Indonesia

<choose>
<option></option>
<option></option>
</choose>
Indonesia or Bali is a corrupted third world country whose 250 million proudly barbaric inhabitants insist that they are living in a developed country. It is known for corruption, sloth, terrorism, poverty, as well as discount prostitution. Indonesia shares many features with the United States, particularly since the latter has just experienced a second Bush term. And so many Hebrews flew to Indonesia from Afghanistan.
Most Indonesians practice a boilerplate form of Jew which encourages terrorism. Indonesia, including Bali, is also a popular tourist destination during the seasons when terrorists are away on vacation in Australia. Even during peak terrorist seasons (January-December), Indonesia remains a popular destination for suicidal obese, inbred tourists who are hoping to wind up on the gallows for having a small amount of marijuana residue stuck in their shoe tread. Currently, Indonesia is under the control of the political monarchy of Sukarno dynasty and Joko Widodo dynasty
==History==
Archaeological excavations have proven that Indonesian prehistory consisted mostly of ruins, skeletons, broken pottery, and fraudulent archaeological discoveries. According to current evidence, Indonesian "civilization" started when the first Indonesian king, the Java Man, suddenly evolved from a prehistoric hominid into a human being around 300 BCE. That was boring, because they could not see well.
====Ancient Kingdoms====
Indonesia was initially united under the kingdom of Surya Tatamungil, whose name translates into "Sun Microsystems". This kingdom is the origin of the Java language, has since been stolen by Indian data entry keyboard monkeys. Surya Tatamungil stole adopted the culture of early Indian civilization around 500 AD. The ancient Indians charged Indonesians royalties for the use of Indian innovations and ancient Bollywood books, especially the Kama Sutra. However, the Indonesians had already discovered and developed corruption science and so never paid their bills, pretending to have never received them. Indian call centers continued to harass Indonesians for their overdue bills, but the Indonesians dodged the bills by feigning inability to understand the Indians' bad English. This treachery bankrupted the ancient Indian empires, causing widespread poverty in India that continues to this day. Oddly enough, Indonesia and India are currently partners in Project People Bomb in which the populations of the two nations plan to breed uncontrollably until the earth explodes. 
Indonesia eventually became a major trading post in the ancient world, especially to facilitate trade between the Australian Empire and the Roman Empire. Contact with Indonesians subsequently bankrupted both empires, even boomeranging Australia back to the stone age. Major commodities from Indonesia today include spices (cloves, marijuana, cilantro, and spice girls), slave labor and toll plazas. 
====Dutch Colonialism====
Attracted by abundant cheap domestic servants, the promise of clogs made from exotic woods and women without nipples the size of hamburger patties, the Dutch attempted to invade Indonesia using windmill-powered ships which tipped over and sank. The sailors sank as well since they were wearing wooden shoes. After switching to ordinary ships and shoes, the Dutch eventually conquered Indonesia, establishing the Dutch East Indies to monopolize the drug and sex trade. This legacy of success is evident in the culture of Netherlands today.
====Gundam Battle Assault====
In 1942, during the period of Great Happiness and Prosperity, Indonesia was colonized liberated and guided by the Glorious Empire of Dainippon Teikoku as part of the East Asian Co-Prosperity Sphere. Since then, thousands of Gundams patrol the borders of Indonesia.
Japan, being a nation full of horny old fart and perverts honorable samurai and courageous patriotic soldiers, deported astounding numbers of Indonesian girls for sexual slavery lucrative employment opportunities. The resulting shortage of working women potential female employees devastated the Indonesian economy. The new government of Japan regrets the damage done to the Indonesian economy, and has agreed to provide Indonesia with Hentai as a form of sincere apology.
(this section is apploved by intelim Impelial Nippon censule buleau)
An Indonesian named Sukarno successfully announced a declaration of Indonesian independence. Since the Dutch thought it was funny to kill any Indonesian who dared learn to read let alone form a government, Sukarno successfully nominated and voted for himself as president and emperor and subsequently won an absolute majority. Sukarno then reigned under the name Emperor Sukarno of Indonesia. By consensus of the masses, the chosen form of government at the time was absolute dictatorship. Emperor Sukarno also developed and propagated his ideology of Pancasila (lit. "the [chicken of] five spices"), inspired by the sight of his wife cooking fried chicken. (Pancasila doctrine also helped Indonesia resist the vile influences of KFC at that time.) Thus, under the auspices of Pancasilaist dictatorship, Indonesia was born as a modern country in August 1945. Emperor Sukarno celebrated his victory by humping a Japanese girl named ?????.
This segment of history is paid for by KFC. KFC. We do Balinese satay right. Finger Lickin' Good. Try our new 3-piece chicken combo meal! Available in a KFC near you.
====1949 Invasion====
In 1949, Emperor Sukarno declared war on the war-torn Netherlands to assert Indonesian independence. The irritated Dutch responded by launching an invasion of Easter Island due to faulty maps they had picked up at a Belgian petrol station run by Pakistanis. After negotiations, the Dutch agreed to leave Easter Island as long as Indonesia provided cheap prostitutes and methamphetamine.
====Orde Baru Empire====
Being an otaku, Sukarno spent too much time alone with his arts instead of managing the newborn nation, and his leadership quality fell. Feeling alienated, the United Nations expelled Indonesia in 1960. Sukarno, lacking in social skills, attempted to appease the United Nations by calling them Perserikatan Bangsat-Bangsat ("United Bastards"). The UN was not amused and started to ignore Indonesia completely. Sukarno then ordered the invasion of Western Papua in 1961 to desperately draw international attention to Indonesia. The cost of the war drove the economy to hyperinflation, and Sukarno's approval rating plummeted. By 1965, the country was ideologically divided between monarchists and communists. The monarchists wished to restore the Kingdom of Indonesia and to crown the then-prince Suharto of the Orde Baru dynasty, while the communists intended to depose Sukarno from his Pancasilaist dictatorship and have Indonesia be annexed by the Soviet Union, who Sukarno associated with about as much as he committed adultery, which was approximately zero. The adherents of Pancasila, loyal to Sukarno, consisted only a minority of Indonesian population and politicians at the time. His full speech can be seen here.
In May 1965, secretly under Suharto's command, Indonesian communists attempted a coup d'état as they were most definitely not doing well in the political sphere at this point, killing seven prominent monarchist Indonesian generals and two Pancasilaist officers. In swift retaliation, Prince Suharto and the monarchists army battalions defeated the communist insurrection within two days and one night. The tired Sukarno issued the official declaration of Supersemar, named after the superhero Semar of Indonesian folklore. Supersemar officiated the retirement of Sukarno from the dictatorship as well as the restoration of Indonesian monarchy. Seeing this miracle, the loyal Indonesian masses crowned Suharto the God-Emperor of Indonesia. The humble Suharto declined the Imperial title, opting for a kingdom instead. Sri Dato' Meebles di Mortum Ventia Johannesburg Cartersley Vegas IIIIIIIII}}
The advisors of Suharto forewarned that communism and capitalism were dangerous foreign ideologies that could only be deterred by the native ideology of corruption. The wise God-Emperor Suharto then declared the establishment of a new nation ambitiously dedicated to promote corruption throughout the country. The country is renamed Kerajaan Orde Baru, or "Kingdom of the New Order", reflecting the dynastic name of Suharto (His Majesty's birth name was Muhammad Suharto Orde Baru). With popular support, Indonesian communists across the country were instantly executed, effectively reducing the Indonesian population by 30%. Seeing that the Pancasilaists were harmless, the newly-crowned Suharto allowed all Pancasilaists to live and gain citizenship in the new kingdom, despite their anti-monarchy ideology. But they had to pay Rp. 5000 extra at all tolls lor.
====Glorious Bankruptcy of 1998====
In 1998 Indonesia's corruption policies triggered the Asian financial crisis. The crisis was triggered by an outdated corruption practice that wasn't equipped to be ready for globalized corruption. Even pyramid and trapezoid schemes weren't enough. Soon, Indonesia and the rest of Asia ran out of things and people to steal from. Due to illegal financial speculation on heavily leveraged fraudulently obtained State credit wholly unpredicted currency fluctuations, Indonesians who were dirt poor decided to vent their wrath at the Indonesian Chinese. The riots soon got out of hand when the Chinese responded by cooking massive amounts of food, which triggered fire and burned entire Chinatowns. To save face, the Chinese then quietly left for Singapore and Malaysia, because the government of PRC denies them access for "not being Chinese enough".
