Archimplode Tinky Winky

BEHOLD! I, THE ARCHBISHOP OF EQUINOX, HOLD THE POWERS OF AN ANGEL! OR A DEMON. DEPENDS ON HOW THEE SEETH OUR SAVIOUR, THE SUPREME UBER BRINGER OF ALL! HE IS THE ONE WHO WILL JUDGE THEE! HE SHALL BE THE ONE WHO WILL DECIDE THY FATE! AND, OF COURSE, HE LIVES IN CHONGQING!!!!!! NO. HE DOESN'T. I HAVE NO CLUE HOW THIS GOT HERE. PROBABLY DUE TO PAUL.
OH, AND IF THOU ART QUESTIONING WHY I AM NOT NEGATIVE-COLORED, WELL THATS BECAUSE ITS AN EYESORE AND I PREFER THE SUITS OF SYNODIC ARMOUR THE ALMIGHTY SUPREME UBER BRINGER OF ALL GIVES ME!!!!! THE NEGATIVE-COLOR FUR THINGS ARE PAINFUL TO LOOK AT. THE DARK OF SYNODIC ARMOUR IS BETTER. 100%, TRUST ME BRO!!!!!!!
WELL, WHY DON'T THEE HEAR MY LIFE STORY? I'LL GIVE THEE PICKLES FOR SNACKS. DESIGNED BY THE OTHER CREATOR, LUTHERI THE ECIP GIRAFFE! AH, THAT'S A GOOD SERVANT OF THESE HOLY GROUNDS.
==MY LIFE STORY LADSSSSSSSS==
=== EARLY BLOODEH LIFE!!!!!! ===
AS A WEE LAD, I WAS LOST. WITHOUT THE GUIDANCE OF THE SUPREME UBER BRINGER OF GUIDANCE, I WAS LOST. CREATED BY THE IDIOT GIRAFFE OF OLD, I WAS THE FIRST AND ONLY THING TO BE NAMED AFTER SOMETHING THATS NOT LATIN! WELL, HE TRIED AT LEAST. BUT HE OVERDOSED ON PICKLES AND LEFT THE MORTAL REALM FOR 12 SECONDS. IT TOOK $400,000 FOR ME TO MAKE HIM RETURN. BY THE TIME HE DID, HE FORGOT I NEEDED A NAME. IDIOT. WHAT THE FUCK PAUL. ANYWAYS, FOR ABOUT TWELVE DAYS, I WAS FORCE-FED ANEXTOR-DIXIT-PETAT-HOO PICKLES ONLY. WHAT THE FUCK PAUL. ACTUALLY, I SHOULD BE SCREAMING TO TIGA INSTEAD. WHY DIDN'T TIGA AND THE REST OF THE ULTRAMEN IN M87 WHATEVER GIVE ME THE GIFT TO EAT THESE PICKLES?!?!?!?!??! I LOVE ULTRAMAN GINGA. ULTRAMAN GINGA, ALONG WITH X IS GREAT. THESE TWO SHOWS ARE MY CHILDHOOD. I WAS FORCE-FED THEIR EPISODES. I LOVE THE FACT THE (SPOILERS) THE WOMAN WAS EVIL. OH, AND THE FACT TARO GAVE FOOTJOBS TO LIKE, 70 SPIRIT TANTOS WHICH LED HIM TO BECOME LARGE. AND THE FACT THE GOLD MORON WAS WEARING TRAFFIC CONES, TRULY A PAUL MOMENT.
AHEM.
I'M STILL CONFUSED WHY LUTHERI ONLY HAD EPISODES OF ULTRAMAN X, GINGA, AND GINGA S IN HIS DRAWERS. THOSE SHOWS WASN'T EVEN MADE YET. WHY DIDN'T HE JUST GO INTO THE FUTURE AND TAKE EVERY EPISODE OF ULTRAMAN GENESIS OR BLAZAR. FUCK. FUCK PAUL.
AHEM.
