An Awesome Christmas

"An Awesome Christmas" is an episode of Mr. Character's Awesome House. In this episode, Mr. Character made a promise and Patrick made a mistake.
==Transcript==
mXD viewers are warned that this program may contain images and sounds that relate to cryptocurrency and non-fungible tokens
(theme song)
It seems today
That all you see
Is Meme World Movies
And Spongbob stories
But where are those good old fashioned values?
On which we used to rely
LUCKY THERE'S AN AWESOME HOUSE
LUCKY THERE'S A CHARACTER WHO
POSITIVELY CAN DO
ALL THE THINGS THAT MAKE US
Laugh and cry
HE
IS
MR.
CHARACTER
November 1, 2021
(Mr. Character is taking down the Halloween decorations, he finds a skeleton that he doesn’t remember putting there)
Mr. Character: ...what the hell? (he throws it out the window)
Mrs. Character: You’re taking the decorations down already?
Mr. Character: Well yeah, we need to get ready for Christmas.
Mrs. Character: What about Thanksgiving?
Mr. Character: ...get the f*ck out of my house. (Mrs. Character leaves and Mr. Character continues taking down the decorations, he finds a person’s leg) ...I didn’t put this here.
(SpongeBob and Patrick enter)
SpongeBob: Hey, Mr. Character.
Mr. Character: Ah well, if it isn’t Spongette and Patricia. Listen. I want this Christmas to be the best Christmas ever! So I want both of you to make a Christmas list and I will buy everything for you. No rules. I will make sure you get everything you want this Christmas.
SpongeBob: No rules?
Mr. Character: None.
SpongeBob: What if I want everyone to get the vaccine for Christmas?
Mr. Character: ...there is one rule. Other than that rule, (literally says everything again)
SpongeBob: (in his head) Hmm... I can get anything I want for Christmas... This is perfect.
Patrick: (in his head) Hmm... On Christmas Day 2011, I killed a family while drink driving and never went to prison.
Mr. Character: Understand?
SpongeBob: Oh yeah definitely.
Patrick: This will be a lot better than Christmas 2011.
Mr. Character: That's the spirit! Alright while you work on those Christmas lists, I have things to do for the show.
While SpongeBob and Patrick worked on their Christmas lists:
- Mr. Character visited the Meme World Discord Server again.
- Mr. Character ended a zombie apocalypse.
- Mr. Character visited the Meme World Discord Server again.
- Mr. Character ran for president and won the election.
- Mr. Character was forced to resign after he visited the Meme World Discord Server again.
- Mr. Character went to the Meme World Mental Institution.
- Mr. Character visited the Meme World Discord Server again.
He managed to do all of this in one week.
November 8, 2021
(Mr. Character is watching Bob’s Burgers)
Mr. Character: ...wait I don’t even like Bob’s Burgers.
(SpongeBob and Patrick enter)
SpongeBob: Knock knock. It’s SpongeBob.
Patrick: And Patrick.
SpongeBob: We’ve finished our Christmas lists.
Mr. Character: Your... what?
SpongeBob: Our Christmas lists, you said this year you’d give us everything we wanted.
Mr. Character: ...sometimes I say things I don’t really mean-
SpongeBob: I want a brand new TV-
Mr. Character: ...OK that doesn’t sound so hard to find.
SpongeBob: A driving license and a car.
Mr. Character: Well that sounds like something you’d have to do yourself.
SpongeBob: Nope. You said we could get anything we want.
Mr. Character: ...I did say that.
Patrick: I want a pet dragon.
Mr. Character: Now how the f-
SpongeBob: Grand Theft Auto: The Trilogy – The Definitive Edition for Nintendo Switch.
Patrick: 10 more copies of Mario Kart 8 Deluxe.
SpongeBob: An Atari 2600.
Mr. Character: Why?
Patrick: Cool Cat Saves the Kids on DVD.
Mr. Character: That makes slightly more sense.
A few hours later
Patrick: And the last thing on my Christmas list is a new kidney.
Mr. Character: Well, I guess I could make some calls...
SpongeBob: And the last thing on my list is a PlayStation 5.
Mr. Character: ...
(cut to Mr. Character reading the lists)
Mr. Character: How am I going to buy everything on this list?
