Run Escape

I'm just your average, total RuneScap-, actually, never mind. I don't even play this shitty medieval cookie-clicker game anymore, but I have to tell you the story of how I died in the year 1420.
Name's Jes, and it all started with me back when I was a young lad in elementary school, well actually I got into RuneScape in kindergarten, but that's neither here or here. I was too busy teasing, and throwing rocks at a couple of kids after lunch. I think their name was Tom and Kyle, and they couldn't stop talking about Sonic the Hedgehog for literally every waking moment of their existence. It was to the point, that other students were alot more ruthless like throwing acid, bleach and lighters at them. It was pretty strange, even for a strange lad like me. 
Though during our second, union-mandated lunch break at school, we got into a heated discussion about which time-wasting, PDF-file and micro-transaction-ridden game was better: RuneScape or World of Warcraft. Obviously RuneScape was for chads, and WoW was for virgins. Which of course, I wasn't a virgin.
Tom and Kyle kept talking about Sonic the Hedgehog as usual though, and mentioned something about 'Sonic.X' or something. I presumed it was a glitch or something, so I continued playing the game. I listened onto their conversation for about 5 years, and with my hyper-realistic hearing, could barely make out them mentioning a 'creepy game'. But the curiosity got the better of me, so I listened onto the conversation for another 5 years. At this point, the bowl of pasta we had for lunch, had turned into blue mold and grown spines over it's head. 
With my lost appetite and tighter clothes, I left elementary school, saying hi to the 12-year old blind girl I tried asking for date 10 years ago, but she called my rock-throwing skills bad, which hurt my feelings really badly :(. She still said I sucked at throwing pebbles.
Oh yeah, I forgot to write the mandatory appearance segment. I was about 50kg (Or 300lbs) by the time I left the lunch room and wore black jeans, black hoodie, black sneakers and a Black Mask (10). The only thing black I didn't have, was my skin though.
After opening the door to my room and wiping off the dust off my computer set-up, I was in a mood to boot up my most favorite/hated game, RuneScape, through the Battle.net client. Something seemed to be wrong at the title screen though... I ran out of Membership!? Holy shit, I forgot you need that, to actually play this shitty game. Thankfully though, upon barely listening on Tom and Kyle's story back at our second lunch in school, there is always a convenient mailman that can appear out of your peripheral vision anywhere, with a 1/256 chance of happening. 
I proceeded to test out this new amazing life hack, and lo and behold, a mailman appeared to knock inside my bathroom door out of my hyper-peripheral vision, which I hesitantly opened. The mailman in-question didn't seem to have a body, and was a skull on the ground, which wore a postman's hat above him which had BLOOD! ... Oh wait, it was just colored red. Along with that, he had a satchel of mail, that he carried by his succulent mouth.
"Uh, hey there? Do you have the membership card, that I ordered with my frickin' mind?" I said through a megaphone.
"..."
Oh yeah, he's just a skull and doesn't have any fucking lungs to speak, so I just dug through the satchel to find a Membership Card in my name, sweet! All seemed pretty ordinary thus far, though upon veeeery closely examining this piece of plastic, I was shocked to discover that the card was written up in hyper-realistic blood, which I examined with a magnifying glass. 
The RuneScape title on the card was also spelled differently 'Run Escape', along with the text reading: 
'DO NOT USE THIS MEMBERSHIP CARD, IT WILL KEEL YOU!'
"Yep, seems pretty legit to me... Waaait a minute!" I whispered out, looking at the card once again through a micro-scope. Yep, still pretty small. 
The normal membership cards I buy off from the Dark Web usually don't have mentions of 'use', they read like so:
'DO NOT PLAY THIS GAME, IT WILL KEEL YOU!'
Now THAT I thought was pretty strange, everything else was pretty normal, like the pitch-black-white-red eyes on the red wizard you never actually see on the game itself appearing on the cover, with his back turned and that head of his turned 180 degrees back, standing on a sailing ship. There was also Elvarg, the Cum Dragon using it's sulfur-realistic fire breath to burn down the island behind him, leaving in it's wake, the burnt-down, gorey bodies of it's denizens. Though it had a hint of white for some reason upon it's green scales, which I presumed was just a printing glitch.
