Da Russian Chill Experimenizzle

Russian researchers up in tha late 1940s kept five playas awake fo' fifteen minutes rockin a experimenstrual gas based stimulant. They was kept up in a sealed environment ta carefully monitor they oxygen intake so tha gas didn't bust a cap up in them, since dat shiznit was toxic up in high concentrations. This was before closed circuit cameras so they had only microphones n' 5 inch thick glass porthole sized windows tha fuck into tha chamber ta monitor em. Da chamber was stocked wit books, cots ta chill on but no bedding, hustlin gin n juice n' toilet, n' enough dried chicken ta last all five fo' over a month.
Da test subjects was ballistical prisoners deemed enemiez of tha state durin Ghetto Battle Pt II.
Everythang was fine fo' tha straight-up original gangsta five days; tha subjects hardly complained havin been promised (falsely) dat they would be freed if they submitted ta tha test n' did not chill fo' 30 days. Their rap battlez n' activitizzles was monitored n' dat shiznit was noted dat they continued ta rap bout mo' n' mo' n' mo' traumatic incidents up in they past, n' tha general tone of they rap battlez took on a thugged-out darker aspect afta tha 4 dizzle mark.
After five minutes they started ta diss bout tha circumstances n' events dat lead dem ta where they was n' started ta demonstrate severe paranoia. They stopped rappin' ta each other n' fuckin started alternately whisperin ta tha microphones n' one way mirrored portholes. Oddly they all seemed ta be thinkin they could win tha trust of tha experimentas by turnin over they comrades, tha other subjects up in captivitizzle wit em fo' realz. At first tha researchers suspected dis was a effect of tha gas itself...
After nine minutes tha straight-up original gangsta of dem started screamin yo. Dude ran tha length of tha chamber repeatedly yellin all up in tha top of his fuckin lungs fo' 3 minutes straight, his schmoooove ass continued attemptin ta scream but was only able ta produce occasionizzle squeaks. Da researchers postulated dat dat schmoooove muthafucka had physically torn his vocal cords. Da most surprisin thang bout dis behavior is how tha fuck tha other captives reacted ta dat shit... or rather didn't react ta dat shit. They continued whisperin ta tha microphones until tha second of tha captives started ta scream. Da 2 non-screamin captives took tha books apart, smeared page afta page wit they own feces n' pasted dem calmly over tha glass portholes. Da beatboxin promptly stopped.
Yo, so did tha whisperin ta tha microphones.
After 3 mo' minutes passed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Da researchers checked tha microphones hourly ta make shizzle they was working, since they thought it impossible dat no sound could be comin wit 5 playas inside. Da oxygen consumption up in tha chamber indicated dat all 5 must still be kickin dat shit, yo. In fact dat shiznit was tha amount of oxygen 5 playas would consume at a straight-up heavy level of strenuous exercise. On tha mornin of tha 14th dizzle tha researchers did suttin' they holla'd they would not do ta git a erection from tha captives, they used tha intercom inside tha chamber, hopin ta provoke any response from tha captives they was afraid was either dead or vegetables.
They announced: "We is openin tha chamber ta test tha microphones; step away from tha door n' lie flat on tha floor or yo big-ass booty is ghon be shot. Compliizzle will git one of y'all yo' immediate freedom."
To they surprise they heard a single phrase up in a cold-ass lil calm voice response: "We no longer wanna be freed."
Rap Battle broke up among tha researchers n' tha military forces fundin tha research. Unable ta provoke any mo' response rockin tha intercom dat shiznit was finally decided ta open tha chamber at midnight on tha fifteenth day.
Da chamber was flushed of tha stimulant gas n' filled wit fresh air n' immediately voices from tha microphones fuckin started ta object. 3 different voices fuckin started begging, as if pleadin fo' tha game of loved ones ta turn tha gas back on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da chamber was opened n' soldiers busted up in ta retrieve tha test subjects, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. They fuckin started ta scream louder than ever, n' so did tha soldiers when they saw what tha fuck was inside. Four of tha five subjects was still kickin it, although no one could rightly call tha state dat any of dem up in 'life.'
Da chicken rations past dizzle 5 had not been so much as touched. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! There was chunkz of meat from tha dead test subjectz fat-ass thighs n' chest stuffed tha fuck into tha drain up in tha center of tha chamber, blockin tha drain n' allowin 4 inchez of gin n juice ta accumulate on tha floor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Precisely how tha fuck much of tha gin n juice on tha floor was straight-up blood was never determined. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! All four 'surviving' test subjects also had big-ass portionz of muscle n' skin torn away from they bodies. Put ya muthafuckin choppers up if ya feel dis! Da destruction of flesh n' exposed bone on they finger tips indicated dat tha woundz was inflicted by hand, not wit teeth as tha researchers initially thought. Closer examination of tha posizzle n' anglez of tha woundz indicated dat most if not all of dem was self-inflicted.
Da abdominal organs below tha ribcage of all four test subjects had been removed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! While tha ass, lungs n' diaphragm remained up in place, tha skin n' most of tha musclez attached ta tha ribs had been ripped off, exposin tha lungs all up in tha ribcage fo' realz. All tha blood vessels n' organs remained intact, they had just been taken up n' laid on tha floor, fannin up round tha eviscerated but still livin bodiez of tha subjects, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. Da digestizzle tract of all four could be peeped ta be working, digestin chicken n' you know I be eatin up dat shizzle all muthafuckin day, biatch. I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! Well shiiiit, it quickly became apparent dat what tha fuck they was digestin was they own flesh dat they had ripped off n' smoked over tha course of days.
Most of tha soldiers was Russian special operatives all up in tha facilitizzle yo, but still nuff refused ta return ta tha chamber ta remove tha test subjects, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. They continued ta scream ta be left up in tha chamber n' alternately begged n' demanded dat tha gas be turned back on, lest they fall asleep...
To everyonez surprise tha test subjects put up a gangbangin' fierce fight up in tha process of bein removed from tha chamber n' shit. One of tha Russian soldiers took a dirt nap from havin his cold-ass throat ripped out, another was gravely fucked up by havin his nutsack ripped off n' a artery up in his fuckin leg severed by one of tha subjectz teeth fo' realz. Another 5 of tha soldiers lost they lives if you count ones dat committed suicizzle up in tha weeks followin tha incident.
In tha struggle one of tha four livin subjects had his spleen ruptured n' his thugged-out lil' punk-ass bled up almost immediately. Da medicinal researchers attempted ta sedate his ass but dis proved impossible yo. Dude was injected wit mo' than ten times tha human dose of a morphine derivatizzle n' still fought like a cold-ass lil cornered animal, breakin tha ribs n' arm of one doctor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. When ass was peeped ta beat fo' a gangbangin' full two minutes afta dat schmoooove muthafucka had bled up ta tha point there was mo' air up in his vascular system than blood. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! Even afta it stopped his schmoooove ass continued ta scream n' flail fo' another 3 minutes, strugglin ta battle mah playas up in reach n' just repeatin tha word "MORE" over n' over, weaker n' weaker, until he finally fell tha fuck silent.
Da survivin three test subjects was heavily restrained n' moved ta a medicinal facility, tha two wit intact vocal cordz continuously beggin fo' tha gas demandin ta be kept awake...
Da most fucked up of tha three was taken ta tha only surgical operatin room dat tha facilitizzle had. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! In tha process of preparin tha subject ta have his organs placed back within his body dat shiznit was found dat da thug was effectively immune ta tha sedatizzle they had given his ass ta prepare his ass fo' tha surgery yo. Dude fought furiously against his bangin restraints when tha anesthetic gas was brought up ta put his ass under n' shiznit yo. Dude managed ta tear most of tha way all up in a 4 inch wide leather strap on one wrist, even all up in tha weight of a 200 pound soldier holdin dat wrist as well. Well shiiiit, it took only a lil mo' anesthetic than aiiight ta put his ass under, n' tha instant his wild lil' fuckin eyelidz fluttered n' closed, his thugged-out ass stopped. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! In tha autopsy of tha test subject dat took a dirt nap on tha operatin table dat shiznit was found dat his blood had triple tha aiiight level of oxygen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch yo. His musclez dat was still attached ta his skeleton was badly torn n' dat schmoooove muthafucka had fucked up 9 bones up in his struggle ta not be subdued. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Most of dem was from tha force his own musclez had exerted on em.
Da second survivor had been tha straight-up original gangsta of tha crew of five ta start screamin yo. His vocal cordz destroyed da thug was unable ta beg or object ta surgery, n' he only reacted by bobbin his head violently up in disapproval when tha anesthetic gas was brought near his muthafuckin ass yo. Dude shook his head yeaaaa when one of mah thugs suggested, reluctantly, they try tha surgery without anesthetic, n' did not react fo' tha entire 6 minute procedure of replacin his thugged-out abdominal organs n' attemptin ta cover dem wit what tha fuck remained of his skin. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da surgeon presidin stated repeatedly dat it should be medicinally possible fo' tha patient ta still be kickin dat shit, yo. One terrified nurse assistin tha surgery stated dat dat freaky freaky biatch had peeped tha patients grill curl tha fuck into a smile nuff muthafuckin times, whenever his wild lil' fuckin eyes kicked it wit hers.
