MKFC

<tabber>
|-|General Info=
|-|User Templates=
</tabber>
Mr. Krabs Fucks Corpses (MKFC) is the 5th episode of NKC's second season. It was released January 28th, 2022, and was written by Locknloaded23.
== Plot==
Struggling financially, Mr. Krabs assumes an interesting pastime for some extra cash.
==Script==
Narrator: previously on NKC…
Plankton: (Reading) “Welcome to Krillanon, a forum dedicated to exposing the truth.” 
Squidward: Well, it's managed to catch MY interest, I dunno about you.
Plankton: (Continuing reading) “The government is tricking the stupid and uneducated masses, and it’s time we rise up. The last election for president of Bikini Bottom? Total fraud.”
Squidward: Now, that’s so ridiculous. Who buys into this crap?
Plankton: Me.
(Fade to Rex at his own house; he is sitting on his rocking chair, with stoic eyes and cracked lips)
Rex: One week. That’s all! Just one week. You can do it, Rex. One week without cocaine. Just one week. The rehab guy said you can do it. Hold in there, buddy. It’s just one week… one week.. One week. One week. One week. One week. One week. One week. One week. One week. One week.
Narrator: And now, for the next episode:
(Fade to Rex in his house, on his rocking chair, very unkempt. He glances at his calendar slowly, sees that it has been 6 days since he has been off of cocaine, then grips his rocking chair)
Rex: YOU. JUST. GOT. TO. LAST. ONE. MORE. DAY.
(Rex agonizingly looks at the clock on the wall, and it seems to slow down with every tick)
Rex: ONLY… ONE MORE… GOD DAMN… HOUR…
(Rex paces back and forth impatiently, waiting for the hour to be up. After a while, it fades to the clock striking Midnight, and Rex out of nowhere becomes stout and happy)
Rex: I DID IT! I WENT ONE WEEK! ONE WEEK! ONE WEEK! (laughs like a maniac, before he collapses on the floor. Zoom in on his face, where drool is dripping out his mouth, and he twitches uncontrollably. He begins coughing, spazzing, and making gibberish noises for a while, until he once again collapses on the floor. He then musters enough strength to lift himself off the floor, and he walks slowly to the front door, opening it. A big grin grows on his face, as the screen fades to Mr. Krabs watching TV in his own apartment)
Krabs: Man, I hate the stupid fucking drivel they show in this town. Don’t they have any good TV shows on these things?
(Mr. Krabs flips through several channels, until he sighs angrily and turns the TV off)
Krabs: Man, sometimes I just hate this town. Absolutely nothing good on the TV, and the seafood restaurants are so morally unethical that it makes me shell crack. Why are there so many damn seafood restaurants in this city? Do the police know of this?
(Krabs suddenly gets a knock on his door. When he opens it, he sees a short man in a business suit)
Krabs: Can I help you?
Man: Hello, I am the owner of this apartment.
Krabs: Yeah, and?
Man: Krabs, you have not paid a single one of your bills.
Krabs: And?
Man: Mister. Eugene Krabs, you need to pay your bills if you want to live here.
Krabs: Well, how was I supposed to know that? And you never told me I had to pay my bills.
Man: We’ve told you several times now, and your response was always “Yeah, I’ll get that for you later.” Hey, I wanted to ask something: which knee is your good knee?
Krabs: Uh… What?
(The landlord takes out a baseball bat and slams it into Krabs’ left knee, making Krabs fall to the floor, screaming in pain)
Krabs: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU????
Man: I’m not fucking around, Eugene. PAY. YOUR. DAMN. BILLS. If you don’t, I will not only take your house, but your right knee as well. You have until next week.
Krabs: (weakly) How much do I owe you…
Man: $600. I expect to see this money by next week. Good day, SIR.
(The landlord slams the door shut as Krabs continues writhing in pain. He eventually stands up and groans in pain)
Man: (opening door yet again, holding a paper) Oh, by the way, this was on your porch. (Gives Krabs the letter as he threateningly holds his bat and slowly creeks the door shut)
Krabs: (weakly opening the letter, reading it) God damnit, it’s the fucking IRS! Those buggers are always asking for my damn money. (Angrily sighs as he falls on his couch. He looks at his watch, and sighs again) Maybe the bank’ll help. I could take out a loan and start a small business, or something.
(Krabs limps out the door.Fade to NKC’s bank. Mr. Krabs is sitting in front of a banker)
Banker: Let me get this straight: You expect to get a loan from us?
Krabs: Yeah, why?
Bankers: Krabs, last time you made a loan, you failed to pay it back. All 3 times.
Krabs: 3? That’s obviously an over exaggeration.
