Maid in Japan

The fourteenth chapter of Total Drama Tokyo, posted on May 30, 2012.
==Story==
"Last time on Total Drama Tokyo, our challenge was a not-so-epic rap battle contest. I don't remember who won. Maybe it was Julian... Oh, yeah, it was him. Isabel got out because it was revealed that she wasn't as stupid as she seemed... Wait, yeah, she was. But in a different way. Poor Isabel, now Layla has no friends except her and Charles. And also Roz's boyfriend, or whatever she wants to call it, showed up... But nobody really knew why or what he was doing. It was a weird day. Who will be out next? What will happen for the next challenge? Find out today!"
The scene changes to the boys' room.
"Hey, whatcha doing, Kai?" asks Puck curiously.
"I need some privacy," says Kai, covering up his laptop.
"Seriously, whatcha doing?" asks Puck. "I'm just trying to make conversation, dude."
"Is he looking up porn?" asks Julian, who is in bed.
"No, eww, gross," says Kai. "Why would I do that?"
"Well, judging by the fact that you won't let anyone see--" says Tolkien.
"Fine, fine," grumbles Kai.
He then shows all the other boys the laptop reluctantly. It is opened to a drawing tool, and a good drawing of Vivienne is on.
"D'awwwwww," says Puck cutely.
"Guys, she's my GF, and I have artistic license," grumbles Kai.
"Blah, blah, you don't see me drawin' pics of Estrella, do you?" asks Julian.
"You two aren't officially dating," says Tolkien.
"Yeah, whatever. I like to think we are," says Julian.
"In yo' dreams, boyeeee," says Puck.
"Now, guys, should we make a guys' alliance?" asks Kai, attempting to change the subject.
"Well, that would be cool. We could take out all th' chicks," says Puck. "Except Casey."
"Why are you so obsessed with Casey? You keep bringing her up," says Tolkien.
"You're one to talk, Mr. Ari-Ari-Ari," jokes Puck.
"But, seriously. We need to make an alliance," says Kai.
"The chicks outnumber us," says Julian. "We're toast."
"Yeah, but most of the chicks are stupid," says Puck. "Except Casey."
"STOP TALKING ABOUT CASEY!" yells Tolkien.
Puck walks into the bathroom, closes the door, and screams.
He then opens the door again, and Charles comes out, with only boxers on.
"I felt that I should start to socialize with the contestants of my gender," says Charles wisely.
"Get out," says Julian.
"Layla has kicked me out of her room," says Charles. "She has said she wants to be alone."
"All right, can you go upstairs or something?" asks Kai.
Charles reluctantly walks up the stairs.
The boys then resume their conversation.
"Well, that was awkward..." says Tolkien.
"Wanna play some L&L?" asks Julian.
Tolkien gleams. "Nothing could make me happier."
The two then walk up the stairs, leaving Kai and Puck alone.
"Sooooo..." says Kai.
"I'm gonna go brush my teeth," says Puck.
"Today is just awkward. Yesterday was weird, and today is awkward," says Kai.
"Every day is awkward for me!" croaks Puck.
The scene then changes to the girls' room.
Layla is lying in her bed, doing absolutely nothing.
"Where is Charlessssssssss..." she whines loudly.
"Layla, shut up. We're trying to do stuff," says Estrella.
"Like what?" snaps Layla.
"Ignore you. Right, girls?" asks Estrella snidely.
"Stop talking to me," says Casey. "I'm trying to do IMPORTANT stuff."
"What do you mean by important? Do you mean pathetically attempt to mimic Chelsey?" asks Estrella. "Because that isn't getting you far, honey."
"You know, you're probs just jealous," says Casey.
"Why would I be jealous? Nobody likes you," says Estrella.
"Nobody likes Layla, either," snaps Casey.
"Hey, people like me," says Layla.
"Then, explain why you're only getting one vote in the fan poll," snaps Estrella.
Ari and Roz are shown, upstairs.
The noise can be heard all the way upstairs. "Wow, they sure are arguin', right?" asks Roz.
"I suppose. They're all weird. I prefer to talk to you..." says Ari.
"Awww, that's sweet," Roz hugs Ari tightly. "So, how's Tolkien?"
Ari sighs. "Can we go one day without you asking me about Tolkien? I barely even see him..."
"Yeah, but I'm curious," says Roz sadly.
"I really don't wanna talk about him. It's awkward," says Ari. "Can't we talk about TV shows or something?"
"I don't own a TV," says Roz. "Sad, eh?"
"I don't watch TV except for some stuff..." says Ari.
"We need to talk," says Roz. "You're too awkward."
"What do you mean..." asks Ari.
Roz laughs. "I mean, you need to be more confident and stuff, hehe. Like meeeee."
Ari says in the confessional, "Oh, god, this won't end well..."
"So, here's the first thing. Your clothes are too girlish and kiddy. You need to show cleavage, and wear short-shorts, and curl your hair. Just go wild with your appearance," says Roz.
"..." says Ari.
"Come on, don't Peej on me. I'm just trying to help you, hehe," says Roz.
"Roz, can't we talk about normal stuff? Like, how's your life at home?" asks Ari.
