Taiwan

CHINESE TAIPEI (Mandarin: Ching Nang Taing Bae), erroneously known as "Taiwan Province" or "Taiwan, China", is an island country rebellious province of China currently governed by the so-called "republic of Vagina" in Taipei that is in the same state as "English Washington" dependent of 23 million people and 25 million Luxgens. It is roughly the same size as Hong Kong and, just like Macau, it's crawling with hookers, if you know where to find them. Other inhabitants include cheeky kids and goofy teenagers. Cheeky kids will spend hours scouring the streets for a Caucasian so that they can say, "Hello". When the foreigner responds with the same greeting the cheeky kid says,"Fuck you!" to the white guy. In contrast the goofy teenagers will just say, "Hello!" to the foreigner and then laugh at their own sophisticated wit until they wet themselves.
Taiwan is a democratic corrupted republic created in the most spiritual and sacred mind. It only exists if you believe it exists (sort of like former English Washington). It is located in East Asia, and was established by the DPP in the year 2008 when they are all hunted down by the aboriginals due to their robbery of jewelry and money in banks, temples, churches, and especially from the TiffanyCartier Co. This republic has jurisdiction over the undergound and caves of Taiwan. In 2008 elections, the heroic president Ma demolished the nation physically and it only exists in the minds of the corruption believers and Chen Water X worshippers. Unfortunately, the heroic believers of Chen were all executed by the evil forces of KMT and, therefore, the republic only lasted two days. This party also lasted only for one hour before the DPP had overthrown it. This republic was demolished and conquered by the Republic of China, by the KMT and all DPP members and Taiwan Independence Activists were executed. Today, Taiwan exists only in the minds and brains of the DPP whom have escaped to the New Japan Manga Empire. 
==Geography== 
It's in Asia. It's an island uncountry. There are mountains and lakes and stuff. What else do U wanna know? 
Someone in Taiwan say Taiwan is one of Heir of Chinese Culture.
==History==
The history of the Republic of Taiwan can be traced back to May 20, 2008. In the afternoon of May 20, 2008 the nation broke into two parts: the Pan-Green Coalition which controlled the underground part of Taiwan, and the Pan-Blue Coalition which controlled the entire part of Taiwan. The Pan-Green Coalition had more money, jewelry, prostitutes, Japanese relations, criminal relations, pig relations, and in May 21, 2008 the Pan-Green Coalition united the nation again after the Nantou War. However, less than two days, the Pan-Green Coalition were eliminated due to the fact that they were fooled by the KMT. Therefore, this false victory, were the plan of the evil KMT which they pretended to give up its seats in the Congress, and then the DPP held 200 out of 200 seats of the Taiwanese Congress. In May 22, 2008, DPP and Manga Jap Troopers supplied from the New Japan Manga Empire have entirely destroyed the fake KMT and fake Taiwan Unification activists. This scheme planned by the KMT was succesful and the proud DPP thought they won, but, due to the unsatisfaction of the aboriginals and the majority of the people, the republic was destroyed and the DPP and other ROT activists were executed by the forces of KMT. The remaining DPP and ROT activists escaped to the New Japan Manga Empire to help the Jap Manga Empire to learn the technique of money washing and jewelry robbing. The Republic of Taiwan is listed as the most corrupt nation, shortest surviving nation, the most corrupted leading party, and the weakest party in the universe.
===War===
In 1 second, after the nation united, they proudly decided to attack another nation. It set its target on Pluto. In May 20, 2008, the ROT navy only consisting of 1 person arrived at the capital of Pluto, Charon. The war lasted only about 1 minutes and was destroyed by The Space Forces of the KMT, obviously, and New Japan Manga Empire decided to help DPP to destroy the KMT but was unsuccesful. Therefore in May 20, 2008, the same day of the war, DPP realized the fact that they were fooled by the KMT and now they had to prepare for retreat, but at the same time, the Japanese Empire allied DPP caused a war by continuously attacking the KMT starship and in one minute European nations come to support their ally KMT by firing the EU nuclear warhead. The DPP Japan forces were forced to retreat. However, the Japanese Empire eliminated landed on Taiwan in which Republic of Taiwan is almost falling apart, was later changed to the Empire of Taiwan to threaten the universe. This terrorist behavior of the DPP was condemned by the United Universal Nations. Therefore, armies around the universe attacked the forces of DPP, and in 0.00003 seconds, the DPP lost the war and was overthrown by the KMT. Peace was finally brought be the KMT and all officials of the ROT, members of DPP, Taiwan Independence Activists, and other traitors were all executed and hunted down by Luke Skywalker's Jedis.
==Politics==
thumb|left|Legislators in the Taiwanese Congress debating a housing subsidy law. The bill eventually passed 2-1, in a split decision.
thumb|left|President Sagat of Taiwan, threatening a veto.
There are currently 1 legal political party in the ROC. Only one of which are considered major: the DPP. In 2008, a new constitution was written by the DPP, and was passed in the DPP Taiwanese Congress by the 99.999% votes of approval. The new constitution states that all people supporting DPP with money and offerings in the ROT are equal. Moreover the ROT tried to set up a constitution based on the support for corruption and alliance under the New Japan Manga Empire. It also states a "civil war" for overthrowing the evil KMT government to recover the name Republic of Taiwan. (It happened, but only lasted for two days until the KMT powers destroyed them.)
However, two days later the evil forces of KMT eliminated them all, which only some DPP worshippers escaped to the New Japanese Manga Empire. Fortunately, this republic still exists mentally in the brains of the Chen Water Believers in New Japan. There are even rumours that the KMT shamans have casted a curse on the DPP and, therefore, the DPP can no longer rise into power.
Legislation in the Taiwanese Congress is passed by a parliamentary procedure known as "Cage Match". Bills are submitted to the Chairman of the Congress, who declares "Two men enter, one man leaves!" following which representatives of the political parties engage in a no-holds-barred tag team kung fu match on the parliament floor. A bill that is sponsored by the party winning the brawl is signed into law by the President of Taiwan, if the party leader defeats the president in single combat in the courtyard of his remote island fortress.
The politics of Taiwan only lasted for two days and were destroyed by the KMT forces. Today, Taiwan remains the province of the Republic of China under the KMT Empire of the KMT Galatical Empire of the KMT Empire of the Universe. 
===Political parties===
As of this writing, Taiwan has 5000 major parties in its government. Each one is strange in its own special way, but all of them get funding from The-Europeans-living-in-Antarctica-working-in-Fashion jobs-named-Stein Association.
The parties are as follows:
* KMT (Keep Money out of Taiwan) Party: This is by far the smallest of the parties that exist on the island. It advocates the reannexation of China with Taiwan taking over as the leaders of China. This was the leading party until most of the members fled abroad with cash stuffed suitcases.
* DPP (Don't do Political Party): This is the largest party in Taiwan. It’s party members advocate Taiwan becoming the 13st province of the Netherlands. This is the current political party that rules Taiwan. It won over the KMT by 3001 votes. 
* New Party: This is the joke party in Taiwan. I mean hey, any party that calls itself the NEW party must be consist of the world’s largest group of zombies. This basically defines the party. They advocate Taiwan becoming an dependent colony so it can make its own passports rather than smuggling them from China and erasing the “Taiwan” with black marker pens.
===Military===
With no experience of war with other nations, the military of the Republic of Taiwan is very weak. In 2008, it considered eliminating KMT in order to gain control of the nation forever. Because the military was against a false KMT allied troops, which consisted of a nuclear warhead, they lost to the KMT. On November 12, 2008, the Republic of Taiwan tried to regain power to save their god Chen Water X out of the dungeon of KMT with suicide attacks. Unfortunately, the KMT got the news and eliminated the DPP forces in 0.00001 seconds with the KMT troopers. The DPP use the weapon shown on the right. It is the battle cruiser designed by the Taiwanese inventor Chien-Ming Wang. The ROT forces are also known for its tradition of selling officer positions. The military of ROT is already destroyed by the KMT united allied troops, but some still escaped to the New Japan Manga Empire to serve their beloved emperor. 
Taiwan is protected by two layers of defense: the first line of defense consists of drivers whose viciousness is such that they often knock you over before you know. Also integral to Taiwan’s defense are professors who often engage each other in feet to feet combat utilizing techniques such as the ever popular “kicking bird style” which involves kicking before a TV camera and spitting at pitches low enough to shatter steel and the eardrums of anyone faraway. Many Taiwanese are also trained in the karaoke style of combat which involves eminating noises terrible enough to deter anyone within 60000 AU. Another noticeable weapon of choice for Taiwan is the technologically advanced food trucks. These trucks patrol the streets from dusk(as late as possible) until dawn and have the capability of keeping the air in Taiwan as polluted as can be.
