Shocking Truth/Script

Nice Peter: I’m Nice Peter!
Zach Sherwin: I’m not a peasant.
Nice Peter: And this is Total Drama ERB!
Zach Sherwin: Last time, we had our competitors search for Tyson. In the end, we lost him for good, and Vader got immunity for ALMOST getting him. However, since Tyson disappeared, that immunity has been carried over to today's challenge instead. Also, Ali managed to get his ass kicked, but he at least proved himself.
Nice Peter: Today, one of of Serbia’s own, Nikola Tesla, is coming to electrocute our contestants.
Zach Sherwin: But don’t worry, there’s a reason why…on Total Drama ERB!
*The scene transitions to the cafeteria, Justin Bieber looking for something good to eat.*
Justin Bieber: Well it looks like the food actually stepped down in quality…
Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come: Boo!
Justin Bieber: Ahh!
Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come: You’re gonna starve! Stop being a twig and add in some carbs!
Justin Bieber: Who do you think you are, Poe? ...wait, you're not Poe when he's dead, are you?
*The scene moves to Adam and Eve at the table, Adam poking at his food and looking depressed.*
Eve: What's wrong, dear?
Adam: It's just...I'm kinda feeling sick.
Eve: Aww...what about?
Adam: Ehh, might just be a stomach ache.
Eve: With this food? I'm not surprised.
Adam: I know, right? They stick the dead guy with no taste buds and the starving guy that's probably willing to eat everything in charge of making the food.
Eve: Aha! Exactly!
(Confessional) Adam: I was supposed to throw the game two challenges ago, so Eve wouldn't know about my screw-up, and here I am, still in the game. I...I'm so afraid of what Cleopatra might do. If I don't throw the challenge, Cleopatra is going to tell Eve and she's going to hate me forever. If I do, I won't be with Eve anymore... What do I do?
*The scene cuts to the house, with Napoleon Dynamite and Edgar Allan Poe sitting in the living room. Napoleon Dynamite is playing Mortal Kombat, while Edgar Allan Poe is scribbling something onto a notepad.*
Napoleon Dynamite: ...What're you doing there, Poe?
Edgar Allan Poe: Tis I who is the writer of poems, scribbling tales so grim for me to show 'em.
Napoleon Dynamite: ...oh, cool. You know, I'm kind of an artist myself. If you publish your poems, maybe I could help illustrate for them.
Edgar Allan Poe: Forsooth, indeed? You would do this deed?
Napoleon Dynamite: Well, I guess, sure. Not much else for me to do now. People are still all shunning me.
Edgar Allan Poe: Ah, I know that too well. I am shunned, ignored! This is true hell!
Napoleon Dynamite: Well, we're, like, the two outcasts of the game, right? We should totally just be friends, or something.
Edgar Allan Poe: Friends to the end, through the thick and the thin!
Napoleon Dynamite: Yeah, totally! I could draw some of the characters in the stories you write, too. Hold on, let me see what you're writing for a second-
Zach Sherwin (via intercom): Challenge time, everyone!
Nice Peter (via intercom): Our event manager finally got a new challenge host, so head on down to the stage for a real challenge!
*The scene cuts to the stage once again, this time 10 chairs lined up side by side, each wired and rigged with helmets and wires.*
Adam: Wow, this looks...dangerous.
Al Capone: Pathetic. I've faced worse.
Michael Jordan: Hah! You wish. I'm the toughest guy here. I've definitely faced worse.
Muhammad Ali: I got hit by a meteor last challenge and you're saying you've faced worse?!
Adam: You guys are all idiots.
Nikola Telsa: *steps on stage* You are ALL idiots within the presence of my brilliance.
Nice Peter: Alright, so. Meet Tesla, a Serbian genius.
Nikola Tesla: I have been assigned the task of establishing you morons with a challenge. The challenge in question? A challenge of the truth!
Edgar Allan Poe: Tis I who is known here as strange, and even I find you to be deranged.
Nikola Tesla: Secrets will reveal, lies are to unfold, conspiracies shall unravel...
Darth Vader: ...excuse me?
Nikola Tesla: ...except for yours, you creepy black figure.
Michael Jordan: Racist!
Nikola Tesla: Not you. I meant triangle mouth over here. He's excused.
Darth Vader: Wait, I am?
Nikola Tesla: Something about invincibility. I really don't care. I have much more important matters to tend to. You go and run along. The rest of you! Come hither and take a seat! Here lies your undoing!
*The other nine contestants step onto the stage, each taking a seat. Nikola Tesla quickly straps them in, each being chained tight to their chairs.*
Napoleon Dynamite: Gosh! You think you could make these any tighter?
Nikola Tesla: I do not wish to feed your strange fetish, little gremlin.
Napoleon Dynamite: I was being sarcastic, idiot.
Nikola Tesla: Now! Let us commence the challenge of the century!!
Al Capone: Wow. Strapped to chairs. Big challenge.
Nikola Tesla: We shall start with YOU, fatty! Quickly, name the contestant here who drew a pathetically bad picture of a girl then asked her out using it!
Al Capone: Wait, what?
*Both Al Capone and Napoleon Dynamite are suddenly shocked violently, collapsing back after it finishes a second later.*
Al Capone: Holy SHIT, that fucking hurt!
Napoleon Dynamite: UGH! What the heck?!
Nikola Tesla: NEXT! Adam! Name the one here who committed suicide via letting a snake bite her booby!
Adam: ...uhh, that...sounds like the kind of thing Cleopatra is into.
Cleopatra: What?!
Nikola Tesla: CORRECT!
*The group all snicker uncontrollably, aside from Cleopatra who blushes intensely and snarls angrily at Adam, who simply shrugs obliviously.* 
Nikola Tesla: CLEOPATRA!
Cleopatra: Bitch, don't yell my name, I'm right fucking here.
Nikola Tesla: Name the contestant here who had syphillis on his DICK!
Cleopatra: Al Capone.
Nikola Tesla: CORRECT!
Al Capone: CLEO!
Cleopatra: What? I saw it when we were-
Nikola Tesla: NEXT is Poe! Who here was put into a fixed fight intended to lose, only to turn it into a real fight and still lose?
Edgar Allan Poe: Well, thinking it over and of this team, I do believe it was-
Nikola Tesla: TOO SLOW!
*Both Edgar Allan Poe and Muhammad Ali are shocked violently as well, falling near unconcious.*
Muhammad Ali: You should've let him guess!! He was going to say "it was Ali"!
Edgar Allan Poe: Actually, that fact doesn't hold well, for it was "the Biebs" I had planned to tell.
Muhammad Ali: Oh...
Nikola Tesla: EEEEEEEEVE!
Eve: ...
Nikola Tesla: Who here starred in an embarrassingly bad movie with the Looney Tunes?
Eve: I don't know. Muhammad Ali?
Nikola Tesla: Close, BUT NO!
*Both Eve and Michael Jordan are also shocked rather violently.*
Adam: You DICK!! Don't you dare do that to her again!!
Michael Jordan: What about me!?
Nikola Tesla: BIEBER!
Justin Bieber: 'sup?
Adam: Don't ignore me!!
Nikola Tesla: Who here is deadly afraid of RAVENS?!
Justin Bieber: ...Poe? I stole one of his poems recently and it was about ravens, so I'm just guessing.
Nikola Tesla: CORRECT!
Edgar Allan Poe: How dare thee steal from me! I should choke you down with a trochee!
Justin Bieber: Whatever.
Nikola Tesla: MICHAEL JORDAN is next! Name the one here who kicked everyone out of a restaurant only to show up late in just a robe.
Michael Jordan: Obviously it was Ali here! He's just that cheap!
Nikola Tesla: WRONG!!
*Michael Jordan and Justin Bieber are shocked violently in an instant.*
Michael Jordan: No, YOU'RE wrong!!
Nikola Tesla: ALI!!! Who here listened to a snake to eat a piece of fruit that they were forbidden to eat?
Muhammad Ali: Obviously it was Jordan here! He never plays by the rules.
Nikola Tesla: WRONG!!!
*Muhammad Ali and Eve are violently shocked, Ali falling unconscious.*
Michael Jordan: HAH!
Adam: YOU FUCKER!!!
Nikola Tesla: And finally...NAPOLEON!
Napoleon Dynamite: Adam.
Nikola Tesla: ...excuse me?
Napoleon Dynamite: The answer to the next question is Adam. He's the only one left over out of everyone you went through.
Nikola Tesla: ...well, yes... That is correct. Wonderful! So. The people who lost the first round are Jordan, Ali-
Al Capone: Wait! What the hell are we even doing? What's the point of this challenge?
Nikola Tesla: What's the point of any challenge? What is the point of this entire game? Everything one does is simply a distraction from the inevitable fate of death.
Al Capone: Geez, forget I asked, then...
Nikola Tesla: Anyways. All those who were shocked, you lose this challenge henceforth.
Eve: Well...that sucked...
Edgar Allan Poe: I try to stay calm, I try to stay cool, but shouldn't you have at least read us the rules?!
Nikola Tesla: I did! I spoke loud and clear that the goal was to unveil all lies and secrets.
Adam: Yeah, THAT wasn't vague at all.
Michael Jordan: Man, you didn't even have us reveal any lies! All you did was get us to guess stupid secrets about one another!
Nikola Tesla: Ah, yes, but that was simply a round of humor! Here, we get to the real secrets. The deep, the dark... The rules? You must answer me honestly. Absolutely honestly! Now...ADAM!
Adam: Uhh...yeah?
Nikola Tesla: Who did you cheat on Eve with?
Adam: Excuse me?
Eve: Wait...what?
Nikola Tesla: Which contestant here did you make out with after you and Eve began dating?
Adam: Uhhh...Eve. I made out with Eve after we began dating.
Nikola Tesla: ...wrong answer.
*Adam is violently shocked, his hair standing on edge with burn marks along his body after it stops.*
Adam: Sh...shit, that hurts...
(Confessional) Adam: ...still doesn't hurt as bad as my heart now...
Eve: A-Adam...was is he talking about? You...kissed someone else...?
Adam: ...Cleopatra. I...I kissed...Cleopatra.
Cleopatra: Well, it's about goddamn time. It only took you two challenges to complete your promise.
Eve: I am SO confused right now...more depressed than confused, but still...
Adam: I kissed Cleopatra in the heat of the moment when she was telling me I shouldn't spend so much time focusing on you during the debate challenge, and when she threatened to tell you, I promised that I'd throw the challenge. That...didn't turn out so well for the next two challenges. But, well...now here we are. Me, throwing the challenge. All because I was stupid and made the mistake of a life time. Cleopatra manipulated me, blackmailed me, abused me...and here I am, going home for a mistake I made.
Nikola Tesla: How touching...NEXT!! Cleopatra...
Cleopatra: Hey.
Nikola Tesla: Despite your crush on Joan of Arc, you have slept with someone on this island. Tell us. Who is it that you have bedded?
Cleopatra: Al Capone.
Nikola Tesla: CORRECT!
Al Capone: Wait...what? You did...what?!
Cleopatra: You were kind of asleep at the time.
(Confessional) Al Capone: ...I feel dirty...
Nikola Tesla: JUSTIN BIEBER!
Justin Bieber: Hey.
Nikola Tesla: Whose votes did you rig?
Justin Bieber: Excuse me?
Nikola Tesla: Whose. Votes. Did. You. Rig?
Justin Bieber: Are you accusing me of being a cheater? 'cuz I don't cheat! I always play by the rules!!
*Justin Bieber is quickly and very, very, very violently shocked.*
Justin Bieber: H-holy shit, that was bad...
Nikola Tesla: Now that you've lost, tell the nice people whose votes you rigged.
Justin Bieber: Ugh...Miley Cyrus. I rigged her votes so all the votes went to her.
Napoleon Dynamite: WHAT?! You IDIOT!!
Justin Bieber: Hey, I needed some way to get under your skin, and seeing how close you were getting was the perfect way. Be glad I didn't vote YOU out. You're more fun to taunt than idiot nerd girl, anyways.
Nikola Tesla: In any case...NEXT! Napoleon Dynamite.
Napoleon Dynamite: Uhh, hey.
Nikola Tesla: Your suit. That ugly, ghoulish, mechanic outfit you wore when you first joined...
Napoleon Dynamite: My Master Chief outfit?
Nikola Tesla: Yes. Do tell me, where did you get it?
Napoleon Dynamite: I bought it from an online store.
Nikola Tesla: WRONG ANSWE-
Napoleon Dynamite: OKAY, OKAY, I STOLE IT!!
*Everyone goes quiet at his admittance.*
Napoleon Dynamite: I stole the suit, okay? I...I never actually got...asked to join Total Drama ERB. Master Chief did. The REAL Master Chief. However, before he decided to come, I...stole the suit from him and disguised myself as him to join the game...
Nikola Tesla: This is correct! Cleopatra, Napoleon Dynamite... You two are the final contestants left. And now, let us commence the final challenge...THE LIGHTNING ROUND!
Michael Jordan: Is the pun intended, or...?
Nikola Tesla: SILENCE! Now, in this lightning round, you must answer these questions as fast as you can. They will be about all your past competitor and what they've done in their time here. You must guess correctly. Whoever guesses right, the other person will be shocked. If you guess wrong, you yourself will be shocked. Ready?
Napoleon Dynamite: No!
Nikola Tesla: TOO BAD! Which two contestants got eliminated for leaving to take a dump?
Napoleon Dynamite: Uhh...Bla-
Cleopatra: Blackbeard and William Wallace!
*Napoleon Dynamite is shocked.*
Nikola Tesla: Who gave Bob Ross his drugs?
Cleopatra: Walter White!
*Napoleon Dynamite is shocked.*
Nikola Tesla: Who was the last contestant voted off before the merge?
Napoleon Dynamite: MILEY CYRUS!
*Cleopatra is shocked.*
Nikola Tesla: Which two contestants were disqualified by Peter and Lloyd?
Cleopatra: Goku and, uh-
Napoleon Dynamite: Goku and Marilyn...Manson?
*Napoleon Dynamite is shocked.*
Cleopatra: Monroe! Goku and Marilyn Monroe!
*Napoleon Dynamite is shocked again.*
Napoleon Dynamite: Hey! I already got shocked for that!
Nikola Tesla: Who hated Joan of Arc?
Napoleon Dynamite: Sarah Palin!
*Cleopatra is shocked.*
Nikola Tesla: Who did Al Capone face off against in the western challenge?
Napoleon Dynamite: Clint Eastwood?
*Napoleon Dynamite is shocked.*
Cleopatra: Chuck Norris!
*Napoleon Dynamite is shocked.*
Napoleon Dynamite: Dammit! Will you stop that?!
Nikola Tesla: Who wore a cooking outfit during the cooking challenge?
Napoleon Dynamite: LADY GAGA!
*Cleopatra is shocked.*
Nikola Tesla: Who cut a hole in their floor?
Napoleon Dynamite: Uh-
Cleopatra: Leonidas!
*Napoleon Dynamite is shocked.*
(Confessional) Cleopatra: Well, I caused it, I should know about it.
Nikola Tesla: Who said the line "Most guys do it with girls."?
Cleopatra: Sounds like something I'd say.
*Cleopatra is shocked.*
Napoleon Dynamite: Marilyn Monroe?
*Cleopatra is shocked.*
Nikola Tesla: Which elimination did you Nazi coming?
Napoleon Dynamite: Isn't that a bit opinionated?
Cleopatra: Adolf Hitler.
*Napoleon Dynamite is shocked.*
Napoleon Dynamite: That makes no sense!! ...oh, wait. Not see sounds like Nazi. ...that was terrible.
*Napoleon Dynamite is shocked.*
Napoleon Dynamite: Dangit!
Nikola Tesla: What past contestant was seen writing in the middle of a challenge?
Napoleon Dynamite: Edgar Allan Poe isn't a past contestant...
Cleopatra: Kanye West.
*Napoleon Dynamite is shocked.*
Napoleon Dynamite: What?!
Nikola Tesla: Who was-
Napoleon Dynamite: NEIL DEGRASSE TYSON! Neil deGrasse Tyson is the only past contestant left that hasn't had a question about them yet.
Nikola Tesla: ...who was Neil deGrasse Tyson's best friend.
Cleopatra: Adam.
*Napoleon Dynamite is shocked.*
Napoleon Dynamite: Wh...what...? But...I...
Nikola Tesla: The answer to the question was Adam, not Neil deGrasse Tyson. You answered with Neil, when the answer was Adam. In any case, even if you had gotten it right, you would've lost anyways, as Cleopatra got the majority of the questions right.
Napoleon Dynamite: ...d...dammit...
Nikola Tesla: Cleopatra is the winner of this challenge, and obtains invincibility from elimination.
Adam: What?!
Nikola Tesla: And...we are finished! Commence the elimination!!
*The scene cuts to the elimination ceremony.*
Nice Peter: So, today was… dramatic to say the least. Anyway, let’s get to it.
Al Capone: Did you really see– 
Cleopatra: Shut up. 
Nice Peter: Anyway, usually, we wouldn’t reveal the votes. But since, it’s the truth episode. Why not? Oh, and we have all the votes and everything recorded, sooo...yeah, here we go.
(Confessional) Darth Vader: Oh no. 
Nice Peter: Let’s see… Avoid predictability… Cleopatra voted for Adam. 
(Confessional) Cleopatra: Keeping a promise… 
Nice Peter: Poe voted for Bieber… 
(Confessional) Edgar Allan Poe: Justin will put us all in peril, so that bitch must end up in a barrel! 
Nice Peter: Eve voted for Adam. 
(Confessional) Eve: *cries loudly and disgustingly* 
Adam: Why’d you do that? 
Eve: Why’d you kiss that disgusting Egyptian queen’s mouth? 
Cleopatra: Fuck you, too. 
Nice Peter: If I may continue… Adam voted for Bieber! 
(Confessional) Adam: Cheating is not cool. Not cool! 
Eve: Oh you’re the one to talk. 
Nice Peter: Michael Jordan voted for Adam. 
(Confessional) Michael Jordan: Damn, Eve must feel really bummed out right now.  
Nice Peter: Okay, let’s see. Oh, here we are. Vader voted for Bieber.  
(Confessional) Darth Vader: He rigged the votes for Miley. You know what rhymes with Miley? Me! Yes, Bieber will cheat me out of the competition soon. Not if I get rid of him first. 
Nice Peter: Ali voted for Adam.
(Confessional) Muhammad Ali: That’s no way to treat a woman. 
Nice Peter: Dynamite voted for Bieber. 
(Confessional) Napoleon Dynamite: It’s bad enough Miley’s out, but she was cheated out?! By BIEBER?! Oh, he’s gonna pay. I just hope Poe voted for him too. 
Nice Peter: Bieber voted for… 
Adam: *sighs heavily* Me? 
Nice Peter: Nope. Napoleon Dynamite. 
(Confessional) Justin Bieber: He’s got it out for me. I’ll put it out on him. Oh Dynamite, time for you to see who the real enemy is.  
Nice Peter: It’s a tie. So, will we have a double elimination? Or will Capone’s vote change anything? Find out nex- 
Al Capone: Screw it! Adam, you’re going home. 
(Confessional) Al Capone: Too far, dude. 
Nice Peter: Way to ruin the moment. Anyway, stuff yourself in a barrel.
*The scene cuts to the dock, Clone Goku is pushing Adam into a barrel.*
Adam: Yeah, I bet you've been waiting all season for this to happen.
Clone Goku: No! I've been waiting for my driver's license.
Adam: ...can't you fly?
Clone Goku: No, but I can wasp.
Adam: ...what.
*Clone Goku starts running around the docks, flapping his arms and going 'buzz' over and over. As he does, a large hand stretches down from the heavens and points down at Adam.*
God: This is for your sins! I cleanse you.
You can repent, but I warn you, if you continue,
To hell I'll send you.
EpicLLOYD: You weren't even in Season 2!
God: Shut up.
*The hand snatches the barrel out of the water and lifts it up into the heavens.*
Dante Cimadamore: Well, there he goes.
EpicLLOYD: Whoa! When'd you get here?
Dante Cimadamore: Oh, sorry. I've been here for a while.
EpicLLOYD: Riiiight.
Dante Cimadamore: In any case, today's challenge has certainly been an interesting one. With a devilishly handsome man getting truths unveiled like Napoleon Dynamite not being an official competitor, Justin Bieber cheating on the votes for Miley Cyrus, and Adam cheating on Eve, what will happen next? I can say for sure that next episode will get just as crazy when we spin something in a game of chance, and it isn't the barrel of a gun.
EpicLLOYD: We haven't even gotten anyone to host the next challenge, though, much less have the next challenge planned... We always let the next host do the planning.
Dante Cimadamore: Here on Total! Drama! ERB!
EpicLLOYD: Seriously, what're you talking about?
 
Category:Season 1
Category:Script