nyuuzyou/wikis huggingface dataset:
Lord Longford

Lord Longford, international repudiator, amazer and ambassador to the world of humans was a pioneer of the 19th century with medical, scientific and world-acclaimed breakthroughs attributed to him throughout the course of history. Known for his big nose and handle-bar mustache Lord Longford made several journeys and experiments none of which have ever been proven.
==Journeys and Tribulations==
===Blue Whale Experiments===
1874 saw his original expedition members embarking on 'The Most Gracious Blue Whale Expedition' where a handful of Longfords best men were put to the test in the depths of the oceans. Their claims of Blue Whales being the biggest species ever to of existed were published. In one such experiment it was claimed that Lord Longford had managed to intravenously inject himself into a blue whales artery through which he swam for several days investigating the internal structure and anatomy of the Blue Whale. He subsisted on Krill and cooked small pieces of whales gall bladder until he managed to swim into the whales testicles whereby he was ejaculated back into the Atlantic ocean to be greeted by cheering onlookers.
===Cure for the Common Cold===
An expedition in 1876 whilst working on finding a cure for the common cold resulted in him visiting a tribal town in modern day Papua-New Guinea. The cannibals who regularly hunted, killed, roasted and ate other human-beings were lulled into a sense of friendship by one of Lord Longfords many poems and ended with him teaching each of the 46 tribal members how to play the oboe in exchange for a plant which cured the common cold. Lord Longford brought the 46 tribes-people back to England to play in the London Philharmonic Orchestra whereby they exceeded expectations by performing a beautiful rendition of Swan's Lake. Many people believe that these peoples were the first to discover and describe the species Mudkip.
longford is a big smelly tinker hole full of nackers who like to eat dere own shit and then shit it out again
===Tobogganing===
1880 was met with hardship; whilst tobogganing off the slopes of Kilimanjaro his sled hit a rock in the ground and was propelled 200 foot off the edge of a cliff face. He fell 2,000 feet to what most people would describe as death, however Lord Longford managed to avoid death by telling gravity 'to stop'. He floated gently into a Bedouin encampment to the surprise of the Bedouin people which believed him to be the Mountain God's second coming and treated him accordingly. They carried him three and a half thousand miles back to his home in Shropshire, England whereby they made him iced tea and left him pink wafer biscuits which he enjoyed immensely. 
Due to him becoming immortal on the 19th of August 1902 he still exists to this day in a taxidermist in Leicester.
===Claims made by Lord Longford===
Listed below are the various claims of Lord Longford:
* Bedouin Mountain God
* Supreme being
* Blue Whale master
* Immortal 
* Captain Peanut
Category:British people
Category:Fools Pitied by Mr. T
Category:Goa'ulded People
For the full listing please read the auto-biography of Lord Longford.
Lord Lucan

== Biography ==
Lord Lucan had all the disadvantages that wealth could provide him. His life limited to existential and pretentious conversations with other wealthy elites, Lucan became disenfranchised with his socialite life, with constant wine and champagne receptions and free rides in limos. He choose to cast this aside for the more worthwhile existence as chat Show host. Lord Lucan's life in the public eye began on his popular talk show, The Lord Lucan life show . His complete sensitivity and compassion for everyone in society led to many issues being resolved and the earning of the nickname 'happy Lucan.' Soon Lucan expanded his celebrity into popular music under the alias Quicksilver, after a guitar was thrown at him on his show and he took it home. After numerous hit records Lucan left the talk show, without working off his notice, to concentrate on his music career. 
After intense initial success, Quicksilver as Lucan was now known, became over awed with his new celebrity. It became necessary to 'leave' the music career by unconventional means. Lucan gradually began to fain illness and on the 12 Feb 1992, it was announced to weeping crowds that he had passed away. Lucan, now had to forge a new life for himself. But where? His face was known everywhere, and he hadn't done a very good job to disguise himself when he changed identity the first time.
== The Decision to choose Newcastle under Lyme == 
After a brief return to his elite existence he was discovered. He hatched perhaps one of the most brilliant plans of all time. to move to Newcastle under Lyme. This is a town which is a haven for misunderstood socialites, just the trick, anything goes in Newcastle. The people in that town love pretension of all kinds, especially if you're rich. Lucan realised that with a move to Newcastle under Lyme he could become a king amongst men. 
== Life in Newcastle ==
Truly a king amongst men. His weekly garden parties are the highlight of the luncheon ladies year (should they be invited). The Lucan's became trend setters in Newcastle , Lady Lucan starting the tradition of dropping of a nd picking up school children in oversized novelty cars, known to the locals as Four by Fours. An annual competition for the most outrageous Four by Four is held in the Lucans' honour every spring, timed to coincide with the Lucan parade.
The Lucans have made many friends in Newcastle under Lyme. Lord Summerisle, another outcast of the aristocracy, and Lord Peter Cash, have been especially welcoming to the family.
==Further reading==
*
*
Category:British people
Lord Privvy

The Lord Privvy is a British governmental official responsible for the upkeep of the country's toilets. Traditionally, the Lord Privvy is the third-born inbred son of the Monarch of the Day, and, as such, usually has more than three Adam's apples and 25 toes. The British are scum. (Unlike the wonderfully erudite sophisticate who practised his considerable intellectual skills and devastating riposte upon the previous clause.)
== Keeping up with the job ==
As the job is quite copious, keeping up with it is a mammoth task, especially when one considers that there are in excess of 15 public toilets in the country and maybe as many as 45 that are privately owned. The Lord Privvy must visit each English toilet at least once a year, and in some cases, such as with the Golden Throne of Westminster Abbey, even more. It is common English law that each toilet cannot be used until it has received a personal telephone message from the Lord Privvy Himself, following the Queen's speech each Christmas.
== The Lord Privvy's seal ==
Unknown to many, the Lord Privvy's seal is not a seal at all, but is actually a SEA LION. This means that it has four legs, unlike a seal, and the neck of a giraffe. The Lord Privvy's seal is employed to carefully shadow the Lord Privvy who, whilst in office, dons a large golden toilet chain around his neck. Should the Lord Privvy attempt to make off with the chain at any point in a daft fit of twittedness, the seal has been charged to savage his shins and defecate in the oil tank of his Daimler, so as to make escape impossible.
== Famous Lord Privvys ==
*Sir Richard Attenborough
*Sir David Attenborough
*Sir Chipping Sodbury
*Malcolm in the Middle
*Barbara Bush
*Basil Brush
*Sherlock Holmes
*Doraemon
*Frank Worthington
*Hyacinth Bucket
*Annual Stipend
*Prince Edward the Current
category:Government
category:Plumbing
Lost and found

thumb|Your local neighborhood Lost & Found. Still hasn't lost that dead animal smell.
The Lost and found is a place to put all of your unwanted crap when a garbage can or fire isn't closer. There is also the option of conveniently "losing" said crap item, at which time the Lost and found Fairies will take it to the Lost & Found box when you're not looking. Dank, smelly, and unfriendly, Lost and founds are only slightly better cherished than, say, the least livable parts of Pluto.
== Etymology ==
It is assumed Lost and found comes from the Greek words, "Λοστ ανδ Φαυνδ", the ancient German word, laustenfünd, the ancient Chinese characters "會意字会意字" (roughly, "Ling Ang Fung"), and the Newspeak word "lostfound". Some of the more "radical linguists" believe that Lost and found came from the Old English term "losian ond findan", although they simply forgot that this is absolutely unfeasible, at best.
== Benefits ==
Amazingly, there are actually conceivable benefits of Lost and founds.
Lost and founds typically have very flexible refund policies. Unless your item has already been taken, you may take it back at any time. Of course, this means you have to sift through the rest of the sweaty trash in the box in a vain and probably futile search for your own sweaty trash.
Poor people are able to take things from the Lost and found that they want, which is loosely considered giving back to the community. While this is not necessarily illegal for them to take these things, it is generally frowned upon if they are caught in the act and they don't think of a good lie quick enough. They can then use your old unwashed to clothes to cover themselves and the rest of your old stuff to feed their lice-ridden children.
== Criticisms ==
There are many more criticisms of Lost and founds than there are benefits. Several of the most common are:
* You don't like that mean old lady who tends to it.
* Most of them are either at schools, libraries, and churches.
*The smell! Oh, that infernal smell of it all!
* The lost stuff that you're looking for has long been removed and/or disintegrated.
*Whenever there is cool stuff in there, your asshole "friend" takes it?
* There's a sickly kitten in there that bites people, then makes them foam at the mouth and bleat like a mildly retarded goat. And then the mean old lady tells you to hush up and take it like a man, regardless of gender. How you hate her.
== Seven Days Later ==
When it is clear that nobody wants what's in the Lost and found (which is all of the time), they give it an extra seven days to let the items live out their tragic lives. Compare to Uncyclopedia's NRV policy. At that time they are tossed ruthlessly and without emotion into the gaping, dark, friendless oblivion that is the trash can. The experience is marginally less painful than it sounds, but what comes after isn't.
== See Also ==
*Lost
*Lost (2004 television series)
*And
*&
*Found
*FOUND (2004 Television Series)
Category:Scams
Category:Things That Smell
Category:Nightmares Made Flesh
Lost in the Amazon

