A Fairly Odd Christmas/Transcript

[Jolly vocal music]
♪
[Crowd chanting]
santa! Santa! Santa! Santa!
Santa! Santa! Santa! Santa!
- Ladies and gentle elves,
May I introduce
the holly-est, the jolliest,
The bellyful-of-jelly-est,
Your santa claus!
- Ho, ho, ho, ho!
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
Ho, ho, ho!
- I love you, santa!
- Hold it down, people.
Hold it down.
Ho, ho!
Christmas carol.
- Here, sir.
[Crowd cheering]
- Send in the christmas lists.
[Crowd chanting]
lists! Lists! Lists!
- Bring in the nice list.
[Crowd cheering]
- I present to you the nice list!
[Crowd cheering]
- Bring in the naughty list.
- Oh.
- [Grunts]
[Growls]
- Elmer the elder elf,
Keeper of the naughty list.
Sure glad we only see him
once a year.
- Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.
- Thank you...
- [Grunts]
- elmer.
- [Grunts]
- Sir,
Here are your lists:
Nice...
[Crowd cheering]
And naughty.
- [Chuckles]
Thank you.
A lot of familiar names on here.
Some people never learn.
I guess they're getting coal again this christmas.
- [Sighs]
- But enough negativity.
Now, let's see all the boys and girls
Who will be getting Their christmas wishes this year.
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
Ho, ho, ho,
ho, ho, ho!
Huh?
[Stammers]
Christmas carol.
- Yes, your jolliness?
- W-w-what's going on?
Who gave albert his piano,
And who gave jane
her cooking set?
[Bellowing]
who's messing
With my christmas list?
- Whoo-hoo!
Yeah!
Best day ever.
Wishful thinking is on a roll.
- 3,000 Wishes granted today.
- [Giggles]
- [Burbling]
- Strange.
Ever since poof
said his first words,
He's never been able
to say another.
- Maybe he just hasn't found
his true voice yet.
- I've been told my voice
is kind of irritating.
Of course,
I don't believe it.
[Shrieking]
what do you think, wanda?
- Oh!
- [Giggles]
- Okay, guys.
Time to grant more wishes.
We're going in.
Fairies:
let's do it!
- Whoo, whoo!
- [Speaking spanish]
- De nada!
- Just a couple more.
- I wish I had a real truck.
- You got it, kid.
- Awesome!
Yahoo!
- Mm, japan.
Downtown, baby.
- [Hisses]
[Speaking japanese]
- What a great wish.
[Dinosaur roaring]
- Folks, I wish I could say
this traffic jam would clear up,
But--wait; it just did!
- I wish they remember
my birthday.
[Gasps]
ooh, la, la!
- You look thirsty.
- Have a drink, big guy.
Oh, the leaning tower of pisa.
- With extra anchovies.
- Not a bad morning.
I bet after lunch, we could get
a few thousand more wishes in.
- [Laughs]
On this trip alone,
that makes...
Uh, timmy, I think
We've definitely reached
our quota.
- Wow.
Tootie's right.
Our wands are getting
a little overheated.
- I smell bacon.
- [Burbling]
- Hey.
Look down there.
I sense a wish coming on.
- [Groans]
- man.
Committing crimes sure is hard.
- I know.
I just wish we had the goods
right in our hands.
Both: good things do happen
to bad people!
[Laughter]
- I'm sure they weren't
actual burglars,
Just big fans
of burglar fashion, right?
- Whoever they were,
they sure were happy.
- Whee!
- Whoa!
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[Glass shatters]
- Ah!
Falling ornaments.
Either the earth has broken
from its orbit
And we are hurtling
towards the sun,
Or this is the work
of timmy turner
And his fairy godparents.
[Groans]
Oh.
There's turner now,
A 23-year-old
living the life of a child.
Well, beware, turner.
As a christmas present,
I'm gonna give you
A piece of my mind!
- Merry christmas,
mr. Crocker.
- Ah, begone,
street urchins.
You know what I say
about christmas.
Bah, handbag.
- Don't you mean "bah, humbug"?
- No, I mean "bah, handbag."
That's because
every year growing up,
All mother ever gave me
for christmas
Were women's handbags.
She always knew
I'd give them back to her.
- Well, then it's a good thing
santa brings presents too.
- Presents?
What presents?
All santa ever gave me
for christmas
Was a lump of coal.
I've got so much of it,
I could power a small nation
for six years.
- Sounds like someone
might be on the naughty list.
- What's that,
some kind of blog?
- Uh, no, it's something
you don't want to be on
If you're expecting presents.
- Well, then I demand
to be taken off
Of this naughty list
immediately!
Whom do I speak to
about this outrage?
- [Gagging]
- Um, last I heard,
Santa claus keeps
the naughty list
At the north pole.
- Merry christmas.
- Merry christmas.
- North pole?
Ridiculous!
Everyone knows
there's no such thing
As the north pole
Or polar bears.
- You know, I hardly miss
making wishes for myself.
I just love giving.
Love, love, love.
- [Laughs]
Well, it is the season for it.
Oh, isn't this beautiful?
I just love
this time of the year.
Don't you, timmy?
- Oh, sure.
It's great.
But when you have
magical fairies,
The whole year's
a magical time, right?
- Parents!
- Ah!
- [Laughing]
ooh.
Both:
hi, timmy.
Hi, tootie.
- Hey, mom and dad.
- Hi, mr. And mrs. Turner.
- Oh, please.
Call us timmy's parents.
- Just don't call us to say
that timmy's moving back home.
- Yeah, right,
'cause you're not, right?
Right?
No!
No, no!
No!
- You can't.
We've already turned your room
Into a secret spy cave.
- Please don't take away
our secret spy cave.
- Relax, mom and dad.
I'm not moving back home.
- Ooh.
- Oh.
- Let heaven and nature sing.
[Chuckles]
- What are you guys up to?
- Uh, duh.
I'm dressed up as santa.
- And santa's little helper.
- [Chuckles]
- Very christmassy.
- It's christmas?
- This year,
I'm asking santa
For something practical:
A new computer.
