Unikitty vs. First Order Stormtrooper vs. Buggoid vs. Flintlocke

<Previous Battle	Next Battle>
Amset-Ra: Thank you for letting me visit you, Sensei!
Sensei Keiken: You're welcome. Listen, in case you're interested, there's a -20% off sale on exo-suits at Brickmart.
Amset-Ra: Thanks for the heads-up, Sensei. Goodbye!
He leaves for the pyramid.
Amset-Ra: I believe that they should be about done setting up the party, which is why they shooed me off to Sentai Mountain. Oh look, I'm here already. My, time travels fast when battles are written.
But alas, it was a mirage.
Amset-Ra: WHAT?!
Just kidding.
Amset-Ra: Good.
He opens the door and walks into the lobby.
Everyone: SURPRISE!!!
Amset-Ra: Why, this is a lovely surprise! Thank you all!
Guests from far and wide have arrived to celebrate the hundredth battle party. The most notable of them are Pharaoh Hotep, Wyldstyle, Ogel, Dr. Inferno, Dr. Brains, Dr. McScrubs, Axel, Frenzy, Grundalychus, T-Rex, Morro, Tee-Vee and his priest, Terry the Buggoid and all other bugs whose names rhyme with "fairy", General Krokenberg, Fluminox, Alien Queen, Hovok, Hyvak, Havek, Alien, all the "al" Aliens, AntiMatter, ProMatter, Grand Pharaoh Amuntakken, Sir Fangar, Pythor, Eglor, Nadakhan, The Fierce Flame, Unidracow, Sam Sinister, Tremorox, Master Chen, Clouse, Terabyte, Invizable, Toxikita, Squidman, Time Ninja, Jack Fury, Fire-Arm, and even the former TARDIS.
Soon, everyone is seated at different tables while Amset-Ra is playing a boring vacation slide show compilation video of various previous battles. Can you identify each one?
Click!
Amset-Ra: Welcome to Amset-Ra's Fighting Pyramid! This is the first battle of the first season here, and I am so excited! Two of 2014's fighters are-
Dr. Inferno: Um, Amset-Ra?
Amset-Ra: What is it?
Dr. Inferno: AntiMatter is a 2015 minifigure.
Amset-Ra: …Oh.
Amset-Ra: How could I have not known that?
Dr. Inferno: That's what happens when you read off script.
Click!
Earth Dragon: My vote goes to Amset-Ra.
Fire Dragon: Because he can out-match Sting Rayzor…
Lightning Dragon: …as well as anyone.
Amset-Ra: YEAH! You tell 'em, guys!
Ice Dragon: I'm voting for Sting Rayzor.
Amset-Ra: WHOA! Someone's not being a team player!
Ice Dragon: OK, OK! Amset-Ra it is!
Amset-Ra: And that's the day I made the Ultra Dragon attack itself, thus giving Ninjago Season 2 a totally different outcome!
Click!
Wyldstyle: Welcome to Amset-Ra's Fighting Pyramid, going on tour! We are currently at the Portal of Atlantis. Let's hear what the Portal Emperor has to say about it.
Portal Emperor: We boast unforgettable scenery, four flights of stairs, a dungeon, a library, a planning room, real shark statues, and of course, the portal which leads to Atlantis.
AntiMatter: THAT IS, UNTIL I REPROGRAMMED IT.
Axel: My enemy's lair is not a vacation spot, those shark statues are obviously real, and AntiMatter cannot reprogram an ancient portal.
AntiMatter: SILENCE, NONBELIEVER!
Portal Emperor: You WHAT?!
'AntiMatter: YES. I DID WHAT.
Wyldstyle: Whatever.
Click!
Metalbeard: Yaziziziziziz! SEA COW, APPEAR!
AntiMatter: THAT CAN BE ARRANGED.
Vorp! CLAAAANNNGGGGGGGGGGG!
Invizable: Metalbeard is out.
