Meet Your Match

Meet Your Match is the twenty-ninth episode and the eleventh episode of Season Two in Welcome to Fancyland!. It was written by FireMatch.
==Plot==
Squidward gets a chance to meet Kelpy G, but his ego keeps getting in the way of getting respect from his idol.
==Synopsis==
Squidward is playing his brand new silver clarinet. He plays it perfectly somehow.
“It’s perfect,” he says. “It doesn’t play any wrong notes no matter how hard I try!”
Squidward continues playing, but eventually the clarinet just falls apart.
“D’oh… that was a waste of time.”
He then hears a knock on his front door.
“I wonder who that could possibly be? Is it SpongeBob or SpongeBob?”
Squidward walks over to the door, opens it, and is surprised to see a member of Kelpy G’s crew instead of SpongeBob.
“Wha-?”
“Squidward Q. Tentacles, you have been chosen to go on a personal tour with the one and only Kelpy G. Since we know you’re a really big fan of his (trust me, we know), we’ve chosen you to go on a tour with him. We are excited to meet you tomorrow,” the crew member says as he gives Squidward a VIP card and leaves. Squidward is left in pure awe.
“I- I- I can’t believe this! I get to… MEET KELPY G! I could finally die happy!” he says.
Cut to an imaginary scene of Squidward’s gravestone. SpongeBob sniffles and leaves some flowers on it.
“Okay let's not get too grim. I have to prepare for tomorrow!”
Squidward rushes upstairs and goes to brush his teeth. Then, he takes a shower while singing All Star very off-key. After that, he puts some fancy clothes on, and goes outside to breathe in some fresh air.
“Ah, smell that fresh air!” he says to himself. He then catches a whiff of something stinky. It turns out to be himself.
“Drat, forgot to use the loofah.”
(One loofah later…)
“Ah, much better. Now to repeat everything tomorrow morning.”
Squidward walks into bed, lays out his fancy clothes, and falls asleep. He dreams about meeting Kelpy G, and being his best friend. SpongeBob and Patrick are left behind, sobbing. Squidward laughs, and the dream ends when the alarm clock goes off.
“And that exact dream sequence is gonna happen… for real!” Squidward says with excitement in his face as he throws the covers onto the floor and puts on his fancy clothes.
“Oh, can’t forget…” Squidward goes downstairs to go get his new clarinet. “Where is it?”
Cut to a flashback of Squidward playing the new clarinet in the shower. It drops into the shower, and Squidward mistakes it for the toilet seat falling down again. The new clarinet is left alone in the shower, unscathed.
“Now I remember…”
Squidward slowly walks into the bathroom, and pulls back the golden shower curtains to reveal the silver clarinet. He accidentally slips on his loofah that he forgot to put back up while stepping into the tub and crushes the clarinet with his tentacles.
“Eh, no big deal, it’ll still play fine,” Squidward reassures himself as he picks it back up. “I’ll still be the number one musical genius! Or, number two. Both of which are bad bathroom jokes.”
Cut to Squidward opening his house door and exiting with his clarinet in hand. He breathes a happy sigh and sits down to read a book while he waits. A shot of Squidward’s abandoned shower is shown as he reads the book while trombone music plays.
(30 minutes later…)
A flashy purple tour bus with “Kelpy G” written on the side pulls up in front of Squidward’s house.
“It’s here!” Squidward says as his eyes glow, and rushes up to the door as it opens. However, he doesn’t see Kelpy G anywhere.
“Where’s Kelpy G?” he asks.
“Oh, he’s not quite ready yet,” one of the crew says. “Makeup, getting dressed, etc.”
“Right…” Squidward says, slightly disappointed.
A short time passes, and Squidward starts putting his head on his tentacle and sighs.
“Be patient, Mr. Tentacles. Kelpy G requires all the time he needs to look perfect,” the crew member says.
“I can’t wait any longer, I need to see my idol!” Squidward yells, and goes looking for Kelpy G.
Kelpy G is seen putting on his robe when he hears Squidward screaming nearby. Kelpy G sighs and says, “Oh boy, another frantic fanatic.”
