Stranglin'

Stranglin' is the 2nd episode of NKC's 3rd season, premiering March 8th, 2022. The episode was written by Locknloaded23.
== Plot ==
Squilliam moves to NKC, but soon learns of a mass murderer loose on the streets as he tries to find a place to live.
== Script ==
Narrator: Previously, on-
Squilliam: Wait, did you not get the memo?
Narrator: What?
Squilliam: Yeah, this season we’re not doing a narrator.
Narrator: Why not?!
Squilliam: You just aren’t needed. And plus the writer hated writing you.
Narrator: “NOT NEEDED?!” Do you know how USEFUL I was in SEASON ONE?
Squilliam: Season two.
Narrator: WHATEVER.
Squilliam: Yeah, you weren’t THAT useful even there.
Narrator: Oh, fuck you! So am I just fired then?
Squilliam: Yeah, get out.
Narrator: Fuck you! I’m gonna murder the fucking writer. (Heard running off in anger)
Squilliam: Look, if you wanna know what happened last episode, just read the last episode. With this, uh, out of the way, enjoy this new episode.
(Cut to black, then to an unkempt Squilliam sitting on a bus bench)
Squilliam: (Long sigh) Okay, it’s time to reinvent yourself, old Squilliam. Moving to a new town may be a blessing in disguise. (Looks at reflection in beer bottle, thinks to self) Hmmm. I should probably get myself in proper shape before leaving. But I have no money for clothes.
(Squilliam sees a fish walking by, wearing fancy clothes. Squilliam grins evilly, then tackles him; The fish he tackled angrily storms off, generally unharmed while Squilliam crawls onscreen noticeably beaten)
Squilliam: Right, that failed miserably. Maybe I should just stay the way I am. 
(Squilliam looks to his left and sees someone hanging clothes on a clothesline; as soon as the fish turns around, he realizes the clothes are gone. Cut to Squilliam walking through town in new clothing)
Squilliam: Hmmmm… It’s a little tacky, but I guess it’ll have to do. But I feel something’s missing. (Squilliam ponders, then realizes there are shades in his pocket; Squilliam puts them on) Perfect! It’s like I’m a whole new person! (Rips off unibrow) Now I can finally ditch this fucking fake unibrow. (Throws it behind him, deeply sighing) Well, looks like this new chapter in your life begins.
(Squilliam begins walking away; fade to him at the outskirts of the city, staring behind him, shedding a single tear)
Squilliam: No, no - no crying. It’s all behind you now. Crying won’t solve nothing. (Deep sigh) Just, make it through this. (Hesitantly begins walking offscreen)
(Cut to Squilliam walking through a barren desert)
Squilliam: My god, when am I gonna get to NKC? I hope I didn’t take a wrong turn and get lost… (Looks all around him) Uh, I don’t know how to tell if I’m lost or not. Or if I’m even going in the right direction, for that matter. (Stomach begins growling) Oh, that’s perfect - of all times to get hungry, it’s NOW. (Squilliam sits down, holding his rumbling stomach; he looks down at his hands, which are touching the sand, and begins contemplating something) I shouldn’t… But I’m hungry. (Thinks for a few more seconds, before shrugging)
(Squilliam scoops up a handful of sand and puts it in his mouth; he strugglingly chews and swallows it)
Squilliam: (Raspy, dry voice) That was the worst fucking idea I’ve ever had. My fucking throat is bleeding. (Coughs blood) Why couldn’t I have (Coughs more blood) died in a cool way? (passes out)
(2 travelers traverse the desert, and notice Squilliam lying on the ground; they talk amongst themselves, then drag his body offscreen; fade to Squilliam laying on a rock, waking up)
Squilliam: (Coughs a ton of times, retaining his raspy voice) Ouch… Where am I? Is this Heaven? 
Fish 1: Good, he’s awake!
Squilliam: (Tries yelling, but begins coughing; clears throat) who are you two?
Fish 2: We saw you laying in the desert, so we had to bring you here to check if you were alright.
Squilliam: I was certain I was gonna die!
Fish 1: How did you pass out anyways?
Squilliam: Uh… So anyways, where did you bring me too, anyways? (Looks around) It looks like you brought me to another part of the desert.
Fish 1: Look behind you.
