The Super Scary Virus/transcript

This article is a transcript of the Click Hawk's SpongeBob SquarePants episode "The Super Scary Virus" from season 1, which aired on July 24, 2017.
* Squidward: Why do I have to camp with you guys again?
* SpongeBob: Because we're your friends and neighbor, Squidward!
* Squidward: Not interested.
* SpongeBob: Oh, right, you wanted that Super Awesome Ear Splitting Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Clarinet, right?
* Squidward: Oh my barnacles, you're right! I need that clarinet for the Clarinet Competition!
* Patrick: SpongeBob, what's a, what's a-uh, clarinet?
* SpongeBob: Patrick, a clarinet is an instrument!
* Patrick: Is mayonnaise an instrument?
* SpongeBob: *hesitantly* Uhmm... sure, I guess?
* Patrick: Cool, hahaha! Hey, can I touch this fire?
* SpongeBob: I don't think you sho-
* Squidward: *smirks* Go ahead Patrick, go ahead and put your hand in that burning clutter of infernal embers. Go ahead...
* Patrick: Haha, okay. Oh, wait a minute... AHHHHHHHH! AHHHH! IT BURNS! IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS!
* Squidward: Mmhmm, now that is pure comedy! Anyways, anyone wanna hear a 'spooky' story?
* SpongeBob: Ooh, spooky story? I love spooky stories! Spooky story, spooky story!
* Patrick: Yeah uh, is mayonnaise a spooky story?
* SpongeBob: Uhh, no Patrick. Anyways, why do you have a bunch of claw marks on your body?
* Patrick: I found this furry fish thing. His name was sea bear. His family is called sea bear. They're all sea bear. I want to be a sea bear.
* SpongeBob: Um, okay Patrick. Now Squidward, tell us that spooky story!
* Squidward: Okay then, Once upon a time, there was a facility called the "Super Scary Facility"...
* SpongeBob: Oh no! That sounds super scary!!
* Squidward: Yeah! And they were experimenting on a 'spooky' virus called the "Super Scary Viru"-
* SpongeBob: That sounds even scarier!
* Squidward: Okay SpongeBob, can you stop interrupting my story, please?!?
* SpongeBob: Sorry, Squidward. I just get excited whenever there's a spooky story!
* Squidward: Ugh, whatever. I'm getting that clarinet and I'm outta here. Anyways, [inaudible story]
* SpongeBob: Wow Squidward, that's pretty cool!
* Patrick: And scary! Brrrr...
* SpongeBob: I wanted to ask a question, Squidward.
* Squidward: What is it, SpongeBob?
* SpongeBob: Do they survive and beat the Super Scary Virus?
* Squidward: *sighs* No, Squidward.
* SpongeBob: Noooo! Ahhhh! 
* Squidward: Hah! Okay, that's enough spooky stories. Get to sleep everyone. I want to leave AS SOON AS POSSIBLE! [goes into his Moai-shaped tent]
* SpongeBob: *hesitantly* Umm... okay... Squidward... no problems... hehehe... [enters square-shaped tent slowly]
* Patrick: Mmm... humuhumunukunukuapua'as, yummy fish when eat raw... (it's real go search it), wait am I committing cannibalism in my dream? Whatever. [runs into an empty place, drags rock and sleeps under it]
* French Narrator (Frenchy): 20 minutes later...
* SpongeBob: Mmm... you got this SpongeBob. All you gotta do is sleep, and then happy dream time! Wait, if I sleep, I might have a nightmare, and then the Super Scary Virus might be there! I have to find Patrick... [goes under Patrick's rock] Hey Patrick... can I tell you how scary the Super Scary Virus is so I can sleep?
* Patrick: [in his dream; Mayonnaise, king-of-the-salmon, yummy fishes, yummy instrument...] Ugh, what is it SpongeBob?
* SpongeBob: Can I unpack my stress on you? I'm so scared!
* Patrick: Um... sure, why not?
* SpongeBob: Phew, I thought you were gonna say no there Patrick. Patrick, hey, are you sleeping? I haven't even started yet! Oh come on! Hmm... we gotta do something about this, SpongeBob! *grunts* Okay, I just bought a treadmill. Now all I have to do is walk... [sets foot on treadmill] and walk... and walk... *yawns*, I feel really sleepy right now... wait, no! I can't sleep! I'm gonna dream a nightmare! Oh, I got it! *grunts* Phew. I bought an automatic boxing machine that punches me every 3 seconds! Alright, let's go! *punch SFX* Ouch! I feel awake already! *punch SFX continues* Hmm... ow... huh... it feels like... a sleeping massage... mmm... I feel sleepy already... wait, wait, no, no! [SpongeBob is dragged into a hole attempting to climb out, but gets sucked in] Ouch... my head... what the... oh no... Bikini Bottom? It's ruled by zombies! I'm too late!
* Incidentals: *groan*
* SpongeBob: Oh no, I better find Squidward... [camera cuts to 122 Conch Street] [opens door] Hello? Squidward? You in here? [cacophonous sounds of clarinets play in the distance] Oh, I know that sound! That ear grating noise is Squidward playing! [goes into second floor] Squidward! My friend! [camera shows Squidward performing with 3 other fishes with their clarinets]
* Squidward: *stammers* SpongeBob! I don't like you! You are a loser! Aren't you supposed to be infected by now? Ugh... I feel infected too... guys... attack SpongeBo, whatever his name is! Ugh... kadorkadohuadkopwel, ugh... *nonsensical gibberish*
* SpongeBob: Oh no! I better get out of here!