Tone

it is ‘THE WAY YOU’RE TALKING’ and the tone of your voice that really gets under people’s skin.   You might think your partner was talking to a child, or an employee from his or her tone of voice.  Or, you are completely unaware of how your voice and your face can intimidate your partner.
If you find yourself being told periodically by others that they are offended by your tone of voice, you will benefit by taking this seriously.  You may simply make an effort and by dint of will you might successfully eliminate most of those instances of being disrespectful.  The people that I see in my office for anger management have not been able to change their verbal and non-verbal controlling behaviors.  They are unaware of the part their tone of voice plays in the dance of conflict.  Most of them come in to therapy for a relationship issue, and it evolves into an exploration of the individual client’s inability to be aware of their own behaviors, and how that affects the relationship. 
A tone of voice can convey disgust, disrespect, contempt, rejection, dismissal or indifference.  These disconnecting moments have a lot to do with why there is a lack of intimacy, sex and fun in a relationship!
Some people cannot tolerate listening and responding to comments about their tone of voice… at all.  They become argumentative and oppositional.  It is common for men in our group to take 3-6 months before beginning to see their part in the conflicts they have with others.  Usually, because it feels black and white to them.  It seems that if they accept any responsibility, then they are accepting all the responsibility for the problems.  So they continue to blame their partner.  It takes a while for these men to learn to partialize.realhope.com---
Speaking; Oral