The Simpsons Intro Bloopers Season 1 Complete Full Length Version by Pepsi9072 Enterprises Inc.

King of the Hill. Not King of the Hill, The Simpsons. The The Hill should be Simpsons and there should be The in place of King of. Change the caption now! Green Bay. Do they mean the Super Bowl XLV champion, Green Bay? Don't remind me, Mary. I wanted Pittsburgh to win. Not Green Bay, The Simpsons. Change it! Well, what are you waiting for? Okay, okay. Don't rush me. General Dimension? General Dimension? That caption should watch its language. You idiot! You changed the wrong word! Now get it right immediately! Now it's G-Q. I never read G-Q. Hey Mr. Caption, can you make the next zoom read I-Q? As good as done, Mary. Of course, we all know Sam's I-Q is P-U. *** *** ***! That's enough! Caption, you're not going to display G-Q or I-Q or even P-D-Q. You are under contract to display The Simpsons and only The Simpsons. I'm giving you one last chance. That does it! Caption, you're fired! Fired!? Fired!? I have only this to say to you: 4-Q! I'm going to visit Tom and Jerry at M-G-M. If he's fired, I quit. 4-Q, Sam. *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***! No, no, no! The Simpsons caption is supposed to stop when the music starts, not fly away. Let's try it again. Uh-oh! Runaway caption! He's probably in the Witness Protection Program. He didn't want to be detected by crooks. He's a *** show-off. Now let's try the intro again. All right caption, what are you trying to do to us? I just wanted to spice things up. You should know when to stop. Now let's try the intro again. Stop the music! This is not a 3-D picture! Now let's try it one more time. Jeez Louise! Who flipped the frame? Sorry. I hit a bump in the road. Well, that explains it. Let's break for lunch. B-backwards N-D? What the hell kind of weird-*** name is that? Looks like a Buddha. If this Buddha can bend it, who needs Beckham? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Lorimar. Where have I heard that name before? I used to date her, but she dumped me for a foreign logo. Gee! GE. They bring good things to life. What is this, a commercial? You can be sure... ...if it's Westinghouse. Get out of here, Westinghouse! This is not a commercial production. What are you talking about? This is a free country, isn't it? Out out out out out! O-U-T! Out! Sam, Sam, Sam. Why must you be so rude to our guests? Shut up, you ***! RCA. I used to own an RCA set. I was expecting RC Cola myself. Get out! No more commercial plugs in a cartoon! Period! DuMont. How do you DuMont? I DuMont very well. Now this is getting racy. I agree. What else could come up? The Viacom V of Doom? Oh noes! I shouldn't have said that! [POW!] [BLAM!] Jeez Louise! Did you see that? I don't believe it. The V of Doom just ran Microsoft Sam over like a steamroller. Sam? Sam? Are you all right? Speak to me, Sam. Did you get the license of that truck? Let's get Sam to a hospital. Water Closet? Ah yes, my little chickadee. That's wrong! It should be The Simpsons, not Water Closet. Water Closet makes me think of a restroom. Speak for yourself, Mike. I just used the restroom a couple of minutes ago. I can tell. I can smell it from a mile away. P-U. Now that's silly. Who ever heard of a W-W-W Simpsons caption? World War? Wild Whiskey? Weird Willie? Wolf Whistle. Do that to me, Sam, and I'll slap you! *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***! Now what in the heck is a B-B-B Simpsons caption? I've heard of a B-B-B gun, but not a B-B-B Simpsons caption. BBBBBBBBBBB! I hope they get it right this time. Tuberculosis? Tuberculosis? I don't want tuberculosis. Computer voices never catch tuberculosis. We don't even have lungs. Tuberculosis? Eewwwwww! They'd better get it right this time, or else! Oh no! Not BP! Anything but BP! I don't care if they cleaned up their image after that oil spill! I'm never getting gasoline from BP as long as I live! You hear me? Never! Now hear this! If you diss BP one more time, I'm going to beat you up! Screw you, BP! All right, you asked for it! [BLAM!!] Sam? Sam? Are you all right? Speak to me, Sam! He's out cold, Mary. We'll have to get him to the hospital. And look at the set. It's all in shambles. We'll have to put up an OUT OF ORDER sign before we get Sam to the doctor. Great idea, Mike. Now let's go. What the hell is this? There are no words with the cloud! I agree with you, Sam. Cloud, go back and get some words. ABC? I thought Disney owned ABC, not Gracie Films. ABC, DEF, GHI. I got a gal in Kalamazoo. Wrong words. Change it. This is not CBS, this is The Simpsons. Change it. [NBC Chimes] The following program is brought to you in Living Color on NBC. Oh, how cute. I love peacocks. I don't. I'm allergic to them. Ahhh... ahhh... Ahh-CHOOOO! Gesundheit. Ah, a new house. I've always wanted to live in a NET house. Keep it up, Sam, and you'll be living in a NUT house! As for you, NET House, go back and get me The Simpsons caption! NOW! Mike, why must you be such an ***? Sam, you sonofabitch, I am not a *** ***! You're a potty mouth, as well as a liar! Liar! Liar! Liar! Liar! Liar! The Simpsons on PBS? That'd be new. Anything would be better than that crap they show to kids these days. Go! Go go go go go go go! Take it easy, Mike. It's not my fault we keep getting all the wrong logos. It could be worse, like the Screen Gems S from Hell. No no no no no no no no no no no no noooooooooooooooooooo! Not that! Not the S from Hell! Let me outta here! Eeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-eaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... What's the matter with Sam? He's been terrified of scary logos. First the Viacom V of Doom, next the BP Shield, now the Screen Gems S from Hell. I think he needs professional help. I agree, Mary. Let's find him, then we'll seek out a psychiatrist. Hahahahahahahahahahah lol lol lol lol rofl rofl rofl rofl soi soi soi soi! What's so *** funny, Sam? The captions The Simpsons came in without the cloud. Hahhahahaahahahahahah! It just looks so exquisite that way. The Simpsons? The Simpsons Season 1 logo in The Simpsons cartoon? They must be really ahead of their time. The Simpsons Season 1, this is The Simpsons Season 12 and you don't come in until in Season 1. The Simpsons Season 2? Didn't they make shoes? I take a size 9. Season 12, not Season 2! Now it's The Simpsons Season 3 logo. Our friends can be The Simpsons if Sam wasn't such a grouch. That doesn't come in until in Season 3. Go back and bring up the proper logo. Lionsgate? That didn't even exist in that time. And this is supposed to be Gracie Films. Get out of here now! Sam, Sam, Sam, why are you such a grouch? Who asked you, ***? Stop calling me an ***, you sonofabitch! Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer has taken over Gracie Films. I guess Tom and Jerry will star in a cartoon soon. No more lions, my friend, and I'm giving you one more chance. The Paramount Blue Mountain in The Simpsons cartoon! Now Popeye the Sailor can costar with Homer Simpson. Sorry, but Popeye the Sailor died a couple of years ago. Bluto substituted cyanide for Popeye's spinach and beat the snot out of the one-eyed sailor. And they hanged Bluto for the *** of Popeye. There was not a dry eye in Sweethaven that day. Enough, all of you! And as for the idiot messing up the logos, you're fired! Now you've done it, Sam! Where are we going to find someone to man the shield? There are plenty of other fish in this ocean. They come a dime a dozen. While we're looking for a replacement, let's all go out for lunch. All right! What's going on here? Hey---you with the captions! Who, me? Yes, you. You got the caption wrong. It's either The Simpsons or The Tracey Ullman Show, not Tracey Simpsons. Go back and change it. Okay, boss. The Ullman Show? They should have stuck with Tracey Simpsons. I agree. Sounds like tunes for me--- Tracey Simpsons. Hee hee hee hee hee! That's R-O-N-G wrong. Start over. What's this? "Snospmis Eht?" What the hell are you trying to do to me? I was trying to do the whole thing with mirrors. What you have is a mirror image. Go back and do it right. Well, tscha! Nobody appreciates creativity any more. Hey Sam, they finally gave you top billing. I knew they'd give Sam his due sooner or later. Only something's not right. What do you mean? I gave you your proper billing, didn't I? Not the title card you're showing now, the one before it. What's wrong with it? The word below the cloud is wrong. It should say "The Simpsons," not "Resent." It's not a mistake. Gracie Films really does resent you! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Why you--- [BOOM!] Take it easy, Sam. He was just teasing you. Shut up, you ***! Hahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! 2 logos of The Simpsons in a cartoon! How silly! Oh, Brother! That's what I say! We need to talk. Yeah? Whatta you want to talk about, Sam? Not here. Meet me in my office in five minutes. Don't be too rough on him, Sam. He's only learning the ropes. I'm in charge and I'll do what I want. Besides, jobs like his come a dime a dozen. Cut! All right, what's going on here? Hey, you with the captions! Who, me? Yes, you. It's not supposed to be She Timptons; it's supposed to be The Simpsons. Change it! Well, it is an improvement, but next time, change the I and the O around and get it right, capeesh? As Steve Martin used to say, well excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me! Hey Mike, look at the caption! T-H-E S-O-M-P-S-O-N-S. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! That's not funny, you ***! One letter is supposed to have O and the other I. Change it, or else! Tscha! I can't stand being "or elsed." What are you anyway, a comedian or something? Get it right! Now! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! "The Gimpgons!" That's rich! Ha ha ha ha ha! Yeah Mary, that's so funny! Ha ha ha ha ha! That does it! Caption guy, yoooooooooooou're fired! Fired? Fired? Screw you, Microsoft Sam! I'll see you in court! Take over, Mike. See if you can get it right, unlike that dime-a-dozen bum. Sorry, forgot to put the words "The Simpsons" in the cloud. I'll try again. Dang! Now I forgot the music! I miss that dime-a-dozen bum already. Don't worry, Mike. All you need is a little more practice. Let's take a break. There, there, Sam. You're probably having one of those days. After the break, I'll see if we can get the old caption guy back before he sues us for wronngful termination. Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-otch! Cut! Where's the Sons? I see a Simp, but no Sons. All right, you ***! Where's the Simp? He had to take a leak. I don't give a flying word! Go back and get me the Simp! All right, all right! Sheesh! And shush the sheesh! Venereal Disease? What is this, a nursery? Venereal Disease? Eeewwww! Eeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwww! [Mary barfing] Not VD, you fool! The Simpsons! Change it! NOW!! Wet Dreams. We must be in the jungle. Tarzan must be hiding out someplace. Not WD! TS! TS-TS-TS-TS-TS! All right! Can I help it if you act childish? WT Magazine? I feel like I'm in a Turkish bath. I'm all for going to the steam room when this program is over. So am I, but Sam better keep his towels dry. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Shut up, you ***! And as for the cloud guy, one more slip-up, and I'll have you transferred to the Pink Panther Show! Sam, Sam, Sam. What makes you act like such a grouch? That's none of your business, you ***! I am not an ***, you sonofabitch! I'm not a sonofabitch, you ***! [BUZZER] And stop razzing me! That's what I say! Cloud guy, you're fired! Fired!? Fired!? I'll sue you for every cent you've got, Microsoft Sam! It will only be frivolous because I fired that dime-a-dozen bum with cause! There, there, Sam. Let me try the intro. Can't be any worse than that dime-a-dozen bum. I'm not a dime-a-dozen bum! Liar! Uh-oh! I had the picture upside down. I'll try to fix it. Later, Mary. Let's take a break. You need a vacation, Sam. Your nerves have been bothering you lately. *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***! I agree with you, Mike. He's having a bad day. Oy vey! Cut, cut, cut! The Simpsons music isn't supposed to come in until after The Simpsons caption zooms in. Sorry, Boss. I just got a little excited. You again!? I thought I fired you last episode. You did, but I filed a lawsuit against you and won, so here I am again. I see your point. Now, you better toe the line, or else! Remind me to fire my lawyers. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Sony in The Simpsons! I agree that it's funny, Mike. I guess we better pack our bags and move to Japan. We're not moving to Japan. Sony does not own Gracie Films. Get me the proper logo! Now! MGM is into The Simpsons now? I can just see Tom and Jerry meeting Sylvester and Tweety. What the hell is the MGM Lion doing in my Simpsons cartoon? Get out! Now! Now it's Paramount that's trying to take over The Simpsons. This sucks! I hate Paramount, you hear? I hate Paramount! I hate Paramount! I hate Paramount! Jeez Louise! I goofed again! Have mercy! Go! Go go go go go go go! And this time, stay outta my life forever! Oh yeah? Well, try this on for size, you ***! Look, it's the Three Stooges. Those knuckleheads make me laugh! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! What are you anyway, a Wisenheimer? I told you to get out of my life forever. I heard you fired your lawyers, so there's no way you can kick me out of here. I'll find a way to kick you out, all right. You just try. In the meantime, chew on this! Judas Priest! It's the Screen Gems S from Hell! I hate that infernal logo so much, I wanna barf all over it! What the hell? I'll do it now! [Sam barfing] Nice try, but you're still forever banned from working here under penalty of death. Okay, Sam. If you insist on barring me from my job, I'm using my secret weapon. Take that, you meany! Oh noes! It's that infernal Viacom V of Doom! Let me outta here! Eee-yiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyi! Not so fast there, Microsoft Sam! I was sent here to torment you. And if you don't re-hire me, Sam, the V of Doom will torment you forever! This is all your doing, you dime-a-dozen bum! I'll never re-hire you and this infernal V of Doom will never get away with--- Eee-yiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyi! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! You leave Microsoft Sam alone, you ***! Do not interfere with justice, you ***! That's enough, V of Doom! For tormenting Sam and insulting Mike, I'm letting you have it! Take that, you King Daddy of scary logos! [BOOM!!] Thanks, Mary. You saved my life. Speakonia Male 1, you're re-hired. I should have known better. Just don't threaten me with scary logos again. It's a deal, Sam. [NBC Chime] Oy vey! Now it's the NBC Snake. Next, they'll say "brought to you in Living Color." Brought to you in Living Color. Now cut that out! Judas Priest! Just back on the job, and already Sam's starting in on me again! Take it easy, Sam. He's been having a rough time lately, and so have you. I guess you're right, Mike. I think we could use nice relaxing vacation. Perhaps we can go to Japan. Just kidding! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Cut! All right, cloud guy, who are you trying to impress? I wanted to get a little creative. The caption is supposed to display The Simpsons, not Lucy Simpsons. You'll get kids to poop in their pants. Poop in their pants? P-U! Look, Mary, it's HBO. HBO? Great! Now we can watch movies uninterrupted, uncut and uncensored. I have one word for putting HBO where The Simpsons would normally be: uneducated. Take back the HBO logo and get me The Simpsons caption! Now! GP? That's backward. It should be PG, not GP. It used to be GP before it became PG. The GP meant General Public. Not GP, The Simpsons. Take it back and bring up the right words. X marks the spot. This picture must be rated X. No one under 17 admitted. Something is wrong. Yeah. That's why I sent the X out here. Something always goes wrong whenever Microsoft Sam shows up. You cheap sonofabitch, this is not a *** flick. Get rid of the X and bring up The Simpsons caption, or you'll be SOL. All right! Jeez Louise, you are such a grouch today! And my name is Microsoft Sam, not Jeez Louise. Calm down, Sam. You know he's trying as best he can. He's very trying, you ***! You call me an *** one more time, Sam, and I'll wipe your *** with a porcupine. Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... No no no no no no no no damn damn damn damn crap crap crap crap! Microsoft Mike, why don't you accept the fact that you are an *** and you can't change what you are because it's a fact you *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***! [BOOM!!] Are you all right, Sam? I'm okay, Mary. I just got so pissed off at Mike for objecting to my calling him an ***. Be a little more careful who you call an ***, you sonofabitch! McDonald's. I'm lovin' it. I'm hating it. This is not a commercial. Subway. Eat fresh. I wonder if Jared is in today. Five, five dollar, five dollar footlongs. What did I tell you about commercial plugs in a Simpsons cartoon? Sorry, Sam, I was hungry for a sub sandwich. Get that commerical plug outta here! Now!! And if you give me one more commercial plug, I'll give you a *** sandwich! A *** sandwich? Eeewwwwwww! Eeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwww! [Mary barfing] Spanning the globe to bring you all the highlights in the world of sports. The thrill of victory and the agony of defeat. You fool! This is not ABC's Wide World of Sports, this is The Simpsons. Get me the proper logo, or I'll give you the agony of defeat! Give me a break, Sam! I've been running back and forth so much, I'm already suffering the agony of de feet. De feet hurt. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! "Ha ha ha ha" yourself. Very droll joke. Oh well. Since we mentioned food earlier, let's all take a lunch break. Cut! All right, what's the big idea? Tscha! This is supposed to be a Tracey Ullman Show cartoon, isn't it? True, but the caption is supposed to display "The Simpsons," not "The Tracey Ullman Show." Go back and change it. All right, all right! Picky, picky, picky! The Hilton Show? How loud do you think they are? AS LOUD AS POSSIBLE!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!! Mary, you don't have to yell! Sheesh! And it's not Hilton, it's Tracey Ullman! Change it now! Shush the sheesh, Sam! *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***! IBM. They make strong movies, don't they? Not IBM... Tracey Ullman. The Kellogg's Show. One dose and you'll go The Simpsons. Tracey Ullman! Ullman! Ullman! Sorry, wrong number. Vitameatavegamin? Are we on "I Love Lucy" all of a sudden? Do you pop out at parties? Are you unpoopular? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! You ***! This is 1991, and "I Love Lucy" doesn't come on until 1951. Correct the caption now, or I'll Vitameatavegamin you to Walt Disney! Sam, Sam, Sam, why must you always turn The Simpsons intro into your own personal sweatshop? Quit making insubordinate comments, you ***! Tantrum coming on now. No no no no no no no no no no! Every time I try to calm Sam down, he acts like he's Genghis Khan! Well, I'm sick of this! Do you hear me? I'm sick of it! Sonofabitch sonofabitch sonofabitch sonofabitch sonofabitch sonofabitch sonofabitch sonofabitch! [BOOM!] If I hear any more outbursts like that, it's over! No! No! No! Lionsgate did not exist in 1991! Go back and get it right! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Sony does not own Gracie Films nor does it own Tracey Ullman! And that theme music doesn't come along until in Season 13! One more slip-up and it's the end! No no no no no no no no damn damn damn damn crap crap crap crap! How dare you pair rival studio logos together! This is the end! I'm not doing any more Looney Tunes! You're all fired! Do you hear me? F-I-R-E-D! Fired! Out! Out-out-out-out-out! And don't even bother coming here expecting your jobs back, 'cause that's never gonna happen! Never never never never never! Judas Priest! What a temper! Anybody know of a good lawyer? We oughta sue Sam. If he thinks he'll get away with dumping us like this, he's got another thing coming. We'll get revenge on Sam one of these days. ASSWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPE!!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! What's so funny, Mike? The Simpsons caption's acting like a yo-yo! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Yo-yos are fun. I wish I had one when I was a kid. Enough with the yo-yos. I'm getting dizzy. Embassy Television has invaded The Simpsons! Looks like we're in for an invasion of sitcoms. Sam would have a royal fit if he saw this logo in a Simpsons cartoon. Could you try to get The Simpsons caption back, please? Oops! Sorry, my bad. I'll see what I can do. Now it's Warner Bros. that's gone The Simpsons. I can hardly wait to see Homer Simpson being pals with Bugs Bunny. Say good night, Warner Bros. Good night, Warner Bros. Who asked you? You're not funny and you're not Warner Bros.! Sheesh! And shush the sheesh! Now hold on there! Universal Studios did not take over Gracie Films! What are you trying to pull? I just wanted to see what would happen if Homer Simpson met *** Woodpecker. When Microsoft Sam gets back, he's gonna hear about this and he'll give you your just deserts, but good! Judas Priest! Sam was right about you, Mike! You really are a total ***! Don't you start! I am not an ***, you sonofabitch! If Sam were here, Mike, he'd make you a member of the Liars' Club! Telepictures in The Simpsons! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! That's not funny! Change it! Orion. Must be rabbit season. Or maybe duck season. The hunter in the sky. Maybe he's looking for Ursa Major. Perhaps he'll find her near the North Star. Pop Up? Pop Up? This is a motion picture, not a kiddie book! Am-scray! Please, Mike, don't get all worked up over these bloopers like Sam does. That's none of your business, you ***! Microsoft Mike! I won't have you calling me a ***! Simmer down, Mary. At least he knows how I feel about these bloopers sometimes. Microsoft Sam! Back so soon? I never thought I'd say this, Sam, but thank God you've returned! So what brought you back here so soon? I took a detour and found myself in a bad place. I raced back here as fast as I could, but someone from that bad place is chasing me. And who's chasing you? So, Microsoft Sam! I've found you! Eek! It's the Devil! He's brought that Satan's Kingdom sign with him. Somebody do something! Protect me from this evil overseer of that infernal realm! Too late, Sam! You are condemned! Prepare for an eternity of pain! Oh no you don't, Satan! Take that! [BOOM!!] No no no no no no no no! Not that! Anything but that! Let me outta here! Eeee-yow-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w! Look at him run! He took one look at the God's Country sign and fled in terror! Sic semper evillis - thus always to evildoers. Well said, Sam. I must go now. Peace be with you. And also with you. It's great to have you back, Sam. We all missed you. And I missed you too. I have an idea: now that Sam's back, safe and sound, let's all go out for some pizza. Your RoflCopter is all set, Sam. All aboard! We're on our way to Pizza City! soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi All right! What are you, a comedian or something? What do you mean? The only thing that should come in is The Simpsons cloud, not this caption. So sue me! Sheesh! Shush the sheesh! Shishkabob! I'm warning you! All right, all right! Judas Priest! You really know how to make a guy feel like an ***! Takes one to know one. The Simpsons Season 2! That's "The Simpsons Season 2." That's wrong! The Simpsons Season 3. Be vewy quiet, I'm hunting wabbits! Hahahaha! You're not Elmer Fudd. Get it right! You ***! I am not an ***! Liar! You are too! The caption "Blue's Clues" does not come in. Only The Simpsons cloud does, capeesh? I get it. TBS. Very funny. I hope Conan's doing his Year 3000 routine tonight. Not TBS, Gracie Films! TNT. This channel is dynamite. I agree. If you mess with it, it might explode on you. [BOOM!!] I didn't mean it literally! Welcome to the club. This is not Paramount! Get that VistaVision outta here! I kind of like Vistavision myself. Anna! What are you doing here? I heard you were having trouble with The Simpsons intro, Sam, so I've come to help you out. Okay, Anna, I'll give you a chance. Anybody can do better than that dime-a-dozen bum. I'm not a dime-a-dozen bum! You are too! Oh crotch! The words are there, but not the cloud. Don't worry, Anna. You'll get the hang of it sooner or later. I guess you're right, Sam. We'll try again later. I'm all for going out to lunch. Would you like to go Dutch? I think we've been in dutch already. You are so funny, Sam! [Anna laughing] All right, you ***! What's the big idea? What do you mean? And why, in heaven's name, do you keep calling me an ***? Because I can and I said so. Get that PBS P-Head outta here and get me The Simpsons cloud! Now!! Okay, you're the boss. And I am not an ***! You are too an *** and you know it! *** *** *** *** ***! Sheesh! And shush the sheesh! WD-40? Oh crotch! We're all out of WD-40. Don't worry, Mike. I'll buy some on the way home today. Where did the WD-40 come from? And it's not WD, it's WB! Get it right or I'll spray the WD-40 in your eyes! Two upside-down cones and two semi-circles. Abstract art will never die. What are you, a comedian or something? You said it's supposed to be "The Simpsons." Yes, but not "The Simpsons Season 4." All right then, I'll get a concrete one. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... No no no no no no no no damn damn damn damn crap crap crap crap! Why does he always do this to me? I'm sick and tired of all the *** you give me! You *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***! [BOOM!!] Sam? Are you all right? I'm sorry, Anna. I just get so sick and tired of all the *** Speakonia Male 1 gives me in these videos. It gets me so worked up and I'm always throwing tantrums. Don't worry, Sam. Just be calm like me. I'm as cool as the other side of the pillow. But not the pillow Sam drooled on last night. Sam drooled on the pillow? Gross! Eeewwwww! Eeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwww! [Mary barfing] Sony Pictures. Don't they distribute Robot Chicken, Abby? They sure do, Beulah. Next they'll send in the Stoopid Monkey. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Speaking of stupid monkeys, if you don't get me the proper logo--- Stop calling me a stupid monkey! At least I didn't call him an *** that time. Watch your mouth, you sonofabitch! Look, it's Mimsie the cat. Aw, he's so cute. I agree, Mary. I used to have a cat myself. Get that cat outta here or I'll sic my dog on you! Take it easy, Sam. I was only joking. I don't even have a dog. How much does a net globe cost? I don't care. I'll give this dime-a-dozen bum one more chance. I'm not a dime-a-dozen bum! It must be time for "Lidsville." I used to watch it when I was a kid. I wish H.R. Pufnstuf were here. Now you've done it! Out! Out-out-out-out-out! And don't ever come back! And this time I mean it! Next time I see you I'll jam--- [BLEEP!] Sorry I had to do that, Sam, but I just had to calm you down. That's telling him, Anna. Should we go shopping. Good idea, Mary. I have Sam's credit card with me. Let's go! Hey, cloud guy! Who, me? Yes, you! You got the words upside down! Oh really? I thought this was Unreal Tournament. Not Unreal Tournament, Gracie Films. Get it right! CB. As in CB Magazine. Those were the days. Breaker 19 for a radio check. Negatory, good buddy. I say Negatory to this cloud. It's The Simpsons, not CB Magazine. The Simpsons! The Simpsons! The Simpsons! All right! Sheesh, you're such an ***, Microsoft Sam! I'm not an ***, you sonofabitch! And shush the sheesh! V-8. I always wanted to drive a sports car. You're making me thirsty. Oh, wow! I could've had a V-8! VD? VD? I don't want VD. I don't want it either, but if Sam got it on with me, I'd end up with VD anyway. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... No no no no no no no no damn damn damn damn crap crap crap crap! Microsoft Mary, you've got your nerve saying I give you VD! I don't have VD you *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***! [BOOM!!] Sam? Are you all right? I'm okay, Anna. I just get so pissed off by cheap jokes about my sex life. There, there, Sam. I used to feel that way, but then I got over it. If I can do it, so can you. Thanks. Now, let's see if the cloud guy can get it right. 3D. Three dimensions. How psychedelic. I love 3D films. They're so real, I feel like I'm in the picture. Hey, cloud guy! The Simpsons! You hear? The Simpsons! I wish you would call me by my proper name. I'm tired of being called "cloud guy." If you don't display the proper words, you'll be called an out-of-work cloud guy. Up yours, ***! I AM NOT AN ***! Calm down, Sam. This too shall pass. HD. High definition. Hi, definition. What's new? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Hey, cloud guy! I have a riddle for you. Knock knock. Who's there? Ama Gana. Ama Gana who? Ama Gana fire you if you don't display the proper words! Hahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! Sheesh! SHUSH THE SHEESH! Look, Mary. Someone whitewashed the cloud. Maybe the words are out being cleaned. I love reading clean letters, but I also love to write dirty ones. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! CLOUD GUY!! Uh-oh! I'd better vamoose! Come back here, cloud guy! I hate you so much I wanna take that *** cloud and beat your stupid-*** brains out! It's just human nature for me to hate guys that try to make my life a living hell--- ---especially dime-a-dozen bums like you. I'm not a dime-a-dozen bum! LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR... Hey you! Who, me? Yes, you! What's the deal with this Mark VII Limited logo being here when this is supposed to be a Simpsons cartoon? I thought this was going to be a spoof of Dragnet. This is not Dragnet! This is The Simpsons! Get me The Simpsons caption! Now! All right! Judas Priest, you're such an ***! And stop calling me an ***, you sonofabitch! George Schlatter-Ed Friendly Productions? Why, they produced the old "Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In." That show was comedy incarnate. I wish they'd bring it back. Was "Laugh-In" a funny show? You bet your sweet bippy it was! Sock it to me! If you don't bring up The Simpsons caption I'll really sock it to you, but good! LP, as in long-playing record. At last, a long-playing logo. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Not "LP" - "The Simpsons." Williams Street. I used to live on Williams Street when I was a kid. So did I. LH Michael and LH Michelle! You two are not allowed in this video! Get out! Out! O-U-T! Out! Hold it right there, Speakonia Male 1! Come back here! You called, Boss? Yes. I told you to bring up The Simpsons caption. That's your job. Who's the *** that let in all these inappropriate logos? I don't have to ask. It's you, Speakonia Male 1. What do you have to say for yourself? It wasn't me that kicked down the door, it was those crazy people, LH Michael and LH Michelle, that did it. They shouldn't have broken in here in the first place and I'm putting you on notice. Get The Simpsons caption in here before closing time, or else! On notice? Me? Screw you, Sam, you ***! Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... No no no no no no no no! *** you, Speakonia Male 1! I'm sick and tired of your *** insubordination! If you keep screwing up The Simpsons intro, you're fired! You hear me? Fired! You sonofabitch sonofabitch sonofabitch sonofabitch sonofabitch sonofabitch sonofabitch sonofabitch! [BOOM!!] Sam? Are you all right? I'm all right, Anna. I just get so pissed off at all these inappropriate logos invading The Simpsons turf. Oh well, this too shall pass. Microsoft Windows XP. I guess we'll next be visited by Windows Vista and Windows 7. One more commercial plug in a Simpsons cartoon and I'll slap you. Sheesh! And shush the sheesh! Public Broadcasting Service. I guess PBS will now start showing The Simpsons. PBS presents Homer Simpson. Made possible with a grant from ACME Carrots. If I told you once, I've told you a gazillion times, it's "The Simpsons!" Walt Disney Pictures. It's official now: Disney and Gracie Films have merged. I can see it now: Bart Simpson meets Donald Duck and Homer Simpson meets Mickey Mouse. No, no, no, no, no! Disney did not merge with Gracie Films! You have exactly one more chance to bring The Simpsons caption in here, capeesh? Sam, you're becoming a real control freak! One more insubordinate comment like that and you're a dead man! A Rankin-Bass production. Time for an episode of Smokey the Bear. You two here again? I'm calling Security! And as for you, Speakonia Male 1, you know what this means? I don't get the company car you promised me? YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU'RE FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRED!!! Fired!? Fired!? I've got a wife, ten kids and three credit unions to support! If it takes every cent I have, Microsoft Sam, I'll sue your sorry *** so vengefully that one day you'll be working for me! Sure you will. When Hell freezes over! Don't despair, Sam. You still have the rest of us to back you all the way. I guess you're right, Anna. Let'*** the bar. It's happy hour. All the drinks are on me. NBC News. Can Brian Williams be far behind? Not really, Anna. I yearn for the days of the Huntley- Brinkley Report. Not a bad suggestion, RoboSoft 3. ABC. Easy as 1-2-3. Simple as Do-Re-Mi. That's nice, but you forgot the circle to go with the letters. Whoops! CBS presents this program in color. It must be time for the Beverly Hillbillies. Come and listen to my story about a man named Jed. A poor mountaineer, barely kept his family fed. No wonder they moved to Beverly Hills. That Jed Clampett's got his own cement pond. That Jed Clampett is a millionaire. Any news on Sam yet? Sam won't give in. He still won't re-hire Speakonia Male 1. He's as stubborn as a Missouri mule. Look, Michelle, it's a butterfly. Butterflies are free. What network is this from? CBC. It's Canada's answer to the NBC Peacock. Now what is this? A CBC Pizza. Pizza? I love pizza. Especially with sausage, pepperoni and anchovies. Take it back. Now. What's the matter, Anna? Don't you like pizza any more? I love pizza, only I can't stand anchovies. They make my face break out. Now I know what Anna had for dinner last night. How's it going, pizza-face? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! [BOOM!!] Holy Schneikees! You made my face break out! Sorry about that, Mary. I just don't like being called "pizza-face." Be careful next time. What you just did to me made me sick. Eeeeewwwww! Eeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwww! [Mary barfing] Game Cube? What's a game cube? Don't you know, Mike? You roll seven-come-eleven with them. Dice. The original game cubes. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Crossover Programming Company. If you can cross over, we can cross over. Speakonia Male 1! You're back! We missed you. Back already, Speakonia Male 1? Where's Microsoft Sam? I can explain everything. You better explain it fast. I heard that Sam's looking for you. He's got the police looking for you too. Sam and the cops are after Speakonia Male 1? I thought you were holding him hostage. I was, but Sam grabbed the gun out of my hand and started shooting at me. I hot-footed it out of there, but Sam warned me never to come here or I'd be sorry. [Siren] Uh-oh! The fuzz! If Sam sees us here, we're dead! Hide us! Quick! Aha! I thought I'd find you here! Microsoft Sam! Give me another chance! And please stop hating LH Michael and LH Michelle! Hah! That gay boy and his lesbian sister? I'm not a gay boy! And I'm not a lesbian. I'm not even from ***. Liars! Arrest them, Officer! On what charges? Criminal trespass, gross insubordination and mutiny. And make it a capital offense. Microsoft Sam! Are you out of your mind? Sorry, Anna, but justice has to be done. Officer, if you'll just hear me out for a second, I can explain everything. Go ahead. On my way in here, I stopped at the courthouse and filed a wrongful termination lawsuit against Sam. I also accused him of gross homophobia and being a control freak. This from you, a mutineer! Be quiet, Sam! Hear him out. Thanks. And not only that, I've secured a court injunction allowing LH Michael and LH Michelle to stay in these videos. Sam is never to hate them any more or call them homophobic names. All right. I won't arrest you, LH Michael or LH Michelle. And if Sam issues an apology, I won't press charges against him. Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... No no no no no no no no damn damn damn damn crap crap crap crap! Foiled by a broken justice system! When will they ever learn who's in charge of things here? This is a travesty, you hear me? Travesty travesty travesty travesty travesty travesty travesty travesty! [BOOM!!] Are you through, Sam? Yes, Officer. I'm sorry for the tantrum and all the trouble I've caused. Speakonia Male 1, you're re-hired. And as for LH Michael and LH Michelle, I promise never to hate you again. Can we continue with The Simpsons intro, please? Go ahead. DiC? In a Simpsons cartoon? what next, Inspector Gadget meets Lisa Simpson? Lexington Broadcast Services? Which Lexington do they hail from? Kentucky? Virginia? Massachusetts? Nerdocrumbesia? Lexington in Nerdocrumbesia? Just kidding, Sam! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***! Same old Sam. Always calls me a *** every time I get the best of him. Don't worry, Mary. This too shall pass. And how about getting the logo right for a change? Roger. The name's Microsoft Sam, not Roger. Sorry. Well, it's an improvement. All we need to do is replace the "Season 1" with a "Season 8' and we'll be on Easy Street. Not to worry, I'll try again. Not just yet. It's been a trying day and I need to get a little rest. Let's take the rest of the week off. Works for me. Me too. It sure feels good to see you back, Sam. I missed you. I missed you too, Anna. I love you. And I love you too, Sam. [Anna] Sam? Where are you? [Mike] He said he'd be a little late coming in. [Mary] He's probably lecturing the Cloud Guy. [Anna] Well, we might as well get started. [Anna] Nice to drop in, Sam. What are you doing atop The Simpsons caption? [Mary] Great entrance, Sam. Are you auditioning to be Homer Simpson's stuntman? No, I'm not auditioning to be Homer Simpson's stuntman. I was telling the Cloud Guy to get the proper logo in here and I wound up on top of it. [Anna] Sam, you look good riding the caption. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! [Cloud Guy] I told you not to sit on the caption, Sam. [Sam] Now you tell me. ***! [Mary] Now where'd Mike go? [Sam] Mike, you ***! Get off the caption! You're not Homer Simpson. Don't call me an ***, you sonofabitch! This caption is so pointy, it hurts to sit on it. Ouch! [Anna] I think Mike looks good atop the caption, but where's Mary? [Sam] She probably went to get a drink of water. Hey, this is fun! I could feel the breeze in my hair when I zoomed in. [Sam] Cloud Guy! [Cloud Guy] What's up, Doc? [Sam] Don't "What's up, Doc" me, you ***! Tell Mary to get off the caption... right now! Don't listen to Sam, Cloud Guy. I love these caption rides. [Mike] I'm hip to you, Mary. [Sam] Microsoft Mike, stop encouraging people to do these crazy stunts! You are a certified first-class ***! An ***. you hear? AN ***!!! [Mike] Microsoft Sam listen to me good: I AM NOT AN ***! I NEVER WAS AN ***! I'LL NEVER BE AN *** AND I WANT YOU TO STOP CALLING ME AN ***! YOU HEAR ME? STOP CALLING ME AN *** YOU SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH!! [BOOM!!] [Speakonia Male 2] Holy Schneikees! Mike throws a tantrum in The Simpsons Intro Bloopers video? [Speakonia Male 3] Usually Sam throws tantrums in these videos. [Sam] Gad! What a temper! Anna? Where's Anna? Have you seen Anna? Here I am, Sam! Mary's right. This is fun! [Sam] Anna? You're riding the caption? Yeah, but I think Mike's right when he said it needs a little smoothing out. [Sam] I'm hip to that. Hey Cloud Guy, have you been charging admission to let people ride the caption? [Cloud Guy] Nope. I let them ride for free. After all, you started it, Sam! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! [Sam] Sheesh! [Abby] Hey Beulah, this is fun! I can see clear over to Albuquerque from here. [Beulah] I agree, Abby. We should remember to take that left turn there. [Sam] Two people riding the caption at the same time? [Mike] At least that'll make riding it smoother. Hey Michelle, this has Coney Island beat by a country mile. I agree, Michael. They should name this place the Chuck Jones Memorial Park. [Sam] CLOUD GUY!! [Cloud Guy] You bellowed, Sam? [Sam] Yes, I bellowed, Cloud Guy. Did you let this gay boy and his lesbian sister in here again? Come on, Sam, give us a break. Stop hating us. We have as much a right to ride the caption as the rest of you. [Sam] I don't care! You're still not allowed in here! Out! Out-out-out-out-out! [Cloud Guy] Microsoft Sam! You can't keep chasing LH Michael and LH Michelle away as if they were prairie dogs! You'll turn into a hate criminal if you keep this up! Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... No no no no no no no no damn damn damn damn crap crap crap crap! Why do you keep *** up my life, Cloud Guy? LH Michael and LH Michelle are unauthorized personnel! I am not a hate criminal! You hear me? I am not a hate criminal you *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***! [BOOM!!] [Anna] Sam? Are you all right? [Sam] I'm all right, Anna. I just get so pissed off at the Cloud Guy for letting LH Michael and LH Michelle in here. He doesn't realize how much I hate their guts. [Anna] Don't be too rough on them, Sam. Just because they're different doesn't mean they're undesirable. As a personal favor, please give them a chance. Do this for me, okay? [Sam] Okay, Anna. I'll try, but it won't be easy. [Speakonia Male 2] AFLAC. [Mary] I love the AFLAC Duck. He's so cute. [Speakonia Male 3] What's up, duck? [Sam] If they try to sell me insurance again, it's duck soup. Hahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! [LH Michael] PlayStation. [LH Michelle] I love it. No work, all play. [Sam] Ix-nay on the ugs-play! [Cloud Guy] Oy vey. [Cloud Guy] Oops! I goofed again! I know I should be punished. Let me take off my trousers. [Speakonia Male 2] Don't bother. I think they've reached the limits on what *** probing can teach them. [Sam] Well, you're in the ballpark. This gives me an idea. Hand me the tools. Oh Sam! You are so gifted with tools. I'm glad you like it, Anna. I call it "The Simpsons Caption Mobile." I especially love these new seats. It's much more comfortable than sitting on the caption itself. It's almost lunch time. Wanna go Dutch? I'm one step ahead of you, Anna. All right. Hang on, here we go! [Beulah] Holy Schneikees! That's a real fast machine Sam's got! I wish I could ride one of those. [Abby] So do I, but Sam's only built one. [Mary] Well, at least we know where they usually have lunch. [Mike] We can join them at the commissary. [Cloud Guy] May I tag along? [Mike] Only if you ride your own caption! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! [Cloud Guy] Oh crotch. Quiet on the set. This is a take. Cue caption. I said cue caption, not the Simitar "S." [Cloud Guy] Well, the word "caption" does start with an "S." Looks like it's going to be one of those days. With Sam, every day is one of those days. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Shut up, you ***! [Mike] How many times must I tell you, Sam? I am not an ***! [Sam] Liar! You are too! He's not an ***, Sam. Don't encourage him, you ***! And get me the proper logo! [Cloud Guy] Roger Wilco. Ruby Spears. I used to know her in college. She must be Britney's sister. I'll spear your rubies if you don't get me the proper logo! [Cloud Guy] Don't get violent, Sam! [Speakonia Male 2] Thayms? What in the world is Thayms? [Speakonia Male 3] That's pronounced "Tems." It's that English television network that made Benny Hill famous. Benny Hill? Good show, lads. [Cloud Guy] Oops! Yet another logo blooper. Ah yes. Bad show, lads. Hi, Sam. Are you having trouble with The Simpsons intro again? Same old song and dance. Don't worry, Sam. Let's see what comes up next. Nelvana. That's near Nirvana, isn't it? The bear must smell like Teen Spirit. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! That's not the smell of Teen Spirit. Bears use the woods for toilets, and that bear must have just relieved itself before coming here. You mean he just pooped? Sickening. Gross. Eeeeewwwwwwww! Eeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwww! [Barfing] [Jingle singers] Ajax Laundry Detergent is stronger than dirt! Ajax, stronger than dirt. I thought the ghost of Jim Morrison of the Doors just came in. We can use that to clean up the bucket after someone gets sick in this studio. What did we tell you? No commercial plugs in a Simpsons cartoon! Now let's get on the stick! King Features. It must be time for "Cool McCool." Danger is his business! LH Michael and LH Michelle! What are you doing here? Take it easy on us, Sam. The cops warned you not to hate us again, remember? Sam, why must you insist on hating LH Michael and LH Michelle? For Pete's sake, be nice to them, okay? Get a hold of yourself, Sam. You've got to exhibit tolerance. Keep cool. Uh-oh! Tantrum in five, four, three, two, one... No no no no no no no no damn damn damn damn crap crap crap crap! What in the blessed name of J.L. Gracie is this world coming to when I have to tolerate people I feel like hating? It sucks, you hear me? It sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks! [BOOM!!] Calm down, Sam. They're just people like us. I'm sorry for acting that way, Anna. I guess I'm trapped in my old ways. [Anna] That's all right, Sam. You'll get over it soon. Shall we continue with The Simpsons intro now? Great idea. Hey, Cloud Guy! [Cloud Guy] I know. I'll bring up the proper logo. [Cloud Guy] How's this, Sam? [Sam] Well, it's an improvement, but we're using the Season 13 intro and this logo is from the Season 5. [Cloud Guy] Give me a break, Sam. It's been a trying day. [Sam] I know the feeling. Let's all take the rest of the day off. [Anna] I'm for taking the rest of the day off too, Sam. You need some rest. I'll be right beside you. [Sam] Thanks, Anna. [Mike] Looks like they're an item. [Mary] I knew they'd get along. Places, everyone! This is a take! Roll camera! Cue the caption! All right, Cloud Guy! What are you, a comedian or something? [Cloud Guy] You wanted the caption, you got the caption. Yeah, but you got the words wrong. It should be "The Simpsons," not "FTW." FTW - For The Win. For the what? For The Win. I thought it meant "F--- The World." Shut up, you ***! WTF? That's what I say! What the F--- is going on here? [Cloud Guy] Oops! Methinks I goofed again. Youthinks right, Cloud Guy. Get it right or I'll f--- you where the sun doesn't shine! [Cloud Guy] Don't get dirty, Sam! A CBS Special Presentation. I just love Snoopy and Woodstock. Not CBS, you ***! The Simpsons! The Simpsons! The Simpsons! [Cloud Guy] Quit calling me an ***, you sonofabitch! [Speakonia Male 2] A CBS Family Presentation. [Speakonia Male 3] When I was little, my family watched a lot of CBS programs. Oh really? My family used to watch NBC a lot. Listen up, Cloud Guy! You're supposed to bring up The Simpsons caption and ONLY The Simpsons caption! You hear me? [Cloud Guy] And you listen to me, Sam! YouTube user BJ29035 demands that we include The Simpsons Characters in The Simpsons Intro Bloopers video! And Pepsi9072 says there would be copyright issues if we did that! Now get on the stick! Operation Prime Time. Programming research will never die. CLOUD GUY!!! [Cloud Guy] You bellowed, Sam? Yes, I bellowed! Now pay attention! The Simpsons! The Simpsons! The as in Wisenheimer, Simpsons as in Blockhead! The Simpsons! Now!! CLOUD GUY, YO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-OU'RE FIRED!!! [Cloud Guy] Fired!? Fired!? Screw you, Microsoft Sam! I'm telling BJ29035 on you! Calm down, Sam. Pepsi9072 is right. If we used the The Simpsons Characters in one of these videos, Gracie Films would hit him with a copyright strike. Gee, Anna, that makes me feel a lot better. Eek! It's the Devil and the She-Devil! You're right, Beulah. Grab hold of the nearest cross. [Devil] Chill out, babes. It's not you that we've come for. [She-Devil] We've come for Microsoft Sam. You infernal beasties! You dare invade The Simpsons Intro Bloopers video? We were having a lot of fun ourselves until you two evildoers showed up. We've got a good mind to call on God to drive you away. [Devil] We have a message to deliver to all of you. [She-Devil] Since Pepsi9072 refuses to include The Simpsons Characters in these videos, we claim Microsoft Sam's soul. Get thee behind me, Devil and She-Devil! Pepsi9072 won't do it because he might get a copyright strike against him. [Devil] BJ29035 says that's all ***. [She-Devil] If Pepsi9072 still refuses to include Thomas & Friends Characters, we will *** all over you. That's far enough, Devil and She-Devil! Get out of here right now, or I invoke the wrath of God! [Devil] Scandalous! Shall we let them have it? [She-Devil] Let's do it. Bombs away! [PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP] Gugh! Not again! Eeeeewwwww! Eeeeeeewwwwwww! [Barfing] You filthy animals! Eeeewwwwwww! Eeeeeewwwwwwww! [Barfing] You'll pay for this, Devil and She-Devil! Eeeeeeewwwwwwww! Eeeeeeewwwwwwwwwww! [Barfing] Jiminy Christmas! All over my best dress! Eeewwww! Eeeeewwwwwww! [Barfing] [Devil] Look at them, covered in ***! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! [She-Devil] They're so sick they can hardly move! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! You've gone too far, cesspool swimmers! Take that! [BOOM!!] [Voice of God] All right, Devil and She-Devil! Now you get yours! [Devil] Not the cleaning again! [She-Devil] We can't stand having our *** cleaned! [Voice of God] Take that, dirty creatures! [Devil] Eee-yow-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w! [She-Devil] Eee-yow-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w! Thanks again, Angel. We're cleaned up and feeling better. And we're glad those infernal goons are getting their come-uppance. A-men! You're welcome. [Cloud Guy] Oh no! Not again! I know I should be punished. Don't worry. When that Devil and She-Devil let loose on me, I regretted letting you go. You're re-hired, Cloud Guy. [Cloud Guy] Thanks. [Anna] This is Microsoft Anna with a follow-up report on the mix-up that just took place. The Devil and She-Devil have gotten their come-uppance. And Pepsi9072 need not worry about BJ29035 abusing him for not using The Simpsons Characters. Pepsi's right about the copyright issues, BJ is wrong, and let's let it go at that. Keep watching this channel for future The Simpsons Intro Bloopers videos. Hey, Cloud Guy! [Cloud Guy] You called, Sam? What's the big idea with the TV Land logo? You're in the movies, not TV. Change it now! [Cloud Guy] Surely you can't be serious. [Sam] I am serious, and don't call me Shirley. Get Smart. Tonight's episode: The Strange Case of Weird Al Qaida. Or, The President's Name is Obama, Not Osama. The Simpsons, not Get Smart. Get me? [Cloud Guy] Sorry about that, Chief. Mission Impossible. Good morning, Mr. Phelps. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to hunt down the notorious Gingrich Gang. What's with the TV series titles? You're supposed to have The Simpsons caption zoom in, you dig? [Cloud Guy] This logo will self-destruct in five seconds. [Ticking] [BOOM!!] [Sam] *** *** *** *** ***! [Speakonia Male 2] It's the NBC Mystery Movie. [Speakonia Male 3] Tonight, starring Peter Falk as Columbo. I've always admired detectives. Columbo was my favorite. And if you don't bring up The Simpsons caption, it will be the Case of the Missing Cloud Guy. [Cloud Guy] Sheesh! [Sam] And shush the sheesh! Desilu. The studio that gave us I Love Lucy, Mission Impossible and Star Trek. Only you, Desilu. You two again!? Get out! Out! Oh, come on, Sam! Give us a break! We're not undesirables just because we're different. God did not put me on this Earth to tolerate gay boys like LH Michael and lesbians like LH Michelle! Get out, before I THROW you out! Microsoft Sam! I won't stand for any more of your bigotry! Accept them and be done with it, capeesh? I don't need a lecture from you, Fatso! I said stop hating LH Michael and LH Michelle! And don't ever call me "Fatso!" [CRASH!] Ouch! My ribcage! My spine! Owww! Disneyland. Now Mickey Mouse can co-star with Homer Simpson. And Donald Duck can hobnob with Bart Simpson. I Wish I was in Disney, away, away. In Disneyland I'll take my stand to share the magic of Disney. Hey, Cloud Guy... IT'S NOT DISNEY, YOU ***, IT'S GRACIE FILMS! [Cloud Guy] Okay, Sam. If you're gonna be a sonofabitch, I'm gonna give it to you good! Holy Schneikees! Do you see what I see? It's the Viacom V of Doom, the Screen Gems S from Hell, and the B-Backwards-N-D Mask of Guo Jiang! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Sam? Sam? Are you all right? Speak to me, Sam! Oh my gosh! Sam's having a heart attack! Call 9-1-1! Oh...where am I? This doesn't look like the studio. What is this place? [VID (B-Backwards N-D) MUSIC] Holy Schneikees! Am I really in Satan's Kingdom? Yes, Microsoft Sam. And this time, you really DIED! And now that you're dead, you belong to us... ...forever! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! God, save me! You heard him, Satan! Let Sam go! And who's gonna make me? [Voice of God] I will, you infernal hound dogs! Bring Sam back to life! NOW!! Go away, interferer! Sam is MINE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! [Mary] He's coming to, Anna. Oh...where am I? Relax, Sam. You're in a hospital bed. The doctor said you had a mild heart attack. You're going to be okay. That's a relief. I had a vision in which I met the Devil and the She-Devil in Satan's Kingdom. I called for God and the Angel to save me, but the Devil stabbed me in the gut with his pitchfork! Ouch! There, there, Sam. You probably had a bad dream. And how are things at the studio? Just fine. They're still trying to get The Simpsons introduction correct. That's not The Simpsons caption. It's the Television from the Paramount Blue Mountain logo. That's right. That Blue Mountain keeps abusing me, and he keeps lying about it. If the Television came here, I wonder where The Simpsons caption could be. [The Simpsons Cloud] Would you like me to buy you a drink, Blue Mountain? [Blue Mountain] Let'*** the bars. The night is ours. Quiet on the set! Roll camera! Cue caption! [Sam] Hahahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! [Cloud Guy] What's so damn funny, Sam? You got not one caption up there, but two! [Cloud Guy] I've been experimenting with DNA. Do your cloning on your own time. Now get it right! Three captions. Next they'll show the Three Stooges. Soitenly! Nyuk-nyuk! Now that's three captions to the wind. It's supposed to be one caption, not three. [Cloud Guy] My assistant researcher is very fertile. One, two, three, four. Four The Simpsons captions. Have you got any more? [Speakonia Male 2] Looks like a four-leaf clover. [Speakonia Male 3] I'm looking over a four-leaf clover that I overlooked before. You ***, Cloud Guy! There is supposed to be only one caption zooming in! Do you hear me? One! [Cloud Guy] You're no fun any more, Microsoft Sam! White cloud, no words. I prefer a blue cloud, thank you. And just what are you two doing here? Sam, you have no reason to hate us. Just because we're different doesn't give you the right to call us undesirable. I am going to say this once, and only once. WHAT PART OF "EVIL PERVERTS" DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? Microsoft Sam! What part of "hate criminal" don't you understand? If you don't stop hating LH Michael and LH Michelle, your *** is grass! Do you hear me? Shut up, Fatso! And stop calling me "Fatso!" [CRASH!] Security!! Calm down, Sam. If only you were a little more tolerant of LH Michael and LH Michelle, this wouldn't have happened to you. I'm sorry, Abby, but you just have to face the truth at some point. And how about some words for the cloud? [Cloud Guy] Sure thing, Baldy. [Sam] And don't call me "Baldy!" CLOUD GUY!! [Cloud Guy] You bellowed, Sam? Yes, I bellowed, Cloud Guy! Where's the cloud? [Cloud Guy] You said you wanted the words, so I gave you the words. I want to see the words in the cloud, you hear? The letters in the cloud! [Cloud Guy] All right, all right! Sheesh, you're such an ***! [Voices singing] SEGA. Not SEGA! The Simpsons, you hear? The Simpsons! Calm down, Sam. You know he's trying. Yes, Anna. He's trying, all right--- very trying. They're playing my song! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Hey Cloud Guy, could you display the words "Looney Tunes" as well? [Cloud Guy] Sure, Mike. I've got a zillion of them. Don't encourage him, Mike. I'm in charge here. [Sam] And give me the proper words this time, or your *** is grass! CLOUD GUY!! [Cloud Guy] Uh-oh! I'd better vamoose! Come back here, you coward! [Sam] Gotcha, Cloud Guy! Now you're getting the punishment you deserve! [Cloud Guy] What're you gonna do to me, you sonofabitch? This! [RIP!!] Ouch! You mutilator! You should have thought of that before you started messing up the cloud. Calm down, Sam! You know Pepsi9072 disapproves of your abusing the Cloud Guy, not to mention your loathing of LH Michael and LH Michelle. Let them be, and be done with it. She's right, Sam. Don't let it upset you. Remain calm. Uh-oh! Tantrum in five, four, three, two, one... No no no no no no no no damn damn damn damn crap crap crap crap!! It's my The Simpsons Intro and I can do what I damn well please! I don't need anyone like that *** Cloud Guy or those perverts LH Michael and LH Michelle whom I demand that the Devil torment forever! This sucks, you hear me? Sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks!! [BOOM!!] Sam? Are you all right? I guess so, Anna. I'm sorry I acted that way. I guess I'm too set in my ways. [Anna] There, there, Sam. Everything will be okay. Shall we continue with The Simpsons Intro now? [Sam] Good idea. Hey Cloud Guy! [Cloud Guy] I'm one step ahead of you. Jeez, now I know what a eunuch feels like. If this is a Lionsgate, I wonder if there's a Tigersgate and a Bearsgate as well. Lions and tigers and bears, oh my! [Cloud Guy] Oops, wrong words again. I do hate shabby work. [Sam] And so do I. Hey! What's going on? We're shutting down, Sam. They cut the budget in half because the tantrums you and your friends threw caused a 400-percent spike in energy bills. And it's just after curfew. You coming, Mary? I'm right behind you, Mike. [Anna] Are you ready, Sam? [Sam] I'm as ready as I'll ever be, Anna. [Anna] Okay. Here we go! Hey, Cloud Guy! [Cloud Guy] You called, Sam? What's with the Paramount Split Box logo? This is supposed to be The Simpsons. Bring me the caption! [Cloud Guy] Sorry. Morris Video? Who in the heck is Morris Video? Maybe he means Morris the Cat, from the 9 Lives Cat Food commercials. Morris the Cat does videos? I have the perfect title. "How to be Finicky Without Really Trying." Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! This is not Morris Video. This is Gracie Films. Get it right! [Cloud Guy] Sam, you're really acting finicky today. [Sam] Shut up, you ***! [Cloud Guy] Don't you call me an ***, you sonofabitch! Stephen J. Cannell? Didn't he produce "The A-Team?" "The A-Team." That was a great show. I've always dreamed of being a soldier of fortune. I hate to tell you this, Abby, but Stephen J. Cannell died a couple of years ago. He died? I didn't even know he was sick! Neither did I. Get me the cloud, and be quiet! They call him Flipper. Flipper, faster than lightning. No one you see is smarter than he. You two again? You don't seem to face facts, do you? Sam, Sam, Sam. Stop being such a hater! We have as much a right to be in these videos as the rest of you. I have no desire to be friends with people whom I know for a fact are evil. Get out! It's no good to vent out wanton hate against a person just because he or she is different. We are not evil. Accept us and be done with it. What's the worst that can happen to you? What's the worst that can happen to me? GOD WOULD HATE ME FOR ACCEPTING YOU!! Microsoft Sam! Stop hating LH Michael and LH Michelle at once! You know that God is very forgiving. I don't dabble in heresy, Fatso! Stop calling me "Fatso!" All right! Sheesh! You don't have to throw me around the studio like a beanbag! I'm not throwing you around like a beanbag this time. Then what are you gonna do to me? [Beulah] This! [RIP!!!] {Sam] Eee-yow-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w! Why did you just give me a wedgie? It's your just punishment for hating LH Michael and LH Michelle. And if you do that once more, I'll throw you into Satan's Kingdom! Do you hear me? Stop hating them! Beulah, you frighten me more than the V of Doom, the S from Hell, and the B-Backwards N-D Mask of Guo Jiang rolled into one. And as for you, Cloud Guy... [Cloud Guy] You don't have to remind me. Jeez, what a bigot! [Speakonia Male 2] Lassie? The dog? [Speakonia Male 3] Lassie, come home! Cloud Guy, you must be a real dog to keep messing up the logos like this. Now get it right or I'll put you in a leash! [Cloud Guy] On a leash? Sheesh! [Sam] And shush the sheesh! A horse is a horse, of course, of course. And no one can talk to a horse, of course. Unless, of course, the talking horse is the famous Mister Ed. Enough with the animal shows. No more dolphins, dogs or horses. I want The Simpsons caption and ONLY, ONLY The Simpsons caption, you dig? Take it easy, Sam. Anna and I happen to be animal lovers. I love all animals, except for horses. I got thrown from one once. I didn't know Mary was that strong! Hahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! Stay calm, Mary. Relax. Keep your cool. Uh-oh! Tantrum coming on. Eee-yow-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w! Microsoft sam, how dare you call me a horse! You should be tied to a post yourself you *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***! [BOOM!!] Jeez Louise! Now Mary's thrown a tantrum in The Simpsons Intro Bloopers video! Are you all right, Mary? I'm okay, Abby. I hope Sam apologizes for calling me a horse. All right, Mary, I'm sorry for calling you a horse. And Beulah, I promise to never, ever call you "Fatso" again... ...especially since I need to lose weight myself. Well, Sam, it takes one to know one! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Windows Vista. That's where I used to hang out. CLOUD GUY!!! You bellowed, Sam? Yes, I bellowed, Cloud Guy! I want The Simpsons caption, you hear me? The Simpsons! NOW!! Windows 7. 7 Windows on the wall. All right! Enough is enough! Out you two pixies go, through the door or out the Windows! Not again, Sam! And that goes for you too, Beulah! [Sam] Out! Out! All of you! OUT!!! [ZOOM] [CRASH!] [ZOOM] [CRASH!] [ZOOM] [CRASH!] Microsoft Sam! Are you out of your mind? [Sam] And as for you, Cloud Guy... [ZOOM] [CRASH!] [Sam] You're fired! And I'm calling the cops! Now this time, let's get it right. And remind me to get a lawyer who'll help me win a case for once. "Dora the Explorer?" "Dora the Explorer?" That's wrong. It should be read "The Simpsons," not "Dora the Explorer." [Cloud Guy] Oops! [Cloud Guy] How's this, boss? Almost there, Cloud Guy. All we need to do is make the Season 7 a Season 5 and we're on Easy Street. Well said, Sam. And I'm glad you've come to your senses about us. Are you convinced now that it's no good to hate us just because we're different from you? LH Michael, LH Michelle and Beulah, you know it and I know it, but what would God think of me now? I'm sure He'd forgive you. And I forgive you too, Sam. I was that way once, but things are different now. They sure are. [Cloud Guy] I'll get the cloud corrected. [Sam] Well, not just yet, Cloud Guy. I've been through a lot of hell today and I can use a little rest. Let's take the rest of the day off. [Mike] I agree with you, Sam. Are you coming, Mary? [Mary] I'm coming, Mike. [Anna] And I'm glad to see you've wised up about LH Michael and LH Michelle, Sam. [Sam] I agree, Anna. I've certainly learned my lesson. Let's head for the bar. The drinks are on me. All right, let's get this show on the road. Roll camera. Cue the caption. Cloud Guy! You called me Sam? I didn't call you Sam. I'm Sam, you're the Cloud Guy. I addressed you with my question, Sam. Just joking. Do you know what you just zoomed into the frame? [Cloud Guy] You mean this? Yes, that. It's supposed to be The Simpsons caption, not "That's all Folks!" from Looney Tunes. If you want it done right, YOU do it! I'm quitting! Cloud Guy, you come back here! Leave him alone, Sam. LH Michelle and I can handle the intros. All right, LH Michael. Anyone can be better than that dime-a-dozen bum. He's not a dime-a-dozen bum, Sam. MF? Who's an MF? Master of Funsters? I would have said Master of Puppets, but, first of all, that's a Metallica song, and second, the cloud would have said "MP." I'll bet that's what the Cloud Guy thinks of Sam. And after Sam fired him, that Cloud Guy still thinks Sam's an MF. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! It's not that funny, you two. Besides, I didn't fire him. He quit. AW? Do they mean "Another World?" That's the name of one of those soap operas from years ago. Soap operas? Sounds like a classical music drama set in the shower. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Soap operas. Daytime dramas. My stories. I know what that A-W stands for: ***-Wipe. That's what Microsoft Mike is, was and always will be, no matter how many times he denies it. He can't run away from what he is. Hahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! Take it easy, Mike. He's only kidding. Stay cool. Uh-oh! Tantrum coming on now. No no no no no no no no dammit dammit dammit dammit! Microsoft Sam, how many times do I have to tell you? I am not a *** ***! I never was one, nor will I ever be one and I want you to cease and desist calling me a liar every time I deny being an ***! You hear me? Sonofabitch sonofabitch sonofabitch sonofabitch sonofabitch sonofabitch sonofabitch sonofabitch! [BOOM!!] Are you all right, Mike? I'm okay, Mary. Jeez Louise, Mike! Why must you get so upset over something as trivial as name-calling? See, Mike? Sam admitted it was trivial. Good. Let's get the cloud right. [Speakonia Male 2] Nickelodeon. I'd like to open an account here. Where do I see the teller? [Speakonia Male 3] There's no teller here. This is Nickelodeon, not Nick. Anybody know where the Cloud Guy is? I haven't the foggiest idea, Sam. If I know the Cloud Guy, he probably got a job at the Nick. I wouldn't be surprised if he pulled a channel job. Hahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! Nick Jr.? I never heard of them. Don't worry, Mary. You know the old saying: "And the Junior shall be Nickelodeon." Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Alvy Adair, FBI. Do you have a man reported missing who answers to the name "Cloud Guy?" Yes. The Cloud Guy says he quit, but I turned down his resignation. Therefore, he's playing hooky from work. We have no criminal record on him, so we referred your case to the CIA. The CIA? Cedric Shmendrick, CIA. We have found the missing man known as the Cloud Guy and have returned him to you. Do you wish to press charges? He's my employee. I'll handle him. All right, he's yours. Sam, why didn't you accept my resignation? Because, Cloud Guy, you didn't submit it to me in writing. That's why I had the FBI and the CIA coming after you. And also because you're a dime-a-dozen bum. I'm not a dime-a-dozen bum! You are too a dime-a-dozen bum! [Cloud Guy] I am not! [Sam] You are too! [Cloud Guy] I am NOT!! [Sam] You are TOO!! [Cloud Guy] I AM NOT!!! [Sam] YOU ARE TOO!!! Will you two please stop fighting!! Shut up, ***! [Mike] I am not an *** and don't ever call me a liar for denying ever being one! You tell him, Microsoft Mike! Don't be a mutineer, Cloud Guy! [Cloud Guy] Mutineer, huh? Well, try this on for size, you slave- driving control freak! FU? What's FU? They should have put a MANCHU on the cloud as well. Then it would be "FU MANCHU!" Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! CLOUD GUY!!! YOU NOODGE! WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO SAY FOR YOURSELF? [Cloud Guy] Only what's on the cloud: F-U! YOU DON'T SAY "F-U" TO YOUR BOSS! THAT'S INSUBORDINATION! GET ME THE SIMPSONS CAPTION NOW, OR I'LL SEND YOU TO SATAN'S KINGDOM! YOU HEAR ME? THE SIMPSONS! NOT F-U, A-W OR M-F!! THE SIMPSONS!! NOW!!! [Cloud Guy] All right, Microsoft Sam! You want The Simpsons caption, you got The Simpsons caption! Here it is! [CRASH!!] Sam? Sam? Are you all right? Speak to me, Sam. That Cloud Guy! We'll have to get Sam to the hospital, Anna. And I'll be at his side. I don't want to lose him. I want that dime-a-dozen bum hanged to the nearest tree! Cloud Guy, you have a visitor to see you. I'll be glad to see a human face. Cloud Guy, it's me. Beulah. Beulah! Am I glad to see you! I've sprung you, Cloud Guy. I'll take you home. [Cloud Guy] How's Sam? I hope I didn't destroy him when I threw that The Simpsons caption at him. [Beulah] He's doing fine. Anna called me from the hospital to say that Sam's dropping the charges against you if you apologize to him. [Cloud Guy] Good. Let's go to the hospital so I can apologize to him. Hey, Cloud Guy! You called, Sam? Did we just get different version? I thought they'd look brighter. Good thinking, my boy. Looks like that Cloud Guy's jumped the gun. I agree. He sent the Looney Tunes title in instead of The Simpsons caption. Homer Simpson meets Bugs Bunny. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ease up on the Cloud Guy, Anna. He's trying to do good after being sprung from jail. I understand, Sam. Let's give him a chance. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Cloud Guy, you've done it again! The caption ahead of the cloud! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Methinks I goofed again. Youthinks right, Cloud Guy. But I think Beulah's right--- it's very funny! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! That joke is so old. Well? Well what? Where's the rest of the titles? I think something's fishy here. I agree with you, LH Michelle, but give the poor boy some slack. Remember, he's trying to make his own way in the world. You tell her, Sam. [Speakonia Male 2] The Simpsons Season 6? [Speakonia Male 3] Must be a new kind of birthday present for the younger set. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! All right, Cloud Guy! Are you trying to make an *** out of me? You said get the intro in before the captions. That's right, but I meant getting the clouds in first. Then the captions zooming should read "The Simpsons" caption up. Do you understand me? Roger Wilco. [Sam] I wish he'd call me by my proper name. CLOUD GUY!!! You bellowed, Sam? Yes, I bellowed, Cloud Guy! Do you work for RKO Radio Pictures? I should say not. Then why the hell did you put an RKO Radio Pictures caption up when this is supposed to be Gracie Films? Microsoft Sam! Please do not be too rough on the Cloud Guy! You know I'm the one who bailed him out of jail after he hit you with the caption! If you abuse him, you'll feel my wrath! Understand me? You tell him, Beulah! You keep out of this, you ***! And you'd better stop dating him if you know what's good for you, Fatso! Listen, Sam! The Cloud Guy and I love each other and I want you to stop objecting to it! And never call me "Fatso" again! All right, all right! I know when I'm licked. But you and the Cloud Guy better toe the line, or else! Remember who's in charge here. Lionsgate. The story of a scandal among big cats at the zoo. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! I had another dream about lions at the door. It wasn't as frightning as the ones before. Bruce Cockburn, 1980. This is not Lionsgate; this is Gracie Films. Either you put "The Simpsons" up or put "The Tracey Ullman Show" up, capeesh? [Cloud Guy] Picky, picky, picky. Paramount? I'd say Homer Simpson would bring on Popeye the Sailor as a special guest if Bluto hadn't murdered that one-eyed sailor. Popeye the Sailor is not dead. The story they planted in the tabloids a couple of years ago was just a hoax. CLOUD GUY!!! Holy Schneikees, Sam! I don't know who's been giving me the wrong captions, but it's not my *** fault, you slave-driving control freak! ONE MORE INSUBORDINATE COMMENT LIKE THAT AND OUT YOU GO!! PERMANENTLY!! YOU HEAR ME? Take it easy, Cloud Guy. Sam's just having a bad day. Don't let it bother you. Relax. Keep your cool. Uh-oh! Tantrum is coming on. No no no no no no no no damn damn damn damn crap crap crap crap!! I just got out of jail and now you're threatening to throw me back in!! I don't have to take this *** from *** like you, and if you fire me, I'll kill myself!! You *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***!! [BOOM!!] Are you all right, Cloud Guy? I'm okay, Beulah. If you two can put aside this sympathy, we've got a picture to start. I know exactly what to do, Sam. Oh no! No! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! [Bawling] Why? Why? Why? That Cloud guy's ruined me! I'm ruined! RUINED!! There, there, Sam. It's not the end of the world. You're right, Anna. This isn't the end of the world... BUT IT'S THE END OF THE CLOUD GUY'S CAREER!! CLOUD GUY, YO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-OU'RE FIRED! OUT YOU GO! OUT-OUT-OUT-OUT-OUT!! Oh no you don't, Microsoft Sam! You re-hire my boyfriend right now! Never! You stay away from that dime-a-dozen bum forever! You hear me? Stay away from him forever! That's the last straw, Microsoft Sam! You're becoming too much of a tyrant for all of us! [Beulah] Out you go! [ZOOM!] [CRASH!] [Sam] This is mutiny! I'm calling the police! How's Sam doing? Just fine, Anna. He'll be back in a matter of days. I hope he'll be in a good mood when he returns. He will be. Let's get on with the picture. [BUZZER] Uh-oh! The titles are out of order. Looks like we have the rest of the day to ourselves. Who could have screwed up the titles like that? I haven't the foggiest idea, Mike. I think I know who it was. Sam rigged the system so it wouldn't work right until he returns. Let's all take the rest of the day off. [Sam] This is Microsoft Sam with a confession. I've always been a perfectionist. I'm sorry for the way I acted and for trying to break Beulah and the Cloud Guy up. The Cloud Guy and Beulah are not mutineers, and the Cloud Guy is re-hired... ...at least for the time being. Sam? Sam? Has anybody seen Sam? He's lecturing the Cloud Guy. Something about Sam's recent psychiatric treatment. I'm all right now. I just get so pissed off over the least little things. Ready, Cloud Guy? Ready, Sam. [Sam] Roll it! NTA Release? I can see it now: Lisa Simpson meets Baby Huey. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! What does NTA have to do with The Simpsons? Nothing that I know of. NOAA. Looks like we're in for a spell of bad weather. He'd better start building his ark and bringing all the animals in. NOAA's Ark! Hahahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! If he got a section of a circle, it would be NOAA's Arc. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! [Speakonia Male 2] MGM/UA Home Video. [Speakonia Male 3] Tom and Jerry, meet Sylvester and Tweety. As Tweety would say: "You bad ol' puddy tat!" As Sylvester would say: "Sufferin' succotash!" Oh noes! It's the V of Doom! Get it outta here! Calm down, Sam. You know the Cloud Guy has no intention of scaring you to death. CLOUD GUY!!! You bellowed, Sam? Yes, I bellowed, Cloud Guy! Are you trying to scare me to death? I'm doing nothing of the kind! He's only human, Sam. Shut up, you ***! [Mike] Stop calling me an ***! You tell him, Mike! Don't defend a guy who's an out-and-out liar, you ***! [Mary] Stop calling me a ***! You and Mike accept the truth and be done with it! He's an *** and you're a ***! You hear me? Accept it! It's the truth! Truth truth truth truth truth! Stay calm, Mary. Sam's just being delusional. Keep your cool. Uh-oh! Tantrum coming on. Eee-yow-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w! Microsoft Sam, you know I'm not a *** and Mike's not an ***! Stop deluding yourself into thinking it's the truth when it isn't! You hear me? You *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***!! [BOOM!!] Mary! Are you all right? I hope you're not too shaken up. I'm okay. It's just that Sam's delusions just *** me off. I'm sorry, Mary, but that's just the way I am. I understand, Sam. Let her recover before you say anything more to her. If you don't mind, Sam, I'd like to get this The Simpsons intro started. Go to it, Cloud Guy! Oh noes! Not the B-Backwards N-D Mask of Guo Jiang! No no no no no no no no no no no no noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyes! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Microsoft Sam, I've come for your soul! You'll never take me alive! Never! If you want Sam, you'll have to get me first! Get away, interferer, or you'll get the pain I'm going to give Sam! That's far enough, Mask of Guo Jiang! Now you're going to get yours! Take that! [BOOM!!] Did you see that, Abby? Anna knocked the B-Backwards N-D Mask of Guo Jiang out with laser beams from her eyes! Well, that's one less scary logo to worry about! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! [Anna] You have nothing to worry about, Sam. The Mask will never bother you again. [Sam] That's a relief. A penguin? Does Doc McStuffins work for Gracie Films? No, he's with the Walter Lantz cartoon department at Universal. "Snospmis Eht?" Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! You got The Simpsons spelled backwards! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Uh-oh! Methinks I goofed again. Youthinks right, Cloud Guy. Let's try it again. "W-O-H-S N-A-M-L-L-U Y-E-C-A-R-T E-H-T?" That Cloud Guy's working with mirrors again. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Oh noes! Not again! Give me another chance, Sam! Well... all right. You talked me into it. Oops! I forgot the rest of the cartoon! Well, Cloud Guy, I don't have the rest of the cartoon with me. Well, isn't that rich! He got The Simpsons intro right and the "That's all Folks!" and he finds that Sam forgot to bring the cartoon with him! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Hey Cloud Guy, whatta you say we get a bite to eat for lunch? Great idea, Beulah. The tab's on me. [Anna] Beulah has the right idea. It's almost lunch time, Sam. Wanna come with me? [Sam] I'm with you, Anna. [Mike] Are you coming along, Mary? [Mary] Lead the way, Mike. As long as the Cloud Guy's buying for all of us. [Cloud Guy] Oh crotch! Places, everybody! Quiet on the set! We need to get The Simpsons intro right this time or Mr. Gracie will be furious! I am furious yellow. Not "curious," Cloud Guy... "furious." He means Mr. Gracie will be very angry. And you wouldn't like him when he's angry. Because when Mr. Gracie is angry, heads usually roll. I've never seen a person's head roll. I never hope to see one. But you know what's at stake here. You'd rather see one than be one. Hahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! Well, I might as well get The Simpsons intro started up. Is that the usual The Simpsons caption? All I know is that Sam said to bring the cloud in here. Yes, but it's the wrong The Simpsons intro. You said it, Abby. It's supposed to be the one from Season 13, not the classic Season 1 version. Look, Sam, The Simpsons caption is The Simpsons caption. If you want to get technical... I see your point, Cloud Guy. Hahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! What's so damn funny? What you said a while ago. "I am furious yellow!" Hahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! [Announcer] You can be sure... ...if it's Westinghouse. Westinghouse. They used to make great appliances years ago. Speak for yourself, LH Michael. I grew up in a General Electric family myself. CLOUD GUY!!! You bellowed, Sam? Yes, I bellowed, Cloud Guy! What did I tell you about commercial plugs in a Simpsons cartoon? Next time you do that, I'm telling Mr. Gracie on you! Sorry about that. I didn't know he was watching. CLOUD GUY, YO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-OU'RE FIRED!!! Fired!? Fired!? You can't do this to me, Sam! I'm filing a wrongful termination lawsuit against you! [Sam] It won't do you any good, Cloud Guy! I'll tell Mr. Gracie your ouster is justified! [Sam] Get out and stay out! [ZOOM] [CRASH!] Microsoft Sam! Are you out of what's left of your brains? Bring the Cloud Guy back here now! Never! And that's final! Don't you dare upset Beulah, Sam! You know she loves the Cloud Guy. Besides, who's going to operate the intros? Anybody can do better than that dime-a-dozen bum! [Speakonia Male 2] Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam. Do you realize you're making Mr. Gracie angry at you for firing the Cloud Guy without cause? [Speakonia Male 3] We can't operate the intros as effectively as he can. [Sam] Just do it! [Speakonia Male 3] Sheesh! And shush the sheesh! This isn't Republic Pictures. Mr. Gracie will have a royal fit if he saw this in a Simpsons cartoon! Get it right! Microsoft Anna speaking. who? Yes, he's here. It's for you, Sam. All right, what do you want? Who? Mr. Gracie? Bring back the Cloud Guy? But he keeps messing up The Simpsons intro! Don't you realize he keeps making an *** out of me? What? You wouldn't! Oh, you would. Okay, I'll do it. What did he say, Sam? Mr. Constructer says if I don't re-hire the Cloud Guy, he'll come over here and nail me to the caption. So, just bring him back. Yeah, Sam. There's no sense in hating him. They're right, Sam. No sense getting worked up over it. Remain calm. Uh-oh! Tantrum in five, four, three, two, one... NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP! I NEVER GET MY WAY AROUND HERE ANYMORE WITH THE BIG BOSS ON MY *** FOR FIRING THE CLOUD GUY! WELL I SAY THE CLOUD GUY'S A DIME-A-DOZEN BUM! YOU HEAR ME, MR. GRACIE? HE'S A BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM!! [BOOM!!] Sam? Sam? Are you all right? I'm okay. I just had to put my two cents in somehow. [Anna] There, there, Sam. I'll go and get the Cloud Guy for you. Do you want to continue trying to get The Simpsons introduction done right? You bet I do! Oh noes! Not the Klasky-Csupo Robot! He's even worse than that B-Backwards-N-D Mask of Guo Jiang! No no no no no no no no no no no no noooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyes! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Well, here we go again. Time to save Sam from yet another scary logo. Get away, interferer! Sam is mine and you can't have him! Stay away, you harlot! That is an insult! I am not a harlot! For this you're gonna get it! Take that! [BOOM!!] Thanks, Anna. You've saved my life again. You're welcome, Sam. It's a special power I acquired after I was abducted by aliens a few years ago. Anna was abducted by aliens and they gave her the power to fry out scary logos with her eyes? I didn't know that! Cloud Guy! You're back! I missed you! I missed you too. Right now I have a job to do. Oops! Methinks I goofed again! Youthinks right, Cloud Guy. However, I won't punish you this time because Mr. Gracie would impale me on the caption if I did. Sheesh! If he did that to you, I'd get worse treatment. I don't think so. He's just making sure Sam knows who's in charge. I couldn't have said it better. Mr. Gracie says don't worry about what happened during Sam's tantrum. He'll pay for the damage... ...out of Sam's salary. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Cheapskate! [BUZZER] Holy Schneikees! Look at the time! Five minutes before clocking-out time and we still haven't gotten it right. If we don't get The Simpsons intro right, Mr. Gracie says he'll take no prisoners! That means we only have one more chance! You said it, Cloud Guy! All right! We did it right! And with only two minutes to spare. See, Sam? I told you I'd get it right one of these days. [Anna] I knew we'd do it! I love you, Sam! [Sam] I love you too, Anna! [Beulah] It sure feels good knowing we've finally done something right. [Abby] I agree, Beulah. You know that old saying: "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again." [Cloud Guy] To think it took us 28 episodes to get The Simpsons intro right. [Mike] This calls for a celebration. [Mary] I agree. The biggest wrap party in the history of show biz. [Sam] With the Cloud Guy buying every round of drinks for the whole gang! Hahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! [Cloud Guy] Oh crotch!