Migration/Transcript

[Fade open to the 2013 Universal Pictures logo as a kazoo and guitar rendition of the theme plays. Fade to black. Then, fade to the Illumination logo, where we see the three minions sitting on a rock in the middle of a pond. Bob is playing the kazoo while Stuart is playing his guitar and Kevin is fishing. A frog is seen on a rock before hopping into the water. Stuart does a solo while Kevin shakes his head. Bob stops playing and pants in exhaustion.]
BOB: Phew! Ooh-la-la. Illumination!
MACK: (voiceover) And now for a bedtime story.
[The three minions hear this and sigh before the page turns to bring us into a 2D-illustrated scene of ducks swimming in the pond.]
MACK: (voiceover) Once upon a time, there was a beautiful pond. It was paradise. Everyone was happy there. Well, not everyone. For two ducklings were suffering from a strange condition. They were bored. (Dax sighs in boredom) And they were eager to discover what lay beyond their cozy little pond. (as Dax) Come on. Let's have a look. (as Gwen) But Daddy says it's dangerous to leave the pond. (scoffs; as Dax) We're brave and strong. We ain't scared of nothing. (narrates) So they decided to go for it, straight into the arms of… predators! They were surrounded, trapped. But the ducklings were not afraid. The tiny heroes attacked the predator, and…
[As Dax and Gwen jump in the air, ready to kick down the heron, we cut to reality.]
MACK: They died. The end.
Uh, that's all? They're dead?
Oh, yeah. No survivors.
But how?
Oh, you want details? Okay.
So, first,
the heron cut them in half...
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
(chuckling)
Wait a second here.
Your father got the story wrong-- again.
What really happened was: The heron saw that they were lost, so she offered to help them.
MACK: Pam, it's a heron. A psycho killer designed to eat ducklings.
PAM: All right, fine. The heron was about to eat them. But their parents arrived just in time and saved them.
MACK: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Their parents arrived, but it was too late.
Oh, Dax, don't worry.
It's going to be okay.
Really, Dad?
Yeah, sure.
Squished ducks, they can achieve great things, too.
As long as they stay in the pond far from the dangers of the world, such as herons and bears and wolves and storms and cyclones and tornadoes and crocodiles and poisonous mushrooms...
Okay. I really need to get to bed now.
MACK: ...and saber-toothed tigers...
What happened to
the other duckling?
-Was she squished, too?
-PAM: Oh, no, no, no.
Don't worry, Gwen.
The ducklings were both safe.
They just went on their way
right back to the pond.
But another predator
came in and...
And wished them good day.
(chuckles) The end.
That's it.
(groans)
Okay.
(panting)
(voice shaking) Good night, Mom.
Good night, Dad.
Good night.
What?
Every time you tell a story,
Gwen wets her twig bed.
Does she? That's great.
See? That means she's learning, Pam.
Oh, learning what?
That she should never leave the pond?
Exactly.
Trust me, I'm teaching her very valuable fears.
I should know. I've lived with them my entire life.
(sighs)
So have we all.
Good night, honey.
Good night, sweetheart.
Ready, set, go!
Come on, Gwenny! Come on!
Let's go. Let's go.
Beat Daddy. Beat Daddy.
Go, go, go, go! Oh, yay!
-Yes!
-Aw, I lost.
(Gwen laughs)
Whoo! Yes!
-Whoo... (yelps)
-(thunder crashes)
(Mack whimpers)
-Hey.
-Huh?
-Hello!
-(laughs)
Huh? (gasps)
-Yay!
-Mine!
-You're the worst!
-That's mine!
-Got a thousand of 'em!
-Whoa.
-Thanks, Dad!
Whoa!
(Dax and Gwen scream, grunt)
(whistling a tune)
Okay, guys.
Remember to pick
the fresh leaves.
Okay, Dad.
GWEN: Is this one good, Dad?
Perfect.
Keep looking for more.
(grunts, gasps)
(panting)
(duck squawking in distance)
PAM: Guys!
Guys, you have to see something.
It's incredible.
Come on, come on.
Everybody, come. Come on.
(ducks squawking)
(Pam gasps)
Whoo! Oh, look!
-Oh, I told you.
-Yeah!
PAM: Isn't it beautiful?
DAX: This is awesome!
PAM: Oh! Have you ever seen ducks like that?
Look at that.
-They must be migrating.
-(Gwen gulps)
-(Mack scoffs)
-Whoa.
They seem so mysterious
and exotic.
I wonder where
they flew in from.
Maybe we should go say hi.
(laughs) Should we?
No. Oh, look at these feathers.
No, I want to know.
Let's go ask 'em.
Mack, come on.
(chuckles)
Yeah, no, I'm good.
Ugh. Come on.
We never meet anyone new.
Okay, fine. (sighs)
All right, kids, let's go meet
Mom's new friends.
Kids?
Kids? Kids?
Pretty good progress, huh?
Yeah. Got to love a tailwind.
-Yeah.
-Oh.
-Hello.
-Ah. Hello.
Welcome to the pond.
-Thank you.
-Hey there.
-Oh, hi.
-Nice feathers.
We shouldn't be here, Dax.
-Shh!
-Dad is gonna be mad.
-Go back to the parents, Gwen.
-(grunts)
-Hey there.
-Dax! (strains)
What are you doing?
I don't want to be
psycho-killed!
-Let me go,
you little feathery wart! -Oh.
Okay, I'm a feathery wart?
You don't even know me.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
She's a feathery wart.
You're a very nice wart.
I-I mean wart duck.
-I mean...
-I'm kidding.
Oh. Right.
-(chuckles nervously)
-(Gwen groans)
(laughs) Hi. I'm Kim.
Hi. I'm Dax.
Welcome to Moosehead Pond.
(mocking) "Welcome to na-na-na."
