From Head to Joe

"From Head to Joe" is the second episode of SBFW: Finding Bigfoot. Written by JustInCaseTheDingusRunsAway, the episode was first aired on 18th December 2021, on Current.
===Synopsis===
Joe plans to fight Bigfoot so begins boxing training.
===Transcript===
[The episode starts with Joe setting up a webcam in an abandoned garage which contains a boxing ring as well as a barrel full of sex toys that Joe angles the camera away from]
''
Joe: Hey pussies, I’m Joe. Second name Joe, first name Mama. Wait, let’s try that again–
[Test card. Cut back to Joe in the garage]
Joe: What’s up, pussies? It’s your boy, Joe. First name Joe, second name Mama. As you can see, I am in a world champion’s training facilities to train for my fight with Bigfoot.
[Pan to show the spiders crawling up and down the walls, a fire inexplicably burning in the corner near the sex toys, and wood cracking on the roof]
Joe: I hope you guys are ready to see some action when I tear Bigfoot a new furry asshole. 
[A middle-aged, drunken shirtless man crashes through the roof, falling onto the floor with a burp and covered in splinters.]
Man: Hey, son! Your mom kicked me outta bed because I made “unwanted sexual advances towards her” - it’s crazy what they’re calling slapping your girl’s ass nowadays. Say, Joe, I had to move some of your My Little Pony figurines, they were getting in the way of my liquor cabinet.
Joe: Dad!
Joe’s Dad: Aw, are you filmin’ one of your little videos? What do they call ‘em, Joey? YouTube Poops?
Joe: I’m documenting my training before I go out and kick Bigfoot’s ass.
Joe’s Dad: You know you gotta FIND someone before you kick their ass. I learned that the hard way with Nixon back in the day.
Joe: But, Dad, you did kick Nixon’s ass.
[A caption shows up in Comic Sans that reads: “In this universe, Richard Nixon was assassinated in 1971 via T-shirt cannon in New York City.”]
Joe’s Dad: Yeah, but not in the way I really wanted to. See, kid, when you’re preparing to fight someone, especially someone twice your own size like Figboot, you’ve gotta be on the defense more than the offense. Sitting here in boxing gloves and just beating up a sandbag ain’t gonna help you. What you’ve got to do is fight your old man. I still got it in me. Look.
[Joe’s Dad picks up a shotgun and fires rounds in the garage whilst Joe ducks. The bullets break the windows and for some reason, the barrel of sex toys explodes, creating fireworks.]
Joe: Thanks, Dad, but I don’t think Bigfoot will have firearms at disposal.
Joe’s Dad: Bullshit! Weren’t you watching that documentary with me last Christmas?
Joe: That wasn’t a Bigfoot documentary, Dad, that was Die Hard.
Joe’s Dad: Now you’re splitting hairs. Come on, you’re just stallin’ now, son. Beat your ol’ dad up!
Joe: I’m not doing that, you have a gun.
Joe’s Dad: Awww, don’t wanna fight your ol’ man? Come on, it don’t mean nothing by it. Ain’t no emotions been flowing in this house since Vietnam. Just give me a punch in the stomach.
Joe: Well, alright, if you say so.
[Joe does a run up and pokes his fist into his father’s stomach. Despite the sweat perspiring from Joe’s arm, his fits hits the stomach with a twinkle and barely even touches Joe’s Dad. Out of pity, however, Joe’s Dad plays up the combat.]
Joe’s Dad: OW! Damn, you’re strong, Joe! I felt like I was gonna throw up my lunch!
Joe: You didn’t have lunch. You haven’t eaten or drank anything that isn’t Budweiser since I was five. 
Joe’s Dad: It was figurative, Joey. Anyway, now that you’ve given me the attack of a lifetime, your old man needs to strike back! If I can, that is, you might have weakened me already.
[A few moments of contemplation.]
Joe’s Dad: A-ha! I got this!
[He shoots Joe in the arm five times, making Joe fall unconscious on the floor.]
Joe’s Dad: My job here is done. [talking to himself] Sometimes, Jonathan, you can be a great dad.
[End]
Category:SBFW: Finding Bigfoot
Category:2021
Category:2021 Episodes
Category:2021 Transcripts
Category:0fflinejoe
Category:Joke Pages
Category:Episodes written by JustInCaseTheDingusRunsAway
Category:JustInCaseTheDingusRunsAway
Category:2020s