The Very Late Show

The Very Late Show is the second episode of the first season of SpongeThorne. It was written by , and .
== Transcript ==
(Episode begins at Hoopla and Temmie’s house, where Hoopla is watching a talk show)
Hoopla: (narrating) Talk shows have always interested me. They're so fascinating. Don't you love talk shows?
Temmie: tem duz not care about tawk shoes
Hoopla: I was asking Dave.
(The camera pans over to Dave chilling in the kitchen)
Dave: Hi.
Temmie: aww
Announcer: And welcome back to The Very Late Show with your host, Dawn Drusilla!
(the audience claps as we cut to the talk show, where Garviel's being interviewed)
Dawn: So, uh… Garviel, what’s your biggest talent?
Garviel: Eating lasagna.
(the audience laughs)
Dawn: Mine too.
(the audience laughs again)
Dawn: You know, they say humans are like 90% water or something, so I'm probably 90% lasagna at this point.
Garviel: Oh, I get you sister. My owner Jhon is probably 90% a twat by now too.
(the audience laughs way too loud at this and clap)
Garviel: You know, I may be limited to 2-3 words in my strips, but there aren't enough words in the English dictionary to describe his extreme lack of sense!
(the audience laughs once again as we cut back to Hoopla)
Hoopla: Oh, Temmie, I'd give anything to be on a talk show. With all my adoring fans patiently hanging on every wor-
(the phone rings)
Temmie: tem get it!1
(Temmie runs over to the phone)
Hoopla: (screaming) TEMMIE! DON'T YOU FU-
(he sighs as Temmie answers the phone)
Temmie: hoi dis is pisss paranormal investmentgator-
Hoopla: (quickly snatches the phone from Temmie) Sorry about her. Who is this?
Executive: Hi, is this Hoopla? The guy who caught a ghost at that crappy restaurant in SpongeThorne last week?
Hoopla: (nervous) Uh, yeah, uh- (nervously chuckles) yeah that's me. Don't have to make a whole song and dance about it, heh-heh…
Executive: Well, we've heard all about you and would love you to be a guest on The Very Late Show!
Hoopla: OK, you can stop with the prank now, come on, who are you?
Executive: You didn’t get prank’d, bro. This is legit.
Hoopla: WAIT WHAT I'VE BEEN INVITED TO A TALK SHOW O MY GOD THIS IS THE GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE-
Executive: (unfazed) Yeah, sure, kid. Just come to (address withheld) tomorrow ernoon and we'll get you on TV.
Hoopla: Wow! I can't believ- (the executive hangs up)
Dave: Who was that? Anyone nice?
Hoopla: Dave, Temmie! I'm gonna be on The Very Late Show!
Dave: Really, because you were literally just thinking about how badly you wanted-
Hoopla: Who cares how much of a coincidence it is? I’m gonna be on a talk show! WOOO! HOOPLA!
(theme song, we then cut to Hoopla adjusting his ghost sucker in the kitchen the next day)
Dave: Dude, what's this you're making?
Hoopla: Oh, I'm just making adjustments to this ghost-sucky thing. Doesn't really have a name yet.
Dave: You know, when you talk about wanting to capture ghosts, it, well, kinda makes me feel a little uncomfortable.
Hoopla: Oh, don't worry! After this modification it won't just be able to catch ghosts, but theoretically all supernatural beings!
Dave: Cool! So when you gonna test it out?
Hoopla: Well, I'm supposed to film the talk show later today, so maybe we could do it tonight?
Dave: I'm down for that bro!
(Temmie enters the room)
Temmie: hoopwa?
Hoopla: Yes, Tem?
Temmie: um tem wood wike 2 ask u something
Hoopla: What is it?
Temmie: tem wood wike… (sighs) a pet.
(pause)
Dave: You mean like a dog or something?
Temmie: or a kittin! or a bird! or a wamster!
Hoopla: Don't you mean a hamster?
Temmie: no, a wamster!
(pause)
Dave: Sure, I mean-
Hoopla: I'm sorry, Tem, but I just don't think this is a safe household for a pet. I don't want anything to interfere with my work.
Temmie: but-
Hoopla: No buts, Tem!
(Temmie looks really sad)
Hoopla: Oh, Tem-
(Temmie gives him the puppy eyes)
Hoopla: I'm sorry, Temmie. Right, I'm off out. I'll see you guys later. Dave, you look after the machine.
Dave: You got it captain!
Hoopla: Make sure nothing goes wrong! See ya!
Temmie and Dave: bye!
(Hoopla leaves)
Dave: So… you wanna completely disregard what he just said and go look for a pet?
Temmie: yaya!!1!
Dave: Then let’s get at it!