Mrs. Character: Ooh, are we making our Christmas lists already?
Mr. Character: NO!
Mrs. Character: Oh ok. (walks off)
Mr. Character: Well I guess I could buy the 10 copies of Mario Kart online easily.
November 9, 2021
Delivery person: Here you go. (gives Mr. Character a box)
Mr. Character: Thank you, have a nice day.
Delivery person: No.
Mr. Character: Great. (closes the door and opens the box to see all the copies of 8 deluxe) OK so that’s 1 out of- (checks all the lists again) Why didn’t I just buy all the video games at the same time?
Mrs. Character: Oh by the way, I know you said yesterday you weren’t buying things for Christmas yet but when you start, here’s my list. (gives him another long list and walks off)
(Mr. Character reads the list)
Mr. Character: Yeah I don’t think I’m gonna be able to do this alone. I’m gonna need some help. (goes on his computer and starts looking for people on social media who work at Santa’s Workshop)
November 10, 2021
(the doorbell rings, Mr. Character answers)
Mr. Character: About time you showed up. (gives a gun to what looks like a hitman) She should still be asleep. (he walks through, an elf was also at the door) Ah there you are, Mr. Elf.
(cut to them both in Mr. Character’s room)
Mr. Character: I’m sorry for calling you, I know you work at Santa’s Workshop and the holidays are coming up.
Mr. Elf: It’s fine, I’ll just uhh, take a leave until January 2022.
Mr. Character: Listen Mr. Elf, I need some advice. I did something stupid and accidentally told my friends that I’d buy them everything they wanted for Christmas.
Mr. Elf: That does sound stupid.
Mr. Character: Anyway they actually listened to me and gave me these lists. (gives him all of the Christmas lists)
Mr. Elf: (reading the lists) Well most of this should be pretty easy. I think you can do this without my help.
Mr. Character: Really?
Mr. Elf: Yes, of course.
(cut to Mr. Character wrapping up a car that’s still on the forecourt at a dealership)
Mr. Character: Wait a minute.
(Mr. Character drives the car wrapped up, not being able to see where he’s going)
Mr. Character: I must be almost home.
(the car crashes into a tree and explodes)
(cuts to doctors leaving in the middle of doing an operation on someone, Mr. Character tries to steal his kidney)
Man: HEY!
(they start fighting)
(cut to Mr. Character trying to free a dragon from a cage at a zoo, the dragon attacks Mr. Character and then flies off)
(back to Mr. Elf)
Mr. Elf: OK you can't do it yourself.
(Mr. Character is now in a wheelchair)
Mr. Character: You think?
Mr. Elf: How long are you going to be in the wheelchair for?
Mr. Character: Just a few days.
November 13, 2021
(Mr. Character gets out of bed)
(he makes a coffee)
(he eats breakfast)
(he walks his dog)
(he runs an entire marathon)
(he's in the middle of climbing a mountain)
Mr. Character: WAIT I CAN WALK AGAIN!
(Mr. Character runs back to his room to speak to Mr. Elf)
Mr. Character: Hey Mr. Elf, I can walk again. (Mr. Elf has a dragon with him) WHAT THE HELL!
Mr. Elf: This is Paul. Don't worry, this dragon is house trained. (Paul puts Mr. Dog in his mouth) HEY! HE IS NOT A TOY! YOU SPIT MR. DOG OUT RIGHT NOW! (Paul spits out Mr. Dog) Good boy.
Paul: Woof woof.
Mr. Dog: Woof woof.
Mr. Elf: Don't you just hate it when you can't speak the language.
Mr. Character: How’d you get this dragon?
Mr. Elf: I got it from the animal shelter.
Mr. Character: Oh... I tried to steal one from the zoo.
Mr. Elf: That’s silly, don’t you know that’s against the law? (checks the time on his watch) Oh, we need to leave.
Mr. Character: Wait where are we going?
Mr. Elf: We need to collect one of the presents.
(cut to both of them on a plane)
Mr. Character: Why are we on a plane?
Mr. Elf: You’ll see.
(cut to the pilots)
Co-pilot: Have you seen Home Sweet Home Alone? It released yesterday.
Pilot: ...no.
Co-pilot: Oh.
(Mr. Elf breaks in with a gun)
Mr. Elf: GIVE US THE F*CKING PLANE!
