Let Spirits Ride

Let Spirits Ride is the thirty-third episode and finale of season four of Cult of Squid. It aired June 7th, 2020 and was written by Locknloaded23, PrimitiveSponge129, and Purple133.
== vPlot ==
The stakes are higher than ever before in the season four finale of Cult of Squid - the cult confronts Satan and his army and an epic battle ensues.
== Transcript ==
Previously on Cult of Squid… *Let Spirits Ride by Black Mountain begins to play*
'''
Squidward: Well um Mr. Satan sir, I was wondering if you could send us back to replace our past selves when the cult took over so we can reign again.
'''
Satan: Sure thing. Just know time travel tends to piss off some pretty nasty people.
'''
Squidward: Whatever, we want control again. 
'''
Satan: Fine, you’re doing this at your own risk.
'''
…
'''
SpongeBob: Hi Squidward!
'''
Squidward: Ah yes, now I remember how this day goes.
'''
…
'''
Noseward: (sleep talking) why is everything burning?
'''
Security: Uh Noseward, I just came to wake you up, why are you talking in your sleep again?
'''
Noseward: No idea. I had this weird dream right? The cult was out of power and also on fire, and you were there.
'''
…
'''
Squidward: So uh Security remember how I told you about that time I lived an entirely different life but then struck a deal with Satan and got the cult back in control?
'''
Security: Uh vaguely, why sir? 
'''
Noseward: I’ve been seeing it in my dreams. 
'''
Security: Yeah, yeah.
'''
Squidward: Ah, how very odd. Do we know why?
'''
Noseward: No idea. 
'''
…
'''
Noseward: Huh? Where am I?
'''
Candy Muffin: THE DREAM REALM!
'''
Noseward: OH GOD NO
'''
Candy Muffin: No I’m just kidding. This is your “vision” of sorts.
'''
Noseward: What does it mean?
'''
Candy Muffin: The hell if I know.
'''
…
'''
Noseward: Hello? Oh my it’s quite chilly here. 
'''
Voice: Noseward, heed this warning. Forty nine days hath you to
'''
Noseward: No. I’m not going to get a prophecy to deliver. I’m waking up!
'''
Voice: NO IT’S REALLY IMPORTANT!
'''
…
'''
Voice: Noseward, heed this warning. 21 days hath you to prepare for what’s to come.
'''
Noseward: What’s to come?
'''
Voice: The war.
'''
Noseward: Oh no not another war. You know what I’m crazy I keep having these stupid visions and I don’t even know if they’re real. I’m leaving.
'''
…
'''
Buff Jim: We almost there?
'''
Squidward: I think that’s it.
'''
(Squidward points to a trapdoor surrounded by a ring of golden skulls and lava shooting out around it)
'''
Security: Yeah I’m also pretty sure that’s it.
'''
Yvonne: Squidward this seems to be a very impulsive decision. Why take hell?
'''
Squidward: We’ll have ground in two dimensions. Plus if we take hell and throw Satan out of power then we have legions of demons to command.
'''
…
'''
Squidward: Oh piss. We didn’t even get past the door!
'''
Brother Abortion: It’s okay we made it to the front of the door.
'''
(Satan emerges)
'''
Satan: Squidward! I helped you get back in power and this is the thanks I get?
'''
…
'''
Satan: I'm not going to stop. You are an insolent fool for thinking you could come and take MY territory. 
'''
Squidward: So what are you gonna do?
'''
Satan: Over the coming months, you will be punished for your actions. You have to pay penance. Now leave this place.
'''
…
'''
Squidward: I could have sworn I've been in this exact instance before. Almost like… the days are repeating!
'''
…
'''
(Doctor Crayons can be heard shouting from his lab)
'''
Squidward: That sounded like Dr. C! 
'''
(They run inside his lab only to see Dr Crayons is dancing in place)
'''
…
'''
Adoraxa: You do know how powerful demons are, right Squidward? 
'''
(A couple more cult members attack Adoraxa but get slammed against the ground and shot back against the wall)
'''
Adoraxa: Summon me again when you’re actually going to put up a fight, this is just boring.
'''
…
'''
Candy Muffin: I know. Anyways you have three days.
'''
Noseward: Until what?
'''
Candy Muffin: The war is in three days.
'''
Noseward: Piss.
