The Kirby Curse

I've been repressing this memory for 8 years. The thought of revisiting the events of that day brings me unbearable dread. However, posting this story might save innocent people, so it is my obligation to spread this warning. It's already too late for my friend...
I was 10 years old at the time. Every Saturday since 3rd grade, I would go to my friend's house and play video games with him. For the sake of privacy, I shall call him Stan. I never had many friends at school, but I didn't mind because I was content spending time with Stan. It was on a Friday when he told me that he got a game called Kirby's Return to Dreamland. Before that cursed day, neither of us had played a Kirby game, so we were both pretty excited. Every day, I think about how I could have prevented all of this if I just destroyed the game disc. Sure, he might have gotten mad at me, but it would have been the best for both of us.
My mother drove me to his house at 1:30 P.M. as usual. Stan and I went into his basement, then he inserted the game disc into his Wii. Stan started a new save file. We then watched the opening where Kirby is holding a piece of cake while running from two other characters (I don't remember their names). They passed by some sort of knight who was reading a book. In the sky, what appeared to be a flying boat fell apart and crashed to the ground. The four went inside the ship and approached a person in a blue cloak. Kirby and the others offered to find the missing parts of the ship for him and he accepted. In the area select screen, Kirby hovered above the area that would scar me for life. Cookie Country...
Unlike Stan, I was able to select my character because I wasn't player one. I chose Waddle Dee. We went to Cookie Country and entered the door to Stage 1. Almost immediately, we encountered another Waddle Dee. It looked like the one I was playing as, but without a bandana or a spear. There was a sign near it telling us to press 1. I pressed 1 while facing away from it, and my Waddle Dee stabbed the air with a spear. At this point, I got the feeling that something was wrong. The game wanted us to attack this creature as though it was an enemy. I guess it was supposed to be, but it made no attempt to harm us. Why would the game want us to attack this innocent creature? Stan faced it and held 1. Kirby had inhaled the Waddle Dee! Stan chuckled slightly and made Kirby jump around for a few seconds, enjoying himself. I had never seen him like this before. He was taking pleasure in torturing this poor, defenseless creature! I felt sick to my stomach while watching the scene. Stan soon stopped jumping around and pressed 1 again. Kirby spat the Waddle Dee out, but in the form of a star. The star vanished after colliding with a nearby block. I couldn't believe it. Stan felt no remorse for killing it. He had just murdered the Waddle Dee, and yet he just kept walking forward as if it had no significance to him. Why would Kirby, who's supposed to be a hero, dole out such a cruel fate on an innocent creature? I was fighting back tears at this point.
I wanted to walk back upstairs and leave, but I didn't. I couldn't. I couldn't stop following from behind and watching Stan's rampage. He shortly killed two more Waddle Dees. After gazing into his hate-filled eyes, I didn't dare tell him to stop, lest I provoke his wrath. We encountered a Blade Knight who was standing in front of a Waddle Dee. It swung its sword in a fruitless attempt to defend itself from the bloodthirsty Stan. He made Kirby inhale it, but after he did, the nearby sign told him to press down on the directional pad. Kirby cruelly and mercilessly swallowed the knight. He acquired a hat and a sword of his own. Tears cascaded down my face. Why would Kirby do this? Was this his twisted way of collecting trophies from his victims? Stan took pleasure in this. He slaughtered the rest of the enemies in his way with the sword mercilessly and without compromise. Each foe he faced was helplessly stabbed and slashed to death by the barbarous pink spherical creature that obeyed his every sick command. He also asked me why I was just sitting back instead of fighting enemies. I just told him that I was still trying to figure out my character. Luckily, he believed me. We reached the end of the area and went through the door.
My hands were drenched in sweat. We found ourselves in an underground area. Stan's massacre continued on. He was completely numb to the violence and suffering he inflicted on those poor souls who did not stand a chance against Kirby's power. I felt nauseous by the time we made it back above ground. My headache wrought unbearable pain. The next enemy we encountered was another Blade Knight. Unlike the last one, this knight had a star shape on their forehead. Stan made Kirby get rid of the sword ability, inhale this new Blade Knight, and swallow it. He obtained a new ability. Ultra Sword... Kirby's appearance was similar to the normal sword transformation, but the hat and sword were more intricately designed. Stan made Kirby approach a land structure with two Waddle Dees on it and pressed 1. The sword grew to an enormous size and Kirby swung it. Not only were the Waddle Dees killed, but the land structure was destroyed as well. Not only was Kirby a mass killer, he was also an anti-environmentalist! Does his malevolence have no limits? I couldn't stand to watch the depraved butchery. Stan looked like he was impressed with what he had done. This "game" was turning him into a cruel, demented sadist. He ran to another structure with three Sir Kibbles on it, and they met the same twisted fate as the Waddle Dees.
I couldn't take it anymore. I had never witnessed such depravity before. I vomited on the basement floor. As Stan got up and asked me if I was okay, I fainted. During the time I remained unconscious, I experienced a horrible nightmare. I stood alone in an empty black void. I walked around, but nothing happened. Eventually, I heard footsteps. I turned around, but no one was there. I looked all around the area, but I could not find the source of the footsteps. Then, standing several feet away from me, he appeared... Kirby. He didn't look like the Kirby in the game, though. He looked like a pink, round human head. Under where the ears would normally be on a human head, were pink human-like hands. Under the head were two red human-like feet. We stared at each other for what felt like hours. I wanted to scream, but I couldn't. I couldn't run from him. And then he said it...
"Hi!" in his high-pitched voice from the game. Immediately after, he sprinted toward me.
"KIRBY, NOOOOOO!!!!" Those were my last words as he reached my location and inhaled me.
I woke up in my room. My mother sat at the edge of my bed and told me that I had passed out in Stan's basement. She told me that Stan said I was profusely crying and got nauseous as we were playing Kirby's Return to Dreamland and that he had no idea why. I was terrified and furious. Not only did this "game" turn him into a cold-blooded killer, I knew that no one would believe me if I told the truth. That Monday, I was dropped off at school at the same time as Stan. I was petrified when he approached me. He asked me if I was feeling okay. I was horrified at what he would do to me, especially if I told anyone. If he can serenely exterminate Waddle Dees, imagine what he could do to me. After just staring at him in pure terror for a few seconds, I sprinted inside the school and made it to class. I wish I didn't have to, but I cut off all ties with him. I refused to talk to him, go to his house, or answer his calls. I had to stay away from him if I wanted to survive. After a few weeks, I saw him spending time with another boy. I overheard one of their conversations during recess, and they were talking about how they had so much fun playing Kirby's Return to Dreamland! Stan became an accomplice in the brainwashing of more children! 
Both Kirby and Stan are menaces to society. Luckily, I have managed to evade them all this time. I have seldom left my house for years. My mother has been telling me to go out more, but she doesn't understand the horrors out there. She should be thanking me for boarding up the windows instead of treating me like a crazy person! I can only imagine how many innocent people Stan has brainwashed into becoming sadistic killers. If one of your friends invites you to play Kirby's Return to Dreamland, DO NOT accept the invitation, and stay far, FAR away from them.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Vidya games
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Read by MichaelLeroi