26 Hours of Insanity

This.... This is it... this is the 26th hour of my life without playing Roblox. I do not know what is real. I can no longer tell right from wrong. My moral compass has left me in its entirety. I do not know if I need food anymore. Everything I see, touch, feel, smell, all remind me of Roblox. I saw a man eating a cheeseburger, and was instantly reminded of the "Cheezburger" gear on Roblox... I saw a man hold someone at knife-point, and all I saw was Murder Mystery 2. It has gotten so bad to the point where I need to ask the strangers I see if what they are doing really is a "Roblox" reference or not. The man with the knife I was talking about earlier? I stopped the robbery mid way through, and asked him "How many chromas do you own?". He seemed to be incredibly dased, and did not seem to have a single clue as to what I was talking about. A few seconds passed, and I asked him again, "How many chromas do you own...?". Again, he hesitated in his answer. I did not feel like dealing with his rather offensive and silent disposition he had towards me, so I revealed myself as the "sheriff" and shot him 7 times in the chest, and 4 times in the head. As his wriggling, nearly lifeless corpse fell over, I asked him one more time, "How many chromas do you own?". This time he uttered his last words, before being ruthlessly dragged to a painful death: "I own three..."
Finally satisifed with my answer, I nonchalantly walked aware from the murder scene (yet another Murder Mystery 2 reference!). Fast forward to now, I am in my Jeep (one that has an eerie resemblance to the free model one you can use inside of roblox) and am traveling at 60 studs per second to San Mateo, California. Whatever James Cluttybutty (the REAL creator (and God) of Roblox) can do now won't save him. I am out only for blood, and no object, no human, no security system is strong enough to stop me from sacrificing him to John Doe to bring back Roblox.
This is it. This is the final 70 miles I have until I reach the location of James Cluttybutty. Along the way, I have had several body guards of his try to stop me. It had gotten out hours earlier that I was targeting James Cluttybutty, and that whatever they do they should make sure I was always more than 100 miles away from him at all times. While the guards were given hundreds of miles and hours of time to prepare before I found them, anything they tried to use against me was no use. Their Barret M82A1s were loaded with .50 cal bullets, ready to stop me in my tracks. Five of the most skilled snipers in the entire country were set up to take me down. By the time they found my location, I was already (disturbingly) 178 miles away from James Cluttybutty. All five of them lined up their shots. "So, is this the guy?" The first marksman said to the others, via their comms system. "Yep, that's 102 percent him", the third sniper nervously communicated over the radio. "So, do we fire?", the 2nd sniper said. "Yep, fire!" remarked all of them at once. Five .50 caliber bullets were instantly sent straight to my direction, all travelling at a velocity of over 2,978 ft/s (908 m/s).
By the time the bullets reached my destination, the snipers all made a horrible realization: I was bulletproof. The sheer anger and adrenaline I had built up over Noblox has caused my skin to turn into only the finest ROBLOX grade metal, with strength not even comprehensible by the universe. Not only did the bullets have no effect on me, but I also absorbed them, only making me stronger. Using my strength of the force (a strength I found from Star Wars: The Old Republic II Roleplay), I near instantly shut off the airways of all five marksmen, and crushed their hearts instantly, with their deaths soon to be forgotten. By then, James had gotten the news of what happened to the snipers. He knew he had no options left but to be constantly in motion. While this was his only choice, he also knew too good and well that he would eventually be caught, with his soul being sacrificed to John Doe. I'm closing in, closer and closer to James Cluttybutty. I feel powerful, like I am taking a x2 Coin Boost (Bubblegum Simulator 3 reference). My instincts told me I am only about seven miles away from James, which fluctuates from 6.8 to 7.6 miles from time to time. I am no longer in my Jeep, and am taking a casual walk to find him. I know James Cluttybutty is aware I am close, as I can smell the raw fear emanating from his body, with the beat of his heart ringing in my ear.
