Kermitity War

==prologue==
once upon a time there was a big jewelery. it was pretty cool, then everyone found out it was OP and fought over it. eventually everyone just kinda died and some old nerds decided that was bad, so they retconned the entire war and split it into 7 jeweleries but the original jewelery was still there because it just was, idk why. 
this is the story of one frog's quest for ALL the jewelery.
meanwhile a while after that...
Kermit: oh boy i'm going to go on vacation because i like vacations
meanwhile somewhere else!
Constantine: haha look at me i stole this jewelery offscreen i am so evil
constantine dabs
==CHAPTER 1: the dojo fight==
Sensei: hello everyone thank you for coming, we are going to pvp to save my jewelery now.
Constantine: not if i have anything to say about it, give me all your jeweleries!!!!!
Sensei: "no"
Constantine: oh
then sensei chickened out and left all the other ninjas to fight him.
Constantine: boom lasers
Hat Pop: oh no lasers
constantine lasers all the ninjas except for hat pop
Constantine: where are you hiding the magic jewelery??????
Hat Pop: idk lol
they fight some more, constantine eventually wins with the power of lasers and finds sensei's secret jewelery box
Hat Pop: dangit
Constantine: oh boy jewelery
constantine opens the jewelery box but finds a note from sensei that says "this isn't the real jewelery box NERD -sensei"
Sensei: haha i got you lol
sensei dabs, he had the real jewelery the whole time!!!
Constantine: haha lasers
Sensei: you can't laser me i'm OP
Constantine: we'll see about that
constantine and sensei have an epic battle with lasers and elements. constantine wins btw
Constantine: yay jewelery
Sensei: oops
Constantine: now i'm gonna nuke the dojo lol
Sensei: wait no
constantine nukes the dojo
Sensei: :(
==CHAPTER 2: stuff happens==
The Ed: hello everyone we are gathered here today for the funeral of the meme machine
Penguin: when do we get free food
The Ed: shut up this is serious :(
i don't want to write anymore dialogue for this scene so i'm skipping to the important part now
Detective Focci: i'm not-batman, what did you know about the meme machine
The Ed: funny zamboni
Detective Focci: cool but why did you like it so much
The Ed: funny zamboni
Detective Focci: ok but did you know what powered it
The Ed: funny zamboni
Detective Focci: that was very helpful thank you for your time
meanwhile some supernerds are hanging out with the masters of the freaking universe!
Mayor McFlapp: where are my cheez-its
Director Benny: i hid them lol
Mayor McFlapp: benny you flippin nerd i'll shave you bald and make a throw pillow out of your fur bally wot
Tails: i can't believe constantine stole sensei's magic jewelery
Speeddasher: something edgy here
Star kirby: we should've helped
Explorer: we couldn't we weren't in the script
everyone looks at mickey mouse. mickey mouse is the new author btw because billybob left and then spike hike was the author and then he left and they never told us who took over so it's just mickey now.
Mickey Mouse: ...what
Tails: anyway he probably wants all the jewelery to activate super mode right
Star kirby: of course there's literally no other options
a laugh track plays because the audience knows there are other options
Eclipse: we should protect our jewelery
Mayor McFlapp: ok have fun, go buy me some more cheez-its while you're at it bally wot
tails and eclipse leave to go home and protect the jewelery
Constantine: hippity hoppity your jewelery is now my property
Tails: "no"
Constantine: you can't just say ""no""
Tails: "no"
Constantine: >:(
constantine shoots lasers and matter (his new power from sensei's jewelery) at tails, tails is too fast for him because he's a sonic reference!
Tails: you're too slow!
laugh track plays because that was a sonic hedgehog joke
constantine keeps chasing tails but tails is too fast, constantine uses his jewelery and now they are basically even speed. they keep running in circles while eclipse watches and records it on her phone to upload to waddletube later.
