How I Met Your Mother Lost Episode

Kids, have I ever told you the story of how I met that lost episode of How I Met Your Mother? No? Wait, you're not even my children. Well then, my name is Lorenzo von Matterhorn. Pleased to meet you. Now because I don't give a shit about where my kids are, nor what you've done with them, I'll just go ahead and tell you the story of how I met that lost episode of How I Met Your Mother.
I was a fan of How I Met Your Mother. I saw every episode, took philosophical advice from Ted, took life advice from Barney, masturbated to Lily and even wondered how Marshal could get a job in the law although he acted like a total idiot.
You see, every Friday night my friends and I get together and rewatch all of How I Met Your Mother in one night. However, one day a goat got into my house and destroyed my DVD's of the show, so I had to venture to the local Ripoffmart to buy new DVD's. I found a DVD that had the entire series on one CD as well as a bonus lost episode. Surely this will impress my friends tonight, I thought. Tonight is going to be legend ... wait for it ... dary! Tonight is going to be legendary!
That night I prepared some popcorn, put on my favorite suit and sat down with my friends to watch How I Met Your Mother. We went through the whole series and finally got to the bonus lost episode. "Alright, guys! This is going to be legend ... wait for it ... dary! This is going to be legendary!" I said. We all sat on the edge of our seats and stared at my legendary TV screen with excitement.
The regular How I Met Your Mother intro played, but the music was in reverse, everyone had blood-red eyes, Marshal had a Hitler mustache and Barney had some kind of handlebar mustache. The episode started with Marshal walking into the bar with Lily. The both of them seemed deeply upset about something. They sat in the booth with Barney and Robin, and started talking about what was troubling with them. "Something very, very bad happened," Marshall said.
"I just don't know how this could happen," Lily said.
"What exactly happened?" Robin asked.
"I presume Ted dumped another hot pornstar," Barney said, becoming angry. "FRIENDSHIP OVER!"
Suddenly, Ted walked into the bar and greeted his friends at the booth. "Hey, guys."
"Don't you 'hey, guys' us, Ted!" Marshal stood up and got in Ted's face. "You killed Marvin!"
"I HAD TO KILL HIM, MARSHAL!" Ted defended his murder of Marshal and Lily's baby. "THAT BABY WAS SECRETLY WORKING WITH THE ILLUMINATI TO CAPTURE ME SO THAT THEY COULD STEAL MY SWEET ARCHITECTURAL METHODS!"
"EVERYONE KNOWS YOU SUCK AT ARCHITECTURE, TED!" Marshal denied his claim. "AND A BABY HAD NO WAY OF WORKING WITH THE ILLUMINATI!"
"YEAH, ASSHOLE!" Lily spoke up.
"Lily ..." Marshal addressed his wife.
"Yeah?" she replied.
"Shut up." Marshal grabbed Ted. "Come on, guys! We're gonna kill Ted!"
"Oh this is going to be legend ... wait for it ... dary! Legendary!" Barney said as he stood up and fixed his tie.
The whole group went outside, ready to murder Ted for what he did, but Ted took out his scoped shotgun and tried to 360 no-scope everyone, but they all took cover.
"WAIT, TED!" Marshal shouted. "WE COULD SETTLE THIS NOW, BUT YOU KNOW WHO SHOULD SETTLE THIS BESIDES US?!"
"WHO?!" Ted shouted back.
"FUTURE TED AND FUTURE MARSHAL!"
"YOU'RE RIGHT!" Ted put down his scoped shotgun and Marshal came out from his cover and shot him with his golden sniper rifle. Ted exploded and a heavily-damaged Spoderman fell to the ground.
"Pls, stahp," he said as Marshal angrily walked toward him. "Actually is Spoderman. Teh Illuminati took me and put me into robot mecha Ted and nao I am here, one with Ted. And mi heart and soul is full of holes. Architecture is love, architecture is life. I kno u r wondering bcuz I am asking teh same question: but if I am kill, then who was fone?"
Suddenly Barney's head turned into the Illuminati eye pyramid and he killed everyone.
The episode ended and my friends and I sat there, shocked.
"You know what I think about this episode?" I said to them.
"What?" they asked.
"That it was legend ... wait for it ... dary!" I exclaimed. "It was legendary! We should watch this every Friday night too!"
And that, random stranger, is how I met that lost episode of How I Met Your Mother.
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