Amset-Ra: Let this be a lesson to you, kiddies: be careful what you wish for, because your enemy just might reward you with it.
Click!
Dr. Inferno: AND also in the Red Corner is our first-ever fighting User, Commandosaur!
Dr. Inferno: Make that "only fighting User".
Commandosaur: I will avenge Alien by utterly destroying AntiMatter and throwing his pieces into his own portal.
Alien Fans: YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHH!
Surtatb2007: That's it, Commandosaur!
BubbleBomber: But... But I like AntiMatter.
Amset-Ra: You've got nothing to fear. That battle happened seventeen months and eighty battles ago. Already.
Ogel: Can we have another fighting User pleeeeeeeease?
Amset-Ra: NO. That's what the Miscellaneous Battles are for.
Click!
This special presentation will be continued throughout the battle, and is brought to you in part by Brickmart. We've been ripping people off for over 30 years.
Wyldstyle: Welcome to the one hundredth battle of Amset-Ra's Fighting Pyramid!
Audience: FORGET THE INTROS! JUST START IT ANYWAY!
Wyldstyle: Cut it out, Morro.
Audience: OOOOORROM
Time Ninja: Unikitty won the battle this time.
Time Ninja becomes Soul Archer's new arrow decoration.
Frenzy: Guess what, Wyld? I gotta lawyer, and he told you to GIMME YOUR HAIR!!!!!!!!!
Squidman: Good ol' Frenzy…
Wyldstyle: Well, my lawyer told me to ignore you. So there.
Frenzy: Aww…
Wyldstyle: Iiiiiiin the Red Corner, the magnificent 14-piece hybrid from Cloud Cuckoo Land, UNIKITTY!
Unikitty: Let's prove that Time Ninja is actually right this time!
Wyldstyle: Iiiiiiin the Green Corner, it's the First Order Stormtrooper known globally as FN-2199!
FN-2199: Actually, I'm known universally as FN-2199.
General Krokenberg: NOT… ANY… MORE!
Wyldstyle: Iiiiiin the Blue Corner, you'd better watch your heads… and your treasures… It's Flintlocke!
Flintlocke: I be goin' for th' gold, mates! All of it!
Grand Pharaoh Amuntakken: My gold's safe. Nice try.
Wyldstyle: And also Terry's here.
Terabyte: Technically, I'm famous again!
Wyldstyle: This time, it's not you.
Terry: FINALLY! THE FAME I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR FOR OVER FIFTY BATTLES!
Wyldstyle: Ogel, any last words?
Dr. Inferno: Before we feed you and all the world's agents to our Tyrannosaurus rex?
Ogel: Terry.
They fire the slingshot Ogel is tied to and-
Wyldstyle: What just happened?
Dr. Inferno: He's still tied to the slingshot.
After fixing the problem, they fire again and he lands in the T-Rex's mouth.
Ogel: You haven't seen the last of me!
Wyldstyle: Unfortunately, we haven't.
Unidracow: Neigh moo ROAR!
Wyldstyle: You're dating Unikitty? How sweet. Tee-Vee, start us off.
Tee-Vee: Battle:start.
Click!
Invizable: Fight!
Ding ding ding!
Amset-Ra: Is it just me or is the bell getting quieter?
Clouse: The bell is not nearly as quiet as my opponents will be- Clouse, YOU be my first target!
Terabyte: As far as I know, you are Clouse... Am I missing data?
Clouse: I know I am Clouse, but who be he?
Clouse points at Tremorox
Tremorox: TREMOR-EMOR-EMOR-EMOR!
Terabyte: An earthquake, apparently.
Amset-Ra: Ha! Ha! Ha! This guy's good!
Amset-Ra: Hahahaha! Oh, that gets me every time.
Clouse: *pointing at the screen* Clouse, be you insane, or be you not?
