Looney Tunes Intro Bloopers Season 3 Complete Full Length Version by davemadson enterprises inc.

Sam: Places everyone! Roll camera! Cue the shield!
(WB without those captions)
Sam: Uh, Scotty?
Scotty: You sent for me, Sam?
Sam: Where are the captions?
Scotty: You said "cue the shield," so I cued the shield.
Sam: Yeah, but where are the captions?
Mike: They've gone on strike.
Mary: Captions Union Local 123.
Anna: The captions want more money.
Sam: Get those captions back to work or they're fired!
Dave: Watch it, Sam! You shouldn't be such a control freak anyway.
Sam: Yessir. Asswipe!
Dave: I heard that!
(The captions Warner Bros. Pictures Inc. Presents without the WB Shield)
Jimmy: Well, look at that!
Hank: First the shield without captions, now the captions without the shield.
Guy: The captions came back, but the shield's gone on strike! Hahahahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
Sam: Don't steal my laugh lines, Guy!
Beulah: Chill out, Sam!
Abby: You don't own that laugh line, remember?
Sam: They're right, Sam.
Don't get upset when people use your laugh line.
Remain
calm.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP!
THAT LAUGH LINE BELONGS TO ME AND ANYONE WHO STEALS IT IS A THIEF, YOU HEAR ME?
THIEF THIEF THIEF THIEF THIEF THIEF THIEF THIEF!!
*BOOM!!*
Anna: Sam? Are you all right?
Sam: I'm all right, Anna. I just get so pissed off by people stealing my laugh line.
Anna: It's nothing to get upset over. You'll have to accept it sooner or later, okay?
Sam: Okay, Anna. I'll try, but it won't be easy.
(WD)
(Wild Ducks)
LH Michael: Wild Ducks Pictures presents:
LH Michelle: "The World is Quackers!" Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
(W-7)
(Warner Bros. - Seven Arts)
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: You bellowed, Saaaaaaaaaaaam?
Sam: This is not Warner Bros.-Seven Arts and it's not 1967, you dig?
Scotty: I'm no clock-watcher! Sheesh!
Dave: Shush the sheesh, Scotty!
Sam: Dave, you tell one more person to shush the sheesh and I'll sic the Sheesh Alliance on you!
Dave: You do that, Sam, and I'll call the Shush the Sheesh Foundation!
(V-8)
(Oh, Wow! I Could've Had a V-8!)
Mike: Oh wow!
Mary: I could've had a V8!
Anna: V8, twice the size of a V4! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
Sam: Scotty, come here!
Scotty: Oh brother! Not another lecture!
Sam: Yes, another lecture. You don't seem to know what should be on the shield.
Scotty: Judas Priest, Sam! Every time you lecture me, you make me feel like a second grade kid in school!
Sam: This is the WB Shield, Scotty.
Scotty: I've got eyes, Sam! I wasn't born yesterday, you know! I don't need any lectures from you to tell me what the WB Shield looks like! Sheesh!
Dave: Shush the sheesh!
Sam: Hello? Get me the Speaker of the House of Representatives in Washington, DC, please.
Dave: Sam! What are you doing?
Sam: Hello? Mr. Speaker? Could you guys in Congress pass a law banning the Shush the Sheesh Foundation?
Dave: Oh no you don't, Sam! Guy, cut the line!
Guy: Will do, Dave!
(YD)
("You're Despicable!" ---Daffy Duck)
Daffy Duck: You're desssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssspicable!
Sam: Hello? Hello? All right, Dave, did you have the line cut?
Dave: Yes, Sam. I heard you trying to get Congress to ban the Shush the Sheesh Foundation. The President would have vetoed the bill on the ground that endless sassing would have resulted.
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!
Sam: I won't take any more of your sassing me! You're fired!
Scotty: Fired?
FIRED!?
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!
MICROSOFT SAM, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO FIRE ME!
RE-HIRE ME OR I'LL KILL MYSELF AND IF YOU DENY RESPONSIBILITY YOU'D BE GUILTY OF PERJURY, YOU HEAR ME?
GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY!!
*BOOM!!*
Beulah: Scotty! Are you all right?
Scotty: I'm all right, Beulah. Why does Sam keep firing me every time I protest his control-freak attitude?
Beulah: Don't take it so hard, Scotty. I'll see if we can get Sam to re-hire you.
Scotty: Thanks, Beulah. That makes me feel a whole lot better.
Dave: And me too!
Sam: Aha! Fraternizing with a person I'd fired! This is mutiny! Get the rope!
(Angry P-Head and Two-Headed P-Head)
Angry P-Head: You're not hanging anybody, Microsoft Sam!
Two-Headed P-Head: You bring back Radar Overseer Scotty or there will be serious consequences!
Sam: AAAAAAGGGGHHH!! Not the Angry P-Head and the Two-Headed P-Head! Send them back! Now!
Anna: Calm down, Sam. You should know better than to let parodies of logos scare you.
Sam: You're right, Anna. But it's all Radar Overseer Scotty's fault!
Scotty: I deny that, Sam!
Sam: Liar, liar, pants on fire!
Angry P-Head: Don't give us any ideas, Microsoft Sam!
Two-Headed P-Head: Radar Overseer Scotty did not coax us into coming here.
Angry P-Head: We're here on orders of the Devil and She-Devil.
Two-Headed P-Head: Since davemadson put a restriction on their appearances in his videos, they sent us to torment all of you.
Sam: I still say it's Scotty's fault, and this mutineer deserves eternal torment for it!
Scotty: You double-crosser, Sam! I am not a mutineer!
Sam: You are too a mutineer!
Scotty: I am not!
Sam: You are too!
Scotty: I am not!
Sam: You are too!
Angry P-Head: You are all equally guilty!
Two-Headed P-Head: If you don't surrender your souls, we will shit all over you!
Sam: You'll never take us alive! Never!
Anna: And don't you dare get filthy with us, you evil logo parodies!
Angry P-Head: Enough! Shall we let them have it?
Two-Headed P-Head: Let's do it! Bombs away!
(CENSORED)
[PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP]
Sam: Gugh! Not again! Eeeewww! Eeeeeewwww!
[Sam barfing]
Scotty: Look what you did to me! Eeeewww! Eeeeeewwww!
[Scotty barfing]
Beulah: Sick! Gross! Eeeewww! Eeeeeewwww!
[Beulah barfing]
Dave: Filthmongers! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeeeewwww!
[Dave barfing]
Anna: How dare you evil logo parodies get filthy with us! Take that!
[Anna releasing power to the Angry P-Head and the Two-Headed P-Head]
*GIGANTIC EXPLOSION!!*
Angry P-Head: Curses! Foiled again!
Two-Headed P-Head: You win this time, but we'll be back!
Anna Reading: Later, after Sam, Scotty, Beulah and Dave got cleaned up and Sam apologized to Scotty and re-hired him...
(FU)
Mike: Fu?
Mary: As in Manchu?
Anna: Fu Manchu! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
Sam: Who's the insubordinate that put "F-U" on the shield?
Scotty: Not me.
Jimmy: Not me.
Hank: Not me.
Guy: Not me.
Sam: Let me remind you that you're never supposed to say "F-U" to your boss.
Dave: Probably the Angry P-Head and Two-Headed P-Head in retaliation for being beaten back.
Sam: They said "F-U" to me? Well, I say "F-U" back to them! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
(PU)
LH Michael: "P-U?"
LH Michelle: That shield's becoming a real stinker! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
(Warner Bros. Pictures Inc. Presents - "That's all Folks!")
Beulah: Warner Bros. Pictures presents "That's all Folks?"
Abby: What a short picture that was! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
Scotty: Oops! Methinks I goofed again!
Sam: Youthinks right, Scotty. Let's try once more.
Dave: Uh, not now, Sam. It's getting late. Let's pick it up there in the morning.
Sam: Places everyone!
Sidney: Ready when you are, Microsoft Sam!
Scotty: Just remember, Sidney: the shield is tricky.
Jimmy: And so are the captions.
Hank: Jimmy and I were a bit nervous at first, and so was Guy.
Guy: But then we got over it.
Sam: Roll camera! Cue the shield!
(WB)
(Waffle Bros.)
Mike: Waffle Brothers?
Mary: The Waffle Brothers meet the Pancake Sisters! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Sam: Not "Waffle Bros.," "Warner Bros."
Sidney: I read you loud and clear, Sam.
(WB)
(Warner Blazers)
Anna: Warner Blazers? Who are they?
Sidney: My old high school football team. I was a quarterback.
Beulah: How did you do, Sidney?
Sidney: I threw one pass.
Abby: For a touchdown?
Sidney: What touchdown? I threw a pass at a cheerleader.
Dave: Not much of a football career, was it?
Sidney: She was the one who tackled me.
(WC)
(Wild Chase)
LH Michael: Wild Chase Pictures presents:
LH Michelle: "Catch Us If You Can."
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: You bellowed, Saaaaaaaaaaaam?
Sam: It's not WC, it's WB, capeesh?
Scotty: In the words of Steve Martin, well excuuuuuuuuuuuuse meee!
(WD)
(Wet Diapers)
Mike: Wet Diapers? What is this, a nursery?
Mary: Wet Diapers? Eeeewww! Eeeewww!
[Mary barfing]
(WH)
(Water Hose)
Sam: RADAR OVERSEER SCOTTY!!
Scotty: MICROSOFT SAM!!
Dave: Simmer down, you two.
Sidney: Dave's right, Sam. You'll gain nothing by firing Scotty over something as trivial as these bloopers.
Sam: There is nothing trivial about it and if you interfere once more, Sidney, you, Scotty and Dave will all be fired!
(JK)
(Just Kidding!)
Sam: Just kidding! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
(W2)
(Tax Form)
Beulah: W2 tax forms?
Abby: We all did our taxes last year.
Sam: Except for Scotty.
Scotty: Sheesh!
(SA)
(Sheesh Alliance)
Dave: Scotty didn't do his taxes? For shame! And what's Sam doing with this silly Sheesh Alliance?
Sam: It was a joke, Dave. Scotty did his taxes like everyone else. But the Sheesh Alliance is real.
Dave: Well, take this, excessive sheesher!
(SS)
(Shush the Sheesh Foundation)
Dave: The Shush the Sheesh Foundation. Dedicated to protecting the innocent from excessuve barrages of sheeshes.
Sam: Take it easy, Sam.
It's only an organization.
Remain
calm.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP!
DAVEMADSON, I DON'T CARE IF THIS IS YOUR FUCKING VIDEO!
I NEED SOME AUTHORITY AND I SAY THE SHUSH THE SHEESH FOUNDATION SHOULD BE DECLARED A CRIMINAL ORGANIZATION, YOU HEAR ME?
CRIMINAL CRIMINAL CRIMINAL CRIMINAL CRIMINAL CRIMINAL CRIMINAL CRIMINAL!!
*BOOM!!*
(Red NYET)
Sam: AAAAAAAAGGGGHHHH!! What in the blessed name of Elvis is that thing?
Red NYET: I am the Red NYET!
Mike: A Red NYET?
Mary: Did it come from Russia?
Anna: From Russia with love? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Red NYET: The Red NYET has no love. The Red NYET has come for all of you!
Dave: Who sent you here, Red NYET?
Red NYET: The Devil and She-Devil sent me here to claim all of your as their own.
Scotty: We have done nothing wrong.
Jimmy: We all believe in God.
Hank: We have crosses to raise high.
Guy: And raise them to the sky.
Sidney: Tell the Devil and She-Devil I don't believe in them because I'm Jewish.
Red NYET: If you don't surrender your souls, I will shit all over you!
Anna: Don't you dare get filthy with us! Take that!
[Anna releasing power to the Red NYET]
*B-B-B-BOOM!!*
Anna: It's all right, Sam. The Red NYET won't bother us again.
Sam: Thanks, Anna. You saved my life again.
(Devil and She-Devil)
(ViD Theme)
Devil: So! You stood up to the Red NYET!
She-Devil: Do you think you can stand up to us?
Sam: Get thee behind us, Devil and She-Devil!
Dave: By my count, you sent three scary logos at us and we beat them all back.
Devil: You still have to reckon with our powers, davemadson.
She-Devil: If you just surrender to me, Dave, I'll take you places you never dreamed of going.
Angel: Caught you again, Devil and She-Devil!
God: You never know when to quit, do you?
Devil: No more interference! I mean it!
She-Devil: Our claim on davemadson and his friends is justified and any interference will be met with untold devastation!
God: Unacceptable! Take that!
[God releasing power to The Devil and She-Devil]
*GIGANTIC EXPLOSION!!*
[The Devil and She-Devil falling back]
*LOUD CRASH!!*
Devil: Curses! Foiled again! One of these days, davemadson and his friends will be ours forever!
She-Devil: And a curse on anyone who tries to prevent our statements from becoming prophetic!
Angel: Your curses are in vain, you infernal monsters!
God: Sore losers, yes. Prophets, no.
Devil: Oh sphincter!
(U2)
Beulah: U2. I just love their music.
Abby: So do I. I once got Bono's autograph.
(Blank Shield)
Scotty: Uh-oh! Methinks I goofed again.
Sidney: Don't blame yourself, Scotty. If I hadn't accidentally kicked that can of paint over...
Sam: So! I knew all along you'd be screwing up the Looney Tunes intro, Sidney! Pack up! You're fired!
Dave: Sam, re-hire Sidney immediately, or I'll call Mr. Warner!
Sam: Never! Sidney's firing is justified, you hear? Justified! And if you say "justified my ass" again, I'll justify your ass, but good!
Dave: Don't you dare threaten me, Microsoft Sam! I'm telling Mr. Warner on you!
Sam: If you bring Sidney back, Dave, you're a dead man! You hear me? D-E-A-D dead!
(MS)
(Microsoft Sam Productions Inc.)
Mr. Warner: Microsoft Sam, are you threatening davemadson's life over the issue of Sidney's employment here at davemadson productions inc.?
Sam: Not "davemadson productions inc.," Mr. Warner, "Microsoft Sam Productions Inc." I've taken over this studio and davemadson is fired, you hear me? F-I-R-E-D fired!
Dave: Take it easy, Dave.
Sam's being a control freak again.
Stay
cool.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum
is
coming
on!
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!
MICROSOFT SAM, HOW DARE YOU USURP MY STUDIO!
I'LL HAVE MR. WARNER NAIL YOU TO THE WB SHIELD FOR THIS
YOU PIRATE PIRATE PIRATE PIRATE PIRATE PIRATE PIRATE PIRATE!!
*BOOM!!*
Mr. Warner: Now look what you did, Microsoft Sam! You made davemadson throw a tantrum! Re-hire him and Sidney immediately or I'll nail you to the WB shield again!
Sam: Oh noes! Not that! No no no no no no no no no no no no no nooooooooooooooooooooo!!
Mr. Warner: Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyes! And I mean it this time!
Sam: Okay. I know when I'm licked. Dave and Sidney, you're both re-hired.
Dave: Thanks, Sam.
Sidney: Thanks, Sam.
(Warner Bros. Pictures Inc. Presents -- That's all Folks!)
LH Michael: Warner Bros. Pictures presents That's all Folks?
LH Michelle: Where's the rest of the cartoon?
Sidney: I guess we forgot it.
Dave: Sam got so obsessed with getting the Looney Tunes intro right that we all forgot about the rest of the picture.
Sam: I'm sorry for acting like a control freak. I guess I'm just cursed with perfectionism.
Anna: That's all right, Sam. I still love you.
Dave: Let's all go out to eat, gang.
Sidney: Great idea, Dave! Where are we going?
Dave: Where else?
Dave reading: CHEZ MONYOU!!!
Sam: Oh gastritis!
Sam: Places, everyone! Roll camera! Shoe the keeld!
Sidney: What's a keeld?
Sam: What did you say, Sidney?
Sidney: I said "what's a keeld"?
Sam: I'm not sure I follow you, Sidney.
Dave: You said "shoe the keeld", Sam, and Sidney just asked what a keeld is.
Mike: Does a keeld wear shoes?
Mary: Or does it go barefoot?
Anna: Sam's moving in for a keeld! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Dave: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Sam: What's so funny, Dave?
Dave: "Shoe the keeld!" Hahahahahahahahahahaha soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
Sam: Steal my laugh line once more, Dave, and I'll shoe your keeld!
Sidney: I get it! "Shoe the keeld" is a spoonerism of "cue the shield"!
(Cut to the Looney Tunes rings and the theme song plays, but nothing appears and the theme screeches to a halt.)
Sam: Hold on! I'm the director! I'm the one who says "cue the shield".
Sidney: Sorry I jumped on you.
Sam: Roll camera! Cue the shield!
(The Warner Bros. Shield zooms in, but it only has "W" with no "B".)
Sam: Uh, Scotty?
Scotty: What, Sam?
Sam: Where's the B?
Scotty: Back in the hi--
Jimmy: Take it easy, Scotty!
Hank: You know Sam gets pissed off when he asks "Where's the B" and you say "Back in the hive".
Guy: That joke is so old.
Sam: How old is it?
Dave: So old that Adam told it to Eve in the Garden of Eden.
(The WB Shield appears again, but it only has "B" with no "W".)
Beulah: Ah, here's the B.
Abby: But where's the W?
Mike: Probably went to the hive to retrieve the B! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Sam: (screams angrily) ASSWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPE!!
Mike: Take it easy, Mike. Sam just had a gut reaction. Stay. Cool. Uh-oh! Tantrum. Coming. On. Now! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT! EVERY TIME I TEASE MICROSOFT SAM HE CALLS ME AN ASSWIPE! WELL, SAM, I WANT YOU TO STOP IT, YOU HEAR ME? STOP IT YOU SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH!!! (BOOM!!)
(The WB Shield appears again, but the letters are gone!)
LH Michael: Look, Michelle; a blank shield.
LH Michelle: It must be a fan of "Match Game".
Sam: (screams again) SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYY!
Scotty: (screams back) SAAAAAAAAAAAAM!
Sam: Don't mock me, Scotty. Where are the letters?
Scotty: Don't get so hyper, Sam. You wanted the shield, didn't you?
Sam: But where are the letters?
Scotty: Coming right up, you tyrant!
Sam: I AM NOT A TYRANT!
(The letters "WB" zoom in without the shield!)
Dave: Letters, we get letters.
Sidney: We get your letters every day.
Sam: (screams again) SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: (screams again) Quit yelling at me, Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam!
Sam: I want the letters on the shield, you hear me?! The letters on the shield!
Scotty: All right, all right! Sheesh!
Dave: (in a low voice) Shush the sheesh!
(The WB Shield appears again, but it zooms in even closer and instead of "WB", it literally says "The letters on the shield!")
Mike: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Did you see that, Mary?
Mary: Sam wanted the letters on the shield and look what he got!
Anna: The shield says "The letters on the shield"! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Sam: (snaps) RADAR OVERSEER SCOTTY!! YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU'RE FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRED!!!
Scotty: Fired?...FIRED!?...NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT! NOT AGAIN, MICROSOFT SAM! THINK OF MY FAMILY AND MY LOVED ONES! IF YOU DON'T RE-HIRE ME I'LL KILL MYSELF AND YOU'LL BE HELD RESPONSIBLE YOU DOOFUS DOOFUS DOOFUS DOOFUS DOOFUS DOOFUS DOOFUS DOOFUS!!! (BOOM!!)
Dave: You heard him, Sam! If you don't re-hire him, I'm telling Mr. Warner on you!
Sam: (grabs Scotty) Bullshit! Scotty's firing is justified, you hear?! Justified!
Scotty: Put me down, you control freak!
Beulah: (angrily) You heard him, Sam! Do you want Mr. Warner to nail you to the WB Shield again?
Dave: Re-hire Scotty or I call Mr. Warner!
(In an act of criminal offense, Sam sets Scotty down and takes him hostage. He puts a gun to Scotty's head.)
Sam: You'll do nothing of the kind, Dave!
Scotty: (distressed) Sam, get that goddamn gun out of my face!
Sam: (announces) Don't make any move to call Mr. Warner or Radar Overseer Scotty gets a hole in the head! I mean it!
(The WB Shield appears again, but in response to Sam's hostage-taking of Scotty, the captions say "Warner Bros. Pictures Inc. Resents...MICROSOFT SAM!")
Officer Flanigan: (appears) What's going on here?
Dave: Microsoft Sam's holding Scotty hostage, Officer Flanigan.
Officer Flanigan: All right, Microsoft Sam, what's the big idea? Release Radar Overseer Scotty immediately!
(Sam continues to aim his gun to Scotty's head.)
Sam: No dice, Officer! I demand ransom!
Dave: Ransom?
Sam: Promise not to tell Mr. Warner and I'll let Scotty live.
Dave: And you'll re-hire Scotty?
Sam: Why should I re-hire a chronic insubordinate?
Dave: Because I outrank you in this studio, that's why!
Officer Flanigan: Release Scotty now and I promise no charges will be filed against you.
(Reluctantly, Sam finally releases Scotty.)
Sam: Well, all right. You talked me into it.
Officer Flanigan: But next time, watch it!
Scotty: Gee, it feels good to be free again.
Beulah: (hugs Scotty) Oh Scotty! I love you!
Scotty: (hugs Beulah) I love you too.
(Furiously, Sam holds the two at gunpoint, thus taking them both hostage.)
Sam: Oh no you don't! I disapprove of your being together! Scotty, if you even propose to Beulah, you're both dead, you hear me?! D-E-A-D dead!
Dave: Don't make me bring Officer Flanigan back to arrest you!
(Sam turns his attention to Dave and points his gun at him.)
Sam: If you do, Dave, I'll sic the Devil and She-Devil on you!
Dave: And if you do that, Sam, I'll call on God and the Angel to beat them back.
Sam: All right, davemadson, you asked for it!
(The Devil and She-Devil show up in the Looney Tunes rings with the VID Theme accompanying them.)
Beulah: (shocked) Oh noes! Not the Devil and She-Devil again!
Abby: (shocked) Grab hold of the nearest cross!
Devil: Hands off of those roods!
She-Devil: You know they make our tails grow limp!
Dave: No, no, no, no, NO! Sam, don't you know I got a restriction on the Devil and She-Devil's appearances in my videos?! Get them out of here!
Officer Flanigan: Microsoft Sam, I'm putting you under arrest for taking Scotty and Beulah hostage.
Sam: (protests) Stay right where you're at, Officer! One false move, and I'll have the Devil and She-Devil torment not only Scotty and Beulah but davemadson as well!
Dave: I lift my call to God Almighty.
God: (appears) I hear your call, davemadson.
Angel: (appears) Are these infernal imps bothering you again?
Dave: Truth is, Sam coaxed them into coming here.
Sam: (fiercely) You stoolie, Dave!
God: For shame, Microsoft Sam! I should just let the Devil and She-Devil torment you for your actions here.
Devil: You see? Even the Almighty says Sam's actions are shameful.
She-Devil: All the more reason for us to claim him.
Dave: Get thee behind me, Devil and She-Devil! I stand unmoved by your wicked, wicked ways.
She-Devil: (grabs Dave) Wanna bet, Dave? You and I need some time alone together.
Beulah: (shocked) Jeez Louise! The She-Devil's taken Dave hostage!
Abby: (angrily, to the She-Devil) You leave Dave alone! He's mine!
She-Devil: (turns to Abby) Do you mind? Away with you!
(The She-Devil zaps Abby until it results in an explosion, knocking her out.)
SFX: BOOM!!
(Abby is now on the floor, unconscious with her clothes damaged.)
Beulah: (alarmed) Abby!
Devil: She'll be in our hands soon enough.
She-Devil: (still holding Dave) If our demands are not met by midnight, everyone in this studio will be ours forever!
Angel: What demands?
Devil: Let me take control of Microsoft Sam.
She-Devil: And let me take control of davemadson. I like his style.
Dave: Really, She-Devil! You're too dangerous for me!
Abby: (wakes up, dazed) Who...what...where am I?
Beulah: Relax, Abby. You'll be all right.
Devil: That's far enough!
She-Devil: Give us Sam and Dave or we'll shit all over you!
God: Unacceptable! Take that!
(He zaps the Devil and She-Devil until it culminates in a massive explosion. The words "GIGANTIC EXPLOSION!!" appear.)
SFX: B-B-B-B-BOOM!!!
(The Devils fall down through the Looney Tunes rings.)
SFX: LOUD CRASH!!
Devil: (dazed) Curses! Foiled again!
She-Devil: (dazed) Oh davemadson, I wish one day the two of us could be alone together.
Dave: (offscreen) The only way that would happen is if Hell freezes over.
She-Devil: (dazed) Oh sphincter!
(Fade out, then fade back into the rings again with text of narration over them, concerning the aftermath of the hostage incident.)
Sidney: (narrating) Officer Flanigan took Sam into custody and booked him on charges of hostage-taking. Dave re-hired Scotty and took over the task of directing. And the Looney Tunes Intro Bloopers continue...
(Instead of the WB Shield, the caption "Warner Bros. Pictures Inc." zooms in.)
Dave: No, that's not right.
(Instead of the WB Shield, the caption "Presents" zooms in.)
Mike: Presents?
Mary: You have presents for me?
Anna: If they release Sam, I hope he'll buy me presents.
Dave: It won't be easy. Hostage-taking is a serious offense.
(Instead of the WB Shield, the Looney Tunes caption zooms in.)
Scotty: Uh-oh! Methinks I goofed again.
Jimmy: Youthinks right, Scotty.
Hank: The shield should come in before the Looney Tunes caption.
Guy: Will they release Sam anytime soon?
Sidney: If the case goes to trial, I don't see that happening.
(Instead of the WB Shield, the Merrie Melodies caption zooms in.)
Mary: They're playing my song again.
LH Michael: You always say that when the Merrie Melodies caption appears?
Mary: I can't help it, LH Michael.
LH Michelle: That's understandable. I'd react the same way if the caption said "LH Michelle Melodies".
Dave: I just got off the phone with Officer Flanigan.
Beulah: What did he say, Dave?
Dave: Thanks to confessions from Sam and a plea deal, he won't see any jail time.
Abby: That's a relief, Dave.
Dave: However, he will need psychiatric care, since he suffered a relapse into control freak tendencies.
Anna: I'll burn a candle in the window for him.
(Instead of the WB Shield, the phrase "That's all, Folks!" zooms in.)
Sidney: Not again, Scotty.
Scotty: Sorry. I just haven't been the same since that hostage incident.
Beulah: (hugs Scotty) Don't worry, Scotty. I still love you.
Scotty: (hugs Beulah) And I still love you too, Beulah.
Abby: And I love you, Dave.
Dave: I love you too, Abby. Let's take the rest of the day off and pick things up in the morning. 
Prologue (Looney Tunes Intro Bloopers 59: Hostages)
Robosoft 3 Reading: In our last episode of Looney Tunes Intro Bloopers…
Robosoft 3 Narrating: "Microsoft Sam, lapsing into control-freak tendencies again, took Radar Overseer Scotty hostage. Officer Flanigan arrested Sam on the spot, but not before Sam summoned up the Devil and She-Devil to torment our heroes. The She-Devil has made yet another advance on davemadson, but God intervened and sent the infernal monsters back to their lair. With Sam undergoing psychiatric therapy to cure him of his control-freak tendencies once and for all, Dave took the task of directing."
Dave: Places everyone!
Sidney: Ready when you are, D.M.
Dave: Roll camera! Cue shield!
(Q) 
Scotty: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Jimmy: What’s so funny, Scotty?
Scotty: “Q Shield!” Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Dave: Didn’t we do this gag before?
Hank: Yes, we did, Dave.
Guy: In “Looney Tunes Intro Bloopers 51: Microsoft Sam Goes Wild!”
Sidney: Well, Dave said “Q Shield.”
Dave: Not the letter “Q,” the word “cue.” And it’s not a Q Shield, it’s a WB Shield.
(Wanna Bet?)
Dave: Very Funny! Hah hah hah!
(BC)
Mike: B.C.?
Mary: Have we gone back in time?
Anna: Back in time! What a rush! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
(BO)
Beulah: Bo Shield? Who’s Bo Shield?
Abby: Bo knows Shields.
LH Michael: Bo knows diddley.
LH Michelle: Bo Diddley, Bo Diddley, have you heard?
Dave: BEEE-OHHH!
Mike: B.O.? Pugh! Take a shower!
Dave: Take it easy, Dave.
You know you’re clean.
Stay
cool.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum
is
coming
on!
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!
MICROSOFT MIKE, DON’T YOU EVER MAKE RUDE JOKES ABOUT MY PERSONAL HYGIENE
YOU BLOCKHEAD BLOCKHEAD BLOCKHEAD BLOCKHEAD BLOCKHEAD BLOCKHEAD BLOCKHEAD BLOCKHEAD!!
*BOOM!*
(GE)
(General Electric)
Mike: Gee.
Mary: GE.
Anna: They bring good things to life.
Dave: What next? Westinghouse?
(WH)
(Westinghouse. You can be sure… if it’s Westinghouse.)
Announcer: You can be sure… if it’s Westinghouse.
Dave: (angrily) NOW CUT THAT OUT!!
(BP)
(Be Prepared. To stop.)
Scotty: Be prepared!
Jimmy: The creed of the boy scouts.
Hank: To stop.
Guy: To stop or not to stop.
Sidney: That is the question.
(GD)
(Gosh Darn)
Beulah: Gosh Darn Pictures?
Abby: Well shucks, (aka sucks) it’s a real Gosh Darn Picture!
Mr. Warner (On intercom): How are things going, Dave?
Dave: It’s a blunderful world of bloopers out there, Mr. Warner.
Mr. Warner (On intercom): That’s very amusing. Have you heard anything on how Sam is doing?
Anna: He’s still undergoing psychiatric care and he’s very slow in responding to treatment.
Dave: The doctors may be considering a lobotomy for him, but he still thinks he should run the show here.
Mr. Warner (On intercom): You mean his control-freak tendencies may be incurable?
Dave: Only if he continues to indulge in such delusions.
Mr. Warner (On intercom): Take it easy, Mr. Warner.
You know you miss Sam as much as anyone.
Remain
calm.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum
is
coming
on.
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!
IF THEY CAN’T CURE MICROSOFT SAM OF HIS CONTROL-FREAK TENDENCIES, TELL HIM HE’S FIRED
THAT ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE!
