Gee, Officer Krupke

Gee, Officer Krupke is a song featured in Sondheim. It was sung by the NYADA Boys and Hunter, with solos from Hunter, Dayton, Seth, Max, Luke, and Talen. It was sung as an assignment for their Stephen Sondheim tribute week at NYADA, where they enlisted in the help of Hunter to choreograph them a number. After this, Hunter was approached about auditioning for NYADA.
==Lyrics==
[Hunter, spoken]:
Hey, garbage!
[Dayton, spoken]:
Who, me, Officer Krupke? (Boys laugh)
[Hunter, spoken]:
Oh, lookit yiz, ya feckless friggin’ disappointments. 
Now gimme one good reason I shouldn’t throw the book at'cha. 
Dayton:
Dear kindly Sergeant Krupke
You gotta understand
It's just our bringin' upke
That gets us outta hand
Seth:
Our mothers all are junkies
Max:
Our fathers all are drunks
Talen:
Golly Moses
Naturally we're punks
Dayton:
Gee, Officer Krupke, we're very upset
We never had the love that every child oughta get
We ain't no delinquents, we're misunderstood
Deep down insidе us, there is good
Max:
Therе is good
Dayton, Max, Seth, & Talen:
There is good, there is good
There is untapped good
Like inside, the worst of us is good
[Hunter, spoken]:
Aw, that's a touchin' good story. 
[Dayton, spoken]:
Let me tell it to the world!
[Hunter, spoken]:
Just tell it to the judge!
Dayton:
Dear kindly Judge, your honor
My parents treat me rough
With all their marijuana
They won't give me a puff
They didn't wanna have me
But somehow I was had
Leapin' lizards!
That's why I'm so bad!
Luke:
Right!
Officer Krupke, you're really a square
This boy don't need a judge, he needs an analyst's care
It's just his neurosis that oughta be curbed
He's psychologically disturbed
Dayton:
I'm disturbed!
Dayton, Max, Seth, Hunter:
We're disturbed, we're disturbed
We're the most disturbed
Like we're psychologically disturbed
[Luke, spoken]:
Hear ye hear ye!
In the opinion of this court, the boy’s depraved on account of he ain’t had a normal home. 
[Dayton, spoken]:
Hey, I’m depraved on account of I’m deprived!
[Luke, spoken]:
So take this nut to a headshrinker. 
[Hunter, spoken]:
Ooh, why not?
Dayton:
My father is a bastard
My ma's an S.O.B
My grandpa's always plastered
My grandma pushes tea
My sister wears a mustache
My brother wears a dress
Goodness gracious!
That's why I'm a mess!
Max:
Yes!
Officer Krupke, you're really a slob
This boy don't need a doctor, just a good honest job
Society's played him a terrible trick
And sociologically he's sick
Dayton:
I am sick!
Boys:
We are sick, we are sick
We are sick, sick, sick
Like we're sociologically sick!
[Max, spoken]:
In my professional opinion, what we got here is a run-of-the-mill juvenile delinquent. 
And juvenile delinquency is a social disease. 
[Luke, spoken]:
Ew, Dayton, you got a social disease?
[Max, spoken]:
Bring him to a social worker. 
[Hunter, spoken]:
Wait, can I catch it by touchin' him?
Dayton:
Dear—
Talen:
Kindly social worker
They say go earn a buck
Like be a soda jerker
Which means like be a schmuck!
It's not I'm antisocial
I'm only anti-work
Luke & Max: 
Gloryosky!
Boys:
That's why I'm a jerk!
Seth:
Officer Krupke, you've done it again
This boy don't need a job, he needs a year in the pen
It ain't just a question of misunderstood
Deep down inside him, he's no good
Talen:
I'm no good!
Boys:
We're no good, we're no good
We're no earthly good
Like the best of us is no damn good
Hunter:
The trouble is he's crazy
Luke:
The trouble is he drinks
Max:
The trouble is he's lazy
Seth:
The trouble is he stinks
Talen:
The trouble is he's growing
Dayton:
The trouble is he's grown
Boys, except Hunter:
Krupke, we got troubles of our own!
Gee, Officer Krupke
We're down on our knees
Dayton:
'Cause no one wants a fella with a social disease
Boys, except Hunter:
Gee, Officer Krupke
What are we to do?
Dayton & Talen:
Gee, Officer Krupke
Boys, except Hunter:
Krup you!
==Trivia==