You and your flock can stay here as long as you like.
-I could show you around.
-Hmm?
I mean, this is pretty much it, but...
Mmm. Thanks.
But we're just passing by on our way down south.
We're gonna spend the winter there.
Where are you guys going?
We spend winter here to avoid psycho killers like your...
-Sorry. Wart.
Wait. So you don't go anywhere for the winter?
Uh, nope.
(gasps) You should totally come with us.
-What? Really?
-(Gwen gasps, coughs)
Yes! Your flock could totally join ours.
Oh, my gosh, this will be so cool.
You will love migrating.
The sun, the sand.
Wait. Do you like tropical food?
-What's your take on bananas?
-Oh. I don't...
Ah, you're gonna love 'em!
You hold this.
I'll go ask my dad.
Dad! Dad!
-What just happened?
-Dad!
I don't know,
but you're in trouble.
MACK: Dax! Gwen!
Are you crazy? You can't just take off like that.
-He made me do it!
-What?
Gwen: And he talked to a girl.
-A girl?
-Gwen!
Gwen: Yeah, and he told her he wants to marry her.
What? I didn't say that!
Gwen: You said it with your eyes.
Dad, he's hitting me!
He's hitting me!
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Enough! Enough!
-Sibling cruelty!
-Enough.
Okay. Hello.
Hi. Hi. Big hellos.
And we're good. Let's go.
-Mack.
-What? I said hi.
I smiled. I made eye contact.
I checked all the boxes.
Hey there.
I hear you want to join
our migration.
Sorry?
Oh, we're going back to Jamaica.
Have you ever been?
No.
Oh, it's just magical.
I swear, there's even
a luminous lagoon
where the water glows.
Oh, wow. Oh, I really
want to see that.
(chuckling):
Well, then it is settled.
Your whole flock can join us.
This is gonna be great.
Oh, gosh. That's...
(laughing) That's just so nice of you.
Wait, wait, wait. (chuckles)
I think there's a slight misunderstanding here.
Unfortunately, we're just slammed this winter.
Aren't we, Pam?
'Cause we've got the thing, and then the... (stammering)
We got the thing after that.
So, you know what? We can't go.
But you guys go.
Have a great time.
And, you know, tell the glowing water we said hi.
Uh, well, maybe next year, then?
MACK: You got it. Next year!
Uh, well, I guess
it's time for us to go.
Uh, have a nice trip.
Thanks. (chuckles)
Have a nice... pond.
I'm so sorry you can't
have babies with her.
(ducks squawking in distance)
That was so... rude!
I know.
"Have a nice pond."
Who says that?
That's just poor parenting.
Not them. You.
-Me?
-Yes, you.
Okay. So I got
a little carried away.
(chuckles) But migration? What a stupid idea.
Pam: Ugh. Okay. You're impossible.
-Why?
Because I found a safe place for us to live
and we're happy here?
You mean you're happy here.
What?
I-I want us to get out
and see the world.
-Me, too, Dad.
-Yeah.
I want to go to Jamai...
Jam... J...
where they make jam.
You-you really want
those things?
ALL:
Yes.
-Really?
-ALL: Yes.
No home improvements?
-PAM and DAX: No!
-GWEN: Yes.
I mean... I mean no.
D-Do you know what can happen
on a trip that long?
What sort of father would I be
if I put my young fowl
in harm's way
for no reason except a chance
at a Caribbean vacation?
A father who knows
it's important for his kids
to see other parts of the world.
Mack, I don't want
to miss out on life
because you're afraid
to leave this pond.
This isn't about migration.
It's about adventure.
Seeing what else
life has to offer.
Is that a little scary? Sure.
But isn't it worth it?
No, Pam.
Not really.
(Pam sighs)
You really need to open
your eyes, Mack,
before you miss it all.
Come on, kids.
-(snoring)
-Hmm?
Huh? Huh?
-(screams)
-(coughing)
Uncle Dan,
what are you doing here?
(coughing)
(groans) I don't know.
I must have drifted
from my nest again.
(grunting)
Be a good boy
and get me back there.
Give me a little push.
(grunting):
All right.
(muffled yelling, sputtering)
Thank you. (sighs)
I heard the little family tiff.
I got to say...
you're right.
Wha... I am?
(scoffs) Please.
What's all the travel talk?
I mean,
why can't we be satisfied
with what we already have?
Well, yeah.
I mean, you got food right here.
We got a pond right here.
Right?
Yeah. Food, the pond.
Why go anywhere else?
Stick to your beliefs, kid.
-Don't change for anyone.
-Exactly.
And you'll end up just like me.
-Happy.
-Yeah.
-Healthy.
-Yeah.
And totally alone!
Yeah! Wait, what?
That's right.
You'll be living the dream.
Whoa, that was exhausting.
I'm gonna just rest here.
Rise and shine, Mallards!
We're burning daylight.
Up and at 'em.
Let's go, go, go!
Here's breakfast.
Dad, what are you doing?
Getting your sorry feathers
out of bed.
Come on. We got to get ready.
Mack, ready for what?
Mack: Nothing. Just, you know, for our big, super fun family migration!
What?
Mack: Ha! Bet you didn't see that coming.
-Are-are you serious?
-Yep.
An adventure into the totally unknown.
And I'm gonna love it.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa. I-Is this real?
What do you mean,
"Is this real?"
We're really going?
-Yes.
-On a migration?
-Mm-hmm.
-To Jamaica?
-Yeah.
-Together?
-Yes.
-Like, everyone?
-Yes.
-Including you?
Yes! We are all going
on a migration to Jamaica.
In which language
should I tell you?
Thanks, Dad.
You're welcome.
PAM: Oh! I knew there was some adventure left in you.
(gulps) Wait, wait, wait!
Uncle Dan, you're coming, too!
