Pink ft Lily Allen - True Love/Transcript

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The following is a transcript of "Pink ft Lily Allen - True Love", the seventeenth episode of the A Dose of Buckley feature Musical Autopsy.
==Transcript==
===Introduction===
This...is Musical Autopsy. It's the feature where Doc Buckley drops by the musical morgue to dissect a song or artist. I don't think people who do actual autopsies are supposed to have this much fun. Oh, well.
Sound of chainsaw plays.
Let's bust out the bonesaw and tear up today's track...it's Pink featuring Lily Allen - True Love.
===The Autopsy===
Song begins; lyrics appear.
"Sometimes I hate every
single stupid word you say
Sometimes I wanna slap you
in your whole face
(woah-oh-oh!)
There's no one quite like you
You push all my buttons down
I know life would suck without you
(woah-oh-oh!)"
I guess with Pink's man hands, it is possible that she could slap a dude's entire face all at once, but generally this is a pretty tricky task. And what the fuck, Pink, are you really stealing lines from Kelly Clarkson?
Album artwork for Kelly Clarkson - "My Life Would Suck Without You" appears.
This is just as bad as when you were stealing lines from The Dark Knight.
Clip from Pink - "Raise Your Glass" is played.
"Why so serious?"
I mean, sure, you stole it from the dead guy, so he's not gonna miss it, but...come on, Pink. Come on.
"At the same time, I wanna hug you
I wanna wrap my hands around your neck
You're an asshole but I love you"
Okay...I think I see where this is going. So Pink is frustrated with some fucking douche that she's in love with, and instead of doing the logical thing and just saying, "Fuck it, I'm Pink! Even though I look like a reject from an old Cyndi Lauper video, I'm filthy rich and can get whoever I want," she sticks with the asshole. By the way, Pink is married with a goddamn kid. Is this song supposed to be how shitty her husband is, or is this more fake bullshit to try and sell the image of Pink being this badass rocker chick that sings pop songs? Way to keep it real, Pink.
"And you make me so mad I ask myself
Why I'm still here, or where could I go
You're the only love I've ever known"
Yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and doubt that one. You're closing in on your mid-thirties, Pink. The nameless man in this song is "the only love you've ever known"?? Despite what some might say, you're a woman, which means by 33 you've been in love...approximately 100 times. Between the ages of 16 and 25 you were likely in love with someone new every month, whether they knew it or not. And "where could you go"?! Don't pretend like you're anyone else! Where could you go? With your money?? Anywhere you fucking want!
"But I hate you, I really hate you,
So much, I think it must be
True love, true love
It must be true love
Nothing else can break my heart like
True love, true love
It must be true love..."
...And with that hook right there, she's made the fucking female anthem of the decade. I will guarantee you that right now - this minute - there are about half a million girls between those ages of 16 to 25 who are all hearing this song for the first time and saying, "Oh my God, Pink really gets me! It's like she wrote this song just for me!" Mm-hm, 'cause you're all individuals, and you're the only person who has ever experienced being in love and being frustrated by the way the person you're in love with treats you. Never has this happened to anyone but you.
Okay, but hey, at least there's one saving grace: Lily Allen is back! We haven't heard from Lily Allen in some time, and that's right, YouTube, get ready to shit yourself...Buckley actually likes something! Lily Allen is probably my favorite female performer. "Smile", "London", "Alfie"...Lily Allen has this great talent to sound like this upbeat pop princess while sounding like a cynical bitch at the same time - something Pink tries to do and fails miserably at - and I enjoy the shit out of it. She hasn't been active for two years, and even then it was just her doing the hook for T-Pain's "5 O'Clock", so...here we go. Lily, fix this fucking song!
Lily Allen verse plays; lyrics appear.
"Why do you rub me up the wrong way?
Why do you say the things that you say?
Sometimes I wonder how we ever came to be
But without you I'm incomplete
[Hook]"
Oh, what the fuck, Lily Allen?! Four fucking lines, and they add nothing! Yeah, that was really worth a two-year wait! You know what the worst part about this song might be? Fuckin' Miley Cyrus performed it like five years ago when she was 15, except she called it "7 Things". Same basic principle, though: Miley talks about all the things that frustate her about some guy, but then lists a bunch of superficial shit about the fucker that she likes, and a couple of the things that she hates are also the things that she likes! The earlier line "you're an asshole but I love you" is the adult version of this Miley tune!
Pink, you're 33! You're not supposed to be taking song ideas from a girl you've got thirteen years on who clearly idolizes you - look at that fucking haircut.
Side-by-side photos of Pink's and Miley Cyrus's haircuts appear.
She's supposed to be stealing from you! Fuck it, I've had enough of this. There was one other verse in the song that wasn't the hook or pre-hook, and you're not missing much by me not talking about it. It was just as vapid and lowest-common-denominator as the rest of this song. This is Musical Autopsy - bag it and tag it.
Sound of zipper plays; video ends.
Category:Transcripts