A Confession's Continuation

NOTE: The large, first part of this real story was deleted. It was deleted because it can't be changed. I can apologize so many times over, but all of the past will stay real. It pains me too much to keep that part up, so it has been deleted. This is largely its continuation, and more of a reflection. 
I was always so afraid to approach her...in anticipation of more of a drama mess that I wouldn't be able to take a second time. Ever since, she has avoided me in every way possible. I hurt her so much, failed her, and worst of all, failed myself. Since, I've focused on becoming a better person, but I still think about her way more often than I should. It hurts me that it feels like she's moved on and I'm still stuck on her. 
I left my toxic friend group during that year, around the time when I tried approaching her, realizing that I was becoming a worse person by hanging around them. A lot of the time, I felt so angry. At myself. At other people. At the friend group in which I was a really big running joke. At the couple people I was mean to and bullied. At how I looked at people. At my own social seclusion and isolation where I would almost never hang out with anyone outside of school. At the high school drama circus that was created around my name and her name. That it somehow ended up this way. That there were so many other fucking ways it could have gone, and it had to be this way. That I would fucking flinch in the hallway almost every time I saw her. That I tried to avoid her because I felt I never deserved to be around her. That I was (and am) scared shitless of her. High school shit stays in my fucking head.. If I had the opportunity to go back to the start of my junior year, with my fucking memory wiped and no guarantee of my future: my graduation, my college acceptance, the great friends I made in college living with...I would take it all away and I would go back. I would go back so it would have never ended up this way. I'm pissed off. I'm fucking pissed off because it never had to be this way.
I was way better my senior year. Though I was still largely isolated socially and still thought of her I was way better.
She lives in my head rent free. I can't stop thinking about her for some reason. After years of this bullshit in my head. I can't get over her. We never talked, we never dated, and I still can't fucking get over her. Still, never having one face-to-face conversation with her. It's an obsession. I've developed and daydreamed so many fantasies about her with me inside my head. I've dreamed about her so many times. She's just special to me. I can't get her out of my head.