'''
…
'''
Squidward: Well guys it looks like the final battle is about to begin. EVERYBODY GET DOWN NOW!
'''
(Sandy rushes to try and put up a barrier around the treedome but the glass shatters and a bunch of fish start getting sucked up into the demon storm)
'''
Squidward: Oh my god!
'''
Sandy: NO!
'''
(Sandy grabs a demon killing gun and starts firing at demons but the bullets start deflecting back and raining down onto everybody still alive in the Treedome)
'''
SpongeBob: RUN!
'''
…
'''
Noseward: I thought we had three days!
'''
Satan: Kid listen, I’m the DEVIL. I LIED.
'''
…
'''
Squidward: Hey, I thought we had a deal! I got my second chance and you wouldn’t kill me!
'''
Satan: What kind of deal is that? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Now let’s play a game I like to call “who dies first by fire sword?”. Any volunteers? No? Okay. SQUIDWARD! LOOKS LIKE YOU’RE TODAY’S LUCKY CONTESTANT!
'''
…
'''
(Episode begins exactly where last episode left off)
'''
Squidward: WAIT! 
'''
Satan: What do you want? I'm in the middle of killing you!
'''
Squidward: WELL I think maybe you should spare me!
'''
Satan: Why?
'''
Squidward: Think about it this way. You kill me and I’m stuck in hell forever.
'''
Satan: I thought you were trying to convince me not to kill you.
'''
Sandy: Y'all devils better not destroy my tree! This old girl has survived everything, even the takeover of the cult! 
'''
Satan: This tree?
'''
(Satan knocks over the tree)
'''
Sandy: Squidward do you think shooting demon killing bullets at the devil will get me a spot in heaven?
'''
Squidward: Yeah I think so-
'''
(Suddenly, Satan unleashes a huge wave of fire which burns Sandy's tail off)
'''
Squidward: Sandy, your tail!
'''
Sandy: (starts breathing heavily) DONT…
YOU…. MESS WITH… MY TAIL!(starts turning into a were-squirrel) I WILL KILL YOU!
'''
Satan: what the hell?
'''
(Sandy starts rapidly shooting anti-devil bullets at Satan causing him to scream in pain)
'''
Satan: ENOUGH! (blasts Sandy into her tree, knocking her out) I'VE PUT UP WITH YOUR BULL[Dolphin Noise] FOR TOO LONG NOW!
'''
Squidward: Sandy! Sandy! (Waves hand over her face) Sandy, wake up Sandy!
'''
Sandy: (talking in her sleep) Texas is not dumb…
'''
Noseward: SANDY! WAKE UP! SANDY!
'''
Satan: I WILL ENJOY TORTURING YOU ALL IN THE DEEPEST DARKEST PITS OF THE FIERY PITS OF HELL! 
'''
Noseward: SHOOT HIM! FOR THE LOVE OF NEPTUNE, SHOOT HIM!
'''
Squidward: (grabs a gun) TAKE THIS, SATAN! (starts firing but realises he grabbed Sandy's nut shooter by accident. The nuts do not affect Satan at all) WHERE ARE THE GUNS?
'''
Sandy: Oh, the demons already destroyed them all.
'''
(Squidward sees a pile of destroyed guns)
'''
Squidward: Well people, we’re gonna die. Hope you like fire.
'''
Noseward: I do love fire.
'''
Satan: PREPARE TO DIE! 
'''
Sandy: QUICK! RUN FOR IT!
'''
(they all run outside the treedome right as Satan unleashes a wave of fire)
'''
Satan: HEY, HOLD STILL!
'''
Squidward: No!
'''
(Squidward sprints and everybody left follows)
'''
Satan: GET THEM!
'''
(The ground cracks open and even more demons fly out, all forming a rapidly growing cloud)
'''
Squidward: WATCH OUT!
'''
(they all duck right as a Demon tries to attack them)
'''
Noseward: WE WILL NEVER MAKE IT BACK TO THE LODGE!
'''
Squidward: WE CAN STILL MAKE IT!
'''
Sandy: WE NEED A DISTRACTION!
'''
Squidward: (rummages through his pocket, finds 2 bombs) how long have these been here? (Examines them, notices a note attached saying "DO NOT DETONATE UNTIL 6/17/18") oh. What did I need these for? And why did I keep them? And why-
'''
Noseward: SHUT UP AND THROW THEM!