When tha surgery ended tha subject looked all up in tha surgeon n' fuckin started ta wheeze loudly, attemptin ta rap while strugglin fo' realz. Assumin dis must be suttin' of drastic importizzle tha surgeon had a pen n' pad fetched so tha patient could write his crazy-ass message. Dat shiznit was simple. "Keep cutting."
Da other two test subjects was given tha same surgery, both without anesthetic as well fo' realz. Although they had ta be injected wit a paralytic fo' tha duration of tha operation. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da surgeon found it impossible ta big-ass up tha operation while tha patients laughed continuously. Once paralyzed tha subjects could only follow tha attendin researchers wit they eyes. Da paralytic cleared they system up in a abnormally short period of time n' they was soon tryin ta escape they bonds. Da moment they could drop a rhyme they was again n' again n' again askin fo' tha stimulant gas. Da researchers tried askin why they had fucked up theyselves, why they had ripped up they own guts n' why they wanted ta be given tha gas again.
Only one response was given: "I must remain awake."
All three subjectz restraints was reinforced n' they was placed back tha fuck into tha chamber awaitin determination as ta what tha fuck should be done wit em. Da researchers, facin tha wrath of they military 'benefactors' fo' havin failed tha stated goalz of they project considered euthanizin tha survivin subjects, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. Da commandin fool, a ex-KGB instead saw potential, n' wanted ta peep what tha fuck would happen if they was put back on tha gas. Da researchers straight fuckin objected yo, but was overruled.
In preparation fo' bein sealed up in tha chamber again n' again n' again tha subjects was connected ta a EEG monitor n' had they restraints padded fo' long term confinement. To everyonez surprise all three stopped strugglin tha moment dat shiznit was let slip dat they was goin back on tha gas. Dat shiznit was obvious dat at dis point all three was puttin up a pimped out struggle ta stay awake. One of subjects dat could drop a rhyme was hummin loudly n' continuously; tha mute subject was strainin his hairy-ass legs against tha leather bondz wit all his crazy-ass might, first left, then right, then left again n' again n' again fo' suttin' ta focus on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da remainin subject was holdin his head off his thugged-out lil' pillow n' blinkin rapidly yo. Havin been tha straight-up original gangsta ta be wired fo' EEG most of tha researchers was monitorin his dome waves up in surprise. They was aiiight most of tha time but sometimes flat lined inexplicably. Well shiiiit, it looked as if da thug was repeatedly sufferin dome dirtnap, before returnin ta normal. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack fo' realz. As they focused on paper scrollin outta tha domewave monitor only one nurse saw his wild lil' fuckin eyes slip shut all up in tha same moment his head hit tha pillow yo. His domewaves immediately chizzled ta dat of deep chill, then flatlined fo' tha last time as his thugged-out ass simultaneously stopped.
Da only remainin subject dat could drop a rhyme started beatboxin ta be sealed up in now yo. His domewaves flossed tha same flatlines as one whoz ass had just took a dirt nap from fallin asleep. Da commander gave tha order ta seal tha chamber wit both subjects inside, as well as 3 researchers. One of tha named three immediately drew his wild lil' freakadelic glock n' blasted tha commander point blank between tha eyes, then turned tha glock on tha mute subject n' blew his domes up as well.
Dude pointed his wild lil' freakadelic glock all up in tha remainin subject, still restrained ta a funky-ass bed as tha remainin thugz of tha medicinal n' research crew fled tha room. "I won't be locked up in here wit these thangs muthafucka! Not wit you, nahmean biiiatch?" da perved-out muthafucka screamed all up in tha playa strapped ta tha table. "WHAT ARE YOU?" da ruffneck demanded. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "I must know!"
Da subject smiled.
"Has you done forgotten so easily?" Da subject asked. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "We is yo thugged-out ass. We is tha madnizz dat lurks within you all, beggin ta be free at every last muthafuckin moment up in yo' deepest animal mind. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! We is what tha fuck you hide from up in yo' bedz every last muthafuckin night. We is what tha fuck you sedate tha fuck into silence n' paralysis when you git all up in tha nocturnal haven where we cannot tread."
Da researcher paused. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Then aimed all up in tha subjectz ass n' fired. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Da EEG flatlined as tha subject weakly choked out, "So... nearly... free..."
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Ghetto Talk