Radio Killed the Video Star/Transcript

This is a transcribed copy of "Radio Killed the Video Star". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
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[We open with an exterior shot of the Hazbin Hotel before cutting to inside with Charlie pacing back and forth in panic mode. Keekee was in the shot, walking alongside her owner.]
Charlie: Okay. So, the extermination is coming in six months instead of a year! No big deal, just a little setback. Nothing we can't handle. Just angels cutting our timetable in half, but who needs a whole year to save souls, am I right?! [Starts to panic.] And next time when they cut the time in half again, and again, we'll just handle it, right?!
[Vaggie grabs Charlie, calming her down.]
Vaggie: Yes. We will.
Angel Dust: Oh, please, ya had less then half a chance when you started all this salvation bullshit. And now… (phone vibrates with violent threating messages such as "fucking bitch") Ain't no silver lining this time, toots.
Charlie: Sure there is! We just...have to look a little harder for it!
Angel Dust: Well, while you're lookin', the rest'a hell's goin' nuts. [Angel waves his phone in their faces.] People are already freakin' out about the news. Look at what's happenin' in the Doomsday District.
[He scrolls down an article with the bottom showing a demon screaming in front of a fire. Suddenly a pink message appears. Charlie gets closer to read it.]
Charlie: Err, what is a... "donkey show"?
[Angel panics and retreats the phone back.]
Angel Dust: Aah, heh, nothin'. My boss, Val, is just freaked out about the news too. Like I said, everyone's losin' their shit.
Vaggie: Yeah, that's true. Sinners are desperate. Maybe desperate enough to try anything to escape the extermination?
Charlie: (Gasps) This is the perfect time to recruit more sinners for the hotel!
Angel Dust: Cute idea and all, but you really gonna go out in all of this? [waves the phone with the place still on fire and demons in panic.]
Charlie: Well, it's not like people are just gonna show up on our doorstep -
[Suddenly, a massive explosion made Charlie scream in fight from behind, getting their attention. They turn to see a freshly made hole in the wall, then cuts to outside to see Sir Pentious zeppelin armed for battle. The scene cuts inside to see him and his Egg Boiz scattering around.]
Sir Pentious: Show yourself Alasssstor! Come and face -
[Pentious pauses for a moment when he notices Alastor absent from the freshly made hole. He then looks to see him sipping coffee on the balcony of the second floor.]
Sir Pentious: Oh, there you are. Face my wrath!
Alastor: Who are you?
Sir Pentious: Who am I? Who am I?! I am the great Ssssssir Pentiousssss!
[Alastor dissolves into fog as he descends to the ground, materializing aside Angel, Vaggie, and Charlie who are in the scene watching Sir Pentious's zeppelin.]
Sir Pentious: Inventor, architect of dessstruction, villain extraordinaire!
Egg Bois: Ooh! You tell 'em, boss!
[Niffty appears on Alastor's right shoulder, clearly starstruck.]
Niffty: Ooooooh, he's a bad boy~
[Alastor scoops Niffty up and drops her to the ground.]
Alastor: Ha, well if all that's true, you'd think I'd have heard of you.
Sir Pentious: I attacked you literally last week.
[Alastor cocks his head.]
Sir Pentious: We've done battle, like... 20 times?
Alastor: Well, you must have been really bad at this.
Sir Pentious: Silence! Now cower! For when I've ssslain you, the almighty Vees will finally acknowledge me as their equal.
[Niffty reappears on Alastor's shoulder.]
Niffty: Ooh! Wait, who are the Vees?
Alastor: Oh, nobody important.
----[Cut to the Vees' headquarters. A large crowd is in front of a store as they watch an advertisement on the tvs facing the window showing off a spy drone.]
Ad: New VoxTek designer voyeur scopes. Peeping on the neighbors has never been more stylish. VoxTek! Trust us with your money! 
[Crowd immediately enters the store and stampedes out with boxes with voyeur scopes. then cuts to random people watching their computers laptops and phones, and reveals their eyes signifying the work of hypnosis.]
Ad: This week's episode of "Yeah, I Fucked Your Sister, So What?" is brought to you by VoxTek. Trust us with your entertainment! 
[Shifts to tapping fingers as we enter a large room with tvs showing off numerous consumers as "trust us" repeats and overlaps. electricity courses as Vox stands up from his chair laughing maniacally from his viewer's consumerism.]
Vox: Muhahaha! Now that's good television!
[Suddenly his screen-face shifts to reveal an icon of Velvette, another one of them Vees, signifying she's calling, with a clown horn ringtone. Vox courses the call from his screen to his hands his hand via his electric powers and transfers it to one of his many screens to reveal Velvette in her studio, her hair into a large ponytail. Vox then sits down on his chair.]
Vox: Hello there, Velvette! How are you this hellish morning?
Velvette: Oh, cut the shit, Vox. I need you up here now!
[Vox looks to one of his screens as he gets his coffee cup and drinks from it.]
Vox: Whatever could be the problem, my dear?
Velvette: Your little boy toy is wrecking my department, while I'm trying to pull together a show and- 
[off-screen we see several workers running and screaming, and objects being tossed, as Valentino is heard cussing.]
Valentino: (In Background) THAT FUCKING BITCH!
Velvette: Just get your ass here, NOW! ...Damn it, Valentino!
[The call ends, and Vox's smile fades away as he gets up sighing, fixing up his bowtie.]
Vox: 'Oh god. Here I go, Valentino.' Just another fucking day with Val. Hey-hey-hey. Fuck my life.
[Vox then walks up to a platform, which rises up.]
----[Cut to an elevator with a smiling Vox with the world bubble saying "trust us!", before opening to reveal a frowning Vox in the same position, sighing, and then putting on a smile for a crowd of reporters that overlap one another before pointing their microphones to him.]
Reporter: Mr. Vox! What are your thoughts about the new extermination deadline?
Vox: My dear people! We at VoxTek Enterprises have always been at the forefront of innovation. And now, with this new oncoming threat, we are shifting our focus, to your protection. We are pleased to announce-
[The screen zooms to him and an ad featuring the VoxTek logo, now gold and with angelic wings, with the tagline reading-]
Vox: VoxTek Angelic Security is coming soon! Trust us, with YOUR safety.
[Vox uses his left eye to hypnotize the crowd the same way as his consumers.]
Manager: Uh sir, when did we begin working on Angelic Security?
Vox: Thirty seconds ago. [walks off] Try to get that bitch Carmilla on the books and cancel all my appointments today. I have a fire to put out upstairs.
[He then morphs his body into electricity and generates itself into the security camera on the wall.]
----[Cutting to Velvette's studio. The staff cleans everything up as she looks to four designers holding up dresses to show her]
Velvette: Ugh. No. Unacceptable. You're fired. What is this? WRIST RUFFLES?! Is this 1750?! BURN IT like the witches who wore it!
[As she sends the designer away, Vox appears next to her]
Vox: Velvette! I can see you're busy. Tell me, where's our hot-headed friend now?
Velvette: Up in his tower, waiting for a flat-faced prince to calm him down!
Vox: (sighs) And uh, what's got him so out of sorts today?
Velvette: Who knows? But he tore up my best model! And you know, the show can't wait for that unlucky bitch to pull herself back together! Melissa! Get over here!
[Melissa nervously runs onto the platform, and Velvette uses her overlord powers to change her outfit by swiping her hand, one after another until she spots the one  she wants.]
Velvette: No. No. Hideous. I want to die. Eww. (gasp) Yes! That's the one.
Vox: Ahh, looks like you have everything under control here.
Velvette: Of course, I do! Fuck you! (flips him off) Now shoo! Take care of the piss baby!
[Vox goes upstairs and is greeted by two moth demons who open the door for him. Once he enters. he finds Valentino sitting on his couch surrounded by a fog of red smoke. When Val notices Vox, he sits up with fury in his eyes]
Valentino: Fucking FINALLY! [throws drink] Kitty! Another drink!
[The Robo Fizz next to him nods as it quickly heads off screen and re-appears with the drink.]
Valentino: Ugh! Can you believe what that piece of shit did? THE UNGRATEFUL WHORE!!!
[As he speaks, he tosses the drink at Vox, who moves away making the drink, hits the door, and shatters on the floor.]
Vox: Uh, which whore are we talking about this time?
