nyuuzyou/wikis huggingface dataset:
THE PATRIXXXY PART 3: THE WAR

Odysseus' men were armed and prepared, while EVIL PATRIXXX's army wasn't. "I'M GIVING YOU ONE LAST CHANCE TO SURRENDER, FOUL BEAST!" Odysseus screams. "Just start the war" EVIL PATRIXXX said. Odysseus' men screamed as they lunged at EVIL PATRIXXX's army. And then, EVIL PATRIXXX killed them all using GOAR FEST. The world shakes. "THE WORLD IS SHAKING! IS IT THAT DUMBASS MOON?" BEN says. "No. It's Satan" The Balloonatic says. Satan arrises as he's about 6 SUPAH SIEZED FEET TALL!!! "EVIL PATRIXXX!!!" he screamed, "YOU HAVE ABUSED YOUR POWERS!!! YOUR DEADLY POWERS SHALL NOW BE SENTENCED TO HELL!!!" "How 'bout no?" EVIL PATRIXXX said. "THEN YOU AND I SHALL FIGHT TO THE DEATH WITH YOUR ASSEMBLY OF MERE MORTALS!!" he declaires. Everybody looks shocked and stunned. "I'm out" Jeff the Killer says. "Me too" The Balloonatic said. "I shouldn't be doing this" BEN said. "Woof, woof*!" Smile Dog says. "I may have killed VinmanPasta (which I enjoyed), but fighting Satan is too far" WormJeff says. EVIL PATRIXXX was then feeling alone. "Hey. You still have us" LOLSKELETONS said. "We'll help you. It has been quite a while" Furbearingbrick agrees. "Alright. LET'S DO THIS!" EVIL PATRIXXX said with excitement. The trio unleashed the perfect move: THE SPAM! So, they used Orangeknightguy's power to spam and cause Satan to have butthurt. "HDHFHAMAJQHGAHXHDNENVDVDUFUCKIGSTOOPIDNOOBJFIEJWHQHAMBDIFUCKEDYOURMOMINTHEVAGINASOHARDANDILLDOITAGAIN" they screamed. Satan's skeleton popped out and he finally died. EVIL PATRIXXX, LOLSKELETONS, and Furbearingbrick were exhausted from battle. "Well, we did it. Let's go home" EVIL PATRIXXX concluded. The trio got famous, but now, LOLSKELETONS made it to a game called Façade as the POV, Furbearingbrick became a movie star, starred in Spider-Man 4, and EVIL PATRIXXX plans to WURLD EAT soon.
The end.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Unnecessary Sequels
Category:And then a skeleton popped out
Category:Loads of Characters
Category:Shortpasta
Category:Inside Jokes
THE PRICE IS RIGHT LOST EPISODE

Hi my name is david, you might have heard of me from that price is right episode where i was come on downed but got the rong price. i thought i wouldnt get anything but on my way out drew carry took me backstage and said i got a consolation prize. he gave me a vhs tape that had PRICE IS RIGHT scribbled on it. i asked him what it was but he was like dont watch it or you will be plinkoed in your sleep. i thought he was jokin so i took it home and popped it into my vhs
first all that showed up was static so i thought oh well its ok cause i got to talk to drew carry backstage even if it doesnt work. but then a title card appeared which had THE PRICE IS RIGHT. it looked the same as always except that the wheel had 666 on it instead of 100. i got really scared so i took a piss and came back
when the show started drew carry said welcome to the price is YOUR LIFE! (he shouted your life which is why i put it in caps) he was wearing sunglasses but he had bright red eyes that were shining thru them. then he said muhahahaha who is my next victim
then the announcer guy said COME ON DOWN BITCH and the camera panned to the audience and they were all bleeding hyperrealistic blood. they had black holes for eyes and were drooling blood. a lady stepped out of the audience and was walking down the isle like a zombie. she said no please dont! and drew said your already dead! which was true because her nametag said 'imdead'
he led the lady to the wheel and told her spin or i will eat you alive! she spun the wheel and it landed on 666. drew said OOH, MY FAVORITE! and two models popped out behind the curtain except they were skeletons and they eated her brain. i got so scared i threw up all over my tv and broke it.
that night i dreamed that i was falling down a hill and hitting a bunch of trees but i was actually in a giant plinko machine! and then i woke up and it was real life and now i am dead and writing this from the grave!
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Im died
Category:Lost Episodes
Category:Cliche Madness
Category:And then a skeleton popped out
Category:English Class Failure
Category:Shortpasta
THE RETURN OF THE SOOSIDE MAUS

