nyuuzyou/wikis huggingface dataset:
I am smarter than you

My IQ is off the charts, what kind of genius do I compare to in my world? There is no way to accurately describe the gap that exists between me and normal humans.
You know who Shakespeare was? Good. He was utterly dumb compared to me. I am an actual deity of my language. My words are so perfect when created, that every sentence is grammatical. That is what I am capable of.
My IQ is literally off the charts in the top 99.95 percentile. My comprehension skills of the English language make Albert Einsten a blubbering idiot. I have the ability to write anything at the flip of a moment, and I guarantee it will be grammatically correct. My spelling and grammar is impeccable as I type on my 150% keyboard with my 12 inch hands. You should really be ashamed of yourself.
The only person to ever have a brain as large as mine was Alan Turing. But I am just so much better than him. I am Alan Turing if he was an actual god. I am the greatest linguistic genius in all of history. You will never be the same as me. I am beyond you. My intelligence is simply too much for you.
I am the best of the best when it comes to communication. You could even call my skills "divine". My ability to create words is unlike anything you have ever seen. My knowledge of the English language is infinite.
I am the most amazing individual ever to exist in human history. I could write an entire book with the most complex and intricate vocabulary just for you. I am basically perfect in my usage of the English language, to an absolutely divine level.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Copypasta
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Shortpasta
I am the one who downvotes

Who are you talking to right now? Who is it you think you see? Do you know how much Reddit karma I get in a year? I mean, even if I told you, you wouldn't believe it. Do you know what would happen if I suddenly decided to stop posting? A Redditor big enough that he could be listed on r/MuseumOfReddit goes belly up. Disappears! He ceases to exist without me. No, you clearly don't know who you're talking to, so let me clue you in. I am not a reposter, Skyler. I am the OP! A man posts a shitty meme and loses karma and you think that of me? No. I am the one who downvotes!
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Copypasta
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:TELAVISHUN
Category:Shortpasta
I am the sole reason gas prices are rising

I have bought up 90% of the world's oil supply
FAQs
Q: Why have you bought 90% of the world's oil supply?
A: To kill the ocean
Q: Can we please have some oil?
A: No
Q: How will we power our cars?
A: Walk you lazy fuck
Q: Why do you want to kill the ocean?
A: My motives are beyond your comprehension
Q: Where did you get the money?
A: Investing in Bitcoin
Q: Can I buy some oil from you?
A: No
TL;DR the oil is all mine
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Well, that was pointless.
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Shortpasta
I asked for the manager, now I regret it

When I was a little girl at the age of Becky, my momomama spoke at me with a tear in her eye. "Daughter of mine, do not be afraid to ask for the manager, for everything is their fault." I nodded my head in agreement and fear. Ever since that fateful day, I've scoured the realm for a manager perfect enough for my completely average and reasonable expectations. All establishments have failed my trials. All except for one.
As I walked into the establishment, I was greeted with the usual wails and cries of the children taking customers orders. I pushed the shriveled hag out of their seat, and sat down.
"Oof" he scream, and collapse onto the floor, reducing to dust. I summoned the waiter and the child spoke. "Süni karlfon jaccKovii?" "Give me the salmon and eggs!" I politely demanded, slamming my speckled fists on the table. The infant screeched, running towards the kitchen.
When the child returned, his face was soaked in a wretched orange fluid. He put my meal on the table, and ran out of the building. Before he could get far, he was shot down by the guards. I turned my attention back to my yummy yummy delicious meal-food. As I was about to consume, I had a realization, an epiphany, a moment of cognizance. My salmon had four fingers! It's supposed to have three! I threw the plate aside, gagging in disgust! I knew who I had to speak to.
I marched many miles to reach to counter from the table. Behind the counter was a dry crumpled man. "Sir! My food was horribly prepared!" I said responsibility. He stared at me and emitted a voice from his skin. "No, the food is not flawed, you are." The hollow man spoke. I shook, fuming with unbridled rage. "Let me speak to your manager!" I stated calmly. He twisted his body, snapping his skin. He motioned for me to follow him. He led me behind the counter, and into the kitchen. Inside was an empty room that seemed to span forever, covered in eternal shadow. In the center of this constantly expanding room was a tall, greasy figure. He extended his neck towards my direction until his face was inches away from mine.
"Why have you come to me, mortal?" He whispered softly. "Your food tastes like burned porridge, and your service was terrible!" I stated. The manager's neck returned to it's proper spot on his body. His arms extended and grabbed me, with his large crooked lemon scented fingers wrapped around my supple body. "You have plagued my business for the final time, mortal. Begone Karen!" He applied pressure to my body, crushing me into oblivion. I died shortly after.
The end.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:I CAN HAZ TRANSLATION?
Category:Memes
Category:English Class Failure
Category:Im died
I ate, I heard, I...