ANYWAYS, I WAS A TELETUBBY CLONE AT THAT TIME. I LOOKED LIKE AN IDIOT, BECAUSE I WAS CLONED FROM THE IDIOT TINKY BLOODEH WINKY. BUT MY INTELLECT IS VERY... ADVANCED COMPARED TO THOSE MORONS. YES, THATS THE WORD! SORRY. I WAS TAUGHT LATIN AND MANDARIN AS A CHILD. WELL, NOT A CHILD, BUT MORE LIKE "YOUNG LARGE TELETUBBY THING". AT THE CLONE AGE OF 4 MONTHS, TECHNICAL AGE OF [40 shillings] YEARS, MENTAL AGE OF 39, I WAS SENT TO A WA MACHINE OF SORTS. INSTEAD OF MAKING ME INTO SOMETHING LIKE ASPLODE ASPLODE ASPLODE TINKY WINKY OR WHATEVER, I BECAME THE SYNODIC ARCHBISHOP OF THE SUPREME UBER BRINGER OF ALL! I AM BEYOND THEIR LOW INTELLECTS, I AM A GOD!!!!!!!!!!!! AMONGST THEM IDIOTS, OF COURSE. THE ALMIGHTY UBER BRINGER OF SMARTS IS STILL BETTER THAN I. ME HUMBLE.
===PRE-CONTACT WITH THE ALMIGHTY SUPREME UBER BRINGER OF SYNODIC ENGERIES===
BEFORE I MET THE ALMIGHTY, THE ONE WHO OBSERVES, I WENT TO WORK FOR CULT OF THE SUPREME UBER LORD'S EYE WHERE I MET JERRY DINGLEHAM!!!!! HE INTRODUCED ME TO THE SUPREME UBER BRINGER'S EYE!!!! I ADMIT, I THOUGHT THAT WAS ALL... BUT THEN DISASTER STRUCK!!!!!!!! THEY TURNED INTO THE HIVEMIND, WHERE EVERYTHING IS ABOUT THE EYE! NO, THAT ISN'T RIGHT!!!!!!!! THE EYE BELONGED TO A GREAT GOD, ONE WORTHY OF MY WORSHIP... AND THUS I DISBANDED MY SECTOR OF THE HIVEMIND, AND LAUNCHED THE EQUINOX!!!!! MY FIRST MEMBER, PAUL, WAS A FALSE BELIEVER, YES... I TRIED TO KICK HIM OUT BUT HE KICKED MY ASS USING ROUNDHOUSE KICKS AS IF HE WAS CHUCK NORRIS OR SOMETHING BUT HE WAS HOMELESS AND I FELT BAD FOR HIM, SO I LET HIM IN. OH, ALSO, IF YOU ARE WONDERING WHY I STOPPED TALKING IN OLD ENGLISH, ITS BECAUSE I HURT WHEN I SAY TH SO YEAH. HE BECAME A FELLOW ARCHBISHOP OF THE EQUINOX, AS WE GATHER MORE MEMBERS FOR THE SUPREME UBER BRINGER OF EPIC.
===EQUINOX TIME===
AH...
THE DAYS OF MY YOUTH...
LIKE THE SCENT OF BLOOD SACRIFICES, YOU SEE! WE BREED SHEEP, AND SPREAD THEIR BLOOD FOR THE ALMIGHTY, FOR THEY CARRY OUR BAD BLOOD AND SINS. ALTHOUGH, I'M PRETTY SURE PAUL WAS DOING IT BECAUSE HE JUST HATES SHEEP. WHAT THE FUCK PAUL. ANDDDDDDDDD
TAHTS REALLY IT.
THATS MY LIFE.
AN EXISTENCE DEFINED BY SHEPARDING SHEEP TO DEATH.
THE SUPREME UBER BRINGER OF ALL IS PROBABLY STILL IN SPACE OF WAHTEVER, FIGHTING ATLAS AND OMEGA GOD 4.
HMMMMM? POWERS YOU SAY?
==POWERS YOU SAYYYYYYYYYYYY?==
NO, SCREW THAT. I LOVE TRIVIA. SEND ME TO JEOPARDY AT 7 WHEN ITS SUPPOSED TO BE AT 7:30.
