An Awesome Tragedy - Part 2

"An Awesome Tragedy - Part 2" is an episode of Mr. Character's Awesome House. In this episode, Mr. Character lives on the streets, but then he gets a great idea!
==Transcript==
The people at mXD would like you to know we did not make the next program. We haven't even seen it.
Narrator: Previously on Mr. Character’s Awesome House…
(Mr. Character is sat on the couch with Patrick and SpongeBob (who also live at the awesome house at this point in the series))
Patrick: We sure have had a lot of great memories at this awesome house™.
Mr. Character: Yeah it would be a shame if this house were to burn down or something. Thank god that is not going to happen. (SpongeBob and Patrick stare blankly at him) What?
(at the awesome house Patrick is using the computer)
Patrick: Ooh, “click here for free Among Us GIFs.” (clicks) “Enter your credit card details” what could possibly go wrong? (he enters his details and the computer suddenly ends up in flames) Oh (censor bleep)! Oh (censor bleep)! Oh god! Oh no no no no no no!
Patrick: Come on SpongeBob! (SpongeBob inhales all of the flames and tries to keep them all in his mouth, he turns bright red with smoke coming out of his pores)
Mrs. Character: What’s going on?
Patrick: Uhh nothing…
Mrs. Character: Patrick I could see the fire from outside the house. (the fire comes out of SpongeBob’s mouth, the whole house explodes and SpongeBob, Patrick, and Mrs. Character are thrown out of the house)
Mr. Character: I haven't felt that powerful since I got to decide which ant lives and which ant dies.
(silly gag I stole from Family Guy)
Mr. Character: You shall battle to the death, and the winner will be given his freedom! Why are you looking at me like that?
Mrs. Character: Mr. Character, would you like a glass of- (sees a decapitated Mr. Character) OH MY GOD! I TOLD YOU NOT TO PLAY GOD WITH THOSE ANTS!
(end of silly gag I stole from Family Guy)
(Mr. Character tries to sit in his chair but his chair is no longer there and he falls on his butt)
Mr. Character: (realizes that his house has burned down) ...WHAT HAPPENED TO THE HOUSE?!
Patrick: Is it really that noticeable?
(theme song)
It seems today
That all you see
Is Meme World Movies
And Spongbob stories
But where are those good old fashioned values?
On which we used to rely
LUCKY THERE'S AN AWESOME HOUSE-
Mr. Character: NO THERE ISN’T! WHAT HAPPENED TO THE HOUSE?!
Patrick: Well uh, there was a fly that flew into the house. I tried to catch them but then I had no choice but to use my flamethrower-. Let me start again, there was an arsonist-.
SpongeBob: The horny (censor bleep) downloaded a virus while looking for Among Us sex GIFs.
Patrick: But only because the arsonist told me to-
SpongeBob: There was no arsonist.
(Mr. Character and literally everyone else are speaking to a woman in an office)
Narrator: Mr. Character’s Sad Homeless Shelter is filmed in front of a live studio audience.
Mr. Character: Come on, you must have a house somewhere!
Woman: I’m sorry, we have nothing for you.
Mr. Character: What if I told you I have a kid?
Woman: Do you have a kid?
Mr. Character: YES!
Woman: Where are they?
Mr. Character: I. I don’t remember. (the woman is about to press a button that would call the police) Uhh they’re at a sleepover! Yeah.
Woman: Well I still have no properties available. (Mr. Character throws a bunch of money on the table) Is this a bribe?
Mr. Character: Yes.
Woman: Do you want me to magic up a house?
Mr. Character: Thank you, 4 bedrooms would be great.
(cut to Mrs. Character, SpongeBob, and Patrick at what is left of Mr. Character’s Awesome House, it's nighttime)
SpongeBob: He’s been looking at that magic house for a while now. (Mr. Character walks up with blood and bruises all over him) Was the house nice?
Mr. Character: That (censor bleep)ing bitch lied to me. There was no house.
Mrs. Character: What the hell happened to you?
