The Muppets Go Hollywood/transcript

==Intro==
 	
 	A scene from the beginning of The Muppet Movie is played, in which Kermit meets an agent who tells him he could make millions of people happy.
 	Fade to an opening montage of aerial shots of Hollywood, followed by a crowd of paparazzi and fans outside the Cocoanut Grove.
Gary (VO)	Ladies and gentlemen, this is Hollywood, California. And this is the historic Cocoanut Grove. No place on earth more completely symbolizes the glitter and glamor of the entertainment world. And here tonight, history will be made again, for a party is being held to celebrate the meteoric rise of one small frog — a frog who started life in a common swamp and went on to become the world's only green superstar in his first motion picture, The Muppet Movie. The celebrities of the world are gathering here, drawn as if by magnets to this stupendous event, for tonight, we will see the unimaginable! Ladies and gentlemen … The Muppets Go Hollywood!
 	
 	Pan over to a marquee with the title. Another montage plays of celebrities walking down the red carpet, including Candice Bergen and Vincent Price, over an instrumental of "Hooray for Hollywood". Cut to the main guest stars as they are announced, followed by more stars on the red carpet.
Gary (VO)	The Muppets Go Hollywood, with guest stars Dick Van Dyke, and Rita Moreno. Special guest star, Johnny Mathis, with Peter Matz and his orchestra. A host of Hollywood's greatest stars … and yours truly, Gary Owens.
 	The montage ends with another aerial shot of the Grove, followed by the title.
 	
==The Red Carpet==
 	Zoom out on the marquee with the title.
Gary (VO) 	Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Dick Van Dyke!
 	Applause. Dick stands on the red carpet.
 	
Dick 	Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome again to the world famous Cocoanut Grove in Hollywood. Tonight may well be the social event of the season, as the Muppets go Hollywood. Certainly this is the first party in history ever hosted by a frog. I'll be acting as your tour guide along tonight, with a very very lovely and talented friend …
 	Switch to Rita amongst a Bossmen and a Gawky Bird, greeting a passing Jim Henson.
Dick 	… who, even now, is upstairs at the celebrity lounge just outside the ballroom. Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Rita Moreno.
Rita 	Thank you, Dick. Here, in this very lounge, we're going to be chatting with some of Hollywood's most glittering celebrities. It's bound to be a night of elegance, dignity, culture —
 	
Sweetums 	Pardon me!
 	He shoves her. Fletcher Bird follows him. Back to Dick.
Dick 	There seems to be some excitement over there. Let's go and see what's happening.
Gary (VO) 	Ladies and gentlemen, the Muppets are beginning to arrive! It's Statler and Waldorf!
 	The old geezers pull up in an antique town car.
Waldorf 	Is this the place for the Muppet party?
Dick 	You bet!
 	They look at each other, then address the driver.
Statler & Waldorf	Drive on!
 	The car drives away, leaving Dick confused.
Gary (VO) 	And here comes Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem!
 	They pull up in a black stretch limo.
Dick 	Hey, guys, pull over here.
Floyd 	No, we're going up the block. It's cheaper to park. (laughs)
 	They drive away. Animal hangs out of the trunk. Another town car pulls up and gets lots of attention.
Gary (VO) 	Well, here she is, ladies and gentlemen, the superstar these fans have been waiting for — Hollywood's greatest glamor queen — Miss Piggy!
 	
