Josif Oppenheim

Josif Oppenheim was a swiss person who was a german general and camp director, and a countryside fellow.
== History ==
=== 1914 ===
Josif successfully enlisted to the german army, and were sent to the Italian Front to secure Northern Italy, as it was full of valuable stuff, otherwise known as factories and place to grow food. The offensive was going well, for the first few hours, due to the german army was not trained for mountain warfare. However, due to being born on the swiss countryside, a place full of mountains, he used his knowledge to lead his squad to victory. However, due to his overoptimism, the squad that he was serving in ventured too far deep inside Italy, and all of them were captured and became prisoners of war. There were many attempts of executing them, but all of them were called off by the superior of the italian soldiers. Given this opportunity, Josif have found a loophole on which through they could escape captivity, and they did so. However, they did not escaped before killing all of the italian soldiers located at the site. They have returned to more friendlier area, and when questioned by another squad leader about their whereabouts, Josif answered "We were on a short vacation".
=== 1915 ===
Josif have found himself at the battle for Rome, where both french, german and italian forces fought for the city, all of them against each other. In the meantime, he was promoted to corporal. But the good fortune came to an end where him and his squad were trapped in a library, surrounded by 300 italian soldiers. Josif knew this moment was a do or die, and so, they have charged out of their hiding places, and by some well placed bayonet charges afterwards, they won, except that no one was left alive, except Josif. This would give him the perfect opportunity, as he wasn't compatible with working multiple people, and hated giving orders and taking orders. Other members of the german army rumored that he was dead, but in reality, he was operating alone. After this battle, the italians surrendered, and it was time to exterminate the french in the area. Josif have quickly realized that the german forces had to make a softcore blood sacrifice to defeat the italians, and they suffered casualties in doing so, where as the french have suffered light casualties. Luckily for Josif, he have spent many time looting soldiers and have found soup cans on italian soldiers, which were in reality, grenades that exploded upon first ground impact that was strong enough to trigger the explosion. At night, when most of the french forces were asleep, Josif started to throw italian grenades at their position, which proved successful, as the french forces pulled out of Rome 2 days later. This was the most traumatic event of the Battle for Rome, at least for the french.
=== 1916 ===
Josif knew very well that the war is not at the advantage of Germany, as he was sent to the Eastern Front, he had to immediately run backwards, as he was under constant attack of 100 men, lead by Ilya Artemovich Mertov. A friend of his said "They have reached quantum immortality", which was crazy for the time, as no one knew the concept of it, and it wouldn't be revealed for a very long amount of time. In Warsaw, with other 100 thousand german soldiers, they weren't prepared for an undead attack, the mere sight of the undead looking russian soldiers scared the majority of the german soldiers, while the rest have died in the city. Josif was one of the very few that were successfully able to survive the encounter, and have started to run back in inhumane speeds towards Germany. When he arrived to a german trench, he have told the fate of Warsaw, and that 100 russian soldiers were able to defeat 100 thousand german soldiers. Many have said that Josif went crazy, but they were able to witness the crazy for themselves, as 24 hours later, the 100 russian soldiers have reached the trenches. This time, however, no one retreated, except Josif, whom everyone rightfully accused him as a coward, but unknown to him, the entirety of the trench have been wiped out. However, many have claimed that the war have taken a toll on his mental illness, and when he was reporting to a superior officer, he was sent to the Western Front, more specifically Paris, where the german forces were facing french forces.
=== 1917 ===
Not long after Josif arrived to Paris, the french artillery started to arrive and wrecked havoc, mainly on the buildings, instead of the german positions. Due to this, the germans retreated from the city, leaving Josif disappointed. But as they were retreating, they were attacked by the french artillery correctly this time killing a large part of the german army. Few weeks later, Belgium was under attack by both sides, being caught in the crossfire. Due to the german artillery moving in, the french push was halted by a lot. For Josif, he have found an infantry superweapon of belgian origin, that was a bolt-action rifle, that shoots grenades, but the grenades explode on first impact, and the explosion is strong enough to erase anything in a diameter of 6.8 meters. After this, the french were forced to retreat, until the germans used up all of the ammunition, and had to retreat into mainland Germany. Josif was very well aware of that the war will not be won and he's looking forward to get away as soon as possible, and so, not long after a small skirmish near the french-german border, he have silently escaped into Norway without anyone noticing. After this, Josif have started to work in a weapon factory, to supply Norway's non-existent military. The first problem he encountered that the production rate was extremely slow, due to the factory's financial situation and unable to fix certain problems.
=== 1918 ===
Josif have recently purchased his new house in Norway, where he have heard the news of a strange snow creature messing up the area near the factory, and it might destroy the factory as well. When he got to the factory, it was already destroyed, and he ended up homeless, but in revenge, he destroyed the snow creature with a well placed flamethrower he borrowed from a friend of his. After that, he was captured by german spies in Norway, and was held as a prisoner of war, even when he wasn't fighting, he still was a part of the german army, as he didn't quit formally. He was held at Breslau until november, where he was shipped to federal prison, but then he was shipped to a foreign prison as the people who were running the prison were also running out of money. But the foreign prisons refused to hold a "dangerous" person whom have survived multiple encounters with Ilya Artemovich Mertov, so he was stripped from his valuables, then was set free as a homeless man in Berlin, with nothing to lose. However, even those that were around him, were also afraid of him, as they have also heard the encounters where Josif didn't die. However, Josif himself had to commit many crimes in order to gain whatever amount of many he could find during these ridiculous times, as inflation started to grow early after the war ended, and it started to grow real fast.
=== 1919 ===
Josif have temporarily moved to the US, due to the inflation in Germany was so high, entire banks were emptied just to buy one loaf of bread. However in the US, alcohol was prohibited, a thing he opposed as a slightly alcoholic person. This is when he decided to buy a lot of toilet paper and make a moonshine out of it. However, he also needed a lot of equipment to make moonshine, equipment he didn't have. But after robbing fellow criminals, he finally was able to make toilet paper moonshine, which took a lot of time. Luckily for him, the moonshine was made deep in the floridian jungle, a place where people rarely go. However, to avoid being caught, he have shot all people who have wandered nearby to his position, and then the corpses were dropped in a mass grave. However, this have lead to a large amount people going missing in the floridian jungle. And this have lead authorities venturing into the floridian jungle, trying to find missing people. The majority were found dead, but unfortunately, they have found Josif, whom have respectively shot the police officers, and afterwards saying "I'm sorry." Fortunately, 2 day later, the moonshine was done. It had no taste, but it was highly alcoholic, and it could be disguised as water. He have decided to travel to Chicago to sell toilet paper moonshine. When he arrived, he started to sell them. People looked at him with confusion, but after they sniffed the "water", they quickly understood the situation and have bought the "water".
=== 1920 ===
Josif became crazy rich with disguised moonshine, and people have yet to notice that the water isn't water, but it's toilet paper moonshine. The first one to notice that something was wrong, was a gangster by the name of Joseph Hill, who highly approved of the idea, and helped Josif to make more of this toilet paper moonshine. However, the authorities were also suspecting something is wrong with the "water" as people will act funny 3 minutes after consumption. When they have bought some for themselves, they admired the effort to hide alcohol, and they have started to buy some of it as well. Soon enough, Josif became the richest person in Chicago. However, other gangs have started to take notice and had several attempts at sabotaging, but all failed, due to Joseph Hill's big brain and overprotective nature. And soon enough, Chicago became the most famous place for alcohol. It got so famous, even people from Alaska have traveled to Chicago, to get a taste of the moonshine. The disadvantages were that it looked and tasted like water, but the advantage were that people at first glance don't notice it's moonshine and it will get people drunk 3 minutes after consumption. However, things became even better when people realized who Josif is, as it was realized that he was one of the few people that survived encounters with Ilya Artemovich Mertov. Due to this massive amount of fame, Josif became extremely popular both among the US military and the people, mainly because he could have talked about war stories for days, and because he was selling toilet paper moonshine.
=== 1921 ===
Josif have returned to Germany, now that he's rich, and have allowed Joseph Hill to continue giving toilet paper moonshine to people in the US. However, he went and joined the Reichswehr, and the first he had to done was murdering innocent civilians who were protesting. He have shot his superior instead, and have joined the protesting people, alongside with other members of the Reichswehr. When they have reached the Reichstag, they have set the whole building on fire, resulting in 150 deaths, and the building disappearing. With the current government gone, it was replaced by a new jingoist government, with the leader being August Engelmann, who have introduced conscription again, a clear violation of the Treaty of Versailles, but considering how the german people felt humiliated, many have joined, raising the German Military members to a very high number of 1.7 million. France have declared war on Germany, but the french were instantly pushed back, as the Treaty of Versailles weren't enforced in Germany enough for it to cause any several damage besides annihilating the already failing economy. After the german forces conquered Alsace-Lorraine, they offered a peace on the condition if they can keep the already conquered territory. Peace was agreed.
=== 1922 ===
Josif, now a general, was asked to demolish the entirety of the Maginot Line, and plant tree seeds. Considering how ridiculous the order was, he "disappeared". However, in reality, he just have traveled to Hungary, without anyone noticing. In Hungary, he have purchased an extremely expensive house, as some sort of hideout, to hide from people. And hiding he did, because he rarely allowed people inside, except when it was about paying the bills. He also have went outside the house when he was seeking for wood. However, people started speculating about the house if it is used by cultists as a place to worship some sort of god. However, during this time, Josif have made his mind up, and promised to never return to Germany until something truly promising was happening that would also benefit him. This have raised some eyebrows in Germany, as he have disappeared without anyone noticing. Some were spreading rumors that he was killed, some said he returned to the US, but no one knew who was telling the truth. However, only few knew the intention behind the disappearance of Josif, but those who knew, they were serving in the military with Josif in WW1, and most of them were dead, only 6 have survived.
=== 1923 ===
Josif have returned to Germany to fix the entire country, as unemployment was extremely high, so he decided to form a militia, and have decided to invade France, and have an attempt to go to the Maginot Line, as it was given back to France not long after he have left the country last year. The german government panicked, as the country was nowhere near ready for a war, but since Josif was managing everything, it was semi-fine. However, The problem would come when he tries to cross the Maginot Line, as it was said that it is impenetrable. Well he was about to penetrate it with artillery, until he had a better idea. He halted the attacks for a while, until he could figure out how to create a bacteria that were capable of consuming concrete of any kind. He have built a massive machine to modify any kind of bacteria into whatever it is needed to be to modified to. The machine worked well, the problem was that it took a ridiculously long time to achieve success, but success came, 2 weeks later. When it did, Josif have released the bacteria at the Maginot Line, and within just 5 hours, the entirety of it collapsed on it's own weight. After this, the german troops marched deep into France beginning to occupy settlements, and even bombing those that publicly spoke out against them. This gave Josif a good and a bad reputation at the same time. However, unknown to him, France was ready for a counterattack, as they were still occupying the Ruhr. Josif ordered a small amount of bombers to drop bombs on french positions in the Ruhr, until none of the french forces exist.
=== 1924 ===
As the forces of Josif that he controls, kept getting closer to Paris, it increasingly looked like that another war was about to broke out, in reality, Josif had a much worse idea. He wanted to dismantle the entirety of the french military, and force it to be dismantled for 10 years. However, as the possibilities of another war increased, the americans started to send relief forces into France in order to attempt to halt the german invasion. In response, Josif have decided to use chemical weapons to the full extent of even attacking innocent wildlife that contributed nothing to the war. This have raised some eyebrows, but nevertheless it made the french government unconditionally surrender. When Josif have returned to Berlin, he was congratulated as a hero. However, the german economy was still crappy, and there was a high need in jobs. With this, Josif have enforced some builders to build workplaces for free, otherwise they are going to die. This method of creating jobs were effective, but evil. It was a success, as the hyperinflation started to halt a week later, and 2 days after that, it started to decrease. After this, many have wanted Josif as the leader, instead of August Engelmann. Josif refused, as he have never seen any potential in himself as a leader of an entire country. However, he was more eager to be the one who controls the entirety of the military, as he was competent for the job.
=== 1925 ===
Josif have got hold of the news that there's a plot going around in Austria that some far-right wing politicians are planning to do a revolution in Germany, and make him as a leader. He immediately ignored, as he was drunk at the time. However, his friends became concerned as they were fully aware that Josif wouldn't accept any kind of form of being a leader of a country. However, when Josif became sober, he decided to fix the economy even more, and have accidentally created a hyperdeflation, where the the german currency became so valuable, Germany was the richest country for a while, until some members of the League of Nations sent economists to purposely damage the german economy. It succeeded, however it was quickly found out whom have did it, and they were sentenced to be shot publicly. After this, there were many requests from the german government that if there's any possible way they could join the League of Nations, however their request was denied, as the "reason" behind it was that the government had too much ties to communist countries, which was a lie, as Germany was mainly trading with countries in Central Europe. Thanks to these accusations, a nation-wide unrest started and more and more people started to join the German Army, which was controlled by Josif himself, however the military was so independent from the Reichstag, that they practically could do whatever they want. Josif himself ordered that the country would be forced to be closed and no one could enter or exit
=== 1927 ===
Josif have predicted that everyone would have concerns about Germany closing it's borders, despite the country having a fairly democratic government. However, Josif also started drawing out plans on how Germany could be saved even more from potential economic collapses. it was decided later that rapid industrialization should be forced on every settlement that had a population larger than 50 thousand, and Germany should be further be isolated from the rest of Europe. It resulted in a steady economic decline, but later it was fixed. Not long after this, Josif have noticed that the government became really dependent on him, and started to use this to his advantage to pass some authoritarian laws, but at the same time not letting the news go outside Germany. Soon enough, conscription was introduced, thanks to Josif. This made people worried as they thought they are living in a free democratic world. They were wrong. For Josif, he have seen this whole authoritarian government thing really profitable, as he practically were able to mobilize a really huge part of the population, in order to defend Germany. Not only that, he became rich in the process.Category:Human
Category:Swiss