Co-Pilot: WHAT THE F*CK
Pilot: WHO THE F*CK ARE YOU
Mr. Elf: WE’RE HIJACKING THE F*CKING PLANE!
Mr. Character: WHAT THE F*CK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!
(the plane is parked in the awesome house’s backyard, Mr. Character and Mr. Elf leave)
Mr. Elf: Alright now to wrap it up. (starts wrapping the plane up)
Mr. Character: Should we do anything about the people inside?
Mr. Elf: ...
November 15, 2021
Mr. Krabs: Day 15! Give it up for day 15! (floats by as he hits the bell)
(Mr. Elf enters holding a copy of the physical version of the GTA Trilogy)
Mr. Elf: I know it’s not supposed to be coming out for like another month, but I managed to grab a physical copy of the GTA Trilogy for the Switch!
(later that day, Mr. Character and his wife are watching TV)
Mrs. Character: Can you pass the remote?
Mr. Character: Piss off.
Mrs. Character: What?
(SpongeBob enters)
SpongeBob: Hey Mr. Character, I know I said I wanted the GTA Trilogy for the Switch, but it turns out the internet thinks it’s terrible so I don’t want it anymore.
Mr. Character: Oh...
November 16, 2021
Mr. Character: Y’know we should probably start working quicker.
Mr. Elf: True.
(montage music)
(Mr. Character buys new shoes)
Cashier: Why do you need these?
Mr. Character: Woman.
(Mr. Elf buys a heavy duty stapler)
Cashier: Why do you need this?
Mr. Elf: Woman.
(montage of Mr. Character and Mr. Elf swiping credit cards)
(Mr. Character is in a changing room)
Mr. Character: Do I have to try this on?
Employee: We need to make sure it fits you.
Mr. Character: Alright.
(Mr. Character leaves the changing room wearing a princess dress)
Employee: Would these other products interest you? (she holds up a basket full of more products)
Mr. Character: Ugh.
(Mr. Elf is at a store buying loads of adult diapers)
Cashier: Why do you need all of these?
Mr. Elf: Uhh... Why don’t you?
(pause)
Cashier: I’m sorry for confronting you.
(Mr. Character is still at the store, he’s wearing full makeup, a dress, and a handbag)
Employee: Oh my god, you look so pretty.
Mr. Character: I don’t think I do.
Employee: Can we use a photo of you for our adverts? You’ll get paid.
Mr. Character: ...of course!
(Mr. Elf is leaving another store with a big TV while Mr. Character is having his photo taken)
(back at the house the doorbell rings and Mr. Elf answers it)
Delivery person: Here’s your f*cking sh*t a**hole.
Mr. Elf: I agree the weather is lovely today.
(Mr. Character leaves the store)
Mr. Character: Finally that’s over.
(woman runs up to him)
Woman: Hi there, have you been to my store before?
Mr. Character: I have not and am not-
Woman: Great, come with me!
Mr. Character: Uh oh.
(back at the house the doorbell rings again and Mr. Elf answers it)
Delivery person: This is the third time I’ve been to this f*cking cartoon house.
Mr. Elf: Do you think it’s awesome?
Delivery person: No.
(at the other store, the woman is giving Mr. Character a haircut)
Woman: And done.
(Mr. Character now has pink hair)
Mr. Character: How did it get to this point?
(back at the house the doorbell rings yet again and Mr. Elf answers it)
Delivery person: (hands him a DVD of Cool Cat Saves the Kids) STOP ORDERING STUFF!
Mr. Elf: Thank you kind sir, have a lovely rest of your day.
Delivery person: Suck my d*ck.
(in the room there are loads of presents wrapped up)
Mr. Elf: I didn’t even try and I’ve got nearly all of the presents.
(Mr. Character enters)
Mr. Elf: How was your day?
Mr. Character: The worst day of my life, and I fought in the BP vs PI war. (Vietnam flashbacks)
Mr. Elf: Did you buy anything?
Mr. Character: I went in for a dress and left with. (pours loads of things out of a bag)
Mr. Elf: We’re done.
Mr. Character: WHAT?!
Mr. Elf: All of that was on your wife’s list.
Mr. Character: Are we actually done?
Mr. Elf: Well, there’s one thing left on SpongeBob’s list.
Mr. Character: One more thing? That should be easy to get, what is it?
Mr. Elf: A PS5.
Mr. Character: Oh crap.
November 17, 2021
Mr. Elf: Have you bought the PS5 yet?
Mr. Character: I have done nothing and I am all out of ideas.
Mr. Elf: Maybe you should check online to see if anybody’s selling them on eBay.
Mr. Character: ...WOW! I never thought of that, this must be why Santa hired you. Oh my god, you’re so clever.
(they go on eBay)
Mr. Elf: This one person in the UK is selling a PS5 for £649.99.
Mr. Character: That’s a bit expensive, isn’t it?
Mr. Elf: Would you rather disappoint your friend on Christmas?
(literally a cutaway)
Mr. Character: Sorry SpongeBob, I couldn’t get you a PS5.
(SpongeBob pulls out a gun and shoots him)
(back to reality)
Mr. Character: Ugh fine, when will it be delivered?
Mr. Elf: In 5 minutes.
Mr. Character: OK that sounds a bit
Mr. Elf: And I’ve ordered it.
(doorbell rings)
Mr. Elf: OOH IT’S HERE EARLY!
Mr. Character: Uh oh.
(Mr. Elf answers the door, it’s the same delivery guy from earlier)
Delivery person: ...WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS?! (gives him the package)
(Mr. Elf is opening it)
Mr. Elf: And here it is! Our PlayStation Fi-. Oh. Oh it’s not a PS5, it’s a tin of baked beans.
Mr. Character: ... OK. No more eBay sellers. Now what?
Mr. Elf: Well I guess we could go to some online stores and wait for them to have PS5s in stock.
1 hour later
(they’re still waiting for a PS5 to be in stock)
2 hours later
(they’re still waiting for a PS5 to be in stock)
November 18, 2021
(Mr. Character and Mr. Elf have fallen asleep when the computer gets a notification)
Mr. Character: Huh what?
(the PS5 is in stock at the Isle of Wight’s Argos)
Mr. Character: OH MY GOD FINALLY!
(Mr. Character starts swimming to the Isle of Wight)
Mr. Character: I’m gonna make it!
A few hours later
(Mr. Character is standing outside the Isle of Wight Sainsbury’s, which for some reason has an Argos inside it too)
Mr. Character: I DID IT!
(Mr. Character goes inside)
Mr. Character: One PS5, please.
Argos person: A PS5? They ran out a few hours ago.
Mr. Character: ... (starts destroying everything inside)
Argos person: Sorry. You can have a copy of Crazy Chicken Shooter Bundle though.
Mr. Character: (still angry) I will take it.
(back at the house, a few hours later probably, Mr. Character and Patrick are watching the news)
Newsreader: Next Thursday, PlayStation are opening a temporary store called PlayStation Direct, selling PS5s.
(Mr. Character shrieks and runs upstairs)
Newsreader: In other news, as the festive season approaches you might remember the horrible incident in 2011 where a drunk driver killed an entire family on Christmas Day, and never went to prison. We go live to one of our reporters.
Reporter: Thank you sir, I just got off a train with the prime minister, and told him about this horrible story. This is what he had to say.
(interview with the prime minister)
Reporter: What do you have to say about the Christmas Day Crash in 2011.
Prime minister: Last time I cooked was uhhh, LAST NIGHT, and I made... steak and oven chips, which were very good!
Reporter: Are the police still looking for the driver responsible?
Prime minister: It does mean you’re entitled to a beautiful new bloo passport.
(end of interview)
(cut to Patrick)
Patrick: Well at least they don’t know it was me.
Reporter: When asked to comment, the Meme Police told us that they have found new CCTV footage that reveals the driver of the car was a pink starfish.
(back to the newsreader)
Newsreader: Interesting... Speaking of new footage, coming up is leaked footage of last year’s Tory Christmas Raves.
(incredibly high-quality mobile phone footage of a christmas party featuring club mixes of the Kirby 64 soundtrack)
Jacob Rees-Mogg: Dude this beat is sick.
