Pastus

The tenth episode of season 2, and one of my favorites from it. Enjoy!
==Script==
*(US is using her computer.)
*US: Stupid computer! Lagging, horrible connection and typos! It keeps freezing, stops working and says "lump" instead of lamp! Ugh!
*(US bangs her fist on the computer.)
*Dep. Mayor: Uh, I don't think that's a good idea, Miss US........
*US: Be quiet! I'm trying to look at lamps!
*(The computer stops working.)
*US: That's it!
*(US stomps on the computer and throws it out the window.)
*Dep. Mayor: That's my computer.....
*US: Was. Besides, it sucked.
*(Dep. Mayor runs away, crying.)
*US: Must be that time of the month again. But that was a stupid computer! Why does the Internet hate me?!
*NH: You have been ignoring Pastus.
*US: Huh?
*NH: (sitting down like a monk and talking like one): That is not the way to handle lag, human. I will show you the way of the great wise ones within the Internet.
*US: NY? Where did you come from?
*NH: That's not important, human. Now, follow me, naive one, to the Pastus room.
*(NH hovers.)
*US: How do you do that?
*(They head into NH's lab.)
*NH: (walking normally): Stand back human, I need to go through the security process.
*(NH puts his paw on a pad which scans it and opens a huge steal door, then another device scans his eye and opens another door, then inputs the code to a giant combination lock to open another door, uses a key to open another huge door, and then the last one is a simple wooden door.)
*NH: This one's always the hardest.
*(NH tries to use the doorknob and fails.)
*NH: Time to open it my way.
*(NH gets a laser and blows up the door.)
*Rig: Hewwo!
*NH: RIG! How did you get in there?!
*Rig: The back door.
*NH: Now is not a good time. Go play with the squirrels or something.
*Rig: It's my duty! Tee he, duty.
*(Rig goes into the ground.)
*NH: Ah, finally. I have, in my furry paws........... The Book of The Gods and Goddesses of the Internet! You must follow these wise ones in order to rid of your lag, connection problems and typos.
*US: Follow? Like, they're a religion?
*NH: Yerp. Now stop interrupting and let me........
*US: Ha, that's rich. Do my shoes have a religion too?
*NH: Ssssssssssssh! Pastus might hear you!
*US: Who?
*NH: Maybe if you were quiet for a second you would know.
*US: (zips mouth, muffled): There, happy?
*NH: Indubitably. Now, long ago, when I was a wolf pup...........
*(Flashes back to when NH is a puppy.)
*NH: Curse you, Lagus!
*Rack: (voice only): You better not be using the computer too much! It's not good for your eyes!
*NH: Silence, human!
*Rack: (voice only): Ooh, act like that and you'll get a bath!
*NH: Stupid computer! I can never take over the world with such a laggy computer! (pouts and walks away) Hm, what is this?
*(NH notices the book, titled "The Book of The Gods and Goddesses of the Internet.)
*NH: Hm...........
*(Pup NH reads the book.)
*(Flashback ends.)
*US: Done yet?
*NH: SILENCE! Now, I will tell you about the Gods and Goddesses of the Internet.
*US: Finally.
*NH: (mumbling): Table of Contents, author, illustrations......
*US: JUST TELL ME ALREADY!
*NH: Fine!
*(NH flips through some pages.)
*NH: A-ha! Pastus, God of the Internet. (reading): As stated above, Pastus is the God of all Internet, keeping lag, connection and typos in check.......
*(Shows image of Pastus watching a router called "The Almighty Router" to see Internet's connection.)
*Pastus: Ah, everything's all nice and perfect. Ooh, gotta use the little God's room. Lagus, watch the connection for me.
*(Pastus leaves.)
*NH: (voice only): And now, Lagus, Goddess of Lag.
*Lagus: Sure thing, Pastus. Hm, this router's too fast for me.
*(Lagus turns the Fast/Slow button to "Slow".)
*Lagus: Muhahahahhah! Yawn. I'm tired. I shall take a nap. Electricus, watch the router.
*(Lagus goes to sleep.)
*NH: (voice only): And then, Electricus, God of connection.
*Electricus: Hm. This connection's too perfect for me.
*(Electricus changes the connection to "Blink" mode.)
*Elecrticus: Now that's perfect. Oh yeah, I gotta go golf with the main upstairs!
*(A man comes downstairs.)
*Man: Ready, Elect?
*Electricus: I was born ready. Typus, monitor the router for me!
*(Electricus and the Man leave.)
*NH: (voice only): And finally, Typus, Goddess of typos.
*Typus: Ah, finally, my turn! Why is there no typos?
*(Typus rearranges the words "Router" to "Roertu".)
*Typus: Ah, beautiful.
*Pastus: I'm back........
*(Typus gasps, and carries Lagus with her.)
*Pastus: What the..........?
*(Cut back to reality.)
*NH: And that, is what happens when you don't obey Pastus and the others.
*US: So wait, they're god-like? Tell me where they are! I wanna fight 'em!
*NH: ........Anyway, this is what happens when you obey them......
*(Cut back to the book. Pastus, Lagus, Electricus and Typus are eating.)
*Pastus: Ah, isn't it great that so many people obey us?
*Lagus: Indeed! I lose my ability to cause lag when people treat me with respect!
*Electricus: Likewise.
