City Slickers/Trailer transcripts

After the Nelson Entertainment logo fades in...
:Mitch Robbins (Billy Crystal): Did you ever reach a point in your life... where you say to yourself "this is the best I'm ever gonna look... the best I'm ever gonna feel... the best I'm ever gonna do..." and it ain't that great?
:Co-Worker: Happy birthday.
We then cut to more scenes of Mitch on his commute.
:Announcer: For Mitch Robbins, turning 39 wasn't the end of the world... (The elevator door slams) ...it just felt like it. (Cut to him at home with his wife, Barbara [Patricia Wettig])
:Mitch: I'm losing hair where I want hair and I'm getting hair where there shouldn't be hair. I found four big, fat ones on my back; I'm starting to look like the Fly! (Next scene)
:Announcer: He couldn't put his finger on what was missing...
:Phil Berquist (Daniel Stern): (Pointing his finger) Show him the brochure! (Cut to...)
:Ed Furillo (Bruno Kirby): (As he pulls out the brochure) It's fantastic. (Mitch starts looking through it)
:Announcer: ...but his friends could.
:Ed: Two weeks, the three of us. Driving cattle.
:Mitch: What, like in a truck?
:Phil: No, it's a real, old-fashioned cattle drive! (Mitch closes the brochure)
:Barbara: Go away with Ed. Take Phil. Go and find your smile.
We then cut to a cattle drive.
:Rancher: Welcome to the Stone Ranch! Believe it or not, that work you saw a while ago, y'all are gonna be doing that the next two weeks! (As he says this, we see footage of a rider wrestling with his cattle. The trio stands there watching.)
:Mitch: My ass hurts just watching this. (Cut inside a general store, where the trio is now dressed in cowboy outfits.)
:Phil: What do you think?
:Mitch: I think you look like one of the Village People. (Phil looks at the camera disconcertingly.)
In the next clip, Ed spits and it lands on a light blue T-shirt.
:Ed: (Turns to the cashier and points at the shirt) I'll-- I'll pay for that shirt.
Then we cut to Curly (Jack Palance), who swings a knife around before throwing it - and just missing a man's crotch. Already having to endure enough with a noose around his neck, he screams. The trio looks on.
:Mitch: That is the toughest man I've ever seen in my life! Did you see how leathery he was? He's like a saddlebag with eyes!
:Curly: (Just before a cattle drive) Roll them out! (Then we cut to Mitch, Ed, and Curly on the drive)
:Mitch: Hi, Curly! Kill anyone today?
:Curly: Day ain't over yet. (Mitch looks uncomfortable, and Curly just chuckles. Then we cut to two other people on cattle.)
:Rancher: Arnold, uh, I'm losing you! We're, we're going over behind a butte, and Arnold? (Cut to another day on the ranch, where Mitch has a surprise for his cohorts...)
:Mitch: I got a special treat: I'm gonna make fresh coffee. (He starts the coffee maker, and the cattle, startled by the noise it's making, look up. A stampede begins immediately.) Wow, something's spookin' the cattle.
:Worker: STAMPEDE!
Phil runs away, and Mitch is up in a tree. Finally, Curly brings the stampede to a grinding halt with a gunshot.
:Curly: City folk. (Cut to the cow birth) This cow's havin' a baby. Reach in and pull out the calf.
:Mitch: (After reaching inside, he pulls his hand out and points at Curly) You know, this was not in the brochure.
Cut to a shot of our heroes looking over a valley.
:Announcer: This summer...
:Phil: YEEEEEEE-HAAAA!
:Ed: YEEEEEEEE-HA!
:Mitch: Yeeha! (He shakes his head.)
:Announcer: Billy Crystal... (Cut to Mitch after the baby cow's birth)
:Mitch: Look what I did! I made a cow! (Cut to Phil)
:Announcer: ...Daniel Stern... (Phil then pops out of his boots, then we cut to inside a tent, where he's brandishing a gun against the other two, as he says the following.)
:Phil: I've lost my wife, I've lost my job, and I've got some sort of rash, from mating in the bushes! (Cut to Ed riding a bronco)
:Announcer: ...and Bruno Kirby...
:Ed: I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die, oh God! (Cut to the trio on cattle)
:Announcer: ...hit the trail.
:Curly: You know what the secret of life is? (As he says this, we cut to him and Mitch on horseback)
:Mitch: No, what?
:Curly: (Raises his finger) This.
:Mitch: Your finger?
:Curly: Just one thing.
:Mitch: (As he raises his own finger) What's the one thing?
:Curly: That's what you gotta figure out.
Cut to later in the journey, where the three are in the forest and there's an explosion. Cut to them in the rain.
:Phil: Let's just leave the herd and get the hell outta here, huh?!
:Ed: A cowboy doesn't leave his herd!
:Phil: YOU ARE A SPORTING GUN SALESMAN!
:Ed: Not today! (Cut to Mitch running and throwing a rope at a cow...)
:Announcer: Sometimes, you have to get your feet wet... (only to fall in the water)
:Mitch: God, I don't like this!
:Announcer: ...to sit a little taller in the saddle. (As he says this, Phil comes to Mitch's rescue)
:Mitch: I'm 39 and I'm saying, "moo, cow," in a river! Can you believe this?! Ha-ha-ha! (Cut to a different day)
:Rancher: You came out here city slickers... you gonna go home cowboys.
Caught unaware, Mitch is being towed away as a cow starts running. He screams, and we cut to a faraway shot, with "CITY SLICKERS" on the top of it.
:Announcer: City Slickers. (Back to Mitch)
:Mitch: I'M ON VACATIOOOOOOOOON!
The billing block is shown afterwards, and the trailer ends.
Category:Trailer transcripts