Hoopla The Fighter

This is the 49th episode of Hoopla's Fantastic Beach, and the 10th episode of season 4.
==Transcript==
(The episode starts with Hoopla relaxing on his couch)
Hoopla: Boy, I sure do love doing nothing all day. It would be unfortunate if I had to interrupt my slacking off.
(Hoopla gets a heart attack)
Hoopla: AAAAAH!
(Simon walks in with a stick, and starts beating Hoopla, who spits out his heart)
Hoopla: Oh God…thank you. I’m feeling better.
Simon: No problem. Anyways, I’ve got to tell you something.
Hoopla: Ugh… what is it?
Simon: I’m entering you into a tournament.
Hoopla: What?! I was never told of this!
Simon: You don’t really have a choice. The charity unanimously decided that you would be the one to do it. For publicity and all that. And more charity money. Ice cream business is getting sorta slow.
Hoopla: Why me?! What did I ever do?
Simon: I dunno, save the world three times?
Hoopla: That’s fair I guess. I don’t like to brag about it but I suppose I am kinda awesome. So what kind of tournament is it? Screaming tournament? That’s about the only thing I can do.
Simon: Oh, it’s an extreme boxing tournament.
Hoopla: WHAT?!
Simon: I’m sorry but it’s the only way we can raise lots of money for our charity. It’s for a good cause, I promise.
Hoopla: Well, if it’s for a good cause. When does it begin?
Simon: Tomorrow.
Hoopla: TOMORROW?! I gotta start practicing now!
Simon: Yeah yeah, good luck and all that. Well, I best be going.
Hoopla: Huh?! You mean… you’re not gonna help me train?
Simon: Nah, I’m off to Hooters. They got hot jellyfish chicks there. See you, Hoop!
Hoopla: B-b-but, what if I don’t win?!
Simon: You will.
(Simon walks off)
Hoopla: Huh… (sigh) Can’t I ever be told things in advance… I thought stuff would start quieting down around here. Ugh, how am I ever gonna train for a fighting tournament? Er…
(Silence)
Hoopla: Okay, I don’t even know.
(Hoopla starts to actually think)
Hoopla: Wow, actually thinking is pretty useful. I think I need a punching bag.
French Narrator: One trip to the local punching bag store later…
Hoopla: Alright, I’m all ready to practice. I got my punching bag, my boxing gloves, and a brand new copy of the latest Street Fighter game.
(Hoopla turns on his gaming console and inserts the video game disc into it. Hoopla then starts playing the game with one hand while punching with his other hand)
Hoopla: Y’know… maybe it’s best to… do these one at a time.
(Hoopla stops punching the punching bag)
Hoopla: I love video games…
French Narrator: Two hours later…
(It is now late evening)
Hoopla: Jeez, how long have I been playing for? I should really go practice my boxing skills.
(Hoopla turns off the game and looks at the clock)
Hoopla: EIGHT FIFTY-SIX?! I’VE BEEN PLAYING FOR TWO HOURS! I’m not being productive!
(Hoopla starts repeatedly punching his punching bag, but quickly gets tired)
Hoopla: (yawning) I’m too tired to do any more practicing right now. Hoopla needs his shuteye.
(He hops into his bed)
Hoopla: Goodnight, world. (he instantly starts snoring, saying “Hoopla” in between each one)
(The next morning, Hoopla instantly gets up and starts punching his punching bag again)
Hoopla: Gotta get ready for the big tournament! Gotta get strong, gotta get strong!
(He continues punching it for a bit until he gets tired of doing it)
Hoopla: Okay this is really fricking boring. There's gotta be a better way to practice. You know what, screw it. I’m hitting the gym.
(Cut to Hoopla at the local gym, signing up for a membership)
Staff: Are you sure you wanna sign up for the gym, man? It’ll cost your soul.
Hoopla: Soul, schmoul. Gimme gimme.
Staff: Have it your way, then.
Hoopla: Yay! Now I can train!
(Hoopla rushes over to the gym equipment and starts lifting weights)
Hoopla: Okay this is boring too.
(Hoopla lets go of the weights, which land on his stomach)
Hoopla: OW! HELP!
(A gym trainer instantly goes over to lift the weights from his stomach)
Gym trainer: It seems you were in quite the pickle.
Hoopla: Yeah, you think?
Gym trainer: Seems you need a gym trainer, huh?
Hoopla: Actually, yeah. I’m training for an extreme fighting tournament.
Gym trainer: Extreme? Well at this rate you’re going to be toast. Once I get you into shape I’m sure you can do anything.
Hoopla: Alright, let’s do it!
(A montage of the gym trainer professionally training Hoopla plays. Hoopla and the trainer do some basic, very easy, baby level exercises for around an hour. It is fast-forwarded through because it is boring)
Gym trainer: How do you expect to fight if you can’t even complete a simple push-up?!
Hoopla: (collapsing on the floor) I…don’t… (puff) see how these tasks are fighting related. I’ve just been stretching and doing dumb excerises.
Gym trainer: These exercises, no matter how dumb they may seem, are important. The more you do, the more healthy and strong you’ll become. I mean, you told me you got a literal heart attack yesterday, you need this. You gotta push through the hard parts at first- it’ll make it easier when we actually do fighting related training.
Hoopla: I have to wait it out?! Dude...the tournament is later today.
(The gym trainer's jaw drops) 
Hoopla: …Should I have mentioned that?
Gym trainer: Did you expect to be able to do all your training in a matter of hours?!
Hoopla: Umm… yeah?
Gym trainer: People these days. Always waiting till the very last second.
Hoopla: Well, I was only told about the tournament yesterday, so…
Gym trainer: Goodness… (on the verge of fainting) No… gotta stay strong. Hoopla, you paid for a month worth of membership… and at this gym- we believe anything is possible if you work hard enough.
Hoopla: What are you saying?
Gym trainer: I’m getting paid. And we’re condensing that month of work down to a few hours! This is gonna be so fun! What a unique experience!
Hoopla: Oh…what joy.
Gym trainer: Now, let’s start with some basic squats.
Hoopla: (groans as he struggles to do squats)
Gym trainer: Oh yeah…. (moans)
Hoopla: Weirdo.
Gym trainer: I uh, sorry about that. Continue squatting.
(Hoopla continues squatting, and gets a very distraught look in his face)
Hoopla: (panting) Can I at least have a water break soon?
Gym trainer: No breaks! Your tournament is today, remember?
Hoopla: Right…
Gym trainer: Alright, now let’s switch to touching your toes.
(Hoopla tries touching his toes, but they are just out of reach)
Gym trainer: What’s wrong, can’t touch your toes? Too bad.
Hoopla: I’M TRYING!
(Hoopla tries again to touch his toes, and breaks a bone in one of his arms)
Hoopla: OW! HOOPLA!
Gym trainer: Jesus Christ, you’re more out of shape than I thought. Giving me Daddy Pig vibes, honestly.
Hoopla: SOMEONE GET ME A DOCTOR!
Gym trainer: Not with that attitude. You’re never gonna be ready for the tournament if you’re gonna give up that easily.
Hoopla: I AM INTERNALLY BLEEDING!
Gym trainer: Oh you’re just exaggerating. Come on kid, let’s do some burpees now!
Hoopla: What the hell are burpees?
Gym trainer: No time to explain, just do them!
(Hoopla looks like he is about to have a seizure)
Gym trainer: …maybe I should’ve explained them. Well, let’s move onto the treadmill. There’s one (points to a treadmill) right over there.
Hoopla: This won’t be so bad. I’m used to walking.
Gym trainer: Oh no, you won’t be walking on that. You’ll be running.
(Hoopla gulps as he walks onto the treadmill and turns it on to running speed)
Hoopla: Huh… it’s not working-
(The treadmill suddenly goes to running speed, and Hoopla falls over and gets suffocated by the treadmill)
Gym trainer: Oh my.
(The gym trainer pulls Hoopla out from under the treadmill- Hoopla is as flat as paper.)
Gym trainer: This is not an excuse to take a break. You need to lift some more weights.
(The trainer folds Hoopla into a paper airplane and throws him over to where the weights are.)
Hoopla: (hitting the wall and popping back into shape) Oww…
Gym trainer: Get to it! Oh, and make sure to use the heaviest weights.
Hoopla: (reading the label on the weights) ONE TON?
Gym trainer: You’ve gotta be able to lift a ton if you want to be competing in that tournament.
Hoopla: Doesn’t this seem like too much?
Gym trainer: Again, we’re doing a month of training in a few hours.
Hoopla: Ugh…
(A few hours later…we see Hoopla and the gym trainer are now doing professional fighting exercises. There’s a pile of energy drinks on the floor, and Hoopla still looks like his soul is going to fade away any second now. “Beat It” by Michael Jackson is playing on a crappy gym speaker.)
Hoopla: (in a boxing match with the trainer, sweating an ocean) KILL ME. END IT.
Gym trainer: That’s the spirit! Get mad! Use your anger! It’s power!
(Hoopla tries to swing at the trainer… but is so disorientated he ends up spinning in a circle and hitting himself, falling to the ground.)
Gym trainer: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1- KO! You lost again! This is so unacceptable! Are you even trying?
Hoopla: THAT’S IT! I'm not doing this anymore!
Gym trainer: But we're so close to finishing the training! You can't stop now!
Hoopla: Actually this is a free country so I can. I'm leaving. You’re a toxic trainer.
Gym trainer: WHAT. BUT- DON’T YOU WANT YOUR REWARDS MEMBERSHIP CARD?!
(Hoopla immediately leaves the gym in frustration)
Hoopla: That was awful. I hate professional training. I’m never going back there again. (pause) …Oh right- I forgot to pay. Oop.
(Hoopla quickly runs inside to pay and runs back out.)
Hoopla: Okay. NOW I’m never returning. …Wait, I need to cancel that membership so I don’t get overcharged…
(Hoopla dashes inside even faster and comes out again.)
Hoopla: (puff) I’ve done enough running today. Let me just get out of this hellhole… DAMN IT I FORGOT MY WALLET!
(A few minutes of back and forth later…)
Hoopla: Fantastic. Now I’m all worn out. I’ll never win the tournament now…if I can even move my legs enough to walk there. (sigh) You have to do this, Hoopla. Think…motivate yourself. It’s for the good of the people. The good of this society. Charity. Hmm…
(Hoopla thinks back to everything he’s learned in the previous episodes)
Hoopla: They’ve taught me so much…I've become a better person because of their help. It’s only fair that I return the favor. …But I can’t do this the normal way. In some scenarios I can, but others I can’t. Not every plan will fit me. Maybe the trainer’s plan works for someone else. But not me. I’m my own person, my own thoughts and experiences, those can shape a plan made distinctly for me. I got this. Society’s taught me their lessons…now it’s time they learn Hoopla’s uniqueness. I have to train… my own way.
(Cut to Hoopla returning to his beach house. He turns on the radio, which plays “Eat It” by Weird Al, and boots up the fighting game he bought yesterday)
Hoopla: Now this is the Hoopla way.
(A montage of Hoopla playing the fighting game all the way through plays, including him getting 100% in the game)
Hoopla: HOOPLA! I did it! Now that that’s over and done with…
(Cut to Hoopla in the same place, but this time playing Wii Boxing)
Hoopla: Huah! Hi-yah! Kah-rah-tay! Ouch.
(Cut to Hoopla on his computer, looking up Street Fighter moves on Foogle)
Hoopla: Hmm, interesting. Good to know.
(Cut to Hoopla playing the fighter game again, this time memorizing complex fighting moves)
Hoopla: Damn, this is hard. What was it… (looks up the command on his phone) Up, down, A, B, right, down, B, B, C… I got it now.
(Hoopla tries the fighting move again and gets a giant combo)
Hoopla: SCORE! Wait, I don’t think that’s how I’m supposed to use that word. Oh well.
(Cut to Hoopla playing DDR, with his feet constantly moving from one arrow to another)
Hoopla: Maybe playing the hardest difficulty wasn’t the best idea. Come on Hoopla, focus, you won’t win with that kind of mindset!
(Hoopla, with his determination, manages to get a perfect combo for the rest of the game)
Announcer: A+!
Hoopla: I knew I could do it.
(Cut to Hoopla on a treadmill, with a cheerio on a stick hanging from the treadmill to encourage him)
Hoopla: Must… get… cheerio… ugh, it hurts! But I’m doing it, so I guess it’s worth it.
(After all of that training, Hoopla finally starts sitting down)
Hoopla: I think… I think that’s enough training. I think I’m… I think I’m ready. For charity!
(Cut to Hoopla entering the fighting stadium, slightly intimidated by the other competitors)
Hoopla: (gulps) Come on, Hoopla, get yourself together. You did everything you could do…
Fighter: Hey there, shrimp-o, what are you doing here? You aren’t gonna fight, are you? (chortles)
Hoopla: Actually, yes I am.
(The fighter starts bursting in laughter, even rolling onto the floor. Hoopla groans as he walks past him)
Fighter: (gets up from the ground, wipes a tear from his eye) Hahahaha, I wish.
Hoopla: I wonder when the tournament starts…
Announcer: Aaaand the tournament starts now!
Hoopla: Already? Damn.
Announcer: The first contenders are… uhh… Hoopla Fish, and Beatrice the Beater!
Hoopla: Who the hell names their child Beatrice?
(Hoopla and Beatrice get onstage)
Beatrice: (laughs) Who is this pipsqueaker I’m dealing with?
Hoopla: Are you deaf? My name is Hoopla.
Beatrice: Oh, so we got a smart aleck I’m dealing with here. I see how it is.
Announcer: Ready… set… FIGHT!
Beatrice: Prepare for an ass whooping like you’ve never had an ass whooping!
Hoopla: That’s a terrible line.
Beatrice: …shut up!
(Beatrice gets ready to throw a punch at Hoopla, but he dodges it just in time)
Hoopla: Hadouken!
Beatrice: What the hell are you doing?
(Hoopla charges up his attack and launches a Hoopla-colored energy blast at Beatrice, which knocks her down)
Hoopla: I’m not sure how I did that but I am never going to question the logic of this universe. That was awesome!
Announcer: And Hoopla Fish wins round one!
Hoopla: Huh? I did it?
(The audience cheers)
Hoopla: And I got an audience. Cool!
Belgian Narrator: Three rounds later…
Hoopla: Wait why are you Belgian-?
Announcer: Round four! Hoopla Fish versus… the Crusher!
Hoopla: Well that doesn't sound very good.
(Hoopla walks onto the stage, along with the Crusher, who is seven feet tall and in a metal costume)
Hoopla: (gulps) Well this doesn’t look very good either.
(The Crusher subtly laughs as he tries to roundhouse kick Hoopla, but he once again dodges the move)
Hoopla: (blows raspberry) Can’t catch me!
(The Crusher does not respond, but instead tries to bash his head into Hoopla instead. Once again, Hoopla dodges this and causes the Crusher to bash into the side of the stage instead)
Crusher: Oh god DAMN IT! This was my time to shine!
Hoopla: Hehe, got you to talk.
Announcer: And Hoopla Fish once again wins this round!
(Louder applause than last time)
(Several rounds later…)
Announcer: Round nine! Hoopla Fish and… The Joker!
Hoopla: Now where have I heard that name before…
The Joker: We truly… live in a… society…
Hoopla: Weirdo.
(Hoopla immediately punches the Joker in the crotch, knocking him out instantly)
Announcer: And we have a winner for this round too! Hoopla Fish!
