Doppelganger/Episode transcript

This is the episode transcript for "Doppelganger". From TheSacredRealm.net
(Link is practicing sword moves and humming the Mario theme. A Moblin climbs up the side of the tower he is in and stands on the window sill.)
Link: Huh? 
(The Moblin throws a boomerang at Link, who deflects it with his sword)
Link: Nice try, Moblin. 
(The Moblin throws a second boomerang, which Link also blocks)
Link: But you lose. 
(Link zaps the Moblin away.) 
Link: Tell Ganon Link sends his love. Huh? Mmm. Left a souvenir. A Force Field Ring. Just what I always wanted for Christmas. 
(at the Underworld in Ganon's lair)
Moblin: I'm sorry Lord Ganon. 
Ganon: You're sorry? You're sorry? Blast these incompetent servants! You idiots! That dratted Link is seriously starting to annoy me. But he does have a weakness. He'll do anything for Zelda. I do believe it's time to try this special bit of magic I've been saving. 
(Ganon laughs and then uses magic to create a shiny white disc)
Ganon: Off to the chambers of Princess Zelda you go. And may it be a bad reflection on her. 
(Ganon throws the disc. It travels through the air and into Zelda's room, where it turns into a Mirror. Spryte flies into the room.)
Spryte: Zelda? Princess Zelda? Huh? Goodness me. Where in Hyrule did this Mirror come from? Oh, one more thing for me to dust. That Princess is so vain sometimes. 
Zelda: Spryte? Spryte! (She enters the room) Spryte, did you iron this? Huh, where did this come from? 
Spryte: I thought you ordered it. 
Zelda: No, it wasn't me. I wonder where it came from. 
(That night, Zelda is brushing her hair in front of the new Mirror. A strange light shines on it, and when Zelda stares into the Mirror, a different Zelda appears, wearing black)
Evil Zelda: Get her out of here. 
(A bunch of Moblins appear in the Mirror and Zelda screams. Link, asleep in bed, hears and jumps out with his sword)
Link: Zelda! 
(The Moblins have tied Zelda in a sack)
Evil Zelda: About time too. Get back through the Mirror while I get the Triforce. 
(The Moblins carry Zelda through the Mirror. Link runs up to Zelda's room and charges through the door. He zaps the Moblins.)
Link: Are you all right Zelda? 
(A Moblin hiding behind an upturned table throws a jar at Link. He ducks, and it smashes the Mirror.)
Link: Ha! Seven years bad luck, Moblin! Starting now! 
(As Link goes to zap the Moblin, another one jumps on his back and they struggle.)
Evil Zelda: Drat. I'll need to find another way to get the Triforce back to Ganon. And I think I know just the way. 
(Link manages to defeat the Moblins.)
Link: Ha! 
Evil Zelda: Oh Link! (Runs up and puts her arms around him) Thank goodness you're here. 
Link: Uh... well hey. That's what heroes are for. 
(Evil Zelda kisses Link)
Link: Woowee. Finally! Kinda colder than I expected. Say, that's a new look for you, isn't it? 
Evil Zelda: I just got it. Do you like it? 
Link: You know it, Princess. (He walks over to her but trips over and lands on his back.)
Evil Zelda: Hmm. Good. Because you, me and the Triforce are going to go uh, um, attack Ganon. Right now! 
(Link and Evil Zelda are riding horses through the forest. Link is carrying the Triforce.)
Link: Phew. This thing is heavy. Why don't you make it float like you usually do? 
Evil Zelda: Because, because I don't want to that's why. Now shut up! 
Link: Excuuse me, Princess. 
(They ride past a pond, and Link can see their reflections in the water. But evil Zelda doesn't have a reflection.)
Link: She doesn't have a reflection. I knew that smooch was too good to be true. That's not Zelda! So that's not really Zelda, ey? That means she's been captured, and this is all a trick. 
Evil Zelda: The underworld entrance is just ahead. Follow me. 
Link: Sure I'll follow you. Right to Zelda. Actually, this could be fun. 
(in Ganon's lair, Ganon is standing in front of the real Zelda, who is tied up) 
Ganon: Welcome to my humble domain, Princess. Coochie coo! 
(He touches her face, and Zelda bites his finger)
Ganon: Ouch! Oh ow oh. 
Zelda: Care to lose a few fingers, Porky? You just wait til Link gets here. 
Ganon: Oh, but I am. You see, he is delivering the Triforce of Wisdom to me. Behold. (He shows Zelda a magic glass, in which she can see Link and Evil Zelda riding their horses)
Zelda: No! Link! 
Ganon: (Laughs) I must go choose some of my pets to welcome him. (Teleports away)
Zelda: We'll see about that. (She uses a boomerang to cut through the rope binding her wrists) Good thing I kept this. 
Ganon: Now, my servants, go, bring me the Triforce! (He conjures up enemies in his Evil Jar) And take care of that insufferable Link! 
(Link and Zelda are climbing a staircase. Link is struggling from carrying the weight of the Triforce)
Link: This thing's really heavy, uh, Princess. 
Evil Zelda: (Sighs, and then gives Link a kiss) Better now? 
Link: Oh yes, much better. 
Evil Zelda: Good. Come on. 
Link: (to himself) Now this is what I call a rescue mission. (They reach the top of the stairs, and a bunch of enemies appear.) Uh-oh. Welcome wagon. 
(Link fights Stalfos and Moblins. A bomb sends him and a couple of Stalfos flying through the air. He lands next to them.)
Link: Uh-oh. Bone heads. (He defeats the Stalfos) There. Clean house. 
Evil Zelda: Oh Link. You were wonderful. (She kisses him) 
(The real Zelda appears and sees them kissing)
Zelda: Link! 
Link: Zelda!
Evil Zelda: Oh boy. Here we go. Time for me to deliver this (she picks up the Triforce) to Ganon. 
Link: Look, Princess, I can explain. 
Zelda: Don't talk, move! She's getting away. 
Link: Excuuse me Princess. 
(They chase Evil Zelda through the underworld. They come to a room with several doors. Evil Zelda goes through one, and Zelda goes through another. Link doesn't know where Zelda has gone.)
Link: Zelda? 
(Evil Zelda appears)
Evil Zelda: Oops. 
Link: Not you! (He starts to chase after her, but Zelda opens a door in front of him and knocks him over.) Ow! 
Zelda: Get up, Link. After her! 
(Evil Zelda falls through a hole and uses magic to conceal it, so Link and Zelda go through another passage. Zelda emerges first, only to see that she is standing on a high ledge. Link runs out and knocks her over, and the two fall.)
Link: Sorry. Why don't you look where I'm going? 
Zelda: There she goes! 
(They see evil Zelda running below them. Then, they hear a strange noise and rocks begin falling at them.)
Link: Uh-oh. Octoroks! Time for a forcefield. (He pulls out the ring he found earlier) Hang on, Princess. (He grabs Zelda and jumps off the path. As they fall, he kills the Octoroks, and the ring makes a field around them.) Geronimo! 
(They land on a path below.)
Zelda: Don't you EVER do that again without telling me! (She runs off)
Link: Well excuuuuuuuuse me Princess! 
Zelda: (Chasing evil Zelda) Not so fast, you impostor. (She lunges at her and they both fall into a lake of muddy water. Link runs down to them)
Link: Zelda? Oh no! 
Both Zeldas: Link! That's the impostor. 
Link: Hmmmm. Afraid there's only one way to tell you two apart. A kissing contest! 
Evil Zelda: Why sure. (She kisses Link)
Link: Ooowee! Very good. Next. (He leans over to kiss Zelda, but she slaps him.) Ow! (Sighs) That's my Zelda all right. 
Zelda: Glad you agree. (She uses Link's sword to zap evil Zelda, and then turns to Link.) Here's your sword. Now let's get out of here before... 
Ganon: You mean, before I show up? Prepare to meet your doom, you pitiful creatures. 
Link: Not yet, Ganon. It's bathtime! (He causes a rockfall that traps Ganon under the water) We gotta get out of here before he recovers. 
Zelda: There's our exit. Quick, grab the Triforce!
(Link and Zelda use the Triforce to float up through a hole in the roof and escape)
Ganon: Blast! 
(Link and Zelda are walking home)
Link: You know, Princess, you might want to consider a black outfit. Might look pretty good. 
Zelda: (groans)
Link: Aw, come on, Princess. I was just kidding. Well, excuuuse me, Princess!