Uncletrucker

"Uncletrucker" is the second episode of Season 3 of Life in Bikini Bottom, and the 31st overall.
==Characters==
*SpongeCock SquarePants
*Fatprick Star
*Sheldon D. Bastard
*Fricky SquarePants
*Eugene F. Kraps
*ComputerBitch5000
*Polfgecks652
*
*
*Karen (mentioned)
*Shattered Penis
*Ronnie Snickersnee
*Bubble Ass (debut)
==Synopsis==
When Sheldon Bastard’s new government passes their first law prohibiting swearing, SpongeCock leads a rebellion to remove the censorships once and for all. Meanwhile, Trump and Biden go head to head in the first general debate, which ends up going up in flames.
==Plot==
“That damn fool SpongeCock already got 100,000 reteets? What the hell is wrong with these blasted buffoons!” Sheldon complains. CB5000 continues to look at the teet, shaking her head numerous times. “Oh, so all of my suspicions were correct, hm?” “ComputerBitch, I can assure you that I- okay, well, that’s not the problem anyway,” Sheldon shrugs it off. He then slaps Polfgecks652 angrily across his screen, causing him to malfunction for a second. “Excuse me, cease that malevolent behavior,” he fires back. “Oops. Sorry Polfgecks. This damn FOOL is sabotaging me! Can’t he respect true power when he sees it?” “Sheldon, we were supposed to express power in the bedroom tonight,” CB5000 replies. “That’s beside the point! If this damn fool thinks he can play with fire, then so can I! Polfgecks, open Titter,” he commands, as Polfgeck’s screen displays the Titter app. “Alright, here we go!” He then begins to type while reading his teet out loud. SpongeCock is the biggest SIMP in Bikini Bottom. This fucking yellow bucktooth wannabe bitch ass-” He then gets stopped by Polfgecks who shoves him back. “Sir, that language is HIGHLY blasphemous. You know I condemn all usage of profanity.” “What do you MEAN?” Sheldon asks. “Two wongs make a white! ….jeez, I really do sound like a dictator.” “No, that’s not how it works. You are being impartial,” Polfgecks scolds him. “I have a much better and more bipartisan compromise.”
As Polfgecks grabs Sheldon, the scene cuts to Donald Trump downing a bottle of beer at SpongeCock’s pineapple. SpongeCock walks by as Trump stops him. “Yo, Cock! Could you sauce me another… uh… whatever this is?” “You know, Donny, just because I’m letting you stay here-” “Actually, you didn’t,” Fricky comes over to correct him. “He just barged in here and never left.” “Whatever,” SpongeCock shakes it off, turning back to Trump. “Don’t you have presidential work to attend to?” “Nah, I just have Karen do most of my dirty work. Unless there’s some more black people here I can tell the cops to kill.” SpongeCock shakes his head, but not before a news flash comes on with Ronnie Snickersnee. “BREAKING NEWS! Today marks the first debate for the 2020 US Presidential Election, being held at the Fast Food Coliseum in Downtown Bikini Bottom. Democratic nominee Sleepy Joe will be going head to head with Republican incumbent Creep Throat.” The telecast then shows that Biden is at one podium, and the other is empty. 
“HAH!” Trump exclaims, “I’ll definitely be rooting for President Throat. Man, it must suck being president and having to go through re-election. I’d hate to be him,” he says while polishing off a second beer. “Uh… Mr. President? I believe Snickersnee was referring to you when he said Creep Throat,” SpongeCock points out with a deadpan expression. “Nonsense! Why would anyone give me such a demeaning nickname? This isn’t that damn fool Nancy, right?” “No, it definitely isn’t,” SpongeCock insists. “You should probably go there-” (breaks off to start whispering) ”so you can make more of a fool out of yourself.” SpongeCock looks up to see Fatprick sitting in the seat Trump was. “Wh- Fatprick, where did Trump go?” “He left to go to the debat-” Trump interrupts him mid sentence, who is being sat on by Fatprick. “No I didn’t. Although I must say, this is very hot.” “Yeah. You’re also gonna be hit with an aroma, just a warning,” Fatprick warns as SpongeCock walks away slowly.
Donald Trump: I’m going down to Bikini Bottom, gonna grab myself a pussy!
