Homer's Enemy/Quotes

:Marge: Homer, why aren't you at work?
:Homer: The car won't start. I don't feel very good today. I am at work.
:Marge: You're afraid to go to work because Frank Grimes will be there, aren't you?
:Homer: That's crazy talk. You're crazy, Marge. Get off the road!
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:(Bart notices that the factory has collapsed)
:Bart: Ah, jeez. Milhouse, how could you let this happen? You were supposed to be the night watchman!
:Milhouse: I was watching. I saw the whole thing. First it started falling over, then it fell over.
:Bart: Wow. Wonder where all the rats are gonna go?
:(Dozens of rats run out from under the rubble and into Moe's Tavern)
:Moe: Okay, everybody tuck your pants into your socks!
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:Frank Grimes: If you lived in any other country in the world, you'd have starved to death long ago.
:Bart: He's got you there, Dad.
:Grimes: You're a fraud, a total fraud. (To Marge and the kids) Was nice meeting you.
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:Grimes: God! I have had to work hard everyday of my life and what do I have to show for it? This briefcase and this haircut! And what do you have to show for you lifetime of sloth and ignorance?
:Homer: What?
:Grimes: Everything! A dream house, two cars, a beautiful wife, a son who owns a factory, fancy clothes, and (sniffs) lobsters for dinner! And do you deserve any of it? No!
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:(Homer is about to unwittingly drink a beaker of sulfuric acid when Grimes knocks it out of his hand, causing it to dissolve a wall)
:Grimes: You idiot! You nearly drank a beaker full of sulfuric acid!
:Homer: Acid, eh? Jeez, that would have been stupid! (laughs) Boy, would my face have been red! (laughs again)
:Grimes: Stop laughing, you imbecile! Don't you realize how close you just came to killing yourself?
:(Mr. Burns, walking by, notices the damaged wall)
:Mr. Burns: Who did this to my wall?
:Homer: (points at Grimes) He did.
:Mr. Burns: Is this true?
:Grimes: Well, uh, technically it is true, sir, but...
:Mr. Burns: (coldly) Come with me.
:Homer: (whispering to Grimes) He likes you.
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:Homer: Oh, I can't believe it. I've got an enemy. Me. The most beloved man in Springfield.
:Moe: Ah, it's a weird world, Homer. As hard as it is to believe, some people don't care for me, neither.
:Homer: (shakes head) No, I won't accept that.
:Moe: No, it's true. I got their names written down right here, in what I call my, uh, "enemies list".
:Barney: (takes the list from Moe and reads it) Jane Fonda, Daniel Schorr, Jack Anderson... Hey, this is Richard Nixon's enemies list. You just crossed out his name and put yours.
:Moe: Oh, gimme that, give it back. (writes down) Barney Gumble.
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:Grimes: (points at Homer) That's the man who's in charge of our safety? It boggles the mind!
:Carl: It's best not to think about it.
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:Mr. Burns: Smithers, I've just seen the most heroic dog on television. He pulled a toddler from the path of a speeding car, then pushed a criminal in front of it. Find this dog. I want to make him my executive vice president.
:Smithers: Uh, yes sir. In the meantime, here's Frank Grimes. (Grimes offers his hand, but Mr. Burns just stares at him blankly) The, the self-made man?
:Mr. Burns: What? Oh, yes, that fellow. Mmmm, put him somewhere out of the way, and find that dog!
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:Grimes: Oh, that's my degree in nuclear physics. I'm sure you all have one.
:Lenny: Oh yeah, Carl and I each have a masters. Of course, old Homer, he didn't need a degree. He just showed up the day they opened the plant.
:Homer: I didn't even know what a nuclear panner plant was.
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:Homer: (to Grimes, who's walking by) Hiya Stretch, what's the good word?
:Grimes: My name is Grimes, uh, Simpson, Frank Grimes. I took the trouble to learn your name, so the least you could do is learn mine.
:Homer: Okay, Grimey.
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:Grimes: Simpson, you've got a 513. (Homer looks at his watch) No, a 513. In your procedures manual - a 513? (Homer looks at his watch again) Look at your control panel.
:Homer: Oh, a five THIR-teen. I'll handle it. (He calmly takes out a bucket of water and pours it on the console, causing it to short out and silence the alarms) That got it.
:(Grimes looks on in horror)
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:Grimes: (talking about Homer) God, he eats like a pig!
:Lenny: I don't know. Pigs tend to chew. I'd say he eats more like a duck.
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:Carl: [to Grimes] You new?
:Grimes: Yes. My name is Frank Grimes.
:Lenny: I'm Lenny. This is Carl and Homer. I'm Lenny.
:Grimes: How do you do?
:Homer: [picks up one of Grimes' pencils, spilling the rest onto his desk] Wow, you've got pencils with your name on them -- just like a pencil company executive. I'd give anything for one of these.
:Grimes: [tugs the pencil back out of Homer's hand] Any office supply company can have them made up for you.
