Wanted: The Black Sponge Remade

"Wanted: The Black Sponge Remade", also known as "Crustacean Cumfest", is the ninth episode of the first season of Leader Plankton! Remade, and the ninth episode overall.
== Plot ==
Plankton recovers from Mr. Krabs' cum tsunami and comes to a revelation about Karen.
== Transcript ==
(The episode starts with a wide shot of Bikini Bottom covered in a dry, crusty substance not too dissimilar to vanilla ice cream. Hundreds of Bikini Bottomites are working on clearing the city, with President Snoop Dogg - in antique German military uniform - leading the mission.)
Snoop Dogg: (using a loudspeaker) All hail the third rizzle! Now let’s clean up all this jizzle!
(The Bikini Bottomites cheer loudly)
Fred Rechid: I’m not sure about the Nazi party, though.
(He is shot)
Fred: MY LEG!
Snoop Dogg: Heil Hizzle! (Performs the heil salute)
(Larry The Lobster is wiping away the mystery substance when he discovers something)
Larry: Hey, I found something! (Digs his hand deeper in the substance and pulls out a small green pill-shaped object) What the Hell is this?
Snoop Dogg: Why aren’t you working? 
Larry: President Dogg, what do you think this is?
Snoop Dogg: Looks like a pizzle to mizzle, my lizzle, let’s get bizzle.
Larry: A what?
Snoop Dogg: A pizzle!
Larryr: What the fuck is a pizzle?
Snoop Dogg: (Angry sigh) A PILL! A PILL, GOD DAMNIT! FUCKING HEIL! Uh, I mean, Hell.
Larry: Can I take this pill?
Snoop Dogg: Sure, why the fuck not? Get some jizzle in your mizzle, that’d be funny.
Larry: I always do that on Friday nights after the game’s on!
(The entire crowd gasp, and start to murmur to each other)
Fish: I thought he was homophobic, not homosexual!
Snoop Dogg: Send him to the boiling pot!
(Cut to Larry screaming as he is boiled alive)
(Cut back suddenly)
Snoop Dogg: Does anyone who is NOT gay want to eat this pill?
Karen: Well… if it’ll get Shelly off my back… I’m straight! I’ll take the pill!
Snoop Dogg: Ms. Plankton, you’re a compizzle, where do I even put this pizzle? 
Karen: In the USB drive. on my backside.
Snoop Dogg: Uh… Wouldn’t that make this pill a suppository?
Karen: No comment. 
Snoop Dogg: Well, if my guy Plankton is okay with it… Speaking of, where is the homie Sheldon?
Karen: I think he’s in the hospital recovering from the cum tsunami.
(Cut to an empty hospital bed, and then back to Bikini Bottom, where Snoop Dogg is opening a plate in Karen’s backside with a screwdriver and inserting the pill)
Snoop Dogg: Should be all done, Ms. Plankton. 
(A scream is heard inside Karen)
Snoop Dogg: What the hizzle is thizzle?
(The entire town watches in fear as a soaked Plankton crawls his way through Karen’s USB drive and falls on the floor)
Squidward: Bruh.
Mr. Krabs: What the hell is going on here?!
(Krabs picks up the cum-soaked Plankton in his claws, pinching him)
Plankton: You should know. (coughs cum) It’s YOUR jizz that got me into this mess!
Mr. Krabs: And how would you know? It’s not like anyone here knows me search history! Agagagaga–
Snoop Dogg: (pulls out a document from his pockets) It says here you searched for “Hot SpongeBob and Patrick Smelly Sweaty Balls Scooby Dooby Doo RUH ROH by Squidward Tentacles”... twice in one night.
Squidward: In his defense, he just looked at the porn! I was the one who made it!
Snoop Dogg: Bro… 
(Cut to Squidward being locked in jail and the cell doors slam on his aching tentacles)
Squidward: That’s one lesson for today. Never stick up for your boss. Well, now that I am here, I guess I could draw more pornography. Hmmmm… I am thinking of Krabs’ daughter…
(Cuts back)
Mr. Krabs: I have made a severe and continuous lapse in my judgment, and I ask sincerely for the forgiveness of the people of Bikini Bottom.
Harold: MY SON DROWNED IN YOUR FUCKING CUM, YOU RED-SHELLED BASTARD!
Mr. Krabs: (trying to stifle his laughter) Well.. I…
Mr. Krabs’ Lawyers: Eugene, I advise you to apologise to this young man.
Mr. Krabs: But–but– (he cracks up with laughter) AGAGAGAGAG! HE DROWNED IN CUM! How humiliating! Gosh, I didn’t know me swimmers were that powerful! Imagine all the people I got pregnant!
(Cuts to a row of 5 female fish in their third trimesters)
Female Fish #1: I think he’s kicking!
Female Fish #2: My water just broke.
Female Fish #3: I hope the crack cocaine didn’t affect my baby’s growth too much.
Female Fish #4: If only abortion was legal.
Female Fish #5: I fucking hate women.
Snoop Dogg: Listen, listen, let’s all calm down. First of all, ladies, I know you don’t want to have y’all’s babies right now, especially given they’ll grow up to have big meaty inbred claws, but it ain’t gonna happen since Jesus himself struck the clinic down. 
(The female fish groan sadly, except one who is literally fucking giving birth and being completely ignored)
Snoop Dogg: Now, Krabs, Plankton; I’m sure that both of you can give back to the community and earn the trust of Bikini Bottom again.
Plankton: WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO EARN IT?! I ALMOST FUCKING DROWNED IN THIS CRUSTACEAN CUMFEST!
(Laugh track plays)
Krabs: And why should I have to earn it, huh?! I thought you Nazi hippies were all about sex positivity! Don’t we have any peace and privacy in this town?
