How Rabbids Go Home Should Have Ended

==Transcript==
(A/N: Ego-Man speaking here, and... yeah, this is now relevant.)
Ubisoft, essentially that one cool uncle in a gaming industry filled with competing companies. They gave us Prince of Persia, Assassins Creed, Just Dance, some robot game on the N64, Watch_Dogs, and of course their crowning jewel and mascot: Rayman. These games are awesome, and with Origins and Legends out, they aren't going ANYWHERE anytime soon. Truly, they got their shit figured out.
However...let us go back...back to the Dark Age of Rayman. Back when Ubisoft decided to stick its beloved mascot with a creature so unbelievable vial, that it didn't seem to have ANYTHING to do with the games whatsoever...the Raving Rabbids.
At the time, it was seemingly innocent. Rayman whacking at all these sick demented rabbits? Sold. And the first game seemed to hold up to that pretty well.
Apparently though, someone got the wrong message and thought that the Rabbids were popular because people LIKED their presence.
So what did they do? They make another game...and made Rayman a side-character.
Soon enough, Rayman might as well have not even EXISTED, it got so bad. Literally, where the hell WAS he after the second party game?! Video game protag purgatory.
Thus came the next Rabbid game: Rabbids Go Home, where Rayman's name wasn't even so much as breathed in the same sentence, at all! And there wasn't even a single cameo!
...The damning thing is that this game isn't actually that bad. Would make a decent episode of This Exists, to be perfectly honest. But it STILL left out Rayman, and that is NOT cool man! Thank GOD that this age is no longer going on, but we're gonna rant! And give you guys the following ways that this game shoulda ended.
Ready? No? TOO BAD!
Number 0: With Apologies To Waluigi, And His Time
Waluigi just stared at a Rabbid. "Whah."
Number 1: Blow Dem Bunnies To Da Moon!
The Rabbids all stood up on their ginormous pile of items and animals, preparing to climb their way up to the moon...because apparently, they think they can.
"BWAH!!!" One of the Rabbids said, pointing to the moon.
"Bwah?" Another asked, checking to make sure everything was in order.
Cue 5 more Rabbids rolling up a cow. "BWAH!!!"
Little did they know their plan was about to plan sky-high...literally.
Cue a certain limbless hero arriving next to the guys with the quarantine suits on. "...Alright, we got these sons a bitches right where we want them. The key is to have the Glade of Dreams working properly again, got it?"
The "Verminators" nodded their heads.
So the 5 Rabbids finally tossed the cow to the top of the pile. "BWAH!!!"
And so one of them stood on the terrified bovine, and tried reaching for the moon in question. Key word being tried. "...Bwah?"
"FIRE!!!" Rayman shouted.
*BOOOOM!!!!!*
The mountain of random junk was utterly OBLITERATED, launching the daft creatures high in the air, never to be seen again.
Rayman applauded right then and there. "....FINALLY!! I thought they'd NEVER shut up."
"And as for you jerks at Ubisoft," he said, "don't EVER put me in the back of the bus like that, again!!"
Waluigi, having been directing the first ending and sitting down on his chair, asked, "Whah? Who are you talking to, the people reading this?"
Rayman shrugged. "Eh, just venting off loads of fans' frustrations. Hey, wanna have Sonic go Super Sonic for the next ending?"
"Bitchin'." Waluigi answered, giving a thumbs up.
Number 2: Crank Up That Crush 40!
The Rabbids stood on their ginormous pile of stolen items from all over the city, preparing to head off to their "home", the moon.
Rayman was still at the bottom, preparing the "Verminators" to demolish the pile. "Alright guys, I think everything is about set... but somehow, we're missing something."
The Verminators glanced each other, confused as to what he meant.
"BWAH!!!" A Rabbid could be heard from the distance.
"Woah, those things are LOUD." A mellow voice could be heard. A certain spiky blue hero stepped in. "So, I've been doing pretty good with Colors lately, so I got time to spare. Who we messing with?"
Rayman pointed to the massive junk pile. "We need to get THOSE things OUT of here."
Sonic got a good look, and sighed.
"Oh, jeez, them?" he asked.
"Look, I am not sure WHAT I can pay you for to help me," Rayman said, "but-"
"Deal." Sonic said, pulling out the 7 Chaos Emeralds. "The Wii has Okami, No More Heroes, Mad World, and Sonic Colors. Loads of games unafraid to push the envelope. We don't need Rabbids to ruin this."
"Agreed," Rayman nodded.
Rayman then pointed to the others. "BLOW THIS F*CKER TO THE GROUND!! SONIC WILL TAKE CARE OF THE RABBIDS INDIVIDUALLY, TAKING THEM AWAY FROM HERE AS FAR AS POSSIBLE!!"
On that, they pressed down on the plunger of the dynamite box.
*BOOOOM!!!!!*
The mountain of random junk was utterly OBLITERATED, launching the daft creatures high in the air.
Sonic had the Chaos Emeralds surround him, making him turn to Super Sonic! "NOW GO AWAY, YOU FREAKING RABBIDS!!!" He shouted out, "CHAOS CONTROL!!!", and the Rabbids vanished in a flash of light.
Sonic then returned to Rayman, reverting to normal. "So... you're probably wondering where THEY are now."
MEANWHILE...
Where did the Rabbids end up going?
Wario: Only at WARIO'S Mega Microgame Emporium! For a limited time, we're-a selling out Microgames with Rabbids, where you get to wack the wack jobs, and-a launch them from catapults! It's-a yours, but ONLY for a limited time! So call now.
That number is 563-RABBIDS. That number again is 563-RABBIDS. Call now.
Waluigi: Wah? How-a you liking this?
Sonic: *invested in the microgame he's playing on* ...Huh?
Rayman: Sounds great, but I wanna see how deep this rabbit hole can go.
Number 3: Spyro
*cricket chirp*
"What?" Rayman asked. "That guy is over at Skylanders land now. He LONG gone."
To the readers expecting Spyro: our humble apologies.
Cue a Rabbid popping up behind a bush... ambushing the camera crew. "BWAAAAHHHH!!!!"
Cameraman: OH, GOD, RUN!!!!
*WE ARE CURRENTLY EXPERIENCING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES*
...
Rayman, Sonic and Waluigi were huddled up in a tree house, taking refuge from the Rabbids. "...They're becoming self aware...! Why? Why are they becoming self aware?!" Rayman asked, before looking at Sonic. "...Where exactly did you sent these things?"
Sonic immediately sweatdropped. "Uh..."
"...No...!" Waluigi said in horror. "YOU SENT THEM PAST THE FOURTH WALL?! YOU SEGA SCUMBAG!! I'MMA GONNA TEAR YOU DOWN RIGHT HERE AND NOW!!"
"NO WAIT, PLEASE!!!" Sonic cried.
"Both of you, calm down..." Rayman said. "Calm... down..."
Sonic and Waluigi did their deep breathing. "...Okay... we're good."
"Now, we still have a slot for Ending Number 4." Rayman said. "So we gotta plan this one carefully."
Number 4: Basically The Point Where We Drew A Blank And Threw In Samus
As if on cue, Samus's airship had landed on the ground, 25 feet away from the tree house. Out came the bounty hunter in question, with the still-captured Chara in her right arm. "Who sent the distress signal?"
Cue Rayman leaping out of the treehouse. "We did! We did! We need some help!"
"Say no more," Samus said as she jumped down.
Chara spoke up. "...As the literal personification of psychopathy, even I draw the line at bringing in such hellspawns like that swarm over there."
And apparently, one of the Rabbids of that particular swarm heard that remark, since they turned around and screamed "BWAAAAHHHH!!!!!" And soon that entire SWARM began to rush against the videogame characters.
Samus aimed her handgun at the Rabbid swarm. "...Hey: wanna see the Zero Laser shot at them, and their pile?"
"Yes, please!" Rayman answered.
At that, Samus's handgun mechanically extended and revolved at an extremely rapid rate. The gun began charging a bright, intensely-shining blast.
"Here it comes!" Sonic shouted, wearing a pair of sunglasses.
"Why do you have those on?" Wario asked.
"Safety first," Sonic answered.
"Good point," Rayman agreed before he and Wario put on shades, too.
"...Wait, why's Wario here?" Waluigi asked.
(A/N: Because Gunpei Yokoi, God rest his soul, created both Wario, AND Samus.)
The Rabbids began running back to their pile. "BWAHHH!!!!!"
"That's right...!" Samus softly whispered, as she aimed her gun at the pile they were running to. "Run, you little hellspawn...!"
"FIRE AT WILL!!!" Rayman commanded.
*BOOOOM!!!!!* Samus opened fire.
The massive Zero Laser completely obliterated the junk pile the Rabbids had just climbed onto, launching said Rabbids out of Earth's gravitational field.
"...That should do it." Samus said, before facing Rayman. "Don't you have a platforming game to get onto?"
"Oh, jeez! You're right!" Rayman cried. "Thanks, Samus. I owe you one. See ya!"
So in short, all the endings are basically just variations of that SAME ending for Rabbids Go Home. Why? Because we only really hate the ERA, not so much the GAME. The game itself is fine. Just the timing that bothers us.
With that, we bid you good day and godspeed.
...
Mario picked up a phone call one day. "Yes? Ahah? Ah, Ubisoft! Yes. Yes. You-a wish to apologize for-a pulling Rayman Legends, no? Ahah. Okay! Here-a we go!" He put the phone down. "...Mama mia..."
Category:Alternate Endings