Miss Piggy 	Kissy-kissy! Kissy-kissy! Yes, kissy-kissy! Yes! Oh! Thank you! Kissy-kissy! Kissy — oh, Riçhard, hello, dear! Kiss? Kiss?
Dick 	Mmmmwah!
 	Cut to Rita.
Rita 	Well, I don't have to introduce this lady, do I? Cheryl Ladd. Cheryl, my husband has a request …
Cheryl 	Uh-oh.
Rita 	… your phone number and your home address.
Cheryl 	(laughs) I had a feeling it was something like that.
Rita 	You think I'm kidding?
Cheryl 	You're a terrible person. (laughs)
Rita 	You think I'm kidding? It's a —
 	Cheryl shrieks, then sees Animal behind her and walks away.
Cheryl 	I've had it! I'm getting out of here. (laughs)
Rita 	Animal! Animal — (grabs his nose) Listen — that is enough. Stop chasing women!
Gary (VO) 	Here come the last of our guests. The very talented, and very late, Dom Deluise! Graceful, as always. Carl Reiner, looking very confused. The very adorable Mel Brooks, with his lovely and talented wife, Anne Bancroft.
 	Switch back to Rita, now with Liberace.
Rita 	Well, one of the master showmen of them all, of course, Liberace. How are you?
Liberace 	I'm just fine. I'm so happy to see you and be a part of this exciting evening.
 	Meanwhile, Animal chases after three women. Liberace giggles at this sight.
Rita 	Who's your favorite character in The Muppet Show?
Liberace 	Well, I think Rowlf, 'cause he plays the piano. Yes.
Rita 	Good for you. And you're going to see him playing some piano tonight.
Liberace 	Oh, he's my competition.
Rita 	You better watch out.
Liberace 	He plays like a dog, but I love him.
Rita 	(laughs) And on that note, we'll go back to you, Dick.
==Kermit and Fozzie arrive==
 	Switch back to Dick.
Dick 	Thank you, Rita. Well, ladies and gentlemen, the guests for tonight's party are all here, which is more than you can say for the host.
Gary 	Ladies and gentlemen, Kermit the Frog! … Here he comes now!
 	Applause as Kermit and Fozzie pull up in a black Studebaker. Fozzie rams into the car in front of him. A chauffeur lets them out, and they walk down the red carpet.
 	
Bystander	Hey, look — it's really Kermit the Frog! — And look who's with him! Uh — uh — what's his name, uh, the — dog that plays the piano?
Fozzie 	No, no, no, I'm what's his name, the bear who tells the jokes.
Kermit 	Uh, okay, let's go, Fozzie.
Fozzie 	Yes, sir. I'll be glad to. Hey, wait, hold it, hold it — (stops)
Kermit 	What?
 	
Fozzie 	Uh, hey, folks — I just love the movies. Yesterday I saw a movie so bad, the popcorn walked out!
 	The crowd boos. Fozzie facepalms.
Fozzie 	Just — just think of me as the dog who plays piano.
 	Kermit walks up to Dick.
Dick 	And so, ladies and gentlemen, with the arrival of our host, the party can begin.
Kermit 	Uh, well, I-I'm ready, Dick.
Dick 	You know, Kermit, I think you should explain just why you're holding this party.
Kermit 	Oh, I don't know, uh, we - we finally arrived in Hollywood, so I thought it'd be nice to uh, have a little party.
 	
Dick 	Little? Little? In all my years in Hollywood, I have never seen anything like this! I mean, the glamor, and the excitement!
Kermit 	Oh, I was afraid of that. I guess we went overboard, huh?
Dick 	What — no, no, I think it's terrific.
Kermit 	Well, I mean, after all, I'm just a frog, and I — I don't want it to look like I'm putting on airs. I - I'd better get inside, there.
Dick 	Yes, good, I'll see you in there, Kermit.
Kermit 	Uh, you know, I thought we should have held this in a bowling alley. It's more informal. Let's go, Fozzie!
Fozzie 	Hoo boy — you people have to trust me! When I tell a joke, you laugh! I'll explain them later! Hi, Dick, how are ya?
Dick 	Hi, Foz! (chuckles) Now it's time to get the party started. Rita's already gone into the ballroom, so we'll pass things over to her. Rita, take it away.''
=="Hooray for Hollywood"==
 	Switch to the ballroom, with candid shots of stars sitting at tables.
 	
Rita 	I am here, Dick. And it is absolutely breathtaking. The entire interior of the Cocoanut Grove has been remodeled for this very evening. And of course, like a platinum setting for a fine piece of jewelry, all of this exists to set off the real jewels of this evening: the beautiful, talented stars here tonight.
 	
Statler	Well, they say this is a very "in" party.
Waldorf	Why do they say that?
Statler	Because they won't let us out!
 	They chuckle. A drumroll sounds, and Kermit appears at a podium. Applause.
 	
Kermit 	Uh, good evening! Good evening! Uh, thank you very much, uh, ladies and gentlemen, uh, friends, celebrities, and relatives. Uh, yes, thank you. … And welcome to the Muppet party. Uh, we think we're gonna have a really great one, and we're gonna to start things off — and I do hope we get it right — we're gonna start things off with the Muppet monsters!
 	
 	The podium is wheeled away. The Muppet Monsters (consisting of Sweetums, Doglion, Timmy Monster, Mean Mama, and The Mutations) sing and dance in a production number of "Hooray for Hollywood".
==The party / Miss Piggy's interview==
 	
 	Guests dance on the dance floor as "He's the Greatest Dancer" plays. Sam the Eagle makes his way through the crowd, looks around, and facepalms. As other stars sit at tables, Animal bites another woman. Switch to Rita interviewing Robert Stack.
 	
Rita 	Bob, I just overheard you saying something about Miss Piggy's inaccessibility. What was that?
Robert Stack	I'm a little hurt, because I'm her biggest fan, and I think she has more latent sex than anyone since Jean Harlow, and I think the least she can do for all of us who love her, is to show up once in awhile and make it.
Rita 	Well, Robert, as a matter of fact, the woman is inaccessible. I mean, you know where I had to go to interview her? Yesterday, I had to go poolside at the hotel …
 	Fade to a hotel pool. Piggy relaxes in a chaise lounge wearing a towel, dictating to an assistant.
Miss Piggy 	So, uh, let's just end this by saying, um, "we must have lunch sometime" …
Rita (VO) 	M— Miss Piggy, excuse me? Miss Piggy?
Miss Piggy 	Oh! Oh, Rita, dear. I'm just trying to catch up on my correspondence. I have been trés, trés busy. Uh — we shall do that later, Madeline.
Madeline 	Uh, yes, Miss Piggy, do you just want to finish this one?
Miss Piggy 	Uh, yes, um, let's see — "have lunch sometime", uh, "Best to Rosalyn and Amy, kissy-kissy", etcetera etcetera.
Concierge 	(offscreen) Call for Miss Piggy.
 	
Miss Piggy 	Oh, uh — Madeline, I should just take the important calls. I must chat with Rita.
Madeline 	Yes, Miss Piggy. (leaves)
Rita (VO) 	Aww, that's really awfully nice of you, Miss Piggy. I know how busy you must be.
Madeline 	Excuse me — um, it's from Sinatra.
Miss Piggy 	Oh! Oh, no. Well, tell him I am busy.
Madeline 	Yes, Miss Piggy. (leaves)
Miss Piggy 	(to Rita) He wants to do an album with me, and I just do not have the time.
Rita (VO) 	Wow. Do you know what I would do to make an album with Sinatra?
Miss Piggy 	I think so. Now, uh, what shall we talk about?
 	
Scooter 	Excuse me, Miss Piggy, I need some more dimes for the phone.
Miss Piggy 	Uh, Scooter, heh-heh, I'm busy. Forget the phone, just run along, heh.
Scooter 	But I just got up to Sinatra.
Miss Piggy 	Uh, Scooter —
Scooter 	And there's still Robert Redford and Paul Newman left on your list.
Miss Piggy 	Will you cool it?
Scooter 	Yeah, but if I don't get back to the phone, someone else'll use it.
Miss Piggy 	SHUT UP!!
 	Scooter runs away. Piggy poses for the camera.
==Dick and Sam==
 	Switch back to the party. Dick finds Sam at a table, holding a book.
Dick 	Sam, what do you think of the party?
Sam the Eagle	Well, it is disgusting. Nothing but a bunch of shallow, superficial, depraved people.
Dick 	Well, if you feel that way, why are you here?
Sam the Eagle	(discreetly) To observe their weird behavior.
Dick 	Oh, I see, and you're taking notes, too.
Sam the Eagle	(holds back his book) — Uh, ye-yes, I may publish an exposé.
Dick 	May I see them?
Sam the Eagle	Uh, no, no, it's uh, private, sir.
 	
 	Dick grabs the book and looks through it.
Sam the Eagle	No, no, please — no, no —
Dick 	Oh, come on, Sam, I'm not going to tell anybody — just let me have a look … Rudy Vallee. Gary Owens. Wait a minute, these are aut — you're collecting autographs!
Sam the Eagle	Have you seen Walter Pidgeon? He's my favorite.
Dick 	No, I don't think Walter's here tonight. Would you like to have my autograph? (reaches for a pen)
Sam the Eagle	Maybe. Who are you?
 	Dick hands the book back to Sam.
==The kitchen==
 	Switch to Kermit at a table. Fozzie approaches him.
Fozzie 	Hey, Kermit, Kermit, Kermit — hey, Scooter wants to see you in the kitchen real bad.
Kermit 	Oh. Okay.
 	Kermit makes his way to the kitchen, while Fozzie stays behind and eats Kermit's banana.
Kermit 	Scooter? Scooter? Oh, hi, guys.
Scooter	Oh, boss!
Kermit 	What's the trouble?
Scooter	I don't think it was such a good idea having the Swedish Chef serve meatballs.
Kermit 	How come?
 	
Scooter	Well, look at the way he's serving 'em!
Kermit 	(gasp)
 	The Chef bats them with a tennis racket.
==Chinese Theater==
 	Peter Matz and His Orchestra play "How High the Moon." Rita dances with Floyd.
Rita 	Hey, uh, Floyd, tell me something. How would, you say that you guys have adjusted to life in Hollywood?
 	
Floyd 	Ha ha — oh, fear not, my sweet flower. The Muppets are happily harbored in Hollywood. I mean, we dig the beat of Beverly Hills, and the soul of Santa Monica. We groove with Gardena, swing with Cienega, and satisfactionate with Sepulveda. Ours is an amorosity with the City of Angels.
Rita 	Uh — does that mean you like it here?
Floyd 	Ummm - it's okay, mama.
Rita 	(laughs) Oh, you're such a smooth talker, Floyd.
Floyd 	(laughs)
 	Zoot plays a solo on the saxophone as Liberace watches. Meanwhile, Statler and Waldorf see a woman in a green dress walk by.
Statler & Waldorf	Hubba hubba!
 	The band finishes playing. Applause. Dick sits with Phyllis Diller.
 	
Dick 	Phyllis, weren't you actually one of the first women to do a stand-up nightclub act?
Phyllis 	I — I guess maybe I was.
Dick 	I've always done comedy, but I've never done a standup act in my life.
Phyllis 	Well, I saw you work alone once.
Dick 	I was about like Fozzie. You know, I interviewed him — the other day, I found him standing on Hollywood Boulevard …
 	Fade to the Chinese Theater. Fozzie grunts, while carrying a cement bag.
Dick 	(cont'd) … in front of the world famous Chinese Theater, where some of the greatest Hollywood comedians have their footprints in the cement here.
Fozzie 	(grunts)
Dick 	Hello, Fozzie!
Fozzie 	Oh! Uh, hi, Dick.
Dick 	What's in the bag?
 	
Fozzie 	Uh — uh, bag? What bag? Oh! Uh, heh … (grunts) … lunch. Yeah, lunch.
Dick 	Fozzie, that's Quik-Mix cement.
Fozzie 	Uh … oh, so it is. Heh. (sets it down) I thought it was a bit heavy for my peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
Dick 	Fozzie, you weren't — ?
Fozzie 	(facepalms) Oh! Dick, I was! I'm sorry. I know it's crazy, but you see, my dream is — is to be here, with all the Hollywood comedian greats, you know, have my paw print right here with them, like, like — with Abbot and Costello! And uh, the Marx Brothers, and uh, oh, look, the Ritz Brothers! Oh. Oh, boy. If only I could be recognized any time.
Stranger 	Wait a minute. Don't I know you?
Fozzie 	What?
Stranger 	No, don't tell me — don't tell me. You're the bear. Are you?
Fozzie 	Yeah!
 	
Stranger 	Oh, this is fantastic! You're terrific. You're just great!
Dick 	Excuse me. Do you know this bear?
Stranger 	Know him? I've been a fan of this guy's for years!
Fozzie 	Yeah, a fan! Haha!
Stranger 	This guy's a big influence on me.
Fozzie 	Yeah!
Stranger 	I just wanna tell you, because of you …
Fozzie 	Yeah?
Stranger 	… I am one guy who will never start a forest fire. Thanks a lot.
 	He shakes hands with Fozzie and departs. Fozzie facepalms and sighs.
=="Baby Face"==
 	Back to the Grove.
Statler 	This is positively the last Hollywood party I'll ever go to!
Waldorf 	Oh yeah? What about Raquel Welch's party tomorrow night?
Statler 	What time do you want me to pick you up? (laughs)
Waldorf 	(laughs) I didn't think you were …
 	A drumroll sounds.
 	
Gary 	Ladies and gentlemen, never in the history of the Cocoanut Grove, has there ever been an event like this. The newest of Hollywood's sex symbols is here with us tonight. May I present, the most beautiful pig in the world — Miss Piggy!
 	Miss Piggy arrives on a chaise carried by four bronzed bodybuilders, to the strains of "The Most Beautiful Girl in the World".
 	
Miss Piggy	Kissy-kissy! Kissy-kissy! Yes, I love you all. Aww. Yes, thank you.
 	
 	They set her down, and she proceeds to sing "Baby Face" backed by the pigs.
Miss Piggy	Kissy-kissy! Thank you, thank you. All right, meat, let's move it!
 	The strongmen carry her away.
=="Never Before, Never Again"==
 	Rowlf plays a piano vamp.
Rowlf 	Good evening. My name is Rowlf, and I'm the dog who plays the piano.
 	Applause.
Rowlf 	Thank you. Thank you. And it is my great pleasure to introduce to you one of the world's greatest recording stars and entertainers, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Johnny Mathis!
 	Applause as Johnny comes out and takes the mic.
Johnny 	Thank you, Rowlf. Thank you very much.
 	
Rowlf 	Oh, you're welcome. Hey, listen, I'm gonna play a little song here, which you're gonna sing. And uh, would you like to tell the audience a little bit about it?
Johnny 	All right. It comes at a very poignant moment in The Muppet Movie…
Rowlf 	Mm-hm.
Johnny 	… where Miss Piggy first sets eyes on Kermit …
Rowlf 	Right.
Johnny 	… falls in love … and she sings, "Never Before and Never Again". (the audience laughs)
Rowlf 	Shall we begin?
Johnny 	Let's do it.
 	
 	Rowlf plays, and Johnny sings "Never Before, Never Again", accompanied by clips from the movie. Kermit and Piggy sit at a table, watching. Piggy gives Kermit a few soft kissy-kissys. The song ends. Applause.
Rowlf 	All right. Hey, that was nice. Great.
Waldorf	Waiter!
Statler	Oh, waiter?
Waldorf	Waiter?
Statler	Waiter! … Uh, waiter?
Waldorf	Waiter?
Statler	Aw, he'll never come over.
Waldorf	Well, you can't get a waiter around here. If that waiter doesn't come by, I'm gonna give him the evil eye.
Statler	Oh, do it! Do it!
Waldorf	Give him the evil eye?
Statler	Yes!
Waldorf	Okay, here goes.
 	
 	Waldorf gives the "evil eye", and the waiter trips and falls. They laugh.
Statler	Works every time!
Waldorf	Works every time.
==Clips from The Muppet Movie==
 	Rita sits at a table with Piggy.
Rita 	Miss Piggy?
Miss Piggy	Oh, yes?
Rita 	I cannot wait to see you in that Muppet movie.
Miss Piggy	Oh, thank you, Rita, dear. But you don't have to wait!
Rita 	I don't?
Miss Piggy	No. I am going to show a film clip right now of one of my favorite scenes.
 	
