Patrick and Leni's Prison Pals/transcript

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Next Episode: The Patrick & Leni Show Cashes In (Season 2)
== Transcript ==
Episode Aired: October 21, 2023
Episode Copyrighted: 2023
This episode is rated TV-Y7.
The episode begins with a shot of the Bikini Bottom Prison. A banner reads "Take Your Kid to Work Day" and guards are lined up with their kids.
Kid: Prison, prison! I want to see prison!
Patrick Star: *gets in line with a bib and an ice cream cone, which he starts licking*
Bunny Star: *hugs him* I am so happy to get to spend Take Your Child to Work Day with my big boy!
Patrick Star: Stop, Mom! You're embarrassing me. *licks ice cream*
It falls off his cone.
Patrick Star: Aw, I dropped my ice cream down my pants. Huh, oddly refreshing.
Leni Loud: I'll get that for you, Patrick. *tries to wipe the ice cream off from Patrick’s pants but it falls to the ground making Patrick slip*
Patrick Star: *starts slipping and screaming*
Leni Loud: Patrick, I'm coming! *runs behind Patrick*
Patrick Star: *gets hurt by the door* Ow! That hurt!
Leni Loud: I'm so sorry, Patrick!
Patrick Star: But why, Leni? Why did you do that?
Leni Loud: It was an accident!
Bunny Star: *hugs her tighter* Oh, nonsense! *to Patrick, seriously* Now, Patrick, always remember the most important rule of prison. *happily* Have fun! *lets her go, then stands in front of the prison entrance*
As a guard pushes a prisoner in.
Patrick Star: *stands by her*
Bunny Star: Welcome to prison! Have a wonderful time!
Square prisoner: *approaches*
Bunny Star: Oh! Now you turn that frown upside down, mister.
She turns his head around, making him smile.
Square prisoner: Say, maybe prison won't be so bad after all.
The guard pushes him inside.
Patrick Star: Oh, can I be the prison greeter now?
A prison bus pulls up.
Patrick Star: Welcome to prison, bus! Come on in! *gets run over* Gee, Mom, your job is hard. I think I need a break. *stomach grumbles* A bathroom break. *bone breaks* Ow.
A toilet transitions to Patrick walking through the cell blocks. He breaks into one of the cells.
Patrick Star: Whoa, Leni! Oh, now, this is a bathroom!
Leni Loud: It's totes got everything we need...
Patrick Star: *pats toilet*
Leni Loud: ...a toilet,
Patrick Star and Leni Loud: *looks at bed*
Leni Loud: ...a bed...
Patrick Star: *stretches eyes to the higher bed*
Leni Loud: ...and a second bunk-style bed!
Patrick Star and Leni Loud: *sees a prisoner reading a newspaper captioned "Sockeye Sammy Caught!!!" on the bed* A-and my very own-- ooh, Sockeye Sammy?
Sockeye: *puts newspaper down, aggressively* Hey! What gives?
Patrick Star: *high-pitched shriek, jumps off bed* I'm sorry! I didn't know this bathroom was occupied!
Sockeye: *to Leni* This kid thinks this place is the bathroom? *laughs* He must be an idiot. Hmm, maybe a useful idiot. *to Patrick* Hey, kid. Sorry I was so mean before. The bathroom is all yours. *takes off prisoner uniform* You couldn't even have my special bathroom suit.
Patrick Star and Leni Loud: *takes the prisoner uniform*
As Sockeye steals Patrick and Leni's clothes from behind their backs.
Leni Loud: Whoa! Ooh. So much nicer than our normal bathroom suit.
Sockeye rips his head off and puts the prisoner cap on him.
Patrick Star: The horizontal stripes show off my *shakes butt* fulsome roundness.
Sockeye is wearing Patrick's head. He tries to fasten Patrick's shirt on him, but one of the buttons pops off.
Sockeye: Hey, hey, enjoy the bathroom, pal.