GUYS BELIEV ME MY FRIEND SENT ME AVIDEO OF SOOSICIDE MAUSE AND HE S BACK CUS IT WAS DINERERNET OT THE ONE I SAW LAST WEEK AND SHIT SO PLZ CHECK IT OUT THE LINK IS AT ONION NET WHICH IS QUITE A NICE PLACE IF YOU'RE ENGLISH BUT IF YOU ARE NOT ENGLISH THE SITE WILL BE OBSOLETE FOR YOU, THEREFORE BRINGING SKELETONS TO YOUR FACE CAUSINF YOUR DEMIS OF THE OSOSID MOUS PLZ WATCH IT I MEAN REALLY I HAD AF RIEND WHO DIED BUT I HAE NO FRIEDNS SO HE DIDNT DIE ANYWAY BECAUSE I ATE RAMEN WHILE WATCHING IT THE SCARY NOISES MADE ME CRY AND I WAS LIKE SHIT SON THEN I SAT DOWN TOO FAST AND I COULD SEE STARTS BECAUSE I DIED THEN A JAPANESE PERSON DIED BECAUSE HE WAS CHINESE AND IT TURNS OUT IN ACTUAL FACT IT WAS HOMER SIMPSON IN DISGUISE AS A CAT AS OF WHOM WAS ACTUALLY A CAR. AS A RESULT OF WHICH I WAS UNABLE TO ASK MY DOG WHAT FLAVOUR HIS FOOD WAS BEACUSE IT WAS QUITE NASTY FLAVOURED IF I REMEMBER CORRECTLY TO HIS CLAIMS THAT HE GAVE ME BEFORE CHRISTMAS BECASUE BEFORE HAND I ACTUALYL SAW HIM MASTURBATING IN HIS ROOM AND HE WAS WITH A GIRL SO I DONT KNOW WHY HE REFUSED TO ACTUALLY DO TI WITH HER BUT SRSLY PLZ WATCH MY DILDO GO UP N DOWN CUS IT WAS QUITE COOL HOW THE PHYSICS AND ITS LIKE JIGGLEBONES ON SAUCE EXCEPT THIS AINT SAUCE DIS REL LIFE
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Deletion Log Refugees
Category:ALL CAPS
Category:English Class Failure
Category:Well, that was pointless.
Category:The Title Is A Lie
Category:Wall of Text
Category:Old Shit
Category:Shortpasta
THE REVENGE OF EVIL PATRIXXX!

It had been several hours of no sleep-- just watching crap on the TV.
I couldn't recall what I was watching on Nickelodeon, but I did remember at once when the show was interupted by SpongeBob. 
There was no intro- no title card, it just ubruptly cut to the episode. It started with SpongeBob and Patrick just sitting there and staring at each other.
SpongeBob then smiled evilly.
"Patrick- Ive never noticed how fat you are!" He said.
"What?" Patrick asked, his eyes filled with tears.
"I SAID YOU'RE FAT!" SpongeBob repeated, in an angry tone.
"SpongeBob!? How could you say that!?" 
"Because I hate you!"
"Wha-"
"I SAID I HATE YOU YOU BIG FAT PIG!"
Patrick's eyes welled up with tears and he ran away, crying. 
"Crybaby..." smirked SpongeBob.
Then there is static for 6 minutes.
The camera cuts to SpongeBob breaking a picture of him and Patrick before there is a knock at the door.
"Coming!" chimes the yellow sponge.
He opens the door to reveal it's Patrick, and he has a butcher knife.
"MUST KILL SPONGE!" Patrick screams. 
The camera cuts to Patrick butchering SpongeBob alive, before Patrick turns to the screen.
He stared there, at me, before he said:
"YOU'RE NEXT, JIMMY!" 
Wait- how did he know MY name?
Patrick's hand then reached out of the TV, and all I had time to scream before he pulled me into the TV was:
"Oh God, cartoons are real!"
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Lost Episodes
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:EVIL PATRIXXX
Category:Im died
Category:WHAT A TWIST!
Category:YOU'RE NEXT
Category:Shortpasta
THE SCARIEST GAME EVER

