Interview with the Slenderman

Before I begin, I should tell you that I never knew too much about Slenderman until recently. I was a fan of YuGiOh Abridged on Youtube and so I did see the parody video called 'Concrete Giraffes' depicting a humourous creature with no face who happened to like eating children. I thought it was amusing and decided to look up MarbleHornets, the channel that LittleKuriboh had collaborated with to create the video. I found the videos creepy at first, with the tall figure appearing, the video skipping and whatnot. Until of course this 'Slenderman' turned into a guy with a mask... ever since then the videos have turned too dull for my liking and I've stopped watching.
Then I started reading some creepypastas involving Slenderman. So at the moment, this is what I know of him. He is tall, and thin, and wears a suit. His face is only a mouth. He stalks children, probably kills, possibly eats them. And he's a regular serial killer. He also drives people to madness, is probably supernatural, and now has a version of himself in Minecraft. Clearly, he was getting popular. I found that kind of amusing.
Yeah... amusing... until recently. When I learned more than I EVER wanted to know about this guy. The following events did happen, in the order I convey them, but I'm not sure exactly of the dates. All I know was that they occured sometime over last summer. My memories of that summer are... rather patchy. Though anyone familiar with Slenderman at all shouldn't be surprised by that.
THE FIRST EVENT, SOMETIME IN JUNE
I had been sitting in my computer chair all day reading fanfiction. No, not creepypastas. I wasn't into those at the time, I only began reading seriously about Slenderman somewhere in the midst of this madness. I like fanfiction. It's relaxing to read, I enjoy writing it too, sure it's depraved as Hell itself but I didn't really mind. I'm a bit of a depraved person at times myself. It's good to let loose on a text file every now and again. I was in the midst of reading of a rather epic three way between Seto Kaiba, Yami Bakura and Bandit Keith when I was struck by a sudden thirst and headed happily to the kitchen to summon up a grape Fanta, the best soda ever created. I equated it with drinking a popcicle. And a good popcicle, not those cheap frozen sugar water things but involving actual juice. I love those.
Anyway, I opened my bedroom door and... well I met Slenderman. You could understand my shock at seeing the abnormally long limbs bent as he sat in my computer chair, staring at the screen, Or at least I assume he was staring as he faced the thing with a round hole I took to be his mouth hanging open in the center of his face. He of course had no eyes.
I of course live alone so seeing anyone in my room would be a surprise, but this figure made me drop my fanta and it proceeded to stain the carpet purple. My landlord would not be amused, I was sure. Not that this was my first thought of course, as I was busily trying to make my brain stop spasming as it tried to process the facelessness of my intruder.
"Um... um... hello?" I finally stammered out. The figure seemed to startle in my computer chair and swung his head around to point at me, his mouth closing into a line so thin it seemed to disappear. We looked at each other for a moment.
Finally Slenderman rose, towering over me and folding his abnormally long arms across his chest.
"You... are seriously fucked up." He said this in a strange voice. Low pitched, yet somehow thin and ringing.
None the less, that was pretty damn insulting from some guy standing over seven feet tall with no face. "Yeah well... you're really tall! And faceless!" Clearly, my insulting prowess terrified him away as the next second he had vanished.
And I mean vanished. I didn't even blink, no noise or a puff of smoke, but the thing was gone. I sat slowly back in my computer chair, trying to figure out why the guy seemed familiar for almost an hour before I remembered the existence of Slenderman online. That was about when I switched off the fanfiction and started on the creepypastas.
I think it was the next morning that I woke up with my neighbour's dead cat in my room and its blood painting the ceiling reading: "I'LL BE BACK" but like I said, my memories from that summer are a bit vague. Anyway, that blood was a pain in the ass to scrub off the ceiling and the cat organs stained my carpet once again. My landlord was going to kill me. I buried the cat in the woods nearby, trying to ignore the odd laughter in the trees. My neighbour did not need to know why her cat had disappeared. I was a little upset though, I always liked that cat. But the Slenderman does as he will, I couldn't do much about that at this point.
THE SECOND EVENT, MAYBE A WEEK OR TWO LATER
I'm sure I lived in a bit of a state of paranoia for the next week or two after Slenderman left me that Terminator message on the ceiling, but I don't remember too much other than the fact I was contacting my friends less and had spent more and more time online looking up whatever I could about Slenderman mythology. From what I could understand, he seemed to have Lemony Snicket disease because all his photographs were of him in silouette. It was pretty damn annoying to tell the truth, since if I couldn't make out his face, or lack there of, how could I be sure that it was even the same guy? The text documents were confusing too. As I've said before, Slenderman was probably a serial killer, may or may not eat children, stalked people, could be supernatural... but really, the accounts differed so wildly I wondered if perhaps it was not Slenderman I was dealing with but rather SlenderMEN. As in the plural, more than one. It wouldn't be too surprising I suppose.
