Headhunters 5: Era of Ends

==Introduction==
By decree of Glorio the Glorious, Tearer of ACLs, Hamperer of Hamstrings, Conquerer of Concussions, Crusher of Collarbones, and Hunter of Heads, you 18 mere mortals are hereby sentenced to death by a thousand start/sit decisions. Look on his works, ye mighty, and despair: 
This year, many will enter and only one will survive. Whoever makes it to the very end will be spared by the just and noble Glorio, the Fantasy Gawd, and sent forth into the world to spread the message of his mercy. 
In 2023, we have the most sorry lot of criminals Glorio's eyes have ever seen. Before we meet them, let's look back at the past four seasons of Headhunters history. 
== Headhunters of Yore ==
There have been four seasons and four different champions in Headhunters, one of the toughest competitions you will ever encounter in the fantasy world.
=== Headhunters: Season 1 ===
* Criminals: 17
* Theme: None
* Champion: Al Snow's Fav Squad
* The Winning Strategy: Blitz had a strong draft and managed to hold on to his money until the bitter end. By the time it got down to the Big Three, Blitz had $53 vs. just $1 combined for the other two teams. He had enough to pick his perfect lineup.
=== Headhunters: 2 Fast 2 Furious ===
* Criminals: 19
* Theme: Double Eliminations. Three weeks of double eliminations and a single week of non-eliminations, brought to you by the Wheel of Fate.
* Champion: Monty's Python (Formerly Mixon Beer with Liquor) 
* The Winning Strategy: Whatever Al Snoq did, do the opposite. Monty came into championship week with just two dollars to his name, having spent big early and rostering a strong team that kept him towards the top for the entire year. Even though he didn't have waiver priority over his opponent, Last Coach Standing (What Hurts Moore), he had the foundation to withstand the onslaught.
=== Headhunters 3: Edge of Extinction ===
* Criminals: 20
* Theme: Adapt or Die. The bottom two teams were allowed to team up and merge rosters, creating a dynamic in which certain managers purposefully tanked to combine strong rosters. The Wheel of Fate also returned. Commish got in a fight.
* Champion: Obi-Wan Mahomie (The Executioner)
* The Winning Strategy: Forget trying to win. Executioner was focused on one thing and that was survival. He lurked in the middle of the pack, building his roster slowly by bringing in cheaper guys that kept him afloat vs. swinging for the fences with huge names. By the time he was the last team standing, nobody knew what hit them.
=== Headhunters 4: Superflex SZN ===
* Criminals: 16
* Theme: Rise of the Superflex. Adding the superflex spot made the competition for QBs more intense than ever. In addition, the Wheel of Fate granted one team immunity between weeks 3-8 and the lowest scoring team in week 10 survived but got docked 10% of their remaining FAAB.
* Champion: Hasta Laviska Baby
* The Winning Strategy: As the great Paul Rudd once said: do less. Hasta Laviska won both Headhunters and the League of Champions by doing virtually nothing. He finished the season with $34 left in his bank and made just 21 roster moves the entire year. For context, the team that finished in 11th place had 23 roster moves. 
== Headhunters 5: Age of Ends ==
* Criminals: 18. Headhunters has never had the same number of teams in a season and that trend continues here. With 18 teams, we are back to single-elimination every week. No non-elim. No double-elim. No Wheel of Fate. 
* Theme: Tight End Premium. With 18 teams, not everyone can have two QBs in the early weeks. But that's fine, because those teams had the option to stock up on tight ends. This season, tight end receptions are worth 2 points instead of the usual 1 for all other positions. This is a manually adjusted stat so your tight end points will adjust by the end of each day in which a game is played (late Sunday night/Monday morning for all Sunday action). Be patient with Commish, he is just one man. 
* The Bounty
** 1st: $300 and an Immunity Idol for 2024
** 2nd: $75
** 3rd: $22 (money back)
=== The Immunity Idol ===
As winner of the 2022 Headhunters championship, Hasta Laviska has an immunity idol for 2023. Here are the rules:
* Use: One Time Only
* Expiration Date: The immunity idol must be played by the end of week 12 or it becomes as useful to own as Trey Sermon.
* Playing the Idol: Must be played before the 4:25pm Eastern Sunday kickoff on any given week.
* When Played: If team finishes in an elimination position, next worst team gets eliminated instead. If that week is non-elimination, the idol is still neutralized.
* Trading/Auctioning: At any time, idol may be auctioned for FAAB money. You may also sell the idol or include idol in trades. All transactions of this nature must be made public and run through the Commish.
== 2023 Cast of Criminals ==
Let's meet the teams facing off in 2023 (sorted by draft order): 
=== Mike "Cruise Wolf" Wolfe (Obi-Wan Mahomie) ===
* Fandom: Patriots
* Fun Fact: 
The Cruise Wolf is back and on the prowl for his second trophy after a disappointing 2022 campaign. Cruise Wolf actually went to storm the capitol on January 6th but when he got there he realized they weren't protesting the Yahoo Fantasy Football app so he left. 
=== Extra Tight Ends ===
* Fandom: Patriots
After a 5th placer in 2019, Keeling has failed to crack the top-10. It took every ounce of Keeling's being not to take George Pickens in the first round, and seeing him go to the villainous KVR had to hurt. We'll see if he can recover. 
=== Patrick "Ol' 50/50" McaTEERT (The Guilloteam) ===
* Fandom: Falcons
The man is convinced the Falcons are "sneaky good" and a person with that much confidence is a dangerous thing in a league like this. 50/50 is known for giant bids early and mid-season fizzle-outs as his bank account bleeds out. 
=== Matt "Coach Knows" Tebo (What Hurts Moore) ===
* Fandom: Packers
Coach knows early defeat and late defeat, finishing 2nd in his first season and 16th in his most recent. What Hurts Moore? Probably 2nd, right? You came so far. What Hurts the Most? Having to watch Rodgers in a Jets uniform. 
=== Zach "Ireland" Haskins (Al Snows Fav Squad) ===
* Fandom: Patriots
Zach is trying to get some good juju (so not Smith-Schuster) on his side by switching back to his old team name. the one that won him it all back in the day. He is also starting the season in Ireland, which doesn't bode well for him since historically managers that play overseas get the ax (Commish in 2022, Jared that random year he was in London for like six months). 
=== Commish (Henry VIII) ===
* Fandom: Patriots
After years of soaking in the undistilled juices of his own failures, Commish hopes to channel the powers of his fantasy overlord, Glorio, and survive long enough to be proud of himself for once in his life. 
=== Roger "Who?" Bacon (Muller Lite) ===
* Fandom: Jets
The man with the accent mark over the U that I'm too lazy to add in the writeups, Roger now has a full season under his belt after taking over a roster mid-stream during Edge of Extinction. To this day I still field many questions about Roger, like: Who is Roger? Who is he? Roger is..who? Maybe those questions will be answered this season. Stay tuned.
=== Scotty "@FFDraftScott" Bourret (Never Done This Before) ===
* Fandom: Eagles
Don't let the name fool you: Scott has, in fact, done this before. The artist formerly known as "The Titanic" has sunken more than he has swam and finished worse each of the last three seasons, but if his destiny is anything like the Eagles he is bound for greatness in 2023 (except for week one when he somehow loses to the Patriots, weird). 
=== KVR (Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack) ===
* Fandom: Jets
The league's villain on par with Thanos minus all the success. 
=== Jethro "G" Glaudin (Jethro's Glorious Team) ===
* Fandom: Rams
A team that is so good he doesn't even need his own team name. The roster speaks for itself. So far, it is saying "Skyy Moore sucks" but anything can happen. After a brief one-season hiatus, G returns hoping to spark his greatest season yet. 
=== Derek "Derek" Derek (Monty's Python) ===
* Fandom: Patriots
The mysterious Derek, now with three children in tow, has a new erotic team name and is ready to get back to the mountaintop.
