The Truth About the Ranch

When I was only 6 my uncle opened up his own steak house simply called "The Ranch", my family and I would always go there to eat once a month or so, and since we were related to the owner we always got discounts on our food, I thought the food there was pretty good, maybe the best I've ever tasted.
However when I was 10 we moved out of Texas to go live in New York, but my uncle stayed home to tend to The Ranch, which meant we barely ever got to see him, and we never got to eat at The Ranch anymore, which heavily disappointed me as the restaurants in New York were just not the same, unfortunately.
When I turned 16 I started my work experience and I decided to try out the new steak house that opened up down the road from my house, thinking it'd be like my uncle's restaurant back home in Texas, however it was just another subpar restaurant and I was pretty disappointed, so after 1 week I decided to quit.
When I turned 18 I graduated from high school and I got my driver's license, as soon as I bought my new car I decided to go back home to Texas, after the 26 road trip I finally arrived back in Texas, and to my luck it turned out that the couple who previously lived in my family's old house were selling it off for cheap, so I borrowed some money from my uncle and bought it off them.
I then decided that I wanted to work for my uncle at his steak house, so the next day I went to the interview, and I got the job, the pay was really good and I got a huge discount on food because I worked there AND I was related to the owner, so that was a bonus.
Until one night everything changed.....
That night I was put on over time until 2 in the morning to clean up, I didn't want to do it, but the pay was really good, so I accepted it anyway, but I wish I didn't.
It was midnight and it was really creepy as it was very dark and nobody was there except for my co-worker Sean, who I never really liked or trusted anyway, however what made it really strange was when I walked near the bathrooms I heard a faint moaning sound, almost like a ghost which really freaked me out, I went to investigate, even though I knew I probably shouldn't have, when I went into the bathroom the door slammed shut behind me and when I went to open the door it wouldn't budge, and the lights kept flickering on and off, and too make matters worse, the moaning didn't go away, in fact it only got louder, I went to investigate where it was coming from and it sounded like it was coming from one of the showers, so I pulled back the curtains on the first shower and what I seen next nearly made me faint....
18 NAKED COWBOYS IN THE SHOWERS AT THE RANCH, BIG HARD THROBBING COCKS WANTING TO BE SUCKED, 18 NAKED COWBOYS WANTING TO BE FUCKED!
I escaped through the window going out to the yard thinking I'd be safe and that I escaped the trauma of what I had just seen, however what I seen next was just as horrifying....
18 MORE WILD COWBOYS OUT IN THE YARD, BIG BULGING COCKS EVER SO HARD!
After going through all that I decided to quit my job the next morning I didn't care how well it payed I wasn't going through that again, however about a week later my uncle called me up saying that The Ranch had been bought out by a steak house chain called Ram Ranch, I recognized the name, that was the steak house I worked for when I was living in New York, about two days later I was watching TV when I noticed an ad for the new Ram Ranch that had replaced The Ranch, the ad said something along the lines of "Come on down to Ram Ranch, it really rocks!", I then said to myself that it most certainly does not rock!
7 years later I was watching TV when a news flash came up, and it showed footage of 28 rogue U.S. marines invading my local Ram Ranch, pulling up in black Ford Raptor trucks they even had helicopters landing, and the headline read:
BREAKING NEWS: RAM RANCH IS UNDER SEIGE, UNDER LOCKDOWN
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Memes
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep