Advice No One Asked For - Number Seven/Transcript

Advice No One Asked For - Number Seven is the seventh episode of Buckley's "Advice No One Asked For" series. It is available as an audio file on his website (in the "Supplements" section), as well as on YouTube.
Description (as seen on the website): I help a young lad who's having trouble with the gals...because they think he's into men.  It's a case of mistaken sexuality in this "Advice No One Asked For".
Description (as seen on YouTube): A favourite segment of mine returns to A Dose of Buckley.  It's "Advice No One Asked For"!  This time around, I try and help out a guy who's having a bit of an issue with a case of mistaken sexuality, whether he wants my help or not.
==Transcript==
(introduction music playing during the following paragraph)
Welcome again to "Advice No One Asked For", where I "borrow" a question originally meant for another advice-giving knob, and answer the question, whether someone wanted me to or not.  I'm gonna guess that most people would go for the latter, but, tough shit.  Today's question comes from a man who's not comfortable with the way people view him, because apparently, he looks like a pusscake.
Dear not Buckley,
I'm straight, but women (and men) sometimes think I'm gay.  I'm 24, and have what some describe as "pretty boy" features.  Apparently, I also have gay mannerisms.  I also dress well, and, frankly, care about grooming.  Is there something I can do to become more masculine?  Are there masculine traits or hobbies I could adopt?
Signed...let's call him, "Metro in Missisauga'.
Well Metro, perhaps if you curbed your excitement for new episodes of Grey's Anatomy, and quit calling all your buddies at work "girlfriend", that'd help.  But I'm guessing the real problem here is that, ultimately, you're not getting laid enough, because chicks don't think they have the equipment to satisfy your throbbing hard cravings. While raping any chick that thinks this while shouting, "I'll show you how gay I am!" would quickly fix these misconceptions, there's a lar to that type of behaviour would break.  So here's what you do.  Let them think you're gay.  Then, invite one of the single gals over for a movie on a Friday night, something romantic, but you'll laugh it off as ironic for a gay guy and a straight girl to watch it together - gay guys love irony.  Then you say, "You know, I've always wondered what it would be like to have sex with a woman.  We're friends, you're single, it's Friday night..." The psychology behind this is, the girl will think she can convert a gay guy, and what chick doesn't want a boyfriend who will go shopping with them, and let them choose the TV shows they watch?  So, you bang the Christ out of her, leave her, and try it again the next week with another one.  Or, keep making the first one think she's converted you, so that you can bang her some more.  Either way, your balls are deep in fresh vag, AND, it doesn't matter that people think you're gay, so you can keep being a prissy little fruit when it comes to your frosted hair and pink shirts.  
(introductory music playing)
I'm Buckley, and you're welcome.