==SUBPAR TRIVIA MOMENT==
*I'M WANTED FOR LIFE BECAUSE OF THE ENOMENS UNUNIVERSAL SECURITY HORIZON BECAUSE OF THIS THING.
*AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
*THIS THING MADE PAUL GO IN DEBT. WHAT THE FUCK PAUL.
*SOMETHING SOMETHING JOHN LENNON
==ALRIGHT - NOW WE TALK POWERS==
*I CAN SUMMON THE STRONGHOLD OF EQUINOX, BUILT BY SERVANTS, COMMANDED BY ARCHONS!
*I'M ASSUMING I CAN DO THE SAME AS OTHER WA-TINKY WINKIES. OH, DONT FORGET MY INTELLECT! I SURPASS THE IDIOT CYBORG AND THE IDIOT CYBORG! (IM TALKING ABOUT THE GREEN AND THE BLUE ONE, IDIOT!)
*I CAN LAUNCH SUN BEAMS AND RAIN! IM NOT SURE ABOUT THE RAIN PART. I THINK ITS JUST MY VOICE.
*I CAN DUPELICATE!!!! WANNA SEE???? HERE YE GOOOO!!!! I CAN DUPELICATE!!!! WANNA SEE???? I CAN DUPELICATE!!!! WANNA SEE???? I CAN DUPELICATE!!!! WANNA SEE???? I CAN DUPELICATE!!!! WANNA SEE???? I CAN DUPELICATE!!!! WANNA SEE???? I CAN DUPELICATE!!!! WANNA SEE???? I CAN DUPELICATE!!!! WANNA SEE???? I CAN DUPELICATE!!!! WANNA SEE???? I CAN DUPELICATE!!!! WANNA SEE???? I CAN DUPELICATE!!!! WANNA SEE???? I CAN DUPELICATE!!!! WANNA SEE???? I CAN DUPELICATE!!!! WANNA SEE???? I CAN DUPELICATE!!!! WANNA SEE???? I CAN DUPELICATE!!!! WANNA SEE???? I CAN DUPELICATE!!!! WANNA SEE???? I CAN DUPELICATE!!!! WANNA SEE???? I CAN DUPELICATE!!!! WANNA SEE???? I CAN DUPELICATE!!!! WANNA SEE???? I CAN DUPELICATE!!!! WANNA SEE???? I CAN DUPELICATE!!!! WANNA SEE???? I DONT WANT TO DUPELICATE NO MORE.
*I CAN RESPAWN THE DEAD. OKAY, MAYBE EVERYONE CAN DO THAT. OR CAN THEY? CUE VSAUCE MOMENT FOOLS
*ILL PAINT ALL OVER YOU
*ILL BROADCAST YOU LIKE A YOUTUBE.COM BROADCAST YOURSELF
*THE HELL'S A BOOHBAH???????? I DONT WANT TO KNOW IM GOING TO CRY
*NO DICK, NO BALLS? OBVIOUSLY YOU FEED ON NUCLEAR WASTE SINCE YOU GOT NO BUTTHOLE!
*X... TELETUBBY? SCREW THIS. I HATE MY JOB. I HATE THIS INTERVIEW.
*ELEPHANT!!!!!
*THATS RACIST. THE EQUINOX IS NOT RACIST. RACISM
 IS BAD
*I OWN UNDOLLAR PRINTERS!!!!!!!
*APPARENTLY YOU FART BETTER THAN ME
*AH... DESTROY EXISTENCE! I REMEMBER WHEN THE SUPREME UBER BRINGER OF DEVASTATION DESTROYED EXISTENCE! GOOD TIMES. JESUS 3 TRIED TO KILL ME THO. I HATED THAT.
*I CAN CLONE SHEEP
*I CAN SUMMON MATHS, KEK
*AND OF COURSE, WHATEVER SPECIES DESTROYING THING I JUST DELETED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OOOOHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHHA SHIT I THINK I HURT MY THOAT
GOD AHHHHHH
IMMA TAKE A BLOODEH DIFFLAM LOZENGE
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OH AND I HAVE YOUR IP ADDRESS.
RUN COWARD EHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHHEYAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!
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