nyuuzyou/wikis huggingface dataset:
The Time I Died But I Couldnt Remember, Until I Did But it Was Too Late Cuz I Was Dead

About four years ago I died in a car accicdent. I couldnt remember anything. Only my name, my street address, my Social Security number, and all the lyrics to Karma Chameleon. I showed up for work the next day, my boss told me I was fired and that if I want to die I need to do it on my own time. This confused me, I didnt remember working at a flowere factory!1! For approximately three days I sat on a park bench looking at the stars that fill the sky that morning. How would I pay my bills if Im died, how would I get a job if I cant physically show up. I was having a mid-life crisis. I was the only twenty year old that had to live with the news of being dead. My car was completely totaled to I drove it to the nearest gas station and had the attendant clean the hyper realistic bugs, and crash fragments off of my car. Now that my car had been cleaned to new, it was time to find out what happened. I pulled a banana out of my back pocket, and called my best friend who was a retired genie. He said he could show me what happened, but with a steep price. If I wanted to know what happened I would have to make a porn with Slenderman. Finding Slenderman was a difficult task, so instead I found the most slender man I could find, Travis Barker. I beat his drum and he beat mine, the genie said it was a long shot but it just might work. After 10 seconds of an orgy between us, the real Slenderman appeared with hyper realistic tears in his completely void eyes. He said he was upset that I could replace him in Slender Cums 6 with some body as hideous as Travis Barker. I said Im not gay but it was either suck his cock or be dead and not know it, until I did know and it was too late. We embraced for a short while. I wiped Slenders tears, and let him blow his nose into my butt hole. After absorbing his snot into my anus I started to remember things. It was the middle of summer, in Las Vegas Nevada. I was traveling the highway on the hottest day of the year. The record high being 125 degrees Farenheit. I was cut off by Dale Earnhart and I hit a deep patch of snow. My car spun wildly and I crashed into the side of a cactus. My car instantly blew up, in hyper realistic flames. I was killed instantly. 
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Hyper-realistic
Category:Im died
Category:Stuff Blowing Up
Category:Well, that was anticlimactic.
Category:PROOF DAT SLENDURMAN EXUSTS
Category:WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT
Category:LONG ASS TITLE
Category:Wall of Text
Category:English Class Failure
The Time I Realised That It Wasn't Ketchup on My Shirt!

I was eating at McDonald's. I loved it. Until, I noticed a bit of ketchup on the floor. I asked the manager to clean it. "Hey, manager dude, clear this up!" I said. The manager looked at me with a serious glance. "Oh, if I'm your slave then why don't you do it yourself?!" The manager screeched. "Alrighty, McDonalds manager #15920, I.P Address: 452-103-684, house number 52 on Honky Tonk Road." I said. The manager was confused. "How do you know all of that?" The manager said.
"I dunno." I said, shrugging my shoulders. The manager glanced and he bent over. He tried to clean it. "C'mon! Clean it, moron!" I said. "I'm doing that, you asshole!" The manager grumbled. The manager was confused. "I think this is dried in..." The manager said. "It's not dried in!" I shouted. "OK, jeez." The manager said. The manager finally cleaned it up.
"Good job!" I said, clapping. "Thank you!" The manager said. "You're very welcome..." I said, taking a bow.
"You drinking the ketchup?" The manager asked. "Yeah-huh." I said, with a mouthful with pure red and juicy and moist and runny and very red-lppking ketchup. The manager's jaw dropped. For some reason. "You drank that month's worth of ketchup?! The manager shouted. "Yes, I did." I said. The manager screamed like Darth Vader. I spilled some ketchup on my pants. "Whoops." I said, brushing myself off using a napkin.
"Well, you're causing accidents everywhere you go." The manager sniggered. "Aww heck no." I said. My head was tilted down as I slammed my forehead into the table. Slowly breaking it like a fragile egg. I wanted to stop, but. The fact is, I didn't want to.
Then, I saw someone sleeping. "Wake up!" I said. A sobbing employee came my way. "He died of a heart attack. "Here." He sobbed. "Uhh, what's this?" I said. "That my sir is a McDonald's coupon." He said. "This is a load of shit." I said. "Yeah, I know, they don't even pay us!" He screamed in rage. "They treat you like animals!" I said. "I should quit at this point, I can't live in McDonalds. Every damn day I get the same B.S. The ice-cream machine is always broken. The sounds of the electronic beeping annoys the hell out of me! I can't take this anymore!" He screamed.
"Is that guy sleeping?" I asked. "I already said, he died." He said. "Look, you don't need to treat me like I'm in that thing that you call a Playzone." I said. "Our Playzone is safer than ever. Only a collective 69420 incidents have happened." I said.
"You suck." I said. "No, you suck." He said. We pushed and shoved. Until.
I was eating. I got some ketchup on my shirt. I tried to lick it. The ketchup tasted a bit, off. But it was alright.
That's when I realised that it wasn't ketchup. It was... BLOOD!!!!111
Category:Trollpasta
Category:WHAT A TWIST!
Category:DIALOGUE!
The Time Slenderman Visited My House

Once, it was foggy. Like, really foggy. I heard a knock at the door. I was taught not to let strangers in. So I didn't open the door. I heard the knock again. And I heard in my mind: "If thou dost not open the door, I will kill thou and everyone thou knowest." I looked out the window. It was a man. Except it wasn't a man. He wore a tuxedo, but had no face. Suddenly, I moved toward the door without making myself do it. I proceeded to open the door. Then I woke up.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:PROOF DAT SLENDURMAN EXUSTS
Category:Well, that was pointless.
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Shortpasta
The Tinder Match

I WAS FLICKING THROUGH TINDER AS USAUL, SCOOPING UP WOMEN. IT WAS GREAT, I WAS GETTING SO MUCH ATTENTION BECAUSE OF MY PROFILE PICTURE, IT WAS ME LOOKING ALL DARK AND MYSTERIOUS WITH NEON SHADES, AND NATURALLY THE PREGNANT SWANS WERE BY MY SIDE. SO AS I WAS SWIPING TO DA RIGHT, AND THIS WOMAN I MATCHED WITH SAID "HELLO", I SAID "HEY BABE, WHAT U AT?", "HOW WAS YOUR DAY" SHE SAID. I THOUGHT IT WAS ODD THAT THIS WOMAN DIDN'T ANSWER MY QUESTION, SO I ASKED IT AGAIN, "HEY BABE, WHAT U AT?", "I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO TALK TO ME ALL DAY, SEXY;)". AT THIS STAGE I WAS KINDA TURNED ON, THIS SEXI 22-YEAR-OLD WOMAN WANTS TO GET STRAIGHT DOWN TO BUSINESS, SO I GAVE HER MY HOME ADDRESS. THIS WAS 4 HOURS AGO BUT THERES STILL NO SIGN OF HER, SHE JUST KEEPS WRITING STUFF LIKE "I BET YOU'RE REALLY GOOD LOOKING IN PERSON. VISIT MY INSTGRAM @BIT.LY5462VIRUS". PLZ HELP, I THINK SHE'S A SEXI, SEXI CATFISH. OR WAS IT?
Category:Trollpasta
Category:ALL CAPS
Category:COMPUTERS AND INTERWEBZ
Category:Shortpasta
Category:Wall of Text
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep
The Tip

I stumbled into the kitchen, intent on the refrigerator. Yawning widely, I scratched my head and mussed up my long dark hair even more than it already was - my reflection in the stainless steel attested to the fact that I needed a hairbrush, badly. I ignored myself and pulled open the door. What to drink?
It only took a moment of perusing the fridge before my gritty eyes alighted on a bottle of Sunny D. I reached for the juice and made quick work of the lid before raising it to my lips and chugging the blessedly cool liquid down my throat in long, drawn out gulps. "Aaahhh," I murmured when I surfaced for air, wiping my mouth on the sleeve of my pale pink pajama top. That hit the spot.
As I turned to go back to bed, closing the fridge door as I went, I happened to glance at the counter top and noticed that there was a bat there. Not a bat as in a baseball bat, but a bat as in a small, furred creature. It was sitting on the kitchen counter surveying me with little black beady eyes. It's nose was crinkled and looked pushed up into its face; it was, as far as bats go, deliciously ugly, my favourite kind.
I shrugged a little and crossed over to the window. The bat eye balled me from his spot in the kitchen. I stared back just as casually and proceeded to open the kitchen window 'til it was wide open. Then I nodded at him slowly, turned, and went on my merry way back towards my bedroom.
When I got up the next morning, I meandered my way down to the kitchen and drew up short. There was $20 lying on the counter.
Thanks, bat. Who'd have thought Vampires weren't stingy with tips?
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Well, that was anticlimactic.
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Animulz
Category:WHAT A TWIST!
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep
Category:Shortpasta
The Tipping at Twilight

On a cold, windy winter evening, I sat at home, rapidly typing away on my computer. I had set up a rather quaint little blog for myself, and it was getting pretty popular. My latest post was discussing gender equality, or rather inequality. You know, it's pretty hard to be a woman. The constant catcalling when you walk down the street, the consistent online name-calling when playing the latest Call of Duty, and the worst thing of all, the fake relationship circle made up by basement-dwelling nerds. The friend zone. I finished the post at around 6:30, and quickly posted it to my blog, "thepersecutedwoman.blogspot.com". In no time at all, the post blew up, with people voicing their support from all over the world. I felt pretty proud of myself, until I saw a comment that made me stop in my tracks. It wasn't anything disturbing, it was simply the letter "M". The poster of the comment's profile picture contained the all-too-familiar neck bearded face, but something about it was different. Instead of the friendly, cheerful eyes of "fedora guy" I saw bloody, mangled, sockets. Two objects that appeared to be Doritos were stabbed into the empty sockets. A plastic tube stuck through a hole in his cheek and it had a strange green fluid pumping through it. The mere sight of it made me want to vomit. Who chooses something like that for a profile pic? The name attached to the picture was, "Nicest Guy". "Yeah I bet." I thought to myself. A shiver went down my spine.
Thirty minutes later, another comment by the same poster appeared. The letter "L". I heard a chip-crunching sound from outside my window. By this point I was getting unnerved, but I went and watched some funny YouTube videos and then returned to my blog 30 minutes later. Another comment appeared. This was the letter "A". I looked outside my window and saw a black fedora hanging from a branch of a tree. I wonder how that got up there? The letter "D" was next, and I heard the sound of a liter bottle of soda being opened from downstairs. This was the turning point. I locked the door to my room and tried to call 9-1-1. Crap. My phone was dead. At this point I quickly looked back at my computer. The last comment. The letter "Y". Now I realized what was happening. All the comments spelled "M'lady". I heard someone walking up the stairs, I turned off my light. I heard someone walking towards my room, I hid under the bed. Suddenly there was silence. It was deafening. I started to cry. The door knob slowly started to turn. I thought it was locked! A dark figure stepped into the room. It was so dark I couldn't make out what it was or what it was doing, but suddenly, lightning flashed outside and I saw something that I will never forget. The hideous creature grabbed the brim of his hat, and the tipping intensified.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:TOTALLY NOT UNFINISHED U GUIZE
Category:Memes
The Toeman

I used to lick toes till i met the toeman.
I was licking my homies toes one night then his toes started saying "ahh hell nah dawg the toeman is here"
"What the fuck" i said "Nah dawg im outta here" my homie screamed in confusion as he was forced to walk on his toes to the front door and the toes kicked the door open and left with him, i dont know where he is btw
"Bro he was kinda hot tho" i said while i was thinking about doing me in bed Then i heard a noise in the kitchen i started to run to the kitchen then i saw the TOEMAN
his face was a toenail his head was toe shaped his hands was feets His feets was feets his toes was toes The toeman said "aye bro can you lick my toe nipples" His nipples was toe nipples
I licked his toe nipples The toeman: "you and your homie got toed" I was confused then my homie came back but his head was toe shaped and his face was also a toenail I raised my fists to fight then i noticed my hands was hands Then the FINGERMAN popped up
I noticed my head was on the ceiling then i looked at the mirror and saw My head was finger shaped.
This was the scariest night of my life i got shot at by the cops when they saw me now im writing this in hell getting my toes licked by femboys Wait did my toes just talk And is that the TOEMAN?
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Beings
Category:English Class Failure
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep
Category:Shortpasta
The Toffee Crisp Vampire