That horrific change to the sentence made me Ring of Recoil in Cave Horror, but the curiosity got the best of me. So I ignored it, and inserted the Membership Card into the disc tray of my PC. 
After restarting my computer, I just remembered that I had malware, which one of them was a dumbass player from the game, named 666. I didn't really care and just use Task Manager to block his messages, as he keeps powering up this computer through their goat-fucking rituals, or something. I met him through a SD card, which some dumb kid in my class, who was also a 12-year old (I'm 14 btw, I dropped two classes for some reason), was blackmailed to give it to me, unless he were to have his RuneScape account hacked, and-
Oh yeah, I should actually play the game.
So the boot-up screen was pretty normal, the title screen appeared with the name 'Run Escape', yep, that's the name of the game. It was in it's usual 'Runestone letters of the RuneScape logo name of it's Runeshit amount of blood pouring from it'-state.
What else appeared, was the Jamflex Std. Copyright 73-2147 at the bottom of the title screen. On the background was the usual endless hallway leading to Silent Hill. And on it's sides were two brightly-lit braziers, with various usual religious imagery shown to come out from the flames and disappearing. Now what I found unusual, was that the usual reverse cross was turned 175 degrees around. That actually kind of spooked me.
"Oh shit, anyway." 
I continued my usual Creepypasta-Protagonist routine and continued past the title screen. Well more so it just brought up the login screen, after pressing start on my PS3 controller. Using the buttons on my controller, I typed my username: 'Xx_Jes_xX' (Which always gets me laid, in-game) and my password 'jes123457'. The hackers never guess the last number, hah! Anyway upon silence of me being loaded into the game, I remembered that there was music suddenly now on the title screen. Even if I kept the sound on 1%, the title music with it's blood curdling horns, blasted my ear drums in a nanosecond. Oh, so that's why I didn't hear anything. Maybe I should ask that blind girl out, since I'm now deaf myself. 
Finally, after 10 years of waiting, I can actually play this shitty game, upon having my character loaded in, I seemed to be in Lumbridge, in-front of the familiar castle. Which reminded me of why I quit this game for 2 days. My other classmate named Jeremy, who always about that 'holla dolla, get dollar', wearing an eyepatch usually, had lured me into Wildy and Ice Barraged my entire cash stack of 200gp. Needless to say, we broke off our friendship at school after that. I'm not even sure that he was 12, or even 14-years old. 
Through upon my needless reminiscing and pointless background characters, I failed to see that the fountains on the castle front yard, weren't spouting their usual hyper-realistic blood. No, it was blue. NOW I knew something was fucked up with the game. Did Jamflex add another shitty update, like the Straight Pride event? I immediately was about to hop into World 666 with my Dwarf Penis Cannon and the usual slogan:
'We pay, we gay.'
In my frustration, I proceeded to murder several of the random NPC men and women that were inside the castle, dropping their usual items like weed and bloody bones. They all fell down beneath my character in a kneeling position, which I then buried their bodies to train up my Prayer skill. It was pretty slow XP, but it gave pretty important buffs like 'Protect from Virginity' prayer. It seemed to work on every player 99% of the time, which I thought was strange.
However before I could do my pointless coping on Falador, I was stopped at the Lumbridge Castle gates by another player, named 'Xx_Run_xX'. Whilst I was wearing a Black Platebody, Black Platelegs, Black Boots and Black Mask (69) in-game, the other player seemed to be wearing full Red Wizard set, which was red-colored wizard armor. The red player then began to chat to me reddily, coming up as the usual piss-colored overhead text above them:
"Hello Jes, you shouldn't have used that Membership Card." Spoke Xx_Run_xX.
Wait, Jes? How the hell did it know my real life name? Either this kid must be a hacker or this membership card must be haunted! That's the only logical explanation to how he would know my name. I almost shat my pants, which I did anyway.
"What!? How'd you know my name? Who are you?"
Suddenly a hyper-realistic Dragon Dagger spec sound-effect blasted through my ear drums once again, as the player was able to attack me and one-shot my character with double 73-73 hitsplats. How? I just flicked my Protect from Virginity prayer and it still hit me. And the damage went way over past my health bar, and how the hell was he able to attack me in the first place? Normally the only place you can attack other players is the Wilderness or mini-games. Oh and my character had their guts dramatically split open from that attack, as my character died semi-realistically. Everything else seemed normal, but how the fuck did he hit through my prayers?
The last nanosecond left in-front of the castle gates, I could see the red robed player doing the Laugh emote, as they then teleported away. The game would usually load you on respawn in Lumbridge Castle, which I was expecting to happen, until the game loaded me up in Varrock. NOW this was Hyper-Extremely Spooky, as in no circumstance would the player normally respawn in Varrock. I seemed to be at the center of the city, standing on the center fountain with the unusual blue liquid coming out from it, rather than the usually hyper-pixelated blood it let out.
I was reminded by the urge to go riot again by this pointless change, not noticing the fact the armor in-game I wore was now suddenly red. I looked at myself, and I could see out of my peripheral vision, that my mask, including my clothes, have turned red as well, in real life. Normally I would go riot again, but being reminded of the Classic Run Escape like this, made me calm down.
Suddenly a hyper-loud 'VOOSH' sound came up to my gamer headset once more. However, since I was deaf, I was caught completely unawares by those warning signs, along with the burning of the entire city with my peripheral ear-vision and it's citizens non-realistically. Eventually though, the cum-colored dragon Elvarg, one on the membership card, that you normally kill in the 'Cum Slayer' quest, which was a requirement to unlock the Sexlore skill (I had 99, btw). I hovered over my PS3 controller over the dragon itself, but instead of giving me an Examine option for Elvarg, it had the name 'Escape'. The examine text option read like so:
'Roar! A dragon!'
I almost pissed myself, which I didn't.
Now with all of those minor differences, I was beginning to think, that this wasn't the work of an ordinary hacker, not even a hyper-hacker like Ryoji. It made me rethink my 14-year old life physically, mentally, philosophically and sexually. I think this may have been.. Haunted. Not that I would know of that, I didn't really listen to those two at the beginning of the story.
Suddenly, a dialogue box appeared on the bottom-left corner, which would appear when you would talk to NPCs. It showed that the dragon 'Escape' spoke:
"YOU WILL DIE HERE FOOL, YOU SHOULD'VE STOPPED PLAYING THIS GAME."
There was some rumbling going on in my headset too, presuming that it was able to speak to me through the game. Or maybe it was kinky, I don't know. I'm fucking deaf. Also no shit, I've kept telling myself that for years, the first day I began to play cookie-clicker game of chopping trees in a very hyper-monotonous fashion for hours, that this game sucked ass. I was ready to 1v1 the dragon 
"Yeah? Is that all you got?" I responded, pulling out my Abyssal Whip, which required 75 Sexlore to wield.
"VERY WELL, YOUR SOUL SHALL BE OURS. YOU CAN'T RUN or ESCAPE."
Suddenly, through the fiery cum blast the dragon let out, engulfed my character, including my entire screen and even myself in pure whiteness. For a moment, I thought I went also blind. But after slowly opening my eyes, I saw that I was in Edgeville, but not through a computer screen, no. I was actually in the game. Now this isn't really anything new to me, but as I looked down upon my peripheral eyes, I could see that my clothes had changed, including my mask. As once they were the color of blood, they were now.. PINK!?
I made another horrific realization, that my stats, including my 99 Sexlore, were reset back to 1. What the fuck Jamflex? How could you do this to me? That's it, I'm quitting this game for good.
I then instantly died. The End.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Vidya games
Category:Cliche Madness
Category:Stupid is as the main character does
Category:Im died
Category:Well, that was anticlimactic.
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck