The New Microsoft Outlook

The New Microsoft Outlook is...well, let me tell you. Sit down by the fireplace - isn't that nice and warm? - sit down and I'll tell you all about the new Microsoft Outlook. See, thing is, friend, us over at Microsoft have been feeling a bit bad lately. You know, about our role in the world and all that. Old Bill, Mr. Gates I suppose I should call him, he felt that maybe we weren't doing enough for ordinary folks like you, or your mom or your pop, and that maybe we needed to change the way we did business. So that's what the new Microsoft Outlook is all about. It's an Outlook that says change. Like Obama said, you know we love Obama over at Microsoft! That 'lil negro scamp sure has done himself proud, eh? We like that, we like that kind of affirmative action. Why, we're even employing more and more of our staff from what you might call the darker end of the spectrum, eh? Not here, of course, but out in Africa, where they...y'know, not belong exactly, but are, hell, what's the word? CheaACCUSTOMED I mean, accustomed, of course.
So we thought about change, and about our place in the world, and decided just...gee, wouldn't it be swell if we came up with a new way of looking at things? Like Google, when they said "Don't Be Evil," we thought...wow, that's great, we laughed when we heard that slogan. Let me tell you, Old Bill...Mr Gates, I mean, he laughed a lot when he heard that phrase. The new Microsoft Outlook stands for hope, son, it stands for progress, it stands for a future we can all believe in!
==That sounds a bit-==
Great, doesn't it? I thought you might understand. I mean, you agreed to come out here to this cabin and listen to this story, not many guys woulda done that.
==I didn't exactly-==
Oh, shush, let an old programmer finish his tale. See, this new Outlook is going to change everything. Now we've got a way of looking at the world that means people are going to say...yeah, Microsoft, they care, they're a cool bunch of people. They drink Smirnoff Mice in clubs and...and...they like the hippity-hop, and the Rick 'n roll music, let's do our business with them! And that's what we want, see, we want a relationship with our customers, and that's what this new Outlook is all about. I know what you're probably thinking, that this Outlook is pretty much identical to the old Outlook only with a different appearance, but come on, does that sound like something Microsoft would do? I don't think it does. And I think it's pretty rude of you to suggest that, to be honest, but you know what? I'm going to forgive you. Because that's what the new Outlook is all about.
Let's look at our new staffing strategy, this whole Africa thing. You know how everyone hates dialling customer service centres? Well, when you're calling another continent at a premium rate, we find everything gets sorted so much quicker! So that's what we've done. We've added a few extra zeroes onto your phone bill, and pretty soon you'll find you want to deal with those annoying little quirks yourself. Everyone's a winner! Even better, do you ever find yourself getting stressed out, trying to sort out your possessions? I know Old Bi...Mr Gates does. He once called me up and said "I've forgotten how many countries I own!" and we all had a good laugh. The correct answer was eighty-two, of course, but never mind. Anyway, we hate that feeling over at Microsoft. We figured you do as well. That's why we first came up with the idea that you shouldn't have to own our software once you've paid for it, no, instead you just have it on an indefinite lease that we can theoretically reclaim at any time. Simples, eh? (We love that meerkat over at Microsoft).
With the New Microsoft Outlook we've taken this idea one further. Not only do you not have to own the software you purchased, we're not going to let you use it, either. Hey, you look a little weirded out, but bear with me. If you can't use it then it can never go wrong, never crash, never lock you out, basically it'll never do any of the things that Microsoft products absolutely don't do, no, never, but let's just talk hypothetically for this, right? Something that you can't use is always going to be perfect, and perfection is what the New Microsoft Outlook is all about! It'll, hey, it'll be just like your high school sweetheart, won't it, eh, champ? I bet she's never forgotten about you, handsome fella like yourself. That's what this new Outlook is going to be like, you hear me? Plus it's good for the enviroment, and us over at Microsoft, we really love the enviroment!
==I'm not really sure I-==
Come on, son, just keep it down, will you? Seriously, you don't want to go attracting attention to yourself out here, that's definitely not the way this new Outlook works. The new Outlook wants us all to get along, and we can't get along when you keep raising your voice like that, can we?
==I'm just saying-==
Well don't, ok? Come on, get with the party line here, and the new Outlook!
==That really sounds like-==
You shut up. You shut up right now.
Now, where was I? Oh, of course, the New Microsoft Outlook! It's about friendship, and sharing, and just everyone getting along and having the best time they can. It's an Outlook that says "hey, let's enjoy ourselves here." We've even got a cool, unknown indie band to advertise it, that's how serious we are.
We've put a lot of time into this Outlook of ours, you know. A lot of time and energy. We want to show that Microsoft is a company that cares. We want the world to know that we're turning a corner, and we're going to be seeing a lot of smiling faces on the way. I don't see you smiling, though, buddy. What gives?
==Why am I tied to this chair?==
Server crash. Get used to it.
==What if I accidentally deleted items of Outlook?==
Well, you can easily recover the item by clicking on Tools and then the Recover Deleted Items icon option to make it alive in your Outlook Inbox. If you “hard deleted” items in Outlook or the emails simply lost from Outlook folders, there are 2 ways to fix. One is to edit Windows registry to enable "Recover deleted items from any folder" feature, while the other is to use software to recover deleted items Outlook.
==See Also==
*Microsoft
*Bullshit
*Idealism
*Computers
Category:Microsoft
Category:Happy Monkey Entry March 2011