Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory/Transcript

(Kids run from school to the Candy Shop.)
1. BILL'S CANDY SHOP
(Kids enter, yelling.)
KIDS: (yelling) Sizzler! I want a Sizzler!
BILL: All right, all right, all right, what's it going to
be? A triple cream cup for Christopher . . .
KIDS: (yelling) A Squelchy Snorter!
BILL: A Squelchy Snorter for Otis . . .
ONE KID: I want a Squelchy Snorter . . .
BILL: A Sizzler for June Marie . . .
ANOTHER KID: C'mon, give me a Sizzler . . .
BILL: And listen! Wonka's got a new one today.
KIDS: What is it?
BILL: This is called a Scrumdidilyumptious Bar.
WINKELMANN: (mispronouncing) Scrumbibilyunctious Bar? How
does he do it?
BILL: My dear boy, do you ask a fish how it swims?
WINKELMANN: No . . .
BILL: Or a bird how it flies?
WINKELMANN: No . . .
BILL: No sirree, you don't! They do it because they were
born to do it. Just like Willy Wonka was born to be a candy
man, you look like you were born to be a Wonkarer.
WHO CAN TAKE A SUNRISE
SPRINKLE IT WITH DEW
COVER IT IN CHOCOLATE AND A MIRACLE OR TWO?
THE CANDY MAN
THE CANDY MAN CAN
THE CANDY MAN CAN 'CAUSE HE MIXES IT WITH LOVE
AND MAKES THE WORLD TASTE GOOD
WHO CAN TAKE A RAINBOW
WRAP IT IN A SIGH
SOAK IT IN THE SUN AND MAKE A STRAWBERRY LEMON PIE?
KIDS:
THE CANDY MAN?
BILL:
THE CANDY MAN
THE CANDY MAN CAN
THE CANDY MAN CAN 'CAUSE HE MIXES IT WITH LOVE
AND MAKES THE WORLD TASTE GOOD
KIDS: Me! Me!
BILL:
WILLY WONKA MAKES
EVERYTHING HE BAKES
SATISFYING AND DELICIOUS
TALK ABOUT YOUR CHILDHOOD WISHES
YOU CAN EVEN EAT THE DISHES
WHO CAN TAKE TOMORROW
DIP IT IN A DREAM
SEPARATE THE SORROW AND COLLECT UP ALL THE CREAM?
THE CANDY MAN
KIDS:
WILLY WONKA CAN
BILL:
THE CANDY MAN CAN
THE CANDY MAN CAN 'CAUSE HE MIXES IT WITH LOVE
AND MAKES THE WORLD TASTE GOOD
AND THE WORLD TASTES GOOD
'CAUSE THE CANDY MAN THINKS IT SHOULD . . .
2. ON THE STREET
(Charlie has been watching through the window. He
walks away, toward Mr. Jopeck's newsstand.)
CHARLIE: Hi, Mr. Jopeck.
JOPECK: Ah, come along, Charlie; you're late.
CHARLIE: It's payday, Mr. Jopeck.
JOPECK: You're right. (He pays Charlie.) There you are.
CHARLIE: Thanks.
JOPECK: Say hello to your Grandpa Joe.
CHARLIE: Okay.
(Charlie delivers the papers.)
3. WONKA'S FACTORY GATES
(Charlie stands outside the gates looking at the 
factory.)
TINKER:
Up the airy mountain
Down the rushing glen
We dare not go a-hunting
For fear of little men.
You see: Nobody ever goes in, . . . and nobody ever
comes out!
4. BUCKETS' HOUSE
GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: Charlie's late.
GRANDPA JOE: He works too hard for a little boy. He should
have some time to play.
MRS. BUCKET: Not enough hours in the day. With the four of
you bedridden for the past twenty years, it takes a lot of
work to keep this family going.
GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: If only his father were alive.
GRANDPA JOE: Soon as I get my strength back, I'm gonna get
out of this bed and help him.
MRS. BUCKET: Dad, in all the years you've been saying you're
going to get out of that bed, I've yet to see you set foot
on the floor.
GRANDPA JOE: Well . . . maybe if the floor wasn't so cold.
(Charlie enters.)
CHARLIE: Hi, everybody!
GRANDPA JOE: Wake up!
GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: Wake up!
GRANDPA JOE: Wake up; Charlie's home!
CHARLIE: Grandpa George. (He kisses him.) Grandma
Georgina. (Kisses her.) Grandma Josephine. (Kisses her.) 
Grandpa Joe. (Kisses him. Looks at Joe's bowl of cabbage
water.) Is this your supper, Grandpa?
GRANDPA JOE: Well, it's yours too, Charlie.
CHARLIE: I'm fed up with cabbage water. It's not enough!
GRANDMA GEORGINA: Charlie!
GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: It's all we have.
GRANDPA JOE: What are you saying?
CHARLIE: How about this? (Produces a loaf of bread.)
MRS. BUCKET: Charlie, where'd you get that?
GRANDPA JOE: What difference does it make where he got it? 
Point is: he got it.
CHARLIE: It's my first payday.
MRS. BUCKET: Good for you, Charlie. We'll have a real
banquet.
CHARLIE: Mom . . .? Here's what's left. You keep it. 
Except for this. From now on, I'm going to pay for your
tobacco.
GRANDPA JOE: No one's going to pay for it, Charlie. I'm
giving it up.
MRS. BUCKET: Come on, Dad, it's only one pipe a day.
GRANDPA JOE: When a loaf of bread looks like a banquet, I've
no right buying tobacco.
CHARLIE: Go on, Grandpa. Please take it.
5. BUCKET'S HOUSE - LATER THAT NIGHT
CHARLIE: After I finished my paper route, I was in front of
Wonka's. There was this strange man there. I think he was
a tinker. He was standing right behind me, looking up at
the factory. Just before he left he said, "Nobody ever goes
in, and nobody ever comes out."
GRANDPA JOE: And right he was, Charlie. Not since the
tragic day that Willy Wonka locked it.
CHARLIE: Why'd he lock it?
GRANDPA JOE: Because all the other chocolate makers in the
world were sending in spies--dressed as workers!--to steal
Mr. Wonka's secret recipes. Especially Slugworth . . . oh,
that Slugworth, he was the worst! Finally Mr. Wonka
shouted, "I shall be ruined! Close the factory!" And
that's just what he did. He locked the gates and vanished
completely. And then suddenly, about three years later, the
most amazing thing happened. The factory started working
again, full blast! And more delicious candies were coming
out than ever before. But the gates stayed locked so that
no one, not even Mr. Slugworth, could steal them.
CHARLIE: But Grandpa, someone must be helping Mr. Wonka work
the factory.
GRANDPA JOE: Thousands must be helping him.
CHARLIE: But who? Who are they?
GRANDPA JOE: That is the biggest mystery of them all.
6. SCHOOL
MR. TURKENTINE: Charlie Bucket.
CHARLIE: Yes, Mr. Turkentine?
MR. TURKENTINE: I shall need an assistant. Come and give me
a hand. 
(Charlie joins him at the front.)
We have here nitric acid, glycerin, and a special mixture of
my own. Together it's horrible, dangerous stuff; blows you
up. But mixed together in the right way, as only I know
how, what do you think it makes?
CHARLIE: I don't know, sir.
MR. TURKENTINE: Of course you don't know. You don't know
because only I know. If you knew and I didn't know, then
you'd be teaching me instead of me teaching you. And for a
student to teach his teacher is presumptuous and rude. Do
I make myself clear?
CHARLIE: Yes, sir.
(The students laugh.)
MR. TURKENTINE: Good. Now, mixed together in the right way,
these three highly dangerous ingredients make the finest
wart remover in the world. The trick is to pour them in, in
equal amounts. Now, Charlie, you take the nitric acid and
the glycerin, and I'll take my own special mixture. You
ready? Good lad: pour.
(They pour; the mixture emits a small boom and a large
puff of smoke. The kids cheer.)
CHARLIE: Did we do it wrong?
MR. TURKENTINE: No, certainly not; this is for very big
warts.
(Commotion in the hall.)
KID #1 (O.C.): I'm gonna get there first. Get out of my
way.
MR. TURKENTINE: Now what's goin' on out there?
KID #2 (O.C.): I hope there's still some left.
(Mr. Turkentine opens the door.)
MR. TURKENTINE: You, Winkelmann, come here. What's
happening?
WINKELMANN: Willy Wonka's opening his factory; he's gonna
let people in.
MR. TURKENTINE: Are you sure?
WINKELMANN: It's on the radio. And he's giving truckloads
of chocolate away.
MR. TURKENTINE: Class dismissed!
WINKELMANN: No, no, it's only for five people.
MR. TURKENTINE: Class un-dismissed.
WINKELMANN: He's hidden five Golden Tickets, and the people
who find 'em will win the big prize.
MR. TURKENTINE: Where's he hidden the tickets?
WINKELMANN: Inside five Wonka Bars! You gotta buy Wonka
Bars to find 'em!
MR. TURKENTINE: Class re-dismissed!
KID #3 (O.C.): I'll meet you downstairs.
KID #4 (O.C.): I'm gonna buy the whole store!
(Commotion continues; kids saying, "I'm gonna . . ."
fades into the general wash of noise.)
7. NEWSROOM
TV NEWSMAN: And now, details on the sudden announcement that
has captured the attention of entire world. Hidden among
the countless billions of Wonka Bars are five Golden Tickets. 
And to the five people who find them will come the most
fabulous prize one could wish for: a lifetime supply of
chocolate.
8. BUCKETS' HOUSE
TV NEWSMAN (on TV): (continuous) And as if this were not
enough, each winner before he receives his prize will be
personally escorted through the top secret chocolate factory
. . .
GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: (on "escorted") They're all crazy!
GRANDPA JOE: Sssshhh! The man's a genius! He'll sell a
million bars.
TV NEWSMAN: (continuous) . . . by the mythical Willy Wonka
himself. The amount of chocolate involved in this
competition has relighted*** the imagination to incite***
candy eaters and all citizens around the world.
CHARLIE: (on "involved") Grandpa, do you think I've got a
chance to find one?
GRANDPA JOE: One? I'm counting on you to find all five!
CHARLIE: One's enough for me.
9. NEWS MONTAGE
TV NEWSMAN: (continuous) Already we have reports coming in
that the response is phenomenal. Wonka Bars are beginning
to disappear from candy store shelves at a rate to boggle
the mind. Truly it is incredible the way that Wonkamania
has descended upon the globe. While the world searches, we
watch and wait, wondering where the pursuit will lead and
how long the spirit of man will hold up under the strain.
10. PSYCHIATRIST'S OFFICE
HOFSTEDDER: I'm still having these dreams, Doctor, and I
still can't stop myself from believing them.
DOCTOR: I've told, Mr. Hofstedder, to believe in one's
dreams is a manifestation of insanity. And the sooner you
accept this, the sooner you will get well.
HOFSTEDDER: But I dreamed the Archangel appeared and
whispered into my ear and told me where to find a Golden
Wonka Ticket.
DOCTOR: And what exactly did he say?
HOFSTEDDER: Well what difference does that make? This was a
dream, a fantasy. I mean, you said just now--
DOCTOR: Shut up, Hofstedder, and tell me where the ticket
is!
11. NEWSROOM
ANCHORMAN: We began with five Golden Tickets like five lucky
bolts of lightning ready to strike without notice at any
point on the map. No one knew where, no one knew when the
first one would hit. But as you all know, last night we got
our answer. While we in America slept, the first golden
ticket was found in the small town of Duselheim, Germany. 
We've been waiting several hours for the follow-up story,
and we're finally ready with a live report.
12. DUSELHEIM
GERMAN BROADCASTER: Proud we are, for the attention of the
entire world focuses today right here in Duselheim, a
community suddenly thrust into prominence by the unexpected
discovery of the first Wonka Golden Ticket. Its lucky
finder is the son of our most prominent parve butcher. The
boy's name? Augustus Gloop. Augustus Gloop, the pride of
Duselheim, the fame of Western Germany, an example for the
whole world. Augustus, how does it make you feel to be the
first Golden Ticket finder?
