S05E17: The Slaads Get Under the Gang's Skin

INTRO
We establish that time passes at the same rate inside the pocket workshop. This sets the tone for the entire session.
ROLL INITIATIVE!!!
Nissa plays some epic walk-up music (casts Bane), and 2 of the red Slaad are so taken aback they’re rebuffed.
Um (from the ceiling, of course) shoots the one with the scar.
The slaads rush Kanye!  Their vicious claws rake off of him, but he gets bitten. Then he gets clawed again. Nissa is so overcome that she spontaneously composes “Kanye’s lament” to bless Kanye with Bear’s Endurance.  Even with this Bardic inspiration flowing through him, and his Orc nature thrumming in him, the claw impregnates him with a tiny egg.  Kanye asks Nissa what’s going to happen to him?  Nissa: “It’s just a tadpole that will eat you from inside.”
The Slaad continue their assault on Kanye. The blue salad shoves the reds out of the way and Nissa gets in a little jab from her hidden dagger.
But the blue slaad hits Kanye and overcomes him once more, giving him chaos phage.  He doesn’t feel so good.
Kanye gets mad and beats them good with his pole arm.
Scott: “I feel bad limiting you to just six attacks in this round.”
Carlos: “I’m really busting it out tonight, y’all.”
He walks up and lightning orbs come out of his hands, then makes a rude gesture at them.  He moonwalks back out.
He 3rd level chromatic orbs the motherfuckers with draconic lightning power and then ups the stakes and follows it up with a 4th level orb.  It’s 4 inches.  It may not be large, but it’s still lightning.
Nissa looks at Kanye and remembers that chaos phage keeps you from regaining HP.  Kanye probably can’t survive another round without healing!
Scott ponders what happens to things inside the pocket workshop.  It’s a pocket dimension that can hold up to two people at a time.  We can smuggle people or it’s a walking death trap.  Every option is a game-breaking bug.
SCOTT RULES it will hold people if you close it.  Jen: can you get back out from inside? The door cannot  be locked from either side, so SCOTT RULES you can’t get trapped inside.
Um: he’s flanked! Um hits the blue slaad.
The slaad’s injuries begin to heal.  Big Blue is still pretty bloodied, though.
The red slaad are pissed at Carlos’ rude gesture and take a swing at him.  Scar the red slaad pierces Carlos.  Congratulations, Carlos! You’re going to have a slaad!
As the slaad run past Kanye reaches out and hits one of the slaad.
Carlos: I don’t mind you beating that one up, it’s not the father of my child.
Big Blue is still fixated on Kanye and takes a swing.  Healing takes a lot out of him, so Kanye is able to get his shield up to block the blows.
Can he use his movement to set up the pocket workshop?  SCOTT RULES that Kanye can have Woodhouse set up the pocket workshop during a battle, but it takes “Woodhouse’s turn” to do so, but he can’t use his extra fighter action.  It also takes the duration of an action to close it.  If the monster gets a turn before the workshop is closed, it can get out.
Scott, as Kanye: Woodhouse, prepare all my toys!
Then we deliberate some more about the size of the workshop.  Do monsters follow fire codes, if the workshop is large but can only hold two people? Or is it two people large, and a monster couldn’t fit, but you’re standing next to the door?
…. then Kanye hits him again.
… Then we ask about the pocket workshop some more and then SCOTT RULES that it works like Magnificent Mansion https://roll20.net/compendium/dnd5e/Magnificent%20Mansion#content — anyone inside when it closes is just expelled out into the real world again.
SCOTT RULES when it’s open, you can’t move it. But it can’t be open until it’s on stable ground so you can’t open it in midair (JEN), and you can’t use it to catch yourself because momentum (JARROD).
SCOTT RULES that if you build something in there, it comes out afterwards.
SCOTT RULES you can’t use it for storage.
Carlos winds up and double-chromatic lightning orbs the slaads!
Now he has to face down his baby-daddy.  Carlos asks Nissa whether she has a copy of What to Expect When You’re Expecting a Slaad Baby.  She was saving it for Kanye, but who are we kidding really?
Carlos is overcome by a surge of wild magic…. And feels lucky.  Enemies now have disadvantage on saving throws against the next spell he casts in the next minute.
Nissa sings some hot new Taylor Swift and the slaad is so repulsed its brain hurts and it runs across the room to escape.  She takes a swing with her dagger on the way by, but Kanye connects and gives him a parting gift.
Um shoots from the ceiling and shoots red Scar slaad for a ton of damage!! KA-POW!
Carlos uses his quarterstaff to take a swing at the red slaad as it runs up to attack Nissa.
The red slaad pierces Nissa and impregnates her with a slaad baby. Luckily it’s not the same parent as Carlos’ baby.
Woodhouse reports that the workshop is open and ready.
Kanye hits the blue slaad. On the backswing, he hits him again SO HARD HE CRITS.  He dead.
Carlos tries to fireball, but is so caught up in thinking about the father of his child and cussing him out and telling him how he doesn’t want anything form him, and he and his trashy mother can stay out of their business, and that he banged Assistant Manager Trevor at the wireless store.
Nissa sings a fucked up lullaby at her slaad baby daddy, not-Scar.  He’s weirded out but also kind of into it?  He can’t understand the words but this is some universally fucked up stuff.
Um points at Scar, fires the crossbow, and hits him so hard in the top of the head that he’s pinned to the ground, twitches twice, and is still.
The last slaad turns to run.  Straight into the pocket workshop!  Kanye stands at the top of the stairs, pulls out his laser rifle, and CRITS.  He kills the slaad.  It’s fried to a crisp, but the smell should come out soon since it’s ventilated.
SCOTT RULES that dead bodies are something you made (by adding a laser rifle to a person), so it comes out if you close the door.
The gang loots the bodies and finds https://www.dndbeyond.com/magic-items/vicious-weapon, two healing potions, and https://www.dndbeyond.com/magic-items/rod-of-rulership.
The gang takes a short rest while Nissa sings and helps them recover.  Sure would be nice if our cleric were around to help us heal.
While we’re resting, Nissa reads up on Slaad reproduction.  It takes three months for the tadpole invader to work its way to the chest.  This is gross, but we’ll just "deal with this” later at the Drakeguards healers.
We learn that Scott draws cubes differently than everyone else.  Mind.  Blown.
The gang arrives at the roof of the tower! There are six mages chanting and making a shield ward to protect the tower.  In the middle, there’s a circle of runes with eight cultists inside chanting a ritual.  Inside, there are three machines amplifying the power of the rune circle. In the middle is a small rip in reality that the gang’s mind can only conceive as a tower.
There are four horsemen (we totally know these people as the villains from our previous encounters) wearing armor and outfits that represent each horseman.
Um and Kanye perceive the engines crackling and realize their energies are powering the portal.  Destroying them should fuck up their plans and slow things down.
Nissa gets all religious, and realizes the ritual is very similar to the Temple of Bront.
Carlos thinks about arcane things…. and sees that the dome is a pretty blue color.
ROLL FOR INITIATIVE.
Category:Episodes