Critter Comfort/Transcript

The following is a transcript for the episode "Critter Comfort".
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(The camera moves and we see many different creatures.)
Branch: And next on our safari, we come to Misty Meadows. (It is revealed that Poppy and her friends are on a safari.)
Poppy, Cooper, Satin and Chenille: Ooh!
DJ Suki: Whoa!
Branch: Here, you’ll witness the forest’s broad diversity. On our right, you’ll see a pair of Striped Dopplings. (His friends exclaim and coo.)
Chenille: (As she and her friends start taking pictures) Good. Show me your wild side.
Satin: Now do it like you’re keeping a secret. (The Doppling shows its muscles.) Powerful. Keep it real, but be silly. (The creature sticks out its tongue.) Now ferocious. You’re an animal! (The creature charges.) Wait, wait, wait. Sorry. This isn’t working.
Chenille: Yeah, stripes are out, man. (The Doppling snaps its fingers and leaves. Another one barks like a dog. DJ Suki uses a microphone.)
Poppy: What’s that for, DJ?
DJ Suki: Sampling sounds for an experimental album I’m working on. (She turns on her radio and animal sounds play. The rest of her friends groan. Then she turns off her radio.) Eh, it’s a work in progress!
Branch: Looks like our Doppling has found some purfles, a rare delicacy exclusive to Misty Meadows.
Guy Diamond: Delicacy? Exclusive? (He moans and eats a purfle.)
Branch: Guy, did you just eat one? I told you we’re not supposed to disrupt the habitat. Plus, they cause massive indigestion.
Guy Diamond: Branch. (scoffs) I swear, I didn’t eat- (His stomach grumbles. Then he farts and chuckles. His stomach grumbles again and he farts again and again.) Glitter farts-my greatest gift… (He farts once more.) … and my greatest curse.
Poppy: Come on, guys. We promised Branch that we would keep our hands to ourselves.
Branch: Yes, that’s right. ‘Cause when we interfere with nature we know nothing about, we risk stabilizing it. (The safari bug stops.) Understood?
Cooper: Kitties! (We see some Swampkins meowing. All the Trolls except Branch gasp and use their hair to form hearts.)
Guy Diamond: Must pet them! (He and his friends get off the bug and gasp because they see that their home is a wreck.) They’re living in squalor.
Satin: It’s so sad.
Chenille: Dorable.
DJ Suki: We got to give them a good home, don’t we, Poppy?
Poppy: Well…
Branch: Poppy, no. My wilderness guide is very clear. (He opens the book.) This is where the Swampkins belong. We have to leave them alone.
Poppy: Leave them alone? (She sees some flies surround a Swampkin. She gasps and sees another clinging to her leg. Then she whimpers.) Gah! I don’t care what the guide says! I won’t stand by while Swampkins starve in a muddy pit like Branch wants them to!
Branch: I never said-
Poppy: I vow, from this day forward, they’ll have a good home, our home! Everyone, grab some to take back to your pods. (Her friends cheer and go to pick them up.)
Guy Diamond: Aw, I can feel my heart bubbling inside me. (He does another glitter fart.) Nope, not my heart. (At her pod, Poppy pours the Swampkins a bowl of milk. Then they go to drink it.)
Poppy: Aw! So cute.
Branch: Horrifying. Poppy, you’re toying with forces of nature you can’t possibly understand. Do you even realize the ramifications of your actions?
Poppy: Not really. Why don’t you tell me?
Branch: Well, this thing isn’t super organized, but trust me, it’s a long list of eco-disasters.
Poppy: Such as?
Branch: Do you- I- But- (grumbles) You’re so annoying. (He leaves Poppy’s pod.)
Poppy: You know you like it. (A Swampkin clings at her leg.) Aw. I’ve got to scrapbook this. (Another Swampkin clings to her second leg.) Careful there. Don’t want to step on you cuties. (More of the Swampkins cling to her.) Whoop. (grunts) Oh. OK. (The rest of the Swampkins cling to her.) Getting… (grunts) … kind of hard to walk here. Just trying to chronicle… cuteness! (She falls over and the books on the shelf fall, causing the Swampkins to run away. Poppy gets up with messy hair.) OK, fine, no scrapbooking. Ah, you little heart-melters. (The Swampkins meow and she chuckles.) You know, after a while, that cute meow starts to sound kind of shrill. (She covers her ears, but the Swampkins continue to meow.) What? Do you want water? (She gives a bowl of water.) A ball? (She gives a ball.) A scratch? A bathroom? Wardrobe change? (growls) What?! What do you want?! That’s it! You are going for a walk till this is out of your system! (Later, she is dragging the Swampkins with her hair.) Well? (grunts and pants) You guys worn out yet? (She gets very tired and pulls her hair, causing her to fall over.) No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! (She gets dragged off. That night, she is struggling to go to sleep because the Swampkins are meowing. She angrily screams and the creatures fall off her bed.) What am I doing wrong?! How is everyone making this work except me?
Satin: Poppy! (Poppy runs to the window to see her friends with a huge group of Swampkins.)
Chenille: The Swampkins must go back.
Poppy: (sighs) But, guys, we can’t send them back to that swamp. I vowed to give them a good home, remember? Unless… (The next morning, Branch is bird-watching with Gary.)
Branch: You know, Gary, whenever Poppy does something that drives me nuts, nothing calms me down quite like bird watching. There’s one now. I’m watching you, bird.
Poppy: (offscreen) OK, little ones.
Branch: Huh?
Poppy: Who’s ready to see their new home? (Branch puts his binoculars away.)
Branch: Poppy, what are you doing?
Poppy: Oh, hey, Branch. How are you? Feeling open-minded?
Branch: Not especially, no.
Poppy: Uh, well, then you probably don’t want to hear how we moved the Swampkins out of Troll Village.
Branch: Oh! That’s great. About time.
Poppy: And gave their habitat a makeover.
Branch: You what?! (He sees the Swampkins’ dirty swamp.) Oh, well at least it doesn’t look like you changed much.
Poppy: No, it doesn’t. ‘Cause that’s the “before” picture. (The picture opens up and reveals a tropical paradise with rainbow palm trees, an island, a pool, and floaties.)
Branch: You didn’t! (The Swampkins run to the paradise, jump onto the floaties, and Guy Diamond gives them sunglasses. Satin and Chenille cook food for the creatures.) Poppy, this is a catastrophe! The guide says-
Poppy: I already know what the guide says, Branch, that I interfered with nature again. But so what? All the Swampkins are doing great. (She sees them in the hot tub with Cooper who gasps for air. A Grossum grabs Poppy’s dress.) And look! Even some of their neighbors came by to play. (More Grossums appear in the bushes.) Hey, little guys, aren’t you so cute? (The Grossums snarl. Poppy and Branch whimper as they back up.)
Branch: Those are Grossums. They prey on Swampkins. (He reads the guide.) “Grossums have bad eyesight, so Swampkins stay safe blending in with their muddy habitats.” Unless an overzealous, pink-haired Troll decides to shine a giant light on them despite her wise and handsome friend’s repeated warnings!
Poppy: YOU’RE SO ANNOYING!
Branch: YOU KNOW YOU LIKE IT! (The Grossums snarl and he and Poppy scream and run away.)
Poppy: Flee, Swamkins! Flee! (Guy Diamond uses his hair to make a bridge for her and Branch to cross. The Grossums stop, sniff, and snarl.) Look! They don’t like the lazy river. Ha!
Branch: “Fact-Grossums can’t swim, so the Swampkins build moats for protection.”
Poppy: The Swampkins are saved! (She laughs at first, but when the Grossums jump onto the floaties, she starts crying and wailing.) Protect the Swampkins! Form a hair-icade! (She and her friends use their hair to form a shield.) Ha! Nice work, gang! They’re retreating!
