Three, Two, One

Inspired by and .
They hadn't even left the window open. 
And yet, three, thin not-quite-kittens sleep around their newborn daughter.
Hermann sighs, snaps a picture, and goes to find Vanessa. 
"What do you think of another cat?" he asks. 
"Well, we just had a baby," answers Vanessa, idly stroking one of their two Kurilian Bobtails. 
Hermann shows her the picture.
"I guess we have another three cats," she remarks. "You'd better finish your book." 
"As soon as I bring them to the vet."
"You go write and /I'll get the cats."
"My darling, I don't want you to strain your stitches."
"I'll leave it to Sasha, then."
"Very well," Hermann concedes, fetches his laptop, and joins her on the chesterfield. 
.
When the baby wails an hour or so later, Hermann delivers her to Vanessa and then fetches the catcarrier. 
"Not hungry?" he asks as Vanessa re-buttons her blouse. 
"Lonely, I think. Sit down, love. Have a baby." 
Infant tucked safely in a nest between Hermann and Big Sasha, Vanessa slowly gets to her feet, feeling as creaky and stiff as... something old and rusty with disuse. "Love," she huffs, "I'm not made of glass. I won't break by stretching."
"I know, but I can't help worry."
"I'll take it easy, and Bigger Sasha'll yowl if something goes wrong, won't you, my walking carpet?"
Bigger Sasha purrs.
The three not-quite-kittens had gravitated together in the absence of their baby sun. One sleeps in a tight curl in the 'V' of his brothers, one of whom sprawled on his back, half off/half the third cat who in turn watches Vanessa carefully but quietly. 
Until he notices the carrier. 
Then he sighs, and all three are suddenly awake and sitting. 
Curler slumps and looks to Watcher. 
Sprawler wails and topples over. 
"Are you well?" calls Hermann. 
"That was the cat, love," answers Vanessa. 
Watcher huffs, and then he and Curler slip between the crib bars, slinking despondently into the box. 
Sprawler continues to play dead.
Vanessa lowers the crib wall. 
Sprawler cracks open an eye. 
"You're a little drama llama, aren't you?" 
Eye slides shut. 
Vanessa tries really hard to not laugh. 
He keeps it up for a good minute and then realizes no one's really paying attention, so he flops onto his stomach and stares up at her beseechingly.
(Let it not be said she ever would have thought to use 'beseechingly' to describe a cat.)
Bigger Sasha meows plaintively from the door. 
"You have something to say?" 
Bigger Sasha meows again. 
"Not too sure how to interpret that, Carpet." To Sprawler, she gives him a Look: "Are we doing this the easy way or the hard way?"
Sprawler pouts. 
"The hard way, then." She scoops him up and pours him on the floor as a noodle-y ball of fur--at least until he lays eyes on Bigger Sasha and then he's almost cartoon-like trying to get away. 
Bigger Sasha's waiting for this and barrels forwards, pouncing in short order and pinning Sprawler to the floor. 
"The cat?" calls Hermann. 
"The cat."
Bigger Sasha licks Sprawler's head and removes his paw. 
Sprawler still refuses to comply and scuttles backwards (underneath Bigger Sasha) for the crib. 
Bigger Sasha looks at Vanessa, quite clearly saying, 'Children. They never learn.' and grabs Sprawler by the scruff of his neck. 
He does not go quietly, protesting loudly even as Bigger Sasha drags him to the carrier and headbutts him in bum-over-teakettle.
.
The vet tells Vanessa the three have microchips, that the not-quite-kittens are, in fact, just a few months out of kittenhood, barely behind on their shots, fixed, and belong to a woman on the other side of town. 
This last piece of news sits like a stone on her heart. 
"I'm sure she'll be thrilled that you found them. Would you like to leave contact information?"
She forces a smile. "I would, thank you."
Vanessa doesn't have the heart to bring Bigger Sasha's carrier in from the car. 
That house feels emptier that night. 
Big Sasha is quick to snap, Bigger Sasha only noses his supper, and the baby barely sleeps. 
.
The vet calls first thing the next morning. "About the cats..."
"Yes?" asks Hermann. 
"Their previous owner now lives in an assisted-living facility. We thought we'd ask you first, in case--"
"We'll be by within the hour," says Hermann. 
"They'll be ready to go."
"Thank you."
"Thank /you."
They hang up. 
Hermann creeps from the house and goes next door. 
"'ey, my brother!" greets Tendo. "Rough night?"
"Good morning," replies Hermann. "The roughest yet. My good man, I must ask a favour."
"If it's in my power, consider it done. If it's not, well, I'm sure I'll figure something out."
"I have an errand to run, and I want to let Vanessa and the baby sleep."
"Alison!" calls Tendo. 
""Listening!""
"Wanna be creepy and watch people sleep?"
"A hundred ways to put it, Mr Choi, and you use that one."
""Do I like these people?""
"Vanessa and Gottliebling." 
""My favourite people to be creepy at."" She's downstairs in a moment. "Good morning, Hermann."
He smiles warmly. "Good morning, Alison. How are you?" 
"Better than you," she grins, asks Tendo "You trying to sneak away my kid?" 
"I would never dare even think such a thought, O Great One, merely assumed you would more enjoy the peace and quiet." 
"Knew I married you for a reason. Don't overdo the chocolate this time, Choi," she warns, kissing his cheek. 
"For me or for Felix?" 
"Both." She breezes by. "Have a nice day, Hermann." 
"You too, Alison, Tendo, thank you very much." 
"Bah, you've given me time to enact my evil scheme," replies Tendo. 
"I'd like to see you try!" calls Alison. "You're very welcome, Hermann." 
.
The not-quite-kittens are Cheung, Jin, and Hu, all underweight, nearly bald, and shivering pathetically in a cardboard box. 
"They figured out the latch in an hour," explains the vet. 
"Then they have an advantage over my colleagues," Hermann replies drily. 
She laughs, and hands him Cheung. "I'd say he's a fraidy cat, but he's got two brothers so I'm cracking it up to him being the eldest." 
"That sounds more like a little brother," says Hermann, "speaking from experience." 
"You'll see what I mean. Now for the troublemaker." 
Jin goes in the carrier. 
"I mean, the three of them are, he's just worse." 
Hermann controls a laugh into a smile. "Is there anything else I should be aware of?" 
Hu's next. "This little guy's lugs are a little underdeveloped," she reports. "He'll be prone to coughing, but unless it's so bad he's retching, he should be fine." 
"Thank you very much, Doctor." 
"You're welcome, Doctor. I'm glad you can give them a good home." 
.
Tendo helps him bring the carrier into the house. 
The moment the door's open, cats explode from the carrier and shake the smell of vet and box off their fur. Then they're off down the hall, Cheung taking point, Hu at his flank, and Jin bringing up the rear. They thoroughly investigate the baby's room, but, finding it empty, continue through the house. 
Cheung noses open the door to the master, sweeps the room, then pushes the rest of the way in. 
Jin shoots by and leaps onto the bed, only to tumble over himself in his haste to get away from Bigger Sasha. 
Hu sits by Vanessa's side of the bed, one paw up as if pleading, and meows. 
Bigger Sasha huffs and stands.
"You want up?" she asks. 
Hu meows again. 
Bigger Sasha seizes Jin by the scruff of his neck, and drags him back over to his spot.
"Can you make it up?" 
Hu leaps onto the bed and beelines for the baby. 
Bigger Sasha sits down and tucks Jin under a paw. 
.
Hermann returns later that day with tags and a number of collars. He clips a violet one to Hu but when Cheung and Jin get their happy red ones, they wail. 
"Quiet, you lot. Tuberculosis, a lung affliction, was originally isolated with purple dye. Not," he says to Hu, "that you have tuberculosis." 
Three mouths clicked shut. 
The next day, Cheung drags a purple facecloth into their bed. 
The day after that, Jin tries on Vanessa's mauve shirt... while she's still wearing it. 
A few nights later, Vanessa's trying to relax her sore muscles in a bath (why /everything should hurt after she just had a baby she doesn't know, but she does and it /sucks) when she hears a yowl, some crashing, and a thud. 
"Love?" she calls. 
Her mobile chimes with a text: Jin, it reads, and a picture of the Sashas in front of the TV, the bigger of which with two tails. 
Cheung slips into the washroom, tail drooping, and leaps onto the side of the tub where he promptly passes out. 
Vanessa replies, 'Cheung's asleep. How's everyone else?'
Another picture: the baby's cradled in his arm and Hu's draped himself over his thigh, apparently reading the same textbook.
.
Two weeks of five cats and a baby, after almost everything of the 900~htz spectrum in the house gravitates to the triplets' territory, Vanessa says to Hermann, "I think they want to match." 
So Cheung gets an orchid collar and Jin gets one in lavender.
Category:Ficlet
Category:Cats
Category:Cat!AU
Category:Hermann
Category:Hermann (ficlet)
Category:Vanessa
Category:Vanessa (ficlet)
Category:Wei triplets
Category:Wei triplets (ficlet)
Category:Vanessa is a mom
Category:Hermann is a dad
Category:Tendo is a dad
Category:Alison is a mom
Category:Alison
Category:Alison (ficlet)
Category:Tendo
Category:Tendo (ficlet)
Category:Felix
Category:Felix (ficlet)
Category:Tall Sasha
Category:Taller Sasha
Category:Tall Sasha (ficlet)
Category:Taller Sasha (ficlet)
Category:Hermann is a professor
Category:Wei triplets are triplets
Category:Wei triplets adore children
Category:Gottliebling
Category:Gottliebling (ficlet)