Doug's 1st Movie/Transcript

==Transcript==
(Black screen and fades in to see all of Bluffington, the camera moves from the houses, to Funkytown and the lake. We then see Roger and his gang sitting on a fishing dock, fishing.)
Ned: Oh man!
Boomer: I’m freezing!
Willy: Say Rog, do you really think this is such a g-g-g-good day to go f-f-f-f-f-fishing?
Roger: Maybe you guys would rather go home and cut Valentines out of construction paper and doilies?
Boomer: Well yeah!
Ned: Sounds enjoyable Rog!
Willy: I’ll make hot chocolate!
Roger: Let’s go over this one more time. We’re not here for fish you goons. We’re here to bag a couple of losers! Oh can it, here they come!
DOUG: 145 hours, 38 min.
SKEETER: You’re not counting down to that Valentines dance again, are you man?
DOUG: No! (pauses) Yes.
ROGER: Hey! Are you doofuses still hunting for that lake monster?
DOUG: Yes! Except for the part about being doofuses.
SKEETER
When Doug and I get our monster picture Roger, you’ll see!
ROGER
Hey, I know where you can find a whole bunch of monster pictures!
DOUG & SKEETER
Huh?
ROGER
You’re family album! (gang laughs)
BOOMER
Good one!
NED
Family album.
WILLY
I don’t get it.
SKEETER
Go ahead and laugh Roger, we’re gonna find that monster!
ROGER
He, he, he, sooner than you think!
(All laugh. Willy and Ned, nudge Boomer)
BOOMER
Hey, what are we all nudging each other for?
ROGER
You’re pushing my buttons, Bledsoe. Let’s get going. Move it, move it.
(Roger and gang leave the fishing dock and camera pans down to the lake surface, bubbles surface and pop, we then see Skeeter and Doug walking through the forest)
DOUG
I wonder if I need some new shoes.
SKEETER
Yeah, something fast, in case we get chased by that monster.
DOUG
No, for the dance.
SKEETER
Oh, whoops, what the-. We better leave the bikes here.
DOUG
I guess I could wear these ones. I don’t want to look too “Hey I’m wearing new shoes” at least not-
SKEETER
Shhhhh!
(Ned’s giggling is heard in the distance)
SKEETER
You hear that?
DOUG
Yeah, I’ll go this way, you go that way.
SKEETER
OK.
ROGER
Spread out!
BOOMER
Gee Roger, don’t you think this is kinda mean?
ROGER
How many times do I gotta explain that it’s unhealthy for me to bottle up my natural child 
like spontaneity. Do you want me to get an ulcer?
NED
A dude’s gotta keep his chi flowin’ man.
ROGER
Exactly. You want to stay healthy, you gotta keep in balance with nature. Now let’s go scare the who-ha out of blue boy.
DOUG
Hold it monster. You’re not going anywhere.
ROGER
Yeah? Who’s gonna stop us Funnie?
DOUG
Uh…um
(cut to see Doug’s clothes high up in tree, we see Doug is in his underwear trying to reach his clothes.)
DOUG
Man!
(cuts to Skeeter)
SKEETER
Hmmm, never been here before. What a mess, eww.
(swamp bubbles pop)
SKEETER
Whoa! C-c-c-camera. Oh man where is it? It’s in here somewhere.
(Finds camera goes in ready position, Roger comes out from behind a bush)
ROGER
(growls)
SKEETER
Huh? (screams)
(camera flashes)
ROGER
Oh, my eyes!
(Roger and gang fall to ground, boys arguing)
SKEETER
Very funny you guys, hardy har, oh very believable too, did you rent it or did you make it your self. Well you had your fun now you can go home.
(Monster (Herman) creeps up behind Skeeter, Roger and gang see it)
GANG
(gasp)
SKEETER
Roger?
ROGER
Mon- Mon-
SKEETER
Roger? There’s something bad behind me isn’t
there?
(Roger and gang run away, Skeeter turns around is very scared, drops camera, it flashes when it hits the ground)
SKEETER
Ahhhh!
(goes black, Doug opens door and Porkchop barks, lights flip on)
DOUG
Roll it Porkchop!
(Doug theme kicks in, then title appears)
DOUG
That’s me!
DOUG
Porkchop (Porkchop makes shadow puppets). 
(annoyed) Porkchop! (Doug screams and shadow growls).
(Goes black, Doug’s house then appears, shows Doug in his room writing in his journal.)
DOUG: (narrating)
Dear Journal, it’s me Doug Funnie. I’ve lived at 21 Jumbo Street for the last year and a half 
and I’ve seen a lot of weird things. But what happened last week was probably the weirdest. I 
guess it all started right before Valentines Day. That means at school people have just one thing on their mind.
BEEBE
A Valentine’s dance! Let’s go shopping.
AV NERD #1
Aww, isn’t it romantic?
ELMO
A Valentine’s dance, how delightful.
CHALKY
A Valentines-!
LARRY
A Valentines-
CONNIE
Dance?
SKEETER
The monster! I finally found it!
CLASSMATES
Shhhhh!
(Goes to Doug in history class.)
DOUG N.
Well almost everybody was talking about the Valentines Day dance. It was all I was thinking 
about.
MR. MAYONNAISE
Can anyone tell me how Ancient Egypt ultimately became a Roman province. (Patti raises her 
hand)
DOUG N.
Well and one other thing too!
MR. MAYONNASIE
Miss Mayonnaise.
PATTI
It was Mark Antoni’s eternal love for Cleopatra that inspired the great battle of Actium...
(Doug recalls memories with Patti.)
DOUG N.
There’s only been one Valentine for me. One person who I’ve shared my happiest moments 
with. And a couple not so happy ones. We’ve gone through the same hard-ships. Like my 
sister Judy.
JUDY
Leonardo, Mona, you’re supposed to be 16th Century lovers. Now kiss her like you mean it.
(memories fade, shows the school cafeteria, Doug is in line for food.)
DOUG N.
For all those reasons, I knew I had to find a way to make this dance really perfect.
BEEBE
This dance is gonna really stink.
DOUG
Huh? How can it stink?
CONNIE
The student council’s supposed to pick to people to co-ordinate the dance, but nobody signed up.
BEEBE
People are soooo selfish. Sure, everybody wants to go to the dance. But to they want to lift a 
finger to help? Noooooo.
DOUG
Why don’t you help Beebe?
BEEBE
You expect me, to put my mouth on balloons? Touch streamers? Ugh, no way.
CONNIE
We have less than a week left. Who ever we get is gonna have to work day and night to get ready.
DOUG
Day and night?
(A daydream begins, Doug and Patti are planning the dance with figures like you would for war.)
DOUG
Right, pay close attention Miss. Mayonnaise. We mass the streamers over here. Flank with the 
punch bowl maneuver the record player into position and we hit ‘em right in the middle 
with a big heart shaped mirror ball. Bang!
PATTI
Oh Doug, you’re so “dance plannery”.
DOUG
(clears throat) Indeed. Still it’s not quite there. We need something- a theme!
PATTI
How about something simple like “true love”.
DOUG
(gulp) True l-l-love?
PATTI
True love! You know, when two people love each other…truly!
DOUG
Oh that true love! (nervous laugh)
(daydream ends)
DOUG
I know two people perfect for the job Beebe!
(cuts to show Doug and Patti sitting at a table)
PATTI
Do you really think I’d be good at organizing a dance? I’ve never done anything like that.
DOUG
I think you’d be great at whatever you wanted to do Patti. I think if you worked on this 
dance, it would be the best dance ever!
PATTI
Really? (cut to them in the hallway, newspaper office door, ready to sign up) Not much 
competition, looks like I’m the only one crazy enough to - (door opens, Guy enters)
GUY
OK people work, work, work. I’m outta here. (bumps into Patti)
PATTI
Whoa ahhh!
GUY
Hey why don’t you watch where- oh hey, looking for me?
DOUG
Not exact-
GUY
I think I know. Heart day just around the corner. Do you want to talk in “priveto”?
PATTI
Guy, I’m here to sign up to work on the dance.
GUY
What? That dinky lower-grade dance. Look, I got a dozen better ideas kiddo. Instead of hanging 
out with a bunch of babies you can trade candies with me! Scoot the boot with ‘ya with the upper crowd! What do you say?
DOUG
(annoyed) Guy?
GUY
Can’t you see I’m talking to someone? Time to grab your opportunities before they grab 
someone else, if ‘ya get me, tick tock tick tock (buzzer sound) contestant your answer 
please.
PATTI
Thanks anyway Guy but I’m going to the dance. I may even be working on it.
GUY
Oh whatever sands your wood, don’t say I didn’t offer. I’m outta here! (leaves but comes 
back) Last chance to change your mind.
PATTI
Goodbye Guy. (Guy leaves)
DOUG
That, G- Guy!
(Patti writes her name on the sign up sheet)
PATTI
There.
MR. MAYONNAISE
Hey Patti! Can you help me get this stuff to the car?
PATTI
Sure Daddy. See ‘ya Doug.
(Doug signs his name)
DOUG N.
This was going to be the perfect surprise. I knew Patti and I were just the team to make the 
coolest dance ever.
(cuts to the football field outside the school, Roger and gang are sitting on the bleachers.)
NED
I don’t know about you, but I’m still scared man.
ROGER
This is terrible, I thought that lake thing was going to kill me.
BOOMER
It must have thought we were trying to attack Valentine.
NED
Yeah, it was protecting him.
WILLY
Duh, Valentine’s gotta monster on his side.
ROGER
A monster? On his side? Oh! (in a daydream) Hey, Valentine! Is that a nose or a ski slope? 
(starts laughing, Skeeter whistles and we see a monster's foot stomp on Roger).
NED
Rog, you okay?
WILLY
I think his brain vapor locked!
NED
Stand back! (throws a drink in Roger’s face, Roger sputters and coughs)
ROGER
What the?
NED
His idea.
ROGER
Why you, I oughta - aha!
WILLY
Uh, Rog.
ROGER
Shhhhh. I think I’m getting an idea!
BOOMER
How can you tell?
NED
What does it feel like?
WILLY
Duh, maybe it’s gas.
ROGER
Just wait, it’s gonna to be the biggest thing to ever hit this town!
ROGER’S GANG
Again?
(scene goes to Skeeter and Doug in the mall)
DOUG
I can’t believe your camera went off when it hit the ground!
SKEETER
Yeah maybe I got a picture of the monster!
(Beebe comes out of a store with her dad)
BEEBE
Oh Doug! I want to thank you, you saved the dance!
BILL BLUFF
Where are ‘ya honey bunch? Whoa, whoa!
BEEBE
Take these to the car daddy.
BILL
Yes dear.
BEEBE
Oh Skeeter, I was just doing a little shopping, in case someone wants to take me to the dance?
SKEETER
Uh, honk honk, meet ‘ya at the photo shop man!
BEEBE
Boys!
BILL
Is that the boy you like honey bunch?
BEEBE
If you think I’m discussing that with you daddy, you’re nuts!
(scene changes to outside the mall by Beebe’s car)
BEEBE
I already told Patti she’s on the committee! She’s very excited!
DOUG
Great! Look, Beebe, I’ll go help Skeet get his pictures then I’ll head down to school.
BEEBE
What for?
DOUG
Well to get started! I plan to work day and night to have this dance ready!
BEEBE
Doug, you don’t have to worry about a thing. Patti and Guy have it all under control!
DOUG
Patti and Guy?
BEEBE
Yeah, Guy’s the other one on the dance committee! Isn’t it great?
DOUG
But- but- Guy said he didn’t- He isn’t even in our grade.
BEEBE
I know, isn’t it great to have an upperclassman even think about helping?
DOUG
But how? How?
BEEBE
How did we convince him? It was easy, we were sitting in the office after lunch…(flashback) 
This dance is going to be so the opposite of cool!
CONNIE
C’mon Beebe, let’s check and see of somebody signed up during lunch! (they open the office 
door). Hey, what happened to the list?
GUY
(Guy enters holding the clipboard with list)
Looking for this ladies?
BEEBE
Guy! Are you writing a story for the school paper?
GUY
Writing? Well here’s a real headline (jumps up on table) Guy Graham, upperclassman, heads up dinky dance! Bang!
GROUP
Wow!
(Guy crumples list)
GUY
Now let’s get down to business shall we? Help me down. (flashback over)
DOUG
I was on that list!
BEEBE
Well Doug you understand. Guy has real accomplishments, and he’s friend with my daddy!
DOUG
But- but I know your dad!
BILL
Not like he does, fine young man.
BEEBE
See ‘ya Doug. Home, Jinkins. (they drive away)
(back inside the mall)
DOUG
Perfect, that’s just perfect.
SKEETER
Oh don’t worry man. Guy may have more accomplishments now, but you’re going to blow him out of the water!
DOUG
How do you mean?
SKEETER
When we show everyone that monster.
DOUG
Oh yeah, perfect.
SKEETER
Hey who’s the cute baby? Oh it’s me, boy that film must have been in the camera a long time.
DOUG
Skeet? Are you really sure you saw something at the lake?
(they walk outside)
SKEETER
What do you mean man?
DOUG
I mean, you’ve been looking for this monster for months right? And last night you really 
wanted to see it, maybe you only saw a shadow or swamp gas or something. (Skeeter gasps and 
stammers) You do have a pretty active imagination. (Skeeter hands Doug a picture) Oh 
what’s this? Is this from your Halloween party?
SKEETER
The monster! (Doug gasps) Honk honk, I told you there was a monster. I told everybody! Behoooooold!
DOUG
Wahoo! yeah! Oh, l-l-let me see it again. Skeeter, we’re going to be famous, this is the 
biggest thing ever! Wahoo! (Quailman daydream sequence begins)
QUAILMAN ANNOUNCER
When the biggest thing ever happens..
QUAILMAN
The biggest thing ever!
ANNOUNCER
Doug imagines himself a superhero daring enough to wear his underwear over his pants, Quailman!
QUAILMAN
A big dance extravaganza, well that does sound big! I wonder if it’s a trap? (reads) “P.S. not 
a trap” well Quaildog as I always say, if it’s in print it must be true! (Quaildog grumbles)
ANNOUNCER
And so that night, Quailman rendezvous with a certain young woman.
PATTI
Oh Quailman, how nice of you to invite me to this big dance extravaganza!
QUAILMAN
Well dancing with Quaildog, while enjoyable, is not my idea of a perfect evening.
GUY
Is everyone ready to dance?
QUAILMAN
Who are you and why are you clogging? I mean, who are you?
GUY
I am Lord of the Polka, care to dance?
PATTI
Must dance.
QUAILMAN
Curious. (goes to enter the dance)
GUARD
Sorry pal, full up.
QUAILMAN
Fortunately, patience is the first quality of the quail (Crowd gasp and scream as a monster 
is rampaging the town). Looks like an uninvited guest is trying to crash the party, Quaildog, no time to lose, fly away!
ANNOUNCER
When danger calls, there’s one superhero who’s always there to pick up the phone. Part quail, 
part man, all hero, Quailman and his super pal Quaildog! (monster destroys buildings and people screaming) How can the beast be stopped? Surely Quailman must come to fisticuffs with this fiend from the fathoms!
QUAILMAN
No mister narrator. Violence is only for those who have run out of good ideas. We simply have 
to speak reasonably to this fearsome fellow. Excuse large lizard-like creature, I think it’s 
important for you to see- (monster swallows Quailman, Quaildog groans. We see Quailman fall 
into monster’s stomach and get covered with goo). I don’t like to make snap judgements, but 
it seems this out-sized outlaw just ate me.
ANNOUNCER
Quailman, eaten like so many potato chips. (more roaring and screaming) Who will stop the 
amphibious archfiend now? Thinking quickly, Quaildog turns the high powered disco lights 
into the eyes of the monster, momentarily disorienting the reptilian rowdy. Next, his canine sixth sense combined with an extensive knowledge of pop culture tells him the moment is right. He reroutes the signal to intercept the latest episode of a corny teen sitcom playing right at that moment.
BRIAR LANGOLIER
Dylan, how can I love you when I’m really in love with your other personality Rufus?
ANNOUNCER
Quaildog’s queasy quarry is not match for this mindless mush fest. The already reeling reptile 
can’t stomach it (monster falls and spits out Quailman).
PATTI
Quailman! Ewww, P.U.
QUAILMAN
I try to be broad-minded but I can’t sit ideally by and be digested by some scaly scofflaw.
ANNOUNCER
Having learned that the beastly beast is impervious to reason, Quailman has no choice but to release the full force of the quail eye, rendering his amphibious adversary helpless and stupefied (Quailman shoots his laser beam eyes at the monster, causing it to fall down).
PATTI
Oh Quailman, you’ve saved us!
GUY
We’ll that’s over, wanna dance?
PATTI
Forget it! Defeating a monster is much cooler than decorating for a dance, (plugs nose) no 
matter how bad he smells (Quailman fantasy over).
DOUG
Defeating a monster is much cooler than over seeing a dance, no matter how bad we smell.
SKEETER
What?
DOUG
Skeet, we can’t blow this now. We’ve gotta find that monster!
(scene changes to Roger’s house, Al and Moo with the A.V. Nerds are in a meeting room)
A.V. Nerd #1:
What are we doing here?
Elmo:
Roger has gathered the greatest minds of Bluffington in one room.
Al:
Oh yes. My brother and I have followed your work in the field of (chuckles) A.V.
Moo:
(coughs) Nerds.
A.V. Nerd #1:
Weirdoes.
Al::
Imbeciles.
Elmo:
(going to sneeze)
ROGER (enters)
You may wonder why I’ve gathered you here.
ELMO
Indigable.
ROGER
Uh, bless you. As you may know there is at this moment, a monster which threatens our very way 
of life.
Al:
(coughing) Lamebrain.
A.V. Nerd #2:
I’m sorry I didn’t catch that one.
AL:
Lame. Brain.
Nerd #2:
Thank you.
ROGER
As I was saying, there is only one thing that can save us from certain destruction. I present 
to you, RoboCrusher!
ELMO
(coughs) Doofus!
ROGER
Note the pincer claws and x-ray eyes. I draw myself down here for scale. Money is no object, 
gentlemen you have exactly twenty-four hours.
(various coughs and talking, scene switches to Doug and Skeeter in the woods)
DOUG
This is going to make working on the school paper seem like working on the school paper!
SKEETER
I don’t know if we can actually catch him man, I mean after all it’s a monster. Let’s just get 
our bikes before it gets dark.
DOUG
Where are they? They were right here?
SKEETER
(looking down) Bike tracks!
DOUG
Oh yeah, right next to the b-b-big webbed footprint.
DOUG & SKEETER
Oh man!
(at Skeeter’s house)
SKEETER
Do you think the monster actually ate our bikes, man?
DOUG
Well, I don’t think he’s riding them around the bottom of the lake.
SKEETER
Um, maybe we could use Dale’s tricycle for bait. The monster will think it’s a snack.
DOUG
I don’t know man, I mean what if he doesn’t stop at metal, what’s to keep him from eating 
us? (phone rings, Skeeter coughs and chokes on the milk he is drinking)
SKEETER
Can you get that? I think I got milk up my nose.