OKAY ONE DAY I STARTED TO PLAY THIS ONE GAME CALLED THE GAME THAT POOPS ON PEOPLE AND THEN THE GAME STARTED AND THEN THIS PERSON PULLED ME IN THE TV AND POOPED ON ME FOR 2 HOURS AND THEN RAY CHARLES STARTED TO LICK MY EYEBROWS UNTIL THEY WERE DRIPPING WET
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Deletion Log Refugees
Category:ALL CAPS
Category:Vidya games
Category:Potty Humor
Category:English Class Failure
Category:Old Shit
Category:Shortpasta
THE SCARY FLASH DRIVE

OK ONE TIME I WAS EATING CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP BECAUSE CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP IS THE SHIT, WHEN OUT OF NOWHERE, A FLASHDRIVE FELL IN MY SOUP AND I CRIED BECAUSE IT WAS SCARY. I WENT UP STAIRS AND I LOGGED ON AND THERE WAS ONLY ONE THING ON THE COMPUTER CALLED EVILSATAN.PNG.JPG.WMV.MP3.EXE.COM. I CLICKED IT AND VIDEOS OF MURDERS AND DEATHS AND HOW THEY MAKE FOOD IN MCDONALDS AND I WAS SO SCARED BUT THEN I REMEMBERED THAT I DIDN'T PUT THE FLASHDRIVE IN AND THIS WAS JUST MY STUFF. I PUT IT IN AND THERE WAS THIS VIDEO AND IT WAS ALL STATIC BUT I AM A HACKER SO PUT IT IN MSPAINT AND THAT FIXED IT. THE VIDEO WAS OF A CARDIO WORKOUT AND IT WAS SCARY BECAUSE THE MAN WAS YELLING! HE SAID STUFF LIKE "PUMP YOUR LEGS!" AND "WE'RE GONNA DO JUMPING JACKS FOR 15 SECONDS" AND HE ONLY GAVE 5 SECOND WATER BREAKS. I CALLED THE COPS AND THEY COULDN'T FIND HIM BUT EVERY NIGHT WHEN I'M IN BED I SEE HIM IN MY ROOM AND HE JUST DOES CARDIO WORKOUTS ON MY BED AND SOMETIMES HE STEPS ON MY LEG AND IT HURTS.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:ALL CAPS
Category:Wall of Text
Category:COMPUTERS AND INTERWEBZ
Category:Old Shit
Category:Shortpasta
THE SCARY MONSTER

THIS IS SO SCARY I KNOW YOU WON'T BELIEVE ME BUT IT'S TRUUUUUUUUUUUE.
OK SO THERE WAS A GUY NAMED HAROLD. HAROLD WAS TAKING A SHOWER WHEN HE HEARD A NOISE COMING FROM THE HALLWAY. HE SAID OH NOOOOOO BECAUSE HE LIVES ALONE. SO HE WAS SCARED SO HE WENT OUTSIDE NAKED WITH HIS PENIS HANGING OUT YUM.
ANYWAY HE WENT INTO THE HALLWAY AND HAROLD SAW IT!!!!!!!!!!! IT WAS A SCARY MONSTER. IT HAD LONG HAIR AND PALE SKIN AND HE HAD NO FINGERS AND ALSO HIS RIBCAGE HAD NO SKIN SO YOU COULD SEE IT. IT WAS SO SCARY YOU HAVE KNOW IDEA HE NEARLY HAD A HEART ATTACK.
THE MONSTER SAID OH NO YOURE SUPPOSED TO BE IN THE SHOWER. NOW THAT YOUVE SEEN ME I HAVE TO KILL YOU. AND THEN THE MONSTER ATTACKED HAROLD BUT HAROLD USED HIS NINJA POWERS AND KILLED THE MONSTER. HE WAS NAKED THE WHOLE TIME YUM.
THE SCARY PART IS THAT THE MONSTER WAS YOU :OOOOO
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Deletion Log Refugees
Category:ALL CAPS
Category:WHAT A TWIST!
Category:Beings
Category:TRUE STORY
Category:Old Shit
Category:Shortpasta
THE SHADOW THING

