Wright Wing Brothers/Script

Nice Peter: Hello, I’m Nice Peter, and this is Total Drama ERB.
EpicLLOYD: Nailed it!
Nice Peter: Indeed. Now, back to the intro.
Last time, the contestants tried to cross the river while under fire of Washington. Only a few survived, the majority of so belonging to team Epic Winners. In the end, the pirate who took a crap, had to swim laps. In a barrel. Now we’re stuck with 23 victims, and this time we’re all going to have a barrel of fun with the best set of brothers under the sun.
EpicLLOYD: Here on Total. Drama. ERB!
Nice Peter: I just said that.
*The scene cuts to Joan of Arc, Sarah Palin and Goku at a dock.*
Goku: See this boat?
Sarah Palin: Yeah, what about it?
Goku: I can lift it. With my eyes.
Joan of Arc: Ignore him, Sarah. He’s just showing off.
Sarah Palin: Come on, Joan, we gotta respect everyone, eh.
Joan of Arc: But not this guy. He’s just a douche.
Sarah Palin: Whaddya know about guys? You can’t even pretend to be one!
Kanye West: Oh damn, girl! You get her!
(Confessional) Joan of Arc: That bitch is going down.
William Wallace (behind a bush): Keep it down! I’m tryin ta take a shite!
Sarah Palin: In a bush?
William Wallace: Precisely! Now pass the paper, laddy!
Bob Ross: Okay...
(Confessional) Bob Ross: I don't like this job.
Nice Peter: Challenge time, bitches!
Goku: Don’t you mean, Goku time?
Nice Peter: If you mean you’re challenged at intelligence, then yes.
Kanye West: Oh no you didn’t, sistsa!
Goku: Aw pooey.
*The scene transitions to a Donkey Kong-style bunch of platforms*
Nice Peter: Hello, victims. Today you are going to be paired up with one set of brothers, and will try to accomplish your selected task. Team Epic Winners, you’re paired with the Wright Brothers.
Al Capone: The what now?
Orville Wirght: Uh, us. We invented the plane.
Al Capone: Never heard of ya.
Nice Peter: And team Massive Failures, you’ve got the Mario Brothers.
Kanye West: Looks like we got the Wrong Brothers.
Wright brothers: Aw.
(Confessional) Kanye West: Hold the applause, please.
(Confessional) Adam: I’m sure there’s a barrel with his name on it somewhere.
Nice Peter: Team Mario Failures will roll barrels to prevent advancement of Team Wright Winners, who must climb to the top to win. You have one turn each to try, and since he got to the shore first yesterday, Chief can sit out on this one. You guys have five minutes to set up.
*The scene turns to the Epic Winners with the Wright Brothers setting up at the bottom of the paths.*
Wilbur Wright: Okay guys, we got hammers, chainsaws, and rocket launchers. Okay?
Goku: I don’t need that stuff.
(Confessional) Goku: Goku don’t need that stuff. Goku strong.
Sarah Palin: As one of the three girls on this team, I suggest ladies first, which is me, Eve and Cleopatra.
Joan of Arc: Excuse me?
Sarah Palin: You’re excused, sir.
Kanye West: Getting on heads!
Al Capone: Sheesh, let Joan go first. She’s the strongest lady, no offense.
Sarah Palin: But if she wants to pretend to be a man, she has to be treated like one.
William Wallace: You’re all ladies to me, ya shites! Quit ye blabbering and fuckin’ prepare!
Goku: I’m not a lady.
William Wallace: With that hair, ya wouldn’t fool me!
Goku: What?
William Wallace: Anime characters always have that weird ass hair! Includin’ the ladies!
(Confessional) Goku: Not all girls in animes have hair like this, do they? Do they?
*Meanwhile, at the top of the platforms*
Justin Bieber: I call dibs on first try.
Leonidas: As long as I get to hurt the skirt wearing Scotsmen.
Nice Peter: First up; Leonidas and William Wallace!
Mario: Here’s-a the barrel, Leonidas.
Leonidas: Sweet.
William Wallace: I call dibs on rocket launcher!
Leonidas: The fuck now?!?
Nice Peter: Go! Go! Go!
*William Wallace shoots the RPG up at Leonidas, blowing up the platform below him, his barrel, and throwing him off the platform*
William Wallace: Hell yeah!
Nice Peter: 1-0 with Winners in the lead.
Lady Gaga: My hero…
Adam: What?
Lady Gaga: Who’s next?
Nice Peter: Up now is Mr. T and Eve.
Mr. T: Do I have to do this with a girl?
Marilyn Monroe: Most guys do it with girls.
Edgar Allan Poe: A clever pun but stupid all the same, Mr. T, if you don’t do this, you’ll bring us shame!
Mr. T: Fine!
*Eve is ready to run, but right as she starts, Mr. T hits himself over the head with his barrel, knocking himself out.*
(Confessional) Mr. T: I almost had to hurt a girl! Imagine if I actually did! Momma would hate my ass!
Edgar Allan Poe: God dammit, you ignorant twit! The other team’s who you have to hit!
Nice Peter: Okay, 2-0 for Epic Winners. I guess.
Eve: Yes!
Cleopatra: Why are you so happy? He hurt himself because he’s a wimp. You did nothing.
Nice Peter: Next up; Muhammad Ali and Goku!
Goku: HELL YEAH!
Muhammad Ali: This freak’s going down!
Goku: Kame..
Muhammad Ali: Don’t fail me, barrel! I don’t wanna be shoved into you.
Goku: Hame…
*the barrel rolls off the platform and hits the ground, not going anywhere near Goku*
Goku: Oh.
Muhammad Ali: Are you kidding me?!
Michael Jordan: Moron.
(Confessional) Muhammad Ali: I hate this guy!
Nice Peter: With 3-0, Winners have the lead. Up next is Michael Jordan and Kanye West.
Kanye West: This is gonna be easy for Yeezy!
Michael Jordan: Lemme show you how this is done.
*Kanye West stands still, not going anywhere.*
Joan of Arc: Do something, idiot! It’s gonna hit you if you stand there!
Kanye West: No it won’t.
Joan of Arc: Of course it will, you dumbass!
Kanye West: The barrel knows better than to hit God!
Joan of Arc: Then it sure as hell will hit you!
*Michael Jordan’s barrel goes off into the distance.*
Muhammad Ali: Ha! Idiot! I know who I’m rooting off.
Neil deGrasse Tyson: Not yet, my friend. He has a plan.
Muhammad Ali: What?
Kanye West: I knew that would w-
*Michael Jordan’s barrel bounces back and hits Kanye in the back of the head, knocking him out.*
Joan of Arc: Idiot!
Muhammad Ali: What the FUCK was that bullshit?!
Neil deGrasse Tyson: Impressive.
Michael Jordan: Guess who got us back in the game!
Muhammad Ali: Not you, we’re still behind by 2!
Nice Peter: That was beautiful! 10 out of 10! The game is now 4-3, Failures are ahead!
(Confessional) Muhammad Ali: WHAT THE FUCK?!?
Master Chief: Guys, this is serious. Do well, or we’re all done in for.
Al Capone: Don’t worry, I got this.
Nice Peter: Al Capone and Miley Cyrus!
Miley Cyrus: I’m the Diddy, and they’re the Pauline…
Mario: What-a is that bull?
Luigi: Shh, it’s okay. She’s a try hard nerd.
Miley Cyrus: Am not.
*Miley Cyrus accidentally lets go of the barrel, having it roll down.*
Miley Cyrus: Oops.
Al Capone: Wait for it…
Adolf Hitler: I’m waiting…
*The barrel rolls closer*
Adolf Hitler: Alright, that’s it!
*Adolf Hitler pushes Al Capone towards the barrel, but the barrel stops an inch in front of him.*
Nice Peter: 4-4 tie!
Al Capone: Holy crud, that was close.
Miley Cyrus & Muhammad Ali: What?!
Edgar Allan Poe: Oh my, oh dear! That point was near! We missed him by an ear!
Nice Peter: Up next, Joan of Arc and Edgar Allan Poe!
Sarah Palin: Excuse me?
Nice Peter: What’s wrong?
Sarah Palin: I think ladies should go first, and Joan doesn’t want to be a lady.
Joan of Arc: Uh, that’s not exactl-
Miley Cyrus: We all know Joan had to be a guy to get her zoo boat. How else could she get her name?
Joan of Arc: Are you really this stupid?
