Kansas City Breath Mints

The Kansas City Breath Mints are a Blaseball team in the Chaotic Good division of the Good Conference. They competed in Ultra League Blaseball during Season A, and were a part of Internet League Blaseball from Season B until being incinerated on , Day 3. They then returned from the Hall of Flame and reached the Vault before Blaseball was consumed by the Black Hole (Black Hole), before finally returning in Fall Ball. They previously played in the Lawful Good Division of the Good League and the Mild Low division of the Mild League.
==Roster==
===Expansion Era===
==Former Players==
===Transferred===
*PolkaDot Patterson (To the Baltimore Crabs, , replaced by Winnie Hess)
*Axel Trololol (To the Chicago Firefighters, , replaced by Atlas Guerra)
*Jessica Telephone (To the Mexico City Wild Wings, Season 12 elections, replaced by Joshua Watson)
*Eizabeth Guerra (To the Mexico City Wild Wings, , replaced by Jessica Telephone)
*Lenny Spruce (To the Boston Flowers, Season 13 elections, replaced by Sutton Picklestein)
*Sutton Picklestein (To the Hall of Flame, Season 13 elections, , replaced by Marquez Clark)
*Joshua Watson (To the Mexico City Wild Wings, , replaced by Eizabeth Guerra)
*Jessica Telephone (To the Philly Pies, Season 14 elections, replaced by Jode Preston)
*Oscar Vaughan (To the New York Millennials, , replaced by Uncle Plasma)
*Tiana Wheeler (To the Yellowstone Magic, , no replacement)
*Hierophantic Foible (To the Boston Flowers, , replaced by Jacob Haynes)
*Jacob Haynes (To the Boston Flowers, , replaced by Hierophantic Foible)
*Lucas Petty (To the LA Unlimited Tacos, , replaced by Michelle Sportsman)
*Michelle Sportsman (To the Baltimore Crabs, , replaced by Jon Halifax)
*Fynn Doyle (To the Seattle Garages, Season 22 elections, no replacement)
*Hops Chen (To the LA Unlimited Tacos, , no replacement)
===Incinerated===
*Whit Steakknife (, Day 14; replaced by Stew Briggs)
*Eduardo Ingram (Season 4, Day 55; replaced by Lenny Spruce)
*Boyfriend Monreal (, Day 96; replaced by Pudge Nakamoto)
*Hewitt Best (, Day 70; replaced by Trinity Roche)
*Helga Washington (, Day 63; replaced by Ryuji Ngozi)
*Jon Halifax (Season 23, Day 63; replaced by Khulan Sagaba)
===Feedbacked===
*Dickerson Morse (, Day 63; swapped with Marco Stink of the Dallas Steaks)
*Sandie Carver (, Day 15; swapped with Fynn Doyle of the New York Millennials)
===Roamed===
*Pudge Nakamoto (To the Charleston Shoe Thieves, , Revoked)
*Stew Briggs (To the Houston Spies, , Revoked)
*Dunlap Figueroa (To the Core Mechanics, , Day 90)
*Dunlap Figueroa (To the Tokyo Lift, Season 23, Day 117)
*Bright Zimmerman (To the Philly Pies, )
*NaN (To the Philly Pies, Season 23 elections)
===Redacted===
*Brisket Friendo (, Gods' Day, Investigation event)
===Echoed into Static===
*Wyatt Mason XIII (, Day 84)
===Faded into Dust===
*Goodwin Morin IV (, )
*Valentine Games III (, )
*Aldon Cashmoney II ()
===Preserved in the Vault===
*Uncle Plasma (, Investigation completed)
*Nicholas Mora (, ILB Semi-Centennial)
===Survived Team Incineration===
*Rodriguez Internet (To the Oxford Paws, , Day 3)
*Leach Ingram (To the Oxford Paws, Season 24, Day 3)
==Season Results==
For a more in-depth look at the team, see Kansas City Breath Mints/History
*
**The Breath Mints won the blessing, maximizing the pitching stats of Polkadot Patterson. 
**The Baltimore Crabs then won the blessing, stealing Patterson from the Breath Mints and sending back Winnie Hess in exchange. 
**A also blessed Hess, improving their pitching from .
*
**The Breath Mints were one of 4 teams affected by the decree, granting them a fourth strike for the following season.
**The Breath Mints won the blessing, improving baserunning by 15%. 
**The Breath Mints also won the blessing, maximizing the pitching stats of Axel Trololol.
*
**The Breath Mints won the blessing, randomizing the hitting stats of Rodriguez Internet, Grey Alvarado, and Eduardo Ingram. 
**The Breath Mints also won blessing, improving defense by 15%. 
**The Chicago Firefighters won the blessing, stealing Axel Trololol from the Breath Mints and sending back Atlas Guerra in exchange.
*
**All teams were effected by the decree. This resulted in Alternates of Rodriguez Internet and Oscar Vaughan.
**The Breath Mints won the blessing, improving pitching by 13%.
*
**Leagues were reshuffled due to the decree. The Breath Mints were placed into the Mild High Division.
**The Breath Mints won the blessing, improving minimum vibes by 15%.
*
**The Breath Mints won the blessing, arranging their lineup in order of Idolatry. 
**The Breath Mints also won the blessing, improving speed by 15%.
*
**The Breath Mints were targeted by the decree, denying their ability to win blessings for the season.
**The Breath Mints received Targeted Shame for the following season as a result of the Hawai'i Fridays' blessing.
*
**The Breath Mints won the blessing, adding Mooney Doctor II to the rotation and sending Atlas Guerra to the Shadows. 
**The Mexico City Wild Wings won the blessing, swapping the Breath Mints into the Mild Low Division as a result.
*
**All teams were effected by the decrees. Winnie Hess gained the Siphon modification, Mooney Doctor II gained the Friend of Crows modification, and Rodriguez Internet gained the Fire Eater modification.
**The Breath Mints received a Fifth Base for the following season as a result of the Baltimore Crabs' blessing, and received Targeted Shame for the following season as a result of the Boston Flowers' blessing.
*
**The Breath Mints won the blessing, granting the Repeating modification to Marquez Clark, Stew Briggs, Grey Alvarado, Rodriguez Internet, and Hewitt Best. 
**The Breath Mints also won the blessing, calling up Helga Washington to the lineup and sending Marquez Clark to the Shadows.
**The Charleston Shoe Thieves won the blessing, boosting the Breath Mints' Shadows by 3% as a result.
 
*
**The Breath Mints were assigned the XIII Arcana.
*
**The Breath Mints received will, increasing the stats of Pudge Nakamoto from . 
**The Breath Mints then received the will, giving Nakamoto the Roamin' modification, after which they wandered to the Charleston Shoe Thieves. 
**The Mexico City Wild Wings received the will, stealing Jessica Telephone from the Breath Mints and sending back Joshua Watson in exchange.
*
**The Breath Mints benefited from the decree, receiving three wills instead of two.
**The Breath Mints received the will, stealing Jessica Telephone from the Mexico City Wild Wings and sending back Eizabeth Guerra in exchange.
**The Breath Mints also received the will, giving Stew Briggs the Roamin' modification, after which they wandered to the Houston Spies.
**Lastly, the Breath Mints received the will, stealing the newly-resurrected Sutton Picklestein from the Boston Flowers and sending back Lenny Spruce in exchange. However, Picklestein's Returned modification triggered immediately thereafter, sending Picklestein back to the Hall of Flame and pulling Marquez Clark off the Breath Mints' bench as a replacement.
*
**The Meadow received the Crime Scene modifier as part of The Investigation.
**The Breath Mints received the will, sending Grey Alvarado to the Shadows in exchange for Kina Larsen.
**The Breath Mints also received the will, increasing the stats of Hewitt Best from .
**The Mexico City Wild Wings received the will, stealing Joshua Watson from the Breath Mints and sending back Eizabeth Guerra in exchange.
*
**The Breath Mints received the will, trading Oscar Vaughan to the New York Millennials in exchange for Uncle Plasma (who had briefly been in the Breath Mints' Shadows earlier in the season).
**The Breath Mints also received the and the will, increasing Leach Ingram's pitching ability at the cost of some of their baserunning.
*
**The Breath Mints received the will, increasing Rodriguez Internet's hitting ability at the cost of some of their pitching.
**The Breath Mints also received the will, sending Eizabeth Guerra to the Shadows with no replacement.
**The Breath Mints won the blessing, gaining several items.
**The Breath Mints also won the blessing, calling up Sandie Carver from the Shadows to the rotation.
*
**The Breath Mints received the will, sending Fynn Doyle to the Shadows with no replacement.
**The Breath Mints also received the will, sending Marquez Clark to the Shadows in exchange for Tiana Wheeler.
**The Yellowstone Magic then won the blessing, stealing Wheeler from the Breath Mints with no replacement.
**The Breath Mints won the blessing, calling up Hierophantic Foible from the Shadows to the lineup.
*
**The Breath Mints received the will, sending Lucas Petty to the Shadows with no replacement.
**The Breath Mints also received the will, stealing Jacob Haynes from the Boston Flowers and sending back Hierophantic Foible in exchange.
**The Breath Mints won the blessing, moving Mooney Doctor II from the rotation to the lineup. 
*
**The Breath Mints received the will, sending Trinity Roche to the Shadows with no replacement.
**The Breath Mints also received the will, increasing Uncle Plasma's pitching ability.
**The Boston Flowers received the will, stealing Jacob Haynes from the Breath Mints and sending back Hierophantic Foible in exchange.
**The Charleston Shoe Thieves received the will, giving Bright Zimmerman the On an Odyssey modification, after which they roamed to the Breath Mints' Shadows.
*
**Uncle Plasma finished their Undercover assignment with the of The Investigation, leaving the Breath Mints and the ILB, and becoming Legendary.
**The Breath Mints received the will, sending Hierophantic Foible to the Shadows with no replacement.
**The Breath Mints also received the will, stealing Wooden Necklace of the Feast from Frankie Hambone and giving it to Kina Larsen, causing them to drop Squiddish Jersey of the Famine.
**The Philly Pies received the Take will, stealing Underhanded Limestone Ring from Winnie Hess and giving it to Jacoby Podcast, causing them to drop Flickering Bat.
**The Breath Mints won the blessing, Evolving Jode Preston and Leach Ingram to .
*
**The Breath Mints received the will, stealing Michelle Sportsman from the LA Unlimited Tacos and sending back Lucas Petty in exchange.
**The Breath Mints also received the will, giving Mooney Doctor II the 2x modification.
**The LA Unlimited Tacos received the will, giving NaN the On an Odyssey modification, after which they roamed to the Breath Mints' Shadows.
**The Breath Mints won the blessing, giving Mooney Doctor II the Trader modification.
**The Breath Mints also won the blessing, giving Rodriguez Internet the Cluttered modification.
*
**The Baltimore Crabs received the will, stealing Michelle Sportsman from the Breath Mints and sending back Jon Halifax in exchange.
**The Breath Mints then received the Equivalent Exchange will, swapping Fairwood Patchwork of the Seattle Garages with Michelle Sportsman of the Baltimore Crabs.
**The Breath Mints also received the will, stealing Hot Bat of Stamina from Jon Halifax and giving it to Marco Stink, causing them to drop Holey Necklace of the Famine. The Yellowstone Magic then also received the Take will, stealing the Hot Bat of Stamina again from Stink and giving it to Tiana Wheeler, causing them to drop Chorby's Soul II.
**The Breath Mints won the blessing, giving every player in their lineup the Reload modification.
**The Garages won the blessing, recruiting Fynn Doyle from the Breath Mints' Shadows.
**The Ohio Worms won the blessing, giving Valentine Games III the Skipping modification, and the Hawai'i Fridays won the blessing, giving Leach Ingram the Subtractor modification.
