Cat door

A cat door is a plastic lid that you can lift to throw the cat in. The garbage bin is then closed again by lowering the lid and securing it with a padlock.
Contrary to contrary assumptions, the cat does not have to go hungry because it finds plenty of leftover food in the garbage bin. Because so much food is thrown away in the countries of the global north, the children in Africa are all going hungry. But the discarded cat doesn’t have to go hungry. Since she urinates and defecates in her food in the garbage bin, she can even feed on her own excrement. Contrary to contrary assumptions, the cat does also doesn’t have to go freezey because fermentation gases are produced in the garbage bin, which give off a certain amount of heat. The cat is also a warm-blooded animal and generates enough of its own body heat and can protect itself from the icy winter cold by burying itself in the garbage, which acts like a fuzzy warm blanket.
The cat has nothing to do in the garbage bin. It just sleeps all day. It is a useless pet, stupid, lazy and voracious.
Children growing up in the countries of the global north spend a lot of time on computers. They are completely unathletic, have neither strength nor endurance nor agility nor speed. The federal government’s parenting guide recommends throwing the computer out the window and slapping the kids left and right. They then are to be chased outside into the icy winter cold, just wearing shorts and t-shirt, so that they can breathe some fresh air in the garden.
Children are not very happy when someone takes their computer away and destroys it. Breathing fresh air, they become really aggressive and beat each other on the snout. If the nose has bled enough, it’s the cat’s turn. The children take turns kicking the garbage bin and are happy to hear “meow-meow” from the garbage bin. Then their mood drastically improves and the children enjoy being outside again, just like in the good old Hitler days or under Helmut Kohl in the old Federal Republic.
If the garbage bin is opened by the garbage collector on collection day, it is possible for the cat to jump out and slash the garbage collecting apprentice’s entire face with its razor-sharp claws. Some cats also bite into the face of the garbage collecting apprentice and eat away the soft tissue down to the skull bone. Wearing his black gangster hood, the garbage collecting apprentice’s apprentice looks like the grim reaper, due to his gnawed clean skull face. An experienced garbage collector first sprays pepper spray into the air valve of the garbage bin, whereupon “meow-meow” can be heard from the garbage bin.
In the garbage truck, the cat is always turned in circles, but the centrifugal force is not enough to make a complete loop. The cat only completes half a revolution and then falls vertically downwards. When it has landed gently on the ground in the soft garbage, it repeats being carried half a turn, so that “meow-meow” can be heard from the garbage truck.
== Cat swatter ==
The cat door is often confused with the cat swatter. A cat that is not yet to be thrown in the trash bin can be trained into an obedient pet using the cat swatter. The pets’ obedience training is the responsibility of the children, just as obedience training the children is the responsibility of the parents. If the children neglect their pet duties, the parents will punish them vicariously for all of the cat’s misdeeds. For example, if the cat scratches the wallpaper or tears up the sofa, so that the foam rubber is hanging out, the parents will smack them with the cat swatter as if they had torn the wallpaper or slashed the sofa set themselves.
== Throttle ==
The butterfly valve is used to eliminate annoying songbirds in the garden. It is part of the fully automatic throttling. As with the cat flap, the throttle is opened, the song thrush is thrown in and the throttle is closed again. Unlike the cat in the garbage bin, the thrush is not fattened with garbage, but is slowly strangled by a strong robot arm. The throttle machine, which looks like an old, green laundry spinner with white and yellow flashing lights, rattles like an old washing machine into which a Ukrainian YouTuber has thrown a brick. The children think it’s cool when the machine jumps through the flower bed and crushes all the plants. They view the machine from a safe distance so as not to be crushed themselves, and are more afraid of the machine than of their pansy parents.
Once the machine has calmed down, a silver bell sounds and the dead bird lands in the landing flap at the bottom. The cat is conditioned to the sound of the silver bell and begins to drool. She eats the bird straight out of the machine and then goes back to sleep in her cat basket. Cats are such lazy and unnecessary animals! In the past, they had to climb the trees and catch the birds themselves, for example in the good old Hitler days or under Helmut Kohl in the old Federal Republic. However, due to the tightening of the animal protection law, this would be considered animal cruelty now, which is a bloody disgrace.
== Medical Benefits of Cat ==
Pets are good for children’s health as they prevent allergies. If you rub children dry after bathing or showering, using a cat instead of a terry cloth towel, they will be exposed to allergens. This will prevent them from developing a cat allergy, or if they already have one, they will be immunized against the cat allergens. If an anaphylactic shock occurs, you have to ram a thick-needle epinephrine syringe (EpiPen) into their flesh and then call the emergency doctor. That’s the only purpose a cat has, otherwise you can safely throw it in the bin.
== See also ==
* baby hatch
* Cat door on Wikipedia
Category:Cats
nds:Katzenklappe
ru:Кошачья заслонка