GROWING UP “RUSSIAN” in AMERICATHE WAY OUR KIDS  SEE US   Having so much food on the table at every single party your parents host that can last for weeks when the party ends.Your mom tells you to eat something she just made and you say "mama, I'm not hungry," and she replies "a shto?! Nada bit golodnim shtob ETA Pokushat?!" Running out of semechki is a crisis. You say "Blin!" instead of "Shit!"The main sport every Russian kid has had to play once in their life: Tennis, soccer, and durаka. If u don't know how to play duraka, u should be disinherited. When you get sunburned your grandparents tell you to put yogurt on itAt one point in your life, you had a carpet hanging on your wall.You can't go to a friend's house" s “pustymi rukami" - you should bring a tortik.Your mom will tell you to lose weight, and 5 minutes later ask you why you are not eating her piroshki.You try to get your mother's attention several times by repeatedly saying 'mama..' and she replies "NE MAMKAY MNE!"When you tell your mother about something you read or did on the Internet, and she responds with, "OH ti duraka valayish instead of looking for colleges?!"There is no right time to eat anything cold. You either are sick, were just sick, or will get sick."Holodets" is also known as "Jellied minced meat cooked with eggs and Pig feet."  Try getting any of your American friends to try that one.Trying to explain to your American friends what "iolki palki", "obaldet" or "pizdets" meansYour mom insists that you clean your room before the cleaning lady comes "shtobi nye bilo stidno"Your relatives and family friends tell you: "you know, when your mother was your age she already had a husband and a kid to take care off..."When you come home from school or work you must change into your "domashniya" clothes.You spent elementary and middle school wanting PB&J and Fruit Rollups for lunch instead of your meatball wrapped in rye. Now you sit in your college dorm pining for kotletki.Papa's favourite line: "NITCHEVO SEBYE!" and “IDIOTY”Every single event in your life is somehow indicative of whether or not you will get married"A chto k chayu?"When you invite a friend to your house, and your mother begins feeding him/her, you know she approves. Likewise, if no food isoffered, you know not to bring them back Mama always texts you the weirdest things and NE dai bog shto ti shto To NE to napisala, she will call you to find out what it meantPhone call from grandma: "Ya Po televizoru videla chto Po internet peredaut virusy, ni v koem sluchae NE pol'zuysya internetom"When you complain to your parents about a bee sting or a mosquito bite and they respond with "potomu chto ti sladkaya"When your parents force feed your American friends even though they said they're full...Everyone has to sit down before leaving for a trip.When your father's broken English, asks for the "Hostage" instead of the "Hostess" at the restaurant.When a black cat crosses the road and your mom immediately stops the car and refuses to go until somebody else passes her.Your mom will never throw away old garments because they make good "tryapki""Ne svisti doma, deneg NE budit!" If you could only explain to your American friends the connection between whistling and wealth.The only "Tupper ware" in your house is old smetana’s containers.When your American boyfriend visits, your papa immediately takes off his tapochki and gives them to him. Your mama is hustling to find more tapochki around the house so everyone's feet are coveredYour American friends don't understand "s lyohkim parom"Every time you compliment someone or say something positive, you might jinx them, so you always have to spit three times " T’fu-t’fu-t’fu shtoby NE sglazit’!"Your parents always make you wear "tapachkee" inside the house. And all of your friends.When you don't finish your babushka's seven course meal including salads, potatoes, fish, meat, soup, more meat, and finally desert, it means you don't love her.You don't understand why everyone doesn't sleep with a puhovoye odeyala, even in the summer.Explaining to your American friends that your family is neither yelling or fighting, just talking to each otherAt the end of the day you have to tell your mother every detail of what you did, including how many times you went to the bathroomYour mom does laps around the house on the phone repeating the phrase line "nu shto tebye skazat.."