ALBUQUERQUE BUT (DO NOT WATCH)

Way back when I was 19, surfing on my computer, in my dirty personal room filled with random junk that I no longer touch after 3 weeks. I was on my PC about to upload my "Albuqueruque but it's Gedagedigedagedao Omega challenge" to my former old channel where I farmed content and still post stuff there, so people don't think that the channel's dead.
However, when the uploading progress bar hit 92.7%, the bar stopped and froze and broke. I was feeling moody, "Really? Again? For the 20th time?". I grumpily mumbled and went to upload the other Albuquerque parody I made. But right below it, next to my Barney the Dinosaur fancam (I used the file explorer on Windows 11), there was an Albuquerque parody I don't recall making, simply called "ALBUQUERQUE_BUT(DO_NOT_WATCH).mp4" being the stupidly idiotic moron I was at the time. I double-clicked on it, and lo-and-behold, there was an actual video, and not some text file saying "lol idiot" like most of the mail I was getting last week, wow.
The video began with the regular Albuquerque intro, but there was one small, tiny, detail... MIRACLE MACHINE, THE MAIN PROTAGONIST OF THE ALBUQUERQUE MOVIE, HAD NO EYES! I raised my eyebrows in shock, "What the shabalabadingdong was this kerfuffle?" I said 21 and three quarters into the video, I clicked on the video and accidentally paused it, so I clicked on it again, and almost immediately paused, why? MIRACLE MACHINE SOUNDED SOUL-SUCKINGLY AWFUL!!''
It's like I was listening to a megaphone at 206% volume right next to my left ear canal! I muted the video as fast as the Flash, and turned on captions, but there were none so I put my volume to 22% and turned the sound back on. Oh, and Miracle was still missing his eyes.
The video played out as normal, along with the previous distortion or whatever's still in effect. However, when Miracle's mother was about to yell at her son (Miracle). She grabbed Miracle's leg and his esophagus and ripped out his appendix twenty-three times, all while her son was bleeding and screaming and yelling all over the place! "HUH? WTF?" I bellowed, why was this version of Albuquerque so mean-spirited? Why haven't the cops arrested this criminal? Should I turn off the PC? Only the last question was answered, because I didn't do that. The video continued as normal, like nothing even happened!
When Mr. Miracle talked about how he got the ticket to Albuquerque, the audio distortion was finally gone, and now I could listen to this song! Oh, thank the heavens! Anyway, when Miracle talked about his journey to Albuquerque Holiday Inn. When the plane crashed, everything was BLOOODY AND EEEEVIL!! AND A PHOTO OF A SLEEPING MOUSE POPPED UP, AND IT HAD RED LINES ON IT TO MAKE IT LOOK DEAD! IT WAS MY MOUSE (as in the animal) LARRY! I was more confused than scared, why my mouse, Larry? Didn't I disown him 2 years ago? I still shed a tear at my poor friend Larry, As I've never seen him after I disowned him... Fly high, buddy...
So after the whole plane fiasco, Miracle "24" Machine went to his own room in the hotel, but suddenly there was a knock on the door? Miracle said his classic catchphrase: "Who is it?" three times before he opened the door himself, instead of the h*rm*phr*d*te, it was still him, but he was all scary and evil!!!! Ooooooo! And He fed Machiney Miracley a big ol' bowla sauerkraut, MM survived though. The fat guy also forgot to steal his snorkel, so Miracl stayed in the hotel for a few more weeks. However, that would be short-lived as the guy whose name I've been saying way too many times in one sentence was kidnapped by the real, un-scary fatso!
Red sweater guy then got put in a dark basement filled with 25 spilled jars of cyanide and antidepressants, the fatty fat, fat-fat tore off his face,"bloood" and aaaall, and he was actually the donut shop guy! "Oh." I said for a microsecond. He asked Not fry for his order and before Al could say a single syllable, the donut shop owner yelled at him and called him stupid! I was eating my leftover turkey from my family's Thanksgiving, where I wasn't invited. So that's why I haven't said any of my thoughts while the video kept on doin' it's stupid thing. After I heard the donut shop JERK yell at my innocent cinnamon roll, I zipped to my PC and lightly smacked it! Nobody dears hurt my husband! MIRACLE IS MINE! Though I'm okay if he's with someone else.
Miracle finally grew his eyes back and roasted the living heck outta that terrible teen and escaped!! Yes!!! Miry was back in action! He rushed towards Zelda, though some weasels started attacking him after he disturbed the weasel's owner's friends' home during his chase to find Zelda. Everything was normal, yadda-yadda-ya, nothing changed. Until the part Fry got a job at the Sizzler! When Marty tried carrying that whole couch by himself, instead of Red Jacket Guy asking to help him, he just immediately cut Marty's limbs off with a chainsaw. I was starting to fall asleep because the pipe in my bathroom filled with sleeping gas split open, not because I was bored! Remember that detail, sir! Miracli did apologize to Marty though, which woke me up 26 seconds after the pipe incident. I realized that my computer was running out of battery, so I downloaded the video on my phone, without my computer turning off suddenly, seriously, that freaks me out, man!
The whole anecdote with the homeless man was skipped, so I have nothing to write here.
During the ending, with all the random stuff that happened, I still couldn't understand even after watching the original animation when I was 3. It showed the end screen, however, was extremely twisted, to the point I almost...died...
The Albino Blacksheep logo had a KNIFE! The text was in the impact font, and it was all disgustingly BLOOODY!! I almost regurgitated that turkey I ate earlier this day! Which I actually did, I tried calling my mom to clean the mess, but I realized that she died in a car crash no too long ago. I shed exactly twenty-seven tears at the realization. The video duplicated itself and removed the original copy, while my background changed to that frame of Miracle looking disappointed while still in the basement. I shrugged it off, because it was just a glitch, duh, big boy aren't scared of dumb ol' glitches!
To this day, I still don't know why that freakin' video, got onto my PC-computer-hybrid. Was it a virus? Trojan? Worm? Rat? Cow? Horse? Sheep? My crazed maternal uncle via e-mail yesterday? I don't know! Maybe I made this! Or it was my friend! Actually, it probably has no origin. Why do I bother trying? I should really listen to my father more, Arnold McMuffins, if you're reading this, *sigh*... I'm... Sorry, dad... 
Oh, well. I guess that what happens when you make parodies about... AAAAA-AAAAA, AAAA-AAAAALBUQUERQUE!
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