Dirty Affairs

"Dirty Affairs" is the 12th episode of Wiksteria Lane.
==Summary==
Lady Junky is introduced to the newest member of her family, and I luv pll, the maid, announces that she wishes to quit her job. Meanwhile, Renaboss is given a warning by an unexpected someone, Americana continues to try her best to mess with the lives of Lynettefan's enemies, and romance blooms for some...
==Plot==
Renaboss opens his eyes and says, "I know." He's lying down on his hospital bed, following his surgery, having just woken up and feeling a bit woozy. Sitting by his side is DoctorStrange, dressed in all-white. The departed man says, "Some lie to protect themselves. Some lie to... well... to provoke harm. But they all lie. Every last one." Rena simply says, yet again, "I know..." Doc says "Good. Just figured I'd... give you a heads-up." Rena says, "Wait... before you go... is this... are you a ghost? Or... am I just, like... dreaming cos I'm pretty much high right now?" Doc takes his time and says, "Up to you, buddy. Up to you." Rena closes his eyes and takes a deep breath and then opens them again to find Doc is gone. There's no one in the room but him.
"I... do not understand," Lady Junky says, as she sits in her PM room, next to her fiancé, Lynette, with Villain fan and MaryPierceLopez sitting in the adjacent couch. Vf retells what he just said to her: he got a letter from Mary's mother, a Spanish woman, telling him she'd had a child with him following their one-night stand 17 years before, and she never tracked him down out of shame, instead choosing to settle with a young man in her village who always fancied her but for whom she felt no romantic feelings whatsoever. He posed as the child's father, and died a few years later in a car crash. And Mary eventually grew up to learn that he wasn't her real father, so the woman finally tracked him down... and died in another crash herself shortly afterwards. So now Villain is the sole carer for poor 17-year-old Mary. "It's... kind of like our story, dear, I suppose...", Vf tells Lady. "Yes," she says, "Too much like it." Lady doesn't seem happy to see that her father has another daughter. Mary isn't saying much, she just keeps chewing her gum. Lynette says, "Well, it's a pleasure to meet you, Mary. Needless to say, the both of you can stay here with us for as long as you wish, even once the wedding ceremony is over and done with." Vf thanks him, but states that he is looking into getting his own place on the lane. Lynette tells him his old property, 4349, is still available, a comment that pleases Vf. Lynette then calls the maid, I luv pll, and asks her to take Mary's luggage up to the guest room. Pll enters the room, notices Mary's skimpy outfit, and says, "Ay, Dios mío, parece una perra!" Mary hears this, stands up, clearly angry, and says "¡Cállate, cabrona! ¿No tienes un inodoro para fregar?" Pll is intimidated. Lady takes a sip out of her coffe mug, and says, lowly, "Ce n'est pas la faute de la femme de chambre, si tu ressembles à une pute." Mary turns to her and says, "Yo, shut it, hoe, I have no idea what the fuck you just said but I know you called me a bitch." Lady says "Pardon?", and is told "Don't play coy with me. Bitch, please, I've been called a bitch in 11 languages, so you better mind yours!" Vf urges his younger daughter to calm down and sit back down, and apologizes for her behavior. Lynette says this is perfectly alright. "I look forward to having someone with such... energy, spicing up this home." He smiles and drinks some more coffee. He then notices Mary winking at him, clearly flirting.
Jdg98 is up on a ladder cleaning the gutters from Rena's template when Americana approaches him, down below. She asks if it isn't too dangerous for him to be up there, but Jdg comments that he's very capable and agile. Americana then tells him that she knows his roommate is hospitalized, and therefore, should he ever need a lift to the hospital, he can call her, she'd be more than happy to take him there. Jdg is very thankful and tells her he's tired of taking the community bus. Americana takes the opportunity to tell him how sorry she is over Rena's condition, and Jdg tells her he seems to be making a speedy recovery from the gunshot. Americana plays confused, telling him she meant the cancer. Now Jdg is confused. He asks what she is talking about, and she tells him their neighbor, ImmaGleek, told her Rena is hospitalized with pancreatic cancer, and it's terminal. Jdg is shocked.
I luv pll comes into Lynette's office and tells her she wants to quit her job. Lynette is confused and wonders why, and Pll says, "I have los pequeños to take care of, sir, I become stay-at-home mother." "Oh, I, I didn't know you had children, Pll." She nods to confirm that she does. Lynette tells her he's sorry to see her go, as she's been a good maid all this time, but he will respect her decision.