- I want something
practical too:
A magical pony
who poops ice cream,
Then he eats the ice cream,
And he poops gold,
Then he eats the gold,
And then he poops out
a motorcycle,
And we all ride away.
Bye!
[Laughs]
Hey!
- Best parents ever.
- Timmy turner?
Down here, treetop.
- We've got a problem.
- A big one.
- And you are?
- I'm christmas carol,
Elf first class.
This is my associate,
Dingle dave.
- I have no class.
- Carol.
- Wanda.
- Cosmo.
- Dingle.
Both:
lousy stinkin' fairies.
Both:
dirty rotten elves.
- Wait a minute.
You guys know each other?
- Unfortunately, we do,
Although they're shorter
than I remember.
- Who you calling short?
- Bring it on, dingle boy.
[All grunting]
- What's this?
Timmy turner with some
colorfully dressed weirdos
That aren't fairies.
[Grunting]
- Oh.
- [Sighs]
- So you guys
are real, live elves?
- Of course we are.
- We live to make the world
a happier place.
[Both retching]
- It's amazing.
Magical creatures.
You don't see that every day.
- Hmm?
- Huh?
- [Clears throat]
- oh, sorry.
So you guys actually know the real santa claus?
- The real santa.
[Laughs]
Time for me to square off with the big guy And get off the so-called naughty list.
He owes me.
[Sniffs]
Ah!
Die!
Mmm!
- Oh, elves visiting dimmsdale
at christmas?
This is so exciting.
- Yeah, right.
- I wouldn't be too excited
if I were you, kid.
Santa wants to see you
right away.
Both: you're in big trouble,
timmy turner.
- Here we are.
- Tootie, look down there.
The north pole.
It's amazing.
- Wow.
- Yeah, if you like
that sort of thing.
Ah, get me out of here.
Smells like elf farts in there.
And it's cold out here.
- Ooh!
- Ah.
- Mr. Turner,
we've been expecting you.
Welcome to the north pole.
- [Sighs]
- Fairies.
Both: elves.
- I'm sensing
some very hostile vibrations
Between you guys and the elves.
What happened?
This is supposed to be
a time of peace and love.
- They know
what they did to us.
- What we did?
- Oh, that's rich
coming from you.
- Whoa.
What's that?
Elves:
don't touch that!
- This is the christmas spirit
generator.
He generates cheer
all around the world.
- Keep moving, people.
We are on a schedule.
We do not want to keep
mr. Claus waiting.
- [Shivering]
[Exhales]
Oh.
So the north pole does exist.
- [Growling]
- Apparently, so do polar bears!
[Screams]
- Oh!
- Ooh, wow!
- Follow me.
- Uh, I mean, yeah, whatever.
- Wow.
[Giggles]
- Welcome to santa's workshop.
- Amazing.
- Here you'll see
State-of-the-art
toy-making technology,
As well as the latest
in holly, jolly hardware.
- Over there
is the command center.
That's where we cross-reference
Each and every gift
with the naughty and nice list.
Feel free to marvel
at the gift-o-wrapper:
Perfectly gift-wraps
up to 600 toys a minute.
- Whoa.
- Oh.
- We like to call it
our little wrap star.
[Laughter]
- Whee!
[Giggling]
- oh, be careful in there.
- My turn next.
- [Sighs]
- Oh, hey.
What's this stuff?
Elves:
don't touch that!
- Ooh.
Oh.
And that's
the dimensionation station.
We can track weather patterns
As well as real-time databases
of chimney sizes.
They tell santa
exactly just how much
To suck in his belly
to fit down each one.
- Awesome.
Elves:
don't touch that!
- Timmy turner!
Both: santa!
- I need a word with you.
Timmy turner.
Welcome to the north pole!
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho,
ho, ho, ho.
Ho, ho, ho, ho.
- Thanks, santa.
- [Chuckles]
You must be tootie.
[Smooches]
- You know my name.
- But of course.
And I know every present
I've ever given you.
Try me.
- Uh, what did you get for me
when I was eight?
- A professor noggin
chemistry set
And ballerina shoes.
Ho, ho!
- Whoa.
Let me try.
What did you give me
when I was six?
- Easy.
A matty meteor star blaster,
A unicycle
with a sissy bar seat,
One pair of underpants
that could be used as a hat
When it rained,
two hams,
Oh, and a wendy wee-wee doll
that when you pulled the--
- Uh, what's this thing do?
- Could I have a moment
with timmy, please?
- Uh...
- This way, tootie.
- Timmy, my boy.
- [Groaning]
[Bear growling]
[Chuckles]
Hmm.
Ooh, incredible.
Santa's workshop.
In order for me
to confront him,
I'll need to disguise myself.
Ooh, time to use
My patented crocker
blend-in technique.
Yoink!
[Chuckles]
Oh, perfect.
Now I look just like an elf.
[Chuckles]
- You there!
And where do you think
you're going?
- Me?
Oh, nowhere special.
Just a typical elf doing, um,
Elf things.
- You're new around here,
aren't you?
- Yes, sir.
Crash!
Yeah, fresh in
from the elf academy
With the sugarplums
and the candy canes
And the...gingerbread.
- Good.
You can start
By mucking out
the reindeer stalls.
- Right away, sir.
- But first,
Your ears look
a little dull.
Looks like
we have to sharpen them.
- I got a problem.
- Uh, well,
just tell me it as a wish,
And my fairies will fix it,
no problem.
- That's my problem!
When you use your powers
To give people
everything that they want,
Especially this time of year,
Well, they don't need me.
Their names are disappearing
from my nice list.
- Wow, santa.
I never really
thought about it that way.
- Oh.
- I just love giving, you know?
Love, love, love.
- I know.
Giving is the greatest thing
there is.
But as you know,
with great power--
And magical fairies
do fall into that category--
Comes great responsibility.
- Sorry, santa.
I guess I put everyone
in a bad spot, huh?
- Here.
Have a candy cane.
There isn't a bad spot
That one of santa's
delicious candy canes
Can't get you out of.
In your case,
You better take two.
- Hmm.
- Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
- Thanks.
- [Giggles]
- oh.
- Whoa!
- Ah!
Oh, no!
