LLR Observer 6

Lads and ladies, I am Gabe Seltzer (BAYBAY) and this is this week's Observer Newsletter. Summerslam is on our heads and LLR is looking exciting as ever. So without further ado, let's jump right into this!
THIS WEEK IN LLR
* u/hydraloonie lost his match against u/danchester_united. An interesting spin occurred in the end as Loonie’s cameraman, Jeremy, cost him the match. The man in question is the same man who works with Loonie in his show, the Report. It's a nice way to boost ratings of the show which, as I reported last week, were falling. It looks like that is set to change. Sadly, just when the tide was going along with him, Loonie announced that the 10th episode of the Report will be the last.
* u/the_gift_of_g2j finally demanded to know the whereabouts of his opponent for Summerslam, u/FakeNewsBarrett. Now this is an odd plot hole. Since G2J is the SDL GM, he should have direct touch with u/YourBuddyChurch, the corporate owner, who, in turn should be aware of the whereabouts of all his talent. My guess? FakeNews is giving fake news to Church.
* Evidently, u/SlowbroJJ has upped the ante in his Summerslam feud with long term rival, u/VacantForHOF. In a fantastic angle where he wrecked Vacant’s friend and protege and my fellow journalist u/TheBulletWithAName. Brilliant selling from Bullet’s side.
* We then saw u/shriramrishi foolishly infiltrating the Evolution HQ. He was destroyed and dumped into the garbage chute. Dumpster fire, anyone? Moving on, his woes didn't stop when he faced u/TheCivilizedGamer in a very well executed 2 out of 3 falls match for the vacant Hardcore Championship. Gamer won. He and u/TheDezoo then proceeded to assault Rishi, possibly kayfabe injuring him(?)
* u/coolscorpion83 left u/hydraloonie knocked down on the Report episode 9. The hilarious part? He was hyping his feud against u/dimitrie93, who has left LLR already. (Reason in Inside Scoops).
Am I allowed to say LOL?
He's still got his NXT match with u/TheBrokenJosh at least, at NXT Takeover Brooklyn.
* u/Immathrodis cut a heartfelt promo for his friend, u/MrCappie, who the Observer reported, exclusively,  (What? I've got mouths to fill!) had been pulled from all his matches. This was a touching piece and if anyone says this is not a face turn, you got issues son.
* u/FakeNewsBarrett returned to LLR and cut a brilliant promo against his Summerslam opponent. Best bit? He gets to smoke a joint in the middle of the ring when he's been AWOL for weeks.
* LLR introduced the NJPW Division with u/TheCivilizedGamer as the GM. They'll also be introducing new 6 Man Tag Team Championships. The bad news is, New Reddit Pro Wrestling has filed a lawsuit against them for copying the names of all their PPVs. Gamer is already in hot water.
* u/thegamerwhohelps beat u/GryffindorTom in Tom's open challenge at SDL. Good match for TV.
* u/anonymous_8949 reappeared. The numpty has clearly revealed his entire shtick. ‘He hunted for a living?’ Really? This is like those Batman Vs Superman: Dawn of Dickheads trailers. They revealed the entire plot….
* u/TheCivilizedGamer cleverly retained his Hardcore Championship against u/King-Of-Zing at GFW Destination X. How did he retain? He got himself counted out. Heel 101.
* u/Tin_reader laid out another threat to his brother, u/GryffindorTom. I've got reports that Daniel Radcliffe and Emma Watson are planning on making an appearance at No Mercy to fulfill Tommy’s dreams.
* The Last Line walked backstage. I don't really know what to say about it. Good...walk, I guess?
* u/RyRyLloyd cut a promo. And since this column is restricted to my opinion I'd like to point out that I found it poor work. Same old repetitive talk. His character is literally defined by his backstage heat. What is he in kayfabe? A guy who's hated backstage. Why should the audience boo him? Because he’s hated backstage. Kudos to LLR booking team.
* So u/GryffindorTom explained to the crowd how he and his bro got into each other's bad books. He and Tin had been part of the Insane Championship Prediction as the Big Readers and he got suspicious about his brother after he believed that u/Tin_reader and his fiancée were uhhh, shagging. I happened to be having dinner with the ICP board that day and was backstage. I thought it was the other way round. Tom was uhhh, shagging Tin’s fiancée, as the owners told me. Anyways, Tin clocked Tom good enough. A very interesting storyline going on here. Jokes apart, I love the continuity.
* u/InsaneIcon debuted. Clearly inspired by the Joker, an interesting act, nonetheless. What's intriguing though, is that he's probably not a debutant. His interactions have indicated he's an old player. An angle to look forward to.
* The LLR24 documentary series was announced.
* u/EllieDai finally got her big moment as she stood tall on the go home show, raising the InterContinental title over her head and the bodies of u/LMonkA7Xand u/LemonStains. I have praised the work done by the later two but this segment gave that feel good moment. Fantastic work by all involved.
* An LLR Southpaw Regional Wrestling show is in discussion. Seriously kids? I've been here since 1980. Surprise me.
* u/InsaneIcon wrecked LIR’s smoking spot and left another threat for u/TheDezoo. Okay, you have my attention now, if not Dezoo’s.
* u/ThePruef returned and clipped off a lot of loose ends in a good promo.
* u/delois_oracle had a spat with u/Gemini_TT who threatened to leave Black Sabbath. She has officially become Black Sabbath's new leader since u/Shriramirishi is gone. Where is he, by the way?
* A hilarious drag race took place between u/bahamas_is_irrelevant and u/Immathrodis with u/LMonkA7X and LemonSteiner involved. Good stuff.
* The Report played it's last episode. You have to see to really understand it.
* u/Simashi walked out of NXT TakeOver Brooklyn as the new Hardcore Champion after winning the 6 Man Championship Scramble. Just too sweet.
* u/TheBrokenJosh lost to u/coolscorpion83 at TakeOver and became u/TheHandsomeJosh. Delois_Oracle has officially kicked him out of Black Sabbath.
* The friendship between u/King-Of-Zing and u/IM_A_ONE_MAN_BANNEDwas on full display after TakeOver. Zing and OMB ain't nothing to mess with. Reddit, Reddit vice. (u/loctavian her, OMB!)
* u/ElDaboWHC and u/AurumVocem along with the Last Line won the NXT Tag team qualifiers. Who told you to watch out for them? Yup, uncle Seltzer.
Inside Scoops
* The reason why u/dimitrie93 left LLR is because u/Trucker1028, who we reveales last week, has secured a major role in Cars and Trucks as Big Bucky Borris has helped dimitrie get a role in that film as Mr. Markov, an evil Russian car trader who sells Lightning McQueen to aliens from Mars.
* We know who u/anonymous_user8949 is… there's no use discussing it. Just remember I told you who it would be a week before they BvSed us.
* u/VacantForHOF is definitely looking into a hiatus, something we reported weeks back. His family will be at ringside at Summerslam. Clearly, he's looking to catch a good break.
Young Lions to watch out for
(None. No new signings)
Match of the week: Hardcore Championship Scramble at NXT TakeOver Brooklyn- 5 stars (The first one, I've rated)
Full ratings for G1 Climax Finals and TakeOver to be released soon!
Segment of the week: u/LMonkA7X Vs u/LemonStains: A Battle For the Ages
Category:Observer