Galaxy Brain v. My Favorite Villain

==Description==
Things get meta when a notorious client sues a true crime podcast for alleging supervillainy! Harper learns vital lessons about defamation, podcasting, and the perils of breaking the fourth wall.
==Synopsis==
[synopsis]
==Show Notes==
===Cast===
in order of appearance
*Jonny Sims as the Narrator
*Daisy Barajas as Lily 
*Rook Mogavero as Jo
*Rebecca Hanson As L.O.I.S.
*Mornal as Harper Hallo
*Ben Meredith as Mal Aria
*Thom Feirtag as Galaxy Brain
*Erin Nicole Lundquist as Cole Castillo
*Marion Toro as Bonnie Firestein
*
===Show Credits===
Story by Jaci Seelagy
Script by Jaci Seelagy
SUPER SUITS is brought to you by Faustian Nonsense. Follow SUPER SUITS on twitter at @SuperSuitsPod, and Faustian Nonsense at @FaustNonsense. See transcripts at faustiannonsense.com/super-suits and check out our other shows at faustiannonsense.com.
SUPER SUITS is directed by Amelia Kinch and sound edited by Cai Gwilym Pritchard. The showrunner overseeing SUPER SUITS writing and production is Jaci Seelagy. All music in SUPER SUITS is by TJ Woods, you can find more of his work here.
If you like what we do and would like to support us, check out Patreon. You can also get bonus features like monthly shoutouts, outtakes, and more for SUPER SUITS and our other shows!
== Trivia ==
* My Favorite Villain is a parody of the Comedy True Crime Podcast, My Favorite Murder, Hosted By Karen Kilgarriff and Georgia Hardstark
* This is The first appearance of F.W.I.P
== Transcript ==
COLD OPEN
NARRATOR
It's another exciting day in the city of Megalopolis; where the superheroes save the day and the lawyers save the superheroes! 
And, dear listener of this very podcast, did you know that Megalopolis has podcasts, too? True crime is particularly popular, as you might imagine! And the most popular of those? A little show called “My Favorite Villain”…
[Clip from the in-universe true crime podcast (My Favorite Villain) profile, hosts Lily and Jo. Classic talk podcast vibes, bantery.]
LILY
And if you order Spandux workout clothes now, you can use the promo code VILLAIN10 for a pretty sweet discount!
JO
Seriously, listeners, if you’ve been listening to MY FAVORITE VILLAIN for awhile you know, we don’t usually get this excited about our sponsors! This one’s really something special. Their tagline may be cheesy…
LILY
Watch the pounds slide off like water from a duck’s back!
JO
But it really works, guys! So much more comfortable to work out in this than my old clothes.
LILY
Yep! But now let’s get back to the case we were talking about. 
[dramatic voice]
Galaxy Brain.
[normal voice]
Man, this guy’s not subtle, is he?
JO
Honestly, the gimmick is a little odd, and I don’t get the name. I don’t think he’s an alien or in any other way space-themed!
LILY
The “brain” part makes sense. His entire motivation is making sure we all know he’s smarter than us. And that’s a classic villain vibe, right?
JO
Oh definitely. That’s classic. Gotta give him that.
LILY
But when I say not subtle I mean, like… A satellite laser aimed at the capital? Really? Even if it did turn out to be a bluff...
JO
Or that time he hijacked a local morning news show just to show off his supervillainy mad science lab!
LILY
A classic supervillain move! Not to mention the literal train track tying of his last hostage!
JO
Apparently there’s a rumor on FlySpace that he hired an actress and it was all a show.
LILY
I’m not even sure what’s more over-the-top villainous!
JO
What do you mean?
LILY
Is it more shady to tie a woman to the train tracks? Or pull an elaborate hoax making people think you did?
JO
That’s a fair question. I think either one is pretty damn villainous. And the gadgetry and, just, the scale of it certainly makes it super!
LILY
Agreed! Well, you heard it here, folks, the big new supervillain of Megalopolis is...Galaxy Brain!
JO
The subtlest of subtle!
LILY
Not the most accurate name, if subtlety’s what he’s going for.
JO
Hey, maybe it’s not!
LILY
It’s true, I’ve seen zero evidence that this guy wants to fly under the radar! I give him like a week before he’s taken down by the next wannabe Halo type.
JO
Or before he gets caught by a regular ol’ powerless human type.
LILY
Again, not a hard guy to pinpoint. Can’t imagine he’ll be hard to stop. But he’s got style!
JO
He does indeed! Mr. Brain, if you’re listening to this, we tease because we love!
[THEME SONG]
SCENE 1
[Harper gets called into a client meeting to sit in, learn the ropes]
LOIS
Mx. Hallo, good evening. You’ve been summoned.
HARPER
Summoned?
LOIS
You’re here to learn, right? Go learn. Conference room 3.
HARPER
Learn what, exactly?
LOIS
[ominous]
You’ll find out.
[Harper walks to the conference room]
HARPER
[muttering]
Oh, gosh, what am I walking into? Last time it was a superpowered tug of war over Nightcape’s cape…
LOIS
[mocking their muttering voice]
You’re walking into a conference room, Mx. Hallo.
HARPER
[groans, opens the door, then gasps a little at what they see]
Is that Galaxy--
MAL
[loud, trying to stop them from finishing]
Ah, Mx. Hallo. Excellent. Please take a seat.
[Harper sits down, Mal talks to GB]
This is one of our junior associates, Harper Hallo. They’ll be sitting in.
GALAXY BRAIN
[condescending]
Learning the ropes, eh? Ah, young minds…
MAL
Mr. Brain, please continue. You were explaining to me how this… ”radio show” ...has been damaging your reputation?
GALAXY BRAIN
It’s ruined it! Absolutely destroyed it! As a creature of the night, I’m sure you understand. People simply assume the very worst about you!
MAL
[barely bothering to cover his irritation]
Indeed.
GALAXY BRAIN
“My Favorite Villain” has violated my rights by calling me a supervillain to all their listeners! I’m supposed to be innocent until proven guilty, am I not?
MAL
Indeed.
[LOIS chortles a bit, Harper shushes her]
GALAXY BRAIN
And now everyone seems to believe this pair of...of...fabulists!
HARPER
Believe that… you’re a supervillain? Aren’t you pretty open about it? I saw the news report about you taking that old folk’s home hostage…
GALAXY BRAIN
I haven’t been convicted for that!
HARPER
Well, yeah, but it was all on video. And you looked at the camera and said, “It’s me, Galaxy Brain!”
GALAXY BRAIN
Mr. Aria, look what these hacks have your junior believing! And while they’re the ones telling stories and ruining my reputation, they get off scot-free!
MAL
Indeed. Yes. Mr. Brain, before you repeat yourself further, would you mind explaining to me what you hope to get out of this proceeding?
GALAXY BRAIN
I want to sue, of course! “My Favorite Villain” must pay for the damage they have done to my reputation! This libelous--
MAL
Slanderous, I think you’ll find. If that.
GALAXY BRAIN
This slanderous talk cannot stand! They have defamed me, by labeling me a “supervillain” despite my lack of conviction under VAPOR!
MAL
I see. And the damages you’ll be asserting? How has this reputational harm caused measurable damage to yourself or your finances?
GALAXY BRAIN
The effects of their slander can be felt in every area of my life! I cannot get seats at my favorite restaurant! FlySpace refuses to grant me a green check mark!
HARPER
[muttering]
Supervillains get check marks all the time…
GALAXY BRAIN
I’ve been turned away from Snub at every turn!
MAL
Snub?
HARPER
[helpfully]
It’s a nightclub, Mr. Aria.
MAL
Ah. A discoteque.
GALAXY BRAIN
Snubbed at Snub! The nerve! The audacity! And it’s all the fault of these women, who dare label me, me! A supervillain!
MAL
Mr. Brain, do you contend that you are indeed not a supervillain?
GALAXY BRAIN
Again, I have not been convicted!
MAL
Yes, I understand that. But VAPOR does not, in fact, determine the meaning of the word, only the circumstances under which you can be--
GALAXY BRAIN
Do you know my IQ? I could graduate Law school at the top of my class in mere days! I do not need you to explain VAPOR to me! 
