Zero Plot Whatsoever: The Movie

Zero Plot Whatsoever: The Movie is a movie written by the brothers two. This was the first movie from Box Movies.
Trailer Here
Second Trailer Here
== Production ==
=== Announcement ===
The movie was announced September 1, 2018 and Purple133 teamed up with CrazySponge to write it. The soundtrack was confirmed to be composed by Purple133.
=== Writing ===
Writing the script for the movie started September 6, 2018. It was finished on October 27, 2018. Then voice actors were hired.
=== Sequel ===
A sequel was announced October 27, 2018.
== Transcript ==
(Box Productions logo and Box Movies logo appears while Purple133 is heard saying “Yes, this movie has a real plot.” A Cobble Productions logo appears. in the background. Dramatic music plays as the movie opens, but transitions into All-Star.)
(Movie opens with a shot of SpongeBob’s house with All-Star in the background, but the camera is slowly zooming in. SpongeBob, Patrick, Shaq, Owlette, and the kids are revealed inside playing a board game.)
Shaq: You know SpongeBob, your kids are great!
SpongeBob: That came out of nowhere.
Shaq: Yeah, I know.
Owlette (Amaya): You know, being 14 and having 4 kids makes school really difficult.
SpongeBob: Yeah why do you still go to Bikini Bottom High anyway?
Amaya: I don’t know.
Patrick: I never went to school.
Shaq: Shocker.
(CrazySponge pops in)
CrazySponge: KIDS?! BUT I THOUGHT I KILLE- eh i’ll kill them again later.
(Logo appears with the “Hey now, you’re an All-Star” part of the song playing at full volume.)
SpongeBob: PATRICK! TURN THAT OFF! IT’S HECCING EARRAPE!
(We hear an earrape version of All-Star)
Patrick:(Turning it off)Sorry.
(Camera zooms out and goes above sea to a framealier looking house. The camera zooms in on a red couch and Jeffy appears.)
Jeffy: Hey daddy, can I go back to Bikini Bottom to meet SpongeBob?
Mario: (sighs) Jeffy how many times do I have to tell you that those girl scout cookies were drugged?
Jeffy: But daddy it was real!
Mario: Whatever I’m gonna go make you green beans.
Jeffy: BUT I HATE GREEN BEANS!!!
(Jeffy flips the couch over and runs into the white couch room where Black Yoshi is eating KFC)
Black Yoshi: Oh hey Jeffis. Want some chickis?
Jeffy: Sure black man!
Black Yoshi: What did you just call me?
Jeffy: Black man.
Black Yoshi: You damn kids in 2018 ain’t got no respects for yours eldis black peepis!
Jeffy: I thought you were 20.
Black Yoshi: Besidis the point!
(Camera goes to SBFW HQ)
Jasbre: Hey guys, I’m going to use up my vacation days that I’ve stored up!
Purple: Well then who’s in charge?
Jasbre: Here, everyone stand in a line and I’ll throw a dart blindfolded. Whoever it hits is in charge.
JCM: That sounds like a horrible idea.
(Jasbre throws the dart and Bot shouts, JASBRE THE HELL?!)
Jasbre: Well it looks like Bot is in charge.
CrazySponge: NOOOOOO! Also don’t ask how I got here so quickly.
FDBackup: How did you get here so quickly?
CrazySponge: DAMN YOU!
Bot: Well since I’m in charge I say that somebody will have to be fired due to budget cuts. Hmmmm, I’ll just throw this dart and whoever it hits is fired!
(Bot throws the dart and the movie transitions to Optimus Prime and Ed Sheeran at a pub throwing darts)
Ed Sheeran: Hey waitress!
Random Waitress: Yes Ed?
Ed Sheeran: Can I get some ketchup?
Random Waitress: Ummm sure?
Optimus Prime: You don’t even have a meal!
Ed Sheeran: Yeah but I ran out of my carry-on ketchup bottle and need a new one.
(SpongeBob and Amaya show up at the pub)
Amaya: Are you sure leaving the kids with Patrick and Shaq was a good idea?
SpongeBob: Yeah, I trust them!
(Movie goes back to SpongeBob’s house where smoke is coming from the kitchen)
Shaq: Patrick! I thought you said you were a cook!
Patrick: About that, I lied.
Shaq: Well these kids keep asking me to make a new General commercial!
Patrick: Than do it!
Shaq: I’ll call my contractor.
(Movie cuts back to the pub)
SpongeBob: You know, I’m starting to think we should be at home.
Amaya: No, even though I’m under age, you guys can just make me appear older!
(SpongeBob and Owlette walk over to the table where Ed Sheeran and Optimus Prime are sitting)
SpongeBob: Quick guys, we either need a cover story or to make Amaya look older!
Optimus Prime: It probably wasn’t a good idea to show up at the pub with a 14 year old you just so happened to be married to.
SpongeBob: Well let’s just try and make her look older!
Amaya: I think I got it covered.
(Movie cuts back to SBFW HQ and somebody screams in pain)
Bot: Hey Lock, YOU’RE FIRED!!! GET OUT OF THE GODDAMN OFFICE YOU SAD EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING.
Purple: Bot that was kind of harsh!
Bot: You know what, just because of that I’m gonna throw a second dart!
(A bag of crack falls out of Bot’s sleeve)
Bot: I SWEAR TO GOD I’M NOT HIGH, DON’T CALL THE COPS!
(Bot throws a dart and somebody else screams)
Bot: Well it looks like Davao is fired too!
Davao: Ah man, I was just got a job two months ago!
Bot: Well sucks to be you!
(Bot picks up the crack and movie transitions to the Chum Bucket where Plankton is thinking up a plan)
Plankton: I need a plan! I need a plot for my evil scheme!
Karen: But isn’t this movie called Zero Plot Whatsoeve-
Plankton: SHUT UP KAREN! Now let me start over…
(Ninja Ninja appears)
Ninja Ninja: So you need an evil plan, eh?
Plankton: How did you know?!
Ninja Ninja: I am a Ninja.
Plankton: Oh. Now what do you have to bring to the table?
