Scrap the Pat

Scrap the Pat is the first episode of SpongeBob's NEW Fanon Wiki. It was written by and , and released on November 22, 2018.
== Characters ==
A (debut) denotes that this episode is such character's debut to the show, while a (debutF) denotes that this episode is such character's debut to the franchise as a whole (they have lacked presence in both the 2016 series and the film).
*Narrator (debutF)
*SpongeBob/FryCookDaBest (debut)
*Patrick/DedodatedWumbo (debut)
*CrazySponge (debut)
*Man Sitting Behind SpongeBob and Patrick in the Cinema (debutF)
*SpongeBot678 (debut)
*Polar (debut)
*InternetExploring (debut)
*GraniteToast1992 (debut)
*SeemsGood (debutF)
*SBCA (debut)
*The Terrible Travis (debut)
*Gary (debut)
*Squidward/TheLegend27 (debut)
*FireMatch (debut)
*Weirdo123 (debutF)
*Weirdo123's Mom (debutF - deleted scene only)
== Transcript ==
(the episode opens with an outside shot of the “Reef Cinema” before we cut to SpongeBob and Patrick inside watching the credits of “SpongeBob’s Fanon Wiki: The Movie”, they are seated near the middle row)
Narrator: Meet SpongeBob and Patrick. SpongeBob is the one on the left that looks like a talking piece of cheese. Patrick is the fat pink one on the right who lost all of his shirts. Remember that now.
SpongeBob: Gee, Patrick, that was a really good film!
Patrick: (almost crying) Yeah, that was even better than Norm Of The North!
SpongeBob: What isn’t better than Norm Of The North?
(the two laugh)
SpongeBob: (sighs) I just wish the sequel would come out sooner. I really wanna see more action from the SpongeBob’s Fanon Wiki gang!
(CrazySponge materializes out of thin air wearing a pink tutu and fake fairy wings)
CrazySponge: Did I hear someone urging to see more action from the SpongeBob’s Fanon Wiki gang?
SpongeBob: (enthusiastic) You bet you did! (confused) Umm… who exactly are you?
Patrick: Are you a fairy?
CrazySponge: (facepalms) No, I am not a fairy! I am CrazySponge, one of the many writers of SpongeBob’s Fanon Wiki: The Movie.
SpongeBob and Patrick: HOORAY!!!
Man Sitting Behind SpongeBob and Patrick in the Cinema: SHUT UP!!!
Patrick: (whispering) Sorry!
SpongeBob: But what are you doing here?
CrazySponge: I’m here to let you know that we have just green-lit a full television series based on the film!
SpongeBob and Patrick: HOORAY!!!
Man Sitting Behind SpongeBob and Patrick in the Cinema: (annoyed) SHUT UP!!! I’M TRYING TO WATCH THE CREDITS!
Patrick: Who watches credits?
SpongeBob: When does the television series premiere, mighty CrazySponge?
CrazySponge: It premieres RIGHT NOW!
SpongeBob, Patrick and CrazySponge: HOOPLA!!!
Man Sitting Behind SpongeBob and Patrick in the Cinema: FOR CRYING OUT LOUD-
(theme song, and then cut to a computer screen. We see the mouse go to the Google search bar and type the URL for Discord. The user then opens up a direct message from FryCookDaBest)
FryCookDaBest: Hey, Patrick, how you doing?
DedodatedWumbo: I’m fine, SpongeBob. What’s going on the fanon wiki?
FryCookDaBest: Nothing too unusual for a SpongeBob Fanon Wiki. My fanfiction’s getting praise for once, and there’s this new series called “SpongeBob in Tehran: The Series”, which is alright, I guess. Oh, and Sandy still hasn’t written any fanfiction about me yet - but her shows are really underrated. How you doing?
DedodatedWumbo: I’m good. Still recovering from when Kelpy G tried to steal all our tacos - but I’m good. Hang on - you’re not jealous about be being admin, are you?
FryCookDaBest: What? I’d never be jealous of you, Patrick! Still can’t believe it, though. But that does remind me - the guys wanted to see you on the main wiki Discord. Something about your adminship, I dunno, really.
DedodatedWumbo: K, I’ll get on there now.
(The user - now revealed to be Patrick - goes on the main SpongeBob Fanon Wiki Discord)
DedodatedWumbo: Hey guys, wha’ up?
SpongeBot678: Not much really, we’re just in the middle of a meeting at the moment.
DedodatedWumbo: Oh, who you meeting?
SpongeBot678: Um, I think you might wanna go see for yourself.
