British Olden Tymes Grand Post-Renaissance Hullabalo Sir Francis Drake McCloud English.

"They told me to put it in English. I told them it was in English, just British English. After that my name became synonymous with queer." 
:Patrick Kiley on British Olden Tymes Grand Post-Renaissance Hullabalo Sir Francis Drake McCloud English
A way of speaking developed in the 1500s, this form of language has since died, and will probably never be resurrected for physical use, though each year hundreds of thousands, maybe millions are forced to endure its nonsensical thought patterns and illogical structure. Whether its a political treatise, or just some kind of tragic, quite homosexual play about quite obviously homosexual males and their problems in being gay, this language can make even the most simple of phrases such as "Hello," into icredibly unnecessarily long jibberish.
 
The fact of the matter is: this was how gays talked back then. Oh wait everyone talked like this back then. Yeah that does sound about right.
==What is British Olden Tymes Grand Post-Renaissance Hullabalo Sir Francis Drake McCloud English?==
Ever read John Locke? How about Calvin? Shakespeare? Thought as much. Any english writer of the late 1500s to early 1800s? Then you have obviously encountered British Olden Tymes Grand Post-Renaissance Hullabalo Sir Francis Drake McCloud English. Like the name implies this language was created by the British, its pretty grand, or at the very least, rustic, and was created after the Renaissance. 
What is all that other jibberish you ask? Well we'll get to that.
==Tymes?==
Yes, Tymes. 'Nuff said. 
Not to confused with the flavorful spice, Thyme.
This is how the people who spoke British Olden Tymes Grand Post-Renaissance Hullabalo Sir Francis Drake McCloud English pronounced the American word "Time."
===Other recognizeable words in British Olden Tymes Grand Post-Renaissance Hullabalo Sir Francis Drake McCloud English:===
*Pubbe
*Humour
*Honour
*Colour
*Gay
*Olde
==Now, whats is with the Hullabalo Sir Francis Drake McCloud?==
Good questions! Let's take a leaf of John Locke's good ole "Two Treatises:"
Here, it is like, the common question will be made, "Who shall be judge, whether the prince or legislative act contrary to their trust?" This, perhaps, ill-affected and factious men may spread amongst the people, when the prince only makes use of his due prerogative. To this I reply, "The people shall be judge;" for who shall be judge whether his trustee or deputy acts well, and according to the trust reposed in him, but he who deputes him, and must, by having deputed him, have still a power to discard him, when he fails in his trust? If this be reasonable in particular cases of private men, why should it be otherwise in that of the greatest moment, where the welfare of millions is concerned, and also where the evil, if not prevented, is greater, and the redress very difficult, dear, and dangerous?
''
But farther, this question ("Who shall be judge?") cannot mean that there is no judge at all: for where there is no judicature on earth, to decide controversies amongst men, God in heaven is judge. He alone, it is true, is judge of the right. But every man is judge for himself, as in all other cases, so in this, whether another hath put himself into a state of war with him, and whether he should appeal to the supreme Judge, as Jephthah did.''
If a controversy arise betwixt a prince and some of the people, in a matter where the law is silent or doubtful, and the thing be of great consequence, I should think the proper umpire, in such a case, should be the body of the people: for in cases where the prince hath a trust reposed in him, an dis dispensed from the common ordinary rules of the law; there, if any men find themselves aggrieved, and think the prince cacts contrary to, or beyond that trust, who so proper to judge as the body of the people, (who, at first, lodged that trust in him) how far they meant it should extend? But if the prince, or whoever they be in the administration, decline that way of determination, the appeal then lies nowhere but to Heaven; force between either persons, who have no known superior on earth, or which permits no appeal to a judge on earth, being properly a state of war, wherein the appeal lies only to Heaven; and in that state the injured party must judge for himself, when he will think fit to make use of that appeal, and put himself upon it.