*Typus: As do I.
*(Cut back to reality.)
*US: Aw, that's more lame.
*NH: You get the point. Now, go away, human. I don't need your germs to spread anymore in my lab.
*US: Whatevs, NY.
*(US is about to leave.)
*NH: (thinking): Hm........ I'm quite bored today.......... maybe I could trick the human into believing in Pastus and doing idiotic things for my amusement! Yes! I've really got to stop revealing the plot......... (not thinking): Uh, human.
*US: Yes, NY?
*NH: I forgot one thing. Before you can obey Pastus and the others, you must do many things to officially obey them.
*US: Sure, I got nothin' else to do.
*NH: Delicious......
*US: Huh?
*NH: Never mind.......
*(Cut to the two outside.)
*NH: (writing in a book): Now the first thing to do, is go on a roof, have a satellite on your head, and shout "I believe in Pastus!" at least fifty times and then jump off.
*US: Itter! I believe in Pasta! I believe in Pasta!
*(NH facepalms.)
*(An hour later.)
*NH: You know you've said it more than fifty times.
*US: I know, but I love pasta!
*Rack: (coming out of nowhere): Uh, US, why are you on my roof?
*US: Because I love pasta!
*Rack: Uh, okay..........
*(Rack leaves.)
*('US jumps off.)
*US: Now I'm hungry. Gimme pasta!
*NH: Sigh..........
*(Later. US and NH are at a table.)
*NH: Now, you must pray to Pastus, Lagus, Electricus and Typus.
*US: Sure thing. (prays): Pasta, I love how saucy, chewy, sticky and yummy you are. Lasagna, I love how you're exactly like pasta but still not a total knock off. Oh elementary school food, how sticky and cheap you are by putting glue on macaroni. Taffy, I love how chewy you are and slowly make my teeth decay.
*NH: I'm already getting tired of this joke.
*(A montage begins to play of NH telling US how to obey Pastus, with US misinterpreting what he says.)
*NH: (exhausted): Okay, this shall be the final one. Sit down and talk like a monk.
*US: But I'm not a monkey or the main character of a TV show........
*NH: Just do it.
*US: Fine. (sits down and talks like a monk): Um........... pasta.......... um........ lasagna........... um............ elementary school food........... um.............. taffy........... um........
*NH: Why do I even bother?
*(Cut to Pastus, Lagus, Electricus and Typus.)
*Pastus: What's this? Someone manipulating another and making fake rules?
*Lagus: Seen it before.
*Electricus: Darn trouble makers!
*Typus: What shall we do to the trouble maker?
*Pastus: We shall punish the trouble maker for life. He has caused much trouble for some reason.
*Lagus: Agreed. I love to give bad people lag.
*Electricus: Likewise. Blinking connection is fun to do on trouble makers.
*Typus: As do I with typos.
*Pastus: Alright, let's meet this guy in person!
*(The four poof away and go to where NH and US are.)
*NH: Now stop doing things wrong and let me........
*(The four put their fingers on his back.)
*NH: Oh no........
*Pastus: You have disappointed the Gods of the Internet!
*(Lagus coughs.)
*Pastus: And Goddesses....... but the point is, you have broken the rules of The Book of The Gods and Goddesses of the Internet!
*NH: I just wanted to have fun with a naive human!
*US: Um......... lamps............
*Pastus: That is no excuse to manipulate! Now, since you have disgraced the gods and goddesses of the Internet, we shall punish you.
*Lagus: By causing you never ending lag!
*(Lagus electrocutes NH's computer and router.)
*Electricus: And by causing you never ending blinking connection!
*(Electricus also electrocutes NH's computer and router.)
*Typus: And by causing you never ending typos!
*(Typus does the same as Lagus and Electricus.)
*Pastus: And finally, I shall double all of that!
*(Pastus also does the same as the other three.)
*Pastus, Lagus, Electricus & Typus: And worst of all, we shall cast all of what was already said on you!
*(The four electrocute NH.)
*Pastus: And our work here is done. Sorry for all the trouble he caused.
*US: Um....... chocolate........
*Pastus: Right....... Let's go, Gods!
*(Lagus slaps Pastus.)
*Pastus: (rubbing cheek): And Goddesses! Ow...... that hurt.....
*(Lagus blows a raspberry.)
*(Pastus uses his staff to poof the four away.)
*US: Um........ NY, are you okay?...........
*NH: (delayed response): My bass hurts..........
*US: Um........... NY, remember, kids' show............
*NH: ...........I'll just.......... blow now...........
*(NH leaves.)
*US: Um............ that's the end of the cartoon...........
*THE END.
==Credits==
===Starring===
*Rackliffelikespurple as Rack
*New Heathera as NH
*Utter solitude as US
*Rigbybestie1510 as Rig
*Dep. Mayor as Dep. Mayor
*Pastus as Pastus
*Lagus as Lagus
*Electricus as Electricus
*Typus as Typus
*Man as Man
===Writing===
*Written by: Rackliffelikespurple, New Heathera and Utter solitude
===Thanks===
To New Heathera, Utter solitude and Rigbybestie1510 for being the inspirations to the corresponding characters.
==Other==
Sorry if this episode's too short. I had a bad case of writer's block, but I think it's still great. I love how original the plot is.
Thanks for reading! :D
Category:Episodes