Glamping/Transcript

The following is a transcript for the episode "Glamping".
== ==
(Branch is teaching CJ Suki, Priscilla, and Keith how to play Squish Ball safely. Poppy is sitting with the children.)
Branch: To have playing Squish Ball, you have to do it safely, otherwise you could break a finger, or a nose, or lose an eye, or lose the other eye, or a butt!
Poppy: Branch… they get it. Skip to the demonstration.
Branch: Right. So, to avoid these risks, I’ve dressed Keith here in the appropriate gear. (He walks over to Keith wearing safety gear.) Having fun in there, Keith? (The gear falls down and Keith is gone.) Keith! (CJ Suki and Priscilla gasp and search through the gear. They scream as they pick up the helmet. Keith is seen next to them.)
Keith: Hey. What’s up? (Priscilla and CJ Suki scream in shock.)
Branch: What the…? Keith, why did you take off the safety gear?
Keith: (groans) It was getting all protect-y.
Priscilla: And the color scheme is rudimentary.
CJ Suki: Yeah. And if I wear that thing, how am I supposed to get my dance on?
Both: Wahoo!
Branch: Guys! For the last time, this isn’t about getting your dance on. You know what? The cushy Troll lifestyle has really softened you guys and-
Poppy: OK, let’s thank Branch for another fun safety seminar.
Branch: What are you doing?!
Poppy: Stand down.
Branch: But I’m not the one who’s-
Poppy: (angry) I said stand down, Branch! (Branch grunts angrily.) Now, how about we segue past this awkward moment by talking in a bright voice and eating snacks? (She takes out a basket of berries and CJ Suki feels it.)
CJ Suki: Ew! This berry’s too squishy. (She throws it in Keith’s nose.)
Keith: And too round. Gross!
Priscilla: Uh… Is this organic?
Poppy: Yep. Just picked them from the bush.
Priscilla: Was the bush organic?
Poppy: How can a bush not be organic?
Priscilla: I’ll pass, thanks.
Branch: See? Soft. They need to be toughened up. And I know just how to do it. (He takes out camping gear.) We’re going camping! (He gives the children their camping gear and they groan.)
Keith: Not camping.
Poppy: Guys, camping will be great. I’ll invite Guy. He makes everything fun.
Keith, Priscilla, and CJ Suki: Yay! Guy!
Branch: Ooh. Guy? (We go to the past where he is teaching some Trolls about safety zip lining.)
Past Branch: The safety zip line is only to be used for emergencies. (Guy Diamond jumps in with a radio.)
Past Guy Diamond: Ha-ha-ha! (Her turns on the radio and zip lines to the other side.) ZIP LINE PARTY! (The Trolls cheer while Branch grunts. We go to another flashback where he is showing some Trolls a trap.)
Past Branch: OK, looks like this trap has been sprung. Let’s see what we caught. (It is revealed that Guy Diamond ended up in the cage. He is wearing a blue robe, a necklace, and red sunglasses.)
Past Guy Diamond: CAGE PARTY! (The Trolls dance along with him while Branch grunts. We go to the last flashback where he is in his bunker with some Trolls.)
Past Branch: Remember, only push this fire extinguisher button in case of emergen- (Guy Diamond appears from a door on the floor, sending him flying.)
Past Guy Diamond: EMERGENCY DANCE PARTY! (He presses the button and the Trolls dance as a red light shines in Branch’s bunker.) All right! Yeah! (Sprinklers turn on and spray water while a soaked Branch grunts. We then go back to the present.)
Branch: Uh… (chuckles) How about we keep it simple. Just you, me and the kids? (After 15 minutes of the hike, he stops for a break.) This looks like a great spot for getting back to basics. (The kids groan and crawl on the ground.)
Priscilla: So tired!
Branch: Oh, please! We’ve only been hiking for 15 minutes!
CJ Suki: I’m hot.
Priscilla: I’m cold.
Keith: I’m just right.
Poppy: Come on, guys. It’s not that bad. Yes, we’re gonna rough it a bit, but Branch is gonna show us how to make do without all the comforts of home. Show them, Branch. (Branch kicks a plant and some fruit lands on a stick he is holding. He then grabs a bug and squeezes it, causing it to breath fire and roasts the fruit and eats them.)
Keith, Priscilla, and CJ Suki: Ooh! (Branch jumps out of the bushes and grabs a Grossum. He pulls its nose and it moves like a chainsaw. Then he cuts some wood to make a chair. Poppy and the children get covered in wood pieces.)
Priscilla and CJ Suki: Wow!
Keith: Branch is so cool! (That night, the Trolls are roasting marshmallows at their campfire.)
CJ Suki: Look, y’all, tomorrow I’ll deny it, but right now, camping is dope.
Priscilla: Indubitably.
Keith: Oh, yeah.
Poppy: Branch, it’s working. You got them to like camping.
Branch: Yeah. You know what? You might be right. I uh… (Suddenly, he hears dance music in the distance. He sees some rocks bouncing and the grass shaking.) Oh, no! It’s him! (Guy Diamond’s trailer appears and destroys the tent. Branch’s screaming can be heard. Some bugs shine a light and Guy Diamond comes out.)
Guy Diamond: Hey there, party campers!
Branch: Great. Guy.
Guy Diamond: Tell the forest it’s time to accessorize! (He presses a button and his trailer bedroom appears. It has kitchen equipment, a bed, and a hockey table.)
Keith and Priscilla: Ooh!
CJ Suki: Whoa!
Guy Diamond: (As he dances around his trailer bedroom) I love camping!
Branch: This isn’t camping. This is glamor-camping. Glamping.
Guy Diamond: (gasps) What a delicious term for it. I love glamping!
Keith, Priscilla, and CJ Suki: We do, too! (They dance with Guy Diamond.)
Branch: No, wait, guys! We’re roughing it, remember? I was gonna teach you how to make a whistle from an acorn. (He cuts the top of an acorn and blows on it.) Huh? Pretty cool, right?
Priscilla: That made me sad. (She, Keith, and CJ Suki walk away. After that, Branch hits a leaf with a roast stick and water falls like in a shower. The kids groan.)
Keith, Priscilla, and CJ Suki: Whoa! (They see Guy Diamond in his fancy shower.) Yeah! (They get in the shower and the leaf pours water on Branch as he grunts. Later, Guy Diamond presses a button and DJ Suki appears on top of the trailer.)
Guy Diamond: I love glamping! (The children join him and dance.) All right!
Branch: (grunts) Again?! Guy always sticks his butt in and glitters on anything serious I try to do.
Poppy: OK, I get that. Guy can come on a little strong, but he doesn’t mean any harm. Just talk to him about it. Who knows? Maybe he’ll be really open to roughing it.
Guy Diamond: Everybody, freeze!
Poppy and Branch: Hm?
Guy Diamond: You know what, guys? Maybe we’ve gotten off-track here. We should really be getting back to basics. (Poppy and Branch look at each other.) Hot tub, anyone?!
Poppy and Branch: Huh?
Guy Diamond: Wahoo! (We can see that he is wearing a light yellow floaty with purple dots. He pulls a lever and a hot tub appears.)
Keith, Priscilla, and CJ Suki: YEAH! CANNONBALL! (They jump into the hot tub, sending a wave of water on Branch.)
Poppy: (laughs) Wahoo! (She joins the hot tub fun. Branch uncovers his soaked hair.)
Branch: I’m not gonna let you ruin camping, Guy. (The next morning, Poppy and the children are sleeping outside while Guy Diamond is sleeping in his trailer. Branch walks over to Poppy.)
Poppy: (grunts) Hm?
Branch: Get up. Time to move. Now.
Poppy: What?! What’s wrong?!
Branch: Poison ivy. It’s everywhere! (The children wake up.)
Priscilla: Poison ivy?!
Poppy: Really? I don’t see anything.
Branch: Insta-ivy. Could spring up any second. It’s real. Don’t bother to look it up. (He give Poppy her bag.) Let’s go!
CJ Suki: I’ll tell Guy!
Branch: (Giving the children their bags) I already told him. He said he’ll be right behind us. Go, go, go! (He looks back to see Guy Diamond still sleeping and catches up with the others. After a while, he builds a tent at the new location.) OK. Way to hustle, gang. This looks like a much safer, much more secluded area. (He hears dancing music again and looks through a bush. He sees Guy Diamond’s trailer heading toward him.)
Guy Diamond: (amplified) Fellow glampers, where are you?
Branch: Oh, no! Snakes! Snake everywhere! Run! (The kids scream and run away.)
Poppy: But, Branch… (Branch drags her along.) W-whoa! (The campers run across a log and Branch stays to cut it.)
Branch: Hair-jitsu chop! (The log breaks and he catches up with the others. Soon, the kids are panting.) Did we do it? I think we did it, right?
Poppy: Branch, let’s just call this off. We tried, but it’s time to go home.
Priscilla: I agree with Poppy.
Branch: What? No. Guys, this is gonna be great! Besides, we can go home whenever we want. The village is… uh… (He sees that they are lost.) … that way? I mean, it’s that way. Uh…
Poppy: Branch? You do know the way home, right?
