The Outsider

== Chapter 1 ==
"It's her," the girl said making a revolted face. "How are you, pig face?" snickered a boy standing next to her. I tried to speak but a lump in my throa 
t made it impossible for me to utter even a single word. 
Oh, let me introduce myself. I'm nobody. Or you can call me Sierra Banks. I ignored the boys calling me a witch. My pale-skin, dark, messy hair, steely blue eyes and really deep red lips made me look like a witch sometimes. I was teased about it a lot, which made me insecure about my looks but that's not the point.
My life is really complicated, at home and at school. I guess you could say I've been through tragedies, my...sister died in a car accident when I was nine, she was only eight. I was fourteen now but still hadn't totally gotten her death. I couldn't form intelligible or precise words that described how upset I was for about two years after she died. She was my only friend for years, but that was until I met Ireshi, another outcast. 
Ireshi had moved to America after her dad had gotten a transfer here. She was from Thailand and was actually very pretty which made me question why she was unpopular. Her silvery-green sloped eyes reflected so much beauty, her brown hair was always pulled into a very elaborate braid, her lips were heart-shaped and so smooth that....okay, now I'm getting carried away. If you couldn’t already tell, I like Ireshi, like...a lot. And now you’ve also figured out that I like girls. Well, that goes way back.
I used to be the It Girl of school, people didn’t call me pig face or witch, they called me Little Miss Perfect, the Queen Bee and other stuff. Everyone wanted to be me, everyone loved me and I was...perfect. People envied me, but it was apparently good for my reputation. I was born rich, so I had everything a girl could ever want. High-quality dresses, makeup, accessories and even dates. Dates where I felt nothing...No spark, no attraction but if I wanted to keep the It Girl charade, I had to go on random dates with guys. 
But then...Ireshi came to school, according to non-existent It Girl rules I needed to be mean to her. I was hesitant, she looked stunning and was always so kind and….I still did it. 
I knew I liked her, knew I liked girls but still was horrible and malicious to her within the first weeks of her being here. Why? I’m not sure...sometimes being mean to people made me feel better about myself, appalling, I know. But….I wanted to take out my leftover anger about my sister on everyone. Hurt everyone just because I was hurt, I feel sick when I think about it now but that was my mindset earlier and I really couldn’t change it.
I remember how I came out though, my popular friends or now- ex-friends, pushed me to date Carter. Carter John was my mental enemy, he always joined in when I made fun of Ireshi. It’s senseless but I hated that he teased her, I remember the pain her eyes reflected. I remember watching her alone during lunch, as tears fell onto her table. I remember watching Carter going to her and making fun of her. She was also very open about liking both girls and boys- which automatically subjected to everyone bullying her.
The people who bullied her obviously didn’t think I was getting affected in more than one way. Them bullying her broke my heart, but...them saying horrible things about a part of my identity just made me feel wrong. I was wrong.
My friends always told me to go out with Carter but at one point I just….burst. I yelled out that I liked girls and after that I was nobody.
== Chapter 2 ==
Being nobody at school was challenging but nothing was worse than home. My dad is....not the best husband- or the best dad when it comes to that. He was sadistic- very sadistic. And he doesn't want help for it at all, he's cheating on my mom and I'm sure my mom doesn't know. I have a vivid image in my mind of how...I found out.
I remember him being in the washroom and his phone going off with texts, I was using it for a school project and decided to see who it was...And then I saw that this was another woman, he was seeing. And the worst part was that it was Ireshi's mom, Mei...Ireshi's mom.
My best friend's mom. She was in a content marriage, why just...why did this have to happen? It's been two months since I've found out and I have no idea what to do. I don't wanna ruin my family, I don't want to ruin Ireshi's family. I don't want to do anything, I don't want to be here. I just don't understand why. I pushed my books into my locker and chose to go into the washroom and freshen up. I needed a second for myself, not my parents, not my friends, not my bullies. Just myself.
I took a deep breath and swung my bag over my shoulder, heading to the bathroom. The stalls were all vacant, I leaned against the sink letting a tear fall down. I could feel my breathing shallow, my thoughts closing. Panic and darkness obscuring over my head, I clutched my heart trying my best to breathe. I watched tears trickle down my cheek, I was struggling to even out my breathing, everything was just a blur. I was losing control. I could hear the blood passing through my ears, the pain coming over my heart. My vision got darker and narrower and looked kaleidoscopic, colours danced around in front of my eyes. I felt myself sink to the floor as my breathing thinned down further. I felt my head spinning and I genuinely felt like I was dying. My mind was racing with thoughts and my feelings were becoming very overbearing, they were crashing onto me, breaking me apart. I was losing control. 
Bile rose in my throat and I gulped, attempting to scream but I couldn't speak, I could barely open my mouth. Pain shot through my arm and I strived to calm down, help myself stop but I couldn't. This sense of dread, unease, fear and trepidation had taken over me. I felt like I was being choked, I could feel my heart race so vociferously. I felt random chills, but I could feel my body's warmth. I was trembling, and falling into an endless hole of despair. It almost felt like I was being stabbed. I wasn't there anymore though, my feelings had taken over. I had no control over myself. I had never felt so alone, I couldn't feel anything. But that was better than the sense of doom that had come over me. I felt my breathing settle a little bit, and I eased into my posture not quavering anymore. 
I sighed in relief and wiped my tears away, still a bit shaky. I was fine. But....not really, I was...broken. And nothing could change it. The stress of keeping everything from Ireshi and my mom was too much...I didn't want to keep it from anyone and I had tried to make her find out herself but...I couldn't. Every time I saw Ireshi's mom, my nauseousness would rise and my entire body would burn with anger. I shook my head, regaining my composure and walked out of the washroom. Late for class.
Just what I needed. I waited for the day to be over, I was supposed to go over to Ireshi's in the evening.
I walked the few blocks to my house, oh and like I mentioned before, I was extremely rich. My mom was an anesthesiologist and my dad owned a hospital. My home was a three-storey marble house, decorated with small crystal-like (but cheaper) stones. I stepped inside the white building and went up the stairs.
"Hi darling," said my mother. She sat on the couch under the stairs, there were actually two staircases on that floor, one was above where my mom sat and one was beside me, I had just come up the stairs from the ground floor, so this was the first floor. There were two rooms there, one was my mom's and one was my dad's. If I went upstairs from the stairs above my mom, I would see my sister's room...I was careful not to use that one. My mom had a spray tan (which was horribly done), and her blonde ringlets fell onto her shoulders. Her eyes were the same blue as me, except she actually looked good in them. I gave her a small smile and choked in tears, my mom might be vain and arrogant- sometimes mean even, but she was still my mom and she deserved to know the truth. I couldn't speak for a second, I let out a defeated groan. 
"Honey, everything okay?" asked my mom, with a concerned look on her face. She walked over to me and looked deep into my eyes. I hoped she couldn't see my pain, guilt and...I don't know. I didn't know what feelings I was hiding from everyone but I knew I couldn't let anyone see how I really felt. 
She traced my furrowed eyebrows, making me realize I was frowning. She kissed my cheek and said, "I think you should go over to Ireshi, it might help get your mind off whatever you're worried about." She gave a perfect smile and sashayed back to her seat. I nodded and hurried up the stairs. I didn't stop at my own room though, I decided it was time to face my sister's death. I took a deep breath and stepped inside my sister's room.
== Chapter 3 ==
The room was intact, it seemed like it hadn't been opened in years now. Which could have been true, after her sister, Eislyn died my parents started to pretend like she never existed. At first, I had been so resentful but then I realized that was how my parents coped. By pretending that they weren't drowning in misery. By pretending that they were fine when they were ruined. In fact, that was how I coped too, but it never worked. Which was probably why it was so important that I finally tried to face my fears.
I stared at the pink bedsheet, which clearly had a lot of dust on it. I neared the bed and swiped my finger over the side table and the dust stuck to my fingers. I could almost sense my sister's presence in the room. The lavender scent that was issuing through every single item in the room, my sister always used to be obsessed with scents and...lavender was her favourite everything. I stopped myself from collapsing onto the floor in tears and shut my eyes for a second, letting a couple of tears fall onto the ground. I looked into the mirror on her dressing table, touching the perfumes and combs on the table. A few strands of blonde hair were twirled between the spikes of the comb.
I shut my eyes hoping I wouldn’t have another anxiety attack. I sighed looking into the photo frame on the table. It had a picture of all of us, my mom, my dad and my sister and me. We looked so perfect, we were so perfect. But ever since Eislyn was gone, it was like we all had just broken into pieces. She was holding the entire family together. Or...maybe she knew. Maybe she also knew what Dad was doing...No, she wouldn’t keep that from us, from me. The shot in the picture frame was from our trip to the zoo, it reminded me of how great our life was before she was gone. I could feel the pink walls close in, but I tried my best to avoid my fear.
