Golden Mushroom Awards

The Golden Mushroom Awards were voted awards for fanfiction in the Lord of the Rings fandom that ran 2003, 2004, and 2005. The awards were hosted on the West of the Moon archive. The awards' self-described purpose was "to promote companionship among the authors and readers of hobbit fanfiction--by allowing us to poke a little fun at ourselves!" On the awards' unusual categories, the site said: 
The awards were divided into General Awards and Adult Awards. Concession and acceptance speeches from nominees were encouraged.
==2003==
===2003 General Awards===
2003 General Awards Speeches
Boil Vey Award — most unusual symptom
* Winner: Recaptured by Llinos
* Runner-up: Serendipity by Cassiopeia 
* Nominee: Betwixt Stone and Tree by Elwen
* Nominee: Council Taken by Elwen
* Nominee: Smoke and Mirrors by Lovethosehobbits
Best Invented Disease (thatfrodocatchesinfiveseconds)
* Winner: Quarantined by Shirebound
* Runner-up: I Always Know You by Baylor
* Nominee: Betwixt Stone and Tree by Elwen
* Nominee: Reunion in Cormallen by Shirebound
* Nominee: Pat, Pat, Pat by Singe Addams
Best Retch
* Winner: The Bedside Reflections of Bell Gamgee by Oselle
* Runner-up: A Little Affliction by Lily Baggins
* Nominee: A Sick Frodo Fic? by Elwen
* Nominee: The Pine-Woods Excursion by Lily Baggins
* Nominee: Moving On by Elwen
Best Crybaby
* Winner: The Code of the Brandybucks by Lobelia Sackville-Baggins
* Runner-up: Frodo Gets a New Look by Karadin
* Nominee: Dead Secret by Adrienne
* Nominee: And Left the Tenderness of Tears by Lurea
* Nominee: Fairer Than Most (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Engagements, Trying) by Adrienne
Best Drama Queen
* Winner: Rain by Lobelia Sackville-Baggins
* Runner-up: Another Way of Leaving by Jodancingtree
* Runner-up: The Code of the Brandybucks by Lobelia Sackville-Baggins
* Nominee: Fairer Than Most (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Engagements, Trying) by Adrienne
* Nominee: Frodo Chatterly's Lover by Random Dent
Best Damsel in Distress — this does not necessarily have to be female…
* Winner: The Claiming of the Ring by Europanya
* Winner: Avalanche by Shirebound
* Runner-up: An Awkward Position by Lobelia Sackville-Baggins 
* Nominee: Fairer Than Most: Into His Own by Adrienne
* Nominee: Now Are Frolic by Adrienne and Thia
Best Hobbitsicle — hobbits are a dish best served cold
* Winner: The Care and Feeding of Hobbits by Baylor
* Runner-up: Hobbits on Ice by Teasel
* Nominee: Avalanche by Shirebound
* Nominee: The Warming Lesson by Briefly Del
* Nominee: Winter by Hope
Best Hobbit Wino — “when elven eyes are smiling…*hiccup*”
* Winner: Of Dwavish Ale and Battle Scars by Aratlithiel
* Runner-up: Recaptured - chapter 19 part II by Llinos
* Nominee: Symbiosis by Willow-wode
* Nominee: The Hole Dwellers by Polecat
* Nominee: Of Dwarvish Ale and the Fairer Sex by Ariel
Best Abuse of a Controlled Substance — "Pippin, where DID you get these mushrooms!?"
* Winner: Recaptured by Llinos
* Runner-up: Bagenders: Random Slashy Interlude II: Peregrin Took Strikes Back! by Lady Alyssa & Random Flatmate
* Nominee: The Drunkard of Bag End by Jodancingtree
* Nominee: The Code of the Brandybucks by Lobelia Sackville-Baggins
* Nominee: Of Dwavish Ale and Battle Scars by Aratlithiel
Most Inappropriate Use of Human/Elf/Dwarf
* Winner: Frodo Hill - Letter the Fifth by Teasel
* Runner-up: The Claiming of the Ring Pt. 2 by Europanya
* Nominee: Debbie Does the Fellowship by GypsieRose
Best Lost In Rivendell — are we there yet?
(Fics where the characters spend an inordinate amount of time in a particular location: Bree, Rivendell, Minas Tirith, etc.)
* Winner: Trapped in Bree by Claudia
* Runner-up: Recovery in Rivendell by Budgielover
* Nominee: Ring Around the Merry by Aelfgifu
* Nominee: Some Nameless Place by Budgielover
* Nominee: Interlude at Imladris by Elwen
Best Abuse of Culinary Arts — does the book really say that Frodo can't cook?
(Stories where a hobbit’s cooking skills are grossly maligned. It’s likely to be Frodo, but it certainly doesn’t have to be.)
* Winner: Bagenders: Episode 15: The Fellowship Goes West by Lady Alyssa & Random Flatmate
* Runner-up: Heat by KayRey
* Nominee: The Cooking Conspiracy by Murron and Eretria
* Nominee: True Love: Awakening by Keye Goodenough
Best Use of Rosie
* Winner: Pretty Good Year by Mary Borsellino
* Runner-up: Sam's Rose by Jodancingtree
* Runner-up: Autumn's Requiem by Ariel and Aratlithiel
* Nominee: Blindfold by Singe Addams
* Nominee: In the Grey Twilight by Heidi Gamgee 
Honourable Marlin Perkins Award — Wild Kingdom
(Fics that make the most interesting or outrageous use of animals.)
* Winner: Moria's Revenge by Kookaburra and Llinos
* Runner-up: Frodo Hill by Teasel 
* Nominee: Little Bird by Murron
* Nominee: The Rut by Ariel
* Nominee: On the Wings of Eagles by Aratlithiel
Best Vacation from Canon
* Winner: The Cybersex Lives of Hobbits by Fennelseed
* Runner-up: Bagenders by Lady Alyssa & Random Flatmate
* Nominee: Legacy by Anglachel
* Nominee: Ring Around the Merry by Aelfgifu
* Nominee: Debbie Does the Fellowship by GypsieRose
Best Use of Flame Outside of Mt. Doom
* Winner: Some Nameless Place by Budgielover
