Nern

Nerns are those little environmentally-unsound pieces of styrofoam that one used to find in boxes on a routine basis. During their heydey, they were known as packing peanuts, ghost turds, and other nernologically-insensitive terms. In fact, these are technically known as Nerns.
These beings were first identified by a friend of Hank from the Broadside in the ninth grade. But, in the years since then the science of nern classification has reached new heights.
== An overview ==
The members of the order of pakaceae are generally polymer based, and often found in large groupings inside 'boxes', also known as kraft paper enclosures (KPE's, hereafter). The ANS generally concerns itself with the family Nernus. The Nernus members are single unit organisms and are, as Dr. Harriet Knoth of the University of Buffalo said, "small" (Knoth, 1982). Compare and contrast these to the Sterns, which are not in the Singlus family. Close inspection reveals that Sterns are, in fact, made up of many tiny units which appear to be held together to produce larger structures, often larger than even the largest Nernus family member. We at the ANS have no idea what the individual members of a Stern are doing so very close to one another, and frankly we don't want to know. Hence, our lack of research in that area. There are, at present, four major Genusi known in the Nernus family: Foamus, Starkus, and Plastus and Fuzzus. The penultimate is the largest group, and the one to garner the most research from the ANS. Each Genus is discussed in another topic here.
== Behaviour == 
While it is very common to find groupings of only a single species in a KPE, one not infrequently will find several species from one genus cohabitating in a KPE. Sometimes members from multiple genuses will be found together (for a stirring account of one such find, see "They're all right here!", Weller, 1993).
== Names ==
A common question asked of the learned members of the ANS is: "Why the name 'nern'?". Alas, we can't say definitively that we know the answer. In 1990, research found that in the distant past (probably the early 1980's), the friend of a person named Hank from the Broadside wrote an essay about these beings, and gave them the name Nern. This name was passed along in an oral tradition, thereafter, until 1990 when the early ANS (then, the Nernological Institute) started its research. No one knows if this name existed before then, but doctors surveyed reported that most people familiar with the term prefer it over the competition. 
== Catalog ==
== Family: Singulus ==
=== Genus: Plastus ===
The Genus Plastus is the most common group in the Nernus family. They are identified by having an irregular surface: sometimes smooth and unbroken, sometimes cracked as if split by heat and expansion, and sometimes pitted with dozens of bubble craters. Sometimes all three skin details can be found on a single specimen.
* 3 nern (fourlessoneus)
File:Green=3=front.jpg|A front view of a green 3 Nern
File:green=3=side.jpg|A side view of a green 3 Nern
File:white=3=front.jpg|A front view of a white 3 Nern
File:white=3=side.jpg|A side view of a white 3 Nern
File:pink=3=front.jpg|A front view of a pink 3 Nern
File:pink=3=side.jpg|A side view of a pink 3 Nern
* Bridge Nern (Bridgus)
File:Green=bridge=side.jpg|Green Bridge Nern
File:Pink=bridge=bottom.jpg|Pink Bridge Nern
File:Turquoise=bridge=top.jpg|Turquoise Bridge Nern
File:Turquoise=bridge=bottom.jpg|Turquoise Bridge Nern
File:White=bridge=bottom.jpg|White Bridge Nern
File:White=bridge=top.jpg|White Bridge Nern
File:Mixed=bridge-c=mixed.jpg |A Bridge and a C Nern
File:Mixed=bridge=bottom.jpg|Various Bridge Nerns
* C Nern (kernigus)
File:Green=c=2=side.jpg|Side view of a green C Nern
