Ugh (English dub)

Ugh (English dub) is the English dub of the episode of the same name. Only the animated segments were dubbed into the english language.
==Transcript==
** Narrator: Ah, dawn breaks over the primordial sea. [We submerge into the prehistoric Pacific ocean to see a muddy swamp] It's here that millions of years ago, life began taking its first clumsy steps out of the darkness, opening its newly- formed eyeballs to stare into the blinding light of intelligence, in order to- Umm... never mind. This happened a long time ago.
** [We pan over to prehistoric Conch street, where three houses similar to SpongeBob's pineapple, Patrick's rock, and Squidward's Easter Island Head, except SpongeBob's house has a fern growing out of the top, Squidward's is more like a monkey-shaped head, and Patrick's has no bamboo weathervane. These are prehistoric homes to the three's cavemen ancestors. In caveman SpongeBob's house, it is one large, empty room with cave drawings of him jellyfishing on the walls and rocks and bones on a shelf above his blanket, which he sleeps under. Back outside, a giant purple dinosaur fish wakes up under a beam of sunlight to gurgle out a call similar to SpongeBob's foghorn alarm clock. The sound waves cause the rock to rattle off a shelf and it falls on the prehistoric sponge's head. Alarmed, Sponge shrieks, but calms down when he notices the rock. He laughs and shoves the rock back on the shelf. He then takes his hide blanket from on the floor and puts it on as a pair of caveman pants. He puts one arm through a sleeve and walks outside of his pineapple, dragging a vine behind him]
** SpongeGar: I'm ready! Come out, Gary.
** Prehistoric Gary: Meow.
** SpongeGar: Gary! Come out!
** [SpongeGar walks into the clearing with the vine, and we that it's a leash and he's walking a dinosnail Gary]
** Gary: Meow.
** [Leaves behind a long trail of slime. SpongeGar and Gary walk past the primitive tiki lair that holds prehistoric Squidward, who looks out the window to see a path of blue slime on his path]
** Squog: Huh? Grrr...
** [He is about to walk outside, but stops]
** Squog: Wait a minute...
** [He imagines himself babbling in anger at Gary, and Gary uses his eyes to smash him into a splattered octopus. Squog raises himself but Gary simply smashes him some more then he jumps over his crushed body and slithers away]
** Squog: Hmm...
** [He runs over and picks up two clubs. He debates with himself over which one to use. He takes the bigger one and walks out chuckling. The club left behind cries. Squog approaches SpongeGar and Gary, who are out in the clearing]
** Squog: SpongeGar! SpongeGar! Look! Don't let Gary's slime out! [Dino Gary rolls his eyes and slithers away as Squog displays a small pile of snail slime and points to his front walkway, covered in the snail goop] He left a trail! He left! He left!
** SpongeGar: He left a trail? Hmm... He left a trail?
** [Squog fumes and stamps off, but slips on the snail slime, sliding as if on a "Slip 'n' Slide", screaming for SpongeGar's help. But SpongeGar is too busy pondering the meaning of Squog's demand. Squog slams into caveman Patrick's rock, which opens, revealing Patrick's ancestor sticking to the underside of it as Patrick often does]
** Patar: Patar!
** [He walks over to Squog, who is covered in snail slime, but not sliding any longer]
** Patar: Hmm... Yuk! [sniffs his slime coating] Blecch! [tastes some of the slime cautiously] Blecch! [takes out a salt shaker and adds some salt to the slime and tastes it again. This time it appears to be somewhat palatable, and he is satisfied, giving two thumbs up] Great!
** [Squog gets angry and shakes the slime off himself]
** Squog: Patar! Grrr...
** Patar: Squog! [laughs and hugs him] I love Squog!
** [He squeezes him so tightly, that the veins in his arms pop out, and Squog is slightly strangled]
** Patar: Squog.
** Squog: [gets strangled even harder] Eeek!
** Patar: Squog!
** [SpongeGar notices Patar]
** SpongeGar: Patar!
** [Patar sees him and lets go of Squog, and Squog passes out onto the ground. The two run up to each other]
** Patar: SpongeGar! [SpongeGar smiles and hits himself on the head. Patar smiles and punches himself in the face a couple times. SpongeGar pulls out his nose and lets it go, slamming it back into his face. He screams, then stops when his nose comes out of his face and smiles. Patar pulls his lower lip over his head, and it tears off. He screams, then smiles] SpongeGar!