I almost fell to the ground again but someone saved me and tapped my shoulder. I turned back to see Ireshi, her face was tear-stained. I took in a deep breath and said, “What’s wrong?” “We need to talk,” she whispered, her voice was shaky and the pain in her eyes concerned me but….I wasn’t ready for another revelation that would shatter my heart. “Not now,” I whispered, fiddling with the photo frame which was still in my hands. “What?” said Ireshi, spite emphasized in each word 
“N-not now, Ireshi,” I said, fear and the slightest bit of contempt laced between my words. “I...please,” said Ireshi, the anger and fright in her voice were becoming more significant. I don’t know if it was just the “heat of the moment” or just a stressful day, I lashed out. “No, Ireshi, I already said no! I’m tired of everything now.” A single tear fell down my face but it was nothing compared to the look of horror and betrayal on Ireshi’s face. I started stuttering an apology but Ireshi cut me off. “You know what, I’m done too! I’m done with not knowing who genuinely cares for me, not feeling validated or loved- even by my own best friend. Having my best friend ignore me when I-I- wanted to tell her that her dad is cheating on her with her best friend's mom,” she said, tears flowing down her face now.
“I-what?” I said, my heart racing with fear and dread. So much dread, it was weighing on me. Ireshi didn’t utter a single word, she just collapsed to the ground, dropping her brown backpack on the ground. I sat on the bed trying to sort out my thoughts and feelings and trying to figure out what I should say. I decided on, “How do you know?”
“He- I saw them at school today- right after you left- near my car, they were...close,” said Ireshi, trembling. I attempted my hardest not to break into tears and have a panic attack- I sat on the ground, holding Ireshi and hoping, just hoping we wouldn’t collapse.
“Did you...ever suspect?” she said, looking into my eyes as if she was searching for an answer. And here it comes, the moment which I dread. 
“I-no.”
But Ireshi had recognized the hesitation in my words and the falsehood in my eyes. “You did,” she whispered in a soft voice. Her voice rose as she repeated the words. “I’m sorry…,” I said, but it was too late. “You knew, Sierra! You knew and you lied!” she yelled, and the fury in her expression and tone was unmistakable. She swung her back over her shoulder, running out of her sister’s room.
== Chapter 4 ==
I kicked the edge of my bed and rushed back to my room. I threw on a sweater and a pair of jeans. Anger was still coursing through my veins, I picked up a pillow and threw it across the room. 
I always had a hard time with feelings, I wanted to stop the pain and the anger but I couldn’t- which made me so annoyed and aggressive- sometimes even a little bit violent. Well, not in the way you’re thinking- I didn’t abuse people or try to hurt others but my thoughts went into a somewhat darker place in which I wanted people to feel the same amount of pain I did. I know it makes me a horrible person...but I can’t change it- like most things in my life.
I decided to go out to calm myself- I didn’t care what would happen if my dad left, didn’t care what would happen if my life fell apart or even if the earth got destroyed. I just wanted my life back. I hurried down the stairs stepping out of my house. I realized it was around 4 in the afternoon and I had lunch at school, I grabbed some money from my purse to get ice cream on the way to my spot. Oh, the spot.
It’s a lake about thirty-minutes (on foot) away from my house- it’s located in a very isolated area, it’s almost a forgotten place which nobody knows about- except me and my sister. We used to go there alone every single day, the lake was beautiful. The body of crystal clear, blue water looked beautiful each evening as the sun reflected into it. The vibrant and dull colours of dusk morphed into one and the view was breathtaking and refreshing each time you would see it. You could see all of this from a wooden bench placed a few feet from the lake. Behind the bench was a gorgeous forest- the Golden Chestnut Covert. The forest was stunning, also isolated. I was pretty sure a few people knew about it but nobody was ever there so I claimed the spot for myself. The forest was thick and dense, the towering and tall trees always had a sense of doom and inside the forest were scattered golden leaves. They looked magical sometimes- but they were just golden leaves. The forest also contained a lot of chestnut trees which led to its name. 
So, I set off alone with just a couple bucks in my palms for a one hour walk to an isolated spot. What could go wrong?