DOUG
(answers phone) Hello?
PATTI
Oh Doug, I’m glad you’re there, I wanted to thank you.
DOUG
Thank me?
PATTI
I never would have thought of signing up to 
work with Guy if it weren’t for you.
DOUG
Oh great. Look Pa-
PATTI
And did you hear the news? Guy got Mr. Bluff to 
give us money to have the dance at - are you 
ready for this? - Funkytown!
DOUG
Funkytown, that’s uh- Patti? Can we meet and 
talk about this later? Something just came up.
PATTI
Sure Doug. How ‘bout Swirly’s in an hour?
DOUG
Swirly’s. An hour. Great. (Doug hangs up phone)
SKEETER
Ya I was thinkin’, if that thing ate our bikes, 
he might like cafeteria food.
DOUG
He didn’t eat them, look!
(Doug and Skeeter see their bikes in the 
backyard and go outside)
DOUG & SKEETER
Oh man!
SKEETER
I guess somebody must have brought them back.
DOUG
Yeah, somebody with monster feet!
(they follow the footprints and realize they 
lead into the house)
SKEETER
Oh, h-he’s in the house!
(scene jumps to Doug opening Skeeter’s front 
door in homemade protection suits, Skeeter 
shines a flashlight around the entrance)
SKEETER
C’mon, looks like the coast is clear. Uh OK. 
Let’s go.
DOUG
Let’s go.
SKEETER
OK quiet (Skeeter shields his face and loses 
balance knocking over a light and causing a 
power outage to the whole neighborhood)
SKEETER
(quivering) Oh man! (Skeeter shines flashlight 
around kitchen) Nope, no monsters here.
DOUG
Shouldn’t we go downstairs and check your room?
(Doug and Skeeter gulp, scene changes to Doug 
and Skeeter opening basement door)
SKEETER
Hello, we’re -um- coming downstairs!
DOUG
Here we come.
SKEETER
(shines light around his room) Um, anybody 
here? (they get close to Skeeter’s closet door) 
Um, you can open it if you want.
DOUG
Go ahead.
(Skeeter slowly opens closet door. Doug and 
Skeeter quiver and moan as if scared what will 
come out)
SKEETER
(when he sees nothing in the closet) Phew! 
(flashlight flickers and goes out) Oh man, I’ll 
go get another flashlight.
DOUG
I’ll get it, where is it?
SKEETER
Oh that’s OK, I know where it is.
DOUG
Yeah, but I’m the guest, The guest always gets 
the spare flashlight, that’s etiquette man.
(Skeeter whistles nervously and goes towards 
his bed, we hear purring in the background. 
Skeeter tried to reach under the bed, but 
can’t, monster appears behind him)
SKEETER
I can’t get down there. Hey Doug check under 
the bed would ya? (Monster squeals as if saying 
“me?” and purrs) Yeah, now just look under the- 
(stammers and tries to scream but can’t, 
whispers “Monster”, face shield falls over his 
face and he yells. He runs into a wall several 
times) Oh my head. (he lifts face shield, the 
monster roars and Skeeter screams more. Then he 
runs up the stairs but falls down and then is 
hit with a garbage can. Face shield falls in 
front of monster, he yelps and tries to put it 
back on the garbage can but falls off. He goes 
to the bed and cradles the face shield.)
DOUG
(looking in from outside a window) Skeeter?
(Doug is back inside with Skeeter, they don’t 
have their body gear on anymore and they are 
watching the monster who is fiddling with the 
face shield Skeeter was wearing by his desk)
SKEETER
Well, he thinks my head fell off.
DOUG
He looks really upset.
SKEETER
He’s so nice.
DOUG
He’s not scary at all.
(Monster turns his head to look at Doug and 
Skeeter, they scream and hide behind the bed, 
the monster walks over to the bookshelf as Doug 
and Skeeter peek over the edge of the bed. The 
monster takes a book off the shelf, smells it 
and opens it)
DOUG
He must have sniffed out where you live.
SKEETER
Wow, he can read! (the monster sniffs the book 
and licks it) Hey, this is a book you don’t eat 
books, that is no. (monster pats the book) 
That’s nice, be nice to the book.
DOUG
Wow, I think you scared him man.
SKEETER
I can’t believe that, he tried to eat Herman 
Melville (monster looks toward Doug and Skeeter 
and grumbles “huh?”).
DOUG
Hey, he looked.
SKEETER
Herman Melville? (monster smiles)
DOUG
He thinks it’s his name.
SKEETER
You- you like the name? Herman Melville?
(monster moans happily and smiles)
DOUG
OK monster, from now on your name is…
DOUG & SKEETER
Herman Melville! (they both laugh)
DOUG
Put it their Herman! (holds out his hand for 
Herman to shake it, instead he grabs Doug and 
picks him up, cuddling him)
SKEETER
He likes you man!
DOUG
Down Herman, down.
SKEETER
Herman! (Herman drops Doug and smiles)
DOUG
Phew, finding Herman sure is a bigger deal than 
working on some dance.
SKEETER
Yeah everybody thought I was crazy. Are they 
ever going to be surprised! (we see Herman 
drinking from the toilet) No, Herman, bad. No 
drinking out of the toilet. (back to Doug) So 
who do we tell first?
DOUG
Skeet this is front-page headlines, we’re going 
to be famous, we have to go right to the top.
(we hear a toilet flush and see Herman’s tail 
coil up, he stops drinking from the toilet and 
has a dizzy look on his face. Scene changes to 
outside the Dink’s house)
DOUG
I hope Mayor Tippy’s home (he knocks and waits 
but there is no response, they look at each 
other).
SKEETER
Knock again!
DOUG
(door opens) But I just knocked.
MR. BUD DINK
(goofy laugh) Well, hello boys. (laughs) You’re 
just in time to see something absolutely 
fantastic (laughs, he pulls Doug and Skeeter 
inside. We then see them in a virtual reality 
space)!
DOUG
But Mr. Dink, we’ve got a headline for you to 
put in the paper (Mr. Dink puts on the V.R. 
goggles).
BUD
Oh just a moment Douglas, wait ‘till you get a 
load of this, virtual reality (goofy laugh).
(we see a shot of what Skeeter is seeing 
through the goggles which is just Bud’s living 
room)
SKEETER
Cool, it’s- it’s- it’s like we’re standing 
right in your living room!
DOUG
But- but we are standing in your living room.
BUD
Exactly, everything’s right where it is on real 
life, down to the last detail. It’s exactly 
like being here, only much more expensive (he 
takes off his goggles and sees Doug and Skeeter 
in their V.R. equipment).
DOUG & SKEETER
Wow!
BUD
(laughs) Now, what are you boys all excited 
about?
SKEETER
(said exactly when Doug says his line) We 
finally have proof Mr. Dink! The monster!
DOUG
Is it too late to get something in the paper?
BUD
Whoa whoa, slow down boys (laughs). I can’t 
understand what you’re saying.
SKEETER
You’re not going to believe what happened! It 
all started…(words fade off, scene changes to 
Bud, Doug and Skeeter walking outside to the 
Dink’s backyard)
BUD
That’s quite a tale boys.
SKEETER
Don’t you believe us?
BUD
Well it’s just that, well you know people have 
been telling tall-tales like that forever. You 
need concrete evidence.
DOUG
Should we show him now?
BUD
Show me what?
SKEETER
(opens the door of Bud’s tool shed) Mr. Dink? 
Meet Herman Melville, the monster of Lucky Duck 
Lake! (Herman moans happily chewing on a 
screwdriver)
BUD
Wh- wh- whoa! (he faints)
(back inside the house)
BUD
(on the phone) Hello, Bluffington Gazette? This 
is Bud Dink, has tomorrow’s edition gone to 
print yet? I have big news!
MRS TIPPY DINK
You mean to tell me that he came out of that 
polluted lake?
DOUG & SKEETER
Yeah, you bet!
SKEETER
(Herman is going to eat a vase) No! Herman, 
don’t -don’t eat that (Skeeter takes the vase 
away from him).
DOUG
It’s the story of the century Mayor Tippy.
TIPPY
This may be bigger news then we think (thinks 
for a while). Bud, hang up!
BUD
Dear?
TIPPY
If you want to keep Herman out of danger, hang 
up that phone now!
(Doug and Skeeter moan worryingly, scene 
changes to Bud, Tippy, Herman, Doug and Skeeter 
at the Dink's table eating dinner)
SKEETER
Mayor Tippy, aren’t we going to tell anyone 
about Herman Melville?
TIPPY
Now, if we call the newspaper -owned by 
Bluffco- and tell them we’ve got a story that 
Bill Bluff is a polluter, someone will kill the 
story and let’s just say it won’t be good for 
Herman either.
(scene changes to them in the kitchen, Doug and 
Skeeter are washing dishes)
DOUG
So you’re saying we can’t tell anybody?
(Herman looks in the fridge and takes out a 
carton of milk and is about to put it in his 
mouth)
SKEETER
No Herman, use this (he hands him a mug).
TIPPY
No, we just have to tell them in a way that Mr. 
Bluff can’t stop. We have to call a citywide 
press conference, make a big splash!
SKEETER
That’s a great idea!
TIPPY
But until then we can’t tell anybody about 
Herman Melville, for his sake. (Herman takes a 
bit out of the mug Skeeter gave him) Can you 
boys keep him absolutely secret until tomorrow?
DOUG & SKEETER
Sure! No problem!
TIPPY
I’ll have the press come here tomorrow, 
meanwhile tonight we better keep him close by.
DOUG
We can keep him next door? At my house! We just 
have to keep people from seeing him.
BUD
I think I have just the thing.
(Skeeter and Doug come out of Mr. Dink’s 
backyard with Herman dressed in an old diving 
suit, they appear back in Doug’s kitchen from 
the basement door, they enter in front of the 
family room and Mr. and Mrs. Funnie catch 
Skeeter and Doug)
MRS. THEDA FUNNIE
(angrily) What is going on?
DOUG
(surprised) Uh, mom!
THEDA
Judith Funnie! I don’t care if you want to 
rehearse your plays at home, but please, muddy 
flippers off the carpet!
DOUG
Oh she’s- uh, it’s not Judy’s fault Mom, it’s 
mine. I’ll be right down to clean it up.
MR. PHIL FUNNIE
Wow, sounds like Doug’s learning some 
responsibility.
THEDA
Oh, our little man.
DOUG
(in his room) Oh, made it. Phew (Porkchop 
begins to growl and bark). Quiet.
PHIL
Doug, is something the matter up there?
DOUG
Everything’s fine Dad.
SKEETER
Shhhh, it’s nothing Porkchop, see? (he removes 
the head mask, Porkchop barks even more, Doug 
takes him outside)
DOUG
The one time in your life, you decide to act 
like a real dog!
(Doug and Skeeter are inside cleaning up the 
mud from Herman’s flippers)
SKEETER
Sometimes it takes a while for dogs to get used 
to monsters man.
(Judy enters) JUDY
Somebody puked?
THEDA
Judith Funnie, I don’t think that’s very nice. 
The least you could do is help clean up your 
mess!
JUDY
My mess? My mess? (laughs) My mess. My mess? Oh 
my mess!
THEDA
What’s gotten into her?
DOUG
Oh you know, Judy (nervous laugh).
SKEETER
Um, can I call my parents Mrs. Funnie? It’s 
getting’ kind of late.
DOUG
Late! What time is- Oh no, Patti! I was 
supposed to meet her at Swirly’s. Gotta go! (he 
exits out the door, jumps over a fence into a 
pool and paddles across the pool) Oh man, Oh 
man, Oh man…
DOUG N.
I took every shortcut I could think of to get 
to Swirly’s and even some I shouldn’t have.
(Doug enters Lucky Duck Park and jumps over a 
bush and rips his pants)
DOUG
Huh? Perfect (jumps over ice patches on the 
sidewalk of the park and gets to the end, then 
a truck splashes mud all over him) Great.
DOUG N.
I was late, I looked like mud and I smelled 
like monster. But I’d knew I’d done the right 
thing and I was hoping Patti would understand. 
(he enters Swirly’s)
(inside Swirly’s) MR. SWIRLY
Yeah, she was here a long time. She looked kind 
of upset, then she left with a guy who kept 
talking about his big plans for some dance.
DOUG
Uh, thank you.
(at the Funkytown Disco)
GUY
I see spotlights, dozens of them! Every colour 
of the rainbow, huge spinning hearts, it’ll be 
big big big!
PATTI
Wow, that is big!
GUY
We’re a great team! Do you know that?
(Doug enters) DOUG
Hey guys!
GUY
How did you get in here?
DOUG
Bought a ticket. Patti, can I talk to you 
alone?
PATTI
We’re a little busy right now Doug, what is it?
DOUG
I came to apologize for being so late to 
Swirly’s. I had a good reason. Something 
happened but I can’t explain it now.
PATTI
Oh.
GUY
Couldn’t get permission from your mommy? C’mon 
Patti, we don’t have time for this little kids 
stuff.
DOUG
We have proof Mr. Bluff ‘s polluting the lake, 
that’s why I-
GUY
(interrupts) Hold it right there. (gets in 
Doug’s face, grabs his arm and whispers) Listen 
pal, if I were you, I wouldn’t go around saying 
stuff you can’t prove!
DOUG
Well I’ve GOT proof! (moves his arm to release 
Guy’s grip)
GUY
What proof?
DOUG
I can’t say.
GUY
Right, well you better watch yourself, Mr. 
Bluff got us into Funkytown to have a dance. If 
he hears you’ve been shooting your mouth off, 
we might be stuck dancing in the school parking 
lot! (laughs)
PATTI
What’s the matter with that? I mean, if Doug’s 
right, isn’t the truth more important than 
having the dance at Funkytown?
GUY
(stammers) Well I haven’t heard any truth for 
one! People’ve been saying dumb stuff like that 
for years.
DOUG
You’ll see tomorrow. It’s going to be (mocking 
Guy) big, big, big, big news! Patti, in the 
mean time, I just came by to tell you I’m sorry 
I was late. But you’ll see why tomorrow. (Doug 
straightens his jacket and the monster picture 
falls to the ground, then he leaves)
PATTI
See ‘ya Doug. (Guy picks up the picture and 
gasps, Patti sees it) What’s that?
GUY
Nothing, nothing babe. I’ll be right back, 
gotta make a call.
(scene switches to the Bluff’s having dinner at 
the dinner table)
BEEBE
So I told Coach Spitz, I’m not allowed to sweat 
and he looked at me really mean, and then he 
says to give him five laps. Can I sue him 
daddy?
(butler is whispering to Bill)
BILL
This better be important (he leaves the table 
and gets the phone). Yes Guy? (pause). A 
picture of what? Of WHAT?!
(scene cuts to Herman sleeping under Doug’s 
bed, camera zooms out showing Skeeter is 
sleeping over with Doug)
SKEETER
I talked to Mayor Tippy, she says the news 
conference is on! Tomorrow night in here front 
lawn.
DOUG
This’ll be so great! I have to make sure Patti 
comes then she’ll understand about Swirly’s. I 
wonder what shoes I should wear.
(Phil opens Doug’s bedroom door and peaks in)
PHIL
You boys are up awful late, telling scary 
stories? (laughs)
SKEETER
Uh, k-kinda Mr. Funnie.
PHIL
Holler if you want me to check under the bed 
for monsters!
DOUG & SKEETER
NO!
(Phil gets a puzzled look on his face and 
leaves, scene changes to the next morning, 
Porkchop is barking outside of the house, Doug, 
Skeeter and Herman are in Doug’s room)
DOUG
My parents are gone all day Herman, you stay 
here, we’ll be back after school O.K.? (Doug 
and Skeeter leave his room and go down the 
stairs)
SKEETER
We’re going to have to do something about 
Porkchop man, if he doesn’t chill out the 
police are going to come.
DOUG
Yeah he’s going nuts. (Doug opens the front 
door and Porkchop runs in and zooms up the 
stairs) Whoa! Porkchop, Nooo! (he opens the 
door holding Porkchop back by the collar) I 
want you to be nice to Herman Melville! (he 
jumps on the bed and barks, Herman gives him a 
Valentine heart and Porkchop starts to cry and 
jumps into Herman’s arms)
SKEETER
I think we’ve all learned something here. (Doug 
closes the door)
DOUG
I think I like the barking better.
(cuts to Mr. Bluff’s Assistant Bob is pointing 
at a map)
BOB
Our people have located monster tracks coming 
toward town. we have agents in the air, on the 
ground and one is underwater.
BILL
Not good enough! We have to find that monster 
now! It must be crushed! (he crushes a paper 
bag)
BILL
That was my lunch sir.
(scene changes to Doug and Patti talking at 
school in the hallway at Patti’s locker)
PATTI
A press conference? Wow, whatever you found 
must be important Doug!
DOUG
Trust me, it’s happening on the Dink’s lawn. We 
sort of have something in the house, but we 
can’t show anybody. Will you come?
PATTI
Well I’m pretty busy with the-
DOUG
(pleading) Please?
PATTI
Sure Doug, of course.
DOUG
I’m glad you trust me about this after I- you 
know- Swirly’s…
PATTI
Forget it Doug. Just don’t do it again or I’ll 
brain ‘ya!
DOUG
You’ll find out everything tonight Patti, it’ll 
all make sense. Gotta run, see ‘ya.
PATTI? Doug?
DOUG
Yeah?
PATTI
Should I bring Guy?
DOUG
Why- why do you want to bring him?
PATTI
Since it’s news and he is head of the school 
newspaper and all.
DOUG
Sure, bring Guy. Perfect!
(School is over and Doug and Skeeter are 
walking home)
SKEETER
I hope Herman Melville is OK.
DOUG
Don’t worry, he’s safe with Porkchop. Besides 
nobody knows he’s there.
(cuts back to Mr. Bluff and Bluff Assistant)
BLUFF AGENT #1
Mr. Bluff, they found it! They found the 
monster! Some kids house. We- we surrounded it!
BILL
Good. Very good.
(we see Bluff agent’s and Bluffco cars 
surrounding a house saying “Move it, Go!”, then 
we see Porkchop playing the piano with Herman 
then back to Doug and Skeeter walking close to 
Doug’s house)
SKEETER
I wonder whose car that is in front of your 
house?
DOUG
(shrugs) Probably some reporter.
(scene changes back to the agents getting ready 
to enter the house, then cuts back to Porkchop 
and Herman at the piano, changes back to the 
agents armed with laser guns kick in the door)
AGENT #1
Freeze!
(scene changes to Porkchop surprised, we see 
Doug and Skeeter enter the house)
DOUG
Hey, ready to be on TV?
(back to the agents)
AGENT
Hand over the monster. (we see the nerds 
working on the robot)
MOO
Sorry, wrong garage I’m afraid. No monster 
here. YET!
AGENT #2
Sir, I think we have the wrong house.
(scene changes to Guy and Patti at school at 
the door of the newspaper office)
GUY
He says he has something inside his house? Hmm, 
really. Sure, I think I can come. Just have to 
make a phone call babe. (shuts the door in 
Patti’s face, changes back to Bill and 
Assistant)
BOB
Look at the bright side Mr. Bluff, it’s not so 
much as they got the wrong house as much as 
they eliminated a house. No monster here.
BILL
(Bill is on the phone with Guy) Quiet! What 
time? Perfect! (hangs up phone) Well looks like 
our monster’s coming to us. Call our guys down 
at the press and get a few trucks.
(scene changes to the press conference in the 
Dink’s lawn, various news reporters are 
talking)
TIPPY
I’d like to thank you all for coming this 
afternoon.
(Doug, Skeeter, Herman and Mr. Dink are inside 
a type of outside room)
DOUG
A lot of reporters out there, this is going to 
be so great.
SKEETER
(sighs) I don’t know man.
DOUG
What’s the matter?
SKEETER
I got a funny feeling about this. Maybe we 
should forget the whole thing.
DOUG
Are you kidding? Do you wanna stop now?
SKEETER
I don’t know I’m asking. Wouldn’t it be safer 
if we just took Herman back to the lake and 
forgot all this?
DOUG
Take him back? But- you mean…(a daydream 
begins, Doug and Skeeter are on TV as dumb 
hillbillies)
SKEETER
Uh, we had a monster. Swear! (giggle)
DOUG
Duh, but we let ‘im go (goofy laugh) Yeah! 
(goofy laugh)
SKEETER
Sure did! No lie! Yup!
PATTI
(watching the TV) What a pair of liars!
DOUG & SKEETER
Huh?
GUY
(turns off TV) I told ‘ya. Now kiss me (he 
leans towards Patti for a kiss, daydream is 
over).
DOUG
No Skeet, we gotta do this cause, it’s the 
right thing to do.
SKEETER
You just had a fantasy about Patti didn’t you?
DOUG
No….well kind of.
SKEETER
You always get that blurry look.
DOUG
But do you really want everybody to think you 
were either crazy or lying all this time when 
you said there was a monster? They’ll never 
believe you if you don’t show them Herman.
SKEETER
I guess, you’re right man. Well, better get out 
there. See ‘ya in minute Herman (Herman moans 
“bye”).
(back outside with Tippy)
TIPPY
I’d like to introduce Mosquito Valentine, 
who’ll tell you the story in his own words. 
(she leaves and Skeeter comes to the podium)
SKEETER
Thank you Mayor Tippy, honk honk (makes 
continuous various mouth sounds). Sorry, always 
wanted to do that on TV (clears throat) Four 
months a go, I was fishing at Lucky Duck 
Lake….(voice trails off as Guy and Patti 
arrive)
GUY
Ah, this is pointless, we should be working on 
the dance.
PATTI
Shouldn’t you be here anyway Guy? After all, 
you’re head of the school paper.
GUY
I couldn’t get this story in the paper if I 
tried.
PATTI
What do you mean?
GUY
You know, we have this dinky little crank mimeo 
machine, it takes two weeks to get the news 
out, it’s ancient history by then. If I want a 
story to come out on time I have to right it 
before it happens.
PATTI
That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard 
of.
(back in the room with Mr. Dink and Herman)
DOUG
(excited) She made it! Patti made it! See 
Herman, that’s her! (Herman points to his head) 
Yeah, the one with the yellow hair, that’s her, 
that’s Patti! I can’t wait to take you out 
there (not excited) and show you.
 BUD
That’s funny, (Bud is changing channels on the 
TV) the speech is supposed to be going out 
live. But it’s not on any of the channels.
DOUG
Hmmm…
(back outside) PATTI
What are you so fidgety for?
GUY
Nothing, nothing.
(Doug is outside going behind the reporters)
SKEETER
It was here, that I first had contact with the 
monster. And so, let me reveal our discover, 
which will reveal once and for all that there 
is a Lucky Duck Lake monster.
(Doug trips on a cable wire and a cameraman’s 
camera deflates)
CAMERAMAN
Hey, watch it buddy (he re-inflates his 
camera).
SKEETER
And now I guess its time to talk about what 
happened at my house. My friend Doug Funnie, 
with an I.E. will help me. Hey Doug! (all the 
reporters turn to face him, Doug gulps and he 
comes up to the podium) Alright, he’s coming!
DOUG
(he stands in front of the microphone) Well I’d 
like to say…um…something’s not right I think we 
made a big mistake. (reporters argue “Mr. 
Funnie, is this your idea of a joke?”) I’m 
sorry I got to go now. (he runs behind the 
Dink’s house)
GUY
I knew it! Sea monsters, right.
PATTI
I can’t believe it.
GUY
What a major con artist! (sighs) I can’t 
believe you dragged me to this joke!
PATTI
I’m really sorry about this Guy, I had no idea 
Doug would lie like that (they walk away).
DOUG
(calling to Patti) Wait! Stop! (reporters hound 
him questions and remarks) Patti! Patti!
(scene changes to Roger and the nerds at 
Roger’s house)
ROGER
Well, it’s about time! O.K. let’s see it!
AL
May we present…
ALL NERDS
RoboCrusher!
(camera focus up close on his claws and whole 
body, then camera zooms out to see it is 
smaller than Roger)
ROGER
You lame brains! It’s dinky. Didn’t you look at 
my plan? It’s supposed to be this big compared 
to me!
ELMO
Exactly! (he takes out a ray gun and shoots a 
laser beam at Roger which shrinks him)
ROGER
You dip sticks, this is wrong. Change me back, 
change me back now!
ELMO
Can we do that?
AL & MOO
(shrug saying “I don’t know)
(scene changes back to the Dink’s lawn and the 
outside room)
SKEETER
What happened Doug? Why didn’t you tell them 
about the monster?
TIPPY
What’s going on?
DOUG
Look! (a reporter opens the back of his news 
truck, inside is a giant cage. Then back inside 
the Dink’s house, Herman is hugging Doug)
SKETTER
He’s trying to thank you for saving him man.
DOUG
Tell him to stop it (Herman drops him and he 
falls on the ground, he gets up and starts 
pointing to his hair). Huh?
SKEETER
You’re head itch Herman?
DOUG
No, he means Patti. And he’s right, she must 
think I’m a big liar now (he sits on a couch).
TIPPY
You did the right thing Doug. I’m proud of you.
SKEETER
I’ve been telling people all year there was a 
monster in the lake. They thought I was making 
it up, now they’ll never believe me.
TIPPY
Bill Bluff is going to stop at nothing boys, we 
know that now. We have to do what’s right.
SKEETER
Even if everybody thinks we’re big fat liars?
TIPPY
You boys don’t want anything to happen to 
Herman, and I know you wouldn’t want to make 
yourselves look good if it would hurt him. 
Right boys? (Herman and Skeeter sit with Doug 
on the couch)
DOUG & SKEETER
Right. (Herman gives Skeeter and Doug a big hug 
and kisses them)
TIPPY
You just have to do that right thing no matter 
what people think. Eventually, the truth will 
come out. Now, what do you say we have some of 
Bud’s leftover meatloaf.
BUD
Now you’re talking. Let’s go boys.
(they leave, scene changes to Roger in his 
house going to his room)
ROGER
What kind of loser nerds can’t even build a 
stinkin’ robot right. Where did they put that 
pile of junk? (he opens the door to his room 
and sees the robot cleaning up and dressed in a 
maid’s outfit, she’s changed the room with pink 
decorations) Ahh, my room! What happened to my 
room?
ROBOCRUSHER
Ah, you didn’t expect me to leave that 
atrocious mess did you? Now, let’s get you out 
of that beastly outfit and into something more 
presentable (she holds a vest-shirt combination 
like Doug’s, Roger screams. Scene changes to 
the Bluff’s at the dinner table).
BILL
It’s only a matter of time. They have to leave 
the house sometime, and when they do, BAM! We 
strike!
BEEBE
Daddy, what are you talking about?
BILL
Oh, uh...baseball, Princess.
BEEBE
Ugh, that game has dirt. Please don’t talk 
about it when I’m eating.
BILL
Of course Beebe doll, whatever you say.
(back in Roger’s room, the robot is cradling 
Roger in his pajamas singing)
ROBOCRUSHER
Lullaby and good night, (Roger speaking over 
the lullaby
Stop it. Please stop it). Sleep as softly 
around you. (Oh, my back, you gotta stop 
singing). Lay you down now and rest (it’s only 
eight thirty). (robot continues to sing and 
Roger tries to get away)
ROGER
I’m going to get those guys.
(scene changes to the morning, Doug is walking 
to school)
DOUG N.
The next morning I left for school early. I 
wanted to explain things to Patti as soon as I 
could. But I kinds got this creepy feeling 
somebody was watching me. (Bluff agents are all 
around Doug pretending to be doing normal 
activities and following him. We hear many 
agents talking at once, but all saying 
different things into hidden microphones, it is 
very obvious they are watching Doug).
Hmmm..
(Doug stops walking and looks around. Scene 
changes to Skeeter and Beebe at school in the 
hallway at Beebe’s locker, Skeeter is holding a 
homemade Valentine card in the shape of 
himself)
SKEETER
Happy Valentine’s Day Beebe!
BEEBE
Sorry, I don’t take Valentines from lying lie 
fake LIARS! (she leaves)
SKEETER
(sighs) Man.
(scene cuts to Bluff agents surrounding Doug’s 
house, Agent #1 kicks in the front door and 
signals for other agents to enter)
AGENT #1
Move, move! (we hear various shouts from the 
agents as they head upstairs to Doug’s room, 
they kick in the door to his room and enter to 
see the diving suit standing still) Freeze sea 
beast! (he removes the headpiece and nothing is 
there) What the-? (Porkchop’s head then pokes 
out of the space)
(scene changes to Principal Bob White’s room at 
the school, Doug and Herman are in there. 