* Runner-up: The Making of Samwise: Chapter 28: Helping Hands by Bill the Pony
* Nominee: Nocturnal Admissions by Fennelseed
* Nominee: The Fellowship of the Ring: LotR: Breadbox Edition by Evadne
Most Dramatic Use of Drowning (or Near Drowning)
* Winner: Rites of Passage Chapter 23 by Willow-wode
* Runner-up: Ring Around the Merry Chapter 30 by Aelfgifu
* Nominee: Brandywine by Mainframe
* Nominee: October Reckoning by Willow-wode
* Nominee: Let Evening Come: The Invitation by Frayach Ni Cuill Golden Mushrooms General Awards 2003, Accessed 20 June 2019.
===2003 Adult Awards===
2003 Adult Awards Speeches
Best Visit by Mrs Palm and her Five Daughters — self-familiarity at its finest
* Winner: Lessons in Maturity by Fennelseed
* Runner-up: Falling into the Sky by Elanor Gardner
* Nominee: Nexus by Willow-wode
* Nominee: Nocturnal Admissions by Fennelseed
* Nominee: An Impatient Week Ch. 5 Hensday: Rain by Cassiopeia
Most Ingenious Sacrifice of Clothing — the unsubtle Art of the strip tease
* Winner: The Hole Dwellers by Polecat
* Runner-up: An Ordinary Evening by Europanya
* Nominee: Translations by Lobelia Sackville-Baggins
* Nominee: Layers by Eldalieva
* Nominee: Nexus by Willow-wode
Best Hobbit Origami — or, I didn't know that legs could BEND that way!
* Winner: Symbiosis by Willow-wode
* Runner-up: The Code of the Brandybucks by Lobelia Sackville-Baggins
* Nominee: Lying In Bed by Teasel
* Nominee: Lullaby by Lobelia Sackville-Baggins
* Nominee: An Awkward Position by Lobelia Sackville-Baggins
Best Peep Show — for those who get off on looking on
* Winner: An Awkward Position by Lobelia Sackville-Baggins
* Runner-up: Never let him out of your sight by Fennelseed
* Nominee: Nexus by Willow-wode
* Nominee: The Field by Singe Addams
* Nominee: An Honest Man of Gondor by Lullenny
Best Stress Test on Non-Bedroom Furniture — you're gonna WIPE that table after you're done, right?
* Winner: Before Breakfast by Elanor Gardner
* Runner-up: Rites of Passage - Chapter 20 by Willow-wode
* Nominee: A Gleaming Pearl - Part 7 by Xenobia
* Nominee: Bag End's Bane by Adrienne and Cara Loup
* Nominee: A Gardener's Plot by Ghyste
Best Tongue-Twister — need we explain?
* Winner: The Code of the Brandybucks by Lobelia Sackville-Baggins
* Runner-up: Lying In Bed by Teasel
* Nominee: Lullaby by Lobelia Sackville-Baggins
* Nominee: Before Breakfast by Elanor Gardner
* Nominee: A New Conspiracy by Princess of Geekland
Best Hobbitpile — the more, the Merryer!
* Winner: Foolish Games by Bill the Pony
* Runner-up: Symbiosis by Willow-wode
* Nominee: The Field by Singe Addams
* Nominee: A New Conspiracy by Princess of Geekland
* Nominee: The Code of the Brandybucks: Part 1 by Lobelia Sackville-Baggins
Best Slip 'n Slide — creative use and style of lubricant
* Winner: Tea & Lavender by Bill the Pony
* Runner-up: Rites of Passage - Chapter 20 by Willow-wode
* Nominee: Glow Even Brighter by Fennelseed
* Nominee: Heat by KayRey
* Nominee: Rain by Lobelia Sackville-Baggins
Best Chick!Frodo — does Frodo buy his lavender water from Crabtree & Evelyn?
* Winner: Now Are Frolic by Adrienne and Thia
* Runner-up: An Ordinary Evening by Europanya
* Nominee: Fairer Than Most by Adrienne
Most Frustrating Fade to Black — but I’ve been waiting the whole fic just to SEE this part! WAH!!!
* Winner: The Making of Samwise by Bill the Pony
* Runner-up: Heat Wave by Teasel 
* Nominee: Casting Off the Scarf by Briefly Del
* Nominee: Heat by KayRey
* Nominee: And Like the Horizon by Briefly Del
Most Creative Use of Vegetables — I didn't think you could DO that with a carrot!
(Fics exhibiting the most creative or outrageous use of any food product.)
* Winner: The Two Prettiest by Fennelseed
* Runner-up: Recovery in Rivendell by Budgielover
* Nominee: Gooseberry Crumble by Sunrope
* Nominee: Practicality by Adrienne
* Nominee: Nocturnal Admissions by Fennelseed
Best Wet 'n Wild — hobbits are slippery when wet and it’s better so…
(Fics involving hobbits and water. Ahem.)
* Winner: Rights of passage - Chapter 18 by Willow-wode
* Runner-up: Glow Even Brighter by Fennelseed
* Nominee: The Code of the Brandybucks by Lobelia Sackville-Baggins
* Nominee: Heat Wave by Teasel 
* Nominee: The Grotto by Ariel
The "I'm in the Mood for Love" Award — you want to do that WHERE!?
(Fics where consummation takes place in the most creative location)
* Winner: Diversions by Lobelia Sackville-Baggins
* Runner-up: Quietly by Fennelseed
* Nominee: Yuletide In Buckland by Elderberry Wine
* Nominee: Touch Light by Willow-wode
* Nominee: On The Eastern Shore by Europanya
The Tie-Me-Up Tie-Me-Down Award — excellence in light hobbit bondage
* Winner: Cuffed by Fennelseed
* Runner-up: Art Nouveau by Willow-wode
* Nominee: A Fallen Candle's Flame by Europanya
* Nominee: Blinded by Thia
* Nominee: Bondage by Ariel
The Honorary Frodo Award: Damn, he really IS a screamer, isn't he?
(Fics where a hobbit achieves excellence in vocal appreciation of his current situation.)
* Winner: Rain by Lobelia Sackville-Baggins
* Runner-up: A Gardener's Plot by Ghyste
* Runner-up: Rites of Passage - Chapter 20 by Willow-wode
* Nominee: At Play in Rivendell by Stranger
