The Kelp/Issue IX

==Introduction==
Hello, ladies and gentlemen! We're back for the ninth! Yes! The ninth issue of your favorite or not newspaper is out for you guys to enjoy in the palm of your hands or on a big massive screen! Let me go! --"You called me crap, didn't you? Didn't you? That's not very nice, is it?" (talk) 09:04, March 21, 2015 (UTC)
==News==
===Activity is Back, and is on Fire!===
Ever since around last week, activity on the wiki has been very plenty. The whole place is so active and everyone's simply back to the wiki's old, good state. 
===Season 6 Project===
Ghastlyop has created Season 6 Reimagined and multiple users have lined up and are participating in this activity-increasing event. 
===Video Games Galore===
SBCA has announced that he will be releasing two new video games; Bikini Bottom Clash of Clans and POBA 2K15, a vgame based on Basket Sponge. A promotional poster has also been posted. What do you think will come in these games? I think it's pretty obvious, lol. But you've got to check them out!
===Cosmobo and Powerkip===
NOTE: BEFORE READING THIS, REMEMBER THAT THIS IS JUST A THEORY AND PLEASE (TO COSMOBO AND POWERKIP) I AM NOT TRYING TO OFFEND YOU IN ANY WAY. 
You know Powerkip as Cosmobo's BFF in RL or something, but something weird has just happened. I just can't explain. This is how it goes: Cosmobo allegedly told me on my talk page that Powerkip was threatening to delete ALL of any Channel Chasers episodes/pages. About 2 weeks later, Powerkip has told me on my talk page that he was innocent and didn't do anything. Then Cosmobo started saying that he was "hacked" and said "Hopefully, this will never happen again." Why would Cosmobo be hacked by a person and say to ME that POWERKIP is threatening to delete CHANNEL CHASERS? Isn't it too specific? Everyone, I need YOUR answers to this.
But hey, that's just a theory, a Game Theory. Thanks for watching.
==Weather==
Before the weather, I'm Mrs Chandler Bong here, but you can just call me Bong. Actually, scrap that. I'm here to present to you a guest section on the first total eclipse since about 1999. We got to see it on Friday (yesterday, the 20th) at school but we only saw a partial eclipse while in some other places like Scotland, total eclipse. And apparently in Scandinavia it's nearly pitch black. This was the first time in 16 years this has happened. A solar eclipse happened on the same day as a solstice, thus creating a supermoon. AKA... It's closer than usual. In 76 years, it'll happen again... but uh partial eclipses will happen on and off again. Anyway, a solar eclipse is when the Moon either completely or partially blocks the Sun from our sight - and we need extra-special glasses to look at it. That was me, Mrs Chanandler Bong, with Random Space Reviews--a solar eclipse special.
Like all the issues of The Kelp these will always be real listings.
===USA===
If you live in the USA then you will have some warm weather but not over the top. At 5 degrees and a whooping 15mph of wind you may only need one small jacket. Stay safe in the wind and enjoy the weather!
===UK===
The UK will be lucky and I really mean lucky. It's going to be very warm with the temperatures going up to 11 degrees. The warmest we had in a few weeks. Just walk out and enjoy the fresh air without any worries at all.
===Philippines===
The weather in the upcoming days will be pretty gloomy due to one of the first typhoons of the year. But after that we will be experiencing heat, heat, and more heat! So, because you peeps will be having summer vacation, go on and head to the beach! It will be 31 degrees so no need to worry.
==Sports==
===BREAKING NEWS: STEVE NASH RETIRES===
After a 19-year NBA career in which he twice won MVP honors, tallied the third-most assists in league history and assured his place in the Hall of Fame as one of the greatest point guards to play the game, Steve Nash formally announced he is walking away from the game Saturday in a letter published on The Players' Tribune website.
Nash is the most accurate free throw shooter in NBA history, edging Mark Price's career mark at 90.4 percent. And for nine straight seasons from 2001-02 in Dallas through 2008-09 in Phoenix, Nash quarterbacked squads that ranked No. 1 in the league in offense.
===Kevin Durant Injured, Paul George Returns===
Another injury for Kevin Durant. He will have to miss a lot of games and is unkown if he will return soon. On the good side, Paul George will be returning after his grusome leg injury a year ago. 
==SBFW History Quiz==
Hello and welcome back to another edition of the SBFW History Quiz! This time, I decided to have a real quiz!
1. When was the SpongeBob Fanon Wiki created? (exact date)
2. When did Ponyo Fan become the owner of the wiki?
3. Who removed all bureaucratic rights from the wiki?
4. Why were userfics frowned upon?
5. Who was the previous owner of the wiki, before Ponyo Fan?
==Jokes Section/Trivia==
It's time for some funnies!
Q: Doctor, Doctor i feel small.
A: Well you will just have to be a little patient!
Q: How can you tell if an elephant has been in your bed?
A: Theres a massive hole in the floorboard.
Q: How many letters are in The Alphabet?
A: 11! T H E  A L P H A B E T
Q: Why did the guy quit at the baloon factory?
A: He coudn't deal with the inflation!
==Riddle Of The Day==
I make a movie on Friday and it takes 3 days for it to be produced yet it was released on a Friday. How is it possible?
===Last weeks answer:===
A needle!
==Puzzle Section==
===Odd One Out!===
Find the odd one out!
1. Book--Author---Newspaper
2. Friend--Couple--Buddy
3. Date--Clock--Time
4. Yesterday--Tomorrow--Monday
5. User--Internet--Profile
===Countdown!===
Ever watched the T.V show countdown? If so it should be easy for you.....
Make the longest word possible.....
Spectacular
===Number Pyramid!===
Solve the pyramid!
===Last weeks answers!===
===Split Words!===
1. Chocolate
2. Fanon
3. Puzzle
4. Website
5. Dictionary
===Chain Reaction===
1. Welcome to my home page. I hope you enjoy.
2. You are now reading The Kelp newspaper. Have fun!
3. My sentance is there is no sentance.
===Cross Out Catostrophe===
Original Puzzle:
o k p k l w u l w r m c y s z v v z s y t f g n g f n e
Answer:
Computer
==Reviews==
===Everything Wrong with Basket Sponge (Part 1)===
Well instead of my usual rambles of reviews. I'll be stealing the CinemaSins EWW. But I'm going to do it with my heaven and hell, Basket Sponge.
Episode I: A Legend Begins
LeBron James relaxed in his lounge chair. He was enjoying his grand cruise, during his time off basketball season.
LeBron: This is the life! Best vacation ever!
Then the cruise ship crashes and we get a film about it which gets $1 billion at the box office. +1 sin
Captain: Attention, everyone. Ahem.....we are sinking.
Okay, why? +1 sin.
The crowd ran around the boat in complete panic. LeBron jumped into the dreadful waters, and passed out.
End of episode. +1 sin.
LeBron: (waking up) Where am I?
SpongeBob: Welcome to the Krusty Krab!!!!
LeBron: The Krusty what?
Krabs: The Krusty Krab!!! Come spend all yer money!!!!
LeBron: What's this thing on my head?
Wait? What... He doesn't know about his air helmet as he looks at it? +1 sin
SpongeBob: It's an air helmet. You would've died under here, silly!
LeBron: Under where?
SpongeBob: Haha!!! You said 'underwear'!!!
SpongeBob does have limits, you know. +1 sin.
LeBron: Does this mean I'm underwater? Where AM I?
Krabs: You're in Bikini Bottom, lad.
LeBron: A BIKINI BOTTOM? WHAT THE H-
Krabs: That's the name of the town, lad.
LeBron: I'm obviously dreaming. That's the only reason I'm talking to a crab and a sponge!
Squidward: Trust me, this isn't a dream. It's a nightmare.
LeBron: (running out of the building) I gotta get out of here.
He frantically ran around Bikini Bottom, becoming frightened at every turn. Soon, he stumbled upon a small gym which read "Home of the Bikini Bottom Bulldogs!"
LeBron: (running into the gym) What is going on here?????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The 50-year-old coach instantly had a heart attack, fell over, and died.
Or he keeled over and died. Better wording +1 sin.
LeBron: .......is he okay?
Random Player: No, he's not!!! Nice going!!! You killed our coach!!! You'll pay for this!!!
All the players picked up the dead body, and ran out of the gym.
LeBron grabbed a basketball, and made a lay-up on of the baskets.
LeBron: (sigh) I wanna go home.
SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward, and Krabs walked into the gym.
SpongeBob: Finally! We found you! What have you been doing?
LeBron: Well, I accidentall killed the basketball coach. And I made all the players quit.
Acidentall? He accidentall killed the previous coach? I don't olllow mi spelling missstakes. +1 sin.
Krabs: What??? This can't happen! The Bikini Bottom Bulldogs are the pride of Bikini Bottom!
So, the ice hockey team; the football team or even the KING is not the pride of Bikini Bottom. It's the basketball team. +1 sin.
LeBron: Sorry, I wish there's something I could do.
SpongeBob: There is!
SpongeBob whispered into his friend's ears.
Squidward: That's a horrible idea!
Patrick: That's a great idea!
SpongeBob: Then it's settled! LeBron, we're gonna take their place!
LeBron: What do you mean?
SpongeBob: Well, we're gonna become the new players, and you'll become the new coach!
LeBron: Whoa, whoa, whoa...this isn't Space Jam! I still need to get home!
Ha, ha. The only other thing that has animated characters and basketball than this. +1 sin.
SpongeBob: If you help us win the basketball tournament this season, we'll help you get home!
LeBron: (sigh) Well, I am pretty good at basketball....I'll do it. But you gotta SWEAR you'll help me get home!
SpongeBob: I swear on Squidward's grave!
Squidward: Excuse me?
THE NEXT DAY
So, Squidward died. Yes, he died because some Xbox Live user swore on his mom and LeBron killed him. +1 sin.
LeBron: Everyone, welcome to basketball practice. This will be our first practice of the season. First, let's evaluate everyone's skill.
Larry The Lobster took the ball, dribbled down the court like a beast, and dunked it.
Everyone else clumsily bumbled around, and showed no sign of skill whatsoever.
Plankton: (getting crushed by the ball) Ahhh!!! Curse this stupid ball!!!!!
LeBron: I have a lot of work to do....
However that won't happen until *checks watch* 6 episodes in. +1 sin.
Episode 2: Practice Makes Perfect
SpongeBob woke up to his alarm clock, grabbed a bowl of cereal, and ran out the door.
Spitting the cereal on the ground, wasting your BREAKFEAST. +1 Sin 
SpongeBob: IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII'MMMMMMMMM REEEAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
F***ING HELL, SpongeBob! You can cause nuclear explosions with that voice! +1 sin.
Squidward: Shut up, SpongeBob. It's Saturday! What are you doing up so early? 
SpongeBob: Squidward! We have basketball practice today! It's our 2nd practice! Aren't you coming? 
Sex joke avoided. Nice. +1 sin.
Squidward: Do you think I care about our stupid basketball team? If you idiots wanna wake up at 7 a.m. and go to a stupid gym, you can! But as for me, I don't give a BLEEP!!! 
No swearing, man! We had a whole SpongeBob SquarePants episode in 2001 about swearing! +2 sins.
SpongeBob: Bleep? ...Squidward, did you really just bleep? 
Character thinks TV censor is a different word, again WHOLE EPISODE WAS DEVOTED. +1 sin.
Squidward: No, that's Patrick. He bought some kind of tape recorder yesterday. Whenever he pushes the button, it makes a bleeping sound.
Oh, okay. So I better BLEEPing undo 2 sins. -2 sin. 
*But in the fact of that, why not tell us before. Is it going to be a joke if he didn't, if it was. It didn't BLEEPing work for me. +1 sin.
Patrick: Hey guys! (pushes button) Bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep! 
And use this joke because this is the comic relief character and we can't have comedy without him/her/it. +1 sin.
SpongeBob: (looks at his watch) Ah! We're late! Come on Patrick, let's get to the gym! 
Patrick: Duh, why? 
SpongeBob: (grabs Patrick and runs) Coach is gonna kill us! Let's go!
With a chainsaw. +1 sin. 
Squidward: Dah-ha-ha!!!! Retards!!! I'mma catch some beauty sleep! (gets in bed) Ohhhyeeeahhh, feelin' nice and sexy in here. 
What is this rated again? +1 sin.
MEANWHILE 
LeBron: Okay, is everybody here? 
Larry: Just me, Krabs, and Plankton. Where's that slimy sponge, that stupid star, and that shitty squid?
That's it. I can't do it. *leaves room to get a drink* +1 sin. 
LeBron: Larry!!! 
Larry: What? Come on! I had a thing going on there! Everything started with s. That was rad! 
LeBron: That's enough. Today, team, we're gonna work on layup drills... 
SpongeBob: (busts inside) HUFF!!! PUFF!!!! We're here!!!! Sorry we're late!!! 
