(S1) Chapter 12: OPtale Exists

OP Sans appeared in a strange field of grass and strange creatures, as he groaned, rubbing his skull. He quickly leapt up, landing on his feet, as he looked at the surrounding area. He looked around for the person who had contacted him, assumedly an Asgore, given his name. He saw no one at all. He sighed, stretching out quickly, as he tried to think of where this Asgore may be. He heard a voice behind him, as he turned around.
            “Hey buddy, howzit goin o’er there?” A strange man with a brooklyn accent asked. He had a dark cloak over his body, armor guarding underneath, along with red eyes and a sinister smile. OP frowned slightly. This guy was so obviously evil that it wasn’t even funny. Gee, author sure being subtle, innit?
            “What do you want?” OP asked, summoning a spear and pointing it at the man, who raised his arms in surrender.
            “Heyyyyy pal, calm down. Ares- isn’t it?” He asked.
            “…sure, whatever. Now what do you want?” OP Sans said, as he de-summoned the speat.
            “Just wanna discuss a deal you may be interested in, y’know? I mean nowadays there’s so many things people want and so little ways to get it that-“ he said, being immediately cut off by OP Snas.
            “Who are you?” He asked.
            “Oh, right, of course, formalities. The Name’s Hades, God of The Dead. Lively folk, really-“ he said, waiting for the audience to laugh, as cricket chirps emitted. He frowned slightly.
            “Tough crowd, eh?” He asked the fourth wall.
            “Fuck off and read the script.” DarknessReaper9 responded.
            “Ah geez, fine.” Hades responded, as he turned back to OP.
            “Anyway, I assume you’d recognize me from a different name. Although we all use our customary names ‘round here, I know you don’t. In that case, I’d be called ‘OP Chara.’ Anyway, what I want is a deal. I know Zeus brought you here, and I know he’s leaving you high and dry to bang some random chick. So hows about we get back at him, eh?” Hades asked.
            “…he’s- what?” OP asked.
            “Banging some random chick, I’d wager. He probably spends more time being horny than actually doing his damn job.” Hades responded.
            OP paused, frowning. “…hmph.” He said.
            “Yea, so why don’t we get back at him? I know you aren’t happy about being left high and dry after being pulled out of your hard work.” Chara coaxed. OP Sans frowned, sitting down on a nearby bench as he rubbed his skull.
            “I don’t think-“ he said, until he was cut off by the sound of thunder. Both of them looked up at the sky, as they saw a miserable storm brewing, thunder emitting through the sky, as it boomed as OP had never seen it do.
            “Oh for fuck’s sake… Well, I’m outta here.” Hades said, as he waved to OP Sans, before stepping back into the shadows, and disappearing into a cloud of black smoke. OP Sans turned back to the storm, as he saw it collecting in a key region. A massive blast of lightning came down from it, as it struck the ground. He shielded his face, as the lightning blast tore up the field and created a massive whirlwind of power and destruction.
            After a moment, the lightning subsided, as the storm calmed down. OP Sans put his arms down to view the area, as he saw a massive goat-like monster exit, groaning as he rubbed his eye.
            “Ah… sorry for keeping you waiting, my boi. I am Zeus. Or, OP Asgore, if you’d prefer (but I don’t so please don’t use that title). I am your father.” He said.
            “No you aren’t, unless you’re the husband of The Emptiness Queen.” OP interjected.
            “Well you’re still Ares, so like, I dunno what to tell you my man. It’s a retcon anyway so I’m not sure what you expected.” Asgore said, shrugging slightly, as Ares groaned in annoyance. He turned to his “father,” as he sighed.
            “So anyway, this is OPtale, technically just a weak ripoff of Greek mythology, but y’know, it is what it is. At least it’s more interesting than what they did with you in the original story I guess.” Asgore continued.
            “Okay, so what do you want me for?” Ares asked.
            “So that’s the tricky part…”
||| Out of Place Transition |||
            Willy Wonka was driving down the road in his car, while epically listening to JoJo Part 2 opening on the radio. Papaya, Error, and Funnyverse sat in the backseat, as Cha-cha sat in the passenger’s seat, looking out the window tiredly.
            “Hey, wanna see a magic trick?” Funnyverse asked, turning to Error excitedly. Error groaned in annoyance, as he pulled up his hood, sitting back in his seat as he tried to ignore Funnyverse. Papaya summoned a bone staff, as he looked at it boredly. Funnyverse waited for Error to respond, and frowned when he noticed Error was staring out the window.
            Billy Mays looked at the road in front of them, as they continued to drive down the weird energy projection thing (because energy is sci-fi or something idfk). He was in his edgy phase, so he tipped his biker hat down boredly, focusing on the road. Suddenly, he saw a busted up van exit a portal, landing beside his car. He swung to the side, as he felt the distinct smell of marijuana enter his nose- and he didn’t even have one!
            “HEY, WHAT THE HELL?!” He yelled angrily, honking the horn as he turned to see the other driver. His eyes opened wide, as Chara turned to him.
            “Wait, who is it?” She asked.
            He pointed, as Papaya looked.
            “OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE!” He yelled, as he saw Jerma, swerving the van down the road and knocking several cars out of his way. In the back of the van, HAM and Petty!Ink were getting baked as fuck, like a bunch of 15 year olds in the hood. Billy Mays growled, as he swerved the car, slamming it into Jerma, as the busted up van’s wheel popped off. Jerma’s eyes opened wide.
            “WHAT THE HELL!?” He screamed, honking his horn, only to turn and see Billy Mays slam the car into him again.
            “ARE YOU TRYING TO GET US KILLED?!” Error roared angrily.
            Jerma turned back to HAM and Petty!Ink. “IT’S WILLY WONKA AND THE GANG, ‘SIC EM!” Jerma said.
            “Oi? Wasn’t he Billy Mays a second ago?” HAM asked.
            “I DON’T GIVE A SHIT, JUST GET THEM!” He yelled angrily.
            “Ay, fine, fine.” He groaned, getting up, as he turned to Petty!Ink, who was laying on the floor of the van, laughing slowly. He kicked him in the face.
            “Get up, ‘ye fuckin’ dumbass.” HAM said.
            Petty!Ink groaned, as he grabbed a fistful of knives, cuz he was edgy now I guess. HAM raised a hand, summoning a bone and breaking open the sunroof, as he leapt out, with Petty!Ink closely behind. Billy hit the van again, as they fell off-balance. HAM growled, as he leapt across the road, noticing another car. He summoned a bone, knocking that car’s back upwards and making it vertical. He landed on it, using it as a launchpad as he landed on Billy’s roof.
Papaya groaned. 
            “I have to do everything myself…” He complained, as he floated up through the car roof, punching HAM in the face. HAM growled, as he summoned a whip made out of a spine, wtf??!?!
            “WHY DO YOU KEEP USING THAT STUPID ASS WHIP?!” Papaya screamed, as HAM cackled maniacally.
            “Idk m8, it’s just good. Sound loik yet jealous ta me!” He cackled, snapping the whip, as Papaya dodged, summoning a whip of his own.
            “WOT?!!?” HAM yelled, as Papaya snapped it, hitting him in the face, as he staggered back.
            “NOW I GET TO FIGHT FOR REAL, YOU SON OF A BITCH!” Papaya yelled, as he tackled HAM onto another car. The two landed beside each other on the windshield. HAM smirked, dodging Papaya’s grab, as he grabbed the wheel with telekinesis, swinging it and shooting the poor driver off the road into the abyss. HAM leapt back onto his van, as Papaya fell with the car. Papaya, caring about civilian casualties, grabbed the edge of the road, and grabbed the car, tossing it back onto the road. He leapt onto it, as he used telekinesis on the gas pedal to shoot the car forward.
            “Yer up, lad.” HAM said to Petty!Ink, who threw his knives at the road, as they bounced up, impaling the bottom of the car. Billy growled, as he swerved into the next lane. Papaya leapt back onto the car, as he turned to Funnyverse.
            “LETS DO A SPECIAL ATTACK!” He said, as Funnyverse nodded, opening the sunroof and hopping out. He raised a hand to attack, but he couldn’t think of anything. The special attack fumbled, and turned into a mangled spear, which just fell out of their hands and onto the ground.
            “An’ ye’ say I’M high! HHAHAHAHAHAHA!” HAM laughed, as his van drove down another lane. HAM and Petty!Ink leapt down into the van through the sunroof, as Jerma activated LUDICROUS SPEED, shooting the three-wheeled van away.