I breathed in and walked for a long time, panting and reached the ice cream cart in about fifteen minutes, I handed the icecream man the crushed dollar bill and got a chocolate ice cream. I finished the dessert quickly and headed towards the spot. I arrived there sooner than I thought. I quickly went inside through the small opening between the bushes. I sat down on the bench and noticed that the cocktail blue shade of the sky was turning into a tar-black as the clouds moved towards me. The air whispered and a huffing wind rose blowing my hair to my east.
I anticipated that it was going to rain but I didn’t mind. To me, the rain was just calming. The soft pitter-patter would sound like music to my ears, it formed a music pattern and soothed me when I was nervous. 
I watched the still water until it started raining. The cold, persistent raindrops fell onto my sweater making it wet. I shivered but enjoyed the melody of the droplets as they fell onto the grass. The white noise of nature calmed me and it gently whisked down from the sky. It dripped on the flowers surrounding the lake, slowly trickling down my skin, it fell onto the bench. Each small blob of water looked powerful. I stared at the lake for who knows how long? But the ripples in the lake made by the rain were hypnotizing. I figured it was late since it was very late now, the rain hadn’t completely stopped yet.
I decided to go back home and…..oh no. I had been here for hours...which probably meant that Ireshi had....told my mom and her dad... 
An overwhelming sense of apprehension and worry came over me, I was glad that my parents were separating, it seems weird I know...but I didn’t want my dad to play us around anymore. The part I was scared about was how my mom would react about the fact that I hid it from her…
A tear trickled down my cheeks as I furrowed my eyebrows and frowned. My breathing shallowed as my tears continued to pour out. I waited for a couple of minutes before drying my eyes and that’s when I saw her. The blonde hair, the deep hazel eyes, the freckles and heart-shaped lips couldn’t be mistaken. It was my sister.
== Chapter 5 ==
“I-Eislyn?” I whispered as my eyes welled up again. The girl returned a mischievous grin, the lavender scent coming from her confirmed that it was Eislyn but...she..couldn’t be back.
As much as I hated to admit it, there was no way. She had a grave too, she couldn’t...be alive. I couldn’t ever see her again. The weight of the words hit me but I wouldn’t collapse in front of a little girl. “Who are you?” I said, a bit more clearly. 
“Eislyn Banks, your sister,” the girl said loudly. 
The girl’s voice was completely like my sister’s. I took a step back but lost my footing, falling onto the ground. I sighed and spoke in a colder tone, “You can’t be my sister, just tell me who you are and how you know me.”
“I already did, Sisi,” she said, giggling a bit. But that name changed everything, the only person who called me Sisi was my sister and no one except my parents knew she called me that. I gasped and said, “E-Eislyn, is that really you?” 
“Yup! Did you miss me?” she said, a bright smile appearing on her face. I gave her the tightest hug as a response but my head was swirling with questions.
Why? How? When?
I was so confused but all I could think of at the moment was that my sister was back. I soaked her shoulder with tears as they flowed out. I couldn’t be any happier, all my worries faded away into the background. 
After all these years, Eislyn was back. I was letting go of the pain, anger, the past, my mistakes, my hate. I was surrendering everything just because I’d just found a reason to live. Hope finally bloomed in me, just a couple minutes ago I was looking for ways through which I could escape living and now, happiness was streaking through me. 
I spent all my days wondering when the day would be that I would learn to appreciate my life more, find value in it, finding some form of happiness. I wanted anyone to give me back my perfect life- when all I was missing was my sister. Who was back.
I tore myself away from my happy thoughts and I asked, “You’re thirteen now?” She beamed and said, “Yes! How do I look?” She made bizarre poses which made me laugh, I wiped my tears away and asked, “How...are you here? We...thought you were dead.”
She asked me to lower my voice and whispered, “That’s a long story, but you can’t tell anyone I’m here for a while. It’s a long story and it’s a secret mission I’m on but I do need a favour from you.”
“Anything for you, baby,” I said, a bit confused but I continued looking at her fondly. Her sister looked deep in thought and after a minute, finally spoke, “I need you to murder Ireshi.”
(To those of you who didn’t understand [well, I didn’t really explain--]: Basically, Eislyn is a figment of Sierra’s imagination made from her anger, pain etc. It’s sort of like Sierra’s alter ego, and Eislyn existed, yes. But she never came back from the dead at all, and this was all in Sierra’s head but she did do everything in real life if that makes sense. I see all the plot holes but oh well...Um, if y’all have questions I would be more than happy to answer them, okay, I hope you enjoyed, bye!)
Category:Book
Category:Realistic Fiction
Category:Fiction
Category:Books