Epic@~!

Capone Shchlieden Cap-One, famous Jazz musician, was currently going to attend his daughter's wedding. Since she was having a wedding today, he wanted to look good for it. However, he recently got into an epic fight with Danger Man, and he was bruised all over the place. So he wore a cloak.
He entered the church were he immediately bumped into his daughter. "Oh, father, thank you for coming to my wedding! I've waited ten years for this, spent 4,000,000 bucks for it, AND IT'S FINALLY HERE!AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!! JEEZE, I'M GOING TO HAVE A FREAKIN' HEART ATTACK! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Her mouth foamed up and she passed out.
"Charline! Charline!" Capone said in a Mexican accent.
1 Hour LATER...
Charline had awoken from her spazz out. She saw that Schlieden Jr. came in. He was the flower man and Capone's son, and her brother. He was a tiny, idiot-looking man and was chubby. He was less than two feet tall and he had one yellow buck tooth that was 1-inch long. He was already throwing flowers even though the wedding hadn't even began yet. He awkwardly shambled whenever he walked, and whenever he tried to speak, only an elephant-like roar came out. He always had a serious look on his face. He was actually pretty smart in his sleep, as he divided crazy math problems in his sleep. Charline had always dreamed of him getting knifed.
Suddenly, the main focus of the wedding entered. He was extremely tall (14"3, to be exact,) and he had pulled back, blonde, messy hair, a goatee, had a serious look on his face, and was carrying a bunch of flowers. He smiled confidently, and came across Schlieden Jr. The tiny man was also holding flowers, and let out a guttural growl. The stronger, taller, and just plain more deserving to exist man drop kicked Schlieden Jr. into the stalls, slamming him into a wall and knocking him unconscious.
Charline gasped. "ALDO!" she shouted the man's name, and hugged him. Capone looked on happily.
20 minutes LATER...
Schlieden Jr. had, unfortunately, awoken, and everyone was gathered to witness the wedding commence. Charline and Aldo held hands, as a bored looking man with a lion face and an oversized chef's hat stepped up on the stall.
"Alright, alright, everybody shut your cake holes, the wedding is gonna *yawn* start." Everyone cheered.
"Alright, alright, Aldo. Alright, alright, would you, Aldo, like to take this womanas your bride, blah blah blah?"
"YES!" He shouted happily.
"Alright, alright, you?" the man asked Charline.
"YES!" She shouted in reply.
"Alright alright, you may kiss the bride."
The two obliged, and their lips almost connected - before a body dropped through the window, and landed right on Aldo!
Everyone looked on in silenced shock. Capone ran up to Aldo, and checked his pulse. Not a sign of life. Even the bored priest looked shocked.
"It is too late," stated Capone, a tear forming at his eye, "he is deceased."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!" Charline screamed, and slapped herself.
"Charline, stop! Bringing pain upon yourself will not-" Charline's high heel rammed into his mouth, breaking some of his teeth. "Aaaaaah!"
"Shut up! Just shut up! You don't understand!" Charline yelled, stamping him. "TEN YEARS! TEN YEARS AND THIS HAPPENS!" She sobbed and cried.
Charline continued to beat on her own father, until a voice interrupted.
"Enough," the voice came from a short old lady, about 5"8. She had all brown teeth and golden lipstick, grey haired pulled back in a pony tail, and a serious look plastered on her face.
"Aunt Picle! I thought you said you had a funeral to attend to! What is your reason for being here?" Charline said.
"Violence is not the answer," Aunt Picle said, ignoring Charline's reaction, "but there is also something we must be concerned tenfold about." She walked solemnly
over the body that fell over the now deceased Aldo's head. "This thing." She kicked the body softly.
"Tenfold? TENFOLD?! NOTHING CAN BE WORSE THAN LOSING YOUR FIANCEE ON A 
WEDDING YOU WAITED A DECADE AND PAID LOADS FOR!!"
Picle turned around. "Everybody except Charline," she said casually, "get under the stalls." They did as obliged, and Capone pulled himself under a stall.
Charline raised an eyebrow as Picle lowered her eyes. Then she opened them all the way, staring straight into the soul of Charline. Charline shook, and passed out.
