Swivel's Diary Part II

Entry 16]]
It’s all over the news and people are talking about it everywhere! Toraxxis refinery went KABOOM! I guess the Decepticons tried to take it over or something? There was a fight, then it blew up. Reports say the weird thing is the Decepticons never got in, but it seemed to be blown up from the inside. Well maybe one of them did get in. Or maybe something just malfunctioned because of the fighting outside. Like, it overloaded trying to use all of its security guns or whatever. I guess it doesn’t matter who did it to me. What matters to me is how it will effect the price of energon.
Entry 17]]
Why was Starscream in a bar? WHY WAS STARSCREAM IN A BAR? I mean, he’s kinda wanted. I mean, yeah, it was in Rodion, but still, he’s sort of leaving himself wide open. I mean, someone wants him dead. Lots of someones. Maybe he’s just confident no one will be dumb enough to take him out in public? Or maybe he doesn’t realise the trouble he is in? No. He seems really smart, so I don’t think it’s that. He’s just arrogant, I guess. I mean, I already KNOW he’s arrogant. But stupid? He must know something I don’t. 
Anyway, I took on a temp job cleaning off tables in Maccadams. They payment is just a few free drinks, but that is still fuel when you break it down. So yay! But then the femme I was temping for came in and was all mad thinking that I was trying to steal her job. That wasn’t quite as yay. I also was told not to talk to customers. So I tried not to. But Starscream was making that hard. Is he trying to get me in trouble by talking to me all casual like? Wouldn’t put it past him.
I found out that the person who I bounced off of when I fell meant to try and catch me. How nice of her!
Entry 18]]
Again, Starscream? AGAIN? Stay out of Maccadam’s, please. I don’t have the metal to tell him to stay out. I so want to, though. I also don’t have the right. Bumper, that’s the waitress I temped for, gives me the cold shoulder every time I came in. She shouldn’t have been late or missing shifts if she wants to keep her job. But I don’t want that job, not permanently. Well, I mean, I want the job because it’s a job, but I don’t want to take her job from her. If I get offered a job at Maccadam’s I can’t really refuse. I need the shanix. Especially with the energon shortage. 
I wish Starscream would stop talking to me and calling me by name. If Blurr or Springer or Hot Rod or someone were there…
Entry 19]]
Phew. Got me a job (maybe). I been looking to get back into courier work. Just so happens a place right in Rodion has an opening. Very suddenly. Like I walked in to beg for a job and they were scrambling because one of their employees was dead. Sudden. They gave me the jobs they already assigned to that person because they were backed up, and said if I did that good I could keep the job. If not I’d just be paid a bit for those few jobs and let go. I mean, I don’t feel good that I lucked out because someone died, but how can I refuse when I need the job so bad? Not gonna look at this too closely. I didn’t do anything wrong to get the job, so it’s okay.
Entry 20]]
Well that was nice! Real nice! I got to see Blast Off and catch up with him a bit. I wasn’t too thrilled about going to Vos on one of those temp jobs. But it turned out good because I delivered stuff to Blast Off. He owns a fancy engex shop now. I bet he’s really proud. I could tell he was excited, well as excited as a classy mech like him gets. He was just setting up when I delivered some expensive stuff to him. It was marked handle with care, and because I can’t afford any mistakes, I took lotsa care with it. I didn’t get a tip though. 
There are two kinds of upper-class mechs (and I know he isn’t rich NOW but he used to live in luxury being a shuttle and all). Those who tip generously because they want to ensure they get above-and-beyond service the next time (if there is a next time) and those who don’t tip at all, because they don’t understand why they should give anything to someone for doing their job. Maybe Blast Off is the latter? But I bet it’s just because he got distracted. I mean, I was being all chatty. And Aegis was there. She’s the femme that brought me home to Cybertron. They really got into some really, uh, deep topics. I don’t know if I’d call it an argument, but it was intense. No one got mad really, well, Blast Off got a little huffy, but he does that. It was a lot about the corruption of the government, and terrorists. It was real interesting and i had my own opinions to add, but if I added them, then I’d be there way too long, and I had at least one more drop off before reporting back to Torus Expedience Shipping and Post, or TESP. It says Torus, but they do deliver to places in other states too. Anyway, I couldn’t stay much longer, which was too bad, but oh well.
Entry 21]]
It’s been quiet in Maccadams. I kinda like it. I got something real oily for a change. I mean, it is called the Oilhouse. They haven’t said whether they are keeping me on yet. But I’m thinking it’s likely I’ll get the job at TESP. 
OH PRIMUS WHY!? My quiet night not gonna be quiet now. Starscream just walked in and OH NO HE IS COMING HERE ACK HE IS SITTING AT MY TABLE! Gonna set this aside add to it later.
Well, he’s gone now, so I can continue writing. Mech won’t leave me alone. Don’t he have better things to do? Maybe not. I mean it’s been a long time since he was governor of Vos, I’m sure he’d find ways to take up his time since then. He kept asking about my job and I mentioned someone died. Well I said murdered. It’s true. I found that out a bit later. The mech was murdered during a delivery. He is getting all “I want to make sure you are taken care of so Thundercracker doesn’t whine at me”. I’m not sure if I believe that or not. I’m supposed to not believe anything Starscream says. It’s a rule, you know? An unwritten rule. Never trust a Starscream. It seems like it could be true though. I just don’t know if he actually could keep my ‘protected’ or just get me into more trouble?
