Meet the Tests

All this has happened before, and it will all happen again. But this time, it happened in London. It happened on a quiet street in Bloomsbury. That corner house over there is the home of the Test family, and Gil Nexdor chose this particular house because there were people and animals who believed in him. There was Mrs. Test.
In the bathroom of the corner house, there was a businesswoman with brown hair and teal eyes, wearing a high-priced golden-yellow dress and crystal glass pumps. Her name was Lila Test. And she was busy fixing her hair in front of the mirror for a ball.
"Hugh dear, do hurry," Lila called out. "We mustn't be late for the party, you know."
Mrs. Test believed that Gil Nexdor was the spirit of youth. But Mr. Test...
In the bedroom, there was a business man with blond hair and blue eyes, wearing a white dress shirt, black pants, and matching shoes with white spats over them. His name was Hugh Test, Lila's husband. And he was looking for his gold cuff links through some drawers.
"Lila, unless I find my cuff links, we don't go to the party," Hugh called back. "And if we don't go to the party, I can never show my face in the office again. And if I can never--"
Unfortunately, he got cut off by bumping his head on the open top drawer.
"OUCH!" cried Hugh, as he hopped around, holding his head.
Well, Mr. Test was a practical man. The animal boys, however, Lumpy and Roo, who were Hugh and Lila's adopted sons, believed Gil Nexdor was a real person and made him the hero of all their nursery games.
In the nursery, we see two shadows fighting each other with toy swords. One has one in its left hoof and a hanger in its right while the other has another in its right paw.
One of the shadows belonged to a lavender heffalump with purple hair and tail, wearing a pink nightshirt, a matching nightcap, purple glasses, and a brown fedora underneath his nightcap. His name was Lumpy, Hugh and Lila's adoptive son. And he was the one with the hanger in his right hoof and the toy sword in his left.
The other shadow belonged to a 3-year-old kangaroo joey, wearing red footy pajamas. His name was Roo, Lumpy's little brother and Hugh and Lila's other adoptive son. And he was the one with the sword in his right paw.
"Blast you, Gil Nexdor!" Lumpy said in a scary voice.
Roo bonked his brother on the head twice with his sword. "Take that!" he cried. Then he and Lumpy blocked their toy swords together. "Give up, Captain McLeach?" he smirked, "Give up?"
"Never!" called Lumpy. Then he opened a drawer that was underneath Roo's pajama-clad feet with the hanger, and he fell in as Lumpy yelled, "I'll teach you to cut off me hand!"
Just about then, a 13-year-old girl with straight red hair and blue eyes walked in. She was wearing a light blue sleeveless nightgown with lace fringes, matching slippers with white cotton balls, and a golden star necklace around her neck. She also wears square glasses and a star barette in her hair. Her name was Susan Test, Hugh and Lila's daughter and Lumpy and Roo's big sister. She was also carrying a jug.
"Oh no, Lumpy," Susan giggled. "It was the left hand."
"Oh, yes. Thank you, Susan." said Lumpy, as he switched the hanger from his right hoof to his left and the sword from his left hoof to his right.
Susan, the eldest, not only believed. She was the supreme authority on Gil Nexdor and all his marvelous adventures.
While Susan was in the hallway, she sighed as she talked to four figures, "Oh, Oliver, Berlioz, Toulouse, Marie. Must we always take that nasty tonic?"
"Yes, you have to." said a voice. The figures walked out to reveal an orange kitten with a named Oliver, a black kitten with a red bow named Berlioz, an orange kitten with a blue bow named Toulouse, and a white kitten with a big pink bow and a small one named Marie. Oliver was carrying a tray of three spoons and a bottle of tonic for Susan, Lumpy, and Roo.
Oliver, Berlioz, Toulouse, and Marie the butlers and nursemaid, being cats, kept their opinions to themselves.
"We do not!" Toulouse insisted after Oliver, Berlioz, and Marie walked over a pillow.
And they viewed the whole affair with a certain tolerance.
Oliver put the tray on a small table. Then he, Berlioz, Toulouse, and Marie went over to the pillow to pick it up while Lumpy and Roo were still playing.
"Take that!" Roo called.
Lumpy and Roo played around, hopping around the beds. "Insolent boy, I'll slash you to ribbons!" Lumpy yelled.
Oliver went to the bed, placed the pillow there, and fixed up the sheets and blanket up. "And I'll cut you to pieces! Aha!" Roo called.
As he hit Lumpy, the heffalump yelped in pain. "Ouch! Careful, Roo, my glasses!"
"I'm sorry, Lumpy." Roo said.
Then Oliver picked up two blocks and went with the other kittens to the other blocks. Lumpy and Roo hopped back to the bed, messing it up again. "Ah! You'll never leave this ship alive!" Lumpy shouted.
So both of them bounced up and down as the pillow fell off again. "Oh yes, I will," Roo shouted back. "Take that!"
When Marie placed the ABC on the top, she, Berlioz, Toulouse, and Oliver quickly turned as they realized that Marie had made a mistake. She got them to BAC. "Oops," said Marie. "I got A and B backwards." So she took the A block, moved the B block, and placed it to the first. She and the others smiled and walked to the tonic for the kids.
"Scuttle me bones, boy! I'll slit your gizzard!" Lumpy yelled, as he stabbed as his wooden sword. It ripped through the sheets.
Then Marie poured on the spoons. "Oh, no, you won't," Roo cried. "Back! Back! Back, you villain!" As they moved through the sheets, he pushed his wooden sword against Lumpy's.
"Insolent pup!" Lumpy snarled.
Marie heard that as he turned, only to get the tonic on her paw. She put it down. "Wicked poacher!" Roo cried.
"Aha! I got you!" Lumpy shouted.
"You didn't either. You never touched me!" Roo smirked. When Marie licked it off, she was grossed out by the taste. "Oooh!" Marie grimaced, "This tonic does taste nasty." "Take that! And that! And that!" When Roo thrust his sword at Lumpy, he got it under his arm as if he made it look like he got him.
Pretending he was dead, Lumpy placed a hoof over his chest, groaned a fake death groan, and collapsed to the floor. That's when Hugh came into the nursery.
"Boys, boys. Less noise, please." Hugh said, without looking where he was going. He knocked the blocks down as Oliver, Berlioz, Toulouse, and Marie heard that, and they had to get them back together as they frowned in annoyance.
Lumpy saw him. "Oh, hello, papa." he said in a normal voice. But Roo was still playing.
"You old bilge rat!" Roo cried out.
Then Hugh heard that and was insulted. "Wha- wha-what? Now see here, Roo!"
"Oh, not you, papa. You see, he's Gil Nexdor." Lumpy told him.
"And Lumpy's Captain McLeach." Roo added.
"Yes, yes, of course. Er, have you seen my cuff links?" Hugh asked before he bumped Oliver, Berlioz, Toulouse, and Marie, knocking the blocks down again. "Oh, Oliver, Berlioz, Toulouse, Marie, for goodness' sake!" Hugh shouted, walking past the annoyed cats, "Where are those cuff links?" Oliver smashed the last blocks that were standing with his paw. "Here we go again!" said Berlioz, rolling his eyes. But Marie just giggled.
"Cuff links, papa?" asked Lumpy.
"Yes. The gold ones." Hugh answered, still looking around.
"Roo, the buried treasure," Lumpy whispered to his brother. "Where is it?"
"I don't know, Lumpy." Roo said in an innocent way.
"The map then… Where's the treasure map?" Lumpy whispered.
"It got lost." Roo said.
While Hugh was looking around the bed, he then spotted something under the covers, he was shocked as he shouted, "Good heavens! My shirt front!" He grabbed his shirt front.
"Hurray! You found it! You found it!" Roo cheered.
Hugh put it on, as he turned. He didn't know that it got chalk all over his shirt front, the one that looked like the lost map. "Yes, so I have. And hereafter..." As then, Roo came and pulled his shirt front "Don't paw me, Roo! This is my last clean..." It was loose as he has saw something shocking and horrifying. He saw a lost map. "No..." He can't say something, only he covered his shirt front shouting, "NO!"
Lila, now wearing a gold tiara with an emerald in the middle, came in and said, "Hugh dear, we really must hurry or we'll be late."
"Lila! Look!" Hugh said, showing Lila his shirt front.
Lila saw that and was shocked. "Hugh!"
"It's only chalk, papa." Roo said.
"Why, Roo..." Lila was about to say something when Lumpy cut in.
"It's not his fault," said Lumpy. "It's in the story. And Susan said..."
When Hugh heard what Lumpy said, he now knew what was up. "Susan? Story? I might have known." He walked to the door as he called out, "SUSAN?" He crossed his arms and called out even louder. "SUSAN!"
Susan heard him, walked in, and asked, "Yes, dad?"
"Would you kindly expl-" Hugh was about to say something. But Susan walked by him when she saw the radiance of Lila's dress.
"Oh, mom! You look simply lovely!" Susan said.
"Thank you, dear." Lila smiled.
Hugh turned to her in annoyance and said, "Susan..."
"Just my old gown made over but it did turn out right. And I-" Lila was about to say.
"Lila, if you don't mind, I'd..." Hugh said, as Susan turned and saw his shirt front.
"Why, dad! What have you done to your shirt?" Susan asked.
Hugh couldn't believe what she was saying. "What have I...?" He then turned and screamed in shame. "AAAAAOOOOOOOHHHHHH!"
Lila walked to him with a damp washcloth "Now, Hugh, really. It comes right off." She washed off the chalk on his shirt front.
"That's no excuse!" He frowned while Susan, Lumpy, and Roo were putting the toys away. "Susan, haven't I warned you? Stuffing the boys' heads with a lot of silly stories."
"Oh, but they aren't!" Susan protested.
"I say they are! Captain McLean! Gil Poacher!" Hugh said.
"Gil Nexdor, dad." Susan told him.
"Nexdor, poacher," Hugh shouted, trying to put on collar around his neck. "Poppycock!"
"Oh no, dad."
"Papa, have you ever-"
"You don't understand." The children tried to tell him.
"ABSOLUTE POPPYCOCK!" Hugh shouted, finally getting the collar together. "And let me tell you, this ridiculous..."
"Now, Hugh..." Lila said, about to do white bowtie.
"Now, Hugh! Now, Hugh!" He repeated of what Lila said, while Berlioz, Toulouse, and Marie were almost done helping Oliver put the blocks back up. But they stopped to listen. "WELL, 'NOW, HUGH' WILL HAVE HIS SAY!" He put the bowtie on himself, but he made a furious tangle.
"Please, dear." Lila said, fixing his tie neatly.
"Lila, the child's growing up," As when Oliver picked up two more blocks, he listened very carefully. "It's high time she had a room of her own!" He pointed at the hall as it shocked them all.
"Dad!" Susan gasped.
"Hugh!" Lila gasped.
"What?!" Lumpy gasped.
"No!" Roo gasped.
Oliver dropped all the blocks while he, Berlioz, Toulouse, and Marie gasped in shock and couldn't believe what they were hearing and what Hugh was doing. "I mean it! Young lady, this is your last night in the nursery!" he said, as Susan lowered her head in sadness. "And that's my last word on the matter!" He walked away, only to nearly stomp on Oliver, Berlioz, Toulouse, and Marie and tried to get out of the way. Hugh couldn't move around and was ready to fall. And he was losing his steps!
Oliver, Berlioz, Toulouse, and Marie moved away, as they fully stopped. But they nearly knocked the blocks again because Hugh bumped into them and knocked them down. Now they must move away before it happens. But Oliver stepped the wagon, rolled back, and fell as Hugh stepped on it and rolled around here. "NO!" And when Oliver, Berlioz, Toulouse, and Marie were rolling by, the wagon made a tear in the rug, and Hugh was sent flying as he yelled, "NO!" And with a large crash, he fell into the dresser, knocking the toys down. Susan, Lumpy, Roo, and Lila were shocked that Oliver, Berlioz, Toulouse, and Marie were against the wall.
As for Hugh, he was on the floor in pain, and last of the toys fell on his head, the last was the jack-in-the-box, and up popped the jack, as it stood on his head, which made Hugh mad and annoyed.
"Oh!" Susan, Lumpy, Roo, and Lila all said together. Hugh heard them, and knew that they saw him get hurt, and caring of him. So he closed his eyes and waited for them. But suddenly, they ran past him, which made Hugh open his widened eyes in shock. As they ran to Oliver, Berlioz, Toulouse, and Marie, but Hugh.
"Poor Oliver, Berlioz, Toulouse, and Marie." They said together again.
Hugh couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Poor Oliver, Berlioz, Toulouse, and Marie?" Now he was very angry as he hopped up on his feet when he stomped up and shouted, "This is the last straw!" He pointed his finger out the door shouting, "OUT! OUT, I SAY!"
Oliver, Berlioz, Toulouse, and Marie were hugging each other while Roo was clinging onto Marie's tail. "No, papa, no!" Roo pleaded.
Hugh grabbed Oliver by the tail while he, Berlioz, Toulouse, and Marie were still hugging each other and shouted, "YES! There'll be no more cats for butlers or nursemaids in this house!" Roo grabbed Marie's tail. But Lila stopped him by picking him up as Hugh was dragging Oliver, Berlioz, Toulouse, and Marie out the room.
Roo started to cry as he waved to his friends. "Goodbye, Oliver. Goodbye, Berlioz. Goodbye, Toulouse. Goodbye, Marie."
"Goodbye, Roo!" Marie said cheerfully, as she, her boyfriend, and her brothers waved goodbye back. As Hugh walked out to the back, he muttered to himself, "Poor Oliver, Berlioz, Toulouse, and Marie. Oh yes, poor Oliver, Berlioz, Toulouse, and Marie. But poor father? Oh, no." He let go of Oliver, Berlioz, Toulouse, and Marie and looked for some ropes, and couldn't find any. "Blast it! Where are those ropes?" He turned as he saw Oliver, Berlioz, Toulouse, and Marie holding four ropes in their mouths. Hugh walked to them and said, "Oh, thank you." As he was tying the ropes to Oliver, Berlioz, Toulouse, and Marie's collars, Oliver, Berlioz, Toulouse, and Marie gave him sad looks. "Oh, boy!" sighed Oliver. Hugh saw that and couldn't bear the sight. "Oh, dash it all, you four. D-Don't look at me like that."
He walked to the fountain and filled up Oliver, Berlioz, Toulouse, and Marie's dishes. He picked them up and filled them more. "It's nothing personal. It's just that- Well, you're not really butlers or a nurse at all You're… Well, four cats. And the children aren't kittens, they're a human, an elephant, and a kangaroo." He placed the water dishes near Oliver, Berlioz, Toulouse, and Marie. "And sooner or later, Oliver, Berlioz, Toulouse, and Marie, humans, elephants, and kangaroos have to grow up." He pet Oliver, Berlioz, Toulouse, and Marie's heads.
Inside the house, the kids are in their beds, as Lila knew that Hugh didn't mean to do that to Oliver, Berlioz, Toulouse, and Marie.
Susan looked depressed. "But mom, I don't want to grow up." she pleaded.
"Now dear," Lila said, as she kissed her on the forehead, removed the glasses from her eyes, and covered her up with a dark red blanket. "Don't worry about it anymore tonight."
As for Lumpy, he uses a mail cart as a bed. "He called Gil Nexdor 'absolute poppycock'." Lumpy said to himself after what his dad had said.
"I'm sure he didn't mean it, Lumpy," Lila said, as she took off his glasses and the mustache. "Father was just upset."
As for Roo, he uses a cradle as a bed. He had tears running down his cheeks. "Poor Oliver, Berlioz, Toulouse, and Marie," Roo sniffled. "out there all alone."
"No more tears, Roo. It's a warm night. They'll be all right." Lila said, as she covered him up with a blue blanket, kissed his forehead, and left.
Then Roo remembered something. "Mama?" he asked.
Lila turned around and asked, "What is it, dear?"
"Buried treasure." Roo had the cuff links that Hugh was looking for, and he gave them to Lila.
"Now, children, don't judge your father too harshly. After all, he really loves you very much." She walked to the window door, and was about to lock it up.
But Susan stopped her as she said, "Oh don't lock it, mom. He might come back."
"He?" Lila asked in a puzzled way.
"Yes, Gil Nexdor. You see, I found something that belongs to him." Susan said, as she lay down.
"Oh, and what's that?" asked Lila.
She yawned and said, "His shadow."
"Shadow?" Lila asked, very surprised.
"Mm-hmm. Oliver, Berlioz, Toulouse, and Marie had it, but I-I took it away." Susan said, as she drifted off to sleep.
"Oh? Yes, of course. Good night, dear." Lila said, as she turned off the light, walked out, and left for the party.
Category:Fan Fiction
Category:Peter Pan
Category:Peter Pan parodies