(DedodatedWumbo opens the SBFW-Meetings channel)
Polar: I mean, seriously! CrazySponge promotes him to admin and then he goes and blocks me because he doesn’t like my show!
InternetExploring: But, I mean, on the other hand, he did help us get rid of the tyrannical Kelpy G…
GraniteToast1992: So did I! A good majority of us did, and we’re not admins!
InternetExploring: oof
SeemsGood: Seems good to me.
FryyCookDaBest: What? You wanna block him? You can’t do that, he’s my friend!
DedodatedWumbo: Hey, who are you talking about?
GraniteToast1992: Um…
SBCA: We’re talking about you, Patrick.
DedodatedWumbo: o
Polar: We’re just discussing whether or not to give you a block or not and take away your administrative powers. I mean, you DID block me for no reason!
DedodatedWumbo: But, I can’t watch SpongeBob n’ Stuff without cringing!
SBCA: That’s a decent point, actually.
SeemsGood: Seems good to me.
GraniteToast1992: Yeah, SpongeBob n’ Stuff is the worst show on the entire wiki.
Polar: Touché, touché.
SBCA: All in favour of taking no action against DedodatedWumbo say ‘I’.
SpongeBot678: I
FryCookDaBest: I
GraniteToast1992: I
SBCA: I
InternetExploring: I
SeemsGood: Seems good to me.
The Terrible Travis: I
GraniteToast1992: Travis? You’re not supposed to be here!
(The Terrible Travis is blasting off again!)
GraniteToast1992: OK, let’s forget about that, continue the montage of people saying “I”, people!
DedodatedWumbo: J
GraniteToast1992: Oh, c’mon!
SBCA: Then it’s settled then, we’re taking no action against DedodatedWumbo.
SeemsGood: Seems good to me.
DedodatedWumbo: HOORAY!!!
Man Sitting Behind SpongeBob and Patrick in the Cinema: SHUT UP!!!
DedodatedWumbo: wait wut
FryCookDaBest: How did you-
Man Sitting Behind SpongeBob and Patrick in the Cinema: TV show logic.
(SpongeBob - or “FryCookDaBest” - turns off his computer)
SpongeBob: What a bunch of weirdos. Goodnight, Gary.
Gary: Meow.
(back on Discord, Polar private messages SpongeBot678)
Polar: Oi, SpongeBot!
SpongeBot678: NO!
Polar: But I didn’t even say anything!
SpongeBot678: NO! I AM NOT BAILING YOU OUT OF WRITING THE NEXT EPISODE OF “DISCORD CRIB”!
Polar: SpongeBot, This is about something different this time.
SpongeBot678: I would hope so.
Polar: You see, Patrick blocked me for no valid reason!
SpongeBot678: I thought we all agreed that he made a valid point.
Polar: Well, maybe he did, but “because her show makes me cringe” is not a valid reason to block someone when it comes down to the wiki’s rules.
SpongeBot678: Where is this going?
Polar: You see, my block expires tomorrow and I’m gonna start something called the “Anti-Wumbo League”. It’s an organisation that will stop at nothing from demoting Patrick, and giving him a temporary block.
SpongeBot678: But temporary blocks are the most triggering and vile things anyone can get on the SpongeBob Fanon Wiki!
Polar: I know!
SpongeBot678: OK, but why are you explaining this whole “Anti-Wumbo League” thing to me, anyway?
Polar: I want YOU to join us!
SpongeBot678: Sorry, Polar, but the answer is “no”. I’m not joining in with one of your ridiculous schemes.
Polar: I’ll give you a virtual cookie!
SpongeBot678: I’m in!
(we see an outside shot of SpongeBob’s pineapple house at night, but night quickly turns into day, SpongeBob jumps out of bed)
SpongeBob: GOOD MORNING WORLD!
Man Sitting Behind SpongeBob and Patrick in the Cinema: SHUT UP!!!
SpongeBob: Um, what are you doing here?
Man Sitting Behind SpongeBob and Patrick in the Cinema: I’m, um… (pause) It’s kinda like… (pause) It’s sorta like…
SpongeBob: You’ve been hiding in my room waiting for this moment all night, haven’t you?
Man Sitting Behind SpongeBob and Patrick in the Cinema: No… (pause - his face turns red) OK, fine, I have! But this isn’t the last you’ll see of me! Man Sitting Behind SpongeBob and Patrick in the Cinema will return! (jumps out of SpongeBob’s window)
Squidward: (off-screen) MY LOVELY FLOWER GARDEN!
SpongeBob: (muttering) I’m gonna have to get him a Christmas present now… (speaking normally) Well, I know exactly what will cheer me up! (sits at his computer desk) Checking up on the SpongeBob Fanon Wiki! I wonder if Sandy’s wrote any fanfic about me… (giggles)
Narrator: As you may or may not know, turning on a computer and waiting for it to load up is a very lengthworthy and boring process, so we’ll skip this bit of the episode. But to apologize for this, here’s a picture of SpongeBob dressed as a kangaroo.
(we see a picture of SpongeBob dressed as a kangaroo before we cut to SpongeBob - or “FryCookDaBest” on the “Anti-Wumbo League” page)
SpongeBob: (shrieking in horror) ANTI-WUMBO LEAGUE? (patiently waits for the “Man Sitting Behind SpongeBob and Patrick in the Cinema” to show up again) No? Nothing? (pause) OK then. I guess the whole gag broke the whole “Rule of 3” anyway…
(SpongeBob - or “FryCookDaBest” - goes on Discord to find a big commotion going on)
GraniteToast1992: Matchy, stop clapping in class!
FireMatch: But I didn’t even-
DedodatedWumbo: YOU’LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE! I AM GOING TO BE ADMIN UNTIL… um… um… UNTIL I’M NOT ADMIN!
Polar: Look at me, I’m shaking!
FireMatch: WHAT THE-
SBCA: He hasn’t done anything wrong!
Polar: HE BLOCKED ME FOR NO VALID REASON!
SpongeBot678: I’m only in this for the cookies.
(cutaway gag to SpongeBot678 sitting at his laptop munching on chocolate chip cookies)
Weirdo123: WE WILL FIGHT TO THE END!
SBCA: Wait, you’re in this too?
Weirdo123: What? I like SpongeBob n’ Stuff…
(five second pause)
SBCA: o
FryCookDaBest: NO! YOU CAN’T DEMOTE PATRICK! He’s my friend… In fact, he’s more like a brother to me…
DedodatedWumbo: Thanks, pal.
FryCookDaBest: That’s OK, buddy.
FireMatch: Aww, get a room!
DedodatedWumbo: YOU CAN TRY TO ALL YOU CAN, BUT ONLY GENIUSES COME OUT VICTORIOUS! AND ME IS GENIUS!
SpongeBot678: YOU’LL NEVER WIN!
(cut back to SpongeBot678 eating cookies)
SpongeBot678: Because I have my cookies!
(cut back to Discord)
SBCA: Can we please not start drama every week?
Weirdo123: NO!
Polar: THIS. IS. WAR!
(cutaway gag to Polar sitting at her laptop wearing warpaint)
GraniteToast1992: You’re not serious, are you?
Weirdo123: Oh, we’re serious!
(cutaway gag to Weirdo123 sitting at her laptop wearing warpaint)
SpongeBot678: And we’re even wearing warpaint to prove how serious this is!
DedodatedWumbo: ARGH! THIS IS SERIOUS!
GraniteToast1992: But how serious?
FireMatch: Think the final Captain Underpants book.
GraniteToast1992: Ooh, this IS serious!
Polar: It’s proper warpaint too!
FryCookDaBest: That’s even more ‘serious-er’!
SBCA: This IS war, guys!
Polar: And the request for DedodatedWumbo to be demoted and given a temporary block for 24 hours is going live now!
DedodatedWumbo: NOT A TEMPORARY BLOCK!
FryCookDaBest: And for a whole twenty-four hours too!
GraniteToast1992: This is horrible!
DedodatedWumbo: No, Granite, we’re not having any of them in a family-friendly show.
GraniteToast1992: What?
DedodatedWumbo: Just don’t bring it up again.
FryCookDaBest: Patrick, what in the name of Neptune are you going on about?
DedodatedWumbo: I’m not on a boat!
FryCookDaBest: Nevermind. We have more important things to worry about, anyway!
Weirdo123: Like actually bothering to do homework?
FryCookDaBest: Even more important than that! Patrick’s entire adminship is at stake!
DedodatedWumbo: I SAID I’M NOT ON A SHIP!
Weirdo123: Well, I’m fighting for him to lose it so I couldn’t care less.
DedodatedWumbo: I DON’T EVEN HAVE A SHIP!
FryCookDaBest: Patrick, we have to do something!
DedodatedWumbo: Like what?
SpongeBot678: Let us win?
FryCookDaBest: NEVER!
SBCA: I’m staying out of this, by the way.
GraniteToast1992: Me too.
FireMatch: Me three.
GraniteToast1992: Stop clapping in class.
FireMatch: WHAT-
SBCA: If I side with the League, I have the Best Friends Squadron raging at me, but if I side with them, I have a bunch of blasted buffoons throwing tantrums left, right and center!
GraniteToast1992: Hey! I’m not like that!
Weirdo123: Well you are a bit childish. I mean, your profile picture is straight from Captain Underpants and you’re a Thomas and Friends fanatic!
GraniteToast1992: I’m not exactly a T&F fanatic, I’m just “interested” in it. Oh, and I watch stuff like Nostalgia Critic and the Angry Video Game Nerd, so I’m not THAT childish!
SpongeBot678: Nostalgia Critic? That’s not nearly as manly as Caillou!
DedodatedWumbo: You still watch Caillou? I grew out of that when I was eighteen!
Polar: You can’t exactly talk, tubby!
(pause)
DedodatedWumbo: Wait… tubby?
Polar: You’re right, tubby!
DedodatedWumbo: Tubby? Tubby?
(cut to Patrick crying at his “Persandal Computer”)
Patrick: He called me “tubby”!
Squidward: (off-screen) WILL YOU KEEP THE NOISE DOWN?
(cut back to Discord)
FryCookDaBest: How do you say that about my friend! I can hear him crying from here!
Polar: What? I only called him ‘tubby’!
SBCA: That’s right out of order, Polar!
Weirdo123: How’d you like it if I called you “tubby”?
FireMatch: That’s on page one of the “Big Book Of Bad Words”!
Polar: What’s wrong with that?
DedodatedWumbo: You bully!
Polar: I really think you guys are overreacting.
SBCA: Right, that’s it, Polar. As a crat of the SpongeBob Fanon Wiki, I am giving you a temporary block.
Polar: NOT A TEMPORARY BLOCK!
Weirdo123: That’s the most triggering and vile thing anyone can get on the wiki!
SBCA: I know, right? And after this, I don’t think anyone will be supporting the demotion request for Patrick!
FryCookDaBest: You mean Patrick’s staying as an admin?
SBCA: Most likely.
DedodatedWumbo: HOORAY!
FireMatch: hi discord crib readers
(cut to SBCA direct messaging Polar)
SBCA: OK, your temporary block starts now.
Polar: Ugh.
(after a five second pause, SBCA begins typing again)
SBCA: OK, your temporary block’s over now.
Polar: o
(cut to SpongeBob and Patrick walking around Bikini Bottom town)
SpongeBob: Well, buddy, it all worked out in the end, didn’t it? Silly ol’ Polar got what she deserved, and you’re still an admin!
Patrick: I never doubted things not working out for a second.
SpongeBob: (confused) You didn’t?
Patrick: Nope.
SpongeBob: Well, here’s something you can’t say “nope” to! How about we head over to Goofy Goober’s for a celebratory Sundae?
Patrick: I don’t see why a couple would hurt.
SpongeBob and Patrick: HOORAY!
Man Sitting Behind SpongeBob and Patrick in the Cinema: SHUT UP!!!
(SpongeBob and Patrick stop walking)
SpongeBob: (rolls eyes) Oh, so NOW you show up!
(cut to GraniteToast1992 sitting on his couch in his living room)
GraniteToast1992: (sighs with relief) Ah! I’m finally alone! Time for ol’ Granite to catch up with the more… “important” things in life. (switches on Thomas & Friends on the TV - the theme song kicks in and the credits roll)
(fin)
== Deleted Scene ==
SBCA: But how do WE know that you’re actually wearing warpaint?
Weirdo123: Hold on, I’ll just post an image.
Narrator: Remember kids, always ask an adult before posting an image of yourself on the internet. (pause) Even if you’re old enough to not have to ask an adult anymore.
(cut to Weirdo123 sitting at her laptop)
Weirdo123: MOM! Can I post an image of myself on the chat room?
Weirdo123’s Mom: (off-screen) Why not?
Weirdo123: Thanks!
Weirdo123’s Mom: (off-screen, muttering) Teenagers…
Narrator: Another length-worthy and boring process of life is when teenage girls take pictures of themselves. So we’ll skip this bit too. Unfortunately, I don’t have any more images to show you, so, yeah.
(we see Weirdo123’s computer screen as she struggles to upload the image of herself onto Discord, it takes a good ten seconds for it to finally upload)
DedodatedWumbo: ARGH! THIS IS SERIOUS!
Category:2018
Category:SpongeBob's NEW Fanon Wiki
Category:Episodes
Category:2018 Episodes
Category:Transcripts
Category:Episode transcripts
Category:2018 Transcripts
Category:GraniteToast1992 3.0
Category:Thatjess
Category:CrazySponge
Category:Episodes Written By Thatjess
Category:Monorail TV
Category:PI
Category:2010s