Benito Mussolini

Mussolini fights to throw off a Communist bogey.
Benito Amilcare Andrea "The Moose" Mussolini (29 July 1883 – 28 April 1945) was an Italian politician, journalist, Mario Brother, and the batshit dictator of Italy from 1922 until his execution in 1945. Mussolini was the original fascist (after all, he popularised the term), but always lived in the shadow of his rival/gay lover Adolf Hitler.
==Political career==
While Hitler had a superficial connection with socialism, being a member of the German Workers' Party and then the National Socialist German Workers' Party, Mussolini actually was a socialist at first: he was the leading member of the National Directorate of the Italian Socialist Party (PSI). Like Hitler, however, Mussolini would be injured in World War I and from then on it all went a bit right wing.
Mussolini switched from believing that class transcended all national borders to deciding that the war had meant the concept of the nation transcended all class borders, a change in attitude known in Italian as "il switcheroo". More Italian: he took the concept of "fascio", meaning a bundle of sticks,It probably sounds better in Italian. from 19th century revolutionary groups, and popularised the term fascismo, publishing his ideas in a newspaper called Il Popolo d'Italia, which, despite sounding like a lovely authentic family restaurant that serves pasta made fresh on-site, was a hate-spewing rag. 
The concept of Fascism was very loosely defined, something which has proved an absolute nightmare for history students, who have been asked "What is fascism?", "Was Mussolini a fascist?" and "Is it accurate to describe all of Western Europe's dictators in the 1930s as fascist?" ever since.
In 1922, he demonstrated mass opposition to then-Prime Minister Luigi FactaWhose surname offers the opportunity to make jokes with the punchline "fucked-ah" pronounced in a cod-Italian accent. by leading the March On Rome, an act which would be much more dangerous today given Italian motorcyclists' approach to road safety. 
King Victor Emmanuel III reacted curiously to the march: he refused Facta's request to declare martial law, accepted the Prime Minister's resignation, and offered Mussolini the chance to form a government. Mussolini accepted and led a vaguely democratic government for four years, still an Italian record.Check out this list of numb-nuts. 
 	Name(Born–Died) 	Term of office 	Term of office 	Term of office
 	Name(Born–Died) 	Took office 	Left office 	Time in office
31	Giuseppe Pella 	17 August 1953 	18 January 1954 	
32	Amintore Fanfani 	18 January 1954 	10 February 1954	
33	Mario Scelba 	10 February 1954	6 July 1955 	
34	Antonio Segni 	6 July 1955 	19 May 1957 	
35	Adone Zoli 	19 May 1957 	1 July 1958 	
 	Amintore Fanfani 	1 July 1958 	16 February 1959	
 	Antonio Segni 	16 February 1959	25 March 1960 	
36	Fernando Tambroni 	25 March 1960 	26 July 1960 	
 	Amintore Fanfani 	26 July 1960 	21 February 1962	
 	Amintore Fanfani 	21 February 1962	21 June 1963 	
37	Giovanni Leone 	21 June 1963 	4 December 1963 	
38	Aldo Moro 	4 December 1963 	22 July 1964 	
38	Aldo Moro 	22 July 1964 	23 February 1966	
38	Aldo Moro 	23 February 1966	24 June 1968 	
 	Giovanni Leone 	24 June 1968 	12 December 1968	
39	Mariano Rumor 	12 December 1968	5 August 1969 	
39	Mariano Rumor 	5 August 1969 	27 March 1970 	
39	Mariano Rumor 	27 March 1970 	6 August 1970 	
40	Emilio Colombo 	6 August 1970 	17 February 1972	
41	Giulio Andreotti 	17 February 1972	26 June 1972 	
41	Giulio Andreotti 	26 June 1972 	7 July 1973 	
 	Mariano Rumor 	7 July 1973 	14 March 1974 	
 	Mariano Rumor 	14 March 1974 	23 November 1974	
