From Rags To Riches To Rags Again

From Rags To Riches To Rags Again is the debut episode of the series NKC's 3rd season. It was written by Locknloaded23, and released February 26th of 2022. 
The episode was first announced on February 20th of 2022, after the show's 2nd season wrapped up with the episode The Aftermath. A day later, Lock made the episode's titlecard and the page for the episode. 
== Plot ==
Squilliam loses everything after making controversial statements and must abandon the public life.
== Script ==
(Episode begins with a zoomout of a very fancy mansion)
Narrator: Take a gander, if you will, at this very prestigious mansion. It costs 5 million dollars, has diamond chandeliers, 5 hot tubs, lamborghinis, every fancy thing an entrepreneur would want. Want to know who lives in this mansion? Why, it just so happens this mansion here is owned by the richest person in Bikini Bottom - Squilliam Fancyson. 
(Fade into Squilliam Fancyson in the hot tub, drinking shrimp martini while also in the back of a lamborghini parked onto a yacht)
Narrator: World renowned for his immense wealth, and very successful music career, it seemed the Squilliam Fancyson name would not go down anytime soon. But then, one fateful day, that all changed. Let’s watch.
(Fade to Squilliam in his mansion, getting out of bed)
Squilliam: Ah, another day of being filthy rich. (Walks downstairs, to the coffee machine; he attempts to pour coffee, but there is none in the pot) What the Hell? Where in the fuck is my coffee?
Butler: (walking in) Oh, sorry, sir. I must’ve drank it all without realizing.
Squilliam: When the Hell could you have drank all my coffee?
Butler: I was up all night last night, sir.
Squilliam: Well, fuck! (Slams the coffee pot down on the floor, making it shatter into several pieces) I GUESS I’M FUCK OUT OF LUCK AREN’T I?! AIN’T THIS GREAT?! I LOVE MY FUCKING INCOMPETENT ASS BUTLERS!
Butler: Sir, you promise you’d stop insulting your loyal butlers like that!
Squilliam: (Holds hand to crotch) WHY DON’T YOU SUCK MY NUTS YOU PIECE OF SHIT. 
Butler: Squilliam, the butlers really don’t like your abusive-
Squilliam: I DON’T GIVE A RAT’S ASS ABOUT MY BUTLERS! THEY’RE ALL FUCKING (Bleeped out swearing)!
(The butler is incredibly shocked at what he just heard)
Squilliam: I’m sorry, I swear that just slipped out. I’m not racist.
Butler: Sir, I really don’t think you realize how bad the thing you just said was. You could get in serious trouble if you were caught saying that!
Squilliam: Well, let’s just keep this between us, Okay?
Butler: (Sighs) I suppose.
Squilliam: Now I gotta go take the car out for a while. I need some fresh air, to get my mind off this. Maybe I’ll visit that fancy coffee shop that opened a little while ago.
(Squilliam walks off, and the Butler raises his phone up, and presses it; on the phone we hear Squilliam’s racist remark still censored, and the butler smirks)
(Fade to Squilliam going outside, and entering his boat. He drives out of his mansion, but hits the backend of another boat)
Squilliam: Oh, for fuck’s sake!
(Fred climbs out of the other boat, going to Squilliam)
Fred: My god, I’m so sorry, I- (Realizing who he’s talking to) Are you, Squilliam Fancyson?
Squilliam: Yes, and you just fucking wrecked my god damn boat!
Fred: I’m so sorry, sir, I-
Squilliam: NAH, NAH, it’s my fault. (Deep sigh) I guess I’ll just walk, while my damn boat gets towed. (Hands Fred 5 dollars) Here’s 5 dollars to get out of my face.
(Squilliam walks off as his car gets towed; fade to him going to the doors of the coffee shop, but they won’t open)
Squilliam: Oh for fuck’s sake… why aren’t these doors budging?
(A small fish walks out)
Fish: Oh, did you not hear? The coffee shop’s closed for good.
Squilliam: What the Hell?! Why?!
Fish: Apparently, our coffee machine was infected with coronavirus.
Squilliam: How the Hell does that happen?
Fish: Beats me.
Squilliam: Well, can I buy the coffee shop to have it reopen? I am Squilliam Fancyson, the richest person in Bikini Bottom.
Fish: No, it doesn’t work like that. I don’t even own the shop. We’re sorry for the inconvenience. (Walks off)
Squilliam: (Angrily under breath) Inconvenience my fuckins balls. 
Fish: (offscreen) Get better insults!
(Squilliam angrily groans as he walks to the sidewalk)
Squilliam: Oh, GOD damnit, I forgot my god damn car was fucking towed!
(Squilliam begins breathing in and out with rage, before exhaling calmly)
Squilliam: It’s okay, Squilliam. It’s just a few inconveniences. You can get through this. I suppose I should call my butler and tell him I won’t be home in quite a while. (Squilliam takes out his jewel encrusted phone, but drops and breaks it; at this point he screams in rage, and begins kicking the nearest boat, denting the sides as he storms home)
(Fade to Squilliam returning to his mansion; he slams the door shut, kicks over a vase, and breaks a painting on the wall over his knee as he sits down in his chair, still incredibly angry; the butler comes by his side)
Butler: Is everything okay, sir? You came home late today.
Squilliam: No, I am decidedly NOT fine. Today has been the WORST day of my ENTIRE life.
Butler: If I may ask, what exactly happened?
Squilliam: FIRST, the coffee pot is empty, so THEN, I drive to the coffee shop, but THEN, my car crashes into another person’s car, so I got my car TOWED, AND THEN, THE GOD DAMN COFFEE SHOP WAS CLOSED, AND THEN I BROKE MY JEWEL ENCRUSTED PHONE!
Butler: Today might’ve been bad, but tomorrow will be better, I am sure of it, Squilliam.
Squilliam: …I guess you’re right. Hmmm, I do have a lot of money. Yeah, what was I so worked up over? I’ll just buy a new coffee pot, car, and-
Butler: Oh, I don’t think you can do that… 
Squilliam: Why not?
Butler: Uh, we were robbed. $3 million were stolen. We haven’t caught the thief. 
(Squilliam just stares blankly, and eventually begins shaken in his chair while breathing in and out deeply; after a little while, he just exhales calmly, and sits with his eyes closed)
Butler: Uh.. everything okay, Squilliam?
(Squilliam doesn’t respond; instead, he just grabs his laptop, and logs onto Twitter)
Butler: Oh, sir, I beg you - don’t use Twitter while angry!
(Squilliam doesn’t respond; instead, he begins typing, before hitting send)
Squilliam: (Calmly) Done.
(The Butler reads the tweet, and gasps in shock)
Butler: Sir… You CANT SAY THAT, YOU’LL-
(Squilliam just sits up and walks off)
Squilliam: So who’s gonna know? I’m a millionaire. I can get away with whatever!
Butler: You have 3mil twitter followers, sir, you-
Squilliam: I don’t wanna hear it! Nothing will happen, I promise. I just had to blow out some steam. I’m sure they’ll understand.
(5 hours later titmecard)
(A brick flies through the window)
Squilliam: Another fucking brick! God damnit!
Butler: Wow, they got here quicker than I expected.
(Squilliam runs to his window and there’s an entire mob outside his mansion, screaming)
Squilliam: Holy fuck, the mob was bigger than I thought it’d be.
(The news station suddenly turns on)
Anchor: This just in; local millionaire Squilliam Fancyson is under intense controversy right now, after a very racially insensitive tweet. The tweet reads, (Long censored bleep).
Squilliam: Wow. I admit that didn’t sound that bad in my head.
Anchor: This also just in, a video was recently leaked online of Squilliam also making racially insensitive comments.
(It plays the footage from earlier where Squilliam screams a racially insensitive comment to his Butler; Squilliam looks angrily at his Butler)
Butler: Karma, bitch.
Squilliam: Well… I’m sure this’ll all blow over in a day. These people can’t be mad at me FOREVER.
(A ring is heard on the phone; Squilliam picks it up, talks a bit, then hangs up)
Butler: Who was that?
Squilliam: It was the news station. They’re giving me a chance to clear my name in an interview. I gotta go quick.
(Squilliam rushes out the door; running to his lamborghini while being attacked by several people in the mob; as Squilliam drives through town he gets angry glares by the townsfolk, and things thrown at him; when Squilliam arrives at the news station, it cuts to him next to the news anchor)
News Anchor: This just in, we are conducting an interview with Squilliam Fancyson, about his racially insensitive Tweet.
Squilliam: Uh, hi. Glad to be here, I guess.
Anchor: Squilliam, tell us: did you mean any of what you said in this tweet?
Squilliam: No, of course not. Well… maybe I did mean SOME parts of it, but I’m certainly not a racist.
Anchor: Uh, “certain parts?”
Squilliam: Well, for instance, I think the part about (long censored bleep) is at least a little accurate.
Anchor: Really? That was the worst part of the Tweet.
Squilliam: Well, you have to believe me when I say, I was just really, REALLY pissed off the day I tweeted that.
Anchor: Alright, so-
Squilliam: I mean, I had lots of bad experiences with fish of color all day. First my car got totaled. Then the coffee shop shut down. Then my phone broke. So I had just, lost it. I lashed out at them. I didn’t think anyone would mind, but I guess most people these days are just crybabies.
(Sudden cut to Squilliam back at his mansion, with his head in his hands as he sits in his chair with shame)
Squilliam: (Quietly) why did I have to run my mouth?
Butler: They seem even angrier after that interview, sir.
Squilliam: What I don’t get is why am I still under fire. I’m a fucking millionaire; I can get out of anything cus I’m so damn rich. And yet my reputation has absolutely crumbled in just a few short hours. I am glared at on the street now. You don’t see this kind of shit happening to Elon Musket, do you?
(Laugh track)
(A knock is heard on his door; Squilliam opens it, and it’s the Landlord)
Squilliam: Oh, landlord. What’re you doing here?
Landlord: I’m here to evict you.
Squilliam: What?!?!?! (Shaking Landlord) Are you kidding me?!
Landlord: PUT ME DOWN, PLEASE!
Squilliam: (Awkwardly putting Landlord down) Uh, sorry.
Landlord: I’m sorry, Mr. Fancyson, but we’ve been getting lots of complaints around the neighborhood about how you apparently are a racist piece of shit. And so we have to evict you, because if I get one more god damn phone call about this I am gonna snap.
Squilliam: But, can’t I stay for a few more days?
Landlord: No, you have to leave. I’m sorry, but I just can’t deal with any shit. one of my Landlord buddies was recently killed and had his corpse fucked.
Squilliam: Too much information, dude.
Landlord: So… please get out.
Squilliam: But don’t I get time to pack?
Landlord: No, we’d get even more phone calls.
Squilliam: (Sadly, at a loss for words) Well… I guess this is it for me. Butler, you are free to go.
Butler: Fine by me. (The butler walks out the mansion in sunglasses, and drives away in a lamborghini)
Squilliam: WHAT THE FUCK, HE STOLE MY LAMBORGHINI!
Landlord: Enough talking, more getting off my property.
(Squilliam hesitates for a bit, before walking out of his mansion; he hangs his head in shame as the crowd boos him as he walks out the gates; Squilliam slowly walks to a bus stop bench, and ponders the situation, before laying on it)
Squilliam: Well… At least I still have my wealth. That won’t go away.
(Squilliam opens his wallet and sees he has no money left)
Squilliam: Oh. My. Fucking. God. I left. My god damn. Money. In. The. Fucking. Mansion.
(Cut to show the Landlord inspecting the place, then finding Squilliam’s large stack of money; his jaw literally drops to the floor)
Squilliam: (long, deep, sad sigh) I guess this bench is my home now… (A tear drops from his eye)
(We see multiple fades of Squilliam sleeping on the bench, getting more and more unkempt with each fade; finally fade to Squilliam sleeping on the bus bench, incredibly unkempt and using a newspaper as a blanket with a bottle of beer in hand)
Squilliam: (drunken slur) screw those guys, who (burps) needed a mansion anyway? Who needed (coughs) 5 million dollars? Not me! I am just fine here. This is the greatest home I’ve ever fucking had. Homes are for losers!
(A fish couple walk by; the boy says “what a freak,” as the girl rolls her eyes)
Squilliam: Hey, fuck you! I fucked your mother! (Gags) Shit, I need to throw up. This newspaper will have to do.
(Squilliam picks up the newspaper but stops when he sees an intriguing advert)
Squilliam: (reading; still with drunken slur) come live in New Kelp City, where (burps) everyone belongs. (Stops reading) New Kelp City? I've heard of that place. Didn't the city burn down after tons of riots? (Thinks on it a bit) Well, my reputation in this town is already shattered beyond repair - why not move to a new city? I'll have to fake my own death, though. Maybe I can fake a car crash.
(Cut to footage of a car crash, and the 2 cars involved explode; cut back to Squilliam watching this happen)
Squilliam: uh, maybe faking my death isn't the way to go. 
(Squilliam looks at his beer bottle, seeing his own reflection, sighing)
Squilliam: Look at what you've become. You really gotta start fresh. You will have to leave and never look back. I guess it's time to abandon this backwater town and move to… New Kelp City.
(fade to black as the episode ends with “To be continued” text)
Category:2022
Category:2022 Episodes
Category:2022 Transcripts
Category:Locknloaded23
Category:Episodes written by Locknloaded23
Category:Episodes
Category:Episode transcripts
Category:Transcripts
Category:NKC
Category:2020s