War on Languages

War on Languages (French: Guerre des tuques) is a never-ending war in Canada between two linguistic groups and those who associate themselves with those linguistic groups to try to gain more power under one really ginormous roof.
Because the "French-Canadians" are the minority side of this battle, they're the ones who get a distinction. Due to the loose definition of "French-Canadian", it has now become a state of mind...like Hollywood (and since Obama's presidency, being black is also a state of mind).
Here we will compare which side is more douche, the Maudits anglais (also known as the Loyalists or Tories) or the F*#&ing Francophones (also known as les Canadiens or les Patriotes). The douche points don't count for those who don't take sides nor complain about the language ambience in Canada (particularly Ottawa). They apply to all who have contributed to Canada's linguistic Politricks. Aside the colonists, the Lieberals are the biggest douches to blame! These points are awarded as proportionally and objectively as possible without explanation.
Douche Points 
Nonsense: 	Maudits anglais	F*#&ing Francophones
Colonization 	5 	2
Prohibition 	2 	0
Socialism 	2 	3
Terrorism 	0 	4
Liberalism
(big "L") 	1 	3
Job Theft 	1 	1
Culture 	1 	2
Identity 	2 	1
Accusations of treason	5* 	0
Total: 	Douche! 	Douche!
* The points are so high for this because of the numerous and relatively recent incidents. The Maudits anglais have accused the Francophones of treason by assuming that they are secretly more loyal to the French Republic than to the British Queen (Canada's head of State). This not only includes the 2nd World War, when trying to recruit Francophones for the army, asking them why wouldn't they want to save their homeland from the wrath of the Krauts, but also in recent times such as nominating a French citizen as Governor General and another French citizen as leader of the Lieberals.
It honestly doesn't matter who wins in douche points...because they're all douche!
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