Russian Salami

Russian Salami is the 1st episode of season 1 of The Adventures of Travis and Tim!. It released Jan 3rd, 2019.
== Cast ==
* Travis
* Tim
== Transcript ==
(Ep starts with tim inside his living room eating a russian salami sandwich)
Travis: (walks in) mmmm, tim! That sure looks like a tasty sandwich! What's in it?
Tim: it's salami, man!
Travis: Salami? Salami?! Mmmmmm salami!
Tim: it's russian salami.
Travis: russian salami? That's even better! Can i have a bite?
Tim: sure, travis!
Travis: Great, let me ju- uh, where's the sandwich?
Tim: what? Oh shit, i must've eaten it all!
Travis: Oh no!!!!!!!! B-but you still have some Russian salami, right?
Tim: uh, let me check
(Tim walks out and back in a few seconds later)
Tim: uhhhhhhhhh no.
Travis: (falls on knees) NOOOOOOOO!
Tim: fear not,FAKOAJDIEEKI, I have a solution.
Travis: (wipes tears) what?
Tim: you and i could venture to Russia and retrieve some of that delicious salami!
Travis: let's do it!
Tim: we just need some passports and some-
(The tv turns on and Alvin!!!!! and the chipmunks theme song plays)
Travis: ooh, alvin! (Singing along) watch out-
(Cuts to travis with a blindfold on. Tim takes it off revealing they're on a plane.)
Travis: wow! How did you get us on this plan so fast?
Tim: let's say i had to hack into a few things… hehehe. (Opens laptop)
(Cuts to the pilot flying the plane)
Pilot: (humming, then stops) What the- ach! I cant control the plane! Damn Russians!!
(Cuts back)
Pilot: (through speakers) im afraid we're being hijacked! I cant control the plane!
(Passengers scream
(Cuts to the 2 parachuting to the ground)
Tim: aaand we're here!
(The plane crashes in the background)
Travis: woo! We're here!
Tim: I just said that.
Man: (in background) oh my god, my family is dead!
Tim: now let's go to the store!
(Cuts to inside a russian store)
Cashier: чем я могу тебе помочь?
Travis: i don't speak russian-
Tim: привет сэр, у вас есть русская салями? также привет всем, кто потратил время на перевод этого.
Cashier: нет, я не.
Tim: Damnit! He doesnt have any.
Travis: i guess we're going russian salamiless…
Tim: WAIT! i know a place where we can get some r.s… the forests of Russia.
(Cut to the both of them venturing through a forest)
Travis: I've gotten bitten by 5 mosquitos and i think 4 of them had malaria.
Tim: shh, look!
(Cuts to reveal a whole breed of live russian salamies)
Travis: oh my god!
Tim: (holds gun) i just need precision, and… (shoots gun) got one!
Travis: woooo! We're gonna be eating tonight!
Tim: wait, shhh again! It's the queen russian salami!
(Cuts to reveal a huge Russian Salami)
Tim: if we kill that one we'll eat like kings! Ready… Aim…. (Fires) YES! I INJURED IT!
Travis: Shoot it again!
Tim: (repeatedly shoots it) yesss!!!! We did it! I- (a huge shadow falls over them) uh…
(Shot changes to reveal en enormous russian salami)
Tim: (nervous laugh) hi… (grabs the queen's corpse and runs) book it!
Travis: aa- (gets trampled by russian salami king)
(Cuts to then at their house eating the corpse of the queen while in casts)
Travis: only 3 more weeks until our bones repair!
Tim: i cant feel my legs…
Travis: let's just continue eating our new catch!
Tim: ok! Oh god, i think my arms also broke…
Category:2019 Episodes
Category:2019 Transcripts
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