional pagan Chinese or Greek terms, they're both philosopher-kings AND the gods they would pray and sacrifice to for good harvests and freedom from natural disasters.
Then there's the fact that you apparently advance in through the social thaumocracy through a system of written, meritocratic standardized tests...
There are more alicorns than just these two, but according to the show you must "earn your alicorn wings" by some great feat of worthy of being made a princess. For the main character, Twilight Sparkle (yes, that is her real name: her title is the Princess of Friendship and they all take it very seriously; this show is worth watching just to hear grown men say "Thank you for saving us, Twilight Sparkle" about once per episode), her wings were earned by restoring her friends to their correct identities and fate after their "cutie marks", images displayed on each pony's rump that both reflect and define that pony's strengths and personality, had been thrown into chaos by attempting to perform a spell that had been sent to her by her god-empress for this very reason.
This and other evidence shows that Celestia has long been attempting to groom Twilight as a protege, successor, or lieutenant to rule over some new land or otherwise secure her rule. Anyway, after succeeding in this divine task, a sort of Confucian-Buddhist attempt to "call things by their true names" (正名) and restore the natural order, she is awarded a pair of wings and the title of "Princess of Friendship", using what Confucius would refer to as 'benevolence'/仁 to create harmony 和谐 and maintain and expand a peaceful society of friendship, referred to in the Confucian tradition as 大同社会，a Society of Great Unity. She wins over more than half of the villains to her side through friendship, especially those which are ponies or biologically similar to ponies, and kicks the rest out beyond pony lands.
Now, let's start putting things together. This bizarre matriarchal Socratic/Confucian utopia somehow evolved from apparently a mostly American stock of horses? What?
Look at the abilities and roles of the ponies. Weather is manufactured in the pegasus city of Cloudsdale, where it is distributed across Equestria (not the entire world, just settled pony territory)
and it can be controlled by the pegasi, with the assistance of some unicorn magic. The change of seasons actually occurs manually as shown in Winter Wrap-up and other events like the Running of the Leaves. According to their roles and abilities, each pony helps clean up snow, break up ice, wake up hibernating animals, etc., or run in a footrace which serves to shake the ground and allow leaves to fall to earth.
Side note that this parallels the Confucian and more general pagan tradition of using rituals 礼, mostly based around key points in the agricultural calendar, to regulate society and ensure wealth, stability, and good harvests.
The difference being that you cannot neglect or corrupt these rituals, as you could in Confucian China, which would be a sign of dynastic decline or collapse; in Equestria you must actively and rather democratically participate in the engagement of your community and the continuation of the harvest cycle or starve. Politically speaking, it's brilliant, and is backed up by a meritocratic layer of standardized tests, as in medieval China.
However, not all the world works like this. The interestingly named Everfree Forest, right next to a major pony village, is mentioned in the first episode to have naturally occurring weather, which terrifies the main cast, and the polar Crystal Empire is kept temperate by the use of a magic crystal, the destruction of which brings on a massive snowstorm which not even the two god-empresses can fight back (although looking back they may have been faking this for political reasons? Long story).
So what the hell happened to the Earth? The logical answer is geoengineering, Or biogeoengineering, I guess. The human manipulation of animals to change the natural environment and fix the climate. Basically Planet of the Apes but in response to global warming and with magic/nanotech.
By the mid-late 21st century or so, the world's climate had grown out of control. The only solution was the use of extensive technologies to govern this. However, humans could not be trusted to rule their own planet. Thus, the ponies were created as a docile means of controlling the weather, socially regulating a globally integrated world through friendships and positive interpersonal interactions, and also opening up new territories like the Crystal Empire (Siberia/the Yukon/Antarctica) for human settlement. Celestia's immortality may be derived from her being the AI/matriarchal overseer organism originally intended to keep the whole system in check.
However, something backfired. All the humans died and the earth became twisted and warped to the point of being unrecognizable. The earliest point of depicted pony/world history is basically a long, impoverished ice age and period of social division if not outright civil war. Pony society had been broken along caste lines, possibly a defense mechanism built in by humans if they ever rose up, and only after a small band came together out of desperation to form a farming community was Equestria formed.
Interestingly, this pre-unity society may not have even been violent, and their dystopia may basically have been a society like our present day. "the Earth ponies grew food, and in payment for providing weather, the Pegasi demanded some of the food. The Unicorns also demanded payment for magically raising the sun and moon. None of the tribes cared what happened to each other. This fragile relationship continues until a large blizzard comes along causing a food shortage." That's not a dystopia, from our perspective, that's just modern capitalism. And I suspect that blizzard may actually have been Celestia herself, or been sent by her, to serve as a unifying political force to establish her kingdom and rule over her subjects through harmony and unity against common foes.
