2014 FIFA World Cup Bloopers Season 5 Complete Full Length Version by Elias2000 Films Inc.

Sam: Ready, Elias?
Elias: Ready, Sam!
Sam: Say Elias, you've become cartoonized.
Elias: I did this to blend in better. Roll call!
(Roll Call!)
Elias: Elias David!
Sam: Microsoft Sam!
Mike: Microsoft Mike!
Mary: Microsoft Mary!
Anna: Microsoft Anna!
Scotty: Scotty!
Jimmy: Jimmy!
Hank: Hank!
Harvey Zilth: Harvey Zilth!
Sidney: Sidney!
Beulah: Beulah!
Abby: Abby!
LH Michael: Lernout & Hauspie Michael!
LH Michelle: Lernout & Hauspie Michelle!
Chris Tarrant: Chris Tarrant!
Elias: All present and accounted for, Your Samuelship, sir!
(Your Samuelship)
Sam: "Your Samuelship!" Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
Scotty: Say, that is funny! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! *CROTCH KICK!* Ouch! Don't kick me in the crotch, you shithead! Owww!
Sam: You stole my laugh line, Scotty!
Elias: That laugh line is in the public domain, Sam!
Sam: It's my property, Elias!
Elias: Public domain!
Sam: My property!
Elias: Public domain!
Sam: My property!
Elias: Public domain!
Sam: My property!
Elias: Public domain!
Sam: My property!
RoboSoft 3: The laugh line "Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl" has officially been declared to be in the public domain!
Sam: Take it easy, Sam.
They have spoken.
Remain
calm.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP!
ELIAS DAVID, HOW DARE YOU USE THE LAW AGAINST ME!
I SAY THAT LAUGH LINE IS MY PROPERTY AND YOU CAN'T STEAL IT WITHOUT BEING PUNISHED FOR IT, YOU HEAR ME?
ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE!!
*BOOM!*
Anna: Are you all right, Sam?
Sam: I'm all right, Anna. That tantrum was only a gut reaction.
Wally: Excuse me, am I interrupting?
Elias: Not at all, sir.
Wally: The name is Wallace B. FIFA Jr. I'm Mr. FIFA Sr.'s son.
Elias: Pleased to meet you, Mr. FIFA Jr.
Wally: You can call me Wally.
Elias: Welcome to the Elias2000 Productions studio, Wally.
Sam: Wait a minute! The senior Mr. FIFA never married! How could he have a son?
Wally: I was adopted.
Sam: That explains it.
Wally: I offer my services as assistant to the producer.
Elias: I'm the producer, Wally. Welcome aboard.
Scotty: About the intro?
Sam: Go to it!
(Blank trophy)
Sam: Where are the captions?
Scotty: Sorry. Forgot to take them out of the mailbox.
(World Cup captions)
Mike: First the trophy with no captions.
Mary: Then the captions with no trophy.
Anna: They look so exquisite that way.
Sam: Now how about putting the captions with the trophy?
Scotty: All right! Don't get ugly! Sheesh!
Elias David: Shush the sheesh!
(World Cup captions above the trophy)
Jimmy: Sam wanted the captions with the trophy.
Hank: And look what he got!
Harvey Zilth: The captions are literally on top of the trophy!
Sidney: Next we'll have them below the trophy.
(World Cup captions below the trophy)
Beulah: Now the captions are below the trophy.
Abby: I guess it will soon be water under the bridge, won't it?
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!
Elias: QUIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!!
Wally: That's telling them, Elias!
Sam: Now hear this, Scotty! I want the captions with the trophy, you hear me? The captions with the trophy!
Scotty: Well, screw me where the sun won't shine, Sam!
Sam: JUST GET IT DONE, YOU ASSWIPE!!
Chris Tarrant: Oh no, that's the wrong answer! You've just lost... ...100 pounds! *CROTCH KICK!* Oh, martian!
(The Captions with the Trophy!)
LH Michael: Sam wanted the captions with the trophy.
LH Michelle: And the logo says "the captions with the trophy!" Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!! YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU'RE FIRED!!
Scotty: Fired? FIRED!?
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!
SAM, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO FIRE ME!
RE-HIRE ME OR I'LL KILL MYSELF AND YOU'LL BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR IT
YOU BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD!!
*BOOM!*
Wally: Microsoft Sam, are you out of your mind? You re-hire Scotty right now!
Sam: Never! Scotty's firing is justified, you hear? Justified!
Elias: Justified my ass! Scotty, you're re-hired.
Scotty: Thanks, Elias.
Sam: Elias David, I accuse you of mutiny!
Elias: Mutiny, schmutiny! I outrank you because I own this studio!
Sam: But what about authority?
Wally: You have authority, Sam!
Elias: We're talking about rank!
Sam: I don't give a shit about rank!
Wally: Well, we do!
Elias: And don't ever fire anyone here without our approval, capeesh?
Sam: Yessirs. Asswipes! *CROTCH KICK!* SOI!!
(Pepsi)
Mike: Pepsi?
Mary: What is this, a drink?
Anna: Time to get the drink done! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
(Clorox)
Jimmy: Clorox.
Hank: Bathroom humor will never die.
Harvey Zilth: So that's what they do with Pepsi.
Sidney: Their movies are real stinkers! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Elias David: Not funny!
(Sprite)
Beulah: Sprite?
Abby: I feel like I'm in a Sprite refresh.
LH Michael: Why did constantinople get the works?
LH Michelle: That's nobody's business but the Turks'.
Sam: Scotty, do I have to tell you what belongs on the trophy?
Scotty: Don't make me feel like a second grade kid in school again, Sam!
Sam: The logo should be 2014 World Cup. Not Pepsi, Clorox or Sprite, but World Cup.
Scotty: You abused me so many times, I'm having trouble hearing. What logo goes here?
Sam: World Cup! World Cup! World Cup! World Cup! World Cup! World Cup! World Cup! World Cup! World Cup! World Cup! World Cup! World Cup!
(2014 FIFA World Cup Trophy pops up 12 times on the screen)
Sam: THAT DOES IT, SCOTTY! YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU'RE---
Wally: We forbid you to fire Scotty without our approval, Sam!
Elias: And that's an order!
Sam: I'm surrounded by insubordinates! I want justice!
(Lucifer and Lucretia McEvil)
[ViD Theme]
Elias: Oh sludge! It's Lucifer and Lucretia McEvil!
Lucifer: Correct, Elias David.
Lucretia: It's nice to see you again.
Sam: Oh sphincter! I ask for justice and I get these infernal imps barging in here!
Lucifer: We love how you treat Scotty! Keep it up!
Lucretia: Now's my chance to get it on with you, Elias!
Elias: As enticing as your charms are, Lucretia, you are still too dangerous for me!
Lucertia: Oh Elias! I'm not that dangerous for you, am I?
God: You certainly are!
Angela the Angel: Are these denizens of the dungeon of doom disturbing you again?
Guy the White: We'll beat them back for you.
Lucifer: Meddlers! We claim Elias David as ours!
Lucretia: Steal him from us and we'll shit all over him!
Guy the White: That is disgusting!
Angela the Angel: That vile act only sickens the victim!
God: If you soil him, you'll feel My Wrath!
Lucifer: No meddling! I mean it! Let's get him, Lucretia!
Lucretia: Right, Lucifer! Bombs---
*THUNDER!*
God: Never challenge My Authority again! Ever!
Lucifer: Get a hold of yourself, Lucifer.
You know your limits.
Stay
cool.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum
is
coming
on
now!
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP!
I HATE IT WHEN THE ALMIGHTY THWARTS ME!
I STILL SAY WHAT'S MINE IS MINE, YOU HEAR ME?
MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE!!
*BOOM!*
Lucretia: Look what you did! You made Lucifer throw a tantrum!
God: Like I said, never challenge My Authority!
Elias: You heard it from the Highest Authority! Begone!
Lucretia: You piss me off, Elias David! Now you're gonna get it! Bombs away!
*CENSORED!!!*
[PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP]
Elias: Gugh! You infernal waste dumper! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww!
[Elias David barfing]
Lucretia: That'll teach you, Elias! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
God: Go back where you came from, you maleficent marauders!
[God zaps strong powers to Lucifer and Lucretia McEvil]
Lucifer and Lucretia McEvil: We defy you! We defy you! We defy you! We defy---
*GIGANTIC EXPLOSION!!*
[Lucifer and Lucretia McEvil fall back through the WC bumper camera]
*THUD!*
Lucifer: Curses! Foiled again! These hard landings hurt! Ouch!
Lucretia: Oh Elias, if only I could have you for myself! Oh, our aching sphincters!
Lucifer and Lucretia McEvil: OW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!!
Guy the White: We've cleaned you up, Elias.
Angela the Angel: You may resume your video.
Elias: Thanks for sending those double-dealing do-badders back where they belong.
God: You're welcome.
Lucifer and Lucretia McEvil: Oh sphincter!
(Rhonda Raven)
Rhonda: Hi there!
Elias: Hi, Rhonda.
Sam: Who's Rhonda?
Rhonda: Rhonda Raven. Elias just hired me last week.
Elias: We met during our recent vacation. She rescued me from a drooping branch that was halfway up a steep hill.
Rhonda: Elias took a liking to my ability to fly.
Wally: That's how she got the name Raven.
Beulah: Abby, don't you feel jealous?
Abby: Not at all, Beulah. I've taken a liking to Wally.
Wally: Can we double-date with you and Rhonda?
Elias: Sure, Wally. We can take the car to keep Rhonda's powers inconspicuous.
Rhonda: Where should we go, Elias?
Elias: Where else?
Elias David: Chez Monyou!!
Scotty: Oh salmonella!
Sam: Places everyone! Roll camera! Toe the krophy!
(FIFA Toe the Krophy Brazil)
Elias: "Toe the krophy?"
Scotty: What's a krophy?
Mike: Toe the krophy!
Mary: Stow the mizzen mast!
Anna: Batten down the hatches!
Elias: Ship ahoy!
(Ship Ahoy!)
Jimmy: Ship ahoy!
Hank: Red sails in the sunset!
Harvey Zilth: Second star to the right and straight on till morning.
Sidney: The hatches are already battened down.
Elias: Batten them down again! We'll teach those hatches!
(The Hatches are Battened!)
Beulah: Don't count your battens before they hatch.
Abby: Does anyone know what a krophy is?
Sam: A krophy?
LH Michael: Yeah, Sam.
LH Michelle: You said "toe the krophy."
Sam: Sorry, just a slip of the tongue.
(A Slip of the Tongue)
Wally: A slip of the tongue ruins the shoe.
Rhonda: So that's what you do to a krophy! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Sam: Roll camera! Cue trophy!
(Q Trophy)
Elias: "Q Trophy?" That's lame!
RoboSoft 3: That's NOT lame, Elias!
Elias: That is SO lame, RoboSoft 3, and don't you deny it again! Ever!
RoboSoft 3: Okay, Elias, you asked for it!
(The World Cup captions fly out of the trophy!)
*SMASH!*
Elias: Gad! Low-bridged again!
RoboSoft 3: When I say NOT LAME, Elias, I mean NOT LAME!
Elias: Somebody get these letters off of me!
Rhonda: Hang on, Elias! I'll pry them off.
The text: Later, after Rhonda pried the letters off of Elias...
(The Croods: A New Age)
Mike: The Croods: A New Age.
Mary: A limp motion picture.
Anna: And a lame baker makes a limp biscuit! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
RoboSoft 3: "A limp biscuit?" Gross! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww!
[RoboSoft 3 barfing]
(FIFIFIFIFIFIFIFIFIFIFIFIFIFI World Cup)
Scotty: FIFIFIFIFIFIFIFIFIFIFIFIFIFI World Cup.
Jimmy: All the world's a looney.
Hank: The inmates take over the asylum.
Harvey Zilth: One flew east, one flew west.
Sidney: One flew over the cuckoo's nest.
(FAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFA World Cup)
Beulah: FAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFA World Cup.
Abby: Let's turn on the radio!
Elias: Top Ten time on Radio CHAOS. What's your request?
Sam: Let's get the intro right for once.
Elias: And now, here's Microsoft Sam's request.
(Microsoft Sam's Request: "Let's Get The Intro Right For Once")
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: You bellowed at me again, Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam?
Sam: Yes, I bellowed at you again, Scotty! What follows the trophy?
(WHAT?)
Sam: Scotty, if you fuck up the intro again, your ass is grass!
Scotty: Sheesh!
Elias David: SHUSH THE SHEESH!
Wally: Sam, if you fire Scotty without our permission once more, your ass is grass!
Sam: Why can't I fire Scotty and make it stick?
Elias: Because we disapprove of your firing anyone without our approval, and we do care about rank!
Rhonda: That's telling him, Elias.
Sam: Take it easy, Sam.
You know you can't fight city hall.
Remain
calm.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP!
I'M SO SICK AND FUCKING TIRED OF HAVING MY DECISIONS OVERRIDDEN AROUND HERE!
I WANT TO BE THE BOSS, YOU HEAR ME?
ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES!!
*B-B-B-BOOM!*
Mike: Holy Schneikees! Did you see what just happened?
Mary: Sam's tantrum made his head explode.
Anna: That's what happens when you get angry one too many times.
Elias: Let's get Sam to the hospital.
The text: The gang rushed Sam to the hospital, where he received a replacement head. While Sam recuperated, the bloopers continued.
(2014 FIFA Brazil)
Elias: What are you, a comedian or something?
Scotty: What do you mean, Elias?
Elias: The captions above the trophy should read "FIFA World Cup." After that, we should have "Brazil" appear.
Scotty: Got it, Your Elias-ship, sir!
(2014 World Cup Brazil)
Elias: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: ELIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAS!!
Jimmy: What in tarnation?
Hank: Elias's starting to act like Sam used to act.
Harvey Zilth: I think he's coming down with "Microsoft Sam's Disease."
Sidney: "Microsoft Sam's Disease?"
(Microsoft Sam's Disease)
Beulah: "Microsoft Sam's Disease?"
Abby: What's Microsoft Sam's Disease?
LH Michael: It's a condition that occurs in the brain that makes you want to treat people mercilessly.
LH Michelle: Namely, it's making Elias abuse Scotty the way Sam used to before he blew his own head off.
Elias: You know what the penalty is for constantly screwing up the intro, Scotty?
Scotty: What, Elias? *CROTCH KICK!* Ouch! You shithead! Owww!
Elias: AND NEXT TIME YOU SCREW IT UP, YOU'LL GET WORSE!
Wally: Jeez Louise, Elias! Can't you just turn down the volume?
Elias: TURN DOWN FOR WHAT??
Rhonda: Looks like Elias needs cooling off, Wally.
Wally: Good idea, Rhonda.
The text: Rhonda took Elias upstairs to calm him down. The next day...
SPECIAL NEWS BULLETIN!
Harvey Zilth: This is Harvey Zilth with a special news bulletin. A spokesperson at City Hospital says Microsoft Sam is doing fine with his new head and he is expected to be released today. Meanwhile, there have been reported sightings in the city of a stranger claiming to be Sam. We'll keep you posted as conditions warrant.
Rhonda: Do you feel better now, Elias?
Elias: Much better, Rhonda. And I'm sorry I acted that way toward Scotty.
Scotty: I accept your apology, Elias.
(Evil Sam)
[Closet Killer music breaking down]
Wally: Now what is this creature that just barged in here?
Evil Sam: I'm Microsoft Sam.
Mike: You can't be Sam.
Mary: Sam doesn't have red skin.
Anna: And neither does he have horns.
Evil Sam: I said I am Microsoft Sam.
Elias: No you're not.
Evil Sam: Yes I am.
Elias: No you're not!
Evil Sam: Yes I am!
Sam: Is there anything I can help you with?
Elias: Microsoft Sam! You came back!
Sam: Lucky for me, the doctors remembered what my head looked like.
Evil Sam: You can't be Sam. I'm Sam.
Scotty: I'm confused. Which one is the real Sam?
Sam: I'm Sam, and this asswipe in a devil suit is an impostor!
Evil Sam: Quit lying or I'll kick you in the crow's nest!
Sam: It's not a crow's nest; it's a crotch!
Evil Sam: Watch it or I'll whack you with a fency paast!
Elias: Not "fency paast" - "fence post!"
Chris Tarrant: Oh dear, you selected the wrong answer!
Evil Sam: No, no, no, no, no! I want to be a millionaire! Give me the money!
Chris Tarrant: No! *CROTCH KICK!* Oh, martian!
(Lucretia McEvil)
[ViD Theme]
Elias: Yipes! Lucretia McEvil!
Lucretia: In the flesh, Elias!
Sam: Where's Lucifer?
Lucretia: He's in a meeting with the Chairman.
Wally: Who's this Chairman?
Evil Sam: He's the one whom we answer to in Hades.
Lucretia: He acts as the top agent to the Great Deceiver himself.
Sam: So! This impostor is in league with the dark realm!
Elias: What happened to your tail, Lucretia?
Lucretia: The Chairman removed it. He refuses to give it back unless we take all of you to Hades.
God: That will never happen without conclusive proof of guilt!
Angela the Angel: I see these netherworld no-goodniks are up to no good again.
Guy the White: We'll negate their nefarious plot.
Evil Sam: Not so fast! You must let us take these goody-goodies to Hades!
Lucretia: If you refuse, we'll shit all over them!
Guy the White: Disgusting!
Angela the Angel: It only sickens them!
Evil Sam: Sickens them? That's scandalous!
Lucretia: The intent is not to sicken them, but to brand them as property of our realm!
God: My Will forbids that! Begone, you pests of perdition!
[God zaps powers to Evil Sam and Lucretia]
*B-B-B-BOOM!*
[Evil Sam and Lucretia fall back through the WC bumper camera]
*SMASH!*
Evil Sam: Curses! The Chairman will be furious when he finds out we failed!
Lucretia: Say no more, Evil Sam! That landing fractured half of our bones!
Evil Sam and Lucretia: OW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!!
Guy the White: We've sent those pests of perdition back to their putrid lair.
Angela the Angel: You may resume your video.
Elias: Thank God!
God: You're welcome.
Evil Sam and Lucertia: Oh colitis!
(2014 FIFA World Cup Brazil)
*BOOM!*
(F d l)
Elias: All right, who blew up the trophy?
Scotty: Not me.
Jimmy: Not me.
Hank: Not me.
Harvey Zilth: Not me.
Sidney: Not me.
Elias: Somebody's lying.
Scotty: Not me.
Jimmy: Not me.
Hank: Not me.
Harvey Zilth: Not me.
Sidney: Not me.
Elias: One of you is lying! Who blew up the trophy?
Sam: I did.
Mike: You?
Mary: You?
Anna: You?
Beulah: You?
Abby: You?
LH Michael: You?
LH Michelle: You?
Wally: You?
Rhonda: You?
Sam: That's right. Guess the joke's on all of you! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
Elias: Well, that's a load off of my mind!
Rhonda: What say we go out to eat?
Sam: Not Chez Monyou again!
Elias: This time it's a different place.
Scotty: And that is?
Elias David: Hugh Jass Burgers! One look at our special and you'll say: "That's one Hugh Jass burger!"
Sam: Oh botulism!
The bumper camera: OWWWW! Sorry.
Sam: Did you hurt yourself?
Elias: Just banged my fingers on the door when I came in.
Scotty: Places everyone! Roll camera! Cue the trophy!
Sam: Those are my lines, Scotty!
Scotty: In the words of Steve Martin, well excuuuuuuuuuuuuse meee!
(FIFA Brazil)
Mike: FIFA Brazil.
Mary: Where did the World Cup go?
Anna: Probably looking for flowers.
(World Cup Brazil)
Jimmy: World Cup.
Hank: Everything but the kitchen sink.
Harvey Zilth: We found the World Cup.
Sam: But where's the FIFA?
Sidney: At the risk of sounding lame, we used the FIFA to retrieve the World Cup.
Sam: Uh... yeah.
(FIFA World Cwap Brazil)
Beulah: FIFA World Cwap Brazil?
Abby: Who's their boss? Liamo Massy?
Elias: [Imitating Elmer Fudd] Ooh, that wascawwy wabbit!
(FIFA World Cup Punctures)
LH Michael: FIFA World Cup Punctures.
LH Michelle: A Flat Tire Production.
Sam: That's why Scotty's always late. He keeps getting a flat tire! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! *CROTCH KICK!* SOI!!
Scotty: That'll teach you to abuse me, Sam!
Wally: Way to go, Scotty!
Rhonda: Payback!
Sam: Is there no justice anymore?
(FIFA Wicked Beings Brazil)
Sign: Hades (The Underworld) If Trump tries to build a wall here, he'll lose his annexation privilege!
[ViD Theme]
Chairman: Lucifer and Lucretia, step forward.
Lucifer: We come as you command, Mr. Chairman.
Lucretia: For what purpose have you summoned us?
Chairman: Our master is extremely pissed that you keep failing to bring Elias David and his friends here.
Lucifer: It's not our fault that we keep getting thwarted, sir.
Lucretia: The Almighty and His so-called angels keep refusing to let us take them on the grounds that we refused to show conclusive proof of guilt!
Chairman: You asswipes! Don't you know that the accused ones are FORBIDDEN to know the proof against them?
Lucifer: The Almighty keeps rejecting our secrecy rules because our pursuit of Elias David and his friends is not a security matter!
Chairman: Our master is sick and fucking tired of such irrelevant statements! Not only will you remain without tails, but you are suspended from all earthly activity until further notice!
Lucretia: Oh sphincter!
(FIFA Warld Cup Brazil)
Sam: Uh, Scotty?
Scotty: Yeah, Sam?
Sam: Who are the Warld Cup?
Scotty: They used to live down the street from us.
(FIFA Werld Cup Brazil)
Mike: It's the Werld Cup Brazil again.
Mary: Maybe they're rocket scientists, like Dr. Wernher von Braun.
Anna: Fly me to the moon! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Sam: Great idea, Anna. But first, I'll send Scotty on a one-way trip to Mars.
Scotty: Sheesh!
Elias David: Shush the sheesh!
(Westinghouse)
Announcer: You can be sure... if it's Westinghouse.
Jimmy: Westinghouse.
Hank: Eastinghouse.
Harvey Zilth: Northinghouse.
Sidney: Southinghouse.
Sam: And Scotty will be in the doghouse if he doesn't get me the proper logo.
Elias: And if Sam fires Scotty once more without our permission, he'll be going to the moon! Bang! Zoom!
Sam: Oh strewth!
(NBC Peacock)
Announcer: The following program is brought to you in Living Color on NBC.
Beulah: Living Color.
Abby: Colors come alive.
LH Michael: Roy G. Biv is alive and well.
LH Michelle: And living in a spectrum.
Sam: I've had enough, Scotty! Pack up! You're fired!
Scotty: Fired? FIRED!?
Wally: Oh no you don't, Sam!
Elias: Scotty, you're re-hired.
Scotty: Thanks, Elias.
Sam: Elias and Wally, I accuse the both of you of mutiny!
Wally: Mutiny schmutiny! You just can't seem to accept that Elias and I outrank you and we care about rank!
Sam: But I was in these videos before Elias was. Why can't I be the boss?
Elias: Because I created this studio, that's why!
Rhonda: That's telling him, Elias!
Chris Tarrant: Oh no, that's the wrong answer! You've just lost... ...100 pounds! *CROTCH KICK!* Oh, martian!
Sam: I'm sick of never getting my way around here! Take this, you bitch! *CROTCH KICK!* OW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!!
Rhonda: Tricked ya, Sam! You didn't know I had lead pants on!
Sam: The Surgeon General should declare the wearing of lead pants hazardous to your health! Oh, my busted foot! OW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!!
Anna: Hang on, Sam.