Valentino: *gets up* Fucking Angel Dust! [walks up to him] Who the hell else would I be talking about?! *walks past him* That fucking SLUT walked out on me! [turns to Vox] ME! I fucking made him! *Vox walks a little way away* Without me, he's just a bag of meat with some mildly entertaining holes.
Vox: Oh! Angel quit?
Valentino: NO! He didn't fucking quit! It's worse! [takes Vox's phone] He MOVED!!!
[As he says that, he tosses Vox's phone to the wall making it shatter in half.]
Valentino: He thinks he can just walk in here, work, and then go home somewhere else? Can you FUCKING believe that?! *walks to closet* He thinks he can run off and shack up with Lucifer's bimbo daughter!
Vox: Angel is... living with Lucifer's daughter?
Valentino: YEAH! That BITCH Chuckie or Chandler, or I dunno- Something mannish like that, she's got this hotel and—
[As he speaks, he opens the closet full of guns, drugs, and pictures including a poster of himself. Valentino brings up two long pistol guns: a long revolver and a semi-pistol.]
Valentino: [in a more relaxed tone] Which of these makes me look sexier? *turns to closet*
Vox: Heh. What are you doing, Val? You're not going over there.
[As he speaks, his left eye changes to show his simmering anger, but Valentino is busy loading his guns.]
Valentino: That slippery twink is gonna remember who owns him. I'm gonna FUCK everyone in that rancid shit hole, I swear to god!
[Before he finishes, Vox grabs him by the collar and shoves him to his face, clearly furious.]
Vox: *distorted* VAL. *calms down* Hehe. Think about it.
[Vox then walks Valentino towards the window, taking away one of his guns and putting it in his pocket.]
Vox: Our brand is perfection. And what do you think chasing whores around town will do for our image?
Valentino: Um.....fuck it up?
[a stereotypical 'winning' ding is played] 
Vox: Right! Do you want people thinking you can't control your employees?
Valentino: No!
Vox: Exactly! And hey, you still have him under contract. He isn't going anywhere! Sooo...you should...
Valentino: Do nothing?
[a sound like winning at a casino is played] 
Vox: Great idea! Now that's why they pay you the *pinches cheek* big bucks.
Valentino: Ugh, but I really wanted to shoot someone!
[As he speaks, Valentino gets a cigarette holder, and Vox lights it with his electricity powers.]
Vox: Well, lemme call up the lowest earners this month. *walks to TVs*
Valentino: Ohh, you know me too well. *chuckles and blows smoke* Ya know.... Angel isn't the only one spending time at this ratty hotel with the devil's princesa.
Vox: Oh, who else is there? Someone who owes you money?
Valentino: *Chuckles* Someone who owes us much more than money... The Radio Demon is there.
[Upon hearing those words, electricity courses through Vox's head, and he scratches the desk so hard it leaves scratch marks. Vox made small ominous chuckles before turning to Valentino, two red lines appear on the left side of his lower lip.]
Vox: (distorted) What did you just say?
Valentino: You heard me.
Vox: Alastor...*walks to him* came back...and he is with Lucifer's *glitches* daughter, and that wasn't the *grabs him by the collar* FIRST FUCKING THING YOU TOLD ME?!?!?!
Valentino: *frees himself from grip* Hey! killing Alastor is your kink.
[As he speaks, he walks to the desk and turns on the television. Vox teleports to the center screen, which is a recording from a VoxTek Voyeur scope high in the sky. The scene, from a drone point of view, showing Alastor using his powers to attack Sir Pentious zeppelin, laughing maniacally as he hears Pentious screaming.]
Sir Pentious: Arrgh! Oh! Please! Stop!
Charlie: Um...Alastor? I think he's had enough.
Angel Dust: Nah. He's got a few more hits in him.
[Sir Pentious falls from the zeppelin in front of Alastor, face first on the ground. Alastor twirls his staff.]
Alastor: Thanks for another forgettable experience.
[An Egg Boi falls and breaks into pieces in front of Charlie.]
Sir Pentious: Thank you... for letting your guard down!
[Using his tail, he grabs a bit of Alastor's suit.]
Sir Pentious: Aha! Yah! Oh, shit...
