LT Bloopers/Episode Guide/Transcript(Looney Tunes intro Bloopers 61)

Sam: Places, everyone!
Dave: People, everyone!
Sidney: Things, everyone!
Sam: Very funny, Sidney and Dave!
Sidney: Sorry, Sam.
Dave: Just a joke, Sam. Albeit a lame one.
Sam: I'll allow it. Roll camera! Cue the shield!
(The Warner Bros. Shield appears in the Looney Tunes rings, but the letters fly off of it and crash offscreen.)
Mike: Holy Schneikees! Did you see what I saw?
Mary: The letters flew right off the shield.
Anna: Are you all right, Sam?
(The letters have landed on Sam.)
Sam: (dazed) Radar Overseer Scotty...come here...
Scotty: Microsoft Sam! What the hell happened to you?
Sam: (dazed) Get these fucking letters off of me, you asswipe...!
Jimmy: The letters knocked Sam down?
Hank: What's that shield made of anyway?
Guy: Must be a Teflon shield.
Sam: (dazed) Teflon shield my ass...!
Dave: Keep cool, Sam! We'll get the letters off of you in a jiffy.
Beulah: Flying letters?
Abby: I'd call it air mail! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
(The letters were pulled off of Sam.)
Sam: Thanks, Dave.
Dave: My pleasure, Sam.
Sam: (turns to Scotty, angrily) And as for you, Scotty, you know what this means?
Scotty: No raise this year?
Sam: YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU'RE FIRED!!!
Scotty: Fired?...FIRED!?
Dave: Here we go again.
Sam: (grabs Scotty) That's right, fired! And this time, it's gonna be permanent!
Scotty: Put me down!
Beulah: You heard him, Sam! Put him down!
Sam: I'll put Scotty down all right! Out you go!
(Sam throws Scotty out of the studio.)
(The WB Shield appears, but the caption reads "Wiffle Ball Pictures Inc. Presents".)
Beulah: (angrily) Microsoft Sam, you bring Scotty back here right now!
Sam: Never! And that's final! And if I see you near him again, I'll kill the both of you! Understand?!
Dave: (angrily) You can't do that, Sam! That's MURDER!
Sam: Not if I invoke the Castle Doctrine first!
Dave: There'll be no evidence of self-defense, Sam, so don't even think about trying it, capeesh?
Sam: Sheesh!
Dave: Shush the sheesh!
(The WB Shield appears, but the caption reads "Writer's Block Pictures Inc. Presents".)
LH Michael: Writer's Block?
LH Michelle: Is that what a novelist plays with when he's trying to think of a storyline?
(The WB Shield appears, but the caption reads "Weak Back Pictures Inc. Presents".)
Dave: I just got off the phone with ROFL City Hospital.
Jimmy: What did they say, Dave?
Dave: Scotty's recovering from the injuries he sustained when Sam threw him out.
Hank: When will he be out?
Dave: He'll need another two or three days because of a weak back.
Guy: A weak back?
Sidney: I have a cousin who suffers from a weak back.
Abby: Oh really? When did he get it?
Sidney: About a week back.
(The WB Shield appears, but the caption reads "Wedding Bells Pictures Inc. Presents".)
Beulah: When Scotty recovers, I can't wait for wedding bells to ring for us.
Sam: Forget it, Beulah. That'll never happen as long as I'm in charge of the studio.
Dave: Oh yes it will, Sam. I'm in charge here, capeesh?
Sam: Sheesh!
Dave: And shush the sheesh!
Sam: Take it easy, Sam. Remain. Calm. Uh-oh! Tantrum in 5...4...3...2...1...NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP! DAVEMADSON, I'VE HAD IT WITH YOU SAYING "SHUSH THE SHEESH" EVERY TIME SOMEONE SAYS "SHEESH"! I'M HAVING THE SHUSH THE SHEESH FOUNDATION SHUT DOWN AND YOU'RE GOING TO JAIL FOR IT, YOU HEAR ME? YOU'RE A JAILBIRD JAILBIRD JAILBIRD JAILBIRD JAILBIRD JAILBIRD JAILBIRD JAILBIRD!!! (BOOM!!)
(The WB Shield appears, but the caption reads "Waste Basket Pictures Inc. Presents".)
Scotty: (reappears) It's great to be back from the hospital.
Beulah: (happily) Scotty! Back so soon?
Scotty: Yeah, Beulah. My back is better thanks to acupuncture.
Sam: (angrily) RADAR OVERSEER SCOTTY! WHAT PART OF "YOU'RE FIRED" DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?! GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE I CALL THE COPS!
Dave: Pipe down, Sam! I told Mr. Warner about what you did, and he had me re-hire Scotty.
Mr. Warner: (on intercom) That's right. And if you refused Scotty re-entry, I have personally nailed you to the WB Shield.
Sam: A fate worse than death, Mr. Warner, but the Shush the Sheesh Foundation is still shutting down for violation of free speech!
Dave: And if that happens, I'm shutting down the Sheesh Alliance on the same premise!
Mr. Warner: (on intercom) Correct, Dave. If free speech permits one the right to say "sheesh", then one should also have the right to say "shush the sheesh" if he or she feels annoyed.
(The WB Shield appears, but the caption reads "Wicked Beast Pictures Inc. Presents".)