-Gwen, no, no.
-No, no, no, no, no, no.
We're going to Jamaica.
No. I don't think so, kiddo.
Oh, please, Uncle Dan.
Nah.
Oh, too bad he doesn't want
to come, honey.
We tried. What else can we do?
-Let's leave.
-(Gwen grunts)
(inhales deeply)
Please...
(straining,
holding word "please")
(high-pitched straining)
Pretty please?
Whoa. That did it.
I can't refuse her.
Look at her.
Look at how cute she is.
Yes! Uncle Dan is coming!
(chuckles) No, he's not.
(chanting):
Uncle Dan, Uncle Dan.
GWEN and UNCLE DAN:
Uncle Dan, Uncle Dan...
-Oh, for real?
-(chanting continues)
Uncle Dan, Uncle Dan.
-Uncle Dan, that's me.
-Uncle Dan, Uncle Dan.
Yeah!
MACK and PAM: (reluctantly)Yay.
(Gwen giggles)
Here we go.
Let's do the final check.
Tail feather torsion?
Check.
Mack: Wing deployment?
Check.
Mack: Heads in takeoff mode?
Check.
Mack: Let's fly.
Woo-hoo! Yeah!
Woo-hoo!
Whoa! Whoo!
(laughing)
Yeah!
(sighs)
Okay, everyone, enough fooling around.
"V" formation.
Woo-hoo! Yeah!
-Look at me!
-Thanks, Dad!
-Whoo! (laughs)
-Yeah, this is awesome!
(chuckling):
Well, better get used to it.
Huh. That's weird.
My inner compass may be a little rusty, but I'm sure we're heading south.
Pam: Yeah, we are, but why are we the only birds heading this way?
Hey, kids, don't worry.
We're gonna be all right.
Here we are together.
We're on an adventure.
I promised adventure, and this is exactly what I promised, huh?
Uncle Dan: We're not gonna make it, are we?
Pam: Uncle Dan!
You can tell me. I don't mind.
I'm a big boy. I'm a big duck.
No, Uncle Dan, things are gonna be fine.
Isn't that right, Mack?
Uh, I, uh...
I mean yes, Mom's right.
This is fun.
This is the kind of thing we'll
remember for years to come.
We'll look back and laugh.
A heron.
The one from Dad's story.
The ultimate duck killer.
Don't panic.
(whispers) Herons can't see their prey if you stay still.
Hello, little ducks.
She's bluffing.
So, tell me, what's a nice
little family of mallards
doing down here
all cold and wet?
Nothing. We're good.
We're enjoying it.
But you must be freezing here.
-Oh, no, we're not.
-Come.
-Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
-Come, come.
Let Erin take care of you in her comfy little nest.
In you go. Hup, hup, hup. Harry! Harry, look. Look what I found. A nice little family of traveling mallards.
Mallards.
Uh, okay. Nice meeting you all.
Bye-bye.
In a rush, are you?
Oh, we don't want to be a bother.
(chuckling nervously) You look busy decaying. You're not bothering at all.
But maybe herons are not good enough for you, mallards?
No, of course not.
(chuckling) We're happy to stay.
(sighs)
Good!
Let me get your bed ready.
What do they do, rip you apart, then eat you?
-(Gwen gasps)
-Dan.
I don't know how they do it.
What's the method?
-Hey. Zip it.
-(sighs)
Wake me up when it's
my turn to be eaten.
-What?
-What are you doing, Pam?
Well, I don't know. I just...
I don't want to offend them.
Can't you see
they want to eat us?
(gasps)
I don't want to be eaten!
Well, she can't eat us.
She doesn't have teeth.
Well, what if she cuts us
into pieces first?
I don't want to be cut
into piece... (squeals)
I-I-I beg your pardon?
Oh, what's that? No, no.
We were just saying
your nest is just so charming.
Weren't we, kids? (chuckles)
Oh, thank you.
We moved here a few years ago.
We used to migrate
all the time like you.
Harry was such an adventurer.
Fierce predator, too.
He could catch any prey
with a single swift peck.
(fly buzzing)
(erratic buzzing)
Those were the good old days.
Now Harry's too old.
I'm the one who brings food
back to the nest.
But, anyway,
you must be exhausted.
Here's your bed.
There's no way
we're sleeping in that.
But it's our finest bed.
And it is perfect.
Thank you. (chuckles)
Wow, huh?
Hey, feel this.
Even comfier than our own nest.
Yeah, sure.
It's greasier, too. Oh!
Looks like your last guest
is still here.
-And dead.
-(Pam laughs)
Thank you.
You're welcome, sweethearts.
Sleep tight.
Don't let the bedbugs bite.
(snoring softly)
(hushed)
Okay. Storm is over.
Let's go. Kids, kids, wake up.
-Pam, we got to go right now.
-What?
-Right now!
-Now?
-What about Uncle Dan?
-It's fine.
When they wake up, they'll eat him.
That'll give us more time to lose... (screams)
You're awake.
Looking right at us, too.
-Bonus.
-Shh!
You shouldn't have gotten
out of your beds.
Nighttime is when
predators like to feed.
Stay away from my kids.
Let's do this quick! (squawks)
Run, kids, run!
Let me get them!
Harry, catch them!
-Head for the door!
Go, go!
Hands off!
-It's okay, kids.
Just hold still.
No, no, no, no, no.
Please don't eat us.
We haven't finished molting yet.
Pretty please?
I promise you this won't hurt.
-No!
Gotcha!
He was about to gulp you in one bite.
Bad fish. Ooh, bad fish!
You... you saved them?
Oh. (chuckles) It was nothing. And we have breakfast for tomorrow. Right, Harry?
(wheezy moan)
Into beddy-byes now.
ERIN: Are you sure you have to go already? I'll miss your kids so much. They are so adorable.