(Squilliam glances over his shoulder and sees he is at the outskirts of New Kelp City)
Squilliam: Holy shit, you brought me to NKC! Thank you so much! I was trying to get here before I passed out!
Fish 1: Our pleasure. Now let's get drunk.
(The travelers walk off)
Squilliam: At last, I’m finally here! (Cheers in joy, and gets embarrassed when the townsfolk start glaring) Uh… I guess I should… look for a new place. Hmmmm, but maybe I could explore a bit first. Yeah, that sounds like a good idea; I’ll treat myself!
(Multiple shots of Squilliam walking around the city are shown as the townsfolk glare at him as he does unusual things like glare into windows of random shops; eventually, he walks past a real estate office)
Squilliam: Oh, jackpot; Time to find a new place!
(Squilliam tries entering, but walks right into the locked doors)
Squilliam: OW! Why are these doors locked?! (Squilliam sees a note on the front door, begins reading) “We are currently closed due to recent events in the city. Sorry for the inconvenience.” What? Recent events? What recent events? (looks at the door again and sees another slip of paper; begins reading) “In loving memory of Thompson Smithy; Died to the hands of the…” (Squints as he reads the next part; gasps in shock) “Tattletale Strangler?!” The Tattletale Strangler’s been here?! My god, that’s terrible! I thought he was locked away!
(Squilliam spots a newspaper on the ground, being used as a blanket by a Bum; Squilliam snatches the paper, and begins reading)
Squilliam: “TattleTale Strangler escapes prison, goes on” (Gulps) “Strangling spree in New Kelp City… 15 confirmed dead…” 
Bum: (snatches paper back) the nerve of some people. (Pulls pants down, pissing in the street, making a car swerve out of control and explode) Woah, cool.
Squilliam: (As he is talking, the Strangler snatches a victim as they walk by an alleyway and he starts violently strangling him to death) God damnit, I really gotta start reading the news more; Had I known The Strangler was attacking here I would've picked… anywhere else, really. I'm not picky. (Squilliam looks across the street, and sees a real estate office that has an OPEN sign) oh, lucky break! 
(Squilliam walks across the street but slips on the Bum's piss; the Bum laughs before it suddenly cuts to Squilliam limping inside the office)
Receptionist: Hello, how can I help you?
Squilliam: Hi, I'm glad to find an open real estate office. 
Receptionist: Yup, that Strangler's a ruthless one. Anyways, you looking for a room?
Squilliam: Room? What room?
Receptionist: This is the office for an apartment complex.
Squilliam: Oh, how did I not notice?
Receptionist: Would you like to rent an apartment
Squilliam: Sure, how much is one?
Receptionist: $5/month.
Squilliam: Jeez, that's cheap!
Receptionist: (long sigh) Yeah, we don't get… the best reviews.
Squilliam: I think I'll take it!
Receptionist: Good choice, sir. (Drops keys in Squilliam's hands)
Squilliam: Jeez, since when was buying apartments this easy?
Receptionist: Well, our reviews can't possibly get lower, so we rent them to whomever the hell we want.
(An explosion happens in one of the Apartments as Squilliam walks outside; cut to Squilliam standing at the door of his apartment. He opens the door and walks in)
Squilliam: Well… this is the beginning of a new life… and there is a naked corpse in my room. (Sighs as he throws his luggage down on the couch) And the previous owner didn't even take his shit out… Well, I guess that means less unpacking for me. (Sits on the couch) I think I will like it here. Well… besides the fact that there is a mass murder on the loose in the streets. (Facepalms) God damnit, now I can't relax!
(A knock is heard on the door; Squilliam walks towards it, opening it, gasping)
Squilliam: Hello? What do you want?
Voice: I just wanted to welcome the new neighbor.
Squilliam: Oh. Hi, uh, my name is Squilliam Fancyson FUCK I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO TELL MY NAME.
Voice: Squilliam? The millionaire?
Squilliam: Yeah… but keep it down-low. I'm trying to, uh, escape public life.
Voice: Oh, I understand.
Squilliam: Say, what's your name?
Voice: Oh… promise to keep this on the down-low too.
Squilliam: Why? Are you escaping public life too? What's your name anyway?
Voice: Uh… Yeah, it’s safe to say I’m escaping public life too. My name is Manray.
(Cut to reveal the person at the door is Man Ray with dramatic music cue)
Squilliam: Who?
(Sudden end)
Category:2022
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