SpongeCock + Shitward: Fascism is everywhere, you don’t know what you got into!
Joe Biden: I’m going down to Bikini Bottom, gonna sniff myself some hair.
Fatprick: I was gonna take a shit, the government is tryna stop me!
Bernie Sanders: I’m going down to Bikini Bottom, let’s have Medicare for All!
Gory: Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow!
Mr. Kraps: They just took all of me money…
Sheldon Bastard: So come on down to Bikini Bottom, because you’ll be my slave here!
The episode cuts back to Sheldon and Polfgecks entering town hall. From the outside, several Bikini Bottomites can be seen lugging around tools and lumber in order to build a sign. As Sheldon heads into his office, he is greeted by Shattered Penis. “Greetings, King Bastard,” Shattered welcomes. “Huh? I thought I ordered your deportation from the premises!,” Sheldon snaps. “Yeah, but Polfgecks invited me back in. We have a way for you to silence your opposition in order for you to fully execute your plans. Remember - us Americans still have oversight.” “Sir, you used to live in Bikini Bottom, I still do not understand how you have a government position in the US,” Sheldon says, confused. “But anyway, what is your oh so great advice for me?” Polfgecks and Shattered nod to each other as Polfgecks rolls over to the side, presenting something on his screen. “All profanity must be outlawed from Bikini Bottom. Using such words is a sin,” he explains. “We must vote to outl-” 
“You think I care about populism, Polf? I call the shots here.” “Uh, so do we, sir,” Shattered steps in. “Yeah, you’re right,” Polfgecks blurts out. “I just act like I’m a centrist so my Biden funding looks better. Speaking of Biden, he also practices decency and morality. We must make sure he thrives in the debates tonight,” he adds. He then puts on a Biden 2020 hat, which just turns out to be a Keep Bikini Bottom Great hat. “Oh, we need more duct tape.” As he’s going off the screen to get the duct tape, Sheldon starts putting his hands together and laughing maniacally. “Oh hell YEAH! So this will restrict the free speech of my subjects, correct?” he asks. Shattered nods. “Yup. We also boost Biden’s ratings to get him elected. Let’s just hope he doesn’t forget that he’s running for president.” “Then it’s settled!” Sheldon declares. “We shall add the 28th amendment to the constitution - prohibition!” Polfgecks returns back. “That’s the 18th amendment, actually. Which should’ve NEVER been repealed. I strongly disavow of all alcohol consumption.” “Then you’re in the wrong town,” Sheldon replies.
 MEANWHILE, AT THE DEBATES
Trump is sitting in the hallway of the center arena of the stadium, waiting for him to go on stage with Biden. SpongeCock, Fatprick, Shitward, and Kraps had all been sitting in the stands near Trump’s entrance. But then Trump got worried. REAL worried. Like, the most worried he’d been in a while. If I were to tell you how worried he had been, oh boy. Then maybe YOU would become worried. So fuc- wait nevermind, swearing is illegal now. Forgot about that.
“I don’t know, guys,” Trump retorts to the quartet. “I feel like I’m losing my touch. The black fish are gonna boo me all night long.” SpongeCock then gets a deadpan expression on his face. “Um… you do know that we don’t support you, right? I wouldn’t have even let you in the house if you weren’t so stubborn.” Kraps then covers SpongeCock’s mouth, shoving his claw down his throat. “Oh that looks soooo HOT!” Trump jumps up and down, even taking a video of the act he was witnessing. Kraps then laughs hesitantly. “Don’t listen to him, Donny. I got your back!” He then waves his claw around as Trump walks onto the stage. “Well well well, we meet again, Joe,” he says to Biden, who is standing at the podium next to him. “Huh? We’ve met before? I don’t remember you,” Biden says. “We sniffed our classmates' hair back in elementary school. Then you started sniffing my own hair after I said our teacher wasn’t a 10 due to her lack of tits,” Trump reminds him. “OHHHHHHH, Donald!” Biden chuckles, clearly reminiscing over old times. “It’s been too long, man.” They shake each other's hands. “Say, after this dick enlargement is over, why don’t we go fuck up the chances of those damn fool Bernie Bros, ay?” “I’d like that, Joe. But anyway, now it’s time to pull out our poker faces.”
After the exchange, the lights turn on in the stadium, revealing Ronnie Snickersnee and Bubble Ass at a table in front of the stage. Snickersnee then grabs the mic (which Bubble Ass was using the stick up his you know what), and shoots him a dirty look. “Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the July 2020 debates for the 2020 US Presidential Election. We have a lot of deliberating topics to go through today, so let’s just introduce you all to our two lovely-” (breaks the speech to whisper “not really” under the mic) “-presidential candidates! We have Republican nominee and current incumbent Donald J. Trump going up against Democratic nominee and former Vice President Joseph R. Biden Jr. Now let’s get this over with so I can go home and jerk off to Bernie speeches.” “Hm, a man of culture, I see!” SpongeCock says from the stands. 
The camera cuts to Sheldon Bastard, Shattered Penis, and Polfgecks652 in the stands opposite SpongeCock and company. “You know, I heard Trump utter out several inexcusable instances of profanity. You know what that means?” Polfgecks says. “Uh… free happy endings?” Shattered asks, as Polfgecks nearly faints before Bastard holds him up, keeping him from falling. “No, stop. Cease that blasphemy. The inappropriateness you bring to the table has crossed the line,” he says. “It is time to arrest Trump. I DEMAND YOU TO RESTORE ORDER!” “Alright, Lisa Simpson,” Bastard says, as he hops onto the debate stage in the middle of a Trump answer. “Well, you know Ronnie, I just grab them by the pussy,” he says, fixing his tie. “Uh, President Trump, the question was about your opponent’s healthcare plan. It leaves 10 million uninsured,” Snickersnee replies “OH! Well in that case my answer stands,” Trump doubles down. At that moment, Bastard seizes control of the field. “EXCUSE ME.,” he yells, “Mr. Trump! I am astonished by your violation of the 28th amendment. Don’t you know that profanity is against the constitution of your own country?” “Hey now,” Biden intervenes. “He is protected by the first amendment, you know.” “Well, Biden, you know that us neoliberals take pride in hypocrisy. You shall be pardoned.” He looks back at Trump with a grimacing look. “As for you, Big Orange, you will be coming with us.” Two cops come and place Trump in handcuffs, bringing him away as the Trump section of the stadium erupts in flames. “You can’t arrest me! I’ll just pardon myself,” Trump warns, before the officers put a piece of duct tape over his mouth. Polfgecks points this out saying “Yup, that’s where it all went to.”
“YAY!,” SpongeCock exclaims. “That racist piece of shit is going to jail! I hope he drops the soap… actually nevermind I don’t, he’ll like that a lot.” Kraps is then shown on the camera beginning to bawl. “NOOO!!! HOW COULD THEY?!,” he shouts as he begins to punch his seat in anger. “Pfft, crybaby,” Fatprick remarks. “Yeah,” SpongeCock agrees. “This can’t be that bad. He’s arrested! Unless, you know, this means we have something bad in ret-“ At that moment, Bastard jumps on stage and hijacks the mic, leaving Biden, Snickersnee, and Bubble Ass shocked. “Attention, damn fools and blasted buffoons! It is I, your ruler!,” Sheldon says while stroking his antenna (it’s not as bad as you think). “From this day forth, there shall be a new rule that you all need to follow. It might change a lot of things here, but we don’t give a shit,” Sheldon says. “No fuc- I mean, no freaking exceptions. Shattered then comes on stage to whisper in Bastard’s ear. “Um, just end the debates already.” “Oh, right,” Bastard chuckles. “Today’s general election is adjourned.”
The crowd started to boo, mostly the Trump supporters. “Hey, come on now! We’re really going to arrest the only smart one on stage?,” Kraps complains. “Handing the debate win to Biden is BULLSHIT!” “MR. KRAPS!” SpongeCock yells, causing some cops to come over and place Kraps in handcuffs. “Huh, arresting me because I’m a capitalist, ay?” The cops facepalm before handcuffing him tighter. “That sounds like a great reason to arrest you! But did you not hear the announcement Leader Bastard just made?,” the officer says as he yanks him out of the stadium into Bikini Bottom. “GUYS! HELP!,” he yells, continuing to resist getting pulled until he gets tased. “Alright alright,” SpongeCock says. “We need to stick together. Our free speech may be limited,” he says as they exit the stadium, “but we sure can do something about this.” Fatprick continues to chow down on his plate of ice cream cake he snuck into the debates. “Fat- uh…. I guess I have to call you Fatrick. Fatrick, were you paying attention?” “Nah, I was guzzling down my sweet medley,” he explains, running out. “But now I need to take a shit meaner than Sheldon Bastard himself! Wait…” he says, realizing what he said, as two cops come over and shove him into the car. “Jesus, you’re fat as holy hell,” an officer says. “What have you been eating?” “Ice cream cake, why?” “AH, so we got a glutton on our hands! Diabolical. You’ll be coming with me,” he says,
bringing Fatprick away. 
“Fascism is everywhere, you don’t know what you got into!” SpongeCock and Shitward both say at the same time. “This isn’t time for the theme song,” Shitward says. “How the hell am I going to be able to record the song lyrics I wrote? That crap is hella tight!” At that moment, Bastard and Polfgecks come over to the duo. “Well, well, well, if it isn’t the guy who made me pull the trigger,” Bastard says, eyeing SpongeCock. “Well hello there, Wankton,” SpongeCock replies. “You liked my tweet, didn’t you?” “Well, you certainly have quite the colorful vocabulary,” Bastard replies. “We were not fans of your work.” “Why don’t you stop using your tongue in an impulsive manner?” Polfgecks asks SpongeCock, nearly towering over him. “Well I must say, you make up for your partner’s height,” he tells Polfgecks before turning back to Bastard. “Come on mate, you’re ridding us of our free speech. It’s what makes this town so great - we can say whatever we want and the censors can’t stop us! Not even Ponyo Fan can cancel us. Your fascism is quite dangerous,” he preaches before Bastard starts laughing. “Exactly. It’s what makes my penis so stiff.” “Oh, so sexual degeneracy isn’t against the new rule? I see how it is,” SpongeCock says. “I just don’t see why you want to see us suffer. You were on our side! We trusted you to take control back!”
Shattered comes over, getting mad. “Oh, so you lied about why you wanted power, ay Sheldon boy?” he asks, folding his arms. Bastard starts sweating and his eyes turn red. “Uh, don’t listen to him, Shattered,” he says, chuckling. “I didn’t want an anarchy. I wanted an authoritarian dictatorship! Heh, with the US’ help, of course.” “Ah, fair enough,” Shattered says. SpongeCock then has a deadpan expression before shrugging it off. “Uh… anyway, Wankton - and yes I’m just saying this to bypass your fascist policies - can’t you see what I mean?” “Yeah!” Shitward chimes in. “He’s yellow and square, just how I like my bitches,” Shitward says, then gulping as he realizes what he just said. “Shit.” “YOU!” Polfgecks alerts, tying his tentacles with a rope. “Double offense. What a shame,” Bastard says, sending him off into the distance. SpongeCock then stands there perplexed by the fact that he’s the only one left. “Wait so you guys DIDN’T LISTEN TO ME?! Why not?” “Because we don’t care!” Bastard exclaims. “The only thing we care about is getting you the FUCK OUTTA HERE!!” He then gets a poker face as his lips start to shrivel. “Uh oh.” Polfgecks then starts to blow a gasket as he’s shocked by what he just heard, as he starts to faint again before Shattered holds in up. “EXCUSE ME. I’M ABOUT TO BLOW UP LIKE BENSON,” he yells, as he furiously starts to shake Bastard up and down before launching him into the air.
Bastard is then seen skyrocketing before crashing into the same prison where Kraps, Fatprick, Shitward, and Trump are being held at. Before cutting to the prison, we see the conversation wrap up between SpongeCock and Polfgecks. “So, uh… I guess I’m gonna eat these gummy bears I just got,” SpongeCock says while chewing on them. Polfgecks slaps him as he starts to heat up again. “The consumption of sweets is immoral. I always eat fruits and vegetables,” Polfgecks says. He then sniffs at the gummy bears. “Are… are those edibles?” “Yessir,” SpongeCock exclaims. “Want some?” “HELL NO! Don’t you know that weed is the lettuce of the devil?,” Polfgecks questions. “You’re almost as bad as one of those filthy language abusing rapscallions.” “Oops, big mistake,” SpongeCock whispers. 
