Headhunters: The Hateful Eight

== Introduction and a Special Announcement ==
YUGE announcement this week as I write to you from beyond the grave.
As you all know, this has been a test season to see if we all enjoy the Headhunters format. I think the general consensus is that this has been a major success on all fronts. I'd like to work out a better way to see the live scoring, but otherwise pretty good.
Since this is a test season we didn't put any money down, but we are still playing for something and I'd like to reveal that something to you now.
BEHOLD:
The winner of 2019 Headhunters will receive an immunity idol that can be used once during the 2020 Headhunters season. Here are the rules of the idol:
# It can be played once between week 1 and week 12, which means if you haven't used it during the first 11 weeks you can play it week 12 for an automatic bid into the top 5. After that, the idol loses its power forever.
# The idol can be played any time between Tuesday and the 4:25pm kickoffs on Sunday. Just like in "Survivor," you won't be able to play the idol after all results are revealed. You might play it, only to find that you weren't going to be eliminated anyway. Or you may hesitate to play it, only to find that you get eliminated and take the idol to the grave. With great power comes great fantasy football decisions.
# If you play the idol and finish last, you are saved and the second worst team that week will get eliminated.
# At any time, you may auction off the idol to the remaining teams for FAAB money. You may also sell the idol or include the idol in any trades.
# Unlike with picks, FAAB money, and players, you may donate the idol to save another team any time before the 425 Sunday cut-off for that given week. Collude if you dare.
# The idol may be cashed in at any time for bonus cash with the league office. However, the idol loses value every week you hold on to it. Before week one, it will be worth $120 in FAAB money. Every week it will lose $10 in value. Cash it in early for maximum value, or hold it at your own risk.
We still have seven weeks remaining in the 2019 season, but the competition for the 2020 Headhunters trophy has already begun.
== In Memorium: Bad Boys ==
It has been a season of narrow escapes for Bad Boys, but in the end Big Ben tolled midnight on this Cinderella season. It was his trade of Julio Jones for Dede Westbrook, John Brown, and Phil Lindsay that did him in. If he had just started Damien Williams and the Detroit guys he dropped for Brown and Phil, he'd still be alive. SAD!  
The 930am London game is said to have pretzeled Bad Boy's brain, as he was moving apartments over the weekend and couldn't keep his time zones straight. Not sure why he didn't already have his lineup set, since any red blooded fantasy guy knows you should tweak your lineup throughout the week and then double-check by Saturday night before bed to set up optimal scoring in case of a situation where you are being held hostage at kickoff and can't get to your Yahoo app. 
It's good news for the rest of the league that Bad Boys is gone. They may have sucked dick all season, but I really think they were starting to put it all together. They had Kamara coming back, along with Josh Gordon debuting for the Seahawks and AJ Green getting healthy. Diggs was heating up. I don't know how far they could have gone with so little cash but I do believe that if they hadn't been out this week they could have gone a little deeper.  
I'm rushing the writeup this week so I don't really have anything else witty or funny to say, except that it's hilarious that he was beat out by less than a point by his arch rival: Bobecue Chicken. For those not in the loop, these two did the passive aggressive trade thing with each other earlier this season. You know, when a guy sends a genuine trade offer and you are so insulted by it that you send one back that's like his three best players and a 1st round pick for Darrell Henderson and a bag of twizzlers. 
Bobecue lives to passive aggressively trade another day. And Bad Boys walks off into the sunset in the Eastern Time Zone. He died like a dog. A beautiful dog. 
Bad Boys:
== New Releases ==
#Alvin Kamara
#Deshaun Watson
#Stefon Diggs
#Robert Woods
#Philip Lindsay
#BONUS: Josh Gordon making his debut for the Seattle Seahawks
== Week Nine Bidding Results ==
Week Nine Bidding Results
Player 	Winning Team 	Winning Bid	Next Highest Bid
Dalvin Cook 	The Guilloteam 	$385 	$169 (Al Snow)
George Kittle 	Bobecue Chicken 	$116 	$113 (Cam Shaft)
Michael Gallup	Al Snow's Fav Squad	$69 	$5 (Chris P)
Melvin Gordon 	Ron Saquonson 	$28 	$1 (KareemHunter)
TY Hilton 	Chris P's Neat Team	$25 	$1 (KareemHunter)
DJ Moore 	DogTheKareemHunter 	$1 	None
Bid Bullets: 
*Forget drinking and driving, they need to outlaw working at a Halloween store and bidding on fantasy players. This is the most ridiculous, ill-advised move by Guilloteam so far in this entire season by anyone. Only two teams had over $113 left, and both have histories of being conservative with their bids. The notion that Guilloteam felt to get Dalvin Cook they needed to exhaust their entire bank account is so preposterous and illogical that I have no choice but to chalk it up to pumpkin brain and declare that next season he should refrain from placing any bids the week of Halloween.  
