Monkey Wretch vs. Queen Watevra Wa'Nabi vs. Viper

<Previous Battle	Next Battle>
Wyldstyle: Amset-Ra!
Dr. Inferno: It's no use. Whenever he's blasting the top 50 Ninjago Island hit list, he can't hear you scream.
Wyldstyle: Does one of the songs include Gold Brick Productions' "Weekend Whip"?
Dr. Inferno: Oh yeah! That's a great song!
Wyldstyle: Hold on.
She opens the door and approaches Amset-Ra.
Wyldstyle: EXCUSE ME, MR. RA!
Amset-Ra removes his earbuds.
Wyldstyle: We have a visitor for you, Amset-Ra. A very important visitor.
Amset-Ra: Not the tax audit guy again...
Wyldstyle: Nope, it's foreign royalty.
Amset-Ra: Big deal.
Dr. Inferno: You have no idea...
Queen Watevra Wana'Bi enters the room.
Amset-Ra: Queen Whatever-I-Wanna-Be?
Queen Watevra: It's Watevra Wa'Nabi. There's a big difference.
Amset-Ra: Gotcha. Hey, aren't you the shapeshifting queen from the Systar System?
Queen Watevra: Yep, that would be me. I could be a unicorn...
Vorp!
Queen Watevra: ...or a bicycle...
Vorp!
Queen Watevra: Or even Ogel's suitcase that Jack Fury constantly talks to!
Vorp!
Amset-Ra: Eh, I like your normal form better.
Queen Watevra: What normal form? I don;t have one. I like being me! Whatever I wanna be!
Amset-Ra: Dude, that is so not evil! I'm starting to like you already.
Dr. Inferno: Oh, we're shipping now?
Amset-Ra: Oh no, no. We're just becoming friends. Anyway, you've been nominated to fight today.
Queen Watevra: Which is why I'm here. Oh by the way, I caught sight of a certain vengeful hexapedal lawyer who wants to see you.
Amset-Ra: Oh, that's Queen Hydrothermal. She just wants to tell me that one queen is enough around here, and to stay away from her mothership.
Queen Hypogirtis enters.
Alien Queen: How did you know what I was going to say?
Amset-Ra: Terabyte hacked this battle and told me.
Alien Queen: I will PERSONALLY prosecute that geek and make a buck off of selling his dated tech.
Amset-Ra: You would prosecute a Pyramid Staff member? I'll tell you they all have lawyer insurance.
The Alien Queen puts an Uno Skip card on Amset-Ra's desk and strides out, her head held high.
Wyldstyle: ...What was that all about...?
Queen Watevra: Does this normally happen around here?
Amset-Ra: Yeah, it's pretty normal. You get used to it after a little while, though.
Queen Watevra: Oh, okay. Guess I'll head to the locker room, then.
Wyldstyle: Welcome to Amset-Ra's Fighting Pyramid, where we're in the process of getting a makeover Amset-Ra never approved of! You might have noticed all these Black Hole Gang posters and stuff all over the place. Frenzy, the culprit, insists it's for the tenth anniversary of Space Police III!
Space Police Officer: Hey, how come we don't get represented?
Amset-Ra: Mostly because you're my mortal enemies.
Space Police Officer: ARREST THIS MAN.
Amset-Ra: Eject him!
Boing!
Space Police Officer: You'll regret this!...
Ding!
Amset-Ra: I think not. Carry on.
Wyldstyle: Okay, we're gonna have someone else introduce the fighters today! Give it up for Brick Daddy!
A disco ball descends from directly above the arena, with Brick Daddy riding it. But that was just an illusion. An even realer disco with an even realer Frenzy in an uber-real white tuxedo, top hat, and tails (all real) descends from the ceiling.
Frenzy: HOW IS EVERYONE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
SQUEAL
Amset-Ra: Microphone feedback in Permanent Marker font. Way to go.
Wyldstyle: Oh, Frenzy's doing it today? I thought it was Brick Daddy. And why was he an illusion?
Amset-Ra: Oh, just Frenzy fiddling with the illusion machine again.
Wyldstyle: ...We have one of those?!
