Eye on the Krab

Eye on the Krab is the twenty-first episode of the spin-off, Absorbent Days, and the first episode of season two. In this episode, Mr. Krabs is caught committing a monetary-related crime in his restaurant. The Federal Restaurant Agency of Underwater Diners states that Plankton must now watch over Mr. Krabs, acting as a parole officer. Several attempts to steal the formula have left Plankton desperate, and he may become very close to stealing the formula with the backup of the FRAUD agents. Will Plankton steal the formula, or end up with an empty package? This episode is paired with Samba Mater.
==Characters==
*SpongeBob SquarePants
*Squidward Tentacles
*Eugene H. Krabs
*Sheldon J. Plankton
*FRAUD Agents
**Braxton/Male Fish 1 (debut)
**David/Male Fish 2 (debut)
*Miscellaneous Customers
==Transcript==
*[episode begins at the Krusty Krab; Mr. Krabs is strolling around the Krusty Krab]
*Mr. Krabs: It seems like everything is in check around here. [sniffs] Hmm...my nose thinks otherwise. [spots Squidward, sleeping on the register] I would fire him if I could. [whispers into Squidward's ear] Squidward! Squidward! [hatches idea] Squidward, your music career just took off.
*Squidward: [wakes up abruptly] Huh?! What?! Hand me my resignation papers! [looks around] Oh. [sniffs in air] It's just you.
*Mr. Krabs: Yeah, it's just me. [points to Squidward] Your commanding officer. And as your commanding officer, I command you to...[yells commandingly] get back to work!
*Squidward: As if I were ever at work.
*Mr. Krabs: Ha ha ha. Very funny. [walks back to office] If only I could fire...I need a vacation. [opens door; walks into office]
*Customer: [walks up to register] I'll have one Krabby Patty, two large Krabby fries, and no mustard on the Krabby Patty.
*Squidward: [writing order] Why did you order mustard not be on the patty after you told me you wanted a Krabby Patty?
*Customer: You know. [looks at watch] I've got only an hour for lunch, and you're wasting it with this needless conversation.
*Squidward: [smiles] Funny. [frowns] I don't get a lunch break.
*Customer: [rolls eyes; sarcastically] I'm so very sorry, cashier. [quickly] Not really. [normally] Can I please just get my order done?
*Squidward: [writes down ticket; takes dollar bill] Yeah, SpongeBob will have that ready to go in...[smirks] say...one hour.
*Customer: [sarcastically laughs] Tee hee. Chuckle chuckle. [angrily] Thanks to you, I've wasted a minute and a half. I don't have time for this! [stomps away]
*SpongeBob: [sticks head out window] Okay, Squidward. I have one Krabby Patty with extra mustard and one small Krabby fries. Huh? Who ordered this?
*Squidward: [grabs bag] Me. [takes out Krabby Patty] Happy lunch break to me. [nasilly laughs]
*Mr. Krabs: [barges out of office] Mr. Squidward, what's with all of this nasal laughter? [gasps in horror; in disgust] Mr. Tentacles, how...dare you dine during work hours? In front of the customers? In front of...[gasps] Cashy?! [covers cashier buttons] Avert your buttons, little one. [back at Squidward; growling] You better have a pirate's good reason for doing this, Squidward.
*Squidward: [holds up dollar bill; sarcastically] Huh? The customer left his money? Oh, whatever shall I do? [plainly; holds up bill to Mr. Krabs] There you go. There's my reason.
*Mr. Krabs: Oh, well then. Carry on. [walks briskly back to his office; opens door and stops] If anybody needs me, don't need me. [shuts door]
*[scene cuts to the inside of Mr. Krabs's office; Mr. Krabs has laid the dollar bill on his desk]
*Mr. Krabs: I've only seen this dollar a few times throughout my adventures in the seas. It's a dollar bill, but not any dollar bill. [holds it up in triumph] It's a dollar bill with 0.000001% nickel contained inside of its printing. These are the rarest of their kind. [squints eyes] Nobody seems to care about the value of money these days. [hatches idea] Value...of...money! [grabs paintbrush; begins painting on dollar bill] Just a little bit of finesse...and...voila! [stops painting] It's not five clams anymore. It's...[holds up now dollar bill saying "500" instead of "5"] five hundred clam-aroos! Whoo. It makes me feel younger when I illegally increase the value of dollars. [adores dollar]
*[camera pans from behind Mr. Krabs to outside of the office window; the camera ends panning at the window pane, where it reveals Plankton, standing in the window, looking at Mr. Krabs]
*Plankton: [to self] Why would Krabs illegally change the value of money right in front of an open window? And he owns the most successful restaurant in Bikini Bottom? [facepalm] But no matter. He may have fame and fortune, but I have [holds up clam phone] this! [dials number] Hey there, inferior lifeform. I am calling to complain about a certain restaurant owner.
*SpongeBob: [peeks into Mr. Krabs's office] Mr. Krabs? I think I need you.
*Mr. Krabs: Didn't you hear what I told you, boy?
*SpongeBob: [laughing] Probably not.
*Mr. Krabs: Oh. Then what do you need?!
*SpongeBob: My grill is having [air quotes] "problems" again.
*Mr. Krabs: Problems? What kind of problems?
*SpongeBob: You know. [winks] Hint hint.
*Mr. Krabs: Hint hint [winks] wink wink.
*SpongeBob: [beside Mr. Krabs; nudges] Nudge nudge.
*Mr. Krabs: [pats SpongeBob's back] Pat pat.
*SpongeBob: [stretches from side to side] Stretch stretch.
*Mr. Krabs: I'm still not getting you, boy. And if that's the case, that means I'm losing money! [looks at bill] Or am I? [walks into kitchen with SpongeBob]
*Plankton: [leaps onto desk] I think I may have gotten more than I bargained for. [adores bill] Wow, Krabs. Even with your amount of wealth, you always want more. Nice game, Krabs. [takes out a duplicate bill] Too bad the company made this game multiplayer. [picks up real bill and replaces it with counterfeit bill; laughs evilly; hears Krabs coming] Uh oh. Better get going. [takes out grappling hook; shoots it to wall; looks down and sees grapple on leg] You know, I don't expect anything different at this point in my life. [flung to wall; hangs upside down] I knew I shouldn't have sprang for that double grappling hook.
*Mr. Krabs: [opens office door] Gosh, that grill puts up a fight. Who knew that patties could be used as a weapon? [walks to desk; camera cuts to Plankton, surprisingly unscathed from door]
*Plankton: Ha! That puny door is no match for me! It's about time inanimate objects knew who's its master! [laughs evilly] That sounded better in my head. [looks up at leaving rope; looks at other end of grappling hook, attached to the door] Why did I give the grapples suction abilities? [pulled with door; slammed into wall, breaking it] Ouch. Still doesn't hurt as much as not getting the formula.
*Mr. Krabs: [looks at wall; walks to crack] Oh, just great. Just another thing to rid me of me money. [sighs] It's a good thing I get paid enough for this! [walks back to desk; sits on chair] Just great. Now me dollar's all cold.
*Voice: Ironic, huh? [hand places handcuff on Mr. Krabs's wrist] Because you're going to be spending a lot of time in the stony lonesome...which is even colder than that dollar of yours. [snatches dollar away]
*Mr. Krabs: Hey! Who might you be?!
*Male Fish: [camera reveals a white fish with a dark suit on] I am Braxton from the Federal Restaurant Agency of Underwater Diners. We have a report for an anonymous source that you, Mr. Krabs, have committed...[dramatic flourish]...what did he commit again?
*Male Fish 2: [walks into room; sighs] It's a good thing they pay me just for this conversation. [aloud] We are suing Eugene Krabs here for...[dramatic flourish] monetary-related fraud.
*Mr. Krabs: [sighs in relief] Oh. It's just that. I thought it was something like tax fraud. [camera cuts to behind Mr. Krabs, where he shredding a tax sheet]
*Male Fish 2: [leans in until reaching Mr. Krabs's face] What do you have to say for yourself, Mr. Krabs? [normal posture, away from Mr. Krabs] We all knew that you were cheap...
*Mr. Krabs: [holds up hand] Whoa whoa whoa. Wait a clam second. [points to self with thumb; closes eyes; sticks nose up] I am not cheap.
*Squidward: [leans into office] Mr. Krabs, I can see that you're [coughs] pretty busy, but...uh...there's a customer that says he wants his penny back.
*Mr. Krabs: Oh, really?
*Squidward: [rolls eyes] Here we go again.
*Mr. Krabs: [picks up bat; hits bat on hand] Seems hard enough. [throws to Squidward] Chase him away with this.
*Squidward: I wonder if I ever had to do this in college. [walks away]
*Mr. Krabs: [looks at agents] See, fellas. [points to head] Smart, huh? By chasing the customer away, I don't have to give him money. So, in a sense, I'm losing [gasps]...losing money! [on the floor; begins sobbing] What have I done? Noooo! [grips onto Braxton's leg] Hold me, Benjamin.
*Braxton: It's Brax...never mind. [looks at Male Fish 2] Should we cuff him?
*Male Fish 2: I don't know if we should cuff him or rock him to sleep. If this continues, the world will have eight oceans. [pries Mr. Krabs off of Braxton's leg] Man yourself up, Krabs! We're not going to arrest you.
*Mr. Krabs: [sniffling; waves up] I don't care about that! Me money's gone.
*Male Fish 2: In fact it is. [takes counterfeit bill and places it in pocket] We're going to have to confiscate this, Mr. Krabs.
*Mr. Krabs: [angry] Haven't I lost enough money? [rips shirt pocket off of Male Fish 2] It's okay, little dollar. Why do you need him anyway?!
*Braxton: [takes out marker] If I have to draw you a picture...[draws mark on dollar] See?! It's fake!
*Mr. Krabs: [points to Braxton] You write on me dollar again...!
*Braxton: [pushes Krabs hand down] Whoa, calm down, Krabs. It's just business.
*Mr. Krabs: If I gave a clam shell about business, do you think I would be a restaurant owner? [holds up dollar] I would rather go to the stoney lonesome than to be parted from me hard-earned money!
*Male Fish 2: [holds up handcuffs] That can be arranged, crab.
*Braxton: [whispers in Male Fish 2's ear; aloud] We have reached our final decision.
*Male Fish 2: No we haven't.
*Braxton: [whispers again; aloud] Now we have, right?
*Male Fish 2: Affirmative. We have decided not to send you to the Bikini Bottom Jail, Eugene.
*Mr. Krabs: Whoo. That's a relief.
*Male Fish 2: But!...in order to make sure that nothing like this occurs in the future...
*Braxton: ...We are going to hire somebody to watch over you. Sort of a probation thing.
*Mr. Krabs: Probation?! [sighs] Not again.
*Male Fish 2: But Braxton, how exactly are we going to find a person to watch over...him? [both look at Mr. Krabs]
*Mr. Krabs: [tucking dollar bill into bed] Good night, little one. [look at Braxton and Male Fish 2] Hey, what are you two looking at?
*Male Fish 2: [looks back at Braxton] Who?!
*Plankton: [ambles into room; sarcastically] Oh no. It looks like Krabs is busy again. [turns around] I just thought that I should keep a [emphasis] "keen eye" on him, just in case he needed anything.
*Male Fish 2: [looks at Plankton] What about him?
*Braxton: No way, David. He's only got one eye. I bet he can't even see past his own hands. Not to mention he's smaller than a...
*Plankton: Hey! I can both hear and see you, thank you very much!
*Braxton: I'm over here. [camera cuts to reveal Plankton looking to the right while Braxton is to the left]
*Mr. Krabs: [stands up] No way! Not him! He's nothing but a criminal.
*David: And you're not?
*Mr. Krabs: Well, uh...well, that's not important. What's important is that he is going to try and steal what's rightfully mine. Not just mine, but something that belongs to the entire Krusty Krab! [points to safe] The formula.
*Braxton: Really? Something that small trying to steal something that's even higher up than you, Mr. Krabs?
*Plankton: [to self] Why do they act as if I'm too small to have emotions? [aloud] Here's how it's going to go, gents. [hops onto Braxton's shoulder] I'll watch this cheapskate here, you guys leave and trust me with the services, and I'll take care of this little dollar here. Eh?
*Mr. Krabs: You two aren't seriously going to consider...
*Braxton: You've got yourself a deal, Mr...uh...diminutive...king. [walks out of office with David]
*Mr. Krabs: [places finger to Plankton's chest] You may have fooled those two agents. You may have even fooled me fellow employees. Yet, you haven't fooled me yet, Plank-twerp!
