Memory Chipped

Memory Chipped is the second episode of the second season of Better Days, and the 15th overall.
==Plot==
Betty loses her glasses once again, so Mr. Krabs and Shicowa make sure she never loses anything again… by implanting a memory chip into her head.
==Transcript==
===Act I===
[Episode begins with an exterior shot of the Retirement Complex, cut to an interior shot of Betty’s room. She is seen searching for her glasses.]
BETTY: No… no… nope… nada… how did I misplace those glasses anyhow?
[Mr. Krabs walks into Betty’s room.]
KRABS: Need help there?
BETTY: Nope. I just lost my glasses again, that’s all.
KRABS: Seriously, Betty? That’s the fifth time this week!
BETTY: [Apologetically] It’s part of being old.
KRABS: I’m older than you, yet I still remember when I got me first dollar in great detail.
BETTY: I forgot what color a dollar was.
KRABS: [Sighs] They’re green, Betty.
BETTY: Oh.
KRABS: My point is, there’s no excuse in forgetting your glasses every goddamn day.
BETTY: Well, sorry. I can’t help it.
KRABS: Trust me, you can.
BETTY: How?
KRABS: [scratching his head] I dunno, you could get some medication, maybe? Hmm?
BETTY: There’s a medication for forgettin’? (five second pause) I forget, is there?
[Mr. Krabs facepalms]
[Cut to Muriel, at a coffee shop, alone at a table with a cup of coffee]
MURIEL: [sighs] I wish I could have a mate. It seems like everyone in town has one. Even Walter had one at one point, but his overdosing caused that divorce. Maybe I should start looking for one.
[She approaches a random tall man]
MURIEL: Hey sexy, can I touch your nip-
[She gets slapped right across the face, leaving a huge red mark]
MAN: Weirdo! Go pick on someone your own size!
MURIEL: Alright, fine!
[She exits the coffee shop with her coffee, and heads back to the retirement home]
MURIEL: Maybe that wasn’t the best idea. [Thinks for a moment] I got it, I’ll work out! Men like that, don’t they?
[We fade to black, end of Act I.]
===Act II===
[3 Seconds pass. Fade from black beginning Act II, we cut to a shot of Shicowa snoring loudly on his couch. Mr. Krabs enters his room and wakes him up by shaking him]
SHICOWA: Uhh… is that you, Pringles? 
KRABS: What the heck is a Pringles?
SHICOWA: Never mind.
KRABS: Anyway, Betty lost her glasses again.
SHICOWA: Again? Seriously, Betty? [shouts towards Betty’s room] Quit forgettin’ everything, you old hag!
BETTY: [in her room, voice muffled] I’m not an old bag! I’m a lady!
SHICOWA: Whatever. Geez, she was the smart one around here for the past few months, and now she’s dumb again. Is this some vicious cycle of hers?
KRABS: I dunno. You’re asking the guy who never heard of Pringles.
SHICOWA: Either way, we need to do something about her forgetfulness.
KRABS: [in an exaggerated voice] But how?
SHICOWA: [in an exaggerated Squidward voice] We need some wheels.
KRABS: Don’t worry, I got just the thing.
SHICOWA: Medication?
KRABS: Hell, no. You want her to end up like Walter?
SHICOWA: [shudders] Anything but that.
KRABS: Then what shall we do?
SHICOWA: I dunno. Maybe, umm… implant a chip into her head?
KRABS: That’s genius!
SHICOWA: Yeah! Let’s do it!
[Cut to Muriel in her room watching an exercise video]
EXERCISE MAN: Now let’s work on those legs! With some push-ups!
MURIEL: Oh, god.
EXERCISE MAN: Let’s go! Down.
[Muriel attempts to do a push-up, but falls to the floor]
EXERCISE MAN: One. Down. Two. Down. Thre-
[Muriel turns off her TV]
MURIEL: [panting] I can’t do this. I need to find another way to get a mate. [thinks for a moment] I know, I’ll use Fin-der!
[She gets on her phone and gets the app]
MURIEL: Time to create my profile. Hehehe.
[She goes onto Giggle and looks up “sexy girls” on the image search, and finds the one she wants to use]
MURIEL: Catfishing is great.
[Time Card: Two hours of catfishing later]
MURIEL: [gasps] I have 300 matches already! Goddamn! I guess I gotta find the guy I like best.
[Time Card: One hour of swiping later]
MURIEL: I think I got carpal tunnel now. But it’s definitely worth it. I found the love of my life. [swoons] Brady.
[Notification sound plays]
MURIEL: He’s texting me! He’s actually texting me! I gotta respond.
ON MURIEL’S PHONE:
BRADY: hey baby, whats up?
MURIEL: nm u?
BRADY: nm. We should meet sometime
MURIEL: ye. Where tho
BRADY: the coffee shop
MURIEL: kk
IN REALITY:
MURIEL: Does he even know where I live? Oh yeah, I forgot I put it in my bio. I’m so damn excited! This is the peak of my life!
[Cut to Shicowa at “Chips ‘R Us, Plus a Bunch of Other Computer Crap” [yes, those exist around here] to buy a memory chip]
SHICOWA (at the front desk): Do you guys happen to have any memory chips?
CHIP STORE CLERK: Of course. We have plenty.
SHICOWA: Good.
CHIP STORE CLERK (holds out a memory chip): That’ll be five dollars.
SHICOWA: That’s cheap. (pulls out the cash) Here you go, ma’am.
CHIP STORE CLERK: Thank you for your service.
SHICOWA: I’m not a war veteran, but you’re welcome either way.
(Cut to Shicowa back in the retirement home)
KRABS: You got the chip?
SHICOWA: Right here.
KRABS: Okay, then. Now we just have to somehow get it inside her head.
SHICOWA: Relax, Eugene. I have a lot of experience with operating on people.
KRABS: If you say so.
SHICOWA: Just let me do my thing.
(Shicowa tiptoes into Betty’s room, where she is snoring very loudly. He grabs a scalpel, and the scene shows Mr. Krabs gagging as Shicowa opens her up and implants the chip into her brain. Shicowa walks out of the room.)
SHICOWA: A job well done.
(Mr. Krabs sprints toward Betty’s bathroom and throws up in the toilet)
KRABS: Anyway, what now?
SHICOWA: All we have to do now is wait.
[End of Act 2]
===Act III===
[Beginning of Act 3]
[Muriel is at the coffee shop, waiting for Bradley to show up]
ON MURIEL’S PHONE:
MURIEL: where u at
BRADY: im at the coffee shop
MURIEL: i dont see u anywhere
BRADY: i dont see u either
MURIEL: take a pic
BRADY: [sends image of random guy taking a selfie]
MURIEL: u sure thats u
BRADY: positive
MURIEL: liar show me what you really look like
BRADY: fine
BRADY: [sends image of him giving the middle finger]
MURIEL: screw you we’re over
BRADY: you’re just some old hag anyway
MURIEL: no u
BACK TO REALITY:
MURIEL: [lays her head down on the table she’s sitting at, tears streaming onto the table]
[Maja walks into the coffee shop and sees Muriel crying]
MAJA: Muriel, are you okay?
MURIEL: Not at all. Brady just broke up with me.
MAJA: Lemme guess, Fin-der?
MURIEL: Yeah.
MAJA: Never trust people on Fin-der, you know. Crap like that happens on a daily basis.
MURIEL: You and Adam have a loving relationship. What’s it like?
MAJA: It’s not as good as you may think. Yeah, it’s great to have a partner, but they can have some serious flaws in them.
MURIEL: Oh.
MAJA: Some people find it best to be single.
MURIEL: I guess. 
(Three hours later, Betty wakes up. When she stands up, she feels strange)
BETTY: My brain feels weird. Something’s up with me. Oh, well. I’m old anyway, so I might as well deal with it. Wait a minute. What did Mark say 457 days earlier at 12:05 pm? *gasps* He said that I was a… retard! I gotta get revenge on him!
[She enters Shicowa’s room and slaps him right in the face]
SHICOWA: Ow! What was that for?
BETTY: For calling me a retard 457 days earlier at 12:05 pm.
SHICOWA: How the hell did you know that?
BETTY: I dunno.
