Doge Ruttmon

I was at a Flea market a few days ago. While there, I found a store with a sign in front saying "Haunted games here." as I enter the smell of old semen, and rotten hamburgers filled my nose knocking me out. After getting up and clean off the Gremlin I fell onto, I walked to the old man selling the games, he told me that on that day they had a special sale "Buy 1, get the game free." He had alot of games, but though all the Halo's and Sonic games, I found it. Postal 2 for my Sega Genesis! I got the game free and drove home. 
I sped all the way home, only killing 2 kids, and a 3 cops, a new personal record! I opened up my Genesis and shove that shit in there! After wasting about 30 minutes of watching the Movie trailers the game finally start. I was so shocked, I got the wrong game. I got some shit game called "Portal 2" and not Postal 2. I got on my phone and called the Old Man, begging for refund. The old man sent my to voice mail. It said "Hello, I can't pick up the phone right now, I am busy tying the noose, please call my bitch Ex-Wife for any other information." seconds after the man finished talking, I heard the man choking to death, and a beep ending the voice mail. I was so scared I had to change my pants 3 times, I was freaking out wondering, Who hung up the message!?
I calmed down, said. Maybe this game will make me forget about it. The game started, I was in a lone room. Then I heard a man's voice telling me to do some commands. " Look up, look down, jump, look at the art, and put your head in the noose." I did what I was asked, as the screen turn black. As the screen began turning normal the room was covered in blood. Blood everywhere, Roof, Walls, Floor, and probably in the main characters panties. I felt bad for whoever couldn't find a tampon in time. Then someone knocked on the door, eventually after a few knocks it opened, and it was an annoying British asshole with a red hyper-realistic eye. He asked my character to say "Apple" by pressing "A." I did and the character responded "Dez Nuts." The robot looking pissed went inside a control room, and began smashing the room against a wall, as my character flew from the last smash the British guy told me to go fuck myself. I fell thought a broken wall. and kept falling, I was falling for so long I went on my iTunes and began playing "Free falling."
After the sixth replay I landed on some more blood, and I grabbed the controller and kept moving forward, eventually the blood turned white as semen. Then the game froze, I restarted my Sega Genesis. And started the game but this time the screen was black. Then out of nowhere, a man began screaming, I knew it. It was Doge Ruttmon. Eventually my character gets up, as Doge grabs the Companion Cube and smash Chell in the face. She began puking blood, as Doge pulled down his pants, shitting on her. I felt sorry for Doge, knowing he's been alone in Aperture Science for years. After he finished, he turned around forcing Chell to suck his donger. I had to stop this, I wanted Postal 2, not some porn game from Brazil. So I pressed the A button, but the only thing it did was make him cum. He began to stop, after I heard a slam outside. It was my parents, they had been at work all day. If they saw this on my TV, I'd be grounded for at least a week. So I tried to turn off the console. But nothing happened. So I attempted to unplug it nothing, so I had to do the only thing I could do. I grabbed a Shotgun from my dad's gun shelf and shot the TV. It turned black, then Doge Ruttmon jumped out of the TV with some dank memes following him. He was ass naked and he jumped on my face forcing my to suck. My parents walked down stairs to see the horror, they began yelling at me, telling my I am not supposed to have parties when I'm home alone. My dad grabbed the shotgun, and shot Doge many times. But nothing work, he still forced me to suck. My dad called 9-1-1. But they said they could do nothing. Doge and his dank memes were stuck, and there was nothing I could do. So even to this day, even writing this right now Doge Rattman is making me suck. And sometimes shits for no reason. Eventually everyone at school got used to him. And I have had a fairly normal life since.
Category:TRUE STORY
Category:Satire
Category:Memes
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Hyper-realistic