Squidward knocks on the door Kelpy G is in, and the latter reluctantly opens it. Squidward  comes rushing in, shaking Kelpy G’s hand with his sweaty tentacle.
“Uhh… hello there, fellow fan,” Kelpy G says, silently appalled by Squidward’s lack of hygiene. “I kinda need to continue getting ready for the tour, so just let me-”
Before Kelpy can finish his sentence, Squidward pulls him out of the room by his hand, and sits him down in a chair.
“What’s this for?” Kelpy G asks, slightly afraid.
“Get ready for my clarinet solo!” Squidward says delightedly.
Kelpy G gulps as Squidward inhales for his first note. Squidward starts playing Shooting Stars off-key, and a shot of Kelpy G’s eardrums exploding is shown. Kelpy G is then seen rubbing his ear with his finger.
“So, how was it?” Squidward asks, proud of himself.
“I dunno,” Kelpy responds.
“What?! You don’t know? You have to know, you’re Kelpy G! Besides, this clarinet is supposed to not play any wrong notes!”
“I honestly don’t have to know.”
Squidward sighs, disappointed. “I guess I can show you my interpretive dance instead.”
“Your what-”
Squidward starts doing his interpretive dance from Culture Shock. Kelpy G’s brain is seen physically melting from the inside as he cringes from the outside.
“I think I need to use the bathroom,” Kelpy G says as he goes back into his room. Barfing can be heard off screen as Squidward fidgets with his tentacles.
“I'll be ready in a minute!” Kelpy yells while he starts preparing for what's to come.
(Exactly one minute later…)
Kelpy steps out from the room, confident. His confidence is soon struck down by a star struck Squidward.
“Let's go on tour!” Squidward says happily.
“Yeah, let's…” Kelpy manages to say as the tour bus starts moving.
After a little bit, Squidward starts singing.
“Oh, 99 bottles of Dr. Kelp on the wall, 99 bottles of Dr. Kelp. Take one down, smash it down, 98 bottles of Dr. Kelp on the wall!”
“Can we save the singing for when we get to our destination?” Kelpy G says. “I need time for my ears- I mean my feet hurt and they need to heal.”
“Poor guy. I'll stop for now.”
Kelpy heaves a sigh of relief. Cut to Squidward fidgeting with his tentacles again, contemplating something. He then decides to go into Kelpy’s dressing room.
“He won’t notice, right?” Squidward thinks.
Squidward looks around to make sure nobody notices him, and quickly gets up off his seat and goes straight into the room. The room door is heard closing rather loudly, which makes Kelpy G take notice.
“Hey uh, guys, can one of you check in my dressing room?” Kelpy asks.
“Why’s that?” one of the crew members says.
“Don’t ask, just do it,” Kelpy demands.
“Okay okay then.”
The crew member stands up from his seat and goes into Kelpy’s dressing room to see what the commotion is. When he slowly opens the door, his face goes ghost white when he sees that Squidward is completely naked while playing with one of Kelpy’s clarinets. The crew member literally melts onto the floor. Squidward doesn’t notice this and accidentally slips on him, making him fall.
“They really need to put a wet floor sign around these places…” Squidward mumbles to himself.
The crew member slowly turns back into solid form, and approaches Squidward. He crushes him into a paper airplane shape and throws him outside the room. Paper airplane Squidward lands into a trash can next to Kelpy G. When Squidward unfolds himself, Kelpy G backs away from him.
“What just happened?” Squidward says.
“Comeuppance….” Kelpy mutters.
“What was that?”
“Uh, breakdance!” Kelpy then starts breakdancing.
“I didn't know you could breakdance! I'm gonna try too.”
Squidward starts breakdancing (terribly) next to Kelpy. Kelpy tries to keep his composure while they continue dancing.
(30 minutes of painful breakdancing later…)
“First stop… and hopefully last stop… Clarinet Acres,” the tour bus driver says, exhausted. “Note to self: bring ear plugs next time.”
As Squidward, Kelpy, and some of the crew get off, Squidward says, “Huh. Wonder why he’s so exhausted.”
“Yeah, wonder why….” Kelpy says, exhausted himself.
Bubble transition to the group casually walking. Squidward tries to initiate a conversation.