*Plankton: [smiles] Oh calm down, Krabs. The two agents have left me with a job, and there's nothing you can do about it.
*Mr. Krabs: [laughs] Oh ho. We'll see about that! [begins walking out of office; stops at door arch] Hey! Those agents worked for a company called FRAUD! [walks away; mumbling] Why the nerve of some...
*Plankton: [rubs hand; smirks evilly] Things always go well when I get what I want.
*[scene cuts to the Chum Bucket; an abundance of tinkering and machinery is heard; camera pans in to the dining room; camera pans into laboratory, revealing Plankton as the source of all of the sound]
*Plankton: [using a hammer; bangs hammer on metal; wipes sweat] Whoo. It really takes a lot out of you hammering in some screws. [leans on screw] I think that's enough work for one lucrative afternoon.
*Karen: I know that you are limited by your...[coughs] size, honey, but...you've only gotten through one screw.
*Plankton: [camera cuts to reveal Plankton have only screwed in only one screw into a box; facepalm] Sometimes I just wish that I hadn't gone into a life of evil.
*Karen: [places Plankton on ground] You too, huh? [grabs hammer and begins hammering in the screws]
*Plankton: Thanks, honey.
*Karen: Yeah yeah. [places down hammer] Now what exactly is this that you're building?
*Plankton: Something I should have built a long time ago. It's my one key to the secret formula. [smirks evilly] A key indeed. [laughs evilly]
*Karen: [facepalm; to self] I've heard this joke too many times to find it not funny anymore. [sighs] It's not even a joke anymore.
*[scene cuts to the Krusty Krab, where Plankton is lugging his box]
*Plankton: [inside Krusty Krab; pulling on rope; struggles] Gosh. Who knew that taking down someone a hundred times bigger than you would be so difficult? Wait a minute. [hits head] Duh. [continues pulling on rope; growls; lets go of rope] This is useless. It's like this thing isn't even going anywhere. [takes out measuring tape; measures] That's because it's not. [looks up] Well, this looks as good a place as any. It'll destroy anything within a... [looks at notepad] Krusty Krab radius...and somewhat one-fourth of the Chum Bucket radius.
*SpongeBob: [walks out of kitchen; holding tray] One Krabby Patty with one large Krabby fries ready for pick-up.
*Customer 2: [walks to register] Is that my order?
*SpongeBob: I don't know. Is it?
*Customer 2: [thinks] Yeah, I think so. I'll take it. [takes tray]
*SpongeBob: [looks at ticket] It looks like his order. Yeah, it says number nine, and a few squiggly lines. [turns ticket around] Oh, wait a minute. That was supposed to go to order number six. [shrugs shoulders] Oh well. [walks back into kitchen] Better remake the order. [sniffs] Hmm. What's that odor?
*Squidward: [eyes on magazine] Does it smell worse than the kitchen?
*SpongeBob: [sniffs] Yep.
*Squidward: [places face into magazine] Probably an explosive.
*SpongeBob: [walks into dining room, attempting to sniff out source] Where is it coming from? [hears grunting] And what's that sound? [looks at a struggling Plankton]
*Plankton: [pulling back on rope; stops struggle; exhales deeply] Gosh, this thing is heavy.
*SpongeBob: Hey, Plankton, what'cha do...[slips on nail in ground; hand throws up wooden plank; bomb is thrown into air]
*Plankton: Whoa. You think it would be harder to get five grams off of the ground. [alarmed] SpongeBob! Keep that bomb from hitting any liquids! It'll activate the bomb when it reaches any bases!
*SpongeBob: I'll try my best. [leaning and walking backward to catch bomb; slips onto table, spilling a drink on himself] Don't worry. I got this! [about to spray drink off of body]
*Plankton: Nooo! [pushes SpongeBob out of way; bomb falls on Plankton; bomb is thrown by Plankton's body, which acts as an accordion] Ow.
*SpongeBob: [body falls to ground, spraying out into air] That's a relief. Uh oh! [leaps in front of bomb, which is about to bounce into the freefalling soda; bomb is then bounced back by SpongeBob's body]
*Plankton: Yes! My plan is still working...sort of! [looks at approaching bomb] Just great! [yells in fear; bomb falls into open mouth] Now I regret Karen placing that soda in my lunch box today. [bomb begins beeping]
*[scene cuts to a long shot of the Krusty Krab; bomb explodes; Plankton moans in pain; screen reveals text that says "Strike 1: NUCLEAR EXPLOSIONS"; screen then reveals "FAILED"]
*Mr. Krabs: [runs out of office] What in the name of Alexander Clam Bill...[laughs; to self] Bill...[yells] is going on here?! [begins laughing] Whoa! Looks like Plankton is half the paramecium he was yesterday. [laughs]
*Plankton: [camera reveals Plankton, sliced in half; sarcastically] Ha ha ha, Krabs. [pulls self back together; normally] Laugh all you can, but let's see what the FRAUD agency has to say about this little [takes out clam phone] incident.
*Mr. Krabs: You wouldn't!
*SpongeBob: [comes out with order] Sorry about the incident, customers. It won't happen again.
*Customer 3: [female voice] Ah ha, I bet it won't. [yawns] All of this waiting has made me tired. [stretches; foot slips SpongeBob, causing the drink to spill]
*Plankton: [fighting over phone with Mr. Krabs] Give me this phone right now, Krabs! Over suffer the consequences!
*Mr. Krabs: Consequences?! I would like to see you try.
*Plankton: I meant the FRAUD company, you crustacean!
*Mr. Krabs: [nervously] Oh, well...uh...there's that, I guess.
*Plankton: That's right! [laughs] And when they're done with you, you'll hear from my lawyers! Speaking of hearing, do you hear that?
*Mr. Krabs: Don't you find it weird how no one ever hears anything that you hear?
*Plankton: It sounds like...soda! [looks at approaching soda; soda short-circuits the phone] Oh, come on! [camera appears with text that says "Strike 2: TECHNOLOGY"; screen then reveals "FAILED"]
*[scene cuts to Plankton, walking into Krabs's office]
*Plankton: [on Mr. Krabs's desk] Krabs, ol' buddy. How's life been? The restaruant? How has it been doing? Buddy ol' pal.
*Mr. Krabs: [laughs; looking at paperwork] You know, you're real funny, Plankton. You've kept me laughing all day. [leans back in chair] But you know what's not funny. Trying to get the formula out of me.
*Plankton: [stutters] Why...you think...well, I...I am...offended, sir. Just because I've tried one hundred fifty three thousand, two hundred ninety five times to steal your formula means that I'm trying to get it out of you now? [crosses arms and turns around] That's just insulting.
*Mr. Krabs: Oh, then you wouldn't mind a hair if I placed the [holds up bottle] formula right here...on me desk. [begins writing down more on paperwork]
*Plankton: [beginning to sweat] Uh...nope. Not even a follicle. [begins tapping foot] Nope. It'll just be me...standing here, right next to...[gulps] the formula. [coughs] Is it getting...you know...warm in this...uh...particular...[gulps] place in...the...ocean? [breathing heavily; snaps] That's it! Give me it! [grabs bottle and leaps off desk; takes out cork; opens paper] Here it is! Karen always said one hundred fifty three thousand, two hundred ninety six times the charm was a quote of good wisdom. Let's see. [begins reading] What?! This isn't the formula for a Krabby Patty. [camera reveals paper saying 1/2bh] It's the formula for the area of a triangle! [rips up paper; camera shows "Strike Three: GENERIC ASKING; screen comes up with text saying "FAILED"]
*Mr. Krabs: Hey! That paper costed me money!
*[scene cuts to Plankton, standing in the Krusty Krab cashier line]
*Plankton: Why in the world would Karen lie to me? [throws hands] Oh, please. Who needs her? I can do this by myself. And what better way to obtain a Krabby Patty...[camera cuts to reveal Plankton as next in line] than ordering one?
*Squidward: Next in the...[sighs] extremely long line that is interrupting my reading time.
*[scene cuts to SpongeBob, cooking patties in the kitchen; juggling order tickets, buns, and patties]
*SpongeBob: [exhaling] Let's see. Two double Krabby Patties, three kiddy meals, one Krabby Patty [looking at order ticket] no patties and...no buns? What?! [throws patties on buns; one patty misses; patty tips over a pan, which contains an open flame; the flame burns all of the patties on the buns except for itself] Nooo! Not with all of these orders to fill. [lifts up the last patty] At least I still have you. [patty catches fire and disentegrates] Tartar sauce...which is pretty much the only thing we have left.
*Plankton: [offscreen] One Krabby Patty, extra Krabby Patty, and a side of a printed paper of your formula. And make it snappy! [looks at watch] Karen claims she needs me back by at least four.
*Squidward: Uh ha. Uh ha. Yeah. Whatever. [hands order ticket to SpongeBob]
*SpongeBob: [sticks face out of window; nose punctures order ticket] Squidward! I have a crisis situation.
*Squidward: When do you not?
*SpongeBob: We're all out of patties, Squidward.
*Squidward: I don't see how this concerns me, so I'm going to open this magazine, [picks up magazine], [sits down] sit down, and read it until all of the customers leave. [begins reading magazine]
*Customers: Oh come on! [constant yelling] Just great! [more mumbling] ...my only lunch hour! [all customers stomp away, leaving Plankton]
*Plankton: [begins growling] That's...it! I've tried to blow up this place single-handedly, shut this place down, kindly ask for it, and now I wait in an extremely long line for nearly a whole hour just to have it ripped away...once again! If you dunderheads won't give me the formula, [smiles] then I'm going to have to get it...[rocket grips Plankton's back] moi-self! [flies into Mr. Krabs's office]
*SpongeBob: Shouldn't we stop him?
*Squidward: If I cared, [looks in magazine] I still wouldn't.
*[scene cuts to Mr. Krabs's office; Plankton lands on desk]
*Mr. Krabs: [looks up at Plankton] Why are you back in here?
*Plankton: Save your questions! [points menacingly] You know very well why I'm here. It's the same reason I've come into this blasted office for the past fifty years! [clenches hand to fist] To steal your formula!
*Mr. Krabs: [stands up] You'll that formula when my safe door opens by itself and hands you the formula itself!
*Plankton: I think that can be arranged, Krabs! [whistles]
*[FRAUD agents walk into office]
*Braxton: [breathes in through teeth] Krabs, Krabs, Krabs. We tried to tell you, but I guess you just wouldn't listen. Mr. Plankton was assigned to keep an eye on you, yet you stopped him from doing that. And now, you're going to have to pay...with cash that is.
*Mr. Krabs: But...but but...but...[slams fist down with idea] but it wasn't my fault! The customer is the one that gave me the dollar. He must have been the one who had the counterfeit bill in the first place! Before I even wrote on the dollar, it was already fake! [chuckles] I love finding loopholes.
*David: Hmm...you might have a point, Eugene. [points to dollar] Search the dollar, Braxton.
*Braxton: [uses flashlight] Well, I'm not seeing any fish-like fingerprints...[looks closer] but I do see...paramecium-like fingerprints.
*Plankton: I'm not a paramecium! I'm a Plankton! Uh...not that I would know any Plankton who would do such a thing.
*Braxton: Oh, really? [picks up Plankton and shakes him; a dollar bill falls out of back pocket] What's this, Mr. Plankton? [takes out marker; draws mark on bill] The mark is faint!
*David: Mr. Plankton, [takes out tiny handcuffs] you are under arrest for...whatever monetary-related crime that was just committed here. [walks Plankton out of office]
*Braxton: And by federal law, I must [takes real 500 clam bill] confiscate this dollar bill. [walks out office]
*Mr. Krabs: [laughs] Irony, I guess. Getting my dollar confiscated by a company called FRAUD. [chuckles] Wait a minute! Really, I just got robbed!
*Plankton: [offscreen;holding formula bottle] Get used to it, Krabs! [runs out office, laughing evilly]
*SpongeBob: [rushes into scene from kitchen] Mr. Krabs! Plankton just stole the formula! Quick! Call the police! Call anybody that can stop a Plankton! Like a...whale!
*Mr. Krabs: Whoa, don't go all...weird on me, boy. The formula's still safe.
*SpongeBob: Really? [calms] Whoo. [wipes sweat] I'm not even sweating. Say, Mr. Krabs. If Plankton didn't steal the formula, then...what did he take?
*Mr. Krabs: Let's just say that...[begins laughing] he'll do good in geometry class. [laughs]
*[episode ends]
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