 	Aldo Moro 	23 November 1974	12 February 1976	
 	Aldo Moro 	12 February 1976	29 July 1976 	
 	Giulio Andreotti 	29 July 1976 	11 March 1978 	
 	Giulio Andreotti 	11 March 1978 	20 March 1979 	
 	Giulio Andreotti 	20 March 1979 	4 August 1979 	
42	Francesco Cossiga 	4 August 1979 	4 April 1980 	
42	Francesco Cossiga 	4 April 1980 	18 October 1980 	
43	Arnaldo Forlani 	18 October 1980 	28 June 1981 	
44	Giovanni Spadolini 	28 June 1981 	23 August 1982 	
44	Giovanni Spadolini 	23 August 1982 	1 December 1982 	
 	Amintore Fanfani 	1 December 1982 	4 August 1983 	
45	Bettino Craxi 	4 August 1983 	1 August 1986 	
45	Bettino Craxi 	1 August 1986 	18 April 1987 	
 	Amintore Fanfani 	18 April 1987 	29 July 1987 	
46	Giovanni Goria 	29 July 1987 	13 April 1988 	
47	Ciriaco De Mita 	13 April 1988 	22 July 1989 	
 	Giulio Andreotti 	22 July 1989 	12 April 1991 	
 	Giulio Andreotti 	12 April 1991 	28 June 1992 	
48	Giuliano Amato 	28 June 1992 	28 April 1993 	
49	Carlo Azeglio Ciampi	28 April 1993 	10 May 1994 	
50	Silvio Berlusconi 	10 May 1994 	17 January 1995 	
51	Lamberto Dini 	17 January 1995 	17 May 1996 	
52	Romano Prodi 	17 May 1996 	21 October 1998 	
53	Massimo D'Alema 	21 October 1998 	22 December 1999	
53	Massimo D'Alema 	22 December 1999	25 April 2000 	
 	Giuliano Amato 	25 April 2000 	11 June 2001 	
 	Silvio Berlusconi 	11 June 2001 	23 April 2005 	
 	Silvio Berlusconi 	23 April 2005 	17 May 2006 	
 	Romano Prodi 	17 May 2006 	8 May 2008 	
 	Silvio Berlusconi 	8 May 2008 	16 November 2011	
54	Mario Monti 	16 November 2011	28 April 2013 	
55	Enrico Letta 	28 April 2013 	22 February 2014	
56	Matteo Renzi 	22 February 2014	12 December 2016	
57	Paolo Gentiloni 	12 December 2016	1 June 2018 	
58	Giuseppe Conte 	1 June 2018 	 	
58	Giuseppe Conte 	 	 	
59	Mario Draghi 	13 February 2021	Incumbent 	
==Dictatorship==
By 1925, Mussolini had grown weary of maintaining the thinly-veiled pretence of democracy, and declared himself a dictator, Il Duce, not realising that the name would be a source of amusement to American schoolchildren some seven decades later. 
Benito aspired to re-create the Roman Empire, and began by invading the glorious kingdoms that had made Rome a superpower: Ethiopia and Albania. 
The 1935 campaign in Ethiopia was relatively easy, given that the locals were malnourished, scantily-clad and mostly fought with spears. Only 10,000 Italians died in the campaign, and less than 50,000 deserted as they seized a country with a GDP the size of an average Starbucks. 
Buoyed by this step forward, Mussolini deployed military forces into Albania in 1939. Monstrous, industrialised European superpowers with highly-trained armies were entirely absent from this conflict, which can be best summed up as: the incompetent beat the defenceless. 
Perhaps after reflecting on his army's less impressive performance in a country where several people owned revolvers and trousers, Mussolini employed a policy of smiling and nodding at rising star Adolf Hitler, without every committing himself to fighting a war against anyone big.
===World War 2===
Some 12 months later, in 1940, Mussolini swept into south-east France after the French had surrendered, and a German puppet government, Vichy France, was in power. Mussolini then tried to push into Greece but did not realise that World War One tanks weren't effective on mountainous terrain and had to ask Hitler for some help. Greece promptly fell.
In 1941, Mussolini drove his military into British-held Egypt. Unfortunately, water and supplies were forgotten and the entire army was lost before a single British soldier was spotted.
As Italy's involvement in the war stretched into a second exhausting year, it became clear that the country did not have much in the way of raw materials for building arms. Always a keen military strategist, Mussolini took to begging Hitler to make peace with the Russians, in order that the Germans could help with stemming the Allied invasion coming in from Northern Africa.
When the Allied invasion force rolled into Italy in 1943, Mussolini boldly ordered the army to crush the enemies, but before he could finish the sentence he was deposed and sent to jail. Marshal Pietro Badoglio took control of the country, and maintained the impressive juggling act of publicly supporting the Nazis while simultaneously signing an Armistice with the Allies. The fascist party was dissolved, and Italians rejoiced, having not enjoyed the war particularly. However, the joy was short-lived, as the Nazis promptly invaded Italy, and the Italian government bravely declared war on Germany. From Malta. 
Mussolini was moved from prison to prison in an attempt to keep his location a secret, but was fatefully granted his right to a phone call. He called Hitler and asked to be bailed out. The German Army broke him out of jail, took over Northern Italy, and declared Mussolini the leader of a new puppet state, the Salò Republic. 
Mussolini's glorious reign lasted for another two years, but, in an odd correlation, he was deposed and arrested at around the same time Nazi Germany started to crumble.
==Death==
Mussolini and his lover, Clara Petacci, were killed, possibly by British spies, No one does conspiracy theories better than Italians. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_of_Benito_Mussolini#Post-war_controversy soon afterwards in the small but perfectly formed town of Dongo.In Italy's Innuendo region. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dongo,_Lombardy Their bodies were taken to Milan, where, in possibly the most Catholic move ever, the locals hung them upside down John-the-Baptist style, and then proceeded to throw stones at them. Just two days later, Hitler died. It was a bad week for fascism.
After several days of the crowd stoning Mussolini, one of Il Duce's most loyal men, the excellently-named Achille Starace, was brought before his former leader, who could no longer be considered to be in possession of classical good looks. Starace, to his credit, managed a dignified salute to what now closely resembled a bloodied sack of potatoes, before being shot and hung next to Mussolini.
Mussolini's body was then laid respectfully to rest. Oh, no, wait...
First, the photo below right was taken in the local morgue, demonstrating that recent events hadn't just changed the face of Italy. It actually earned Mussolini his final honour, as he was posthumously awarded an Oscar for Face Which Most Looks Like A Sofa Cushion, an Academy Award which has since been discontinued. Many modern day fascist sympathisers prefer to liken his death-face to a bowl of spaghetti, suggesting that this was the final act of a great Italian patriot.
Mussolini's body was then laid respectfully to rest. Oh, no, wait...
In an attempt to avoid creating a site of pilgrimage for the country's extremists, the Italian government had Mussolini buried in an unmarked grave in the Musocco cemetery, north of Milan. However, Neo-fascistPerhaps the world's first neo-fascist, bearing in mind fascism had only just popped its clogs. Domenico Leccisi, along with a couple of amici, dug Mussolini up and went on the run with his corpse. In possibly the most Catholic move ever, this was done on Easter Sunday.
Il Duce's body was finally recovered in August, hidden in a small trunk at the Certosa di Pavia, just outside Milan. In possibly the most Catholic move ever, two Fransciscan brothers were the ones caught with the corpse, though it was discovered on further investigation that Mussolini had been constantly on the move, like an Italian fascist version of the school hamster.
Mussolini's body was then laid respectfully to rest. Oh, no, wait...
The government dithered over what to do with the body and, incredibly, it was held in an unknown location for ten years. He was reinterred, in his family's mausoleum, in 1957. Coincidentally, the Prime Minister of Italy at this time, Adone Zoli, who made the decision to give Mussolini a dignified burial, was desperately in need of parliamentary support from Italy's still-popular far-right parties. 
Even more coincidentally, one such member of parliament was named Domenico Leccisi.
Benvenuto in Italia!
==Footnotes==
Category:Dictators
Category:People in Hell
Category:Fascists
Category:War criminals
Category:Wannabe Rulers of the World
Category:Heterosexuals
Category:White people
Category:Evil
Category:Wankers
Category:Dead people
Category:Italian people
Category:FA Italy
Category:FA Politicians
Category:FA Nazism
Category:FA People
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