* Nominee: Translations by Lobelia Sackville-Baggins
The Honorary Sam Award: Coming, Sir!
(Fics in where a hobbit achieves excellence in climax, otherwise known as the best orgasm award.)
* Winner: Nocturnal Admissions by Fennelseed
* Runner-up: All That I Had - Chapter 4: Standing Still by Elenya
* Nominee: The Code of the Brandybucks by Lobelia Sackville-Baggins
* Nominee: The Last Shreds of Autumn by Merripestin
* Nominee: Translations by Lobelia Sackville-Baggins Golden Mushrooms Adult Awards 2003, Accessed 21 June 2019.
==2004==
2004 Awards Speeches
===2004 General Awards===
Boil Vey Award — most unusual symptom
* Winner: Mind To Mind by Shirebound
* Runner-up: Sick Day by Calligraphy 
* Nominee: Naked Dancing Hobbits by Piplover
* Nominee: Playing Doctor by Fennelseed
* Nominee: And This... by Willow-wode 
Best Invented Disease (thatfrodocatchesinfiveseconds)
* Winner: Betwixt Stone and Tree by Elwen
* Runner-up: Sick Day by Calligraphy 
* Nominee: Go To Sleep by Piplover
* Nominee: Snowball Fight, Chapter 15 by Budgielover
* Nominee: Special Medicine by Cassiopeia
Best Retch
* Winner: A Careful Wishing by Tiriel 
* Runner-up: The Memory of Taste, Chapter 3 by Febobe 
* Nominee: Peregrins and Pendulums by Budgielover
* Nominee: Betwixt Stone and Tree by Elwen
* Nominee: The Pine-Woods Excursion by Lily Baggins
Best Crybaby
* Winner: All That I Had by Elenya
* Runner-up: The Taste of Strawberries by Febobe 
* Nominee: The Ringbearer and the Rose by Rabidsamfan
* Nominee: Mercy by ConnieMarie 
* Nominee: Strange Fruit by Semyaza 
Best Drama Queen
* Winner: Divarications by Lobelia Sackville-Baggins 
* Runner-up: The Night Season by Achillea Millefolium
* Nominee: Kindred Spirits by Elanor Gardner 
* Nominee: To the Sea by Gentlehobbit
* Nominee: The Crossing by Dien Alcyone
Best Damsel in Distress — this does not necessarily have to be female…
* Winner: Devoted by Mariole
* Runner-up: Recaptured, Chapter 119-latest by Llinos 
* Nominee: Ice Storm by Notabluemaia
* Nominee: Far from Good, Chapter 3 by Claudia
* Nominee: Hebel by Elanor Gardner
Best Hobbitsicle — hobbits are a dish best served cold
* Winner: Snowblind by Europanya
* Runner-up: Caradhras by Febobe
* Nominee: Recaptured, Chapter 101 by Llinos
* Nominee: Snowball Fight by Budgielover
* Nominee: The Warming Lesson by Briefly Del 
Best Hobbit Wino — “when elven eyes are smiling…*hiccup*”
* Winner: Of Dwarvish Ale and the Fairer Sex by Ariel 
* Runner-up: A Careful Wishing by Tiriel 
* Nominee: Tipsy Hours by Kathryn Ramage
* Nominee: The Drunkard of Bag End by Jodancingtree
* Nominee: Hiding from Daylight by Mariposa
Best Abuse of a Controlled Substance — "Pippin, where DID you get these mushrooms!?"
* Winner: Pipe Dreams by Willow-wode 
* Runner-up: Awakening to Sleep by Piplover
* Nominee: A Certain Truth by Gullygilly
* Nominee: Smoke and Mirrors by Lovethosehobbits
* Nominee: Samwise Gamgee's Confession by Peachy
Most Inappropriate Use of Human/Elf/Dwarf
* Winner: Small Packages by Ghyste 
* Runner-up: Pippin's Patent Remedies, Chapter 2 by Melilot Hill and Llinos
* Nominee: A Merry Meeting by Citrine
* Nominee: a Bit of Fun by Budgielover
* Nominee: The Forest Has Eyes by Budgielover
Best Lost In Rivendell — are we there yet?
(Fics where the characters spend an inordinate amount of time in a particular location: Bree, Rivendell, Minas Tirith, etc.)
* Winner: Following the Other Wizard by Jodancingtree 
* Runner-up: Some Nameless Place by Budgielover 
* Nominee: Ring Around the Merry by Aelfgifu
* Nominee: Mind To Mind by Shirebound
* Nominee: Moria's Revenge by Kookaburra and Llinos
Best Abuse of Culinary Arts — does the book really say that Frodo can't cook?
(Stories where a hobbit’s cooking skills are grossly maligned. It’s likely to be Frodo, but it certainly doesn’t have to be.)
* Winner: Home Cooking Hobbit Style by Budgielover 
* Runner-up: Cabbages and Potatoes? by Tiriel 
* Nominee: The Cooking Conspiracy by Murron and Eretria
* Nominee: Moria's Revenge by Kookaburra and Llinos
* Nominee: Rites of Passage, Bag End, Chapter 7 by Willow-wode 
Best Use of Rosie
* Winner: All That I Had by Elenya
* Runner-up: Festival Dancing by Ruby Nye 
* Nominee: Hare and Hounds by Bill the Pony
* Nominee: The Ringbearer and the Rose by Rabidsamfan
* Nominee: I'll Have No More of It by Serai 
Honourable Marlin Perkins Award — Wild Kingdom
(Fics that make the most interesting or outrageous use of animals.)
* Winner: Following the Other Wizard by Jodancingtree
* Runner-up: The Baker's Wife by Polecat
* Nominee: Recaptured, Chapter 119-latest by Llinos
* Nominee: The Goat from Bree by Lullenny 
* Nominee: When in Gondor... by Aratlithiel
Best Vacation from Canon
* Winner: The Very Secret Diaries by Cassandra Claire
* Runner-up: Some Dreams Never Change by Aina 
* Nominee: Fro White by Mallorn Gamgee 
* Nominee: Supply and Demand by Fennelseed 
* Nominee: A Yuletide Carol by Cassiopeia
Best Use of Flame Outside of Mt. Doom
* Winner: The Making of Samwise, Chapter 54, Fire Dance by Bill the Pony
* Runner-up: A Light in Dark Places by Anso the Hobbit
* Nominee: Five Elements 2:Fire by Cara Loup
* Nominee: Candles by Eretria
* Nominee: Nocturnal Admissions by Fennelseed 
 
Most Dramatic Use of Drowning (or Near Drowning)
* Winner: Bitter as Willow by Nickey 
* Runner-up: Across the Waters by Oselle
* Nominee: Watch Every Shadow by Anso the Hobbit
* Nominee: A Tale that Grew in the Telling by Gamgeefest
* Nominee: Following the Other Wizard, Chapter 22 by Jodancingtree
Best Excuse for a Search Party—who lost Pippin THIS time?!
(Fics displaying the most unique misplacement of character(s).)
* Winner: Riding the Nightmare by Budgielover 
* Runner-up: Ice Storm by Notabluemaia
* Nominee: Moria's Revenge by Kookaburra and Llinos
* Nominee: Making of Samwise, Chapter 10, Passing by Bill the Pony
* Nominee: Spiderwebs by Lindelea
Best Rug Rat—in the nursery, no one can hear you scream…
(Fics tormented by the most mischievous young hobbit.)
* Winner: Mischief and Malcontents by Aratlithiel
* Runner-up: Rites of Passage, The Hall, Chapter 23 by Willow-wode 
* Nominee: Peregrins and Pendulums by Budgielover
* Nominee: The Early Adventures of Fwo and Unga Bee by cpsing4him
* Nominee: Spiderwebs by Lindelea
Best Candidate for Prozac — Frodo is never gonna make it through this one without happy pills!
(Fics in which a character is placed in the most angsty situation.)
* Winner: The Night Season by Achillea Millefolium
* Runner-up: A Valinor Trilogy (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3) by Europanya 
* Nominee: Recaptured, Chapter 119-latest by Llinos
* Nominee: At His Side by Mallorn Gamgee
* Nominee: A Dream in the Black Land by Serai 
 