Entry 22]]
Why me? Why him? Why this? That explosion was smaller than I thought it’d be, but just glad I got away in time. I was far far away, but I still heard it. I didn’t look. I just kept going. I wasn’t going to stick around Vos after I got Starscream blown up. I KNEW it would be something dangerous That’s why I didn’t make the delivery the first time, but they caught me and made me do it. They just gave me another bomb. I KNEW it was a bomb. I mean, they didn’t say it was a bomb, but I just KNEW it. But they said they’d be watching, and if I don’t want to end up like the mech who hired me the first time… This has been a bad day. Note. Stop accepting drinks from strangers. They might be dosed. I don’t want to go through that again.
Entry 23]]
Well, Starscream survived the blast by throwing it out the window. Least, the rumour mill says it was Starscream who threw it out the window. The news just says damage to residential area is under investigation. But no one was killed, so whew! But does that mean t I failed? I mean, what more could I done? I gave it right to him. No one’s stalked me or sent me threatening messages or dosed my drink lately so they must not be mad with me anymore. But… I don’t think this is the end of it. I gotta be on my guard.
Entry 24]]
Blurr Blurr Blurr. Oh, Blurr. What’s it about him that always makes me wanna dig my heels in? I mean, I crumble to most people, and I don’t think Blurr is being unreasonable. But I just feel so… stubborn when he’s around. I mean, yeah, I forgive him for his part he played in that whole recall thing. It wasn’t really his fault. And it won’t really be his fault if I join up and end up getting screwdrived by the Autobots, except for the part where he got me to join. But he won’t accept it got little to do with trusting him, it’s to do with not trusting the Autobots. He can’t vouch for the top because he ISN’T the top. The same people who controlled him could control me! Why can’t he see that? Is because I don’t trust his judgement that the government is less corrupt? I guess in a way I don’t trust him, if that’s the way he sees it. But I don’t think even if I did trust him fully he’d believe it. I don’t think he can trust, so he can’t believe others can trust. And I don’t think he can accept good things because he did some bad things. But how can I get it across that I understand, that I care, but I’m not ready to make a commitment like that? I don’t want to help either side in the war, really. I mean, if I help them indirectly, that’s one thing, but…
Entry 25]]
Well I have the job, but I am not being given many of them and get paid commission. Really, it’s tips I rely on. But it’s more than I was doing. I’m on my way. I never needed much to get by before and now it isn’t different. I got a job lined up for Vos. One of the other couriers is a flier, so I wonder why I am going to Vos? They’d get there much quicker. Maybe that courier got a bad rep in Vos? Or maybe they already got a big workload. I kinda wanna ask, but I’m worried they might think I was giving them attitude. It’s not attitude. It’s curiousity. The two get mixed up a lot. I wonder why?
Been a good cycle, actually. Relaxed at Maccadams with a nice drink, no one bullied me, and I overheard some fun conversations. Nothing I’m gonna repeat here, though. It’s one of those ‘you’d have to have been there’ things. I’m working so I feel better about myself. And no maroon mechs have followed me in a while. 
Entry 26]]
Deepest Pits! That was… so that is why I dropped off at Vos. The mech there specified a non-flier. Then I got there, they invited me in while they got me a tip. Then out of nowhere another mech shows up, shouting and being all angry and demanding to know what I was doing there, and before I could tell them I was just dropping something off, there were all these accusations I could not make sense of. Then they literally threw me out, while the other mech I made the delivery to tried to get them to calm down. From what I could figure out, that mech thinks grounders should stay beneath the plate. So why did the other mech order a grounder? Was this just to annoy their roommate? I can still hear them yelling at each other. Oh, someone’s coming gotta put this away!
Entry 27]]
I don’t wanna go. That mech, the flier I danced with, that mech… I still don’t know his name! But I learned Bar-Jerk’s name. It’s Quantum. Dance-mech found me at Vos and he wasn’t alone. Sure, there was just one other seeker, and she didn’t say or do much, but I knew if I didn’t go along with things, she probably WOULD do something and it would not be a good thing for me! I don’t WANT to go looking for Quantum, but Dance guy says I have to. I already told him where I saw him last, but that wasn’t enough. He said he was going to make sure my intel was good, and then I was going to help him find his brother, whatever that means. 
What does it mean to him, I wonder? I mean… after living with squishies, brother means they come from the same other squishies. They are so weird! They can make each other! Like, in their bodies! Their new sparks don’t just pop out of the ground! Okay, so they aren’t called new sparks. They are called offspring. It’s so backwards and weird. I once asked where their sparks were kept, and they looked at me strangely. But I guess I was pretty strange to them because I could open myself up in parts. They are covered in a weird stretchy thing that doesn’t give much protection. 