AUGUSTUS: Hungry.
GERMAN BROADCASTER: Any other feelings?
AUGUSTUS: Feel sorry for Wonka. It's gonna cost him a
fortune in fudge.
GERMAN BROADCASTER: Mr. Gloop, would you mind saying--
(Mr. Gloop bites off the end of the microphone.)
GERMAN BROADCASTER: Mrs. Gloop, would you care to say a few
words to the television audience?
MRS. GLOOP: I just knew Augustus would find a Golden Ticket. 
Eating is his hobby, you know. We encourage him. He
wouldn't do it unless he needed the nourishment, would he? 
Anyway, it's all vitamins.
(As Mrs. Gloop speaks, a strange man [Slugworth]
whispers into Augustus' ear.)
13. BUCKETS' HOUSE
ALL: Happy Birthday, Charlie!
GRANDPA JOE: Happy Birthday.
MRS. BUCKET: Here you are, Charlie.
CHARLIE: Thank you. (Opens the present; it's a long red
scarf.) It's terrific.
MRS. BUCKET: We each knitted a bit: Grandma Georgina,
Grandma Josephine, and me.
GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: I did the end pieces with the little
tassels.
GRANDPA JOE: And here's a little gift from Grandpa George
and me.
CHARLIE: I think I know what this is. (Opens the gift; it's
a Wonka bar.) It is: a Wonka.
GRANDPA JOE: Open it, Charlie. Let's see that Golden
Ticket.
CHARLIE: Wouldn't that be fantastic?
MRS. BUCKET: It's not fair to raise his hopes.
GRANDPA JOE: Never mind. Go on, open it, Charlie. I want
to see that gold.
MRS. BUCKET: Stop it, Dad.
CHARLIE: I've got the same chance as anybody else, haven't
I?
GRANDPA JOE: You've got more, Charlie, because you want it
more. Go on, open it.
CHARLIE: Here goes. (He turns his back to them and opens
it.) I got it!
GRANDPA JOE: Where? Where?
GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: Let's see!
CHARLIE: Fooled you, didn't I. You thought I really had it.
GRANDPA JOE: Never mind, Charlie. You'll find one.
CHARLIE: Here, everybody have a bite.
GRANDPA JOE: No no no, you eat it.
GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: Certainly not.
GRANDMA GEORGINA: No no no no no.
14. SALT'S FACTORY
(Women are on the factory floor unwrapping Wonka Bars. 
The Salts are upstairs in an office.)
VERUCA: I wanted to be the first to find a Golden Ticket,
Daddy.
MR. SALT: I know, Angel. We're doin' the best we can. I've
got every girl on the bleeding staff huntin' for ya.
VERUCA: All right, where is it? Why haven't they found it?
MR. SALT: Veruca, sweetheart, I'm not a magician! Give me
time!
VERUCA: I want it now! What's the matter with those twerps
down there?
MR. SALT: For five days now the entire flipping factory's
been on the job. They haven't shelled a peanut in there
since Monday. They've been shellin' flaming chocolate bars
from dawn to dusk.
VERUCA: Make 'em work nights.
MR. SALT: (shouting down the stairs) Come along, come along,
you girls, put a jack in it or you'll be out on your ears,
every one of ya! And listen to this: the first girl that
finds a Golden Ticket gets a one pound bonus in her pay
bucket! What do you think of that?!
(The women scream and begin unwrapping more furiously.)
VERUCA: They're not even trying. They don't want to find
it. They're jealous of me.
MR. SALT: Sweetheart, I can't push 'em no harder. Nineteen
thousand bars an hour they're shelling. Seven hundred and
sixty thousand they've done so far.
VERUCA: You promised, Daddy! You promised I'd have it the
very first day!
MRS. SALT: You're goin' to be very unpopular around here,
Henry, if you don't deliver soon.
MR. SALT: It breaks my heart, Henrietta. I hate to see her
unhappy.
VERUCA: I won't talk to you ever again. You're a rotten,
mean father! You never give me anything I want! And I
won't go to school 'til I have it.
MR. SALT: Veruca, sweetheart, angel . . . Now. There are
only four tickets left in the whole world, and the whole
ruddy world's hunting for them! What can I do?!
WORKER: I got it! I got it, Mr. Salt, here it is!
VERUCA: It's about time too! I want it!
(Slugworth leads the worker up the stairs to Veruca.)
VERUCA: Gimme that ticket! It's mine! I've found a
Golden Ticket!
(Slugworth whispers in Veruca's ear.)
MR. SALT: Thank God for that.
MRS. SALT: Aye. Happiness is what counts with children. 
Happiness and harmony.
15. NEWS REPORT
REPORTER: This, ladies and gentlemen, is the sign of our
times . . . the symbol of the havoc, the mad craze that's
sweeping the world today. Whatever corner of the globe we
are in, whichever of the five continents we're on, the great
search for Wonka Bars continues. We're now nearing the end
of our forty-third day in the hunt for Golden Tickets, and
everywhere we're beginning to see signs of anxiety. Every
hour on the hour, new shipments are being sent to different
points around the globe, but they're just not moving fast
enough. And as time passes, the men who seek them become
more and more desperate.
16. COMPUTER LAB
TECHNICIAN: Gentlemen, I know how anxious you've all been
during these last few days, but now I think I can safely say
that your time and money have been well spent. We're about
to witness the greatest miracle of the machine age. Based
on the revolutionary Computonian Law of Probability, this
machine will tell us the precise location of the three
remaining Golden Tickets. (He punches computer buttons;
reads the card it emits) It says, "I won't tell. That
would be cheating." I am now telling the computer that, if
it will tell me the correct answer, I will gladly share with
it the grand prize. (Pushes buttons; reads card) He says,
"What would a computer do with a lifetime supply of
chocolate?" I am now telling the computer exactly what he
can do with a lifetime supply of chocolate.
17. MILES CITY, MONTANA
MONTANA REPORTER: And it can happen right here too,
unbelievable as it sounds, right here in America. Where
even in the smallest town, the happiest of dreams can come
true. Because folks, here she is, Miss Violet Beauregarde,
finder of Wonka's Golden Ticket Number Three, from Miles
City, Montana. And with her, the proud parents: Mr.
Beauregarde, a prominent local politician, a great civic
leader, a philosopher--
MR. BEAUREGARDE: (grabs microphone) Hi, folks, Sam
Beauregarde here, Square Deal Sam to you, with all of
today's great giveaway bargains. The finest values you'll
get anywhere in the entire country. Now this little number
right here's a four door sedan . . .
VIOLET: (on "number") Come on, Dad, they don't want you!
MONTANA REPORTER: (to Mr. Beauregarde) Thank you, sir. 
Violet, would you care to say a few words to the nation.
VIOLET: Sure I will. Here it is, Golden Ticket Number
Three, and it's all mine.
MONTANA REPORTER: Tell us how it happened, Violet.
VIOLET: Well I'm a gum-chewer, normally, but when I heard
about these ticket things of Wonka's I laid off the gum and
switched to candy bars instead. Now, of course, I'm right
back on gum. I chew it all day except at meal times when I
stick it behind my ear.
MRS. BEAUREGARDE: Violet . . .
VIOLET: Cool it, Mother. Now this piece of gum here is one
that I've been chewing on for three months solid, and that's
a world record! It's beaten the record held by my best
friend Miss Cornelia Prinzmetel, and was she mad! Hi,
Cornelia, how are you sweetie?
(Slugworth whispers in Violet's ear.)
MR. BEAUREGARDE: Let me just butt in here for a moment to
say that if any of you folks watching are dissatisfied with
your . . .
MONTANA REPORTER: Mister . . . just a minute . . . this
isn't . . .
18. LAUNDERER
MRS. BUCKET: Charlie, what are you doing here?
CHARLIE: I thought if you were ready, I'd walk you home.
MRS. BUCKET: I wish I were, but it looks like I'm gonna be
here late tonight.
CHARLIE: Oh, well, then I guess I'll be going.
MRS. BUCKET: Well why don't you stay a minute? Here, pull
up a pile of clothes and sit down. Everything all right at
school?
CHARLIE: Yep.
MRS. BUCKET: Good. Go on your newspaper route today?
CHARLIE: Just finished.
MRS. BUCKET: Good.
CHARLIE: I wanted to tell you something.
MRS. BUCKET: Oh?
CHARLIE: They found the third ticket today.
MRS. BUCKET: Did they?
CHARLIE: Yeah. Well . . . guess I'll be going now.
MRS. BUCKET: Is that all?
CHARLIE: Well I thought you'd like to know. Most people are
pretty interested. I know I'm interested. There are only
two tickets left you know. Just two. Pretty soon just one.
MRS. BUCKET: I wonder who the lucky ones will be.
CHARLIE: Well in case you're wondering if it'll be me, it
won't be. Just in case you're wondering, you can count me
out.
MRS. BUCKET: Charlie . . . there are a hundred billion
people in this world, and only five of them will find Golden
Tickets. Even if you had a sackful of money you probably
wouldn't find one. And after this contest is over, you'll
be no different from the billions of others who didn't find
one.
CHARLIE: But I am different. I want it more than any of
them.
MRS. BUCKET: Charlie, you'll get your chance. One day
things will change.
CHARLIE: When? When will they change?
MRS. BUCKET: Probably when you least expect it. See you
later.
YOU GET BLUE
LIKE EVERYONE
BUT ME AND GRANDPA JOE
CAN MAKE YOUR TROUBLES GO AWAY
BLOW AWAY
THERE THEY GO
CHEER UP, CHARLIE
GIVE ME A SMILE
WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT SMILE I USED TO KNOW
DON'T YOU KNOW YOUR GRIN HAS ALWAYS BEEN
MY SUNSHINE
LET THAT SUNSHINE SHOW
COME ON, CHARLIE
NO NEED TO FROWN
DEEP DOWN YOU KNOW THE WORLD IS STILL YOUR TOY
WHEN THE WORLD GETS HEAVY
NEVER PITAPAT 'EM
UP AND AT 'EM, BOY
SOMEDAY SWEET AS A SONG
CHARLIE'S LUCKY DAY WILL COME ALONG
'TIL THAT DAY YOU'VE GOTTA STAY IN STRONG, CHARLIE
UP ON TOP IS RIGHT WHERE YOU BELONG
LOOK UP CHARLIE
YOU'LL SEE A STAR
JUST FOLLOW IT AND KEEP YOUR DREAM IN VIEW
PRETTY SOON THE SKY IS GONNA CLEAR UP CHARLIE
CHEER UP, CHARLIE, DO
CHEER UP, CHARLIE
JUST BE GLAD YOU'RE YOU
19. MARBLE FALLS, ARIZONA
ARIZONA REPORTER: While the rest of the world goes on
searching, here in the Southwest it has actually happened.
That's what I said, friends. There's only one Golden Ticket
left in the entire world because right here in our own
community of Marble Falls, Arizona, is lucky winner number
four. Now, the name soon to be heard around the universe is
Mr. Mike Teevee. Hey, Mike, do you think we might shut that
thing off?
MIKE: No, are you crazy?
MRS. TEEVEE: He won't answer 'til the station break.
ARIZONA REPORTER: Mike, the country wants to hear from you;
the world is waiting--
MIKE: Can't you shut up? I'm busy. Boy, what a great show.
MRS. TEEVEE: I serve all his TV dinners right here. He's
never even been to the table.
REPORTER #2: You love to watch TV, Mike?
MIKE: You bet.
REPORTER #3: What about that Golden Ticket, Mike? That's
what we all came to hear--
MIKE: Hold it! I wanna catch this.
REPORTER #2: You like the killings, huh?
MIKE: What do you think life's all about?
ARIZONA REPORTER: Mike, would you tell us--
MIKE: (shoots his cap gun) Wait 'til I get a real one. 
Colt .45. Pop won't let me have one yet, will you, Pop.
MR. TEEVEE: Not 'til you're twelve, son.
(Slugworth whispers in Mike's ear.)
20. NEWSROOM
ANCHORMAN: Four down, and one to go. And somewhere out
there, another lucky person is moving closer and closer to
finding the last of the most sought after prizes in history. 