(smooches the ducklings) Mmm. And you taste so good. Maybe I'll eat you.
MACK: Uh...
ERIN: I'm kidding. (laughs while Mack sighs, chuckles; then) Or am I?
-Huh?
-It's a joke!
-Oh.
-It's a joke. (laughs)
-(Mack chuckles)
So funny.
(grunting)
All right.
Time to go.
Thanks for everything.
Oh, goodbye.
Uh, I haven't kissed
Harry goodbye!
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Blow him a kiss.
-MACK and GWEN: Mwah. Mwah.
(Harry chuckles)
No, no, no, no, you don't have to walk closer.
You're good there. Bye, Harry.
Thanks so much. Mwah.
Don't forget,
drop by on your way back.
Whew. (chuckles)
Wild night there, huh?
(chuckles) Yeah.
Yeah.
How about when she pulled out
that pan, though?
Oh, my gosh! With the dead fish
still in the pan?
-The dead fish.
-Terrifying.
Right? Still, lovely birds.
Oh, lovely.
Lovely birds. (chuckles)
DAX: Guys! Come up!
You have to see this.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hey, hey, hey.
Dax, let's keep the adventure where I can see you.
DAX: Whoa!
Woo-hoo! Come on!
Try it, Dad!
Okay, okay, this is pretty cool, but we should probably get back on... (grunts)
(Pam laughs)
Don't be such a stick-in-the-mud.
Woo-hoo! (yells)
Whoa!
Ah, yeah!
-Woo-hoo!
-(chuckles)
-Hello!
-Peekaboo!
-Whoa! Dad!
Ow. Hey, watch out.
Hey!
-Aha! Whoo!
Gotcha! Whoo!
(chuckling) That was fun.
Let's go down before we lose our way.
Please, Dad, come on.
-Just a bit more.
-Please, Dad?
Okay, okay,
just a little bit longer.
What is that?
-Whoa!
Guys, you okay?
Yeah! What a ride.
Let's do it again.
Yeah!
Your mother.
Where's your mother?
Pam?
(yells)
That is not your mother.
PAM: Up here! Fly up.
We can see so much better from up here.
-Pam! Are you hurt somewhere?
-Oh! What?
-Do you feel pain?
-I-I'm fine.
What's your name? How many
feathers am I holding up?
Hey. I'm fine.
(pants, sighs)
Thank goodness.
Okay. Come on, everyone.
Prepare for takeoff
so we can get out of...
...here.
What is this place?
(chuckling)
I... I don't know.
We've never been
this far before.
Uncle Dan, have you ever
been here before?
Uncle Dan?
UNCLE DAN: Hello? Guys? Anyone? I don't like heights.
UNCLE DAN: Oh, whoa! Whoa, whoa! Whoa!
(screams)
Uncle Dan?
UNCLE DAN: Yeah, it's me!
It's Uncle Dan!
GWEN: (gasps) Uncle Dan!
Well, he led a good life.
(grunts) What?
We're coming for you, Uncle Dan!
He would have wanted us
to go on without him.
Come on, he was kind like that.
Ow!
Oh. Well, hello there.
-Ah...
Get away, get away!
(babbling)
Pigeons.
Mmm.
Ah...
-GWEN: Uncle Dan!
-DAX: Uncle Dan!
-Uncle Dan!
-Uncle Dan!
-Uncle Dan, where are you?
-Uncle Dan!
Uncle Dan?
What if something ate Uncle Dan?
Honey, I promise you, nothing would ever want to eat Uncle Dan.
(Uncle Dan screaming)
-Uncle Dan.
UNCLE DAN: (groans) Get off me!
GWEN: I'm coming!
-(gasps)
-Hey, wait! Wait!
Get away from me!
Get away from me!
It's my sandwich.
I licked it, I licked it!
You can't touch it
with duck spit on it.
GWEN: Uncle Dan!
Get your wings off my uncle!
(yelling)
Dax, Gwen, wait!
Stay away from my family!
Back away!
Back away! Back away!
Get out of here,
you trashy, trashy vermin!
PIGEON (from inside tunnel): Who said that? I asked, "Who said that?"
Huh?
Come here, bumpkin.
Uh... Oh.
(whimpers)
Say it again.
Uh, which part?
"Trashy, trashy vermin."
Let the record reflect I just
meant to say "trashy vermin."
(chuckles)
Which I'm not saying
that's good,
but I wasn't doubling down
on "trashy," vermin.
(gasps)
You ducks make me sick,
you know that?
You're fed all day
by the humans in the park,
but that's not enough for you.
No, no, no.
You got to come
to our territory.
You got to steal our food.
And then you insult us?
What? No, no, no, no,
I wasn't...
-Name!
-Uh, Mack.
CHUMP: Well, "Uh, Mack," I'm the Chump, and I'm the leader of this group of hardworking birds you just called vermin. (hawks, spits)
Pigeons hawk and spit.
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
So listen, Chump...
CHUMP: What did you just call me? (pigeons gasp)
Sorry.
I thought your name was Chump.
CHUMP: Yeah, Chump, yeah. That's my name. Why?
Right. So listen, Chump...
CHUMP: What did you just call me?!
-I'm sorry.
Is everyone else hearing "Chump" or...
-What did... What?
-Okay, okay.
I think there's a slight misunderstanding here.
Excuse me. Will you excuse me?
Coming through.
Uh-huh. Thank you.
Okay. Hi there. I'm Pam.
I'm sharing my life with him, so I'm painfully aware of all the stupid things that come out of his mouth.
Hmm?
Oh, yeah, that's true. She is.
But I assure you, he meant no harm.
And to show our gratitude for your understanding in this matter, how about we share the sandwich 50-50?
(groaning)
-80-20.
-60-40.
-70-30.
-65-35.
-68-32!
-67-33!
