Goofy Visits The Sampsons (Real)

10th episode of The Sampsons. Happy Disney Plus Day.
==Transcript==
(at disney headquarters)
Disnenployee (yes they are called that): Hmm, it appears disney plus day is upon us, how can we properly maximize profits
Walt Disney Head: Goofy….Goofy. Use Goofy....
Disnenployee: But sir, we already made How To Stay At Home shorts with Goofy to profit off a pandemic that is killing millions in august to great success, what else could we do?
Walt Disney Head: ox...ox…
Disnenployee: Fox? You mean like putting Goofy in The Simpsons?
Walt Disney Head: No...Box. The Sampsons.
(LIGHTNING STRIKE)
Disnenployee: Let’s go find our Goof.
(They teleport to wherever Goofy is)
Donald: Sora, it’s Sephiroth!
Goofy: Ain’t Sephiroth supposed to be the dark part of Cloud’s heart?
Sephiroth: (sees Walt Disney Head) OH MY GOD NOT THOSE GUYS AAAAAAAAAA (runs away)
Sora: who
Donald: Mr. Disney! Were we doing something wrong?
Walt Disney Head: Goofy… (opens mouth and a dark gas substance floats out and surrounds Goofy)
Goofy: Gwarsh not again
(Walt Disney Head disappears with Goofy)
Sora: what
(Back in DISNEY HQ)
Goofy: So, you mean to tell me I’m guest starring with a family called “The Sampsons”.
Walt Disney Head: Yes…
Goofy: Hmm, let’s see some of their work. (reads American Dad Speedrunning) WOWZA! I CAN’T GO THERE!
Walt Disney Head: MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY
Goofy: NOOOOOOOOOOOO
CrazySponge: hey did somebody say money i enjoy that substance
(Goofy teleports in front of The Sampsons house)
Goofy: Gwarsh I hope none of this world’s personality affects mine.
(ding dong)
Merge: HUMIE GET THE DOOR
Humer: cant think only donut
Lisa: Don’t worry mom I got this just lemme finish this tickotk
Merge: BERT wait no thats a bad idea MIGGIE wait she’s a baby FUCK
Stanta’s Little Helper: Don’t worry Merge, me, Stanta, has it covered. Bark
(Stanta opens the door and Goofy walks in)
Goofy: Heh-hey everybody! (applause) Ah-hyuck! That’s right, it’s me, Goofy!
Stanta’s Little Helper: I have no idea who you are and do not like it.
Goofy: Guh-huh, this is a total bruh moment!
Stanta’s Little Helper: BARK BARK BARK BARK
Merge: God fucking damn it it’s some guy we don’t know- IS THAT A HUMAN DOG
Humer: FURRY! SHOOT HIM!
Goofy: Ahyuck wait did you say thats a dog
Stanta’s Little Helper: woof
Goofy: Existential Crisis
(Merge brings out a gun and shoots Goofy in the ass)
Goofy: Oh-oh-oh NOOOO!
Humer: need donut
Goofy: SOMEONE HELP ME
Humer: will heal if donut given
Goofy: OKAY (runs over to the kitchen, grabs a donut and shoves it in Humer’s mouth)
Humer: mmm donut ok i now heal you
(Goofy’s ass is healed)
Goofy: Gwarsh mister, that’s impressive. What’s your name?
Humer: humer
Goofy: Homer?
Humer: hum
Goofy: Ohh...Humer. Strange. That’s a goofy name.
Humer: What be your name
Goofy: Goofy.
Humer: interesting (drinks beer)
Goofy: Humer, what are you drinking?
Humer: duff (burp) beer
Goofy: Beer, huh? Never heard of such a thing. Lemme try.
(Goofy swipes the beer and chugs it down)
Humer: DAMN DOG STEALING MY BEER AGAIN
Stanta’s Little Helper: well it wasnt me this time
Goofy: Gwarsh Humer, this beer really hits the spot, HYUCK
Humer: Now you’re starting to understand. We got a lot more to show you in this household BERT OH MY GOD I SEE YOU IN THE CORNER
Bert: damn 
Goofy: I feel very drunk right now.
Humer: GOOD. THIS IS NORMAL.
Merge: Well it seems you two are making great conversations together
Humer: Shut the fuck up now anyway we have lots more to show you in this household would you like to see
(Goofy looks at Bert in the corner)
Goofy: Er...I’d like to go outside.
Stanta’s Little Helper: me too I need to take a piss
(They go outside)
Goofy: Wowie Humer. What a boring town.
Humer: yep it be my boring town alright cmon let me show you around
(they teleport to Mue’s)
Mue: Hey Hey Humer who the hell is the new guy
Goofy: Why shucks mister I be the famous Goofy of Walt Disney Co.
Mue: isnt that owned by jasbre corp or whatever
Humer: Ay come on Mue give my new pal some more beer will ya
Mue: Yes yes one god damn second you fucking fat fucker fuck shit Sorry Sorry gotta work on my politeness
Goofy: Geeze, is everyone offensive here?
Humer: Yes we’re racist sexist uhhhhhh everythin else
Goofy: I don’t think this is family friendly enough for Disney.
Humer: You know what I think I think you need some more duff (burp) yeh
Goofy: Well, I can’t argue with more beer.
(Humer pours beer down Goofy’s mouth)
Mue: Shh shh quiet everyone i’m getting a call (picks up the phone) Ello
Bert: (pff) heh hey hey
Mue: Yeah?
Bert: i’m lookin for a guy
Mue: Alright. What’s their name?
Bert: YOUR MUM AHHAHAHAhAHAHahhaHaHAH
Mue: Ok guys do we have a “Your Mum Ahhahahahahahahhahahah” here?
(silence)
Mue: Wait a minute…
Bert: (pfff)
Mue: OKAY LISTEN HERE YOU LITTLE FUCKING FUCK FUCKER FUCKING FUCK FUCK 
Humer: this goes on for a few hours
Mue: FUCKING FUCK FUCKER FUCK FUCKFACE FUCKING FUCKERY FUCKERLINO FUCKEROONIE
Goofy: Gee that's a lot of swearing. But I do agree that kid should stop prank callin’. What’s his name?
Humer: bert hes my sun stupido
Goofy: Aw geeze…
(Cut to Goofy speaking to Bert)
Bert: wait you’re a famous person who makes jokes do you happen to know Kranky The Klown
Goofy: who
Bert: damn now get OUT OF MY ROOM
Goofy: No, you need to learn some manners.
Bert: THE FUCK YOU SAY TO ME YOU LITTLE SHIT
Goofy: There’s evidence why. Also you masturbate everywhere so you should really get punished for that.
Bert: nuh-uh not until the series finale
Goofy: Welp. I tried. There’s no saving you.
Bert: just so you know i have other hobbies like skateboarding and stuff
Goofy: Gwarsh Bert, you should meet my son Max, he love skateboardin.
(Max walks in)
Max: Dad, don’t ruin this first impression for me again! Hey Bert, im hip n cool just like you, and i have a girlfriend named roxanne, she’s HOT AS FUCK
Bert: (jaw drops) Wow.
Goofy: yeah im leaving this conversation
(Goofy walks back outside)
Humer: whats happening buddy
Goofy: Well, this crossover has been quite boring and if something exciting doesnt happen Walt might not pay me this week!
Humer: hmm you need something exciting
Goofy: But this town is really boring!
Humer: you could shop at Barnes and Noble
(barnes and noble)
Mr. Barns: Hm I need to restock these amazon kindles OH MY GOD THEY’RE ALL OUT OF RESTOCK whatever that means hey mr goofy person down there gimme some money so i can order a better tablet
Goofy: Uhh, okay.
Mr. Barns: yes finally we can now buy some of those nook tablets other barnes and nobles have hooray
Goofy: Well, that wasn’t too exciting.
Humer: HMMMMM well i did try skateboarding over the sproinkfeld gorge once thats exciting now
Goofy: Alright. I’ll bite.
(At the Sproinkfeld Gorge)
Humer: its very easy i did it and totally made it yes yes
Goofy: Okay Goof, you got this. Just do it how Max does...which I dont know how to do.
Humer: ok are you ready
Goofy: Gwarsh Humer I just can’t believe im about to jump over this
Humer: ok i take that as a yes
(Humer pushes Goofy and Goofy starts speeding up)
Goofy: Wait I’m not ready!
(Goofy goes up into the sky)
Goofy: Oh wow that was quite easy
(falls)
Goofy: AAAAHEEOOEoAOaAoAOa
Humer: ah well
(Goofy hits the ground and breaks his legs)
Goofy: AH! FUCK! Wait a second! No! I can’t swear this world is corrupting me! I gotta get out of here! I can’t let this door of darkness take me anymore!
(Mickey appears)
Mickey: Say fellas, did somebody mention the door to darkness?
(Mickey stands in an A pose in his Kingdom Hearts outfit)
Goofy: King Mickey!
Mickey: Don’t worry Goofy, I’ll return you to Donald and Sora to defeat Sephiroth, and I'll use the wizard’s magic to make everyone, including Walt Disney, forget that this ever happened.
CrazySponge: except me i’ll never forget this truly beautiful experience (sheds a tear)
Mickey: (turns to the camera) And for you, I’ll stop talking since I know none of you understand the Kingdom Hearts lore (wink)
(Mickey opens up a portal)
Mickey: REALITY IS AN ILLUSION THE UNIVERSE IS A HOLOGRAM BUY GOLD BYEEEEEEEEE
(they disappear)
(Bill Cipher appears)
Bill Cipher: buy crytpotot sucfucjerks
Humer: hm welp time to continue chomping down on that donut
Bert: i need someone chomping down on this dick
Max: Please. Please get me out of here. Help.
Roxanne: I’m stuck here too.
CrazySponge: (jaw drop) (button suit) (clears throat) (brushes hair) (sets up tie) He- (voice cracks) HeeyeeEeEyEyeyeyyy. God. Damn it. I’LL GET YOU ONE DAY!!!
Humer: screw all of this this is the sampsons not the disneysons (walks off the edge of the gorge)
(THE END DAHD AHHDHAHHAHHAHDAH DHBADBADBABAHA H BUM BUM BUM BUM)
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