=== Bob "Bobecue" Klein (Bobecue Chicken) ===
* Fandom: Giants
Bob was eliminated early last season and has had a whole year to think about what he's done. And with a full year to think about it, he jumped back into a superflex TE premium league and took...Cooper Kupp. 
=== Papa (Out of Luck) ===
* Fandom: Patriots
I think we can all agree Papa has not run out of luck yet, finishing top-five each of the last three seasons despite never being at the draft. This year he actually stayed up, which could mean trouble. 
=== Jared "The Fictitious King" Allen (Hasta Laviska Baby) ===
* Fandom: Patriots
Controversy surrounds his 2022 championship, as many players didn't play for Nate. Some are saying he has to win it again this year to prove he deserved it last season. I'm not saying that, but many others are. Many others. 
=== Andrew (Headless Horseman) ===
* Fandom: Raiders
Andrew, AKA "A friend of Scotty," joins the league for the first time in 2023. He is such a big Raiders fan that he named his dog Raider and he has two kids, both named Raider. Okay, I made the kid part up. A Yale man who isn't smart enough to stay away from Fantasy, Andrew is the year's biggest mystery. Will he be good? Or will he be like me? 
=== Joe "Cola" Colavincenzo (Jeff Probst' Tribe) ===
* Fandom: Packers
One of two new teams in season 5, Joe Cola is hoping to snuff some torches in his inaugural season. An Ohio native who wouldn't sink so low as to root for a professional Ohio team, Cola brings his Packers/Nuggets fandom to Headhunters along with a long history of fantasy experience. 
=== Nate "TBD Nickname" Follett (Tee Diggs my Chubb for Sure-Oh) ===
* Fandom: Football but it's Questionable
A Bailey Zappe truther, Nate has had so many disappointments that he's numb, like when you lean on your arm too long and it falls asleep. It may be too late to thaw out Nate's cold heart, but there is certainly still time for yet another hearbreaking elimination in 2023. 
=== Chris "Chunk" Pfeiler (deCaPitated) ===
* Fandom: Patriots
He may not be a champion, but he is the league's best scoring team of all time and he chose to pick last for the second year in a row. We'll see if that strategy can pay off again. 
==Weeks Survived (2019 v 2020 v 2021 v 2022)==
Weeks Survived (2019 v 2020 v 2021 v 2022)
Team 	2022 Finish	2021 Finish	2020 Finish	2019 Finish
What Hurts Moore? 	16th (-6) 	11th (-9) 	2nd 	N/A
Bobecue Chicken 	15th (-12) 	3rd (+14) 	17th (-10) 	7th
Al Snows Fav Squad 	14th (+2) 	19th (-6) 	3rd (-2) 	1st
Obi-Wan Mahomie 	13th (-12) 	1st (+13) 	14th (-10) 	4th
Extra Tight Ends 	12th (-2) 	10th (+6) 	16th (-11) 	5th
The Guilloteam 	11th (+2) 	13th (-6) 	7th (-4) 	3rd
Muller Lite 	10th (-8) 	2nd 	N/A 	N/A
Henry VIII 	9th (+3) 	12th (-1) 	11th (-1) 	10th
Never Done This Before 	8th (-3) 	5th (-1) 	4th (+11) 	15th
Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack 	7th (-1) 	6th (+14) 	18th (-9) 	9th
burrow for sure-oh 	6th (+1) 	7th (+1) 	8th 	N/A
Monty's Python 	5th (+10) 	15th (-14) 	1st (+16) 	17th
Out of Luck 	4th (+-0) 	4th (+1) 	5th (+9) 	14th
deCaPitated 	3rd (+11) 	14th (-8) 	6th (-4) 	2nd
Tee Diggs my Chubb for sure-oh	2nd (+6) 	9th (+6) 	15th (-9) 	6th
==Dead Money==
This section keeps track of all the cash that never gets spent by teams that are eliminated. As of now everybody is still alive, with all the world ahead of us. 
Dead Money 2022
Dead Money	% of Total Eliminated Cash
$0 	0%
==New Releases==
Since we have no "new releases" this week, here are the top players on the waiver wire at each position.
# Jamal Agnew (WR)
#Kene Nwangwu (RB)
#Darnell Washington (TE)
#Clayton Tune (QB)
#NO DEFENSES AVAILABLE
==2022 Money Spent Per Week==
 Money Spent Per Week
Week	Budget Spent 	Budget Spent (2021)	Budget Spent (2020)	Budget Spent (2019)
2 	$1560 (15 Players) 	$9 (2 Players) 	$1,173 (12 Players)	$1,339 (7 Players)
3 	$1,160 (10 Players)	$1,283 (10 Players)	$1,033 (7 Players) 	$1,902 (15 Players)
4 	$1,475 (10 Players)	$657 (8 Players) 	$1,182 (11 Players)	$1,614 (11 Players)
5 	$1,740 (13 Players)	$1,376 (11 Players)	$181 (4 Players) 	$1,743 (14 Players)
6 	$1,355 (14 Players)	$1,231 (10 Players)	$1,542 (10 Players)	$1,1018 (11 Players)
7 	$45 (6 Players) 	$965 (10 Players) 	$1,494 (13 Players)	$1,036 (9 Players)
8 	$1,085 (13 Players)	$2,159 (15 Players)	$1,938 (17 Players)	$630 (7 Players)
9 	$552 (9 Players) 	$1,059 (12 Players)	$1,454 (12 Players)	$624 (6 Players)
10 	$424 (14 Players) 	$1,393 (9 Players) 	$712 (6 Players) 	$386 (8 Players)
11 	$48 (2 Players) 	$1,121 (16 Players)	$777 (8 Players) 	$176 (6 Players)
12 	$273 (7 Players) 	$643 (7 players) 	$385 (5 Players) 	$93 (6 Players)
13 	$234 (8 Players) 	$364 (10 Players) 	$277 (6 Players) 	$13 (3 Players)
14 	$56 (3 Players) 	$90 (10 Players) 	$2 (2 Players) 	$36 (5 Players)
15 	$78 (4 Players) 	$15 (3 Players) 	$1 (1 Player) 	$15 (6 Players)
16 	$91 (2 Players) 	$20 (5 Players) 	$2 (2 players) 	$4 (2 Players)
17 	$144 (4 Players) 	$3 (3 Players) 	N/A 	N/A
Thanks to Nate having so much money left over to end the season, Jared was able to go gangbusters for the last week of shopping. 
==Week Seventeen Results==
Week Seventeen Results
Finish (Last Week)	Player 	Total Points
1 (2) 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	186.20
2 (1) 	Tee Diggs My Chubb 	117.63
3 	deCaPitated 	0
4 	Out of Luck 	0
5 	Wildcat (no QBs no problem) 	0
6 	burrow for sure-oh 	0
7 	Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack	0
8 	Laser Rocket Arms 	0
9 	Henry VIII 	0
10 	Muller Lite 	0
11 	The Guilloteam 	0
12 	Mixon It Up With Mahomie 	0
13 	The Executioner 	0
14 	It's Blitz! Track 2 	0
15 	Bobecue Chicken 	0
16 	CoachKnows 	0
 
==2022 Draft Dodgers==
Team Results Based on Draft Position
Draft Pick (Last Year)	Team 	Week Eliminated
1 (1) 	Tee Diggs my Chubb 	17
2 (12) 	Never Done This Before 	11
3 (8) 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	CHAMPION
4 (10) 	Out of Luck 	15
5 (16) 	Al Snows Fav Squad 	3
6 (7) 	Henry VIII 	9
7 (3) 	Extra Right Ends 	5
8 (19) 	Monty's Python 	14
9 (2) 	Obi-Wan Mahomie 	4
10 (17) 	The Guilloteam 	7
11 (11) 	Burrow for Sure-Oh 	13
12 (14) 	What Hurts Moore? 	1
13 (4) 	Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack	12
14 (15) 	Bobecue Chicken 	2
15 (16) 	Muller Lite 	8
16 (20) 	DeCaPitated 	16
 
==2022 Average Scores of Eliminated Teams==
Average Scores of Eliminated Teams
Team 	Average Score	Weeks Played