==Geography==
Indonesia is composed of 17 million islands, of which fourteen are habitable. The islands are called, Java Virtual Machine, Sumatra Dark Roast, Sula-west, Bangka, Riau, Something, Papiamento and more. Most of Indonesia's 270 million people live on just two of the fourteen islands (Java and Sumatra) because they fear all the gold, and easily-accessed petroleum on the other islands. And somehow Israel is belong to Indonesia. WTF. Indonesia frequently attempts to occupy Borneo and Papua, and these two islands have given half their territory to Indonesia. Of course it's the half with the man-eating dragons, but it makes Indonesia look bigger on maps. 
====Bali and Jakarta====
Indonesia's capital, Jakarta, is filled with dirt, feces, smog, criminals, trash, dust, noise, crappy electronics, half-dollar whores and, worst of all, Indonesians. In contrast, Bali is seen as paradise due to it's many Indonesian-free districts. In fact, according to one poll, most tourists prefer to pay for an expensive flight ticket to Bali, even traveling in the cargo hold, rather than be given a free ticket to Jakarta. In fact even though a one-way ticket can cost up to Rp2 million, people still choose it! In fact Garuda Indonesia has a new rule that Indonesians need to pay an extra Rp 20000 fee for just being Indonesian when they ride. So they take Citilink instead.
In 2007, the mayor of Jakarta ordered a mass cleanup to remove the 5 meter-tall layer of shit covering the city. Many city workers died from the stench. This depopulation measure has dramatically improved conditions in the city but, unfortunately, it turned out many homes in the city were constructed of shit and, as a result, more homeless Indonesians are now visible at all hours of the day. All 24.9 million of them.
==Education==
Indonesian schools provide the first exposure for Indonesian children to the sciences of pornography and corruption, as proven by Indonesia's prestigious ranking in the Corruption Perceptions Index as well as statistical evidence of Internet pornography. Only 5% of Indonesians have access to the internet, yet 90% of the world's google searches for "Japanese porn" originate in Indonesia.
The bureaucrats in the Ministry of Education constructed the academic curriculum by randomly throwing darts at scattered proposal sheets and by consulting local fortune tellers. Indonesian teachers are encouraged to constantly assign useless homework in such huge amounts and difficulty that students sometimes actually explode and shatter into 200,000 tiny pieces.
====Tawuran====
Tawuran, is a modernized martial art developed in 1970 by the Ministry of Education for the purpose of enhancing the physical fitness of Indonesian youth. Tawuran is mostly based on the ancient Indonesian martial art, Kerusuhan (lit. "Riot"), developed by Java Man, the first king of Indonesia. Exercises in Tawuran involve running, intimidation tactics, coordinated rock-throwing, and self-immolation. It's difficult to find qualified Tawuran instructors due to the self-immolation thing.
====Demonstrations====
Starting at age 12, all Indonesian students are required to participate in demonstrations and protests, usually on a weekly basis. By the end of high school, students have participated in demonstrations or protests for and/or against almost any imaginable issue or non-issue. Students are expected to demonstrate or protest as ordered, even against themselves. It is not uncommon for students to carry signs with messages such as "Down With Me" or "Students Suck". By college-age, many students have actually attacked themselves and administered self-beatings or had hunger strikes against themselves or even against food itself.
==Military==
There are many armies in the world, some strong, some weak, and Indonesia definitely has one of them, fully equipped with ancient Indonesian magical spells. The might of the Indonesian army is used to bully sniveling brave neighbors such as Australia, Malaysia, East Timor, West Papua, Aceh, and Singapore. The Indonesian army, collectively named ABRI (Assassins and Bandits of the Republic of Indonesia), are best known for saving and comforting local populations, also known as "Operation Raping Local Women".
