Welcome Back

Welcome Back is the seventy-seventh episode of Cult of Squid and the season eight premier. It released on April 18th, 2024 and was written by Locknloaded23 and Purple133.
==Plot==
Six months have passed since the war between Heaven and Hell broke out and while most of the fighting has happened in Hell, it’s begun spilling over onto Earth. Squidward leads a mission to rescue Brother Fate from Azryth's forces and keep him from getting his hands on a powerful weapon.
==Transcript==
(Episode starts with a shot outside the cephalopod lodge. Around it is fire and broken objects)
Narrator: Oh yes, isn’t this a familiar scene? This is when Squidward and his loyal Cultists had just successfully taken over Bikini Bottom, and planned to continue a war of expansion out to the rest of the sea. 
(Scenes flash of the Cult attacking Atlantis, and the Cult fighting the Komrades) 
Narrator: Sometimes they won, other times, they lost. And when they lost, they lost BIG. 
(Scenes flash of Squidward being sent to jail during the events of “Neptune Trials”, and Squidward being in prison immediately after the events of “Cult of War”)
Narrator: Those losses led to some…let’s just say some costly mistakes.
(The scene of Squidward summoning Satan and shaking his hand to make a deal flashes on screen, followed by the Cult trying to invade Hell, followed by Satan killing Neptune)
Narrator: They made some enemies that ended up being almost too much for them to handle.
(Scenes flash of Squidward fighting Satan and losing, the Cult attacking Phoenix Plaza and failing to defeat LRH, Squidward losing a fight to Jerry, and a couple scenes from “Skelfingin”)
Narrator: Sadly, they lost some friends along the way. 
(Scenes flash of the Initiator being smote by Satan, Patrick blowing himself up, and Security being blown up)
Narrator: Until somewhere along the way, the Cult that once ruled over Bikini Bottom came into contact with a foe that made them face the fact that they weren’t the heroes of their story. 
(The scene of LRH turning Bikini Bottom against the Cult flashes on screen, followed by multiple scenes of the Cult fighting Phoenix soldiers, followed by Squidward breaking LRH’s scepter)
Narrator: And despite being victorious, the once mighty “Brother” Squidward was forced to come to terms with the fact that all of his actions have consequences. 
(The narrator chuckles sinisterly)
Narrator: My name is Azryth, and I’m well aware of the fact that I’m not the hero of this story. But to put it simply? I just LOVE being the villain. 
(We cut to see Azryth flying through the air fighting off angels, taking most of them down without breaking a sweat as more swarm him and try to kill him)
Azryth: It’s been about six months since the war between Heaven and Hell started, and it’s about six hours until I win. Won’t you come along for the ride?
Angel 1: Who are you talking to?
Azryth: (looks directly at the viewer) oh, nobody…
(Azryth grins as it fades to the Lodge; Brother Squidward is in Crayons’ clinic, getting bandages applied)
Crayons: We got lucky this time, Squidward; that last fight was pretty brutal.
Squidward: I forgot how much of a chore dealing with demons was. 
Crayons: Well, we defeated them once, we can certainly do it again. We’re just a little out of practice is all.
(Crayons takes out a vaccine from his first aid kit)
Squidward: What’s that for?
Crayons: This’ll treat the internal bleeding.
Squidward: I’m bleeding internally?
Crayons: Those demons hit pretty hard, Squidward. This vaccine will help you recover.
Squidward: (Sighs) Just do what you gotta.
(Crayons injects the vaccine into Squidward’s arm and he screams in pain)
Squidward: GOD, THAT HURT!
(Crayons inspects Squidward’s wounds, then pats Squidward on the back)
Crayons: Next patient, please.
(Squidward exits Crayons’ clinic as Noseward walks into Crayons’ clinic)
Noseward: Hey, Crayons, this may seem odd, but have you seen Fate around? I asked him to track the God rock for me and I haven’t seen him in about a day. 
Crayons: No, I haven’t seen him since last week’s raid at Glove World. What's the God rock?
Noseward: When Squidward and I were reunited with Fate a couple months back, Raphael showed up and told us that if we found this really powerful rock that was supposedly touched by God himself, that we’d be able to defeat Azryth. 
Crayons: I dunno. A rock touched by God himself? I’m not sure I believe that.
Noseward: Crayons, no offense, but we’ve met demons, angels, Satan himself, beings from other universes, an entirely new demon, the works. And believing something created all that is where you draw the line? 
Crayons: I didn’t say I didn’t believe in a God. I’m just saying, it’s a weird concept that God blessed a rock of all things.
