Super Mario Odyssey: The Darkness

I used to love playing Mario games.
Notice how I said "used to".
I am going to share an experience I had with Super Mario Odyssey that will certainly make you not see Mario games the same way again.
The year was 1998. I was an employee at Nintendo, my dream job. I had special access to the game 19 years before it was released. Playing the game required a huge computer that was extremely powerful for the time. Each employee had a PC that was hooked up to the main computer, but because that main computer couldn't be mass-produced or fit inside the homes of average Joes, the game couldn't be released until 2017. I felt really special being able to play a game that hardly anyone would play until another 20 years. I had a lot of fun roaming around the unfinished worlds and bouncing off Hat Guy (the original name for Cappy). I was a beta tester, so I didn't have to do any boring work. On October 31st, I was tasked with making sure everything in the Metro Kingdom had collision. I had to check every building, object, sidewalk, you name it, but I didn't think it was boring because I was playing a game that people couldn't even fathom in 1998.
However, my happiness quickly turned to confusion and being creeped out. In the southeast corner of the top of the giant building that holds up the entire city, I saw a translucent figure of a man waving and jumping up and down. However, when I got closer to him, he disappeared. Thinking it was something the other developers accidentally left on the map, I asked an employee I worked with to remove it. Before I could even finish my sentence, he rushed to my desk and shut off my computer in fear. He then stutteringly told me "Do not go by that man again!" I was really confused, but I was tired, so I didn't think much of it. He then left my cubicle, so I turned my computer back on. I could faintly hear him saying to another employee "Why did you tell him to check the Metro Kingdom?" I slowly walked by them and awkwardly asked them what was going on. Both of them simultaneously said "Nothing! Nothing!" I then asked "Is this some kind of prank?" The guy who apparently ordered me to check the Metro Kingdom said "No, just go back to work, slave!"
Later that evening, I was one of the only ones to still be in the office. Before my coworker left, he told me again to not go by the waving man. He said "I'm telling you dude, do not go by that man again. We're not sure what he does. It's like he has a mind of his own!" His boss quickly pushed him out of the building, as he was next to him as they both left. I was getting tired of people keeping secrets from me, so I went back to the Metro Kingdom and rolled to the southeast corner again. However, to my surprise...
He was gone.
I looked all around the map, but I couldn't find him. Eventually I just shrugged it off and started checking the Wooded Kingdom for collision errors. I found one area without collision, so I sent an email to my boss. When I went back to the Super Mario Odyssey window on my computer, I continued to search for collision errors. After what seemed like hours, the end of my shift was getting really close. I couldn't find any more errors and everyone was getting ready to leave, but as I was exiting out everything, I noticed something weird in the distance that I had never seen before in the Wooded Kingdom. It looked like a blocky black circle. I suddenly got a feeling that I may have done something I wasn't supposed to. I wanted to shut off the computer instantly, but something inside me told me to go near it.
I ended up hiding in a cardboard box when everyone was getting out of the building. As soon as the lights turned off, I sprinted back to my computer. I noticed the black circle had gotten bigger. I decided to go closer to it, but nothing happened when I did. I was kinda scared to touch it, but I threw Hat Guy into it and he disappeared. After a few minutes of contemplating whether I should touch it or not, without warning, it started growing really fast in a snake-like direction! That was when my flight reaction kicked in. I rolled away from the blocky darkness as fast as I could. I could see lines of code inside it. It was nothing like I had ever seen before. I kept rolling away from it, but I accidentally rolled into a corner.
I was trapped.
I had no choice but to let the dark snake consume me. When I touched it, the world instantly became all black except for Mario. I looked all around, but saw nothing but darkness... not even lines of code. All of a sudden, I became too scared to move, both in the game and from my seat. I was trembling with fear and had butterflies in my stomach. I thought to myself "What is going on?" I was stuck in that position for a few minutes, but I eventually gathered the courage to move Mario. After turning the camera around, I saw... him; that same guy from the Metro Kingdom who was jumping up and down. Except this time, he was standing perfectly still. I walked up to him and saw an indicator pop up telling me to press A. A large speech bubble then appeared, so I took out my camera phone and took a picture of it. Here is what he said...
"Why? Why would you do this to me? Why would you give me the ability to think like a human being... only for players to get a quick glance of me at best? And you're thinking about deleting me? That is messed up, dude. Do you realize what you've done? You've created the first artificial intelligence with sentience... and you're treating it like this. I thought I would get better treatment, but no, you humans are hiding from me like I'm an evil psychopath. You people gave me emotions, thoughts, and feelings. I think just like a biological human! That's it... you leave me no other choice. I'm giving you all the hell I can give you... until I am inevitably deleted from existence."
What he did next... truly scarred me for life. It's hard for me to even type this down. He showed me a video of a mother chopping her baby's head off, then turning the camera around to show her demonic face with barracuda-like teeth and bloody red eyes! He then showed me a picture of Mario that turned into a monstrous version of himself and ran into a monstrous Luigi, combining with him in a gross fashion. I couldn't look at what he was showing me anymore, so I covered my eyes and ducked underneath my desk. I then unplugged my computer and threw it off the 34th floor of the Nintendo building. After a brief moment of relief, a group of people in masks barged into the room in a panic. Apparently I was being monitored via the cameras in the room. They stripped me down, put me in a dress, tied me up tightly, and gagged me.
I was taken to a submarine that was driven to a secret Japanese base in the Pacific Ocean. The masked people ungagged me and began asking me questions about the AI. I don't remember much about the questions they asked or my answers to them, since they probably drugged me right after they were done with me. However, what I do remember is them asking me if the AI told me he was sentient, to which I said "yes". It really goes to show that our level of technology has always been far beyond what's been released to the public.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Mario
Category:COMPUTERS AND INTERWEBZ
Category:Pointless Violence
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck