A Weird Creature Killed My Friends and Family

Hello, my name is Bob. I'm here to tell you guys about an experience I had. I am not sure if I really experienced this or if it is the effects of all the drugs I am using. I fucking love meth like, have you ever tried Meth: Crystal Edition? That is a fucking masterpiece! Anyways, here is my experience and the reason why I believe in paranormal shit like Ghost Shrek raping my dear friend Jason.
A week after I moved in with my brother, General Stjepan Sarkotic, after my house was foreclosed, I finished unpacking. Stjepan liked the idea of me moving in, since we had not seen each other for 5 light years, so I was excited, too. I soon fell asleep after I moved in. After a week, I heard moaning coming from outside at about one in the morning. I thought it was just a normal couple doing what normal couples do, so I ignored and tried to fall asleep. The next morning, I told Stjepan about it, and he agreed
The next night, however, I thought I saw some cum sprayed across my window, as if this couple had very hardcore sex and the man turned into a paintball gun that shoots 5 paintballs per second. I darted up and looked around my room, but I saw nothing. The next morning, Stjepan dropped his mini T.T-12 that came with a Croatian WW1 soldier action figure when he saw me. He held up a nearby mirror and I saw myself. I had a large dick drawn on my cheek with a permanent marker.
After I was rushed to the hospital, my doctor told me that he couldn't do about this terrible incident, but then he showed me something that made my blood turn cold. He lifted up my shirt to reveal dicks growing on my chest! I started in his eyes, my eyes widening. "Somebody must've broken into your house and injected a CokNatusX32 into your blood stream." my doctor told me.
I came home. Pissed. "How dare somebody inject a CokNatusX32 into my bloodstream!?" I thought while feeling the emotion known as anger. "Come on man, calm down. It is just a permanent marker." said Stjepan, unaware of my situation. I decided to lift up my shirt and showed him the dicks growing on my chest. He was afraid. "Just... Just like Dad!" He shouted. "What the fuck Stjepan!? Dad is dead! How dare you call him a dick! You piece of shit! He died for our country and for us! Now you calling him a dick?" I shouted. I started getting more angry. How dare he calls our dad... OUR DAD A DICK???? "Wait, no! I didn't call him a dick! I just wanted to say that dad had the same syndrome. The CokNaut Syndrome." Stjepan said. I stood there for about 32 milliseconds. "Wait a second... You know something about this?" I asked. He said "I was investigating this case ever since our father died. He didn't die because of the hypernuclear bomb dropped by the Original Nazis. HIS COCK INFESTED SKIN PROTECTED HIM!" I was shocked. My dad's skin protected him from an explosion? That is impossible. "It seems like after the cocks grow to an extent, they start sucking the person's life energy until the person dies. And after a few months of the person's death, the cocks die as well. Turning the body they belonged to and themselves into dust."
This information shocked me. But I don't think my dad died because of some cocks. No, that can't be the case. I saw his corpse, his corpse was full of knives! There must be a reason. The killer can still be out there! I need to protect brother Stjepan, my other 4 brothers and 2 sisters and both of my mothers. (My mother made out of two women.)
After all this information I decided to study all of this and eventually passed out.
The next night was my breaking point. Around midnight, I woke up to see a truly horrifying sight. I was staring face to face with a creature with no clothing, white body and the same syndrome I had except it was with knives it had no nose or mouth and it was staring down at me like he was the big boy around town. The thing that scared me the most was that it had no eyes. It was blind! I was scared of blind people! It gave me a mindfuck just thinking about them not being able to see black but also not being able to see anything. It creeps me the fuck out.The creature also had some white substance dripping from it's sockets. I tried to get my patriotic Croatian revolver Jimmy and shot the creature. After I shot the creature, it lunged at me and tried to claw open my chest to get to my lungs. I stopped it by kicking it in the face. Then I saw a huge message floating in front of me: "A Wild Creature Appeared!" 
I had to fight this fucking creature like it is Pokemon but on crack!? The creature shouted at me. "I KILLED YOUR DAD, MOMS AND ALL YOUR BROTHERS EXCEPT FOR STJEPAN! AND I AM COMING TO GET THIS FUCKER! LET ME GET HIM AND I WILL LET YOU GO! HURRY UP AND DECIDE!"
I had three options: FIGHT, RUN and ITEM. I chose item. I equipped my trustworthy revolver Jimmy. And chose to fight him. I used fire. The creature dodged! Shit! That will cost alot for repairs! The creature used tackle! Tackle? Really? He uses tackle but he has knives growing on his chest and one of his hands is replaced with German Artillery? What kind of a dumb attack is that- and I fell to the ground. "Creature uses rapid fire!" The knives growing on the creature's chest suddenly started flying towards me at high speed! I tried to protect myself with the dicks just like my dad did. I could protect myself and I shot cum at the creature to make him slow down for a bit. He was all sticky and was stuck to the ground. It was my chance! I took Jimmy and decided to shoot him! 3,2,1... Shoot! I shot this fucker 8 times while my gun can only fire 6 bullets! I don't even have a logical explanation for anything that happened up until now! The creature was just there, covered in cum. I decided that my brother's house is cursed. I took my brother's wallet and ran out of the house. I would need the money.. I eventually ended up in the woods near Stjepan's house and tripped on a rock.
I fell unconscious and woke up in the hospital. My doctor entered the room. The same one who "treated" me before. "I have good news and bad news, Bob." my doctor started. "The good news is that you had minor injuries, and your friends Angelo Bombardino and Adolph Slovaki are going to pick you up." I sighed with relief. "The bad news is that your brother Stjepan has been killed by some... thing. Sorry." That motherfucker. That piece of SHIT! HOW DARE HE? HOW COULD HE KILL MY DEAREST BROTHER STJEPAN!? I furiously left the room, cursing. I met Angelo and Adolph at the exit. They took me home in their shitty car that they built in the junkyard back in Croatia.
My friends took me back to Stjepan's house to collect my remaining belongings. Stjepan died. What if I will see his corpse? I don't want to! But I have to! There is no other way. Upon entering my room, I was scared, but remained calm. I grabbed my camera then stopped dead in my tracks. In the hallway leading to my room, I saw Stjepan's body and something small lying next to it. I picked up the small thing and entered my friends' car, not mentioning Stjepan's corpse. I looked at the thing I had picked up and nearly vomited. I was holding Stjepan's small cock. With a white substance to it. My friends turned back and asked, "What's wrong?" I said that it was nothing and they drove off. During the ride, I saw my friend Adolph who was driving the car, turn into the white creature by taking off Adolph's face. "IT WAS ME ALL ALONG!" the creature shouted. The creature started driving us to the highway until we were nearing a dead end. "Dude if you drive us there we will all die!!!!" shouted Angelo. "THAT IS WHAT I AM TRYING TO DO YOU RETARD! DIDN'T YOU NOTICE I LOOK DIFFERENT?" shouted the creature. "OH BY THE WAY, MY NAME IS JACK!" shouted the creature before we fell. The car fell off and we all fucking died. The last thing I head was that disgusting creature's disgusting name: Jack.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:BATTELS
Category:Beings
Category:Excessive Profanity
Category:Well, that was pointless.
Category:Look at me! I'm SO EDGY!
Category:English Class Failure