Wizard Fights Man In Crowd And Gets Scammed By A Boulder

I am an all powerful wizard. I have laid waste to the capital city of Nuro, and fled to a nearby island. I was planning my next move. "I am going to take my army and conquer the entire world! I will rule it as I always have! And when I do, you will be left in ruins!" The crowd was silent. They knew what I meant by that.
"Alright, alright, calm down", I said. 
"What did you want?" A young man with long hair and a goatee stood up from his seat. He looked at me and raised his hand.
"I just wanted to thank you for saving me from the orcs." I smiled. 
"It was nothing. It's not important." The man nodded.
"Well then, I'll see you around."
With those words, he walked away.
I then raised my hands. The lightning bolts struck the man and he screamed out in pain. He fell to the ground and began convulsing. I looked at the man who has now turned into a chicken. 
"Now I'm going to kill you."
I then walked towards the man and slapped him across the face. He let out a scream and fell backwards. He tried to get up, but I grabbed his neck and threw him back onto the ground.
I then stood up and walked towards the man. He grabbed my arm and started pulling me away. I pulled away and started running. 
"Stop! Stop! No!" He yelled.
I stopped and turned around.
"Why do you want me to stop?" I asked.
"Because you're trying to kill me!" 
"No, no, no! I didn't mean that!"
"Yes, you did. Now I'm going to kill you!"
"Please, don't! Please, please, don't kill me!"
The man turned around and shot the person standing beside him. They fell backwards and began convulsing. 
"Don't you dare kill me!"
I ran past the man and continued running.
I then picked up a rock and threw it at the man. It hit him in the chest, causing him to yell out in pain. I ran forward and hit him again. This time, he fell backwards and screamed out in agony. I grabbed him by the throat and slammed him against the wall.
I then grabbed his wallet and ripped it open. I took everything inside and threw it into the river. The man screamed and ran after me. I ran along the shoreline until I reached a bridge. I jumped off the bridge and landed safely on dry land.
I looked down and saw blood coming out of my nose. I quickly put my hand over my mouth as I felt dizzy. I sat up slowly and looked behind me. A large rock lay right where I was standing. I could only guess that the man missed the safe spot.
I looked down and saw a hole in my forehead. I tried to wipe the blood from my eyes and then I realized that I was still alive. I stumbled back to the bank and collapsed onto the ground. I gasped for air and coughed up some blood.
I wiped my face and then went back to staring at the ground. I heard someone approaching. 
"Hey, what happened?"
"I fell off a cliff and broke my neck."
"Oh... okay..."
I then looked at the bridge and noticed that there was now a big gap between me and the other side.
"That's weird. Who would build a bridge like this?" I thought.
Maybe they just wanted to get rid of us...
I then climbed down the ladder and started climbing down the bridge. As I did so, I heard a loud noise. I turned around and saw a huge Boulder falling towards me. I quickly scrambled away from the bridge.
"What was that?"
I then looked at the boulder and asked: "Why did it fall?"
The boulder looked at me with it's big stupid eyes and said: "Because I'm dumb."
I laughed and said: "Well, at least you're not dead."
I looked at the boulder and asked: "Would you like to join me?"
The boulder looked at me and smiled.
"Sure!"
We then both walked along the bridge together. 
"So, how come you didn't tell anyone about this place?"
The boulder shrugged and said: "It was a secret project by an old rich guy who died. Nobody knows about it, except me and you."
I smiled and nodded.
"How much does it cost to join you?"
The boulder sighed and said: "A lot."
I then gave the boulder 100 gold coins. It started walking faster.
"Wow! That was easy! Now let's go find another way across the river."
I followed the boulder into the forest.
I then looked at the trees and noticed that they all had the same strange pattern. They seemed to be trying to tell me something.
"What is this?"
I inspected the patterns on the trees and noticed that they were all different sizes. The smaller ones had five leaves while the largest had twenty. 
"This is some sort of code. What is it saying?" I asked.
"It's saying 'Join Us'." The boulder replied.
I then joined the trees and they became my new home. I then continued on my journey.
"I think we should keep going. There must be more trees out here."
"Yeah, but where are we going to sleep tonight?"
"We'll figure it out."
I then lied down on the boulder's chest and closed my eyes. 
"Okay, I think we've got enough information for now. Let's get back to work."
I then woke up and headed back to work.
I then asked to ride the boulder.
"Are you sure? We don't have time to do this right now!"
"No, I think we can make it happen."
"Alright then, let's go.
I grabbed onto the boulder and started to climb.
I then began to climb down the hill.
"There's no point in stopping. Let's just go as fast as possible."
I then reached the bottom of the hill and stopped.
"Where did we go?"
"We went through a tunnel."
I walked forward and saw a large hole in the ground. A small light shone inside the hole. 
"That looks like a cave. Where is it?"
"It's behind us."
We both then entered the cave and it lead to a room with a table and chairs.
I looked under the table and saw a bunch of rocks. 
"Maybe these are gems."
I picked up a rock and examined it.
"Hmm... I wonder what this could be."
I put the rock back and looked around the cave.
I then sat down and ate dinner. It tasted good.
"So, how long was I asleep?"
"About an hour and forty minutes."
"Well, I guess I slept well."
"Indeed."
I then told the boulder to do the dishes.
"Oh, thank you! That was so nice of you!"
The boulder smiled at me and went over to clean up the mess.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing, really."
I then asked what is wrong.
"I'm not very good at cooking."
"Really?"
"Yes, actually."
"Then why didn't you say anything when I asked you to do the dishes?"
"Because I thought you were being mean."
I then said I am sorry. 
"Thank you, that means a lot." 
I then left the boulder and went back to work. A few hours later, I heard the sound of a truck outside.
I then told the boulder to investigate the truck. 
"This truck doesn't belong here."
"Why not?"
"Because there's nothing out here for miles."
"But where would they take a truck like that?"
"They wouldn't take one."
I then went into the truck and found a bag of gold coins.
"Wow, that's a lot of money."
"Yeah, but it's not enough to buy me anything."
"How much is enough?"
I opened the trunk and found a bunch of jewels.
"These are worth a fortune."
"Where did you get all this stuff?"
"My dad gave them to me."
"Can you sell me some of this stuff?"
I then sold the gems to the boulder.
"That will be $10 million dollars."
"Thanks, I'll give you $7 million."
"Great, let's meet at the bank tomorrow morning."
I then drove the truck to the bank.
"It's going to be ready by tomorrow morning."
"Okay, I'll see you then."
I left the boulder and headed home.
I then went to sleep.
Ending A: I woke up in my bed. "Good night, sleepyhead."
Ending B: I awoke from my dream.
I then woke up in my bed.
"Good night, sleepyhead."
I drifted off to sleep.
Ending C: I awakened from my dream. "What the fuck was that?"
THE END
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Inside Jokes
Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck
Category:DIALOGUE!
Category:WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT