Wizard 16

Chapter 16
Chapter 16 opens with Innkeeper coming through Richard's door in the middle of the night. Richard does not, in fact, kill him with no questions asked (Innkeeper did knock first). It turns out that a pair of good-looking blonde men, one with his arm in a sling, have come to the Nameless Inn looking for Kahlan: “they started asking about a woman that sounded a lot like your lady here. Except she isn't wearing a while dress like they described.”
o_õ
She isn't? When did this happen? What's become of the awesome Teflon wedding dress?
Anyway, a fight started between the Ogling Mountain Men and the Blonde Boys, and now a bunch of people are dead, including one one of the Blondies, and Our Heroes have to flee. Richard ends up having to fight the Mountain Man who ogled Kahlan last night, and beats him unconscious with the flat of his sword.
Then, this happens: “Richard bent down and clasped hands with [Innkeeper's Son] and thanked him earnestly, then pointed angrily at [Innkeeper].
“ 'You! I want you to add everything to your tally book. Including all the damage, all of your time and trouble, even the grave markers. I want you to add a fair fee for saving our lives. If the council doesn't approve payment, you tell them that you saved the life of the brother of the First Councilor, and Richard Cypher said if they don't pay, I'll personally have the head of the man responsible and I will put it on a pike on the front lawn of my brother's house!'
“[Innkeeper] nodded and laughed over the sound of the rain.” 
So, let's see here...Richard tells Innkeeper to charge Michael for things that are clearly not his responsibility, including grave markers for both random mountain men and foreign assassins \
~/. This money will undoubtedly be used to line Innkeeper's pockets. Oh, and toss in “a fair fee for saving our lives,” whatever amount that is. Richard then threatens to gruesomely murder any councilor who objects to his irrational orders and display his severed head before the town \~/. And to top it off, Innkeeper either finds extortion and death threats to be hilarious, or is trying to placate the deranged maniac in his courtyard until he is safely away.
And then Richard points to the man he just beat unconscious, and we get this charming bit: “ 'The only reason I didn't kill this man is because he killed a man worse than himself, and in so doing may have unwittingly saved Kahlan's life. But he is guilty of murder, intent to murder, and intent to rape. I suggest you hang him before he wakes.'
"[Innkeeper] looked up at him with hard eyes. 'Done.' ” 
Umm...Richard? If you think the man deserves death, then freaking kill him. Don't wimp out and order someone else to do your dirty work. “This man deserves death, but I'm too merciful to kill him, so you do it!” It's called “responsibility.” You're a fantasy hero; act like one! \~/\~/
As Richard and Kahlan ride off, Innkeeper salutes him as the Seeker. Okay, what gives? So far, Richard has made a few reckless threats and beaten a man unconscious. That marks him as the Seeker? Is Innkeeper Just That Special that he knows this? Does Richard have “Seeker” tattooed on his forehead? \
~/
(grumble grumble)
They ride on. Richard angsts about losing Zedd, although Chase's imminent demise doesn't seem to bother him nearly as much. One less bandit king, I guess.
They come to a Speshul Magic Forest, which feels “somehow sacred” (there's that word again). “Rain floated down in quiet reverence for the forest...” how exactly can rain be reverent? It's water that falls from the sky. “Reverence” implies a conscious mind, which rain isn't...is it? Maybe it's thousands of tiny water elementals. Sure, we'll go with that.
“[Richard] understood why the men from the inn wouldn't come up here; their foul presence would be a violation.” Now we're outright dehumanizing the Horny Mountain Men, referring to their “foul presence” as though they were orcs or demons or something. Also, since when have foul things (such as orcs or demons) hesitated to violate sacred things? Isn't that one of the hallmarks of a foul, unholy creature? This is just clumsily worded and confusing; I think I understand what Mr Goodkind intended, but I have to think about it for a bit.
We come to a Quaint Forest Cottage and there is a tall, old woman standing in front of it. She has one foot and completely white eyes (why must all blind people in fiction have completely white eyes?). This proves to be Adie, the bone woman. Adie speaks to Kahlan in a language Richard doesn't know (I stand corrected...slightly), and:
“It had been a greeting. A greeting of deference. Richard hadn't recognized the words Kahlan or Amnell anywhere in it. The fine hairs on the back of his neck stiffened.
“Kahlan had been addressed by title.” 
Yes, because if my name is Steve and a Spanish-speaking person addresses me as Esteban, clearly, I have been addressed by title. \~/ Or if my name is Robert and someone calls me Bob. Or if someone uses my middle name instead of my first.
Adie plays a little game where she responds to Richard's statements by saying either “True,” or “Lie!” After catching him in a “lie” in a rather pointless way, they FINALLY bring the unconscious-and-probably-dying Zedd and Chase indoors.
The inside of Adie's Quaint Cottage is covered with bones: bones on the wall, bones on the mantle, bones stacked in the corners. The bones make Richard feel “as if he [is] in the belly of a dead beast.” Because...bellies are bony? Bellies are dry and desiccated? Sorry; no. \~/
Adie fondles Richard's stomach o_0 and declares: “ 'The righteous rage of a true Seeker. Good.' She looked over to Kahlan. 'You have nothing to fear from him, child. It be the anger of truth. It be the anger of the teeth. The good need not fear it.' ” 
This is just plain WRONG. Remember what Zedd told Richard about the Seeker's powers, way back in Chapter 10? Here, I'll reprint it for you.
“Reality isn't relevant. Perception is everything. If you think it is the enemy, you can destroy it, whether true or not. The magic interprets only your perception. It won't allow you to harm someone you think innocent, but it will destroy whoever you perceive to be the enemy, within limits. Only what you believe, and not the truth of your thoughts, is the determining factor.” 
It doesn't MATTER if Richard's anger is “the anger of truth” (whatever the hell that means). It doesn't MATTER if you're good, bad, or ugly. The only thing that matters, the ONLY THING, is Richard's perceptions. If Richard believed that an innocent baby was evil, he would slaughter that baby. If Richard believed that Hitler was innocent, he COULD NOT HARM HIM. This was made VERY clear. ONLY PERCEPTION MATTERS.
\
~/\~/
>_<
\~/\~/
Anyway...Adie then feels up Kahlan's stomach and informs us all that she is five months pregnant...sorry, that she possesses “the anger of the tongue.” Demonstrating an understandable impatience with pointless riddles, Richard demands to know what that means. Adie touches his shoulder and gives him a hallucination...okay, a vision. He sees himself in the Nameless Inn, ready to slaughter all the Horny Mountain Men, and then he sees Kahlan use her words to avert bloodshed. Apparently “anger of the teeth” is a confusing way of saying “physical violence,” and “anger of the tongue” means “words.” \
~/
By the way, remember when Innkeeper said that the people of Southhaven were suspicious of Adie? Remember how that was all silly superstition? So far, we've seen Adie:
*Stand in the rain and not get wet;
*Identify a wizard, seeker, and mind vampire by sight and stomach-grope;
*Tell truth from lies with perfect accuracy;
*Induce visions by touch.
She also:
*Has totally white eyes, yet maneuvers as easily as a sighted person;
*Lives in a house crammed with thousands of bones for no perceptible reason;
*Lives alarmingly close to a giant WALL OF DEATH! that periodically disgorges man-eating monsters.
Nope, nothing to be alarmed about here. Boy, those Southaveners sure are dumb and superstitious, aren't they? 9_9 \~/
So Kahlan has “the true power of the tongue,” but didn't know it and doesn't know how to use it. I could make all sorts of bad jokes about now, but I'm better than that. Adie apparently knew Kahlan's mother. It's emotional. And boring.
Richard suggests that, now that the family remembrance is over, perhaps Adie could consider helping the two dying men on her floor? She tells him that they're fine – it will take them several days to recover, but they'll live unless they die of thirst. She wakes them up with a magic bone rattle full of dried eyeballs so they can drink, then puts them back to sleep. Why dried eyeballs? I don't know. It's creepy, I guess.
I'm beginning to suspect Adie is a goth.
Adie and Kahlan start doing girly stuff – cooking and talking and all that – so Richard chops firewood. He passes the time by pretend-murdering.
“To amuse himself, he imagined the wood was Darken Rahl's head as he brought the axe down. For variation he sometimes imagined it to be a [Fish]. When the piece of wood was particularly tough, he imagined it to be the [Horny Mountain Man's] head.”
Yes, nothing's more amusing than smashing my enemy's head open, over and over again. Or at least, the head of a guy I've been told is my enemy, and the head of a guy who ogled the girl I'm horny for once. And whom I had put to death. \~/
Zedd and Chase will take several days to recover, so Richard has to decide whether to wait for them or press on without them. Of course he decides to press on, because caution isn't dramatic or exciting. 
End chapter.
Drinks: 14
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