Villain fan is just outside the office, having randomly wandered by, when he is stopped by the ongoing conversation between the ruler and his maid. I luv pll tells her boss she will miss him, and Lynette says he will as well, and he'll mail her the final salary plus a nice bonus later on. Pll leaves, but not before saying, "Oh, and sir... we need more Lemon Pledge." Pll leaves the office, and is stopped by Vf, who feigns sadness in seeing her go. Pll is horrified to see him, and he picks up on this, and says he heard the conversation. "You know... it's really nice that you'd be willing to give up your livelihood in order to be a full-time carer for your children." Pll says, "I no understand, sir...", and is told "I mean... I'm gonna miss you and all, but... oh, wait! I have an idea! How 'bout I... come and visit you?" Pll is frightened. "Visit... me?". "Yes," Vf's tone suddenly changes to a lower, slightly intimidating one, "I mean... I loooove children... and I would be more than happy to meet your kids. All of them. Really... know what they look like. Inside and out. You too. You know what I mean?" The confused and horrified maid simply nods affirmatively. She then says, "I, I, I... I no go." Vf acts surprised. "You... aren't quitting?" "No, sir," she says, "I stay." Vf smiles and says, "Well, wonderful! Marvellous. I would have missed you. But what about your kids?" Pll says, "I no have kids. I lie. I no have kids." Vf acts confused and says, "Oh. Alright... well, then... welcome back. Ah!" He pats her on the shoulder and she trembles with his touch. He leaves, and Pll says, lowly, "El Diablo...", and makes the cross sign on herself again. Then, she goes back into Lynette's office and says, rather loudly, "Sir, I no go!" Lynette is confused. "You're... not leaving?" "No! I no go!" "Well... okay, then. Um... I guess you can get back to work then? Or would you like the afternoon off to clear your head or something?" "I go to store get Lemon Pledge and me voy a lavar las ventanas." She leaves. Lynette is stoic.
Jdg98 shows up at Rena's hospital room, and the latter is surprised to see him. Jdg tells Renaboss that he knows about his cancer. Rena says he didn't want Lady to tell him, but Jdg says it wasn't Lady who told him, the whole neighborhood knew but him. He is indignated, and Rena tries explaining to him that he didn't want to burden him with this, after all, he's just a kid. Jdg says, "You know... you were the only person on this street lately not to treat me like a kid. I happen to be very mature for my age. But the fact that no one can see that... not even you... it actually hurts." Rena says, "I have cancer! I happen to have a lot on my mind right now! Things that include, me dying, me... losing my hair, I... don't give me crap about not picking up the phone and calling you right away!" Jdg says, "Well... I am very, very sorry for you. For your condition. And I could have said that sooner, and shared my sympathies with you, and helped you through this... but you chose to keep me in the dark." "I did it to protect you, to keep you from being..." Jdg interrupts, saying, "You did it!... Not to burden 'the kid'." Moment of silence. Jdg breaks it by saying, "Well... I'm gonna go home. Turn on Disney Channel, or something. Sorry you're dying and junk." Jdg leaves the room, and Rena sighs. As the young man walks down the hall, tears start pouring from his face.
ImmaGleek comes into the office, wearing something more provocative than usual, showing off her legs. He asks her why she isn't wearing her skirt suit as per usual, and she tells him she figured she'd try on something sexier when they commemorated their first anniversary. Lynette is confused, and she tells him it's been one month since they first made love, and she thought they might have another go that night, seeing as how they haven't since. Lynette tells her he's not in the mood, and Imma smiles and says she can fix that for him, and she does this as she sits on his desk, legs crossed. Lynette tells her not to sit on the desk, as it is unprofessional, and she mustn't forget she does work for him. Imma asks why he's being so frigid, and Lynette asks her why she's behaving like that, under the roof he shares with his fiancée. Imma says everyone knows their nuptials will be a sham, even Lady, so why not let himself fool around a bit, have some fun? Lynette says his definition of fun isn't cheating on his girlfriend, and Imma says, "Well, I'm sure that is Lady's definition of fun." Lynette asks what she means by this, and Imma says, "Oh, come on, that Frog slut has been lunging herself at Renaboss like a bitch in heat! Trust me, I'm sure Little Miss Ice Queen Blondie has been poked by the new guy already." Lynette tells Imma, rather loudly and angrily, "You are out of line!" Imma is shaken by this, and asks why he's being so mean. "Surely you knew that already..." Lynette says "Look, Imma, your workday has ended already. Just go home." Imma asks, "What about our date night?" Lynette says, "Are you out of your fucking mind? I never agreed to that, ever. You can't just spring this up on me." Imma says she wanted to surprise him, and she thought he'd be up for it. Lynette says he isn't, and she asks why. "Frankly, my dear...", he starts saying, "Because I don't give the merest fuck about you." Imma is disheartened. She fights back the tears as she starts to leave, and Lynette tells her as she goes, "And don't ever, ever tell me those horrible things you said about my fiancée again. She is a nice woman. A 'lady'. Not a tramp like you." Imma is now only further aggravated, and her tears start flowing, not only of sadness, but of fury. She leaves.