Though we cannot help but envy him, whoever he is, and we
might be tempted to be bitter in our losing, we must
remember there are many more important things--many more
important things. Offhand I can't think of what they are,
but I'm sure there must be something. And now for
tomorrow's weather and--
21. BUCKETS' HOUSE
CHARLIE: Why'd you wake me up, Grandpa? Is something wrong? 
(Grandpa pulls out a Wonka bar.) Grandpa, that money was
for tobacco.
GRANDPA JOE: I told you, Charlie, I've given it up. Go on,
open it. One ticket left. Now let's see some of that gold.
CHARLIE: No, you do it. I can't.
GRANDPA JOE: Somethin' tells me we're gonna be lucky this
time. I've got a funny feeling inside. Which end shall I
open first?
CHARLIE: That end. Just a tiny bit.
GRANDPA JOE: Like this?
CHARLIE: Now a bit more.
GRANDPA JOE: You finish it; I can't.
CHARLIE: No, Grandpa, you do it.
GRANDPA JOE: All right . . . here goes. (He opens the wrapper.)
CHARLIE: You know . . . I bet those Golden Tickets make the
chocolate taste terrible.
(They hug.)
22. AUCTION
AUCTIONEER: Lot four-oh-three (403). I can personally
guarantee, ladies and gentlemen, that this is the one and
only, the absolutely last case of Wonka Bars left in the
United Kingdom. Shall we start the bidding at one thousand
pounds? Do I hear one thousand pounds? Fifteen hundred
pounds? Two thousand? I have two thousand five hundred
here. Four thousand pounds? Forty-five hundred pounds! 
Five thousand pou--Your Majesty!
23. CURTIS HOME
DETECTIVE: I'm sorry, Mrs. Curtis. Doesn't seem to be
anything in his papers to give us a clue.
MRS. CURTIS: They kidnapped my husband twelve hours ago. 
When are we going to hear from them? What do they want?
DETECTIVE: Try to stay calm. They did it for ransom. All
we can do is wait to hear their demands.
MRS. CURTIS: I'll give them anything, anything they want! 
All I want is to have Harold back!
(The phone rings.)
DETECTIVE: (on phone) Go ahead, we're listenin'. Uh huh. 
Uh huh.
MRS. CURTIS: What did they ask for? Whatever it is, they
can have it.
DETECTIVE: They want your case of Wonka Bars. Mrs. Curtis,
did you hear me? It's your husband's life or your case of
Wonka Bars.
MRS. CURTIS: How long will they give me to think it over?
24. NEWSROOM
ANCHORMAN: That's it, that's it! It's all over! The Wonka
Contest is all over! The fifth and final ticket has been
found, and we've got a live report coming in directly now
from Paraguay, South America.
PARAGUAY REPORTER: Ladies and Gentlemen, it is finished. 
The end has come. The fifth and last Golden Ticket has just
been found right here in Paraguay. The finder is lucky
Alberto Min~oleta, the multimillionaire owner of gambling
casinos throughout South America.
25. BUCKETS' HOUSE
PARAGUAY REPORTER (on TV): Here is the most recent picture
of Alberto the happy finder, the man who has finally put an
end to Wonkamania for all the world.
GRANDPA JOE: (on "put") Turn it off. Well, that's that. No
more Golden Tickets.
GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: A lot of rubbish, the whole thing.
GRANDPA JOE: Not to Charlie it wasn't. A little boy's got
to have something in this world to hope for. What's he got
to hope for now?
GRANDMA GEORGINA: Who's going to tell him?
MRS. BUCKET: Let's not wake him. He'll find out soon
enough.
GRANDPA JOE: Yeah, let him sleep. Let him have one last
dream.
26. SCHOOL
MR. TURKENTINE: (clears throat) I've just decided to switch
our Friday schedule to Monday, which means that the test we
take each Friday on what we learned during the week will now
take place on Monday before we've learned it. But since
today is Tuesday, it doesn't matter in the slightest. 
Pencils ready. Today, we are going to learn about . . .
percentages. And for an example, let's take the recent
unpleasantness. Supposing that there were a thousand
Wonka Bars in the world and, during the contest you each
opened a certain number of them. That number is . . . a percent. 
Everyone understand?
KIDS: (some moan; others:) No.
MR. TURKENTINE: You, Madeline Durkin, how many Wonka Bars
did you open?
MADELINE: About a hundred.
MR. TURKENTINE: There are ten hundreds in a thousand;
therefore you opened ten percent. You, Peter Goff, how many
did you open?
PETER: A hundred and fifty.
MR. TURKENTINE: That's ten percent half over again, which
makes fifteen percent. Charlie Bucket, how many did you
open?
CHARLIE: Two.
MR. TURKENTINE: That's easy. Two hundred is twice one
hundred . . .
CHARLIE: Not two hundred. Just two.
MR. TURKENTINE: Two? What do you mean you only opened two?
CHARLIE: I don't care very much for chocolate.
MR. TURKENTINE: Well I can't figure out just two! So let's
pretend you opened two hundred. Now, if you opened two
hundred Wonka Bars, apart from being dreadfully sick, you'd
have used up twenty percent of one thousand, which is
fifteen percent half over again, ten percent--
27. ON THE STREET
(Charlie finds a coin in a sewer grate and digs it 
out.)
28. BILL'S CANDY SHOP
CHARLIE: (clears his throat)
BILL: Hi.
CHARLIE: I'd like a bar of chocolate please.
BILL: Yeah, sure. What kind? A Slugworth Sizzler? A Wonka
Scrumdidilyumptious?
CHARLIE: Whichever's the biggest.
BILL: Try a Scrumdidilyumptious. Now that all the tickets
have been found, I don't have to hide them anymore. (Clears
his throat and holds out his hand. Charlie pays.) Hey,
hey, hey, take it easy. You'll get a stomach ache if you
swallow it like that.
CHARLIE: Bye.
BILL: Bye now.
CHARLIE: I think I'll buy just one more, for my Grandpa Joe.
BILL: Sure. Why not try a regular Wonka Bar this time?
CHARLIE: Fine.
JOPECK (O.C.): Extra, extra! Read all about it! Hear the
latest news! Get your papers here!
MAN #1 (O.C.): What's going on?
JOPECK (O.C.): Hear about the scandal.
29. ON THE STREET
MAN #2 (O.C.): Look at this.
MAN #3 (O.C.): Which one?
MAN #4 (O.C.): Here, let me see.
JOPECK: Extra, extra! Hear about the scandal.
MAN #5: Gimme a newspaper.
JOPECK: All right, all right, take it easy. One at a time.
MAN #6: Who's the one that did it?
MAN #7: Did you hear the news?
JOPECK (O.C.): (continues through next lines) All right, all
right, just a moment . . . wait your turn . . . give me a
chance . . .
MAN WITH PAPER: That gambler from Paraguay made up a phony
ticket.
SECOND MAN: That means there's one Golden Ticket still
floating around somewhere.
MAN WITH PAPER: Can you imagine the nerve of that guy,
trying to fool the whole world?
SECOND MAN: Aw, he really was a crook! Well this means the
contest goes on forever. Wonder where they'll find the next
one.
JOPECK (O.C.): Take it easy, take it easy, one at a time.
(Charlie opens his Wonka Bar; there is the Golden
Ticket!)
WOMAN #1: Hey, you've got it! You've got the last Golden
Ticket! The kid's found the last Golden Ticket! Hold it
up, sonny, so we can see!
MAN A: Hey, let me see it!
MAN B: It really is gold!
JOPECK: Stand back there. Leave the boy alone!
MAN C: Hey, kid, come over here.
WOMAN #2: Let me see it! Did you see what he's got?
JOPECK: You're going to kill him! Leave him alone! Break
it up.
MAN D: Let me see it! Over here, show it over here!
MAN B: It really is gold!
MAN C: I wanna see it. Hey, kid . . .
JOPECK: Come on, Charlie! Hold on to that ticket! Run for
it, Charlie! Run straight home and don't stop 'til you get
there!
(Charlie starts running home.)
30. ALLEY
(Slughworth steps into Charlie's path.)
SLUGWORTH: I congratulate you, little boy. Well done. You
found the fifth Golden Ticket. May I introduce myself. 
Arthur Slugworth, President of Slugworth Chocolates,
Incorporated. Now listen carefully because I'm going to
make you very rich indeed. Mr. Wonka is at this moment
working on a fantastic invention: the Everlasting
Gobstopper. If he succeeds, he'll ruin me. So all I want
you to do is to get hold of just one Everlasting Gobstopper
and bring it to me so that I can find the secret formula. 
Your reward will be ten thousand of these. (He flips
through a stack of money.) Think it over, will you? A new
house for your family, and good food and comfort for the
rest of their lives. And don't forget the name: Everlasting
Gobstopper.
31. BUCKETS' HOUSE
CHARLIE: Look, everyone, look, I've got it! The fifth
Golden Ticket is mine!
GRANDPA JOE: You're pulling our legs, Charlie! There aren't
any more Golden Tickets.
CHARLIE: No, Grandpa, the last one was a fake; it said so in
the papers. I found some money in the street, and I bought
a Wonka Bar, and the ticket was in it.
MRS. BUCKET: Charlie!
CHARLIE: Look at it, Grandpa, see for yourself!
GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: Read it, Joe, for heaven's sake!
GRANDPA JOE: "Greetings to you, the lucky finder of this
Golden Ticket, from Mr. Willy Wonka. Present this ticket at
the factory gates at ten o'clock in the morning of the first
day of October, and do not be late. You may bring with you
one member of your own family but no one else. In your
wildest dreams you could not imagine the marvelous surprises
that await you!" Charlie, you've done it!
MRS. BUCKET: I can't believe it!
CHARLIE: Grandpa? It says I can take somebody with me. I
wish you could go.
GRANDPA JOE: (struggling to get out of bed) Charlie. 
(Charlie helps him.) Ah, that's good. Now help me up. (He
stands, then falls back on the bed) Oh!
CHARLIE: Are you okay?
GRANDPA JOE: Oh yeah, I'm fine, Charlie. (He stands up and
stumbles.)
GRANDMA GEORGINA: (screams)
MRS. BUCKET: Easy, Dad.
GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: Joe! Watch it, Joe!
GRANDPA JOE: Look at me! Look at me! Up and about . . . I
haven't done this in twenty years.
CHARLIE: Grandpa!
GRANDPA JOE:
I NEVER THOUGHT MY LIFE COULD BE
ANYTHING BUT CATASTROPHE
BUT SUDDENLY I BEGIN TO SEE
A BIT OF GOOD LUCK FOR ME
'CAUSE I'VE GOT A GOLDEN TICKET
I'VE GOT A GOLDEN TWINKLE IN MY EYE
I NEVER HAD A CHANCE TO SHINE
NEVER A HAPPY SONG TO SING
BUT SUDDENLY HALF THE WORLD IS MINE
WHAT AN AMAZING THING
'CAUSE I'VE GOT A GOLDEN TICKET
It's ours, Charlie!
I'VE GOT A GOLDEN SUN UP IN THE SKY
Slippers, Charlie!
I NEVER THOUGHT I'D SEE THE DAY
WHEN I WOULD FACE THE WORLD AND SAY
CHARLIE AND GRANDPA JOE:
"GOOD MORNING! AND LOOK AT THE SUN!"
GRANDPA JOE:
I NEVER THOUGHT THAT I WOULD BE
SLAP IN THE LAP OF LUXURY
'CAUSE I'D HAVE SAID
CHARLIE:
"IT COULDN'T BE DONE"
GRANDPA JOE:
BUT IT CAN BE DONE
Oooh! The cane, Charlie! Ah! Ahhh! (He laughs.) Here I
go! Watch my speed!
GRANDPA JOE:
I NEVER DREAMED THAT I WOULD CLIMB
OVER THE MOON IN ECSTASY
BUT NEVERTHELESS IT'S THERE THAT I'M
SHORTLY ABOUT TO BE
CHARLIE AND GRANDPA JOE:
'CAUSE I'VE GOT A GOLDEN TICKET
I'VE GOT A GOLDEN CHANCE TO MAKE MY WAY
AND WITH A GOLDEN TICKET IT'S A GOLDEN DAY
GRANDPA JOE:
Good morning! Look at the sun!
