The Boss

The Boss is the only person besides J. Severe that has absolute authority behind Joel Severe Wiki. Why, you might even say The Boss controls Wikia all together...
==The Story of the Boss - 1: Wikia is Created!==
Back in 2005, The Boss was browsing through Wikipedia. "You know, this is pretty cool", he said, "I wish I could be on it, but I was blocked because I threatened to chop off a random user's head." Then it hit him! "That's it! I'll make my own version of Wikipedia!" He quickly phoned his friend Bob and told him his idea. "Nice thought, Boss. But how are you going to make it?", Bob asked. "... You just love to ruin happy thoughts, don't 'cha Bob?", Boss asked. "Well, no I --." "Shut yo mouth, Boahb!"
So the two of them got to work learning the do's and don't's of internet life. Soon enough, they learned how to create their own line of websites, called "Wikia" and... well, created it. "Genius I tells ya!", Boss said. "Yes, but how can we officially broadcast it to others around the world?", Bob asked. "Why do you always havve to ruin stuff whenever I feel confident?", Boss asked. "But I --." "Shut up. We'll need to get someone smart to make our wiki known." So Boss & Bob went to the smartest guy in town: the computer wizard.
"... So as you can see, you're the only one who can broadcast our message of wiki-ism", Boss concluded. "I guess I could help you, but I won't", the wizard refused. "Why not, cha freak?!", Bob asked. "Because ya too darn fat!", the wizard yelled. "That's it!" And an intense battle between Bob and the wizard commensed. To make a long story short, it ended with half the city being blown up, and various members of the S.W.A.T. team were hospitalized. Boss's wiki plan was now useless, so they were back to the drawing board.
==The Story of the Boss - 2: Wikia is Advertised!==
When they were released from the hospital, Boss and Bob had to come up with another way to broadcast the creation of Wikia. They decided to broadcast Wikia on TV! But first they'd need a channel to make a deal with. "Hey, Fox Sports is pretty popular now, huh? Maybe we should --", Bob started. "Shush, I'm thinking! Hmm... hey I just got an idea! Why don't we advertise our creation on Fox, during Fox Sports?!", Boss suggested. "That's what I said", Bob replied. "What 'chu talkin' about? I came up with it!", Boss retorted. "No, you didn't. I started to say it, when you interrupted me, and stole my idea!", Bob growled. "Now Bob, just calm down. There's no need to try and plaguarize other people's ideas", Boss said. "Grrr... YOU SON OF A --! Wait, no. I'm not gonna get in a brawl. The last time I did, the entire half of the city blew up", Bob replied. "Good boy", Boss encouraged.
"... No", said the Fox representative. "No? Wh-what do you mean, no?", Boss asked. "No, we will not advertise your so-called 'Wikia' during our programs", he added. "That's not fair! They say here in America, you can make your dreams come true, but now I see that's a sham!", Bob growled. "Well, the creator of Fox is actually Canadian* ", the representative explained. "UGH!", Boss groaned, "Looks like we're back to the drawing board." "Yeah. Hey, why don't we get Disney, that big company, to sponsor us?", Bob suggested. "No, that won't work. Hey, why don't we get Disney to sponsor us?", Boss suggested. "That's what I said! Come on, Fox representative, isn't that what I said?", Bob asked. "Nah, Boss came up with it first", the representative said. "Oh, COME ON!", Bob groaned.
* Creator of Fox is not really Canadian.
"... No, I don't think so", said the Disney representative. "So you won't sponsor us either, huh?", Boss asked, "Big shot companies are so mean nowadays." "Why don't we try Warner Bros.?", Bob suggested. "Hey Bob, I just had an idea. Why don't we try Warner Bros.?", Boss suggested. "That's --!!! N-never mind", Bob muttered. Later... "NO!", said the Warner Bros. representative. "Let's try Sony", Bob suggested. "No, let's try Sony!", Boss countersuggested. Later... "NO!", said the Sony representative. "Let's try food companies! Welch's!", Bob suggested. Later... "NO!", said the Welch's representative. "Kellog's!", Bob suggested. Later... "NO!", said the Kellog's representative. "C.W. Post!" Later... "NO!" "General Mills!" Later... "NO!" "Samsung!" Later... "NO!" "Dell!" Later... "NO!" "Microsoft!" Later... "NO!" "Apple, Inc!" Later... "NO!" "Nintendo!" Later... "NO!" "PBS!" Later... "NO!" "Viacom!" Later... "NO!" "Wal-Mart!" Later... "NO!" "Burger King!" Later... "NO!" "Heck, even Vilson!" Later... "NO!... unless you have a burger." "We don't." "Then, NO!" "NO!" "NO!" "NO!"