Speeddasher: did someone order an edge????
all of the other supernerds appear
Constantine: oh no
Explorer: we read the script and found out you were going to fight constantine here, by the way look i brought my anime robot
Explorer Pie Tank: hi i am his anime robot
Constantine: i hate your anime robot
constantine lasers the anime robot and it dies. everyone fights constantine but tails eventually trips on a rock and drops his jewelery.
Constantine: a fine addition to my collection
Tails: :(
Constantine: git gud nerds
constantine dabs and leaves before anyone can catch him
Star kirby: wow i didn't know the jewelery had those powers
==CHAPTER 3: just dialogue==
Constantine: look at all this cool new jewelery
Sanity Penguin: i like hacks
Mark Yslenski: i like magic
Isai: i like politics
Forj: i like weapons
Constantine: good job now we've established all your relevant character traits
Murphy: sup nerds
Constantine: hi murphy how's the entropy business
Murphy: just wanted to come tell you that you should do some exposition so the audience knows your goals
Constantine: oh ok, i'm gonna snap kermit once i get all the jewelery lol
Murphy: cool thanks
meanwhile back with the bureau
Mayor McFlapp: bally wot did you bring my cheez-its
Speeddasher: shut up old man
Tails: i can't believe constantine collected three jeweleries already
Explorer: we should tell everyone and make them panic
Star kirby: that's a bad idea
Explorer: ok :(
suddenly!!!!!
Detective Focci: i'm not-batman
The Ed: i'm ed
Mayor McFlapp: did you bring the cheez-its??????
Detective Focci: what no
Mayor McFlapp: fine i'll go eat pringles instead
Director Benny: i hid the pringles too lol
Mayor McFlapp: FLIPPIN FLIPPITY FLIP FLIPS ON A FLIP
mcflapp and benny get into a fist fight in the background, except mcflapp has wings and benny doesn't even have hands so idk how that works, you can figure it out yourself
Tails: so how are we supposed to beat constantine before he gets more jewelery
Star kirby: idk kermit always does that but he's on vacation and nobody knows where he is
Tails: frick
Detective Focci: hey sonic reference you should go see dr. IQ to figure out constantine's powers
Tails: no he has bad breath :(
Speeddasher: and he sucks as a person
Detective Focci: too bad it's already in the script
Tails: dangit
Explorer: i don't wanna do that i'm going with ed to the epf briefing
The Ed: how did you know there was going to be an epf briefing
Explorer: magic
ed and explorer head off to the epf briefing while tails, speeddasher, and focci go to see dr. IQ
Star kirby: wait what am i supposed to do
Mickey Mouse: oops i forgot to write your part in the script lol, idk go buy mcflapp more snacks before he kills benny
Star kirby: :(
==CHAPTER 4: constantine collects more jewelery==
Tails: dr. IQ we've come to talk to you i guess
Dr. IQ: shut up i'm trying to watch my favorite show richard and mortimer
detective focci fires his foccipoon at the tv, there's no time to duck!
Dr. IQ: rude
Detective Focci: constantine is stealing all the magic jewelery and using it to get new powers, we know you studied them when you were an intern at the jewelery store
Dr. IQ: yeah i did
Speeddasher: you have to help us now furball
Dr. IQ: cool what's in it for me
Tails: we'll give your research back
Dr. IQ: i also want a full pardon and a mcdoodle's gift card
Tails: no lol
Dr. IQ: ok fine, btw i think all the jewelery has their own powers but idk how to unlock it lol maybe the master jewelery
Tails: frick we never checked on the master jewelery after we fought constantine
meanwhile with the jedis!!! wow!
penquino: we are training
Constantine: it's-a me, constantine!
everyone turns on their keysabers
Constantine: give me the jewelery
Penquino: "no"
Constantine: are you threatening me master jedi?????
Penquino: the senate will decide your fate
Constantine: i AM the senate
Penquino: not yet
Constantine: it's treason, then... OOOOOOOOOOOOOAGH
constantine spins at the jedi and they start fighting. but more on that later we get to go back to the agents now.
