Flushing

Obligatory "this didn't actually happen today", rather 2 days ago (but i am still dealing with the consequences)
6 years ago, i (20M) was a dumb kid checking out the back alleys of our city, and i often did low-tier drugs. One time, during a bad trip, i was particularly adventurous, and decided to try to get a cheap mechanical blowjob from my vacuum cleaner. It caused serious injury and tissue tearing (i felt absolutely no pain), to the point they had to amputate my dick and balls.
The doctors tried everything they could to salvage it, but alas, my beautiful sword and spheres were gone. Luckily for me though, my doc recommended i get an artificial dick and pair of balls, which surprisingly could fill up with liquid and become hard. Without it, whenever i'd go to piss it would splash everywhere and on everything.
I went clean and got a beautiful wife afterwards. It's annoying to clean up every time i use the artificial dick, but the benefits are a lot better than the losses. You don't want to be dickless with a wife, trust me, the jokes are ENDLESS...
It worked well for many years, but three days ago, i had to go to the toilet real bad, and i was left with no choice but to use our work's dreaded toilet stalls. Not only did everything reek, but i was in a bit of a hurry because we had a presentation coming up, and i was an important participant in it.
I went to a stall, pulled down my pants and unsheathed the sword, and as i finished, i reached to flush the toilet with one hand while tucking my cyber-dick with the other. I must have messed up the roles of each hand, because i pulled my dick hard while trying to reach the flush button and ripped the attachments off.
It hurt a LOT, so i dropped it by instinct and pressed down hard on the flush button with the other 4 braincells on the left side of my head, and to my absolute horror i saw it vanish into the depths of the toilet. Even worse, urine water was filling up and spilling everywhere, and the forceful removal of my penis was sharply painful and bloody, so i recoiled into the stall door, kicking it open and breaking the flimsy cheap slide lock on it. My coworkers must've heard, because i suddenly found myself with an audience of 2 people witnessing a man with blood all over his crotch, hands, stall, and yellow water flooding from the urinal.
I embarrassingly cleaned up while my understanding (but very surprised) coworkers went to fetch a plumber and covered for me in the presentation. Unfortunately, my cock and balls were destroyed and ripped apart in the process of retrieving them from the clogged pipes, so in the end i had to throw them away. Atleast these prosthetics are cheaper to get nowadays!
Unfortunately though, since my coworker friends found out my manly parts are not so real, the dick-less and ball-less jokes kept coming in after the wave of awkwardness was over. Worse, the incident had to be reported to our boss as part of statistics, and he sent me a bill for destruction of company property. Pretty annoying....
TL;DR: Accidentally flushed my dick and balls down the toilet at work. Clogged it and got caught with bloody hands and piss water all over the floor. Now it's the funniest accident in the office, shared between the boys. I can't escape the jokes about my cyber-dick and cyber-balls no matter if i'm at work or at home. Help
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Copypasta
Category:English Class Failure
Category:SMOKE WEED ERRYDAY
Category:Shortpasta