Reading Wishes Somebody Would Pay Him To Do This

Last week I got back into college, as I have said in chat like twenty times already. So in order to celebrate the events of my life, here is also a story that starts when the protagonist gets back to school, with a main course of Slenderman and a side course of hot libidos.
Enjoy this more or less well-crafted dish. 
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September 5, 2011 
School started today. Not much really happened today. Gonna read me some creepypasta when I get home. 
So far, nice! Can't say one expect much to happen on one's first day back to school. In mine we had to say around eight times in front of the class about what we did in the vacations. It wasn't a fun thing to listen over and over about some of my friends going to other cities or to amusement parks in other states, since the only thing I did was to be in the Internet for the whole time.
Sorry, got sidetracked on my past. You're here to read bad stories and bad reviews so I'll continue and never mention again my life. So let's go!
September 6, 2011 
Today at lunch a really sexy blonde girl came up to me. She asked me for 5 bucks, and I teasingly told her no. We hit it off real well and exchanged numbers
Cheapskates really turn on women's cranks
It's only day two and already I'm a stud muffin. This should be good.
That's some self-confidence you have, buddy. One girl asks her for five dollars and this guy thinks he's the next Hugh Hefner.
September 7, 2011 
That same girl from yesterday approached me at lunch. If it concerns any of you, her name is Rachel. She once again asked me for money( this time it was 7 dollars) I once again put my foot down and told her no. God, me and rachel get along so well.
You have to admit this Rachel is very daring, asking for money to somebody she barely knows! If this didn't have that Slenderman picture up there, one could think that she's some kind of gold-digger. 
Also that better be some sarcasm, author.
I've already made plans to hang out with her tomorrow. Should be fun.
"I'm a stud muffin" "Me and Rachel get along so well" "We're going to hang out tomorrow. Should be fun"
Maybe it's because my mind goes to dirty conclusions at times, but this is looking like the protagonist is planning to have a bit too much fun with her.
Protagonist, control your hormones and keep that thing in your pants!
September 8, 2011 
Read some creepypasta at school today as a way to kill time during computer class. Read this really good story about a guy and some coin that had this wierd insignia on it. Also mentioned this wierd ass guy who stalks people.
Thank you for the information. Keep padding this story's length, please.
Later met up with Rachel. Turns out she's a connisuer of creepypasta too!
Connisuer? Don't try to go all fancy on me if you can't even write it correctly, author.
We started shooting the breeze about it and she mentions this creepy picture she saw of an anorexic guy just standing there.
That sounds generic as fuck, so I have a lot of trouble picturing it. What do you have to say, Google?
Sin-título-2.png
...yeah, not much of a help, Google.
I asked her more about it, but she dodged it like ninjas dodging ninja stars
As opposed to ninjas dodging cowboy sheriff stars?
Ended up having a great time with Rachel.
In middle of school? Oh, you perverted dog.
...right, maybe I'm looking too much into this.
September 11, 2011 
Todays the 10 year anniversary of 9/11 which if you aske me was set up by some shady folk.
"Do you want to see my blurry photos of Bigfoot? You can see part of his back on this one. And Obama is actually an alien doppelganger. Obamacare is an effort to brainwash America. Wake up, people!"
Also I'm somewhat sure that Al-Qaeda does fit as 'shady folk', so moot point, author.
Rachel came over and we played Little Big Planet and played this odd level called "Beware of Slenderman" I thought it was alright for a scary level, but Rachel seemed to freak out about it.
HEY MOM DO YOU THINK NOW IT'S OBVIOUS ENOUGH THAT THIS IS ABOUT SLENDERMAN HAUNTING RACHEL? 
After a make out session
Teenage hormones, stop getting into the creepypasta
she grabbed her things and before leaving asked if I had 15 dollars. (sigh) 
By now you should see it's useless to ask this guy for money, Rachel. This guy is the kind that sleeps with his wallet in his pants and gives pet names to his coins. 
she's a great pal and I love her, but her pleas for cash have to stop.