Ninja Ninja: We break into the Krusty Krab, Distract Mr. Krabs, and take the formula.
Plankton: That’s the most generic plan i’ve heard...BUT I LOVE IT!! But anyway, how are we gonna make the distraction?
Ninja Ninja: I know someone we can trick.
Plankton: Who?
Ninja Ninja: Well you see, this person wants to ki-
(Movie cuts back to the pub, Amaya walks into the woman’s bathroom and an older woman gives her confused looks)
Amaya: I’m 22!
Random Woman: Right and I’m Infinite.
Amaya: So I have to make myself look older, hmmmm.
(Amaya sees a random pair of combat boots and puts them on)
Amaya: Hope the person using these won’t mind!
(She starts putting a lot of makeup on)
Amaya: I hate this stuff.
Random Woman: Who are you talking too?
Amaya: Oh sorry, nobody.
Random Woman: Wow you must be high.
Amaya: Okay, now for finishing touches!
(She ties her shirt by her waistline and then exposes her boobs a tad bit more)
Amaya: Done!
Random Woman: Should I call a doctor? See if you’re alright?
Amaya: No, I’m fine.
(Amaya walks out into the pub)
Amaya: Hey boys!
SpongeBob: I’m the world’s biggest pedofile!
Amaya: True, but I still love you!
(The Random Woman comes out of the bathroom)
Random Woman:(whispering)I never knew I could do such a good girl act. God, I gotta take this stuff off. I can’t see anything. (She rubs her eyes)
Random Woman: Wait, is that...Owlette? Arrhhh…
Amaya: Huh?
(CrazySponge rips the clothes off.)
CrazySponge: I’M GONNA KILL YOU TO END THIS DAMN STORY!!
Amaya: Oh great…
Zero Plot Whatsoever: The Movie
(It cuts back to Plankton and Ninja Ninja)
Plankton: So that’s our distraction? CrazySponge?
Night Ninja: Well, we’ll trick him into thinking Owlette and kids are there, he’ll destroy the Krusty Krab, Mr Krabs will be distracted by this, and we take the formula.
Plankton: Now it makes sense.
Night Ninja: I just have to get his attention.
(Movie cuts back to SBFW HQ)
Bot: WHERE THE HELL IS CRAZYSPONGE?!
Matchy: I don’t know!
Bot: I WILL FIRE SOMEBODY ELSE IF HE ISN’T HERE IN 3-
(CrazySponge appears)
Bot: Well now nobody’s getting fired!
(Bot notices 9-1-1 dialed on Jack’s phone and throws a shuriken at it)
Jack: THE HELL BOT!
Bot: I DON’T KNOW!
Purple: Hey guys, I’m writing the Zero Plot Whatsoever Movie and I think it’s going good!
Golf: Nobody gives a crap Purple.
Jack: Yeah.
FDBackup: I care!
Purple: Whatever, I’ll just keep writing.
(Cuts to Patrick and Shaq)
Shaq: Patrick, where’s Levi?
Patrick: Oh ummmmm…
Shaq: PATRICK!
Patrick: Some nice man named Crazy said he was gonna take him to get ice cream!
Shaq: Dear lord Patrick. You gave SpongeBob’s kid away to a RAPIST!
Patrick: A what?
Shaq: Never mind. LET’S GO GET HIM!
(Meanwhile… movie cuts to CrazySponge and Levi)
CrazySponge: So uh...what ice cream do you want?
Levi: Strawberry!
CrazySponge: Nah.
CrazySponge: I’ll have one vanilla cone please!
(CrazySponge starts to eat it.)
CrazySponge: Wow, this is good!
Levi: Where’s mine?
CrazySponge: In a black hole. Now let’s take this shortcut down this alleyway.
Levi: Okay!
CrazySponge: (thinking) Should I really kill a kid?...well they are all fake so I guess it doesn’t matter. Now which tool should I use? Ahh! I know! CHAINSAW!!!
(Night Ninja appears all of a sudden)
Night Ninja: Crazy! Amaya’s at the Krusty Krab!
CrazySponge: But what about this one?!
Night Ninja: Leave him.
CrazySponge: It’s a boy?! Eh...anyway...
CrazySponge: Kid! Uh...go home!
Levi: Yeah! I got to go see Uncle Shaq! And Uncle Pat!
CrazySponge: I don’t wanna know this family tree.
(Levi runs home and CrazySponge heads toward the Krusty Krab as the movie cuts back to the pub)
Ed Sheeran: Yo waitress, where’s my ketchup?
Waitress: Oh sorry Mr. Sheeran, it’s right here.
(The waitress hands Ed a bottle of ketchup)
Ed Sheeran: Thanks!
(He starts drinking it)
Amaya: That’s disgusting!
Optimus Prime: I’m robot, but even I think that’s nasty.
Ed Sheeran: Eh, piss off.
Amaya: Yo waitress, an I get a shot of whiskey?
(Amaya kicks her legs up on the table and pulls her skirt down a bit)
Waitress: How old are you?
Amaya: 21! It’s my birthday!
Waitress: Umm okay!
SpongeBob: Amaya, you’re doing great!
Amaya: Thanks babe!
(Amaya kisses SpongeBob and the movie goes back to the SML house where Junior is on the couch with Cody)
Junior: So you have a dimension portal?
Cody: Yep! I just set it up for Bikini Bottom!
Junior: Cool!
(Jeffy runs in)
Jeffy: GIMME THIS SHIT!!!
(Jeffy shoots the gun at himself and gets teleported to Bikini Bottom and Mario sees this and screams)
Mario: CODY!!! WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED TO JEFFY!!!
Cody: He went to Bikini Bottom. Now if you’ll excuse me, I gotta make Ken my bitch.
(Movie goes to the Chum Bucket)
Plankton: So, is the distraction ready?
Night Ninja: Yes. It’s go time.
(An explosion happens at the Krusty Krab)
(Plankton runs towards the Krusty Krab and gets into a new power-armor suit)
Plankton: Let’s go get that formula!
(The two run into the Krusty Krab while Mr. Krabs is distracted and take the formula from the safe)
Plankton: We did it!