Holy f***! I'm on a boat, on a river and guess what - it's heading towards a f***ing waterfall. And there's a f***ing leopard trying to kill me and lots of f***ing alligators in the water. What the f*** is this, some lame adventure movie?
=So What Happens Next...?=
Fuck. (Sorry, my * key is broken. Stuff you, two year olds). I know what you're thinking. There really IS NO waterfall or boat or alligators of that fucking leopard that - aaaaaargh! - just fucking bit off my leg. In fact, there's no Amazon Rainforest either, with strangulatering pythons, bottomless holes with spikes at the bottom or head-hunting pygmies with laser guns. You think it's just a - FUCKING - story! Well - (Fuck of, Leopard, I'm trying to type here) - it's not! It's real! And while you sit your fat arse on the computer and laugh at my troubles, I'm fucking dying here! 
=And The Waterfall's Getting Closer Too...=
Ok. Goodbye world. Goodbye , you brutal motherfucker. Farewell.
==But Wait...==
Holy shit! I just grabbed onto a vine! Yippee! And the boat's fallen off the edge and that fuckin' damn leopards fuckin' crushed and dead! Yippeee!
==But... Fuck.==
Yes, fuck. 'Cause now the alligators are jumping up, trying to eat me and an army of head-hunting pygmies with laser guns (I told you they were real) are gathering at the edge, and - wtf? - they've got a bloody star destroyer and are about to DESTROY me! This is gettig way to unrealistic. But hey - it's probably a stupid Disney adventure movie; you have to put up this type of crap.
=Anyway...=
What to do? What to do? Do I choose to fall and be swept off that fucking waterfall and be, like, crushed into nothing, get eaten by alligators or destroyed by some lame Star Wars ship? Or should I just create a broken link? What will I do? WHAT WILL I DO??? Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!
=GAME OVER. WELCOME TO THE AFTERLIFE. DO YOU WISH TO PLAY AGAIN?</Code>=
Well, yes. Sorry about the lame ending, but that's the truth. It was a computer game. Probably a crappy Disney adventure computer game based on a crappy Disney adventure movie. It' so crappy in fact I don't even know. And thank God (bless Him) that that's all the crap we have tonight. Goodnight.
=Other Stuff=
*Nothing.
*Uncyclopedia actually has an article about Rainforests?
*Commit suicide
*This the the end.
*Definitely.
Category:Jungle animals
Louis Pasteur

A fictional character born sometime in the 19th century, Louis Pasteur (d. 1854) was supposedly fabricated by the liberal media Oscar Wilde for the sole purpose of being used as one of the three weapons of the Spanish Inquisition a punchline in a joke.
His death by the descendants of Marco Polo in 1854, to prevent him from announcing his discovery for the detection and indentifiction of belly button lint, would see angered followers of Pastaur loot the city the following year. 
Pastuer was also a member of the short-lived Germ Attack! team, including Robert Koch, Joseph Lister and Pasteur himself. Tension in the group mounted after the inherent hilarity of Koch's name was discovered and the group disbanded. 
==Trivia== 
*The Tory achedemic award, known as the Louis Pasteur degree, was named in his honor. 
*Was the first to discover Germs, previously thought as Dutch, were actually from Germany. 
*Discovered the cure for Rabbis. 
*In 1337, Pasteur invented the microscope eventually becoming a breakthrough in the development of hygiene. 
*In 1741, he invented the concept of the "talk show" a forerunner of modern day Reality TV. 
*In 1850, discovered sideburns in his Paris laborotory. 
*It is rumored that after the death of Pasteur, the legendary Mike Di Maso wept for two weeks straight, creating what is now known as the Panama Canal. 
*The man who was truly responsible for discovering the process of heating milk without allowing for recontamination was Louis Farley, but the following vaudeville bit made absolutely no sense:
:Young woman: I took a milk bath today !
:Horny man: Farleyized ?
:Young woman: Nope. Only up to my tits !
*His pet rabbit won multiple beauty contests, which gave Louis the name of being a professional child molester.
After a man called Einestin Lookheart who was german and a professor of science he made the first bulb when Thomas Eddison was raping him!
I'll bet you $5 that this is a stub. [ I bet you can't make it better, but you could try. Actually, no you can't].
Category:French people
Category:Scientists
Category:Stub
Category:Men who knew too much
Category:Vital articles
es:Louis Pasteur
fr:Louis Pasteur
it:Louis Pasteur
pt:Louis Pasteur
sk:Louis Pasteur
Love Triangle

