The Drive

IVE NEVER BEEN ONE TO USE SHIFT INSTEAD OF CAPS LOCK...*cough*
Ive never been one to sit around in my apartment all day, the idea of it is quite frankly disturbing to me. Every day we get a little closer to death and yet here we are sitting around all day joking about the thermal property of jetfuel.
Every night at around the same time I get into my car and drive to the outskirts of the city, trailing along the desolate dirt paths and winding roads until I decided id had enough isolation and would head back. Tonight was different though...
While trailing along a road I had been down thousands of times before, a side path I had never seen before presented itself to my left, I thought this odd as I had traveled this road more times than chris-chan should have been arrested for sexual harassment and surely would have noticed it by now. I slowed my car as I approached.
Upon reaching a distance of about 9.525E35 Planck lengths suddenly my radio kicked on, static at first, than a few muffled words managed to make it through the sparking silence,
"Come, What is it that you desire most?",
"A Better radio station",
I reached and turned the knob to 94.5 "meats beats", listening to the ASMR sounds of assorted meats being beat against a table. I decided that the path looked too rundown to ride my Little Tikes Cozy Coupe(tm) along and willed myself to drive past. 
Suddenly out of my radio station blared a horrible Hyper-Realistic noise, truly a horrible sound, BROCCOLI was being smashed against the table. Being a strict vegan I was enraged by this mistreatment of vegetables and swerved off the road directly into the unrecognized side path I was intent to avoid.
"Their manager is gunna hear about this" I stated, pushing my soccer mom hair cut out of my eyes, briefly considering my failing marriage.
I shifted my car into reverse to escape but when I turned the look where I was going there was nothing behind me but trees, infinite acres of newly grown forest.
"But who was tree?" I Jested
I laughed at my originality and understanding of when to use memes
confused and wanting to get a closer look I reach for my car door handle
Open the door,
Get on the floor
When I step outside the air is cold, it wouldnt even make eye contact with me at family dinner. Shivering I get back into the car. I sit there for a while considering what had happened, assuming that I had simply gotten disoriented and just missed where I came from. Again through the sounds of newly beaten meats emanating from my radio I hear a voice erupt.
"DRIVE"
I was shocked, it sounded like the voice of a 9 foot tall man with multiple arms a suit and no face, very terrifying indeed. Seeing no other option I obeyed and began to drive down the road. It was bearably cold at first, however as I completed what I would approximate to be the first 1.03452455 repeating mile the air shifted and began to not even invite me to its wedding after being together our whole life.
freezing, I turned on the heater in the car, providing some form of momentary relief.
The second mile was mostly quiet, say for the screaming children lining the streets and the strange hatred for freedom of speech, I mostly passed this off as an Antifa protest and kept driving, not making eye contact as to not be seen as "literally hitler" for my oppressing gaze. As the mile came to an end the screams stopped and the anti-facist-facists slowly returned to the forest, watching me as I went.
The third mile was truly horrible indeed, Lining the sides of the roads were happy familys enjoying their steak dinners and eachothers company. I was horrified. I unrolled my windows and began to inform them about slaughter houses and how veganism is ethically superior....but they wouldnt give me a glance. A huge vein popped in my forehead as I realised I had gone almost 406 words without informing people that I was vegan.
Finally, I rolled to the final mile...
"Whoa I thought this would have been 2.75 times longer" I thought to myself
This final mile was no joke, Slowly I rolled into the behind of Patrixxx himself, experiencing the burning pain of 1000 hemorrhoids all over my body as I heard his vicious laugh in the background, haunting my still to this day. I felt the skin melt off of my body and go back inside me in a most unusual way.
Finally after what felt like years of torture I reached the end and exited back where I had started
the voice once again erupted from the radio
"You asked and u have recieved"
Suddenly the radio station switches to Praise 106.5 the jesus station.
In the end I got my better radio station...and it was worth it.
Category:Blatant Ripoffs
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Hyper-realistic
Category:Memes
Category:Trollpasta