Looney Tunes Intro Bloopers Season 5 Complete Full Length Version by davemadson enterprises inc.

Sam: Ready, Dave?
Dave: Ready, Sam!
Sam: Say Dave, you've become cartoonized.
Dave: I did this to blend in better. Roll call!
(RC)
(Roll Call Pictures Inc.)
Dave: davemadson!
Sam: Microsoft Sam!
Mike: Microsoft Mike!
Mary: Microsoft Mary!
Anna: Microsoft Anna!
Scotty: Scotty!
Jimmy: Jimmy!
Hank: Hank!
Harvey Zilth: Harvey Zilth!
Sidney: Sidney!
Beulah: Beulah!
Abby: Abby!
LH Michael: Lernout & Hauspie Michael!
LH Michelle: Lernout & Hauspie Michelle!
Dave: All present and accounted for, Your Samuelship, sir!
(YS)
(Your Samuelship Pictures Inc.)
Sam: "Your Samuelship!" Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
Scotty: Say, that is funny! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! *CROTCH KICK!* Ouch! Don't kick me in the crotch, you shithead! Owww!
Sam: You stole my laugh line, Scotty!
Dave: That laugh line is in the public domain, Sam!
Sam: It's my property, Dave!
Dave: Public domain!
Sam: My property!
Dave: Public domain!
Sam: My property!
Dave: Public domain!
Sam: My property!
Dave: Public domain!
Sam: My property!
RoboSoft 3: The laugh line "Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl" has officially been declared to be in the public domain!
Sam: Take it easy, Sam.
They have spoken.
Remain
calm.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP!
DAVEMADSON, HOW DARE YOU USE THE LAW AGAINST ME!
I SAY THAT LAUGH LINE IS MY PROPERTY AND YOU CAN'T STEAL IT WITHOUT BEING PUNISHED FOR IT, YOU HEAR ME?
ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE!!
*BOOM!*
Anna: Are you all right, Sam?
Sam: I'm all right, Anna. That tantrum was only a gut reaction.
Wally: Excuse me, am I interrupting?
Dave: Not at all, sir.
Wally: The name is Wallace B. Warner Jr. I'm Mr. Warner Sr.'s son.
Dave: Pleased to meet you, Mr. Warner Jr.
Wally: You can call me Wally.
Dave: Welcome to the davemadson enterprises studio, Wally.
Sam: Wait a minute! The senior Mr. Warner never married! How could he have a son?
Wally: I was adopted.
Sam: That explains it.
Wally: I offer my services as assistant to the producer.
Dave: I'm the producer, Wally. Welcome aboard.
Scotty: About the intro?
Sam: Go to it!
(Blank shield)
Sam: Where are the letters?
Scotty: Sorry. Forgot to take them out of the mailbox.
(WB letters)
Mike: First the shield with no letters.
Mary: Then the letters with no shield.
Anna: They look so exquisite that way.
Sam: Now how about putting the letters on the shield?
Scotty: All right! Don't get ugly! Sheesh!
Davemadson: Shush the sheesh!
(WB letters above the shield)
Jimmy: Sam wanted the letters on the shield.
Hank: And look what he got!
Harvey Zilth: The letters are literally on top of the shield!
Sidney: Next we'll have them below the shield.
(WB letters below the shield)
Beulah: Now the letters are below the shield.
Abby: I guess it will soon be water under the bridge, won't it?
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!
Dave: QUIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!!
Wally: That's telling them, Dave!
Sam: Now hear this, Scotty! I want the letters on the shield, you hear me? The letters on the shield!
Scotty: Well, screw me where the sun won't shine, Sam!
Sam: JUST GET IT DONE, YOU ASSWIPE!!
Scotty: I AM NOT AN ASSWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPE!!
(The Letters on the Shield!)
LH Michael: Sam wanted the letters on the shield.
LH Michelle: And the shield says "the letters on the shield!" Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!! YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU'RE FIRED!!
Scotty: Fired? FIRED!?
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!
SAM, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO FIRE ME!
RE-HIRE ME OR I'LL KILL MYSELF AND YOU'LL BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR IT
YOU BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD!!
*BOOM!*
Wally: Microsoft Sam, are you out of your mind? You re-hire Scotty right now!
Sam: Never! Scotty's firing is justified, you hear? Justified!
Dave: Justified my ass! Scotty, you're re-hired.
Scotty: Thanks, Dave.
Sam: davemadson, I accuse you of mutiny!
Dave: Mutiny, schmutiny! I outrank you because I own this studio!
Sam: But what about authority?
Wally: You have authority, Sam!
Dave: We're talking about rank!
Sam: I don't give a shit about rank!
Wally: Well, we do!
Dave: And don't ever fire anyone here without our approval, capeesh?
Sam: Yessirs. Asswipes! *CROTCH KICK!* SOI!!
(WD)
(Wet Diapers Pictures Inc.)
Mike: Wet diapers?
Mary: What is this, a nursery?
Anna: Time to get the laundry done! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
(WC)
(Water Closet Pictures Inc.)
Jimmy: Water Closet Pictures.
Hank: Bathroom humor will never die.
Harvey Zilth: So that's what they do with wet diapers.
Sidney: Their movies are real stinkers! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Davemadson: Not funny!
(WT)
(Wet Towels Pictures Inc.)
Beulah: Wet towels?
Abby: I feel like I'm in a Turkish bath.
LH Michael: Why did constantinople get the works?
LH Michelle: That's nobody's business but the Turks'.
Sam: Scotty, do I have to tell you what belongs on the shield?
Scotty: Don't make me feel like a second grade kid in school again, Sam!
Sam: The letters on the shield should be WB. Not WD, WC or WT, but WB.
Scotty: You abused me so many times, I'm having trouble hearing. What letters go on the shield?
Sam: WB! WB! WB! WB! WB! WB! WB! WB! WB! WB! WB! WB!
(WB Shield pops up 12 times on the screen)
Sam: THAT DOES IT, SCOTTY! YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU'RE---
Wally: We forbid you to fire Scotty without our approval, Sam!
Dave: And that's an order!
Sam: I'm surrounded by insubordinates! I want justice!
(Lucifer and Lucretia McEvil)
[ViD Theme]
Dave: Oh sludge! It's Lucifer and Lucretia McEvil!
Lucifer: Correct, davemadson.
Lucretia: It's nice to see you again.
Sam: Oh sphincter! I ask for justice and I get these infernal imps barging in here!
Lucifer: We love how you treat Scotty! Keep it up!
Lucretia: Now's my chance to get it on with you, Dave!
Dave: As enticing as your charms are, Lucretia, you are still too dangerous for me!
Lucertia: Oh Dave! I'm not that dangerous for you, am I?
God: You certainly are!
Angela the Angel: Are these denizens of the dungeon of doom disturbing you again?
Guy the White: We'll beat them back for you.
Lucifer: Meddlers! We claim davemadson as ours!
Lucretia: Steal him from us and we'll shit all over him!
Guy the White: That is disgusting!
Angela the Angel: That vile act only sickens the victim!
God: If you soil him, you'll feel My Wrath!
Lucifer: No meddling! I mean it! Let's get him, Lucretia!
Lucretia: Right, Lucifer! Bombs---
*THUNDER!*
God: Never challenge My Authority again! Ever!
Lucifer: Get a hold of yourself, Lucifer.
You know your limits.
Stay
cool.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum
is
coming
on
now!
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP!
I HATE IT WHEN THE ALMIGHTY THWARTS ME!
I STILL SAY WHAT'S MINE IS MINE, YOU HEAR ME?
MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE!!
*BOOM!*
Lucretia: Look what you did! You made Lucifer throw a tantrum!
God: Like I said, never challenge My Authority!
Dave: You heard it from the Highest Authority! Begone!
Lucretia: You piss me off, davemadson! Now you're gonna get it! Bombs away!
*CENSORED!!!*
[PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP]
Dave: Gugh! You infernal waste dumper! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww!
[davemadson barfing]
Lucretia: That'll teach you, Dave! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
God: Go back where you came from, you maleficent marauders!
[God zaps strong powers to Lucifer and Lucretia McEvil]
Lucifer and Lucretia McEvil: We defy you! We defy you! We defy you! We defy---
*GIGANTIC EXPLOSION!!*
[Lucifer and Lucretia McEvil fall back through the LT rings]
*THUD!*
Lucifer: Curses! Foiled again! These hard landings hurt! Ouch!
Lucretia: Oh Dave, if only I could have you for myself! Oh, our aching sphincters!
Lucifer and Lucretia McEvil: OW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!!
Guy the White: We've cleaned you up, Dave.
Angela the Angel: You may resume your video.
Dave: Thanks for sending those double-dealing do-badders back where they belong.
God: You're welcome.
Lucifer and Lucretia McEvil: Oh sphincter!
(Rhonda Raven)
Rhonda: Hi there!
Dave: Hi, Rhonda.
Sam: Who's Rhonda?
Rhonda: Rhonda Raven. Dave just hired me last week.
Dave: We met during our recent vacation. She rescued me from a drooping branch that was halfway up a steep hill.
Rhonda: Dave took a liking to my ability to fly.
Wally: That's how she got the name Raven.
Beulah: Abby, don't you feel jealous?
Abby: Not at all, Beulah. I've taken a liking to Wally.
Wally: Can we double-date with you and Rhonda?
Dave: Sure, Wally. We can take the car to keep Rhonda's powers inconspicuous.
Rhonda: Where should we go, Dave?
Dave: Where else?
Davemadson: Chez Monyou!!
Scotty: Oh salmonella!
Sam: Places everyone! Roll camera! Shoe the keeld!
(SK)
(Shoe the Keeld Pictures Inc.)
Dave: "Shoe the keeld?"
Scotty: What's a keeld?
Mike: Shoe the keeld!
Mary: Stow the mizzen mast!
Anna: Batten down the hatches!
Dave: Ship ahoy!
(SA)
(Ship Ahoy! Pictures Inc.)
Jimmy: Ship ahoy!
Hank: Red sails in the sunset!
Harvey Zilth: Second star to the right and straight on till morning.
Sidney: The hatches are already battened down.
Dave: Batten them down again! We'll teach those hatches!
(HB)
(Hatches Battened Pictures Inc.)
Beulah: Don't count your battens before they hatch.
Abby: Does anyone know what a keeld is?
Sam: A keeld?
LH Michael: Yeah, Sam.
LH Michelle: You said "shoe the keeld."
Sam: Sorry, just a slip of the tongue.
(ST)
(Slip of the Tongue Pictures Inc.)
Wally: A slip of the tongue ruins the shoe.
Rhonda: So that's what you do to a keeld! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Sam: Roll camera! Cue shield!
(Q)
(Q Shield Pictures Inc.)
Dave: "Q Shield?" That's lame!
RoboSoft 3: That's NOT lame, Dave!
Dave: That is SO lame, RoboSoft 3, and don't you deny it again! Ever!
RoboSoft 3: Okay, Dave, you asked for it!
(The WB letters fly out of the shield!)
*SMASH!*
Dave: Gad! Low-bridged again!
RoboSoft 3: When I say NOT LAME, Dave, I mean NOT LAME!
Dave: Somebody get these letters off of me!
Rhonda: Hang on, Dave! I'll pry them off.
RoboSoft 3: Later, after Rhonda pried the letters off of Dave...
(LJ)
(Lame Jokes Pictures Inc.)
Mike: Lame Jokes Pictures presents:
Mary: A limp motion picture.
Anna: And a lame baker makes a limp biscuit! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
RoboSoft 3: "A limp biscuit?" Gross! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww!
[RoboSoft 3 barfing]
(WB)
(Warner Bros. Pictures Inc. Presents - Looney Looney Looney Looney Looney Looney Looney Looney)
Scotty: Looney Looney Looney Looney Looney Looney Looney Looney.
Jimmy: All the world's a looney.
Hank: The inmates take over the asylum.
Harvey Zilth: One flew east, one flew west.
Sidney: One flew over the cuckoo's nest.
(WB)
(Warner Bros. Pictures Inc. Presents - Tunes Tunes Tunes Tunes Tunes Tunes Tunes Tunes)
Beulah: Tunes Tunes Tunes Tunes Tunes Tunes Tunes Tunes.
Abby: Let's turn on the radio!
Dave: Top Ten time on Radio CHAOS. What's your request?
Sam: Let's get the intro right for once.
Dave: And now, here's Microsoft Sam's request.
(WB)
(Warner Bros. Pictures Inc. Presents - Microsoft Sam's Request: "Let's Get The Intro Right For Once")
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: You bellowed at me again, Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam?
Sam: Yes, I bellowed at you again, Scotty! What follows the shield?
(WB)
(Warner Bros. Pictures Inc. Presents - WHAT?)
Sam: Scotty, if you fuck up the intro again, your ass is grass!
Scotty: Sheesh!
Davemadson: SHUSH THE SHEESH!
Wally: Sam, if you fire Scotty without our permission once more, your ass is grass!
Sam: Why can't I fire Scotty and make it stick?
Dave: Because we disapprove of your firing anyone without our approval, and we do care about rank!
Rhonda: That's telling him, Dave.
Sam: Take it easy, Sam.
You know you can't fight city hall.
Remain
calm.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP!
I'M SO SICK AND FUCKING TIRED OF HAVING MY DECISIONS OVERRIDDEN AROUND HERE!
I WANT TO BE THE BOSS, YOU HEAR ME?
ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES!!
*B-B-B-BOOM!*
Mike: Holy Schneikees! Did you see what just happened?
Mary: Sam's tantrum made his head explode.
Anna: That's what happens when you get angry one too many times.
Dave: Let's get Sam to the hospital.
RoboSoft 3: The gang rushed Sam to the hospital, where he received a replacement head. While Sam recuperated, the bloopers continued.
(WB)
(Looney Tunes)
Dave: What are you, a comedian or something?
Scotty: What do you mean, Dave?
Dave: The caption above the shield should read "Warner Bros. Pictures Inc." After that, the captions "Looney Tunes," "A Warner Bros. Cartoon" and "In Technicolor" appear.
Scotty: Got it, Your Dave-ship, sir!
(WB)
(Looney Tunes A Warner Bros. Cartoon in Technicolor)
Dave: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE!!
Jimmy: What in tarnation?
Hank: Dave's starting to act like Sam used to act.
Harvey Zilth: I think he's coming down with "Microsoft Sam's Disease."
Sidney: "Microsoft Sam's Disease?"
(WB)
(Warner Bros. Pictures Inc. Presents - Microsoft Sam's Disease)
Beulah: "Microsoft Sam's Disease?"
Abby: What's Microsoft Sam's Disease?
LH Michael: It's a condition that occurs in the brain that makes you want to treat people mercilessly.
LH Michelle: Namely, it's making Dave abuse Scotty the way Sam used to before he blew his own head off.
Dave: You know what the penalty is for constantly screwing up the intro, Scotty?
Scotty: What, Dave? *CROTCH KICK!* Ouch! You shithead! Owww!
Dave: AND NEXT TIME YOU SCREW IT UP, YOU'LL GET WORSE!
Wally: Jeez Louise, Dave! Can't you just turn down the volume?
Dave: TURN DOWN FOR WHAT??
Rhonda: Looks like Dave needs cooling off, Wally.
Wally: Good idea, Rhonda.
RoboSoft 3: Rhonda took Dave upstairs to calm him down. The next day...
SPECIAL NEWS BULLETIN!
Harvey Zilth: This is Harvey Zilth with a special news bulletin. A spokesperson at City Hospital says Microsoft Sam is doing fine with his new head and he is expected to be released today. Meanwhile, there have been reported sightings in the city of a stranger claiming to be Sam. We'll keep you posted as conditions warrant.
Rhonda: Do you feel better now, Dave?
Dave: Much better, Rhonda. And I'm sorry I acted that way toward Scotty.
Scotty: I accept your apology, Dave.
(Evil Sam)
[Closet Killer music breaking down]
Wally: Now what is this creature that just barged in here?
Evil Sam: I'm Microsoft Sam.
Mike: You can't be Sam.
Mary: Sam doesn't have red skin.
Anna: And neither does he have horns.
Evil Sam: I said I am Microsoft Sam.
Dave: No you're not.
Evil Sam: Yes I am.
Dave: No you're not!
Evil Sam: Yes I am!
Sam: Is there anything I can help you with?
Dave: Microsoft Sam! You came back!
Sam: Lucky for me, the doctors remembered what my head looked like.
Evil Sam: You can't be Sam. I'm Sam.
Scotty: I'm confused. Which one is the real Sam?
Sam: I'm Sam, and this asswipe in a devil suit is an impostor!
Evil Sam: Quit lying or I'll kick you in the crow's nest!
Sam: It's not a crow's nest; it's a crotch!
Evil Sam: Watch it or I'll whack you with a fency paast!
Dave: Not "fency paast" - "fence post!"
(Lucretia McEvil)
[ViD Theme]
Dave: Yipes! Lucretia McEvil!
Lucretia: In the flesh, Dave!
Sam: Where's Lucifer?
Lucretia: He's in a meeting with the Chairman.
Wally: Who's this Chairman?
Evil Sam: He's the one whom we answer to in Hades.
Lucretia: He acts as the top agent to the Great Deceiver himself.
Sam: So! This impostor is in league with the dark realm!
Dave: What happened to your tail, Lucretia?
Lucretia: The Chairman removed it. He refuses to give it back unless we take all of you to Hades.
God: That will never happen without conclusive proof of guilt!
Angela the Angel: I see these netherworld no-goodniks are up to no good again.
Guy the White: We'll negate their nefarious plot.
Evil Sam: Not so fast! You must let us take these goody-goodies to Hades!
Lucretia: If you refuse, we'll shit all over them!
Guy the White: Disgusting!
Angela the Angel: It only sickens them!
Evil Sam: Sickens them? That's scandalous!
Lucretia: The intent is not to sicken them, but to brand them as property of our realm!
God: My Will forbids that! Begone, you pests of perdition!
[God zaps powers to Evil Sam and Lucretia]
*B-B-B-BOOM!*
[Evil Sam and Lucretia fall back through the LT rings]
*SMASH!*
Evil Sam: Curses! The Chairman will be furious when he finds out we failed!
Lucretia: Say no more, Evil Sam! That landing fractured half of our bones!
Evil Sam and Lucretia: OW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!!
Guy the White: We've sent those pests of perdition back to their putrid lair.
Angela the Angel: You may resume your video.
Dave: Thank God!
God: You're welcome.
Evil Sam and Lucertia: Oh colitis!
(WB)
(Warner Bros. Pictures Inc. Presents)
*BOOM!*
(W s P c P s)
Dave: All right, who blew up the shield?
Scotty: Not me.
Jimmy: Not me.
Hank: Not me.
Harvey Zilth: Not me.
Sidney: Not me.
Dave: Somebody's lying.
Scotty: Not me.
Jimmy: Not me.
Hank: Not me.
Harvey Zilth: Not me.
Sidney: Not me.
Dave: One of you is lying! Who blew up the shield?
Sam: I did.
Mike: You?
Mary: You?
Anna: You?
Beulah: You?
Abby: You?
LH Michael: You?
LH Michelle: You?
Wally: You?
Rhonda: You?
Sam: That's right. Guess the joke's on all of you! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
Dave: Well, that's a load off of my mind!
Rhonda: What say we go out to eat?
Sam: Not Chez Monyou again!
Dave: This time it's a different place.
Scotty: And that is?
Davemadson: Hugh Jass Burgers! One look at our special and you'll say: "That's one Hugh Jass burger!"
Sam: Oh botulism!
The rings: OWWWW! Sorry.
Sam: Did you hurt yourself?
Dave: Just banged my fingers on the door when I came in.
Scotty: Places everyone! Roll camera! Cue the shield!
Sam: Those are my lines, Scotty!
Scotty: In the words of Steve Martin, well excuuuuuuuuuuuuse meee!
(W)
(Warner Pictures Inc.)
Mike: Warner Pictures.
Mary: Where did the B go?
Anna: Probably looking for flowers.
(B)
(Bros. Inc.)
Jimmy: Brothers Inc.
Hank: Everything but the kitchen sink.
Harvey Zilth: We found the B.
Sam: But where's the W?
Sidney: At the risk of sounding lame, we used the W to retrieve the B.
Sam: Uh... yeah.
(WB)
(Warner Bwos. Pictuwes Inc.)
Beulah: Warner Bwothers Pictuwes Inc?
Abby: Who's their boss? Elmer Fudd?
Dave: [Imitating Elmer Fudd] Ooh, that wascawwy wabbit!
(WB)
(Warner Bros. Punctures Inc.)
LH Michael: Warner Brothers Punctures presents:
LH Michelle: A Flat Tire Production.
Sam: That's why Scotty's always late. He keeps getting a flat tire! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! *CROTCH KICK!* SOI!!
Scotty: That'll teach you to abuse me, Sam!
Wally: Way to go, Scotty!
Rhonda: Payback!
Sam: Is there no justice anymore?
(WB)
(Wicked Beings Pictures Inc.)
Sign: Hades (The Underworld) If Trump tries to build a wall here, he'll lose his annexation privilege!
[ViD Theme]
Chairman: Lucifer and Lucretia, step forward.
Lucifer: We come as you command, Mr. Chairman.
Lucretia: For what purpose have you summoned us?
Chairman: Our master is extremely pissed that you keep failing to bring davemadson and his friends here.
Lucifer: It's not our fault that we keep getting thwarted, sir.
Lucretia: The Almighty and His so-called angels keep refusing to let us take them on the grounds that we refused to show conclusive proof of guilt!
Chairman: You asswipes! Don't you know that the accused ones are FORBIDDEN to know the proof against them?
Lucifer: The Almighty keeps rejecting our secrecy rules because our pursuit of davemadson and his friends is not a security matter!
Chairman: Our master is sick and fucking tired of such irrelevant statements! Not only will you remain without tails, but you are suspended from all earthly activity until further notice!
Lucretia: Oh sphincter!
(WB)
(Warren Bros. Pictures Inc.)
Sam: Uh, Scotty?
Scotty: Yeah, Sam?
Sam: Who are the Warren brothers?
Scotty: They used to live down the street from us.
(WB)
(Werner Bros. Pictures Inc.)
Mike: It's the Werner brothers again.
Mary: Maybe they're rocket scientists, like Dr. Wernher von Braun.
Anna: Fly me to the moon! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Sam: Great idea, Anna. But first, I'll send Scotty on a one-way trip to Mars.
Scotty: Sheesh!
Davemadson: Shush the sheesh!
(Westinghouse)
Announcer: You can be sure... if it's Westinghouse.
Jimmy: Westinghouse.
Hank: Eastinghouse.
Harvey Zilth: Northinghouse.
Sidney: Southinghouse.
Sam: And Scotty will be in the doghouse if he doesn't get me the proper logo.
Dave: And if Sam fires Scotty once more without our permission, he'll be going to the moon! Bang! Zoom!
Sam: Oh strewth!
(NBC Peacock)
Announcer: The following program is brought to you in Living Color on NBC.
Beulah: Living Color.
Abby: Colors come alive.
LH Michael: Roy G. Biv is alive and well.
LH Michelle: And living in a spectrum.
Sam: I've had enough, Scotty! Pack up! You're fired!
Scotty: Fired? FIRED!?
Wally: Oh no you don't, Sam!
Dave: Scotty, you're re-hired.
Scotty: Thanks, Dave.
Sam: Dave and Wally, I accuse the both of you of mutiny!
Wally: Mutiny schmutiny! You just can't seem to accept that Dave and I outrank you and we care about rank!
Sam: But I was in these videos before Dave was. Why can't I be the boss?
Dave: Because I created this studio, that's why!
Rhonda: That's telling him, Dave!
Sam: I'm sick of never getting my way around here! Take this, you bitch! *CROTCH KICK!* OW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!!
Rhonda: Tricked ya, Sam! You didn't know I had lead pants on!
Sam: The Surgeon General should declare the wearing of lead pants hazardous to your health! Oh, my busted foot! OW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!!
Anna: Hang on, Sam.
RoboSoft 3: Later, after Anna healed Sam's broken foot...
(Red NYET)
Dave: Oh sludge! It's that Red NYET again!
Red NYET: That's correct, davemadson.
Mike: The Red NYET's back again?
Mary: This can only mean one thing.
Anna: Our studio has been hacked.
Sam: Russian hackers?
Scotty: I'll bet that hacker's name is Vladimir.
Dave: Vladimir, knock it off!
Red NYET: "Vladimir Knock-it-off?" Hah! It's not hackers that sent me here, it's the Chairman of Hades!
Dave: What does he want with us?
Red NYET: He's demanding the Almighty sign a decree of damnation against you.
Dave: And if the Almighty refuses to sign for lack of credible evidence?
Red NYET: We have ways of making you surrender!
(Angry P-Head and Two-Headed P-Head)
Sam: Oh earwigs! It's the Angry P-Head and Two-Headed P-Head!
Angry P-Head: Yes, it's us!
Two-Headed P-Head: We have orders to take you to Hades!
Dave: For your information, the Almighty KNOWS of your evil plot to abduct us without first showing conclusive proof of guilt!
Angry P-Head: You are forbidden to know proof, and you and your friends are summarily guilty!
Two-Headed P-Head: Come with us to Hades or we'll shit all over you!
Anna: Don't you dare get filthy with us!
Red NYET: Don't tell us what not to do, you harlot!
Anna: I am not a harlot!
Angry P-Head: You are too a harlot!
Two-Headed P-Head: Admit it, you harlot!
Anna: I said I am not a harlot!
Red Nyet and Angry P-Head and Two-Headed P-Head: Harlot! Harlot! Harlot! Harlot! Harlot!
Anna: Don't you dare taunt me! Take this!
[Anna zaps powers to the Red NYET and Angry P-Head and Two-Headed P-Head]
*B-B-B-BOOM!*
Anna: There! That'll teach those knock-offs not to mess with us!
(Vulcanna Ash)
[Closet Killer music breaking down]
Vulcanna Ash: Another intruder?
Dave: Call security!
Vulcanna Ash: You must be joking. All security here has been dismantled.
Dave: Who are you?
Vulcanna Ash: The name's Vulcanna Ash, and I've come for you.
Rhonda: You leave Dave alone! He's mine!
Vulcanna Ash: Do you mind? Leave us alone!
[Vulcanna Ash zaps powers to Rhonda]
*B-B-B-BOOM!*
[Rhonda falls down through the LT rings]
[THUD!]
Dave: You monster! Look what you just did to Rhonda!
Sam: Where did she go?
Rhonda on the ground: Over here, Sam and Dave. And I'm all right. This Vulcanna Ash really packs some heat!
Vulcanna Ash: Now's my chance!
[SPROING!]
[WHUMP!]
Dave: Gad! You're a real heavyweight, Vulcanna Ash!
Vulcanna Ash: You ain't seen nothing yet, kiddo!
God: What's going on here?
Angela the Angel: Is this underworld concubine making a move on you?
Guy the White: We'll get her off of you in a jiffy.
Vulcanna Ash: Do you mind? I'm taking Dave to see the Chairman in Hades!
God: Not without conclusive proof of guilt against him! And don't you dare invoke secrecy rules because this is not a security matter!
Vulcanna Ash: That statement is irrelevant!
God: Don't becloud the issue! No one overrules Me!
Vulcanna Ash: Either you sign a decree of damnation against davemadson or I shall be forced to shit all over him!
Guy the White: Disgusting!
Angela the Angel: No matter what you say, that vile act only sickens the victim!
God: And I forbid all talk of such an act branding the victim as yours because no conclusive proof of guilt exists!
Dave: You heard it from the Highest Authority! Begone!
Vulcanna Ash: You piss me off, davemadson! Now you're gonna get it! Bombs away!
*CENSORED!!*
[FWOOSH! FWOOSH! FWOOSH!]
Sam: Hah! She didn't soil Dave!
Dave: All she did was break wind!
Vulcanna Ash: You tricked me! I feel like my rectum is on fire! Ouch!
God: Like I said, no one overrules Me! I'm sending you back where you belong!
[God zaps powers to Vulcanna Ash]
*B-B-B-BOOM!*
[Vulcanna Ash falls through the LT rings]
*SMASH!*
Vulcanna Ash: Curses! Thwarted by the Almighty! Oh, my burning rectum! OW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!!
Rhonda: Whew! That was hard work, climbing out of that hole.
Dave: At least you're all right.
Guy the White: We sent that leech of lust back to the land of the lost.
Angela the Angel: You may resume your video.
Dave: Thanks for saving us again.
God: And I'll remind the Chairman that no power of darkness can overcome Mine.
Vulcanna Ash: Oh bleeding ulcers!
(WB)
(A Warner Bros. Cartoon in Technicolor That's All Folks!)
Scotty: Oops! Methinks we goofed again!
Sam: Youthinks right, Scotty. We can try again.
Dave: Uh, not now. Let's take the rest of the day off.
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMM!!
Dave: At it already?
Sam: We're just practicing, Dave.
Scotty: We're arguing over who stole the practice tee.
(PT)
(Practice Tee Pictures Inc.)
Mike: Practice Tee Pictures presents:
Mary: A Golf Rehearsal Production.
Anna: It's what golfers drink before a round. Practice tea! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Davemadson: Not funny!
Anna: Sorry.
(WB)
(Warner Bogeys Pictures Inc.)
Scotty: Warner Bogeys.
Jimmy: I didn't know Warners had golf courses.
Hank: Four!
Harvey Zilth: Five!
Sidney: Six!
Sam: Get it right!
Scotty: Oh sand traps!
(WB)
(Warner Baseball Pictures Inc.)
Beulah: Warner Baseball Pictures presents:
Abby: A Home Run Production.
LH Michael: For it's one, two, three strikes you're out.
LH Michelle: At the old ballgame.
Sam: Scotty will be out if he doesn't get the captions right.
Dave: And Sam will get his brains bashed in if he fires Scotty without our approval.
Sam: Oh sphincter!
(WB)
(Warner Blunders Pictures Inc.)
Wally: Warner Blunders.
Rhonda: Warners' annual blooper reel.
Sam: Brothers.
Scotty: What?
Sam: Brothers, Scotty. Brothers.
Scotty: Oh brother!
(BB)
(Bros. Bros. Pictures Inc.)
Mike: Brothers Brothers?
Mary: Next we'll have Sisters Sisters.
Sam: Don't give them any ideas, Mary!
Mary: Sorry.
(SS)
(Sisters Sisters Pictures Inc.)
Anna: Sisters Sisters.
Jimmy: Nuns on the run.
Hank: What would you call nuns on wheels?
Harvey Zilth: Holy rollers!
Sidney: Get thee to a nunnery!
(WS)
(Warner Sisters Pictures Inc.)
LH Michael: Warner Sisters.
LH Michelle: They must be our new neighbors.
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!! YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU'RE FIRED!!
Scotty: Fired? FIRED!?
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP!
SAM, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO FIRE ME!
RE-HIRE ME OR I'LL KILL MYSELF
YOU ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE!!
*BOOM!*
(WT)
(Wrongful Termination Pictures Inc.)
Sam: What do you mean "wrongful termination?" Scotty's firing is justified, you hear? Justified!
Wally: Justified my ass!
Dave: Scotty, you're re-hired.
Scotty: Thanks, Dave.
*TRIPLE CROTCH KICK!*
Dave: OW-UCH!!
Scotty: You shithead, Sam! Owww!
Wally: Explain yourself, Sam!
Sam: I want authority around here!
Rhonda: You do have some authority here, Sam.
Dave: We're talking about rank!
Sam: Why should I give a shit about rank? And how come you're never guilty of mutiny when you or Wally override me?
Wally: Because Dave created this studio, Sam.
Dave: And don't you go Donald Trump on us and try to seize control in this studio, you dig?
Sam: Yessir. Asswipe! *CROTCH KICK!* SOI!!
(SB)
(Soi Bros. Pictures Inc.)
Mike: Soi Brothers?
Mary: Do they date the Rofl Sisters?
Anna: I know what they serve for breakfast: soy waffles! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
(SW)
(Soy Waffles Pictures Inc.)
Jimmy: Soy waffles.
Hank: Waffles for healthy living.
Harvey Zilth: Start the day right.
Sidney: And eat light.
Sam: I've had it with you, Scotty!
Scotty: Put me down, Sam!
Beulah: You heard Scotty, Sam! Put him down!
Sam: Scotty's job was to get the intro right, and he hasn't been doing it! Out you go! Out out out out out out out!
*THUD!*
Dave: We warned you against firing Scotty without our permission, Sam!
Sam: Put me down! This is mutiny!
Dave: Mutiny, schmutiny! You don't own this studio, Sam! Get out and stay out!
*THUD!*
Dave: Now let's go get Scotty and bring him back before he kills himself.
RoboSoft 3: Later, after the gang found Scotty, talked him out of suicide, and brought him back...
(SB)
(Suicide Bros. Pictures Inc.)
Beulah: Suicide Brothers.
Abby: Do they date the Nihilist Sisters?
Dave: That is L-A-M-E lame!
RoboSoft 3: That is NOT lame, Dave!
Dave: I take it back. That wasn't lame; only worn.
RoboSoft 3: Take it easy, RoboSoft 3. Stay... Cool... Uh-oh! Tantrum... is... coming... on... now! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT! YOU TRICKED ME, DAVEMADSON! I CAN'T STAND BEING TRICKED YOU SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH!!
*BOOM!*
LH Michael: Well, look at that!
LH Michelle: RoboSoft 3 just threw a tantrum.
Dave: Turnabout is fair play.
RoboSoft 3: Sorry about that tantrum, Dave, but you know I can't stand being tricked.
Dave: At least you didn't throw the letters at me again.
(RB)
(Revenge Bros. Pictures Inc.)
Sam: Aha! Reach for the sky!
Wally: What is the meaning of this, Sam?
Rhonda: Why are you holding us all at gunpoint?
Dave: Now put that gun down and we'll have a nice long talk.
Sam: You're all under arrest for mutiny! And Scotty is banned from working in this studio again! Ever!
Dave: Drop the charges and lift the ban, Sam! Can't you get it through that thick head of yours that I own this studio?
Sam: I was in these videos before you, Dave! Let me have control in this studio, or else I'll shoot!
Dave: You can't do that, Sam! That's MURDER!!
Sam: Fuck you, Dave! Fuck all of you! Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you!
RoboSoft 3: Before Sam could fire a single shot, Dave knocked the gun out of his hand. Then, Wally and Rhonda washed Sam's mouth out with soap.
Sam: Bleh! Gugh! Not Lifebuoy! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww!
[Sam barfing]
Rhonda: This should teach Sam a lesson in power seizures.
Wally: And Sam, don't ever threaten us again over the issue of Scotty's employment here!
Sam: Sorry, Wally. I guess I went out of my head.
Dave: You're lucky you didn't lose it, Sam.
(Vulcanna Ash)
[Closet Killer music breaking down]
Dave: Zounds! Vulcanna Ash!
Vulcanna Ash: Correct, Dave.
Dave: What are you doing back here?
Rhonda: You leave Dave alone! He's mine!
Vulcanna Ash: I didn't come to take Dave away from you. I came to bring a message from the Chairman of Hades.
Sam: The Chairman of Hades?
Scotty: What does he want?
Vulcanna Ash: He banned Lucifer and Lucretia from making any more earthly appearances.
Dave: Good riddance to bad rubbish!
Vulcanna Ash: He wants all of you to surrender.
Dave: We'll do nothing of the kind!
God: What's going on here?
Angela the Angel: Is this netherworld nymphomaniac needling you again?
Guy the White: We'll send her back.
Vulcanna Ash: No more interference from you meddlers! Let me take Dave for myself or else I'll shit all over him!
Guy the White: Disgusting!
Angela the Angel: It can only sicken him!
God: Tell your Chairman that the only way he can claim any soul is by showing conclusive proof of guilt! The Almighty has spoken!
Dave: You heard it from the Highest Authority! Begone!
