I Hate You (Not!)

DIS STOREE IZ NOT SAFE FUR WORK OR SCHOOL. I MAED SHUR DAT I LUK RELLY KOOL IN DIS TROLPASTER BUT IT IS MAED FOR 18+ SO RED WIT CAER
This isn't one of those "Hacked Game" stories. At no point are you going to hear me claim something within the game attempted to kill me, reacted to my fapping sounds, or forced me to rip my dick off and use it to slap myself repeatedly in the face.
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No, this isn't about a hacked game or a game doing something normal or even something it should have.
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This isn't about a porno or a hidden Nintendo message and at no time did I phone SEGA Headquarters only to have my questions answered with orgasmic screams and sexual sounds
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This story is about a porn feature I think everyone else has uncocked.
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That's it.
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Just a porno we were all supposed to find, but never did. Something that changes an entire generation's adulthood and the very essence of a multi-penny (nickel?) dollar franchise. And I, a professional furcuck, am ready to present my case.
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This is about what I assume to be a previously undiscovered alternate ending of Sonic the Hedgehog 3 for the Super Nintendo.
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In 6969 received my first time machine as a birthday gift. I'd been on Redtube before, had used computers before, but it had always been in school or at a friend's house. I used it to travel back here to tell you all what happened to me.
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This one was mine. All mine. I explored the crude, pre-historic web of the time with great interest - I downloaded all sorts of pornography and even printed it out, which made absolutely alot of sense.
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Also, something you all should know. The porn I watch constantly is Sonamy.
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I can feel the hate cumming for me.
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So I quit playing the game and shut off my computer and got a real life.
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LMAO WTF R U FUR (see what i did there?!?) REAL? A FURCUCK DOESNT GET A LIEF
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I also pirated Sonamy like a madman. Sonamy porn, sonamy hacked rom games, anything (espically porn)
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This was where I first discovered Sonic the Hedgehog 3. I'd never had a Super Nintendo as a little kid, so it was all new to me. I'd downloaded tons of porn along with the PornhubEmulator, but Sonamy was my favorite.
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For over a decade, the same "Sonamy Hacked Game of Scary hyper-realistic shit" was my time-wasting hobby. I played it over and over again, beating the game faster and faster until I began to lazily explore the worlds with no particular purpose. I totally have no life whatsoever.
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Sexy Genie codes helped not at all. I couldn't turn off the timer and re-live a particularly entertaining map for an hour as I waited for a download or any number of real life events. Cuz i would rather sit for an hour walking around a fucking level I beat over a thousand fucking times in a game I beat over a thousand fucking times instead of going outside while I downloaded something.
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It was in this manner that I must've beated and re-beated the game thousands upon thousands of times. (yeayea i already went over that)
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There was no comfort in the obsessive-compulsive behavior of this routine... but all of that continued when I saw the Blind Rhino
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The Blind Rhino, as I referred to it, was sitting on the ground like any other enemy in Sonic the Hedgehog 3 not doing jack shit while charging pointlessly left and right. Except this enemy didn't wait for Sonic to be near. He just charged endlessly like a cuck. I 1v1 360noscoped that dickface.
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Then, I noticed something else out of sorts...
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There was a ring sitting at the co ords 1624;1028 when, (i beat this level 9999+ times and i have no life so i know my shit) I specifically remember that ring was at the co ords 1624;1029!!!!! SERIOUSLY STRANGE SHIT HAPPENING.
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Still, this didn't belong there and I knew it. For a moment, I considered the fact I'd actually BROKEN a ROM file from over-use! So I shut off the game and never played again, instead I went outside and....
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Instead, I opened up a new path on the map selection screen using my hacks.
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A flosting pingas next to Sir Robotnik Egghead's already creepy head-cave-thing.
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I pressed the left arrow and moved onto the fuckface.
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"Oh Sonic Please Yes!"
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This didn't really strike me as odd, because if you're familiar with the Sonic games, there's an area called Fuck Harder Pls Road that you may note has similar names.
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Just stuff like "OH SAWNIC!" and "BANG ME HARDER FUCKFACE" and all manner of sexy words and phrases. Most of the areas were called "Sonic Fucks People in the Forest 1" and "Fatass Mountain 3" and all that, but there WERE maps with hot names like that.
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What did concern me, though, was Sonic's expression. Excitement? Aroused? The fact I can see expresions in a 16-bit game?
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I entered the penis. (Well, it entered your mom first)
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Oddly enough, the dick in the middle of a lake began with the standard "sex" entry animation. Sonic walked up to a castle door, looked down to see his raging boner, then went in.
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I could tell it was under someone's ass though, because of the bubbles that periodically emerged from the sprite's mouth and floated to the top of the screen.
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Inside the asshole, it started to look more and more like I was in fact experiencing a glitch... or I don't know, a hacked game?
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There was plenty of room to jump. No room to run left and right. I must've gone upfor ten to twenty minutes, just holding the Jump-button and wall jumping along along at full speed.
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After a while I ran into one or two Boos in the darkness above. Then three or four... then the screen was full of them. It struck me as odd because, when were boos in a sonic game? But I shrugged it off with my leet badass 420 skills.
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They just kind of hung there, doing nothing. They would chase me if I turned my back. If I made any noise... like Sonic's jump sound... they would just kind of fap a bit, like they heard the sound of Sonic's movements, but could do plenty about it.
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Then something made me keep going and not turn the other way.
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Now I knew beyond a Shadow the Hedgehog of a doubt that this map was designed specifically to fuck with the player. Not because the nothingness was empty, but because it was ESCAPEABLE. I saw some freaky shit written in Sonic's semen on the wall.
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"I LOVE YOU!"
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THAT kind of aroused me. But on the other hand it was kind of interesting because it meant this was definitely a map that wasn't supposed to exist. There was some sort of turbo glitch, here. Something undiscovered.
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What did it mean? WHO loved me? Amy Rose seemed the obvious answer. Or maybe just Robotnik. When you're in a Haunted Vagina that you found by way of a Haunted Penis, a semen-looking love message isn't so unbelievable.
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I saw it again as I approached some Giant Boobs...
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I was thankful that the Boos ended at this point, because the more I watched them fap, the uneasier I felt... almost jealous toward them, etc.
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The thankfulness ended when I turned my back on the Giant Boobs and this happened...
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Giant Boobs with nips I hadn't seen before. They always looked aroused at being tugged on, happy that you were invading the milky way. This was different, and they looked gleeful. WHICH IS DIFFERENT FROM HAPPYFUL.
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And yes, of COURSE I'm going to address that message you didn't saw in the picture. "WHY WON'T YOU CUM?!"
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... I don't know why. Am I supposed to? Who's asking??
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I let the Giant Boobs touch me, and Sonic instantly erupted, cumming everywhere. This wasn't strange, even if it was hyper realistic semen.
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After a while of fapping down this strange claustrophobic corridor with alot more eventful happenings, (which are too scary for you so i wont tell u!!!!) I came to a room with an exit. Taking the downtown, I came out the other end and dropped into a room filled with cum.
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The cum made sense, this being a sunken vagina beneath a penis and all...
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I was rewarded for my troubles with a question mark block that released a a eggman box for me. I didn't open it because I am scared.
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The first creatures I encountered in the undersemen portion of the castle where AJUISTEKUIANS. Unless you've been living under a rock since 1969, you know AJUISTEKUIANS are gaylord pimps that hang from the ceiling and fall whenever you come near. They try to fuck you, essentially.
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Well these AJUISTEKUIANS , lined up in a tight foursome, dropped repeatedly and randomly with no real trigger or any sense of logic. They would just fap and cum whenever they seemed to feel like it.
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It also looked like these pimps had been very successful.
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More hyper realistic cum. This was getting pretty usual for the Sonic franchise, which I had recalled seeing semen in alot. Now I'd seen it used about 294618362916283 times.
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In the hampering effects of the sticky cumz, I walked fast (GUTTA GO FAZT!) under these things, making sure every single one didn't touched me and LIVED. There was almost 4 of them in a row!!!
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The sight of them mindlessly fapping over and over again just made me love them with an unsettling desire to make a porno.
