Banned from the Internet

*Top Posting Due to several cases where people have gone blind from reading things out of logical order, top posting is prohibited on all Internet newsgroups and mailing lists.
As agreed on by the Masters of the Internet, there are several different ways to get permanently banned from the Internet.
The list is not strictly followed, and people are commonly banned just because the Masters of the Internet feel like it.
Getting banned from the Internet means getting your IP address removed, and your modem, computer, and any storage media that you have confiscated without trial. You will also lose your driver's license permanently, go to jail (directly to jail; no passing go, no collecting $200), be forced to have a philosophical conversation with Neil Young, be slapped in the face with a Hello Kitty Vibrator, and cast into the outernet. Furthermore, you will be briefly sentenced to the 5th Layer of Hell, but only the part where goblins poke out your guts with spoons lubricated with mayonnaise.
==How to get banned==
*Claiming the top I GOT THE TOP POST!! DON'T POST ABOVE ME! Demanding that your post always goes on top. If you do this, you're a selfish bastard who's got no life.
*Ridicule Going around everywhere shouting at people they are loosers or have no life. This always will be taken as an insult and people will ban you for it. If you say this, nobody will ridiculate you. Not even me.
*Illegal Activity This includes pyramid scams, lottery scams, selling illegal things, using drugs, etc. It is especially illegal to read Uncyclopedia articles or even worse, to write or edit them.
*Warez Handling/Sharing A mass-spread infection across hundreds of IRC networks and membership-required websites, Warez is widely considered the marijuana or crack cocaine of the internet. Once a user grabs hold of anything possibly illegal, be it songs or Microsoft XP Pro, their conscience is reprogrammed to steak from honest, hard-working Microsoft. Steal even.
*Swearing The most common offence leading to banning. Anyone caught swearing on the Internet will be immediately banned without a single mother fucking goddamn warning.
*Piracy Everyone on the Internet pays for their music, or else they wouldn't be on the Internet anymore. (see Warez Handling/Sharing)... or you could just be a literal cyber sea pirate... arrrggghhh mateys! However, many environmentalists protest this rule because it contributes to global warming.
*Pornography Yes. Sorry.
*Fibbing The Internet has very high standards for reliable information. Anyone caught posting information that is untrue will be banned, have their skin eaten and the information will be removed.
*Wiki Vandalism Unlike shoplifting, wiki vandalism hurts everyone and is punishable by death. UR MOM IS GHEY LOL
*Impersonation of Cecil "As co-founder of the sub-terranean internetchamber system, the impersonation of Cecil is an offence punishable only by Banning. Or in some cases Death." ~Cecil.
*Refusing to Forward Chain Mail The integrity of the systems that forward email around the world depend upon everyone diligently forwarding every interesting email to at least their twelve closest friends. Note failure to send such mails can also result in bad luck, deteriorating health and the deaths of small children. Like this one guy, he didn't forward one, and he woke up at the bottom of a well where he was killed. True story.
*Forwarding Chain Mail According to the IETF, "Never send chain letters via electronic mail. Chain letters are forbidden on the Internet. Your network privileges will be revoked. Notify your local system administrator if your ever receive one." (Like, seriously. They actually said that.)
*Presenting False Personal Information Everyone on the Internet is careful to ensure that their behaviour and statements are a true reflection of their real-world self. On the Internet, everyone knows you're a fat middle-aged man.
*Being a skeptic Failure to believe everything you read on the Internet will result in a note in your permanent record, as well as banning.
**Also: "harrassing trolls; or using your real name". ~Algore
*Eating Bon-bons It is a well known fact that if you are ever caught eating bon-bons while using the Internet, not only will you be banned, but executed as well. With bon-bons being the leading cause of death in the world, a well-educated person would not find this surprising. This can cause obesity as well.
*Democracy Talking about, thinking about or reading about democracy will earn you an instaban from the internet. You will be deported to where, coincidentally, this very page got Uncyclopedia banned.
*Speaking "Leet" (1337 5?34)|< \/\/45 b4|\||\|3d 1n /\?R||_ 0ph 2oo5 \/\/h3n 1+ w@z 4n|\|0|_|n3|> 6y +|-|3 |_|.5. |>3?4r+|\/|3|\|+ 0|= 5 |_||\|1f!e|> |-|0|\/|3|_/\n|> (|>|_||-|) +h4+ |+ !5 +3h 5e<r3t c0d3-|_@n9u493 0f !||!+3R@+e +3rR0r!5+5. |-|0w3\/3r, !+ 1s 5+ihl !n usex0r !n +eh |_|n|>3r 9R0u|/||> teR|?0r!5+ +r4|n|n9 ?r09r4|\/| <0u|\|+3r5+R!|<3.
*Speaking "brainrot" skibidi ohio sigma goofy aaah- no fuck it I'm not going to do this joke. Brainrot is the new Internet-speak that replaced 1337, and it's incredibly stupid. If you speak that satanic tongue, you're going to get perma-banned from the internet and you totally will have deserved it.
*Attracting too much of Peer's attention.
*Camping in Counter Strike Also those who use the more advanced weapons developed to the game instead of fighting with a knife or some lousy pistol, will be banned. Shooting through any concrete walls will result in the same.
*Hitler As soon as you compare someone to Hitler, you lose the argument immediately, the thread closes, and you are banned. For this reason, when arguing with someone on the internets, you should try to trick your opponent into comparing you with Hitler. Rallying for the extermination of the Jewish race or proposing that people follow you in a war for the purity of the Aryan blood is an effective way to to assure you won't be banned from the internet. You will also win a Certificate of Hitlertude.
*Graphically representing the ash This kind of activity is condemned, Sherrod DeGrippo.
*Anti-Yaoi Eighty percent of the admins in the internet, especially in DeviantArt, are yaoi fanboys/girls. Dare insult their magnificent Garra X Sasuke non-canon couple and YOU'RE DEAD.
*Residing in the City of Detroit No questions asked, its just a fact of life.
*Being a furry or furry fan It's official, God hates them.
*Not being a furry or furry fan They made rules like this just to piss you off.
*Clicking popup and banner ads This makes huge companies get money. You wouldn't want that, right?
*Being a member of the Global Cabal of Policemen (GCP). No matter how quickly or slowly you enunciate your title, someone will figure it out and you'll be banned. That, and you have to tell them you're a Policeman if they ask. It's no fun at all.
*Linking to your userpage Even if the name doesn't match, it's disgusting, terrible, and just not right. I for one never do that sort of thing.
*Not being a brony Bronies are the new internet 1337ness, how dare you not get converted! 
*Being a brony All due to your sheer faggotry.
*Saying "FIRST!!!!" On the comment section of anything You are likely not mature enough to use any device with access to the internet.
==See also==
*How to get banned from Uncyclopedia
*King of the Internet. Don't cross this guy. He'll eat you, starting with your long pork sword, pausing only to spit out the seed.
*Block – a very dangerous disease
==External links== 
*Keep the Net Free – Has your site been banned? archived at the www.waybackmachine.org 
Category:Internet
Category:Law enforcement
 
Category:Things that are definitely out to get you
Category:Uncyclopoly
Category:FA Internet
Category:FA Law‏
be:Блок
cy:Mae'r defnyddiwr hwn wedi cael ei rwystro
fr:Bannissement d'Internet
ga:Cosc
nl:BAN
sco:Block
simple:User is blocked