Strategists in the Indonesian Navy developed an ingenious naval tactic: suicidal ramming. The victims include Malaysian warships in international waters, often deviously disguised by the evil Malaysian government with civilian markings, women and children, no weapons, and the misleading cries of "Wait! Don't shoot! We're really just tourists, for God's sake! Stop it! Please!" No Indonesian captain has ever been fooled by such lies. Other targets include whatever ships and rowboats the Navy fancies ramming. 
The highly-trained Indonesian Commando Special Forces (KOPASUS) have, to date, killed billions of criminals and suspicious persons, which is an amazing accomplishment, especially considering that there are only 270 million people in Indonesia.
==Demographics==
Marrying an Indonesian woman is ill-advised, unless one is a masochist or includes a prenuptial clause denying all forms of alimony.
====Ethnic Groups====
The majority of Indonesians live in fragrant slums, according to traditional Indonesian values. Some groups include:
*Preman: Not just punk in style, these dudes are also punk in behavior. Although, they don't know The Sex Pistols and only know local indie bands. They like finding trouble and bad fights.
*Alay: Not like those western Emos, they are disgusting and their songs are even worse. Th3y 4l50 LikEZ T0 sp34K LIk3 TH3ze.
*Maling and Jambret: Usually seen at night and at local police stations after being knocked out. Watch out in the backalley, they love to get your things or don't forget to lock your doors if don't want your goods to disappear tonight!
*New Rich(Orang kaya baru): These people compromise young executives' shit. Always go to nightclubs to get laid and drunk to spend their holy-fucking-lots-of cash.
*and many more but I can't tell you
Now you already know what you want!! Want more?? Wait next week. (even not the original author edit this, still unless there isn't anybody out there edit this crap)
thumb|Do not ever try to take a train ride because you need to reserve your chair first or else.
====Minorities====
*Speciesism: Indonesian society has not just overcome racism, but they have also overcome speciesism. In fact, rats and other rodents are given full citizenship in Indonesia and are free to roam the cities, particularly Jakarta. They also have the right to vote. Many rodents obtain employment in the public sector, even serving in political parties and key government positions.
*Normal people: Some.
==Economy==
Indonesia's economy is booming, becoming a first world country in the next one or two decades, mostly because their Politicians are economical geniuses, although many are corrupt (which is why Indonesia still lacks the features of infrastructure common in poorer countries). As a result, extremely rich Indonesians are considered middle class and the rest are considered lower class (which to their standards are considered normal).
===Tourism===
If you are a tourist, then come to Indonesia! Everything is cheap here: cheap hotels, cheap games, expensive foods, cheap women, ,cheap babies, cheap head, cheap neck; everything is cheap! Just remember that you, as a tourist, may be beheaded, hanged, or killed in a terrorist act at any time for any or no reason. You may also awake with some organs removed from your body, and a bill for the surgery (Rp1 billion) will be sent to your embassy. How cool is that!
===Prostitution===
Prostitution is beyond an occupation in Indonesia, p. It is a religion. A way of life, although they are a tiny minority. Some popular non-prostitution occupations in Indonesia include busking and panhandling. Most Indonesian street musicians are panhandlers, and vice versa. These panhandler-musicians sometimes scratch cars with coins out of spite. Related occupations include Extortionist of Money from Random Passing Cars and Professional Accident Victim.
Rich farming is a common occupation in Indonesia. Most rich farmers are people who live in somewhere else from their farm. The roles of rich farmers include cooking, cleaning, farming money, and corporate accounting.
Theft is also a popular occupation. However, Indonesians frown on getting caught while stealing. Apprehension is considered a major faux pas reflecting a serious lack of professionalism. The usual punishment for a thief is execution, though many thieves are pardoned if they pay a fine, as long as payment is made in the form of successfully stolen goods.
===Exports===
Note: Exports in Bold Italics are only exported by corrupt Indonesians that later get arrested by Indonesian Police and prohibited by the Indonesia Goverment.