Amset-Ra: Yeah. How else is Frenzy rocking that tux?
Wyldstyle: That's an illusion? 'Cause he looks great in it!
Amset-Ra: Now I'm questioning why we even have an illusion machine. Anyway, carry on.
Wyldstyle: Right! Frenzy, you get to announce the fighters today!
Frenzy: YAASS!!! First time since Electrolyzer vs. Rancor vs. Pohatu vs. Craniac!!!!!!
Dr. Inferno: Did he just speak a link?
Amset-Ra: Happens all the time.
Dr. Inferno: I gotta head back to the lab and hack my own voice so I can link stuff!
Amset-Ra: That's what blogs are for!
But Dr. Inferno is already gone.
Frenzy: In the GREEN Corner is Monkey Wretch, a monkey I so want to keep as a pet!
Monkey Wretch: Eek eek!
Amset-Ra: No you don't, Frenzy.
Frenzy: But I still want to! He's CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Amset-Ra: ...Were you even here last week?
Frenzy: Yeah! But... what's your POINT?!?!?!?!?!?!
Amset-Ra: Frenzy... he's a creepypasta.
Frenzy: Did you say PASTA?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Now I've got a new recipe idea for Cooking with a Crazy CROOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Audience: WE SHELLED OUT FIFTY BUCKS APIECE FOR THIS?!
Amset-Ra: Sorry, audience! Carry on, Frenzy.
Frenzy: And in the YELLOW Corner is Queen "I'm not gonna pronounce her name"!
Amset-Ra: One: it's "Watevra Wa'Nabi". Two: You used green coloring for the Yellow Corner.
Frenzy: Oops! I just forgot to change colors! And last and least, in the BLUE Corner, someone from Dino Attack!
Viper: ...The queen's not gonna say anything?
Queen Watevra: This pyramid really is an interesting place...
Wyldstyle: I know, right? Sometimes things can get really crazy here, l-ke *h&t 0n3 t1mE w n 063 8q3 djew j .............
???: ......... 110? ....... I5 t415 T41N6 On? Okay, we're good. Ahem! This is General Sweet Mayhem of the Systar System with an urgent message to Amset-Ra's Fighting Pyramid. If you don't nominate me for the next match, I will expose all of queen Wa'Nabi's secrets and otherwise cut ties with her. Having tuned in to your battles every week, she has expressed a desire to visit the pyramid. However, her obsession has made me JEALOUS. Therefore, in order to remain her number one girl, I want to fight there too. Make arrangements... or else.
The message ends.
Wyldstyle: Uh... Anyone else get that?
Queen Watevra: Don't mind her. She may be my second-in-command, but she sure doesn't act like it. Sweet may be in her name, but she's anything but.
Amset-Ra: Ah. Okay. So, uh, is Tee-Vee reffing today?
Priest of the Tee-Vee: You arrogant pharaoh, where is your humility?
Amset-Ra: Don't need it. I've never been the formal type.
Priest of the Tee-Vee: I can tell.
Amset-Ra: All right, Tee-Vee, go ahead and predict.
Priest of the Tee-Vee: You just said he's going to be the referee.
Amset-Ra: But I think he should predict. I'll ref today.
Tee-Vee: Prediction loading... Please wait... Do not eject card... Scanning for updates... New DLC pack found. Install Installing... Jovial Jet Engine updated to version 1.5.3.4. Loading prediction.dll. Uploading plan_to_beat_t-series.exe... prediction.dll loaded. Outcome: Queen Watevra Wa'Nabi.
Amset-Ra: All that just to predict?
Priest of the Tee-Vee: You are ahead of your time, and yet you have no faith in technology.
Wyldstyle: He's got a point.
Priest of the Tee-Vee: What she said.
Amset-Ra: Fighters ready?
Monkey Wretch: Eek eek!
Viper: Haste makes awesomeness.
Emmet: Wooooo! GO VIPER!
Queen Watevra: Emmet is a regular attender here? There is a lot of this place I'd like to learn about.
Amset-Ra: And a lot that you probably shouldn't know about, like the fact that we feed agents to dinos, and Viper is a dino hunter, which means he is against our cause.