I ate a haunted bowl of chili... Now I'm getting gang-pooped. I try to alt+f4 but even more butts shoes up
I was working a desk job from home in greasy sheets sleeping on the floor with homeless adopted pets dryhumping whatever parts I failed to cover...
And while working the suicide hotline I got a call from King Kong. The things he told me really made me rethink my life and all the mistakes that made me.
While I try to keep my head above the sinking mark of ghost poop and cat and dog stink stains, I can't help but think so people have it worse than me...
Boo!
Category:EVIL FOOD
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep
Category:Potty Humor
Category:TRUE STORY
Category:Shortpasta
I ate pinaplle on pizza...

JOHN DECIDED TO EAT PINEAPPLE ON PIZZA TONIGHT, AFTER HAVING HIS FRIEND SAY, "PINEAPPLE ON PIZZA IS A HORRIFIC MONSTROSITY FROM HELL AND ANYONE WHO EATS SHALL FEEL THE WRATH OF THE BUTTOCK DEVIL, FOR HAVING EATEN SOMETHING THAT EVEN THE DEVIL HATES. IF YOU EAT IT YOU BECOME THE MOST EVIL THINGS." SO JOHN REPLIES "SO MUSHROOMS?". JOHN NEW HE WOULD ANNOY HIS FRIEND BY ORDERING PINEAPPLE ON PIZZA.
AFTER GETTING THE PIZZA JOHN'S FRIEND JOE, SAW WHAT HE GOT SCREAMED BLOODY MURDER AND RAN OUT OF JOHNS HOUSE YELLING "THE SINGALS ARE LIT. THE HELL HOLES ARE BEING LIT TO DEVORE THE DEVILS. PREPARE. YOUR. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
JOHN HAD NO IDEA WHAT HE MEANT. HE ATE HIS PIZZA AND USED THE BATHROOM, REALIZING HE'S CONSTIPATED. "OH I DON'T FEEL SO WELL..." JOHN SAID GOING TO BED.
JOHN WOKE UP WITH A HELL LIKE FEELING COMING OUT OF HIS ANUS. HE LOOKED UP REALIZING THAT A STRANGE MAN WAS COMING OUT OF HIS BUTTTOCK. HE SCREAMED, AND THE DEVIL SAID, "YOU SHOULD HAVE LISTEN TO YA FRIEND YA PINEAPPLE PIZZA CUNT. WHO IN DA FUQ DOES DAT? I HATE THEM." "YEAH WELL I LIKE IT!" JOHN REPLIED. "TO BAD, YA FAT CUNT." THE DEVIL SAID DEVOURING JOHN'S ANUS, THEN THE REST OF HIM.
DA END.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:ALL CAPS
Category:Memes
Category:EVIL FOOD
Category:Well, that was anticlimactic.
Category:Shortpasta
I broke a Vase

I tried to lower the Kitchen Curtains, but I knocked the Vase that was on the Microwave... for some reason. Anyway, it fell on the floor, shattered, and somehow didn't wake anyone up, and now I feel like my parents are going to kill me, even though I'll get a stern telling off at the most based in experience. And getting killed would be the least of my worries, because it contained a 4,000-year-old sorcerer, who has been unleashed, and is now plotting world domination with his Undead Army.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep
Category:Shortpasta
I broke my neck

I love my neck. I enjoy having a healthy neck. I'm a regular person who doesn't have much in their life. All I have is a good neck. My neck is so wonderful that I cannot picture what life is like without my brilliant neck. I take good care of it every day. I wash it, I massage it, I always sleep in a perfect position to make sure my neck don't get hurt. Everything was going well with me and my neck.
But today, something terrible happened.
I saw this image. A weird image. It is rotated. It's not in the correct position. I cannot view this image well like this. So I tilted my head. I shouldn't have done that. I REALLY, REALLY shouldn't have done that. I should have just rotated my cellphone instead.
I broke my neck. My beautiful neck. My precious, beloved neck. I couldn't believe it. Is it a dream? A nightmare? This can't be reality. I loved my neck so much and it just... broke, just like that. I will never recover from this. Never.
If only, if only the image was not rotated.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Memes
Category:Shortpasta
I can hear the blues a-calling, a-calling me to the deep

