The Rocky Raid

This is the twenty-eighth episode of The SBFW Chronicles and the season 1 finale.
==Transcript==
(Meanwhile, in a random alley…)
Rocky: It’s finally time. The final raid. The raid to end all raids. What is this raid, you may ask? Well, those SBFWians have pissed me off for way too long. They won’t let me back onto their site! Sure I’ve literally posted someone’s face without their permission and was extremely transphobic about it, but who cares? THEY WILL PAY!
(Elsewhere, SBFW users starts suspecting something is up)
Purple: I smell racism.
Ally: Joel, you ALWAYS smell racism.
Purple: Yeah but this time it doesn't smell like me.
Ally: Is it CrazySponge?
Purple: No he smells like cheerios and stomach autism.
Ally: Then who else could it be?
(Jeopardy music plays)
Both: ROCKY!
Jasbre: Nothing like listening to Weez- WOULD YOU GET OUT OF HERE? I'm not even on the wiki anymore?
Camerawoman: Goddamn I'm just trying to do my job.
Jasbre: Yeah now go back to the kitchen where you belong.
Ian: (eating chips) You said it, Jasbray.
Camerawoman: Is he your boyfriend?
Ian: I will shove my dick up your-
Camerawoman: Taking that as a no then.
(The camerawoman gets mauled by Porky Pig)
Porky: I'm actually Zoltan.
(Laugh track)
Porky: Th-th-th-that’s all folks!
(The Looney Tunes ending theme plays as the scene cuts to Liz writing this episode)
Liz: Huh? Who invited you in here? Go do your job!
(Never mind then. Cut to Dan in a bedroom, doing something that Fandom would obviously hate seeing)
Dan: OH BABY
Woof: Hey that’s my line!
Dan: The masturbation room is for one person at a time! Wait your turn!
Woof: Well in the meantime I’m gonna go eat a carrot.
Dan: Alright, carrot.
Woof: Holy shit someone finally used my pronouns correctly. I thank you. (leaves)
Dan: You’re… welcome?
(Dan’s phone starts playing the Mr. Pecks song)
Dan: Hello? Professional jacker-offer in the house.
Vanessa: Quick, hide all your pornography! Rocky is BACK!
Dan: Not this shit again.
Vanessa: No wait, it gets worse. I heard this is his final raid.
Dan: Oh thank god.
Vanessa: No, it’s going to be his worst yet! As Peter Griffin would put it, this is worse than the time I was sus!
Dan: NOT PETER GRIFFIN! We gotta do something!
Vanessa: Aaron already blocked the perimeter. I keep forgetting that in this series we all live in one neighborhood.
(Cut to the neighborhood’s perimeter, which is covered with sticky tape)
Woof: This fence ain’t shit!
Aaron: Yeah, it’s sticky tape. You’re welcome.
Woof: This is like the BTEC version of Trump’s wall. Which is way, way better by the way.
Aaron: Yeah you go Trumpie. It’s industrial level sticky tape so Rocky is in no way, no how, getting through.
Woof: With how you said that it’s like you’re just asking him to break through.
Aaron: Right, this is a scripted spin-off series.
Liz: Don’t forget it’s the season finale!
Aaron: Shut up you bitch ass- I don’t have any good insults. Wow you can’t even insult yourself, how pathetic.
Liz: That’ll do, Aaron, that’ll do.
Aaron: Oh yeah, I’ve got one: racist.
Liz: Boo, hiss.
Dan: Guys I think we’re getting distracted. I say we all jack off!
Pluto: DAN!
Dan: What? Too afraid people will see your willy?
Pluto: No, we need to prepare for a Rocky raid!
Dan: Pfft, how bad could it be? There’s plenty of us and only one of him.
Pluto: You’re gonna jinx it dude…
(Cut to an open shot of the sticky tape. Several figures start dashing towards the perimeter, all looking like ordinary people rather than some stupid degenerate online)
Woof: How many of those do you guys think are hot chicks?
CrazySponge: ALL OF THEM!
Woof: Wh- where the fuck did you come from?