Queen Watevra: Oh, okay. But I still like this place. It is SO NOT EVIL, wouldn't you agree?
Amset-Ra: Of course I do. It was never evil to begin with.
Book of Monsters: MAKE MORE MONSTERS!
Jestro: Okay, okay!
Book of Monsters: But it's gonna cost ya.
Jestro: Listen, my credit card is my credit card. I'm not paying a cent.
Book of Monsters: I can fire you just like that. Get it? Fire?
Jestro: That's not funny!
Book of Monsters: That's ironic, coming from a jester.
Amset-Ra: See? Totally not evil.
Queen Watevra: That's so not me.
Amset-Ra: Thought so. FIGHT!
Viper: You know, I can actually build myself a few things for combat.
CLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICK
Queen Watevra: Anything you can build, I can BE!
Viper: How about my guest?
Queen Watevra: I don't accept flirting from commoners.
Monkey Wretch: Eek eek!
Queen Watevra: Even for a pirate monkey mechanic who's also a "creepypasta", you too don't match my so-not-evilness!
Wyldstyle: SUSPICION INTENSIFIES
Viper: So... not... evil? Then this means-
Vorp!
Queen Watevra: Exactly what it says on the tin, hon.
Wyldstyle: Watevra opens the match by turning into a tulip! What does she have in mind?
Queen Watevra: TULIP stands for Time's Up! Let's Incinerate Peasants!
FWOOOOOOMMM!!
Viper: Yeeowch! Hothothothothot!
Monkey Wretch: Eek eek eek!
CLANG!
Queen Watevra: Ouch! Fortunately, I can just change to suit my needs.
Vorp!
Wyldstyle: After Watevra scorched Viper in her flower form, she was hit my Monkey Wretch's... er... monkey wrench. Now she changed into a tank!
Viper: Please, just a pointer. Don't burn me while I'm building stuff.
Queen Watevra: But this is a battle. I am sure the rules state that you can attack others while they're building. I've seen it done before.
Amset-Ra: I usually don't really abide by the rules. Besides, LEGO Dimensions gave me the permission to break 'em.
Batman: Rulebreaker...
Amset-Ra: Please, that is so Season 1.
Viper: Done! This is the Fire Hammer I was packaged with, even though the set description said it was Specs instead.
Monkey Wretch: EEK!
Tee-Vee: Translation: "You are a geek, aren't you."
Amset-Ra: All that in one eek?
Queen Watevra: I'm a tank now, so here's TANKS for the memories!
KABOOM!
Viper: Gross! What did you just shoot all over my windshield?
Queen Watevra: An octopus.
Viper: Oh, okay. But still, GET IT OFF! Wait a minute.
Wipe wipe wipe
Wyldstyle: Viper's Fire Hammer wiped the octopus off the windshield. Oh, and Frenzy just snatched it and is making off with it!
Frenzy: New recipe idea! Squid CASSEROLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He runs into a Space Police officer.
Space Police Officer: It's octopus, and you're under arrest for illegally stealing seafood.
Frenzy: You mean I can LEGALLY steal it?
Space Police Officer: Yes. All you have to do is hand over some money.
Frenzy: Did you hear that, everyone?! I can STEAL!!!!!!!!!!!!! And get away with it!
Captain Brickbeard: That's wonderful. *sarcasm*
Amset-Ra: That's how the economy works, ya know.
Viper: If I can't really see on account of the slime all over my windshield, I'm going to just shoot my Xenon Blaster everywhere!
Queen Watevra: Go ahead!
Vorp!
Queen Watevra: I dare you!
Wyldstyle: Now she's morphed into a butterfly!
Frenzy: Did you say BUTTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Queen Watevra: Is he for real?
Wyldstyle: I wish he wasn't. But hey, at least my hair is insured.
Amset-Ra: Who insured it?
Wyldstyle: Geico. Not really, it was Dollar Bill's Ripoff Insurance Company. It cost me a ton, but boy, does it protect my hair.
Amset-Ra: Ripoff?
