Christopher Robin, You've Changed

I never thought escaping the dog pound would be so easy. Little did I know how wrong I was. Yes that's the way it was...... uh. Okay that's the last time we're doing that joke today. Although I myself don't see that as a running joke it's more of a nervous twitch kind of thing if you catch my drift. In any case, after getting thrown inside the dog pound, myself and the rest of the Backstreet Dog Gang relegated ourselves to the fact that we may be locked inside the dog pound forever. Now, The Boss and Tramp have been scheming a great escape plan in order for us to get out of the dog pound once and for all. Once we get out of the dog pound, we will run all the way to New Bordeaux and will hide out at the amusement park; Baron Saturday's. Baron's Saturdays is managed by Ritchie Doucet head of the Dixie Mafia. The Boss and Doucet had gone to community college together until Doucet was kicked out for jamming a pencil in his port master's ear. I must admit I do wonder what the story was behind that. Butcher and I were disgusted about the fact that The Boss has continued to treat Tramp as his own son despite the revelation of him being a police informant now being common knowledge. The Boss refused to believe it as he asked me, "you really want me to believe Tramp was a stoolie because some ass wipe cop said so? You bought that line then you're the real idiot Bloom."
Even though it would mean an easy escape from this hell hole, The Boss has insisted that we do not get ourselves adopted. One time, this girl came to see if she could adopt one of us. Me and the rest of the Backstreet Dog Gang were all put onto a display case in front of the girl and her family including her cynical father who was heavily involved in the lottery rackets or something else I dunno. In any case, in order to scare the girl from adopting us we all proceeded to take a dump in the chapter room. Yes inside the display room there was a chapter room where you read the Bible, and sing a song about breaking legs over on the French crossroads. I want you to run the Hollow! Sorry about that still trying my best to clean my damn reading glasses as dogs tend to do ya know? To make a long story short, the little girl and her family ended up running all the way home never to be seen again. How delightfully PG Tips. As the days turned into weeks and the weeks slowly started turning into months, I eventually gave up hope that we would ever be rescued. However, the fateful day came when we were rescued by The Three Little Pigs.
The Three Little Pigs... well actually to be fair to would be more accurate shall we say to call them the Bootleg Three Little Pigs. They didn't look right. Their faces looked melted, and they were all about 6 foot tall. Also, all of the Three Little Pigs were heavy drinkers and chain smokers. The straw house pig was named Lance, the woodhouse pig was named Leopold, and lastly the brick house pig was named Mark. Mark The Park! Lance was the worst offender when it came to chain smoking. He smoked so fucking much that he ended up setting fire to his house made entirely from straw. Well I think it was made from straw anyway as Lance had purchased the straw from the smelliest farmer you'd ever see. "I got the corn!" The farmer sang as he handed Lance bags upon bags full of premium straw. Two days after building his home, Lance ended up inadvertently setting the damn thing on fire after dropping sixty cigarettes on the floor. It's a miracle he was able to survive really. Leopold lost his house after he was arrested for tax evasion. He was trying to avoid paying his taxes. No because he was trying to hoard his money, no it was because he didn't even know what taxes were. Mark is the only pig to still have a home, and even though Lance and Leopold were very rude to their older brother, Mark still took them in once he heard that the Big Bad Wolf had come back to town.
However, the Big Bad Wolf was actually the victim in the situation. He was a debt collector who worked for several companies like HSBC and so and so forth. I should also mention that the Big Bad Wolf suffered from asthma. Due to his asthma, the Big Bad Wolf was never able to blow down any of the Three Pig's homes. He was actually hired by British Gas, and was trying to collect the gas bill from the Pigs. That's the real reason behind the Big Bad Wolf's pursuit of the Three Little Pigs. Eventually as the story goes, the Pigs tricked the Wolf into climbing down the chimney where he fell into a pot of boiling hot water and was burnt to death. A mouse with a severe nose injury reported the murder to the CLPD, and the Three Little Pigs were brought in front of an unforgiving jury. Though people initially spoke out of defence for the Three Little Pigs as time went on more and more details came out about the incident. Eventually, the Pigs confessed to conspiring to commit tax fraud and they had murdered the Wolf in an attempt to cover their tracks, but sadly Incidental 57 had gone to primary school with the Wolf, and knew there was no way the Wolf could have blown those three houses down. He had asthma for crying out loud! The charges were eventually dropped following The Three Little Pig's decision to donate 60 million euros to the Wolf Crisis Centre in Empire Bay which was launched by Wilfred Wolf who was an old friend of the Big Bad Wolf because well why wouldn't he be?
The Three Little Pigs who I should probably also mention were incredibly German. Like so German it makes my little doggy stomach hurt though that could also be because of the raw steak lambshabab I had at that Brazilian restaurant back in 2011. The staff at the restaurant were very nice, but the meat was grey and lumpy. Ew chew the stew! "So how do you suggest we escape?" I inquired. "Very simple." Lance said before continuing with, "you just got to dig a little deeper it really ain't that far!" Yes as it turns out, all the cells in the dog pound had massive holes on the ground which led to the mines of pine. Once inside the mines of pine by using the fire exit, you would be able to escape back onto the streets of Oakton City. So against my better judgement, I asked, "are you sure?" Leopold turned to face me very slowly smoking from a cigarette as he said, "stop asking such annoying fucking questions and get down that damn hole doggy!" Before I had a chance to complain over Leopold's harsh comment, I had already been thrown down the hole by Butcher who took a piss on my head. "What on Earth did you do that for Butcher?" The Boss questioned. Though I could tell that in a curious sense he found the situation to be very amusing indeed. "I needed to take a pee, and I didn't quite make it to the courtyard." Butcher admitted. You didn't even bother going to the courtyards you bloody stupid bulldog.
Before the dog pound's guard dogs and owners; Castor and Pollux could even realise we were escaping we were long long, and were running down the streets of Oakton City while super epic music played in the background. Well I say run but truth be told, I was actually doing more of a stroll as there's no chance in Oakton I'm running. Not as young as I used to be you know? Anyways, before heading to New Bordeaux, The Boss suggested hiding out at a old abandoned disco club in Edbrook in order to wait for the heat to die down. We knew fully well that Castor and Pollux had connections to the Oakton City Police Department (OCPD), and we also knew fully well that the police would feel no qualms in taking us back to the dog pound in order to learn a lesson in manners or some shit. I don't even know. To our utter dismay well certainly my utter dismay anyway, we learned that the disco club was of course ran by none other than Disco Stu.
Disco Stu, oh I should have known! Those guilty feet have got no rhythm, but I know he's not a fool. I know this because Disco Stu had fish shoes which were shoes that had fish inside of them. Sadly, the fish were long dead, but Disco Stu just couldn't take the damn shoes off. Butcher asked, "how long we going to hide out here?" "Just for tonight, we need to have confirmation that the OCPD won't come chasing after us once Castor and Pollux inform them of our great escape." The Boss explained. To help pass the time, Disco Stu suggested watching some Disney+. "Sure sounds good to me." Lance said while smoking 90 cigarettes all at once. Told he was a fucking chain smoker didn't I my pork? Disco Stu exited the room twerking as he did so. "Ooh yeah." Disco Stu said as he twerked his way out of the room. He eventually came back two seconds later carrying a laptop which was covered in smelly bacon sauce. What the shit even is bacon sauce? Well I wouldn't no! Like seriously, I don't know why are you asking me for? Ask the dishes! They can sing they can dance after all this is Oakton City. Disco Stu then began dancing towards the smelly worktable as he placed the laptop onto.
Disney+.... man that site is bad business. Now, I myself wanted to watch the brand new Pixar movie Soul, but Disco Stu wasn't having none of that I tell you! Neither were my associates as Lance smoked a massive cigarette as he said, "nein! We watch something with traditional German values." "Excuse me?" I asked like some kind of Arthur Morgan as Disco Stu and The Boss started scanning through Disney+ until they eventually settled upon watching My Friends Tigger & Pooh? Why? Well something I should have mentioned during my recount of that horrid American Dad episode; The Boss loves Winnie The Pooh, and is known as the biggest Winnie The Pooh fan in all of Oakton City. Back when we were still living in the junkyard, The Boss had decorated his den to have loads of Winnie The Pooh merchandise including unlicensed Disney products based on the brand like a Winnie The Pooh flamethrower, Owl's Patterned Bowel Softener, Rabbit toes, and an electric magnetic pulse sensor aerobic dynamic shaped like the nose of Pooh's honey dealer. Yeah, Pooh has a honey dealer. Look it up in the official Winnie The Pooh Strategy Guide No69 which also diverges details on Eeyore's blood transfusion and Rabbit robbing counterfeit plates from the Federal Reserve. Rabbit wants those damn plates to build a casino over in New Bordeaux and make the city the Las Vegas of the South. I heard Spider-Man was there. Cue the sinister music.
My Friends Tigger & Pooh is a horrid show which was created by Playhouse Disney or Disney Junior as they're now known as in around 2007 or thereabouts. The show was extremely popular and lasted until 2010 after some old bastard named Colonel Bolonel made a DISGUSTING episode which resulted in the show getting cancelled, and Playhouse Disney changing into Disney Junior. I sure do wonder what the story was behind that. Wink. I need to get something off my chest before we begin. That show might just be the worst thing that Disney ever made. Yes even worse than Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Handy Manny, PJ's Bedtime, Lab Rats, Mr Young, and so many others. I'm not going to bother explaining the lore of My Friends Tigger & Pooh because to be frank with you I haven't got the time. Have you? Yeah that's right I thought not so anyways, Disco Stu and The Boss scanned through the various episodes on Disney+ until they reached an episode which apparently The Boss had never seen before.
The episode was called, "Christopher Robin, You've Changed." The teaser image of the episode showed Christopher Robin who was now an adult wearing a nice suit dancing with Pooh Bear while the other characters were cheering in the background. The description of the episode read, "in the never before seen finale of the acclaimed children's show My Friends Tigger & Pooh; Christopher Robin finally returns to the Hundred Acre Wood after spending 17 years in New York City. He's an incredibly powerful congressman under the tutelage of Congressman Chuck Long. Upon reuniting with their former owner, Winnie The Pooh and his friends Eeyore included begin to ponder about whether Christopher Robin is the same person he used to be or if there's a shadow hanging over him." I must admit my curiosity had peaked. I had no idea the show had an unreleased final episode so I demanded that Disco Stu clicked play on the video. "Disco Stu needs you." Disco Stu said as he slammed his finger down on the spacebar allowing for the episode to begin.
The theme song just wasn't right. No, it was completely wrong as a matter of fact. For starters, the intro was incredibly slow and Darby's singing voice sounded like a 96 year old man who has no ears but he sure does have a lot of deer's. During the part where Darby rides down the hill on her motorbike she ends up crashing it into a tree causing a massive explosion. Next, during the segment in the theme song where Darby, Pooh, Tigger, Eeyore, Rabbit, and so on are walking through the Acre Wood all the music in the background was replaced with giant fart noises. They were so bloody loud it caused my reading glasses to shatter into a million tiny bite size pieces. I was however fortunate enough to have a spare pair on me for times like these. Lastly, when Pooh and Tigger appeared in the title of the show; Pooh caused all the letters to collapse on top of Darby crushing her to death in the process. Pooh said, "oh buggering buggerton," as the episode then started with the title card which read, "Christopher Robin, You've Changed." Only the title card wasn't read by Darby like it normally was no instead it was read by Paul O'Grady.
Pooh and his friends were getting the Hundred Acre Wood set up for a big welcome back party for Christopher Robin. "I can't believe it." Darby said before continuing with, "after 17 years, Christopher Robin is finally coming back from New York City." "Yeah I can't believe it's been that long already." Tigger said while licking the paper plates for some reason. The party looked very childish as Pooh and the gang did not seem to realise that Christopher Robin was now an adult. There was no food well the only thing editable at the table was a pot of honey. Upon seeing the aforementioned pot of honey, Pooh who had busy getting the party hats from his house leaped onto the table and jumped inside the honey pot. The pot was huge and Pooh fit right in there. Pooh then came out from the top of the pot pulling an incredibly smelly face. He was also wearing a bathing suit which colours were black and yellow like a big ole bumblebee. "Oh Pooh... that really isn't sanitary." Rabbit said as a red and white limousine pulled up on the pavement. Pooh got out from the honey pot, and cleaned himself up with a towel that Piglet had lent him. A man wearing a nice business suit who looked like he was in his early to mid twenties got out from the car. It was Christopher Robin.
Christopher Robin looked much older. I think in the context of the show he was about 10 years old which means that he would be about 22 years old during this encounter. Yet he looked much older. He had stress marks on his face, and he looked like he was in his late 40's. His hair was also jet black and if you zoomed into his hair by 4546% you would see a Jumbo Jet just sitting there. Christopher Robin gave Pooh a big old bear hug when he saw him which recreated the teaser picture we talked about earlier. Remember that? "Heya Pooh how are you?" Christopher Robin asked. However, Pooh could speak he was interrupted by Darby who said rather rudely, "oh don't talk to him Chris he's a fucking carpet bagger." I vomited all over Disco Stu's afro. Not because of the swearing, no my friends I vomited because Darby brought up the fact that years before the events of My Friends Tigger & Pooh, Pooh used to bag carpets for an incredibly sinister golfer who while very friendly to Pooh was actually very superficial. That's just sick! "Darby... what are you doing here?" Christopher Robin asked to which Darby responded with, "you left me in charge of Pooh and the gang remember?" According to Christopher Robin, time worked very differently in the Hundred Acre Wood compared to the real world. Well in the Hundred Acre Wood time wasn't really a thing per say. Yes, days still passed by, but no one ever aged as if this was some kind of purgatory. This helped to explain in the context of this episode why Darby was like six years old and Christopher Robin was in his early to mid twenties. Time in regular Earth moved much quicker which is the reason why Christopher Robin had aged so quickly inbetween this episode and his last appearance on the show.
Upon hearing what Darby had to say; Christopher Robin's face became red with fury as he asked, "I Christopher Robin would I do a thing like that?" "Uh..." Darby was cut off as she was grabbed by the neck by Christopher Robin. He held Darby high up into the early afternoon sky as he yelled, "you think you're the shit Darby, but you're not!" And with that, Christopher Robin proceeded to throw Darby across the Hundred Acre Wood, and he laughed menacingly as Darby flew all the way past the Gates of Graceland and landed right in the middle of a grave where the tombstone had a picture of the original Xbox on it. I mean how could that be anything other than a political statement? At that moment, another man got out from the limousine and introduced himself as Congressman Chuck Long. Chuck Long was a fat fuck who was eating a big roast dinner as he got out from the limo. He made his way over to Christopher Robin and asked, "have you informed your friends here of the bill yet Chris?" "Not yet Mr Long." Christopher Robin admitted. "Well get on with it then will you! We need to be back in Washington before Sundown. President Biden wants to talk about the hills in Monto or some shit I don't even know but it sounds important." "Whoa what's going on here what bill?" Rabbit asked who was busy playing Angry Birds.
Sitting down at the head of the birthday table, Christopher Robin explained that he was now a respected member of Congress and had trained extensively under Congressman Long. He told Pooh and the gang that Congressman Long had just gotten a bill signed by the United States Government. The bill gave Long permission to demolish the Hundred Acre Wood in order to build a KFC. Just one KFC right in the very centre of the woods. However, this KFC would be the only KFC in the world to include the Super Long Burger which was a burger which had a patty shaped like Congressman Long's face. It was also filled with onion sauce. ONION SAUCE! Sorry the mentioning of onion sauce brings back bad memories of when I accidentally threw a jar of onion sauce down on the ground while shopping at my local Tesco. Hmm Christopher Robin then explained that he a lot of influence from the Cuneo Crime Family who wished to open up a casino slap bang in the foundation of Pooh's home. "Why would you want to destroy the lovely Hundred Acre Wood Christopher Robin?" Owl asked. "Fuck you." Christopher Robin said as he pulled out a shotgun and shot Owl in the chest with it. Owl didn't die however instead he collapsed into a pile of leaves as he said, "I'm okay." "You must have a cold." Pooh remarked. The sheer stupidity of Pooh's remark was enough to make Owl die on the spot. Great going Pooh!
According to some flashbacks which were then shown, Christopher Robin had grown tired of visiting the Hundred Acre Wood, and so with permission from family friend Leo Galente, Christopher moved to New York City where he attended Fordham University. After leaving Fordham, Christopher Robin infiltrated Congress by the means of several betrayals and manipulations. He was able to get into Congressman Long's good books by showing how he liked to shoot a chocolate bunny named Lance Chance with a handgun. The chocolate bunny was actually a real bunny but it showed no fear despite having a loaded handgun pointed as it's little head. Christopher Robin was able to get an even better relationship with Long after performing an incredibly cringe worthy dance that was so bad that Long kept vomiting out his nose. In order to stop the young man from possibly killing him with his horrid dancing, Congressman Long offered the young Christopher Robin a highly important job in Congress. Christopher Robin's first job was to help tear down the Hundred Acre Wood so they could place Long's KFC there, and so on and so forth. After the flashbacks ended, Pooh went to go say something but the episode cut to black and came to show a really weird clip. Well two weird clips actually.
The first clip had some pigeons (I think), singing an incredibly smelly song. The smelliest song you will ever hear. Honest to otter, the song was so fucking smelly it made my eyes to turn green and I began vomiting out some nose hair, but that's another story entirely. Oh my wickers would someone please make those damn pigeons into roast dinners already? Finally, the second and last clip showed the Red & Yellow M&M's outside a local Asda in Oakton. Red was about to eat an M&M ice cream treat when Yellow noticed that the ice cream looked an awful lot like him. "Hey that ice cream looks just like you!" Yellow proclaimed happily to which Red bluntly replied with, "no it doesn't." Needing to prove his point, Yellow removed Red's eyes and placed them onto the ice cream so that Red would able to compare the ice cream to his own body. "Maybe a little." Red admitted as he then started screaming in agony after finally realising that Yellow had removed his eyes from him. What a sick twisted M&M that Yellow! After that the clips ended.
Once the two clips ended, Pooh was shown trying his best to get Christopher Robin to reconsider his decision to destroy the homes of so many, but Christopher Robin had changed. He was now a cruel man and he ordered his henchmen who were very big and beefy looking street enforcers to set Pooh on fire. Christopher Robin and Congressman Long made their departure inside the limousine from earlier, but Pooh was able to overpower the two enforcers by eating them because bears are monsters didn't ya know? Winnie The Pooh is no exception to this rule! In any case, Pooh spent the remainder of the afternoon discussing what to do about Apu. No in all seriousness, Pooh and his friends discussed on what to do about Christopher Robin's evil plan. "I suppose we could just move to Empire Bay." Piglet suggested. "Don't be silly Piglet. That's exactly what those sissy fucks want us to do." Pooh said in a rather nasty tone. Also, I guess the animation wasn't finished for this episode because from this point on Pooh was not animated. All of his characters were animated, but Pooh for some strange reason wasn't. He was now just some random heroin dealer inside a Winnie The Pooh costume which had come off the set of a never released horror movie entitled Pooh Bear Man. The Winnie The Pooh costume looked bloody horrendous as the actor's eyes were bulging out like some kind of Luca Brasi. And yet here we are.
Not wanting to lose their home to some ass wipe Congressmen, Pooh and the other residents of the Hundred Acre Wood including Kanga and little Roo decided to make a petition. They believed that a petition would somehow convince Congressman Long to not go ahead with demolishing the Hundred Acre Wood. Piglet created the petition, and the gang went around the entire woods asking for people to sign their petition. Pooh and Piglet even made a quick visit to their local church where they attempted to get Father James to sign the petition. "I ain't talking to you!" Father James barked to Piglet. He wasn't a very good priest that Father James as he smoked like 50 cigarettes and drank 12 kegs of beer each and every day. Though he look an awful lot like Morgan Freeman in his younger days so perhaps with that said maybe society is to blame. In any case, Father James eventually agreed to sign the petition once he recalled how Pooh had helped with the construction of his church many moons ago. Even longer now than what it seems. So sad.
After finishing up the petition, Pooh decided to present the petition to King Henry The IV: the self described ruler of the Hundred Acre Wood. King Henry The IV despite his name was not the real King of the same name. He was incredibly fat and also very lazy. He required people to bath him because he just couldn't bare the thought of doing it himself. So then we were treated to a scene which featured an old butler scrubbing Henry's back as he said, "ah I need some cheese. Remind me to check." Ah! Finally a My Friends Tigger & Pooh episode with a bathing of King Henry part. Perhaps that was the most important part all along. Pooh presented his petition to King Henry who grinned from ear to ear upon seeing it. However, that's when King Henry made a very shocking revelation. He could not read a word of it. Well it was mainly because Piglet's handwriting was fricking atrocious. He had written the document in strawberry jam which disgusted King Henry as he would have preferred for the document to be Protestant. Most dreams do come true. Before making their departure from the castle which was really just an underground bunker deep in the heart of Hundred Acre Wood, King Henry suggested that Pooh and his friends chain themselves to the front of the Wood so that Congressman Long and Christopher Robin will have to look elsewhere before building their KFC on the land. "They don't even own the land." King Henry admitted before continuing with, "that all belongs to Remy Duval. He's the big shot on the Hundred Acre Wood Radio. Without him; there's no KFC."
That evening, Tigger paid a visit to Remy Duval's residence and asked for Duval's help in signing a warrant against Congress. "I'll strangle that son of bitch!" Duval yelled at the very top of his lungs. Duval was a childhood friend of Christopher Robin, but sadly the pair lived a very different life once Duval became leader of the Wood Union. The Wood Union are some really scary people who kidnap and kill stuffed animals like Tigger and his friends, however Duval didn't wish to kill Tigger and his friends as he was getting paid a great deal of canned bread cans to help with their affairs. And so that evening, Remy Duval and Tigger discussed their affairs over a bowl of Christmas punch. "This punch tastes fricking musky!" Tigger cried in disgust as he spat the punch all over Duval's ear. An ear for an ear! The following day after the meeting with Duval, Tigger brought back word to Pooh and the others that they would be chaining themselves to the trees of the Hundred Acre Wood in order to prevent Christopher Robin from tearing down their home. Pooh and his friends finished chaining themselves up as Christopher Robin and Congressman Long appeared on the scene. Christopher Robin and his construction team were horrified to see Pooh and his friends had chained themselves to the trees like the tree huggers they were. Oh, and of course Congressman Long was very angry when he saw what Pooh and his friends had done, and he threatened to impose martial law onto the Hundred Acre Wood as he had a good relationship with General Asquith and the British Armed Forces. A great many soldiers were on Long's payroll for big money because he was a very big bastard after all.
Congressman Long always a man looking for a bargain tried his best to buy off Pooh with a pot of crystal honey from the Isles of Crystal. "Who needs Crystal Isle it's sweeter at the docks." Pooh sang. "He has a point Chuckie." Christopher Robin said as he started rubbing Long's shoulder for an uncomfortable amount of time. "Don't Chuckie me Chris! The deal's off. So, I'll be taking that 10 million dollar bond from you and I will also be stripping you from your title of Congressman." Congressman Long admitted as he began making his way down the street farting violently as he did so. However, it was Christopher Robin who ended up getting the last laugh as Congressman Long was ran over a bus that was being driven by Freddy Krueger. "Oh dancing in the street when the bus is in motion!" Freddy Krueger proclaimed as he then did his trademark laugh. Kruger then proceeded to drive the bus all the way into the sunset while the song, "Ocean Drive." by the Lighthouse Family played in the background. Hmm.
Somehow, Pooh and the others were able to unchain themselves from the trees and went to go and console Christopher Robin, but he ended up losing his shit in a way that had never been seen before. Christopher Robin falcon punched Pooh in the face before pulling out a lighter. "Christopher Robin what... what are you doing with that lighter....bastard?" Piglet asked timidly as Christopher Robin said evilly, "you ain't that lucky bastards." He then proceeded to throw the lighter right at Pooh's face and because Pooh and the others were made from highly flammable material this meant that they ended up catching on fire. Within just five seconds, the whole entire Hundred Acre Wood had been engulfed in a huge pit of fire. Winnie The Pooh was no more. Satisfied, Christopher Robin decided to not call Congressman Long to inform him of this development, and he also made sure to kill his entire construction company so that no one could report this affair to the NYPD.
With Winnie The Pooh and his friends dead, Christopher Robin took control the newly renamed Christopher Robin City. Wow how original. He spat on Pooh's grave one last time before building a casino on top of the rubble of Pooh's old home. Two years later, Christopher Robin opened another casino, and then it just became an avalanche of developments. A new convention centre, shopping centre, and even a Chips Ahoy rehab centre. Today, everyone knows Hundred Acre Wood as the Las Vegas of the woods. And Christopher Robin? He still lives in the penthouse suite at the top of his casino looking out over the city he owns. The episode then ended with the normal credits. However, there was a post credit scene which seemed to be mocking the Sonic Says segment from the Adventures of Sonic The Hedgehog series. In the after credits scene, Pooh was trying to educate the viewers at home about strangers. "What is a stranger you ask. Well you can go on Google and look that up yourself you sissy fuck." Pooh said.
After we got done watching the episode, we were surprised to learn that there was another episode on Disney+ which had never been seen before. According to the description on Disney+, the episode had been banned over 9000 times. This episode was entitled, "Busting A Bus." We clicked on it, and it was even worse than the previous episode. The episode was about Pooh and the gang delivering cocaine to Christopher Robin, and talking about sticking testicles out of the window. "I need something which can hold all of the dirrahea." Eeyore said at one point in the episode. Oh that was it! Having had enough, I threw a dog biscuit right at the screen of the laptop which caused it to explode into a million tiny bite size pieces. The past must be paid for I always say. Anyways, after watching the episode, Leopold kicked Disco Stu in the shin which fell to the floor in pain as he cried, "Disco Stu needs a doctor!" Before Disco Stu had a chance to call the dog pound on us, we had already exited the disco club.
Once outside of the disco club, myself, the Backstreet Dog Gang, and the Three Little Pigs proceeded to run all the way to New Bordeaux. New Bordeaux was roughly 72 hours or something away from Oakton City, we are able to get there in like two seconds flat because we had entered an interdimensional portal in order to get there. Upon reaching New Bordeaux, the Backstreet Dog Gang and I set up residence at Baron's Saturdays while the Three Little Pigs found work as cynical property developers. They were supported in their affairs by Don Sal Marcano of the Marcano Crime Family. Marcano allowed for the trio to take control of the Hollow. "I want you to have the Hollow!" Marcano proclaimed a little too happily for my dog guts to be able to handle, but then again as a dog I feel as though it would be unwise to make comments like that. Bullocks! With permission from Marcano, Lance opened up a cigarette club over in the French Ward. The club was exclusive to all the pigs of New Bordeaux, and because New Bordeaux was in the middle of a massive pig infestation it meant that Lance had a lot of customers. Though he wasn't a pig; Sal's brother Uncle Lou was also a frequent customer at Lance's club. Because well why he wouldn't be? It is Uncle Lou after all.
At Baron Saturdays, we are able to kick the Dixie Mafia out due to them all being deathly afraid of dogs. Ritchie Doucet wasn't scared of dogs, but we managed to get rid of him by hanging him from a Ferris wheel. "Decent thing would be to let a man get in a prayer before you kill him." Doucet pleaded as an unmoved Tramp responded with, "you can pray on the way up." Doucet managed to escape the Ferris wheel by leaping into a truck carrying stacks upon stacks of freshly cooked hay. Isn't that swell? So with Doucet and the Dixie Mafia out of the way, the Backstreet Dog Gang took control of the amusement park, and while in New Bordeaux, our gang was able to prosper once again. Though still not very powerful, I feel a little confident now knowing that we no longer have to live under the watchful eyes of Castor and Pollux. That My Friends Tigger & Pooh might have just saved our lives in more ways than one. I should also mention that a few days after arriving in New Bordeaux, I attempted to look for the two episodes on Disney+ but they had been removed. What the shit was Mickey Mouse playing at? The world may never know. Goodbye for now readers.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Satire
Category:Loads of Characters
Category:Lost Episodes
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:MOTHER OF FUCK THIS PAGE IS LONG LIKE MY PAINIS