CHARLIE AND GRANDPA JOE:
'CAUSE I'D HAVE SAID, "IT COULDN'T BE DONE"
GRANDPA JOE:
BUT IT CAN BE DONE
I NEVER DREAMED THAT I WOULD CLIMB
OVER THE MOON IN ECSTASY
BUT NEVERTHELESS IT'S THERE THAT I'M
SHORTLY ABOUT TO BE
'CAUSE I'VE GOT A GOLDEN TICKET
CHARLIE AND GRANDPA JOE:
I'VE GOT A GOLDEN TICKET
I'VE GOT A GOLDEN CHANCE TO MAKE MY WAY
AND WITH A GOLDEN TICKET IT'S A GOLDEN DAY!
MRS. BUCKET: Wait! Stop! It says the first of October; that's
tomorrow!
GRANDPA JOE: Jumping Crocodiles, Charlie! We've got a lot
to do. Comb your hair, wash your face, polish your shoes,
and brush your--
MRS. BUCKET: I'll take care of everything, Dad.
GRANDPA JOE: We don't have too much time.
CHARLIE: Grandpa . . . on the way home today, I ran into Mr.
Slugworth.
32. WONKA'S FACTORY GATES
(A large crowd is gathered, including reporters and a
band.)
MIKE: Hey, Mom, we're on TV! Hi, everybody in Marble Falls! 
Hi, Billy! Hi, Maggie! Hi, Fishface! How do I look?
(Cut to:)
LOCAL REPORTER: You guys ready?
CAMERAMAN (O.C.): Yeah, you're on.
LOCAL REPORTER: Well, this is it folks. This is the big
day, the historic day on which Willy Wonka has promised to
open his gates and shower gifts on the five lucky winners. 
From all over the globe, people have gathered here waiting
for the hour to strike, waiting to catch a glimpse of that
legendary magician Mr. Willy Wonka.
(Cut to:)
MR. BEUAREGARDE: Hi, friends. Sam Beauregarde here. The
next time you're in Miles City, Montana, don't forget to
visit Beauregarde's AutoMart . . .
VIOLET: (on "Beauregarde's") Cut it out, Dad; for heaven's
sake, this is my show! Hi, Cornelia sweetie, I've still got
it. And how's this for a stretch? (She stretches her gum
down and lets go.)
(Cut to:)
VERUCA: I want to go in first before anybody else.
MR. SALT: Anything you say, sweetheart.
(Cut to:)
MRS. GLOOP: (taking food away from Augustus) Save some room
for later, Augustus liebling [darling].
(Cut to:)
CHARLIE: Grandpa?
GRANDPA JOE: Mmm?
CHARLIE: I don't believe it. We did it; we're actually
going in.
GRANDPA JOE: We're going to see the greatest of them all:
Mr. Willy Wonka!
(The clock strikes ten. Willy Wonka emerges; the crowd
cheers until they see he is limping with a cane. At
the end of the red carpet, he sticks the cane in the
stones and performs an acrobatic somersault. The crowd
applauds.)
WONKA: Thank you. Thank you. Welcome, my friends. Welcome
to my chocolate factory. (to the ticket holders) Would you
come forward please?
MR. SALT: Veruca first! Get back, you! Come on, Veruca
sweetheart!
(Slugworth gives the thumbs up to Charlie.)
CHARLIE: That's Slugworth! That's the one I've told you
about!
WONKA: Welcome. It's nice to have you here. I'm so glad
you could come. This is going to be such an exciting day. 
I hope you enjoy it. I think you will. And now would you
please show me your Golden Tickets.
VERUCA: I'm Veruca Salt.
WONKA: My dear Veruca, what a pleasure. And how pretty you
look in that lovely mink coat.
VERUCA: I've got three others at home.
WONKA: And Mr. Salt, overjoyed to see you, sir. Would you
just step over there for a minute.
AUGUSTUS: Augustus Gloop.
WONKA: Augustus, my dear boy, how good to see you--and in
such fine shape. And this must be the radiant Mrs. Gloop. 
Just over there, dear lady.
VIOLET: Violet Beauregarde.
WONKA: Darling child, welcome to Wonka's.
VIOLET: What kind of gum you got here?
WONKA: Charming, charming!
MR. BEAUREGARDE: Sam Beauregarde here, Mr. Wonka.
WONKA: My dear sir, what a genuine pleasure.
MR. BEAUREGARDE: If ever you need anything in the automotive
line, just call on Sam B, phone number's on the card. With
Sam B, it's a guarantee.
MIKE: I'm Mike Teevee.
WONKA: Mike . . .
MIKE: Wham! (He pulls his gun.) You're dead!
WONKA: Wonderful to meet you, Mike. And Mrs. Teevee, how do
you do? What an adorable little boy you have.
MRS. TEEVEE: Thank you.
WONKA: Just over there.
CHARLIE: Charlie Bucket.
WONKA: Well, well, Charlie Bucket, I read all about you in
the papers. I'm so happy for you. And who is this
gentleman?
CHARLIE: My grandfather, Grandpa Joe.
WONKA: Delighted to meet you, sir. Overjoyed, enraptured,
entranced; are we ready? Yes! Good! In we go!
(They all enter the factory.)
33. ENTRANCE HALLWAY
WONKA: Now: hats, coats, galoshes, over here. But hurry
please, we have so much time and so little to see. Wait a
minute! Strike that. Reverse it. Thank you.
VIOLET: When do I get my chocolate?
MR. BEAUREGARDE: First take off your coat, Violet.
MIKE: Boy, what weird looking coat hangers.
(The hand coat hangers grab the clothes; the group
gasps and screams, startled.)
WONKA: Little surprises around every corner but nothing
dangerous. Don't be alarmed. And as soon as your outer
vestments are in hand, we'll begin. Now. Will the children
kindly step up here.
(He pulls back a curtain to reveal a contract.)
MR. BEAUREGARDE: (mutters, reading)
MR. SALT: (mutters through his teeth, reading, then:)
Floods, fire, frost, or frippery?
MIKE: Accidents? What kind of accidents?
MR. BEAUREGARDE: . . . Labor unions? . . . (Returns to
muttering.)
MRS. TEEVEE: I didn't know we had to sign anything for this
tour.
MR. BEAUREGARDE: . . . in trying to determine . . .
(mutters)
VIOLET: I can't see what it says in the bottom.
WONKA: Violet? You first. Sign here.
MR. BEAUREGARDE: Hold it! Lemme through here, you kids. 
Violet, baby, don't you sign anything there. What's this
all about?
WONKA: Standard form of contract.
MR. BEAUREGARDE: Don't talk to me about contracts, Wonka; I
use 'em myself. They're strictly for suckers.
WONKA: Yes, but you wouldn't begrudge me a little
protection. A drop.
MR. BEAUREGARDE: I don't sign anything without my lawyer.
MR. SALT: My Veruca don't sign anything either.
WONKA: Then she don't go in. I'm sorry, rules of the house.
VERUCA: I want to go in. Don't you dare stop me.
MR. SALT: I'm only trying to help you, sweetheart.
VERUCA: (to Violet) Gimme that pen. (to Mr. Salt) You're
always making things difficult.
WONKA: Nicely handled, Veruca. She's a girl who knows where
she's going. Violet . . .?
MR. BEAUREGARDE: Wait a minute, what's all that small print
there at the bottom?
WONKA: Oh, if you have any problems, dial information, thank
you for calling. Mike? Augustus?
MR. BEAUREGARDE: Violet. Violet!
MRS. TEEVEE: I assume there's an accident indemnity clause.
WONKA: Never between friends.
MIKE: Saw this in a movie once. Guy signed his wife's
insurance policy. Then he bumped her off.
WONKA: Clever.
CHARLIE: What about me, Grandpa?
GRANDPA JOE: Sign away, Charlie; we got nothing to lose.
VERUCA: Let's go in; come on!
WONKA: Patience, patience, little dear. Everything has to
be in order. Everyone's signed? Yes. Good. On we go! 
(opening lock) Ninety-nine . . . forty-four . . . one
hundred percent pure. (He pushes open the door.) Just
through the other door please.
34. DEAD END HALLWAY
(They rush in; chaos ensues.)
MR. SALT: Uh, Wonka, there's some mistake here . . .
MIKE: There is no other door.
VERUCA: There's no way out!
WONKA: Well I know there's a door here someplace.
MRS. GLOOP: (screams)
MR. BEAUREGARDE: I don't like this, Wonka; I don't like it
at all!
MR. SALT: Is this a trick or something, Wonka?
MRS. GLOOP: Help! Mr. Wonka, help! I'm getting squashed! 
Save me!
WONKA: Is it my soul that calls upon my name?
VERUCA: Let me out or I'll scream!
MRS. TEEVEE: Somebody's touching me.
MR. SALT: Now look here, Wonka . . .
WONKA: Excuse me, question time will come at the end of the
session. We must press on. Come along . . . come along . .
. Ah, here we are.
MR. BEAUREGARDE: Oh, don't be a darn fool, Wonka; that's the
way we came in.
WONKA: It is? Are you sure?
MR. SALT: We've just come through there.
WONKA: Huh. How do you like that?
(He leans against the door; it opens. The crowd emits
"Oh"s and "Aw"s. During this:)
VIOLET: It's all different . . .
WONKA: There we are . . .
MR. SALT: What is this, Wonka? Some kind of fun house?
WONKA: Why, having fun?
MRS. TEEVEE: I've had enough. I'm not going in there.
MR. BEAUREGADE: Come on, Violet, we're getting out of here.
WONKA: Oh, you can't get out backwards. You've gotta go
forwards to go back. Better press on.
35. SKEWED PERSPECTIVE ROOM
(Wonka walks down the hall which gets shorter as it
goes on.)
CHARLIE: Hey, the room is getting smaller!
MRS. TEEVEE: No, it's not; he's getting bigger.
MR. SALT: He's at it again.
MIKE: Where's the chocolate?
MR. BEAUREGARDE: I doubt if there is any.
MR. SALT: I doubt if any of us will get out of here alive.
WONKA: Oh, you should never, never doubt what nobody is sure
about.
MRS. GLOOP: You're not squeezing me through that tiny door.
MR. SALT: You're off your bleeding nut, Wonka. No one can
get through there.
WONKA: My dear friends, you are now about to enter the nerve
center of the entire Wonka Factory. Inside this room, all
of my dreams become realities. And some of my realities
become dreams. And almost everything you will see is
eatible. Edible. I mean, you can eat almost everything.
AUGUSTUS: Let me in, I'm starving!
WONKA: Now, don't get overexcited! Don't lose your head,
Augustus! We wouldn't want anyone to lose that! Yet. Now,
the combination . . . This is a musical lock. (He plays the
opening to Mozart's "Marriage of Figaro.")
MRS. TEEVEE: Rachmaninoff.
WONKA: Ladies and gentlemen . . . boys and girls . . .
36. THE CHOCOLATE ROOM
WONKA: (as the door opens) The chocolate room.
Hold your breath. Make a wish. Count to three.
COME WITH ME
AND YOU'LL BE
IN A WORLD OF PURE IMAGINATION
TAKE A LOOK
(whips cane around)
AND YOU'LL SEE
INTO YOUR IMAGINATION
WE'LL BEGIN
(whips cane around)
WITH A SPIN
TRAVELLING IN THE WORLD OF MY CREATION
WHAT WE'LL SEE
WILL DEFY
EXPLANATION
(whips cane around)
IF YOU WANT TO VIEW PARADISE
SIMPLY LOOK AROUND AND VIEW IT
ANYTHING YOU WANT TO, DO IT
WANT TO CHANGE THE WORLD
(pulls hair out of Mike's head)
THERE'S NOTHING
TO IT
MR. BEAUREGARDE: Hurry up, Violet.
CHARLIE: This way, Grandpa.
