Oh, to be funny and not just stupid

Warning: As even the most casual reader can (should?) easily notice, this article is more of a cry for help than a serious attempt at making sense of any of the universe, not to mention other things. The editor of this article has not had in mind a high-flying idea of creating a high-flying article of a high-flying subject. He has rather bowed down, lower and lower, to the inner need of confessing his innate inability to come to terms with those sectors of his mind which ordinarily care for his self-image in the area of not making a fool of himself by attempting things that are clearly out of his yard. Those sectors are right there in the cellar of his low-down self-esteem. Read and be baffled at the workings of what he pleases to call his imagination.
==Things not to be attempted==
As the header of this article has already forewarned, some of its contents will decidedly relate to the difficult and often daunting task of making your sentences too long in such a way that the reader will get extremely annoyed before he has been given the slightest hint of where all this could be going, if anywhere. None of this can be helped - not by a long shot. The premises on which this article was built are veiled so vigorously that the word "vehem" would not be misguided if it existed. It might exist for all we know at the moment.
===The first bridge===
As is natural, there is a tendency among editors of different texts to prefer that the reader understands, remembers and actually thinks about the text. This can most easily be referred to as self-pity. So, without further ado, how many words relating to space can you find in the introductory chapter?
===The second bridge, no island in between===
Already, as you can see, there are several issues at stake here: integrity, freedom of thought and of lack thereof, and international communism (which seems to be a threat to the contents of this article). "But", you say, "but, but... these issues have not been current after the early 1990s, and back then there was practically no Internet! The author of this article must be off his rocker! I'm certain his parents were siblings!" Well, we here at Uncyclopedia anticipated that and let me assure you: even if they were siblings, they are not siblings now. The father of the editor of this article has been dead for several years.
==Rivers to be crossed==
You already notice one or two things about this study. First: many of the claims on which this is based can be said to contain questionable validity and faulty reasoning. At best, the results must be sieved with a fine-toothed sieve. The repetitiveness of what the sources (we are, as yet, missing those) have decided to omit rather than include is in no way more detrimental to our collecting of facts than it is to yours. Let us, therefore, proceed with what we have now and leave more intelligent speculation to those who think they know better. Let me assure you, we won't be lacking those.
==Reduced credibility==
The sub-headers of this section are smaller than those in the previous one. Why? For reasons of faked intelligence we decide not to tell you. Can I come home already, darling? It's been a long week. Don't try to pretend you didn't get this message. You always read these pseudo-intellectual ramblings.
====Subheader 1, small one====
You always act so high and mighty. You kicked me out because I sexed up that lusty blonde. What a bitch you are at times. At least bring my credit card to Joe.
====Subheader 2, small one====
I'll shoot myself unless you tweet or text me during the next couple of days. That is all.
Category:Uncyclopedia
Category:Humour
Category:Articles written in the first person