"What has to be done NOW is to design that life, legally, with as much control as you can possibly get over custody and divorce arrangements. Because like **** said, as godawful painful as all these things that are happening to you right now are, they pale in comparison to the nightmare of an unfavorable custody situation.It sucks, but I think to protect your and your children's futures, you need to put yourself in more of a "single mom" frame of mind than is comfortable for you yet. ***** advice is absolutely spot-on. I know that in *** custody battle, which went on for 6 gut-wrenching years, the most costly mistakes were made (in terms of protecting rights and getting enough control to provide DD with a decent life) were because was trying to be accommodating and reasonable (with a wholly unreasonable person) and not as STRATEGIC and AGGRESSIVE, early on. **** actually got some pretty good legal advice, but didn't follow all of it, partly because  didn't think could afford to (which is laughable, $80,000 later...) and partly because was still thinking in a co-parenting frame of mind, trying in vain to provide whatever could be salvaged of a two-parent life for DD, instead of realizing that needed to think as if *** were her ONLY parent. Missteps at the beginning cost them dearly, dragging out the whole process and causing DD to stay in an unfit home for far too long, and then get yanked out of it with no warning at the age of six. What saved the case, in the end, was absolutely scrupulous documentation....six years' worth of phone logs, certified mail receipts, letters, canceled checks, pages and pages of notes, and even transcribed recordings of conversations. There was no such thing as a text or an email at the time, but that would have helped, too."My opinion is to move to where you want now. Absolutely ASAP. What *** means is that without a custody order in place you can go wherever you want. Once motions are filed you will have restrictions on crossing state lines or taking them XX miles away from their HOR without written permission. Now you don't need his permission. I disagree with everyone else on one thing, and that is initiating the divorce. I would wait as long as possible on that. Because 1. After 6 months in their new home they will be considered residents on that county and filing/court will be done there. This works out for you in lots of ways. And 2. So the baby is born while you are still married. No drama about filing for paternity or his denying anything- if baby is born during the marriage it's a done deal. If I were you (this is just my opinion...) I would move home and lay low.  As horrifically painful as all that is, it's a points in your column for later. Because, you know I love you, this pain you are feeling now will pale into comparison against the pain and torture that is a ugly custody case. My XH took all his anger and bitterness out on me in custody court and it nearly killed me. I would do ANYTHING to avoid that.