[Groans]
- [Blows raspberry]
- [Grumbles]
- So now do you understand,
timmy?
Christmas should be a time
where giving is special.
Look at these elves.
They work all year long
To make sure
that christmas can happen
For all the good boys
and girls.
- Sorry, santa.
It's jammed again.
- Will you give me a second,
timmy?
I wish this thing
would stop breaking down.
- Hey.
Hey, did you guys hear that?
Santa just made a wish.
- Uh...
Didn't santa
just ask you not to?
- Psh, he didn't say anything
about not making wishes for him.
- I'll just put my arm up here.
[Laughs] oh, sorry.
- Come on.
Let's show him how we roll
and fix that thing.
- Uh, if you say so, timmy.
[Wand crackles]
Ah!
Oh!
- Oh!
- [Whimpers]
- Way to go.
- Guys, w-what's going on?
- Are you crazy?
- Oh! Oh!
- Using fairy magic
in an elf-made building?
- It wasn't us.
- Whoa.
Oh!
Whoa!
Crash!
Oh!
- [Sighs]
- [Gasps]
[Bell dings]
- Is he...
- Santa?
Are you okay?
Speak to me!
- I'm fine, mommy.
[Laughs]
- "Ha, ha, ha"?
Not "ho, ho, ho"?
- Santa claus,are you hurt?
- Santa claus? Who's santa claus? I'm the easter bunny.
[Laughing]
- Clearly the fall scrambled santa's head.
He's forgotten who he is.
- Who knows how long
he's gonna be like this?
- Oh, it gets worse, guys.
I think those
are rabbit droppings.
[Alarm blaring]
- [Gulps]
- [gasps]
- Emergency shutdown.
- Emergency shutdown?
- Emergency shutdown.
- Oh, no.
This is not good.
- Oh.
- Emergency shutdown.
Emergency shutdown.
Emergency shutdown.
Emergency shutdown.
Emergency shutdown.
Emergency shutdown.
- Oh, no.
- W-w-what's happening?
- It's the workshop
failsafe system kicking in.
Without a functioning
santa claus,
The workshop won't work.
- This is all your fault,
timmy turner.
- My fault?
- Yes, your fault.
It is i,
jorgen von strangle,
And I'm here to, uh,
Not only model the latest
in fairy winter wear...
- Hmm.
- But to once again
Straighten out the mess
Timmy turner has made.
By the way,
merry christmas.
- Jorgen?
- Ooh, presents.
- Ooh.
Fairies:
da rules?
- Timmy turner,
I came here
to inform you
That you are once again
In deep trouble.
According to da rules,
Paragraph 1,225,
article "k,"
Subsection kringle,
If a godchild should injure
a holiday icon
And prevent said icon
From performing
their holiday duties...
- [Giggles]
he said "doodies."
- [Giggles]
- Then...
The godchild in question
Must assume the responsibilities
of that icon
Until such time as the icon
is able to perform again.
- Okay, jorgen.
In english, please?
- Fine.
Until santa gets better...
- Carrots!
[Laughs]
- [Groans]
[All groan]
- Timmy turner,
You are the new santa claus.
[Both gasp]
- [Gasps]
- [whimpers]
- Me?
Santa claus?
- Come on.
- This is ridiculous.
This boy taking the place
of the great claus?
I scoff at that.
Watch me scoff.
[Scoffs]
- You call that a scoff?
This is a scoff.
[Groans]
- That's more an expression
of doubt.
- Well, I took a sh*t.
- Guys, guys, guys.
What are you fighting about?
- The fairies and elves
have been feuding for centuries.
- That's because fairies
always ruin everything.
- Everyone, focus.
Timmy being santa claus
just might work.
- Really?
- Bring me santa's hat.
If what that muscle head says
is true
And you've taken on
the santa position,
Then the workshop
should respond to you.
There's only one way
to test it.
Put it on.
Crash!
[Twinkling music]
♪
- Whoa.
[All cheering]
- System reboot.
- [Laughs]
- It's working.
I can't believe it.
- Take your places, everyone.
Christmas is a go.
- Ooh, I want to help.
[Cheerful music]
♪
- [Giggles]
- Enjoy.
- Hey.
I could get used to this.
Well, at least until santa gets better.
Oh, yeah, with wanda, cosmo, and poof by my side,
I can totally pull off this santa thing.
- Youch!
That ear sharpener really smarts.
[Grunts]
huh.
Who knew reindeer poop was so sparkly?
- Nobody can sit and watch other people work
Quite like our timmy.
I'm so proud.
[expl*si*n]
[Alarm blaring]
- Emergency shutdown.
Emergency shutdown.
Emergency shutdown.
[Alarm blaring]
[Electricity crackling]
[Glass shatters]
- [Grunts]
Doesn't anyone pay the electricity bill
Around here?
[Reindeer bells clanking]
Ooh, what's that?
"Close the gate so the reindeer won't escape," hmm.
deal with it.
[Alarm blaring]
- What's happening, Timmy?
- We've got a problem.
- What is it?
- Timmy Turner can't be santa claus.
- Why not?
- Because timmy turner Is on the naughty list.
- [Gulps]
- Well, then these need to disappear.
- M-m-m-me?
- But how did timmy end up on the naughty list?
- Maybe it has something to do With the fact that he almost killed santa.
- Or the fact that he messed up christmas In the first place by granting so many wishes.
- Or the fact that he has terrible body odor, 
Cries in his sleep--
Oh, wait.
That's me.
- Hey.
No big deal.
I can totally fix this mess.
All I got to do
is have cosmo, wanda, and poof
Zap me off the naughty list.
Simple.
- If there's one thing
fairies understand,
It's simple.
- Oh, really?
Well, it would be simple
To turn you
into a pooper scooper.
- [Whimpers]
- what's going on?
I'm not getting
any magic reception in my wand.
- Me neither.
I got no bars.
I got to get out of here.
I got people
coming over tonight.
- With the christmas spirit
power down,
The north pole's
magnetic polarity
Is rendering
your fairy magic useless.
- Okay. Okay.
How do I get my name
off the naughty list?
- There's only one way.
- [Gasps]
- Tell us, dingle dave.
I mean, timmy will do anything.
- Well, surely you don't mean...
- Yes.
Elmer the elder elf.
[All whimpering]
He sees all.
He knows all.
Only he has the power
To take someone
off the naughty list.
- Well, easy.
I'll just go to this elmer
the elder elf's house
And ask him to take me
off the naughty list.
- It's not that easy, timmy.
People have tried, and--
- Well, timmy
has to do something.
There's two days left
until christmas,
And real santa doesn't look
Like he's gonna be ready
anytime soon.
- [Giggling]
I'm a pretty little ballerina.
[Giggling]
Whee!
- Look.
I owe this to santa claus.
Okay, out there somewhere,
there is another little boy
Dreaming
of a wendy wee-wee doll.
I mean a football.
And I'm not gonna
let that kid down.
If I have to travel
To this elmer
the elder elf's realm,
I'll do it--
Alone.
- Without magic, timmy?
- Oh, timmy can do anything.
Right, timmy?
- Yeah.
How hard can it be?
- The path to elmer's realm
Is fraught
with death and danger
And more dangerous danger.
- And--and by "danger,"
you mean...
- You may not
make it back alive,
Timmy turner.
- I'm going with you.
We're a team.
- And i, unfortunately,
will not be going,
Because I'm extremely allergic
to danger.
- You're coming too.
- Fine, but if my tongue
swells up--
[Slurring]
oh, no, it's already started.
- [Grunts]
- Mr. Crocker,
what are you doing here?
- Oh, well,
it's a long story
That involves
a freezing car ride,
Reindeer poop,
and an ear sharpener.
Believe me,
That part--
not pretty.
But that is not the point.
You see, I am here
because I am coming along
To get my name
taken off the naughty list too.
- Well, you're welcome to come,
mr. Crocker.
We'll all go together.
- Whatever.
- Well,
You're gonna need a guide.
- And someone to carry back
your bodies.
- Huh?
- And you're also
gonna need this.
[Swelling orchestral music]
♪
- [Sighs]
- [Shivering]
- Cold.
- Which way now, guys?
- Never fear, timmy.
It's obvious.
The realm of elmer is--
Both:
that way!
Right.
That way.
- [Sighs]
- Oh, I wish
you could wish
For directions,
But my wand's as useless
As cosmo's
invisibility helmet.
- Wanda, I'm right here.
She can't see me.
- I thought you guys said
you knew the north pole
Like the back of your hand.
- Oh, typical elves--
No sense of direction.
- [Scoffs]
oh, yeah?
Well, typical fairies--
No taste in husbands.
- [Gasps]
- hey!
- How dare you?
I have fantastic taste
in husbands.
- Okay, that's it.
- [Groans]
what did I do?
- I can't kick him.
He's floating.
- Ha, you're so short,
You couldn't kick
a flea's knees.
- Burn.
- Oh, yeah?
[Grunts]
- oh!
- Ha!
Missed me!
- [Grunts]
what is the deal?
- He's got snowballs.
I can't kick him.
- What was that?
[Both gasp]
- There's nothing there, tootie.
- But just to be safe,
We'll hide in timmy's pocket.
[Zipper zips]
- Hey, guys.
Over there.
- [Gasps]
- [Gasps]
This is the only way
to transport us
Over the cracked candy cane
chasm
To the forbidden forest.
The chasm floor
is miles below.
It's made up entirely
Of ancient razor-sharp
broken candy canes.
- All pointed owie side up.
One slip, and you're
peppermint shish kebab!
- You know, guys,
maybe this wasn't the best idea.
- Whoo!
See you on the other side!
Whoa!
[Laughs]
Whoo!
- What she said.
- Whoo!
- Whoa!
[Yelling]
- Um...
You know...
[Chuckles]
It's really not so bad
Being on the naughty list
after all.
I think I'll just--
I regret nothing!
[Yelling]
- Whoo!
- Whoa!
[Yelling]
- Oh, no!
- [Laughs]
Ooh!
Whoo!
- [Chuckling]
- [Grunts]
Ooh, fun.
- Whoa! Whoa, whoa!
[Grunts]
- [Yells]
[grunts]
- Whoo-hoo!
[Grunts]
- [Grunts]
- Ah, I haven't been
that scared
Since wanda's mother
moved in with us.
Oh, there are things
I can't unsee.
- [Sighs]
- [Grunts]
- If that's as bad
as it gets,
I think we're gonna be okay.
I feel pretty good
about this trip.
I'm with my friends.
I'm helping save christmas.
What's the worst
that could happen?
[Ice cracking]
huh?
- Oh!
[Screams]
- Tootie!
- Oh, well.
Better them than me.
[Ice cracking]
[Both screaming]
- Oh, mr. Crocker!
- I've always pictured
your demise, turner.
I just never pictured me
being with you when it happened!
[All screaming]
- Is everyone okay?
- Well, uh,
we fell off a cliff.
We're in the forbidden forest.
We lost timmy.
We're wet and cold.
[Chuckles]
- Other than that, we're great.
- Yeah.
- I'll tell you
what's not great.
You're sitting on us!
- Oh.
[All groaning]
- Whoa.
[All screaming]
- Whoa! Whoa!
- Aah!
[Both screaming]
- Ah.
- [Gasps]
- [Shudders]
- Did you see that?
- [Whimpers]
- Probably
an elf-eating monster.
[All whimper]
There it is again.
It's a--
it's a--
It's...
- It's not
an elf-eating monster.
It's a penguin.
Maybe he's seen timmy.
- Last I checked,
penguins aren't very talkative.
- There's one way to find out.
- Whoo!
[Giggles]
whoa.
- Hi.
Hello, penguin.
Oh.
[Burbling throatily]
- What's she doing?
- Shh, can't you see
She's trying
to make contact?
- That, or she's got a bone
stuck in her throat.
- [Squawking]
- [Burbling throatily]
- Oh, yeah.
I forgot tootie speaks penguin.
- Amazing.
- She also surfed niagara falls
And plays a mean oboe.
- Okay.
[Giggles]
[Burbling throatily]
Smack!
- [Gasps]
- What did I do?
- [Squawking]
- Sorry, dave.
My fault.