The text: Later, after Anna healed Sam's broken foot...
(Red NYET)
Elias: Oh sludge! It's that Red NYET again!
Red NYET: That's correct, Elias David.
Mike: The Red NYET's back again?
Mary: This can only mean one thing.
Anna: Our studio has been hacked.
Sam: Russian hackers?
Scotty: I'll bet that hacker's name is Vladimir.
Elias: Vladimir, knock it off!
Red NYET: "Vladimir Knock-it-off?" Hah! It's not hackers that sent me here, it's the Chairman of Hades!
Elias: What does he want with us?
Red NYET: He's demanding the Almighty sign a decree of damnation against you.
Elias: And if the Almighty refuses to sign for lack of credible evidence?
Red NYET: We have ways of making you surrender!
(Angry P-Head and Two-Headed P-Head)
Sam: Oh earwigs! It's the Angry P-Head and Two-Headed P-Head!
Angry P-Head: Yes, it's us!
Two-Headed P-Head: We have orders to take you to Hades!
Elias: For your information, the Almighty KNOWS of your evil plot to abduct us without first showing conclusive proof of guilt!
Angry P-Head: You are forbidden to know proof, and you and your friends are summarily guilty!
Two-Headed P-Head: Come with us to Hades or we'll shit all over you!
Anna: Don't you dare get filthy with us!
Red NYET: Don't tell us what not to do, you harlot!
Anna: I am not a harlot!
Angry P-Head: You are too a harlot!
Two-Headed P-Head: Admit it, you harlot!
Anna: I said I am not a harlot!
Red Nyet and Angry P-Head and Two-Headed P-Head: Harlot! Harlot! Harlot! Harlot! Harlot!
Anna: Don't you dare taunt me! Take this!
[Anna zaps powers to the Red NYET and Angry P-Head and Two-Headed P-Head]
*B-B-B-BOOM!*
Anna: There! That'll teach those knock-offs not to mess with us!
(Vulcanna Ash)
[Closet Killer music breaking down]
Vulcanna Ash: Another intruder?
Elias: Call security!
Vulcanna Ash: You must be joking. All security here has been dismantled.
Elias: Who are you?
Vulcanna Ash: The name's Vulcanna Ash, and I've come for you.
Rhonda: You leave Elias alone! He's mine!
Vulcanna Ash: Do you mind? Leave us alone!
[Vulcanna Ash zaps powers to Rhonda]
*B-B-B-BOOM!*
[Rhonda falls down through the WC bumper camera]
[THUD!]
Elias: You monster! Look what you just did to Rhonda!
Sam: Where did she go?
Rhonda on the ground: Over here, Sam and Elias. And I'm all right. This Vulcanna Ash really packs some heat!
Vulcanna Ash: Now's my chance!
[SPROING!]
[WHUMP!]
Elias: Gad! You're a real heavyweight, Vulcanna Ash!
Vulcanna Ash: You ain't seen nothing yet, kiddo!
God: What's going on here?
Angela the Angel: Is this underworld concubine making a move on you?
Guy the White: We'll get her off of you in a jiffy.
Vulcanna Ash: Do you mind? I'm taking Elias to see the Chairman in Hades!
God: Not without conclusive proof of guilt against him! And don't you dare invoke secrecy rules because this is not a security matter!
Vulcanna Ash: That statement is irrelevant!
God: Don't becloud the issue! No one overrules Me!
Vulcanna Ash: Either you sign a decree of damnation against Elias David or I shall be forced to shit all over him!
Guy the White: Disgusting!
Angela the Angel: No matter what you say, that vile act only sickens the victim!
God: And I forbid all talk of such an act branding the victim as yours because no conclusive proof of guilt exists!
Elias: You heard it from the Highest Authority! Begone!
Vulcanna Ash: You piss me off, Elias David! Now you're gonna get it! Bombs away!
*CENSORED!!*
[FWOOSH! FWOOSH! FWOOSH!]
Sam: Hah! She didn't soil Elias!
Elias: All she did was break wind!
Vulcanna Ash: You tricked me! I feel like my rectum is on fire! Ouch!
God: Like I said, no one overrules Me! I'm sending you back where you belong!
[God zaps powers to Vulcanna Ash]
*B-B-B-BOOM!*
[Vulcanna Ash falls through the WC bumper camera]
*SMASH!*
Vulcanna Ash: Curses! Thwarted by the Almighty! Oh, my burning rectum! OW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!!
Rhonda: Whew! That was hard work, climbing out of that hole.
Elias: At least you're all right.
Guy the White: We sent that leech of lust back to the land of the lost.
Angela the Angel: You may resume your video.
Elias: Thanks for saving us again.
God: And I'll remind the Chairman that no power of darkness can overcome Mine.
Vulcanna Ash: Oh bleeding ulcers!
(FIFA World Cup That's All Folks!)
Scotty: Oops! Methinks we goofed again!
Sam: Youthinks right, Scotty. We can try again.
Elias: Uh, not now. Let's take the rest of the day off.
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMM!!
Elias: At it already?
Sam: We're just practicing, Elias.
Scotty: We're arguing over who stole the practice tee.
(FIFA Practice Tee Brazil)
Mike: FIFA Practice Tee Brazil.
Mary: A Golf Rehearsal Production.
Anna: It's what golfers drink before a round. Practice tea! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Elias David: Not funny!
Anna: Sorry.
(FIFA World Cogeys Brazil)
Scotty: FIFA World Cogeys.
Jimmy: I didn't know FIFAs had golf courses.
Hank: Four!
Harvey Zilth: Five!
Sidney: Six!
Sam: Get it right!
Scotty: Oh sand traps!
(FIFA World Caseball Brazil)
Beulah: FIFA World Caseball Brazil.
Abby: A Home Run Production.
LH Michael: For it's one, two, three strikes you're out.
LH Michelle: At the old ballgame.
Sam: Scotty will be out if he doesn't get the captions right.
Elias: And Sam will get his brains bashed in if he fires Scotty without our approval.
Sam: Oh sphincter!
(FIFA World Clunders Brazil)
Wally: FIFA World Clunders.
Rhonda: FIFA's annual blooper reel.
Sam: Cup.
Scotty: What?
Sam: Cup, Scotty. Cup.
Scotty: Oh brother!
(FIFA World World Brazil)
Mike: FIFA World World Brazil?
Mary: Next we'll have Cup Cup.
Sam: Don't give them any ideas, Mary!
Mary: Sorry.
(FIFA Cup Cup Brazil)
Anna: FIFA Cup Cup Brazil.
Jimmy: Nuns on the run.
Hank: What would you call nuns on wheels?
Harvey Zilth: Holy rollers!
Sidney: Get thee to a nunnery!
(FIFA World Trophy Brazil)
LH Michael: FIFA World Trophy Brazil.
LH Michelle: They must be our new neighbors.
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!! YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU'RE FIRED!!
Scotty: Fired? FIRED!?
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP!
SAM, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO FIRE ME!
RE-HIRE ME OR I'LL KILL MYSELF
YOU ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE!!
*BOOM!*
(FIFA Wrongful Termination Brazil)
Sam: What do you mean "wrongful termination?" Scotty's firing is justified, you hear? Justified!
Wally: Justified my ass!
Elias: Scotty, you're re-hired.
Scotty: Thanks, Elias.
*TRIPLE CROTCH KICK!*
Elias: OW-UCH!!
Scotty: You shithead, Sam! Owww!
Wally: Explain yourself, Sam!
Sam: I want authority around here!
Rhonda: You do have some authority here, Sam.
Elias: We're talking about rank!
Sam: Why should I give a shit about rank? And how come you're never guilty of mutiny when you or Wally override me?
Wally: Because Elias created this studio, Sam.
Elias: And don't you go Donald Trump on us and try to seize control in this studio, you dig?
Sam: Yessir. Asswipe! *CROTCH KICK!* SOI!!
(FIFA Soi Cup Brazil)
Mike: FIFA Soi Cup?
Mary: Do they date the Rofl Trophies?
Anna: I know what they serve for breakfast: soy waffles! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Chris Tarrant: I'm afraid that is the wrong answer. *CROTCH KICK!* Oh, martian!
(FIFA Soy Waffles Brazil)
Jimmy: FIFA Soy Waffles.
Hank: Waffles for healthy living.
Harvey Zilth: Start the day right.
Sidney: And eat light.
Sam: I've had it with you, Scotty!
Scotty: Put me down, Sam!
Beulah: You heard Scotty, Sam! Put him down!
Sam: Scotty's job was to get the bumper right, and he hasn't been doing it! Out you go! Out out out out out out out!
*THUD!*
Elias: We warned you against firing Scotty without our permission, Sam!
Sam: Put me down! This is mutiny!
Elias: Mutiny, schmutiny! You don't own this studio, Sam! Get out and stay out!
*THUD!*
Elias: Now let's go get Scotty and bring him back before he kills himself.
The text: Later, after the gang found Scotty, talked him out of suicide, and brought him back...
(FIFA Suicide Cup Brazil)
Beulah: FIFA Suicide Cup.
Abby: Do they date the Nihilist Trophies?
Elias: That is L-A-M-E lame!
RoboSoft 3: That is NOT lame, Elias!
Elias: I take it back. That wasn't lame; only worn.
RoboSoft 3: Take it easy, RoboSoft 3. Stay... Cool... Uh-oh! Tantrum... is... coming... on... now! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT! YOU TRICKED ME, ELIAS DAVID! I CAN'T STAND BEING TRICKED YOU SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH!!
*BOOM!*
LH Michael: Well, look at that!
LH Michelle: RoboSoft 3 just threw a tantrum.
Elias: Turnabout is fair play.
RoboSoft 3: Sorry about that tantrum, Elias, but you know I can't stand being tricked.
Elias: At least you didn't throw the letters at me again.
(FIFA Revenge Cup Brazil)
Sam: Aha! Reach for the sky!
Wally: What is the meaning of this, Sam?
Rhonda: Why are you holding us all at gunpoint?
Elias: Now put that gun down and we'll have a nice long talk.
Sam: You're all under arrest for mutiny! And Scotty is banned from working in this studio again! Ever!
Elias: Drop the charges and lift the ban, Sam! Can't you get it through that thick head of yours that I own this studio?
Sam: I was in these videos before you, Elias! Let me have control in this studio, or else I'll shoot!
Elias: You can't do that, Sam! That's MURDER!!
Sam: Fuck you, Elias! Fuck all of you! Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you!
The text: Before Sam could fire a single shot, Elias knocked the gun out of his hand. Then, Wally and Rhonda washed Sam's mouth out with soap.
Sam: Bleh! Gugh! Not Lifebuoy! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww!
[Sam barfing]
Rhonda: This should teach Sam a lesson in power seizures.
Wally: And Sam, don't ever threaten us again over the issue of Scotty's employment here!
Sam: Sorry, Wally. I guess I went out of my head.
Elias: You're lucky you didn't lose it, Sam.
(Vulcanna Ash)
[Closet Killer music breaking down]
Elias: Zounds! Vulcanna Ash!
Vulcanna Ash: Correct, Elias.
Elias: What are you doing back here?
Rhonda: You leave Elias alone! He's mine!
Vulcanna Ash: I didn't come to take Elias away from you. I came to bring a message from the Chairman of Hades.
Sam: The Chairman of Hades?
Scotty: What does he want?
Vulcanna Ash: He banned Lucifer and Lucretia from making any more earthly appearances.
Elias: Good riddance to bad rubbish!
Vulcanna Ash: He wants all of you to surrender.
Elias: We'll do nothing of the kind!
God: What's going on here?
Angela the Angel: Is this netherworld nymphomaniac needling you again?
Guy the White: We'll send her back.
Vulcanna Ash: No more interference from you meddlers! Let me take Elias for myself or else I'll shit all over him!
Guy the White: Disgusting!
Angela the Angel: It can only sicken him!
God: Tell your Chairman that the only way he can claim any soul is by showing conclusive proof of guilt! The Almighty has spoken!
Elias: You heard it from the Highest Authority! Begone!
Vulcanna Ash: Your rejection of me just pisses me off, Elias David! I'm gonna give it to you good! Bombs away!
*CENSORED!!!*
[PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP]
Elias: Gugh! You infernal waste dumper! Eeeewww! EEEEEEEEWWWW!!
[Elias David barfing]
Vulcanna Ash: That'll teach you to reject me, Elias! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
God: Never defy My Authority! Take that!
[God zaps powers to Vulcanna Ash]
*B-B-B-BOOM!*
[Vulcanna Ash falls down through the WC bumper camera]
[SMASH!]
Vulcanna Ash: Curses! Beaten again! I'm telling the Chairman on you! Oh, my aching sphincter! OW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!!
Guy the White: We've cleaned you up, Elias.
Angela the Angel: You may resume your video.
Elias: Thank God!
God: You're welcome.
Vulcanna Ash: Oh gonorrhea!
(The World Cup bumper stopped)
(Brazil drop)
(FIFA World Cup drop)
(2014 Trophy drop)
(Set drop)
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMM!!
Elias: QUIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!!
Wally: That's telling them, Elias!
Elias: Aren't you ashamed, Sam, taking every mishap out on Scotty? Especially when it was never his fault in the first place?
Sam: Sorry. It's just an old habit I can't shake.
Anna: I can help Sam overcome his old habits.
Rhonda: You do that, Anna. The rest of us can go out to dinner.
Elias: Great idea, Rhonda!
Sam: Where should we go?
Elias: Let's try that new place downtown.
Scotty: And that is?
Elias David: Rhode Island Red's! The ideal place for a hen party!
Scotty: Oh listeria!
Sam: Places everyone!
Elias: Roll camera!
Scotty: Cue the trophy!
(Bumper camera)
Scotty: Oops! Forgot the trophy.
(FIFA World Cup Brazil caption)
Scotty: What am I, glutton for punishment?
(Glutton for Punishment)
Mike: Glutton for Punishment.
Mary: A Lovable Loser Production.
Anna: Starring Sam as the man who always gives Scotty a hard time! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Sam: Very funny, Anna!
Anna: Sorry, Sam. I was only teasing you.
Sam: Now give me the trophy, Scotty.
Scotty: Coming right up, boss!
(The Trophy)
Jimmy: Blank trophy.
Hank: What is this, Match Game?
Harvey Zilth: There's nothing on the trophy.
Sidney: Can we write on it?
Sam: No you can not, and give me the captions!
Scotty: Here they come, Sam!
(The World Cup captions)
Beulah: First the trophy without the captions, then the captions without the trophy.
Abby: They look so exquisite that way.
Sam: Now how about putting the captions on the trophy?
Scotty: Very well, if you want to get technical.
(The Captions with the Trophy!)
LH Michael: Sam asked for the captions on the trophy.
LH Michelle: And look what he got! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!
Elias: WHAT ARE YOU GUYS YELLING ABOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT??
Sam: Scotty keeps fucking up the bumper, Elias!
Scotty: Well, tscha! Sam asked for the captions on the trophy!
Sam: Yeah, but I didn't mean the words "the captions with the trophy!"
Wally: I don't see why Sam should be upset about these bloopers.
Rhonda: We love them. They're funny! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Sam: Now listen up, Scotty. The caption with the trophy should display World Cup.
Scotty: World Cup, Sam?
Sam: Yes. World as in Wisenheimer, Cup as in Cuphead.
Scotty: All right! Judas Priest, you make me feel like a total asswipe!
Sam: JUST GET IT DONE, SCOTTY!
Scotty: Sheesh!
Elias David: SHUSH THE SHEESH!
(FIFA Wisenheimer Cuphead Brazil)
Elias: "Wisenheimer Cuphead!" Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! *CROTCH KICK!* OW-UCH!! MICROSOFT SAM, YOU'RE FIRED!!
Sam: Fired? FIRED!?
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAPPITY CRAPPITY CRAPPITY CRAP!
ELIAS DAVID, I'M SO SICK AND FUCKING TIRED OF BEING OVERRIDDEN!
I HAVE THE RIGHT TO FIRE PEOPLE AND MAKE IT STICK, YOU HEAR ME?
YOU ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE!!
*BOOM!*
Anna: Are you all right, Sam?
Sam: I'm all right, Anna. I don't think it was fair of Elias to fire me.
Elias: When will you ever learn that this is MY studio, Sam?
Sam: But I was in these videos before you, Elias. Don't you think that justifies my right to be the boss?
Wally: We let you direct, and you just turn into a control freak.
Elias: And you can never make personnel moves around here without our approval, you dig?
Anna: May I make a request, Elias?
Elias: Go ahead, Anna.
Anna: If I take Sam to my retreat for some therapy, would you give him his job back?
Elias: If you can cure Sam of his control-freak tendencies, it's a deal.
The text: Anna took Sam to her retreat. Meanwhile, the bloopers continued.
(FIFA Security Cup Brazil)
Mike: FIFA Security Cup.
Mary: For all your security system needs.
Sergeant C.J. O'Randolph: Excuse me, am I interrupting?
Elias: Not at all.
Sergeant C.J. O'Randolph: I'm Sergeant C.J. O'Randolph of the 33rd Precinct. Our department has been investigating reports of a mysterious entity hovering over the area.
Scotty: A mysterious entity?
Beulah: Elias shouldn't worry, Sarge.
Abby: We've got protection.
Rhonda: That's right. I can use my powers to protect Elias from any adversaries we may run across.
Sergeant C.J. O'Randolph: This entity may be too powerful for you. You had best stay out of sight until we can get rid of it.
Rhonda: Then there's only one thing to do. Elias, we'll need to go into hiding.
Elias: That's a great idea, Rhonda.
Wally: Be careful, Elias and Rhonda.
Elias: I'm sure this mysterious entity knows nothing of the hideaway.
Rhonda: We'll come back when the heat's off.
Wally: Good. Incidentally, don't go out through the--- [SMASH!] ---ceiling.
Rhonda: Sorry.
(FIFA Escape Cup Brazil)
Jimmy: FIFA Escape Cup.
Hank: They'll help you get away from it all.
Harvey Zilth: Need a relaxing vacation to escape the humdrum world?
Sidney: Call the Escape Cup!
(FIFA Entity Cup Brazil)
LH Michael: Do you feel a kind of electric charge in the air, Michelle?
LH Michelle: It sure isn't just static, Michael.
Sergeant C.J. O'Randolph: Stay clear. The entity is coming.
Wally: The entity?
*BOOM!*
[ViD Theme]
Sergeant C.J. O'Randolph: Who are you?
Chairman: I'm the Chairman of Hades.
Mike: The Chairman of Hades?
Mary: What do you want with us?
Chairman: It's not you I'm after; it's Elias David and Microsoft Sam.
Wally: They've gone into hiding along with Microsoft Anna and Rhonda Raven.
Chairman: All the legions of Hades have gone in strike in protest of Lucifer and Lucretia's suspension from all earthly appearances.
Sergeant C.J. O'Randolph: If they want Elias and Sam, they're out of luck. The Almighty and His angels are making sure your infernal forces never possess them.
Chairman: Although I'm pissed-off too, under the influence of the Almighty, I've been forced to lift the ban on Lucifer and Lucretia's earthly apperances.
Wally: Fair warning: harm any of us and we'll call on the Almighty and His angels to beat your legions back!
Chairman: We'll still find ways to get around those meddlers! Till we meet again...
*BOOM!*
RoboSoft 3: Upon hearing that the Chairman returned to his dark realm, Sam, Anna, Elias and Rhonda left the hideaway.
(My Life as a Teenage Robot)
Sam in flight: Thanks for the therapy, Anna. I promise never to mistreat Scotty anymore.
Anna in flight: Promises, promises, Sam. Always promises.
Sam in flight: This one I'll keep.
Anna in flight: I know, Sam. I can never stay mad at you no matter how hard I try.
Elias in flight: Are you sure it's safe to return, Rhonda?
Rhonda in flight: I'm positive, Dave. Sergeant O'Randolph told me that the entity returned to the dark world from whence it came.
Elias in flight: And we were just having fun in our hideaway.
Rhonda in flight: As soon as we get home, Elias, we can have more fun.
(FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFA World Cup)
Scotty: Uh-oh! Methinks we goofed again!
Jimmy: Youthinks right, Scotty.
Hank: One too many I's in FIFA.
Harvey Zilth: That makes it really FIFA.
Sidney: I couldn't have said it better.
Chris Tarrant: You are wrong! I'm so sorry! *CROTCH KICK!* Oh, martian!
(FIFAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA World Cup)
Beulah: Looks like the A key got stuck.
Abby: How many A's are there in FIFA?
Sam: I think one ought to be plenty.
Scotty: Sam! You came back!
Sam: And I apologize for the way I treated you.
Anna: I had to zap Sam again and again, but he doesn't mind it.
Elias: As long as you keep finding the zone, Anna, Sam can behave normally.
Rhonda: What was that entity that just visited here?
Sergeant C.J. O'Randolph: It was the Chairman of Hades. He seemed incredibly pissed.
Sam: That can only mean one thing.
Elias: Some evil adversaries may come after us.
Rhonda: No matter what they try, they can't get us.
Anna: We'll have divine protection.
(Lucifer and Lucretia McEvil)
[ViD Theme]
Sam: Oh buggers!
Elias: Lucifer and Lucretia McEvil!
Lucifer: We've come back, as we vowed we would.
Lucretia: The Chairman allowed us to visit you, but we can't get our tails back yet.
Anna: And you don't have your pointed stick with you either.
Rhonda: Entities of evil are no match for divine powers.
Lucifer: Not so fast! I claim Sam as my own!
Sam: You let go of me, you brute!
Lucretia: And I claim Elias! Let's make out!
Elias: You're too dangerous for me, Lucretia!
God: What's going on here?
Angela the Angel: Are these netherworld ne'er-do-wells giving you a hard time?
Guy the White: We'll send them back to their sinister lair.
Lucifer: Meddlers! Sam and Elias belong to us!
Lucretia: Steal them from us and we'll shit all over them!
Guy the White: Disgusting!
Angela the Angel: No matter what you say, that vile act only sickens the victims!
God: Soil them and feel My Wrath! And no matter what your Chairman says, I will not allow you to claim anyone without first showing conclusive proof of guilt!
Lucifer and Lucretia McEvil: Scandalous!
God: Not scandalous!
Lucifer and Lucretia McEvil: Scandalous!
God: Not scandalous!
Lucifer and Lucretia McEvil: Scandalous!
God: Not scandalous!
Lucifer: Stop pissing us off! Let's get them, Lucretia!
Lucretia: Right, Lucifer! Bombs---
[THUNDER!]
God: My Authority can never be superseded! Take this, you greedy soul-grabbers!
[God zaps powers to Lucifer and Lucretia McEvil]
Lucifer and Lucretia McEvil: We defy you! We defy you! We defy you! We ---
*GIGANTIC EXPLOSION!!*
[Lucifer and Lucretia McEvil fall through the WC bumper camera]
[THUD!]
Lucifer: Curses! Foiled again! Enough with the hard landings! OW-UCH!
Lucretia: We're coming back and we won't let anything stop us! Oh, my aching sphincter!
Lucifer & Lucretia: OW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!!
Guy the White: Good riddance to bad rubbish!
Angela the Angel: You may resume your video.
Elias: Thanks for sending those despicable desperadoes back to their dungeon of doom.
God: You're welcome.
Lucifer & Lucretia: Oh colonic flare-ups!
(FIFA FIFA Brazil)
Scotty: Oops! Screwed up again.
Sam: We almost got it, Scotty.
Elias: It's almost lunchtime. Let's all go out to eat, gang.
Rhonda: Splendid idea, Elias.
Scotty: Where should we go?
Elias: Where else?
Elias David: CHEZ MONYOU!!
Scotty: Oh salmonella!