We then cut back to the prison where Bastard is looking around. “Huh? So all you guys got arrested for my new rule, ey?,” he asks the group. “Yeah, why did you make that?” Trump asks. “Now I can’t express my feelings for my freakishly hot daughter.” “Donny, man, I love you and all,” Kraps says while resting his hand on his shoulder, “but you really need to give up your lust for Ivanka.” “Yeah, you’re right.” “Okay…” Bastard says, grossed out. “You know, I made it so I could speak without interruption from you fools, and also so I could further Biden in the debates,” Bastard explains. “I didn’t realize Polfgecks would also enforce the rules on me too. I mean, wasn’t that the reason why we made the rule in the first place?” “AHA!” Trump says while snapping his fingers. “I knew Nancy was trying to stunt my free speech in favor of the neolib,” he says while stroking his hair. “Nancy? You mean Sheldon,” Shitward corrects him. “Eh, tomato tomahto.” “So, what do we do now?,” Fatprick asks, while chewing on his hands, thinking that it’s ice cream cake. “Well, we could fight back, right? The guard is over there. We could try to stand up to him!” Shitward says. “Bingo!” Bastard agrees. The camera then pans on the guard who is on the phone in the prison.
“Look, Karen. All I’m saying is that if you’re in high school and spend your time writing fanfics for childrens’ cartoons that have gone way past their prime, you’re pretty lame,” the guard says while on the phone, presumably with his daughter. At that moment, all 5 get up to stand up for themselves. “Hey, pencil dick!” Fatprick yells. “How about you go eat my asshole clean, and also shove a couple fingers up there, while you’re at it? And get me my piece of shit ice cream cake too, I’m starving like a bitch.” The guard then hangs up and pulls out a taser, walking over to him. “Are you done?” He asks. “Uh… yeah?” After he speaks, the guard immediately tases him, causing him to fall onto Shitward and Kraps. “Oops.. gonna need a lot of ice cream cake to recover from this.” The guard stares down at the three of them before looking towards Trump and Bastard. “Hey, aren’t you two the leaders of Bikini Bottom?,” he asks. “Yeah, why’d you ask?” Bastard replies. “Oh, nothing. It’s just that I’m big fans of you two and would like to set you guys free.” “Is that really how it works?” Bastard questions. “Eh who gives a damn, I’ll just pardon both of us,” he says, while lighting a blunt of weed. “We’ll be leaving now,” he says, as the two walk out.
 BACK WITH THE OTHER TWO LOSERS
SpongeCock had been eating his gummies for a few minutes now, as he laid on a bench and Polfgecks watched in disgust. “Oh DAMN! These are THE best,” he says, while continuing to get the euphoria. “Want some?” he offers. “For god’s sake NO!,” Polfgecks declines. “I am a sober man. Besides, shouldn’t you be home by now? The debates ended two hours ago!” “Hey, who gives you the right to tell me what to do?” “Uh, Sheldon D. Withheld,” Polfgecks repliesSpongeCock gets up and angrily squares up with Polfgecks. “First you tell me I can’t swear, then you tell me I can’t get high, and now you’re telling me” (throws up mid-sentence) “that I have to go home?” Polfgecks steps back, clearly concerned over SpongeCock. “Well guess what? You can go fuck yourself!” He says, while shoving up both middle fingers. At this moment, Polfgecks, knowing SpongeCock was violating every amendment of the US-Bikini Bottom constitution, started to run rampant around the bench. “YOU!” He shouted while pointing at SoongeCock. “YOU ARE GOING TO PAY FOR THAT BLASPHEMOUS LANGUAGE!” Polfgecks then lunges towards SpongeCock, before SpongeCock jumps out of the way to avoid the attack. He then starts running in a zig-zag line, trying to avoid Polfgecks while still trying to manage how high he is. “You’re insane! Thinking profanity and pot are immoral is not normal,” SpongeCock shouts back, while running away. As Polfgecks chases him, he doubles down with “It’s PERFECTLY normal! You’re the abnormal one.”
