Hauns Beschützer/Portfolio

==Poetry==
Hauns writes poetry every day, originally as an exercise in creativity but now on doctors' orders. He shares these poems with his girlfriend, My Princess, at the request of his therapist.
===Daily Poems===
#1     Destro Pieces	#1     Destro Pieces
H.B.
There is no mirror...
The reflection I see
my broken mind sieves
Legs buckling
writhing in decay
my feet fetter
calves petrify
as you, not I
me, not me
The images I see
memories
dark lonesome
memories
“You could have saved her”
but I was six
“you could have tried”
my father gaze
broke my limbs
sacrifice unmade
blood of blood
flows around me
She was my muse
she is my destruction
it's not me I see
it's her
her legs buckling
her feet rooted
writhing fist over fist
until
the image fades
and I die each day it does.	
#2     I r Sleep?	#2     I r Sleep?
H.B.
The dark sky
seeps into my skin
leaving loose minds
dark eyes
and vision dimmed
Am I dead
or still liv'n
if this is a dream
I wish not for it be real
the exhaustion
is destroying me
I sway in the moon
casting shadow
on the rolling tides
and I am about to crash
face first
in to grass
if I can make it.	
#3     Salmons plight	#3     Salmons plight
H.B.
From river to sea
and back
tea leaves writ as script
that never changes
not in years
decades
but locked
we are free to the ocean
we are called to the rivers
and while we are but fickle things
to bring life
is death
is torture
is change
but we lived
and had our moment	
#4     Narcoz	#4     Narcoz
H.B.
there is always the light
lost in the tunnels edge
and no matter how much you try
for some reason you are lost
never to find that end
No matter how happy I try be
the dull inner, breaks
against walls, against rocks
against hearts
Madness surrounds me
my eyes dim
and when I close them
I wish I could dream
but I cannot
I wonder what the world would be
if pillows were not a waist of money for me
nor covers so soft and warm
yet never enough
SO why I am
I cannot say
but I know this
in the narrow parts of my brain
I die each day for a moment
and I call that bliss
.	
#5     The dead are never	#5     The dead are never
H.B.
I am drained
hard to explain the way that I
delusion and depravity
seep through the nether
rots the spine
and the bleak that is
I am
the dark apparatus
I become
lost to the demon
targeting
that which I do not know
nor will I see
as my eyes become husks
in its ravage.	
#6     My Princess	#6     My Princess
H.B.
I find the world aloof
wanting for more
destined for greatness
but as soon as it is within
fingers' grasp it fades
That day we met
her eyes devoured mine
and I became the melted center of
one of those candies I enjoyed as a child
My breath was taken
I was not held back by nerves
and found inspiration
in the darkest parts of my heart
I call her My Princess
she calls me her prince
but she saved me from the dragon
and for that
I can only shower her in gold	
#7     Der Dämon im Inneren	#7     Der Dämon im Inneren
H.B.
I was a dreamer
lost to a false reality
and now I am triggered
as that which was real
crumbles between my fingers
and Zimm is revealed
peeking from the darkness
all I can feel is numb
numbness and cold
as the world unfolds
without my control
divulging to me that
blood is only told
and tells the story
of the old a guard
for which stood a century
I am eroded down
to the husk
and now you're gloating
because your inner shell
is exploding outward
to the cosmos
I am here,
the demon of H
the wrath that's written
and soon he will have no choice
but unleash me.	
#8     In the brightest Corner I writhe	#8     In the brightest Corner I writhe
H.B.
The fragility of humanity is monstrous
Lost to a world that knows nothing of us
but the dust we leave in its winds
Grieving is a funny thing to me
Do I grieve my mother
who found only hurt in this world
or my father who found only anger
I am the bastard child of a demon I do not know
flows through my veins
cold and frigid to the bone
and I am but a body for it to control
Where shall it take me?
What shall I do?
What shall I become?
I am lost to this world that hates me
Hates me or loves me
and it is I who hates myself
Either way
I am lost
Wanting to fight
for something
I could not as a child
And in the end
I find the only pathway
is the dark
is the bleak
is nothingness
and my heart grows 
blacker still
because of it.	
#9     Gravity on Edge	#9     Gravity on Edge
H.B.
My eyes forward see
what my peripheries
do not
I am lost in the jungle of
soot and steel
each turn at the edge of oblivion
I am hive mind
this rock I roll
does not control itself
but is one with me
4 wheels,
horses for miles
make each curve
grace
and fold forced rubber
back to straight lines
I am the curves I ride
I am the line that lists
and in the end
I am
Zimm	
#10     Glass	#10     Glass
H.B.
I am a dreamer
high on the blue hues
that break up the gray skies
of the bustling city
I am free here
I see clear my goals and hopes
and you are the one for me
My dreamer, everything
I can't think of a moment in my day
when your eyes don't grace my thoughts
and I am lost in the infinity
that your smile wakes
I can breath
but I'm breathless
I fall to the depths of the sea
and bring treasure to bare
for my queen
I am naive
Not fit to be in her presence
but she lets me stay
and I do
her Glass shoes
click to every marble step
And I can’t but follow
–I am a prince
Not by birth, nor right
I am cobbler
and the slipper fits
and while she was always Noble
It was me who changed
I am the luckiest man
and only find everything in her
she calls me worthy
I fall to black
she follows suit
and we’re just like that
She wants a man with money
So do I
so work to be that for her
until the day I die.	
#11     I am, You are	#11     I am, You are
H.B.
I am the breath of fresh air
in your morning
the stand for which you drape
yourself each night
and I am the willow slow swaying
and you make me weep
in harsh winds.
I am the world in a bottle
I am the ship at sea
and you are the gold crested statue
bow forward
leading me
I smile in your presence
I smile when your away
because your eyes
find me
In every window I see
Your smile 
I can't get out of my mind
and I know now that you
make each step I take
Possible
Water hardens in your wake
nowhere impossible for you to go
and for some reason those soles
lead you back to me each day
I am stone in your warmth
slowly shed away
and you are a sculptor
which recreates me
each morning.	
#12     The kingdom we build together.	#12     The kingdom we build together.
H.B.
There is never a day when
you don't drift the mind
and make my heart climb
mountain tops
You make me cool
in the summer heat
you make me warm
in November's early snow
I carry you from our home
to the sea
as princess needs not
to deal with such things
We dance in the waves
and there are moments
when the water
begins to rise
I see a mermaid calling
this sailor to the sea
and when the waves pass
we are nowhere to be seen
Buckets of sand make castles
and for you, I'd build a kingdom
She is my princess
Why would I not
give her things
That she is ought
I am a dreamer.. This I know
but I need not dream anymore
for each day, there she is
My Princess
to whom I leave these messages	
#13     Fish'n?	#13     Fish'n?
H.B.
So for the first time in what is the minor years of my life, I've gone fishing, or at least that is what it was called. We drove down to the sands, went onto the pier, and stared out at the gracious ocean, for which it let us peer.
Not far out in the water, did we have to look to bare, was a school of dolphins swimming, in two by two pairs. We stood there talking, the group of us that is, Until finally we walked back down the wooden road, To which we called it an end.
Now my understanding is this, To fish is to catch, but for us it was nay required for the ocean temptress kiss.
One moment a friend was there, the other they fell to the sea, it took a helicopter to find them, and another injury. Our leader saw them fall, and as leaders do, he took of his shirt and jumped!
The ocean shallowed in his leap and he hit a group of rocks, luckily we all saw him, so it was not long for us to get him back to ground. For our other friend, by land or sea, he could not be found.
911 was called, A helicopter was sent, and in that moment of despair, they had found him not far from where he leapt. We were all ecstatic to see him, as we gathered round, a robot named Pillbot, brought them back around.
We gathered in our cars, from the ocean to the city, and while we did not catch a thing, maybe those moments are what is called fishing.	
#14     Dark Oxegen	#14     Dark Oxegen
H.B.
Al be it the world is faltering in our existence
find frailty and a new answer in the depths
shall there be an unsettling figure rise
crying for a reason
that to accept that
destruction is the answer
-
We have recently learned
that all we know of this world
is not visible, or easily gained
but to find that oxygen is being produced
by meteoric rocks
with the right consistencies of materia
make life
-
In light of such findings
greed does weazel through
but what about the batteries
that we can provide
the emissions we wish to quell
-
There is no car can be made
no metal that can be bent
no battery that can be filled
where we do not worsen our home
so why this
why destroy something that brings
and sustains life
-
Greed, immortality, a moment of bliss
to pad the walls of the shelter
that soon you shall be in
For our destruction has paths
and we closing in
shall it be bombs
or our air
unknown until it happens.	
#15     The Matranix	#15     The Matranix
H.B.
There are days when the sky rises blue,
the night lowers orange.
I work hard
to pay bills and save for a car,
but then there are those days.
The days when I am there
and then I am not.
Darkness surrounds me,
my eyes gray,
and then not but a fleeting moment passes,
and I am back again.
There are times when I fall to the ground,
I wake in grass
and pavement,
pick myself up,
brush off the gravel or cuttings,
and go about as if nothing ever happened.
Is this world around me real,
or am I in the Matranix?
These are not my eyes
but a reflection of what I wish to be.
Is death not death
but being unplugged
from the cyber-Matranix around us?
I cannot know,
will not know,
until I am shown
via other means.
I am Neato,
Saver of the forgotten.
Or... I'm just crazy!~	
#16     I Walk Lone	#16     I Walk Lone
H.B.
I am 90 degrees
in the wrong direction
facing east when I
want to be facing you
that dress, your hands
and hear the voice
that said yes
yes to spending the rest your life
with this fool
I am obnoxious in the brevity
for which I compliment you each day
even when your away
I want you to know
my heart is beating in half steps
its not whole
waiting for your return
and fill the gaps
In that moment
my lungs can fill to full
my jaw lifts
as you shut it for me
your kiss
finds me waking from
the apples poison
Why this day am I so far
walking slowly away?
All that was real
fades to gray
your heart
as I held you in my arms
has stopped
and I know not
what else to do with myself
So I walk
I remember
Cry as my father told me never to do
a single tear is enough
to makes a still ocean quake
Finally alone
so alone
I can understand
the enormity for which you were
what you are still
as my being is devastated.	
#17     Reverie	#17     Reverie
H.B.
Her voice makes my mind stimulate,
formulate scenarios where we can
find a place
to nourish our palate,
drink Chardonnay,
and be enamored fully.
She is
the bugle blaring in the morning,
the café I need not drink,
for in her presence
I am woken.
As her fingers slide my chin,
I become three-dimensional
in my affection,
make the room my canvas,
and you the paint
that encompasses
my living area.	
#18     Found between the lines	#18     Found between the lines
H.B.
The wind does flow so
in ways we can't imagine
lost we are without it
found we are because
it is just
and right
and time makes moments happen
that you can't know will be
until they are
Today was that
intellectuals coming together
a line unseen made
and a window of opportunity prospers
There are as some say
hints of luck
in the days
one does not expect it
but this was not luck
it was fate
and friends who made those
who speak a language
only they understand
that of coal and stamped bark
pen to oil and in the lines that are writ
spark reality
We are of same mind
but different for sure
that difference makes cohesion
become magic
when spoke to the mind
Tragedy brings souls together
rips them apart
but how their lives can be seemed
back to close to its start
that is where healing begins.
We
those of us here
have been witness to that
in more a degree
I wish to speak
so I won't
I will let those who lived
live again in the hearts and minds
of those who did not get to fully know them
and bring respect and honor to their kin
in that from here
till voices end
all we remember is love!
So today was good day
Met a spirit akin to mine
and together we will collaborate
and ease the hurting minds
of those who were touched
by such veracity.	
#?     Echoes in the Abyss	#?     Echoes in the Abyss
H.B.
There are monsters for which I can't perceive
A broken mind or a mind broke free
Twisted from birth, or over time
It is a wonder how
A human
Can manipulate
And twist reality
If they find remorse in the end
Find a soul within
If they weren't born this way
But bred to be who they are
Do we take that with a grain of salt
Or is it now an afterthought?
In their death
Does no one care or worry
That they're bereft of redemption
The burdens that they carry
Maybe it is me
Who wonders that windy road
That lets those
Who find themselves
Even on death's golden door
Do I accept that they
Understand what they've done
And wish to undo the horrors
But I am not hive
Nor of mind to know their true intent
So I accept what is said
Until proof of their intent
Is dissolved
And finite.	
#?     La beauté tout autour de moi	#?     La beauté tout autour de moi
H.B. & Zimm
I am a dreamer
lost for words
Loss for all things good
I am a nightmare
constant recurring
always burning strong
in those moments when he
can't protect himself
I am Him
he is not me
but we are one
shadows hanging on the wall
we are parallel
he is the human
I am the gun
you hurt him
He will succumb
and I will control this shell
and make all wrongs
be gone
There are moments in my life, when I enjoy everything around me
the wind blows, the sky creates different shaped pillows
and I lay in the grass looking up and smiling
There are days when his smiles become fear
anxiety creeps in, his friends are pained
and he doesn't know what to do
That is when sanity prevails
and I resolve all grievances
make right the wrongs
through whatever means possible
Those days when there is silence, No phones, no people
nothing, just the sound of gravel under my feet
and ocean waves rolling. That is when I am complete.	
#19     Die zerbrochene Statue	#19     Die zerbrochene Statue
H.B.
never shall it be
as my words fade to ash
Your beauty is Profound	
#20     Sussurri di Ferro "Whispers of Iron"	#20     Sussurri di Ferro "Whispers of Iron"
H.B.
Bones break in many ways
knuckles to flesh
buried deep
until there is no flex back
simultaneous cracks
murmured under belted pain
I don't know why
but I am enamored
in the blood sport games
where life is fleeting
but those competing
put themselves in danger
I am no stranger to death
hell, I am a bookie
so I prey on those who make bets
on wins and losses
living and dying
those who find their strength
dissolving to a stronger human
While I should not smile
at such things
It is the coin I reap
for which I breathe
as I await a champion
be known	
#21     Sour Patch Friend	#21     Sour Patch Friend
H.B.
In memory of Johnny Our Blind bruting friend
We are all misunderstood
in one way or another,
and while I knew him not long,
I would protect him like a brother.
He spoke his mind,
and while most times
I didn't agree,
it does not take away
that he was himself
always.
I don't know what was brewing
or brooding in his mind,
nor do I know the life he lived
or the web he had to climb,
but I do know that I liked him
as he mumbled his despise.
I wish I knew him longer,
could have asked him more,
would have tried
to get to know him,
but time does not go back,
only forward.
I remember him as he was,
and while his passing is a shock,
he is imprinted in my mind
as a person I wish not
to have lost.	
#22     Lost in a dream	#22     Lost in a dream
H.B. & Zimm
Ready to Crumble
I am stuck in a dream
Tormented and twisted
She is the one for me
Deluded, demented am I
Lost in this paradigm
I am the vitriol within him
I see nothing but cherry and blue skies
I am relentless
She knows me more than any
The shell cracks; I must protect us
Makes my mind swoon, and my heart swell
He doesn't see that I am his vengeance
I am content
He is bursting
Her hand in mine, I am butter
Never more a fool, ready to crumble
She is the dream for which I need not wake
The diamond, even in the rough, I would not hesitate to wear
And in her presence, I lose all despair.
I am Zimm, no foster of love here
Her life is only valuable to the safety of H
But when he realizes
And their hearts change
I will be ready to do anything that I must
To make him whole again.	
#23     Drifted Echoes of Youth	#23     Drifted Echoes of Youth
H.B.
My eyes close in the heat,
Let the rolling tide ride.
I fall back, and I'm carried,
Slowly the waves relieve,
And all my stress
Falls in their wake.
I open wide to stillness,
An oasis of liquid,
No land to be seen.
I don't panic,
Lean my foot down
To find sand.
I rise,
Ripples relegate time,
Emanate toward me.
My skin softer,
My hair from gray to black,
The wrinkles fall,
The tears of time gone.
I wake from a dream,
Your eyes the ocean,
Feel 19 again.
But always have I,
In your presence,
I look away
And back—
You're no longer there,
I'm no longer 19.
My eyes fill,
A saltwater sheen
Slides down my wrinkled face,
Following the cracks
And then the ground.
Your ground,
Your home,
My bed,
My love,
Waiting for
The kindness of death
To return me to her.	
#24     The leap taken	#24     The leap taken
H.B.
Not more than now,
nor ever have I cared
for such as this
my passion I commit
the words and scribes,
I tell of others lives
and totalitize
is a changing event
I took time and effort
thought and process
to find a way to temper
the metal that was required
into this hopefulness
that we are able devise
a proper tuned
to take forward
to this place shell
that hold the pulse
of a city
and riles the troops
To stand tall, and no more recluse	
#25     Sanctimony	#25     Sanctimony
H.B.
The blade long and to the point
The handle of bone and wood
The hilt, silver, expensive maybe
The pommel encrusted in gold
But then
There is your hand
Stabbing at my heart
With such a delicate dagger
I'm staggered in your embrace
"I like the taste of you," she smiles
"I smell lavender," I writhe
We dance to the ground
My eyes black
My mind clear
Her savagery bliss
Brings me to tears
I am for her
As she is for me
And while we gut each other
We bandage the scars
The kiss of a thousand roses dying
Covers the ground
Her gown of lace and sinew
Stands my skeletal being to attention
We grimace in our intentions
She is mine
I am hers
We are at peace.	
#26     The Devil's Dance	#26     The Devil's Dance
H.B.
I feel bass riddle every bone,
a xylophone on steroids.
I can hear the tones flow,
and my legs rile,
my body moves,
and the rhythm commands.
When the crowd cheers,
I am with them;
we are a wave of confusion,
crossing the field to the other side as one.
Pull my girl closer,
then the room clears,
and there is only one—
one person in my mind,
one person I find divine,
one person that is mine.
And that is my Princess,
the temptress in the red dress.
Knows when to claw—
I can take it.
Knows when to beat a fool down—
I can respect it.
But you touch her,
we get domestic;
find a block party,
becomes crime scene infested.
That's who she is,
that's who I am,
and we dance the devil's dance
while all around writhe
in their own filth.
I stand in the Mist
A curse one would wonder
As she slides in slumber
I wish not Yogs rage
Cast upon the my mortal being	
#27     Yacht Party	#27     Yacht Party
H.B.
My mind was
ready for this day
My Princess and I
clean up well
ready to go
and ride the ocean swells
VIP all the way,
Sailboats skipping the foam
we arrived at the Yacht
and the beats were already pulsing
We get into our area
start riding the line
as the bass bellowed
through our bones
from one artist to another
slow we danced
then fast to the beat
exhausted in the end
could hardly stand
I carried her to the car
we ended the night with dinner
and my mind has been racing
since I saw her last
she is the reason I am
the reason I wake
the passion I put
in every verb i relate
I am a dreamer
and she is my dream
love, cherish
the crazy she brings
out in me	
#?     Lost to the Phoenix	#?     Lost to the Phoenix
H.B.
I find truth
When you are around
the hues you exude
bring me up
if I'm down
and I drown in your heat
a warm blanket in autumn
a cool breeze
and in those moments
I am solemn in the brevity
for which you break the silence i quell
I breath
full in
and release
humanity bereaved
in your passing to night
ready for the phoenix to rise
in the morning
and we start anew.	
#28     loves dance	#28     loves dance
H.B.
I am mistake prone
when she is near
why? when I know
she loves me
...I her
It's just that wonder
that could this be reality
paralyzes this man
in her wake
only,
released in her touch
The music stirs
together become one
motions makes intentions
flow in all dimensions
You, me, the floor
we sprawl
use each other as blankets
and in the morning
you wake to fresh ground coffee
on the stand next to your pillow
and me staring at
perfection	
#29     Dichotomy	#29     Dichotomy
H.B.
My day was filled with joy,
music enveloped the room;
everyone was dancing,
and I was consumed,
as the DJ plucked heartstrings,
making my knees
sync to a beat
that mirrored my soul.
I tuned out
all other noise.
I saw her true form,
neither complacent nor child,
but a ravenous beast
lusting for blood.
Her voice shifted,
he withered inside.
I, his protector,
stirred awake.
He escaped,
but I can't let it happen again.
The crowd swelled,
we danced as one,
our minds entwined
in a frenzy of emotion,
expressed only
through our movements,
until it shattered.
We left;
he received care,
and I returned,
crept back to the scene of pain,
hid among the writhing bodies.
I saw her, alone.
The crowd too dense,
I took refuge
on the bridge above,
waiting for the music to end.
I kept watch,
then faded away.
One moment, I was dancing;
the next, I was high above,
dressed in black,
surveying the venue.
No one.
Looking down, I saw them leaving,
a gap in time I couldn't perceive,
wondering what had happened
this time.	
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