Sam: Let's get this show on the road!
Elias: Where to, Sam?
Sam: Where to what?
Scotty: You said "let's get this show on the road."
(FIFA Road Show Brazil)
Mike: Where should we go?
Mary: New York?
Anna: Chicago?
Jimmy: Boston?
Hank: Philadelphia?
Harvey Zilth: Los Angeles?
Sidney: San Francisco?
Beulah: London?
Abby: Paris?
LH Michael: Rome?
LH Michelle: Tokyo?
Wally: Follow the stars.
Rhonda: Venus and Mars are all right tonight.
Elias: Nerdocrumbesia?
(FIFA Nerdocrumbesia Cup Brazil)
Sam: Where in the world is Nerdocrumbesia?
Scotty: Don't ask me. I'm still trying to figure out where Potsylvania is.
(FIFA Potsylvania Cup Brazil)
Mike: FIFA Potsylvania Cup.
Mary: A Boris and Natasha Production.
Anna: "Looking for a Moose and Squirrel."
Elias: Hello! The Cold War ended a quarter-century ago!
Sam: I'm not a clock-watcher! Sheesh!
Elias David: SHUSH THE SHEESH!
(The Cold War)
Jimmy: Cold War.
Hank: As opposed to Hot Peace?
Harvey Zilth: We're still fighting a war against the common cold.
Sidney: As opposed to the rare hot?
Elias: Lame!
RoboSoft 3: Not lame!
Elias: I say it's lame, and I mean L-A-M-E!
RoboSoft 3: Okay, Elias, you asked for it!
(World Cup captions flying out of the trophy)
[THUD!]
Elias: One of these days, RoboSoft 3!
Rhonda: Don't worry, Elias. I'll pry the captions off of you.
The text: Later, after Rhonda pried the captions off of Elias...
(Applebee's)
Beulah: Applebee's.
Abby: I'll bet there's an Applebee's store too! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! *CROTCH KICK!* Ouch! Sam, stop kicing people in the crotch! Owww!
Elias: Sam, why did you kick Abby in the crotch?
Sam: She stole my laugh line, Elias!
Elias: That laugh line is in the public domain, Sam!
Sam: It's my property, Elias!
Elias: Public domain!
Sam: My property!
Elias: Public domain!
Sam: My property!
Elias: Public domain!
Sam: My property!
RoboSoft 3: The laugh line "Hahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl" is IN THE PUBLIC DOMAIN!
Elias: And don't you deny it again, Sam! Capeesh?
Sam: Yessir. Asswipe! *CROTCH KICK!* SOI!!
(Animal Planet)
LH Michael: Animal Planet.
LH Michelle: Animals that come in a planet! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
(Jewel-Osco)
Sam: Uh, Scotty?
Scotty: Yeah, Sam?
Sam: What are all these logos doing here?
Scotty: Search me, Sam!
Sam: Am I ever tempted!
Elias: Watch it, Sam! You promised never to harass Scotty again, remember?
Sam: Sorry, Elias.
(Kum & Go)
Mike: Kum & Go.
Mary: Great panorama.
Anna: I'd love to have a room with a view, in a penthouse for two.
Sam: Later, Anna. I promise.
(DSW)
Jimmy: DSW?
Hank: What's a DSW?
Harvey Zilth: I don't know, but I'll bet it's very heavy.
Sidney: About 2 tons! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
RoboSoft 3: Now THAT joke was lame!
(Rankin-Bass)
[Rankin-Bass theme]
Beulah: Rankin Bass? What kind of fish is a Rankin Bass?
Abby: Such a fish may attract a lot of cats.
(Nyan Cat)
Abby: Oh strewth! It's that Nyan Cat again! Ah... Ahhh... Ah-CHOO!
*BOOM!*
Beulah: Gesundheit, Abby!
Abby: Thanks, Beulah. I guess my allergy came back.
LH Michael: Abby's allergy came back?
LH Michelle: She must be experiencing a relapse.
Wally: My nose never smokes like that when I sneeze.
Rhonda: I've got just the cure for that.
The text: Later, after Rhonda cured Abby of her cat allergy...
(1950 FIFA World Cup Brazil Trophy)
Sam: That's the World Cup Brazil?
Scotty: It doesn't look that way in World Cup.
Elias: It's not THE World Cup Brazil, it's A World Cup Brazil.
Mike: That was used in FIFA's World Cup Sports like Basketball and Baseball.
Mary: And Tennis and Soccer.
Anna: Go west, young trophy! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
(1982 FIFA World Cup Spain Trophy)
Jimmy: Here we go again.
Hank: The World Cup Spain logo.
Harvey Zilth: We couldn't find a concrete one.
Sidney: Not even one made out of Creosote.
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!
Elias: QUIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!!
Beulah: That's telling them, Elias!
Abby: You know we're getting tired of Sam and Scotty's infighting!
Sam: Stay out of this, Abby, or I'll summon the Nyan Cat!
Abby: Oh noes! Not the Nyan Cat!
(Nyan Cat again)
Abby: Ah... Ahhh... Ah-CHOO!
*BOOM!*
Elias: Microsoft Sam?
Sam: What now, Elias?
Elias: YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU'RE FIRED!!
Sam: Fired? FIRED!?
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAPPITY CRAPPITY CRAPPITY CRAP!
ELIAS DAVID, WHEN WILL YOU LET ME HAVE CONTROL IN THIS STUDIO?
AND WHEN WILL YOU ALLOW ME TO FIRE SCOTTY FOR HIS FUCKUPS AND PREVENT HIS RETURN?
I WANT JUSTICE, YOU HEAR ME?
ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE!!
*BOOM!*
LH Michael: Poor Sam. He's at it again.
LH Michelle: He's stricken with jealousy because Elias and Wally run the studio and he's only a director.
Wally: I think Sam needs professional help.
Rhonda: I'll let Anna handle this.
Anna: Now relax, Sam. This won't hurt a bit.
[Anna zaps powers to Sam]
*B-B-B-BOOM!*
Sam: Thanks, Anna.
Anna: You're welcome, Sam.
Elias: Now that we've cleared the clutter, let's work on the intro.
Scotty: Gotcha, Elias!
(Flying captions in opposite directions)
Mike: Did you see that, Mary?
Mary: That's the first time I've seen the captions fly off in opposite directions.
Anna: Now that is something completely different.
(FIFA World Cooze Brazil)
Jimmy: FIFA World Cooze.
Hank: For when you need a quick one.
Harvey Zilth: Drink World Cooze when you hear bad news.
Sidney: World Cooze can chase down those blues.
Sam: This is an alcohol-free studio.
Scotty: Then what else is there to drink?
RoboSoft 3: Drink Friz! Six Delicious Flavors! Strawberry, Raspberry, Cherry, Orange, Lemon and Lime!
(FIFA World Bombs Brazil)
Beulah: FIFA World Bombs. Pictures from the Worlds studio that flopped at the box office.
Abby: And we're not even at war.
*BOOM!*
Abby: Of course, I could be wrong.
Chris Tarrant: Oh no, that's the wrong answer! You've just lost... ...100 pounds! *CROTCH KICK!* Oh, martian!
(2014 FIFA World Cup Brazil)
*BOOM!*
(F d C l)
LH Michael: Holy Schneikees! Did you see that, Michelle?
LH Michelle: The 2014 World Cup exploded again.
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!! YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO---
Elias: STOP BLAMING SCOTTY FOR THESE BLOOPERS, SAM!!
Wally: You know we love them!
Rhonda: They're funny!
Sam: Fuck you all! Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you!
The text: Later, after Elias, Wally, Anna and Rhonda washed Sam's mouth out with soap...
Sam: Bleh! Gugh! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww!
[Sam barfing]
Anna: Sorry we had to do that to you, Sam, but you needed to be taught a lesson.
Sam: My stomach! I'm poisoned!
Elias: I knew we shouldn't have used Lifebuoy.
Rhonda: I agree. Let's stick to Listerine.
Anna: I'll nurse Sam back to health while the rest of you go out to eat.
Wally: Good idea, Anna.
Scotty: So where are we going this time?
Elias: I thought you'd never ask.
Elias David: Pissed-Off Pete's! The place to go when you need to let off steam!
Scotty: Oh gastritis!
[CRASH!]
Sam: What happened?
Scotty: It wasn't me, Sam.
Sam: I never said it was you, Scotty.
Elias: The camera fell apart again. Time out while we make repairs.
(Technical Difficulties Please Stand By screen)
[WD-40 jingle playing backwards]
Mike: "Whoa geezergut geezergut geezergut?"
Mary: What does that mean?
Anna: Sounds like space aliens.
(Whoa Geezergut Geezergut Geezergut)
Jimmy: "Whoa geezergut geezergut geezergut?"
Hank: Is that what they're saying?
Harvey Zilth: Maybe it's "Bo, he's a good, he's a good, he's a good."
Sidney: Or it's "Go Pizza Hut, Pizza Hut, Pizza Hut."
(Go Pizza Hut Pizza Hut Pizza Hut)
Beulah: Go Pizza Hut Pizza Hut Pizza Hut.
Abby: A Deep Dish Production.
Sam: Uh, Scotty?
Scotty: Yeah, Sam?
Sam: What's with the commercial plug?
Scotty: Tscha! The money has to come from somewhere, doesn't it?
(Commercial Plugs)
LH Michael: Commercial Plugs.
LH Michelle: A Madison Avenue Production.
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!
Elias: [Yaaaaaaaawn!]
Sam: No yawning when I'm disciplining Scotty, Elias!
Wally: There's discipline, Sam, and there's abuse.
Elias: And we're sick and tired of your abusing Scotty!
Sam: As director, I do not abuse people; I discipline them!
Scotty: So what's wrong with a commercial plug?
Sam: I'll tell you what's wrong. IT COSTS ME MONEY, YOU ASSWIPE!!
Elias: No, Sam. You don't pay the advertisers; they pay you.
Sam: Well, that's different. Sorry I jumped on you, Scotty.
Scotty: Apology accepted, Sam.
Rhonda: And what were those voices really saying?
(Ytrof Eedabud Eedabud Eedabud)
Elias: "Ytrof eedabud eedabud eedabud," not "Whoa geezergut geezergut geezergut," "Bo, he's a good, he's a good, he's a good," or "Go Pizza Hut, Pizza Hut, Pizza Hut." It's the old WD-40 jingle played backwards.
Mike: Those are real tongue twisters.
Mary: Like "the sixth sick sheik's sixth sick sheep's sick."
Anna: Or "thrice times three, twice times two."
Elias: Or even "rubber baby buggy bumpers."
Sam: Oh strewth!
(Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers)
Sam: Rubber bubby bubba bubbers. Rubber baby booby bibbies.
Scotty: Sam's tongue is twisted! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! *CROTCH KICK!* Ouch! Not again, you shithead! Owww!
*CROTCH KICK!*
Sam: SOI!!
Elias: That was for kicking Scotty in the crotch, Sam!
Sam: But he stole my laugh line, Elias!
Elias: When are you gonna accept the fact that that laugh line is in the public domain?
Sam: He's right, Sam.
Just let it go.
Remain
calm.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP!
I'M SICK OF OTHER PEOPLE USING MY LAUGH LINE!
IT SHOULD BE MY PROPERTY, YOU HEAR ME?
MY PROPERTY MY PROPERTY MY PROPERTY MY PROPERTY MY PROPERTY MY PROPERTY MY PROPERTY MY PROPERTY!!
*BOOM!*
[Rhonda and Elias falling through the WC bumper camera]
[THUD!]
Wally: Are you through, Sam?
Sam: I'm sorry, Wally. I shouldn't be so possessive of that laugh line.
Scotty: And your tantrum sent Rhonda and Elias falling through the bumper camera.
Sam: Judas Priest! Where'd they go?
Anna: They're planted in the ground outside our front door.
Elias: Why must you do this to me, Sam?
Rhonda: Don't worry about it, Elias. Let's start digging our way out before the earthworms get us.
