Skittles

Skittles are amazingly, amazing rainbow colored pellets that are mainly used for eating, but some red-necks read this and and stopped after pellets so the loaded a bag of skittles into there shotgun, and shot a deer with the skittles several times and then took it home and cooked it up for dinner but they were too lazy to take the skittles out of the deer so they left them in and told ther 13 children to eat around it. But when Jr #7 accidently took a bite of his deer without noticing that there was a skittle in there, his parents loaded there 13 kids into the pick up truck and drove to the hospital. When they got to the hospital they told the doctor that there kid swallowd a bullet. So they took the little boy into surgery and the couldn't find the bullet. So the came out of surgury and the doctor asked the father to show him this bullet. So the father took out the package of skittles out of his pocket and handed it to the doctor. The doctor laughed and said to show him the real bullet. The red-neck father not knowing what the doctor was talking about, he showe him this page. The doctor laughed in his face some more and kicked them all out of the hospital. How do I know all this? I am Jr #7. 
== The Origin of Skittles ==
Controversy surrounds the origin of Skittles although two schools of thought have achieved prominence although vehemently dispute the validity of the other's viewpoint.
Germans believe that Skittles are the droppings of Grogoth, an alien-god creature composed entirely of and possessing the powers of shit. Grogoth blessed his chosen German children with Skittles in the 1870's to congratulate them on their nation building unification. The true definition of Skittles in the Latin Dictionary is "Cordelius Douglious". Germans often serve Skittles with popular German foods such as Shaissenwurst and Poopenveis. Skittles were also believed to be related to M'n'M's and are believed to be their gay cousins.
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The alternative viewpoint suggests that Skittles are a fruit flavoured sugary snack made by a major confectionery conglomerate. However very little proof is available to validate this.
Another viewpoint is that Chuck Norris made skittles out of his toe-jam, and that they can be found near the bodies of those he has roundhouse kicked.
Recent evidence published in the "Journal of Science Nobody Gives a Damn About" suggests that Skittles were actually created in the year 9,999,999,998 BC when Superman had sex with the Universe's first vending machine.
===The Cover Up===
In 1834 a scientist by the name of Lucas Todseloff Claimed that throughout his research in the Rainbow Energetics branch he discovered that a human being could potentially reach a Rainbow by achieving twice the speed of light
2c = Rainbow Colorness coefficient
e = mc^2
so therefore.....2c = (em)^(1/2) and hence.... c = [(em)^(1/2)]/2
Todseloff's work was shunned by many great scientists of the era including Michael Faraday who concluded that "Rainbows look ugly."
Years after Todseloff's death, Albert Einstein picked up where he had left and derived his famous equation e = mc^2 off Todseloff's Rainbow Colorness coefficient. Einstein gained ground on the subject but his research came to a halt when he got caught up by a mushroom hallucinogen addiction, claiming that he would help create "the biggest shroom humanity had ever seen." A few years later the nuclear bomb was detonated on Hiroshima.hellos
Soon after Einstein dropped his research on Rainbows, Wm. Wrigley Jr. Company decided to take advantage of what had been so far discovered. After several prototypes, Wm. Wrigley Jr. Company created an unmanned box-sized shuttle. The Company hoped to entrap some of the Rainbow's Energy in the shuttle and seal it tight.
Wm. Wrigley Jr. Company hoped to achieve a new source of renewable energy to end a foreseen energy crisis that would occur in the mid 2000s.
After years of attempts they gathered a press conference in 1945 and claimed that they had successfully recovered some of the rainbow energy and that experiments were being conducted in order to find out how to transform Rainbow energy into electric energy.
On April 21st 1957 a blue collar worker in the company decided to play an April fools joke on one of his coworkers by chewing up a taffy and then re-wrapping it and offering it to his coworker. He accidentally wrapped the taffy with an molecularly engineered microfiber charged with electrons from the rainbow energy. The coworker was delighted by the taste of the taffy and by its unique appearance of the taffy, featuring a multicolored rainbow like exterior.
After finding out about this incident, and seeing the profitability in the taffy, the Wm. Wrigley Jr. Company dropped all plans for renewable energy and began producing candy. They separated different wavelengths in the rainbow to produce taffy-like candy which would become what we know today as Skittles.