[Sir Pentious looks up to see Alastor's shadow transform in front of him and Alastor apparently makes an elk bugle. The next shot shows a massive green explosion as Sir Pentious is seen flying off to the city screaming as he disappears from sight.]
Alastor: Well, it looks as though I need a visit to the tailor! Best of luck, chums.
Vaggie: Wait, you're leaving?! Alastor! We need your help! We need you to do your job.
Angel Dust: (gestures to the hole on the wall) We need a wall.
Alastor: Of course! Can't let my new project fall into disrepair already. What would the papers say?!
[With a snap of his fingers, black ink demons appear with construction tools as Alastor walks away. Angel takes a interest and looks at one of the larger muscular demons, shoving Vaggie away as he walks up to him.]
Angel Dust: [Giggles.] Hey, sweet cheeks. Whatcha doin' later? I love me a man with a giant ...tool.
[The screen zooms out to reveal Valentino scowling at the current events, leaning his face against the screen.]
Valentino: See?! Look how he flirts with that guy, and he's not even paying! Who is that? I'm gonna fucking kill his whole fucking family! Vox? (slams his fist on the table) VOX!
[Vox was paying little attention, as his left pupil turns into a tilde as he eyes Alastor leaving, his appearance static and out of focus as the screen becomes a bit static.]
Vox: [glitches] That FUCKER is back!
[Valentino grins as he realizes the situation and walks to him.]
Valentino: Yeah, I thought he was gone for good too.
Vox: It's been seven years!
[Valentino leans up to him and pinches his cheek, Vox clearly pissed to care.]
Valentino: You still pissed that he almost beat you that time?
Vox: Uh, FUCK YOU.
Valentino: Just saying. *walks around him*
Vox: Things have changed a lot since he left town!
Valentino: That's for sure.
Vox: I gotta send a message of who's REALLY in charge of things now!
[Vox's face fills the screen as Valentino laughs in the background. The next shot shows Vox grinning as he marches to his chair.]
Vox: ♫ Welcome home! ♫
♫ I'm gonna make you wish that you stayed gone! ♫
[As Vox sings, electricity courses through his arm as he sits on his chair, and turns to face the numerous screens.]
Vox: ♫ Say hello to a new status quo, ♫
[Vox presses a big red button, and 4 cords latch themselves to the ports on the back of his head, connecting himself to his TV networks.]
Vox: ♫ Everyone knows that there's a brand-new dawn, turn the TV on! ♫
Director: Camera, speeds, rolling in three, two...
Chorus: ♫ Wel-come to the show! ♫
Vox: ♫ Top of the hour and we're discussing a certain has-been who has been spotted cavorting around town after a seven-year absence, ♫
♫ Did anybody miss him, did anybody notice? ♫
♫ More on tonight's program. ♫
♫ So, the Radio Demon is back in town! ♫
♫ Why is he hanging around? ♫
♫ What does that mean for your family? ♫
♫ Well, handily, I've got good news! ♫
♫ He's a loser, a fossil, and I don't mean to sound hostile, ♫
Vox & Chorus: ♫ But the demon is a coward! ♫
Vox: ♫ You can take that as gospel. ♫
♫ Pulling my viewers? Impossible! ♫
♫ I'm visual, he's barely audible! ♫
♫ Stop giving him the time of day! ♫
♫ Don't listen to a word he'd say. ♫
♫ I hope he had a nice vacay! ♫
Vox & Chorus: ♫ But he should have stayed away! ♫
[Cut to Alastor who had just finished getting his coat tailored. He notices the crowd watching the advertisement of Vox. He smiles and walks away with an idea. as Vox continues singing.]
Vox: ♫ While he hid in radio, we pivoted to video! [pulls out an uncooked bloodied deer head from an oven caked in blood] Now his medium is getting bloody rare! ♫
[In a hallway in V Tower, Vox jumps, twirls and then pulls Valentino and Velvette towards him]
♫ Hell's been better since he split, ♫
♫ Where's he been? ♫
♫ Who gives a shit?! ♫
[Cuts to Alastor making his reappearance, as he starts his radio broadcast from a radio station attached to the top corner of the Hazbin Hotel.]
Alastor: ♫ Salutations! ♫
♫ Good to be back on the air. ♫
♫ Yes, I know it's been a while since someone with style treated Hell to a broadcast. ♫
♫ Sinners rejoice! ♫
Vox: ♫ What a dated voice! ♫
Alastor: ♫ Instead of a clout chasing mediocre video podcast. ♫
Vox: COME ON!
Alastor: ♫ Is Vox insecure, pursuing allure? ♫
♫ Flitting between this fad and that. ♫
♫ Is nothing working? ♫
Vox: IGNORE HIS CHIRPING!
Alastor: ♫ Every day he's got a new format! ♫
Vox: YOU'RE LOOKING AT THE FUTURE!
Vox & Chorus: ♫ He's the shit that comes before that! ♫
Alastor: ♫ Is Vox as strong as he purports? ♫
♫ Or is it based on his support? ♫
♫ He'd be powerless without the other Vees! ♫
Vox: Oh, PLEASE.
Alastor: ♫ And here's the sugar on the cream. ♫
♫ He asked me to join his team! ♫
Vox: Hold on!
Alastor: ♫ I said no, and now he's pissy! That's the tea. ♫
[As Alastor continues with his radio broadcast, Vox gets so pissed that his screen face starts to glitch and crash as he gets angrier.]
Vox: [Glitches.] ♫ You oold timey PRICK! I'll show y-you suffering! ♫
Alastor: ♫ Uh oh, the TV is buffering! ♫
[Vox couldn't handle his anger, causing him to overload his circuits with static electricity.] 
Vox: [Signal breaking up.] ♫ I'LL DESTROY YOOOOU-YOU LIT-T-LE—♫
[Vox's screen face and voice overloads and crashes, before Vox involuntarily lets out an outburst that overloads everything from the TV screens to Valentino and Velvette's phone to everywhere in Pentagram City, causing a citywide blackout with the exception of the Hazbin Hotel.] 
Alastor: ♫ I'm afraid you've lost your signal. ♫
[the camera zooms in on the hotel, and then zooms into Alastor's radio station]
♫ Let's begin. ♫
[Alastor slowly turns into his true demon form with every sentence.]
♫ I'm gonna make you wish that I stayed gone! ♫
[Alastor puts down his staff for the first time in the series]
♫ Tune on in. ♫
♫ When I'm done, your status quo will know it's race is run! ♫
♫ Oh, this will be fun! ♫
[Alastor makes one last evil laugh before cutting off Vox's signal throughout the city, leaving the Overlord dismayed that Alastor is still as popular and powerful as he was last time.]
Vox: FUU-UU-UCK!
----
[The scene cuts to the emergency meeting with Vox, Velvette, and Valentino to discuss a matter with Alastor as a Robo Fizz, Kitty, pass out drinks to each of them.]
Vox: We have a problem. Alastor is getting close to little princess Morningstar, so our main concern now is ensuring that no deal is ever struck between Lucifer's *slams the table* BRAT and that smiling freak!
Velvette: Well, how exactly are we supposed to stop it?
[Valentino was putting so much glue on his revolver to decorate with glitter and marbles.]
Valentino: Put something inside them. That's how I get the bitches to behave.
Vox: Well, maybe someone on the inside isn't such a bad idea. Do you think Angel would?
Valentino: That lanky prick won't even return my calls.
Vox: We need someone who Little Miss Bleeding Heart would take in.
Velvette: Someone...pathetic, desperate, with no direct ties to us?
Valentino: I employ every down on their luck loser this side of Hell. Who the fuck is left?
Vox: [Scoffs.] I think, I have... JUST the one.
[As Vox slowly turns around, the sharks in the shark tank swim up to his shoulders, his right-hypnotic eye gleaming with a sinister grin for a plan he has in store.]
----
[Back at the hotel, Alastor's black and white demons are currently fixing the hole in the wall as Charlie and Vaggie returns. Charlie throws herself onto a couch, exhausted.]
Angel Dust: Soooo? How'd it go?
Vaggie: [Sighs.] Not a single new recruit.
Angel Dust:: Yeah well, who would wanna use their last days not fucking and fighting?
[As Angel checks his phone, Vaggie hears a knock on the front door. She walks over to it and opens the door, only to find Sir Pentious behind it, holding his hat.]
Sir Pentious: Why, hello my dear—
[Sir Pentious is cut off by Vaggie punching him in the face. He falls when Vaggie brought out her spear at him. Sir Pentious cowers in fear with the tip barely at his neck, and held a peace sign gesture.]
Sir Pentious: Wait, wait, wait! I come in peace. [the 's' sound in 'peace is drawn out, in mimicry of a snake]
Vaggie: What are you doing here?
[Charlie appears behind Vaggie.]
Charlie: Vaggie, what's the problem? [gasps] Oh! Hello again!
Sir Pentious: I didn't come looking for a fight. I uhh.. I heard that you're helping people, people who want to be better?
[Charlie lets out another gasp and runs over to grab his hand and lead him to the door of the hotel.]
Charlie: You heard right! Welcome to our home of healing, our resort of restoration, our-
[Angel Dust appears from the door and cuts off Charlie.]
Angel Dust: Are you fucking nuts? This chump was trying to kill us like literally 6 hours ago! And now you wanna bring him in here to live with us?
Charlie: Absolutely! This place is about second chances, and who deserves one more than this slithery… slippery… special little man!
Angel Dust: (To Vaggie) Aren't you supposed to protect this place?
[Charlie gives her puppy-dog eyes, begging Vaggie to give Sir Pentious a chance to live in the hotel. Vaggie gives in.]
Vaggie: *Sighs* I guess he's not much of a threat without the war machine, (Sir Pentious' cobra head lifts with anticipation) or even with the war machine. (Sir Pentious' cobra head flaps down with depression, sighing)
[Charlie was so happy that she hugs Vaggie, lifting her up in the process and twirling around once.]
Charlie: Oh! Thank you thank you thank you thank you! Sir Pentious! Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel!
[Charlie leads Sir Pentious to the door inside of the hotel.]
Sir Pentious: Oh no darling! Thank you! You won't regret this.
[Angel follows soon afterwards.]
Angel Dust: Eh, I give you a week, tops.
[Charlie gives Sir Pentious the tour of the hotel, introducing Husk to him, the wall he blow up before it was fixed.]
Charlie: So, this is the bar and the bartender. This is the curtain, and this is the new wall after you broke the last one, heh, and oh! Oh! This is the-
[Vaggie grabs Charlie to calm her down again.]
Vaggie: Babe, you don't have to show him every detail.
Charlie: Sorry, I'm just so excited to have our first real guest!
Angel Dust: Uh, what the hell am I then?
Charlie: Well, you're an important part of our family here Angel, but you uhm, uh…
Vaggie: Constantly make us look bad, sexually harass the staff, and have literally never once tried to improve?
Charlie: What she means is, it's just nice to have someone interested for once.
[As Charlie walks back to Sir Pentious, Angel Dust looks downtrodden, likely feeling sad about Vaggie's comments and Charlie's unintentional dismissal of him.]
[Niffty is seen playing playing with Keekee with a string when Charlie and Sir Pentious approach. Keekee hisses at the sight of Sir Pentious and scatters away while Niffty turns to meet him.]
Charlie: Over here we have our maid Niffty.
Niffty: *Gasps* The bad boy is back!
[Niffty gets up on Sir Pentious and holds his collars, looking at him with insanity in her red eye and a very sadistic smile, which creeps out Sir Pentious.]
Niffty: (creepy whisper) Never leave me again.
Charlie: We're about 80% sure she's harmless, and over here we have- (nearly bumps into Alastor) Oh! Uh, Alastor! Our gracious facility manager! You've met our newest guest Sir Pentious…hehe..
Alastor: Ah yes! You're the one who ruined my coat!
[Alastor's eyes glow red in the dark with a violent temptation to rip him a part.]
Alastor: *in a sinisterly tone* I definitely remember you now.
[Sir Pentious gulps nervously.]
Charlie: Well, I guess this is a great time for your first lesson! *Clears throat* "How to apologize!" The first step to becoming a better person is to admit when you are wrong, why don't you give it a try?
Sir Pentious: Yes..uhm.. Mr uhm.. Radio Demon sir, please forgive me for attacking you and ruining your very lovely coat.. uhm.. here.
[As a token of apology, Sir Pentious hands back the small fabric he tear from Alastor's coat. Alaster takes it and inspects the damage.]
Alastor: Ah-Ho! Not many people have been able to take even this much off me, it must have meant quite a lot to you.
[Despite being generous, Alastor spontaneously combusts the fabric tear into green flames, leaving Sir Pentious and Charlie stunned.]
[The scene cuts to a group gathering introducing Sir Pentious to the hotel.]
Charlie: Now, with a new resident, I think it's important we all get to know each other! So we are going to play a little game. Everyone, follow me. My name is Charlie *claps twice* I like to sing! *claps twice* and when we get to know each other it's the greatest thing! *claps twice*
Sir Pentious: My name's Sir Pentious *claps twice* I like to build *claps twice* and despite my stupid Egg Bois, I think I'm very skilled! *claps twice*
[When it was Angel's turn, he looked disinterested, looking up from his phone.]
Angel Dust: This is stupid.
Charlie: This- is not- stupid! *claps twice* It's just a game! *claps twice* Sir Pentious did it well so now please try to do the same! *claps twice*
Angel Dust: I am too sober for this.
Vaggie: Well, get used to it and learn how to play, this is gonna be your whole day! *claps twice*
[The next scene cuts to a act with Angel Dust wearing a trench coat and a hat as he reads a script. Sir Pentious is also acting as a innocent child wearing a sailor suit, licking a comically large lollipop.]
Angel Dust: "Oh, I'm a bad man on the streets who never got enough hugs, now, where's an innocent kid I can sell crack to?" Wow, who wrote this?
Charlie: It's great right? Keep going!
Angel Dust: "Hey you."
Sir Pentious: "Who, me?"
Angel Dust: "Yeah, you look like a kid who could use some… devil's dandruff??" Oh, for fuck's sake.
Sir Pentious: "Not me! I have to go home and study!"
Angel Dust: "Come on kid, it'll make you cool like me …the crackhead."
Sir Pentious: "The only cool thing here is to say no to drugs! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to not have sexual intercourse before marriage!"
[triumphant trumpet sting]
Charlie: *stands up and claps* Yes! Oh bravo! Bravo! *chuckles* wow Pentious! At this rate, you'll be redeemed in no time.
Angel Dust: I... I'm going to bed.
[As Angel heads back up to his room, he overhears Charlie congratulating Sir Pentious. Looking back at them, he looks sad.]
Charlie: I am so proud of you Sir Pentious! That was amazing!
Sir Pentious: Thank you! Thank you! You like me! You really like me!
----[In Angel's room, Fat Nuggets is asleep on his bed until Angel accidentally throws his coat on top of him. Fat Nuggets grunts and crawls out of the coat, as he watches Angel lie down on his bed. Angel glumly looks at his phone and sees all his voice mails from Valentino. Angel sighs and begins to play them. Valentino's voice mails switch back and forth between a friendly, apologetic tone and a barrage of screams threatening violence.]
Valentino (voice message):
Angel baby, come home! It's not the same without you here, I miss you! Come back-
ANGEL, YOU BITCH! IF YOU DON'T COME HOME, YOU'LL BE FUCKING GREASY TRUCKERS FOR THE NEXT YEAR-
Hey, amorcito, I didn't mean to yell, but you know how crazy you make me-
YOU FUCKING SLUT!
Hey, Angie! About earlier-
-KILL YOUR WHOLE FUCKIN' FAMILY!
Work's really stressful!
-LITTLE COCKSUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!
Valentino (disembodied voice): 
[dead serious] You actually think you can change? 
[red smoke appears from seemingly nowhere, and circles around Angel until Val stops talking, ending with the smoke clinging around his neck and chin like hands before fading away.] 
Addict trash like you doesn't change. I'll see you soon, baby.
[Angel sighs as Fat Nuggets gets on the bed next to him.]
Angel Dust: ...Sorry, not now, Fat Nuggets.
[Angel gets up and leaves his room with Fat Nuggets looking worried. Angel goes to Husk's bar, picks up a whole bottle, and starts drinking alcohol. Out of the corner of his eye, he notices something slithering away. He follows, finding Charlie's office door opened, and takes a peek inside. There, he discovers that Sir Pentious is setting up a small camera in one of the bookshelves, a camera that belong to Vox. Angel realizes what he's been doing and slams the door open.]
Angel Dust: You slippery little shit!
