Journals

See also the lists of achievements, travels, and kills
List of all journals in the game. Journals are essentially in-game quests, and are generally rather involved, as opposed to achievements. You can get hints on how to complete them from listening to NPCs or seeing certain things in-game.
To view all of the journals you have completed in-game, use the command.
To see the hints that you have for in-progress journals, use the command.
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XP 	Name 	Description
0 	
First Battle Royale Champ	Awarded to boob for winning the first Battle Royale (no longer obtainable)
1 	
humanitymoo 	oh the humanitymoo!!
1 	
Lumberjackin' 	Have you been lumberjackin', boy?
10 	
Documentarian 	And now we observe the camera man in his natural habitat...
50 	
hammer time 	Caught by the police while having fun with a claw hammer.
50 	
Roshi 	Defeated Master Roshi in combat.
50 	
Star Wars 	Collected all the Star Wars figures.
50 	
Rashomon 	Returned Ghost Dog's paperback.
50 	
eye contact 	Made eye contact with someone far, far away.
50 	
dreams of before	Was it all just a dream?
50 	
footstrong 	Buzzed Neil Armstrong's footprint.
50 	
pinkslip 	Got fired. Literally.
50 	
orator 	A great speaker of our time!
50 	
butterfingers 	oops
50 	
munitions supply	Supplied with munitions by Null.
50 	
heathkit 	Made a stoner's life a little easier. Good job, I guess?
50 	
One for the homies	Poured one out for da homies.
70 	
septuagenarian 	Hit the big 7-0. Where did the years go?
75 	
barfly 	Shared your saucing secrets!
75 	
Paid Da Cost 	To beat da Boss
80 	
octogenarian 	Made it to your 80th birthday. You're farting dust.
90 	
nonagenarian 	You're in your 90s. Willard Scott's people are sending you letters.
100 	
Usagi Yojimbo 	The rabbit died. And dropped a hosaka daikatana.
100 	
demon killer 	Killed an agent of satan for Prchr.
100 	
flak gunner 	Shot down an aircraft.
100 	
moonshiner 	Hooked Care Dog up with some moonshine.
100 	
dream warrior 	Carried the war INTO YOUR DREAMS.
100 	
cenetarian 	You passed the 100 year mark! Just die already, someone wants your apartment.
100 	
fishkeeper 	Kept sea creatures imprisoned in your apartment for fun.
100 	
new porn! 	Gave porn to a rock leech. Ew.
100 	
airlocked 	Died in the frigid hell of hard vacuum.
100 	
hostage 	Took a hostage at gunpoint.
100 	
deer hunter 	Lost a game of Russian roulette.
100 	
Big Papa 	Killed THE badass pimp.
100 	
chukka khan 	Shrugged the mortal coil of the Zulu leader
125 	
hitler 	Found the final solution to the criminal problem.
125 	
Clone Crusader 	Gave some clones a reason to live.
150 	
card catalog 	Collected 20 signed trading cards.
150 	
bonepanther's friend	Made friends with a VERY large kitty.
150 	
charnold 	Hunted down and killed the Charnold.
150 	
clone hunta 	Killed a hundred defective clones for fun.
150 	
ring-bearer 	Returned an escaped cannibal victim's precious wedding ring.
150 	
neurosurgeon 	It ain't rocket science.
150 	
reunion 	Granted your old pal some peace.
150 	
youtube material	administered an alternative urine therapy to a heart attack victim
150 	
glorified errand boy	Was conned into jumping through hoops for some crazy old guy.
150 	
intern 	Landed a desk job at Weyland-Utani.
150 	
big brother 	Big Brother is now watching.
175 	
agnes' secret 	Blackmailed Sister Agnes with her nasty secret in the basement.
175 	
paparazzi 	Blackmailed Minceward Lanceboil.
175 	
Lanced that Boil!	Killed Minceward and lanced his boil.
175 	
Monster Trucked 	Destroyed the great redneck menace.
200 	
belly of the beast	Wading through a horde of the undead.
200 	
furnace 	Found the hidden passage in the orphanage furnace.
200 	
rickrolled 	Fell victim to one of the classic blunders.
200 	
master chef 	Invented a culinary wonder.
200 	
the hind 	Stole an old man's Hind D helicopter.
200 	
apotheosis 	Discovered the Juicer clan "God".
200 	
diary of a madman	Turned over the warden's diary.
200 	
distress call 	Found the source of the Coventry broadcast.
200 	
Grinched 	Brought some joy to Christmas.
250 	
cousteau 	Explored the abandoned sealab.
250 	
baby back ribs 	A tasty alternative to a back alley abortion.
250 	
stream crosser 	Crossed the streams. That's bad.
250 	
phil's story 	Uncovered 3David's past and his family's fate.
250 	
corporate counter-espionage	Recovered Weyland-Utani's stolen technology.
250 	
master burglar 	Stole a shitload of TVs for Mung.
250 	
shadow over botany	Solved the mystery of the missing fisherman.
250 	
borealis crewman	Completed all the duties assigned to you by a grumpy robot.
250 	
wasted the uryeti!	let's go squatchin'!
250 	
Bro Love 	Snuffed a brodad.
300 	
buddha on the road	Met buddha on the road. Killed him.
300 	
chimaeraslayer 	Cleaned the gene pool of the hideous Chimaera.
300 	
cosplayer 	Wait, you're serious?
300 	
KKK 	Burned a cross on Dr. Kigabe's doorstep.
300 	
little drummer boy	Shall I play for you, pa rum pum pum pum?
300 	
David 	Made a notable male nude description
300 	
Venus 	Made a notable female nude description
300 	
talkradio 	Killed the insane racist talk radio host.
300 	
fightclub 	Passed the Fight Club initiation.
300 	
enemy mine 	Worked with a sworn enemy to accomplish a larger goal.
300 	
inventor 	Published instructions for fellow researchers.
300 	
BSI admittance 	Gained admittance to a long-closed institute of higher learning.
300 	
family counselling	You made a family whole again.
300 	
Sir-Mix-a-Lot 	You've got buns, hun.
300 	
Belding 	Killed the leader of the karnivores and took his jacket.
300 	
godslayer 	You've slain the mighty Junk Golem.
300 	
an unlikely seamster	Brought materials to Remington.
300 	
Colton Harris-Moore #1 Fan	Crashed 10 planes
300 	
sleeper escort 	Brought a sleeper from the screamer base back to Weezer.
300 	Styptic's Star 	Awarded by Styptic for outstanding bravery in the face of certain death.
300 	
Mark of >B 	
300 	
Hot Coffee 	
300 	
Offed Paps 	Destroyed that grumpy old thing.
300 	
Gator AIDS 	
350 	
baby back ribs pt2	For one baby a day, you can keep a cannibal fed.
350 	
baby farmer 	Sacrificed your firstborn to the shoggoth.
350 	
drug dealer 	First one's free, kid!
350 	
egg harvest 	Killed the bug queen for her eggs.
350 	
corporate espionage	Stole secret documents from the Mormons.
400 	
nodachi 	Got the lotus nodachi on Kakuri island.
400 	
gorton's fisherman	Slew the Kraken. Fishsticks for all!
400 	
arena 	Used a makeshift cannon with homemade gunpowder to defeat the Gorn.
400 	
will smith 	Shot down a damn UFO! BOO-YA, ALIEN BITCH!
400 	
sacrifice 	Appeased the volcano god.
400 	cannibal's friend	
Helped some cannibals get revenge on an escaped victim.
400 	
hellboy 	Killed the Hellboy and took his gun.
400 	
gullible fool 	You dumbass!
400 	
siege survivor 	Survived the assault on Precinct 13.
450 	
null's salvation	Destroyed all the Shoggoth spawn for Null.
450 	
WOPR 	Beat the supercomputer WOPR at its own game.
500 	
enlightenment 	Achieved enlightenment in the Kakuri monastery.
500 	
gun dealer 	Got an invite to 77Jack's arms dealership.
500 	
sealab flooder 	Killed the deep one abomination, and flooded the sealab.
500 	
electrical engineer	Restored power to the Slagtown subway station.
500 	
UFO Mechanic 	Fixed the crashed UFO at the crater rim.
500 	
killer groove 	Defeated all combatants. Oh yeah, can't you feel it?
500 	
brundlechud 	Genetically engineered the horrific BrundleChud.
500 	
shoggoth tunnels	Found your way down into the shoggoth tunnels.
500 	
builder 	Contributed something permanent to Hell.
500 	
bad lieutenant 	Judge, jury and executioner for The Man.
500 	
tesla 	Triggered the mighty earthquake machine.
500 	
ka9q 	Decoded a message from space.
500 	
crack bomber 	Terror-bombed the crack mansion.
500 	
rampage 	Did lots of obviously naughty things.
500 	
720 	Totally unlocked the secret tape.
500 	
gourmand 	Satisfied the idiotic, petty gustatory desires of Ricardo.
500 	
Tentacular 	Was it worth it? Really?
500 	
spider stomper 	Destroyed the fearsome Spider Mastermind.
500 	
Widowmaker 	Robbed a female red widow of its meal.
500 	
escaped fairfield	Survived the horrors of Fairfield, CA
600 	
matter compiler 	Used the ancient matter compiler to make valuable metals.
600 	
redneck nuker 	yeehaa! kablooey!
600 	
commodus 	Earned the title of Colosseum Champion.
600 	
liberator 	Reunited the peasant sisters in botany bay.
600 	
heracles 	Dragged the Cerberus past the gates of Hades.
650 	
oil baron 	Refined and sold some gasoline from the refinery.
650 	
turing award 	10 PRINT 'UR GAY' 20 GOTO 10
750 	
ruthless 	Incinerated your faithful friend in record time.
750 	
Deforester 	The forces of pollution have nothing on the likes of you!
800 	
Edith's dolly 	Returned Edith's dolly to her.
800 	
Colony Conqueror	Her reign of terror comes to an end.
800 	
EOD 	ka-boom
900 	
quaid 	Started the reactor.
1000 	
chud genocide 	Murdered every chud in the sewers.
1000 	
gleaming the cube	Survived the monstrous CUBE. No one will ever believe you.
1000 	
scoop of a lifetime	You haven't covered wars, but you may as well have.
1000 	
ronin 	Got the case out of W-U for Slim.
1500 	
missile commander	Launched the Colossus missile. You inhuman bastard.
2000 	
missile comdooder	Durrr...what does this thing do?!
3000 	
mahdi 	Avenger of all humankind.
9999 	
left behind 	
10000	
End of the Road 	Took the easy way out.
Category:List
Category:WIP