Bartman Begins/Quotes

===Homer Simpson===
====Around certain parts of the level====
*Finding this cave was a life-changing experience. Or did Moe find it? Oh, who cares. Stupid cave!
*Is it amazing that we evolve from all of this stuff?
*Now where did I put that gun?
*Bart, it's not polite to walk on the walls. You'll get them all fingerprint-y.
*Can you see where they keep the beer from up there?
*You did it boy! You saved me.... after leaving me behind to rot..... WHY YOU LITTLE!
*Wow, so this is the future!
*[on a pressure pad] What the heck?!
*[on a pressure pad] If I step on these things, I go down. I'm a freakin' genius!
*[on a pressure pad] Going down.
*Heheheh. Boobs!
*Oh, why does Bart always get the sexy platforms?
*Ooh, a temple! I hope there's latkes.
*Gee, I wonder who invented this place. Probably Einstein.
*This place is impressive;but it just doesn't feel lived in.
*[To Bart when leaving the cave exhibit] I didn't know you spoke Greek!
*You know, despite the human sacrifices, these Aztecs were okay.
*Don't mind if I do!
*I hope my bones will be this useful some day.
*(Nervously): Nice dinosaur. Good dinosaur.
*We should always give thanks to Van Helsing for killing all the dinosaurs.
*I'm gonna hold my breath, you count! How long was that?
*Bart, I'm bored! Entertain me. Please!
*Bart, you're too young to be on that platform!
*Bart I've been meaning to talk to you about the special feelings you may be having about that platform.
*Hey Bart, which one is the smart one, me or Lisa?
*Best donut ever!
*This is supposed to be outer space? Where are all the giant space ants?
*Bart, don't look down, or you'll wet yourself!
*You'd have to be crazy to go up there, and I'm merely stupid.
*I'm not going up there! I have too much dignity and fear.
====Attacking enemies====
*I thought you guys were supposed to be courteous.
*I'm gonna try not to take that personally.
*Oh no! The pretend police are mad!
*Our mission is to stop the bully, oh but I do love beating guards!
*Marge told me to stop attacking guards.
*You're supposed to guard, not taunt.
*Say what you will, I like me.
*I'm hard enough on myself!
*You are off my Christmas list...starting next year!
*I'll make you eat those words! Mmm...words.
*Take it back!
*Well, I hope you die!
====Defeating enemies====
*Don't stay down too long, they'll dock your pay!
*Hahahaha! Funny man go boom!
*Nice one, guard tard!
*Now who stinks?
*That's how I roll!
*Wish I could lie down!
*Well, I hope you die!
====When Bart defeats enemies====
*(laughs) I heard the funny man.
*Oh, I had twenty bucks on the guard.
*That's a good, healthy hatred of authority.
*That's my boy!
*They become deadly fighting machines so fast....
*Way to give them guff!
*(whispering) I think he's dead...
*Wish my dad had taken me brawling.
===Bart Simpson===
====Around certain parts of the level====
*Whoa, this room would be a great place for a skate park!
*Cool! I'm looking around in cave just like the real Batman, I mean Bartman. I hope DC didn't hear that.
*This is so great! I didn't think I'd start hanging out in caves 'til I was an adult.
*Today I am a man.
*Suddenly, I get every dirty joke I've ever heard. 
*Just thought I'd drop in.
*It would be embarrassing if I was thwarted by this glass.
*The only thing standing between us is this glass.
*Hey Homer I need a fat **s of our fat ball.
*Homer! Come here, I need your obesity!
*Homer, I need your fat ass up here!
*Hey Homer, there's some bacon grease to lick off the skull!
*[When leaving the cave exhibit] Open Sesame!
*Hey, it's those bones Flanders said God planted in the ground fool us!
*[To Dolph] You can't hide behind that flap of hair forever!
*[To Kearney] If you were talking about school I'd agree!
*[To Kearney] No, you're moving too stupid!
*[To Jimbo, in robotic voice] I'm sorry, Jimbo, I'm afraid I can't let you do that!
*Crude, but effective.
*Seeing the grandeur of the Solar System really makes you feel like a big nothing.
*I can't believe they built this space ship without laser guns. What a waste!
*I wonder which of these balls is the world.
*I wonder which planet is the toilet. I gotta take a Bart whiz.
====Attacking enemies====
*Yeah, my superpowers are no match for your flashlight!
*Technically, they're on our side but let's get 'em anyway!
*These guards will be like an amuse bouche before we get to the main course.
*Sorry, did I wake you?
*I've heard better taunts from Ralph.
*SCUM!
*Don't say things you can't take back.
*You're a disgrace to the plastic badge!
*If the uniform makes a man, you must be a pretty crappy man.
*You aren't even able to guard your dignity!
====Defeating enemies====
*Good idea, you guard the floor.
*Ha! Next time, you'll think twice about doing your job!
*I am the greatest!
*Oh geez, I hope he has health insurance.
*Sleep well, sweet idiot!
====When Homer defeats enemies====
*Good use of violence, Dad!
*I hope the security cameras didn't see that Dad!
*I told Mom you weren't a complete loser.
*Way to throw your weight around, Homer!
*Whoa, nicely done, Dad!
=== Wiseguy ===
*We'd better call for back-up. It's a fat guy and a little kid.
*Let me show you to the exit!
*You want some of this, pally?
*Don't worry, they love fat guys and kids in jail.
*You messed with the wrong pally, boy-o!
*You didn't make the suggested donation!
*Where are my manners? Let me introduce you to my nightstick!
*We can do this the hard way or the harder way!
*Well, if it isn't fat man and little boy.
*Taking out the trash is part of the job.
*You've offended my delicate sensibilities.
*Nice.
===Sideshow Mel===
*Look! A rogue buffoon and his delinquent son!
*At least if I get hurt, I'll feel something!
*I am frequently underestimated, never imitated!
*Don't make bravado for pussy-ness!
*I am opening a jar of whoop-derriere!
*I'm warning you, I've studied under a Shaolin!
*Beware! I've unleashed the beast within!
*Prepare for the slapping of a lifetime!
*I haven't mixed it up since I was banned from the Ultimate Fighting Championships.
*Bad news, you've caught me in a killing mood.
*This ends here!
*Assistance! Au-secours!
*God help us! There are barbarians beyond the gate!
*Give up now and no one be need hurt emotionally!
*No hitting below the bone!
*My safe word is "NutraSweet"!
*The security of the museum is in breach! Grave, perilous breach!
=== Dolph ===
* [To Bart] Give it up, Bart. I was all-state hide-and-seek champ.
* Booooones!
===Kearney===
*I hope karma doesn't see this.
*Wanna piece of me?
*My superpower is anger!
*Look at me! I'm Walker, Texas Ranger!
*Let me introduce my fist!
*I have an itch that's driving me crazy!
*The bully has become the nerd!
*Careful, I have a child to care for!
*No fair!
*Retreat!
*Hey, I'm the bully!
*[To Bart] Just give up! You're in over your head!
*You guys aren't exactly the Hardy boys, are you?
*[To Bart] Am I moving too fast for you?!
*[When exiting History of Man] Ooh. ooh Ah aah ahh hah!
*What a fascinating slice of life!
*I don't like the way that donkey's looking at me.
*This moat reminds me of the gap between me and my son.
*Ah, you never see fathers and sons getting their butts kicked together anymore.
=== Jimbo ===
* [To Bart] Bart, you look so insignificant from up here!
*Look up here! I'm in the Ort Belt, dingus!
*I'm totally gonna knock you out of your orbit!
=== Museum's History of Man and Woman Announcer ===
* (Male voice) Welcome to Springfield's History of Man! (Female voice) And woman! (Male voice) and woman.
* (Male voice) Our first diorama depicts early man. One of the traits that set our human forefathers apart was the emergence of the four-fingered hand we know today.
* (Male voice) The Middle Ages were a turbulent time as the vestiges of the Roman Empire smoldered. Castle storming was all the rage. If you weren't storming a castle, you were worse than a loser.
* (Male voice) Get off my dad-gum diorama, Injuns!!!!
* (Male voice) Fire in the hole!
===Planetorium Curator===
*The sun is a mass of incandescant gas. A giant nuclear furnace.
*Three quarters of the Earth is covered by water... The water of life.
*Mercury was named after the Roman god Mercury, a winged messenger.
*The thick clouds that cover Venus create a greenhouse effect. That keeps it in a toasty 8640 degrees fahrenheit.
*If you weight 100 pounds on Earth, you would weigh 38 pounds on Mars due to the smaller mass of the red planet.
*A belt of asteroids separates the four inner planets from the five outer planets. My belt separates my gut from my junk.
*Saturn's seven rings are made of billions of ice particles. Just like the heart of my ex-wife.
*Constant storms rage on the surfaces of Neptune. Who do I have to screw to get a cup of coffee around here? I've been recorded this stuff for hours! Yeesh!
*Pluto is the only planet not yet studied closely by a space probe. 'Cause it's bo-ring.
*How often are you supposed to wash your hair? It's bad if you do it everyday, right?
*In college, I ate another guy's barf to get into a fraternity.
*Armageddon: best second act in movie history.
*What's with Flava Flav and the clock?
*Funny story: I killed the guy who's supposed to make me read the stuff about the planets.
:Jimbo Jones: Remember, people, we came to this museum to steal, not learn. Don't look at any of the displays, stay focused!
Category:Quotes
Category:The Simpsons Game