            “WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!” Papaya yelled.
            “I-I’m sorry, I couldn’t think of anything!” Funnyverse stuttered back.
            “WHAT?! WHY DIDN’T YOU JUST MAKE ANOTHER SPEAR?!” Papaya screamed.
            “Can you all SHUT THE FUCK UP?!” Error screamed, as Billy turned to Chara, who turned back to the backseat nervously.
            “Ok, everyone calm down, I think we’re all just hungry and tired, let's get something to eat.” She said,
            “Oooooo, McDonalds! Thanks for the suggestion Mom!” Funnyverse said happily, looking out the window. Willy Wonka sighed, turning the car and entering the parking lot. He parked the car, as everyone got out, walking over to the entrance.
||| To OPtale we go! |||
            “Ok, so, Ares, this is your new family.” Zeus said.
            “Anything’s a step up from the Astral bitch, I guess.” Ares said, picking at his teeth apathetically. Zeus frowned slightly, but turned back to the greek gods and goddesses.
            “This is my wife, Hera, or well technically ‘OP!Toriel.’” Asgore said, walking over and shaking a old goat woman’s hand. She gave him a death glare, as Ares just stood there awkwardly. He scowled slightly, finding this entire interaction a waste of his time already, but walked over, putting his arm in front and bowing.
            “Salutations.” He said.
            “Yea… hi.” Hera responded. Ares scowled more.
            “OKAY, moving on, this is one of my kids, Poseidon, or OP!Asriel.” Asgore said calmly, as he motioned to a young goat, sitting on a throne that looked like it came from the bottom of the ocean, with a trident leaning against it. He looked up, giving Ares a small wave.
            “This is another one of my kids, Athena, or OP!Undyne.” Asgore said, motioning to a fish woman in battle armor on a war-like throne, with a spear resting against it. She just glared at Ares, who frowned in response.
            “Well that’s everyone who’ll matter to the plot. There are more but no one cares.” Asgore said.
            “Where’s Hades?” Ares asked. Asgore turned pale.
            “He- isn’t allowed up here- I’ll explain later. Any other questions?” He asked. Ares looked around, before noticing a tall skeleton in the corner, who was deformed and seemed to require braces to walk.
            “Who’s he?” He asked, motioning to the skeleton.
            “Oh… uhm, he’s Hephasteus, or OP!Papyrus.” Asgore said, wincing slightly, likely at the skeleton’s appearance.
            Sans looked abysmally bored, as Zeus winced slightly. He tried to find his words, as he saw one of the gods bump into Ares.
            “Hey little buddy, I see you’re new around here. Need daddy to guide you around?” He asked, smirking. Asgore felt increasingly uncomfortable, as there was a small standoff between Sans and the drunken buffoon. 
            “Don’t worry, I can take good care of mo-“ The drunken god said, as suddenly, Harrus jammed a spear through the man’s chest out of sheer annoyance, as blood gushed from his wound and he coughed blood from his mouth.
            “WHAT THE- AARGH… I’M IMMORTAL! YOU DARE-“ The God said, as Ares moved his spear into a defensive position, and Asgore got between them. 
“Yeah I know, that’s the point. I’m no where near fond of you all, so I’m not letting shit like this slide.” Commented Harrus. Why is Ares using a spear rather than bones and blasters now? Idk he feels like it.
            “LOOK- I brought… Ares… here, for a ver-“ He said, being cut off by a gasp of silence.
            “YOU BROUGHT ARES?!” Undyne screamed angrily, leaping up from her throne, spear in hand. Ares looked around, a bit confused, almost frightened, as all these godlike beings primed themselves to fight. The one he had stabbed got up, slinking back.
            “Hey- lets calm down-“ Papyrus said weakly to Undyne, as she glared at him.
            “SHUT UP, OGRE! WE ALL KNOW WHAT ARES IS!” She bellowed.
            “No wonder that FREAK attacked me! You have to banish him RIGHT NOW!” He roared. Zeus seemed unstable, as Ares turned to him. He suddenly felt more fear from one glance at the lightning god than all the stares from the other deities. Uh oh, Zeus angree!
            “SILENCE!” Asgore roared, as the murmuring stopped, and everyone stumbled backwards, other than Ares, who stood firm, cuz he’s badass!!1
            “Ares has been brought here because I believe my brother, Hades, is plotting. Ares must travel across the realm to the underworld- I cannot risk moving any other god powerful enough. However, Ares may select one traveling partner from the minor gods to aid him in his journey to the underworld. Who shall you pick, my son?” Zeus asked.
            “I pick him.” Ares said, pointing his now-bloodied spear at Hephasteus Papyrus. There were murmurs amongst the Gods.
            “GREA- erm, I mean are you sure?” Asgore asked somewhat sheepishly, only to be cut off decisively by Sans.
            “I have made my choice.” He said.
            “…very well. Ares, I will bring you somewhere to pack your things. It will be a long trip. Everyone may resume the party… and can someone get Helios a medic? I doubt that stab wound will heal itself.” Asgore said, turning around and motioning for Ares to follow. Ares strode behind him, as Ares did so, emotionless and apathetic to the gods and goddesses glaring at him with contempt.
            “Ares, I warn you, gods do not forgive easily.” Zeus said.
            “Figured as much, this is Greek mythology after all. To be honest though, I don’t see the need to appease an asshole whenever we’re in the same league. He’s frankly just non-threatening and just tries to be a dick so he could compensate.” Ares said, not caring about consequences. Yes, I will now tell you the exact characterizations of every character, because that doesn’t ruin the magic of storytelling, right?
            “He may not look imposing now, but he is far more powerful than you realize- and he will not be the only god you encounter.” Zeus said, leading Ares into a blank room.
            “Think of what you want, and it shall appear.” He said, leaving and closing the door behind himself. Ares paused. It was time then to prepare.
||| It appears as though Will and gang have stopped ad McDonald’s. What’s going on there? |||
            Willy and the gang were eating at a table, as he sighed, eating a fry. He looked around at the futuristic McDonalds around him, along with the hordes of customers. Willy sighed, as no one said a word. Chara looked uncomfortable as well, as Billy pulled down his biker cap, covering his face in shadow. Zamn, he edgy!
            He sighed as he listened to the group bicker, as Chara sighed, resting their face on the table. He reached out to comfort them, but felt his hand phase through. He frowned, as he closed his eyes, sighing. Error looked up at him, pausing for a moment.
            “So wait, how do you know her?” Error asked, sitting back in his seat as he took a bite out of his borgir.
            “I… she was from my AU, before it was destroyed, and I thought she was dead. Happy, okay?” Billy said, anger swelling in his voice.
            “It was just a question-“ Error stammered.
            “Look, I need some space.” Errrr404 said, getting up and walking away. The table was silent for a bit.
            “Great, now look at what you’ve done!” Papaya said.
            “What I’VE done?” Error asked confused, as Chara sighed to herself.
            Billy walked down the hallway towards the bathrooms, as he pulled his hood up, ignoring the people brushing past him. He walked over to the doors, entering the men’s bathroom, as he ran over to the sink, washing his face, as he looked up in the mirror. He saw someone very familiar entering, as he turned.
            He saw HAM, holding a joint of marijuana, as HAM blinked a couple times. The two just stared at each other, before Errrr404 quickly summoned a blaster, knocking HAM through the wall into the hallway. HAM groaned, getting up, as Billy Mays summoned an axe, leaping into the air and bringing it down onto HAM. HAM rolled to the side, elbowing Billy in the side, as Billy groaned in pain. HAM laughed, leaping into the air as he drop-kicked Billy, knocking him into a table.
            The rest of the group turned in shock, as HAM summoned his horror ripoff axe, running over and leaping into the air. Error snapped his strings out, grabbing HAM and slamming him into another table.
            “WHAT THE FUCK?!?! THAT WAS MY BURGER KING FOOT LETTUCE YOU FUCKS-“ Petty!Ink said, as he suddenly realized who it was. He leapt forward.
            “HA! YOU FOOLS! I SHALL FINALLY GET MY VENGEANACE UPON YOU INKPHOBES FOR HUMILIATING ME! YOU WILL FINALLY LEARN WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE IN A SOCIETY! I-“ He said, as Error raised a hand.
            Chara floated in front, as the table which Ink was standing on turned into a piston, as it moved down, prompting him to stagger. It shot up, knocking him through the roof. Error smirked, as Ink fell through the hole he had made and landed near the piston.
            “ARG YOU LITTLE SHIT!” He yelled, grabbing his pen and stabbing it at Error, who dodged.
            Meanwhile, Jerma ran over to Papaya, tackling him into another table, as Funnyverse looked around in confusion. HAM leapt up, as Billy Mays summoned a sword, and HAM summoned his spine whip. The two started to have an epic duel, as meanwhile, Ink was slashing wildly at Error and Chara with his pen, as the two continued to dodge.
            Funnyverse ran over, as he summoned a blaster, firing it at Ink. Ink smirked, as suddenly, all his slashes turned from just lines of ink into a blaster, firing back and overpowering Funnyverse’s, knocking him through a wall.
            “FUNNYVERSE!” Billy yelled, only for HAM to snatch his sword from his hands with the whip, before transforming the whip into a baseball bat, and smacking Billy, sending him through another wall. He threw the bat, then sent a bone from the ceiling, sending it down and Billy and knocking him to the next floor. HAM cackled, as he ran towards the hole. He clotheslined Error, knocking him and Chara over, as Ink stabbed at them with his pen.
            Meanwhile, Jerma punched Papaya in the face, as Papaya socked him in the ribs. Papaya summoned a bone staff, swinging at his legs, as Jerma leapt over the strike, turning into an amogus. Papaya swung at his head, as Jerma vented behind Papaya, grabbing a table and slamming it over his head. Funnyverse ran over to help Papaya, as Papaya turned to him angrily.
            “NO! I DON’T WANT YOU SCREWING U-“ He yelled, only for Jerma to sweep his legs and knock him onto his chest. Funnyverse paused, as Jerma vented behind him, slamming a knife into his back, as he collapsed in pain.
            Meanwhile, Error was trying to stop the bloodthirsty Ink from impaling him with a pen. Chara floated beside Error, as she raised her hands, summoning a golf club. Ink looked up, as she swung it at a voodoo doll, and Ink went flying through a wall. Error sighed with relief, as Ink reached his hand out, using telekinesis to pull the pen to him.
            HAM landed, as Billy groaned in pain. “Oi lad, funny seeing you here, innit?” He asked, as he snapped his whip. Billy got up, grabbing a chair and swinging it at HAM. HAM kicked the chair away, as he snapped the whip, wrapping up Billy and pulling him over, punching him in the face. HAM raised his foot, rolling Billy onto his back, as he stomped on his face harshly, collapsing the floor beneath them and causing the rest of the structure above to fall apart.
            Everyone groaned in pain from the fall, as Jerma vented out, smacking Papaya upside the head with a bat and causing him to lay there, unconscious. Funnyverse got up weakly, only for Jerma to bitch slap him into a wall. Billy turned to this, as HAM kicked him in the mouth.
            “Yer a weak piece of shit, Willy Wonka. Ye know that, dontcha? Ye’ve always been WEAK!” HAM yelled, kicking him in the face again angrily. Uh oh, HAM’s resorting to basic villain monologue, this can’t be good.
            Error got up, as Ink swung his pen, knocking Error back and causing him to fall to the ground. HAM turned, picking him and grabbing Chara by the soul.
            “Oh, ye’ve turned into a spirit guide. Ye were always a wonder, but this? Damn… picked the right chick, didn’tchya ol’ Billy?” HAM said, as Billy roared angrily, only to get backhanded, knocking him to the ground. HAM tossed Error and Chara through a portal, as Jerma carried Papaya and Funnyverse over, tossing them on top of Billy.
            “And ye thought ye were worthy for the Temple of Gad! I’m doin’ ye a favor… now time for you to go somewhere ye’ll never leave. Don’t worry, Wonka, I’ll take goooood care of your girlfriend in the meantime.” HAM said.
            “Y-you bastard.” Billy stuttered.
            “Tschüss, Billy!” He said, as he combined his energy with Jerma and Ink’s, creating a massive baseball bat. He summoned a portal behind Willy Wonka, Papaya182, and King Funnyverse, as he swung the bat, sending them all flying into it, before closing the portal behind them.
            “Well, I do say that was one eventful McDonalds trip, y’know?” HAM said, tossing the bat aside.
            “Yea… Heh heh heh… ha ha ha.. HAHAHAHHAHAH, HAHAHAHAH!” Ink laughed.
            “MWAHAHAHAHHAHAHA, AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH!” Ink and HAM cackled maniacally.
            Jerma just sat there, staring at them as he sighed.
            HAM looked below, seeing the scene switch bar. “O’ wait, it’s not the end of chapter? GODDAMMIT-“
||| And now we cut back to OPtale! |||
            Ares put on his new badass combat gear, as he grabbed his pocket dimension pouch, putting it on his satchel. He exited, as he did a badass stride down the hallway (he is very cool). He walked into a hangar room, as he saw Hephaestus Papyrus waiting there for him, in similar gear, with even a decked out wheelchair. Ares turned to Asgore, who was also in the room, standing next to a super cool jet.
            “Alright, this jet will fly you to the path, then you can use the map. The jet can only get you so far- because, plot.” Asgore said, handing both Ares and Hephasteus maps.
            “Are you both ready? Remember, find out anything Hades might be doing. Once you’re ready to leave, return to the starting point and tap your maps, a jet will come to pick you up.” Asgore said.
            “Alright.” They both said.
            “Cool, now get in the jet.” He said, pointing, as they both walked inside, sitting down on benches opposite each other, as the pilot flicked a button, closing the bridge that would let someone get inside, and hit another lever, before flying away.
Asgore watched, as he exhaled deeply. He waited for a moment, until the jet was fully of sight.
            “Maybe he’ll kill Hades… I don’t know, and I don’t care. All I care about is those bastards are dead. Thank God he choose that ugly fuck, that’s one headache I’m rid of. Once those spirits are mine, even Hades’s schemes won’t stand in the path to peace.” Asgore said, smirking, before walking away to exit the hangar.
            Meanwhile, in the jet, Ares was cleaning off his spear. “So, uh, Hephasteus, right?” Sans asked.
            “Oh, no, call me Papyrus.” He responded.
            “Right, so, Papyrus, what can you do?” Sans asked.
            “I can smith really well. I’m also really strong in my upper body. I also know a lot about this world and its creatures” Papyrus explained excitedly.
            “Ah, well, I can see some use(ful exposition opportunities) for that. I’ve got a basic plan for what to do, I’ll explain when we land, this map’s kinda vague, I need a better view of the terrain.” Ares said.
            “Hey, Asgore mentioned other Gods… what Gods aren’t on Olympus? Other than Hades, of course.” Ares asked.
            “Oh, well, one is Aphrodite, or OP!Frisk, The Goddess of Love and Beauty. I think she lives in this jungle we’re traveling to, actually. She might be really helpful for reaching the underworld.” Papyrus explained.
            “Oh, that’s nice.” Sans said, as he sighed, turning towards the cockpit.
            “Do you have any other friends?” Papyrus asked.
            “Oh? Yea, I have some brothers.” Sans asid.
            “What’re their names?” Papyrus asked, intrigued.
            “Ah, well, there’s Billy Mays. He’s generally just annoying and edgy, but, I guess he does have a sense of bravery and commitment to him. Determination, I guess? I suppose he’s the main protagonist.” Sans explained.
            “Then there’s Adam Sandler. He’s just a Chad.” He continued flatly.
            “and finally there… was Jasus, but he got turned into an insane multiversal murder stoner, so, y’know…” Ares said.
            “Ah, family issues.” Papyrus sighed.
            “Tell me about it. My adoptive mom tried to rape me, and my brothers are trying to kill each other. I don’t exactly have a stable household.” Sans cracked.
            “Ah. Not as bad as mine, my family kills innocents regularly- they- aren’t nice people. Sad to think they govern over our reality. Hades is probably the most evil, but even then, most of them aren’t much better.” Papyrus said.
            “Doesn’t sound the greatest. My mom was the queen of my universe, before it… was destroyed by my brother.” Sans said.
            “Ah. Well, sounds a bit worse than mine. You won this competition, pal.” Papyrus said.
            Sans laughed. “I guess so.”
Category:Season 1
Category:Canon
Category:Story
Category:Written by Reaper
Category:Episodes