"What?! Was that..?" A person attending the wedding asked.
"Yes. Haoshoku Haki. The will of the kings. Only one out of a million people have it," another person said.
Picle turned around and back-kicked Charline, waking her up. Picle had shut her up, and she didn't say a word again about her rant. Capone peeked out from under the stall. Everyone sat in silence, staring at the body. Then, something unexpected happened.
"How are you gentleman?" the body said, startling everyone. It's mouth wasn't moving, and it was still on the floor. It's mouth was glowing. "All your base are belong to us. You are on the way to destruction. You have no chance to survive make your time ha ha ha."
"Who are you?" Picle said, calmly.
The answer she got was a living person burst out of the body, startling everyone, even so much that it knocked out the priest.
The person flew around the room for a few seconds, before Capone knew who it was.
"D-Danger Man!"
Said man swooped down over Picle, did a swift 360 turn, held out his arms, and rammed right into Capone!
The force was so powerful that he was able to hold Capone in his grasp, smashing through the church doors and out into Sunday afternoon park. All the wedding attenders, even Picle, expressed wide-eyed shock at the scene before them.Schlieden Jr. ran around in circles, making an elephant sound. The idiot.
Danger man got up and towered over the grounded Capone. "Yo that's right! Danger Man here, ready to kick yo behiiiiinds!"
Danger Man did a cool walk back into the church. "Hell's yeah! Who wants to get owned first?"
An ear splitting scream interrupted his killing spree. He turned back, and saw Capone had pulled a microphone from somewhere and did a sonic boom into it.
"Ya foo! That freakin' hurt! Prepare to face the wrath of-"
"Shut your trap, you tasteless piece of flesh," Capone interrupted.
"What?! WHAT?! No body talks smack about Danger Man! NO ONE!" He farted, which triggered him to missile into Capone, who held his stomach in pain as he was tossed like a salad into the trees, knocking them down.
Danger Man turned again, ready to finish off the attenders. However, a beautiful sound came from where Capone landed. As the smoke cleared, Danger Man realized Capone had gotten up and was playing a magical tune with a saxophone.
Danger Man held his head in pain. "It's...too...beatiful...can't take it!" However, Danger Man saw an advantage as Capone's eyes were closed. He stuck his fingers in his ear and did a powerful kick which sent him flying into Capone's stomach, like how somebody would soar in the air if someone attached an iron ball to there limbs and threw it.
Capone was caught completely off guard as Danger Man beat on his face, kicked it, and finally headbutted him back into the church. He approached Capone, knife in hand.
"Hell's yeah! None of ya'll can save this here foo-" Before he could finish, he felt a powerful foot slam into his head, knocking him into the stalls and knocking down a few of them. Capone looked up to see his saviour.
"S-Schliedon!" He said.
Schliedon smiled. "You never learn, uncle," Schliedon chuckled, "do you?"
"I suppose not," Capone sighed, then smiled, "nephew."
"So, who is this fool?" Schliedon asked.
"He's Danger Man," Capone said, "a horrific mutant revived by the Cauldron Of Evil. I defeated him earlier, but he came back for revenge, and is much stronger."
Schliedon huffed. "Well," he said, "if this guy was knocked out just by one kick, you must be pretty weak, uncle." Schliedon laughed loudly. He then turned his attention to the body of Danger Man, who was picking himself up off the ground. He spat blood, his glasses hanging from a gap in his teeth.
"YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Danger Man bellowed, quaking the church and all inside it.
A question mark formed on top of Schliedon's head. This was a strange ability that only Schliedon could possess.
Danger Man then took his glasses off his mouth, approached Schliedon, and stuffed the glasses in his face. Danger Man then started to scream "NO IDIOT HITS DANGER 
MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!!!! NO MORON HITS ME!!! NO FREAKLIN ONE!!"
Schliedon took the glasses off his face, threw them to the ground, and said "THAT was your revenge? Throwing your freakin' glasses in my face? And "freakin'" doesn't have an "L" in it, MORONE."
"YO! YOU DONt SPELL MORON WITH AN "E", FOO!!!"
"Coming from you, not to mention you just spelled "don't" with a lower case "T" when the rest was in caps lock, and "fool" has an "L" at the end. Is there like, something wrong with your "L"'s? And oh GOD again with the typos - your supposed to use quotations when your saying a word as an example."
While this rather pointless argument raged on, Capone pondered something. "Wow," Capone said to himself, "his insults are much better than mine."
Apparently this was the case at least to Danger Man as well, as he flew into a fit of blind rage.
"NO ONE NEVER EVER INSULTS DANGER MAN!!!!!! ESPECIALLY THAT BADLY!!!!!!! FACE 
My RATH!
"The author just spelled "wrath" wrong... Or maybe it was just to show your stupidity?" Schliedon said.
"Flabbergasting..." Picle said, "he's openly insulting Danger Man like that. Not to mention he just broke the fourth wall."
Danger Man charged. "DIEEE!!!!!!"
2 and a half seconds later...
Danger Man lay on the ground, defeated and bloody, his face swelling with defeat. Schliedon stood over his defeated opponent, superior.
Schliedon started to walk away from the downed body of his opponent. "Tsk tsk, uncle," Schliedon said, smiling deviously, "That was your most difficult opponent?"
"Yes, and it makes me feel discouraged that you defeated him so easily." Capone smiled, wiping dust off his sleeves. "At least that's over. But Aldo..."
"Yup," Schliedon sighed, "it's too late."
Suddenly, Charline marched towards him. "THAT'S all you can say?! That it's too bad? YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! YOU DON'T!" She sobbed and screamed, while Schliedon was 
exasperated and just sat on a chair while Charline suffered.
And then came the shot.
Everyone was shocked as the gunshot went off. Charline lay bloody on the ground, a bullet in her ribs. Danger Man picked himself up off the ground, holding a smoking, old fashioned pistol.
"FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The most violent, loud, and long scream the attenders had ever heard erupted from Danger Man's mouth. It was enough, Picle thought, to shake even her Haoushoku Haki.
Schliedon had another question mark form on his head. Was this Danger Man guy seriously implying that he could beat Schliedon, who had kicked his ass in a manner of 2 and a half seconds?
Schliedon got up, turned toward Danger Man, and gave him the most venomous, dangerous look ever.
"Just what are you planning to do? Kill me with your horrific vocabulary?"
Danger Man screamed again, and pulled out his pistol he used to shoot Charline.
"What the hell is that pipsqueak of a weapon gonna do?"
Danger Man fired it at Schliedon, who didn't even dodge it. But Schliedon didn't expect the bullet to turn and pierce Charline a second time!
The other attenders screamed again. Was she dead?
"How did you do that?" Asked Schliedon.
"I got it from the black market in Arabia," Danger Man smiled, before another shot fired.
Since Schliedon didn't know who Danger Man was aiming for this time, he had a difficult time deciding. Hoping for the best, he jumped in front of Charline's body to protect her from a third shot.
But the bullet didn't go for Charline. It twisted past Schliedon's face and aimed for Picle's heart.
"Gran!"
However, Picle did not even flinch. Instead she grabbed the bullet in mid air, twirled it around, and shot it straight back at Danger Man!
Danger Man, thinking fast, shot another bullet at the one previously fired. A spark formed in the air, and both the bullets shredded.
Danger Man took the time to reload. Schliedon took advantage of this and tried to punch Danger Man in the face, but he had already shot a bullet towards an attender which turned back and hit Schliedon in the back.
Danger Man stomped Schliedon's back. "FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! NOW IT'S YO TURN TA BE PAINNED!"
Danger Man fired a bullet at Schliedon, and, in the art of poetic justice, the bullet went straight back to Danger Man's chest.
Danger Man cried out in pain.
"You idiot!" said Schliedon, kicking him with both feet at Danger Man's wound, knocking him down.
Danger Man coughed, and looked up to see that Schliedon was standing over him, pointing his gun to the side. Danger Man grabbed the gun out of his hand and fired it point blank again, idiotically, and it hit Danger Man again.
It was official - Danger Man was the dumbest creature ever to walk this planet. He stumbled back, blood pouring from his mouth like a waterfall. "I-I'll get C Stumbler in here to finish the job..." Danger Man choked. He collapsed, and took out some kind of remote control from his pocket. He pressed a cliche looking red button, and fell back, finished.