Penguin for "have you seen
my lost friend"
Sounds a lot like "the elf
thinks your mom's ugly."
- [Squawks]
Smack!
- Why?
[All giggling]
- No, he doesn't think that.
No, um...
[Burbling throatily]
- [Squawking]
- [Laughs]
- [Squawking]
- Oh, okay,
So he doesn't know
where timmy is,
But he does know
the way out of the forest.
- Ah!
- Awesome!
Great.
- What are we waiting for?
Lead the way.
Smack!
- What was that for?
- [Squawking]
- [Laughs]
That's just penguin
for "good luck."
- Whoo-hoo!
- After you.
- Oh, okay, lead the way.
- [Burbles]
- We can only hope
that timmy and crocker
Stumbled into some
good luck too.
- Don't worry.
Hold on, mr. Crocker.
I've got you.
- Turner, I'm gonna
quote my mother
When she saw
my first grade photo.
This doesn't look good.
- You're gonna be okay.
Trust me.
- I want to tell someone
before I die...
I don't really need glasses.
I just wear them
to look smart.
And now good-bye.
- Mr. Crocker, no!
- [Yelling]
- Uh, mr. Crocker.
- [Yelling]
[Yelling]
- Mr. Crocker.
- [Yelling]
- Mr. Crocker.
- Oh.
Well, this is, um,
Awkward.
- Well, if it makes you
feel any better,
I have a confession too.
I'm not much good
without my fairies.
- [Laughs]
No kidding.
[Both grunting]
- I hope tootie's okay.
We've got to find her.
- Yeah.
Which one's tootie?
Oh, I haven't been this cold
Since mother locked me
in the meat freezer.
She said it was an accident.
Who knew I'd ever
tire of venison?
[Gasps]
Is that what I think it is?
- Uh-oh.
[Suspenseful music]
- Hey.
Are you guys okay?
- We heard a commotion.
- I heard such a scream.
The icing on the back of my neck
stood up.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
Yeah, that was us.
Say, are you guys really--
- Gingerbread men?
Sure are.
This is our home.
- We don't get
a lot of your types out here.
Welcome.
- So you're not gonna hurt us?
- Why would we hurt you?
That's silly.
You haven't
done anything to us.
- Well, that's great.
I'm timmy.
We just fell down the mountain
and lost our friends.
- Hey, timmy.
I'm ginger fred,
And we'll help you
find your friends.
- You will?
- Of course.
No one understands
the value of friendship
Like a gingerbread man.
See, timmy,
me and my friends--
Well, we're all we have.
We've lived
in these magical woods
In peace and tranquility
for thousands of years.
I couldn't live here
Without my very bestest
ginger friends,
Ginger ed...
- [Chuckles]
- Ginger ned...
- Hey.
- And, of course,
ginger jed.
- [Chomping]
- He's eating me!
[Sobbing]
- crocker!
- What?
- Oh!
- Ginger jed!
- k*ll them!
- [Screams]
- Oh, get him!
Take him.
Get the pointy-eared--
Wait. Wait. Hold up.
Get the pinky.
Get the pinky.
- Get the slow one!
- Get him!
- Turner!
Wait for me!
I wish I had some milk
to go with that.
Curses, nutmeg-y goodness.
I was starving!
- You ate their friend!
- Just his head!
Hey, here they come!
- Whoa!
- Get him!
- [Whimpering]
Smack!
- Ooh.
- [Squawking]
- Well, now which way?
- Um...
- [Squawking]
- He says the way to elmer's
Is over some bridge
that way.
Thank you.
- Bye.
- Thanks.
- I'd say everything
is certainly looking up.
[Giggles]
- Tootie!
Tootie!
- [Gasps]
[Together]
timmy!
- Oh.
Oh, I'm so glad
I found you guys.
Tootie, there's something
I really need to tell you.
- Really? What?
- [Growls]
- Run!
[All screaming]
- [Growls]
- There they are!
- Dingle,
Snowball maneuver
alpha tango bravo.
Go! Go! Go!
- k*ll them!
Hey!
- [Grunts]
[All grunting]
- Retreat!
- Wait up!
Wait up!
Wait for us!
[Wolf howls]
- Are we ready
to get out of the cold yet?
- I wish we could wish
for a fire.
- You need fairies for that.
Hey, wait a minute.
- I'm working on it.
[All shivering]
- Good luck with that, timmy.
In the meantime,
Here we go.
Home, sweet home!
[Laughs]
[Wind whistles]
Oops.
- Oh.
If I don't get warm...
[Chuckles]
I'm going to die.
- If only I could
get this fire started.
- Even if you do start a fire,
There's nothing to burn
but the snow and rocks.
- She's right.
We're all gonna end up
as popsicles.
- If timmy says
he can do it,
He can do it.
You can do it,
right, timmy?
- I got this, guys.
Don't worry.
- That's what he said
about being santa claus.
- Big talk from a little guy
who can't even set up a tent.
- Let's at least
huddle up for warmth.
- [Whimpering]
- Come here, poof.
- [Whimpering]
- [Shivering]
[Fire crackles]
- Guys, guys!
I got a spark.
- Oh, good!
- Oh, he did it.
Oh.
- You did it, timmy.
- Oh, I can't keep it going.
These leaves are too wet.
- Here.
I hate to give away
my personal property,
But this might work.
- Where--where did you get
all this coal from?
- Where do you think?
From santa.
- Mr. Crocker
is a naughty-list legend.
- [Laughs]
- wow.
Thanks, mr. Crocker.
- Yeah.
[Fire crackling]
- Oh.
- Oh, that's better.
Oh.
- [Giggles]
- Oh, this isn't so bad.
I haven't had this many people
this close to me
For this long
without a counselor in the room.
- Marshmallow?
I keep them in my underpants...
For an emergency.
- That's where I keep
my marshmallows.
- Great minds, huh?
- Oh, men
and their marshmallows.
- And their underpants.
- This does not mean
I'm your friend.
I just hate to let a good...
[Munches]
Underpants marshmallow
go to waste.
That's all.
- This fire is great, timmy.
- Thanks.
Can't believe
it actually worked.
- Even without magic,
I wished for a fire,
And you made it happen.