WONKA:
THERE IS NO LIFE I KNOW
TO COMPARE WITH PURE IMAGINATION
LIVING THERE
YOU'LL BE FREE
IF YOU TRULY WISH TO BE
IF YOU WANT TO VIEW PARADISE
SIMPLY LOOK AROUND AND VIEW IT
ANYTHING YOU WANT TO, DO IT
WANT TO CHANGE THE WORLD
THERE'S NOTHING
TO IT
THERE IS NO LIFE I KNOW
TO COMPARE WITH PURE IMAGINATION
LIVING THERE
YOU'LL BE FREE
IF YOU TRULY
WISH TO BE
MRS. GLOOP: What a disgusting, dirty river.
MR. SALT: It's industrial waste, that. You've ruined your
watershed, Wonka. It's polluted.
WONKA: It's chocolate.
VERUCA: That's chocolate?!?
CHARLIE: That's chocolate.
VIOLET: A chocolate river.
GRANDPA JOE: That's the most fantastic thing I've ever seen.
WONKA: Ten thousand gallons an hour. And look at my
waterfall. That's the most important thing. It's mixing my
chocolate. It's actually churning my chocolate. You know,
no other factory in the world mixes its chocolate by
waterfall. (to Mr. Salt) But it's the only way if you want
it just right . . .
CHARLIE: Grandpa, look over there across the river! They're
little men!
GRANDPA JOE: Jumping Crocodiles, Charlie! Now we know who
makes the chocolate.
MR. SALT: I never saw anybody with an orange face before. 
Funny-looking people, aren't they, Wonka?
MRS. TEEVEE: What are they doing there?
WONKA: It must be creaming and sugaring time.
VIOLET: Well they can't be real people.
WONKA: Well of course they're real people.
MR. SALT: Stuff and nonsense.
WONKA: No, Oompa Loompas.
THE GROUP: Oompa Loompas?!?
WONKA: From Loompaland.
MRS. TEEVEE: Loompaland? There's no such place.
WONKA: Excuse me, dear lady . . .
MRS. TEEVEE: Mr. Wonka, I am a teacher of geography.
WONKA: Oh, well then you know all about it and what a
terrible country it is. Nothing but desolate wastes and
fierce beasts. And the poor little Oompa Loompas were so
small and helpless, they would get gobbled up right and
left. A Wangdoodle would eat ten of them for breakfast and
think nothing of it. And so, I said, "Come and live with me
in peace and safety, away from all the Wangdoodles and
Hornswogglers and Snozzwangers and rotten Vermicious Knids."
MR. SALT: Snozzwangers? Vermicious Knids? What kind of
rubbish is that?
WONKA: I'm sorry, but all questions must be submitted in
writing. And so, in the greatest of secrecy I transported
the entire population of Oompa Loompas to my factory here.
VERUCA: Hey, Daddy, I want an Oompa Loompa. I want you to
get me an Oompa Loompa right away.
MR. SALT: All right, Veruca, all right. I'll get you one
before the day is out.
VERUCA: I want an Oompa Loompa now!
VIOLET: Can it, you nit!
AUGUSTUS (O.C.): Mmmmm . . . this stuff is terrific.
CHARLIE: Grandpa, look at Augustus.
GRANDPA JOE (O.C.): Don't worry, he can't drink it all.
MRS. GLOOP: Augustus, sweetheart, save some room for later.
WONKA: Oh, uh, Augustus, please, don't do that. My
chocolate must never be touched by human hands. Plea--don't
do that! Don't do that; you're contaminating my entire
river. Please, I beg you, Augustus!
(Augustus falls in; Mrs. Gloop and others scream.)
MIKE: Man overboard.
WONKA: My chocolate!
AUGUSTUS: Help!
WONKA: My chocolate! My beautiful chocolate.
AUGUSTUS: Help!
MRS. GLOOP: Don't just stand there; do something!
WONKA: Help. Police. Murder.
GRANDPA JOE: Quick, Charlie, here!
CHARLIE: Quick, Augustus, grab this!
(Augustus tries to grab the huge lollipop Charlie
offers, but he sinks below the water.)
MRS. TEEVEE: What--what's happening to him?
MR. SALT: It looks like he's drowning.
MRS. GLOOP: Dive in! Save him!
WONKA: Oh, it's too late.
MRS. GLOOP: Too late?
WONKA: Oh, he's had it now; the suction's got him.
MR. SALT: What suction?
MRS. GLOOP: Augustus, come back. Where is he?
WONKA: Watch the pipe.
VERUCA: How long is he going to stay down, Daddy?
MRS. GLOOP: He can't swim.
WONKA: There's no better time to learn.
MIKE: There's his coat going up the pipe.
MR. BEAUREGARDE: Call a plumber.
MR. SALT: He's stuck in the pipe there, isn't he, Wonka? 
It's his stomach that's done that.
AUGUSTUS: (stuck in the pipe) Heeelllp! Heeelllp!
VIOLET: He's blocking all the chocolate.
GRANDPA JOE: Well, what happens now?
WONKA: Oh, the pressure'll get him out. Terrific pressure
is building up behind the blockage.
(Commotion.)
MR. SALT: I wonder how long it's gonna take him to push
through.
WONKA: The suspense is terrible. I hope it'll last.
MR. SALT: He, he's gonna go up this time. He--he-- Go on,
boy, go on!
MRS. GLOOP: This is terrible.
GRANDPA JOE: Come on.
CHARLIE: He'll never get out!
GRANDPA JOE: Yes, he will, Charlie. Watch. Remember you
once asked me how a bullet comes out of a gun?
(Augustus shoots up the pipe.)
MRS. GLOOP: He's gone! He'll be made into marshmallows in
five seconds!
WONKA: Impossible, my dear lady, that's absurd! 
Unthinkable!
MRS. GLOOP: Why?
WONKA: Because that pipe doesn't go to the marshmallow room;
it goes to the fudge room.
MRS. GLOOP: You terrible man.
(Wonka plays a short tune on the pipe whistle; an Oompa
Loompa comes over.)
MR. SALT: Who said that?
MR. BEAUREGARDE: What the heck is that?
GRANDPA JOE: He's got a whistle.
WONKA: Take Mrs. Gloop straight to the fudge room, but look
sharp! Or her little boy is liable to get poured into the
boiler.
MRS. GLOOP: You've boiled him up, I know it!
WONKA: Nihil desperandum [Nothing to despair], dear lady. 
Across the desert lies the promised land. Goodbye, Mrs.
Gloop. Adieu! Auf wiedersehen! Gesundheit. Farewell.
OOMPA LOOMPAS:
OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADEE DOO
I'VE GOT A PERFECT PUZZLE FOR YOU
OOMPA LOOMPA, DOOMPADAH DEE
IF YOU ARE WISE YOU'LL LISTEN TO ME
WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU GUZZLE DOWN SWEETS?
EATING AS MUCH AS AN ELEPHANT EATS
WHAT ARE YOU AT GETTING TERRIBLY FAT?
WHAT DO YOU THINK WILL COME OF THAT?
I DON'T LIKE THE LOOK OF IT
OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADEE DAH
IF YOU'RE NOT GREEDY YOU WILL GO FAR
YOU WILL LIVE IN HAPPINESS TOO
LIKE THE OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADEE DO
DOOMPADEE DOO
MR. BEAUREGARDE: Hey, what kind of place you running here
anyhow, Wonka?
WONKA: Uhhhh . . . mesdames et messieurs, maintenant nous
allons faire grand petit voyage par bateau. [Ladies and
Gentlemen, now we are going for a great little boat trip.]
MR. SALT: What's he talking about?
WONKA: Voulez-vous entrer le Wonkatania? [Do you want to
come on the Wonkatania?]
(The Wonkatania floats down the river.)
CHARLIE: Wow, what a boat.
GRANDPA JOE: Ohhhh, looks good enough to eat.
MR. SALT: That's quite a nice little canoe you've got there,
Wonka.
WONKA: All I ask is a tall ship and a star to sail her by. 
All aboard, everybody.
MR. SALT: Uh, ladies first, and that means Veruca.
GRANDPA JOE: If she's a lady, I'm a Vermicious Knid.
MR. SALT: You sure this thing'll float, eh, Wonka?
WONKA: With your buoyancy, sir, rest assured.
MRS. TEEVEE: She's tres joli [very pretty], but is she
seaworthy?
WONKA: Nothing to worry about, my dear lady. I take good
care of my guests.
MR. BEAUREGARDE: Yeah, you took real good care of that
August kid over there, that's for sure.
WONKA: Everybody aboard? You're going to love this. Just
love it.
(The boat begins to sail.)
VERUCA: Hey, Daddy, I want a boat like this. A beautiful
paddle boat, that's what I want.
GRANDPA JOE: What she wants is a good kick in the pants.
MRS. TEEVEE: I think I'm gonna be seasick.
WONKA: Here, try one of these.
MRS. TEEVEE: What are they?
WONKA: Rainbow drops. Suck 'em and you can spit in seven
different colors.
VIOLET: (picking her nose) Spitting's a dirty habit.
WONKA: I know a worse one.
MR. BEAUREGARDE: What business you in, Salt?
MR. SALT: Nuts.
(The boat heads into the tunnel.)
MR. SALT: Hang on, where are we going?
MR. BEAUREGARDE: I don't know, but I don't like the looks of
that tunnel up there. Hey, Wonka, I want off!
WONKA: 'Round the world and home again, that's the sailor's
way!
37. THE TUNNEL
(Commotion. Disgusting images flash on the wall.)
VERUCA: I don't like this ride, Daddy.
WONKA: Faster!
MR. SALT: Wonka, do me a favor? Tell those people to stop
paddling back there.
WONKA: Faster!
MRS. TEEVEE: We're going too fast!
WONKA: Faster! Faster!
VIOLET: We're gonna sink, I know it!
VERUCA: Why doesn't he stop the boat?
WONKA: Faster!
MR. SALT: Hang on, darling! Just close your eyes and hang
on tight!
MIKE: What's happening?
WONKA: Faster!
VIOLET: What is this, a freak-out?
MR. BEAUREGARDE: Hey, this isn't funny, Wonka!
MR. SALT: You can't possibly see where you're going, Wonka!
WONKA: You're right. I can't.
MIKE: Boy, what a great series this would make.
MR. SALT: Wonka . . .
CHARLIE: This is kind of strange . . .
GRANDPA JOE: Yeah, strange, Charlie, but it's fun! Ha ha!
MIKE: This is terrific!
MRS. TEEVEE: Ugghhhhhh . . .
MR. SALT: How much to get off the boat, Wonka?
MRS. TEEVEE: Ugghhh . . . I think I'm gonna be sick.
MR. SALT: I can take a joke, but this has gone too far.
MR. BEAUREGARDE: Tell that little guy to turn us around,
Wonka!
MRS. TEEVEE: Aaaaaaa! Now I am gonna be sick!
VERUCA: Save me, Daddy!
CHARLIE: (reacting when Slugworth's face appears on the
wall) Grandpa!
GRANDPA: It couldn't be.
(A few screams . . .)
WONKA:
THERE'S NO EARTHLY WAY OF KNOWING
MR. SALT: Heh, heh . . . he's singing . . .
WONKA:
WHICH DIRECTION WE ARE GOING
THERE'S NO KNOWING WHERE WE'RE ROWING
MR. SALT:
(echoing) ROWING . . .
WONKA:
OR WHICH WAY THE RIVER'S FLOWING
IS IT RAINING?
IS IT SNOWING?
IS A HURRICANE A-BLOWING?
Bleh!
Not a speck of light is showing
So the danger must be growing
Are the fires of hell a glowing?
Is the grisly reaper mowing?
Yes! The danger must be growing
For the rowers keep on rowing
And they're certainly not showing
Any signs that they are slowing!
(Wonka screams. Chaos.)
VERUCA: Oh, make him stop, Daddy!
MR. SALT: Wonka, this has gone far enough!
WONKA: Quite right, sir! Stop the boat!
38. HALLWAY OUTSIDE INVENTING ROOM
WONKA: We're there.
MRS. TEEVEE: Where?
WONKA: Here. A small step for mankind, but a giant step for
us. All ashore!
