Elmo's World: The Lost Episode

As a child, I grew up in a Catholic household, and my childhood was incredibly different from others.
My parents were very strict and didn't let me watch programs other kids were allowed to watch. I wasn't allowed to watch SpongeBob because my parents thought it would turn me gay, I also wasn't allowed to watch Pokémon because it was apparently "satanic". The shows they let me watch were not that good. Shows like Nature Cat and fucking Odd Squad I found awful even as a kid.
The only show I found enjoyable was Sesame Street. Unlike the other it didn't shove fucking education in my face and it was actually quite good. I owned some of their DVDs and I also owned the CDs.
Eventually, I grew up and moved out. Nowadays, I'm an atheist, but I act like I'm still religious whenever my parents are around. The other day, I wanted to relive my childhood, so I went to the local thrift shop to look for some Sesame Street DVDs.
I met up with a man dressed in a Big Bird suit. I then made my way into the store and found a lot of weird yet likable stuff such as a totem pole of General Asquith and others. I met up with this man who seemed right-handed asking me how my day was.
I was fine and I went to the DVD section where it had movies like The Simpsons Movie, Iron Man, Barney's Great Adventure, The Transformers Movie, Jurassic Park and others.
But then, I found a Sesame Street DVD.
For some reason, the cover had Elmo in a blue background, and there was text in Comic Sans saying "Elmo's World Ü".
I bought it because of the great view. The store clerk was a crazy guy dressed like something China would have worn back in the day. He warned me that if I viewed this DVD, I would begin to believe that megachurches are causing Christianity to suffer. I told him not to worry since I attend church every Sunday morning. He trusted me and warned me to be cautious. I returned home to check my mail. I owe the government over a thousand dollars, according to the document. I was surprised at how cheap everything here was. What a coincidence!
Anyways, I went into my house, and I wanted to know what that creepy U symbol with the 2 dots was, so I went on a Sesame Street forum online and I asked what the hell this episode was.
An hour later I got a reply to my forum post. The reply read "Must be related to the Toy Story Ü films" I searched up what Toy Story Ü was, Apparently they were demented versions of the Toy Story films that had weird and disturbing content. After that I really did not want to watch the DVD I found, but of course, curiosity got the best of me.
So I went down into the basement eager to experience what can this lost episode bring. Remember kids, if you assume you make an ass out of you and me... or is it the other way around? But anyway I inserted the disc and it began to run.
That was the decision I would later come to regret.
The DVD began with the FBI warning screen, and the Sony Wonder and Sesame Workshop logos. It then took me to the DVD menu.
What I saw was something I hadn't seen before. The menu had Elmo doing the floss, along with Cookie Monster was beating up the letters of the Sesame Street sign, as well as many other characters doing weird shit, such as smoking marijuana, fighting in the style of Naruto, whacking each other in the...I don't wanna say it.
It had only 1 button which read: "play episode".
I looked at the menu, and thought, "Meh, I've seen worse menus."
I pressed the button, and that's when shit started to mess my entire life up.
I almost jumped into the air in shock when the episode began with some horrible rock cover of the theme song, as the camera flew across Sesame Street.
What the hell did I just experience? That isn't something you'd regularly see in...whatever the hell I just saw.
Before I could understand it, a green Grover with crooked eyes appeared from the garbage with a gun as the music changed to heavy metal.
The Green Grover said as he began to gently squeeze the gun, "I must sacrifice Sesame Street in order to save Hitler."
The music was abruptly cut off by a LOUD gruff voice saying "shhhhhit!" before it all went black.
We then see Elmo on his computer. He was attempting to remove all the viruses he got on CoolMathGames.com.
Suddenly, he looked towards the camera, and said...
"My world is the circus, and you're the clown."
Before he fucking farted, causing him to fall out the window and sail into the New York sky while "New York State of Mind" by Billy fucking Joel played in the background.
The video then abruptly cut to INCREDIBLY low-quality footage of Miles and Banjo from The Let's Go Show driving a Beamer like dicks and throwing cocaine out the window. They began driving on top of other people's damn cars, causing millions of worth of damage. Banjo jumped out of the car at one point and started spraying powdery narcotic shit at the nearest driver, causing a massive pileup and some woman screaming "OH MY GOD!!!!" over and over again.