Love Triangle is a major cornerstone in modern cinema. No joke. Christian Bale has a little thing I like to call "the King Midas effect". Everything he touches turns to SMOKING HOT. This film is no exception. Bale plays Ben Eldon-john, a successful tie designer living in South California. He's wealthy, he's handsome... and he's in a bit of a pickle! Two women stand upon his coat tails. One, a sassy city girl, editor for the fashion magazine BEND, named Marion (Kate Hudson). The other, an unemployed, free-spirited, humanitarian, half-Jew self-named Earth (Drew Barrymore). These women have two things in common. They both want Ben. And they'll do anything to get him, no matter how stale and cliche their shenanighans. And don't you worry, there's plenty of them!
A tape of Christian Bale telling a women with the name Rabarbara Jones who worked as a caterer on the movie, was leaked onto the internet. The hour long tape of Christian Bale screaming about eating all the salad she had with croutons and kicking over the table with bottled water. The tape was leaked just years after the movie was released. Bale's only statement about the tape was this. "You and me... We're fucking done. Professionally"
Love conquers.
Who will get the Bale?
Directed by Michael Bay and produced by the people that brought you Police Academy 6: City Under Siege, Love Triangle is sure to delight.
==Cast==
* Christian Bale as Ben Eldon
* Kate Hudson as Marion Jensen
* Drew Barrymore as Earth
* Wilford Brimley as Grandpa Eldon
* Josh Hartnett as Chansey Eldon
* Jason Statham as Peter Fish
* Mel Brooks as Death
* Ernie Hudson as Himself
* Molly Ringwald as Homeless Celia
* Missi Pyle as Sandra Bernhard
* Nick Nolte as Gary Busey
* Christopher Lambert as Jason Schwartzman
* Jim Carrey as Man in Pizza Suit
* Billy Zane as Criminally Underused Acting Talent
* Kevin Bacon as Cop #1
* Kevin Bacon as Cop #2
* Kevin Bacon as Cop #3
* Stephen Root as Cop #4
And cameos by:
* Kevin Spacey as Baby Malone
* Peter Weller as God
ja:三角関係
Category:Films
Category:Relationships
Category:Christian Bale
Lovebug

As if Southerners don't have it bad enough, what with all the crocodiles and panthers and all those other animals just waiting to kill you, they have to contend with the absolute most obnoxious creatures on the face of the Earth (besides Jehovah's Witnesses of course). I mean, why does Florida even exist? Love bugs give all those middle eastern countries a good reason to bomb the hell out of America. Worse than that, they're breeding. That means they're gonna need food, and lots of it. Yeah, I mean, at first they'll start with kittens and work their way up to midgets, but eventually, they'll have to start taking humans! Don't worry, I'm sure the government's got something up their sleeve, right? Right?!
==Morphology==
As every smart Southern citizen knows, love bugs were the result of a horrible biological experiment gone wrong (thanks, University of Florida). The fact that they have no natural enemies stems from their impressive arsenal of bio-mechanical weaponry (kinda like a real-life Metal Gear?) This is a rough sketch of two love bugs in Dual-Destruction Mode:
Love bugs, contrary to their name, hate you very much; and as such, will continue to find new ways to destroy you and your entire society, not to mention the world. One of these methods is the common "fly-into-windshield-and-splatter-their-gooey-entrails-everywhere approach", which more often than not results in the driver of said vehicle crashing violently into some sort of gas station, thereby destroying everything in a fiery explosion within a radius of approximately 12 miles.
Love bug venom has enough acidity to melt human flesh, and they will not hesitate to use it. And God help you if you ever step into their Kill Zone, because after that, there's no going back. And basically, the Kill Zone is anywhere they can see you, so uh...yeah, you're screwed.
==Habitat==
Love Bugs have kept to the Southern United States since their creation, living off the local population of saltwater crocodiles. But it won't be long before they spread their sovereignty over the entire expanse of the known world, swallowing it up like a black cloud of death. This scenario will undoubtedly bring about many changes, most notably:
*World War VI
*Biblical Apocalypse
*Hindu Apocalypse
*Buddhist Apocalypse
*Ragnarök
*Armageddon
*another Zork sequel (eek!)
==They're Breeding!==
That's right. What do you expect from a creature that buttfucks twenty-four hours a day? What's worse, they're getting even deadlier every generation (thanks, Darwin!--asshole), so better stock up on provisions, and it might be time to get that 12-gauge out. And I hear that neighbor kid's trying to sell off his RPG Launcher again--you know kids these days.
Most of all, remember: Love bugs do not die. Keep this in mind as you're spraying your Raid in desperation at a swarm of oncoming Mecha-Insects. I know all too well what happens then...And, if one of them aims a missile at you, don't worry--it'll be quick and painless. Mostly.
category:Insectscategory:Things that may be out to get youcategory:Annoying
Low quality 80s middle school science video

