The Ziff Who Came to Dinner/Quotes

:Artie: Doesn't your father ever read to you?
:Lisa: He tried once, but he got confused and thought the book was real. He's still searching for that chocolate factory. It consumes him.
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:Groundskeeper Willie: I lost all my "screw you" money!
:Principal Skinner: I'm very sorry to hear that, Willie.
:Groundskeeper Willie: Screw you!
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:Lisa: Mom, Dad, I love you. Maggie, you can have my books. And Bart, I'll see you in hell, you booger-eating wuss! That's right, we all know!
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:Marge: (to Artie) You only care about yourself.
:Artie: Don't be ridiculous. I care about more than just moi.
:(In Artie's daydream)
:Artie look-alike can-can dancers: Artie! Artie! Artie! Artie! Artie! Artie!
:Artie look-alike audience members: Ziff! Ziff! Ziff! Ziff! Ziff! Ziff! Ziff!
:(The dancers clap and laugh and the daydream ends)
:Artie: Oh, dear God. She's right.
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:Guard: (to Homer) Sorry you were wrongfully imprisoned, Simpson.
:Homer: Can I apply my time toward a future crime?
:Guard: You can either steal a car or kick me in the crotch. (Homer kicks him in the crotch) Uhhh, no one ever chooses the car.
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:Homer: Don't tell my kids I'm going to jail! Tell them I joined the Blue Man Group! I'm the fat one!
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:(The Not So Final Fate of Artie Ziff)
:Marge: Artie Ziff?
:Homer: I thought we killed him!
:Marge: No, we didn't.
:Homer: But I did delete him from my bulk e-mail list!
:Marge: No, you didn't.
:Artie: That's right. Twice a week, I get your e-mail of the monkey peeing in his own mouth.
:Homer: Oh yeah. Heh heh. That monkey got America through some tough times.
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:Bart: Daddy's on fire. Daddy's not on fire. Daddy's on fire. Daddy's not on fire. Daddy's on fire...
:Marge: (grabs book from Bart) Daddy's not on fire!
:Maggie: (cries)
:Marge: Okay, fine, he is. (reopens book)
:Maggie: (giggles and claps her hands happily)
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:(Homer gets out of jail)
:Lisa: Oh, dad (Hugs him) I missed you so much!
:Homer: (Surprised) Oh my God! Maggie you're talking!
:Ziff: Homer, I believe that's Lisa.
:Homer: (To Ziff) Oh Bart, what a man you become!
es:The Ziff Who Came to Dinner/Frases