The Ed: ok so, constantine has three of the magic jeweleries now but we may or may not have dr. IQ's research now so that's cool.
Aunt Arctic: nice
Explorer: why is the newspaper lady here
Aunt Arctic: ...brb
aunt arctic takes off her glasses and puts on her sunglasses
The Director: hi i'm the director
Explorer: oh hi director
The Director: anyway we're contacting other nerds to help us find kermit so he can stop constantine
Explorer: btw can you fix my anime robot
Gary: idk maybe lol
The Director: now go away, we're busy
ed and explorer leave and the director and gary return to their very important find four match
The Director: do you think he'll try to steal our jewelery
Gary: idk maybe lol
meanwhile back with the jedis
Penquino: it's over constantine, i have the high ground
Constantine: you underestimate my power!!!
Penquino: don't try it
suddenly all the other jedis appear and do a mind trick.
All the Jedis: you want to take off the jewelery glove
Constantine: no i don't
All the Jedis: yes you do
Constantine: oh no i kind of want to now
constantine almost takes the glove off but suddenly none of them can talk and sanity appears
Sanity Penguin: haha i turned off your vocal cords take that nerds
Constantine: you were watching this whole time????
Sanity Penguin: yeah its funny
all the jedis run away
Constantine: lol chickens
Alexis Strugenhoff: we are not chickens, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
alexis runs toward constantine with her keysaber but constantine uses his jewelery to freeze her in the air like kylo ren does in rogue one
Penquino: oh no
Constantine: haha give me the jewelery or your intern gets it
Penquino: fine
penquino throws the jewelery at constantine and he drops alexis on the floor
Penquino: the jewelery is angry btw
Constantine: idc lol
constantine puts the jewelery in his glove and suddenly he falls over
Constantine: oh no the jewelery is angry :(
Sanity Penguin: oops that's probably bad
sanity uses /home to teleport himself and constantine back to base
==CHAPTER 5: remember to title later==
Prof. Prepostera: hey chill get in here you nerd someone ate all the jelly donuts
Chill: WHAT
Prof. Prepostera: jk i lied to get you in here
Chill: rude
Prof. Prepostera: lmgt just issued a national search to find kermit
Chill: why does he want his autograph
Prof. Prepostera: no constantine is collecting magic jewelery and getting OP
Chill: oh no, quick send all our nerds
chill leaves to look for kermit, and by look i mean wander around and see if he sees him or something. he happens to walk past mario's house and decides to leave sticky notes on his door.
Mario: stop leaving sticky notes on my door
Chill: but it's funny, btw can you use your dimension memes to find kermit
Mario: i'm not going to use my gear to help you get another one of kermit's autographs again
Chill: this is serious kermit is missing and we need him to defeat constantine :(
Mario: the SIA can probably do that i guess
Chill: but constantine is collecting jewelery and that's bad i guess because he'll win the fashion show
Mario: wat
SOMEBODY ONCE TOLD ME THE WORLD IS GONNA ROLL ME, I AIN'T-
Chill: hello there
Penquino: hey chill constantine just dabbed on the jedi temple yesterday just wanted to let you know
Chill: frick
Mario: now what
Chill: constantine dabbed on the jedi temple
Mario: oh crap he really is OP
mario uses his hopper powers to teleport himself and chill to the jedi temple.
Penquino: oh hi guys
LMGT: sup doods
Mario: wow this is bad ok i guess i'll help
LMGT: btw do you have any donuts
Mario: wait a minute i have a jewelery
meanwhile at the MASTER JEWELERY!!!
Detective Focci: yep... it's fake
Tails: dangit how did he steal it
Speeddasher: idk trip on any other rocks lately
Tails: :(
meanwhile with constantine
Constantine: i'm taking a nap you nerds figure this out lol
Isai: guys the epf is looking for kermit that's bad right????
