Big Baby Patrick But the Transcript was Changed for some reason.

== Transcript ==
* [The episode opens in the Star house's living room. Patrick walks in from the kitchen, carrying a giant bucket of ice cream with butter on top.]
* Patrick: [humming] Time to enjoy an afternoon of TV with a light snack: [close-up of snack] buttered ice cream with extra butter and sprinkles!
* [Patrick sits on the couch and dumps the entire bucket into his mouth, getting extremely fat. He breaks the couch and falls, creating a hole in the floor. Bunny and Cecil walk past, Bunny carrying a box of baby toys and Cecil carrying a stuffed rabbit.]
* Bunny: Are you sure about this, dear?
* Cecil: Sure! Patrick won't mind...
* Patrick: [looks out from hole] Huh?
* [He slides under them and blocks the door.]
* Patrick: [nervously] Where are you going with my baby things?
* Bunny: [puts box down] Oh, we were just clearing out the closet to make room for your father's home theater!
* [Cut to a bunch of actors in costumes, crammed into a closet.]
* Female actor: Romeo, Romeo, where the heck are you?
* Male actor: [being sat on by her] You're sitting on my head.
* Bunny: It's getting a bit cramped.
* Patrick: [grabs bunny toy] You're throwing out Mr. Whiskers!? [hugs it, making it pop, pants heavily]
* [Patrick looks in the box and pulls out a rock with teeth in it. He smiles with one tooth.]
* Patrick: Aw, my teething rock! [takes out spiked rattle] My battle rattle! [hits himself, making his head shake, smiles and picks up a jellyfish toy] Mr. Jelly Face! [stretches it over his head, snapping it]
* Bunny: Honey, [picks up box] this stuff is for babies! [looks at baby clothes] You're not a baby anymore!
* Patrick: [takes clothes, tries to put them on] But... if I [rolls eyes, smiles] was a baby, could I keep it all?
* Bunny: [holding pacifier] I... suppose so?
* [Patrick bites the pacifier out of her hand and sucks on it.]
* Patrick: Then Patrick baby now! [throws his shirt in Bunny's face and his pants in Cecil's face] Goo goo!
* [He takes the box of toys, babbles, puts on a bonnet, and plays with a toy boat. He bangs a rattle against the ground, then bites the head off and chews it. Cecil and Bunny are uncomfortable.]
* Cecil: Uh... [to Bunny] I don't know about this.
* Bunny: Don't worry! If Patrick wants to be a baby, we'll treat him like one until [winks] he gets sick of it!
* [Cecil smiles. Transition to Cecil bringing a pizza into the kitchen. Squidina and GrandPat sit at the table with utensils.]
* Cecil: Who wants pizza?
* Squidina, Jack and GrandPat: Me!
* [Cecil tosses the pizza into the air and catches it on his head. He spins around.]
* Cecil: [burbling]
* [Three slices of pizza hit GrandPat's eyes and mouth. He eats them all. Squidina opens her mouth and a pizza slice shaped like her face hits her in the face. She eats it. Jack catches a slice and eats it. Cecil keeps spinning and flinging more pizza around the room.]
* GrandPat and Cecil: [opening mouths] Aah!
* [Patrick is sitting in a high chair. Bunny has a jar of baby food.]
* Patrick: Pizza!
* [Patrick opens his mouth to catch the pizza. Bunny blocks a slice with her bare hand before it can reach him.]
* Bunny: Ah-ah-ah! [throws pizza away] Babies don't eat pizza! [gives him spoonful of baby food] Babies eat baby food!
* Patrick: [pouts and folds arms] Hmph!
* [Patrick's mouth moves around his head as Bunny tries to feed him.]
* Bunny: Open the hangar! Come on! Open up for the airplane!
* Patrick: [opens mouth] Aaah...
* Bunny: Perfect!
* [She throws the baby food away, takes out two air traffic control lights, and motions towards Patrick.]
* Bunny: Ooh, ooh, ah, ah, ah!
* [A plane flies towards Patrick and into his mouth. Bunny ducks under it. Patrick increases in size. Bunny burps him.]
* Bunny: [smacks] One, [smacks] two, [smacks] and aah!
* [Patrick spits out an inflatable slide and a pilot.]
* Pilot: Thank you for flying with us today, folks, and please watch your step when you exit the baby.
* [Lady Upturn, Rube, and a kid exit the slide. Cut to static. Two wrestlers growl at each other, and one rips a fish in half, making confetti come out of his body.
* Announcer: Who's ready? [as title appears and flashes colors] For Rasslin' Rumble Rampaaage!
* [Cecil turns the TV off.]
* Cecil: Uh uh uh! [Patrick's pacifier drops out of his mouth] Babies don't get to watch grown-up TV.
* Patrick: [cries, picks up Cecil]
* Cecil: [points to Patrick] Ah, somebody's cranky!
* [Patrick throws Cecil into the wall as a crash is heard. Cecil comes back with bruises and a black eye.]
* Cecil: What you need is a nap! [picks up Patrick] And I know how to put you right to sleep!
* [Transitions to Cecil driving Patrick down a road. Patrick is in a booster seat and holds a juice box.]
* Cecil: I used to take you on rides like this all the time.
* [Cecil's car runs a red light. Two cars crash into each other. Cecil is now in the back seat.]
* Cecil: Something about the sound of the engine... [the car runs over trash cans] the movement of the car...
* [A building transitions to Slappy standing at a crosswalk, licking an eyeball in an ice cream cone. The car, without a driver, runs over Slappy. He gets stuck to the wheel.]
* Cecil: And those gentle vibrations put you right to sleep... [falls asleep, snores]
* [Bunny is ironing in the living room. The car crashes through the door and falls apart. A wheel with Slappy stuck to it bounces in.]
* Cecil: Well, it took a while, but he's out like a light.
* Patrick: [yawns and stretches, smacks lips]
* Bunny: [rubs Patrick's cheek] Aw, isn't he adorable?
* Slappy: [laughs] Yes. He's like a sleeping angelfish.
* [Squidina runs into the room.]
* Squidina: Patrick! Nap time's over! [grabs him] Time for your show! [throws him, grunts]
* [Patrick bounces on-stage and does nothing.]
* Lawnie #1: [coughs]
* Squidina: [throws rattle] Quick, here's a prop!
* [The rattle hits Patrick in the head. He shakes it.]
* Lawnie #2: Wait a second! I get it! He's doing a baby act!
* Lawnies: [admiring noises]
* [Patrick laughs, does a dance, and then soils his diaper. He tears up and has a crying fit on-stage.]
* Squidina: [groans] Cue the cartoon!
* [Jack pulls down a rope that has a TV with static on it. It shows a Captain Quasar cartoon.]
* Announcer: Captain Quasar in...
* Kids: Diapers!
* [The logo explodes to show the S.S. Super Minnow in space. A Saladrian ship flies up to it and readies a laser. Quasar, as a baby, is in the front seat of his ship.]
* Quasar: Ooh, the bad guys found it! Fire the waser beams!
* Pat-Tron: [tries to reach the levers, but fails] But Captain, I can't weach the buttons!
* Quasar: [tries to reach the controls] Me neither! [hugs Pat-Tron]
* Quasar and Pat-Tron: Waaah! We're too young to die! [crying]
* [King Saladrian is watching them on a TV. Another Saladrian turns around to him.]
* Saladrian: Your majesty, should we take the shot?
* King Saladrian: I don't know, I mean... they're just cute little babies! Maybe we shouldn't blast them into oblivion!
* Quasar: [lifts finger] Now, Pat-Tron! Engage uppies!
* [Pat-Tron lifts Quasar and lets him reach the lever. He pulls it down and a giant laser aims at the Saladrian ship.]
* King Saladrian: Oh, poop.
* [Quasar's laser blasts the Saladrian ship and flies off. Cut to static, then Bunny looking at the front door. The doorbell rings.]
* Bunny: Now who could that be?
* [She opens the door, revealing SpongeBob.]
* SpongeBob: [raises two jellyfishing nets] Who's ready for--
* Patrick: [off-screen] Waaah! [crying]
* SpongeBob: ...jellyfishing?