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What's weird is that the cum caused Mario to slide as if he were on an ice level. But that didn't fucking matter, I'm playing as Sonic. (FURCUCK FUR LIEF)
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After walking through that room of cum, I swam into a more open area that was filled with onions on the floor and ceiling.
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It was difficult to swim in this manner without touching the onions, but since I was still was not invincible so I did think much of it. I avoided them more for survival more than out of any sense I'd be damaged. Because we all know Sonic SLIGHTLY DISLIKES ONIONS AND WILL BE UNCOMFORTABLE FOR 2.12037266 SECONDS WHICH CANNOT HAPPEN BECAUSE I BELIEVE IN MY SONICKUUUUU
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It stopped being "fun" really fast, though.
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Now I still didn't know how to solve the milenium puzzle. The semen mess the AJUISTEKUIANS were unendingly spattering? It was other Sonics. Past Sonics that had tried to traverse this level and failed. Which is fucking weird, I thought I was the only person to ever find this? Whatever. I alt tabbed out while setting my character on auto run for 20 minutes to fap to some Sonamy and when I got back I was still swimming.
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"It was genius, and I couldn't believe I MIGHT be the first and only person to ever see this."- The pasta I am making a parody of.
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The corridor that followed was full of sluts, thankfully. It was just a red underwater hallway of sorts with nothing to avoid or kill. It was arousing and predictable like the game had been all these years, which brought back a sense of sexuallity.
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At the end of the hallway I came to the standard pair of dicks you'd enter to face a final boss.
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Beside the doorway, A SUPER SAWNIC POWER-up.
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I didn't touch that shit cause' I'm dumb.
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Going through the door was as you'd expect. The typical change of Sonic's virginity which he lost time and time again because whenever you die he gets it back and Sonic was standing on the ubiquitous (lolwut?) bridge over a bed.
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When Sonic went on the bridge, he saw Princess Amy before him. He fapped for minutes on end.
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ALL OF A SUDDEN Sonic immediately looked to the side and froze. I could control him still, but I eanted things to happen naturally. He just stood there. (i wonder why, could it be because i stopped controlling him?)
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Then a familiar face walked in from the right.
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Dressed in nothing, short, a fox, had 2 tails, his name was Tails, orange.
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It was TAILS. OMFG U DIDNT GUESS DID U?!?!??!???¿¡!
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Sonic recoiled in glee. It's difficult to say that without thinking how crazy it sounds, but Sonic really reeled back with a sort of gayness that was uncharacteristic for such a straight, happy-go-lucky-sex-addicted-fuck-amy-everyday mascot like him.
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Then, Tails spoke,
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It was all connecting, now. The messages scrawled on the walls... "I LOVE YOU!" and "WHY WON'T YOU CUM?!"
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Tails.
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He's always been Sonic's second sex partner, the "Playboy 2" the one who doesn't get the bitches in these early games. No matter how unidentical he is to Sonic in skillset and ability and tenaciousness and bravery, at the end of the day the game is "Super Sawnic Brothers", and he's just "the sexond banana".
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Amy likes it fast FYI, that is why this Tails cuck doesn't get no action.
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How he must've loved Sonic... Who among us wouldn't? Think about it. No matter what happens, Sonic always cums back. No matter how many orgasms he has, he is always there once more to cum in Amy for pornos and get all the adoration.
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And Eggman hadn't worked alone? I didn't know what that meant at first, if anything, but again you just have to think it through. HOW exactly does King Robotnik consistently succeed in kidnapping the Princess Amy, Sonic's Personal STD bank of mobius?
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From day one, from the original Sawnic Brothers onward, it had always been an inside blowjob.
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Still able to control the character, I made Sonic simply jump repeatedly as Tails leapt high into the air... as high as he could in Mario 2, the bastard child of the franchise...
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He lunged into Sonic's anus and humped him repeatedly over and over and over for a few minutes. Finally he let loose a mighty orgasm.
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Then the bridge started to disappear. Soon, Sonic would be laid by the bitch lying on the bed. As I looked on, I had a turbo rational thought - would it be permanent threesome wth that bitch, sonic and amy?
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The answer was yes.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Sonic
Category:WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT
Category:Blatant Ripoffs
Category:Excessive Profanity
Category:English Class Failure
Category:Hyper-realistic