B90210-14

==Battletech 90210 - Chapter 14 -==
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===Episode 14===
(behind the scenes, pre-production)
Aaron Spelling: Now I want to thank you for a very successful first season of 90210. We have nearly 3000 views and going strong...However, we need a little more zest in the show...more torrid romance, more mindless drama. As you know, Kathy feels a little betrayed by writing her off to exile in Wolf territory. She feels like she should have had more power to decide for herself.
Kathy: Did someone say power?
Aaron: Ah, right. So to replace Kathy on a trial basis, we brought in this,.....ah, experienced actress to play Kathy.
(Someone enters the casting room)
Tori Spelling: Hi Daddy, er I meant Mr. Producer...I just want to say how much fun it's going to be part of the Davion-Steiner family.
Hanse: That's STEINER-Davion.
Tori: Whatever. It's just so like (giggles) going to be so much fun to go shopping, and expressing my happy joy-joy feelings about this show.
Kathy: I like her.
(Most of the cast groans)
Hanse: Justin?
Justin: Yes, my lord?
Hanse: Do you have any artificial attachments in that arm that can shut her up?
Justin (begins searching): Let's see. Laser rifle, garroting wire, injector of sodium cyanide, portable HPG transmitter, the key to the greatest treasure in the universe. 200 digital maps of the Liao palace, a couple of tickets to the Avalon Avengers vs the Tharkad Tigers Mech o rama......Nope, boss.
Melissa: (whispers) She doesn't even look like Kathy...more like a...
Peter: Clan Aerospace gene program went wrong?
Hanse: Peter!
Peter: Yeah, yeah, back to the monastery........(tosses the tazer gun over to Hanse) Here Dad, use it on Arthur or the new satanic Kathy clone.
Thomas Marik: Did someone say clone?
Myndo Waterly: Did someone say Satan?
Arthur: Will the new Kathy being going to the Wobbie school too? Cause this one time at Wobbie school we all decide to re-educate ourselves. It was Sooooooo funny. We tried to become more like Blake, but we had no idea. so we laughed and laughed and had such a good time. It was just sooooo...
Hanse: ANYway.....When will Tori be taking over?
Aaron: I thought right away. Since Kathy doesn't like her plotline....and she is going through 5 cell phones, 30 flower pots, 3 cars, and nearly 20 kilos of c-4 an episode...
Victor:(whistles low) That's even more than cousin Adam's tacky Tri-Vid show.....Jeez, Louise, whoever thought all Clan mechs would be green.
Melissa: Shuush you. Adam's just trying to break into the biz his own way...
Peter: Like a Steiner-Davion Kurita alliance. Yeah that would never work. Whoever had that idea must be on crack.
(LOUD THUMP FROM UNDER THE TABLE)
Peter: OW! (glares at Victor) What was that for?
Yvonne: So, ah, Tori....what are you into?
Tori:(giggles) Well, shopping, and my Ferrari and boys and my little pink teddy bear.
Kathy: Now I really like her.
Hanse:(whispering to Justin) Didn't you use to drag dead hookers out of people's trailers before signing on this show? Before you got your...upgrade?
Justin:(nods) Yes, my lord....what of it?
Hanse: Feel like reprising an old role?
Justin: That won't be a problem....but how do we get Kathy back?
Hanse: I'll just name her regent on New Avalon. That should be enough power to make her happy.
Kathy: Did someone say power?
(Hanse grabs his cell phone and starts to press a few buttons. Thera and the Red Deltas "WHIP ME GENTLY" begins to play at 105 decibels)
Hanse: WHAT THE.....(shuts off cell phone) What is Kathy trying to do, give me a heart attack? Why does she keep trying to re-program my cell?
Victor: It's better than her trying to arrange your garden.
Melissa: Or my flowerpots?
Yvonne: I think I like Kathy better. At least there was some evil I could understand.
Aaron: OK. I just don't think you're giving it a chance. But if you think a little shake-up is in order...
(Aaron ponders)
Aaron: How about this? Ming-na Wen takes over as Candace, and Arnold Schwarzenegger plays Victor.
(The cast groans)
Hanse: (rolls eyes) I just bet they don't have to put up with this on the "Saved by the Clans" set.
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