Jimmy: Sam's tantrum planted Rhonda and Elias in the ground?
Hank: Incredible.
Harvey Zilth: Such a thing usually happens in Funny Signs.
Sidney: We have a crossover!
(FIFA Cross Over Brazil)
Beulah: FIFA Cross Over.
Abby: If you can cross over, we can cross over too.
(FIFA Weather Cup Brazil)
LH Michael: FIFA Weather Cup.
LH Michelle: Cloudy with a chance of meatballs! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Elias David: NOT FUNNY!
LH Michelle: Sorry.
(FIFA World Clood Brazil)
Wally: FIFA World Clood.
Rhonda: Making movies is in their blood! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Chris Tarrant: What a disastrous start, that is the wrong answer! *CROTCH KICK!* Oh, martian!
(FIFA Asswipe Cup Brazil)
Sam: FIFA Asswipe Cup? That's where Mike should work! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi sio!
Mike: "Soi soi soi sio?" Serves Sam right for calling me an asswipe! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Sam: Sheesh!
Elias David: Shush the sheesh! Shush the sheesh! Shush the, shush the, shush the sheesh!
(Westinghouse)
Announcer: You can be sure... if it's Westinghouse.
Mary: Can we really be sure if it's Westinghouse?
Anna: Maybe it's really General Electric.
Scotty: Then, it was "you can be sure." Now, it's "innovation you can be sure of."
(NBC Peacock)
Announcer: The following program is brought to you in Living Color on NBC.
Jimmy: Living Color.
Hank: As opposed to Dead Color.
Harvey Zilth: Sometimes the lights are shining on me.
Sidney: Other times I can barely see.
Beulah: Lately it occurs to me...
Abby: ...what a long strange trip it's been.
Elias: The Grateful Dead, 1970.
(The 2014 World Cup bumper acts like a yo-yo)
LH Michael: The trophy goes forward, the trophy goes backward.
LH Michelle: The trophy goes forward and we shake it all about.
Wally: You do the hokey-pokey and you turn yourself about.
Rhonda: That's what it's all about.
Sam: Knock it off! You're making me dizzy!
(FIFA Dizzy Cup Brazil)
Mike: FIFA Dizzy Cup.
Mary: They put you in a spin.
Anna: Around and around and around we go.
Scotty: Where we're going, nobody knows.
(Lucretia McEvil and Vulcanna Ash)
[ViD Theme]
Elias: Oh coccyx! Lucretia McEvil and Vulcanna Ash!
Lucretia: In the flesh, Elias!
Vulcanna: And we're not here to play the lottery.
Jimmy: Pick 3.
Hank: Pick 4.
Harvey Zilth: Mega Millions.
Sidney: Powerball.
Rhonda: You're not taking Elias away from me!
Lucretia: We're not here to take Elias away from you.
Vulcanna: We have a bone to pick with you.
Elias: Pick away!
Lucretia: Someone on YouTube is upset that you won't count his videos as part of your 2014 FWC Bloopers canon.
Elias: His videos are cheap rip-offs, they stink from the head down, and they've gotten nasty reviews.
Vulcanna: His complaints got through to the Chairman.
Lucretia: Put characters from the cartoons into your videos.
Vulcanna: And he doesn't give a shit about copyright violations.
God: What's going on here?
Angela the Angel: Looks like these netherworld nymphomaniacs are needling Elias again.
Guy the White: We'll drive them back to the nebulous realm from whence they came.
Beulah: They never learn, do they?
Abby: Lucretia McEvil, tell me now, what's your game?
Wally: Blood, Sweat & Tears, 1970.
Lucretia: The Chairman demands that you put Looney Tunes characters into your videos. And he doesn't mean just the voices.
Vulcanna: Do as he says or we'll shit all over you!
Guy the White: Disgusting!
Angela the Angel: That vile act only sickens the victims!
God: Tell your infernal Chairman that he can't control anyone unless he shows conclusive proof of guilt!
Elias: You heard it from the Highest Authority! Begone!
Lucretia: You piss us off, Elias David! Let's get him, Vulcanna!
Vulcanna: Right, Lucretia! Bombs away!
*CENSORED!!!*
[PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP]
Lucretia: "Censored!?" What do you mean "censored?"
Vulcanna: Show us shitting all over Elias and his friends or we'll tell the Chairman on you!
Elias: Gugh! You filthy foxes from the fiery furnace! Eeeewww! EEEEEEEEWWWW!!
[Elias David barfing]
God: Take this, you defiant defilers!
[God zaps powers to Lucretia McEvil and Vulcanna Ash]
Lucertia and Vulcanna: We defy you! We defy you! We defy you! We ---
*GIGANTIC EXPLOSION!*
[Lucretia McEvil and Vulcanna Ash fall through the WC bumper camera]
[THUD!]
Lucretia: Curses! Beaten again! I hate these hard landings! Ouch!
Vulcanna: We'll never win Elias and his friends over to our side at this rate! Oh, our aching sphincters!
Lucifer and Vulcanna: OW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!!
Guy the White: We've cleaned you up, Elias.
Angela the Angel: You may resume your video.
Elias: Thanks for sending those sinister sirens back to their sorry swamp.
Rhonda: And good riddance to bad rubbish.
God: You're welcome.
Lucretia and Vulcanna: Oh mutilations!
(The 2014 World Cup trophy goes to the upper-left)
Jimmy: Look out! Runaway trophy!
Hank: Watch where that trophy lands!
Harvey Zilth: Catch it if you can!
Sidney: Then call the Runaway Trophy Hot Line!
(The 2014 World Cup trophy goes to the upper-right)
Beulah: Zoom to the left, zoom to the right.
Abby: Catch a runaway trophy and have a nice flight!
(The 2014 World Cup trophy goes to the lower-left)
LH Michael: Tonight on CNN:
LH Michelle: "Runaway Trophies: America's Greatest Problem."
(The 2014 World Cup trophy goes to the lower-right)
[SMASH!]
Scotty: EE-YOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!!
Beulah: Are you okay, Scotty?
Scotty: That goddamned 2014 World Cup landed right on my foot! EE-YOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!!
Abby: Poor Scotty.
Rhonda: He never learns to stay out of the way, does he?
Elias: When he hops around like that, he looks like Mick Jagger on a bad night.
Wally: Mick Jagger on a bad night?
Sam: The trophy's in pieces.
Elias: While they fix the trophy, let's go out to eat.
Rhonda: Splendid idea, Elias.
Sam: Where should we go?
Elias: Where else?
Elias David: CHEZ MONYOU!!
Sam: Oh salmonella!
Sam: Places everyone!
(Places Everyone!)
Elias: Roll camera!
(Roll Camera!)
Scotty: Cue trophy!
(Cue Trophy!)
Mike: Here we go again.
Mary: The logo was ready before Sam, Elias and Scotty were.
Anna: The trophy's taking us literally again! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
(The Trophy Has Been Taken Literally!)
Jimmy: The Trophy Has Been Taken Literally.
Hank: A literal portrait studio.
(Two 2014 World Cup Trophies)
Harvey Zilth: Two 2014 World Cups.
Sidney: Two silhouettes on the shades.
(Four 2014 World Cup Trophies)
Beulah: Four trophies, like a four-leaf clover.
Abby: I'm looking over a four-trophy clover that I overlooked before.
(Five 2014 World Cup Trophies)
LH Michael: Five 2014 World Cups in a cluster.
LH Michelle: it's a new Army rank: five-trophy general!
(Six 2014 World Cup Trophies)
Wally: Now there's six 2014 World Cups.
Rhonda: That's half a dozen, cousin!
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: You bellowed at me again, Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam?
Sam: Yes, I bellowed at you again, Scotty! How many trophies do we need?
Scotty: As many as we want! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! *CROTCH KICK!* Ouch! Stop kicking me in the crotch, you shithead! Owww!
Sam: There's only supposed to be one 2014 World Cup trophy, you hear me? One!
(One Trophy)
Elias: [Singing] One trophy, I have but one trophy...
Sam: KNOCK IT OFF, ELIAS!
Elias: Well, pardon me for producin' this freakin' video, Sam!
Sam: And as for you, Scotty, do you know what this means?
Scotty: Frankly, Sam, I don't give a damn!
Sam: YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU'RE FIRED!!
Scotty: Fired? FIRED!?
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!
SAM, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO FIRE ME WITHOUT ELIAS AND WALLY'S APPROVAL!
RE-HIRE ME OR I'LL KILL MYSELF
YOU ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE!!
*BOOM!*
Wally: Sam, how dare you fire Scotty without our permission!
Elias: Scotty, you're re-hired.
Scotty: Thanks, Elias.
Sam: How dare you re-hire Scotty behind my back!
Elias: Sam, I'm the boss here, and never fire anyone again without our permission!
Sam: Just say it, don't spray it!
(Just Say It--- Don't Spray It!)
Mike: Now playing at a theater near you:
Mary: "Just Say It, Don't Spray It."
Anna: Starring Microsoft Sam as a director who spits in everyone's face.
Sam: Sheesh!
Elias David: SHUSH THE SHEESH!
(2014 FIFA World Car Brazil)
Jimmy: FIFA has a world car?
Hank: That's where they clean up old film.
Harvey Zilth: A sink lined with photographs.
Sidney: Wash the dirty pictures down the drain! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Sam: Not "World Car," "World Cup."
(2014 Brazil)
Beulah: 2014 Brazil.
Abby: Where we had our pictures taken.
(Bra Bra)
LH Michael: Bra Bra on the wall.
LH Michelle: Elias takes the best pictures of them all.
Elias: Hey, at least I try.
(Zil Zil)
Wally: "Zil Zil," short for "Incorporated Incorporated."
Rhonda: It has sort of a musical cadence.
Elias: [To the tune of "Colonel Bogey March"] Zil Zil, Zil Zil Zil Zil Zil Zil...
Sam: ELIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAS!!
Elias: Sam, what is your problem? We all love these bloopers.
Sam: But what's wrong with getting the bumper right?
Scotty: There's nothing wrong, Sam, but you shouldn't order me around like I was your personal today.
Sam: He's right, Sam.
No sense in being a control freak.
Remain
calm.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAPPITY CRAP CRAP CRAP!
CAN'T YOU SEE THAT I'M THE DIRECTOR AND I SHOULD HAVE AUTHORITY?
I WANT RESPECT, YOU HEAR ME?
YOU ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES!!
*BOOM!*
Chris Tarrant: I'm afraid that is the wrong answer.
Sam: Actually, I'm right! Tell me I've got the right answer now, or else!
Chris Tarrant: No! *CROTCH KICK!* Oh, martian!
Elias: Whatever, Chris. It looks like Sam needs psychatric help, Anna.
Anna: Just leave it to me, Elias.
The text: Later, after Anna zapped Sam with her laser-eye powers to calm him down...
Sam: Thanks, Anna.
Anna: You're welcome, Sam.
Mike: Sam always gets so frustrated by these bloopers, he takes it out on Scotty.
Mary: Whatever makes Sam do such things?
Anna: He sometimes gets a condition in his brain and I always have to zap him to get him back to normal.
Elias: It's a condition known as a "tic controllosa."
(Tic Controllosa)
Sam: "Tic controllosa?"
Anna: Yes, Sam. It's what's been making you act like a control freak.
Scotty: Dr. Joyce Brothers has got nothing on you, Anna.
Anna: Thanks for the compliment, Scotty.
(You're Despicable!)
Daffy Duck: You're desssssssssssssssssssssspicable!
Wally: Who said I was despicable?
Scotty: Not me.
Jimmy: Not me.
Hank: Not me.
Harvey Zilth: Not me.
Sidney: Not me.
Wally: Somebody said I was despicable.
Sam: Don't look at me, Wally.
Elias: Microsoft Sam?
Sam: What now, Elias?
Elias: YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU'RE FIRED!!
Sam: What? Fired!? No no no no no no no no no no no no nooooooooooooooooo!!
Elias: Just kidding, Sam.
Sam: Whew! You scared the besheesh out of me, Elias!
