Squidiversary/transcript

Previous Episode: Sir Urchin and Snail Fail (Rewrite)
Next Episode: Leni vs. Carol
== Transcript ==
Episode Aired: June 24, 2023
Episode Copyrighted: 2023
This episode is rated TV-Y7.
The episode begins in Squidward's backyard.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey Squidward, you have a CD Player in your backyard!
Lincoln Loud: I have to say, Squidward, I'm impressed with how on point you are with new technology!
Yellow Rectangle: Yeah, you're an octopus!
Squidward Tentacles: Yeah, I am. I got those for free when I'm listening to music.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *turns on the CD Player* Well, all systems go, Captain!
Yellow Rectangle: So, what do you wanna listen to?
Squidward Tentacles: I listen to Kelpy G album. Watch closely. *puts on Kelpy G CD on the CD Player and plays music* Oh, I love this. *dances*
Suddenly, the phone rings.
Squidward Tentacles: I'll be back. *stops the music, then goes to my house, on phone* Hello, this is Squidward. I just wanted to see you, Kelpy G.
SpongeBob SquarePants, Yellow Rectangle and Lincoln Loud: *leaves*
Screen cuts back to SpongeBob, Yellow and Lincoln.
Squidward Tentacles: *on phone* Oh, what am I doing?... Uh, just tryin' to get rid of those guys until they get out and they're morons! You're just playing your clarinet! A quantum microscope couldn't find a quark of charm in those clowns.
Lincoln Loud: To be honest, Squidward, that wasn't so bad after all.
Squidward Tentacles: *on phone* Wait, what am I talking about?
The bees flies to SpongeBob, Yellow and Lincoln and stings them.
SpongeBob SquarePants, Yellow Rectangle and Lincoln Loud: *screams* AAAHHHHHHH! BEES!
Screen cuts back to Squidward's backyard.
Squidward Tentacles: *omes out of the front door, notices the boys are gone* Huh? Those losers are gone?
Lincoln Loud: *gets hurt* We heard every word you just said about us, bee sting!
Squidward Tentacles: Wait, Where are you?
Lincoln Loud: We're at the beehive.
SpongeBob SquarePants: With honey.
Squidward Tentacles: Huh? *looks at SpongeBob, Yellow and Lincoln who are covered in honey. Right. Guys, why are you covered in honey?
Yellow Rectangle: You let the bee sting us.
Lincoln Loud: You ruined our friendship and left us with these horrible black clouds over our heads! Just look at my face! It's swollen!
Screen cuts to Lincoln's face swollen by bees hearing the woman scream in sound effects.
Squidward is confused.
Squidward Tentacles: ...Oh.
There are literal black clouds on top of the boys' heads.
SpongeBob SquarePants: And that one's not a metaphor, by the way.
Lincoln Loud: Goodbye, Squidward.
The boys start to walk away, sadly.
Squidward Tentacles: No, wait! Where are you going?
Lincoln Loud: There's a lot we need to process... I think we need a therapist.
Yellow Rectangle: And a meteorologist.
Squidward Tentacles: Oh, fine. Go see a "get out of my face-ist" as well. *peeks up SpongeBob's house* And as for an extra prescription, some chill pills while you're there, I'm walking away from you guys! *walks away*
Lincoln Loud: *angrily* Fine, walk away, Squidward!
Slide transition cuts to Mr. Grouse's house, Squidward is walking in front of the house.
Squidward Tentacles: *knocks Mr. Grouse's front door* Hello?
Mr. Grouse: *offscreen* No one's here! Go away!
Squidward Tentacles: *opens Mr. Grouse's front door* Mr. Grouse, thank goodness, you're here!
Mr. Grouse: What do you want, Squidward?
Squidward Tentacles: In a cosmic sort of way it is. Turns out it's illegal to alter the minds of children using cold war CIA techniques. It's bureaucratic madness! Next they'll be asking me to pay for an orchestra or something!
Mr. Grouse: Squidward, you do go to the orchestra.
Squidward Tentacles: What's this place coming to when a simple tax-paying man like me can't even enjoy feeding himself and his family by throwing a little dynamite in the pond?!
Mr. Grouse: Look, if you want to make peace with them, just keep it casual and don't go too far, okay? Just play it millennial!
Squidward Tentacles: You mean my clarinet, feeding off avocados with the kids?
Mr. Grouse: Uh, I guess. But mainly I meant you just, like, poke them! Or, bring them more friends! Or leave a little message on their wall!
