My Immortal Remake

The next day, I woke up in my bedroom. I looked out the window, and the sky was gray again. I got dressed, and read a gothic book to pass the time. At about 8:30, my best friend, Willow, woke up and smiled at me. She got dressed, too, and we both got up out of bed to start the day.
"I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday," Willow snickered slyly, as we walked out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.
"Yeah? So?" I pouted, blushing and turning away.
"Do you like him?" she asked.
"No I so freaking don't!" I spat.
"Yes you do," mocked Willow, "you like Draco! You like Draco!"
I was about to protest when I bumped into something like I had yesterday. Once again, it was Draco, who was looking even more angrier than before. 
"Why do you keep doing that, you stupid girl?" he spat.
"I-I'm sorry," I said, nervous. I had to figure a way out of this.
"Umm, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade," I said, thinking of anything.
"So?" he spat.
Now was my chance. I didn't care if Willow would laugh at me or not. "W-well, do you want to go with me?"
Draco looked down. "What?" he snorted. "No way in hell." He stomped past me. 
Tears began to well up in my eyes. Willow looked at me, shrugged, and said, "I'll be right back."
2 Days Later...
Draco started up his flying car angrily, as I got in the car next to him. "Just remember," he grunted, "I'm only doing this because of your bitch friend's promise."
The car lifted in the air, and took off towards the concert. "Where is it again?" 
"Hogsmeade," I answered.
When we got there, Good Charlotte was just about to start playing. We both walked up to the front of the stage, and I began moshing to the music, while Draco looked on, sighing at me.
"Joel is so fucking hot," I said, pointing to him as his amazing voice filled up the concert.
"He's an ugly prick," said Draco, spitting a lougie.
"Don't worry Draco," I said, "he's not hotter than you! Besides, I don't even know Joel, and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that blonde little bitch!"
"Calm your shit," said Draco, "and real nice, I'm blonde too you know." 
The night went on really well. I asked Joel and Benji for their autographs, and I drank some beer.
We both hopped into the flying car. But just as Draco began to revv up the engine, I got an idea. I leaned in close to him and asked, "How 'bout I drive the car?" 
"Please lord," said Draco, hastily getting out of his seat and switching his with mine.
As the car lifted into the air, I didn't drive back to Hogwarts...but the Forbidden Forest!
"What the hell?" he asked as we landed. 
I pushed him violently out of the car, and slammed him against a tree. I put my arms around him, making out with his hot pale face. 
"What the hell? You pervert!" he tried to push me off, but I slapped him and slammed him on the ground. 
"Are you insane?" Draco spat, starting to sweat, "get the hell away from me!" 
I climbed on top of him, and attempted to pull down my pants. Draco looked like he was about to vomit. But just as I was about to take off my panties, a voice echoed from behind us. 
"What do you think you are doing?"
I turned, and saw Dumbledore, looking stern.
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Dumbledore made us follow him. He looked disappointed, but not angry. 
"I am disappointed," he said, shaking his head.
When we got the castle, Snape and McGonagall were looking very unhappy with us. 
"They were attempting to have sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest," Dumbledore said, rubbing his white hair.
"You could've chosen a more private place," said McGonagall, not nearly as angry as Snape.
"McGonagall!" he spat. "Intercourse is forbidden anyways on school grounds! You can't just let them get away with this!"
"It's not my fault!" shouted Draco. "This crazy bitch tried to fuck me! You should expell her ass!"
"Don't make up excuses!" shouted Snape.
"Severus," sighed Dumbledore, "just leave them be. Ebony, is what Draco said about sex true?"
"Of course not," I said while Draco looked shocked. I smiled slyly.
"Very well," Dumbledore said, "just go up to your rooms. And I'm afraid if we ever see you both having intercourse in public again, we are going to have to expell you."
I smiled seductively as I dragged Draco up to our rooms. Some of the teachers glared at us, but I didn't care. Draco was furious.
"You freaking bitch!" he shouted. "You try to violate me, and you expect me to have sex with you anyways?" He tried to yank his arm away from me, but I didn't let him. 
Draco finally, with strength, released me from my grip and sprinted for the nearest door. I didn't care. I would get him soon enough anyways, whether he liked it or not.
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I woke up the next day, and went into the Great Hall to have breakfast. I thought about Draco's sexy body. He was so hot, I would force him to have me!
Suddenly, someone bumped into me, getting the milk from my cereal coat me. "Bastard!" I shouted. I looked up into the eyes of a tall boy with glasses and a strange, lightning shaped scar on his forehead. He was kind of preppy, but there was no reason to discriminate him for it. He was really handsome. 
"Really sorry," he said, rubbing the back of his neck.
"It's fine," I said, "I'm sorry for cursing at you. Say, what's your name?" 
The boy looked dumbstruck. "Y-you don't know who I am?"
Suddenly, I looked up at him, and blushed. "Oh yeah!" I said. "You're Harry Potter. Famous wizard! It's nice to meet you." I shook his hand.
"You too," he said.
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Later on in the day, I decided it was time to try and seduce Draco again. I hid behind a wall as he passed through the Great Hall. I carried a wrench with me, and I bent down low as I followed him.
It took about ten minutes to reach his dorm room. Before he unlocked the door, I stood up and bashed his head with the wrench. His face smacked into the wall, blood streaming from his mouth. I checked his pulse. He was unconscience, and I dragged him into my dorm room.
I threw his unonscience body on the bed, and I got undressed. I got inside him and I felt like I was going to get an orgasm after about 5 minutes.
"Ahhh..." I moaned. I was just about to orgasm when I looked down and saw a tattoo on Draco's arm. My eyes widened in shock. On it were the words "Harry Potter."
"What the HELL?" I shrieked, so loud it awakened Draco from his unconscience state.
"Wh-what?" Draco said, waking up. His eyes widened when he saw me on top of him. 
"What are you doing?" he shouted. He then looked down and saw my girls thingy in his boy's you know whaty, and started choking on his own breath. Then, he started puking, and I pulled out of him.
"YOU BASTARD!" I shouted, slapping him and hastily getting my clothes on. Draco had passed out on the bed, and I tore out of the room as fast as my legs would carry me. 
I searched the halls for Harry's class. Finally, I came to room 413, and kicked the door open with such great rage I swear I woke up Australia. 
"HARRY POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!"
Category:Bad Fanfiction
Category:Satire
Category:DIALOGUE!
Category:WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT
Category:English Class Failure
Category:Old Shit