In very poorly stylized Impact font, the following words appear on the screen.
LOW QUALITY 80S MIDDLE SCHOOL SCIENCE VIDEO
Then after thirty seconds of people running to music that's done with a terrible synthesizer and drum machine...
©1986
[Black out]
[Slow Vangelis-esque music is heard while the screen is black.]
[Fade back in after thirty seconds.]
"Hello, I'm Carl Sagan. Today I am going to talk to you about..."
[Static]
[Static]
[We can see Carl talking again but we can barely hear him due to the fact that the track is now in sub-par analogue instead of stereo or even on-par analogue.]
[Static]
...
[Re-track; Carl is now seen sitting in a boring meeting. Although the sound is missing, it is safe to assume that he is breaking the fourth wall.]
[Static]
[Black screen]
...
[Buzzing]
...
[Static]
[Static]
...
...
[Static]
...
...
...
[We now see footage that has been taped over by a video of Kenny Loggins singing.]
...
[Something that is unrelated but looks science-y; a man doing something with water.]
[Static]
[Buzzing]
[Buzzing]
[Buzzing]
...
"And that, people, is the scientific reason why every American student is forced to watch at least one science VHS that is static-y, badly made and is impossible to hear while they're in middle school. I hope you learned a lot. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to get a plucking now."
Category:Science
Category:Things That Suck
Category:1980s
Category:School
Ludwig J Wittgenstein

Ludwig Wittgenstein was a philosopher famous for his succinct literary style and deep investigations into the confusion of undergraduates.
=1.1=
Ludwig Wittgenstein used to be the case.
==1.11==
Ludwig Wittgenstein is no longer the case.
==1.12==
Ludwig Wittgenstein ceased to be the case on the 29th of April 1951.
=2.1=
Ludwig Wittgenstein belonged to a class of men known as philosophers.
==2.11==
Ludwig Wittgenstein's early career was based on the existence of the Tractatus and his relation to the book as the author.
===2.111===
The Tractatus was inspired by study under Bertrand Russell and reading of Gottlob Frege.
===2.112===
Ludwig Wittgenstein wrote the Tractatus while the mind experiences the world in the form of the frontline during World War I.
==2.12==
Ludwig Wittgenstein's later career was based on Philosophical Investigations
===2.121===
This was supplemented with income from his career as a rapper ("Witty Cent")
====2.1211====
There was a brief but fruitful partnership with Hurtin' Bertrand and M. C. Escher.
=3.1=
Ludwig Wittgenstein was able to affect the world in its totality by his existence, in particular, the academic world.
==3.11==
His philosophy caused the existence of analytic philosophy.
==3.12==
His rap was also pretty damn great.
=3.2=
Ludwig Wittgenstein is widely considered one of the greatest philosophers of the 20th century.
==3.21==
This is determined by the facts.
==3.22==
When the totality of the facts is considered, it is clear that Ludwig Wittgenstein is a genius.
=3.3=
Ludwig Wittgenstein is the greatest philosopher ever lived.
==3.31==
By consideration of the world and the picture of the world, and our language games, we can arrive at this conclusion.
==3.311==
Yes, even better than Socrates and Plato.
==3.32==
Such considerations lead to the theory of Private Meanings.
===3.321===
There is only one fact universal to all minds.
====3.3211====
The universal fact is the fact that Ludwig Wittgenstein is smarter than you.
=4.1=
As conclusion, we can see that Ludwig Wittgenstein is the smartest man ever lived.
==4.11==
This is determined by state of the affairs in the world, and its relation to the language and the facts.
Category:PLS Entry May 2013