A Dog Named Kipper

=== WARNING, THIS STORY CONTAINS DISCUSSION OF DEPRESSION AND SELF HARM. READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED. ===
Notice: This is a repost from a blog written by now 18 year old Trent White. This has been reposted with his permission. Please respect the wishes of Trent, and do not seek him out and ask him for the video described.
I need to get this off my chest, and quick. So let me cut to the chase.
I was going through depression a year or two ago. I'd often make private videos venting my feelings, just showing a representation of myself going through whatever scenario my mind could come up with. They were chicken scratch, to put it lightly. I just wanted to get them done, and it wasn't like anybody would see them anyway. The only place you could find them was a folder in my Downloads. Most often it'd have sentences like " I want to be little again " and " I'm scared of what will happen ".
It all came to a point when one night, I finally attempted to take my own life. All I remembered was walking into the kitchen, before coming to in a hospital bed. 
Before anyone asks, I am doing better now. I've recovered and I have friends who look out for me. But I don't like remembering that part of my life. But I need to discuss it if I wanna tell my story.
My computer needed some more disk space, so I was storing some of the files into a Google Drive before I deleted them. I reached the folder which contained all of my old vent art.
Needless to say, it brought back some awful memories. I put them into the drive, and I remembered every single one of them until I saw one that caught my attention.
Most of the files had actual titles, albeit ones that were me just spilling my thoughts onto the filename. But there was one file simply labeled "Kipper.wmv"
It took me a second, but from the filename, something came rushing back to me. I remembered that name.
I used to watch this show when I was like 2 years old. Kipper.
Forgive me if I get something wrong. I haven't seen this show in a literal decade, so my memory is a bit fuzzy.
But from what I can remember, it was just a slice of life show following the titular dog, Kipper. There were some other characters, but I don't remember much about them.
I vaguely remember this one episode with an imagination segment that involved Kipper going into a jungle with dinosaurs in it. Though, given my memory, it could have just been regular animals for all I knew. The only episode I actually remember with some clarity was one with a species of aliens called Bleepers, and Kipper tried to teach them how to speak English. 
I've been meaning to watch it again, but I couldn't really bring myself to do it. For one, I have a fragile teenage ego that just won't let me watch kids' shows unless I find them actually entertaining. And for two, I've just kinda been afraid what other people would think. Sorry for the exposition, I just don't think this show's as popular as something like, say, Arthur or Bluey. 
Anyway, I was curious. I double clicked the file, and it started up.
The screen was black, but only for a few seconds. And then the theme song started. It was cute. It just showed Kipper waking up and dancing to the theme music with some objects that seemed to have a mind with their own, before outstretching his arms, like he was finishing a play, and the screen faded to black.
But then the episode itself began. It started with Kipper sitting down in the white void that he and the other characters typically resided in, with some grass surrounding the space around him, all accompanied by a soothing music box soundtrack. Something to note is that the art style is much more composed compared to most of the stuff I would draw when I was venting. It was more like a rough digital animatic, drawn with some kind of rough pencil brush. The only other object in frame with Kipper was his slipper, which he turned to with a warm smile. And when the beagle started speaking, I recognized the voice as my own. I was putting on a British accent, or at least my best attempt at one.
"Isn't it nice out here, Slipper? We have the whole field all to ourselves!"
He then turned back to stare off into the space in front of him. But then from behind him came a voice.
" Hey, Kipper! "
It was Tiger, a Scottish Terrier who was one of Kipper's friends. To save you the trouble, just know every single character had the same accent as Kipper.
Kipper flinched from the sudden presence of his fellow dog, and turned to face him. Uncharacteristically irritated I might add.
" What is it, Tiger? I just wanna be left alone... "
" Well, first of all, you don't need to be so hostile. Second of all, I came by to tell you that I'm gonna try and conquer my fear of water! "
Kipper quirked an eyebrow, as he stood up to meet Tiger's eyes.
" Since when did you care about improving yourself? I thought you just accepted the fact you were a hopeless brat forever."
" Jeez, what's gotten into you? "
" I told you I wanted to be left alone. Now go away. "
" I'm sorry.. I just wanted to- "
" LEAVE ME ALONE! "
And with that, Tiger's ears lowered as he slowly walked away with his back slumped.
Kipper's eyes widened, as he realized what he had just did.
"Wait.. what.. what did I just do? He wasn't even being mean! "
He took a moment, before calming himself down by taking a deep breath.
" It's alright.. next time you see him, just apologize! " He told himself.
The scene then crossfaded into Kipper, once again carefree and sitting down in the field, although I noticed the grass turned a more yellowish color, and it started to wilt slightly downwards. The music was now a quiet, sorrowful piano tune.
Tiger slowly walked back into frame, but Kipper hadn't noticed him yet. To get his attention, he cleared his throat and softly addressed him by name.
"Um... Kipper?"
And Kipper responded by screaming. He shouted as loud and drawn out as he could, causing me to actually jump in my seat.
My delivery on that scream sounded like I was actually in distress. I was wondering if that was even supposed to be part of the video or if I just had some kind of episode during recording.
Tiger then ran away, as Kipper once again looked guilty, this time more panic in his voice.
" No, no, NO! I did it again! Why do I always have to fail people?! Why am I like this?! Why am I a burden to the people I should be looking after?!"
The scene crossfaded to the field once again, but with 2 major differences. The first was that the field was much more dark and felt more sinister. The white void was now a deep bluish black, with stars lighting up the sky. The grass also had turned totally brown and decayed. The second was that Kipper was now sobbing, cupping his eyes into his palms.
Like the sudden screaming from the previous encounter with Tiger, this sounded genuine. As though I had recorded myself crying due to unrelated reasons and inserted it into the animatic.
It then cut to a closeup of Kipper crying, and a pitch black silhouette standing behind him. The dark figure reached out, revealing it's white hands, and tapped the sobbing canine on the shoulder.
" WHAT DO YOU WANT?! "
Kipper shouted again in anger, before his expression shifted to one of fear and confusion. Behind him was another, more surreal version of himself.
Standing in a pitch black void, the figure resembled Kipper, but with very obvious differences. It had no face, it's fur was purely in grayscale, and the screen started rippling whenever it was on-screen. It cut back to Kipper, and he spoke again.
"Is this all I am? Is this all I'm ever going to be? Just a pathetic little kid trapped in a body that doesn't belong to him? That belongs to someone who never was? "
The grayscale version of him was creeping just behind him, as he kept speaking.
" What am I even doing?! Everything makes me upset or angry, even when there's no proper reason! I STARTED CRYING OVER A 20 SECOND JOKE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! "
Listening to all of this made me hurt. I almost wanted to stop watching, but my curiosity practically had me at gunpoint, so I pressed on.
" WHY THE HELL CAN'T I DO SOMETHING GOOD? SOMETHING THAT COULD BENEFIT PEOPLE?! YOU'RE ALMOST 15 NOW, TRENT! YOU CARE ABOUT EVERYONE, I KNOW, BUT YOU NEED TO FUCKING DO BETTER! "
Kipper collapsed to the floor, now a trembling teary-eyed mess.
" Do better... if only I knew how... but nobody wants to help me... I can't trust myself, I'm too stupid, and when I'm 18, I won't even be able to act on basic grown-up necessities... "
The sobbing came to a halt, as he lied on the ground nigh-motionless.
" I just want a way out... "
As he raised his head back into view, his eyes widened as something caught his attention. It was a pile of green bottles, like the kind that would contain beer or any other kind of alcohol.
When it cut back to Kipper, there were randomly flickering frames showing nothing but black. But in the very last frame during that flurry, in Kipper's place, was a representation of me, with a crazed smile on my face.
The video ended with a black screen, with the only thing being white text reading simply:
"I'm tired."
After I finished the video, I felt nothing short of horrified and and upset. It gave me genuine dread to revisit a part of my life I tried so hard to move past, and with this video, I remembered what happened that night. I'm not going to spell it out for you, I'm sure you can figure it out by yourself. Do not ask me for the full video, what I have attached to this blog is all you will get. In the unlikely scenario I make the video public, I beg of you not to constantly badger me and remind me about it. Thank you.
Category:Blog posts
Category:Depression
Category:Mental Illness
Category:Good Ending
Category:Lost Media
Category:Feelspasta
Category:Sad