Mr. Character: That’s unrelated. Then after I left I called my insurance company and they told me to suck their dick the house burning down wasn’t enough damage apparently. Like it was specified in the contract I signed with them that if the house was to burn down it wouldn’t be enough damage for an insurance payout. And I was like no, I would never sign a contract with those terms. AND THEN! (pulls out a piece of paper) THEY GAVE ME THE (censor bleep)ING PAPERWORK TO PROVE I AGREED TO THIS AT SOME POINT IN TIME!
SpongeBob: (reading the paperwork) This also says that if you die in the next five years, the company gets legal possession of all your organs.
Mrs. Character: So we're just going to be sleeping on the streets tonight?
Mr. Character: Yeah, but on the plus side, I did some shopping. (leaves)
Mrs. Character: Was that story over?
SpongeBob: He never explained the blood.
(Mr. Character returns with some beds)
Mr. Character: There, we may be sleeping on the streets tonight but at least we’ll be comfortable.
(they all get on their beds)
Patrick: This sucks.
Mr. Character: Well, at least it’s not raining. (it starts raining) I hate you all.
(Patrick is about to go to sleep when a stranger falls asleep next to him)
Patrick: Who the (censor bleep) are you?
Man: Shhhhhh, they’ll hear…
Patrick: Ahhhhhh, I don’t like this.
(the next morning, Mr. Character wakes up and someone pushes him off his bed. Mr. Character then realizes his bed is being repossessed by an insurance agent)
Mr. Character: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
Insurance agent: You have violated your contract.
Mr. Character: HOW?!
Insurance agent: (holds up a piece of paper) It says right here “if your house burns down and you start living on the streets, we will take one of your beds away.”
Mr. Character: YOU! I will no longer be needing your services.
Insurance agent: Fine, have it your way. (the agent shoots Mr. Character’s knee)
Mr. Character: OW! WHAT THE (censor bleep)?!
Insurance agent: (holds up a piece of paper) It says right here “before changing insurance companies, we shoot at your knee.” However we thank you for choosing us and hope you recommend our services to your friends and family.
Mr. Character: Well that's not going to ha-
Mrs. Character: Please stop talking.
Mr. Character: Well why don’t you get back in the kitchen, bitch.
Mrs. Character: What?
Mr. Character: I don’t know.
(SpongeBob and Patrick wake up)
Patrick: I had a bizarre dream, so I was Hitler, and then Mr. Character’s Awesome House burned down and I had to sleep on the streets in the rain with some random guy.
Man: Half of that wasn’t a dream. (Patrick screams) Thanks for the bed. (walks off)
Patrick: I don’t even know his name.
Mr. Character: Were the beds nice at least?
SpongeBob: Mine got soaked in the rain.
Patrick: Mine too… (looks closer) Is rain water normally this color?
Mr. Character: There has gotta be something good about being homeless right?
Patrick: Oh nope, that is not rain water, that is piss.
Mrs. Character: Now what are we supposed to do?
Patrick: It's not even my piss.
SpongeBob: Shut the (censor bleep) up, please shut the (censor bleep) up.
Mr. Character: Hmm… (imagines a carton of milk spilling itself) I’VE GOT A GREAT IDEA! We’ll rebuild the house!
Mrs. Character: None of us are builders.
Mr. Character: So?
Mrs. Character: ...
(a montage of them building plays)
(Patrick throws his hammer and it hits a passerby on the head)
Patrick: It didn’t come back.
(SpongeBob is painting a wall)
Mr. Character: SPONGEBOB! HELP!
(SpongeBob runs out and sees Mr. Character stuck in the washing machine)
SpongeBob: OH MY GOD MR. CHARACTER WHAT DID YOU DO?!
Mr. Character: I WAS TRYING TO TEST IF THIS WASHING MACHINE WORKED!
SpongeBob: WHY WOULD YOU DO IT LIKE THIS?!
Mr. Character: I DON’T KNOW, I DIDN’T THINK IT THROUGH! GET ME OUT OF HERE! (SpongeBob tries to unplug it) HURRY!
SpongeBob: I’M TRYING!
Mr. Character: TRY HARDER! (the washing machine turns off and SpongeBob pulls Mr. Character out)
SpongeBob: WHAT THE (censor bleep) WAS THAT?!
Mr. Character: Well that was scary.
(Patrick is trying to hang a painting up on the wall, he ends up hitting the wall with the hammer and it falls onto someone walking by)
(SpongeBob walks by a room)
Mr. Character: SPONGEBOB I NEED YOUR HELP!
SpongeBob: What now?! (he enters and Mr. Character has a rope tied around his neck) OH MY GOD! HOW DID YOU DO THIS?!
Mr. Character: I DON’T KNOW, I WAS TRYING TO PUT A LAMP UP AND I FEEL LIKE I’M SUFFOCATING HELP GET ME OUT OF THIS! (SpongeBob gets Mr. Character out of the rope) THAT COULD’VE KILLED ME! Ooh, a quarter!
SpongeBob: (bleep) me.
(Mrs. Character puts some groceries in the fridge)
Mrs. Character: The fridge works! (Patrick comes in with a bat and destroys the fridge) What the hell?!
Patrick: I thought I saw a spider.
(SpongeBob and Mr. Character are trying to bring a couch in)
SpongeBob: Exactly how are we supposed to do this, there is no way this couch is going to fit in here.
Mr. Character: Of course it is.
SpongeBob: Couldn’t we have at least taken off the cushions?
Mr. Character: SpongeBob, I know exactly what I’m doing. OK, 1, 2, 3. (they try to get it in and it doesn’t work) Keep trying!
SpongeBob: It’s not going to work.
Mr. Character: Just keep trying.
SpongeBob: This is painful.
Mr. Character: KEEP TRYING!
SpongeBob: OK, this isn’t working and it’s hurting my back.
Mr. Character: Whiny bitch.
SpongeBob: What?! (SpongeBob stops holding the couch and it falls on his foot) OW!
Mr. Character: Now it’s not just your back that hurts.
(fades to the house built)
Mr. Character: Well, we did it!
SpongeBob: It… it looks awful.
Mr. Character: What?
Patrick: Terrible.
SpongeBob: It looks like the top floor is going to fall in any second.
Patrick: At least one of the windows I fitted survived.
(a window falls to the ground)
Mrs. Character: Well I think if we all work a little harder we can make this place our home.
Mr. Character: Uh oh.
Mrs. Character: What?
Mr. Character: I… I left the oven on.
Everybody else: WHAT?!
Mr. Character: I was testing the oven
SpongeBob: Are you (bleep)?
Mr. Character: Don’t judge me alright. I was testing the oven, 
Patrick: You’re actually dumb.
Mr. Character: I wanted to test the gas. I put in some chicken nuggets, turned the oven on
Mrs. Character: Mr. Character…
Mr. Character: I left it on, and it’s still cooking the chicken nuggets as we speak.
Patrick: Do we still have a chance to eat the chicken nuggets?
(the house explodes)
Mr. Character: We do not, no. WAIT! Maybe we still have a chance! (he runs over to the house)
Mrs. Character: Mr. Character, don’t!
(Mr. Character tries to blow all the fires out, but it doesn't seem to work and he returns)
Mr. Character: Well, I guess we have to start all over. Then after we redo the chicken nuggets maybe we can start rebuilding the house.
Mrs. Character: Wait Mr. Character, look!
(a bunch of bricks get together and form a wall)
Mr. Character: What the hell?
(the awesome house starts rebuilding itself)
Mrs. Character: Mr. Character, I’m scared.
(the house has rebuilt itself)
Mr. Character: It’s not possible. (they all walk in and everything is back to normal)
SpongeBob: How did this happen?
Mrs. Character: I don’t understand, it’s like there was never a fire.
Mr. Character: Well, let’s just be happy that everything is back to normal I guess.
(Patrick is on a laptop)
Patrick: Free Kermit the Frog sex?
Mr. Character: PATRICK NO!
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