'''
Squidward: Yeah okay. 
'''
(Squidward throws the bombs at Satan and his demonic army)
'''
Satan: YAAAH! I DIDN'T THINK YOU'D THROW BOMBS!
'''
Noseward: what was gonna happen on 6/17/18 anyway?
'''
Squidward: I can't remember.
'''
Noseward: Great.
'''
Satan: OKAY YOU’RE DEAD!
'''
Squidward: RUN!!!
'''
(The group runs as fast as they can but Patrick trips)
'''
Patrick: Aw man-
'''
(Patrick gets sucked into the demon cloud)
'''
SpongeBob: PATRICK!
'''
Sandy: SpongeBob keep moving!
'''
SpongeBob: But Patrick!
'''
(SpongeBob slows down and gets sucked into the demon cloud)
'''
Sandy: NO!
'''
Squidward: Oh my god. Are they gone?
'''
Sandy: Satan won’t kill them, he’ll probably use them.
'''
Squidward: Oh great, more possessions. 
'''
Noseward: Is now a good time to tell you guys I can see the lodge?
'''
Squidward: Not at all. We ran that far?
'''
Noseward: Yeah, it actually wasn’t that bad.
'''
Squidward: WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE LOST SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK!
'''
Noseward: Well yeah that’s bad but-
'''
Sandy: Uh guys-
'''
(Sandy gets sucked into the demon cloud)
'''
Squidward: OH NO!
'''
(Squidward and Noseward sprint into the lodge and see Buff Jim and Security leading a bunch of cult members to the entrance)  
'''
Buff Jim: What’s going on out there?
'''
Squidward: Satan is leading a demon cloud toward the lodge.
'''
Buff Jim: Oh great. Do we have enough sigils painted?
'''
Squidward: Not for that.
'''
Buff Jim: So what do we do Brother Squidward?
'''
Squidward: I don’t know, pray?
'''
Mr. Krabs: We’re doomed.
'''
(As the demon cloud emerges from behind a hill the cultists shut the door and begin placing things in front of it)
'''
Doctor Crayons: (from his lab) hey did you guys get the bullets?
'''
Noseward: I got a couple in my pocket here, should be enough for one blade.
'''
Doctor Crayons: Let me make that fast.
'''
Squidward: Hey wait Noseward was there anything in your dreams that could be of use now?
'''
Noseward: No-hey wait, a candy muffin always appeared.
'''
Squidward: What type of candy was the muffin?
'''
Noseward: No clue but I could have sworn there was always salt on the floor.
'''
Plankton: salt on a candy muffin?
'''
Squidward: That’s it! Doesn't salt protect against demons and spirits?
'''
Plankton: That’s what my book said!
'''
Squidward: And you’re just telling us this now?
'''
Plankton: You never brought it up!
'''
Mr. Krabs: Hey Squidward where are SpongeBob and Patrick? 
'''
Squidward: They got sucked away into the demon cloud along with Sandy.
'''
Mr. Krabs: Are they alive?
'''
Squidward: No idea.
'''
Mr. Krabs: Dammit.
'''
Squidward: GUYS GO GET SALT I HEAR THE STORM!
'''
Satan: (From outside) OH SQUIDWARD! COME OUT COME OUT WHEREVER YOU ARE!
'''
Squidward: (whispering) maybe if we whisper he won't be able to hear us.
'''
Plankton: (shouting) WHAT?
'''
(Satan suddenly appears exactly where they are)
'''
Squidward: nice going, genius.
'''
Plankton: that was uncalled for!
'''
Satan: Here’s what I’m going to do. I’m not going to kill you, I’ll give some of my demons that pleasure.
'''
(Possessed versions of SpongeBob, Patrick, and Sandy enter)
'''
Sandy: KILL. SQUIDWARD.
'''
SpongeBob: KILL. SQUIDWARD.
'''
Patrick: BATHROOM. WHERE IS IT?
'''
Squidward: That’s just lovely.
'''
(The Initiator suddenly appears with a gun labeled “demon killer”)
'''
The Initiator: I heard you guys might need this. 
'''
Squidward: I don’t care where you came from or got that from just give it to me!
'''
Initiator: You're not even a little curious? I haven't been a main character since season 1.
'''
Squidward: season what?
'''
SpongeBob: TALK ABOUT THE INITIATOR EX MACHINA.
