Stopping by the Jungle on a Dramatic Evening

The first chapter of Total Drama: Tiki Jungle, posted on January 5, 2011. In the second season of Toad-al Drama, eight former players from Total Drama School join eight new faces on an uncharted island in the Pacific to compete for another $1,000,000 after School's bear incident.
==Story==
Chris McLean is standing on a dock made out of bamboo in front of a tropical island. "Hey, viewers. It's me, Chris McLean." he says. "I've decided to start another season of Total Drama! Aren't you guys just so excited?"
Crickets chirp.
"...Never mind." says Chris. "Now, we're coming from you live at a volcanic island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean! I call this Tiki Jungle! Any of you guys know why?"
He looks at the many tiki statues placed around the island. "Oh, and look. Here's the best part." He points upward, and reveals a large volcano. "That baby's active. Now, 16 contestants will be competing for a large sum of $1,000,000! Yep, the prize money last season was eaten by a bear. Now, let's meet our first 8 contestants. Total Drama School was an extreme season with 12 slightly insane students. In the end, Carson, the funny kid, won, but his prize money was eaten by a bear. Here he is now, let's say hello to him."
Carson, a skinny but athletic-looking kid with crazy blond hair and a green shirt, emerges from a boat and says, "Hey, Chris. 'Sup?"
"Not much, so are you planning to win again?" asks Chris.
"Yeah, man. I deserve that money, my old money was gobbled up by some bear. Hate when that happens. So, man, I'm the first one here again?" says Chris.
"Looks like it. Well, it seems the next boat is about to come. Sharissa, who is a bit dangerous and quite disturbing, managed to nab second place in TDS. So, here she is, possibly bringing even more danger to the island." says Chris.
Sharissa, a freakishly tall girl with extremely long purple hair and tons of makeup, comes running out of the boat. "Aieee!" she shrieks. "Hey, everyone!"
"Dude, have you grown since TDS?" asks Carson.
"Yep. As a matter of fact, I'm now 6 foot 3!" exclaims Sharissa.
"Wow. That's just... Wow. So, Sharissa, how's life been since TDS?" says Chris.
"Um... I'm teaching my baby brother to act more like me. He already knows 57-and-a-half swear words, he just put on his first makeup yesterday, and I went outside a week ago and saw him stabbing ants with a stick." explains Sharissa.
"What's the half?" asks Carson.
"You don't wanna know." says Sharissa.
"That's quite pleasant. Well, enough about you. I wonder where the next boat is?" says Chris.
Sharissa says, "Oh, y' mean Amanda's boat? I sunk it by throwing rocks at it. She didn't get seriously maimed or anything during the competition, so that's her karma."
"Is that appropriate?" asks Carson.
"Considering all the stuff I do at home, yep." says Sharissa.
A tiny speck in the ocean is seen. Gradually, it comes closer and closer, and then reveals itself to be a sopping wet and extremely angry Amanda. She hoists herself onto the dock, flips her hair about, then begins cursing.
Carson says, "Hey, baby. Why are you so wet?"
Amanda says, "I'm not your baby. I'm wet because that psycho--" she points to Sharissa, "sank my darn boat."
"You deserved it. You were a jerk last season." says Sharissa.
"Sheesh. But don't you think sinking someone's boat is a little harsh?" says Amanda.
"No, not really, compared to some other stuff I've done." says Sharissa.
Chris says, "I wish this conversation would never end, but we only have 22 minutes. So let's see Meg before we run out of time."
Meg, an attractive and athletic girl, is waterskiing on the back of her boat. She gets off, does a flip, and lands on the dock.
"What's up, guys?" says Meg. "Glad to be back... is that an active volcano?"
"MEGGIEEEE!" shrieks Sharissa. She gives her a bear hug.
In between chokes, Meg says, "You've grown, it looks like, but can you... put me down?"
Sharissa says, "Sure. And yes, it is an active volcano."
Meg says, "This'll be fun."
"Yeah, I know." says Chris. "I sure hope you're not being sarcastic."
"No, I'm not." says Meg dryly.
"All right then," says Chris, "Let's meet up with our ol' pal, Gary. He was a fan favorite, but managed to get sixth place in the season. Smack-dab in the middle. The little nerd was remembered mostly for his catchphrase, 'Over 9000', and his obsession with Meg, and girls in general."
Meg glares. "Uh-oh," she says.
Another very large boat comes up to the dock, this one painted orange with the words "Over Nine Thousand" written on it.
Gary steps out, carrying a laptop, a keyboard, a wig, and some large suitcases. "I'm so glad to see you, guys!" he says.
"Glad to see you too, Brotha." says Carson, and he gives him a fist bump.
Gary rushes over to Meg, "Meg!" he says, and tries to hug her.
Meg pushes him away, and says nicely, "Sorry, Gary. But I have a boyfriend back home, and he really doesn't like it when I hug other guys."
Gary mopes away next to Carson. "Nice try, dude." whispers Carson and he gives him a pat on the back.
Chris says, "Gary, the fans are glad to see you again. Doesn't look like you've changed one bit, have you? Still have those braces on?"
"Yupperoo." says Gary. "So, what's this season about?"
"Well..." says Chris, but he gets interrupted by another voice.
"Yo, yo, yo, home dawgy dawgs!" says Devin, who jumps onto the deck and starts shaking his behind. "Th' Dev-meister's back in th' house! An' today, I's gon' win dis thang!"
"Devin." says Chris. "You all remember Devin, right? That super-annoying little gangsta-wannabe shrimp who placed thirteenth originally and refused to lose? Kind of like another reality show contestant we know?"
The contestants all nod their heads.
"Yo, homies!" says Devin. "I's still saggin, word! An' I's gon' getta chick dis time, yo!"
"Good luck, Brotha." says Carson. "I sure am happy that all the Bling Brothas are here. I sure hope we're all on the same team."
"Yeeeah, boy!" says Devin. "Why ain't there any shawties here yet, yo? I's gettin' hungry fo' girls, word."
"Looks like, in the two week hiatus before this season, you've developed an interest in girls." says Chris.
"I's always loved th' females, yo." says Devin. "There jus' wasn't no hotties in da' Schooly thang."
All the girls glare at him.
"I's sorry, girls!" says Devin. "I's jus' bein' truthful. All righ'?"
The girls all mutter, "Fine."
"On to our next contestant..." says Chris hurriedly. "Helga, who placed ninth overall, and was obsessed with books, is back." Chris pauses. "Just because we needed one more veteran. Here she is. But, I must warn you, she's almost as boring as Emilee from last season."
Helga comes out reading a book that says "Mockingbird" on the cover. "Greetings, everyone." she says. "I'm reading this book, Mockingbird, for the five hundred and seventy first time. It's about this girl named--"
"We don't care," says Amanda.
Helga glares at her. "Stupid popular girls..." she mutters. "Not being able to understand a good book..."
"I know a good book." says Gary. "It's called Dragon Ball X: The Manga: Volume 31. It's the volume where Vegeta says--"
"I don't like books." says Amanda through gritted teeth.
"It's a comic!" says Gary.
"Moving on." says Chris. "All right, because I don't really want to start an argument, I'll introduce the eight noobs--I mean, completely new players."
"Wait," says Sharissa. "Where's Alex? He was supposed to be here."
"You'll see Alex soon enough," says Chris. He then giggles. "Well, our first newcomer is a girl who loves to act and do everything related to the arts. She's a bit eccentric, so don't really provoke her. Here she is now."
A pink-haired girl wearing a skimpy top and blue pants leaps off of the boat and throws flower petals in the air.
"My, my, my!" she says, "O! How wonderful it is to be here, with all this beautiful wildlife..." She kisses a tree.
"Cute peers..." She pinches Carson's cheeks, and Carson turns beet-red.
"And this amazingly talented host!" She runs up to Chris. "My name is Octavia, please call me that and only that. I'm sure to make your competition super exciting!"
"All right, miss actress. I'm sure you'll provide this show with quite a bit of drama..." says Chris.
Octavia leaps towards the other contestants. "Hello, peers. I'm--"
"We know," says Amanda rudely.
"Who is that?" asks Octavia.
"Antagonist," says Meg. "Apparently every season needs one."
"Ah," says Octavia, "I'm sure you shall lighten up during the competition, eh?"
"Sure. Whatever." says Amanda angrily.
"All right. That's ol' Octy for you, folks. Next up, let's meet our second newbie. His name's Trey."
A very tall, tanned, and handsome young man with a surfboard and sunglasses walks over to the group. "Hey, guys." he says, "My name is Trey, and I'm pretty much just your average, cool guy."
"Your average, cool, hot guy," Amanda says to Octavia.
"I'm not supposed to talk to you if you are the antagonist," says Octavia, "But I do agree with you. He is quite a looker."
"Hey, girls." says Trey, and walks over to Amanda, Octavia, and the other girls. "I'm Trey."
"Hi, I'm Amanda." says Amanda dreamily.
"Hey," says Carson, "Amanda, you greeted everyone, even me, rudely, and now you're swooning over some guy that you barely know? He could be, like, some sort of gangster!"
"I wouldn't min' dat, bro." says Devin.
"Looks like somebody's jealous..." Meg whispers to Sharissa.
Sharissa giggles.
"Okay, I'm sure Trey will become very popular... especially with the female crowd. Anyways--"
A small sailboat comes careening down the ocean, until it finally lands on the dock. In it is an attractive, yet tough-looking girl with a skull tattoo, greasy, long hair covering one eye, and carrying a stereo blaring with rock music.
"This is our next contestant." says Chris. "What's your name? I forgot."
"Call me Chris." the tough-looking girl says.
"Um, sorry." says Chris. "I'm the host, and my name is Chris. So, you might as well pick a different name. How 'bout... Chrissy?"
"Fine." says Chrissy gruffly. "That's what they called me in my early days. Before I got this." She points to her tattoo.
"All right." says Chris nervously.
Chrissy walks towards the other contestants.
"Yo, brotha, dat homey is fly! Finally, 'dere's som' hot chicks here, yo!" whispers Devin.
"Nah," says Carson. "I don't really like those girls who beat you up if you break up with 'em."
Chrissy looks at Devin and says, "What are you lookin' at, kid?"
"Er..." says Devin, "I like yo'... boozums?"
"Yeah, whatever." says Chrissy dryly. "Weirdo."
She walks over to Meg. "Hi, I'm Meg." says Meg.
"Chrissy." says Chrissy. "Good to see there's at least one sane person here, among lots of dorks." She looks at Devin and Chris especially.
"Er... Thanks. I hope we can be tight." says Meg. Then, in a gangsta impression, she says, "Yo."
"The next boat is here," says Chris. "Everyone, please meet Julia."
The boat drops off an extremely short, red-haired girl wearing short blue shorts and a shirt that says "Kitteh."
"I'm Julia." she says angrily. "I don't wanna be here."
"Hi, Julia." says Gary. "From your shirt, I can see that you like memes too! I like the Lolcats a lot, but my favorite one is--"
"SHUT UP!" screams Julia extremely loudly.
"Someone's got anger issues..." says Chrissy. "Take a chill pill, little girl."
"Little girl? LITTLE GIRL?!?" snaps Julia. "I am not a friggin' little girl! I am sixteen-and-a-half years old, and I'm four feet and eleven inches!"
"That makes you a little girl." says Helga.
Julia kicks Helga in the privates, and Helga runs away screaming.
"I'm sure you will be quite enjoyable," says Chris to Julia. "But Arthur's here, and I don't really want to waste any time."
"Wait a second..." says Julia slowly. "Did you say Arthur?"
"Yes, I did." says Chris blatantly.
Julia curses.
Then, a tall, slightly overweight boy with glasses and side-bangs steps onto the dock.
"I'm morbidly obeeeese!" he shouts in a deep, rumbly voice.
"ARTHUR, SHUT UP!" says Julia.
"She scaaaares me!" says Arthur and points to Julia.
"Do you two know each other?" asks Chris. "Dang it, I didn't want any more of that."
"Know each other? Of course, we know each other! He sits right in front of me in Math class! Every single friggin' day, it's 'I'm morbidly obese' this, and 'my peanuts are loose' that, and gosh! I can't stand it! Every day, I kick him in the darn kiwis, but noooo! The next day, he's back to his usual stupid tricks! And worst of all, he's so big and flabby that he blocks the space in front of me. I can barely see! And I joined this crappy old competition just so I could get away from him for a couple of months, and now he's here too?!? I hate this guy! Chris, please don't make us be on the same team!" rants Julia.
"Wow." says Arthur. "I didn't know you felt that way about me."
"Seriously?" screams Julia, and kicks Arthur onto the shore.
"Don't touch meeee!" says Arthur loudly.
"I'm sure this competition will be quite interesting. Let's greet our next contestant." says Chris.
A small boy steps off the boat, wearing sunglasses. "Hello, everyone." he says with a flashy grin. He then whispers to someone inside the boat, "Hey, you! Weren't you supposed to put on the salsa music?"
"Hello, Nic." says Chris. "Or should I say, Nic-e-jandro?"
