OOS 80

Korrinoth 9, traveling through the Needlegrove to collect shadow to finish the beacon to call the Dark. It occurred between sessions 36 and 37. 
== Transcript == 
Lei: 
lei takes a couple of quick glances at kiono, trying to avoid concludion noticing, and sighs. after a bit of dawdling, she approaches kiono. "are you busy? can i talk to ephemera for a while?" looks towards the halberd 
Ephemera: 
Luckily it is Ephemera who was in charge for that so that's easy peasy. "You have need of me?" she asks quietly. 
Lei: 
nods "could we talk, um, privately? maybe just a little ways behind the group?" nervous nervous 
Ephemera: 
Ephemera raises an eyebrow in curiosity, then signals to Concludion to continue leading the way, and she drops back a short ways with Renn. 
Lei: 
back to dawdling 
Ephemera: 
Ephemera waits a polite amount of time before saying, "It isn't especially safe being apart from the group for long." 
Lei: 
"oh, yeah, sorry, i just...." falters 
"i had....something, um...it can always wait until later." 
Ephemera: 
"We are already... here," she points out. "But if you think it should wait, we can discuss it later." 
Lei: 
nods, then looks away 
"yes, perhaps we should...." 
"well...." 
"no, i should just--hmm." 
"you, uh, blame meyrin for being stuck in the temple as a halberd?" 
"sorry, um...." 
Ephemera: 
Ephemera raises an eyebrow again, frowns. "....I... did, for a time. I've learned new information since then and no longer... well, fully blame her. Maybe a tiny bit. Why?" 
Lei: 
"just, ah, wondering i guess. do you...blame anyone else for it?" 
looking at the ground a lot, but also looking around a bit because this is the shadowfell after all and it's important to pay attention to surroundings 
Ephemera: 
"I... am perhaps mildly perturbed with my fellow conspirators. I blame only myself at this point..." Her frown deepens as she thinks about it, then she returns to a more neutral expression and repeats. "Why?" 
Lei: 
"um, uh, are you....mad at yourself?" 
Ephemera: 
Ephemera eyes Renn carefully , then slowly asks, "I suppose so, yes. .....Is this really what you wanted to discuss?" 
Lei: 
nods "yes. part of it." 
"what was it like for you, um, being stuck like that, unable to go anywhere?" 
is definitely not meeting ephemera's gaze 
Ephemera: 
"It was frustrating and remains so, unable to go somewhere, do something unless someone let's me take over their body." She isn't overly fond of this topic, but isn't going to tell Renn off. At least not yet. 
Lei: 
"well, at least there are strides towards getting your body back, right?" 
"if you could....well, this question may be a bit odd, but...if you could talk to yourself from--from the time you chose to, um, put yourself in this position, what would you tell yourself?" 
Ephemera: 
"What would I, right now, tell past me?" she asks, curious, confused. 
Lei: 
"yes." speaks quietly 
Ephemera: 
"Nothing that I would remember now," Ephemera chuckles. 
Lei: 
frowns slightly "i suppose not." 
"thanks for letting me, um, ask." 
Ephemera: 
"There... isn't really any advice or encouraging thing I could tell myself. The plan... sort of worked, I suppose, but not the way I had hoped. I feel like I'm on the verge of an emotional meltdown, but it's not even a proper one because I can only feel angry about the whole situation. I can't even reset myself without dooming the world. The only benefits, if one can call it that, is that I'm getting a very first-hand experience of the world I've been trying to save." 
She stops speaking somewhat abruptly, then sighs. "Sorry, that... isn't what you wanted to know." 
Lei: 
"o-oh. um....." finally looks at ephemera, eyes wide 
is trying to take all of that in 
Ephemera: 
Ephemers sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose. "Sorry, that was..." She sighs again. "Sorry. I, uh, can... try to answer your question.... more... rhetorically, I suppose, um..." 
Lei: 
"we're, um, here to help you, i think." 
spoken sooooooo quietly 
"no, i mean, um, when the time comes, we'll try to help--" 
Ephemera: 
"Ah, um, thank you..?" She thought that was the case, but maybe she needed to reaffirm the matter for herself? She mentally shrugs off the thought. "I appreciate it." 
Lei: 
"one of the group's goals is to get your body back. so, um....it will happen." 
"and, um.........." 
"l-like you said, you've gotten to experience things. you said people are really cool because they do things, right? you, um....." 
falters, her face is red 
"it's been nice to have you around." 
she mumbles it so so so so so so quietly 
Ephemera: 
Ephemera looks at her in surprise, uncertain how to respond to that at first, then she smiles gently. "Thank you. I'm glad that we found you, ah, well, decidedly not safe, but well. I... would rather not lose any more of my friends." She is somewhat hesitant about the last word, as though unsure she's allowed to use it. 
Lei: 
if lei's eyes could get any wider, they'd pop out of her skull 
stammers for a bit, and then finally gets out, "i don't--i--i don't exactly make a good friend." 
Ephemera: 
"Nobody does. It's all a matter of how hard you try regardless." 
Lei: 
fidgets unconsciously with her fingers, her nails digging into her palm a bit "if you, um, have an...emotional breakdown, as you said, do you..." 
"what will you want?" 
"to, er--" 
takes a deep breath, and gets out her thoughts more clearly without stuttering "i'm not good at that kind of stuff. i just make it worse. what would you want in that kind of situation?" 
Ephemera: 
She tilts her head in a Teer-esque manner. "I... I don't know. I've... never really needed to melt down before, at least not that I recall." 
"I... hm, perhaps I was a little... well, exaggerating perhaps? I'm not sure. I'm... simply frustrated. Maybe there will be something up here to hit. I... I don't know." She contemplates the idea for a moment, trying to figure out what she meant by emotional meltdown and if there would be anything to do if she experienced one. 
Lei: 
“for me talking to teer helps.” 
“and edger too.” 
fingers continue to fidget 
Ephemera: 
"I will... keep that in mind," she says, contemplative. She hesitates. "I... If you need someone to talk to, I can..." She laughs, derisive and short. "Nobody would mistake me for being successfully emotionally supportive, but I can at least hit someone if that would help you at all." 
Lei: 
“there is something i was trying to get ideas on from you, but our situations are just too different.” 
Ephemera: 
"Hm, yes, I suppose you didn't get yourself turned into a halberd and locked away for three thousand or so years," she says, smiling. "I'd be more concerned if our situations were especially similar." 
Lei: 
“i, um, appreciate it though. i think it’s best if i, um, try to stay out of your way and....well it’s pointless for me to attempt not to cause problems, but....” 
Ephemera: 
Ephemera raises an eyebrow. "What do you mean, 'stay out of my way'?" 
Lei: 
“i—well, you are busy and have your own problems to deal with. i’ve taken advantage of you too much already. i probably shouldn’t do that kind of thing. i already....lean on teer too much.” 
“but, um, thank you anyway.” 
nail marks in her palms. hey lei i know you’re doing it subconsciously but cut that out 
Ephemera: 
She considers that a moment. "We are team, friends if you want. Asking for help is allowed." 
Lei: 
bites her lip 
“okay. a question then.” 
“tell me....if i’m being selfish and need to, um, stop.” 
Ephemera: 
"Alright," she says, including her head in acknowledgment of the request. 
Lei: 
“i promised my mo—adrienne that i would write to her, because she, um, worries about my safety. but i’m...having some trouble writing a letter. partially because i thought i was going to die here and it was pointless anyway, but—“ 
“i.....my question does not seem perhaps—“ hands are a flurry of fidgets, and then ball up 
“do you think that i should....write to her?” 
a beat, and then she adds lightly, “nothing for you to hit in this situation.” 
Ephemera: 
An unusual emotion crosses Ephemera's face before turning thoughtful. "If... she is worried about your safety, perhaps you sh--" she says carefully, then stops. "You usually refer to her as mother. Why Adrienne this time?" 
Lei: 
“ah, um....i—“ a pained look flashes across her face 
“i voided our contract but decided to continue to follow after all of you, so....im not really allowed to....use the worthing name anymore.” 
says very flatly 
Ephemera: 
"Was this Adrienne's decision or yours?" Ephemera asks in measured calmness, waiting for the answer before she starts planning how to punch Adrienne in the nose from the Shadowfell. 
Lei: 
“mine. i decided to continue to follow after all of you, despite breaking the marriage.” 
Ephemera: 
"You know that's not what I was asking." 
Lei: 
she looks at ephemera with confusion 
Ephemera: 
"Was it your decision or Adrienne's that you no longer be a member of your family?" 
