Four Calling Birds

"Four Calling Birds", released on December 28, 2018, is the fourth installment of the 12 Days of Hello Internet series. The series consists of twelve parts, released one day at a time from December 2018 to January 2019, that together serve as Hello Internets fifth annual Christmas special and as its 116th overall episode.
28th of December and it's another mini-sode. It never ends people. I mean it does end. It ends after 12 days. This is the fourth day. Yeah, you're right. This is the fourth day of Christmas. So we're one third of the weigh-in. What's the fourth day of Christmas in the song? Do you know? I don't know. I have to run through the song in my head. Wait, do you know the song in your head, do you? I don't even know. I've got to go back or it's 12 drummers drumming, 11, something, something. Five is gold rings, isn't it? Five gold rings, six isolane, four partridges in a poetry. Now you just speak silly. Okay. It's four calling birds, which is one I wouldn't have four calling birds right? If you'd given me a year, I wouldn't have remembered that four calling birds. That is a forgotten line for me. It's not a very striking line. In fact, I'm looking down what they all are. I'm going to make the call here and now that the four calling birds is the most forgettable of all of the phrases in the song. Because I reckon I probably may have guessed all of the others, not got the number right, but got the phrase right. But calling birds is anonymous to me. Well, happy calling birds day. The calling of the calling birds day. I'm sorry, calling birds. And like are calling birds a particular kind of bird, or is it just birds that are calling? It's a very bird dominated song, isn't it? Yeah, that's true. What's the big deal with birds? We've got the partridge, the turtle, the hens, the calling birds, geese swans. Right. And then they fall away. There were no more birds. But it's almost 50% birds. Yeah, what's the big deal with birds? I'd be disappointed if people kept giving me birds Christmas. Nothing like enough of the birds. I want an iPhone. Yeah, even just as partridge is a hassle. Thanks for nothing. Yeah. And where the hell am I going to put a pear tree? Is the pear tree for the gift? Or is it just the partridge in the pear tree? Like are they saying, see that partridge up there in that pear tree? That partridge is for you or is that the whole gift? Look, I've got a partridge and the pear tree. It is a partridge in a pear tree. Yeah, it's in the tree. That's not endotry. I thought it was a partridge. It's in a pear tree. Partridge in a pear tree. Yeah. That's why it's like what you get wrapped up is a partridge that is in a pear tree. The two are together, I would imagine you're unwrapping the pear tree, which I have no idea what it looks like. And then the partridge sticks its head out and it's like, oh, isn't this exciting? A burden that I have to look after. It doesn't have to be wrapped though. It could just be already in the ground. It could be see that one over there. Yeah. The pear tree is even live though. I don't know. Is it a pear tree even a real thing? I don't know. Where do peaches come from? That's like when you shake pictures of pineapples and you're like, that can't possibly be how pineapples are. That's an apple tree. Behind you is an apple tree in my backyard. The whole time we've been recording, there's been a big pigeon in it. That's gone now, which is a real shame because it would have been a really nice moment if you looked around and I said, Gray, for the fourth day of Christmas, I've got you a pigeon in an apple tree. It doesn't have the same ring do it. That's not a pigeon in an apple tree. That's ridiculous. What kind of gift is that? Partridge in a pear tree or nothing. What do you get the man who has everything? You've got a Christmas card. Yeah. I picked up a Christmas card. Oh, I can see the back of it and it's got someone's seen how this I would invalidate a card that had the back of it. So someone has drawn flagy flag on the back of the cut. Oh, look, the pigeon just landed in the apple tree right now behind you. See? Yes. That is a pigeon breeding. That's for you, Gray. Merry Christmas. I arranged that for you. It just landed just then spectacular. Yes, people. I'm looking at a magnificent pigeon. It's been there the whole time we've been recording. So all the other episodes that it's not just the three or four minutes of this episode. So come back every day. They've drawn flaggy flag on the back. But Gray, if we are to preclude every single card that has had flaggy flag drawn in at this Christmas, we would be precluding a lot of our cards. The flaggy flag people will not let go. I mean, look, my feeling on the Hello Internet style guide is that we never acknowledge the existence of flaggy flag except when we are crushing it beneath our boots. But it is the holiday season. Okay. And so I'm willing to let it go just this time of year. Okay. Because I'm feeling generous. Okay. On the fourth day of Christmas, we got four flaggy flags. Yes. So we have a penguin card. Obviously, we have had many penguin cards. We have had many, many carats. And this one, which also helps it slide under my, I'm feeling generous. It says, RIP, CGP Gray, the penguin. And also, Garth the deer as well. Cannot be forgotten. Garth, the Christmas deer, remember? Yes. With the pace of tin. So that was a Christmas story. Garth the Christmas deer. So this has also helped the card get through. It is paying respect to the slowly increasing number of dead animals on the podcast. What's in the card? Anything good? This card has no question. It is merely asking for a moment of silence for CGP Gray, the penguin, and Garth, a moment of silence for the departed animals of Hello Internet. Before we start this moment of silence, could I ask you all to turn to your podcast players and switch off the feature that takes away silences so that you don't just hear us say a moment silence and then go to the next sentence. As we all now go and turn off whatever it's called, silence skipping mode or whatever, turn it off as we have this