Branch: Well…
Poppy: Are we lost?!
Keith, Priscilla, and CJ Suki: We’re going to be camping forever! (They begin to cry.)
Branch: (Holing a map) No, look, it’s fine. Just, in all the rushing, I got a little confused. But with enough time, I could- (He hears a growling sound.) Huh? (A Muck-Wallower appears from a cave and the kids scream in terror.) Oh, it’s just a Muck-Wallower. They’re industrious but harmless. They’re basically the Branch of the animal kingdom. (chuckles) We’ve got nothing to- (The Muck-Wallower’s tail hits him and he falls into a mud puddle.) … worry about. (The Muck-Wallower growls and he passes out. He soon wakes up with Poppy looking at him.) What the…?! (The camera zooms out and we reveal that the Trolls are stuck in a pit of mud on the wall of a cave.) How did we get here? (The Muck-Wallower comes in the cave.)
Poppy: Well, the Muck-Wallower gave us the prettiest invitation to his house-warming party, so I just had to come. How do you think we got here?! We were captured!
Branch: What does it want with us? Muck-Wallowers don’t eat Trolls. (The Muck-Wallower wipes its muddy fur on the Trolls’ hair.)
Keith: Get off of me!
All: Ew! (The Muck-Wallower goes to his bed and falls asleep.)
Poppy: Oh. He used us to clean himself off. Guess he doesn’t want to go to sleep muddy. Quick! Now’s our chance! (She, Branch, Keith, Priscilla, and CJ Suki get out of the mud by using their hair to grab a rock.)
Branch: Quiet. We don’t want to wake it. (He, Poppy, and the kids sneak to the cave exit.) We’re almost out! (Suddenly, he hears dance music once more and gasps.) Not now! (Guy Diamond’s trailer breaks through the wall of the cave. His laughing can be heard.)
Guy Diamond: Guy Diamond to the rescue!
Branch: Guy, no! We were almost out!
Poppy: You’re gonna wake the- (The Muck-Wallower wakes up and growls as it stomps, causing some rocks to fall. The Trolls run over to Guy Diamond.)
Branch: Well, that’s just great! What are you even doing here?
Guy Diamond: I saw that thing drag you in here. I knew it was my chance to be the… hero!
Branch: Well, you failed.
Guy Diamond: Oh, really, Branch? Could a failure do this?! (He sticks out one of his hands as if he is about to fight.) Hm. Was kind of hoping I’d come up with something to do there.
Branch: See? This is why I was moving the campsite away from you, Guy. Your constant fun-at-all-costs attitude always get in my way.
Guy Diamond: (With tears in his eyes) Aw.
Poppy: Wait. Branch, you were moving the campsite to get away from Guy?
Branch: Yes! I wanted the kids to appreciate what they have by spending some time without all the comforts of the village. And it was working until you “Guy-ed” it all up!
Poppy: Branch!
Keith: Whoa!
Priscilla: Too far!
Guy Diamond: No, it’s OK, gang. Branch, you have to understand, as a Glitter Troll- or should I say, as the Glitter Troll- I’m all about living the high life and being fantastic. But I need to grow, to embrace weird and different things. And there’s nothing more weird and different than you.
Branch: Huh?
Guy Diamond: That’s why I try so hard to impress you.
Branch: Impress me? That’s what all this has been about?
Guy Diamond: Mm-hm.
Branch: Oh. Guess I jumped to the wrong conclusion here. See, I think- (The Muck-Wallower snarls and the kids scream.)
Poppy: OK, awesome reconciliation, you two, but the Muck-Wallower still has us blocked in.
Priscilla: It would seem we’re a luxury he does not want to part with.
Branch: Luxury? That’s it! Guy, I need your glamping gear.
Guy Diamond: You’ve got it!
Branch: And you’ll never get it back. (He runs off.)
Guy Diamond: Wait. What?!
Branch: Too late! (He presses a button on the trailer and a towel appears. The Muck-Wallower watches as the bed and hot tub appear and runs to them. It wipes its fur on the towel, gets in the hot tub, gets in the bed, and goes to sleep. Branch gives it a plate of cookies and it sucks them up.)
Guy Diamond: Well, looks like he’s got nothing to complain about now, thanks to you.
Branch: And you.
Poppy: All right! Now that that’s settled, can we go home now?
All: Yep! (As the others leave, Poppy checks on the Muck-Wallower. It has a blue blanket over it and is holding a light purple teddy bear.)
Poppy: Aw! (She turns off a lamp and the episode ends.)
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