Squidward Tentacles: *shrugs* Sounds easy enough.
Slide transition cuts to the Loud House in Lincoln's room.
SpongeBob SquarePants, Yellow Rectangle and Lincoln Loud: *looks on in shock*
It turns out Squidward wrote "LET'S PLAY A GAME" on their literal wall, completely missing Mr. Grouse's point.
Lincoln Loud: "LET'S PLAY A GAME"?
Later that night.
Squidward Tentacles: *sneaks in with an abnormal smile, then pokes SpongeBob* Poke. *pokes Yellow* Poke. *pokes Lincoln* Poke.
Before SpongeBob, Yellow, and Lincoln are able to react.
Squidward Tentacles: *pokes them literally, again completely missing Mr. Grouse's point*
Three boys look around and terrified
Squidward Tentacles: *seems to have vanished*
The boys walk around, trying to find their stalker, where numerous random citizens appear under a street light. Three boys are clearly terrified, and run to either side, only to see Squidward (again smiling abnormally), who has literally brought random citizens to follow them, missing Mr. Grouse's point once again.
Lincoln Loud: Squidward, what the heck are you doing?!
Squidward Tentacles: I just scared you guys.
SpongeBob, Yellow and Lincoln are terrified.
Slide transition cuts outside the Krusty Krab, it is closing time. SpongeBob, Yellow, Lincoln and Squidward exit after a long shift.
SpongeBob SquarePants: What a fantastic work shift! Amazing!
Squidward Tentacles: *sarcastically* Keep living on that pipe dream.
As the four continue to walk home.
Lincoln Loud: *wants to stir up conversation* Hey Squidward!
Squidward Tentacles: *ignores Lincoln*
Lincoln Loud: Squidward!
Squidward Tentacles: *ignores Lincoln*
Lincoln Loud: SQUIDWARD!!!!
Squidward Tentacles: WHAT?! You stupid annoying piece of mold?!
SpongeBob SquarePants: It's stupid annoying piece of Sponge! Cellular difference!
Squidward Tentacles: Whatever Professor Biology! Now leave me be! I want to go home and play my clarinet!
Yellow Rectangle: Can we talk about the clarinet because it is a wonderful thing!
Squidward Tentacles: You know what else is a wonderful thing, you moving to another town and Patrick soon after, aha aha aha!
SpongeBob SquarePants: I don’t get it.
Squidward Tentacles: Hmmmm.
Yellow Rectangle: Well anyways, what else do you want to talk about Squiddy?
Squidward Tentacles: Nothing, bye.
Lincoln Loud: What ice cream flavor do you like, do you enjoy swimming, what are you going to don for a Halloween costume this year?
Squidward Tentacles: JUST BE QUIET! Ugh! Shut your mouth for five minutes!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Well, there is another 250 yards to go until we get home, why not make use of the time through conversation? Or get a shortcut.
Squidward Tentacles: That is the most stupid,..... uh actually, did you say shortcut?
Lincoln Loud: Yeah why?
Squidward Tentacles: Hmmm, Lincoln, turn left, go up a steep hill, take a sharp turn from the Old Man statue and go straight 10 yards, and we will be home!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hmmmmmmm, ok! Lalala!
Yellow Rectangle: Oh, goody!
SpongeBob SquarePants, Yellow Rectangle and Lincoln Loud: *skips off to this exact “shortcut”*
Squidward Tentacles: Ha! Lost them! *continues my usual path home when seeing a sign that says* "Rock Bottom, take a left, go up the steep hill, turn from the old man and walk 10 yards straight" Ha, that’s what I told Spongebob to do. *walks*
He realizes what he has said.
Squidward Tentacles: WHAT HAVE I JUST DONE?! *runs off taking all of these moves*
SpongeBob, Yellow and Lincoln are already at the old man and turn.
Old Man Jenkins: I don’t want to be a burden.
Yellow Rectangle: Ok, just ten yards straight and We are home! And so is Squidward!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Right!
Squidward Tentacles: GUYS! STOP!
Lincoln Loud: Squidward? Hey, watch out!
Squidward Tentacles: Huh? *tries to slow down but encounters a banana peel*
It is causing him to slip, bump into SpongeBob, Yellow and Lincoln and send them down the hole that leads right into Rock Bottom.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *lands on a pile of used candy wrappers while Squidward lands face first into a bench*
Yellow Rectangle and Lincoln Loud: *lands on SpongeBob*
Lincoln Loud: Thank goodness we landed on SpongeBob.