Elias David: BESHUSH THE BESHEESH!
(Evil Sam)
[Closet Killer music]
Sam: Oh strewth! It's my evil twin again!
Evil Sam: Who did you expect? Homer Simpson?
Homer Simpson: D'oh!
Evil Sam: "Da?"
Sam: He didn't say "Da," he said "D'oh."
Evil Sam: Don't make me kick you in the crow's nest!
Beulah: "Kick you in the crow's nest?"
Abby: We sail the ocean blue, and our saucy ship's a beauty.
Elias: Not "crow's nest," "crotch."
Evil Sam: Don't be an asswipe, Elias! I ought to whack you with a fency paast!
LH Michael: Evil Sam is threatening to whack Elias with fancy pasta?
LH Michelle: He probably has food fights in Italian restaurants! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Elias David: NOT FUNNY!
LH Michelle: Sorry.
Elias: Evil Sam, get out of my video!
Evil Sam: Don't be a hate criminal, you asswipe!
Sam: Don't you talk about my friend like that!
Anna: You tell him, Sam!
Evil Sam: Stay out of this, you harlot!
Anna: I am not a harlot!
Evil Sam: You are too a harlot! Harlot harlot harlot harlot harlot!
Anna: Calm down, Anna.
Take a deep breath.
Relax.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum
is
coming
on!
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!
EVIL SAM, TAKE ELIAS' ADVICE AND GET OUT OF HERE
YOU BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD!!
*B-B-B-BOOM!*
Sam: Zounds! Are you okay, Anna?
Anna: I'm all right, Sam. I just don't like being called a harlot.
Evil Sam: I call Anna a harlot and she explodes over it! Sheesh!
Elias David: SHUSH THE SHEESH! SHUSH THE SHEESH! SHUSH THE SHUSH THE SHUSH THE SHEESH!
(Vulcanna Ash)
[ViD Theme]
Elias: Vulcanna Ash, get out of my video!
Vulcanna: Why, Elias? All I want is to have a little fun with you.
Rhonda: You leave Elias alone! He's mine!
Elias: You heard her, Vulcanna! Begone!
Vulcanna: You piss me off, Elias David! I oughta shit all over you for brushing me aside!
God: Don't you dare soil Elias and his friends!
Angela the Angel: Are these goons from the graveyard giving you grief again?
Guy the White: We'll get rid of them for you.
Evil Sam: Don't let those meddlers get the best of us, Vulcanna!
Vulcanna: Not to worry, Evil Sam! I'll give Rhonda such a kick in the crotch, she'll wish she were a man! *CROTCH KICK!* OW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!!
Rhonda: Tricked ya, Vulcanna! You didn't know I had lead pants on!
Vulcanna: Dammit, Rhonda! I wish they'd declare wearing lead pants illegal! OW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!!
Evil Sam: Scandalous! By rights, we should shit all over you for this!
Vulcanna: Indeed, Evil Sam, but the Chairman ordered us to stop such actions because the Almighty forbade it to brand the victims as ours!
God: And never will I allow such a thing to happen without conclusive proof of guilt!
Evil Sam: That really pisses us off! Vulcanna, do something!
Vulcanna: Let's see ya try to shake this off, kiddo!
[Vulcanna zaps powers to Elias David]
*BOOM!*
Vulcanna: That'll teach you to mess around with me, Elias! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
God: You foul felons of the field of the fallen! Take that!
[God zaps powers to Evil Sam and Vulcanna]
*B-B-B-BOOM!*
[Evil Sam and Vulcanna fall through the WC bumper camera]
[THUD!]
Evil Sam: Curses! Foiled again! That hard landing hurts! Ouch!
Vulcanna: Say no more, Evil Sam! Oh, my broken coccyx! OW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!!
Rhonda: Elias, are you okay? Still out cold. I can fix that.
The text: Later, after Rhonda used her powers to help Elias recover...
Elias: Who... What... Where am I?
Rhonda: You'll be okay, Elias. Those denizens of the dungeon of doom have been dispatched.
Guy the White: We sent those hellions back to their horrible hole in the ground.
Angela the Angel: You may resume your video.
Elias and Rhonda: Thank God!
God: You're welcome.
Vulcanna: Oh pleurisy!
(Out of Order)
Scotty: Uh-oh! Methinks we goofed again!
Chris Tarrant: You are wrong! I'm so sorry! *CROTCH KICK!* Oh, martian!
Sam: Chris is right, Scotty.
Elias: I'm still feeling a little light-headed from the zapping Vulcanna gave me.
Rhonda: That's all right, Elias. I'll take you to my hideaway and help you get better.
Anna: And I'll tend to Sam, just in case he gets a relapse.
Sam: Have a good time.
Rhonda: We always do.
Elias: Hold down the fort until we get back.
Wally: Good. Incidentally, don't go out through the--- [SMASH!] ---ceiling.
Rhonda: Sorry!
The bumper camera: OWWW! Sorry.
The text: Having spent a week in their hideaway, Elias and Rhonda left for home. The rest of the staff carried on with the bloopers.
Sam: Places everyone! Roll camera! Shuck the jive!
(Shuck the Jive!)
Sam: What's this?
Scotty: You said "shuck the jive," Sam.
Sam: Say, that's right.
Mike: Shuck the jive.
Mary: Jive talking.
Anna: It's just your jive talking that gets in the way.
Scotty: The Bee Gees, 1975.
(Jive Turkey)
Jimmy: Jive turkey?
Hank: A fast-talking gobbler.
Harvey Zilth: Gobblers never enjoy cobblers.
Sidney: I'll bet one of those turkeys could if he tried.
(Kodak)
Sam: My sentiments exactly.
(Colgate World Cup Argentina)
Beulah: Colgate?
Abby: I'm game!
Sam: Scotty, come here.
Scotty: Judas Priest! Another lecture?
Sam: What's all this bullshit you put up, Scotty?
Scotty: What do you mean, Sam?
Sam: You had "Colgate," "World Cup" and "Argentina" up there when this is supposed to be a World Cup.
Scotty: In the words of Steve Martin, well excuuuuuuuuuuuuse meee!
(Between the Lions)
LH Michael: Between the Lions.
LH Michelle: "The Worst of Microsoft Sam!" Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Elias David: NOT FUNNY!
LH Michelle: Sorry.
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!! YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU'RE FIRED!!
Scotty: Fired? FIRED!?
Sam: Yes, fired!
Scotty: You can't do this to me, Sam! Elias and Wally will punish you for this!
Sam: Go fuck yourself, Scotty! Out you go! Out out out out out out out!
[THUD!]
(It's a Wrongful Termination!)
Sam: Screw this "wrongful termination" bullshit! Scotty's firing is justified!
Wally: Justified my ass! You bring Scotty back here!
Sam: For your information, Wally, I challenged the rule of authority in this studio in court, and won!
Wally: You asswipe!
Sam: I mean it! This studio is now Microsoft Sam Enterprises Inc. I have authority to fire people as I see fit, and if anyone overrides me, it's mutiny!
(Microsoft Sam Enterprises Inc.)
Wally: Tantrum
is
coming
on!
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP!
MICROSOFT SAM, HOW DARE YOU MANIPULATE THE SYSTEM TO SEIZE POWER HERE!
I'M APPEALING THE COURT RULING TO GET IT OVERTURNED
YOU ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE!!
*BOOM!*
Abby: Are you okay, Wally?
Wally: I'm okay, Abby. Sam's control-freak tendencies just piss me off.
Anna: I'm surprised at you, Sam! You just wait till Elias gets back!
(Elmo's World)
Rhonda in flight: We should be home soon, Elias.
Elias in flight: Thanks for helping me get over that malaise Vulcanna Ash gave me.
Rhonda in flight: She has a lot of venom, but at least I have the antidote. We'll fly in through the bedroom window.
(FIFA World Cup BraAfrica)
Sam: "BraAfrica?"
Jimmy: We just pulled whatever captions we could find from the caption box.
Abby: We'll try again.
(FIFA World Cup SouthSil)
Mike: "SouthSil?"
Mary: Sounds like tunes for me. "SouthSil!" Hee hee hee!
Elias: That is SO lame!
RoboSoft 3: That is so NOT lame, Elias!
Elias: Did I say "lame?" I'm sorry, I meant to say "worn out."
RoboSoft 3: Good man, Elias.
(FIFA FIFA FIFA FIFA)
Mike: FIFA FIFA FIFA FIFA.
Mary: Mikey Mikey Mikey Mikey.
Elias: "Mikey Mikey Mikey Mikey?"
Rhonda: Mikey likes it! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Sam: How are you feeling, Elias?
Elias: Much, much better, Sam.
Rhonda: It took a lot from me to reverse the effects of Vulcanna's venom, but it was worth it.
Elias: Say, where's Scotty?
Sam: I fired him.
Elias: What? You FIRED him!? AGAIN?!?
Wally: Bring him back!
Sam: No way. I challenged the rule of authority here and won, giving me the right to fire people as I see fit.
Beulah: You asswipe, Sam! I'm bringing Scotty back!
Sam: You do that, Beulah, and I'll charge you with mutiny, which I can now legally do!
Beulah: I can't see myself staying here without Scotty! I'm leaving! Good-bye!
Elias: Tantrum
is
coming
on!
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!
HOW DARE YOU MANIPLUATE THE LAW AGAINST ME, SAM!
I HOPE THE COURTS GET YOUR INJUNCTION OVERTURNED
YOU BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD!!
*BOOM!*
Rhonda: Are you okay, Elias?
Elias: I'm just pissed off by Sam's usurping this studio and manipulating the law for his own selfish purposes.
Sam: I never said I was selfish, Elias. I just wanted authority to make personnel moves as I see fit.
Wally: Jealous!
Sam: It's not jealousy, Wally. When Elias first started these 2014 FWC Blooper videos, he put me in charge. He didn't come in until 2014 FWCB 33, "Commercial Cannibalization."
Elias: I remember that. You chased after Scotty with a gun, he pretended to be dead, and you were almost fried in the electric chair.
Sam: It's been so long since I held authority here.
Anna: I think Sam's beginning to regret his legal action.
Rhonda: I agree.
Elias: Let's see if we can get the injunction overturned and find Scotty and Beulah.
The text: As the gang found Scotty and Beulah and talked them out of suicide, Sam agreed to relinquish control of the studio to Elias and Wally. Scotty and Beulah were re-hired, and the bloopers continued.
(World Cup World Cup World Cup World Cup)
LH Michael: World Cup World Cup World Cup World Cup.
LH Michelle: Songs, ditties, jingles and fanfares.
Elias: Top Ten time on Radio CHAOS. What's your request?
Sam: Bring in the trophy.
Elias: For Microsoft Sam, let's bring in the trophy!
(The Trophy)
Sam: Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
Wally: What's so funny, Sam?
Sam: "The Trophy!" Hahahahahahahahahahah!
Rhonda: Sam actually likes the bloopers now.
Anna: I had to zap him to erase another "tic controllosa" from his brain.
Sam: And it's a good feeling.
Chris Tarrant: Oh, I don't believe it! You started off by giving me the wrong answer! *CROTCH KICK!* Oh, martian!
(Jurassic Park)
Mike: Jurassic Park.
Mary: Starring Ian Malcolm and Ellie Sattler.
Anna: Trophies need cleaning sometimes!
Sam: Give me the trophy. And this time, I don't want the words "THE CAPTIONS WITH THE TROPHY" on the logo, but the captions World Cup.
Scotty: Coming right up, Your Samuelship, sir!
(Not the words "THE CAPTIONS WITH THE TROPHY" but the captions "World Cup!")
Scotty: The captions are taking Sam literally again! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! *CROTCH KICK!* Ouch! You shithead! Owww!
*CROTCH KICK!*
Sam: SOI!!
Elias: And don't let me catch you mistreating Scotty again! EVER!!
Sam: Sheesh!
Elias David: SHUSH THE SHEESH!
(JJJS)
(John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt)
Jimmy: John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt?
