Life Expectancy/Transcript

This is the transcript for Life Expectancy, which aired on May 13, 2021.
==Transcript==
Previously on B Positive - I have cancer.
- What? I got Adriana into the clinical trial in Switzerland.
- Really? I mean, that's incredible.
- I know, right? Few years ago, I was making millions.
Now I'm doing cameos and autograph signings.
Maybe I should sell some of my football stuff.
- What? No! - Why not? I can get some nice cash for my jerseys and helmets.
Well, I just found out that I can do the transplant surgery on Tuesday.
Oh, wow.
Really? Yeah, but I'm gonna keep with the original date so I can go to Switzerland with you.
No.
You can't do that.
So much could go wrong before then.
I really want to do this, okay? Let's worry about getting you healthy, and then we'll worry about me.
Oh, you're so selfless.
It's really annoying.
So, I should look for flights? Look for flights.
- - Okay, toss, sell or keep.
- All right.
- This picture of you and Papa John.
Toss.
- You and Tom Brady? - Sell.
You and Gisele? - Keep.
- Right? Thanks for helping.
Hopefully, this stuff is worth some decent cash.
Hey, um, can I keep some of these boxes? I'm gonna need them when I move out of Drew's.
Yeah, sure.
You excited about living with Gabby again? Ugh.
Actually I love Gabby, but I'm not sure the party lifestyle is my thing anymore.
You can only snort coke with a busboy in the IHOP parking lot so many times before it loses its glamour.
Wow.
Your glamour is some people's rock bottom.
So what's your plan? Oh, I don't know, but I have two months to figure it out.
Hey, I have a crazy idea.
You know me so well.
You are looking for a place.
I have a place.
Oh, you mean move in here? Yeah.
Why not? Oh, Eli.
The me a year ago would've immediately said "yes.
" I would've said it to a guy with a braided goatee and two DUIs.
But the me now has to say "no.
" Look, I know it seems fast, but I think it'll be a good thing.
I like us a lot.
I don't want to mess this up by rushing into anything.
Yeah, I get it.
I like us, too.
So we're cool? Ooh! Keep.
What's all this? Oh, well, just a little sampling of all the delicacies that await us in Switzerland.
Swiss cheese, Swiss chocolate, and, um, California wine, but I opened it with a Swiss Army knife.
Ah.
Drew And that's not the best part.
Cannoli? Oh.
Just in case you need to be rescued.
Although, to be honest, he'd be useless in a crisis, but still, pretty cute, right? You are amazing.
I concur.
But I can't stay.
I'm on my way to the airport.
What? But our flight's not till Friday.
I'm going by myself, and I'm leaving tonight.
Hang on.
What are you talking about? I thought about it a lot, and I can't let you delay your transplant for me.
Yeah, but I said I'm willing to take that risk And you always say to tell you what I want.
This is what I want.
- Adriana, I - By the time I come home, we'll both be healthy.
We'll get back together, realize impending death was all we had in common, and then I'll dump your sorry, healthy ass.
Well, as long as I have something to look forward to.
I got to go.
Oh.
Okay.
Wow.
Uh, well, I I guess this is goodbye.
Not goodbye.
Just see you soon.
- Yeah.
Soon.
- Hey.
Don't be sad.
Good things are happening for both of us.
You're right.
I'll call you when I land? Hello.
Well, I'm sorry.
Okay, you are good in a crisis.
Thank you.
- Oh, no.
- Everything all right? This expert on intermittent fasting was supposed to do my podcast, but she got lightheaded, fell off her Peloton and broke her nose.
- Oh, my God, that's awful.
- I know.
I wish it happened during my podcast.
That definitely would've gone viral.
If you need a guest for your podcast, I've got a great convention speech on gingivitis.
I'll save you two-and-a-half hours.
Floss.
- This is great.
- What? This.
All this.
I'm gonna miss you guys.
You've all become very good friends.
Aw, Drew.
We feel the same way.
You've been here a week.
I'm an empath.
I take on the feelings of those around me.
Anxiety.
Confidence.
Calmness.
Shame, rage, sadness.
Damn, you get me.
We'll miss you, too, Drew.
And I have a tradition.
On my patients' last session, I get them a gift.
You didn't get me anything when I was going in for my transplant.
There's that rage.
Oh, I love this.
And everyone wrote a little note.
"To my biggest fan, all the best, Eli Russell, number 84.
" Sorry.
Reflex.
Sign my checks the same way.
Thanks, guys.
This means a lot.
So, what are you getting Gina for her kidney-donor gift? That's a thing? Yeah, something to thank her for the sacrifice she's making.
Maybe a couple of tickets to the Knicks game so she could take her boyfriend, whoever that might be.
You're telling me this now? I'm terrible at gift giving.
I'm the guy at 7-Eleven on Christmas morning.
Last year, my mom got beef jerky and scratchers.
You got 24 hours.
And as you consider how much to spend, remember, it's not too late for her to keep her kidney.
Hey! Happy last day of having sad toxin blood.
Try finding that card at Hallmark.
Hey, babe.
Gina, so nice you came for my last session.
I wouldn't miss it.
All right, everybody.
Drumroll, please.
Congratulations, Drew Dunbar.
You are officially done with dialysis.
Yeah! - Oh.
- You're the best.
- Thanks for everything.
- Of course.
- Don't be a stranger.
- Congratulations.
- Love you, man.
- Get in here, you guys.
Come on.
You too, Gina! Really? So sweet.
All right, take as much time as you want.
Thank you.
Um it's pretty small.
I'd have to get rid of some things.
Like my furniture.
I know it's not perfect, but Gideon loves a fixer-upper.
Unless it's a man.
I've spent way too many years being an emotional Home Depot.
Mm-mm.
You're right.
I can find a way to make this work.
I can I can put a mirror here and here and here.
You know, funhouse chic.
- And there's a lot of storage.
- Yeah.
I can put all my Great.
Just great.
Don't worry.
You can fix it.
Can I? 'Cause, uh, I don't think I can.
- Are you okay? - Yeah.
Everything's fine.
Couldn't be better.
Except I I have no idea what the hell - I'm doing! Oh, my God.
- All right, all right.
Slow down.
What's going on? I don't know who I am.
I know who I was when I was with Drew, but after tomorrow, I'm not gonna be Gina the kidney donor anymore.
And I don't want to go back to being Gina the party girl.
And I don't want to be Gina the van driver anymore.
I just want to be Gina the What's the That's the thing.
I don't know what the is! I don't know who I'm supposed to be.
And I don't know what I'm supposed to do.
It's sticky.
Take a deep breath.
- Oh, and wipe your snot on my sleeve.
- Oh, my God.
- Change is hard.
- Yeah.
But look at it as a chance to start fresh.
Right? Hey, the Chinese character for "crisis" is the same as "opportunity.
" And it's only slightly different from "little potato," which is apparently what I got tattooed on my shoulder.
Everybody but me has their whole life figured out.
Everybody has careers and-and families, and here I am, in a crappy apartment with a sticky ass.
So, what do you think? I'll take it.
- Julia.
Hey.
- Hey.
Wait.
Was I supposed to pick up Maddie? Or drop her off? - Hang on, is Maddie here? - No.
I just stopped by to wish you luck and give you this.
It's just a little something.
You know, nothing big.
Well, last present you gave me was divorce papers, so the bar is low.
Oh, socks.
And they're brown.
You know me so well.
It's for when you're in the hospital.
I know that your feet get cold when you're nervous, and I don't want them to mistake you for a dead body.
I appreciate the thought.
Hey, and, um, thank Gina for me.
If she hadn't have stepped up and donated, who knows where you'd be? Trust me, I think about that every day.
There's, like, so many people out there like you.
Honestly, it kind of got me thinking.
Maybe I should do this for someone.
Give someone a kidney? Yeah, that'd be amazing.
I can think of three peop two pe three people.
I mean, I could save somebody's life.
Plus, it would look great on my Tinder profile.
- Ah.
It's Maddie.
- Yeah.
- She's really worried about you.
- Yeah, she keeps sending me the prayer hands emoji.
And I send her back skulls and ghosts, and then she sends the middle finger, and I tell her she's grounded for the rest of my life, and she says, "That could only be two days.
" It's the best conversation we've had in months.
Middle finger emojis.
Cute.
Real middle finger when I pick her up early from a party, not as much.
Hey, um, I want to get Gina a gift to say "thank you," but nothing feels right.
You got any ideas? I don't know, but whatever it is, just make sure it is from your heart.
Hmm.
I was thinking about diamond earrings.
Oh, yeah, diamond earrings are good.
Screw your heart.
Hey.
Hey.
What are you doing up? I couldn't sleep.
Yeah, me, either.
I had the weirdest dream.
The doctor took out my kidney and then another one and another one.
My body was like a little kidney clown car.
Well, I had a dream that kids were playing Operation on my body.
