Samuel Is Missing

Massachusetts PD – Case number 90.123442312 – Investigation into the disappearance of Samuel J. Ackson
The following is a transcription from a thread of texts sent between two people, a man and his mother. The man was last seen going into the woods of Salem on Friday 9/4/2020. They are all left in their original state with any spelling and grammatical errors in tact. The investigation is ongoing.
9/4/2020 3:22 A.M Sam – Yo bitch, u up?
9/4/2020 5:30 A.M Jane – Sam, I have asked you repeatedly to call me mom. What's up honey.
9/4/2020 5:32 A.M Sam – Sorry, u know how autocorrect be doin me dirty. Neway how you know if you got AIDS
9/4/2020 5:32 A.M Sam – askin for a friend
9/4/2020 5:35 A.M Jane – Jesus Sam... you would go to a doctor and they would test you.
9/4/2020 5:36 A.M Sam – I SAID I WAS ASKIN FOR A FRIEND, you so judgmental.
9/4/2020 5:39 A.M Jane – Sam, go to a doctor. Your insurance card is in your wallet.
9/4/2020 5:45 A.M Sam – My wallet got jacked at a heroin deal
9/4/2020 5:45 A.M Sam – Herobrine* I was trying to do a deal in minecraft
9/4/2020 5:46 A.M Jane – God damnit Sam
9/4/2020 5:49 A.M Jane – I have a copy at the house. Come home and pick it up and go straight to the doctor.
9/4/2020 5:55 A.M Sam – Like I said, I WAS ASKING FOR A FRIEND!!!!! But I will stop home and grab the card doe. I just gotta run and grab some coke first.
9/4/2020 5:55 A.M Sam – A COLA!!!
9/4/2020 6:01 A.M Jane – Jesus
9/4/2020 11:13 A.M Sam – Holy shit that was some good coke. God damn I cant feel my face rn. I need to re up, can I come by.
9/4/2020 11:14 A.M Jane – Wrong number Sam
9/4/2020 11:37 A.M Sam – someone took my phone and texted u that as a joke. Can you overdose on weed?
9/4/2020 11:39 A.M Sam – off subject, how u know if you got gone are ea. Or however you spell that shit. Gonna reeea. That shit that make yo dick sting when you piss
9/4/2020 11:41 A.M Jane – Jesus...... GO TO A DOCTOR
9/4/2020 11:45 A.M Sam – I WAS ASKING FOR A FRIEND!!!!!
9/4/2020 11:55 A.M Jane – of course you were
9/4/2020 11:56 A.M Sam – don't gone arrrea shame me bitch. I don't judge you for drinking a glass of wine every Saturday night. Double standards like a mofo
9/4/2020 11:58 A.M Jane – please don't text me anymore
9/4/2020 1:23 P.M Sam – yo bitch, is gonereeea whore editary....like did I get that shit from you??
9/4/2020 1:45 P.M Jane – No Sam, you didn't get Gonorrhea from me. You got you got it from the floozies you hang out with all the time.
9/4/2020 2:32 P.M Sam – don't slut shame me bitch. It's 2020.
9/4/2020 2:35 P.M Sam - *mom, autocorrect at it again
9/4/2020 9:23 P.M Sam – Yo how u know if you got anal warts? My asshole be itching like a mother fucker.
9/4/2020 9:34 P.M Sam – no disrespec, you sleepin
9/4/2020 9:34 P.M Sam - Yo
9/4/2020 9:45 P.M Sam – You up bitch???
9/4/2020 9:54 P.M Sam – yo I'm in the woods rn. It cold af out here
9/4/2020 9:55 P.M Sam – yo, you ever try acid. Like the drug, not the battery kind or that kind in breakin bad that broke the tub. Broke it bad loloololol
9/4/2020 10:55 P.M Sam – yo how you know if you did too much acid
9/4/2020 10:56 P.M Sam – oh my bad I thought u was google
9/4/2020 11:34 P.M Sam – oh shit yo a monster chasing mee
9/4/2020 11:35 P.M Sam – yo that monster got an ax
9/4/2020 11:43 P.M Sam – yo that monster do got big ass tiddies doe, they kinda hairy but in a sexy way you kno. Im hidin behind a tree but I may ask it if it DTF
9/4/2020 11:45 P.M Sam – the monster was not DTF
9/4/2020 11:54 P.M Sam – Yo can I come by and get that insurance card. That monster chopped my arm off. Still runnin doe
9/4/2020 11:55 P.M Sam – Yo can they sow an arm back on
9/4/2020 11:55 P.M Sam – Shit my b I though u was google again
9/4/2020 11:57 P.M Sam – Yo they cant sow an arm back on if the monster ate it. Feeling kinda bad rn. Hit me up if yo free.
9/4/2020 11:59 P.M Sam – can a witch doctor reconnect an arm. Or like a wizard or something.
9/4/2020 11:59 P.M Sam – Siri where is the nearest wizzard
9/4/2020 11:59 P.M Sam – damn, last time I swear, text messages look just like google bc they both have words. You know how to use Siri, I cant figure that shit out
9/5/2020 3:22 A.M Jane – Sam are you alright!?!?
9/5/2020 3:22 A.M Jane – Sam!!!!
9/5/2020 3:22 A.M Jane – Sam!!!!!!
9/5/2020 3:34 A.M Sam – directions to Waffle House
9/5/2020 3:35A.M Sam – Oh shit you not google
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:English Class Failure
Category:DIALOGUE!
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep