STOP THE STEAL!

STOP THE STEAL! is the seventh episode of season four, and the thirty-fourth episode overall, of No Malarkey in Bikini Bottom. It premiered on January 23, 2021.
== Plot ==
Mr. Lobster leads a gang of protestors into the Capitol in an attempt to prevent the certification of Mr. Biden's Electoral College victory.
==Transcript==
[The episode begins in the White House.]
Mr. Trump: Welp, I guess this is it, Rudy. Today’s the day they certify the fraudulent votes. It looks like the deep state is gonna win. 
Mr. Giuliani: Not so fast, Mr. President! There’s one more trick I have up my sleeve!
Mr. Trump: Go on. 
Mr. Giuliani: Well, traditionally the vice president is the one who presides over the certification of the election results. Nominate me to the position and I can reject the results! 
Mr. Trump: GREAT IDEA!
[Cut to the Press Briefing Room.]
Mr. Trump: I am proud today to announce that I am nominating Rudy Giuliani to fill the vacancy of vice president. 
Mr. Chillyrooster: Um, why is he wearing a dress?
Mr. Trump: That’s not important. 
[Cut to the House of Representatives.]
Mrs. Pelosi: Nope. 
[Cut to Mr. Perkins.]
Mr. Perkins: This just in, the House has voted against confirming Mr. Trump’s vice presidential nominee Mr. Guliani. And now, certification of the Electoral College results shall begin. 
Mr. Trump: [spits out water] WHAT
Mr. Perkins: Since the position of the vice president is vacant, president pro tempore of the Senate Mr. Grassley shall be presiding officer instead.
Mr. Trump: That RINO would surely betray me! I guess it really is over now. I’ll call Joe—
[Suddenly, Mr. Lobster walks in.]
Mr. Trump: It’s over.
Mr. Lobster: Nope, we still have one more shot!
Mr. Trump: All my court cases failed, my VP nomination failed, it’s over.
Mr. Lobster: No, we have an actual shot. Actually, we have an actual arsenal.
Mr. Giuliani: I see. It looks like a trial by combat is the only option.
Mr. Lobster: Yep. Say the magic words, Mr. President, and victory shall be yours.
Mr. Trump: So...should I really incite an insurrection to achieve a goal that isn’t even remotely realistic? [pauses for a moment] Absolutely! HEAD TO THE CAPITOL AND TAKE BACK WHAT’S OURS!
Mr. Lobster: Great! I’ll be back after we win this war.
[A few minutes later, a horde of Trump supporters is outside the Bikini Bottom Capitol, with Mr. Lobster, holding a bomb, leading them.]
Mr. Lobster: OUR PRESIDENT HAS COMMANDED US TO SHOW THESE DEEP STATE COMMUNISTS THAT WE’RE NOT GOING TO LET THEM GET AWAY WITH THEIR THIEVERY!
[The horde runs toward the Capitol, but is suddenly stopped by the police.]
Mr. Lobster: Step aside, punks! Don’t even try to arrest us!
Police Officer: Arrest you? We wanna join you!
[The officers rip open their uniforms, revealing a whole range of fascist tattoos.]
Mr. Lobster: LET’S TEAR THIS PLACE TO THE GROUND!
[The horde kicks open the Capitol doors.]
Mr. Lobster: Now where should I start—[stares at a nearby congressional office] HOLY SMOKES! THAT ROOM REEKS OF MARXISM!
[Mr. Lobster runs towards the office. He quickly begins smashing all the items, afterwards lighting the office on fire.] 
Mr. Lobster: THAT’LL SHOW THAT TRAITOR FOR VOTING TO RIG THE ELECTION AGAINST OUR PRESIDENT DONALD J. TRUMP! 
Mr. Giuliani: Uh, Larry? That’s your office. 
Mr. Lobster: Oh. [pauses briefly, before throwing some gasoline inside]
[Cut to the Senate chamber.]
Mr. Cruz: You know what they say, overthrowing the results of an election is the Texas way!
Sir Sandy: Darn right, Ted!
Mr. Markey: Senator Cruz’s vote to object doesn’t surprise me, but Senator Cheeks? You’re a scientist! Why would you want the most anti-science president to remain in power?
Sir Sandy: If you were as tough as Texas, you would understand.
Mr. Cruz: And unfortunately, he’ll never be as tough as—
[Suddenly, the horde runs towards the Senate chamber, shrieking.]
Mr. Markey: [screaming] RUN, EVERYBODY RUN, MONSTERS!
[The Senators run to the exit.]
Sir Sandy: Wait! Don't hurt Republicans like me! The Democrats are the enemy!
Mr. Lobster: [ignoring Sir Sandy, maniacally laughing] HEHEHEHE [throws a bomb into the chamber]
Sir Sandy: Gotta blast.
[As Sir Sandy flees the building on her rocket, she sees the chamber explode.]
[Cut to Mr. R’Onion’s classroom. The bell rings.]
Mr. R’Onion: Alright, everybody out, except Travis and Dan. You two are staying with me.
Mr. Sullivan: But Mr. R’Onion, Travis and I have to go to the Capitol to count the electoral votes! You can’t give us detention!
Mr. R’Onion: That’s exactly where we’re going! The Capitol is being stormed by Larry Lobster and friends, and who are we to not take part in it?
Mr. Sullivan: Larry Lobster is a fascist! Travis and I are democratic socialists! We can’t aid his putsch!
Mr. Pineapple: Now hold on there, if this leads to the violent end of the imperial core, then count me in. It doesn’t matter if they want an even more fascist regime.
Mr. Sullivan: Yes it does!
Mr. Pineapple: I always knew you were a Socialist In Name Only. There’s no time to waste, Mr. R’Onion, let’s go!
[Cut to BBTV Studios.]
Mr. Perkins: BREAKING NEWS! The Capitol is being stormed by a group of fascists led by Representative Larry Lobster, as well as tankies like Representative Travis Pineapple. The Senate chamber has just exploded, but all the Senators made it out. One Senator, Ed Markey, joins us now. Ed, you were there, what the hell is going on?
Mr. Markey: Why don’t you ask the police? Oh wait, because they joined them! I almost died out there! Without me, who would lead the fight for climate justice, and more importantly, furry rights? Anyways, Trump and his minions must be punished!
Mr. Perkins: If the President’s power isn’t checked now, there will be many more tyrants who will try to destroy Bikini Bottom. Do you believe that President-elect Biden will take legal action against Trump and the stormers once he takes office?
Mr. Markey: Of course. I may not agree with him on everything, but I am absolutely certain a man like him will prosecute these thugs to the fullest extent of the law!
[Cut to Mr. Biden, who is seen writing “FUCK SLEEPY JOE” on a wall in Mr. Banana’s bedroom with his shit.]
Mr. Banana: You’re not even in the Capitol!
Mr. Biden: And I never will be! The day I get elected to the Senate is the day Bikini Bottom turns into a communist state!
[Cut to the White House, where the TV is playing.]]
Mr. Trump: So? It’s not a big deal. We will win this war very soon, and everything will be alright.
Mr. Perkins: [on the TV] This just in, Twitter suspended the President’s account.
Mr. Trump: [spits out water] WHAT
Mrs. Perkins: They said would consider unsuspending him if he concedes the election to Joe Biden.
Mr. Trump: NEVER! [goes on Twitter and creates a tweet] This’ll show these idiots! [presses the Tweet button, and a notice appears saying he can’t tweet as his account is suspended] DAMN YOU! Ugh...fine.
[Cut to Mr. Trump recording a message.]
Mr. Trump: To all the great patriots who are fighting for me, I can’t thank you enough. We are winning this! But be peaceful, or else I will be forced to c-c-con—
Mrs. McEnany: [whispering off-camera] Concede!
Mr. Trump: [tense] Con-clown-cum—[passes out]
Cameraman: I guess we’ll move on to Take 23...
Mrs. McEnany: Nah, just edit the video.
[Cut to Twitter headquarters.]
Twitter Employee: [views Mr. Trump’s message] Jack, it looks like Trump released a half-assed “concession”. Should we unban him?
Mr. Dorsey: If we unban him, we can expect an increase in user traffic, which means we get money. HOWEVER, some of our partners would cease doing business with us, which means we lose even more money. Keep him banned.
[Cut to the White House.]
Mrs. McEnany: It looks like Twitter isn’t unsuspending you.
Mr. Trump: JACK! I will regret what I am about to do…
[Cut to Mr. Trump recording another message.]
Mr. Trump: A new administration will be inaugurated on January 20. My goal now is to commit to a peaceful transition of power. To anyone who participated in the storming, you will be prosecuted. To Jack, I need to tweet. Please.
[Cut to the ruins of the Capitol.]
Mr. Pineapple: [views Mr. Trump’s second message] What is the meaning of this?! He conceded and stabbed us in the back! 
Mr. Lobster: When did he say that?
Mr. Pineapple: He said there will be a peaceful transition of power to a new administration, and we’ll be prosecuted!
Mr. Lobster: A new administration meaning a second Trump administration!
Mr. Pineapple: That makes...total sense!
Mr. Lobster: WE WILL ALWAYS STAND BACK AND STAND BY OUR PRESIDENT DONALD J. TRUMP NO MATTER WHAT!
[Suddenly, a door opens, revealing Mrs. Lobster.]
Mrs. Lobster: LARRY! What do you think you’re doing?!
Mr. Lobster: Uh...violently overthrowing the government…
Mrs. Lobster: For crying out loud, Larry, you can’t be up this late on a weekday! You look so tired!
Mr. Pineapple: [snickers] Yeah, Larry—
Mrs. Lobster: He’s Mr. Lobster to you, young man!
Mr. Lobster: [snickers] Yeah, Travis—
Mrs. Lobster: YOU TWO GET IN THE BOAT RIGHT NOW!
[The Lobsters and Mr. Pineapple get into the Lobster boat.]
Mrs. Lobster: Larry, I am very disappointed in you.
Mr. Lobster: Disappointed? Because of Mr. Pineapple and I, the deep state won’t be in office! A great victory for Bikini Bottom! You can thank me in bed.
Mr. Perkins: [on the boat radio] This just in, members of Congress have returned to the Capitol after the last two stormers left, and certified the 2020 presidential election results, which Joe Biden and Kamala Harris won.
Mr. Lobster & Mr. Pineapple: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
[Cut to Mr. Banana’s House.]
Mr. Banana: Congratulations, Joe, it’s official! You’ll be president in two weeks!
Mr. Biden: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
[Cut to the White House.]
Mrs. McEnany: It looks like your Twitter ban is now permanent.
Mr. Trump: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
[Cut to the Obama residence. A knock is heard at the door. Mr. Obama opens it, revealing Mr. G]
Mr. Obama: Welcome back, Kelpy! How was Malaysia?
Mr. G: Great! I held an underground concert with Tupac! Ah, I miss my days as a musician. But causing death and destruction is far more interesting. Did anything interesting happen while I was gone?
Mr. Obama: Well, there was death and destruction at the Capitol.
Mr. G: WHAT?! I missed it! Did you get our drones in on the action? I installed a much more destructive payload onto them last week.
Mr. Obama: I was going to, but I forgot the password to access them.
Mr. G: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
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