Herman is dressed in hippie clothes and has a 
wig)
BOB
Well has mayor- I mean principal, I am honored 
to welcome this new exchange student to our 
illustrious school! Welcome. What’s her name?
DOUG
Well Principal White..
BOB
Principal White? Hmm, now why does that name 
sound so familiar?
DOUG
No! It’s Herman- uh nione.
BOB
Oh, what a beautiful name! Hermanuhninione. 
Well uh, welcome to our school young foreign 
person, (whispers) vote for me! (Herman roars 
really loudly) What did she say?
DOUG
Thanks! She said thanks!
(scene changes to Doug, Hermione, Skeeter and 
the class in Mrs. Perigrew’s Art class)
MRS. PERIGREW
I want everyone to just let their emotions 
floooow onto the canvas.
(camera shows Skeeter, Hermione and Doug 
painting together, Hermione is drinking the 
paint but keep it in her mouth and Skeeter 
notices)
SKEETER
Hermione, No! Bad, that’s dirty.
(Hermione sneezes and all the paint goes all 
over the canvas, Mrs. Perigrew comes over)
MRS. PERIGREW
Hermione, remarkable work. So primitive, so 
free!
(Hermione burps and wipes his mouth. Scene 
changes to the cafeteria, Doug, Hermione and 
Skeeter are in line to be served. When Hermione 
gets her tray of food she puts the whole thing 
in her mouth. She then grabs the food from 
behind the counter with her hands and starts 
eating it. Doug and Skeeter pull her away to 
stop her. The lunch lady notices and she smacks 
Hermione’s hand with a ladle, Hermione screams 
in pain and pulls back her hands.)
GIRL
Look at Doug with that cute girl.
(Patti notices Doug cleaning food of the face 
of Hermione. Scene changes to them in class 
opening and reading Valentine cards. Camera 
shifts across the room and we see Hermione has 
the most in the class, she then eats a handful 
of cards. Scene then changes to all three of 
them entering the boys bathroom, from inside we 
hear)
NERD #2
Ah, girl in the boys room!
(all the nerds run out saying various things. 
Skeeter and Doug then take Hermione to the 
Girls room and they are waiting outside, it 
seems to be taking a long time, she then 
finally comes out with a group of girls talking 
about perfume and hair styles. Doug and Skeeter 
follow them down the hall as they go past 
Patti’s locker. Patti sees Hermione, Skeeter 
and Doug run by. Doug stops and looks towards 
Patti)
PATTI
Humph! (she walks away)
DOUG
Uh, Patti I have to talk to you.
PATTI
Thanks for the Valentine Doug.
DOUG
What Valentine? (Patti gets an unhappy face 
realizing Doug didn’t send her the Valentine) 
Oh, I’m sorry. Look I’ve been busy-
PATTI
(interrupts) So I’ve seen.
DOUG
Look, I want to tell you something but you 
can’t tell anybody right? (whispers) We found 
the Lucky Duck Lake monster, that’s why I 
didn’t go to Swirly’s the other night. (Patti 
leaves) Wait, where are you going?
PATTI
(angry, she walks down the hall and Doug follow 
as they talk) Doug, I’m going to stand here and 
be lied to. I’m not blind you know, I know who 
you’re really spending your time with.
DOUG
What are you talking about?
PATTI
That Hermione girl you’ve been hanging around 
with all day.
DOUG
That’s who I’m talking about.
PATTI
Then why don’t you act like a grownup and just 
say you’re hanging out with her now? (they stop 
walking at the newspaper office)
DOUG
But I’m not! Well I am. b-but I’m not really.
PATTI
Oh really? I saw you all over her in the 
cafeteria. (she enters the office)
DOUG
Come on Patti, she’s not even a girl.
PATTI
I know you think I must be dumb because I 
believe all that monster stuff before, but I 
hope you don’t think I’m that gullible Doug. 
(Guy enters from a side door)
GUY
Hello kids! Oh, Doug I see you’re still 
pestering Patti. Sorry, we have to get to 
Funkytown.
PATTI
See ‘ya Doug.
DOUG
Uh, but… (they leave the office and close the 
door, Doug is left alone. Scene changes to 
after school, the bell rings and Skeeter peeks 
out of the entrance of the school to see if 
it’s safe and goes back in. He comes back out 
with Hermione and Doug)
SKEETER
I thought it over man, we can’t take him to our 
houses anymore, it isn’t safe. (they walk down 
the sidewalk and go by Beebe and Connie)
BEEBE
See ‘ya Hermione.
CONNIE
See ‘ya tomorrow. (Hermione waves back and 
grumbles “bye”, Skeeter pulls down on her arm, 
making her put it down)
SKEETER
There’s only one thing left to do. We have to 
get him back to the lake before Mr. Bluff gets 
him. I’ll take him there now (they stop at a 
road crossing) get your camping gear and meet 
us. (the crossing guard tells them to cross the 
street)
DOUG
(said very unhappy, not really caring) 
Whatever, O.K., right, yeah.
SKEETER
Come on Doug, we gotta do this man.
DOUG
Yeah I know.
CROSSING GUARD
(speaks into a microphone in his sleeve) 
Crossing.
(scene changes to later that night. The camera 
moves from Funkytown to the lake and we see 
Doug, Skeeter and Herman sitting by a fire)
DOUG N.
I thought it had been the worst day of my life. 
But I was wrong, things hadn’t even started to 
get bad yet.
SKEETER
Oh, it sure is cold tonight. Hey Herman, can 
you hand me some wood? We’ll we’re back where 
we started.
DOUG
Only everyone thinks we’re liars and Patti 
hates me but other than that, yes, we’re right 
back where we started.
SKEETER
Well at least Herman Melville will be free 
(sound of a gun cocking in the distance). Did 
you hear something?
DOUG
Yeah over there (they go over to the bush and 
brush away part of the bush to reveal the 
costume used by Roger and his gang to scare 
Skeeter). What is it?
SKEETER
I guess those guys were in a pretty big hurry 
the other night.
(Herman returns holding a big log)
DOUG
No Herman, no. Too big. Little sticks, tiny 
little- (various radio talk, they look toward 
the bush)
SKEETER
Maybe we’d better get him back in the water.
DOUG
Yeah.
SKEETER
This is it buddy, time to get in the water 
Herman, c’mon. (Herman doesn’t want to go)
DOUG
C’mon Herman, back in the water c’mon. What’s 
the matter? Maybe he’ll go in if we swim with 
him. Take off your pants.
SKEETER
Me? You take off your pants.
DOUG
It’s too cold anyway, just pretend. O.K. here 
we go, we’re going to go swimming.
DOUG & SKEETER
Swimming, c’mon buddy. Yeah oh swimming, great 
idea (laughs).
(they pretend to swim around)
DOUG
Don’t you wanna swim with us Herman? (Herman 
growls as if he had something to show them)
(Herman growls and throws the log over Doug and 
Skeeter’s head into the lake. The limb 
scratches his arm, we see Doug’s ripped 
sleeve).
DOUG
Ahhh, hey.
SKEETER
Herman, what are you doing? You hurt Doug.
DOUG
Stop it you big fish. I’m glad we’re getting 
rid of you, you’re nothing but bad news. 
(almost crying) You lost me the only person I 
ever cared about and now I wish-
SKEETER
Hey! Look man! (the log Herman threw is being 
eaten away by the pollution) Wow! No wonder he 
didn’t want us to go there. I knew it was 
polluted, but not that bad. Mayor Tippy was 
right.
DOUG
He can’t go back there. Wah? (Herman puts a 
Band-Aid on Doug’s rip)
SKEETER
I think you hurt his feeling man.
DOUG
I’m sorry. Thanks for saving us Herman.
SKEETER
He can’t go back in that lake man.
DOUG
What are we going to do with him?
BILL
(comes out of the forest) I think I can answer 
that!
DOUG
Run Herman!
(Herman runs but is cut off by agents, they re 
shouting various commands. Herman tries running 
another way but an agent shoots a net onto him)
DOUG & SKEETER
Herman! (they run to him but two agents block 
their way)
DOUG
Leave him alone!
(other agents put ropes around its neck and 
hands. Agent #1 holds a needle with a liquid 
inside, Herman is roaring to get away)
AGENT #1
This’ll knock him out for a while (he injects 
the liquid, Doug and Skeeter look away, and 
Herman falls unconscious)
BILL
Get him outta here (agents drag him away).
SKEETER
You can’t do this.
BILL
Quite you. I don’t wanna hear anything from 
you. If I hear one more peep it’s gonna- you’re 
gonna be so- Bob?
BOB
Let’s just say it won’t be pretty for you.
BILL
Right! You boys decided you were going to make 
me look bad, I have friends at your school. You 
boys could be in middle school for a long time 
to come. If you know what’s good for ‘ya, 
you’ll forget everything that happened here 
tonight.
(scene changes to show a Bluffco truck drive 
away and Doug and Skeeter behind some bushes)
DOUG
Ugh, what do we do now?
SKEETER
We gotta stop him and I don’t care if I’m in 
middle school for the rest of my life.
DOUG
Me neither, let’s go (they jump over the bush 
and run) I just hope I don’t have to keep 
taking band.
(scene changes to two officers driving down the 
road talking and have doughnuts)
POLICE OFFICER #1
All I’m saying is that sure Superman is 
stronger than Batman, but Batman’s got superior 
technology. So, say my doughnuts kryptonite..
POLICE OFFICER #2 (driving)
Whoa!
(Doug and Skeeter are on the road trying to get 
the police car to stop, it doesn’t stop until 
Doug yells “Ahhh!”, the car screeches to a 
stop, they were nearly hit by the car. When it 
stop, they run to the driver’s window)
OFFICER #2
What is it boys?
SKEETER
(out of breath) Our friend. They kidnapped out 
friend.
(they get in the car and drive past the 
Thaddeus statue)
DOUG
Up here. Take a left. (the car drives up to Mr. 
Bluff’s house and parks)
OFFICER #1
There must be some mistake boys. This is Bill 
Bluff’s house.
SKEETER
He’s the one. Hey kidnapped out friend.
OFFICER #1
Hey boys, that’s a serious charge.
DOUG
We’re telling the truth, you have to hurry. 
They’re going to kill him if we don’t do 
something. (they get out of the car and ring 
the doorbell, Mr. Bluff opens the door)
OFFICER #1
Sorry to bother you like this Mr. Bluff.
BILL
(yawns) What seems to be the problem officer?
OFFICER #1
Uh, these boys seem to think you know where 
their friend is.
BILL
What does this friend of yours look like boys?
SKEETER
You know what he looks like. He’s about this 
tall and he’s slimy and scaly.
DOUG
It’s the monster from the lake.
OFFICER #1
What? What are you two trying to pull?
BILL
Now now officer, I was a kid too. But I assure 
you, I’m not hiding any scary monsters in here. 
Why, Beebe wouldn’t allow it. Except for some 
of the boys she goes out with (Bill and the 
officers chuckle)
SKEETER
But Mr. Officer-
BILL
Maybe you boys better go back to bed.
DOUG
Yeah, but we-
OFFICER #1
Alright that’s enough, let’s get you boys home. 
Sorry to bother you Mr. Bluff.
BILL
Don’t mention it.
(scene changes to a room, inside the Bluff’s 
house where all the agents are. It seems they 
have nothing to do and are doing random 
activities. Agent #1 is looking though a 
telescope and then goes over to a helm of a 
ship in the room. He turns it and the whole 
room shifts to the side he moved it, knocking 
people down, then he moves it back)
BOB
Don’t touch that. (Bill enters the room and 
everyone stands at attention, the agents run 
over to his desk) O.K. Mr. Bluff, they’re just 
waiting for your word and they’ll- uh..
AGENT #1
Dispose of the monster.
BILL
I don’t know, those kids have got people 
suspicious. If this gets out- well lets just 
say I don’t need any more bad press.
AGENT #1
Hey, it’s a fish right. Whenever we had a fish 
go belly up, whoosh, down the toilet. Nobody’s 
the wiser.
BOB
Need an awful big toilet for a fish that size.
AGENT #1
I know where to get a big toilet.
BOB
What’s a toilet like that going to cost?
AGENT #1
Less than you think.
BILL
Enough, here’s what we’re going to do. Instead 
of keeping this quiet, we’re gonna tell 
everybody.
BOB
You feeling alright sir?
BILL
Boys? This is our chance to stop this bad press 
once and for all. We’re just not going to get 
rid of him, Bill Bluff is going to save the 
town from this monster.
(scene changes to Doug sleeping in his bed, 
he’s tossing and turning)
DOUG N.
That night I couldn’t sleep, my brain wouldn’t 
shut up. (a dream starts, the head of the 
person who is talking floats across the screen)
BILL
You boys could be in middle school for a long 
time to come.
PATTI
I know you think I must be dumb because I 
believe all that monster stuff..
SKEETER
I think you hurt his feelings.
GUY
We might be stuck dancing in the school parking 
lot!
DOUG
..much cooler than over seeing a dance.
BILL
If you know what’s good for ‘ya, you’ll forget 
everything that happened here tonight.
BEEBE
Guy has real accomplishments, and he’s friend 
with my dad.
DOUG
I know your dad.
BILL
Not like he does (Doug’s blanket forms Bill 
Bluff’s head as he laughs, the camera spins 
around in Bill’s mouth as Doug screams and the 
dream is over).
DOUG N.
(Doug is out of his house and running to 
school) The next morning, it dawned on me. I 
was using Herman to try to impress Patti. I 
wasn’t thinking about what would happen to him 
until it was too late. Now I had a chance to 
try to save him. My last chance. There was only 
one person that could help me get through to 
Mr. Bluff. It was about time to swallow my 
pride. (he gets to school and knocks on the 
door, the janitor opens the door for him)
DOUG
Have you seen Guy?
JANITOR
Yeah, I think I saw him in the news office. 
(Doug runs to the news office and looks in)
DOUG
Guy?
DOUG N.
Or at least he had been there.
DOUG
(sighs) Arg, huh? (he goes over to the 
computer)
DOUG N.
That’s when I saw it.
DOUG
Oh no! (he sits at the computer’s chair)
SKEETER
I’ve been looking for you everywhere man. What 
is it man?
DOUG
On the screen. Next week’s Weekly Beebe.
SKEETER
(reading from the screen) Monster destroyed, 
Bill Bluff a hero!
DOUG
We’re too late. Herman’s dead.
(Doug and Skeeter are at Swirly’s sitting at a 
table)
DOUG
This stinks! Everything stinks. They killed 
Herman. This stinks!
SKEETER
(reading from a print out they made) “Night of 
fun turns into night of terror, when monster 
rampages through school Valentine dance.” (he 
hands the paper to Doug)
DOUG
“The horrible monster was blasted into smithereens thus saving the dance organized by 
cool upperclassman Guy Graham?”
SKEETER
Of course, he had to mention his dance.
DOUG
Wait a minute, that’s- the dance isn’t until tonight. What was I thinking. Of course, Guy wanted to make sure this was in next week’s paper. This isn’t what they did, this is what 
they’re going to do.
SKEETER
Mayor Tippy! (they leave the table)
(we see the Dink’s house as the phone rings, Bud answers the phone)
BUD
Dink residence. Oh, hello Douglas. Oh, I’m sorry. Mr. Bluff asked Tippy to fill in for him at a 
charity function in Bloatsburg. Can I connect you to our very expensive voice mail? Let’s 
see, you press two…
(we then see Doug and Skeeter at a pay phone in front of Swirly’s)
DOUG
No, that’s O.K. Mr. Dink, thanks. (Doug hangs up the phone) Mr. Bluff, even got to Mayor Tippy, he’s out of town.
SKEETER
(sighs) What are we going to do man? We’ve only got a few hours.
(pause)
DOUG
We’re going to get some real help (he picks up the phone and dials).
SKEETER
The police?
DOUG
Even better!
(scene changes to two telephones ringing, camera zooms out as we see who answers the phone at the same time)
AL & MOO
Hello, Sleech residence.
(scene then changes to Doug, Skeeter, Al and Moo in Doug’s room)
DOUG
We only have a few hours left, we have to save a life so it’s important to make sure we get everything right. Here’s the deal…
(upbeat music plays as we see the boys are very busy making plans and talking to each other for 
a long time having snacks in between. Then Theda comes into the room and the boys stop. 
She looks back and forth at the boys and replaces and empty plate of cookies with a new full plate and leaves the room, the boys get back to business as it turns to night time.)
DOUG
Well that’s it, we better get going and hope we get it right.
SKEETER
Wait a minute. Oh no!
DOUG
What? What is it?
SKEETER
Even if we get Herman Melville free, what are we going to do with him? We can’t take him back 
to the lake.
DOUG
That’s right, it’s totally polluted.
(Porkchop is barking and pulling on Doug’s shirt)
DOUG
What is it Porkchop?
AL
I believe your canine friend is pointing to something on the map.
DOUG
Porkchop, you’re a genius.
SKEETER
What is it?
DOUG
Funkytown is next to Lucky Duck Lake, but there’s a back entrance and it leads to Crystal 
Lake and that’s where we’re taking Herman. We know what to do, let’s go.
(scene changes to the Funkytown entrance, a bus pulls up and lets of people who are going to the dance)
DOUG
8:14. Ready and mark. What did you just push?
AL
This cool light.
(bus leaves and we see Roger steps out of his limo and go towards the entrance, RoboCrusher 
jumps in)
ROGER
Joey Cucamonga! Give me a heart attack why don’t ya?
ROBOCRUSHER
I brought you this (she pulls out a winter jacket). That jacket may be fashionable but 
it’s certainly not warm enough (she puts it on him).
ROGER
Nooooooo!
(scene changes to the Funkytown Disco where a band is playing “Deep Deep Water” and Bluff agents are all around with their laser guns)
PRINCIPAL BOB WHITE
(talking to Roger’s gang) Why aren’t you boys dancing?
WILLY
Duh, you mean with a girl?
BOOMER
I’m eatin’ snacks.
WILLY
I have to go to the bathroom.
(camera spreads across the room and we see Doug entering the disco)
DOUG
Huh? (he looks up and notices all of the agents around the room, Skeeter is across the room)
SKEETER
My, this is certainly good punch, eh Elmo? (he looks towards Doug who gives him a nod and 
Skeeter goes outside to the delivery area) Excuse me, mister guard sir? I’m expecting a 
truck to come over from Bluffco in a few minutes.
GUARD
(looks at his clipboard) Nope, no trucks due tonight.
SKEETER
You’re sure there’s not one parked near by? Gonna pull up at 8:30? Kinda big, smells fishy? No? Maybe I’ll just wait and see.
(scene goes to Roger, the robot and Al and Moo at the entrance of the dance)
ROGER
I’m telling you, I got royally jinxed. I demand that you make this thing leave me alone.
AL
No problem Roger.
MOO
Why didn’t you ask? RoboCrusher, 46-21.
(RoboCrusher moans and falls to the ground, Roger kicks it)
ROGER
Well its about time (walks toward the dance). Humph!
AL
(talking into is watch) Phase one complete.