The other contestants are confused.
"Nic here likes to pretend he's Alejandro, from World Tour." says Chris.
"Hello, mi amor." Nic says to Chrissy.
"Why do I always attract freaks?" says Chrissy to Meg.
Meg shrugs.
"Check out my buff ab belly!" says Nic, and rips off his shirt. Everyone laughs, because he is so skinny. He tries to do the wave with his abs, but fails.
"Yeah. You really call that your buff ab belly?" says Trey. "I've got a real buff ab belly." He also rips off his shirt, but he is actually muscular.
All of the girls stare at him. "So... beautiful..." says Amanda.
"Like Justin, only hotter..." says Octavia.
"Guys, guys! I'm so much cooler than ol' Trey here! Look what I can do! I can tie my hair in a ponytail with my legs!" says Nic jealously. He tries, but fails miserably too. "Maybe I should resort to the bad part of Alejandro, but I don't want to end up a robot."
"Nic, you will be famous for being pathetic. I'm hoping you get kicked off early." says Chris.
"No, no, no," says Nic. "I am evil like Al. I will kick off everyone one-by-one. You will all see."
"We don't need to hear any more," says Chrissy rudely. "Now shut up."
"I shall vote you off soon enough." says Nic. He waggles a finger under Chrissy's chin.
Chrissy walks away, but is interrupted by a large foghorn. Another boat comes, this time with a husky boy wearing gym clothes and neon-green shoes.
"Hey, guys!" the boy says. "I'm Manty, the most popular and cool dude in all of... where are we again?"
"Manty?" whispers Chrissy to Julia. They both giggle.
"Meg!" screams Manty. He pushes Nic aside, ("Move, midget,") and gets to Meg. He gives Meg a bear hug.
"Get... offa... me." says Meg angrily.
"Who is this idiot?" says Gary.
"Some freak who goes to my school." says Meg. "He thinks he's a 'playa', and he's so popular for no reason."
"Well, I hate him." replies Gary.
"Shut up, shrimp." says Manty. "Your kind isn't popular at my school. You're one of those kids who sits alone at lunch, right?"
"Why are these guys so obsessed with popularity?" says Gary.
Arthur shrugs. "All I know is that I'm morbidly obee--"
"Don't even say any more." snaps Julia.
"Fine, then." rumbles Arthur.
Amanda walks up to Manty. "Oh, you're Manty." she says. "That freak who ate his boogers in kindergarten."
Manty turns beet-red. "Don't mention that, girl. You know I'm just so cool, right? Look at my shoes, everyone!" He shows off his neon green shoes.
"Those shoes suuuuck!" growls Arthur. He begins to say something else, but then sees the last boat.
An extremely beautiful girl with long brown hair and large eyes steps out of the boat wearing a pink and black dress.
"Everyone, meet our last contestant, Elena." says Chris.
"She's a nice one." whispers Gary to Carson.
Carson nods. "But, I'm loyal to Amanda."
"Hi, Chris!" says Elena. "You're so cute." She hugs him.
"Um... Thanks. I don't really get that many hugs from sixteen-year-old girls, but all right." says Chris.
"Yeah, all of the boys here are so cute!" she says. "I like boys, a lot."
"Hi, Elena." says Arthur. "I'm Arthur."
"Hi, Arthur." Elena says boredly.
Julia knees him in the crotch. "Yeah, no girl would like you, 'cuz you're so annoying, ya big tub of lard."
"Shuuuut uuuup!" rumbles Arthur.
Elena walks over to Meg and Chrissy, and introduces herself. "I hope we can be pretty good friends!" she says. "I make friends real easily."
"We'll see 'bout that," says Chrissy slyly.
"Chrissy!" Meg whispers. "We need an alliance!"
"Oh, yeah, right." she says. She then has a lighter tone in her voice, "We'll be like super-BFFs!" she says in a jolly voice.
"Sounds good." says Elena.
Nic then walks in front of Elena. "Hello, beauty." says Nic.
"You're so cute!" says Elena, and hugs him.
"I'm not cute!" says Nic through gritted teeth. "I'm HOT!"
"All right, cutie." says Elena.
Nic begins to argue with Elena.
Chris then says, "What will be in store for these jungle-mates next time? Who will pick the teams, and what will they be named? Who will be eliminated first? And where's Alex? Find out the answers to all these questions and possibly more, on Total... Drama... Tiki, Tiki Jungle!"