Patented Plankton Patties

Patented Plankton Patties is the second episode of EdgeBob SadPants.
==Synopsis==
SpongeBob finds out about the new Plankton Patties, and goes to the Chum Bucket to confront Plankton.
==Transcript==
[SpongeBob is seen arriving at his house, visibly traumatized]
SpongeBob: Huff, huff…oh Neptune…the MAPs…
[Patrick walks up to SpongeBob, eating a Krabb-I mean Plankton Patty]
Patrick: Sup.
SpongeBob: Patrick, you will not believe what–wait a minute, are you eating a Krabby Patty?
Patrick: Oh SpongeBob, you haven’t heard? Mr. Krabs has been arrested. The Krusty Krab is in ruins. You’re jobless. Lol.
SpongeBob: I kno-
Patrick: I’m eating a Plankton Patty.
SpongeBob: A what.
Patrick: A Plankton Patty. It’s what the Chum Bucket is selling right now.
SpongeBob: WHAT?!
Patrick: It’s the newest craze. It started like, 11 minutes ago. Wow SpongeBob, have you been living under a rock or something?
SpongeBob: I need to see this! [runs away]
Patrick: C O C K
[Bubble transition to SpongeBob walking towards the Chum Bucket. Pan out to reveal an extremely long line outside of it and a sign saying “NOW SELLING: PLANKTON PATTIES! #ExecuteKrabs”]
SpongeBob: PLANKTON PATTIES?! EXECUTE KRABS?! Plankton has gone too far this time! I need to shut this place down!
[SpongeBob walks inside the Chum Bucket, but someone in the line stops him]
Aforementioned person: Hey, back of the line, buddy!
SpongeBob: 192.11.236.181
[SpongeBob ends up walking towards Karen, acting as the cashier]
SpongeBob: Hello, I’d like to speak to the manager.
Karen: Ugh, what a Karen.
[Karen presses a button, making SpongeBob suddenly disappear and appear inside Plankton’s office, where Plankton is sitting at a money-filled desk]
 notknalP: طالبان به سقوط وکړي
 SpongeBob: Uh…….
Plankton: Oh hello SpongeBob! Sorry, I am from Afghanistan, I was speaking Pashto, which I prefer to Dari.
SpongeBob: I see….
Plankton: Do you like the new teletransportation machine? After all the money we got from the Plankton Patties, we were finally able to build it!
SpongeBob: Don’t call them Plankton Patties, you criminal! This is a clear act of theft towards the Krusty Krab! I’m calling the cops!
Plankton: Oh, the cops have been dealt with….
SpongeBob: gasp
Plankton: They’re eating here right now! 
SpongeBob: Who’s even your frycook? Robot me?
Plankton: Nah, that failed. You can say hi to the frycook right now!
[Plankton gets up and opens a door to the kitchen. SpongeBob goes in and sees Patrick making Plankton Patties]
SpongeBob: PATRICK?!
Patrick: Oh hi SpongeBob! Look, I’ve got a job!
SpongeBob: I don’t understand, I saw you before, you came here as a customer!
Patrick: Ah, that must have been one of my clones. Remember, that arm thing?
SpongeBob: Patrick, the Plankton Patties are just Krabby Patties with a different name! Plankton is a thief! You can’t work for him!
Patrick: SpongeBob, he pays me really well, and I need the money for my lung cancer treatment.
Plankton: See? Unlike Krabs, I pay my employees.
SpongeBob: Patrick, doesn’t Rock Bottom have free healthcare?
Patrick: Yeah, but I’m not getting treated by an inferior species!
Plankton: We have free healthcare in Afghanistan! Although most hospitals got blown up…
SpongeBob: Plankton, I’ll take you down, you’ll see!
Plankton: Yeah SpongeBob, I, uh, think I know what you will do. Let’s go back to my office to chat.
[Plankton and SpongeBob go back to Plankton’s office]
Plankton: Look, honestly, I don’t know how you can even afford a house. But I know you probably have never seen a good paycheck. As you know, there’s a price for everything.
