Freaky BJ Bandit 2

Well, it happened again. I don't know what this crazy lady gets out of terrorizing me (other than a delicious ding-a-ling on her jowls). Anyway, here's what went down last evening:
I was laid back on the couch watching Trailer Park: Welcome to Myrtle Manor while casually playing with my dong. I had just polished off 3 sleeves of Oreos and a bag of Corn Nuts so I was feeling quite content. That's when I felt the urge to drop a big old deuce.
As I struggled off the couch and lumbered towards the bathroom, I felt my bowels gurgle and loosen. I sharted, not once or twice, but thrice. Luckily, I thought, it wasn't too serious and I could probably wear these briefs for another day or two. Fuck that 'cause just when I was about to plop down onto the bowl I let loose and shit all over myself and my fruit of the looms. Fuck me. I'll spare you the details but obviously I was in dire need of a shower. My girlfriend was due home from work in about an hour so I wanted to be clean enough for her to, at least, give me a handy. We've both been kinda freaked out about the red headed incident the other day so it would be nice to pop one on my girlfriend again.
I hopped in the shower and started lathering up. I was taking my time and enjoying the hot steam while singing some good old Alan Jackson tunes. I grabbed the shampoo and started lathering my hair generously. That's when I heard the front door close.
"Oh hey hunny!", I yelled. "Be out in a sec. I'm almost done."
As I continued soaping my hair, eyes closed due to shampoo dripping down my forehead, I thought of the delicious left over grub my lady had probably brought home. A bacon double would fuckin hit the spot. Then the bathroom door flew open.
"Oh, hey babe. Whatta you have to take a dump? Be my guest, I don't mind."
The shower curtain flew open and her hand was instantly on my dobber. " Oh, you're feeling frisky, huh? Let me wash this soap out of my eyes real quick." Not a chance.
She was blowing me furiously. It was amazing. She was like a porn star with her wild moves! She spun me around and had me bend over while she sucked it FROM THE BACK! Goddamn it was great! That's when I felt the bottle of Pert Plus getting rammed into my asshole.
It was happening again.
The ecstasy of her toothy knob gobbling combined with the shampoo bottle tearing my ass apart (all while being blinded by Pert) was confusing. I didn't know what I should be feeling other than that I was about to bust a nut. I did and fell forward violently slamming my head on the edge of the tub.
When I came to my girlfriend was standing over me in the bathroom. I was still in the tub and had, apparently, shit myself when I knocked my head.
"You disgusting fucking slob", she muttered. "What the fuck is wrong with you? Why is there shit all over my Pert Plus?"
"Sorry, babe. I must have slipped and accidentally shit myself." I didn't have the heart to tell her I was forcefully blown, yet again.
"Clean up and come have a burger, you tubby bastard. Then maybe you can munch my rug for a few."
The rest of the evening was fairly uneventful but I am getting concerned. If this red headed floozy keeps it up I might have to call the police. I can't just be blowing loads while being ass pounded on a reg. What about my chick? Guys, be on the lookout. Don't let it happen to you.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:WHAT A TWIST!
Category:Unnecessary Sequels
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep
Category:Potty Humor