My Dick Is Haunted 6

I'm sorry for not updating earlier. A lot of scary stuff happened after Shelly saw me standing in her room, naked and as hard as a differential geometry test. She clearly had never seen a ghost before, given how spooked she was. After she screamed for help, her dad ran into the room.
"I'm not afraid of you, you spooky asshole! I've dealt with hundreds of ghosts before. I know the source of your power is in your dick. And I'm going to suck it right out of you!"
"Will that kill him?"
"No, but his powers will vanish until he can get hard again."
I laughed a spooky laugh. "Hah! You think that can stop me? Think again, you puny human! And- wait... I have powers? Like, what kinds of powers?"
"Don't act like you don't know! You can fly! You can walk through walls! You can shape-shift!"
"Shape-shift... you mean I transform into another person?"
"Of course! And you know that! Stop playing dumb, you fucking ghost douchebag!"
Dude... fucking sweet. I was looking forward to it earlier, but now that I knew about my kickass ghost powers, there was no way I was gonna let Shelly's dad suck my dick.
I couldn't decide which power to use. But then it hit me like John Lennon. It was a moment of spooky inspiration. I had to transform into Shelly's dad.
shoopshoopthwermashoopityshippitybabamamwa (that was the sound of me turning into him)
I was his perfect doppelganger. Same clothes, same haircut, same everything. Shelly became even more spooked than before. She grabbed a sawed-off shotgun from under her bed and pointed it at us.
Fuck.
"How am I supposed to know which one of you is really my dad?" she screamed.
"Shelly, are you fucking kidding me? You literally just saw him shape-shift into me."
"Shut up, dad, or... whatever the fuck you are! I'm gonna ask you one more fucking time... how do I know which one of you isn't the ghost?"
Her dad tried his best to alleviate her unexpected craziness. "Just calm down and ask us a question that only your real dad would know the answer to."
"Ok, ok... um... what day is my birthday?"
We said it at the exact same time. "October 3rd, 1995."
I was so fucking glad I'd been stalking her on Facebook for months.
"That must have been a coincidence, Shelly. Ask us something else."
"Where did I go on vacation last month?"
He hesitated. "You... well, you told us you were going to some island with your friends, and... um..."
I knew exactly what to say. "You and three best friends - Angela, Trisha, and Stacie - drove to the Miami airport and took flight 317 to Kingston, Jamaica. The plane arrived at 8:15 PM. You spent tons of time at the beach. And you took some awesome bikini pics."
Shelly looked relieved. "That sounds exactly like what my dad would say. You have to be him." She pointed the gun at him. Now eat lead, you spooky motherfucker!"
She pulled the trigger and blew his head off.
So, that was the end of that. I've been pretending to be her dad for the last few days. I don't know how long I can keep doing this. Maybe I'll tell her I'm going to the store to get a pack of cigarettes and never come back? Please help me, guys. Give me some ideas.
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Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep