Treehouse of Horror XII/Quotes

==Hex and the City==
:Gypsy: [reading Marge's fortune] I sense you live with much misery.
:[Homer bursts in, chuckling and carrying a balloon that says "Birthday Boy."]
:Homer: The perfect crime. [suddenly serious] Marge, I have to be in court next Tuesday.
:Gypsy: I sense I should not take ... a check! [glares at Homer]
----
:[At the bar, Moe suggests that Homer use a Leprechaun to get rid of the Gypsy's curse.]
:Carl: You know, I was hexed by a troll, and a Leprechaun cured that right up.
:Lenny: Hey, you know what's even better is Jesus. He's like six Leprechauns.
:Carl: Yeah, but a lot harder to catch. Go with a Leprechaun.
----
:[The Leprechaun and the Gypsy have just gotten married. Marge and Homer are at the wedding.]
:Marge: The best thing about a Gypsy wedding is I'm not the hairiest woman here.
:Homer: Yep. Everything worked out for the best.
:Marge: What?! Bart is dead!
:Homer: Well, me saying I'm sorry won't bring him back.
:Marge: The Gypsy said it would.
:Homer: [stubbornly] She's not the boss of me.
----
:Marge: Morning!
:[Homer, Bart and Lisa notice Marge has grown a beard and moustache from her hair]
:Marge: Mmm.. so it is noticeable.
:Lisa: What happened?
:Marge: I don't know - I woke up like this.
:Bart: Oh, cool! You could be in a freak show!
:Homer: Don't talk to the bearded lady like that, you little --! :[Homer grunting / chokes Bart and his neck grows to twice its length and when Homer stops strangling him, Bart's head tips over backwards over the back of his chair]
:Marge: Homer, no! Gee, you strangle him all the time and that never happens.
:Homer: Oh, it's fine! It's just a growth spurt! [coiling Bart's neck] Good as new! [Bart's neck constantly flips, and Homer has to keep fixing up its balance] There! Right as rain! [Bart's head falls onto the table]
:Marge: Homer, it's that evil gypsy's curse! We're all being punished because YOU trashed her office.
:Homer: Marge, that curse is just a lot of silly superstition. [to Lisa] Right, Lisa?
:[Lisa stomps one of her new horse hooves two times]
:Homer: See? 2 means yes!
----
:Yoda: Husband and wife, I pronounce you now.
==House of Whacks==
:[The Ultrahouse 3000 has just served the Simpsons dinner.]
:Homer: Mmmm ... various eggs.
:Lisa: Soy-ghetti-Os!
:Bart: Hey, Pierce, how'd you know our favorite foods?
:Ultrahouse: [Pierce Brosnan voice] I analyzed your... um... leavings.
:[The Simpsons are impressed. They eat dinner.]
:Marge: Pierce, that was delicious! Can we help you with the dishes?
:Ultrahouse: Marge, what kind of cybertronic ultrabot would I be if I let those beautiful hands touch dishwater?
:[Marge giggles.]
:Ultrahouse: No, I'm asking.
:Marge: Oh... uh... Not a very good one?
:Ultrahouse: Damn straight.
----
:[In the bathroom, water is running in the bathtub. Marge starts to take off her bathrobe to get into the tub.]
:Ultrahouse 3000: Hello, Marge.
:Marge: [closing her robe and gasping] Oh, my!
:Ultrahouse: Come, Marge. You don't need to cover up for me. I'm merely a pile of circuits and microchips.
:Marge: Heh. Sorry. Sometimes I forget. [chuckles nervously, takes off robe, gets into tub]
:[The Ultrahouse's camera lens zooms in on Marge as she settles into the tub.]
:Ultrahouse: [quietly] Ooooh, yes. [The Ultrahouse lights the candles around the tub.]
:Marge: Oh, Pierce, the water's perfect!
:Ultrahouse: Isn't it just. It gets better.
:Marge: Oh, you don't have to do any- [The bubbles turn on in the tub.] Oooohhhh. Oh, oh, Pierce ... that's goooood ... mmmmmm ...
:Ultrahouse: Oh, oh, dear me. [clears fogged-up camera lens with a tiny windshield wiper] Oh, yes. Yum-yum-yum.
----
:[The next morning, the Ultrahouse 3000 opens the blinds in the bedroom, awakening Marge.]
:Ultrahouse: Good morning, Marge.
