Say Konnichiwa To... California

The first chapter of Total Drama Tokyo, posted on December 30, 2011.
==Story==
Chris is at what looks like an airport in California. "Hey, everybody! It's me, Chris McLean, and I'm here to host the next season of Total Drama, which I like to call Total Drama Tokyo! Last season, we had twenty contestants battle it out in Revolution City in North America. In the end, Tasia beat Kavren, winning the billion dollars. But Kavren got a consolation prize, also known as the fair Abbey! So, yeah. Rich dudes. Anyways, we have twenty-two all new contestants here to battle out in the largest city in the world! I hope our cohosts get here soon..."
Chris stands there for a minute. Then, a limo drives up, and out steps Chef Hatchet, with a squat Japanese dude.
"Yo, Chris. Here I am. And Suzuki is here, too," says Chef.
"Konnichiwa," says the Japanese dude, who is apparently Suzuki.
"What's he doing here? He already got eliminated from Total Drama Arcade," says Chris.
"Yeah, but I'm Japanese. Chef hired me for money, man. Lots and lots of money," says Suzuki.
"Can we just meet our first contestant?" asks Chris.
"Yeah, man. Here you go," says Chef. "Looks like they're here. Wait, Chris, why are we in California? I thought this was Total Drama Tokyo."
"It is. But the producers decided that they wanted to film us at the airport for whatever reason. So, anyway, let's meet our first contestant, Estrella," says Chris.
A big plane flies down, and lands next to Chris, Suzuki and Chef. Out hops a pale girl with gothic clothes and a nose stud.
"Hi," says the girl, who is obviously not in the best mood.
"There you are. We were looking for you!" says Chris.
"Shut up, dude," says Estrella, who takes out a book entitled "Animal Skulls of the World" and sits down.
"Hey, just be happy you're here! Total Drama, the experience of a lifetime, you know," says Chris.
"Oh, I am happy. I'm just not one of those people who express a lot of emotion. You got a problem with that?" says Estrella.
"I kind of do. You need to shape up, or we'll replace you with Dolph. Ooh, that'd be good. Ratings love him!" says Chris.
Another kid literally flies out of the plane. He also has red hair, and a green hoodie. He is wearing feminine pants.
"Sup, dudes and dudettes?" asks the kid with a sketchy grin on his face and a scratchy voice.
"Anderson, my man! How's it going?" asks Chris.
"You know. It's been alright, I guess. My sister is pissed at me for pulling one too many pranks on her, and my folks grounded me for 'treating others poorly' a few days ago, so I had to escape by coming here. I'm gonna win," says Anderson.
"Yeah, and I'm Rudolph the Red-Nosed freaking Reindeer," says Estrella.
"Chillax, bro, we're just here to have fun. Winning isn't everything." says Anderson.
"But you just said you wanted to win. Keep track of the things you say, moron," says Estrella.
"Anderson, you're already making yourself out to be a big target, so either shape up or get replaced by Dolph," says Chris.
"So, we'll both be replaced by one guy if we don't shape up? That would be an odd number of contestants, though," says Estrella.
"Must you say something rude to everything I say?" asks Chris. "Yeesh."
Another plane comes up, but this time it looks like a private jet. A girl with an angry frown on her face, and expensive-looking clothes, steps out of it with a butler following her.
"Charles, pick up that gum wrapper. I hate litterers," says the girl angrily.
The girl's butler haplessly picks up the gum wrapper. "But Layla, you litter every day."
"So? That doesn't mean others should copy me," says Layla.
"Guys, this is Layla!" says Chris. "Everyone give her a warm welcome." Nobody says anything.
"Charles, make them give me a warm welcome. I didn't come here to be overlooked. I came here to win, and add more bucks to my collection. So make them welcome me," says Layla.
Charles pulls out a chainsaw. Everyone starts to wave at Layla. "Glad you're here, dude," says Anderson.
"Let's move on to our next contestant, it's everyone's favorite geek, Tolkien!" says Chris.
"Gary was my favorite geek," says Suzuki.
"Nobody cares," says Chef.
A short, somewhat handsome guy with a big nose, wavy brown hair, and colorful clothing comes out of the plane shuffling what looks like trading cards.
"Hi, everyone!" he says cheerfully. "Have any of you ever played Luncheons and Laggins?"
"Um, yeah, no," says Estrella.
"What's that? Charles, look up Luncheons and whatever on your uPad," says Layla.
Charles takes out a gigantic pad and searches it. "It is a roleplaying game for nerds, dorks, and forever alone people," says Charles. Layla nods her head.
"Looks like this dude here fits all three of those categories," chuckles Anderson. Tolkien flashes him an angry glare.
"Is it just me, or is Tolkien the only pleasant person here?" asks Chef to Chris.
"I'm pleasant enough," says Charles meekly.
"Did I give you permission to talk?!" snaps Layla. She slaps Charles in the face.
Tolkien feels around in his pocket. "Oh no," he says abruptly. "Where's my Black Lich card?! I brought it here for good luck. It's super rare, and has this dope Shadow Wand attack that does TONS of damage. This isn't good..." 
"Oh, you mean this thing? I found it on the plane ride here," Anderson pulls something out from his pocket. It looks like a glob of mold with ketchup and cheese on it. A mouse is nibbling off the cheese.
Tolkien lets out a little shriek. "That is one of five of those cards in the world! What did you do?!" He turns white and faints.
"Calm your balls, big boy," says a girlish and excited sounding voice.
"Ooh, I love balls! Especially those kinda of ones you use at the beach! What are they called again? I think they're called tennis balls. But I don't know!" says another voice, this one innocent and high-pitched.
"Ugh, Chris, who is THAT? Her voice irks me. Get rid of her," says Layla. Charles shakes his head.
"Everyone, here's Isabel!" says Chris. Another voice clears their throat. "Oh, and Roz."
"Where am I?" Isabel asks cluelessly, walking into the frame. She's tall, blonde, and pretty, but has a confused expression.
"You're in Tokyo, Japan," says Layla. Under her breath, she mumbles, "Idiot."
"Oooh, I love Tokyo! I climbed the Eiffel Tower here when I was four," says Isabel. Everyone sighs and slaps their heads.
"Actually, we're not in Tokyo, we're in California, so who's the real idiot here?" says Chris matter-of-factly. Layla glares at him.
"She would be hot, but she's dangerously stupid," says Tolkien. Anderson nods.
"You're so pretty! I've never met a girl like you," says Isabel, approaching Tolkien.
"Uh... I'm not a girl..." says Tolkien.
"Ohhhh," says Isabel. "I knew that."
"I'm sure you did," says Anderson wisely.
A large black guy with a red and white shirt with a nametag reading "CAVI," bling, and a big nose steps out of the plane.
"'Ey, guys, wassup? I'm glad to be here," says the boy.
"Hey, guys, this is Shawn," says Chris apathetically. "You may know him from such hits as Water Rushing, as well as, uh... yeah, I got nothing."
"I hope ya guys know me. After all, I am an amazing singer. Got all sorts of hits on the charts, Chris," says Shawn.
"Yeah, whatever," says Chris.
"Eeee, I love music!" says Isabel happily.
"Eww, I don't. It makes my ears bleed," says Anderson.
"Dude, didn't you die in that jet ski accident?" asks Estrella.
"Nope, Kishawn Aliaune Damala Bouga Time Puru Nacka Lu Lu Lu Badara Akon Thiam Anderson is still alive and well!" says Shawn.
"Whoa, that name is longer than Dolph's," says Tolkien.
"Hey, baby," says Shawn, walking past Tolkien and approaching Layla seductively.
"Yuck," says Layla. "Charles, get me away from this creep." Charles pushes Layla away from Shawn. "I'd rather date skinny-jeans over there." Anderson makes a clicking noise and winks at her.
"Uh, guys? Where's Roz? I thought I introduced her a few minutes ago," says Chris.
"YO YO YO!" screams a voice. The contestants look around, and see nothing. Then, a lanky brunette with a Batman shirt and a crazed expression falls out of the sky onto Tolkien.
"Hey, boys and girls, goooood news! I'm here! And that's a relief, since I'm gonna be the most hilarious person on the show!" says Roz.
