Dr. Mario

Tony Sanchez was a rather normal 12-year old boy. He liked watching
baseball and eating pizza, and above all else, making new friends at other
children's birthday parties.  The problem
was that he didn't have very many friends, so that meant very few parties for
him. He was a rather lonely little boy, so he compensated by talking to his
stuffed animals... and sometimes, they talked back to him.
Now, just like any other doting parent would feel, Tony's mother
was deeply concerned by her son's behavior. She kept herself awake day and
night trying to deduce how she could make her son more sociable, but the
talking to stuffed animals seemed to be too much of a demon for Tony to
conquer.
When all seemed lost, she thought about her son's all-time
favorite past-time: playing his 8-bit NES, or Nintendo Entertainment System.
She knew that video games kept him happy and occupied, and helped him forget
that his brother died in a freak pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey accident at his
best friend's Christmas Eve bash.
So, Mrs. Sanchez bought a game entitled 'Dr. Mario' off of
eBay. Nothing was suspicious about it. The price tag was somewhere around five
and three-quarters dollars--not $6.66, or some other suspicious number. The
cartridge was in perfectly fine outer physical shape, and the listing
adequately described the game. An arcade-style action puzzler in which Super
Mario dressed up in a doctor's suit and dropped pills to create color
combinations to eliminate viruses. Seemed innocuous enough.
When Mrs. Sanchez allowed Tony to open the cardboard box,
she expected him to squeal with delight, grab the cartridge, pop it into his
game system, absentmindedly blow into the cartridge when it didn't load (all that
does is damage the cart), pour alcohol into it after calling the Nintendo
hotline for advice, and then, get the game goin', squealing with delight again
at all the beautiful colors and control of dropping the pills down and
sideways.
Instead... he screamed in horror.
"What's wrong with you!?", shouted Mrs. Sanchez.
She knew her son had some sort of developmental challenge, but screaming at an
NES game did not fit the disorder description.
"Sparky says no.", Tony replied. Sparky was Tony's
stuffed polka-dotted aardvark, who he hugged and cherished more than almost
anything else.
"What does Sparky not like about it?", Mrs.
Sanchez prompted gently. She realized that being vicious with the child would probably
only further persuade him that there was something horribly wrong with the experience
of receiving a game cartridge.
"Sparky says children shouldn't play with pills.",
Tony responded innocently.
Mrs. Sanchez paused, lifted a brow... and then smiled.
"Awwwww. Tony..."
"I don't talk to strangers! I look both ways before
crossing the street! And I don't take pills unless mommy says it's O.K.!"
"Mommy says it's O.K., dear. Now play. Have fun. I'm
sure Sparky will have fun watching you play, too."
With that, Tony shrugged, and he did exactly what his mother
expected him to do earlier. The only thing that was odd was... the alcohol. Well...
not the alcohol itself actually, but... there was an unnerving feeling in the
air when the q-tip applied it to the cart.
Ah well, whatever. Mrs. Sanchez hugged Tony goodbye and went
to work at the club where she did pole dancing to support the family after her
husband left for a repo woman (repo was his fetish.)
"It's time to pop this video game in and play the
game!", Tony announced to himself, and perhaps Sparky.
Tony was going to pick 2 player game mode, but Sparky didn't
want to play. He kept virus level at double zero, set speed to low, and paused
at music type. He was hoping that the game would allow him to play the song
"The Sign" by Ace of Base--his favorite--but the option was not
available. Tony knew that fevers made you sick and that chills didn't feel so
good either, but he didn't want to turn the music off. This meant that none of
the music options were satisfactory to him. In his imagination, Sparky rose to
his aardvarkish feet and popped in a Linkin Park cassette though, so things
were still pretty O.K.
Until it happened.
Dr. Mario, with a pill in his hand. Mouth agape. Mom's word
or not... this startled Tony like nothing other. "Feed us, Tony!",
the virii (that's plural for virus) pleaded to Tony. It was difficult to tell
what was in his mind and what wasn't.
And why in the world would the virii WANT him to feed them
pills? Didn't they know that the pills were designed to erase them for good?
A textbox appeared on screen. Tony had never played Dr.
Mario before, so he had no idea that this was considered abnormal. "Mama
Mia! Assisted suicide falls in line with the Hippocratic Oath!", Mario
offered.
Tony didn't know what suicide was. He figured Mario meant
sewer side. He guessed it made sense because virii were dirty things, and maybe
they lived in sewers or something and needed to get from one side to another.
"O.K... I'll do it.", Tony spoke to himself
confidently. Sparky chewed his own fingernails in fear, knowing exactly what
would happen next.
Two pills in. A yellow virus. Using a horizontal and a
vertical drop, Tony stacked three yellow half pills in a row. The virus...
died.
And there was another textbox. "You give me alcohol! I
give you something that goes-a good with the alcohol! Here's your prize!".
The colors of Mario's text were those of a Satanic flag, and most of the vowels
in the message were replaced with pentagrams and crudely drawn ASCII-style goat's
heads. But Tony had no way of knowing what that all meant.
Tony opened the cart tray of his NES.
And he screamed.
There it was.
A real life bottle of pills.
Tony freaked out. "Mom's going to KILL me! I can't let that
happen!!", Tony exclaimed.
Another textbox from Super Mario himself appeared.
"It's O.K., Tony. Remember-a what I said about a doctor's oath!"
I end this story without offering... the details of what
happened next.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Mario
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:YT Readings