MR. BEAUREGARDE: Let me off this crate!
MIKE: Now why don't they show stuff like that on TV?
MRS. TEEVEE: I don't know.
MR. SALT: What a nightmare.
VERUCA: Daddy, I do not want a boat like this.
(Charlie and Grandpa Joe read a sign.)
CHARLIE: Dairy cream . . .
GRANDPA JOE: Whipped cream . . .
CHARLIE: Coffee cream . . .
GRANDPA JOE: Vanilla cream . . .
CHARLIE AND GRANDPA JOE: Hair cream?
WONKA: Meine Herrschaften, schenken Sie mir ihre
aufmerksamkeit. [My friends (masters), please give me your
attention.]
MRS. TEEVEE: That's not French.
WONKA: Sie kommen jetzt in den interessantesten und
gleichzeitig geheimsten raum meiner fabrik. [You have now
come to the most interesting and, at the same time, the most
secret room of my factory.]
MR. SALT: I can't take much more of this.
WONKA: Meine Damen und Herren, der Inventing Room. [Ladies
and Gentlemen, The Inventing Room.] Now remember, no
messing about. No touching, no tasting, no telling.
GRANDPA JOE: No telling what?
WONKA: You see, all of my most secret inventions are cooking
and simmering in here. Old Slugworth would give his false
teeth to get inside for just five minutes, so don't touch a
thing!
39. THE INVENTING ROOM
(Various contraptions bubble, churn, and whistle.)
GRANDPA JOE: Inventing room? It looks more like a Turkish
bath to me.
CHARLIE: Even if Slugworth did get in here, he couldn't find
anything.
MR. BEAUREGARDE: You got a garbage strike going on here,
Wonka?
MRS. TEEVEE: Who does your cleaning up?
MR. SALT: Shouldn't you be wearing rubber gloves? You'll
have the health inspectors after you, you know that, don't
you.
WONKA: (as he mixes a concoction) Invention, my dear
friends, is ninety-three percent perspiration, . . . six
percent electricity, . . . four percent evaporation, . . .
and two percent butterscotch ripple. 
(He tastes.)
MRS. TEEVEE: That's a hundred and five percent!
MR. SALT: Any good?
WONKA: (high, Muppet-like voice) Yes! Excuse me . . . (to
Veruca) Time is a precious thing. Never waste it. (He
throws an alarm clock into the cauldron.)
VERUCA: He's absolutely bonkers.
CHARLIE: And that's not bad.
MIKE: (eating something) Mmmm . . .
WONKA:
IN SPRINGTIME, THE ONLY PRETTY RING TIME
BIRDS SING, HEY DING
A-DING, A-DING
SWEET LOVERS LOVE THE SPRING--
(An explosion in Mike's mouth knocks him backwards.)
MRS. TEEVEE: Mike!
WONKA: I told you not to, silly boy.
MRS. TEEVEE: Your teeth!
MIKE: Boy, that's great stuff.
WONKA: That's exploding candy for your enemies. Great idea,
isn't it? Not ready yet, though, still too weak. Needs
more gelignite. (He puts sneakers into a pot.)
MR. SALT: What's that for?
WONKA: Gives it a little kick.
MR. SALT: Wonka? Butterscotch . . . butter gin . . . you've
got something going on inside of here?
WONKA: Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker. (Tests a
pot.) Aaa!
VIOLET: What's the matter? Too hot, Mr. Wonka?
WONKA: Too cold. Far too cold.
MR. SALT: That's gourmet cooking for you.
(Mr. Beauregarde tries to look into the Everlasting
Gobstopper machine; a buzzer goes off.)
WONKA: No! Don't. Please. Forgive me, but no one must
look under there. This is the most secret machine in my
entire factory. This is the one that's really going to
sizzle old Slugworth.
CHARLIE: What's it do?
WONKA: Would you like to see?
CHARLIE: Yeah.
(Wonka pushes a button. The machine goes through a
long process, then produces Everlasting Gobstoppers.)
CHARLIE: But what's it do?
WONKA: Can't you see? It makes Everlasting Gobstoppers.
VIOLET: Did you say "Everlasting Gobstoppers"? (Wonka
mouths the last words with her.)
WONKA: That's right. For children with very little pocket
money. You can suck 'em forever.
VERUCA: I want an Everlasting Gobstopper.
VIOLET: Me too!
MIKE: And me!
WONKA: Fantastic invention. Revolutionize the industry. 
You can suck 'em and suck 'em and suck 'em, and they'll
never get any smaller. Never. At least I don't think they
do. A few more tests.
MIKE: How do you make 'em?
WONKA: I'm a trifle deaf in this ear. Speak a little louder
next time. Who wants an Everlasting Gobstopper?
(The children say "Me!" or "I do!")
WONKA: I can only give them to you if you solemnly swear to
keep them for yourselves and never show them to another
living soul as long as you all shall live. Agreed?
(Veruca crosses her fingers behind her back.)
CHILDREN: Agreed.
WONKA: Good. (He hands them out.) One for you, and one for
you, and one for you.
GRANDPA JOE: Eh, what about Charlie?
WONKA: And one for Charlie.
VERUCA: Hey, she's got two. I want another one!
VIOLET: Stop squawking, you twit!
WONKA: Everybody has had one, and one is enough for anybody. 
Now come along. Now over here, if you'll follow me, I have
something rather special to show you.
MR. SALT: Well, it's special, all right. I only hope my
Veruca doesn't want one. (He laughs.)
MIKE: What a contraption.
WONKA: Isn't she scrumptious? She's my revolutionary, non-
pollutionary mechanical wonder. Now: button, button, who's
got the button?
CHARLIE: It's over there.
WONKA: Here?
CHARLIE: Yeah.
WONKA: (pushes the button; the contraption begins to work) 
What you are witnessing, dear friends, is the most enormous
miracle of the machine age: the creation of a confectionery
giant! Finito!
VERUCA: That's all?
WONKA: That's all?!? Don't you know what this is?
VIOLET: By gum, it's gum!
WONKA: Wrong! It's the most amazing, fabulous, sensational
gum in the whole world.
VIOLET: What's so fab about it?
WONKA: This little piece of gum is a three course dinner.
MR. SALT: Bull.
WONKA: No, roast beef, but I haven't got it quite right yet.
VIOLET: (grabbing the gum) I don't care.
WONKA: Oh, I wouldn't do that. I really wouldn't.
VIOLET: So long as it's gum, then that's for me.
MR. BEAUREGARDE: Violet, now don't you do anything stupid.
VIOLET: (sighs in disgust)
CHARLIE: What's it taste like?
VIOLET: Madness! It's tomato soup! It's hot and creamy. 
I can actually feel it running down my throat! It's
delicious!
WONKA: Stop, don't . . .
CHARLIE: Why doesn't she listen to Mr. Wonka?
GRANDPA JOE: Because, Charlie, she's a nitwit.
VIOLET: (continuous) And every chew gets better and better! 
Mmmm . . . this sure is great soup. Hey, second course is
coming up! Roast beef and a baked potato! Mmmm.
MR. BEAUREGARDE: With sour cream? (He laughs.) What's for
dessert, baby?
VIOLET: Dessert? Here it comes. Blueberry pie and cream! 
It's the most marvelous blueberry pie that I've ever tasted!
CHARLIE: Look at her face!
MR. BEAUREGARDE: Holy Toledo, what's happening to your face?
VIOLET: Cool it, Dad! Lemme finish.
MR. BEAUREGARDE: Yeah, but your face is turning blue! 
Violet, you're turning violet, Violet!
VIOLET: What are you talking about?
WONKA: I told you I hadn't got it quite right yet.
MR. BEAUREGARDE: You can say that again. Look what it's
done to my kid!
WONKA: It always goes wrong when we come to the dessert. 
Always.
MR. BEAUREGARDE: Violet, what are you doing now?!? You're
blowing up!
VIOLET: I feel funny.
GRANDPA JOE: I'm not surprised.
VIOLET: What's happening?
MR. BEAUREGARDE: You're blowing up like a balloon!
WONKA: Like a blueberry.
MR. BEAUREGARDE: Somebody do something! Call a doctor!
MRS. TEEVEE: Stick her with a pin.
CHARLIE: She'll pop!
WONKA: It happens every time! They all become blueberries.
MR. BEAUREGARDE: You've really done it this time, haven't
you, Wonka? I'll break you for this!
WONKA: Oh well, I'll get it right in the end.
VIOLET: Help! Help!
(Wonka plays the pipe whistle.)
MR. BEAUREGARDE: We've got to let the air out of her, quick!
WONKA: There's no air in there.
MR. BEAUREGARDE: Hmm?
WONKA: That's juice.
MR. BEAUREGARDE: Juice?!?
WONKA: (to an Oompa Loompa) Would you roll the young lady
down to the juicing room at once, please.
MR. BEAUREGARDE: What for?
WONKA: For squeezing. She has to be squeezed immediately
before she explodes.
MR. BEAUREGARDE: Explodes?!?
WONKA: It's a fairly simple operation.
OOMPA LOOMPAS:
OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADEE DOO
I'VE GOT ANOTHER PUZZLE FOR YOU (OO OO OO)
OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADAH DEE
IF YOU ARE WISE YOU'LL LISTEN TO ME
GUM CHEWING'S FINE WHEN IT'S ONCE IN A WHILE
IT STOPS YOU FROM SMOKING AND BRIGHTENS YOUR SMILE
BUT IT'S REPULSIVE, REVOLTING, AND WRONG
CHEWING AND CHEWING ALL DAY LONG
THE WAY THAT A COW DOES
OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADEE DAH
GIVEN GOOD MANNERS YOU WILL GO FAR
YOU WILL LIVE IN HAPPINESS TOO
LIKE THE OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADEE DO
MR. BEAUREGARDE: I'll get even with you for this, Wonka, if
it's the last thing I ever do! I got a blueberry for a
daughter . . . (The Oompa Loompa leads him away.)
WONKA: Where is fancy bred? In the heart, or in the head? 
Shall we roll on? (An Oompa Loompa hands him his cane) 
Thank you. (to the group) Well, well, well . . . two
naughty, nasty little children gone. Three good, sweet
little children left. Hurry, please, long way to go yet.
40. WALLPAPER ROOM
WONKA: Wait a minute. Must show you this. Lickable
wallpaper for nursery walls. Lick an orange, it tastes like
an orange. Lick a pineapple, it tastes like a pineapple. 
Go ahead, try it.
GRANDPA JOE: Oh.
MIKE: Mmm, I got a plum.
CHARLIE: Grandpa, this banana's fantastic! It tastes so
real.
WONKA: Try some more. The strawberries taste like
strawberries. The snozzberries taste like snozzberries!
VERUCA: Snozzberries? Who ever heard of a snozzberry?
WONKA: We are the music-makers . . . and we are the dreamers of
dreams. Come along, come along.
41. FIZZY LIFTING ROOM
WONKA: Something very unusual in here. Bubbles, bubbles
everywhere, but not a drop to drink. Yet.
CHARLIE: What's it making, Mr. Wonka?
WONKA: Fizzy Lifting Drinks. They fill you with gas, and
the gas is so terrifically lifting that it lifts you right
off the ground like a balloon.
VERUCA: Oh, isn't it high! Gosh!
WONKA: But I daren't sell it yet. It's still too powerful.
MIKE: Come on, let us try some! Please?
VERUCA: Oh, let us try some. Don't be mean!
WONKA: No, no, no. Absolutely not. There'd be children
floating around all over the place. Come along now; don't
hang about. You're going to be wild about this next room.
(All but Charlie and Grandpa Joe exit.)
GRANDPA JOE: Let's take a drink, Charlie; nobody's watching.
CHARLIE: Yeah.
GRANDPA JOE: A small one won't hurt us. (He opens a bottle
and drinks.) Mmmm, not bad. (Charlie drinks.) Well?
CHARLIE: Nothing's happening.
GRANDPA JOE: You're right, Charlie. I can't understand
WHYYYY . . . oh, oh, oh, I feel terribly strange . . .
CHARLIE: What do we do now, Grandpa?
GRANDPA JOE: I don't know, Charlie, but AAAAAA! OH, OH! 
We're in big trouble! Mr. Wonka isn't gonna like this.
CHARLIE: We can't stay up here all day!
GRANDPA JOE: You're right, Charlie, but--
CHARLIE: I'm gonna try and get down.
GRANDPA JOE: All right, Charlie, but please . . . be very
careful.
CHARLIE: Hey, it's fun, Grandpa! It works! Come on in, the
air's fine!
GRANDPA JOE: Oh, I don't know, Charlie. I haven't been
swimming in twenty years, I--
CHARLIE: (on "haven't") Come on, give me your hand.
GRANDPA JOE: I don't think I ought to . . . Oh. Oh! This
is great!
CHARLIE: (shooting upward) Hey, try this, Grandpa! Whee!
GRANDPA JOE: All right, Charlie, wait for me! Wheeeeee!
CHARLIE: Wheeeee!
GRANDPA JOE: I'm a shooting star!
CHARLIE: I'm a rocket! Grandpa, this is really great.
GRANDPA JOE: Look, I'm a bird! I feel light as a feather. 
Look down, Charlie. We're really high now.
CHARLIE: Watch this, Grandpa. (He somersaults.)
GRANDPA JOE: Wonderful, Charlie.
CHARLIE: Wow. Try it, Grandpa.
GRANDPA JOE: Oh, I don't know, I . . .
CHARLIE: Come on, Grandpa.
GRANDPA JOE: All right. (He somersaults.)
CHARLIE: Hey, you did it, Grandpa.
GRANDPA JOE: Ohhhh . . . ohhhh, I think I hit an air pocket.
CHARLIE: You can fly to the moon this way.
GRANDPA JOE: Let's just fly south for the winter.
CHARLIE: Why not? I'm a bird!
GRANDPA JOE: I'm a plane!
CHARLIE: I'm . . . going too high! Hey, Grandpa, I can't
get down! Help! Grandpa, the fan!
GRANDPA JOE: Stay away from it, Charlie; it'll chop us to
bits! We're in trouble, Charlie. I can't stop!
CHARLIE: It's pulling me in!
GRANDPA JOE: I can't stop! I can't stop!
CHARLIE: What do we do?
GRANDPA JOE: Grab hold of something, quick!
CHARLIE: There's nothing to grab on to! Help! We're gonna
get killed!
GRANDPA JOE: Help! Help!
CHARLIE: Help!
GRANDPA JOE: Mr. Wonka, please! Turn off the fan! Oh! Oh! 
(He burps.) Oooo, I'm going down! Quick, Charlie, burp,
burp! If you don't get down you'll be chopped into ribbons!
CHARLIE: Help! I can't! Help!
GRANDPA JOE: You've gotta burp, Charlie. It's the only way.
CHARLIE: (burps)
GRANDPA JOE: 'Atta boy. Burp again. (Charlie continues to
burp.) 'Atta boy, come on. Ahhhh, that's wonderful,
Charlie.
(The two burp back and forth.)
GRANDPA JOE: Grab onto me, Charlie. We're gonna be all
right now. (They land.) Good boy. From now on, we keep
our feet on the ground. Come on, let's catch up to the
others!
(One last burp.)
42. THE GEESE ROOM
WONKA: I know what you're thinking: They can't be doing what
they're doing. But they are. They have to. I haven't met
the Oompa Loompa yet who could do it. These are the geese
that lay the golden eggs. As you can see, they're larger
than ordinary geese. As a matter of fact, they're quadruple
size geese which produce octuple size eggs. They're laying
overtime right now for Easter.
MIKE: But Easter's over!
WONKA: Ssshhh . . . (He covers Mike's mouth.) They don't
know that. I'm trying to get ahead for next year.
MR. SALT: What happens if they drop one of those eggs,
Wonka?
WONKA: An omelet fit for a king, sir.
VERUCA: Are they chocolate eggs?
WONKA: Golden chocolate eggs. That's a great delicacy. But
I wouldn't get too close. The geese are very temperamental. 
That's why we have the Eggdicator.
MRS. TEEVEE: Eggdi-what?
WONKA: The Eggdicator. The Eggdicator can tell the
difference between a good egg and a bad egg. If it's a good
egg, it's shined up and shipped out all over the world. But
if it's a bad egg . . . down the chute.
GRANDPA JOE: It's an educated Eggdicator.
MR. SALT: It's a lot of nonsense.
WONKA: (singing) A little nonsense now and then is relished
by the wisest men.
VERUCA: Hey, Daddy, I want a golden goose.
CHARLIE: Here we go again.
MR. SALT: All right, sweetheart, all right. Daddy'll get
you a golden goose as soon as we get home.
VERUCA: No, I want one of those!
MR. SALT: Wonka, how much do you want for the golden goose?
WONKA: They're not for sale.
MR. SALT: Name your price.
WONKA: She can't have one.
VERUCA: Who says I can't?
MR. SALT: The man with the funny hat.
VERUCA: I want one! I want a golden goose!
Gooses,
Geeses,
I want my geese to lay gold eggs for Easter
MR. SALT:
It will, sweetheart.
VERUCA:
At least a hundred a day
MR. SALT:
Anything you say
VERUCA: 
And by the way . . .
MR. SALT: What?
VERUCA:
I want a feast
MR. SALT: You ate before you came to the factory.
VERUCA:
I WANT A BEAN FEAST
MR. SALT: Huh, one of those.
VERUCA:
CREAM BUNS AND DONUTS AND FRUITCAKE WITH NO NUTS
SO GOOD YOU COULD GO NUTS
MR. SALT: You can have all those things when you get home.
VERUCA: No, now!
I WANT A BALL
I WANT A PARTY
PINK MACAROONS AND A MILLION BALLOONS
AND PERFORMING BABOONS AND--
GIVE IT TO ME
MR. SALT: Later.
VERUCA: (elbowing Mr. Salt in the stomach) Now!
I WANT THE WORLD
I WANT THE WHOLE WORLD
I WANT TO LOCK IT ALL UP IN MY POCKET
IT'S MY BAR OF CHOCOLATE
GIVE IT TO ME NOW
I WANT TODAY
I WANT TOMORROW
I WANT TO WEAR 'EM LIKE BRAIDS IN MY HAIR
AND I DON'T WANT TO SHARE 'EM!
I WANT A PARTY WITH ROOMFULS OF LAUGHTERS
TEN THOUSAND TONS OF ICE CREAM
AND IF I DON'T GET THE THINGS I AM AFTER
I'M GOING TO SCREAM!
I WANT THE WORKS
I WANT THE WHOLE WORKS
PRESENTS AND PRIZES AND SWEETS AND SURPRISES
OF ALL SHAPES AND SIZES AND NOW!
DON'T CARE HOW
I WANT IT NOW
DON'T CARE HOW
I WANT IT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!
(Veruca, deemed a Bad Egg by the Eggdicator, falls down
the chute.)
WONKA: She was a bad egg.
MR. SALT: Um . . . where's she gone?
WONKA: Where all the other bad eggs go: down the garbage
chute.
MR. SALT: (laughing) The garbage chute. Where does it lead
to?
WONKA: To the furnace.
MR. SALT: (laughing heartily) To the furnace. She'll be
sizzled like a sausage.
WONKA: Well not necessarily. She could be stuck just inside
the tube.
MR. SALT: Inside the . . .? Hold on! Veruca, sweetheart,
Daddy's coming!
(He jumps down the Eggdicator chute.)
WONKA: There's gonna be a lot of garbage today.
GRANDPA JOE: Well, Mr. Salt finally got what he wanted.
CHARLIE: What's that?
GRANDPA JOE: Veruca went first.
CHARLIE: Mr. Wonka, they won't really be burned in the
furnace, will they?
WONKA: Hmmm . . . well, I think that furnace is lit only
every other day, so they have a good sporting chance,
haven't they.
OOMPA LOOMPAS:
OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADEE DOO
I'VE GOT ANOTHER PUZZLE FOR YOU
OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADAH DEE
IF YOU ARE WISE YOU'LL LISTEN TO ME
WHO DO YOU BLAME WHEN YOUR KID IS A BRAT?
PAMPERED AND SPOILED LIKE A SIAMESE CAT
BLAMING THE KIDS IS A LIE AND A SHAME
YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHO'S TO BLAME
THE MOTHER AND THE FATHER
OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADEE DAH
IF YOU'RE NOT SPOILED THEN YOU WILL GO FAR.
YOU WILL LIVE IN HAPPINESS TOO
LIKE THE OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADEE DO
WONKA: I don't understand it. The children are disappearing
like rabbits. Well, we still have each other. Shall we
press on?
MRS. TEEVEE: Mr. Wonka, can't we sit down for a minute? The
pace is killing me.
WONKA: My dear lady, transportation has already been
arranged.
43. WONKAMOBILE ROOM
(Oompa Loompas fill the Wonkamobile with soda.)
WONKA: Behold the Wonkamobile. A thing of beauty is a joy
forever. Places, please, the dance is about to begin. 
Better grab a seat, they're going fast.
GRANDPA JOE: Mr. Wonka, what's that they're filling it up
with?
WONKA: Oh, ginger ale, ginger pop, ginger beer, beer
bubbles, bubble-ade, bubble cola, double cola, double bubble
burp-a-cola, and all the crazy carbonated stuff that tickles
your nose. Few people realize what tremendous power there
is in one of those things.
GRANDPA JOE: Sorry I asked.
MIKE: You think Slugworth would pay extra to know about
this?
MRS. TEEVEE: Just keep your eyes open and your mouth shut.
WONKA: Everybody set?
CHARLIE: Is this gonna go fast, Grandpa?
GRANDPA JOE: It should, Charlie. It's got more gas in it
than a politician.
WONKA: Now hold on tight. I'm gonna really open her up this
time and see what she can do. Swifter than eagles . . .
stronger than lions . . .
(Bubble suds begin to spray out at everyone.)
MIKE AND MRS. TEEVEE: Ohhhhhhhh!
WONKA: Must be a leak in the distilling tubes.
CHARLIE: Grandpa!
GRANDPA JOE: I'm getting it too!
WONKA:
MARTHA! MARTHA! DU ENTSCHWANDEST 
[MARTHA! MARTHA! YOU HAVE VANISHED]
MIKE: It's getting in my eye!
WONKA: (continuous)
AH, MEIN GLUCK NAHMST DU MIT DIR
[MY HAPPINESS YOU TAKE WITH YOU]
MRS. TEEVEE: Oh, it's even in my shoes! I'm soaked! It'll
never come out!
MIKE: It's sticking to my gun.
WONKA: (continuous)
GEHT ES HIN WO DU ENTSCHWANDEST
[DOES IT GO WHERE YOU HAVE VANISHED]
ODER TEILE ES MIT MIR.
[OR (DO YOU) SHARE IT WITH ME.]
MRS. TEEVEE: Oh, my dress, my hair, my face! Ohhhhhh . . .
I'm sending you the cleaning bill, Mr. Wonka!
(They go through the Hsawaknow.)
MRS. TEEVEE: I'm dry cleaned!
CHARLIE: Hey, Grandpa, what was that we just went through?
WONKA: Hsawaknow.
MRS. TEEVEE: Is that Japanese?
WONKA: No, that's "Wonkawash" spelled backwards. That's it,
ladies and gentlemen. The journey is over.
GRANDPA JOE: Finest bath I've had in twenty years.
CHARLIE: Let's do it again, Mr. Wonka.
MRS. TEEVEE: You mean that's as far as it goes?
MIKE: Couldn't we have walked?
WONKA: If the Good Lord had intended us to walk, he wouldn't
have invented roller skates. Now would you all please put
these on? (They take white coats and goggles.) We have to
be very careful. There's dangerous stuff inside.
44. WONKAVISION ROOM
WONKA: Wonkavision: my very latest and greatest invention.
MIKE: It's television.
WONKA: Uh, it's Wonkavision. Now I suppose you all know how
ordinary television works. You photograph something and--
MIKE: Sure, I do. You photograph something, and then the
photograph is split up into millions of tiny pieces, and
they go whizzing through the air down to your TV set where
they're all put together again in the right order.
WONKA: You should open your mouth a little wider when you
speak. So I said to myself, "If they can do it with a
photograph, why can't I do it with a bar of chocolate?" I
shall now send this chocolate bar from one end of the room
to the other. It has to be big because whenever you
transmit something by television, it always ends up smaller
on the other end. Goggles on, please. Lights, camera,
action!
MRS. TEEVEE: (screams)
WONKA: You can remove your goggles.
CHARLIE: Where's the chocolate?
WONKA: It's flying over our heads in a million pieces. Now
watch the screen. Here it comes. There it is. Take it.
MIKE: How can you take it? It's just a picture.
WONKA: All right, you take it.
CHARLIE: It's real.
WONKA: Taste it; it's delicious. It's just gotten smaller,
that's all.
CHARLIE: It's perfect.
MRS. TEEVEE: It's unbelievable.
GRANDPA JOE: It's a miracle.
MIKE: It's a TV dinner.
WONKA: It's Wonkavision.
GRANDPA JOE: It could change the world.
MIKE: Mr. Wonka, can you send other things? Not just
chocolate, I mean.
WONKA: Anything you like.
MIKE: What about . . . people?
WONKA: People? Hmmm . . . I don't really know. I suppose I
could. Yes, I'm sure I could. I'm pretty sure I could. 
But it might have some messy results.
MIKE: Look at me; I'm gonna be the first person in the world
to be sent by television!
MRS. TEEVEE: Mike, get away from that thing!
WONKA: Stop, don't, come back . . .
MIKE: Lights, camera, action!
MRS. TEEVEE: Mike! Where are you?
GRANDPA JOE: He's up there, in a million pieces!
MRS. TEEVEE: Mike! Are you there?
WONKA: No good shouting here. Watch the screen.
MRS. TEEVEE: Mike? Why's he taking so long?
CHARLIE: Million pieces take a long time to put together.
MRS. TEEVEE: Oh, where are they?
WONKA: There's definitely something coming through.
MRS. TEEVEE: Is it Mike?
WONKA: Well it's hard to tell, but I--
MRS. TEEVEE: (wailing at the sight of Mike, now shrunk)
Ooooooooh ho-hoooooh!
GRANDPA JOE: Our little group is getting smaller by the
minute.
MIKE: Look at me, everybody; I'm the first person in the
world to be sent by television. Wow, what a wild trip that
was. It's the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. 
Am I coming in clear? Hey, Mom, I said, "Am I coming in
clear?"
WONKA: Great. He's completely unharmed.
MRS. TEEVEE: You call that unharmed?!
MIKE: Wow, that was something. Can I do it again?
MRS. TEEVEE: No, there'll be nothing left.
MIKE: Don't worry about a thing, Mom; I feel fine. I'm
famous. I'm a TV star. Wait 'til the kids back home hear
about this.
MRS. TEEVEE: Nobody's gonna hear about this.
MIKE: Where are you taking me? I don't wanna go in there!
(Mrs. Teevee puts Mike in her purse.)
MIKE (in the purse): Hey, let me out! It's dark in here.
MRS. TEEVEE: Be quiet. (to Mr. Wonka) Well . . .
MIKE (in the purse): Come on, Mom, I want to be on TV.
WONKA: Well, fortunately small boys are extremely springy
and elastic, . . .
MIKE (in the purse): Let me out, Mom, or I'll gnaw*** my way
out.
WONKA: (continuous) . . . so I think we'll put him in my
special taffy-pulling machine. That should do the trick.
MIKE (in the purse): I'm warning you, Mom; there's a nail
file in here . . .
MRS. TEEVEE: Taffy . . .
WONKA: (to an Oompa Loompa) To the taffy-pulling room. 
You'll find the boy in his mother's purse. But be extremely
careful.
MIKE (in the purse): (on "You'll") If you don't let me out,
I'll [smear your lipstick]*** all over everything.
MRS. TEEVEE: (losing it) T-t-taffy pull-- (as the Oompa
Loompa whispers to Willy Wonka) Oh, what's he saying?
(Mike continues to protest.)***
WONKA: (to the Oompa Loompa) No, no, I won't hold you
responsible.
(Mrs. Teevee faints backwards into Grandpa Joe's arms.)
WONKA: And now, my dearest lady, it's time to say goodbye. 
(Mrs. Teevee emits a noise.) No, no, don't speak. For some
moments in life there are no words. Run along now. (The
Oompa Loompas drag her out.) Adieu, adieu, parting is such
sweet sorrow.
OOMPA LOOMPAS:
OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADEE DOO
I'VE GOT ANOTHER PUZZLE FOR YOU
OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADAH DEE
IF YOU ARE WISE YOU'LL LISTEN TO ME
WHAT DO YOU GET FROM A GLUT OF TV?
A PAIN IN THE NECK AND AN I.Q. OF THREE
WHY DON'T YOU TRY SIMPLY READING A BOOK?
OR COULD YOU JUST NOT BEAR TO LOOK?
YOU'LL GET NO
YOU'LL GET NO
YOU'LL GET NO
YOU'LL GET NO
YOU'LL GET NO COMMERCIALS.
OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADEE DAH
IF YOU'RE NOT GREEDY YOU WILL GO FAR
YOU WILL LIVE IN HAPPINESS TOO
LIKE THE
OOMPA
OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADEE DO
45. OUTSIDE WILLY WONKA'S OFFICE
WONKA: So much to do, so much to do, invoices and bills,
letters . . . I must answer that note from the queen.
CHARLIE: Mr. Wonka, what's gonna happen to the other kids? 
Augustus, Veruca?
WONKA: My dear boy, I promise you they'll be quite all
right. When they leave here, they'll be completely restored
to their normal, terrible old selves. But maybe they'll be
a little bit wiser for the wear. Anyway, don't worry about
them.
GRANDPA JOE: Eh, what do we do now, Mr. Wonka?
WONKA: Oh, yes, well, I hope you enjoyed yourselves. Excuse
me for not showing you out. Straight up the stairs. You'll
find the way. I'm terribly busy. Whole day wasted. Goodbye
to you both. Goodbye. (He enters his office.)
CHARLIE: What happened? Did we do something wrong?
GRANDPA JOE: I don't know, Charlie. But I'm gonna find out.
(They enter the office.)
46. WILLY WONKA'S OFFICE
(Everything is cut in half.)
GRANDPA JOE: Mr. Wonka?
WONKA: I am extraordinarily busy, sir.
GRANDPA JOE: I just wanted to ask about the chocolate. The-
the lifetime supply of chocolate, for Charlie. When does he get
it?
WONKA: He doesn't.
GRANDPA JOE: Why not?
WONKA: Because he broke the rules.
GRANDPA JOE: What rules? We didn't see any rules, did we,
Charlie?
WONKA: Wrong, sir, wrong! Under Section Thirty-Seven B of
the contract signed by him it states quite clearly that all
offers shall become null and void if--and you can read it
for yourself in this photostatic copy: "I, the undersigned,
shall forfeit all rights, privileges, and licenses herein
and herein contained, et cetera, et cetera . . . fax mentis
incendium gloria culpum, et cetera, et cetera . . . memo bis
punitor delicatum!" It's all there, black and white, clear
as crystal! You stole Fizzy Lifting Drinks! You bumped
into the ceiling which now has to be washed and sterilized,
so you get NOTHING! YOU LOSE! GOOD DAY, SIR!
GRANDPA JOE: You're a crook. You're a cheat and a swindler! 
That's what you are! How can you do a thing like this?! 
Build up a little boy's hopes and then smash all his dreams
to pieces?! YOU'RE AN INHUMAN MONSTER!
WONKA: I SAID GOOD DAY!
GRANDPA JOE: Come on, Charlie, let's get out of here. I'll
get even with him if it's the last thing I ever do. If
Slugworth wants a Gobstopper, he'll get one.
(Long pause.)
CHARLIE: Mr. Wonka . . .
(Charlie leaves the Gobstopper on Willy Wonka's desk.)
WONKA: So shines a good deed in a weary world. Charlie . .
. my boy . . . You won! You did it! You did it! I knew
you would; I just knew you would. Oh, Charlie, forgive me
for putting you through this. Please, forgive me. Come in,
Mr. Wilkinson. Charlie, meet Mr. Wilkinson.
(Wilkinson--formerly known as Slugworth--enters.)
WILKINSON: Pleasure.
CHARLIE: Slugworth!
WONKA: No, no, that's not Slugworth. He works for me.
CHARLIE: For you?
WONKA: I had to test you, Charlie. And you passed the test. 
You won!
GRANDPA JOE: Won what?
WONKA: The jackpot, my dear sir, the grand and glorious
jackpot.
CHARLIE: The chocolate?
WONKA: The chocolate, yes, the chocolate, but that's just
the beginning. We have to get on, we have to get on; we
have so much time, and so little to do. Strike that. 
Reverse it. This way please. We'll take the Wonkavator. 
Step in, Charlie. Grandpa Joe, sir. This is the Great
Glass Wonkavator.
GRANDPA JOE: It's an elevator.
WONKA: It's a Wonkavator. An elevator can only go up and
down, but the Wonkavator can go sideways and slantways and
longways and backways . . .
CHARLIE: And frontways?
WONKA: . . . and squareways and frontways and any other ways
that you can think of. It can take you to any room in the
whole factory just by pressing one of these buttons. Any of
these buttons. Just press a button and ZING! You're off. 
And up until now I've pressed them all . . . except one. 
This one. Go ahead, Charlie.
CHARLIE: Me? (He pushes the button.)
WONKA: There it goes. Hold on tight. I'm not exactly sure
what's going to happen. Faster, faster . . . If we don't
pick up enough speed, we'll never get through.
CHARLIE: Get through what?
WONKA: Ah-ha!
GRANDPA JOE: You mean we're going . . .?
WONKA: Up and out!
GRANDPA JOE: But this roof is made of glass. It'll shatter
into a thousand pieces. We'll be cut to ribbons!
WONKA: Probably. Hold on, everybody. Here it comes!
(The Wonkavator crashes through the roof and flies into
the sky.)
GRANDPA JOE: You did it, Mr. Wonka, congratulations!
WONKA: Get up. Take a look.
CHARLIE: Grandpa, our town looks so pretty from up here.
GRANDPA JOE: Yeah, look over here, Charlie. I think I see
our house.
CHARLIE: Wow.
GRANDPA JOE: It really looks beautiful.
CHARLIE: There's my school, Grandpa.
WONKA: How did you like the chocolate factory, Charlie?
CHARLIE: I think it's the most wonderful place in the whole
world.
WONKA: I'm very pleased to hear you say that because I'm
giving it to you. That's all right, isn't it?
GRANDPA JOE: You're giving Charlie the--?
WONKA: I can't go on forever, and I don't really want to
try. So, who can I trust to run the factory when I leave
and take care of the Oompa Loompas for me? Not a grownup. 
A grownup would want to do everything his own way, not mine. 
That's why I decided a long time ago I had to find a child. 
A very honest, loving child to whom I can tell all my most
precious candy making secrets.
CHARLIE: And that's why you sent out the Golden Tickets.
WONKA: That's right. So the factory's yours, Charlie; you
can move in immediately.
GRANDPA JOE: And me?
WONKA: Absolutely.
CHARLIE: What happens to the rest of--
WONKA: The whole family. I want you to bring them all. 
(Charlie hugs him.) But Charlie . . . don't forget what
happened to the man who suddenly got everything he always
wanted.
CHARLIE: What happened?
WONKA: He lived happily ever after.
END CREDIT SINGERS (VOICEOVER):
IF YOU WANT TO VIEW PARADISE
SIMPLY LOOK AROUND AND VIEW IT
ANYTHING YOU WANT TO, DO IT
WANT TO MAKE THE WORLD
THERE'S NOTHING TO IT
THERE IS NO LIFE I KNOW
TO COMPARE WITH PURE IMAGINATION
LIVING THERE
YOU'LL BE FREE
IF YOU TRULY WISH TO BE
THE END
Category:Transcripts