Squidward Tentacles: *muffles* Just my luck.
Yellow Rectangle and Lincoln Loud: *gets off of SpongeBob*
SpongeBob SquarePants, Yellow Rectangle and Lincoln Loud: *helps him up*
Yellow Rectangle: Drat!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh no! We’re in Rock Bottom!
Squidward Tentacles: Phooey! *stomps somewhere*
Lincoln Loud: Squid? Squidward!
Squidward Tentacles: *walks up to a cashier like myself at the Transport Station* Hey! I need a mode of transportation so me and those buffoons behind me can get back to the city.
Cashier: I can’t *farts*, understand *farts*, your language. *farts*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Is there *farts* a bus *farts* to go to *farts* the city? *farts*
Cashier: Sorry kid *farts*, all buses are currently *farts* under *farts* maintenance work right now. *farts*
Squidward Tentacles: *sarcastically* Of course.
Cashier: *looks at Squidward and examines him*
Squidward Tentacles: Mind laying off the creepiness? *farts*
Cashier: Don’t I *farts* recognize you *farts* from somewhere? *farts*
Squidward Tentacles: Why would I spend time down in this wasteland?
Cashier: Wait.. wait, *farts* that sarcasm rings a bell– *gasps*
The cashier drops his pen and begins getting overjoyed.
Cashier: It's you! *farts* It's you! *farts* It's you!!! *farts*
Squidward Tentacles: Who's me, what?!
Cashier: Fellow Rock Bottomites, he has arrived!
A whole shmorgeousboard of Rock Bottomites suddenly show up looking overcome with joy as well.
Squidward Tentacles: Excuse me?
Cashier: You’re Squidward! *farts* Squidward Tentacles!
Squidward Tentacles: Hey? How’d you know my name?
Cashier: Everybody here in *farts* Rock Bottom *farts* knows your name! *farts*
Rock Bottomite: You are the *farts* famous artist! *farts*
Squidward Tentacles: I am?
Cashier: Yeah!
Squidward Tentacles: *stares into space for a moment before smiling* So you like my art eh?
Cashier: Yeah! Yeah!
Rock Bottomite: My kids, my grandma and my physical doctor love your pieces! Especially ol Bold and Brash! *shows Squidward, SpongeBob, Yellow and Lincoln a huge poster of Bold and Brash along with several other pieces of Squidward's usually shunned artwork*
Squidward Tentacles: *drools from the mouth in awe not being able to believe that my dream of being recognized as a famous artist is actually real, at least in Rock Bottom*
Yellow Rectangle: Anyways Squidward uhh, about that transportation now?
Squidward Tentacles: Leave? Why leave?! I can’t believe I am saying this but, I WANT TO STAY IN ROCK BOTTOM!
Yellow Rectangle: WHAT?! Why?!!
Squidward Tentacles: My artwork is appreciated and not shunned here! I am treated as a famous celebrity and not a waste of space! And I don’t have to deal with annoying neighbors!
SpongeBob SquarePants: But! But! What about the Krusty Krab?!
Lincoln Loud: And the Loud House?!
Squidward Tentacles: Why would I waste my time further at that dump and not take the chance of making it big in Rock Bottom, yeah, that's actually true!
SpongeBob SquarePants, Yellow Rectangle and Lincoln Loud: But, but!
Rock Bottomite: Beat it boys! *farts* The artiste is staying! *sends SpongeBob, Yellow and Lincoln flying away with a whack from my tail fin*
SpongeBob SquarePants, Yellow Rectangle and Lincoln Loud: *flies through the air of advanced darkness eventually landing in a trash can, on top of the rock.
Lincoln Loud: A rock? That's weird.
Squidward and his following make their way to the Rock Bottom Art Museum. Squidward stares in awe of the many pieces Rock Bottomites have to offer.
Squidward Tentacles: Fantastic strokes of pointillism! Amazing attention to detail! Oh my Neptune! What a beautiful array of photograms!
Rock Bottomite: Oh what these silly Kindergarten drawings? *farts* Let's go through Door number two.
Squidward Tentacles and the Rock Bottomites: *enters another room*
Squidward Tentacles: *freezes in awe and graciousness when seeing an entire room dedicated to all and any of my artwork from self-portraits to hedge clippings, then tears up in the form of joy, *sniffles* Dreams do come true! *goes to enjoy some pieces such as my waterfall made of my likeness that sprays out chocolate*
Which Squidward and the Rock Bottomites love, including the Chocolate Guy.
