2014.02.28 - A Light Snack at Gotham PD

The Joker is working a plan. He isn't sure what that plan is, since he told himself he'd need the thing in here. Normally, he isn't that keen on listening to strange versions of himself claiming to be from the future but since it could just be a hallucination, why not? Plus it's a laugh anyway.
So, who's crazy enough to try to rob a police impound lot full of stuff taken from villains as evidence? Not your average criminal that's for sure, but Joker? He's bat's. Bad choice of words. He's bonkers! But he's also fearless, and the little acid concoction he's used on the wall, plus the exploding tricycle he's set up as a distraction two blocks away means that this should be simple. In theory.
That doesn't stop him from looking around from time to time over his shoulder for a certain winged crusader. Just in case. Not that he's worried about it or anything. 
Of course.
Agent Coulson is going through files and investigating police corruption, circling in red everything they do wrong. It's been so long since anyone's been investigating Gotham's police force. It's only been 20 minutes and he's found things that could get some cops in jail. And that's when he hears an explosion. C-4, it sounds like. He gets up, grabs his Night-Night SMG, and goes to address the problem when he passes by the part of the wall that Joker is about to breach.
The artistry of the C4 placement is rather impressive. It's a smiley face. An ordinary common criminal might have just set it. Even a super villain might have punched a hole in the wall and placed it but true art? Joker himself is smiling and proud, though the smoke from the final layer of the wall he's just breached after overcoming the outer layer with the acid makes him cough. That just makes him laugh more.
Still, he has a limited amount of time and on this particular mission he's all alone. He's trusted no one else. After all, if he told himself that, then who is he to argue with himself. He enters the hole in the wall.
Phil Coulson, upon seeing the hole in the wall, quickly hides behind the corner. He grabs his N2 SMG and sees what's going on. The Joker! His eyes widen. The Joker was not your typical terrorist. He scooted back a little and considered radioing for help. He decides to. He whispers into his headset. "Guys...the Joker's attacking the station..." He keeps his head on a swivel, making sure the Joker isn't right behind him.
The Joker is right behind him. 
"Well hello there. You're new." He pats Phil on the back with a shockingly interesting buzzer. "Can't have you spoiling my fun can we?"
Agent Coulson senses a presence behind him. Maybe it was his time with Loki that made him always watch his back. He does an unnecessary combat roll to the right, and then turns around. He points his weapon at the Joker. "Put your hands behind your head! You're under arrest!"
The Joker frowns as his stealthy gambit fails. "Look, I'm just here to do a little shopping. Besides, you don't LOOK like Batman to me." He extends his right hand and a large colored streamer of cloth and paper comes out with some chattering teeth come out and begin chomping on the barrel of the smg. The tiny droplets of acid on the 'teeth' go right through the barrel.
"Ta!" He runs deeper into the building...instead of away. That's...interesting.
Agent Coulson hears the Joker's remarks. In truth, if Batman actually was a SHIELD agent of some sort, would anyone really know? He says "I'm substituting for Batman today!"...and then suddenly teeth are chewing away at his gun. He decides that there's probably a bomb inside the teeth, so he tosses the teeth towards the Joker. The gun won't really work at this point. So...what does he do? Getting to Lola'd be his first choice. But that's not an option, as the Joker's running deeper into the building. He makes up his mind. He'll go for his side arm, his colt .45. He'd have to use clever shooting. There's a hanging lamp near the Joker. With luck, it will fall and hit him.
The lamp shade hits the Clown Prince. That's the good news. The bad news is that with limbs and muscles taught to contort from getting out of every straight jacket known to man, "This place, this lampshade and myself and that's all I need!" Laughing hysterically, head and neck coming out of the torn edge of the lamp, arms restrained but legs moving furiously he looks for the box. Where is it? Where is it?
Agent Coulson noted that the Joker was not KO'd by the lamp. He puts away the hand cannon. He decides he'll out kung-fu him. He charges towards the Joker and attempts to tackle him to the ground.
There it is! There it is! He has found the box. From an obscure villain in the 1970's called, "The Cracker" its...a box full of soda crackers. He's about to begin eating a package when he sees a shadow come over him. Reaching for his gun he attempts to quick draw, "Did you ever dance with the devil in the pale moon OOF!" Next time, use a shorter quip. He is knocked backwards, crackers flying everywhere, turning to crumbs and he hits his head on a nearby I beam. There are stars flying around his head. No...literal tiny little stars that orbit a minute and then pop like sparklers.
Agent Coulson accidentally hits the Joker against an I-beam. Damn. He goes and cuffs him and gets a little bit worried. Getting hit against an I-beam can kill you. The GCPD finally gets there. Agent Coulson puts his gun against the Joker's head and asks, louldy, "Are you ok?"
The GCPD seem impressed as hell that Coulson has landed who he has. They also call for a LOT more backup. "I'm terribly light headed actually...perhaps something to eat?" He has a ravenous look in his eye. There are many many many guns trained on him.
Agent Coulson hears his food based question. He considers it. Giving the Joker a doughnut was, unfortunately, a security risk. He'd have to give him a less dangerous food. Like celery. But, there weren't any around. He said "I heard they improved the food quality at Arkham." He turns to the rest of the police and says "If Batman and his gang show up, tell them SHIELD arrested the Joker, and he's being sent to Arkham."
Category:Log