Every time they hit the sides, my nose lit up.
You know, I almost didn't go to that wedding.
What? The wedding where we reconnected.
Totally.
Who has a cash bar at a wedding? That's why I walked off with their Instant Pot.
I was going through a divorce.
I didn't have anyone to go with.
I knew they would stick me at the loser table.
Yeah, your table was woof.
Trust me, I remember.
You and the other bridesmaids walked by and said, "That table is woof.
" If I hadn't have gone, my life would be completely different.
I know.
You wouldn't have gotten my kidney.
Not just that.
I wouldn't have gotten you.
Moving in here, driving me crazy.
Which I have thoroughly enjoyed.
Yeah, I liked it, too.
You completely changed my life.
What? - No, I didn't.
- Are you kidding? I had a meltdown today with Gideon.
About what? To be specific, um everything.
I don't know what's next for me, and I feel like one of those balloons that breaks away, and you see it flying by aimlessly.
Then it pops and lands somewhere and ends up choking some duck.
I've got something for you.
I was going to give it to you tomorrow, but now feels like a pretty good time.
You didn't have to get me anything.
Oh, no, many people told me I did.
Aw.
It's a donor key chain.
And it says, "I shared my spare.
" Yeah, mine says, "I run on spare parts.
" That's so cute.
Thank you.
Well, actually, the real gift is the key.
To the house.
I want you to know that you can stay here as long as you want.
Or not.
Uh, I admit, it's more of a gift for me than it is for you.
Truth is I don't want you to leave.
You've completely changed my life, too, Gina.
And I can't imagine what this house will be like without you.
I can't imagine what I will be like without you.
Damn it, I should've gotten the diamond earrings.
Julia was right a Hey.
It's perfect.
I'd love to stay.
- Really? - Yeah.
Being here with you makes me feel safe, and, um Because of you, I feel like my life means something.
- Thank you.
- No, thank you.
Wait, did you say "diamond earrings"? Yeah, but you already accepted the key.
No backsies.
Okay, you all set? Yep.
All right, Cannoli.
Aunt Julia's gonna take care of you for a few days.
And remember, don't be weirded out when you smell Mommy's kidney inside Daddy.
I almost want to postpone the surgery to unpack how weird that was.
All right, are we taking your car or mine? I don't know.
Why don't we go for a walk? Get out of town! You deserve to be cut open in style.
Does it have a bar? You can't be sober for 30 more minutes? Oh, my God.
Paul? Your dad hired me to capture the moment.
We are the same age! A videographer.
A limo.
It's like our kidneys are going to prom.
And I won't have to take my cousin this time.
Oh, allow me.
Hi.
Okay, bye.
Paul.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
Look at the light.
Yeah! Oh.
I don't Bug! Bug in my mouth! We're not supposed to eat before surgery.
Surprise! Good luck, you guys.
We love you.
And remember, you always want the drugs.
Always.
I'm so glad you're in my life.
I know this isn't goodbye, but Oh, God.
Damn it, Jerry! Remember, it doesn't matter if you win or lose.
It's how you play the game.
Well, obviously, this matters if you win or lose, "winning" being living and "losing" being dy Yo, can we take this over? Hi! Gina, I know I was really against this at first, but I am so excited for your surgery.
Surgery? Is somebody getting bigger cans? Good luck, guys.
I-I know it's gonna go great, but just in case, could you Venmo me, like, like, right now? Buongiorno.
I'm sending you both so much love and all best wishes for a very successful surgery and a very speedy recovery.
I'm having the most wonderful time with my daughter here in Italy.
Don't roll your eyes, Amy.
This may be the last thing they hear.
Love you, Dad.
The surgery's gonna go great.
Drew, we are so excited for you, and Gina, we can't thank you enough.
I hope Drew got you those diamond earrings.
Oh, Dad, one last thing.
No.
Love you.
What's all this? No, no, you got to get out of here.
You can't be here.
Let's go.
Come on, come on.
All right, everybody out.
All right.
You're not from the insurance company, are you? Oh, no, no.
No.
- All right.
They're ready for you.
- Okay.
I guess this is it.
Fly like the wind, little dove.
- See you on the other side.
- You know it.
Wait.
- Gina? - Yeah? I love you.
I love you, too.
Okay, are you ready? Honestly, I don't know.
You know it.
Let's get this party started.
All right, I need you to count backwards from ten.
Ten.
Nine.
Eight.
Seven.
Six.
Category:Episode Transcripts
Category:Season 1 Transcripts