Los Santos

Los Santos is a fictional shitty city in GTA 5, much like the real-life Los Angeles. It is larger but it looks more boring and shitty, besides having a shitty neighborhood and fake-looking buildings. The people in Los Santos is shitty too, giving the fact that most of them are as hostile as butthurt fanboys of GTA. Many people exhausted about the city being too unrealistic, and that sometimes even disgusting events can be found throughout the city. There are also many glitches in this map, as well as shitty-designed buildings and places ranging from Vinewood to Strawberry, from Little Seoul to Del Perro. It's shitty everywhere in Los Santos. The only good thing in this map was it's size allowing players to roam freely.
== Districts / Neighborhoods ==
Sine Los Santos is utterly shit modeled via shit, therefore this section is necessary.
=== Central Los Santos ===
Probably the only best place in this map, it was the central site for most of the shitty things in Los Santos to be executed. This place contains several scenic skyscrapers which made up that this place was the best place in Los Santos. Central Los Santos include:
* Downtown Los Santos
* Mission Row
* Textile City
* Pillbox Hill
* Legion Square
=== North Los Santos ===
North Los Santos is an estate for the wealthy bitches and slutty celebs. Money is everything, but they forgot morals and that money cannot buy them health and happiness. The neighborhood consists of nice but expensive properties and vehicles for the rich bitches to pee on. Micheal is a resident in this estate, heavily protected by Gruppe Sachs's patrols. It is common to see poor people wielding a weapon and kill whoever they see and steal whatever they see in this estate to start a poor-rich revolution. North Los Santos include:
* Alta
* Burton
* Hawick
* Vinewood
* West Vinewood
* Rockford Hills
* Richman
* Downtown Vinewood
=== South Los Santos ===
Home to the poorest residents in the shit city of Los Santos, economy for them is depressing day by day, and that they always send troops to North Los Santos for the robbing and killing to start a poor-rich revolution. This place is also a warzone for the Ballas and The Families, much that they both have gay intercourse rather than gunning here and there. Since the place is poor, houses are poorly maintained (although wood is a better material - why brick?). South Los Santos include:
* Strawberry (no strawberries?)
* Davis
* Rancho
* Terminal (which shouldn't be deserved in this place)
* La Puerta
* Banning (for no reason)
* Elysian Island (part of Terminal)
* Chamberlain Hills
=== East Los Santos ===
It's half industrial and half residential in East Los Santos, because this place is planned properly besides Central Los Santos, and unlike the rest of this shit city. The residents here are just average office workers which made up to this place economy being stable. If you got really lucky, you should found that the office ladies commonly spawn here. This place is for those who can afford, but still need to work to sustain the economy, which makes it an ideal place for the player to purchase a property. East Los Santos include:
* East Vinewood
* Mirror Park
* East Los Santos (damn the name is representing the whole district)
* La Mesa
* Murrieta Oil Fields
* Cypress Flats
* Murrieta Heights
* El Burro Heights
=== West Los Santos ===
A beautiful place besides Central Los Santos, this place still owns residents that are partially rich but not showing off their wealth. This place is noted for the beaches unlike the others of this shit city. West Los Santos include:
* Little Seoul (no K-POP?!)
* Morningwood
* Del Perro
* Pacific Bluffs
* Backlot City
* Puerto Del Sol
* Vespucci
* Vespucci Canals (different from Vespucci)
== Landmarks and Sightings ==
Los Santos is already a shitty city made out of cheap material. Therefore, there are less landmarks and sightings in this city. And that's why this section is needed, to show you the best landmarks.
=== Skyscrapers and buildings ===
Los Santos includes many best buildings and skyscrapers, so the list goes down here, which makes them apart from the other shits in Los Santos. These places include:
* The Amazing Maze Bank Tower
* Penris Building (the developers even cannot spell penis properly)
* The corrupt IAA Headquarters
* The corrupt FIB Headquarters
* The Sleek Union Depository Tower
* Mile High Club (the notable construction building in Los Santos)
* Weazel Plaza
* Little Seoul Tower
* WIWANG Tower
* 3 Alta Street Tower
* Lombank Building
* Lombank Tower
* Schlongberg Sachs Center
* Badger Building
* Arcadius Business Center
* Richards Majestic Tower
=== Hotels ===
Hotels in Los Santos is equivalently inaccessible for some reason. But we still want to list the hotels down because they are famous for sexual intercourse. These hotels include:
* Banner Hotel And Spa
* Hookah Palace (the developers forgot how to spell hooker correctly)
* The Richman Hotel
* Rockford Dorset Hotel
* The Emissary
* The Generic Hotel
* Pegasus Concierge Hotel (damn Pegasus is one conquering bitch in the industry world)
* Gentry Manor Hotel
* Opium Nights
* Von Crastenburg Hotel
=== Residential Buildings ===
These buildings are just the normal place for GTA Online players to retreat when the cops are on them, or they have a bounty on their head and to piss others off for failing to kill them with a sniper. For ease, these list include:
* Dream Tower (keep dreaming)
* Eclipse Tower
* Kayton Tower
* Rancho Projects
* Weazel Plaza
* Tinsel Towers
=== Sporting Locations ===
So you're tired of driving around the streets, being a thug to the police or killing other players while having them throwing their gaming consoles out of their windows? Sporting locations are for you, and here's the list:
* Del Perro Plaza
* Los Santos Gold Club
* The Majestic Maze Bank Arena
* Pleasure Pier (well it didn't give us pleasure because there's too much glitch in there)
* Puerto Del Sol Yacht Club
* Rockford Plaza
* Vinewood Bowl of noodles
* Vinewood Racetrack
=== Shitty Landmarks ===
Here's our list with landmarks made out of shits, that many claimed that it's an authentic landmark:
* Vinewood Sign (straight up copying the Hollywood Sign)
* Vinewood Boulevard
* Rancho Towers
* Sightings Bar & Restaurants
* Tequi-la-la-la I-dare-you by Shakira
== Infrastructure ==
Expect infrastructure in Los Santos to be filled with shits.
=== Airport and Seaport ===
Butthurt hardcore fans of GTA 5 always claim that the LSIA is the world's busiest airports, completely forgetting the airports in Europe (expect Amsterdam Schipol) was way busier than the shit in Los Santos. They also love to claim that Los Santos is one of the busiest seaports in the world, completely forgetting the world's busiest seaports in the rest of the world (expect Singapore). This can be concluded that hardcore fans of GTA 5 are super stupid, racist, moronic, idiotic, brainless and butthurt, as evidenced in the official GTA wiki.
Here's the two places they always claim busy, but in fact, shitty as hell:
* Los Santos International Airport
* Port Of Los Santos
=== Highways ===
There's no highways in Los Santos. All of them are stupidly called "Freeways" by the developers. So, we didn't list them down, and even if we list them down, the traffis is shitty anyway.
=== Transportation ===
The main transportation of Los Santos is also shitty, which is named Los Santos Transit (LST for short). The buses are slow and the drivers aggresive, like the majority of hardcore GTA 5 fans. The train, dubbed The Arrow, is even slower, considering the shittiest material that this shit city have used.
=== Hospital ===
Los Santos consists of the world's shittiest hospitals, with most of them failing to cure their patients. They all depend on black magic. Here's the list of hospitals using black bomoh magic:
* Central Los Santos Medical Center
* St.Fiacre Hospital
* Eclipse Medical Tower
* Mount Zonah Medical Center
* Pillbox Hill Medical Center
== Law Enforcement ==
Corrupt, brutal, aggressive and hostile is the perfect words to describe Los Santos, already a shit city, even shittier. They encourage police brutality. They shoot anything if touched a little bit, causing them to aggressively shoot their dick if their dick interrupts them from a shooting on an innocent civilian.
* LSPD
* NOOSE
=== Crime ===
Los Santos is full of crimes and a shit city. Police corruption, corporate companies cheating, bank fraud, government lies, being gay, killing others, even you, as a player in GTA Online, is considered crime. This pretty much explains Los Santos, where crimes are everything.
== Trivia ==
* Los Santos is made out of shit.
* Traffic in Los Santos could congest forever.
* Los Santos is polluted as stated in-game, which the developers wanted Los Santos to be on top of every category, even pollution.
** They did this because they found out that Beijing was heavily polluted in 2013.
** Also, even if they say it's polluted, the player's character should die by losing health by now.
* Los Santos, like real-life Los Angeles, is popular on believing Scientology, which is covered up by the name of "Eplison Program" in-game.
* In December 2013, the developers added snow in Los Santos. This caused the game to freeze and crash.
* Los Santos is overly expensive anyhow.
* Since Los Santos is made of shit, therefore don't expect realistic effects like in Battlefield 4.