*BOOM!*
Mike: Holy Schneikees!
Mary: Are you all right, Mr. Warner?
Mr. Warner (On intercom): Sorry about that tantrum, but I don’t like having control freaks around here.
(GR)
(Grim Reaper)
LH Michael: Grim Reaper Pictures Inc. Presents…
LH Michelle: “The Harvest of the Dead.”
Sam: So we’re into zombie pictures now?
Dave: Microsoft Sam! You came back!
Anna: Are you feeling any better?
Sam: Never felt better in my life.
Scotty: We were worried sick about you.
Sidney: We thought your condition was incurable.
Sam: The doctor says control-freak tendencies are only a state of mind.
Dave: Just remember: I’m the producer and you’re the director, capeesh?
Sam: Got it, Dave. Nothing can bother me now.
(She-Devil)
*ViD Theme*
Sam: Uh-oh! It’s that She-Devil back again!
She-Devil: Who did you expect? Lady Gaga?
Sam: Don’t mention that harlot to me again! You hear me?
She-Devil: Watch it, Sam! I know her phone number.
Dave: How come you came here alone? Why is the Devil not with you?
She-Devil: He had an emergency to take care of.
Mike: Is it about the Supreme Court legalizing same-sex marriages?
She-Devil: That’s none of your business, you asswipe!
Mike: (angrily) DON’T CALL ME AN ASSWIPE, YOU SUCCUBUS!
Sam: And what brings you here?
She-Devil: I've come for davemadson.
Abby: You can’t have him! He’s mine!
She-Devil: (holding Abby) And who saw him first? Get away from me!
(She-Devil release her eye laser to Abby)
*BOOM!*
(Abby lying hurt)
Beulah: You monster! You knocked Abby out again!
She-Devil: What’s it to you?
Dave: You go back where you came from this minute, you hear me?
She-Devil: (Holding Dave) Hold it right there, davemadson! You and I have some unfinished business to take care of.
God: Hands off of davemadson, you infernal imp!
She-Devil: (Climbing in front of Dave) Don’t come any closer or I’ll shit all over Dave and his friends!
God: Don’t you dare do that or you’ll feel My Wrath!
She-Devil: (ready to shit on them) Enough! Now they’re really gonna get it! Bombs away!
(CENSORED)
*PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP*
Sam: Gugh! Not again! Eeeewww! Eeeeewwwww!
*Sam barfing*
Mike: I told you I’m not a commode! Eeeewww! Eeeeewwwww!
*Mike Barfing*
Sidney: Don’t use us for toilets! Eeeewww! Eeeeewwwww!
*Sidney Barfing*
Dave: 86 your Number 2! Eeeewww! Eeeeewwwww!
*Dave barfing*
God: How dare you relieve yourself in My Presence! Take that!
(God releasing his power to She-Devil)
*GIGANTIC EXPLOSION!*
(She-Devil falling back)
*CRASH!*
She-Devil: Ouch! What a hard landing! My ribcage! My coccyx! Owww!
Dave: Serves the She-Devil right for pooping all over us in defiance of the Almighty!
She-Devil: Oh sphincter!
Robosoft 3 Reading: Later, after God cleaned up Sam, Mike, Sidney and Dave…
(WB Shield goes to the upper-left)
Sam: Uh, Scotty?
Scotty: Yeah, Sam?
Sam: Why didn’t the shield stop?
Scotty: I don’t know, Sam.
Sam: Don’t be stupid.
(WB Shield goes to the upper-right)
Jimmy: Look out! Runaway shield!
Hank: Tales of the Runaway Shield Redux.
(WB Shield goes to the lower-left) 
Guy: Watch where that shield lands!
Sidney: If I catch it, do I win a prize?
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!
Sam: Mock me once more and you’re fired!
Scotty: And if you fire me, I’ll kill myself and you’ll be held responsible!
Sam: I will deny all responsibility if you do that!
Mr. Warner (On intercom): And Sam will be in jail for perjury.
Sam: Oh noes! Not that! No no no no no no no no no no no nooooooooooooooo!
Mr. Warner (On intercom): Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyes! Do I make myself clear, Sam?
Sam: Yessir.
------Asswipe!
Mr. Warner (On intercom): (angrily) ONE MORE INSUBORDINATE CRACK LIKE THAT AND I'LL NAIL YOU TO THE SHIELD AGAIN!! 
(WB Shield goes to the lower-right)
*LOUD CRASH!*
Scotty: Eee-yowowowowowowowowowowowowow!
Sidney: What happened, Scotty?
Scotty: That goddamned WB Shield landed on my foot again! Eee-yowowowowowowowowowowowowow!
Beulah: Cheer up, Scotty. It could be worse.
Abby: That shield could have run you down like a steamroller.
Sam: DON'T SAY THAT!!
(The WB Shield stopped)
(W drop) 
(B drop) 
(Shield drop) 
(Set drop) 
Mike: Holy Schneikees!
Mary: The whole set’s falling apart!
Anna: I guess it’s one of those days.
Dave: Yeah. Let’s take time off while they repair the damage.
Sam: I agree, Dave. And Scotty will pay the bill.
Scotty: Oh coccyx! 
Places everyone! People everyone! Things everyone! Very funny, Sidney and Dave! Sorry, Sam. Just a joke, Sam. Albeit a lame one. I'll allow it. Roll camera! Cue the shield! [CRASH!] Holy Schneikees! Did you see what I saw? The letters flew right off the shield. Are you all right, Sam? Radar Overseer Scotty, come here. Microsoft Sam! What the hell happened to you? Get these *** letters off of me, you ***! The letters knocked Sam down? What's that shield made of, anyway? Must be a Teflon shield. Teflon shield my ***! Keep cool, Sam. We'll get the letters off of you in a jiffy. Flying letters? I'd call it air mail! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Thanks, Dave. My pleasure, Sam. And as for you, Scotty, you know what this means? No raise this year? YOOOOOOOOOOOOU'RE FIRED!! Fired? FIRED!? Here we go again. [Sam] That's right, fired! And this time, it's gonna be permanent! [Scotty] Put me down! You heard him, Sam! Put him down! I'll put Scotty down, all right! [Sam] Out you go! [CRASH!] [Beulah] Microsoft Sam, you bring Scotty back here right now! Never! And that's final! And if I see you near him again, I'll kill the both of you! Understand! You can't do that, Sam! That's ***! Not if I invoke the Castle Doctrine first! There'll be no evidence of self-defense, Sam, so don't even think about trying it, capeesh? Sheesh! Shush the sheesh! Writer's Block? Is that what a novelist plays with when he's trying to think of a storyline? I just got off the phone with ROFL City Hospital. What did they say, Dave? Scotty's recovering from the injuries he sustained when Sam threw him out. When will he be out? He'll need another two or three days because of a weak back. A weak back? I have a cousin who suffers from a weak back. Oh really? When did he get it? About a week back. When Scotty recovers, I can't wait for wedding bells to ring for us. Forget it, Beulah. That'll never happen as long as I'm in charge of the studio. Oh yes it will, Sam! I'M in charge here, capeesh? Sheesh! And shush the sheesh! Take it easy, Sam. Remain calm. Uh-oh! Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP! DAVEMADSON, I'VE HAD IT WITH YOU SAYING "SHUSH THE SHEESH" EVERY TIME SOMEONE SAYS "SHEESH!" i'M HAVING THE SHUSH THE SHEESH FOUNDATION SHUT DOWN AND YOU'RE GOING TO JAIL FOR IT, YOU HEAR ME? YOU'LL BE A JAILBIRD JAILBIRD JAILBIRD JAILBIRD JAILBIRD JAILBIRD JAILBIRD JAILBIRD!! [BOOM!!] It's great to be back from the hospital. Scotty! Back so soon? Yeah, Beulah. My back is better, thanks to acupuncture. RADAR OVERSEER SCOTTY!! WHAT PART OF "YOU'RE FIRED" DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE I CALL THE COPS! Pipe down, Sam. I told Mr. Warner about what you did, and he had me re-hire Scotty. [Mr. Warner] That's right. And if you refused Scotty re-entry, I'd have personally nailed you to the WB Shield. A fate worse than death, Mr. Warner. But the Shush the Sheesh Foundation is still shutting down for violation of free speech! And if that happens, I'm shutting down the Sheesh Alliance on the same premise! [Mr. Warner] Correct, Dave. If free speech permits one the right to say "Sheesh," then one should also have the right to say "Shush the sheesh" if he or she feels annoyed. This is an outrage! I oughta send the Devil and She-Devil after you! Just try it! [ViD Theme] Oh noes! Not the Devil and She-Devil again! Save us, Jesus! [Devil] Don't say that name in front of us! [She-Devil] You know it makes our tails grow limp! Well, well, well! The Devil and She-Devil invade my video just to stir up trouble again. Flattery, flattery, flattery. It always makes me fonder of you every day, Dave. Welly, welly, welly! Microsoft Sam sends Mr. and Mrs. Mephistopheles after me just because I threatened to shut down the Sheesh Alliance if he shuts down the Shush the Sheesh Foundation. With good reason. You can't have an organization that violates the right to free speech. [Mr. Warner] Just as you can't have an organization that prevents people from telling you to shut up when you annoy them. Wellity, wellity, wellity--- Shut up, Dave! You tell him, Microsoft Sam! You can't have the right to say "Sheesh" and not let others have the right to say "Shush the sheesh" if they're annoyed! That's hypocrisy! One of our greatest talents: spreading hypocrisy. I've got a good mind to tell God and the Angel on you! [She-Devil] Hold it right there, davemadson! I have some unfinished business to take care of with you. What's going on here? Are these infernal imps bothering you again? Don't you interfere with us again! Ever! [She-Devil] Make another move and we *** all over davemadson and his friends! Do that in My Presence and you'll feel My Wrath! [Devil] Scandalous! Shall we let them have it? [She-Devil] Let's do it! Bombs away! [PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP] Gugh! Not again! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww! [Barfing] Dump your waste elsewhere! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww! [Barfing] You're the sickest of all! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww! [Barfing] How dare you! Eeeewww! Eeeeewww! [Barfing] Somebody get a pooper-scooper! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewww! [Barfing] That sickening display is disgusting and repulsive! How dare you relieve yourselves in My Presence! Take that! [LOUD CRASH!!] [Devil] Curses! Foiled again! Why can't we win just once? [She-Devil] If only I can have davemadson for myself, and for real. Oh, my aching sphincter! Owww! You're all cleaned up now and you may resume your video. Thank God! You're welcome. [Devil] Oh sphincter! Wounded Birds? Just like the Devil and She-Devil after God dispatched them from here. Uh-oh! Methinks I goofed again. Youthinks right, Scotty. I guess we should try again. You took the words right out of my mouth, Hank. At least we've gotten the shield right every time. With a W as in Wisenheimer and a B as in Blockhead, right? Right! "Wisenheimer Blockhead?" Hahahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! ASSWIIIIIIIIIIIIPES!! [Mr. Warner] Don't give them any ideas, Sam, or I'll nail you to the WB Shield again! [BOOM!!] SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!! SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!! SHUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!!! [Mr. Warner] Microsoft Sam! Report to my office RIGHT NOW!! Sheesh! My mother told me there'd be days like this. There, there, Sam. We'll get you down from the shield soon. I promise not to harass Scotty again. And as soon as we get Sam down, let's all go out to dinner. Where are we eating, Dave? Where else? [Scotty] Oh cancer! 