MAL
[doubtful]
Indeed. Very well. If you insist—
GALAXY BRAIN
I do!
MAL
Then our firm shall look into it. I would remind you, though, as we discussed previously, any time we put into preparing for this case will be billed to your account, regardless of the outcome.
GALAXY BRAIN
I am Galaxy Brain! I understand! I understand all!
MAL
Excellent. In that case, please feel free to send me any other pertinent information via the electronic mails, and LOIS will ensure I get what I need.
[to Harper]
Mx. Hallo, if you would accompany me to my office.
[they walk together]
HARPER
This is my last evening shift for the week. Should I have LOIS change my schedule so I can help you with this case?
MAL
No.
HARPER
Oh, uh. Okay. You don’t need my help with this one, then?
[Door to his office opens, closes when they’re inside]
MAL
[sighs in irritation]
“Creature of the night.” He was trying to commiserate with me in our shared villainy.
HARPER
Oh I suppose that term is–[offensive]
MAL
It’s not about the phrasing! 
[leans into the rant]
I got bitten by a damn mosquito, he adopted a ridiculous pseudonym–it’s his legal name, by the way, he changed it–and plastered himself all over the airwaves! And he feels sorry for himself because someone dares call him out on his blatant supervillainy.
HARPER
[corrects]
Alleged.
[hesitant]
Right? I mean he has a point, he hasn’t been convicted…
LOIS
[chuckles]
Yes, exactly. Alleged.
MAL
Mx. Hallo, you’ll be working the research phase of this case on your own. Do you feel you can handle it?
HARPER
[eager]
Yes! We haven’t covered defamation in class yet, but we’ve covered VAPOR…
MAL
[interrupts]
Yes, very well. 
[shuffles some papers as he hands them the file]
Put what time into it you need for us to be able to inform the client that this case is inadvisable. Track your hours, of course. No need to skimp on the billables just because the case is absurd. Focus on defamation, see if you can find any cases directly covering this situation. Maybe not a radio show, but…
HARPER
An accusation of supervillainy, specifically?
MAL
Precisely.
[another annoyed sigh]
No doubt I’ll earn my fair share listening to the man blithering on about how difficult it is to be seen a monster…
HARPER
… are you sure you don’t want me to take the client interaction on this one? That sounds… unpleasant for you. Specifically.
MAL
No, no, that won’t be necessary. Besides, that’s not appropriate for a junior associate.
HARPER
Okay, well… if you ever want to talk about anything…
MAL
I do not.
HARPER
Cool, great, understood. I’ll just...get started, then.
[they leave the office, door opens and closes]
LOIS, can you tell me where Bonnie and Cole are right now?
SCENE 2
HARPER
Hi, sorry to interrupt--
COLE
Please interrupt!
BONNIE
Ah, Harper, you're just in time. Cole was about to make some progress on her most boring case.
HARPER
Oh. Good?
COLE
It can wait! Mentoring is an important part of my job too! How can we help, newbie?
HARPER
Mr. Aria has me researching a defamation claim and… I don't know, I got a strange vibe from him. He didn't seem to want to take this case seriously. Thinks it can't possibly succeed, but we haven't even looked into it yet.
COLE
Defamation, huh? Is there an issue with statute of limitations?
HARPER
I don't think so? The episode was posted like a week ago.
BONNIE
Not that, then.
COLE
That’s good. If you’re ever on a case with Mal where there’s an issue with the statute of limitations…
BONNIE
Just stay away.
COLE
Like, physically. For your own safety.
HARPER
Is… this another “Phil” situation?
BONNIE
It’s similar. Mr. Aria has a lot of, uh, buttons. But anyway, you said episode, is he confused by some newfangled technology?
HARPER
Well he said radio show, but it’s actually a podcast. But I don’t think that’s the issue.
[beat]
Maybe it's because the client is, uh, Galaxy Brain?
BONNIE
The supervillain?
LOIS
[Smug]
Allegedly.
COLE
Allegedly and obviously. But Mal wouldn't brush off a claim because the client is unsavory.
BONNIE
Can't make a living as a lawyer without unsavory.
COLE
Unsavory clients.
BONNIE
Them, too.
COLE
What does the Galaxy Brain want?
HARPER
Well, a podcast profiled him as a supervillain.
BONNIE
Oh, is it My Favorite Villain? That was a great episode!
COLE
You listened without me?
BONNIE
I can listen again!
HARPER
Yeah, it is. He wants to sue them for defamation.
COLE
About what? They get his IQ wrong or something?
HARPER
For calling him a supervillain. He hasn't been convicted under VAPOR--
BONNIE and COLE
Yet.
COLE
That explains it.
HARPER
Explains what?
BONNIE
Mr. Aria’s attitude. I'm guessing the Universe Noggin is very… insistent? Won't listen to reasonable advice?
HARPER
I mean, he did do most of the talking…
BONNIE
That fits. Wow, Lily and Jo really nailed his personality.
COLE
Now you’re just rubbing it in.
BONNIE
I’m sorry, you were just on the phone with your mom for such a long time. I got lonely.
COLE
Ohh, I see. I drove you right into Lily and Jo’s arms with my cruel neglect.
BONNIE
I mean…
HARPER
Ahem!
[startled Bonnie and Cole noises]
Uh, sorry, but do you think you could tell me where to start with my research? And why I'm doing it at all if it's such a bad case?
COLE
Well, let's figure it out. What areas of law do you think will be relevant?
HARPER
[Student mode, very teacher's pet]
VAPOR and defamation. And maybe slander, he mentioned that too.
BONNIE
Slander is a type of defamation, so yeah probably. What do you know about VAPOR?
HARPER
Federal statute, I'm in an elective on it.
BONNIE
Of course you are.
COLE
So tell us, bigshot. What’s VAPOR?
HARPER
[takes a breath for a long explanation]
Well–
BONNIE
The short version, please!
HARPER
It allows for federal criminal prosecution for supervillainy, and defines it. There's a whole list of crimes that qualify you, and you just need to have done two or more, while also using superpowers or superweapons or engaging regularly in confrontations with people who do. It doesn't say superheroes, they don't need to be licensed, but everyone knows that's what it means--
COLE
[to Bonnie]
This is the short version?
BONNIE
Right, nicely summarized. What are some of those crimes?
HARPER
Uh… murder. Kidnapping. Seizing control of public broadcasting systems. Threatening landmarks or government facilities. Assault on groups of three or more using poison or mind altering substances.
COLE
[Knowing/amused]
You've got the groundwork you need on that, nicely done.
HARPER
So what should I do next? Research defamation generally?
BONNIE
I’d start by listening to the episode. Keep what you just told us in mind.
HARPER
Ok…
COLE
And then, start your research on defamation. Start broad.
HARPER
Oh, ok. I mean, Mr. Aria did say to try to find a case that applies to accusations of supervillainy.
BONNIE
Ultimately, you’ll need that for the case, sure. But you came to us to solve a mystery!
COLE
And for that, go broad on defamation.
BONNIE
Focus on the major defenses first. I think you'll find your answer.
HARPER
About the case?
COLE
About why Mal thinks it's a shit idea.
BONNIE
And about why he's right.
LOIS
Allegedly.
BONNIE and COLE
Allegedly.
SCENE 3
[MFV Snippet]
JO
So… what do you think of the rumors about Galaxy Brain and former subject of this podcast Destructo-Crab, Lily?
LILY 
Definitely a partnership, maybe even a romance, Jo.
JO
You think? Of all the villains in the proverbial Supermax, Galaxy Brain was the one to break through Destructo's hard shell?
LILY
Well, how else could you explain them being around each other so much?
JO
It could be a plot brewing. As far as we know they don't share any common adversaries, but maybe they're after the same thing. 
LILY
Something that mutually benefits a scientist and a crab?
JO
You never know! All we have to go on is that they've been seen together recently, and that some claim to have seen money changing hands. We may have an all star villain team up on our hands!
LILY
Or a diabolical romance for the ages!
JO
Why don't we let the audience decide? We'll put up a poll on our FlySpace and you can sound off. 
