Jesús Koch

(/xeˈsus/ "heh-SOOS") is a lineup player for the Broken Ridge Jazz Hands, and has been with the team since Fall Ball. Koch has played for the Canada Moist Talkers, Philly Pies, San Francisco Lovers, and Yellowstone Magic.
==Official League Records==
Koch joined the ILB as a lineup player for the Canada Moist Talkers with .
At the end of , Koch was affected by the Decree, resulting in a change in stats.
===Scorpler's Jacket===
During the , Koch was given Mclaughlin Scorpler's Memorial Fireproof Jacket via the blessing. The jacket was previously owned (very briefly) by Mclaughlin Scorpler, who received it and immediately lost it during the . The Jacket makes Koch , and thus, immune to incineration. (The Jacket would later be lost, along with all other Discipline Era items across the league, at the beginning of .)
During the Coffee Cup, Koch played for the Light & Sweet Electric Co. as a lineup player.
During the , Koch gained the modification as a result of the blessing.
During the , Koch received the Legendary from the blessing of the same name, becoming . 
During , Koch moved to the Philly Pies, San Francisco Lovers, Moist Talkers, and Yellowstone Magic before placing The Fifth Base in Tastycake Stadium on Day 38.
During the , Koch gained the modification as a result of the blessing.
During the December 9, 2022 Fall Ball, Koch fell to the Breckenridge Jazz Hands.
==History==
===Nicknames===
The Original Koch was known to give himself several nicknames during events, using his bat as a microphone, which amplified his voice. He could be heard whispering encouraging mantras into the handle of his bat as he prepared his swings. It is disputed whether Koch realized this was audible. At a charity fundraiser following the Season 2 shutout game against the Hades Tigers, a seven-year old child dared Koch to list every single nickname in chronological order, which they promptly completed on-the-spot.
Nicknames include, but are not limited to: Coach Koch, Truest Jesús't, Koch Got Your Tongue, Loose Jesús, The Jesús'st with the Moistest, Slippy, Other-side, Wetfoot, Dampsock, Nickname King, The Jaden Smith of Blaseball, The Willow Smith of Blaseball, Captain "Cap" Anti-Cap, The Killer Hitter, Kid with a Comet In His Hands, The Anti-Meteorite, They Who Face The Blaseball, Mx. Respect the Receptacle, Clinch Hitter No-Quitter, Jesús-3000, Outkast Stan, Aquaman but Reverse, Kochlear Cavity, Talkin' Chuy, Babe Ruth-But-Hot, The Word, Grandest Slammest.
==Alternate Reality Switch==
At the end of Season 4, the Original Koch was one of the players affected by the ███████ ███████ event and as a result was replaced with another version of themselves from an alternate reality. This individual, hailing from the Frigid Hush, the home team of the Tundra Sector of ██████████████, was significantly different from the original Koch. Whereas Original Koch's general demeanor was one of extroversion, the Alternate Koch is much more reserved. Additionally, Alternate Koch seems to be consistently haunted by the ghost of their deceased teammate Tyler Violet. It is speculated that this might be due to the absence of Ziwa Mueller in Alternate Koch's original reality but it has not been confirmed.
==Scorpler's Jacket==
After the events of Ruby Tuesday, the Hades Tigers gifted the Moist Talkers Mclaughlin Scorpler's jacket in solidarity over the losses both teams suffered. Originally, it was believed that the jacket would be worn by Greer Lott as they had claimed "dibs" on "any cool stuff" the team received. However, after a team vote it was decided that Koch would receive it. When asked about the bequeathal, Ziwa Mueller stated that "Ever since the swap Jesús has been a bit of an outsider. After all the... stuff that’s happened they never really got a chance to feel welcome so hopefully this helps a bit."  Despite their initial apprehension, Koch eventually claimed that the jacket "felt right" despite multiple instances where they had to be treated for arachnid related stings and injuries from lingering traces of Scorpler.
Before being purged by the Blaseball Management, Koch’s jacket had begun to accumulate patches given to him by his teammates in an attempt to make Koch feel a greater sense of ownership over the Jacket. Known patches that were attached to the jacket include: 
*Koch’s Jacket (Reportedly given to Koch by York Silk)
*Foxy Grandpa (Reportedly given to Koch by Greer Lott)
*Certified Sugar Mama (Reportedly given to Koch by Jenkins Good)
*MLG PRO Subscribe to xX_CV_SOGGERS_Xx.ttv (Clearly given by Commissioner Vapor)
===Time with the Moist Talkers===
After coming to terms with the anxieties he had being compared to the “original Jesús”, Koch found a role on the team as the close friend and pseudo-caretaker of Commissioner Vapor and York Silk. Dubbed the “Teen Squad” by the rest of the team, despite Koch being older than the other two, the three lived in a shared apartment which they were able to find thanks to the help of Polkadot Patterson. There Koch began to widen his horizons and engage in more hobbies outside of the Blaseball diamond.
Joining Teammate Cedric Spliff on multiple outings Koch picked up an interest in both needle felting and dice moulding after discovering he had exceptional finger dexterity. Additionally, during long term siestas, Koch has been seen acting as an assistant Blaseball coach for former teammate Ortiz Morse’s Blittle league team. Reportedly, Koch has earned the nickname “Uncle Coke" after multiple Blittle league players mistakenly mispronounced his name.
After the incineration and subsequent revival of teammate and close friend York Silk, Koch began to return to previous patterns of self isolation, this was exacerbated by his extended time spent in Elsewhere which he refuses to comment on publicly. Eventually with the support of his teammates and fellow “Teen squad” member Commissioner Vapor, Koch was able to return to his position on the team and confront teammate York Silk about the emotional gap that had seemingly formed between them. However before the two were able to reconcile Silk was transferred to the Seattle Garages. Reports indicate the two have not spoken since this transfer.
==Roamin' to Yellowstone==
After roamin' to the Yellowstone Magic on the Super Roamin' Fifth Base, Koch became fast friends with many members of the team. He quickly grew close with Bonk Jokes, who preceded him in the lineup. Jokes dared him to drop the fifth base in the Pies stadium as a prank. Koch followed through, leaving the base and his travelling days behind him.
Though his decision to quit roamin' was perhaps an impulsive one, Koch didn't regret it. Settling down in Yellowstone felt right. He bonded with his teammates (including Curry Aliciakeyes and Tiana Wheeler) over pranks and weird food choices, and even taught Bonk Jokes to party. He became a counselor at Spell Scout Summer Camp, where he led canoe trips and swim lessons.
Despite the weak cell signal in the park, Koch kept in touch with the friends he made in Halifax, especially Commissioner Vapor.  He also continued to stream video games whenever he could.
==Trivia==
*Koch is a skilled breakdancer. This skill was first shown in a livestream broadcast by Commissioner Vapor wherein Vapor asked Koch to “do something cool”. It is to this day still Vapor’s most watched stream.
*Koch insists that he is only slightly shorter than Commissioner Vapor, making him one of the tallest members of the team. This claim has been disputed following the multiple infusions of Greer Lott and the Return of Richmond Harrison in Season 17.
==Fan Works==
File:Jesús Koch 2.jpg|Season 4 card, by 
File:JesusKoch by smorzando.png|Season 5 card, by smorzando
File:Alternate-Jesus.png|Season 5 card by 
File:Alternate-Jesus-Tundra.png|Season 5 Alternate Reality card by 
File:Jesús Koch V2.jpg|Jesus Koch V2
File:Jesús Koch icon.jpg|Jesús Koch icon by @mackinithappen
File:Sad anime profile picture Jesús.jpg|Sad anime pfp @mackinithappen
File:Teen Squad Big Zucc.jpg|Big Zucc snapchat by @mackinithappen
File:Teen Squad.jpg|Before the championship by @mackinithappen
File:Jesús Koch and York Silk in Elsewhere.jpg|Meeting York in Elsewhere by @mackinithappen
File:Jesús Koch Comic.jpg|Comic by @mackinithappen
File:Moist Talkers Zine - The Teen Squad.jpg|Zine piece by @mackinithappen
File:On the town.jpeg|On the town by @mackinithappen
File:Daleween.jpeg|Daleween submission by @mackinithappen
File:QuestingKoch.jpg|Roaming Koch by Avery Helm
File:Scorpler and Jesús.jpg|alt=Jesús Koch and the spirit of Mclaughlin Scorpler have a conversation. Jesús is a fish hybrid person and Scorpler is a guy made out of scorpions wearing the Drive jacket. Text reads: Well, kid, ya blew it. Picked up a cursed item, now your whole life is gonna change. The good thing is--you're not the first shmuck to ever do it.|Jesús Koch and the spirit of Mclaughlin Scorpler have a conversation. Art by Tigrishades
File:Jesuskoch gaymaul.png|Jesús Koch by @gaymaul
File:JesúsKoch Tlopps Fall Ball.png|A Tlopps card of Jesús Koch, by .
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Category:Original Players
Category:Light & Sweet Electric Co.