Schliedon spat and approached Danger Man. He kneeled down and checked his pulse. "Glad that's over," Schliedon said, frustrated. He then the grabbed the remote thing from Danger Man's hand. "What the hell is this crap?"
The red button of the remote then flashed green and shot a beam of light at Schliedon's face, causing him to shield his eyes. The beam then disappeared and the button, still green in color, started blinking slowly. It then got faster, when the least expected thing happened - a hologram appeared form the button.
It was a green colored hologram of a man. He was tall like Danger Man, except he wore a purple hat and a squeaky looking purple...dress? Then the controller began to speak, in a robotic woman voice, "C Stumbler. Criminal. Born in 1959. Made fun of in school because of his strange fashion sense. Vowed revenge on all who defied him, and started a gang called the Boppers, originally called the Purple People. It was changed for being too stupid. Joined Danger Man in 1997. Age: 43. Height - 6"5. Weight. 230 lbs. Well, that last bit was the key information. He was a Danger Man affiliate.
Then another voice, which didn't seem to generate from anywhere, arrived. It was a male voice this time, but just as robotic. "C Stumbler. The speed of light and the strength of 10,000 tanks. A force to be reckoned with. Run. Hide. Before he finds you."
As if on cue, a huge tank burst through the back of the church. The walls crumbled into dusty debris, some of which landed on wedding attenders, forever trapping them under their mighty grasp.
By huge, I mean huge. Imagine the biggest cow you ever seen, you know, like the one on that Bull of Heaven cover. Multiply that cow by 20 times, and you would have this tank.
On top of it stood C Stumbler. It was undoubtedly him, standing straight and strong with a purple hat and dress. The man began to, well, stumble down from the top of the tank and land at the bottom of it. He scurried up, and got into a karate pose. "C STUMBLER IS BACK IN ACTION!" he said, waddling over to Danger Man. "DANGER MAN! NOOOOO!"
Schliedon facepalmed. This guy was 43 years old? More like 4. He figured it would be even easier to kill this guy than it would be Danger Man.
"When will this end?!" Capone said from beneath a stall.
"As soon as I pinch this guy," Schliedon said, somehow hearing the comment of his far off uncle. 
"I will avenge you...Danger Man..." C Stumbler said. Then he laughed like an insane hyena and pulled out a stethoscope. He put it to Danger Man's chest and it somehow electrocuted his body. Still laughing, Stumbler pulled out a light saber device from his pocket, and created a shield around him and Danger Man. C Stumbler then pulled out a bottle of pills from his other pocket, and took a handful of them in Danger Man's mouth. "Don't worry, bud," C Stumbler said, smiling evilly, "you'll be pooning all these noobs in a few minutes!"
"What did you do? Kill him even further?" Asked Schliedon.
"I WOULD NEVER KILL MY BROTHER! YOU DESERVE TO BE PLUNGED INTO THE DEEPEST PITS OF EL INFIERNO!" C Stumbler shouted, raising his fist to the heaven. Then he calmed down. "Oh well. Time to die, asesinos!" C Stumbler then waddled back to the tank, hopped in, and saluted the attenders mockingly. He ordered the unseen driver to turn the tank around and they slowly left the building.
Schliedon rubbed his temples in frustration. "Will it end?" He said. Then he snapped his fingers, and a shuriken of light appeared and locked on to the tank. When the shuriken arrived at the tank, and the 20 cow sized war machine blew up, taking C Stumbler's life along with it.
The wedding attenders looked on in shock at the dust and debris around them. The burning tank stood in front of the carnage, C Stumbler no where to be seen but definitely dead.
Schliedon grunted and lougied on the remains of the tank. "Too easy," he said.
Then something unexpected happened. The deceased body of Danger Man began to rise up from the grave. It was like he was being pulled by an invisible force. Suddenly the force dropped him, and he got up!
Danger Man looked dazed and confused at first. He looked around, then saw Schliedon.
"Urgh," he mumbled, "who are you? What happened?"
"What?" asked a shocked Schliedon. "How?"
Then Danger Man started to flash back. He held his head in pain, and then remembered.
He turned to the tank. "YOOOOO!" he shouted. "C STUMBLAH!"
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