- Yeah.
I guess I did.
- Never seen anything like it.
The christmas spirit monitor
is dropping
Faster than santa
down a greased chimney.
[Flatulence]
- Here, santa, santa.
Uncle jorgen has a yummy plate
of milk and cookies for you.
Shing!
- Ha-ha!
Who's santa?
For I am hair-face the horrible.
Why are there no horses
in this town?
For tomorrow
we ride.
- Oh, boy.
Uh, tomorrow we ride.
Fine, we ride.
We ride.
- We've got gloom, people!
- Say what?
- Christmas gloom.
Without a santa claus,
Christmas spirit is too weak
to hold it back.
- What does that mean?
- It means timmy turner
is running out of time.
- Ooh!
[Laughs]
- Oh, honey.
My famous timmy's dad's
special christmas pie is ready,
Just the way you like it.
- [Chuckles]
I do love your pie.
[Laughter]
Ooh.
Suddenly pie makes me sad.
- [Sobs]
Me too.
[Both sobbing]
[Grunts]
- The tree's
looking awesome, mouse.
- Check this out.
Who cares?
- Life is pain.
- ♪ Deck the halls
with boughs of holly ♪
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la,
la-la, la, la ♪
♪ 'Tis the season to be jolly
- What is that racket?
What are you all
so happy about?
- ♪ Fa-la-la, la-la-la,
la, la, la ♪
- Wow.
Vicky's right.
Why are we so happy?
Let's go.
- Hey, no, guys.
Wait.
Where you going?
Don't leave.
I suddenly feel great!
♪ Deck the halls
with boughs of holly ♪
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la,
la-la, la, la ♪
- [Gasps]
- There.
The bridge of badness.
We have to cross it.
- We'll go check it out.
- Hey, guys,
be careful.
- There's no way
this bridge will hold us.
There's got to be another way.
- This bridge is definitely
not up to building code.
- There is no other way.
It's almost christmas eve.
If I don't get my name
off the naughty list
In the next few hours,
christmas is ruined.
- Well, maybe they can
move it a day.
- Look.
I'll just go first
to make sure it's safe.
- Use an elf as a test dummy.
[Wood cracks]
[All yelp]
- [Gasps]
- [gasps]
- [Whimpers]
- [gasps]
- Lava?
- Eggnog.
- I always wondered
what the source
Of that
culinary abomination was.
- I'm going in.
- Timmy!
- Oh, careful.
- You can do it, timmy.
- Easy.
Easy.
- Oh, careful.
[Wood cracks]
[All gasp]
- [Hums heroic tune]
- Timmy!
- [Grunts]
- Way to go, poof.
- Ta-da!
- Yeah, poof!
- [Sighs]
- Whoa, thanks, poof.
- [Giggles]
- I'm coming with you.
- I don't think
that's a very good idea.
- I don't think
we have a choice.
Look!
- Get them!
- Get them.
- k*ll them!
- Get them!
- Oh, no!
- Run!
- Hurry!
Hurry, hurry, hurry!
- Come on, cosmo.
Let's go.
We'll save them.
- Whoa!
[All grumbling]
- [Whimpers]
- Come on, guys!
- Ooh.
- We'll stay back
and hold them off.
- Yeah.
Wait. What?
- Come on.
- [Grunts]
- we're almost there.
- [Grunts]
- get them!
- Right there.
- You'll never get away!
- [Groaning]
- Come on.
Don't look down, wanda.
- Uh, I think
we forgot something
In timmy's pocket.
[Grunts]
- You're not leaving.
You can't get away from me.
These are our woods.
- Guys, hurry!
- [Gasps]
Oh!
[Whimpers]
- Whoa.
- Wait a second.
You guys wait.
Hold it right there.
I'm gonna stop you.
I'll show you guys.
- [Screams]
- [Sighs]
- hold on, turner.
Don't you let go of...
Oh, huh.
[Humming]
- Mr. Crocker,
hurry!
- I just need to tie my shoe.
I take personal safety
very seriously.
- What?
- [Cackling]
- [Yells]
[Grunts]
[Whines]
[Wood cracks]
- Oh!
- [Cackling]
[Both grunt]
- Turner,
You already know
about the glasses,
But there's one more secret.
I dye my hair.
[Sobbing]
I'm a redhead.
- Hang on.
You're not going anywhere.
- Hold on!
- I got you.
Whoa!
- Timmy!
No!
Fairies:
timmy!
- He's gone!
- This is terrible.
He was the best friend
I ever had.
- At least he tried.
- He gave his all
to save christmas.
- I always wanted to see turner
fall off a cliff,
And now I find it
strangely unsatisfying.
- [Grunts]
- [Gasps]
- [Grunts]
[All gasp]
- Timmy!
- Timmy!
You made it.
- [Grunts]
- Whoo-hoo!
- But how?
- Santa's right.
There's not a bad spot
That a candy cane or two
can't fix.
- Ah, I'm so happy
to see you, timmy.
By the way,
you owe me $3.
Both:
cosmo!
- I didn't think
I'd ever see you again.
Well,
Looks like we made it.
- [Gasps]
Ah.
- [Gasps]
- The home
Of elmer the elder elf,
Keeper of the naughty list.
- Whoa.
- Oh!
[Babbles]
- [Whimpers]
- We're almost there.
- He seems
like a very friendly guy.
- Totally.
- [Grunts]
- Huh?
- [Whimpers]
- Well, here it goes.
[Echoing knocks]
- Oh, that's it.
No one's home. We--
[All scream]
- [Coughs]
- Uh, did we just land
in paris?
- [Babbles]
- Wonder what that's all about.
- [Grunts]
Toothpicks.
Huh.
Mm-mm-mm.
Mm-hmm.
- You think he knows
we're here?
- Come forward,
timmy turner. 
How does he know my name?
- He sees all.
- He knows all.
- Does he know why
wanda's cupcakes are so dry?
- She forget to add the eggs.
- He's right!
- Come no further.
[All gasp]
- Uh...
Mr. Elmer?
We were wondering if we could
get a minute of--
- That's far enough.
How dare you enter the realm
Of elmer the elder elf?
