Dallas Steaks

The Dallas Steaks are a Blaseball team in the Awful Evil division in the Evil League. They have been a part of Internet League Blaseball since at least Day 99 of Season E, when they were among the teams that became Unstable upon Parker MacMillan's Vaulting. They previously played in the Lawful Good division of the Good League and the Mild High division of the Mild League.
==Roster==
===Current Era===
Lineup 	Rotation
 	
Shadows	Shadows
 	
===Expansion Era===
==Former Players==
===Incinerated===
*Lars Mendoza (Season 2 Day 51; replaced by Marco Stink)
*Zi Delacruz (Season 2 Day 72; replaced by Thomas Kirby)
*Langley Wheeler (Postseason 3 Day 103; replaced by Kline Greenlemon)
*Stevenson Monstera (Season 4 Day 50; replaced by Combs Estes)
*Sebastian Telephone (Season 7 Day 67, after being made Unstable when hit by a pitch from Jaylen Hotdogfingers on day 65; replaced by Gallup Crueller)
*August Mina (due to the blessing in Season 9, replaced by Kit Adamses)
*Allison Abbott (Season 17 Day 62; replaced by Frankie Incarnate)
===Feedback Swaps===
*Thomas Kirby (Season 4 Day 4; replaced by Paula Mason)
*Summers Pony (Season 8 Day 27; replaced by Rai Spliff)
*Paula Mason (Season 8 Day 56; replaced by Allison Abbott)
*Marco Stink (Season 8 Day 62; replaced by Dickerson Morse)
*Gabriel Griffith (Season 9 Day 69; replaced by Sixpack Dogwalker)
*Conner Haley (Season 18 Day 85; replaced by Knight Triumphant)
===Blessings and Trades===
*Jessica Telephone (stolen by Philly Pies in ; replaced by August Mina)
*Combs Estes (replaced August Sky on the Breckenridge Jazz Hands through the blessing during the )
*August Sky (exchanged for Holden Stanton of the Breckenridge Jazz Hands through the will during the .)
*Sixpack Dogwalker (exchanged for PolkaDot Patterson of the Canada Moist Talkers through the will during the .)
*PolkaDot Patterson (exchanged for Zoey Kirchner of the Core Mechanics through the will during the .)
*Cory Ross (exchanged for Engine Eberhardt of the Tokyo Lift through the will during the .)
*Engine Eberhardt (exchanged for Cory Ross of the Tokyo Lift through the will during the .)
*Kline Greenlemon (exchanged for Jessica Telephone of the Tokyo Lift through the will during the .)
*Dickerson Morse (exchanged for Wyatt Mason IV of the Atlantis Georgias through the will during the .)
*Zoey Kirchner (exchanged for Shirai McElroy of the Core Mechanics through the will during the .)
*Shirai McElroy (no replacement, to the Core Mechanics through the Will during the .)
*Knight Triumphant (exchanged for Engine Eberhardt of the Tokyo Lift through the will during the .)
*Baldwin Breadwinner (no replacement, to the Yellowstone Magic through on , Day 90)
*Conner Haley (exchanged for Jessica Telephone of the Charleston Shoe Thieves through the will during the .)
*Engine Eberhardt (exchanged for Knight Triumphant of the Tokyo Lift through the will during the .)
