ChillVampire's Midland's Oneshot

Be me, DM running experimental one shot in Gloria-Etalia setting
Be not me, 3rd level Barbarian Maid for Vampire Baroness and Old Farmer Warlock
Both are from the Grand Duchy, becuase that is the area that I know best
Cannibal cults have been stealing a few people here and there
Soldiers would just get lost and taken out if they cross as a group
Vampire Baroness tasks party to go across the border and kill some cultists
Would remind them not to mess with the Duchy
Also tasked to bring back any dead bodies if they can get away with it
Old Farmer Warlock to be paid by the tounge, the maid will get a special payment
Get sent across the border during the night becuase they have sunlight sensitivity
Crosses a very steep mountainous pass but with not a lot of width to it,so they cross easily enough
Land in marshland and are stunned by strange and alien world
They have never seen so much fauna in their life, due to the ecology of the Duchy
tfw trees have green things on them, and toad isn't pure black
Barbarian casts speak with animals to talk to the toad
Rolls a history check to remember what the cultists look like and some basic lore about them
Gets a nat 1
Can only remember rumors about cultists
"They are savage, inhuman creatues that are basically monsters"
Toad leads them to a scary looking tree, and then buggers off
They go into the marshes searching for cultists
Find a human footprint, and follow it back to a camp
Camp is five humans around an unlit campfire
1 man, 3 women, and 1 boy, who all have only a blanket on them
Party decides to stealth up to take them out one by one
Debate on who to take out first, and Old Farmer Warlock throws a knife as a distraction to wake them up
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throws knife and wakes the boy up, who fails his spot check and lies back down
Fails to overhear the party debating what to do next
Party takes a look at the cultists, and notice a few things
Cultists have chunks of flesh missing
fingers, toes, flesh from the body
Party realises that cultists cannot be cultists, and must be native running from the cultists
nat 1 history check from earlier comes to bite them in the ass
Decide that they cannot kill such helpless savages
Will bring them back alive to live to become civilized in the Duchy
Barbarian talks about how the kid is should be the priority, as he can be convinced to be civilised the easiest
Decide what to do next
Old Farmer Warlock decides to eldrich blast their campfire pit, to wake them all up
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"Are you sure"
"...Umm..."
"...Yes"
WHYYYYYY.jpg
Old Farmer Warlock's player did bike 12 miles in 92 degree weather today, so I don't blame his decision making on him
Old Farmer Warlock blows up the campfire with a flaming eldrich blast
Proceeds to give a simi-coherent speech about coming with them to live a better, move civilized life
Tries to convince them to come with the party
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PC's look like pale humans due to having never been exposed to the sun
Giant pupils to see in the dark
Just blew up their camp with an ELDRICH BLAST
I call a break to go to the bathroom, and burst out laughing when I must myself
I come back, and tell Old Man Farmer to roll persuasion with disatvantage
Doesn't make the two nat 20s somehow to not make them run away
They scream at the top of their lungs and run away
Maid Barbarian proceeds to ge a nat 20 on initative, Old Farmer Warlock a 21
All cultists get below a 15
Maid Barbarian then goes to grappel one of the women and a child who is grabing the women
15 DC to only get the woman, 20 DC to get both of them
rolls a 22
They cry out in fear
Old Farmer Warlock then casts hold person on the man
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The other two women start to run as fast as their legs can carry them
Maid Barbarian then tries to tie the woman-child combo up
Gets a nat 20
I rule that he gets another action because of the nat 20
Proceeds to shoot one of the running women in the leg, trying to deal non lethal damage
Gets max damage on the short crossbow, 10 dmg
Is using commoner statblock
Checks hp
4 hp for the commoner
She falls, instantly dead
Other woman hesitates for a second, then continues running
The woman and child are still crying and screaming
Old Farmer Warlock ties up man, and then starts to go after the other woman
Maid Barbarian goes to pick up the "unconscious" woman
Try to tell him to make a survival check, but keeps interrupting me to tell me that picking up the woman should be a free action
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Old Farmer Warlock runs after the other woman
Maid Barbarian makes the survival check
Realises there is a LOT of blood around for an unconscious person
Sets her down and covers her with some sticks
Walks back to the captured cultists covered in blood
Child starts to scream and cry, saying Kanra, Kanra!
Woman with him, who is also sobbing, hugs him closly
Maid Barbarian OOC makes the connection that they are "surface raiding like the drow"
Old Farmer Warlock comes back and lets the woman cultist get away
The man finally makes his save on the hold person spell, and starts to scream and cry as well
The party tries to calm them down, and says that they are here to help them
Woman figures out that they are from across the barrier (the mountians) from the Duchy
Man fails to spit on Old Farmer Warlock, and tells them that he would never submit to unholy monsters as his ruler.
Maid Barbarian takes this as a personal insult on his Dutchess, and proceeds to tell him that if he makes another comment like that again, she will kill him,
Man, thinks about this
"Vania, take care of the child."
Proceeds to insult the duchy, the vampires, and the PC
Vania screams out NOOOOO and starts to sob
The man has very good religious reasons why he wants to die rather than be brough back to the Duchy
I wrote some lore for them for this which I will post tomorrow
Basically he things that his soul will go to fuel the vampire
If he dies here, there is a chance they will leave his body where he could be found and eaten
His soul would then go into the people that ate him, instead of the unholy vampires
Maid Barbarian proceeds to pick him up by the neck and drag him away to get decapitated
Old Farmer Warlock convinces him not to kill the man
The man is screaming at her to kill him now
The woman and child are crying as they see their family member get hualed off to die
Is 11:15 and everyone wants to go to bed now except me
The session then ends with the PC's having no idea what to do
(Part 2)
Party has no idea what to do
Talks among themselves for 10irl minutes, debating options
Decide to head back to the mountain, and chain gang the captured cultists to bring them along with
Start to head back to the mountains and their exit
Halfway back they hear a noise and stop
Turning around, they see an old man crouching behind a tree watching them
They also see him motion his hand in a stop motion behind him
Roll initiative
Three old people dressed in robes and one shaggy beastman with bull horns step out of the woods
Mechanically, this is three acolytes and a reskinned lizardfolk attacking them
The captured cultists yell to him that they humans are dangerous
Old Farmer Warlock steps forward to attack, and gets half of his hp taken out by the beastman
Switches out with the Main Barbarian, who proceeds to fuck the cultists up
The cultists fall in short succession, and one even gets captured running away
The captures cultist is an old woman, who seems strangely fit and healthy for someone her age
She is unconscious, and is slung over the Maid Barbarians back
They continue to the mountains, and are unmolested along the way
They call up to the soldiers that they are back, who hear them and drop down two ropes
They call up that they have company with them
No response, as the soldiers don't hear them
During this, there have been small interactions between the cultists and the party
A lot of name calling on the cultists part, and one of them states that they would rather die than be brought to the party’s unholy masters
This is taken lightly by the party
They decide this will do and go to tie the captured cultists to the rope so they can climb up
They turn to find the ropes binding them fall away, and a knife in the woman's hand
They never searched the cultists
The cultists turn to run, and get stomped by the party
Old Farmer Warlock rolls a three to tie up the kid, does a terrible job and knows it
Turn to talk to the man and woman some more, and tell them that they were foolish to try to escape
See a smirk on the man’s face and relief on the woman’s, and turn to see that the child is gone
”Oh well, we still have you three”
Go to search the man and woman to see what they find
Cultist man rolls a 13 to hide his knife, Maid Barbarian rolls a twelve
Being satisfied, they tie them to the mountain rope, and they all start to head up
Man, then woman, then Maid Barbarian with the old woman cultist on one rope
Old Farmer Warlock is on the other rope
Halfway up, they see a glint in the man’s hand, who starts to cut the rope to head back up the mountain
Maid Barbarian cannot get to him, and asked Old Farmer Warlock to do something
Old Farmer Warlock decides to simply blast him
The cultist are using the commoner stat block, instant death
His knife falls out of his hand, and the wife catches it
Maid Barbarian sees this and armlocks the hand behind her back
She drops the knife, and it is sent down the mountain to the earth
Maid Barbarian makes a comment on how the man must have been suicidal to the woman, to try to send them to their doom like that
”Better death than oblivion”
Maid Barbarian does some acrobatics to untie the man
Debates whether to just cut him and half and have the blood and guts fall on his wife on the way down
Decides against this, and just tosses him off of the mountain
They continue up, and reach the top
Are met by the guards, who bring them up and gets them situated
The woman tries and fails to run off of the mountain top, is stopped by Maid Barbarian’s firm grip
They rapellel down the other side, back to the Grand Duchy and away from that unfamiliar land
Halfway down, the cultist woman goes into a freefall
Her rope gets caught by the Maid Barbarian, but falls enough to warrant a d4 of damage
With her shit luck, would most likely get a 1 and would only be lightly bruised
Gets a 4 and the woman falls unconscious
Maid Barbarian decided to rappel down with her
Gets a shit roll, and they both go into a freefall,
Maid Barbarian catches herself and the woman’s rope, but the woman falls enough to warrant another d4 of damage
Most likely going to just get a 1 or 2 and be fine, if still unconscious on a cliff
Gets a 4, and her head cracks against the rocks
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Maid Barbarian retrieves the body and gets to the bottom safely
Goes back to the outpost to meet back up with the vampire lieutenant
After taking a bath to get all of the blood off of them, they head up
Finds the lieutenant waiting for them, and is out of uniform
Congratulates them on not only spreading fear among the cultists, but going above and beyond bringing one back alive
Says that the live one would make a good gift to the Duke and Duchess themselves
Askes to.. “experience” the dead woman, and her blood should still be warm
They agree, and leave the room for a few minutes
Come back, and the lieutenant looks a lot healthier, with a red flush fresh in his cheeks
Smiles, pays Old Farmer Warlock 100 gp for his work and the “excellent meal”
For the Maid Barbarian, writes a letter recommending 1 week off as her reward
Maid Barbarian is surprised at the generosity, and accepts this along with the praise from the admiral
Sessions ends with them heading back by carriage, looking out at their homeland, and thinking about what they just did
This is technically continued in ChillVampire's Vashian Heist Oneshot.
Category:Writefaggotry