Persona 4 Abridged Episode 1 Script

The following is the script for the first episode of Persona 4 Abridged, unedited from its original form. Some content may have been changed.
== Script ==
RUNNING OVER A GUY
Igor: Welcome to the Velvet room. This place
exists between dream and reality. Mind and matter.
Margaret: Just humor him. He'll fall asleep in
about a minute.
Igor: Allow me to read your fortune.
Igor: Ah, this one says... wait... is... is that
the tower? That's the tower, right?
Margaret: Yeah, it's the tower.
Igor: I think it's... probably the tower. And uh
that symbolizes... uh... somethin' about a...
Igor: Let's move onto the moon, shall we? -snore-
EVERY DAY'S GREAT AT YOUR JUNES.
PEACEFUL TRAIN RIDE
Crook: THIS IS A ROBBERY. GET ON THE GROUND AND
REACH FOR THE SKY.
Pasenger: I'm not that flexible!
GUN SHOT
NEXT SHOT OF THE TRAIN IS ON FIRE
Yu: Well I'm lost.
Dojima: I hope you haven't been waiting long.
Yu: What happened to 2:30?
Dojima: So this my daughter Nanako. Isn't she
precious?
Nanako: Um he--
Dojima: I never said you could talk.
SHE HITS HIM.
Dojima: FUCKING
HE HITS HER BACK
SPEEDS OFF
Yu: Aren't you going a little fast?
Dojima: Oh thanks pussy police. I'll write myself
a ticket right away.
Yu: You just ran the light.
Dojima: We're low on gas.
Not Izanami: Wow. You pulled in fast.
DOJIMA STARES
Not Izanami: Hey, what's your name?
Yu: I'm Yu.
Not Izanami: That's not funny, kid.
Yu: Well what's your name?
Not Izanami: We have a strict no-name policy
here.
Yu: Uh.
Not Izanami (whispers): I don't wash this hand.
Yu: (sick noise)
Nanako: Are you alright?
Yu: Yeah, I'm okay. Where'd that guy run off to?
Dojima: Guy? You've been talking to yourself for
a while.
Nanako: Wait, where are we going?
Dojima: It's okay, I'm a cop.
KNOCK ON A DOOR
Resident: Hello?
Dojima: We're comandeering this house. Get out.
Resident: Where are we supposed to--
Dojima: Not my problem.
Dojima: Aw there's no fuckin' beer in the fridge?
They were probably Jehoova's Wtinesses or somethin'.
SHITTY RINGTONE
Dojima: Yeah? Yeah, they only have cough syrup.
Fuckin' weak, am I right? Well I'm gonna to the corner store with Adachi. I'll
be back tomorrow.
Yu: So your dad's a detective, right?
Nanako: I hope so.
Yu: What have I gotten myself int-- -snore-
Izanagi: Sup?
Yu: Am I dreaming?
Izanagi: Probably.
Yu: Can I go back to bed.
Izanagi: I dunno, can you?
Yosuke: HEY NEW KID, CHECK THIS OUT.
HE CRASHES
Yosuke: OH NO THE SQUIRREL'S GOT ME!
Morooka: ALRIGHT SHIT-STAINS. WE GOT A NEW
STUDENT.
YU WRITES HIS NAME IN JAPANESE
Morooka: What the fuck is that? Just fuckin' sit
down.
Chie: Teacher, I think Yosuke's dead.
Yosuke: uuuuuuuuuu
Morooka: GOOD. THE NEW KID CAN TAKE HIS SEAT.
Chie: By the way, I'm Chie.
Morooka: QUIT EYE-FUCKIN' EACHOTHER. THIS IS A
PUBLIC INSTITUTION.
Saki: Last time I checked there was a school
somewhere around here.
Dead body: AAAAAAAAAA
Saki: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
ding dong ding dong
School announcer: THERE'S A FUCKING DEAD BODY
OUTSIDE EVERYBODY PANIC! AAAAAAAAA
FIRE ALARM GOES OFF SHATTERING WINDOW
Chie: So wanna walk home together?
Yu: Shouldn't we uh...
Chie: Happens all the time. This is Yukiko.
Yukiko: Um, hi.
Yosuke: WOW GREAT MOVIE. REALLY LOVED THE SCENE
WITH THE GUY. YOU KNOW THE ONE. GOTTA GO BYE.
Chie: Wait, Yosuke. What the heck is this?!
Yosuke: My DVD player ate the movie so I gave you
a new one instead.
Chie: And what makes you think I wanna watch
Space Chimps?
Yosuke: It made me think of you.
Dojima: Wait, I got an idea. Hey, Adachi! Come
'ere!
Adachi: What is i-- puking noises
Dojima: Never gets old. Wait, what are y-- GET
OFF THE ROOF! THIS IS A CRIME SCENE!
