Rage of the Horse Mutant

Allow
me to be frank, I have no investment in the "My little pony" (MLP) universe,
nor do I want to. I've seen the cesspool that is the shows fandom. Regardless
one knight I was up till 3 in the morning playing Drakengard 3. Why that game?
I don't know. But anywho since it was summer a thunderstorm vibrated into
existence above my house, said thunderstorm cut the power to my house shrouding
it in inky darkness. Despite my house being maximum dark I could hear all
sounds. 
I just sat there for what seemed like
hours; it was actually 11 minutes. Then my television flashed to life with an
episode of MLP with its eyebleedingly colorful horses running and fluttering
about the screen. Before I could question how the tv was working despite not
having power one of the horses, a lavender colored one, looked at me, its eyes
turned green, and it rushed at the tv. 
The horse melted out of the TV and reformed in my
living room. 
"My
soul must feast upon thy blood to survive!" it croaked 
"No."
I said 
At this the horse screeched and its
head exploded turning into a writhing mass of purple worms, each sporting a
fang filled maw. Two overly muscular arms emerged from the things back armed
with knives. 
"Well
shit"  
The horse squealed and rushed me in
an attempt to shiv me but I ran away in an attempt to escape from the rabid
horse mutant. I burst out of my back door and looked around my yard for any
type of weapon, the sound of splitting wood and shattered glass told me that
the horse chose not to use the door. Thinking quickly I grabbed a hatchet and
swung around. 
A sickening crunch told me contact
had been made and I saw the hatched embedded in one of the worms causing the
rest of them to fly out of control while the body convulsed on the ground. Using
the time I had I bolted into the garage and frantically began digging around
before finding my prize, a jug of gasoline. 
A horrid wail tore through the air
as the horse recovered, and it was closing in on my position fast. Unscrewing
the cap I shoulder smashed out the door and splashed gasoline everywhere. It
was then I realized I did not have any form of spark. 
"You
foul human, you have overstepped your bounds! Now die!" hissed the horse before
all its heads struck. I was overwhelmed and knocked backwards, landing sprawled
on the floor. 
"Now
DIIIIIIIIE!" it screeched as each worm struck like a snake; all I could do was
cover my head with my arms and wait for the inevitable pain. My last word was 
"HELP!"  
...
....
... 
No pain? What was happening? I looked up and saw a scrawny
kid in a white hoody waving two kitchen knives around in what I could only
assume was an attempt to be intimidating. 
"I knew following the stench of stagnation would lead
to a cornucopia of fun!" he cackled before rushing the horse and trying to
slash at it. While the boy was distracting the horse I scooted away and hid in
the shadow of my garage. 
The boy was trying really hard but was clearly
outmatched, his knives barely slowed down the horse. Provided they connected of
course. It was only a matter of time before-
-SMACK-
While to boy was preoccupied with
fighting the worms he failed to notice the horse's muscular arms and was
punched into my house. 
"neighehehehehehe!"
chortled the horse as it advanced on the boy, but it stopped ¾ of the way there
and turned to look up at my roof. 
"I'm
amazed Jeff" said a slightly feminine voice "even when my expectations are as
low as possible you still manage to fail to live up to them." 
Looking
up I saw the origin of the voice, it was a truly bizarre creature. 
Its head was a rounded octahedron with a blindfold
tied around it, the creatures torso was bulky and sported four thick arms while
the abdomen was unnaturally thin. Its triple jointed legs however, where quite
bulky. Finally a long thin tail slowly whipped back and forth behind the
creature. 
"Jibril shut up!" yelled Jeff as he hobbled out of my
house, one arm dangling limply and his hoody turning red with fresh blood. "I
had this under control!" 
"Silence you failure!" snapped Jibril as she jumped
off my roof and slammed her foot into the horses head, crushing it instantly.
The body continued to spasm for a moment before settling down. "You've mistaken
the Karcist's words for favoritism and have become arrogant because of it." 
"What
do you know? He sees my merit and treats me better because of it!" 
Slap
"You
insufferable wretch, the Karcist has dealt with hundreds like you in the past, you
are nothing special to him."
"Oh
really? If that's the case then why does he never actually punish me?" 
"That
is information you do not need to know. Now we will return to the Kiraak and
report your failure." 
"What!
Already? B-but I haven't even killed anyone!" 
"Due
to incompetence you have lost the privilege." 
"But
what about him!" 
Jeff
said pointing to me, my heart stopping as he said it. 
"Let
the jailers take care of it." Jibril replied coldly as she tore open a hole in
the air and threw Jeff inside it. She looked at me for a few second before
disappearing through the portal. It closed immediately afterward. 
I
crawled out from where I was hiding and looked at my house before sighing in
irritation. What was I going to do? 
Naturally a house getting destroyed
would be a subject of discussion among the townsfolk and I had a number of people
ask about it. I'd always just blame the storm and say a tree fell on my house
and then change the subject. 
About a week later some black vans
arrived in town, the people inside asked me a few questions about the event,
fixed my house then wiped everyone's memory, including mine. 
However one night as I was walking home from a
friend's house I was saw Jeff luring in the bushes nier my house. Evidently it
caused the events of that night to rush back to me in a tidal wave. So yeah,
that's where this story came from, send help I've been sleeping in the penguin
exhibit at my local aquarium for three weeks.      
Category:Bad Fanfiction
Category:BATTELS
Category:Beings
Category:Jeff the Killer
Category:DIALOGUE!
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Satire
Category:Well, that was anticlimactic.