*Reese Harrington (no replacement, to the Seattle Garages through the blessing during the .)
*Tybal Quimby (no replacement, to the LA Unlimited Tacos through the blessing during the .)
===Faded to Dust===
*Liquid Friend IX ()
*Uncle Plasma IX ()
===Phantom Thieves' Guild Heists===
*Izuki Clark (stolen by The Pillars , , Day 43.)
===Redactions===
*Zephyr McCloud (, Day 32)
*Frankie Incarnate (, Day 35)
==Season Results==
Season	Wins	Record	Win%	Division
Finish	League
Finish	Wins
Behind 	Postseason 	Season Notes
1 	56 	56-43 	.566	1st	2nd 	— 	Lost quarter-finals vs. Chicago Firefighters, 3-1 	
2 	72 	72-27 	.727	1st	1st 	— 	Lost quarter-finals vs. Charleston Shoe Thieves, 3-2 	
3 	55 	55-44 	.556	2nd	4th 	— 	Lost quarter-finals vs. New York Millennials, 3-1 	
4 	56 	56-43 	.566	2nd	3rd 	— 	Lost quarter-finals vs. New York Millennials, 3-1 	
5 	51 	51-48 	.515	3rd	4th 	— 	Lost quarter-finals vs. San Francisco Lovers, 3-1 	Advanced to postseason through tiebreaker place
6 	48 	48-51 	.485	4th	5th 	5 	— 	First time missing the postseason
7 	46 	46-53 	.465	4th	7th 	10 	— 	Received Targeted Shame for next season
8 	59 	59-40 	.596	3rd	3rd 	— 	Lost quarter-finals vs. Hades Tigers, 3-1 	
9 	52 	52-47 	.525	3rd	5th 	8 	— 	Received Targeted Shame and Fifth Base for next season
10 	41 	41-58 	.414	5th	8th 	14 	— 	
11 	51 	51-47 	.520	2nd	4th 	— 	Lost wild card games vs. Yellowstone Magic, 2-1 	Set new single-game home run record of 23
12 	35 	37-62 	.374	5th	10th	20 	— 	
13 	56 	58-41 	.586	2nd	5th 	1 	— 	Did not advance to playoffs based on tiebreaker place.
14 	52 	52-47 	.525	3rd	6th 	5 	— 	
15 	54 	54-45 	.545	2nd	5th 	1 	— 	Did not advance to playoffs based on tiebreaker place.
16 	73 	74-25 	.747	1st	1st 	— 	Won Internet Series vs Chicago Firefighters, 3-2 	First Internet Series victory. Received Power Chaaarge
17 	65 	65-34 	.657	2nd	3rd 	— 	Lost quarter-finals vs. Philly Pies, 3-1 	
18 	53 	52-47 	.525	3rd	6th 	2 	— 	Eliminated from playoff contention on the last day
19 	 	 	 	 	 	 	 	
45-54 	.455	3rd 	5th 	7 	— 	Turntables in effect this season	 	
20 	72 	69-30 	.697	1st	2nd 	— 	Lost Overbracket semi-finals vs. Core Mechanics, 3-1 	
21 	46 	34-65 	.343	5th	10th	24 	Lost Underbracket quarter-finals vs. Kansas City Breath Mints, 3-1	
22 	51 	43-56 	.434	6th	9th 	17 	Lost Underbracket quarter-finals vs. Hawai'i Fridays, 3-1 	
==Season Recaps==
===Season 1===
The Dallas Steaks finished Season 1 as one of the 4 top scoring teams in the Good League, and advanced to the Internet Series playoffs. They were defeated and eliminated in the first round of the playoffs by the Chicago Firefighters. 
===Season 2===
The Steaks had an excellent Season 2, and ended the season with the best record in the League: 72 wins and 27 losses, securing themselves a seat in the Playoffs as the #1 seed from the Good League. 
 
