Dynamo

Dynamo, legal name Paul Steven Helmsworth, also known as Dynabro, The Prime Chosen One, and The Visored One is a character living in present (and eventually future) times within the Jilm Lore. He is a 29 year old middle school dropout, currently unemployed and stealing his grandmothers desperately needed government subsidized money, which he uses to buy video games and copious amounts of weed to drug high school girls with. Along with his friends Sufferthorn and Steve he forms The Badabing Club, the trio that leads The Jilm Lore during Big Jilm's long sleep and after Little Jilm's death.
Much of Dynamo's personality and actions can be summarized as a extreme desire to live within a 2007 time capsule of his high school life, when his grandfather was still alive and his friends mostly tolerated his bullshit. This is perfectly displayed with his banging of high school girls; his pathological ignorance and stupidity causes him to commit vile acts such as this pretty much constantly in order to escape the failure that is his current existence. 
He would eventually be known as The Visored One who fulfilled the prophecy to destroy The Evil One in the far future. After that his age would become effectively infinite, though his outward appearance remains as his 27 year old self. He also chills with Jesus and Optimus Prime. It is possible he has many bastard children, though this is as of now unconfirmed.
Along with the Jilm Brothers he is one of the most important beings in all of history due to his status as a messiah and savior of the entire Multiverse, and as such his page here is truly expansive.
== Personality ==
 "I be sitting here, farting out my shaft"
-Sayings of The Visored One, Chapter III Section V, by The HistorianDynamo is everything a person should not be. He is arrogant, self centered, a known pedophile and rapist, a leech on society and an utter embarrassment and annoyance to his supposed friends and family. He routinely fucks middle school girls by bribing and coercing them with weed and LSD he either steals or buys with stolen money. He then dumps them off once used and rides off on his bike. It is worth noting most of the girls must ride the pegs cause Dynamo is either too broke or too lazy to get a side attachment or tandem bike. He also tends to call people f--s
He is known to have dropped out of school around eleventh grade, claiming it a "waste of time" and that he needed to "up his gamer level". He has never had a job. He smokes weed constantly in inappropriate places, like in his friends expensive submarine which cost 2 million dollars yet Dynamo does it over and over again. The weed consumption is finally catching up with him however, as small pains in his chest bring him great worry at night when hes left alone. His health problems are compounded by his exclusive consumption of Mountain Dew and Kid Cuisine meals, causing chronic diarrhea and dehydration. The lack of nutrition probably explains the almost constant feverish state his body is in, along with his acne and straw-like hair.
Whenever speaking with another person he will usually attempt to be as black and hood as possible, including using the word "ni**a" hundreds of times within only a short time frame. If someone is actually disagreeing with him for once or offering him resistance in any way whatsoever he will begin to make his voice higher pitched, starting off only mildly annoying before quickly becoming unbearable. Along with the high pitched voice will usually be the phrase "like dog " or "like come on dog " in quick succession over and over again. I must note that each time he repeats these it takes him genuine mental effort; As in, he actually has to process the "like " and " dog " separately with a several second pause in between. This is most likely due to him not only being constantly high but also having below abysmal language skills. 
== Physical Characteristics ==
They call me soft-serve down at the Brap Barn 
-Musings of The Visored One, Chapter IV section VI, by The Historian
Dyamo is a ginger young adult man who is almost always seen wearing his trademark visor and trench coat, along with ripped stained skinny jeans. He goes commando under his jeans to quote "always be ready to partay" .As he does not wash his clothes and rarely bathes, combined with his constant diarrhea, he smells like shit at all times, hot lava squirting violently out of his vile volcanic chocolate hole; this is of course exacerbated by the cloud of weed he is always surrounded with. Its actually astounding how his friends can stand his presence or how any girls can be seduced by him. 