(The crowd cheers once again)
(Several more rounds later…)
Announcer: Aaand it’s time for the final round! Hoopla Fish, versus… Il Grande Cattivo!
Hoopla: Huh, this guy’s Italian. Good to know.
(II Grande Cattivo comes onto the stage, who is morbidly obese)
Hoopla: He’s morbidly a beast! No way!
Grande: My plan is going perfectly. One more lightning round and victory is mine! (sniffs) I can smell that golden trophy from my nostrils.
Hoopla: Once again, weirdo.
Grande: You dare challenge me? Bring it on, tiny fart!
Hoopla: Oh yeah speakin' of farts aren't you that guy who's the son of that famous soccer player or something?
Grande: …the hell you talking about? Anyway…
(Grande rolls into a ball and runs over Hoopla)
Hoopla: That hurt… (he gets up)
Grande: Huh?
Hoopla: Now it’s my turn.
(Hoopla does a complex Street Fighter combo move and kicks Grande straight into the wall)
Grande: Ouch! My femur!
Hoopla: Got him where it hurts.
Grande: It’s not over yet, pipsqueak. I still have one more move up my sleeve. And NOBODY has seen it before.
(The audience gasps. Hoopla gulps)
Grande: It’s called… the CHOKEHOLD!
Hoopla: The what?
(Grande instantly grabs Hoopla’s throat and starts spinning him around)
Hoopla: Oh my god this is so hot- I MEAN, I… can't breathe!
Grande: Good! That’s what this move is for- wait, what did you just say?
Hoopla: That I can't breathe?
Grande: No, before tha-
(Hoopla starts running in place like he’s on the treadmill and starts kicking Grande in the stomach)
Grande: Ow! Ow! OW! Stop that! Stop preventing me from winning!
Hoopla: In your dreams!
(Hoopla continues running in place, causing Grande even more pain. Eventually, Grande gets down onto the ground from all of the punches)
Grande: God DAMN IT! FINE! TAKE THE TROPHY, SEE IF I CARE!
Hoopla: Wait… wait… not yet. I gotta do my ultra cool special move.
(Hoopla moves into position and starts squatting up and down, leaning left and right, saying the letters “A, B, C” out loud, spinning in circles, rolling on his head, and doing cartwheels.)
Grande: What…what in the hell… wh… huh??????
(After a minute or so of doing random moves, Hoopla jumps up into the air and shouts out a loud “HOOPLA”- its blast so powerful it launches Grande out of the arena.)
Hoopla: HELL YEAH! HOOPLA!
Announcer: DING DING DING! WE HAVE A WINNER!
Hoopla: Alright!
Announcer: But…uh…you’re gonna need to pay for the stadium damages too. Hooray!
(The audience cheers)
Hoopla: Uhh…yeah. Okay. That totally won’t halve my total earnings…
(Cut to Hoopla bringing a wheelbarrow full of the prize cash to Simon)
Hoopla: Here you go, sir. The money you got from me.
(Giant dollar signs appear in Simon's eyes. Cha-ching sound effect.)
Simon: I knew you’d win this, Hoopla.
Hoopla: …you did?
Simon: Of course I did. You did save the world a few times after all.
Hoopla: Yeah but, it’s no big deal.
Simon: Come on, dude, it is a big deal. You won big time. I mean, if you were able to save the world using your uniqueness, I knew you would use your uniqueness again to win this championship.
Hoopla: Well, I-
Simon: Tell you what. I know how much you like them Cheerios. So… I got you this.
(Simon gives Hoopla an oversized box of Cheerios. Hoopla's jaw drops like in that Mr. Krabs "bruh" GIF.)
Simon: I found this from some random Foogle site. Don’t ask.
Hoopla: Gee, I don’t know what to say. You know, you are a pretty cool guy.
Simon: Yeah, you could say that.
Hoopla: Now then, TIME TO CHOW DOWN!
(Hoopla jumps inside the giant box of Cheerios, consuming them all. The episode ends)
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