I see all,
I know all,
And for centuries,
I have decided
Who's naughty and who's nice.
Sometimes I even decide who's just downright annoying.
Speaking of which,
How are you, denzel crocker?
- Uh, fine?
- Blaming your farts
on your friends.
Mm, mm, mm.
[Sniffs]
[groans]
Naughty list.
You know,
It's not santa who does all that seeing.
I know who's sleeping and who's awake.
That's right,
it's me.
Now, why are you here?
- Uh,
I'm sorry, elmer,
But we had to come.
It seems there's been a mistake.
I know it sounds crazy,
But I'm on the naughty list.
- So am i.
I don't--
it's a typo or--
- And I have to get my name off
So I can fill in for santa and save christmas.
- Like I don't know this?
- Oh.
Of course.
Sorry.
Well, is there any way I can get my name off?
I'll do anything.
- I'll do mostly anything.
- There's one way to remove your name
From the naughty list.
You must slay the deadly winter dragon.
- [Whimpers]
- [Gasps]
- Ha!
I was just kidding.
There is no winter dragon.
I was just messing with you.
Boy, did you look surprised.
[Laughter]
- oh, yeah.
- Elmer, sir,
Uh, is there any way that you'll
be able to help us out?
We don't have much time.
- Time?
Time is all I have down here.
Why, I've been building
one sculpture
Of the eiffel tower
out of toothpicks
For 78 years.
I finally finished it
this morning.
Want to see it?
Come on.
- Uh, no, you know, we're good.
We're kind of on a schedule.
We got to--
- I'd love to see it.
- Wood, ick.
- Ooh. Meh.
- Mr. Elmer, why am I
on the naughty list?
I've been granting wishes and making people happy.
- You haven't done anything, timmy.
Your fairies been doing all the work.
And even though you haven't been making wishes For yourself anymore, You still go about making wishes with recklessness And without thinking of the consequences.
- Ooh.
[Babbles]
- [Screams]
[Speaking spanish]
[Engine rumbles]
- [Screams]
- Oh, that's gonna leave a mark.
- Whoops.
[Laughter]
- [Speaking japanese]
[Dinosaur roaring]
- Oh, no,
look out!
- Yeesh.
- Oh, and to top it off, you--
Oh, let me see.
Oh, here it is.
Trying to show off, you knocked out santa And endangered christmas for billions of people.
- It was an accident.
- Was it, timmy?
- Uh-oh.
- Well...
No, it was more me being stupid than an accident.
I was trying to show off.
I--
I guess I wasn't thinking.
- Exactly my point.
Here's a little
pearl of wisdom for you.
With magical powers come--
- I know--
great responsibility.
- I was going to say,
"a lot of problems,"
But that works too.
- Enough of this
fortune cookie nonsense.
What about me?
How do I
get off the naughty list?
- You have to be nice.
- I'm out.
Let's go.
- That's right.
Begone with you all.
You're wasting
elmer's valuable time.
You're on the naughty list,
And you shall always be
on the naughty list.
This I know
because I am elmer,
And elmer sees all.
Sees all, sees all,
sees all,
Sees all, sees all.
- [Gulps]
- Uh, we can still see you
back there.
- Oh.
- Looks like we're too late.
Sorry, guys.
- Oh, it's not so bad, turner.
I've been on the naughty list
all my life,
And look how I turned out.
[Grunts]
- [Sighs]
You did your best, timmy.
That's all you can do.
I'm proud of you.
[Smooches]
- I'm proud of you too, timmy.
[Smooches]
Mwah!
Not to ruin the moment,
But you need to shave.
- [Giggles]
- [Sighs]
Dingle, carol,
It looks like I failed.
And christmas is ruined,
and it's all my fault.
Sorry, everyone.
- Silence!
I don't care
what that hermit said.
Timmy turner may be
the boy version of gout,
But he saved my life,
The lives of those fairies,
And the lives of those
stupid little elves.
[Grunts]
Just--ugh.
That guy doesn't know
what he's talking about.
You risked your life
All in the name
of saving christmas.
You'd never see
the likes of me
Wasting my time like that.
But you,
You tried.
- Whoo-hoo!
- You're okay, turner.
- Thanks, mr. Crocker.
- Please, call me mr. Crocker.
Let's go.
- Wait.
- [Gasps]
- [gasps]
- I know it sounds insane,
But crocker makes
a compelling case.
More importantly, the fact
that timmy turner's kindness
Was able to touch crocker's
shriveled heart speaks volumes.
- A simple
"crocker makes a good point"
Would've been fine.
- Timmy,
A boy who can change hearts
with his good deeds
Is a man that can make the world
a better place.
We need more people like you.
- Whoo-hoo!
- Give me that.
It is with great pleasure
I hereby decree
Timmy turner
is off the naughty list!
[All cheering]
- Up top.
Top shelf, anyone?
No.
- Congratulations, timmy.
- I'm so proud of you, timmy.
Both:
yay!
- Thanks, mr. Elmer.
- Great, but how are we gonna
get back in time?
- Oh, yeah.
It took us forever to get here.
- You can borrow my ride.
Let's go.
Hop on.
- Whoo!
- Whoo!
- [Giggles]
- There's complimentary
elmer the elder elf barf bags.
- Barf bags?
Why would we need--
[All scream]
- Nice people.
Who broke my eiffel tower?
- Whoa!
- It's a puppy dog.
And for you, little girl...
It's a choo-choo train.
- Oy vey.
[Horn honks]
- Whoa!
[All grunt]
- Let's rock this christmas.
Let's go!
- [Grunts]
- Guess what, guys.
I'm off the naughty list!
[All cheering]
- Come on.
We've got a job to do.
[Upbeat jazzy music]
♪
[Electricity crackling]
[All cheering]
Let's slap some eyes
on those teddy bears, people.
- We got to get that
gift-o-wrapper up and running.
You, deck those halls.
You, stuff those stockings.
Hey, somebody get those robots
Before they walk
into the fireplace.
- Out of the way, citizens!
I'm here to save the day!
Crash!
- Oh, look at our timmy.
He is santa claus.
- Ooh, santa,
Can I have a wendy wee-wee doll?
