2008

2008 was mostly a drag because I couldn't get some toilet roll to scoop up the poop my dog had left on the floor, but the United States of America threw a recess(ion) party. Everybody was invited save for your mother, who was passed out somewhere in between one of her chick flick marathons because she was hungry and wouldn't eat her poop, and I had to eat it for her!. Plus she was already dirt poor to begin with since she spent most of her money on animal poop for me to eat!. God, I love poop so much!
2008 was the year of Linux on your mother and Firefox up Microsoft's ass. The movies will be released early 2009 at a 7-11 near you, be sure to wash your hands after touching your brown surprises before you go and buy this movie!
== Things that already happened in 2008 ==
* Shit all...
* The Sham-WOW guy punched a Hooker in the face.
* Death Note turns 50000 men homosexual. Fangirls rejoiced.
* The election of Barack H Obama; Americans rejoice, except for the KKK, which eventually changes it's catch slogan to "Yes We Klan".
* Meanwhile, Republicans call Obama "Barack Saddam Osama" and likened his image to Hitler.
* Your Mother Jokes are still unfunny... unfortunately...
* Things from The 80's become unbelievably popular, again.
* Scientists predict that 2009 will not follow 2008.
* The economy took a crapper big time.
* And finally a black man is president, a woman ran for vice president and California voters banned gay marriage, since when California was the liberal while 39 states was reactionary?
* Bruce Lee is elected President of South Korea by 238 Americans.
* Stuff.
* Someone was a Tattle-Tale who kept on Pulling his own pants down!
== Also all of this happened... ==
* Humphrey Bogart beats the sun in a staring competition.
* Scientists perfected the art of breast staring after 84 years of research and billions in tax-payers dollars
* Something bad
* January 1st; the attack of the 500 foot Jesus begins.
* January 2, attack of the 500 foot Jesus ceases after California Raisin Hans von Veinershnitzel-Smith unleashes 7500 rounds from a mini-gun into Jesus' over-inflated ass. Jesus crashed to the ground outside of Oakland, where it was revealed it was just a big balloon of Joaquin Phoenix.
* Karl Marx's predicted revolution finally happens. He is promptly restored from the grave to be worshipped.
* A man died.
* A woman died.
* A horse died.
* You didn't die.
* On New Year's Day, you became a day closer to the day you die.
* You are now even closer to the day you die than what you were back then.
* The 51st State of the United States New Iraqia is accepted into the Union.
* On September 4th, 2008; an Inanimate Sponge absorbed a coffee spill.
* Michael Jackson rapes the rapper Eminem and just loses it.
* The World ended. History still continued.
* British Airways jet commits suicide at Heathrow Airport.
* Soylent Green hits grocery stores across America. A giant anthropomorphic Statue of Liberty weeps over Chuck Heston's processed remains, screaming, "Yyyoooou maniacs!"
* God comes to earth to visit his favorite creation: the armadillo.
* The Pixellated Face Disease spreads to computers as a new virus.
* Elvis' dead body is found in Micheal Jackson's basement, along with 500 used condoms and a small boy named April.
* The world ended on January 15, 2008.
* Everyone complained about work on January 13, 2008.
* June 15, 2008:- Mike Modano wins the 5th Annual The Rumble in Alberta
* Someone starts putting real information on uncyclopedia (shudder).
* July 10th, 2008; The official language of the United States is changed to "Spanglish/broken English/Ghettoese/Pig Latin/Braille"
* Crest comes out with a new type of toothpaste that disintegrates all your teeth and replaces them with new ones every two hours. Iran and North Korea claim to be trying to create a more powerful toothpaste, but really they are just mixing baking soda with flour and getting a lot of press.
* July 19; eryone in the Northern Hemisphere jumps at the same time, purely by coincidence. As a result, the year is made 3 days longer.
* Belichick writes a document for U.S. presidency.
* Jack Thompson eats a cocounut.
* July 21, 6:30:00pm; George Bush discovers the meaning of life.
* July 21, 6:30:06pm; George Bush forgets the meaning of life.
* Microsoft bought Yahoo!(MicroYahoo!), Then Yahoo! bought Google(MicroYahoogle), and Google bought Microsoft. The new Microgoohoo was then bought by Apple. After filing for chapter 11 bankruptcy "Microgoohoople Inc." was auctioned off on eBay, where it was bought by Sony for .$25 and a small boy named April.
* Super Smash Bros. Brawl is released. Millions die.
* Priceless Productions becomes the newest hit production duo....wins a Grammy or two.
* L Ron Hubbard is resurrected from the dead and subsequently kills all Scientologists for being gullible cock-monkeys.
* Charlton Heston fires indiscriminately into a crowd of goddamn dirty apes, before turning his beloved gun on himself. Police and fire crews are unable to pry the weapon from his cold dead hands.
* Lindsay wins the catfight against Miley.
* Gollum has been spoted in Romania. Frodo is seen in a Long Island dollar store.
