Cats of Lin

Lin Feng's semi secret cat sanctuary.
==Crisis==
prokopetz: "I’m pretty sure literally everything about housecats can be explained in terms of a constant existential crisis between “I am the most perfect killing machine ever devised” and “I am one foot tall”.
Blake drops a dead mouse at Feng's feet.
Feng puts down the bag of cat food--
Princess of Darkness throws herself in. 
--and crouches.
Blake shoves his head into his hand. 
Feng rubs his ears. "Well aren't you just the most perfect killing machine ever devised."
Logan, lying on the Couch of Questionable Cleanliness with his latest Bond novel, says, "I'm pretty sure if anyone devised a ‘most perfect killing machine' it would be more than a foot tall."
Moonlight stalks along the couch back. 
Feng wraps the mouse in a rag and tucks it away. "Hence the constant existential crisis which explains pretty much everything about a cat's behaviour."
Logan concedes.
"Also, tribbles?"
Logan smacks himself in the face with his book, says, ""I’m never letting Jack show you StarTrek ever again.""
Feng grins as he scoops up Blake and stands. 
Moonlight pounces. 
Book goes flying. 
Feng whispers, "Told him so."
==Devourers of Canon==
Originally posted here. 
ao3tagoftheday:
:emptycel: 
::ao3tagoftheday: 
:::tryingthisfangirlthing: 
::::ao3tagoftheday:
:::::The Ao3 Tag of the Day is: All hail the canon devouring kittens
::::I am honestly beginning to love these kittens.
::::Canon? What canon? *kitten glomps, I snuggle...
::::Good kitty. That was bad canon anyways.
:::Someone write a fic about the canon devouring kittens.
::“No, no, no, that won’t work,” the Lords and Ladies of Fandom murmur in unison. “Send in the Devourers.”
::The Three Kittens of Meta, Art, and Story are released into the canon.
::“No one dies in the movie Serenity,” the Lords and Ladies whisper. “Firefly continues for another seven seasons. Make it so.” 
::The Kittens FEAST.
:I appreciate this.
A canon-devouring kitten tried but failed:
Max Hansen (English bulldog) sleeps on a chair in a rec room of the Hong Kong Shatterdome.
A Kitten of Lin, rescued earlier that month by Shaolin Rogue’s klutz of a novice, approaches.
Max sleeps on.
The kitten creeps.
Max sleeps.
The kitten scales the chair.
Max woffles, slumbers.
The kitten assesses.
Max snores.
The kitten pounces! Sinks its tiny teeth into Max’s flank.
Max grunts, rolls over–
The kitten squeaks, worms out from underneath, shakes, tosses Max a dirty look, leaps from the chair, and hightails it out of there.
The dog will live another day.
==Posted Elsewhere==
===Fridge===
Please see "The Fridge Ate the Cat". 
===Cat burglar===
Please see "Stoled" and "Thieved". 
==Payroll==
===ID===
One of the Cats of Lin commutes from the city. At the Shatterdome, 
"ID, please."
""Meow.""
"Thank you, Lexy."
===Cart!Cat===
There's an official unofficial cart!cat, too, and can frequently be seen in the passenger seat of carts
someone gets it a little hi-vis vest.
It refuses to wear the hard hat, though.
Or the steel mesh slippers. no. no, definitely not, it does /not appreciate the slippers. there was silly walking and then gnawing.
Cart!Cat grudgingly agreed to transportation in a snuggy, though shoulders are preferred
I love the visual of cats in snuggys.
It's the legs that're getting me in mine XD
===Unions===
Xiong's like, "who ever would have thought giant aliens would mean employing a pest control division staffed by felines." Pause. "I have cats on payroll. I am paying a salary to cats."
Add that to the list of weirdness she has to deal with.
"Do cats have to pay taxes? Who do we ask if cats have to pay taxes?"
"Can they unionize?"
"What's the standard for parental leave?"
"I have to go pet a cat to calm down now."
"Nang?" 
Nang attends mid-coffee. 
"Can the pest control department unionize?"
"Uh, what?"
"Can the army of cats preventing an infestation of mice band together with a common goal and demand benefits?" 
Nang blinks. 
Nang blinks again. 
"Why am I not more weirded out that this is a serious conversation?" 
"We did have to formally apologize to Minnie Mouse last week."
And then Cherno shows up squawking about directions and Xiong realizes having cats on payroll really isn't the weirdest thing she deals with, and then she discovers that she's not terribly perturbed by that
>spittake<
On an original draft, yes, that was Nang's reaction
XD
nice to know i have something in common with the fabulous Nang.
==Names==
queersherlockian: 
:my giant kitten's official name is, Sophie Howl, but we also call her; Darkness, Baby Sister, Midnight, Fluffy, Wee Floof, Lil Chunky Butt, Inky, Princess, and Snugglebuns.
:do other ppl have like a dozen names for their pets or are we just nuts??? probably both.😂😂😂
「Hello, Howl,」 coos Feng.
「Maau,」greets Howl.
Logan grabs a bag of kitty litter.
「Would you like breakfast, Darkness?」
「Maaaaaaaau.」
「Breakfast it is!」 Feng sits back on his heels. 「Would my Baby Sister—」
Logan pauses near the bin.
「—like chicken or fish this morning?」
「Maaaaaaaaaau.」
Feng shoots a grin to Logan. 「Just a nickname, promise!」
Logan rolls his eyes—
「Maaaaaaaaaaaaau!」
「I'm going, Fluffy,」 promises Feng.
—dumps the scoop.
「Maaaaaaaaaau.」
「If you try claiming your uncle's an oven or something—」
「Of course not—」
「Maaaau!!!!」
「Not to worry, wee floof.」 Feng—「Would you be so kind as to—」
「As you wish, small fry.」 Logan gets down the bag of fish-flavoured cat food.
「Thank you!」
「Don't keep putting so high.」
「But then I wouldn't have to ask you.」 Feng digs around for the measuring cup. 「None of my uncles would come back as an oven—Aha!」
Logan folds up an empty bag of litter.
「A blender, possibly, but not an oven.」 Feng offers Lil Chunky Butt their dish. 「Here you are, Inky dear.」
Cat dives into their food and inhales.
Logan starts on a new bag of kitty litter, half a dozen full cats watching him from one of the climbing trees.
「You /were hungry—Sorry, Princess!」
Cat doesn't acknowledge.
Feng strokes their back. 「You'll get some weight on in no time,」 he assures. 「Then I can properly call you 'Snugglebuns'.」
Logan shakes his head. 「Cat people.」 Scoops up an armful of black cat, settles it in a hammock and totally doesn't rub its ears as he goes back to his chores.
==Toilet Paper==
(Originally posted here)Mako lets herself into the washroom, and sets down her /Coyote Tango toiletry case. She [takes] out her /Coyote Tango [toothbrush] and /Tacit Ronin toothpaste and sets to work brushing her teeth.
The door slides open a few centimetres and The Stacking pokes his head in.
Mako queries.
"Nyaaaaa," says The Stacking.
Mako grants him entry.
"Nyan." The Stacking disappears.
""Go on,"" urges Tamsin.
""Nya.""
The door slides open a little wider.
The Stacking plods into the washroom, jumps onto the toilet.
Mako turns back to the sink, resumes her teeth—
The Stacking grabs a mouthful of toilet paper, hops to the floor, and trots from the room.
""Sorry about that!"" calls Tamsin.
Mako acknowledges—
Her tongue itches.
The door slides shut.
Mako finishes her teeth, wipes her mouth on a tissue, leaves her toothbrush on the counter, and returns her toothpaste to her kit. She locates her /Coyote Tango washcloth and soap and washes her face. Face cloth goes on the rack, soap in her /Coyote Tango soap dish and then in her bag; she collects her toothbrush, and she leaves.
Neither cats nor toilet paper [are] visible, but Tamsin stands with her back to Ranger Pentecost's closed door.
"Nothing," smiles Tamsin.
Mako blinks, nods.
"Absolutely nothing, pinky promise."
Mako nods, heads to her room.
"Okay, fine, you got me. I threw Shubin and The Stacking in there with some toilet paper to wreak havoc."
"Ranger Pentecost—"
Tamsin snickers. "'ll be so pissed!" Cackles.
Mako … Mako goes to her room, arranges herself, her other cats, and her headphones, and turns on /Sailor Moon so she can pretend she has no idea what's going on.
Category:Main Pages
Category:Cats of Lin
Category:Ficlet
Category:Scraps
Category:Princess Bride (reference)
Category:Feng
Category:Feng (ficlet)
Category:Hong Kong Shatterdome (setting)
Category:Logan
Category:Logan (ficlet)
Category:Mako
Category:Mako (ficlet)
Category:Tamsin
Category:Tamsin (ficlet)
Category:Stacker (mention)
Category:Sailor Moon (reference)
Category:Ficlets with images
Category:Max (ficlet)
Category:Max