“So, what's it like being so rich?” he asks.
“You should know. You're from Fancyland after all,” Kelpy says.
“Good point.”
“There's the concession stand, want to get anything?”
Squidward stands in front of the counter and orders: “Two kelp shakes for me and my friend, please.”
“I'm not really-”
“Keep the change,” Squidward says to the vendor as he slides an entire gold bar onto the counter.
“You might wanna be careful with that, not everyone around here is filthy rich like us…” Kelpy warns.
“It'll be fine, they probably think it's just butter or something.”
Patrick shows up in Fancyland attire, seemingly lost.
“Hey, has anyone seen a bus that goes to Fancyland?” he asks around. I think I'm lost.” His eyes then line up with Squidward’s gold bar, and he starts drooling.
“Golden… Slab… of… FOOD!”
Squidward notices Patrick and panics by shoving the gold bar into the vendor’s face. The vendor is left with an indent in his face, but pockets the gold bar anyway. Patrick faceplants right in front of Squidward, and whimpers in disappointment.
“Where's my butter?” he asks sadly.
“Patrick? When did you-?”
“You mean you know this guy?” Kelpy G interjects. “Good grief.”
“I didn't need your input, Kelpy Brown,” Squidward says. “C’mon, let’s just go.”
Squidward pulls Kelpy by the tentacle, and the two of them leave the concessions, with the crew following. Cut back to Patrick who is eyeing the bulge in the vendor’s pocket, and he lunges at the vendor. Right before we can see the chaos, it cuts back to Squidward and Kelpy G, who are waiting in a line to enter a concert.
“I didn’t know you liked The Seatles,” Squidward says.
“I didn’t know you liked good music,” Kelpy says.
“Huh?”
“Nothing, nothing.”
The two go silent as the concert singers take stage. They start playing I Wanna Hold Your Tentacle.
“Can I hold YOUR tentacle?” Squidward asks Kelpy. Kelpy flinches and pulls away from him.
“The day you hold my tentacle is the day I die!” Kelpy blurts out. Squidward gasps.
“But… I thought…”
“No, I'm just going to be honest. You're not the best clarinet player out there.”
“But I'm at least competent, right?”
“Not really. Also please take a shower when you get home. You smell like the rear end of a clam.”
A clam from up above poops on Squidward.
“We're indoors, clam!” Squidward yells. He gets shushed by other people around him. Squidward sulks and starts thinking.
“Kelpy G doesn't respect me. How can he not respect a musical genius like me? Besides, that clarinet can't play any wrong notes, right?” he thinks to himself.
Suddenly, Squidward jumps out of his seat and sneaks onstage with his clarinet. When seen, the Seatles instantly get mad at him.
“No, wait! Just gimme one chance!” Squidward pleads.
“Alright, but just one,” one of them says.
Squidward inhales and starts playing badly on the clarinet. Everyone cringes, including Kelpy G.
“What?! But I thought this thing couldn't play any wrong notes!”
“Not if you damage it enough, you bozo,” one of the band members says. “I'll be taking that as payback for interrupting our concert. Now get out!”
The band member takes Squidward’s clarinet, then yeets him out of the concert building using only his leg.
“That was one big yeet,” Squidward says to himself. “I wonder how he got that much strength.”
Kelpy G is seen walking out and approaches Squidward.
“Even though you're a big blue loser, it was… nice meeting you,” Kelpy G says.
They shake hands, and go back on the tour bus to go back home.
Bubble transition to Squidward sighing on his front doorstep with his hands on his head. SpongeBob approaches him.
“Aww, what's got you down, buddy?” he asks.
“I don't wanna say.”
“C’mon, you can tell me anything.”
“Well, alright. Have you ever had an idol that doesn't respect you?”
“Sure I have. You, for one.”
“Don't remind me…”
“Respect doesn't always reciprocate, Squidward. It just doesn't. I've learned that from you.”
“Well, I guess you're right.”
“Wanna do something that isn't bubble kings to take your mind off of it?” SpongeBob offers.
“You know what? Sure.”
Squidward gets up and walks into the sunset with SpongeBob, ending the episode.
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