Night Ninja: Yeah! We did!
CrazySponge: BRING ME OWLETTE!!!
Mr. Krabs: I don’t know where she is!
CrazySponge: Than say CHEESE!
(CrazySponge pulls a light grenade out and blinds everybody in the Krusty Krab; movie cuts back to the pub where SpongeBob and Amaya are making out in the back when a portal suddenly opens up by Optimus and Ed)
Optimus Prime: What the hell?!
(Jeffy and Junior wander out)
Jeffy: Uh uh uh, we’re in Bikini Bottom now Junior!
Ed Sheeran: Hi Jeffy.
Optimus Prime: Oh, it’s just Jeffy.
Jeffy: Logan wants to burn me alive! I had to escape!
Junior: He did?
(SpongeBob and Amaya go into the gender-neutral bathroom and the group hears Amaya moaning)
Bartender: Well then. Guess it was them tonight.
Ed Sheeran: Good thing the ocean doesn’t have any restrictions on paedophilia!
Optimus Prime: Yeah they do.
Junior: Good thing she looked older than Jeffy!
Jeffy: I’m 14 uh uh uh.
Ed Sheeran: Well, let’s get going.
(Amaya moans more in the bathroom)
Junior: What’s going on in there?
Optimus Prime: Nothing, nothing.
Jeffy: I think that they’re filming ass pounders 4.
(Movie cuts back to the Krusty Krab where CrazySponge is assaulting people while Plankton and Night Ninja get back to the Chum Bucket)
Plankton: Well let’s start making Krabby Patties!
Night Ninja: Mwuahahahahahahhaha
Plankton: Hehehehehehehehehe
Night Ninja: That was your evil laugh?
Plankton: Yes. It’s evil, just like me.
Night Ninja: Well, let’s get to work!
(The two start making Krabby Patties as the movie cuts back to SBFW HQ. Bot throws another dart while he’s high and Golf gets fired)
Jack: Hey Purple, how’s the movie coming?
Purple: I better hurry so I don’t get fired!
(Bot looks around eyeing users)
Bot: I will fire every last of you if you don’t stop slacking off! Now I’m gonna go on vacation!
FDBackup: But Bot, you were put in charge!
(Bot’s face turns red and he starts grumbling)
Purple: Are you feeling okay?
Bot: FD! GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!
FDBackup: Fine! Screw you! You’re a horrible leader!
(Bot throws a desk chair at FDBackup while the movie cuts to Patrick and Shaq minutes before everyone gets back home)home)
Patrick: Well, everyone’s here!
(CrazySponge pops up from behind the sofa)
CrazySponge: HEY BITCHES! I’M GONNA BLOW THIS PLACE SKY HIGH!
(A bunch of cops rush in)
Cop: GET DOWN ON YOUR HANDS AND KNEES WE WILL SHOOT!
Shaq: Who phoned the popo?
(Lucy walks out of her room with her phone)
Lucy: I did. It’s almost like you guys forgot I’m 7 and I can call 9-1-1!
Patrick: Wait, SpongeBob did Amaya when she was seven?!
Lucy: Did?
Cop: YOU ARE UNDER ARREST CRAZYSPONGE!
CrazySponge: YOU’LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!
(CrazySponge runs into a wall)
Shaq: Well hopefully SpongeBob and Amaya won’t see the cops!
(Movie cuts to an outdoor shot of SpongeBob and Amaya driving home and seeing police cars rush from their house)
Amaya: I wonder what that was.
Shaq: Hey guys! How are you?
SpongeBob: Why are you talking like that?
Patrick: NO REASON AT ALL!
Amaya: Well then-
(CrazySponge bursts into the house again)
CrazySponge: SURPRISE SUCKERS
(CrazySponge stabs Amaya)
CrazySponge: YES! FINALL- wait wut
(He notices that Amaya dogged it)
CrazySponge: How?!
Amaya: One reason…
Amay- I mean Sans: (Megalovania plays) I’M ACTUALLY SANS BITCHES-
(TAKE 2)
CrazySponge: YES! FINALLY- wait wut, you’re not Amaya.
Amaya: Oh my god!
Patrick: I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!
SpongeBob: No...no...why did you do it, Shaq?
Shaq: (coughing) I needed...to save...Amaya’s...LIFE! (ded)
SpongeBob: NOOOO!!
CrazySponge: shit it wasn’t amaya I’m gonna try again next time.
(walks away)
Patrick: Wow. Shaq was a good friend.
Amaya: Doesn’t matter, we can revive him later.
SpongeBob: True.
(Movie cuts to Plankton and Night Ninja laughing maniacally)
Plankton: I’m gonna make some Krabby Patties!
Night Ninja: Yeah! But remember, I can rule the WORLD with the formula!
Plankton: Eh say what?
Night Ninja: Come on Plankton, it was really only a matter of time before I betrayed you, took the formula for myself, and became the new world leader!
Plankton: But what about me?
Night Ninja: Already taken care of.
(A squadron of Ninjalinos lower a rope into the Chum Bucket for Night Ninja to grab onto as all of the Chum Bucket’s doors lock)
Plankton: What the hell?!
(Blast chillers situated around the restaurant turn on)
Plankton: Oh God, what are you guys gonna do?
Night Ninja: We’re gonna have someone annoy you till you die…
(The person comes out)
Ninja Nintendo: OI MATE I’M NINJA NINTENDO! DO U HAVE AN NINTENDO SWITCH? BECAUSE I THINK THE VIRTUAL BOY IS BETTER, AND MY FAVORITE GAME ON THAT SYSTEM IS FORTNITE 2!
Plankton: NOOOOOO! AHHHHHHHHHHH!
(They kick both of them out)
Night Ninja: Goodnight, Plankton.
Plankton: Noooooooooo!
(The movie cuts back to SpongeBob’s house)
SpongeBob: Well that was something weird.
(Patrick is chanting something in the background and Shaq comes back to life)
Shaq: Well, I’m on my sixth life!
Amaya: What the hell?
Shaq: You know, everyone has nine lives?
Patrick: Then it’s night night.
SpongeBob: Agreed, then it’s night night.
