Take a Skit

The fourth chapter of Total Drama Revolution, posted on July 13, 2011. On Northworth's birthday, the contestants are tasked to write and perform a skit. And, uh, "skit" goes down.
==Story==
Chris and Chef are at a grocery store.
"Hey, did you get th' beans?" asks Chef.
"Chef, we're filming right now. Too much information." says Chris.
"Aw, man. I just need some to soothe my stomach." says Chef.
"Just let me do the intro." says Chris.
"If you let me do it, I'll give you 50 bucks." says Chef.
"No." says Chris. "Last time on Total Drama Revolution, the teams captured gentlemen in the city. The Dancing Bugs won, but two of their members were acting extremely lazy during the challenge. The Epic Platypi voted out PJ, because I guess she creeped them out. Let's see what they're up to at the moment."
Northworth wakes up in the Platypi cabin. "It's my birthday, you scum-suckers, so you better be nice to me."
"How old are you? Five?" asks a groggy Kavren.
"17, you turd." says Northworth. "What's with all the rudeness?"
"Nobody likes you." says a voice from under the sheets.
"Whoever said that, they're probably ugly and they're gonna die alone." says Northworth.
Chelsey emerges from the sheets.
"Oh, I take that back. Sorry, babe." says Northworth. "Anyways, where are my presents?"
"Here's a 'present'." says Toad. He pulls his pants and underwear down.
"Eww, an arse!" says Northworth. "You sicko!"
"Squirrels in my pants." says Antoine coolly.
Northworth sticks up his middle finger at Antoine.
"Way to be dirty." says Antoine. "Now, I'mma polish my sunglasses." He walks into the bathroom.
Elle and Chelsey are whispering about something.
"What are you simple-suds whispering about?" asks Northworth.
"Aw, nothin'." says Elle.
"What's in my pants...?" asks Northworth. "I feel something tickly.
"Squirrels?" asks a voice from the bathroom.
"No, it's a..." says Northworth. He pulls a boa constrictor out of my pants. "AAAAAAUGH!!"
"XD." says Cammy.
"Not funny, you candy butts." says Northworth. "You could have gotten me killed."
"That's a good thing." says Trick.
"Guys, be nice to the little dude. It's his birthday." says MacKenzie.
Trick says in the confessional, "Nah. I don't think anyone likes Northworth, except MacKenzie, because she likes everyone."
The Dancing Bugs are in their awesome hotel.
"I love the game 'Extremely Mad Avians.' It's fun to watch birds kill pigs." says Dolph, concentrating on his uPod Touch.
"That's not niiiice, maaaaaan." says Tasia, who is on the ground.
"Can I step on you?" asks Kim.
Kim says in the confessional, "Tasia would make a great alliance member, but the problem is, she's always on the ground, laughing woozily."
Vincent and Donny are locked in the bathroom.
"Aw, shucks, why did Kim have to lock us in here last night?" asks Donny.
"We were singing 'Born This Way' for five hours." says Vincent.
"Yeah, but there's a poopy smell in here." says Donny.
"Why don't you flush the toilet?" asks Vincent.
"You clogged it yesterday." says Donny.
"Oh yeah, when I ate all those bananas?" asks Vincent.
"Yup." says Donny, rolling his eyes.
Chris comes in, knocking the door down with a sledgehammer.
"Time for the challenge." he says.
"Aw, thank goodness. We were locked in here for days." says Donny.
"THANK YOU!" screams Vincent, hugging Chris.
"The challenge is in the auditorium." says Chris, ignoring Vincent's hug.
At the auditorium, Chris explains the challenge.
"Each team simply has to make and perform a skit." he says.
"Sounds easy enough." shrugs Gustavo.
"There must be at least one musical number, and everyone must have some sort of costume." says Chris.
"Gustavo, you idiot, you just jinxed it!" screams Ori.
"'Ey, man, take a chill pill." says Gustavo.
Mattie whispers, "Which boy would you rather date?"
"Eww, I hate boys." says Abbey.
"All right, guys, get to work." says Chris. He then leaves.
The Platypi are brainstorming.
"Oh, I have an idea!" says Cammy.
"What is it?" asks Northworth. "I mean, it will probably suck, but go on."
"We all dress up in bikinis and sing 'California Gurls'." says Cammy.
"Even the boys?" asks Antoine.
"Um, sure." says Cammy.
"YESSS!" screams Kavren.
