Ninja Turtles

Ninja Turtles (NES) is the tenth episode of The Irate Gamer Show.
The long list of doublethink commited by The Irate Gamer can be seen here
==Summary==
Chris successfully e-begs for views and high ratings. Chris Bores claims to be a ninja turtles fan but can't identify characters from the show. Co-op apparently makes a game worth playing. Chris manages to finally become certified and fails to review a game the involves the use of 2 buttons. Chris writes a letter to AVGN saying he has plagarized him and will continue to do so. Chris continues to fail to understand how NES game programming works and what graphics are. After audience has had enough, the audience hires Chris's evolutionary sucessor to try and kill him donkey kong style! Today's your turn in the barrel Chris Bores!
==High Detail plot summary==
The standard Irate Gamer intro is used, as well as a short sequence in which the audience is told to "Rate This Video. Support the Show" allowing the audience to remember that they have interactive equipment that they can use to click on the stars (the current youtube rating system) to objectively rate the show. It should be noted that with the new system of likes and dislikes the average Irate Gamer episode has its ratings disabled and comment section locked. This sequence is thus shown as a reminder to the audience that active thinking people will not be tolerated.
thumb|right|335 px|Chris Bores demonstrates his high value of knowledge in both gaming and ninja turtles. It is unfortunate that the intellectual community refuses to accept him.
Chris Bores starts by stating that Ninja Turtles the arcade game “Became an instant classic when released back in the 1980s” not stating the specific year as 1989 since that would take effort and he's not good with dates. Chris Bores than says “The graphics were cool, the levels were fun as hell, and the icing on the cake was that you could play with three other people could play at the same time. This was the coolest feature in the entire game!” demonstrating that Chris Bores has not played gauntlet or any other four player game. It should be noted that Chris Bores has no one to play with so it is likely that Chris sees each extra controller slot as a free life which he can exploit to get farther than the first screen of the game (where he dies in most games). “This game is everything a Turtles fan could ask for” even though it wasn't as Turtles in Time was the best game as voted by Fans a group which Chris Bores naturally pretends to be apart of. Chris Bores, who generally loses lives faster than politicans lose reputation, naturally states “The only bad thing I can say is that you die a little too quickly” demonstrating his disdain for not having a life or being able to get them in game. The turtle Chris is playing dies and he states “Ahh the infamous shell shock. Who could forget that sound?” even though that shell shock is not an iconic sound and even the fans didn't like it since the words coincedentally fit symptom of major stress brought on by warfare. Chris then states that he likes dying (which should be natural for him given that he needs a game genie constantly and an emulator to beat the game) and says “See, even dying in this game was cool!”. Chris then lies stating that “Hell, if every game was like this one. I’d be out of a job!” since he has reviewed good games such as Aladdin, Zombies Ate my neighbours, Tekken and Batalion Wars all which he said sucked despite critical Acclaim.
Again this is most likely due to the hallocinogenic drugs which are implied to be administered before the episode begins. Chris states “A few months later, they decided to release a Ninja Turtles game for the Nintendo System” demonstrating that Chris Bores hates Wikipedia as he had previously stated that the website was "a horrible source for information". Wikipedia states that the N.E.S. Ninja Turtles game was released well before the arcade game and that the NES is not called the Nintendo system (as it is missing the word for E to complete the acryonym). Chris Bores most likely already knew this and decided to lie. Chris starts playing Ninja Turtles on the NES but true to his well establish gaming ability, is ran over and killed by a steamroller within 5 seconds of gameplay. Chris remarks that this should be a new record but does not explicitly state that he has beaten his currently held record of a gameover within 0 seconds of attempting to be a gamer. Chris continues to reassert his award-winning record by stating that the overhead view that is in a good portion of NES games is wierd.  Chris also notes that there is no four-player option which is a given since its not the arcade game in any way shape or form. Chris most likely confuses the top-down game for the arcade game since it makes challenging Chris's failure record even more difficult for the aspiring loser. Chris then cements his award-winning record by stating that the player can pause  and “You can switch out any of the Turtles by pressing the Select button” when this is done in game using the start button like in 90% of the games he's played "for over 20 years" and knows the "ins and outs" of. Chris's record for failure has never been beaten and may explain why episode releases have slowed to a near yearly schedule since Chris's record is too strong and he has little need to defend it.
Chris walks his turtle into the enemies until he dies. Chris states that Leonardo and Donatello are the best characters in the game and that if they should die (which given the Irate Gamer, is a high statistical probability) that the player should give up like he does and turn off the console. Chris begins having a spasm and starts pressing every button the NES controller (even though that's the last thing a good player should do, but this is likely intentional on Chris's part). Chris dies again to the audiences dull surprise and calmly states “Fuck, I hate this game…” and gives the middle finger to his TV.
The TV does not accept his challenge. Chris mentions that there are several bosses such as the pig and the rhino and demonstrates that he is a fan of the ninja turtles by failing to name the characters as Bebop and Rocksteady. Irate Gamer notes that Rocksteady can be defeated by jumping onto the boxes at the right most of stage and using Donatello to hit from the box. Chris does not note that mentioning this glitch is unoriginal as his review continues to follow the format of The Angry Video Game Nerd's review. Irate Gamer wrote an apology letter to AVGN that said the ripoff was unintentional and that he will continue to use AVGN material.
The show then cuts to the rooftops level where Chris has his character jump into a pit and states “Reminds me of this rooftop bullshit. Jump from the wrong place, and you go falling to the ground" demonstrating that Chris Bores understands the concept of gravity.  Chris tries several times, the first two times he attempts to jump at the bottom of the pit and falls. Regardless of Chris's effort, he always hits rock bottom. Chris uses save states here as his turtle is always the same one and the scores and life bar do not change. Deciding that he has deviated too far from AVGN material, Chris states “What the fuck is up with the enemy selection in this game? Eyeball plants, rocket-pack flyers, guys on fire” mimicing AVGN and putting the show right back on track. Chris states that the same developer who designed the enemies also designed the levels and to help the mentally impaired, puts a spotlight over a pizza powerup nearby a set of moving spikes. Chris states that the hard to reach pizza is “a bunch of assburgers with a side of fries.” Reaffirming that he is under the effects of marjuana as he didn't need that powerup and he is constantly hungry. The effects of THC are further pronounced in his further statements on the Dam level where he “guarantees that anyone that’s played this level has probably been scarred from trying to beat this nightmare of a level” even though that level was incrediably easy as the player can just switch turtles. He then complains “Now if you’re just allowed to disarm the bombs it wouldn’t be a problem. But instead, they decided to make it much more challenging.” which shows the hallucinogenic nature of the drug since games are supposed to be challenging and a straight linear level where the player just touchs bombs would be a very bad level. It should also be noted that Chris has already shown levels that take place after the Dam stage so its clear that Chris has beaten this level or cheated past it. He makes it to the section where AVGN comments that AVGN could navigate safely but he has to hurry and naturally Chris Makes the same remark using the exact same screen. It should be noted that Chris shows a very poor gaming ability here as he constantly touches the electric seaweed instead of the safe spot. A montage occurs where Chris dies repeated due to his poor gaming skill compounded by drug abuse and says “What a piece of cowabunga shee-it!” and destroys the game.
Chris Bores states “Now, I’m not sure if the backlash of this game was overwhelming or what” demonstrating his continued hatred for wikipedia as the intellectual comunity and wikipedia both agree that the game sold 4 million copies and was critically acclaimed. Chris says that the arcade game NES port fared no better and that it was taken from “video game greatness” and puts the NES game cartridge into the NES but forgets to push the cartridge in. He starts the game and says  “Another huge let-down. What the hell is this? This is the arcade game? What a pixilated nightmare.” demonstrating that he believes a NES is an arcade machine. “Flashy intro, GONE! Cool graphics, GONE! 4-Player mode, GONE! Oh come on that was the best feature!” demonstrating that Chris Bores knows nothing about the NES since it cannot handle 4 players (as too many sprites would cause flickering) and there isn't enough controller ports or graphics hardware to handle an intro or graphics. It should be noted that the gameplay is relatively intact but the irate is more easily entertained by moving colors and noises. Chris then says “Where do they get off calling this the Arcade game?” further frustrating the audience who just wants him to talk about the NES game. Chris calls the game a poorman's version of the arcade game, which is not really an insult given that the game is supposed to be a port of the game that would otherwise cost 4 digits worth of currency to purchase for home use. Irate gamer notes that “Your turtle can only punch, kick, and dropkick.” and not perform an area killing special move by pressing A and B together. During this sequence, Irate Gamer's character is seen killing all enemies in one hit, a wink to attentive audiences that Irate Gamer is cheating yet again. Chris then says “After you die, that’s it Game Over.” even though the player has 3 lives and they can afford to die 3 times. Chris Bores complains about the pizza hut ads since they remind him that he is hungry and too poor to afford good food. Chris says that it must be because the ninja turtles eat pizza missing out on the obvious fact that the NES game came with a pizza hut coupon. The audience attempts to note that Chris claims to be a fan of the ninja turtles but stops short having already grown tired and complacent.
Chris notes the extra levels in the game saying “Well la-dee-fucking-da, these levels suck! Adding them was thumb|right|335 px|The average amount of pain the audience is expected to endure during any Irate Gamer Show episodepointless and stupid.” without explaining why thus cementing the fact that Chris hates NES game because it does not have good graphics and instead has good gameplay. Chris believes that the games wimpy graphics makes it a lesser being worthy of his consumption, especially since pizza hut ads have made him hungrier than usual. Chris notes that in one of the extra levels “In one level, the New York Zoo magically freezes over”, demonstrating that not only is Chris not a gamer or a ninja turtles fan, but he hasn't watched the Tv show at all. In a bit of obligatory Family Guy humor Irate gamers states “At the end you fight a polar bear that looks like a cross between Joe Camel and Spuds MacKenzie” which look nothing alike. Chris most likely made this joke because Chris liked the Spud Mackenzie joke in family guy. Irate Gamer decides that he hasn't proven he's not a gamer so he says "“Now I would have gladly done without these extra levels if they just used the extra space to make the game closer to the Arcade version.” knowing well that the NES can't handle hi-res sprites. Since the game looks wimpy Chris says  "this game sucks, it’s boring and it’s stupid!” even though he is the epitome of both those adjectives. Chris destroys the game after failing to get past the first screen of the game and destroys the game using electric current.
Chris then starts playing Ninja Turtles 3: the Manhattan project with of course, the game genie since Chris does not lose lives when he switches turtles. But Chris throws the game away and says its sucks because it doesn't have 16-bit graphics. Chris decides that he has pissed on his audience for long enough and plays ninja turtles 4 which he likes despite its lack of four player support since "with a game this good that’s something I’ll gladly overlook.” demonstrating Irate Gamer's excellent professionalism that is on par with IGN, Gamespot and EGM. The Audience decides that they've had enough hypocrisy and stupidity for one day and hire Donkey Kong to try and kill Irate Gamer. It should be noted that Donkey Kong demonstrates more intelligence and tactful thinking than Chris does making Donkey Kong a powerful villian. It is unknown if Irate Gamer survived the encounter with Donkey Kong but it is likely that Donkey refused to kill Chris due to Donkey's refusal to kill beings that are more primitive than Donkey Kong is. It is also possible that Donkey Kong was happy to meet Chris since he bashed Super Mario Bros 2, the game of his evil zookeeper who had locked him up. This outcome is unlikely as the plot of the Irate Gamer Show is not coherent.
==External links==
*Ninja Turtles at The Internet Movie Database
==Video==
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Category:The Irate Gamer episodes
Category:The Irate Gamer season 1 episodes