I Am a Big Boy

The rocking chair creaks loudly as Nana heaves her weight back and forth. She is cradling my brother, trying to put him to sleep. He has just turned two. We had a large party with a huge cake and many, many presents. We played and we laughed, until my brother hit his head on the crib, scaring Nana. He always spoils the fun with his silliness! I hate him!
It is late though and I am getting sleepy. I yawn loudly, and I start sucking on my thumb. Nana comes over.
"Sleepy, little prince?" she says pecking my cheek. I giggle happily. She lays my brother down next to me and draws the dusty curtains closed. I try to get more comfortable in my crib as Nana's footsteps on the musty carpet fade away. My eyelids start closing and I quickly fall into a sweet slumber.
I wake up in the middle of the night. The moonlight shines through the curtains and makes the shadows dance in the room. I am not afraid though. I know it is just shadows and nothing more. My focus shifts on Nana's rocking chair; so big and mysterious. I stand on my feet and crawl out of the crib; the rusty structure groaning loudly. I fall on the floor with a loud thump, but I am not hurt. I am a big boy. I look over to my brother. Thankfully, he hasn't woken up. He is always very calm and he never cries.
I crawl towards Nana's chair. From this close it looks so very big. I take a deep breath. I move to the front of the chair and I climb up. Nana's aroma fills my nostrils. I move back and forth. The chair starts rocking softly. This is so much fun. Excited, I start to go faster and faster.
Suddenly, the chair breaks and I hit the ground hard. The door swings open and Nana rushes in; her eyes sparkling with rage.
"You stupid shit! What have you done you fuck?! That is my chair you big, fat idiot!" Nana screams at me. She starts beating me with a stick and I cower in the farthest corner of the room. She throws the stick at me, but misses. She storms out of the room, shutting the door behind her. Streams of hot tears run down my face. I sit still for hours, sobbing and trembling with fear. I am a big boy. I am a big boy. I am a big boy...
The morning finds me in the same position. I have been crying all night and I am so scared. The door starts opening, and I let out a faint cry. The door opens all the way and Nana steps into the room. I close my eyes.
"Good morning, sweetie," she says in a calming voice. "I brought you breakfast. It is your favourite, chocolate milk and biscuits."
Despite my best efforts to stay angry at her, I look up; my eyes two big swollen red balls. Nana kneels beside me, a huge plate of cookies in one hand and a feeding bottle with chocolate milk in the other.
I lie across her lap, my head resting on her thighs. She slowly brings the bottle to my lips and I suck the milk greedily while she strokes my hair.
After I finish my milk, she gets up and leans over my brother.
"Oh, our little honeybee is asleep," she says tucking him in, "Better not wake him up then."
She then turns towards me. She caresses my cheek and says, "Nana loves you very very much. You know that, right?"
I nod. She leaves.
After a few minutes sucking on my thumb, I get bored. I move over to my brother to see if he is awake. He is asleep. How can he always be asleep?
I try to reach him through the crib bars. I grab hold of him and drag him towards me. Why isn't he waking up? I pull him harder. His bald head sticks out from his covers; his eyes staring at me.
"Come down! I want to play!" I plead. He doesn't move. "Come on! I'm bored!" He doesn't even blink. I get angry and I pull him off the edge of the crib.
He falls on the floor. His head shatters into a thousand little pieces and his glassy eyes roll on the floor. I broke another brother. Nana is going to be very angry with me. As I sit down, my hand lands on a sharp piece. A small tickle of blood runs down the tip of my finger. But I won't cry. I am a big boy.
I start licking my finger. As I do, I look at the mirror on my left. I am starting to really outgrow my clothes. It feels like I have been wearing them for years. Also, my beard is starting to get a bit bushy again. I have to ask Nana to shave it. Oh, how lucky I am for Nana. She is always taking care of me. But someday I will have to move out. I am a big boy, after all.
Category:Mental Illness