We've all heard stories about things in the dark: the things no one can explain. The ghosts, the ghouls, the monsters, and all other things society tells us are not real... but we all know are true. 
Let me tell you about one, one of the most feared, one whose name is never spoken aloud in case it draws his attention. I am, of course, referring to the Toffee Crisp Vampire. Yes, feared throughout the world, all quake in terror at his passing as he cycles round, turning any that displease him into Toffee Crisp with his dreaded Toffee Crisp lasers that shoot from his eyes.
Some say that the Toffee Crisp Vampire is an experimental mascot that escaped from one of Nestle's genetic engineering laboratories. Some others say that the Toffee Crisp Vampire is a man born with bizarre powers that heralds the end times. And still, some say that I'm lying and making this up... but I guess we'll never know.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:SUPR SKAREY IMAG
Category:WHAT A TWIST!
Category:Read by MichaelLeroi
Category:Shortpasta
The Toilet Ghost

My toilet seat slammed even though I wasn't close to it, I've hired multiple paranormal investigators to check but they all told me that toilets don't exist. Needless to say I poop outside now
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Potty Humor
Category:One sentence
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep
Category:Shortpasta
The Tomato Town Incident

At around 10:00 AM on the morning of December 18th, 2018, in what was widely believed to be an act of government-sponsored ethnic cleansing, two armed militia men were seen parachuting from a military plane into the vicinity of Tomato Town. Upon landing the two quickly unholstered assault rifles and entered the local pizzeria where a massacre of unarmed civilians unfolded as they kept shouting, "Get Down! Get Down!". Improvised explosives were then detonated at the site of the crime to obscure the victim's identities. The local police chief spotted the assailants as they were exiting the diner and shot one in the back before he was quickly revived by his accomplice as they boarded a "technical" pickup truck and headed southbound. The two militiamen were outnumbered but gave chase before being cornered in the streets of the nearby district of Pleasant Park where a shootout occurred with the police. The two assailants were seen chugging jugs of alcohol before getting back into the pickup truck and heading towards Moist Mire where the police lost them, deliberately detouring around Loot Lake as a local source had tipped them off to the stationing of UN peacekeeping forces in the area. 10 bodies were later discovered in the rubble of the Pizzeria's board room. Not long after the assailants left the area, a purple cloud believed to be an experimental chemical agent developed by the government swept the area, resulting in death by suffocation, making the town uninhabitable and turning the survivors of the massacre into refugees. Military contractors hired by the government bulldozed what was left of Tomato Town including the ruins of the Pizzeria as well as the memorial site for the victims and redeveloped it into a religious site/tourist attraction for the dominant religion of the country known as "Tomato Temple". To this day the government denies the massacre and subsequent chemical weapons attack despite multiple Human Rights agencies releasing interviews with the survivors and even one of the assailants coming forward with a testimony of guilt uploaded to social media after a UN Geneva Convention Probe confirmed the use of banned chemical agents.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Copypasta
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Memes
Category:Inside Jokes
Category:Wall of Text
Category:Shortpasta
The Toothdog

Once there was an abomination that should never have seen the light of day, created in a science lab. That's what I call my kitchen. I had a thought... What if you put toothepaste on a hotdog? This marked the worst day of my life. I don't even have any hotdogs at my house, I'm vegetarian. I had to seek one out. I went to the grocery store where I saw a box in the freezer. It read "Hot dogs." As I purchased the hotdogs, the sassy checkout lady looked at me with an odd face, like I was a monster or something. "You just buyin' those hotdogs? Why'd ya come to the store jus' fo' hotdogs?" Her use of abbreviations aggravated my inner grammar nazi, but I ignored it. I replied with a cold "To create something beautiful." I was so wrong in saying this. I drove home, pulling into my rock-covered driveway and unloading the cargo that would ruin my life. It was just like the cold war. I had to figure out an alternate way of cooking them, as I didn't want to contaminate my cookware with hotdog. I started a fire in a building down the street and left. I never got caught. I wish I would have... I frantically ran back to my house, knocking my toothbrush off of the sink counter and grabbing the toothepaste. I squirted the minty paste onto the surface of the hotdog, and it came alive... It ran away and murdered 16 people. I regret every moment of that night. Please watch out or it will invade your head while you sleep and consume you from the inside out. Alive.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:EVIL FOOD
Category:Wall of Text
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Shortpasta
The Torpedo of death

