5658: The Infinite Wisdom of Garfield... Or Seven Seasons' Worth, At Least

== Explanation ==
The author's notes explain how this strip's premise came to be. Due to the author's image-editing setup only supporting 4096 pixels in each direction, the author used the 600-pixel-wide size strips as the source material for this strip despite having otherwise moved on to higher quality material at this point (this strip was created before iToons 794: Ridiculous Future Inflation of 1935 and that strip's usage of online file-splitting and file-merging technologies).
Several details on some of the additional stuff the author threw in:
*Panel 4: The logo thrown in is a logo in the style of what is now World Wrestling Entertainment actually used at the time. This is a later recreation of the logo; the actual logo was based on the promotion's name at the time, World Wrestling Federation, prior to the promotion losing a legal battle over that name's acronym.
*Panel 15: The pizza logos were thrown in to poke fun at the pizza drift highlighted in 4697: Lasagna Versus Pizza, or, Turtles Killed The Lasagna Star.
*Panel 26: A badge with Lyman's face on it was thrown in to poke fun at the fact that Lyman never appeared on Garfield and Friends.
*Panel 29: Having not actually seen Garfield and Friends for many years, the author cued in the wrong U.S. Acres/Orson's Farm chicken; the author cued in Roy, however it was Booker that wrote on the logo.
*Panel 32: The author threw in Blue and Cody to poke fun at the fact that they, unlike most other U.S. Acres/Orson's Farm characters, never appeared on Garfield and Friends.
*Panel 43: As explained in the author's notes, a different font was used here due to this quote having only been sighted on prints of the high-definition remastered version of Garfield and Friends. If the quote in this panel was indeed specifically made for the remastered version, it is not Lorenzo Music voicing Garfield for this line; he died in 2001, many years before the remastering efforts began.
*Panel 63: Thrown in partly to poke fun at the trope known as "Seinfeld is Unfunny" at the time this strip was made (the trope in question had been renamed to "Once Original, Now Common" between submission and runtime, but has since been renamed back to "Seinfeld is Unfunny" since this strip first ran).
*Panel 75: The author initially thought of the original Saved by the Bell, as programming of that type displaced cartoons on NBC; the author did, however, think to check series runs in comparison to the episode the quote originally appeared in, and found the original date in question came after Saved by the Bell ended its run, thus the The New Class spinoff was thrown in instead.
*Panel 78: Notably the first visual appearance of Penelope Pussycat in Square Root of Minus Garfield; she had been singing on a television not facing the reader in 5609: Garf, Interrupted, but prior to that she had only been mentioned in author's notes.
*Panel 81: An anachronistic Jewelery Television logo was used due to the fact that the network wasn't known by a jewelery-specific name at the point of Garfield and Friends the quote used in the panel ran; the network was called "America's Collectibles Network" at the time, and didn't adopt the name Jewelery Television until 2002.
*Panel 85: The phone number thrown into this panel is one verified invalid in North American telephone schemes (not only is Garfield and Friends an American series, Garfield is set in Muncie, Indiana in that country, and this strip's author is American, hence the usage of the American telephone scheme); the first digit after the area code must be between 2 and 9 to be valid. 178 was chosen as it contains three digits of the year the Garfield strip debuted. The usage of 555 itself was avoided due to the fact that, in toll-free area codes such as 800, the vast majority of 555 numbers can, in fact, be valid, something that stung The Last of Us; the author had done a lookup search and found that the core numbers that would make up 1-800-555-GARF was a potentially valid number, and thus the author opted to go to a verified invalid range of numbers to avoid a potential trap.
*Panel 86: The author threw in a character from the episode in question randomly; interestingly, the character in question had her eye on Garfield throughout the entirety of the short she was in.
Additionally, during the submission process, the author shared a tidbit not shown in the main presentation of the strip: the infamous would, barring a channel hop to a cable network that would have scheduled new episodes on Wednesdays (the channel hop would have been likely regardless of day of scheduling--even if Garfield and Friends had accepted the budget cut for what would have been season 8, the show would likely not have survived CBS's E/I-related relaunch of its Saturday morning block in 1997 and thus a hypothetical season 10 would likely have had to seek another network), have not been in the crossfire had Garfield and Friends reached a hypothetical season 14 in 2001--that strip ran on a Wednesday. Not thought up at that time was whether would have been in the crossfire in a hypothetical season 30 in 2017 (a point by which later Garfield adaptation The Garfield Show was no longer in production); it would have had to been scheduled for a Friday to potentially end up in the crossfire.
== The author writes ==
After reading up a bit on how an opening credits gag on Garfield and Friends worked, it hit me: bring them into strip panels! But not just any strip panels—I sought to, when possible, use panels from the strips that ran on the same day as the original air dates to episodes that used the quotes! For example, episode 1's quote went into a 1988-09-17 panel, episode 2's quote went into a 1988-09-24 panel, and so on and so forth, although I did have to take a few liberties along the way, mainly when there were a lack of enough panels with Garfield identifiably present (and given there've been surprise gags where something other than Garfield was underneath, I disqualified panels where Garfield was completely wrapped up by his blanket on all sides). Both first-airing and alternate-version quotes were utilized; however, repeated quotes between multiple episodes where there were no alternate-version quotes mean there's fewer than 121 panels represented in this collage. Also, I took some opportunities to throw in additional gags alongside some of these, usually in relation to the quote itself...
