We

We was to be the eighteenth episode of ParodySponge, but was scrapped after the series was cancelled. The unfinished script was released on August 30, 2020. 
==Characters==
*SpongeBob SquarePants
*Patrick Star
*Eugene Krabs
==Story (Unfinished) ==
The scene cuts to the shelter’s main hall. Multiples corpses had been laying on the ground, some being carried off by quarantine officers. Among the carnage, Tyce can be seen lying down the floor, barely alive, his ass ripped to shreds. “W-Why did this have to happen…? To me all of all people? I was one of thee best tattle-talers, I reported everyone...only to get globalled myself,” Tyce said, his breathing irregular. “Well, Tyce, that’s just what happens when you’re a damn fool,” the quarantine officer responded.
The scene then cuts to SpongeBob, Patrick, and Eugene, who are all standing next to each other. “So here we are, standing in front of our end,” SpongeBob said. “What does that mean?” Eugene asked. “No idea. But it makes me seem like a complex and three-dimensional character, so that’s why I said it. But anyway, you’ve gotta admit this is some pretty weird stuff. This damn fool thing stretches on for MILES -and it materialized so quickly! Quick like SONIC THE HEDGEHOG!” SpongeBob said. “Sonic looks better with blue arms,” Patrick commented.
SpongeBob’s eyes widened at this. “...Blue arms? BLUE ARMS?! You’re no true Sonic fan!” SpongeBob shouted. “Well, I’m more of a Sonic fan than you’ll ever be!” Patrick responded angrily. “Is that so, Patty Boy?! Well then, let’s just compare our two porfiles!” SpongeBob said. “Porfiles? Don’t you mean profiles?” Patrick asked. “NO! I mean porfiles! Trust me, Patrick. I know what I’m talking about. I’m the Sonic expert here,” SpongeBob said, taking out his yPhone and pulling up his and Patrick’s profiles on the Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy Fanon Wiki.
“Alright, I that just this alone proves that I’m far more of a true Sonic fan than you,” SpongeBob said. “You forgot to put the word “think” in there,” Eugene said. “WOULD YOU SHUT UP MR. KRABS?! I know what I’m doing! I mean, come on. I’ve done home-made plush toys of Sandy multiple times,” SpongeBob stated. “Wait, what?” Patrick asked. “NOTHING! But uh, back to my point, just a brief comparison of our two porfiles shows that I’m the true Sonic fan,” SpongeBob said. “What?! How?!” Patrick questioned.
“Well, first of all, your avatar is from Sonic Boom, commonly regarded as one of the absolute worst Sonic games in the entire world, along with Sonic 06. Kind of like how ParodySponge is commonly regarded to be one of absolute worst SpongeBob fanfictions in the world, along with Leader Plankton! and Livin’ With The Squid. Second of all, you think he looks better with blue arms. First of all, he doesn’t. Second of all, you probably also think that he looks better than green eyes. Second of all, you have Travis’ song “Speedin’ Sonic” in your liked video playlists on YouTube, indicating you have absolutely no respect for Sonic and are completely fine with the complete assaniation of character Travis has provided!”
“I think you’ve got your numbering mixed up, boyo,” Eugene said dryly. “NO I DON’t! And I’m the only TRUE Sonic fan in this room!” SpongeBob growled, getting out a canister of pepper spray and beginning to spray Patrick and Eugene with it. “Gah, fuck! You got that stuff in my eyes! What the hell is wrong with you?!” Patrick questioned. “Many things! Many, many things! DON’T CALL ANYBODY!” he shouted, continuing to spray the mace. He then proceeded to run off, slamming into something along the way. “GAH!” he gasped, before realizing something. “Wait a second! Last time I crashed into something I thought was a zombie, it turned out to be Mr. Krabs! So this time it must be either Sandy or Squidward!” SpongeBob grinned, noting the predictable pattern of Travis’ writing and glancing up at the figure before him. It was a zombie.
“SHIT! I was wrong!” SpongeBob gasped. “Though, admiteddly, this is a vast improvement over running into Mr. Krabs,” SpongeBob nonchalantly. “RWARGFHJIN!!!” the zombie shouted, raising its arm and sticking its hand into SpongeBob’s pants. “GAH! N-No homo…” SpongeBob moaned out, his legs beginning to tremble. Patrick quickly got out a pistle, shooting the zombie and causing it to fall over. “HEY! I was just about to cum!” SpongeBob complained angrily. “I MEAN I’M NOT GAY!” he then shouted, quickly correcting himself.
The zombie then got up again. “HEY! You didn’t let me finish giving him a handjob, SO NOW I MUST KILL YOU ALL!” he shouted, beginning to run towards the group. “GAH! This is both terrifying and yet strangely arousing at the same time!” SpongeBob shouted, beginning to run away. “HOLD ON! Let me see if I’ve got anything in my backpack that might help us out!” Patrick said, reaching into his backpack and pulling out a canister of deoderant. “WHAT THE HELL IS THAT GONNA DO?!” Eugene questioned.
“This zombie really stinks. He needs to freshen up a little,” he said, spraying the zombie with the deoderant. “GAH! Okay, that’s enough! Enough! You don’t have to overdo it!” the zombie said, beginning to cough. “QUICK! SpongeBob! Here’s your chance!” Patrick shouted. SpongeBob quickly picked Patrick’s pistol, shooting the between the eyes and killing it. “You know, anytime I kill a zombie, or even see someone else killing them, it makes me feel such pain. Although they’ve slaughtered many, and caused this hellish situation around us - it wasn’t exactly their faults,” SpongeBob stated. “Hold one just one second! What the hell kind of bullshit are you spewing this time?! Of course it’s Hillary’s fault?! How could it not be?!” Patrick questioned.
“What? Patrick! I’m talking about the zombies! Not Hillary!” SpongeBob said. “Oh,” Patrick said. “What made you think he was talking about Hillary?” Eugene asked. “Well, it’s simple really. He said that they had slaughtered many - which Hillary did by voting for the Iraq War. And he also said that they caused this hellish situation around us - which Hillary most certainly did by rigging the primaries against the stronger candidate and then proceding to alienate all of his supporters, paving the way for Donald to win the election,” Patrick explained.
“Makes sense to me,” Eugene said. “I’m glad Donald won the election! He’s going to MAKE THE PACIFIC OCEAN GREAT AGAIN!” SpongeBob exclaimed. “No he’s not,” said Patrick dryly. “What?! Of course he is! What makes you think he’s not?!” SpongeBob questioned. “Because I’ve researched his policies and past actions - he’s an absolute lunatic. He wants to undo virtually all the progress we’ve made so far. He wants to decrease environmental regulations at a time when we should be INCREASING them - showing that he cares about the short term profits of the fossil fuel industry than the long term health and safety of this ocean. He also wants to give massive tax breaks to the rich and cut social programs at a time where income inequality is at one of the highest points it’s ever been. Did I mention that his Labor Secretary pick is also against the raising mininum wage? And is in favor of all the diastrous trade deals that Donald has been pretending to be against? He wants to waste tons of money kicking innocent people out of the country and is against the First Amendment, wanting to open up libel laws in order to make it so that he can sue those who critisize him. He wants to repeal the Affordable Care Act - which would cause 27,00 who would’ve otherwise to die,” Patrick ranted.
“Are you saying I voted against my own self interest?” SpongeBob asked. “Yes,” Patrick confirmed. “Pft, nonsense, Patrick! Come on now! You know me! I’m a smart, rational person - I’d never vote against my own self interests!” SpongeBob said, dismissing the notion. Suddenly his phone beeped and he quickly took it out, checking his notifications. “GAH! Travis is running for buerecrat! Better vote Oppose!” he said, quickly voting against the request. Patrick simply stared at him with a deadpan expression on his face. “What?” SpongeBob shrugged. “You don’t vote against your own self interests, huh?” Patrick asked, rolling his eyes.
“Of course! That’s what I just said! I mean, haven’t you read his proposal? Abiding by community consensus and expanding the wiki into a global online community? What absolutely terrible ideas! He’ll destroy the wiki!” SpongeBob exclaimed. “And what about Donald? He’ll destroy the planet,” Patrick pointed out. “No he won’t! CLIMATE CHANGE IS A HOAX!” SpongeBob shouted. “You don’t seem to have much problem believing in hoaxes,” Patrick said dryly, glancing down at the Bible in SpongeBob’s hands.
As the two were arguing, a marshland with thick brushes and shallow pools of murky water came into sight. “Wow, that’s some really dirty water. Almost as dirty as my mind,” Eugene commented. “Hm...there’s a pack of what looks to be about six down there. You go down there-” Patrick began, but was interupted. “ALREADY ON IT!” Eugene grinned, his big meaty claw placed inside his pants, rubbing vigourously. SpongeBob stared at this, beginning to drool as a recetnagular bulge could be seen forming in his pants.
“Um...why are you drooling?” Patrick asked, a concerned look on his face. “GAH! NO REASON! I’M NOT GAY!” SpongeBob shouted. “If you insist. EUGENE! That’s not what I meant!” Patrick shouted. “Too late!” the restraurant owener exclaimed, pulling his claw out of his pants, revealing it to be covered in cum. He grinned, putting the claw up his mouth and then beginning to lick it. “Mhm! Mhm! This stuff is good! We should start putting this on the Krabby Patties!” he grinned.
“EUGENE!” Patrick shouted. “Huh? What is it?” he asked, finishing licking the cum of his claws and glancing over at Patrick. “I need you to go over to that marshland, sneak up on one of the zombies with your axe, and when they realize they’re being attacked, me and SpongeBob will come into the scene,” Patrick ordered. “Too bad I’m terrible at sneaking. You picked the wrong guy. Just like the Democrats picked the wrong nominee,” Eugene said. “Well, you’re right about the part with the Democrats. HOWEVER, this will ALL go according to plan if you BELIEVE IN YOURSELF,” Patrick.
“Good lord, how much Red Mist have you been drinking?” Eugene asked, before heading down to the marshland. Suddenly God arrived at the spot. “Oh, I don’t really drink Red Mist. Usually I stick to Holy Water,” he said, sipping on a glass of it. SpongeBob’s eyes widened, quickly running over towards the diety and hugging him. “GOD! I’m so, so, SO sorry for all my sins! Please forgive me! I desperately want into enter into the gateways of Heaven! Just like I secretly want into enter my penis into Eugene’s asscheeks! I MEAN NOTHING!” he exclaimed, quickly covering his mouth with both his hands, causing to fall off God and onto the ground.
“Now, now. SpongeBob.
==Trivia==
*Writing for this episode began November 2, 2016.
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