Master Chief: Just stop arguing, gosh! Is it that big of a deal?
Edgar Allan Poe: Here I go, with my wooden container! I shall gain a point and be one of the team’s remainder!
*Edgar Allan Poe rolls the barrel down, while Sarah Palin and Joan of Arc are both standing there*
Darth Vader: Sarah, get the hell over here!
Sarah Palin: No! It’s ladies first, and if Joan of Arc doesn’t move, it’s both of us!
Al Capone: Hang on, I got this.
*Al Capone tries to grab Sarah Palin from the path, but all 3 are hit instead.*
Master Chief: Son of a bitch!
Nice Peter: 7-4, Failures in the lead! This is amazing! 
Eve: Not for us.
Adam: Yeah, we gotta be nice to the other team.
Nice Peter: Oh, you’re right. I’ll be fair…Zach, bring out the big guys.
*Zach Sherwin rolls out gigantic barrels the size of a small shed*
Adam: Woah…that’s fair?
Nice Peter: Sure it is. 
Adolf Hitler: Oh crap. It’s just me, Ross, and Cleo.
Nice Peter: Justin Bieber and Bob Ross!
Bob Ross: Where am I?
Adolf Hitler: You’re in the path of a giant barrel. Just dodge it, and-
Master Chief: That thing is wider than the path; there’s no way he can dodge it! 
Justin Bieber: Barrel time, bitch. 
Bob Ross: Turtle, not right now. I’m busy.
*Justin Bieber releases the barrel, which rolls fast down the paths* 
Bob Ross: Turtles, no! Go! I’m busy!
Justin Bieber: Turtles? This guy’s weird.
Bob Ross: Turtles…why? Leave me alone!
*Justin Bieber’s barrel gets closer to Ross, who is still hallucinating.*
Cleopatra: Move, nimrod!
*Bob Ross is ran over by the barrel.*
Justin Bieber: Pathetic.
Master Chief: That’s gotta hurt.
Nice Peter: 4-8, Losers are winning!
Michael Jordan: No thanks to Ali.
Muhammad Ali: I hate you, too!
Cleopatra: I forfeit.
Master Chief: Huh?
Nice Peter: 4-9! 
Master Chief & Muhammad Ali: What?
William Wallace: Shite!
Nice Peter: Adolf Hitler and Michael Jordan!
Adolf Hitler: Of course.
Michael Jordan: Can we just say I won?
Nice Peter: No.
Michael Jordan: But-
Nice Peter: Fine. Muhammad Ali, you roll the barrel!
Muhammad Ali: Yeah baby!
Adolf Hitler: This will be eas-
*Muhammad Ali throws the barrel at Hitler’s face, knocking him out.*
Nice Peter: Epic Winners, see you at the ceremony. Or should I say, Won Once And Failed?
*Scene transitions to the elimination ceremony*
Nice Peter: I am disappointed in you. Your name implies winning, but you all failed! Except Chief. He’s safe.
Al Capone: We’re all leaving?
Nice Peter: I wish.
These people are safe:
Al Capone, Darth Vader, Bob Ross, William Wallace, Goku, Hitler, Eve and Joan.
Sarah Palin: How is Joan safe? She messed it up for all of us!
Kanye West: You forgot me. I’m safe, right?
Nice Peter: Unfortunately, Kanye is safe.
Kanye West: Ye!
Sarah Palin: What? Joan should go home! She ruined the game! She should go first!
Joan of Arc: You know what they say. Ladies first, Sarah.
Sarah Palin: What? NO!
*Sarah Palin is dragged away by Hulk Hogan and Macho man*
Joan of Arc: Bye.
*Scene transitions to the dock, where Sarah is in a barrel.*
Sarah Palin (inside barrel): No! This is unfair!
EpicLLOYD: Throw her!
*Macho Man chucks the barrel into the water, watching it sink slowly.*
EpicLLOYD: Well, now that the teams are even, what will happen next? Will Ali and Jordan continue their quarrel? Will Bob Ross stop hallucinating? What will happen to Mr. T’s lady issues? Will Hulk Hogan ever get me my GOD DAMN LATTE?
Hulk Hogan: Sorry, sir.
EpicLLOYD: We’ll see next time on Total. Drama. ERB!
 
Category:Season 1
Category:Script