What the hell is going on through? How did this scene get in here in the first place? The Let's Go Show isn't even produced by Sesame Workshop. It had nothing to do with the plot but everything to do with Miles and Banjo being dicks.
Then Elmo reappeared, dressed as Shredder from the TMNT. He was fucking playing Need for Speed: Most Wanted on the PS Vita. Every time he lost, he was fucking SHRIEKING and spinning the tire swing, disrupting people's fucking business.
We then see Grover flying to Durham, New Hampshire on his aircraft or whatever he's in for no fucking reason.
"Now it is time to perpetrate the most despicable thing." Grover said as he drove by the University of New Hampshire.
I'm not sure how to explain it because Grover's face has just one expression, yet he appeared ominous.
Grover then SMASHED through a random lecture classroom window and started rapping.
"New Hampshire
There's a place that I know
New Hampshire
Where the purple lilacs grow
New-"
"What the FUCK?" screamed the fuckin' Stats Professor, who was teaching in the room.
"Did your parents transfer you to UNH?"
"What the fuck is UNH, biatch? Is there an issue with your period?" Grover shouted as he attempted to resume rapping, but the professor yelled "That is IT!" and he LEAPT on him, tackled him on the ground, yelling "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY CLASSROOM!" again and again.
The kids didn't seem to mind because they were already fuckin' half asleep because that's what going to the University of New Hampshire does to a bitch.
Grover then replaced stats on the class whiteboard with inserted the graph about UNH's reputation as a fuckin' party school.
He then screamed to the entire class...
"Class, you have a new assignment. LET'S GO ON A HUGE ADVENTURE TOGETHER!"
As the instrumental track of "Monster in the Mirror" played, we cut to Grover and a crowd of college students partying and sailing through the university.
The back cover of Green Day's "Dookie" album with Ernie on it flashed in for a split second.
Grover suddenly stops and screams after seeing the Green Grover from earlier heading in their way.
"Who the absolute hell are you, faker?" yelled Grover.
The green Grover just stood there silently staring at the ordinary Grover.
"Are you going to move out of the way, man? That's not something I'm willing to pay for!"
The green Grover just kept staring without saying anything.
"Do you find this amusing? Do you want to get ejected?" Grover screamed.
"Calm down, Grover!" screamed one of the kids or whoever, as the green Grover just continued..... fuckin' looking, his head slowly turning to the side.
The regular Grover screamed, "Fuckin' ASSHOLE!" as he smashed the green copy to the floor, and the footage cut out as the beginning of a scream was heard.
We see Big Bird walking into the fucking Silver Diner in Cherry Hill, New Jersey, and asking the cashier
"Do you have any birdseed milkshakes?"
"Look buddy, we only have what's on the menu," the cashier remarked.
"With birdseed milkshakes?" says Big Bird.
"No," responded the cashier.
Big Bird said, "But you said with!"
The cashier lost his SHIT all of a sudden.
"Look, friend, whatever fuckin' issue you have, this is America, MOTHA FUCKA. We never have any birdseed milkshakes! Now take off your fucking turkey costume and get the fuck out!"
Big Bird took a pause for a bit.
Suddenly, he went CRAZY in the cafe, punching the clerk and screaming "I WANT MY BIRDSEED MILKSHAKES!!!" while vomiting birdseed all over the place.
As Tamir and fucking Ji-young with red skin, glowing eyes, and a fucking static smile on her face went inside the store and started blaring airhorns with green gas leaking everywhere, Giorno's fucking theme began to play immediately.
The video abruptly cut out, and a picture of Donald Trump with a massive joint in his mouth emerged, along with the words "SESAME STREET MUST EXIST."
Was this some sort of political statement in a Sesame Street video? They'd likely been doing it for a while, but never so abruptly.
Elmo suddenly looked up, and a cartoon conversation bubble emerged on the screen, with him saying, "Please plug that back in" in his regular, cheery voice.
I didn't get it.
Elmo began digging through his pocket.
As Elmo began to rant in the voice of a very furious American guy as he drew out a pistol and the screen began to shake, the LOUDEST fucking screamo music I had ever heard began to play.
He began screaming, "PLUG THAT BACK IN, MOTHA FUCKA!" over and over.
I gave out a scream.
