The Eye of Argon Chapter 7

With wobbling knees and swimming head, the priest that had lapsed into an epileptic siezure rose unsteadily to his feet.
"Crap, just how much tequila did I drink? The last thing I remember is dancing the mambo with that orchid-haired chick with the big boobs, and carving up cheese with a chainsaw..."
While enacting his choking fit in writhing agony, the shaman was overlooked by Grignr.
Which I'm sure has NO significance at all! I'm sure NOTHING will happen because of this little mistake.
https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-gdVc-hjbdT8/VWLTPOBLiKI/AAAAAAAAKEg/AQoRuSpOORE/s400/spock%2B-%2Ba%2Bdazzling%2Bdisplay%2Bof%2Blogic.jpg
The barbarian had mistaken the siezure for the death throes of the acolyte, allowing the priest to avoid his stinging blade.
Greg is kinda dumb, so he failed to notice that somebody had stuffed a wallet in the acolyte's mouth.
The sight that met the priests inflamed eyes nearly served to sprawl him upon the floor once more.
"No, not that! Anything but Manos, The Hands of Fate!"
The sacrificial sat it grim, blood splattered silence all around him,
Let's see... hmm.... no, no. "Sacrificial" is never ever a noun. And no, don't ask what "sat it grim, blood spattered silence" means, because it doesn't make any sense to me.
broken only by the occasional yelps and howles of his maimed and butchered fellows.
"I think I'll go for a walk!"
Above his head rose the hideous idol, its empty socket holding the shaman's ifurbished infuriated gaze.
iFurbish: the electronic renovation by Apple.
And I love how this guy is surrounded by dying screaming people, but somehow he immediately notices that a JEWEL has been stolen. Couldn't he have at least gone around and checked on a few of those SCREAMING DYING PEOPLE?
https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-kP4djhXCuR0/VVrBwpcqlqI/AAAAAAAAJtI/R3BbRwvJcj0/s400/pardon%2Bmy%2Bfrench%2Bbut%2Byou%2527re%2Ban%2Basshole.gif
His eyes turned to a stoney glaze with the realization of the pillage and blasphemy.
It's a light blue glaze that gives it a very sophisticated finish, especially on white clay.
Due to his high succeptibility following the siezure, the priest was transformed into a raving maniac bent soley upon reaking vengeance.
 "reak" - it means a prank or a rush (as in a plant).
Now I don't know a lot about epilepsy, so I may be wrong about this. As a result, I am taking all my information from wikipedia's entry on grand-mal (or tonic-clonic) seizures: an epileptic seizure does not turn you into a crazy berserker. When you wake up, you're more likely to sit around being worn-out and disoriented,
With lips curled and quivering, a crust of foam dripping from them, 
 How do your lips curl and quiver at the same time? Curling involves tensing your muscles into rigidity.
How does a crust drip?
Why am I still expecting logic from this bad acid trip?
the acolyte drew a long, wicked looking jewel hilted scimitar from his silver girdle
So they give the guy who's prone to grand-mal seizures... has a giant sword which is not mentioned as having any scabbard. This is REALLY smart.
and fled through the aperature in the ceiling
"Stairs? Who needs stairs? I am a random minor villain, so I can levitate!"
uttering a faintly perceptible ceremonial jibberish.
... why? I mean, is "I shall have revenge for the theft of the Eye of Argon" so hard to say?
Category:Jim Theis
Category:The Eye of Argon
Category:High Fantasy
Category:Sword and Sorcery