Drunken Fuckery Ideas

Group Activity! This is to be filled out by the group, subject to approval by the DM. Please try to keep it simple! Magical effects, status effects, physical effects - all on the table, good or bad. This is meant to be an expression of pure chaos magic. Feel free to draw inspiration from the Sorcerer's Wild Magic table.
One idea per item, please. Approved ideas from this list will be used to create Drunken Fuckery Table.
#You cast fireball as a 3rd-level spell centered on yourself.
#Halitosis! You gain a single use of a breath weapon (Poison, 10 foot cone, Con save) that can be used as an action within one hour. See Dragonborn breath weapon for damage and save values.
#Memory loss. You will not be able to remember anything that occurs over the next hour. From your perspective, the moment you consume the drink, you suddenly find yourself where you are in sixty minutes without knowing what has transpired since. (If you have Keen Mind or another feature that prevents memory loss, you may use an Action to recall the forgotten experiences.)
#HICCUPS! For the next hour, you are afflicted with a condition that causes you to hiccup every three seconds. You incur a -10 penalty to Stealth opposed by anything using sound to detect you as well as a -2 penalty to Persuasion and Intimidation attempts. Additionally, anything your player has you speak for the duration must include the hiccups. This condition can be ended early with Lesser Restoration.
#DO NOT REVEAL THE RESULT OF YOUR ROLL TO OTHER PLAYERS UNTIL THIS EFFECT IS TRIGGERED OR NEGATED. Love Potion. If you are immune to Charm, this does not take effect and you are not aware that anything happened. Otherwise, for the next hour, the first time a creature speaks to you in a language you understand, you become infatuated with them for 24 hours or until you take damage from any source. You will feel an undeniable urge to talk with them and do things to please the creature. That creature gains advantage on attempts to Persuade you and disadvantage on attempts to Intimidate you, and the save against any attempt they make to place you under another Charm effect is rolled with disadvantage. When the effect ends, you understand that you were influenced by it, like recovering from Charm Person.
#You are under the effect of the Slow spell for the next minute.
#You are under the effect of the Haste spell for the next minute, followed by its stated after-effect.
#Tongue paralysis. You can no longer speak or make any vocal noises for the next hour. Casting a spell that includes a verbal component is impossible.
#You experience restlessness for one hour. For the duration, your walking speed increases by five feet. If you have a non-zero movement speed, you must move at least five feet on every turn or take 1d4 psychic damage at the end of your turn. (Outside of combat, this will likely result in incessant pacing.)
#Wide-awake. For the next five hours, any effect that would cause you to fall asleep fails and you may not fall asleep by any means. Throughout the duration, you may benefit from a short rest, but none of the time will contribute to the necessary hours to complete a long rest.
#DELICIOUS! You don't know what was in that drink, but you are now addicted to it and feel compelled to try and recreate it. For the rest of your life or until this effect is ended by Lesser Restoration, you really, really want to make use of this feature to experience this drink one more time. You automatically fail your CON save when you drink Special Brew, and any time you receive any effect that wasn't this one, you feel you must declare "That wasn't it." If you do experience this effect a second time, it ends and you are no longer affected by it on subsequent experiences, permanently immune. (It wasn't as good as you remembered it.)
#Epiphany. For the next hour, you become convinced that none of this is real. You start to notice strange contrivances and irregularities in the world around you. Why are diagonals measured equivalent to cardinal directions? Why do concurrent events nonetheless occur in some kind of a turn order? How does combat ALWAYS find us even when we are avoiding it? You feel compelled to voice your realizations to anyone who will listen, ultimately theorizing that everything is occurring for the amusement of some other, outside entities. When the hour finishes, your character shouts something insulting to the DM by name and falls prone. Once the effect has worn off, you are convinced that all the things you were spouting are ridiculous and not worthy of any real consideration, all the result of something weird in that drink you had.
#ADHD Hyperfocus. If in combat with a group of enemies, DM rolls to decide which enemy the user will become fixated upon. User will only be able to attack that enemy until it is defeated
#Vertigo. Something in that drink has affected your sense of balance. For the next hour, you have Disadvantage on Dexterity checks and saves. Additionally, you cannot move two spaces in the same direction consecutively unless moving at half speed, affected by difficult terrain, swimming, or crawling. If this weaving causes you to collide with a wall or solid object, you take 1d4 bludgeoning damage the first time this occurs on this turn. Because your movements are difficult to predict, Opportunity Attacks made against you have Disadvantage for the duration.
#Drunken Professor. Your character begins a sermon on one of their interests. If the player can speak this sermon for 3 minutes without interrupting themselves or pausing, all creatures within earshot who can understand the character's language must succeed on a DC 15 Wisdom save or be put to sleep.
#Best Friend. Under this effect the character will attempt to take any hits (as a reaction) that are directed at a player selected by the DM. 
#Beer Run. Once the brew is consumed and there are no additional drinks remaining, the character will wish to continue drinking. Each turn, the character must ask the closest creature (enemy or ally) if they have something to drink in very slurred speech. Walking speed is doubled until the character is given a drink and consumes it.
#Relaxed muscles. Your drunken stupor causes you to become so relaxed, you are able to absorb any incoming blows without injury. You gain a temporary resistance to bludgeoning damage only.
#Step 9, Make Amends. Post combat, you must approach any and all dead or defeated enemies and make an apology to them for your actions while inebriated. Must be spoken by the player. If any defeated enemies are still conscious and can understand the character, they must succeed on a DC 18 Charisma saving throw. On a failed save, the defeated enemy forgives the character (not the party) and will not hold any grudges against them. 
#Do it Do it Do it. Any persuasion checks made against you have advantage.
#You shit your pants. No mechanical effect. You just shit your pants.
#For the next hour, you can see any invisible creature if you have line of sight to it.
#You cast confusion centered on yourself.
#You teleport up to 30 feet to an unoccupied space chosen by the DM.
#Your next attack that hits is a critical hit.
#For the next hour your eyes glow, producing dim light in a 5 foot radius.
#You get so drunk you loop back around to sober. For the next hour you can't use any skills provided by the Drunken Master subclass.
#A pink elephant controlled by the DM appears within 30 feet of you, then disappears one minute later.
#For the next hour, you must shout when you speak.
#You gain resistance to all damage for the next hour.
#You cast Haste on yourself.
#The elevator version of "Girl from Ipanema" plays for the next hour, seemingly out of nowhere. Everyone within 30 feet of you can hear it.
#Your INT score is reduced to 1 for one hour.
#You immediately take three levels of exhaustion.
#You grow a beard. If you have a beard, it falls out. At the end of your next long rest, your facial hair returns to normal.
#For the next hour, you are immune to the frightened condition.
#For one hour you can use Open Hand Technique from Way of the Open Hand.
#For one hour you can use Radiant Sun Bolt from Way of the Sun Soul.
#For one hour you can use Breath of the Dragon from Way of the Ascendant Dragon.
#For one hour you can use Hand of Healing from Way of Mercy.
#For one hour you can use Arms of the Astral Self from Way of the Astral Self.
#For the next hour you gain proficiency with martial weapons and the benefits of the Dual Wielder feat.