Patrick Star: *reads newspaper on the toilet* Way ahead of you, buddy.
Leni Loud: Totes yeah.
Toilet paper transitions to Sockeye, still dressed as Patrick and Leni, about to exit the prison. The parents and their kids are leaving.
Sockeye: Easy. I'll just blend in with the crowd. *giggles and sneaks out*
Guard: Halt! You ain't going nowhere! *takes out a bin of dangerous weapons* Without a souvenir from the confiscated item bin.
Sockeye: *takes an axe* Gee, thanks, mister! *runs outside prison grounds* I'm free--oh!
Bunny Star: *accidentally runs over Sockeye in my car* Oh, Patrick, Leni, it's time to go! *sees Sockeye under the tire* Oh, here you are, Patrick and Leni. This is no time to play roadkill. *puts them in the seat* I'm gonna fix you up some dinner, and you'll feel all better.
The car peels off, creating a cloud of black smoke. Patrick and Leni are in prison.
Leni Loud: I can't believe we're stuck in jail! This is all my fault.
Patrick Star: That's terrible, Leni. I'm gonna talk to the prisoner.
Leni Loud: You are?
Patrick Star: Yeah. I am.
Patrick is talking to a tough prisoner lifting weights.
Patrick Star: Excuse me, ma'am. Can you help me find my mom? I need to get out of here.
Tough prisoner: You hear that, fellas? This guy wants his mommy-wommy to take him home!
Various prisoners laugh at Patrick.
Crocodile prisoner: *pokes Patrick* That uniform means you're stuck here, Jack. You're a prisoner now, like us!
Patrick Star: *stomach grumbles* So that means... *screams* I'm gonna miss dinner! *pounds on door and screams*
Leni Loud: Patrick!
Tough prisoner: You know, we have a cafeteria.
Patrick Star: *eyes go wide, entranced* Show me.
Leni Loud: He’s right, Patrick. We're going to the cafeteria.
In the prison cafeteria, Patrick and Leni are served slop on their trays. The cafeteria worker dumps slop on the head of the next prisoner in line.
Prisoner: *offscreen* Get away from me!
Patrick Star and Leni Loud: *sits between the tough prisoner and the crocodile prisoner, who are eating the same slop*
Patrick Star: Wow, this place is great!
Leni Loud: Yeah! They totes serve an entire meal on a giant metal cracker.
Patrick Star: *swallows tray whole*
Prisoners: *gasps*
Orange prisoner: Did you see that, guys!?
Patrick Star: Oh, that's nothing. I could eat 50 trays.
Stickyfins: *pushes prisoners away* Hey, I bet you can't eat 100 trays.
The prisoners hold out money and clamor.
Leni Loud: *eats food* This is totes delicious!
A tray is served to Patrick, which he eats.
Prisoners: One!
Patrick Star: *eats another tray*
Prisoners: Two!
Patrick is about to eat another tray.
Prisoners: Three!
The camera zooms into Patrick's mouth, transitioning to Bunny driving in front of the Star house.
Bunny Star: Okay, we're home! Just in time for dinner.
Sockeye: Finally. I better make my escape, yeah.
He hears police sirens and ducks as a cop car drives by.
Sockeye: *worries* Yeah, dinner sounds great!
A gourmet tray transitions to Cecil, Sockeye, Squidina, GrandPat, Primula, Leni's parents, Fiona, Miguel, Parker, Angus and Russell at the dinner table.
Russell the Magical Walrus: *eats plate*
Angus Shackleton: Russell, stop eating the plate! Eat your food!
Leni's Dad: What's on the menu tonight, hon-bun?
Bunny Star: *serves covered dish* I figured I'd cook a gourmet treat.
Sockeye: All right!
Bunny Star: *removes the cover to show a boot surrounded by garbage* Boot soufflé with garbage au rotten!
Sockeye: *gags* Actually, I'm not really that hungry.
The family gasps.
Primula the Robot: Oh my.
