Rabbit's Little Problem

Hi there, I'm a little nervous and not really sure how to start this thing off, but I guess I will just start by saying that my name is Mr Link, and I am a sasquatch. Yes, a sasquatch who used to live in the mountains of Coloumbia many moons ago back when the world wasn't made of bricks and no one had to pay for air! I didn't like living in the mountains very much because people would always throw stones at me which made me very upset, but thankfully I was saved by my best friend in the whole entire world: Sir Lionel Frost. Sir Frost was an acclaimed British explorer who was under a lot of fire for having an affair with a dishwasher tablet. This act caused everyone to turn their back on ole Frost including his former assistant Lemuel Lint resigning when the press caught wind of some rather embarrassing photos of him at a tea party or something. Sir Frost forbade Lint from giving any comments to the press, but Lint did not care and left Frost's side. The pair had been best friends for a very long time and often had fishing trips out in the grey and murky ocean where they would no doubt run afoul of an old man named George. I had known George he was a prick as he used to hit me with his fishing rod all the while yapping on about how he was jilted at his wedding by his ex fiancée Mr Muddle. "Oh Mr Muddle!" George would cry as he beat me with his shoes.
Sorry about that tangent; anyways, I knew all about Frost as we had actually gone to community college together. While in college, Frost regularly defended me from bullies and would give said bullies an incredibly smelly speech about how I was his friend. The speech would cause me to smile the cheesiest smile that you'd ever see. After leaving college, both Frost and I found money hard to come by, and he offered me free lodgings at his apartment in Bristol. Ah Bristol truly a place we will wish to be! Knowing that my sasquatch appearance would no doubt cause some unwanted attention, Sir Frost forced me to dress up in fancy suits whenever we would spend an infrequent night out on the town. I was still met with judgemental eyes whenever I entered a bar as the bartenders would more often than not be very scared of me and my size. I was the size of a double decker bus and built like a lumberjack. Don't be fooled by my fearsome appearance friends, for I am truly a gentle giant at heart. All I ever wanted is friends. I mean yeah Lionel Frost is nice and all, but I want more than this provincial life if you get what I mean.
Sadly in recent days, Sir Lionel Frost has decided to stop taking me out to dinner with him after I caused a massive scene at Frost's favourite bar; The Spouter Inn. The Spouter Inn had two menus. One in English, and the other in Pig Latin. There were a lot of Latin Pigs roaming through the streets begging for harmonic reinforcements, and the Spouter Inn had decided to capitalise on this business opportunity by offering them their own menu. I was and still am to this day a very stupid and short-sighted sasquatch, so I ended up selecting the Pig Latin menu. Upon opening up the menu, I quickly realised that I had made the wrong choice and I then looked over to Lionel for guidance. He was looking at me with a distressed look on his face, and he kept slamming his fist into his hand. "You're insisting on a fisting?" I asked curiously as I then placed an order. I ordered something... I don't even remember the name of it to be honest with you, and we got our food five minutes later. I can't even begin to explain what I got. It was this ball of rotten burger beef I think which was floating in a bowl of green milk I think. It made me gag violently with every bite and it was very embarrassing. "Oh Mr Link you really are a handful." Sir Lionel whined as he facepalmed the most violent facepalm that I think I have ever seen. Trust me I've seen Facepalm The Movie, haven't you? Following this disaster of a meal, both Sir Lionel and I were barred from dining at the Spouter Inn ever again. We were thrown out onto the cold damp and quite frankly very smelly streets. I looked over at Sir Lionel, and he looked at me as I asked, "what you suppose is eating them?"
