Duck! Rabbit, Duck!/Transcript

On a snowy day, a sign is nailed to a tree:
“DUCK Season Open”
‘Hunting’ music plays in the background
A pair of black arms reach up with a crowbar and rip the sign off the tree. The nail holes remain behind.
The culprit, humming a relaxed, romantic tune, forcefully removes a ‘Duck Season Open’ sign from another tree.
A third sign is pulled off a post.
We see the signs burning on a campfire and Daffy Duck warms his hands over the blaze.
Daffy, addressing the unseen audience: I am a duck bent on self-preservation
Daffy continues rubbing his hands over the flames.
New scene:
Elmer Fudd walks through the snowy forest, dressed as a hunter, his gun at the ready.
Elmer, sings: ♪ A hunting we will go, a hunting we will go, hi ho the merri-oh a hunting we will go ♪
Elmer, addressing the audience: I’m a wed (red) hot sportsman, after wild game. Hehehe
Elmer walks on and then stops – he has seen something.
Elmer: Huh?
We see Daffy standing behind a sign marked “It’s Rabbit Season”, pointing off to the right.
Elmer: Oh boy! Fwesh (fresh) wabbit stew! Hehehe
We see Daffy has turned and on his back is a sign which says “follow the yellow line”, with a big yellow arrow pointing off to the right
Elmer dashes off, following the signs and the loooong yellow line
Daffy takes a shortcut to the end of the yellow line, which leads directly to Bugs Bunny’s hole.
Daffy: Oh Bugsy, Bugsy neighbour? Could you spare a cup of black strap molasses?
Daffy sneaks away
Bugs sticks his head out of the hole holding up a pink spotted coffee cup.
We can see Elmer coming up behind him, but Daffy is nowhere to be seen.
Bugs Bunny: One cup of black strap molasses coming up!
Behind Bugs, Elmer fires.
The shot hits the coffee cup and the molasses leak out of many holes.
Bugs: Funny, I didn’t think molasses would run in January.
Elmer approaches Bugs from behind and sticks his gun in the back of Bugs’ head.
Bugs drops the cup.
Elmer: Gotcha, you wabbit stew, you!
Bugs, still facing away from Elmer because there is a gun stuck in the back of his head, pulls a carrot out of a pocket and starts chewing on it.
Bugs turns to face Elmer and crosses his arms on the gun
Bugs: Look, Doc. Are you looking for trouble? I’m not a stewing rabbit.
Bugs lifts one foot to show a band on one ankle labelled “Fricasseeing Rabbit”
Bugs: I’m a fricasseeing rabbit!
Elmer: Fwicasseeing wabbit?
Bugs: Have you got a fricasseeing rabbit licence?
Bugs frowns at Elmer.
Elmer: Well, no. I –
Bugs: Do you happen to know what the penalty is for shooting a fricasseeing rabbit without a fricasseeing rabbit licence?
Daffy storms in from off scene.
Daffy: Just a parboiled minute! What is this, a cooking class? Shoot him! Shoot him!
Elmer: But I haven’t got a wicence to shoot a fwicasseeing wabbit
Daffy is so agitated that his eyes spin in his head.
Daffy: Don’t go away Daniel Boob – I’ll be back in a flash!
Daffy drops down Bugs’ rabbit hole, pushing Bugs’ feet out of the way to do so.
Bugs blinks in surprise and looks down after Daffy.
Daffy comes back up out of the hole, with a pen and paper
Daffy, writes: This licence permits bearer to shoot a frica-frica- (to Bugs) Hey, bub! How do you spell fricasseeing?
Bugs: F R I C A S S E E I N G (bugs pauses to rub his nose) D U C K
Daffy writes all that down and adds a full stop.
Daffy walks back to Elmer with the licence.
Daffy: Here you are, Leather Stocking. All nice and legal.
Elmer reads the licence, line by line, carefully
Daffy: Hurry up, hurry up! The fine print doesn’t mean a thing!
Elmer finishes reading and glances at the audience for a moment.
Daffy: Hurry up, hurry up!
Elmer shrugs at the audience, steps back and shoots Daffy in the head.
When the smoke around Daffy clears, his eyes are shut and his beak is spinning around his head.
Daffy’s beak slows to a stop, but stops on his left cheek.
Daffy opens his eyes, gives Elmer a dirty look, adjusts his beak back into its correct position and grabs the licence from Elmer.
Daffy: Here, lets see that thing.
Daffy reads the licence, muttering under his breath
Daffy: … fricasseeing duck …
Daffy: Well, I guess I’m the goat!
Bugs is sitting in the mouth of his rabbit hole. He holds up a sign that says ‘Goat Season Open’
(Hunting music plays)
Daffy: What –
Elmer shoots Daffy (because its goat season and Daffy said he is a goat, see?)
When the smoke around Daffy clears, his beak is open and upside down on top of his head.
Daffy walks over to the Bugs, who is still holding the Goats Season sign, and snaps his beak back into position
Daffy (to Bugs): You’re a dirty Dog!
Bugs (to Daffy): and you are a dirty skunk.
Daffy looks shocked
Daffy (flabbergasted): “I’m a dirty skunk”???
Daffy (even more flabbergasted): “I’m a dirty skunk”???
Bugs holds a up a sign that says “Dirty Skunk Season”
Hunting music plays
Elmer shoots Daffy
When the smoke clears around Daffy, his beak is up around his neck. He takes it off and puts it back in its proper place (well, he can’t talk without it…)
Daffy: Brother, am I a pigeon!
Bugs holds up a sign that says ‘Pigeon Season’
Hunting music plays
Elmer shoots Daffy
When the smoke clears, Daffy is holding his beak in his hand, having caught it when it blew off. he snaps it back on and walks over to talk to Elmer.
Daffy: Look, pal, what you need is a little briefing.
Daffy leads Elmer away.
Daffy: Lets go over here and talk private for a minute
Daffy pushes Elmer behind a rock, checking to see Bugs hasn’t followed them.
Daffy: Ok, now lets get the fundamentals.
Elsewhere, Bugs shrugs to the audience, then makes a rabbit-shaped snowman.
Back with Daffy and Elmer, Daffy has obviously been instructing Elmer,
Daffy: All right now, lets go over it once more. Now, what are you?
Elmer: I’m a hunter
Daffy, nodding: And what season is it?
Elmer: Wabbit season
Daffy nods.
Daffy runs out from behind the rock and Elmer follows him.
Daffy (without really taking the time to look): And there’s a rabbit! Shoot him, shoot him!
Elmer runs past Daffy and fires. He shoots the snow-rabbit. The snow-rabbit is blown away completely.
Elmer: Good heavens! He disintegrated!
Bugs floats down from above (assisted by an umbrella). he is wearing a short white robe and has a gold halo and wings.
Bugs: Ehhhh, whats up, doc? How are things down here on earth?
Daffy looks very unimpressed. He wipes his hand down his face hard, and makes his beak bounce up.
Elmer (remorseful music plays): Gowwy, Mr. Wabbit! I hope I didn’t hurt you too much when I kiwwed you!
Daffy grabs Elmer from behind and turns him around
Daffy, angry: Are you nuts? Why if he’s dead, then I’m a mongoose!
Bugs looks angelic and holds up a ‘Mongoose Season’ sign
Hunting music plays
Elmer shoots Daffy
Daffy’s beak drops to the ground. Daffy reaches down, picks it up and puts it back on his face with a snap.
He walks Elmer away by the arm.
Elmer: More briefing?
Daffy: More briefing…
(a change in lighting indicates ‘later’)
Daffy: Now, you’ve got it straight? You’re not going to pay no more attention to no more signs! You’re just gonna listen to me. Right?
Elmer: Wight!
Elsewhere…
Bugs comes out of his hole with a swimming cap and a fake duck beak. He hides his ears with the swimming cap and ties on the duck beak.
Bugs, wriggling his eyebrows: Quack, quack.
Daffy spies what Bugs is up to from behind a rock.
Daffy: hoho – thats his little game, is it?
Daffy runs out from behind the rock. Elmer follows him.
Daffy, jumping up and down: Shoot the duck! Shoot the duck!
Elmer shoots Daffy. (Honestly I don’t know why this surprises Daffy)
When the smoke clears, Daffy’s beak is misarranged around his head in yet another position, and Daffy’s expression shows he’s had a really long hard day… He snaps his beak back into position.
Daffy, to Elmer: Shoot me again, I enjoy it – I love the smell of burnt feathers. And gun powder. And cordite.
Daffy puts his hands above his head to simulate antlers
Daffy: I’m an elk – shoot me! Go on! Its elk season!
Daffy gets down on the ground
Daffy: I’m a fiddler crab. Why don’t you shoot me? Its Fiddler Crab season!
Bugs pops out of his hole in a Game Warden uniform (you can tell, because he has ‘Game Warden’ written on his hat)
Bugs walks over towards Elmer while Daffy walks away. The camera follows Daffy.
Daffy, soliloquy: Where did I go wrong? Where did I take so long turning?
Bugs has reached Elmer. Elmer looks very confused and upset.
Elmer: Oh, Mr Game Warden! I hope you can help me. I’ve been told I can shoot wabbits and goats and pigeons and mongooses and dirty skunks and ducks. Could you tell me what season it weawwy (really) is?
Bugs: Why certainly, my boy!
Bugs holds up a baseball
Bugs: Its baseball season!
Its too much for Elmer, he’s gone mad. He laughs hysterically.
Bugs: Here, boy! Here boy! Go get it! Go get it!
Bugs throws the baseball and Elmer chases it and shoots at it.
Daffy: Got rid of him, eh?
Bugs, taking off the game warden hat: Yep! That takes care of him! Ah, now tell me – just between the two of us, what season is it? Really?
Daffy: Hehehe, don’t be so naive, buster! Why everybody knows its really duck season!
The camera pans back and we see Daffy walk away from Bugs’ rabbit hole and the entire edge of the scene turns out to have hunters come up from hiding and shoot him, repeatedly, then duck back down.
Daffy lies in a blackened crater, from which he crawls to Bugs’ feet. He drags himself up the front of Bugs’ game warden outfit’s shirt
Daffy: You’re despicable!
*Iris Out*
"That’s all Folks!"
Category:Transcripts