Puckémon

The sixth chapter of Total Drama Tokyo, posted on March 10, 2012.
==Story==
“Last time on Total Drama Tokyo, the contestants had an electric challenge. The Tanukis won, or did the Dharmas? I don’t even remember. But whatever, I know that the Fish Tails lost, and they voted off Anderson, mostly just for being extremely irritating. Yuri, who's also pretty irritating, was somehow saved! Shocking, huh. All right, time to check in on the contestants. McLean out.”
The Fish Tails are in their dorm. Tolkien is slumped onto the couch.
“Why are you so sad that Anderson’s gone again? That means you get some quality time with Ari. Sounds good, eh?” says Julian, in an attempt to cheer up Tolkien.
“I don’t care, man. Anderson gave me good advice on how to pick up chicks, including Ari,” says Tolkien.
“Yeah, but I can give you advice, too. Ever thought of that?” asks Julian.
“All right. That will work. What do you have?” asks Tolkien.
“Well, first of all, don’t wear cologne. Girls don’t like cologne unless they like gross, pompous jocks, and you’re not a gross, pompous jock. So, yeah, no cologne. Let your pits develop a natural smell. That’s what I do, and you know Estrella loves me," says Julian.
“She really doesn’t, but whatever, go on,” says Tolkien.
“All right. Also, you can’t be too obvious. Girls think you’re creepy when you’re constantly trying to flirt with them and whatnot. So, don’t spend all of your time with the girl trying to hit on her,” says Julian.
“But that’s exactly what you do…” says Tolkien.
“Fine, whatever. One more thing, ditch the cards. Girls think they’re dorky, and you don’t want to look like a nerd in front of a hot girl,” says Julian.
“But I am a nerd. You know what, your advice sucks. I’m going to a more reliable source,” says Tolkien, and he walks away.
“Whatever, it’s his loss…” says Julian after Tolkien is gone. “Besides, since Shawn is showering, who’s a reliable source on this team?”
The scene switches to Tolkien, who’s upstairs with Roz.
“All right, so ya want girl advice, eh?” says Roz. “I can help you, if you want. Hehe.”
“Fine, Roz. But only because Anderson is gone, and Julian sucks at advice. What do you think? How can I impress Ari?” pleads Tolkien.
“Well, first of all, you can’t. She doesn’t like you, man. But you can still try to win her over or whatever. First of all, you should wear cologne, she likes it. She thinks it smells good,” says Roz.
Ari walks in to the room. “What’s going on here…?”
Roz suddenly screams at the top of her lungs, and Ari leaves quickly.
“All right, back to girls,” says Roz. “You should try to flirt with her whenever you can, since the more you flirt, the better chance you have of winning her over. Girls like that too, unless they’re into gross, pompous jocks.”
“I’m going to kill Julian...” says Tolkien quietly.
“Eh?” asks Roz.
“Nothing,” says Tolkien quickly.
“Also, one more thing. You gotta keep th’ cards. Ari secretly loves Luncheons and Laggins…” Roz realizes what she has just said. “Oops. Sorry. I’m an idiot.”
“She does?!” screams Tolkien. “Why didn’t you tell me this earlier?”
“She’s super self-conscious about it, so don’t mention it. She has a secret stash in her backpack, though,” says Roz. “Don’t look.”
Tolkien runs over to Ari’s backpack.
“...or you can look. But heed my warning,” says Roz.
Tolkien digs through for a few seconds, then pulls out a golden, glittering card. “OH… MY… GOD...” he says loudly.
“What?” yells Roz.
“Ari has… the rarest card in the Devil’s Stronghold expansion pack… Oh my god, the Moss Giant… 1500 attack, 3600 defense, 30 speed. Obviously, speed isn’t its forte, hehe. But still, I want this thing so bad!” says Tolkien.
“Steal it,” says Roz.
"Why would I do that? I want Ari to like me, not to try and kill me!" says Tolkien.
"Yeah, but it would be pretty frickin' funny," says Roz. Tolkien stares at her. "It would," says Roz.
Estrella says in the confessional, "Seems that our team is a gigantic love dodecahedron. Yuri likes Shawn and Julian's pairing, while Julian likes me, and I like, er, nobody, then Tolkien likes Ari, but he also likes Roz, and Ari doesn't like Tolkien, and I have no idea about Shawn... Wow, such a screwed up team, hope I get voted off next... But then I wouldn't be with Jul-- I mean, Roz. Yeah, definitely Roz. DARN!"