"Nonexistent," says Roz. "I'm never at home, lolz."
"Do you have any siblings?" asks Ari.
"Yeah, a stupid brother named 'Eric'. Of course he gets a bland name, and my name is all exotic and whatnot," says Roz.
"What makes Eric stupid?" asks Ari.
"He's just boring. He's in college, nerdy, perfect, and everyone likes him and crap. I'm just th' little sister," says Roz glumly.
"And what about your parents, do they like him better or something?" asks Ari.
"No, no, they love me, and they don't care about him. I just think he's a stupid pie sack," says Roz.
"Well, then, why are you ranting about him..." wonders Ari.
"Because I like telling you about my emotions!" yells Roz.
"Hey, jeez, calm down..." says Ari.
"Sorry, boo," says Roz.
A loud megahorn is blown from outside, which everyone hears.
"Oop, time to go to th' challenge. Let's stick together, pumpkin," says Roz happily.
"Sure, whatever floats your boat," says Ari.
Chris is shown outside in the challenge area.
"Today's challenge is a traditional thingimajig in Tokyo. It's the maid cafe," says Chris excitedly.
"Chris, you said that in a weird tone. Are you sexually aroused by the maids?" asks Julian suspiciously.
"Who isn't? Pppprrrr," says Chris.
"That isn't Chris," says Tolkien. "Dolph, let me guess."
"Chris"'s body begins to shimmer, then changes shape into Dolph.
"You are correct, laddie," says Dolph. He pulls the real Chris, who is dazed, out of his pants, then disappears somehow.
"What the crap?" asks Chris. "He really needs to stop coming here... Anyway, the challenge is the maid cafe."
"What exactly is a maid cafe? Sounds sexy," says Puck.
"It's a fancy cafe, where the waitresses are dressed in maid outfits for the creepy otakus here, and they serve you in a house, instead of a restaurant," says Chris.
"Dafuq?" asks Kai.
"You guys have to play board games against the waitresses. This challenge was suggested by the famous Twinklefog, before the season even started," says Chris.
"Eww, I hate Twinklefog," says Layla. "Charles, delete everything related to him from my Web history."
Layla hands Charles her uPad. Charles gets to work deleting.
"Twink is a good guy," says Tolkien. "I think I saw him at the mall once."
"Cool story, bro," says Casey rudely.
Chris blows a whistle, and everyone calms down.
"Now, guys, get to your tables in the cafe, and sit down. The waitresses will be with you. The winner of the most board games wins the challenge," says Chris.
"But there's no cafe..." says Tolkien.
Chris points to the cafe that's suddenly right in front of them.
"That wasn't there five seconds ago," says Julian. "How does that happen?"
Chris completely ignores them. "GO!"
The kids race into the cafe and take their seats.
A maid walks up to Kai, who is seated.
"Whoa, fast service," says Kai. "What are we gonna do, lady?"
"Wareware wa bōdogēmu o purei shiyou to shite iru," says the woman.
"All right, can you speak English?" asks Kai.
The young maid shakes her head.
She then takes out a "Candy Land" board game. "Time to play."
"But you just said you couldn't speak English!" says Kai.
"Silly boy, I was kidding," giggles the maid.
"What's your name, anyway?" asks Kai.
"That is classified information! I can't give that to you!" yells the maid.
"Touchy," says Kai. "Let's just play."
The two begin to play Candy Land.
Tolkien is then shown sitting, playing his Wintendo SD.
A maid with an extremely short dress, and a prominent front side walks up to him.
"Homina homina homina," he drools.
The maid raises her brow in suspicion.
"Oh, never mind, I was just admiring your..." says Tolkien. "Hair."
Tolkien says in the confessional, "Maybe my pervy side is coming out... Nooo! Ari can't see!"
The maid sits down, and takes out what seems to be a Japanese board game with sushi-shaped playing pieces.
"How exactly do you play this?" asks Tolkien.
The woman says something indiscernible in Japanese.
Tolkien then grins. "I know a better game to play..."
"Hm?" asks the maid.
Tolkien reaches into his backpack, and takes out what he has of L&L. He unfolds the gaming board, the cards, and everything else.
"This is called Luncheons and Laggins," he says. "It's the best game ever."
The maid squeals happily, then says something else in Japanese.
Casey is then shown sitting at her table, looking extremely bored.
A woman who looks hairy, jowly and unattractive comes up to her.
"Hello. You Casey? You gonna play me in a board game?" asks the 'woman'.
"Sure..." says Casey. "You sure you're a chick?"
The 'woman' takes off her wig. "No, I am not a 'chick'. I am Suzuki Biggu Fatto Himan Gai Yoshihama."
Casey screams in horror, then runs to the restroom.
"Huh. I guess she does not like me," says Suzuki. "Sad, so sad."
Roz is shown playing poker with her maid.
"I don't understand this game," says the maid cluelessly.
"Yeah, yeah, just play, you're a boring maid," says Roz. "Why can't I get a cool guy?"
"I'm a cool guy," winks Suzuki.
"Yeah, no," says Roz. Suzuki walks away.
"UGH, you're so crappy at poker!" says Roz to her maid.
"I cannot help it! I'm sincerely sorry!" whimpers the maid.
"Wait, why am I complaining, I'm winning. Never mind, keep being crappy, hehe," says Roz.
The maid curses under her breath.
"Whoa there, Sally. You sure do know some slang English," says Roz.
"I use these words to express my feelings," says the woman.
Roz then glances at Puck, who's getting his picture taken with an extremely hot maid.
"Yeah, a little bit closer," says Puck.
Right as the picture is being taken, Casey runs out of the bathroom and photo-bombs the picture.
"Wow, thanks a ton, Casey," says Puck.
"Are you cheating on me?!" yells Casey. "You know I hate that."
"Chi-i-i-ill, bro. I didn't even know we were officially datin'," says Puck calmly.
"Ugh, Puck, you're so annoying... But hot," says Casey.
Casey begins to kiss Puck, right in front of the Japanese maid.
The maid says something in Japanese that is somewhat suggestive and rude.
Chris is then shown with Chef.
"How long until everyone is done?" yells Chef. "This is borin'."
"Chef, be patient," snaps Chris. "Remember, they're teenagers."
"I'm tellin' you, when I was a teenager..." says Chef.
"I don't want to hear any war stories," says Chris anxiously.
Tolkien excitedly runs up to Chris and Chef.
"Just beat my waitress in a little game," says Tolkien.
"What game? Did she pick?" asks Chris.
"Uh..." says Tolkien. "No..."
"Well, then, play this," Chef hands Tolkien a Japanese version of Maplopoly.
"Aww, but I hate Maplopoly," whines Tolkien.
Chris points to Tolkien's girl, and he mopes away.
The second he gets to the table, the maid beats him in the game somehow.
"Aww, noodles-in-a-bowl!" yells Tolkien.
"Bowl? Cups are better," whispers Roz.
"I enjoy bowls, okay?" asks Tolkien.
The scene then switches to about an hour later, when everyone is done.
"So, who managed to beat you the most, maids?" asks Chris to the maids.
The maids all point to Casey, who winks.
"Wow, even though you destroyed an otherwise awesome pic, you managed to kill in the challenge..." says Puck.
"So, Casey wins invincibility, and everyone else... Time to vote someone out," says Chris.
"Oh, crap," says Julian anxiously.
The boys are conversing in their room.
"So, which of the five chicks is the most expendable?" asks Kai.
"Well, there's Estrella, Ari, Roz, Layla, and Casey," says Julian. "I say Casey."
"NO!!!!!!!!!1111" yells Puck. "I won't let you vote Casey out. If you do, I'll vote you out."
"Dude, she treats you like crap, why do you like her?" asks Julian.
"I'm a determined lad," says Puck bravely.
"All right. We need to strategize. I think Estrella is the weakest link at the moment," says Tolkien.
"Eh, strategizing is for losers, I'm gonna take an ice cube bath," says Puck.
"Ice cube bath?" asks Kai curiously.
"Dump a bunch of ice cubes in a bathtub, then get in. Try it, dude. It's supah-fun," says Puck.
Kai walks into the bathroom, and sees a bunch of ice cubes in the bathtub, which are halfway melted. He suspiciously steps in, and then yelps.
"Augh, that's cold!" yells Kai.
"I told you, ha. But I'm cold-blooded, so I'm used to it," says Puck.
"Puck, are you all right? Like, in the head?" asks Julian.
"Yeah, I'm swell, guy," says Puck.
The scene switches to the elimination ceremony.
Kai is wrapped in a towel and shivering, while Puck is patting him on the back reassuringly.
"Le obligatory first piece of sushi goes to Casey," says Chris. He tosses Casey her sushi.
"Wanna give me a bite?" asks Puck. "No," snaps Casey.
"Layla, Kai, and Ari are also safe," says Chris.
The three get their sushi. Layla eats it obnoxiously in front of Charles.
"Puck, Roz, and Estrella," says Chris.
The three all get their sushi. Julian winks at Estrella.
"Julian and Tolkien. Both of you are, er, interesting competitors. The final piece of sushi goes to..."
"Julian."
Everyone gasps. "Whaaaaaaaaat?" asks Tolkien.
"Cue the super-cheesy romantic moment with Ari..." mutters Casey under her breath.
"Why me? Like, seriously. What did I do?" asks Tolkien.
"Everyone likes you," says Estrella, while reading. "You're a threat."
"Yeah, plus, you're annoying," snaps Layla.
"Well, you're one to talk," says Tolkien. "Anyway, goodbye, everyone. I thought I would win and whatever, but I did have a good run..." He approaches Ari.
Tolkien begins to sweat. "Ari, c-c-can I have a hug?"
"Nah," says Ari. She then walks away to Roz. "See you, Tolky."
Tolkien stands there, with his mouth wide. Julian man-hugs him, and says, "See you, bro."
He waves to everyone, then walks to the Vehicle, and gets in sadly.
"Whoa, that was the most dramatic one yet! Who will be out next? What sort of warped challenges will I think of? Find out on Total... Drama... Tokyo!"