Wyldstyle: Hence the underhanded relief of my wallet. But it was worth it in the end!
Viper: While you were talking, I just built a force field around my vehicle!
Queen Watevra: Wonderful. Doesn't do anything to get Monkey Wretch to stop shooting peas at me! Wait, did you say you built energy?
Viper: Yeah. Is that a problem?
Queen Watevra: You can't build energy. You know that, right?
KA-RAAAAAAASH!
???: Someone order a Mystery Machine?
Amset: Wha-? Oh, you guys again?
Fred, Velma, Daphne, Shaggy, and Scooby emerge from the Mystery Machine that had plowed through the wall.
Amset-Ra: Keep fighting! I'll deal with this!
The sounds of bullets buffeting the force field can be heard As Amset-Ra makes his way over to the vehicle.
Amset-Ra: What are you doing back here?
Daphne: Revenge. You don't let Scooby advance to the next round, we don't let Monkey Wretch become the next running joke.
Amset-Ra: That match is still burning through your memory?
Daphne: It keeps me up at night, Mr. Ra. Now if you don't let Scooby win against the Weeping Angel...
Shaggy's eyes glow a sinister red in spite of his laid-back demeanor.
Amset-Ra: Oh... the meme...
Fred: Daphne's a bright girl, and you know how impatient she can be...
Velma: Just confirm that you can let poor Scooby win, pretty please?
Scooby-Doo: *puppy eyes*
Amset-Ra: ARFP rule number 27 states that no underhanded guilt or bribery is allowed here from outsiders. So no can do.
Daphne: He's Shaggy's dog! Aren't you afraid of what Shaggy can do?!
Shaggy: Like, I can totally beat you using only .00001% of my power!
Amset-Ra: Well, I can beat you without Corona-ing you!
Shaggy: Huh?
Fred: Well, that's a lame retort if I ever heard one!
Amset-Ra: You mean you've never heard a lame retort before?
Suddenly there is an explosion. One of the Fire Hammer's tires rolls past them.
Amset-Ra: Hey, could you keep it down? We're trying to have a grown-up conversation over here.
Viper falls among them.
Viper: A little help?
Tee-Vee: Viper:Eliminated.
Amset-Ra: Nope. You're good and out.
Viper: But I wanted to win...
Daphne: SEE?! This is what poor Scooby has to go through! Aren't you haunted at night because he can't fight in the next round?!
Amset-Ra: You're distracting the readers from the battle. So just get out of here and come maybe during one of the Cafe Clips, okay?
Daphne: Shaggy, take care of him.
Shaggy snaps his fingers, and Amset-Ra's crown crumbles to pieces.
Amset-Ra: Wh... what did you do to my crown?
Fred: He practices.
Invizable: *off-screen* That's my line!
Velma: Now will you let Scooby win?
Amset-Ra pulls out a new crown to replace the broken one.
Amset-Ra: Nope.
Shaggy: H-how? How did you get another crown? Like, I totally totaled your old one!
Amset-Ra: I knew you were coming. Velma texted me, so that's how I knew. Also, that old crown was fake. I was prepared for you.
Fred: And we would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for you meddling punk! Come on, gang. Let's get out of here.
The Mystery Team leave. Amset-Ra puts his new crown on over his gorgeous reddish-blonde hair and turns back to the battle.
Amset-Ra: What did I miss?
Wyldstyle: Nothing much, except Queen Watevra turned into a giant anvil and crushed the hood of the Fire Hammer, destroying it.
Amset-Ra: Cool. How's Monkey Wretch doing?
Wyldstyle: At the moment he is attempting to take a flamethrower to Watevra who is still in her anchor form.
Amset-Ra: Wait, he's got a flamethrower now?
Wyldstyle: I guess.
FWOOOOOMM!!!
Queen Watevra: Watch my hide! I want to keep it pristine!
Monkey Wretch: Eeek eek eeeeeek!
Vorp!
Wyldstyle: Now she turned into a dragon to combat Monkey Wretch's flames!
Monkey Wretch: COMBATING DARKNESS WITH DARKNESS IS UNCOMELY FOR THE QUEEN OF THE SYSTAR SYSTEM.
Queen Watevra: Whoa. Amset-Ra wasn't kidding when he said you're a creepypasta!
Monkey Wretch: DIE.
FWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
Wyldstyle: WHOA! Now the entire arena is covered in flames! This is the biggest non-explosion fire in ARFP history!
Jay: Should've brought marshmallows.
Amset-Ra: Uh... The fire's not dying out. Eh, I'm not worried; I have every kind of insurance imaginable.
An Anubis Guard runs in.
Anubis Guard: Lord Ra, we caught a Skeleton Drone replacing some of the pieces holding up the pyramid with Mega Bloks and LEPIN pieces.
Amset-Ra: Ogel... Okay, I don't have cheap LEGO piece insurance... And NO, I'm not getting it from Dollar Bill's.
Psyclone: I get all my insurance from Dollar Bill's.
Amset-Ra: Enough with the pointless cameos as we watch the flame die down.
Wyldstyle: I think I see a figure emerging from the flames. It's...
Amset-Ra: Not so fast, Wyldstyle! We need room for suspense.
Audience: TELL US! TELL US! TELL US!
Amset-Ra: Not yet. Actually, let's cut to a commercial. Uh, make that an infomercial. Narrated by M-OC, of course.
Tee-Vee: User "M-OC" not found.
Amset-Ra: Oh yeah... He's out running for President or something. Boy there are a lot of candidates.
Wyldstyle: This isn't political!
Amset-Ra: Yeah, you're right. Sorry. Hey, want to go to Olive Garden?
Wyldstyle: I thought you'd never ask.
The two leave.
Emmet: Hey, that's my love!
General Crokenberg: NOT... ANY... MORE!
Two hours later...
Amset-Ra: Ah, it's good to be back here. So, uh, I see the audience has gone home.
Wyldstyle: Boredom, I guess. Let's go see who won, shall we?
Amset-Ra: Yeah, let's do it. Woo, still smells smoky in here. Good thing the automatic sprinkler system still works.
Wyldstyle: What do you mean, still works?
Amset-Ra: Remember that time when Dr. Inferno borrowed some parts to work on the new fridge for Frenzy's cooking show?
Wyldstyle: How could I forget... Well, at least it still worked.
Queen Watevra: Is that you?
Amset-Ra: Yeah, it's this ugly face again, LOL. So I take it you won.
She holds up a charred Monkey Wretch.
Queen Watevra: This is all the proof you need.
Amset-Ra: Then I guess you're our winner. Congratulations.
Over at the Axle Bar & Grill...
Nadakhan: Hey, mateys! Want me to guess what character you're thinking of?
Skull Twin 1: Uh...
Skull Twin 2: We weren't thinking of anyone in particular.
Skull Twin 1: But now that you mention it...
Nadakhan: Hmm... Lemme guess... Yer character be wearin a crown that be shootin' laser beams and owns a giant arena across the street?
Skull Twin 1: Oh wow, how'd you know?
Skull Twin 2: You must be psychic or something!
Nadakhan: Nay, mateys, just a really good guesser. Ye can all find me on Discord, in the ARFP server. Just make sure ye ask yer parents before gettin' one; 'cause I hear Frenzy raids said server at night.
Skull Twin 1: Yikes...
Skull Twin 2: I wish I had a Discord server...
Nadakhan: Wrist sword curser wish granted!
Pop!
Sword: Hey, why am I a wrist band now? Oh, hey I can curse you! You will forever speak in Webdings! Good luck, translators!
Skull Twin 1: Hey, what happened to my voice?!
Skull Twin 2: That's actually pretty cool.
Sword: Let's make it more interesting! Now Skull Twin 1 will speak in Wingdings while Skull Twin 2 keeps his Webdings!
Skull Twin 1: I don't like this! I take my wish back!
Skull Twin 2: How come you always get to speak first?
Skull Twin 1: I can't understand you; you're speaking in a different dialect!
Skull Twin 2: What did you say?
Sword: Whee-hee-hee! This is fun!
Nadakhan: I be endin' the transmission here fer now. Happy Easter, landlubbers!
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