Branch: Yeah! Or they’re doing their buzz saw attack. (The Grossums spin their tails.) I’m guessing the latter!
Poppy: Ah!
DJ Suki: Guys, if we all die, I just want to say… could you scream into the microphone for my album? (Poppy screams as the shield is about to be broken.)
Poppy: Okay, Branch, I admit it. I got us into this by interfering with nature. But is there anything in your guide that can help us get out of this mess? (Branch does not answer.) Hello?
Branch: Oh. Sorry. It’s so rare you admit you’re wrong.
Poppy: Branch!
Branch: Right, OK. Um… (gasps) Yes! It says Grossums can be tamed by music!
Poppy: (gasps) Perfect! DJ, drop a beat! (DJ Suki starts playing a steel drum. The Grossums stop spinning their tails and watch as the hair shield disappears. Then they chitter.)
(Poppy)
Don’t you know that it feels real good
When you let your anger out
Like you should?
Just sing and shout
And dance it out
Don’t let all of that frustration
Get in the way of good vibrations
Just sing and shout
And dance it out (The Grossums snarl.)
Poppy: Uh, they don’t seem to like the island sound. Does it say what kind of music they like?
Branch: Hmm. On this, the guide is silent.
Poppy: Fantastic. Okay, guys, this is gonna take a little trial and error. Watch me for the changes and try to keep up. (She plays an electric guitar.)
(Poppy)
When you want to just crush someone
Instead shake your bodies
And have some fun
Yeah, twist and shout
Go on and dance it out
Branch: (Appearing with a banjo) Let me try.
(Branch)
Yeah, you want to kill,
Oh, yeah, you want to maim
Wanna know what? I feel just the same
A good hoedown
So just dance it out
Satin and Chenille: (Taking Branch away with their hair) We got this.
(Satin and Chenille)
Just throw your hands in the air
Wave ‘em like you don’t care
When you get that funny feeling
Like impending warfare
Just hit the ground
And dance it out
Guy Diamond: Ooh! My turn. (Light blue glitter gets on the screen.)
(Guy Diamond)
Ooh-ooh-whee
I feel it deep inside my body, eh, eh
Body, eh, eh
Ooh-ooh-whee
DJ, go on, play that music loud
So I can dance it out
(Cooper)
Don’t you know that it feels real good
When you let your anger out
Like you should?
Just sing and shout
And dance it out
Don’t let all that frustration
Get in the way of good vibrations
Just sing and shout
And dance it out
Dance it out!
Cooper: (laughs) Okay, they want to kill me. Zydeco music just whips them into a bloodthirsty frenzy. And I don’t blame you, Grossums! (laughs) So twangy. (A Grossum chomps at a Swampkin. Luckily, Poppy saves it.)
Poppy: It’s now or never! We have to do something!
Branch: Do what? We’ve practically tried every kind of music there is.
Poppy: (gasps) Not every kind. DJ, hit me with that sweet cacophony! (DJ Suki turns on her animal sounds. The Grossums dance to it.) Ha ha! It’s working! Crank it up! (DJ Suki makes her radio fly and the Grossums follow it.) Think they’ll find their way back?
Branch: Doubt it. Like the guide said, bad eyesight. (Later, the Swampkins’ home is back to normal.) Well, we put it back to normal.
Satin: Yeah, but they’re still looking at us like the sun has died and it’s our fault. What gives?
Chenille: Maybe that’s their happy face?
All: Uh…
Satin: Maybe.
Poppy: (sighs) I don’t know. Sometimes I don’t get Mother Nature at all, which is when it’s better to leave her alone. (A Swampkin purrs at a duck.)
All: Aw.
Poppy: And that’s when something really adorable can happen. (The Swampkin eats the duck and she and her friends scream in terror.)
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