2007

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It is rumored that 2007 (pronounced: Sweet 7 - really!) was happening not that long ago.
These assumptions are currently regarded as completely ridiculous by society at large, but the matter is nevertheless being looked into by scientists, desperately trying to prove that the following events will never happen.
This is all a lie. 2007 is happening right now. The truth is dome scientists think 2007 is overlapping with 2006, 2008, and somehow even years as remote as 1000 and 3000. This is still being looked into as scientists have absolutely nothing else to do except find out if specific years overlap for some reason.
For some cultists however, 2007 is the year of Linux on the desktop and nothing else.
== January ==
* Mayor takes advice of Jefferson Star-ship and builds Shanghai on top of Rock and Roll. City sinks.
* The world was scheduled to explode, but plans were scrapped after the Saddam Hussein execution.
* Britney Spears kicks off the New Year by falling asleep at a party. My next door neighbor fell asleep at our party, too, but he didn't make any headlines. Go figure.
* UnNews contributors realize that they have still been dating newarticles with 2006 as the year. This made the articles funnier than they would have been otherwise.
* Japanese stuff is added to The Official List of the Best Things in Existence.
* Rob Zombie announced that the late Roddy McDowall would be playing the role of Dr. Loomis in Halloween.
* Democrats take over the world!
* Rob Zombie announces William Shatner for the role of Michael Myers in Halloween.
* Windows Vista is being released with heavy use of DRM in it. Bill Gates is planning to use Vista's DRM to take over the world and make everyone his slaves to build a giant ray gun to destroy Planet Google.
* Grueslayer is released by Unfocom.
* Robert Plant, Jimmy Page, John Paul Jones, and Jason Bonham announce that Led Zeppelin is reuniting.
* Rob Zombie announces Michelle Trachtenberg for the role of Laurie Strode in Halloween. The film immediately begins filming for an August release.
* Van Halen officially announces their reunion tour with David Lee Roth. No really. David Lee Roth quit after only one show when the other band members wanted to play the song "Jump". He was replaced, once again, with Sammy Hagar
* Quebec builds the 'Great Wall of Quebec' surrounding the entire province and cutting it off from the rest of Canada.
== February ==
* Punxsutawney Phil goes on a rampage on Groundhog Day.
* Smurfette, of The Smurfs fame, dies of an apparent overdose of prescription drugs amid the birth of her daughter, drug-overdose death of her son, inheritance cases, and paternity cases. She was 39, and she strangely lacked her natural blue skin color.
* Rock group The Police reunites to not only perform at the Grammys but also to arrest any crappy "artists" from "winning" any awards. The Sting-led 1980s group, best known for "Roxanne" and "Every Breath You Take," is especially on the lookout for Kevin Federline.
* Britney Spears enters rehab, leaves rehab, shaves her head bald, re-enters rehab, leaves rehab, attacks a paparazzo with an umbrella, re-re-enters rehab, and stays in rehab.
== March ==
* Axl Rose and Guns N' Roses finally release their long-delayed album, Chinese Democracy. Nobody cares. Album is set for 2013 release. (Or never, depends on his prepubesent-girl mood)
* Nickelodeon's Rewind Collection will be back up and running, releasing more and more classic Nickelodeon shows from before SpongeBob SquarePants captured Kenan and Kel and made the world forget about 1990s Nickelodeon. The next five releases are: The Adventures of Pete & Pete -- Season 3, Clarissa Explains It All -- Season 2, You Can't Do That on Television, Salute Your Shorts -- Season 1, and All That -- Season 1.
== April ==
* Bigfoot is captured by Britney Spears, Colin Mochrie, and Josh Server. Ha! Ha! April Fools!
* Former one-hit wonders Iron Butterfly score a number 1 pop hit with their cover of no-hit wonder Kevin Federline's "Popozao." Kevin Federline's cover of Iron Butterfly's cover fails to chart two weeks later.
* Fox News actually reports true stories for a change.
* Namco Wee is released getting a good reception with total sales peaking 1 by the end of the first month.
