Transcripts/A Trivial Pursuit

:Spike: Okay, Spike. You know you might get distracted by the stacks of books and copious charts, so remember what to say. "Twilight, I know you're in full prep mode for Trivia Trot tomorrow, but you need to get some sleep!" Huh. [laughs] Nice work. You got this.
:[door opens]
:Spike: [gasps] This is weird.
:[thud]
:Spike: Twilight! What are you doing?
:Twilight Sparkle: Great question, Spike! And the answer is...
:[bell rings]
:Twilight Sparkle: ...going to bed! Brains need eight hours of sleep to perform at optimum levels!
:Spike: Oh. Cool. I thought I'd have to force you to go to bed since tomorrow is your chance to be the first pony to win Ponyville Trivia three times in a row. That is tomorrow, right?
:Twilight Sparkle: The answer is...
:[bell rings]
:Twilight Sparkle: ...yes! Ask me another one.
:Spike: Another what?
:Twilight Sparkle: Another question! I want to stay in the zone. That way, I can sleep in the zone! Wake up in the zone! And be totally in the zone tomorrow!
:[beat]
:Spike: Uh, this is a whole new level of "Twilight-ing", isn't it? Heh.
:Twilight Sparkle: The answer is...
:[bell rings]
:Twilight Sparkle: ...yes!
:Spike: Are you okay?
:Twilight Sparkle: The answer is...
:[bell rings]
:Twilight Sparkle: ...yes!
:Spike: Well, good night, Twilight. Good luck with your brain sleep and getting that third win. [chuckles]
:Twilight Sparkle: The answer is...
:[bell rings]
:Twilight Sparkle: ...good night! And yes!
:Spike: That wasn't a question.
:
:Twilight Sparkle: I'm glad you decided to come watch your first Trivia Trot, Spike. I hope the rules aren't too confusing.
:Spike: Rules? Isn't trivia just asking questions and answering them?
:Twilight Sparkle: [laughs] The Trot is a little more involved than that. Let's start with the first category of rules. [reading] "Categories. Rule one: Each category must be categorically designated and thoroughly researched in all categorical..."
:Twilight Sparkle: "...participating in Trivia Trot." And that wraps up rule forty-one point six. Of course, the exception to that – rule forty-one point six A – is interesting itself because—
:Spike: Oh, look! We're here!
:Twilight Sparkle: Ooh! I can't wait to see who my partner's gonna be!
:Spike: You don't get to pick your own team?
:Twilight Sparkle: Rule twenty point one six B, Spike. To keep things fair, the teams are randomly selected.
:Spike: [sarcastically] Twenty point one six B. How could I forget?
:Twilight Sparkle: And based on the regular attendees, I've charted every potential teammate's strengths and weaknesses, plus my percentage of winning with each one!
:Spike: Ha! I knew there'd be a chart! Glad I'm just watching. I don't think I could handle being your teammate. What if I let you down?
:Twilight Sparkle: [laughs] You could never let me down, Spike. But I'm glad you're watching, too. I'm going to need all the support I can get for win number three!
:[door opens]
:[indistinct conversations]
:Applejack: Well, well, well, if it ain't our reignin' champ. Think you can win again this week, Twilight?
:Twilight Sparkle: Everypony here has a different area of expertise, so it really is anypony's game. But yes!
:Rainbow Dash: Then you better hope you get paired with me, because I am gonna rule this game!
:[door opens]
:Sunburst: We'll just see about that! I didn't come all the way from the Crystal Empire to lose. And I hope you realize I have the highest percentage of correct answers, and I aim to keep it that way.
:Rainbow Dash: [whickers] I hope you realize not every category is gonna be "Spells So Old, Not Even Star Swirl the Bearded Remembers Them".
:Fluttershy: I hope there's one on fur maintenance for adorable creatures, because I've been 'brushing up'. [giggles]
:Angel: [chitters angrily]
:Mudbriar: Technically, that was a category last week.
:Maud Pie: It won't be in the game tonight.
:Twilight Sparkle: Rule thirty-seven point two C. No back-to-back categories. But I think Fluttershy was joking.
:[door opens]
:Pinkie Pie: Sure sounded like a joke to me! [giggles] Woo-hoo!
:Twilight Sparkle: Pinkie Pie?!
:Pinkie Pie: Present!
:[dramatic musical sting]
:Twilight Sparkle: [panicked muttering]
:Spike: What's wrong, Twilight?
:Twilight Sparkle: I hadn't anticipated Pinkie Pie as a potential player! She's never played before! My chart is completely off! I have no way to predict what'll happen, and unpredictable is not good for a Trivia Trot three-peat!
:Spike: Do I have to do that thing where I list all your successes as Princess of Friendship to put things into perspective and remind you this is just a game?
:Twilight Sparkle: Spike! This has nothing to do with being the Princess of Friendship! And this is not just a game! This! Is! Trivia Trot!
:[tapping]
:Granny Smith: Okay, settle down, everypony. I'm fixin' to pick these here teams.
:[crowd cheers]
:Twilight Sparkle: [gasps] It's starting! I have to reevaluate my chart! Spike, I need you to find the part on matchups! Can you look outside?
:[teleportation zap]
:[door opens]
:Spike: What'd I miss?
:Twilight Sparkle: Granny's about to call out the fifth team. Sunburst gave me the highest chance of winning, but he's been paired with Cranky Doodle!
:Cranky Doodle Donkey: [mumbles, muttering] What? Who's that?
:Twilight Sparkle: At least Rainbow Dash and Applejack aren't together. Team Apple-Dash is basically unstoppable.
:Applejack: [growls]
:Rainbow Dash: [growls]
:Twilight Sparkle: And apart they'll spend all their energy trying to one-up each other, so that only helps my chances.
:Bulk Biceps: Let's do this! Yeah!
:Twilight Sparkle: Eh, not every team is a threat, but there aren't many ponies left.
:Granny Smith: All righty, hold on to your horseshoes, 'cause the next pair of players is... Maud and Mudbriar!
:[crowd groans]
:Spike: What's wrong?
:Twilight Sparkle: Maud and Mudbriar have been paired together every week. It's a statistical improbability! Which would be fine if they weren't so good.
:[sizzling]
:Twilight Sparkle: [deep gasp] Oh, no! According to my calculations, the only pony who could really threaten my winning streak is...!
:Granny Smith: And our final pair of contestants for this week's Trivia Trot is... Twilight and Pinkie Pie!
:Pinkie Pie: Twilight! It's you and me! Isn't that great?
:[clatter]
:Twilight Sparkle: Yeah. Great.
:Spike: So, I'm guessing the one pony who could mess up your winning streak is Pinkie?
:Pinkie Pie: Twilight! I can't believe we're partners for a game! I love games! And I'm super duper excited for this game because it'll be my first time ever playing, and I get to play with you, which makes it even funner!
:[zip!]
:Pinkie Pie: Twilight and Pinkie Pie forever! Ooh! We could be Team Twinkie! Or [gasps] Team Pink-Light! [gasps] Sparkle Pie! No-no-no-no! [gasps] Twi-Pie! [squee]
:Twilight Sparkle: Pinkie, I'm glad you're excited, but tonight's game is special. I could be the first pony ever to win three consecutive Trots in a row. And I'm really hoping I do.
:Pinkie Pie: You don't have anything to worry about. I'll do everything I can to be the bestest and most funnest teammate ever.
:[bell ringing]
:Spike: So... still think you can win?
:Twilight Sparkle: [exhales] I know I can. Pinkie might not be the partner I expected, but I can coach her along. And besides, I'm pretty good at this game. If she misses a few, I'm sure I can pick up the slack.
:[airhorn blows]
:Pinkie Pie: Let's get this party started!
:Twilight Sparkle: [laughs nervously]
:Granny Smith: Now, the first order of business is we need somepony to keep score.
:Spike: I'll do it!
:Applejack: [laughs] I'm not sure you wanna take that job, Spike. The score-keepin' can get a mite intense.
:Sunburst: Yeah. Starlight used to do it, but now... Well, I can't even say the word "trivia" around her.
:Granny Smith: [scoffs] Apple mash. Don't let them scare ya. You'll be fine. Now, let the games begin!
:[crowd cheers]
:Applejack:
:Get ready to get squashed! Hey, don't copy me!	
