Trapped in the Forest

The thirteenth chapter of Total Drama School, posted on December 26, 2010. The final four are dumped into the forest that surrounds the school and must make their way back... somehow.
==Story==
Chris introduces the episode. "Last time on Total... Drama... School, the remaining five students competed in a quiz bowl, getting thrusted into a dunk tank if they didn't answer a question right. We also saw the eliminated students, catching up on their lives since they were brutally booted out. In the end, Meg was voted out, because of Amanda's pure evil-ness. Today's challenge will be a little bit different. CHEF!"
Chef Hatchet comes out of nowhere. "What," he says, "Want me to take 'em to the forest?"
"Yessiree," says Chris, "As fast as possible."
Chef shrugs and walks away.
Confessional (Carson): Yeah, man! I made it to the final four! Now, the only thing that could possibly go wrong is me losing some challenge and automatically getting voted off... but that can't happen. Can it?
Footsteps are heard leading towards the confessional. Back in the confessional, Carson says nervously, "What's that--" but before he can finish, Chef comes in, grabs Carson, and stuffs him into a large sack.
Inside the sack, Carson says, "Hey, man! Get me out of here! I'm claustrophobic!" and starts kicking and screaming. Chef ignores him and keeps walking. He finally gets to the forest surrounding the school, and chucks the sack (with Carson still in it) into the depths of the forest.
Carson flies for a while, screaming and shouting, and then lands. "Oof!" he says. "Dude, where am I?" He picks up some sand. "There's sand in a forest? And it's pink? What kind of glitched-up place is this? Well, whatever it is, I'm tired." He yawns. "I'm gonna take a nap." He falls asleep in the sand.
A large purple and green bear comes out of the bushes and growls. The bear picks up a very long stick and starts poking Carson with it. Carson turns around, and the mutant bear grunts. Carson yawns, and while he is yawning, the bear stuffs some berries into his mouth. "PTOO!" Carson wakes up, spits out the berries, barfs on the berries, sees the bear, and screams his head off. The bear, evidently scared, jogs away back into the forest.
"Whew," says Carson. "That was a little bit screwy. Seriously, though. What the crap is this place?" He looks around. He then hears some rustling in the bushes. "Aw, man. If it's another one of those bears again, I'm screwed." He buries himself in the sand and peeks out. "Good." he says. "It's just Sharissa."
Sharissa walks out of the bushes. "Alex? Aleeex?" she yodels. "A-a-a-alex?" She begins to get mad. "Bieber!" she shrieks. "Where the fudgeballs are you? I need to give you back your pills. You left them in the dunk tank yesterday. Now, where are you? If you don't come out in 36 seconds, I'm going to punch you in the kiwis again. You know how much that hurts, right? I mean, I punched you in the kiwis about a week ago, but you were asleep, so you couldn't feel it. Now come out before I--"
"ENOUGH!" says someone. Sharissa looks around. "Alex?" she says again. "That doesn't sound like you."
"It's not!" Carson comes out of his sand-hole, breathing heavily. "Stop talking! Dude, I'm trying to sleep!"
Sharissa says, "Oh, there you are, Cars! Great to see ya. I was looking for Alex's pi--"
"I heard the whole thing," grumbles Carson, "and I don't need to hear it again."
Sharissa says, "All right. Now, why are we in the forest, where's Chris, and when's the challenge?"
Carson says, "Man, I don't know. I mean, I was in the confession-thingy, sayin' stuff, then Chef came in and stuffed me into a sack. Then this purple and green bear poked me with a stick and I got these nasty berries stuck in my mouth. And then I heard your rant about Alex, and now I'm here, talking to a psycho."
"Yeah," says Sharissa, "Well, I was captured and put into a sack too, but it was by some fat intern guy, and he did it when I was taking a--"
"TMI." says Carson.
"Sorry about that," says Sharissa, "And then the fat dude took me into the forest, and this big vulture picked me up and tried to feed me to its kids, but I escaped and killed it, and found Alex' pills."
Carson says, "That's screwy. My bear was screwy. This whole place is screwy! Let's just go back to school."
Sharissa says, "I tried. But this place is like a maze."
Carson says, "Yeah, I guess you're right. Hey! What's that?" He points to a large bag. "Looks like some sort of tent."
"Well, maybe we should set it up." says Sharissa, and she takes the stuff out of the bag.
Inside the bag is a large can of beans, a tent, and a compass. "What's all this crap?" says Sharissa.
Carson says, "Hey, this isn't crap." He picks up the can of beans. "Well, this is, but not the tent and the compass. You should set the tent--" He looks over at Sharissa, who's already in the tent.
"Got it covered." says Sharissa.
Carson says, "Wow, that only took you, like, 10 seconds. How did you learn this?"
"Well, you mean my survival skills?" says Sharissa.
"Yeah," says Carson, "Who taught them to you?"
Sharissa says happily, "My cousin."
"And that is..." says Carson.
Sharissa grins, "Izzy!"
Carson says, "That really explains a lot. Like you vanishing into a puff of smoke at your elimination, and talking really fast, and being a complete nutcase-- I mean, interesting person."
Sharissa says, "She's a day older than me. She's totally my role model."
Carson says dryly, "Figures. Wait, what's that sound?" Another rustling is heard in the bushes.
"Those bushes rustle a lot." says Sharissa.
"Shh, get down." says Carson.
Amanda comes out of the bushes. Her hair is frizzy and wild, and her clothes are ripped. "All right, who did this to me? And where's the School?" says Amanda angrily. "I'm serious, Chris, if you don't get me out of here right now, I can sue. My cousin's a lawyer! And also--"
Sharissa hits Amanda on the head with the can of beans. Amanda passes out, and Carson and Sharissa crowd towards her.
"Let's get rid of the evidence!" says Carson, and he throws Amanda into the bushes. Her legs still stick out. Carson and Sharissa begin rapidly pushing her legs into the bushes. A soft scream is then heard.
"Wait a sec..." says Sharissa, "I know that voice..."
Alex comes flying out of a tree, and lands on Sharissa. "OH MY GOD!" screams Alex.
Sharissa says, "Calm down, midget!"
Alex says, "Some intern attacked me... I was mauled by a large trout... Chef took my lucky golden dollar... I saw Meg in the forest..."
Sharissa says, "Wow. You sure experienced a lot of-- Wait, did you say MEG?"
Carson says, "Yeah, I think he did. I thought she was eliminated!"
Alex says while breathing heavily, "Yeah, that's exactly what I thought. But I saw her working for Chris... She's like some sort of intern or something..."
Sharissa gasps. "Meggie? An INTERN?"
Carson says, "Somehow, I have trouble picturing that."
Alex says, "And worst of all..." He stops breathing. He looks into Carson's eyes for a moment and then bursts out laughing.
Carson says, "What's so funny, dude?"
Alex says in between hysterical laughter, "Meg... was flirting... with a boy intern..."
"Oh, man." says Carson. "Oh, man, oh, man, oh, man, oh, man."
"What?" says Sharissa.
"I'm screwed." says Carson.
"How?" asks Alex.
Carson explains, "Gary! Gary likes Meg, and I promised her that I'd set him up with her!"
Sharissa says, "Do you really think Meggie would like Gary?"
Carson says, "It could happen. Not soon, but it could happen..."
Alex says, "So, out of the six boys here: the slob, the jock, the gangsta, Gary, you and me, she'd pick GARY?"
Carson says, "You're right, dude. I knew it wouldn't happen, I just wanted to make Gary happy. He was my best friend here, besides Devin. I just wanted him to help me win."
Alex says, "Don't worry, bro. You have me now. Now, let's get going."
Carson says, "What do you mean?"
Alex says, "Shouldn't we focus on getting back to school?'
Carson says, "OK, that's right. Get on." He hoists Alex onto his back.
Alex says, "Yeah, man. That's the stuff." Carson and Alex walk into the wilderness.
Sharissa says, "Wait! Alex! I forgot to give you your pills! Get back here right now!"
Alex says, "Catch up to us later. We're leavin'." and the two boys fade into the forest.
Sharissa says, "I wonder what these pills even do." She plops a couple into her mouth. Her eyes go all wild, and she begins to dance frantically. Amanda, who has regained consciousness, peeks out of the bushes to see what Sharissa is doing. She sees her, rolls her eyes, and goes back into the bushes.
Carson and Alex come to a brook in the middle of the forest.
"Water. Goody." says Alex, and he topples off of Carson. He grabs a water bottle from Carson's backpack and immediately begins to fill it up with water.
Carson says, "You know, I peed in that water bottle a couple minutes ago? I didn't feel like going in the forest."
Alex spits out the water. "PTOO!"
"Relax, dude," says Carson, "I dumped it out a while ago."
Alex says, "You're so wrong. Should we camp out, or go back to School?"
Carson says, "Maybe we should go back. I mean, what if the challenge is to see who gets back first? It'd be for a good reason."
"OK," says Alex, "But can't we stay here for just one more minute?"
Carson says, "Sixty seconds."
During Alex' sixty seconds, he goes pee, does a couple jumping jacks, dances, and falls asleep.
Once his sixty seconds are over, Carson says, "Alex, time's up."
Alex is asleep.
"Alex?" says Carson. "Stop being a blob. I said only sixty seconds."