'''
Initiator: I take pride in that.
'''
(The Initiator tosses Squidward the gun)
'''
Squidward: Will this kill them?
'''
The Initiator: Shoot them in the leg or shoulder or something it should be enough.
'''
(Squidward shoots Patrick in the shoulder and an enraged demon emerges and slams him against the wall)
'''
Squidward: Whoops.
'''
Demon: You’re dead now Squidward! 
'''
(Suddenly Sister Yvonne throws a bunch of salt at the demon, causing it to flee)
'''
Yvonne: I did it!
'''
Squidward: Where did you get that salt from? 
'''
Initiator: welp, time to leave. (Walks off)
'''
Yvonne: This is very rare land salt, I’m pretty sure it’s the only thing that takes out demons.
'''
Doctor Crayons: I've been harvesting land salt for studies about the effect of salt in the ocean. I accidentally killed 70% of the ocean, but 30% aint bad, right?
'''
Squidward: Doctor Crayons go get more land salt!
'''
Satan: Okay fine I guess I’ll just kill you myself, since my demons are so incompetent.
'''
Spongebob: KILL. SQUIDWARD.
'''
(Satan takes out his fire sword)
'''
Satan: You know for a second there I was almost impressed that you figured something out but once again you seem to have forgotten that I’m SATAN. And now, you’re dead.
'''
SpongeBob: CAN I KILL HIM BOSS?
'''
Satan: No, you’re incompotent. 
'''
(Satan sends the demon in SpongeBob back to Hell)
'''
Satan: Can my top generals come out here please?
'''
Mr. Krabs: Top generals?
'''
Satan: Yes. Hell has a functional military district, I’m actually sort of proud of it.
'''
Krabs: We don't need your life story, flamesy!
'''
Satan: NOBODY CALLS ME FLAMESY!
'''
(Seven demons step out)
'''
Squidward: Who the heck are you guys?
'''
Demon 1: Well we refer to ourselves as the deadly seven.
'''
Squidward: Sins?
'''
Demon 2: Yes. Hi there, I’m greed and I’ll be taking care of Mr. Krabs.
'''
Krabs: there's nothing on earth like the feeling of greed! I'll take care of this punk.
'''
Demon 1: I AM WRATH! I WANT REVENGE ON THE SEA! I WILL TAKE CARE OF SECURITY!
'''
Satan: Get them!
'''
(Gluttony tackles Patrick, Envy flies toward Buff Jim, Pride challenges Squidward, Greed and Krabs start fist fighting, Sloth takes on Doctor Crayons, Wrath punches Security, and Lust advances toward SpongeBob, which causes everyone to be confused)
'''
Squidward: I understand the other choices but SpongeBob what?
'''
SpongeBob: Hey, I get around!
'''
Squidward: Okay then i really didn’t need to know that-
'''
Pride: Enough talk, let’s fight! I’m going to prove that I am the very best! 
'''
Squidward: I am the best! I took over the bloody ocean!
'''
Pride: I AM WINNING! (Pride grows bigger)
'''
Squidward: I mean, it's true.
'''
(Pride grows bigger. Squidward has an idea)
'''
Squidward: I am the handsomest Squid ever!
'''
Pride: hey, quit makin me grow! I will burst if your ego gets too big!
'''
Squidward: At least I have a physical body!
'''
Pride: DAMMIT!! (Grows way too big and bursts into flames)
'''
Squidward: all in a day's work.
'''
(Cut to Krabs fighting Greed)
'''
Greed: c'mon, Krabs! If you let us win, I'll give you $2!
'''
Krabs: a whole 2 dollars?! I don't see why- (gets flashbacks to when Krabs sold SpongeBob's soul for 62 cents) I AM NOT MAKING THAT MISTAKE AGAIN!
'''
Greed: C'mon, Krabs! Think about how much you'll earn with $2! I know you want to!
'''
Krabs: I WON'T GIVE IN!
'''
Greed: How about $6?
'''
Krabs: NOOOOOOOOOOO! WAIT! I’ll make you a counter offer!
'''
Greed: Wait you can’t do that-
'''
Krabs: All of the money in my bank which I will never need to use!
