TruMoo: Classic Jokes

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* How do cows stay up to date? They read the moos paper.
* How do cows zip around town? On a moo-tor scooter.
* How do you make a cow float? Root beer, two scoops of ice cream, a cow, and a cherry.
* What are two things people don't eat for lunch? Breakfast and dinner.
* What did one plate say to the other? "Food's on me tonight."
* What did the cake say to the fork? "You want a piece of me?"
* What did the lion say after eating the clown? "That tasted funny."
* What did the zero say to the number eight? "Nice belt."
* What do astronauts put on their sandwiches? Launch meat.
* What do computers do when they're tired? They crash.
* What do cows like on their hot dogs? Moo-stard.
* What do you call a cow who plays a violin? A moo-sician.
* What do you call a male cow who is taking a nap? A bull-dozer.
* What goes "oooooooooooooooo!!"? A cow with no lips.
* What happens when a cow doesn't shave? She grows a moo-stache.
* What is an alien's favorite computer key? The space bar.
* What's a boxer's favorite drink? Punch.
* What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
* Where do cows go to get cultured? The moo-seum.
* Why are fish bad at basketball? They're afraid of the net.
* Why did the bacon laugh? The egg cracked a yolk.
* Why did the chicken do jumping jacks? She wanted scrambled eggs.
* Why did the child stare intently at the carton of orange juice? It said "concentrate".
* Why did the cow do jumping jacks? She wanted a milkshake.
* Why did the lion eat the tightrope walker? He wanted a balanced meal.
* Why did the monster get a tummy ache? It was goblin its meal.
* Why do bees hum? They forgot the words to the song.
* Why do birds fly south for the winter? It's too far to walk.
* Why don't lobsters share well? They're shell-fish.
* Why is a bowl of pasta so smart? It is using its noodle.
* Why shouldn't you tell a pig your secrets? It's going to squeal.
* Why were the apple and orange alone? The banana split.
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* How did the Vikings send messages? Norse code.
* How do you keep a bull from charging? You take away his credit card.
* What do cows like to listen to? Moo-sic.
* What is the loudest sport? Racket Ball.
* What works only after getting fired? A rocket.
* What's the alligator's favorite game? Snap.
* Where do cows go on dates? Dinner and a moo-vie.
* Which side of a chicken has more feathers? The outside.
* Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? Then it would be a foot.
* Why did the computer sneeze? It had a virus.
* Why did the cookie go to the doctor? It was feeling crumby.
* Why did the elevator think it was sick? It was coming down with something.
* Why is it windy at ball games? Because of all the fans.
* Why was the computer overweight? It always took megabytes.
* Why was the mushroom invited to the party? Because he was a fun-gi.
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* How do you catch a squirrel? Climb up a tree and act like a nut.
* How do you keep a skunk from smelling? You hold his nose.
* What happens when a cow doesn't shave? She grows a moo-stache.
* What is a cow's favorite dessert? Chocolate mooo-usse.
* What kind of meals do math teachers eat? Square meals.
* What starts with T, ends with T, and has T inside? A teapot.
* Where does a cow go to become a star? Moo York City.
* Why did the cow cross the road? To get to the udder side.
* Why did the kid eat his homework? The teacher said it was a piece of cake.
* Why don't strings ever win a race? They always tie.