GoatsEraser

In this commercial, Keyz (as Big Jim) sells a new technology in selective amnesia.
== Script ==
Well, hey there folks this is your old pal Big Jim back again with a brand new product from Awful Industries that you're just gonna go bat shit over! 
Have y'all seen the movie "Men in Black"? Course you have everybody's seen that movie once or twice or 74 times. Remember that little do-hickey they used to wipe out someone's memory. They'd set the time, hold thing in front of the person's face, press the button, boom, person's memory's memory's gone just like that. Well, I got bad news for ya. That's just a movie prop. Thing don't actually exist. But after extensive research and development, Awful industries has come up with the next best thing. 
Here's the deal: how many times have you been surfin' on the internet, some guy sends you an instant message with a link, tells you he found some amazing video or picture you just gotta see. So you click the link, next thing that come up on the screen is one of the most vile, disgusting, repulsive things you've ever seen in your fucking life. And no matter how hard you try you can't forget it. You grab a meat mallet out of the kitchen, start beating yourself in the head, end up knocking out memory of the name of everyone in your whole family. That's no good. 
So what can you do? Well folks Awful Industries has answered that question with their latest product...
The GoatsEraser!
The GoatsEraser is light, compact and easy to use. Take it with you wherever you go. Say your at work, someone sends you a link, you click on it, next thing you see is some fat 400-pound fuck, bent over, spreadin' his hairy cheeks so wide you can see the som'bitch's appendix! All you got to do is take out the old GoatsEraser, put it 'long side your head, press the button. Boom! memory gone. Just like you never saw the goddamn thing. Or maybe you are out at one of them internet cafe's typing up a memo, someone sends you an instant message, says it's one of the coolest videos they ever saw. You click the link, video loads up, next thing you know you're watching 2 broads shittin' in a cup and eatin' it and pukin' it back into each others mouths! Aw, jumpin' Jesus H Mother Fucking Christ, you could have gone you whole life never having seen that. Having a hard time forgetting it? Not a problem, pull out the old GoatsEraser, 'long side your head, button. Boom! memory gone, erased, obliterated, wiped out, vanished with out a trace. 
Now you all probably asking, Hey, Big Jim! How's the GoatsEraser work. Well, folks. I ain't no scientist. I'm just a simple redneck gettin' paid to talk fast and sell shit. But let me assure you, the little thing do work. 
So go on out to your local gadget store and pick yourself up the GoatsEraser. It'll be on of the smartest purchases you ever made. That name again is the GoatsEraser. Not for use on children under 6. 
== Notes of Interest ==
*This is the 3rd commercial with the Big Jim character. 
Category:Faux_Commercials