Jaimy the Killer vs Time Traveling Dad

"Oh my gawd, aren't bleach-blonds the worst people in the world?! And it's totally justified to straight-up murder them for calling me, a clearly troubled and mentally unwell tween, a freak! By the way, I'm a special flower because I'm an artist!" Jaimy the Killer squealed to herself.
It was well after midnight, but she had yet to kill anyone since her "boyfriend" Jeff the Killer was not around. He had told her he had business to take care of and would not be with her for the night's murder. Unfortunately, this meant Jaimy just couldn't bear to slaughter an innocent without him. Instead, she had been congratulating and flattering herself out loud for several hours. It was extremely self-indulgent and would probably have annoyed anyone who was listening.
Just as Jaimy was about to start gushing about how HAWT Jeff was, there was the sound of something tearing apart. Her curiosity roused, she followed the sound to its souce. To the girl's surprise, she saw a glowing vertical line miraculously floating in air. As she started to approach it, the line widened, accompanied by the tearing sound. Jaimy realized the line had become an opening, as there was an entire other location on the other side. It was like she was looking through a portal to some other place, or perhaps another time.
Then the man stepped out.
He was an older man, but still tall and well-built. He had slight stubble on his chin and an unlit cigar chomped in his teeth. His eyes were deep and intelligent, and took in the surroundings coolly. Dark hair just starting to go gray at the temples fell easily about his face, giving him a roguish look. The man wore a stylish dark suit, the shirt unbuttoned at the top. To complete the look, he had a shotgun slung over one shoulder. The word "Peacemaker" had been etched into the barrel, though the first "e" in the word appeared to have been crossed out.
The portal closed behind him and the man gave a wry smile to the little girl. He asked, "So where is he?" His voice was gruff yet remained calm.
"Whuh?" Jaimy responded intelligently.
"Jeff the Killer. It's time I put an end to his charade as a terrifying murder machine. He's nothing but a whining child with good publicity. He even has the bad habit of spawning more of the same. "
Jaimy grinned. Here was her victim for the night! How dare he threaten her tru wuv Jeff! She pulled out a knife and charged directly at the older man. After all, what could he do to stop her? "Smile, it's Jaimy!" she shrieked, hoping to strike fear into his heart.
The man sighed. As Jaimy closed the distance between them, he put one hand out casually and caught her annoying head in his palm. The man held her at arm's length as Jaimy vainly spun her arms like a windmill to reach him with the knife.
"That's cheating! Adults can't beat kids!" Jaimy whined.
"Tell it to ol' Pacemaker," the man responded. He flipped the shotgun off his shoulder, put it against Jaimy's chest, and pulled the trigger all in one smooth motion. The blast knocked the girl to the ground. There was no blood and Jaimy thought she was uninjured. She laughed.
"Ha! I knew you couldn't kill me!"
The man turned away from her. "Perhaps in your own story, I couldn't, but not here. You see, Pacemaker doesn't use normal buckshot. It uses the force of Competent Writing. Anything hit with it that was originally written by a hack doesn't stand a chance of surviving."
Jaimy was about to ask him what he was talking about when she realized something was wrong with her. She looked down and saw that she was dissolving into random letters! No, they weren't random, they were the letters that made the words that made her terrible story. She was being broken down piece by awful piece. She screamed until the letters reached her head overtook her completely. The letters melted into a black sludge, and soon even that evaporated. Nothing remained.
The man barely even batted an eye at the situation. It was nothing he hadn't seen before. He started to walk away from the scene.
"One more awful Mary Sue gone, but there are still so many more," he mused quietly. "I'll keep picking them off until I finally destroy the souce: Jeff himself. I'll travel to any place in any time to stop his horrible spin-offs." He glanced up, almost as if he was looking right at the person reading this story. "Who am I? I would think it was obvious by now.
"I'm Time-Traveling Dad." 
Category:Satire
Category:Jeff the Killer
Category:Memes
Category:Bad Fanfiction
Category:MARY SUE ALERT
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:BATTELS