Mary comes down the stairs in Lynette's house, wearing an even skimpier outfit than the one she was last seen in, and Villain, her father, notices this, and asks where she is going dressed like that. Mary says she's gonna go out and try this danceclub she heard about, and Villain says she is not leaving the house dressed like that, it's bad enough already that she embarrassed him so much by showing up originally with such skimpy clothes, that even the maid pointed out were trashy. Mary says she remembers he seemed to like women dressed like this before, and Villain tells her to drop the sassiness and simply go change. "You're just a kid. I'll be damned if I let my daughter leave the house dressed like that." Mary, angry, tells him, "I'm not a kid, dad, I'm a woman!" She starts heading back upstairs, but then turns to him and says, "And thank God for that. Cos we all know what you do to kids, freak!" Villain tells her to quit it and speak lower, otherwise he'll give her a slap. Mary screams out "I hate you!" as she heads for her room. Once she's gone, Vf says, practically whispering, "Back at you, bitch..."
Dr. Sonya walks by Rena's room and the latter calls him in. Sonya says he can't stay for long, as he has a surgery to get to, and Rena tells him he just wants to thank him for being so attentive towards him lately, even though cancer isn't his specialty. Sonya, who lives on the lane as well, tells Rena, with some reluctance, "Anything for a neighbor." Rena smiles and Dr. Sonya excuses himself, insisting that he has to go. Once he's left the room, he enters his office and picks up the phone. "I... I can't do this anymore. It's been driving me crazy. This... is horrible, that we're lying to him, he thinks he's gonna die. This is... it's just too much. I can't agree to it anymore." On the other side, a female voice tells him, "You know what I have on you. You're gonna do it. And you're gonna like it. We're done now." The phone call dies. Dr. Sonya sighs and puts the phone down.
On the other side, Americana puts her cell phone back in her pocket, as she's having a drink with Lynettefan in her new PM room. Lynette asks what it is exactly that she has on Dr. Sonya, and she says everyone has some dust spec in their past, and she found his and used it to their advantage. "Don't worry. He isn't going to crack. He's got too much to lose." Lynette insists on knowing what it is, and she says, "Well, basically, he had an affair with the president of the Glee Wiki." Lynette is shocked. "Yep. The happily married to a young, beautiful woman president of the Glee Wiki. I'm sure the man has threatened Sonya before, to keep his mouth shut. Well... I'm doubling up on that. If he ruins our plan, everyone on the Glee Wiki finds out. And I'm sure the president will NOT be happy about it..." Lynette says, "Americana, can I just say that I love you? I mean, the minute I hire you, you manage to let one of my sworn enemies believe he's dying of cancer. You're just... brutal." Americana smiles and says, "I merely do what I get paid for." Lynette takes a sip of his champagne glass and says, "This PM room looks immaculate."
Lady is in Rena's hospital room, having apparently just told him about her newfound sister. Rena gives her his sympathies, claiming that extended families are a handful. Lady smiles and says, "I don't know what 'handful' is, but is nice of you." Rena asks how her marriage plans are coming along, and she says, "Well... Okay, I guess. He miss a lot of things, Lynette. Cake samples... dress fitting... a lot." Rena gives her his sympathies again, and she smiles and says, "You always do that. I say complains and you say, "I'm sorry..." Rena says "I'm sorry" again, and she smiles some more and says, "Is alright, is cute." Rena says, "Why... don't you talk to him? Tell him you feel neglected?" Lady says she isn't sure if she actually wants him to be there more often. "The thing is... when he is anywhere to be seen... I don't miss him. I don't think about him." Rena asks "...Who do you think about?".
Lady is silent for a while. She just looks at him. Then she moves in closer, and he does too. They kiss. Softly and for a remarkable amount of time, Renaboss and Lady Junky simply kiss.
Behind the kissing lovers, a vulture is seen hiding at the entrance to the room. A cell phone is seen being reached out and pointed at them.
Neatly concealed behind the door, ImmaGleek snaps several pictures of them with her cell phone, and smirks.
Category:Season 2 Category:Episodes