File:Green=c=2=side=2.jpg|Side view of a green C Nern
File:Green=c=back.jpg|Rear view of a green C Nern
File:Green=c=front.jpg|Front view of a green C Nern
File:Green=c=side.jpg|Side view of a green C Nern
File:Pink=c=front.jpg|Front view of a pink C Nern
File:Pink=c=side.jpg|Side view of pink C Nern
File:White=c=back.jpg|Back view of white C Nern
* Cradle Nern (krattus)
No remaining samples of this species exist in the ANS archives
* Cross Nern (kros)
File:White=cross=side.jpg|Side view of a white Cross Nern
* E Nern (eeus)
File:Green=e=front.jpg|Front view of a green E Nern
File:Mixed=e=backs.jpg|Back views of several E Nerns
File:Mixed=e=side.jpg|Side view of several E Nerns
File:Pink=e=back.jpg|Back view of E Nerns
File:Pink=e=front.jpg|Front view of E Nerns
File:White=e=front.jpg|Front view of a white E Nern
* Eyeball Nern (occulus)
File:White=eyeball=top.jpg|Top view of white Eyeball Nerns
File:White=eyeballs=bottom.jpg|Bottom view of white Eyeball Nerns
* Hi Nern (greetus)
File:Green=h=front.jpg|Front view of a green Hi Nern
File:Mixed=h=top.jpg|Top view of Hi Nerns
File:Pink=h=side.jpg|Side view of pink Hi Nerns
File:Pink=h=top.jpg|Top view of pink Hi Nerns
File:White=h=top.jpg|Top view of a white Hi Nern
* Integral nern (ogawdnotkalkulus)
File:White=integral=front.jpg|Front view of a white Integral Nern
File:White=integral=side.jpg |Side view of a white Integral Nern
* J Nern (janus)
File:Green=j=front.jpg|Front view of a green J Nern
File:Green=j=side.jpg|Side view of a green J Nern
File:White=j-2=front.jpg|Front view of white a J Nern
File:White=j=front.jpg|Front view of white J Nern
File:White=j=side.jpg|Side view of white J Nern
File:White=fat-j=side.jpg|Side view of a fat white J Nern
File:White=tall-j=back.jpg|Back view of a tall white J Nern
File:White=tall-j=side.jpg|Side view of a tall white J Nern
* Pretzel Nern (pretzelus)
File:White=pretzels=top.jpg|Top view of a white Pretzel Nern
* Pringles Nern (junkfoodus)
File:Misc=pringles=bottom.jpg|Multiple Pringles Nerns
File:Mixed=pringles=top.jpg|Top view of multiple Pringles Nerns
* S Nern (essus)
File:Green=s=side.jpg|Side view of an S Nern
File:Mixed=s-b=front.jpg|Bottom view of S Nerns
File:Mixed=s=front.jpg|Front view of S Nerns
* S (mini) Nern (essus-diminnus)
File:Green=mini-s=side.jpg|Rear views of mini S Nerns
File:Green=small-s=side.jpg|Side views of mini S Nerns
File:White-pink=s=side.jpg|Side view of white-pink S Nern
File:White=s=side.jpg|Side view of white S Nern
* Spaghetti Nern (stringus)
File:White=spagheti=side.jpg|Side view of white Spaghetti Nern
* Squere E Nern ()
File:Green=square-e=back.jpg|Rear view of a Square E Nern
File:Green=square-e=front.jpg|Front view of a Square E Nern
File:Green=square-e=side.jpg|Side view of a Square E Nern
* Star Nern (starus)
File:White=star-a=side.jpg|Side view of a Star Nern
File:White=star-b=side.jpg|Side view of a Star Nern
File:White=star-c=side.jpg|Side view of a Star Nern
* ~ Nern (tildus)
File:Green=tilde=side.jpg|Side view of a green ~ Nern
File:Mixed=tildes=side.jpg|Side view of ~ Nerns
File:White=tilde=side.jpg|Side view of a ~ Nern
* Y Nern (whyus)
File:White=y-b=side.jpg|Side view of a white Y Nern
File:White=y-a=side.jpg|Side view of a white Y Nern
=== Genus: foamus ===
Only three species of the Foamus genus have been identified. The members of this genus are identified by having a relatively soft surface, and to be very "squishy" (Bryant, 1991). They are resilient and return to an original form unless large pressures are exerted. It's notable that only members of the Foamus genus have been identified with a brownish coloring. Some speculate that Foamus members are actually reborn (recycled) from other materials, though no concrete evidence has been found to support this.
