Jade's RPG Intro Contest

==Hey, reader and possibly current participant==
===Calling all users who deem themselves good, epic writers! I'm looking at you right now.===
I was caught in the suddenly 'popular lust' to create a contest. Except that this time, there's no art involed. Its pure writing- or typing- throughout.
Basically, I need a good, epic introduction to this RPG. Can you revise it into something better? Here it is:
Intro to The Subspace Emissary
Far away in a world unknown, a supernatural entity of pure power and the embodiment of the strange land rises. Human-like, but transparent and blue in color, his name tells of nothing but a forbidden evil. Slowly gaining power and control, the being sends out a whole army to do his ruthless biddings. Eventually, if nobody stops him, the world as many know it will be under the command of the great entity. His name rings out once more, echoing like the brazen tones of evil bells.
Tabuu!
===Contest Ends By: October 10, 2010 (Server Time)===
===The winner will be determined by: October 15, 2010 (Again, Server Time)===
===What you have been all waiting for: THE PRIZE!===
Don't look at me like that.
...Okay, here's the prize. The winner's entry will be posted on The Subspace Emmissary RPG, credit will be given to them for the help with revising the intro.
==Sign Below to Join! ^^==
I think I can do it! :) --Lord Bluestripe Eulaliiiiiiaaa! 04:20, September 29, 2010 (UTC)
==Entries Go Down Here! ^Not Up There^ (Put teh siggie after yer entry, please)==