Spar for the Course/Transcript

Muffy walks across the Crosswire Motors sales area.
Muffy: Hello. I'm Muffy Crosswire, the host of today's show, which is all about cooperation. Nothing illustrates cooperation better than the engine of a car. Let's look under the hood of this affordable, sporty Canberra Emu.     
She opens the hood and finds Buster who is eating a sandwich.     
Muffy: Buster! What are you doing in there? You're ruining my intro.
Buster: No, no. Arthur said I could open the show today. Hold on, everyone, we're going to Centaurus A, a galaxy over ten million light years away.
He pulls Muffy under the hood and closes it. Then the car disappears.
The car reappears on a planet with large, colorful plants. Buster and Muffy get out.
Buster: Welcome to the Symbiosa, a yet-to-be-discovered planet where there is no fighting and all the creatures love each other.
While she is watching two plants kissing, a one-eyed, furry octopus jumps on Muffy’s head.
Muffy: Augh! Something's on my head!
Buster: Aw. It's an octobadger. He wants to nibble on your brain. It's how they show affection.
Muffy: Get it off! Get it off!
Binky, wearing a wrestling outfit, breaks free from a plant and runs over to her.
Binky: Don't worry, Bruiser Barnes will save you.     
He pulls the octobadger off Muffy, throws it to the ground, body slams it and wrestles with it.     
Binky: Hrr-ah! Take that you cute, fuzzy cyclops.
Buster: Binky! What are you doing? You can't body slam the octobadger. We're on Symbiosa, the love planet.
Binky: No, we aren't. We're in a professional wrestling ring.
He pulls a vine and a bell rings. The planet changes to a wrestling ring.
Binky: See? And the octobadger is fine.    (whispers:)   It's all fake.      
The octobadger crawls away.
Arthur: But I'm doing the show open.
Binky: Uh-uh, it's my turn.
Muffy: You're both wrong. It's my show.
Binky: Oh, yeah? Tell that to him!
A huge wrestler, with the octobadger on his head, charges at them.
Wrestler: (roars)
~~~
Title Card: A model car crosses a bridge
~~~
Binky, Buster and Muffy play minigolf. Binky tries to get the ball through a windmill obstacle, but keeps hitting the blades.
Binky: 27.       
He puts the ball back in position and tries again.      
Binky: 28.
Muffy: (yawns)  Try hitting it harder.
Binky hits the ball hard against one of the blades. The blades fall off, then the whole windmill collapses. The ball rolls over the wreckage into the hole.
Binky: Whoo-hoo!       
Buster and Muffy look shocked.
~~~ 
Buster, Muffy and Binky stand at the ticket booth.
Buster: We're really sorry about the windmill, Mr. Shank.
Mr. Shank: It's not the first time it's broken but it's definitely the last.    
He takes out a large book.    
Mr. Shank: Guess I'll just have to buy another one. Let's see, there's a 1742 Stomermolen... Nah, too fancy.
Muffy: Why does it have to be a windmill?
Binky: Yeah, it's always a windmill.
Buster: Couldn't you get something a little more... exciting?
Mr. Shank: Like what, a wind turbine? Where would the hole go?
Muffy: No, something radically different.
Binky: Yeah, like… I don't know, a dinosaur or...
Buster: Or a replica of Machu Picchu made entirely of yucca.    
The others stare at him.      
Buster: What? That's radically different.
Mr. Shank: Whoa, whoa, slow down. Who's gonna design this? The mini golf elves?
Binky: No, we would.
Buster: Yeah!
Muffy: And we'll only charge you for parts and labor.
Binky: Better yet, we'll do it for free.
Mr. Shank: Hmm. An 18th hole designed by the customer. There could be some good press in that.
Kids: Whoo-hoo!
Mr. Shank: Okay, you've got a week, but it better be good or else I'm going to go with Big Windy, the budget windmill.      
He points to a picture in the book that looks just like the old windmill.
~~~
Muffy, Binky and Buster sit in the Sugar Bowl with drinks and notepads in front of them. Binky bangs his pencil on the table.
Buster: How about this? A windmillipede.
Muffy: What's a windmillipede?
Buster: I don't know. I can't think with you making all that noise.
Binky: It's not noise, it's Max Roach's drum solo from Cherokee.
Muffy: Binky, now is not the time to be thinking of music.
Binky: Wait! That's it! We do a musical 18th hole.
Buster: How would we do that?
Binky: Easy. The goal is to hit the ball into the bell of a clarinet.
He starts sketching. A fantasy shows Binky playing the hole.
Binky (narrator): The tee is on top of a grand piano. You hit the ball onto a timpani and it bounces onto another timpani and then rattles around a triangle... then it drops onto the keys of a xylophone, then hits a cymbal... and finally lands in the clarinet, which triggers the last movement of the William Tell Overture.
Binky: Whoo-hoo!
The fantasy ends.
Binky: Well, what do you think?
Buster: Yes!     
He walks away.
Binky: Finally, my genius has been recognized.
Muffy: What? You actually understood all that?    
They all walk out. Buster puts on his bicycle helmet.
Buster: Huh? Oh, no, I was thinking of my own idea. What about this?
His imagination shows Buster in a spacesuit, playing minigolf on the moon.
Buster (narrator): We make the 18th hole look just like the moon! When the player tees off, he stands in an exact replica of Alan Shepard's footprints. You have to hit the ball into the tractor beam of a flying saucer. But along the way there are all these craters and aliens and moon rocks you have to avoid.    
Small aliens peak out of molehill-sized craters.     
Buster (narrator): Wait! We also add an anti-gravity dome over the whole thing to make it really like the moon!