* Infinity nern (unendus)
File:Mixed=infinity=fronts.jpg|Multiple Infinity Nerns
File:Mixed=infinity=side.jpg|Side view of multiple Infinity Nerns
File:Blue=infinity=front.jpg|Front view of a blue Infinity Nern
File:Blue=infinity=side.jpg|Side view of a blue Infinity Nern
* Inifinity (solid) nern (unendusfullus)
File:Pink=solid-infinity=front.jpg|Front view of Solid Infinity Nerns
File:Pink=solid-infinity=side.jpg|Side view of Solid Infinity Nerns
File:Brown=solid-infinity=front.jpg|Front view of a brown Infinity (solid) Nern
File:Brown=solid-infinity=side.jpg|Side view of a brown Infinity (solid) Nern
File:White=solid-infinity=side-b.jpg|Side view of white Infinity (solid) Nern
File:White=solid-infinity=side.jpg|Side view of white Infinity (solid) Nern
File:White=solid-infinity=top.jpg|Top view of a white Infinity (solid) Nern
* Plug nern (plugus)
File:Tanish=plug=bottom.jpg|Bottom view of a tan Plug Nern
File:Tanish=plug=front.jpg|Front view of a tan Plug Nern
File:Tanish=plug=side.jpg|Side view of a tan Plug Nern
=== Genus: fuzzus ===
* Fuzzy-ring nern (skrachus)
File:White=fuzzy-ring=side.jpg|Side view of a white Fuzzy-ring Nern
File:White=fuzzy-ring=top.jpg|Top view of a white Fuzzy-ring Nern
=== Genus: starkus ===
Starkus is a new genus, having only been noted in the last couple years. It is believed by some that these originated in the offices of Apple Computer, and the ANS feels more research should be exerted to verify this. The members of this family have been found to dissolve in the presence of liquids. Some Nernovours report that the members of the Starkus are considerably easier to chew than a Nern or Foamus, and even have a nearly pleasant taste. Some studies done by the ANS suggest that the Sarkus are made of a starchy substance, akin to common corn starch, rather than the complex polymers that make up the members of the Nernus and Foamus families. Natrually, members of the ANS have not performed such experiments [consuming members of this family], since they would be in conflict with our signing the "Prevention of Cruelty to Nerns and Related Beings" accord of 1990. Preliminary research shows that members of the Starkus genus gradually shrink in size in captivity. The cause of this is not yet known.
* Binoculars (duoeyeus)
File:White=starch-binoc=side.jpg|Side view of a white Binocular Nern
File:White=starch-binoc=top.jpg|Top view of a white Binocular Nern
* Clover nern (nolukus)
File:White=clover=side.jpg|Side view of a white Clover Nern
File:White=starch-clover=bottom.jpg|Bottom view of a white Clover Nern
* Solid Manacotti (solidmanakotus)
File:white=solid-tubes=side.jpg|Solid Manacotti Nern
* Manacotti (manakotus)
File:white=shrunkStarchtube=side.jpg|Manacotti Nern
* Closed Manacotti (klosmanakotus)
File:Green=closed-mat-side.jpg|Side view of a green Closed Manacotti Nern
File:White=closed-mat=side.jpg|Side view of a white closed Manatotti Nern
File:White=closed-mat=top.jpg|Top view of a white closed Manatotti Nern
== Family: undetermined ==
=== Genus: cardboardus ===
This is a relatively new genus. Researchers have yet to determine what family it belongs to.
* unclassified
File:Grey=cardboard=bottom.jpg|Bottom view of a cardboardus Nern
File:Grey=cardboard=b=bottom.jpg|Bottom view of a cardboardus Nern
File:Grey=cardboards=top.jpg|Top view of two cardboardus Nerns
== Family: Multitudinous ==
=== Genus: sternus ===
* unclassified (angulus?)
File:White=stern-b=side.jpg|Side view of a Stern
File:White=stern-b=side2.jpg|Side view of a Stern
File:White=stern=side.jpg|Side view of a Stern
File:White=stern=side2.jpg|Side view of a Stern
A Similar Concept
Another similar concept
Category:Industry