Despite taking an early 2 game lead in their Round 1 Playoff match versus the Charleston Shoe Thieves, the Steaks were unable to clinch a third game win, and were eventually defeated by the Shoe Thieves 3-2 and eliminated from the Playoffs. 
 
The Steaks did not receive any Blessings at the end of Season 2. 
===Season 3===
The Steaks faced tough competition in the Good League in Season 3. The Steaks had not been beefed up by any Season 2 Blessings, and 3 of their opponents in the Good League had received the powerful 4th Strike. The Steaks had a raw start to the season, going 0-3 in their first 3 games. After 28 games, the Steak's record was a pathetic 11-17. Many critics raked the Steaks over the coals, declaring the team burnt out, past their prime, or just plain cooked. 
 
However, as the season progressed, the Steaks proved that they still had a little sizzle left in them. The team avoided the allergic reactions and incinerations that hamstrung many other teams during the season, and gradually warmed up and began bringing home the bacon for eager Steaks fans. With fan-favorite hitter Marco Stink gaining a star and a half after a peanut-assisted Yummy Reaction, the Steaks began to develop a depth of talent on the field that rivaled their depth of flavor off of it. 
 
Near the end of Season 3, the Steaks found themselves in a spicy battle with the Yellowstone Magic for the final Good League postseason qualifier position. Where other, softer teams might have crumbled, the well-seasoned Steaks proved they could take the heat, smoking the Los Angeles Tacos 5-1 to finish the season 55-44 and make the cut for the postseason over the 53-46 Magic. Well Done indeed! 
The Steaks were defeated 3-1 in the first round of the Season 3 Postseason by the New York Millennials. 
The Steaks did not receive any blessings in the Season 3 election. 
===Season 4===
The Steaks faced tough competition in the Good League in Season 4. The Steaks had not been beefed up by any Season 3 Blessings, and the Chicago Firefighters received several key boosts to improve their team. The Steaks had a raw start to the season, going 3-6 in their first 9 games, during which Thomas Kirby left the team through a Feedback incident in Game 4, replaced by Paula Mason. After 34 games, the Steak's record was a pathetic 14-20. Many critics raked the Steaks over the coals, declaring the team burnt out, past their prime, or just plain cooked.
However, as the season progressed, the Steaks proved that they still had a little sizzle left in them. New team member Paula Mason became a powerhouse hitter in her new home, and though Stevenson Monstera was tragically incinerated during Game 50, his replacement, Combs Estes, began performing well above their star rating and, according to reports, received a nod from Coach in their very first game. The Steaks began to develop a depth of talent on the field that rivaled their depth of flavor off of it.
Near the end of Season 4, the Steaks carved through their opponents, going on a 14-1 run at one point. The well-seasoned Steaks proved they could take the heat, keeping the fires burning until the very end to finish the season 56-43 and make the cut for the postseason as the third-best team in the Good League. Well Done indeed!
The Steaks were defeated 3-1 in the first round of the Season 4 Postseason by the New York Millennials.
The Steaks did not receive any blessings in the Season 4 election.        
===Season 5===
The Steaks faced tough competition in the Good League in Season 5. The Steaks had not been beefed up by any Season 4 Blessings, and the San Francisco Lovers and Kansas City Breath Mints both received key boosts to improve their pitching. In addition, the Steaks' ace pitcher, Leach Herman, suffered a significant drop in performance, while Sebastian Telephone seemed to thrive following the Alternate Reality Decree. The Steaks had a raw start to the season, going 2-7 in their first 9 games. After 30 games, the Steak's record was a pathetic 11-19. Many critics raked the Steaks over the coals, declaring the team burnt out, past their prime, or just plain cooked.
However, as the season progressed, the Steaks proved that they still had a little sizzle left in them. Both Marco Stink and Paula Mason shone in the lineup, and Conner Haley found himself winning several close games thanks to his teammates' bats and a few key last-inning pitches. The Steaks began to develop a depth of talent on the field that rivaled their depth of flavor off of it.
Near the end of Season 5, the Steaks found themselves in a spicy battle with the Kansas City Breath Mints for the final Good League postseason qualifier position. Where other, softer teams might have crumbled, the well-seasoned Steaks proved they could take the heat, sweeping their final series against the Breckenridge Jazz Hands to finish the season 51-48 and make the cut for the postseason over the 51-48 Breath Mints thanks to Divine Favor. Well Done indeed!
The Steaks were defeated 3-1 in the first round of the Season 5 Postseason by the San Francisco Lovers.
The Steaks received the and blessings in the . Further, as a result of the High Filter Decree, the Steaks moved from the Lawful Good division to the Mild High division.
===Season 6===
