Writing BDSM

Writing BDSM is an essay by Xanthe posted as part of a series of essays and interviews at shared_wisdom.
==Some Excerpts==
==Reactions and Reviews to this Post==
* ladyoflisquill: "Brilliant article. In relation to the Top space/POV thing, one scene that always stood out to me from your Coming Home story was when John was talking to Teyla about Rodney, asking her opinion about going against John's original intention and actually giving Rodney a safe word. I think this scene and the obvious care and love John has for Rodney really brings home the fact that good BDSM stories are not only about both sides of the coin (top and sub) but also, just like the research a writer put into the story, the relationship needs work and attention outside what we see on the finished page."
* jasonsnene: "Thank you very much. This was very informative. I totally agreed on the "guilty pleasure" aspect. I think so many woman are surprised by not only liking slash, but liking their slash with a side of pain, that it makes us want to hide it away. I was completely surprised the first time I stumbled across a fanfic in this genre by how steamy I found it. When I decided to write in the genre, I bought a couple books to read which helped some but I know I still made many errors in my first few fanfics. I found that when dealing with AU/fantasy worlds, you can sometimes lose the essence of a true dom/sub. Like you said, it's all about the relationship and the trust. Now I'm off to read "Coming Home" even though I've never read in that fandom!"
* xanthe: "...yes, finding out you like slash is one thing but then finding you like BDSM with your slash as well... I do think the "guilty" thing is quite prevalent in fandom - I was getting thousands of hits during the posting of "24/7" and a fair bit of feedback too, but the feedback was in no way in proportion to the huge numbers reading the story! I think for a lot of people it's just something they don't want to admit."
* morganslady: "The first BDSM I read was Xanthe's 24/7. It opened a whole new reading world for me. The stories I enjoy most are the ones that contain love not just the play. There has to be real feeling between the top and sub,in order for the story to work for me."
* mickiebg: "Thank you for this very informative post. I've just started reading BDSM fanfic because of one of the talented writers in the QAF fandom. I didn't want to at first, because I was afraid it would turn me off. I was completely surprised when the opposite happened, and I attribute this to the talent of the author who handled the subject matter very well and with a lot of respect for the readers as well as her characters. I think that is what made a huge difference."
* ladyvirgo1956: "For me BDSM is a love/hate/love relationship. I like mild BDSM stories not the real heavy hitting stuff. I have written a few mild BDSM stories. The heaviest one I wrote dealt with being bound and a lot of toys. I recently wrote my first BDSM story dealing with Angel/Xander and Angel fulfilling Xanders Fantasies after he found Xanders Fetish magazines. It has went over great. I labeled it more kinky than BDSM though Xander was tied to the bed and Angel doing his best to give Xander what he wanted. I agree when writing BDSM you are taking your characters OOC if it is from a movie, t.v. show or a book. If they are original characters it doesn't matter. You are writing them the way you see them. If you don't like BDSM whether it is mild or extreme don't read it or write it. Write something you are comfortable with. If the BDSM is just the secondary story and doesn't dominate the story I am most likely to read it. I read a story where I can honestly say 99% of the story was BDSM. I got bored real fast. If a story that has a lot of BDSM and very little substance for me I will quit reading it. A good story to me is broken down into parts the main story dealing with the main subject matter. Romance, H/C, etc. A back story or secondary story dealing with the characters. The third part would be combined with the first two the sex and how they deal with it whether it is BDSM or Vanilla. Keep this in mind and you can have a great story. As a rule I usually stay away from BDSM and or kink style stories. If I come across a writer I know and I know they are a good writer and they have written one I will read it. lit_gal is a good example. She is a great writer and she writes a lot of BDSM stories. Hers I will read. Remember when you write BDSM your readers expect something great not a lot of explaining on what it is. As a reader if you don't like the subject matter don't read it. It just might be too much. A habit I have if I come across a topic or word I'm not sure of I highlight it and do a search for it. It helps me understand the story better."
* blackchaps: "Great article! I thoroughly enjoyed it and you gave some great advice. Seems like every time I join a fandom, I write some BDSM first, just to get it out of my system, of course. *g*"
* jane elliot: "I wasn't sure whether to put this on your LJ or here, but it looks like you'll find it either place, so... This was a *fantastic* essay and it highlighted a lot of the issues I have about BDSM fic, primarily that BDSM fic is usually about, well, BDSM. While I'm all for folks doing whatever they want in the bedroom (as long as it's consensual), I personally have significant control and pain issues. This means that any story that is nothing but control/pain (no matter how much it is desired by the parties in question) is not going to appeal to me. Thus the reason I don't read much BDSM in general. That said, I'm a fast reader and if I only read fic within my comfort zone, I'd have run out of fanfic years ago. Instead, I read stories that skirt my comfort zone, and am often rewarded by fantastic fic where my squicks are overwhelmed by a good story that hits most of my kinks (trust issues, miscommunication, h/c, etc.) The reason I loved Coming Home so much was because the BDSM aspects of the story were significant, and yet incidental to the main plot: two damaged men learning to love and trust one another. I'm a sucker for hurt/comfort and trust issues and was drawn in by this aspect of the novel and for me the BDSM parts of the story were just flavor that added depth to the story as a whole. If there were more BDSM stories like this out there (i.e., stories with intriguing plots and well-developed characters), I'd be reading a lot more of it. (As a side note: I'm very, very glad that you mentioned warnings. I am a responsible reader—I always read the warnings of a story and if I choose to read a story despite its warnings, I'm certainly not going to blame the author for providing exactly what she warned about. This, however, assumes a certain responsibility of writers—to warn readers about certain content in stories. I do think some fandoms go overboard (PWP isn't a warning folks, it's a genre), but at the very least I believe every story should have character death, non-con, BDSM, and underage sex warnings, where appropriate. Urm. Okay, that wasn't entirely on topic, but it's been something that's been bugging me for a while now.) Again, thanks for the wonderful essay; I very much enjoyed reading it:)"
* 1984101: "Although I greatly enjoy most of your work ("Breaking the Rules" and "Back From The Well" are two particular favourites of mine), I think I'm probably in the minority in this comm when I say (with the greatest of respect) I'm not a fan of "Coming Home" and "General & Dr Sheppard". The simple reason for this is I find it very difficult to believe Rodney McKay would ever be a submissive, either in the "real" SGA canon, or the well realised world you created in these fics. In my personal opinion it's just very out of character (although I have absolutely no problem at all with anyone who may think differently). So when you say you find it difficult to read fics in which Rodney tops, I can sympathise greatly, as I have that exact problem although obviously the other way round! For me, as I'm sure it is with you, it's just instinct (and maybe because I'm dominant and I find it extremely easy to identify with Rodney) to categorise Rodney as dominant, John as submissive and Ronon as cheerfully going either way (although that could just be because of the hot mental image, who knows?) It's fascinating and great how people can have such different takes on the same characters."
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