Childhood Won’t Last

We used to do Take Your Kid to Work days back at my office, where me and several other parents took our lil rugrats to our workplace to wow them. Then we would let them watch cartoons within the lounge area as we did the usual busy work. I miss those days, but even those don’t last when people decide to ruin the whole experience for everyone. The reason for my office not having TYKtW days anymore? Gary Marshal. Gary Marshal was the office supervisor.. and a helluva prick just to BE around of. Not only was he a genuine asshole, but also misogynistic towards any woman who entered the office. Targeting ME in particular with his lewd hand gestures and sexual harassment. I knew it was a fucking mistake not speaking up before this all occurred.
Before the incident occurred, Gary was gone for a long while. Having a new supervisor be in his stead. He was.. alright, but not really important to the whole thing I’m about to discuss. Those past few days were to be completely honest.. the most relieving days I’ve had in a while, not having to deal with Gary Marshal’s bullshit. It felt like heaven actually getting my work done and going home to see my beautiful angel and my husband afterward. It was breathtaking how much freetime I finally had thanks to Gary being gone. Knowing the TYKtW Day was right around the corner, I decided to take my Husbands along with me to introduce to the workload I do to support the little family I had. They were ecstatic.
Gary was there on Take Your Kid to Work day annoyingly enough, but nothing could’ve prepared me for the fucking curveball that was aimed diRECTLY for my daughter, my husband and I when this incident occurred. I was taking a break when I decided to watch the little cartoons the kids were watching, and apparently GARY had a little thing to show aswell. It was a Spongebob Episode he himself had created to teach kids about growing up. It seemed.. oddly enough, too normal for the likes of him. Either for appearance or for the general aura. I felt skeptical but hey, I was curious to know what he made.
God damn prick got me too fucking good.
It started off with the intro, it being covered by Gary himself. To be completely honest, he was a really good singer. It was actually kinda spot on, but enough of that. The intro shifted into the titlecard, that being called “Growing Up”. It shifting to the text that appears afterward, and to the actual episode which I wanna talk about. It started with Spongebob immediately at the Krusty Krab, it being dry with the amount of customers inside it. Squidward was absent from the episode while Spongebob is flipping patties in the back. Looking uncharacteristically tired. It spent a good 10 seconds just showing a tired.. and almost statue like SpongeBob, as he flipped patties with this blank look on his face, him having his eyes blink one at a time.
Krabs suddenly entered the room, him looking intensely angry. His teeth gritted and his eyes bloodshot. An exchange happened, it being almost overstimulating even for me. And very uncomfortable to sit through. Gary also included them swearing with the dolphin noises being the bleeps, which it slightly less uncomfy to sit through.
K: “Spongebob, we-..We need to talk about your attitude towards the kids-“
SP: “Ugh, why??”
K: “Recently, your language to the children has been.. much. Like very harsh.”
SP: “Oh boo FRIGGIN hoo they don’t like my words! Words can’t hurt anybody!”
K: “Spongebob you need to clean up your act me boy, i-it’s starting to affect the customers-“
SP: “OH F___ THE CUSTOMERS! They just show up, eat our slop, pay US, and get the f___ out to repeat the godd___ed cycle ALL OVER AGAIN!-“
K: “Hey! Watch that language! What the hell HAPPENED to you boy!?-“
SP: “LISTEN HERE, KRABS. If you expect me to ‘cLeAn Up My AcT’, then you’re better off firing ME and losing what made your SLOPFEST special!-“
K: “THE ONLY REASON I HAVE YOU AROUND IS THAT I CARE FOR YOU!-“
SP: “OH YEAH YEAH-RIGHT! WHAT ABOUT SQUIDWARD?”
K: “SPONGEBOB HE SAID HE WAS SICK AND WON’T BE BACK IN THREE MORE DAYS! YOU KNEW THIS-“
SP: “THEN WHAT IF IT TURNS INTO A WEEK? A MONTH? A WHOLE F___ING YEAR BEFORE HE COMES BACK TO SIT THERE IN HIS OWN DEPRESSING GRUEL LIKE A D___ED PIG!?-“
K: “OKEY LISTEN HERE YOU LITTLE SH__-“
SP: “NO-YOU LISTEN TO ME! I’M THE VERY THING THAT STARTED THIS STUPID A__ COMPANY! IF YOU DO NOT LIKE MY LANGUAGE, YOU CAN MIGHT AS WELL THROW ME OUT ONTO THE GODD___ STREETS!”
K: “WELL THEN FINE! GET OUT! GET THE F___ OUT! NOW! IF THATS WHAT YOU WANT, THEN GET THE F___ OUT OF MY D___ RESTAURANT!”
SP: “..Fffine.”
This felt.. almost too out of character, it almost looking like a cry for help. From GARY no less. Spongebob was packing his stuff as Krabs angrily entered his office, and as Spongebob left, I swear I could hear bickering from the customers. We were then treated to a 40 second long montage of Spongebob just.. walking.. then applying.. then going to a different job to work at, this time being an office job. This is when I connected the dots.. this is just Gary’s life in a Spongebob Video. This was literally Gary’s life translated into a video he made. I wanted to know what happened next, I needed to. Spongebob was within an interview at the time I stopped thinking about the connections between this and Gary, and this was incredibly boring to watch. I swear to god I blocked most of the dialogue out of my memory from how much of a nothing burger it was. Later on, it showed Spongebob immediately working in an office chair. Doing paperwork in a very unsettlingly repetitive manner, dull lights shining on him as they blinked. The sounds of keyboards clacking and phones ringing.
It was then that the video went from uncomfortable to straight up terrifying.
As the repetition went on, the more the area decayed and more horrific things started to be. As Spongebob began to age. Horrifyingly fast, as his ‘bones’ began to become visible the more as his skin shrank around them like latex, his eyes slowly becoming more faded and glossy as they slowly rolled back into his head. His mouth becoming more disgustingly dry with his teeth falling out of water droplets, an endless surmount of teeth pouring out. But the most terrifying thing about it was the now horrifying speed of his fingers, as his movement became faster and faster as high pitched screeching began to play. The kids started to cry as they saw Spongebob become this twisted shell of his former self.. but what made me cry wasn’t the fact that Spongebob was essentially rotting. No no no, it was what was happening around him.
Fish began to cry in their chairs, as their bodies were also rotting.. but to a MUCH more gorier degree. Some fish falling over and rotting into nothing but rotted gore and skeleton. Along with this, visuals began to flash on screen. Visuals that were edited to seem almost unnoticeable to the kids, but what I saw was BURNED into my fucking brain.
Gary, edited actual suicides, into the fucking film.
THIS MOTHERFUCKER, PUT UNCENSORED SUICIDE CLIPS, IN THE FUCKING ANIMATION.
I was both horrified, disgusted, and LIVID by this point, who in their right mind would fucking DO this!? Shortly after the fucking nightmare sequence that came before, it cut to just black. Then faded to show another decrepit looking SpongeBob, this one having no eyes and instead just two voids. Along with this, he had sharp ass teeth and a blue propeller hat. He overall looked blander. Which added to the unsettling nature. Then text appeared, which made me uncontrollably angry.
”Your childhood won’t be forever, so better shut up and grow up. Or this. Will happen. To YOU”
At this point I just saw red, as walked out of the Lounge, looked directly at Gary.. and started to fucking SCREAM at him for fucking ruining my child, the child I love and adore now having her fucking world view shattered all thanks to this rotten bastard of a man being the snarkiest piece of dogshit to ever be in the very planet where I LIVE ON. I was going off on this motherfucker, at that point I’m pretty sure I don’t even remember what I said to him. But Gary had a comeback. And this.. this was what he said.
”Oh, silly little Carol. Not appreciating the little things in life that can be just.. popped, like a damn bubble. It was almost COMICAL seeing you realize what you’re watching, pitiful breeding machines like you don’t even underSTAND what you’re watching half of the time! Shit like this makes my day, so I decided to go after YOUR spawn next. Because think of it! Their childhood isn’t gonna last forever! So I had to.. speed up that process. Kids love SpongeBob right? There are no better people like you I can pick on. You were just.. like.. the others.”
At the point he was talking my husband walked, and listened to that entire thing and fucking LUNGED at him. As he started to beat the hell out of the man I hated for so goddamn long it almost felt.. relieving the see what he deserved, still made me cringe as I heard his cries of pain. Afterall, he was still human but.. what else was there? After my husband was done beating his ass me and my family exited the building, taking vacation days I specifically planned out to just.. think. Luckily my daughter probably blocked all that stuff out of her memory but I.. I’m still traumatized by that fan episode, seeing men either hanging themselves or shooting their brains out with shotguns mixed with animated people slumping over and dying really fucks you up. But, either way. This stroy ended up being bittersweet with Gary going broke and THEN getting fired. I guess it does go to show that..
Maybe, you should speak up before anything gets worse than it is now.
Category:SpongeBob SquarePants
Category:SpongeBob
Category:Fan-Episodes