Amaya: Oh now I get it. Well I’m gonna go back to the bar and drink some shots.
SpongeBob: Have fun!
Shaq: What went wrong in her life.
Patrick: She married SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Hey!
Shaq: Okay, whatever.
(Movie cuts to Ed Sheeran and Optimus Prime driving to SpongeBob’s house when Night Ninja appears in front of them)
Ed Sheeran: Hit the breaks mate!
Optimus Prime: It’s Night Ninja!
(Night Ninja somehow has the Infinity Gauntlet, and uses it to roll down the window)
Ed Sheeran: Holy shit! He has the Infinity Gauntlet!
Night Ninja: That’s right! And guess what?
Optimus Prime: What?
(Night Ninja holds up the Krabby Patty Secret Formula)
Ed Sheeran: How’d you get that?!
Night Ninja: A very carefully executed plan.
Optimus Prime: Well what’s gonna happen to us now?
Night Ninja: Well, I’m just gonna freeze every person in Bikini Bottom except SpongeBob so that I can produce Krabby Patties and rule the world!
Optimus Prime: Why woul-
(Optimus Prime’s leg starts freezing over, camera pans over and Ed Sheeran is already frozen)
Night Ninja: Now you can’t tell anybody my master plan! Mwuhahahahahahaha!
Ed Sheeran: Hey, it’s almost the intermission! You can’t freeze us during the intermission!
Night Ninja: I GOTTA HURRY UP THEN!
(Night Ninja completely freezes the duo over as a minute long intermission slide comes up. The movie picks up at SBFW HQ)
Bot: YOU’RE ALL GONNA GET FIRED! I’M GONNA THROW ANOTHER DART!
Purple: Oh shit, I better hurry up!
Bot: WHAT’S THAT PURPLE? HAVE SOME CRACK OVER THERE DO YA?
(Jack runs and grabs a nightclub and beats Bot with it)
Jack: I’m in charge now.
CrazySponge: Well damn. I’ma gonna go. (disappears)
Jack: WHO WANTS MY FURY?!
(Golf appears)
Matchy: OH HELL NO.
Golf: I’ve had it with these motherfucking users, on this motherfucking wiki!
Dan: why
(Golf Reports Dan)
CrazySponge: ALRIGHT I’VE CAME BACK CAUSE I DON’T LIKE DIS
Golf: o
CrazySponge: NOW THAT IS A TRADEMARK OF BP SO NOW YOUR GONNA GET I-
(SBFW HQ blows up)
Jack: oof
CrazySponge: alright I’ma gonna go make a new hq now. See ya.
(Movie cuts to The Krusty Krab where Mr. Krabs, Squidward, SpongeBob, Patrick, Shaq, The Fifth Doctor, Amaya, Pizza Face and a Teletubbie are watching the news)
Perch Perkins: And in breaking news, Optimus Prime and Ed Sheeran we’re found frozen in their car…
SpongeBob: Oh no! Now Optimus can’t pay me the $80 he owed me!
Amaya: Yeah, and OUR FRIENDS ARE FROZEN.
(SpingeBill appears in a flash of light)
SpingeBill: I’VE COME TO GET REVENG- Wait, this is ten years earlier then I meant to come.
(SpingeBill vanishes)
Squidward: Damn YTP. Anyways, who’s responsible for this?
(Night Ninja arrives)
Night Ninja: I AM! I FROZE YOUR FRIENDS JUST LIKE I’M GOING TO FREEZE YOU!
Patrick: Oh no!
(Everyone ducks behind tables, but Mr. Krabs gets hit)
Mr. Krabs: (starting to freeze) is this Dejá Vú?
Shaq: Well guys, here’s the plan. We get a bunch of people to help us fight and have strength in numbers!
Night Ninja: Ice Ice baby
(Drops ice bomb on the ground and freezes everyone except SpongeBob, Patrick, Amaya, and The Fifth Doctor)
The Fifth Doctor: Nooo that was my favorite Teletubbie!
Night Ninja: Well in that case…
(Night Ninja shatters the Teletubbie)
SpongeBob: HOLY SHIT!
Amaya: Well shit.
Patrick: You’re gonna die for that!
Night Ninja: Well if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to leave and take over the world. Just so you can’t get out, I’m going to lock this door and rig a bomb so if you open it you’ll DIE.
(Night Ninja does what he said he’d do as SpongeBob desperately tries to break out)
SpongeBob: Guys what do we do?!
The Fifth Doctor: Goddammit I left the Tardis outside!
Patrick: The Who-dis?
The Fifth Doctor: Ughhh.
(Jeffy and Junior appear in the doorway)
Junior: We’re here to break you out!
(Jeffy gets hit by a Uber)
Junior: (sarcastically) nooooo.
SpongeBob: Let’s go! Now can you help us?
Junior: Sure!
(Junior pushes open the doors and the bomb is revealed to be fake)
Amaya: Hey guys, who wants to pull a movie cliché where we go to a place far away and train to get better and defeat our enemy?
SpongeBob, Patrick, Junior, and the Fifth Doctor: YES.
(The group travels to the Mushroom Kingdom)
The Fifth Doctor: Are SMG4 and Mario here? We must train!
(A pipe comes out of the ground)
SMG4: Hello there! Are you here for the video because I have a waiting line right over there!
(SMG4 points to a waiting line where hobo Mario is trying to hit Bob)
SpongeBob: No, we’re here to see if you and Mario can train us since our hometown has been overrun by Night Ninja!
SMG4: Oh, I can also help with that.
(Mario pops up)
Mario: I LOVE SPAGHETTI. IF THERE IS SPAGHETTI INVOLVED COUNT ME IN.
SMG4: Mario, you have to get over this obsession.
Mario: The hell did you just say?
SMG4: Anyways, come in and let us train you to fight this Night Ninja!
Mario: And see my PINGAS. :D
(SpongeBob leads everybody inside)
Toad: (staring at Amaya) Hummana Hummana.
(Amaya flashes her wedding ring)
Toad: Well shit.
SpongeBob: Yeah she’s mine!
Patrick: Back off bub, I know JEWJITSU. I CALL THIS ONE THE GAS CHAMBER.
