A priest, a rabbi and a minister walk into a bar

:::::A Rabbi, a Priest, and a Minister walk into a bar. The bartender picks up his phone and calls the cartoon editor of the New Yorker. He asks the editor: "Got a few minutes to kill?"
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== The Rabbi ==
A Rabbi, a Priest, and a Minister walk into a bar. The Priest says "I bet I can go up to the bartender, have a few beers, and get out without paying." The Rabbi and Minister do not think this is possible, so without further wait the Priest goes up to the bartender, has a few drinks and begins to exit the bar, but the bartender calls out "Sir, you forgot to pay for your drinks" The Priest replies, "No you're mistaken, I already paid, good night" and walks out.
Then the Minister in disbelief says he'll give it a go as well. So he does the same, goes up, has a few drinks, and begins to walk out when again the bartender says "Sir you forgot to pay for your drinks". The Minister then replies, "No you're mistaken, I already paid, good night" and walks out.
 
The Rabbi is astounded, but walks outside to see his buddies, he says those were good, but I've got one better. He walks up to the bartender, has a few drinks when he begins to walk out the bartender calls to the Rabbi and says "Sir, you forgot to pay for your drinks" the Rabbi replies, "No sir you're mistaken, I already paid you, now I need the change back for my hundred."
About 40% of the time the Rabbi is presented is being witty, shrewd, and full of common sense, while the other 60% is the Rabbi being completely stupid and/or dying. The Rabbi is the guy who always gets bullied, but doesn't take it to heart and still feels like part of the gang.
A Priest, a Rabbi and a Minister were all in a boat out in the middle of a lake. The Priest says, “I am really thirsty. I'm going to shore to get something to drink." So he gets out of the boat walks across the water to shore, gets a soda, walks back across the water, and gets back in the boat.
The Minister says, "I am also really thirsty. I'm going to shore and get something to drink." So he gets out of the boat walks across the water to shore, gets a soda, walks back across the water, and gets back in the boat.
The Rabbi thinks to himself "pretty cool. I will try it." So he says, “I am also thirsty. I'm going to shore and get something to drink." He gets out of the boat and falls in the water and drowns.
Then the Minister says to the Priest, "Do you think we should have told him where the rocks were?"
The Priest says "Nah, It was the only way to get him baptized"
== The Priest ==
A Priest, a Rabbi and a Minister walked into their favourite bar, where they would get together two or three times a week for drinks and to talk. On this particular afternoon, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear.
They thought about it and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it. Seven days later, they're all together to discuss the experience.
The Priest, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages, goes first.
"Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation."
The Minister spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, “Well brothers, you know that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I found me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's Holy word! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took hold of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, up another and down another until we came to a creek. So I quick dunked him and baptized his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus."
They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. He was in bad shape.
The rabbi looks up and says, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start."
Most of the time, the Priest is seen as the leader, strong, mighty and all the rest of it, but since the sex scandal allegations against Priests, sometimes the Priest is not seen as the leader, and the jokes are now slightly different to the originals .
A Priest, a Rabbi and a Minister walked into their favourite bar, where they would get together two or three times a week for drinks and to talk. On this particular afternoon, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear.
One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it. Seven days later, they're all together to discuss the experience.
The Minister goes first. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, “Well brothers, I went out and I found me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's Holy word! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took hold of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, up another and down another until we came to a creek. So I quick dunked him and baptized his hairy soul. And he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus."
He looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. He was in bad shape.
The Rabbi looks up and says, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start."
The Rabbi looks to his right and sees the coffin of the Priest. "But it was better than trying to rape him."
== The Minister ==
A Priest and a Rabbi walk into a bar; the Minister ducked.
The Minister is often the middleman, the third wheel, the one who occasionally takes the lead when the Rabbi and the Priest are being mocked, but other than those occasions, he is just the one that makes the joke longer. He is not very special, he can eat what he pleases, touch what he pleases and penetrate what he pleases, which does make him the most boring character.
A Priest, a Rabbi and a Minister found themselves sharing a compartment on a train. After a while, the priest opened a conversation.
"I know that, in the Jewish religion, you're not supposed to eat pork...Have you actually ever tasted it?"
The Rabbi said, "I must tell the truth. Yes, I have, on the odd occasion."
Then the Rabbi had his turn of interrogation. He asked, "Your religion, too...I know you're supposed to be celibate. But..."
The Priest replied, "Yes, I know what you're going to ask. I have succumbed once or twice."
There was silence for a while. Then the Rabbi peeped around the newspaper he was reading and said, "Better than pork, isn't it?"
The Minister suddenly stands up and shouts "What's the fucking point of being a Minister if your religious friends can do the exact same things you can do!"
He storms out the compartment leaving the others in a stunned silence.
Then the Rabbi peeped around the newspaper again and asked, "So...what does a nine year old anus feel like?"
A Priest, a Minister and a Rabbi are standing on the side of the road, holding up signs.
The signs read, "The end is near! Turn back before it's too late!
Along comes a redneck, driving a jacked-up truck and drinking a beer. He comes to a screeching halt before the two men of the cloth, reads the sign, and starts guffawing.
"You religious nuts!" he shouts. "Get a life!"
He screeches around the corner and out of sight.
Moments later, a loud "SCREEEEEEEE" is heard, followed by a gigantic "SPLASH".
The Minister turns to the other two. "Guys," he says, "that's the third one today!"
The Priest sighs. "Maybe we should just change our signs to say "Bridge Out" instead?"
== Gay Relationship? ==
Some people believe the Minister, the Priest and the Rabbi are in a gay relationship based on the following two jokes.
A Minister, a Priest and a Rabbi went for a hike one day. It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted when they came upon a small lake. Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped in the water. Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their "freedom." As they were crossing an open area, who should come along but a group of girls from town. Unable to get to their clothes in time, the Priest covered his privates and the Rabbi and Minister covered their faces while they ran for cover. After the girls left and the men got their clothes back on, the Priest asked the Rabbi and Minister why they covered their face rather than their privates. The Rabbi replied, "I don't know about you, but in my congregation, it's my face they would recognise."
A Rabbi, a Priest, and a Minister are attending a conference in another town, and they stop at a bar at the end of the day. The priest pulls out a deck of cards and pretty soon they've got a little strip poker game going -- only to be busted by an overzealous policeman enforcing the town's strict anti-gambling laws. So they're hauled before a judge the next morning, and everybody's kind of embarrassed about it, including the judge.
"Look," he says, "just tell me you weren't gambling, and I'll let you go."
"Well," says the Priest, "gambling qua gambling seems to me to imply some sort of intent to win money or with the idea that it would exchange hands at the end of the evening, whereas considering a hypothetical situation such as the one we were engaged in where the money is taking on more of the role of a token merely for tracking the interplay of the game and the relative ..." and so on.
"Fine," says the judge, "You can go."
The Minister steps up. "It seems to me that given divine foreknowledge of all events, even if we mortals are not so gifted raises the question of whether gambling as a concept can really .." and so on also, and is similarly dismissed by the judge, just leaving the Rabbi in the courtroom.
"Well?" asks the judge. "Rabbi, were you gambling?"
The Rabbi looks around and shrugs his shoulders. "Gambling? With whom?"
== YouTube ==
<youtube>cUJBmZLX2yY</youtube>
Category:Jokes
Category:Religion