Roomies No. 1: The Pilot

The Pilot is the pilot episode to Roomies. The episode is written by Guysponge22. Rated TV-14.
==Act I==
<Two boys, Ian and Josh, are seen watching TV>
Ian: I'M BORED.
Josh: Why do I care? I'm not Dr. Phil.
<Sponge bursts into his house in through the door>
Sponge: HEY GAI-<slips from floor and lands on back>...WELL *bleep* YOU TO FLOOR.
Ian: This is your house, dumbass.
Sponge: Shut it, anyhow, I brought the stuff! <pulls out beers and tobacco> 
Josh: HELL YEAH! Let's go to the basement.
<<Basement>>
Josh: Yo... you... you need some Playboy magazines man. They're nude women, MAN!
Sponge: Oh I do? I never knew... anyhow, I AM SO HIGH. <falls to ground> SO. HIGH.
Ian: ...How much did he sniff? XD Anyhow, this beer. <drinks booze> I know underage drinking is wrong. But... BERRY-FLAVORED BEER MAN!
Josh: There needs to be a pizza-flavored beer! Pepperoni and cheesy goodness!
Sponge: Hey man... <gets up> I feel like... more glue!! <sniffs glue some more> AW YEAH... THAT'S THE STUFF.
Sponge's Mom: <offscreen> Honey, pizza!
Sponge: HELL YEAH, PIZZA!
Ian: <drunk> Oh yeah... breasts.
Josh: ...Pizza doesn't have boobs, Ian. You drunk?
Ian: <stares at Josh> No *bleep* dumbass.
Sponge's Dad: <offscreen> IMMA KICK YOUR ASSES IF YOU USE THAT LANGUANGE AGAIN.
<<Sponge's Kitchen>>
Sponge's Dad: I wanna know how you dumbasses think you can say the 's' word in my house. That deserves a swift ass-whooping.
Sponge's Mom: Now, Abrar, don't say that language.
<Ian comes in with half-empty beer>
Ian: BITCHIN'. <falls to ground>
Sponge: Dammit, Ian, not NOW.
Abrar: I cannot believe you people. Know what? You're not going to the movies!
Sponge: DAD! I really wanted to see Invincible 7! It's the final installment!
Sponge's Mom: Sponge... that's what you said about the third one... and the fourth one... and-
Josh: Ms. Sponge's Mom, you can't do this. I really wanted to see that movie!
Abrar: You can't, and you won't. I will make sure of that, also, get your dumbass friend up. Anyhow, I need to get to work, I'm already an hour late.
<Ian gets up and falls back down>
Josh: Ehh... he needs a beer break...
==Act II==
LATER...
<Steve appears>
Ian: You brought the money?
Steve: Yup. <brings out booze and money for film tickets>
Ian: MY BABIES!
Steve: C'mon, before Abrar and Mina notice.
<The gang drives to the theater, and asks for tickets>
Ticket girl: You sure you're their Guardian?
Steve: Yeah, completely.
Ticket girl: Okay... Room 12...
<<Room 12>>
Ian: XXXZ is hilarious!
Sponge: I know, surprised the lady believed you were our guardian! I mean, you're not related to any of us!
Steve: Yeah... I'm not... Anyhow, Josh, where the heck did you get the popcorn?
Josh: I 'unno, found $30 lying around, so I picked it up. <eats some popcorn> ...EW. It tastes like crap!
Steve: Well... hey... is Ian... oh damn...
<We see Ian finishing a beer bottle>
Sponge: Can I ask something first? HOW MANY BEERS DO YOU DRINK?! <shushed> Sorry...
Ian: Usually three a week. But I'm on a roll today! 
<Ian then falls to the ground, severly drunk>
Steve <whisper>: DAMMIT! I knew I shouldn't have brought the beers!!
Ian: OOGA BOOGA BOOBIES!!
Steve: Craaaaaaaaaaaap... <theater tennant comes to Steve>
Tennant: Is... is that a beer bottle?
Ian/Steve/Josh/Sponge: NO.
Tennant: <through talkie> We have a breaker, Code 7A. I repeat, a breaker, Code 7A. I'm going to have to detach you four, till further notice.
Sponge: YOU CAN'T DO THAT!
Tennant: Yes I can. <other theater hands come in> Kick 'em out.
Theater Hand #1: Your asses are outside for now.
Steve <thought>: Damn my stupidity.
Josh <thought>: Yeah, screw you.
Steve <thought>: HOW CAN YOU HEAR MY THOUGHTS?!
Josh: Magic.
<the gang is outside>
Tennant: YOU'RE KICKED OUT.
Josh: GREAT JOB DUMBASS.
[Commercial break]
==Act III==
Josh: IAN, YOU GODDAMNED DUMBASS. WHY, DID YOU DRINK THOSE BEERS?!
Ian: Hey! Steve's the one who brought them!
Steve: YOU'RE THE ONE THAT FREAKING ASKED FOR 'EM!
Ian: Well... Sponge-
Sponge: You bring me into this, I cut off your finger.
<silence>
Sponge: ...Sorry...
Steve: Let's just get in the car. <everyone gets in> Oh, look, a beer from last week.
Ian: ...Last... week? <throws up on side>
<<Sponge's House, 9:14 PM>>
<Abrar is outside>
Sponge <thought>: Crap! They found out!
Abrar: Hello, son, and dumbasses... Sponge... when you go out to somewhere without permission, and with these hooligans... You realize your gonna get your ass handed to you?
Sponge: Yeaaaaaaaaaaaah. I'm-
Abrar: Don't wanna hear it. You guys go to bed, and Steve... go back home, or else.
Steve: Alright sir... <drives away> God, he is scary.
Josh: We're so screwed. 
Sponge: No dip, Sherlock! 
Abrar: Hey guys... who wants to go first? <clenches fist> Let's see... Sponge.
Sponge: Aw... dammit...
===Post-credits scene===
<Sponge walks to room, limping>
Sponge: Don't... don't go in the kitchen...
Ian/Josh: Why not?
Sponge: Just, don't. It's terrible.
<Ian opens kitchen door anyways>
Sponge's Mom: MARCO
Sponge's Dad: POLO
Josh: OH GOD
<Ian and Josh run, while Ian quickly grabs a beer>
Category:Roomies
Category:Shows
Category:Comedy
Category:Pages created by Guysponge22