* Bunny: Sorry, SpongeBob. Patrick decided to be a baby today.
* [An exhausted Cecil is trying to comfort a crying Patrick.]
* Patrick: [notices, runs to him] SpongeBob! Yay!
* [Patrick runs into the box of baby toys Bunny is holding, flattening his face.]
* Bunny: Uh-uh! If you're old enough to go jellyfishing, you don't need these anymore!
* Patrick: [runs in front of her and grabs the box] No! Baby want toys [takes net] and jellyfishing!
* [Patrick sits on the box and hits Cecil with his battle rattle repeatedly.]
* Bunny: [shrugs] Sorry, SpongeBob. You'll have to come back when Patrick decides to grow up.
* SpongeBob: [points to self] I might be able to help with that! If you don't mind me doing a little [making air quotes] "babysitting"?
* Cecil: [with a 5 o'clock shadow, as Patrick hits him] Could he please? I really could use a break.
* [Bunny smiles at SpongeBob, and he winks at her. He runs into the house.]
* SpongeBob: Okay, baby! [takes out holder] Wanna go for a walk?
* [Shot of the holder as glorious music plays.]
* Patrick: [amazed gasp, falls into holder] Walkies!
* [SpongeBob nearly collapses from Patrick's weight, and tries to carry him outside.]
* SpongeBob: [grunting]
* Patrick: Walkie, walkie, walkie, walkie, walkie, walkie, walkie, walkie!
* [Pan to a landscape. SpongeBob struggles to carry Patrick up a hill. Patrick is asleep and sucking on a pacifier. SpongeBob pulls it out, waking him up.]
* SpongeBob: [staged] Oh, would you look at that? We walked all the way to [leaning close to Patrick] the Goofy Goober! [shot of the restaurant] Should we go inside?
* Patrick: [running ahead] Ice cweam! [runs past a kid and his mother] Ice cweam! [giggling]
* Mother: Oh, my! What a big, strong boy!
* Kid: He looks like he's 40.
* [Pan to kids in Goofy Goober's. SpongeBob and Patrick are seated at a table.]
* SpongeBob: [looks behind him] Ooh! [to Patrick, pointing backwards] Here comes our ice cream!
* Patrick: [cheers]
* Waiter: [sets two sundaes down] Okay, two ice cream sundaes and--
* Patrick: Ice cweam!
* [He tries to grab it, but the waiter takes it away.]
* Waiter: Hey! Didn't you see the sign? [shot of a "No Babies" sign] We don't serve babies at the Goofy Goober!
* [A muscular bouncer stands next to the sign.]
* SpongeBob: Oh, that's right. Babies can't have ice cream at the Goofy Goober. [Patrick looks sad] I guess we'll just have the one sundae. Unless someone wants to grow up! [smirks at Patrick]
* [Patrick tears up, then looks angry and pouts.]
* SpongeBob: [deflates]
* Waiter: ...Right. Look, just don't give the baby any ice cream.
* SpongeBob: [nervous laugh, then takes a bite of the sundae] Mmm! Oh, this is so good! Too bad babies can't have any!
* Patrick: [looks over at SpongeBob, sweats]
* SpongeBob: Too bad babies can't eat ice cream!
* [Patrick smashes his head into the sundae, then grabs a glob and puts it in his mouth.]
* Patrick: [sighs]
* SpongeBob: Patrick! Stop eating my sundae!
* Patrick: [eats the rest of the ice cream left over]
* SpongeBob: Mmph. [puts other sundae up, Patrick grabs it with his tongue, gets angry] No! You're supposed to watch me eat the ice cream and want your own so bad that you grow up and stop being a baby!
* Bouncer: Baby? [walks up to table] Did you just give ice cream to [points in Patrick's face] this baby?
* SpongeBob: [nervous laughter] No, I, uh-- [hyperventilating] But he's not... a baby... is he?
* Bouncer: Enough! You broke our "no baby" rule! Now, you've banned from the Goofy Goober for life!
* SpongeBob: B-b-b-[grabs head] banned? For life?
* [SpongeBob starts tearing up. His bowtie goes to the top of his head, turning him into a baby. He starts crying.]
