Elon Tusk

Elon McCloppers Tusk was a South African entrepreneur and businessman, who had deep ties to the Glop Bulb. 
== Birth ==
Elon was born to his father and mother in 48 BB, at which point he was born. 
== Martian Controversy ==
By 4 BB, Elon had become the second richest man on Earth (eclipsed only by you-know-who). Using this fame and leverage, he purchased several major tech companies, such as Reddit, Paypal, Twitter, and, perhaps most joyous and splendorous of all, Glop Bulb Incorporated. Elon also innovated in other sectors, taking the reigns of the electric car company, 'Edison', and renaming it 'Tesla'. 
Elon had generated impressive profits for these companies. The failing shithole country known as the Martian Correlation, which could never compete with the grandeur of the Glop Bulb, saw Elon's success, and contacted him to discuss a contracting project. 
=== Discussiums ===
Martian Correlation Foreign Secretary Quandorium Brettsfeld IX, arranged a FaceTime with Elon. However, at the scheduled time, Elon informed him that he would unfortunately be unable to attend, due to a grand unveiling at Glop Bulb Inc. in Austin, Texas. 
The phone call was rescheduled, and Elon offered his condolences, citing that he could barely fit all of his responsibilities into his short 20-hour work days. Elon elaborated, explaining that the grandiosity of the Glop Bulb required his full attention for at least 12 hours per day, due to how wonderous and magnificent it was. 
Elon was, however, willing to entertain the offer of Secretary Quandorium Brettsfeld IX, who explained that the Martian people wanted to build a forcefield to protect against Combine orbital bombardment. In return, Secretary Quandorium Brettsfeld IX explained that the Martian Regnosticum was willing to pay upwards of $3 USD for the purchase ($4,000,000,000 MSD). 
Elon, never one to pass up on such an opportunity, agreed to the offer- with one small exception; Glob Bulb Incorporated would recieve 50% of all profits generated by the forcefield. Foreign Secretary Quandorium Brettsfeld IX, baffled by this question, and not seeing it as a risk, as a forcefield would not generate money, agreed to these terms. 
=== Chinese Conundriums ===
Elon had forgotten, however, that he had already promised to construct a forcefield to shield the Chinese capital city of Hong Kong (something that the region was in dire need of, after the grievous Sickle Cell Campaign carried out by Sus E. Amonger). This enraged the government of China, which sent numerous emails and phone calls to Elon, requesting an audience with him. 
Mysteriously, Elon never received any of these calls, and no records of them were ever recorded in his offices. In fact, nobody seemed to remember Elon had ever considered constructing a forcefield for Chairman The, in a baffling stroke of Omniversal mystery. Many speculated that someone or something had tampered with the minds of Elon and his employees; however, we're really not at liberty to say... 
== The Forcefield Scandalliums ==
So, Elon began construction of the Forcefield unit. It would be the largest forcefield ever constructed on Earth; it rivaled only Grimm Thong II of Georgia's Iron Dome in size and spectacle. After gaining approval from the glorious, magnifical Glop Bulb itself, Elon moved to fully move construction operations to Twitter HQ, bulldozing the entire HR Department to make way for the construction of the Martian Forcefield Dome. 
Meanwhile, tensions were mounting between Chinese Grand Chairman Winnie T. Pooh and the the Martian Regnosticum. Winnie T. Pooh slammed the Regnosticum for 'stealing our forcefield'. The Regnosticum, and Elon, both decried this as 'foolishness', and demanded Winnie T. Pooh's Chinese Compost Party immediately cease and desist with the libel and falseties. After this, Winnie T. Pooh went silent- but the attacks began. 
== Redditium ==
Elon Tusk's forcefield was ramping up production- but one day, as they were preparing to put the finishing touches on the Forcefield, he was suddenly called away from his Glob Bulb Seminar on a very important matter- Reddit was being invaded. 
Elon watched in horror as numerous trolls and bots from the Chinese Compost Party commented mean things about him and the Martian Regnosticum online. Elon contacted the offices of Martian Foreign Secretary Quandorium Brettsfeld IX, who immediately launched a full-scale retaliation- in which Martian agents commented rude things about China. 
This all culminated in one post, originating from Redditor u/magad1ckrider, who wrote simply, 'chairman winnie is ugly lol'. 
After this post, all of the Chinese operatives went silent. The entire Chinese government stopped communicating with the rest of the world. 
== Launch of the Forcefield ==
Elon, seeing this as a win for him and the Martian Correlation, quickly moved on from the online drama- and traveled to Mars to oversee the installation of the forcefield in the Martian Capital city of Rhubarb. 
Upon arriving on Rhubarb, Elon gave a speech about the importance of defense and protection for all citizens, regardless of financial status, as well as freedom of speech under the dome. 
Elon explained that Martians could pay into two different tiers of Forcefield Protection- 'Standard', or 'Forcefield Blue'. Forcefield Blue users got 2x more energy directed to the sector of forcefield above their homes- and thus, were less likely to die, in the event of a Combine attack. 
Elon declared that the monthly cost for a 'Forcefield Blue' subscription would be $8 USD (an astronomical figure for most Martians). Elon had forgotten about the massive Martian inflation, of course, because he'd been more involved with the illustrious and all-encompassing Glop Bulb. 
== Unforeseen Consequences ==
Elon then left, and the Forcefield was turned on- roughly 5 Martians (out of 4 billion) could afford 'Forcefield Blue' at launch. These were, of course, members of the Martian Regnosticum- who were all concentrated in one area. The Forcefield thus operated effectively as a disc of iron with curtains of glass. But alas- the Forcefield made the Martian people feel safer when they looked up at the sky. 
As it turned out, it wasn't the Combine the Martian people had to be afraid of- six weeks after the launch of the forcefield, three interplanetary ballistic missiles, launched by the Chinese Compost Party, easily punctured the feeble 'Standard' section of the Forcefield- and obliterated the entire city, killing a large portion of the population instantly. 
=== Epilogue ===
This marked the end of the disastrous China-Mars Conflict, and an equally poor business decision for Elon Tusk- who returned to Earth blissfully unaware of the carnage he had caused. Elon returned to the Glop Bulb, and bathed in its glorious light once again. 
In 3 AB, Elon passed away doing what he loved most; trolling. 
Category:Characters