Master Chen: You just insulted yourself, Clousy-Clouse. I always knew you were my least dependable henchman. Here, let me steal your powers for you.
Clouse: HEY! Be you out of your mind, or be you not?
Master Chen: Good question.
Click!
Amset-Ra is in his office. Ogel walks in.
Amset-Ra: Hey! I thought I told the guards to lock you up again!
Ogel: Yeah, but apparently I have to go battle…
Amset-Ra: Uh, fine. But you'd better not win!
Ogel: How about if I do win, you let me not go in the cells?
Amset-Ra: Ha, you'll never win!
Ogel: In which case, there wouldn't be any problem with it, right?
Amset-Ra: Uh... Fine, but if you lose, you have to stay in the cellar for the next three million years.
Ogel: Um…
Amset-Ra: Now just a minute! I didn't put that clip in the lineup! Who's responsible?
Ogel: Me.
Amset-Ra: *sigh* Tie him to a catapult aimed conveniently at a T-Rex where our other agents will be devoured.
Click!
ZARKZARK!
Kai: OW!
Sensei Garmadon: A ninja does not say "Ow."
Kai: Sorry, Sensei.
Amset-Ra: That makes no sense whatsoever.
Click!
Frenzy: MY HAIR!!!!!!! NOT YOUR HAIR!!!!!!!!
Wyldstyle: I PAINTED THIS HAIR MYSELF.
Terabyte: O RLY?
Frenzy: BUT I STOLE IT MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!
Terabyte: Perhaps it would be best if we stopped frenzying and going wild over some hair.
Amset-Ra: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Amset-Ra: That joke is still groanable after all these years. Oh, and I must have frenzied a little there.
Click!
Wyldstyle: Next up, in the Yellow Corner of Turtle Keys, is a creature from Ninjago's dark and doomy past, the gargantuan Grundalychus…
Audience: OOH!!!!!!!!!!
Grundal: Jingle Bells... Jingle Bells... Jingle... All the way... Oh what fun... It is to ride... In an all horse eaten sleigh…
Portal Emperor: A very nice rendition!
Amset-Ra: What fun indeed...
Grundal: I ate Dasher... and Dancer... and Prancer... and Vixen... and Comet... and Cupid... and Donner... and Blitzen... But do you recall... That I ate the most famous reindeer of all?
Audience: GASP!
Viewers: BOO!!!!!!!
Toxikita: OGEL IS THE NEW GRUNDAL!
Tremorox: TREMOR-EMOR-EMOR!
Click!
Amset-Ra: Invizable, you are the winner of…
AMSET-RA'S SUPER HEADDRESS!
Invizable: It's a little large on me.
Amset-Ra: You can adjust the size by using a switch on the back of the crown.
Zip!
Invizable: Augh! Too tight!
Amset-Ra: Hahahahaha! Alright, everyone, we're going back home!
Amset-Ra: I don't know how Invizable got that crown off of him, but next time he wins, I'm magnetizing it to him!
Fortunately, Invizable isn't there to hear at the moment. Neither are Grundal and Tee-Vee.
AntiMatter: YOU ARE NOW PERMITTED TO TAKE AXEL AND OGEL HOME WITH YOU.
Amset-Ra: Actually, AntiMatter, you can keep Ogel.
AntiMatter: REALLY?
Amset-Ra: Really.
Amset-Ra: How Ogel escaped is beyond me.
Eglor: Actually,sir,ifyoureadtheCharacterUpdatessectionattheendofthebattle,youwillhaveseenthattheUltraAgentsrescuedhimandthenrealizedtheirmistake.
Amset-Ra: Wow. Our viewers are going to have a hard time translating that.
The Fierce Flame: Our ratings just went down another 2%.
Amset-Ra: Awesome! Another 6% and we'll be in the negatives! Keep it going, guys!
Click!
This special presentation is brought to you in part by Squidman's Pitstop. They've been breaking things for as long as anyone can remember. Call today for a disappointment.
