Ristarpg V: Skyrim

== Overview ==
Ristarpg V: Skyrim is the fifth Ristarpg game. It is widely renowned as the sexiest Ristarpg game. You play as Loud Ristar, the last Bearborn.
== Gameplay ==
Ristarpg V is an open world rpg using skill leveling based mechanics. It uses the widely enjoyed motion control mechanics, and is compatible with the Power Glove.
== Plot ==
The following is the script of the main storyline of the game. There are many side storylines and questlines not included, due to how many there are.
=== Opening cutscene ===
You wake up on a carriage one person sits to your right and two people sit in front of you.
Loud Ristar: Hey where am I?
Cheese Ristar: Hey you’re finally awake. You were trying to cross the border, weren’t you?  You were caught by that Imperial ambush. You and that horse thief over there.
Loud Ristar: Man I was just walking and doing my taxes
Horse Thief: Hey got any horses?
Loud Ristar: ...no?
Horse Thief: We’ll see about that
Loud Ristar: What?
Cheese Ristar: We’re reaching Helgen
Horse Thief: Hey they have horses
You get off the carriage and walk over to the execution block
Axe Boi: Okay time for you to die now
A bear proceeds to jump on top of the watchtower Loud Ristar is looking at
Bear: Roar!
Bread Ristar: Is that a bear?
Axe Boi: Run away!
Horse Thief: Hey that isn’t a horse!
Cheese Ristar: Welp time to leave
Bread Ristar: Hey you prisoner!
Loud Ristar: Yeah wuzzup?
Bread Ristar: Come with me if you want to live!
Loud Ristar: Okay then Schwarzenegger Ristar
Bread Ristar: HOW DID YOU I mean no I am Bread Ristar
Loud Ristar: Whatever you say
=== After escaping Helgen ===
Bread Ristar: Okay we are freed from that bear
Loud Ristar: What’s the big deal about there being a bear?
Bread Ristar: Bears have been dead for centuries! They are the perfect being born from the highest of the Divines. But now, to see a bear in Helgen…
Loud Ristar: Yeah I don’t really pay attention to current events
Bread Ristar: You must get to Whiterun and tell the Carl!
Loud Ristar: The what now?
After heading to the Carl of Whiterun
Loud Ristar: Hey are you the Jarl of Whiterun?
Carl of Whiterun: I am Carl yes
Loud Ristar: Okay well there is a bear in Helgen
Carl of Whiterun: Oh no! You must retrieve the bearstone!
Loud Ristar: What?
=== After collecting the bearstone ===
Loud Ristar: Okay wow that was tough. Did you know there are zombies? And dragons. Zombies and dragons. Lots of them. Also, there were giant spiders. Giant. Spiders.
Carl of Whiterun: But were there any bears?
Loud Ristar: ...no. There were no bears.
Carl of Whiterun: Okay good. I would freak out if I heard there was a bear nearby.
Guard: Sir, there is a bear nearby!
Carl of Whiterun: OH BOY I’M FREAKING OUT! GO TAKE CARE OF IT!
Guard: Yes, sir!
Carl of Whiterun: NOT YOU, THE NEW GUY!
Loud Ristar: What
=== After killing the bear outside Whiterun ===
Loud Ristar absorbs the bear’s soul
Guard: Could it be?
Guard 2: Bearborn!
Loud Ristar: What the hell just happened?
Guard: You are a bearborn! A man able to roar like a bear!
Loud Ristar: No, I’m pretty sure I’m just loud
Guard 2: Just like the legends say!
Loud Ristar: Really though, I’m not a bearborn
Guard 3: You are truly a bearborn!
Loud Ristar: Seriously, I’m not
Guard 4: Bearborn!
Loud Ristar: You guys are really mean
=== When returning to Whiterun ===
Cultist: Hey you!
Loud Ristar: Yeah?
Cultist: You are the fake bearborn and you will die now!
Loud Ristar: No, I’m really not
Cultist: Oh, okay. Mind if I follow you around to find the real fake bearborn?
Loud Ristar: Yes
Cultist: Okay cool!
Guard: Hey! No cultists in the city!
Guard 2: You’re gonna have to leave here!
Cultist: Darn! Well, come on fake fake bearborn!
Loud Ristar: Why am I doing this
Guard 2: And take Guard 3 with you to make sure you don’t come back!
Guard 3: Aw why me?
Guard 2: Because you haven’t taken your turn participating in this dialog yet!
Guard 3: Darn! Well, come on cultist!
Cultist: Come on fake fake bearborn!
Loud Ristar: …
=== After reaching High Hrothgar ===
Greybeard: Bearborn! You have come!
Cultist: Bearborn? Where?
Loud Ristar: Nowhere. Let’s keep going.
Greybeard: Wait! You can’t go there without shouting the wind away!
Loud Ristar: WIND B-GONE!
The wind b-goes away
Greybeard: You truly are a bearborn!
Loud Ristar: No I’m not!
=== After reaching the Throat of the World ===
Paarthurnax: Bearborn, you have come!
Guard 3: It’s a bear!
Cultist: Get it!
Loud Ristar: No guys wait
Guard 3: Slay the bear!
Cultist: In the name of the true bearborn!
Paarthurnax: Hold on do you wanna learn how to shout fire?
Cultist: Yes please
=== After your party learns the fire roar ===
Loud Ristar: Well that was fun
Cultist: Let’s go do some stealing!
Guard 3: Now hold on one diddly darn second!
Suddenly, a red flash of light appears in the sky, and a blue figure emerges from it
???: Damn, I was so close!
Loud Ristar: Who dis?
???: I don’t know, let me come up with a new name for myself
Loud Ristar: What are you talking about?
???: I was so close to actually conquering an entire universe, but then I was killed
Cultist: If you died then how are you here?
???: Whenever I die, the universe I am in ends. If there are no universes left, I can shape one in my image. Unfortunately, due to my original plans failing long ago, a new universe was created, so I tried to conquer that one instead. I died there, and since this universe already exists, I was sent here.
Guard 3: That’s a lot of exposition!
Cultist: Good thing we listened to it all and didn’t zone out
Guard 3: Yeah! That would mean we’d skip out on important information!
Loud Ristar: So have you decided on a new name?
???: I think I have
Loud Ristar: So what is it?
???: I think I’ll go with Bodacious Blue Ristar
Cultist: Your name is dumb
Bodacious Blue Ristar: Your face is dumb!
Bodacious Blue Ristar snaps his fingers and the party is sent to Ghost Town
Cultist: Oh no, did we die?
Guard 3: We don’t feel like ghosts…
Loud Ristar: It doesn’t seem like anyone is around. The whole place looks like it’s been leveled to the ground.
A mysterious figure emerges from the rubble
???: That’s because it was destroyed by the timeline split. Even Lukemia Larry’s ghost’s ghost was destroyed.
Loud Ristar: If everything was destroyed, then how come you’re still here?
???: I have been here from the beginning, and I will be here until the end
Cultist: Yeah but who are you tho?
???: I am Mel Gibson, lord of that which has been forgotten to time
Cultist: Sounds like something pretty shitty to be the lord of
Mel: Oh it is
Guard 3: So how do we leave?
Mel: You must perform the massive honk in order to travel to a different plane of existence unprovoked
Loud Ristar: How do we do it?
Mel: Only a clown or a true bearborn can perform the massive honk
Loud Ristar: I guess we’re stuck here then
Mel: No, there is one here who can use the massive honk… you!
Guard 3: Me?
Mel: Yes! You have clown in your bloodline!
Cultist: Lucky!
Guard 3: Well, here it goes…
Mel: Brace yourselves
Guard 3: HONKITY HONK
=== After the massive honk is performed ===
The party, along with Mel Gibson, arrives at the Throat of the World. Paarthurnax isn’t there, as he is off buying groceries.
Guard 3: Hey I did it!
Mel: Yes, you did. Now it is time for me to go…
Loud Ristar: Wait! How do we defeat Bodacious Blue Ristar?
Mel: Bodacious Blue Ristar is the reincarnation of Radical Red Ristar, whose sole weakness was science. Unfortunately, the only individual capable of creating science was lost to the second universe’s destruction.
Loud Ristar: So we’ll need to figure out some new way to create science
Cultist: Why don’t we try to look for a science spell?
Mel: If you are looking for a spell, I would recommend the college of Winterhold
Mel Gibson disappears
Cultist: Well I guess it’s off to college
Guard 3: I’m gonna get so much magics with my clown blood
=== After reaching the college of Winterhold ===
Cultist: Oh boy we’re at the college!
Mage: Halt! No entering the college!
Loud Ristar: Why tho
Mage: We’re doing our midterm assessments
Loud Ristar: We need to learn a science spell
Mage: I’ve never heard of a science spell
Guard 3: Darn! Looks like we don’t have any leads
Loud Ristar: I demand to speak with the arch mage
Mage: Well okay then
The mage fetches the arch mage
Pliny the Elder: Hello I am the arch mage Pliny the Elder
Cultist: We need a spell that can do science!
Pliny the Elder: I’ve done many things in my lifetime. Invent barrels, discover beryllium, become the arch mage to the mage’s college. Doing science is not one of those things.
Loud Ristar: Then where can we find science?
Pliny the Elder: I’m afraid that science does not exist on this plane of existence. You will need to contact a higher being to attain science.
In a blue flash of light, Bodacious Blue Ristar appears
Bodacious Blue Ristar: Hey are you trying to kill me
Cultist: Yeah lol
Bodacious Blue Ristar; Ooh that makes me so angry ooh I’m gonna kill you now ooh
Loud Ristar: Not if we have anything to say about it!
Bodacious Blue Ristar: Ooh I’m totally gonna kill you ooh
Loud Ristar: All together now! Fire roar!
Cultist: FIREYBLAM
Guard 3: FLABLAMO
Loud Ristar: FLOOSHBLOOSH
Cultist: FLIMBLY FLAM
Guard 3: FLURBLURB
Loud Ristar: FIRE
Bodacious Blue Ristar: Oh no it’s so much fire
Cultist: It’s working!
Bodacious Blue Ristar: It doesn’t hurt or anything but it’s really annoying
Cultist: It’s kind of working!
Bodacious Blue Ristar: Y’all are annoying I’m leaving
Bodacious Blue Ristar time travels away
Guard 3: We’ll get him next time!
Pliny the Elder: Actually, since he time travelled away, there’s no telling where or when he’ll appear
Guard 3: Darn
Suddenly, in a yellow flash of light, Feel appears
Feel: Hey have you guys seen a red guy anywhere?
Loud Ristar: No, but we did see a blue guy
Feel: He’s probably not the guy I’m looking for
Feel time travels away
Loud Ristar: Well we still need to find some science to defeat Bodacious Blue Ristar
Pliny the Elder: The thieves guild might have stolen some
Cultist: Off to Riften then
=== After arriving at Riften ===
Loud Ristar: Hey what’s that noise?
???: My milkshake brings all the lads into the courtyard. They’re like, “It’s better than yours”. Jehova, it’s better than yours. I can teach you, better check with the priest.
Guard 3: Hey who are you
???: Oh noes
??? disappears
Guard 3: Well that was weird
Thief: Hey you guys wanna help plant false evidence on someone?
Guard 3: StOp YoU hAvE vIoLaTeD tHe LaW
Thief: Oh noes
Thief escapes into the ratway
Guard 3: Get him!
The party enters the ratway
Guard 3: We have you now!
Cultist: Where is your science?
Thief: Only the master thief knows where the science is!
Master Thief: Did someone say my name?
Loud Ristar: Hey where is the science?
Master Thief: Ha! Did you really think you could just waltz in here and have me tell you where the science is? I am the Master Thief! I’ve been to hell and back! I’ve stolen from every demon there is!
Cultist: Yeah but we’re not demons
Master Thief: Oh noes I have been defeated
Loud Ristar: Where is the science?
Master Thief: There is no science left, you must use an elder scroll to get some from the past
Cultist: Well shit
=== After entering Blackreach ===
Dwarven Centurion: Halt!
Guard 3: No u
Dwarven Centurion: Dangit
The Dwarven Centurion halts
Cultist: Haha nice
Guard 3: Thanks
Cultist: No problem bro
Loud Ristar: Let’s get that elder scroll
Dwarven Centurion: Wait, you can’t get the elder scroll
Loud Ristar: Why not?
Dwarven Centurion: It was taken by Bodacious Blue Ristar
Bodacious Blue Ristar appears from a flash of blue light
Bodacious Blue Ristar: That’s right I did! And I used it to learn how to end this timeline and start a new one!
Cultist: How would you go about doing that?
Bodacious Blue Ristar: All I have to do is kill all the Ristars! That way all the Ristar energy will be put into me and I can reshape the timeline!
Cultist: Well if you aren’t using the elder scroll anymore can I see it?
Bodacious Blue Ristar: I don’t see why not
Bodacious Blue Ristar gives Cultist the elder scroll. Cultist then uses the elder scroll.
Bodacious Blue Ristar: Oh noes how did I not see this coming
Loud Ristar: You have very poor foresight
Cultist: I have learned the knowledge of the sciences
Bodacious Blue Ristar: My one weakness!
Cultist: I have evolved into Science Cultist
Guard 3: Bodacious Blue Ristar, you are under arrest for illegal time travel
Loud Ristar: I’m gonna yell at you
Bodacious Blue Ristar: Oh noes I am surrounded
Science Cultist: Take this!
Science Cultist uses their knowledge of science to create science magic, then blast it at Bodacious Blue Ristar
Bodacious Blue Ristar: OH NOOEESSS oh wait that didn’t hurt at all
Science Cultist: Aw what this is bullshit
Bodacious Blue Ristar: Hahaha I have an new weakness now that even I don’t know about
Loud Ristar: Guard 3, it’s your turn!
Guard 3: Bodacious Blue Ristar, you are under arrest for illegal use of time travel
Bodacious Blue Ristar: Oh noes being arrested is my one weakness!
The courier runs up to Guard 3
Courier: I have a letter for you. Your hands only.
Courier gives Guard 3 the letter
Courier: Looks like that’s it. Got to go.
The courier leaves
Guard 3: It says I’ve been fired
Science Cultist: Dope
Science Cultist uses his science powers to make methamphetamine
Science Cultist: No guards around to stop me
Guard 3: Dangit
Bodacious Blue Ristar: Looks like you’re all out of people who can arrest me
Suddenly, in a yellow flash of light, Feel appears
Bodacious Blue Ristar: Aw shit it’s Feel
Feel: That’s right bitch I’m Feel and I’m here to stop you
Feel uses his reality warping abilities to turn himself into a cop
Feel: Radical Red Ristar, you are under arrest for illegal use of time travel
Bodacious Blue Ristar: Actually I’m Bodacious Blue Ristar now
Feel: I don’t care
Bodacious Blue Ristar: Oh noes I am being arrested
Feel teleports himself, Bodacious Blue Ristar, and the party to Space Prison
Feel: You are in space prison now
Bodacious Blue Ristar: Curses! And I would have gotten away with it too if it weren’t for you meddling kids and your time traveling reality warping assistant
Science Cultist: Hey how come I’m in prison?
Feel: You used an elder scroll to illegally time travel
Science Cultist: Oh yeah I did didn’t I
Feel: Also you made meth. Also I hired Guard 3 to work here as a space guard
Space Guard 3: Sweet
Loud Ristar: And what about me?
Feel: You gotta go stop Alduin
Loud Ristar: Who?
Feel: The guy who’s been bringing all the bears back and is also trying to destroy the world
Loud Ristar: Oh yeah I forgot about the bear crisis
Feel teleports Loud Ristar to the Throat of the World. Paarthurnax is dead and Alduin is standing in triumph.
Alduin: Hey bearborn! I just killed your bear friend!
Loud Ristar: That was rude
Alduin: Now I’m gonna kill you and destroy the world!
Loud Ristar: Not if I kill you first!
Alduin: And what are you gonna do?
Loud Ristar: Kill you
Aduin: Oh
Loud Ristar: YOUR FACE IS DUMB
Alduin: Oh noes I have been defeated
Alduin dies
Loud Ristar: Welp time to conquer Skyrim with an army of bears
== Trivia ==
* Mel Gibson being the lord of that which has been forgotten to time is a reference to Ristar the one with mel gibson and it being scrapped
* Guard 3 is Clownboy's descendant, explaining why he had clown blood and could perform the massive honk
* Loud RIstar canonically conquers all of Skyrim after the end of the main plotline
* It is unknown if this affects the nearby country of Manhattan
* Space Prison is recognized as the official prison of space in the Ristar universe
* 12 purple ducks can be found in Skyrim
* A 13th purple duck can be found in Solstheim
* Bodacious Blue Ristar is technically unkillable, as being arrested doesn't kill him
Category:Games