Luis Dies

Luis Dies is the tenth episode of Full Server, and the season one finale. In it, Luis dies, and then undies, and then re-dies again. Also Gaby is born and Zoltan becomes a chef.
==Transcript==
“Whatever happened to predictability."
"The milkman, the paperboy, evening tv?"
"How did I get to living here?"
"Somebody tell me please!"
"This old world's confusing me."
"With clouds as mean as you've ever seen"
"Ain't a bird who knows your tune."
"Then a little voice inside you Whispers,"
"Kid don't sell your dreams, so soon"
"Everywhere you look, everywhere you go"
"There's a heart (There's a heart), a hand to hold onto."
"Everywhere you look, everywhere you go"
"There's a place, of Somebody who needs you"
"Everywhere you look."
"When you're lost out there and you're all alone,"
"A light is waiting to carry you home."
"Everywhere you look."
"Everywhere you look."
[Exterior shot of a hospital. Cut to Luis lying in bed with Jess, Pluto, SpongeBot, and Zoltan around him]
Jess: I told you guys that we should have called the ambulance!
Zoltan: Yeah, so?
Dr. Brown Bear: …well, I… I don’t really know how to tell you this but… Luis is dying.
[Gasp]
Jess: How much longer do you think he has left, Dr. Brown Bear?
Dr. Brown Bear: Well… it’s hard to say but his death is pretty much imminent.
Luis: Guys…
Jess: OH MY GOD HE’S TRYING TO TELL US SOMETHING!
Luis: I- I…
Pluto: JUST SPIT IT OUT YOU LAZY BASTARD!
[laugh track]
Luis: I- I… I told you I was sick.
[The heart monitor stops beeping and Luis fucking dies. Laugh track.]
SpongeBot: I thought he died because he jumped out the window.
Jess: He did.
[Pause.]
Zoltan: Well who wants Taco Bell?
[laugh track]
Jess: Baja Blast sounds good, innit?
[Cut to the gang entering the Full Server house, where Purple is sitting on a couch with an underage girl.]
SpongeBot: Uh, Purple…
Purple: Oh, you guys uh… Came home early…
[laugh track]
Jess: How old is she?
Purple: 14- I mean 16- I mean 22.
Zoltan: That’s hella sus.
[Laugh track.]
Purple: Okay, you can leave now.
[The girl leaves.]
Purple: So, how is Luis?
Pluto: Dead.
[Laugh track.]
Purple: I’m not falling for that. I’m much smarter than everyone in this house.
Jess: He’s not joking, he actually died.
SpongeBot: Yeah, he jumped out of a window and was also sick.
Purple: What?
Zoltan: But don’t worry, you can still see his dead body at the funeral!
[Laugh track.]
Purple: I just… I can’t… My dad is… Dead…
[Purple starts crying]
Zoltan: Aw, dad! Don’t cry! We got some tacos!
[Purple stops crying]
Purple: WHERE
[Laugh track; Purple grabs a taco and eats it]
Purple: Wait… If Luis was the oldest one… Then doesn’t that mean that he was the leader?
Jess: What?
SpongeBot: Uh, sure.
Purple: And that’s kind of like being a king, right?
Pluto: I guess.
Purple: And then his son would be the next “king”, right?
Zoltan: What does king mean
[Laugh track]
Purple: And I’m his son! I’m the king!
Jess: I really don’t think that’s our biggest concern right now. Luis is DEAD!
[A knock is heard on the door, and Jarvis Zagna runs up to it]
Jarvis: I’ll open it!
[Jarvis Zagna opens the door, and Mike enters.]
Mike: HEIL HITLER! 
[laugh track]
Jarvis Zagna: Oh. You’re, um… Zoltan’s weird friend, right?
Mike: I heard that your relative ‘Luis’ passed away recently, but because I’m a doctor, I can fix him!!!!!1!!
[Laugh track]
Pluto: I don’t think that’s how it works…
Mike: I don’t care! Where is he?
[Zoltan grabs an urn]
Zoltan: Here.
[Laugh track]
Mike: Oh wow he’s actually dead.
[Laugh track]
Pluto: What did you expect?
Mike: I don’t know! Well, I can’t fix this. You’ll need someone supernatural for that.
SpongeBot: Well Dr. Brown Bear is busy on his home planet, so he can’t help right now.
Jess: (sighs) Thanks anyway, Mike.
Mike: That’s Dr. Professor Mr. Kanzler Michael Adolf Source to you.
[Elmo 5 walks in]
Elmo 5: Hi mommy! I’m autistic!
[Laugh track]
Zoltan: We know, son, we know.
SpongeBot: Of course! Elmo 5 can revive Luis!
Elmo 5: I’ll need some ice cream for that.
[Pause]
SpongeBot: I’m not fucking gonna go through that again.
[Laugh track]
Mike: (sighs) Well in that case… I think Luis might be dead for good.
[Sad music plays]
Zoltan: That’s a shame. Anyway, it’s time to feed my child slaves in the basement.
[laugh track]
SpongeBot: Huh.
Zoltan: Long story.
SpongeBot: I have time.
Jess: I don’t. I’m going to see the new Sonic movie at eight.