Flash forward to the time of the series, where Celestia is ruling over a sizable, peaceful, idyllic society, but her sister has been exiled to the moon for a thousand years for having tried to stop the natural cycle of day and night so everyone would appreciate her work instead of sleeping through it. Celestia just happens to assign Twilight to a town extremely near where Luna will return and where the magical artifacts and living incarnations of aspects of friendship that Twilight needs to defeat her are located.
Celestia also just happens to have the only other alicorn known to exist, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, "just call me Cadance because it's never quite mentioned what I'm the princess of but Celestia is clearly at least culturally colonizing us", who served as Twilight's friggin' babysitter in spite of the fact that Twilight is apparently a commoner, married to Twilight's brother, an influential member of the soldier caste and one of the only male characters who seems to have any power in this matriarchal world (which makes sense; equine social groups are largely hierarchical herds of females with one dominant male if any, while the males mostly hang out by themselves or in small groups elsewhere and meet up only to mate and fight. If Equestrian society wasn't matriarchal, it would be a lot more chaotic, as shown by the militaristic patriarchal Crystal Emprie plotline).
Twilight's brother and Princess Cadance then give birth to the world's first recorded naturally born alicorn. Celestia is essentially trying to groom/breed an even greater empire. During the plot of the series, she also annexes the Crystal Empire after it had come under the rule of a slavish tyrant and had subsequently been defeated and disappeared for a thousand years, and gives it to Cadance and Twilight's brother to rule.
Celestia doesn't use violence, except in self-defense, and even those actions of self-defense are rarely what defeats her enemies. She conquers her conquerors with culture and benevolence, in the Chinese historical narrative tradition. She acts indirectly and maintains her throne, the legitimacy to sit upon it (the Mandate of Heaven, in Chinese terms), and the support of her people by being the living embodiment of friendship and compassion.
And any time anyone deviates from this pattern of friendship by engaging in aggression, there's either a monster attack that represents that emotion, and the state and the friendships that hold it together are strengthened by the act of defeating that monster, or someone intervenes and wins over the attacker by making a friend. Their magic and power are derived from their friendships and are strengthened by them.
It is not an infinite empire—Celestia's rule apparently extends more or less to the territories where the weather is controllable and ponies are the "mane" ethnicity. This actually fits Chinese political history pretty well—China was historically whatever arable temperate territories were populated by the Han and their allies/subjects/rulers. But Celestia is gradually expanding her territory and her influence elsewhere, and eliminating potential hostility among her neighbors (like Yakyakistan).
Celestia can't be overthrown. Every act of rebellion or aggression strengthens her and her supporters and wins new friends or resolves latent social issues (e.g. Tempest being abandoned by her childhood friends, in the movie). She may groom a successor for when she eventually dies and ascends to true godhood, but she's the perfect philosopher-queen ruling over an idyllic society, and she always will be unless she fails to uphold the magical friendships that keep everything together.
This is assuming the story is being told by a reliable narrator. If not, it's the equivalent of North Korean propaganda. If it is, it's the first depiction of a truly workable utopia I've ever seen, and very rare for being a long-term functional matriarchy that isn't basically a joke about the sexes or hollow male fantasy.
It's an eternal empire governed by respect, emotion, and genuine social bonds, the way Confucius says should be done, but without the belittling patriarchal hierarchy or the inevitable corruption and hypocrisy, yet also with a lot of sneaky statecraft behind the scenes. Watching this show while interpreting everything Celestia is doing in the background as a manipulative if benevolent attempt to expand her political influence totally changes everything about the show, and provides some really cool ways of thinking about society and life in general. As a sinologist, it also informs my study of eastern philosophies. If Star Wars is a simplified western drama of the conflict between Daoism and Legalism, then My Little Pony is the story of a matriarchal Confucian utopia.
And their friendships are just so magical, you guys.
At the same time, I really hope that the series finale is about a human astronaut falling to earth after experiencing over a thousand years of time dilation, and that this is the final scene:
Twilight: "I'm sorry...I never knew."
The Last Human: "It doesn't matter now...those maniacs! They blew it all to hell. God."
Twilight: "But you have us now. And we'll always be your friends."
The Last Human: "In the end, I suppose that's all we have. Thank you, Twilight Sparkle. You're my best friend. My last friend left in the world."
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