In Scary Town, Colorado there lies an unspeakable horror only known as the "SHADOW THING". I'm telling you about the shadow thing because I keep seeing it out of the corner of my eye after my trip to Colorado. It is completely indescribable, but I need to tell you my story before it gets me. I was with my friends Murr and Derr (their nicknames) driving to Colorado to go to an amusement park called scary town. When we finally got there it was completely vacant, but we felt an ominous presence. I said "we should go back" but my friends were on the ground bleeding, It was the work of the shadow thing. I ran to the car and drove away. now the shadow thing is stalking me and I'm about to die.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Well, that was pointless.
Category:Wall of Text
Category:Im died
Category:Shortpasta
THE SIMPSONS LOST EPISODE:HOMER DIES

1 DAY I WAS SEARCHING EPISODES OF THE SIMPSONSON THE WEB THEN I FOUND 1 I HAD TO DOWNLOAD IT SO I DID THE FILE WAS NAMED scurry shit.avi I DINT CARE AND DOWNLOADED IT THE FILE OPENED AND IT STARTED WITH THE NORMAL INTRO THE EPISODES BEGIN WITH MARGE KILLING HOMER WITH A CHAINSAW THEN HOMER LOOKED HYPER REALISTIC ALSO THERE WAS HYPEREALISTIC BLOOD EVERYWHERE I WAS VERY SCARED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND THENA SKELETON POPPED OUT OF MY MOUTH THEN I DIED
Category:ALL CAPS
Category:Lost Episodes
Category:Cliche Madness
Category:And then a skeleton popped out
Category:Im died
Category:WHAT A TWIST!
Category:Old Shit
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Shortpasta
THE SINK OF DEATH

ONE TIME I WENT TO A BATHROOM IT WAS A BATHROOM MUCH LIKE OTHER BATHROOMS SO IN THIS BATHROOM I DECIDED HEY INSTEAD OF TOILET I PEE IN SINK TODAY BECAUSE IM WILD AND CRAZY GUY SO I PEE IN SINK AND THIS GUY WALKS IN AND HES LIKE HEY MAN WHY YOU PEE IN SINK SO IM LIKE HEY MAN MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS MY PEE IN SINK IN NONE YOUR CONCERN SO HES LIKE BUTT THAT SINKS BEN DEAD FOR FIFTY YEARS AND ALSO I DONT HAVE A CLOWN STATUE AND I SAID K WELL FUCK ALL THAT LETS PLAY PARCHEESI SO WE DECIDED TO PAY PARCHEESI SO WE TOOK OF PANTS BUT INSTEAD OF PEENIS HE HAD A CLOWN STATUE SO BASICALLY HE LIED IT WAS VERY SPOOK
Category:Trollpasta
Category:ALL CAPS
Category:Shortpasta
Category:English Class Failure
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep
THE SPOOKY TRAIN

OK SO I WAS WATCHING THE SPOOKY TV DURING A SPOOKY NIGHT ON A SPOOKY CHAIR EATING A SPOOKY SANDWICH. THEN SOME SPOOKY PERSON TURNED OFF THE SPOOKY TV AND SAID "DUDE STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING AND GO TO YOUR SPOOKY BED OR THE SPOOKY SKELETON MAN WILL GET YOU!!" I WAS ALL LIKE "HE DOESN'T EXIST" AND KEPT WATCHIN THE SPOOKY TV!! NOW THINGS ARE GETTING REALLY SPOOKY. SPOOKY SKELETON MAN WAS ON THE SPOOKY TV! OH FUCK. THE SPOOKY SKELETON MAN WALKED OUT OF THE TV AND SAID "I'LL GET YOU, MUAHAHA!" SO THEN I RAN! OUTSIDE THE SPOOKY HOUSE AND I THOUGHT I WAS SAFE, BUT THEN I TURNED AROUND AND SPOOKY SKELETON MAN WAS REALLY SANIC AND HE CHASED ME EVEN MORE! I SAW A SPOOKY TRAIN AND STOLE IT FROM THE TERMINATOR FUCKING A DEMONIC HELL FROM HELL! AFTER SOME TIME I WAS OVER A SPOOKY BRIDGE. WHAT WAS THE SPOOKY BRIDGE OVER? MOBS OF SPOOKY SKELEONS TRYING TO GET ME! I LOOK AROUND AND SPOOKY SKELETON MAN WAS EVERYWHERE TRYIN TO GET ME! FROM THE LEFT, FROM THE RIGHT, EVEN ABOVE ME! WHAT DO I DO? PLEASE HELP!
UPDATE 1: THERE WERE ALIENS FLYING NEXT TO THE TRAIN WHO SAID "AYY LMAO" OR SOMETHING. I KNEW THEY WERE TRYING TO SAVE ME SO I BECAME SUPERMAN AND FLEW ONTO THEIR SHIP. BUT WAIT, SOMETHING WASN'T RIGHT! THEY WERE SPOOKY SKELETONS AS WELL! THEY WERE ALL EQUIPED WITH SWORDS MADE OUT OF THE GHOSTS OF DEMONIC MISSED CALLS FROM MOMS AROUND THE WORLD!! OH NOOOOO!!!
UPDATE 2: THE ALIENS WERE ALL LIKE "OH WAIT WE'RE SUPPOSED TO SPOOK SHREK NOT THIS DUDE WHO WAS ABOUT TO BECOME DEAD. LET'S DROP HIM INTO THE SPOOKY SWAMP OF ONIONS!" SO THEN I WAS IN A SPOOKY SWAMP FOR SOME REASON. I HEARD A SPOOKY NOISE, BUT IT WAS TOO DISTORTED! THEN A DEAD WOMAN SAID "MOMMY GONNA GET MORE GROCERIES, STAY IN LINE!" BUT I WASN'T IN A LINE AND SHE WASN'T MY MOM! I HEARD THE SPOOKY SHOUT FROM BEFORE, BUT IT WAS LOUDER! SUDDENLY A SPOOKY SKELETON FROM BEFORE WAS LOOKING AROUND! WAS HE GOOD OR BAD? I HAVE NO IDEA BUT IT'S SPOOKY! I HEARD THE SPOOKY SHOUT AGAIN, AND HORDE OF DEATHLY DEATH OF DEATH APPEARED! I PICKED AN ONION AND THEN SHREK TRIED TO KILL ME!
UPDATE 3: WHEN SHREK TRIED TO KILL ME I TOLD HIM TO FUCK OFF AND IT WORKED. THEN I WENT HOME AND WATCHED TV.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:ALL CAPS
Category:Skeletons
Category:Shrek
Category:Well, that was pointless.
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep
THE TALE OF SCHMOIKEY WOIKEY

SO ONE DAY I WOKE UP AND WATCHED SOME SPENGBAB SQODARDS SUCIDE (IT MY FAFORITE EPISOPE) AN I GOT KBOCK ON DA DORE
I OPEN AND ITS DUKE NUKEM BUT HE HAS HYPER REALISTIC EYEZZZ.
HE GAVE ME TAPE AND SAHUZ DIS 2 ME "SCHMOIKEY WOIKEY IS GON ANAL PROBE U"
"WAT" I REPLYEDEDEDED
I GETS ME OL VCR AND VLADIMIR PUTIN TAPE.
THE TITAL CARC SAY "THE TALE OF SCHMOIKEY WOIKEY"
IT START WITH MON WHOMST LOOOK LIEK MICHEAL JAKSOON
"HEE HEE" HE SHOOT OOT LOOD
THEN SKELETON POPED OUT AND GAVE MICHEAL LETHAL DRUG DOSEZ
HE DEN DIED
SUDNLY HE CAEM BACK WITH HYPER BLOODY REALISTIC EYEZ AND SED "STROKE MY LONG MEATY SHAMONE"
I HADS HART ATTAK AND VOMIT BLUD.
ECEPT BLUD WAS BLOO
I SAD "WAUT IZ DISS"
I WANT TO DOCTUR AND HE SAD I HAD SUMDIN CALL "SCHMOIKEY DISEASE" AND THAT I MUZT BE YOOTHANEYEZED
MICHEAL APPAER AND SAE "NO, I MUZT ANAL PROPE UR AZZ"
DEN IT WAZ AL SO CLAER
MICHEAL IS SCHMOIKEY WOIKEY
HE KILLD MEH
I AM RITING THIS AZ A GOEST. IF SUMON GIV TAPE THAS SAY SCHMOIKEY WOIKEY DUNT VYOO EET. DEESTROIE ET.
DANK U
- DOLAN TURNIP
Category:Trollpasta
Category:ENGLISH, MUDDAFUGGA! DO YOU SPEAK IT?!
Category:Hyper-realistic
Category:Ghoooosts
Category:ALL CAPS
Category:Im died
Category:NSFW
Category:Shortpasta
THE TERRIBLE SECRET OF 9/ELEVEN (May be offensive to morons who think America is the only country that matters)

HOLY KRAP U GUYZ, I FOUND DIS FLASHDRIV ON THE GROUND AND IM A CURIOUS DUDE SO I PICKEDZ IT UP ND STUCK IT IN MAH COMPUTOR ND THAR WUZ A ALIEN SPACSHIP ND IT SHOOT SPAC LAZERS AT A PLAN WICH CWASHED ND ASPLODEDZ AL OVAH A TOWER! BUT IT WUZNT JUST A TOWAR, ET WUZ A TOWAR LOBSTA
Category:Trollpasta
Category:TRUE STORY
Category:ALL CAPS
Category:Look at me! I'm SO EDGY!
Category:Well, that was pointless.
Category:English Class Failure
Category:LONG ASS TITLE
Category:Old Shit
Category:Shortpasta
THE TOTELLY REEL AND SCARRY LOS EPISODE OF BIG BANG THEORY!!!

ONE NITE, I WAS SURFING THE TV BORD AND CAME UPOM BIG BANG THEORY, I HAD NEVER CARED FOR IT, BUT I WAS BORD AND DECIDED TO WACHTH IT ANYWAY, IT BEGUN WITH SHELDOR BEING REELECTED AS PRESIDENT OF ZIMBABWE FOR HIS 69TH TERM, HE ENTERED INO THE APPARTENT AND LOCKED AT HOWERD AND PULLED OUT A NIFF AND CHOPPED OFF HIS HEAD AND HYPERREALISTIC BLOOD SLAPPTERED OVER THE SCREEN, THEN LEONARD WACKED IN AND ATTWMPT TO FIGHT THE SHELDOR WITH ABASEBASEALL BAT BUT THE SHELDOR KILLED HIM ASWEKK AND MOOR HYPERREALISTIC BLOOD, I WAS TERRIFIED SINS GRATIOUS GORE IS TOTALLY SCARRY, I HID UNDER THE COACH AND WACHTED FROM THEER AND TEN RAJ WACKED INTO THE ROOM (IN THE SHOW) AND SAW THAT SHELDORR WAS HODLING A KNIFF AND PULLED OUT AN AK-47 AND SAID "LOOK WHO BOUGHT A KNIFF TO A GUN FIGHT!" AND SHOTE SHELDOR UNTIL HE HAD MORE HOLES THAN THE MOON AND SWISS CHEESE AND THEN PENNY WALKED IN SAND LOKED AT ALL THE GORE AND THEN PULLED OUT A GRENADE AND PULLED HE PIN OUT BEFORE RAJ COULD MURDER HER AND THE APARTMET EXPLODED AND THEN I HEARD KNOCKING AT THE DOOR AND OPENE IT, BUT THERE WAS NOONE THEER, I CLOSED AND LOCKED THE DOOR, WHEN I HERD THE PHONE RING, I PICED UP IT, BUT JUST THEN I HEARD A KNIFF UNSHEATHE BEHIND ME, WHEN I HERD A MAN SAY "BAZINGA" I GRABED A BATTLE AXE AND THEN I SPUN ARUND AND DEKAPIATED THE SHELDOR AND HE DIED.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:ALL CAPS
Category:Lost Episodes
Category:English Class Failure
Category:Wall of Text
Category:Originally on r/shittynosleep
Category:Shortpasta
Category:LONG ASS TITLE
Category:Hyper-realistic
Category:Stuff Blowing Up
THE TRUMPET PLAYER

At dawn, back in 1949, in the countryside of Mississippi, a little boy was asleep in a bed, in a bedroom, downstairs, in a farmhouse. He awoke in the sunlight shining through his bedroom-window and suddenly heard the sound of a trumpet being played, somewhere outside. He ran outside in the large field in the sunlight, to the place where he heard the trumpet being played at.
The sound of the trumpet stopped and a grave robber came rushing to the grave. The boy got scared and hid behind the tombstone, crouching down. The grave robber dug a hole into the grave with a shovel, until he reached the coffin.
He pried open the coffin-lid with a crowbar and found a skeleton, in a brown suit and black tie, with green, rotted-flesh on its skull. The grave robber found a golden trumpet in the corpses boney-hand and jerked the instrument out of its skeletal-clutches. He hopped up, out of the grave-hole, but the corpses boney-hand reached up, out of the hole and gripped his neck. The zombie climbed out of its grave and the grave robber was spun quickly around by it. He saw the zombie and screamed out loud. The boy looked and saw it, as his eyes widened. "I WANT MY TRUMPET!!!!!" the corpse proclaimed in a distorted-voice, shouting at the screaming grave robber. The skeleton yanked its gold trumpet away from the grave robber and blew it. Green slime spewed out of the instrument, splattering the grave robber right in the face, burning his face and killing him. The zombie sat playing, "Oh When The Saints Go Marching In" on his golden trumpet. He stopped playing, put his trumpet down and turned his skull grinning at the little boy with an eerie, grinning-face. The boy screamed and ran all the way back into his farmhouse. The trumpet player began playing, "Oh When The Saints Go Marching In" on his trumpet again in the sunlight.
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Skeletons
Category:Music
Category:WHAT A TWIST!
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:Shortpasta
THE TRUTH OF THE INTERNET

So one time I was sitting on the toilet when all of a sudden I had a toilet epiphany. I looked into the mirror and saw something. I saw the truth. I looked deep into the mirror as I got lost in thought. I realized what the internet really is.
The internet is like an uncircumcised dong.
Now before you leave and say "OMG WTF GROSS", hear me out. You see, an uncircumcised dong has two parts. The foreskin and the parts under it. The foreskin is like the internet we see everyday. Foreskin is gross to people who don't have it/use it very often. So is the internet. The internet can be gross if you look at all of it, but looks normal if you look at a certain region. The foreskin and the internet also give people pleasure. Having foreskin can be great, but you might get picked on for using it. LIKE THE INTERNET. As said earlier, the internet gives pleasure and so does the foreskin. This can also be used in refrence that the internet is full of porn. 
Now here comes the gross part. The deep web or the underbelly of the internet is the smegma. It's the mixture of everything unholy in one place. Guns, sex, drugs, slaves, all dat shit. And what is smegma? A mixture of seamen, piss, and other gross things that builds up under the foreskin. People might now even know smegma/the deep web exists until someone tells them about it or they find it by themselves in disgust. When the penis ejaculates it's pretty gross and nobody would want their mom seeing it. Just like /b/. 
Now that we got past the gross part here's the big picture. The internet is an uncircumcised dong. Get over it. But as I was looking in the mirror I realized more. Now, what do people usually do to uncircumcised penises? They cut the foreskin off. Now who else is trying to make sure the internet looks nice, clean, and devoid of all pleasure like a circumcised dong? The government. The government wants to rip off the foreskin of the internet and wash away the dirty smegma. I kept looking in the mirror in horror as I realized this.
This discovery may be the greatest one in existence, so I'm going to publish it on a parody site of the creepypasta genre. As I type this, I can hear the government's dong brigades coming to snip my pecker. They won't stop until the internet gets snipped. TAKE AWAY THEIR SCISSORS. DON'T LET THE GOVERNMENT CIRCUMCISE YOU TOO! STOP THIS MADNESS. BEWARE OBAMA. HE WANTS TO SNIP YOUR DONG!
Category:Trollpasta
Category:THERY
Category:WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT
THE UGLYEST MONSTER

ONE TIME THERE WERE ALL OF THESE BAD LADYS AROUND WHO WOULD GO BE DIRTY ALL THE TIME. THEN ONE DAY THIS AWESOME DUDE CAME UP TO THEM AND TOLD THEM TO MARRY HIM. HE WAS SO AWESOME WITH HIS RAD SPECS AND DINOSAURS SKATEBOARD THAT THEY ALL MARRIED HIM. BUT THEN HE GOT HIS RAD SPECS KNOCKED OFF AND THEY FOUND OUT HE WAS THE UGLIEST MONSTER EVER. MORE UGLIER THAN AN OLD BROWN SHOE WITH ROTTEN THROWUP ALL OVER IT AND PART OF A FROG INSIDE. ALL OF THE LADYS HAD TO LIVE WITH HIM IN A GROSS HOUSE AND THEY HAD UGLY BABYS FOREVER.
Category:Ghastly Macaroni
Category:Shortpasta