Everyone stares at him awkwardly.
"I mean, California Gurls is an amazing song." says Kavren. "Daisy dukes, bikinis on top..."
"We know what you mean." says Chelsey.
"Hey, has anyone seen Toad lately?" asks Elle.
Toad randomly pops out of nowhere, wearing a dorky wig, saggy pants, and a purple sweatshirt.
"I'm DUSTIN NUTRIA!" he screams.
"Ha-ha, that's not funny." says Northworth.
"I'm gonna dress up as someone else. And watch, you're gonna find it funny." says Toad, disappearing.
Kavren comes out dressed as a giant banana.
"Where did you get that?!" asks Antoine.
"Found it in the closet over there." says Kavren.
"ZOMG. I WANT ONE." says Cammy excitedly.
The Dancing Bugs are having a harder time coming up with ideas for their play.
"How about, we have a guy in sunglasses, with a bunch of gorillas behind him." says Donny.
"That's weeeeeird, maaaaaan." says Tasia.
"All right, then how about a weird lady with jutting out cheekbones, dancing around in nothing but a bra and underwear." says Donny.
"Are you okay?" asks Kim.
"How about a weird kid with a freakishly high voice in a bowling alley, singing repetitive lyrics and flirting with girls who are like ten years older than him?" asks Donny.
"You need mental help." says Gustavo.
Donny glares at Kim, Tasia, and Gustavo.
"Hmph. Try coming up with better ideas yourselves." he says.
"How about a young girl singing unnecessarily cheesy lyrics about the best day of the week, while a creepy guy raps?" asks Dolph.
"Y'know, that's not a bad idea." says Vincent.
"Who wants to be the creepy rapper?" asks Dolph.
Everyone looks at Donny.
"All right, I'll be the rapper." says Donny.
"Can I be the girl?" asks Mattie.
"No, the girl has to be ugly. And you're anything but." Dolph winks at Mattie.
"Who can be the girl, then?" asks Abbey.
Vincent makes a clicking noise.
"Oh, god." says Ori.
The girls on the Platypi team are changing.
"Hey, if any of the boys, particularly Northworth or Toad, come in, kill them." says Elle.
"I'm on it." says Chelsey.
Toad comes in.
"Elle told me to kill you if you walked in." says Chelsey.
"I'm not Toad." he says, and he's wearing a blonde wig and a meat dress, "I'm LADY GAGA!"
"Not funny, again." says Chelsey.
"Dang it!" says Toad loudly.
"Hey Toad, Elle's wearing a cupcake bikini." says Kavren, still in his banana costume.
"Let me see." drools Toad.
"No, she's changing," says a voice sounding like Antoine. "Leave her be."
"You don't like Elle when she's changing." says a voice sounding like Trick.
Kavren pulls open the curtain, but Elle is not wearing a shirt.
"AAAH!" screams Elle.
"Boobies..." says Kavren dreamily.
"Aw, man, a X-Treme Torture repeat." says Cammy.
"Those are no fun." says MacKenzie.
Elle quickly puts a towel on, while screaming and saying naughty things.
"That was not cool, man. Your popularity just dropped." says Chelsey.
Chris meets the contestants at the front of the amphitheater.
"All right, guys, ready to start?" asks Chris. "Dancing Bugs can go first."
A loud whisper is heard.
"Oh yeah, did I mention our third judge besides me and Chef?" asks Chris.
Helga comes out with a pad and pencil.
"Oh, lord." says Kavren.
"I'm super-critical today, so I better be a little entertained here." says Helga snidely.
"And, begin." says Chris.
Ori walks out, pushing a bed. Mattie and Abbey come out with furniture also. The three then go backstage.
Vincent comes out, wearing a horrific girl's costume consisting of a black wig, a tanktop, and glittery pants. He also has a hairy, fake pimple.
Horribly bubbly pop music starts playing.
"7 A.M, wakin' up in the mornin'. Gotta get dressed, gonna go downstairs! Gotta get my bowl, gonna have oatmeal! Then I'mma vomit in the toilet bowl! Punch my sister, in the groin. Now I gotta get down to the bus stop. I don't see a bus, but I see Donny!" sings Vincent.
Donny pulls up in a blatantly fake car, with a beanie, bling and sunglasses on.
"He's rappin' in the front seat. Tasia's in the back seat. Gotta make my mind up, which seat can I taaaaaaaake?" asks Vincent.
"Stop singing, and get in m' car." says Donny. 
"It's Friday! Friday! Gotta drink booze on Friday!" sings Vincent.
"Keep it PG." whispers Donny.
"Oh yeah. Everyone's lookin' forward to the weekend! Partyin', partyin'!" sings Vincent.
"Yeah!" screams everyone.
"Partyin', partyin'!" sings Vincent.
"Yeah!" screams everyone again.
"Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fu--" says Vincent.
"There were only four "fun"s, I think." says Donny.
"Lookin' forward to the weekend." says Vincent.
Abbey and Mattie quickly make the scene change to night.
"Yesterday was Thursday." says Vincent.
"Captain Obvious..." says Helga rudely from the audience.
"Today, it is Friday. Wii, wii, wii, I just played my Wii. I am excited. And have a crush on Princess Peach. Tomorrow is Saturday, and Sunday comes afterwaaaards..." says Vincent. "I don't want this weekend to eeeeeend..."
thumb|250px|"V-M, Vincent Mackiewicz!""V-M, Vincent Mackiewicz!" raps Donny. "Chillin' in the front side, and the back seat, we're drivin', cruisin' fast lanes, switchin' lanes. I'm Donny J. Bouton. Yeah, I see a school bus in front of me, throw eggs at it, go on a killin' spree, everyone's having fun, fun, fun on Friday, Friday!"
"Fun, fun, fun, fun." says Vincent, and he bows.
"Good enough." says Helga from the audience, once everyone is done clapping.
"All right, next up is the Epic Platypi, but I don't know if they even have a skit." says Chris.
"Oh, we do." says Antoine, who's sitting at a table, wearing a button-down shirt, only it's unbuttoned.
"Let's begin." says Chris.
"Greetings, loved ones." says Antoine. "It's time to get smexy..."
"I..." sings Chelsey, in a cupcake bikini, "Know a place."
"Where the boys are really--" sings Elle, also in a cupcake bikini.
thumb|250px|Kavren ruins the Epic Platypi's production. "PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME! PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!" sings Kavren obnoxiously, dancing about in his banana costume.
Trick, in a bikini, calls Kavren something rude.
Toad comes out wearing a purple mohawk wig. "I'm VINCENT!" he says.
"Not a great impression." says Vincent, still in his costume.
Helga leaves, rolling her eyes and muttering things.
"I think I know who just won." says Chris.
The Bugs cheer.
"Platypi, time for elimination." says Chris.
"You idiots just lost? Again? Now, I have no idea who to vote out and it's my friggin' birthday. Thanks a lot, you tards." says Northworth angrily.
Cammy says in the confessional, "I'm gonna vote Northworth. Man, that kid pisses me off."
Elle says in the confessional, "Snooki!"
Chelsey says in the confessional, "Kavren, that little pest."
Chris is at the elimination ceremony. "Tonight, we have little Vincent figurines. They go to Antoine, Toad, Trick, and Elle."
The four get their figurines.
"Chelsey, MacKenzie, Cammy." says Chris.
The three girls get their figurines.
"Kavren and Northworth, you both screwed up in the challenge today. But the final figurine goes to..."
"Kavren."
Kavren, still in his banana suit, sticks his tongue out at Northworth.
"All right. Are you friggin' kidding me? You idiots voted me out on my birthday? You little @#$%es better wish you had never been born, because--"
Chris pushes Northworth into the Taxi of Losers, and it drives away.
"FFFFUUUU--" yells Northworth from inside the taxi.
"See you next time, I guess." says Chris.
==Author's Notes==
*Thanks to the massive focus on Toad and Kavren, the onslaught of lowbrow humor, and the classically-2011 pop culture references, this is easily the most infamous chapter I've ever written. It kickstarted a trend of skit chapters appearing in every subsequent story, usually with equally-scatological titles.
*Donny's skit ideas are references to music videos: Bruno Mars's "The Lazy Song," Lady Gaga's "Born This Way," and Justin Bieber's "Baby." Dolph's idea, and the final skit, are references to "Friday" by Rebecca Black (with Donny's classic "V-M, Vincent Mackiewicz" verse being a reference to Patrice Wilson's rap) as well as the Bart Baker parody of "Friday."
*The Platypi's skit is a reference to Katy Perry's "California Gurls" music video.
*Northworth was eliminated because I hated the guy who he was based on at the time and wanted to make him an early out, even though he was a really funny character who I enjoyed writing for.