"GOD!", Bob suggested. Boss and Bob got on their knees and started to pray. "God, can you please sponsor Wikia?", Boss asked. A loud, booming voice replied, "Hmm... no, I don't think so." "Dang it!", Bob groaned. The two got up. "Well, it's hopeless. It seems like we'll never get any sponsorship for Wikia", Boss lamented. "Actually, there is one organization we haven't asked yet", Bob pointed out. "Who?", Boss asked, desperate. Bob whispered the name in Boss's ear. Boss backed up in fear. "N-no... ANYTHING but that!", Boss yelled. "It's our only choice", Bob said. Boss took a deep breath then said, "Fine."
==The Story of the Boss: 3 - Boss Makes a Deal with Wikimedia==
Boss & Bob walked up to the desk. The CEO was in a loud chair in front of them, but the back was facing the two. "Who are you?", the CEO asked. "It is us... Boss, and Bob", Boss introduced. The CEO turned the chair and faced the two. "Ah, so I hear you're trying to sponsor Wikia are you?", the CEO asked. "Yes. Yes, we are", Boss replied. "So you've come to the CEO of Wikimedia, now have you?", the CEO asked. "*gulp*... Yes", Boss replied. "We've banned you, and now you've come crawling back?", the CEO asked. "No, we're not crawling back, but we just want some duckin' sponsorship", Bob explained. "As you may know, Wikimedia is a non-profit organization. So if we do sponsor you, we'll need some dough!", the CEO said.
"As much money as you need, Mr. CEO of Wikimedia", Boss agreed. "Alright, then...", the CEO said, pulling out a contract, "This is the standard sponsorship contract. Once you sign this, you are required by law, to send us $500 per month in fees." "$500?! You crazy, ya duckin' piece of she--", Bob started. Boss pulled out a pen. "Wha --? The Boss, you ain't really signing that are you?", Bob asked, unsuredly. "It's my only choice", Boss said, signing The Boss on the contract. "Heh heh heh... yes...", the CEO chuckled deviously. "And now, it's time for the registration fee! Give us $500, JUST for agreeing with us!", the CEO demanded. "What? That's criminy!", Bob growled. "You are required by LAW to give us the money, and if you don't, you'll be thrown in jail!", the CEO yelled. Boss pulled out a check for $500 and handed it to the CEO. "Nice doin' business with ya... now get out!"
A few hours later, Boss & Bob returned home and went on the computer. They went to Wikipedia, and sure enough there was a banner at the top of the screen that read "Wikia - A free database where anyone can join and make their own wiki, full of fun information and knowledge!" When clicked on, it took them to the home page of Wikia. "We finally did it, Bob. We got the advertisements", Boss said, proud. "Boss, I have a bad feeling about this. I mean, $500 a month for advertising? Where are we gonna get that money? And what if we can't pay it and breach the contract? Wikimedia is a powerful company, Boss, and it and its affiliates can track us down and --", Bob started. "Just calm down, Bob. Everything will be all right...", Boss promised. Little did he know, it wouldn't.
==The Story of the Boss - 4: Wikia Gets Users==
The next morning, Boss woke up and immediately went to Wikia.com. He saw that ONE sole person had left a comment on a blog Boss had made about Wikia being created. This person was an "unregistered contributor" as they were known back in "the day." This UC wrote "What the heck is this?!" Appaled, Boss went to reply to this guy's comment. He typed, "Well, random reader, Wikia is an organizative website where you can create your own wiki, or 'website of information that anyone can edit' for the good of mankind." He then posted the aforementioned comment. Boss then went to do other work, but was eventually pulled back to Wikia, where, to his surprise, the same guy had left another comment, which said, "Sounds suckish."
Disgusted, Boss replied, "No, this is not suckish. The foolish rap music or whatever you listen to is suckish! This website is made for those who seek information." Seconds later, the guy replied, "Rap music is off the hoozum. This website belongs in the toilet." Angered, Boss typed, "Gee, if you hate it so much, why don't you go back to the dump where you came from?!" The guy replied, "Your mother's already there, and she's so fat that she blocks the entrance." Now, this led to an argument between the two:
Boss: Such reprehensive behavior is not allowed on Wikia!
Guy: Hey, you started it.
Boss: I did NOT! You're the one who said it was "suckish."
Guy: I never said it was suckish. I said it sounded suckish.
Boss: Whatever! The point is, you need to change your attitude!
Guy: Man, you sound like my mama.
Boss: Well, at least one of us is mature here!
Guy: What's wrong with you? You talk like you're the creator of this stupid website.
Boss: I AM! And I'm not appreciative of you insulting my life's work.
Guy: It took you your life to make it? A five year-old could make this in just a couple of minutes.
Boss: If you keep this up, you're gonna have to be blocked!
Guy: Oh no, I'm going to be blocked. Whatever shall I do? Should I go to the dozens of other websites that are just like and better than this!
Boss: Would you like to be BANNED?!
Guy: Way to treat your first editor. I'm-a go over to my friends and tell them not to come to this crappy website.
Boss: No! Don't!
...
Boss: Hello?
...
Boss: -_-
Boss turned off the computer. He crawled into bed, and pressed his face into his pillow. "Smooth move, Bossy-boy", Boss groaned. He tried to go back to sleep, but he was already wide awake, so any attempt to do so was futile. Boss eventually got out of bed and went to the bathroom to execute his morning routine. After doing so, he had breakfast, then returned to the computer. He decided to type a story on Microsoft Word about a boy who was brutally murderered, and then his ghost goes to find the murderer.
After a couple of hours, Boss got to the climax of said story:
Josh's ghost came face-to-face with Mr. Prudeman... otherwise known as The Murderer! "So... you've found me, eh?", the Murderer asked. "Yeah. And now I'm going to get my revenge!", Josh growled. "Really? Will revenge do anything? Will it bring you back to life? No! It's not gonna do ANYTHING! I've WON! Josh, overcome with anger, charged at the Murderer! The Murderer pulled out a remote and pressed a button! Mechanical arms shot out of the walls, grabbed Josh's ghost's arms, and pulled him against the wall! "I bet you'd like to satisfy your sense of moral outrage, wouldn't cha', Josh? Well, would you like to do that in front of your... girlfriend?!", the Murderer yelled, pressing another button. A section of the wall rotated, revealing Jessa, tied to the wall, bound and gagged!
"Jessa!", Josh yelled. "Yes, it's her! Y'know, the one whose heart you broke right before I killed you!?", the Murderer yelled. "Don't worry, she'll be able to join you soon..." The Murderer placed a time bomb next to Jessa and set it to 5:00. The clock on it started to count down. "NO!", Josh yelled. "Yes. Now, not only do you have to free yourself from those arms, but you have to save Jessa, too! All in five minutes! But alas, I'll have escaped and gone on to harm MORE innocent lives! Mwah ha ha!", the Murderer cackled maniacally and left the building. "Prudeman! You... you, beast!", Josh screamed, trying to free himself from the arms. The ---
"I wanna love you! Ya pretty young thing!", the ringtone of Boss's cell phone rang. Boss quickly grabbed it and answered the call before anymore could play. "'Ello?", Boss asked. "Boss! You've got to get to Wikia immediately! There are new editors!", Bob yelled. "You say that like it's a bad thing", Boss pointed out. "It is! They're ATTACKING Wikia!", Bob shouted. "What?!", Boss shouted.
===The Story of the Boss - 4.5: The First Web War===
Boss immediately raced over to Wikia! Right before his eyes, Boss saw that the many hard-worked-on pages that he and Bob had gone through blood and sweat to create were being vandalized by... well, what seemed to be the guy from before and his new group of lackeys! Page after page were being wiped of content, or being polluted with profanity, or having words scrambled or messed up, and some vandals even went so far as to take pictures found on the internet of things so gruesome and post them at full-size on a variety pages! My God... it was horrible...
"No... NO! This can't be!", Boss shouted. "It was, Boss. It was. And it seems they're still at it! I'll go get some folks from some websites I'm on to help. In the meantime, you try to undo some of the vandalism, got it?", Bob asked. "G-got it...", Boss replied, unsuredly. "Okay, now I'll --- Huh? Hey, wait! What are you doing?! No! Put that down! No! NO! NOOOOO...!", Bob shouted. "Bob! Are you okay?!", Boss asked. The line went dead. O_O... Boss put on a grim face. "It's up to ME to stop this... this web war...", Boss said in a deep, crackling voice. He put on a sneer. "No one messes with Wikia."
Boss moved the mouse with great acceleration and speed! He clicked on the link to the unregistered contributor's page, then went to block them! "One down, a whole bunch more to go." Boss then proceeded to get to the user page of the rest of the vandals, which led to an option to block them. Click! Click! Click! In just a matter of seconds, he had blocked five vandals! Click! Click! Click! Click! In a few minutes, Boss had blocked another majority of them! Click! Click! Click! The rest of them were terminated! After which, Boss then went to undo the edits... which were a lot. Whilst in the middle, Boss noticed that another comment had been left on the blog, "You forgot about me."