moment. And look, you look at the pigeon. It's like almost like it's on the visual. I don't know why you're so obsessed with this pigeon. Sorry. Moment silence. Okay. Back. There you go. Oh, very serious moment there on the podcast. And the holidays, they're happy time, but always it's always linked to thinking of those who are no longer with us. Yes. So it's appropriate that on our fourth day of Christmas. Yes, this is acknowledged. Okay. I agree. Well done. Okay, I've got a card here for a pretty little lamp on the front. It's like very sort of paper made and we're going to open it up. Oh, wow, great. You want to say what just happened? That was quite something. This is one of these very, very fancy pop up Christmas cards. Like I know what you're thinking of in your head when you're thinking of a pop up Christmas card, but this is way more detail. And I believe this company does like laser etching of these pieces, but it's a very complicated 3D Christmas tree that is popped up with a little village behind it. It's a beautiful card. It's lovely. But what would you do with it? If it's given to you, do you then put it on your shelf like? No, yeah, I think you'd have to lay it flat and display it. You'd lay it flat and display it. All right. And there's a little tab on the side that if I pull that out, the message has been hidden on another lovely piece of card. This is someone with lovely handwriting. Mark from Missouri. Is it St. Louis or St. Louis? I would say St. Louis. Right. And if there's one thing I do know is people love to tell you that the obvious pronunciation of their place is, oh, that's not the way locals say it. No, it's like Nevada. So there's a few suggestions here from Mark. I'm going to go with this one here. Well, we'd love talking about Star Wars at Christmas. We already have spoken about once. Right off the bat. Yeah. Why stop? Let's do it again. Because we've been asked here, this is an interesting question. What are your memories of watching Star Wars as kids? Do you remember the first time you saw Star Wars? No, I don't remember a life before Star Wars. I don't think I was a cognizant self-aware creature at that point in time. Okay. I remember the first time I saw Star Wars. I think it was on a tape on a VHS tape or it was on TV. It was definitely on a TV set. And I remember where I was sitting in the lounge room. I've probably told this story before. So apologies if I have, but all I remember was before watching it, dad told me this is a cool film. And it's got this hero called Luke Skywalker. And I'd built myself up into a frenzy of how important Luke Skywalker was. And every time a person appeared in the film until Luke Skywalker appeared, I would ask, is that Luke Skywalker? So you know at the start just before Darth Vader comes into the runner and like, you know, all the rebels are hiding behind the walls waiting for the stormtroopers to shoot them. And they're all bunch of old men in suits all that looking out and getting all this looks scary. And there's a few close-ups of these men's faces. I was always, is that Luke Skywalker? My dad's like, no, is that one Luke Skywalker? No, is that Luke? No, I will tell you when it's Luke Skywalker. He's not on this ship right now. So I still remember being a little boy and my dad being annoyed by me asking if every single character in the film was Luke Skywalker until he finally arrived. My strongest memory of Star Wars as a kid is the VHS set that had the three faces on it where it had like the stormtrooper. It had Darth Vader and it had Yoda on it. And this was like a VHS edition of Star Wars that my dad had bought. That's not a guy. That's not really old though, is it? That's not like ancient history. I mean, you are much older than me, Brady. Obviously. I mean, yeah. Thinking about your own mortality every time you get out of bed. That's the first time I've ever looked at you and thought, wow, Gray is younger than me. If that's one of his early Star Wars memories, to me that was like, oh, another box set to buy. Yeah, but to me, that was what Star Wars was is that box set. Like I have the feeling of pulling them out as a kid and like watching them over and over again. So it's like, that box set to me is like, is how Star Wars came into the world? My own Star Wars figures for Christmas and all the different books I had and I really good Empire Strikes Back pop up book. Speaking of, because this is on a pop up cup, I had a brilliant pop up Empire Strikes Back book that did all sorts. I still remember all the different things it did, all the different functionalities the pages had, God, I love that book. That's why I spend so much money on secondhand style or stuff because you're just like buying happy memories. And the other thing I remember is when Return of the Jedi came out, my next door neighbors went and saw her a day before me and they had come home and were playing cricket in the backyard and all they were doing was talking about all the things that had happened in Return of the Jedi and it drove me crazy. Not because I cared about spoilers because I hadn't seen it and they were talking about these things called Ewoks and how amazing they were and I was like, God damn it, I don't even know what an Ewok is. I have to say this film. What's an Ewok? Isn't that amazing? Or a little baby. All right. Grey's reaching into the pile of cows. Reaching into the pile. Trying to do it in a somewhat random fashion. We received a happy holidays from Mars postcard. Is that the couple on there or the Ascent? There's a couple in their spacesuits and it seems they have a little cat with them on Mars. Do you think this is like, so obviously that's... I don't think it's genuinely for Mars, Brady, if that's what you're asking me. Is this this family's Christmas card? Because quite a few people have sent us like their family Christmas card. I think that's what that is. That's my guess. So this couple has had a piece of artwork made, either they made it or it was commissioned and it's them in spacesuits with their pet also in a space suit on Mars. Where's it come from? Can you see? It has