Wawaiathan

A Blaseball trade is not an exorcism. When Hobbs Cain was traded from Canada to Philadelphia, he believed that he was leaving the evolutionary, helicopter parental figure known to him as “The Leviathan” behind. Dreadfully incorrect. The Wawaiathan is said to be conjured by Cain on his first day of becoming a member of the Philly Blaseball team, though no one can confirm his story of its first appearance. While getting acquainted to his new home field, a stronger than normal Point Breeze breeze saw Cain’s signature jacket blown from the diamond up into the concourse. In a desperate attempt to rescue his trademark, he sprinted around a corner and knocked over the Pies’ mascot “Philling”. This accidental takedown caused the walking pie to burst open and release four and twenty blackbirds that quickly coalesced into a giant goose. The Philling's crust quickly sealed itself and it walked off as if nothing had happened. The successful retrieval of his jacket saw Hobbs retain his stubborn image, but this distressing event left him repeatedly murmuring to himself that “The Wawaiathan has awakened."
Unlike its Canadian counterpart, the Wawaiathan didn’t need Hobbs Cain. The ghastly goose made itself right at home after its arrival to the City of Brotherly Love during . Cain met a crispy conclusion in as he was incinerated on Day 10. With this newly created void in the Wawaiathan’s life, it sought to fill its time with a sense of purpose and worth. The truest form of the beast was born.
The shadow figure having spent nearly its entire life around Blaseball, recognized a way for it to continue to display authority in the only thing it ever knew…money. After buttering up board members with Sizzlis and coffee (the same viscosity of motor oil) the Wawaiathan gave an enthusiastically caffeinated speech about why he should be on the board and his financial plans for the franchise. After 45 minutes, woozy from the sugar and cream, the board members unanimously voted the goose onto the board and into the position of the new CFO. The old CFO, Harold Lilywoman, was dragged out of the meeting and promptly tossed out of the facility. Some say they still see him on South Street panhandling for pizza and shouting “WHAT'S GOOD FOR THE GOOSE ISN'T GOOD FOR THE GANDER!” (confusing & scaring those trying to snap a candid photo of him)
If anyone were ever to find the “end” of the labyrinth that runs underneath Tastykake Stadium they would find the office of the Wawaiathan. Its murky dealings are appropriately concealed in an even murkier den. It is here that this mastermind of monetary movement has concocted royally mischievous financial doings for the Philly Pies. He has his feathers in all aspects of the Pies business plans; Jawn racing, winning streak ticket price increases, losing streak ticket price increases, soft pretzel sales, cheesesteak crypto currency, Nickel Beer Night, and of course the infamous Ms. Mascot Pageant of Season 10 (this is still being sorted out in the court system, its next appeal is to the US Supreme Court)
He retains his shroud of mystery due to the simple fact that is rarely seen by the public. The fact that he no longer has one man to constantly belittle, he has taken to making his occasional presence known only to the players and other members of the front office as a dark reminder of who really pulls the purse strings. He is the aviary embodiment of the maniacal, insatiable capitalist and his relationship with the large financial backer/landlord CastCom makes him one of the most powerful non-players in all of Blaseball.
With the Wawaiathan assuming financial control of the Pies just three seasons ago, his actions are only bolstered because of his relationship with CastCom. parking rates are expected to climb to an eye-watering $40/car, beer prices start at $14, and local Pies beat reporters have unearthed documents discussing incentive plans including “A family platter of Gobbler sandwiches and discounted two year cable TV contracts” for new Pies season ticket holders. It should be noted that in typical Philadelphia fashion, the blue collared Flans put up with these increases because if it translates to production on the field, they’ll pay whatever it takes. These predatory financial practices are nothing new for a city that needs more corruption like the devil needs another fireplace. A city of fervent splorts fans in combination with early successes has allowed the team and more importantly The Wawaiathan/CastCom to accrue a war chest the likes of Blaseball has never seen. The Philly Pies are one of, if not the most, financially secure team in the league, but some wonder if the juice is worth the squeeze.