Vulcanna Ash: Your rejection of me just pisses me off, davemadson! I'm gonna give it to you good! Bombs away!
*CENSORED!!!*
[PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP]
Dave: Gugh! You infernal waste dumper! Eeeewww! EEEEEEEEWWWW!!
[davemadson barfing]
Vulcanna Ash: That'll teach you to reject me, Dave! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
God: Never defy My Authority! Take that!
[God zaps powers to Vulcanna Ash]
*B-B-B-BOOM!*
[Vulcanna Ash falls down through the LT rings]
[SMASH!]
Vulcanna Ash: Curses! Beaten again! I'm telling the Chairman on you! Oh, my aching sphincter! OW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!!
Guy the White: We've cleaned you up, Dave.
Angela the Angel: You may resume your video.
Dave: Thank God!
God: You're welcome.
Vulcanna Ash: Oh gonorrhea!
(The WB Shield stopped)
(W drop)
(B drop)
(Shield drop)
(Set drop)
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMM!!
Dave: QUIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!!
Wally: That's telling them, Dave!
Dave: Aren't you ashamed, Sam, taking every mishap out on Scotty? Especially when it was never his fault in the first place?
Sam: Sorry. It's just an old habit I can't shake.
Anna: I can help Sam overcome his old habits.
Rhonda: You do that, Anna. The rest of us can go out to dinner.
Dave: Great idea, Rhonda!
Sam: Where should we go?
Dave: Let's try that new place downtown.
Scotty: And that is?
Davemadson: Rhode Island Red's! The ideal place for a hen party!
Scotty: Oh listeria!
Sam: Places everyone!
Dave: Roll camera!
Scotty: Cue the shield!
(The rings)
Scotty: Oops! Forgot the shield.
(Warner Bros. Pictures Inc. caption)
Scotty: What am I, glutton for punishment?
(GP)
(Glutton for Punishment Pictures Inc.)
Mike: Glutton for Punishment Pictures presents:
Mary: A Lovable Loser Production.
Anna: Starring Sam as the man who always gives Scotty a hard time! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Sam: Very funny, Anna!
Anna: Sorry, Sam. I was only teasing you.
Sam: Now give me the shield, Scotty.
Scotty: Coming right up, boss!
(The Shield)
Jimmy: Blank shield.
Hank: What is this, Match Game?
Harvey Zilth: There's nothing on the shield.
Sidney: Can we write on it?
Sam: No you can not, and give me the letters!
Scotty: Here they come, Sam!
(The WB letters)
Beulah: First the shield without the letters, then the letters without the shield.
Abby: They look so exquisite that way.
Sam: Now how about putting the letters on the shield?
Scotty: Very well, if you want to get technical.
(The Letters on the Shield!)
LH Michael: Sam asked for the letters on the shield.
LH Michelle: And look what he got! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!
Dave: WHAT ARE YOU GUYS YELLING ABOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT??
Sam: Scotty keeps fucking up the intro, Dave!
Scotty: Well, tscha! Sam asked for the letters on the shield!
Sam: Yeah, but I didn't mean the words "the letters on the shield!"
Wally: I don't see why Sam should be upset about these bloopers.
Rhonda: We love them. They're funny! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Sam: Now listen up, Scotty. The letters on the shield should be WB.
Scotty: WB, Sam?
Sam: Yes. W as in Wisenheimer, B as in Blockhead.
Scotty: All right! Judas Priest, you make me feel like a total asswipe!
Sam: JUST GET IT DONE, SCOTTY!
Scotty: Sheesh!
Davemadson: SHUSH THE SHEESH!
(WB)
(Wisenheimer Blockhead Pictures Inc.)
Dave: "Wisenheimer Blockhead!" Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! *CROTCH KICK!* OW-UCH!! MICROSOFT SAM, YOU'RE FIRED!!
Sam: Fired? FIRED!?
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAPPITY CRAPPITY CRAPPITY CRAP!
DAVEMADSON, I'M SO SICK AND FUCKING TIRED OF BEING OVERRIDDEN!
I HAVE THE RIGHT TO FIRE PEOPLE AND MAKE IT STICK, YOU HEAR ME?
YOU ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE!!
*BOOM!*
Anna: Are you all right, Sam?
Sam: I'm all right, Anna. I don't think it was fair of Dave to fire me.
Dave: When will you ever learn that this is MY studio, Sam?
Sam: But I was in these videos before you, Dave. Don't you think that justifies my right to be the boss?
Wally: We let you direct, and you just turn into a control freak.
Dave: And you can never make personnel moves around here without our approval, you dig?
Anna: May I make a request, Dave?
Dave: Go ahead, Anna.
Anna: If I take Sam to my retreat for some therapy, would you give him his job back?
Dave: If you can cure Sam of his control-freak tendencies, it's a deal.
RoboSoft 3: Anna took Sam to her retreat. Meanwhile, the bloopers continued.
(SB)
(Security Bros. Pictures Inc.)
Mike: Security Brothers.
Mary: For all your security system needs.
Sergeant C.J. O'Randolph: Excuse me, am I interrupting?
Dave: Not at all.
Sergeant C.J. O'Randolph: I'm Sergeant C.J. O'Randolph of the 33rd Precinct. Our department has been investigating reports of a mysterious entity hovering over the area.
Scotty: A mysterious entity?
Beulah: Dave shouldn't worry, Sarge.
Abby: We've got protection.
Rhonda: That's right. I can use my powers to protect Dave from any adversaries we may run across.
Sergeant C.J. O'Randolph: This entity may be too powerful for you. You had best stay out of sight until we can get rid of it.
Rhonda: Then there's only one thing to do. Dave, we'll need to go into hiding.
Dave: That's a great idea, Rhonda.
Wally: Be careful, Dave and Rhonda.
Dave: I'm sure this mysterious entity knows nothing of the hideaway.
Rhonda: We'll come back when the heat's off.
Wally: Good. Incidentally, don't go out through the--- [SMASH!] ---ceiling.
Rhonda: Sorry.
(EB)
(Escape Bros. Pictures Inc.)
Jimmy: Escape Brothers.
Hank: They'll help you get away from it all.
Harvey Zilth: Need a relaxing vacation to escape the humdrum world?
Sidney: Call the Escape Brothers!
(EB)
(Entity Bros. Pictures Inc.)
LH Michael: Do you feel a kind of electric charge in the air, Michelle?
LH Michelle: It sure isn't just static, Michael.
Sergeant C.J. O'Randolph: Stay clear. The entity is coming.
Wally: The entity?
*BOOM!*
[ViD Theme]
Sergeant C.J. O'Randolph: Who are you?
Chairman: I'm the Chairman of Hades.
Mike: The Chairman of Hades?
Mary: What do you want with us?
Chairman: It's not you I'm after; it's davemadson and Microsoft Sam.
Wally: They've gone into hiding along with Microsoft Anna and Rhonda Raven.
Chairman: All the legions of Hades have gone in strike in protest of Lucifer and Lucretia's suspension from all earthly appearances.
Sergeant C.J. O'Randolph: If they want Dave and Sam, they're out of luck. The Almighty and His angels are making sure your infernal forces never possess them.
Chairman: Although I'm pissed-off too, under the influence of the Almighty, I've been forced to lift the ban on Lucifer and Lucretia's earthly apperances.
Wally: Fair warning: harm any of us and we'll call on the Almighty and His angels to beat your legions back!
Chairman: We'll still find ways to get around those meddlers! Till we meet again...
*BOOM!*
RoboSoft 3: Upon hearing that the Chairman returned to his dark realm, Sam, Anna, Dave and Rhonda left the hideaway.
(HB)
(Homeward Bound Pictures Inc.)
Sam in flight: Thanks for the therapy, Anna. I promise never to mistreat Scotty anymore.
Anna in flight: Promises, promises, Sam. Always promises.
Sam in flight: This one I'll keep.
Anna in flight: I know, Sam. I can never stay mad at you no matter how hard I try.
Dave in flight: Are you sure it's safe to return, Rhonda?
Rhonda in flight: I'm positive, Dave. Sergeant O'Randolph told me that the entity returned to the dark world from whence it came.
Dave in flight: And we were just having fun in our hideaway.
Rhonda in flight: As soon as we get home, Dave, we can have more fun.
(WB)
(Warner Bros. Pictures Inc. Presents - LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOney Tunes)
Scotty: Uh-oh! Methinks we goofed again!
Jimmy: Youthinks right, Scotty.
Hank: One too many O's in Looney.
Harvey Zilth: That makes it really looney.
Sidney: I couldn't have said it better.
(Warner Bros. Pictures Inc. Presents - Looney TUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUnes)
Beulah: Looks like the U key got stuck.
Abby: How many U's are there in Tunes?
Sam: I think one ought to be plenty.
Scotty: Sam! You came back!
Sam: And I apologize for the way I treated you.
Anna: I had to zap Sam again and again, but he doesn't mind it.
Dave: As long as you keep finding the zone, Anna, Sam can behave normally.
Rhonda: What was that entity that just visited here?
Sergeant C.J. O'Randolph: It was the Chairman of Hades. He seemed incredibly pissed.
Sam: That can only mean one thing.
Dave: Some evil adversaries may come after us.
Rhonda: No matter what they try, they can't get us.
Anna: We'll have divine protection.
(Lucifer and Lucretia McEvil)
[ViD Theme]
Sam: Oh buggers!
Dave: Lucifer and Lucretia McEvil!
Lucifer: We've come back, as we vowed we would.
Lucretia: The Chairman allowed us to visit you, but we can't get our tails back yet.
Anna: And you don't have your pointed stick with you either.
Rhonda: Entities of evil are no match for divine powers.
Lucifer: Not so fast! I claim Sam as my own!
Sam: You let go of me, you brute!
Lucretia: And I claim Dave! Let's make out!
Dave: You're too dangerous for me, Lucretia!
God: What's going on here?
Angela the Angel: Are these netherworld ne'er-do-wells giving you a hard time?
Guy the White: We'll send them back to their sinister lair.
Lucifer: Meddlers! Sam and Dave belong to us!
Lucretia: Steal them from us and we'll shit all over them!
Guy the White: Disgusting!
Angela the Angel: No matter what you say, that vile act only sickens the victims!
God: Soil them and feel My Wrath! And no matter what your Chairman says, I will not allow you to claim anyone without first showing conclusive proof of guilt!
Lucifer and Lucretia McEvil: Scandalous!
God: Not scandalous!
Lucifer and Lucretia McEvil: Scandalous!
God: Not scandalous!
Lucifer and Lucretia McEvil: Scandalous!
God: Not scandalous!
Lucifer: Stop pissing us off! Let's get them, Lucretia!
Lucretia: Right, Lucifer! Bombs---
[THUNDER!]
God: My Authority can never be superseded! Take this, you greedy soul-grabbers!
[God zaps powers to Lucifer and Lucretia McEvil]
Lucifer and Lucretia McEvil: We defy you! We defy you! We defy you! We ---
*GIGANTIC EXPLOSION!!*
[Lucifer and Lucretia McEvil fall through the LT rings]
[THUD!]
Lucifer: Curses! Foiled again! Enough with the hard landings! OW-UCH!
Lucretia: We're coming back and we won't let anything stop us! Oh, my aching sphincter!
Lucifer & Lucretia: OW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!!
Guy the White: Good riddance to bad rubbish!
Angela the Angel: You may resume your video.
Dave: Thanks for sending those despicable desperadoes back to their dungeon of doom.
God: You're welcome.
Lucifer & Lucretia: Oh colonic flare-ups!
(WB)
(Warner Bros. Pictures Inc. Presents - Warner Bros. Pictures Inc. A Warner Bros. Cartoon in Technicolor)
Scotty: Oops! Screwed up again.
Sam: We almost got it, Scotty.
Dave: It's almost lunchtime. Let's all go out to eat, gang.
Rhonda: Splendid idea, Dave.
Scotty: Where should we go?
Dave: Where else?
Davemadson: CHEZ MONYOU!!
Scotty: Oh salmonella!
Sam: Let's get this show on the road!
Dave: Where to, Sam?
Sam: Where to what?
Scotty: You said "let's get this show on the road."
(RS)
(Road Show Pictures Inc.)
Mike: Where should we go?
Mary: New York?
Anna: Chicago?
Jimmy: Boston?
Hank: Philadelphia?
Harvey Zilth: Los Angeles?
Sidney: San Francisco?
Beulah: London?
Abby: Paris?
LH Michael: Rome?
LH Michelle: Tokyo?
Wally: Follow the stars.
Rhonda: Venus and Mars are all right tonight.
Dave: Nerdocrumbesia?
(NB)
(Nerdocrumbesia Bros. Pictures Inc.)
Sam: Where in the world is Nerdocrumbesia?
Scotty: Don't ask me. I'm still trying to figure out where Potsylvania is.
(PB)
(Potsylvania Bros. Pictures Inc.)
Mike: Potsylvania Brothers Pictures presents:
Mary: A Boris and Natasha Production.
Anna: "Looking for a Moose and Squirrel."
Dave: Hello! The Cold War ended a quarter-century ago!
Sam: I'm not a clock-watcher! Sheesh!
Davemadson: SHUSH THE SHEESH!
(CW)
(Cold War Pictures Inc.)
Jimmy: Cold War.
Hank: As opposed to Hot Peace?
Harvey Zilth: We're still fighting a war against the common cold.
Sidney: As opposed to the rare hot?
Dave: Lame!
RoboSoft 3: Not lame!
Dave: I say it's lame, and I mean L-A-M-E!
RoboSoft 3: Okay, Dave, you asked for it!
(WB letters flying out of the shield)
[THUD!]
Dave: One of these days, RoboSoft 3!
Rhonda: Don't worry, Dave. I'll pry the letters off of you.
RoboSoft 3: Later, after Rhonda pried the letters off of Dave...
(Ace Hardware)
Beulah: Ace Hardware.
Abby: I'll bet there's Ace Software too! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! *CROTCH KICK!* Ouch! Sam, stop kicing people in the crotch! Owww!
Dave: Sam, why did you kick Abby in the crotch?
Sam: She stole my laugh line, Dave!
Dave: That laugh line is in the public domain, Sam!
Sam: It's my property, Dave!
Dave: Public domain!
Sam: My property!
Dave: Public domain!
Sam: My property!
Dave: Public domain!
Sam: My property!
RoboSoft 3: The laugh line "Hahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl" is IN THE PUBLIC DOMAIN!
Dave: And don't you deny it again, Sam! Capeesh?
Sam: Yessir. Asswipe! *CROTCH KICK!* SOI!!
(Food Network)
LH Michael: Food Network.
LH Michelle: Dinners that come in a tube! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
(DreamWorks Studios)
Sam: Uh, Scotty?
Scotty: Yeah, Sam?
Sam: What are all these logos doing here?
Scotty: Search me, Sam!
Sam: Am I ever tempted!
Dave: Watch it, Sam! You promised never to harass Scotty again, remember?
Sam: Sorry, Dave.
(Buena Vista International)
Mike: Buena Vista.
Mary: Great panorama.
Anna: I'd love to have a room with a view, in a penthouse for two.
Sam: Later, Anna. I promise.
(Amway)
Jimmy: Amway?
Hank: What's an Amway?
Harvey Zilth: I don't know, but I'll bet it's very heavy.
Sidney: About 2 tons! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
RoboSoft 3: Now THAT joke was lame!
(Rankin-Bass)
[Rankin-Bass theme]
Beulah: Rankin Bass? What kind of fish is a Rankin Bass?
Abby: Such a fish may attract a lot of cats.
(Nyan Cat)
Abby: Oh strewth! It's that Nyan Cat again! Ah... Ahhh... Ah-CHOO!
*BOOM!*
Beulah: Gesundheit, Abby!
Abby: Thanks, Beulah. I guess my allergy came back.
LH Michael: Abby's allergy came back?
LH Michelle: She must be experiencing a relapse.
Wally: My nose never smokes like that when I sneeze.
Rhonda: I've got just the cure for that.
RoboSoft 3: Later, after Rhonda cured Abby of her cat allergy...
(WBTV 1950s Shield with the Warner Bros. Pictures Inc. caption)
Sam: That's the WB Shield?
Scotty: It doesn't look that way in Looney Tunes.
Dave: It's not THE WB Shield, it's A WB Shield.
Mike: That was used in Warners' TV shows in the 1950s and 1960s.
Mary: In shows like "Cheyenne" and "Maverick."
Anna: Go west, young shield! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
(Abstract WB with the Warner Bros. Pictures Inc. caption)
Jimmy: Here we go again.
Hank: The Abstract WB logo.
Harvey Zilth: We couldn't find a concrete one.
Sidney: Not even one made out of Creosote.
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!
Dave: QUIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!!
Beulah: That's telling them, Dave!
Abby: You know we're getting tired of Sam and Scotty's infighting!
Sam: Stay out of this, Abby, or I'll summon the Nyan Cat!
Abby: Oh noes! Not the Nyan Cat!
(Nyan Cat again)
Abby: Ah... Ahhh... Ah-CHOO!
*BOOM!*
Dave: Microsoft Sam?
Sam: What now, Dave?
Dave: YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU'RE FIRED!!
Sam: Fired? FIRED!?
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAPPITY CRAPPITY CRAPPITY CRAP!
DAVEMADSON, WHEN WILL YOU LET ME HAVE CONTROL IN THIS STUDIO?
AND WHEN WILL YOU ALLOW ME TO FIRE SCOTTY FOR HIS FUCKUPS AND PREVENT HIS RETURN?
I WANT JUSTICE, YOU HEAR ME?
ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE!!
*BOOM!*
LH Michael: Poor Sam. He's at it again.
LH Michelle: He's stricken with jealousy because Dave and Wally run the studio and he's only a director.
Wally: I think Sam needs professional help.
Rhonda: I'll let Anna handle this.
Anna: Now relax, Sam. This won't hurt a bit.
[Anna zaps powers to Sam]
*B-B-B-BOOM!*
Sam: Thanks, Anna.
Anna: You're welcome, Sam.
Dave: Now that we've cleared the clutter, let's work on the intro.
Scotty: Gotcha, Dave!
(Flying letters in opposite directions)
Mike: Did you see that, Mary?
Mary: That's the first time I've seen the letters fly off in opposite directions.
Anna: Now that is something completely different.
(WB)
(Warner Booze Pictures Inc.)
Jimmy: Warner Booze.
Hank: For when you need a quick one.
Harvey Zilth: Drink Warner Booze when you hear bad news.
Sidney: Warner Booze can chase down those blues.
Sam: This is an alcohol-free studio.
Scotty: Then what else is there to drink?
RoboSoft 3: Drink Friz! Six Delicious Flavors! Strawberry, Raspberry, Cherry, Orange, Lemon and Lime!
(WB)
(Warner Bombs Pictures Inc.)
Beulah: Warner Bombs. Pictures from the Warners studio that flopped at the box office.
Abby: And we're not even at war.
*BOOM!*
Abby: Of course, I could be wrong.
Davemadson: NOT FUNNY!
(WB)
(Warner Bros. Pictures Inc.)
*BOOM!*
(W s P c P s)
LH Michael: Holy Schneikees! Did you see that, Michelle?
LH Michelle: The WB Shield exploded again.
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!! YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO---
Dave: STOP BLAMING SCOTTY FOR THESE BLOOPERS, SAM!!
Wally: You know we love them!
Rhonda: They're funny!
Sam: Fuck you all! Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you!
RoboSoft 3: Later, after Dave, Wally, Anna and Rhonda washed Sam's mouth out with soap...
Sam: Bleh! Gugh! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww!
[Sam barfing]
Anna: Sorry we had to do that to you, Sam, but you needed to be taught a lesson.
Sam: My stomach! I'm poisoned!
Dave: I knew we shouldn't have used Lifebuoy.
Rhonda: I agree. Let's stick to Listerine.
Anna: I'll nurse Sam back to health while the rest of you go out to eat.
Wally: Good idea, Anna.
Scotty: So where are we going this time?
Dave: I thought you'd never ask.
Davemadson: Pissed-Off Pete's! The place to go when you need to let off steam!
Scotty: Oh gastritis!
[CRASH!]
Sam: What happened?
Scotty: It wasn't me, Sam.
Sam: I never said it was you, Scotty.
Dave: The rings fell apart again. Time out while we make repairs.
(Technical Difficulties Please Stand By screen)
[WD-40 jingle playing backwards]
Mike: "Whoa geezergut geezergut geezergut?"
Mary: What does that mean?
Anna: Sounds like space aliens.
(WG)
(Whoa Geezergut Pictures Inc.)
Jimmy: "Whoa geezergut geezergut geezergut?"
Hank: Is that what they're saying?
Harvey Zilth: Maybe it's "Bo, he's a good, he's a good, he's a good."
Sidney: Or it's "Go Pizza Hut, Pizza Hut, Pizza Hut."
(PH)
(Pizza Hut Pictures Inc.)
Beulah: Pizza Hut Pictures presents:
Abby: A Deep Dish Production.
Sam: Uh, Scotty?
Scotty: Yeah, Sam?
Sam: What's with the commercial plug?
Scotty: Tscha! The money has to come from somewhere, doesn't it?
(CP)
(Commercial Plug Pictures Inc.)
LH Michael: Commercial Plug Pictures presents:
LH Michelle: A Madison Avenue Production.
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!
Dave: [Yaaaaaaaawn!]
Sam: No yawning when I'm disciplining Scotty, Dave!
Wally: There's discipline, Sam, and there's abuse.
Dave: And we're sick and tired of your abusing Scotty!
Sam: As director, I do not abuse people; I discipline them!
Scotty: So what's wrong with a commercial plug?
Sam: I'll tell you what's wrong. IT COSTS ME MONEY, YOU ASSWIPE!!
Dave: No, Sam. You don't pay the advertisers; they pay you.
Sam: Well, that's different. Sorry I jumped on you, Scotty.
Scotty: Apology accepted, Sam.
Rhonda: And what were those voices really saying?
(YE)
(Ytrof Eedabud Eedabud Eedabud)
Dave: "Ytrof eedabud eedabud eedabud," not "Whoa geezergut geezergut geezergut," "Bo, he's a good, he's a good, he's a good," or "Go Pizza Hut, Pizza Hut, Pizza Hut." It's the old WD-40 jingle played backwards.
Mike: Those are real tongue twisters.
Mary: Like "the sixth sick sheik's sixth sick sheep's sick."
Anna: Or "thrice times three, twice times two."
Dave: Or even "rubber baby buggy bumpers."
Sam: Oh strewth!
(RB)
(Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers)
Sam: Rubber bubby bubba bubbers. Rubber baby booby bibbies.
Scotty: Sam's tongue is twisted! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! *CROTCH KICK!* Ouch! Not again, you shithead! Owww!
*CROTCH KICK!*
Sam: SOI!!
Dave: That was for kicking Scotty in the crotch, Sam!
Sam: But he stole my laugh line, Dave!
Dave: When are you gonna accept the fact that that laugh line is in the public domain?
Sam: He's right, Sam.
Just let it go.
Remain
calm.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP!
I'M SICK OF OTHER PEOPLE USING MY LAUGH LINE!
IT SHOULD BE MY PROPERTY, YOU HEAR ME?
MY PROPERTY MY PROPERTY MY PROPERTY MY PROPERTY MY PROPERTY MY PROPERTY MY PROPERTY MY PROPERTY!!
*BOOM!*
[Rhonda and Dave falling through the LT rings]
[THUD!]
Wally: Are you through, Sam?
Sam: I'm sorry, Wally. I shouldn't be so possessive of that laugh line.
Scotty: And your tantrum sent Rhonda and Dave falling through the rings.
Sam: Judas Priest! Where'd they go?
Anna: They're planted in the ground outside our front door.
Dave: Why must you do this to me, Sam?
Rhonda: Don't worry about it, Dave. Let's start digging our way out before the earthworms get us.
Jimmy: Sam's tantrum planted Rhonda and Dave in the ground?
Hank: Incredible.