Hank: His name is my name too.
Harvey Zilth: Whenever we go out...
Sidney: The people always shout:
The bumper camera: There goes John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt! (Ta ra ra ra ra ra ra)
(Lucifer and Lucretia McEvil)
[ViD Theme]
Beulah: Oh strewth! It's those infernal demons, Lucifer and Lucretia McEvil!
Abby: Grab hold of the nearest cross!
Lucifer: Hands off of those roods!
Lucretia: You know they cause us great pain!
Elias: As well they should, you netherworld no-goodniks!
Sam: Why don't you take Christopher Rahaman's advice and go fuck yourselves?
Lucifer: He can say "go fuck yourself" as often as he wants to.
Lucretia: But we don't care, because we're not going away.
God: Here we go again.
Angela the Angel: Those dastardly demons from the dark world are disturbing Elias and his friends again.
Guy the White: We'll drive them back to their domicile of darkness.
Lucifer: What's it going to take to convince you that Elias David and his friends belong to us?
God: Only conclusive evidence of the exact offense is required before you prime evils take possession of any soul!
Lucretia: Force us to reveal proof against Elias and his friends while they live, and we'll shit all over them!
Guy the White: Say what you will, but that gross act is still disgusting!
Angela the Angel: Such a vile stunt only sickens the victims!
God: Soil them and feel My Wrath! And now matter how much it angers you, if you feel My Wrath, it is never scandalous!
Lucifer: Stop pissing us off! Let's get them, Lucretia!
Lucretia: Bombs away!
*CENSORED!*
[FWOOSH!] [FWOOSH!]
Sam: Hah! You didn't soil us!
Elias: You only broke wind!
Lucifer: You tricked us! My backside is burning! Ouch!
Lucretia: How dare you sabotage our plans! Owww!
God: Take this, you greedy would-be soul-grabbers!
[God zaps powers to Lucifer and Lucretia McEvil]
*GIGANTIC EXPLOSION!!*
[Lucifer and Lucretia McEvil fall through the WC bumper camera]
[THUD!]
Lucifer: Curses! Foiled again! And our asses hurt like our realm! Ouch!
Lucretia: You don't know what it's like to be barbecued! Oh, our burning rectums!
Lucifer and Lucretia: OW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!!
Guy the White: We always have to put out the fire.
Angela the Angel: You may resume your video.
Elias: Thanks for sending those flaming felons back to their fiery pit.
God: You're welcome.
Lucifer and Lucretia: Oh friction burns!
(The World Cup bumper stopped)
(Brasil drop)
(FIFA World Cup drop)
(2014 Trophy drop)
(Bumper camera falling apart)
LH Michael: Look, Michelle. The camera fell apart again.
LH Michelle: Better get the Krazy Glue.
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!
Elias: SHUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!!
Wally: That's telling them, Elias!
Elias: What did we tell you about mistreating Scotty, Sam?
Sam: Sorry, Elias. Just a temporary relapse.
Anna: Let's hope it is only temporary.
Elias: We can discuss things when we're out to dinner.
Rhonda: Splendid idea, Elias!
Scotty: Where should we go this time?
Elias: I thought you'd never ask.
Elias David: Doctor Tongue's: 3-D House of Pancakes!
Sam: Oh Count Floyd!
Sam: Tote that barge! Lift that bale!
Scotty: You get a little drunk...
Elias: ...and you land in jaaa-hail!
Sam: Lights, camera, action!
(FIFA Warp Cerp)
Mike: FIFA Warp Cerp?
Mary: As opposed to FIFA Penpaw Amateurs?
(FIFA Penpaw Amateurs)
Anna: FIFA Penpaw Amateurs? I used to be one of them.
Jimmy: So was I.
Hank: So was I.
Harvey Zilth: So was I.
Sidney: So was I.
Sam: Not "Warp Cerp," "World Cup."
(FIFA World Cap)
Beulah: FIFA World Cap.
Abby: Lift and separate.
(FIFA World Cip)
LH Michael: FIFA World Cip?
LH Michelle: I didn't know the trophy was Jewish!
(FIFA World Ciep)
Wally: FIFA World Ciep? What is this, a cheese shop?
Rhonda: Personally, I'd prefer Swiss.
Elias: I'd settle for good old Wisconsin cheddar.
(Cheddar Cheese)
Sam: Uh, Scotty?
Scotty: Yeah, Sam?
Sam: This isn't a cheese factory; this is World Cup.
Scotty: Oh, so it's all about me, huh? That's no Gouda! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! *CROTCH KICK!* Ouch! Stop kicking me in the crotch, you shithead! Owww!
Elias: What did I tell you about kicking people in the crotch, Sam?
Sam: He stole my laugh line, Elias!
Elias: It's in the public domain, Sam!
Sam: It's my property, Elias!
Elias: Public domain!
Sam: My property!
Elias: Public domain!
Sam: My property!
RoboSoft 3: The laugh line "Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl" is IN THE PUBLIC DOMAIN and don't you ever deny it again, Sam!
Elias: Do I make myself clear, me bucko?
Sam: Yessir. Asswipe! *CROTCH KICK!* SOI!!
(Pirates of the Caribbean)
Mike: Pirates of the Caribbean.
Mary: A Captain Jack Sparrow production.
Anna: "Mutiny in the Studio!" Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Elias David: NOT FUNNY!
Anna: Sorry.
(?)
Jimmy: Question Mark.
Hank: What if Mark has no answer?
Harvey Zilth: Then question somebody else.
Sidney: If there's anyone there to question.
(!)
Beulah: Exclamation Point.
Abby: The trophy's emphatic! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
(&)
LH Michael: Ampersand.
LH Michelle: "Great Moments in Addition."
(&?)
Wally: The Ampersand Question.
Rhonda: In a layperson's terms, it means "and what?"
Elias: If we found the answer to the Ampersand Question, the world would be a better place in which to live.
Sam: Scotty, it's time you and I had a little talk.
Scotty: Lecturing me again, Sam?
Sam: What's with all this bullshit on the trophy, Scotty?
Scotty: Do I have to stand here while you make me feel like a second-grade kid in school again, Sam?
Sam: The trophy should display "World Cup." Not "Warp Cerp," "Penpaw Amateurs," "Cheddar Cheese," "Pirates of the Caribbean" or any of those punctuation marks, but "World Cup."
Scotty: I know: World as in Wisenheimer, Cup as in Cuphead, right?
Sam: Right.
(FIFA Wisenheimer Cuphead Brazil)
Sam: That's the last straw, Scotty! I'm going to---
Elias: Now you listen to me, Microsoft Sam! If you fire Scotty just once more, you are GONE!
Sam: Just say it, don't spray it!
(FIFA World World Brazil)
Mike: FIFA World World.
Mary: Everything but the kitchen sink.
Anna: I'll bet they'll include the kitchen sink too! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Sam: Cup.
Scotty: What?
Sam: Cup, Scotty. Cup.
Scotty: Oh brother!
(FIFA Cup Cup Brazil)
Jimmy: FIFA Cup Cup.
Hank: There's mutiny in the monastery.
Harvey Zilth: What did the egg in the monastery say?
Sidney: "The story of my life: out of the frying pan and into the friar!" Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Sam: It's not "Cup Cup," it's "World Cup," you asswipe!
(It's World Cup not Cup Cup you asswipe!
Sam: Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAPPITY CRAPPITY CRAPPITY CRAP!
I'M SO SICK AND FUCKING TIRED OF SCOTTY'S INSUBORDINATIONS AND EVERYONE'S CODDLING HIM!
I DEMAND THE RIGHT TO FIRE HIM AND BAN HIM FROM HERE PERMANENTLY, YOU HEAR ME?
ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES!!
*BOOM!*
Elias: Sam, Sam, Sam, have you caught another "tic controllosa?"
Anna: Looks like he needs professional help.
Elias: Indeed.
The text: Sam was rushed to the psychiatric hospital, where a successful lobotomy was performed. A week later, Sam was proclaimed fit to return to the studio, and the bloopers continued.
(FIFA Trophies Trophies)
Beulah: FIFA Trophies Trophies.
Abby: Trophies are doing it for themselves! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Chris Tarrant: Were you thinking straight? You're just giving me completely the wrong answer! *CROTCH KICK!* Oh, martian!
(FIFA World Trophies Brazil)
LH Michael: FIFA World Trophies.
LH Michelle: Nuns on the run! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Sam: Sheesh!
Elias David: SHUSH THE SHEESH!
(FIFA World Cats Brazil)
Wally: FIFA World Cats.
Rhonda: "Take Me Out to the Ball Game."
Elias: You always hit a home run with me, Rhonda.
Rhonda: And you always give me a perfect pitch, Elias.
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!
Elias: QUIT YOUR YELLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!
Wally: I thought Sam was cured of his "tic controllosa" cases.
Anna: Apparently, he's having a relapse.
Elias: How could it be, especially since Sam's lobotomy got rid of the source of those tics?
(Lucretia McEvil and Vulcanna Ash)
[ViD Theme]
Elias: Oh meltdowns! Lucretia McEvil and Vulcanna Ash!
Lucretia: That's our names, Elias.
Vulcanna: Don't wear them out! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Elias: What are you bad girls doing here?
Sam: Why don't you go fuck yourselves?
Lucretia: That epithet is only flattery to us.
Vulcanna: Our pursuits could scarcely be relegated to fucking ourselves.
Wally: You underworld concubines beat it!
Sam: I just had a lobotomy to remove all traces of "tic controllosa."
Lucretia: "Tic controllosa?" That's the answer to the million-dollar question.
Vulcanna: We've been secretly injecting "tic controllosa" serum into Sam's brains to he'd treat Scotty like a beanbag.
Lucretia: Now we've come for the rest of you.
Vulcanna: Don't try to escape or we'll shit all over you!
Guy the White: Disgusting!
Angela the Angel: That vile act only sickens the victims!
God: If you soil them, you'll feel My Wrath! And My Will forbids such a gross act from branding anyone as yours without first showing conclusive proof of guilt!
Lucretia: Stop pissing us off! Let's get them, Vulcanna!
Vulcanna: Bombs away!
*CENSORED!!!*
[PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP]
Rhonda: Gugh! This studio is not the city dump! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww!
[Rhonda barfing]
Elias: This is not a litter box! Eeeewww! EEEEEEEEWWWW!!
[Elias David barfing]
Lucretia: That'll teach them not to screw with us, Vulcanna!
Vulcanna: Now let's go spread the "tic controllosa" serum!
Lucretia and Vulcanna: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
God: Take this, you felonious foxes!
[God zaps powers to Lucretia McEvil and Vulcanna Ash]
*B-B-B-BOOM!*
[Lucretia McEvil and Vulcanna Ash fall through the WC bumper camera]
[THUD!]
Lucretia: Curses! Beaten again! And we lost our bottle of "tic controllosa" serum!
Vulcanna: And I never got a chance to make out with Elias! Oh, our aching sphincters!
Lucretia and Vulcanna: OW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!!
Guy the White: Rhonda and Elias are all cleaned up now.
Angela the Angel: You may resume your video.
Elias: And thanks for sending those nefarious nymphomaniacs back to their nebulous lair.
God: You're welcome.
Lucretia and Vulcanna: Oh syphilis!
(2014 FIFA World Cup Qualifier)
Sam: We almost got it, Scotty, but the logo should be a trophy, not a qualifier.
Scotty: Well, I'll "B!" B-trayed, B-littled, B-dumb, B-devilled.
Rhonda: I think we've already been B-devilled in this video.
Elias: B-lieve it!
Scotty: Let's give it one more try.
(2014 FIFA World Cup Bumper Reverse)
Scotty: Uh-oh! Methinks we goofed again!
Sam: Youthinks right, Scotty.
Elias: Right now, let's all go out to eat.
Rhonda: Splendid idea, Elias!
Sam: Where should we go, Elias?
Elias: Where else?
Elias David: CHEZ MONYOU!
Scotty: Oh listeria!