(writer’s note: I believe this is the first time Jacob Rees-Mogg has appeared in SpongeBob fanfiction)
(back to Patrick)
Patrick: Uh oh. I am going to need to start wearing a disguise. (he pulls out a sharpie and starts using it on his skin)
(Mr. Character is in his room looking at the details of the PlayStation Direct drop, SpongeBob opens the door)
Mr. Character: (screams) Oh, it’s you.
SpongeBob: How are you doing with my Christmas presents?
Mr. Character: Uhh, fine. Everything is fine, in fact I’m just getting the last one.
SpongeBob: Good, good, you wouldn’t want to disappoint me.
(Mr. Character imagines SpongeBob shooting at him again)
Mr. Character: Nope. No disappointment.
SpongeBob: OK, good.
(SpongeBob leaves and Patrick walks up to him, his skin is now light blue)
Patrick: Has Mr. Character bought all my presents?
SpongeBob: WHAT THE F*CK
November 19, 2021
(Mr. Character is setting up a chair next to the PlayStation Direct store)
Mr. Character: And now we wait.
November 25, 2021
You might be wondering how Mr. Character managed to survive that long
I don’t know.
(Mr. Character wakes up, there’s a long line and Mr. Character’s chair is no longer at the front)
Mr. Character: Wha- what. WHAT THE HELL?! I WAS AT THE FRONT OF THE LINE!
(Mr. Character pulls out some binoculars that he for some reason packed with him, he notices that a group of people are walking into the store from a different line)
Mr. Character: Who are those people?
Someone: Those are PlayStation Plus subscribers. They've selected a random group of them they think would be interested in a PS5.
Mr. Character: And how long are they going to take?
Someone: 3 hours.
Mr. Character: Son of a bitch.
3 hours later
Stranger: Wait, isn't today Thanksgiving?
Mr. Character: F*ck you.
(man leaves the PlayStation Direct shop)
Man: Alright everyone.
Mr. Character: This is it...
Man: The queue opens in 30 minutes.
Mr. Character: WHAT?!
30 minutes later
Mr. Character: OK, now I'm getting a PS5. (man walks up to him)
Man: Hello sir, you'll be let into our store shortly.
Mr. Character: How long is "shortly"?
Man: Well your estimated wait time is... More than an hour.
Mr. Character: WHAT?!
Man: When you're at the front of the queue you'll hear a chime and be let in.
A few hours later
(a chime goes off)
Mr. Character: Finally! (Mr. Character runs into the store) One PlayStation 5 please. (hands credit card)
Cashier: Do you have your PSN account credentials?
Mr. Character: Of course I have them right- (looks everywhere for them as several people can be seen getting PS5s in the background) Uhh... I GOT IT!
Cashier: Oops, sorry sir we're out of PS5s.
Mr. Character: YOU DIDN'T RESERVE ONE FOR ME?!
Cashier: Get out.
(cut to Mr. Character going into his room)
Mr. Elf: Did you get the PS5?
Mr. Character: NO! I couldn’t find my PSN details and they didn’t reserve a console for me... And I just realized I left my credit card behind... I HAVE NO MONEY AND NO PS5!
Mr. Elf: So what are we going to do now?
Mr. Character: Well, I thought I would lose my money, so I bought all these NFTs. We can just pay using these.
Mr. Elf: I don’t think that’s going to work.
Mr. Character: Oh it will, here let me show you.
(cut to Mr. Character and Mr. Elf eating at a fancy restaurant)
Mr. Character: Wow, that was just OK.
Waiter: Here is your bill sir.
(Mr. Character holds up a picture of a monkey)
Mr. Character: I believe this should cover it.
(security take Mr. Character and Mr. Elf out of the restaurant)
Mr. Character: I really thought that would work.
November 26, 2021
Mr. Elf: Have you made any progress?
Mr. Character: Well I managed to get a job delivering PS5 and Switch consoles and games. So I tried to bring them here, but then I forgot what I was doing, so I sold the consoles to a CeX and bet all the money on horse racing... Well now what do we do?
Mr. Elf: I have one idea.
(Mr. Elf is trying to break the window of a house)
Mr. Character: This doesn’t seem like a good idea.
Mr. Elf: Oh we’ll be fine.
(Mr. Elf breaks the window and they both get inside the house)
Mr. Character: Could you not have bought disguises for us first?
Mr. Elf: (looking through the entertainment unit) Oh we’ll be fine. Ah here it is.