== May ==
* Iron Butterfly scores yet another hit with "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida: The Jay-Z Remix," which is yet another number 1 hit in the United States.
* I Love Lucy starring Jennifer Lopez and Brad Pitt opens in theaters and flops miserably.
* Terrorist kill 3485.78 people in a school shooting at Virginia Tech.
* A man claims that sometime after next week, the world will explode.
* Nobody cares about the man and what he says.
* Google launches Giant space mirror to quote "Reflect sunlight to earth's darkside, keeping people up at night so they use Google more, and also to imprison Bill Gates in 2-D parallel universe" The mirror, which needed minor repairs, is rumored to have cost $5 on eBay from a seller named "dr.werstrom"
== June ==
* President Alice Cooper declares that "Schooooooool's... Out... For... Ever!"
* Plutonians from Pluto declare war on Earth for making Pluto not a planet.
* Tim Henman is knocked out of Wimbledon in the quarter-finals by an 11 year old Russian girl.
* Andrei Bolocan understands he can never get a page at www.uncyclopedia.or
* Gordon Brown claims the excellent performance of the UK economy is due to the non-existence of the moon.
* The South separates from the North, declaring Civil War 2
* Top scientists come close to understanding women but then decide to build time machine instead.
* Canada slowly fills the 'Great Wall of Quebec' with water.
== July ==
* Kenan and Kel blow everybody out of the water when Good Burger 2 becomes the highest-grossing movie of the year.
* The Simpsons Movie gets pulled from theaters after the first 3 showings in the US because it was too stupid and unfunny for human consumption.
* George W. Bush takes Viagra and masturbates. Then his erection wont go away.
* Cho Seung-Hui returns from Hell and declares himself my brother.
* July 17 becomes the last day before July 18.
* Buddha spotted by Hubble Telescope.
* Sanjayah Nobody almost won American Idol
== August ==
* Rob Zombie's Halloween is released and becomes the greatest movie ever made since Francis Ford Coppola's Good Burger.
* Someone merely walks into Mordor
* Al Gore laughs and points at the entire world as temperatures hit 120 degrees on the east coast of the United States...and that's Celsius.
* The Temptations hold a reunion concert in Central Park, with eight random black guys standing in for all eight dead Temptations.
== September ==
* Phil Hendrie died of stomach cancer at age 55 and Pop 'N' Fresh dies of Yeast diease at 42 in Hollywood CA.
* Parents and teachers fret over what to do with their children now that school is abolished. They consider
* home-schooling
* letting their kids be lazy
* cryogenically freezing their children between the hours of 8 A.M. and 3 P.M.
* making their children watch Barney reruns.
before settling on absolutely nothing except for who decides to masturbate their life away. Dumb ass.
* All calendars in the world are edited to include a new month, Frankleberry between November and December
* Oscar Wilde and Chuck Norris, were officially declared not funny, and the people of earth finally went on with their lives.
== October ==
* Billie Joe Armstrong is woken up now that September has ended.
* Van Halen reschedule their 2007 tour with David Lee Roth... ?
* Germany votes to have the question mark abolished to Andromeda at worlds first October Fest and Government Election.
* Michael Jackson gives out free candy, but only if you go inside his house and have some cookies and milk first.
* Borat attends a meeting with Satan
* To avoid a partial government shutdown Michigan lawmakers decide at the last minute to balance the budget by selling Jenifer Granholm to scientists as a test subject for Expeirimental brain transplant surgrey.
* The best fucking party EVER happens. OctoberFest, y'all. If you didn't go, you are a faggot.
* Kelvin kept coming onto men.
* Soulja Boy starts selling his propaganda with his dance.
== Joevember ==
* Doub-O sighting is recorded to happen somewhere in the world. The search for our missing comrad continues unsuccessfully.
* Scientists have developed an elaborate method to find Joe.
== November ==
* Michael Myers realizes that he fell asleep on Halloween and didn't go on a murderous rampage.
* George W. Bush's erection finally stops. This would be the 1st longest erection in the world if Billy didn't last 4 days longer.
