Yanny and Laurel

Alright, so as you obviously know by now, there's an
Internet sensation going around in which people listen to an audio clip that's
supposed to say, and apparently in actuality does say, 'Laurel'... but there's a
catch to it. It's astounded the everyday, common citizen, until they learned of
the scientific facts. The scary situation is, or was: some people hear 'Yanny'
instead of 'Laurel', which has caused people all sorts of fuss all over the
place, as it makes us wonder how much of our everyday conversations is being
misinterpreted. We may think that we're saying one thing—and, in actually, we
would be saying that one thing—but it would be misinterpreted by the other
person as being another. For some of us out there, it's just... disturbing. Think
of how many marriages have broken down, or killings have been executed, over
something like this.
The good news is that it's been explained, demystifying the
eeriness forever and always: aural scientists have proven that the reason
people are hearing different things is because of the frequency of the clips. People
with supposedly 'younger' ears are hearing Yanny, while older are hearing
Laurel. One study shows the average age of Yanny listeners to be 29, while the
average age of Laurel listeners is 37. Therefore, there's research to back up the
theory. Scientific evidence, for a scientific theory.
But wait: there's more. Where things get really interesting
is when people hear other things—perhaps nonsense words, such as 'Yanno' or 'Noyal'.
What this is said to show is that not everyone falls cleanly into a camp of
frequency sensation that leads to a clear 'Yanny' or 'Laurel' perception. Folks
who fall in-between hear something that sounds like a blend between the two, or
even something that sounds slightly different from either word. But it's all O.K.:
again, it's just a matter of sensory perception. Scientific research backs that
up.
So, all in all... you can rest easy. It's all just a matter of
brain science, so why lose sleep over such a frivolous matter? It isn't like the
phenomenon is some subliminal mind game mastered by parents who named their
daughter Laurel and their son Yanny, and are trying to secretly implant their
names into our brains so that we can greet our future world dictators with a
sense of awe and reverence. You can put your mind at ease, and rest well. There's
been a rational explanation for this mystery, just like there's a logical
reason for everything. It's backed by science.
... O.K., seriously: you have nothing to worry about. Relax
your mind. You have absolutely no reason to be concerned. It's science. When
scientists speak, we listen, because they've got the goods. The knowledge. The
pearls of wisdom. You're better off deliberating over something else. Ain't it
a little hotter than it was last year? Is that dress blue or gold? No, wait, that
was also resolved by science. Everything is resolved by science. Ah, the great
science that solves everything, and puts all human anxieties to rest. We can
just wake up and live every single day for the rest of our lives, enjoy our specialty
foods and air conditioning, and breathe easy. Have a cup of tea.
You know, it's been getting a little warmer lately. Maybe
you should go surfing. Beach bum around a little bit. Pick up some surfer babes,
or whatever it is that you're into. It's an easy life. Sure, we're all gonna
die someday, but ain't no use worrying about that sort of thing. Take a load off!
Play some video games with your friends. Have an ice cold can of coke. You
know, it's been getting a little warmer lately.
Finally, it's time that I reveal the secret knowledge that
will save our planet Earth from an untimely demise. Please listen carefully,
because it is of the utmost importance, Yanny. But please keep in mind that there's
nothing to worry about, Laurel, as long as you listen closely and attentively
and put in the solution that I, as a scientist, am conveying to you.
Now, a lot of people have crazy ideas about what the
apocalypse will be like, Laurel. But you shouldn't be so concerned. So
concerned. Yanny. Yanno. The important thing, well. I know the secret to
solving any problem that we might ever face when it gets too warm, Laurel. It's
because Lauro. Yeilo. Yolo. The fact of the matter is we can reverse all of the
devastating effects on our planet by Yanny. Isn't that amazing? See, I told you
there's nothing to worry about. It's true that our planet is about to end a
week from now if we don't do anything Laurel, but that's why I'm giving you
this information right now, so that YannyLaurelYannyLeo can occur, preventing
the meteoroid from crashing into planet Earth. That's the source of all of that
amazing heat that will wipe us all away and roast us alive if we don't get
acting right now.
But don't worry. Just implement it ASAP. LaurelYannyLaurYanOloYeyla.
You don't need to be worried about whether this will actually work: remember,
it's science. And once we implement this science, our planet will have eons
upon eons ahead, to grow in more scientific knowledge, Yolo. Instead of facing
a terrible doomsday scenario next Saturday that will melt off our flesh and
disintegrate our skeletons. Man... that would've been devastating.
Don't you agree, Laurel?
I'd say so, Yanny.
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