Stop the Presses/Transcript

The following is a transcript for the episode "Stop the Presses".
== ==
(At a newspaper place, Poppy and Branch are making an announcement to the workers.)
Branch: Reporters, by starting this printing press, we will officially begin publishing TrollsTopia’s first ever scrapbook newspaper, The Fabloid! (The workers clap and cheer.)
Poppy: Thanks to our reporting, all Trolls will finally get recognized for their fabulous deed, which they would never brag about themselves. You know, ‘cause Trolls are so humble.
Country Troll #1: No! Stop it!
All: Poppy, you’re the humble one.
Poppy: Aw, you guys. No, you are. (The workers chatter again.) Stop! You’re the humble one. (The workers continue chatting.)
Branch: ENOUGH! Ugh! You’re all humble, OK?!
All: Aw, Branch… No, you are.
Branch; GAH! Just start the presses! (He pulls a switch and a newspaper machine starts make newspapers.) Oh! (The newspapers go into box to be delivered. Laguna then appears.)
Laguna: Stop the presses! (All the Trolls gasp.)
Branch: Oh! (He turns off the machine.)
Laguna: Apologies, but I just broke a story that you need to see! (She gives Poppy her notebook.)
Poppy: Minuet is the one who has been giving out cookies while Trolls’ backs are turned? (Minuet appears behind her and giggles as she gives her a cookie.) Wow! This is front page material, Laguna. I can see it now: Minuet Makes Mystery Munchies, Motivating Many to Mutter. Mm.
Branch: No. That headline is way too long-
Poppy: Start the presses! (Soon, the newspaper is being delivered by Tiny Diamond who is riding his bike.)
Tiny Diamond: Hey, hey, TrollsTopia! (Poppy and Branch put the newspapers in bags on the sides of his bike.) Time to get that paper! (He rides off to deliver the newspapers. He first delivers some in Country Corral.) Bless up! (He goes to Rock Hollow and throws a newspaper to a male Rock Troll playing drums.) One love! (He delivers another newspaper to Cooper.) Stay cool! (Cooper picks up the newspaper.)
Cooper: (gasps) That’s who’s been giving out all those cookies? Thank you, Minuet. (Minuet gives him a cookie behind his back and giggles before she leaves.) Wherever you are. (Eats the cookie Minuet gave him. Later, many Trolls are reading the newspaper.)
Pop Troll #1: I’ve been waiting my whole life for this. (Poppy, Branch, and Laguna are seen sitting on a mushroom.)
Poppy: Well, the first Fabloid issue is a huge success thanks to you, Laguna.
Laguna: Oh, just wait till you see my next story. It’s about the TrollsTopia Wishing Well. (Soon, she, Poppy, and Branch are at the wishing well.) We are all familiar with the well tradition. (She opens a scrapbook about the well.) Trolls toss cupcakes into the well, make wishes, and sometimes the wishes magically come true. But what if the well isn’t magic at all? (She rips a piece of the scrapbook page off.) What if it’s a Troll who’s granting those wishes? A Troll who deserves recognition.
Poppy: I don’t know, Laguna. I’ve heard enough wish-come-true stories to think that there really is something magical about this well.
Laguna: Please, what possible evidence is there for the existence of magic?
Poppy and Branch: Uh… (Synth controls some water puddles.)
Synth: Ha. Ho. (The water puddles turn into geysers.) Yeah! (Peppy is seen having a drink and Lownote comes out of a wormhole and they high-five. Val smashes her guitar and words appear made from fireworks.)
Voice: Magic is real!
Laguna: Hm. I see your point. But in the case of the well, I am certain there’s a Troll behind it. (She puts on a hat.) And I’m going to prove it! (She walks away.)
Branch: Suit yourself!
Poppy: We just hate for you to waste your time. (chuckles)
Both: She knows! (A newspaper is seen showing that Laguna knows about the well. That night at Branch’s bunker, he and Poppy go to the area under the wishing well.)
Branch: Well, it’s all over now! Laguna’s a great reporter, Poppy. It’s only a matter of time before she exposes that we’re the ones down in this well granting wishes!
Poppy: No! Branch, you’ve seen the Trolls’ faces when they believe their wish was granted magically. It fills them with a hope that anything is possible.
Branch: You’re right. We can’t let that be ruined. ‘Cause of the hope thing you just said, not ‘cause I get cupcakes whenever I want. (chuckles)
Tiny Diamond: (from above) I wish I had a new bike!
Branch: Oh! (He picks up a net.) Oh! (A cupcake lands in his net and he eats it.) So how do we stop Laguna?
Poppy: Easy. We keep her busy. Right after we get Tiny a new bike! (She and Branch laugh. The next day at the newspaper place, Poppy talks to Laguna.) Laguna, we know that you want to work on that wishing well story, and while we wish you well, pun intended, there’s actually a hot new story that we need you to crack.
Branch: What came first, the Chicken Bug or the Chicken Bug egg?
Laguna: You want me to answer a timeless riddle that’s plagued Trollskind for thousands of years?
Poppy and Branch: Could you?
Laguna: Well, it seems an odd subject for a good deed based publication, but if that’s my assignment, then… Hm… (She puts on her hat.) Trolly moley, where does one even begin? Think, Laguna.
Poppy: (laughs) No Troll could ever answer that question.
Branch: Yep. She’ll be busy for a very long time. (He and Poppy laugh again. Soon, Laguna comes back.)
Laguna: It was the chicken. (She puts a tall pile of paper on the desk.)
Poppy and Branch: What?!
Poppy: You were only gone 10 minutes! 
Branch: How did you do that?!
Laguna: It wasn’t easy. (We go to the past where she is investigating the Chicken Bug.) I had to brush up on the genetics of domesticated fowl, locate a dozen scrolls of knowledge that had been lost for generations. Decipher three ancient languages each more complex than the last, snack break, and finally submit my findings to the scientific community for a strict peer review.
Past Laguna: Woo-hoo! (We go back to the present.)
Branch: You did all that in 10 minutes?
Laguna: Oh, no. I also wrote a draft of my wishing well article.
Poppy and Branch: Huh?!
Laguna: I have yet to identify the Troll responsible, but it details my theory quite clearly.
Poppy: Wow. We’d… we’d love to print this, Laguna. But…the Fabloid has certain journalistic standards. Right, Branch?
Branch: Standards.
Poppy: We need hard facts. And since your wishing well article doesn’t have an eye witness…
Laguna: Oh, I see… I had known the standards, I would have never brought you this without an eye witness. (She leaves and Poppy and Branch sigh in relief. Then she comes back.) I found an eye witness!
Poppy and Branch: What?! (That night at the wishing well, Cooper tells what he saw.)
Cooper: A few days ago, I came to the well to wish for a new pie because someone sat on my old pie. And I don’t want to name names… (He shows a pie on his bottom.) but it was me. (laughs) Anyway, when I looked down, I could barely see a Troll inside the well! And they were listening to me!
Laguna: There you have it. An eye witness. I believe my story meets the Fabloid’s standards now, yes?
Poppy and Branch: Uh…
Branch: Well, let’s see about that… Cooper, would you say you’re as confident you saw someone in the well as you were when you witnessed that mysterious Troll that kept following you everywhere you went?
Cooper: Oh, absolutely. But shh. He’s right behind me. (The camera shows his shadow.) Oh, you ominous yet handsome-shaped Troll! Why are you so obsessed with me?! Huh?! Hey! Don’t walk away from me when I’m talking to you! Come back here!
Laguna: Oh, my. Perhaps Cooper is not a reliable witness after all. I’m beginning to doubt whether my article will ever meet the Fabloid’s standards. Hm. (She leaves while Poppy and Branch sigh in relief. The next day, they are back at the newspaper place.)
Poppy: Well, Branch, now that we’ve taken care of Laguna, we can finally get back to- (She sees that Laguna is back.) Laguna!
Laguna: Hello! Just finishing up!