:Rainbow Dash:
:Get ready to get squished! Hey, don't copy me!
:Granny Smith: The first category is "Literary Figures".
:[crowd groans]
:Twilight Sparkle: Ooh! A category about books! We're off to a great start!
:Pinkie Pie: [giggles]
:Granny Smith: [clears throat] Who is the pony that despises the holiday season in the old classic A Hearth's Warmin' Tale?
:[bell rings]
:Pinkie Pie: The answer is nopony! Because everypony ends up loving the holiday with singing, festive cakes, and thoughtful presents!
:[beat]
:Granny Smith: Well, as much as that ain't exactly wrong, it ain't exactly right neither.
:Pinkie Pie: [laughs nervously]
:Twilight Sparkle: [whines]
:Spike: Just doing my job, Twilight.
:Twilight Sparkle: [sighs]
:Pinkie Pie: Sorry. I didn't know we could have negative points.
:Twilight Sparkle: It's fine, Pinkie. But maybe it'll help our chances if I coach you as we go. Tip one – try sitting still.
:Pinkie Pie: Can do, Coach Twilight—
:Twilight Sparkle: And don't get distracted. Or be distracting. Oh, and remember to listen carefully. Also, it's best to keep quiet between questions.
:Pinkie Pie: Got it.
:Pinkie Pie: [whimpers] Sitting still, sitting still, sitting still...! [continues under]
:Granny Smith: Which topographical locale used to be a cavern, but after thousands of years of erosion, is now a gorge?
:Twilight Sparkle: Pinkie!
:Pinkie Pie: What?!
:[bell rings]
:Maud Pie: The answer is the Ghastly Gorge.
:Granny Smith: That is one hundred percent correct!
:Applejack: [chomp]
:Granny Smith: The next category is "Apples"!
:Rainbow Dash: Rigged!
:Applejack: I didn't hear you complain when the category was "Wonderbolt History".
:Rainbow Dash: But... [stutters] that-that's totally different!
:Twilight Sparkle: Okay, Pinkie. Remember, the category is "Apples". Keep your mind on apples.
:Pinkie Pie: Apples, apples, apples, apples... Ooh, and oranges. And grapes! And strawberries. [gasps] Strawberry cupcakes! I'm hungry.
:Granny Smith: Which variety of apple only blooms for five days?
:Rainbow Dash: [coughs] Don't choke. [whistles]
:Applejack: Now, why would I choke on a question about apples? Uh... What was the question again?
:Granny Smith: You kiddin' me?
:Twilight Sparkle: Come on, Pinkie, you know this one. Mysterious apples? Only around for five days?
:Pinkie Pie: [gasps]
:[stomach growls]
:Pinkie Pie: Quiet down there. Pretty sure there's a rule against tummies ringing in.
:[bell rings]
:Fluttershy: Um, I'm just guessing, but is it zap apples?
:Granny Smith: Finally! Yes, Fluttershy, it is. At least somepony here knows her apples.
:Bulk Biceps: Yeah!
:[thud]
:Fluttershy: [weak laugh]
:[stomach growls]
:Spike: One minute left in the refreshment/bathroom break—! Aah!
:Twilight Sparkle: Spike! I don't think I can coach Pinkie well enough for us to get my three-peat! I don't want her to feel bad! She's trying so hard, but I might have to start answering everything myself!
:Pinkie Pie: Look, Twilight! No more belly growl interruptions for Team Twi-Pie! [chomps, gulps]
:Spike: Maybe instead of focusing on Pinkie, you should just focus on how you're playing.
:Twilight Sparkle: Or... I should look at how everypony else is playing.
:Granny Smith: Hope you're all in your seats 'cause the break is over, and it is time for more questions. [muttering] Let me see, uh... How do you say "reward" in Olde Ponish?
:Pinkie Pie: [gasps]
:[smack!]
:[bell rings]
:Cranky Doodle Donkey: [snoring]
:Sunburst: "Reward" in Olde Ponish is "hliet".
:Granny Smith: Correct!
:Twilight Sparkle: Sleeping!
:[crowd muttering]
:Twilight Sparkle: [clears throat] Sunburst's partner is sleeping. And according to rule fifty-seven point six, sleeping on the table is subject to dis-qual-i-fi-ca-tion!
