Canada's Post

== Transcript ==
Well, as you may or may not have heard, Canada Post is considering a strike, and is currently in the middle of rotating work stoppages in small towns. The reason I say, "you may or may not have heard," is because no one fucking mails anything anymore, and this is of little importance to the average person under eighty. Seriously! What's gonna happen next, the goddamn telegraph company's gonna stage a walk out? Local Milkmen 309, they're gonna stop delivering? Oh no! I know, I know, many businesses still rely on the mail to send bills, and it's cheaper to send a package Canada Post sometimes than it is by say, UPS or FedEx or whatever else exists, so, I suppose I should take this seriously, and I'm going to, because I fucking hate unions and the greedy fucks who complain in this economy about having a job of any kind, never mind a good one. These money grubbing assholes who require not a shred of education beyond the most basic of literacy and numeracy skills, and some of them don't even have that, judging from some of the mail that ends up in my box, they were offered eighteen dollars an hour to start for new employees, with increases up to twenty-six dollars an hour, or 54 grand a year, plus seven weeks vacation time -- seven weeks! You only have to work a little over ten months a year! -- and they'd also receive their pension. And they're turning it down. Why? Well, one of the major reasons these assholes are striking is because of the sick day plan they have. Imagine this: on top of the obscene amount of vacation time they get, they also get sick days, which, if they don't use each year, they get to bank. They can save 'em up for later, or, apparently, actually cash them in, just say, "Hey, I didn't use these ten sick days last year, please pay me for then, thanks!" And they actually get it! Management at Canada Post thinks that maybe because they're losing money every year since no one actually mails anything in the same way they don't go to the boot black or ride horse and carriage anymore, they should consider getting rid of this absolutely ludicrous perk. But the union thinks, just because they've had it forever, they should get to keep it. Well, guess what you also used to have for the longest time? Jobs! But the union could fuck themselves right out of those when they do end up striking and people realize, "Huh, you know, I can actually get along without Telus flyers and Burger King coupons, and Amazon still ships my shit for dirt cheap, so, fuck it! I'm not gonna use the post office even if they do come back!" Then where will you be? I'll tell you where: at home, waiting for your welfare check to be electronically deposited into your bank account, that's where, and I don't think they pay 50 grand a year. So, Mr. Postman and Postwoman, get back to work, or, when you're all let go because the government says "fuck it" and privatizes mail delivery entirely, you can put your resume in to work for a company that'll pay you about twelve bucks an hour, and give you two weeks vacation and no sick days to walk a longer route, and be expected to move more mail. Or, maybe you think you'll be able to use your incredible skills of being able to walk and put things into a box to work in such other high paying careers as...well...uh...yeah. Exactly.