None of the security protocols he hastily implemented worked; The turrets did no damage, nor did it slow me down. The anti-tank mines did nothing to stop me, either. Even the use of anti-plane missiles did not make me bat a single eyelid. Now that I am only 5.2 miles away from James, I use this time to think about how He will be sacrificed. "Will I make it short and quick?" I ponder. "No, not for what he has done. He has avoided me all of this time, done everything in his power to stop me, and has even resorted to using government weapons to attempt to slow me down. You know what you need to do.", I thought to myself. It was at this moment I instantly devised a plan to sacrifice James Cluttybutty. It will involve only the most painful and deadly weapons available in this universe. It will start out with spikes (Welcome to ROBLOX Building reference) Slowly impaling his heart. Then, while his still-conscious body wrestles against all signs that he should be dead, I will use The Dregänøth to keep him in a state of psychosis. Here, his body will have to choice but to stay alive, with no way to succumb to death. Using this state of psychosis and temporary immortality, I will use the Venomshank (Sword Fights on the Heights Four reference) to slowly leak all of his energy, will to live, and soul out of him. After this, I will finally be able to use the sacred chant "Herr tredje id, kom och lek med mig. Jag behöver dig här för att spela ikväll, jag behöver dig och din styrka ikväll" to notify John Doe of his presence. Now that he is in this state, John Doe will be able to deliver the final blow, and restore the Roblox servers forever, allowing me to play Brookhaven Roleplay with LaseredByRaz for as long as I please. In the time it took for me to think out this entire plan, I realize that I am only 1,200 yards away from James Cluttybutty. All I need to do by now is execute my plan. I see his pathetic fifty-eight year old body, unable to outrun the sixteen studs per second I constantly travel at. He eventually falls and goes into a whimper, with the final words from him before my sacrificial ritual began being "We'll get the servers up soon, please don't hurt me...". His words meant absolutely nothing to me.
I slowly brought out my stamper tool, and placed it directly where James was standing, impaling him and sending a pain that can only be described as having 1,000 heart attacks and 500 migraines all at once. Now I had James right where I wanted him. James's near lifeless eyes watched in what I could only describe as pure, unadulterated terror as I brought out The Dregänøth, with him knowing too good and well that I did not want to make his sacrifice easy. Before his synapses could even properly react to the eldritch horror of a weapon I seemingly materialized out of nowhere, I set him in psychosis, allowing him to see horrors that would put any soul to rest in a near instant. Now that the Second step of my sacrifice is done, I can continue on with the third step. I now unsheathed the Venomshank I had on my being, and slowly stabbed it straight through James Cluttybutty's skull. I watched in what I could describe only as pure joy as his body flashed a pastel green, and back to caucasian white over and over again. I know now that I am able to proceed with the fourth, and final step of my sacrifice: notifying John Doe. I prepared my dry, cracked lips to rehearse the phrase I repeated nearly 7 quadrillion times in my head already, and finally uttered the phrase for what should be the last time, "Herr tredje id, kom och lek med mig. Jag behöver dig här för att spela ikväll, jag behöver dig och din styrka ikväll". I waited for three minutes, in what I could only describe as the most silent silence I have felt in my life up until this point. Soon enough, I felt his presence. Behind me, I detected a pale man with an orange tank top, with as dead of a smile as I have ever seen. He knew what he needed to do, and I did not even need to communicate with him what it is that needed to be done.
He strutted slowly over to the location of James Cluttybutty's mutilated body, and extended his arm out to feel his framework. As soon as he got close, it seemed as if reality itself slowly ceased around James' body. Bit by bit, James' skin turned into antimatter, only to soon disappear, leaving absolutely no trace anywhere. A wind slowly picked up around the area, rapidly turning into hurricane force winds, which then exponentially picked up even more to casual gusts that would make a EF-5 tornado feel like a regular windy day. The wind seemed to never stop, and eventually got louder and louder to the point where I could barely hear myself think. Suddenly, the wind abruptly stopped. My eyes were sealed shut, most likely as a reaction to the wind I had experienced only minutes before. It took what felt like weeks, but I eventually gained the courage to slowly open my eyes. I realized I was sat in my bed, with my computer close by. I was almost entirely sure of what had happened over the past month that I was blind. In order to confirm what I knew was true, I slowly rolled out of my bed, and walked over to my computer. I logged on, opened Chrome, and typed in the dreaded letters. "Hyper Text Transfer Protocol Secure Slash Slash, World Wide Web dot Roblox dot com.". That's when I knew it had worked. Roblox's servers were operational again, and I could play Brookhaven Roleplay with my friend, LaseredByRaz. I had won.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Copypasta
Category:Satire
Category:Roblox
Category:I CAN HAZ TRANSLATION?
Category:Look at me! I'm SO EDGY!