George Wood

thumb|right|335 px|This guy is still active. I know it's insulting, but it's the truth.
"You know how we love lame humor."
--The essence of George Wood.
George Wood was a video game reviewer, who is known for his often impractical reviews, and cringe-worthy comments. He is a founder and CEO of NAViGaTR (National Academy of Video Game Trade Reviewers).
==NAViGaTR==
In the 90's, he hosted a show called "Flights of Fantasy", which aired on a Maryland public access channel during this time. Later, Wood founded NAViGaTR (National Academy of Video Game Trade Reviewers) who uploaded his old reviews for online viewing, under the new title Gaming in the Clinton Years. 
He was said to have died sometime around 2006 (probably from committing suicide over Final Fantasy IX's lack of voice acting), but it was quickly found out that it was nothing but a marketing ploy to cash in on NAVGTR's immense popularity. George Wood also ran a separate (but equally unnerving) show titled "George Wood Lame Game Show".
==List of Reviews==
This list is in chronological order.
*Super Castlevania IV
*The Addams Family
*Mega Man 8
*Mario Kart 64
*Twisted Metal 2
*Tomb Raider II
*Super Metroid
*GoldenEye 007
*Formula 1
*Donkey Kong Country
*Contender
*Toy Story
*Nintendo64 vs. Playstation
*Buster Bros Collection
*Final Fantasy VII
*Xenogears
*Castlevania: Symphony of the Night
*Final Fantasy VI
*A Bug's Life
*Tarzan
*All-Star Baseball 99
==Memorable Quotes==
* "The only way to win is to cheat."
* "This cheating brings victory much too quickly to warrant spending your money. People don't spend 60 bucks on a game they know they can beat."
*"But don't forget to anticipate the angle of the dangle when the ball bounces off the wall."
*"Final Fantasy VII is far from the near masterpiece that game critics and fans have been calling it."
*"If any of you out there don't go see this movie, just because you don't wanna sit in the theatre for three hours. Well, I hope you die a slow painful death over exactly three hours!"
*"This title could very well be the best shooter ever made, well not as fun as Star Fox 64."
*"She's much more, well... endowed. I wonder if there's a limit to the size of those things. I guess there's no limit to the imagination. The knobs in question are noticeably bigger. The game itself depicts your character too small to see anything major."
*"The Addams Family has got a cool ending! If you use the password, you'll get there in no time flat."
*"Maui Mallard is fun and easy, and with passwords for each of the eight levels, the game goes quickly."
*"A classic for the Super NES, but easy to beat with a code." 
*"We're not sure, but we suspect there are 14 worlds with three levels each."
*"That will send you straight to Dracula without playing any of the levels. Look at it for a few seconds and write it down quickly."
*"This same code will give you five lives."
*"Cute. But again, cheating spoils all the fun."
*"You can cheat to see all the endings."
*"A breeze to beat, but only if you cheat." 
*"You can win fairly easily by cheating."
*"Beating the game is a piece of cake with the hints."
*"Expect to win with only major cheating."
*"Really hard to beat without the codes."
*"You've got to cheat to win."
*"To succeed in this battle, you must avoid the boss effectively and hit him many times."
*"Bill Cosby would find him quite tasty. Oh wait a minute; I'm thinking of the pudding commercials. No I'm right! He does JELL-O commercials, too!"
*"While to dual stick control is ideal for situations like the robo, it seems unnecessary for actions like swinging a net to capture Wayward Monkey, swimming controls are way too fancy and cumbersome for their own good. The control isn't bad, perhaps not even awkward."
*"Red Alarm is the best Virtual Boy there is. Red Alarm is a 3D flight game that mesmerizes all who play it. The depth of the 3D graphics is outstanding. You will perceive real distances."
*"Why does every game with the exception of Ken Griffey Baseball for the N64 list the Baltimore Orioles Stadium as Baltimore Stadium? They have the correct name, so what's the deal? Are the Orioles so pigheaded about the use of Oriole Park at Camden Yards, that they only let Nintendo use the name?! That really stinks! The Orioles have the sun on top of the scoreboard, instead this game has an imitation - El Sol. Another title, Griffey Baseball, has the sun."
*"You should be able to complete this stage in five tries."
*"Andross will be by far, the most awesome villain you'll ever encounter in any video game. He will remind you of Stephen King's the Lawnmower Man. The play control is so good, that you'll actually notice how good it is."
*"A ride on a tiger? Sounds like a lot of fun, well it is."
*"It seems as though the battle between the Nintendo 64 and PlayStation will be directly related to players choices between Super Mario 64 and Resident Evil. But which is better? Let's go through this point-by-point. Mario has camera motion during gameplay, but Evil only has it during the hands-off cinema scenes. Evil has real voices for its characters, but Mario and his friends are mute, and real voices make Mario 64 more than worthy of your time."
*"Mario doesn't require you to solve impossible puzzles, but Evil has you solve tons of them. Actually, you won't solve tons of them. The game is virtually impossible without the hint book. So what's the bottom line?"
*"You can head towards the waterfall and listen as it gets louder and louder. In Super Mario 64, you can do just about anything. It is in fact, like jumping into the movie Toy Story."
*"The game would be better if we were created with clock development."
*"That little chore is extremely difficult, stars are hidden everywhere."
*"Mario Kart 64 is fun to play, except when you're losing."
*"Watch this COOL effect!"
*"Enter the Geko is Gex's second Gex game. That would get you Gexcited."
*"When you pop in this game, the first thing you'll notice is the poor engine on Woody. The Toy Story movie was done with Silicon Graphics Computers."
*"Rex - the wimpy, but lovable green dinosaur. Hey, at least he isn't Barney."
*"First of all - collecting stars helps you stay alive. So, even though the task is boring, do it anyway." 
*"We don't know however if the game actually used Silicon Graphics Computers."
* "Why didn't Disney Interactive use Silicon Graphics Computers?"
* "If you may have seen screenshots of Toy Story and thought the graphics were poor, indeed. Screenshots do not represent the game well. Seeing the game in motion may actually impress you."
* "Lastly, we recommend seeing the movie first, so you don't have to read all the boring text in between the stages."
* "Disney certainly has the money to make another Donkey Kong Country. But unfortunately, they blew it."
* "The only explanation we can think of, is that Disney Interactive did not use SGI computers, because the graphics could not be handled by the Genesis for the Genesis version."
*"Speaking of action figures - take a look at this one. It's a takeoff of Wonka from Street Fighter 2, also notice the similarities to other Street Fighter characters on the package design. A-ha! We caught these guys ripping off Capcom! Anyway, let's get back to Toy Story."
*"Two secrets of the first level can destroy the otherwise outstanding difficulty level." 
*"Everything about this game is top-notch. The game is virtually impossible to beat, making it overwhelming frustrating for younger players."
*"Just get over it, this is the age of South Park. We don't like South Park, but we do like Resident Evil 2."
*"We were kind of hoping to see Mannequin piss in the background. Anyway, no amount of urine can make this game buyable."
*"The most exciting part about the Indiana Jones game is the cinema scenes. They're amazing! Each shot looks exactly like the movie."
*"Really hard to beat, even with codes."
*"Twisted Metal 2 from Sony banks on the very essence of James Bond: action-thriving men. Yes, we're talking about Tim Taylor, grunt-out-loud-to-show-your-manhood type of men!"
*"Character building RPG elements is unique and impressive, but also unnoticeable in terms of effect in gameplay."
*"We got far into the game, but still felt far from the end. We also have a minor complaint about one aspect of the game's control. You can't jump in the middle of a swing. Think about that for a moment. If you're standing still and you swing your whip, you can't jump until the whip has come all the way back to you. Now that's ridiculous, folks! Ridiculous and frustrating. I mean, really. That is one annoying flaw! So much for realism."
*"You play Lara Croft, complete with front-loaded anvils."
*"The real star is the level design, Lara would have nothing to do but inflate herself."
*"We have a challenge for Eidos. In Tomb Raider III, create a storyline in which Lara gets breast cancer. Imagine the drama of a vulnerable Lara Croft, still persisting in her worldly adventures despite her illness. It needs fleshing out, no pun intended, but we guarantee the gaming world would be shocked, stunned, and moved at the effort to make Lara's character more meaningful. We love Lara, but it's about time the industry had a big shock for a change."
*"Samus's mission will be tough, but a woman's gotta do what a woman's gotta do!"
*"Not many games are like the Metroid series: incredible fun! You'll love this game dearly; your game heart will beat because of it."
*"The graphics, character animation, and big characters deliver hot action!"
*"Okay, enough of Bond."
*"Many of the same problems play in Bloody Roar 2, so we'll just move onto Mortal Kombat 4."
*"Super Mario World 2 is far better than the less than pleasing Super Mario World."
*"Where's the creativity? Why not have a game, where you have to find and drive to the hospital, before your wife delivers her baby? Now that, would be fun."
*"When you get sick of running into walls just because these kids can't walk right. Maybe, maybe not."
*"We want to show you the rest of the game. But unfortunately, we just don't have the time."
*"Donkey Kong Country is truly perfect. If you do not get this amazing generation of Donkey Kong madness, you are stupid! Yes, I know. That's insulting, but it's also the truth."
*"Play it loud in stereo, duuuuuuuuuuude!"
*"Music that has a totally COOLLL beat!"
*"It makes you wonder, why people actually spend 80 bucks to beat up a bunch of sprites to the ground, where they can do it for free on a real live human being."
*"Oh by the way, if Square doesn't add voice overs to Final Fantasy IX, I'm committing suicide. I hate text!"
*"We had a lot of fun creating three fat black ladies fighting one skinny white turd. You don't get to do that everyday!"
*"The gameplay is very simple, you might beat the game in one sitting."
*"The frustrating control has you fumbling around."
*"Hello? Ants can crawl anywhere! They don't need mushroom trampolines!"
*"The control is over-reactive."
*"The game is not that hot, and neither is the ending, but we thought you might wanna see it, anyway."
*"Illusion of Gaia - one of the best stories ever for a video game. Someone please turn this into a movie! Be forewarned, the pig sacrifice is a shocking dramatic twist."
*"For another laugh, you can get some food, and then listen to Mana call you a pig. The next event, however, is not funny."
*"The camera will catch Princess Jean in the shower. As a result, a feisty gal will punch out the lens of the camera. Isn't that a hoot?!"
*"No one buys a game specifically for multiplayer options."
*"90 percent of the tracks are straight, resulting in a very low challenge level."
*"Gran Turismo wouldn't be the flop that it is."
*"First of all - lower the difficulty level to one star, and change the number of rounds to one."
*"The surprising challenge, even on child's play, makes this game too hard for the tots but perfect for the pros."
*"So he embarks on a mission to collect as many orange balls as possible."
*"With the code S, T, C, J, D, H - Bubsy can skip into stage 16 and encounter the Queen Woolies."
*"Even though Bubsy is easy, the game is still EXCELLENT!"
*"Buster Bros Collection for the PlayStation, this blast from the past is well... not worth busting your butt to get, get it? Buster Bros, bust your butt?"
*"The Legend of Zelda, not as good as the original for some unknown reason."
*"All you do is kill enemy robots. That task is usually way too easy despite the very poor play control."
*"With the guide, we were able to beat the game in one four hour sitting without saving."
*"We changed our challenge rating of the game to a C, mainly because we beat it unexpectedly."
*"We're not quite sure if we'll ever beat this one."
*"Tarzan - this superhero isn't much better. The game is way too hard for its target audience. The easy mode is extremely difficult. So much so that we could not pass the stampede level without cheating and using the game shark."
*"The film clips are really nice though. You have to give them credit for that."
*"And you should not have to jump onto a vine to get it moving. Anyone who's ever climbed a rope knows you can wriggle your body and get it moving very quickly."
*"Falling off cliffs is rather easy when the game doesn't show them to you in time."
*"In the second game, you can knock down the Eiffel Tower. In this game, nothing even remotely creative or imaginative, or just plain crazy is available to match the second title."
*"Hercules is about a man who goes from zero to hero. The same catchphrase that accompanied Jim Carrey's The Mask."
*"Many of the special items cannot be used! You just don't know how to use them!"
*"The premise may remind you of the Mask. In fact, Jim is the earthworm's name. You can't help but wonder if this slimey hero is named after Jim Carrey, who portrayed the Mask in 1994."
*"Immersive? This game is not."
*"The gameplay isn't 3D. It's practically no fun at all."
*"Each character has enough moves, combos, linkers, special attacks, finishers, and God knows what else to kill somebody."
*"The bosses are fun. They take a few tries to figure out their weaknesses."
*"King of the Monsters 2. Four words - not worth a dime."
*"If only they knew these kids would grow up to be plumbers. Superhero plumbers, that is."
*"Then comes the ultimate confrontation, you vs a King Kong sized Bowser."
*"The bosses are awesome. Their animation is just as good as a Disney cartoon."
*"After the credits roll, the stork lands a place that looks like Whoville from the Grinch Who Stole Christmas."
*"This boss just goes to show you how cool the game is! Speaking of cool, the next boss is pretty cool, too. You run around the moon, trying to slam one of the posts in the moon and out the other side, giving Raphael a poke in the butt."
*"Bounce eggs off the walls into the ghost to beat him."
*"All we can say is, if you don't play this game, you're not a true gamer."
*"So, what do you think Super Mario RPG is about? Saving the Princess? Wrong!"
*"Your mission is to terminate the aliens who have invaded a high tech military base on Mars. Who knows how they got in."
*"It's also more realistic than other games where the bad guys just conveniently fade away after they've been killed."
*"If you think our games are bad, then you wouldn't believe the violence in Japanese games. Some games are never released over here for that exact reason." 
*"Wipeout Excel is ridiculously short. Only six known levels. That's over eight bucks a level. Geez! Six levels!"
*"The game is easy, but you should consider buying it just because it's really innovative. Earthbound is the first RPG set in modern times."
*"Bottom line, the battles and the HP elements seem out of place."
*"Imagine yourself playing a video game with Dolby surround sound. With Jurassic Park, you don't have to."
*"Yoda's words could apply to someone who's debating on whether or not to buy this game."
*"Jabba will belch frogs. Remember when he ate them in the movie?"
*"FIFA Soccer is a dinosaur of a game, and we mean that in a bad way."
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