Ronald

This page describes a being.Ronald is an Irish being who is quite fond of spice bags. He extensively collects Russian books, which he is unable to read. When he eats spice bags he jiggles, and he is the only known Irish person to be able to eat too much spice bag. Though he is a very bright individual indeed, he can be hard to communicate with due to a condition where he stops listening mid-sentence and thinks about the war. His favorite flavor of ice cream is lemon. Ronald has served as the CEO of McDonald's since 1975. 
== Ronald History ==
=== Discovery ===
In early February of 1953, Ronald was ashore Inishsirrer, an island off the coast of County Donegal, Ireland. He slipped into the water and began to blankly float up the Irish coast. Eventually, after thirty hours, Ronald noticed he was no longer floating. He was in Letterkenny. Soaking wet, he stood up and began wandering the streets, his soggy clown shoes flopping against the concrete. He asked random passerby where he could find a spice bag, and eventually obtained one from a local Chinese restaurant.
On a visit to McDonald's in Letterkenny, McDonald found a wet Ronald eating a spice bag next to the dumpster behind the McDonald's. Eventually, McDonald would become Ronald's mentor and they shared a close bond. Ronald would hold a high position within McDonald's.
==== Modern Ronald begins. ====
During the 60s and early 70s he played with the Spicebag Tractors. He was responsible for the production of the McDonald's Bean. In 1973, he co-led Operation Slim Chicken with McDonald. In order to raise moral for his troops, Rolando had a 17-hour goon sesh with bros which ended up involving 70% of Outer Chicken's occupants. 
=== Post-Chicken ===
In 1997, Rongle suffered from a coma lasting for almost two years. This would become known as the Bad Bag Incident. 
==== The Allegations ====
In early December of a specific super secret unspecified non-specific year, Ronald was accused of not being one person, but actually 3 different old men and 1 granny. Ronald has not publicly confirmed or denied these allegations.
== Ronning ==
Ronald maintains an energy level measured in 0-100% Ron level. On average, Ronginald will maintain a 13% or above Ron level. If it falls too low an event may occur. At the time of the Brown Burger Incident, Ronald's Ron level was estimated to be around 9%. Throughout the course of the Bad Bag Incident, his levels are calculated to be as low as 4.5%, far too low to maintain normal Ronald activities. At exactly 4am daily, Ronlat's Ron level reaches a peak. During this time, known as the Ronning Hour, Ronald will turn off all sources of light in his room, stare blankly at nothing, and partake in Ronning.
Actions that Ronald does to raise his Ron levels are:
* Being an annoying little Irishman weener.
* Eating a spicy bag.
*Listening to Irish folk music and country music.
*Reading a Russian book.
* Looking at a Russian book.
* Thinking about Russian books.
* Remembering Russian books are a thing.
* Buying Russian books.
* Ronning.
Ronald also has his own spiritual wellbeing online store, Ronning.
== Licenses ==
=== Piss Drinking Activities ===
In 2003, Ronald went down to the DPL (Department of Piss Licenses) and obtained his Piss License. Since then, he has used his Piss License to drink piss in public. Many authorities who find Ronald drinking piss outside of Ireland make false claims about his license being "fake" or "counterfeit" or "just a scrap of paper that looks like a child scribbled on it" or that "it looks nothing like him" but they are WRONG.
=== Wuzzard Man ===
Ronald went down to hagwarts to get his wizardin' license and they gave him this and now he has it.
== Quotes ==
See: Ronald Quotes
== Ronald Trivia ==
* Ronald has 39 tally marks tattooed on his testicles. These represent his level in Call of Duty: World at War for Xbox 360.
* Ronald is an Among Ass gamer.
* Ronald is not just LGBTQ+, he is the entire fruit factory.
* He fucked that fish.
== Related Pages ==
*Ron's E-Sex Incident
*Ronald Jr.
File:Spice bagger.gif|Proof Ronald is a certified spice bagger,
File:Ronaldcat.png|Ronald's cat, Ronald
File:Ronald help me.jpg|Ronald during the Brown Burger Incident.
File:Ronad with the bean.jpeg|Ronald with his Peel Trident, the predecessor of the McDonald's Bean..
File:Ronald with the bean.png|Ronald with a prototype McDonald's Bean. (circa 1968)