Noseward: Well, it wasn’t blessed by God, he just touched it. I think. I’m not entirely sure on that one! Raphael wasn’t clear, and then he left again. He seems to do that a lot. 
Crayons: It seems like he only ever comes to Earth to fight Azryth and leave a mess for us to clean up. 
Noseward: (quietly) I don’t want to say I think he’s a total d[dolphin noises]k but he sort of is. 
Crayons: Why did you whisper that, he isn’t here right-
(Raphael appears between the two in a flash of light)
Noseward: RAPHAEL! Hey, how’s Heaven? 
Raphael: Noseward, as an angel, I won’t get angry at you for what you said. I preach love, acceptance, and forgiveness. As a being with freewill, you’re also a d[dolphin noises]k. That out of the way, Fate’s in trouble. 
Noseward: What happened?
Raphael: Come with me, I’ll explain it to everyone. 
(We cut to the Lodge’s main hall, where three life sized gold statues of the Initiator, Patrick, and Security stand where the throne once was; Squidward, Noseward, Crayons, Buff Jim, Sister Yvonne, SpongeBob, Plankton, and Krabs are all sitting in folding chairs centered around Raphael)
Squidward: What’s this about Fate, Raphael? You haven’t visited in months, what’s so urgent that-
Raphael: Fate found the rock. 
Squidward: The- oh s[dolphin noises] really? He actually found it? 
Raphael: He did, but he’s in trouble. He found it in an abandoned antique store in Bikini Bottom, the owners must have known what it was because the place was fully warded against angels and demons alike. But Azryth’s forces are moving in on him quickly, we must go now and rescue him!
Squidward: You mean we’ve gotta go rescue him, right? 
Raphael: I’m sorry, but the warding-
Squidward: Yeah, yeah, we know. The warding, you can’t get near. Seems like you never can. 
Raphael: You better watch your tone, Squidward. 
(Raphael touches Squidward’s forehead)
Raphael: I just showed you where the building is, you’ll know the way there. Now don’t question me again, okay? 
(Raphael disappears in a flash of light)
Noseward: He’s such a prick. 
Squidward: Okay guys, we’re headed back into Bikini Bottom! Who wants to join the extraction team? 
Crayons: I should stay behind, I need to continue working with Plankton on his new mech suit. 
Plankton: It’s gonna be BETTER THAN EVER BEFORE.. 
Buff Jim: I need to catch up on sleep. 
Squidward: Buff Jim, we’re in the middle of a war. You want to sleep? Now?
Buff Jim: Listen Squidward, sometimes as a man, you just know when you need a good sleep. Plus, we’ve been working nonstop for 6 months, and I have barely had any breaks.
Squidward: Alrighty then! That means myself, Noseward, SpongeBob, Krabs, Sister Yvonne, and Scooter are going to go rescue Fate. Speaking of, where is Scooter?
(The main door blows open and a shadowy figure walks in holding the head of a demon; into the light steps Scooter, who is wearing black war armor with a red gem in the middle of it and an eyepatch on his right eye)
Squidward: Scooter?! How did you keep its head intact?
Scooter: Let’s just say I got the information I needed from him.
(Scooter throws the head into a nearby fireplace)
Squidward: Scooter, you’ve, uh, certainly changed.
Scooter: Squidward, you, uh, say that every time you see me. 
Squidward: I know, it’s just-
Scooter: So, I hear we’re going to save Fate? 
Squidward: We are. Raphael just gave us a message, he’s being kept at the old antique store downtown. The plan is to scout out the area and try to sneak in if possible. If that proves to be impossible, then we fight our way in. We need to get Fate and the rock out of there, and we need to go do it NOW. 
Scooter: So quit talking and let’s go!
(The group walks out of the Lodge to the garage of the building; an old Bikini Bottom city bus sits inside)
Crayons: Gentlemen, this is the Busmobile I’ve been modifying for several months.
Squidward: Have we actually tested this thing out? 
Crayons: No, but it’s gonna be pretty awesome. Go in and press some of the buttons, please! 
(Squidward enters the bus and sees a large control panel where a bus seat used to be)
Squidward: Okay Crayons, what do these buttons do? 
Crayons: Test them out! EXCEPT THE BIG RED BUTTON. DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES PRESS THAT ONE UNLESS EVERYONE IS INSIDE OF THE BUS AND YOU NEED TO TAKE OUT EVERYTHING IN A TEN MILE RADIUS.
Squidward: That was, uh, oddly specific, but thank you!
(Squidward presses a blue button and a water hose comes out of the side of the bus; Squidward grabs a level and moves the hose around, which begins shooting out water) 
Squidward: It’s just water? 
