Pervez Musharraf

Pervez Musharraf (born August 14, in the Third Age) is a kindly goat currently roaming the Islamabad-Rawalpindi areas. The goat played a pivotal role in the resurrection of the Mutton Mughlai dynasty that ruled Pakistan for a thousand years.
He has a moustache however it is not as big as Groucho Marx's used to be, although he did make more people laugh in attempting to catch Bin Laden, drink tea with Jon Stewart and run a nation.
==Early life==
Pervez Musharraf was born in Dehli, on August 11, 1943 apparently he loved the earlier days except in 1947 when the fashion of buring your neighbour if they belong to different beliefs spread across the subcontinent. After the infant Musharraf was set on fire the second time he and his Muslim comrades immigrated to Pakistan and settled in Karachi. He stayed in Kabul for three years, two hours and did his education from Bill Clinton Sex college for the economically backward, but being impotent, he got thrown out of there. Although thats all just presumption Mushy in reality is just a space cockroach who was exiled from their planet for being too fucking stupid. He spent his early years in Ankara, Turkey, from 1949 to 1956 and speaks fluent Turkish.
== Religion ==
Musharraf describes himself as “only very slightly religious—like on a scale of 1-10 I’d be like a 0.5.” Imagine Pakistanis’ surprise, then, when in early 2007 Musharraf declared himself the God of Everything (GoE).
== Military Service ==
Musharraf served in the Nazi army as a waterboy. During the assault on Berlin Musharraf, while stealing eggs, mistakenly put a grenade down his pants and lost his left nut. Unfortunately for him he only had one nut!
Musharraf also served under Darth Vader. At this time he was promoted to vodka boy. He was bullied by imperial army for being descendant of a cockroach. This pissed Musharraf off to the point of jumping out of the death star into the vacuum of space. Cockroaches dont need oxygen so he survived his journy and crah landed in the Amazon forest where he was raised by African Chimps. The Chimps deny this though.thakk
== The United States of Azaristan and Pakistan ==
Soon after the 911 (no idiot, not 911 the American helpline for God's sake) after 9/11 attacks in a village in US (Uganda School of Arts) Musharraf allied with B+US+H. B and H were added to US, because the new American President made US look like a bush in the wild. Due to this, the extremists started calling him 'Busharraf'. According to the famous Einstein's theory of Bushity, Bush + Musharraf = Busharraf. He was changing sides, as now he is with US on war against terrorism. The religious fanatics thought 'Busharraf' is our enemy too, so they left their tongue out of their asses and wanted to drown/kill Busharraf with water guns. Musharraf was lucky to put a water-proof jacket around his waist to escape three times. Busharraf was also lucky to have worn a parachute to jump off the burning bush. Isn't that guy just plain lucky?
Azaristan looked like a dog wagging his tail when he saw Pakistan allied with US. Hence, a new nation came into being, "The United States of Azaristan and Pakistan". Osama bin Laden, who was laden with lies about Islam and twisted the religion for his own benefit, was once a sweet-heart darling of Bush. Bush and Laden wanted all the good things, so they bought all the candies in the market but Osama wanted toys. Bush didn't like it, then he said bush'or'us (not toys r'us). Bush said, "Either you are with candies or with toys," But Laden, laden with lies, was fond of toys. So the two once close friends, become enemies. That reminds me of my days in kindergarten. Bush likes candies so much that many threw candies and eggs on his car on his inauguration day in 2001. American people love him so much! Hence, the Third World War will be between toys and candies.
== Uniform Controversy ==
Unbeknownst to most of Musharraf’s critics, Mushy is emotionally attached to his uniform much like a toddler to her security blanket. Adrienne Phelps, a renowned New York psychiatrist, has held numerous counseling sessions with Musharraf since 2002 to find the causes of this unhealthy attachment and to help Musharraf overcome it. Phelps declined to comment on whether the therapy was successful, citing patient privacy concerns, but did say on condition of anonymity that “it doesn’t look good.” Phelps predicts that any prolonged separation from the uniform would instill intense panic in Musharraf, potentially causing permanent brain damage and/or an automatic sex change. People close to Musharraf say the therapy continues to this day. Reasons for this attachment to the uniform may lead us way back to Perverts youth, when he was constantly sexually harassed by his family and many others.
Another proposed theory that he superglued his wee wee to his army pants & he cannot take them off. The little General depends on it. This theory explains Mushy's impotency and explains why Bilal looks nothing like his alleged father ( he actually looks more like Bush if you ever looked closely enough).
== Private Life ==
Musharraf famously divorced his wife on the doorsteps of the Taj Mahal and abandoned her there without a visa. After years of courtship, Musharraf is now engaged to Kevin Eubanks of the Tonight Show band. He is also having a covert affair with Barack Obama. He is fond of inter racial sex according to friends close to his family. Mushy once got drunk at a party and had sex with queen elizebeth which led to the birth of Altaf Hussain. Mushy abandoned his illegitimate wife and child but in 2007 after his Re-Election as the most retarded fuck they were united and are now a big happy family who enjoy occasional group sex. 
The speculated reason for his divorce with his first wife was the three-day Karachi Summit between USA and Pakistan. Then US President Dr. Bill Clinton was seen flirting with Pervez Musharraf's Wife. The failure of the summit is also speculated for the same reason and also for Musharraf's immense hate for USA.
== From Musharraf to Busharraf ==
Mush has never taken off his uniform and does not intend to do so in the future until prey-ze-dent bush decides to sodomise him.But prey is death butch says 'Yuck,son of a bitch, you stink even more than condy'. Mush decided that he will prove to bush he's gottta balls of steel (which he claims he got as a gift from osama - been -laden(laden only by 72 virgins to date) for providing him shelter in the dense tree-o-brothel (also called tora bora in slang). Mush has formed a strong gay alliance with president Who-genitao of chinkland. They are working on a joint project to develop a brand new surf which can help mush wash his uniform so that bush can fuck him.They call it mushsurf(Musharraf). However bush accuses China of stealing a surf making formula that bush uses to wash his testicles, which bush had hidden in condy rices' vagina. If the accusations are true, it is the first time china has been able to spy so deep inside the USA.Musharraf was finally developed after A.Q.Khan managed to strike some secret deals with nort korea and libya. However bush insists that the surf is stolen from his testicles, so he insists on calling it Busharraf.Musharraf will remove his uniform sometime in november 2007 and wash himself with busharraf before being sodomised by bush.
==Pastimes==
Musharraf enjoys playing pranks on close friends and strangers alike. His “victims” say they enjoy his pranks and know that it’s all in good fun, although about a dozen people have died as a direct result of Musharraf’s harmless pranks. For example, in the recent Supreme Court case about Musharraf’s eligibility to run for President while he donned his uniform (to which he has an unnatural attachment—see “Uniform Controversy”), Musharraf hilariously tricked Supreme Court judges into believing their families would be blown to smithereens should they vote against him. After a decision favoring Musharraf was issued, the judges were informed of the prank via text messages. Witnesses report that the judges’ responses ranged from “LOL” to “ROFLMFAO.” 
Other famous Presidential pranks include sending real bullets to journalists in blank envelopes and putting people on the Exit Control List when they really needed to leave the country on urgent business. 
Musharraf is also known for his drunken wagering problem. He has drunk-dialed Bush on many-a-occasion, taken up stupid dares and ended up handing over a few Pakistani citizens to be stored at a futuristic research facility known as Gitmo as part of each dare. The families of those citizens report being a little annoyed (but mostly entertained) and have suggested that Musharraf seek help for his alcohol and gambling problems, but are mostly supportive. “All we want is for the President to acknowledge that he has a problem, ‘cuz seriously, he’s royally fucked up. That is the first step. We know it’s hard but we’r all here for you, Mr. President.
== Awards ==
Parvez Musharraf has won many awards including Best Motion Picture Soundtrack and is the author of the New York Times Bestseller — "New-cue-lar Weapon, How to Sell for cheap".
He was also awarded the prestigious Nuclear Non-profit award by the glorious North Korean leader Lil Kim.
Musharraf was recently awarded the Management Guru of the year award from the Management for the retards, to the retards, by the retards Institute located in the hilly afghan-pak border terrain.He specializes in Branding Chinese and North Korean weapons as Made in Pakistan and then test firing them thereby selling it Taliban and allies as Weapons of Pakistani Dominance over the world.
Musharraf was featured on the cover of Elle as the sexiest cockroach alive. The cockroach lobby was fucking pissed & bombed Elle head office in MirPur Khas. All the printed magazines were recalled and Shoved up Musharraf's ass causing indigestion so sever that it is thought it was Musharraf & Union Carbide that caused the Bhopal Disaster
== Publications ==
In 2006, Musharraf fulfilled his lifelong dream of publishing a trashy romance novel, entitled “In the Line of Fire.” Drawing mostly on his real-life intimate experiences with well-known personalities, the novel sold like hot cakes. Controversy arose, however, when former Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif objected to the book’s depiction of Sharif’s relationship with Musharraf. Sharif later came out with a book of his own, “Ghaddar Koun,” (roughly translated as “I Dumped You, Not the Other Way Around, You Son of a Bitch!”) which didn’t do nearly as well.he is the biggest berwa .his wife daughter been widely used in hera mandi.musraf is a famous gay along with rashid quarashi.
Musharraf
== In the Line of Fire: A Memoir ==
https://www.amul.com/2006hits/amul26.jpg
The book begins by outlining Musharraf's rise to the military scene. He talks about his childhood and goes through his education. He devotes a chapter on his life in Turkey as a child and talks about the life of his parents, who despite being poor used to provide for the more destitue in the form of donations. He mentions major moments in his life, including when he was critically injured after falling of a mango tree, when he planted a timed bomb in his teacher's letterbox and rubbish bin and when he was ragged as a new addition to the Pakistan Military Academy, which he calls the best academy in the world. He mentions his political views and his admiration for some of the military leaders in Pakistan. He also produces criticism against the way democracy was run in Pakistan, saying the military were given increasingly political roles but were reprimanded at times for getting too involved in the political scence. He details his hatred of Prime Minister Bhutto's martial law period and his role in Zia ul-Haq's martial law. He also talks about his various roles in the military and his natural motivational skills. He takes extreme pride in the fact that as a commander, he participated in any drills and exercises he was meant to oversee, he believes that the troops he commanded looked up to him because of this.
He talks of his role in the Pakistani SSG and his gallantry medal for his role in the artillery units in the military. He says he was gifted with military tactics at an early age, as he used to be instrumental in battles between street gangs within his home city of Karachi, the aim was to capture the flag of the other gang, and Musharraf organized ambushes and other tactical attacks which ensured victory.
He presents his views about the Indo-Pakistani War of 1965 and the Indo-Pakistani War of 1971 as well as that of the 1999 Kargil Conflict. He bears the view that Pakistan were the winners of the '65 war, a view disputed by most historians[1][2]. He also is selective in his judgement of the 1971 war. In the 1999 war, he believes India crossed the Line of Control, something which the United Nations commended India for not doing.[3] He is also of the view that India started all three wars, a view India rejects. He is of the view that Indian troops would die in the harsh terrain and their comrades would later claim that the troops died in engagement with Pakistanis. This view has been criticized by some.
He devotes a chapter to his coup against Nawaz Sharif and goes into detail about Sharif's hijacking of his plane from the ground. He believes Nawaz Sharif, in the action of sacking him from the position of Army Chief, had staged a coup against the military. He talks about the power distribution in what he calls the worst decade in Pakistan's history (the 90s). He also believes Nawaz and Shahbaz Sharif had been under the immense influence of his father, Mian Mohammad Sharif, who influenced prime minister Sharif to stage the coup against him.
Musharraf says in his memoir that he had little choice after the September 11 attacks but to switch from supporting the Taliban to backing the U.S.-led war on terror groups or face an American onslaught. Fearing a return to the Stone Age, Pervez Musharraf agreed to back the U.S. led war against terror. The book also criticizes the U.S.-led invasion of Iraq, saying it has made the world "more dangerous."
Unusual in publishing a memoir while still in power, Musharraf says Pakistan, the United States, and Saudi Arabia created an extremist monster by supporting Islamic groups fighting the Soviet Union's 1979-89 occupation of Afghanistan. Musharraf states, "We had assisted in the rise of the Taliban after the Soviet Union withdrew from Afghanistan, which was then callously abandoned by the United States.” He goes on to add that it was within this vacuum that Osama bin Laden and his al-Qaida terror network strengthened, thanks to the support of the Taliban's leader, Mullah Omar. Musharraf, who came to power in a 1999 coup, affirms Pakistan saw the Taliban as a means to end years of chaos in Afghanistan, which peaked during the 1992-96 civil war. Islamabad also saw the Taliban as a counter to Afghanistan's Northern Alliance, which favored Pakistan's rival, India.
After the Sept. 11 attacks, Musharraf says he realized continuing to support the Taliban and having ties with militant groups would set Pakistan on a collision course with Washington. "America was sure to react violently, like a wounded bear," Musharraf writes. "If the perpetrator turned out to be al-Qaida, then that wounded bear would come charging straight toward us." The day after the suicide plane attacks, Musharraf writes, U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell telephoned with an ultimatum, "You are either with us or against us." The next day, he says, Powell's then deputy, Richard Armitage, telephoned the chief of Pakistan's top spy agency, the Directorate of Inter Services Intelligence, with an even sterner warning:
"In what has to be the most undiplomatic statement ever made, Armitage . . . told the director general not only that we had to decide whether we were with America or with the terrorists, but that if we chose the terrorists, then we should be prepared to be bombed back to the Stone Age."
Musharraf worried about nuclear-armed India, with which Pakistan has fought three wars since their 1947 independence from Britain, including two over the disputed Himalayan region of now divided Kashmir. "The Indians might have been tempted to undertake a limited offensive there (Kashmir); or more likely they would work with the United States and the United Nations to turn the present situation into a permanent status quo," Musharraf writes. "The United States would certainly have obliged." He adds, "It is no secret that the United States has never been comfortable with a Muslim country acquiring nuclear weapons and the Americans undoubtedly would have taken the opportunity of an invasion to destroy such weapons." Musharraf declares he thus cut Pakistan's support for the Taliban, despite a possible backlash from radical Islamic groups in his country.
"Why should we put our national interest on the line for a primitive regime that would be defeated?" he asks. "Self-interest and self-preservation were the basis of this decision." Nevertheless, Musharraf disputes Bush's argument that the world is safer following the invasion of Iraq, saying he opposed the war because he "feared it would exacerbate extremism, as it has most certainly done. . . . The world has become far more dangerous." Musharraf details some of the 670 arrests of al-Qaida suspects in Pakistan, including the killers of U.S. journalist Daniel Pearl. However, he concedes al-Qaida and Taliban militants still operate in his country, while repeating his insistence that he has no knowledge of the whereabouts of top fugitives, including bin Laden and Omar. "If I had to guess, I would assume that he (bin Laden) is moving back and forth across the Pakistan-Afghanistan border somewhere," Musharraf writes.
Category:Dictators with Moustaches