DING DING DING! WE HAVE A WINNER!
Amset-Ra: Stupid malfunctioning bell.
Nadakhan: Tee-Vee wished for gameshow:win, did he not?
Amset-Ra: You seriously need to get your nonexisient ears checked.
FN-2199: Check this out! I've got a spinny electric staff thingy!
Flintlocke: …
He snatches the staff and snaps it in half.
FN-2199: *anime sweatdrop*
Flintlocke: Git real, m'lad. One of those things ain't gonna stop me, Finn!
FN-2199: I am FN-2199, not that traitor FN-2187. In fact, I'm twelve better than him!
Terry: Whatever! I'll blast you with my blaster, which just so happens to be made of a scorpion, a frying pan, and a crystal-clear garbage can lid!
Flintlocke: Try it. Weapons made of trash ain't harmed nobody.
In the stands…
Mary, Jerry, Larry the Insectoid Larva, Gary the plain ol' Buggoid, and all the other bugs whose names rhyme with “fairy”: WOOOOOOO! Go, Terry!
Terry: Thanks for the support, guys!
Jerry: Uh, actually we're rooting for Terabyte, who just so happens to be using his GameShark to hack the Wii.
Terry: WHAT?
Mary: But I guess we could root for you as well.
Terry: Finally!
In another part of the audience…
Havek: Isn't this fight going great, Queen?
Alien Queen: I suppose. I haven't had the best of relations with the Insectoids. Both the 1999 kind and the 2013 kind.
Alien: When will Commanders Hovok and Hyvak get back?
Havek: After they return with the "Al's".
Alien: Can I talk to them?
Havek: Sure.
Soon…
Alice: And we've just returned from the Un-Fair on Deimos.
Aloha: It's like, awesome!
But wait! How is the battle going?!
Unikitty: Hurry hurry hurry…
Wyldstyle: Looks like she's building a… robot Grundalychus?
Flintlocke: There be no such thing, matey!
FN-2199: Try it. My suit is Grundalitis-proof.
Terry: Actually, it's not. You can only resist it if you're deaf or if you're wearing noise-cancelling headphones. I listened to Christina Hydron's interview with Darth Vader, and he was saying something about the noise amplifiers in the Stormtroopers' helmets. Especially yours.
FN-2199: NOOOOOO!
Robot Grundal: SILENCE, MITE… YOU'RE A DELIGHT… GET IN MY BELLY… THEN ALL WILL BE RIGHT…
FN-2199: Sure, you made me deaf… But take in mind that this is a robot Grundal. It has no effect on me.
Unikitty: Argh! After all that research…
'Flintlocke: I've had enough outta alla ye. Construct!
Wyldstyle: It's… Emmet's Construct-O-Mech?!
Emmet: HEY! That mech is copywritten!
ProMatter: that's okay. it happens all the time.
Sam Sinister: WOOOO! Go Flintlocke!
Fire-Arm: You're spilling popcorn all over me! And why aren't you rooting for the current champion?
Sam Sinister: Good question.
Click!
Frenzy: Unidracow wins!
Unidracow: MOOOO!
Dr. Inferno: How did you win?
Unidracow: Moo.
Fierce Flame: *groan* I believe she- or it, rather- simply won by waiting for the right moment to strike.
Alien Queen: *groan* Unfortunately, you're right.
Amset-Ra: Thus ended the first battle of Season 2, and none of the fighters were real minifigures!
Alien Queen: EXCUSE ME?
The Fierce Flame: What?!
Unidracow: Moo?!
Amset-Ra: ...Never mind.
Click!
Frenzy: YO-DA-LODA-YOO-HOO!!!!!!!!!!!! You're wrong! I'm CRIMINALLY INSANE!!!!! SUPER CRAZY!!!!!!! SQUIDDY!!!!!!!!! Can I have your SPACESHIP!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Squidman: Okay, but don't break it…
Frenzy: Spaceship Spaceships SPACESHIP!!!!!!!!!!!!
