Homer the Vigilante/Quotes

:Jimbo (throws a sack of doorknobs at Homer's feet): You let me down, man. Now I don't believe in nothin' no more! I'm goin' to law school!
:Homer (screaming): NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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:Homer: (approaching a man playing a sax) Hey, buddy. Where'd you get that saxophone?
:Man: Sears.
:Homer: Get him!
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:Homer: No burning leaves without a permit!
:Man: I got one.
:Homer: Too late!
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:Homer: Okay, we got the secret vigilante handshake. Now we need codenames. I'll be Cue-Ball, Skinner can be 8-Ball, Barney will be 12-Ball, and Moe, you can be Cue-Ball.
:Moe: You're an idiot.
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:Lisa: Dad, don't you see you're abusing your power like all vigilantes? I mean, if you're the police, who will police the police?
:Homer: I dunno. Coast Guard?
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:Homer: (reading newspaper) "Asleep at the switch"?! I wasn't asleep! I was drunk!
:Bart (sympathetically): I believe you, Dad.
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:Abe: I'll join! I'm filled with piss and vinegar. At first I was just filled with vinegar.
:Homer: Hmm, sorry, Dad. You're too old.
:Abe: (sputtering) Too old?! Why, that just means I have experience! Who chased the Irish out of Springfield Village in aught-four? Me, that's who!
:Random Irishman: And a fine job ya did, too.
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:Kent Brockman: Mr. Simpson, how do you respond to the charge that petty vandalism such as graffiti is down 80% while heavy sack beatings are up a shocking 900%?
:Homer: Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. Forty percent of all people know that.
:Kent Brockman: I see. What do you say to the accusation that your group has been causing more crimes than it's been preventing?
:Homer: Oh, Kent, I'd be lying if I said my men weren't committing crimes.
:Kent Brockman: Touché.
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:Kent Brockman: When cat burglaries start, can mass murders be far behind? This reporter isn't saying that the burglar is an inhuman monster like the Wolfman, but he very well could be.
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:Marge: Homer, tell your child what you bought when I sent you to town to get some insurance?
:Homer: (to a jar nearby) Curse you, magic beans!
:Marge: Oh, stop blaming the beans.
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:Homer: It's time to clean up this town!
:Seymour Skinner: Meaning what, exactly?
:Homer: You know, push people around, make ourselves feel big.
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:Bart: Dad...we've been robbed!
:Lisa: Wake up, Dad, wake up! There was a burglar and he took my saxophone!
:Homer: Woo-hoo!
:Bart: And our portable TV!
:Homer: D'oh!
:Marge: And my necklace!
:Homer: Ehh, that's no big loss.
:Marge: Homer, that necklace was a priceless Bouvier family heirloom!
:Homer: Oh, you've probably got a whole drawer full of 'em.
:Marge: Well, yes I do, but they're all heirlooms too.
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:Bart: Burglar even took my stamp collection!
:Lisa: You had a stamp collection?
:(Homer, Marge and Lisa laugh at Bart; a phone rings, Bart picks it up)
:Nelson: Stamp collection? Ha-ha!
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:Abe: So, you see, old people aren't so useless after all. Malloy's old, and he outsmarted the lot of you. And I'm even older, and I outsmarted him! (laughs)
:Moe: Shut up.
:Abe: I've had my moment.
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:Mayor Quimby: (at the bottom of a large hole searching for the money) Mmm. I guess we're not gonna find anything.
:Otto Mann: Heh. How are we gonna get out of here?
:Homer: We'll dig our way out! (Everyone keeps digging)
:Chief Wiggum: No, no, dig up, stupid!
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:Phil Silvers: What's the matter with ya, kid? You told me this stream was shallow! Why you... (chuckles relentlessly) Oh, kid. I'll get even with you. (chuckles more as he sinks; Bart casually waves him farewell)
es:Homer the Vigilante/Frases