* Britney Spears releases her fifth studio album, Chinese Democracy. Sorry, Axl!
* Oscar Wilde is immediately declared 'hilarious' again after scientists discover he was declared 'unfunny'. The issue of Chuck Norris is still under debate.
* I graduated from school.
* Shares of Google stock become worth more than Bill Gates
* Brovember (The Second Coming of the profit Brohammed)
== Frankleberry ==
* children everywhere despair at having to wait another month for santa to come
* a scientist wonders where the extra thirty days of the year come from
* Kathy Griffin once again has to use a tree as a tampon. (Her vagina is huge.)
* Owls everywhere are confused by the new month and most suffer extreme cases of dementia as a result.
* A few people start to think that Chuck Norris is funny again, however some scientists begin to wonder if these people have developed skitsafrania.
* Jesus walks into a small Church and demands that 100 glasses of Chocolate milk are made in his honor. He was later discovered to be 8 uber midgets in a costume.
* President Alice Cooper declares Frankleberry "Not a real month" Children are overjoyed at not having to wait an extra month for Christmas to come.
* President Alice Cooper is assassinated by a stupid baby who was born in the month of frankleberry and didn't want to lose its' birthday.
* doctors finally manage to surgically remove Hillary Clinton's head from her ass only to discover that its actually a second vagina
* The baby that killed Ex-President Alice Cooper was put to death in Texas.
== December ==
* Nirvana reunites with Elton John on vocals and piano.
* The Beatles reunite: Yoko Ono, Paul McCartney, Eric Clapton, Ringo Starr, Pete Best, and Pocahontas.
* Santa Claus retires before the big Christmas season and everyone is mysteriously declared naughty.
* December 31 marks the 2007th year since the death of Christ in which the final judgement of creation failed to come about.
* December 31 also marks the 1st year to have spontaneously grown an extra 30 days, then shrunk back the 30 days it once had and then grew the 30 days back again
* Numerous calender manufacturers commit suicide
* On December 32, at 0:07 pm, James Bond has been killed by Pikachu. Yes, it's possible !!
* Slash appeared on the Ellen show. YA SRYSLY.
* Evil!!! Evil!!! Evil is here!!!
* 2007 unfortunately suffers complications whilst giving birth to 2008,and it is decided by vets to have it humanely put to sleep.
== 2007 in movies ==
2007 was a great good okay bad year for movies. (There were only 2007 good movies in 2007.)
The 8 worst movies of 2007 in no particular order and why they suck are:
* 1. I Know Who Killed Me - Lindsay Lohan dies and we're supposed to care who did it. Is it a comedy?
I am soooo high right now .
* 2. I Now Pronounce You Chuck And Larry - Adam Sandler marries a fat guy from a sitcom. Something about movies that start with I (k)now sucked this year for some reason. It's probably an outcome of the Poltergeist curse.
* 3. Hostel Part II - Because a worthless horror sequel is only good if they spell it with roman numerals AND say part in the title.
* 4. Epic Movie = Epic Fail. The writer/director duo makes another movie that makes people want to kill themselves. It's like the 2007 version of The Happening. (Another shitty movie.)
* 5. Ghost Rider - Do I really need to explain?
* 6. Blood And Chocolate—You'd think by the title that this movie would be about homicidal Hershey bar or a girl on her period, but no, it's a shitty movie about werewolves. Werewolves. And did I mention it sucks? It does. The worst movie of 2007 easily.
* 7. Who's Your Caddy? - Step 1: Take Caddyshack. Step 2: Remove white people. Step 3: Remove jokes. Step 4: Insert black people.
* 8. Bratz The Movie - Stupid spoiled whores, are well, stupid spoiled whores. The worst kids movie of 2007.
* 9. Halloween (2007) - First half: Bad. Second half: Worse.
* 10. Code Name: The Cleaner - More like Code Name: Shitty Movie. One of the first movies released in 2007, and it sucks. Way to start the year 2007!
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Category:2000s