Our story begins sometime after this banning, I was sitting at my shared apartment trying to catch up on me soaps when Sir Frost came in holding a handbag. He placed the bag onto the coffee table as he told me that he wouldn't be staying very long as he was going out for a pint with some friends of his who were very important but still rather smelly Northwestern alumni who wished to discuss possibly inviting Sir Frost to perform a seminar for some pre-medical students. The alumni had hoped to get Doctor Rosenbloom or Doctor Cutler to perform the seminar, but the pair were non verbal and spent their time slowly nodding their heads to any questions that was asked of them as really smelly music played in the background. The kind of music that makes you gag even worse than I did during my little episode at the Spouter Inn. See; it's all coming together like a beautiful synagogue! "But what can I do? I'm a bored!" I whined as I shut off the TV. Sir Lionel who was already halfway out the door simply shrugged as he said, "well find a way to entertain yourself, cause I am out of here!" Following Sir Lionel's departure, I realised that he had left his handbag on the table. I had often tried my best to politely suggest ditching the handbag as it made Sir Frost look a bit like a wolf digger. A wolf digger are people who dig for slugs. Ha! "Hey Sir Lionel, you forgot your...." I stopped myself mid-sentence as I spotted something in the handbag. Something wedged in between the boxes of tea and almond mints. I stuck my hairy hand into the bag and pulled a DVD? I looked the DVD over and was rather confused.
It was a Winnie The Pooh DVD, and something I should have probably mentioned earlier is that I am actually a massive fan of Winnie The Pooh so I was very excited, but very confused at the same time as Sir Lionel was a known hater of Winnie The Pooh and he regularly forbade me from watching it. Why did Sir Frost hate Winnie The Pooh? Well; you know Gopher from Winnie The Pooh right? Well, Sir Frost claims that as a young man he had worked in the salt mines up past Bongo Hills where he saw Gopher appear in a hole on the other side of the mine he was working on. Gopher appeared in the hole and told Sir Frost to be quiet. Sir Frost had no doubt that Gopher killed a man, and he was worried that the rest of the Pooh cast may be just as murderous so in an act of poor judgement he advised me to keep away from any series revolving the yellow bear. He had even gone so far as to place a safety net on our Disney+ account which prevented me from being able to watch any Pooh themed show with the exception of.... The New Adventures Of Winnie The Pooh. Silly ole Frost had completely forgotten about that show, and whenever he left the apartment for work I would always kick my disgusting hairy feet up and watch an episode or maybe two. Sometimes, I even took on three. Now, the DVD's cover looked really hot... er I mean really weird as it had a picture of Rabbit sleeping on a hammock while the Sun had a face and it appeared to be winking at me. The back of the DVD was blank, well actually there were words written in tomato sauce which read, "Do You Remember What Happens When You Eat Kellogg's Cornflakes?" What was this episode sponsored by Kellogg's or something?
Apparently, it blooming was because after inserting the disc into the PlayStation 3 I was treated to a brief advertisement for Kellogg's Rice Krispies. It was in stop motion, and it involved Snap and Crackle forcing Pop to test if the milk had gone bad or not. A large fist made out mould came out from the milk carton and began strangling Pop, but he was rescued by Crackle who beat the milk carton in an arm-wrestling contest. You know; at times like these, I begin to realise that Pop was actually the lapdog for the entire Rice Krispies brand. It reminded me a lot of the time Big Smoke was tormented by Frank Tenpenny for not selling enough drugs, but that's another story. George Extra Large. Oh, wait I didn't do it right, well buggering buggerton! Anyways, the main menu then appeared, and it was really SICK! Rabbit was on screen, and he looked drunk. His eyes were half open and his mouth kept jittering. There was only one option which read, "Want To Dunk A Plunk?" After clicking on that, Crane from Kung Fu Panda walked on screen and he looked at me with his beak wide open as he said with a glare so sinister it turned snow mellow like Jell-O, "nice." I shook a book as the episode then began with the normal theme song, but it was anything but normal.