Crayons: HOLY water! 
Squidward: Oh sweet!
(Squidward pushes another button and a bunch of spikes with anti demonic symbols poke out of all sides of the bus)
Crayons: Those demons won’t even TRY to get near this thing. 
Squidward: Well, we’ve gotta go, is there anything else I should know about this “Busmobile”? 
Crayons: You’re gonna need one person to drive and one person to operate the toys. 
Krabs: Dibs on the TOYS. 
Yvonne: I’ll drive! 
Noseward: You’re sure about that? 
Yvonne: Yes? 
Noseward: But like, you’re suuuuuuuure about that? 
(Yvonne slaps Noseward)
SpongeBob: How about Noseward uses the periscope!
Noseward: But that’s so BORING. 
Squidward: Noseward, quit complaining and just man the periscope.
(Noseward grumbles as he sits on the periscope chair; Yvonne gets into the driver’s seat and Crayons hands her a key)
Crayons: Don’t, and I mean DON’T, lose this. 
(Crayons steps off the bus as it starts revving up and starts driving away; SpongeBob looks at Squidward, who is visibly nervous)
SpongeBob: What’s on your mind, Squidward? You look uneasy.
Squidward: Well, I dunno. I’m just anxious about what’s to come and who we might be fighting.
SpongeBob: You’re worried Azryth might be there? 
Squidward: I just hate that dude. He’s so… exhausting, in more ways than one.
SpongeBob: That’s a good way to put it. Let’s hope that we don’t run into him while we’re there!
Krabs: In an antique store? Unlikely.
(Fade to an abandoned antique store with Fate inside hiding behind the front desk; demons are pounding on the windows, and suddenly a clear voice cuts through all the noise)
Azryth: Come on out Fate, we can talk about this! 
Fate: You know why I can’t let you have this, right? You brute.
Azryth: Don’t make this harder than it has to be. If you give me the stone now, I will consider NOT killing you.
Fate: You can’t get in here, so you can’t get the stone. 
Azryth: And you’ll just what? Starve to death inside of this run-down store? You’d really do that for little old me? 
Fate: You’re deranged. 
Azryth: I am, and that’s the fun in it.
Fate: I’d rather die in here than let you take the stone!
Azryth: I’m going to get into this place one way or another, Fate. By hiding in there, you’re delaying the inevitable.
(Azryth pauses as he hears a vehicle in the distance)
Azryth: (Quietly) What the hell…
(Cut to the Busmobile driving down a street on the outskirts of town, a horde of demons comes into view as the vehicle nears the antique store. We see the inside of the bus, Noseward is looking through the periscope)
Noseward: There’s a LOT of demons out there! 
Yvonne: I can see that. Krabs, are you ready? 
Krabs: Yes ma’am! I was born to do this!
(Krabs pulls on a lever and pieces of metal shrapnel with anti-demon etchings begin shooting out at the demons)
Demon 1: What the-
(The demon gets cut all over by the pieces of shrapnel, each wound glowing red before the demon collapses to the ground in front of a few others; Azryth jumps behind cover)
Demon 2: GET THAT THING! 
(Four demons wearing armor charge at the busmobile and begin swinging all sorts of weapons at it)
Noseward: ARE THEY GONNA BREAK IN? 
Squidward: Noseward, chill out dude, Crayons said it himself, this thing is pretty much indestructible. 
(A sword pierces through the side of the vehicle)
Squidward: Okay, maybe we should go outside and take care of the problem ourselves! 
(Squidward opens the door and climbs onto the roof of the moving bus, SpongeBob and Scooter follow him up)
SpongeBob: What’s the plan? 
Scooter: KILL SOME DEMONS! 
(Scooter begins firing at the demons with bullets etched with the same symbols on the bus, each one hitting its target and causing their eyes to glow red before collapsing)
Squidward: You’ve got a nice aim dude! 
Scooter: Months of practicing headshots will do that to ya. 
(Scooter shoots another demon that jumped onto the bus directly through the head; the busmobile rams into the side of the antique store, but is repelled by the wall) 
Scooter: God damnit, have these fools never driven a bus before?
Squidward: What’s even on here that could be warded against? 
Noseward: (yelling from below) Probably me, if I had to guess! 
Squidward: What makes you think that? 
Noseward: ( Peaks out window) Well, we know that those angels have tampered with my essence for a while, maybe it made it so this anti-angel building just won’t let me in! 
Squidward: Okay, I can understand that, but why can’t the rest of us get in? 
Noseward: Perhaps it’s an aura or something? I mean, angels are pretty big. 
