Transcripts 2004-08

Transcripts from August 2004 strips.
==August 2==
The Church of Poisoned Minds
Panel 1Black-and-white monochrome comic. Al is sitting in front of a television set and looking in the direction of the camera. A cable box with assorted plugs is on top of the telly.Caption (Al): In an attempt to better understand American politics I stayed up last Thursday to watch the John Kerry's speech at the Democrat convention.Al (thinking): My life sucks!Caption (Al): Ah, the wonders of digital TV and insomnia!Panel 2Photo of John Kerry receiving military decoration for service in the U.S. Navy.Caption (Al): As expected, they where nothing like the party conventions in the UK. Those deal with relevant, but really, really boring topics by and large.Kerry (thinking): I vill now dominate the sport of formula 1!Caption (Al): Unsurprisingly all the introductions were an ad to sell Kerry off as a hero in a war nobody should be proud of anyway.Panel 3Side view of Al holding his stomach and covering his mouth to keep from vomiting. His cheeks have a green tint, and he is making an "URP!" sound.Caption (Al): The amount of patriotic and sentimental garbage was far too much one self-loathing Englishman's stomach to take!Kerry (off-panel): ...and I'm reporting for duty!Al (aside): I shudder to think what a republican con would be like!
==August 6==
Panel 1Tessa is sitting on Sticks's lap at the meeting room table. She has a dismissive expression and is gesturing with her free hand. Sticks is holding Tessa's waist and has a blank look on his face.Tessa: So what you're saying is Gates' is going to get off scot-free and this meeting was a big waste of time... again!?Panel 2Adams leans back in his chair with his arms behind his head. Adams's dialogue balloon continues into panels 3 and 4.You're missing the whole point Tessa! The fact that all he's going to get is a slap on the wrist isn't the problem!Panel 3Television broadcast (with visible scanlines) interview with Norman, who is speaking into a microphone and giving the camera a side-eye as though baffled as to why they want to interview him.Adams (off-panel): What IS the point is that the media is portraying Gates' as some picked on hero. Lets face facts, people like people who fuck up gun toting crack heads and there was even a blurb on the national news!Panel 4Close-up of a gloved hand, its owner whistling "♪" and carrying a briefcase with an "I ♥ GOLF" sticker on it.Adams (off-panel): Now you must admit that the public seeing Gates' as a good guy is a BAD thing! Someone even offered to pay his legal fees for him! I doubt gates' will take it though...
==August 9==
Panel 1Norman is glaring at the camera in confusion, pointing off to the left.Norman: Wait... So I'm free to go?Panel 2Norman is standing at the Sussex Police Office where Constable Simons is slouched over the front desk. Both have flat expressions. An analogue clock on the wall indicates the time is about 3:28 pm. There is a "WANTED" poster of Damian taped to the lower part of the desk.Simons: Uhg! For da last time, you's on bail! Ya can go now but ya 'ave ta come back! Is just someone paid to say yous won't ranna way!Norman: So who paid then?Panel 3Close-up of Gary Heart, giving a sleazy grin complete with sparkle on his teeth.Gary: That would be me! Gary Heart of "Heart & Son's Solicitors" at your service!Gary: Let's talk, and leave the officer to his *busy* schedule of drinking tea and scratching himself!
==August 13==
Panel 1Norman is pointing a finger at Gary in anger. Gary grins back at Norman while holding a gloved fist up to his chest. A "WANTED" poster with an unknown cameo character is on the back wall.Norman: Look MATE, I dunno who the hell sent you but  I don't give the fucking time of day to lawyers, let alone talk to them! Bugger off!Panel 2Gary smiles and holds up a playing card with a heart and "H & S" visible in the upper-right corner.Gary: My client sad you'd be reluctant to except my help, so I've written my credentials on my business card here. Shall we make an appointment for later?Panel 3Norman takes the card and glares down at it.Norman: Listen pencil dick, I don't give a flying fuck how many cocks you sucked I... I...Panel 4Norman is cross-eyed in astonishment, both ears flat against his head.Norman (thinking): I really have to learn when to shut the fuck up!
