The Snowman That Never Melts

There is a snowman that never melts and he is my snowman and this is so strange. But if you know I live in a cold year-round climate it is not strange anymore and it is actually great as I am not encountering the problem of needing to build a new snowman each year.
I just cannot believe my luck and I am so thankful to be living in the north because I never need to make a new snowman. If you need to build a new snowman you need branches and branches are hard to find because there is always so much snow on the ground covering everything. I would not be able to dig up any snow because it is cold and the store I am visiting at regular intervals has no gloves. I am just the luckiest guy on Earth right now because I am also avoiding the need to purchase gloves!
Sometimes I will call my family during summer time and a scream "THERE IS A SNOWMAN IN MY GARDEN BUT IT IS SUMMER OUTSIDE!" over the phone and then they will gasp in shock. They are not living in cold year-round areas I am living in and do not understand that my snowman never melts. What a bunch of idiots.
When I am travelling to them during the festivities, I don't bring them any presents and when they make snowmens it is always such a pathetic sight. Their snowmens don't melt because I always destroy them because they are such poor quality. It is an insult and a spit in my face to show me such bad snowmens.
Now I am skipping the family meal and going around kicking all the snowmens of everyone who lives here because they are not real snowmens and it is so frustrating that people can be this ignorant. Sometimes instead of snapping the branches and pushing the snowmens over I feel the intense need to use my piss to erode the base of one and make it topple over but this is more time-consuming and I often find myself being forced to go back to the family dinner for a few minutes at a time to drink as many glasses of water as I physically am able to in order to reload my piss. This is of great inconvenience if a snowman I decide needs to try and resist my piss is far away. Indeed, most times more than 5 back and forth trips are needed to finish off one snowman because after it falls down I must dissolve it entirely with my piss until there is nothing left. One time a random guy caught me in the act when I was doing that in his garden and he interrupted me, but I just walked away and pretended I couldn't hear anything he was saying to me. Another man yelled angrily when he saw that his whole garden was yellow.
So that is the reason I only piss on some snowmens and not on others because I do not have unlimited time and piss otherwise I would urinate every snowman to death. When the snowman is frozen solid I need to boil my piss in a kettle and bring it in a thermos on site because otherwise it doesn't work. Sadly sometimes it was so cold I needed to abandon the snowman. That would make me in a bad mood when I came home in the middle of dinner and I would say the food tasted horrible to my family. I try not to visit my family if the winter where they live is too cold. If it is too warm and there are no snowmens I am not interested either.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Beings
Category:Potty Humor
Category:English Class Failure