Tee Diggs My Chubb 	210.69 	17
deCaPitated 	210.24 	16
Henry VIII 	206.91 	9
Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack	203.25 	12
burrow for sure-oh 	201.12 	13
Monty's Python 	191.08 	14
Out of Luck 	188.89 	15
The Guilloteam 	185.74 	7
Never Done This Before 	184.99 	11
Obi-Wan Mahomie 	177.11 	4
Muller Lite 	169.00 	8
Al Snow's Fav Squad 	163.14 	3
Bobecue Chicken 	162.14 	2
Extra Tight Ends 	161.26 	5
What Hurts Moore? 	123.21 	1
==2022 Narrow Defeats==
Margin of Defeat for Last Place Teams:
Margin of Defeat for Eliminated Teams
Team 	Margin of Defeat	Week Eliminated
What Hurts Moore? 	2.49 	1
Al Snows Fav Squad 	2.90 	3
Out of Luck 	3 	15
Bobecue Chicken 	5.91 	2
Monty's Python 	10.87 	14
Obi-Wan Mahomie 	11.98 	4
The Guilloteam 	12.11 	7
Muller Lite 	13.98 	5
Extra Tight Ends 	17.88 	5
deCaPitated 	18.32 	16
Henry VIII 	19.02 	9
Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack	28.49 	12
Never Done This Before 	35.66 	11
burrow for sure-oh 	46.08 	13
Tee Diggs My Chubb 	68.57 	17
 
==Rulers of the Kingdom==
2022 first place finishers:
Top Scorers by Week
Week	Team 	Score
1 	Out of Luck 	235.77
2 	Henry VIII 	291.46
3 	The Guilloteam 	252.22
4 	deCaPitated 	262.90
5 	burrow for sure-oh 	236.67
6 	Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack 	263.94
7 	Tee Diggs my Chubb 	257.43
8 	Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack (2)	305.26
9 	Tee Diggs my Chubb (2) 	269.56
10 	Monty's Python 	249.25
11 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	237.21
12 	Hasta Laviska Baby (2) 	272.11
13 	Hasta Laviska Baby (3) 	260.55
14 	deCaPitated (2) 	241.39
15 	Hasta Laviska Baby (4) 	302.62
16 	Tee Diggs my Chubb (3) 	241.92
17 	Hasta Laviska Baby (5) 	186.20
 
==Dungeon Dwellers==
2022 teams that finished second-to-last, narrowly avoiding elimination:
Low Scorers by Week
Week	Team 	Score
1 	Monty's Python 	125.70
2 	Al Snows Fav Squad 	122.26
3 	Out of Luck 	151.03
4 	Muller Lite 	139.26
5 	Out of Luck (2) 	161.14
6 	deCaPitated 	148.97
7 	Muller Lite (2) 	154.95
8 	Tee Diggs my Chubb 	187.43
9 	Monty's Python (2) 	154.76
10 	burrow for sure-oh 	168.14
11 	Out of Luck (3) 	189.08
12 	Out of Luck (4) 	210.63
13 	Tee Diggs my Chubb (2)	204.48
14 	Out of Luck (5) 	200.99
15 	Tee Diggs my Chubb (3)	203.38
16 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	241.47
==Single Season Scoring Records==
 
All-Time Single Season HH Point Records
Score 	Player 	Year
3,697.30	Hasta Laviska Baby 	2022
3,581.72	Beach McBungalow (Tee Diggs my Chubb)	2022
3428.76 	CP 	2019
3402.18 	It's Blitz! Track 2 	2019
3363.88 	CP (deCaPitated) 	2022
3121.28 	Return of the Mac 	2021
3049.02 	Bobecue Chicken 	2021
3015.53 	Mixon Beer 	2020
3013.13 	Müller Lite 	2021
2997.67 	The Guilloteam 	2019
2980.07 	Last Coach Standing 	2020
2833.37 	Out of Luck 	2022
2743.25 	@FFDraftScott 	2020
