Keyz

thumb | Cartoon Version of Keyz
Keyz is one of the secondary supporting hosts on The Awful Show. He is an ultra-high power jet engine running on 87 octane. The distortion of his cognitive processes can mostly be attributed to ingestion of excruciatingly massive quantities of undercooked red meat, experimental antidepressants and warm Mountain Dew.
Keyz was able to force his way onto college radio by threatening the program director with a hypodermic syringe filled with Vanilla Coke, claiming it was Uranium-238, the kind made famous by Marvin the Martian. He headed several different programs including a heavy metal program and a classical music show. During this period, he met Nerraux. Inevitably, Keyz graduated and moved on to his true calling, selling shoes to fat women. It was less than a year later he saw an article on MSNBC stating that selling shoes to fat women could not be considered a true calling.
Lost, Keyz wandered through SW Pennsylvania trying to fill the gap with meaningless endeavors like marriage. This clouded his judgment and he later found himself being a co-host on a NASCAR talk show on a Country radio station. On the brink of total mediocrity, he snapped himself out of his walking coma and got a divorce.
Shortly after moving to an apartment south of Pittsburgh, Keyz was called by The Awful Show for commentary during the show's second broadcast. From the third show on, Keyz was a regular on The Awful Show.
Keyz is presently receiving psychological counseling for his sexual obsession with 16-year old gymnasts.
Category:Hosts