Sanity Penguin: go away
sanity teleports isai into a different room because he's annoying
Forj: sup nerds, why did the anti-masters call me i was busy playing blockcraft
Constantine: the jewelery is angry now so i can't wear the glove, fix it :(
Forj: ok
Constantine: and hurry up the epf is looking for kermit
Murphy: hey nerds just wanted to mention you're probably too OP for kermit now
Constantine: nvm take all the time you want lol, btw anyone want to go out for ice cream before i collect more jewelery
Isai: yay ice cream!!!
Constantine: i didn't invite you
Isai: :(
meanwhile with chill island again
Mario: see look jewelery
Chill: welp what do we do now
LMGT: you should give it to the SIA
Chill: that's a good idea
Mario: i don't wanna, it'll be fine in my backpack dimension :(
Chill: that's a good idea
LMGT: i guess but if we can study it maybe we can track constantine or something
Chill: that's a good idea
Penquino: also constantine will probably dab on you if you keep it there tbh
Chill: he's probably right
Mario: okay fine you can study it but i'm keeping it in my backpack dimension when you're not
Chill: that's a good idea
LMGT: cool now that that's settled we should all get donuts
Chill: that's a good idea
meanwhile with the epf again
Dr. IQ: oh boy my old filing cabinet it still smells like science
Star kirby: just figure out the things smh
Explorer: hey we're having a meeting you should come
Tails: hi we're video calling in, constantine stole the master jewelery too
Star kirby: what's with this guy and jewelery smh
The Director: anyway we have jewelery safe in the top secret epf vault where constantine won't find it so lol
Gary: we're telling you this now in case things go down the toilet later
Tails: oh
Explorer: so how about my anime robot
Gary: we have more important things to worry about than your anime robot
Explorer: :(
The Director: we're still looking for kermit, turns out trying to find a guy who sells billions of moneys a year in merchandise of himself is hard
Explorer: btw what if we get the elemental amulet nerds to stop constantine
Speeddasher: no i hate them
Tails: too bad let's do it
Gary: ok good thing i have a convenient database of them
==CHAPTER 6: return to the jewelery hunt==
Forj: ok i fixed your glove here you go
Constantine: yay now i can collect more jewelery
constantine puts on the glove
Constantine: oh boy my spider sense is tingling
meanwhile back on chill island again again
Constantine: ravioli ravioli give me the jeweleroli
Mario: "no"
mario dabs and runs away
Constantine: i hate this running gag
constantine chases mario around chill island and encounters a bunch of chill island cameos along the way trying to stop him
Constantine: stupid techno music
constantine uses the jewelery to temporarily eat mario's hopper powers and jumps to his backpack dimension where he steals the jewelery. constantine puts it in his glove and default dances on everyone before teleporting away.
Mario: rude
meanwhile with the epf again
LMGT: yeah constantine only needs to collect two jeweleries now
The Director: welp
Tails: quick find the amulets faster!!!!!
Speeddasher: no, edgy statement about protecting the epf's jewelery
Tails: ok you do that i'm gonna go find amulets lol
meanwhile outside
Constantine: it's a great day to steal jewelery
PSA: "no"
PSA pushes a button and now the jewelery is nerfed
Constantine: wait what
suddenly the entire freaking epf teleports in and a bunch of ninjas appear and everyone fights and it's cool. constantine deletes the nerf but they use a backup device that destroys the glove entirely.
