War and Puzzle Piece

The seventh chapter of Total Drama: Tiki Jungle, posted on February 27, 2011.
==Story==
"Last time on Total Drama: Tiki Jungle..." begins Chris, "The campers participated in a sing-off! Of course, the Terrible Tikis lost again, this time because Devin picked out a very inappropriate song. However, he wasn't the one who got voted off! It was actually Elena! All because of everyone's favorite failure of an antagonist, Nic, who actually got somethin' done this time! Today's challenge is ridiculously random, but it will be fun! Watch it, today, right here on Total... Drama... Tiki Jungle!"
Team Over Nine Thousand is playing Maplopoly.
"How many times have we played Maplopoly...?" asks Chrissy.
"I don't know. You're smart. You can probably figure it out yourself." snaps Helga, without even looking up from her book, "The King of the Jewelry".
"Shut up, Helga." say Gary and Chrissy in unison.
"Ask nicely..." says Helga, waggling her finger.
Chrissy sticks her middle finger up at Helga, and it is censored.
Gary slaps his forehead. "You know what?"
"What?" asks Octavia, who's slumped on her bed.
"I'm gonna ask the Terrible Tikis to trade cabins." says Gary.
"NUUU!" says Octavia.
"I thought everyone hated this place." says Arthur. "I mean, I'm practically stuck in this hot tub."
"I sorta like it here." says Trey. "It's tight."
"And I'm tight." says Arthur. "-ly stuck in this hot tub."
"I wonder why Meg has been in the confessional for so long." says Gary.
"Maybe she's constipated." says Arthur.
"We did not need to hear that." says Helga.
Meg says in the confessional, "My sister, Hannah, just texted me that my ex-boyfriend wants to get back together with me. I mean, it might upset Gary, but, whatever. Now, I'm just sitting here, pondering."
Arthur comes in the confessional.
"EEK! Arthur, what are you doing here? I'm trying to contemplate!" says Meg.
"I need to take a wazz." says Arthur.
"You can wait." says Meg.
Arthur farts, then closes the door.
Meg coughs, then vomits.
Meanwhile, at the Terrible Tikis' cabin, Nic is plotting.
Nic says in the confessional, "I'm actually a good baddie! Yay! I voted off Elena, and it's all thanks to my beautiful friend, Abby." Nic rips off his shirt, and rubs his belly.
"I am gonna try not to yell." says Julia. "But, you know that I am very angry at you guys."
"Shut up, dawg." says Devin.
"Dude, we have four people on our team. We can't possibly win." says Carson.
"We know. We're an utter failure." says Julia.
"We cannot bring ourselves down like this!" says Nic. "A team is a team, and we shall work together to get the job done!"
"You are not Alejandro." says Carson.
"Oh yeah? Tell that to Abby!" says Nic, and rips off his shirt.
"Abby, you are not buff, and Nic is not Alejandro." says Carson.
Nic huffs away.
"So, what is there to do in this cabin?" asks Julia.
"Ya can sag, dawg." says Devin.
"Yeah, I'd rather not." says Julia, disgusted.
"C'mon, foo'. Get yo' pants on th' ground." says Devin.
Carson gets a pair of pants out of his backpack and puts them on the ground. He then begins to laugh hysterically.
"Wow, so funny." says Julia.
"Attention, all campers." says Chris over a loudspeaker. "Please report to the field, where we will begin today's challenge."
"Ready to lose again?" asks Julia.
"Yeah, word." says Devin.
The remaining 11 contestants meet Chris in a field, where there seem to be random items strewn about.
"Welcome, Over Nine Thousand and Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Tikis." says Chris.
Nic grumbles.
"Toady's challenge is ridiculously random." says Chris.
"Oh, goody." says Helga.
"Two people will be paired up for these mini-challenges," says Chris. "So, for example, say Helga and Carson had to do a puzzle, Whoever finishes the puzzle first wins a point. At the end, the team with the most points wins."
"Which is us." says Meg.
"Yeah, I know." says Chris. "However, the teams are not even, so three people from Over Nine Thousand will sit out. Any volunteers?"
Helga grabs a book out of her pocket and sits by the sidelines.
"Any more out-sitters?" asks Chris.
Meg and Octavia go over by Helga and sit down.
"All right, that's it." says Chris. "The first challenge will be Nic versus Trey. You two will have to do a puzzle. The first person to finish their puzzle wins."
"Aw, man." says Nic. "This guy will make me jealous."
"Are you ready?" asks Chris.
Nic and Trey walk over to a table and sit down. Trey has an 1,000 piece puzzle, while Nic has a 100 piece.
"How is this fair?" asks Trey.
"It's not. We want the Tikis to win. Knowing you guys, though, you will find a way." says Chris. "Now, you can start."
Nic begins to contemplate about his puzzle.
Trey rapidly puts the border pieces together.
"Quit making me jealous!" says Nic.
"Shut up! I'm trying to concentrate." says Trey.
Octavia cheers from the sidelines. Helga glares at her, and Octavia stops.
Helga says in the confessional, "I've always thought there was something up with that Trey guy. I mean, he's a little bit shady."
"Go, Nic!" says Helga.
"Dude, he's on the opposite team." says Meg.
"Yeah, I know, but I like him more than Trey." says Helga.
Octavia slaps Helga. "How dare you!" she screams.
Trey finishes his puzzle, then takes off his shirt.
Nic says in the confessional, "I think he did that simply to make me jealous. Lousy Trey."
"Trey wins the first challenge. So, it's 1-0, with the >9000s in the lead." says Chris. "Next up, it's Julia versus..."
"Let me guess, Arthur?" asks Julia.
"How did you know?" says Chris. Arthur waddles up to the field.
"You two are gonna have a water balloon fight. Whoever gets hit first loses." says Chris. "I'll give you five minutes to change into your bathing suits."
Five minutes later, Julia comes out with a bikini and her hair tied up in a bun, and Arthur is wearing flower print swimming trunks.
"Go." says Chris.
Julia picks up a gargantuan water balloon. "Take this, you morbidly obese idiot!"
"NUUUUUUU!" screams Arthur. Then, in slow motion, he gets hit smack dab in the nads and falls onto the ground.
"Julia wins, the score is now 1 to 1." says Chris.
Julia shakes her booty in Arthur's face.
"Our next challenge is a dance-off, it's Carson against Chrissy." says Chris.
Carson and Chrissy come up to a stage.
"Whoever can dance the best wins a point." says Chris.
Chrissy begins to dance. She puts her feet on top of each other, shakes her behind, and moves her hands around.
"Not too bad." says Chris.
Carson, meanwhile, break-dances.
"Not too good." says Chris.
Carson blows a raspberry at Chris.
"Chrissy wins this challenge." says Chris. "The score is now 2 to 1, with the >9000s in the lead. This last challenge is Devin against Gary."
"Oh, no." says Gary. "But Chris, he's my Brotha!"
"Exactly why I picked you two." says Chris. "Now, if Gary wins this, the Over Nine Thousand team wins invincibility again. If Devin wins, we go into a tiebreaker."
"Don'cha mean, when Devin wins, dawg?" says Devin.
"Yeah, sure." says Chris. "Now, your challenge is wrestling."
Chrissy bursts into laughter. She laughs so hard, she almost cries. "Two shrimps... wrestling?"
"I ain't no shrimp, dawg." says Devin.
"Here are your singlets." says Chris. He hands them outfits that resemble girls' bathing suits.
"This will be interesting." says Gary.
Gary and Devin step into the wrestling ring.
"The first person to pin their opponent wins." says Chris. "For ten seconds, that is."
"A'ight." says Devin.
"Are you ready? Are you steady? Are you... GO!" says Chris.
Devin begins to swagger.
Gary moves timidly into the corner.
"I ain't gon' hurt ya, brotha." says Devin.
"But, how will we win?" asks Gary.
Devin falls over on purpose. "Sit on me."
"No way, dude!" says Gary. "Are you stupid?"
"I want ya to win, brotha." says Devin.
Gary reluctantly sits on Devin. Chris blows his whistle. "Team Over Nine Thousand wins... again! YEE-HAW!" he says. "As for the Tikis, you know the drill. Vote out someone out tonight."
Team Over Nine Thousand is in their cabin.
"Okay, this is the last straw." says Meg. "We are officially going to do nothing for all the challenges from now on."
"But I loooooove this place." says Arthur, who is drinking a juice box.
Meg slaps the juice box out of Arthur's hand. "FOCUS!" she says.
"Who's our first target for when we lose?" asks Gary.
"What about Helga?" asks Chrissy.
"If you vote me out, you will be destroyed emotionally." says Helga snidely.
"All righty then, not Helga." says Gary anxiously.
"What about that Trey guy?" asks Arthur. "I dislike him strongly."
"You know, he can hear you." says Octavia.
Trey is blow-drying his hair. He takes off his sunglasses, revealing he has little dots for eyes, much like Chris.
"Can I call you Beady?" asks Gary.
"No." says Trey coolly.
Arthur laughs juice out of his nose.
"Eww." says Meg. "That's gross."
Arthur spits some of his juice on Meg.
"That's even grosser." says Meg disgustedly.
Meanwhile, the Terrible Tikis are voting someone out.
Nic says in the confessional, "I know my perfect target tonight. Carson. He's a threat. I mean, he won the first season. So that's why my vote for tonight goes to Carson."
Julia says in the confessional, "I have voted for Nic every stinkin' time, and he hasn't been voted off. WHY?!?"
Chris says at the campfire ceremony in a spooky voice, "Good eeeevening."
"Sup?" asks Devin.
"One of you will take the Path of Shame tonight. And it's not Julia." says Chris.
Julia gets her marshmallow.
"It's not Nic, either." says Chris angrily.
Nic does a little victory dance.
"The final marshmallow goes to..."
"...Devin."
Devin gets his marshmallow, but shakes his head. "It wasn't me, homes." says Devin.
"All right, that sucks. Thanks for voting me off." says Carson. "Bye." He leaves for the Raft of Losers.
"Well, that was sort of anti-climactic." says Chris. "Tune in next time for more dramatic fun, on Total... Drama... Tiki Jungle!"