Patrick: Duh, this isn't Waffle House. 
Duh, this is Patrick. +1 sin.
SpongeBob: Patrick!!! I told you, this is basketball practice!!! 
Patrick: Hmmm, I've never had the basketball practice, but it sounds delicious. 
I've seen better people attempt comedy +1 sin.
LeBron: (facepalm) 
Patrick: Hey, you! Fat lady! Some service over here??!!! 
LeBron: (being intimidating) I'm not your waitress....I'm your coach. 
Patrick: Wowwww! ...I've never seen a talking couch before! 
LeBron: 700 pushups.......NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
Patrick: (frantically) Yes, Mr. Couch....or Mr. Sofa....whichever your prefer... 
Larry: Hey, where's that shitty squid??? 
Being a dick doesn't mean you're cool. +1 sin.
SpongeBob: Hey refused to show up. He said he doesn't care about the team. 
LeBron: ....really? He said that? 
SpongeBob: Yeah. Maybe he'll come next practice. 
7 practices later 
Eh? Okay, this a big massive point that doesn't work! The big plan that we had to use for the very early episodes (Episode 1 to 5) because for this early part of the season, it was Dr. Bugs (x3) then me and Luis. I wrote the fourth episode where the team do their first game. But this episode does the wrong thing where it has a part 8 PRACTICES IN! They could have had their first game by now. +3 sins.
SpongeBob: .....or not. 
Krabs: This is ridiculous! Our first game is pretty darn soon!! If that squid don't show up, he's fired! 
Except this is the second episode, again. The fourth episode was your first game. +1 sin.
LeBron: Shut up, crablegs. I'm the coach here. 
Patrick: (sitting on LeBron) This is the WORST COUCH EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
LeBron: (throws Patrick off) We gotta do something about this squid. 
Plankton: But what? He won't come to practice! 
LeBron: Then we'll have to bring PRACTICE.....to HIM!!!!!!! 
Meanwhile 
Squidward: (naked in a bubble bath) Ahhhh, I've never felt sexier. 
Here come the sex jokes, think this is horrible? Wait until... Episode 4. +1 sin.
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK 
Squidward: Grrrrrr....what could SpongeBob and Patrick possibly want right now! Hmm.....I'll scare them away for good! 
Squidward got out of the bath, and answered the door naked. 
Basket Sponge! Rated PG! Except we show naked octopuses and we utter swear words like shit. Better re-rate that. +1 sin.
Squidward: SEE THIS, SpongeBob??? SCARRED FOR LIFE???? MAYBE NOW YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COME BACK.....oh....heh-heh....hey Coach LeBron.....hey everybody else on the team..... 
SpongeBob isn't going to be scarred, the viewers and the kids are. +1 sin.
LeBron: Squidward, I need to have a word with you. 
Squidward: Sure thing....first let me throw on some clothes..... 
LeBron: (grabbing Squidward) I said NOW!!!! 
Squidward: Oh....okay......uh....sure....no problem 
LeBron had a nice long talk with Squidward, teaching him about motivation and teamwork, and how he should care about the team, and show up to practice. 
Squidward: Wow....that was the deepest, most spiritual, heart-lifting conversation I've ever had.....for the first time, it's like I feel motivated.... 
LeBron: That's great. Then I'll see you next practice. 
Squidward: I can't wait until then. I feel motivated NOW! 
LeBron: Oh, well....that's nice. 
Squidward: (eyes turning red) MOTIVATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
I'm going to just watch Truth Or Square. +1 sin.
LeBron: You're scaring me, man. 
Squidward: MOTIVATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
Squidward busted out of the house, and ran naked throughout Bikini Bottom, on a psychopathic rampage on motivation. 
Squidward: MOTIVATION!!!!!! I'M BLOODTHIRSTY FOR MOTIVATION!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! 
Larry: (to LeBron) .....when is he gonna realize he's naked? 
WHAT THE FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF! +1 Sin.
LeBron: In due time, Larry. 
Patrick: (sits on LeBron) Awwwhhhyeah, that's the spot!!! This couch isn't so bad! 
LeBron: (sigh)
Don't worry, Lebron. I went through more hell than you did. +1 sin.
Total Sins: 32.
Conclusion: Sex jokes until we all die.
Category:The Kelp
Category:The Kelp: Volume I
Category:2015
Category:2010s