You got yourself a deal.
Uncle Dan, cut the sandwich.
Uh...
You don't want to try 50-50 again?
-Uncle Dan!
UNCLE DAN: All right, all right.
(pigeons clamoring)
You, I like.
Thank you, Chump.
Sorry for busting your bills over here, but, uh... (sniffles) sometimes I get sensitive, is all.
Us pigeons, we got big hearts, too. Ain't that right, guys?
(clamoring quiets)
Oh, for sure.
We just want to be loved.
And respected.
(clamoring resumes)
Yeah.
So anything you need--
I mean anything--
Chump's got ya.
Oh, really?
Because we are completely lost.
We're trying to get to Jamaica.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
That's in Queens, right?
Uh, more south.
Uh, like, the Caribbean.
Oh, that Jamaica.
I got a buddy who knows that place like the back of his wing.
You-you think he'll help us?
Yeah. I mean, it's a bit of a sore subject for him, but, uh, I'm sure it won't be a problem.
Come on, lovebirds, we ain't got all day.
It's this way.
Wow. Mom, you rock.
Yeah.
60-40!
(chuckles) 70-30!
60,000-3,500!
(chuckles) I didn't know
you could be so tough.
Really, Mack?!
You didn't know that?
Oh, no, I...
(Pam chuckles)
Oh!
(laughs):
I get it.
That's good.
That's very good.
Okay, my little bumpkins, let's get a move on.
MACK: Whoa.
Are you kidding?
We are not flying through
this crazy death trap
of a city again.
Oh, come on. It's nothing.
Just stick close to me, and everything will be all right.
(horn blasts)
(groaning)
I'm okay. Yeah, no, I'm okay!
Yeah.
I'm okay.
I'm still okay.
We can do this.
(horn blasts)
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Ha-ha! You missed, bus!
Maybe don't stick too close.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Aw.
Here you go, my little princess.
(gasps) Thank you!
Woo-hoo!
Whoa, Gwen! I got you, Gwen.
I got you.
(gasps)
Look! Look, there it is.
(chuckles) That's Jamaica.
What? (yelps)
Here we are.
Okay, so...
Wait, where's our guy? (yells)
And what is that?
CHUMP: Huh? Oh, that? Don't worry about it. But I should probably warn you, Delroy's owner is a chef.
A-A chef?
Yeah. A-A chef.
Like a predator
except instead of eating you,
he feeds you to a group
of much lazier predators.
(chuckles) Right this way.
After you.
Hey. Shh!
Coast is clear.
(grunts)
Hey, Delroy.
How's it going?
It's been a while.
You look good.
Slip me some feather.
I brought you
a nice family of mallards.
They need to ask you something.
(Delroy groans)
Oh. Well, Mr. Delroy,
so nice to meet you.
(chuckles nervously)
Do you know the way to Jamaica?
(Delroy sobs)
(Jamaican accent):
Do I know the way to Jamaica?
CHUMP: Told ya. He's a little sensitive about it. He was born and raised there.
What happened?
The chef snatched him up in the middle of the night.
Next day, old Del's gone from free bird to jailbird.
Come on, D.
Just tell them how to get there.
(Delroy takes a deep breath)
Fly to the big green statue,
fly due south for three miles,
then due east for one mile,
due west for ten miles,
then you southwest for one mile,
-south-southeast
for two miles... -Uh...
...and south-southwest
for the rest of the way.
(crying): And don't stop
until you see that mist
dancing atop
the beautiful blue mountains.
(sobbing): You can't miss it. (wailing sobs)
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
No, don't cry, Big Red.
It's all right.
We didn't mean to upset you.
DELROY: (sobbing) Jamaica! I miss my family. Devon. And likkle Donnie. Dolores. Deedee. Winston! That me cousin.
Dad, we're not really gonna leave him here, are we?
He looks so cramped in that cage.
-Come on, blow it out.
-(blows)
-Blow.
-(blows harder)
There's nothing we can do here, Dax.
(gasps) We could get the key.
No, kid. That's impossible.
Why? Where is it?
DELROY: Down there. The chef keeps that key on him at all times. And trust me, you don't want to go anywhere near that lunatic. Him catch ya, him turn you into duck l'orange.
GWEN: What's duck l'orange?
CHUMP: It's you with l'orange on top.
(Mack gulps)
You know what?
Guys, don't worry.
-I'll go get it.
-Uh, what? No, no, no, no, no.
Dad, it's okay. I've got this.
No, you don't got this.
But just because you're scared of everything in the world doesn't mean I have to be.
Okay. You know what?
I will go get the key.
Cool. I'm coming with you.
No. You stay.
Dad!
Ah-ah-ah. Stay here.
Hmm?
Huh?
How's it going?
Shh! What are you doing here?
I told you to stay back there.
Oh, there's no way I'm
letting you have all the fun.
Let's go.
(gasps) There.
Here.
Grab my tail
so I can get the key.
Hurry.
-Pam.
-Almost there.
Look.
-(gasps) Pam.
-Almost there.
-Pam.
-A little closer.
Pam!
Got it.
Go, go, go, go, go!
MACK: (distorted) Duck l'orange!
Keep on surviving
-Uh-oh.
-What?
Salsa Tuesdays.
(gasping)
Now that you're out of
my life, I'm so much better
You thought that I'd be weak
without you, but I'm stronger
You thought that
I'd be broke without you...
-We're doomed!
-Don't panic, Mack.
I can't help it. It relaxes me.
Mack, we're gonna make it,
all right?
We have to be optimistic.
Optimistic? How can we
be optimistic right now?
Well, I don't know,
but if we are panicking,
we'll never find our way out!
That's it.
-What's it?
-Whatever you're doing, keep doing it.
You mean like this?
Yes, Mack. It's working.