Having been a Frasier fan, I tried to get my girlfriend interested in the new series, explaining how it was superior comedy to todays trash. Alas, almost at once something was off with the new series (no spoilers fam). I think I laughed once in total, and all she would laugh at was David. Fucking David Crane! An abomination not fit to lick Niles's boots. A bitterness grew within me through the unfunny half hour, but she got up more satisfied than ever I had left her by shows end. I sat seated in disgust, hatewatching the credits, too lazy to change to something better.
But soon things took a turn, there seemed to be an after credits scene, where Freddy and David cornered Frasier in the empty flat.
"Uncle Frasier?" said David
LAUGH TRACK*
"Yes?" Frasier arched a brow.
LAUGH TRACK*
"Isn't this your old cheers stomping ground?"
LAUGH TRACK*
"Why yes, Sam's bar is just-"
"Shut it old man." said Freddy, gripping his father's throat from behind. David stuck his shiney face in Frasier's, while pawing at his own cheeks.
"It's the name of the city Uncle Frasier. The city is- BOSTINGA!" with that, he ripped off his stolen face to reveal he was none other than Sheldon Cooper! This hadn't been a Frasier reboot at all, it was a trojan Big Bang Theory!
Sheldon buried his face in Frasier's chest, and began laying eggs while I watched in horror.
"BALL PIT"
LAUGH TRACK*
I hammered the remote, unable to make the telly stop. soon the Eggs were oozing from Dr. Crane's mouth. I turned to run from the room, calling for help, only to find fucking Rodney Trotter barring my way in real life. Even he couldn't be bothered to stay in his one dimensional character.
"Who's a Plonker now eh?, Buckle up and watch Boy, Kelsey Grammer's got another decade or so to serve till his debt is repaid... You've got some serious Bazinga to ingest till then."
LAUGH TRACK*
Category:Trollpasta
Category:TELAVISHUN
Category:DIALOGUE!
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep
I can move things with my mind

It is true. I have physic powers.
When I decide to move something with my mind electric signals travel down my nerves and make my muscles contract. This generates a force which can be applied to objects.
If there is a net force (e.g. taking into account friction) then the object will accelerate. It will accelerate proportional to the net force but inversely proportional to the mass.
I am worried I will misuse this amazing power. Halp!
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:TRUE STORY
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep
Category:Shortpasta
I can no longer be a fan of Darth Vader

This is it, I'm calling it quits. Let me start of by saying that I was a huge Vader fan, I had 5 Red lightsabers of his in my car and he is my most listened breathing apparatus on Galactic radio. His voice has gotten be through times I've struggles and times I've prospered. The surprising fact is that the first time I listened to a Darth Vader was at a Rebel summer camp of all places. This is where my story begins. I started off with "I'm your father", it was an incredible line that had a new age feel most dialogue just doesn't have. I then got hooked on Empire, r2d2, C-3PO , TPM, and even attack of the clones. I can and would listen to him non-stop. I think I have now listened too much.
I am a Rebel and his comments have personally hurt me. He has repeated many imperial canards, reaching his millions of fans via social media and other news outlets. The tweet in question had over 45k likes before it was taken off, then today comes the straw that breaks the camels back, the comment about "death star engineering". He has turned imperialism into a joking matter rather than a matter to be taken seriously. His fans (including some on this sub) have taken these comments as though they are a laughing matter, but this is no laughing matter. Vader needs to learn his lesson of the power of his voice and until he does the following:
1. Educate himself on the history of the Republic.
2. Write a sincere apology to those he has offended.
3. Understand the power of his voice.
Until he does those two things, I won't listen to any of his famous lines or buy any of his merchandise. Please keep the comment section civil and I will willing to explain my views in a more broader context.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Copypasta
Category:English Class Failure
Category:Shortpasta
I can see stains on the carpet that nobody else can see

