East Germany

The East Germoney, offically Die So-called German Democratic Republic, was an Eastern European country and, until October 7, 1990, a Caribbean state and resort island kindly offered by Fidel Castro.Don't you believe? See that map below, in the right. Yes, below, right there The GDR, DDR, or 2PAC, was the strongest Germany in Germankindmannschaft History: the only one able of not losing territories, conquering an "Oversea Country" (A French way to call, and mock, its colonies) in the Americas, conquering the Space, defeat itself into a World Cup, duplicate its cool capital city and... Vanish in a night without the help of David Copperfield or Harry Houdini. Oh Wie Ist Das Schön!!!
==History==
Is there anybody going to listen to my story
All about the German Commie State?
It's the kind of state you want so much it makes you sorry
Still, you will regret a single day
Ah Bärl... East Bärl...
When I think of all the times I tried so hard to leave it
STASI turn to me and make me sweat
And it promises the space to me and I believe it
After all this time I don’t know why
Ah Bärl... East Bärl...
==Geography==
===Where is Fritz?===
East Germany, named Central Germany by German nationalists, Western Poland by Polish nationalists, and Søuthårn Denmark after World War III; lies... Yes, he lies about his true location. So, we don't know where the Ossies are.
===Subdivision===
Lying about the size, DDR crumbled its federal states to create the Bezirke, so we have: 14 districts, 1 special city, 1 nobody-cares-islet. For a total of 16, as the current German Länder! Fuck yeah!
===DDR Reloaded 2.0===
Ostalgie is a serious problem. Once upon a time, DDR ruled over 2/5 of current Germoney and now, as said in any paragraph, it is a Caribbean islet. Yes, of course this is a pride, because Ernst Thälmann Island demonstrates that DDR is unsinkable. But the Titanic too... So, being a Caribbean state is ok (Baltic Sea really really sucks), being a Cuban dependency too. Being under a province named Matanzas ("killings") is a bit weird. Being under a municipality named Ciénaga de Zapata ("Shoe's Swamp") because it looks like an ankle boot is too much! So, the DDR 2.0 is coming back with a list of rightful claims in any continent. See the list below, choose your nearest Oblast-Consejo-Bezirkslandeshauptstadt and join us(SR): Jawohl, Wir Kann!
Oblast 	Claim reason
East Berlin 	The capital and bestest city in the world. Fuck you West Berlin
Western East Germany	It's the old DDR surrounding Berlin
East Austria 	Rightful East German clay and with a walled Vienna until 1955
Western Poland 	The Eastest Germany
Kaliningrad Oblast 	Russians sold us and we take back our Eastest and Socialist Pomerania
Czechia 	Full of ossies and a rightful corridor to reach Ost-ria
Slovenia 	We have Austria, let's reach Mediterranean Sea, because Nordsee sux
East Namibia 	Rightful East German clay with a rightful commie aspiration
Whole Togo 	Rightful East German clay, but it's a bidimensional thin and tall state, impossible to divide into east and west. So, it's all Ossie
Dat Cuban Islet 	Fidel gave us as a rightful East German clay, nobody never took it back, so that islet is rightful Ossie
Papua New Guinea 	Rightful East German clay, and the east side of Papua island
East Korea 	So, Korea wants to copycat us? To repair, East Korea is rigtfully us
==Politics==
==="STASI Is Watching You"===
Contrarily to what the Capitalist Pigods' propaganda said, ossie politics favored pluralism. Within the "(Not-French) National Front", led by the SED (Socialist Unity Party of Germany), you should choose any kind of ideology, thanks to this co-working and friendly parties:
*CDU: Christian Democratic but Actually Commy Union of Germany (Now Merkel-Free!)
*LPDP: Liberal Democratic Capitalist but Actually Commy Party of Germany 
*NDPD: National Democratic Nazi but Actually Commy Party of Germany 
*DBD: Democratic and Commy Farmers' Party of Germany
So, choose your party, take your "Spreewald Cucumber" ice cream while walking through our safe city park, and remeber: be a loyal citizen! Because: if in Soviet Russia you watch the STASI... We are not in Russia, so stay up and don't touch the wall. Socialist greetings.