Sam: (angrily) This is an outrage! I oughta send the Devil and She-Devil after you!
Dave: Just try it!
(The Devil and She-Devil appear.)
Beulah: (shocked) Oh noes! Not the Devil and She-Devil again!
Abby: (shocked) Save us, Jesus!
Devil: Don't say that name in front of us!
She-Devil: You know it makes our tails grow limp!
Dave: Well well well, the Devil and She-Devil invade my video just to stir up trouble again.
Devil: Flattery, flattery, flattery!
She-Devil: It always make me fonder of you every day, Dave.
Dave: Welly welly welly, Microsoft Sam sends Mr. and Mrs. Mephistopheles after me just because I threatened to shut down the Sheesh Alliance if he shuts down the Shush the Sheesh Foundation.
Sam: With good reason. You can't have an organization that violates the right to free speech.
Mr. Warner: (on intercom) Just as you can't have an organization that prevents people from telling you to shut up when you annoy them.
Dave: Wellity, wellity, wellity--
Sam: SHUT UP, DAVE!!
Devil: You tell him, Microsoft Sam!
Dave: You can't have the right to say "sheesh" and not let others have the right to say "shush the sheesh" if they're annoyed! That's hypocrisy!
She-Devil: One of our greatest talents, spreading hypocrisy.
Dave: I've got a good mind to tell God and the Angel on you.
She-Devil: (grabs Dave) Hold it right there, davemadson! I have some unfinished business to take care of with you!
God: (appears) What's going on here?
Angel: (appears) Are these infernal imps bothering you again?
Devil: Don't you interfere with us again! Ever!
She-Devil: Make another move and we shit all over davemadson and his friends!
God: Do that in My Presence and you'll feel My Wrath!
Devil: Scandalous! (pulls his pants down) Shall we let them have it?
She-Devil: (pulls her shorts down) Let's do it! Bombs away!
("CENSORED!" appears over the Looney Tunes rings.)
Devil and She-Devil: (PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP!)
Sam: (covered in poop) Gugh! Not again! Eeeewww! Eeeeewww! (throws up) BLURGHURGHURGHURGHURGHURGHURGHURGH!
Mike: (covered in poop) Dump your waste elsewhere! Eeeewww! Eeeeewww! (throws up) BLURGHURGHURGHURGHURGHURGHURGHURGH!
Mary: (covered in poop) You're the sickest of all! Eeeewww! Eeeeewww! (throws up) BLURGHURGHURGHURGHURGHURGHURGHURGH!
Anna: (covered in poop) How dare you! Eeeewww! Eeeeewww! (throws up) BLURGHURGHURGHURGHURGHURGHURGHURGH!
Dave: (covered in poop) Somebody get a pooper scooper! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewww! (throws up) BLURGHURGHURGHURGHURGHURGHURGHURGH!
Angel: That sickening display is disgusting and repulsive!
God: How dare you relieve yourselves in My Presence! Take that!
(God zaps the Devil and She-Devil.)
(GIGANTIC EXPLOSION!!)
(They both fall into the Looney Tunes rings and crash.)
Devil: (dazed) Curses! Foiled again! Why can't we win just once?
She-Devil: (dazed) If only I can have davemadson for myself, and for real! Oh, my aching sphincter! Ow!
Angel: You're all cleaned up now and you may resume your video.
Dave: Thank God!
God: You're welcome.
Devil: (dazed) Oh sphincter!
(The WB Shield appears, but the caption reads "Wounded Birds Pictures Inc. Presents".)
LH Michael: Wounded Birds?
LH Michelle: Just like the Devil and She-Devil after God dispatched them from here.
Scotty: Uh-oh! Methinks I goofed again.
Jimmy: Youthinks right, Scotty.
Hank: I guess we should try again.
Sam: You took the words right out of my mouth, Hank.
Guy: At least we've gotten the shield right every time.
Sidney: With a W as in Wisenheimer and a B as in Blockhead, right?
Sam: Right.
(The WB Shield appears, but the caption reads "Wisenheimer Blockhead Pictures Inc. Presents".)
Dave: "Wisenheimer Blockhead"? Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
Sam: (angrily) ASSWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPES!!!
Mr. Warner: (on intercom) Don't give them any ideas, Sam, or I'll nail you to the WB Shield again!
(The WB Shield appears, and the caption reads as normal, saying "Warner Bros. Pictures Inc. Presents". Suddenly, the Looney Tunes theme breaks down as usual and the shield explodes. The set is now destroyed.)
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!
Scotty: SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!!
Dave: (angrily, shouting) SHUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!!!
Mr. Warner: (on intercom) MICROSOFT SAM! Report to my office RIGHT NOW!!
Sam: Sheesh!
(Sam is later shown in Mr. Warner's office, impaled on the WB Shield.)
Sam: (dazed) My mother told me there'd be days like this.
Anna: There there, Sam. We'll get you down from the shield soon.
Sam: (dazed) I promise not to harass Scotty again.
Dave: And as soon as we get Sam down, let's all go out to dinner.
Scotty: Where are we eating, Dave?
Dave: Where else?
(Cut back to the Looney Tunes rings)
Dave: (echoes) Chez Monyou!
Scotty: Oh cancer!
Category:Transcripts