Hide 'n' Tiki

The second chapter of Total Drama: Tiki Jungle, posted on January 10, 2011. The 16 contestants scour the jungle to catch elusive, mysterious "Tiki Gods," then pick and name their teams.
==Story==
"Last time on Total Drama Tiki, Tiki Jungle," says Chris, "The sixteen campers met each other! For some, it wasn't the first time, for there were eight veterans from Total Drama School! Some of them were treated warmly, while others... not so much. Today, we're going to watch them compete in their first challenge!"
All 16 campers are standing on the dock. Gary whispers to Carson, "What do we do now?"
Carson shrugs.
"Should I tell you what you do now?" asks Chris.
"Yeah, Chrissy!" says Elena.
Chrissy glances at her.
"I meant Chris." says Elena. "I'm just flirting with him."
"All right, then." says Chris shakily. "Your first challenge is today!" Everyone groans. "Yeah, I know. Aren't you excited?"
"Nope." says Gary.
"Well, you should be," continues Chris, "Tiki Island is known to have some restless deities. The two worst ones are Sneaki and Freaki, the Tiki Gods. Every year, they demand a sacrifice of sixteen children. We usually give them monkeys or goats." Chris chuckles. "Well, lucky for you, today's the day they're expecting sixteen kids. So, if you don't want to get thrown into ol' Bessie--" he points to the volcano, "You might want to capture the tikis. The first two campers who bring the gods back get to pick teams. Then, we'll have a small tie-breaker to see which team will be facing elimination. You guys might want to split up into groups to get your prey. But remember, they're very grouchy today. Here's some sacks to put the gods in." He hands each contestant a sack. "Those will be quite useful. Well... see ya!" He runs into the jungle. "BE CAREFUL!" he yells.
"Wanna go together?" Elena asks Meg.
"Sure." says Meg. "I hope we can be good friends." The girls walk into the jungle, but Manty catches up to him.
"Hey, ladies." says Manty. He makes a strange clicking noise with his mouth. "Ya mind if I come with?"
"Yes." says Meg grouchily.
"Um, who asked you?" asks Manty. He then hugs Meg.
"Didn't I tell you not to do that?" says Meg angrily.
"Yeah, you're not even cute!" says Elena.
Manty tears up. "Just... let... me... come... with!" he blubbers.
"You'll never get a girlfriend if you act like that." says Elena.
"You can come with, but you can't talk." says Meg. "At. ALL."
Manty nods, and puts his arms around the girls. They all walk into the jungle.
Carson is talking to Devin and Gary. "I'm guessing we'll continue the Brothas thing, right?" he asks.
"Yeah, dawg." says Devin. "We's always tight, G."
"I hope we're all on the same team," says Gary.
"Me too," says Carson. "So, any girls you guys are thinking about?"
"Yeah," says Gary. "Still Meg. I'm faithful."
"You should stop," says Carson.
"Yeah, she don' like you, G!" says Devin.
"All right, then who do you like, Mr. Gangsta?" says Gary.
"Dat new shawty, Chrissy." says Devin proudly. "She makes me go like, mmm."
"She's pretty hot," says Carson, "But she could probably kill me. So, I don't like her."
"Wha' 'bout you, dawg?" asks Devin.
"Still Amanda." says Carson. "I'm gonna ask her out today."
"WHAT?" screams Gary.
"Why are you so afraid?" says Carson.
"Dude, she hates you!" says Gary. "Her hatred level towards you is over 9000!"
"Yeah, I guess." says Carson. "I just thought--"
Devin gives Carson a pat on the back. "It's okay, G. You's gon' get someone, brotha."
Carson nods sullenly. Suddenly, a person with a tiki mask and a skirt made of leaves on without a shirt grabs Carson and runs away.
"Dude, that was the tiki!" says Gary.
"We missed our chance, yo." says Devin.
"And our brotha." says Gary.
"Shoul' we follow it, yo?" asks Devin.
"Sure." says Gary.
"Okay, homes!" The two run into the jungle with their sacks, but a toucan poops on Devin.
"Darn it, yo!" says Devin. "My hat, brotha! It's ruined!"
Gary laughs.
Meanwhile, Arthur is lying on the sand. Julia walks up to him.
"What?" says Julia angrily. "You so fat ya can't get up?"
"Nooooo." says Arthur. "I don't want to get up. Please carry meeee."
"How much do ya weigh?" asks Julia. "Like, 1,000 pounds?"
"I'm only 205." groans Arthur.
"Dude, that's not morbidly obese. Now shut up, and let's go." snaps Julia.
"Carry meeee." groans Arthur again.
"Fine." snaps Julia. "Get up."
Arthur gets up, and jumps on Julia's back. Julia instantly falls on the ground. "I'm only 105!" she shrieks.
"Wow, you're skiiiiinny." says Arthur. "Unlike I am, because I'm morbidly obeeeese. Now, let me carry you!"
"Eew," says Julia, "I'm not gettin' on your big flabby back!"
"My back is not flabby, it is actually quite strong." says Arthur. He hoists Julia up, and carries her into the jungle.
"Wow, your back is strong." says Julia. "But I still hate you."
Trey is walking along in the jungle. Octavia and Amanda run up to him.
"Hi, Trey!" says Octavia. "Can we come with you?"
"Sure, ladies." says Trey. "Anything's fine."
"Thank you, Trey." says Amanda. She holds out the "y" for a long time.
"Would you girls like to be carried?" asks Trey.
"Sure." says Octavia. She then shrieks. A tiki god is creeping up behind them, grabs Amanda and Trey, and stuffs them into a sack.
Arthur and Julia see the tiki god run away with a large sack. "More people got captured, huh?" asks Julia.
Octavia walks out of the jungle. "Oh, the pain! My two beautiful comrades were stolen away by a large wooden man!" She begins to cry.
"Don't worry, actress girl." says Julia. "We'll bring ya with. Arthur, get lost."
"Noooooo." says Arthur.
"Yes." says Julia. "Now scram, before I kick you in the unmentionables."
Arthur picks up a rock on the ground. "I'll give you this coolly-shaped rock if you let me stay." he says.
"Wow, it is cool." says Julia. "Sure, idiot. But don't be annoying, or any morbidly obese stuff."
"Fine," says Arthur. "But you know, I'm only helping you."
"Yeah, sure." says Julia.
In a different part of the jungle, Chrissy is walking alone. She bumps into Nic.
"What do you want, punk?" asks Chrissy.
"You, my sweet flower." says Nic.
"Well, too bad." says Chrissy. "But, you might be valuable as a human shield for when this tiki comes. But I still hate you. Bye."
"All right, my pretty." says Nic. "Now, I must plot the downfall of everyone else. I will be right back." He trips on a tree stump and lands in mud.
"Aw, crap!" he says.
"So much for being bad." says Chrissy. She then leaves.
Nic swears under his breath.
Sharissa and Helga are pacing about. "Hey, Helgs." says Sharissa.
Helga utters a "Hmph!" and continues walking.
"Listen, Helga." says Sharissa. "I know I was a little rude to you last season, but that doesn't mean I have to be mean this season. So can we just get along and get that tiki?"
Helga utters another "Hmph!" and leaves. She is immediately captured by a tiki.
"That's what ya get when ya don't follow me." mutters Sharissa. She then chuckles and bumps into Chrissy.
"I ditched Nic," says Chrissy.
"Good job, sis." says Sharissa. "Ya wanna stick together?"
"Sure thing." says Chrissy. "Although, I must admit that I'm a bit intimidated by your size."
"You? You're so tough!" says Sharissa. "Well, I must admit that everyone's afraid of something."
"Yeah, I guess." says Chrissy. "Let's go."
Meanwhile, Meg, Elena and Manty are still trying to find the tikis. Manty still has his arms around the two girls.
"You've been cuddling us for more than an hour," says Meg. "Can't you put your big beefy arms around someone else?"
"Yeah, dude. I don't really like you." says Elena.
"Well, I love you." says Manty. He then hugs Elena.
"Eww, gross!" shrieks Elena. "Did you just make your moves on me? I usually hug the boys, they don't hug me!"
"Yup." grins Manty.
Meg kicks a mud puddle at Manty. It hits his shoes and turns them brown and dirty.
"My shoes!" says Manty. "How could you?"
"Sorry, I just had to do it." says Meg. Elena laughs.
Manty runs away. "Gotta find a lake!" he cries.
"Good job," says Elena. "I think you're pretty cool."
"Me too." says Meg. The two girls hug. "Now, what's that stepping noise behind me?"
"I think it's a tiki." says Elena. She then turns around and says calmly, "Yup. Two tikis."
Meg and Elena stuff the tikis into sacks and run back to the shore.
"Welcome, girls!" says Chris. "Looks like you two got the tikis first, eh?"
The two girls nod.
Chris chuckles. "That means you'll be picking teams against each other!"
"Aw, seriously?" says Elena.
"Don't worry, we'll probably make the merge together." says Meg.
"Now, you just have to wait until the rest arrive!" says Chris.
Later, everyone else arrives.
"Finally!" says Chris. "Elena, you can pick your first member."
"Julia." says Elena, and Julia walks up to Elena. "Please don't pick Arthur," she whispers.
"Chrissy." says Meg.
"Good job, sister." says Chrissy, and fist-bumps Meg.
"I pick... what's your name, the tall girl." says Elena.
Sharissa walks over to Elena. "You're pretty tall too." she says. "I like that."
"I pick..." says Meg. She is about to pick someone else, but then sees Gary crossing his fingers. "Gary."
"YES!" says Gary. "Woot! Thank you, Meg." He begins to dance.
"Amanda." says Elena.
"And why did you do that?" asks Amanda.
"I felt like we needed an antagonist on our team." Elena responds.
"Octavia." picks Meg.
Octavia leaps over to Meg's team. "Thank you, my comrade!" she says dramatically.
"Sure." says Meg strangely.
"Carson." says Elena. "You won last time, so I think you'd be a good asset."
Carson hops over to Elena's team. "Thanks, girl." he says. "Hey, you're kinda hot."
"Um... Thanks." says Elena.
"Arthur." says Meg.
"THANK GOD!" yells Julia. Everyone else stares. Arthur waddles over to Meg.
"Devin." says Elena.
"Yo, girl, ya made th' righ' choice, shawty!" says Devin. "You's gon' be th' best team captain ever, word!"
"Please don't make me regret that." says Elena.
"Trey." says Meg. Octavia jumps into the air and whoops for joy.
"Nic." says Elena. "I don't want Helga or creepy Manty, so you're my best choice."
"My beauty, you shine like a wildflower in the sunset." says Nic. "Thank you."
"Do I really have to choose between these two?" says Meg, and looks at Helga and Manty. "I'll take 'em both."
"All right, that ends the team picking!" says Chris.
"Wait, the teams aren't even." says Carson.
"Oh yeah." laughs Chris. "You guys ready to unmask your tikis? Do it, now!"
Meg takes the mask off of her tiki and it's an intern. "Sup, man." says the intern. He walks away to the Raft of Losers, and then leaves.
"Elena," says Chris and chuckles, "Time to unmask yours."
Elena takes off the mask of the tiki.
"ALEX?!?" shrieks Sharissa.
Sure enough, the tiki is actually Alex. He whips his hair back and forth and says groggily, "Hey, Chris. Can I be on their team?"
"Yep. Alex is your eighth member of the team!" says Chris. Sharissa bear-hugs him. He then falls asleep.
"So, now it's time to pick the team names. Team 1, you're up first." says Chris.
Elena looks around, then sees a tiki statue and Alex's tiki mask. "The Terrible Tikis." she says.
"All right," says Chris. "Your team name is the Terrible Tikis. Sounds good. Team 2, what's your name?"
Meg is about to say something, but is interrupted by Gary, who says, "Over 9000!!!"
"All right, your team name is Over Nine Thousand." says Chris.
Team Over Nine Thousand groans, and Gary gets some menacing stares.
"Now, for the tiebreaker challenge. Chef will judge the team names. The name he likes better wins invincibility. The other team has to vote out a player." says Chris.
