Holy Shit, Mary!

"Holy Shit, Mary!" is the 23rd episode of Wiksteria Lane.
==Summary==
Following the sudden disappearance of Jdg98, MaryPierceLopez starts feeling a tad depressed and needy, and therefore she reaches out to those around her, hoping to figure out what is her next step in life. This leads our favorite young tramp to find herself involved in several game-changing situations that could mean trouble for a few Wiksteria Lane residents.
==Plot==
Mary leaves her template and her father, Villain fan, is seen at the front door, looking at her. They've apparently been fighting.
Mary walks down Wiksteria Lane, up to Wiksteria Park. She passes by Lynette's template, where I luv pll is cleaning the front steps. The maid gives her a nasty look.
Mary walks past some teenagers at the park. She sits down on a bench and the young men point at her and exchange comments with each other, chuckling.
Mary reads a trashy magazine, and Lynette approaches her and tells her he's disappointed in her, given that she hasn't been to work in over a week. Mary asks what he's talking about, and he reminds her that she's his secretary, to which she replies, "Still? Dude, I totes forgot about that. Can I get paid now?" Lynette answers with, "That depends, are you planning on coming in to work anytime soon?" Mary says, "Nah... boring much? Just gimme the badges you owe me and I quits." Lynette seems to be relatively angry. Mary says, "But I'll still come by and suck your lollipop if you want." Lynette gets up from the bench and tells her, "Never mind that. I'm done with all of you." He leaves. Mary shrugs her shoulders and continues reading her magazine.
After a while, Mary comes back home, magazine in tow, and overhears her father talking over the cell phone with Lady Junky, who is staying at a motel. Lady tells her father that she won't be coming home for a few days, because she wants to rest for a while, considering all that's happened lately, with her engagement and wedding falling apart, and the church exploding. In reality, she plans to cover up her recent rape attack from her family, so as to keep them from worrying and attempting revenge. And also because, as is the case with most rape victims, she is ashamed. Villain tells his daughter that he understands, and he then hangs up the phone. Mary asks what's going on, and Vf tells her. He then says that the two of them can't keep fighting over every little superficial thing, otherwise they're gonna send the wrong message to young Cat that theirs is an unstable environment. Mary says she is actually more concerned about the little girl staying at the same place where there's a kid's heart resting in a jar. Villain looks angry that this topic has been brought up again, and Mary tells him that if there is anyone in that template capable of screwing up the poor kid, it's him. Villain encourages Mary to just go out shopping and be quiet. Mary smiles and says, "Actually, I have other stuff on my mind."
Shortly afterwards, Mary shows up at the Moderation Station and catches Renaboss playing FarmVille. She makes a crack ("Thank goodness for the strong arm of the law.") and he asks her why she's there. Mary says she's been meaning to talk to him ever since what happened with Jdg98, because the thing is, they both lost a friend. Rena says he's been holding up fine since the young boy left, and Mary tells him she knows he's lying, that he must feel crappy for not being able to help him. "Add to that the fact that you and my sister have the hots for each other and you totes couldn't be together, well, you gotta at least be sniffing some hint of Depression No. 5 on your body. Your... fine body." Rena, confused, insists that he is doing fine, and she comes up to him and puts her hand under his shirt, caressing his abdominals. "Well... I'm not. In fact... ever since Jdg left... I've been feeling rather... lonely. Sad. And horny..." Rena removes her hand from under his shirt and she puts it on his crotch. He removes it again, and she tells him, "Look... just... block out the world right now. Let's just... do it. On your desk. Door open. Come on." Rena is silent for a while, titillated yet anxious, and he then tells her, "No... I know some other place we can do it in."
Villain fan comes home from the Gallery, bringing with him a gift for Mary, as a way to make amends over their latest meaningless argument, and he heads upstairs to put it on her bed. However, a panting noise calls his attention, coming from his bedroom, so he walks down the hallway on the second floor and is stood at his bedroom's entrance, watching as Renaboss makes love to his middle child on his own bed. Rena looks at him, as he lies on top of Mary. He puts his hands on the bed and thrusts faster into her, as she moans with pleasure, unaware of her father's presence. Rena gives Villain an evil smirk, and the middle-aged man is disgusted and leaves the scene, almost brought to tears.
At the end of the street, over at 4362 Wiksteria Lane, Regemma, the twin sister of the recently departed ImmaGleek, pours some tea for her company, Americana, who has come over unannounced to introduce herself to the new neighbor, and to make her some proposals. Americana starts by engaging in small talk with the hostess, asking her if she's decided to prolong her stay, to which Regemma replies affirmatively, stating that her stay on this beautiful street has given her a lot of inspiration to continue working on her first novel. Amy feigns delight in learning that her neighbor wants to become an author, and asks what the story is regarding. Regemma says, "Well, it constitutes somewhat of a satire, really. It depicts life in suburbia, in a... community that doesn't obey the laws of the real world. A poor young woman is tragically murdered, and someone in the neighborhood, possibly living right next door, is responsible for the crime. It's up to the young woman's twin sister to solve it." Americana smiles as she takes a sip from her cup of tea and says, "That... sounds... intriguing." Regemma sits down on the couch in front of her guest and says, "I know the twin thing is a bit of a cliché, but I found that it worked in this story." Americana tells her she will get straight to business, and tells her 'friend' that she is well aware that Reg believes Imma to have been murdered by their current president, Lynettefan2626. "Well, believe this or not, but I, hum... I have been... very hurt in the past. By him. And I, well... I wish to do something. Not only me, of course, I would need some help, and seeing as how I know you think him a suspect in your sister's disappearance, I figured the two of us could maybe join forces and band together against him. Find out his weak spots, what he is hiding, turn him in and watch him go down." Regemma smiles and says, "Oh, I do plan on bringing him down, absolutely. But I do not count on anyone else's help, thank you very much, I am quite capable of doing everything myself." Americana's smile disappears and she asks Regemma why she isn't willing to let her help, to which Reg replies, "Because as soon as we start discussing plans and I start throwing ideas around, you're gonna go over to your boss and buddy and tell him everything, and by then I will have screwed the pooch." Amy says that's not true, she hates Lynette, and Regemma says, "Oh, Americana... you are so see-through." Amy's let down.
Americana enters Lynettefan's office and tells him that Regemma didn't budge. Lynette is disappointed in her, and somewhat anxious over what Regemma might be plotting.
Over at Wiksteria Park, Mary is sitting in the same bench as before, trying to call someone. She looks frustrated.
Mary shows up at the Moderation Station, and Renaboss, none too happy to see her, says that even though the sex was nice, he doesn't want much more from her. Mary tells him she doesn't either, especially seeing as how she's had better - this last part catches Rena off-guard - and adds that she's come to see if there is any service he can throw her way. Rena is confused, and Mary says that she's been feeling a little useless and disconnected lately and she figured that maybe she could join the strong arm of the law, even if unofficially, and maybe do something to help others and make her feel good about herself. Rena agrees to let her help as much as she can, not convinced that she is actually going to see it through. She then asks if he is looking for Jdg anywhere, to which he replies that the presidents of all three major wikis had already sent some personnel out to get him, but after the church blew up all search parties were called off. Mary is somewhat relieved, as was Rena when he first heard. Mary then wonders what he does, and Rena says he obviously answers to every call made to him by the local community, but his main goal right now isn't necessarily related to his duties: it's to bring down Lynettefan2626. Mary smiles and says she's on board, and he asks her if she isn't Lynette's secretary, to which she replies that she 'totes' quit. Mary asks him if he's ever found any evidence of any wrongdoing of his that could help bring him down, and Rena can only think of the incriminating papers he and Jdg once found in KiMO's template, but the template has since been bought by other people. He tells her the story of UFO and Doc's involvement with the incriminating papers and the history of Lynette's edits on the wiki, and Mary tells him that if Doc was sent the papers, then maybe he had some extra copies in his template... which is now Rena's template. Renaboss is silent for a while and then says, "I feel like a moron right now." Mary tells him, "You should."
Some time later, Rena and Mary are searching through every corner of the former's template, somewhat convinced that they won't be able to find anything, especially seeing as how Rena has lived there for months now and Jdg did such a good job out of cleaning the place when Rena was hospitalized and he himself never admitted to finding anything worth writing home about. Mary is frustrated that they've just been wasting their time, and Rena wonders if Lynette maybe 'cleaned' Doc's place after he died, much like he did with KiMO's, but then he remembers that was allegedly Lynette's first time doing something like that. Mary asks what happened with KiMO and UFO, and Rena tells her that UFO committed suicide shortly before she moved in, and his ashes were scattered over the entrance of the Assembly Hall, and Kimo had supposedly left them, but he is fairly certain that Lynette killed him. Mary then wonders how Lynette would have disposed of Kimo's body, or Imma's, for that matter, and Rena gets an idea.
Hours later, rain is falling on the wiki, as Renaboss and MaryPierceLopez arrive at the wooded area outside of Wiksteria Lane, near the place where UFO Editor told him and Jdg that he and Lynette had buried DoctorStrange in. Renaboss gets out of his car and tells his company that he can't believe he never bothered to look there for any signs of the wiki's former residents, but after being fake-diagnosed with cancer and other things, he just forgot about it. Mary is disgusted to be walking around in the mud, and Rena tells her that that particular muddy territory is good, because it is rich in clay and that helps preserve the bodies, rather than allowing them to rot more easily. Mary is even further disgusted, and Rena starts using a shovel near the place where UFO told them he'd buried Doc. After a few digs downwards, he hits something, and starts digging around it. Mary is too horrified to look, and Rena is simply hopeful. He is then able to remove the dirt from the cadaver's face, only to find that it does indeed belong to DoctorStrange. Rena smiles and says, "Oh, my God, we finally got him..." Mary fights hard to keep down her barf, and comments that what they do have is evidence that UFO killed Doc, not Lynette. Rena is slightly disappointed but tells her that they will work around that, and Mary suddenly runs away from the Moderator and the corpse, feeling woozy. The rain does away with some of the muddy soil, and as she runs she trips on something and falls on the mud. She starts crying with disgust, and then with horror when she realizes that what she has tripped on is a hand. Rena rushes to find her, and spots her trying to crawl away from the hand. Rena takes the dead person's hand and pushes on it, slowly yet forcefully, trying his best not to tear the arm right off of the body, and the face of the corpse emerges from the ground: KiMO. Rena smiles and starts chuckling with relief and pleasure, and says, "Holy shit, Mary!" Mary simply barfs on her lap.
The rains have stopped and Rena leans against the Community Hall, waiting, with his cell phone by his face. The receiver picks up on the other side and Rena smiles as he announces to them that he has come across something very important that will surely end Lynette's reign as president. On the other side of the phone, Gleekobsessed, the president of the Glee Wiki, sitting in his office by his henchman, IceBerry, smiles.
==Trivia==
*Despite the recurring use of cuss language in the series, this is the first episode to feature a swear word in its title. Originally, 2.10 was to have that honor, but its working title ("The Truth Fucking Hurts") was later changed (to "Reach Out").
**This is also the first title to both end with punctuation (exclamation mark), and to be named after a character.
Category:Season 3 Category:Episodes