Controlled Burn

Controlled Burn is the seventy-eighth episode of Cult of Squid. It released on July 17th, 2024 and was written by Locknloaded23 and Purple133.
==Plot==
Nix intervenes during a battle between the Cult and Markers, who's turned to Azryth for power, saving the cultists from death but having them complete a task in another dimension for her in return.
==Transcript==
(Episode begins with Squidward, Crayons, and Noseward fighting against Markers in a new and improved war machine)
Markers: FEAR ME, FEEBLE CULTISTS!
Squidward: Dude, you need to stop talking like that. 
Markers: Well now that I’ve sold my soul to get more power, I can do whatever I want! 
(Markers shoots a large purple energy blast from his arm cannon at Crayons, but he’s able to push a demon in front of it before it can hit him) 
Crayons: You idiot! You sold your SOUL?! 
Markers: I did! After our little kerfuffle up North, I decided it was time to be on the WINNING side for once!
Crayons: There really isn’t any low you won’t sink to, is there, Markers?
Markers: (Shrugs smugly) Hey, if it means I will survive, I’ll do it, no matter the costs.
(Squidward and Noseward charge Markers who throws them back with ease) 
Markers: (Chuckles) THAT was your plan? 
Squidward: No, this was. 
(Squidward pulls a small stick with a button on the end out of his pocket, pushes the button, and a cluster bomb he planted on the armor explodes and sends Markers flying backwards)
Markers: (standing up) Okay, now you’re beginning to piss me off. You’re all DEAD. 
(Markers runs at the cultists and launches a wall of fire at them from his flamethrower arm) 
Crayons: Duck! 
Noseward: Whuzzat? 
(Crayons tackles Noseward before the fire hits them)
Noseward: Wait a second, how is there-
Crayons: Don’t think too hard into it. 
Noseward: Okay! 
(Noseward grabs a gun out of his pocket and starts firing at Markers)
Markers: Just DIE already! 
(Markers grabs a boulder, lifts it over his head, and throws it at the trio; they’re unable to get out of the way in time, and the boulder almost crushes them before they’re suddenly in a familiar black void)
Squidward: Did we just… die? 
Crayons: No, I don’t think so. If we died, we wouldn’t be having this conversation right now. 
Squidward: No, no, I know EXACTLY where we are. I’ve been here before.
(Suddenly, a light from above shines onto the Council of Death and Nix)
Nix: Hello again, Squidward. 
Death: I had a hunch you would come back here.
Squidward: DAMNIT, I KNEW IT!
Crayons: Squidward, what is happening?
Squidward: (Sighs) We’re dead, Crayons.
Crayons: Dead..?
Nixon: Bingo, Crayons. All those who die come here.
Death: Messing with forces beyond your control or grasp again, Squidward? Do you ever learn?
Squidward: No, we’re here because we were KILLED. Obviously. 
Death: Let’s just send this delinquent to Hell, and-
Nix: No, Death. I brought all of you here because I have a deal for Squidward. 
Thanatos: You’d dare mess with fate like that? Especially with the most dangerous creature on Earth?
Anubis: I thought you were better than this, Nix.
Nix: I don’t have to explain myself to any of you, but I will anyway. Squidward, Noseward, Crayons, you’re supposed to die here. But I need you three to do me a favor that only you can complete successfully. 
Squidward: Why us? I mean if we get to stay alive, I’m not complaining at all, but why can it ONLY be us? 
Nix: I need you to recruit a version of yourself from another universe into my army. There’s someone coming, someone who’s getting dangerously close to tearing apart the delicate fabric of reality that keeps us all in existence for their own personal gain. 
Squidward: Boy, if I had a nickel for everytime I heard something like that. Who is it? 
Nix: I’m afraid I can’t tell you yet, I just need you to get the other Squidward to agree to help. 
Squidward: And in exchange? 
