List of funny quotes

Here is a list of funny quotes from The Kiddie Channel, and more. 
==Sugar, Spice, and Everything Nice!==
* "Belinda, Melinda, and Selinda are glittery sparkle friends who..."
*"The kids are trying to steal sweets again, and this time they're using... balloons?!"
*"We have something new today, and leading the revolution is none other than [someone] herself."
*"This music, beautifully adorned with exquisite harmonies, will certainly have you up and dancing."
*"A rainbow mineral Featherstone which is believed to have properties that are protective, calming, and healing."
*"Flavors include Cherry Berry Unicorn, Blue Raspberry Rainbow, Frosty Fruit Punch, and Birthday Cake Sparkles."
* "I know that magic exists because there are things which transport us to another moment in our lives. That's pure magic."
* "A collection of magical rainbow-themed shades ranging from soft pearlized pinks and purples to crystallized glitter hues." 
* "Lottie Dottie is a perfectionist, and loves adding a touch of glitter on every project. Her catchphrase is 'Oh my shiny sequins!'"
*"Everyone has fantasies of escaping reality for a while. This book will help make that happen for you. It is just the kind of imagination you need."
*"We're so enchanted to announce our next plans, a magic journey through the era of our career! There you are again. Look at you, so besieged and bedazzled..."
*"Everyday people are surprised with fun, fast, and sometimes random acts of kindness. Using positive, motivational and inspirational quotes to help others."
*"Each one can be the best friend ever. And that is something she stands to uphold. Like it or not, there's one thing that platonically outdoes all party people. It's a win-win for them. But off the clock, we're free to do whatever."
* "There's a new shop in town – one that is always open, stocks everything you need to follow your creativity, and (best of all) never charges a dime! It's called..."
* "It is a shimmery glitter house made up of legitimately joyful strings and rainbow synths over which Chaister Garrincha's ever-shrill voice proclaims her forged lyrics."
* "Just like Grandma's recipe, this delicious treat combines a variety of ingredients — sugar, spice, and everything nice, all mixed into one single dessert that features simple, yet fresh-baked flavors."
*"Rainbow diary, leaving colorful memories. In the rainbow diary, record your daily mood, leave all of your chantillating memories, and gather into a rainbow of seven colors. Rainbow diary has extraordinary abilities."
* "Sister decides to enter the Marching Band Parade. Using paper, glitter, and tons of imagination, she creates a sparkly masterpiece, while Brother ends up in a sticky situation. Fortunately, Sister knows just what to do!"
* "Kids always love helping to mix everything together to make and bake cupcakes, especially with the frosting. Then imagine if one of those cupcakes could talk! Explore the fun at Sweetsie's playhouse to see what special things happen with the cupcakes."
* "Chasing her dreams over rainbow beams, Callister's powers make magic happen! She flies through the clouds sprinkling stardust with the help of her wand. Bright, glossy, and sometimes bossy, Callister can always make your dreams come true."
* "Bouncing here, there, and everywhere! The Bunnycorns are a fictional species of bunnies with unicorn horns living in a glittery, rainbow world. They're fluffy, they're energetic, and they leave a trail of sparkle dust wherever they go."
* "Everything is so colorful and jolly. All the stores have bright lights and sparkly decorations. Homes have Christmas trees glittering through the window with bright lights and snowflakes and icicles coming from the rooftop."
* "But somehow, so far, we know that Jingle Bells is what we heard in malls, cafes, stores, and social media when we approached the Christmas holiday throughout December."
* "From the rainbow authors of The Book of Fairy Magic comes a brand new adventure into the power and beauty of chantillation. Brimming with sea magic, inner journeys, fun recipes and rich research, Mermaid Magic will help you develop your own deep connection to the element of water."
* "Sugar's menacing growls and Spice's chantillating characterization added to the tension and excitement of the piece. Indeed, the entire junior school looked as if Nice had actually done something useful... with the rainbow magic." 
* "You're all bundled up as you head out to Main Street. The sound of music brings a smile to your face. The street is lit up as shoppers shuffle to finish their holiday shopping. You pass Main Street when something hits you... the smell of freshly baked gingerbread and hot chocolate. The owner was out walking her dog on a similar wintery night when the idea of opening her own cupcakery dawned on her."
* "The tinsel is shimmering and the house is looking festive with lights and decorations -- that's right, it's nearly Christmas. It's that special time of year where we make sugar, spice and everything nice. Get into the holiday spirit with our delicious gingerbread ideas."
==First Year Anniversary==
* "Roses are red, violets are blue, feet stink, and so do you!"
*"Roses are red, violets are blue. Your breath stinks, and your feet do too!"
* "You cry like a baby, and you even sleep like one. But you snore like a lawnmower!"
*"Well, if it isn't the dirty liar! Did you really think I wasn't gonna find out?"
*"I thought my newborn baby was the Satan devil and believed spies were chasing me on the bloody run!"
*"I can't believe you just ruined my entire life! Give me one good reason why I shouldn't punch you in your face!"
* "That's really not very nice! I'm not here to be nice, or make friends! I'm here to make money!"
*"There's no time for play. We have a lot of work to do. Stop fooling around and get to work!"
*"All right then. But remember, I'm bigger and older than you, and I will seriously hurt you... IF YOU DON'T DO WHAT I SAY!" 
*"Recipe for bankruptcy. Mix flour, sugar and cooking oil. Lease pricey real estate. Launch initial public stock offering. Add debt."
*"Seven-year-old Pellosie is seeing the school counselor because she reported to her teacher that she feels rejected and lonely because she has no real friends." 
*"They have had a small, loyal customer base, and their poor but adequate income. He admits that he is not comfortable when surrounded by other people because they will kill him."
*"Listen closely and listen carefully. Because I'm not gonna repeat myself. Do I make myself clear?" 
*"A mood swing is a sudden or intense change in emotional state. During a mood swing, a person may quickly switch from feeling happy, playful, and upbeat to feeling sad, irritable, or angry. So what now?" 
*"But first, let me introduce you to our school rules. No playing, no having fun, no cellphones, no earbuds, no headphones, no sleeping, and no bathroom breaks. Remember, I will have to punish you VERY harshly if you break any of those rules!"
*"I'll let it slide this time since you're new, but be late again and I'll rip you to pieces."
*"I will cook you for my lunch. I will crush you like a bug. I will milk you like a cow. I will tear your face off. I will peel your skin off. I will rip your eyes out."
*"Now we're playing by my rules! First, you don't speak unless I tell you to. Second, you do everything I say. No questions asked. No hesitating or arguing."
*"There are four simple rules in life. You don't always get your way, or what you want. Don't go where you don't belong. Don't touch what you can't afford. And never steal other people's property!"
*"Stop talking to me, stop being near me, stop interfering with my life. Leave me alone! Why can't you just leave me alone for once?! I'll be fine. Please, just leave me alone from now on, okay?"
*"Just shut up and leave me alone, you annoying, insignificant waste of my time! Don't interrupt me, and don't call me, look at me, write me, or even think of me! Because you and I, we are not friends!"
*"You know what? You are such an insignificant and toxic waste to the human race. You offer no benefit to society. No improvement to culture. Such a shameful disgrace, self-proclaimed at anyone's expense. If you will, a rat in the sewer of life!"
*"You're as friendly as a cactus and have the brains of a cockroach. I bet you look so hideous, you could make an onion cry!"
* "Look lady, that's cute and all, but let me tell you something. I make my own rules around here, so why don't you do what all good people are supposed to do and fix it up yourself? So long, toots!" 
*"Are you kidding? Middle names are nothing but a huge embarrassment!" 
*"I'm out with halitosis and bromodosis today. I feel so sick. My breath stinks, and my feet stink so bad, they have the power to wipe out the entire existence of all eternity!"
*"Don't come crying, okay? The reason I look so good is because I work really hard at the gym eating chocolate all day, and then complaining about how big I look."
*"Do you want to know the perfect solution to all of your problems? Take off your shoes in front of everyone so they can smell your stinky feet. A super fun and simple idea for any occasion!"
*"What if everything tasted and smelled as sweet as candy? No. The nauseating bad breath you have and the sickening stench of your feet? Yes!"
*"You know what I told you about fighting over the candy. I'm gonna take it, put into a box, lock it up, and throw away the key."
*"Simply put, I hate bathing. Or spelled out even simpler than that, I hate being wet. And don’t misunderstand me, I like the feeling of being clean and nice smelling and having hair that doesn’t fall in a dank, greasy mess across my face, but I absolutely detest the process it takes to get there. The prospect of undignified, soggy nudity and a sopping wet, 50-pound mop of tangles on top of my head that takes all day to dry is one thing that I dread VERY much, and avoid for as long as I possibly can get away with."
*"Simply put, I hate it when us adults have an 'inner child'. Or spelled out even simpler than that, I hate acting like a child. And don’t misunderstand me, I like the feeling of taking breaks, and doing relaxing things, but I absolutely detest unleashing my inner child! The prospect of undignified, unprofessional foolishness, two-year-old toddler behavior, and on top of that, being made fun of by everyone, is one thing that I dread VERY much, and avoid for as long as I possibly can get away with."
*"It looks like you found that blanket under a rat's nest in a dump covered with cockroaches." 
*"Ew, what's that smell? This food looks disgusting. It looks like we're eating vomit!" 
*"Oh no, you can keep that. If that blanket touches me, I may catch a disease or two."
*"Maybe if you ate salads instead of burgers, you wouldn't look like such a whale!"
*"Maybe if you ate healthy foods instead of sweets, you wouldn't sound like such a wimp!"
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