Banker: No, it’s the truth. We won’t hand you loans if you aren’t gonna pay them. Please get out. (Looks at Krabs’ knee) Yikes, did the Landlord get you?
Krabs: Yeah?
Banker: You’d better pay him back, Krabs. SECURITY!
(2 security officers take Krabs off and throws him out)
Krabs: Great. Terrific. Just fucking fantastic all around. Now I’m gonna lose me house and both of me kneecaps, as well as face jailtime. (long angry sigh before punching the ground, stands up and walks off) I might as well just move back to Bikini Bottom, under a new name.
(Krabs continues walking, but following him is a man in a trenchcoat. The man taps Krabs’ shoulder, and Krabs immediately assumes a defensive position)
Krabs: WHO’S THERE? I AM NOT AFRAID TO BEAT A BITCH UP!
Trenchcoat man: Woah, relax! I’m not here to rob you. I’m here to help you.
Krabs: Help? How can you help? I am in so much debt, I-
Trenchcoat man: (putting finger to Krabs’ lips) shhhhhhhhh. Just listen.
Krabs: May I ask who you are?
Trenchcoat man: Keep this between us; I was one of the Bubble-Poppin’ Boys.
Krabs: WHAT?!
Trenchcoat: KEEP IT DOWN! After we were beaten by some yellow guy, we were so embarrassed, we ended the gang. I have no idea where the other guys ended up.
Krabs: And why are you confronting me here?
Trenchcoat: Well, I heard you were having… financial difficulties. And I wanted to… offer you a job for a large sum of money.
Krabs: How much?
Trenchcoat: 10 thousand dollars.
Krabs: HOLY SHIT! WHAT DO I GOTTA DO?
Trenchcoat: You see, I run a… website, where we host videos for people with very specific fetishes. On this website, we have a… necrophilia section. And we don’t have enough necrophiles. This is where you come in.
Krabs: Wait, wait, wait, wait, WAIT! Are you asking me to… fuck corpses? No! No way! That’s way too outlandish even for me! Take your business elsewhere!
Trenchcoat: Don’t forget the money.
(sudden cut to Krabs in an old, dirty apartment; in front of him is a cameraman. Krabs is completely naked)
Krabs: So… I’m cold. Can we get the corpse here quickly? I’m freezing!
Trenchcoat: (dropping corpse to the floor) We’re live in 3… 2…
Krabs: Wait, I know this guy - he refused to pay $10 extra for a Krabby Patty! Oh, I’m gonna enjoy this.
Trenchcoat: (annoyed) Starting over. 3…2…1… You’re live!
(Krabs begin having sex with the corpse; zoom out to show Harold on his computer, watching Krabs completely destroy the corpse. He slams his hand on the lube, and says “This is the best day I’ve ever had.”)
(cut to Krabs dropping the corpse to the floor)
Krabs: Holy fuck, what a thrill! I can see the appeal in this.
Trenchcoat: (Approaching Krabs) Krabs, you were TERRIFIC! You are the best damn necrophile we’ve ever had!
Krabs: When do I get to fuck corpses next?
Trenchcoat: You’re scheduled for tomorrow to fuck another corpse. Keep up the good work! (Drops a pile of money in Krabs’ hand. Krabs pants like a dog as he runs out his door yelling “Wahoo!”)
(Fade to Krabs mailing the IRS his tax returns)
Krabs: And that takes care of THAT. and now for my other problem.
Landlord: (approaches Krab with a baseball bat in hand) So, Krabs… You got my money? (Krabs throws $600 in his hands, and the Landlord is so shocked he accidentally tumbles down the stairs) 
Krabs: Oh my god! Oh my fucking god!
(Krabs runs down the stairs, and sees the Landlord is out cold)
Krabs: I gotta call a doctor, quick! (Krabs sweats in place, when he then gets an idea, looks down at the Landlord, and smiles) I may need preparation for tomorrow’s job… I’m sure nobody will know he’s missing.
(Krabs clumsily drags the body upstairs, and into his apartment. He shuts the blinds. Fade to Squidward and Plankton, on their computer)
Plankton: Squidward, check this out! There’s gonna be a Krillanon rally downtown! In our city!
Squidward: Holy shit! When does it say it’s happening?
Plankton: Tomorrow, at 5:00 PM!
Squidward: Tomorrow? What day is that?
Plankton: January 6.
(dramatic music cue as the episode immediately cuts to black)
Category:2022
Category:2022 Episodes
Category:Episode transcripts
Category:Transcripts
Category:2022 Transcripts
Category:Episodes
Category:NKC
Category:Locknloaded23
Category:Episodes written by Locknloaded23
Category:Smut
Category:2020s