You Are What You Eat

an adventure starring Bartholomew, Reg, and Crud. Companion episode: Not Enough Duct Tape
==Setting==
an island with Untz Untz City on it
==Short Episode Description==
Join Bart, Reg, and Crud as they crab walk their way around an island to save people from an impending tsunami! You Are What You Eat is an actual play podcast of Everything's Going to Crab!
==Non Player Characters==
*Mihai Abugoch (ferry employee)
*Raluca Tun (ferry employee)
*Nessa Safiosi
*Sylvie Monteleone
*Crud Jr.
*Nkosingiphile Hemmi (server at IHOC)
*Nikolay Rudoy (amnesiac line cook at IHOC)
*Zala Poko (imposter crab shop owner)
*Rococo Behrendt (shopper)
*Gideon McCullough
*Nur Ikhwanuddin (diner)
*Syed Caspermeyer (diner)
*Neema Bojko (beachside community center)
*Yaro Ostachuk (beachside community center)
*Tatu Lheknim (beachside community center)
*Musa Barros-Alves (beachside community center)
*
==Plot Summary==
The adventure begins on a ferry arriving on an island just off the coast of Niqamui. Crud, Reg, and Bartholomew have made the trip for a bit of relaxation-- and because the tickets were dirt cheap. Close to the port, the ferry jolts to a halt. Smoke begins rising from the engine room.
The jetty looks invitingly close, so at a [joking] suggestion from Reg, Crud leaps off the ship, whilst Bartholomew retrieves his horse from the parking deck and follows suit. Reg, however, heads to the buffet to grab food "before the cannibalism starts". How prescient. Afterwards, he investigates the engine room to find out what's going on, seeing as the ferry is likely their only way home. He learns that a suspicious hooded teenager in a black cloak and glowing red eyes was seen in the vicinity shortly before the ferry broke down, and that there were some parts missing. With that information in hand, Reg joins his comrades.
On the shore, the trio spy a crowd on the beach gathered around something. Drawing closer, the something appears to be a giant squid washed up on the beach, with the small dwarf Lobo crouched over it. He fiddles with some sort of powder, drops it, and covers himself in it. At the same time, the powder gets caught by the breeze, covering the whole crowd before spreading to the town. It's at this point Bartholomew grows crab claws.
Taking this transformation somewhat personally, Crud and Reg take Lobo to IHOC for questioning, whilst Bartholomew discovers that his horse now has several additional legs. Making their way into the kitchen area of IHOC (Crud owns the place so it's fine), they set up a boiling pot of water and attempt to convince Bart to "test the water", trying to cook his new claws. To their surprise, he climbs in and starts swimming around, slowly becoming even more crab-like.
Once Bart has finished his unscheduled bath, Reg and Crud tie Lobo to a chair and suspend him from a pulley system to slowly lower him into the pot. Lobo seems positively thrilled, and is much happier with the situation than perhaps anyone else. They ask about a suspiciously tall teenager with glowing red eyes, and Lobo says they were seen heading to the community centre, before requesting to be boiled a bit more. He gets his wish.
Arriving at the community centre, Crud takes part in a crab-eating contest, but loses to Nessa Safiosi. Reg exchanges a few words with her to let her know his identity - he's wearing a different costume this time, after all. Bart heads outside and spies a tall teenager wearing a cloak and with glowing red eyes. Crud immediately tackles him, and comes face-to-face with his son, Crud Jr..
Crud Jr. grumpily returns what he stole, and notes that the well is empty. Upon investigation, Crud finds a large crack in the bottom of the well, from which a breeze is blowing. Breaking through, he sees an enormous cavern. Before going any further, Reg runs the boat parts back to the ferry so it can be repaired. Returning to the community centre, the trio delve into the cavern, which snakes its way up to the surface, coming out in a wooded clearing- the only thing of note being a huge stone monument, declaring that several hundred years ago a massive wave destroyed the island and its inhabitants, with the only survivors being crabs.
Bartholomew scuttles up a tree to find out where they actually are, and looking out over the horizon, sees a distinct lack of sea where the sea really ought to be. He determines that another wave is on its way, and the town has mere hours to either evacuate or turn into crabs.
They make their way back into town and come across a pawn shop. They figure it would be a good idea to start warning people of the wave, so enter the shop and ask about floatation devices. The shopkeeper seems reluctant to sell to them, and whilst a shopper seems interested in not dying a horrible watery death, the shopkeeper steadfastly refuses to turn into a crab-- because they are one already! The shopkeeper-turned-evil-crab tries to snip Crud's head off, fails, and scuttles the hell out of there. The customer agrees to evacuate via ferry, and says she will head to the town hall to warn her husband and others.
Meanwhile, Bartholomew (who, by this point, is basically entirely crab) spots his friend Gideon cowering in fear. He tries to convince Gideon to turn into a crab to avoid the oncoming catastrophe, but he seems reluctant. In the name of getting a move on, they whack him round the head and carry him to the ferry.
In order to save what's important to them, Crud heads to his restaurant to save his employees, whilst Reg and Bart return to the community centre to save Reg's occasional employer.
At the IHOC, Crud effectively orders the employees to turn into crabs, and offers to pay the cost of the meal for any diners who also become crabs. It's all fairly sensible.
Meanwhile, at the community centre Nessa and Sylvie, at Reg's request, gather everyone in the main hall. Bart-crab starts clacking rhythmically, and Reg leads a bizarre freestyle rap to get everyone to turn into crabs. It works pretty well, and those who don't turn into crabs there and then head down to the beach to evacuate.
With time running short, the trio head to the ferry themselves, watching as an enormous wave approaches and destroys the town. 
No matter, though. The important people were saved.
Category:Episodes