Never Felt So Alone

is the fifth episode of the twentieth season and the 425th overall episode of Grey's Anatomy.
==Short Summary==
It's all hands on deck at Grey Sloan when a group of medical students is injured by a floor collapsing at their white coat party. Jo and Link are forced to talk about the future, while Jules confronts Winston about his attitude.
==Full Summary==
Taryn is helping Mika study at Joe's bar. They notice Simone and Lucas sitting down back-to-back in different booths. Mika doesn't care if they'll ever talk to each other again. Mika gets her answer right.
Teddy, Owen, and Bailey discuss their children's food habits as they head out for the night. Bailey and Owen are paged to the pit for multiple traumas.
Jo and Link are going home for movie night. Since they're on call, Jo thinks they should sleep when they can. Link thinks it's her way of avoiding his movie pick. She still thinks she deserves extra credit for that baseball movie she sat through. He points out that was five weeks ago, which makes her realize her period is late. They are paged to the ER, too.
Meredith and Amelia are reading up on feral bacteria. Meredith needs to confirm certain bacteria in the gut. She needs hard data to approach Catherine again. Meredith parents through texts with Zola and finds out that Nick took Bailey to the hospital.
Taryn, Mika, Lucas, and Simone arrive in the packed ER. A floor collapsed at a white coat party. Most patients have superficial or musculoskeletal injuries. Bailey says it's going to be a long night. 
Link informs Simone that Eddie Oliver dislocated his shoulder. He has her reduce it and follow up with an MRI. Link then follows Jo. Lucas offers Simone to help but she recruits Benson instead. Owen fetches Nico for an incoming rig.
Meredith calls Nick, who tells her that Bailey has early appendicitis. The surgeon on call gave Bailey morphine for the pain so he's a little out of it. The surgeon will call Meredith for consent to surgery. Meredith says at least someone was thinking about that. Nick says he was just about to call her. Meredith cuts him off and says she needs to change her flight. She'll be there as soon as she can. She hangs up.
The rig unloads Sophia Valdez, 26, who was impaled by a wood beam. She has bilateral neuro deficits in both extremities. Sophia says the paramedics took her white coat. Lucas will try to find it. Sophia knows that it's bad that she can't feel her right leg. Owen has neuro paged.
Winston is handed an envelope in the CCU. Jules comes up and Winston says they'll have to make this quick. They head into Gilbert Quincy's room. Gilbert has severe anxiety, which causes palpitations. As Jules presents the case, a woman comes in and climbs into Gilbert's bed to hug him. Angela is a professional cuddler. Gilbert had to get creative when the anti-anxiety meds stopped working. Angela explains that cuddling releases hormones that lower stress and anxiety. Winston deems it a racket and leaves the room.
As she searches for a pregnancy test in the supply room, Jo realises it's the worst time to have a baby with Luna starting preschool and her written exams coming up. She freaks out over the amount of diapers they would need. Link is confident they'll be able to figure it out and the state of Washington offers options, if she wants. They're in this together. Jo is paged.
Amelia joins Owen in the trauma room. Sophia says this is not how she pictured her first trauma. Sophia is unable to move her toes nor does she feel Amelia touching her foot. Amelia orders a CT stat. Sophia has always wanted to be a surgeon. Lucas brings in her bloodied white coat. Owen calms her down before moving her to CT.
Meredith is struggling to book a flight. Richard walks by and she explains the situation to him. He will arrange Catherine's private jet.
Mika tells Levi she's done with an arm lac. He assigns her to the fast track filled with simpler cases. As the fastest prerounder in med school, Mika is confident she can do it. As she introduces herself, she is hit in the face with a glove. Two drunk students high-five.
Sophia tells Lucas that she wants to be him. She asks if she knows what it's like to want something so bad that it hurts. He understands the feeling. Sophia begs her to fix him. Owen summons Nico so they can start the scan. In the booth, the scans reveal that the wood partially severed her spinal cord at T4-T5. With an expanding hematoma in the spina, the blood supply is tenuous. Amelia says they'll remove the wood, irrigate the hematoma, close her up and hope for the best. Doing more could cause the entire spinal cord to stroke out. Lucas books the OR.