(Squidward and Scooter look to their side and see Azryth sinisterly march towards them; Scooter tries firing, but Azryth is unaffected)
Azryth: Good to see you again, old friends! 
(Azryth lifts his hand and Squidward, Scooter, and SpongeBob are lifted from the roof and brought directly in front of him) 
Azryth: What, nothing to say before I rip your heads off? 
SpongeBob: Not to you. 
Azryth: Oh me, oh my, I’m really quite offended! I haven’t seen you idiots in MONTHS and of course you decide to reappear just as I’m about to get the ONE THING that can make me UNSTOPPABLE. I’m done playing around. I am going to slaughter you three RIGHT HERE.
(Azryth kicks the ground and sends a wave of fire at the trio, which is repelled by a shield that emerges from the side of the bus)
Squidward: Looks like Krabs has got us covered in there! 
(Cut to inside the busmobile, Krabs is sitting in the corner and Noseward is sitting in the weapons control area)
Krabs: Why did you kick me out again? 
Noseward: Because they were going to get hit by a wave of fire, and you were going to counteract that with MORE FIRE. 
Krabs: It was a good idea and you know it!
(Suddenly, the bus begins shaking as we see Azryth lift it up with just one hand with fire in his eyes)
Azryth: BEFORE I KILL YOU, I NEED TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR LITTLE TOY!
(Azryth shoots a blast of energy at the busmobile, knocking it on its side; Yvonne, Noseward, and Krabs climb out through a window)
Azryth: Nice of you to join us! 
Noseward: You really talk too much. 
(Noseward grabs a blue flare gun and shoots it at Azryth, to no avail; Azryth laughs, then flicks his wrist upwards, causing them to drop next to Squidward, Scooter and SpongeBob)
Azryth: I guess now I get the pleasure of ending ALL OF YOU AT ONCE!
Squidward: Did you really think that was all we had planned? 
Azryth: What are you talking about? Wait a minute-
(Before Azryth can finish his sentence, a fleet of angels suddenly arrive in a flash of blue light) 
Azryth: DAMNIT! I HATE ANGELS!
Angel 1: Azryth, in the name of the LORD, we demand you and your forces surrender or feel the full wrath of Heaven! 
Azryth: Oh, oh, oh, I’m quaking in my boots over here! You seem to be misreading the situation my friend. I’m not the ant, you’re the ant. Goodbye!
(Azryth leaps toward the angel and begins to fight him; the angel tries to stab Azryth in the chest with a blade, but Azryth grabs the blade from his hands and stabs him in the leg with it)
Angel 1: Brothers, sisters, destroy him! 
(All of the angels run toward Azryth, who grabs the blade from the first angel’s leg and stabs it into his neck) 
Azryth: I usually like to play with my food. You guys are no fun. 
(We see Krabs, Noseward, and Yvonne get out of the busmobile and make their way to the side of the antique store where they bump into Squidward, SpongeBob, and Scooter; flashes of light and battle cries can be heard from around the corner as angels and demons are seen flying all around, engaged in battle)  
Krabs: Squidward! We found you!
Squidward: Keep it down! We can’t risk being heard.
Krabs: It’s like a damn warzone out there!
Squidward: It IS a damn warzone out there. I haven’t seen this much fighting since we defeated Satan! 
SpongeBob: So what’s the plan now? 
Squidward: Well, we have to get into the antique store, so I thought we’d go away from the fighting and enter through the side. 
SpongeBob: How do we get in if it’s warded? 
Squidward: It’s warded against angels and demons, not mortals. There’s probably a back entrance somewhere.
Noseward: Let’s find it and go get Fate and the rock then, I don’t want to be here for much longer. All this angel and demon business is the WORST. 
Yvonne: Guys I think it’s over here! 
(The camera shows that Yvonne is standing next to a green metal door in the red brick wall) 
Noseward: (walks to Yvonne) that would appear to be a door! Let’s get what we came for. 
(Yvonne kicks in the door, and everyone follows her into the antique store; once everyone’s inside, Squidward closes the door and Krabs moves a large display shelf in front of it) 
Squidward: That should keep the warding up. (looks around) Fate? Are you here? 
(The gang all look around the store, until a door opens in the darkened room, letting light in as Fate’s silhouette steps out)
Fate: Took you guys long enough. 
Squidward: Where were you? 
Fate: Hiding in the utility closet. I wasn’t sure how strong the warding was, so I went in there and painted some of my own just in case. 
Squidward: And the rock? 
Fate: (Pulls a cloth covered object out of his robes) I have it right here. I’m not going to take the cloth off, I fear that it could actually blind me if I do. 
Squidward: So how do we use it? 
Fate: Carefully. VERY carefully. I’ve spent MONTHS studying the legends of the North, and that coupled with some direction from Raphael led me to this very rock.
Squidward: So you’re saying this rock is from the North? 
Fate: I’m saying that there’s something really strange going on up there, just in general. 
Squidward: Well yeah, we knew that, we experienced it first hand. Anyways, we need to get back to the Lodge, now. 
Fate: Let’s go ahead then, we need to make it quick!
(A red smoke begins to cover the floor)
Squidward: What?! How?!
Fate: You guys must have broken the warding somehow! 
Squidward: (Sighs) Well, everyone get ready.
(Noseward grabs a nearby record player)
Squidward: What’s that going to do?
Noseward: It’s heavy, and I can throw it at him. 
(Azryth appears in the center of the room) 
Azryth: Hey, lady and gentlemen! I’ll be taking that rock now. 
(Azryth flies toward Fate and easily overpowers him; Fate throws the rock to Squidward)
Azryth: That was a mistake. 
(Azryth goes to slash his claws across Fate’s face, but SpongeBob stabs him in the back with a blade) 
Azryth: (Grunts in pain) you think that’s going to leave a mark?
(Azryth grabs SpongeBob and slams him to the ground, viciously slashing at him while laughing manically)
Squidward: NO!
(Squidward runs at Azryth and tries to tackle him, but gets thrown back as Azryth prepares to deliver a killing blow to SpongeBob; Squidward gets slashed at by Azryth, causing him to fall backwards)
Squidward: I’m not going to let anyone else I care about die! EVERYONE CLOSE YOUR EYES! 
(Squidward pulls the cloth off of the rock, causing the room to be illuminated)
Azryth: What the-
Squidward: Fate, what do I do now!?
Fate: Channel the energy toward your target!
(Squidward closes his eyes even harder and suddenly a beam of pure light fires from the rock, hitting Azryth directly in the chest causing him to start imploding)
Azryth: Not like this! Anything but this- 
(As Azryth’s body continues to shrink and fold in on itself, his face changes into that of another demon as his body morphs into a small impish demon. The rock stops glowing) 
Squidward: Wait, that wasn’t Azryth. That was just a random demon! 
Fate: So did we just… waste the rock’s power? 
Squidward: I think we did. F[dolphin noises]ng hell, Azryth set us up!.
Yvonne: Hey guys, you might want to take a look at this.
(Yvonne points to the front windows of the store and there aren’t any visible angels or demons)
Squidward: They’re… Gone?
Krabs: This has bad news written all over it.
Squidward: Let’s go find out what happened! 
(Squidward leads everyone outside, where they see dozens of dead angels with imprints of their wings burned into the ground; only a couple of demons lay beside them, and a strange blue residue is seen around the battlefield)
Noseward: Is that what I think it is? 
Fate: The angels, he… he absorbed their grace. 
SpongeBob: Their what? 
Fate: Their angelic grace. All of the angels have it, it’s what gives them their power. I think that Azryth took ALL of it from these poor angels. 
Krabs: But that means that-
Fate: Azryth’s becoming unstoppable. 
(The episode ends with dramatic music playing as the camera pans out and then fades to black before suddenly fading back in on Azryth walking down a flight of castle stairs floating in a black void; he reaches the bottom of the stairs and stands in front of a cage, before a voice calls out to him) 
Voice: Why are you here? 
Azryth: I need your strength. 
Voice: Of course you’d be stupid enough to ask me to help you after the storm you’ve caused. 
Azryth: I need your strength, but I don’t need you to remember it. 
Voice: Honestly, what do you think you’re going to do to me? You’re just a lowly demon who got hungry, you’re nothing compared to my POWER. 
Azryth: Yeah. 
(Azryth walks up to the cage and the camera pans out to reveal a figure standing in the cage, then it zooms in behind his back) 
Voice: What, is that supposed to scare me? You’ve never been good at the intimidation part. You’re a fool to think that-
(Azryth shoots a blast of energy at the figure, then opens the cage and walks in, continuing to concentrate the ray at him)
Voice: (strained) how are you…
Azryth: You could say I’ve been “drinking the juice”. 
Voice: I hate (strained) you… 
(The figure falls to his knees in pain; Azryth walks up to him and siphons energy back into his body) 
Azryth: Funny, isn’t it? The Cult began with you, and now they’ve moved onto me!
Voice: I’m going to kill you. 
Azryth: Goodnight, Satan. 
(The camera shows Satan fall to the ground, then cuts to black)
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