The Ballad of Ahnuld Schwahzeniggah

I had originally created this pasta on Uncyclopedia, but this is just a more improved and much more funnier version.
Here is the mirror page on Uncyclopedia: http://mirror.uncyc.org/wiki/Ahnuld_Schwazeniggah
== Brief Bio ==
Ahnuld Schwahzeniggah is the twin brother of Arnold Schwarzenegger. It was said by Arnold that Ahnuld has "Nyahtidus", where the diagnosed person only has the word "Nyah" in his/her current vocabulary. He also served as the 0th presidink of Dah United Snakes of Americunt before Namco had his soiled ass thrown out in 2004 so they could make another shitty Tekken game. He is also known for his work as an Actornator, having appeared in several movies such as "Dah Tuhminatah", "Nightmare on Sesame Street", and "Retard Rehab". He is currently dating your mom, He sucks at Engrish, and he's also really retarded and doesn't have a brain.
== Early life ==
Ahnuld was born in Australia by Jackie Chan and Chewbacca. When he was only a year old, he was dumped in a trashcan by his parents because he was ugly and got dropped on his head at birth. An Asian family found him a day later and illegally adopted him. He had to go to various Asian school's because of "Family Tradition" and blah blah blah & bhudda & ching chong & so fourth... He ran away from the creepy Asian famiry when he was 10 and lived in a trashed up trailer with some Austrian dudes named Gary Coleman and Jar Jar Binks. He attended "The Ranch" (The most shittiest college ever) for 5 years and was dropped out for no reason at all.
== Run for Presidink ==
He ran for Presidink of Dah United Snakes of Americunt in 2001 against Jorje Busch, a retarded french communist. Ahnuld won the election and beat Busch by 2 voters. A day later, he prepared to launch Nuclear Missiles at North Korea and blew it to smithereens in 2002. It was then that Dah United Snakes of Americunt became the richest country in the world... i mean the universe... yeah, that's it. \:| He was thrown out of the office in 2004 after being sued by Namco all because he made out with one of the showgirls at a random gaming convention. Borak Obamuh would later take his role as presidink.
== Love Life ==
Ahnuld met your mom at the most shittiest college ever before graduation. His thoughts about her seemed pretty positive as he reviewed her as "The most ugly, stupid, rude, nasty bitch i ever met". Ahnuld has tried to get rid of her 100000 times but all of those attempts failed as she kept on smiting pour Ahnuld to the ground. However, after Ahnuld was thrown out of the presidink-chual office, the bitch jumped off the building and committed suicide. Ahnuld was informed about his wifes death 2 days later. He was Very upset (Sarcasm) to know that his wife killed herself all because her Husband was no longer presidink.
== Death ==
Ahnuld passed away at age 16 because he wasn't allowed to be on this world anymore. It may sound stupid & shitty but I'm 5 and I like to spam the Funnypasta wiki with craploads of unfunny & unoriginal material because I get off on... *Door opens*
Dad: Toby, It's time to go to bed.
Me: But Dad... 5 more minutes please.
Dad: No means no. Now get in bed and stop sniveling or I'm getting the belt that I beat your mother with whenever she makes me a crappy sandwich.
Me: NO DAD!!! PLEASE!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111!1111!1!!!!!!!!!!! *Whipping sounds are heard"
Dad while beating Toby: YOU LITTLE FUCKFACE!!! I SHOULD HAVE WORE A CONDOM!!!
Me: MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The end
Category:Original Content