Haven Herald/Vol. 96, No. 29

Vol. 96, No. 29 of the Haven Herald was a promotional issue released by Syfy between the second and third seasons of Haven. It was distributed at the 2012 New York Comic-ConNotes From New York Comic Con: Haven Panel from romisreviews.com and was awarded to contest winners as part of the Escape to Haven campaign.Escape to Haven Transcript at the Haven Public Library
Vince and Dave Teagues (credited as David) each contributed three articles to this edition of the paper. There are also articles by Amber Dixon, and Rudy Lucassi. The advice column "Ask Auntie Em" is written by Emma Dunkirk. There is also an interview with local horror author Stephen Bachman by Lawrence Fellows.
This edition of the Herald is set shortly after Garland Wuornos's death."Spiral" An interview with new HPD Officer Audrey Parker references (and covers-up the disturbances caused by T. J. Smith's Trouble)"A Tale of Two Audreys" and "Interior Asphalt A Headache For Haven" covers-up the cracks in the road caused by Wuornos' Trouble. There are also follow-up articles for some of the season one stories: a scholarship fund has been created in Matthew West's memory,"The Hand You're Dealt" and Simon Hessberg has dismissed the entire supervisory board of the Hessberg Medical Center in the wake of the drug selling scheme perpetrated by Nurses Rand and Wilson."Ain't No Sunshine"
==Transcripts==
===Haven Police Department Makes A Special Addition===
by Vince Teagues, Herald Staff Writer
    A stolen car screeches down
an alleyway with a drug cartel
henchman behind the wheel. Its
glaring headlights reveal the solitary
lawman staring down the speeding
car with gun drawn, death an almost
certainty for one of them. To most,
just a scenario for the silver screen;
but for former FBI Special Agent
Audrey Parker, it was just another
day at the office. Until she gave
it all up to join the Haven Police
Department.
    What would draw an accomplished
FBI agent to a lower-paying and	lower-profile civil servant position
here in Haven? "I choose to live and
work in Haven for the same reason
most other people do I suppose,"
Officer Parker explained, grinning.
"It's quiet, nothing much happens...
and I happen to like it that way."
    While Officer Parker's sentiments
are indeed echoes by most
Havenites, recent reports have
tarnished Haven's reputation for
quiet coastal living. With a sharp rise
in "nuisances calls," the Haven Police
Department has been stretched to its
limit. So what does Haven's newest	police officer think about the sudden
influx in activity?
    "It doesn't matter if it's pranksters
putting red food coloring into the
water system, or freakish wind
and weather whippings frogs into
windshields," said Parker. "Whatever
troubles a Havener troubles me
too — so even if a call turns out to 
be nothing...no citizen will ever be
treated as anything but important."
    Bravo, Officer Parker and welcome
to our little town, where nothing
ever happens.
===Interior Asphalt A Headache For Haven===
by Vince Teagues, Herald Staff Writer
    George Finch is lucky to be alive.
Only a block from his Elm Street auto
repair shop, Finch's car overturned
when the road suddenly split in two.
While Finch feels fortunate to have
escaped unharmed, he fumes over the
cause of his close call. "There cracks
are gonna kill somebody! Seriously,
it's getting to be you can't step on the
street without it splitting like a melon,"
Finch said.
    Though initial suspicions of
possible seismic activity were thought
to be behind the damage, further
investigation by the Department
of Public Works points to another
culprit. "This is an asphalt issue," said	Public Works Director Ron Richards
addressing a group of concerned citizens
at yesterday's Town Hall meeting.
"Outside contractors were brought in
on our roadwork renovations last year
and clearly used inferior asphalt. This is
a costly reminder that the problems of	Haven are best handled by the people
of Haven."
    Finch isn't the only one voicing
concern over the chasm-like road
cracks springing up all over town; many
residents and business owners have
lodged formal complains with the
city. "It's not just a safety issue," School
Bus Driver JoJo Wilson said. "It's an
eyesore, and we just don't tolerate that
sort of things here."
    It now seems likely that Proposition
11, which ensures that all Public
Works projects in Haven are granted
exclusively to local business, is on its
way to passage — a prospect many feel
marks the road to recovery.
===Ink Think Horror Heavyweight To Host Haven Book Signing===
by Lawrence Fellows
Special To The Daily
===Hessberg Medical Center Overhauls Staff===
by Amber Dixon, Contributing Columnist To The Herald
    It has been quite a year for the
Hessberg Medical Center: record
number of patient deaths and now
record staff firings. After leaked
inquest reports revealed the Hessberg
Medical Center had a mortality rate
that nearly tripled the national average,
Medical Center owner Simon Hessberg
discharged the entire supervising
board.
    Though accusations of staff
overmedication persist, Hessberg
insists it is the repeated claim of a
"shadow man" stalking the halls that
have frightened the patients to death.
Newly appointed staff psychologist
Rowen Moore is well aware of the	urban legend haunting Hessberg
Medical Center. "When mentally
vulnerable patients hear tall tales about
deadly shadows, even a simple plant
shadow can send their blood pressure
to dangerous levels."	    Moore echoes Simon Hessberg's
insistence that this is a new day for the
much maligned Medical Center. With
stricter policies aimed at protecting
patients and holding the staff
accountable, the administration has
even incorporated "pitch black night,"
where every light is extinguished after
10pm. Still, this has brought little
comfort to gullible patients. "Doctor
Moore says we're mistaking shadows
of things like plants for people,"
said a resident who asked to remain
anonymous. "I've watered many a plant
in my day, never had a fern shadow try
and kill me yet. This is different. This
is real."
===Haven Hunt Club Takes Aim At New Membership===
by David Teagues, Herald Staff Writer
    Next Saturday, the Haven Hunt Club
will celebrate is 180th anniversary
with a membership drive. Though	often criticized as an elitist institution
HHC manager Tobias Gillespie refutes
rumors that a recent membership
nosedive is behind this latest push.
    "There were a few incidences of rabid
wolf attacks that have scared off some
members, but that just tells me they
were never real hunters to begin with,"
Gillespie said. But with substantially
lower annual fees and fewer references
required, requests for HCC applications
have tripled.
    Though a small but vocal group of
animal rights protestors continues to	protest the club's activities, sentiment
among local hunters is decidedly
different. "I don't know what's out
there, I just know that people have
been ripped to pieces," said new HHC
member Lou Johnson. "The more
skilled hunters we have in Haven, the
better off we all are. There's things in
these woods that need killing."
    The HHC membership drive
and anniversary celebration begins
next Saturday and will run for three
consecutive weeks.
===Haven Tattoo Shop Gets Under Parents Skin===
by David Teagues, Herald Staff Writer
    It's summertime in Haven and skin is in.
The sudden surge in "skin art" has some
local parents up in arms. Tatto artist
Russel Xavier, co-owner of Punk Parlor
Tattoodenies any claims of underage
tattooing. An artist and tattoo designer
known for his edgy Celtic inspired
designs, Xavier drew grim notoriety after
his signature "Celtic circle" appeared on	the bodies of two local men, one of whom
was a recently paroled felon.
    "I don't want my child patterning
himself after a convicted killer," said Haven
Parents Association President Keshia
Evans. Evans is just one of many parents
seeking to have their child's tattoo removed
after harassment. "We've had threatening
calls from strange men at all hours of the
	
night demanding we get my son's tattoo
off before they rip it off. I don't know who
there were but I certainly believed them."
    What do the designs mean? Apparently,
not much. "People bug me all the time
about the meaning of my designs, but
they're just doodles," Xavier said. "All I'm
trying to do is create something cool and
fresh." Some claim that the "Celtic circle"	tattoo design, is hardly "fresh". In the
Eastside Cemetery, several headstones
going back a century bear a nearly identical
symbol, the origins of which remain
unknown.
    "Kids need to understand that some
symbols hold meaning and bring certain...
consequences to the wearer. Think before
you ink."
===Scholarship Established in Student's Honor===
 by Vince Teagues, Herald Staff Writer
    Students of Haven High School with
ambitions in the field of law may now
be aided in their studies thanks in part
to newly established Matthew West
Scholarship.
    Matthew "Matty" West was a victim
of a fatal fire during a movie screening
at Dockside Green several months 
ago, the cause of which remains under
investigation. While no cause for the
fire has been determined, several nearby
businesses owners reported hearing West
involved in a violent argument moments
before the fatal explosion. Officer [[Audrey Parker|Audrey
Parker of the Haven Police Department
assures citizens this remains under
investigation.
    The West family felt compelled to find
a bright light in this dark tie. "We were
besides ourselves with grief," Matthew's
mother Lorna West said. "We needed
something positive to focus on." Though
in many ways a typical teen that loved
video games and junk food, "Matty had
a burning commitment to the ideas of
justice and equality," his mother said. "If	
he thought something was unfair, he'd do
whatever it took to make it right."
    The Matthew West Scholarship will give
a small bursary to one Haven High School
students pursuing a law-related education
who demonstrates a commitment to the
ideals of justice and equality for all.
===Haven Elemtary 3rd Grader Wins Poetry Contest===
by David Teagues, Herald Staff Writer
===An Apple A Day===
By Dr. Rudy Lucassi, Contributing Columnist To The Herald
    A patient came into my office sobbing, visibly
shaken and incoherent. She'd experienced vivid
hallucinations of her deceased husband while out
shopping. The abusive man who'd terrorized her
throughout their marriage was now doing so from
beyond the grave. That same day a young man
who'd been terrified by dogs as a child had similar
hallucinations of a rabid dog charging him in a local
store. It was an alarming reminder of a growing
problem few "Havenites" care to address... sleep
deprivation.
    When pressed for answers, both patients reluctantly
admitted that they operated on less than four hours'
sleep most days. We might associate such stress-inducing
sleep loss with a solely urban lifestyle, but	the truth is that modern life makes great demands on
our time and energies wherever we live.
    So what is an overworked and under-slept Havenite
to do? Unfortunately, the answer seems to be to put
sleep back on the schedule. Another recent patient
came in after hallucinating a "scary clown" at the bus
station. Her busy life as a federal law-enforcement
agent was clearly impinging on her sleep schedule. I
prescribed a new sleep ritual and eight hours reserved
for sleep, every night. I'm proud to say it must have
solved her problems — I haven't heard from her since.
    Remember: physical and mental health go hand in
hand, so don't be afraid to slap that snooze button a
time or two...it's just what the doctor ordered.
===Ask Auntie Em===
By Emma Dunkirk, Advice Columnist
==Notes==
==References==
Category:Haven Herald editions