As stated in the personality section he is in atrocious health. He is horrendously skinny fat and short. As he grew up fairly poor his short stature isn't really his fault, but the awful diet he has kept since is. He eats nothing but Kid Cuisine and Flintstones push pops.I mean NOTHING else, even when goaded by his friends to try more. His only fluid intake is Mountain Dew, with his last known consumption of water being sometime in the early 2000s.Combined with his total lack of exercise, he is truly in abysmal shape. Steve managed to shatter both his elbows with minimal effort and he gets winded after only 4 thrusts of intercourse or 10 paces of jogging, his lungs long since being fucked by all the stated factors. The fact he is even alive is nothing short of a miracle. 
== History ==
Dynamo was born Paul Steven Helmsworth on June 26 1995 in Providence Hospital in Cook Illinois, to Martha Helmsworth and an unknown father. His circumcision was botched, leading him to have a fucked up penis later in life. It is known he had a difficult upbringing. His father was never in the picture and his mother was an alcoholic drug addicted prostitute, with a pimp known as Upgrayedd sodomizing the young Paul through his early years. It was for these reasons he was taken from his mother and placed in his grandparents care at age 7.He moved with them to the California city of Los Santos, and it was here the Dynamo we know now begins to come to light. It would eventually become known that Paul's father was one Captain Pollution, who had raped his mom at some point in 1994.This goes a long way to explaining his rapist tendency and lack of intelligence.
The move to Los Santos was helpful to the young Paul, but he still got into constant trouble. He was hooked on weed and cocaine by the age of 12 and routinely tried to drug and seduce the younger girls at his schools (schools in plural cause he had to change schools 13 times for rape charges). His grades were horrendous and he was held back multiple times for various reasons, one of which being he showed up to the final tests high on bath salts and tried to fuck the teacher while dressed as Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs. His last years of school would prove fortuitous however, as this was when he met his lifelong pals Steve and Sufferthorn and officially adopted the name Dynamo to supplant his own, probably in an attempt to distance himself emotionally from the pain that name brought in his mind (though Dynamo does not have the emotional intelligence to realize that himself of course). Sufferthorn was like Dynamo in many ways, a kindred spirit of sorts, and the two would stay friends for the rest of their lives. Steve however, was not like Dynamo. They were opposites in every conceivable way, and in truth Steve always hated him and tried to leave this one sided arrangement many times. Dynamo always kept on him though, finding Steve useful as a patsy for Dynamo's numerous crimes and infractions. 
With school abandoned Dynamo, now 16, set out for the rest of his life, which amounted to little more than fucking young girls and getting high while wasting his grandparents money on stupid shit. His grandfather tried in vain to reel him in, but it proved unsuccessful, and when he died in 2007 Dynamo felt little for him. His grandmother was less strong of will and has never been able to get him to leave or stop mooching off her. In her old age shes stopped really trying, preferring to die somewhat peacefully instead. It was also around this time that he first saw the films Surfs Up and Over the Hedge, which would have a profound impact on Dynamo in the years to come, with him preferring to go to Surfs Up's opening over attending Christian's funeral. 
This is around the time he would begin making bike and skate trick montages with Sufferthorn, including the now much-studied "In Da Club", all of which were produced under Dynamo's made up production company DynaDawg Productions. 
== Badabing Years ==
The formation of The Badabing Club (Later Badabing Incorporated, much later Badabing Interplanetary) was the biggest thing to ever happen to Dynamo, Sufferthorn and Steve, though none knew it when they signed the oath in Sufferthorn's basement one Sunday night in 2013. With the Badabing Club they started out performing bike tricks ,stealing shit and generally being dumbasses while Steve tried his best to be as dissociated as possible, but it soon became more serious when Sufferthorn began to smuggle drugs under the Badabing Banner. Dynamo didn't do any of the work of course, but he did like the money he stole from the two when he could. With it he bought a new bike, more drugs and gave even more STIs to middle school girls in the playground around 11:30.