Bailey finds Simone and orders her to go home since she's almost at her maximum hours for the week. Simone goes to hand off her patient to Benson but they find that the patient is gone from his bed. She fears Bailey will fire her for letting a drunk med student loose around the hospital.
Meredith and Richard are on the jet. Meredith calls Nick, who says they took Bailey to pre-op. Meredith says she should be there by the time he wakes up. She would've been there sooner if she had known. Nick explains Bailey complained about his stomach after hockey practice. A quick exam revealed rebound tenderness so he called dr. Ankrom, who had him come in. Meredith thinks he should have called her instead. Nick didn't want to worry her. Nick promises he'll call her next time. Meredith stresses she needs to be called whenever decisions need to be made regarding her kids.
Mika struggles to examine the drunk students and goes to ask Taryn to swap her out.
Winston is not amused upon finding out that Gilbert is not prepped yet. Jules explains that his heart rate kept going up during the echo. Angela suggests they wait 30 minutes to give him time to relax. Winston refuses to shift his busy schedule around because his patient needs a human weighted blanket. Jules sends Angela to go check on Gilbert and tells Winston that they can do the echo intraoperatively. She knows she's out of line but she thinks he needs to hear that he's been a jerk lately, while he used to be the cool attending. She wants to learn from him but not if it means being disrespected or watching him judge patients. Winston wants the patient prepped in 20 minutes.
Before she's put under, Sophia tells Owen and Amelia that she's never been in an OR before. Her father, a late trauma surgeon, told her there's this invisible energy in the OR. She gets it know. She asks them to make sure her coat is with her stuff, no matter how ruined it is.
Benson and Simone look for Eddie. Nurse Karen saw him near the stairwell leading to the roof.
Simone and Benson arrive on the roof and find Eddie walking on the edge. Simone asks him to come down. His MRI is fine so he can go home. Eddie barely reacts to the news. Benson thinks Eddie is drunk but Simone says his labs indicate he's completely sober. As he stands near the edge, Eddie ponders letting the wind decide his fate. 
Meredith paces on the plane. Nick texts her that Bailey is still in surgery. Meredith is worried about complications, especially at night. Derek's death is on her mind now.
Eddie ignores Benson and Simone's requests to come down. Simone asks if he came there to hurt himself. He doesn't know. He admits to thinking about suicide sometimes. Simone convinces him to at least sit down. His feet dangling over the edge, Eddie comments the city seems darker from here. Benson texts Bailey.
Mika's patient keeps reaching for the wound that she just stitched up. She restrains his arm, causing the patient to shout that she is malpractising him. He then throws up all over her. Bailey is surprised to see Ben get off the elevator when she thought he wasn't working tonight. He's subbing. She realizes Tuck's at home by himself. She checks on her phone to see if he remembered to activate the alarm. She then receives Benson's text and the two of them head for the roof.
Over Sophia, Owen and Amelia reminisce about the high that surgery used to give them. Owen pulls out the wood. They rush to get the bleeding under the control and find that the edges are cleaner than expected. She realizes that he's suggesting they do a primary repair. Amelia can't guarantee the outcome. From the gallery, Lucas says Sophia would hate them not taking the chance. Amelia decides to go for it. It's going to be a long night.
Jo comes out of the bathroom and hands the test to Link. He says it's negative and lets out a sigh of relief. He loves being a dad but he's tired and parenting is hard. She takes the test and says it's not negative, nor positive. It's a dud.
Winston and Jules are taking Gilbert to the cath lab when he has another panic attack. He refuses to have them call Angela since she charges by the hour. Winston then climbs into bed and hugs him to prevent him from going into V-fib. Gilbert calms down.
Simone recalls her white coat ceremony. With the horrible traffic, her dad walked in right as she was reciting her coat. Eddie barely passed his biochem test after busting his ass studying, even with a tutor. He gets up and starts pacing on the edge again. He can't sleep due to all the stress he's under. Simone encourages him to say what's on his mind. He thinks he is broken. He takes a small step forward and throws his white coat off the roof, saying he doesn't deserve it anymore.
Benson goes to talk to Ben and Bailey, who stay by the door. Ben checks if Eddie has spoken about actually wanting to jump. Since they're dealing with suicidal ideation rather than an attempt, they should keep calm and keep talking. Abruptly changing the situation might make it worse. Benson returns to Simone while Ben assures Bailey that they'll intervene once there is a sign that the situation becomes unstable.