Officer: Hang on, we're just gettin' our
frisbee.NEXT DAY
Yosuke: mumbled noises
Yosuke: NO PUT ME BACK IN, I ALMOST GOT IT.
Yu: Um...
Yosuke: So since you're the new guy and all, I
thought I'd offer you up some delcious grub!
NEXT SCENE
Yosuke: Man, you'll never guess where I found
these! Wait when did you get here?
Chie: I've always been here.
Yu: Wait, found?
TV Announcer: TODAY WE FOUND A FUCKING DEAD BODY
AAAAAAAA
AWKWARD SILENCE
Chie: So anyway, did you hear about the midnight
channel?
Yu: No, I've only been here for two days.
Chie: They say if you look at the TV at midnight,
you'll see your soulmate!
Yu: Wait, who actually bothered to stare at a TV
long enough around midnight to find out?
Yosuke: I think you're overestimating how much
there is to do around here.
Chie: So anyway wanna check it out?
Yu: Nah, that sounds kinda lame.
Yosuke: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Saki: Hey you!
Yu: HOW'D YOU KNOW MY NAME?
Saki: Uh, whose the new kid?
Yosuke: He's Yu.
Saki: No he's not. Well see ya.
Anchor man: So what was seeing a dead body like?
How did it feel against your soft skin? Has the thought of being the next
victim ever crossed your mind?
Saki: Uh, what?
Anchor man: I said were you scared?
Saki: Uh...
News lady: And now back to our regular scheduled
Junes commercials.
Junes commercial: RED BULL MAY GIVE YOU WINGS BUT
JUNES HAS TVS!
Nanako: Every day's great at your Junes!
Yu: Nanako, why is he in a straight jacket?
Nanako: Time for bed!
Yu: No but seriousl-- oh whatever.
Yu: Oh my God why am I actually doing this?
TV ACTUALLY TURNS ON
Yu: Okay seriously WHY AM I DOING THIS?
Dojima: I don't know but keep in quiet up there!
And get me out of this straight jacket!
NEXT SCENE
Yosuke: Dude! Saki's my soulmate! I saw her on
the Midnight Channel!
Chie: Apparently she's my soulmate too.
Yukiko: Yeah, me too.
Yosuke: Think the TV's tryin' to tell you
something?
Chie: Shut up.
Yosuke: No no! I can get into that!
Chie: Oh my God...
Yosuke: So what about you?
Yu: The TV tried to kill me.
Chie: Wait are you... afraid of TVs?
Yu: No, no. My TV actually tried to eat my hand.
Yosuke: Don't worry, Narukame. We'll try to face
your fears together! Lets go to Junes!
AT JUNES
Yosuke: Come on! Just look at it, it's harmless.
Yu: Guys, you don't understand.
Yosuke: I understand completely. Don't worry it's
more afraid of you than you are of it.
Chie: Wait, where's Yukiko?
YU PUTS HIS HAND IN
Yosuke: OH MY GOD THE TV'S TRYING TO EAT HIM!
Mall cops: Hey, what's all that noise?
Chie: Quick, let's cheese it!
Mall security: Wut?
Chie and Yosuke: AAAAAAAAAAA
Chie: Ow!
Yosuke: Ow!
Yu: ow.
Chie: AH THE COP FOLLOWED US IN! RUN!
Chie/Yosuke/Yu: AAAAAAAA
Chie: I think we lost him.
Yu: Oh my God! We're in the TV!
Chie: Brilliant deduct-- Yosuke, what are you
doing?
Yosuke: I'm trying to pee, but I can't
concentrate with Yu standing there! Chie, you can stay.
Chie: Oh my fucking... AAAAAAA
Teddie: AAAAAAAA WHY ARE WE YELLING?
Yosuke: Chie, what's wrong?
Chie: Wait, you can talk?!
Teddie: Of course I can talk. I'm a bear!
Yosuke: Oh that makes-- what?
Teddie: NO TIME. THEY'RE COMING!
SDJFASDKFJMASDKFLMSADLFKMSDLKS HERE TAKE THIS AAAAAAAAA
Yosuke: Why didn't I get a pair?
Chie: Is that seriously the only thing disturbing
you about this situation?
Shadow (whispering): You feel beautiful.
Chie: AAAAAAAA
Yosuke/Chie/Yu: More screaming
SHADOW LICKS CHIE
Yosuke: How did that seriously knock her out?
Yu: How are you not phased by this?
Izanagi: Wanna see a cool trick? Pick a card.
Yu: There's only one.
Izanagi: Makes your decision easy, doesn't it?
YU BREAKS THE CARD
Yu: Ow......
ALL OF THE SHADOWS DIE. WILHELM SCREAM
Izanagi: Well see ya.
Yosuke: Why are you taking your shirt off?
YU SMILES AND IT ENDSCategory:Persona 4 Abridged
Category:P4A Scripts