Captain Shook

Captain Shook is DanzxvFan8275's sixth entry in Spin Off Kings Season Two. It's also the sixth archive of File 1 of I Simp For Juicy Titties. It was released on May 29, 2020.
==Transcript==
[episode starts with SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward, and Eugene walking over to a theater, ready to see a horror play]
SpongeBob: Oh yeah, Mr. Krabs!
Eugene: Huh?
SpongeBob: Oops, sorry. I’m just excited to see this play.
Patrick: Same!
Squidward: [starts laughing] You two won’t last minute in there! You get scared of everything.
SpongeBob: No we don’t!
[Squidward transforms his face into Trump, causing SpongeBob and Patrick both to scream and run in circles. Squidward starts laughing, and soon SpongeBob and Patrick stop themselves and catch their breath]
Squidward: Hah! Gotcha. [they all enter the arena] Why are we going to a play anyway? Why can’t we just go to a movie instead?
Eugene: The prices, Mr. Squidward. I’m saving a FORTUNE!
SpongeBob: You mean $10?
Eugene: Same thing! [they all enter their seats, waiting for the play to start. Patrick brings in a garbage bag full of popcorn and starts guzzling on it, while the other three look in dissatisfaction. As the play starts, it begins with a scene of two people on a park bench.]
Female Actor #1: Oh baby, tonight has been great.
Male Actor #1: Yeah. I can feel something clicking. [cuts to the four in the stands looking on interested] Can- can I kiss you?
Female Actor #1: Say no more. [as the two lean in, an actor dressed as a monster jumps up from behind and waves his claws around.
Actors: AGGFGFGHHHHH!!! no!! [the monster scratches both of them, cutting to the four uninterested and bored with the play. Some of the blood flies onto Patrick, it which he tastes it]
Patrick: [pop] Hm… ketchup. [SpongeBob, Squidward, and Eugene both look on unpleased]
[cuts to a new scene where two children are running around on a playground, enjoying themselves. The monster then appears on the screen]
Monster: How are you kids doing today?
Kid: UGGGGHHHEHGDAHAGD! I’m… uh… doing fine?
Monster: [claws at the two kids, making them fall to the ground] You’ve been FINED… with your life. [cuts to Eugene]
Eugene: Don’t worry kids, I have some fines to pay off to. [laughs] Never will, though. [Squidward, SpongeBob, and Patrick share a deadpan expression] I mean… yeah this play sucks. I’m out. [Eugene walks out, and the other three agree to walk out as they are also bored of the play. The monster on set sees them leaving, and then takes off his mask in anger]
Monster: Goddamn it… some people just aren’t cultured. [throws his mask and stomps on it] FUCK. MY. LIFE. [looks at fourth wall] What? We weren’t able to say that word last episode.
[shows the crew walking out]
Squidward: Man, that play sucked.
SpongeBob: I know, right? They reused that fined joke from the first installment. He was charging a hot girl at a salon who had no money. [keep walking down the sidewalk as Patrick looks around]
Patrick: Yeah. I bet we could make a better play.
[the crew stops]
SpongeBob: Wait! Patrick, say that again!
Patrick: I’m hard right now?
SpongeBob: What? You didn’t even say that.
Patrick: OH, the other thing. [laughs] We can make a better play than that.
Squidward: Wow, that’s brilliant! How about the four of us [whispers] even though I hate all of you [normal speech] maybe this could be fun. We should write our own horror movie! Not a play, those suck.
SpongeBob and Patrick: Yeah! [Eugene claws in front of them]
Eugene: Wait! I should get 80% of the pay.
Squidward: Why? We thought of it.
Eugene: Because… uhm… I’m your supervisor!
SpongeBob: ...we’ll see, Mr. Krabs, we’ll see. [walks on and starts to whisper in Squidward’s ear] Yeah, no.
[scene cuts to the four of them at SpongeBob’s pineapple, sitting on the couch with a clipboard. SpongeBob is taking notes and then talks to everyone else]
SpongeBob: Alright, we need some juicy ideas. Juicy, juicy, juicy. How about-
Eugene: OOH! A drunken sailor who walks the plank… and gains powers.
SpongeBob: Brilliant! We’ve struck gold right away. [starts writing down]
Squidward: He has a pegleg, and his body is a wooden plank?
SpongeBob: [writing while talking out like] ...wooden body. He has a hook that he kills people with! [all three agree, as they eagerly write it all down. Patrick then has an idea]
Patrick: Ooh! Maybe instead of one eyepatch, he wears TWO eyepatches! [starts applauding, but the three others look at him weirdly]
Squidward: I mean that’s a decent concept, but how does he see?
SpongeBob: Yeah, how does he know who he’s getting vengeance on?
Patrick: Alright well… [thinks, then snaps as he has an idea] how about he has an exhaust pipe for his peehole! [SpongeBob peers at him, and then looks at Squidward and Eugene]
SpongeBob: [whispering towards them] Can I see you guys in the kitchen real quick? [the three of them make their way to the kitchen, as SpongeBob starts deliberating with them] Patrick’s really not clicking like we are… I don’t know if he can do anything right.
Eugene: He’s trying his best, boy. Give him a chance.
Squidward: As much as I hate to say it, why not root through a few more of his ideas? The man can’t be THAT dum- [lights go off mid sentence] WHAT THE HELL?! Is… is someone after us? [Patrick comes in]
Patrick: Hey, uh, guys? I think I caused the power to go out. I took a mad leak on the outlet. [SpongeCock has a deadpan expression as it cuts to them back in the living room without any power]
SpongeBob: Alright, so, we’re down a few resources, but we can make production work. [flips to a new page] Alright, we need a setting, when and where does he attack?
Squidward: [thinks as he taps his nose] He sets up shop at his pirate ship… off the coast of Jamaica?
SpongeBob: What’s Jamaica?
Eugene: Don’t you know? It’s where I get me weed.
SpongeBob: Oh. [shutters] Sounds great! [writes down] He attacks early, like at 3 am.
Patrick: Oh boy, 3 am! [takes out a krabby patty and starts to eat it]
Eugene: ...and he starts his sprees in the forest near the dock, where he takes the lives of all of the campers. [flashlight runs out of battery] Shit…
SpongeBob: Damn, you guys are COOKING! [bursts up in excitement]
Patrick: Oooh ooh ooh! Maybe… the pirate finishes his spree at CrazySponge’s house! [the three look at him with a deadpan expression] or maybe a haunted house?
SpongeBob: Hmm… [puts notebook down] Patrick, I don’t think you’re on board with the rest of us.
Patrick: Oh, I see! All of my ideas suck, and your ideas are the best. [punches the couch]
Eugene: Look, we need the best ideas to bring in the big bucks.
Patrick: I thought we were doing it to enjoy ourselves. [gets up and walks out the door]
Squidward: Huh? Where are you going?
Patrick: It’s clear you guys don’t want me here! [slams door shut as he walks out in frustration]
SpongeBob: Okay… I guess it’s just us three. [yawns] Hey Squid, what time is it?
Squidward: [checks watch] 3 am… [watch explodes] Damn it!
SpongeBob: Oh well, I’m tired as a bitch. I’m heading to bed. [walks up the stairs to his room, as Eugene and Squidward fall asleep on the couch]
Narrator: 10 am…
[SpongeBob wakes up and stretches out of his bed. He heads downstairs with his notepad and a pencil as his poors spout a bit of blood out]
SpongeBob: Ew. I need to get that checked. [heads downstairs as Squidward and Eugene are cowering in fear] So, are you guys ready to go to work on our movie?
Eugene: [rocking back and forth] Uh… lad? You might wanna check this out for yourself.
SpongeBob: What is it, Mr. Krabs?
Eugene: It’s Patrick.
SpongeBob: [eyes tighten] What… what about him?
Squidward: Well… [opens shades on window to show a dead Patrick near his rock. His skin and guts are splattered all over his driveway as SpongeBob jumps back in horror]
SpongeBob: WHAT?! NO! It can’t be!
Eugene: Son, it is. Patrick is dead.
SpongeBob: [starts breaking down crying] How?!
[make their way outside to see Patrick’s remains. SpongeBob sees a piece of metal and wood planks nearby]
SpongeBob: Hm… interesting.
Eugene: This is awful. [studies the flesh and area] Who could’ve done this?
Squidward: I dunno.
SpongeBob: [scrapes water out of his eyes] I… I need to go back to bed. [runs back to the house; turns to Squidward and Eugene] Continue with the plot!
Eugene: Sure.
[cuts to SpongeBob sleeping in his bed. He twitches around as his dream starts to show with him and Patrick running around on a beach.
Patrick: Man, this is fun!
SpongeBob: I know! [the two laugh loudly as a pirate ship sails its way over. Lightning clouds crowd the sky as it turns from sunny to dark and rainy. SpongeBob and Patrick look on in confusion] Huh? [the ship comes up into the cove, drops its anchor, and a pirate jumps out of it and swims onto shore. The pirate gets up and shows his wooden body, and also takes off a glove to reveal his hook for a hand.]
Pirate: Hey, guys! I just want to play! [SpongeBob and Patrick scream as the pirate reaches for Patrick. His blood and organs can be seen flying around as the pirate slashes his body off-screen]
SpongeBob: PATRICK! NO! [pirate drops Patrick’s lifeless body]
Pirate: You’re next, kid!
SpongeBob: No! Never! [runs off into the forest where he starts navigating around the trees, trying to find a place to hide. He then settles in a hollow trunk that has been struck by lightning and fallen over.] Here… he’ll never find me. [pants as he runs out of breath. The pirate creeps around the corner and peaks into the trunk]
Pirate: Hey, buddy! How’s it going. [SpongeBob screams and jumps up as the pirate makes his way inside] I just wanna say hi.
SpongeBob: Please don’t do it! No, I beg of you!
[as the pirate goes to cock his claw back to scratch SpongeBob, it cuts to him in his bed screaming after the nightmare]
SpongeBob: Gah! What have I created? [throws sheets off] Why can’t I… [lights turn back off and an eerie scream goes off] Who’s there? [trembles in fear as he lights a candle and makes his way downstairs] Don’t hurt me, please! [as he continues to beg, he wanders into the kitchen, where he sees a glass of water on the counter] Hm… water… [chuckles nervously] That’s just what I need. Yeah. [walks over to the water on the table, but he then slips on the floor right before he reaches it] Ow! What was that?
[the lights flick back on as SpongeCock is staring directly at the corpse of Squidward]
SpongeCock: AGGGGGGHHHHHHAAAAA!!! WHAT’S GOING ON! [runs in circles as he screams. He then stops in his tracks while hearing a news report]
Johnny Elaine: [flickers onto the TV] Breaking news! Three Bikini Bottomites have been reported missing.
SpongeCock: Hmm… [laughs] what a coincidence.
Johnny Elaine: Police believe that this is what they look like. [cuts to sketches of Patrick, Squidward, and Eugene]
SpongeCock: WHAT?! No! It can’t be!
Johnny Elaine: Yes, it’s an unfortunate event, and police are still investigating the sudden disappearance. [TV powers off as some wires spark]
SpongeCock: Wait, where’s Mr. Krabs? [lights flicker back on as it shows a card on the counter. He picks it up and reads it] We made you some crab legs as a treat… have a good meal… what the? [drops card as he sees a sliced up Eugene on a plate] AGGHH!!! No! IT CAN’T BE! [slides into living room] My friends are DEAD! [punches the ground as he starts bawling. He then hears a knock at his door. He faintly lets out a cry.] Come in… [the door busts down to reveal two police officers]
Cop #1: Sir, we’re here because we’re trying to find the three citizens who went missing.
Cop #2: Would you happen to know anything?
SpongeBob: [continues to cry] They’re… they’re here.
Cop #1: They are? Where?
SpongeBob: In the kitchen… [punches ground] Patrick’s guts are two houses down. [gets up to beg the cops] I need you to help me.
Cop #2: Oh, you sure need help alright. [Cop #1 comes back from the kitchen to grab Eugene and Squidward’s corpse]
Cop #1: Yep, this is them alright. They’re dead. [turns to SpongeBob] Sir, do you know how suspicious this looks?
SpongeBob: I know! I can’t believe- [handcuffed by one of the cops]
Cop #2: Sir, you’ll be coming with us.
SpongeBob: WHAT?! WHY!
Cop #1: For the murder of Patrick Star, Squidward Tentacles, and Eugene Krabs. [walks him to car]
SpongeBob: IT WASN’T ME! I WOKE UP TO ALL OF THEM DEAD!
Cop #2: Sure, and you’ll be dead today too. [shoves him into car] You’ll be seeing the electric chair soon]
Cop #1: Sir, triple homicide is a serious crime. [starts driving] You’ll find that out as you get sparked.
[SpongeBob looks on forlorn as it cuts to the police station. SpongeBob is being taken by the two officers]
SpongeBob: Man… this sucks.
Cop #1: Maybe think twice before you murder your best friends. [walk past the prison cells]
SpongeBob: Hm, that’s funny, why aren’t I being put into the cell?
Cop #2: You don’t remember much, do you? [brings him up to the electric chair, bolting him down] You’re getting executed. [SpongeBob gets tightly squeezed into the chair.
SpongeBob: [gulps] Oh god… [more cops walk in]
Cop #1: Any last words, Mr. SquarePants?
SpongeBob: I didn-
Cop #2: Great speech! [as he goes to pull the lever to start the execution, the pirate from their movie and the dream comes into the room]
Pirate: Hey, guys! [Cop #2 stops] Meet my blade! [swings at a few of the background cops with his claw, causing them to fall to the ground and ooze blood and guts all over the place]
SpongeBob: AGGGGHHHH!!! NOT AGAIN!
Cop #2: It must go on! [try to switch the lever again, but the pirate jumps on him and rips his spine out with his hook. The cop is losing consciousness and barely brings out his walkie-talkie.] Calling… for… backup. [drops dead]
SpongeBob: It’s you again! [pirate walks over] I’m your creator.
Pirate: Yeah, so are your friends. And they’re all dead!
SpongeBob: Why did you do it?
Pirate: Because I’M SEEKING REVENGE! You threw me overboard!
SpongeBob: What? No! That was your captain.
Pirate: Mr. SquarePants… it is time to die. [as he’s about to swipe his claw up to kill him, SpongeBob starts sweating and tries to slither out]
SpongeBob: Please don’t… [continues to swing, but suddenly, the pirate takes his hook back and removes his mask, revealing to be the actor from the play they watched]
Actor: Surprise! [SpongeBob jumps up in shock]
SpongeBob: Huh? YOU were the pirate?
Actor: Indeed I was! [laughs hysterically] And your friends aren’t dead. They’re right here. [Patrick, Squidward, and Eugene walk back in]
Eugene: He gotcha good, laddy!
Squidward: But not before he got us.
Patrick: I’m impotent.
SpongeBob: But… I don’t understand.
Actor: I just got done telling them. [shows flashback of the play] I had seen the four of you mock my play and leave in disgust. I was pissed. [cuts to him outside of the pineapple] So to get you fools back, I left the play, followed you home, and listened to your terrible idea. [shows him peering into the pineapple laughing]
SpongeBob: Let me get this straight. You dressed up as our pirate character, pretended to kill the three of them, framed me, and then almost got me executed, just because we didn’t like the play?
Actor: Yeah. [puts hook on SpongeBob’s shoulder] Basically. [the five of them all start laughing hysterically for a second, but then the actor gets hit with a bullet from the side of the room and goes down, causing the gang to look over and see another cop]
Cop: Aha! We caught him. [cocks gun] And now to finish you all off too. [shoots in their direction]
SpongeBob: AHHH!!! RUN!!! [Patrick jumps out of the window, as the other three follow and run away from the police station.]
[episode ends]
==Trivia==
*This episode came second place for Round 6.
Category:I Simp For Juicy Titties
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