Ristar 31.6: Tranlater

Ristar: Man what a great day in new york. This is a true fact of life.
Ristar: You know after going on so many adventures i never would have expected to be able to take a break for once in my life and really take in the sites.
As Ristar enjoys the sights he sees new york in a whole new light. The air smelled of pizza and crime. The streets were crusted with the rich blood of crime and crust. The crust was crusted with crime and crime. The buildings were dampened with the stain of window cleaner and crime. The streets were bustling with the shoutings of vendors and passerbys. As well as crime. The vendors sold various assortment of foods, nicknacks, antiques, and crime. Ristar was never much fond for the food of new york and always appreciated a bowl of oatmeal and gun casings.
Ristar: This place sucks very very bad. Why do I live here?
Harribo: Ah ristar i knew i recognized that star anywhere.
Ristar: Ah my friend Harribo what are you doing on this fine day?
Harribo: Crime now put your hands up!
Ristar: Oh no oh no you cannot commit a crime here thats illegal
Harribo: Oh man you’re right, i’m sorry about that.
Ristar: Ah good now come here.
Harribo: Ah ok here I come.
Ristar: AHA you're under arrest for crime
Harribo: Hey you're not a police officer!
Ristar: Yeah what about it?
Harribo: Well impersonating a police officer is illegal.
Ristar: Wait so what does that mean?
Police officer: That means you're under arrest Ristar!
Ristar: No i can’t be under arrest i have to save the city!
Police officer: Uhuh yeah right and just what are you saving the city from?
Ristar: uh… well you see… There is a giant meteor incoming and I need to stop it before it destroys all of New york!
Police officer: Yeah well i think we can handle ourselves alright buddy time to go to prison with you!
Ristar: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooo
Harribo: Ha another day saved by our brave police officers.
(Meanwhile back at castle ristar)
Radical Red Ristar: Man whats taking Ristar so long with the groceries we’re almost out of golden gay times.
RRR:...
RRR: huh sorta expected something to happen
(the phone rings)
RRR: Ah there it is, (he picks up the phone), Hello?
Ristar: Radical I need you to bail me out of prison.
RRR: Yeah why?
Ristar: The police think that i was the police so they jailed me in the police jail.
RRR: Did you tell them about the meteor?
Ristar: Yes but they didn’t believe me.
RRR: Well that thing keeps getting closer and closer with time and soon i think it's gonna hit faster than we expected.
Ristar: Well if you could bail me out we can repurpose Dark Ristars giant castle laser to blast it out of the sky.
RRR: No i think i can do this one you just lay back and have fun.
Ristar: Have fun? I’m in prison dear god Radical help me i swear to god!
RRR: Don’t forget the milk ok bye *beep*
Ristar: Oh fuck that was my one phone call.
Police officer: Hey it's ok police get one extra phone call.
Ristar: oh thanks (he dials another number)
Dark Ristar: Ring a ding dee it's mestar Dark Ristar.
Ristar: You pick the phone like a jag now i need help
Dark Ristar: And just why would I help you?
Ristar: The meteor and coming.
Dark Ristar: Yeah well am i.
Ristar: oh thank goodness.
Dark Ristar: But not to you HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAH *beep*
Ristar: aw crap.
Police officer: I guess you're gonna be in here a long time.
Ristar: What about my court date?
Police officer: Please we already bribed the judge your screwed
Ristar: Dang again.
*Meanwhile at castle Ristar*
RRR: For once it's my time to shine and now i will save all of new york and prove that uh… something. But first I need to make sure that everything is well prepared. Time to take a look at that meteor. (He peers in the telescope) Yep that thing is getting closer by the second. I guess I better head over to Dark Ristar.
*Meanwhile at Dark Ristars castle*
Dark Ristar: Man today is surprisingly calm. If only i had some overly complicated plot to destroy the world but there is already a meteor heading this way so i guess that’s fine enough.
RRR: Freeze!
Dark Ristar: no
RRR: Yeah ok, anyway, i need your help.
Dark Ristar: no
RRR: What? But why?
Dark Ristar: I’m assuming this is about the meteor and no red menace is going to waltz into my castle and demand help.
RRR: What do you really know about the meteor?
Dark Ristar: What are you getting at?
RRR: Well sit down because this is going to be one heck of a story.
RRR: When the universe was split into two many things happened. The great crystal was reformed, the universe was split but not like this one but like many of the other ones. But also down the seam were numerous planets that were shattered by the bomba bomba. They could never rejoin together and remained barely in a gravitational pull, only on a string trying to join its half. If these planets were ever disturbed they would truely shatter and begin following the pull of the center of the universe. The place the split began. Here earth. When the rift opened time energy began leaking and irradiating the planets, corrupting them over time and filling them with unimaginable power. If the planets were to ever reconnect with each other than time itself will be hit so hard that everything could collapse upon itself and bring about the ruler of time. I dare not speak his name. As the planets began moving towards us they combined with the other planets that were split making an even bigger and bigger meteor until it was too late. And that’s we’re we are now. Mere hours away from the biggest catastrophe in the universe and our only hope is locked in prison. Now I need to use your cannon to destroy the meteor once and for all.
Dark Ristar: How in the hell is the cannon supposed to be able to destroy that entire meteor it's not even that strong.
RRR: It’s not?
Dark Ristar: No its only a rudimentary beam.
RRR: Well then we have even less time than i thought. We need to recalibrate that cannon
Dark Ristar: Be my guest.
RRR: AWK AAGH OUGH what is with this cannon?
Dark Ristar: I told you it's only a simple science beam
RRR: SCIENCE?! Oh no oh no i’m i’m *he dies*
Dark Ristar: Ehehehe foolish Radical Red Ristar. If only you knew who put the planets out of orbit in the first place MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA AWAAHAHAHAHAH FUFUFUFUFUFU FUF FU
*Meanwhile at Prison*
Ristar: Well prison pete i guess we won’t get to know each other much more after this.
Pete: Because one of us will be out of prison?
Ristar: No because we will all be dead
Police officer: Ristar phone call for you
Ristar: Thank you. Hello?
Dark Ristar: Hello my homochromia hetero fiend, its me your best friend Dark Ristar i have to tell you that your friend RRR has failed in his mission to stop the meteor, you have 3 hours before it lands. I hope you're enjoying your freshly cleaned pipes in prison, is Pete treating you well?
Ristar: How do you know about all this?
Dark Ristar: Oh you silly boy, who do you think was the police officer in the first place?
(Ristar looks at the police officer as he takes off his Uniform)
Dark Ristar: Yes it was me Dark Ristar!
Ristar: Well if you're here then how come you're not on the phone?
Dark Ristar: Fool i am the PHONE
(The phone takes off its disguise to reveal Dark Ristar)
Dark Ristar: You see with the time dilation of the planets I was able to create an alternate timeline version of me in this very own timeline! *he moves to Dark Ristar*
Dark Ristar: I like to call him. Darl Ristar!
Ristar: I can’t believe this, so you were the one who moved the planets in the first place!
Dark Ristar: Yes and I easily got rid of your dear couch friend RRR as well. It seems that I will soon have my control over all of time itself soon enough Ristar. It is sad you won’t be able to stop me.
Darl Ristar: Have fun rotting in hell *they exit*
Ristar: Oh dear lord. Have I for once been beaten?
Pete: That’s not the only time *he brandishes a knife*
Ristar: oh no not you too pete!
Pete: Too me yes Ristar you see ever since i was a little boy i was gay and Dark Ristar told me to kill you.
Ristar: Is that it?
Pete: No you didn’t listen
Pete: I used to live in the Chasm before you and your gang of heroes went and ate my dad! I still hold his knife on me to this day to remember him by. I never got over it. I always wanted to defeat you, Ristar to avenge my family and use Time to restore him back to life.
Ristar: yeah that wasn’t me
Pete: What
Ristar: That was Harribo who ate your father and besides you really think a knife is gonna stop me? DOUBLE ARM LONG PUNCH
Pete: AUUUUUUUUGH *he is knocked out*
Ristar: And now i need to escape this prison… Oh but how?
*suddenly a portal opens outside of Ristars cell and Harribo and Barkley the Cornbread Demon appears*
Barkley: Ristar old foe it's time we set aside our differences and fight a common foe.
Ristar: For I thought we were friends. Wow this really puts into perspective our relationship oh my god.
Barkley: Look we don’t have time for that, the multiverse gun i engineered won’t take me to any other dimensions only to this exact one. And I think I know why.
Ristar: It's time to destroy the meteor yeah.
Barkley: What why would a time meteor mess with dimension no no something far greater must be at play.
Ristar: No the meteor will also destroy like dimensions and stuff as well as time Dark Ristar is seeing to that.
Barkley: Well then i guess now all that's left to do is release you from this cell. Harribo if you please.
*Harribo eats the cell wall*
Harribo: Sorry about earlier
Ristar: No its fine...it’s just weird that such a close friend to me would do such a thing. Wait a minute *Ristar pulls off Harribo’s mask revealing Darl Ristar*
Darl Ristar: Damnit! And I would have gotten away with it if it wasn’t for you meddling star and your mangy bread man too! *He disappears in a puff of smoke*
Ristar: Well if he mentioned you then i guess it means your not Dark Ristar
Barkley: Perhaps we are the only people we are able to trust at this point?
Ristar: I never thought i’d say this after recent events but… Shall we save the universe Barkley?
Barkley: Let’s *He opens a portal to the orbit of the meteor and they jump in*
*outside the meteor*
Barkley: I can’t seem to get us any closer. The radiation on that thing is too strong.
Ristar: Oh no, if thats so then how can we even get on the thing?
Barkley: We’d need something of either immense dimension travel or speed.
Ristar: Or like radiation suits?
Barkley: Absurd this is time energy we are dealing with either you cheat or you move faster than time can defy you. No we someone more powerful than I or…
Ristar: Or what?
Barkley: Or we could use the multiverse chalice.
Ristar: No, I have a better idea, I know a guystar.
*Ristar goes to Dark Ristars castle and picks up RRR’s corpse*
Ristar: Here look at this guy he keeps trying to make me believe he isn’t special but his diary folder contains all the diaries i need to know he’s a multidimensional traveler.
Barkley: yes excellent this could work *he mashes RRR into his portal gun*
Ristar: Is that going to work?
Barkley: Let’s hope it works *he opens a portal and they jump into it*
*meanwhile on the Meteor*
Ristar: Aha it did work. Well here we are on the meteor.
Barkley: Well it's only a side of the meteor when they meet is when everything goes to shit.
Ristar: I can see the other side like 20 feet away. It's close enough anyway we need to find Dark Ristar.
Barkley: Oh he’s just over there in the distance.
Ristar: oh.
*Meanwhile by Dark Ristar*
Dark Ristar: It’s only a matter of time now before all of time itself shall be within my grasp Muahahahahaha. Now all I need is my subjects.
Ristar: Stop right there Dark Ristar!
Dark Ristar: Oh there he is the man of the hour well i’m afraid the only thing you can do now is be prepared for the end of everything. Now then why don’t you join your friends? *He pushes a button revealing large vats full of people*
Ristar: oh no Harribo, RRR, Leukemia Larry, Grey Ristar, Repentacle, Science man, Ghost clown, A shard, and an empty one. 
Dark Ristar: Yes my friend for you. Although i didn’t expect to bag another claim
Barkley: Hold on if RRR is there then what did Ristar get?
*RRR removes his costume revealing Darl Ristar as being dead the whole time*
Dark Ristar: Wait but that was supposed to be the other way around!
RRR: That’s too bad Dark Ristar but it seems that the other hand is on the foot
Dark Ristar: That makes no goddamn sense
RRR: Shut up and taste our combined might! Are you ready guys?
Barkley: Indeed!
Ristar: Let’s fuck em up
Dark Ristar: Oh i bet you’re just wishing to enjoy this fight but i wish for you to look at your watches
Ristar: Oh no its 3 hours past last!
Barkley: We are doomed.
Dark Ristar: Yes you are now watch as everything is annihilated before us!
*The meteor crashes into itself causing all of time to distort and collapse in on itself. Everyone finds themself in a large white abyss.*
Dark Ristar: Well everything besides the people on the meteor. Although you seem a little weak there buddy.
Ristar: So much energy… how can one move after being hit by that?
Dark Ristar: It’s simple really i’m gay.
Ristar: I should have known
RRR: I’m sorry guys
Ristar: No it’s fine we’ll find a way
???: So you have arrived
Dark Ristar: Yes after all this time. Or should i say 
Father Time: What do you require of me oh Dark one?
Dark Ristar: What i require is your power!
Father Time: What you can’t just take over all of time I'm god.
Dark Ristar: Then tell me something, do you recognize these people?
Father Time: No it can’t be… The tales once told of the mythical group. But if you have them all here what do you plan on doing?
Dark Ristar: *putting Ristar in a vat* well that's simple Mr.Time. *He turns on a machine* I shall use their energy to power myself up and blast you with the Full.ultra.crazy.killing.incinerator.nega.gieger assimilation.sapping.salvo
Father Time: You wouldn’t dare!
Dark Ristar: Oh.. i would *he fires the beam at Father Time instantly incineratoring him*
Ristar: No i have failed
Dark Ristar: And now with his power i shall-
*The ground shakes*
Dark Ristar: Huh but shouldn’t i have his power? It assimilated did it not?
RRR: You fool you cannot handle such power
Barkley: No even worse, he cannot keep the time flow straight! It’s bending in on itself and self destructing!
Dark Ristar: NO NO ALL MY PLANS EVERYTHING IS FALLING APART. DAMN YOU HETEROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOS
*Time implodes*
Ristar: Man what a great day in New York
Harribo: Oh hey Ristar enjoying some time off?
Ristar: Yeah after my last time defeating Dark Ristar I guess I can finally take a break though.
Harribo: ?
Ristar: My head kind of hurts i kinda forgot what i was doing
Harribo: Oh well things happen don’t they?
Ristar: yeah i'm gonna go to a museum.
The end.
Category:Games