(somebody puts a light on)
Mr. Character: CRAP!
Mr. Elf: Yeah I can’t believe it either, it’s the digital edition. (he turns around to see a cop looking at them both) Oh.
(Mr. Elf and Mr. Character are in court)
Judge: Let’s see: hijacking, burglary, kidnapping, and DANGEROUS DRIVING?! You’re both going to prison.
Mr. Character: NOOOO- Wait, kidnapping?
(cutaway: a cop is in the backyard and notices the plane from earlier)
Cop: What’s this? (he unwraps the plane, opens the door, and a bunch of passengers run out of the plane)
(back to court)
Judge: You’ll both be in prison until the morning of December 24th.
Mr. Character: WAIT THAT’S CHRISTMAS EVE?!
December 24, 2021
(Mr. Character and Mr. Elf are walking home from prison)
Mr. Elf: So prison wasn’t that bad.
Mr. Character: I liked the weekly Jackbox sessions.
(they walk into their room)
Mr. Character: Alright we might have just enough time to get the PS5 now if we work carefully. (all the presents are gone) WHAT?! (calls the police)
Operator: It is me Police.
Mr. Character: WHAT HAPPENED TO THE PRESENTS?!
Operator: Oh yes, the police took them because they were unable to find receipts for them- (Mr. Character hangs up) hello?!
Mr. Character: (to Mr. Elf) THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! IF YOU DIDN’T HAVE THAT STUPID BURGLARY IDEA NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED!
Mr. Elf: I am sorry for getting us both in prison.
Mr. Character: Apology accepted.
Mr. Elf: Well now what do we do?
Mr. Character: I guess I just have to disappoint my friends on Christmas.
(cutaway of SpongeBob shooting Mr. Character plays again)
Mr. Elf: Well... I do have one idea.
That night
(Mr. Character and Mr. Elf are on the roof)
Mr. Character: Mr. Elf what are we doing up here?
Mr. Elf: It’s simple, we just ask Santa to give us the presents directly. Problem solved. I’m sure he’ll trust me.
(they both can hear sleigh bells)
Mr. Elf: Here he comes! (Santa parks his sleigh and reindeer)
(Mr. Character runs up) 
Mr. Character: Hiii Santa...
Santa: What?
Mr. Character: Soooo, I had some problems purchasing Christmas presents for my friends. (hands him the lists) Can you give me all of these like right now?
Santa: ...No. You’re on the naughty list this year.
Mr. Character: I understand that sir, but hopefully we can reach some kind of agreement- (Mr. Elf suddenly appears holding a gun)
Mr. Elf: GIVE US THE F*CKING PRESENTS!
Mr. Character: WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU WORK FOR SANTA!
Santa: No, he does not.
Mr. Character: ...what?
Santa: Well, he used to work for me, until...
December 24, 2020
(at santa’s workshop)
Santa: Alright do you guys all have your masks on?
The Elves: Yes sir!
Mr. Elf: No.
Santa: MR. ELF PUT YOUR MASK ON NOW!
Mr. Elf: No.
Santa: LAST CHANCE!
Mr. Elf: No.
Back to the scene
Santa: So I fired him. If I just give you these presents and you pay me next Christmas will you let me go?
Mr. Character: Yeah that sounds fair.
Mr. Elf: (looking at his gun) You know I’ve only threatened people with this, I don’t actually know how this thing works.
Mr. Character: You’re supposed to shoot people with it.
Mr. Elf: Oh. (shoots Santa in the chest) Like this?
Mr. Character: OH MY GOD! YOU’VE SHOT SANTA!
Mr. Elf: OH! ...oopsies.
(a group of elves show up)
Mr. Character: Is Santa OK?
Elf 1: He is dead. Like Suzy Sheep.
Mr. Elf: Great, now Christmas is ruined.
Mr. Character: You killed a man and that’s your main concern.
Elf 2: He’s right, how are we going to do Christmas without Santa?
The elves: Hmm... (they all look at Mr. Character)
(cut to Mr. Character in Santa’s sleigh, Mr. Character now has a white beard)
Mr. Character: You know I think this beard suits me. I am gonna keep it.
Mr. Elf: Alright, we’ll deliver the presents while you guys deal with Santa’s body.
Mr. Character: That’s a new sentence.
Elf 1: On it. (the elves are drawing on Santa’s body)
(montage)
(Mr. Character is delivering presents to one house, breaks a vase)
Mr. Character: Shoot. (breaks another vase) Crap. (knocks the TV over waking up a cat) Dammit. (leaves the house)
(Mr. Elf is delivering presents to one house, his stomach rumbles)
Mr. Elf: I am getting kinda hungry.
(Mr. Character enters another house)
Mr. Character: (checking his lists) This household isn’t on either list.
(Mr. Elf is making a sandwich instead of delivering the presents)
(Mr. Character enters yet another house, drops off the presents fine, then someone turns on a light)
Mr. Character: It’s not what you think!
Person: ...I believe you.
(Mr. Elf is still at the first house eating a sandwich)
(Mr. Character drops off the presents at the Awesome House)
Mr. Elf: Welp, we’re all done.
Mr. Character: This has been the worst day of my life.
Mr. Elf: (gets ready to go to sleep) Alright. Good night, Mr. Character.
Mr. Character: Good night, Mr. Elf. (they both go to sleep)
(alarms start going off)
(SpongeBob, Partick, and Mrs. Character break into the room)
All: MERRY CHRISTMAS! (Mr. Character and Mr. Elf both scream)
(they all run downstairs)
Mrs. Character: Patrick, why is your skin light blue?
Patrick: It’s a long story.
Mrs. Character: And Mr. Character, what’s with your beard?
Mr. Character: It’s Santa’s beard, do you like it?
Mrs. Character: Ehh…
Mr. Character: Ugh fine. (takes it off)
(SpongeBob unwraps his first present)
SpongeBob: Ooh, my Atari 2600!
(Patrick unwraps his first present)
Patrick: Ooh, my kidney!
(Mrs. Character unwraps her first present)
Mrs. Character: A new oven!
(Patrick unwraps a present that is outside)
Patrick: MY PLANE!
(SpongeBob unwraps another present)
SpongeBob: MY PS5! YOU GOT IT! THANKS MR. CHARACTER!
Mr. Character: Oh, it was easy… (Vietnam flashbacks)
Person on TV: We interrupt Cars 3 to bring you this breaking news flash. A body has just been found in a river. (the cops pull out the body, it’s revealed to be Santa)
(everybody is shocked)
Person on TV: DNA from the scene links the body to these two people. (photos of Mr. Character and Mr. Elf show up on the screen)
Everyone: MR. CHARACTER!
Mr. Character: Oops.
Person on TV: Now, a statement from the prime minister.
Boris Johnson: Good morning, and I’m sorry for disturbing Cars 3 by the way.
SpongeBob: (to Mr. Character) YOU KILLED SANTA?!
Mr. Character: And I would’ve gotten away with it too if it wasn’t for those meddling elves.
Patrick: Wait but who's the other guy? (Mr. Elf appears)
Mr. Elf: It’s me, Mr. Elf, I don’t believe we have met. (shakes hands with all of the cast)
Mr. Character: Well the good news is that nobody knows we did it.
(a cop randomly appears and handcuffs both Mr. Character and Mr. Elf)
Mr. Character: Oh. (the cast exit and watch as both Mr. Character and Mr. Elf gets put in a police van)
Mr. Elf: (heard from a distance) You'll never take me alive coppers.
Patrick: …how did the cop get in the house?
Mrs. Character: I don’t know…
(another cop is looking at them)
Cop: Hmm… (spots a pink spot that Patrick didn’t draw over)
Patrick: At least nobody else is getting arrested this Christmas. (the cast laugh)
(the cop jumps out and handcuffs Patrick)
Cop: YOU’RE UNDER ARREST!
Patrick: What for?
Cop: Suspicion of being involved in the drink driving crash of Christmas 2011.
Patrick: WHAT?! (being taken away) THAT IS RIDICULOUS! I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT! I WILL TELL MY PEOPLE ABOUT THIS, YOU WILL LOOK LIKE A FOOL! I CAN’T AFFORD A LAWYER!
(cuts to shot of Mrs. Character and SpongeBob blankly staring)
Mrs. Character: Merry Christmas everyone.
SpongeBob: Happy holidays.
Mrs. Character: And a happy New Year...
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