MY SCHOOL RIOT/Transcript

*Eddie's Mom: Eddie!!! Wash your hands before you eat that Oreo!!
*Eddie: Aww Ma, do I have to?
*Eddie's Mom: Have to!? Get yo ass over here!
*Eddie: Man, I already touched it though.
*(Kid hiding behind tree laughs evilly, sneaks out, twists Oreo, and just when he is about to lick it, an arms touches him from behind, it was Tabbes.)
*Tabbes: What'cha doing?
*Kid: ME?
*Tabbes: Nope, nope, just casually putting my arm around a stranger, staring directly at him and talking to nobody. Yeah you! Were you gonna lick the cream off that kid's Oreo and replace it with your Spider-Man toothpaste? (kid nods) Pfft, that's hilarious! Let me help you with that. (WHAT ARE YOU-A CHILD?) I mean that's messed up. Shame on you, don't mess with anyone's food. See that dog over there? You don't want to mess with its food either, cuz it'll bite your hand off! Don't mess with that birdy's food, cuz if you do it'll shit all over your parents' car, and if you mess with my food, well then I'd turn your insides into outsides.... (evil grin then laugh) Heh, no I would never, at least over food. (snort) I'm sorry, I don't know what's up with me today. Must be in a joking mood or something. Anyways where was I going with this? OH RIGHT. Out of all the groups I just mentioned, you especially don't want to mess with highschoolers' food, cuz of that age they'll be like Kirby swallowing up all the grub since that's the phase when their bodies are growing and constantly demanding horse-sized fillings. Believe me when I say they won't hesitate friendships, if anyone tries to snatch a french fry from them. (Why did you...EAT MY FRIES?!?!) See I remember back in middle school, I used to eat a lot and I was this round chubby little thing, like give me a few 18-inch pizzas to eat in one sitting and I'd still be starving! Nowadays I kind of lost that insane appetite I used to have and get full pretty easily. So my high school used to let students leave the building during their lunch breaks as long as they came back before the period was over. Plenty of students were picky about the food they ate, so a lot of them ended up dipping that time. Believe me, most of these kids occasionally got their free lunches just to get a cookie, or an ice cream, and throw the rest of the meal in the trash. It was a pretty tragic sight, though I can't really blame them for wanting to eat someplace else. You really should have seen some of the stuff they served here. God I'm not even gonna get started on this! Moving on. If the students wanted some hot dogs they'd go to the street cart a block down from the school and order some. If they wanted some Arby's, KFC, Subway, or Chipotle, they'd be one step away from the school premises for all that glory. And if they wanted drugs- Ooh looking back now that's probably why the principal did that. It was one day out of the blue. No warning, no context, no explanation, our principal just announced on the speaker something along the lines of:
*Principal: Attention students, there will be a new change which will be effective as of today. Students will no longer be permitted to step outside of the building during lunch hours. Anyone who does not act accordingly will serve detention, thank you and have a good day. (silence, then everyone screams, REEEEEI)
*Tabbes: As if the school wasn't already prison enough. I expected this announcement to be blown off and forgotten. Boy I was wrong. Next day right after my Spanish class, the bell rang and the students got up to leave. I stepped out into the hallway, or at least I tried to, I realized the hallway was packed with kids that wouldn't even budge. What the hell is this?!? Why aren't you guys moving?! Move, ANDELE ANDELE!! (come on, come on) (sigh) You guys really like sharing that carbon dioxide huh? In the reality of the situation, nobody could hear anyone else cuz they were all yelling and hooting over each other. That's it, I'm going in! (holds her breath and jumps into the tsunami) After a minute or so we moved a whole inch forward. Whole inch forward! Wow, progress guys, progress. But the whole time I was wondering where the security guards were at. Students crowd surfing each other in the hallways wasn't unusual at all. My school was always packed so this was nothing out of the ordinary. I don't know what everyone was just standing around for. I was practically swimming in there. As I was getting closer to the center of the hallway, I started to hear students chanting and a faint sound from (SOMEONE WAS BLASTING MUSIC FROM THEIR SPEAKERS) Wiz Khalifa, da fuck? Oh damn, is there some cult shit going on!? I forgot exactly what they were chanting, but I remember for sure it was about that announcement yesterday. I popped my head out of there, looked up and I saw a water balloon coming towards my direction. Fortunately I didn't get hit but I still got splashed on the side of my face. I can see now that everyone was surrounding the principal, who was standing right in the middle of the hallway, trying to calm the students down. Of course no one was listening to him either. I looked up again and saw every school item you could imagine being thrown. Pencils, folders, pens, school lunches, bucket hats, you name it! A group of guys thought it'd be funny to throw their shoes at him. They threw their Conchords, Foamposites, and Tim's at the principal. Guys come on!! COME ON!!! Those are some expensive ass shoes right there!! You know someone was bound to steal those and resell them on Goat or eBay, but seriously that's some disrespect right there! One of the shoes actually ended up hitting him. Eventually he snapped and yelled:
*Principal: (deep yelling voice) EVERYONE STOP IT!! STOP IT RIGHT THIS INSTANT!!! WHOEVER KEEPS THIS UP WILL BE SUSPENDED AT THIS POINT!!!!
*Tabbes: Eventually the hallway cleared out with the security guards finally showing up towards the end of it, just in time to take the credit for everything. Pretty much every student was excused from lateness that day. The riots went on for three more days, until the principal called us all in to the auditorium and finally explained to us why the rules changed. Apparently it was a combination of reasons, such as reported drug activity, increased number of car accidents, ring fights in nearby parks, and injuries as a result of it. The school didn't want to be responsible for any students getting hurt during school hours so they figured this was one solution to decrease the number of incidents. There were no more riots after that. Though some kids were still low-key salty about the change. See princey, it wasn't so hard to tell us why you decided to suffocate us all into one cafeteria and replace outdoor fast-food with this stuff! Nah! He was actually a real chill guy. I'd say overall the decision was reasonable for its safety precautions! (outro)
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