Lady U-Turn

Lady U-Turn is the sixth episode of season three, and the forty-sixth episode overall of Welcome to Fancyland!. It was written by FireMatch.
==Plot==
When Lady Upturn gets pulled over after performing a u-turn, she has no choice but to let SpongeBob chauffeur her for the week. 
==Synopsis==
The episode begins with Lady Upturn in her mansion, looking impatient, tapping her foot.
Upturn yells for the butler. “Butler!”
The Butler magically appears with a banana in his hand.
“Yes, madam?” he asks.
“Why- never mind. Anyway, I’m going to be late for my monthly book club meeting. Bring me to my limo, pronto!”
“Yes, madam,” he answers. He snaps his finger, and Upturn appears in the limo in the front seat.
“What is the meaning of this?!” Upturn demands. “I never told you I was supposed to drive!”
“Apologies, madam, but I have my own duties to attend to. Have to do my weekly cleanup of your mansion, as you can see. It is very important, as you have told me.”
“Oh. I guess I can let this slide this one time…”
“Thank you, madam. Now if you’ll excuse me.”
The Butler goes back into the house, and sneaks into Upturn’s bedroom.
“Heh, she will never suspect a thing,” the Butler says to himself while opening Upturn’s underwear drawer. “A quick panty raid never hurt anyone…”
Cut back to Upturn, who is struggling to start the limo.
“Ugh! Why can’t they make it start on its own?!” Upturn whines while trying to start the vehicle with the car keys held upside down. “Peasantry at its finest.”
She finally manages to start the limo, and starts driving.
“Stupid… stupid fool that Butler is…” she mutters. Being distracted from frustration, she accidentally makes a left turn instead of a right turn.
“Oh my! It seems I made a wrong turn. Hmm, what was it that they called this maneuver? L-turn?” She shrugs. “No matter, it seems simple enough.”
Upturn attempts to perform a u-turn, but fails to notice another vehicle in her way, and crashes directly into Tom’s car.
“AHHHHH!” Tom screams as the airbag deploys. “OW! MY CHEST!”
“Oh dear!” Upturn says. “Erm… I’ll just be on my merry way now.”
A police car immediately pulls up before Upturn can escape.
“No you will not, missy,” the officer says. “You have crashed your car into another pedestrian.”
“Hi,” Tom says casually.
“Therefore, your drivers’ license shall be revoked immediately,” the officer tells Upturn.
“Oh no, it appears there is a mistake, officer.” Upturn hands the officer her driver’s license. “I am Lady Upturn the 333rd, therefore I should be exempt from this injustice.”
The officer takes the license and immediately shakes his head. “Look, I don’t give a barnacle how royal or prestigious you say you are. Hand over your license at once.”
Upturn groans as she hands the officer her drivers’ license.
The officer looks at the shiny laminated drivers’ license, which blinds him. “My eyes!” he exclaims as he falls to the ground. “I’m also requiring you to get a new license that isn’t so harmful to look at!”
Upturn scoffs, and the scene bubble transitions to later that day where Upturn is returning to her mansion.
“Your home is all cleaned up, m’lady,” the Butler says.
“Good to hear,” Upturn responds. “I have had a terrible day today. My drivers’ license has been revoked! You hear that, revoked!”
“I’m sorry to hear that, Miss Upturn. And by the by, I'm taking that week-long break you promised me months ago.”
“WHAT?!” Upturn yells. “THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE! YOU ARE SO- um… just go.”
“As you wish. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA”
The Butler runs away like a maniac, wearing one of Upturn’s pairs of underwear on his head.
“…is that one of my undergarments?” Upturn asks.
“No!” the Butler yells off-screen as he giggles.
Upturn groans. “Fine. It looks like now that my butler is on break, I have nobody to chauffeur me around! This is unacceptable! I need to find someone to replace him for the week, and quickly.”
Lady Upturn gets on her phone and makes a Fishbook listing for “CHAUFFEUR FOR UPPER CLASS LADY”.
“There, that should do it. Now, what to do in the meanti-?” She almost immediately gets a notification for the app Fishbook. “Already? I didn’t expect this much from those peasants. I guess I’m… peasantly surprised.”
Someone off-screen boos her as a rimshot plays.
Upturn turns her phone back on. “Now let’s see here, who is this peasant willing to be my sla- chauffeur? “SpongeBob SquarePants”? Isn’t that the kid who works at the Krusty Slop? Eugh! Peasantry at its finest. But… I guess I have no choice. Butler…” She claps twice, but nobody shows up. “Oh, right. He’s on break. UGH!” Upturn stomps her feet violently. “Can this get any worse?!”
SpongeBob appears out of nowhere, making Upturn scream.
“Hi, Miss Upturn!” SpongeBob says. “I’m SpongeBob.”
“Ugh… I can tell,” Upturn answers, visibly in disgust.
“Great! Mrs. Gulf says that improving my driving skills via odd jobs like these will give me extra credit in her class.”
Upturn gulps. “You don’t say.”
“Yup! Now, where do you need to be driven to? The local mall? Fancier? My house?” SpongeBob laughs.
Upturn’s left eye twitches. “Nothing for now… but when I call you, you are immediately to report here.”
SpongeBob laughs again. “How do you think I got here so quickly? I’ll basically be right by your side whenever you need.” He promptly vanishes.
“Huh… peculiar one. Hopefully he’ll be of use for the next week. Haha.”
Bubble transition to just an hour later, where Upturn looks impatient, fiddling with her hands.
“I’m bored,” she says, and she calls SpongeBob. “Mr. SpongeBo-”
SpongeBob immediately appears, startling her.
“Ready for duty, sir- I mean ma’am!” SpongeBob laughs, and Upturn groans.
“Look, square one, I need you to drive me to the local casino. It’s just around the block-” Upturn gets interrupted by SpongeBob already turning on the limo.
“Around the block, got it,” SpongeBob says. He motions for Upturn to get in. “C’mon, hop inside! It’s pretty cozy here.”
Upturn hesitantly gets into the limo and groans as SpongeBob starts driving.
“I think I’m doing great!” SpongeBob says cheerfully. “I haven’t crashed at all yet!”
“Cr-cr-CRASHED?” Upturn stammers.
“Yeah, while doing driving tests I always fail. Something about me being unteachable or whatever. It’s weird. Anyway, we’re already here.”
Surprisingly, SpongeBob has not crashed driving the limo all the way to the casino.
“Wow, pretty colors,” SpongeBob remarks as he steps out of the limo and looks at the casino.
“Meh,” Upturn says. “Been there, done that.” She gets out of the limo and heads into the casino.
At the casino, several rich people are playing several gambling games, such as slots, roulette, poker, and even…
“Pin the Tail on the Billionaire?” Upturn scoffs. “What kind of nimrod would want to play that?”
“I would!” SpongeBob says behind her. SpongeBob rushes up to Pin the Tail on the Billionaire and grabs a tail. “This looks fun.”
Upturn scoffs again. SpongeBob tries to pin the tail on a rapidly moving cutout of Elon Musk, who is spouting random meme one-liners.
“Such meme. Wow!” the cutout says.
SpongeBob pins the tail on the cutout, landing just one inch away from Elon Musk’s actual rear end.
“Any product that needs a manual to work is broken,” the cutout spouts.
“Wow, such wise words from Mr. Musk!” SpongeBob says.
“Obviously,” Upturn mutters to herself. “Elon Musk is a one-of-a-kind billionaire genius. Nobody would dare be on the same high level as he.”
“Ooh, looks like I get three chances,” SpongeBob says. He grabs another tail, sticks his tongue out, and pins the tail just a quarter of an inch away from Elon’s rear.
“Failure is an option here. If things are not failing, you are not innovating enough,” the cutout says.
SpongeBob laughs at this line. “Oh, Mr. Elon, you are such a card! I guess the Krusty Krab should go bankrupt!” He laughs again. “Welp, one more round to go.”
“Elon is so based, though, you cannot deny that…” Upturn mutters again.
SpongeBob focuses even more this time, readies his shot, and pins the tail directly onto Elon’s rear end. A goal sound plays.
“Am considering taking Tesla private at $420. Funding secured,” the cutout says. Loads of tokens start spewing out on the table as SpongeBob rushes to collect them.
“Mister SpongeBob, would you be so kind as to… give me all of your tokens?” Upturn demands.
SpongeBob laughs. “Nope! I got these fair and square. Get your own tokens, silly!”
Upturn groans. “I’m going back home.”
SpongeBob jumps in front of her. “Ooh, can I come along with? Can I? Can I? Please?”
“No, SpongeBob, you may not-”
A close-up of SpongeBob giving Lady Upturn puppy dog eyes is shown.
“Aww, but I cannot resist the doggy eyes. Fine, you may visit my humble abode.
“Hooray!” SpongeBob cheers. Cut to SpongeBob driving the limo back to Upturn’s mansion, albeit in a very unsteady manner.
“Careful, sponge! You’re going to make us crash! I don’t want that to happen again,” Upturn tells SpongeBob.
“Oh, relax, Lady Upturn, we’re already there!” he answers. Sure enough, the limo is parked right in front of the mansion.
“Finally, I can get some rest.” Upturn opens the doors to her mansion with a fingerprint scan, and lets SpongeBob in with her. “You may visit, just don’t… touch anything.”
“You got it!” SpongeBob says, and giggles as he starts to roam upstairs.
Upturn sighs of exhaustion and goes into her bedroom to sleep. Meanwhile, SpongeBob is rummaging through Upturn’s storage room with gloves on.
SpongeBob laughs. “She didn’t mention that gloves can’t touch anything! I’m such a genius, little ol’ me.”
He then finds a giant stack of banknotes casually lying on the floor of the room.
“What in the world would Upturn need cash for?” SpongeBob says to himself. “Fancyland has an unlimited supply of funds so there’s no point. Hmm… I swear, so many people in this town are fishy…”
SpongeBob shrugs this off, however, and continues rummaging. He then gets a phone call from Lady Upturn.
“Already?” SpongeBob says. He then looks at his phone’s clock to see that an hour has passed by. “Wow, time has flown faster than in a TV show.”
SpongeBob answers the phone. “Yellow, spongy and porous.”
“Mr. SquarePants, I need you to drive me over to the Upturn mall. I own it, you know,” Upturn says over the phone. “Also, where in the world are you? I’ve looked everywhere!”
SpongeBob laughs. “I’ll be there in a second.”
He dashes over to the living room, where Upturn is still on the phone with him. She hangs up and glares at him.
“Something isn’t right about you, kid. But you’re all I’ve got, so…” Upturn claps her hands thrice. “Hop to it, pronto!”
SpongeBob is already in the driver’s seat of the limo, and Upturn sighs as she walks out of the mansion and into the passenger seat.
“Let’s go, chop chop!” Upturn urges SpongeBob.
“Ohh… I forgot where the gas pedal is!” SpongeBob panics, and starts the car while accidentally holding onto the gas pedal. They both scream.
“YOU POROUS BRAIN! YOU’RE GOING TO MAKE US CRASH!”
“Umm, I can fix this! I can fix this!”
SpongeBob swerves to the left, then to the right, then to the left again, and this goes on for some time.
Upturn covers her mouth with her hands. “I think I’m gonna be sick…”
“Hold on, I almost got the hang of it!” SpongeBob says. Immediately after he says this, he crashes into the side of Upturn’s mall. Stars appear all over the screen, and the scene fades to the hospital, where SpongeBob and Lady Upturn are in full-body casts.
“It’s truly a miracle you two are alive,” the doctor says. “In cases like these, there is only a 4% survival rate.”
“Yay… we’re lucky…” SpongeBob strains to say as one of his teeth falls out and drops to the floor. The doctor picks it up.
“Oh hey, it’s my lucky day! Oh boy, the tooth fairy is gonna love me tonight!” the doctor says.
“I thought you were a doctor, not a dentist,” SpongeBob says to him.
“Doctor, dentist, all the same, really. I’m also a really good cuddler.” The doctor hands SpongeBob a business card for his professional cuddling services. “Remember!”
The doctor leaves as Upturn glares at SpongeBob.
“I should’ve known you peasants were absolutely worthless,” Upturn says to him in a cold tone. 
SpongeBob just frowns at her.
“Oh, and you are officially FIRED from your duties as my chauffeur!” Upturn adds.
SpongeBob’s frown extends. Bubble transition to Upturn walking back to her mansion, in crutches. The butler waves at her.
“Evening, madam,” the butler says to her.
“Don’t even… oh, you’re back. Thank goodness,” Upturn responds. “I had a porous peasant freak take your place for the span of your break. That good-for-nothing kid crashed into my own mall!”
The butler silently snickers.
“What was that?” Upturn demands.
The butler moves a little and accidentally steps on Upturn’s foot.
“HOLY SMOKES! YOU BROKE MY FOOT!” Upturn screams.
“I’m sorry I’m sorry, ma’am, let me dial 9-1-” the butler is interrupted.
“NO! YOU ARE FIRED! GO NOW, QUIT PESTERING ME! I CAN CALL THE AMBULANCE MYSELF!” Upturn barks at him.
“...As you wish.” The butler leaves.
Upturn groans as she dials 9-1-1. Transition to her at the hospital again, sighing.
“Well, it appears that the universe is against me,” Upturn says. “ME! Who could be against me, Lady Upturn the 333rd?!”
“Will you shut it?! Some of us are trying to get some shuteye!” a fish nearby yells at her.
Upturn mumbles as she crosses her arms. SpongeBob appears, holding flowers.
“Lady Upturn, you have a visitor,” the nurse tells her.
“Oh, great. It’s him,” Upturn groans.
SpongeBob slowly approaches Upturn with the flowers.
“Hi, Miss Upturn,” SpongeBob says to her. “I brought you flowers. I’m sorry for hurting you earlier. I should’ve known this would be a bust.”
Upturn hesitantly takes the flowers.
“Oh… I’m wondering if I’m allergic to these- ah, ah, AHH-”
Upturn sneezes in SpongeBob’s face, startling him. SpongeBob panics and accidentally steps on Upturn’s other foot. Upturn yells profane words, all of which are censored with various cartoon sound effects. While she yells, SpongeBob with the flowers slowly backs away from her and leaves.
“What’s wrong, ma’am?” the nurse asks.
“Oh… forget about it. I just want to be left alone,” Upturn says.
The episode ends as SpongeBob’s laughter can faintly be heard.
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