Prince John and the Wolf and Rhino Guards

Neverland is a small island and one the sea was a lonely pirate ship and we hear singing going on there.
We zoom in on the ship and see Prince John's rhino guards and the Sheriff of Nottingham's wolf guards set up a flag of the Jolly Roger on the mast.
Wolf and Rhino Guards: Oh a rhino's life is a wonderful lifeA-rovin' over the seaGive me a career as a pachydermIt's the life of a rhino for meOh, the life of a rhino for me
Some wolf and rhino guards are playing with darts on a picture of a crude drawing of Prince John on a door.
Wolf and Rhino Guards: Oh, a wolf's life is a wonderful lifeThey never bury your bonesFor when it's all overA jolly sea rover drops in on his friend Scar the Lion
Just about then, the door opened and an olive green snake, wearing an orange-red cape and matching hat with a feather, named Sir Hiss came out.
Sir Hiss and Wolf and Rhino Guards: Oh, my good friend Scar the Lion
"Good morning, ship mates." Sir Hiss said only to get caught by a first rhino guard.
"And what's good about it, Sir Hiss?" asked the first rhino guard.
"Here we are collecting barnacles on this miserable island!" the second rhino guard.
"While his nibs plays ring-around-the rosy with Gideon the Cat." the first wolf guard said sticking his gun at Sir Hiss.
"Look out there. Might go off!" Sir Hiss panicked but got his neck in a rope knot by the second wolf guard.
"We ought to be tending to the business of looting ships." the second one said.
"Why, I've almost forgotten how to slit a throat." the third rhino guard said, using his dagger and got Sir Hiss free.
"Better drop it." the third wolf guard gangster said as they all threw daggers at the stairs as Sir Hiss tried to avoid them.
"And tell His Highness we want to put to sea, Hiss!" the second rhino guard said.
All the rhino and wolf guards laughed as Sir Hiss stuck out his tongue and slithered away. A mountain lion with gold fur, wearing a golden crown, a light blue shirt, brown sandals, and a ruby red robe was looking at a map. He is Prince John. He had one of his paws cut off by Gideon and now has a silver hook and now he want revenge.
"Blast that Gideon the Cat!" Prince John snarled. "If I could only find his hideout, I'd trap him in his lair. But where is it?" He starts to look at the map "Mermaid lagoon? No, we searched that. We've combed Cannibal Cove. But here!" He stuck his silver hook at the far north west on the map but then groaned "No, no, no, no. That's the domestic cat territ… But wait…" he took a good closer at the map "Those domestic cats know this island better than I do me own ship. Ah, I wonder…"
At that moment, Sir Hiss slithered in. "Good morning, captain."
"I'VE GOT IT!" Prince John cheered as he grabbed Sir Hiss with his hook pulled him closer "Sagwa the Chinese Siamese Cat, Hiss!"
"S-S-Sagwa the Ch-Ch-Chinese S-S-Siamese cat, sire?" Sir Hiss asked, very afraid.
"Cat R. Waul's daughter!" Prince John said, "She'll know where Gideon is hiding."
"B-B-But-But will she talk, sire?" asked Sir Hiss as Prince John let go.
"Oh, a little persuasion might be in order.. Now let me see. Boiling in oil? Uh, keelhauling? Marooning?" Prince John said as he thought as another rhino guard was singing horribly with his accordion.
Oh, a pirate's life
Is a wonderful life
You'll find adventure and sport
But live every minute
For all that is in it
The life of a pirate is short
Oh, the life
Having enough of his singing, Prince John got out a gun and aimed it. As Sir Hiss got the shaving pack ready, the shot was heard and Sir Hiss heard a accordion fall and splashed in the water. He took a look only to get splashed in the face. Prince John put away his gun.
"Now let me see, where was I?" asked Prince John.
"Oh dear, dear, dear sire. Shooting a man in the middle of his cadenza? It ain't good form, you know." Sir Hiss said.
"Good form, Sir Hiss?" asked Prince John in a smooth voice first, and then yell angrily as he pushed the table aside and approached Sir Hiss and waving his hook. "BLAST GOOD FORM! DID GIDEON SHOW GOOD FORM WHEN HE DID THIS TO ME?!"
"Why sire, cutting your hand off was only a childish prank you might say." Sir Hiss said as he removed Prince John's robe.
"Aye, but throwing it to those hyenas! Those cursed beasts liked the taste of me so well they've followed me ever since licking their chops for the rest of me!" Prince John said loudly at first and then said in a low voice as he sat down in the chair which Sir Hiss brought.
"And they've had you by now, sire, if one of them hadn't swallowed that alarm clock. But now when they're about, they warn you, as you might say with their tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock." Sir Hiss said.
Speaking off tick-tock, there was a sound of tick-tocking heard. Sir Hiss and Prince John heard it. Prince John's face was in fear. There below his ship were three hyenas named Shenzi, Banzai, and Ed. "Well, what do we have here now?" Shenzi said, "It's the delicious, yummy Prince John. We're going to eat him!" When they saw Prince John, the three hyenas licked their mouths, hungry for a lion. Prince John screamed.
"HISS!" He screamed as he leapt onto Sir Hiss's chest "Oh, save me, Hiss! Please don't let them get me, Hiss! Please! Don't let them get me, Hiss! Hiss!"
He hid behind a chair while Sir Hiss went to Shenzi, Banzai, and Ed. "Here now, shame on you three, upsetting the poor captain. There'll be no handouts today." "Oh, come on, Hiss!" Banzai pleaded, "May we please eat Prince John just one bite?" "No," replied Sir Hiss. "Shoo now, shoo. Go on, go on. Off with you, I say. Go away. Go away, out of here!" And as he said that, Shenzi, Banzai, and Ed went away. "Oh, well!" he sighed, "We'll eat him next time." Shenzi agreed.
Prince John appeared from behind the sheet of the chair. "A-A-Are they gone, Hiss?" he said in a scared voice.
"Aye, Sire. All clear. Nothing to worry about." Sir Hiss said as he tried to relax his shaking captain.
"Oh, Hiss, Hiss. I can't stand it any longer. I tell you I can't!" Prince John said as Sir Hiss sat him down on the chair.
"Now, now, now, Captain, just relax. What you need is a shave, a nice soothing shave. There now" Sir Hiss said as he put a towel around Prince John's head. The lion prince sighed. A seagull saw the towel and sat on it and fell asleep as Sir Hiss sang.
Is a wonderful life
a-sailing over the seas
give me a career as a buc…
Sir Hiss didn't see that he was putting shaving cream on the seagull's bottom. "Captain, you know, I can't help noticing you just aunt been your usual jolly self of late." He picked up a razor and wiped it on a towel "Give a career as a buccaneer… And the crew's getting? a might uneasy, Captain. That is, what's left of it. Hmm." He was using the razor on the seagull's bottom and it wiped out her fathers. "Now why don't we put to sea, see? Leave Neverland. Forget Gideon the Cat. There now!" he put some aftershave on the seagull's bottom. The seagull woke up and in horror, flew away covering her behind. Sir Hiss didn't see her go because he was putting some power on his tail. "Give me a career as a buccaneer… We'll all be a lot happier, not to mention a lot healthier. Oh!" He put his tail out only to find out he was doing it in mid air. "Captain? Oh dear! I never shaved him this close before." He never dared to look, so he didn't to look for it under the chair. "Don't worry captain, it must be somewhere about."
He begin to slither off with the chair carrying him. The towel fell from Prince John's face and he looked down to see Sir Hiss making a fool of himself slithering to find something.
"Get up, you silly serpent!" Prince John snapped.
"Aye, aye, sir!" Sir Hiss said knocking the chair and Prince John to one side of the ship. Sir Hiss turned around to see him dazed. "Oh, I found it, sire. Good as new." He tried to pull his head off only for Prince John to wake up very angry.
"Why, you blithering boa!" Prince John cried, as he held Sir Hiss by the neck and was about to kill him when…
"Gideon the Cat, ahoy!" the fourth rhino guard called from the watcher.
"What? What? Where away?" Prince John asked.
"Three points off the starboard bow!" the fourth wolf guard called.
Prince John looked through his telescope and saw Gideon with Alice, Cody, and Edmond. "Swoggle me eyes, it is Gideon! Headed this way with his girlfriend and her brothers! Sir Hiss, pipe up the crew!"
"Aye, aye, sir! Pipe up the crew! Pipe up the crew! All hands on deck!" He said as he whistled "All hands on deck! All hands on deck! All hands on deck!" All the pirates rose up and got into action.
"Look alive, you swabs! We've got him this time, Sir Hiss!" He said as he put on his blue robe.
"That we have captain".
Prince John called to his henchmen. "Man the Long Tom, you bilge rats!" He went to Sir Hiss and put on his gold crown. "I've waited years for this."
"That's not counting the holidays either." Sir Hiss said.
"Double the powder and shorten the fuse!" Prince John ordered as one of his rhino guards and one of his wolf guards got the cannon ready.
"Double the powder and shorten the fuse!" Sir Hiss repeated.
"A pretty sight, Sir Hiss. Like sitting ducks. All right, men! Range: 42!" Prince John said as he used his telescope to pin point Gideon, Alice, Cody, and Edmond on a cloud viewing Neverland.
"Range: 42!" Sir Hiss said.
"Elevation: 65!" Prince John ordered as Sir Hiss repeated after him. "Three degrees west!" Sir Hiss repeated again. "Steady now!" This time, Sir Hiss didn't repeat. He covered his head with his hat and cowered down in fear. "Steady!"
Category:Fan Fiction
Category:Peter Pan
Category:Peter Pan parodies