Read and Flumberghast/Transcript

Arthur looks at the new fridge that came.
Arthur Read: It's so roomy! You can control the temperature on each drawer. And best of all, instant ice!
Arthur takes some instant ice in his water.
Arthur: I think this is the best refrigerator we've ever had!
D.W. Read: Forget the refrigerator. Check out this!
Arthur: It's a box. Big deal.
D.W.: (sighs) That's the difference between you and me, Arthur. You see a box, I see an elevator.
The box turns into an elevator. It shoots up into the sky.
D.W.: Or it could be a mobile home for birds!
Some birds sit on the box and carry it away. They drop it in the water.
D.W.: Or it could be a motor boat!
The box turns into a boat.
D.W.: Or a submarine!
The box goes underwater.
D.W.: Or a hotel for lobsters, or a unicorn temple, or a...
Arthur: You know what, D.W.? You're right. It isn't just a box. It's a big mess waiting to happen.
D.W.: ...or a library of big books, or a tap studio...
D.W. runs to Arthur.
Muffy reads the title: Read and Flumberghast (spelled Read and Flumbergast)
Dad and Arthur help D.W. make the box.
Arthur: O-F...
Arthur is seen helping D.W. move the box to a position.
D.W.: A little to the left. Now to the right. Stop! Perfect! My very own office. I can't wait to get to work.
Arthur: What kind of work do you do?
D.W.: Arthur, I'm too busy to explain everything to you now. If you want to know more, make an appointment.
D.W. is now talking with Nadine about the first day of work.
D.W.: Okay, Nadine, we've got a lot to get done! So let's get to it. I need ten copies of this. Staple them and file them.
Nadine: Done!
The phone rings.
D.W.: Could you answer that, please?
Nadine: Good morning, D.W.'s office. It's the tooth fairy.
D.W.: Uhh, tell her nothing's wiggly. Call back in a few months.
Nadine: Sorry, Patricia, no teeth right now. But we appreciate your business.
D.W.: (sighs) I guess it's time to write the checks. Check, check, check, check. And here's a check for you!
Nadine: Can I have a raise?
D.W.: You just got here!
Nadine: And I've been working non-stop!
D.W.: Fine, fine. Here's a raise.
Nadine: Thank you! I love my job.
D.W.: Well, we love having you.
Nadine: What now?
D.W.: Juice break?
Nadine makes juice for D.W. and herself.
D.W. and Nadine: Ah.
Bud and Arthur come to her office.
D.W.: (snoring)
Arthur: D.W.!
D.W.: Aah!
Arthur: You've got company!
D.W.: Do you have an appointment?
Bud Compson: No, I just came by to borrow some fingerpaint.
D.W.: Let me check with my partner. Uh-huh. Yeah. Okay. Sorry, we're all out.
Bud: Who's your partner?
D.W.: Nadine. She's what you call a silent partner. Anyway, welcome to Read and...
D.W. looks at Nadine.
D.W.: ...Flumberghast! Funny. I never knew that was her last name. Is there anything else we can do for you?
Bud: You can get my cupcake back from that snack robber Tommy Tibble. Remember the other day when it was Emily's birthday?
Flashback to Emily's birthday party. She blows out the candles.
Bud (narrating): I was excited because no one had taken the one with red icing, and I love red icing.
Tommy gasps.
Bud (narrating): Even though it tastes just like any other icing. And then Timmy asked me to hold his juice and I put my cupcake down. When I went to pick it up again, it was gone! Tommy had red icing on his mouth. It may have been the worst day of my entire life.
End of flashback.
D.W.: (puts her hand on Bud's shoulder) Don't worry, Bud. I may not be able to get you that cupcake back, but I'll at least get you an apology. Come with me.
D.W. and Bud walk to the Tibbles' house.
D.W.: You owe Bud one cupcake!
Bud: With red icing!
Tommy: No way! I didn't take his cupcake. He probably fed to his silly dinosaur. Anyway, what do you care?
Timmy walks next to Tommy.
Bud: She cares 'cause she's my lawyer.
D.W.: I am? I mean, I am. And I demand justice!
Timmy: Oh, yeah? Well, I'm Tommy's lawyer and I say, "Prove it."
D.W.: I will.
Timmy: I can't wait.
D.W. and Bud walk away.
D.W.: What's a lawyer?
Bud: I'm not sure. I saw it on TV, back when we had TV. Ladonna will tell us.
At the Compson's house, Ladonna is explaining a comic she is reading.
Ladonna: And Habeas - he's the lead dog of the law firm - says, "Then how do you explain this yellow feather, Fat Cat?"
Ladonna: It's called Habeas Canine: Legal Beagle, and it's a great read. There's a new case in each one and Habeas always wins. Except for book ten, but that's a two-parter.
Ladonna: You want to borrow book one, Habeas v. Fat Cat?
D.W.: Uh, I can't read.
Bud: We just want to know what lawyers do.
Ladonna: Well, it depends on what kind of lawyer it is. The Legal Beagles defend clients in front of a jury and a judge.
Ladonna: Winning the case means that one side convinces the other that what they said happened, actually happened. Then the judge decides on the punishment, if there is one.
D.W.: Sounds easy enough. Let's take those Tibbles to court!
Bud: Yeah! We'll get two cupcakes back - one for you, and one for me.
D.W.: And Nadine. Don't forget the silent partner.
Bud: Oh, yeah. Sorry.
Cut to Arthur brushing his teeth in the Read's house bathroom.
Arthur: (spits out his toothpaste) No!
D.W.: But it's for a good cause. Justice must be served.
Arthur: Fine, but why do my friends and I have to serve it in our backyard on a Saturday?
D.W.: Because you and your friends are so smart, and fair, and wise.
