Disciple Whom Jesus Loved

is the sixth episode of SpongeBob's Seventh Heaven.
==Synopsis==
patrick converts to athiest
==Transcript==
Alex: i had to put on a goddamn suit for this spongebob this better be important
SpongeBob: this is important
Tobias: what could possibly be more important than the victory royale
Larry: you need to go outside tobias
Tobias: your stupid ass died in a car dont talk to me
Larry: WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH
SpongeBob: patrick's getting married
George: what
Peppa: man poor bride
Tobias: who's his wife gonna be
SpongeBob: jesus
George: what
Peppa: man poor bride
Tobias: well theyre both dead so that checks out
Alex: why would you tell us on such short notice
SpongeBob:
Sandy: how's the bachelors party coming along
Squidward: the women are all ready!
Mr. Krabs: MR SQUIDWARD THERES CHILDREN HERE NO HOOKERS
Squidward: sorry girls you gotta go back
Cardboard cutout: *falls down*
Plankton: if patrick weren't already dead id kill him who the fuck holds a wedding on a thursday night
Larry: my parents got married on a thursday
Sandy: yeah thats why their dead
Larry: hey alex pass me some wine
Sandy: stupid ass you can't drink it
SpongeBob: can you go ONE night without being a dumb as fuck bitch
Larry: IF PLANKTON CAN BUY WAFFLE HOUSE WHILE DEAD I CAN DRINK WINE
Alex: sorry bro i drank it all
Larry: WHY
Alex: because its a thursday night
SpongeBob: GET INSIDE THE CHURCH HEATHENS ITS TIME FOR THE WEDDING TO COMMENCE
Larry: NO NOT THE CHURCH
===The wedding===
Tobias: this is boring
SpongeBob: the wedding hasnt even fucking started yet be patient
Tobias: I COULD BE UNLOCKING THE PETER GRIFFIN SKINS BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO IM STUCK IN A CHURCH
Mr. Krabs: thats the struggle of life me boy
George: spongebob when was the wedding supposed to start
SpongeBob: 5
George: and what time is it now?
SpongeBob: 7
Larry: are you sure it was 5pm and not 5am
SpongeBob: who the fuck holds a wedding at 5am
Larry: THE SAME PEOPLE WHO HOLD A WEDDING ON A THURSDAY NIGHT
SpongeBob: YOU DIED IN A CAR ACCIDENT STOP TALKING
Larry: WE ALL DIED IN A CAR ACCIDENT
SpongeBob: WHO WAS DRIVING THE CAR??????????
Larry: IT WAS SELF DRIVING
SpongeBob: WHO BOUGHT THE CAR?????????
Larry:
(doorbell rings)
Squidward: the party has arrived
Mr. Krabs: mr squidward the bachelor party ended two hours ago-WHAT THE HELL
Fred: hi
Mr. Krabs: FRED WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE
Fred: im a hooker
Mr. Krabs: MR SQUIDWARD I SAID NO HOOKERS
Squidward: HE'S NOT A WOMAN SO HE'S FINE
Mr. Krabs: I DIDNT SAY NO WOMEN I SAID NO HOOKERS AT ALL
Tobias: i've been to hooters before so i'll be fine
Larry: WHY HAVE YOU BEEN TO
Gary: meow
Sandy: stupid ass get out of here nobody fucking invited you
Patrick: sorry im late guys
Peppa: we've been waiting here two hours where have you been
Patrick: getting buzzed
Peppa: well then where's the bride
Patrick: i am the bride
Peppa: WHERES THE GROOM THEN
Patrick: look onstage
Jesus Christ Body Pillow:
George: oh for fucks sake
Alex: no amount of alcohol is going to wash away my pain
Larry: maybe you shouldnt have drank it all then
Sandy: WOULD YOU STOP BITCHING THE WEDDINGS STARTED
Larry: WE'VE SAID THE WEDDING'S STARTING FIVE TIMES NOW WHEN IS IT ACTUALLY GOING TO START
Patrick: right now you dumb fuck
Alex: did you not notice the bride entering
Pastor: whats up drama alert nation we are here to mourn the loss of barack obama
SpongeBob: the funeral's tomorrow lucas
Pastor: oops *checks script* mr patrick star do you take jesus christ as your husband
Patrick: yes
Pastor: and mr. jesus?
Jesus Christ Body Pillow: *falls over*
Pastor: i guess thats a no then
Patrick: YOU TRAITOROUS BITCH
Peppa: a tragic love tale
Mr. Krabs: dont get married kids its not worth it
Tobias: what a waste of time
Alex: idk the booze was good
Sandy: sorry about jesus patrick i didnt realize he was such a stuck up son of a bitch
Jesus: THE VIRGIN MARY WAS A GREAT WOMAN
Sandy: she died a virgin what a fucking loser
Jesus: she didnt need a man
Sandy: while we're on the topic YOU HAVE NO FATHER
Jesus: JOSEPH??????
Joseph: you aren't my fucking son
Jesus: I WAS CONCEIVED WITH THE POWER OF GOD
Pastor: stupid ass i AM god
Jesus: WHAT
God: you a bitch jesus
Jesus: NO DAD PLEASE LET ME EXPLAIN
God: WHY DID YOU STEAL THE LAST PROFILE SLOT ON NETFLIX DAMN IT
Jesus: I DIDNT REALIZE IT WAS THE LAST ONE
Peppa: wow wtf jesus
Patrick: thanks for fucking up my weddings guys now i've learned jesus is a bitch and i am now an athiest
Alex: well we've literally just met god so christianity is real
God: actually *unzips mask*
George: what
Peppa: HEISENBERG????????????????
Walter White: patrick lets cock methane
Patrick: YOOOOOOOOOOOO
the end
Category:Episodes
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Category:SpongeBob's Seventh Heaven
Category:2020s