Mammogram

A mammogram (from the Latin mamma ("gozungas") and gram (an enormous French weight) is a form of torture practiced extensively in the BDSM community, particularly by those who specialize in doctor–patient roleplay. Although popular, it is known for many negative consequences such as breast cancer, exploding head syndrome, and pregnancy. Nevertheless, these have not stopped people from enjoying the mammogram, especially in the western hemisphere.
==History==
===Ancient===
Based on cave paintingsthink of an adolescent boy depicting the unmistakable appearance of human breasts compressed between two flat objects, it is clear that mammogramming dates back at least thirty thousand years. In some cases the images are accompanied by phalluses, which leads some experts to link themover thereon the wall to human sexuality– but this is widely disputed.The dispute arises from the fact that every cave with any wall art at all is plastered with pictures of dicks. It's like a stone age sausage fest, where every big game kill results in bestiality or bukkake.
===Roman Empire===
The Romans were the world's first group who clearly incorporated BDSM into everyday sexual activities. During the Roman Empire mammogramming may have hit a zenith in popularity, being enjoyed by every level of society, from eunuchs through emperors. Romans were the first to solidly link the mammogram to sexuality, using it as a method for increasing satisfaction of both men and women.
Popular Roman mammogram apparatuses were made of rough-hewn wood using screws and weights for compression. As they were extremely expensive, yet required for a middle-class life, families passed these prized objects down from father to son for generations. Some of the best preserved examples today were found in the ruins of Pompeii. Those that still worked were put back into use by Italians, while the broken ones are housed in museums throughout Europe.
===Arab world===
In the Arab world, the link to sexuality is more distant. It was (and still is) practiced only by women upon women within their immediate family. Starting in the 12th century, a girl became marriageable once her breasts were large enough to be mammogrammed. In Islam, it was (and still is) considered a sign of virtue for a woman to mammogram twice a day. These are usually immediately after the second morning and seventeenth evening prayers.
===Middle Ages===
After the spread of Christianity in Europe, which prohibits any thoughts or actions involving any part of the anatomy that is not visible while wearing a suit of armor, the mammogram became extremely rare outside of the aristocracy.Rules do not apply to us, knave!
===Revival===
In the 1700s, the Marques de Sade brought the mammogram out from the aristocratic closet and thrust it passionately into the light. He singlehandedly introduced thousands of innocent girls to the ancient art of intense sexual breast compression. In addition to his prolific personal activities, he wrote extensively on the practice and had vast numbers of pamphlets and books printed to spread his love of flattened breasts wide.
The Marques de Sade also pioneered the modern form of the mammogram, after noticing that a manual printing press was a highly effective mechanism for flattening things. The "de Sade" style mammogram is named after him and uses a special top plate that has the mammogram operator's name or initials raised, to imprint them upon the supple flattened breast.
By the mid-1800s, Victorian sensibility aside, it was again being practiced throughout Europe and North America.
==Modern==
===Equipment===
Modern mammogram techniques are highly refined, with hundreds of manufacturers involved in producing machines in styles and sizes that fit every budget and lifestyle. Most now utilize a vertical compressing assembly that has many similarities to a drill press. Heavy rocks and wood are no longer used for mammogramming,Due to inconsistency in pressure and splinters. being replaced by aluminum, glass, and plastic.
===Practice===
Women (and overweight men) generally mammogram with a partner who handles placing the breast, sometimes after applying various forms of lubricantLike Ben-Gay and hemorrhoid cream. or adhesive, into the machine. The partner then increases pressure gradually until the breast has spread into a desirable shape. After this is complete, the partner often manipulates the nipples and may, depending on the machine, also apply warmth to the breast with fire, heat lamps, electric burners, radiation, or hot pokers.
===BDSM community===
Within the BDSM community, mammograming follows a thoroughly scripted process, involving specific expectations of all participants at every stage. Mammogram machines used in the BDSM community differ from those used by most home users in many ways, from durability through size and installation. Their most striking difference, however, is the use of radioactivity to warm the breasts, since it is considered more even and exciting than other heating methods used in less expensive machines.
Most practitioners set up shop in structures built to resemble a medical office, complete with a waiting room, magazines, uncomfortable chairs, and flat screen televisions flashing images of compressed breasts to remind the women of what awaits them behind those doors. Opposite-gender relatives are never allowed beyond the waiting area and those going for a mammogram are expected to act as though they dread the procedure.Much as men claim to dread a prostate exam, which is the most enjoyable thing most of them have ever experienced.
After the "patient" appears sufficiently stressed about their "ordeal", the "doctor" will instruct an assistant to call the "patient" back into the chamber. Inside, they will generally practice various forms of bondage and uncomfortable undressing scenarios before pressing the breasts between the two cold glass plates. Since this is BDSM, the "doctor" will continue compressing until the "patient" screams a code word.
Once they are both in this solidly-compressed position, the "doctor" will begin applying greater and greater amounts of heat to the breasts until they soften and are willing to expand further, then continue compressing, repeating the process until the "patient" can no longer endure the pain. This skilled manipulation of the controls and application of radiation allows the breast to be compressed well beyond even the most intense compression safely possible with a "cold" or "electric" mammogram machine.
At this point the "doctor" and "patient" sometimes actually fuck.After you become involved in BDSM, the missionary position just doesn't cut it any more.
==Popularity==
While not unheard-of among adolescent children, most women begin experimenting with mammograms on a roughly annual basis by the time they reach the age of 35. Older women are known to enjoy them monthly and sometimes daily. Middle class and above women are the most likely to partake in them regularly and are also the most likely to suffer from negative effects.
In the United States it is estimated that nearly every person with sufficient breast tissue will have had at least one mammogram by their fiftieth birthday.
Expensive mammograms in high-end boutique practitioner offices can run into thousands of dollars a session; these are very popular with the upper classes worldwide.
==Risks and complications==
Though doctors have not conclusively linked the two, there is a strong correlation between women who mammogram (WTM) and breast cancer. Pregnancy and a history of pregnancy seem to lead to an increased interest in mammogramming among most women in the western world. Whether some mechanical aspect of the mammogram or babies is the primary cause of this increased risk is hotly disputed.
The most common side effect is exploding nipples,"My nipples explode with delight!" is a common exclamation among the French, based on this effect. which protrude quite prominently for days or weeks afterward and are very sensitive to physical stimulation. A subset of practitioners seek out women who are prone to this for the heightened sexual responsiveness brought on by the mammogram. Other common side effects include breast lumps of various sizes, skin dimpling, changes in the colour of the breasts, rougher texture to the breasts, nipple inversion, nipple pulling/deflation, nipple shape changes, and bloody discharges from the nipple.→
A small percentage of women may experience extreme side effects from a mammogram, such as exploding head syndrome. This should be taken very seriously as it usually requires medical attention.
==Pornography==
The porn industry has been at the forefront of mammogramming since the 1960s. They established the doctor–patient format as the most popular mammogram experience with cult classics such as: Flattened Titties, Flattened Titties2: Wider and Hotter, Smoosh, Smash Doctor, and Nipples Between Glass.
==In popular culture==
Many everyday items are said to have an appearance that evokes the image of a perfectly-pressed mammary in the viewer.
===Mammo graham===
The mammo graham is named after the mammogram and consists of two graham crackers with a warmed marshmallow (and occasionally chocolate) pressed between them.
===Green Lantern===
The Green Lantern symbol shows a mutant's breast between two plates resisting a mammogram.Hal et al maintain that it actually represents a hat.
==Footnotes==
==See also==
*Sadism
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