Patrick: No homo, we slippin’ on semen! (Patrick trips and falls to his death)
SpongeBob: Oh my God, Patrick, are you okay?
Mrs. Puff: No, SpongeBob, I’m not a gay! I have a girlfriend. (Gasps as she realizes what she just said) FUCK! I meant a girl, space, friend!
SpongeBob: I-I wasn’t talking to you, Mrs. Puff.
Mr. Krabs: AGAGAGAG! I knew you’d come clean sometime, Puffers!
Karen: (clearly agitated and traumatized, through gritted teeth) Don’t… tell… them… Puffy.
Ms. Puff: (breaks down in tears) I’m sorry, Karen, but I have to… Plankton, I want you to hear this first. 
Plankton: Bruh, I’m soaked in the cum of my worst enemy, I’ve been in hospital for as long as these ten bitches have had their children…
(A doctor saying “PUSH! PUSH!” is heard faintly in the background, following a baby’s crying)
Plankton: …and now my wife is having a lesbian affair with a pufferfish. How could my life get any worse? I. FUCKING. HATE. LESBIANS!
Mr. Krabs: L-l-lesbians?! I’m ‘bout to–
Plankton: NO! NO, KRABS, PLEASE HAVE MERCY!
Mr. Krabs: BUT! LESBIANS! (starks barking as his pants begin vibrating)
Snoop Dogg: Reporting all units… come to the city centre immediately with the most unattractive images possible… and AK-47s. 
(Army vehicles, including camo tanks, swerving planes and Bubble Buddy for some reason, all arrive swiftly, armed with machine guns and mobile phones with images of boring white dudes in business suits shaking hands)
Gary: (seductively) Meow…
SpongeBob: Gary! (picks him up) I know you love a man in uniform, but this is neither the time nor place! (they run away)
(The military surround Mr. Krabs, some pointing their guns at him as the music intensifies whilst some are showing him pictures of Kelpy G)
Mr. Krabs: HEY, NO FAIR! I AM GOING TOTALLY FLACCID LOOKING AT THAT!
(A slide whistle descending is heard in Krabs’ pants)
Snoop Dogg: Okay boys, now shoot!
(Three soldiers gather together and aim fire but before any bullets are shot, an angelic, holy voice is heard)
Mr. Krabs: Hooray! Mr. Obama is here to save the day once again! (Gets shocked with lightning)
Angelic Voice: Krabs, you are a degenerate who put his friends in danger for the sake of sexual pleasure. For once in this series, I have no sympathy.
Mr. Krabs: Aw.
Angelic Voice: Now, Plankton, I understand that it might be a shock to your system that your wife is a lesbian, but think about this: when you took that vow, on your wedding day, you pledged to make sure that the woman you cared about the most was always at her happiest, with or without you, in life or death.
Plankton: What, you thought I was talking about Karen? (Slaps knee and laughs hard before realizing no one else is laughing, so he awkwardly stops laughing and clears his throat)
Angelic Voice: Listen, Sheldon: if you love her like you said on that beautiful day, you’d want her to be at her best no matter what. And if that’s with her lesbian lover, that’s for you to respect and nourish, as someone has finally been able to make her happy.
Plankton: BUT WE’RE FUCKING MARRIED AND SHE’S CHEATING ON ME FOR SOME OTHER FUCKING BITCH! AND YOU EXPECT ME TO ACCEPT THAT?!
Angelic Voice: Nah, I’m just joshin’ you. Those scissoring bitches are going to Hell. I hate f[dolphin chirp]ts and lesbians.
(The entire town lets out a collective “WOAH!”)
Angelic Voice: You know who isn’t going to Hell? That gorgeous baby boy who was born just now. 
(He shines his light on one of the female fish who is holding her newborn child, who has Krabs’ antennae)
Angelic Voice: Tell me, woman: what is his name?
Female Fish #2: Jeff.
Angelic Voice: (chuckles to himself) Uh… okay. If that’s what (stifles laughter) you want… 
Krabs: Kirkburn’s penis is small.
Angelic Voice: Ain’t it? Now, back to your regularly scheduled propaganda: isn’t the miracle of childbirth just wonderful? This woman just birthed an entire human just now… with all of the chaos in the world, and the uncertainty that we face in this landscape, another life has been created and will flourish in the world that his parents have shaped for him! He is the future of our planet… and why would we want to take the euphoric feeling of putting that life out into the world away from our wonderful ladies? Abortion is a sin.
Plankton: Hey, now that you put it that way… maybe women should be able to have abortions. Sure, childbirth is miraculous, but we can choose to have miracles! And after all, it’s the woman going through the tough act of giving birth so she should be able to make the decision. I used to be pro-life, but thanks to your bullshit, Obama, I think that abortion should be legal everywhere as long as the fetus is not capable of feeling pain.
Angelic Voice: Bro… are you fucking serious? 
Flying Dutchman: The talking cum sock has a point, Obama!
Plankton: Aren’t you dead?
Flying Dutchman: Fuck you, greenie!
Plankton: You are literally also green.
Flying Dutchman: Yeah, but you’re dark green! I hate dark green people.
SpongeBob: Hey, aren’t all of us really green - on the inside?
Military Soldier: Sir Dogg, do I have permission to kill this centrist bastard?
Snoop Dogg: (smoking a blunt) What’s a centrist?
(Everyone has a hearty laugh as the camera zooms out to show the outskirts of Bikini Bottom as the episode fades to black; fade to the woman 10 years later, on a rocking chair reading a book, when Jeff walks up to her)
Jeff: Mommy, I have a question.
Mom: What is it, dear?
Jeff: Who’s my daddy?
(The mother’s eyes grow wide as the episode cuts to black, with Krabs’ laughter heard in the background)
== Trivia ==
* This episode actually has jack shit to do with Leader Plankton!
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