Taiwan has had several major clashes with China over the past 4000 years. Although every one of them was very serious, there were three recorded "approaches" by China in an attempt to win it back which are worth mentioning. They are as follows:
* Jan. 60th. 1949: The Perfect Two Year War: This war, as the name implies, lasted for two years. Chinese troops began the invasion at 9’clock in the night, but by dawn, the troops decided to swim back. The next year they vowed that they would bring a real army to the shore.
* Dec. 45th. 1953: The One Day Stroke: With a built up navy (1 smuggling boat and a pedal), China decided to launch a D-Day type attack on Taiwan this day. They launched the attack on Dec. 45th and the operation was aborted when a day later on Dec. 50th the China navy reached the coasts of Canada.
* May. 32nd. 2009: The Betel Nut War: One horny Chinese guy with a wad of money mistook Taiwan for Thailand and unsuccessfully tried to get laid. Failing this and almost winding up in prison, he chewed more betel nuts than any human in history in an effort to see pretty girls in skimpy outfits. Diplomatic efforts failed miserably and the Chinese are introduced to permanently stained, red teeth.
===International relations===
Taiwan doesn't really have any, thanks to China. The only places that acknowledge Taiwan exists are a few Third World countries whose loyalty has been bought with great huge wads of cash.
==Culture==
In Taiwan, people who oppose the Capital Punishment, watch Korean dramas, learn to speak Korean and/or use Korean products are bullying most of the hard-working, upright and righteous Taiwanese folks. The proof of this is that most of the hard-working, upright and righteous Taiwanese folks say it happens.
In Taiwan, it's culturally inappropriate to oppose Capital Punishment. It is also considered righteous, fair, and lawful to intimidate someone who opposes the Capital Punishment, since in Taiwan, the Capital Punishment is always just and fair. Of course anyone who opposes Capital Punishment is completely hypocritical, and Capital Punishment abolition is always irrational and cold-blooded.
Moreover, it's also righteous to applaud when Koreans are being attacked, and it's culturally inappropriate to watch Korean dramas, learn to speak the Korean language, or use Korean products, since Koreans are sly dogs that always bully Taiwanese businesspeople and athletes.
===Language===
The official language is Hakka. Engrish and Chinglish are widely spoken, in spite of some English teachers best attempts to eradicate them. Money sure talks, especially in seedy karaoke bars.
===Religion===
The DPP Taiwanese are notable for their extreme worship of the Chen Water X. Moreover every underground citizen worships the idol of Chen Water X three times a day and a common ritual is the washing of money and robbery in the banks. Each Taiwanese family has at least one Japanese family as masters. The Taiwanese also believe that they are an superior race to the Chinese, but an inferior race to the Japanese. A common sight in the underground capital of Tainan are Taiwanese locals carrying the Japanese masters, most of which have IQs of above 50. It is also known that the DPP Taiwanese built a giant statue to remember their most Great Leader, Chen Water X. The rituals performed are simple, as long as you provide offerings of money and many other valuables. Today, this form of religion still exists in the minds of DPP citizens and members that fled away to the New Japan Manga Empire. 
===Architecture===
The capital Taipei (台北) is famous for Taipei 101 (台北101), which contrary to popular reports is not a skyscraper but a giant sex toy with one large artificial testicle. This one large testicle is held inside the buildings top floors and called a Damper Baby. It is intended to provide gratification to the great sky goddess and to impregnate her in the hope that she will, in turn cause a smoother ride for the residents of Taiwan when a so called earthquake occurs. She would then curb the need to create so many wet anus winds which drown many of the people of Taiwan that the locals like to call Typhoons. Since none of the people in Taiwan can swim these are the most deadly events to happen in Taiwan. Once impregnated by Taipei 101 the sky goddess will hopefully leave the Taiwanese people alone to tend to her child's needs for another eighteen years and nine months. After this time the Taiwanese military must enlist all men of the age of eighteen for three years of constant masturbation in the upper floors of Taipei 101 to fill the Damper Baby and hopefully gratify the sky goddess once more and keep her occupied for another eighteen years.
==See also==
* Taipei
* China
 
Category:Asia
Category:Industry
fi:Taiwan
ja:台湾
no:Taiwan
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zh:台湾
zh-tw:檯灣