- We only have a hour left
before midnight,
And since the power's been off,
We're way behind.
- And the gloom is so thick,
It's gonna be impossible
To get santa's sleigh
out of the north pole.
[Calm ukulele music]
♪
- Aloha.
- I get it.
We've got our work
cut out for us,
But I've learned
That without wands,
we can still make magic happen.
- We can?
Take that, wand.
- Cosmo,
it was a metaphor!
- Whoops!
I'm sorry, wand.
- Timmy, you're right.
If we all work together,
we can do this.
Who's with us?
Elves:
we are!
- Can I help?
Anything to get away from santa.
He thinks he's in the rodeo.
- Yee-haw!
- Too late.
Crash!
- If we can get the christmas
spirit generator running,
We may be able to punch a hole
through the gloom
Big enough to fly out.
- Then that's what we'll do.
All right, everyone.
Let's show them
what santa's workshop can do.
- All right!
- Propellers on the airplanes.
- [Laughs]
Yay!
- Eyes on the dolls.
- [Babbles]
- ♪ You better watch out
♪ You better not cry
- Go! Go! Go!
- ♪ Better not pout
♪ I'm telling you why
- Fill up the bag!
[Jack-in-the-box music]
Check your stockings!
♪
- [Sighs]
[Groans]
- Check your underwear.
- ♪ He's making a list
♪ He's checking it twice
- Made that in high school.
- This is fun.
- ♪ Santa claus
is coming to town ♪
♪ Santa claus
is coming to town ♪
- Basketball, clearly.
- ♪ Santa claus is coming
to town ♪
♪ He sees you
when you're sleeping ♪
♪ He knows when you're awake
♪ He knows when you've been
bad or good ♪
[All cheering]
♪ Oh
♪ You better watch out
♪ You better not cry
♪ You better not pout
♪ I'm telling you why
♪ Santa claus
is coming to town ♪
♪ Santa claus is coming
to town ♪
♪ Santa claus
is coming to town ♪
- Well done, everyone.
We did it.
Merry christmas.
Ho, ho, ho.
All right,
let's hook up the reindeer
And light this candle.
- Timmy, it's terrible! The reindeer are all gone.
- Who would do such a diabolical thing Like letting the reindeer escape?
Oh, sure. Blame the guy who did it. Did I tell you Blitzen is a biter?
- How are we gonna pull santa's sleigh without reindeer?
Nothing can leave once that gloom seals us in.
- Did somebody order reindeer?
- Whoa, amazing, guys.
Hey, let's hook her up.
- We got to move, timmy.
Look.
The window's closing.
- [Chuckles]
[Grunts]
Oh, this is fantastic.
Mother never let me
ride up front.
- Whoo-hoo!
- If you don't make it,
I just want you to know That you're the best temp santa we've ever had, timmy.
- Well, I couldn't have done it
without you guys.
Hey.
We should do this again
next year.
- You take shotgun, poof.
- Whoo-hoo!
- I'll drive this puppy.
- Timmy turner--
[Clears throat]
Timmy claus,
You are clear for takeoff.
[Elves cheering]
- Hang on.
- On, jorgen.
On, poof.
On, wanda.
On, cosmo.
- Here we go.
Both:
whoa!
All:
whoa!
- Whoa. Whoa!
Whoa!
Whoa!
- Whoo-hoo!
[All cheering]
- Whoo!
- Whoa!
- [Laughs]
That's how we fairies roll.
- Ho, ho, ho, guys.
Let's do this thing.
- [Grunting]
- [Laughs]
Whoo!
- Merry christmas!
Ho, ho, ho!
Merry christmas!
- Thank you, santa.
Yes.
- Yes!
Santa, you rock.
- [Gasps]
Both:
thank you, santa!
[Laughter]
Thud!
- Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
What a dream I had.
Ho, ho, ho.
Hello, everyone.
All:
merry christmas, santa!
- Ho, ho, ho, ho.
And merry christmas to you.
Wait.
Christmas?
Well, don't we still have
lots of work to do?
- All done.
[All cheering]
- I barely remember.
I must be getting old.
Let me put my suit on,
and I'll be right down.
[All cheering]
- So in essence,
It was I who had saved
everyone's lives
On the bridge of badness.
- [Coughs]
Your breath smells
like the butt of a reindeer.
Excuse me.
- Eh.
- [Grunts]
- Yes!
[Laughs]
- [Sputters]
[Whines]
- Sorry you didn't get off the naughty list.
But that doesn't mean we can't give you a gift.
- Oh.
Huh.
Oh.
It's my first
official christmas present.
[Sobs]
it's beautiful.
I love it.
[Laughs]
Thank you.
All right, just--
can you help?
[Grunts]
Yeah.
Eh.
Look, I'm a new man!
[Humming]
[Laughs]
- [Laughs]
- [Grunts]
- Denzel crocker.
Nice tie!
- Ah!
- Ho, ho, ho!
- [Giggles]
- whoo-hoo!
- [Giggles]
- whoo-hoo-hoo!
- And on behalf
of myself
And all of the elves,
I just want to thank you,
Wanda, cosmo, and poof.
You saved our lives
And helped save christmas
for everyone.
- All right,
can you finally tell us
What you guys have been
fighting about?
- I certainly can.
2,000 Years ago,
The fairies borrowed
our power drill
And never returned it.
- We did so.
We left it
on your back porch.
- Oh, yeah.
Now that you mention it,
I do remember that.
Whoops!
[Laughs]
- Oh, by the way,
it was broken when we got it.
- [Laughs]
That's it?
- Yeah.
But it's all better now.
I love elves!
[Giggles]
Mwah!
- Aw.
- Oh.
[Laughs]
- Oh.
- Merry christmas, tootie.
- Merry christmas, timmy.
- Hey.
Is that mistletoe?
- [Laughs]
- Ahem.
- Hmm?
- God bless us, everyone.
- No fairies were harmed
in the making of this movie.
- I got a paper cut.
- [Giggling]
- Oh, yes.
[Flatulence]
Yes! Ice cream!
Oh, merry christmas!
Category:Nickelodeon Movies Transcripts
Category:Transcripts