** SpongeGar: Patar.
** Squog: Pfffffttt!
** [Patar and SpongeGar hug]
** Squog: SpongeGar and Patar have no brains. Heh, heh. Brains... [about to walk home again, when he slips on the slime trail again, and slides for a moment longer before sliding into his clay monkey head house and crashing into the back wall, where cave paintings of hunters with arrows point at his exposed rear and speaks muffled] Ouch... [Back in the sand field across from the row of homes, SpongeGar reaches into his pants and pulls out half of a coconut shell with juice inside. He howls in glee. Patar sniffs it. SpongeGar gets a log and pours the liquid into it and blows into a hollow branch sticking out of the top of it, producing a bubble in a hole on the other side of the log. Patar tries to take cover from the bubble, but then sees it pop and realizes it's harmless and that there is no need to protect himself from it. So he claps and howls in delight. Then, clouds appear and it begins to rain. Patar then claps again and the rain stops, and the clouds relocate themselves. Patar smiles. SpongeGar tries his hand at it, but the rain stall. A few moments later, the clouds re-appear and it rains. Both cheer. Patar claps, and the rain ceases once more. The two get excited, and clap excessively. The rain begins, but won't stop. Next, thunder sounds, and the two stop their howling. Patar claps again, but lightning flashes, causing the two to panic. Squog watches them from the second story window in his house] Patar and SpongeGar are crazy. I don't bother. I'm smart.
** [Squog starts to paint when thunder sounds, and lightning strikes the log. Squog looks out his window and gasps to see that the bubble-blowing log has been ignited in flames, and Patar and SpongeGar have been injured by the lightning]
** Squog: Patar! SpongeGar!
** [Both get up and run behind a rock, startled. They peek out from behind it to see the fire. SpongeGar, Squog, and Patar slowly approach it, quaking. Squog sniffs it and sticks his hand into it. His hand burns and he takes it out and screams in pain. He sucks his hand afterwards. SpongeGar and Patar put their hands in]
** Both: Huh? Hmmm... Uh-huh, Uh-huh... Ahhh...
** [Suddenly, both scream, and all three suck their hands. Then, Patrick sniffs his, and turns away from it. Then, he adds salt and gnaws on his hand, then growls and crawls away, thinking that SpongeGar and Squog will eat it. He then gnaws his hand away from SpongeGar and Squog. They don't want it, but they slurp because they’re hungry. SpongeGar sees two plants]
** SpongeGar: Flowers!
** [As he runs over to get them, Squog calls him a protozoa]
** Squog: Moron.
** [SpongeGar is walking back when he trips and the plants fly into the fire]
** Squog: SpongeGar!
** [He angrilly speaks gibberish. When he's done, he turns to see that Patar is salting his burnt hand. When Patar goes to bite Squog's hand, Squog smashes his head in with a stick]
** Squog: Patar! Go away!
** [Patar crawls away disappointedly. SpongeGar stares at Squog's stick, the two plants in the fire, then the stick again, then the plants, back and forth. We hear mystical music as he looks at the two faster and faster. Then, we see the four live-action singers in barber-shop garb with gray mustaches. Suddenly, SpongeGar gets an idea]
** SpongeGar: Aha! Squog! Squog! [motions towards the stick] Give it to me! Hmm? [Squog nods happily and hits SpongeGar on the head with the stick] No! No! No!
** [He slowly impales one of the plants with the stick. He sniffs it and then eats it. He then begins jumping up and down in delight, hooting. Apparently, it tasted good. Squog watches him. Then, SpongeGar offers the other plant to Squog, who hesitantly takes it and eats it. But he ends up liking it, and hoots and jumps up and down as SpongeGar watches. He and SpongeGar then shake hands]
** Squog: You're a genius, SpongeGar! A genius! You're not stupid!
** [A speech balloon appears from Squog's mouth with Albert Einstein in it. Later, SpongeGar, Patar, and Squog have a cookout. SpongeGar sticks a marshmallow-like plant through the stick, and roasts it in the fire and eats it. Squog does the same with a piece of coral. Patar toasts a stick and eats it, puncturing his lips]
** SpongeGar: Patar! Uh-uh. Watch me!
** [Mr. Krabs' ancestor scuttles by]
** Prehistoric Krabs: Money! Money! Hello! Money! Money! Money! Money! Money! He...Agh! [SpongeGar steps on him, takes Patar's stick, and impales him.]
** Patar: [takes the stick, puts it in the fire, and then eats it. He burps. The three jump up and down hooting and hollering. The scene freezes.]
** Narrator: Hooray. It looks like our prehistoric pals have just discovered fire, but they will soon learn that when you play with fire, you may get burned. Stay tuned.
**
** Narrator: When we last saw our hungry troglodytes, they just discovered fire. How long will it take for them to mess it up? Let's see. [scene continues as SpongeGar, Patar, and Squog continue to jump up and down hooting. They all run off. Sponge impales some long grass, toasts them, and eats them. Squog impales some primitive flowers and leaves, toasts them, and takes a bit out of them. Patar impales his loincloth, toasts that, and eats it. He burps up a charred piece and wipes his mouth with it, and then eats it. The three continue to find things to eat. SpongeGar twirls up some vines on the stick, toasts it, and slurps it up. Squog puts some rocks in a pan, toasts it, and it becomes popcorn. He eats some. Patar lifts up a rock, and a bunch of Prehistoric Krabs, all yelling, “Money”, crawl out. Patar drools. SpongeGar draws a circle in the sand, impales it, and lifts it, revealing a sand Krabby Patty. He toasts it. Cut to the three chewing vigorously. They all continue to eat, and they burp.]
** Squog: Burp. [he, SpongeGar and Patar continue to run off, get something, toast it, and eat it. Over and over and over and over and over and over again, until eventually, they are on the ground, now much fatter, satisfied. They yawn and get up]
** Squog: Good night, Patar. Good night, SpongeGar.
** Patar: Good night, Squog. Good night, SpongeGar.
** SpongeGar: Good night, Squog. Good night, Patar.
** [The three walk back to their houses, but then halt. The three turn and look at the fire. Squog runs over and picks up the fire]
** SpongeGar: Squog! Don't get the fire! It's mine!
** Squog: Forget it SpongeGar!
** [SpongeGar shoves Squog. Squog is shocked and sets the log down and shoves him back for revenge. SpongeGar shoves Squog, and Squog whacks him with his club. SpongeGar hits Squog with his own club. The two continue to whack each other with clubs, while Patar retrieves the fire. He hoots excitedly as he runs back to his rock. Patar looks behind him to see if Squog and SpongeGar have caught up, and turns to see SpongeGar and Squog in front of him]
** Both: Patar!
** [Patar screams, throwing the log into the air, where it stays. Squog is about to catch it when SpongeGar jumps on Squog's head and takes it instead]
** Squog: Grrr... [SpongeGar runs off with it, but Patar takes it, then Squog, then SpongeGar takes Squog by mistake and chuckles nervously when Squog gives him an angry look. Patar takes the log, then Squog again, who is swinging on a vine and smashes face first into a tree. It is then taken by SpongeGar while Squog’s unconscious body slides from the tree to the ground. He falls into a trap Patar made and Patar grabs it while it’s floating. He then screams in fear when he sees a picture of a monster held up by Squog] Patar, you idiot! Fwee fwee Squog! [picks up the log, then runs back to his house and searches for the key in his pocket. He gets it, but then realizes that the log is gone] Aha. Huh?! Grrr...
** [He sees SpongeGar running away with it but he falls victim of another Patar trap and drops the log. Patar grabs it and runs off happily]
** SpongeGar: Patar! Gimme that, Patar! Bawana. [the vine snaps, causing SpongeGar to fall]
** Patar: It's mine!
** [Squog brings his four tentacles out, causing Patar to trip, and the log flies off. Squog chuckles and runs after the log as it rolls away. Patar joins Squog, all chasing the log again]
** Squog: That fire is mine! That fire is mine!
** Patar: That's mine!
** SpongeGar: That's mine!
** [The three chase it up a cliff, but the log rolls back down and it chases them]
** All: The fire fell off.
** [They trip over a vine and the log rolls over them. They continue chasing the log. When it stops rolling, they all tug on it]
** SpongeGar: It's mine!
** Squog: Now it's mine!
** Patar: No, it's mine!
** [The fire is suddenly extinguished by more rain. They all sit on the ground]
** SpongeGar: Oh, Patar...
** Patar: Oh, SpongeGar...
** [SpongeGar and Patar cry]
** SpongeGar: Oh, Patar...
** Patar: Oh, SpongeGar...
** Squog: Why you... [pulls out his club, but is struck by lightning. He falls to the ground, charred] ...It's yours.
** [SpongeGar and Patar roast marshmallows over Squog]
** Narrator: Perhaps certain events in history are better left untold [cut back to Patchy, depressed sitting on his front step]
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