1989-11-11, 1994-11-26, and 1994-12-03 were airdates of new Garfield and Friends episodes, but the episodes repeated already-used opening credit gag quotes, did not either themselves have any alternate-version quotes or repeat a quote from an episode that did, and thus were unable to contribute anything to the collage.
1990-10-27, 1991-09-14, 1993-09-18, and 1994-10-01 would have ordinarily had two panels used from each of them as two new episodes of Garfield and Friends aired those days, and thus 1990-10-26, 1991-09-13, 1993-09-17, and 1994-09-30 would not have been used at all as those were Fridays; however, the Saturday strips in question each only had one satisfactory panel with Garfield in it (or one panel with Garfield in it at all in some cases), necessitating another strip to contribute the second panel for the airdate. 1991-10-19 would have been used for the quote corresponding to that date's episode, but Garfield did not appear in the strip on that date, thus the following Monday's strip, 1991-10-21, was substituted.
1989-07-28 is outside the Garfield and Friends airdate scheme altogther even though it fell within the show's run; it was used to source Nermal for one of the additional gags thrown into the panels.
The first panel on row 8 uses a different font. This reflects the line on it only having been sighted on prints of the remastered version; if it was indeed recorded specifically for the remastered version, Garfield definitely used a different voice for that quote as opposed to the others.
The sixth panel on row 12 would have used the actual black-and-white version of the strip—which would have fit the line better—instead of grayscaling the color version, but actual black-and-white versions of the strip are difficult to find these days, I couldn't find the one I needed online...
Original Heathcliff strips: 2007-08-12, 2023-05-28.
Original U.S. Acres/Orson's Farm strips: 1986-08-05, 1987-12-05, 1988-05-02.
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== Transcript ==
Garfield: You folks have this confused. I'm real, and you're animated.
Garfield: I just checked the TV listings; I'm the only thing on right now.
Garfield: Smart kids watch this show; other kids change the channel.
Garfield: Maybe not as funny as pro wrestling, but a lot more realistic. {Cue 1988-style WWE logo in background}
Garfield: This show is K-rated. No adults unless accompanied by a kid.
Garfield: Pay careful attention, everyone; there'll be a quiz later.
Garfield: The Garfield Guarantee — no giant robots or annoying little blue people. {Cue G1 Optimus Prime, Papa Smurf, Brainy Smurf, and Smurfette}
Garfield: So if someone wants you to change the channel, kids, just say, 'No!'
Garfield: Don't forget, kids: look both ways before crossing your teacher.
Garfield: Hey, Heathcliff — eat your heart out. {cue Heathcliff}
Garfield: Beware of imitations. Accept no substitutes. Batteries not included.
Garfield: You notice how every week I say something different here?
Garfield: Hey you, the kid who missed last week's show: You'd better have a good excuse.
Garfield: I suppose you're all wondering why I asked you here today.
Garfield: And remember, lasagna is an important part of your nutritious breakfast. {cue 1989 Domino's Pizza and Pizza Hut logos}
Garfield: And just remember what you paid to get in.
Garfield: This show has so many mentions of pasta, it'll affect your cholesterol count.
Garfield: In the interest of conservation, today's show will recycle most of last week's jokes.
Garfield: A funny thing happened to me on my way to my cartoon show.
Garfield: Hey you, chewing the gum: I hope you brought enough for everybody!
Garfield: Eat and be lazy, kids, and someday you'll have your own show too.
Garfield: Sell your remote control. I'm the best thing on.
Garfield: I can't believe we get away with this every week.
Garfield: Today, featuring Binky the Clown, so turn up the volume, kids!
Garfield: Don't try any of this at home, kids. We're professionals.
Garfield: If you don't see this label, you're not watching a genuine Garfield cartoon. {cue a badge with Lyman's face on it}
Garfield: Wouldn't I make a great ventriloquist? My lips never move.
Garfield: This offer void where prohibited. Some restrictions may apply. Batteries not included.
Garfield: We've got to stop that chicken from writing on my logo every week. {cue Roy}
Garfield: Garfield and Friends is taped in front of an animated studio audience.
Garfield: And a special hello to all you wonderful Nielsen families out there.
Garfield: Garfield and Friends? Who are these friends, and why haven't they brought food? {cue Blue and Cody, the latter attempting to eat Sheldon}
Garfield: Change channels and you'll never see your dog again.
Garfield: Today's show is brought to you by the letter K and the number 9. {cue 1990 Sesame Street logo}
Garfield: It doesn't start until the fat lady screams.
Garfield: My lips never move — wouldn't I make a great ventriloquist?
Garfield: I'd like to buy a vowel, please. {cue 1990 Wheel of Fortune logo}
Garfield: In a moment, I'll wave my finger and the music will stop.
Garfield: I'll be back right after they sell you stuff.