Emmet: That's Benny's line.
Amset-Ra: Remind me to fire Frenzy whenever I get a chance. I mean, he ruined the fighter intros! Actually, I kinda like them! I wanna hear Wyldstyle say "In the bloody corner we've got a pink screamer with a spiked scalp, Unicycle Kitty!"
Frenzy: I WANNA HEAR MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wyldstyle: Frankly, I don't.
Click!
Count Dooku: In the Blue Corner is Tee-Vee.
Tee-Vee: Chance of me winning: 100%.
Terabyte: Great to know that, talking TV.
'Priest of the Tee-Vee: How dare you insult the great Tee-Vee!
Audience: Treason!
Amset-Ra: He won that battle 100%.
Priest of the Tee-Vee: Great to know that, talking pharaoh. How dare you show a clip that insults the austere, exalted, inspirational, omnidigital, unified Tee-Vee! I only feel like doing vowels today.
Amset-Ra: Omnidigital?
Priest of the Tee-Vee: Compatible with all file types.
Click!
This special presentation is brought to you in part by Doc Ock-Tan. Another form of plagiarism just to fill in this space.
We now return you to the battle already in progress…
Wyldstyle: -move by Flintlocke! He just picked up Unikitty and threw her into the remains of the robot Grundal! And FN-2199 is emerging from the ruins!
FN-2199: What hit me?
Flintlocke: Here's yer answer, landlubber!
Clonk!
FN-2199: Oh yeah… Roast Buggoid…
Wyldstyle: A new look for Finn?
Sir Fangar: I kind of like that glooooorious look.
Pythor: If you assssssk me, that sssssshade of red classsssshes with that white…
Sir Fangar: Nonsense! Nothing can clash with glooooorious white!
Flintlocke: Well, heheh, looks like I won already!
Unikitty: Or have you?
Slip! Clonk!
Flintlocke: Ye gotta watch those slippery robot Grundal parts!
Tee-Vee: Winner: Flintlocke.
Flintlocke: That victory was inevitable, mateys. I couldn't have done it without this 'ere-
Emmet: GIVE ME BACK MY CONSTRUCT-O-MECH!
Flintlocke: END TRANSMISSION!
Click!
Vorp!
Kylo Ren: Invizable! What are you doing here?!
Invizable: I'm intercepting you, what did you expect?
Havek: NOW!!!
Zarkzarkzarkzark!!!!
Havek: And now to give you the boot.
Boot!
Kylo Ren: Cuuuurrrrse yooooouuuu, Iiiiiinviiiiizaaaaabllllle…
Ding!
Invizable: My work here is done.
Amset-Ra: Lamest. Interception. Ever.
Jack Fury: Yeah!
Amset-Ra: Get in that T-Rex, you and your suitcase friend.
Jack Fury: Fine…
Click!
Amset-Ra: Boy, I am so glad to have escaped the past... but one question remains: What is the TARDIS?
???: You wonder who we are?
Shadowy hands grab Amset-Ra and carry him into the darkness.
Amset-Ra: Eeek!
...
...
...
???: Greetings, desert worm. I am Commander Flash.
Amset-Ra: Thus began the TARDIS saga. So why did those truly annoying rogues who do insane stuff choose that name? And why did they take over the pyramid?
Merlok 2.0: Alas, we were driven mad with power, so we took over the pyramid. Also we wanted publicity.
Amset-Ra: Your theme is publicity enough. So, Nexo Knights, do you remember your villain names?
Merlok 2.0: They don't ring a bell.
Amset-Ra: Let's see now, you're Commander Flash, the Ninja wannabe is Streak, the belle is Macy, the bronco is Spike, the loudmouth is DJ, the fatso is Brawn, and the kid is Hoodwink. Who were you, apprentice?
Ava Prentiss: I don't believe I was ever named.