Sobrevivir, sobrevivir
No se puede apagar
-La esperanza
-Sobrevivir...
Oh, we can do this, Mack.
Whoo! (both laugh)
Okay, follow my lead.
I'm a survivor
I'm not gon' give up
Ya lo vers, voy a lograrlo
I'm a survivor
I'm gonna make it
Es la verdad, yo sobrevivo
I'm a survivor
I'm not gon' give up
Ya lo vers, voy a lograrlo
I'm a survivor,
I'm gonna make it
Es la verdad, yo sobrevivo.
Dad, Mom, you were amazing.
Thank you, Gwenny, but we're
in a bit of a hurry right now.
-Pam, key.
-Here.
Okay. Let's do this.
Hurry! Hurry!
No, more to the right.
To the right, and twist.
No, no, no, no, no.
My right, Dad.
-Mack! -Down, down.
-No, push.
-No, to the right.
-That's it!
-Now, hold it and twist it.
-No, Dad.
-Come on!
-Do I just have to do it?
-Push!
-(swallows)
Oh. What happened?
Wait, wh-where's the k...
Where's the key?
-I swallowed it.
-Oh, that's a bummer.
Spit it out.
You need to spit it out!
I'm on it. I'm on it.
(forced retching)
Come on, Mack.
Okay, he's really close, and he really looks mad.
-Mack!
-Spit it out already.
-Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Come on! Hurry up!
Come on, kids.
Together.
Spit it out!
This isn't working!
-Bird eater incoming!
Got it!
Oh! (yells)
(laughs)
I'm free!
(laughing) Whee!
Ya mon!
(laughing)
MACK: (high-pitched) We did it!
(Delroy laughing, whooping)
Thank you!
(laughs)
Whoo! Oh, you did it.
I can't believe it.
I was in a cage, and now I'm not. In, and now not.
(giggles) And you did it!
All of you.
But you... you wild duck, you.
-(high-pitched chuckle)
You must be the bravest duck
me ever meet.
MACK: (high-pitched) Oh, I'm not that... (coughs, clears throat; innormal voice) I'm not that brave.
What?! You knew the danger.
You did it anyway.
What do you call that?
(chuckling) Yeah, you're right.
I guess that is the only word that describes who I am.
Did you hear that?
He called me brave.
So you want to go
to my island, eh?
I will be honored
to take you there myself.
(gasps) You'd do that?
(laughs)
For you, me do anything,
because I can do anything!
Woo-hoo!
I can go here,
or I could go here.
Free as a bird!
Right.
'Cause I'm a bird! (laughs)
I didn't think
I'd ever say this, but, uh,
you are one heck of a bird.
Oh. Well, thanks, Chump.
You're not so bad yourself.
Chump: (sniffles) Yeah, you know, I'm getting a little waterwork-y up here. (chuckles) Scram, you crazy ducks. Get out of here.
-Bye, Chump.
-Bye-bye, Chump.
-Bye, Chump.
-Thank you!
Thanks for everything.
So long, Chump.
Don't forget where you got that sandwich.
Bye-bye, you country bumpkins.
I love you.
DELROY: (laughs) I can't believe it! In a few hours, we'll reach the coast. Then a little hop over the ocean, and we'll finally get to my homeland!
Hey, uh, Delroy, uh, is it true that the sea glows at night in Jamaica? Because that sounds incredibly magical.
DELROY: (chuckling) Ah. You hear about that, eh? Whatever you're expecting over there... (chuckles) it's going to be even better.
(giggles)
Jamaica, I'm coming home!
-I'm coming, I'm coming
-Mom?
-I'm coming home.
-Hmm?
(whispering indistinctly)
It's really bad.
(chuckles) Oh. It's okay, Gwen.
You can do it while we fly.
GWEN: Here? But anyone could see me.
No one's watching, Gwen.
You know what?
I'll go up front.
-(whispers) What's happening?
-(clears throat)
We have a number two situation.
Oh.
-Everything okay back there?
-Dad! Don't look!
-Oh! Sorry, Gwen.
-What are you doing?
My bad. My bad.
(voice shaking) Mom, I can't do it here. Can we land?
No, we won't land, Gwen.
You're old enough to do it in the sky now.
GWEN: But it's too much pressure, and it's gross.
It's not gross. We're birds.
Every bird does it in the sky.
GWEN: What if someone is looking down there?
No one is looking down there.
I told you, we are not landing.
There is no way we're landing.
[Cut to them on the ground as Pam looks annoyed.]
Gwen: Are you sure no one's watching?
Pam: Gwen Mallard! Do it now or we leave without you.
-Okay, okay.
-Ugh!
She's perfectly capable of doing her business in the sky, and yet here we are.
It's okay, Pam. Just let her be. 
GWEN: Does anybody have a soft moss?
PAM: Just use a leaf!
(Gwen screams)
Someone's watching!
Someone's watching!
-There! Someone's watching!
-Where? Where?
Huh.
Hmm.
Follow me, and stay close.
Whoa! For real, Dad?
Mm-hmm.
Cool.
I like your spirit, duck man.
-(laughs)
-Um...
-Hmm.
PAM: Guys?
Mm-hmm.
Uh, are you sure this is safe?
Don't worry.
That wild duck is on a journey of the soul, and I say we follow him.
But just in case, get out your talons.
(laughs)
I ain't sure ducks have talons, though.
Shh, shh.
GOOGOO (in distance): Now stretch your back and move your wings up to the sky. Breathe in. And breathe out. (they breathe in and out) Excellent, class. And now the egg position. And we hatch with a newborn quack.
ALL: Quack.
GOOGOO: Very good. And repeat.
ALL: Quack.
GOOGOO: And repeat.
ALL: Quack.
GOOGOO: And repeat.
Hey, what's going on here?
-(gasping)
-Visitors!