Richard and Meredith arrive in Bailey's room. Nick tells them the surgery went well. Bailey hasn't woken up yet. Meredith tells Nick to go. He leaves in dismay. Meredith thanks Richard for coming with and supporting her. She assures him that she is fine. She misses Derek, especially when the kids wake up in the middle of the night and she has no one to talk to. Richard thinks she should talk to Nick. Bailey wakes up and asks where Nick is.
In the OR, after approximating the pia mater, there is some bleeding but Amelia says suction can damage the spinal cord. She uses gel foam soaked in dexamethasone. Owen tells the nurses to keep quiet. They're on the homestretch now. Amelia stops the bleeding. They can close. Lucas applauds from the gallery.
After the ablation, Winston tells Jules it went well. She admits his actions made it possible. She apologizes for what she said earlier. He says it was right. He hasn't been bringing his best self to work because his personal life is a mess. He knows that can't be an excuse. He compliments her work today.
Eddie asks Simone when she felt like a doctor. She supposes a few weeks into residency. Eddie says a patient called him "Doctor" tonight because of the white coat. Eddie is not sure what he is anymore. He's just a guy going through the motions. Everyone else has it all figured out but he does not know how to live with... "The pressure and all the pain?" Benson adds. He didn't either. A lot of people don't, no matter how they make it look. Most days, he still doesn't feel like a doctor, but he's still here. They can get him some help. Benson reaches for Eddie's hand. He takes it and steps off the ledge. Simone and Benson offer him their support.
Meredith finds Nick in his office. He has been with her kids for two days, getting them to school and practice and rehearsal and feeding them. Out of an abundance of caution, he brought Bailey here. And he could have called Meredith but he was busy making arrangements with the nanny. Meredith says she feels guilty about not being there when her kid got sick, when she is all that they have. Nick says those kids have many people in their corner, his being one of them. It doesn't feel like Meredith trusts him. She admits she panicked. She came to apologize. She has been doing this by herself for a long time so she needs some time to adjust. He forgives her.
Jo meets Link at the coffee cart. She's for sure not pregnant but she does want another baby with him. He doesn't have to decide now because she wants Luna to be a little older. She wants to do this right, meaning she wants him to know all the things that are in her head. Link says it's going to take some time but he can get there. They go to pick up their children.
Two students leave the ER. Levi and Mika sit down on a bench outside. She asks if he knew fast track would suck that much when he assigned her. Levi says his night wasn't much better. At least they're done with medical school. Levi then reveals that he tried to put her on the impalement but Taryn overruled him.
Lucas brings Sophia's coat to her ICU room. Owen and Amelia tell her that the hope is that she'll regain full motor function. She can already wiggle her toes a little. Sophia never thought that would make her this happy. Owen and Amelia leave the room as Sophia ponders becoming a neurosurgeon. Lucas jokes that third year of med school will break her. She's ready for it.
Simone exits Eddie's room as Benson watches him from outside. Eddie's doing okay. The psychiatrist is in there evaluating him. Simone tells Benson he can always talk to her about what he said up on the roof, but he doesn't want to talk about it.
In the locker room, Jules tells Mika she finds it unsettling for Mika to be quiet. Mika says Taryn betrayed her by blocking her from getting on a really cool case. She's trying to stay calm but she's enraged. Jules takes her hand to perform accupressure, one of the very few things Jules's mother ever did right for her. It works for Mika, too.
Amelia checks in on Winston. Maggie told her that the divorce papers were coming in today. Owen interrupts to tell Amelia that he hasn't felt a rush like this in a long time. Teddy arrives for work and Winston informs her that he assigned her a TAVR for tomorrow. He e-mailed her the case. She tells Owen he needs to pick up Leo and take care of the laundry.
Bailey meets Ben outside. Of course he waited for her after the night she's had. Bailey says a med student from her year took her life. She was a real overachiever. Ben says medical school want overachievers and perfectionists. Add unrealistic expectations and it makes a recipe for mental illness, especially for people who are already struggling. Ben says it's good that the residents have Bailey looking out for them. Bailey is happy to have Ben looking out for her.