Boss went to the blog and faced the guy mano-e-mano. "What is it you want from me?", Boss typed. "I want revenge...", the guy typed. "Can't we all just get along?", Boss typed. "No. I'll stop at nothing to destroy Wikia. And there's nothing you can do", the guy typed. "I can block you!", Boss typed. "And then I can get to another computer. And if you block me there, I'll go to another! Don't you see? There's no way you can rid of me. I will triumph...", the guy typed. Boss was speechless. "... oh, and one last thing. Bob here says hi", the guy's final comment was. Boss's eyes widened in fear.
Boss fell out of the chair and crawled back in fear. "No... he's got Bob!", Boss panicked. He got up and refreshed the page. There, he saw that another editor had commented. "Don't worry, Boss! We'll revert the vandalism and keep this guy at bay! You just go save Bob!", they had typed. Boss looked at how many people were online. The count was 12, Boss, the guy, and 10 editors that Bob had managed to summon before he was kidnapped. "Thanks, guys. I re---", Boss managed to type before his phone rang again. It was Bob!
"Hello?", Boss answered. "Listen Boss, sorry for getting cut off earlier. The guy, he's got me! We're in the abandoned warehouse on the outskirts of town!", Bob explained. "I know where that is", Boss replied. "Good! You've got to get over here fast! He's gonna be here any ---! NO! Get away from me! NOOOO! Waaah! Ugh...", Bob said, before the line went dead once more. Boss finished his comment, posted it, grabbed his backpack, and busted out the door! He climbed into his car and drove off towards the outskirts of town!
Boss stopped his car in front of the warehouse and busted inside! "Bob! Where are you?!", Boss shouted. Suddenly, he felt a sting in his arm. Boss looked down and saw blood oozing from it. The lights in the room turned on. The guy stood on a balcony-type platform, and he had a shotgun in his hands, with which had smoke coming from it, as if it had been recently fired. "So... finally, we meet in person. Not feeling so bossy now, eh Boss?", the guy asked. "I don't want any trouble. Just let Bob go...", Boss groaned, holding his arm. "Uh-uh. That's not how it works. It's a life for a life. If he goes, you come in", the guy refused. "Fine...", Boss reluctantly agreed.
"Excellent!", the guy growled. Meanwhile, Bob was sneaking up behind the guy. He whacked the guy over the head with a metal chair! The guy, unconscious, held off the platform and fell feet down! He lay there, while Bob ran down the stairs to Boss. "Bob... you're... okay...", Boss groaned, collapsing on the floor. Bob rushed over to him. "Boss! You okay?", Bob asked. "Ugh... I could be better...", Boss grunted. "Come, we have to get you to the hospital!", Bob ordered. "You mean, YOU have to get ME to the hospital. I can't move, remember?", Boss corrected. "We don't have time to use correct terminology!", Bob growled. "You don't have time, period...", a deep, crackling voice interrupted.
The guy was awake, and he aimed his shotgun at Boss & Bob! "After I kill the creators of Wikia, I can take it over myself! Mwah ha ha!", the guy cackled, "And now..." He put his finger on the trigger... CRASH! A police car crashed into the building! Police officers jumped out of their cars and tackled the guy to the ground! They put him in handcuffs! "Ugh! What?! How did you find me!?", the guy shouted. "A gunshot goes a long shot", an officer replied. An officer stuffled the guy into one of the cars. "Get an ambulance over here, stat! That guy has some major external bleeding", an officer ordered.
An ambulance arrived, put Boss on a stretcher, and drove off with him. Bob, meanwhile, stayed behind with the police, to pick up any remaining evidence. Bob found an interesting piece of evidence...
Minutes later, Bob BUSTED into Boss's hospital. "Hey there, Bob. Did you check out Wikia, yet?", Boss asked. "Yeah. Turns out the editors cleaned up the vandalism and volunteered to create some new wikis and encourage other people to come", Bob explained. "Great", Boss replied. "Anyway, Boss, that's not what I wanted to tell you. I found this card at the scene of the crime", Boss said, handing it to Bob. "Huh? That's the guy!", Boss realized. "Yeah! And look what it says: Edward, Member of Wikimedia Staff Board!", Bob pointed out. "Gasp! You don't think...", Boss began. "It's true... Wikimedia's up to something...", Bob replied.
==The Story of the Boss - 5: Wikia Grows==
Category:Character Pages