So to them a brother is someone born from the same mother. A mother is like a femme, and the femmes can make new kinds of their species by laying eggs. The eggs hatch, and a tiny, helpless, thing comes out that, I guess, will eventually look like one of the mature ones. Would my brother or sister be someone who was forged at the same hotspot? The translator translated amica endura to brother the first time I tried talking with them and it caused a lot of confusion. Dance guy called Quantum his brother, but the words he uses are a lot like words used by off-worlders, which makes sense, since he’s a foreigner. So are Quantum and Dance-guy amica endura? I wonder. 
Still, I don’t want to go. But I should. What good are morals if I ignore them when I have to do something I don’t wanna do? I should help because I got him in trouble by botching the job in the first place. But he should have known better than to expect me to do the job after that whole hostage thing in the bar. This all stinks to the deepest pits.
I was just thinking… what is a femme and what is a mech? Why are we different? I mean… what makes me a femme and someone else a mech? It’s not just function, because two Cybertronians, one femme, and one mech, can have the same alt mode and function. What is a femme? Why am I one? Why are there so few? I never thought about it before. To the Belvarod, the squishies I traveled with, a femme is also a mother. Well, when it gets big enough, I think. The mechs don’t make their own. They just help program them, I think. I didn’t ask too much because I was already confused. But they have lots more femmes than we do, and their femmes can do something so amazing! If my function was making new sparks, I’d not have been at the bottom that is for sure!
Entry 28]]
Why am I being dragged into all of this? It’s really Quantum’s fault. And now I am being pushed and pulled this way and that to find him. And he is so grabby! Not Quantum, the other guy. Pushes me around, picks me up without warning and flies off… I mean I’m used to being treated like a lesser person, but a person! He treats me like a thing. I wonder is this is what the YX units feel like? 
So I got taken back to that warehouse. It was full of junk and stains. I don’t know what is going on. We weren’t there long. I heard gunshots outside, hid, then was grabbed by Grabby-mech and taken away. I mean, yeah, we found out who makes the bombs like the one I delivered to Starscream, but so what? Am I going to be dragged to Luna-2 now? Well, at least I found some stuff to sell. Old casings, medical tools, scrap… there are folk that refill shells, and others happy to have anything sharp or meltable. I wonder if I can use Starscream to get Grabby to back off?
Entry 29]]
So, what is someone really saying when they love you? I know I told people that before and they get awkward. Now it’s my turn to feel awkward. I wouldn’t feel so awkward if Blurr wasn’t so awkward saying it, like it was really hard or scary to do so, which means it’s not that fun time friendly love I feel for people. But if that were it, it could be said as an offhand remark. So this is probably more like the sort of love in those movies Solder liked. But what am I supposed to do with that? That’s just stuff in songs and stories. I guess I never really thought of it as something in my own reality. But that kind of love makes people all weird and jealous and obsessive. Is it really a good thing? Seems kinda like a symptom of insanity. So why did I go and tell Blurr that I have Decepticon friends? Well, yeah, I was hoping he’d arrest me to keep me out of Grabby’s reach. But I think by that point I knew no other things would get him to understand why I can’t be an Autobot. Of course, he’s mad and feeling betrayed. But I didn’t make him no promises or anything, so it’s really not betrayal. There was no understanding that I was ever going to be an Autobot. I mean, I’m betraying the law, I guess. But they betrayed me first. Right? I’ll keep telling myself that.
But really… I just wish Blurr could understand that the things I’m involved in would make being an Autobot more dangerous. Maybe I should just tell him I’m involved in things I wasn’t trying to get involved in. But then he’ll just try to fix it and make it worse. Or maybe he’ll actually fix it and make it better? But then I might get him in trouble. I don’t want him pulled under anymore. He’s already been deep in things and I don’t want to get him in again. I don’t want him to think he has to go back into things like that for my sake. What do I do? Maybe I should try writing him something. Can’t interrupt a writing. I dunno.
Entry 30]]
I hope it’s over! Grabby finally rescued his brother. I don’t get why he had to drag me all the way to Luna-2. I mean, what good was I gonna do for him anyway? I already told him all I knew. And I’m not a sneaky or a fighter, really, I’d just get in the way! I think I really slowed him down and he got hurt kinda bad. I think it woulda gone better if he left me out of it. But he got Quantum back, so… yeah. That should be done with. 
It’s what I saw at the place we went to that worries me. Those things… they looked like the things that folk were salvaging in Nyon. The things that freaked out Hot Rod. I need to ask him about them. And I saw that Ricochet guy. Scared the heck outta me when he found me and tried to grab me. I don’t know what he wanted with me, but said something that worried me. I don’t remember what exactly, but it was like… he was going to use me for something really awful. What scares me the most is that Ricochet guy was also talking to an Autobot officer. I don’t remember his name, but I seen him once or twice before. Well. Should I tell Hot Rod or Blurr what I saw? Will they believe me? Probably not. So maybe I won’t. But now I know I can’t be an Autobot. Blurr might as well just go ahead and hate me, because I don’t think he’ll ever let himself hate the Autobots. It’s what he believes in and I don’t wanna take that away from him.