Spongebob Squarepants: The day Spongebob shat himself

So, I'm currently writing this from the Bikini Bottom Sanatarium, my legs are being chewed off by rats who found and demolished my secret stash of Viagra, my house is on fire, and I'm surrounded by dead memes.
Let me explain.
So, it was a peaceful day in Bikini Bottom. I wake up, groggily rubbing my eyes and taking in my surroundings. My pet snail Gary is choking on a razor blade he found after I smashed some lines of cocaine.
I breath a deep sigh and fall out of my bed, bending my toe beyond its capabilities and tearing multiple tendons in the process, I shriek in pain as though someone is pulling me inside out through my anus and stumble backwards, bumping into Gary who shoots out the razor that was stuck in his throat, which gets stuck inside of my ass, I pull it out and it shoots across the room, bouncing off of various objects until it comes for my penis, slicing it off in the process. Hyper realistic blood is shooting across the walls like gunfire on Omaha Beach. I fear that I may bleed to death..
And then I shit myself.
It wasn't mild either, it came flooding out, tearing my asscheeks apart and making it seem like I have an ass boner.
I hear the sound of police sirens outside my house, the sounds of radio chatter, the banging of battering ram against door, and then multiple SWAT units tactically breach the doorway to my bedroom, pointing their firearms at me. One of them shouts "GET DOWN ON THE GROUND, YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!"
I am confused. I attempt to explain that I have done nothing wrong, but it's hard to convince them of that as I have shat myself, bleeding from my dick like the gunfire of Berlin, cocaine on my bedside table, and a half-attached toe.
I am taken into a SWAT truck, they transport me to a hyper realistic police station.
The back doors open, they take me out and shove me into the building, dragging me over to an interrogation room.
"WHY DID YOU DO IT, SPONGLEBAB SQUACKPANT?" the interrogator screams, his penis bulging out of his pants in fury.
"OFFICER I'M INNOCENT, I TELL YOU, I HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG, I AM A PERFECTLY LAW ABIDING UNITED STATES MIDDLE-CLASS WHITE CHRISTIAN, HETEROSEXUAL, CISGENDERED MALE WHO HAS DONE NOTHING WRONG, TRUST ME, I ABIDE BY THE LAW LIKE A PERSON WHO ABIDES BY THE LAW, SCIENCE, SPACE, HISTORY, TIME, ALL OF THESE FACTORS, ALL OF THEM, THEY COME INTO PLACE TO ENSURE THAT I'M INNOCENT AND CAPABLE OF NO SUCH CRIME!"
I am flung into the mental institution mentioned above, I cry, cry the tears of a man, a man, A MAN, who has done nothing wrong, I take off my pants and shove my face into my fecal matter, mumbling indescribable things that no human mind could conjure, the 12-dimensional future flies into consciousness, it describes fire, death, and furry porn.
First, a troll face, secondly a Sparta meme, third, a Doge meme, they circle around me like vultures, I have flashbacks, flashbacks, FLASHBACKS.
The dead memes, they close in on me, my ears are filled with static. This is the end, I know it...
"في الجحيم، ليس هناك راحة.
الرؤية، والسمع، والانتقال، تجتاح، والشعور.
الهروب."
Category:Trollpasta
Category:SpongeBob
Category:Potty Humor
Category:Memes
Category:I CAN HAZ TRANSLATION?
Category:Title that makes babbies laugh