Sam: Places everyone!
Dave: We're all present and/or accounted for, Sam.
Sam: Let's get this show on the road! Roll camera! Cue the shield!
(Ace Hardware)
Sam: Uh, Scotty?
Scotty: You want me, Sam?
Sam: Not really, Scotty.
Scotty: In that case, I'd better go.
Sam: You're not going anywhere... yet.
Scotty: So what's on your mind, Generalissimo Microsoft Sam?
Sidney: "Generalissimo Microsoft Sam?" Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Sam: Shut up, Sidney!
Sidney: My lips are sealed, Sam.
Sam: What's the Ace Hardware logo doing here?
Jimmy: They're the ones who sent us the tools.
Sam: Tools?
Hank: Every time the set falls apart, we buy materials from them.
Guy: That's why we gave them mention.
Sam: That's nice, but this is supposed to be Looney Tunes, not a hardware store.
Scotty: Nobody appreciates recognition anymore.
(Gannett)
Mike: Gannett?
Mary: Gesundheit!
Anna: Gannett owns newspapers and TV stations.
Dave: But not this studio!
(P&G)
Beulah: P&G? Is that a movie rating?
Abby: Rated P&G. Parental and Guidance suggested.
Dave: Parental and Guidance? Hahahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
Sam: You stole my laugh line, you asswipe!
Dave: Take it easy, Dave.
Sam doesn't appreciate much.
Stay
cool.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum
is
coming
on!
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!
MICROSOFT SAM, STOP BEING SO POSSESSED OF THAT LAUGH LINE
YOU CONTROL FREAK CONTROL FREAK CONTROL FREAK CONTROL FREAK CONTROL FREAK CONTROL FREAK CONTROL FREAK CONTROL FREAK!!
*BOOM!!*
Sam: Sorry for being so possessive, Dave, but that's just the way I am.
Dave: Just remember that you're not a control freak, Sam.
(Amway)
LH Michael: Amway.
LH Michelle: And every which way! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Sam: Scotty, do I have to tell you not to put commercial plugs in a Looney Tune?
Scotty: How on earth do we expect to pay for all this?
Sam: This is Looney Tunes, Scotty. Not Ace Hardware, not Gannett, not Procter and Gamble, not Amway... Looney Tunes!
Scotty: To make a tired point: in the words of Steve Martin, well excuuuuuuuuuuuuse meee!
(SyFy)
Mike: SyFy?
Mary: Who is SyFy?
Anna: I don't know who SyFy is, but I once knew a Sy Borg! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!
Sam: Come here, Scotty!
Scotty: Not another lecture, Sam!
Sam: Yes, another lecture.
Scotty: Sam, every time you lecture me, you make me feel like a second-grade kid in school!
Sam: The only logo that belongs here is this logo, you understand?
Scotty: Sam, I'm sick and tired of this! You make me feel like a second-grade kid in school one more time and I'm telling Mr. Warner on you!
Sam: Just try, Scotty, but Mr. Warner isn't here right now.
Dave: He's probably in conference.
(Food Network)
Beulah: Food Network.
Abby: You're making us hungry.
Jimmy: Up next: Rachael Ray.
Hank: Or Guy Fieri.
Guy: Or Bobby Flay.
Sidney: I sure miss seeing Paula Deen on the Food Network.
Sam: Radar Overseer Scotty!!
Scotty: No, Sam! Please don't fire me! I got nowhere else to go!
Dave: You heard him, Sam! Leave him alone!
Sam: Stay out of this, Dave! Radar Overseer Scotty, yoooooooooooou're fired!!
Scotty: Fired? FIRED!?
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!
MICROSOFT SAM, YOU JUST MADE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF YOUR LIFE!
NOW I HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO KILL MYSELF AND IF YOU DENY RESPONSIBILITY YOU'LL BE GUILTY OF PERJURY, YOU HEAR ME?
GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY!!
*BOOM!!*
Dave: Microsoft Sam!
Sam: Sorry, Dave, but I had to do it.
Dave: I'm rescinding Scotty's firing because of his threat of suicide, and if you raise even one objection, I'm telling Mr. Warner on you!
Sam: It won't do you any good, Dave. Mr. Warner's not here.
Dave: I forgot he's in conference.
LH Michael: Mr. Warner is not in conference.
Dave: What makes you so sure?
LH Michelle: He's being held on suspicion of defaming Christianity.
Sam: Does that have anything to do with his nailing me to the WB Shield twice?
Anna: Yes. They say he mocked the Crucifixion and he's in real danger of losing his freedom.
Scotty: That's funny. I always thought he was an atheist.
Sam: Get out of here, Scotty!
Dave: Belay that order! Scotty, you're re-hired.
Scotty: Thanks, Dave. You saved my life.
Sam: Oh gluteus maximus!
(MeTV)
Mike: MeTV.
Mary: YouRadio.
Sam: Take it easy, Sam.
Remain
calm.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP!
DAVE WON'T LET ME FIRE SCOTTY AND NO ONE KNOWS I NEED SOME AUTHORITY AROUND HERE!
WELL, I'VE HAD IT, YOU HEAR ME?
I'VE HAD IT HAD IT HAD IT HAD IT HAD IT HAD IT HAD IT HAD IT!!
*BOOM!!*
Anna: Keep still, Sam. It's nothing to throw tantrums over.
Sam: You're right, Anna. But I've still had it with these bloopers and without Mr. Warner, there's no reason for me to continue. I quit.
Dave: Sam, you can't quit!
Sam: Too late, Dave. I've made up my mind. I'm leaving.
(Rankin-Bass)
Scotty: Rankin-Bass?
Jimmy: Must be a stinking fish.
Hank: Something's fishy here.
Guy: I agree.
Sidney: Rankin-Bass! Stinking fish! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
(Abstract WB)
Beulah: There's that Abstract WB logo again.
Abby: They couldn't get a concrete one.
Dave: That joke is so lame, Abby.
Abby: Sorry, Dave.
Dave: That's understandable. I couldn't be mean to you even if I tried.
Scotty: How are we doing on the zooms, Dave?
Dave: You're getting close, Scotty. Now we need the WB Shield.
(WB)
(Waiter Bros.)
LH Michael: Waiter Brothers?
LH Michelle: Oh waiter, this shield is raw! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
(WB)
(Weeder Bros.)
Mike: Weeder Brothers?
Mary: As opposed to the Seeder Sisters?
(WB)
(Warning Bros.)
Sidney: If Sam were here, he'd probably say: "That's Warner, not Warning."
Sam: Lucky for me he's not here to bawl me out.
Beulah: Don't sweat it, Scotty. At least we've got each other.
(WB)
(Warner Brewskis)
Jimmy: Uh-oh!
Hank: Methinks we goofed again.
Guy: Youthinks right, Hank.
Scotty: I guess we should try again, right?
Dave: Uh, not right now, Scotty. Let's take the rest of the day off and see if we can find Sam and Mr. Warner.
RoboSoft 3 reading: The gang went to the police station to see Sam and Mr. Warner. After Mr. Warner apologized to Sam, the charges against him were dropped and Sam agreed to return. Stay tuned to this channel for more Looney Tunes Intro Bloopers!