==August 16==
Panel 1Norman holds the card in his hand as he looks over his shoulder at Gary. Gary similarly looks over his shoulder at Norman while straightening his necktie, grinning with glee.Norman: If you are who I think you are, then I'm sorry for all the names I called ya.Gary: That's not a problem Mr Gates. I've been called worse!Panel 2Norman crosses his arms and glares at Gary.Norman: But if you AIN'T who I think you are, you better know how to run!Gary: I'll buy some running shoes just in case you're mistaken! Good day Mr Gates.
==August 20==
The Church of Poisoned Minds
Panel 1Black-and-white monochrome comic. Al is standing and facing the camera with no particular expression.Caption (Al): I learned quite a few things yesterday! Firstly I found that having a wisdom tooth pulled doesn't hurt nowhere near as much as I though it would.Panel 2Same as panel 1, but Al is asleep, as evidenced by the "Z" balloon by his head.Caption (Al): I also found that I was hooked really badly to caffeine when I was starved of hot and cold drinks!Panel 3Same as panel 2, but with added blood dribbling from the side of his mouth and onto his shirt.Caption (Al): That and I drool a lot when I sleep!
==August 23==
Panel 1Tessa and Sticks are holding hands and walking down a hallway. Tessa has a hand over her eyes and is leaning her head back in exasperation. Sticks has a scowl on his face as he looks at Tessa.Tessa: God I'm glad that's over! That meeting lasted forever!Sticks: And who's fault is that?Panel 2Close-up of Tessa and Sticks giving each other accusatory looks.Tessa: What's that supposed to mean?Sticks: Well if you didn't constatntly bait the Doc all the time, those meetings would be over a lot quicker! Oh and I REALLY appreciate it when you use me to gross him out! You know I hate that!Panel 3View of Sticks and Tessa from behind, walking toward a T junction in the hall. A door is on the left wall.Tessa: Okay, I'm sorry that I told him you Jilled me off!Sticks: I wouldn't mind so much if you actually let me do it!Tessa: Oh shush!
==August 27==
Panel 1Richard is sitting on the couch and playing a console game, likely on PlayStation. A jarring "♪" is coming from the left. Richard looks to the right and shouts.Richard: HAY NORMAN! YOUR MOBILE IS RINGING!Norman: Thanks! Coming!Panel 2Norman stops by the couch and looks at Richard in surprise. A jarring "♫" comes from the left.Norman: Wait, how did you know it's my phone? I haven't shown it to anyone yet!Panel 3Richard looks into the camera, smug. Norman walks off-panel to the left.Richard: Elementary my dear Watson! I just guessed who in this house would be immature enough to have "Uncle Fucker" as a ring tone!Norman: Ah blow it out your ass Sherlock!
==August 30==
Panel 1Norman holds his mobile up to his ear, facing away from the camera. Three small vases and a blank sheet of paper are on the table next to him. Only the middle vase has anything in it, a single rose bud."Chris": Are you alone?Norman: Yeah. Hello Chris! I was wondering when you would ring. I take it my meeting with Gary Heart was your doing?Chris: Yes, indeed it was. I read about the... mishap you had and sent Mr Heart over to post bail for you.Panel 2Focus on Norman's face, revealed to be angry.Norman: Is he who I think he is?Chris: Oh yes, I very much believe so! That's how I... persuaded him into joining our cause.Norman: You mean you blackmailed him.Panel 3Close-up of Christopher Reed's urn, atop the Oracle's server.Chris: Yes. I believe Mr Heart will prove very useful. How well do you play golf?Norman: I dunno! Never tried! Golf is a stupid sport!Chris: Hmm. Maybe scheduling your next meeting with Mr heart on a golf course may have been a poor decision on my part. I though you liked hitting things with clubs!
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