Constantine: welp i've been dabbed on
PSA: wait a minute, that's not constantine, it's a life-sized kermit plush
Speeddasher: hey guys i got dabbed on and constantine got the jewelery
The Director: well that sucks
suddenly the director's phone rings with actually good news
LMGT: hey we found kermit he was on chill island the whole time lol
The Director: ayyyy
a few whiles later
Kermit: hi-ho it's me
The Director: ok but tbh i think we're screwed
Kermit: that's pessimistic
Gary: but we have no clue where the last jewelery is
Kermit: don't worry, if we don't constantine won't either :D
The Director: but constantine found all the other ones, he probably has a copy of the script
Kermit: oh no
The Director: the protectors have been collecting the amulets but ehhhh
Kermit: ok i'm gonna come up with my own master plan then
meanwhile in a film studio somewhere, constantine finds a mystery box
Constantine: wow free jewelery
constantine opens the box but it's empty
Jar Jar Binks: "no"
Constantine: oh no i've been mystery boxed
Jar Jar Binks: itsa what you think yousa getting versus what yousa actually getting!
Constantine: give me the jewelery!!! >:(
Jar Jar Binks: meesa don't have the jewelery, the jewelery is in a big bombad secret location! i haven't even decided where it is yet!
constantine uses the jewelery to teleport into the future whenever jar jar finally decided what the secret location it was and arrives at comic and parchment overstory's house.
comic overstory: hey kiddo, haven't seen you around here before
Constantine: give me your jewelery dangit i need to complete the collection
expecting a cool final showdown between constantine and san- i mean comic???
comic overstory: ok, i can't be bothered to fight for it
subverted expectations
Constantine: yay now i have ALL the jewelery >:D
constantine puts the last jewelery in his glove and gets an achievement for 500 gamer score. now it's time for him to dab on kermit.
==CHAPTER 8: the final showdown==
if you're wondering what happened to chapter 7 it was just constantine getting a film crew and securing some timeslots to air his defeat of kermit on live tv, it was boring so i skipped it. now constantine arrives on chill island where kermit is waiting.
Constantine: haha kermit i have collected all the jewelery, now you will die. but we don't have time to talk about that now, first i need to drink this orange juice.
constantine drinks a glass of orange juice
Constantine: not bad
constantine snaps all orange juice from existence, idk what i'm gonna have with breakfast tomorrow now :(
Constantine: ok everyone now i'm gonna snap kermit from existence it's gonna be great so make sure you're watching!!!
suddenly constantine gets splashed by all the element amulets and the protectors and detective focci appear.
Constantine: that attack sucked lol
Sanity Penguin: those suck, i'm gonna turn them off now
Tails: oops
Constantine: anyone else wanna try to pvp me
everyone looks at each other but constantine is too OP when SUDDENLY
Dennis the Oppressive: CANNOLEEEEEEEEAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
dennis comes out of nowhere and slices constantine in half with his keysaber then takes the jewelery for himself.
Dennis the Oppressive: hahaha now you will all bow to ME as the true ruler of antarctica!
dennis tries to use the jewelery to spawn in some cannoli but it was all just an illusion by constantine because he thought it would be funny, then constantine dabs on dennis with the jewelery.
Constantine: lol bad, ok i'm gonna snap you now, bye kermit
constantine snaps, suddenly the glove explodes in his face and falls to the ground
Constantine: what the grub
Isai: haha i have betrayed you!!!!
isai takes the jewelery for himself
Isai: now i will ruin everything for everyone ever and no one can stop me!!!
isai snaps and disappears, heading through time to ruin everything for everyone ever. unfortunately for him he's bad at time travel and reappears a few seconds later and accidentally drops the jewelery which is picked up by dr. IQ.
Dr. IQ: haha bad, nice try nerd but i have five gazillion IQ
dr. IQ snaps isai away, now everyone starts pvping IQ. it's a really cool fight scene that you can imagine in your head if you want because i don't want to write it. anyway IQ freaking dies and kermit takes the jewelery.
Kermit: this is some nice jewelery
kermit snaps and retcons everything constantine screwed up and everyone has a party. unfortunately mayor mcflapp never got his cheez-its and director benny continued trolling him by hiding all the snacks in the bureau. the end.
----
Scrubbypingu: this story had a lot of effort put into it
Random Penguin: no it didn't...
Scrubbypingu: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
scrubbypingu ran away, because there were facts.
Category:Stories