Jeff the Manic Pixie Dream Killer

This happened to me last year and I still can't get the thought of it out of my head, probably because it only happened to me last year. I was sitting on my bed watching Digimon, which is the bad version of Pokemon, but I still got some enjoyment out of it, mainly from the goddess known as Mimi Tachikawa. That is until I heard a knocking, as if someone aggressively banging, fucking at my bedroom door.
I called out, "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" and that seemed to stop the noise, as for the next twenty minutes, I was free to fap to the subpar storytelling on my TV screen, but before I could reach my climax, I heard the banging again.
By this point, I was fucking irate. I ran to the door without even bothering to pull my pants up and tripped over myself because my jeans were hindering my movement. I ripped my pants off and walked to the actual fucking door with my actual fucking penis actually fucking flopping around like keys dangling from a chain.
I slammed the door open and immediately heard what sounded like a man groaning in pain. I thought nothing of it and walked back into my bedroom, masturbating furiously to even more Digimon bullshit. Whilst I was two seconds before climax, I saw a man with white skin, black eyes, a bloody smile, and a Sailor Moon t-shirt run into my room, but I gave too little of a fuck to pay any attention to him, so I continued to fap.
When he was about two feet from me, I turned around just to see who exactly was running at me and ended up releasing my hot, sticky load all over the pale, slender figure. He put his hands over his eyes and cried out.
"Ahh! Not the cum! Not the cum! All in my eyes! My eyes! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHH!"
I ignored his pleas for help and kicked him in the dick with all the power a horny teenager could muster, which is surprisingly not that much. He let out not even as much as a moan and then proceeded to take a knife out of his back pocket, which I suspect led directly into his ass as the knife was covered in a dark liquid that looked too brown in color to be blood.
"Uhh, yeah, skeet skeet, feel the heat heat. Skrrt skrrt, feel the hurt hurt," he said.
I had no knowledge of Internet Neologism Language, so these incomprehensible words shocked and appalled and aroused me. I ran away as fast as I could, praying to every god I knew of and hoping that I wouldn't get stabbed by this manic pixie dream bitch. He was too fast for me, though, and he eventually caught up to me and tackled me to the ground with his mighty incel force.
I was ready to let him stab my pelvic region right then and there, but before he had a chance to, I noticed a Friendship is Magic lunchbox out of the corner of my eye, and without needing to think another thought, I grabbed the lunchbox and hit him in the side of the head, which made him bleed hyperrealisticlly. I wasn't satisfied with this, however, and hit him about another twenty-six times, which is an oddly specific number since I definitely wasn't counting.
He died right then and there, and I used his body to make that night's dinner, which was well-marbled and quite tender, though it had a gamey quality and a slight oaky aftertaste. To this day, I leave my bedroom door triple locked and still jerk off to erotic Mimi Tachikawa fanfiction, so overall, I guess you could say I'm doing well.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Hyper-realistic
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck