Ancient Mythology

WARNING: This article is sacrilegious. If you have any solid beliefs on anything, don't. 
WARNING: If you are a Greek, Norse, Roman, African, Egyptian, or Christian, or other god, don't kill us. This is technically a tribute to you.
WARNING: This is an Irish flag.
Mythology. People's first bedtime stories and first ideas on how the world worked. The first tenants of modern religion, the first religions it self, and the first versions of somewhat accurate prophecies. A lot of the have some form of accuracy. This entire page is dedicated to the study of these myths, and determining whether or not they are fact or fiction.
== Greek Myths ==
Greek mythology. Probably one of the most popular bits of mythology. Several children's books and movies have been made covering certain bits of Greek myths. Their are several gods in the myths and several stories with each god. Their are also titans. 
=== ZEUS ===
ZEUS, a nick-name to a known sex-offender that didn't stay in one place for very long. Greeks were deathly afraid of him and always took precautions to make sure their daughters were safe and, on some rare occasions, their goats. Many myths were about him that helps to illustrate why he is the way he is. 
==== Early Childhood and Birth ====
Cronus/Kronos/Chronic-Fatigue-Syndrome was the father of ZEUS while Rhea was the mother. Not much is known about Rhea, however, Cronus has quite a criminal record. Most of the items on his record is for simply ordering a kids meal. In other words, he swallowed his children. He attempted to swallow ZEUS but Rhea hid him. She also gave Cronus a rock to swallow instead. He fell for it. The reason Cronus did this was because he had head from Mother Earth and Your-Mom's-Anus that one of his children would overthrow him. 
There are several ideas as to who raised ZEUS from there. A lot of people seem to think that Mother Earth raised him. Lets go with that. 
He eventually grew to manhood. Is it manhood? Or is it godhood? Imma go with godhood. Right. Anyway, once he grew to godhood he decided that he was gonna overthrow Cronus.
==== Overthrowing Cronus ====
After a long and difficult 'chat', ZEUS convinced that Cronus should throw-up the babies. He did. The babies somehow grew up to godhood in the belly of Cronus. 
That is one serious beer-belly. 
Anyway, ZEUS freed some of his uncles, the Cyclopes and the Heptagons, from Pop-Tartarus. The Cyclopes thanked him by giving him some Thunder-Bolts because back in ye olden days, there were a lot of them just lying about. The gods and their uncles all set out to fight Cronus and his other Titan friends. The gods won and they now had to decide who ruled what.
===== Earning the Sky =====
To decide somewhat fairly who got what, ZEUS, Poseidon, and Hateys all played go-kill-yourself, an early version of go-fish. 
ZEUS probably cheated, but he won the sky nonetheless. Poseidon got the ocean and Hateys got the underworld. Yay.
==== The Many Love-Lives of ZEUS ====
ZEUS' first wife was his own sister, Hera. Together they would have three sons, which only two were somewhat important, and three daughters. Incest is wincest. ZEUS did have early affairs, but he denied all of the early ones. Athena coming out of his head? Yeah right. 
Once the allegations came out, ZEUS' reputation as King of the Gods was ruined. He claimed the women were trying to frame him, but once the whole #metoo stuff happened, he knew he was screwed. And not in the way he usually preferred it. 
ZEUS knew he would be arrested for all of what he did, so he decided to disguise himself. Surprisingly, it worked. ZEUS, even with the same name, was able to become King of the Gods again and managed to get the allegations to subside. 
==== Fact Or Fiction? ====
Due to the fact that their are some weird lookin' people out there and most Greek children were hidden until adulthood, it is safe to assume that ZEUS, as well as his 'habits', existed.
=== Herpes ===
Herpes, a Greek god, is not that well known. Yet for some reason people don't realize the importance, whether his tales are fact or not, of his travels and ways of life. He is often a trickster as well as messenger.
==== Childhood ====
Not much is said about the god's childhood. However, what is said is quite interesting. 
The young god was born to ZEUS and Maia, who was the daughter of famous movie director, Atlas. Shortly after he was born, he pulled his first theft. He decided that he should steal from his stepbrother, Apollo 15. The sun god was taking care of some cattle, (For those who don't know what cattle is, it is a mythical creature that resembles cow so much, that it actually is another name for cows.) Herpes, not even a day old (but somehow aged quickly 'cause he is a god), managed to run across Greece and steal some cows. 