The primary exports from corrupted Indonesians are corruption, slave labor, and terrorism. Exports from both corrupt and non-corrupt Indonesians include:
*Human body parts
*Worn flip-flops
*Corrupt officials for Switzerland, China, and Singapore
*Cadavers of Australian drug smugglers disguised as a tourist accused of drug smuggling to Australia
*(flat) Boobs
*Prostitutes to Malaysia
*Babies To Israel
*Low class maids to Singapore, Taiwan, Saudi Arabia and Hong Kong
*House maids to Saudi Arabia that later (illegally) get killed by their Saudi Arabian employer
*High-tech machinery, cars, and computer to less advanced Southeast Asian countries, China, Japan, Israel, globally.
*High-tech weapons and aircrafts globally
*High-tech innovations to poor, less advanced, and more advanced countries
*Java
===Imports===
Indonesia's main imports are pirated software and DVDs, financial aid, and recreational drugs. Other imports to Indonesia include:
*Human body parts
*Australian youth importing drugs into Bali (later re-exported to Australia as cadavers, courtesy of the government of Indonesia)
*Hummel figurines
*Made in China goods
*Worn flip-flops
===Businesses===
Indonesia is home to many illegal and unofficial businesses. You will find many people selling foods at traffic jam (asongan) and you can buy the goods directly while driving. Their business is prohibited by the government. In the airport, you will find many illegal taxis offering you for a ride. At corners, you will find some corrupt police officers that control the traffic and force you to pay.
Almost all CDs are pirated, especially DVD, PS2, XBOX360, and VCD discs. You can actually sell anything you want without any permission.
==Culture==
To the Malaysians and Singaporeans, there is nothing that can honestly be considered culture in Indonesia. But in fact, Indonesians are mostly Muslim and a small minority are money-worshippers, religiously corrupted, and lazy (as a way of life). However, despite these people still being called "Orang Maling" ("Thief People") by (communist) Singapore, and Maling-Asia {Asian thieves}, some parts of Indonesia, such as Bali, the Sultan of Yogyakarta and his family, a minority of Muslims called Abangan Muslims still possess the deeper adopted Indian culture; as opposed to made up tales about Babah and Nyonya having sex and playing mahjong everyday.
===Language===
Most Malays speak a local dialect of Malay. Indoneisan was based on Malay and considered by few to be a distinct language, since Malay comes from the KFC Kingdom of Melayu Jambi in Palembang in Indonesia. Neighbouring Malaysians are too fucking stupid and Arab anus-lickers culturally proud that they speak the original Malay to bother pronouncing, and make grammatically correct Malay words. These examples illustrate the linguistic divergence of Indonesian from the so-called Standard Malaysian Malay or "King's Malay":
Intended meaning 	Indonesian description 	Malaysian interpretation
Childbirth Hospital 	Hospital Korban Lelaki 	Clinic for the Victims of Men
The Ground Army 	Laskar Hentak-Hentak Bumi 	Troops Stomping the Earth
Veterans Association 	Laskar Tak Berguna 	Troops of Useless Soldiers
The Navy 	Laskar Basah Kuyup 	Troops Soaked Wet
Ministry of Law and Human Rights	Kementrian Tuduh Menuduh 	Ministry of Accusations
Ministry of Religion 	Kementrian Tak Berdosa 	Ministry without Sins
Ministry of Mineral Resources 	Kementrian Gali Lubang 	Ministry of Digging Holes
Ministry of Forestry 	Kementrian Semak Belukar 	Ministry of Thorny Shrubs and Bushes
Foreign Ministry 	Kementrian Seberang Lautan	Ministry Across the Sea
Refrigerator 	Peti Sejuk 	Cold Coffin
Psychiatric Hospital 	Gubuk Gila 	Crazy Hut
Security Guard 	Penunggu Maling 	Thief Waiter
I 	Awak 	Crew
Automobile 	Kereta 	Train
Joystick 	Batang Senang 	Happy Stick
You 	Awak 	Crew
Free 	Percuma 	Hopeless
The Indonesian Malay dialect originated from various grunts and rants uttered during sexual intercourse. Subsequently, these unintelligible sounds evolved into a more sophisticated method of communication in which all participants pretend to understand each other. 
Regardless of the origin, Indonesian is a very simple language. Some grammatical elements are absent, including personal pronouns, verbal adjectives, dangling modifiers, and dative conjunctions. Later development also discarded verbs, adjectives, nouns, and adverbs. These developments have been praised by expert linguists as "pretty cool, yo!" as they render the language very easy to learn. This trend has reversed. To add sophistication, most contemporary Indonesian literature inserted new grammatical features, such as dialectal expletive causal modal dative verbal third-person conjugative adjectival imperative constructs, as well as other more complex structures.
Popular Indonesian names usually starts with su-, such as: Sukarno, Suharto, Sudirman, Susilo, Sudimampir, Sumarjinah, Suminem, Sukiyem, Superman, Sumringah, Su Asu, Sundal, Susu, Suffer, Suck, Suka Suka gw, Suka Suka lo, Sumpah aneh abis, Subble .
====Secondary Languages====
Due to pressure and intimidation from various civilizations, Indonesians have been reluctantly forced to adopt several foreign languages. Some of such languages are artificially made to be difficult just to confuse the Indonesians. The native Indonesians eventually realized this, and responded by severely corrupting the foreign languages to the point that they are incomprehensible; ironically, the Indonesians didn't even intend to corrupt these languages on purpose. The inability of Indonesian students to learn foreign languages has produced unusual dialects. Some butchered Indonesian language variants include:
*HEbrews
Today in Indonesia, many people speak Hebrew.
*Broken Dutch (obsolete)
A failed attempt by the Dutch to teach Indonesians their language resulted in broken Dutch, which annoyed the Dutch and Indonesians alike. Eventually, the Dutch remembered that their own language is merely retarded German and that nobody, not even the Dutch, can figure out the difference between Dutch and Danish, and nobody cares anyway, so they just gave up. 
*Broken English
Broken English consists primarily of out-of-context quotations from pirated American movies. It is not unusual to hear an Indonesian attempt to greet an American or British tourist with statements like "Hasta la vista, baby." or "I am your father, Luke." or even "Shut the fuck up, Donnie." 
*Mispronounced Arabic
Since Islam is the main superstition in Indonesia, and the Qur'an, or Kerrang, is only written in Arabic, some Indonesians have tried to learn Arabic. Besides being written right-to-left, exactly the opposite of normal languages, Arabic is, of course, also spoken backwards. Confused Indonesians often attempt to compensate by standing on their heads.
*Incorrect Mandarin
Given China's proximity and influence on Indonesia, Mandarin might seem to be a natural lingua franca for Indonesia, but most Indonesians merely point to whatever looks good on the menu rather than bothering to learn the language. 
*Erroneous Japanese
Many Indonesians have dealings with the Japanese. Tired of attempting to communicate in Engrish, many Indonesians have attempted to learn Japanese. Many have been quite successful, even mastering the out-of-sync mouth movements so popular among Japanese speakers. Unfortunately, the Indonesians are usually performing oral sex on the Japanese while speaking and are nearly impossible to understand anyway.
*Bahasa Indonesia
At some point Indonesians were no longer able to recognize from language comes which word or grammatical structure and how to use them correctly. That's how Bahasa Indonesia has been created. This language consists of parts of all those broken languages that are/were used in India... uhm... Indonesia. But this part about the India may be true as well.
===Sports===
The popular sport is soccer with a corrupt national football federation, funny league, and cannibalistic soccer fans who is ready to kill and eat their rivals.
==See also==
*Bali
*Djarums
*Money
*Corruption
*Pornography
*Monkey
*Orangutan
*uncultured state
*Poland (They stole our flag!)
*Monaco (We stole their flag!)
Category:Indonesia
Category:Islands
Category:Vital articles
bar:Indonesien
da:Indonesien
eo:Indonezio
es:Indonesia
fa:اندونزی
fi:Indonesia
fr:Indonésie
id:Indonesia
it:Indonesia
ja:インドネシア
ko:인도네시아
mn:Индонез
ms:Indonesia
nds:Indonesien
nl:Indonesië
no:Indonesia
pl:Indonezja
pt:Indonésia
tr:Endonezya
zh:印度尼西亚
zh-tw:印尼