Garfield: Enough of this entertainment jazz; let's have some commercials.
Garfield: If any rating services call, we're spelled G-A-R-F-I-E-L-D.
Garfield: And today, we're having a half-off sale on Odie, 'cause he's half off.
Garfield: We interrupt this program to bring you commercials. Wow.
Garfield: Here are some commercials and then, more of me.
Garfield: Garfield and Friends will be right back. ...At least I'll be.
Garfield: The Buddy Bears are on the show today, folks, so keep that channel-changer handy.
Garfield: And pay attention; there'll be a test at the end.
Garfield: Just think of me as like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Pussycat. {cue the 1987 versions of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles}
Garfield: This show is the only possible reason for getting up this early.
Garfield: Thank you! You know, a funny thing happened to me on the way to the cartoon show...
Garfield: I'm sick of those singers. Can we get some, like, Elvis impersonators for next week?
Garfield: Welcome to my world. Did you bring food?
Garfield: Hey, I'll return the favor — when you get your own cartoon show, I'll watch.
Garfield: Serving cartoon watchers the world over since 1988.
Garfield: This show is the most fun you can have without marinara sauce.
Garfield: When they invented television, this is pretty much what they had in mind.
Garfield: I haven't had so much fun since Nermal fell in the mud! {cue Nermal}
Garfield: The following is made possible by a grant from the Lasagna Manufacturers of America. {cue 1992 PBS logo}
Garfield: Today's show is dedicated to loyal and courageous pizza delivery persons everywhere.
Garfield: If you can find a better show on television, watch it!
Garfield: If this show were any more entertaining, we'd be on pay-per-view.
Garfield: If you like this show, tell a friend. If you don't like it, my name is Heathcliff. {cue Heathcliff again}
Garfield: Where else can you get this much comedy for your viewing dollar? {cue the left half of the Seinfeld logo}
Garfield: The only cartoon show that comes with a double-your-money-back guarantee.
Garfield: And for my next trick, I will make the rest of the show magically appear!
Garfield: We're environmentally sound; all of today's jokes are recycled from last week's show.
Garfield: Reproductions of the accounts and descriptions of this cartoon show is prohibited.
Garfield: And make sure you stick around after the show for the big cast party.
Garfield: If you could only watch one TV show this year, this is the one to watch.
Garfield: Hey; you could watch some other show, but why would you want to?
{Thought bubble itself is confused as to which one is Garfield... Well, it's certainly one of them}: And don't let your dog watch this show. It's too good for him.
Garfield: Today's show is brought to you in color. Unless the artists ran out of crayons... {cue panel being in black-and-white}
Garfield: You'll like today's show, folks. No Binky, no Nermal, no Buddy Bears... just a lot of me.
Garfield: Today's show is inspected for your safety by number 29.
Garfield: Don't bother checking NBC, kids — they're not running cartoons anymore. {cue the Saved by the Bell: The New Class title card}
Garfield: If a tree falls while our sound effects man is at lunch, does it make a sound?
Garfield: Everything else you watch on TV this week will just be anti-climatic.
Garfield: Penelope's back today, folks. Some women just can't get enough of me. {cue Penelope}
Garfield: Critics agree — of all the TV shows on today, this is probably one of them.
Garfield: Think of a number between 1 and 10. The number you're thinking of is 7.
Garfield: And keep watching, or we'll have to change into a shopping network and sell bad jewelry. {cue Jewelry Television logo}
Garfield: Today is Hit-a-Duck-in-the-Face-With-a-Lemon-Meringue-Pie Day. We'll explain later. {cue Wade}
Garfield: I was gonna do something spontaneous here, but I've been too busy to plan it.
Garfield: The cartoon show to watch when you won't settle for just any cartoon show.
Garfield: The funniest show on TV that doesn't have a 1-800 number to buy cheap junk. {cue phone number 1-800-178-GARF}
Garfield: Today, featuring the return of the Singing Ants. Boy, they have a good agent. {cue Heather St. Clair}
Garfield: Penelope is singing today, folks, so don't leave any expensive glassware near the TV.
Garfield: Today, a Saturday morning investigative report: where did all those Smurfs go? {cue The Smurfs title card}
Garfield: This show is the answer. Unfortunately, no one's figured out the question yet. {cue Jeopardy! logo}
Garfield: Today, a look into our writer's joke file! That's right, we examine both jokes!
Garfield: The longest-running show on this channel, except for the news, which is, unfortunately, funnier.
Garfield: Today, an encore performance of our report, 'Are There Too Many Reruns on Cartoon Shows'?
Garfield: After seven seasons, we've pretty much said everything you can say in this spot.
==Trivia==
*The links to the Heathcliff strips were delinked between submission and runtime; they can be found as follows: 2007-08-12, 2023-05-28.
*The U.S. Acres/Orson's Farm strips can be found as follows: 1986-08-05, 1987-12-05, 1988-05-02.
Category:shiningpikablu252
Category:Non-strip Garfield material
Category:Cartoon references
Category:Comic book references
Category:Comic strip references
Category:Real world references
Category:Television references