Top 3 Reasons to Kick the Summer off with a Lobotomy!

Ah yes, Summer. The season where we all Stay inside because it's Always piss hot. But just because you'll be kickin' inside doesn't mean you can't be Stylin' as Fuck! So here's how you can change with a Lobotomy.
== 1: You'll be More Limber ==
Did you know that there are multiple little spiders in your brain? I put them there. By allowing your brain spiders more activity in your cranium, your mobility will increase tenfold, and unlock the secrets of the Human ! Just see the results of this research I refuse to source-- "My fingers fell off one by one until I had no more left, and I could begin. I Cannot recommend this procedure enough!" one Human said. If you're not human though, perhaps the next few reasons will be a big seller to you and your situation!
== 5: k ==
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== 3: Let's face it, I need Your Body a lot More than You Do. ==
When I went to Build-a-Bear as a 333 year old orphan who had just lost his parents during War on Jupiter, I was enamored by the idea of doing what they did there with Humans, then using them as puppets. When I suggested this to the staff, I was put on Trial for Murder. Luckily, I ended up in Jail, but the Idea still managed to fester in my Tits for awhile, and it's about to come to fruition. Thanks, I'm fucking stupid.
Really consider the possibilities of this. You hate it here. You hate this world. Most people would suggest therapy, but I'm here to affirm the idea that You don't need to take Difficult steps for happiness, simply let me trick you into thinking your pain and faults are the result of one person. I think if you submit yourself to me and let me use you as a puppet, happiness will grow into you like a mold. Then you will only be happiness.
If none of that strikes your fancy, then I still got some sweet deals for you: I will also remove your organs, and fill you with fluff. You won't bleed anymore. You won't feel pain. I think this is an Excellent Deal for you. Call right now, And I'll sew a nipple into your armpit for FREE! That's right, FREE!
== 2: It might do a Helps! ==
Turns out, people are Really