Places everyone! Let's get this show on the road. Dave? Dave? Hey Scotty, have you seen Dave? No, I haven't, Sam. Does anybody know where he is? Not me, Sam. Neither do I. Don't ask me. Dave had to leave in a hurry because he got a letter from a lawyer. What lawyer? Whatever lawyer that was, there was some urgency in the letter. It was a summons to appear in court. In court? Yes. There's a legal matter regarding Dave's videos. I guess we'll find out sooner or later. Roll camera! Cue the shield! The court of ROFL City is now in session. The first case is The People of ROFL City vs. davemadson. Will the defandant, davemadson, approach the bench? Yes, Your Honor. This case better be important. It is, Dave. Officer Flanigan, read the charges. davemadson, you are hereby charged that on diverse dates, you posted videos on YouTube that angered certain viewers. How do you plead? Before I enter my plea, I know I've ruffled a few feathers, but--- Guilty or Not Guilty, Dave? All right! I plead Not Guilty. Thank you, Dave. You may stand down now. Thank you, Your Honor. Dave, I want you to know I'm pulling for you. You don't need to worry. Whatever I'm accused of, no jury could possibly convict me. Does the prosecution care to call any witnesses? The prosecution calls the Red NYET to the stand. Uh, Scotty? What's up, Sam? You're supposed to bring up the WB Shield, not the Red NYET. He's only doing it as per a court order. Dave's on trial because of complaints about his videos on YouTube. Apparently, a YouTube user called TheFrosterGameplays filed the charge against Dave. That's why the courtroom is next to our studio. That explains it. So, Red NYET, you came zooming into the rings to scare Microsoft Sam and his friends? That's right; only davemadson, with help from Microsoft Anna, thwarted me before I could take Sam's soul to Hell. Your Honor, I call the next witnesses: the Viacom V of Doom, the Screen Gems S from Hell and the B Backwards-N D Mask of Guo Xiang. I object! What do scary logos have to do with this case? Sam, keep still! Sorry, Dave. I just had to speak up. [Banging gavel] Overruled! Any more witnesses the prosecution wishes to call? Just two more: the Devil and She-Devil. [ViD Theme] Oh noes! Not the Devil and She-Devil! Stay calm, Beulah. This too shall pass. So, Devil and She-Devil, you are familiar with the defendant? All too well. Why, Dave! I didn't expect to see you on trial. Even in a courtroom I can't stay clear of you infernal imps. Flattery, flattery, flattery! Oh Dave, I love it when you use flattery on me. [Banging gavel] Order! Continue, Officer Flanigan. I trust you two are familiar with the complaint charges filed against davemadson. Indeed we are, Officer Flanigan. In fact, TheFrosterGameplays isn't the only person who complained about the defendant's YouTube videos. First, there was BJ Selavka, alias BJ 29035, who insisted Dave put Looney Tunes characters in his videos. And I resisted, saying that Warner Bros. would have hit me with a copyright strike. Then there was alchemistmuffin, who disputed Dave's claim that too many tantrums can kill you. He did dispute said claim, but he was not a fan of John Belushi nor Chris Farley. And you drove him to suicide, didn't you? Objection! I had nothing to do with alchemistmuffin's demise! [Banging gavel] Objection sustained! Continue. And who could possibly forget noaveragejill, who tried to get Dave banned from YouTube because she said his videos were harming her kids? And because of that nagging ***, I had to put disclaimers on my videos to prove they're not geared to little kids! And we would have claimed you for all eternity if she succeeded in having you banned from YouTube! [Banging gavel] Order! Continue. And of course, there's our new best friend, TheFrosterGameplays. YOUR new best friend? Yes. He says your videos are the worst ever posted on YouTube. He's a total *** for saying that. You took the words right out of my mouth, Dave. If, as Dave says, TheFrosterGameplays is a total ***, at least he's an honest total ***. And that proves beyond all doubt that davemadson should be banned from YouTube for life. With no further witnesses, Your Honor, the prosecution rests. Thank you, Officer Flanigan. Would the defense care to call any witnesses? Yes, Your Honor. We call Mr. Warner to the stand. [On intercom] Is it okay if I address this court via the intercom, Your Honor? If there are no objections. No objections, Your Honor. You may proceed, Mr. Warner. Your Honor, I request permission to question this witness. [On intercom] What do these infernal intruders mean by infecting the court with their presence? We were called as witnesses for the prosecution. [On intercom] I had to ask. Mr. Warner. isn't it true that you nailed Microsoft Sam to the WB Shield as punishment for his treatment of Radar Overseer Scotty? [On intercom] That's true. in fact, I did it twice to teach Sam a lesson. That, Mr. Warner, defames Christianity by mocking the Crucifixion, which means your soul now belongs to us as punishment. Now what's that got to do with this case? Your Honor, the defense is talking out of turn! Now look here, Mr. and Mrs. Mephistopheles! [Banging gavel] ORDER IN THE COURT! [She-Devil] Order indeed! Mr. Warner belongs to us, and so does davemadson! [Devil] And if you make another move, Your Honor, we will *** all over davemadson and his friends! If you two pull that filthy stunt, I will cite you for contempt of court! [Devil] That's scandalous, and nothing but scandalous! Shall we let them have it? Let's do it! Bombs away! [PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP] Gugh! Not in the courtroom! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww! [Barfing] Not on me, you idiots! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww! [Barfing] Put those infernal spewers of filth away, Your Honor! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww! [Barfing] On behalf of the defendant, Your Honor, I wish to call two more witnesses: God and the Angel. What's going on here? What's the meaning of this, Devil and She-Devil, relieving yourselves in a court of law? Objection, Your Honor! We can't have outside interference in court! Overruled! I'm supposed to say that, but in this case, I'll concur with the Almighty. Indeed you should, Your Honor. If it pleases the court, I'd like to give the Devil and She-Devil their come-uppance. And would you mind getting that infernal sewage out of my courtroom? As good as done, Your Honor. All right, Devil and She-Devil! For soiling this courtroom, take that! [LOUD CRASH!!] [Devil] Curses! Foiled again! That hard landing hurts! Ouch! [She-Devil] We can't even win in court! Oh, our aching sphincters! Owww! Sam, Abby, Dave and this courtroom are all cleaned up now and you may resume your trial. Thank God! You're welcome. [Devil] Oh sphincter! With all the evidence presented in this case, it is now the jury's decision to weigh it and render a verdict. In a moment, the results of this trial. The jury has reached a verdict in the case of The People of ROFL City vs. davemadson. What is your verdict? davemadson, you have been found Not Guilty of the charges against you and you may leave this court a free man. [Banging gavel] Court adjourned! How about that? I won the case! Congratulations, Dave, you beat the rap! We knew you'd do it. We were all rooting for you. I never doubted that you'd come away clean. I'm proud of you. Thanks, gang, you're all heart. [Abby] We did it, Dave! I love you! [Dave] I love you too. Let's go out to celebrate! The tab's on me! 
Sam: Places everyone! Roll camera! Cue the shield!
(The WB Shield zooms in, but no letters appear in the rings.)
Sam: Uh, Scotty?
Scotty: Yeah, Sam?
Sam: Where are the letters?
Scotty: In the mailbox! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!
Dave: [Yawn!] Here we go again. Sam berating Scotty for a simple little blooper.
Mike: It's the same old song and dance.
Mary: Sam first berates Scotty and then fires him.
Anna: And then Scotty threatens to kill himself and Sam refuses to accept responsibility.
Jimmy: And then Sam throws Scotty out the door.
Hank: And Dave and/or Mr. Warner blasts Sam for firing Scotty and brings Scotty back.
Guy: And Sam throws a tantrum over his authority being overriden.
Sidney: Sam, why don't you give up?
Beulah: Your berating Scotty for these bloopers is getting very boring.
Abby: We're getting illness and fatigue from it.
Beulah: Illness and fatigue?
Abby: We're sick and tired of it! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Sam: So what's so boring about needing to have some authority over these videos?
Dave: Don't you get it, Sam? Your treatment of Scotty is making us all bored, do you hear me? Bored, bored, bored!
LH Michael: Uh-oh! Man over-bored!
LH Michelle: It's all dullsville, Sam.
(The WB Shield zooms in again, but this time, the captions read "Wildly Boring Pictures Inc."
Sam: I don't give a shit about boredom! I've had it with you, Scotty!
Scotty: Put me down!
Sam: Shut up, Scotty! You're fired! Out you go!
[CRASH!]
(The WB Shield zooms in again, but instead of "WB," it says "WT" and the captions read "Wrongful Termination Pictures Inc."
Sam: What the hell do you mean "wrongful termination?" Scotty's firing is justified, you hear? Justified!
Dave: Justified my ass! You bring Scotty back here right now, or I'll tell Mr. Warner on you!
Sam: You'll do nothing of the kind! If you dare bring Scotty back, I'll kill you, you understand? I'll kill you!
Abby: Don't you threaten Dave, Sam! You know I love him!
Beulah: How dare you refuse to bring Scotty back! You know I love him! Bring him back!
Sam: Never! He's banned from here forever, and if you make one false move, I'll kill you!
(The WB shield zooms in again, but instead of "WB," the letters read "HT" and the captions read "Hostage Taker Pictures Inc.")
Mr. Warner: You'll do nothing of the kind, Sam! Drop the gun and bring Scotty back!
Sam: But Mr. Warner, how else can I exert authority around here without davemadson's interference?
Mr. Warner: And don't you dare overstep the bounds of your authority again!
Dave: That's telling him, Mr. Warner. By the way, this is the first time we've seen you in person in our videos.
Mr. Warner: The intercom's out for repairs.
Scotty: Do I get my job back?
Dave: Yes, Scotty. Now get back to work.
Scotty: Roger-dodger!
(The WB Shield zooms in again, but the captions read "Who's Boss Pictures Inc.")
Sam: How dare you interfere with my authority, Dave! I've got a good mind to charge you with mutiny!
Mr. Warner: Mutiny, schmutiny! Stop acting like a control freak or else!
Sam: No, Mr. Warner! Don't nail me to the WB Shield again! You want all of the Christians in the world to hate you?
Mr. Warner: No, Sam, I'm not nailing you to the WB Shield again.
Sam: Then what will you do with me?
Mr. Warner: Does this answer your question, Microsoft Sam?
Sam: Put me down!
Mr. Warner: Microsoft Sam, you're fired! Out you go!
[CRASH!]
Scotty: Thank you, Mr. Warner. You saved my job, as well as my life.
Mr. Warner: You're welcome, Scotty. Come back to work. I don't want you getting into any more trouble.
Scotty: Will do, Mr. W.
Beulah: I'm so glad you're back, Scotty!
[Beulah and Scotty kissing]
Beulah: I love you.
Scotty: I love you too.
(The WB shield zooms in again, but the captions and the shield are about to explode)
*BOOM!!*
(The captions now read "W rn r B s P t r s I c P s n s.")
Dave: All right, who sent in the exploding shield?
Jimmy: Not me.
Hank: Not me.
Guy: Not me.
Sidney: Not me.
Dave: Somebody here is lying.
Jimmy: Not me.
Hank: Not me.
Guy: Not me.
Sidney: Not me.
Dave: One of you is lying. Who did it?
Anna: Nobody's lying, Dave.
LH Michael: None of us would even think of planting a bomb here.
LH Michelle: Lernout & Hauspie Michael and I are artisans, not terrorists.
Beulah: We're peaceful people here, Dave.
Abby: The only bombs we'd make would be really terrible videos.
(The WB Shield zooms in upside-down, the letters read "MB" and the captions read "Mad Bomber Pictures Inc.")
Mike: The Mad Bomber strikes again.
Mary: That's three times the shield exploded.
Dave: So who could be the Mad Bomber?
Anna: Here's a clue, Dave. I found a note here.
Dave: What does it say, Anna?
Anna: "To whom it may concern: I planted that bomb in the WB Shield to show you that you haven't heard the last of me. Signed, Microsoft Sam."
Dave: Sam planted that bomb?
Mr. Warner: I should have known that control freak would be behind this. Who does he think he is, Major Nidal Hasan?