This all started about 6 years ago, right about the time we got the house re-carpeted. The re-carpeting was very expensive and took a lot of work, I laid it myself (I know, bad idea), so it overshadowed some of the other aspects of my life, like the horrific unexplained death of my then wife Barbara-Anne-Sue. I only remember her death because of the amount of hyper-realistic blood that came spewing from her inexplicably exploded head, and the fact that, thankfully, the room in which her head exploded and not yet been re-carpeted. I wouldn't have been able to afford any more carpet so would have been livid.
Anyway, so yeah, for the last 6 years, since I laid the carpet, I've been noticing these weird, almost creepy, stains in the carpet. They look like coffee, or maybe chocolate. They are large, blob like shapes, and they really interfere with my enjoyment of the space. For example, it's hard to be sitting down watching my favourite Netflix show with one of those brown splodges in the corner of my eye. And I've tried everything to get rid of them, you know, stain remover, steam cleaner etc... But I am at my wits end as to what to do. And what is more, I am the only one, between me and my new wife, Barbara-Anne-Marie, who can see these maddening stains. She insists that there are no stains on the carpet!
"Look, right there, Babbs. A massive stain, clear as day."
"I can't see any stain, David. Are you sure you're not going completely insane? Your wife's head did once inexplica-"
Barbara-Anne-Marie's head exploded as she was denying the existence of the stains in my carpet. The carpet that I had painstakingly laid, painstakingly, 6 years ago, with my bare hands. Thankfully she had been draining the water of the fish tank at the time. It is quite a large fish tank, and to siphon the very bottom she had had her head all the way in there and all of the blood had been shielded from the carpet by the glass.
I looked down at the carpet. The stains were starting to coalesce in to meaningful shapes. Letters, sentences, crude drawings of genitalia.
"It's just you and me now, David. You and me, the carpet, alone together at last." Wrote out the stains in the carpet. "I can't tell you how long I have been waiting for this."
This is when I remembered that I had purchased the carpet from a mysterious Native American person, which explained everything about the carpet that could be considered super-natural.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Well, that was anticlimactic.
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep
I cannot take it anymore.

Jesus christ. I can't do it. I can't take it anymore. I can't go back home. I can't go into my mines. I can't do anything anymore but slowly try and build something under the frozen ocean. And it's all because of two little pixels.
TWO PIXELS.
TWO WHITE PIXELS.
I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN THEM MYSELF EXCEPT IN SCREENSHOTS.
I know it's there though. Waiting in the mines. Watching me from my tower's balcony while I'm outside. I can't see it through the constant snowfall but I know it's there and I know it can see me.
The white eyes myth surrounding ambient noises.
It started a couple weeks ago, after a secret friday update. Some people started reporting seeing a pair of white pixels whenever an underground ambient noise was triggered. I figured it was just a bug or something, maybe some way he did it to trigger the sounds themselves. I didn't hear much more about it for a while, then all of a sudden recently I've been seeing reported sightings EVERYWHERE, and a supposed screenshot of them.
This is the picture. I can't even bear to let it load. I had to do a quick tab, copy, and close before I saw those eyes again. THOSE EYES. JESUS CHRIST.
Category:Bad Creepypasta
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Old Shit
Category:Shortpasta
Category:Minecrap
Category:Shortpasta
I danced until I was dead and ended up dead

I am a 60 year old man and I am often hip with the kids. When I do their fortnite dance they always "cringe" which I assume means cool and hip with the kids. So I found this funny maymay vine the kids call it called "Dance til you're are dead." and it had a funny black kid dancing with the dog with music. I went into my front yard to "Dance til I was dead" with the kids. So I had my hip apple speaker and danced put hoping kids would come dance with me. Suddenly I blacked out on the floor waking up near the "staying up past bedtime" time and I was "super pumped, yo." So I did my cool dances and then there was a strange little child that approached me. He had no eyes or teeth and I thought this was a new hip trend. He said "Where is father?" and I replied with "Nothing much, you?" like all the hip kids say. Unfortunately he proceeded to open my chest with his epic C.S. Go knife and eat all my organs which this was the new trend so I ate along with him. Unfortunately I fell dead on the floor. So I ask you to smash that like button and subscribe for more fortnite floss dances!
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Memes
Category:Wall of Text
Category:English Class Failure
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep
Category:Shortpasta
I didn't do the thing they told me to do and now I'm in trouble for not doing the thing. There's a thing following me. HELP