:Granny Smith: Oh, looky here. That's an actual rule. Cranky is disqualified. I'm sorry, Sunburst. Without your teammate, you can't play neither.
:Sunburst: Aw, fine! But I'm counting that as a correct answer! [groans] Can't even stay awake for five minutes...
:Twilight Sparkle: Don't worry, Pinkie. We're not out of this game yet.
:Angel: [whispering]
:Fluttershy: [gasps]
:[bell rings]
:Fluttershy: Is the answer carrots?
:Twilight Sparkle: Ah! Rule thirteen point two! No help from pets!
:Applejack: Nyah!
:Rainbow Dash: Nyah!
:Twilight Sparkle: Rule seventy-two point eight! No sticking tongues out at opponents!
:Twilight Sparkle: Motion to establish new rule! No expressionless contestants!
:Granny Smith: Nice try.
:Twilight Sparkle: Fine.
:Granny Smith: The next category is... "Cupcakes"!
:Pinkie Pie: [gasps] Twilight! I know all about those! You have to let me help!
:Twilight Sparkle: [exhales heavily] Suuuure! Just when we're finally back in the game! [laughs crazily] Why, that sounds perfect, Pinkie, but... Ooh! Isn't that a confetti appreciation parade I see?
:Pinkie Pie: Where?!
:[zip!]
:Granny Smith: What flavor cupcakes did Princess Celestia order for Princess Luna's surprise birthday party last year?
:Pinkie Pie: Wait, what?!
:[bell rings]
:Twilight Sparkle: Double midnight chocolate fudge with chili pepper frosting!
:Granny Smith: Correct!
:Pinkie Pie: Hey! I knew that! I made those cupcakes!
:Twilight Sparkle: Sorry, Pinkie. But you were looking at the parade, and I didn't want our team to miss out on the point.
:Pinkie Pie: I guess that makes sense, but which way did that confetti parade go anyway?
:[bell rings]
:Twilight Sparkle: 1547 Pony B.E.!
:[smack!]
:[bell rings]
:Twilight Sparkle: Vanhoover!
:[splat]
:[bell rings]
:Twilight Sparkle: Cutie Pox!
:[bell rings]
:Twilight Sparkle: Bananaaaaas!
:Granny Smith: The category is "Sticks and Stones".
:Twilight Sparkle: [brays] I don't know anything about those! That's not any kind of category!
:Mudbriar: Technically, it's a kind of category where we know the answers and you don't.
:Twilight Sparkle: [hyperventilating]
:Pinkie Pie: Don't worry, fellow Twi-Pie. I grew up on a rock farm. I'm sure I know some of these.
:Twilight Sparkle: [hyperventilating faster]
:Granny Smith: What kind of stone can be used to start a fire?
:[bell rings]
:Pinkie Pie: The black one!
:Maud Pie: The answer is flint.
:Pinkie Pie: Yeah, that one! We both get points, right?
:Sunburst: Sorry, Pinkie. Rule four – answers must be specific and exact. I'd help you if I could. I know this category pretty well.
:Twilight Sparkle: Gee, Pinkie! I forgot the name of that famous rock in Griffonstone. Could you ask Maud?
:Pinkie Pie: You got it! Hey, Maud! What's the name of the famous rock in Griffonstone?
:Maud Pie: Pinkie, you can't ask me that.
:Pinkie Pie: Sure I can. I just did.
:[crowd muttering]
:Pinkie Pie: What?
:Granny Smith: You can't go and ask another player about rocks when that's the category. It's in the rulebook. Where's... Sorry, Pinkie, but you're disqualified.
:Pinkie Pie: What?!
:[loud thud]
:Pinkie Pie: I-I can't believe I'm disqualified! [whines]
:Twilight Sparkle: [laughs nervously] I'm sorry, Pinkie. Guess I forgot about that rule.
:Pinkie Pie: Oh, no! If I'm out, you don't have a partner! You won't be able to get your third win!
:Twilight Sparkle: Actually, since there's another player who has also had his teammate disqualified...
:Sunburst: Rule nineteen point seven B, whereby players whose teammates were disqualified may form a new team.
