Baby's First Operating Table

At what time is your child ready to begin learning the mysteries of life? We at believe no age is too soon and a good education can and should start immediately.
While your baby may believe they came down a chimney via stork transport or perhaps grew in a cabbage patch, there is no reason why they can't know how the heart runs the circulatory system or why they fill their diaper after eating mashed carrot. This is why we proudly present Baby's First Operating Table by !
Don't let your dream of seeing your child becoming a skilled surgeon vanish, put them ahead of the game with Baby's First Operating Table by ! Make your dream come true with the small investment of $250,000 (USD≈ €180,800 £154,900 ¥20,350,000).Plus $250 shipping and handling, taxes not included.
===The doctor is in===
Baby's First Operating Table by contains everything an aspiring infantile surgeon will possibly need. Within every kit will be a collapsible operating table, an array of surgical tools, disposable latex gloves, a surgeon's gown, an overhead lamp, an instructional booklet, twenty-four medications without childproof caps, a prescription pad, and a doctor's bag to store everything in.
No need to worry about quality when you are dealing with . All our products are top tier meeting the highest commercial standards. No plastic or rubber scalpels here, all are high quality tempered steel guaranteed to slice through flesh like butter.Not an actual guarantee.
Don't worry if your baby can't read or write, our instructional booklet uses easy-to-follow picture guides and symbols such as a happy face for good procedures, sad face for bad procedures, and skull and crossbones for potential malpractice suits. As for the prescription pad, it doesn't matter if your baby can write anything, as long as they can scribble, they are already on par with all doctors' penmanship.
===Making house calls===
Once you have printed off your baby's degree in medicine and set up the operating table, they are ready to begin their first surgery.
First they will need a patient. Grandfathers are usually a good choice, especially if they are wheelchair bound and/or catatonic. Remember to encourage your child to scrub before cutting into someone or something. Many young children are reluctant to wash themselves and may need to lose a few patients before they learn the importance of this practice.
It is advised that you lay down a plastic or rubber sheet under the operating table or your floors may become blood-stained.
===Earning a doctorate in fun===
If you are concerned about your early retirement plan involving leeching off your brood, or you really love them, then you may want to look into the special accessories we offer for Baby's First Operating Table by . 
*The MRI Machine
:What good is a surgeon that can't see what they are about to be digging around for? Bring your baby out of the dark ages with state of the art magnetic resonance imaging. With this upgrade to the standard Baby's First Operating Table by , your baby will become the most popular infant in daycare. Included with the MRI Machine is a set of non-metallic obsidian blades so you prodigy may perform MRI-guided operations. Only $200,000!Plus $200 shipping and handling, taxes not included. (Baby's First Operating Table by not included)
*The Transplant Kit
:What good is removing a heart if there isn't a replacement? Why wear prosthetics when you could have the real thing? Why have two lungs when you could have three? The Transplant Kit consists of two ice chests for the transportation and preservation of body parts. The smaller chest can store kidneys, hearts, or eyes, while the larger chest is used for lungs, limbs, and intestines. There is also a blood testing kit to ensure good matches, and an instructional sing-a-long DVD featuring an anatomically correct version of Dem Dry Bones. Only $1200!Plus $120 shipping and handling, taxes not included. Actual body parts sold separately, individual costs vary. (Baby's First Operating Table by not included)
*The Veterinary Guide
:If your baby is more interested in cutting open your cat than their playmates, it may be time to consider their future in veterinary medicine. With the Veterinary Guide, your youngster will easily be able to transition to a lesser, but still profitable future in the medical profession with the same Baby's First Operating Table by set. The Veterinary Guide includes graphic directions for cats, dogs, rodents, and even farm animals like cattle and horses. Only $100!Plus $10 shipping and handling, taxes not included. (Baby's First Operating Table by not included)
*The Mortuary Expansion
:Patients die on the operating table, fact, but it is only a loss if the cause of death is never found. If your baby wonders as much about death as they do life, then they will want the Mortuary Expansion to Baby's First Operating Table by . An autopsy on their dead animals, friends, or relatives can help them understand how the circle of life works and even improve their surgical skills. The Mortuary Expansion includes a refrigeration chamber for bodies, an embalming kit, and reference chart for signs to look for to indicate cause of death. Only $10,000!Plus $100 shipping and handling, taxes not included. (Baby's First Operating Table by not included)
===Safety tips===
Always ensure your child is wearing their face mask and gloves while performing an operation.
Never reuse needles or gloves. Disposable items should be sealed in a medical biohazard bag and destroyed in a waste treatment facility designed for hazardous materials.
After every surgery, it is highly recommended that all tools are sterilized before the next surgery to reduce the spread of bacteria and risk of infections.
Ensure that your baby does not insert scalpels into their mouth.
Do not perform surgery on live starfish, they will duplicate.
Not for children under the age of the second trimester. 
==That fine print with which you needn't worry yourself==
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Category:MedicineCategory:Health