Journal of Jonathon Ramsey Amberfall

==Journal of Jonathon Ramsey of House Amberfall==
===Pg 1- Entry One- S0===
The name of Amberfall will sacrifice, strive and surpass. My ultimate responsibility is to see my name rise. My ultimate responsibility is to see my family ascend. Mother leads us and provides. This duty will fall from her and to me. I do not know if I can live up to her legacy though. I do not know if I can live up to Athena's legacy. In these days of Strife our family has struggled. Their struggle becomes my struggle. If the name is weak, I am weak. Father never believed I was strong enough. He favored Toran because of his strength. Father was wrong. Toran is weak. All one has to do to know this, is look to his face. Father is weak too as he is dead. What power does the views of a dead man hold? None!
Amberfall will rise. Amberfall will surpass by my hands. The Night Mother will bless my hands and as she blesses my hands, the world will eat from them.
Is it selfish to desire to feed the world from my hands? Is this desire about me? Part of me believes this is so but is it? For if I rise, my family rises. The earliest words I recall are sacrifice, strive and surpass. It is the idea of Family First. An idea that is not about one soul but the entire name. My rise, is not my rise. It would be the rise of the entire name of Amberfall.
Amberfall will rise. She will surpass. Amberfall is all I have. Toran will rise. Amy will rise. Radric will rise. The leeches will rise. Mother's name will be remembering 
Toran, my brother is so young. Father foolishly favored him. Rarely do we see eye to eye. I know though that he would never wish ill on me. Toran, my brother may be young and foolish but he is one of my strongest strengths. Toran my young brother will stand with me as the world eats from the hands of Amberfall. 
Amy, my sister is even younger but she understands. She understands the ways of the world and the shadows of the street. She understands the traditions of our fathers restrain us. Amy I believe will be crucial in the rise of Amberfall. With Amy, we turn this age of strife into an Amber age. 
Radric, my dear uncle believes he is due much more than he has. He lays lofty in his bed, in his large corner room at night. He thinks his room makes him better than me? It does not. When I sit at the top of the table, he will see things for what they are. I am Jonathon Ramsay Amberfall and I will guide my name. I hope my dear uncle understands this. His strengths and wisdom are valuable though. As much as it pains me to say it, his experience is needed. 
My actions are driven by seeing my family surpass. My heart aches though. I question if mother truly believes I can lead as I am supposed to. I will prove to my mother that I am worthy to be the next to sit at the top of the table. 
The others who claim my name, the name of Amberfall are leeches and half breeds. They are tools that I will use to bring the name of Amberfall to the pinnacle of this age of strife. I am intrigued by Lousia and Astrid. They are so young and impressionable. I will bend them and I will mold them into my imagine. They will do as I will them. In the end though, Amberfall will rise. Amberfall will surpass. In the end the world will eat from the hands of Amberfall. They will eat from my hands.
===Back of Pg 1- Entry Two- S1===
This day began as many others. As I awoke I dwelled studying math, engineering, stars and gods. As my family celebrates a new king I struggle with questioning why Malkis and Voraci have no children. All the other possible male, female partners between the main gods have children, except Felumbra. Do Malkis and Voraci hate each other? That can't be because they slew all the winter stars together, so they have some type of relationship. Were the winter stars their children? How would that heighten their evilness and chaos if they killed their own offspring? Could they be afraid of what a child between them would do? I don't know. As I wrestled with this thought, my world was shattered.
Guards came into the house with mother. She was attacked and blinded by presumably a warlock with a blue beard and several thugs. Her pack was stolen that was filled with loot from Nixon. She specified that Kel Ruxpin Greendall knew of what was in the pack. I question if the Knight could be behind the matter, she quickly shot this down. I am not so quick to toss this notion aside.
At first I was ready to go and bring these thugs to justice but in her pain, mother left Uncle Radric in charge. Felt like my heart was ripped out. Why doesn't mother believe in me? She turns to her drunk brother over her air, over her eldest son. Why? I do not understand.
As we went to gather info, Amy and I headed towards the northern bad parts of town as Uncle and my little brother headed towards the scene of the crime. Sister and I hit a tavern with little to be gained. However Amy's friends Jack and Jess proved to be of value as they told us of a new gang in town with a member with a blue beard. Amy and I commissioned Jack and Jess to be our eyes and ears and from there we went back to meet up with Uncle and Little Brother.
All of our investigation lead us to the Drowned Rat. Amy and I went in first. Inside we ran into the man with the blue beard. We exited before anything could be done to get Little Brother. Little Brother send Amy to fetch the Sheriff. By the time they arrived the Man with the Blue Beard had run. 
 
I think this may be a slow process. We should have slaughtered the blue bearded man when we seen him. Instead we took Little Brothers way of relying on the authority. Maybe I should do things my way and burn down some houses.
As the night was wrapping up I looked to the stars to gauge the future of my mother. The stars screamed that change was coming in her future. Sharing this with my sister, dear uncle and little brother they scoffed saying it has already come. They do not understand though. The stars weren't speaking of today but the future. Little Brother was concerned more about financial needs. I could care less of the financial needs, for I know in the end, Waadsworth will eat from the hands of Amberfall.
===Pg 2 & Front of Pg 3 - Entry Three- S2===
As many days before, I awoke on this day and my first course of action was giving myself to my studies. It is an escape from the strife of this life. I have given more thoughts to the gods and the questioning why Voraci and Malkis have no children. 
Some would suggest they fear what a child among them would be. I have heard some say Malkis is crazy but not crazy enough to have a child with Voraci. I disagree though. I think if one would refrain from the relation it would be Voraci and not Malkis. Malkis is Chaos. So the idea of Malkis being afraid of what a child would be seems out of character for Malkis as the child could play into the chaos. I think soon I need to stop at the temple and question the clergy on this. I wonder what their thoughts are on this matter. 
My escape through studies though came to a quick end as my shattered world was shattered even more. Mother summoned me, little brother, little sister and dear uncle. She summoned us and informed us that our pursuit of her attackers was over. Instead we were to give ourselves to adventuring, as we had less than a week to meet our families financial needs. 
In the wake of Danny having us shift our focus, Toran was rather uneasy and practically wanted mother to spoon feed us exactly what we should do. It was obviously though that mother wanted us to take initiative and find the answers ourselves. 
Once we had broke away from mother to formulate a plan I was actually pretty excited. I believe I had come up with a great plan. One that would not only bring us wealth but it would do so in an intelligent manner and also create a very powerful alliance for our family moving forward. 
This idea was to go into the centaur village. Go to them and take them a cart full of wine and the only thing in return we would want would be knowledge on where to find wealth safely in the wilds. That and a friendship with these powerful creatures. 
Toran basically scoffed at this proposition and elected to go blindly into the swamp in hopes of finding a goblin encampment. I pointed out that this was not for certain to bring us wealth nor was it safe as we would vastly be out numbered. Nobody listened to my knowledge though. 
They view me as a stupid when in reality I am may be the smartest man they know and maybe the smartest man in this entire god forsaken city. I knew from the start this was a bad idea but it was obvious I was out numbered. So we went into the swamp. 
We quickly ran across a group of goblin hunters. We quickly routed this small group. We did not get out scrape free though as Toran took a pretty nasty blow to the head. This did not derail ambition though. We went further into the swamp. As we journeyed night came and with night, came came. 
Before I fell asleep I looked to the stars to find guidance on my destiny. The stars were silent this night. This brought fear to my heart. Why would the stars not speak this night? Maybe I was just distracted as little brothers scoffing came yet again telling me how useless my search for guidance from the stars is and he pointed out that I would be much more useful if I abandoned the stars and learned to do something productive like healing similar to Susan. 
I ended up falling asleep however my sleep was interrupted as Radric woke us all up. There was a nearby goblin scouting party, numbering ten strong. We quickly began trailing them. We trailed them deep into the early morning. They eventually stopped to rest and eat. We discussed if we wanted to attack. I proposed creating a distraction with fire and as they were distracted we attack. Again Little Brother scoffed and pretty much said this was useless. 
Everything came to blows. Little Brother actually went down. About the same time as little brother went down, the goblins broke off and ran. In the aftermath of Toran going down and the goblins running we set up a small crudely fortified camp on a small peninsula. As Toran was out we discussed what to do next. 
I recommended leaving the swamp and going to Thornwatch Keep and striking an accord there. I knew Toran would oppose. Uncle Radric and Little Sister seemed on board at first. However, when Little Brother finally awoke he strongly opposed, saying nothing would come of that and we had no authority to do such a thing and he pointed out I was not the head of the family. He insisted that we keep marching blindly into the swamp. I strongly opposed this. Again Radric and Amy fell in line with Toran. 
I made it clear, very clear that if we went this route, someone would die. Not only did I make this clear I told little brother when it happened, the blood was on his head. As we tracked through the swamp we ended up coming across a giant slug that was as large as a shack. It's size was monstrous. We have heard tales of giant acid spitting slugs. The value of their acid must be great. So we attacked from far unleashing an onslaught of range attacks on the beast. 
Slowly we hammered into the creature. We were thrown off when we realized that the beast could move at insane speed in the swamp. It was closing on us quicker than we could imagine. As it closed the unthinkable happened. 
Uncle Radric was critically struck by the creatures acid. I watched as he fell into the swamp water with acid ripping into his flesh. Toran rushed in to save Radric but it was doomed from the start as the swamp water around Radric quickly turned into a river of blood. 