SHICOWA: Hold on a second. (Sprays stuff all over Betty, making her pass out)
(Shicowa once again opens up her head, making Mr. Krabs unconsciously go into Betty’s bathroom and puke again)
SHICOWA: Whoa. I didn’t know how old her brain was. There’s literally cobwebs in this brain! I think I know how to cure alzheimer’s once and for all. I’m gonna be famous. I’m gonna change the world! (closes her brain, making Betty conscious again)
KRABS: Yeah, yeah. Whatever, Mark-o.
SHICOWA: No, really. I gotta submit this. I’m gonna be filthy rich! Woo-hoo!
KRABS: How can old people be geniuses anyway? They’re too fat and slow and… fat.
BETTY: [suddenly becoming overweight] Say what now?
KRABS: Nothing, nothing. Anyway, you can’t change the world, Mark.
Shicowa: Yes I can, dumbass! [runs over to the post office to send a letter] I’m gonna be stinkin’ rich!
KRABS: This won’t end well.
BETTY: Yeah. He called me fat! (eats celery)
[Cut to Muriel on her laptop]
MURIEL: I’m gonna find out where that jerk is hiding, then I’m gonna get my revenge.
[She types stuff on the laptop]
MURIEL: Found him. Living 70 miles ahead. Hoo boy this is gonna be a long trip
[Title Card: 70 painstakingly long miles of driving later]
[Muriel finally stops the car where Brady lives]
MURIEL: This is it. The moment of truth. And revenge.
[She rings his doorbell]
[Brady opens the door. Muriel lays a package on the rug and quickly hides in a bush]
BRADY: Um, hello? [looks at package] Looks like the Picon I ordered. Finally! [opens package to see a rabid Walter inside]
[Walter jumps out, making frothing noises]
BRADY: [screams at the top of his lungs] AAAAAAAHHHH! A crazy person!
[He runs into his car and drives away]
WALTER: [giggles] I knew I could scare him.
[Muriel pops out of the bushes]
MURIEL: I knew you could help.
WALTER: [laughs] No charge, m’lady.
(cut to Shicowa over at the post office. He quickly sends in the letter sent to the President, then he leaves)
(cut back to the retirement home)
SHICOWA: (sarcastically) Did you change the world?
KRABS: Not just yet.
SHICOWA: Welp, too bad. Guess you won’t become famous.
KRABS: Not just yet, Mark! We need patience.
BETTY: From past things you’ve done, I’d say you’re the opposite of patient.
KRABS: Shut up, Betty! Anyway, I say we wait for something to happen.
SHICOWA: Like that’ll happen.
KRABS: Just wait. Hold on, I gotta use the bathroom. (exits room)
BETTY: I say we make a fake news segment so he believes he actually did something.
SHICOWA: Genius! I knew old hags could do stuff!
[Time Card: One Week Later]
SHICOWA: Anything happen yet?
KRABS: Not yet.
SHICOWA: Face it, Eugene, nothing will happen.
BETTY: Wait! Look at the TV!
NEWS ANCHOR [SHICOWA]: Breaking news! Memory chips for the elderly will be available in stores today! These memory chips can be implanted into someone’s head in order to make them… uh…. Less… dumb? 
[indistinct muttering] 
NEWS ANCHOR [SHICOWA]: Oh, yeah. Anyways, this will change the world! 
[Betty pauses]
BETTY: So what do you think?
KRABS: I TOLD YOU SO! (shakes his ass in front of Shicowa and Betty)
SHICOWA: Should we tell him?
BETTY: Definitely not. It’s better for him not to know.
SHICOWA: Agreed.
KRABS: I CHANGED THE WORLD! I’M A GAME CHANGER, WOO HOO! IN YOUR DAMN FACES, OLD HAGS! WOO-HOO!
SHICOWA: Isn’t the bleach in that cabinet over there?
BETTY: Walter drank it all.
SHICOWA: Uh oh. [Darts over to Walter’s room] Don’t drink the yellow bleach, Walter! It’ll get ya killed!
SALESMAN ON TV: Don’t drink bleach! Drink Drain Cleaner!
[Betty giggles, Scene fades to black as episode ends.]
==Appearances==
*Eugene Krabs
*Mark Shicowa
*Mr. Richards
*Sheldon Plankton
*Betty Grayson
*TBD
==Trivia==
*TBD.
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