Arthur: Still no.
Arthur closes his door.
D.W.: If you could've seen Bud today... He was a wreck. He's new here, hardly knows a soul, and then... this happens.
D.W.: It's not right, Arthur. What if it happened to you? You'd feel so... so alone! (sobs)
Arthur: (opens his door) Okay, okay. We'll be your judge and jury.
Arthur: (closes and opens his door again) But only for two hours. And there better be lunch. (closes door)
D.W. smirks and Nadine appears.
D.W.: How was I?
Nadine: Amazing! You had me crying, too. (blows nose)
D.W.: Miss Flumberghast, I think we got this case in the bag.
Scene cuts to the Tibble's House. Binky knocks on the door, and the Tibbles open it.
Binky Barnes: (reading off a letter) You are hereby summoned to appear before the Honorable Judge Buster Baxter in Arthur's yard, this coming Saturday, to defend yourself in the case of Compson v. Tibble. (he hands the letter over to the Tibbles) Lunch will be served.
Timmy: (puts his hand on Tommy's shoulder) Relax, Tommy. There's no proof. Just do exactly what I say. We're going to mop the floor with those two.
In Arthur's yard, Buster is seen wearing a robe sitting in front of a table.
Buster Baxter: First off, I'd like to say that, "You're all guilty!" (Buster pounds a toy hammer on the table. It squeaks.)
Arthur: Buster, we haven't even started yet!
Buster: Oh, okay. Proceed!
D.W.: Today, I will prove to you that this poor little boy had his cupcake stolen by Tommy Tibble! It was mean, and greedy, and justice must be served.
Timmy: And I will show you that Tommy did not steal that cupcake. In fact, he doesn't like cupcakes. He doesn't even know what a cupcake is!
Tommy: It's a muffin, right?
Jury: (overlapping conversation) He doesn't know... Amazing!
Buster: (pounding his toy hammer) Order! Order!
D.W.: (whispers to Bud) Don't worry, I've got a star witness who knows for a fact that he's lying!
A toy hammer wipes across the screen; the scene transitions to Bud in the stand.
Bud: Then I saw him lick the icing from his mouth. It may have been the worst day of my entire life!
D.W. gives Bud a handkerchif. Bud blows his nose into it. Timmy then questions Bud.
Timmy: Who are you really, Bud Compson?!
Bud: Huh?
Timmy: What is "Bud" short for?
Bud: Uh, I'm not sure.
Timmy: Ladies and gentlemen, he doesn't even know who he is!
Bud: Yes, I do - I'm me!
Timmy: How many cupcakes were on that tray, and what time exactly do you claim your's was "stolen"?
Bud: Uh, I don't remember.
Timmy: I'm done with this witness.
Bud leaves the stand.
D.W.: I'd like to call on Nadine Flumberghast.
Tommy gasps.
Timmy: I object! She's imaginary!
D.W.: But she heard directly from Uncle Wormy, Tommy's imaginary friend, that he confessed to taking the cupcake.
Buster: Young lady, the only imaginary friends allowed in this court are my imaginary friends! (he turns to one of his imaginary friends) You're welcome, Xenon. (faces everyone again) We will now take a long break for lunch! (pounds his toy hammer)
D.W. and Bud turn to each other.
Bud: What now?
D.W.: I don't know. She was my star witness. Let me think. There's one more thing we can try, but it's a long shot.
The scene fades to Buster tapping his fingers on the table.
Buster: Well, Mr. Compson? Where's your lawyer? We don't have all day.
Bud: She had to run an errand with her daddy, Your Honor. But I'd like to call Tommy Tibble to the stand.
Tommy takes the stand.
Tommy: Well, what do you want to know?
Bud: Oh, just... this!
Bud uses his power stare on Tommy.
Bud: Admit it!
Tommy: (shaking from Bud staring at him) Uh... I... I ate...
Tommy puts on sunglasses and breathes rapidly. Bud stops staring at him.
D.W.: Hey everyone! Who wants dessert?
D.W. and Mr. Read have two boxes of cupcakes. They let each person have one. Bud gets one with red icing.
D.W.: One for you, and you, and y... (she is about to hand Tommy a cupcake with red icing) Oh, wait, that's right. You don't like cupcakes. Well, I'll just set it right down here anyway. (she sets down the cupcake in front of Tommy, then gasps) Is that a bald eagle?!
Jury: Huh? Seriously?! Where?!
Tommy stares at the cupcake in front of him. D.W. turns back in his direction, and smiles.
D.W.: Sorry, my mistake. It was just a cloud. Now let's get back to the trial.
D.W. approaches Tommy, who is sitting in the stand with his mouth full of something.
D.W.: So, Tommy, you say you don't like cupcakes. Is that right?
Tommy mumbles because his mouth is full of something, while shaking his head to indicate "no".
D.W.: I can't hear you. Could you please speak up?
Tommy continues to mumble.
Buster: The court commands you not to mumble!
Tommy spits out red cupcake he had in his mouth. Thr jury reacts with disgust.
Ladonna: Sweet petunia!
Tommy: I did it! I ate it! I ate Bud's, too! It's the red icing! I can't resist it! I don't know why! (sobs)
D.W. walks towards Bud, who is standing in the middle of the yard.
Bud: Thank you, D.W. Those cupcakes you brought out were delicious. But justice tastes even sweeter.
D.W. and Bud shake hands with each other. The scene then cuts to D.W.'s office box taken out for recycling.
Nadine: Well, there goes our office.
D.W.: Yep, shut down because of recycling day.
Nadine: Will you miss it?
D.W.: Are you kidding? It was so stressful! I'm happy to wait another 20 years before I go back to one.
The end.
Category:Transcripts
Category:Season 16 transcripts
Category:A to Z