When Pooh sees the alarm clock and freaks out, he leaps out of bed like normal, but when he falls on top of the marbles he ended up breaking his back. Suddenly, an incredibly fat sweaty man's face came on screen as he proclaimed, "uh oh looks like Pooh needs a good doctor!" He was pulling the weirdest face you'd ever see. During the part where Tigger stands on the ledge, he ended up falling off as he cried, "shit!" And finally, when Piglet gets confronted by the Heffalumps and Woozels, he got torn to shreads! The episode's title then came on screen, and it read, "Rabbit's Little Problem." Out of key piano music could be heard playing in the background as the episode then cut to show Pooh knocking on Rabbit's door. Pooh was holding a textbook which after zooming in a little I realised was a GCSE mathematics book, I laughed as the door finally opened to reveal Rabbit was wrapped up in an old dressing gown. He looked drunk again, and his mouth was jittering like a big old bee as he was handed the book by Pooh. Neither said anything as the sound of cash registers could be heard playing in the background. Rabbit looked at the screen as he said, "maybe we could help Christopher Robin with his homework." Luckily for Pooh, it appeared as though Rabbit had hired an incredibly scary mathematics professor named Professor Migita who cannot stand cheating!
Sadly, Rabbit was acting very out of character and kept bugging Professor Migita by trying to cheat on the homework questions. Rabbit looked around the room for some kind of inspiration, but this led to Migita suspecting he was looking out the window, so he opted to have the curtains closed only to reopen them immediately as he feared they may have been words hidden in the patterns. Rabbit ended up handing the paper in unfinished to an uncaring Migita who was just grateful that the game was over so he could go home and play some Atari as he was a big fan. His favourite game was ET, but I'd keep that to yourself buddy OKAY? Hmm, the scene then transitioned to show Christopher Robin sitting in his room looking very upset because it turns out he got an F on his homework which of course resulted in his mother grounding him. Christopher Robin was very upset because being grounded meant that he could not spend time with his friends. He blamed Rabbit for the bad grade, and he realised that as of late, Rabbit's judgement was beginning to stink. Rabbit had hired Professor Migita without even looking at his qualifications. If he had done a simple Google search, he would have realised that Professor Migita knew next to nothing about maths, and was actually teaching Rabbit a trick he once used on an incredibly complex mathematics question that no one could answer. Not even Sir Frost could solve that one. It's a toughie as Goofy once said. Thinking that perhaps Rabbit needed some help, Christopher Robin grabbed a coat from his closet and used it to climb his way out of his window and onto the smelly streets which were so smelly because people kept leaving their rotten half chewed gum out so that the Pink One could eat it, but we'll talk more on that later.
Over at Rabbit Manor, Rabbit was shown hiding something in his carrot garden when Pooh Bear appeared behind him as he asked, "why so sad Rabbit?" "Oh!" Rabbit cried as he fell to the floor revealing that he was trying to hide a bag of green seeds, I think anyway. I rubbed my chin as a really stupid looking pelican came by and picked the seeds up and flew away into the sunset with them as the song Ocean Drive by Lighthouse Family played in the background. Rabbit grabbed his ears in despair as he cried, "oh my pot!" Ah ha! I always knew there was something not quite right about you Rabbit, and thanks to this episode I finally have the answers. Yes, Rabbit was secretly a drug user but he only used it when he became stressed, and he was being supplied by an unknown source but it could have been Sollozzo. Rest in peace. Christopher Robin and Piglet came riding down the road on a red bicycle and they ended up crashing into a briar patch where the pair became riddled with splinters, but they did not care. Piglet grabbed Rabbit by the neck and lifted him high up into the evening sky as he threatened him with, "don't you know that drugs are dangerous your stupid prick?" "Piglet... what... is... wrong.... with... you?" Rabbit asked as the air was squeezed out from his body. Not wanting to kill Rabbit, Piglet opted to release him as Christopher Robin asked why Rabbit had begun taking drugs in the first place.