Mario: Hahahahahahaha.
SMG4: Shut up Mario. Anyways, let’s train you!
(A short ‘training’ montage happens)
Mario: I feel better, so much better!
The Fifth Doctor: This didn’t help at all! There was literally no reason in us coming here!
SpongeBob: By the way where’s Junior?
Mario: I killed him.
Amaya: WHAT?!
Mario: Nah just kidding. Bowser killed him!
The Fifth Doctor: So we lost one. Whatever let’s get out of here.
SpongeBob: Wait before we leave can you include me in a video SMG4?
SMG4: Sure, maybe someday (coughs) never.
SpongeBob: What was that?
SMG4: Well you guys better get going!
(SMG4 throws the group out of the castle)
Patrick: Hey SpongeBob, how come half of this movie seems like filler?
SpongeBob: What movie?
(Screen cuts to Night Ninja who has taken over Bikini Bottom)
Night Ninja: I have taken over this city! Nobody can possibly stop me!
(Goku shows up)
Night Ninja: GOKU? YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD!
Goku: I am, but Clifford DeVoe brought me back to life!
Night Ninja: Damn, he’s a good thinker.
Goku: AND NOW I WILL KILL YE!
(Goku gets hit by a plane that’s crashing into the ground)
Night Ninja: Well that was easy. Now time to harness my powers! WALUIGI!
(Waluigi appears)
Waluigi: Yes Night Ninja?
Night Ninja: Can you give me some of your rejection powers?
Waluigi: Sure, I just need to be rejected.
Night Ninja: YOU’LL NEVER BE IN SMASH.
Waluigi: WAHHHHHH!
(An explosion happens as the movie cuts to New Kelp City where SpongeBob, Patrick, Amaya, and The Fifth Doctor are hiding out with Squidward and SquidClone)
Squidward: I still can’t believe you talked us into this.
SquidClone: Well it’s okay, our old home was taken over anyways!
SpongeBob: So how is Roommates going?
Squidward: Cancel-
SquidClone: AS GOOD AS IT CAN CRAZYSPONGE!
Amaya: Isn’t that the guy who’s been trying to murder me and my children?
SquidClone: Yes, but anyways.
SpongeBob: So do you have anything to help us beat Night Ninja?
(SquidClone walks into a closet and pulls something out)
SquidClone: Take these golf clubs, they’ll help!
The Fifth Doctor: OH GOD YOU WANT US TO BEAT HIM TO DEATH?!
SquidClone: That’s a little brutal. No, I want you to strangle him!
Amaya: HOLY SHIT!
SpongeBob: Yeah that’s a bit dark.
SquidClone: Well that’s how life is here in New Kelp City.
Squidward: Now can you guys leave so I can get some beauty rest?
(Movie cuts to SMG4 and Mario)
SMG4: Should we help them out Mario?
Mario: Is the spaghetti involved?
SMG4: No, bu-
Mario: DON’T TOUCH MAH SPAGHET!
SMG4: Whatever, I’ll see if Bob has some spare ninja stars or something.
(Movie cuts back to SpongeBob and crew in Bikini Bottom at the Chum Bucket)
SpongeBob: What do we do now?
(Karen emerges from the bathroom)
Karen: Hey honey, I got sick of you crawling around ins-
(Karen looks around and notices everyone)
Karen: Alright what’s going on?
Amaya: Well the four of us were training to stop Night Ninja, but then got kicked out!
(SMG4, Mario, Bob, Meggy, and Saiko fall into the Chum Bucket)
Patrick: Hey didn’t you guys abandon us?
Saiko: Say what? SMG4 promised us cash!
SMG4: Yeah about that, I kind of dragged us all here to help these heroes fight!
Mario: Wait what? ENGLISH MOTHERF**KER!
SMG4: NO SPAGHETTI FOR YOU!
Mario: Nooooo!
SpongeBob: So what’s the plan?
SMG4: Well I was hoping you could come up with that because I’m dumb.
The Fifth Doctor: Well actually…
SpongeBob: What?
Saiko: Spit it out already!
Bob: Ain’t nobody got time for that!
The Fifth Doctor: So we go to Night Ninja’s fortress and plant a bomb to cause a distraction. We then go in, call the Legends of Tomorrow, and they help us beat up some guards. Then I call Team Flash and Team Arrow, and we kick the crap outta some more guards. We then get the formula, stop Night Ninja, and save Bikini Bottom!
SpongeBob: I LOVE IT!
Mario: ITSO GOOOOOOOOD!
SMG4: Well then, let’s move!
(The group travels to the fortress and we see Amaya and Meggy planting a bomb)
Amaya: Alright, we should probably run now.
Meggy: Why?
Amaya: Well, it’s a bomb.
Meggy: Oh.
BOOM
(The Bomb explodes, but something comes out)
???: AHHHHH!
Meggy: AHHH! IT’S ALIVE!
Amaya: I don’t think this is supposed to happen…
???: DID I KILL ISBSP YET?!
Amaya: Is that-
CrazySponge: Oh did I get transported to the ZPW World again?
Amaya: Wait, are you the version of CrazySponge from SBFW Quest?
CrazySponge: Fun fact, all the CrazySponges are the same CrazySponge.
Amaya: Then why are you here? Why aren’t you killing me?
CrazySponge: You see, after I learned to teleport from Magica De Spell, I was able to go to other dimensions. Your bomb thingy must have corrupted my powers.
Amaya: I don’t get it.
CrazySponge: No one does. Oh yeah I forgot about the killing. (Pulls out knife)
Night Ninja: IS THERE SOMEONE HERE?!
Amaya: Alright Meggy, let’s run!
CrazySponge: NO WAIT!- and they’re gone.
Night Ninja: CRAZYSPONGE?! What brings you here?
CrazySponge: Oh hey! So uh, oh you know, a kick in the ribs.
Night Ninja: I didn’t know you like Ducktale- OW! MY RIBS!
CrazySponge: That’s right, Night Ninja. We’re gonna have a showdown.
Night Ninja: Why?
