Surf & Turf Wars (Part 1)/Transcript

== Transcript ==
(The intro begins as normal, but it then transitions to the exterior Tom's apartment complex. After the opening, the scene begins in Edd's room. Edd, Matt and Tom are watching TV while sweating.)
Tom: Ugh, it's so hot.
Edd: You're so hot. Wait, no. I, you suck? Wait, what did you say?
Tom: I don't remember, it's too hot.
Edd: You're too hot.
Matt: (opens the window) Ah, much better. (his hair catches on fire)
News Anchor: How's that heat wave Kent?
Kent: It's too hot.
News Anchor: Thanks, Kent.
Tom: Oh good. It looks like it's cooling off.
Edd: (dried) Hooray!
TV: Are you so hot that you're melting into your sofa? Then you need an ice-cold drink in your mouth. Survive the heat with cola. Cola, it's cool. In a temperature way. Drinking Cola will not make you beautiful or quench your thirst.
Edd: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Tom: (in thought) Banana hammock, cheese toasties. Sticky pogums, a little wooden bloke. A cuddly toy. (in reality) I hope so!
Edd and Tom: Let's go to the beach!
Matt: Coconut bra!
(Intro plays, "Eddsworld Presents" is seen on a life ring, the word "Surf" and an "and" symbol is seen on a surfboard, and the words "Turf Wars" are seen on a ball, and "Part 1" is seen on one of three footprints. Matt grabs one of his three starfish to reveal the word "Starring". Edd, Matt and Tom are shown driving, and pass a person holding an ice cream with Edd's name, a drink with Tom's name, and a sandcastle with Matt's name on the way. The last opening credits are seen written in the sand, which changes after a wave washes them up, ending the intro. Edd crashes into some rocks, he and Tom go flying out of the car with their stuff, a blow-up couch lands first, then three towels, a cooler and an umbrella, when a man walks up to it, it opens, a Tomee Bear lands perfectly on the first towel, and then Edd and Tom land on the other two)
Edd: Sun on a beach, it's beautiful.
Tom: Yeah, well worth the five-hour drive. In fact, not long enough.
Edd: How are you holding up Matt?
Matt: Oh, don't mind me. The sun and I are...old enemies.
(The sun stares angrily at Matt and holds up two middle fingers, and Matt steps on the sand and burns up)
Matt: Plan C.
(Solemn music)
Crewmate #1: Bring the aft engines to full.
Crewmate #2: Aye, sir.
Crewmate #3: What is that stuff?
Captain: I don't ask questions.
Crewmate #4: Where did it come from?
Captain: I said, I don't ask questions.
Crewmate #5: Well, where are we taking it?
Captain: I...don't know. I didn't ask. Hang on. (grabs the phone) Yes, about this cargo. Yes, I didn't know I didn't ask any questions and that's kind of the problem. My crew have raised some very valid points. (hears a loud noise) What was that!? (While he's talking, eight crewmates show up)
Crewmate #3: That sounds like a question. Take him to the brig!
Captain: (Sighs while he gets grabbed by a bigger guy) That's fair.
Matt: Ah, don't you just love the beach? (in video game) Die! (burns other people, and it is revealed to be just a game) Yes, it sure is nice to get away from that noisy city and all those inconsiderate people. Ah, not a care in the world. (blends a banana, but throws the peel behind him, making a man slip on it and fall)
Edd: Hey, don't litter.
Matt: Yep, not a care in the world. Ah, the simple things.
Edd: You're a simple thing.
(running with a test tube full of a purple liquid labeled "Panacea") I've done it. The cure for all diseases! This will change the course of human history forever! (stops running in perfect time) Oh my, that was a close one. I nearly tripped in that pothole. (walks carefully, but stops again due to the cable) Oh, I nearly tripped on that mysterious cable that seems to be running throughout the city. (keeps walking carefully, but stops in front of a piano falling on a chipper) Oh my goodness! That was even closer. (the loose tiger shows up and attacks him while two other men stare at him) Arg, a tiger?! My God, it's eating me. It's tearing me apart. What's a tiger even doing here? It's just eaten my entire lower half. This is the worst pain I've ever felt in my whole life. How am I even conscious right now? Now it's eating the rest of me.
Man #2: I really don't understand street performers.
Man #1: Mm, (trips on the cable) whoop (falls on the test tube and breaks it).
(Matt's TV turns off due to the man tripping on the cable)
Matt: This is the worst thing to happen to anyone ever. (throws controller, and a crab takes it away)
Edd: There's plenty of other things to enjoy.
Tom: For me, it's the cool, refreshing sea breeze.
Uh, sir, your sea breeze.
(Tom starts drinking the sea breeze, Edd drinks a Cola, belches so loud it tears the place apart, and pulls out a book called "50 Shades of Beige".)
Matt: (offscreen) Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
Hey beach buds, surfing hard or hardly surfing. Am I right? (Edd and Tom just stare at him) Cool. Cool. Are any of you signed up for the fun-petition.
Tom: What? That's not a word, you suck.
I never claimed
Edd: He's right, that's not a word. You do, guzzle, slap, or siphon.
I, ugh.
Out of the way door.
Help.
Edd: Hey, you can't just walk all over people. Not cool.
What you're gonna do about it? Insult.
Edd: Insult? You are the insult. Us against you, the fun-petition.
Loser leaves the beach forever.
Edd: Yeah, I saw the sign.
And we get your girl.
Edd: Um, What?
Tom: Coconut bra.
Edd: Deal!
Tom: Ugh, another competition seems like a tired concept.
Edd: I know! We can do a competition for someone to write the next episode.
Tom: No wait, stop!
(Static)
Text: If you have an Eddisode idea, please send a stamp addressed envelope to the following address:
(Static)
Matt: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. Ahhh. Ah, this is nice. I can always think it in my head.
Oo, ooh.
Echo, echo.
Some Guy: (offscreen) Hey, keep it down!
This is a nice neighborhood.
Matt: Who's that?
Police Officer: (offscreen) Excuse me. Do we have a problem here, sir?
Matt: Oh crap, it's the fuzz.
The first event is the sand eating contest.
(Tom starts eating sand.)
Sorry, the paper was stuck together.
The first event is the watermelon eating contest.
Tom: The what?! (notices watermelons)
(Edd receives a balloon that looks like a watermelon, eats it, but it pops and everyone laughs, and he stares angrily at everyone laughing at him)
Edd: Of course you know, this means war.
Tom: (looks up the word this) Wait a second, no it doesn't.
(Matt grabs a starfish, puts it in the bucket, and then a blue fish and puts it in the bucket, while a NM-8 barrel is coming closer, and Matt grabs a seahorse and puts it in the bucket, and notices a lobster and tries to befriend it, but then it tries to grab his non-existent nose)
Matt: Oh. Nice try, but I don't have a nose! (the lobster grabs his eye, and Matt screams very loudly, runs and trips on the bucket, causing him to crash into the NM-8 barrel, and some of the liquid inside it spills out) I'm okay! (turns around only to find out he's merging with the lobster he found) Oh no. (transforms into a lobster)
Text: To be continued...eventually...
(Credits)
Category:Transcripts