Kermit 	Uh, excuse me, Miss Piggy, uh, but we can't show any film, 'cause we're just here to have a party.
Miss Piggy	Kermie, dearest —
Kermit 	Yeah?
Miss Piggy	— it is a very tender, moving moment.
Kermit 	Yeah, but uh …
Miss Piggy	So shut up and watch! Ahem. Roll film.
 	A clip is shown, in which a sarcastic waiter (Steve Martin) serves Kermit and Piggy at a restaurant. An excerpt of "Movin' Right Along" is then shown.
==Small talk / "Can You Picture That"==
 	The guests dance to slow music in the ballroom. Dick sits at Kermit and Piggy's table.
Miss Piggy	Hello! Yes, good to see you, too. Mwah! Mwah!
Dick 	Miss Piggy, where are you staying in Hollywood? Here at the Ambassador's? The Bel-Air? Beverly Wilshire?
Miss Piggy	Uh, well, um… Hello! Hello —
Kermit 	Uh, we're, we're all at the Bide-a-Wee Motor Court, Dick.
Miss Piggy	Kermit!
 	
Dick 	The Bide-a-Wee Motor Court?
Kermit 	Yeah, it's in downtown San Pedro.
Miss Piggy	Uh — it's trés distingue, Ricardo. An emerging chic, if you know what I mean. Uh, I am in the presidential suite.
Kermit 	Oh, Piggy, you are not. No. You see, we stay there because they give us a good rate, and besides, we have to be somewhere that allows livestock. (giggles)
Dick 	(laughs)
 	Piggy laughs along with them, then karate-chops them both.
 	
 	On stage, Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem perform "Can You Picture That", minus the third verse.
=="Boogie Motion"==
 	As "Boogie Motion" plays, Piggy dances and poses for pictures with Raquel Welch, Cheryl Ladd and Twiggy. Meanwhile, Janice dances with Levar Burton. Piggy is then seen dancing with Charles Durning. Christopher Reeve approaches them.
 	
Miss Piggy	Oh, Christopher, not now, please! Bug off!
 	Christopher walks away. Other Muppets are seen dancing, including Floyd, Gonzo, Link, Animal and Fozzie. Rita asks to dance with Fozzie, but he turns her down. Rita instead dances with Kermit, but Fozzie pops up in between them. Piggy dances wildly with Christopher. Meanwhile, Statler and Waldorf are still at their table.
Waldorf 	Anybody you know here?
Statler 	(looks around) … Nah.
Waldorf 	Ehh.
Statler 	(looks around) … Anybody famous?
Waldorf 	(shakes head) Mm-mm.
Statler 	Nope. Nope.
Waldorf 	Nope.
 	The dancing continues. Fade to black.
=="You Ought to Be in Pictures"==
 	As couples slow-dance, Dick talks to Piggy.
Dick 	Miss Piggy?
Miss Piggy	Yes?
Dick 	(raises wineglass) Here's to you.
 	
Miss Piggy	Oh, Riçhard, how sweet.
Dick 	You know, you really are my kind of a woman.
Miss Piggy	Oh, silly boy, I'm everyone's kind of woman. (sigh)
Dick 	You know, there's just something about you — you really belong in this town. I mean —
You ought to be in pictures.
Miss Piggy	Oh? Moi?
Dick 	You're wonderful to see.
Miss Piggy	Oh, Riçhard…
Dick 	You ought to be in pictures.
Miss Piggy	Yes?
Dick 	Ah, what a hit you would be.
Miss Piggy	Yes!
Dick 	Your voice would thrill a nation.
Miss Piggy	Ohh — (hits high note)
Dick 	Your face would be adored.
Miss Piggy	Yes.
Dick 	You'd make a great sensation.
Miss Piggy	Really?
Dick 	With fame and wealth your reward.
Miss Piggy	Ooh!
Dick 	Would you care to dance, Miss Piggy?
Miss Piggy	Oh, I'd love to.
Dick 	Oh, I'd be thrilled.
 	They get up and dance.
Miss Piggy	Oh, what a gentleman.
Dick 	Oh, you're a wonderful dancer, Miss Piggy.
Miss Piggy	Yes, I know.
Dick 	And you look so divine tonight. You know, you really should be in pictures.
 	
 	Fade to a brief montage of photos of Piggy in various outfits, including Cleopatra, Lady Liberty and Fay Wray. Back on the dance floor, Dick swings and twirls Piggy.
Dick 	You ought to be in pictures.
Miss Piggy	Awww.
Dick 	You're wonderful to see.
Miss Piggy	Oh, Riçhard…
I ought to be in pictures.
Dick 	My star …
Miss Piggy	Your star?
Dick 	My star …
Miss Piggy	Oh, Riçhard…
Dick 	My star …
Both 	Of song!
 	She showers him with kissy-kissys. He laughs, then kisses her on the snout.
=="The Rainbow Connection"==
 	Rita sits at her table, when a feisty Animal passes her.
Rita 	Animal, Animal, wait, wait — wait a minute. Listen to me. You must stop chasing after all these women.
Animal	Women …
Rita 	Yes, women!
Animal	(looks at her) … WOMAN!! (starts ravaging her)
 	
Rita 	Wait a minute! Don't you touch me, you savage! (shrieks)
Animal	Woman! Aahh!
 	Meanwhile, Dick sits at another table and talks to Jim Henson.
Dick 	Jim, although you are — primarily the man behind this, it seems that most of the guests here tonight seem to know you personally. Have most of them been on The Muppet Show?
 	
Jim 	Well, yes, we've had 72 guest stars so far. We've done three seasons of The Muppet Show so far.
Dick 	You know, in the small piece of the — of the picture we saw a little earlier, Jim, I was impressed with the music. The score seems beautiful.
Jim 	Yeah, that was Paul Williams and Kenny Ascher. They did a gorgeous soundtrack for it.
 	Fade to a scene of Paul and Kenny in a recording studio by a piano. Kenny plays the opening strains of "The Rainbow Connection".
Paul 	You know, when Kenny and I started writing songs for The Muppet Movie … we talked about one other movie that we both loved. That movie was Pinocchio. And if you remember, at the beginning of Pinocchio, Jiminy Cricket sang a beautiful song … "When You Wish Upon a Star". And it — it really set the mood for the whole picture. We love Kermit the Frog just like everybody else does, so we wanted to write something very — very special for Kermit.
 	
Kenny 	The next thing was coming up with a title. And we had a bit of a hard time. Uh, we kept coming up with titles that almost fit what we wanted to say, until a friend of yours, uh …
Paul 	— helped us out a little, really. We'd written almost the whole song. But we didn't have that payoff line which we knew would be the title. And uh, we were frustrated, frankly. And a lady that I know very well, said, uh, "What's the problem? You're — you're having difficulty finding that — that 'rainbow' connection between, uh, people and their dreams?" And we said, "a rainbow connection — " we raced into the — into the, uh, studio, and wrote this song. For Kermit.
 	Paul and Kenny play and sing the song, which fades into the clip from the movie.
=="I, Yi, Yi, Yi, Yi"==
Waldorf	Hey. When do you think's a good time to leave this party?
Statler	About an hour ago.
 	They laugh.
Waldorf	"An hour ago"!
Statler	"An hour ago"!
 	Switch to Dick.
 	
Dick 	We're sitting at Peter Falk's table, uh, for a moment. Peter, can you imagine what this place must have been like in the thirties?
Peter 	No, I can't. Uh, I don't have the vaguest idea. (laughs) I guess it must've been like it is today.
Dick 	Are you interested in that, uh — hi, Foz.
Fozzie 	Hey, listen, guys! How's the food, Peter?
Peter 	Oh, well, that's what you should've asked me about — the food. You know, the food was terrific —
Fozzie 	Terrific!
Peter 	Yeah.
Fozzie 	You're looking great. Dick, keep it up. I gotta go. (leaves)
Dick 	That's nice, Foz. The reception is going beautifully. (laughs) Well, the reason I asked that is that Rita Moreno has a special musical number coming up. I think it's the type of production number they probably did, you know, back when the Cocoanut Grove was the swingin'est place in Hollywood.
 	A drumroll sounds.
Gary 	Ladies and gentlemen, miss Rita Moreno!
 	
 	Rita does a Carmen Miranda dance routine while singing "I, Yi, Yi, Yi, Yi (I Like You Very Much)", backed (and mistreated) by The Mutations.
 	Applause.
Rita 	Will you join all of us, in a CONGA LINE?
 	The orchestra begins playing, and Rita leads the entire party in a conga line, which heads out the door.
==Closing==
 	Much later, the entire Grove is deserted, except for the Muppets, Rita and Dick. Rowlf sits at the piano and plays.
Dick 	Well, Kermit, the party's over.
Kermit 	Yep. You know, it'd still be in full swing if it weren't for that conga line.
Dick 	It's hard to stop a conga line. They were still going strong when we left 'em.
Rita 	Yeah, I figure by tomorrow morning they'll be halfway to Tijuana.
Kermit 	Well, anyway, I'd like to thank you two for helping us host the party.
 	Rita and Dick get up to leave.
Dick 	Oh, it was our pleasure.
 	
Rita 	We loved it! Good night, gorgeous.
Miss Piggy 	Oh, Rita, dear.
Kermit 	Uh. Good night, now.
Dick 	Miss Piggy, the thrill of a lifetime. (kisses her hand)
Miss Piggy 	Oh, Ricardo, thank you. Oh, how sweet. Kermie …
Kermit 	Yeah.
Miss Piggy 	Oh, what a wonderful evening this has been.
Kermit 	Hmm. You know, it's kind of amazing. Just a little while ago, this whole room was filled with Hollywood's most important, talented, glittering, brilliant, beautiful people.
Miss Piggy 	Mm-hm, it's nice to have spent an evening with my equals.
Kermit 	Uh —
Gonzo 	Kermit, are we really stars?
Kermit 	Well, close enough.
 	Rowlf plays a gentle vamp.
Rowlf 	
Hooray for Hollywood.
That happy, scrappy, zappy Hollywood.
Fozzie 	Where every funny bear …
Kermit 	Or eager frog …
Scooter 	Or thing …
Rowlf 	Or dog …
Floyd 	… are stars livin' high on the hog …
Gonzo 	Where every chicken sets cameras clickin' …
Swedish Chef	(sings in mock Swedish)
Muppets 	
Hooray for Hollywood.
Where you're terrific even if you're good.
Miss Piggy 	
Where any humble pig with grace and glamor
Can make them clamor…
Kermit 	And everyone loves a ham.
 	
Muppets 	
Now that we all came west,
We're going to try our best.
Hooray for Hollywood.
Miss Piggy 	Well. Oh, Kermie, my love, it's been a wonderful evening. Thank you.
Kermit 	Oh, well, uh, you're welcome, Miss Piggy. Uh, now, guys, uh, let's get this place cleaned up, huh?
Miss Piggy 	What?
Kermit 	Oh, well, sure, you see, they said we could save money if we cleaned up after the party ourselves.
Miss Piggy 	WHAT??
Kermit 	Sure. Now, why don't you mop, Miss Piggy.
Miss Piggy 	MOP??
 	The Muppets disperse.
Kermit 	Yeah. Fozzie, you can pick up the — the tables over there …
Miss Piggy 	MOP??
Kermit 	Okay, Floyd, dust up the place, alright?
Miss Piggy 	Mop?? Are you out of your mind??
Gonzo 	What about me?
 	The credits roll.
Kermit 	Well, you don't have to uh …
Miss Piggy 	Moi, mop? Are you crazy?
Kermit 	Well, I mean, uh, listen …
Miss Piggy 	I'm a superstar!
Kermit 	… yeah, but uh, well, it doesn't hurt you to do a little bit of cleaning once in awhile.
Miss Piggy 	Hurt? I'll show you hurt, fella!
Kermit 	Will you guys clean up that place already?
Miss Piggy 	Clean up?? My Rolls is waiting!
Kermit 	I'll wash and you dry …
 	
 	The Muppets clean up as the credits continue. Gonzo holds a trash can lid open as Fozzie empties a wastebasket.
Fozzie 	Boy, Gonzo. I just love being a star.
 	Gonzo closes the lid and the screen goes black.
 	
__NOWYSIWYG__
Category:Transcripts