The club soon grew in scope, and it eventually was founded into a proper, publicly traded company known as Badabing Incorporated. It was around this time Sufferthorn and Dynamo had a split of sorts. Neither of the men ever stopped being friends, but Sufferthorn became more vocal about Dynamo's idiotic bullshit and Dynamo of course resented finally being called out by the one person that mattered to him in some way. Steve and Sufferthorn grew closer as the needs of the company grew, and Steve was eventually promoted to being the leader of the arms and vehicle division (which would eventually be known for introducing the Badabing class freighter during the early years of space travel). Dynamo grew rich from it in ways you can imagine and purchased a massive playboy pent-house in the hills of the city,doing whatever degenerate shit you can imagine in there.
They took on many contracts, from robbing drug islands to helping Lester steal from a casino so he could bang some Asian chick. Please give a moment of silence for the lady who had to have his disgusting frog-shrimp penis shoved inside of her. The money they gained was pretty ridiculous and led them to buy increasingly extravagant things, except for Steve who usually refused the ill gotten gains.
Life was good for the three, until they were needed for a higher calling.
== Saving the World ==
The three were contacted at some point by the American government, being told they needed to stop the Russians and some sort of hacker from ending life as we know it. They took up the job for the money, and began doing the missions required. It was then they discovered how long and terrible it would be, taking months to finally save the world and feeling little accomplishment from doing so. They got like 15 dollars in total and had spent 300,000 of their own money in the preparations.
== The Freeze ==
After that debacle,Dynamo would soon find something else stupid to fixate on,this time being the launch of the Playstation 7.Feeling an almost holy need to acquire it,he set about finding a plan to do so quickly. He then lured his two friends to a local cryogenic facility, before exclaiming his plan to freeze himself and them for the two day wait for the console. Steve finally tried to murder Dynamo,but before he could the freezing process began and all of them were caught with it. Unfortunately for them the machine was set for 1000 years because Dynamo is an idiot.
== Badabing 3000 ==
Upon awakening in the year 3008 Steve and Sufferthorn were overcome with shock and grief at the situation they now found themselves in, with everything and everyone they loved now long gone.Dynamo on the other hand found it pretty "awesome sauce" and enjoyed being let go of any responsibility he may have still had (like caring for his grandma, who died of starvation soon after him leaving). The three then went about bringing The Badabing Club into this new time, though Sufferthorn soon realized he couldnt take back control of Badabing Interplanetary as no one believed he was really the founder.
== Interactions with The Cosmic Alliance ==
With the new life extension technologies accessible to humanity 1000 years in the future, the Badabing club managed to live all the way to The Cosmic Alliance's extension of membership to Earth in the year 3867, and they found this new political system to be quite strange to say the least. Though Dynamo found one facet of this new life very accommodating to his lack of morality; new teen year old girls to bang across the entire galaxy. So thats what he did. As Steve and Sufferthorn eventually managed to gain control over Badabing Interplanetary as the millennia wore on, Dynamo fucked millions of young girls. Such was his success that he become second only to The Jilms in rape. Of course, Dynamo and the rest of The Badabing Club would soon become very familiar with a Jilm...
== The Intergalactic Jilm war ==
When Big Jilm was thawed from his ancient ice tomb a shock wave of malice was felt across the entire cosmos. Though the Badabing club didn't know it yet, a long foretold prophecy was being played out as the greatest war that will ever occur began. Neither Dynamo nor Steve or Sufferthorn watched The Thaw's broadcast live, but they quickly learned about it as did just about everyone else in the galaxy. They were luckily not on Domus when Big Jilm reached it, and could only watch from Badabing Headquarters as the entire planet was raped and razed by the bearded terror. With the destruction of Domus the Cosmic Alliance was thrown into utter chaos, as they had no weapons of war due to a long held tradition of pacifism. Badabing Interplanetary was in fact one of the few companies in the Alliance that still produced arms and warships, and it was them that would help build what would become The Cosmic Military.