Sam: No, I am not Major Hasan; I am Microsoft Sam. And I took the liberty of filing a wrongful termination lawsuit against you, Mr. Warner.
Mr. Warner: That lawsuit is only gonna be frivolous, Sam. If you think you can stoop to terrorism to con me into re-hiring you just so you can abuse Radar Overseer Scotty again, you've got another think coming.
Sam: If you don't re-hire me, Mr. Warner, I'll send the Devil and She-Devil after you!
Mr. Warner: Those infernal imps? They always soil the place every time they show up.
Sam: Will you re-hire me?
Mr. Warner: When Hell freezes over!
Sam: All right, Mr. Warner, you asked for it!
(The Devil and She-Devil show up in the Looney Tunes rings with the ViD Theme accompanying them.)
Beulah: Oh noes! Not the Devil and She-Devil again!
Abby: Save us, Jesus!
Devil: Don't mention that name in front of us!
She-Devil: It always makes our tails grow limp!
Mr. Warner: What is the meaning of this, Sam, summoning up the Devil and She-Devil as a ruse to get me to re-hire you?
Sam: If you don't re-hire me, Mr. Warner, I'll remind them that you nailed me to the WB Shield twice!
Dave: And get them to torment Mr. Warner? I've got a good mind to call on God and the Angel to teach these infernal imps a lesson!
Devil: Dave, you always flatter us.
She-Devil: I think you have what it takes to be one of us, Dave. How about, after you finish this video, you and I spend the night in a private spot?
Dave: Really, She-Devil! You're a little too dangerous for me.
Angel: What's going on here?
God: Are you two infernal imps bothering davemadson and his friends again? Don't you know that'll only incur My Wrath?
Devil: Why must you always interfere?
She-Devil: Why don't you leave us alone?
Mr. Warner: It's about time God and the Angel showed up. I hope they teach the Devil and the She-Devil a lesson.
Sam: So do I, so Mr. Warner and I can reach a deal for me to return to work.
She-Devil: One false move, Microsoft Sam, and I'll call Lady Gaga!
Sam: Don't mention that harlot's name to me again! I hate her, you hear me? I hate her, I hate her, I hate her!
She-Devil: Lady Gaga! Lady Gaga! Lady Gaga! Lady Gaga!
Sam: Stop it!!
Dave: You heard him, She-Devil! Stop tormenting Sam!
Devil: Mr. Warner, we're gonna tell everyone in the world that you nailed Sam to the WB Shield twice!
Mr. Warner: Well, I'm not bringing Sam back, and I can have God and the Angel give you the business!
Devil: That, Mr. Warner, will be regarded by the She-Devil and I as scandalous and nothing else but scandalous!
She-Devil: Unless you admit you defamed Christianity, Mr. Warner, we will shit all over you!
Mr. Warner: That's disgusting! If you do that, God and the Angel will punish you!
Devil: That's enough out of you! Shall we let Mr. Warner have it?
She-Devil: Let's do it! Bombs away!
*CENSORED!!!* [PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP]
Mr. Warner: Gugh! You vile, disgusting crap machines! Eeeewww! Eeeeeewwww!
[Mr. Warner barfing]
Angel: Now look what you did! You made Mr. Warner sick!
God: For this you're gonna get it! Take that!
[God releases power to the Devil and the She-Devil]
SFX: GIGANTIC EXPLOSION!!
(The Devils fall down through the Looney Tunes rings.)
SFX: LOUD CRASH!!
Devil: Curses! Foiled again! I hate these hard landings! Ouch!
She-Devil: Oh davemadson, I wish the powers that be would let us be alone together just once. Oh, my aching sphincter! Owww!
RoboSoft 3 reading: The Angel cleaned up Mr. Warner, who apologized to Sam for his past transgressions. Sam dropped his lawsuit and agreed to return to work. And the Looney Tunes Intro Bloopers continue.
(The WB Shield zooms in again, but the caption reads "Looney Tunes" instead of "Warner Bros. Pictures Inc.")
Sam: "Looney Tunes Presents?"
Mike: Which featured character would show up next?
Mary: Bugs Bunny? Daffy Duck? Elmer Fudd?
Anna: Speedy Gonzales?
Dave: Probably Pepe LePew, because as Sam would say, this blooper stinks!
Sam: You bet your sweet Chuck Jones it would!
(The WB Shield zooms in again, but the caption reads "Merrie Melodies" instead of "Warner Bros. Pictures Inc.")
Mary: They're playing my song again.
Beulah: You always say that, Mary.
Abby: Doesn't it ever get old?
Mary: Sorry. Old habits die hard.
(The WB Shield zooms in one last time, this time, the captions read "Warner Bros. Pictures Inc." and "Presents," but instead of "Looney Tunes" with a WB Technicolor byline, the phrase "That's all, Folks!" comes in.)
LH Michael: Warner Bros. presents That's all Folks?
LH Michelle: That's the shortest cartoon in history.
Scotty: Uh-oh! Methinks I goofed again!
Sam: Youthinks right, Scotty, but I guess you should get another chance.
Dave: Uh, not now, Sam. It's getting late. Let's pick things up in the morning.
Sam: Places everyone! Roll camera!
(RC)
(Rolling Camera)
Sam: Did I say "cue the shield?"
Scotty: Sorry, Sam. Looks like we jumped the gun a little.
(JG)
(Jump the Gun)
Sam: "Jump the Gun!" Hahahahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
(NF)
(That's not Funny!)
Mike: The shield has a sense of humor now?
Mary: Yeah. Sam laughed, the shield displayed "NF" and the caption read "That's not funny!"
Anna: That's what makes it funny! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
(WC)
(Who Cares?)
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: What's the matter now, Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam?
Sam: Why must you mock me, Scotty?
Scotty: I don't know, Sam.
Sam: Take it easy, Sam.
Scotty's just funning you.
Remain
calm.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP!
RADAR OVERSEER SCOTTY, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BRING IN THE WB SHIELD AND ONLY THE WB SHIELD, DO YOU HEAR ME?
YOU ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE!!
*BOOM!!*
(TT)
(Temper, Temper!)
Jimmy: Looks like they're at it again.
Hank: We go through a set of bloopers.
Guy: Sam berates Scotty for it.
Sidney: And then he throws a tantrum over it.
Dave: Can Sam help it if he's stubborn?
Sam: Not stubborn, Dave, I'm just merely tenacious.
Beulah: Tenacious Sam?
Abby: You should be a hip-hop star.
(HH)
(Hip-Hop)
LH Michael: Hip-Hop Pictures presents:
LH Michelle: "That's a Rap!" Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
(SU)
(Shut Up!)
Sam: Scotty, come here.
Scotty: Holy Schneikees, Sam! Not another lecture!
(HS)
(Holy Schneikees!)
Sam: Yes, Scotty, another lecture.
Scotty: Judas Priest! Every time you have a blooper, you gotta listen to a lecture!
(JP)
(Judas Priest!)
Sam: You never seem to get the message what logo belongs here, do you?
Scotty: Lecture, lecture, lecture!
(SL)
(Sam's Lectures)
Scotty: Every time you lecture me, Sam, you make me feel like a second-grade kid in school!
Sam: Second-grade kid or no second-grade kid, the shield is supposed to display "WB" and only "WB," you understand? Now get it right, you noodge!
Scotty: Take it easy, Scotty.
Sam's just being stubborn.
Keep
your
cool.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum
is
coming
on!
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!
MICROSOFT SAM, I'M SO SICK AND FUCKING TIRED OF YOUR LECTURES! DO YOU HEAR ME?
I'M SICK OF YOUR LECTURES YOU DOOFUS DOOFUS DOOFUS DOOFUS DOOFUS DOOFUS DOOFUS DOOFUS!!
*BOOM!!*
Mr. Warner: Did I just hear someone throw a tantrum in here?
Dave: Sam and Scotty are at it again, Mr. Warner. Sam threw a tantrum because of these bloopers, and Scotty threw one because Sam gave him yet another lecture.
Mr. Warner: I don't see why they should get upset. I love these bloopers! They're funny! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Sam: You actually love these bloopers, Mr. Warner?
Mr. Warner: I show them at the office's annual Christmas party, Sam.
Sam: In that case, let's keep these bloopers rolling!
(RB)
(Rolling Bloopers)
LH Michael: Rolling Bloopers? Is that anything like the Rolling Stones?
LH Michelle: A rolling blooper gathers no moss! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
(FU)
Dave: All right, who put "FU" on the shield?
Jimmy: Not me.
Hank: Not me.
Guy: Not me.
Sidney: Not me.
Dave: Somebody's lying.
Jimmy: Not me.
Hank: Not me.
Guy: Not me.
Sidney: Not me.
Dave: One of you is lying. Who did it?
(Devil and She-Devil)
[ViD Theme]
Dave: Not the Devil and She-Devil again! I will not put up with any more intrusions by these infernal beasties!
Devil: What's the matter, Dave?
She-Devil: Every time we show up, we get negative reactions.
Dave: I've got a good mind to call on God and the Angel to beat you back!
God: What's going on here?
Angel: Are these infernal imps bothering you again?
Devil: Oh come on, Dave! Why can't we be friends just once?
Dave: With friends like the Devil and She-Devil, you wouldn't need any enemies.
She-Devil: Dave, you and I have some unfinished business to take care of.
Abby: You leave Dave alone! He's mine!
She-Devil: You stay out of this!
Mr. Warner: Who sent in the Devil and She-Devil to stir up trouble again?
Jimmy: Not me.
Hank: Not me.
Guy: Not me.
Sidney: Not me.
Dave: Actually, I was conducting an investigation as to who put the letters "FU" on the shield.
Sam: At which point I would have said that no one should say "FU" to their boss.
Mr. Warner: So who's responsible for putting "FU" on the shield?
Devil: It was my idea, Mr. Warner.
Mr. Warner: You put the letters on the shield?
Devil: It was our message to you and your friends in retaliation for our being driven back by the Almighty over and over again.
She-Devil: We claim davemadson and his friends as our own.
God: You leave them alone right now, and that's an order!
Devil: We take no orders from you!
She-Devil: If you won't let me at least have Dave for myself, the Devil and I will shit all over Dave's friends!
Angel: Disgusting!