2733.07 	It's Blitz! Track 2 	2020
2709.59 	Mac 	2019
2677.20 	Out of Luck 	2021
2675.14 	Wildcat (no QBs no problem) 	2022
2620.18 	The Titanic 	2021
2614.60 	burrow for sure-oh 	2022
2438.96 	Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack 	2022
2422.98 	I Can Dere-lick My Own Balls 	2019
2377.31 	The Guilloteam 	2020
2285.51 	CP 	2020
2282.91 	Out of Luck 	2020
2262.36 	Bad Boys 	2021
2233.57 	Soul Survivor (burrow for sure-oh) 	2021
2134.22 	I Can Dere-lick My Own Balls 	2021
2046.35 	LIVEWithIt 	2019
2034.86 	Laser Rocket Arms 	2022
1941.63 	Bobecue Chicken 	2019
1939.02 	Beach McBungalow 	2021
1936.45 	Neck-Fix and Chill 	2021
1862.19 	Henry VIII 	2022
1817.79 	Carole Pigskin 	2020
1749.51 	The Guilloteam 	2021
1736.99 	Neck-Fix and Chill 	2019
1611.76 	Ya Hate 2 See It 	2020
1512.91 	Neck-Fix and Chill 	2020
1509.41 	CP 	2021
1483.70 	Last Coach Standing 	2021
1473.18 	Henry VIII 	2021
1439.40 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	2020
1357.00 	Henry VIII 	2019
1351.99 	Muller Lite 	2022
1300.35 	The Guilloteam 	2022
1238.56 	Bluedevils 	2019
1182.09 	Mixon Beer with Liquor 	2021
1160.81 	Ya Hate 2 See It 	2021
1132.61 	Henry VIII 	2020
1116.98 	Shotti's Bugatti 	2020
1055.63 	Mac 	2020
1049.89 	LIVEWithIt 	2020
991.57 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	2021
975.59 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	2019
806.27 	Mixon It Up With Mahomie 	2022
768.10 	Shotti's Bugatti 	2021
717.82 	Out of Luck 	2019
713.12 	I Can Dere-lick My Own Balls 	2020
708.44 	The Executioner 	2022
544.55 	It's Blitz! Track 2 	2021
489.42 	It's Blitz! Track 2 	2022
481.22 	@FFDraftScott 	2019
459.96 	Bobecue Chicken 	2020
324.28 	Bobecue Chicken 	2022
294.62 	Steve Blackman's Nun 	2021
286.36 	Ya Hate 2 See It 	2019
262.69 	Bad Boys 	2020
123.21 	CoachKnows 	2022
115.16 	Mixon Beer 	2019
96.56 	Steve Blackman's Nun 	2020
==All-Time Combined Points Scored==
Jared more than doubles his total score of the first three seasons with his historic fourth season performance. 
All-Time Combined Points Records
Score 	Player 	Years Played
10,587.56	deCaPitated 	4
8626.98 	Tee Diggs my Chubb 	4
8511.30 	Out of Luck 	4
8424.84 	The Guilloteam 	4
7879.51 	Never Done This Before	4
7594.94 	Obi-Wan Mahomie 	4
7169.22 	It's Blitz! Track 2 	4
7103.86 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	4
6987.92 	Monty's Python 	4
6665.96 	burrow for sure-oh 	3
6439.42 	Bad Boys 	4
6076.59 	Extra Tight Ends 	4
5824.98 	Henry VIII 	4
5774.89 	Bobecue Chicken 	4
5186.35 	Neck-Fix and Chill 	3
4586.98 	What Hurts Moore? 	3
4365.12 	Müller Lite 	2
3058.93 	Ya Hate 2 See It 	3
1885.08 	Shotti's Bugatti 	2
1238.56 	Bluedevils 	1
698.91 	Phillip's Team 	1
391.19 	Steve Blackman's Nun 	2
==Conclusion==
That's all I got for now. Better late than never! Enjoy and happy hunting!