Zoltan: Basically there was this guy on eBay, and he said he was selling Windows install discs, so I ordered them. But when Postman Pat came, in the box it wasnt disc, It was children. And because I was drunk, I enslaved them. So now they are my sluts. I MEAN SLAVES! THEY ARE MY SLAVES! Which is okay because they are white.
SpongeBot: What.
[laugh track]
Zoltan: Do you have a problem with slavery like that stupid SJW IanRises?
SpongeBot: Well… Yes, I do.
Zoltan: This is why I divorced you.
SpongeBot: By the way, Zoltan you know about that Jeremy Kyle game for the Nintendo Wii?
[laugh track]
Zoltan: Well… Yes, I do.
SpongeBot: I keep playing with my Mii and a Mii of you but the lie detector keeps saying my Mii cheated on you during our relationship, but I do not recall doing such a thing.
Zoltan: AHA! SO YOU CHEATED ON ME! HOW COULD YOU?! You are a horrible person.
SpongeBot: It’s just a glitch.
Zoltan: Yeah right.
SpongeBot: I think it’s trying to say YOU cheated on ME!
Zoltan: Nope. The Toast Lady is not real.
[Laugh track]
SpongeBot: Then what were you doing?
Zoltan: Making toast and eating it.
SpongeBot: So you weren’t having sex with anyone else?
Zoltan: Nope.
SpongeBot: I don’t believe you.
[Laugh track]
Zoltan: WHY?!
SpongeBot: Because I don’t.
Zoltan: But it’s a believable lie, isn’t it?
[Laugh track]
SpongeBot: No.
Zoltan: We were such a great couple a few months ago… 
SpongeBot: Not really…
[Laugh track]
Zoltan: Bot… I’m sorry… I know I haven't been acting great lately… But it’s all your fault.
[Laugh track]
SpongeBot: That’s really nice.
[Purple appears]
Purple: Hi SpongeBot, how old are you?
SpongeBot: Married.
Purple: Damn it.
[Laugh track]
Purple: Are there any hot singles in this area?
Zoltan: I’m not a nonce, I wouldn’t know.
[Laugh track]
SpongeBot: Ally is single.
Ally: (offscreen) I CAN’T HAVE SEX BECAUSE I’M BUSY HATING THE GOVERNMENT AND LOVING THE FUCKING DOLE!
[Laugh track]
Purple: But I need someone to be the queen!
Liz: Does it really matter, she’s going to die soon anyway.
[Laugh track]
Purple: Liz, are you married?
Liz: No.
Purple: GREAT! Let’s get married then!
Liz: No.
Purple: This is my house. You are going to do what I tell you to.
[Laugh track]
Jess: Oh my God, Purple, are you still going on about this whole king thing?!
Purple: Well if Luis is really dead-
Liz: -unlike the queen-
[laugh track]
Purple: -then SOMEONE has to be the head of the house from now on.
[CrazySponge appears]
CrazySponge: HELLO! i am going to buy you for 5 hooplabucks.
[Laugh track]
Purple: what
CrazySponge: well you said that someone needs to be the new head of the house, right?
Purple: Well, yeah but I’m Luis’ son! He would have wanted me to succeed him!
CrazySponge: well then i guess luis was a big fat dumb dumb.
[Laugh track; cut to Jess and Pluto talking to each other]
Jess: HEIL HITLER!
Pluto: I think Gaby is coming soon!
[Laugh track]
Pluto: Also, how is it that everytime Gaby kicks you, you become a Nazi in front of your Jewish husband?
Jess: BECAUSE I HATE THE JEWSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!
[Laugh track]
Jess: I’m sorry, Gaby’s kicking really hurts.
Pluto: Sure… but seriously, why does Gaby kicking you make you a Nazi?
Jess: …I do not know.
[Laugh track]
Pluto: You should see a doctor.
Jess: Dr. Brown Bear is busy.
Pluto: Mike?
Jess: You are Jewish.
Pluto: Oh right.
[Laugh track]
Jess: (checks watch) Oh fuck! It’s almost 8pm.
Pluto: So?
Jess: I need to go watch Sonic 2!
Pluto: You know that has like 50% on Rotten Tomatoes, right?
Jess: Fuck you.
[Laugh track]
Pluto: Please don’t spoil it.
Jess: I will- I MEAN I won’t! FUCK JEWS!
Gary: Okay, mom!
[Laugh track; cut to Zoltan sitting on couch]
Zoltan: Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm… well it seems like I’m not getting back with SpongeBot anytime soon.
[Laugh track]
Zoltan: …but what if… I married someone else instead? Yes, that’s it! I’ll marry someone else to make SpongeBot jealous! And then she will have to get back with me! So if I can’t marry SpongeBot, then I will marry… Her son! Wait no… Her father! Yes! Wait, who is her father?
Aaron: something ken stringfellow 
[Laugh track]
Zoltan: Oh right, Aaron! Wanna marry me??
Aaron: My name is Alberto today.
[Laugh track]
Zoltan: Oh okay. Wanna get married?
Aaron: Not really.
Zoltan: But uh… I have Ken Stringfellow’s onlyfans.
Aaron: deal.
[Laugh track]
Existant: hey guys
[Aaron shoots Existant; Laugh track]
Zoltan: That was really hot.
Aaron: I know.
[Laugh track; SpongeBot enters]
SpongeBot: So, what are you doing, dad?
Zoltan: Not much.
SpongeBot: Zoltan, you are not my dad.
Zoltan: I am now.
Aaron: I married him.
[Laugh track]
SpongeBot: WHAT THE HELL
[Laugh track]
SpongeBot: YOU CAN’T MARRY MY DAD!
Zoltan: why not
SpongeBot: IT- IT’S- IT’S INCEST!
Zoltan: So? Pluto used to be Jess’ son. Incest runs in our family.
[SpongeBot walks into her room, and Prim is there]
SpongeBot: Hi Prim, what are you doing?
Prim: something.
[Laugh track]
SpongeBot: That’s great. How are the Elmos?
Prim: They are sleeping.
SpongeBot: That’s great.
[Elmo 3 walks into the room]
Elmo 3: Mother, I miss my brother.
SpongeBot: That's great.
[Laugh track]
Prim: Alright, let’s go to the graveyard then.
[Dramatic sound effect; commercial break]
Zoltan’s Mum: NO! I’M NOT GONNA GIVE UP YET! If fish can live underwater, then so can I! And so can YOU with the new scuba diving equipment from Zoltan’s Mum Productions! Just go to zoltansmumproductions.co.uk/scubadiving, and with THREE easy payments of your entire life savings, you can be just like me! You will get the official Zoltan’s Mum wetsuit, the official Zoltan’s Mum goggles, the official Zoltan’s Mum oxygen tank, and EVEN a free one month subscription to the OFFICIAL ZOLTAN’S MUM ONLYFANS! So what are you waiting for? Don’t give up yet and order today! The Zoltan’s Mum Scuba Diving Equipment! From Zoltan’s Mum Productions!
[Cut back to Prim and SpongeBot, who are now at the local graveyard]
SpongeBot: Are we really going to get our child back by digging up his grave?
Prim: [holding a shovel but quickly throws it away] No.
[Laugh track]
SpongeBot: Then what are we doing here?
Prim: Uh… holding a funeral for Luis.
SpongeBot: Oh okay. Wait, we already funeral’d him.
[Laugh track]
Prim: Right… Well, we still got Elmo 5! He can revive dead people, right?
SpongeBot: He needs ice cream.
Prim: Isn’t lasagna good enough?
[Laugh track]
SpongeBot: I’m sure Biden can get us some ice cream.
Prim: I thought he went to Alaska to meet Golfpecks.
[Laugh track]
SpongeBot: Oh right. I wonder how they are doing.
[Cut to Biden in Golfpecks’ house]
Biden: Why am I here again?
Golfpecks: Shhh, my beloved forty-sixth United States president, we can fuck strawberries together.
Biden: Say, why are we fucking strawberries?
[Golfpecks looks sexually aroused towards the camera. Laugh track. Cut back to the graveyard]
Prim: So how are we going to get ice cream now?
SpongeBot: I think I have an idea.
[Cut to EB the Original Master’s house, where he is recording a video]
EB: Hey guys, EB here, back with another YouTube video. And today-
[He sees there is an ice cream truck outside]
EB: GAH! STUPID ICE CREAM TRUCK! THIS ISN'T THE 1990s ANYMORE! GO AWAY!
[Laugh track]
SpongeBot: [outside EB’s house] Good thing I knew EB’s address.
Prim: I don’t think I want to know how you got his address.
SpongeBot: Anyway, our plan is to get ice cream from the ice cream truck.
Prim: Are you sure that isn’t just Mr. Renaud in a white van again?
SpongeBot: Third time’s the charm, right?
[Laugh track. They approach the ice cream truck as it opens up]
Ice cream man: Hey kids, want some ice cream?
SpongeBot: Don’t worry, I got this.
[SpongeBot starts shaking the entire ice cream truck, and its trunk opens up as all the ice cream falls out the rear end]
Ice cream man: [takes off disguise, revealed to be Mr. Renaud] Damn it, foiled again! I’m too old for this shit.
[Laugh track. SpongeBot and Prim collect the ice cream as the scene fades back to the Full Server household]
SpongeBot: [singy-songy] Guess who’s got ice cream for Elmo 5?
Elmo 5: Did somebody say… ICE CREAM?! AJSLKFJSDLKFJDSFLDSFKJ
SpongeBot: Okay, no need to have another stroke. After our last incident I don’t think I can handle any more.
[Zoltan bursts through the wall with an axe.]
Zoltan: NO EATING ICE CREAM IN THE WINTER!
[Laugh track]
SpongeBot: It’s Spring, ex-hubby.
Zoltan: Oh… sorry my bad.
[Zoltan leaves. Laugh track.]
Elmo 5: Wait a second, are you wanting me to do a favor for you guys?
SpongeBot: Of course. We want you to revive Elmo 2.
Elmo 5: UGH! WHY ARE YOU GUYS ALWAYS LIKE THIS?!
[Laugh track.]
Elmo 5: YOU’RE ONLY NICE FOR ME WHEN YOU WANT ME TO HELP YOU!
Prim: But this is important!
SpongeBot: We want to bring back your dead brother!
Prim: And maybe Luis as well…?
[Pause.]
Elmo 5: Ughhhhhhh. Fine. But one more thing-
SpongeBot: Jesus fucking Christ Christ Elmo-
Elmo 5: Could you please tuck me in and read me a bedtime story tonight? Pwease??????
Prim: Yeah, sure, whatever. But it HAS to be a Garfield book.
Elmo 5: (clenches fist) Yes!
SpongeBot: Can you please just use your ice cream autism powers to revive your brother now?
Elmo 5: Yes mommy. 
[Elmo 5 gulps down the ice cream.]
Elmo 5: !vhri lg vnrg h'gR !kvvoh g'mlW !vpzdz vY .dlm gstri pzvkh R wzvw vsg lG
Prim: Uhh, how do we know that it worked?
SpongeBot: I don’t know. I never thought we’d get this far.
Elmo 5: Elmo 2 is in the graveyard, right?
Prim: …yeah?
[Pause.]
Prim: fuck
[Laugh track.]
SpongeBot: I guess we’re going all the way back to the graveyard then!
[Cut to Jess in the cinema watching Sonic the Hedgehog 2. Eggman is on the screen flossing.]
Eggman: IF YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO FLOSS THEN YOU’RE LOST WITHOUT ME!
[Note: this is an actual line from the film]
Jess: HEIL HITLER!
[Laugh track. Everyone in the cinema turns around and looks at Jess.]
Jess: Oh, heh, I’m sorry! Don’t mind me everyone! I’m just pregnant!
Kid: Mommy, what does “heil Hitler” mean?
Mom: Just watch the film, Timmy.
Kid: But momm-
Mom: JUST WATCH THE FILM!
[Camera cuts to the graveyard.]
Prim: Where’s that little bastard? I haven’t seen him since we killed- [looks at Elmo 5] I mean, sent him to space.
Elmo 5: Mommy, Daddy… Did you kill Elmo 2?
SpongeBot: Well… I mean “kill” is a strong word-
[Laugh track.]
Prim: Yeah, we just merely… sent him to Hell- I mean Heaven assisted.
Elmo 5: Okay I know I’m stupid but I’m not that stupid. [sighs] Let’s just get this over with.
[Elmo 5 grabs a shovel.]
???: Well hi-diddly-ho neighborinos! It’s a bit late to be going around a graveyard with a shovel, don’t you think?
[Pause.]
SpongeBot: Who said that?
Prim: I don’t know… but we should probably turn around and find out.
[The three slowly turn around to see Ned Flanders standing behind them.]
SpongeBot: (sigh of relief) Phew… it’s only Ned Flanders.
[Pause.]
SpongeBot: WAIT WHAT THE FUCK NED FLANDERS?! YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD!
[Laugh track.]
Ned Flanders: Well that’s what I thought too! I was there, on the elevator to Heaven when suddenly- BAM! It’s like… it’s like my whole diddly doodly body was filled with some kind of autism ice cream power or something!
Prim: Nice going, Elmo 5, you accidentally revived Ned Flanders!
Prince Phillip: Who?
[Laugh track.]
SpongeBot: HOLY CRAP! PRINCE PHILLIP IS ALIVE!
Prim: Isn’t he the casually racist prince of England?
SpongeBot: WAS the casually racist prince of England.
Prim: Or IS… because Elmo 5 accidentally revived him as well.
Elmo 5: Heh… heh… sorry?
SpongeBot: You’re lucky the queen isn’t dead yet or I’d give you the frying pan.
[Suddenly, more and more bodies start climbing out of their graves and onto the earth.]
Ned Flanders: Excuse my language, but what the blooming heck is going on?
Elmo 5: I think… I think…
SpongeBot: Yeah?
Elmo 5: …I think I may have accidentally revived the entire fucking graveyard.
[Laugh track.]
SpongeBot: Well, at least Purple isn’t king anymore.
Luis: Purple IS KING?!
Elmo 5: LUIS!
Prim: Bonjour!
SpongeBot: Luis isn’t French, he's Filipino. 
Prim: Oh. Thank god, I hate the French.
[Laugh track.]
French Guy: le fu-
SpongeBot: Time to break the bad news to Purple, then.
[Cut to the Full Server household once again, where Purple is wearing a cardboard crown]
Purple: I AM THE KING! I RULE THEE!
Jess: No you fucking don’t.
Purple: Yes I do! Luis is dead!
[Just then, the door opens and Luis is the first one to show up]
Purple: I, uhh… [takes off cardboard crown] Take this.
Luis: What the hell is this piece of crap?
Purple: Don’t ask questions!
Luis: Well, thanks I guess. I’m still king right?
Purple: Sure…
Luis: Yay! I sure do hope nothing bad happens to me!
CrazySponge: Hey Purple, as I am the king, you must lick my feet.
Tan: FEET
Luis: What? I am the king!
CrazySponge: LUIS?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?! 
[Laugh track; cut to Zoltan reading his emails.]
Zoltan: Huh, that’s interesting. I have been subscribed to this site for 6 years and haven't used it since. Wait, what's this? They accepted me to Virtual Diner? How?!
[Zoom into the computer where it’s revealed that the reason is because “Sex offenders can cook better than normal people.”]
Zoltan: I don’t understand why, but at least I won’t be unemployed!
[Laugh track.]
SpongeBot: Hey, Prim?
Prim: Yeah?
SpongeBot: Wasn’t there another reason we went to the graveyard?
Prim: …I don’t think so.
[Laugh track.]
SpongeBot: I swear there was a reason we got Elmo 5 to revive everyone in the graveyard.
Prim: To revive Luis?
SpongeBot: No, no… there was like… someone else too. I just can’t remember who it is.
Prim: Well if you can’t remember it, it can’t be that important.
SpongeBot: Yeah, you’re right.
[Cut to Elmo 2 standing outside the graveyard in the pouring rain. Laugh track.]
Elmo 2: Hello? Mom? Dad?
Ned Flanders: (sighs and blows the condensation off his glasses, accidentally breaking one of the lenses) Ugh… Now, calm down Ned-ddly diddly-diddly-diddly-diddly. They did their best, shoddily-iddly-iddly-iddly. They didn’t forget to bring us home-iddly-iddly-iddly-iddly- AH HELL DIDDLY DING DONG CRAP! CAN’T THOSE MORONS DO ANYTHING RIGHT?!
Elmo 2: Ned Flanders?
Ned Flanders: Damn right!
Elmo 2: You seem… different. Your choice of language is… more colorful.
Ned Flanders: Couldn’t have said it better my fucking self. I’m a changed man, Elmo-
Elmo 2: Actually it’s Elmo 2-
Ned Flanders: I DON’T GIVE A FUCK WHO YOU ARE! Your family killed me on their road trip to Yemen, and then didn’t even offer me a ride home when they accidentally revived me!
Elmo 2: I mean… at least they revived us at all.
Ned Flanders: You know what? …you’re right. This is a new beginning! This is a new chance for me to get my revenge on those damn fools! From this day forth, I shall no longer be known as Ned Flanders. I shall be known as… Red Flanders.
[The studio audience gasps.]
Elmo 2: Red Flanders? …really?
Red Flanders: It’s a fun callback to the wiki lore.
[Pause.]
Red Flanders: Eh, you weren’t alive then, you wouldn’t understand.
Elmo 2: But Ned… I was killed by them too! I need my revenge as well!
Red Flanders: Well then, why don’t we team up? 
Elmo 2: YES! WE CAN TELL ‘EM WHO’S BOSS!
Red Flanders: This is going to be fucking epic.
[Ad]
Peter: subway
[End of ad; Cut back to the Full Server house. Jarvis Zagna walks into the kitchen.]
Jarvis: Ah! Now THAT was a fantastic shower with my son!
[Laugh track.]
Zoltan: Hey Jarvis?
Jarvis: Yes, strange little man?
Zoltan: You’re Italian, right?
Jarvis: Well, Argentine-Italian.
Zoltan: …close enough.
[Laugh track.]
Zoltan: Italians like pizza and meatballs and spaghetti, right?
Jarvis: Zoltan… that is an offensive and quite frankly racist stereotype. But yeah I do love pizza and meatballs and spaghetti.
[Laugh track.]
Zoltan: GREAT! Then you can teach me how to cook for my new job!
Jarvis: Woah, woah, woah! I don’t know anything about cooking! Cooking’s a woman’s job! Women belong in the kitchen!
Zoltan: THAT’S WHAT I ALWAYS SAY!
[Laugh track.]
Zoltan: …but, I just got a new job at Virtual Diner because apparently sex offenders are better at cooking than normal people.
Jarvis: Makes sense to me.
[Laugh track.]
Zoltan: So… could you please help me learn how to cook?
Jarvis: Is cooking anything like rugby? I’m good at rugby.
Zoltan: Yeah sure whatever.
Jarvis: Then I’ll do it!
Zoltan: Alright! Let’s-a go!
Jarvis: Please don't tell me you're going to talk like Mario the whole time.
Zoltan: mama mía 
[Laugh track. Cut to Jarvis and Zoltan in the kitchen with a bunch of ingredients. Applause and cheers.]
Jarvis: Hello everyone and welcome to Cooking With Jarvis Zagna - starring Jarvis Zagna.
[Laugh track]
Jarvis: Today on Cooking With Jarvis Zagna, we're going to be making grilled cheese. That's an easy start.
Zoltan: You're lucky I'm not lactose intolerant.
Jarvis: Shut up please. Anyway, what you want to do first is get cheese.
Zoltan: Cheese? That’s easy!
[Zoltan opens the fridge and grabs some butter]
Zoltan: Done.
Jarvis: Zoltan you are re-
Zoltan: Yeah, everyone says that.
[Laugh track]
Jarvis: (sighs) Non posso farlo, cazzo. You’re gonna need a better chef to teach you.
Zoltan: Chef Pee Pee from SML?
Jarvis: I was thinking Gordon Ramsay but- I’M NOT GOING TO GET CHEF PEE PEE FROM SML
[Laugh track]
Zoltan: Why not?
Jarvis: He’s not real.
Zoltan: NO! THAT IS UNTRUE! IT’S UNTRUER THAN THE LIE THAT JEWWARIO DID NOTHING WRONG, BRIAN GRIFFIN IS ALIVE, THE 2020 ELECTION WASN’T RIGGED, SCATMAN JOHN ISN’T THE KING OF 24 HOUR CHALLENGES, ROUGE THE BAT AND ANKHA AREN’T HOT, AND EPSTEIN KILLED HIMSELF!!!
[Laugh track]
Jarvis: You are too stupid to work at Virtual Diner.
Zoltan: I DON’T CARE! I’m going to get lessons from French Guy.
Jarvis: Whatever. I’m gonna go back to showering with my son.
[Laugh track]
Jarvis: IGNACIO!
CartoonGuy: What?
Jarvis: Let’s shower!
CartoonGuy: But I’m watching Italian SpongeBob with Lemur!
Lemur: Yeah, we’re almost done!
Jarvis: Okay fine, but you will shower with me one way or the other!
[Laugh track]
CartoonGuy: Okay dad! I love you!
[Jarvis walks out]
Lemur: He didn’t see us committing war crimes!
CartoonGuy: We’re so lucky!
[Laugh track; cut to Jess walking back to the Full Server house from the cinema.]
Jess: Ugh… now THAT was a cinematic masterpiece! But my stomach is aching like hell!
[Jess rings the doorbell and Pluto answers.]
Pluto: Wifey! You’re back!
Jess: HEIL HITLER!
[Laugh track]
Pluto: Yep, that’s my wife.
[Jess walks in.]
Pluto: What’s the matter?
Jess: I ache like crap.
Pluto: Oof. Was the film that bad?
Jess: THE FILM WAS AMAZING! But… but…
Pluto: But what?
[The room starts flooding.]
Jess: I think my waters just broke.
[Laugh track]
Pluto: GUYS! HELP! MY WIFE IS GIVING BIRTH!
Dan: DID SOMEONE SAY THEY WANT A SHIT PIC?
[Laugh track]
Jess: THIS ISN’T FUNNY! I’M HAVING A BABY!
Dan: Oh, well sucks to be you. Anyway, I’ll see you all later. I've got to break Lil Grizz out of prison.
[Laugh track; Dan leaves.]
Jess: SOMEONE GET ME A DOCTOR!
Zoltan: Mike’s a bit busy right now.
[Laugh track]
Jess: TOO BUSY?! I’M HAVING A FUCKING BABY AND HE’S “TOO BUSY”?!
[Laugh track]
Zoltan: He’s building an army.
Jess: Oh, understandable.
[Laugh track]
Gaby: (inside the womb) I’m having diarrhea.
[Laugh track]
Pluto: Where’s Dr. Brown Bear?
SpongeBot: He’s on his home planet.
Jess: Well fuck me.
[Laugh track]
Jess: I do kind of need a doctor thou-
[Pause.]
Jess: Oh nevermind, the baby’s coming out now.
Pluto: PUSH, WOMAN! PUSH!
Jess: I’M TRYING!
Pluto: PUSH IT REAL GOOD!
Gaby: Yeah, I’m a big motherfucker.
[Laugh track; Gaby pops out of Jess’ vagina.]
Gaby: Ok I’m out dammit Jesus Christ.
[Laugh track]
SpongeBot: AWWWWWW! HER FIRST WORDS!
Gaby: You’re gonna give yourself a heart arrhythmia.
Jess: (crying) SHE’S SO CUTE!
[Laugh track]
SpongeBot: Today’s a great day. My granddaughter is born, and the Friends episode where Ross says every day is Lesbian Lover Day is on TV!
Gaby: Ok. Now I suck on boob for milk.
[Gaby starts sucking.]
Zoltan: I hate women.
[Laugh track; cut to Red Flanders and Elmo 2 outside the Full Server house. Red Flanders is now wearing a devil costume.]
Red Flanders: Alright. If I remember correctly, this is where those blasted buffoons live.
Elmo 2: Hey those are Elmo’s blasted buffoons you’re talking about! Also… what the fuck is the plan here?
Red Flanders: The plan here is… that we get our revenge!
[Pause.]
Elmo 2: That’s a pretty… loose plan.
Red Flanders: Shut the fuck up. Your mom is a pretty loose plan.
Elmo 2: Well… … shut up!
Red Flanders: …wait just a ding-dong-diddly second!
Elmo 2: Yeah?
[Red Flanders looks through the window and sees Luis.]
Red Flanders: Hmm… I think I know just how we can get our revenge…
Elmo 2: You mean your revenge. Elmo honestly doesn't care.
[Red Flanders takes out his phone and dials a number.]
Red Flanders: Hello operator? Is this the Anti-Fillipino-Asian-Group? 
Operator: No, this is McDonald’s.
[Laugh track]
Red Flanders: Oh, my apologies. While I’m here, could I get a Big Mac though?
Operator: Yeah, of course! Anything else?
Red Flanders: Do you want anything, Elmo?
Elmo 2: Nah I’m good.
Red Flanders: But if you don’t order anything I’m gonna feel like a fatty.
Elmo 2: Okay fine I’ll get a Happy Meal. With the Sonic toys!
Red Flanders: (to the operator) And, um, a Happy Meal with the Sonic toys please.
Operator: That’ll be six dollars and eighty nine cents please.
Red Flanders: Cool, thank you!
[Red Flanders hangs up.]
Red Flanders: Right, now to call the real Anti-Filipino-Asian-Group.
[Cut to Zoltan in Discord Fast Food]
Zoltan: Okay, let’s see… Someone ordered an Among Us cake.
[Zoltan grabs some ingredients]
Zoltan: I have no idea how to make a cake but ok
[Laugh track]
[Zoltan throws together some flour and sugar, making a big mess in the kitchen]
Zoltan: Oh dear.
Peppa Pig Narrator: Hey! That’s what I say!
Zoltan: No one likes you.
[Laugh track; Cut to Red Flanders using his devil powers to break down the Full Server house door.]
Pluto: What the-?!
SpongeBot: What’s going on? [she turns around to see Elmo 2 and Red Flanders] Flanders?! Elmo 2?! What are you two doing in our household?!
Red Flanders: CHICKEN ASS, THAT’S WHAT!
[Laugh track]
Red Flanders: And also to get our diddly revenge for killing us and then abandoning us at the diddly cemetery.
SpongeBot: Still stuck on the diddly thing, huh? How pathetic.
[Laugh track.]
Jess: (breastfeeding Gaby) Ned Flanders? What the-
Pluto: Halloween isn’t for another six months yet.
[Laugh track]
Red Flanders: What?! (looks at his devil costume) Oh, this isn’t a Halloween costume. It’s my new ding-dong-diddly look. And it’s not Ned Flanders anymore… it’s Red Flanders.
[The audience gasps.]
SpongeBot: Red Flanders? …really?
Red Flanders: IT’S A GOOD NAME!
Jess: It’s a bad name.
Pluto: Yeah, did you think of it in the car ride here?
Red Flanders: I- I- Ugh, I can’t with you guys, I really can’t. JUST SURRENDER NOW OR ELSE!
[Pause.]
SpongeBot: …or else what?
Pluto: Yeah, you and what army?
[Suddenly, the Anti-Filipino-Asian-Group burst in.]
Zoltan: (screams) THE ASIANGS ARE COMING!
[Laugh track; Purple bursts in]
Purple: DID SOMEBODY SAY RACISM?!
[Laugh track]
Xi Jingping: Where is the one they call… Luis?
[Luis walks out from the shower.]
Luis: Hey guys what’s happening?
Xi Jingping: YOU!
Jess: soulja boy tell em
[Laugh track]
Xi Jingping: PREPARE TO BE CRUCIFIED!
Luis: what the hell guys
[Laugh track]
Xi Jingping: I SAID PREPARE TO BE CRUCIFIED!
Luis: But but- I’ve literally just come back to life! I'm too young to be crucified! I haven't even had sex with my girlfriend yet!
Xi Jingping: NO SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE!
[Laugh track]
Zoltan: Finally something based!
Red Flanders: (munching on popcorn) What time is our McDonald’s getting here, Elmo?
Elmo 2: No idea.
[Cut to Luis half-naked and nailed to a wooden cross in the Full Server backyard.]
Luis: Um… a little help?
[Laugh track]
SpongeBot: Why is Luis being crucified again?
Xi Jingping: Because I hate asians.
Zoltan: BASED!
SpongeBot: But… aren’t you asian?
[Pause.]
Pluto: Gee, this reminds me of the 1940s.
Xi Jingping: Well um… you know… Luis is a different type of asian, okay?! We’re the Anti-Filipino-Asian-Group! Or A-F-A-Gs for short!
Jess: AFAG? Like British slang for cigarettes? 
Xi Jingping: Exactly!
Luis: Um… I don’t really want to die again in this episode!
Xi Jingping: I don’t care! No one does!
Luis: Oh okay.
Red Flanders: Don’t worry. Crucifixion is a very noble way to go out. Maybe some people will make a diddly religion about you, I don’t diddly fucking know.
[Laugh track]
Xi Jingping: Any last words, Luis?
Luis: Well yes actually. You see, when I was a little boy-
[Luis suddenly fucking dies. Very loud laugh track.]
Xi Jingping: Well that was easy.
Moon Jae-In: I think we can go now.
Xi Jingping: Yeah.
[The AFAGs leave. Pause.]
Zoltan: Well who wants Taco Bell?
[Laugh track]
Jess: If I had a nickel for every time Luis died this episode, I’d have two nickels. Which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it happened twice.
Red Flanders: WAIT! I JUST ORDERED THE DING-DONG-DIDDLY FUCKING DEATH OF THE LEADER OF THIS FAMILY! …AND YOU GUYS DON’T CARE AT ALL?
SpongeBot: No not really. We could just revive him again, and even if we don’t he’s barely in this series anyway.
[Purple enters]
Purple: Hey guys, what did I miss?
SpongeBot: Luis is dead again.
[Laugh track]
Purple: WHAT?! Didn’t he die like earlier today?
SpongeBot: Yep.
Purple: Wait wait wait wait wait… so if Luis is dead again-
SpongeBot: Oh for [BEEP]’s sake here we go again.
[Laugh track]
Purple: -THAT MEANS I’M KING AGAIN!
[CrazySponge materialises into existence]
CrazySponge: hi
[Laugh track]
Purple: Nope. You are not going to buy me again. Worst mistake.
CrazySponge: Why not?
Purple: It was fine in the beginning, but the gay BDSM was too much.
[Laugh track]
Red Flanders: Ugh. You know what?! You guys are actually the worst. I’m out of here, but I’ll be back! Come on, Elmo.
Elmo 2: Actually Elmo wants to stay here.
Red Flanders: Fuck you.
[Laugh track; Red Flanders storms out.]
SpongeBot: Ha! Loser!
Mike: Wait, why is Elmo 2 here?
Zoltan: Well, you see what happened was Luis jumped out of the window so we had to rush him to the hospital and he was also sick so unfortunately he died so we decided to get Elmo 5 to revive him and also Elmo 2 because Elmo 3 wanted to but Elmo 5 accidentally revived the entire graveyard and we forgot to bring Elmo 2 home from the graveyard and also Ned Flanders was there but now he’s Red Flanders and he doesn’t like us for some reason so he called the AFAGs to crucify Luis and now Luis is dead again but Elmo 2 is here so yeah.
Mike: Oh okay. Also I hate Jewish people.
[Laugh track]
Zoltan: Well I’m going back to work.
[Cut to Zoltan at Discord Fast Food; Prim enters]
Prim: Ayo.
Zoltan: YOU! WHY!
Prim: Well anyway I'm gonna go have hot ghost sex with my wife. Wanna have a threesome?
Zoltan: I’M NOT GAY! Plus I'm at work I can't have sex at work.
Prim: Suit yourself.
Zoltan: Looks like somebody ordered… deez nuts. What are deez nuts?
Worker: Gottem.
Zoltan: What
Worker: CHICKEN ASS THATS WHAT
Zoltan: DIE
Worker: Anyway, a certain person named Candice ordered ligma.
Zoltan: Candice who?
Worker: CANDICE DICK FIT IN YO MOUTH!
Zoltan: That would be gay. What’s ligma?
Worker: LIGMA BALLS!
Zoltan: STOP
Worker: Okay, okay, so Joe…
Zoltan: Joe? NotJoe?
Worker: No, Joe MAMA!
Zoltan: AGH! THIS IS WHY I HATE WOMEN! I’M GOING TO TALK TO A REAL MAN!
[Zoltan walks outside of the kitchen and only sees females]
Zoltan: That’s odd. Only members of the inferior sex appear to work here.
[Laugh track]
Zoltan: Wait a minute… does this mean… I’m working a WOMEN’S JOB?! NO! I cannot do this for any longer! I am going home to mow the lawn!
[Zoltan exits Discord Fast Food through the back door. Laugh track. Cut back to the Full Server household where SpongeBot is making brownies]
SpongeBot: Who wants brownies?
Zoltan: (just coming in) FOOD! YES! MADE BY A WOMAN AND NOT A MAN!
SpongeBot: I guess the Discord Fast Food job didn't work out.
Zoltan: No because working in the kitchen is a women’s job and I hate women.
Pluto: I'd like some brownies, SpongeBot.
Liz: Didn’t you hear? Brownies turn you lesbian.
Pluto: They WHAT?!
Zoltan: I HATE LESBIANS!
SpongeBot: Fine, suit yourselves. (eats a brownie) Charli sure is hot, huh?
[Laugh track]
Zoltan: It's true! They DO turn you lesbian! Everyone, don't eat the brownies!
Prim: Too late.
Zoltan: You're dead to me.
[Laugh track]
Zoltan’s Mum: Son, don’t hate on lesbians! They’re perfectly fine! I mean as a bisexual-
Zoltan: You’re dead to me.
[Laugh track]
Zoltan’s Mum: Whatever. Scatman let’s record another 24 hour challenge.
Scatman: Okay!
[They leave]
CrazySponge: can i buy your company
CrazySponge: This family sucks! I can never buy anything! I’m leaving! I’m going to buy this house once… I WILL! YES! HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
[CrazySponge goes outside and gets crushed by House]
Zoltan: oh god oh fuck
Prim: So SpongeBot, I think we need to have an important discussion about our child.
SpongeBot: Which one?
[Laugh track]
Prim: Elmo 4, jackass.
SpongeBot: How would I know that? We literally number our children!
Jess: Now that's a level maths!
[Laugh track]
Prim: Never mind that. What I'm trying to say is, Elmo 4 is ready for preschool!
Elmo 4: YAY!!!
SpongeBot: Preschool, huh? I hope there's no Mr. Bakers there… or worse, Mr. Renauds.
Purple: You guys should know by now that I can't go within 500 miles of a preschool.
SpongeBot: Wait, why?
Purple: I'm a registered sex offender.
SpongeBot: I forgot, we already have a Renaud right here.
[Everyone laughs. Laugh track and applause as the episode fades to black and credits roll with the YMCA by the Minions playing. The post credits scene starts.]
Lil Grizz: I am in prison.
[Laugh track; suddenly Dan bursts through the wall.]
Lil Grizz: …I mean it’s about time.
Dan: C’mon lil cuz, let's get you outta here!
Lil Grizz: Please never call me lil cuz ever again.
[Laugh track and the episode ends]
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