CrazySponge: I can sniff out women. It’s my superpower.
Woof: I think your real superpower is being disgusting.
CrazySponge: Why thank you.
(The figures come closer into view, and they all seem suspiciously like…)
Vanessa: ROCKY ALTS!
Aaron: Shit! Not that I’m surprised, but still… shit!
CrazySponge: Aw man the hot women are all Nazis.
Vanessa: How has that ever stopped you before?
CrazySponge: I don’t want to get canceled again.
Vanessa: I see.
NaziFucker69: RAID INCOMING!
CrazySponge: RAID SHADOW LEGENDS!
NaziFucker69: Shut your bitch ass up, whore!
CrazySponge: Hey! Language!
OrdinaryWoman16: You’ve thwarted us for the last time!
Aaron: Yeah I don't think so.
(The Rocky alts start breaking through the sticky tape)
Aaron: Fuck, my sticky tape didn't work!
Woof: See, I told you!
Aaron: No need to rub it in, EDPenis sucker.
Woof: HEY! I ONLY LAUGHED AT HIS PENIS ONE TIME!
Aaron: It was way more than one time, Woof.
Woof: FAKE NEWS!
Aaron: Alrighty, lil Trumpie!
Woof: Hey that should be my stage name.
Vanessa: Can we actually focus on the trouble at hand for once? All of Rocky’s alts are destroying Jasbre’s house!
Woof: Wait, why does he still live here?
Vanessa: He said he’s too lazy to officially move out right now.
(Cut to Jasbre’s house)
Ian: Ayo Jasbre wanna listen to Purple album?
Jasbre: Yeah sure man, just lemme get my AirPods and-
NaziFucker69: YOU! WHY!
Jasbre: Oh god, not this guy again. Ahem, I got this.
(pause)
Jasbre: Boo.
NaziFucker69: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- You’re a piece of shit.
Jasbre: So you’re not gonna leave us alone?
NaziFucker69: Nope.
Jasbre: God fucking damn it.
(Just then, three other Rocky alts invade the house)
OrdinaryWoman57: WE WILL WE WILL ROCK YOU!
Ian: Hey I like that song!
OrdinaryWoman45: FUCK YOU!
Ian: Hey, be nice. We can all listen to Weezer together.
NaziLover96: WE HATE PEACE! WE ONLY LIKE HARASSMENT!
Jasbre: No hairassmint.
Ian: Is that still a thing?
Jasbre: (shrugs) Worth a shot.
NaziSexer47: Your tricks won’t work on us this time, Jasbray and Eye-in.
Ian: Are you trying to insult us or something? Because it sure ain’t working. It’s just making you look [FANDOM CENSORED THIS].
Jasbre: Ian! Language!
Ian: I ain’t appeasing the Fandom gods!
(Up in the clouds)
Kirkburn: Darn.
(He gets a message from Ally)
Ally: I know I have been memeing heavily on your message wall, but I come with a genuine question for you:
Do you know about the vandal, I think their name was "Ligma?"
Kirkburn: No, I don’t know any vandals named “Ligma”.
Ally: LIGMA BALLS BITCH!
Kirkburn: Blocked.
(Ally gets smited into the globalled realm)
Kirkburn: My work here is done. (sips on a can of Bud Light)
(Cut back to the SBFW gang, who is trying to take down the Rocky alts)
AltFucker69: Haha! You’ll never take us down this time! We shall reign this land forever!
Dan: God, my legs are still sore like lola bunny is pegging me with 10 different dildos and making bugs put his member up the anal caval too.
AltFucker69: What the fuck did I just read?
Aaron: When Rocky says something like that you know you fucked up.
Dan: Shit, he’s just gonna use this to extend his grudge against us.
AltFucker56: Damn straight! Like my sexuality!
Vanessa: Just like CrazySponge?
AltFucker56: I mean yeah sure.
Vanessa: That’s pretty gay not gonna lie.
AltFucker56: YOU’LL PAY FOR THIS!
(The Rocky alt tries to punch Vanessa in the crotch but realizes she has no balls)
Vanessa: Not everyone here is male, you know.
AltFucker56: Everyone will be once all the women go back into the kitchen!
Vanessa: Last time I went into the kitchen I set my hand on fire, so no thanks.
Bot: I’m only in the kitchen so much because of my husband Zoltan.
Porky: y-y-y-y-ou what?
Bot: Why the fuck is a Looney Tunes character here?
Porky: I’m actually Zoltan. (takes off the costume)
Bot: MY HUBBY! It’s so good to see you again after leaving for the milk!
Zoltan: I never left for any milk, what are you talking about?
Bot: …
AltSexer97: Oh, so sad. Goodbye, everyone! Your time is up, and your filler will stall no longer.
(The Rocky alt plants a giant nuclear bomb in the middle of the neighborhood. The timer starts counting down from 60 seconds)
Dan: SHIT! Speaking of…
Woof: Don’t you even dare.
Matt: Did somebody say shit? I came back from the vape session with my bros.
Vanessa: We’re kinda in the middle of a nuclear war zone right now, Elmo, now go back to your vapes.
Matt: Okay then. (leaves)
(The nuclear bomb’s timer is now 50 seconds)
Aaron: We’re all gonna die!
Zoltan: Yeah, death is inevitable.
Aaron: But I’m too young to die!
Zoltan: That’s debatable.
Aaron: Shut up Zoltan and help us diffuse the bomb!
Zoltan: Do I look like an engineer to you!
Aaron: Well are you?
Zoltan: No. I only fuck cats and eat cats.
Aaron: Fuck.
(40 seconds)
Dan: Okay, step back everyone. (rubs his hands together with cherry lube) What? At least the bomb will smell good now.
(Dan rips open the electrical compartment of the bomb, and a bunch of different colored wires emerge)
Dan: Fuck I didn’t expect there to be this many.
CrazySponge: HOOOPLAAA! I can also sniff out bombs.
Dan: CrazySponge, I don’t think you’ll know how to-
CrazySponge: Chillax guys I got this.
Dan: You just learned how to reboot your computer last month.
CrazySponge: FALSE! That was SEVERAL months ago!
Vanessa: Well I don’t see anyone else around here willing to help us, so he’s our last hope. I can’t believe I’m saying this but, good luck CrazySponge.
CrazySponge: Thanks white woman. Now then… lube, Dan!
Dan: Fine. (he squirts some lube onto Crazy’s hands)
CrazySponge: (rubbing his hands together like a madman) Now which one is the Hoopla wire?
Aaron: CrazySponge there’s no such thing as a Hoopla wire-
Hoopla wire: HOOPLA! ZZzT!
CrazySponge: There you are my boy. Now be a good wire and undo yourself right this instant.
Hoopla wire: zZZZt! Yezzz sir! (pops out into Crazy’s hands)
Dan: You didn’t even NEED the lube!
CrazySponge: Yes I did, the wire needs to smell nice and fresh so I can eat it.
Hoopla wire: YezzzZZT! I am very edible!
Rocky: Fuck! I should’ve known buying nuclear bombs from Box Productions was a terrible idea!
(CrazySponge eats the wire and gets electrocuted and dies)
Dan: OH GOD OH FUCK- wait why do we still say that?
CrazySponge: (comes back to life) It’s a tradition. (dies again)
Rocky: (screams in agony as all his alts retreat)
AltFucker69: RETREAT, EVERYONE! RETREAT! THEY HAVE DEFEATED US ONCE AND FOR ALL!
(All of the alts have now left the area)
Vanessa: (sighs) I hope this never happens again.
(Meanwhile, up in the sky, the Rocky alts look for a safe haven)
RockyFucker69: Hungry! Hungry! For trolling!
Kirkburn: (yawning) Who is it this time?
RockyFucker69: Troll! Troll! Troll! You a troll!
Kirkburn: (yawns again) You kids better get off my lawn before I block you.
Rocky alts: Troll! Troll! You a troll!
(silence)
Rocky alt: Find Markiplier.
Kirkburn: ALRIGHT THAT’S IT (smites the alts to the globalled realm)
(end)
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