Chocolate Guy: CHOCOLATE!!!!
It shows Fred stuck in the leg with a big rock.
Fred Rechid: MY LEG!
Other such examples are Squidward's play called Octomeo and Squidiet, a go to novella on how he is able to draw his likeness and even a sculpture dedicated to his great grandfather.
Squidward Tentacles: *sighs* Why did you have to leave me Great Grandpappy?
Squidward goes on to enjoy some Rock Bottom Art Sandwiches with his new friends, do a drawing contest with little young kids and even teaches a class on Cubism.
Dumb Rock Bottomite: Uhhhhhh, why no pencil on desk? *farts*
Squidward Tentacles: Simple……. DON’T DRAW ON THE DESKS! finishes another self-portrait and sells a copy to an elderly Rock Bottomite*
SpongeBob SquarePants: *sniffles and cries while eating with Yellow and Lincoln at the Darkness Of Marketplace*
Lincoln Loud: SpongeBob, what's wrong?
SpongeBob SquarePants: *cries* He kicked us out!
Many hours have passed, possibly even days since it is always dark in Rock Bottom and you have no idea what the time can say.
Squidward Tentacles: I have had so much fun with you guys! I really don’t want to leave!
Rock Bottomite: You don’t have to leave! *farts* And we have come in clutch for you! *farts*
Cashier: A brand new Eastern *farts* Island head! *farts* With a unibrow! *farts*
Squidward Tentacles: A vinyl record!
Rock Bottomite: A clarinet shop! *farts*
Squidward Tentacles: In D Minor!
Cashier: And canned bread! *farts*
Squidward Tentacles: *in awe* Canned bread! I accept! 
Rock Bottomite: Sign here! *farts*
Squidward is handed a pen and he signs a contract.
Lincoln Loud: *shows up* Squidward, I wouldn’t do that if I were you!
Squidward Tentacles: Quiet Lincoln.
Rock Bottomite: Yeah quiet Lincoln! *farts* You're not allowed in here! *farts*
Squidward Tentacles: So ladies and gentlemen, what should I do next?
Rock Bottomite: Just head into that *farts* area that says, “Liquify!” *farts*
Squidward Tentacles: *walks over* SpongeBob feels something is up.
Cashier: Just stay put! *farts*
Rock Bottomite: *pulls a lever and traps Squidward in a cage of green liquid slime*
Squidward Tentacles: Haha, uh guys, this is a piece of artwork right?
Rock Bottomite: Nope! *farts*
Cashier: It is where we *farts* will hold you *farts* so we can admire *farts* you forever! *farts*
Squidward Tentacles: What now?
Rock Bottomite: Just stay put! *farts* This artwork will be amazing! *farts*
Squidward Tentacles: Guys uh, now that I think if it, perhaps I should be getting back to the city.
Cashier: Ha! *farts* You sure know how to joke around artiste! *farts* Let us know when you get another idea for art! *farts*
Rock Bottomites: *disperse*
Squidward Tentacles: Always a catch. Always a catch!
SpongeBob SquarePants, Yellow Rectangle and Lincoln Loud: *comes out of hiding*
Squidward Tentacles: SpongeBob! Yellow! Lincoln! Yes! Please help me out of this liquid prison! Before those psycho fans return!
Lincoln Loud: I don’t know if I want to!
Squidward Tentacles: What do you mean?!
Lincoln Loud: You said so yourself, you would rather be here than with your friends back home! I respect that!
Squidward Tentacles: No! No! I lied! Please! I love it in Bikini Bottom, no matter how horrible my work situation is or my financial and living and dreams and no matter how annoying you can be, it is much more worth it than just sitting here and rotting! Please forgive me so we can get out of here!!! Please!!!!!
Yellow Rectangle: Hmmmm, say the magic word.
Lincoln Loud: Go ahead, Squidward.
Squidward Tentacles: What? What?!
SpongeBob SquarePants: I love the Krusty Krab, home of the..
Squidward deeply hesitates but eventually concedes so he can get out of jail.
Squidward Tentacles: Krabby Patty.
SpongeBob SquarePants: You love it?
Squidward Tentacles: Errgghhhh, yes.
Lincoln Loud: *turns off the liquid prison dropping Squidward to the ground*
Squidward Tentacles: Thanks, just so you know, those were lies too.
