Sha'tar RP Classes

Hi, I'm Thracen. You might remember me from such forum posts as "Stop whining about PvP, you're a fucking Rogue" and "Coffin Stuffing: the Death Knight Cybering Guide". 
In the thrilling installments of this regular guide, I'll help you navigate the tricky, sticky waters of RP, until you find a happy hearth and home here on The Sha'tar EU. In the likely event of these installments being neither thrilling nor regular, I am almost definitely to be found crawling across the bloody floors of my home, gathering insectile vermin in order to sacrifice them to Blizzard. It is believed that dark rites such as these are what it will take to finally get the Big B to pay attention to RPers, and make sweeping game changes entirely for the benefit of the 1% of subscribers that like to pretend to be elves or orcs while we play, because people like us totally deserve to be taken seriously. 
==Welcome to the Sha'tar!==
As a roleplayer on The Sha'tar, you'll be playing an elf. But here's where it becomes a little more complex, because some elves are dark and huge, like D&D's dark elves started playing American Football, while others are much, much, much more popular but have the most intensely annoying /laugh sounds you can possibly imagine. 
Once you've chosen which kind of elf you'll be playing, it's time to select a class. On the Sha'tar, we're not limited to the plain classes at Character Creation. Our realm has a proud tradition of thinking outside the box and colouring outside the lines. At this point, it's probably best to try and forget that colouring outside the lines just makes a mess. 
Below is a guide to help explain our unique Hero Classes, complete with their requirements, and hopefully inspire you take your own first steps into our wonderful realm. 
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===Deathtard===
As with other realms, we have access to the Death Knight Hero Class. It's like a Warrior and a Paladin, except better designed, with much more attractive spell effects, and a system far less annoying than Rage or Mana. It also comes with a class-only mount, the ability to ignore the first 2 months of the game's previously-seen content, and modified voices none of the other classes have. An added class feature is that no matter which spec you choose, you can do whatever job you wish in PvE, and you can tear up the ranks of the Top 100 Arena teams by pressing your nose to the CAPS LOCK key, and slowly rolling your face until your cheek covers the 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, Q, W, E, R, T, A, S, D, F and G keys. This complex spell rotation has been known to give S5 arena rewards in a matter of days, along with mild headaches. 
The Deathtard version of the class is noted for one thing that makes it stand out from the Death Knight. At some point in the character's name, the words Death, Dark, Blood, Grave, Unholy, Frost or Ice must be mentioned. This may require the use of accents if someone (some bold and daring genius, no doubt) already has the name Death, Bloodsteve or Unholyjoe. If this happens when you try to log in with your new Deathtard, do your best to keep your temper. I know, I know... I can't believe someone else stole such a cool name, either. Nevermind. You'll think of something else. Just put an accent above the O, and you can be Fròstmaster, instead. Cool, no? The master of all frost? Man, you sound awesome. 
Requirements: 
* A level 55 character on the game account. 
* No sense of fair play. 
* Too cool to use a shield. 
* Ability to use tongue in order to hit the Space Bar. 
* No intention of roleplaying.
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===Lesbelf===
As the sin'dorei race declines, the highest authorities in Silvermoon decided that the one thing a failing population desperately needed to survive near-extinction was a vast wave of sticky-fingered girls batting their eyelashes at each other and believing that "boys are gross". To this end, the Law of the Fountain was passed down from Sun Prince Kael'thas. Silvermoon would no longer be allowed to enjoy its freedoms, and each year an increasing number of Silvermoon's best and most unrealistically-breasted daughters would spend their nights in lesbianic congress. 
Lesbelves are almost always blonde, though rare mutations do exist. Most are excellent examples of their class, rarely failing in anything they do, as well as being stone cold foxy at all times. The Lesbelf Hero Class offers a unique benefit in that any wounds taken will almost certainly not leave scars, except for a select few subtle ones that somehow enhance the character's beauty. These scars must, at no point, make sense. They must never detract from the character's attractiveness, and are almost always taken on parts of the body that would have been protected by realistic armour. 
The main difference between a female blood elf paladin and a Lesbelf is in the armour she wears. Just as Death Knights can tank without shields while no other trained fighter can, Lesbelves can wear nothing more than scraps of metal over their nipples and gain the full effects of plate armour. 
Requirements: 
* Account registered under a male name. 
* Not being all that sure what the number bits of bra measurements mean.
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===Silvermoon Ninja ===
The most popular Hero Class on the Sha'tar is, of course, the Silvermoon Ninja. The Sin'dorei of The Sha'tar are not known for their arcane powers, shameful past addictions, or the martial pride of their failing race. They are similarly never known for the beauty of their woodland home, so recently rebuilt after the Scourge invasion. Indeed, what the blood elves are most famous for is their ability to wear black, to carry two swords, and occasionally hate pirates. 
A Silvermoon Ninja is better than everyone else. They strike from the shadows, where you never even saw them waiting. They fight with twin glowing blades of incredible magical force, each one dripping with hideously potent poisons. They can slay from dawn to dusk, offering nothing more than a /lol at the passing Silvermoon Guards on patrol. They are above the law. They are above justice, above danger, and above anything threatening them. Most are above death itself, with unlimited resurrections right after the rare moments they let themselves die in a suitably dramatic, theatrical, and staggeringly annoying way. They're above everything, but most of all, they are above you. No other class is as sexy, as cool, has watched as much anime, has played as much Assassin's Creed, or likes that WoW machinima video Blind as much as Silvermoon Ninjas do. 
Silvermoon Ninjas do not lose fights, unless a temporary loss will result in a cooler victory later, or a scar that inspires great emotion without making them any less attractive. When faced with an RPer of greater skill at describing battles, or presenting them with a realistic method by which they might be harmed, the UI display of a Silvermoon Ninja scrambles the words as if it were the nonsense of an Alliance race trying to talk to them. 
In-game, Silvermoon Ninjas function much the same as Rogues, but are often specced with much less skill. This is partly because many Silvermoon Ninjas never reach the endgame and remain as alts, and partly because talents are chosen based on which names sound the most awesome. 
Requirements: 
* Must have believed Assassin's Creed showed a spectacular piece of character development. 
* Own 'The Crow', starring Brandon Lee. 
* Must talk about the WoW machinima video Blind, and compare their character's own emote fighting skills to it.
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===God-King===
The God-King class is a subtle one, and can take some time to master. Whereas the Silvermoon Ninja openly shows its dominance by its outfits, its sweet RP blades, and its ability to emote out of any fight, the God-King relies on its RP profile to get the point across. In-game, it functions as a poor example of its chosen base class, but once another player understands its MRP, flagRSP2 or ImmersionRP profile, then shit is on. 
It wins because it says so. It says so right here in its RP profile. Right here, with the passage about being the son of Thrall, or secretly a dragon, or the right hand Deathmaster of the Lich King himself. Lacking any real ability to establish itself as a power-player in realm politics or become a beloved household name, the God-King class simply insists it's already in that position, and prays enough people read its RP profile to make it come true. It can't actually become a dragon. Thrall never calls it "my boy". The Scourge try to kill it just like they try to kill everyone. But the difference is, the God-King couldn't make one of the other classes interesting, so resorted to just being more important and cooler than everyone else. Only... without any proof. 
A God-King is almost certain to possess powers that have nothing to do with WoW. This is their unique ability, similar to how Death Knights can fight without shields (but Warriors aren't good enough) and Rogues can slip in to the shadows, but Silvermoon Ninjas can go invisible on demand. All classes have powers set by the lore of WarCraft. God-Kings do not. It's not uncommon for a God-King to possess superpowers from unrelated books, movies (or, of course, animes), and wield them in-game. Disagreeing with the use of these powers means you lack imagination, so be warned. 
Requirements: 
* Must believe player's own subscription fee counts for more than anyone else's. 
* Impressive sounding title in RP profile addon. 
* Previous failure to become a realm-wide celebrity.
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===Minor Classes ===
The so-called minor classes still enjoy a great deal of popularity. These will be dealt with at a later date: 
* Forum Personality. 
* Pirate. 
* Half-Demon. 
* Low-level Cyber Alt. 
* Male Blood Elf With Japanese Name For Some Reason.
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