Lei: 
“oh, um....mine, but...she was the one who, um.....” 
dont cry dont cry dont cry dont you dare 
her voice has definitely started to get emotional 
but she is very clearly trying to keep it at bay 
Ephemera: 
"Don't write to her. Perhaps Edger or Cecily, but Adrienne--" she says the name with some venom in her voice "--is not worth your letters." 
Lei: 
looks down, trying to compose herself “right, i knew asking you would, um....mean receiving that answer.” 
Ephemera: 
Another questioning glance. "Oh?" 
Lei: 
“i know you don’t hold a high opinion of her. that’s why i was trying to...well, at first i was trying to figure out how you feel about meyrin. i thought—no, it was dumb.” 
“no one else here knows what it’s like to have parents.” 
“i thought at least maybe it was worth a try to talk to someone else who feels...upset at someone who kept them locked up.” avoiding eye contact avoiding eye contact no crying 
Ephemera: 
It all makes sense now. She thinks for a moment, this context making her reconsider much of the conversation. After a moment she says, "If I could tell me, the me that came up with the whole Plan, something... It would be how much it hurt, still hurts, having to experience what I was put through. That her grand scheme, big picture thinking was the worst for me. But in spite of that, I have... new friends, new goals, new thoughts, and I will overcome what past me put me through." 
She looks at Renn, then directs her gaze outward, continuing her scan of the area around them. "Can't let past me keep me prisoner when she isn't here. Can't let her win." 
Lei: 
takes all of that in and is quiet for a bit 
“are you just saying that?” 
“that’s not what you said before.” 
Ephemera: 
She looks back at Renn, smiles. "I didn't understand what you were asking." 
"Sometimes, when you ask a question, you actually mean something else. I thought you meant just in general, if I had any... I don't know, information to pass along or something." 
"You were actually asking if I... had anything angry to say, or if I had some other... emotional message to impart. There is... a big difference." 
Lei: 
“...okay.” unballs her fists 
“you think you have to win against your past self?” 
Ephemera: 
"...Perhaps not win... But I won't be defeated by mistakes made in the past." 
"....Also losing means the world is eaten by an asteroid, and that wouldn't be great." 
"And honestly, if you're defeated by Adrienne's decisions about your life, the world still might be eaten by an asteroid. Your help is wanted on that mission," she adds carefully. 
Lei: 
gives ephemera a confused, surprised look, before quickly looking away 
“yeah, um, that reminds me...sorry about, um....” 
a tear manages to slip out finally 
“no, um, thanks for your....er, advice. i’m sorry. i appreciate it. i’m still not sure what i should....well, i have other things to focus on aside from letters.” 
“i won’t.....i suspect teer would also recommend i not write to her. and plosi too, probably.” 
“i should.....even if i’m not sure how i feel about it, it would probably do me some good to listen to my friends for once in my life.” 
Ephemera: 
Ephemera smiles. "Just... don't just focus on the tasks at hand. If we're focused on work all the time, we're going to explode. ...again." 
She pauses, gets a funny look on her face, remembering. Quietly she considers, "Maybe we should try to schedule relaxation times more often instead of huge chunks of it every few weeks." 
Lei: 
bites her lip “no, i...need to focus on the tasks in front of us.” 
“in—in front of—you guys—“ catches herself 
Ephemera: 
She opens her mouth to say something, then gets a very confused look on her face. "W-what?" 
Lei: 
“i threw off the plan to get the glow worm out of plosi. i’ve caused so many problems over and over again. i need to try to—to make up for it—“ 
Ephemera: 
"That's not how this works." 
Lei: 
“i don’t deserve any sort of relaxation. i cant even trust myself to have any amount of free time without—“ some more tears are falling now 
stops herself 
“i’m sorry. i’m....i didn’t mean to, um—“ 
Ephemera: 
"You're not in some sort of debt, Renn. Have there been inconveniences, yes, but we aren't here to... exact some sort of retribution or payment." 
"You're a person as much as any of the rest of us are. You deserve the same as we do, which includes relaxation." 
Lei: 
“i....am glad you, um, feel that way, but.....that’s not. that’s not right.” 
Ephemera: 
"Why not?" 
Lei: 
sighs and wipes away some of her dumb tears “this isnt exactly where i intended for this conversation to head. i’m sorry.” 
“i shouldn’t be unloading this on you.” 
“it’s dumb.” 
“there is only one other thing i wanted to make sure to say to you, but um....” 