Lincoln Loud: Saw it coming.
Cashier: Hey! *farts* That Loud boy kid is taking our artiste! *farts*
Rock Bottomite: *holds a pitch fork along with the others* Get him! 
Lincoln Loud: *screams and runs*
Squidward Tentacles: *to SpongeBob and Yellow* Run?
SpongeBob SquarePants: *to Squidward* Run!
Yellow Rectangle: *points at Lincoln* There he is! He's in trouble! We gotta go save him!
The two neighbors and co workers run screaming for their lives while an angry mob of scary Rock Bottomites chase them like a massive Black Friday is going down. Before they could try and work around the 90 degree road angle, they are cornered by bodyguards and the mob.
Lincoln Loud: *keeps screaming and running*
Cashier: Not so fast *farts* Artiste stealer! *farts*
Rock Bottomite: Unhand the artist or lose your limbs!
Lincoln Loud: Please don’t sever my limbs!
Rock Bottomite: I’m not *farts*, but my vicious guard worms will! *farts*
Vicious barking guard worms show up,
Cashier: End of the road for you four! Hahahah! *farts*
SpongeBob SquarePants and Yellow Rectangle: *grabs Lincoln*
Squidward Tentacles: *begins thinking* Think! Think! Think!
The camera takes a shot through Squidward's ear and into his brain area before digging into his brain and going through several memories such as his earlier admiration as well as encountering some locusts. He then remembers Lincoln's Cellular difference rant.
Squidward Tentacles: Brain blast! Lincoln! Have I told you what you look like?
Lincoln Loud: Might pick a better time to converse Squidward, if we survive the worms!
Squidward Tentacles: Whatever you say,.... Mold.
Lincoln's nose shrivels up and then he turns red in anger since him being called Mold always gets on his nerves.
Lincoln Loud: I AM NOT A MOLD!!!! *begins screaming in anger and pumping my fists onto the ground*
Cashier: What is happening?!!
Rock Bottomite: I don’t know?!!!!
Squidward Tentacles: Mold! Mold! Mold! Mold! Mold!
Lincoln Loud: *gets angrier and angrier*
It eventually causes a part of the ground to break way making many Rock Bottomites, the bodyguards and the guard worms fall into a dark abyss, never to be seen again. SpongeBob, Squidward, Yellow and Lincoln remain.
Squidward Tentacles: Fine, Linc.
Lincoln's screams get quieter and he calms down.
Lincoln Loud: What just happened?
Squidward Tentacles: I’ll tell you all about it later, now can you get a balloon? I heard they are the now go to source to get out of this death trap.
SpongeBob SquarePants and Yellow Rectangle: *runs to Squidward and Lincoln*
Yellow Rectangle: We have to go now!
Lincoln Loud: Squidward, there's the exit.
SpongeBob SquarePants: I know. Balloon can fly us back to the city.
SpongeBob SquarePants, Yellow Rectangle and Lincoln Loud: *skedaddles and returns with four balloons with tons of helium inside*
A red balloon for SpongeBob, a yellow balloon for Yellow, a green balloon for Squidward and a blue balloon for Lincoln.
SpongeBob SquarePants, Yellow Rectangle and Lincoln Loud: *hangs on with balloon*
As the balloons lift them out of Rock Bottom so they can fly back to the city.
Old Man Jenkins: *falls down to Rock Bottom* I hope the monster guys still have ol Bold and Brash!
Screen cuts to Lincoln and Squidward flying in the sky with tons of helium balloons.
Lincoln Loud: Squidward, we're flying! We're safe!
Squidward Tentacles: I loathe you a little less than I did before.
Lincoln is surprised.
Lincoln Loud: *cheerfully* That's good enough for me, Squidward!
SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm glad you came!
Yellow Rectangle: I love you, Squidward!
SpongeBob SquarePants, Yellow Rectangle and Lincoln Loud: *hugs Squidward*
Squidward Tentacles: Thanks, guys!
SpongeBob SquarePants, Yellow Rectangle and Lincoln Loud: *stops hugging Squidward*
Lincoln Loud: It's good to be back! *hugs Squidward*
Squidward Tentacles: *starts to tear up and smiles*
Lincoln Loud: Happy Anniversary, Squidward! *accidentally pops Squidward's helium balloon* Oops.
Squidward Tentacles: Lincoln, you idiot! *start screaming and falling, then gets hurt, offscreen* OW!
Screen cuts in black and it says "THE END". Episode ends.
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