*Al Snow doesn't utilize the writeup properly or he would have seen that Gallup went for $28 in week eight. No need to bid his trademark 69. A casual 6.9 would have done it.  
*I wonder if now that teams have very little money left they think that unless they are bidding huge on players than they aren't going to bother at all. Or maybe their teams are already THAT good. I just can't comprehend why Ron Saquonson was able to get Sanu for free, and DJ Moore for $1. 
*The curse of the Chris P continues as he wins yet another "big" name WR only to have them go down with a month-long injury at practice. Sorry, TY, it wasn't you, it was Chris.
== Your Financial Portfolio ==
 
Team 	Amount Spent	Points Earned	Cost Per Point
Neck-Fix and Chill 	$1,000 	394.39 	$2.54
Bad Boys 	$988 	402.79 	$2.45
#DogtheKareemHunter	$951 	409.02 	$2.33
Ron Saquonson 	$966 	391.95 	$2.46
Chris P's Neat Team	$962 	232.21 	$4.14
Cam Shaft 	$887 	471.56 	$1.88
Henry VIII 	$656 	267.43 	$2.45
The Guilloteam 	$1,000 	392.23 	$2.55
Al Snow's Fav Squad	$669 	159.06 	$4.21
Bobecue Chicken 	$594 	216.06 	$2.75
Out of Luck 	$414 	21 	$19.71
Wrath of Saquon 	$340 	56.16 	$6.05
Bluedevils 	$300 	86.79 	$3.45
FFDraftScott 	$179 	38.15 	$4.69
*Best Investor: Cam Shaft
*Worst Investor: Chris P's Neat Team
== Week Nine Results ==
Week Nine Results
Finish (Last Week)	Player 	Total Points
1 (3) 	The Guilloteam 	258.16
2 (1) 	Ron Saquonson 	253.58
3 (7) 	Neck-Fix and Chill 	225.58
4 (6) 	#DogTheKareemHunter	193.69
5 (4) 	Cam Shaft 	186.28
6 (8) 	Al Snow's Fav Squad	183.02
7 (2) 	Chris P's Neat Team	181.60
8 (5) 	Bobecue Chicken 	142.03
9 (9) 	Bad Boys 	141.20
10 	Henry VIII 	0
11 	Bluedevils 	0
12 	Wrath of Saquon 	0
13 	Philip's Team 	0
14 	Out of Luck 	0
15 	@FFDraftScott 	0
16 	Ya Hate 2 See It 	0
17 	Moore $ Mo Problems	0
* Biggest Climber: Neck-Fix (Up 4 spots)
* Biggest Faller: Chris P (Down 5 spots)
== Narrow Defeats ==
Margin of Defeat for Last Place Teams:
Margin of Defeat for Eliminated Teams
Team 	Margin of Defeat	Week Eliminated
Out of Luck 	0.32 	4
Bad Boys 	0.83 	9
Moore $ Mo Problems	1.87 	1
You Hate 2 See It 	7.96 	2
FFDraftScott 	8.80 	3
Henry VIII 	14.47 	8
Wrath of Saquon 	18.41 	6
Bluedevils 	30.82 	7
Philip's Team 	60.50 	5
== Kings of the Castle ==
Top Scorers by Week
Week	Team 	Score
1 	Chris P's Neat Team 	278.64
2 	The Guilloteam 	220.94
3 	Al Snow's Fav Squad 	241.99
4 	Wrath of Saquon 	206.22
5 	Neck-Fix and Chill 	247.22
6 	Cam Shaft 	226.91
7 	Al Snow's Fav Squad (2)	242.52
8 	Ron Saquonson 	257.32
9 	The Guilloteam (2) 	258.16
== Dungeon Dwellers ==
Top Scorers by Week
Week	Team 	Score
1 	Philip's Team 	117.03
2 	Bad Boys 	118.29
3 	DogTheKareemHunter 	140.03
4 	Bad Boys (2) 	120.83
5 	Bobecue Chicken 	156.93
6 	DogTheKareemHunter (2)	137.69
7 	The Guilloteam 	135.12
8 	Bad Boys (3) 	164.25
9 	Bobecue Chicken (2) 	142.03
== Draft Dodgers ==
Team Results Based on Draft Position 
Draft Pick	Team 	Week Eliminated
1 	Wrath of Saquon 	6
2 	Bad Boys 	9
3 	Al Snow's Fav Squad	ALIVE
4 	Bluedevils 	7
5 	Bobecue Chicken 	ALIVE
6 	Cam Shaft 	ALIVE
7 	Moore $ Mo Problems	1
8 	The Guilloteam 	ALIVE
9 	Philip's Team 	5
10 	Chris P's Neat Team	ALIVE