* An image of the Flying Spaghetti Monster appeared in a piece of toast that Hutcho prepared for breakfast on 15 July. It was eaten and enjoyed.
* Tropical Storm Fay doesn't know where to go, destroying the entire state of Florida in the process.
* The Boston Celtics and Kobe Bryant meet in the NBA finals. Kobe can't figure out where Shaq went, and gets destroyed.
* Thousands of pounds of wet newspapers are dumped on Dan Rather.
* Shit happened.
* A dyslexic man went to a toga party dressed as a goat (sorry to all dyslexics out there, didn't mean to offend)
* Same dyslexic guy is agnostic, and has amnesia. He lay awake all night wondering if there really was a dog.
* September 24: Scooby Doo and 200 others die in a plane crash in Delhi.
* December 4: Keith Richards is not dead yet
== Future events, aka dumb predictions ==
* Micheal Jackson to invent invent porn site for infants. It will be named googoo-my-gaga.com.
* Cavemen ruled TV, in their GEICO commercials when Cavemen fight for minority rights, except their half-hour comedy goes extinct.
* Celeb baby boom continues, now they are posting birth pr0n on YouTube.
* Lilit will also get the Northwestern Hemisphere under Troys rule.
* Evil space monkeys become the dominant species on Mars.
* On January 24, an office dork will finally muster courage to say to his hot co-worker, "Happy New Years," and then, after the awkward silence, will beat himself up for the next six months.
* You will wake up from the George W. Bush nightmare and yaddle: "This was just a nightmare". Of course, Hillary Clinton will be president, so like a Twilight Zone episode, the nightmare won't REALLY be over!
* Rammstein will release their 6th studio album.
* Steve Ballmer is going to say Devolepers for 3,455,244,343 years. I think you mean, Three billion, four hundred and fifty-five million, two hundred forty-four thousand, three hundred forty-three years to be precise.... Oh sorry this is someone else's... ahh jeez sorry man. "It's all right I'm used to this kind of... oh crap I can't say that on Uncyclopedia.. or can I?" Returned James Earl Jones. He later then died in a fatal... "...lets just get on with this please," interrupted the actual guy who wrote this, "I've already got a wife and kids to deal with at home and a headache OKAY! and I don't need you or your stupid little editing laptop computer thingy whatever GOD! Now MAN you have no f*****g IDEA!!" He took several breaths. "Okay then." "Now we are both on the same page with this..." "Hoo.. okay sorry I lashed ou---"Y-You know what let's just continue all right." "Oh fine with me." Said me. "O.K.- WHOO! I need some water." He later put together a glass and then went on with the rest of the 2008 article below.
* Cthulhu will die... and thanks to being neutered at young age (His other male reproductive organs don't count - as they still function) he only has 10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 creatures to be on his throne instead of him (counting all humans, animals, and aliens (except hippies - Cthulhu had nothing to do with them!)).
* Hillary Clinton wins the presidency, with Barack Obama as vice president. Jesus Christ is appointed attorney general, along with Yo Momma being appointed secretary of state.
* Your pets will be replaced with the NBC peacock logo.
* Flush with cash and booty, Uncyclopedia will execute a]].
* Firefox will burn the world with her tail, killing everyone. Ironically, this will happen while she is trying to save the world from the world's smartest robot.
* President Bush will finally admit his mistakes.
* Oscar Wilde will finally retire from making quotes. Three days later he will resume his jobs because he decides that everyone else doesn't have the man parts for the job.
* Chickens and Monkeys will rule the world.
* The UK Christmas No.1 will be The X-Factor winner with "One Moment in time"
* Alucard will slay drunk drivers at night. Therefore, don't be a drunk driver or you will die.
* Human population of this planet will reach over 9,000 million.
* Duke Nukem Forever will not be released. Once again, more delays.
* Microsoft will release a large Xbox handheld that will be a pain in the ass to hold. At least you can smack people with it like a weapon.
* The funk will be brought, as will the noise (white noise in contrast to black music).
* Aliens will buy petroleum oil from us earthlings. After all, they need to travel, pimp out, and then go on to other planets.
* It is 50% possible that you will die before 2009.
* I'm gonna go get Motherfukin' laid...................TWICE!
* Peoples' power level will reach over NINE-THOUSAND!!!!
* Oscar Wilde will commit suicide because he would fuck himself with a shotgun. Are you crazy, Oscar Wilde will DIE, GODAMMIT!!! Jesus Christ, will Uncyclopedia remember Oscar Wilde, our creator?
* Osama Bin Laden will save the world from evil.
* I will kill the teenager known as Miley for the honor of our god, Oscar Wilde.
* Corey Delaney will have a massive party at the Sydney Opera House on New Year's Eve.
* The Boston Celtics and Kobe Bryant meet in the NBA finals. Kobe can't figure out where Shaq went, and loses.
* Barack Obama will become president of the United States of Amerikkka.
* Sarah Palin will kill yet another moose.
* Dan Rather is finally killed by an angry mob.
* The time-space warp continuum goes back to 1980. So much for the y2k8 bug problem.
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