come from Carlisle PA in America, which state do you think PA is Brady? Is that Pennsylvania? I think it's Pennsylvania. When you said Carlisle, I was thinking up near the Lake District. Carlisle up there as well in England. Happy holidays for our question. Real Christmas tree or artificial Christmas tree? Well, Grey, you are sitting underneath my Christmas tree right now. I'm sitting underneath your Christmas tree. You have to touch it to figure out what it is. I don't know. The artificial ones can look really good, but that's a real Christmas tree that you have there. It is a real Christmas tree. Yeah. I grew up with artificial Christmas trees in Australia. My mum went for artificial. She did a good tree, but she wouldn't have the artificial ones, but my wife is like, if you even said artificial Christmas tree, my wife, you would get a look of complete scorn. My wife likes the biggest, biggest possible Christmas tree. We go out and pick it a month before Christmas at the Christmas tree farm. She'll spend a long time choosing her target and then we put a big reserved ribbon on it. A couple of weeks before Christmas, we go back to the farm, cut it down, somehow fit it in my car, which is ridiculous because of how big it is. It was touching the roof when we brought it in, but we trimmed the top off. I was going to say you have about an inch worth of clearance on that Christmas tree. You didn't pick it just right. No, it didn't. I would tell the truth. It was just right, but when we put it there, it was a hapless centimetre below the ceiling, but then you couldn't get the angel on because of that. So, yes, again, we have an angel not a star on the tree for people who know about that issue. I've lost that battle for life now. I think I've got one or two years of stars and now it's like angels. So, we had to cut the top of the tree off to get that angel up there on. But it did fit just perfectly. I have to water it and things like that. That's one of my few jobs in the house watering the Christmas tree. I still managed to forget that all the time. So, real Christmas tree, what about you? Do you have a Christmas tree this year? Basically, the same story. I grew up with artificial Christmas trees, but then my wife was like, we're not having an artificial Christmas tree in the house. For her, it's much less about the size and it's much more about the smell of the Christmas tree. So, she is looking when we go Christmas tree hunting for an aromatic Christmas tree. So, we want something that makes the house smell Christmasy. I used to think this was a ridiculous pain in the ass to go get it. But I have come to really appreciate the smell of the Christmas tree. When you come back in the house, I genuinely do like it. We try to pick up our Christmas tree on St. Nick's Day, on the 5th of December, to start the Christmas decorations. But this year, I have been in America for much longer than I anticipated. And so, we have yet to get our Christmas tree actually up and running, which, of course, doesn't make sense in the timeline because this is the fourth day of Christmas. So, obviously, we do have a decorated Christmas tree in the house. I'm not recording this ahead of time. But, yeah, that's the way it works for us. You are leaving it late. Yes, we are leaving it extraordinarily late this year. As we drop into real time between us. So, yeah, there we go. What do you feel about artificial Christmas trees now? Are you like, are you snobby towards them or do you look like? No, I think they're totally fine. I don't think there's anything wrong with an artificial Christmas tree. Any kind of Christmas tree that you want. A sad, Charlie Brown Christmas tree, you know, an aluminum Christmas tree, whatever works for you and your family. The first sort of 12 or 13 years of my life, we had a white Christmas tree. An artificial white Christmas tree. It was like colored white. I think of those as the very fancy Christmas trees. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I have very fond memories of it because that was like, you know, the golden period of Christmas for me. Right. Because that's when you're a kid and you believe all the stuff you believe. So, I have very fond memories of that tree. But then we got a green fake Christmas tree that was bigger and a lot more elaborate. That's when my mum got really hardcore Christmas trees and she would spend like two days decorating it. And I think my sister and I were allowed to put one decoration on it as like a, but it had to be like where it couldn't be seen. Well, no, it could be wherever we wanted. But if my mum didn't like where it was because I would put basically that we had these two decorations which were like our initials. So I had a big B decoration. It was a big embroidered B. So, mum said you can put the B wherever you want on the tree. So when I was young, I would put it like front and centre, smack in the middle of the tree and then mum would be like, well, clearly it's not going there. As I got older, I got more into the idea of hiding it in the Christmas tree somewhere where it was really hard to find. Like only I know where the B is. And I think my mum was much more comfortable with that decorating stuff. That worked out much better for everyone. Yeah. So my wife used to let me put decorations on the tree now, but now it's like, you know, I just put them in the wrong place. I don't have the necessary sense of Christmas tree balance apparently. It's hard to balance a Christmas tree. And the torment of it is you can look at a tree and go, that's not balanced, right? Like you can see that a thing is not balanced, but you don't necessarily know how do I make it balanced? Like you can see that it's wrong, but not how to make it right. Whereas my wife, she's quite good at it. Like, you know, I think she's done. She's done a good job this year. It really is a magnificent tree that is looming behind me. It is leaning behind you. Along with that pigeon still in the app. Pigeon is still there. Merry Christmas, pigeon. Merry Christmas to you, listeners.
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