Harvey Zilth: Such a thing usually happens in Funny Signs.
Sidney: We have a crossover!
(CO)
(Cross Over Pictures Inc.)
Beulah: Cross Over Pictures.
Abby: If you can cross over, we can cross over too.
(WB)
(Weather Bros. Pictures Inc.)
LH Michael: Weather Brothers.
LH Michelle: Cloudy with a chance of meatballs! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Davemadson: NOT FUNNY!
LH Michelle: Sorry.
(WB)
(Warner Blood Pictures Inc.)
Wally: Warner Blood.
Rhonda: Making movies is in their blood! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
(AB)
(Asswipe Bros. Pictures Inc.)
Sam: Asswipe Brothers? That's where Mike should work! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi sio!
Mike: "Soi soi soi sio?" Serves Sam right for calling me an asswipe! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Sam: Sheesh!
Davemadson: Shush the sheesh! Shush the sheesh! Shush the, shush the, shush the sheesh!
(Westinghouse)
Announcer: You can be sure... if it's Westinghouse.
Mary: Can we really be sure if it's Westinghouse?
Anna: Maybe it's really General Electric.
Scotty: Then, it was "you can be sure." Now, it's "innovation you can be sure of."
(NBC Peacock)
Announcer: The following program is brought to you in Living Color on NBC.
Jimmy: Living Color.
Hank: As opposed to Dead Color.
Harvey Zilth: Sometimes the lights are shining on me.
Sidney: Other times I can barely see.
Beulah: Lately it occurs to me...
Abby: ...what a long strange trip it's been.
Dave: The Grateful Dead, 1970.
(The WB Shield acts like a yo-yo)
LH Michael: The shield zooms in, the shield zooms out.
LH Michelle: The shield zooms in and we shake it all about.
Wally: You do the hokey-pokey and you turn yourself about.
Rhonda: That's what it's all about.
Sam: Knock it off! You're making me dizzy!
(DB)
(Dizzy Bros. Pictures Inc.)
Mike: Dizzy Brothers.
Mary: They put you in a spin.
Anna: Around and around and around we go.
Scotty: Where we're going, nobody knows.
(Lucretia McEvil and Vulcanna Ash)
[ViD Theme]
Dave: Oh coccyx! Lucretia McEvil and Vulcanna Ash!
Lucretia: In the flesh, Dave!
Vulcanna: And we're not here to play the lottery.
Jimmy: Pick 3.
Hank: Pick 4.
Harvey Zilth: Mega Millions.
Sidney: Powerball.
Rhonda: You're not taking Dave away from me!
Lucretia: We're not here to take Dave away from you.
Vulcanna: We have a bone to pick with you.
Dave: Pick away!
Lucretia: Someone on YouTube is upset that you won't count his videos as part of your LT Bloopers canon.
Dave: His videos are cheap rip-offs, they stink from the head down, and they've gotten nasty reviews.
Vulcanna: His complaints got through to the Chairman.
Lucretia: Put characters from the cartoons into your videos.
Vulcanna: And he doesn't give a shit about copyright violations.
God: What's going on here?
Angela the Angel: Looks like these netherworld nymphomaniacs are needling Dave again.
Guy the White: We'll drive them back to the nebulous realm from whence they came.
Beulah: They never learn, do they?
Abby: Lucretia McEvil, tell me now, what's your game?
Wally: Blood, Sweat & Tears, 1970.
Lucretia: The Chairman demands that you put Looney Tunes characters into your videos. And he doesn't mean just the voices.
Vulcanna: Do as he says or we'll shit all over you!
Guy the White: Disgusting!
Angela the Angel: That vile act only sickens the victims!
God: Tell your infernal Chairman that he can't control anyone unless he shows conclusive proof of guilt!
Dave: You heard it from the Highest Authority! Begone!
Lucretia: You piss us off, davemadson! Let's get him, Vulcanna!
Vulcanna: Right, Lucretia! Bombs away!
*CENSORED!!!*
[PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP]
Lucretia: "Censored!?" What do you mean "censored?"
Vulcanna: Show us shitting all over Dave and his friends or we'll tell the Chairman on you!
Dave: Gugh! You filthy foxes from the fiery furnace! Eeeewww! EEEEEEEEWWWW!!
[Davemadson barfing]
God: Take this, you defiant defilers!
[God zaps powers to Lucretia McEvil and Vulcanna Ash]
Lucertia and Vulcanna: We defy you! We defy you! We defy you! We ---
*GIGANTIC EXPLOSION!*
[Lucretia McEvil and Vulcanna Ash fall through the LT rings]
[THUD!]
Lucretia: Curses! Beaten again! I hate these hard landings! Ouch!
Vulcanna: We'll never win Dave and his friends over to our side at this rate! Oh, our aching sphincters!
Lucifer and Vulcanna: OW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!!
Guy the White: We've cleaned you up, Dave.
Angela the Angel: You may resume your video.
Dave: Thanks for sending those sinister sirens back to their sorry swamp.
Rhonda: And good riddance to bad rubbish.
God: You're welcome.
Lucretia and Vulcanna: Oh mutilations!
(The WB Shield goes to the upper-left)
Jimmy: Look out! Runaway shield!
Hank: Watch where that shield lands!
Harvey Zilth: Catch it if you can!
Sidney: Then call the Runaway Shield Hot Line!
(The WB Shield goes to the upper-right)
Beulah: Zoom to the left, zoom to the right.
Abby: Catch a runaway shield and have a nice flight!
(The WB Shield goes to the lower-left)
LH Michael: Tonight on CNN:
LH Michelle: "Runaway Shields: America's Greatest Problem."
(The WB Shield goes to the lower-right)
[SMASH!]
Scotty: EE-YOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!!
Beulah: Are you okay, Scotty?
Scotty: That goddamned WB Shield landed right on my foot! EE-YOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!!
Abby: Poor Scotty.
Rhonda: He never learns to stay out of the way, does he?
Dave: When he hops around like that, he looks like Mick Jagger on a bad night.
Wally: Mick Jagger on a bad night?
Sam: The shield's in pieces.
Dave: While they fix the shield, let's go out to eat.
Rhonda: Splendid idea, Dave.
Sam: Where should we go?
Dave: Where else?
Davemadson: CHEZ MONYOU!!
Sam: Oh salmonella!
Sam: Places everyone!
(PE)
(Places Everyone Pictures Inc.)
Dave: Roll camera!
(RC)
(Roll Camera Pictures Inc.)
Scotty: Cue shield!
(CUE)
(Cue Shield Pictures Inc.)
Mike: Here we go again.
Mary: The zooms were ready before Sam, Dave and Scotty were.
Anna: The shield's taking us literally again! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
(TL)
(Taken Literally Pictures Inc.)
Jimmy: Taken Literally Pictures.
Hank: A literal portrait studio.
(Two WB Shields)
Harvey Zilth: Two shields.
Sidney: Two silhouettes on the shades.
(Four WB Shields)
Beulah: Four shields, like a four-leaf clover.
Abby: I'm looking over a four-shield clover that I overlooked before.
(Five WB Shields)
LH Michael: Five WB Shields in a cluster.
LH Michelle: it's a new Army rank: five-shield general!
(Six WB Shields)
Wally: Now there's six WB Shields.
Rhonda: That's half a dozen, cousin!
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: You bellowed at me again, Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam?
Sam: Yes, I bellowed at you again, Scotty! How many shields do we need?
Scotty: As many as we want! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! *CROTCH KICK!* Ouch! Stop kicking me in the crotch, you shithead! Owww!
Sam: There's only supposed to be one WB Shield, you hear me? One!
(OS)
(One Shield Pictures Inc.)
Dave: [Singing] One shield, I have but one shield...
Sam: KNOCK IT OFF, DAVE!
Dave: Well, pardon me for producin' this freakin' video, Sam!
Sam: And as for you, Scotty, do you know what this means?
Scotty: Frankly, Sam, I don't give a damn!
Sam: YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU'RE FIRED!!
Scotty: Fired? FIRED!?
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!
SAM, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO FIRE ME WITHOUT DAVE AND WALLY'S APPROVAL!
RE-HIRE ME OR I'LL KILL MYSELF
YOU ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE!!
*BOOM!*
Wally: Sam, how dare you fire Scotty without our permission!
Dave: Scotty, you're re-hired.
Scotty: Thanks, Dave.
Sam: How dare you re-hire Scotty behind my back!
Dave: Sam, I'm the boss here, and never fire anyone again without our permission!
Sam: Just say it, don't spray it!
(WB)
(Warner Bros. Pictures Inc. Presents - Just Say It--- Don't Spray It!)
Mike: Now playing at a theater near you:
Mary: "Just Say It, Don't Spray It."
Anna: Starring Microsoft Sam as a director who spits in everyone's face.
Sam: Sheesh!
Davemadson: SHUSH THE SHEESH!
(WB)
(Warner Bros. Picture Sink)
Jimmy: Warner Bros. has a picture sink?
Hank: That's where they clean up old film.
Harvey Zilth: A sink lined with photographs.
Sidney: Wash the dirty pictures down the drain! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Sam: Not "Picture Sink," "Pictures Inc."
(PI)
(Pictures Inc.)
Beulah: Pictures Inc.
Abby: Where we had our pictures taken.
(PP)
(Pictures Pictures)
LH Michael: Pictures pictures on the wall.
LH Michelle: Dave takes the best pictures of them all.
Dave: Hey, at least I try.
(II)
(Inc. Inc.)
Wally: "Inc Inc," short for "Incorporated Incorporated."
Rhonda: It has sort of a musical cadence.
Dave: [To the tune of "Colonel Bogey March"] Inc Inc, Inc Inc Inc Inc Inc Inc...
Sam: DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE!!
Dave: Sam, what is your problem? We all love these bloopers.
Sam: But what's wrong with getting the intro right?
Scotty: There's nothing wrong, Sam, but you shouldn't order me around like I was your personal today.
Sam: He's right, Sam.
No sense in being a control freak.
Remain
calm.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAPPITY CRAP CRAP CRAP!
CAN'T YOU SEE THAT I'M THE DIRECTOR AND I SHOULD HAVE AUTHORITY?
I WANT RESPECT, YOU HEAR ME?
YOU ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES!!
*BOOM!*
Dave: Looks like Sam needs psychatric help, Anna.
Anna: Just leave it to me, Dave.
RoboSoft 3: Later, after Anna zapped Sam with her laser-eye powers to calm him down...
Sam: Thanks, Anna.
Anna: You're welcome, Sam.
Mike: Sam always gets so frustrated by these bloopers, he takes it out on Scotty.
Mary: Whatever makes Sam do such things?
Anna: He sometimes gets a condition in his brain and I always have to zap him to get him back to normal.
Dave: It's a condition known as a "tic controllosa."
(TC)
(Tic Controllosa Pictures Inc.)
Sam: "Tic controllosa?"
Anna: Yes, Sam. It's what's been making you act like a control freak.
Scotty: Dr. Joyce Brothers has got nothing on you, Anna.
Anna: Thanks for the compliment, Scotty.
(YD)
(You're Despicable! Pictures Inc.)
Daffy Duck: You're desssssssssssssssssssssspicable!
Wally: Who said I was despicable?
Scotty: Not me.
Jimmy: Not me.
Hank: Not me.
Harvey Zilth: Not me.
Sidney: Not me.
Wally: Somebody said I was despicable.
Sam: Don't look at me, Wally.
Dave: Microsoft Sam?
Sam: What now, Dave?
Dave: YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU'RE FIRED!!
Sam: What? Fired!? No no no no no no no no no no no no nooooooooooooooooo!!
Dave: Just kidding, Sam.
Sam: Whew! You scared the besheesh out of me, Dave!
Davemadson: BESHUSH THE BESHEESH!
(Evil Sam)
[Closet Killer music]
Sam: Oh strewth! It's my evil twin again!
Evil Sam: Who did you expect? Homer Simpson?
Homer Simpson: D'oh!
Evil Sam: "Da?"
Sam: He didn't say "Da," he said "D'oh."
Evil Sam: Don't make me kick you in the crow's nest!
Beulah: "Kick you in the crow's nest?"
