Run Escape: Drainletics

Hello, my name's Derek, otherwise known as 'Prolong'. I've been a fan of Run Escape since before I was conceived and still in a ballsack. I'm not sure why this medieval cookie-clicker always appeals to me, as if something primordial always lurked behind it. I presumed this was a bug and kept playing. I'm currently 33-years old, and I've even been invited Run-Fests, since I create content about the game in YouPoop.com with my hit series 'Drainletics'. 
This game may have had some questionable updates, it may even have done my mum and dud at the same time, but I still loved the game regardless. With my Hypercam Unregistered Trademark 2, I began to make another bajillionth hour episode for my content series. Of course, I took the liberties to accept every sponsorship to support my derangemen- I mean love for this game. I may have even.. Touched myself. I presumed it was a bug though, and kept recording the episode. 
"Whaaat's up my gaymers, my name's Prolong, and today we're making the neinty-neinth episode of Drainletics about focusing the progress on clicking this random hyper-realistic pixel to gain about 69XP per hour, for about 2147 hours, divided by 73, plus 7700 dollars and 64 cents." I said with the same enthusiastic tone, with the hint of regret for wasting years of my life. As is anybody else dumb- Motivated and brilliant players encouraged enough to become 'special' for this clearly healthy lifestyle, like my mum used to say to me.
"We're also going to totally not make up some arbitrary goal, of arbitrary narrative of this arbitrary 1347-year old video game for the PS3, in which those arbitrary primordial game developers clearly did not arbitrarily intent to play."
After sitting at my computer for about 168 hours a week, and occasionally letting my granny out of her cage to make """progress""", making sure to record each and every pixel for the series, I was ready to hit upload. After waiting billion years with exporting, editing and getting: Retreat: Light Losers sponsorship, I felt another rush of dopamine. But more importantly, I received another check from Jamflex, along with the other sponsorship payments. 
"Perhaps I should take that sponsorship from Yodacucks-... Wait a minute." I paused for a brief moment, seeing something that I Slightly Disliked. An exporting error.
Before I could do anything, I hid in the piles of monopoly money, as not only did the video upload fail, but the entire computer began to hyper-realistically explode! White and red fluids flew everywhere from the monitor and screen (which some of it felt sticky), before a moment of silence came. 
"Oh no, no, no..." I was devastated, worried that my PS3 was damaged from the explosion. However, it seemingly wasn't spared from this Terrible Fate, as the console was covered in white and didn't seem to turn on.
"Oh great, now my Run Escape save file is gone and my account is ruined." I said, bit peeved off after putting 50 years of progress into my snowflake account. Oh well, I could just play it off that I died from stupid reason and had to restart everything. That just means more money from those juicy sponsorships, I thought to myself.
Later that day, I went to a local GameStop in Siberia to go look for the last copy of Run Escape and another non-jizzed PS3. I eventually came up to the 100-feet meter tall shelf, I found it. However something was bit strange about the cover of the game, the logo was oozing hyper-realistic blood, which came from the title screen logo of Run Escape, along with a spooky skeleton on the box art below it, playing hyper-realistic dice game with a middle aged man. 
I thought nothing of it, and continued playing the game. I was about to leave the store without paying, before I noticed, using my backwards-peripheral vision, a blue-robed, old man wearing a strange blue paper hat over head was standing in the corner of the store, with his white beard shining non-realistically. 
"Oh, you can take that game for free. It's totally not haunted, a rom hack or anything like that." Said the old, seemingly Wise Man. He kind of sounded like the guy Gandalf from the Avatar, the Last Chairbender game.
"Screw you, I wasn't going to pay for this shit anyway." I said and ran off back to my home in Florida.
After passing by some weird Black Mask (9) wearing 14-year old kid in my house, I went downstairs to my basement and excitedly ran like a school girl down to boot up my favorite addiction simulator- I mean Run Escape.
The game seemed to play the intro like normal, with loads of red and white hyper-realistic blood, satanic pentagrams and most scary of all, bots advertising about Yodacuck subreddit. Hmm, maybe I could save time by asking one of their sweatshop workers in Venezuela-identifying Britbong land to play my account, however I couldn't be bothered. Also you should never trust british 'people'.
I made a new save file for Run Escape and began to boot up my recording software, thinking for another totally original series to waste my entire lifetime endlessly. Along with me recording the entire process, using totally legit methods of this totally legit playstyle to restrict myself in the torture chamber known as Wintertodt for the next gajillion years, with level 1 Sexlore and stats to boot. It hurt so much, but it felt so good.
However, before I could begin clicking more pixels with my homeless-looking, Shaggy-wannabe character, I was suddenly teleported in-game. The hyper-realistic pink orb expanded around my character and shrunk itself, killing my character very bloodily and re-materializing character somewhere else. 
"Huh? What just happened?" I shouted non-aggressively, wondering as how I was teleported with just level 1 EvilMagic. Before I could over-explain the basics of the game to my audience for the millionth time, I finally noticed that I was in Morytania, the place where my original snowflake series began.
I was beginning to get emotional and really spooked over those pixels man, letting out bloody tears from my eyes of being reminded of my Loss. Though before I could get side-tracked again, I began to take closer look of my surroundings, I was in Canifis, with totally normal, human citizens walking around my character. The NPCs of the game, like them, took the form of piss-colored dots on the minimap, however I could notice with the corner of my nostrils, a white, sticky dot seemed to be nearby and then walked away. Because of how far they were to my character, I couldn't get a good look at them at the Overworld. However, a white dot usually meant that another player was nearby, or a psychopath. Hard to tell.
I stopped recording my series for a brief moment and thought to myself. "Should I just go back to where I was, or just quit playing this game?" ... HAH! Of course, what do you expect of Creepypasta protagonists? To act rationally? The only thing they'll rationalize is their piss.
So I kept playing the game and the curiosity got the better of me, walking towards my imminent doom, with reckless abandonment. I followed the white dot, going through the Mort Myre swamp, into the Haunted Coal Mines. It seemed to be pretty strange though, as there were no Ghasts or other enemies around like usual to rot my crotch, like usual. Though the usual lava pools, explosions and hyper-realistic blood was normal part of the game.
At the end of my trail, I finally came face-to-face to the mysterious player. However I was le shocked, in the other side of some mine cart, near the anus' entrance, what I saw, changed my entire life. It was... ME! 
"Hello Dryletics, or should I say, Derekletics." Said the mysterious players, it looked EXACTLY like my Dryletics characters, except it had pitch black eyes, pink speckles for eyes and tears of hyper-realistic blood.
"Wait, how'd you know my real life name? And more importantly, why do you look exactly like Dryletics?" I said, quite concerned as to how it was possible he could make my character look exactly like me.
"Because.. Because.. BECAUSE, I AM DRYLETICS!" The player said back to me, as dramatic thunder and piano played in the background. Wait, that can't be.. Then, if he's Dryletics, then what am I?
I then looked at the mirror, going past the Black Mask wearing kid like usual, which somehow was inside my home and then looked into the mirror. In the mirror, I saw.. A Black Mask(10) in front of my face!? And the words, written in blood appeared before me.
"YOU CAN'T RUN or ESCAPE!"
The End
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Vidya games