The Norm MacDonald Live Lost Episode

Once upon a time in the long distant year of 2019 I was scratching my balls and playing with my pet parakeet Mildred when I decided to put on some YouTube and watch my favorite YouTuber, the Pissed Off Angry Gamer. He was a pissed off angry retro video game player with a grabber because he was too big to get up who compared GameCube discs to chocolate chip cookies and referred to the system as the 'Nintendo ShitCube'. There's also a video of him destroying a Sony stereo comparable to a big brown bear ripping open a trailer analogous to a big black bear carving into a trailer like a fat kid devouring a hostess twinkie with his grubby little paws because he's inbred and one of his parents was a bear. Anyway, the Pissed Off Angry Gamer had deleted his YouTube, so I put on some Norm MacDonald live instead.
"Norm MacDonald here for pissing down your leg and calling it Self Saucing Lemonade Pudding!". In other words, the episode started off as normal. I got up to brush my teeth with some lemonade toothpaste and was awestruck by how sour it tasted, but then again it was lemons so I should have known (I crushed the lemons myself and mixed them with tartar sauce to make toothpaste). Norm MacDonald continued, retorting his trusty sidekick Adam Eget who informed Norm that he shouldn't piss his pants in public. "And what are you? The motherfucking Tooth Fairy?". Well, this didn't make any sense. "Frank Stalone!". I considered turning off the tape, I mean video, but I had a major itch in my balls and I didn't  want to risk the itch dominating me. "We have a special guest for you tonight", Norm MacDonald said, staring into the camera. It was at that point that I noticed he had razor sharp incisors instead of normal people teeth. No, wait, that's how Norm normally is in real life. "And here he comes now!". Oh fuck, it was Adolf Hitler. Hitler was shouting while holding a Nintendo Wii nunchaku remote in one hand and a raspberry rhubarb pie in another. He took out the pie (well he already had it out) and smashed Adam Eget in the face in it! "Well, he is the comedic foil.", Norm MacDonald added. "Perhaps that pie should have had some aluminum foil... on it!". A laugh track played out. That was strange. There never was a laugh track for Norm MacDonald live. This was a very red herring.
Hitler took a seat. "I once played Gigli for the Nintendo ShitCube", Hitler began. Wait—how did Adolf Hitler know that I wanted to watch the Pissed Off Angry Gamer? "I bet it tasted like lemons", Adam Eget remarked. "You don't eat a video game console you fucking nerd.", Norm rebutted. I felt a sizzle sent down my spine with what happened next. Norm MacDonald unzipped his pants, and there was a giant bulge in them. "Oh whoops, my bad." Norm MacDonald pulled out several dozen yellow twizzlers. The twizzlers were lemon flavoured. "Anyway." Norm MacDonald pissed in Hitler's face! "Gahgahagahagxhsvcidagbdc!", Hitler screamed, drowning in Norm MacDonald's piss. Holy crap. Hitler... Adolf Hitler was dead!
"They used to ask 'What if you could go back in time and kill Hitler?'", Norm MacDonald continued. "As it turned out, you don't have to go back in time. Let this be a lesson to you, audience: when life gives you lemons, take a giant shit inside of a genocidal dictator's mouth!". "Actually, you pissed on him", Adam Eget retorted. Norm MacDonald didn't like this. He took out a grabber and smacked Adam Eget across the face with it! It was at that point that I realized the grabber had spikes on the edge of it. They cleared slashed open Adam Eget's grizzled face, like a butter knife through butter, or maybe even margarine or whipped cream. Adam Eget was dead.
I decided to turn off the video and I went to bed. But I couldn't, so I got back up and opened the refrigerator. I shrieked in horror at what I saw.
Inside of my fridge. As far as the eye could see. Way off into the distance, was a horizon, as if off to sea. And way off into the distance, all the way out... were lemons, floating on top of the salty water like apples at an apple bobbing convention attended to by, I don't know, people dressed as witches and Frank Stallone and shit.
I woke up. I breathed out a sigh of relief. I had dreamt up the whole thing. Phew! I got myself a lemon yellow TastyKake and a tall glass of Dunkin Donut pink strawberry lemonade refresher and turned on the news. Holy shit, it was the Angry Pissed Off Gamer.
"It looks like a fucking chocolate chip cookie!", the Angry Pissed Off Gamer yelled. He was... he was standing above my house! He was taller than my house! I let out a scream, knowing it would be my last. I had always been told that the Russians would devour us whole... but at what cost? Oh, at what cost?
I twitched my Charlie Chaplin mustache and woke up for real this time. My father, Norm MacDonald, had been watching me sleep the entire time and had dipped my hand in an ice cold glass of lemonade just so he could watch me piss myself. I rolled my eyes and put on a fresh pair of underwear as I stepped outside to speculate on what the day could bring. I hopped on my $7,500,800 million million dollar scooter before checking the flagstaff in front of our garage right beside our house, and there it was.
The flag of Russia and Germany merged as one. And in the teeny tiny corner, even without my glasses on, I could read it in MS Gothic font.
"Frank Stallone Wuz Here".
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Memes
Category:Lost Episodes
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck