Ghost for Sale

Recently my grandson bought me a computer, he explained to me how just about everything was done by computers nowadays. It was a nice gesture, but I was quite reluctant at first to learn how it worked. It just seemed like such a hassle. After all, I still have a telephone and I still get the mail and a news paper every day. What did I need one of these for? He insisted though and took the time to teach me everything, and I've gotten quite good at it too.  
In learning how to navigate the Google, I've heard many wonderful tales of people purchasing items that have been "cursed" or "haunted" over the internet, this made me curious. What a wonderful thing is the internet. Being a collector of all things "paranormal" or relating to the occult I just had to see for myself.
I tried the website "e-bay," this was my first time ever using such a site and I found many things, too many to count even, but nothing of real interest. Most of the items I had encountered were film props and the search had gone on for pages. This was no good, I needed a new outlet so I decided to enter into an "online forum" this was a great deal of fun.
Here I spoke with many people with the same interests as myself. Each of these people had been a self-proclaimed occult relic collector. None of them have been a part of the sport as myself however. I remember a time before computers, I've traveled to numerous "haunting grounds" and "ritual sites" just to find the pieces in my collection today. Why, I even became an ordained exorcist just so I might have the pleasure of collecting the relics and essences of the possessed. I digress. I am getting on in age now and spent a great deal of time confined to my home. My days of adventure have long since passed.
I spent a good deal of time swapping stories with some very nice people, but I've yet to find the solution to my dilemma. I decided to stick around the forums for just a bit longer to see if they might herald any new results and to my pleasant surprise they did. I spoke to a young gentleman collector who recommended to me a site by the name of "craig's list." He told me a story of how he had recently purchased a cauldron used many years ago by a powerful practitioner of the dark arts from there.
"What a find!" I thought to myself.
I decided to take a look at "Craig's list," which I had some trouble finding at first (It is all one word for any of you having the same dilemma). It took me a moment to figure out just how to navigate the site, but when I clicked the search engine I was amazed at what I found. Did you know you could even find a hot date on these sites? My grandson was right when he said that everything is being done by the computers now.  
I finally narrowed my search down to what it was that I was looking for. You see, there are actually a great number of ways to exercise a spirit that is haunting your house. One of these ways is through "capture and release." However there are a great number of people who collect these spirits. That is, they capture them with no intention of releasing them.
I may have already mentioned that I am getting on in age, but my family does not visit often, most of them have families of their own now, and sadly many of my friends have long since passed. There are times when it gets lonesome around here and I know that I've not long for this world. I don't want to inconvenience anyone with my lengthy stories, so now I seek companionship in one with an eternity of time to spare.
My search had almost been in vain, that is, had it not been for page eight. I came across an article that read:
"Ghost for sale."
There was a small image on the side of what would look like to those uninformed as a simple empty jar. The price below was a mere ninety-nine cents. The internet truly is a marvelous invention.  I grabbed my cane and ran for my wallet on the night stand in my room. I entered my credit number and with the click of a button that was it. I had found what I was looking for and it was being shipped to my house.
One week later the mail arrived and with it, my package. As quickly as it came, I brought it into the house and tore the packaging open. Inside was the very same small glass jar from the web article. It was no larger than a jar of jelly. More excited than a kid on Christmas, I undid the latches of the jar and awaited the introduction of my new companion. In fact, I continued to wait and there was nothing. The day passed and I felt no presence but my own. I've never felt as alone as I did in that moment. The disappointment was heart breaking.
Let it be known that I carried on the rest of my days collecting artifacts just as I had always done. I never gave up hope on the internet and even came across an incredible find or two, here and there. All of this nonsense with the supposed ghost I had purchased has only served to teach me a lesson.
If you are reading this, I have passed on and my will has been recognized. This article should be published under the title "Ghost for sale" and it should be priced at only ninety-nine cents.
I provided great company and I can promise you'll never have to feel the same chilling emptiness that I felt on that day.
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