I had considered running but could not leave my brother and sister. From far I kept unleashing bolts however the creature unleashed another wave of acid. This one eating into me. The last thing I remember is a burning sensation like nothing I had ever felt and then I was out. 
I have no idea how long I was out. When I arose though we were on our way back to Waadsworth and brother and sister informed me the slug was dead and as was Radric. 
I exploded. I tore into Toran with my tongue. I reminded him of my stance on moving deeper into the swamp and pointed out that I told him someone would die and when it happened the blood was on his head. 
He speaks so passionately about seeing our house surpass everything. With his passion he wants to fiddle with blind swamp expeditions and then after our uncle dies because of him, he abandons the cause and heads back to town knowing our house would be taken from us. I refused to accept this and demanded we change course and head to Thornwatch Keep. Brother refused again pointing out I have no authority. The stakes were too high. I left Toran. I left Amy. As they were returning home, I alone headed to Thornwatch Keep. 
I do not know the way of the nobles. I do not know the mannerism and what is acceptable. What I do know is there is still glory in the name of Amberfall. Glory that will rise and surpass. Glory that will not break. 
I went to Thornwatch. The other nobles made me look and feel like a fool. They mocked the name of Amberfall. However they gave us a month extension on our dues. 
I will silence the mockers. I will surpass them in every way. It is difficult though, because my own family will heed nothing I say. It is time that changes. It is time I take my place. It is time my word becomes law. 
Mother is broken. My time is now. I think Mother and I need to have a talk. She may not believe in me but if I do nothing, I fear more will die.
===Pg 3 & Front of Pg 4- Entry Four- S3===
Shame, fear, anger, rebellion, broken
We gathered around Dear Uncle's coffin. Typically all the nobles attend another nobles funeral. No one came to honor my uncle though. No one came to support my family. I have brought shame on my house.
Returning from the funeral painted on the city walls a displacer beast and lion begging for money. I have brought shame on my house. Shame in whose eyes though? Noble pricks that insult a family in the midst of tragedy. Shame is still shame though and it came at my hands for doing what is right.
As I walked in shame, thoughts flooded my head as I prepared myself for mother's scolding. I am a man. I am tired of being treated like a child. I was sure she was going to lay into me. I was prepared to lash out and say no more. I was prepared to claim rule of Amberfall if she was to accuse me.
At home they all went their own way preparing for mother's called meeting. I went and just waited. Mother came, they all came. There was no scolding. Why was there no scoldings. Why was there no shaming for bringing shame?
Instead talks of going after the Gilgang. Brother wants to bring them to justice. I seen them as a chance to join and grow. One can not tame the world with their own hands. To tame the world, hands must acquire hands. I have no desire to acquire noble hands. Instead black hands. Brother of course resisted these thoughts.
We traveled down river and finally came across the Gilgang. Shockingly brother let me lead and gave me way to speak. As I approached though, my plans backfired. A score of arrows were unleashed. I thought for sure I was good as dead.
Days later I awoke after being out for what seemed like years. My plans backfired. I should have been dead. Brother though rose to the occasion and single-handedly slaughtered the entire Gilgang. Brother and sister single-handedly returned to the city with several Gilang members and myself as I was unconscious. Brother and Sister were received as heroes. I however was a vessel of shame, again.
Brother is a hero. I am shame. Why was I born first. Why has voraci spared me twice. I am a man who aspires for greatest but in my aspiration there is nothing great.
Awaking brother and sister wanted to chat. I wanted the world to be silent. I joined brother and sister as they went to question a Gilgang member. We went to the sheriff's office. I do not know what came over me. I actually rather enjoy sheriff Bruce but I was angry and he became the source of my frustrations as I just hammered into him, belittling him and shaming him. Why am I not a good man?
My darkness arose even more as I beat the gang member with my cane and kicked him again and again until I heard ribs cracking. We wanted information as to where they were staying. He would not break though. So I threatened him. How can you threaten a dead man though? Easy by threatening the things he loves that will be left over. I threatened his family. I threatened his children. I watched my threats break him and he spoke up. How much I enjoyed the treatment of this man scares me.
We got the information we wanted. Outside the furthest of villages in an old run down barn, which is the location of the Gilgang hideout. It was over a day's journey. On the journey we made refuge in another village at a noble estate. It turned my stomach to stay there. We stayed with the filth that would not pay homage to our dear uncle. It took everything for me not to strike the entire family as they slept. I knew I could not be around these people so when dinner came, I refused. I would have loved to of been at that table but I knew I could not. I am sure brother made friends though. Why Martha allowed me to be the first born I will not understand. Maybe she lost a bet with Malkis. 
