Pete Beat (Mickey Mouse Clubhouse Lost Episode)

I never thought anyone would have to say this; but working for Disney fricking sucks. I was treated like scum and was forced to work as a low level script writer for Playhouse Disney before it changed to Disney Junior. Despite technically being a script writer: I never wrote any of the scripts for Disney and was treated more like an intern by the company. They made me do all the really boring stuff that no
employees want to do such as shredding papers and licking the boss's Nike shoes. I was furious that the executives and other script writers wouldn't allow me to have my say on the scripts they write
Now not to brag or anything; but I am a very intelligent person: with loads of creative ideas on where to take Playhouse Disney and their shows like Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and Special Agent OSO. Perhaps my differing opinion on the directions the shows should take led to my low ranking position in the company. It also doesn't help that my boss Steve Notes hates my guts.
Notes is an incredibly angry man who is very nice and polite to the other script writers but treats me like a piece of cheesy chewing gum you'd find stuck to the bottom of a table. Notes like so many used to work as an intern for Playhouse Disney back from 2008 to 2009. In March 2011, the former head of Playhouse Disney: Joseph Green stepped down and decided to take early retirement with his wife who is obsessed with wasps. By this time, Notes had risen to become one of the highest ranking employees of the Playhouse Disney corporation and thus was given the top job itself once Green retired. Notes is also corrupt and is taking bribes from local mob boss Barry Scott. He uses the money made from his bribes from Scott to build robot overlords who act as supervisors for the writing team. Another thing that really grinds my gears; is the fact that I only get one break per day. It's not even a half hour break it's only two minutes.
I also cannot stand my co-workers. They are so fricking mean to me! One time, a co-worker named Lance asked if I wanted a cup of coffee. How fricking rude is that huh? He should know that I hate coffee. Everybody knows that! Even stupid Jackie knows that! Heck even you know that! Coffee tastes like ass. Also, my co-workers sometimes offer to give me a lift home. How rude right? What are they trying imply that I'm too lazy to walk home? I only live like over 9000 miles from work anyway.
Now believe it or not I'm walking on air! Ha! Only joking friend I can call you friend right? Anyways, I do actually have some friends at work well just two that is. One of my friends is named Jason Tomb who works as an intern while the other is a janitor named Samsung Bare. Jason is very dumb and is only working as an intern part-time due to his full time job being a sheep farmer. As a sheep farmer, Jason makes very little profit which is why he took up an internship at Playhouse Disney. He hopes that with the money made from his internship he will be able to pay off the debts he owes to several prominent Russian gangsters.
Now Samsung Bare on the other hand is very wicked and loves to play harmless pranks on the interns. One time, Bare killed a rat and dropped it in a female intern's coffee. The intern ended up choking and spitting the smelly rat out before passing out on her own desk. That intern sued Samsung Bare for $100,000 over a harmless little prank. Hmm so much hassle right Mr Cassel?
The three of us had bonded over our mischievous ways. We had all came to the same conclusion that we hated Steve Notes, and were conspiring to get rid of him. We began holding regular meetings in the upstairs men's room of Playhouse Disney Headquarters. Bare suggested pulling a horrible prank on Notes which would cause him to step down. Tomb meanwhile suggested using morse code for some bizarre reason. I don't even know why to be honest with you. That's when I suggested making an episode so terrible, so terrifying, and so delightfully PG it will scare the pants off Notes. In fact, Notes will be so unbelievably scared that he will be forced to take an early retirement just like his predecessor Joseph Green had done all those years ago.
We decided to make it a Mickey Mouse Clubhouse lost episode since Mickey Mouse is of course the mascot for Disney. Now, I was not actually involved in the making of the episode but did provide Bare and Tomb with a script. Meanwhile, Bare and Tomb worked their asses off to make the episode as good as possible. I handed the scripts over to the voice actors who thought nothing of it. I snickered a snicker as I made my way back to my work station. The rats were going to be flushed out of their holes. It would be my pleasure to watch Notes' sanity crumble like the Roman empire.
One month later, I was shredding papers as usual and had forgotten all about the episode. That's when I was called into the viewing room by Tomb. I met up with Tomb and Bare outside the viewing room and we made our way inside in order to witness perhaps the greatest prank ever made. We sat down at the back of the room as Mr Notes walked up onto a small platform which sat the very front of the viewing room. "Ladies and gentlemen: today is a very special day." Mr Notes said before continuing with, "not only are we about to view the premiere of a brand new season of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. We also have a guest speak in the roomer. Can you join me in giving a round of applause for Governor Frank Burning?" "No." We all said in unison as Notes awkwardly left the area having one of his executives pop the DVD into the nearby DVD player. Meanwhile, Governor Burning sat on the far side of the room and Notes went to go and join him.
The episode began with the normal theme song. It was boring. Mickey Mouse walked up the path to greet the viewer as normal. He said his usual lines. "Hey everybody it's me Mickey Mouse! Say you wanna come inside my clubhouse?" However, things turned weird once Mickey said, "well alright! Let's go!" The camera panned over to show there being no clubhouse as normal. "Oh I almost forgot. There's no clubhouse." Mickey said happily as he began staring at the screen for an uncomfortable amount of time. So long in fact, that Notes began hitting the player with his iron fists. Yes his fists were made from actual iron. So sad.
Eventually, the episode cut to show the rest of the intro but things just weren't right. For starters, the person singing the lyrics was Tom Jones. The only person who appeared during the role call was Pete. Even Mickey himself did not appear during the role call instead being replaced by Pete.
The episode's title then came on screen which read, "Pete Beat." Ah a Pete centred episode! How delightfully PG Tips if you don't mind me saying. The episode then started with Mickey and Minnie packing some stuff into a basket for a picnic. "Oh hi there! Me and Minnie are going to go see Goofy." Mickey said as he then continued with, "he's suffering from a bad cold again. So Minnie's made him another bowl of soup to cheer him right up!" "Wanna come with us?" Minnie asked as the screen did an awkward cut to yellow. It lasted only two seconds before it came back to show Mickey and Minnie leaving the clubhouse. They were also accompanied by Donald and Daisy who were bringing some flowers to Goofy.
While walking, Mickey and the gang were intercepted by Pete. "What's going on with that picnic basket friends?" Pete asked. "We're taking some soup to Goofy. He's sick again Pete." Minnie explained as the gang attempted to walk past only for Pete to stop them. "Where ya going in such a hurry? Don't you wanna answer my riddle?" Pete asked. "No thanks we really got to be going." Mickey said only for Pete to ask; "are you sure Mick? It's about a goose." That's when Mickey snapped. He began beating the ever living daylights of Pete while the other characters watched on and applauded Mickey. It was quite cool actually. I can't say the same for the rest of the staff as the female intern I mentioned earlier began vomiting into her heels.
Pete was then shown on the floor all bloodied and bruised as Mickey said in a rather chilling voice; "don't fuck with me." "Yeah what if I do?" Pete asked. "Well you'll end up like your dear friend Mortimer." Mickey responded as he handed Pete a pair of binoculars as he and the gang began making their leave. Pete looked through the binoculars and saw Mortimer hanging from a helicopter which was being driven by Wallace & Gromit with Wallace saying, "murder is our speciality." "What did he do?" Pete asked as he began following the group through the forest. Mickey sighed before saying, "Several years ago in California he was an informant for DreamWorks. He helped them make Antz and Flushed Away."
Pete then asked if he could come with the gang as he was rather scared and hungry. "Ha no!" Daisy joked as she falcon punched Pete causing him to fly through the woods all the way back to the clubhouse. "Stupid bastard." Daisy joked as she and the others continued making their way through the woods.
Back at the clubhouse, Pete was shown sulking over a tub of ice cream about how Mickey and the gang always belittle and bully him. It is then shown through several flashbacks that Pete has always tried to win the approval of Mickey Mouse so he can join in on the fun but is always shut down and called a villain by Mickey and his friends. Pete hated the way that Disney always portrayed him in an antagonist role. He thought that by signing on to do a playschool targeted program; he would finally be given a protagonist role. Sadly however this turned not to be the case at all. "I'll show them!" Pete said as he made a trampoline appear magically and used it bounce all the way back to where Daisy had thrown him from.
The episode then cut to a brief clip of some frogs singing in a dimly lit jazz club. YA LIKE JAZZ? "It's 9'o clock on a Saturday: the regular crowd shuffles in. There's an old man sitting...." Notes got up from his chair and cried: "I can't take it!" He then proceeded to shoot himself in the head with the Governor's revolver. Governor Burning did not seem fazed at all by Notes' death and ordered us to keep watching the episode. He also threatened to shoot anyone who tried to call an ambulance for Notes. Not like it would do much good anyway. He was deader than Dead Bart. Oh yeah I went there. What are you going to do about it?
The episode then came back to show Pete tip toing along a long wooden bridge while Mickey and the gang were busy trying to solve an incredibly easy puzzle involving some stones. Ainsley knows of a good place to get stones. Do you? Pete was eventually able to catch up with Mickey and the gang. He ran right past them stealing the basket in the process. "He's stealing the soup!" Minnie cried at the top of her lungs. "What? No I'm..." Pete was cut off as he was tackled to the ground by Mickey and Donald. While getting beaten up, Pete cried, "Dallas! Dallas! Help me!" The camera then panned over to show Dallas Coleman just rubbing the back of his head nervously while saying, "well I'm not really qualified Pete." He then pulled a wickedly wicked grin that only a mother could love.
Mickey grabbed the can of soup from Pete and handed it over to Minnie. "Unbelievable. You realty just can't help yourself can you Pete?" Mickey asked as Pete cried, "I wasn't stealing the soup!" Pete then proceeded to explain that he had taken the soup in order to test the gang. He wanted to see if the gang truly hated his guts and saw him as nothing more than an annoying threat. "What a dumb fucking plan." Donald muttered as he pushed Pete aside as the gang began making their way to Goofy's tent which was just up the hill.
Pete began sobbing heavily into his legs. He then stopped and smiled an evil smirk as he crept his way back to the clubhouse. Upon returning to the clubhouse, Pete headed inside the shed and grabbed one of Professor Von Drake's old inventions. "Oh yeah this'll do the trick." Pete chuckled as he made his way out of the shed as sinister squidy music began to play in the background.
Arriving at Goofy's tent, Mickey and his friends were just about to walk in when they heard: "that soup belongs to me ass wipe!" Mickey laughed in a mocking tone before turning around and saying, "I'd like to see you t... try... uh... uh...." The whole gang gasped at the sight. Pete was now over 9000 feet tall. Turns out the machine Pete had recovered was a growth machine Von Drake had built years ago. Von Drake used the machine to make tomatoes bigger in order to satisfy the urges of a certain Principal Seymour Skinner or Armin Tamzarian if you happen to be a connoisseur of The Simpsons arts.
Pete raised his massive boot into the air before proclaiming, "so long Pipsqueak." He stomped on Mickey and the gang killing them all instantly. "I feel so alive!" Pete laughed as he picked up the soup from Minnie's basket and downed in one go. He even ate the can that the soup came in. He then proceeded to yank the tent open and saw Goofy just chilling in bed reading a book on stocks. "Hiya Pete what's shaking?" Goofy asked as Pete raised his foot to stomp on Goof. Goofy however ended up sneezing an above average sneeze. It made my glass of water break it was that loud. The sudden noise had startled Pete and caused him to fall off the hill plummeting to his death. "Well gosh." Goofy muttered as he made his way back to the clubhouse having somehow recovered instantly from his cold. That's rather suspicious if I may say so myself.
With Mickey and the gang dead, Goofy was given ownership of the clubhouse. Goofy converted the clubhouse into a fishing club where people could fish and drink beer whilst listening to Queen. Goofy also became something of a chef having kept some of Minnie's old cook books. As the years passed, Goofy grew old and grey but he kept memories of his friends by naming all of his household appliances after them. With that the episode ended with the normal credits but no one was shown dancing during them.
All of the staff were shocked and were rioting over the episode we just saw. I had no idea that Tomb and Bare had it in them to create such a disturbing yet strangely cautionary tale about typecasting. Pete was typecast as a villain and tried his best to prove his worth to the other characters. When that failed, Pete lashed out by killing Mickey and the gang shortly before getting killed himself. Me and my friends confessed to Governor Burning and the others that we were responsible for creating the episode. "Office now." Governor Burning barked in a harsh whisper. I prefer careless whisper to be honest.
Arriving at Notes' office, we were congratulated on making the best episode ever by Governor Burning. He admitted that he had never seen such an amazing thrill ride of a Mickey Mouse Clubhouse episode. Burning announced that he was taking over Playhouse Disney from Notes and was converting it into Disney Junior. He promoted me to a senior executive while Tomb and Bare were both also promoted to senior positions in the company as well.
Two weeks later, I was caught eating an orangutan finger. Yes an orangutan finger. Let's just say I'm a rather odd guy if you catch my drift. I was fired on the spot by Burning who replaced me with Tomb. Both Jason Tomb and Samsung Bare still work for Disney Junior but cut their ties with me following my dismissal from the company. Some good out of it however. Me and the female intern I keep mentioning in this tale started dating shortly after the episode fiasco. We found an attraction in each other when we both realised we were orangutan finger eaters. Sorry I'm actually lying she wants nothing to do with me and finds my orangutan finger eating ways disgusting! So perhaps society is to blame. Also my inside sources at Disney Junior tell me that Tomb and Bare apparently took credit for making the lost episode. They lied and told Governor Burning that I had no part in it's making other than handing it over to the voice actors and animators. This is technically true but it was I who spearheaded the entire scheme. How rude.
So I'm sorry to say but this is the end of our story did you enjoy? Well neither did I. You're not the one who had to live through this okay!? Sorry I'm just still really pissed off about getting fired along with Tomb and Bare taking all the credits. Perhaps it's time to get my own back. I've got a little growth serum we use on flowers so maybe just maybe I can get my ultimate revenge. I gotta go. For it's time for me to reunite with some old friends
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