*
**The Breath Mints received the Party Favor, gaining Roamless as a team modification.
**The Breath Mints won the blessing, adding Uncle Plasma IX to the pitching rotation.
**The Breath Mints won the blessing, moving Winnie Hess from the rotation to the lineup. 
**The Breath Mints won the blessing, giving Mooney Doctor II the Underhanded modification, and the blessing, giving Rodriguez Internet the 2x and Ego+ modifications.
**The LA Unlimited Tacos won the blessing, recruiting Hops Chen from the Breath Mints' Shadows.
*
**There was no election in Season 24 due to the nullification of Blaseball. 
**After being earlier in the Season, the Breath Mints ended the Season in the Vault.
==Team Overview==
The Breath Mints' home ballpark is an open meadow on the outskirts of town. They formerly played their home games at the original Kansas City FreshDome. During the Expansion Era, Managemint had the open meadow on the outskirts of town officially named the Kansas City FreshDome, for "Tax Purposes". Fans find this incredibly confusing, most electing to simply refer to the ballpark as The Meadow.
Somewhat unusually, the Breath Mints do not have genuine pitchers on their roster. All of their pitchers are actually batters who decided to help out on the mound. The fans think that's just great.
===Staff===
*General Manager - Max Betmint
*Batting Coach - Samantha Grink
*Pitching Coach - Atlas Guerra
*Second Base Coach - Alexander Wallender
*Radio Broadcaster - Dan Altoid
*Mascot - Kacey Greens Jr.
*Predator - The Spearmint
===Nicknames===
*Minties
*Minty Fresh
*Fresh Death
*The Death Mints
===Theme Song===
Fresh by Kool & The Gang
==Fan Culture==
Know more about the Breath Mints' fan culture? Add it at Kansas City Breath Mints/Fan Culture!
Fans of the Breath Mints - collectively known as the Minty Way - are known for their love of statistical analysis, fanfiction, tolerance, and of star Mints hitter Boyfriend Monreal.
===Select Chants===
====Team-Wide====
*MIN-TY-FRESH! MIN-TY-FRESH! MIN-TY-FRESH!
*FRESH BREATH HERE WE COME / KANSAS CITY NUMBER ONE
*We Have Fresh Breath (clap-clap-clapclapclap)
*Turn them into MINTS MEAT *yelled while brandishing steak knives*
====Player-Specific====
*Eizabeth Guerra takes no L’s! / [enemy team] can go to h*ll!
*Boyfriend, Boyfriend, they're our boyfriend! / If they can't do it, they're our boyfriend!
*Winnie, you better win! EEEEEEEEEE / Don't mess with the Hess! / Winnie take that Innie!
*Vaughan is on! (Aggressive clattering of teeth)
*ROD.NET! HE'S THE INTERNET! (Rodriguez Internet)
*MIME TIME!
*No re-MORSE! / DOT DOT DASH DASH DICKIE MORSE CAME TO SMASH!
*It's Mark o' Clark!
*PDZ has got skin in the game!
*Don't crowd the plate! Leave a spot! (PolkaDot Zavala throws a brush-back)
===Rituals===
*Day 96 of each Season has been dubbed Not Nice Day, in remembrance of Boyfriend Monreal, who was incinerated on Day 96 of . Players and fans alike don dark-colored jerseys, calling back to their time as the Death Mints.
*Following the death of Whit Steakknife, many fans have begun carrying steak knives to the game and waving them en masse. This is incredibly dangerous and not condoned AT ALL by the Managemint. During games against the Charleston Shoe Thieves, the Mints use the knives to cut the laces of their own shoes, making them significantly less valuable to steal. Managemint has proposed screening and confiscating all knives at the gates (so they can sell their own significantly more expensive brand-name knives at the park).
==Fan Works==
Have Breath Mints fan art? Add it at Kansas City Breath Mints/Fan Works!
Looking for art for an individual player? Check out the Fan Works section on their page!
Category:Teams
Category:Kansas City Breath Mints
Category:Mild League teams
Category:Mild Low teams
Category:Lawful Good teams
Category:Good League teams
Category:Internet League Blaseball