Stay Out!/transcript

Previous Episode: Yellow-DOS
Next Episode: To Get to the Park
== Transcript ==
Episode Aired: July 21, 2001
Episode Copyrighted: 2001
This episode is rated TV-Y7.
Episode begins with Lori Loud texting Bobby on her phone.
Lori Loud: Ah, my cell phone. I never leave home without it.
She suddenly feels the need to go to the bathroom.
Lori Loud: I gotta go! *runs into the bathroom with my phone*
Once she relieves herself, she washes her hands, but accidentally pushes her phone into the toilet and she notices it.
Lori Loud: AHH! My phone! *tries to turn it on, but it only sparks*
Screen cuts to outside the house*
Lori Loud: *offscreen* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Screen cuts to outside Squidward's House.
Squidward Tentacles: *screams, offscreen* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Screen cuts to Squidward's room.
Squidward Tentacles: My clarinet! *tries to play clarinet, but it falls apart*
In the kitchen.
Lori Loud: Okay, no need to panic. Just gotta let it dry in rice, and it'll be right as rain. *removes the phone battery and places the two in a rice bag*
Leni Loud: *arrives with the other Loud siblings* Lori, what's wrong?
Lola Loud: We heard your cry of despair!
Lori Loud: I dropped my phone in the toilet, so I'm putting it in some rice.
Luan Loud: Well, I guess two wrongs don't make rice. *laughs*
Lori Loud: The only thing I did wrong was leave my phone to fall in the toilet!
Luan Loud: I know, but it's my only joke.
Lisa Loud: Well, I propose your phone should take about a week to dry off completely.
Lori Loud: What?! I can't go that long without my phone!
Lisa Loud: Not to worry. I have a temporary solution.
Slide transition to Lisa's room.
Lisa Loud: *looks in my closet for a camera* Hmm, I know I had it in here somewhere.
Leni Loud: *holds up a watch phone* This one's just a watch. It'll never work.
Lisa Loud: It's a watch, but it's also a phone.
Lori Loud: Really? Let me see that. *turns on the phone, but it opens a portal where Bobby's cousin Carlota's silhouette is seen in the shower*
Luan Loud: Hey, it works! I don't know if you meant to call Bobby, but you sure made contact with Carlota.
Lori Loud: *closes the portal, leaving Carlota none the wiser* Hmm, it's good, but I was thinking of something for pictures.
Squidward Tentacles: Hey Lori.
Lori Loud: Hey Squidward, we saw the portal.
Squidward Tentacles: The portal. Ehh.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *laughs* Check it out, Lincoln.
Lincoln Loud: *grabs a digital camera* What about this? *beat* Wait a minute... *turns it on*
He shrinks down, then goes back to normal size.
Lincoln Loud: Never mind.
Lisa Loud: Ah! Here we are! *pulls out a polaroid camera*
Squidward Tentacles: Are you sure about this? It looks old school, like the cameras back in Pop-Pop's time.
Lisa Loud: Well, you do want to take selfies, don't you?
Squidward Tentacles: Okay, okay. *takes the camera*
Lisa Loud: Well, there are a few things you should know about this camera...
Squidward Tentacles: Yeah, I get it Lisa. Don't drop it, don't do anything stupid. Thanks, Lisa!
Lori Loud: Good day to you, Lisa.
Squidward Tentacles: *leaves the room*
Lisa Loud: *sighs* You're welcome.
Time card reading: "Later that night..."
French Narrator: Later that night...
Lori Loud: *sees that her other siblings are asleep* Hmm... one quick selfie before bed. Here goes. *takes the picture and it prints out of its slider* Let's see how I look. *to my confusion*
She saw the picture portraying her as very obese, with a double chin, flabby arms and legs, and a bloated belly*
Lori Loud: What the–?! This thing must be broken! Oh, well, I'll talk to Lisa about it in the morning. *puts the camera down and goes to bed*
Time card reading: "The Next Morning"
French Narrator: The next morning.
She is the first to wake up.
Lori Loud: Well, time to take more selfies with my new camera. *sees a big belly on me* What the heck?! *walks over to the mirror, and sees her new body, as previously shown in the picture* AHHHHHH! WHAT HAPPENED TO ME?!
Leni Loud: *wakes up* Huh? Lori, what's with all the y- OH MY GOSH, YOU'RE HUGE!
Lori Loud: Yeah, I just sort of woke up like this!
