The Bloodied Hands Arena/Alan Hamond vs Jokes the Skunk: Alternate Swap Battle

== Prelude ==
Alan walks towards the entrance to the arena as his friends make final checks
Dria: Are you sure you want to do this? What if you get hurt, or worse?!
Alan: The signup sheet said all injuries would be healed after the battle, and that death was included under it. I’ll be fine.
Srish: Do you even know what you’re getting into?
Alan: I signed up to the Alternate Swap battle type, where all powers and weapons swap. So far, I’ve just felt weird. Not a bad weird, but weird. As for my opponent… i wasn’t told.
Silence: You’ve got this
Alan: Thanks.
Alan’s friends then head for the stands as Alan enters the arena.
Jokes: hello
Alan: Well, hello there. So you DO understand how this battle works, right?
Jokes: remind me, why don't you
Alan: This is the Alternate Swap League, where all participants swap weapons and powers. Which means, i've got whatever you have, and you have my weapons. Now then, let's go!
== Battle ==
Alan circles Jokes, seeing just what he intended to do. 
Jokes starts to pose like a model as Alan circles him.
Alan: (Ok so what exactly will i do? I have whatever powers he's got, but he has my Lightcutter Claws. Silence said he's near invincible, but the rules state that invincibility is banned, so i can't rely on that. However durable i am right now, that means nothing if i can't strike back!)
(just making sure this is clear but Jokes can be harmed and knocked out, just not killed)
Alan then stands still, in a attempt to get Jokes to make a move.
Jokes then throws a fake punch clearly not meant to actually hurt.
Alan's body stretches away from the punch, before reforming. Because of shock and recoil, Alan stumbled backwards.
Alan: (What the heck was that? Either way, does Jokes not know how to work my Wispon, or just hasn't used it yet? I've got to figure out a way to actually attack.)
Jokes: let me help you out.
Alan: Huh? Wha-?
Jokes: do you have pockets?
Alan: Well yes, but-(What is this up my sleeve?)
Alan then pulls out a real, but surprisingly light sword out of his sleeve.
Alan: Wha- How does that even fit in there? No matter i guess, Try this!
Alan then slices at Jokes with this sword.
jokes catches the sword with ease.
Jokes: nice try, but you've got to be smart to sneak attack me.
Alan: Bro, first off, how did you catch that, and second, that was no sneak attack!
Alan then spins with the sword, eventually going fast enough to throw Jokes off.
Alan: This might go better with two swords.
Alan then feels something up his other sleeve, and pulls out a copy of the sword he already had.
Alan: Ok, now i'm getting the hang of it!
Alan then swings one blade like he did last time, intending to slash Jokes with the second if he catches it.
jokes then dodges both
Jokes: do you know the definition of smart?
Alan: Well no, but i do now know that you can take stuff seriously. Hang on, i've gotta test something.
Alan then stirs up a cartoonish dust cloud as many weird sounds can be heard, before revealing his swords again.
jokes then runs toward him with an "i know what i'm doing" look.
Alan: Disappointing.
Alan then presses a button, opening the blade up to reveal a laser cannon, which then fires a powerful laser. He then looks behind himself.
jokes then trips and accidentally avoids the laser.
Alan drops one of his swords as a whirling hammer flies at him. Alan grabs the hammer, with the momentum spinning Alan around a few times, before releasing it, sending it directly at Jokes.
jokes catches the hammer
Jokes: oh-ho-ho, now it's a party
Alan smiles as the hammer detonates, before picking the blade back up and modifying it once more into a overdesigned laser cannon, before firing it.
Jokes outruns the laser and cleans one of the steel walls, causing the laser to reflect.
Alan ducks under the laser, and once it's finished, he gets back up.
Alan: I see your point. These steel walls aren't all that helpful for my lasers. Which is why-
Alan then presses the sides of his swords, turning them into pistols.
Alan: -I'm gonna use generic guns instead!
Alan then fires the guns at Jokes.
Jokes: Alright, it's gamer time
jokes runs towards Alan.
An anvil then falls on Jokes's head.
Alan: Booyah! Cartoon logic is my friend now!
jokes lifts the anvil
Jokes: and also the bad luck
Alan: What are you on about?
Alan then modifies his guns to fire perfect homing rockets, and fires at Jokes again.
Jokes: you see, i'm a jinx, and now you've got it.
With Jokes standing still and talking about luck, the missiles hit him straight on.
it turned out to be a fake
Jokes: I should expect your luck to turn right now
Alan tosses away the guns as they explode, before pulling out some claws.
Alan: The less explosive stuff i use, the less likely things won't work!
Alan then charges in, slashing with the claws.
jokes uses his real claws to stop him
Jokes: say, remember that anvil from earlier?
Alan jumps backwards, dodging the anvil, then uses the sand blast to get behind Jokes and slash him.
jokes pulls his cap over his body to block the attack.
Jokes: wait, check your tongue.
Alan: How do you still have your cap? And how is it armor?
Alan then grabs out a hammer and bashes Jokes with it many times, to make SURE it's functional. It was.
jokes sticks out his tongue revealing that it has red and orange stripes
Jokes:so my tongue is still the same
Alan: The fudge does a tongue have to do with anything?
Alan then takes that stupid cap and tears it to ribbons, before checking for ANYthing that could get in his way before stepping back.
jokes then punches Alan in the leg strongly enough to break it
Thanks to comedy, Alan's leg is just knocked out from under him.
Alan: OW! Where the heck do you get that kind of power?! I don't have that strength!
Alan then jumps up and starts throwing a bunch of grenades, hoping they're real, but prepared for if they're duds, and then puts up a convenient blast shield to protect against... something, ANYTHING.
Jokes knocks back every grenade, then runs over to look into Alan's sleeve.
Alan just stabs the skunk in the back with the claws he still has, then throws him away before he can find anything in there. He then pulls a scythe out of his sleeve. 
Alan: What exactly did you think would happen?
jokes grins, revealing a soda can
Jokes: i thought i was gonna win.
Alan: Hmm, let's see. My best guess is either you'll shake that and it'll become a grenade, or you just wanted a drink.
Alan then does a finger gun, which actually works and detonates the pre-shaken soda can.
Jokes: this was fun, we should meet in more forgiving conditions
jokes then does three cartwheels in the air and lands head first.
Jokes: game over.
Alan: That's where you're wrong kid.
Alan then uses the cartoon dust cloud again, but after it's done, a sandcastle is revealed.
Alan: Check this!
Alan then fires a wet sand cannonball out of a sand cannon.
(Just to be clear, is this Alan still fighting)
(Yes of course, he's just getting into the swing of comedy based powers.)
(Ok)
jokes tail acts as a spring and launches the sand back
The sand cannonball fades away before it hits.
Alan: Excuse me, Ref? How the heck can he do that with no powerset? Some simple tail can't do that. Eh, either way.
Alan then shoots Jokes properly with the finger gun, before jumping down and going at him with the scythe.
a soda can falls out of Jokes tail
Jokes: thank you Lady
Jokes drinks the soda and gets up
Alan: Uh... huh.
Alan then slashes Jokes's neck with the scythe and the claws.
jokes dodges both by less than a millimeter
Jokes: not again
jokes then runs circles around Alan, throwing punches, kicks, and other types of physical attacks.
Alan is also barely dodging every blow with the power of cartoon logic.\
Alan: What kinda drug are you on?
Now in real danger, the bad luck that come with the cartoon powers fade, granting Alan complete freedom.
Alan: I feel... like i can actually start fighting!
As Jokes comes at him, Alan jumps back super far, stretching even the limits of cartoon logic, before deleting the scythe and pulling out one of those omni-weapons as well as a spring shield in the high chance Jokes manages to skip logic and get to him, then firing the omni-weapon.
jokes is far out of range
Jokes:I'm over here
Alan: (This man always does the unexpected.) 
Alan then retunes the range limit to none, and just fires at Jokes again, hoping to keep him out of range until whatever he was on wears off, but keeping a tight grip of his Spring-shield in the case he goes for attacks. He also backs against the wall, so that Jokes couldn't attack from behind.
jokes then speeds around the arena fast enough to seem like there are two of him, saying taunting quotes the whole time.
Alan starts placing Eggman springs around himself to prevent Jokes from getting close if he decides to, while keeping a eye on both of them. He quickly finishes and goes back to trying to destroy them.
Jokes uses the springs to his advantage and uses them to launch towards him.
Alan blocks Jokes with his Spring-shield, bouncing him away, then fires his weapon in a attempt to destroy him.
Alan: Gotta say, i'm impressed you got Eggman springs to work for you. I thought they were built to work against anyone who touched the- Huh, ok then.
Speakers: Alright, alright, enough of this.
Alan: Eh?
Speakers: It's clear that this fight will not result in timely victory by either side, and so this match will be declared a tie.
Srish: Oh come on!
Dria: Huh. 
== Post- Battle ==
Alan: Well that was something. I don't think that skunk even brought the Lightcutter Claws into the arena.
As he was speaking, the Lightcutter Claws reappeared on Alan's hands.
Alan: Speak of the devil.
Dria: Well, now that that's done, what do you wanna do now?
Alan: I actually don't know.
Silence: Video games, now!
Alan: Alright, alright.
The second they were in the Dimensional Hub though, Team Dragoon was dragged into a portal, by a entity more powerful than any they'd seen before which took the form of a simple scribble, who created for them a game far larger than they had ever expected.
The End.
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