Persona 4 Abridged Episode 3 Script

The following is the script for the third episode of Persona 4 Abridged, unedited from its original form. Some content may have been changed.
== Script ==
Igor: Snooooore
Margaret: (whispering angrily) Shhhhhh. He’s sleeping. Please. For the love of God. Don’t. Say. Anything.
Igor: Snore noise
EVERY DAY’S GREAT AT YOUR JUNES
(sad music disappears when Chie appears)
Chie: IS THAT A POKEMON?
Yukiko: No, it’s a—
Chie: MY FAVORITE POKEMON’S CHARMANDER! WHAT’S YOURS?
Yukiko: My mom won’t let me play video games. I have to work all day.
Chie: OH. CAN I HAVE YOUR DOG?
Yukiko: …
Chie: I’M CHIE. LET’S BE FRIENDS.
Narrator: LATER THAT DAY
Chie: Guys! Yukiko’s missing!
Yosuke: Lost her again?
Yu: Have you considered getting a leash?
Yosuke: Tried calling her yet?
Chie: Duh. Do you think I’m stupid?
(short pause. Then she picks up her phone and dials Yukiko)
Chie: Hello, is Yukiko there?
Pizza man: NAH MAN ITS DOMINOS!
Chie: Oh, well while we’re here. Yeah? Yeah. Everything please. Okay. You too. Buh bye.
Yosuke: So is she safe?
Chie: Eh, she wasn’t home.
Yosuke: Can I ask you a favor?
CHIE KICKS HIM
Yosuke: Whyyyyyyyyyyyy?
Kou: W’sup, Brosuke? You know what you need?
Yosuke: aaa………
Kou: That’s right, bruh! To join the B-ball club!
Yosuke: I dunno if that’s for me, dude.
Kou: A’ight, I’m puttin’ you down as a maybe!
AT JUNES
Yosuke: Well she’s not here.
Yu: Guys, the TV bit me again.
Yosuke: Bad TV! BAD!
Teddie: Sorry.
Clerk: Can I… help you?
Yosuke: You need to teach your TVs some manners!
Clerk: Yeah, I’ll get on that. (to himself) what the fuck?
(pause)
Chie: GASP! What if the TV ate Yukiko?!
Yosuke: You could be onto something! We should check our TV’s tonight!
(Yu’s watching Tom and Jerry)
Yukiko: Welcome to the [short pause] Midnight Channel.(S’gotta sound inviting and positive)
Shadow 1: Who let her on stage?
Shadow 2: I don’t know. She just sort of walked in.
Shadow 1: Eh, roll with it. I like where this is going.
Yukiko: Okay ew. I’m only a sophomore.
Shadow 1: More you say?
Shadow 2: Boss, that wasn’t very funny.
Shadow 1: I don’t pay you to laugh. Wait, what is she doing with that--
Yukiko: How about more of that camera in your ass?
Shadow 1: OH MY GOD! (gross sound effects)
Shadow 2: The ratings are sky-rocketing!
Yosuke: Dude, did you see that?!
Yu: Yeah, I know. Tom gets closer every time.
Yosuke: What?
Weather lady: We have a slight chance of japan today!
Nanako: Eh, it’s another re-run.
Yu: Uh. I’m gonna go now.
Yosuke: Hey new kid. WATCH THIS!
Yu: Okay, do you ever actually think? Like… at all?
Yosuke: (Sword-licking noise) Ow!
Cop: There are two armed teenager in the Junes Food Court. Requiring back-up. Bring weapons.
Yosuke: (with lisp) WE’RE INNOCENT!
Yu: Officer! Help! He’s trying to kill me!
Adachi: And that’s when he told me never to bring weapons to a food court. I hope this taught you a valuable lesson.
Yu: How long have you been talking?
Chie: Yosuke! Narukami! Uh, other guy! Yukiko’s missing!
Yu: Are you serious?
Yosuke: Why do you think I brought swords?
Adachi: Yukiko...? You know, that name sounds kind of familiar. Oh! Let me check my BOOK OF BASELESS ACCUSATIONS. Hm... Mitsuo Kubo, Taro Namatame, Mayumi Yamano, Shu Nakajima, Shuji Ikutsuki, *cough*Tohru Adachi*cough* Igor, and uh... oh! Here it is. Yukiko Amagi. She's one of our prime suspects for the murder of Miss Yamano and Saki.
Chie: YOU TAKE THAT BACK!
Yosuke: Chie, we're already in trouble with the cops. Please don't attack an officer.
Dojima: What am I doing here and why am I yelling?
Chie: Last time I ever blindly trust an officer. Let’s go see what’s on TV.
Chie: So are you sure she’s in here?
Teddie: Wait, you were following me? That’s not good.
Yu: Now let’s think about this before we go barging i—
Chie: FEEL THE RAW POWER OF STEAAAAK!
Yosuke: She left while you were talking.
Yu: I guess we should follow her in.
Yosuke: Hey, I just found a treasure chest with boots in it.
Shadow Chie: Hello there, Chie.
Chie: YOU LOOK LIKE ME!
Shadow Chie: I am you.
Chie: Noooo, I’m pretty sure I’m me.
Yosuke: Whoa, what’s goin’ on here?
Yu: There are two Chies.
Yosuke: But which is the real one? Dun dun duuuuuuuuuun.
Yu: Iunno, probably the one with the undead eyes.
Chie: Wait wait wait. You mean without, right?
Shadow Chie: Does that count? That totally counts, right? Fuck it. I’m just transforming.
Yu: Okay, what the fuck is that?
Shadow Chie: It’s a banana.
Yu: Why is it a banana?
Shadow Chie: I represent all the fears and secrets Chie tries so desperately to hide.
Chie: I’m not afraid of bananas.
Yosuke: Wait a minute. Bananas? You watched Space Chimps, didn’t you?
Chie: No!
Shadow Chie: Good not great. Hiya!
Yosuke: What do we do now?!
Teddie: YOU HAVE A PERSONA!
Igor: Snoooore.
Margaret: Narukame. Pst. Narukame. You have the ability to use multiple personas based on the bonds you form with other people.
Igor: (wake up noises) Margaret?
Margaret: (whisper fast-ish) Oh shit I gotta go. Don’t forget. Personas. Bye.
Igor: MARGARET, WHAT ARE YO—
Yu: I SUMMON: PYRO JACK!
Pyro Jack: Eeeh!!
Jiraya: This is a hairy situation. Aa!
Yu: Yosuke!
Yosuke: Right!
Yu/Yosuke: Persona!
Jiraya/Pyro Jack: Various fighting noises
Shadow Chie: AAAAAAA!!!!!!!!
Yosuke: That was hot… get it? Funny, right?
Yosuke: Sorry, sir. We’ve gotta take your kid.
Kid: Daddy?
Angry man: You can’t do that, you little shit!
Yosuke: Don’t get mad at me. Company policy.
Angry man: Hrmm….
Yosuke: Hey, dude. I just work here.
Yu: So why’d we leave before saving Yukiko?
Chie: Eh I got thirsty.
Yu: We’re going back in, right?
Chie: So here’s my dog! Isn’t it cute?
Yu: Lovely.
Chie: You know, I forget who took the picture…
Taro: Reeeplay.
Shadow Chie: I AM YOUR TRUE COLORS!
Chie: My favorite color is steak!
Yu: So… if that banana on your head was because you had watched Space Chimps… what was all that other stuff about?
Chie: Oh, even my shadow self knows not to talk about that.
Category:Persona 4 Abridged
Category:P4A Scripts