Alex ignores him.
Carson gets a bit angry. "Alex, get up, or I'm feeding you to that bear."
Alex doesn't move a muscle.
Carson says, his voice breaking, "You don't want me to feed you to a mutant bear, do you?"
Alex shrugs in his sleep.
Carson says angrily, "Just, just get up!"
Alex snores loudly.
Carson says, "All right, bum." He leaves.
Alex writhes on the ground.
Carson says floatily, 'O-kayyy... whatever you say! I guess I'll just leave you... in the forest with lots of dangerous wild animals... where you could potentially get mauled by a vulture... or even a bear..."
Alex breathes heavily and sits up. "Dang it, I hate it when you say that! Let's go."
Carson dances around and says, "You had your chance... but since you didn't get up when I told you, I'm just gonna leave..."
Alex grumbles.
Carson walks into the forest, and says one more time, "You had your chance..."
Alex grumbles again and starts playing with dirt. "Stupid Carson," he mutters, "waking me up, then talking in that obnoxious voice..."
While Carson is walking in the forest, he says, "Maybe that wasn't such a good idea to abandon Alex. I mean, he's totally lazy and annoying, but he's my only chance of survival... what was that?"
A large animal comes up to Carson and growls.
"Oh, crap," says Carson, "It's a woolly beaver!"
He starts sprinting. The woolly beaver is no match for him. "I'm the fastest runner in my gym class!" says Carson while running. "You just messed with the wrong person!"
The woolly beaver grunts, shrugs, and trots away, into the bushes.
Carson says, "That was close. Hey, I wonder where the school is?" He then peeks through some brush and sees light. "The school!" he says. "Aw, yeah! I'm free! FREEEE!"
Carson skips merrily to the school lobby. "CHRIS!" he says and hugs him.
Chris says, "Chill, Carson. Well, you just won the challenge."
Carson says, "I did? I DID! YEAH!"
Chris says, "Now, do you mind talking in an inside voice?"
Carson whispers, "Oh yeah. Sure."
Chris says, "The other three are still wandering around aimlessly in the forest, so you pretty much get this whole school to yourself."
Right after Chris says that, Sharissa skips in. "What'd I miss?" she says.
"...I take that back." says Chris.
Sharissa says, "What was that crap all about?'
Chris says, "Your challenge was to find your way back to the school. And you're here now. Carson arrived first, so he won."
Sharissa says, "Where's Amanda and Alex?"
Chris says, "Still in the forest. Losers."
Sharissa says, "All right. So... what can we do while we're waiting?'
Chris says, 'Wash the School Bus of Losers. I'm planning to remodel it and use it for this other show I host, and I need it fast."
Carson says, "No way."
Sharissa says, "I'm with him."
Chris says, "Fine, I'll make an intern do it. But I'm still really bored-- Hi, Amanda."
Amanda crawls into the doorway. Her hair is literally an afro, and her clothes are even worse than before. Her makeup is smeared on her face, and her voice is basically a cackle.
"Chris..." she croaks. "I'm so gonna sue... I never want to go into that forest again."
"My, my, my." says Chris. "We need to get you cleaned up. What's the point of a reality show if one of the stars is sickeningly ugly?"
Amanda croaks, "Sh-sh-shut upppp..."
Chris says, "Fine. Intern!" A large African American intern with a hat comes in and picks up Amanda.
"Want me to take her to the bath?" says the intern in a deep, throaty voice.
"Sure thing, B." says Chris. "Now, it looks like everyone's here, except Alex."
Alex walks through the door with large bags under his eyes. "I'm here," he says.
Chris says, "Well..."
"Alex, you arrived last, so that means you're eliminated."
Alex says, "Huh? Why?"
Chris says, "I just said. You arrived last! I never said there was going to be a vote."
Sharissa screams, "ALEEEX! You bum! You shoulda gone with Carson! That way, Amanda would have been eliminated!"
Amanda comes out of the bathroom with a towel around her body and head, and says, "Yeah. But I wasn't. So that leaves poor little Alex to go home tonight. Bye, guys. I'm gonna go to bed."
Alex says, "Dude, this is unfair."
Chris says, "What good is a reality show without an antagonist?"
Alex huffs, "All right, fine. I figured this would happen soon. Well, see ya, guys."
Alex walks to the School Bus of Losers, which is now painted with yellow dogs, swords, and lumpy purple blobs. "Is this for what I think it is for?" says Alex. He gets into the bus, and it screeches away.
Chris says, "The final four is now the final THREE! Who will be eliminated next? And which two lucky kids will advance on to the final two? And what challenge will I make that's somehow related to school? Find out soon enough on... Total... Drama... Schooool!"
Carson says, "The final three! Woo-hoo!"