Return of the Living Frenemy

----Scott and Duke at the Park
DUKE: I can't believe my sister invited my old friend Clint to Emi's Lifeday Party. (DULLY) The only life-ly thing Clint ever did for me is throw me a "Just Die Already!" party.
[background laughter]
SCOTT: I thought you said he was your friend.
DUKE: He is if you call a friend someone who pushes you in a swamp.
SCOTT: Doesn't sound so bad.
DUKE: This is different. One word: Alligators!
[background laughter]
Anyway, besides Clint, I've got bigger fish to fry.
SCOTT: Duke! (GASPS) I never thought you'd be the one to make a racist comment about fish!
[background laughter]
DUKE: Yuh-huh . . . Look, Scott since I'll be handling my "Holo-Clint"—
[background laughter]
I need you to watch the guys. Please.
SCOTT: Why me? You know I have my own childhood friends to attend to. [CRICKETS CHIRPING]
[background laughter]
DUKE: (TO HIMSELF) Apparently, the insects don't mind being racist.
SCOTT: (SIGHS) Alright, I'll do it. But don't blame me if one of them gets eaten by a Mongolian Vertebrate Parasite.
[background laughter]
DUKE: Is that a bug or a virus?
[background laughter]
----
[ theme song ]
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
C.B.S!
C.B.S!
C.B.S!
It's more like a blockparty than a school
C.B.S!
C.B.S!
But my friends keep on breakin' every rule
C.B.S!
C.B.S!
My whole life is different
Changing its sketch
They get me burning sometimes
Yeah, they got me on edge
But the trusted me with the school friendly pledge
And I don't wanna break their legs-legs-legs
C.B.S!
Whoah!
C.B.S!
Whoah!
It's more like a blockparty than a school
C!
B!
S!
C.B.S!
----Barry and Butch in Hallway 1:D
BUTCH: Okay, Barry, just remember. You didn't see nothing!
BARRY: Nothing of what?
BUTCH: Nice act, "B".
BARRY: Seriously, what are we doing?
[background laughter]
BUTCH: For the third time: We're going to sneak into Andy's room and get my joy buzzer back.
BARRY: Why'd he take it from you in the first place?
BUTCH: Because I put the last one I had in his underwear.
[background laughter]
(Door lock clicks)
BUTCH: Alright, I'm going in. If I die marry Katness for me.
[background laughter]
BARRY: The girl rejects you, why would she differ with me?
[background laughter]
BUTCH: Yeah---. 
----Butch in Andy's Dorm
BUTCH: Whoa! This place has more western flare than a Cowboy Band.
[background laughter]
Okay, if I were my joy buzzer where would I be? Hmm . . . maybe, in Andy's closet! No. Then it's in his pillow. No, again.
[background laughter]
Fine! Perhaps it's in his underwear! No, again-again.
[background laughter]
(SNIFFS) Uh! I didn't know Andy I'd say he was against washing machines.
[background laughter]
C'mon, Butch think! There's gotta be somewhere obvious I haven't— His drawer! (DRAWER OPENS, SHIRT SHAKES) No, again-again-again! 
[background laughter]
(CLOSES DRAWER) Hey, a note. It must've fallen from the shirt when I was shaking it. Hmm . . . Eh, could've hurt.
(OPENS NOTE, READS)
Dear My Love,
I can no longer bear hiding my feelings. For the truth is: I love you, yes, I love you! So much so, if you were ever in peril I'd cut my throat to take your place. You mean the world to me and that's a fact.
Yours,
A. Mapel
BUTCH: Yikes. If anyone finds out about this note Andy's social life will be ruined. People everywhere in school will know he's not as brutal as he says . . . . (GREEDILY) Perfect. All I gotta do is trade this baby for my joy buzzer and bam! Ha, ha, ha! Revenge is mine. (LIGHTING FLASHES) That's strange, lighting at 2:03?
[background laughter]
Eh.
----Duke House's - Kitchen
DUKE: (IMITATING CLINT) Oh, hey Duke! How are you? Oh I'm fine! Gosh, I'm just super-psyched to be spending two days with you. Just like when we were kids and I stuffed maggots in your pillow case at our sleepover! 
[background laughter]
(VIOLENTLY MASHES POTATOES) Hee, hee, hee, hee! 
(NORMAL VOICE) Good times!
(DOOR OPENS)
LU: Duke! It's called "mash potatoes" not "trashed potatoes"! 
[background laughter]
DUKE: Lu, I'm busy. But, if your gonna stay can ya hand me a saw?
[background laughter]
LU: No way, you go get it. It's in your living room.
[background laughter]
DUKE: Fine! I will! (WHISPERS) Ya six-toed pampered monkey!
[background laughter]
OPENS DOOR
----Duke's House - Living Room
DUKE: Clint?!
CLINT: Duke!
LU: Your welcome!
[background laughter]
DUKE: You planned this, too?
LU: Yep. Whadda ya think?
DUKE: I think I should've kept that hammer in my hand!
[background laughter]
CLINT: (SNORTS, PATS DUKE'S BACK) Kidder!
[background laughter]
DUKE: Sorry, I didn't greet you sooner. I had to . . . cream the teeth marks on my legs.
CLINT: What teeth marks?
DUKE: The ones I got when you pushed me in that alligator-infested swamp!
[background laughter]
LU: Took you only 20 seconds to fish that story out.
[background laughter]
DUKE: (CHUCKLES) Well, it took the police only 20 hours to fish me out!
[background laughter]
LU: 
CLINT: Duke, I wanted to say I'm sorry
Category:Scripts