Shinigami: In exchange she’s saying that you get to live. She’s bending the rules for you three, consider yourselves extremely lucky. 
Nix: But if you don’t fulfill the promise… I’ll go to Earth and kill you myself.
(The entire room is eerily silent)
Nixon: I’m not a crook. 
Anubis: Dude are you trying to meet a quota or something, why do you just say that at random?
Nixon: What do you even do around here, Anubis? Weigh hearts? 
Anubis: Yes, I do. What’s your point? 
Nixon: I don’t have one, I just felt like arguing. 
Nix: Enough, you two. Squidward, Noseward, Crayons, this might tickle a little. 
Noseward: Wait, what? 
(Nix reaches out a shadowy hand and taps each of them on the forehead, then the camera fades to black before fading back in at the original lodge) 
Squidward: So this is what different dimensions look like, huh? 
Crayons: It sorta just looks like home, but I’m sure something’s different. 
(The Initiator appears between the trio) 
Initiator: Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, WOAH. You guys are in the wrong timeline! 
Squidward: What? How could you possibly- I’ve missed you. 
Initiator: Oh I’m sorry, you guys probably don’t know how the whole “alternate timelines” and “different realities” thing works. 
Crayons: Initiator, it’s good to see you again, even if you’re not OUR Initiator. 
(Noseward bear hugs the Initiator)
Initiator: Wow, I’m gonna assume that means I’m dead in your reality. 
Squidward: I’m sorry I didn’t do enough to save you-
Initiator: Whatever happened, I’m sure it wasn’t your fault. I know you all would’ve done your best to save me. 
Crayons: So then, what’s this about the multiverse? 
Initiator: Well it’s really quite simple! When God made existence, he gave conscious beings free will. With that free will, he also made it so that every decision ever made would spawn a new universe. That time you chose to get chocolate ice cream instead of vanilla? You would’ve literally split the universe in two. He made an infinitely expanding multiverse. Pretty smart guy, that God is. 
Crayons: So what, this is a timeline that we broke off from? Some sort of terminated timeline? 
Initiator: Terminated? Well, you’re here, aren’t you? But are you implying that at some point, this timeline is destroyed? I wonder what could’ve caused that. Maybe the war?
Squidward: Okay, I found the branching off point then. So, what timeline is this then?
Initiator: Well, Squidward and the rest are in Neptune’s dungeon; they’ve been there for five years. 
Squidward: Did they not… Well, you know.
Initiator: Know what?
(The Cult all just stare at each other)
Squidward: Satan? 
Initiator: Satan? What’s Satan got to do with this conversation?
Squidward: So, your version of me, DIDN’T summon Satan?
Initiator: What, are you saying YOUR version of Squidward DID summon Satan?
Squidward: I am my version of Squidward. Wait, what?
Crayons: Yeah, that’s how we escaped the dungeon!
(Initiator slaps Squidward)
Initiator: YOU IDIOT! DON’T YOU KNOW WHAT YOU’VE DONE?!
Squidward: Relax! We defeated Satan years ago.
Initiator: Any other big events that I should know about? 
Squidward: We can tell you on the way to Neptune’s dungeon. We need to find, well, me. 
Initiator: And how exactly do you plan to get past all of Neptune’s defenses? And potentially Neptune himself? 
Squidward: Can’t you teleport?
Initiator: Oh yeah! 
Noseward: Let’s just get going, I don’t want to look at the old place anymore. Makes me too sad. 
Initiator: Why? What happened?
Noseward: Doesn’t matter. Can you lead us to the dungeon? 
Initiator: Right this way! 
(We cut to a little while later, the group slows down to take a rest)
Squidward: Wait, why are we walking? Can’t you just teleport us? 
Initiator: You’re absolutely right! Why didn’t I think of that sooner? 
Squidward: I’m not sure-
Initiator: Obviously if I could do that, I would’ve by now! I can’t teleport more than one person at once, them’s the rules. 
Squidward: Well that seems dumb. 
Initiator: Come now, we’re almost there. 
Noseward: Is that it?
(Noseward points to a gigantic cage suspended above a pool of lava, the entire alternate cult is sitting inside of it and dozens of Neptune’s palace guards are patrolling the area around it)
Initiator: No, that’s another Neptune-style prison with our friends inside of it.
Noseward: Really?
(Crayons smacks Noseward on the back of the head)
Crayons: Noseward, use your brain, PLEASE. 
Noseward: How are we going to get in?
Squidward: Well, there’s a lot of guards and only four of us. If Initiator teleports us in, they’ll kill all of us on sight. I think we need to create some sort of diversion, have Initiator teleport in and teleport back out with everyone, then defeat the guards. 
Initiator: Using what weapons? 
(Squidward pulls a sword out from his robes)
Squidward: Did your universe’s Crayons ever make that copy machine? 
Initiator: While back, yeah. 
Squidward: Mind taking him there real quick?
Initiator: I don’t see how this is relevant but alright, if you insist. 
(Initiator and Crayons teleport away)
Noseward: What now?
Squidward: We have to find a diversion! 
Noseward: Maybe we could throw a rock at them? 
Squidward: These guys are Neptune’s elite guards, and you want to throw a rock at them?
Noseward: Hey, if you have a better plan, I’d love to hear it.
(Squidward ponders a bit)
Squidward: (defeated sigh) Alright, find the biggest rock you can.
(Cut to Initiator and Crayons in the ruined remains of the Lodge)
Crayons: Oh, man, this place really was destroyed.
Initiator: Yeah, after this version of the Cult lost the war, the Lodge was destroyed by Neptune’s men.
Crayons: I suppose that makes sense, I’ll go to my lab and try to find the copier. But we’d be lucky if it’s still functional.
(Crayons walks into his old lab and looks around; he stops for a second when he sees a small box labeled “Keepsakes”. He opens it up and pulls out a photo of himself and Markers working on the war machine, and gives a soft smile before reaching into the box and grabbing a homemade battery labeled “First Invention”; he puts both items into his jacket pocket, then retrieves the copier and brings it out to the Initiator)
Initiator: You alright in there? Took you a little while!
Crayons: Yeah, yeah, the place was pretty well damaged, and I wasn’t entirely sure where this other me may have put it. 
Initiator: Well then, let’s get going! 
Crayons: Wait, wouldn’t it be smarter to copy the sword here, then bring what we have back to the prison?
Initiator: I like the way you think, glasses. 
(Cut back to Squidward and Noseward holding handfuls of shark rocks)
Squidward: Alright, throw them on my count. Ready?
Noseward: BANZAI!!!!
(Noseward begins violently throwing rocks at guards; every single rock misses, and suddenly all of the guards begin to make their way toward the pair)
Squidward: I said on my count, Noseward!
Noseward: Sorry, it’s been a LONG day.
(Two guards approach)
Guard 1: Halt! Wait a second, how did you two escape your cage?
Squidward: Oh, I’m not Squidward! I’m his long lost twin brother, Quidward!
Guard 2: Hmmmm, how do we know you’re telling the truth? 
Guard 1: Are you seriously fooled by this? 
Guard 2: You’re always gonna just have to rain on my parade, aren’t you? 
Guard 1: Well maybe if you weren’t constantly high on the job, I’d respect you a little more, Joey! 
Guard 2: C’monnnnnnn Von, we’ll get there when we get there. We can take it at our own pace, it’s okay!
Guard 1: Joey, what the hell are you talking about? 
Guard 3: What are you two morons arguing about?! They got away! 
Guard 1: JOEY JOEY JOEY JOEY JOEY JOEY JOEY!
(Squidward and Noseward are running from the guards when they suddenly bump into the Initiator and Crayons, who have returned with plenty of swords)
Squidward: Grab your Cult and let’s GO!
(Initiator teleports into the cage, wraps his arms around the other versions of Squidward, Noseward, Crayons, and Security, and teleports everyone back out; Squidward stares and Security in disbelief for a little bit)
Security: What are you starting at, uh, Brother Squidward? Wait a minute, what’s going on here?
Initiator: No time to explain! These guys are you from another dimension, brought here for reasons unknown but they wanted to break you guys out! 
Security: That really wasn’t that hard to-
Initiator: Here, take this sword! 
(Initiator hands everyone a sword, and they prepare to fight)
Other Squidward: Wait, how are we going to distinguish on the battlefield who’s who?
Squidward: Well, you guys are sort of from a terminated timeline, right? 
Other Squidward: What the [dolphin noises] is that supposed to mean?
Other Crayons: Wait, timelines? Like, multiverse travel? I thought that was just a myth. I tried tapping into multiversal power several times, and I’ve never succeeded.
Squidward: Trust me, you’re about to find out a lot of things you thought just weren’t possible are very real and very scary. By the way, I’m just gonna call you Terminated followed by your names from here on out. Work for everyone?
Terminated Squidward: Works for me. 
Squidward: Men, let’s fight!
(The Neptunains all swarm the gang as they start fighting. Squidward stabs several guards while Terminated Squidward watches)
Terminated Squidward: Where’d you get those fighting skills?
Squidward: I have been through battles nonstop for the past 5 years. Death doesn’t scare me as it used to.
Terminated Squidward: Wish I could say the same. 
Squidward: Hey, you’re doin’ fine. Keep at it, and you’ll be a strong warrior. But for now, try not to lose your head!
(T. Squidward hears a Neptunian run up behind him and ducks as he swings; he then springs back up and stabs the Guard in his chest)
Squidward: Nice, let’s keep moving! 
(Two guards run up behind Squidward, he dives out of the way but gets suddenly blasted back by a rush of water; Neptune emerges from behind a the wall of water)
Neptune: What exactly is going on here? 
(Neptune looks at the Terminated Squidward, Crayons, and Noseward, then at their counterparts, then at the Initiator)
Neptune: I get the feeling you’re behind this, Initiator. I don’t exactly know what’s going on here, but I’m going to destroy these illusions you’ve created and take the rest of you prisoner once again!
(Neptune points his trident and fires a ray that freezes them all in place; Squidward is able to jump out of the way before getting hit)
Neptune: Ho ho! You’re not an illusion, are you, boy? 
Squidward: I know you probably won’t believe this, but I’m Squidward from another universe. 
Neptune: I don’t have time for this nonsense.
(Neptune fires another way at Squidward, who gets hit this time, freezing him in place; suddenly, a black goo rises from the ground and Nix appears next to Neptune)
Nix: Neptune, stop this roughhousing at once. The entire security of the multiverse is at stake.
Neptune: N-Nix? I haven’t seen you since the time of the Titans! What are you doing back? 
Nix: He tells the truth, nephew. 
(Neptune just stares at Nix)
Neptune: (fearfully) Well then, what will you have me do? 
Nix: Let all of them go. I need them to help fight for something greater than any of us. 
Neptune: What shall I tell the people? 
Nix: Prepare them for war. 
(There’s a flash of light, and suddenly everyone except Neptune and his guards are gone) 
Neptune Guard: Man, when I signed up for this job I didn’t think I’d have to deal with so many otherworldly gods.
(Cut to the gang in the Courthouse of Death)
Nixon: Excellent, excellent. You saved the versions of you from the doomed timeline. Now we can enact our plan! 
Nix: Not yet, we need more troops. We’re building an army, not a summer camp.  
Squidward: Nix, can you explain what’s going on? 
Grim Reaper: No, she can’t. 
Squidward: Why?
Grim Reaper: You aren’t supposed to know yet. 
T. Squidward: Well, what about MY people? We have no damn idea what is going on!
T. Security: And wait, where’s their version of me? 
(A silence penetrates the room as the main Cult look around awkwardly)
T. Security: Hm. Did I go down fighting? 
Squidward: You gave your life to help us escape a pretty bad situation. 
T. Security: Well, I’m sure you guys made my counterpart’s sacrifice count then. 
Squidward: I miss you, our version of you. None of us got to say goodbye, and I’m not entirely sure what to say right now. So maybe I’ll start with a “hello”? 
(Squidward extends a tentacle; T. Security grabs it and shakes it firmly)
Squidward: Allies? 
T. Security: Allies. 
T. Squidward: I agree, whatever’s going on here is way above my paygrade. 
Nix: You’ll all know in time why you’re here. 
(Nix looks at Squidward, Crayons, and Noseward)
Nix: As for YOU three, it’s time to go home. You did exactly what I asked, and for that, I’m grateful. You’ll go back and be safe, you have my word. 
Noseward: What are we supposed to do about Markers? 
Nix: I have confidence that you’ll figure it out. 
(The trio reappears where the episode started)
Markers: Just DIE already! 
(Markers grabs a boulder, lifts it over his head, and throws it at the trio; they quickly jump out of the way, and the boulder breaks into hundreds of pieces against the ground) 
Markers: Oh, you sons of…
Crayons: Guys, I still have some of the swords. Let’s charge him now! 
(The trio charges Markers, swinging their swords at his robot’s legs and knocking him over)
Markers: NO! NO NO NO NO NO! 
(Markers leaps out of his machine and grabs a sword of his own)
Markers: You guys want to do this? LET’S DO THIS! THIS IS LONG OVERDUE!
Crayons: Dude, you sound so stupid. 
(Markers and Crayons engage in a duel, their swords clash in the air and Crayons gets blown back; Squidward pushes Crayons back into the fight, Crayons runs at Markers and slashes his side)
Markers: AGH! YOU PIECE OF [dolphin chirp]!
Crayons: What, can’t take the heat? 
(Markers runs at Crayons and the two clash again)
Noseward: Should we like- intervene? 
Squidward: Let Crayons have this one, man, it’s been a very long time coming. 
(Crayons continues swinging his sword at Markers, who’s barely able to hold him back with his own sword; Crayons swings one more time at Markers and shatters his blade, causing Markers to duck down and stab Crayons in the side with the jagged remains of his sword; Crayons falls to the ground, dropping his sword, bleeding from his side, unable to move; Markers stands above him, panting and bleeding from his mouth, raising his sword in the air when suddenly, red smoke fills the area around the group; Azryth rises from the red cloud)
Azryth: Markers, what are you doing? 
Markers: I’m exacting my REVENGE. This has been LONG OVERDUE.
(Markers grabs Crayons’ sword and swings it at his head, but Azryth catches it and melts it in the palm of his hand; suddenly, without warning, Azryth slashes Markers’ throat with his claws; everyone watches in shock as Markers bleeds)
Markers: (holding his throat) ach-cra-cra- crayons- help-m-me…
(Markers falls to the ground, unable to hold his throat anymore as he blacks out and everyone watches his eyes turn white. Azryth walks over to him as he’s dying) 
Azryth: We had a VERY clear deal, Markers. They’re MINE to kill, not yours, I don’t care about your petty grudge. You were always an ant to me, anyways. 
(Azryth grabs Markers, who is barely clinging on to life, by the head, and suddenly Markers’ body lights up in purple fire as a blue orb leaves his body; Azryth grabs the orb, and swallows it whole)
Azryth: Goodbye, boys. 
(Azryth disappears in a cloud of red smoke, leaving everyone in shock, jaws agape, unable to say anything. The camera zooms in on Markers, who’s lying dead on the ground with his eyes burned out, then the camera zooms into his eyes as it fades to black and the episode ends)
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