Several years ago, in New York City long before the events of the show, Rabbit was working as an undercover NYPD informant. He had infiltrated an organisation ran by Bobby Briggs. Briggs was the most powerful dealer in town, well at the time anyway, but the cops refused to acknowledge him due to the narcotics department being heavily corrupt and the fact that they had been tricked into thinking that Briggs ran a completely legitimate organisation which dealt out bowls of raw cookie dough and tacos. Rabbit was a very skilled drug dealer as he was able to rise through the ranks quickly until he became Briggs' chief lieutenant, personal bodyguard, personal butler, personal assistant, and personal lover, but that's between you and me okay love? Sadly, Rabbit was beginning to become increasingly paranoid around this time period as he believed that Briggs had become wise to the ruse so he ended up breaking character just as Briggs was about to announce his plans for a big shipment which was coming into New York via boat on Thursday. Knowing that Rabbit's information could put him and his associates behind bars for life, Briggs tricked Rabbit into thinking he was free to leave. He gave Rabbit a goodbye goodie bag which had a bunch of little trinkets including a toy carrot which was a party popper. Briggs advised Rabbit to give the popper a real good squeeze. Wink. Now back then, Rabbit wasn't as wise as he is now so he opted to take Briggs' advise very seriously. That evening upon returning to his Bronx apartment, Rabbit squeezed that party popper so hard that it burst and white powder got all over his salad. Rabbit rolled his eyes with contempt as he said, "oh this is un...." He was cut off as white fumes entered his nostrils as his eyes became completely dark black and he proclaimed, "oh that's good!" Yes, Briggs had riddled the party popper with cocaine, a trick he often used when supplying drugs to clowns who were his main customers.
From that point onward, Rabbit was an addict and it caused him to lose his job at the NYPD and forced him to get the first boat to the Hundred Acre Wood. So you see; even though Briggs had not killed Rabbit, he still had no doubt caused Rabbit's downfall in more ways than one. "I just couldn't stop." Rabbit admitted as he was now shown sitting in his sitting room with everyone staring at him intently. "But what if you could?" Piglet questioned as he then began speaking with, "there's a place not too far from here which pledges to help people get off drugs and back on carrots." Rabbit didn't really have a whole lot of options, so he opted to take Piglet's suggestion. Sadly, Rabbit was very scared, so the rest of the gang agreed to accompany him. The gang made their way to a nearby bus stop where they were confronted by Owl who proclaimed, "Owl is in the house motherfuckers!" Rabbit held his ears in contempt once again as he cried, "I'm all ears say cheers!" The bus then pulled up on the pavement as the gang made their way onto the bus except for Christopher Robin who was hated by the bus driver. The bus driver was a Muppet who looked bloody scary and he kept glitching as he ordered everyone to stay in their seats until the bus has come to a complete stop. The bus started speeding down the roads as Pooh and Piglet busied themselves by digging into an old lunch bag which Pooh had found stuck to a seat like a piece of chewing gum. Pooh opened the bag up which inadvertently caused a small wooden bus toy to fall out from it. "What the fuck?" Pooh asked furiously as did Rabbit, Tigger, and Owl. The bus eventually arrived at a rehab centre which is where all of Rabbit's dreams could hopefully one day come true. I certainly hoped they would anyway.
The drug rehab centre was ran by a fish named Doctor Bellwether. Hmm now that's a name that I've heard Sir Lionel mention many a times whenever he would take me out to get ice cream and such. Now, Doctor Bellwether formally a plastic surgeon from Bikini Bottom claimed to be Rabbit's salvation. Bellwether took Rabbit into a back room with him, and it was a very weird room. There was a bunch of noses all stuck to a wall, and Rabbit's job was to pick out the correct nose for him. "But this may take awhile Doc." Rabbit admitted, but Bellwether reassured him by saying, "hey that's ay ok! I took a Hippocratic Oath which means I will not stop, I will not stop, I will not stop until you have picked out the correct nose which suits all of your needs." Before Rabbit even had a choice to pick out a nose, he was already being hauled off to the emergency theatre by Bellwether's evil nurse henchmen who had no mouths, but they did have noses so that makes it all okay. Rabbit was then shown leaving the drug rehab centre with his brand-new nose which according to the tag had come from the body of Virgil 'The Turk' Sollozzo, so Sollozzo could not have been Rabbit's supplier. The nagging worry: who was Rabbit's supplier? Since the nose came from Sollozzo, it meant that Rabbit now had a snoz which looked like a Turkish garden hose, and it was able to gain Rabbit a lot of interest from the ladies including the waitresses who were practicing politics as the businessmen slowly got stoned. It's better than drinking alone I suppose. According to Bellwether, the nose could prevent Rabbit from getting any kind of satisfaction from taking drugs. But sadly the nose had a lot of defects as Rabbit ended up developing an even worse drug addiction than before. He ended up having a massive drug binge at his house which led to him receiving a visit from Officer Pete.
According to sources, Police Commissioner Al Priss was supposed to appear here but due to a case of food poisoning from a bad Krabby Patty, his home boy; Officer Pete was forced to take the role. Forgive me, but Al Priss was very stupid as he would eat food without checking to see if it was right or not even if the food had worms and mould coming out from the top of it. "Mm you tell em hon." Al Priss would say as he took a big ole bite from the nasty burger. Poor ole Priss! Officer Pete stuck his disgusting face through the window as he asked, "hello what's all this then?" Rabbit covered the coke pile with a tea towel as he offered Officer Pete a cup of tea. "Listen, I'm not stupid son, hand over the stuff and you'll have no problems." Officer Pete said, but Rabbit knew there was no way he would not go to jail for this so he threw a brick at Officer Pete's head as he made like a tree and fled down the streets. He hid behind an old oak tree and lit himself a pipe, only to learn that the trees were actually alive and they had faces but they looked really scary and they forced Rabbit to smoke with them. Rabbit and the trees got high as heck, but he ended up dropping his lighter which caused the entire Hundred Acre Wood to become engulfed in a massive fire. "Oh shit." Rabbit said as he fell to the floor as a tranquiliser dart had been blown into his neck. Officer Pete stood above Rabbit's body and he turned to face Christopher Robin who had fired the dart and said, "go get the sacks." Rabbit was then shown being thrown into a patty wagon as Officer Pete declared a job well done.
Rabbit managed to escape the patty wagon, as Officer Pete had completely neglected to lock the door. Not wanting to be a burden to his friends any longer, Rabbit searched around town for a place to stay and briefly considered renting a room at the Bunton House, but quickly neglected the idea as he knew Emma Bunton would force Rabbit to take part in her Christmas chart countdown, where all she would do is yap on and on about how great life is at the Bunton House and would basically plug the place at every single given opportunity. I rolled my eyes for 1000 years, moving on, Rabbit decided to stay with the Tweenies, an idea which at one point in time would have terrified him but now doesn't sound like such a bad rap after all. Rabbit ended up not staying with the Tweenies very long as he ended up ruining their big musical performance by laughing at how horrible their costumes were. Grandpa Max started crying as he made a really weird noise which sounded like someone letting out a fart but then that fart being sucked back in without warning. Rabbit did not go unpunished for ruining the Tweenies' concert as he was forced to clean the toilets, but he was able to find peace in cleaning the toilets like some kind of Charmx. After all the Tweenies had gone home for the night, Grandpa Max had a little one on one with Rabbit inside the playhouse. Rabbit explained his whole ordeal to Grandpa Max, who was surprisingly understanding about the whole thing. Max then explained that the only way to get Rabbit off from his addiction was by giving him the biggest scare of his whole entire life. A scare so bad it would make Rabbit forget all about drugs. I don't think that would be enough to get people off from their drug addictions Grandpa Max, but whatever it's your call and I will trust your judgement as always.
Grandpa Max headed upstairs and reached inside his bedside draw and pulled out a chocolate rabbit which was actually sentient like Rabbit. Max then came back downstairs and headed back inside the playhouse all the while clutching the chocolate bunny rabbit tightly in his mutant pink hands. Max placed the bunny onto the table and pointed a handgun at his head which was a trick he had dubbed, "Shoot The Cocoa Bunny Trick." Basically, for the trick to work Max would threaten to blast the bunny's brain out which would scare his fellow Tweenies into behaving properly and would also scare them into doing their chores. The chocolate bunny showed no fear and actually remained impassive like some kind of Tom Hagen, almost as if the bunny was waiting to die and if that is the case then that's honestly kind of sad. The tactic was successful, as Rabbit had become so fearful that he ended up coughing out a huge gust of smoke which according to Max was actually Rabbit's drug addiction demon. The demon left the nursery via the cat flap. Cat flaps make your teeth go grey! From that day onward, Rabbit became a changed rabbit and took up a job as a loan manager at JLB Credit. Grandpa Max at this point in time began plugging his best friend Brian who was a swell fella, but kind of weird as he always wore odd socks and he could never open his eyes for love nor money but he was always smiling and I think that's just beautiful personally. Eventually, Rabbit just got sick to death of Max constantly mentioning this Brian person that he decided to pack up his bags and head home in order to show his friends how much he had grown in the last two days. Heading down the streets, Rabbit made a rookie error as he crossed the zebra crossing without looking both ways and ended up getting hit by a truck which was being driven by the dumbest truck driver you'd ever see. The truck driver pulled over at a nearby Greggs and ordered a hot chocolate.
After being handed the hot chocolate, the Spanish scuba instructor who worked as the barista asked if the truck driver was working that evening. "Not tonight it's Christmas Eve!" The truck driver proclaimed in the dumbest voice you'd ever hear, as he and the truck disappeared into the distance. The front grille of the truck was shown with Rabbit's mangled corpse being shown attached to it. The episode then ended with the normal credits, but there was a SICK post credit scene which featured Felonious Gru or rather Bootleg Felonious Gru on a talk show being asked about how his life was before becoming a super villain. "It was delightful!" Bootleg Gru proclaimed as I became so scared that I hid my face behind my cushion. Not like that would do anything anyway. Oh my! This episode has appeared to have turned me into quite the snarky little snarky, but that's not me! I am a gentle giant I mean it I really am! Suddenly, the PS3 started shaking violently as Sir Lionel came in holding a bag full of pork apple and sage sausages from Tesco as he proclaimed, "Mr Link I got the sausages!" Upon noticing the smoke now shooting out from the video game console, Sir Lionel ran to my aid and clutched me tightly as a pink blob of gum came shooting out from it. It was um drum roll please actually no don't do that because it hurts me ears it was none other than the Pink One. Told you we'd talk about him later didn't I my pork? Well; the Pink One is an incredibly scary cyclops which was made out of chewing gum. He had been created by Doctor Nitrus Brio in an attempt to win the science fair, but N Brio once again lost the competition to his arch nemesis Maurice as the Pink One had gone on the run to Bikini Bottom where he gained a rather infamous reputation for starting a gum racket.
