The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000/Transcript

: All is calm at Fluttershy's cottage in the dim, pre-dawn light one quiet morning, when she is awakened by a rap at the door ~
: Fluttershy: [yawning] Who could that be? It's still dark...
: Rainbow: [crashing through the window] Come on, Fluttershy! Cider season's about to start!
: [Rainbow carries her out the window when she hesitates]
: Fluttershy: Oh... where are we? What's the rush?
: Rainbow: The rush? Don't you remember what happened last year? Or the year before that?! Or pretty much any cider season ever?!
: Fluttershy: Um, well, uh-
: Rainbow: Pinkie Pie! She always ends up ahead of us in line, and then they always run out of cider!
: Fluttershy: I guess I...
: Rainbow: Well, not this year! This year I'm gonna get there before sunrise, so I can drink all the cider I want, and laugh when she doesn't get any! It's the perfect plan. You know, I might even buy some cider and hold onto it for a while, drinking it drop by drop in front of her-
: [she stops and is shocked by the massive line of tents camped out at Sweet Apple Acres in anticipation of cider season]
: Fluttershy: Gee, Rainbow Dash. It looks like a few other ponies had the same idea.
: [Pinkie emerges from her tent at the front of the line, her mane all frizzy]
: Fluttershy: Oh, gosh Pinkie. I love your new style.
: Rainbow: Who are all these ponies?!
: Pinkie: Isn't this great? I couldn't sleep last night because I was so excited by the cider season, and I had this brilliant idea to come down here and camp out, so I told a few others about it and they all thought it was a great idea too and now it's just a big old cider party! Woo-hoo! [noticing the line] Oh gosh, that's a lot of ponies! Hope they don't run out before you get any...
: [ theme ]
: Twilight: Isn't this exciting, Spike?! Opening day of cider season!
: Spike: Yeah! That means it's only thirty more days 'til sapphire season!
: [Twilight and Rarity roll their eyes]
: Applejack: Attention, everypony! Cider season is now officially... OPEN!
: [Everypony in line begins excitedly conversing. One by one they walk through the line to get their cider; Pinkie walks away with an armful of mugs. When Rainbow finally reaches the stand, the spout sputters and deposits a drop in the mug, bringing Rainbow first to tears, then to anger.]
: Applejack: Sorry, everypony! That's it for today!
: Rainbow: Surprise, surprise! You ran out again!
: Stallion: Yeah, you always run out!
: Fluttershy: For the record, I don't mind-
: Rainbow: Why can't you make enough cider for all of us?! Or at least for me...
: Applejack: Hold on, everypony. We've done our best to improve supply this year.
: Same Stallion: You always say that!
: Applejack: And it's always true. But Apple Family cider is made with love and integrity, and only the highest quality apples in Equestria. Sorry, but that recipe takes time.
: [Everypony murmers angrily, except Twilight, Rarity, and Spike, who all look concerned.]
: Applejack: If y'all just be patient, we'll have plenty more tomorrow.
: Pinkie: to Rainbow Dash: She's right, you know! You can't rush perfection, and this year's batch was perfection!
: Fluttershy: Uh, Pinkie Pie...
: Pinkie: I'll never forget the cider I just drank! It was a moment in time that will never exist again!
: [Rainbow is about to explode when a horn beeps and a steam powered contraption ambles up the path]
: Applejack: What in Equestria is that? [Not knowing what to make of this machine but seemingly pleased with its arrival, everypony walks over to investigate as it comes to a stop, breaking off the end of the Apple's fence.]
: The Flim Flam brothers sing the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 song ~
: Apple Bloom: You got a deal!
: Granny Smith: Not so fast! [the family huddles for a conference] No way, no how that machine matches up with the care we put in our cider!
: Apple Bloom: But if it really does work, we could make everypony in town happy!
: Applejack: I just don't know, y'all. We've always made cider the same way.
: Big McIntosh: Eeyup.
: [Flim and Flam insert themselves into the huddle]
: Flim: We'll sweeten the deal! You supply the apples,
: Flam: We supply the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000.
: Flim and Flam in unison: Then we split those sweet, sweet profits...
: Flim: Seventy-five,
: Flam: Twenty-five.
: Apple Bloom: Deal! [Applejack puts a hoof over her mouth]
: Applejack: Hold on. Who gets the seventy-five?
: Flim: Why, us, naturally.
: Flam: And, we'll throw in the magic to power the machine for free.
: Applejack: Cider sales keep our business afloat through the winter. We'd lose Sweet Apple Acres if we agree to this.
: Flim and Flam: So... What'll it be?
: Big McIntosh: No deal.
: Flim: Hm. Very well. If you refuse our generous offer to be partners, then we'll just have to be competitors.
: Applejack: You wouldn't dare.
: Flim: Oh, no?
: Flam: Don't you worry, everypony! There'll be plenty of cider for all of you!
: Flim: whispering wryly to the Apples: Once we drive Sweet Apple Acres out of business.
: Apple Bloom: What?!
: The Apples resume selling cider the next morning with a fresh batch. Applejack is discussing the situation with Twilight and Spike over a mug of cider ~
: Twilight: Still worried about Flim and Flam?
: Spike: Granny Smith says they were just blowin' hot air.
: Applejack: I'm not so sure. They sounded mighty serious when they threatened to run us out of business.
: Apple Bloom: That's it - last cup!
: Rainbow: [yelling from over a distant hill] Oh, for Pete's sake!
: Apple Bloom: Come back tomorrow, everypony!
: [The brothers return with their fantastic contraption, again taking out the end of the Apple's fence as Granny is mending it.]
: Flim: What seems to be the problem here?
: Flam: Oh my, oh my, out of cider again?
: Flim: What have we here? [the machine ejects a keg from the back] Who'd like a cup?!
: Flam: Don't worry, everypony, we've got the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 to make more in an instant!
: [They levitate a mug over to Rainbow Dash, which is knocked from her hoof to the ground by Applejack as she lassos the keg, spilling its contents.]
: Applejack: You can't sell that cider! That's made from Apple family apples!
: Rainbow: [shoving the dirt in her mouth that absorbed the spilled cider] Is this some kind of cruel joke?
: Flim: Don't worry, everypony. There are plenty of apples in Equestria. We'll find some others and make more cider than all of Ponyville can drink! [the crowd gasps]
: Apple Bloom: We'll make more cider than you could ever imagine! [they gasp more intensely]
: Granny Smith: Now, it ain't about the speed, young'un. It's about quality.
: Rainbow: Who cares how good the cider is if I never get to drink any?
: Flim: [dramatically grabbing Rainbow by the face] Oh, look at these poor, dissatisfied ponies.
: Apple Bloom: Ponyville is Sweet Apple Cider country!
: Applejack: Our cider speaks for itself!
: Flim: Let's put it to the test!
: Apple Bloom: Anywhere, anytime!
: Granny Smith: That's enough, now...
: Flam: With our machine, we can make enough cider in one hour to satisfy this entire town!
: Apple Bloom: We'll do it in 45 minutes!
: Granny Smith: Easy, Apple Bloom, easy.
: Flim: What's the matter, Granny Smith? Chicken?
: Granny Smith: What did you call me, sonny?
: Flim: If you're so confident in your cider, then what's the problem?
: Granny Smith: Tomorra mornin', right here!
: Flam: But I'm afraid we haven't any... [spit-shines an apple] apples.
: Granny Smith: You can use our south field, and itta be worth it to teach y'll a thing or two about cider making!
: Flim: Excellent! We have a bet! Whoever produces the most barrels in one hour wins the exclusive right to sell cider in Ponyville.
: [they shake hooves]
: Granny Smith: And after we beat ya, I don't never want to see you bamba-hoozalers around here again!
: Flam: Until... tomorrow. [the drive away in reverse]
: Twilight: Don't worry, Applejack, I know you'll win tomorrow!
: Applejack: We better, 'cause if we don't, we're gonna lose our farm.
: The Apple family gets to the field early the next morning for warm-up exercises ~
: [Applejack is kicking a bag as Apple Bloom clings to the other side]
: Twilight: Applejack? Are you sure this is such a good idea?
: Applejack: Me and the family are... [kick] a hundred percent confident... [kick] in our cider making capability.
: Apple Bloom: And besides, nopony calls Granny a chicken! [Applejack's next kick throws her from the bag.]
: Mayor: Attention, everypony!
: Twilight: Well, good luck!
: Applejack: Thanks, Twilight! We'll need it...
: Mayor: The teams have one hour to produce as much cider as they can! After which the barrels will be counted, and the winner will be named the sole cider provider for all of Ponyville!
: [murmering]
: Mayor: Are both teams ready? [Big Mac dons a pair of goggles, Granny snorts, and Apple Bloom blows on her mane]
: Applejack: Ready!
: Flim and Flam: Ready!
: Mayor: Then let's... [Doctor Whooves flips an hour glass] GO!
: Granny Smith: [smelling the apples] Bad'n. Good'n. Bad'n...
: [Big Mac is running to power a mill that's crushing the apples into cider]
: Applejack: Great job, y'all! We've already filled an entire barrel!
: Apple Bloom: I'll bet you those guys don't even have... [they gasp as they see the brothers finish their sixth barrel]
: Applejack: Come on, Apple Bloom! Focus! We gotta forget those guys if we're gonna have a chance of winnin'!
: Apple Bloom: Sorry, sis! [Brings a fresh tub of apples to Granny, who already has four tubs waiting to be sorted] Better keep up, Granny. We're fallin' behind!
: Granny Smith: Good'n... bad'n.
: [Big Mac is tired and slowing down.]
: Applejack: Rest when it's over, Big McIntosh! Ride, ride!
: Rarity: This is just dreadful! Even at top speed the Apples are only making one barrel to the twins' three!
: Twilight: Miss Mayor! Are honorary family members allowed to help in the competition?
