The Addicts

The Addicts is the twenty-fifth episode of Cult of Squid. It aired February 28th, 2020 and was written by Purple133.
== Plot ==
Squidward freaks out when everybody in the cult gets addicted to a Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy video game found in the remains of Bikini Bottom.
== Transcript ==
(Episode begins with a battalion of cult brothers being lead by Noseward walking through an empty street in Bikini Bottom)
Noseward: Over here brothers!
Brother Brother: Oh what is that?
Noseward: (holds up Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy: The Video Game) IT’S A VIDEO GAME!
Brother Brother: Oh wow.
Brother Squah: Yes finally. The gamers will rise up.
(Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy emerge)
Mermaid Man: I DETECT EVIL!
Barnacle Boy: Quiet you old fart you gave away our hidden location!
Noseward: Is this your video game?
Mermaid Man: Yes.
Noseward: Okay. HEY BOYS WE GOT TWO MORE PRISONERS! 
Barnacle Boy: Aw man.
Mermaid Man: YOU ARE EVIL SQUIDS!
Noseward: Awww, thank you. Lock them away.
(Cut to Buff Jim running on a treadmill and noticing Doctor Crayons playing the game)
Buff Jim: Hey Doctor Crayons, I thought you were going to work out with me today?
Doctor Crayons: I would, but this is the first gamer action I’ve had since the invasion.
Brother Abortion: HEY I DIDN’T KNOW YOU WERE A FELLOW GAMER?!
Doctor Crayons: Wait aren’t you dead-
Brother Abortion: No see I faked my own death. Pretty cool, huh?
Doctor Crayons: Yeah sure. Want to play? It’s a two player game.
Brother Abortion: Okay.
(Two -hours- DAYS later)
Doctor Crayons: Wait how long have we been here?
Squidward: GUYS WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
Brother Abortion: Playing this sick game. 
Squidward: I haven’t seen you two in days!
Doctor Crayons: Wait excuse me what?
Squidward: I’m going to have to take away this stupid game. 
Doctor Crayons: No! NO! YOU CAN’T!
Squidward: Why?
The Initiator: *appears* I’ll tell you why Squidward. It would appear that our two brothers here are addicted.
Brother Abortion: WE JUST GOT TO MUTANT LAND COME ON SQUIDWARD!
Squidward: Huh?
The Initiator: Well let me put it into the form of a song.
Squidward: Wait why?
The Initiator: *starts singing* IT JUST FEELS RIGHT! AND I KNOW THAT THEY ARE ADDICTED BEC-
Squidward: Alright you’ve made your point. So what should we do?
The Initiator: We should get then addicted to another game.
Noseward: *appears* No that’s a stupid idea. You idiot.
The Initiator: Hey bro no offense but just suddenly appearing is my thing.
Noseward: Fine.
The Initiator: Okay Squidward here is one tactic you can use. Threaten them!
Squidward: Already tried that. 
Noseward: Well I’ll do it better. BROTHER ABORTION TEN HUT!
Brother Abortion: Shut up Noseward. 
Noseward: GASP! That always works on him! Squidward something’s wrong here.
Squidward: No you’re just paranoid. 
Noseward: Well that too. The visions haven’t gone away and-
Squidward: Do I look like a therapist? Please let me solve this issue with brute force.
(Squidward picks up a rock and chucks it at the TV screen)
Doctor Crayons: WAIT WHERE DID IT GO?
Squidward: I broke your TV since you two aren’t getting anything done. I need to prepare my armies for-
Doctor Crayons: Hey Brother Abortion how would you feel about trying to strike down Brother Squidward for breaking our game?
Squidward: Wait what?
Doctor Crayons: I SHALL DO IT!
Squidward: Wait guys what’s going on is this a prank because it’s not funny.
The Initiator: Squidward I think they developed a legit dependency on playing the game and you just took it from them without doing anything else.
Squidward: And?
Noseward: Well now they’ll kill you. 
Squidward: Wait no this makes no sense. Security!
(Security runs over with lipstick all over his face)
Security: Oh hey. What do you need?
Squidward: What happened to you?
Security: Yvonne and I were studying battle tactics.
Squidward: Oh alright. Can you please restrain Doctor Crayons and Brother Abortion here?
Security: Sure thing.
Brother Abortion: Prepare to return to the brine of the divine swine you godforsaken heathens!
(Security tackles the two cult brothers and restrains them to a chair)
Security: So what now?
Noseward: Maybe we can hypnotize them out of this?
The Initiator: No, that’s stupid. Let me now vanish before the episode’s problem resolves itself. 
(The Initiator vanishes)
Squidward: So hypnosis?
Noseward: Hypnosis. 
(Security hands Squidward his trusty pocket watch)
Security: Guard that with your life.
Squidward: So how do I do this Noseward?
Noseward: Allow me.
(Noseward walks in front of Crayons and Abortion and swings the pocket watch, then smashes it against the floor and they both suddenly return to normal)
Security: My pocket watch! 
Doctor Crayons: My head hurts. What happened?
Squidward: You guys got addicted to that game. Fortunately we managed to save you. Now come on everybody, we have no time to waste!
Noseward: For what?
(Squidward leads the brothers into the main room where they sit down in chairs with a large crowd of other cult squids. Squidward steps up onto a podium)
Squidward: Brothers! And Sister Yvonne. I have gathered all of you here today to let you know of the coming invasion we’re about to begin. This is the first any of you have heard of it. I know it sounds crazy, but remember when I told you of the alternate world? Well I thought, wait, what if the cult...took over Hell itself?
Brother Petey: I think that is a great idea.
Buff Jim: Actually?
Squidward: Yes brothers. I believe with our force and our power, we may stand a chance. So who will join me? 
Security: Me.
Buff Jim: I don’t see any reason why not to.
Sister Yvonne: Sure.
The Initiator: *appears* yes.
Brother Brother: I’m in as well.
Brother Caldwell: I guess I should join in too. 
Brother Abortion: Why the hell not. See what I did there?
Squidward: Is that all?
Doctor Crayons: I think so sir.
Squidward: Well I understand your fear. While I’m gone, it would be much appreciated if those of you still here followed Noseward as he leads an invasion of Rock Bottom. 
Buff Jim: So we’re actually doing this? How are we getting there?
Squidward: I have a map in the cult files of a door to Hell. Once we find that, we’ll begin the largest invasion in our history. Good luck guys, we’ll need it.
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