Cable Guy

Not to be confused with the character based on a different Larry.
Cable Guy is a player character from Shadow Palaces, played by Kaiju. He is a human ranger best known for his love of booze and wacky antics.
== Personality ==
Cable Guy is a drunk Southerner stereotype with a love of tobacco, guns, trucks and beer. He has a sponsorship with Prilosec, a heartburn medication, and shills it.
== History ==
=== Shadow Palaces ===
Cable Guy was first seen in GonzoMart, asking if Heinrich partakes in consumption of Prilosec. Heinrich told him that he preferred Alka-Seltzer. Cable Guy asked Heinrich if he chewed tobacco, to which the latter said he smokes cigarettes. The duo had a prolonged argument about the health issues revolving around both, with Boris taking Cable Guy's side vocally, and Marcus taking Heinrich's side in silence by lighting a cigarette. Cable Guy was among the ones to vocalize interest in the Midnight Channel.
After the party decided they wanted to enter the Midnight Channel themselves, Cable Guy invited them into his crack-house apartment. Cable Guy warned of roaches in the bathroom, and also warned of rats that would nibble on their toes. He then told them not to sit on his bed, but he allowed them to sit on the sofa. When Heinrich complained about the room's sulphury smell, Cable Guy told him that he shat in the bathroom several days prior, just never flushing it, which made Heinrich sick to his stomach, prompting him to start coughing violently.
As the Midnight Channel came on, Cable Guy and Boris both thought it was SpongeBob on the TV, before they witnessed Marcus stick his palm up to the TV and get stuck inside it. After Marcus fell half-way through the TV, Cable Guy went to get his work gloves to avoid getting slimed. After this, he accidentally tripped into the TV, only getting his hand slimed as Marcus pulled him out. Cable Guy went to get a beer before Marcus somehow obtained a picture of Cable Guy stripping, posting it on social media with the comment "Midnight Channel with Larry", despite Cable Guy not stripping.
After this, Cable Guy volunteers to be the first to fully enter the Midnight Channel, and by proxy the Metaverse. After being tied to a rope, he jumped in, being welcomed by Bartholomew. Thinking he was really drunk and hallucinating, he rushed to leave, but couldn't. Soon, his fellow party members jumped in after him, with Marcus landing directly on top of Cable Guy.
Bartholomew told Cable Guy his name, and told him that the Metaverse is made from the hopes and dreams of everyone. Cable Guy then proceeded to grab Bartholomew and screamed at him to let him out. Bartholomew then inked on Cable Guy, the event shortly being followed by the arrival of Shadows. Bart gave Cable Guy some weapons to use, being a shotgun and a hunting knife. Cable Guy and Boris took out the first two Shadows, with Cable Guy taking out another from the next wave. After the next room was entered and Marcus started the conga line shenanigans, Cable Guy successfully convinced the Shadows to join in the conga line after Boris failed to convince them.
In the exit room, Cable Guy jumped through TV #3, falling into someone's apartment. After the police were called, Cable Guy fled back into the Metaverse just in time for Boris to find the right exit. After Marcus called the police about being "covered in jizz", Felix arrived to answer the call, questioning if Cable Guy was the man that jumped out of the TV mere minutes prior. Discarding the question, Cable Guy yelled to Felix about the squid in the TV, before the latter wrote the former off as crazy, due to Felix being unable to enter the TV at that time. Cable Guy then teamed up with Marcus to convince Felix to stay a while instead of doing public service, offering him a beer.
Of the three party members to attempt to make a crazy hamburger, Cable Guy was the first to finish his, but was by no means the worst cook. Cable Guy force-fed Boris the burger with the help of Marcus restraining him, and Cable Guy later force-fed Boris Heinrich's somehow-radioactive burger. He did not, however, participate in Marcus force-feeding Boris the third rancid burger, instead questioning why Felix didn't intervene, to which Felix claimed he was too drunk.
When the Midnight Channel opened once again, Cable Guy eagerly jumped into the TV like a reverse Fat Albert, and due to his drunken stupor, he viewed Bartholomew as "a lady squid with huge honkers", and proceeded to try and have sex with the animal. Heinrich and Marcus both stood their ground to try and restrain him from doing so, but despite Cable Guy and Marcus' honorable performances on both ends, Heinrich lost his grip, allowing Cable Guy to get his way, with Cable Guy remarking that he was "about to cum", while the party and Felix watched in horror as Cable Guy and Bartholomew ejaculated on everyone, the only one able to escape being Heinrich. After this moment, Cable Guy cuddled with Felix on a bed that had suddenly appeared, doing so in an incredibly heterosexual way. After this, Cable Guy did not do much of note in any of Bart's trials.
Cable Guy witnessed the arrival of Benny and Maxwell, and later witnessed the awakening of Bart's Persona. In the first few floors of the tower that arrived in the Metaverse, Cable Guy did not do much of note, apart from assisting in battle.
After this point, Cable Guy disappeared for reasons as of yet unknown, but Marcus proposed that Cable Guy may have overdosed whilst playing Overwatch 2.
== Notable Moments ==
* Arguing with Heinrich about tobacco
* Leaving a shit to fester for days
* Screaming at Bartholomew
* Convincing the Shadows to join the conga
* Fat Albert-ing both in and out of the TV on multiple occasions
* Creating the first of several crazy hamburgers
* Having sex with Bartholomew and then cheating on him to spoon with Felix
== Trivia ==
* Cable Guy takes heavy inspiration from real-life comedian Larry the Cable Guy.