The Eye of the Tiger Award — Do hobbits punch raw meat, or just make steak tartar?
(The fic with the best fight scene.)
* Winner: Rites of Passage, Bag End, Chapter 13 by Willow-wode 
* Runner-up: Orc Sign by Kit5
* Nominee: Making of Samwise, Chapter 49, Fisticuffs by Bill the Pony
* Nominee: Nigh on September by Aratlithiel and MBradford
* Nominee: River Stones by Jeodo Brandybuck
 
The Cue the Orchestra Award — “Ya know, author dear, we’re not elves. I’m just sayin’.”
(Please nominate fics that are begging for a conclusion.)
* Winner: Making of Samwise by Bill the Pony
* Runner-up: Recaptured by Llinos
* Nominee: Rites of Passage by Willow-wode 
* Nominee: The Claiming of the Ring by Europanya
* Nominee: A Second Darkness by Mordelhin Golden Mushrooms General Awards 2004, Accessed 21 June 2019.
===2004 Adult Awards===
Best Visit by Mrs Palm and her Five Daughters — self-familiarity at its finest
* Winner: The Planting Season by Trilliah
* Runner-up: All That I Had, Chapter 36 by Elenya
* Nominee: Private Practice by Mariposa
* Nominee: Devoted, Chapter 3 by Mariole
* Nominee: A Writer's Bane by Cassiopeia
Most Ingenious Sacrifice of Clothing — the unsubtle Art of the strip tease
* Winner: Wines, Vines, and Veils by Fennelseed
* Runner-up: Foolish Games by Bill the Pony
* Nominee: Hawt Chocolate by Singe Addams
* Nominee: Translations by Lobelia Sackville-Baggins
* Nominee: Over a Barrel by Melanie Athene
Best Hobbit Origami — or, I didn't know that legs could BEND that way!
* Winner: Nesting by Karadin
* Runner-up: Pipe Dreams by Willow-wode
* Nominee: Warm Like Sunlight by Danachan
* Nominee: A New Conspiracy by Princess of Geekland
* Nominee: At Play in Rivendell by Stranger
Best Peep Show — for those who get off on looking on
* Winner: Too Many Tooks, Part 3 by Mariole
* Runner-up: A Strange Ghost Indeed by Fennelseed
* Nominee: Private Practice by Mariposa
* Nominee: A Yuletide Carol by Cassiopeia
* Nominee: The Field by Singe Addams
Best Stress Test on Non-Bedroom Furniture — you're gonna WIPE that table after you're done, right?
* Winner: A Fallen Candle's Flame by Europanya
* Runner-up: The Library of Waking Dreams by Matilda Filch
* Nominee: Over a Barrel by Melanie Athene
* Nominee: Winning Hands by Peachy
* Nominee: Shall We Bang Against Your Surface or Mine? by Mariole
Best Tongue-Twister — need we explain?
* Winner: Truth Serum by Fennelseed
* Runner-up: An Unexpected Party by Bill the Pony
* Nominee: All That I Had, Chapter 17 by Elenya
* Nominee: Parlour Game by Achillea Millefolium
* Nominee: Mirror Images, Song by Notabluemaia
Best Hobbitpile — the more, the Merryer!
* Winner: It Was a Dark and Stormy Night... by Daffodil Bolger
* Runner-up: Squeak, Piggy, Squeak by Ruby Nye
* Nominee: Calm and Passion by Tigerlily Grubb
* Nominee: Tea Before the Fire by Danachan
* Nominee: Means of Persuasion by Lobelia Sackville-Baggins
Best Slip 'n Slide — creative use and style of lubricant
* Winner: Before Breakfast by Elanor Gardner
* Runner-up: Butter by Europanya
* Nominee: Wines, Vines, and Veils by Fennelseed
* Nominee: A Rose for my Love, Part 4 by Elderberry Wine
* Nominee: The Scouring of the Smial by Semyaza
Best Chick!Frodo — does Frodo buy his lavender water from Crabtree & Evelyn?
* Winner: Hare and Hounds by Bill the Pony
* Runner-up: The Fat Hobbit by Aina
* Nominee: Hare and Hounds by Bill the Pony
* Nominee: True Love Series by Keye Goodenough
* Nominee: The Scouring of the Smial by Semyaza
Most Frustrating Fade to Black — but I’ve been waiting the whole fic just to SEE this part! WAH!!!
* Winner: The Baker's Wife by Polecat
* Runner-up: Five Reasons by Mariposa
* Nominee: In the Garden by Aina
* Nominee: Bonding by Numbers by Claudia
* Nominee: Intractable by Elderberry Wine
Most Intriguing Foot Fetish — mmm…feet...
* Winner: The Baker's Wife by Polecat
* Runner-up: Filth by Claudia
* Nominee: Enfolded by Notabluemaia
* Nominee: Small Favors by Trilliah
Most Creative Use of Vegetables — I didn't think you could DO that with a carrot!
(Fics exhibiting the most creative or outrageous use of any food product.)
* Winner: Love and Lettuce, Actually! by Tiriel
* Runner-up: Whortleberries by Semyaza
* Nominee: Butter by Europanya
* Nominee: Strange Fruit by Semyaza 
* Nominee: Cabbages and Potatoes? by Tiriel
Best Wet 'n Wild — hobbits are slippery when wet and it’s better so…
(Fics involving hobbits and water. Ahem.)
* Winner: Rites of Passage, Bag End, Chapter 10 by Willow-wode
* Runner-up: The Code of the Brandybucks, Chapter 5 by Lobelia Sackville-Baggins
* Nominee: The Scouring of the Smial by Semyaza
* Nominee: Too Many Tooks, Part 1 by Mariole
* Nominee: Supply and Demand by Fennelseed
The "I'm in the Mood for Love" Award — you want to do that WHERE!?
(Fics where consummation takes place in the most creative location.)
* Winner: Magic and Mischief by Bill the Pony
* Runner-up: Rites of Passage, Bag End, Chapter 10 by Willow-wode
* Nominee: Ready or Not by Aina
* Nominee: Cold Be Hand by Nickey
* Nominee: The Library of Waking Dreams by Matilda Filch
The Tie-Me-Up Tie-Me-Down Award — excellence in light hobbit bondage
* Winner: Be Careful What You Wish For... by Daffodil Bolger
* Runner-up: A Fallen Candle's Flame by Europanya
* Nominee: Wines, Vines, and Veils by Fennelseed
* Nominee: Too Many Tooks by Mariole
* Nominee: Of Ropes and Knots by Fennelseed
The Honorary Frodo Award: Damn, he really IS a screamer, isn't he?
(Fics where a hobbit achieves excellence in vocal appreciation of his current situation.)
* Winner: Divarications by Lobelia Sackville-Baggins 
* Runner-up: Interlude by Daffodil Bolger
* Nominee: Be Careful What You Wish For... by Daffodil Bolger
* Nominee: Ready or Not by Aina
* Nominee: Reason To Stay by Aina
The Honorary Sam Award: Coming, Sir!
(Fics in where a hobbit achieves excellence in climax, otherwise known as the best orgasm award.)
* Winner: Supply and Demand by Fennelseed
* Runner-up: Too Many Tooks by Mariole
* Nominee: Nesting by Karadin
* Nominee: Interlude by Daffodil Bolger
* Nominee: A Writer's Bane by Cassiopeia
The Identity Crisis Award for OCs — Am I just here to screw Frodo, or do I have a life of my own?
* Winner: Rites of Passage by Willow-wode
* Runner-up: Making of Samwise by Bill the Pony
* Nominee: Hay and Clover by Cuthalion
* Nominee: Boffin' by Singe Addams
* Nominee: Changing Skies by Lobelia Sackville-Baggins
Most Unusual Pairing — Don’t put that in your mouth, you don’t know where it’s been!
* Winner: Cold Be Hand by Nickey
* Runner-up: Wild Apples by Peachy
* Nominee: The One and Only by Karadin
* Nominee: Wormtongue by Mariole
* Nominee: The Baker's Wife by Polecat
The Pucker Up Award—Hey there, handsome, wanna suck face?
(Best Kiss.)
* Winner: Cloves and Kisses by Bill the Pony
* Runner-up: Falling into the Sky, Chapter 4 by Elanor Gardner
* Nominee: First Kiss by Daffodil Bolger
* Nominee: The Scent of Apples by Nickey
* Nominee: Instinct by Tiriel
The Honorary Pippin Award: Are we there YET?!
(Fics where a hobbit pair achieves excellence in sustained foreplay.)
* Winner: Making of Samwise by Bill the Pony
* Runner-up: Wines, Vines, and Veils by Fennelseed
* Nominee: Changing Skies by Lobelia Sackville-Baggins
* Nominee: Be Careful What You Wish For... by Daffodil Bolger
* Nominee: Before Breakfast by Elanor Gardner
The Honorary Merry Award: We’re coming too!!
(Fics where a hobbit pair achieves excellence in simultaneous climax.)
* Winner: Too Many Tooks by Mariole
* Runner-up: Divarications by Lobelia Sackville-Baggins
* Nominee: Heart's Desire by Nickey
* Nominee: Instinct by Tiriel
* Nominee: Rites of Passage, The Hall, Chapter 20 by Willow-wode Golden Mushrooms Adult Awards 2004, Accessed 22 June 2019.
==2005==
===2005 General Awards===
2005 General Awards Speeches
Boil Vey Award — most unusual symptom
* Winner: Mothballs by Semyaza 
* Runner-up: Force of Nature by Shirebound
* Nominee: The Secret by Mews1945
* Nominee: Back to Business by Semyaza 
* Nominee: Slightly Muddled by Lindelea
 
Best Invented Disease (thatfrodocatchesinfiveseconds)
* Winner: Time and a Little Nurturing by Elenya 
* Runner-up: Slightly Muddled by Lindelea 
* Nominee: Mothballs by Semyaza
* Nominee: High Spirits by Elanor Gardner
* Nominee: A Song To Hold Off the Dark by Citrine
 
Best Retch
* Winner: Rites of Passage: The Hall, Chapter 23 by Willow-wode
* Runner-up: Notes and Observations by Frodo of the Shire by Lurea
* Nominee: Of a Hobbit and a King by Mews1945 
* Nominee: Counterpoint: Dissonance by Daffodil Bolger
* Nominee: Rites of Passage: Bag End, Chapter 15 by Willow-wode 
Best Crybaby
* Winner: Cornfields, Plow Horses, and Demons by Frodo_naatulien 
* Runner-up: The Adventures of Tom and Barard by Elenya
* Nominee: A Mishap in the Kitchen by Baggins Babe
* Nominee: The Way to Healing by Arien
* Nominee: Two Ships by Mallorn Gamgee 
 
Best Drama Queen
* Winner: An Impractical Joke by Elycia 
* Runner-up: The Wight Stuff by Lady Sunrope 
* Nominee: The Brown Book by Blackbird Song
* Nominee: For Eyes to See as Can by Larner
* Nominee: The Coming, The Going, and The Gone by Peachy
 
Best Damsel in Distress — this does not necessarily have to be female…
* Winner: On the North Downs by Laura Mason 
* Runner-up: Help Unlooked For by Slightly Tookish
* Runner-up: Over His Head by Stranger 
* Nominee: Before I Go to Sleep by Cuthalion
* Nominee: The Black Widow by Peachy
 
Best Hobbitsicle — hobbits are a dish best served cold
* Winner: Ice Storm by Notabluemaia 
* Runner-up: Friends And Lovers by Annwyn
* Nominee: Swept Away by Slightly Tookish
* Nominee: Cousins, Colds and Comforts by Anso the Hobbit
* Nominee: Breath of Winter by Cuthalion
 
Best Hobbit Wino — “when elven eyes are smiling…*hiccup*”
* Winner: Symbiosis by Willow-wode 
* Runner-up: Pipeweed and Pints by Baggins Babe
* Nominee: Hangover Cure by Indiehobbitlass 
* Nominee: Earth, Chapter Two by Jeodo Brandybuck
* Nominee: Where the Love-light Gleams by Lindelea
 
Best Abuse of a Controlled Substance — "Pippin, where DID you get these mushrooms!?"
* Winner: The Root of the Matter by Mariole
* Runner-up: Dangerous Fruit by Elderberry Wine 
* Nominee: Love Potion by Aina
* Nominee: Dreaming by Lurea 
* Nominee: Cure For A Headache by Claudia 
 
Most Inappropriate Use of Human/Elf/Dwarf
* Winner: The Mourning After the Night Before by Ghyste
* Runner-up: The Mark of A... Warrior? by Ariel
* Nominee: In the Company of Friends by Slightly Tookish
* Nominee: Vengeance is a Dish Best Served with Ale by Mordelhin 
* Nominee: The Wings of the Shadow by Aprilkat
 
Best Lost In Rivendell — are we there yet?
(Fics where the characters spend an inordinate amount of time in a particular location: Bree, Rivendell, Minas Tirith, etc.)
* Winner: The Minstrel's Quest by Gentle Hobbit
* Runner-up: The Adventures of Tom and Barard by Elenya
* Nominee: A Merry Meeting in Bree by Maya_ar
* Nominee: A Second Darkness by Mordelhin 
* Nominee: Recaptured by Llinos
 
Best Abuse of Culinary Arts — does the book really say that Frodo can't cook?
(Stories where a hobbit’s cooking skills are grossly maligned. It’s likely to be Frodo, but it certainly doesn’t have to be.)
* Winner: The Root of the Matter by Mariole 
* Runner-up: Strawberry Truffles by Gamgeefest
* Nominee: The Old Cookbook by Iorhael
* Nominee: Counterpoint by Daffodil Bolger 
* Nominee: Rites of Passage, Bag End, Chapter 7 by Willow-wode 
 
Best Use of Rosie
* Winner: Hare and Hounds by Bill the Pony
* Runner-up: Inspirare by Ariel
* Runner-up: Twisting the Knife by Trust No One 
* Nominee: Dreaming by Lurea
* Nominee: Rosie's Year by Ruby Nye 
 
Honourable Marlin Perkins Award — Wild Kingdom
(Fics that make the most interesting or outrageous use of animals.)
* Winner: Force of Nature by Shirebound
* Runner-up: The Making of Samwise, Chapter 67 by Bill the Pony
* Nominee: Pied Piper by Angharad
* Nominee: Strike While the Iron is Hot by Grey Wonderer
* Nominee: The Terror of Buckland by Inkling
 
Best Vacation from Canon
* Winner: At the Sign of the Hungry Hobbit by Mews1945
* Runner-up: Psyche by Igraine
* Nominee: 25 Stories Bill the Pony Never Wrote About Sam Gamgee by Bill the Pony
* Nominee: Spared by Princess of Geekland
* Nominee: The Adventures of Tom and Barard by Elenya
 
Best Use of Flame Outside of Mt. Doom
* Winner: Hourglass, Chapter 10 by Igraine
* Runner-up: Up From The Ashes by Elanor Gardner
* Nominee: FireStorm by Lindelea
* Nominee: Rites of Passage, Bag End, Chapter 16 by Willow-wode
* Nominee: Kindred Spirits by Elanor Gardner 
Most Dramatic Use of Drowning (or Near Drowning)
* Winner: P.O.V. by Willow-wode 
* Runner-up: Hobbit Aid by Dreamflower 
* Nominee: The River by Indigo Bunting
* Nominee: The Terror of Buckland by Inkling
* Nominee: Hourglass by Igraine 
Best Excuse for a Search Party—who lost Pippin THIS time?!
(Fics displaying the most unique misplacement of character(s).)
* Winner: The Adventures of Tom and Barard by Elenya
* Runner-up: In the Bleak Midwinter by Kelllie
* Nominee: Help Unlooked For by Slightly Tookish
* Nominee: A Healer's Tale by Lindelea
* Nominee: The River by Indigo Bunting
Best Rug Rat—in the nursery, no one can hear you scream…
(Fics tormented by the most mischievous young hobbit.)
* Winner: Counterpoint, Interfolio - Scherzo by Daffodil Bolger 
* Runner-up: The Trouble with Jam by Grey Wonderer 
* Nominee: A Pint of Trouble by Mariposa
* Nominee: What I Did This Summer... by Dreamflower
* Nominee: Pastime by illyria 
Best Candidate for Prozac — Frodo is never gonna make it through this one without happy pills!
(Fics in which a character is placed in the most angsty situation.)
* Winner: Devoted by Mariole 
* Runner-up: The Acceptable Sacrifice by Larner
* Nominee: Joy Hereafter by Semyaza 
* Nominee: Dusk-singer by illyria
* Nominee: Counterpoint by Daffodil Bolger 
The Eye of the Tiger Award — Do hobbits punch raw meat, or just make steak tartar?
(The fic with the best fight scene.)
* Winner: The Making of Samwise, Chapter 44 by Bill the Pony 
* Runner-up: Parley by Claudia 
* Runner-up: River Stones by Jeodo Brandybuck
* Nominee: Pinned by Zirconia Bracegirdle 
* Nominee: The Battle of Bywater by Lullenny 
The Cue the Orchestra Award — “Ya know, author dear, we’re not elves. I’m just sayin’.”
(Fics that are begging for a conclusion.)
* Winner: The Errand Lad by Rabidsamfan 
* Runner-up: A Second Darkness by Mordelhin 
* Nominee: A Middle-earth Mary Sue Tragedy by Lily Baggins
* Nominee: Rites of Passage by Willow-wode 
* Nominee: The Claiming of the Ring by Europanya Golden Mushrooms General Awards 2005, Accessed 23 June 2019.
===2005 Adult Awards===
2005 Adult Awards Speeches
Best Visit by Mrs Palm and her Five Daughters — self-familiarity at its finest
* Winner: Botheration by Bill the Pony 
* Runner-up: Nexus by Willow-wode
* Nominee: An Impractical Joke, Part 3 by Elycia
* Nominee: The Making of Samwise, Chapter 60 by Bill the Pony
* Nominee: The Lion's Den by Mallorn Gamgee
Most Ingenious Sacrifice of Clothing — the unsubtle Art of the strip tease
* Winner: The Height and Length of Fashion by Mariole
* Runner-up: Over His Head by Stranger
* Nominee: A Little Night Music by Ariel 
* Nominee: River Song by Elderberry Wine
* Nominee: Sometimes You Remind Me by LadySunrope
Best Hobbit Origami — or, I didn't know that legs could BEND that way!
* Winner: No Promises by Daffodil Bolger 
* Runner-up: A New Conspiracy by Princess of Geekland
* Nominee: Pinned by Zirconia Bracegirdle
* Nominee: Small Favors by Trilliah
* Nominee: Firedance by Amrunofthesummercountry
Best Peep Show — for those who get off on looking on
* Winner: The Making of Samwise, Chapter 71 by Bill the Pony
* Runner-up: The Height and Length of Fashion by Mariole
* Nominee: Botheration by Bill the Pony
* Nominee: The Root of the Matter by Mariole
* Nominee: A Visit With Old Friends by Danachan
Best Stress Test on Non-Bedroom Furniture — you're gonna WIPE that table after you're done, right?
* Winner: No Promises by Daffodil Bolger 
* Runner-up: Barrel Rider by Willow-wode
* Nominee: All's Well by Mariole
* Nominee: The Height and Length of Fashion by Mariole 
* Nominee: Of a Hobbit and a King by Mews1945 
Best Tongue-Twister — need we explain?
* Winner: All That I Had, Chapter 37 by Elenya
* Runner-up: The Making of Samwise, Chapter 74 by Bill the Pony
* Nominee: Having His Way With Me by Frodosweetstuff
* Nominee: Heart's Ease III: A Painful Pleasure by Annwyn 
* Nominee: Nexus by Willow-wode
Best Hobbitpile — the more, the Merryer!
* Winner: Pipe Dreams by Willow-wode 
* Runner-up: Needs Lust by Ghyste
* Nominee: Hands Off by Mariole 
* Nominee: A Bed of Light by Ruby Nye
* Nominee: Singing Home by Ruby Nye 
Best Slip 'n Slide — creative use and style of lubricant
* Winner: Lover's Knot by Elderberry Wine
* Winner: The Scouring of the Smial by Semyaza
* Runner-up: Whortleberries by Semyaza
* Nominee: Another Angle by Trianne 
* Nominee: A Rose for my Love, Part 4 by Elderberry Wine
Best Chick!Frodo — does Frodo buy his lavender water from Crabtree & Evelyn?
* Winner: An Unexpected Party by Bill the Pony
* Runner-up: The Coming, The Going, and The Gone by Peachy
* Runner-up: An Unexpected Birthday by Notabluemaia 
* Nominee: Divertissement by Kaybrand 
* Nominee: Hourglass by Igraine
Most Frustrating Fade to Black — but I’ve been waiting the whole fic just to SEE this part! WAH!!!
* Winner: An Impractical Joke by Elycia
* Runner-up: All That I Had by Elenya
* Nominee: Heart Shadows by Claudia
* Nominee: The Memory Game by Polecat
* Nominee: Ties That Bind by Blackbird Song
