Doctor Ernesto Gordon Goondis

"I am the man named Doctor Goondis. I am the glimmering beacon, and I'm both the mayor and the sheriff. Approach me now, and you won't get hurt."
== Appearance ==
Doctor Goondis first appears as a giant cracked brown egg. He has two asymmetrical eyes and a misshapen mouth. As an egg, he is voiced by Ryan's audio files from BuzzFeed Unsolved. The idea for Goondis's voicing came from a suggestion in Viaduct Tavern's Q+A video from Joseph Cornell on Facebook. Joseph asked that Shane "trick Ryan into voicing one or many of these brilliant characters." 
He is later reborn as a chicken wearing goggles, epaulettes, and a dog tag necklace.
== Biography ==
While insane, Doctor Goondis is erratic and unpredictable. In this state, he speaks in a choppy and stilted manner.
While sane, he is charming, excited, and friendly. His full name is Doctor Ernesto Gordon Goondis.
=== Early life ===
Garce has related that Doctor Goondis was once a brilliant man. According to Mike Soup, he and Soup "kicked ass" in the Wars, even killing the tyrannical Space-Pope Chili IX together. After the Space Wars, Doctor Goondis settled on Tomat-0 and gained the affections of the Plupples. Doctor Goondis, because of his superior intelligence, was then made ruler of the Plupples. Garce is quoted as saying that Goondis "used to be a real technical whiz, charismatic as all hell" until he started losing sanity, due to the Dark Master putting "a dark cloud" over his mind at the request of Joblet.
=== Adulthood ===
After hearing of an "interloper," or, Maizey, Doctor Goondis decreed that Maizey would be brought to him, and decided that she had been "harassing [his] dearest Plupples", and should face "bizarre and violent trial" with a Beast-Plupple. He sent Maizey to the Plupple cell and ordered that she would remain there until he had rested and was "feeling much saner".
At the Plupple Stadium, Doctor Goondis was insulted by Maizey when she accused him of "barely [being able to] string a sentence together". As a counter argument, Doctor Goondis and the Plupples sung "Doctor Goondis' Rap." He then threatened to "skin her alive" if Maizey killed his giant Plupple (Moofus), and then wished her luck. However, Maizey ended up killing Moofus anyway.
Moofus' explosion, causing chaos and making the Plupple Stadium crumble, drove Doctor Goondis to his breaking point of insanity. He approached Maizey and threatened to kill her. Goondis was later broken in half by a falling stalactite, and, with Maizey standing over his body, was reborn as a (fully sane) chicken. Goondis then serenaded her and the Plupples by singing "Outta My Shell", to which he re-introduced himself. While the Plupples provided an instrumental break, Maizey and Doctor Goondis came to an agreement that he could come along with Maizey on the Starship Minestrone, under the condition he could help Maizey keep Joblet, "the treacherous peach", in line, when he would wake up. Maizey and Doctor Goondis then boarded the Starship Minestrone with Joblet’s unconscious body and Smeech.
Upon lugging Joblet into the Minestrone, the crew allowed him to sleep three hours before Doctor Goondis woke him up from his dream, notifying him that that was a sign they wouldn't hurt him. Maizey explained that although the entire crew, "except maybe Smeech," wanted him dead, they would refrain on the condition that Joblet would tell them where Garce's ship was heading. Doctor Goondis expressed a desire to take revenge on Joblet, notably by pecking him to death, in retaliation to Joblet "[ruining] a large portion of his life", but remained true to a mentioned promise to Maizey that he wouldn't hurt Joblet as long as he helped the crew find Mike Soup and Gene. Joblet confessed that the Persica was headed to the O-Nion Station Space Buffet, upon which Goondis commented on the property of the station, highly recommending it and lamenting his withdrawal of timeshares with the land. When Joblet pleaded that he didn't know any more, the crew set a course for the Space Buffet.
