Regrets

The usurper found himself in a dimly lit nursery room. Its walls and environment were far too familiar for his own liking, dark and comforting, accompanied by the pleasant scent of flowers.
There were two cribs, one for himself, one for his brother. Tiny cribs that would end up being a painful memento. Regardless of that, they looked safe, safe and warm.
He looked at the cribs carefully, seeing himself as a small and not tainted creature. He was crying because nobody was holding him, the King and Queen were too busy to notice. Meanwhile, his brother was quiet, of course he was.
His father and mother didn't come to comfort him, but one person did. A woman with long pink hair, the woman with the floral scent, the woman with the soft gaze. She was the Priestess of the court, Philia.
She held the crying usurper in her arms, gently cradling it while singing a lullaby. Her songs were always so gentle, like a windy breeze. He could never forget that, never.
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine..."
Philia held the young usurper close to her. She then gently caressed his small and fragile head, in hopes of soothing him. The innocent child was quietening down, now, he let himself relax in the warmth of her hair and embrace. It reminded him of the warm feeling of energy that created him.
"You make me happy, when skies are gray..."
She smiled. Oh that smile... It was the smile of when somebody is so proud, so proud and happy. A smile that's so soft that it creates pity. The young usurper reached out to play with her face, giggling, he was feeling quite sleepy, now.
"You'll never know dear, how much I love you...
Please don't take... my sunshine away..."
The child had fully calmed down. He is comfortably napping in her arms, he recognized that face as comfort now, as "mother".
The present usurper watched, without saying a single word. He merely reached out, attempting to embrace the woman tightly, but she vanished in an instant. She vanished like soft sea foam or mist, alongside everything else.
Why did he even try? It wasn't real, thus is just the guilt coming to bite and chew at him. An attempt of his conscience to torment him. It hurts like thorns in his skin.
The environment shifts, there is that familiar greenery that he saw everyday. The fruit trees, the gardens, everything was in place. Philia was radiant as always, she was sitting under a tree to repair herself from the wind. He was also there, on her left, his younger self on the right. 
"Do you think I am fit to be king?"
Philia softly chuckled, as the boy asked her that question excitedly. She pet his small head while doing so, in between his growing tree branches. She was the only one he was sure would tell him only the truth.
"Of course you are, you are kind and creative, my prince. You are also very intelligent, too!"
He expected the praise, of course. He truly needed that reassurance and comfort. He clinged to her as he curled up on her lap. He stayed silent for a few minutes, before talking again.
"Do you think Humble is better than me? Would he be a better king?
I don't want to be a bad king..."
He looked sad and lost. After all, he was never the first choice for ruling. He was the trouble maker kid that wasn't composed or soft spoken. His brother Humble was his complete opposite, he was better.
Even in his youth, Hubris knew he was a mere shadow.
Philia continued to caress his head and hair, now her gaze had turned compassionate.
"You both are wonderful children and very talented. You are no less than him and so is he, both of you deserve fair chance of heritage, because both of you are capable.
Humble refused the throne, so it is yours by right. Even if he didnt do so, I know you would have still had chances to be chosen."
He was greatly reassured by her words, his little orange eyes were full of gentle gratefulness. He was just a child, why was he made to feel so lesser than his brother? Philia merely wanted him to be happy and safe...
"Thank you, mama.
I love you very much."
Mama, his mama. Kind mama, warm mama...
Did he deserve to call her that, now?
The false prince trembled, he was paralyzed in place.
"Do you really see me as your mama? What about her majesty?... Won't she be sad hearing this?"
She had a pure heart, she meant no harm. She only wanted to do what was right for her boy.
The little prince shook his head, hiding his face in her arms.
"You're my true mama, only you! You are the only one who loves me!"
It was true, the boy never felt loved by anyone else besides her and the court. His own creators were not knowledgeable about raising something that needed so much care, they were royals, not caretakers.
"Then I will be your mama, for as long as you want me to.
I love you, my little root."
It's unbearable. It felt like needles in his throat. 
Guilt, pain, agony.
A strange wetness was under his eyes. He was only trying to ignore it, he will not acknowledge it...
His lips formed a word, feeble and desperate.
"Mother..."
The sound of laughter and quiet happiness vanished alongside everything else once more.
"Is that guilt, Hubris?"
It was the darkness consumed part of his consciousness. His cursed self, the thing he can never get rid of.
"You're such a weakling. Feeling guilty after all this time, after all you've done. I thought you finally lost your softness. 
Hubris held onto his head, screaming in agony. This was his torture, his limbo, this above any corporal torment.
"You have no choice, so why do you care? Do you enjoy tormenting yourself? Or do you enjoy deluding yourself that things may change? You're pathetic."
There it was, the throne room. He, the usurper, holding a bloody dagger. His mother in front of him, in agony.
"My little root... please... 
Come back to your senses..."
Her feeble voice begged, but all he saw was darkness. It filled his eyes, his mind, his soul. It was the curse, the corruption.
He was the tainted lamb, corrupted and evil. A punishment towards his father for his misdeeds, a punishment towards the royal family. All dictated by a prophecy.
No being could save him, could prevent fate from acting out its script made just for him. The chains increased the more that time passed, now... it played out perfectly.
"I tried... I tried to prevent this..,"
He was desperately trying to maintain his grasp on himself.
"You fought a useless battle, the only good thing you did was give up and play by the rules of your destiny. Face your failure, continue down this path. There is no way to go back."
It was true, he wont be able to return. He had taken everything away from the others and he was an usurper. No matter what he does, even if his fate has been completed... nothing will be the same.
He spirals in despair, leaking a black liquid from his eyes and mouth. It was swallowing him whole.
He thought about the Jester... the battle...
He thought about Philia. 
They were all there.
"How could you do this to us?"
They circled him, all of them. His father, mother, the court, his brother...
"Coward, why haven't you eliminated yourself? You could have saved us only that way."
He would have done so if he knew, he would have done so... 
"You are rotten, a rotten apple. You should have never been born."
Cursed child, bad child. You murderer.
Hubris ran and ran... Wherever he went, it was never far. They were always around him.
"Save me, Philia... Tell me i can go back... Please."
He begged with tears, like a lost child. Running to the distant figure of his "mother".
"Mother! Please! Don't go!"
He reached out for her, those who were haunting him were faster.
"Why have you hurt me?
He stopped, staring at her as she turned around. She was bloody, beaten and bruised. 
"You are not my son."
She exploded, so did the others.
Hubris screamed and everything turned bright.
-----
He then opened his eyes, now back to reality. He was sweating, he felt fear. He felt sick.
Once again, he only finds torture in his dreams. 
He stared at himself in a mirror, noticing how dirty it is. Before he decided to get up and compose himself.
Crying and renember will not do anything, there is no other solution. Thinking about it will only hurt more.
The mirror would stay dirty just like him, no matter how much he tried to wipe it. What is born dirty stays dirty, darkness stays as it is. 
His pitiful determination hid itself once more, now replaced with defeat and silence. As he left that cursed building to return to his duty.
The prince became usurper once again. As he should be.
Category:Tales
Category:Hubris
Category:The Royal Court