Simone struggles to fall asleep in the on-call room. Lucas comes in wanting to talk but she says she had a really long night. He goes to leave but she invites him to lie down with her. He does so and they stare into each other's eyes.
==Cast==
20x05MeredithGrey.png|Meredith Grey
20x05MirandaBailey.png|Miranda Bailey
20x05RichardWebber.png|Richard Webber
20x05OwenHunt.png|Owen Hunt
20x05AmeliaShepherd.png|Amelia Shepherd
20x05JoWilson.png|Jo Wilson
20x05TeddyAltman.png|Teddy Altman
20x05LeviSchmitt.png|Levi Schmitt
20x05AtticusLincoln.png|Atticus Lincoln
20x05WinstonNdugu.png|Winston Ndugu
20x05SimoneGriffith.png|Simone Griffith
20x05BensonKwan.png|Benson Kwan
20x05JulesMillin.png|Jules Millin
20x05MikaYasuda.png|Mika Yasuda
20x05LucasAdams.png|Lucas Adams
20x05BenWarren.png|Ben Warren
20x05NickMarsh.png|Nick Marsh
20x05TarynHelm.png|Taryn Helm
20x05EddieOliver.png|Eddie Oliver
20x05SophiaValdez.png|Sophia Valdez
20x05PeteGabriel.png|Pete Gabriel
20x05GilbertQuincy.png|Gilbert Quincy
20x05NurseKaren.png|Nurse Karen
20x05ParamedicJGause.png|Paramedic J. Gause
20x05DerekBaileyShepherd.png|Derek Bailey Shepherd
20x05Angela.png|Angela
20x05Ralph.png|Ralph
20x05Courier.png|Courier
===Main Cast===
*Ellen Pompeo as Dr. Meredith Grey
*Chandra Wilson as Dr. Miranda Bailey
*James Pickens, Jr. as Dr. Richard Webber
*Kevin McKidd as Dr. Owen Hunt
*Caterina Scorsone as Dr. Amelia Shepherd
*Camilla Luddington as Dr. Jo Wilson
*Kim Raver as Dr. Teddy Altman
*Jake Borelli as Dr. Levi Schmitt
*Chris Carmack as Dr. Atticus Lincoln
*Anthony Hill as Dr. Winston Ndugu
*Alexis Floyd as Dr. Simone Griffith
*Harry Shum Jr. as Dr. Benson "Blue" Kwan
*Adelaide Kane as Dr. Jules Millin
*Midori Francis as Dr. Mika Yasuda
*Niko Terho as Dr. Lucas Adams
===Guest Stars===
*Jason George as Dr. Ben Warren
*Scott Speedman as Dr. Nick Marsh
*Jaicy Elliot as Dr. Taryn Helm
*Shane Paul McGhie as Eddie Oliver
*Victoria Moroles as Sophia Valdez
*Logan Shroyer as Pete Gabriel
*Tom DeTrinis as Gilbert Quincy
===Co-Starring===
*Fran Nichols as Nurse Karen
*Rasta Thomas as Paramedic
*Brody Goodstadt & Ryder Nolan Goodstadt as Bailey
*Syra McCarthy as Angela
*Edgar de Santiago as Ralph
*Jelani Adams as Courier
==Medical Notes==
===Derek Bailey Shepherd===
*Diagnosis:
**Appendicitis
*Doctors:
**Dr. Ankrom
*Treatment:
**Antibiotics
**Morphine
**Appendectomy
Bailey had stomach pain, so Nick examined him and took him to the hospital, where they diagnosed appendicitis. He was given antibiotics and morphine and then had an appendectomy. His surgery went well and he woke up afterward.
===Ralph===
*Diagnosis:
*Doctors:
**Mika Yasuda (surgical intern)
*Treatment:
Ralph was injured when a second-floor deck collapsed. Mika treated him for minor injuries.
===Pete Gabriel===
*Diagnosis:
**Arm laceration
*Doctors:
**Mika Yasuda (surgical intern)
*Treatment:
**IV Fluids
**Stitches
Pete was injured when a second-floor deck collapsed. In the ER, he placed with his O2 monitor to get it to flatline, so Mika disabled it. She later stitched up his arm and bandaged it. When he wouldn't leave the bandage alone, she restrained him. He then vomited on her.
===Eddie Oliver===
*Diagnosis:
**Dislocated shoulder
*Doctors:
**Atticus Lincoln (orthopedic surgeon)
**Simone Griffith (surgical intern)
**Benson Kwan (surgical intern)
**Psychiatrist
*Treatment:
**Closed reduction
Eddie was injured when a second-floor deck collapsed. His left shoulder was dislocated, so Link told Simone to reduce it and get him an MRI. When Simone was forced to leave, she tried to hand his care over to Benson only to find he wasn't in his bed. They found him on the roof, where he was standing on the edge. Simone talked to him and got him to sit down. He explained how he felt like a failure. When Benson shared the same sentiment, Eddie agreed to step down from the ledge. They took him inside and had psych consult on him.
===Sophia Valdez===
*Diagnosis:
**Impalement injury
**Brown-Séquard syndrome
**Spinal hematoma
*Doctors:
**Amelia Shepherd (neurosurgeon)
**Owen Hunt (trauma surgeon)
**Lucas Adams (surgical intern)
*Treatment:
**Surgical extraction
**Primary repair
Sophia, 26, was impaled on a wooden beam when a second-floor deck collapsed. She had no feeling in her legs. Amelia examined her and she was unable to move her toes and had absent reflexes in her feet. Amelia ordered a CT, which showed that her spinal cord had been partially severed at T-4 and T-5. She also had an expanding hematoma in her spinal cord. They made a plan to remove the wooden beam, irrigate the hematoma, and then close, which would likely leave her paralyzed. They removed the wooden beam and saw that the bleeding was minor. Owen suggested a primary repair, which would give Sophia a chance at restoring use of her legs. After considering it, Amelia agreed to try. There was some bleeding, which Amelia was able to stop without suction. Then she closed. Sophia was told they had hope she'd regain full function. She was able to move her toes.
===Gilbert Quincy===
*Diagnosis:
**SVT with AVRT
**Anxiety
*Doctors:
**Winston Ndugu (cardiothoracic surgeon)
**Jules Millin (surgical intern)
*Treatment:
**Oral medication
**Cardiac ablation
Gilbert, 41, had been diagnosed with SVT with AVRT that was resistant to medication. He was scheduled for a cardiac ablation. He also had significant anxiety, for which he took medication and also hired a professional cuddler. His tests were delayed by his anxiety. When he was finally ready for surgery, he panicked on the way and Winston held him to calm him down. His surgery went well.
===Jo Wilson===
*Diagnosis:
*Doctors:
*Treatment:
Jo was worried she was pregnant, so she took a test, which was negative.
===Mika's Patient===
*Diagnosis:
**Arm laceration
*Doctors:
**Mika Yasuda (surgical intern)
*Treatment:
**Stitches
Mika stitched an arm laceration in bed 7.
==Music==
Song 	Performer 	Scene
"Talking" 	The Darcys 	
*Taryn quizzes Mika at the bar.
*Simone and Lucas ignore each other.
*Teddy, Owen, and Bailey talk about their kids.
"In Between" 	Wilderado feat. Matt Berninger	
*Meredith apologizes to Nick.
*Jo tells Link she's not pregnant, but she wants another kid.
*Mika watches the med students leave the hospital.
"Your Child My Child"	Natasha Bedingfield, MILCK 	
*Jules helps Mika.
*Amelia checks in with Winston.
*Winston clears Teddy to operate.
*Ben and Bailey talk over coffee.
*Simone tries to sleep.
*Lucas comes in and asks if they can talk.
*She invites him to join her in the bed.
"Talking" - The Darcys
"In Between" - Wilderago feat Matt Berninger
"Your Child My Child" - MILCK & Natasha Bedingfield
==Notes and Trivia==
*This episode's title originated from the song , originally sung by Labyrinth.
*This episode scored 3.25 million viewers.
*This episode was followed by a PSA by Alexis Floyd offering resources for suicide and mental health crises.
==Gallery==
===Episode Stills===
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==Quotes==
==See Also==
de:Überforderung
es:Nunca me sentí tan solo
Category:All Episodes
Category:GA Episodes
Category:GA S20 Episodes