Click!
Fluminox: The light at the end of the tunnel is near.
Terabyte: I'm so sorry you decieved yourself. The light at the end of the tunnel is really my hacker beam!
Amset-Ra: Yeah, Flummy, you really did deceive yourself!
Fluminox: The Phoenix king objects.
Amset-Ra: Whatever.
Click!
Two hours later, Amset-Ra and his party arrive at the pyramid. It would have been three minutes, but Eglor kept saying "Arewethereyetarewethereyetarewethereyet?", Frenzy kept chasing Wyldstyle for her hair, the Book of Monsters broke loose from its chain, and Chewbacca lost three rounds of holochess in a row.
Amset-Ra: You know, it is kinda difficult to travel in a cramped Millennium Falcon.
Click!
Wyldstyle: Now it's time to have some fun, since Amset-Ra isn't technically here... Attention shoppers! Barter one lose two sale on all Rathbone fencing swords!
Dr. Inferno: Is that even legal?
Amset-Ra: Hey, at my pyramid, anything goes. Anyway, thank you all for attending this boring vacation slide show special presentation! And thank you too, viewers!
This special presentation has been brought to you in part by Jek-Mate. Side effects of this pill will may include staining your left arm blue.
Amset-Ra and Pharaoh Hotep are sitting in the café.
Pharaoh Hotep: Son… I would like to let you know… I'm very proud of you.
Amset-Ra: Thanks, Dad.
Pharaoh Hotep: Could you do me a favor?
Amset-Ra: Sure, Dad.
Pharaoh Hotep: Could you please inspect the prison for me?
Amset-Ra: Ha, I'm not falling for that old gag.
Pharaoh Hotep: Argh!
Frenzy, Grundal, and Invizable enter.
Frenzy: Amset-Ra, I'd like to tell you something.
Amset-Ra: Shoot.
Frenzy: I've given up on Wyldstyle's hair.
Amset-Ra: Fat chance.
Frenzy: So now I'm going after something different.
Amset-Ra: I don't want to know.
Frenzy: It's way better than Wyldstyle's hair.
Amset-Ra: Better than that vandalized plastic?
Frenzy: And far more magical.
Amset-Ra: Sigh…
Frenzy: And that's why I'd like to have…
Amset-Ra: (Uh-oh, here it comes…)
Frenzy: YOUR CROWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Amset-Ra: Forget it, it's glued on.
Frenzy: I WANNA SHOOT SPAGHETTI OUTTA MY HEAD TOO!
Amset-Ra: …
Frenzy: AND BE ALL KINGY AND STUFF!
Amset-Ra: …
Frenzy: AND YELL "BOLOGNA!"
Amset-Ra: ...
Frenzy: *troll face*
Amset-Ra: *Phelps face*
Invizable: Well, both of them finally cracked.
Grundal: After the hundredth battle… Our pharaoh showed to us… A Phelps face in its popularity…
Invizable: Yup. I wonder how long it's going to be until it's used in normal conversation. Come on, Grundal.
They soon take to a stage that magically appeared.
Both: We… two kings… of LEGOish bricks…
Dr. Brains: (wearing noise cancelling headphones) Grundalitis shots! get your Grundalitis shots!
Dr. McScrubs: Wah! I hate noisy germs!
As the credits roll, Invizable and Grundal continue singing, Dr. McScrubs continues complaining, and Dr. Brains continues offering Grundalitis shots in exchange for his customer's wallets, which can only happen in a place in the desert which is overrun with crime, agents, and plagiarism. This… is Amset-Ra's Fighting Pyramid.
<Previous Battle	Next Battle>
See the Fighter Rankings as of this battle.
<poll> 
How much did you enjoy Unikitty vs. First Order Stormtrooper vs. Buggoid vs. Flintlocke?
1 (Least)
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10 (Most)
</poll>
Category:Season 3
Category:Round 1 Battles