The Adventures of Hope and Hyde! By Elaina Hyde (Part 2)

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The Adventures of Hope and Hyde! By Elaina Hyde (Part 2)
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Helen Jekyll
Helen Jekyll 
@dr_helen_jekyll 3 years ago
Hello! Hi! I'm really really sorry for posting this so late... You see, Elaina texted this to me quite some time ago and it got lost in a sea of roleplays and I just found the thing today. It's not really a good excuse and it's all my fault so I hope no one is mad...
Hyde smiled. "Well, Ms. Williamson-" he started, but Hope cut him off. "Oh, please, just call me Hope." she said, then frowned. "I'm sorry, I cut you off." she mumbled. Hyde shrugged. "It's alright." He said, mentally rolling his eyes. "I can tell you're one of those Amazonian warrior, Hunters-of-Artemis type girls." He said cooly. Boy, he hated girls like that. "Yes, she's my favorite Greek goddess!" Hope chimed. Hyde nodded. "Well, then, come with me. I've got something to show you." He said, and Hope frowned. "You're a man, you're probably going to... (note her pause) get me drunk..." She mumbled. Hyde smiled. "I promise, I won't. Just trust me, I've got a plan..." He said innocently. Hope nodded slowly, following him. She started chatting to him, happy and not suspicious anymore. "I don't like men much because of my past, but sometimes they're really nice and I hate myself for not trusting them..." She mentioned at one point. Hyde heard, and was now interested. "What happened?" He asked. Hope shrugged. "Nothing really..." She mumbled. Hyde sighed. He'd ask later. He smiled as they approached where he wanted to go. "Here we are..."
And now a message from Elaina Hyde:
I've gone into teenager depression mode and I don't want this anymore. You have it, roleplaying scientists. Do with it what you please. I don't even know if Helen is posting this Friday, when I threw it at her, or Monday, like I promised I would.
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Satoshi Jekyll • 3 years ago
Oh...okay... This is going to get weird. I know it.
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Helen Jekyll  Satoshi Jekyll • 3 years ago
Elaina Hyde: hm, yeah...
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Mz.Hyde Mod • 3 years ago
I brought my vitamins.
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Helen Jekyll  Mz.Hyde • 3 years ago
Elaina Hyde: WAT VITAMINS?!
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Mz.Hyde Mod  Helen Jekyll • 3 years ago • edited
Welllll....THIS is vitamin A,
*Holds up axe*
THIS is vitamin C,
*Holds up chainsaw*
THIS is vitamin D,
*Holds up dagger*
THIS is Vitamin E,
*Holds up egg beater*
And that's only a few!~
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Helen Jekyll  Mz.Hyde • 3 years ago
Elaina Hyde: hm... I like those vitamins. *Giggles*
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Mz.Hyde Mod  Helen Jekyll • 3 years ago • edited
Yay! Do you want to help me kill this Hope girl?!
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Helen Jekyll  Mz.Hyde • 3 years ago
Elaina Hyde: No, no, no, NO NO! DON'T TOUCH HER! I WILL POKE YOU THROUGH THE STOMACH!!!!
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Mz.Hyde Mod  Helen Jekyll • 3 years ago
THIS BITCH BE TRYING TO STEAL MAH BAE!!
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Helen Jekyll  Mz.Hyde • 3 years ago
Elaina Hyde: I SWEAR TO THE GODS IF YOU INSULT HOPE ONE MORE TIME--!!!!
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Mz.Hyde Mod  Helen Jekyll • 3 years ago
INSERT INSULT HERE!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!
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Helen Jekyll  Mz.Hyde • 3 years ago
Me: Come on, Hope is Elaina's pride and joy... Please leave her alone... You're upsetting my girlfriend.
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Mz.Hyde Mod  Helen Jekyll • 3 years ago • edited
You're right. I should really stop all of these mean comments. They hurt others and ruin my self esteem....
PSYCHE! HAHAHAHA!
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(P.S: I'm role-playing.)
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Sarashina Hyde  Mz.Hyde • 3 years ago
Dun' worry. If yer bae 'as 'alf a brain inis 'ead, 'e won' want anyf'n t' do wif er
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Mz.Hyde Mod  Sarashina Hyde • 3 years ago
You know what? You're right! I'm too paranoid! My God, I'm such a Yandere!
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Sarashina Hyde  Mz.Hyde • 3 years ago • edited
(Shrugs ) s' in our nature, noth'n to be ashamed of. Moi Edward knows that oi stalk 'im an' oi'l bloo'y well kill 'im if'e fools aroun' an' tha's no exaggeration com'n from me.