* SpongeBob: [crying]
* Patrick: [sucks his thumb]
* SpongeBob: [spits out a rattle, shakes it]
* Bouncer: Wait a minute. [takes off sunglasses, revealing another pair] Are you a baby too?
* [Transition to outside the Star house. The doorbell rings. Cecil answers.]
* Cecil: Hello?
* Bouncer: [holds up SpongeBob and Patrick by the diapers] Do these helpless babies belong to you?
* SpongeBob: Ga ga!
* Cecil and Bunny: [scream]
* Bouncer: Yeah, you should be horrified! Leaving two innocent babies unsupervised like that! For shame! [shoves the babies into them]
* Cecil: No, please! I'm not ready to be a father!
* SpongeBob: [crying]
* Bunny: This one isn't even--
* Bouncer: [slams door shut]
* Bunny: --ours.
* Squidina: Uh, what's going on?
* Bunny: Oh, sweetie, [holds out SpongeBob for her] can you take him for a minute, please? [with bloodshot eyes, as SpongeBob hits her with a rattle] Mama really needs a rest.
* Squidina: Now SpongeBob's a baby!? Uh... I won't be able to babysit because... [puts on a bodysuit] I'm a baby too! [lays on the floor, pounds it with her fists, and cries] Waah! Waaaah!
* Jack: Not me!
* Bunny: Well, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em!
* [Bunny and Cecil throw SpongeBob and Patrick off their backs, put on bodysuits, and suck pacifiers. All the "babies" are seen sitting together.]
* CHORUS: ♪♪ ooh ee, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪♪ ♪♪ Star Family Babies ♪♪ ♪♪ We're cute little girls and boys ♪♪ ♪♪ We use imagination like playing with our toys. ♪♪
* Jack: I like to follow the rules.
* Bunny: I think Confidence is cool.
* Squidina: Yay, familiness!
* Cecil: And cleanliness!
* Squidina: I love my vastity.
* Patrick: No goofin' round for me.
* Cecil: I like cars and fun!
* Squidina: I like to sleep on my stomach.
* SpongeBob: And I'm also in this song!
* ♪♪ Star Family babies, we soil in our beds ♪♪ ♪♪ We are so adorable You'll want to Kiss are Foreheads ♪♪ ♪♪ Star Family babies ♪♪
* [Cut to the babies in a messy living room.]
* Patrick: What do we Pway now?
* Bunny: [high-pitched voice] Oh, oh, oh! [stands up] Pway "famiwy"!
* Cecil: [stands up, high-pitched voice] I'll be the daddy! [puts on a different mustache, deeper voice] What's for dinner?
* Bunny: [high-pitched voice] I'll be the mommy! [Normal-pitched voice] Eggs and spaghetti!
* [Bunny and Cecil go into the living room from the kitchen.]
* Patrick: And I'll be the big, dumb older brother!
* Squidina: And I'll be the overachieving younger sister!
* SpongeBob: [floating in sink as a kitchen sponge] And I'll be the kitchen sponge! [laughs]
* [Squidina is standing on Patrick and looking at SpongeBob in the sink.]
* Squidina and Patrick: [laughing]
* Patrick: Ah, I guess this means we're all back to normal now.
* [Cecil is slicing ham as Bunny stirs a pan on the stove.]
* Cecil: [still with different mustache] Everybody's gotta grow up sooner or later.
* GrandPat: [off-screen] Not me!
* [Cecil and Bunny look to see GrandPat in a diaper and bonnet.]
* GrandPat: I like to be pampered! [gets in carriage, takes out baby bottle] Waaaah! [crying]
* Bunny: Well, Patrick, after everything that's happened, I think it's your turn to babysit.
* Patrick: [disappointed] Awww... yes, mom.
* [A diaper transitions to Patrick, wearing a cloak in the rain, dropping GrandPat off at the front doorstop of an orphanage. Lightning strikes. Patrick runs away as GrandPat cries.]
* GrandPat: [crying]
== Notes: ==
* The Star Family Babies theme song was the same tune to Drawn together Babies for some reason.
Category:The Patrick Star Show
Category:Rewritten
Category:Transcripts