Survival of the Fittest/Transcript

Setting: SpongeBob's Backyard
SpongeBob: Last time on SpongeBob SquarePants: The Reality Show, our two teams battled it out against each other in a scavenger hunt. The Jellyfish failed miserably, and Squilliam was the first contestant to be eliminated. Which of his fellow contestants will it be this week? Find out tonight on SpongeBob SquarePants: The Reality Show!
[Opening Theme]
Pearl: [Wakes up] Huh? Where am I?
SpongeBob: Great question Pearl! [Speaking into megaphone]
[Everyone wakes up]
SpongeBob: You're in Kelp Forest! You'll be spending the next few days here, using only your natural surroundings for survival. The last team standing will be invincible from tonight's elimination ceremony.
Mrs. Puff: No! Stranded in the middle of nowhere with SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Oh, I'm not staying here. I have a life to get back to!
[Helicopter appears above SpongeBob, and drops a ladder]
Mr. Krabs: No! Take me with you!
SpongeBob: Good luck in today's competition! [Climbs up ladder]
Mr. Krabs: No! [Begins crying as he pulls a dollar bill out of his pocket] It's alright cashy. What I'm about to say is for your ears only. Do you understand?
Cashy: ---
Mr. Krabs: Good. As soon as everyone falls asleep we're going to make a run for it. We can't let the fat one tag along, he will just slow us down.
Patrick: Hey! I heard that!
Mr. Krabs: Ah! What are you doing there Patrick?
Patrick: Breathing.
Mr. Krabs: Would you look at the time. Got to go. [Runs away]
Patrick: I have a question.
Sandy: What?
Patrick: Oh, I forgot.
Sandy: Ok?
Patrick: Oh, now I remember!
Sandy: What is it?
Patrick: Uh... I forgot again.
French Narrator: Fourteen hours later...
Sandy: [Yawns] Patrick, why don't we get some shut eye?
Patrick: Come on Sandy, I remember this time!
Sandy: [Sighs] What?
Patrick: Haven't you noticed Mr. Krabs acting weird lately?
Sandy: Well, he has been talking to his money for the past few hours. Why don't we finish this conversation in the morning?
Patrick: Oh alright!
Mr. Krabs: Do you hear that cashy? There going to sleep. Let's make a run for it. [Runs deeper into Kelp Forest] Wow. It sure is dark out here.
[Sounds are heard coming from the bushes]
Mr. Krabs: Ah! What was that? At least I have cashy [Looks at Cashy]
Cashy: ---
Mr. Krabs: Who am I kidding your just a piece of paper for crying out loud! [Shreds Cashy in his hands] Get a hold of yourself Krabs! Your going insane... you just wasted a perfectly good dollar!
[Another sound is heard coming from the bushes]
Mr. Krabs: It's just the wind.
[A shadowy figure passes within the distance]
Mr. Krabs: That's not the wind. [Nervously] Ah!
Flying Dutchman: Be quiet! I'm trying to get some sleep here!
Mr. Krabs: Oh, it's just you. For a second there I thought it was a ghost.
Flying Dutchman: [Looks confused]
Mr. Krabs: Oh, right. Should I run? Are you going to eat me now?
Flying Dutchman: Of course not! That's just gross.
Mr. Krabs: Would you happen to know a way back to the campsite from here?
Flying Dutchman: What are you talking about? The campsite is just around the corner-
Mr. Krabs: [Looks relieved] That's a relief. For a second there I thought I was lost or something. [Laughs]
Flying Dutchman: You didn't let me finish. I was going to say, before rudely interrupted, is just around the corner from the Deep Dark Trench.
Mr. Krabs: I wonder how it got that name.
Setting: Deep Dark Trench
Mr. Krabs: Oh.
Flying Dutchman: Good luck. [Pushes Eugene off the trench]
Mr. Krabs: Ah!
Flying Dutchman: If you survive the fall make sure to say "Hi" to Lord Poltergeist for me!
French Narrator: Morning...
Setting: Kelp Forest
Plankton: [Wakes up] Ew. What's that foul smell? Is that... [Sniffs] sweat?
Larry the Lobster: [Jumping jacks] That's just me doing my morning jumping jacks. I've got to stay in top physical condition if I want to win.
Plankton: [Plugs nose] Could you stay in top physical condition somewhere else?
Larry the Lobster: [Jogs away, and accidently steps on Plankton]
Plankton: Ah! Watch where you're going klutz!
Larry the Lobster: Sorry about that!
Sandy: Did y'all get a good night's sleep?
Barnacle Boy: No thanks to pop's over there. He's been snoring all night!
Mermaid Man: [Snores loudly and wakes up from a nightmare] Evil! Huh? Did someone say something? Oh well. [Falls back asleep]
Man Ray: How that buffoon ever beat me, I will never know.
Karen: Really? It's in issue #34.
Barnacle Boy: You read our comic books?
Karen: No, but Plankton does.
Plankton: [Turns page of comic book] What? It's quality writing.
Squidward: Has anyone seen Mr. Krabs?
Patrick: See! I told you something was going on! First he spends the whole night talking to his money, then he mysteriously disappears. Spooky.
Setting: Deep Dark Trench
Mr. Krabs: [Wakes up] That was the worst nightmare I've ever had. [Realizes it wasn't a nightmare] Oh no, it wasn't a nightmare!
Cletus: Hey fella, you alright?
Mr. Krabs: No! Anything but Trenchbillies!
Cletus: What did he just call us?
Jordan Klein: [Shrugs shoulders]
Cletus: Where ya' headin' stranger?
Mr. Krabs: Kelp Forest.
Cletus: I know the place.
Mr. Krabs: Can you take me there?
Cletus: Depends. How much money are we talkin' bout?
Mr. Krabs: All I have is this five. [Pulls five dollar bill out of pocket]
Cletus: [Grabs five dollar bill] That'll do just fine.
Mr. Krabs: No! Not Cashy Jr!
Cletus: Your on your own then.
Mr. Krabs: Wait! How about we make a deal?
Jordan Klein: What kind a' deal?
Mr. Krabs: If you show me the way back I'll-
Jordan Klein: Go on a date with our momma?
Mr. Krabs: [Sighs] Fine.
Jordan Klein: Ya' hear that momma? We got's you a date!
Ma Angler: Well, what are you waitin' for? Cook us up some grub!
Cletus: Sure thing, ma! [Exits the area]
Ma Angler: We need to get ya' inside before the buzzards start circlin'.
Setting: Ma Anglers House
Mr. Krabs: What's on the menu tonight?
Ma Angler: My favorite... grub worms!
Mr. Krabs: [Gulps]
Ma Angler: Cletus! Hurry out here with food!
Cletus: Comin' ma! [Places tray of grub worms onto the table]
Ma Angler: [Licks her lips] Dig in! [Begins grabbing grub worms with her hands and stuffing it into her mouth]
Mr. Krabs: You know what? I'm suddenly not hungry. [Nervously backs away from the table]
Jordan Klein: What bout' our deal?
Mr. Krabs: Deals off! I'm better off on my own anyway! [Exits building and begins crying] I can't go on like this! I give up!
[Helicopter appears from above]
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! Am I glad to see you!
SpongeBob: Hurry up! We don't have all day!
Mr. Krabs: [Climbs onto helicopter]
[Helicopter flies away]
Setting: Kelp Forest
[Helicopter flies above the area]
SpongeBob: May I have your attention! The Jellyfish have given up. Everyone please climb up the ladder that we will drop momentarily, so that you can fly home safely. [Speaking into megaphone]
[Everyone gets in the helicopter]
SpongeBob: This many people haven't been in the helicopter at one time before. I sure hope we're not too heavy.
Setting: SpongeBob's Backyard
[Helicopter crashes]
SpongeBob: Thank you for joining me here today for our weekly elimination ceremony!
Squidward: Yeah, yeah! Get on with it already! We didn't just crash land a helicopter for nothing!
SpongeBob: [Clears throat] The results are in, and the second contestant to be eliminated from SpongeBob SquarePants: The Reality Show is... Mr. Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: What about my one million dollars?! I was supposed to win!
SpongeBob: Fred, would you kindly show Eugene the exit.
Fred: Follow me sir. [Walks towards the exit]
Mr. Krabs: [Follows Fred] This isn't over!
SpongeBob: Does anyone have anything to say before we go home?
Pearl: Well, I was kind of happy that daddy got elimintaed, because he "lent" me his credit card, and I haven't given it back yet. [Giggles]
SpongeBob: That's all we have for tonight! Tune in next week for an all new episode of SpongeBob SquarePants: The Reality Show! Who will be eliminated next? Will the Jellyfish continue there losing streak? All these questions and much more will be answered next week on SpongeBob SquarePants: The Reality Show!
The End
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