Elmo mockingly cupped his hands to his cheeks and screamed back at me.
Then he added,
"DIPSHIT, ARE YOU OKAY? ARE THERE ANY PROBLEMS WITH YOU? PLUG IN THAT FU-"
Everything went black once again.
It then cut to a clip of Lightning from Elmo Saves Christmas at a Wendy's, which was released in 1996.
"Do you have any pizza?" He remarked to Green Day's Billie Joe Armstrong, who was working at the restaurant.
"Do you honestly believe we serve pizzas, you piece of shit?" Armstrong asked angrily in an Australian accent.
You won't believe what happened after Armstrong gave Lightning a cheeseburger.
The burger was then taken by Lightning, who threw it at a random teen and began a food fight. Then Lightning rushed inside the restroom and hid behind the stall.
"Would you like a pizza?" Lightning said this while showing a pizza made of burger ingredients to a Scottish-looking man.
"No way in hell, you dipshit!" yelled the guy as he ran out from stall, and Lightning went down the toilet like Mario down a pipe.
What a fucking asshole.
Bert and Ernie then travel back in time to a fucking Boris Johnson speech, screaming nonsensical SHIT into the microphone as Boris began panicking and rolling up a fucking cigarette on live television to calm down.
Before Boris lit Ernie on fire with his joint, the latter went off on a tangent about how the UK was declaring war on fucking Greenland and Iceland as well as how the Brexit scenario was a strategic error, before announcing that the UK will colonize Belgium to establish its own English-speaking community.
I couldn't believe it. Why were the puppets from Sesame Street attempting to obliterate history?
Elmo then teleported to Tickle Me Land, where all of the other Elmo copies were battling each other and throwing all of the letters of the Elmo's World logo.
Elmo then took the stage and began singing some nonsensical babble to the tune of Lil Yachty and D.R.A.M.'s "Broccoli."
All of the Elmo duplicates started dancing crazily to it, and one of them started spinning like a fuckin' tornado, engulfing everything into him.
It then proceeded to Elmo's World. "Phew, that was shit!" Elmo said.
Before returning to the show, it cut to a random video of Cookie Monster sticking a broom up his arse and screaming like a fucking maniac.
Big Bird was beating the drums furiously, while Elmo danced with 576 skeletons. They were all dressed in McDonald's clothing, and some even donned a monocle, and they were all dancing with Elmo.
The next part gave me nightmares for weeks.
We see Professor Buck Awe, but he was from behind. He was on a spaceship, but the interior was pitch black. He was carrying something in his right hand, but I couldn't see what it was.
Then it came to me.
It was a fucking microphone.
Buck Awe suddenly WHIPPED around with a fucking man's mouth and started fucking rapping, moving side to side as he dropped the most INTENSE bars I'd ever heard in what sounded like Tupac Shakur's voice.
After a brief period of bewilderment, I realized the beat was a fucking rap remix of one of his episode's songs, "Stand in Line."
I let out a scream.
Before I fast-forwarded to the next scene, Buck Awe began sticking his fucking tongue out of his mouth and laughing.
We see Elmo again, and he said: "Now, me and the crew will now sing a song just for Ü! HIT IT!"
Cookie Monster then took out a boombox, pressed the play button, and a shitty beat started to play.
Elmo started singing along, but his voice was SO DAMN LOUD I couldn't understand what he was saying.
Suddenly, a bunch of Anything Muppets appeared and started throwing their own feces everywhere before the scene cut to Big Bird vomiting on Oscar's trash can.
There was no sound.
It faded to dark for a fraction of a second before cutting to everyone fighting, slapping one other, and flipping off one another.
The music was then replaced with a slowed-down rendition of the Tickle Me Land tune as the credits rolled.
The normal 2000 Sesame Workshop logo appeared, but then Cookie Monster erupted into the logo and screamed "EAT COOKIES EVERYDAY, MOTHERFUCKER!" before the disc stopped and reverted to the main menu.
I didn't feel like I could take a breath. I was shocked.
I passed out on the street and awoke in a hospital, according to the doctors.
Whatever occurred, I'm alright now.
But I'm not certain I'll ever be able to witness Sesame Street the same way again.
So, if you know how to get to Sesame Street...
Never, and I mean NEVER, watch that shit.
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