SpongeBob: Are you trying to bribe me?!
Plankton: Yes. I know you want to reveal what you know, but please listen to me, I think I can change your mind.
[Karen suddenly appears in the office with a piano, and starts playing a dramatic tune]
Plankton:
There is a certain function
Essential for reproduction
It is needed for seduction
But alas……..I have erectile dysfunction
[The music suddenly gets cheerier]
I was born and raised in Afghanistan’s capital, Kabul
All the ladies wanted a piece of my cock, I was no fool
Monday night I'm makin' Jen, Tuesday night I'm makin' Lyn
And on lovely Wednesday nights, I am makin’ Catherine
The US, they left the country, I was pissing in a can
But I see someone approaching, it’s the fucking Taliban
I really could not escape, as the piss took pretty long
But it ended when a motherfucking missile hit my schlong
I escaped, ended up here, trying to live a cumless life
I couldn’t get any bitches, so I built a computer wife
And so now we clone the buns, as my penis does not rise……
But at least now my fine restaurant is doing pretty nice!
[Karen and the piano disappear, as the music ends]
SpongeBob: ………………What the fuck was that?
Plankton: Don’t you feel pity for me? Doesn’t this convince you not to reveal the secret formula to the whole world? I’ll have you know, sometimes I even turn off Karen, and when I turn her on, I tell her we had the most passiona-
SpongeBob: The formula? I don’t know what the formula is!
Plankton: …….What?
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs always kept it for himself! I just cooked!
Plankton: Well that’s brilliant then! You can’t ruin my business!
SpongeBob: I-
Plankton: Get the fuck out.
[SpongeBob gets thrown out the window]
SpongeBob: AAARGH! THAT MOTHERFUCKER! THE GLASS! It’s…..it’s…….
[Suddenly, we see a flashback, where a schoolyard is seen. A kid version of SpongeBob is seen being bullied by some other kids, who are fish, while a kid version of Patrick is tied to a coral tree]
Kid 1: [holding a rope] Oh, I think someone else wants to be tied to the tree!
Kid SpongeBob: No! Stop it!
Kid 2: [pushes SpongeBob] Don’t cry, little barnacle!
Kid 3: What do you expect? Sponges are only good at crying and cleaning, like the worthless slaves they are!
[Suddenly, kid SpongeBob’s eyes turn wide, and he becomes visibly angry. He gets up, and kicks Kid 3 in the ribs, making him fall to the ground. After a few seconds of silence, Kid 3 screams at the top of his lungs]
Kid Patrick: yay
[Suddenly, the teacher, a fish, appears]
Teacher: What is going on here?! I heard someone scream! gasp Oh dear! Who did this?!
Kid 1: SpongeBob! He practically killed him!
Teacher: Oh SpongeBob, and I thought you were a good student. Come with me, I know someone who’ll give you an appropriate punishment.
[Bubble transition to Kid SpongeBob in the kitchen, with the school cook, who is a fish]
Cook: Ah, looks like I get to punish a sponge. Reminds me of the good old days……which is why you will be getting a punishment like the good old days! You kids these days sure are a difficult bunch, and I can see that by the filthiness of these plates. I’m gonna need you to clean them…..with your face.
Kid SpongeBob: E-e-excuse me?
Cook: You heard me. Fill your face with soap and start working. The plates aren’t gonna clean themselves. I deserve a rest. [starts smoking a giant cigar]
Kid SpongeBob: I….[reluctantly, he fills his face with soap and starts cleaning a plate]
[We cut to the plates being done cleaning]
Cook: Very well. It’s time to let you free……the old fashioned way.
Kid SpongeBob: The wh-
[Kid SpongeBob gets thrown out the window]
[Kid SpongeBob, in shock, looks at the glass on the ground and starts crying]
[The flashback ends, we see normal SpongeBob again, who is also looking at the glass]
SpongeBob: I….I…..[he starts tearing up, and eventually runs away]
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