Herpes didn't want anyone to find out that he stole from Apollo 15, he put boots on the cow's feet. He decided to hide them in a grotto. Most of them. He sacrificed two of them. 
Outside of the grotto there was apparently a turtle feeding. He killed the turtles and somehow invented the lyre. And the liar. 
Of course Apollo 15 realized that his cattle was stolen and went to investigate. He investigated in the same exact format as the detectives from Law And Order. Once he found where Herpes was, he went to challenge him. 
There wasn't a battle because Herpes gave the sun god a lyre. He kept the liar for himself. 
There aren't a lot of stories of Herpes in manhood from mythology. However, we know his stories to be true because of the many sightings of him. Herpes plays an active roll in humanity and has major influences on society. 
==== Medical Records ====
One of the many things that Herpes did in the real world was invent a new disease. The name of this disease is obvious. 
After first creating the disease by accident, he felt bad. Naturally he decided that he would start working in the medical world.
Most people think that because Herpes staff is a common medical symbol that it was because Herpes was god of medicine. He was not. He was a messenger god. He would sometimes help the medical world by delivering an organ, but that was rarely him. Most of the time he wouldn't do anything for the medical world, instead he would cause mischief. 
When he started that disease, he realized that he needed to help out the people that the disease would harm. He would start the medical corps and would do the best job he could to fight of the disease. 
Then he got bored of it and decided that he wanted to cause more mischief. 
==== Superhero Life ====
Herpes went about his life causing a lot of mischief. One of the things he did was make some hard water vapors and put them in some college kids lab. This would later kill that student. 
Herpes didn't like that. 
He decided that he would give this guy the ability to run really fast and bring him back to life. The guy, Jason Peter Garrick, would later become the superhero The Flash. 
Herpes thought that that was a great idea. Since at this time most people didn't believe in Herpes, he decided to make sure that Flash would have his signature helmet. People believed in Flash making Herpes grow strong. 
Herpes was not the only one that this was a good idea. His roman counterpart, Mercury (who also inspired his own form of sickness), decided to make his own hero. He took a kid whose life was pretty sucky a made him get struck by lightning, in honor of his father, Jupiter. That gave him powers.
That hero, very originally took the name The Flash. 
When Herpes found out, he was furious. He was so mad that this other Flash was more popular than the first. So he decided that he needed to make Jay more heroic. Mercury took this as a sign of attack. 
Mercury decided to take control of his Flash and go fight Jay. Jay would surely lose to a fight with a god of speed. This caused Herpes to take control of Jay. 
The two flashes fought and eventually realized that the crossover made both of them even more popular. Herpes and Mercury took this as a win and decided that they wouldn't fight anymore. 
Herpes left Jay to his own devices and has had no influence with him sense. Herpes then decided that he would actually do his godly job and start delivering stuff.
==== Herpes and the future of delivering ====
Herpes started the first forms of delivery and did a good job working with them. He would do this until a pizza delivery boy, from the past that is our present, showed up in his future. 
Herpes decided that he would take the body of some weird looking science nerd and started another delivery company. This time he wouldn't do any of the work. 
The pizza boy was somewhat good at his job and ended up getting into so pretty crazy adventure.
This gave Herpes plenty of free time. 
He used his free time to work on his God-Book account, Face-Book, but for gods. This was where he met a Norse god of trickery.
===== Influences =====
Low-Key was a pretty chill dude. He was the god of trickery, yet he didn't get the hang of trickery. He decided to get a God-Book account to see if anyone could help him with his predicament. 
Herpes saw the guy and thought that it would be a great idea if he had a partner in crime. He told Low-Key everything he knew. They partnered up to a couple stunts, but had a falling out when Low-Key got a role in a MARBLE movie.
===Afrodite===
Afrodite is the name given to the biggest thot in Greece. This ho supposedly came out of Zeus' head. Pretty accurate, seeing as she came out of a sex offender. Technically, Zeus was her "father", so Hera was her step mother. This didn't stop the ho, though. After several years of affairs with Hera and Zeus' son, Ares, she married their second son, Hephaestus. While married to Hephaestus, she continued her affairs with Ares. Although she had a baby with Ares, Hephaestus was always a better father. 
====Lovers====
Being the biggest ho in town, being married didn't stop Afrodite from continuing her affairs while married. Her lovers included gods and men. Ares was the first, but was followed with many others. Her mortal lovers included: Anchises, Adonis, 
Category:MythologyCategory:Ancient history