'''
Greed: NO YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO GIVE IN! NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND! AHHHHH! (Greed bursts into flames)
'''
Krabs: Wow did I just overcome greed? Hey look a penny-
'''
(Cut to Flying Dutchman on his ship)
'''
Dutchman: what a cheapskate.
'''
(Cut to Sloth fighting Doctor Crayons)
'''
Sloth: So uh do you want to start this fight or should I. I’m kinda not feeling up to it.
'''
Doctor Crayons: Neither am I. I’m supposed to make this demon killing blade or whatever.
'''
Sloth: i don't even know why i was brought here.
'''
Crayons: what say we just sleep? 
'''
Sloth: I'd rather just burst to flames. I'm lazy. (Bursts to flames)
'''
Crayons: what just happened?
'''
(Cut to Gluttony and Patrick)
'''
Gluttony: I CHALLENGE YOU TO AN EATING CONTEST!
'''
Patrick: I’m game. If I win, you have to go back to Hell!
'''
Gluttony: NO!
'''
Patrick: Yes!
'''
Gluttony: I guess I have no choice since I brought it up. What are we eating?
'''
Patrick: My favorite. Krabby Patties!
'''
Gluttony: Oh alright fine. I do like a good krabby patty every now and again.
'''
(Gluttony snaps his fingers and a bunch of Krabby Patties appear)
'''
Gluttony: Prepare to lose-
'''
(Patrick is already done)
'''
Patrick: Done!
'''
Gluttony: OH COME ON! (Gluttony bursts into flames and vanishes)
'''
Patrick: nobody is more of a glutton than I am! (Laughs then eats a patty)
'''
(Cut to Envy fighting Buff Jim)
'''
Buff Jim: So why’d I get you huh?
'''
Envy: because you hate the world. You only took this job because you wanted to kill everyone.
'''
Buff Jim: SHUT UP! DON'T REMIND ME!
'''
Envy: I’m also going to take this time to remind you about how envious you are of Brother Squidward!
'''
(Squidward punches a demon and turns around)
'''
Brother Squidward: WHAT?
'''
Buff Jim: Shut up Envy! SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!
'''
(Buff Jim punches Envy so hard he flies across the room)
'''
Buff Jim: I bet you’re so jealous of Satan being in command all the time.
'''
Envy: Don’t say that.
'''
Buff Jim: I bet you’re jealous of all the other sins, all having so much more power than you’re ever even gonna get!
'''
Envy: NOOOOO! ENVY, WON'T, GET, DEFEATED, SO, EASILY! (Envy bursts into flames)
'''
Buff Jim: envious asshole.
'''
(Cut to Security strangling Wrath)
'''
Wrath: What, you think this is gonna work?
'''
(Wrath flips Security over his head with ease)
'''
Wrath: Pathetic! 
'''
Security: I’m NOT PATHETIC!
'''
Wrath: Yes you are, Chicken!
'''
Security: NOBODY CALLS ME CHICKEN!
(Wrath flicks his wrist and slams a chair into Security, but Security throws it back at him)
'''
Wrath: Looks like somebody’s angry! Maybe even WRATHFUL! Mwahahahaha
'''
(Security grabs the chair and slams Wrath in the face with it, then swings it back down onto Wrath’s neck)
'''
Wrath: OW! ASSHOLE! (Wrath bursts into flames)
'''
Security: thank you, Marty Mcfly.
'''
(Cut to Lust and SpongeBob)
'''
SpongeBob: I’m so lost.
'''
Lust: Well I’m the only one left so I guess I had to get you or whatever. Boy, you are sexy!
'''
SpongeBob: This is very uncomfortable, I’m just gonna leave-
'''
Lust: but don't you wanna, you know…
'''
SpongeBob: NO! I AM NOT LUSTFUL!
'''
Lust: Everybody’s a little lustful, even the nicest guys.
'''
SpongeBob: Well not me!
'''
Lust: Why are you playing hard to get? I want you!
'''
SpongeBob: GO AWAY!
'''
Lust: I know you secretly love Squidward!
'''
SpongeBob: LEAVE ME BE! I AM NOT GAY! I DO NOT HAVE SEXUAL DESIRES!
'''
Lust: Phooey. (Lust bursts into flames)
'''
Satan: WHAT?! you guys would appear to have beaten my top demons.
'''
Squidward: Yeah, take that SATAN!
'''
Satan: I guess this means I actually have to fight you myself.
'''
Squidward: Why didn’t you do that to start with?
'''
Satan: (eyes go pure black) because I wanted to give you a fighting chance.
'''
Patrick: what a gentleman.
'''
(Satan points at Security and points his finger up, which shoots Security up into the ceiling tiles; then he throws his flame sword at SpongeBob who ducks under it)
'''
Squidward: Crap crap crap crap crap. Doctor C any ideas?
'''
Doctor Crayons: uhhhh here’s the demon killing blade
'''
(Doctor Crayons throws Squidward the demon killing blade)
'''
Squidward: Well Satan I bet you didn’t see this one coming!
'''
Satan: i can see things coming from a mile away-
'''
(Squidward stabs Satan in the chest with the demon killing blade)
'''
Satan: OOOWWWWWW!! didn't see that one coming.
'''
Squidward: Yes! Die!
'''
(Satan pulls the blade from his chest and stabs Squidward in the chest)
'''
Squidward: Ow! OW! OW!!!!! That f(dolphin noise)ng hurt!
'''
Satan: Did you think you actually had a chance? Did you think that I, the prince of darkness himself would let YOU, an insignificant sea creature try to best me? Did you think that you would do any damage? You’re a fool, and now you’re going to die.
'''
(Satan starts pushing the blade further into Squidward’s chest but suddenly Squidward notices Noseward standing in the center of a summoning circle and also notices Sandy is no longer possessed and helping him)
'''
Noseward: Brother Squidward don’t worry!
'''
(Noseward punches the center of the circle which lights it up in blue flames, and then Neptune arrives. Satan is left speechless)
'''
Satan: NEPTUNE?!
'''
Neptune: HUH?! WHAT DO YOU WANT?!
'''
Noseward: Satan is here could you please help?
'''
Neptune: Why would I help YOU after you DESTROYED the timeline that YOU created?!
'''
Noseward: Wait you know about that?
'''
Neptune: Kid, I’m a GOD, I know quite a lot. Why, I should just put you on trial again right this very- (Notices Satan) SATAN?!
'''
Satan: NEPTUNE! 
'''
Neptune: I'll help you JUST THIS ONCE! I want to DESTROY MY MORTAL ENEMY!
'''
Squidward: wait I thought Hades was your mortal enemy-
'''
Neptune: Well yes, but he is also my brother so i let him live. AS FOR THIS ASSHAT-
'''
Satan: Oh shut up Neptune. Just because you’re king of the sea doesn’t make you some type of true powerful being or whatever. You’re just a PAGAN GOD! I’m the real deal, the real devil. You only exist because people want to believe you exist.
'''
Neptune: SHUT UP DEMON!
'''
Satan: At least I truly exist because the true God let me exist, you only exist because of people’s beliefs!
'''
Noseward: *quietly to Squidward* I’m so confused.
'''
Squidward: I'm worried Neptune will lock me up again.
'''
Satan: SHUT UP!
'''
(Satan points at the cult members, SpongeBob, and Patrick, and a possessed Sandy attacks)
'''
Satan: And as for my other minions, please go possess whatever bodies you find laying around. 
'''
SpongeBob: Sandy don’t do this we’re your friends!
'''
Sandy: KILL ALL THE ENEMY.
'''
(Sandy karate chops SpongeBob)
'''
SpongeBob: Please!
'''
Sandy: YOU ARE ENEMY. MUST KILL ENEMY.
'''
(Squidward grabs his demon gun and shoots Sandy in the leg, causing the demon to fly out angrily)
'''
Sandy: Thanks Squidward!
Squidward: Yeah, don’t mention it.
'''
Satan: NO FAIR! (Another demon Sandy again)
'''
Sandy: KILL ALL THE ENEMY.
'''
Neptune: Enough chit chat Satan!
'''
(Neptune throws his trident at Satan who catches it midair and throws it back at him; Satan swings his fire sword and Neptune who catches his trident and swings it to deflect the fire sword, causing an epic shockwave to knock everybody else over as the two deities fly higher in the lodge)
'''
Squidward: woah, i think that gave me whiplash! I can't move my spine!
'''
Plankton: Hey guys this is all well and good but is Neptune gonna win?
'''
(Satan slams Neptune against the ground, causing Neptune to get up and punch him repeatedly)
'''
Squidward: That’s a good point, Plankton. Who will win?
