LOLSKELETONS' Adventure

LOLSKELETONS woke up bright and early, yawning and stretching his bony structure about his bedroom. He approached one of his many posters depicting Curious George and stared deeply into the chimp's eyes with deep admiration.
If only I could be like you, my sweet, he thought to himself, gazing at the primate's adorable little body with great desire, eyeing it down from top to bottom, as he did every morning. He made his way downstairs and poured himself some Banana O's for breakfast. After this, he went upstairs to his bathroom and proceeded to take a nice, long, hot, steamy, and relaxing shower. He felt (well, he can't quite feel because he doesn't have nerves) the water running down his slender figure, licking every square centimeter of his body, sighing as he felt his body heat up (although he didn't because he is unable to perceive warmth too). 
After his shower, he went out to work at Wikia HQ. Along the way, however, he saw something quite peculiar in the woods, just outside of his neighbor's house's premises. It almost looked like... some small brown creature was watching him...
It must be my mind playing tricks on me, he thought. But alas, he was wrong for several reasons, the first being the fact that a skeleton doesn't exactly have a brain since they are just bones. The second reason being that it wasn't his nonexistent mind playing tricks on him. LOLSKELETONS shrugged it off and continued going to work. 
The day went normally, with LOLSKELETONS receiving an ample dosage of excessive yelling from his manager, Shining Bitch-Face. He clocked out at 8:30 p.m. after taking one last whip upon his bony arse from his boss, and left the building. Just as he went out on to the street, however, he saw something standing under the light of the lamp post. It was brown, it was hairy, and it was small...
Oh boy, I really hope the handsome author, Scheepybird, put in that beginning segment of me admiring Curious George as a form of foreshadowing this figure being Curious George... thought LOLSKELETONS excitedly. 
"No, silly mortal," boomed a great voice from above.
"Author, is that you?"
"Yes, my son. I must warn you now that the beginning segment featuring your love for Curious George had nothing to do with what you are about to experience. That is not Curious George."
"Well, shit."
LOLSKELETONS looked at the lamp post once more to see the figure had disappeared. He looked around, scanning his immediate vicinity, and, not seeing any imminent danger, proceeded home, shrugging off his experience talking to the author, shattering the fourth wall. 
Now that I think about it, I will probably have to try repairing that fourth wall before the reader begins to think Scheepybird is a weak writer who relies on its destruction for positive reception, he thought.
Suddenly, LOLSKELETONS felt a great force shoving him into the sidewalk, shattering his skeletal structure. His skull rolled along the sidewalk rather comically, like you'd see in a children's TV program, all the way home, away from his assailant. He - or his head - rolled up to the porch of his house and, with great effort, LOLSKELETONS hopped up the steps and into a window he conveniently left open for the sake of progressing the story. 
Approximately three hours later, LOLSKELETONS' head had finally found its way upstairs and somehow managed to crack open his wardrobe because... reasons. He knocked over another set of bones and reassembled himself with great haste. 
"Dammit, that was my good rib cage, too," he said to himself, as he walked back out, and shut the window to prevent any intruders, and because his head most surely will not be knocked off again throughout the course of this short-ass story, and therefore he would not need his window to be open. He walked back to where he was attacked to see if he could recover his other body and find out what did this to him. For the sake of this story not sounding boring, the author decided he would skip ahead to a slightly better part of the story.
(Insert dull retrieving and investigating montage here)
"A-ha!" said LOLSKELETONS, finding a patch of brown fur just as he picked up his left pinkie toe. He sniffed the fur (which normally isn't possible because he doesn't have a nose or any nerves to perceive smell, but the author will allow it for the sake of story progression), and instantly recognized it as an Eastern Illuminati Twat Barnacle, male, 36 months old, likely trying to impress a mate. 
"Nasty creatures, those Twat Barnacles are!" LOLSKELETONS shouted at the top of his lungs (which he doesn't have either).
He, as expected, heard the creature growling and turned around to see the great Easter Illuminati Twat Barnacle right behind him, so he turned. He twirled. He turned again. And he twirled, honey, twirled. Twirled, honey, twirled.
Skyrim Shuffle. 
The Twat Barnacle (which is, by the way, a common noun now), confused, began to randomly ejaculate. Seizing this opportunity, LOLSKELETONS pointed his index finger extremely aggressively at the Twat Barnacle and instantly banned it from life, indefinitely. 
"That's what you get for denting my rib, you shitbird."
LOLSKELETONS headed home, had a nice sleep session, and never heard from another Twat Barnacle 
again. 
The End
"Woah woah wait, what kind of a shitty anticlimactic 'adventure' was that?" asked the reader.
"Look, this is quite an adventure by LOLSKELETONS' standards. He'll never forget that day. And plus, I didn't have time to add anything else. Idunno, expect a sequel or some shit one day maybe if I have time," replied the author, swatting the reader with a nuclear cocoa blast. 
THE END
OR IS IT?!
== The Chapter That Scheepybird Finally Made That He Was Too Lazy To Make Before ==
====== Three weeks later, at Wiki HQ... ======
THWAK!
LOLSKELETONS was smacked again by his boss, upon his bony bootiecheeks once again. He was getting real fed up with this shit now. So fed up, in fact, that the author decided not to bother with consistent tenses, which is why the reader could expect it to frequently switch around like a high horse on weed.
As if this Wiki raiding bullshit wasn't annoying enough, I have to continue to put up with three of my managers constantly smacking my fine bootiecheeks as I work, he thought. 
Oh shit, Scheepybird thought. And I have to write something that isn't overly repetitive like this entire recount story thing.
LOLSKELETONS was stressed today. He was stressed out all week, since a certain user who goes by the alias of "LightPeasant" decided he was going to raid the Four Days at Fronkie's Wiki, to settle some score or something. It should have been an easy job - ban the user, warn everyone, maybe build up a thread to spread the word and further discourage raiding. He was the laughingstock among other Wikis! 
Look at those pompous bastards, sitting in the corner with their fancy wine, laughing at us, he thought.
"I'll show you!" he shouted. It had just slipped out of his mouth, but the damage was done. Everyone looked at him, confuzzled, puzzled, and they had massive hard-ons for some reason. In minutes, the Wiki administration staff would drag him back to their sex dungeon to fiddle with his bones - again. 
LOLSKELETONS checked out of his workplace after a long day of work. 
"Just where do you think you're going?" said someone behind him.
It was -
TO BE CONTINUED LATER BECAUSE I NEED TO GO SOMEWHERE I'LL ADD MORE LATER LATER LATER LATER LATER HUEHUEHUE
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Well, that was pointless.
Category:BATTELS
Category:Animulz
Category:Beings
Category:Skeletons
Category:TOTALLY NOT UNFINISHED U GUIZE
Category:Inside Jokes