Hélio Castroneves

Hélio Castroneves (actually it's pronounced Caster-Neuvés) is an Anglo-Brazilian, born in Rio de Janeiro, Pakistan. He is an auto racing driver and one is known for his honesty towards the United States of Colombia economy, he always pays his bills! or not! He is racing for the Pesnka-rahall-ganassi-letterman-senna-hill team, he is a winner, that's why he now have his very own uncyclopedia article, yay!
== History ==
=== Early days... and the rest ===
Born in South America, the little Castroneves couldn't afford a ride for himself, that's why he started to borrow money from banks, and the U.S. government, the government gave him 4 million bucks to start his career, actually he is the only "gringo" to be living in the "american dream".
With all that money, which by the way, he made it with pure hard-honest work! cough cough.. Where were we? Oh yes... Castroneves signed for the Target Store team, and then he got some real good places at some ridicolous races, like Motega, Talladegga, Daytonega, and the most important race Mid-Ohio-ega, and a victory at the least important race of the competition Indianapolis.
=== Fraud ===
Mister Castroneves is being accused by the U.S. and A. government by fraud. The fraud is a tough thing to explain, but it's real bad and Castroneves made it, so he is real bad, he is a mean guy, to fraud is like to steal, but instead of using a handgun, you use your penis and a carrot.
Two days before the Indianananananapolis race, he was framed for fraud, he will be jailed in a Missoura state prison, the sentence is not confirmed yet, but it's like will be the same amount of money, he has stolen from not declaring his money to the government, so if has stolen a million bucks, he will be jailed for a millions of year. got it? yeah he is pretty fucked-up.....
=== Nowadays... ===
After this difficult episode, Helio Castroneves is writing a child's book, at the prison, which will be called "How to steal and drive fast, all with your penis and a carrot", which will remarkably will tell us his story, when he frauded and stolen money from us, i mean, he stolen from the government, and how it happened, he says the thruth, and then tells who was behind this horrid episode, Rusty Wallace, and I tell you what, if it wasn't for this man, this great story couldn't be made, yeah Rusty made a lot of money behind all of that.
=== Lesson to be learned ===
Tax evasion and conspiracy against the government is a bad thing, if you want to steal somebody use a handgun because if you use a handgun your case will be simple, if you get arrested you are send to jail and stuff...
If you are a tax evader, using your penis and a carrot, beware, you might lost your dancing with stars title, and nobody wants that right?
== Gallery: the many faces of Helinho ==
File:Hélio Castroneves smiling.jpg|Hélio Castroneves after winning his first CART race and climbing the fence at the 2000 Grand Prix of Detroit.
File:Hélio Castroneves smiling.jpg|Hélio Castroneves while getting chased by Spider-Man for stealing his spidey abilities.
File:Hélio Castroneves smiling.jpg|Hélio Castroneves after winning his first Indianapolis 500 in 2001.
File:Hélio Castroneves smiling.jpg|Hélio Castroneves after winning his second Indianapolis 500 in 2002.
File:Hélio Castroneves smiling.jpg|Hélio Castroneves after almost winning the Indianapolis 500 in 2003.
File:Hélio Castroneves smiling.jpg|Hélio Castroneves after winning his third Indianapolis 500 in 2009.
File:Hélio Castroneves smiling.jpg|Hélio Castroneves after almost winning the Indianapolis 500 in 2014.
File:Hélio Castroneves smiling.jpg|Hélio Castroneves after almost winning the Indianapolis 500 in 2017.
File:Hélio Castroneves smiling.jpg|Hélio Castroneves after crashing out at the Indianapolis 500 in 2018.
File:Hélio Castroneves smiling.jpg|Hélio Castroneves after winning his third Indianapolis 500 in 2021.
File:Hélio Castroneves smiling.jpg|Hélio Castroneves after winning Dancing with the Stars.
File:Hélio Castroneves smiling.jpg|Hélio Castroneves judging at Miss Universe 2011.
File:Hélio Castroneves smiling.jpg|Hélio Castroneves after almost winning the IndyCar championship in 2002.
File:Hélio Castroneves smiling.jpg|Hélio Castroneves after almost winning the IndyCar championship in 2008.
File:Hélio Castroneves smiling.jpg|Hélio Castroneves thinking that he may never win an IndyCar championship at all.
File:Hélio Castroneves smiling.jpg|Hélio Castroneves after getting Barnharted at the 2008 Grand Prix of Detroit.
File:Hélio Castroneves smiling.jpg|Hélio Castroneves after getting Barnharted again at the 2010 Indy Edmonton.
File:Hélio Castroneves smiling.jpg|Hélio Castroneves after getting Barnharted yet again at the 2011 Indy Japan.
File:Hélio Castroneves smiling.jpg|Hélio Castroneves after knowing he was chased by the Internal Revenue Service.
File:Hélio Castroneves smiling.jpg|Hélio Castroneves during the chase.
File:Hélio Castroneves smiling.jpg|Hélio Castroneves during the trial.
File:Hélio Castroneves smiling.jpg|Hélio Castroneves after getting cleared of all charges.
== Results ==
=== IndyCar ===
Year	Team 	1 	2 	3 	4 	5 	6 	7 	8 	9 	10 	11 	12 	13 	14 	15 	16	17	18	19	Rank 	Points
2001	Penske	PHXRet	HMS 	ATL 	INDYRet	TXS 	PPIR 	RIR 	KAN 	NSH 	KTY 	STL 	CHI 	TX2 	 	 	 	 	 	 	171th	666
2002	Penske	HMSRet	PHXRet 	FONRet 	NZRRet 	INDYRet 	TXSRet 	PPIRRet 	RIRRet 	KANRet 	NSHRet 	MISRet 	KTYRet 	STLRet 	CHIRet	TX2Ret	 	 	 	 	1nd 	1000
Category:Brazil
Category:Sportspeople