11 	Henry VIII 	8
12 	Ya Hate 2 See It 	2
13 	FFDraftScott 	3
14 	Neck-Fix and Chill 	ALIVE
15 	Out of Luck 	4
16 	DogTheKareemHunter 	ALIVE
17 	Ron Saquonson 	ALIVE
== Power Rankings ==
=== 1(1). Al Snow's Fav Squad ===
Back-to-back mediocre performances from the favorite fav squad, but getting Julio Jones and Patrick Mahomes back, plus they still have a ton of money left over. They can outbid anyone but Bobecue Chicken for anybody they want.
=== 2(3). Cam Shaft ===
After a heavy barrage of bidding early, Cam Shaft has settled in and glided under the radar. They are probably the least talked about team remaining, but they've survived long enough to be back in the top-three in FAAB.
=== 3(4). Ron Saquonson ===
One of the highest projected points remaining and has worked their way past Al Snow on the season rankings with an average of 197.33 points per game. Kareem Hunt is now off of his suspension. Biggest hurdle for this team seems to be week 12, when Hill, Gordon III, and Kelce are all on the bye. No team dead or alive has made more roster moves (36).
=== 4(2). Chris P's Neat Team ===
They have the big names at WR but there are still some imperfections in the flex positions and injury concerns for James Conner. 
=== 5(4). The Guilloteam ===
Mr. Inconsistency is now in 2nd place on the season rankings, but blew their load on Dalvin Cook (who has yet to have his bye), which makes this team likely in its final stages of construction.
=== 6(7). Neck-Fix and Chill ===
Neck-Fix is cruising and has taken advantage of the free market to do some bargain bin shopping for much needed substitutes. I shed a single man tear when I saw Jason Witten get dropped.
=== 7(8). Dog The Kareem Hunter ===
Saving grace for Dog this week might be that their entire team is healthy and off the bye.
=== 8(6). Bobecue Chicken ===
They need to start bidding on actually good players. They have the money, but for some reason they still think they need to fuck around with Ronald Jones. What do I know, though, I have been dead two weeks.
=== ===
== Average Scores of Eliminated Teams ==
Week Three Results
Team 	Average Score	Weeks Survived
Out of Luck 	179.46 	3
Bluedevils 	176.93 	6
Henry VIII 	169.62 	7
Bad Boys 	163.94 	8
Wrath of Saquon 	162.60 	5
FFDraftScott 	160.38 	2
Ya Hate 2 See It 	143.18 	1
Philip's Team 	139.78 	4
Moore $ Mo Problems	115.16 	0
== Remaining Budget ==
Remaining Budget as of 11/5/2019
Player 	Total Budget
Bobecue Chicken 	406
Al Snow's Fav Squad	331
Cam Shaft 	113
DogTheKareemHunter 	49
Chris P's Neat Team	38
Ron Saquonson 	34
The Guilloteam 	0
Neck-Fix and Chill 	0
Bad Boys 	0
Henry VIII 	0
Bluedevils 	0
Wrath of Saquon 	0
Philip's Team 	0
Out of Luck 	0
@FFDraftScott 	0
Moore $ Mo Problems	0
Ya Hate 2 See It 	0
==Bye Weeks==
SIX TEAMS? Why not just have four teams on the bye each week and just have eight even bye weeks? I don't get it.
*Denver Broncos
*Houston Texans
*Jax Jaguars
*New England Patriots
*Philly Eagles
*Washington Redskins
Sorry for the sub-par writeup this week, starting to get super busy at work so I'm not able to fuck around and do this stuff on the company dime anymore. Happy bidding!