DOUG
(responding) Roger. (Roger is walking behind him and comes over to Doug.)
ROGER
What?
DOUG
Uh.. nice jacket?
ROGER
Yeah right. (he takes off the jacket RoboCrusher gave him, we see Doug’s watch turn to 8:27, then we see Patti looking around the room and Guy jumping at her)
GUY
Hey, looking for someone?
PATTI
Oh Guy, you scared me. (she laughs, Doug gets annoyed and shakes his fists, then scene changes back outside with Skeeter)
SKEETER
Are you sure, nothing supposed to shop up around 8:30? From Bluffco?
GUARD
Nope, they made their delivery hours ago.
SKEETER
Oh. (gasps)
(back inside)
PATTI
Nobody’s dancing, maybe we should go out and break the ice?
GUY
You took the words right out of my mouth. Only let’s wait a couple minutes.
PATTI
Why?
GUY
(angry) Because I said so. I mean, let’s just wait, over here, please?
SKEETER
(heard on Doug’s receiver) Herman’s already here.
DOUG
What?
SKEETER
They already got Herman here someplace, look around quick.
(Al and Moo are cover RoboCrusher with a table clothe)
MOO
(gasps) 8:30!
AL
He must be right in the middle of everything.
DOUG
In the middle.
(he sees the agents getting ready into position with their lasers)
AGENT
Stand by. Wait for it.
DOUG
(looks around a sees a giant heart in the middle of the dance floor on a table) The heart.
PATTI
Oh Guy. (she laughs and walks away from where Doug is)
DOUG N.
I had to make the hardest decision of my life. Going after Patti, or saving Herman.
(he runs towards the heart, scene changes outside Funkytown where a limo pulls up and 
Bill Bluff steps out)
BOB
Just in timer sir. We’re just about to break the heart.
(back inside, Doug is wheeling the heart out of the room)
GUY
What’s he doing?
AGENT
The hour is approaching. (he gets ready to fire) Hold your fire, get these kids out of the way. (Doug and Skeeter keep wheeling out the heart, when suddenly the heart begins to crack)
DOUG
No Herman. Stay, stay! (he fully cracks open the heart, Doug and Skeeter grab him and run 
off) C’mon Skeet let’s get him outta here.
(at the same time, Al and Moo uncover RoboCrusher who is now dressed in the costume 
Roger had when he was going to scare Skeeter. The robot begins a pretend rampage of the 
dance)
ROBOCRUSHER
(moans) I’m a monster!
AGENT #1
It’s over there. It’s over there. (he guides the other agents towards the robot. The agents 
come from all around) Go, go, go. Fire. (all the agents shoot the robot with laser guns, breaking plates as well. The robot falls and crawls on the ground, it smokes and flails a bit. Behind the crowd and some speakers, Doug and Skeeter dress the monster as Hermione.)
SKEETER
I think we’re ready, get the wig.
DOUG
O.K, O.K. C’mon Herman.(the three of them run out the back. Patti sees them leave)
GUY
(obviously acting) My goodness, a crazed monster. Thank goodness I alerted Mr. Bluff’s agents in time to protect the citizens of Bluffington.
AGENTS
Coming though, coming through. (heard over there radio) Approach with caution. Approach 
with caution. (agent #1 takes the costume off of the robot, the robot is broken up into pieces)
ROBOCRUSHER
Roger, Roger. Somebody take this-
AGENT #1
Take him (they shoot the robot even more and it falls on the ground holding something, the robot falls). What is it?
AGENT
(grabs it and spreads it out) Looks like clean underwear sir. (agent #1 grumbles)
(at the back entrance, Skeeter, Doug and Herman run towards the dock)
SKEETER
Here you go Herman, it’s clean water. Go, go!
DOUG
This is it Herman, you have to go. Now, hurry, before they get here. (Doug takes off Herman’s disguise)
SKEETER
Home. This is your new home. (Herman grabs Doug and Skeeter and hugs them)
DOUG
Not now, Herman. Not now. (the agent’s spotlight flashes on them)
AGENT #1
There it is. You three, freeze. (agents appear from the other side)
SKEETER
GO! (Herman dives into the water)
DOUG
Alright! Go Herman! Go! (Mr. Bluff runs through the agents)
BILL
Where is it?
SKEETER
The monster’s in the lake Mr. Bluff, 10 miles long and 5 miles wide. You’re welcome to start looking.
BILL
You! Well you two must be pretty smart. Well we’ll see how smart you are when I get through 
with you. Because from now on, I will dedicate every waking hour to making the rest of your 
days, a living, writhing, pain-wracked nightmare.
BEEBE
Daddy, knock it off.
BILL
But sugar-pie. I was just trying-
BEEBE
Doug and Skeeter are my friends, such as they are, if you have something to tell them, please 
discuss it with me.
BILL
But Beebekins, honey I-
TIPPY
Bill, I think you should discuss your pollution problems, with me.
BILL
Mayor Dink! Oh yes of course, certainly, certainly.
TIPPY
Meanwhile, it’s cold out here, shouldn’t you kids be inside dancing? (spotlight shuts off and Bill goes away following Beebe. Doug picks up Herman’s disguise and sees Patti on the shore, Doug runs up to her)
DOUG
Patti, I’ve been trying to call you.
PATTI
Looks like you were pretty busy.
DOUG
This? (holding Herman’s dress) Oh, this is what we disguised the monster in.
PATTI
Not that again.
DOUG
But it’s true. See, he was- he was like a friend to us. He was so great, I wanted to tell 
you more than anybody but I couldn’t I didn’t want to put you in danger or get him into 
trouble because- (Patti gasps) Patti? Are you O.K. Patti? (Doug turns around) Herman! What 
are you-?
PATTI
Mon- mon-
HERMAN
Herman.
(scene changes to Doug, Skeeter, and Herman at the tip of the dock and Guy, Patty and Beebe at the beginning)
SKEETER
I’m glad you came back man. I forgot, I brought you something. (he takes out Moby Dick) 
Remember this? Herman Melville’s works? It’s not only a momento, it’s tasty snack in case you get hungry (Herman shakes his head). No, it’s good, I tried it you were right, mmmm yummy. (Herman gets a sad face)
DOUG
What is it Herman? Is something the matter? (he pulls out a flower and hands it to Doug) Did- did you pick this for me? (Herman shakes his head each time) Is it for Skeeter? Patti?
HERMAN
Porkchop.
(Porkchop then comes running out of the woods barking, he runs up on the dock and jumps into Herman’s arms giving him a hug. Herman returns the hug)
SKEETER
I think I got something in my eye.
(We see Patti reading the news article that Doug had)
GUY
(gasps) Who gave you that?
PATTI
Humph! How could you?
GUY
Oh please, all this fuss over a big stinky lizard. I may throw up, we’re outta here, you comin' or what? (he grabs Patti’s arm)
PATTI
Guy.
GUY
What?
PATTI
You’re outta here (she pushes Guy the dock into shallow water, Beebe and Patti walk up to 
Skeeter, Doug and Herman).
SKEETER
Goodbye Herman. I hope you like your new home. I’ll (almost crying he hugs Herman) miss you.
(Herman goes to jump into the water)
DOUG
Wait! I’ll miss you too man (they hug).
(Herman jumps in the water, everyone says “See ‘ya”. The scene changes to show Doug, Patti, Beebe and Skeeter sitting at the edge of the dock)
PATTI
I can’t believe I let Guy fool me like that. Sorry I didn’t trust you Doug.
DOUG
Well none of it would have ever happened if I wasn’t trying so hard to impress you.
PATTI
What Doug?
DOUG
Uh..(music is heard from inside)
BEEBE
Sounds like the dance has started up again.
PATTI
What were you going to say Doug?
DOUG
Well I-
ROGER
Hey! Psst, Funnie. You hoo! (Roger is calling Doug towards the forest)
DOUG
Just a second. (grumbles) Every time I get a chance…
ROGER
I just wanted to (clears throat) thank you and the guys for getting rid of my uh, robot problem.
DOUG
That’s O.K., no problem Roger.
ROGER
Thanks man, you’re a-
ROBOCRUSHER
(interrupts, she’s in pieces dragging herself along the ground holding the jacket) There you are, oh you forgot your jacket. (Roger screams like a girl and runs away) Roger, Roger, Roger…(Doug goes back to the dock with Patti)
DOUG
Well maybe we could, should check out this dance, huh?
PATTI
Or not?
DOUG
Oh, O.K. cool.
PATTI
We can here the music from here.
DOUG
Oh! Sss-so, you just wanna listen?
PATTI No.
DOUG
Oh. Oh, you mean you- , do you- (Patti chuckles) d- would you?
PATTI
Sure! (they start to dance, camera shifts to Skeeter and Beebe on the dock. Skeeter is looking out into the lake, Beebe sees Patti and Doug)
BEEBE
What are you thinking about Skeet-ski?
SKEETER
Fractals?
BEEBE
Oh but look, Doug and Patti are dancing,
doesn’t that give you any ideas?
SKEETER
Uh..no?
BEEBE
Skeeter Valentine, dance me! (they begin to 
dance)
DOUG N.
So journal, that was Valentine’s day. Up to the last minute, I thought that everyone - especially Patti - would think I was a big loser. But like Mayor Tippy said, it’s important to do the right thing, no matter what everyone else thinks. And maybe because he followed her advice, things are just a little bit better in Bluffington, Mr. Bluff volunteered to clean up Lucky Duck Lake. And Patti and I danced on the dock under the moon for quite some time. I wouldn’t have minded if it had gone on forever.
(camera zooms out from the dock over the water and after Doug says his line, bubbles from the 
lake come up and pop on the surface and we hear a “glorb” sound. Fades to black)
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