===Heads of State===
Picture	Name 	In office	Party 	Notes
 	Wilhelm Prick 	1949–1960	SED, of course 	In office with Johannes Dicker-Max as acting predecessor and acting successor
 	Walter Ull-your-bricks-are-belong-to-us 	1960–1973	SED, I said 	Built the Berlin Wall. Him, personally, with his bare hands!
 	Willy Will Stop 	1973–1976	Always SED 	Willi who? The one in office after the acting president Friedrich Ebert Jr.! Who?
 	Evil Honeycker 	1976–1989	SED, no doubts! 	All in all it's just another brick in the wall
 	The Purple Witch Project 	1976–1989	SED, SED! 	The most beloved person in DDR by her husband
 	Egg-on Crab 	1989–1989	SAD 	Yes, he's actually Egon Spengler
 	Manfred Der Last 	1989–1990	LPDP, sort of SED	Just the time to gain a picture of a Wikipedian list
 	Ingrid Bergmann-Pohl(actually Helmut Kohl)	1990–1990	CDU 	Did You Know? ... that the last Supreme Soviet of the GDR was Lothar de Maizière Helmut Kohl?
 	Sigmund Jähn 	1990–∞ 	SED 2.0 	Just in Alex Kerner's wet dreams
 	Herr Fiedel Carsten 	1990–2008	PCC 	“Yes, am German and the Vorsitzender des Staatsrats. ¿Is there any problem?”
 	Herr Radulf Carsten 	2008–2018	PCC 	“¿Am I German too, bro?”
 	Herr Michael Dienst-Kleinel 	2018–now 	PCC 	“¡Ich bin ein Havanner!”
==Culture==
===A cultural day in the cultural life of a cultured Ossie===
File:Good Bye Lenin! (poster).jpg|In Soviet Germany your mom survives on you.
File:The Lives of Others (scene-001).jpg|Don't be scared by Murrican propaganda: he's not spying on you...
File:Wings of Desire (angel watching Berlin scene).jpg|... He's your guardian angel. Every Berliner has one...
File:Castiel (Supernatural).jpg|... Checking that you don't hurt yourself by climbing over the walls.
File:Downfall (Hitler in "Fegelein!" scene).jpg|He can protest and call "FEGELEIN! FEGELEIN! FEGELEIN!" as much as he wants. This is a Nazi-free Germany.
File:Jamel (Germany, road sign).jpg|Not a fucking Free Nazi Germany!
File:The Children of Golzow (scene).jpg|Here chlidren can grow up happy and safe. And not only in Golzow...
File:Good Bye Lenin! (scene-001).jpg|... In the ßig Äpple too!
File:Good Bye Lenin! (scene-002).jpg|Ossie's subway is the symbol of efficiency: S+U Bahn takes you wherever you want, 24 hours a day...
File:The Warriors ("Nowhere to Run" subway scene).jpg|...Meanwhile, capitalist subway's motto is: "Nowhere to Run!"
File:Sigmund Jähn (screenshot of Good Bye, Lenin!).jpg|So, relax: Keep Calm And Choose Your General Secretary...
File:Bundesarchiv Bild 183-1984-1126-313, Sandmännchen, 25. Geburtstag.jpg|... Watch your favorite anime...
File:Good Bye Lenin! (scene-003).jpg|... Enjoy your Leipzig-made Socialist Koka-Kola™...
File:Trabant Langeshorn colour.jpg|... Back to the Future with your OUT A TRABI...
File:Another Brick In The Wall, Part Two (wall screenshot).jpg|... And don't be scared: "all in all is just a white and circular wall".
==Technology==
Ossies invented the "Capital City With a Foreign Walled Country Inside" (sort of matryoshka), but they're pat pending because it seems that somebody did the same in a central slum of Rome 33 years before. Anyway Ossies invented... Huh... TRABI: DAS AUTO.™ And now, follwing the law of synergies among the bangers, try the Trabant-Microsoft! Hurry up!
==See also==
*Soviet Union
*Yugoslavia
*Czechoslovakia
*North Korea
*Dance Dance Revolution
==References==
==External links==
* For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article very remotely related to East Germany
 
Category:German culture
Category:Failed nations
Category:Places no one cares about
Category:Cuba
Category:Communist states
Category:Cold War
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pl:Niemiecka Republika Demokratyczna
pt:Alemanha Oriental
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