The Mansion Family/Quotes

:Doctor: You are the sickest man in the United States. You have everything.
:Mr. Burns: You mean I have pneumonia?
:Doctor: Yes.
:Mr. Burns: Juvenile diabetes?
:Doctor: Yes.
:Mr. Burns: Hysterical pregnancy?
:Doctor: Uh... a little bit, yes.
----
:Pirate Captain: Set a course for hidden pirate island, AKA Hong Kong!
----
:Homer: Are you friendly pirates?
:Pirate Captain: Uhh, not really, no.
----
:Pirate: Looks like another homosexual party boat. They always have such nice things!
----
:Bart: I'm Al Unser Jr.!
:Lisa: I'm Princess Margaret!
:Homer: I'm drunk!
----
:Lisa: Ah, it's good to be home.
:Homer: I don't know; after living like a billionaire, this place is kind of a dump.
:Bart: Nah, it's not so bad. Here, we can spit on the floor. (spits on the floor)
:Marge: Bart, stop that! Now, we may not have antique furniture, or priceless artwork, but we have everything we need, right here.
:Homer: Alrighty then. Just because rich doesn't mean that we don't have...(Homer starts to cry.) Oh, I can't even finish. I want to be rich! (drops to the floor, as the scene fades to black. The names of the executive producers appear.) Like these guys! (The credits for the actors start to roll.) Hey, look at all these rich people here! Not as rich they should be, of course, but still rich. So look at all these money, so look at all the names that own money, and we have lots of money, Oh, he's poor (when Richard K. Chung's name is on screen). But look at all these people that aren't.... Oh, look at all the people who could buy and sell me! I should send a list of these names to the IRS. I'm taking them all down! (The credits are still rolling, but Homer is still crying.) Oh, look at all the rich people! Boy, look at all the rich...(Cut to the Gracie Films logo)
:Gracie Films Logo: Shh!
:Homer: Don't shush me, you rich bastard!