Also, there's probably a good reason she loiks takin' walks down th' East End whoile proclaimin' 'er availabil'y ter every pre'y face on th' stree'. I dun know abou' yer Edward, but moin DEFINITELY 'as a betta taste in 'women than tha'
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Mz.Hyde Mod  Sarashina Hyde • 3 years ago • edited
You're right! And I know that MY Edward won't ditch me for some blonde Mary-Sue! He likes his girls crazy! And that's why he loves me! He's probably just planning to kill this hoe, and I'll be right there if he needs me!~
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(Note: I didn't draw this, but it does kind of look like me IRL!)
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Sarashina Hyde  Mz.Hyde • 3 years ago
Tha's th' spirit!
( bu' if this otha Edward actually takes 'er serious- kill 'em both )
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Mz.Hyde Mod  Sarashina Hyde • 3 years ago
Nah, I love Eddie too much to kill him! I'll probably just chain him up in my basement and torture him for a while!~
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Sarashina Hyde  Mz.Hyde • 3 years ago
( cocks an eyebrow ) THIS Edward? The one Elaine's been writin' abou'?
You 'ave to rememba tha' there's more th'n un 'yde ou' there. I'm pre'y sure tha' this 'un is neither one o' ours
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Sarashina Hyde  Mz.Hyde • 3 years ago • edited
THIS Edward?
Th' one Elaina's been writin' abou'?
Th' s more th'n un 'yde ou' there an oi seriously doubt this un's yers
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Mz.Hyde Mod  Sarashina Hyde • 3 years ago
Honestly, I can't tell! He's wearing a hat and it's 11:00 PM!
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Sarashina Hyde  Mz.Hyde • 3 years ago • edited
'Eres a clue: genius o'er there can' e'en figure ou' 'ow to 'old 'is cane roigh'.Oi'm surprised 'e even remembered 'ow to put on cloves
'Soides, MOI Edward'd alrea'y be mak'n fun 'o 'er wif wi'y insults boi nao. Oi fink a REAL 'yde 'd foin summat be'a t'do than reenactin' "Moi Immorto'"
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Mz.Hyde Mod  Sarashina Hyde • 3 years ago
Hmmmm... "Real Hyde"...GASP! I think you just told me who that is!!
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Sarashina Hyde  Mz.Hyde • 3 years ago • edited
( cocking head to one side ) did oi? Oi was jus' say'n tha' there's a bunch o' 'ydes runnin' abou'...( flatly) judgin' boy this rive'ing accoun', they're all played boy David 'assle'off
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Mz.Hyde Mod  Sarashina Hyde • 3 years ago • edited
You did! Because that's not a REAL HYDE!! THAT'S A JEKYLL!!
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Sarashina Hyde  Mz.Hyde • 3 years ago
( blinking)...boi jove oi fink yer roigh'! Oi be' oi know jus' th' fop too
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Dr. Jekyll II ( Mother Hen )  Sarashina Hyde • 3 years ago • edited
While I accept the premise, your hypothesis is unfortunately incorrect. You must remember that my predecessor was in an engagement with a young lady just like Hope. Surely you've seen the production so I'm sure you are very much aware of how she violated his much guarded privacy by reading his medical notes without asking (a blatant violation of HIPPA laws). I also know for a fact that you are aware of his marriage with Lucy. We under the Jekyll surname tolerate quite a bit, but it is simply that- tolerance.
Judging by the context, this gentleman seems genuinely interested. One can conclude from this that the "fop" to which you are referring to are neither Henry or myself
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Helen Jekyll  Dr. Jekyll II ( Mother Hen ) • 3 years ago
Thank you, you are correct in stating that is in fact a Hyde. I don't know why everyone thinks he's not. The fact they don't believe him to be a Hyde is rather offensive to Elaina because she did her best...
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Dr. Jekyll II ( Mother Hen )  Helen Jekyll • 3 years ago • edited
And I'm sure she did. The only true success is found through trial and error, and this young author is doing a commendable job. It is simply that the Hyde she has written is a softer one- a rare occurrence in this universe of terrifying misanthropes and salty murderers. Neither of the girls are familiar with him and so they mock him. ( Sara refers to me as "Dr. Pansy" on a regular basis )
Also bear in mind that the "everyone" you are referring to is a group of two people, one of which is mentally challenged. I would not hold much merit in anything they have to say.
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Helen Jekyll  Dr. Jekyll II ( Mother Hen ) • 3 years ago
Elaina Hyde: (revised by Helen because Elaina's rambling usually doesn't make sense) THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! I really like it when people give me tips! Unless they're my teachers. Or my mom.