Sir Pentious: *yelps*
Angel Dust: You're working for the Vees? I fucking knew there was something shitty about you.
Sir Pentious: I don't know what you're talking about!…whore bug!
[Angel, sufficiently angered, tackles Sir Pentious on the ground. He punches him in the face before wrestling with him.]
Sir Pentious: Get your aggressively average body…OFF OF ME!
[Sir Pentious's eyes spiral hypnotic powers to him. Angel becomes momentarily hypnotized.]
Angel Dust: Fuck!
[Angel backs away. He then quickly snaps out of it. He now has Sir Pentious cornered. Right then, Charlie and Vaggie woke up after hearing the scuffle.]
Charlie: *Yawns* What's going on?
Angel Dust: This little bitch is a traitor!
Sir Pentious: Preposterous! I would never betray you. You... are my best friends!
[Sir Pentious hugs both girls.]
Angel Dust: Uh huh, then explain this!
[Angel lifts off one of the books to reveal a camera, much to Charlie's shock. Sir Pentious realizes that his cover is blown and scurries away. He brings out his wrist watch to make contact with Vox.]
Sir Pentious: Ah! Ah! Abort! Abort! S.O.S! Agent Pentious in need of immediate evacuation!
[Vox immediately picks up.]
Vox: Pentious? Wait… you were caught?!? It hasn't even been, a day!
Sir Pentious: Please! You've got to get me out of here!
Vox: I can't believe we thought you could handle even something this simple! Do us a favour, if they don't kill you, go ahead and do it yourself! You MISERABLE FAILURE!
Sir Pentious: [crying] I... I… just make it quick I guess…not that I deserve it.
[Sir Pentious lies on the ground, with Vaggie holding a spear ready to pierce the skull.]
Vaggie: Gladly.
[Right before Vaggie can put him out of misery, Charlie stops her, and starts singing "It Starts With Sorry" ]
Charlie: Wait! ...Pentious?
[charlie extends her hand towards Pentious]
♫ It starts with sorry, that's your foot in the door. ♫
♫ One simple sorry, spoken straight from your core. ♫
♫ The path to forgiveness, is a twisting trail of hearts! ♫
♫ But sorry is where it starts! ♫
Sir Pentious: ♫ Who could forgive a dirtbag like me? ♫
♫ I don't deserve your amnesty. ♫
[Angel walks into frame with dual Tommy submachine guns in both hands with Vaggie tailing behind, holding her spear.]
Angel Dust and Vaggie: ♫ Can't we just kill him? ♫
♫ Shoot him and spill his blood? ♫
Charlie: ♫ That's an option you could choose. ♫
Angel Dust and Vaggie: ♫ Works for us. ♫
Charlie: ♫ But who hasn't been in his shoes? It starts with sorry. ♫
Sir Pentious: ♫ Sorry. ♫
Charlie: ♫ Dig down deeper and say one sincere sorry! ♫
Sir Pentious: ♫ I'm so sorry! ♫
Charlie: ♫ And your journey's underway! ♫
Charlie and Sir Pentious: ♫ It'll take time to cover your/my vast multitude of sins ♫
♫ But sorry is where it begins. It starts with sorry. ♫
[As the song ends, Niffty is seen standing in the hallway in her bedwear, but is disappointed that Sir Pentious' song was bad, and that he is no longer a 'bad boy'.]
Niffty: I hated that song! Why are you so lame?!
[Niffty kicks him on of his tail 'eyes' and walks away.]
Niffty: Not a bad boy.
Charlie: *Happily sighs* Good first day! Let's get some rest!
[As Charlie and the others leave with a wrist watch communicator still left in the office, Alastor appears from the shadow of the dark hallway with a malevolent smile. He comes and picks up the watch before contacting Vox on the watch.]
Vox: WHAT?!?
[Vox pauses when he realizes that Alastor is the one calling him, showing fear in his screen face as Alastor laughs.]
Alastor: You'll have to try harder than that next time, ol' pal!
[Alastor crushes the watch with his bare hand as Vox incoherently rages at him as the watch becomes incapable of creating audio, before Alastor retreats back into the darkness, chuckling, as the episode ends.]
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Category:Transcripts
Category:Hazbin Hotel transcripts