Abby: We sail the ocean blue, and our saucy ship's a beauty.
Dave: Not "crow's nest," "crotch."
Evil Sam: Don't be an asswipe, Dave! I ought to whack you with a fency paast!
LH Michael: Evil Sam is threatening to whack Dave with fancy pasta?
LH Michelle: He probably has food fights in Italian restaurants! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Davemadson: NOT FUNNY!
LH Michelle: Sorry.
Dave: Evil Sam, get out of my video!
Evil Sam: Don't be a hate criminal, you asswipe!
Sam: Don't you talk about my friend like that!
Anna: You tell him, Sam!
Evil Sam: Stay out of this, you harlot!
Anna: I am not a harlot!
Evil Sam: You are too a harlot! Harlot harlot harlot harlot harlot!
Anna: Calm down, Anna.
Take a deep breath.
Relax.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum
is
coming
on!
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!
EVIL SAM, TAKE DAVE'S ADVICE AND GET OUT OF HERE
YOU BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD!!
*B-B-B-BOOM!*
Sam: Zounds! Are you okay, Anna?
Anna: I'm all right, Sam. I just don't like being called a harlot.
Evil Sam: I call Anna a harlot and she explodes over it! Sheesh!
Davemadson: SHUSH THE SHEESH! SHUSH THE SHEESH! SHUSH THE SHUSH THE SHUSH THE SHEESH!
(Vulcanna Ash)
[ViD Theme]
Dave: Vulcanna Ash, get out of my video!
Vulcanna: Why, Dave? All I want is to have a little fun with you.
Rhonda: You leave Dave alone! He's mine!
Dave: You heard her, Vulcanna! Begone!
Vulcanna: You piss me off, davemadson! I oughta shit all over you for brushing me aside!
God: Don't you dare soil Dave and his friends!
Angela the Angel: Are these goons from the graveyard giving you grief again?
Guy the White: We'll get rid of them for you.
Evil Sam: Don't let those meddlers get the best of us, Vulcanna!
Vulcanna: Not to worry, Evil Sam! I'll give Rhonda such a kick in the crotch, she'll wish she were a man! *CROTCH KICK!* OW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!!
Rhonda: Tricked ya, Vulcanna! You didn't know I had lead pants on!
Vulcanna: Dammit, Rhonda! I wish they'd declare wearing lead pants illegal! OW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!!
Evil Sam: Scandalous! By rights, we should shit all over you for this!
Vulcanna: Indeed, Evil Sam, but the Chairman ordered us to stop such actions because the Almighty forbade it to brand the victims as ours!
God: And never will I allow such a thing to happen without conclusive proof of guilt!
Evil Sam: That really pisses us off! Vulcanna, do something!
Vulcanna: Let's see ya try to shake this off, kiddo!
[Vulcanna zaps powers to davemadson]
*BOOM!*
Vulcanna: That'll teach you to mess around with me, Dave! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
God: You foul felons of the field of the fallen! Take that!
[God zaps powers to Evil Sam and Vulcanna]
*B-B-B-BOOM!*
[Evil Sam and Vulcanna fall through the LT rings]
[THUD!]
Evil Sam: Curses! Foiled again! That hard landing hurts! Ouch!
Vulcanna: Say no more, Evil Sam! Oh, my broken coccyx! OW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!!
Rhonda: Dave, are you okay? Still out cold. I can fix that.
RoboSoft 3: Later, after Rhonda used her powers to help Dave recover...
Dave: Who... What... Where am I?
Rhonda: You'll be okay, Dave. Those denizens of the dungeon of doom have been dispatched.
Guy the White: We sent those hellions back to their horrible hole in the ground.
Angela the Angel: You may resume your video.
Dave and Rhonda: Thank God!
God: You're welcome.
Vulcanna: Oh pleurisy!
(Out of Order)
Scotty: Uh-oh! Methinks we goofed again!
Sam: Youthinks right, Scotty.
Dave: I'm still feeling a little light-headed from the zapping Vulcanna gave me.
Rhonda: That's all right, Dave. I'll take you to my hideaway and help you get better.
Anna: And I'll tend to Sam, just in case he gets a relapse.
Sam: Have a good time.
Rhonda: We always do.
Dave: Hold down the fort until we get back.
Wally: Good. Incidentally, don't go out through the--- [SMASH!] ---ceiling.
Rhonda: Sorry!
The rings: OWWW! Sorry.
RoboSoft 3: Having spent a week in their hideaway, Dave and Rhonda left for home. The rest of the staff carried on with the bloopers.
Sam: Places everyone! Roll camera! Shuck the jive!
(SJ)
(Shuck the Jive Pictures Inc.)
Sam: What's this?
Scotty: You said "shuck the jive," Sam.
Sam: Say, that's right.
Mike: Shuck the jive.
Mary: Jive talking.
Anna: It's just your jive talking that gets in the way.
Scotty: The Bee Gees, 1975.
(JT)
(Jive Turkey Pictures Inc.)
Jimmy: Jive turkey?
Hank: A fast-talking gobbler.
Harvey Zilth: Gobblers never enjoy cobblers.
Sidney: I'll bet one of those turkeys could if he tried.
(WB)
(Why Bother? Pictures Inc.)
Sam: My sentiments exactly.
(WP)
(Wild Party Pictures Inc. Presents Copper Right MCMXLV By the Veggiphone Corp. All Rights Reserved. - Lousey Tubes A Wild Party Canteen in Tackycolor)
Beulah: Wild party?
Abby: I'm game!
Sam: Scotty, come here.
Scotty: Judas Priest! Another lecture?
Sam: What's all this bullshit you put up, Scotty?
Scotty: What do you mean, Sam?
Sam: You had "Wild Party," "The Veggiphone Corporation," "Lousey Tubes," "A Wild Party Canteen" and "In Tackycolor" up there when this is supposed to be a Looney Tune.
Scotty: In the words of Steve Martin, well excuuuuuuuuuuuuse meee!
(WJ)
(Worn Jokes Pictures Inc.)
LH Michael: Worn Jokes Pictures presents:
LH Michelle: "The Worst of Microsoft Sam!" Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Davemadson: NOT FUNNY!
LH Michelle: Sorry.
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!! YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU'RE FIRED!!
Scotty: Fired? FIRED!?
Sam: Yes, fired!
Scotty: You can't do this to me, Sam! Dave and Wally will punish you for this!
Sam: Go fuck yourself, Scotty! Out you go! Out out out out out out out!
[THUD!]
(WT)
(Wrongful Termination Pictures Inc.)
Sam: Screw this "wrongful termination" bullshit! Scotty's firing is justified!
Wally: Justified my ass! You bring Scotty back here!
Sam: For your information, Wally, I challenged the rule of authority in this studio in court, and won!
Wally: You asswipe!
Sam: I mean it! This studio is now Microsoft Sam Enterprises Inc. I have authority to fire people as I see fit, and if anyone overrides me, it's mutiny!
(MS)
(Microsoft Sam Enterprises Inc. A 2017 Microsoft Sam Enterprises Inc. Production)
Wally: Tantrum
is
coming
on!
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP!
MICROSOFT SAM, HOW DARE YOU MANIPULATE THE SYSTEM TO SEIZE POWER HERE!
I'M APPEALING THE COURT RULING TO GET IT OVERTURNED
YOU ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE!!
*BOOM!*
Abby: Are you okay, Wally?
Wally: I'm okay, Abby. Sam's control-freak tendencies just piss me off.
Anna: I'm surprised at you, Sam! You just wait till Dave gets back!
(HT)
(Hostile Takeover Pictures Inc.)
Rhonda in flight: We should be home soon, Dave.
Dave in flight: Thanks for helping me get over that malaise Vulcanna Ash gave me.
Rhonda in flight: She has a lot of venom, but at least I have the antidote. We'll fly in through the bedroom window.
(WB)
(Warner Bros. Pictures Inc. Presents - Looney Melodies)
Sam: "Looney Melodies?"
Jimmy: We just pulled whatever captions we could find from the caption box.
Abby: We'll try again.
(WB)
(Warner Bros. Pictures Inc. Presents - Merrie Tunes)
Mike: "Merrie Tunes?"
Mary: Sounds like tunes for me. "Mary Tunes!" Hee hee hee!
Dave: That is SO lame!
RoboSoft 3: That is so NOT lame, Dave!
Dave: Did I say "lame?" I'm sorry, I meant to say "worn out."
RoboSoft 3: Good man, Dave.
(WB)
(Warner Bros. Pictures Inc. Presents - Merrie Merrie Merrie Merrie)
Mike: Merrie Merrie Merrie Merrie.
Mary: Mikey Mikey Mikey Mikey.
Dave: "Mikey Mikey Mikey Mikey?"
Rhonda: Mikey likes it! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Sam: How are you feeling, Dave?
Dave: Much, much better, Sam.
Rhonda: It took a lot from me to reverse the effects of Vulcanna's venom, but it was worth it.
Dave: Say, where's Scotty?
Sam: I fired him.
Dave: What? You FIRED him!? AGAIN?!?
Wally: Bring him back!
Sam: No way. I challenged the rule of authority here and won, giving me the right to fire people as I see fit.
Beulah: You asswipe, Sam! I'm bringing Scotty back!
Sam: You do that, Beulah, and I'll charge you with mutiny, which I can now legally do!
Beulah: I can't see myself staying here without Scotty! I'm leaving! Good-bye!
Dave: Tantrum
is
coming
on!
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!
HOW DARE YOU MANIPLUATE THE LAW AGAINST ME, SAM!
I HOPE THE COURTS GET YOUR INJUNCTION OVERTURNED
YOU BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD!!
*BOOM!*
Rhonda: Are you okay, Dave?
Dave: I'm just pissed off by Sam's usurping this studio and manipulating the law for his own selfish purposes.
Sam: I never said I was selfish, Dave. I just wanted authority to make personnel moves as I see fit.
Wally: Jealous!
Sam: It's not jealousy, Wally. When Dave first started these LT Blooper videos, he put me in charge. He didn't come in until LTIB 33, "Commercial Cannibalization."
Dave: I remember that. You chased after Scotty with a gun, he pretended to be dead, and you were almost fried in the electric chair.
Sam: It's been so long since I held authority here.
Anna: I think Sam's beginning to regret his legal action.
Rhonda: I agree.
Dave: Let's see if we can get the injunction overturned and find Scotty and Beulah.
RoboSoft 3: As the gang found Scotty and Beulah and talked them out of suicide, Sam agreed to relinquish control of the studio to Dave and Wally. Scotty and Beulah were re-hired, and the bloopers continued.
(WB)
(Warner Bros. Pictures Inc. Presents - Melodies Melodies Melodies Melodies)
LH Michael: Melodies Melodies Melodies Melodies.
LH Michelle: Songs, ditties, jingles and fanfares.
Dave: Top Ten time on Radio CHAOS. What's your request?
Sam: Bring in the shield.
Dave: For Microsoft Sam, let's bring in the shield!
(The Shield)
Sam: Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
Wally: What's so funny, Sam?
Sam: "The Shield!" Hahahahahahahahahahah!
Rhonda: Sam actually likes the bloopers now.
Anna: I had to zap him to erase another "tic controllosa" from his brain.
Sam: And it's a good feeling.
(The White Shield)
Mike: A white shield.
Mary: The white knights.
Anna: Shields need cleaning sometimes!
Sam: Give me the letters. And this time, I don't want the words "THE LETTERS ON THE SHIELD" on the shield, but the letters WB.
Scotty: Coming right up, Your Samuelship, sir!
(WB)
(Warner Bros. Pictures Inc. Presents - Not the words "THE LETTERS ON THE SHIELD" but the letters "WB!")
Scotty: The captions are taking Sam literally again! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! *CROTCH KICK!* Ouch! You shithead! Owww!
*CROTCH KICK!*
Sam: SOI!!
Dave: And don't let me catch you mistreating Scotty again! EVER!!
Sam: Sheesh!
Davemadson: SHUSH THE SHEESH!
(JJJS)
(John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt)
Jimmy: John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt?
Hank: His name is my name too.
Harvey Zilth: Whenever we go out...