CrazySponge: Because your from PJ Masks, and that’s what Amaya’s in...so, yeah.
Night Ninja: Oh damn you.
(Screen cuts back to the group)
SpongeBob: They should be back by now.
Saiko: Yeah! I wanna kick some ass! And maybe eat some too.
Mario: Stop it. Get some help.
Patrick: Hey, I see them!
(Amaya and Meggy start shouting for the group to run into the building and attack)
Amaya: We couldn’t phone the Arrowverse heroes, something about copyright infringement. Anyways, let’s go!
(Everyone charges into the building and start fighting Ninjalinos)
Bob: You bitches are gonna pay for what you did to my trash bag!
SpongeBob: What?
Bob: Don’t ask questions.
Mario: I’m about to kick some ass!
Saiko: You should eat mine.
Mario: Excuse me what the hell?
SMG4: Guys look! It’s Night Ninja!
Patrick: Wait this seems too easy and being an idiot I know somethings up.
SpongeBob: Say why happened to Meggy and The Fifth Doctor?
(Night Ninja uses the space stone to reveal the two in a birdcage)
Night Ninja: You can’t stop me! Mwuahahahahahaha-!
CrazySponge: Who are you talking too? Can we just fight now?
SpongeBob: Dammit!
(Night Ninja uses the power stone to destroy a large support pillar)
Bob: Shit.
(The entire fortress crumbles around our heroes, and the screen goes black.)
CrazySponge: I’m still alive, y’know. I’m a god, remember?
Night Ninja: Hey Crazy, I don’t care.
(SpongeBob and everyone emerge from the rubble)
SpongeBob: This ends right here!
Night Ninja: Well actually, let me send you to the Krusty Krab to make this movie lon- I mean so I can confront my boss with this newfound power.
Saiko: Who do you work for?
Night Ninja: You’ll meet him eventually.
SpongeBob: You can’t teleport us aw-
(Night Ninja teleports them to the Krusty Krab)
SMG4: We should have a rap battle!
SpongeBob: YES.
Mario: Copyright is bad.
Patrick: What does copyright mean?
SMG4: Also we have to get our friends back!
Saiko: Hey guys what happened to Bob and Amaya?
SpongeBob: Did that bastard take my WIFE?! I’M. GONNA. WRECK. HIS. ASS.
Saiko: You should wreck mine.
SMG4: Be quiet Saiko and maybe the director/writer of this movie will make something to you.
Saiko: Fine.
SpongeBob: Well let’s think of a cool rap and then FIGHT!
Patrick: I love it!
Mario: Hey guys is now a bad time to mention the angry Krabby patty crazy mob outside?
SpongeBob: No problem I’ll unfreeze Squidward and he can serve them!
(SpongeBob plays Squidward’s clarinet and Squidward thaws out)
Squidward: Was my Roommates counterpart in this movie? Because explaining that to the fans will be hard.
SpongeBob: No problem, just HELP THE CUSTOMERS.
Squidward: Got it.
Mario: Come one guys let’s write this wrap!
(Movie cuts to CrazySponge fighting Night Ninja)
Night Ninja: Do you seriously think you can beat the power of the Infinity Gauntlet?
CrazySponge: Yes!
(CrazySponge pulls the Infinity Gauntlet off of Night Ninja’s arm and then drop kicks him in the jaw)
Night Ninja: Well shit! Now you’ve pissed me off! You can’t beat the power of my hypnosis!
(CrazySponge holds up a pan)
CrazySponge: Try me bitch.
Night Ninja: NEOEOEONWNW
CrazySponge: Are you like, uh, spazzing out or something?
Night Ninja: DAMN THIS WON’T WORK EITHER!
CrazySponge: So like, I have this big glove, so…
(Using the reality stone, he creates a hot girl.)
CrazySponge: Hello there…
Night Ninja: Hello?
CrazySponge: (Tries to talk to her without looking at her tits) So, I heard that, your parents, um, aren’t home tonight.
Hot Girl: *giggles*
CrazySponge: Do you wanna like, go to my place and have some...fun?
Hot Girl: Sure!
Night Ninja: ARE WE GONNA FIGHT OR NOT?!
CrazySponge: Oh yeah, uh, sure.
Night Ninja: Wait is that hot girl your crus-
(CRAZYSPONGE DOES A SUPER MASSIVE KICK INTO HIM USING HIS FIST AND LEGS WHILE HOLDING THE INFINITY GAUNTLET AND USING ALL OF THE GEMS AT THE SAME TIME, WHILE SNAPING HIS FINGERS 99928374 TIMES IN NINJA’S GUTS, WHILE ALSO FAPPING TO HIS CRUS- I MEAN THAT HOT GIRL)
Night Ninja: ow
CrazySponge: Alright, see ya. (Talks to the hot girl) So what’s your name?
Hot Girl: Sophie.
CrazySponge: Ah your gonna be the ZPW version of my real life crush eh? I see you having a big role soon. Anyway since I can’t use your real life name because I don’t have permission from the real one, so we’ll just call you...CSC, or CrazySponge’s Crush, or HG, Hot Girl for short.
(They walk away)
Night Ninja: Good Grief.
Charlie Brown: DID SOMEONE SAY MY CATCHPHRASE? FINALLY I’M IN THIS SHOW AGAIN I HAVEN’T BEEN HERE SINCE EPISODE ONE HUNDRE- (Night Ninja kicks him)
Charlie Brown: SCREW YOUUUU!! (Flys away)
CrazySponge: Well I’m removing myself from this movie byeee.
(Movie cuts back to SpongeBob and friends who are venturing to the ruined fortress)
Mario: So it’s down to me, Saiko, SpongeBob, and Patrick?
SpongeBob: Yeah, Night Ninja’s pack got the rest.
Patrick: Are we there yet?
SpongeBob: Well I can see the flag, which means that Night Ninja’s probably there waiting for us.
Saiko: I want somebody to wait for me.
Mario: They’ll write is eventually Saiko.
SpongeBob: Guys we’re almost there!
(A bunch of Foot-Bots pop up)
Mario: Crap!
Saiko: Where did he even get this tech?