To conclude, The power that every individual gave the society, when he entered into it, can never revert to the individuals again, as long as the society lasts, but will always remain in the community; because without this there can be no community, no commonwealth, which is contrary to the original agreement: so also when the society hath placed the legislative in any assembly of men, to continue in them and their successors, with direction and authority for providing such successors, the legislative can never revert to the people whilst that government lasts; because, having provided a legislative with power to continue for ever, they have given up their political power to the legislative, and cannot resume it. But if they have set limits to the duration of their legislative, and made this supreme power in any person, or assembly, only temporary; or else, when by the miscarriages of those in authority it is forfeited; upon the forfeiture, or at the determination of the time set, it reverts to the society, and the people have a right to act as supreme, and continue the legislative in themselves; or erect a new form, or under the old form place it in new hands, as they think good.
Now that you've read all that, look back and ask yourself: am I any smarter then I was at the onset of that? The correct and only answer is no. You'd have easily spent that time saying "Hullabalo Sir Francis Drake McCloud." 
The origin however of this phrase is quite simple. When the British King (whom we know today as King of All Cosmos) read the Two Treatises he immediately sent for a translator, the late Sir Francis Drake McCloud. When arrived and explained the nearly incomprehensible babble rife with run ons, broken ideas and words such as "forfeiture" he was unable to say anything to the King. In confession he said "this crap has no meaning, your majesty!" In response the famous words were uttered: "hullabalo Sir Francis Drake McCloud!" It was shortly after this that the late McCloud was sent to venom airspace to take down Andross and was conviently "betrayed" by Pigma Dengar.
In honour of his tragic death, whether or not it was foul play was not discerned, or thurougly investigated at the time, the scholars, fags, and writers of the time, in the honor of the brave, honorable man, would later rename the language from "Fab-Speak" to British Olden Tymes Grand Post-Renaissance Hullabalo Sir Francis Drake McCloud English in his memory.
==So what is this all really?==
The language can be summed up in a number of ways, all for different reasons and sources.
===The High School GED Seeker's Summation===
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*They didn't know what American was back then.
*John Locke wasn't a fan of the ladies. The Fag.
*Shakespeare was a fag.
*Well, most men back then were fags.
*Why do we have to read this??!
*Fuck this, I'm gonna go huff some kittens.
*In Soviet Russia kitten huff Chuck Norris.
===The High School Excellence Award Seeker===
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*Sometimes just because something makes no sense that doesn't make its literary value worthless.
*Still, getting into college on literary value is going to be hard.
*Seeing as jocks are the only ones who get scholarships...
*And What can you actually do with a BA in English Language?
*On second thought screw this....
*Why DO we have to read this?
===College Student===
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*Is it time to write up that paper about John Locke?
*I coulda sworn we had to write a paper about some dude name John.
*I once had a friend name John, he used to lock his bike up at school.
*I wish I was still living at home.
*John Locke? Who the fuck is that?!
===Any English Teacher or Professor===
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*To students: This work has tremendous literary and historical value as a work of art. As you make your way through it, be sure to note any and all things that stand out to you.
*To Colleagues: I told them it had "tremendous literary and historical value as a work of art" and they BELIEVED ME!!!
*To Self: I know there was nothing you could do with a BA in English, I should have screwed that class.
===Oscar Wilde===
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*We'd talk like this to get the guys.
*I remember when we started using the dialect, there was a whole confusion of the proper usage of "Fabulature."
*I'd hit it. I tapped most of that ass that used it.
==In Conclusion==
British Olden Tymes Grand Post-Renaissance Hullabalo Sir Francis Drake McCloud English is an archaic and dead form of what we now call BCE or British Crappy English. It consists of older, more obscure usages of words we use today and was mainly used as a mastabatory aide by lonely horny English men, between the orgies of course. It is only really useful for killing a grue, but thats damn near impossible.
==See Also==
*Britain
*British
*England
*English
*John Locke
*Oscar Wilde
*Books
*School
*Words