Patrick's Crying Crisis

Patrick's Crying Crisis is the seventh episode of the first season of The Whatever Show.
==Transcript==
(The episode begins with Patrick eating a tub of paste)
Patrick: La-dee-da, I’m literally eating fucking paste!
(He then gets the paste all over his crotch)
Patrick: WAAAAAAAAAAA-
(Seinfeld intro plays)
Patrick: HEY WHO INVITED SEINFELD HERE?
Seinfeld: Hey
Patrick: WAAAAAAAAAAA-
Seinfeld: This is getting old, bro.
Patrick: WAAAAAAAAAA-
(Seinfeld closes Patrick’s mouth shut)
Seinfeld: Alright, we have to do something about your big fat ass crybaby mouth. I'm tired of hearing this crap every day. I'm tempted to just surgically remove your mouth from your body.
Patrick: Wouldn't that hurt?
Seinfeld: Yes but it'd be very worth it… for us.
Patrick: Us?
(A crowd of angry SpongeBob and fanon characters gathers in front of Patrick)
Patrick: Oh, um, hey guys! Didn't see you there!
Stewie: Why don't you go out and chase cars, you-
Brian: Look who's talking.
Zoltan: Nothing you do can unfuck the tesco turkey.
Patrick: WHY IS IT A TESCO TURKEY? WAAAAAAA
Seinfeld: You're a stupid crybaby, you know that?
Patrick: Yeah I know.
Mummy Pig: Daddy Pig! The children have gone missing!
(Patrick licks his lips as he has finished eating the Pig family’s children)
Daddy Pig: Were they delicious?
Mummy Pig: Daddy Pig!
Patrick: You bet they were! You should eat yourself sometime, it'll be worth every bite.
Mummy Pig: You know pork is haram, Daddy Pig!
Daddy Pig: Sorry, I just can’t help myself!
Kevin Gates: Dear God, answer my goddamn prayers already. I’m tired of this MOTHERFUCKER CRYING ALL THE TIME!
Patrick: WAAAAAA
Kevin Gates: Ayo, this fat dude really got a bad attitude, and we need to straighten that out, dude. N-
Daddy Pig: Hey hey there, Kevin Gates, no n words in this household!
Patrick: I’m fine with it.
Daddy Pig: Patrick! You’re not even black!
Patrick: (changes colors to the Anarcho Primitivism flag) I’m now AlternativeHuman93.
Peppa Pig: Mummy, who is AlternativeHuman93?
Mummy Pig: Oh, some idiot right wing guy on the internet that hates vaccines.
Golfpecks: VACCINES ARE THE ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE!
Mummy Pig: Oh, and that guy too.
Seinfeld: Okay, okay, I think we’re getting way off track here. We need to find a way to stop Patrick from having all these damn tantrums.
Mummy Pig: But how do you stop someone from throwing constant tantrums?
(Seinfeld puts a binky in Patrick’s mouth)
Peppa Pig: Isn’t that my old binky?
Seinfeld: Gotta reuse things for the sake of the environment, Peppa.
Peppa Pig: Teaching the kids more than my show ever did, Seinfeld.
Seinfeld: That is true.
(Patrick starts sucking on the pacifier)
Patrick: Mmm… tastes very binky.
(Badumtss)
Daddy Pig: But does it work, though?
Seinfeld: Let’s see. Patrick, you’re a fucking dumbass.
Patrick: (spits out the binky) WAAAAAA!
Seinfeld: (snaps finger) Damn. Gotta try something else. Anyone got any ideas?
Pedro Pony: How about we just fucking kill him?
Seinfeld: He’s a cartoon character, Pedro, so that’s not an option.
Pedro Pony: EXPLAIN SUZY THEN, HUH?!
Seinfeld: No comment.
George: Dinosaur!
Mummy Pig: Not getting an abortion was a huge mistake.
George: WAAAAAAA
Patrick: Oh my god why is your crying so annoying?!
George: WAAAAAA
Seinfeld: That's exactly what you sound like crying, Patrick! It needs to stop NOW! We've dealt with hundreds of episodes of your bullshit at this point!
Patrick: Alright then.
Seinfeld: Wait really? You're gonna stop right now?
Patrick: Double my allowance.
Director: Fine. (he hands Patrick double his weekly allowance)
Patrick: YAY! (eats the money) I'll put this to good use.
Mummy Pig: Maybe build a time machine so you can go back in time and make me give an abortion?
Patrick: Nah, not really feeling like doing that right now. Let's just end this episode before something bad happens.
Daddy Pig: Something bad happens? Like what?
Golfpecks: I’M CANCELING ALL OF YOU!
Patrick: See what I mean?
Golfpecks: LISTEN HERE YOU LITTLE RE- 
(the episode abruptly ends)
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