Maybe she would stop if you gave her the damn cash, you big bozo.
She's been acting like I crushed her dreams everytime I tell her no even though I have a good amount of money saved in my wallet.
I bet that after denying it you nonchalantly take out your huge wad of cash from your wallet and wave it on her face, for good measure. "You're not having any of this, slut. Want to make out again?"
September 13, 2011 
Saw my girlfriend and she looked like hell. Her eyes looked like they needed a good rest, her hair was messy, and she was anything but her flirty and bubbly self. 
*insert insinuation about drugs and/or student loans*
She asked me for 20 dollars this time and I told her no again. She then pulled me off to the side and told me that she had to have that money. Otherwise, she would be screwed.
*insert insinuation about pimps and/or gold-digging*
'"What do you mean?" I inquired.' (sigh) Look Tom! I've been stalked by this fella called Slender Man and as far as I know, the only way to rid yourself of him is to fork over 20 dollars. Now give me the damn money!" She yelled
About time she said the S-word!
Rachel, you're acting as if the protagonist is the only person with money in the world. Stop your tunnel vision and ask any of the other people around you. Without making out with them, if possible.
"Relax!" I said" You just need to tell yourself that creepypasta isn't real!" "But I'm being serious" Rachel whined. "Last night, he was at the foot of my bed! I swear.
"And that creature from The Rake roams in my backyard while Jeff tries to make me sleep. I swear it's all true, I sweeeeeeear!"
Whiny, whiny.
"Alright, I tell you what. You can sleep with me in my bed if it-"
Oh God, my paranoia wasn't wrong. This was all a big plan to get poor Rachel into the protagonist's bed. I bet that 'Tom' disguised as Slenderman and started threatening Rachel, just to get some sex.
Run, Rachel!
Oh thanks Tom!" Rachel said. She then gave me a grateful kiss on the lips.
No! I said run! And don't look back
Later that day, she showed up at my place.
Damn it, she's hopeless
After meeting my parents, she headed for my room and put her stuff in my closet.
This is starting to look more and more like she's moving into his bedroom. The parents better not be okay with it
"Oh hey, Mom, Dad. She's Rachel, my girlfriend. There's a situation at her home, so she's going to sleep in my bed for a while. Two high school students sharing a bed, hubba hubba!"
September 14, 2011 
Hoo boy! Was last night a hell of the experience.
Ugh, keep the risqué details to yourself
After my parents hit the hay, Rachel came with me to my room and we changed into more comfortable clothes.
KEEP THE DETAILS TO YOURSELF
Afterwords she snuggled with me and we both shut our eyes.
Well, now I look like a hasty bastard. Can you blame me? :(
Around 1 in the morning, I awoke to hearing a strange song. Then I saw him.
"-"Are you using protection?"- my father asked, his face mere inches from my face. He was listening to Michael Jackson's Thriller, as well."
Turns out Rachel wasn't shitting me. Slenderman had turned on my radio and was dancing for whatever reason.
...whaaaaaat?
Suddenly Slenderman comes and starts dancing.
It's official, I'm baffled.
Rachel just stood there petrified.
"...because Slenderman was one hell of a dancer! -"Wow, didn't know you danced the Macarena so well!"-"
Remembering what she said, I summoned my courage and slowly reached into my wallet for a 20 dollar bill.
It took a supernatural encounter to make the protagonist give twenty measly dollars. The banks and the salesmen will have to summon demons to get him to pay stuff.
Slendy grabbed it with an outstretched tentacle and wierdly disappeared.
How much do I have to give you so you and your story disappear, author?
Note to everyone, give slenderman 20 dollars if you see him.
You know what would be a fun plan? To scam gullible Creepypasta readers by disguising as Slenderman. I'll add it to my bucket list. Now if other pasta monsters required some money to go away...
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Eh, in all honesty, the story itself wasn't completely terrible. In fact, leaving aside all the M-rated subtext and Slenderman randomly dancing, this could pass as a readable story. 
Now I'll go read something completely innocent and clean. The world knows I need it.
 
 
 
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