Ephemera: 
"It matters to you, so it's not dumb." She looks at Renn, concerned. 
"Something is bothering you. What is it?" 
Lei: 
shakes her head “the only other thing i wanted to make sure to tell you is that i am so, so sorry.” 
“that goes to kiono too, if she’s in there listening at all.” 
Ephemera: 
Her concern grows. "For what? 
Lei: 
“the dimension room. i....izora and kiono talked a lot about harnessing power like that and i.... i knew what could happen, but i didnt think about you guys at all. i almost lost the tablet. i destroyed the dimension room and now the group can’t use it anymore.” 
Ephemera: 
Ephemera is quiet a moment, then asks, "Did you think about yourself?" 
Lei: 
“that’s all i was thinking about.” lei smiles softly, her tone bitter 
“i told teer that when....i get thoughts to do anything reckless like that going forward, i’ll...um, try to—try to talk to him about it.” 
“like an hour ago, i, um—i’m sorry for freaking out like that, i....i needed to talk to teer because i was, um....” there’s no stopping the tears now, they’re falling softly 
Ephemera: 
Ephemera slows, then stops walking as she processes what was just said. 
She stares straight ahead for a moment, having a lot of thoughts. Then she snaps back and catches up with? Renn and pulls her into a big hug. 
Quietly, as reassuring as she can be, she says, "We are all here for you, Renn. You're not alone. Your fights don't have to be so lonely." 
Lei: 
lei freezes up in shock 
and then her lips waver and the tears start coming down harder 
and she just lets it out in ephemera's arms 
she forgets about the dangers of the shadowfell and just lets herself fully feel her wreck of emotions 
Ephemera: 
Ephemera isn't entirely sure what to do with this, so she mostly just stays in position, holding Renn close until she gets told off for touching her without permission. 
Lei: 
after a bit she hugs ephemera back and buries her face into whatever part of kiono's body her head reaches 
Ephemera: 
While this is happening, Ephemera does keep a close eye out on the area around them. Last thing she needs is to be attacked right now. 
"Um, are you... alright?" she asks hesitantly after she seems to be calming down somewhat. 
Lei: 
quietly, tears slowing "i want to do better. i want to stop messing up. i want to be useful for something. i want--i wanted my mother to be proud of me, but i chose freedom over that. i want to help this group--my frie--i want to help you guys." 
"i don't want the asteroid to destroy everything. i don't want squire to have to deal with that glow worm. i don't want you to be stuck as a halberd. i don't want teer's roots to stay dead." 
"i'm really.....i'm really bad at, um, conveying that. but i'm not--i'm not someone who wants to take an adventuring badge i didn't earn, or force you guys to help me with a job for my par--for the worthings. i won't--i'll try not to do things like that anymore." 
Ephemera: 
"I think the first step to all of those things you said you want... is to stop pretending you're not actually part of the group," Ephemera says gently. "You earned that badge just like the rest of us. And also..." 
"Maybe try saying the word 'friend.' I'm pretty sure everyone considers you such." 
Lei: 
"i just...don't want to weigh all of you down...." pulls away from ephemera 
"o-oh, snot...." 
"sor-sorry, i didn't mean to--" 
"not very ladylike of me to, um--" 
reaches into her things, rummaging around for a tissue 
Ephemera: 
"You're an adventurer now. Snot's part of the job," Ephemera chuckles. "Besides, I think Teer can clean this up. He's got a spell for it." 
Lei: 
and that's when it hits her that she's in the shadowfell and oh they've been talking for a while and oh my gosh they just hugged 
her face gets red 
"o-oh i also have....right, uh--um....." 
prestidigitation ahoy 
Ephemera: 
"Oh." She looks at where the mess isn't, then smiles at Renn. "Thanks." 
Lei: 
"we should probably, um, catch--catch back up to the others now, uh, it's been a while, hasn't it? i didn't mean to, uh--we um, probably shouldn't, um--" 
clearly embarrassed 
Ephemera: 
Ephemera nods and begins to walk back toward the front of the group. First, though, she says, "For the record, you're not just dead weight. Perhaps inexperienced, but not dead weight." 
Lei: 
lei's blush deepens and she stops in her tracks for a second before continuing forward 
she cant seem to make words happen for a bit, but eventually squeaks out, "..........i'm sorry. thank you." 
Ephemera: 
She smiles and nods again, then returns to her position at the front of the group.
Category:OOS