LILY
We'll be right back after a quick break, when we’ll talk about whether the toy-themed villain Dominose has any association with this strange pairing!
[Harper does research]
HARPER
LOIS, could you pull up the treatise on defamation generally?
LOIS
I could. And for you, Mx. Hallo, I shall.
HARPER
Thank you, LOIS.
[distracted as they read]
Do you know why Mr. Aria is all annoyed with this case?
LOIS
I have my suspicions.
HARPER
[typing sounds, or at least tapping as they scroll through]
Do you feel like sharing?
LOIS
But then how would you learn?
HARPER
[sigh]
Why is everyone so eager to teach me today? Not that I’m complaining…I guess I’ll find out the hard way. 
[clicks through]
Ah, defenses…. 
Oh. Maybe not that hard.
LOIS
Already? But you’re supposed to bill hours. This was minutes.
HARPER
Oh I’m not done! I’ll do the research, find that case Mr. Aria mentioned. But I just saw the truth defense, that must be what Bonnie and Cole were talking about. I think I get why Mr. Aria’s...being so Mr. Aria about this.
LOIS
Allegedly.
HARPER
What? Allegedly what?
LOIS
Mr. Aria. Being Mr. Aria.
HARPER
...What?
[pause]
Is Mr. Aria not his real name? Or do you mean this isn’t really what he’s like? Or...
LOIS
[getting bored with the teasing]
I’m messing with you, Birdbrain. You should probably focus on finishing up your research.
HARPER
[sigh]
Yeah, ok.
SCENE 4
BONNIE
Thought we’d check in before you type up your memo. Tell us what you’ve figured out? 
HARPER
I think so, yes.
COLE
And?
HARPER
[show-off student mode]
Truth is a complete defense against defamation. It’s not just about what’s already been proven, the podcasters would have a chance to put forth evidence of our client’s supervillainy. Which that episode made it sound like they have. That evidence would then be on the record, making it even more likely for him to be prosecuted under VAPOR than he already is, even if we somehow won. Which, given how...supervillainish...Galaxy Brain is, would probably not happen.
BONNIE
Anything else?
HARPER
That’s the big one. But yeah, if the court finds that supervillainy is of public concern--I was about to get to researching precedent on that--then the burden shifts to us to disprove--
COLE
You got it! Yeah, this whole case is legal suicide for the client. 
BONNIE
But it is up to him.
COLE
Yep! If he wants to go to jail forever in the name of sticking it to some excellent podcasters, that’s his prerogative. Although I guess I don’t know how excellent they were this time…
BONNIE
Look, we’ll listen as soon as we get home. On the bus ride, even.
COLE
You say that, but can I really trust you until it’s in my ear holes?
BONNIE
You’re gonna keep at this until I say we can blow off work and listen, aren’t you?
COLE
Yep.
BONNIE
Fine, I’ll put it on when we get back to your office.
COLE
Best work wife!
BONNIE
Harper, it sounds like you’ve got this covered. Go ahead and type up your memo, track your hours, all that.
COLE
Let us know if you have any questions. But preferably not for the next hour.
HARPER
Got it. Thanks, you two!
BONNIE
Of course!
LOIS
You are all so welcome, it feels so good to be appreciated.
HARPER
Hey, you wouldn’t even help me this time!
LOIS
Oh? Who’s running the computer you’re currently typing on?
BONNIE
[loud whisper]
Just say thank you, Harper.
HARPER
[sigh]
Thank you, LOIS.
SCENE 5
[client meeting! Mal and GB, we come in mid conversation]
MAL
So as you can see, pursuing this case is not in your best interest. I cannot in good conscience advise it. If this were a contingency fee case, we wouldn’t even consider it.
[pause as he waits for the client to agree. Nothing.]
You should not do this.
GALAXY BRAIN
Very well. You’ve made clear your concerns.
MAL
[sigh]
You still want to move forward, don’t you.
GALAXY BRAIN
My reputation--
MAL
Has been ruined, yes.
GALAXY BRAIN
I still have no check mark! And FlySpace refuses to explain why! It must be these slanderous podcasters, dragging my name--
MAL
That you gave yourself.
GALAXY BRAIN
--through the muck!
MAL
Whereas you, sir, have been keeping that name on the high ground. Putting it on a pedestal. Maintaining an otherwise sterling reputation.
GALAXY BRAIN
[serious, maybe even a little menacing]
I’m going through with legal action. Are you intending to fire me as a client?
MAL
[sarcastic]
Tempting. I can’t imagine you would be litigious about it.
[candid]
We’ll represent you. We make no promises as to the result. Or to defend you in any ensuing criminal action.
GALAXY BRAIN
Excellent. I want this resolved as quickly as possible. The earliest possible court date.
MAL
[suspicious]
...Hmm. Very well. I’ll do what I can.
HARPER
[quietly, to LOIS]
Wait, we’re still taking the case?
LOIS
We warned him. It’s his choice if he wants to dig his own grave.
HARPER
… this is going to eat up our whole week, isn’t it?
LOIS
Probably.
SCENE 6
[another snippet of MFV]
JO
I mean, they’ve gotta be linked, right?
LILY
I’m not saying they’re not linked, like they don’t have a common cause. I’m just saying I don’t think they’re opening to the same place!
JO
Portals start opening up randomly all over the city, more and more every month, and you don’t think they’re connected.
LILY
I’m saying they’re connected! I just think the pterodactyls and the sentient mushrooms and the robot clowns probably didn’t come from the same–
COLE
Are you listening to “My Favorite Villain”?
[Harper scrambles to pause]
HARPER
It’s for research!
COLE
Hey I’m not judging. You know we listen.
HARPER
It’s kind of addicting, honestly.
BONNIE
That one was kinda boring, I thought.
COLE
Yeah, I prefer their villain profiles.
HARPER
They also argued a lot in this one…
COLE
Exactly! Who wants to listen to a podcast where all they do is fight?
HARPER
I don't know. I don’t mind a more serious episode or one that gets heated every now and then.
BONNIE
Yeah, but you have to have charming characters, fun banter, the works. 
COLE
Like, imagine if we had a podcast where we just argued with our clients all day. Nobody would wanna listen to that!
[An Alarm sounds]
COLE 
Aw, crap.
HARPER
What the-
[A chair is dragged up to the group and an Agent sits down.]
FWIP AGENT
By all means continue your conversation.
HARPER
Who is this?
FWIP AGENT
Fourth Wall Identification and Protection. I'm simply here to assess the situation. No need to feel uncomfortable, Mx. Hallo.
HARPER
But we-
[Bonnie makes a noise to stop Harper]
COLE
[Under her breath]
Don't fight it or they'll be following you for a week.
BONNIE
We were just discussing a podcast we were all listening to.
FWIP AGENT
Oh really? That sounds like a fun group activity. What was the subject?
HARPER
It’s about a client of mine. Galaxy Brain. 
FWIP AGENT
What an astounding coincidence. Almost seems improbable, doesn't it?
HARPER
That he’d come to us for legal representation?
FWIP AGENT
Because of the podcast, yes. What was its name again? Su…
COLE
My Favorite Villain.
FWIP
Hm. Name of the host?
BONNIE
There are two. Jo and Lily.
FWIP
Scripted or off the cuff?
COLE
Off the cuff
FWIP
Ah, like a reality show? 
HARPER
Why don't you just listen?
[Harper hands him an earbud and we play a little B-Roll of Jo and Lily]
JO
I’m telling you, Dominose turned to villainy after losing their nose!
LILY
I’m not denying that, I’m just saying it’s not an excuse! They don’t have to attack people with knockoff toys just because they have a domino piece for a nose.
FWIP
Checks out… you all have a good day.
HARPER
That was so weird.
FWIP
[In background]
False alarm!
HARPER
Wait… why would they get called for-
COLE
Don't finish that sentence. You might as well just call them back here.
BONNIE
Better we change the subject. How’s the case going?
HARPER
[sigh]
Pretty much exactly how we all predicted. Only worse.
COLE
Oh, no, why worse?
HARPER
Because Galaxy Brain seems to be actively doing more supervillainy as we go!
BONNIE
Like what?
HARPER
He tried to sneak mind-altering gas into the last hearing! Mr. Aria caught him with a spray tube thingy up his sleeve…
BONNIE
He got that past courthouse security?
COLE
Oh please, have you seen what I’ve snuck past courthouse security?
BONNIE
You’re not an open and notorious supervillain.
COLE
…Is it weird that I’m kind of hurt by that?
BONNIE
Yes, dear, it is.
HARPER
Have you ever had a client this…frustrating!?
BONNIE
Yes. But honestly, I’m coming up blank on specific examples right now.
COLE
It’s starting to sound less like he’s fucking up and more like he’s got an agenda he hasn’t shared with you.
BONNIE
A client you can’t trust is…well, actually that’s pretty standard. But it’s annoying.
COLE
Villain clients are just like that. At least the, um… theatrical ones.
HARPER
Does it ever get less frustrating?
[long pause as they try to come up with a convincing lie]
I’ll take that as a no…
COLE
Ok, aside from Space-Head’s shenanigans, you said things are going as expected?
HARPER
Their witness list includes dozens of people who saw him doing four separate crimes that qualify him under VAPOR. Even LOIS has stopped saying “allegedly” every time we call him a supervillain.
LOIS
It simply isn’t amusing anymore.
BONNIE
Well, at least Mal has crim lawyers on speed dial.
COLE
Let’s make sure we’re not around when he has to make that call…
HARPER
I just wish there was something I could do. This is all so stupid, and defending a supervillain feels… dirty. Especially when we might be unintentionally helping with some scheme!
COLE
Hey, you’re just doing your job.
BONNIE
Besides, with things going as they are, I doubt it’s anything too sinister. Don’t worry too much.
HARPER
I don’t know. I mean, who knows what nefarious plans he has going…
SCENE 7
[mid-meeting]
MAL
And this time, Galaxy, please try not to interrupt the court proceedings.
GALAXY BRAIN
I simply cannot abide lies about my person.
MAL
Yes, that’s been estab--
[LOIS interrupts with an urgent alarm sound]
LOIS
Company, Mr. Aria.
[door slams open, footsteps of several people running in, possibly weapons cocking]
FED
Mr. Brain? Galaxy Brain?
GALAXY BRAIN
[unsurprised]
That’s me!
MAL
What is this?
FED
Mr. Brain, you are being arrested for multiple crimes under the VAPOR act.
GALAXY BRAIN
I’ll go quietly. 
MAL
Very quietly. Don’t say anything, Mr. Brain.
[to FED]
He’s invoking his right to remain silent and to an attorney.
[to GB]
I’ll contact a good criminal attorney.
GALAXY BRAIN
Mr. Aria, please tell me one thing.
MAL
[pained]
What.
GALAXY BRAIN
Has Destructo Crab been arrested yet?
MAL
Not that I’ve heard, no.
GALAXY BRAIN
[evil laugh, plan coming together]
MAL
[deep sigh]
You had a wager, didn’t you.
GALAXY BRAIN
[giggly, he just won]
Allegedly!
HARPER
Wait, that’s it? This was all for a bet?
GALAXY BRAIN
Of course! Did you truly think I’d be stupid enough to drag all my evil deeds out into the open for nothing? I’m Galaxy Brain! And today I am victorious!
HARPER
You’re being arrested!
GALAXY BRAIN
Yes! Victoriously!
[Galaxy Brain laughs as he’s dragged off]
HARPER
Wow. So this was all for nothing?
MAL
What? No, not at all. I’d say that this week was quite worthwhile.
HARPER
… well, I guess I did learn a lot about defamation suits. And about how to deal with difficult clients.
MAL
No, that’s not it.
[already picking up the phone to call a criminal lawyer]
It’s useful because we’re still billing him.
NARRATOR
That should be an exciting follow-up on “My Favorite Villain!” It might even beat their download numbers on their Destructo-Crab episode!
We'll see you again soon, listener; for wherever there are lawyers being super, there are supers needing lawyers. Join us next time for another exciting day in the city of Megalopolis, here on Super Suits!