"Aaack... Can't... Breathe..." says Tolkien.
"..." says Estrella. 
"Wassup, everybody? I'm Roz, but you guys probably know me. Or at least my cousin. Wait, that could actually apply to two people! LOVE YOU GIRLIES!" says Roz, getting off of Tolkien, who gasps for air. "So, uh, anyway, why aren't we in Tokyo?"
"We have to catch our plane. But knowing you, you can probably fly, so no need to worry." says Chris.
"Hehe, I totally can. Who wants to see? Oh, yeah, by the way, I've been stalking my science teacher lately, for anyone who cares. His name is Mr. Chapman. I call him Chappy. Anyone care for a status update?" asks Roz. Nobody says anything.
"Everyone, back by popular demand, it's Ori," says Chris, reading off of a cue card after five seconds of silence.
"Whoa, sweet, I loved that guy! He was my favorite," says Roz.
"Just kidding. Ari. Whoops," says Chris.
A cute, brunette girl comes out of the bus, wearing blue jeans and a red shirt depicting a cartoon bird's face and looking very uncomfortable at her surroundings.
"Mad Avians? I love that game!" says Tolkien, looking at her shirt.
Ari giggles. "Yeah..."
"I like your nose, girl," says Layla, touching Ari's nose. "Did you get it done?"
"No..." says Ari awkwardly.
"Oh, uh, I know. I was just kidding," snorts Layla.
Ari giggles again. "Yeah."
Roz rushes up to Ari with a glassy-eyed look. "Oh my god. You seem beyond cool. Like, my perfect soulmate... or something."
"Uh-huh," says Ari. "I see."
"Dude..." Tolkien says, whispering to Anderson. "I feel like she's actually my perfect soulmate." Anderson laughs rudely.
"Hey, everybody!" says a strange-looking man who is wearing a tux, red boutonnière, and sunglasses. "I know that times are tough, and sometimes life gets you down, but I think we should just all try to... Keeping The Faith." He starts to snap his fingers. 
"Uh, who even is that?" says Estrella.
"Oh, yeah, I guess I forgot to introduce the guy... This is Horatio, everyone! Say hello to him, and whatever," says Chris.
"That's odd," says Ari.
"Uh, yeah, so I'm not exactly sure what to say now, so let's meet our next contestant, Julian," says Chris. Horatio slaps his head.
"What's up, guys? The name's Julian. That's it, I suppose," says a black dude with an Afro, fashionable clothing, and drumsticks, walking out of the bus. He then walks over to a park bench, sits down, and starts playing on it like it's a drum.
"Wow, yeah, make my ears bleed already, why don't you," Estrella says from the corner.
"You know, I'd make a comeback, but it looks like you're blushing right now," says Julian. Estrella looks away immediately.
"Okay, well--" begins Estrella. She then glances over at Julian again, and he's fast asleep.
"This guy is super awesome," says Anderson. "I hope he's on my team."
"That reminds me, this time there's gonna be three teams of seven. Well, actually one team will have eight at first, but that'll change after some poor loser gets booted!" says Chris.
Everyone looks at Anderson. "What?" he says.
"Yeah, you heard me. Anyway, here's our next contestant, who's actually a native Tokyo resident - Yuri!" says Chris.
A Japanese girl comes down on a unicorn. "Let's see here..." she says. "You two. Eeee!" She points to Shawn and Julian.
"What are you talking about?" asks Shawn.
"Yeah, man, I like girls," says Julian.
"You two would make a PERFECT couple!" she squeals.
"Um, none of us are gay, so just shut up," says Layla.
"Well, that's rude. You don't know that!" says Yuri.
"Charles, throw her in the dumpster," says Layla.
"Erm, Layla, I am fine standing right here," says Layla's butler, and she glares at him. 
"..." says Anderson.
"All right, looks like half of the cast is here already, and we're shockingly not over the time limit yet! Time to introduce the next bunch. Warning, most of them are pretty weird," says Chris. "But so are you guys, so I'm sure you'll get along."