:Homer: Can I have this one? [tries to tug it back]
:Grimes: No.
:Homer: Can [thinks] Lenny have it? [tries it again]
:Grimes: No.
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:Grimes: I'm sorry, isn't that …
:Homer: Yes, that's me, and the guy standing next to me is President Gerald Ford…..And this is when I was on tour with the Smashing Pumpkins…..Oh! And here's a picture of me in outer space.
:Grimes: You? Went into outer space? You?
:Homer: Sure. You've never been? Would you like to see my Grammy award?
:Grimes: No! I wouldn't!
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:Lisa: Can I go downstairs and see what Dad's doing?
:Marge: I wouldn't bother him, honey. He's making some sort of model for a contest. He says it's really high-tech stuff that we wouldn't understand.
:Homer: (opens basement door) Marge, do we have any elbow macaroni and glue-on sparkles?
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:Martin: Behold, the power plant of the future, today!
:Mr. Burns: Yuck! Too cold and sterile. Where's the heart?
:Martin: But it really generates power. It's lighting this room right now. (Turns a knob on his model, causing the auditorium lights to dim and come back on.)
:Mr. Burns: You lose, get off my property!
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:(At the children's nuclear power plant contest)
:Mr. Burns: (to Homer) Could you explain your model, young man?
:Grimes: (from audience) What's to explain? He's an idiot!
:Lenny: Pipe down!
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:Bart: [leaning out the window of his factory, he whistles to Milhouse] Hey, Milhouse! You want a job in my factory?
:Milhouse: You don't a have a factory.
:Bart: Hey, I'm a busy man. You want a job or not?
:Milhouse: Okay! [runs up to join Bart]
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:Grimes: Can you believe that guy? He's in his office making a pathetic attempt to look professional.
:Carl: Hey, what do you got against Homer, anyway?
:Grimes: Are you kidding? Does this whole plant have some disease where you can't see that he's an idiot? Look here. [points out a chart tacked to the bulletin board] Accidents have doubled every year since he became safety inspector, and, and meltdowns have tripled. Has he been fired? No. Has he been disciplined? No, no.
:Lenny: Eh, everybody makes mistakes. That's why they put erasers on pencils.
:Carl: Yeah, Homer's okay. Give him a break.
:Grimes: No! Homer is not okay. And I want everyone in this plant to realize it. I would die a happy man if I could prove to you that Homer Simpson has the intelligence of a 6-year-old.
:Lenny: [to Carl] So, how are you doing?
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:(Ralph submits a Malibu Stacy Dream House to the nuclear model contest)
:Mr. Burns: Hot tub? Media room? It's supposed to be a power plant, not Aunt Beulah's Bordello! Thank you, get out. NEXT.
:Chief Wiggum: Eh, Ralphie, get off the stage, sweetheart.
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:Grimes: But i-it was a contest for children!
:Lenny: Yeah, and Homer beat their brains out.
:(Everyone gives Homer a standing applause including Mr. Burns.)
:Grimes: I can't stand it any longer. This whole plant is insane. Insane, I tell you! Daahh! Aaah! [runs out of the auditorium, and into the equipment room] I can be lazy, too! [takes his necktie off, and moons one of the technicians] Look at me! Hi, I'm a worthless employee, just like Homer Simpson! Give me a promotion! [waddles into the break room like a penguin, cross-eyed, and grabs two donuts from the box] Ooh, I eat like a slob, but nobody minds! [eats in an exaggeratedly slobbish fashion] [heads into a restroom; from the restroom] I'm peeing on the seat. Give me a raise! [emerges from the bathroom and waves his hands in Homer's face] Now I'm returning to work without washing my hands. But it doesn't matter, because I'm Homer Simpson! [runs to Homer's work station and spins around in the chair] I don't need to do my work, 'cause someone else will do it for me. D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! [slaps forehead on each "D'oh!"]
:Homer: Hey, you okay, Grimey?
:Grimes: I'm better than okay. I'm Homer Simpson.
:Homer: [chuckles] You wish.
:Grimes: [notices Mr. Burns has walked in] Oh, hi, Mr. Burns. I'm the worst worker in the world. Time to go home to my mansion and eat my lobster. [walks up to some dangerous-looking wires] What's this? [reads sign] "Extremely High Voltage." Well, I don't need safety gloves, because I'm Homer Simp-- [he grabs the cables and is zapped to death] [everyone watching cringes]
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:(The scene cuts to a grave with Frank's name on it. )
:Reverend Lovejoy: Frank Grimes, Or Grimey as he like to be called, Taught us that a man can triumph over adversary. And even though Frank's agonizing struggle though life was tragically cut short but, I'm sure he's looking down on us...
:(At Grimes' funeral, Homer is sleeping.)
:Homer: Change the channel, Marge!
:(Everyone laughs)
:Lenny: That's our Homer!
es:Homer's Enemy/Frases