Philly Fart Pants

This is a Class of 3000 Radio Show episode from Season 2; in it, Philly tells the story of how he quit being a glutton and became a "gas-o-maniac" (someone who farts lots and lots of times all the time and everywhere to make others laugh.)
== The Beginning ==
Yo, this is Philly Phil, but you can call me Philly...Philly Fart Pants! It all started when I was rapping on the schoolyard while borrowing my friend Eddie's jump rope; I went, "I'm gonna pass the rapping class; I'll bust and kick rhymes to save my time and my gas!" At the end, I farted as loudly as I possibly could, just like my PhillyWhoopi 4000-it's my electronic whoopie cushion and my favourite thing in the world! Kam cackled and slapped his thigh, Kim giggled and rolled on the freshly-mown grass, Madison guffawed with tears rolling down her eyes, Tamika tittered with her broadest grin and Eddie snickered with his hugest smile, but because he doesn't like farts, Li'l D covered his face disgustedly; Sunny and Luna, who also dislike flatulence, covered their faces in disgust, too. I apologized to my teacher, my principal and even to Li'l D; they forgave me and I called myself "Philly Farty Pants," which is also what Madison, Eddie, Kim, Kam and Tamika call me when we're not on stage and just hanging out with each other. However, my principal and my teacher, who dislike my farts as much as Li'l D, just call me Philly Phil; they also call me Phil and Philly. I told Eddie, Madison, Kim, Kam and even Tamika to call me "Philly Fart Pants" at recess time, when school's out and even at home time.
== The Middle ==
I told my flatulence-loving classmates that I'm a gas-o-maniac: somebody who farts tons and tons of times all the time and everywhere to make others laugh. "I love to fart, Madi!" I exclaimed excitedly, jumping up and down and waving my arms. Madi replied, "Me, too, Philly! Farts are the wackiest things ever!" I also spread my love of farting to Kim, Kam, Eddie and Tamika, who also loved to be flatulent; meanwhile, back on the schoolyard, I promised to Li'l D, Sunny and Luna that I'd always fart in the outdoors, underwater and in my house, but not in my homeroom or any other public indoor place. Since my teacher, my principal and Li'l D really don't like farting, I staged a super-secret fart battle between me and Madi; whoever could outfart the other one would be the winner. My fart-loving friends, Tamika, Eddie, Kim and kam were the audience and I started out with a wet rear-end rumbler; Madi let one rip in return with a cabbage salad power poot. The audience laughed, Madi won and there was a rematch; Madi squeaked out a balloon squealer and I squeezed out a butt balloon releaser. As the winner, I did a tiebreaker: whoever's taller will fart to tickle the other fart battler's funny bone; we lined up back-to-back, I did a pizza-slicer toot and Madi cackled at the noise I made with my butt. Since I won 2/3 rounds, I congratulated Madi with our special victory signal, which was raising our hands, because we always know and remember that effort is more important than winning!
== The End ==
At the springtime talent show, I decided to quit gluttony and become someone totally new: Phil the Farter! Madi raised my ankles to stretch my sore sprains and courtesy of my PhillyWhoopi 4000, held by Kim backstage, I let things go and she excused me for belching from my butt; afterwards, I pretended that all my fingers-even both of my thumbs-were sore, so Madi pulled all of them as Kam hit the button on my PhillyWhoopi 4000 backstage, resulting in ten toots total. After 10 pretend poots, I thanked her for pulling out every painful throb and she replied, "Anytime! You're welcome!" Due to my overwhelming success as a gas-o-maniac, from the schoolyard to the auditorium, I got famous enough to be on TV and I'm still entertaining with both real and pretend poots today as Phil the Farter onstage and Philly Fart Pants offstage!