The Benny Hill theme starts playing as we see a short montage of SpongeCock running across the land with Polfgecks following. This montage ends when SpongeCock stops running while out of breath, breaking down to the ground. He looks back to see Polfgecks gaining on him, before shouting. “AHHH!!! Welp, this is the end of the road for me… for a while.” Before he starts to cry, he looks to the side, where he sees a strawberry lying in plain sight. “Hm…” SpongeCock thinks, while Polfgecks is inching closer to him. “Lightbulb! I’m such a genius,” he says, while grabbing the strawberry and facing Polfgecks. “Oh Mr. Gecks! Look what I found,” he says, while squeezing on the strawberry. Polfgecks’ jaw then drops to the floor and he starts sweating at the sight of the strawberry. “Here you go, damn fool!” SpongeCock throws the strawberry, which Polfgecks catches easily. He then slaps the strawberry repeatedly, beginning to extend an antenna from his crotch. “Oh baby…” he says, starting to sweat harder, as he jams his antenna into the strawberry, thrusting up and down, as SpongeCock watches in shock, presumably scarred for life. “Oh GOD yeah,” Polfgecks starts to moan. “Fuck yeah!” SpongeCock hears the degeneracy and realizes what he is hearing. “MR. GECKS! I would not expect such obscene language from a refined gentleman like yourself,” he scolds him. “No! Please! That strawberry had me acting up,” Polfgecks pleads. 
Right during this exchange, Bastard and Trump are seen outside the prison, watching Polfgecks and SpongeCock. “Holy whackazoly,” Trump exclaims, “I have to bust out the lotion for this,” he says while pulling out a bottle of lotion. “POLFGECKS!” Bastard yells, going over to investigate the situation. “What’s going on here?” “Mr. Gecks swore, Leader Bastard! He said a nono word! Unbelievable behavior by your subject,” he rats him off. “Usually I don’t snitch but I had to pull out my inner 6ix9ine for this one.” Bastard then shakes his head. “Huh. Don’t ya look at that. We’re all hypocrites. We can’t live with these censors, we just can’t. They’re ultimately pointless. I mean, I’m jacking off to Biden speeches, Polfgecks is banging a strawberry, SpongeCock is smoking greenheads, Fatprick is still murdering ice cream cakes and nuking Hiroshima, Shitward is still making mumble rap, and Kraps is rubbing it out to Trump speeches. None of us can win!,” he relays. “Hm… maybe you’re right,” Trump says. “So does this mean I can continue to berate women with flat chests?” “Well, no, you misogynist,” Polfgecks replies. “We must repeal the law before Biden falls victim to it. By the way, SpongeCock, you got more strawberries?” SpongeCock slaps him as Bastard and Polfgecks walk off screen.
Sheldon starts to shoot a dirty look at Polfgecks. “I built you to be my servant, and you stabbed me in the back!” Sheldon says in disapproval. “Before I cancel you, what do you have to say for yourself?” “You know, usually I would double down and make up some lies about Bernie being Trump 2.0, but I must say,” Polfgecks starts, “it’s time to remain focused. Let’s end this the same way it was started.” After this, Polfgecks opens the Titter app on his phone and starts to type. Today is one of those days when trolls make a big deal about people swearing (profanity). Trolls really need to shut the fuck up. “Yeah, that’s good. If anyone asks I’ll just say I was hacked,” Polfgecks says as he hits send. Sheldon then hugs him in a sign of forgiveness. After remaining silent, the both of them open their eyes in shock. “Uh… where did they all go?” Sheldon asks.
 BACK AT THE STADIUM
Trump is shown to be back on the debate stage with Biden, as SpongeCock, Fatprick, Kraps, and Shitward, as well as everyone else is back in the stands. “So, what is your stance on the creation of erotic PenisMan fan fiction?” Bubble Ass asks. “Oh boy, those are the HOTTEST!” Both Trump and Biden exclaim at the same time. “Hey, wait a minute! You’re not supposed to agree with each other,” Shattered Penis yells from the Biden section. “They can agree on whatever they want,” Kraps says. “As long as you think Paul Renaud should be arrested!” “Well… uh…” Trump says while sweating. “Let’s talk about Kanye West instead,” Trump changes the topic while all of the crowd starts attacking each other. “Welp, look at what he did, Joe.” “Yeah,” Trump says, “we’re doing our job exactly.” “Indeed we are,” Biden chuckles, as they shake their hands, ending the episode.
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