GOOGOO: Brothers, brothers. (chuckles) Sisters, hold your enthusiasm. We-we don't want to scare our guests away, do we? (chuckles) Hello, friends. I am Googoo. Welcome to our humble abode.
Abode? What is going on here?
GOOGOO: Our morning relaxation as we prepare for the glorious Earl and Mae to open the gates to paradise.
Oh, you're so lucky.
You're just in time.
My friends… welcome to the Garden of Harmony.
I don't understand. It's...
Heaven for ducks?
Yep, pretty much.
Ah. Perfect.
Whee!
GOOGOO: You came to the perfect place, my friends. Here, humans spare no expense on our well-being. And they just finished building our brand-new slide.
Duck: Yeah! (whooping)
GOOGOO: So please be our guest. Feel free to enjoy our place for as long as you like.
-(gasps)
Whoa.
Well, I guess we could
take the afternoon.
-Come on. Please.
-Come on. Come on, Dad, please.
-Come on. Let's stay. Stay.
-Please, please.
Oh, no. No, no, no.
I don't think we can possibly stay here… (all whimper) without having the best time of our lives! Now, get out there and have some fun.
(cheering, laughing)
Dax: Slides, here I come!
Gwen: Wait for me!
Delroy: Slippy slides! (laughs)
Woo-hoo! Whoa!
Mack: Here comes the sea dragon! (roars playfully)
We're gonna get you!
We're gonna squish your sea dragon face!
Sea dragon is hungry.
GWEN: Hi-yah!
GWEN: We need to slay the sea dragon!
Ow. Gwen.
-Gwen, be more careful.
-We need to slay him gently.
Gwen: Really? Okay.
(blowing raspberries)
(laughs)
Ow! Uncle Dan.
What? I want to play, too.
Mack: Sea dragon needs a break.
-(shovel clangs)
-Ow! Gwen!
Googoo: Brothers, sisters, great news! Earl and Mae are taking us on a field trip.
I'm so excited.
It's so great. Hurry, guys.
Hurry. It's time.
You don't want to miss this.
Come on, everyone. Let's go.
No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Googoo: I'm so excited.
I can't wait to get started.
Googoo, stop!
What is it, my little friend?
The-the chef. The-the...
You want to come, too?
-Come on. Let's go.
-You got to stop.
-Last one is a rotten egg.
-Googoo! Stop!
-Googoo!
-Kneel, sea dragon, kneel!
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, Gwenny.
-Googoo, no! Stop!
-No. Don't hit your father.
-What?
-We're not hitting fathers.
-DAX: Googoo! Googoo!
-Where are you going?
Uh, Delroy is
the sea dragon now.
Of course. I'd love that.
-You're next!
-No, no, no.
-You're gonna be gentle.
Okay, no... (Gwen yells)
-Ow!
-Gwenny, come on!
-He said "gently."
Googoo, he's gonna take you to his kitchen.
-Come on.
-He's gonna serve you to people, with oranges.
Hey, hey. What's happening?
Dad, it's the chef. He's back.
(Mack gasps)
Earl and Mae are giving those ducks to the chef so he can cook them.
I beg your pardon?
Dax, go back to Mom.
I'll handle this.
No! I can help! I can just...
Go back to Mom now!
Googoo, do not get on that truck.
Look, I understand this is all new to you-- bit weird, bit strange...
Don't you get it? It's a trap!
We've got to get your ducks out of here!
Everyone, get off the truck unless you want to be cooked!
-(all gasp)
-Cooked?
-What?
-Wait, what's that?
Come on! Hurry!
You got to go before he comes back.
Let go!
-Earl and Mae are our leaders.
-Dax?
-They massage us.
-Dax! (gasps)
Everyone, run! Now!
-Pam, the chef!
-What?
We have to get out of here now!
Go, go, go!
(gasps) Okay, let's go.
Let's go, let's go, let's go!
Go, go, go, go, go!
Everyone, take off!
Dax, on my back!
Hurry!
Guys, we need to rest.
Follow me.
Guys, are you okay?
What happened?
Mom, he was coming for the...
Mack: I'll tell you what happened. I told him to stay back, and he almost got himself killed.
Dax: But, Dad, I was trying to help.
Mack: I don't need your help, Dax. I need you to do what I say! Do you understand?! (sighs) Listen, Dax. Just let us grown-ups figure it out while… All right, everyone, let's call it a night. We could use the rest.
Dax: Gwen, you scared me.
Gwen: You look mad. You need a hug!
Dax: No, Gwen, I don't need a hug. Whoa! I said no hug.
Gwen: Don't fight it. It'll make you feel better.
Dax: Can you let go now?
Gwen: You feel better?
Dax: No.
Gwen: Then it hasn't kicked in yet.
(Dax groans)
(sighs)
-What about now?
-No.
-Now?
-Mm-mm.
-Now?
-Nothing.
-A little?
-Nope.
GWEN: I felt something.
DAX: Mm-mm.
-(gasps)
-Oh, no, he's back!
-Every duck for himself!
-Kids!
-Dax! Gwen!
Mom! Dad!
Mack: No, no, no!
No, no! Dax, Gwen, stay back!
No! Stop!
Get out of here now!
Go hide!
Hide, kids! Go!
Mack: Go, go!
Mack: No.
Dax: No, no, no.
Gwen: Mom!
Mom, Dad, no!
Daddy!
Oh, kids! Oh, kids!
No!
No!
He's gonna cook Mom and Dad, isn't he?
And he's gonna come back for us.
And he'll cook us, too!
I wish we tasted awful!
Gwen, we're not giving up, okay?
We're-we're gonna figure something out.
We are?
Yes. There has to be a way.
But-but how?
You can't even fly.
Oh, we're doomed.
Gwen, you're a genius.
Gwen: Am I?
We are not getting cooked today.