Maizey, Doctor Goondis, Joblet, and Smeech originally planned to sneak in through the O-Nion Station's cargo delivery bay, but once discovered, they lied that they were an average nuclear family that had gotten lost and lost their reservation passes in a wormhole. The sliders Alice and Christopher brought them to the interrogation room and questioned them, to which Maizey claimed that her name was Teresa Matterhorn, that Doctor Goondis was Cecil Ramon, her husband, and that Jobblet and Smeech were their children. She also claimed to be a "high-powered attorney," insinuating that she could cause legal trouble for the Station if their reservation was not accepted. Alice and Christopher briefly left to discuss the missing reservation. While they were gone, Joblet panicked that they would be found out. Doctor Goondis responded with a threat to kill Joblet "before [the sliders got] a chance to slap the cuffs on [the gang]". Joblet responded angrily, claiming that he had been Doctor Goondis' friend, to which Goondis countered with the fact Joblet had "locked [him] in a mind-prison". When they returned, Christopher set the group up with a room and some free "toaster tan" vouchers, and they left, to go find Gene, Mike, and Garce. However, before finding them, they were put through the orientation process. The process left them under some type of spell that prohibited them from thinking any kind of negative thought.
Doctor Goondis, Maizey, Smeech, and Joblet found Gene, Mike, and Garce one by one on the Zero-Gravity Lazy River. Doctor Goondis, finding the crew first, made polite conversation with them until Mike Soup eventually recognized him by asking him if he had assassinated the Pope. The two, joyful at their reunion, welcomed Joblet and Smeech into the group, even though Joblet’s crimes had angered Goondis and Soup before the orientation. Maizey found the crew last, and although she had originally planned to tell them something, she admitted she could not remember, due to the orientation process numbing the negative parts of her memory, saying that "You know, after that orientation [they] just went through, [Maizey] just... phew! [She] just [wanted to] chill 'til [she was] dead!"
Weldon Burgereaux, checking on the J.V.I.P.s (Garce, Gene, and Mike Soup), and their guests (Maizey, Smeech, Joblet, and Goondis), then alerted them that the Pasta Parade was due to be soon, and that he had reserved the highest float in honor of them all. After leaving, Joblet brought up that he'd never "totally got the download on why the Dark Master wanted [them] here". However, everyone immediately dismissed it and agreed on not worrying about it.
During the Pasta Parade, Doctor Goondis was on the J.V.I.P Feel-Good Float along with Garce, Smeech, Joblet, Gene, Mike Soup, and Maizey. Before the appearance of the Dark Master, Mike Soup mentioned that he smelled chili, foreshadowing the reveal that the Dark Master was actually Space-Pope Chili IX. While on the float, on request of Weldon Burgereaux, Doctor Goondis shot the Serenity Lights at the crowd, calming them. The Dark Master then interrupted the Parade by taking a bite out of the O-Nion Space Station, killing many of the guests, including Weldon Burgereaux. Before dying, Burgereaux warned the group to run. While the group panicked, Goondis shot the group with the Light, influencing their minds relax and think rationally. However, after being shot with the Light, Garce claimed he felt sick. Joblet suggested Goondis shoot him once more, to heal him, but Goondis refused, saying Garce "[looked] ripe". Garce, then realizing he was possessed by Pam, stated he believed he was going to die, and proceeded to "pop like a balloon." Pam, now free of her prison, proceeded to appear and then scold the group for "frying [their] brains on that pink junk," meaning the group's current addiction to the Serenity Light. Furious and horrified at the death of his son, Joblet swore revenge on Pam. Pam, however, killed Joblet as well. She then explained to the rest of the group that she had appeared to help, and that they needed to "get [their] heads in the game." Maizey agreed, and with that, the group vowed to defeat the Dark Master once and for all.
The group, having very little time, scrambled to make a plan, first wanting to strangle the Dark Master with the pasta they had from their float, but ultimately settled on using the Serenity Light to shrink his bad energy. Before they could fully charge up the Serenity Light in order to use it at its full potential, the Dark Master appeared and killed Smeech. Pam volunteered herself to deal with the Dark Master to buy the group more time, and attempted to kill the Dark Master with a witch blast. The Dark Master held the witch blast in midair, then deflected it at Gene, who was seriously injured. Immediately after, the Serenity Light reached one hundred on its charging power, and Doctor Goondis shot it at the Dark Master, who was shrunk down to his normal size and temporarily incapacitated. After the gang checked in with Gene, the Dark Master called out for Mike Soup, who recognized his voice and identified him as Space-Pope Chili IX. Doctor Goondis urged the rest of the group to grab the Bernoulli Converter off of the Persica and run while they still had a chance, finishing his request with the assurance that he and Mike would stay behind to fight the Pope.
In "Believe Me, Maizey," the O-Nion Station exploded, and Doctor Goondis, Mike Soup, and Space-Pope Chili IX were presumed dead.__FORCETOC__
Category:Characters