Plain and Simple Everytime

Right guys, time for the census. Have you been practising counting? 
Yes Sir.
(Salutes) Another “Yes Sir”, Sir, which makes two “Yes Sirs”, Sir. (Shaking his head) Daft as a brush.
The education won’t let you down. Sort them out.
Right you lot, let’s check equipment. Clipboards?
(All hold up clipboards simultaneously.)
Pencils? (All hold up pencils.)
Now, let’s have a quick practice. What comes after two?
Three.
Correct. What comes after five?
Six.
Correct. 
What comes after eight? 
Please Sir, I know that. It’s tummy ache. 
Tummy ache?
Yes. After I ate loads of fish fingers I had tummy ache.
(Shaking head) Incredible! You know what to do guys.
Get counting. One, two, three, four ...
Clots! Look, just get out and count all the people