The Oracle

==Yard Sale==
::
:: You know what I like the most about yard sales? It's how you get to learn a lot about people from the stuff they own. Take this, for example. Who would have thought Banana Bob was a rock star?
::
:: What do you think he does with this ski mask?
:​​​​: That's called a bananaclava. I wear it to specifically tan my lips and eyelids. You should totally buy it. People love this thing, especially the guys at the bank. They always put their hands in the air and start waving, and throwing money at me.
:: What's this for?
:​​​​: That's a toilet swing. You see, when you're a banana, you have trouble sitting on the toilet without dipping in, so what you do is— 
:: No! Stop, stop! That was way too descriptive. Now we don't know whether to scream or throw up.
:: Hey, guys, do you have any money?
:: How 'bout both?
::
: and : Aaah! Bleh! Aaah! Bleh! Aaah! Bleh!
:: Well, that mask is still the best thing here. How much does he want for it?
:: Half a penny.
:: Okay. Here's a penny.
:: I'm sorry, but the price is fixed. Half a penny.
:: Dude, half pennies don't exist. That's like half a sentence. It doesn't make any —
:: That sentence made no sense.
:: Exactly.
:: Okay, okay, okay! You drive a hard bargain. You can have it for half a half a penny.
:: What the— Dude! Uh, what if I buy this painting with it? How much then?
:: Half a dollar.
::
:: All right. Whatever.
:: You could have just given me fifty cents.
::
:: Why, you little—
:: Gumball, look!
:: What?
:: Look at that.
::
:: What.
:: The.
::
:: What?
:: Eh, close enough. Dude, who painted this?
:: My mom.
::
:: Okay. When did she paint this?
:: I don't know. All this stuff's been in the garage for years.
:: How is that possible?
:: That's amazing.
:: And you know what's more amazing? I'll let you have the whole kit and caboodle for half a seven dollar bill.
:: Wait a minute. 
:: 
:: We're in this painting, too!
:: Ew! Is that what my head looks like from behind?! It's like a—
:: Yeah, a pair of butt cheeks after liposuction.
::
:: This is weird. Look at the date. She painted this years before it happened.
::
:: How could she know about that?!
:: Well, you've got a bit of a reputation, my friend.
:: What?
:: You know. You're the kind of guy who likes to take his boat out, all his sails on fire, a burger in each hand, a cape on his back, ready for Valhalla.
:: What's that supposed to mean?
:: I don't know. I went too far with the metaphor and lost the plot myself.
:: Well, at least I've got the decency to keep my clothes on. 
::
:: Wait. That never happened.
:: But everything else she painted has. Look! October twenty-fourth.
:: That's impossible! That's today!
::
:: Ooh, wee, ooh. Hey, Bob, How much for the binoculars?!
:​​​​: Five dollars.
:: You've got a deal! 
:: 
:: Uh... Just a second.
:​​​​: Let me give you a hand there.
::
:: I'll just pay by card. Bob!
::
:: Who's responsible for this?!
::
==At the Wattersons' House==
:: I always thought I was gonna have fifteen minutes of fame, not fifteen years of shame.
:: Gumball, just because Banana Barbara can paint the future doesn't mean you can't change it. You're the master of your own destiny.
:: Ooh! I'm the master of my own destiny! The future is not written! There is no fate, only the choices we make! Actually, that's really smart. I don't know why I'm belittling your advice. That's exactly what I should do. I have decided to act and take control of my own future! By sitting here and doing nothing.
::
:: Right. And here we go.
:: Because if you don't go to the mall, you can't be naked at the mall!
:: There it is. Well done. Okay. I'm gonna stay here and not move a muscle.
:: Good move, Gumball. Sometimes it's better to miss an opportunity rather than invite disaster.
:: Hmm. Oh, yeah, because if he— 
::
::
:: I thought you weren't gonna move a muscle.
:: I'm twelve! I've got too much energy! If I sit still for ten seconds, this is what happens! I need to be restrained! Dude, knock me out!
:: What?! I'm not hitting you!
:: Please! Do it for me!
:: So, it would be like an act of love?
:: Yes!
:: Okay. Here it comes. 
::
:: Come on, man. What are you, vegan? Just bring it. 
:: 
:: That was exactly hard enough to hurt as much as possible without knocking me out. You couldn't have done it worse. Just try again. Remember, it's all in the hips. Twist and strike. Twist— 
:: 
:: Ow! Why am I not unconscious yet?!
:: You need your brain to touch your skull in order to pass out.
:: Are you saying I've got a small brain?
:: Yes, but I'm also saying you have a massive, clinically oversized, monumental head.
:: Is it really that big? 'Cause all I can see in the mirror is this. Anyway, none of this matters as long as I don't end up at that stupid mall.
:: Oh, my gosh! The mall! We need to buy you new clothes, Gumball. Thanks for reminding me.
:: What?! No! Why do I need new clothes?!
:: Well, you've been wearing that sweater constantly for the past three years.
:: I can't take it off! It doesn't go over my head!
:: Come on, guys. Get in the car. It's nice and early. The mall will be quiet.
:: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
::
:: OKAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
::
:: What are you doing?!
:: No car, no mall, my friend.
::
:: Whoo-hoo-hoo! It's never been this powerful before! It's like the engine's been souped up! Let's see if she's any faster!
::
==Expressway==
:: I've got a bad feeling about this.
:: Don't be silly. Just relax. 
::
:: Are you worried about your future?
::
:: Cause today you will reveal yourself.
::
:: In front of the biggest televised audience ever!
:: Turn it off! Turn it off!
:: Oh, come on. Not everything's about you.
:: Maybe that sign is a sign that it is.
::
:: THAT'S IT I'M OUT OF HERE!!!!!!! 
:: 
:: WE'RE HERE ALREADY!!!!!! 
:: Why don't you ask Mom to take you to another store?
:: YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES!!!!!!!!
::
:: Mom, I was thinkin' about the planet and how we should stop buyin' things from the mall because they, like, pollute, and profit, and uh bad. Why don't we go to the thrift shop? Sure, the t-shirt smell of ten other people, but maybe Mother Earth will suffer a little less.
:: Ugh! All right! Can you please stop pretending and tell me why you don't want to go to the mall?
:: Because Banana Barbara can paint the future, and I'm gonna end up naked on national TV!
:: Apparently, you're not meant to crush your kid's imagination, so I'm just gonna let that slide. Let's go home. 
:: 
:: Now, that's a serious manufacturing defect. Well, there's a car dealer in the mall. Let's go in.
:: We can stay in the car while you go in!
:: NO!! YOU SHOULD NEVER LEAVE KIDS IN CARS!
:: We'll be fine!
:: I'm not worried about you. I'm worried about other parents judging me.
==An Inevitable Fate at Elmore Mall==
::
:: Gumball, what are you doing?
:: Just tying my shoelaces!
:: Wait. You don't wear shoes.
::
:: Right, whatever. 
::
:: Hello, police? You need to close the mall.
:: Really? Why?
:: Something terrible is going to happen there.
:: This is a hoax call, isn't it?
:: How do you know?
::
:: 'Cause I'm right next to you, kid, and for the record, you actually need to dial before you get through.
:: 
:: Hey, wait! Come back here, you hoaxer!
:: What have you done? Why are the police already after you?
:: Well, it doesn't matter! We just need a diversion! There's a prize for the millionth customer at the mall!
:: What are you doi—
::
:: Crowds are flocking to the Elmore Mall today as the millionth customer is to win some kind of promotional prize for pushing a shopping cart. You are watching Channel Six News, where we make a lot of news about nothing. Lunch, anyone?
::
:: Ugh! This couldn't have gone any worse! But it's okay! I've got a plan! I'm gonna—
:: NO, ENOUGH NOW!!!!! Every single action you've taken so far has led to this. JUST DO!! NOTHING!!!!!! We'll help.
:: How?
:: With this strike! 
:: OWW!!!!!!!!
:: Sorry. I thought it was worth another shot.
:: Look, I'm just gonna—
:: NO!!!!!!!!
:: 
:: YOU'RE GOING NOWHERE UNTIL MOM COMES BACK!!!!!!
::
:: IT'S COMING!!!!!! I KNOW SOMETHING'S COMING!!!!!!! CAN YOU HEAR THE SCARY MUSIC??!!!???!?? IT'S SCARY!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
::
:: Gumball, chill out! It's not music. It's just the Dad Bench.
::
:: They're moaning 'cause they've been dragged to the mall.
:: YEAH, BUT, STILL, THEY'RE ALL IN THE PAINTING!!!!!!!!!!!! I'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
::
:: Mother, my balloon!
::
:: Oh, good job. You broke the A.C. Now the air's made of a million people's breath. Oh, man. It's really hot.
:: Yeah. I'm burning up.
:: I'm fine.
:: That's because you don't wear clothes.
:: Then take your sweater off.
:: Good idea.
:: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!!!??! NO!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU'RE KEEPING YOUR CLOTHES ON!!!!!!!!
::
:: Ah! This will cool you down. 
:: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT WAS COFFEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S BURNING!!!!!!!!!! IT SOAKED INTO MY PANTS!!!!!!!!!! GET 'EM OFF ME!!!!!!!!!! GET 'EM OFF!!!!!!!!!!!
:: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!!!??! KEEP YOUR CLOTHES ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:: WELL, IF I CAN'T DO ANYTHING, YOU DO SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:: Hold on!!
::
:: YOU'RE BLOWING HOT AIR, IT'S MAKING IT WORSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:: THEN WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!?!??!
:: I DON'T KNOW!!!! INHALE?!?!?!?!
::
:: Ahh. That's better. Keep going.
::
:: I don't know what you're doing, but you should be ashamed of it.
::
:: Listen, there is no— 
:: 
:: There is no prize for the millionth customer!
:: But the blue kid— The blue kid out front said there was.
:: Which kid?
:: That one next to the weird orange talking blob.
:: I beg your pardon!
:: No, not you, punchbag. The kid with the fish inhaling his butt.
::
:: DARWIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
::
:: A-ANAIS!!!!!!!!! THE MOBILITY SCOOTER!!!!!!!!!
:: GUMBALL, DON'T MOVE!!!!!!!!!
:: AAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S GOT MY PANTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:: FIGHT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
::
:: ALRIGHT, DESTINY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IF I HAVE TO BE HUMILIATED ON NATIONAL TV, IT'S GOING TO BE ON MY TERMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
::
:: What the...?
:: Yeah, I took extra precautions.
:: But there's no need! The painting hasn't come true yet! There's no angry mob, no police, no camera crew!
:: THAT KID PLAYED US FOR FOOLS!!!!!!!!
:: LET'S GIM HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
::
:: THE HOAX CALLER!!!!
::
:: Hey! It looks like a fight started!
:: That's actually news, Ken! Film it!
::
:: Well, at least it's not raining raccoons.
::
:: I'm kind of running out of arguments here.
::
==Back at Home==
: : So, there might not have been a millionth customer winner, but there was a big loser.
::
:: How could I let this happen?
:: You didn't, Gumball. You made it happen.
:: But how could Banana Barbara have known?
:: The real question is, would any of this have happened if we hadn't seen the painting?
:: 
:: Wee, ooh.
:: Yeah. Richard, stop that now, please.
::
Category:The Amazing World of Gumball Transcripts