Yuri says in the confessional, "Seriously, if Julian and Shawn don't date in the next episode..." She pauses. "All right, this thing has taken over my personality. Time to write some inappropriate yuri fanfictions! Yeeeep! I just really hope that my secret crush on Shawn doesn't get in the wa... Wait, what did I just say? DARN!"
Ari says in the confessional, "Tolkien's cute. But I don't know if I want to date him, since he's kinda weird... Let me see what he does today."
The scene changes to the Mini Dharmas, in their dorm.
"Ugh, this crossword puzzle is so irritating," says Layla, reading a magazine. "Charles, solve it for me."
"But I don't know how to do crossword puzzles. It was the one thing I never learned," says Charles. Layla flashes him a grimace, and he takes the crossword puzzle.
Charles says in the confessional, "Layla is not a nice girl."
"Ooh, I love wordcross puzzles, Layla. They're soooo fun," says Isabel.
Charles says in the confessional, "Isabel is a very nice girl."
"Charlie, can I help you? This is so fun!" says Isabel happily.
"Here, it's all yours." Charles throws the crossword puzzle magazine at Isabel's face, and she topples over.
Delia is jotting down notes in her notepad. Her notepad reads, "Blonde rude @#$%& must go, now. Stupid one may be a valuable ally. The butler is a tool, and Mr. Top Hat is somewhat all right."
There is a puff of smoke. Kai appears next to Delia. "Whatcha doooin'?" he asks.
"None of your business. Besides, why should I tell you? You can't be trusted," says Delia.
"Oh, you are mistaken, I can totally be trusted. Except around my older brother. I hate him so much," says Kai.
"Tell me about him," says Delia. "Now."
"Well, he's a jerk, and he's always pushing me around and stuff," says Kai.
"Cool," says Delia.
"And he likes to think he's better than me, which he is not," says Kai.
Neal appears. "Who, me? Cause I'm better than you guys."
"Neal, can you leave? We're trying to have a conversation," says Kai.
Neal shakes his head, and leaves.
"So, uh, Delia, where were we at?" says Kai, attempting to restart the conversation.
"There's the door," says Delia rudely.
Kai looks at the door, then exits out of it.
Kai says in the confessional, "Is it weird that I find Delia somewhat attractive?"
The scene changes to the Wily Tanukis' bedroom.
"So, guys, this team sure is 'cool'. I love you guys," says Puck.
"I love you too, Puck," says Flora. "I try to be kind to everyone."
"Even though you have no personality?" says Thomas.
"Yes, I have a lot of personality, thank you very much," says Flora. Thomas throws a pillow at Flora. "Ow," says Flora blandly.
Horatio shakes his head. "Thomas, chill out, dude."
"All right, small boy," says Thomas.
Casey comes out of the bathroom. Her hair is straightened, she is wearing make up and eyeliner, and she looks overall gorgeous.
"Oh my god..." exclaim Puck and Thomas simultaneously.
"Yeah, hey guys," says Casey. "Like my makeover?"
There is a boinging noise. Puck looks at his trousers.
"That's borderline-R rating," says an offscreen voice.
"Willie, you should be monitoring the censors." says another one.
"I miss Kai..." says Vivienne. "It isn't the same without him."
"Meh, he didn't do much," says Thomas.
"Yeah, but even his presence could brighten up someone's day..." says Vivienne.
"I beg to differ," says Casey.
"Excuse me?" asks Vivienne.
"Never mind..." says Casey. "Just, never mind."
Chris walks into the cabin.
"Today's challenge is gonna be super fun, guys. You ready?" asks Chris.
"Actually, no, not really, and what do you mean by fun?" asks Puck.
"You'll see. Heck, we even named the challenge after you!" says Chris.
"Is it hockey?!" asks Puck gleefully.
"How does 'hockey' relate to 'Puck'?" asks Chris. He thinks for a moment. "No, it's not hockey."
"Is it something that doesn't have to do with Japan at all?" asks Horatio. "Because it seems that we've had a lot of those."
"It kind of has to do with Japan, or at least, something that was made in Japan," says Chris.
