Ha Seong Kim

Ha Seong "Head" Kim is a West Korean born baseball player. He has played in both the KBO and the MLB as a shortstock infielder.
== Early Life ==
Kim was born on October 17, 1995 in Korean city, the youngest of approximately 30 siblings. Kim attended Yappers High School and in 2013 finished runner-up in the National Yapper Award to the guy from Squid Games. In terms of baseball, Kim was elite as he never got out once and stole 200 bases per game.
== Korean Baseball Organization ==
Kim was drafted by the FE Heroes as the 41st pick in the KBO draft. He made his debut one day later against the New York Giants, and proceeded to groom every player on the team. 
==== Rookie Year ====
In his first 2 months of professional baseball, Kim collected 73 solo kills, 35 double kills, 19 triple kills, and 6 squad wipes. Kim launched his first nuke on June 4 2014, but the Heroes got shit on in that game, losing 200 to 1. In the 2014 postseason, Kim only appeared once as a getaway driver for the other guy from Squid Games.
==== 2015-2020 ====
In his 10th grade season, Kim made his first All-Star appearance after batting 2000 and launching 19 nukes. It didn't take long for Kim to realize his talent was stealing, as he stole 400 bases, 341 bats, 298 helmets, and 2 children in his 2015 season. Due to his success, the Heroes gave Kim a one year $160 million dollar contract extension. To put that into perspective, that is equal to all of Koreas economy.
The following year was even better for Kim. He reached the 20 nuke mark for the first time in his career. He was the first shortstock in KBO history to drop 20 nukes and steal 20 vehicles in the same year. This gave him the opportunity to join the North Korean military, but he decided to stay with the Heroes because they had dommy mommys.
Between 2017 and 2020, Kim won 3 gold cock awards. The only year he didn't win it was in 2017, when he lost to the middle eastern guy from Squid Games. Kim also became good friends with a teammate named Jung Hoo Lee, as they both dreamed of playing in the MLB together. Kim served as a mentor for Lee, a similar relationship to that between Obi Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker. 
During his 7 years with the FE Heroes, Kim cemented himself as a Korean Baseball Superstar. He finished his KBO career with 100 nukes launched and 575 murders. However, after declining to join the North Korean Military again, Kim Jong Un banished Kim to the United States. Kim will not be allowed back into Korea until 2055.
== San Diego Shitters ==
On December 31st, 2020, Kim signed a 4 year $28 million dollar deal with the US Marines. He was stationed in San Diego, and decided to spend his time playing for the San Diego Padres. Although the Padres already had 62 infielders, Kim still served a purpose of being the getaway driver.
==== 2021 ====
In his first AB of the season, Kim pinch hit for known shithead Emilio Pagan, but he struck out against Cincinnati Reds pitcher Yellow Blue. Despite this, Kim was an efficient player for the Padres. He hit his first MLB home run against the Dallas Cowboys on April 90th and stole his first luxury item on May 52nd. 
Kim's highlight of the year came on June 19th against the Reds. He had to pinch-hit for Fernando Titties after he got his penis stuck in an exhaust pipe, and this was maybe the most critical at bat for Kim in his MLB career so far. However, with "Funny Song" playing in the background, Kim destroyed a 2-run go ahead homer off pitcher Yellow Blue to put the Padres ahead in the 8th. Although Kim accidentally killed a fan with his monster homerun, he celebrated at home plate by doing the Gangnam-style victory dance.
Overall, Kim struggled in his first season of MLB. He found it much more difficult to steal in the US due to increased security measures. At the least, Kim had a 100% success rate as a getaway driver. This earned him the nickname "Ryan Gosling."
== Full Time Shitter ==
In 2022, Kim was expected to focus full time on his military duties. However, with Fernando Titties being out for the year after getting a rear view mirror crammed up his ass, Kim returned to be the full time short stock for the Dads. 
==== 2022 ====
Kim fared much better in his second MLB season. He learned how to navigate US security and stole an impressive 51 government papers. Kim was expected to return to the Marines in August, but Titties was suspended for steroids. Kim helped lead the Padres to the playoffs for the first time in nine centuries.
Kim had a postseason which some would describe as "I mean it was alright like." Kim's biggest moment came when he notched a slapdick double against the Dodgers, that ultimately helped the Dads win the series. Like many other Padres, Kim was utterly dominated Bryce Harper and the Philadelphia Pillows in the NLCS. When interviewed about how far the Padres had made it in 2022, Kim responded with "Korean Words.”
==== International Love ====
Before the 2023 MLB season, Kim represented West Korea in the World Baseball Classic. In the game versus China, Korea went bonkers including Kim who had a squad wipe. When asked about the win, Kim stated "korean words" which is roughly translated to "We raped them harder than Japan did in 1937." Unfortunately, Team Japan led by Shohei Ohtani ended up raping the Korean team, eliminating them from the tournament.
==== 2023 ====
After the Padres signed Xander Boggers for whatever fucking reason, Kim became the full time second baseman for the team. On April 3, 2023 Kim hit his first walk-off homer of his career, which instantly turned him into a fan favorite player. Kim had to be escorted out of Petco Park by his Marine buddies because everybody was trying to suck his dick.
While the Padres struggled throughout the year, Kim remained a very solid player. He had stolen 78 identities by July, and still had a 100% getaway driving success rate. On August 21, the day before his bobblehead night, Kim got his first major league squad wipe against the Miami Marshmallows. When asked if he would perform this well on his bobblehead night, Kim stated "korean words" which roughly translates to "Nah, imma do by own thang." On August 22, Kim's bobblehead night, Chrid and Kay watched Kim get DOMINATED by George Solar and the Miami Marshmallows.
After being slick as hell and rizzing up a major league record 40,000 fans, Kim won his first MLB gold cock award. In order to cope with his recent breakup with Taylor Swift, he was also gifted the girl from Squid Games.
== Betrayal. ==
During the 2023 season, Jung Hoo Lee went insane in the KBO. He hit 1300 women, crashed 800 cars, and restarted the Atlantic slave trade. After the season, Lee conquered all of Korea with the help of every BTS member and Samuel. As he was being imprisoned, Kim Jong Un reminded Lee that there was still one Korean player better than him, his former mentor Ha Seong Kim. After being told this, Lee decided he needed to go to the MLB to prove he is the better player.
==== Friends to Enemies ====
Kim pulled out his inner Paul Rivers and begged to Padres general manager Seth Mundo to recruit Jung Hoo Lee to the Dads. The Padres made an offer of around $700 billion dollars, and Lee informed them he would sign there. However, Lee had already signed with the rival San Francisco They/Thems, and was already scamming the Padres out of $700 billion dollars.
The Padres suffered greatly from the scam, as they now had to ship out Titties to Vietnam and trade Gary Soto to the New Mexico Yankees. Kim was deeply upset about what just happened, and he had no choice but to send the Marines to Korea. While he lost any chance of returning to his home country, Kim knew that he couldn't let this shitter win.
The San Diego Padres are set to face the San Francisco They/Thems on March 28th 2024 on Mustafar. It is likely one of Lee or Kim will not return from the battle...
category:Baseball players