:Pinkie Pie: Oh. Okay. Um, I'll just cheer you on from... over there.
:[balloons deflate]
:Granny Smith: The next category is "Ancient Legends".
:Twilight Sparkle: Oh, we're gonna crush this round!
:Sunburst: I don't know, Twilight. You seem out of the zone today. But don't worry. I can pick up the slack.
:Twilight Sparkle: What?! I am the reigning Trot champ! If there's any slack that needs picking, I'll be the up! I mean, wait...
:Sunburst: I'm just saying you seem a little frazzled, and I do have a correct answer percentage to maintain.
:Granny Smith: Who traveled to Equestria from a distant land seeking to steal the magic from its pony inhabitants?
:[bell rings]
:Twilight Sparkle: That would be Lord Tirek!
:[bell rings]
:Mudbriar: Technically, that answer is incomplete. The answer is Lord Tirek and Scorpan.
:Twilight Sparkle: But Scorpan tried to convince Tirek not to do it, so technically he wasn't part of it, even if he started out—! [groans] Never mind.
:[montage music]
:[bell rings]
:[bell rings]
:Twilight Sparkle: Look, Sunburst. I realize I may have been a little off earlier, but I'm really good at this game.
:Granny Smith: How many holes are there in Daring Do's hat?
:[bell rings]
:Rainbow Dash: Twenty!
:Granny Smith: Correct!
:Rainbow Dash: Ha!
:Sunburst: Twilight, I knew that one! You just cost us a point and the correct answer I needed to boost my percentage!
:Twilight Sparkle: Well, I knew it, too. You're not the only pony to ever read a book, you know?
:Sunburst: You're right, Twilight. I'm sorry. But now that I think about it, I'm not so sure about Dash's answer. Could you do a quick fact check?
:Twilight Sparkle: Oh, I know it's twenty. But if you want proof... Wait! According to rule eighteen point three, I can't check outside reference material.
:[teleportation zap]
:Twilight Sparkle: [gasps] Are you trying to get me disqualified?! What kind of pony would do that to their own teammate?!
:Sunburst: You're right, Twilight. I don't know what got into me. I was so focused on my correct answers, I wasn't thinking straight. Can you forgive me?
:Twilight Sparkle: It's okay, Sunburst. I understand. And I have a teammate of my own to apologize to. Lucky for you, Cranky's awake. And according to rule fifty-seven point six B...
:Sunburst: Players previously disqualified for sleeping may rejoin the game. Provided they're well-rested.
:Cranky Doodle Donkey: [mutters] Where am I? What time is it? Where are my morning haycakes?!
:Twilight Sparkle: Pinkie, you were the best teammate I could ask for, but I let wanting to win keep me from seeing that.
:Pinkie Pie: [scoffs] I knew you wanted to win, but I probably could have helped a little. And even if I couldn't...
:Twilight Sparkle: ...we still could've had fun. I'm so sorry for not realizing it. I got so obsessed with one thing, I forgot what really mattered.
:Pinkie Pie: [sarcastically] No! That doesn't sound like you at all!
:Twilight Sparkle: Well, win or lose, nothing is more important than my friend. Or my team. Twi-Pie forever?
:Pinkie Pie: I-I don't know.
:Twilight Sparkle: I understand. I guess even the Princess of Friendship can mess things up with her friends.
:Pinkie Pie: Oh, it's not that. It's just that I already changed it to Team Twi-Burst, and now I guess I should change it to Sun-Doodle? [chomps]
:Twilight Sparkle: Actually, I have a better idea.
:Twilight Sparkle: According to rule thirteen point two, players can join the game at any time, provided they start from zero.
:Pinkie Pie: Wow. These rules are really convoluted. But doesn't starting from zero mean we'll lose?
:Twilight Sparkle: Well, our chances aren't good, but the odds of having fun on Team Twi-Pie are one hundred percent!
:Granny Smith: What is the name of the Ponyville Day Spa's most popular candle?
:[bell rings]
:Pinkie Pie:
:Candlelicious Melty Wax!	
:Twilight Sparkle:
:Competitive Library Musk!
:Granny Smith: Uh... no.
:Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie: [laugh]
:[credits]
Category:Season 9 transcripts