The Mystery of the Black Sponge Remade

"The Mystery of the Black Sponge Remade", also known as "The Ethical Dilemma of SpongeBob Pornography", is the eighth episode of the first season of Leader Plankton! Remade, and the eighth episode overall.
== Plot ==
Squidward gets SpongeBob and Patrick to pose nude for his pornographic paintings.
== Transcript ==
(The episode starts with a ringing alarm noise as Squidward wakes up, with massive purple bags under his eyes)
Squidward: Time for work again, Squiddy. Make this your special day. Nyah-nyah-nyah!
(After laughing obnoxiously, Squidward steps out of bed - hesitantly - in his pajamas and starts to make himself some coffee, but can hear noise from outside)
Squidward: That better not be those knuckleheads SpongeBob and Patrick wanting to play on the weekends. Those men pay mortgages and still go jellyfishing. Nyah! What’s next? Blowing bubbles whilst doing taxes?
(SpongeBob bursts through Squidward’s window, holding bubbles and $200 in cash)
SpongeBob: Hey Squidward, want to pay my taxes while me and Patrick blow bubbles?
Squidward: Now why would I want to pay your taxes?
SpongeBob: Well I know you don’t like the more active stuff, Squidwardiard, so I figured you may want to play some more calming casual games. Like my gas bill!
Squidward: Why do you only pay $200 total in tax?
SpongeBob: The government loves me!
(Cut to SpongeBob in an Oval Office type building holding a gun to the head of President Snoop Dogg)
Snoop Dogg: This shizzle is too realizzle. I’ll do whatever you want, SpongeBizzle.
(Cut back to SpongeBob in Squidward’s house)
Squidward: How about I do something else, SpongeBob? Like have my peace and quiet not interrupted by you two spazatrons!
SpongeBob: Geez, Squidward, I didn’t know you were ableist. Maybe you should draw something to really express your feelings onto paper!
(He hands Squidward a piece of scrap paper and a pencil)
Squidward: Well, what a wonderful idea. Say…
(A thought bubble appears, and something happens in it but it is all obscured by pixellation and censor bars)
Squidward: Delightfully devilish, Squidward. Say, SpongeBob, bring Patrick in and we can get you to do some poses for me so I can draw you all how you really come off in person.
SpongeBob: What an excellent idea, Squidward! I’ll bring him in now!
(Squidward rubs his hands menacingly before it cuts to Plankton and Karen in the Chum Bucket, crossing their arms and not facing each other)
Karen: If you weren’t such a puny parasite, maybe we wouldn’t have fights this often!
Plankton: Well at least I can understand real EMOTION, Karen!
Karen: Sheldon, you programmed me!
Plankton: (tears up) AND SOMETIMES I THINK I DAMN WELL SHOULDN’T HAVE!
(Plankton runs out of the Chum Bucket, sobbing, before Mr. Krabs enters after him)
Mr. Krabs: What’s the matter with the walkin’ talkin’ HPV?
Karen: He’s just overreacting. He thinks that because I spend so much time with Ms. Puff that we could be lesbian lovers.
(Krabs’ eyes start to pulsate out of his antennae and his heart visibly starts pumping)
Krabs: L-L-Lesbians?!
(Krabs starts barking, and Karen picks up a phone)
Karen: God, all men are so self-entitled. (she dials a number) Hi, Puffy… do you wanna go to the Shitty Shrimp tonight? …Hell yeah, I’ve got some more Silly Sheldon Stories for you today. Krabs too.
(Cut back to Squidward in his house, now fully-clothed, as he has set out a tripod in front of a white backdrop in his living room, on which SpongeBob and Patrick are sitting on)
Squidward: Okay, SpongeBob. I’m going to need you to take off that tie.
SpongeBob: Sure thing, Squiddy! I didn’t even go to work today! BAHAHAHA
Squidward: While you’re at it, you might as well take your pants off too. This isn’t professional. 
SpongeBob: (taking the tie off) Hey, Squidward, I don’t particularly think I need to take off all my clothes.
Squidward: Think about it, SpongeBob: I’m going to make my artist’s depiction of the natural sponge: What Bob really looks like outside of the casual, happy demeanor. You often say, “I’m ready!”, but what does SpongeBob really think? Is he REALLY ready? The only way to find out is for you to strip, so we can see the real vulnerabilities, and so we can see some of those absorbent pores.
Patrick: He’s got a point.
SpongeBob: Well, if you say so, Squidward…
Patrick: Hey, can I get naked too?!
Squidward: ABSOLUTELY! Why didn’t I think of that? Nyah-nyah-nyah!
(He starts taking pictures as SpongeBob struggles to take his pants off, so a naked Patrick helps him get out of his underwear. Suddenly, the amount of photos Squidward is taking increases greatly)
Squidward: Oh yes… that’s the good stuff, baby!
(Cut to Ms. Puff and Karen at the Shitty Shrimp, being served by Pearl)
Pearl: What do you gals want? We got all kindsa shrimp!
Karen: Oh, we’re not ordering anything. I’m a robot…
Ms. Puff: And I’m on a diet.
Pearl: We have fat-free shrimp if you want!
Karen: We’re not here to eat. We’re just here to talk.
Pearl: Well, you can talk anywhere! We’ve got a business to run.
(Zoom out to show an empty restaurant) 
Ms. Puff: Sure you have, honey. Now run along!
(Pearl sulks and runs back to the kitchen)
(Cut back to a visibly tired SpongeBob and Patrick with Squidward next to a pile of artwork. Squidward is painting like a madman)
SpongeBob: (yawning) Squidward, how much longer do you need us to do this? I'm so tired I can barely keep my eyes open.
Squidward: Shut the fuck up and keep still! I am on fire!
SpongeBob: I think Patrick's asleep.
Squidward: Well that's too bad for him, isn't it? Now how about you… hmmm… put your left leg over Patrick's forehead suggestively.
SpongeBob: But I already did that!
Squidward: No, that was your RIGHT leg. Just do it.
(SpongeBob sighs angrily as he hesitantly does what Squidward asked)
Squidward: (Frantically painting, before stopping) There! It’s a masterpiece! Now… How about you…
(Squidward realizes SpongeBob is sleeping too)
Squidward: Everyone’s a fucking critic! (Squidward takes his painting and places it in a pile labeled “SPONGEBOB PATRICK PORN” which lays right next to a much, much smaller pile reading “KELPY G EROTICA”)
(Cut to Mr. Krabs, naked, going on the Internet on his very old computer)
Krabs: Ah… I love Porno Tuesday. Now, where else can my sex-crazed addiction be satisifed? There’s often some good stuff on DeviantArt… (Clicks) Necrophilia? Nah. Been there, done that.(looks towards the audience with dismay, then clicks again) Huh? Oh, wow, Squidward uploaded some art! I knew he’d give up on his dream of being a painter and start uploading onto cartoon porn sites. I wonder what he’s uploaded– (clicks) Oh my…
(Cut to the Krusty Krab from the outside, slowly filling up with water)
Krabs: (offscreen) …FLOOD!
(The Krusty Krab completely blows up, and white glue-like liquid spills out; Cut to Plankton exiting the Chum Bucket)
Plankton: Yessir, this feels like the day… the day I STEAL THE KRABBY PATTY SECRET FORMULA FOR GOOD! (Laughs, before he sees the Krusty Krab exploding) What the fuck??????
(The white liquid forms a huge wave going right to his location; Plankton screams as he tries running away, but the wave catches up with him and Plankton falls victim, drowning in the wave)
(Cut to Ms. Puff and Karen still at the Shitty Shrimp)
Karen: Oh my God, girl, Sheldon is such a brat. I figured I would never have children with him, but I didn’t expect him to become one!
Ms. Puff: (Laughs obnoxiously) So what’s this about Eugene?
Karen: Oh, he just has an… unhealthy obsession with stealing Eugene’s formula. Sometimes I just want him to drown in a huge tsunami of cum.
(Cut to Plankton, exhausted, garbling and barely conscious in a sea of white glue-like liquid, then cut to Squidward in his house counting up stacks of cash)
Squidward: $100,000, $200,000, $300,000! Wow, who’da thought SpongeBob’s absorbent pores would get me so much dough?
(Squidward points a spliff towards a woman in a bikini)
Squidward: Light this for me, biatch.
(The woman digs in her panties for a lighter and lights Squidward’s spliff)
Squidward: Now get in the kitchen, you hoe. I need my dinner.
(The woman leaves for the kitchen but before Squidward can start smoking, there’s a knock on the door)
Squidward: Who is it?
SpongeBob: (offscreen) It’s me, SpongeBob!
Gary: (offscreen) Meow.
SpongeBob: (Offscreen) Gary, that’s racist.
Squidward: Come in!
(SpongeBob opens the door and looks in surprise at all of the luxury items that Squidward has bought, like his 24 carat wide screen TV, a sofa made out of pure diamond, and most importantly, the scantily-clad women he bought as slaves)
SpongeBob: Gee, Squidwardiard, I didn’t think you’d be able to afford any of this working at the Krusty Krab.
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: Gary! I’m telling you, you’re gonna get canceled.
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: Yes, Gary, I AM aware of crime statistics among squids.
Squidward: Oh, you silly sponge, I’m not working at the Krusty Krab anymore. I’m hoarding all this dough from my… artistic endeavors. 
SpongeBob: W-what kinda art?
Squidward: (realises that SpongeBob doesn’t know that he’s been in pornographic art) Uh… well, that’s for another time, SpongeBob. A magician never reveals his tricks… (nervously laughs) 
Gary: (Sighs) Meow meow meow.
SpongeBob: HE MADE ART OF WHAT??????? How do you know that???
(Cut to Gary late at night on the computer, with lube next to him as he browses the internet)
Gary: Meow meow meow… (Hits the lube bottle with his left eyeball as it spills on his face) 
(Cut back to SpongeBob having terse words with Squidward in his home)
SpongeBob: I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU, SQUIDWARD! I trusted you with the delicate beauties of my naked body and you sold it as art?!
Squidward: …Yes.
SpongeBob: You need Jesus, Squidward. 
(An angelic voice comes down from the heavens)
Angelic Voice: Seems like I’m just in time.
SpongeBob: Obama???
Angelic Voice: …Sure, I’m Obama. Now, Squidward…
Squidward: Yes, Mr. President?
Angelic Voice: You know that it was wrong to draw porn of your friend.
Squidward: How was it “Wrong???”
Angelic Voice: You didn’t have his consent.
Squidward: He literally stripped naked for me.
SpongeBob: Yeah, Obama, to be fair to Squidward, I did do it on purpose.
Gary: Meow, meow?
Angelic Voice: What is it, Gary?
Gary: Meow meow meow meow?
Angelic Voice: What??? No, transgender people don’t go straight to the darkest pits of Hell! Just the second-darkest. 
SpongeBob: Hey, Obama, I think you’re getting kinda distracted.
Angelic Voice: Hey, I don’t come down to Earth and criticize YOU for how YOU act.
Squidward: That’s what you’re doing right now.
Angelic Voice: Fuck you guys! If you don’t need my help, and you want to live in a society where you can draw porn of each other like sex-crazed rabbits humping everything in sight, so be it.
SpongeBob: Sounds good to me.
(The Flying Dutchman enters Squidward’s house)
The Flying Dutchman: Where da hoes???? I need to beat me meaty ghost dick to some fine ass hoes with the FATTEST asses imaginable. I want to DROWN in the girl pussy, foo!
(End)
== Trivia ==
* This episode actually has jack shit to do with Leader Plankton!
Category:Leader Plankton! Remade
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Category:Episodes written by AllisonLoaded
Category:JustInCaseTheDingusRunsAway
Category:Episodes written by JustInCaseTheDingusRunsAway
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Category:Smut
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