At long last one night as I lay in my bed, staring at the ceiling at the words that I'd at least managed to fade to a light, non-threatening pink but would probably have to paint over, I heard a light tapping at the window of my room. It sounded at first like a nail, but after a while the nail started scratching down the glass, joined by a few others. I jumped out of bed, ran to the window and threw back the blind.
There was Slenderman, grinning widely as though his head would split in two and waving clawed fingers at me. Since when did he have claws? Well no matter. I glared at him. I mean, I know I should have been terrified and Lord knows I wasn't exactly unafraid. I was on the second floor of my house, seeing the upper torso of a monstrous man out of my window surely isn't normal. Still, I knew he would be back, I suspected the tapping was him, and now my window had scratch marks on it. I was definitely not getting the deposit on this house back.
"Well come in then, since CLEARLY you can tele... port. Well that was fast." In the middle of speaking Slenderman had vanished. I turned around to see him in the center of my room, eerily still and silent. We regarded each other for a while. Then he vanished again.
"WELL WHY WAKE ME UP THEN?!" I demanded the thin air and marched back to bed, getting grumpily under the covers. Talk about friggen anti-climantic.
OR so I thought. The next day I looked properly out my front window and saw the neighbour lady, who owned the cat, lying dead on my front lawn. She was covered in claw marks. The police questioned me of course, but I said I heard nothing. I could hardly expect them to believe the Slenderman story after all. They were confused as to how I wouldn't hear such an animal attack, but bought my story of being a heavy sleeper. Obviously I wasn't accused of doing anything, since I didn't have claws.
So Slenderman had struck again. It wasn't until I opened my bathroom door after the police left that I saw my neighbour's hand, which had been missing from her corpse. Written on the mirror in her blood were the words, "DON'T YOU LIKE MY PRESENTS?"
At least that was easier to wash off the mirror, since it looked fresh and all. I buried the hand out with the cat, and I swear the laughter was louder than before. When I came back, I had a random thought a dug a magic marker out of a junk drawer and went to my bathroom mirror. I wrote, "NO, THEY KEEP LEAVING STAINS IN MY HOUSE AND MY LANDLORD IS GOING TO BE PISSED."
... it's not good to play the Slenderman's games.
THE THIRD EVENT, I'M THINKING MAYBE WITHIN THREE DAYS OF THE LAST ONE
Slenderman was getting bolder. This time I opened my eyes in the middle of the night and he was right beside my bed, looking down at me. I yelped and called him a fucking creeper. He vanished and I groaned, wondering what 'present' he left me with this time.
I turned on my bedside lamp and squeaked. Hanging from the wall across from the foot of my bed with my landlord, his body held up by nails. Well. At least he couldn't be mad at those stains, since he was making them himself.
Wait, what was I thinking? He was freaking dead! Why? Because I told Slenderman about him? I had no idea. But I wasn't about to start blaming myself for Slenderman being a serial killing bastard. Anyway, my landlord was not someone I could just bury in the woods like an animal or random body part, so I had to call up the police.
Luckily, because of two reasons the police did not think to suspect me of actually committing the crime. The first was that I was a 5.5ft high female of average strength and my landlord was a 6.2ft tall guy of almost solid muscle from his bodybuilding days. Even if I killed him, I could never have lifted him onto the wall to nail him there.
The second reason was because his wife reported him going missing during their vacation across the country after an hour before I called the police to my house. The police were baffled. Even more so as I again told them I had heard nothing. They started drilling me for information on everyone I knew, trying to figure out if I had some crazy stalker, which maybe I did but if so they sure as Hell weren't going to catch him.
The police began patrolling my neighbourhood more frequently and checking up with me from time to time. All the while I continued to read Slenderman creepypasta and wonder if he would be back. I finally got tired of waiting at some point and decided to try to contact Slenderman again. After the shock of the corpses had worn off, I'll admit I was beginning to get curious about him. The only way I'd managed to possibly talk to him before was to use my bathroom mirror. Obviously I had wiped off the marker from before, at least I assume I must've since it was gone, but now I decided to try writing to him again.
This time I wrote, I asked, "DID YOU KILL HIM FOR ME?" I mean, not that I condoned that sort of thing, nor would I blame myself if it turned out he had, but I wanted to know. Furthermore, I wanted to know if he would turn up again. Most people would probably be praying that they would never hear from such a person again, I would think. But then, maybe I'm wrong, maybe it was Slenderman using some sort of supernatural power to make me grow a bit obsessed with him. Certainly my hypnotic addiction to his exploits documented online hadn't waned at all since he started appearing to me.