A short, nerdy boy comes out of the bus, with a top hat, cape, and glittery clothing. "Hello, young children. I am the great Kai. I will now take a rabbit out of my hat."
"What freak show did you get this guy from? But I do enjoy a good magic trick. Do it, kid," says Estrella.
"And now, I will do it," says Kai. He takes out a plush bunny from his hat. "Ta-daaaa!"
"Hey, you weirdo, that's not even a real bunny. You disappoint me. Charles, find me a bunny," says Layla.
"Personally, I think that was a pretty good show..." says Ari happily. Tolkien shakes his head.
"You're pretty cool. Can I have your autograph, kid?" asks Estrella.
Ari nods, "Me too."
"Relax, ladies, there's enough of Kai to go around," says Kai. He takes out a pad of paper and starts signing his name.
"Ugh," says Tolkien, as Julian comes up to him.
"I feel your pain, bro. Girls are tricky," he says, patting Tolkien on the back.
"So, what's your secret?" says Anderson.
"What do you mean?" asks Kai after he's done signing autographs.
Anderson pauses, then says, "How do you get all those chicks?"
Kai chuckles. "It's all in the wand, kid. But I'm not planning on dating."
"All right. Here's our next contestant, Puck. He's a bit special. But aren't all of you?" asks Chris.
"Not funny, Chris. You just made that joke. Let's just see him," says Shawn.
A squat guy who resembles a penguin more than a human comes out of the bus. He is wearing a black "BB" shirt, purple pants, and a blue hockey helmet.
"Hey, guys! What's chillin'?" He chuckles. "I'm Puck! Just an average guy, tryin' to make my way in the world." He approaches Yuri, Isabel, and Layla. "'Water' you guys' names?! Bwa-ha-ha-ha!" Nobody else laughs. 
"You know, that's not funny at all," says Isabel. "And I think a lot of things are funny! Teehee!"
"Chris, are you kidding me? A wannabe magician? A fat kid who relies on puns? Get me away from these creeps," says Layla.
"Halfway through casting, we realized we didn't have enough comedic characters in the cast, and too many sarcastic ones. So we decided to bring these guys in. And you think they're creepy? Ha," says Chris.
"Creepy, I'm not creepy. I'm more 'cool', if I do say so myself. Chill out, bro," says Puck.
"By the way, what kind of a name is Puck? It sounds like fu--" says Roz.
"Haha! Good Q, b-b-baby! My name's not actually Puck. It's Cornelius, but you guys didn't hear that," says Cornelius Puck. "I nicknamed myself Puck because I'm a super pro at hockey! I'm even better than Chuck Norris."
"Doubt it. Chuck Norris is good at everything," says Tolkien.
"You know, I don't find Chuck Norris jokes funny at all," says Estrella.
"Girlie, do you find anything funny at all?" asks Roz.
"No," says Estrella.
"Let's meet our next weirdo, Casey. Everybody give her a warm welcome. She's a bit awkward," says Chris.
"Like, me-awkward, or more...?" asks Ari.
"Yeah, she may be a contender. But here she is," says Chris.
A tall girl comes out of the bus. She looks like Ari, only less pretty, although she is somewhat attractive. She is wearing preppy clothes and has flowing ginger locks.
"Like, hey, guys. S'up?" She takes out a notecard and starts looking at it intensely. "Hmm... Popularity meter... Best part of a kid's life... Little kid over there... Crap, I forgot what's next."
"Uh, whatcha doing over there?" asks Ari.
"I was trying to memorize Chelsey's lines... Aww, it's no use. Hi, everyone. I'm Casey. You guys look nice," says Casey.
"Quite odd," says Ari.
"Uh, guys, I may have made a weird first impression on you guys, but I wanna get accepted and stuff," says Casey.
"She's hot. How about yes," whispers Anderson. Tolkien and Horatio nod.
"All right, chick, you're with us now," says Anderson after some debating.
"Okay, sweet!" says Casey. She walks over to the three guys.
"Anderson," says Anderson.
"The name's T-$waqq," says Tolkien.
Horatio slaps his head and says, "Horatio. Pleasure to meet you."