(cut to Hoopla walking to the bus stop)
Hoopla: The worst part of getting onto a bus is the bus driver. They always give me the creeps. (he looks at his watch) The bus should be arriving about… now! (The bus shows up at the exact moment he says “now”)
Bus driver: C’mon kid, I haven’t got all day.
(Hoopla goes in the bus and nervously gives the bus driver a nickel)
Bus driver: Just go take a seat.
(Hoopla looks over his seat choices. All the choices are seats next to weird people, except one)
Hoopla: I'll take that one.
Bus driver: What do I look like, a kindergarten teacher? If you want that seat then take it and stop wasting my time!
Hoopla: Okay, okay, no need to be so rude.
(he takes the seat immediately next to a guy with braces who starts heavily breathing)
Hoopla: Um, are you okay?
Passenger: Oh my gosh, you're the guy who caught that ghost! I’ve never met such a famous guy before! Can you sign my braces?
(Hoopla sighs, takes out a marker, and writes his name on the guy's braces)
Passenger: Oh my gosh! I'm never gonna take these off again!
Hoopla: (confused) Just a normal day in SpongeThorne, I guess……
"Meanwhile…"
(We cut to Dave and Temmie inside a pet shop with all sorts of exotic, mythological, and normal animals. Dave is wearing a pair of fake glasses and a trenchcoat, as well as the ghost-sucker.)
Dave: Here we are, Pets Is We!
Temmie: y not pets r us?
Dave: They had to change it for copyright reasons.
Temmie: y do you have hoop's ghost ting on u?
Dave: In case we get bored. (pause) Let's have a look around.
Temmie: tem wants da snek!
Dave: Uh, are you sure? You’ve only looked around for 5.6 seconds. I’m sure there’s plenty of other options better than a snake.
Temmie: (grabs Dave by the collar) lisen bub if tem sez tem wans da snek tem wans da snek!!1!
Dave: Fine. (He goes up to the cash register person) We'll take the snake.
Temmie: hehe dat rhymd
Cashier: Um, are you a ghost?
(pause)
Dave: No.
(pause)
Cashier: Well okay then! That'll be $49.95.
Tem: das wun expensive snek
Dave: (checks his wallet) Do you take Chuck E. Cheese tokens?
Cashier: (laughs) Looks like you're trying to bite off more than you can chew. Come, I'll give you a tour and maybe you'll find something a little more on the cheap side.
(cut back to Hoopla on the bus)
Passenger: (whispering to the person behind them) Hey, you!
Passenger 2: Uh, me?
Passenger: Do you know who this is?
Passenger 2: Oh my gosh! Is that Hoopla?!
Passenger: The one and only!
Passenger 2: I'm his biggest fan!
Hoopla: I can hear you, you know.
(the bus stops)
Bus driver: We've arrived at Stoker Studios. Whoever's getting off here, get off soon. I've got other places to be.
Hoopla: Finally.
(Hoopla steps off the bus and it drives off)
Hoopla: Maybe being regionally famous isn't all it's cracked up to be.
(he looks up at the studio which gives off an eerie and unusual vibe, and Garviel exits the studio, looking somewhat nervous)
Hoopla: Oh my gosh! It's Garviel! I'm your number one fan!
Garviel: (depressed) Yeah, yeah. That’s what they all say.
Hoopla: Um, are you alright?
Garviel: Look, kiddo, I don't know if it's just me, but there's something… off about this place. Gives me the heebie jeebies. 'Specially that Dawn gal.
Hoopla: Oh. Well uh… could you at least sign my notebook?
(Garviel reluctantly takes out a Garviel pen™ and signs Hoopla's notebook)
Hoopla: Thanks!
(Garviel briskly walks away without looking back, afraid)
Hoopla: I wonder what Dawn is like.
(he enters the building and greets the receptionist)
Hoopla: Hi, I'm Hoopla. I'm, uh, supposed to be a guest on a show.
(the receptionist stares at him, unfazed)
Hoopla: I think, unless it was a prank.
(pause)
Hoopla: Um-
(the receptionist phones someone)
Receptionist: He's here. (hangs up) Take a seat, kiddo, we'll be with you in a minute.
Hoopla: Uh, thanks.
(he sits down in the waiting room next to a couple)
Hoopla: What’re you in for?
Husband: This isn’t prison, you idiot. We’re here to be interviewed.
Hoopla: o.
(Suddenly Aidan appears from thin air)
Aidan: hey that's my line im suing
Hoopla: Oh, come on! Just because I'm regionally famous doesn't mean I need to be robbed of every penny I have!
(He looks back at the couple and they're gone)
Hoopla: woah what the clamety crap
Aidan: Yeah, where'd they go?