There once was an old ship. it was an accursed ship, with no sailors on board. this ship was a warship, and fought for the spanish empire in 1529. it was fully equipped with torpedo launchers, cup holders and port and starboard attachments.
one day, the ship saw its target. it was the ship of EVIL PATRIXXXX. the ship launched the torpedo at the PATRIXXXXX ship, but it missed. the torpedo instead hit the sky
when the torpedo landed in boston, illinois. it went into hiding inside of an old coffee shop's closet. the torpedo carved a wooden knife out of a broom in the closet and kiled everyone in the shop. the torpedo became rogue,, hiding out in select locations around boston and killing people. killing people was the only way to
Category:Trollpasta
Category:TOTALLY NOT UNFINISHED U GUIZE
Category:EVIL PATRIXXX
Category:Well, that was pointless.
Category:English Class Failure
Category:Shortpasta
The Tortoise

My family has a tortoise that shits out Uno cards.
So my sister and I were playing Uno and our fucking tortoise just up and yeets over and eats our entire deck of Uno cards? Which is really funny because it took him 3 hours to get to where we were. And we were playing so many rounds. Even when we saw him approaching with utter rage in his eyes, we didn't care. Maybe he'd go somewhere else.
But no. He didn't. The fucker just ate each and every card with such painstaking care that we fell asleep waiting for him to finish. And now he's shitting the cards out EVERYWHERE. Like I literally stepped in a red two this morning, covered in bile and shit. Nasty.
So if anyone has any advice on how to retreive (retrieve? How the fuck do you spell that) the cards and how to sanitize them after that would be great. I don't wanna go to Walmart and get another pack of cards, I'm lazy as shit.
Oh also as you can tell I didn't actually read the story so umm, then a ghost rode on the tortoise's back and said BOO at us really loudly but also very slowly.
Tortoise just shat out a yellow ten. What does that mean?! I guess it means we'll die or some shit.
Anyway, will keep you updated if we die! Also please post on/follow r/thanoschungus I'm begging you. It's my cake day. Wait it's midnight so it's not my cake day anymore gosh DAMN IT.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Potty Humor
Category:Animulz
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep
Category:Shortpasta
The Totally Legit How I Met Your Mother Theory

Kids, have I ever told you the story of How I Met Your Mother?
How I Met Your Mother was a show that ran from 2005 to 2014 about a New York architect named Ted Moseby trying to find "true love" with his friends Marshal, his wife Lily, Barney and his eventual wife Robin. Basically the whole show is of Ted in the future telling his kids the story of how he met their mother, hence the name. It somehow took almost ten years for him to finish the story and, in the end, it turns out that Ted was just telling the huge story to convey to his kids that he wanted to fuck Robin because his original wife died and Barney divorced Robin in 2014. Spoilers, by the way.
How I Met Your Mother was actually based on the real life of Walter White the Science Guy, who worked as a drug dealer in the ghettos of New York. He also had several mental disorders, including multiple personality disorder, causing him to also be three other people, named Ted Moseby, Marshal Ericson and Barney Stinson. Walter White the Science Guy was making a lot of good money from his drug dealing and never wanted to be tied down, but he often bought prostitutes. The first prostitute, Lily, he had sex with as Marshal and she got pregnant, forcing his Marshal personality to end up in a marriage with her. The second one, Robin, he had sex with as Barney, and luckily she couldn't have kids, so he left her and they never saw each other again. The third one, the mother, he impregnated as Ted and got roped into marriage with her, and ended up having another kid. Finally, his Barney personality decided to fuck a bitch every night for a month and succeeded, but got the final one pregnant. Walter White the Science Guy's life was tossed around by all his personalities and he wrote a long story that followed the life of his other personalities before committing suicide. The story was found and made into a television show.
You might ask, "How can you know that all of this happened?" Well nobody ever knew that I'm actually the original personality of Walter White the Science Guy and he was one of the four personalities made up by my multiple personality disorder. My name is Bill Nye the Cancerous Meth Dealer.
Category:TELAVISHUN
Category:THERY
Category:The Title Is A Lie
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:WHAT A TWIST!
Category:WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT
Category:Trollpasta