Chris meets the contestants outside. He has a large trunk of costumes.
"Today's challenge is called 'Puckemon!'" says Chris. Everyone groans.
"Whoo, I love Pokemon! I have every single game!" says Tolkien.
Ari says in the confessional, "Man, Tolkien plays Pokemon? So do I, but I don't feel like saying anything... He'll just like me even more... Ugh."
"The three teams will all dress up as Puckemon and battle. You can use 'moves' and stuff, and basically it's a LARP," says Chris.
"Eww, I can't be seen doing this. I have to be a Trainer," says Layla.
"Sorry, the trainers will be Chef, Billy the intern, and Smoothie Guy," says Chris. "You're gonna be a Poke, Layla."
"Ugh, Charles, tell him to let me be a trainer," says Layla.
"Actually, I think it will be very enjoyable to see you in a big blobby costume," says Charles.
"You irritate me!" Layla stomps on Charles' foot.
"Oh, also, you guys can't choose which Puckemon you're going to be. We got the ones with the closest names to yours," says Chris.
"Tolkepi?" jokes Tolkien.
"Actually, yes," says Chris, and he tosses a gigantic egg costume to Tolkien.
"Ugh," says Tolkien, putting on the egg costume. "I look stupid."
"You're all going to look stupid soon, so deal with it, or you're out," says Chris.
An intern tosses Shawn a Pikachu costume, Ari an Ariados costume, Roz a Roserade costume, Julian a Reuniclus costume, Estrella a Gothitelle costume, Yuri a Jirachi costume, and then holds up a Charmander costume.
"Hey, why isn't there anyone for this Charmander?" asks the intern.
"Well, since 'Charmanderson' left last episode, there's nobody to put it on," says Chris.
"Just give it to me," says Horatio.
The intern tosses Horatio the Charmander costume.
Horatio puts on the costume, and it is extremely tight.
Puck giggles at Horatio, but is then tossed a Piplup costume.
"Hey, why can't I be 'Puckachu'?" whines Puck.
"Tough luck, man. Pikachu went to Shawn," says Chris.
"But 'Shawnkachu' doesn't sound any good!" complains Puck.
Chris ignores Puck, and gives Thomas a Torterra costume, Flora a Dunsparce costume, and Casey an Infernape costume. Vivienne gets a Misdreavus costume.
"Hey, this costume kind of matches my personality," says Vivienne.
Vivienne disappears. She then reappears with the costume on.
"How did you... Never mind," says Casey.
Chef comes in with the last set of costumes, and gives Layla a Lickilicky costume, Kai an Alakazam costume, Isabel a Marill costume, Neal a Nidoran costume, and Delia a Gardevoir costume.
"Hey, can I be the mascot?" asks Neal, putting the costume on.
"We can't see your face," says Kai.
"Isn't that the point of a mascot?" says Neal. He bounces around, and falls on his butt.
"Eww, what is this?" says Layla, holding up her Lickilicky costume. "It's ugly."
"No, it's super pretty!" says Isabel. "I love it!"
"Well, I don't. Let me trade costumes with you, Isabel," says Layla angrily.
"No! I like mine. Heehee," says Isabel.
"All right. Weird girl. Gimme your costume," says Layla.
Delia stares at Layla creepily.
"Please?" says Layla.
Delia does nothing, then walks away.
"You need to try to be respectful to others. People like that when you respect them," says Charles.
"Shut up, Charles, I don't need your crap," says Layla.
Chris, who is dressed as Ash Ketchum, blows a horn.
"Hey, Ash McLean here, and the first battle is going to be between... Ari and Casey!"
"But, that's unfair. Bug-types are weak to Fire-types..." says Ari.
Tolkien stares at her.
"I mean, I was just assuming, because fire burns stuff, and yeah..." says Ari.
Ari says in the confessional, "I have to make sure Tolkien doesn't find out that I like this kind of stuff. Or else he'll never leave me alone. What to do..."
Roz says in the confessional, "Hehe. Ari and Tolkien. What a weird couple. Maybe I should boot Tolky so Ari can have some time with just me."
"All right, you two, wanna start the battle?" says Chris.
"No, not really..." says Ari.
"YEAH!" yells Casey enthusiastically.
"3... 2... 1... GO!" says Chris.
Ari just stands there. "Wait, who has higher speed?"
"Obviously me!" says Casey.
Ari says in the confessional, "Well, I knew that Infernape is one of the fastest Fire-types, and Ariados doesn't really do anything special... I'm so pathetic."
Casey uses 'Flame Wheel', and she spins around, spraying ketchup from her pocket.
The ketchup hits Ari, and she sways to the side.
"Ariados has taken 20 damage!" says Chris. "She is in danger of fainting!"
"Wait, but I only took 20," says Ari dubiously.
"Yeah, but did I forget to mention that all the Puckemon are level 1?" asks Chris.
"Wait, that's impossible. Almost all of us are evolved forms, and Infernape learns Flame Wheel at level 21..." says Ari. "I mean, I'm just assuming."
"Wow, your babe sure does know a lot about Pokemon for someone who doesn't play it," says Julian from the sidelines. Tolkien says nothing, wearing a wide grin.
Casey sprays more ketchup at Ari.
"Uh, I'm gonna use... Spider Web!" says Ari.
"You can't!" says Chris. "Ariados learns it at level 32! You can only use String Shot and Bug Bite!"
"That's so rigged!" yells Roz from the sidelines. "Why does Casey get to learn all that stuff?!"
"Hey, don't complain, chica," says Puck. "Casey's my teammate, so she can win."
"Aw, just shut up, you little runt," says Roz.
"I pride myself on being a little runt," says Puck.
"I'm really not sure how to respond to that," says Roz.
Casey then uses Blast Burn, and throws ketchup-filled balloons at Ari.
"This ketchup doesn't even look like fire!" says Ari, right before one hits her in the face and she keels over.
"Ariados has fainted! Infern-casey, you can move to the next round!" says Chris.
"Cool, I think," says Casey.
"Trainer Dharma is about to send out Nealdoran. Would you like to switch Pokemon?" says Chris.
"Uh, sure, bring in Tomterra," says Casey.
Casey leaves, and Thomas in his Torterra costume comes out.
"Let's rock this thing!" says Thomas.
"GO!" yells Chris.
Thomas uses 'Razor Leaf' against Neal, which consists of sprinkling leaves over Neal's head.
"Ow, that hurt," says Neal flatly.
"Grass is ineffective! The move does 0 damage!" says Chris.
"Suck on that, Tomterra!" says Neal. "I use Poison Sting!"
Neal takes out a needle, and pokes Thomas with it.
"Ow, that hurt! What was that for?" says Thomas.
"Hey man, I want to win as much as you do," says Neal.
Thomas gets woozy, and passes out.
"And Nealdoran has won! Now, the score is 1-1-0, with the Fish Tails way behind. Will Shawnkachu be able to pull out a victory against the hulking Laylicky?"
Layla struts out in her big, bulbous costume.
"This is ruining my social status," says Layla.
Shawn comes out in a Pikachu costume.
"I guess this will be tolerable," says Shawn.
"GO!" yells Chris.
Layla uses 'Slam', and runs into Shawn at full force.
"Ow!" says Shawn. "My kiwis!"
"Shawnkachu has taken 40 damage!" says Chris. "He only has 0.9 HP left!"
"Can I use a Max Revive?" asks Shawn.
"Sorry, your pockets are empty!" says Chris.
"And also, having 0.9 HP isn't even possible," says Shawn.
"GET ON WITH IT!" yells Chef from the sidelines.
"Go, Shawn!" says Yuri loudly. "Impress your boyfriend!"
Julian glares at Yuri. "Okay, that's getting old."
Shawn uses Thunderbolt, hitting Laylicky with a foam thunderbolt.
"Ow," says Layla sarcastically.
"Laylicky's ability, 'Thick Fat' prevents damage from being done!" says Chris.
"Hey, but Lickilicky can't even have Thick Fat! And that's not what it does, that's Wonder Guard," says Tolkien loudly.
"You tell him, man!" yells Julian.
"Guys, quit your whining!" says Chris. "If I hear one more thing, I'll have to cut the challenge short."
Shawn gets all sweaty and faints.
"Shawnkachu has taken damage due to fatigue! He can no longer battle, so he's out!" says Chris.
Shawn makes a rude hand gesture to Chris.
"And since Laylicky has won, the score is 2-1-0! This last round will determine the winner!" says Chris.
"But we're already winning!" says Kai.
"Shhh, it's funny to see them march around in stupid costumes. LAST ROUND is Pucklup versus Rozrade!" says Chris.
"Remember, Grass is weak to Water!" says Ari.
Tolkien stares at Ari.
"I find it suspicious that you know all this stuff, and you say you've never played a Pokemon game," says Tolkien.
"Listen, I have something to tell you..." says Ari.
Tolkien grins widely, and a foam thunderbolt hits Ari in the face.
"Never mind, it's nothing," says Ari.
Tolkien shakes his head sadly.
"Meh, man, you'll be a'ight," says Julian.
Chris looks at the battlefield. Puck is standing on top of a fainted Roz.
"What the crap just happened? He just kicked me in the boob!" says Roz. "Is that even a move?"
"No, but it attracts excited teenage viewers. So, the Dharmas win!" says Chris.
"Wait, I'm not on the Dharmas anymore," says Puck.
"Yeah, but you guys win too, I guess. So, the Fish Tails have to go to elimination!" says Chris.
"Dang it!" says Shawn.
"That was so screwy," says Yuri.
"I'll see you guys later, at elimination," says Chris.
Julian says in the confessional, "Yuri probably should get my vote, but y'know, I'm having second thoughts about various things."
Shawn says in the confessional, "I vote Yuri."
Roz says in the confessional, "Shawn, dude, you weren't that great today."
Estrella is asleep in the confessional. She wakes up, and says. "Meh."
Tolkien is talking to Roz and Ari on the bed.
"So, guys, who are you voting?" asks Tolkien.
"We're thinking Shawn," says Roz. "You?"
"Aw, but Shawn's my friend. I might have to vote Yuri," says Tolkien.
"Yuri's creepy, that's for sure, but Shawn's a threat, plus he screwed up in the challenge," says Roz.
"We all kinda did..." says Ari.
"That's not my point," says Roz.
"Darn it..." says Tolkien.
Chris meets the contestants at the elimination ceremony.
"Tolkien, Julian, and Estrella, you three get sushi," says Chris.
Tolkien eats his sushi, and is looking nervous, while Julian tries to fist-bump Estrella.
"Nice try, dude," says Estrella. "Not in the mood."
"Hey, you just rhymed," says Julian.
"And you just lost the game," says Estrella.
"Dang it!" yells Julian.
"Aaaand... Roz," says Chris. He tosses Roz the sushi, and she catches it in her mouth.
"Yuri, Shawn, and Ari. One of you is safe tonight," says Chris dramatically.
"Wait, but there's three of us left," says Shawn.
"Did I mention the double elimination?" says Chris. Everyone gasps.
"Anyways, the final sushi goes to..."
"Yuri. Other two, see ya."
Yuri catches her sushi, and cheers.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, what just happened?" asks Shawn. "I mean, I can understand why you booted me, but Ari? What did she do?"
Shawn gets into the Insert-Vehicle-Here, and waves to his team.
"I don't know. She's just... I don't know, there's something up with her," says Julian.
"All right, guys. I love Pokemon. I'm not-so-secretly obsessed with it. I also like Luncheons and Laggins..." says Ari.
"Whoa, me too!" says Tolkien.
"I know..." says Ari. "Anyways, I'll miss you, Roz."
Roz is bursting into tears. "Just... go... BWAAAAA!"
"Ari, I'll sure miss you. You were cool, and nice, and stuff... It will be weird without you," says Tolkien.
Ari climbs into the Insert-Vehicle-Here. "Aww, Tolkien, come here."
Ari gives Tolkien a little kiss on the cheek. Tolkien turns red and passes out.
"Wait, it's becoming canon?!" yells Yuri. "NOOOO!"
"See you, everyone," says Ari. She smiles, waves, and heads towards the van. "One more thing, I'd like Tolkien to have this."
Ari reaches into her pocket and pulls out the Moss Giant card that Tolkien found earlier.
Tolkien gapes at the card. He blushes, and takes the card.
"I'll be sure to take good care of it," says Tolkien, in awe.
Ari gets into the van, and Shawn drives off with Ari.
"Who will win? Who will lose? Find out next time on... Total... Drama... Tokyo!"