You see; Bikini Bottom residents were forced under threat of death to never throw out their balls of chewing gum and were forced to mix all of their gum together until the ball became the size of the Empire States Building. Any attempt to throw the gum out would result in you getting a firm telling off from Saucy Pat who had been employed by the Pink One to serve as his enforcer. Saucy Pat it would appear has taken quite the level in jerkass, as he wears an old bathrobe and nightcap, and he glares at you whenever you try to throw the gum out. Also, Saucy Pat is always accompanied by this really sexy robot... sorry this really stupid robot and really sinister music will always play whenever the pair share a scene together. Enough about Saucy Pat before we all get twisty nipples, let's just say that the Pink One clearly wanted Sir Lionel and I killed because we both disliked chewing gum. I cannot stand gum, and the Pink One was very angry about that fact. We were able to earn the Pink One's respect, or rather I was able to earn his respect by showing no fear and instead offering to invite the Pink One out to dinner at the one restaurant in town which I had not been banned from yet which just so happened to be the Lobster Inn. There sure a lot of Inns in this story aren't there friend? I can call you friend right? Internally grateful, the Pink One gave us a lift on his back and Sir Lionel began to bond with the Pink One by telling stories from the time he got kicked out of a gentlemen's club for throwing soup at the windows. I smiled the cheesy smile again as I realised that this was a beautiful contrast to earlier when Sir Lionel acted timidly around the Pink One.
I have never in all my life had such a beautiful evening. A fine meal and a fine port is all you really need for a successful night out. The Pink One and I dined on lobster tails while Sir Lionel chatted away with a man named Clarence who thought that Sir Lionel was his date. Sir Lionel made sure to take lots of time when telling his stories, and Clarence was delighted when he heard the stories about Lionel's parents fighting in the Olive Oil War as he too had fought in the Olive Oil War many moons ago. Long ago and yet not so very long ago if you know what I mean. After finishing off our dessert which I must admit was not something to write home about. I ordered the Ice Cream Kablam and the picture on the menu showed that the ice cream came with a short bread biscuit. But when I got my ice cream I found no biscuit only shards of glass. I was very tempted to complain, but since the rest of the evening had been so wonderful I ultimately decided against it. I began snickering a snicker as I searched through Sir Lionel's bag and to my luck, I was able to find an incredibly squashed and half eaten Snickers Bar. I bit into the bar as I continued snickering which caught Sir Lionel's attention. He lowered his cup of tea as he asked with a sly expression, "what's so funny?" "I think I feel a song coming on!" I proclaimed which caused Sir Lionel to hop onto the old wooden table as he sang, "now I get it let's go!" Sir Lionel, Pink One, myself, and Clarence made our way onto a nearby hill where we sang Let The Sunshine In by the Fifth Dimension. Actually, tell the truth, Sir Lionel had not accompanied us up the hill instead he was sitting on the windowsill of some old bugger's house and he just kept smiling at us and didn't say anything. Um.... I'm uncomfortable. In fairness, the old bugger in that house deserved it have broken into as he was very rude to his wife as he would yell at her because she didn't put gravy on his mash potatoes. Bastard.
Whoops! Well, look at the time I really must be off as it is time for my salsa class. Yes, I take salsa lessons because well why wouldn't I? My salsa lessons are all sponsored by the Genco Pura Olive Oil lessons don't you know? Sorry I don't know why I had to get so condescending when I asked you that, I guess it's just another sign of the time Miss Jones. Oh yes, now if you excuse me, I had better be off because Sir Lionel gets back. Sir Lionel has just found the remains of Worley an old and cranky blue telephone who used to occupy Telephone University. Ah Telephone University! Just hearing that name takes me back. Worley threw himself into the woodchipper because as a very old and smelly telephone it took him a very long time to dial 9-1-1 which made things real difficult, and his slowness caused the death of a Corleone Capo who had dialled the number for fast assistance. Did somebody say extra fast? Worley's remains were thought to have been lost at sea, but Sir Lionel knows the truth it would seem as he was able to find a bit of his moustache in an auction shop in Santa Monica. The man gave Sir Lionel the hair for free, but really, he could have charged more. I mean come now. Oh dear, Sir Lionel has just parked his car outside, and I can hear him skipping his way up the steps. I better be going because I don't want to miss another salsa lesson. I've missed 20 of them already! Goodbye dear readers thank you for being so kind so as to take the time to listen to this, and as for Pink One, he now lives with me and Sir Lionel as our lodger because he seems to own a lot of mortgages. Well, that's good to know.
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