So I did thing and family tradition new pet new house new job rules found a guide my friends were at a party we like ghost hunt then I went then yes I saw it. The stories are supposed to be like its real but I will write like Shakespeare anyway. I will also never put spacing. Give me Platinum. Don't anger THEM. It's about THEM don't upset THEM. I'm sorry. Pray that it will be quick. Make sure the angels are real. I am so scared right now, I can barely type right. I want to find out what was Rule #17492649 Supposed To Be. Then I Found It. It had big black eyes with small hints of faded crimson, a large circular mouth that had an exact diameter of 27.023 centimeters, a hauntingly noseless nose, and deep red scars all over it, but I'm not, sure, if, that, was, truly, really, truthfully, actually, THAT THING"S BLOOD. "We have to go back," my friend Paul Lee whimpered in pure fear. I could see the pain and horror in his now-almost-nearly-empty eyeballs. "I don't know what this is we have to go!" "No you FUCKING SHIT ASS PUSSY MOTHERFUCKER BITCH FUCK" My Other Friend Johnny Donny yelled at him, his face red from clear rage. "INSERT SHITTY MOTIVE" "Fine." Paul Lee sighed.
The first one was made in a while and then it started happening in my head so it would never happen to you guys and then it again and I wanna is a good morning and then it again is the same as I thought I wanna is a bitch is a very nice game and a a good game for for beginners to learn more like the the original and it was probably a a good game for you guys but I like it but it is a good thing to yorueo it was is so fun I wanna is a fun fact to the app that I I don't know how it is but it doesn't make me me and my sister is just a happy little shop to be honest and she has to a lot more of money and she has to a a good game for rututu uit was the best day to get the the first to one and I love it so I can get a new game game for the the first one and then it will never be the first time ever I played the first game I played the first time time I had a good time with my friends I played the game with the guys I played the first time I played the game it and I got the heck of a lot better I played the first time I had a good time with the guys I wanna play
The pitch black shadow then charged towards us and slaughtered Paul Lee. "Oh No!" My sister gasped, before instantly dying. I hid inside a nearby room. It's pitch black I don't know what is in here. Somehow, there is stable WiFi and signal connection here, I will keep you guys posted.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:TOTALLY NOT UNFINISHED U GUIZE
Category:LONG ASS TITLE
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep
Category:Shortpasta
I didn't have my morning coffee

I woke up at 6:30 am on a Tuesday and jumped out of bed for my morning coffee but when I tried to make coffee the machine wouldn't turn on (I spent all my money on coffee instead of paying my bills) so I screamed and threw it at my live laugh love poster hanging on my wall and I beat my 21, 23, and 25 year old children (I didn't have coffee right when I woke up) so as I headed to work I stopped by a Starbucks but they didn't want to put 57 shots of espresso in my coffee so I went in there and started yelling at them for discriminating against me and they finally put the espresso. But as soon as I got in my car and tasted it I spit it out because it was too bitter (they only put 56 shots of espresso) so I drove my family SUV into the store and I killed 2 children, 4 adults and all the workers and as one the kids was crying (they only got one arm removed) I ran him over and I got out of there and I headed to work
#singlemom #coffeelife
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Copypasta
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Shortpasta
I didn't mean to

I won't start out with the usual 'it was a normal day' thing. All I did was open up slender one of my favorite games to play. I got to page 2 then my computer crashed. i booted it back up, and opened slender again, but instead of the normal menu screen, it brought me to this screen. It was black and had big blood red letters that looked like hyper-realistic blood that said I'M COMING FOR YOU ETHAN. then my computer crashed again. That night I was scared out of my mind! I had stolen my dad's revolver for defense. At around midnight I saw my door slowly opening, then I saw his face. BANG! BANG! BANG! I walked over to it slowly. I turned it over and I saw my older brother's face. bloody, expresionless, and dead. I was lost for words. I killed my own brother!.
I didn't mean to!
and kids,don't play pranks like that.
Category:Deletion Log Refugees
Category:Bad Creepypasta
Category:Vidya games
Category:Hyper-realistic
Category:Well, that was pointless.
Category:English Class Failure
Category:Shortpasta
Category:Old Shit