Popeyes: The Lost Commercial

You know how they have a weird way of counting Popeyes commercials? That's right, they fucking don't. But since I don't give a shit I'm gonna tell you my spoopy story.
Back in 2020, I was but a wee little lad. The pandemic had gotten to me, I had lost all my friends and I was ready to blow my brains out. The only thing keeping me from ending it all was the Popeyes Chicken Sandwich. Well, at least it WAS, before June 2020.
I was busy in my room, jacking off to hot and sexy scat porn (DONT FUCKING ASK), while the TV was on in the background. As soon as i heard the familiar jingle and saw the orange background, i averted my gaze from the two women eating each other's shit. But something was off about this particular commercial. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but it seemed... lost. My mom used to tell me "Never watch ANYTHING that seems lost, or you will die and your ghost will wrote spoopy creepypastas for the rest of eternity", but since she's a stupid bitch and i never listen to her, i kept watching. The announcer said "@Samgh0sh's mind was blown by a free Popeyes Chicken Sandwich. Say what?" While said text appeared on screen. The user's icon appeared on screen... and that's what i realized what was so off about this ad. His gaze. He stared deep into my soul, and i swear i could hear it say "TURN THE TV OFF" but since I'm stupid as hell, I thought I heard "GET THOSE GIRLS OFF" instead. But then something appeared on the TV that would ruin my life forever.
It was Samgh0sh... next to..... Uzaki-chan. You remember that stupid bitch, right? The one with the big fucking tiddies? The one who dated a fucking neo-Nazi? Well, guess what? THEY WERE DATING. What a damn twist. So twisty it twisted my penis into a twisted pretzel as the commercial continued. Of course, it had these pieces of shit eating the Popeyes Chicken Sandwich. Samraat said "Mmmmm, this sandwich is giving me homicidal feelings!" And then Uzaki said "Yeah, let's go kill some hookers!" They then left, and the camera followed them, shaking around as if this was an episode of COPS. Samraat and Uzaki got out a chainsaw and hyper-realistically sawed a hooker to death like it was a DOOM glory kill. The other people on the street screamed, but of course, they couldn't outrun the couple of dumbassery, and they got brutally, violently, and, of course, hyper-realistically killed. Shit oozed out of their pants for no fucking reason too. Uzaki said: "I feel like killing more people now love" and Samraat simply said OK. They went out into the various street of Los Angeles, glory killing everyone, hyper-realistically. They hyper-realistically curb stomped, hyper-realistically tore apart, hyper-realistically tortured, hyper-realistically gutted, hyper-realistically cut into pieces, hyper-realistically tripped and smashed, hyper-realistically shot, hyper-realistically assulted, hyper-realistically decapitated, and hyper-realistically blew up every resident of Los Angeles, all while the camera followed, before cutting to black. I shit myself out of complete shock over what i just witnessed. Why would Popeyes air this on TELEVISION?!?!
It then cut back, showing the skyline of Los Angeles. But there was something wrong. The city was in complete ruin. Buildings were damaged, dead bodies were cut open everywhere, there was blood, cum, and shit everywhere you could imagine, and a few buildings even collapsed! The camera zoomed out to Samraat and Uzaki, completely naked, and they looked at each other before they hyper-realistically fucked. After several minutes of this, they began to hyper-realistically shit on each other and smear it all across. Then they walked up to the camera, with hyper-realistic faces, and said "GET A FREE CHICKEN SANDWICH OR YOU'RE NEXT!" Then the Popeyes logo showed up, and the familiar "Love that chicken from Popeyes!" was heard. Then it cut back to the program like nothing ever happened.
I was in tears. There was shit in my pants. Why would Popeyes make something like this?! I tried to contact Popeyes, but all i got was a simple "YOU'RE NEXT". I tried to contact Samgh0sh, but all he said was "YOU'RE NEXT". I even tried to contact the network that aired the ad, but, whaddya know, they just said "YOU'RE NEXT". I vowed to never eat at Popeyes ever again after this. But this would be the decision that costed me my life. A few days later, I was watching "Insert two apple in ass" on Pornhub, jacking off, when suddenly a SPOOPY SKELETON popped out of my pee-pee-hole. It grew Samraat's body and said "WHAT DID I TELL YOU BRO?!?"
And then he fucking killed me.
My skeleton is currently writing this story. I am now a slave to Samraat and Uzaki in the deepest pits of hell. Let this be known: If you see anything involving Popeyes, whether it be an ad, a location, or even their food, RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN. You never know when this specific couple may shit all over you and/or kill you..... Who knows, you might just be next....
Category:Trollpasta
Category:TELAVISHUN
Category:Hyper-realistic
Category:English Class Failure
Category:Stupid is as the main character does
Category:Potty Humor
Category:Im died
Category:Satire