'''
Neptune: (struggling) me, obviously! I'm the king of the sea!
'''
(Satan dropkicks Neptune, and then Squidward sees Satan’s demons arrive in new vessels)
'''
Buff Jim: That’s a lot of demons, Squidward.
'''
Noseward: What do we do?
'''
Squidward: ...let’s give them Hell. No pun intended. Doctor Crayons, fire up the Ultra-Mega-Flaming-Death Machine!
'''
Doctor Crayons: But sir you said to only use it in worst case scenarios!
Squidward: That’s exactly what this is.
(Squidward grabs his demon gun and starts shooting demons, Patrick gets the demon blade and stabs a couple demons, everybody else is just trying to punch their way through the demons)
'''
Sandy: SpongeBob, karate power stance!
'''
SpongeBob: I haven’t done that in a good long while.
'''
(SpongeBob and Sandy get into some karate formation and try to take out a few demons)
'''
Neptune: Satan, why do you just insist on wanting to watch everything burn?
'''
Satan: I’m Satan you dolt! What else did you expect?
'''
Neptune: That is a very good point. Nevertheless, TIME TO DIE!
'''
(Neptune stabs Satan in the back with his trident, but Satan retaliates, swinging his fire sword into Neptune’s stomach)
'''
Neptune: Hey, that isn’t supposed to hurt!
'''
Satan: I’ve used this sword to slice down just about anything that gets in my path, even the most powerful pagan gods around.
'''
Neptune: Could you please stop throwing around the word “pagan?” it kinda sucks the fun out of this.
'''
Satan: I know, I'm evil.
'''
(Cut to Security and Noseward tag team fighting demons)
'''
Security: Brother Noseward if this is it, it has truly been an honor working with you the last few years.
'''
Noseward: You too man, you too.
'''
Squidward: i wasnt even the cult leader for over a god damn year!
'''
Noseward: what are you talking about?
'''
(Security and Noseward get surrounded by demons and duck down)
'''
Noseward: Goodbye old friend.
'''
Security: Don’t say that Noseward please you’ll make me tear up.
'''
(Suddenly the demons start getting kicked off to the side and Sister Yvonne comes in with brass knuckles)
'''
Yvonne: You boys aren’t dying today!
'''
Security: That’s my girl!
'''
Buff Jim: She should be my girl-
'''
Security: Shut the hell up!
'''
Noseward: Squidward there’s no way we can keep fighting these demons! they keep on coming, and they aren’t showing any signs of stopping.
'''
Squidward: Noseward we can’t give up now, not after everything that we’ve done.
'''
Noseward: Retreating isn’t giving up Squidward.
Squidward: We’re perfectly fine!
'''
(Neptune gets punched in the face by Satan and falls to the ground, too weakened to get back up)
'''
Satan: Well, Neptune, it would appear that I’ve won again. I always win!
'''
Neptune: (weakly) I still… Can… Win…
'''
(Satan punches Neptune in the face, killing him)
'''
Squidward: NEPTUNE!
'''
Neptune: (voice only) it's okay, Squidward. I can never die. I must throw in the towel, though. I cannot beat Satan.
'''
Noseward: Okay Squidward we need to MOVE!
'''
Doctor Crayons: Hey guys I got the machine fired up!
'''
(Satan throws his sword at the machine and causes it to implode, sucking Doctor Crayons away into a black vortex)
Squidward: Oh no. RETREAT!
'''
(The remaining cultists follow Squidward, sprinting out of the lodge’s back exit)
'''
Satan: DO YOU REALLY THINK YOU CAN ESCAPE ME?
'''
(Dark clouds start shooting red lightning, killing random cult members)
'''
Satan: Squidward I want this to be a message for you. You made a BIG mistake when you tried to invade Hell. You made an even BIGGER mistake when you killed my Deadly Sins. You made the BIGGEST mistake when you sent Neptune to try and stop me! You know you’ve really managed to piss me off the last couple months, and I want you to know that I’m not going to kill you, but I will make sure every single day that you SUFFER the CONSEQUENCES of YOUR ACTIONS.
'''
(Satan vanishes but his demonic army stays at the lodge, so Squidward leads everybody to the only safe place he knows still exists. The Krusty Krab)
'''
SpongeBob: I didn’t think that The Krusty Krab would be our final resting place Squidward.