Chef comes out of the Raft of Losers. "Hey, guys," he grumbles. "I love tikis, so the Terrible Tikis has a nice ring to it. As for Over Nine Thousand... I don't even know what that means. The Terrible Tikis win invincibility!"
The Terrible Tikis cheer, and Elena says, "This team is looking to be great already!"
"And Over Nine Thousand..." says Chef dramatically. "You're facin' elimination."
Meg and Chrissy groan.
Later, Chris leads the two teams to some huts on the beach. One hut looks significantly cleaner and nicer than the other. "These are your cabins!" he says. "Don't they look good?"
"One of them." says Trey.
"Yep. That one is where the Tikis will sleep tonight, since they won the challenge." says Chris. "Over Nine Thousand, on the other hand, will have to sleep in the crappy cabin! But, you can change that if you win the next challenge. Now, go vote out a player."
In the Over Nine Thousand cabin, Meg and Chrissy are discussing who to eliminate. Manty is hanging about, too.
"Ever watched Nebraska Shore?" asks Manty. "That show is so epic."
"That show is pathetic." says Chrissy. "My five year old cousin watches shows better than that."
"Guys, we're straying from the topic." says Meg. "Who should we vote out?"
"Well, it better not be me." says Manty coolly. "I'm the best asset to our team, and I'm also such a hot stud. So please, don't vote me out." He hugs both of the girls, then leaves.
Chrissy heads towards the confessional.
"What're you doing?" asks Meg.
"Voting him out." says Chrissy.
"Can I come with?"
"Please."
Chrissy says in the confessional, "That Manty kid is so annoying. I don't even know him very well, but anyone who thinks he's that cool usually isn't."
Manty says in the confessional, while examining his shoes, "My shoes. My beautiful, beautiful shoes. You know I had to pay for these with my own money? And now they're ruined. Ruiiiiiined!" He begins to sob.
Later at night, Chris leads Over Nine Thousand to a campfire. "We're going back to marshmallows and the campfire ceremony, like good ol' TDI." says Chris. "If you do not receive a marshmallow, you must immediately take the Path of Shame, and catch the Raft of Losers. And you can't come back, ever."
"Wait, you said that last season and Devin and Sharissa both returned." says Gary.
"I'm serious this time," says Chris. "The first marshmallow goes to Meg, the captain of the team."
"Awesome," says Meg, and gets her marshmallow.
"Gary," says Chris, and Gary says, "What good is Over Nine Thousand without me? Thank you."
"Chrissy." says Chris. Chrissy gets her marshmallow.
"Trey, and Octavia." says Chris. The two get their marshmallows.
"Helga, you're safe." says Chris. Helga gets a marshmallow, while carrying a book called "The 176 Clues."
"Gentlemen, this is the final marshmallow of the night."
"Just give it to me already!" says Manty. Arthur glares at him.
"The final marshmallow goes to..."
"...Arthur."
"Yepperoo!" says Arthur. He waddles back to camp.
"You losers just voted me off?" says Manty. "First, a girl says I'm not cute, then my shoes get all dirty, then I'm put on a team with a crappy team name, and now I'm voted out first? You guys all just went way down on the popularity meter!"
"Nobody cares about popularity." says Chrissy. "You were just really annoying, so me and Meg voted you off."
"Aw, shut up, you idiot!" says Manty. "Meg, can I have a hug before I go?"
"Nope." says Meg. "Bye."
"Fine." says Manty. He struts to the Raft of Losers, and floats away.
Later, Meg and Chrissy are conferencing in their cabin.
"Y'know, I sort of felt sorry for the kid," says Chrissy. "He's just so obsessed with being popular. He'll probably drop out of high school, never get married, and end up working at some fast-food chain."
"He goes to my school," says Meg. "He's really a pain."
"Yeah, I guess." says Chrissy. She hugs Meg, and says, "Good night." She then falls asleep.
Chris is outside of the cabins. "Who will win? Who will fail? Why does Nic think he's so bad? And will Arthur and Julia ever stop arguing, now that they're on different teams? Find out next week on Total... Drama... Tiki, Tiki Jungle!"