The Steaks' sixth season started their first season in the Mild League's High Division with a flare-up of production, with their batters delivering a three-game sweep of the Canada Moist Talkers in their first series. Their performance mellowed after that, with their offense delivering consistent production and their defense and pitching occasionally letting them down. Through the first two-thirds of the season, the Steaks had neither a winning streak nor a losing streak over three games long. Just like with their grilling, the Steaks were looking for a nice, even sear.
New arrival August Sky proved to be a key member of the batting order, logging the highest batting average on the team at 0.318. Conner Haley, finally given an opportunity at batting instead of pitching, delivered 33 home runs for the Steaks, third-most in the League for the season. August Mina saw less success in her new role as a pitcher, but was a solid replacement for Haley's pitching, earning a respectable 9-11 record with a 5.34 ERA against a tough set of Mild High opponents.
On Days 61 and 62, the Blooddrain gurgled in the Steaks' favor, as Cory Ross siphoned defensive ability from Elijah Valenzuela from the Hawai'i Fridays and Summers Pony siphoned baserunning ability from Karato Bean, also from the Fridays. The Steaks experienced no other weather events during Season 6.
From Day 70 to Day 78, the Steaks went on a five-game winning streak and a four-game losing streak, respectively. By Day 79, critics were questioning if the Steaks had overextended themselves during the winning streak and were exhausted as a result. The Steaks, in an apparent effort to prove their critics wrong, scored 12 runs in the first three innings of their 79th game, running the score up to 19-7 over the Canada Moist Talkers by the bottom of the 9th inning. Those critics' concerns were almost justified as the Moist Talkers brought in six runs in the inning before Ronan Jaylee finally shut the grill lid, earning the Steaks a 19-13 victory and ending their longest losing streak of the season.
The rest of the Steaks' season proceeded without significant incident, as the four Mild League playoff spots had been all but secured by the top teams. The Steaks finished the season with a 48-51 record, fourth in the division and fifth in the Mild League by virtue of Divine Favor. They finished five games behind the Seattle Garages, who claimed the fourth and final playoff spot. This marked the first time in ILB history that the Steaks did not make the playoffs.
The Steaks scored at least one run in every game during Season 6, making them the only team never shut out during the season. They join the Season 3 New York Millennials and the Season 3 San Francisco Lovers as the only teams to achieve such a meaty feat, and are the first team to do so and miss the playoffs.
The Steaks received the and blessings in the .
===Season 9===
Following the , the Steaks were subjected to Targeted Shame and the Fifth Base.
===Season 11===
In the , the Steaks were assigned the Arcana IIII The Emperor.
===Season 12===
In the , the Steaks received the Wills Alternate, which called Gallup Crueller's Alternate, and Infuse, which boosted the combined star rating for Leach Herman.
===Season 13===
In the , the Steaks received the wills Foreshadow, which brought forth Shadows player Zephyr McCloud in a swap for Sam Scandal, and Infuse, which boosted the combined star rating for Cory Ross.
===Season 14===
In the , the Steaks received the wills Foreshadow, which brought forth Sam Scandal in a swap for Kit Adamses, and Infuse, which boosted the combined star rating for Ronan Jaylee.
===Season 15===
In the , the Steaks received the wills Move, sending Gallup Crueller to the Shadows, and Plunder trading Sixpack Dogwalker to the Canada Moist Talkers in exchange for PolkaDot Patterson. The Steaks also won the Clutch Up blessing, granting Allison Abbott the modification for the following season.
==Team Overview==
This section will contain a brief history of the Steaks, once they have one. For more information, please see Dallas Steaks/History.
===Stadium===
The George Fourman Stadium was built in Arlington, Texas on what used to be a Glolf course. The stadium is constructed in the shape of a ribeye steak.
==Staff==
*Coach - Coach
*Philomena A. Minyon - General Manager
*The Grill Master - Mascot
*Ham Sanders - Parapsychologist
==Fan Culture==
For more on the Dallas Steaks' fan culture, see Dallas Steaks/Fan Culture
Fans of the Dallas Steaks are most commonly known as Meatheads, Grillers, Cowpokes, and Grilldads. They pride themselves on their acceptance of just about anyone, with no regard for gender, race, religion or sexual orientation, so long as they enjoy a good cookout (actual steak is optional). 
Many Steaks fans support Blittle League through the Texas Blittle League.
===The Collective Dadconscious===
For more info, see The Collective Dadconscious
One of the great elemental forces of the universe, the Collective Dadconscious is a key part of the Dallas Steaks' fans. It permeates through all in attendance at a home game, stirring within them a desire for good puns, an ice cold drink, and cooking a steak Just Right.
==Underleague Affiliate Teams==
Triple-A: fanleagues:Mesquite Cutlets
Double-A: fanleagues:Ponder Osas
Single-A: fanleagues:Alma X's
==Fan Works==
File:Steaks hokuto.PNG|Season 7 lineup by Hokuto
File:Dallas Steaks Poster.jpg|Credit to @pyromanticarts
Also see, Dallas Steaks/Fan Art.
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Category:Dallas Steaks
Category:Mild League teams
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Category:Internet League Blaseball