Brazilian Traffic Code

thumb|Move along, nothing to see here. 
The Brazilian Traffic Code (BTC) is the set of laws, norms, and guidelines that apply to motor vehicles, boats, farm vehicles, farm animals, church-goers, schoolchildren, and anyone dining at a buffet. Traffic is considered to be the movement of roads by vehicles, living and dead animals, people, ghosts, and any other things capable of creating an accident. Implemented in 1850, updates have been few and far between. Some of the offenses that the BTC tries to curb include those exemplified in the image, dangerous women drivers, and all male drivers all the time. Every year a new law or change appears on a trial basis to further annoy Brazilian drivers who are neither masters of motoring nor of their own destiny. 
Currently, the BTC has twenty chapters, each more dull than the other, the most important being Chapter XX, which closes this code. The most useful ones for us mortal drivers are Chapter XV (On Offenses) and Chapter XIX (On Fucking Traffic Crimes). The rest is more sausage stuffing.
Breaking down the BTC
Chapter summary, listing the useful parts of this code.
==Preliminary Provisions==
Preliminaries are kisses on the mouth , caresses, sucks, bites, etc. Under national law, foreplay is not very sexual. not explicitly, but implicitly aiming to fuck up your life. It is said that the jurisdiction of the Brazilian Traffic Code extends as far as cars go, be it rural, urban or beach areas. Enclosed areas are not covered by the Traffic Code. Thus, if there is a shaving in a garage or if they park in a prohibited place inside the house, they do not run the risk of being a victim of the fine industry, as it does not fall within the competence of the CTB. .
The provisions of the Traffic Code apply to all vehicles, drivers, people on the streets, roads, whether national or foreign, even if you are a Venezuelan on a motorcycle entering the country just to buy toilet paper.
==National Transit System ==
Our competent law enforcement agents, who are part of the system
The National Transit System (SNT) is the cake formed by agencies, municipalities and ministries that pretend to work with traffic. From the most fucked up organ of organs ( DNIT ) to the most fumbled of traffic guards (Rodoviary Police) they are part of a system that seeks to collect, done in any way, but fundamental to subsidize the perks of the Brazilian maharajas.
In order of submission, at the base of the SN o T food chain is the highway plebe , formed by pedestrians of the most different levels of education and whose main task is to demand documentation from some of the largest traffickers and smugglers in South America who use our roads to distribute the goods .
Then, a little above the base of the pyramid are the DERs and DETRANs , agencies that have greater resources and less workload than their colleagues in the Highway Police. As a good part of the national roads are granted to the private sector , it is up to the DER to do nothing, for example, that is, its employees spend all day scratching their bags on facebook (literally) while the agents of Detran only learned to note the value of the fine and nothing else, they don't organize the traffic, they don't block roads with problems, nothing, they just wear their sunglasses and use the authority to make some fathers with late licenses shit water out of fear.
Failure to comply with the general rules causes this
At the end of the pyramid are the Brazilian executive ministries, useless bodies that only serve as a job hanger for a large part of the population of Brasília , they are: Ministry of Transport and Ministry of Cities (the latter as useful as a flannel in a private parking lot ). They are bodies that define what the rules are and what the freak orders the drivers will have to obey this time, what will be the mandatory item when the drivers will have to buy to strengthen a partner company of the government, etc.
General rules being followed by the citizens in the photo
The code says that the driver must avoid dangerous behavior in traffic. It also says that the driver must know how to steer his vehicle well. Feminists have complained about this chapter as it impedes women's leadership .
The code warns that the driver must not use drugs while driving, such as Funk and Sertanejo Universitário .
The driver must guide his jalopy on the right , in double lanes. On a one-way lane with more than 2 lanes, slower car should drive on the right and faster ones on the left, but there will always be a son of a bitch going at 80km/h in the fast lane.
When trying to overtake, the driver must make sure that his car can overtake the car in front. The driver who is being overtaken, if he has a more powerful car, should touch his foot on the board, avoiding being overtaken by any shit . Honor first, of course.
The driver who wants to make the turn maneuver must make sure that he has enough mental capacity to make such a maneuver, because if the mule has only half a brain , it is difficult.
The driver who wants to enter a track must give preference to the others... unless those others are too many. In this case, the best thing to do to not be waiting like a muggle is to cut the front of the smallest car or some Honda Biz motorcycle because if you hit the damage it will be less (but if you do, don't say you read it in Uncyclopedia, please).
Is it worth it to brake sharply, or better to run over this idiot troop?
It is normal for drivers to give way, especially larger vehicles for smaller ones. Because they are slower, trucks tend to give way to faster vehicles. Bikes don't need preference because bikers are already in it. Preference for buses and trucks nobody wants to give. What if I have a Lifan ? Kill yourself! This is neither a car nor a vehicle. Your preference is in the abyss.
==Braking ==
The cautious driver should not brake abruptly, only when it is really necessary. Everything must be done to control the braking, avoiding braking for any reason. Until someone appears in front of the car, we must consider whether it is worth braking, or whether it is better to accelerate and run over better.
An example of necessary braking is if you run the risk of running over and popping a soccer ball . Damn, are you going to run the risk of disturbing the kids' football? Of course not? Respect in traffic, if someone comes after you and knocks, you will understand that it was for a noble cause.
==Animals and traffic ==
These fucking animals crossing the road
Animal-drawn vehicles must drive on the right, leaving the other side for drivers. But what if the track is unique, what to do? Going over the cart is not possible (it can, but I think it's a crime) and the Traffic Code was silent on this part. So the way is to wait, and walk at 5km/h.
Animals alone or in groups that are on the track must always walk in groups, it is difficult to make the animals read the Traffic Code and not disrespect this rule. I've seen some skunks walking around the track in disarray, and I had to run over them, but that's beside the point.
==Lighting ==
The driver must use the flasher in the following situations:
Make a crooked stop in the middle of the street;
Brake the car like retarded and use the flasher quickly, so the car in the back gets fucked ;
To play blinker, simply.
The driver must use the low light at night and in the rain . Low light is what most call high light. And high light is what? What many call a lighthouse, wrongly. So, the most tramp little light is what? The code calls it the position light. Fucked, nigga, no driver knows this rule.
And when should the driver use the high light then? Whenever you want to fuck the sight of a driver coming in the opposite direction, just making fun of it. It's also useful for lighting up roads that are darker than cow's ass . Another important use is to alert fellow drivers about blitz.
==Horn ==
Correct use of the horn, following the general rules of the CTB
The driver must use the horn in the following situations:
*Whenever you think it's necessary, cool, fun, to irritate other drivers, scare away dogs on the streets, wake up old women on the sidewalks, wake up sick people in the hospital and, especially, for motorcades or when you're irritated with other horns.
As for the prohibitions, the Traffic Code makes it very clear that the driver MUST NOT use the horn after ten at night and before six in the morning. OK, but what happens if my team is champion in soccer after midnight, how do I blow the horn in the streets to let everyone know that my team is champion? Ah, then the code allows this horn as it is something important and every rule has an exception.
Category:Brazil
Category:Transportation