Poppy and Branch: Finishing up? (Branch picks up a newspaper.)
Branch: “Wishing Well Wish Points to One Wonderful Troll?!” The Guna Gazette?
Laguna: Yes! Since my story didn’t meet the Fabloid’s standards, I decided to publish my own paper! (Poppy and Branch gasp. They run outside to see Laguna putting the newspapers in the bags on Tiny Diamond’s new bike.) Quickly, Tiny! TrollsTopia needs to read this right away!
Tiny Diamond: No sweat, amphibious Troll lady! (He starts riding his bike.) Tiny Diamond’s new bike will make that route in record time! Ha-ha!
Branch: We’ve gotta stop those papers! (As he and Poppy stop the newspapers from being delivered, Poppy sings Stop the Presses.)
(Poppy)
Hurry up now
We’ve got to beat the clock
The train’s leaving the station
And we can’t let them take off
No, keep the cat in the bag
Ooh, we gotta burry the rag
Ooh, or it’s gonna be bad
So let’s get moving
‘Fore they understand
Let’s stop the presses
Ring the bell
I confess
It’s not gonna end well
Stop the presses
Blow the horn
You could guess
It’s worse than I could warn (She and Branch manage to catch the last newspaper. They even have several in their hair.)
Poppy: Yay! (She and Branch scream because they are about to hit each other.)
(Poppy)
Stop the presses!  She and Branch hit each other and fall to the ground.)
Laguna: Poppy? Branch? (She picks up a newspaper.) You’ve been taking my papers? But why? Unless… (gasps) It’s you! You’re the Trolls granting the wishes!
Poppy: (Getting up) Wait, Laguna. Listen, we-
Laguna: No! No more diversions! I am going to write a new story that will expose you for exactly who you are: Two very sweet Trolls. (Poppy and Branch sigh sadly. The next day, Tiny Diamond delivers the newspaper to Poppy’s pod.)
Tiny: It’s the Guna Gazette comin’ at ya! (Poppy picks up the newspaper.)
Poppy: Well, this is it. Once everyone reads this, the Trolls’ world becomes a little less whimsical. (She starts reading the newspaper.) “Wishing Well Wishes Points To Two Terrific Trolls, by Laguna Tidepool. Contrary to the common belief in the TrollsTopia Well’s supernatural powers, it was discovered yesterday that the wishes made at the well have actually been granted by two Trolls: Poppy and Branch.” (Branch sighs sadly.) “The duo’s deeds were conducted secretly in order to preserve every TrollsTopian’s sense of childlike wonder, making Poppy and Branch all the more deserving of recognition. But…”
Branch: But?
Poppy: “But after a great deal of reflection, this reporter has decided that exposing them would undermine their generosity. As such, only one copy of this paper has been printed and once Poppy and Branch stop reading it out loud, Laguna will destroy it so their secret is kept forever. By the way, you can look up now. I’m standing right in front of you?” (She and Branch see Laguna.)
Both: Laguna?
Poppy: You’re not going to share the story with TrollsTopia?
Laguna: No, I’m not. All I want is for Trolls to be recognized for their good deeds. (She takes the newspaper from Poppy and rips it.) And now… you have been.
Poppy and Branch: Aw. (They hug Laguna.)
Laguna: Now, for my next Fabloid story. I just heard a rumor that R and B have opened a bed and breakfast as a place for Trolls to relax!
Poppy: (gasps) R&B Open B&B for R&R?
Branch: Can you cover it, Laguna?
Poppy: For a story like that, we’re gonna need our very best!
Laguna: The best? Oh, stop. You two are the best.
Poppy: No, you are! You’re the best.
Laguna: Let’s be serious. You clearly are the best.
Poppy: You’re the best.
Laguna: Oh, no, you.
Poppy: Pfft. No, you are.
Laguna: Stop!
Branch: Gah! (He goes inside Poppy’s pod.)
Laguna: I won’t listen for another second.
Category:TT Season 5 episode transcripts
Category:Trolls: TrollsTopia transcripts
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