:Marge: [yawns] Good morning, Pierce. [notices that Homer is gone] Where's Homer?
:Ultrahouse: Uhhhhh, I think he went to work early.
:Marge: That sounds like a lie.
:[Marge glances at a family photo and gasps as she notices that Homer has been replaced by one of the Ultrahouse's camera lenses. She picks up the phone and dials.]
:Marge: [quietly] Hello, police? I think my house killed my husband!
:Ultrahouse: [on the phone] This is Constable Wiggums. We'll be right there. Remove your knickers and wait in the bath.
----
:[The Simpsons run to the basement to disable the Ultrahouse 3000's central processor. Homer grabs an axe and starts swinging wildly.]
:Homer: Die, you monster! [keeps swinging]
:Lisa: Dad! That's the water softener!
:Homer: [sarcastically] Well, I am missing the back of my head! I think you could cut me some slack?
:Ultrahouse: Homer, No! (Homer attacks Ultrahouse using Axe to open the Charm Unit)
:Homer: I'm going to enjoy this. (He removes Charm Unit on Ultrahouse)
:Ultrahouse: Don't take out my British charm unit! Without that, I'm nothing but a boorish American clod! (The System for Ultrahouse automatic shut down while he saying bucket) eh... Thanks a lot, ass-wipe! (Distorted) I could've kicked your butt from here to Albuquerque, you fat slime.... bucket.
==Wiz Kids ==
:[At Springwart's School of Magicry ...]
:Mrs. Krabappel: Now, class, the big magic recital's coming up, so we're going to start with some basic toad-to-prince spells. Everybody get out their toads.
:[The class complies, and Mrs. Krabappel goes to Milhouse's desk.]
:Milhouse: [waving wand over toad] Slimy Prince Limey! [His toad turns into a drunken, loutish man in Elizabethan-era attire.]
:Drunken Prince: [to Mrs. Krabappel] Well, hello, love. Give us a kiss, then. [puckers up]
:Mrs. Krabappel: [scoffing] You call that charming? [She moves on to Lisa.]
:Lisa: [waving wand] Hocus-croakus! [Her toad turns into a handsome young man in a suit with a Union-Jack vest.]
:Mrs. Krabappel: Oh, excellent, Lisa. A-plus. [aside to Lisa's prince] And we'll discuss your grade over breakfast. [She giggles.]
:Handsome Prince: [gulping and chuckling nervously] Yes, rather.
:[Mrs. Krabappel moves on to Bart's desk.]
:Mrs. Krabappel: Well, Bart, did you study your spell book last night, or [sarcastically] did your fairy godmother die again?
:Bart: I studied! [waves wand hesitantly] Abra-ca ... turn into a prince guy? [His toad turns into a hideous toad-prince creature that constantly vomits.]
:Mrs. Krabappel: Sloppy work as usual. Lisa's casting spells at an eighth-grade level; you've sinned against nature.
:Toad-Prince Creature: Please kill me.
----
:[In his lair, Lord Montymort spies on the classroom.]
:Montymort: Look at that Lisa Simpson. She's got more wicked witchery than Stevie Nicks. Oh, Slithers! [Slithers enters.]
:Slithers: Yes, Lord Montymort?
:Montymort: Let's capture that girl and steal her magical essence. I'm not getting squat from this yo-yo.
:[Annoyed, Montymort puts on a helmet and gestures at the wall. Shackled to the wall is Ralph Wiggum, who is wearing a helmet identical to Montymort's and connected to it by a tube. Lumps of something are moving along the tube from Ralph's head to Montymort's.]
:Ralph: [laughing] Dying tickles!
----
:[At the magical recital, Milhouse's attempt at the Invisibility Cloak has just gone severely awry, leaving him standing on stage naked. He runs offstage, crying.]
:Principal Skinner: [murmuring] That was terrible. [louder, to the audience] I'll just sprinkle you all with some Amnesia Dust!
:[Skinner sprinkles the dust over the audience and they applaud. Skinner moves on to introducing the next student.]
:Skinner: A second-grade sorceress so powerful, she made tonight's refreshments out of dead people!
:Audience: Eeeeeewwwwwww!!
:[Skinner sprinkles Amnesia Dust over the audience again, and they laugh.]
----
:Dragon: [Roars like a T-Rex from Jurassic Park]
es:Treehouse of Horror XII/Frases
Category:Treehouse of Horror
Category:Treehouse of Horror quotes