Squidward Tentacles: What the?! What's going on here! Her clothes are getting outgrown!
A button pops off her shorts.
Lori Loud: And I'm outgrowing my clothes!
Leni Loud: Don't worry! I'm on it! *starts sewing bigger clothes for Lori* Here, try these!
Lori Loud: Thanks. *puts them on, and they fit perfectly* Ah, that's better. Now to find out how I... *sees the picture*
She took next to the camera.
Squidward Tentacles: Nincompoop.
Lori Loud: Weird. I kinda look like the selfie I... took last night... Leni, I gotta go. I'm about to turn a certain someone into a human pretzel! And I don't mean SpongeBob and Lincoln this time! *stomps out of my room, waking the others up, then barges into Lisa's room* LISA! What is this?!
Lisa Loud: *sips a cup of coffee* Technically, this would be my morning coffee.
Lori Loud: Not that! Look at me!
Lisa Loud: *looks at her, then spits out my coffee* Holy shmoly! What happened to you?!
Lori Loud: Your stupid camera happened! *shows her the picture*
Rita and Lynn Loud Sr.: *arrives upstairs*
Rita Loud: Guys, what's with all the scre– *sees Lori* YEEEE-YIKES! Lori, have you put on weight?
Lori Loud: *turns to Rita* Does this answer your question, Mom? *bounces my belly*
Lynn Loud Sr.: Lori, worrying about your body is no excuse for talking back to your mother. But I'm going to let it slide, because I can assume this is Lisa's doing?
Lisa Loud: Yes, father. But in my defense, I wanted to tell her about the new camera's functions.
Lori Loud: Well, it looked like an old school camera! That wasn't me!
Patrick Star: *arrives upstairs* What happened to Lori!
Leni Loud: Yeah, you tell her!
Lily's bear fell to the floor.
Lily Loud: *whimpers*
Lori Loud: Here, Lily, let me get that. *bends down, but hears the sound of fabric ripping, then sees ripping my pants* EEP!
Luan Loud: *starts chuckling*
Squidward Tentacles: Shut up, Luan.
Lori Loud: Don't you say a word.
Lisa Loud: Leni, may I see the camera?
Leni Loud: Sure, I'll go get it.
Patrick Star: Okay.
Leni Loud: *goes back to my room and brings back the camera*
Lisa Loud: Thank you. *looks at the camera* Hmm... just as I thought. It seems I forgot to set the limit for how much weight someone gains using the camera.
Lori Loud: What?
Squidward Tentacles: *growls and leaves*
Patrick Star: Squidward, don't leave.
Slide transition cuts inside Squidward's bathroom. Squid exits the shower after taking a nice long bubble bath.
Squidward Tentacles: I smell good! *finishes shaving some blue facial hair with my razor, then sprays the bathroom after using the toilet and then lights a scented candle, then descends my stairs and is about to get some English Muffins for breakfast*
Suddenly.. BANG!!!
Patrick Star: *offscreen, laughs*
Squidward Tentacles: What the?!! rushes to my third floor gallery windows to see Patrick struggling with a forklift, then facepalms and then kicks my window open* PATRICK!!!
BANG!!!!
Patrick Star: SIZZLED FREZZY?!! Uh what? Oh hey Squidward! Don’t mind me! I’m just using this forklift I got from my Dad to put in a jacuzzi in my yard!
Squidward Tentacles: That's my dumpster and also my yard! Dope!
Patrick Star: Ohhhhhhhh…. that explains why this land and jacuzzi smell like cowfish manure.
Squidward Tentacles: *hops out of my window* For saying that! I’m going to pummel you with my gardening tools! *rushes for Patrick but then bumps into SpongeBob, Lincoln, Leni and Lisa*
SpongeBob SquarePants and Lincoln Loud: *finishes digging a hole*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Okay Patrick! The hole is big enough for your jacuzzi! And yours too Gary!
Gary the Snail: Meow Meow.
SpongeBob and Lincoln along with Leni, Lisa, Patrick and Gary are suddenly grabbed and propped up against Patrick's rock by a fuming Squidward.
Squidward Tentacles: I HAVE HAD IT UP TO HERE!!!!
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Lincoln, Leni and Lisa Loud: *examines Squidward and Lori's head*
Leni Loud: *thinks he's talking about hair* But you’re bald.
Squidward Tentacles: *facepalms again* NO!! I mean’t that I have had it with morons and your stupid snail! Everyday it is something! Yesterday SpongeBob ordered a bunch of Lily's diapers but the mailman accidentally had them all delivered to my house!
Lincoln Loud: And I got them back and they rock!
Squidward Tentacles: Gary ate the enchiladas I cooked for my mother and later expelled them all over my carrots!
Gary the Snail: *tries to hold in a snicker having no remorse over that*
Squidward Tentacles: And Patrick decided to throw a party last night! That only consisted of him!!
Patrick Star: Crazy stuff!
Squidward Tentacles: NO MORE!!!! This neighborhood and I emphasize that this neighborhood used to be peaceful! This was when the first George Bush became president, before the computer came out and before 1973! And it is coming back! TODAY!!
Lori Loud: What?!
Lisa Loud: Well, as I was going to tell you, it started in 1973, the camera has 2 functions in its sides, the left side is how long the effects will last, the right side is where several features for self defense take place. The first is to suddenly freeze in place, the second puts a person to sleep, the third makes a person move slowly, and the 4th is where-
Squidward Tentacles: Lisa?!
Lori Loud: Uh... what does all this mean exactly?
Lisa Loud: It means, it looks like you're going to keep swelling up, Lori.
Lori Loud: What?! Then I gotta lose this weight before I get even bigger!
Squidward Tentacles: We should go now!
Lori Loud and Squidward Tentacles: *runs off*
Lisa Loud: No, wait, Lori, Squidward!
Lori Loud: *busts through the door*
Squidward Tentacles: Moron.
Lincoln Loud: Why do I get the feeling this doesn't work like normal weight gain?
Lisa Loud: It doesn't.
SpongeBob SquarePants and Patrick Star: *looks at each other*
Patrick Star: George Bush is running for president again?
Squidward Tentacles: Bah!! *gets on my recumbent bicycle and bikes off*
Lori Loud: *walks away*
Leni Loud: It's probably in Brooklyn that's running again.
Patrick Star: Oh got ya.
Gary the Snail: *rolls my eyes at SpongeBob, Patrick, Lincoln, Leni and Lisa's stupidity*
Slide transition to the gym...
Lori Loud: Phew! I finally made it! Time to get to work on losing this weight!
Montage: Lori tries to do yoga, but rips the yoga mats and breaks a hole in the floor; Lori runs on the treadmill as other people made fun of her weight, but breaks the treadmill; Lori tries to swim in the pool, but her dive drains all the water; Lori tries to lift weights, but her belly holds the weights better than her arms; all of this is happening while Lori is getting fatter by the minute.
Gym Manager: I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to leave.
Lori Loud: All right... I'll just jog home. *starts jogging, but keeps swelling up as tires out* Oh, man! This is impossible!
Her belt pops off.
Lori Loud: Dang it!
Her family drives up to her.
Lori Loud: Well, it's about time!
The family works together to push her in.
The scene cuts to a housing agent filing some paperwork at the housing market. Squidward is shown sitting on a chair peacefully waiting for an answer. The agent finishes.
Housing Agent: Mr. Squidward Quincy Tentacles, when did you move into your house you currently live in?
Squidward Tentacles: January 17, 1983.
Housing Agent: Does your house come with a warranty?
Squidward Tentacles: It did,.. until my third cousin stole it at my bachelor's party many years ago.
Housing Agent: Any housing issues?
Squidward Tentacles: Nope, not as of recent.
The agent signs the final document.
Housing Agent: So tell me, why are you looking to have these residents evicted?
Squidward Tentacles: I already told you, they are hopeless morons that probably are lovebirds for each other and have no idea how to grow up. It's time to make my neighborhood great again!
Housing Agent: Dr. Eggman?
Squidward Tentacles: I hate Eggman...
Housing Agent: Okay Mr. Tentacles, according to your quota, we technically can not evict people until they commit a real offense. All you have listed is that these people have blown bubbles..
Squidward Tentacles: That exploded into my retinas forcing eyeball flushes!
Housing Agent: You can clean soap out of your eyes, it's not major. Also, you said that there is a pet snail that invades your premises.
Squidward Tentacles: Yeah! It's a disgusting slug as well.
Housing Agent: We deal with houses and other expenses, animal control deals with pets.
Squidward Tentacles: *gulps since my arguments are becoming invalid*
Housing Agent: And your home is invaded?
Squidward Tentacles: Yes! 62 times! A DAY!
Housing Agent: Was anything stolen?
Squidward Tentacles: Well uh……. no.
Housing Agent: Unless if you want to talk to the cops, that is otherwise not bad then if no robbery was committed.
Squidward Tentacles: Oh believe me, I talked to the cops many times! And they still make fun of me!
Housing Agent: Well sorry Mr. Tentacles, but unless you get a real offense reported, I otherwise can not help your issue. Good day sir.
The housing agent leaves, escorted by his secretary who hands him a kelp soda.
Squidward Tentacles: *exits the housing market and kicks a trash can over angrily* Stupid housing agent! I’ll show that coward that these morons must leave the neighborhood immediately! Time to get some English muffins first though.
The scene cuts to Patrick Star watching football on his TV using a satellite. Squidward crawls on top of the rock.
Squidward Tentacles: Since this agent won’t evict these beasts of burden through offense, then they must be evicted by poor house management! Oops! *cuts the satellite's connection with bolt cutters*
Patrick's TV turns to static. He spits out some cheese fries he was eating.
Patrick Star: WHAT THE?! Hey!! I was about to see a touchdown!
Squidward Tentacles: *snickers*
When he overhears Patrick's anger. He then stops when he sees smaller rocks being thrown at the satellite. Patrick is doing it.
Patrick Star: Stupid piece of tin! WORK!!
After two more rocks knock the satellite into a working hotspot, a third rock accidentally hits Squidward in the face knocking him down for the count.
TV Announcer: *from Patrick's reconnected TV* Touchdown Bikini Bottom and Royal Woods!
Patrick Star: YAY!!!!!! You stink, Sealand! *goes back inside to watch the game*
Squidward Tentacles: Ouch.
Slide transition to the Loud House.
Lisa Loud: I tried to tell you that exercise wouldn't get rid of this new weight, but no one listens.
Lori Loud: Oh... can this get any worse?
A sudden gurgle noise came from Lori's belly.
Lori Loud: Uh-oh!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Take cover!
The heroes hide behind the couch, and with a sharp breath.
Lori Loud: *starts to get fatter, as a button pops off her shorts*
Lincoln Loud: I have an idea!
He quickly goes to the closet and comes out with a buttoned sweater, a giant pair of suspenders, and a heavy belt.
Lincoln Loud: This should slow down the swelling.
All the Heroes: *puts the clothes on Lori, and the swelling seemingly stopped*
Lincoln Loud: There!
Lori Loud: I think it's working! I think it's– *groans in pain and swells even more, snapping the buttons, suspenders and belt, leaving me in my underwear* I gotta get to my room, quick! *waddles as fast*
As she can to her room, and eventually comes back with bigger versions of her clothes, which are tightening already.
Luna Loud: Maybe the swelling will just stop on its own.
Lori's voice is slightly deeper.
Lori Loud: I hope so, 'cause I don't want to be a huge fat girl forever! *thinks, then gets an idea* I know! If I was able to get fatter using the camera, then using the camera a second time will bring me back to normal!
Leni Loud: Great idea! *goes upstairs and comes back with the camera*
Lisa Loud: But, Lori...
Lori Loud: No buts about it! *strikes a pose*
Leni Loud: *takes my photo* All right, let's see. *looks at the photo and gasps horrified*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Well, how does it look?
Leni Loud: *shows him the photo, except it shows Lori ten times fatter than before, almost taking up the whole frame*
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star and Lincoln Loud: Uh-oh...
Lori Loud: What's wrong?
Leni Loud: *shows her the photo*
Lori Loud: Oh, no... I can feel it already... *starts swelling up* I gotta get outside before I grow bigger!
All the Heroes: *helps push her outside*
Lori's arms and legs merged with her body, her shirt rode up before splitting in two, her pants popped off, her fingers became shaped like marshmallow, her cheeks puffed up, she grew 5 chins, and her belly plopped to the ground.
Lori Loud: *voice significantly deeper* Help me!
SpongeBob SquarePants: You're too big for us to roll you anywhere, Lori!
Lisa Loud: At this rate, you'll either explode, or grow bigger than the house!
The scene transitions to SpongeBob sitting at his kitchen table making some origami.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *makes an elephant* Lalalalalalala!
Squidward Tentacles: *observes from outside* Windows sure are dirty, oh my bad, just these ones! *begins egging the windows getting SpongeBob's attention*
SpongeBob SquarePants: *opens his back door and is also pelted with raw eggs* HELP!!!! AAAH!
Squidward Tentacles: Leave this property!!
SpongeBob SquarePants: *retreats back inside*
Squidward Tentacles: *finishes egging the house*
Squidward Tentacles: Aha!
Leni Loud: *saves SpongeBob* Don't panic! We just gotta think positive!
Patrick Star: Yeah, positive!
Lincoln Loud: Positive... *gasps* Positive! Of course! We can make the photo negative! We should've connected the dots! Come on guys! To photoshop!
All the heroes: *drives off, then drives back to get Squidward and Lori*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Sorry, Squidward and Lori.
Lori Loud: It's okay, as long as it works.
Slide transition cuts to photoshop.
All the Heroes: *bursts through the front door with Lori*
Human Store Owner: Whoa! What is that?
Lori's voice is even deeper.
Lori Loud: I'm a girl who needs help, that's what I am!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Can you take this camera in and transfer the negatives? It's an emergency.
Human Store Owner: That'll be two dollars, please.
Rita Loud: *pays up*
Human Store Owner: I'll be right back.
Lincoln Loud Hurry!
Lori swelled up to the point where she can't see anything past her chins.
Lori Loud: I can't breathe!
Her flabby cheeks start covering her mouth as she bursts out of her clothes, leaving her in her underwear and her skin begins to creak.
Lisa Loud: She's going to explode!
Human Store Owner: Done! *shows the photo, where Lori is the size she was originally, and the swelling instantly stops*
Lori Loud: Phew! *shrinks back to her normal size*
Lincoln Loud: How do you feel, Lori?
Lori Loud: I feel skinny again... and alive! And as for that camera…
Slide transition to the house suddenly has all the eggy mess sucked off clean.
Squidward Tentacles and Lori Loud: WHAT?! *suddenly hears a click and turns to see Gary armed with an egg gun, then picks up some materials*
Lori Loud: Stay back snail! We got gardening tools!
Gary, unfazed, avenges SpongeBob by pelting Lori with her own carton of eggs which are rotten and reek horribly.
Lori Loud: *growls, then bumps into Squidward's fence and then falls into a nest of small jellyfish with Squidward*
Squidward Tentacles and Lori Loud: Uh oh.
The jellyfish sting a screaming Squidward and Lori into a red gum drop.
Lincoln Loud: *runs to SpongeBob*
Patrick Star: *bursts out of my rock in excitement and bursts right into SpongeBob's house* SPONGEBOB! SPONGEBOB!!
Leni Loud: LINCOLN! LINCOLN!!
SpongeBob SquarePants and Lincoln Loud: *finishes cleaning the eggs off of him*
SpongeBob SquarePants: What Patrick and Leni?!
Patrick Star: We just beat Sealand! 24-20! We’re going to the bubble bowl! Oh we gotta celebrate! Let's party naked!
SpongeBob SquarePants: YAY!!!!
Patrick Star: Hoot! Hoot!
Gary the Snail: *slithers through my pet door in a superior air and following is a smelly and dirty Squidward and Lori with several jellyfish stings and other bruises*
Squidward Tentacles: *gets my tentacles ready and wants to strangle SpongeBob and Patrick for what they put me through* Come here dopes!
A knock is suddenly heard at the back door. SpongeBob opens it to find the housing agent and a police officer.
Lori Loud: Hi Officer!
Squidward Tentacles: Oh sweet justice! Arrest them all and their dumb pet before I am confined to a wheelchair.
Police Officer: We ain’t here for them!
Squidward Tentacles: What do you mean?
Housing Agent: According to our records you have not paid your bills and taxes in three months Mr. Tentacles and Ms. Lori Loud.
Squidward Tentacles: But that's not my fault! Our boss never pays us!
Lori Loud: Yeah, I'm not listening, officer!
Housing Agent: I’m all about business, I don’t listen to sympathy. Cuff them.
Squidward and Lori are handcuffed by the officer for tax evasion and are escorted to the police car. Squidward and Lori are hauled away to jail.
Squidward Tentacles: I didn't do it!
Lori Loud: Yeah, I didn't do anything!!!!
The police car with Squidward and Lori, the agent and the officer speed away into the sunset.
Patrick Star: *gets stupidly* So George Bush is not running for president?
Leni Loud: Royal Woods Mall is a great place to live!
*It says "THE END" Episode ends*
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