Come on, Pam, keep going.
Pam?
It's hopeless, Mack.
What? No, no, no, no, no, it's not hopeless.
-We can do this.
-No, we've lost them.
Mack, we've lost the kids. You were right. We never ever should have left the pond.
Mack: Pam, enough. This isn't you. You're the adventurous one, the-the-the brave one. You never give up on anything. You-you haven't even given up on me. Come on, Pam. You've proven over and over again that when everything is hopeless, we have to be...
Pam: Optimistic.
Mack: Yes. And now you and me are going to get our kids back so we can finish this crazy, wonderful adventure. And we are going to show them that when danger strikes, you do not run from it. You take a stand. (gasps) That's it! Look, Pa...
Pam: Shh! Shh, shh. We can do this. Mack, Mack, we can do this.
Mack: (whispers) Come on. Let's go.
Pam: Okay.
-(grunting)
-Left, Pam.
-Just... You do your left.
-No, no, no, no. Right.
Okay, you're moving
on the left. Move on the top.
-Just set...
-Okay, no, no, no, no, no.
(sniffs)
-Psst. Hey. Over here. Here.
-Hey. Hey.
-Here.
-Do it together.
-Ya mon. Together.
-Do it together.
Wh-Wh-What?
(both groan)
BOTH: Together.
Hmm?
You trap me for years, now you're trying to cook my friends?
Enough!
It is payback time!
Payback!
Reload.
Ah...
Eat this.
-What?
We're coming!
Dax!
-We got this, guys.
We can do this!
(gasps)
-GWEN: Mom!
-(Dax chuckles)
Kids! Oh, kids.
Woo-hoo!
Ya mon!
Delroy: Everyone!
-(all gasp)
Delroy, you made it!
-You're alive!
-(laughter)
I'm so happy to see you.
And you, all dressed up for Jamaica.
-Look at you!
-(chuckles)
Well, come on.
Let's go, go, go, go, go!
(Gwen breathing sleepily)
(Gwen sighs)
Delroy: We're almost there, everyone.
I can feel it!
Okay, so we're a bit lost.
Must have missed a turn somewhere.
But don't worry.
We just have to go back to the big green statue.
(all groan and sigh)
-Pam?
-Hmm?
Mack, the water.
It's glowing. (chuckles)
It's glowing.
It's real.
The water is glowing! (laughs)
-(Pam whooping)
-(Mack laughs)
Dax: Dad. Dad! Come look.
(Delroy gasping)
That's it.
That's Jamaica.
(birds chirping)
Well, what are you waiting for?
Lead the way.
(gasps, chuckles)
-Gwen, final check, please.
-(Gwen gasps)
Aye, Captain.
Tail feather torsion?
ALL: Check.
Wing deployment?
ALL: Check.
Heads in Bake-Off mode?
Takeoff mode.
Takeoff mode?
ALL: Check!
Let's fly.
Woo-hoo-hoo! Yeah!
Let's go! Come on!
Woo-hoo! Yeah!
Woo-hoo!
Whoa! Whoo!
(Gwen laughing)
-Whoo!
-Woo-hoo! Yeah!
Look at me!
Whoa!
-DAX: Yeah!
-(Mack laughs)
-Woo-hoo!
-(Delroy laughing, whooping)
I am back!
(laughs) Woo-hoo-hoo!
Hey, Devon!
-Deedee!
-Delroy!
(laughs)
-Winston!
-Delroy!
(laughter)
Whoo!
-Whoa.
-Whoa.
(chuckles)
Mack: Wow.
Whoa! Woo-hoo-hoo! Yeah!
Wow.
Hey!
(chuckles) Hey, you changed your mind.
Better late than never, right?
(chuckles)
DAX: Kim!
(gasps) Dax!
Dax, you're here.
Wow.
Your wings, they're beautiful.
(chuckles) Thanks.
Dax kept saying your name while he was sleeping.
(Gwen squeals)
(chuckles nervously)
DELROY: Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
Whoa!
BIRDS: Delroy!
I'm home!
Delroy! Delroy!
[?]
Pam: What?
Mack: Thank you.
Pam: For what?
MACK: Opening my eyes.
[?]
GWEN: Uncle Dan!
UNCLE DAN: Mm-hmm? 
[?]
Gwen: Pretty please?
Pam: No, Gwenny, you cannot take Toothpick back home.
Gwen: But Toothpick wants to come.
Toothpick: No, no, no. No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Pam: Mm, I think it's time to let him go. Okay, honey?
Gwen: Okay.
[The alligator quickly leaves the scene.]
Gwen: So, we're ready for takeoff? Wait. Where's your father?
Mack: Guys! Guys! Guys! (panting) I just met these birds who are totally lost. I said we'd help 'em get home. What do you say?
Penguins: Hello.
Pam: Hi. Hello.
Penguin: Hi. (Gwen waves to him)
Pam: (clears throat) Mack, you do know that penguins are from the South Pole?
Mack: I know! Isn't that great?
Gwen and Dax: Yeah!
Dax: We're going to the South Pole!
Uncle Dan: No, I'm not going. No way.
Gwen: Oh, please, Uncle Dan. (straining) Please...
Gwen, Dax, Penguins, and Mack: (straining) Please...
UNCLE DAN: Okay, okay. We're going to the South Pole.
GWEN: Yeah!
MACK: Yeah! Come on, Pam. We're going to the South Pole.
PAM: (chuckles) I've created a monster.
MACK: Okay, so let's talk itinerary. I say Costa Rica, Panama, Amazon River. Any other ideas?
GWEN: Oh, oh! I want to see Titicaca!
MACK: Titicaca! Great.
[The camera pans up to show the movie’s title card in the sky. Cut to black. Roll credits. As the credits roll, we see pictures of the family going around the world and having fun. Then, the movie ends.]
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