Most Intriguing Foot Fetish — mmm…feet...
* Winner: The Adventures of Tom and Barard by Elenya
* Runner-up: Concerning Hobbit's Feet by Grey Wonderer 
* Nominee: Holding Moonlight by Claudia 
* Nominee: Late Start, Early Finish by Lily Baggins
* Nominee: Ranger from the North: Wanderings in the Wild by Claudia 
Most Creative Use of Vegetables — I didn't think you could DO that with a carrot!
(Fics exhibiting the most creative or outrageous use of any food product.)
* Winner: Secret on the Vine by Maura Underhill
* Runner-up: Mathom by Willow-wode
* Nominee: The Gentlehobbit Instructed by Semyaza
* Nominee: Fruit by Elderberry Wine
* Nominee: Mushrooms and Man Dragons by Notabluemaia
Best Wet 'n Wild — hobbits are slippery when wet and it’s better so…
(Fics involving hobbits and water. Ahem.)
There was an error in the GMA process for the 2005 Wet 'n Wild Award. The site notes: "An error was made in the nominations phase for this year's Wet 'n Wild Award. Willow-wode's Rites of Passage, Bag End, Chapter 10, which won the 2004 Wet 'n Wild Award, was nominated, and the fact that it should have been disqualified was not caught. Likewise, the GMAs went through 3 weeks of open voting with no one catching that this mistake was made, and as it turns out, ROP, Bag End, Chapter 10 got the most votes in this category again this year. The error was discovered only yesterday, when the results lists were being formatted for posting. Therefore, in the interests of fairness, we have decided to let this result stand, and award the 2005 Wet 'n Wild Award to Willow-wode. Had this error been caught during the nominations or open voting phases, the story would have been disqualified, but we feel that it's neither fair to Willow-wode nor to those who voted for her to remove it at this time. We regret that this error occurred, and vow to avoid similar errors in the future." Golden Mushrooms Adult Awards 2005, Wet N Wild Error, Accessed 24 June 2019.
* Winner: Rites of Passage, Bag End, Chapter 10 by Willow-wode
* Runner-up: A Warm, Wet Welcome by Mariole
* Nominee: The Secret Life of Nits by Matilda Filch 
* Nominee: A Summer's Folly by Elderberry Wine 
* Nominee: Treasures of Minas Tirith by Laura Mason
The "I'm in the Mood for Love" Award — you want to do that WHERE!?
(Fics where consummation takes place in the most creative location.)
* Winner: All's Well by Mariole
* Runner-up: The Terror Of Buckland by Aratlithiel
* Nominee: Barrel Rider by Willow-wode 
* Nominee: Lover's Knot by Elderberry Wine 
* Nominee: Of Yellow Leaves and Gossamer by Igraine 
The Tie-Me-Up Tie-Me-Down Award — excellence in light hobbit bondage
* Winner: Bound by Melanie Athene 
* Runner-up: The Height and Length of Fashion by Mariole
* Nominee: Needs Lust by Ghyste
* Nominee: Hands Off by Mariole 
* Nominee: High Spirits by Elanor Gardner 
The Honorary Frodo Award: Damn, he really IS a screamer, isn't he?
(Fics where a hobbit achieves excellence in vocal appreciation of his current situation.)
* Winner: The Making of Samwise, Chapter 73 by Bill the Pony
* Runner-up: Counterpoint: Discord by Daffodil Bolger
* Nominee: Where An Argument Leads You by Dana 
* Nominee: An Impractical Joke by Elycia
* Nominee: The Height and Length of Fashion by Mariole
The Honorary Sam Award: Coming, Sir!
(Fics in where a hobbit achieves excellence in climax, otherwise known as the best orgasm award.)
* Winner: The Height and Length of Fashion by Mariole
* Winner: The Making of Samwise, Chapter 73 by Bill the Pony
* Runner-up: An Impractical Joke by Elycia
* Nominee: The Field by Singe Addams 
* Nominee: The Lion's Den by Mallorn Gamgee
The Identity Crisis Award for OCs — Am I just here to screw Frodo, or do I have a life of my own?
* Winner: Hourglass by Igraine
* Runner-up: The Adventures of Tom and Barard by Elenya
* Nominee: Not Like That by Aina
* Nominee: All's Fair by Inkling
* Nominee: Make Me a Song by Lost Owl 
Most Unusual Pairing — Don’t put that in your mouth, you don’t know where it’s been!
* Winner: The Bone That He Boned from Its Owner by Lily Baggins
* Winner: Rustle Of Spring by Elderberry Wine
* Runner-up: Wormtongue by Mariole
* Nominee: Pale Stars of Hollin by Claudia
* Nominee: Heed No Nightly Noises by Ariel
The Pucker Up Award — Hey there, handsome, wanna suck face?
(Best Kiss.)
* Winner: Kissing Frodo by Cassiopeia 
* Runner-up: The Last Kiss by Annwyn
* Nominee: The Elf Prince and the Gardener by Melanie Athene 
* Nominee: Hawt Chocolate by Singe Addams
* Nominee: Make Me a Song by Lost Owl 
The Honorary Pippin Award: Are we there YET?!
(Fics where a hobbit pair achieves excellence in sustained foreplay.)
* Winner: The Height and Length of Fashion by Mariole
* Runner-up: The Perfect Match by Tiriel 
* Nominee: The Contest by illyria
* Nominee: Mathom by Willow-wode 
* Nominee: The Secret Life of Nits by Matilda Filch 
The Honorary Merry Award: We’re coming too!!
(Fics where a hobbit pair achieves excellence in simultaneous climax.)
* Winner: All That I Had by Elenya
* Runner-up: Counterpoint by Daffodil Bolger 
* Nominee: Cleansed by Laura Mason
* Nominee: High Spirits by Elanor Gardner
* Nominee: The Field by Singe Addams Golden Mushrooms Adult Awards 2005, Accessed 24 June 2019.
==References==
Category:Tolkien Awards
Category:2003 Awards
Category:2000s Awards