"Well, look on the bright side, at least those guys won't bother us," says Roz, right as Casey is seen sprinting away from the three boys in the background.
"Uh, I don't know, most of them are weird... But one of them is kinda cute, I guess..." Ari says.
"All right. Everyone, say hello to our next contestant, his name's Wolfgang," says Chris.
A guy with fashionable clothing and wild, dyed blue hair stomps out of the bus wearing an angry expression. He says nothing, then sits on a bench.
"What's wrong with this one?" asks Shawn.
"I think he's more of an introvert," says Chris.
Wolfgang is grooming his hair as Puck comes up to him.
"Hey, guy! I'm Puck! I think I've seen you somewhere, but I don't remember where exactly. Wanna be friends?" asks Puck.
Wolfgang grunts dismissively, then kicks Puck in the gonads.
"Haha! Groin kicks always loosen me up! You seem cool, buddy!" says Puck, and he reaches in and bear-hugs Wolfgang. Fire burns in Wolfgang's eyes as he stares intensely at Puck. 
"He's attractive," says Estrella while looking at Wolfgang. "He reminds me of... Me."
"No, he's not. He's gross and he has bad breath. Seriously, I can smell it from over here," says Julian.
Wolfgang growls like an animal, then sticks up his middle finger at Julian.
Chris then says, "Here's our next contestant, Vivienne!"
An interesting-looking girl comes out of the bus. She has pink hair and is wearing an all purple dress, with a striped hat and velvet gloves.
"Ooooh," says Kai. "You are perfect magician's assistant material! Here, lemme show you how to take a rabbit out of a hat."
"You're so cute," says Vivienne. She kisses Kai on the cheek.
"Um, you're taking things a little too fast there, huh? Maybe I don't need an assistant..." says Kai.
Vivienne walks away. "Oh, sorry... I guess I'll never get a boyfriend..." She starts to cry.
"No, I didn't mean to hurt you! Come on! Sorry?" says Kai. Vivienne then disappears in a puff of smoke. "Huh?" says Kai.
"Vivienne also claims she has magical powers. I guess that was a major detail that I left out," says Chris.
Vivienne then randomly appears in a tree. Everyone looks at her strangely, she then vanishes again.
"Anyways... Let's meet our next contestant. He's not in the best mood today," says Chris.
"None of us are. As a matter of fact, I'm the only one who's not as grumpy as crap today," says Tolkien.
"I'm not grumpy," says Roz. She then takes out a lighter. "Calm yourself, Roz." She puts it back in.
A short boy wearing a sweater vest comes out of the bus.
"Neal Schweiber at your service," he says.
"Oh, you're Neal?" asks Chris.
"No. My name is Brian Williams. I just said my name was Neal so I could trick you. And I happen to look exactly like the Neal on your sign up sheet, but it's a complete coincidence," says Neal.
"Ooh, hi Brian! You look cute! I love your cute little vest," says Isabel. She runs up to 'Brian' and strokes his hair.
"This is one of the advantages of being on a show like this," says Neal smoothly. He sits back and relaxes while Isabel fawns over him.
"Hey, man, you seem like me. I like that," says Anderson.
"Last time I checked, I wasn't wearing pants made for women," says Neal. Some people snicker, and Anderson growls. "Shut up, Neal," he says.
"His name isn't Neal. It's Brian. Stop being so mean to him!" says Isabel angrily. Neal chuckles.
"Um. Okay. Let's meet our next contestant," says Chris. He glances at his cue cards. "Uh, Bennett, and his lady friends."
A really short kid with blonde Dustin Nutria-esque hair comes out, with his arms around two random girls.
"Heeey, ladies and gents," he says. "Th' name's Bennett. I'm just a kid who has extraoooordinary luck with th' laaadies."
"We love you, Bennett!" say the two girls at the same time. They both kiss him on the cheek.
"Hey, I thought I was the only one who could have someone following me around. Charles, kill those girls," says Layla.
Charles takes out a bazooka. The two girls scream and hide behind Bennett.
"No need to be afraid, giiirls. They're just jealous," says Bennett.
"Why would I be jealous of you? I'm a girl," says Layla.
"Oh, you know you want to get into these arms," says Bennett. The two girls nod.
"How many people are left, again? This is getting a bit long," says Chris, checking his watch.
"That's not the only thing that's a bit long," says Anderson immaturely.
"All right, here's Gail," says Chris. A cute and tall girl comes out of the bus.
"Hey, guys. I'm glad to be here," says Gail.
"You are? Why? So you can get a fantastic and 'cool' boyfriend, like ol' Pucky here?" asks Puck.
"No, so I can make some friends," says Gail. A chipmunk lands on her shoulder.
"And you want a fantastic and cool boyfriend! Right?" asks Puck.
Gail snickers. "No, I'm not really into boys. But you can be my friend. You look like a penguin."
"I take pride in my penguin-like appearance," says Puck.
Wolfgang scoffs from the distance. "Ooh, that guy over there is cute," says Gail.
"No, he's not. He's gross and has bad breath," says Julian for the second time, randomly popping into the conversation.
A really tall guy comes out of the bus. He trips over the steps and hits his face on the ground.
"Ladies and gentlemen, Thomas," says Chris. "Already making an interesting first impression, I see."
"Hey, there, small boys. It's Thomas here, ready to win and stuff," says Thomas.
"Is your whole gimmick going to be physical comedy? Because that stuff is awesome!!!" yells Roz.
Thomas gets on two skateboards, one with each of his feet, and rides them. He slips and falls.
"Physical comedy kind of worries me..." says Tolkien. "Unless it's in video games."
"All right, Thomas, try not to get kicked off too early, okay?" asks Chris.
"That basically means I'm first out, right? Nice," says Thomas. "Oh, and guys, I'm in a band, too."
"Sweet, bro, so am I. I play drums. You?" asks Julian.
"Electric guitar, man," says Thomas.
Julian looks at Thomas, then at Shawn, and Horatio. "Epic band."
"All right, I think there's 2 left... Oh, man. Okay, Delia... She's a little bit dangerous," says Chris.
"Like, me-dangerous, or more...?" asks Roz.
"Yeah, she may be a contender. But here she is," says Chris.
A tall, scary-looking girl comes out of the bus. She flashes a cold glare at everyone. Everyone suddenly becomes completely silent.
"Hello," she says in a surprisingly high, but quiet, voice.
"..." says everyone.
"I came into a bunch of PJs. Sounds fun," she says. She then becomes quiet again and starts to survey everyone.
"Hi, hi. I'm Roz! I don't know why everyone's so scared of you. You seem nice, kind of like me. I hope we can be friends!" says Roz.
"Roz, don't," whispers Ari.
Delia starts to groan. "Goodbye." She takes out a notepad and starts to jot down something.
"Maybe you were right," says Roz to Ari. Delia's notepad says 'Skull Death' on the front.
"Here's the last contestant," says Chris.
A plain-looking girl steps out of the bus. "Hi, guys," she says. "I'm Flora."
There is another awkward silence.
"So... Who watched Revenge of the Island?" asks Kai, trying to break out of the awkwardness.
"Ugh, don't even get me started," says Estrella.
"IKR?" says Yuri. "There were no gay couples. Frowny face."
"All right, guys. It's time to get on the plane. We're getting really low on time," says Chris. He motions the contestants to get on the plane.
"Wait, we're not in Tokyo yet?" asks Isabel, pausing.
"Just keep walking," says Neal.
"Who will be the first voted out? Will we ever arrive in Tokyo? Will everyone get equal amounts of screentime? Probably not, but find out next time on... Total... Drama... Tokyo!"
==Author's Notes==
*This chapter was originally titled "Say Konnichiwa To Tokyo," since in the beta version of the story, it was planned to take place in Tokyo rather than a Los Angeles airport. About half the lines in this chapter were directly taken from the beta version. Originally, there was some sort of plot where the beta version actually aired in-universe but was canceled after four episodes and the contestants had to return and act the first four episodes out again, but it was way too confusing to keep.
*Suzuki, the co-host who eventually stopped appearing, was a character from the first version of Total Drama Arcade, written by myself and Fann Y. Fiction the Biggestdbagbesidesjake.