Of course Dynamo was not paying attention to any of this, as he is Dynamo and barely grasps how to get his weed every day. But he was still a shareholder in Badabing Interplanetary due to Sufferthorn's kindness, and as the profits from the millions upon millions of orders came in Dynamo become one of the richest beings in the whole of the Cosmic Alliance. What was left of it anyway.
As Badabing began its final rise to glory Astral Jilm continued his scourge, razing 120 planets in the few short weeks after his dramatic thawing. The worst of this was to eventually be known as The Battle of Planet Evermore, which saw the death of trillions of people including the esteemed Adam Sandler.His death hit Dynamo hard, as Jack and Jill was one of his favorite films. You can tell shit was getting bad at this point as now even Dynamo is taking notice of the sheer numbers of casualties. It was only a short time into the war when The Cosmic Civil War would begin, as the Alliances policies of peace and democracy were now seen by some as the very things that led to their current crisis. This faction would proclaim the ascension of Advena I as the first Emperor of the Galactic Imperial Federation. This action would turn the Jilm War from a crisis into a full blown catastrophe, as civil conflict caused trillions more deaths and the collapse of multiple regions of space into brutal infighting. The amount of deaths due to rape, cannibalism and suicide will never be fully known. Countless species went extinct, including the beloved Goed Frog-People.
The Badabing Boys had to evacuate multiple times when planets they were on became too unstable for even them to live on. By the time of the civil war they had taken to living on isolated ships and space stations as Sufferthorn dealt with the monumental task of managing Badabing Interplanetary's war time production. He would work closely with Advena I during these years, aiding the Emperor in securing much of the republicans heartlands. Dynamo did fuck all to help of course, just banging more teenagers while snorting space crack, which is several thousands times stronger than normal crack. Steve found himself organizing Badabing Interplanetary's arms divisions, where he proved very capable.
The death toll was truly unimaginable. Even Dynamo found it all hard to deal with, which contributed to his growing reliance on more exotic and hardcore space drugs and alcohol. As he was also cut off from his beloved Kid Cuisine ( which he had single handedly restarted production of when he was unfrozen) his diet became more haphazard as well, with his already weak frame devolving until he resembled a late-stage aids patient. It was at this time he was approached by The Watchers.
== Prophecy ==
The Watchers told Dynamo about The Prophecy, and how he was destined to kill The Dark God and bring peace to the galaxy once more. As you can expect he went completely ego crazy when he heard this, even by Dynamo standards. He crafted a cult based around himself being the "Savior of the Multiverse" and milked it for all it was worth, including extensive merchandising by Sufferthorn. Steve was understandably pissed and outraged at this fact, as a literal rapist pedophile was now in charge of saving the galaxy and somehow killing a creature that had so far been proven indestructible, even against the might of Alf Landon and the Badabing Militia. Steve fully broke off relations from the two, finally shattering the Badabing Club after millennia of its existence. Dynamo tried to act unfazed but it became clear around this time that he harbored much unexpected affections for Steve, bordering on obsession. He flew to Steve's new pad SteveStation and played Peter Gabriel out of a boombox for several days at a time, but to no avail. The stupidity of that action is amplified when you realize sound doesn't travel in space.
File:Dynadog.png
File:Sufferthorn1.png
File:Steve1.png
File:Granny.png
File:D666979d1fa0780c6eb45dbdf247b49f--fitness-sport-body-fitness.jpg
File:Cartoon Dynamo.png
=== See Also ===
Dynamo C-3
== Trivia ==
* He has almost never earned money for himself; anytime he did it tended to go towards utterly stupid shit like a penthouse casino room for himself that he never paid any rent for after the 300,000 dollar down payment.
* He is still unable to point out Illinois on a map.
* His eye color is thought to be green, though with the constant use of the visor this can be a debated question.
* He lost his virginity at 10.
* He had his first Kid Cuisine at 7 and has ate nothing since.
Category:Main Characters
Category:Rapist
Category:Badabing Club
Category:Gods
Category:Dyna-Pages