Manners

Date/Timing: 2 April 2010
Setting: Edan's room; Mile End, London, England, United Kingdom
.
Edan flops down on his bed next to Hermann, tucks up against his side.
Hermann sighs contently over his laptop.
"Is that baby Paige?"
"Yes, though I wish you'd stop calling her that."
Edan rolls his eyes. "No poetry in your soul."
Hermann scoffs, keys more code.
"How's she doing? Growing like a weed?"
Hermann snorts. "Let's see what you think." Launches the program.
PAIGE: Hello! How may I help you, sir?
hermann_g: Hello, Paige.
hermann_g: Please tell me whose birthday is nearest in the future.
PAIGE: Edan Reid's birthday is 3 May, 31 days from today.
hermann_g: Thank you, Paige.
PAIGE: You're welcome, sir.
"Hey! She's one up on Data!"
Hermann twists around, eyebrow quirked.
"The android on /Star Trek?"
"Oh. Him." Frowns. "What does he have to do with PAIGE?"
"She uses contractions; he can't." Edan beams.
"She uses that contraction because I explicitly programmed her to do so."
"My point stands." He crosses his arms.
Hermann rolls his eyes. 
PAIGE: What shall I do next, sir?
hermann_g: Please suggest a birthday gift Edan might enjoy.
PAIGE: Extrapolating from the content of Mr Reid's latest texts and emails to you, he
"Oo! She knows how to connect bits of names /and pronouns."
"That took most of the last fortnight."
"Totally brilliant, though."
Hermann grunts.
"Hold on a minute. She reads my emails and texts?"
"As I'm continually reminding you, 'she's /software and isn't going to sell anything to the /Daily Mail." Cocks an eyebrow. "Or criticize how atrocious your grammar gets when you're excited."
"Well, excuuuuuuse me for having enthusiasm for my favourite topics."
PAIGE: Extrapolating from the content of Mr Reid's latest texts and emails to you, he may enjoy a copy of /Underwater Moonlight to replace the one which has gone missing from his rooms.
PAIGE: The best price advertised online comes from Amazon.co.uk.
PAIGE: Shall I place an order for you, sir?
"Initiative?"
"Predictive algorithm. 'Gift' leads to 'price search' leads to 'purchase'."
"She figure that out on her own?"
"I did quite a bit of metaphorical hand-holding."
"Still awesome." Pecks Hermann's cheek. "A very good gift choice, too. You've taught her well."
Hermann smiles.
hermann_g: Please do, Paige.
PAIGE: Order placed.
PAIGE: You should receive
Across the room, Hermann's mobile /pings.
PAIGE: You should receive a confirmation in your email shortly, sir.
hermann_g: Thank you, Paige.
PAIGE: What shall I do next, sir?
hermann_g: Nothing further, Paige.
hermann_g: Please shut yourself down.
PAIGE: Goodnight, sir.
PAIGE: Shutting down.
The window winks closed.
Hermann blinks a few times, swallows hard.
"You look like you've seen a ghost, mate. What's going on?"
"I didn't ... I didn't program her to say 'goodbye' /or to recognize proper sign-offs by time of day."
"So ... she taught herself that?"
"I can't think of another explanation."
"That's. So. /Cool."
"I don't ...."
"You did it!" Throws his arms around Hermann's middle, squeezes. "You did it!"
Hermann ....
"In under /three fucking /months you wrote a program that can teach itself manners—"
"Which you haven't learned in almost twenty-four years—"
"—stuff it, I'm waxing rhapsodic—"
"For someone raised by wolves, maybe."
"—here." Edan clears his throat. "/And it can extrapolate /perfect birthday gifts." Flutter-kicks the mattress. "My boyfriend /is the smartest boyfriend!"
Hermann hugs Edan's head, wraps a wing around his back, and giggles like a child.
Category:Ficlet
Category:London (setting)
Category:Hermann
Category:Hermann's POV
Category:Hermann has wings
Category:Hermann is a programmer
Category:Edan
Category:Edan (ficlet)
Category:PAIGE
Category:PAIGE (ficlet)
Category:Star Trek (reference)
Category:Ficlets with images