Cecil Star: Not hungry? *suspicious* Better call the police. An imposter switched places with my son.
Leni’s Mom: And my daughter Leni.
Cecil Star and Leni's Mom: *stares at Sockeye intensely*
Sockeye: *nervously* Oh, wait! My appetite just came back. *eats the boot*
The family laughs.
Cecil Star: I was only kidding, son!
Sockeye: Good one, Dad. *has to vomit and runs to the bathroom*
He opens up the toilet, but it's Tinkle, who roars and scares him. He swallows his vomit and screams.
Tinkle: *chases Sockeye*
As he runs down the hallway, his underwear is exposed.
Sockeye: This place is loco!
He runs into Patrick's room and shuts the door.
Tinkle: *slams into it, making him scream*
Sockeye: *goes up against the time closet* I gotta find a way out of here. *sees time closet* Ha-ha, back door!
He opens it and two alien tentacles grab him. The door closes and the time closet shakes. A tray with slop transitions back to Patrick and Leni in the cafeteria. He eats another tray.
Prisoners: 99!
Crocodile prisoner: *serves Patrick another tray*
Patrick Star: *struggles to fit in my mouth, but swallows it* Ahh!
Prisoners: *celebrates*
As a banner reading "100 Trays!" drops down.
Prisoners: 100!
Leni Loud: *excited, claps my hands* Yay for Patrick!
Stickyfins: *cries* There goes my bail money.
Tough prisoner: Ha-ha, you're an animal, Patrick. Thanks to you, I made so much bread. *takes out loaves of bread* See?
Patrick Star: *eats the bread*
Leni Loud: *eats the bread*
Tough prisoner: Huh? *grabs Patrick's collar* This guys–
Patrick: *gulps*
Tough prisoner: are my new best friend!
The prisoners carry Patrick and Leni into the cell block.
Prisoners: *chants* Patrick! Leni! Patrick! Leni!
Patrick Star: Wow, Mom was right! Prison is fun!
Leni Loud: Yeah, your mom is gonna be so proud of you, Patrick!
Guard: Lights out!
Crocodile prisoner: There goes our fun.
Leni Loud: Guys, why don't we have a slumber party?
Patrick Star: A slumber party?
A pillow transitions to Patrick, Leni and the prisoners wearing pajamas and having a slumber party in Patrick's room, playing board games and pillow fighting. Two inmates pour bricks and brass knuckles into pillows.
Green prisoner: Pillow fight!
He smacks the orange prisoner into the screen, transitioning to an exterior shot of the prison, which goes to the their house at night. It's now the next morning. Sockeye, burning, comes out of the time closet and coughs.
Sockeye: *crawls out* I'm alive! I'm alive!
Squidina Star: *grabs his arm* Patrick! We were supposed to start The Patrick Show five minutes ago!
Parker the Raincloud: There's no time!
Fiona from The Loud House: We have to go!
Miguel from The Loud House: Yeah!
Sockeye: What? You're mistaken. I'm not Patrick. *takes off Patrick's head* See?
Squidina Star: Well, duh. Clearly, Patrick and Leni went to prison and swapped places with a dangerous criminal.
Miguel from The Loud House: But we still need a Patrick and a Star!
Squidina Star: *puts the head back on* The show must go on! *gives him a script* Here's your script.
Sockeye: *reads script* It just says "whoa."
Parker the Raincloud: Exactly.
Sockeye is loaded into a catapult, which Squidina launches him from.
Sockeye: Whoa!
He flies into the nose of a tiki mask and gets spit out, covered in snot. The audience laughs.
Fiona from The Loud House: You're doing great! *puts an apple on him*
Squidina Star: Now let's end this skit with a bang!
Sockeye: Bang?
Squidina is aiming a large cannon at him.
Sockeye: *screams* Get me out of this insane asylum!
He runs away, only to encounter Slappy, who is holding a jar of teeth.
Slappy Laszlo: Patrick, can I extract one of your teeths to complete my shrine?
We see a shot of a paper-mache Patrick sculpture with parts of its body missing, surrounded by pictures and candles.
Sockeye: Ewww! *runs away*
GrandPat Star: *enters* Patrick! *sticks out foot* It's time for my bunion massage!
Bunions: *monstrous voices* Massage us!
Sockeye: *screams* I'm surrounded! *digs underground*
Squidina Star: *comes in with her cannon* Hey, we're not done yet! *kicks cannon and jumps into the hole* Whoop!
A ball and chain transitions to Patrick and Leni sleeping on the ceiling of their cell. The tough prisoner and crocodile prisoner are digging.
Crocodile prisoner: Dig quieter. We don't want the guards to hear us.
Patrick Star: *gasps, angry] GUYS, HOW COULD YOU?
Leni Loud: *excited* Not tell us the prison is made of food!?
Patrick Star: Oh, can I have a spoonful, pretty please, pretty please?
Prisoners: Huh? *chuckles*
Tough prisoner: Sure thing, pal.
Crocodile prisoner: *gives him a spoon* Yeah, go nuts.
Leni Loud: There's nuts in this too!? Patrick, dig up!
He digs up the dirt and eats it. The two prisoners run through the underground tunnel.
Prisoners: Freedom!
Sockeye is digging when his hand gets stuck. The dirt breaks off to show Patrick biting it.
Sockeye: It's you two! The idiots! I'm through with being you. I'd rather be in prison, where it's safe! *switches their clothes back* Adios, kid. *runs off* Jail, sweet jail, here I come!
Leni Loud: Aw, our bathroom suits.
Parker the Raincloud: There you are, actual Patrick and Leni.
Squidina Star: Come on, we've got to finish this skit before the fuse blows. *drags them back onstage*
Yellow stars transition to Patrick on stage, wearing a helmet and facing the cannon. The cannon fires, but when Patrick calls it off, the cannonball stops in mid air.
Patrick Star: Wait a minute! I got something to say!
He hits the cannonball with his stomach.
Squidina Star: Huh? *gets hit by the cannonball*
Patrick Star: Leedles and gentle leedles, I have just returned from a magical place!
Bunny, Cecil, GrandPat Star, Leni's Parents and Angus Shackleton: *looks in through the door* Huh?
Patrick Star: A place full of yummy food, slumber parties, and the best pals a fella could ever ask for.
He pulls the two escaping prisoners out of the hole, then two guards. The prisoners gasp in surprise. The guards chase them around.
Patrick Star: A place where the walls are made of dirt-flavored ice cream, a place called...
The crocodile prisoner is captured by a guard.
Patrick Star: *steps on his head*
Sockeye: *tunnels back into my cell* Prison! *covers hole* Yes, I'm back! I'm finally safe from that crazy Star and Leni family!
Patrick: *on TV* So, my crazy Star and Leni family, what do you say we move into prison right now?
Leni Loud: *on TV* Yeah, right sis?
Leni Loud Jr.: *on TV* Right.
Bunny Star: *on TV* Ooh, it will do wonders for my morning commute.
Sockeye: Wh-wh-what? No! Nooo!
Patrick Star: *on TV* Oh, yeah! We're going to prison!
Leni Loud: *on TV* Prison?! Totes fun!
Star family, Primula the Robot, Parker the Raincloud, Russell the Magical Walrus, Angus Shackleton, Leni family, Miguel and Fiona: *squeezes out of the TV, holding luggage*
Patrick Star: Hiya, roomie!
Sockeye, surprised, breaks in half. Cut to an exterior shot of the prison.
Sockeye: Nooo!
GrandPat Star: *offscreen* Hey, nice bathroom! I call the top bunk!
The episode ends.
Category:Transcripts
Category:The Patrick Star & Leni Loud Show Episodes
Category:The Patrick Star & Leni Loud Show Season 1 Transcripts