Biofield flower therapy

Biofield flower therapyNot "Blofeld," though that would be much cooler. is based on homeopathy, but is actually dumber.Yes, you read that correctly. It was supposedly first perpetrated by a "late Professor Dr Helmut Meyl" (yes, that's "professor doctor") from "the Institute of Biophysical Naturopathic Programming" (obviously the cutting edge in science) allegedly based in Düsseldorf, Germany.<capture>Biofield Flower Therapy</capture> (wiki4cam). There isn't shred of corroborating evidence avaliable on the web even for the existence of any "Prof Dr Meyl" (living or dead), nor of the "institute" in question.
The riddle regarding this particular wonder of medicine was eventually solved, however.
==Theory==
The therapy seeks to use "vibrational patterns"What is vibrating is not made clear. claimed to be inherent within flowering plants to restore "biological information transfer" within human systems. The theory is based on the quack suggestionEvidently an obscure definition of the word that you were previously unaware of. that scalar waves"Scalar wave" is the new "quantum". within cells can suffer quantum interference from toxins.Jana Dixon 2006. "Time." Biology of Kundalini. The practitioner maps the human "biofield"Whatever that actually means. and matches the frequency of vibration in this "biofield", correcting irregularities in it via application of a suitable woo combination of "biofield flower remedies".Speakers (Quantum Energy Medicine Conference, 2008)
==D.I.Y. cure for cancer==
To prepare the remedies:
#Harvest the plantsNaturally growing, of course. That is to say – no plastic office ferns. at night, so that their vibrations are not exaggerated by "thermal electromagnetic disturbances".
#Soak the petals in schnapps for six months.
#Strain the schnapps through silk.
#Swallow the schnappsNow we're talking! whilst holding a vial of distilled water.You read that right. Just holding, in your hand. Yep. Go back and read it again. This only works for a trained practitioner!
#Drip the water onto lactose pills, which the patient then consumes.
Alternately, the practitioner may put one drop of the schnapps under the patient's tongue and one on their brow.What is this I don't even
Practitioners hold that "biophotons"Bischof, Marco 1995. Biophotonen: Das Licht in unseren Zellen. English summary. There is actually such a thing as a biophoton, but its magical powers are another matter. The Wikipedia article is such a woo-riddled disaster that even the skeptics threw their hands up and abandoned it with a groan. are captured by the sugar pills, and mightI say "might." transmit the "essential photonic vibrational patterns to the light-emitting DNA receptorsA sensory receptor hitherto unknown to human anatomy, let alone biology. in damaged cells.
At this point, you have filled every square on your alternative medicine bingo card. Congratulations.
==Effectiveness==
Researches into the effectiveness of biofield flower therapy are allegedly "in their infancy", even by alternative medicine standards, though the method must be considered remarkably effective in allowing the good Professor Dr Meyl to administer himself additional schnapps.
==Actual source==
Turns out it was all a parody of alt-med, written by sceptic Andy Lewis,Lewis, Andy. About. The Quackometer. under the "pen name" of his project The Quackometer. This humorous nonsense was posted by him to the pseudoscience site Wiki4Cam in 2008, under the name of "Dr Pankaj Chalwa, Certified Biofield Flower Therapy Practitioner Reg No. 1004563 Thiruvananthapuram, Kerala, India".<capture>User:Pankaj</capture>; <capture>contributions</capture> Nobody picked up on it as the parody it was… including the RationalWiki editors. Dagnabbit.
==Notes==
==References==
Category:Alternative medicine
Category:Quantum woo
Category:Homeopathy
Category:parody