I'm very sensitive and I like Mz. Hyde because I think she's cool and so when she started insulting my work, even if she didn't start it, it's very upsetting even if it really didn't matter much and you don't think their words should have credit.
(Note from Elaina: This doesn't sound like a Hyde because a Jekyll screwed it up. *pokes Helen teasingly*)
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Dr. Jekyll II ( Mother Hen )  Helen Jekyll • 3 years ago • edited
There is a reason I tell the newcomers to steer clear of Sara. My impression of Mz. Hyde is that she shares one trait with my patient and it is that of relational dependency. Relationally dependent people are marked by extreme jealousy and obsessive tendencies. They can and will do what they can to secure their love object.
All that aside, I'm actually writing an extensive critique right now!
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Mz.Hyde Mod  Sarashina Hyde • 3 years ago
Really?! Who is he?
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Sarashina Hyde  Mz.Hyde • 3 years ago
( whispering loudly ) look b'low
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Mz.Hyde Mod  Sarashina Hyde • 3 years ago
*Looks down* My pants?
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Sarashina Hyde  Mz.Hyde • 3 years ago • edited
( jerking her head in the doctor's direction ) Naw, a' the pansy tha' commen' ed af' er me
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Mz.Hyde Mod  Sarashina Hyde • 3 years ago
Ohhhhh! But how can he be here and there at the same time?
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Sarashina Hyde  Mz.Hyde • 3 years ago
'Sa fanfic! 'enry obviously inspired er
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Mz.Hyde Mod  Sarashina Hyde • 3 years ago
Wait, so you can do ANYTHING in a fanfic?!
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Helen Jekyll  Mz.Hyde • 3 years ago
No, it's a HYDE. And that's not constructive criticism, that's flat out saying you think the Hyde Elaina has written isn't good enough. That's rude.
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Mz.Hyde Mod  Helen Jekyll • 3 years ago
I'm not criticizing, I'm role-playing!
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Helen Jekyll  Sarashina Hyde • 3 years ago
But he ISNT like that. If he was, Hope would have took off running. Also, I'm really disappointed in how rude one of the J&H fans are being... Elaina already feels bad about her characterization and you are not helping at all. You called her Hyde failed. You're giving off the impression that if a Hyde doesn't act exactly how you think it should, then it's not a real Hyde.
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Helen Jekyll  Sarashina Hyde • 3 years ago
Look, I don't know if you know this, but this is really offensive. Elaina doesn't like you posting about how bad you think her characters are and even if you didn't mean it that way, that's how it's coming across...
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Madame La Déchante  Helen Jekyll • 3 years ago • edited
Oh no, she meant it. I would ignore the troll, however. She's just trying to be funny but she's falling a little short.
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Sarashina Hyde  Madame La Déchante • 3 years ago • edited
...'s tha' a 'eight joke? OI'LL END YA FER THA'
...AN' OI'LL 'AVE YE KNOW OI'M A DEVO'. D-E-V-OI-ALE
( mumbling sullenly, arms crossed in a child like fashion) 'soides, oi'm a lo' mo' funny th'n you. Ye 'ave to resort to bad puns
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Helen Jekyll  Sarashina Hyde • 3 years ago
Are you calling Elaina's character a Marry Sue? Do you have complaints about this fanfiction? Then if you do, please express them to Elaina directly instead of complaining to all of your friends in the comments, hurting Elaina in the process. Ever heard of constructive criticism? You should have posted your own comment in this discussion listing your grievances (Elaina Hyde: You're such a Jekyll, Helen!) and how she could fix them.
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Helen Jekyll  Sarashina Hyde • 3 years ago
I don't know if you actually payed attention or not to what you were reading, but it is mentioned several times that Hyde doesn't like Hope at all, he's just curious about her in the way some Hyde's are fascinated with the unusual or disfigured.
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Madame La Déchante  Sarashina Hyde • 3 years ago
Oh Sara, you are the last one who should ever throw shade. You were hardly the Belle of Bedlam yourself
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Helen Jekyll  Sarashina Hyde • 3 years ago
Me: Well, that's just rude. Are you saying that Hope isn't a good enough character for Hyde? I assure you, just because she may not be the perfect personality type for Hyde, that doesn't mean he wouldn't tolerate and interact with her so please don't criticize this fanfic unless it's constructive criticism-
Elaina Hyde: And don't criticize a character you hardly know anything about!
Me: because whether it's intentional or not, you've hurt Elaina's feelings.
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Sarashina Hyde  Helen Jekyll • 3 years ago
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Helen Jekyll  Sarashina Hyde • 3 years ago
Elaina Hyde: You're making me feel bad! Hope has BLACK hair, by the way. She isn't a blonde! I know I suck at writing characters but you don't have to be jerks about it! Dah!
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Dr. Jekyll II ( Mother Hen )  Helen Jekyll • 3 years ago • edited
Not that I approve of Sara's infantile display, but if I recall correctly, you did write her as a blonde
"He spotted a young blonde woman and approached her, noting her stormy blue eyes."
That was a minute but effective character description, by the way. You should certainly include more sensory details next time :)
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Helen Jekyll  Dr. Jekyll II ( Mother Hen ) • 3 years ago
Oh dear... That would be a very grave mistake on my behalf. You see, I had to type up what Elaina wrote in a completely separate document from what she sent me and I must have gotten the looks confused with an older model of hers... I'm very sorry for messing that up. I will do what I can to fix it.
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Dr. Jekyll II ( Mother Hen ) • 3 years ago • edited
Since no one else seems to feel like ACTUALLY contributing something useful, I will address the matter of this interesting piece.
What first strikes me when I read this passage is excellent grammar. It is very clearly in one tense, is easy to read, and has nicely structured sentences. The dialogue is, for the most part, also good. If I may, I would like to make a few suggestions.
First of all things, the conversations would flow MUCH smoother if you formatted each direct reply in a paragraph like format
(I.E
"Well, Ms. Williamson-"
"-oh please! Just call me Hope" )
Building on that, there also seems to be some extra narration. Trust your punctuation! They'll understand what you mean when you use an ellipses (...) to indicate a pause. It is also in bad form to place author's notes in the middle of your piece.
( do not do this: "The sun pierced sharply through the many windows of the open manor (Hen and Victoria live in this really big house with lots of servants), bouncing off the peach colored walls and hitting the occupants of the large bed square in the eyes. Henry silently cursed his choice of color as his eyes ached and throbbed with the burst of light." )
Did you see how that interrupted the passage?
In addition, the story feels a little rushed and Hope a wee bit too trusting. Slow down! Enjoy the ride, this is their story and we the flies on the wall. If I came to you suddenly, telling you my life secrets, you'd be worried as well. Consequently, I find that if you conveyed Hope's distrust more through her actions rather than words then we would have a better understanding of her character
(IE.
" "Come with me. I've got something to show you." Hyde extended his hand with a polite smile. Adrenaline burned through Hope's nerves with the gesture and she recoiled, cradling her own hand as if he'd scalded it. The air grew hot around her, stifling and suffocating her. Her bones stung with every beat of her now frantic heart. She spotted The Red Rat and images of her experience pushed their way through her unwilling mind. Hyde paused, his *insert color here* eyes taking in her anxious features.
"Cold feet?"
"You're a man" )
Lastly, your piece would be EVER so engaging if you showed your flies the world upon which they looked. What are the characters seeing? Feeling? What do their voices sound like? Do they sound gruff? Musical? Do they remind of a mouse or perhaps a young boy? What scents surround them? (I can't imagine they're pleasant )
Overall, you're doing an excellent job for a young writer and if you continue on, you will only get better!
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Helen Jekyll  Dr. Jekyll II ( Mother Hen ) • 3 years ago
In response to your very helpful advice, Elaina wanted to say "I'm so EXCITED!!! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! YOU'RE THE BEST!!!! I really do appreciate it! So much!!!"
As for following your advice, she asked me about one of the points you made and I was wondering if maybe you could explain it better than I could?
Elaina: Um... I don't get the paragraphs thing. I never have. I know what she means but I've always been very descriptive, and punctuation never felt descriptive enough for me, so the pagraphes for every time someone talks doesn't work for me. I'm trying to make it as good as I can, but that's just awkward.
Me: Hmmm... Well, whenever you're writing a story, it's good to use a mix of both. Sometimes you can use lots of description, others the paragraph thing... You don't have to use it every time somebody talks, it's just for conversations where extra detail isn't necessary and you want to make it feel more natural.
Thank you so much for your help, we both really appreciate it.
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Dr. Jekyll II ( Mother Hen )  Helen Jekyll • 3 years ago • edited
I think you have a clear understanding of what I was saying, but I will explain further nonetheless. It's not quite a descriptor related dilemma but rather becomes a script when two people are having a conversation. Just as you and I are relaying back and forth so do our characters, which requires a different kind of format if the readers are not to be lost.
"Our vowels are still not quite matched dear"
"How do you want me to sing them then?"
"With an open " ah" sound"
reads MUCH nicer than
"Our vowels are still not quite matched dear " Victoria stated. "How do you want me to sing them then?" Hen asked confusedly."With an open " ah" sound " Victoria replied wisely.
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Catt Hatter • 3 years ago
Nice entry!
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