The pain of failure correlates to the height of expectation

The pain of failure correlates to the height of expectation. When
desire is high, it hurts to not like the outcome. Failing to attain something
you want hurts more than failing to attain something you didn’t think much
about in the first place. This is why people say, “I don’t want to get my
hopes up.”
Feelings come both before and after the behavior. Before acting, there
is a feeling that motivates you to act—the craving. After acting, there is a
feeling that teaches you to repeat the action in the future—the reward.
Cue > Craving (Feeling) > Response > Reward (Feeling)
How we feel influences how we act, and how we act influences how we
feel.
Desire initiates. Pleasure sustains. Wanting and liking are the two
drivers of behavior. If it’s not desirable, you have no reason to do it. Desire
and craving are what initiate a behavior. But if it’s not enjoyable, you have
no reason to repeat it. Pleasure and satisfaction are what sustain a behavior.
Feeling motivated gets you to act. Feeling successful gets you to repeat.
Hope declines with experience and is replaced by acceptance. The
first time an opportunity arises, there is hope of what could be. Your
expectation (cravings) is based solely on promise. The second time around,
your expectation is grounded in reality. You begin to understand how the
process works and your hope is gradually traded for a more accurate
prediction and acceptance of the likely outcome.
This is one reason why we continually grasp for the latest get-rich-quick
or weight-loss scheme. New plans offer hope because we don’t have any
experiences to ground our expectations. New strategies seem more
appealing than old ones because they can have unbounded hope. As
Aristotle noted, “Youth is easily deceived because it is quick to hope.”
Perhaps this can be revised to “Youth is easily deceived because it only
hopes.” There is no experience to root the expectation in. In the beginning,
hope is all you have.
O
How to Apply These Ideas to Business
VER THE YEARS
, I’ve spoken at Fortune 500 companies and growing
start-ups about how to apply the science of small habits to run more
effective businesses and build better products. I’ve compiled many of the
most practical strategies into a short bonus chapter. I think you’ll find it to
be an incredibly useful addition to the main ideas mentioned in Atomic
Habits.
You can download this chapter at:
atomichabits.com/business
O
How to Apply These Ideas to Parenting
NE OF THE
most common questions I hear from readers is something
along the lines of, “How can I get my kids to do this stuff?” The ideas
in Atomic Habits are intended to apply broadly to all of human behavior
(teenagers are humans, too), which means you should find plenty of useful
strategies in the main text. That said, parenting does face its own set of
challenges. As a bonus chapter, I’ve put together a brief guide on how to
apply these ideas specifically to parenting.
You can download this chapter at:
atomichabits.com/parenting
I
Acknowledgments
HAVE RELIED HEAVILY
on others during the creation of this book. Before
anyone else, I must thank my wife, Kristy, who has been indispensable
throughout this process. She has played every role a person can play in the
writing of a book: spouse, friend, fan, critic, editor, researcher, therapist. It
is no exaggeration to say this book would not be the same without her. It
might not exist at all. Like everything in our life, we did it together.
Second, I am grateful to my family, not only for their support and
encouragement on this book but also for believing in me no matter what
project I happen to be working on. I have benefited from many years of
support from my parents, grandparents, and siblings. In particular, I want
my mom and dad to know that I love them. It is a special feeling to know
that your parents are your greatest fans.
Third, to my assistant, Lyndsey Nuckols. At this point, her job defies
description as she has been asked to do nearly everything one could
imagine for a small business. Thankfully, her skills and talents are more
powerful than my questionable management style. Some sections of this
book are as much hers as they are mine. I am deeply grateful for her help.
As for the content and writing of the book, I have a long list of people to
thank. To start, there are a few people from whom I have learned so much
that it would be a crime to not mention them by name. Leo Babauta,
Charles Duhigg, Nir Eyal, and BJ Fogg have each influenced my thoughts
on habits in meaningful ways. Their work and ideas can be found sprinkled
throughout this text. If you enjoyed this book, I’d encourage you to read
their writing as well.
At various stages of writing, I benefited from the guidance of many fine
editors. Thanks to Peter Guzzardi for walking me through the early stages
of the writing process and for a kick in the pants when I really needed it. I
am indebted to Blake Atwood and Robin Dellabough for transforming my
ugly and insanely long first drafts into a tight, readable manuscript. And I
am thankful to Anne Barngrover for her ability to add a little class and
poetic style to my writing.
I’d like to thank the many people who read early versions of the
manuscript, including Bruce Ammons, Darcey Ansell, Tim Ballard, Vishal
Bhardwaj, Charlotte Blank, Jerome Burt, Sim Campbell, Al Carlos, Nicky
Case, Julie Chang, Jason Collins, Debra Croy, Roger Dooley, Tiago Forte,
Matt Gartland, Andrew Gierer, Randy Giffen, Jon Giganti, Adam Gilbert,
Stephan Guyenet, Jeremy Hendon, Jane Horvath, Joakim Jansson, Josh
Kaufman, Anne Kavanagh, Chris Klaus, Zeke Lopez, Cady Macon, Cyd
Madsen, Kiera McGrath, Amy Mitchell, Anna Moise, Stacey Morris, Tara-
Nicholle Nelson, Taylor Pearson, Max Shank, Trey Shelton, Jason Shen,
Jacob Zangelidis, and Ari Zelmanow. The book benefited greatly from your
feedback.
To the team at Avery and Penguin Random House who made this book a
reality, thank you. I owe a debt of special thanks to my publisher, Megan
Newman, for her endless patience as I continually pushed back deadlines.
She gave me the space I needed to create a book I was proud of and
championed my ideas at every step. To Nina, for her ability to transform my
writing while still retaining my original message. To Lindsay, Farin, Casey,
and the rest of the PRH team for spreading the message of this book to
more people than I could ever reach on my own. To Pete Garceau, for
designing a beautiful cover for this book.
And to my agent, Lisa DiMona, for her guidance and insight at every
step of the publishing process.
To the many friends and family members who asked “How’s the book
going?” and offered a word of encouragement when I inevitably replied
“Slowly”—thank you. Every author faces a few dark moments when
writing a book, and one kind word can be enough to get you to show up
again the next day.
I am sure there are people I have forgotten, but I keep an updated list of
anyone who has influenced my thinking in meaningful ways at
jamesclear.com/thanks
.
And finally, to you. Life is short and you have shared some of your
precious time with me by reading this book. Thank you.
—May 2018
I
Notes
N THIS SECTION
, I have included a detailed list of notes, references, and
citations for each chapter in the book. I trust that most readers will find
this list to be sufficient. However, I also realize that scientific literature
changes over time and the references for this book may need to be updated.
Furthermore, I fully expect that I have made a mistake somewhere in this
book—either in attributing an idea to the wrong person or not giving credit
to someone where it is due. (If you believe this to be the case, please email
me at
james@jamesclear.com
so I can fix the issue as soon as possible.)
In addition to the notes below, you can find a full list of updated
endnotes and corrections at
atomichabits.com/endnotes
.
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