Assisting the Police with Their Enquiries for the Last Time in the Series

==Opening remarks==
*Michael: Every man likes an evening out with the boys now and then. The Navy is no exception to this rule, particularly if one of them is skint and the others still have a bob or two left.
*Phillips: He does this chatting nonsense full time, does he?
*Murray: Who? Oh, Mr De Morgan. Yes, he's supplied by the BBC along with the furniture and fittings.
*Pertwee: Furniture and fittings? Oh, you mean that three-legged card table with a primer stove and a kettle on it they call a canteen?
*Murray: Yeah that's right, the one with a cup chained to it.
*Pertwee: Yeah, well never you mind that Sir, look if he's full time does that mean he'll be working next week and earning a bob or two?
*Michael: Course I am. The announcers don't just do one series like you lot, we work all the year round.
*Phillips: Really? And they pay you all the time, do they?
*Michael: Of course.
*Phillips: Interesting.
*Murray: Very.
*Pertwee: Yeah well that means while, whilst we're all round the labour exchange Mr De Morgan will still be copping lolly.
*Murray: Exactly.
*Phillips: Ye-es. Makes you think doesn't it, mmm?
*Murray: Ye-es.
*Phillips: Ye-es.
*Pertwee: Lovely voice.
*Murray: Impeccable pronunciation.
*Phillips: Perfectly turned out at all times.
*Pertwee: A joy to work with.
*Murray: Always punctual.
*Phillips: Never a word out of place.
*Pertwee: Generous to a fault.
*Murray: Highly thought of at Broadcasting House.
*Phillips: Respected by his colleagues.
*Pertwee: Should have had the O.B.E. years ago.
*Michael: Not a penny. You can follow me around for months but not a penny.
*Pertwee: Well. Oh well, shout on skin-flint but don't expect us to giggle at you.
*Phillips: He'd probably make a mistake anyway.
*Murray: Mmm, usually does.
*Pertwee: Oh, I think his tatty turn out makes him nervous.
*Michael: Doh shut up, d'you hear me? Shut up!
*Pertwee: Oh! Oh, temper, temper.
*Phillips: Drunk with power just because he's still working next week I suppose.
*Murray: Yeah, we'll see he gets a nasty slap on the wrist from the Director General for that.
*Michael: I don't care. I'm a human being an I can take so much. For eighteen weeks you've insulted my clothes, you've suggested my hair was a wig, you told me I drop my Hs when I read the news, you said my trousers were shiny and I, I was common. A, and just not you're class of person. Well I'm not. I'm a decent chap. Which is more than can be said for you lot so read your filling announcement for yourself. I'm going back to Broadcasting House for my cup of BBC issued John Snagge approved instant cocoa. Goodbye. Forever!
*Phillips: Ooh. Do you think we said something to upset him?
*Murray: Oh hardly. No take no notice. You read the announcement Mr Phillips. Just pretend nothing's happened.
*Phillips: Me Sir? Oh, right. Erm. (clears throat) Err, Ladies and gentlemen.
*Michael: Stop! One out, the lot out. Michael De Morgan makes the announcements. Ladies and gentlemen, all the chaps like an evening out with the boys. Especially a chap like C.P.O. Pertwee, when he's skint, and the boys he's out with in the pub haven't realised it... yet.
Category:Episodes
Category:Episodes with alternate titles
Category:Season 10