Our journey moved forward. The next morning we were at our destination. As we arrived in Stratburn, Kel Elissa the overseer of the land approached. Knights and nobles I have grown to hate but there was something different about her. Her heart. It was not the black I have seen in the rest of the world. It was good. She spoke of praying. She spoke of protecting. She spoke of the people. I have grown to see good only as my brothers naiveness. Maybe there is actually good in the world. This Kel Elissa resonates with me. I want to know her more. I want to know if she is good or if what I saw was fake. If there is good, can I be good? Or am I eternally cursed by voraci?
As I wrestled with the notion of being good, I was reminded I am not good. We found the hideout of the Gilgang. Sister was ambushed and brother, the hero dove in to save her. There was this moment were I considered running or even hiding while brother did all the work. As I wrestled with this the thought came, what if brother and sister died. To be honest, I didn't care. It was not the fear of losing them that made me rush in. It was the fear of brother looking at me with shame if I did not. However, as I joined the fray sister went down as she was stabbed by a short sword. In that moment adrenaline took over and Amy was all i cared about.
We conquered. Or well Toran conquered. We now find ourselves on our way home. I look to tired Toran. I look to unconscious Amy. I want to do right by them. I want to be a hero. I want to be a good man. I want to be a man that my family will love. I want to be a man my mother is proud of.
I am a man that does what is wrong. I am no hero, instead I am the monster children fear. My heart is black and if my family seen it's vile for what it really is, they would surely disown me. I am nothing to be proud of. Instead I am a shameful plague. I want to believe what I seen in Kel Elissa is real. Even if it is real, I know it is nowhere inside of me. Maybe Amberfall would be better without Jonathan Ramsey.
===Pg 4 - Entry 5 - S4===
Amy Amberfall awakens in the Frogman Village in the swamp were she has been out cold for multiple days as the race of frog men tend to her wounds. When she awakens instantly she feels clinched in her hands a piece of paper. She unfolds the piece of paper which was torn out from the journal of his eldest brother Jonathan Ramsey of House Amberfall. She unfolds the paper and begins to read the following. 
"My dear sister let me start by saying you are beautiful and amazing. I love you with all the love there is in my cold and black heart. If you are reading this..... I am dead. 
Fear not. 
It is okay. 
I chose you my dear sister. I died not a monster but a good man. A Man of virtue. 
After you went down we had to keep pushing. I think Toran and I knew it was unwise but our hands were forced. We had no choice. 
I do not want to go into great detail but as we pushed Toran gave his life so that we could live. My brother was my greatest rival but he was the greatest man I ever knew. My morality has been questioned so much through the years. I believe the questioning of my morality stems solely from how pure his heart was. No heart compares in virtue to the heart of our brother. 
I watched Toran fall so that we could live. In that moment though I faced a choice. I could have abandoned you and saved myself. Or I could have attempted to save you as well and put myself in danger. I chose you. 
With you secured on saddlebags we tried to flee the treat that devoured our brother. It come obvious though that we could not escape together. I faced another choice. One we die together, Two I sacrifice you so I can live or three I sacrifice myself so that you possibly may live. 
Again.. I chose you my dear sister. I did so for multiple reasons. 
One, it is what is best for the family. The world looks at me with disdain and they see my blackness. It cannot be hidden. You though, when the world sees you, they see a beckon. The same light that was in our grandmother and our mother is what is in you. 
My second reason, you are my greatest joy and my dearest friend. The world questions my morality and I question it as well. In a world were I am without you because I sacrificed you so I could live, that is a world I do not want to be apart and the man who would do such a thing is a man I refuse to be. 
My dear sister, in my death I ask you to do a couple things. You must make a promise to me. Promise me you will never return to the wilds again. The Amberfall banner was founded on adventuring. However what we once were, it has become apparent we are no longer that. 
I also need you to promise me that you will attend every party there is. Dance every chance you have. Live and love life in every moment. Take a ride on every fishing boat on the docks and if no one is looking, I won't judge you if you off one of the fishermen. As Toran, Radric and myself look down on you from heaven I will tell Toran to look away if you off one of the fishermen and when he tries to spue his judgement I will tell him if my little sister wants to off a fisherman then she will off a fishermen. I love you my dear sister. 
Our best bet is in you. Not because of adventuring skills but because of the way the world adores you. You must marry and you must do it quick. It is our only hope my dear sister. 
I love you. Do not fear. Be strong. Be courageous. I am always with you. Toran is always with you. Uncle Radric is with you. 
Radric, Toran and I have sacrificed for you, for our banner. 
Now you must Strive. 
In the end I have no doubt my dear sister, you will surpass and Waadsworth will eat from your hands. 
Your loving Brother, Jon"
Category:Lore