== Currency ==
In many countries such as Germany, Alaska, Bulgaria, and America, Skittles are used as the main form of currency. The lack of paper during the Black Plague lead to the usage of skittles as currency. However, due to shortages of Skittles in the recent years because of global warming and the murder of Jayce, South India has been forced to change their currency back to the Aborted Seal Pup. The problem with this was that the north indians could not eat the currency if they got hungry, so it was changed back in more than a year. 
===Value===
The varying flavors of each skittles determine their value. The basic guideline is as follows:
 Red > Purple > Green > Orange > Yellow
The Alaskans and Bulgarians have a very simple method for deterining the value, which follows.
Red = $500
The Germans have a much more complicated method. Moving into more detail, below is the formula for the exact value of each skittle:
Green= Orange^2+(Orange-Yellow)
Orange=h√(Yellow+20)
Yellow \ne Yellow^2
:(from this, it can be inferred that the currency of a yellow skittles is not 1)
Note: "h" is the Skittle's constant which is equal to about 12.6537
So so define a red skittle as a Yellow, where Y=Yellow
Red=((h√(Y+20)^2+(h√Y+20-Y)^2+(√(h√Y+20^2+((h√y+20)-Y))^3)+12
Longwinded as it may seem, this is simple to those who frequently use it. This currency follows the base (15-h12^8) series and unlike our base 10, is a bit more confusing. 
Skittle value compared to currency
1 USD(United Steak Doll-Hair) - 8 Blue Skitles (Tropical Flavours Only)
1 Euro(France,Spain,etc...)- 3 Green Skittles
1 Sickle(Hogwarts)- 7 Orange Skittles
== Electrical circuits ==
Renowned for their resistivity, Skittles offer many advantages when it comes to electrical circuitry. The most famous of which is the NSC (Negative sugar coefficient) comdigiter. This electrical component allows a frequency change of incoming signals at an average rate of 4 Skitz/second, therefore the longer the comdigiter, the higher the change. As this has a NSC, the more sour the skittle, the greater change occurs. Sour reds having the most "sour-ness" can adapt a 10 Skitz/second change. While sour yellows, being of lesser "sour-ness" can only emmit a 1/2 Skitz/second change.
== Weapons ==
Perhaps the most innovative of their uses, Skittles can also function as chemical weapons. This use was discovered when everyone realized that the "sour powder" on the new Sour Skittles was not actually sour flavoured powder, but anthrax. It is the most highly-concentrated weaponized form of "sour" known to man or Klingon. Since then Sour Skittles have become the most used chemical weapons worldwide, even to the point where there have been rumours of North Korea starting a $216 billion Sour Skittle Bomb Development Program. What do you think North Korea is going to do with all those sour anthrax filled surgar-y goodness?
bomb sour anthrax to all the skinny people in the world so they get fat like everyone else so then the north koreans will be really thin and like do stuff.
Also it has been clarified that the sourness of the skittles has cause some people's faces to explode because the sourness causes their lips to pucker which stretches their face which eventually causes it to blow up. This causes blood and tiny bits of brain to churgle out at quick speeds and also for the brain stem to slither out by itslef. It then turns into ALIEN and the crew of the enterprise has to erradicate it out of the ship. Poor Luke Picard, he was the first to go along with data who jerked off too much.
There is also touching something and turning it into skittles. Michael Jackson had this power and touched himself.
== Effects ==
When used in the psychedelic sense, the duration of Skittles' effects are known as a "trip". These so-called "falls" depend greatly on the age, sexual orientation, and degree of acne on the user's face.
Skittles usually produce bizarre rifts in the time-space continuum. Some common examples include erectile dysfunction, coupled with a desire to play World of Warcraft, and the melting of walls. Many reports also state that Skittles can indeed let you taste the rainbow.
Skittles have also been proven to cure the thought-to-be uncurable disease Haventeatenaniskittlitis.
It has been said by many of the mountain dwelling hobbit folk, that starbursta, when used in the correct manner, can turn any sheep into Tony Blair.
When consuming large amounts of Skittles it is recommended that you drink Sprite to help digest. Please contact your physician before eating Skittles.