Day 181-190/Day 188/Sidestory: A Certain Solitude Youth's POV

Day 188/Sidestory: Ringleader's POV (Future commander of the [Solitude] Corps of Parabellum)
Just until recently, I did not have dreams about the future. 
After all, getting enough food just for the day poses difficulty, and it only gets more difficult as the capital city gets colder by the day.
Finding someone you talked to yesterday dead in the morning is nothing unusual, and that is why I did everything I had to in order to survive. However, that unreasonable way of living has a limit, and I found out the hard way.
To live we stole, get caught, and dragged to a back alley, we get beaten by several adults.
Kicks without restraint struck my whole body. I had no choice but to wait for it all to wrap up.
I thought that I would die before it ended.
However, perhaps I stink because I was washed with gutter water the day before, I lucked out when it ended sooner than usual.
I didn’t die from the beatings. Even though my whole body hurts, I didn’t die yet.
But, it won’t be far off, before I die like the others.
But, on that day, my destiny took a turn.
There’s tasty food.
There’s a safe place to sleep.
There’s nice clothing that has been washed.
There’s weapons to defend ourselves with.
And more than everything else, there’s someone who offered us protection.
It was like a dream, although of course nothing came without a price.
What was needed, was us ourselves.
Doing what we are told, with our given roles was requested.
The daily training we were assigned was hard.
For us who hadn’t had enough to eat, the training was almost unbearable.
But, we endured it. Endured and endured and endured, we clenched our teeth and continued training.
And the day we see the results came.
At the forest an hour’s walk from the capital.
Today we headed for it. This time the Commander's with us too, everyone was fired up.
The Commander was our saviour. Without the Commander, half of us would have died.
The first time we met the Commander was scary, but we found out this place was warm, we couldn’t imagine anywhere else.
I don’t know what the others think, but at least, I want to protect this warm place.
That’s why I wanted to become power for the Commander who taught us how to live, who gave us a place to belong to.
Even as little as it is, something that is as good as nothing, I thought I wanted to be of help. I thought I wanted to be useful.
As I reconfirmed those feelings, we formed parties of 4 under the Commander’s instructions, and dived into the forest.
Even though we were taught in our training, walking in the unaccustomed forest was difficult.
On top of that the monsters that appeared went after our lives without mercy, it was very scary. I thought I’d start shaking if I let down my guard.
But, I brought up my courage and thrust out my short spear.
The monster that attacked — the Blade Rabbit’s fur split, pierced muscles, and torn organs gave a unique feel.
And I felt when the spear had luckily pierced through the heart, the feeling of life slipping through.
As I looked down to the dying Blade Rabbit what I felt was not the guilt of stealing a life, but rather a strong sense of accomplishment.
It was the certain feeling of me who was weak and only to be used, getting stronger.
Little by little, but steadily, becoming stronger. Still a far away dream, but I want to become useful to the Commander someday. That's my goal. That's why, for now, I focused on killing one monster at a time.
It's not an exceptional result, but the road's still long. I found a dream I didn't have before and there's many thing I want to do now as well.
The despair from back then, it feels like a memory already. Right now, I only need to walk forward with a single purpose.
*Believer candidate. Future executive candidate.
*Please be careful with raising this child.
*Secured a promising force for the future.
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Day 188 == Day 188 Sidestory A Certain Solitude Youth's POV == Day 189
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Category:Novel
Category:Re:Monster Volume 5
Category:Sidestories