Hillary Clinton's Dark Secret

I remember it like it was yesterday. The year was 1992. I just got done working on a big project and I was running home to get some well deserved rest. My stomach was aching because I had hardly anything to eat while I was working, so I stopped at my local diner to get some grub. It was a Tuesday, and the special that day, which was my favorite, was a hot dog covered in cheese, chili, ketchup, and relish. It was called The Dirty Dawg. I plopped myself on the barstool and Sal, the cook behind the counter, recognized me, grinned at me, and immediately got to work on it. The plate landed in front of me, and I scarfed the whole thing down. Something was odd, because the flavor was kind of different. Those were the last things I remember before I passed out face first on the counter.
I awoke bound to a chair and a burlap sack over my head. The bag was whipped off my head and I started to look around. I was in some kind of warehouse with very bad lighting. There were two people that I could see in front of me. One was an older looking woman, the other was a man in a suit sitting in a chair right behind her. It took a while for my eyes to adjust but the man turned out to be Presidential Candidate/Governor Bill Clinton. He seemed to be arguing with the woman, who turned out to be his wife, Hillary Clinton.
"C'mon Hillary, you don't have to do this, I'll do fine in the election. Please don-" Hillary slapped Bill across the face, shutting him up instantly.
"SHUT UP! WITH THIS, WE WON'T HAVE TO TAKE A RISK!" Hillary snapped back around to me with a big grin on her face. "So, we can do this the easy way, or the hard way. Hand them over!"
"Hand what over? What are you talking about?" I screamed, struggling and squirming.
"You know EXACTLY what I'm talking about, Sonic the Hedgehog." She slammed her fist onto the table in front of me. "The Chaos Emeralds! Where are they?" She screeched.
"I don't have any chaos emeralds!" I screamed. "Just please let me go and I'll never tell anyone about this! I promise!" Tears were streaming down my face as Hillary flipped my chair and I landed hard on my back. She slapped a rag on my face started to waterboard me. The session went on for 10 minutes before she got tired. She propped my chair back up and handed Bill a baseball bat.
"Whack 'em, Bill." She stated. Bill walked toward me with a face that said 'I really don't want to do this but my wife has me by the balls'. He took a fast swing at my head I went out for good. I started to regain consciousness the next day as I heard the end of a phone call. 
"... Obain? In about two years. Make it look like a suicide. Don't disappoint me." She hung up the phone to see me return to my senses. "Oh look, the blue rat has awoken. A special friend of yours is coming here soon." As soon as she finished her sentence, I heard a door slam open and some footsteps coming our way. Two armed mercenaries were forcing in someone I knew dearly, Miles "Tails" Prower. He looked terrified, and he was holding a big sack. He plopped it on the table, and two Chaos Emeralds spilled out of the bunch. 
"Good work, I'll take this from here." Hillary said as she pulled out each individual Emerald to make sure they aren't fakes.
"T-tails..." I stuttered. "... why'd you do it..."
Tails was shocked and I could hear the fear in his voice. "You know I had to do it em, they had a car battery clamped onto my nuts! You can't do that to a boy!" Tails fell on the ground in the fetal position and started to sob uncontrollably. Hillary had all of the emeralds as they started to glow all crazy-like. Bill went in to talk her out of this. "Hillary, please for the love of Jingus please don't!" If the people find out, I'll be ruined! Plea-" Hillary punched him in the face, knocking him on the ground. The Chaos Emeralds started to spin in a circle around Hillary as her eyes started to glow. 
"... Chaos... CONTROL!" Hillary shouted as the room flashed white. I awoke in my bed. It was morning, Election Day. There was still time! I rushed to the polls, where everyone was voting. "Did you see how Clinton stopped Eggman and his army of evil robots? He definitely deserves my vote!" I kept hearing all these things about them and I just shrugged them off. I got to the booth and saw the ballot. I immediately went to OTHER - WRITE IN. I wrote in only one word.
Freedom.
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Category:Sonic
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