Burgewehr

The Burgewehr (Burger Gun) is the entirety of the German Armed Forces, which comprises of the Sturmbull (Storm Beef), Luftwaffel (Air Waffle), and Wasserbrotwurst (Water Hotdog). All of these are also the names of foods you can find on a menu in Germany.
There were also special units called the Sturmtruppen, the Schutzstaffel and the Fliegenklatschen. 
Kaiser Wilhelm, Otto von Bismarck, Adolf Hitler, and Frank Steindong controlled this thing.
== Formation ==
Before the Burgewehr, there was the Gewehrmacht, which was the First Reich Armed Forces for over a thousand years. Napoleon Bonapart was the highest commander of the Gewehrmacht until the First Reich fell. 
The Burgewehr was formed when Kaiser Wilhelm became the emperor of Germany. The Sturmbull, Luftwaffel, and Wasserbrotwurst were formed under Kaiser's rule.
=== The Name ===
Its name was the Gewehrmacht until burgers were invented during the Second Reich. Kaiser Wilhelm felt the need to change the name of the Gewehrmacht to tell that the Germans were moving forward, but he couldn't think of a name, and he hated the names suggested to him by his lower men. But then, he ate a cheeseburger for the first time, and he got the idea to rename the Gewehrmacht to the Burgewehr. 
The name of the Sturmbull also comes from the fact that burgers are made with beef patties. The name of the Luftwaffel came from the fact that waffles were Germany's second favorite food. The name of the Wasserbrotwurst came from one of Kaiser's guys when he said that ships were like water hotdogs and Kaiser was like, "Yes. Yes. Yes." 
== Battle Philosophy ==
Ever since the Gewehrmacht, the German warriors believed in Blitzkrieg and "Mach es Selbst," which most times got them killed quick, but their enemies got killed faster, so it was a good trade. This original philosophy wasn't taught in Kriegschule until the formation of the Burgewehr. 
Blitzkrieg and Mach es Selbst were taught in Kriegschule when Burgewehr was formed. It taught the idea of a lightning-fast war and individual action and power, and that Blitzkrieg was possible if du just "Mach es Selbst (Do it Yourself)." This also led to the new motto of "Du Musst es Tun! (You Have to Do it!)," which is to inspire average soldiers to do the unordinary which just might bring them to victory. Nowadays, "Du Musst es Tun" is used as a way to make fun of soldiers for doing stupid stuff during a war or stupid people doing stupid things that will get them on the Darwin Awards. 
=== Examples of German Du Musst es Tun! ===
==== World War I ====
* A few German soldiers rolled a giant boulder into a trench of some French soldiers, which allowed a breakthrough to occur moreover.
* A German soldier opened the hatch of a Mark V tank, and a piece of lead found his chest.
* A German soldier once threw an artillery shell at an approaching American soldier which broke the American's foot.
==== World War II ====
* A Nazi general went on the battlefield with only his Mauser and was shot immediately.
* A crew of German soldiers took an abandoned T-34 and turned it against the Russians. They got blown up by a fellow Tiger.
* A few German soldiers stole a bunch of grenades and lobbed all of them across a no-man's land, blowing up a bunch of Russians.
* A Stuka pilot suicided himself into a Churchill, but he forgot to drop the bomb, so it did nothing, somehow.
== Sturmbull ==
The Sturmbull was the ground army of Germany. They used the best guns and have the hardest training because this was the most powerful branch in the Burgewehr. Joseph Goebbels controlled this branch during Nazi Germany because he was a guy who was tough on failure and Hitler liked that because it meant that the soldiers would never fail, or, if they did fail, they would kill themselves before the enemy could get anything out of them. Well, kill pills were expensive so soldiers who were captured usually got tortured until they gave up information, or in the Russians case, continued the torture 'til they die. This branch gave the most information away to the enemy, which is partly why the Russians' Race to Berlin was so successful.
== Luftwaffel ==
The Luftwaffel was the air force of Germany. They did many things like, scouting in the first jet plane, support the Sturmbull with bombs and such, and firebombing and carpet-bombing civilians. Hermann Göring would authorize all of that stuff, which is why Hitler liked him, he knew that war crimes got in the way of things, so he just ignored them and told his pilots to commit them anyway. Training wasn't exactly tough on failure, so this was the branch with the most training fatalities in the world. Pilots also barely knew how to drop bombs accurately or aim their rockets correctly, just leading to more war crimes. 