Buster suddenly stands on a minigolf course with models of aliens and a flying saucer. A glass dome comes down. Buster hits the ball and starts floating to the sound of ‘The Blue Danube’.
~~~
The fantasy ends. The three kids are now sitting in the treehouse. Buster hops around as if he was on the moon.
Binky: If there's no gravity, the ball's just gonna float around. So is the golfer!
Buster: I know! Pretty challenging, right?
Binky: Mine was much better.
Buster: No, it wasn't. And anyway we could never build it!
Binky: Oh, but we could build an anti-gravity dome?!
Buster: I didn't say we'd build it! Muffy will buy it!
Muffy: Guys! This fighting isn't getting us anywhere. You have to learn to compromise. Here's what we'll do.
In her imagination, she steps on a minigolf hole that looks like a model of the Swiss alps.
Muffy (narrator): The whole course is a leisurely drive through the country, back to your castle. First, you hit the ball into a top-of-the-line car.
Muffy hits the ball over a bridge. It drops into a model car which starts moving.
Muffy (narrator): Then you drive over a charming little bridge and through a Swiss Alp! And then you park in front of Castle Crosswire where Rivets, the robot butler, lifts the ball out of the car and drops it into the hole. The end.
Muffy: Whoo-hoo! 
The fantasy ends. The kids are now in the park. Muffy and Binky sit under a tree while Buster hangs from a branch. Bailey sits nearby, reading a book.
Buster: How is that a compromise?
Binky: Yeah. There was no music or space in it at all.
Muffy: True, but isn't it a great idea?
Buster: I don't think so. It's way too easy.
Muffy: Oh, effort is overrated!
Binky: It's better than that goofy moon idea…
Buster: (gasps)
Binky: …but mine is still the best.
Buster: There is nothing goofy about space travel!
Muffy: Fine, there's only one way to solve this.
Buster: (sighs)  I know, I know. We all have to work together.
Muffy: No! The first one to tell Mr. Shank their idea wins. Ta-ta!      
She runs off, followed by the boys.
~~~
Bailey and Muffy ride a tandem bike with Bailey doing all the pedaling. Buster and Binky follow on their bikes. 
The kids all stop at the minigolf course. Bailey looks exhausted. Muffy runs up to Mr. Shank who is eating a sandwich.
Muffy: Mr. Shank, I've got it. It's a castle and... and this little car drives up to it and it's all...
Binky: It's musical! Everyone loves music.
Buster: Two words - "historic moon landing"!
Kids: (all talk at once)
Mr. Shank: Enough! I can't listen to a million ideas. I need one good idea. And you know what's a good idea? A windmill. So that's what I'm going with.
The kids turn around. In their imagination, a windmill like the old one appears on the 18th hole.
Binky: I loved my idea. It would have been a great 18th hole.
Buster: Anything would be better than a windmill.
Muffy: We can't give up.
Binky: Mr. Shank? Please!
Muffy: Give us another chance!
Mr. Shank: (sighs)  Okay, you've got one more day.
Buster: What do we do now?
Binky: Now, we all have to work together.
~~~
Muffy, Binky and Buster sit in the Sugar Bowl.
Binky: I still like my music idea.
Buster: Well, I still like my moon idea!
Muffy: We can't all do our ideas!
Buster: Wait... Why can't we?
Muffy: And do what? A big musical castle on the moon?  Actually, that sounds kind of fun!
Buster: Yeah! Instead of a fancy car...
Binky: …it's a fancy moon buggy.
Muffy: A Crosswire Motors moon buggy!
Binky: But before you get the ball in the buggy, you have to hit these xylophone keys!
Buster: Which play notes that make the aliens run away!
Muffy: So you can drive up to the castle in time for tea! But, wait, how do we know this will actually work?
Binky: We'll have to make a model.
~~~
Muffy, Binky and Buster collect materials by the workbench in the Crosswires’ garage. They build a small minigolf hole using a cardboard house, aliens and part of a toy xylophone.
Eventually, the model is finished. Muffy hands Buster a club.
Muffy: Would you care to do the honors?
Buster tries several times to get the ball past the first xylophone obstacle.
Buster: (sighs)
Muffy: Great. We've built an impossible golf hole. There's no way to hit the xylophone keys and get it into the hole.
Buster: Should we just get rid of the keys?
Binky: No!
Muffy: Why don't we stagger the keys like this and add some angles? That way, if you hit this one key first, it sends the ball in the direction you want it to go next. Sort of like a pinball game.
Binky tries with the rearranged obstacles. The ball gets past the xylophone obstacles, but then stops.
Binky: Why can't I get it to go all the way to the end?
Buster: I think it's losing momentum.
Muffy: What does that mean?
Buster: Every time the ball hits something, it slows down a little.
Binky: I get it! So we have to find a way to give the ball more speed.
Muffy: I know! How about we add a ramp?      
She lets the ball run down a book.
Buster: What if we make it like a skateboard park? We add a little hill here, right before it gets to the...
Muffy: …hole that leads to the car!
~~~
Later, Muffy tries again. The ball hits several xylophone keys, drops into a model car and is transported down a ramp where it drops into the hole.
Binky: The ball makes it all the way through the course.
~~~
The next day, the kids show the model to Mr. Shank.
Mr. Shank: I have to hand it to you kids, that is one swell 18th hole! I just have one thing to add.
~~~
Later, Mr. Shank and some other people watch Buster try out the new hole. The ball rolls past small aliens popping out of craters, over a xylophone ramp and into a car that takes it to a windmill.
Buster: Yes!      
People applaud.
Mr. Shank: The windmill was my idea.
Category:Transcripts
Category:Season 19 transcripts
Category:2016