Loss

"I also do not steal Steven's clothes when he's not looking!"This page was made by Wave. Do not use/refurbish any edits, generally everything, code, or art without their permission. (Unless you're a power user that's fixing poor grammar)
EDGY
Note: This story contains graphic content (suicide, self-harm, depression, etc.). It's a Steven Universe AU about death. You don't need ANY knowledge of the show to understand the story. Some background knowledge that'll help is that Steven is EXTREMELY insecure and severely depressed which leads him into... nevermind.
2. I'm really bad at writing about fictional characters. Their personalities may - no, WILL - be off.
3. Suicide isn't a joke. It is not worth it. Please DO NOT take any of this into consideration. You are better off BEING ALIVE and LIVING because PEOPLE LOVE YOU. Steven CANNOT SEE THAT in this AU because he didn't get THERAPY but he SHOULD HAVE. PEOPLE. LOVE. YOU. NO ONE DOES? I LOVE YOU (PLATONIC)
4. There are two parts to the epilogue because yes. The first part WILL be exceptionally long, because of my crazed ideas AND watching Heathers.
== Prologue ==
One month ago...
=== Steven ===
Steven looked at his hands. He tensed and looked down with a grimace. Blood dripped down, as metallic smell overwhelmed him... but it felt pleasurable. The pain felt... good! It felt so good. It brought him joy - fake joy - that pain made him feel better! He needed to tell everyone.
No.
They'll say "Steven?! Self-harm?!" because it was a bad thing. He knew it was bad but... the red stains on his jacket. The burning feeling was so good. It felt like a fire licking his hands. It felt so good.
And then bad. He felt horrible right after. What WAS he doing? Self-harm? Why did he feel good, then bad? What was wrong with him? The pain felt good. But it was bad. He hated to emotions. He hated his life. He just wanted to end himself. Everything horrible he has done raced through his head.
And that was his plan, for the next month.
== Story ==
=== Steven ===
It wasn't an easy walk, but it worked. He noticed the gems run towards him. Worried, he took another step towards the edge. Tears spilled out of his eyes, as he remembered a single thought: Think of all the trouble you've caused. Those craters; you made them. Think of everything you've done. No one deserves my love. A sense of former relief struck him; crying on the clusters' partial form, embracing Lion. But he was sick and DONE of everyone being nice and pitying him.
"Dude, you need to come back!" Amethyst said, which was edged with concern. Pearl nodded in agreement and looked down with a grimace.
This isn't what he wanted. He was supposed to feel better. Instead, after his breakdown, he felt worse and tried to squash his feelings of regret, sorrow, and guilt. But they kept on coming. His nightmares were fuelled with his monster: himself. He took another step back closer to the edge of the cliff. And closer. And closer. He kept on taking steps backwards until he was on the very edges. He can hear the waves crashing below him. He could end it all right here, right now. "Remember what I said? Remember all the horrible things I did? I'm NOT who you think I am. I'm too lost. Just please - leave me alone. Then I'll consider."
The gems continued reaching out. "Steven, you have GOT to come and tell us what's going on. We just want to talk," Garnet murmured. "You're better than this. We're all sorry we mistreated you. We just want you to-"
Steven cut her off. "ENOUGH! I shattered Jasper. I tried shattering White! I turned into a monster and tried to kill everyone! I'm so mad at myself. I just want to end it! I don't want your love. I don't deserve it," but when he said 'shattering White' it was more like: 'I tried to kill myself mentally' but he didn't want to say that either. He took a step back instinctively. And fell.
As he fell, tears continued spilling off of his eyes like waterfalls, as memories flashed into his mind. His entire life flashed before his eyes. Peridot, Lapis, Bismuth, Spinel, the Diamonds, Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, Greg, Connie - they actually loved him! Feelings - extremely odd ones, in fact - tore into him. Anger, loss, frustration, grief - they were too much. Maybe if he didn't propose to Connie, it would be alright. Maybe if he didn't do stuff his way and listen to Amethyst, he would be alright. Maybe if he hadn't disappointed Pearl so much, he would be alright. Maybe if he made Garnet trusted him more, he'd be alright.
Maybe everything would've been alright if he was never born.
Maybe everything would be ok if he'd just die.
If he'd just end his life, he wouldn't be a burden anymore.
A single, final tear leaked out as he whispered a small: "Sorry," as he saw the gems looking at him with horror as he struck the water. At first, it was pure shock. He remembered the waves crashing and rolling onto him. The freezing water made him lose control of his limbs. He sunk lower, and lower, and lower... until he felt everything darker and darker. If this is really dying... then maybe this isn't too bad.
And then everything went black.
=== Pearl ===
She covered her mouth. At first, her instinct was that her final piece of Rose was gone. But as it sunk into her, Steven was dead. Her Steven was dead. She loved him. Regret sunk into her. Why couldn't she move? Do something! Steven's half-gem you can save him! But she didn't. She just cried, and cried, and cried, knowing that Steven would never come back.
=== Amethyst ===
"No!" She screamed as she saw his body sink into the navy-blue water. "Why- Why-? NO!" Steven was like a brother to me. He helped me learn to love myself! He... he was a brother to me. Getting my memories back... I wish I wasn't so mean to him. If I were nicer, he'd be still here. If we didn't smother him, he'd be still here. Amethyst crumpled with grief, and all she could think about was Steven.
=== Garnet ===
Out of all the futures she can foresee, this was least expected. She saw a wonderful future, where Steven would become a human. Where Steven would find himself and his future. She wanted that future. But instead, it didn't happen. Instead, Steven committed suicide. All the futures started wavering and then they were gone. The future would never look the same again.
== Epilogue ==
=== Connie ===
==== Part One ====
One day after...
"Uh, what?" Connie replied absentmindedly, petting Lion.
"Yeah! Some guy took his own life. Sad, isn't it?" Her friend (I'll name her Abigail because yes.) said. Abigail twirled her hair. "Like- Everyone's happy in Beach City! Which idiot would do that?"
Well, everyone but Steven. "Yeah! I know. But... it's kind of sad, right? This person has to mean a lot to the people around him," Connie was staring at her phone - she was honestly kind of bored. "C'mon let's go-"
"What was his name again? Sam? Steve? Stephen?"
Connie froze. "W-who?"
"Oh, Steven! That's his name! Basically, this kid called Steven Universe. I swear that isn't even a real last name."
"WHAT?! Are you serious right now?" The shock overwhelmed her. She felt everything around her disappear and dropped her phone. Connie grabbed Abigail and felt her body tense. "Abigail - be serious. Are you sure?!"
"Y-yes...? Do you know him or something?"
Connie took her phone back. "Lion, let's go. Abigail, I'll be back," they warped to his house. She opened the door and felt an eerie silence. She's joking. She's joking. Connie saw Pearl holding a note. She seemed extremely distressed and wasn't moving, even a little. "Pearl? Are you ok?"
Pearl handed Connie the note.
And after reading it, Connie finally let it sink to her. Her phone buzzed, and it was a text from Abigail. It read: "Connie, are you ok?"
Everything was disappearing again. She couldn't move, or feel, or cry. Connie wrote back a single word:
"No."
----
==== Part Two ====
One week later...
Connie stared at her bed and fought the tears, as she comforted Lion. She was refused to drink water because then she'd have tears to cry. She remembered that blaming all of this on her won't help... but doing anything won't help anymore. She felt so hopeless and lost and confused. She was feeling grief, like every normal person. But Steven - Steven - she loved Steven, ever since the first time they've met. At first, it was 'oh, it's just a crush' but then it turned into 'the guy loves me and I love him too'. He wasn't just some guy. He was Steven. Happy, never gave up, optimistic, cheery, bubbly - but that was gone now. She wants to see him like that, but now, he seems tired, lost, angry, frustrated, and dead inside. And look where that got him.
"Connie, will you marry me?"
STOP! STOP! It continued.
"I'm' not worried... I'm just happy to be with you." 
"You have NO idea how bad I am."
"I feel like you're drifting away from me..."
Connie had never felt ever more terrible and villainous her whole life. She should just drop cram school and college. Everything felt hopeless, now that someone she loved was gone. She couldn't imagine how Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, or Greg was feeling right now. It's my job to help them. Steven would do something like that in a situation like this. She looked up at an equally distressed Lion, who looked at her with his large, sad eyes. "C'mon, let's go see the others," Wherever she'll go, wherever she'll end up, whoever she'll marry, and whatever kids she'd have...
she'd tell everyone the stories of Steven Quartz Universe, and the impact he made on everyone.
== Afterword ==
Thanks if you even read any of it. The goal of this story was to make people think that every action has an impact on everyone. The smallest pieces of harm can lead to taking your own life. Please do not do it. It’s not worth it. Again, please do NOT take this into consideration. No suicide, nu-uh. NOPE. WE LOVE YOU.
It was inspired by an Instagram Post (I cannot find it) with the same plot (Steven committing suicide). I made the epilogue and prologue myself. In my head, I imagined Steven as the insecure boy he is. So in my head, I made a couple of AUs where Steven would perform self-harm to himself because therapy doesn't magically make you feel better.
Please consider getting help if you need it.
==Characters==
=== Main PoVs ===
Steven
Garnet
Pearl
Amethyst
Connie
===Minor Characters/Mentioned===
(I’m so bored😔)
Lion
Greg
Bismuth
Lapis Lazuli
Peridot
The Diamonds
Spinel
Category:Fanfictions
Category:Literature
Category:Original Stories
Category:Wave's Content
Category:Fantasy
Category:Alternate Universe
Category:Characters
Category:Steven Universe