Sidney: The people always shout:
The rings: There goes John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt! (Ta ra ra ra ra ra ra)
(Lucifer and Lucretia McEvil)
[ViD Theme]
Beulah: Oh strewth! It's those infernal demons, Lucifer and Lucretia McEvil!
Abby: Grab hold of the nearest cross!
Lucifer: Hands off of those roods!
Lucretia: You know they cause us great pain!
Dave: As well they should, you netherworld no-goodniks!
Sam: Why don't you take Christopher Rahaman's advice and go fuck yourselves?
Lucifer: He can say "go fuck yourself" as often as he wants to.
Lucretia: But we don't care, because we're not going away.
God: Here we go again.
Angela the Angel: Those dastardly demons from the dark world are disturbing Dave and his friends again.
Guy the White: We'll drive them back to their domicile of darkness.
Lucifer: What's it going to take to convince you that davemadson and his friends belong to us?
God: Only conclusive evidence of the exact offense is required before you prime evils take possession of any soul!
Lucretia: Force us to reveal proof against Dave and his friends while they live, and we'll shit all over them!
Guy the White: Say what you will, but that gross act is still disgusting!
Angela the Angel: Such a vile stunt only sickens the victims!
God: Soil them and feel My Wrath! And now matter how much it angers you, if you feel My Wrath, it is never scandalous!
Lucifer: Stop pissing us off! Let's get them, Lucretia!
Lucretia: Bombs away!
*CENSORED!*
[FWOOSH!] [FWOOSH!]
Sam: Hah! You didn't soil us!
Dave: You only broke wind!
Lucifer: You tricked us! My backside is burning! Ouch!
Lucretia: How dare you sabotage our plans! Owww!
God: Take this, you greedy would-be soul-grabbers!
[God zaps powers to Lucifer and Lucretia McEvil]
*GIGANTIC EXPLOSION!!*
[Lucifer and Lucretia McEvil fall through the LT rings]
[THUD!]
Lucifer: Curses! Foiled again! And our asses hurt like our realm! Ouch!
Lucretia: You don't know what it's like to be barbecued! Oh, our burning rectums!
Lucifer and Lucretia: OW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!!
Guy the White: We always have to put out the fire.
Angela the Angel: You may resume your video.
Dave: Thanks for sending those flaming felons back to their fiery pit.
God: You're welcome.
Lucifer and Lucretia: Oh friction burns!
(The WB Shield stopped)
(W drop)
(B drop)
(Shield drop)
(Rings falling apart)
LH Michael: Look, Michelle. The rings fell apart again.
LH Michelle: Better get the Krazy Glue.
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!
Dave: SHUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!!
Wally: That's telling them, Dave!
Dave: What did we tell you about mistreating Scotty, Sam?
Sam: Sorry, Dave. Just a temporary relapse.
Anna: Let's hope it is only temporary.
Dave: We can discuss things when we're out to dinner.
Rhonda: Splendid idea, Dave!
Scotty: Where should we go this time?
Dave: I thought you'd never ask.
Davemadson: Doctor Tongue's: 3-D House of Pancakes!
Sam: Oh Count Floyd!
Sam: Tote that barge! Lift that bale!
Scotty: You get a little drunk...
Dave: ...and you land in jaaa-hail!
Sam: Lights, camera, action!
(WP)
(Wapnep Pros Pictures Inc.)
Mike: Wapnep Pros?
Mary: As opposed to Penpaw Amateurs?
(PA)
(Penpaw Amateurs Pictures Inc.)
Anna: Penpaw Amateurs? I used to be one of them.
Jimmy: So was I.
Hank: So was I.
Harvey Zilth: So was I.
Sidney: So was I.
Sam: Not "Wapnep Pros," "Warner Bros."
(WB)
(Warner Bras Pictures Inc.)
Beulah: Warner Bras.
Abby: Lift and separate.
(WB)
(Warner Bris Pictures Inc.)
LH Michael: Warner Bris?
LH Michelle: I didn't know the shield was Jewish!
(WB)
(Warner Bries Pictures Inc.)
Wally: Warner Bries? What is this, a cheese shop?
Rhonda: Personally, I'd prefer Swiss.
Dave: I'd settle for good old Wisconsin cheddar.
(CC)
(Cheddar Cheese Pictures Inc.)
Sam: Uh, Scotty?
Scotty: Yeah, Sam?
Sam: This isn't a cheese factory; this is Looney Tunes.
Scotty: Oh, so it's all about me, huh? That's no Gouda! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! *CROTCH KICK!* Ouch! Stop kicking me in the crotch, you shithead! Owww!
Dave: What did I tell you about kicking people in the crotch, Sam?
Sam: He stole my laugh line, Dave!
Dave: It's in the public domain, Sam!
Sam: It's my property, Dave!
Dave: Public domain!
Sam: My property!
Dave: Public domain!
Sam: My property!
RoboSoft 3: The laugh line "Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl" is IN THE PUBLIC DOMAIN and don't you ever deny it again, Sam!
Dave: Do I make myself clear, me bucko?
Sam: Yessir. Asswipe! *CROTCH KICK!* SOI!!
(MB)
(Me Bucko Pictures Inc.)
Mike: Me Bucko Pictures presents:
Mary: A Captain Jack Sparrow production.
Anna: "Mutiny in the Studio!" Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Davemadson: NOT FUNNY!
Anna: Sorry.
(?)
(Question Mark Pictures Inc.)
Jimmy: Question Mark.
Hank: What if Mark has no answer?
Harvey Zilth: Then question somebody else.
Sidney: If there's anyone there to question.
(!)
(Exclamation Point Pictures Inc.)
Beulah: Exclamation Point.
Abby: The shield's emphatic! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
(&)
(Ampersand Pictures Inc.)
LH Michael: Ampersand Pictures presents:
LH Michelle: "Great Moments in Addition."
(&?)
(The Ampersand Question Pictures Inc.)
Wally: The Ampersand Question.
Rhonda: In a layperson's terms, it means "and what?"
Dave: If we found the answer to the Ampersand Question, the world would be a better place in which to live.
Sam: Scotty, it's time you and I had a little talk.
Scotty: Lecturing me again, Sam?
Sam: What's with all this bullshit on the shield, Scotty?
Scotty: Do I have to stand here while you make me feel like a second-grade kid in school again, Sam?
Sam: The shield should display "WB." Not "WP," "PA," "CC," "MB" or any of those punctuation marks, but "WB."
Scotty: I know: W as in Wisenheimer, B as in Blockhead, right?
Sam: Right.
(WB)
(Wisenheimer Blockhead Pictures Inc.)
Sam: That's the last straw, Scotty! I'm going to---
Dave: Now you listen to me, Microsoft Sam! If you fire Scotty just once more, you are GONE!
Sam: Just say it, don't spray it!
(WW)
(Warner Warner Pictures Inc.)
Mike: Warner Warner Pictures Inc.
Mary: Everything but the kitchen sink.
Anna: I'll bet they'll include the kitchen sink too! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Sam: Brothers.
Scotty: What?
Sam: Brothers, Scotty. Brothers.
Scotty: Oh brother!
(BB)
(Bros. Bros. Pictures Inc.)
Jimmy: Brothers Brothers.
Hank: There's mutiny in the monastery.
Harvey Zilth: What did the egg in the monastery say?
Sidney: "The story of my life: out of the frying pan and into the friar!" Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Sam: It's not "Bros. Bros.," it's "Warner Bros.," you asswipe!
(WB)
(Warner Bros. Pictures Inc. Presents - It's Warner Bros. not Bros. Bros. you asswipe!
Sam: Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAPPITY CRAPPITY CRAPPITY CRAP!
I'M SO SICK AND FUCKING TIRED OF SCOTTY'S INSUBORDINATIONS AND EVERYONE'S CODDLING HIM!
I DEMAND THE RIGHT TO FIRE HIM AND BAN HIM FROM HERE PERMANENTLY, YOU HEAR ME?
ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES!!
*BOOM!*
Dave: Sam, Sam, Sam, have you caught another "tic controllosa?"
Anna: Looks like he needs professional help.
Dave: Indeed.
RoboSoft 3: Sam was rushed to the psychiatric hospital, where a successful lobotomy was performed. A week later, Sam was proclaimed fit to return to the studio, and the bloopers continued.
(SS)
(Sisters Sisters Pictures Inc.)
Beulah: Sisters Sisters.
Abby: Sisters are doing it for themselves! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
(WS)
(Warner Sisters Pictures Inc.)
LH Michael: Warner Sisters.
LH Michelle: Nuns on the run! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Sam: Sheesh!
Davemadson: SHUSH THE SHEESH!
(WB)
(Warner Bats Pictures Inc.)
Wally: Warner Bats Pictures presents:
Rhonda: "Take Me Out to the Ball Game."
Dave: You always hit a home run with me, Rhonda.
Rhonda: And you always give me a perfect pitch, Dave.
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!
Dave: QUIT YOUR YELLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!
Wally: I thought Sam was cured of his "tic controllosa" cases.
Anna: Apparently, he's having a relapse.
Dave: How could it be, especially since Sam's lobotomy got rid of the source of those tics?
(Lucretia McEvil and Vulcanna Ash)
[ViD Theme]
Dave: Oh meltdowns! Lucretia McEvil and Vulcanna Ash!
Lucretia: That's our names, Dave.
Vulcanna: Don't wear them out! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Dave: What are you bad girls doing here?
Sam: Why don't you go fuck yourselves?
Lucretia: That epithet is only flattery to us.
Vulcanna: Our pursuits could scarcely be relegated to fucking ourselves.
Wally: You underworld concubines beat it!
Sam: I just had a lobotomy to remove all traces of "tic controllosa."
Lucretia: "Tic controllosa?" That's the answer to the million-dollar question.
Vulcanna: We've been secretly injecting "tic controllosa" serum into Sam's brains to he'd treat Scotty like a beanbag.
Lucretia: Now we've come for the rest of you.
Vulcanna: Don't try to escape or we'll shit all over you!
Guy the White: Disgusting!
Angela the Angel: That vile act only sickens the victims!
God: If you soil them, you'll feel My Wrath! And My Will forbids such a gross act from branding anyone as yours without first showing conclusive proof of guilt!
Lucretia: Stop pissing us off! Let's get them, Vulcanna!
Vulcanna: Bombs away!
*CENSORED!!!*
[PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP]
Rhonda: Gugh! This studio is not the city dump! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww!
[Rhonda barfing]
Dave: This is not a litter box! Eeeewww! EEEEEEEEWWWW!!
[Davemadson barfing]
Lucretia: That'll teach them not to screw with us, Vulcanna!
Vulcanna: Now let's go spread the "tic controllosa" serum!
Lucretia and Vulcanna: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
God: Take this, you felonious foxes!
[God zaps powers to Lucretia McEvil and Vulcanna Ash]
*B-B-B-BOOM!*
[Lucretia McEvil and Vulcanna Ash fall through the LT rings]
[THUD!]
Lucretia: Curses! Beaten again! And we lost our bottle of "tic controllosa" serum!
Vulcanna: And I never got a chance to make out with Dave! Oh, our aching sphincters!
Lucretia and Vulcanna: OW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!!
Guy the White: Rhonda and Dave are all cleaned up now.
Angela the Angel: You may resume your video.
Dave: And thanks for sending those nefarious nymphomaniacs back to their nebulous lair.
God: You're welcome.
Lucretia and Vulcanna: Oh syphilis!
(Wb)
(Warner Bros. Pictures Inc.)
Sam: We almost got it, Scotty, but the "B" should be a capital "B."
Scotty: Well, I'll "B!" B-trayed, B-littled, B-dumb, B-devilled.
Rhonda: I think we've already been B-devilled in this video.
Dave: B-lieve it!
Scotty: Let's give it one more try.
(WB Shield reverse)
Scotty: Uh-oh! Methinks we goofed again!
Sam: Youthinks right, Scotty.
Dave: Right now, let's all go out to eat.
Rhonda: Splendid idea, Dave!
Sam: Where should we go, Dave?
Dave: Where else?
Davemadson: CHEZ MONYOU!
Scotty: Oh listeria!