: Mayor: Well, I'm not sure...
: Flim, Flam, would you object to honorary family members helping?
: Flim: Are you kidding?
: Flam: We don't care if the whole kingdom of Canterlot helps! It's a lost cause.
: Mayor: I guess it's OK. Applejack? What do you think?
: Applejack: I think I'd love to have the rest of my family helpin' out.
: Everypony: All right!
: Twilight: OK, everypony. We're not gonna let those smooth-talkers take our friend's farm.
: The others: Yeah!
: Twilight: Fluttershy, help Applejack with the trees.
: Fluttershy: Got it.
: Twilight: Pinkie Pie, you're on apple catching detail.
: Pinkie: Yes sir, ma'am, sir!
: Twilight: Rarity, you've got a discerning eye. Help Granny Smith at the quality control station.
: Rarity: Of course.
: Twilight: Rainbow Dash, do you think you can help Big McIntosh press?
: Rainbow: In my sleep!
: Twilight: Alright, everypony! Let's save Sweet Apple Acres!
: The others: All right!
: [Fluttershy begins flying from tree to tree to shake them as Applejack continues kicking.]
: Pinkie: Over there, Apple Bloom! Don't miss them!
: Apple Bloom: [slides under a tree right as the apples begin to fall] Right behind you, Pinkie Pie!
: Granny Smith: Good'n! Bad'n! Bad'n! Good'n!
: Rarity: Lovely. Horrid! Horrid! Lovely.
: [As Big Mac and Rainbow Dash run to press the apples, Twilight swaps barrels as they become full.]
: Twilight: Based on these figures, we're making five barrels for every three of theirs.
: Applejack: Keep it up, everypony! We're back in this!
: Flim: [spraying cider in his brother's face] Come on, brother! We've gotta pick up the pace!
: Flam: Right! Uh... double the power! [the increased speed is ruining the harvested apples]
: Flim: We gotta try something else!
: Flam: I've got it, brother of mine... [he turns off the quality control system, letting all apples and debris go through]
: Flim: Well done, Flam! We're at top productivity!
: Twilight: Come on, Rainbow Dash, keep grinding!
: Rainbow: We don't have time for quality control if we wanna win this thing!
: [attempts to take all the apples from Granny Smith]
: Granny Smith: Get back, you! One bad apple spoils the bunch!
: Rainbow: Applejack, help me!
: Applejack: There's no point in winnin' if we cheat!
: Twilight: We'll just have to work harder! Come on, everypony!
: Rainbow: All right then, double time!
: Mayor: Time's up! [starts counting barrels]
: [the Apple team collapses]
: Twilight: I'm proud of you, Applejack.
: Applejack: Thanks.
: Twilight: Integrity like that will always be rewarded.
: Mayor: Flim and Flam, win!
: Applejack: We... lost?
: Flim: Daawww... Too bad, Apples!
: Flam: Guess you'll just have to find a new line of work that doesn't match your names quite so... perfectly.
: Flim: Now, should we tear down all these tacky old buildings and put up new ones, brother?
: Flam: I don't see why not, brother. After all, this isn't Sweet Apple Acres anymore. How about... "Flim Flam Fields?"
: Rainbow: I ought to press you into jerk cider!
: Applejack: No, Rainbow Dash. A deal's a deal.
: [Flim and Flam laugh]
: Applejack: Congratulations to y'all. The cider business in Ponyville... is yours. Come on, Apples. Let's go pack up our things.
: Flim: Fear not, everypony! There's more than enough cider to go around!
: [Nopony seems to care about anything except the Apple family.]
: Applejack: Go ahead, everypony. Go on, y'all. It's OK.
: Pinkie: [Cries at the Moment]
: Flam: Drink up, Ponyville! Down the hatch!
: [they drink the disgusting looking brew and spray it back in the brothers' faces]
: Cherry Berry: I can't get the taste off my tongue!
: Bon Bon: Mine's got rocks in it.
: Comet Tail: I wouldn't pay one cent for this dreck!
: Flam: You wouldn't pay even... one cent?
: Everypony: No!
: Flam: How about two cups for one cent?
: Everypony: NO!
: Flim and Flam: Two bits for the barrel?
: Everypony: NO!
: Flam: It looks like we've encountered a slight problem here in Ponyville...
: Flim: Nopony wants our product. Next town?
: Flam: Next town. Let's go, Flim!
: Flim: Let's go, Flam!
: Applejack: They're gone...
: Twilight: That means Sweet Apple Acres is still in business!
: Stallion: Plus, we can have high quality Apple family cider!
: Apple Bloom: Because of this silly competition, we've made enough of our cider for the whole town!
: Applejack:
: Dear Princess Celestia,
:: I wanted to share my thoughts with you. Ahem... I didn't learn anythin'! I was right all along! If you take your time to do things the right way, your work will speak for itself. Sure I could tell you I learned somethin' about how my friends are always there to help me and I can count on them no matter what, but truth is, I knew that already too.
: [credits]