== Wasserbrotwurst ==
The Wasserbrotwurst was the navy of Germany. Yeah, who cares, these guys never got into any big navy battles during WWII. The most notable thing was still the use of unrestricted Unterboat warfare, blowing up a bunch of British Dreadnoughts and troop carriers. This branch only fought against the French and British with their big ships and just submarines and bombardment against the Americans. Günter Gobstopper would be the leader of this branch just because he was a spy during WWI and Hitler thought that was cool and he deserved to be the guy who ran the navy. Gobstopper didn't know anything about battleship training and neither did Hitler, so he went to England to train in Her Majesty's Tea Sailors so he could return to train future navy with good knowledge. 
== The Schutzstaffel ==
The Schutzstaffel was the not-so-secret service of Nazi Germany. They did many special things that the normal Burgewehr distinctions couldn't like executing Communists and partisans in propaganda films. These guys were the best trained soldiers of Nazi Germany and were fiercely loyal to the Nazi Party, especially Adolf Hitler. They looked up to him like a god, or something like that. These guys were paid with the main stash of the hard drug Aryan Spirit. They consumed half of the 10 million tons of that stuff that was contained in a vault in the Herrbunker. 
When it came to war time, these guys got the hardest missions because they're supposed to be the invincible Germans. Every single soldier and member of the Schutzstaffel was killed in the first few battles they had to participate in. This is because Hitler was given the wrong population information by Himmler every time a battle was going to happen. Himmler hadn't told Hitler that the Schutzstaffel was really understaffed, the only officers being Felix Steiner and Hans Krabs, and only 10,666 soldiers out of the expected 144,888. So, when the first assault of the ≶≶ happened on Russian soil, 5,432 soldiers died. The second mission for the ≶≶ gained 3,294 deaths. And the last mission for the ≶≶ killed all the soldiers. Hitler found out in his Herrbunker when Hans Krabs told him that Steiner had no more ≶≶ soldiers. Hitler got super angry and the next week he had that rap battle and put a Walther to his brain.
== The Fliegenklatschen ==
The Fliegenklatschen was the super-secret service of Natchdong Germany that only took orders from Frank Steindong. It was used to commit genocide on certain populations in Germany and other parts of Europe. The main goal was to remove all Communists, and the secondary was to swat away religious influence on the culture by force (primarily Muslims because terrorism or something, and Christians because they were the biggest group). They had to convert to the religion of party leader worship, or die. 
This group would be dissolved when the Burgewehr was reformed into the Bundesburger. 
== Important Wars and Battles and Things That Involved the Burgewehr ==
War/Battle 	What Happened 	Time 	Allies 	Enemies	Result
Marxian Incidents 	National Socialists (not that kind) Group of Germany did terrorism against Kaiser Wilhelm's guys, so, he used the military against them. 	Sep 9, - Nov 12, 1874 	 	NSGD 	NSGD is executed and anti-Socialist propaganda is created and believing in Socialism is made illegal. This made people sympathetic to Socialism in the future.
Austria Independence War 	Austrian Nationalists took control of the Austrian State of Germany and went to war with Germany. 	August 8, 1888 - July 7, 1890	Liechtenstein	Austria	Austrian Nationalists executed. Anti-independence stuff is made.
World War I 	The Black Hand kill Franz Ferdinand, an important guy, and Germany attacks Serbia, then Russia attacks Germany, then Germany attacks Russia, then France attacks Germany, then Germany attacks France, then Britain attacks Germany, then Germany attacks Britain, then America attacks Germany, and the 2nd Reich falls. 	July 28, 1914 - Nov 11 1918 	Hungary
Liechtenstein
Poland
Turkyie	America
Britain
France
Russia	Emperor Wilhelm dies and Second Reich stagnates. Russia becomes Socialist. America becomes epic.
World War II 	Adolf Hitler wanted more lebensraum but didn't want Russia to freak out so he signed a deal with Joseph Stalin then Germany and Russia invaded Poland. Germany attacked Czechoslovakia because appeasement doesn't work, then France attacked Germany, then Germany attacked France, then Britain attacked Germany, then Germany attacked Britain. Germany attacked Russia, then Russia attacked Germany, then America attacked Germany, and the 3rd Reich falls.	Sep 1, 1939 - Sep 2, 1945 	Italy
Japan
Liechtenstein	America
Britain
France
Russia	Führer Hitler dies and Third Reich falls. Russia becomes bigger. America becomes epicker.
War On Terrorism/War for Oil	Some Sturmbull guys fight with American Army soldiers against some terrorists. 	Sep 11, 2001 - Aug 30, 2021 	America
Britain
Canada
France
Iraq	ISIS 	Nothing important related to Germany other than securing oil and stopping terrorism.
== Weapons Used ==
List of weapons used.
Category:Nazi
Category:Military
Category:German
Category:Organization
Category:German Origin