(A Foot-Bot smacks Patrick with the dull end of a sword)
Patrick: Shit! We have to fight!
SpongeBob: Yeah!
(SpongeBob swings off of a pole and takes out a Foot-Bot)
Mario: So glad I brought this gun.
(Mario shoots up a bunch of Foot-Bots)
SpongeBob: Saiko! Give me a boost so I can finish them!
Saiko: Got it!
(Saiko charges a bunch of Foot-Bots)
SpongeBob: Well I guess that works. Patrick! Mario! Let’s move!
Patrick: Okay, when we get there what do we have to do?
Mario: KILL THAT BITCH.
SpongeBob: And save our friends!
Patrick: Eh.
(The group arrives at the entrance to the ruined fort)
Night Ninja: Good evening! Welcome to my LAIR. Mwuahahahahaha.
SpongeBob: Hello Night Ninja, PREPARE TO DIE!
(SpongeBob pulls out a machine gun and rapid fires at Night Ninja, but every bullet is deflected)
Night Ninja: See that’s the problem. You can’t touch me! I am literally unstoppable!
Mario: Well here goes nothing!
(A fight begins)
Patrick: SpongeBob! What do we do!
SpongeBob: I’ll get left, you get right!
(SpongeBob and Patrick collide with each other)
Night Ninja: Fools!
(Night Ninja shoots a beam at Saiko and she explodes into confetti)
Mario: What da hell?
Night Ninja: Reality Stone is great!
(Patrick jumps up behind Night Ninja but Night Ninja closes the Gauntlet and sends Patrick flying into a wall)
Night Ninja: And NOTHING CAN STOP ME NOW!
Plankton: Except me!
Night Ninja: YOU’RE DEAD! YOU’RE DEAD!
(Plankton shoots the gauntlet off of Night Ninja’s arm)
CrazySponge: (stopping time) I know I said I wasn’t gonna be in this movie anymore, but, continuity error right there! Do you guys remember that I TOOK THE GAUNTLET AND NOW OWN IT?! Eh, IDC.
(Unfreezes Time)
Night Ninja: Aw shit.
Plankton: YES!
(Night Ninja shoots Plankton with an AK-47)
SpongeBob: Noooooooooo!
Night Ninja: I didn’t actually kill him! I just paralyzed him!
Plankton: Help me.
(Saiko runs to help Plankton)
Mario: SpongeBob! Patrick! I freed everyone!
(Mario turns to reveal SMG4, Meggy, Bob, Amaya, and The Fifth Doctor)
SMG4: Wait something’s missing.
(X appears)
X: And now for the epic rap battle!
(Music starts playing)
Night Ninja: Yo yo yo, your boi Night Ninja here.
Prep yourself, get into gear.
You guys keep screwing with my plans,
CrazySponge got banned,
And I’m about to kick the can.
SpongeBob: For real? That’s the best you got?
Well I’m sorry, sorry that your mom is a thot.
You keep hurting my friends, which I don’t like,
I’m gonna ask you to take a hike.
Wait stop, that was bad,
Got any other ways I can make you mad?
SMG4: Night Ninja, listen close because this is how it goes.
You’re kinda weird, can’t even pick up hoes.
You have what? Your Ninjalinos?
Even I know that I’m suprimo.
Night Ninja: Well now you’ve gone and done it, and now you’re going to pay.
I’m sick of the shit that you call a channel, I bet you’ve never been laid.
And SpongeBob, at least I’m not a child molester, I mean seriously? Amaya?
Don’t try and act cool because we all know you’re just a liar.
Ninja Nintendo: I’ve only been in one scene of this movie.
So I guess I gotta think of a rhyme now that’s really groovy.
Now if you don’t mind me I’ll go back to playing FORTNITE TWO with Plankton,
I’m sure it’ll be a ton of fun.
Ninja Nintendo: What? Fun does actually rhyme with Plankton.
Grinch: Hey I heard you play Nintendo,
And I know this is a great innuendo,
But have you seen the newest Smash game?
Because I just leaked the roster, and all the fans think it’s a real shame.
SpongeBob: Ok this is getting off-topic.
And in the grand scheme of things, those two previous raps were microscopic.
Come on, team! Let’s defeat Night Ninja,
Here’s a warning, in this last part you might get some nostalgia.
Night Ninja: wat.
SpongeBob: I SUMMON: ALL THE CHARACTERS FROM ZPW THAT ARE FROM THE EARLY SEASONS AND WERE LIKE NEVER SEEN AGAIN!
Captain Obvious: Hey hey, I’m here to say, Night Ninja you’re gonna pay!
You replaced me, I was supposed to be the one,
Now that I’m here you’re totally done!
Steve: Hey what me too! And guess what fool?
With the power of rap and rhyme, you’re sure to have a real bad time!
Sans: Did someone say bad time?
Well I’m about to drop the dime.
Night Ninja, you’re literally FUCKED.
This is kinda sad because you always sucked.
Goku: I know I’m dead, but this is it,
Night Ninja, prepare to get hit!
(Goku goes super sayan and attacks Night Ninja)
Night Ninja: Enough you fools, I’ll use you like tools!
Try and stop me, I’ll get you schooled!
Honestly, you think you can beat me?
You have what? A shit YouTuber and an overgrown sponge?
Ha, I laugh in the face of this embarrassment,
Such a thing should be considered harassment!
I’m going to kill you all anyways,
Have fun I’ll see you in the better days.
SpongeBob: Here we go again, over and over,
I think that you missed the clover.
We’re about to kick your ass so don’t hit me with that sass,
Now listen as my homeboy Charlie drops the bass!
(Charlie Brown appears in a blue cloud and the bass drops; music speeds up)
Charlie Brown: Night Ninja! It’s time for you to pay!
Do you know what my life is like every single day?
I’m surrounded by a bunch of idiots,
Thinking when when when will I not affiliate.
Have a sit down bro, you look pretty steamed,
I guess I would be too if I was never beaned.
Seriously though, I think you have a case of micro-dick,
But I don’t know anybody who would want that pic.
The funny thing is, I’m a kid with cancer,
And yet you can’t even have a comeback that could answer.
I’m pretty sure you were adopted you Halloween costume reject,
But what would I know maybe your parents were forced to accept.
Why don’t you ever take off that mask?
Seriously though, why should I ask.
I think you’re 30, but act like you’re five,
And now this whole stage is alive.
Night Ninja: (collapses to the ground) HOLY SHIT! ENOUGHHHHHHH!
(SpongeBob looks at SMG4 as everyone starting with Steve starts to vanish)
Steve: Mr. Bob, I don’t feel so good.
SpongeBob: SMG4! Let’s overload him with power!
SMG4: Sure thing!
(SMG4 throws The Fifth Doctor an electric cable which he wraps around Night Ninja’s gauntlet)
Night Ninja: And just what do you think you’re doing?
(Night Ninja uses the cable to whip The Fifth Doctor into a wall, but electricity starts surging)
Night Ninja: SO. MUCH. POWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SpongeBob: Shit!
Night Ninja: Thank you SpongeBob!
SMG4: Not so fast! Bob, crank it up!
Bob: Okay as long as we can get this asshat to shut his damn mouth!
(Bob flips a switch)
Night Ninja: Say, something feels weird!
(Night Ninja looks in horror as his leg starts disintegrating)
SpongeBob: Or you can say…”Something Weird”.
Night Ninja: NOOO! NOT THE PUNSSSSS (ded)
SMG4: Well, our work here is done.
SpongeBob: Thank you guys!
Mario: Don’t mention it!
Saiko: Tell your friend Purps to write that sex scene!
Patrick: That’s still weird!
(SMG4 and crew walk into the portal and leave)
SpongeBob: Well guys, let’s go home. Well also we have to unfreeze everyone at the Krusty Krab, Ed Sheeran, Optimus, and more.
(A quick montage of them unfreezing their friends plays)
Patrick: Hey SpongeBob, do you think someone will read this whole script?
SpongeBob: Haha, no.
Amaya: So like, since we’re breaking the fourth wall now, are we gonna have a sequel or not?
Ed Sheeran: We can’t have a sequel!
Amaya: Why?
Optimus Prime: We haven’t had the Stan Lee cameo yet.
Amaya: o
(A van pulls up)
Stan Lee: Hey guys, it’s me! Fucking Stan Lee!
Shaq: HOLY CRAP IT’S THE REAL STAN LEE I NEED AN AUTOGRAPH- (faints)
Ed Sheeran: Alright that’s all the budget we have.
SpongeBob: What do you mean?
Ed Sheeran: We have used up all of this movie’s budget.
(Props and sets start falling down, revealing the studio)
SpongeBob: OH NO! HOW ARE WE GONNA FILM THE NEXT 956,376,189,928,000 PAGES OF THE SCRIPT?!
Unknown: YOU WILL NOT!
SpongeBob: WHO ARE YOU?!
Unknown: I don’t know i haven’t gotten a name yet. BUT I AM SCARY!
SpongeBob: AHHHH!
ZERO PLOT WHATSOEVER THE MOVIE 2: THE REVENGE OF THE MOVIE INDUSTRY
Amaya: Wait, really? That’s how we’re gonna end it?
SpongeBob: Yeah I guess.
Shaq: Wait wait wait, this is great and all but THIS MOVIE HAD A LEGIT PLOT.
Ed Sheeran: Shit! And we forgot to have Trixie Tang!
(Trixie Tang, Sheen, and Carl arrive on a chariot)
Carl: By the power of all that is good, may the WIFI BE BROKEN!
(Carl breaks the WiFi)
Trixie Tang: WELL FUCK, CARL! THAT WIFI WAS THE ONLY BUDGET THAT WAS LEFT!
Sheen: oof
SpongeBob: Yeah, this movie has gone on long enough.
(Black screen and credits play, followed by a mid credits scene at SBFW HQ)
Bot: As you can see, we rebuilt!
CrazySponge: All thanks to me! And only me!
Purple133: Wait, what happened to Jasbre?
Bot: He quit.
(Everyone freaks out)
Jack: So Purps, did you get that movie done?
Purple: Yeah, but I have the sudden urge to write a sex scene between Saiko from Doki Doki Literature Club and Mario Mario.
CrazySponge: Fuck, I wanted to be in that sex scene.
Jack: Well that’s weird, the movie probably sucks anyways.
(More credits play, followed by a post credits scene)
Unknown: Will I ever be featured again? And get a name? And be the villain of something? What do you think, director Purple?    
Purple: Yes, yes you will. All in good time.
(Purple133 spins around in a chair and looks like Thanos)
Unknown: WOAH ARE YOU THE CUBE FROM FORTNITE?!
Purple: HELL FUCKING NO!
(fin)
CrazySponge: I prefer Fortnite 2.
Purple: End this movie already! NOW LET ME DO THIS THINGY I’M DOING IN PEACE!
(also fin)
Mario: Hey there, Saiko.
Saiko: COME ON LET’S FUCK ALREADY
Mario: ok
Saiko: UGHHUHUUG
(Camara zooms out)
Jack: Purple, why did you write this?
Purple: Actually, Crazy did it.
Crazy: WAIT WE CAN’T END THE MOVIE YET I DIDN’T PUT ME IN THE SEX SCENE YET-
(fin,for real.)
== Soundtrack ==
Song Title 	Length
"Chit Chat" 	3:54
"Cold as Ice (Cover)" 	3:18
"Epic Rap Battle!" 	3:24
"Free?" 	4:19
"Got the Grooves and the Moves" 	3:34
"Not Again" 	1:24
"Post Credits" 	2:35
"Whenever There's a Problem" 	5:42
"Who Are You" 	3:00
"Zero Plot Whatsoever: The Movie (Theme)"	4:50
== Reviews ==
When it's out, somebody delete this message and leave a review! (Crazy can't because that would be bias)
Category:Purple133
Category:CrazySponge
Category:Movies
Category:2018 Movies
Category:Transcripts
Category:Movie Transcripts
Category:2018
Category:2018 Transcripts
Category:Comedy
Category:Drama
Category:Zero Plot Whatsoever
Category:2010s