THE FOURTH EVENT, EITHER LATE JULY OR EARLY AUGUST
All I know is that it took a while for Slenderman to respond. I didn't bother removing the magic marker from the bathroom. When the police stopped by and asked to use a bathroom they just used the one downstairs as the one I'd written in was down the hall from my own bedroom. I'll admit, there's something unnerving about reading those words in the mirror every day while you brush your teeth and gargle. Still, something in me refused to let me wash them away even though I knew the longer I left them the harder it would be to do so.
At last, one humid night I left the window wide open to let in whatever breeze there was. I was awoken by loud, booming laughter filling my room that as soon as I was fully awake dissolved into ringing cackles. I got out of bed and looked around, realising suddenly that the door to my bedroom was open. I went into the hall, turned to the bathroom instinctively and saw him, the Slenderman, looking at my message and holding his sides. My blood chilled as I saw the bathroom behind him. Inside it was a small boy I had never seen before, clearly dead, and the water he was bathed in was red with his own blood. On the wall of the bathtub was writing that, when the Slenderman vanished from the room suddenly I was able to read.
It said, "OF COURSE"
That was when I began to be truly afraid. Before I called the police I scrubbed at the mirror for an hour to remove all traces of my magic marker message.
THE FIFTH EVENT, TWO WEEKS LATER
The police had removed me from that house. I was sent into a witness protection program, so I can't say where or who I was at the time, even if I could properly remember. All I know for sure, is that the child in my bathroom was apparently identical to a boy who had gone missing twelve years prior. Only he hadn't aged, and his death looked very recent. The police were still baffled with no leads to speak of for these strange occurances.
On the sixth day after moving to my new place of residence, I had found a rather interesting Slenderman fanfiction where he and Pyramid head from Silent Hill teamed up to go seduce the cast from YuGiOh GX before killing them. It's lucky I read it at the time, because it got flagged and taken down from the website I read it on not long after and I haven't found it again. Still, my love of fanfiction had crossed over with my strange insane stalker and I read this fanfiction in the small apartment that the witness protection people had set me up with. They had cautioned me against actually logging into anything or posting anything online, but just reading things was deemed safe enough so that was what I did.
In the middle of the fanfic, I got up to get a nice can of delicious grape fanta. It was like deja vu when I went back to my room and saw Slenderman there, reading the fanfic as open mouthed as the last time. I dropped my can again, but luckily I had yet to open it so no spilling was caused this time.
However, I was able to swallow my fear this time and compose myself. Strange, after reading and witnessing what this thing could do I was still able to be calm.
"What are you doing here? What do you want?" I asked him, I swear I sounded exasperated. At this point, I just wanted answers.
Slenderman's mouth closed and he turned in the seat. Then he smiled at me. It was grotesque, but I held my ground and looked him in the... uh... face. Again, no eyes to look at.
Finally his mouth opened again to speak, again in that strange, low yet thin, ringing tone. "You're... seriously fucked up."
My eye twitched. "You said that before."
"I like it."
My eyes widened. He vanished. I shouted into the room, "GET BACK HERE, ASSHOLE!"
"Yes?" The sound hissed in my ear and I shuddered, turning around. Slenderman was standing behind me, straightening up to his full monstrous height. I looked quickly around and was a bit relieved to see no immediately evident horror awaiting me before turning back.
"Okay, so um... I'm getting the feeling you kind of like... me. Is that right?" Slenderman continued to smile. I took that as a yes. "Okay... well um... that's... that's very flattering and all but... well you're a little weird. No offense. It's just I'm more attracted to people with... eyes. And noses. And ears."
The mouth of Slenderman twisted down sharply and I flinched bad. "I don't like you that way! That's just disgusting!"
"Oh. Um. Okay."
"I'm hardly a lesbian!"
"Right I totally under...stand... gaaaaaah what?"
"I only like you as a friend! Honestly, a girl wears a suit and everyone assumes she's out looking to get it on with other women. It's a gender stereotype!"
"Um... I... I quite agree." I blinked.
"I like you. I think we could have some things in common, if you tried murdering a little."
"Well that's nice and all for you, but I'd get arrested if I tried it." I said, talking robotically and unable to process things now.
Slender... woman? continued: "I suppose you have a point. still, I have a request to make."
"Er, what's that?"
"Would you mind writing one of those internet stories explaining to people of my true nature? It's getting rather insulting that everyone assumes a tall, bald serial killer in a suit has a penis."
"... I don't think people will believe me."
"Either do it, or I could string you up by your entrails in the bathroom?" The smile was back. I gulped and agreed.
Several months later the police allowed me to return to my house under a new landlord, the son of the first one. They caught a creepy man who lived in the house across from mine who had confessed to the crimes, though I think he just wanted the attention. In any case, I haven't seen Slender... Slenderwoman again.
I'm not saying acknowledging her true gender will help you. Probably not. But if you help spread the word maybe... maybe she'll show you a little mercy and kill only you and not your loved ones. We can only hope.
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