Hoopla: And more importantly, why the hell are you here?
Aidan: o, my o radar went off.
(he holds out a device labelled the "o radar". It starts beeping)
Aidan: o, there it goes again! I'll see you around, Hoop!
(he leaves)
Hoopla: Maybe Garviel was right, this place is weird.
(Suddenly Prim appears from thin air)
Prim: Garviel's never wrong, is he?
Hoopla: What are you doing here?
Prim: Oh my Garviel radar went off.
(he holds out what is basically the exact same device but labelled the "Garviel Radar")
Prim: I'm his biggest fan. (whispers) I made him that's why.
Hoopla: Uh… sure.
Prim: Also, we hang out here all the time. It's great really.
(An eerie-looking employee enters)
Employee: Mr., uh, what's your last name?
Hoopla: Honestly I don't know.
Employee: Anyway, Hoopla, you're on in five.
Hoopla: Cool! I can't wait!
Employee: Yes, it's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to die for.
Hoopla: What was that last part?
Employee: Uh, nothing. Come this way sir.
(cut back to the pet shop)
(They follow the cashier into the fish section. Dave is eating some cheese & onion chips.)
Cashier: Sir, you can't eat in the pet shop.
Dave: Oh, sorry.
(he puts the bag in the trenchcoat's pocket)
Dave: Sorry about my breath.
Temmie: (adorably squeals) all da fis r so COOT! tem wans da wed snappew!
Dave: The what now?
Temmie: tem said tem wans de wed snappew!!1!
Dave: Okay, fine. How much for the red snapper?
Cashier: $999.95
Temmie: das wun expensive wed snappew
Dave: What do I look like? Fort Knox?
Cashier: (laughs) You're funny.
Dave: Sorry Temmie, maybe we can get something else?
Temmie: (sad) but tem WEALY wans da wed snapper!
Dave: Sorry, but- (Temmie gives him the puppy eyes) Aw...
(cut to the employee guiding Hoopla down a mysterious hallway)
Hoopla: This isn't exactly how I imagined a TV studio to look.
Employee: Yes, that's what everyone says.
(Hoopla is led into another waiting room)
Employee: If you could just wait in here until your cue, Bob.
Hoopla: My name's Hoopla.
Employee: I don't care.
(The employee leaves. Hoopla tries to make himself comfy on a chair. He looks around. There are no mirrors in the room.)
Hoopla: I really did not imagine it to be like this at all.
(He keeps trying to make himself comfortable on the chair, when a mysterious figure shows up)
???: Ah, Hoopla, isn’t it?
Hoopla: Yeah.
???: Good, good. Now lemme ask you a few questions about yourself.
Hoopla: Okay.
???: First question. (he looks at a piece of paper he has in his hands) How did you catch the ghost?
Hoopla: Well I didn’t really catch him. His name is Dave and I befriended him.
???: Interesting. Right, we'll just wait for your cue and it's showtime.
Hoopla: Great! HOOPLA!
(the camera pans over to a monitor displaying raw footage of the show being shot live)
Dawn: My next guest has been making headlines recently for being the first man-
Sexist Lady: (off-screen) That's sexist!
Dawn: Alright, person, to catch a ghost. All the way from some place called SpongeThorne, it's Hoopla!
(the audience applauds as Hoopla is led on stage. He sits down, looking half nervous and half uncomfortable.)
Dawn: So, Hoopla. How long have you been catching ghosts?
Hoopla: (visibly nervous) Um… I've been trying for as long as I can remember.
Dawn: Fascinating, you must really enjoy tearing apart whilst simultaneously exposing the supernatural world, hm?
Hoopla: (even more nervous) Well, I, uh, wouldn't put it that way but I just think it's great all the discoveries and scientific advancements I'm making so manki-
Sexist Lady: (off-screen) Also sexist!
Hoopla: Sorry! So we can all get a better understanding of the strange and supernatural!
Dawn: Oh, I think I understand it perfectly...
Hoopla: What do you mean…?
Dawn: Seize him!
(the audience jump out of their seats and charge towards Hoopla)
Hoopla: (screams like a girl) WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?!
Dawn: We're vampires you damn fool! And we've been given command to execute you for the damage you've done to our secret world!
Hoopla: What the-
(he runs out into the hallway)
Dawn: Don't just stand there! Get him!
(The audience of vampires and Dawn chase him down the hallway as bats. Aidan and Prim are still there eating some garlic bread. Hoopla looks outside, it is now dark.)
Hoopla: Shit! It's dark outside!
Aidan: mmmmmm I love garlic bread yum
Hoopla: Aidan? What the hell are you doing back here?! There's a whole swarm of vampires chasing after me?
Aidan: Oh, this garlic bread is so good! The receptionist must be allergic to it or something, though.
(pan over to the receptionist lying dead on the floor)
Hoopla: Garlic! That's it! Do you have any more of that stuff?
Aidan: (shoving it in his face) Sorry, mate, I ate it all.
Hoopla: Oh come on! You barricade the door and I'll call for reinforcements!
Aidan: You got it boss! (Aidan blocks the door before the vampires an enter and Hoopla takes his phone out and calls Temmie)
Temmie: hOI!!11!! dis tem!
Hoopla: Temmie! It's me Hoopla! Listen, the talk show was a trap! Come quickly with the ghost sucker! And garlic and onions and shit!
Temmie: oke (hangs up) hoopwa in twouble!
Dave: Oh no! What did he say?
Temmie: he set 2 cum to tawk shoe with gost suckr n garlic n onioms n sht!
Dave: (confused) That's weird. But we better do what he says! Come on!
(they run off as we cut back to Aidan holding the door to reception in)
Aidan: I can't hold it much longer!
Prim: Don't tell me you're gonna barf on the floor. That shit's disgusting.
Aidan: Not the garlic bread. The door, you overweight feline!
Prim: I'm not overweight, I'm undertall.
Hoopla: GUYS! THERE ARE F***ING VAMPIRES OUT TO KILL US!
Prim: Lay off the drugs, man. We all know vampires aren't real.
Aidan: Then what the hell is behind this door I'm holding shu-
(the vampires burst through the door)
Aidan: Uh-oh.
(They all back against the wall.)
Prim: Okay, maybe I take that last part back. Vampires are definitely real.
Aidan: (scared) Is this how I die? But I wanted to buy more companies and shit!
Prim: Oh god oh f**k.
(Temmie and Dave suddenly burst through the door.)
Dave: Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's Dave!!
(Dave's bad breath from the chips he ate earlier wafts over to the vampires.)
Dawn: Ugh! What is that horrible smell?!
Dave: Cheese and onion. Why, you hun- (he notices the vampires but is unfazed) oh, hi, vampires!
Temmie: (holding garlic bread, onions and a bag of dog shit) tem got garlic bwed an onions an shit!
Dave: Wait, you didn't mean for us to literally bring shit, did you?
Dawn: Oh no. Boss ain't gonna be happy about this!
Hoopla: Temmie! Throw!
(Temmie throws a pile of garlic bread and onions at the vampires and they start melting.)
Dawn: I'm melting! MELTING! Oh, what a world, what a world…
Hoopla: Dave! The ghost sucker!
Dave: If it can suck up more than just-
Hoopla: JUST USE IT!
Dave: Alrighty then, whatever you say!
(He uses the sucker to suck up the vampires.)
Dawn: THIS ISN'T THE LAST YOU'VE SEEN OF ME!!!
(Dave successfully sucks up all the vampires.)
Dave: That's how it's done and it's finger-licking good!
(They all cheer.)
Prim: Well, Hoopla, I must say you suck a good vampire. Also no, not in THAT way.
Dave: Hey, I did the honours!
Aidan: Pinch me, Prim. Pinch me.
(Prim pinches him)
Aidan: OWIE!
Prim: Not my fault, I have cat claws.
Hoopla: There's one thing I don't understand, though.
Prim: Why a bunch of vampires were running a TV studio?
Hoopla: No. The interviewer lady said they were sent by some boss guy to kill us. Like bounty hunters, I guess. Maybe there's even more going on in SpongeThorne than I thought!
Dave: Sounds like you've had an eventful day.
Hoopla: You bet! Also, what were you doing while I was gone?
(cut to Hoopla's backyard. Temmie is playing with a pet dog.)
Temmie: tem calls him mr spwikles! (laughs)
Mr. Sprinkles: woof woof.
Hoopla: (unimpressed) You got her a dog?
Dave: (guilty) ...sorry?
Hoopla: (laughs) Oh, Dave, you are so irresponsible. I'm gonna go put the ghost-sucker away. Don't want it getting in the wrong hands, what with all the vampires chilling out inside it and all…
Dave: (laughs) Yeah, wouldn't it be funny if some idiot released them onto the town or something?
Hoopla: (laughs) Yeah.
(The camera glitches out into some hellish dimension. A monster approaches some kind of authority figure.)
???: (worried) Boss, um… They've captures the vampires
????: WHAT?!! Dawn failed me? Grr… looks like that Hoopla is more clever than I thought. We're gonna have to try harder if we're gonna catch him. Much, much harder.
(the unknown person lets out an evil laugh as the episode fades to black.)
== Code ==
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== Trivia ==
*The name of the TV studio, "Stoker Studios"' references the author of Dracula, Bram Stoker.
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