What happens in between the dates is far more important than what happens on the date. Does he call you? Does he feel connected to you? Do you wonder where you stand or feel like you’re losing momentum? If not, it’s not a good sign.Think back to the men who made the best boyfriends: I can almost assure you that they made a supreme effort to win you over at the beginning. Because that’s what we do when we’re really excited about you.When we’re not? You know the drill.A one-line text that says, “Hey, what’s up? Wanna come over?” is about all the effort that he thinks you’re worth. You deserve better. Pay attention to his actions.And that means pay attention to his boyfriend behavior.What is boyfriend behavior, you ask?It’s the kind of actions that men take when they really value you and want to build something tangible. I’ve already told you that it’s important for him to say, “when can I see you again” within a day or two after seeing you. Any longer than that means he’s playing games, indifferent, or a very poor communicator who doesn’t understand women’s needs.Other boyfriend behaviors include leaving his weekends open for you, calling/emailing/texting you every single day, wanting to know that you’re not seeing anybody else, referring to himself as your boyfriend, introducing you to his friends and family, sleeping with you regularly, talking about a future, and declaring that he loves you.Needless to say, this isn’t all going to happen overnight.But this IS what happens when a man is falling in love with you.If this isn’t happening in a reasonable amount of time – a few months to become exclusive, a half a year to say he loves you, references to a future pretty much the whole time – you’re putting yourself in the precarious position of being in an unequal dead-end relationship. You’re giving him a free pass on his efforts, all because you’re passionate about him.That’s not good enough.If a guy isn’t giving you the boyfriend behavior you deserve, there’s one perfect solution: walk, and don’t look back.So, yes, you seem to have a good understanding of the courtship process. Guy asks you out. You say yes. He takes you on the date. You thank him for his generosity. He kisses you at the end of the night. You kiss him back. He follows up with a text to say he had fun and wants to see you again. You reply accordingly. Each step of the way, he’s making an effort, and you’re responding quickly with appreciation and enthusiasm. This is mirroring. Men reveal themselves in their efforts, and if their efforts lag, despite the fact that you had a great connection, he doesn’t earn the right to become your boyfriend.Now, say you’ve been on 6 dates. You’ve gotten to third base. He says he wants to take down his profile and focus on you. You agree. You sleep together. You’re now boyfriend and girlfriend. Congratulations.You are in a sexually exclusive relationship and you have a good two years to figure out if you actually want to marry each other. As you said, “During this stage we begin to see one another’s flaws and decide whether to accept or reject them. We learn how important communication is. We are excited and want to express our deep feelings and desire for a future. We learn that love is accepting someone’s flaws (as long as they are not unethical, immoral or abusive) and putting someone else’s needs before your own.”It is during this time that the masks come off and people reveal their true character. The guy who was charming at the beginning becomes aloof. The guy who was eager becomes lazy. The guy who was intoxicated by you becomes critical. The truth eventually comes out. There are no “games” when you’re in a relationship. There’s not even classic “mirroring”. He’s your boyfriend! You want to call him, call him! However, you shouldn’t NEED to remind your boyfriend that you’re alive. This is one of the things that often happens with readers who continue to mirror well into their relationships.“We’ve been together five months and we have plans this Friday night, but I’m not sure what to wear. Should I call him?” YES! There’s a huge difference between a text that says: “What should I wear to your parents’ house on Friday?” and “I haven’t heard from you in six days. How come you’re avoiding me?” One is basic communication, the other is weak and needy. If he’s your boyfriend, he should want to make you happy. It’s your job to tell him how to do so – he’s not a mindreader. So, yes, you can absolutely, positively tell him, “Hey, Jim, you know what would really make me happy? If you called me each night before you went to sleep. Can you do that for me?” If he puts up a big protest, it says a lot about his desire to make you happy. You asked a reasonable question that requires very little effort. He should want to make that effort to preserve your union. Similarly, you should easily be able to say, “Can you give me a few days notice before we have plans for the weekend, so I can prepare?” or “It’s cool that you have a busy life, but I don’t want a once-a-week booty call; I want a boyfriend who makes me a priority. You can understand that, can’t you?”It’s your job to state your needs. It’s his job to meet them. And if he doesn’t, it’s your responsibility to terminate the relationship. It’s not his job to let you know that he won’t give you more effort.That last line alone should save you YEARS of wasted time. If your intern isn’t performing, you have to let him go. Men choose women because you listen to them, provide empathy and support and affection – none of which he really gets from his guy friends.Fact is: people tend to become exclusive FAST – often within days, but generally not much longer than 6-8 weeks.If you’re not settled with a guy by then, he’s ambivalent, he’s using you, and there’s no one else to blame but you. “It’s been fun hanging out with you for these past few months, but I’m not looking for a once a week fuck buddy. I’m looking for a boyfriend who is open to a long-term relationship with me. And since, apparently, it’s not you, I’m going to have to say goodbye. No hard feelings. Best of luck in your search. Please don’t call me anymore.” “It’s been great getting to know you these past few months, but I’m looking for a boyfriend, not a once-a-week booty call. So I’m calling this off and want to wish you all the best in finding the woman of your dreams. I’m going to find my man. Please, lose my number.” If you have boundaries, you won’t sleep with a guy until he’s exclusive.If you have boundaries, you won’t stay with him for four months without being his girlfriend.If you have boundaries, you let him know how he disappointed you and how he can please you better, instead of silently stewing that he unknowingly mistreated you. the best way to a man’s heart is to treat him well. Support his dreams. Accept his flaws. Laugh at his jokes. Let him be himself. Cook him dinner. Give him oral sex. We’re really not all that complicated, y’know