'''
Squidward: It won’t be.
'''
Krabs: im having strange visions of some group of Crab Rebels right now. I think I'm going crazy, i need some sleep.
'''
Squidward: Okay, we’re all crazy right now Krabs. And no, don’t sleep. Here’s what has to happen. If we stay in a group this large, we’re all done for. SpongeBob, take the Feathered Friends to another safe haven, so that we have a shot at survival. 
'''
Patrick: But what about you guys?
'''
Squidward: We’ll stay here.
'''
SpongeBob: Before I go I just need to ask you Squidward..is it safe to say we’re friends again?
'''
Squidward: I’d like to use the term “mild acquaintance” if that’s alright with you. Our groups were mortal enemies.
'''
SpongeBob: Well that’s better than mortal enemies so I’ll take it! Goodbye and I wish you guys luck in surviving Satan. we'll meet with you later.
'''
Squidward: Yeah. Goodbye, Feathered Friends.
'''
(SpongeBob, Patrick, Plankton, Mr. Krabs, and now Sandy all leave the Krusty Krab in search of a new home)
'''
Security: Brother Squidward, what do we do now?
'''
Squidward: Honestly Security, I have no idea. But here’s what I do know. Everybody in this building right now survived Satan and his army. Everybody here lost friends, we lost the cult, we lost King Neptune, and now we no longer have the aid of the Feathered Friends. So what do we do now? We fight back. We stop Satan. We make sure that whatever it is that he’s planning doesn’t come to fruition because if it does, then it could become Hell on Earth very quickly. We need to fight guys, so who’s with me?
'''
Security: Me.
'''
Noseward: I’m always going to stand with you Brothers.
'''
Initiator: *appears* I’m in.
'''
Squidward: where do you keep coming from?
'''
Initiator: I was always here.
'''
Buff Jim: Yeah we need to do this.
'''
Yvonne: Count me in too.
'''
Brother Snoozy: Me three!
'''
Doctor Crayons: Uh me four I guess??
'''
Brother Decker: Yeah I’m in.
'''
(All of the other cultists begin shouting things like “I’m in, count me in, yeah let’s do this, and we need to stop Satan”)
'''
Squidward: Good. My brothers, we’re about to stick it to the ultimate enemy, Satan himself. Let’s do this!
'''
Initiator: but the Lodge was destroyed, how will we plan?
'''
Squidward: We’ll plan out of here, the Krusty Krab. How poetic that the place that I used to work at before causing society to go to shit is now the place I’m making my final stand against the devil himself at. No matter, we’ll work out of here. We’ll need to make a couple trips back to what’s left of the lodge, which means going back to the Treedome for demon killing supplies. But for now we have each other, and that’s what matters.
'''
NoseWard: hopefully that candy muffin won't follow me here.
'''
Buff Jim: candy what?
'''
Noseward: Well anyways, today was crazy. i need to go lie down.
'''
(Noseward goes into a back room to sleep; he passes out in Mr. Krabs’ old office)
'''
Noseward: *wakes up in dream* huh? I thought these were over. Can’t wait to talk to the Candy Muffin again though.
'''
(Noseward is floating above the lodge, and sees it collapse as the ground beneath it crumbles away and Satan emerges spitting fire everywhere)
'''
Noseward: That’s new. Did the candy muffin call in sick?
'''
(Noseward turns around and sees everybody he knows, Squidward, Security, SpongeBob, The Initiator, and more being lead by Satan down the stairs to Hell)
'''
Noseward: Ohhhhhh nooooo… 
'''
(Noseward looks up and notices that the moon is shattered into fifteen pieces and is somehow on fire)
'''
Noseward: What? Where am I? What is this?
'''
(Noseward sees himself, or a version of himself wearing a bandana firing a gun desperately trying to fight off demons, but he sees this version of himself get overwhelmed and surrounded)
'''
Noseward: WHY AM I SEEING THIS?! WHERE IS THE CANDY MUFFIN?! 
'''
Voice: There isn’t a happy ending for this one Noseward. It’s almost here, it is inevitable. It will come and you simply cannot stop it. 
'''
Noseward: Can’t stop what? What is this hellscape I’m seeing? Are you the Candy Muffin?
'''
Voice: No I’m not the Candy Muffin. And Noseward, this is the end of the world.
(Episode suddenly goes black)
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