The Sneeze

The Sneeze is the fourth episode of The SpongeBob and Papa Tarrant Show. The episode was aired on June 25th, 2024, and was written by KMJ.
== Transcript ==
[The episode starts with SpongeBob and Papa Tarrant at the tabler, discussing random stuff]
Papa Tarrant: hey SpongeBob
SpongeBob: yeah?
Papa Tarrant: Notice how 3 episode past are marked as 21+, even tho there isn't even that absolutely tyrannical?
SpongeBob: I mean... first one was about murder, second was about riot attack and third one was about ufo
Papa Tarrant: I don't think one of these counts as 21+, they could be from 18+ or 13+
SpongeBob: Ehhh, 3 times a charm, will make a big diffrence in the episode
Papa Tarrant: Okay...
[Suddenly, an alarm clock rings]
SpongeBob: Oh, i need to go to the Krusty Krabs!
Papa Tarrant: Ok! See ya!
[SpongeBob exits his house and goes to the Krusty Krabs]
SpongeBob: Morning Mr Krabs! Morning Squidward!
Squidward: good morning...
Queston: Can i have "The Cube"
Squidward: Get the fuck out of my face retard, this shit dosent exist
Queston: *pulls up a camera* can you say it again
Squidward: *throws a cube straight to Queston* I SAID THERE IS NO "THE CUBE"!
Mr. Krabs: Mister squidward! Keep it down! Im trying to count me money!
Squidward: Fine... ill chill out.
[Cut to SpongeBob making Krabby Patties}
SpongeBob: Lalalala, lalalala, lalalala!
[Cut to Squidward, being the cashier]
Frank the frank ol' fish: May i have your signature "Crying Johnny"
Squidward: Fine... *turns to SpongeBob* SpongeBob, this guy wants-
SpongeBob: Im orderin' up!
[SpongeBob serves a plate of 20 krabby patties to Squidward]
Squidward: (to himself) atleast there is the crying johnny....
[Squidward gives Frank the crying johnny he wants]
Frank: Thanks! Oh! Heres the tip!
[Frank gives Squidward a 100$ Bill]
Squidward: Really?!
Frank: Yep! Keep the change!
[Frank exits the Krusty Krabs. Mr. Krabs comes out of his office]
Mr. Krabs: CHANGE?!
[Mr. Krabs snatches Squidward's tip 100$ bill]
Squidward: Krabs, what the fuck!?
Mr. Krabs: Don't swear on me, mister Squidward! It's been a long time since we got the FIRST tip!
Squidward: As you say so, Mr. Krabs
[Suddenly, Shawn the Sea Cucumber comes into the Krusty Krabs]
Shawn: Hello, may i have the Krabby Nuggies and Kelp Orange Shake?
Squidward: Fine... *turns to SpongeBob* 16 Krabby Nuggies and a Kelp Orang-
SpongeBob: *gives the 16 Krabby Nuggies and a Kelp Orange Shake, as promised* here!
Squidward: Damn, too fast, welp, anyways *turns to Shawn* here's your order as requested
Shawn: Thanks!
[Shawn, as soon as he leaves, he breathes a cold onecold one - cold air/ cold steam through his nose]
Shawn: Aaaa....aaaa....aaaaa....
Squidward: Is this motherfucker gonna sneez-
Shawn: AAACHO-
[The Krusty Krabs explodes]
Shawn: sorry
Mr Krab: YOU MOTHERFU-
[Viewer Mail]
Pig: Hey, folks! Viewer Mail Time again! Oh, here's one from Rick, age 15. 'Dear Pig, why are you interrupting episodes when you don't starr them?' Well Rick..... that's becuase i can! And there's nothing you can stop it!..... unless you catch a pig by its tail! Haha! Keep those cards and letters coming!
[Viewer Mail]
[The episode cuts to Papa Tarrant watching the beginning of Angels of Passion]
SpongeBob: Im back from work!
Papa Tarrant: Hey SpongeBob! Why are you covered in black?
SpongeBob: Oh no worries! The Krusty Krabs just exploded...
Papa Tarrant: Is that the thing i should not worry?
SpongeBob: We explode for absolutely no reason
[Compilation of random ass characters from SpongeBob exploding]
Papa Tarrant: aight
SpongeBob: Anyways, i wanted to meet a fella of mine
Papa Tarrant: Who is it?
SpongeBob: His name is Shawn the Sea Cucumber and he has a lil' itsy bitsy problem
Papa Tarrant: And what is it?
SpongeBob: His sneezes are explosive! Literally!
Shawn: Yeah, i can't have something cold
SpongeBob: Yea- wait a minute, how did you came here?
Shawn: Formatting error
Papa Tarrant: Makes sense..,
SpongeBob: Anyways... here is something that could help you from sneezing!
[SpongeBob gives Shawn hot cocoa]
Shawn: Thanks
[Shawn sniffs the cocoa and sniffs the cold one]
Shawn: Oh god! I think im gonna....
SpongeBob: Not on my house!
[SpongeBob grabs Shawn and throws him directly to the Chum Bucket]
[In Chum Bucket]
Plankton: Finally! My ultimate project has been finished! The Retardinator! With on press of a button can make a person act like they're from Special Ed.!
Karen: Isn't that hateful and ableist?
Plankton: Shut up, biat-
[Shawn sneezes and the Chum Bucket fucking explodes]
[In SpongeBob's house]
SpongeBob: Phew... that was a close one! Right, Papa Tarrant
Papa Tarrant: Yep!
[Suddenly, Shawn appears]
SpongeBob: Oh for crying out loud!
Shawn: Um... excuse me but the marshmellows you put in the cocoa? Yeah, theyre Booberry's Frosty Marshies, and i sneeze on cold stuff.
SpongeBob: Neptune fucking damn it
Papa Tarrant: Maybe we should try making a cure?
SpongeBob: Good idea! But first, i need to pull out my computer
[SpongeBob pulls out a computer out of his ass]
SpongeBob: Alright, time to open a computer!
[SpongeBob opens the computer, only to be greeted with 69 tabs of pornhub]
Shawn: What the fuck
Medazelli: Ain't no way i just saw that Sponge lackin'. What the fuck? What is he watching?
[SpongeBob closes all of his tabs]
Medazelli: Nahh bro that ain't no SpongeBob yall, thats FreakyBob
Connor: B-but FreakyBob was a month ago
SpongeBob: SHUT THE FUCK UP
[SpongeBob grabs and throws Connor out of the window, making him explode]
SpongeBob: Alright, its time to search for a tutorial.
[SpongeBob searches of Foogle "how to stop a cucumber from sneezing"]
SpongeBob: Alright, so it says here that we need... 50ml of octopus jizz, an ooze of jellyfish, a magma hot stone and a DVD of Hot Fuzz...
Papa Tarrant: Are we sure we can afford Hot Fuzz in Bikini Bottom
SpongeBob: I think so.... Alrigthey, its time to make the cure!
Everyone: Yeah!
[SpongeBob first goes to Squidward's house]
Shawn: I thought he's a squid!?
SpongeBob: That's where you're gone, because he and Squilliam are Octopuses, because of their tentacles
Shawn: Weird but okay
[SpongeBob then delivers a large package of 90s pornography and rings a doorbell. Squidward opens the door and sees the Squidward]
Squidward: Is this for me? Or is it for Squeedwardle Testicles?
SpongeBob: Specifically for you, Squidward
Squidward: Wow, thanks!
SpongeBob: Don't mention it!
[Squidward goes back to his house carrying his large-ass package]
Squeedwardle: Aw man
Squidward: Fuck off retard
[Squidward goes all the way to his room and starts opening the package]
Squidward: Woah whats this! Uh... Girls Gone Wild.... Spanking Love.... uhhh- wait a second... MR KRABS SEX TAPE??? How did this shit came here?
[Squidward throws the sex tape directly into Squeedwardle's face]
Squeedwardle: Ouch
Squidward: I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE, VERMIN!
Squeedwardle: Fine, faggy
[Squidward goes back to opening his package]
Squidward: Flashpoint... Jumper... Moan.... Constance... Oh! Here's my pick! Sandy's Sex Tape. Yes, again, a bottomite sex tape.
[SpongeBob and his gang waiting for Squidward]
SpongeBob: *checks his signature watch* when will this testicle jerk off!
Papa Tarrant: That's the weirdest thing to come out of your mouth, SpongeBob
SpongeBob: I said worse
[Cut to Squidward's house]
Squidward: Alright, time to watch this bad boy, or should i say... bad girl
Audiance: Oh brother this guy STINKS!
[Squidward places the sextape dvd on the dvd player and starts mastrubating to Sandy getting fucked by starfish with blurred face]
Squidward: Im ambasing! (moan) ambasing! (moan) ambasing!! (moan) Auughhh shit aaauughhh! Auuughh shit! (moan)
[Squidward releases cum into the screen, covering the tv with cum. After that, Squidward sleeps, while his dick silently releases cum slowly]
SpongeBob: Okay, Papa Tarrant, give me the VR headest that makes me see everything like a crime scene, so i don't manage to imagine Squidward covering everything with cum
Papa Tarrant: okay
[Papa Tarrant hands SpongeBob his VR headest. SpongeBob puts on his VR headset and sneaks into Squidward's house. He first opens the door quietly. Then, he tip toes around the stairs and sees a door saying "keep out". SpongeBob opens the door and collect all the white substance, as marked as red in his VR headest, and puts the substance in a ziplock bag. After that, SpongeBob exits Squidward's room sneakingly and then leaves his house. SpongeBob takes away his VR headest and hands it to Papa Tarrant]
SpongeBob: Okay fellas, i have garnered the jizz in a ziplock. What's next.. Oh yeah! An ooze of a jellyfish! All i need to do is pay Mr. Krabs and he'll catch a jellyfish and squeeze it!
Papa Tarrant: Can't you fish it by your own?
SpongeBob: Im not good at taming jellyfishes.. hehe...
[The gang goes to 3451 Anchor Way, where Mr Krabs lives. SpongeBob knocks on the door]
Mr. Krabs: Well hello there SpongeBob, what do you want from me me boy!
SpongeBob: I will give you 100$ if you fish out a jelly fish and collect its ooze to the bottle
Mr. Krabs: I'll do anything for money! Argh argh argh argh argh!
[Mr. Krabs grabs a fishing net, goes to jellyfish fields, fishes out a jellyfish, squeezes it and collect its ooze from the jellyfish and go all the way to his house, where the gang is waiting, and then gives SpongeBob the bottle with jellyfish ooze]
SpongeBob: Thanks! Here's the 100$
Mr. Krabs: Youre welcome me boy! Argh argh.. Me money!
[The gang begin to walk off]
SpongeBob: Alright, whats next?
Jerry the Jerk: Hey yall! Want's some good stuff
SpongeBob: Sure, what do you have?
Jerry the Jerk: I have octo cum, jellyfish ooze, magma rock and Hot Fuzz
Papa Tarrant: We could have bought from HIM!
Jerry the Jerk: Sorry guys for making my appearance very late, i was on my mission to cure my sister Candice from Ligma
SpongeBob: Can we buy Hot Fuzz and magma rock for 100$?
Jerry the Jerk: Woah!? Alot?! These both cost 10$
SpongeBob: Thats the only bill i have left
Jerry the Jerk: Eh, no worries, I'd really would like a richy buck
[SpongeBob gives Jerry 100$, while Jerry gives SpongeBob Hot Fuzz and magma rock]
SpongeBob: Thanks
Jerry the Jerk: Youre welcome
[SpongeBob and his gang go back to SpogeBob's house]
SpongeBob: Alright, mixing these ingredients into a pot, mix mix mix, and now, Shawn, give it a tixtix - sip!
Shawn: Okay
[Shawn takes a sip of the medicine. At first, he almost throws up because of the taste and smell, but then drinks the full spoon of medicine and suddenly feels well]
Shawn: Wait a minute, i can't sneeze... I CANT SNEEZE!
[Shawn runs away from SpongeBob's house]
Papa Tarrant: So... what now?
SpongeBob: I will make a genetically modified baby made out of my sperm and squidward's sperm
SplurgeBob: Ain't no fucking way
[Cut to Shawn singing a random ass song]
(Verse 1)
Hey there, friends, I'm Shawn the Sea Cucumber, Used to sneeze so hard, my world would rumble, But now I've found a cure, oh what a wonder, No more explosions, just a gentle tumble.
(Chorus)
I can sniff without sneezing, oh what a feeling, No more kaboom, my life is so appealing, Under the sea, I'm living my best dream, Sniffing all the scents, like a peaceful sea stream.
(Verse 2)
I remember days when I couldn't catch a whiff, A tickle in my nose would make me shift, But now I breathe in deep, without a hitch, No more sneezing fits, I'm feeling rich.
(Chorus)
I can sniff without sneezing, oh what a feeling, No more kaboom, my life is so appealing, Under the sea, I'm living my best dream, Sniffing all the scents, like a peaceful sea stream.
(Bridge)
From the coral reefs to the ocean floor, Every scent is sweeter than before, No more fear of sneezing, I’m secure, I’m the happiest sea cucumber, that's for sure.
(Chorus)
I can sniff without sneezing, oh what a feeling, No more kaboom, my life is so appealing, Under the sea, I'm living my best dream, Sniffing all the scents, like a peaceful sea stream.
(Outro)
So here's to the cure, and the life I adore, Sniffing the ocean breeze, forevermore, I'm Shawn the Sea Cucumber, feeling so pure, Living my life, and that's for sure.
[Everyone claps for Shawn]
Shawn: And now, i would like to thank a friend and made me well again.... and its SpongeBob!
[Everyone cheers to SpongeBob]
Shawn: SpongeBob, again, thanks for the support
SpongeBob: Youre welcome
Shawn: And now... time to pay off for the da- wait... oh no.... aaa.... aaaaa..... aaaaa..... oh fuck! BOTCHED SNEEZE! AAACHO-
[Shawn blows up internally, vanishing him silently]
Fred: Okay, what the fuck just happened
SpongeBob: Could this finale get anymore worse?!
[Then, suddenly, SpongeBob hears screams from Patrick. SpongeBob leaves the Krusty Krabs, only to see Squidward in gimp suit chasing Patrick]
Squidward: OH YOU FUCKING STARFISH FAG! IM GOING TO KILL YOU! IM GOING TO KILL YOU!
Patrick: NO! PLEASE! NO!
[Squidward catches Patrick and starts raping him in the asshole, while Patrick screams in pain]
Squeedwardle: Okay, lets conclude this episode
Papa Tarrant: Atleast we tried making it 21+
[End of episode, roll the credits]
Category:2024
Category:2024 Episodes
Category:2024 Transcripts
Category:Episodes
Category:Episode transcripts
Category:KMJ
Category:KMJ Studios
Category:The Spongebob and Papa Tarrant Show
Category:Smut