God: Soil even one of them and you'll feel My Wrath!
Devil: Scandalous! Shall we let them have it?
She-Devil: Let's do it! Bombs away!
(CENSORED)
[PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP]
Devil: "Censored!?" What do you mean "censored?"
She-Devil: Next time, Dave, show us shitting all over your friends or else!
Scotty: Gugh! What did I do? Eeeewww! Eeeewww!
[Scotty barfing]
Jimmy: Infernal soilers! Eeeewww! Eeeewww!
[Jimmy barfing]
Hank: That's what I say! Eeeewww! Eeeewww!
[Hank barfing]
Guy: We are not commodes! Eeeewww! Eeeewww!
[Guy barfing]
Angel: That display was sickening and repulsive!
God: Begone, you infernal soilers!
[God releasing power to the Devil and She-Devil]
*GIGANTIC EXPLOSION!!*
[The Devil and She-Devil falls back]
*LOUD CRASH!!*
Devil: Ouch! Not another hard landing!
She-Devil: I think all my bones are broken! OW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!!
Devil: Mark my words, we will get davemadson and his friends and there'll be no way to stop us from getting what we want with them!
God: Sore losers, yes. Prophets, no.
Angel: I've cleaned up Scotty, Jimmy, Hank and Guy and you may resume your video now.
Dave: Thank God!
God: You're welcome.
Devil: Oh sphincter!
(W without the B)
Sam: Where's the B? And if you say "back in the hive" one more time, I'll sting you!
Scotty: Sheesh!
Dave: And shush the sheesh!
(B without the W)
Mike: We found the B.
Mary: But where's the W?
Anna: We used it to retrieve the B! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Scotty: Uh-oh! Methinks I goofed again!
Dave: Youthinks right, Scotty, but you can't blame yourself for trying.
Sam: We almost have it, Scotty. Now put the W with the B and we've got the routine down pat.
(The W falls apart, the B falls apart, the shield falls apart and the rings fall apart)
Sam: Oh no! No! No! No no no no no no no no no! [Bawling] We failed again! I'm a failure! Failure, failure, failure! [Bawling]
Anna: There, there, Sam. We're all entitled to a few bad days.
Sam: I guess you're right, Anna.
Anna: I'll tell you what: let's all go out to lunch.
Sam: Great idea, Anna.
Scotty: So where are we eating?
Dave: Where else?
Dave reading onscreen: CHEZ MONYOU!!
Scotty: Oh listeria!
Dave: Places everyone!
Anna: Where's Sam?
Dave: Come again?
Anna: Sam usually starts the show, but I don't see him.
Mike: I don't see Sam either.
Mary: Neither do I.
Dave: He probably forgot we had to start early today.
Anna: Now I remember: he overslept this morning. He'll be in a little late.
Mr. Warner: When Sam comes in, Dave, tell him I need to see him immediately.
Dave: Will do, Mr. W.
Scotty: Sam overslept this morning?
Jimmy: It's just so not like him.
Hank: He's usually up early.
Guy: How can we get this show started without him?
Sidney: He probably forgot to set his alarm clock.
Dave: That explains it. Roll camera! Cue the shield!
(The WB Shield is acting like a 3-D picture)
Beulah: Holy Schneikees! Did you see that, Abby?
Abby: This picture must be in 3-D! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Dave: Uh, Scotty?
Scotty: Yeah, Dave?
Dave: Is this supposed to be a 3-D picture?
Scotty: Sorry, Dave. I'll try to get it right.
Dave: If Sam saw this, he'd throw a tantrum.
Scotty: If he did, he'd blame me and I'd end up denying it on the grounds that he's nothing but a control freak.
Beulah: That's hitting below the belt, Scotty.
Scotty: Beats hanging.
(The WB letters fly out of the shield)
[CRASH!]
Dave: Now what?
Anna: Oh... What happened?
LH Michael: Jeez Louise! Did you see what just happened to Anna?
LH Michelle: The letters knocked her down.
Dave: Are you okay, Anna?
Anna: I'm just a little shaken up, Dave. Can you get these letters off of me?
Dave: We'll do our best.
(The Warner Bros. Shield zooms in, but instead of "WB," the letters read "WO" and the captions read "Wipe Out! Pictures Inc."
Anna: Thanks, Dave.
Dave: You're welcome, Anna.
Beulah: You could say this was a team effort.
Abby: Yay team!
(The WB Shield zooms in again, but the letters read "YT" and the captions read "Yay Team! Pictures Inc.")
Mr. Warner: 11 A.M. already and no sign of Sam. He's got some heavy explaining to do.
Scotty: Please, Mr. Warner, don't be too rough on him. He's had a history of being rough on me.
Mr. Warner: You're actually forgiving Sam for the way he treated you?
Scotty: Yes, Mr. Warner. I wish you'd consider the same when Sam shows up.
Mr. Warner: I'll try, but it won't be easy.
(The WB Shield zooms in again, but the letters read "HM" and the captions read "Have Mercy Pictures Inc.")
LH Michael: "Have Mercy?" The shield's got religion now?
LH Michelle: Next thing you know, it'll preach the seven virtues.
(The WB Shield zooms in yet again, but this time, the letters read "7-V" and the captions read "Seven Virtues Pictures Inc.")
Jimmy: The shield's got religion?
Hank: That old time religion.
Guy: Give me that old time religion.
Sidney: I don't know about the seven virtues because I'm Jewish.
Mr. Warner: Where is that Microsoft Sam? It's almost noon and he's not here yet.
Dave: Don't worry, Mr. Warner. He's coming in right now.
Mr. Warner: Where?
(Microsoft Sam is riding the WB Shield like Bugs Bunny)
Mr. Warner: Microsoft Sam! Do you realize you're four hours late coming in to work? And get down off of the shield!
Sam: Yessir. Asswipe!
Mr. Warner: Just get down from that shield and don't call me an asswipe again, you sonofabitch!
(The WB Shield zooms in yet again, but the letters read "NC" with the captions reading "Name Calling Pictures Inc.")
Sam: Sorry I'm late, Mr. Warner. I thought I'd set my alarm clock for 6 A.M. and instead I'd set it for 6 P.M.
Mike: Good think you woke up when you did.
Mary: You would have slept the whole day away.
Anna: I'm just glad you're here.
Mr. Warner: Microsoft Sam, you are in a heap of trouble for coming here so fucking late!
Sam: Can I help it if I'd set the alarm for 6 P.M. instead of 6 A.M.?
Mr. Warner: Never mind! You came here four hours late, Sam, and do you know what this means?
Sam: No vacations this year?
Mr. Warner: YOOOOOOOOOOOOU'RE FIRED!!
Sam: Fired? Fired!? NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAPPITY CRAP CRAP CRAP! MR. WARNER, IT'S NOT FAIR OF YOU TO FIRE ME FOR BEING A FEW HOURS LATE! IF YOU DON'T RE-HIRE ME I'LL KILL MYSELF AND YOU'LL BE HELD RESPONSIBLE YOU ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE!! *BOOM!!*
Scotty: How ironic. Every time Sam fires me, I throw a tantrum just like the one he just threw! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
Sam: SHUT UP, RADAR OVERSEER SCOTTY! MR. WARNER JUST FIRED ME AND I'M HOLDING YOU RESPONSIBLE!
Mr. Warner: SAM, JUST GET OUT OF HERE!!
Sam: All right, Mr. Warner! I know when I'm licked, but you just wait until the process server shows up with a warrant for Radar Overseer Scotty! Get bent! I'm leaving!
(Sam leaves the studio)
Mr. Warner: Don't worry, Scotty. Whatever charges Sam files against us will only be frivolous.
Scotty: Thanks, Mr. Warner. I'm feeling better already.
(The Devil and She-Devil show up in the Looney Tunes rings with the ViD Theme accompanying them.)
Mr. Warner: You again? What do you want this time?
Devil: Microsoft Sam's soul, what else?
Mr. Warner: You're too late. I just fired him.
She-Devil: Then we claim davemadson's soul instead.
Dave: Let go of me, She-Devil, or I'll tell God and the Angel on you!
She-Devil: Would you rather get shit on?
Mr. Warner: Insufferable, intolerable and unacceptable!
Angel: I second the motion!
God: You two infernal imps take the cake! Always barging into the studio and relieving yourselves all over davemadson and his friends!
Devil: We do this for a reason. Our claims on their souls shall be proven valid.
She-Devil: And any interference from you is always scandalous to us, which is why we shit all over them!
Mike: And you make all of us sick.
Mary: We can't stand being dumped on.
Anna: Everything you evil beasts do, we all despise.
Dave: So make like the wind and blow!
Devil: Of course we'll blow. Shall we let them have it?
She-Devil: Let's do it! Bombs---
SFX: THUNDER!!
God: davemadson's subscribers on YouTube are sick and tired of you relieving yourselves all over the place! Take that!
[God releases power to the Devil and She-Devil]
SFX: GIGANTIC EXPLOSION!!!
[The Devil and She-Devil falls back]
SFX: LOUD CRASH!!!
Devil: Ouch! Not again!
She-Devil: When you least expect it, that's when we'll strike!
God: Sore losers, yes. Prophets, no.
Devil: Oh sphincter!
(The WB Shield zooms in one more time, but the captions read "When is Microsoft Sam Coming Back?" instead of "WB.")
LH Michael: That's what we've been wondering.
LH Michelle: When is Microsoft Sam coming back?
Mr. Warner: Everybody here is asking the same question.
Dave: So, Mr. Warner, is Microsoft Sam coming back?
Mr. Warner: There's only one way I'll bring him back. WHEN HELL FREEZES OVER!!
Officer Flanigan: Mr. Warner?
Mr. Warner: What do you want?
Officer Flanigan: It's me, Officer Flanigan. I have an important message to deliver to the studio.
Dave: What is it?
Officer Flanigan: It's a summons to appear in court. You've all been sued by Microsoft Sam.
Scotty: Sued?
Jimmy: Sued?
Hank: Sued?
Guy: Sued?
Sidney: Sued?
Officer Flanigan: And you're all ordered to testify in court on charges of wrongful termination.
Mr. Warner: Take it easy, Mr. Warner. You've handled legal challenges before. Stay cool. Uh-oh! Tantrum is coming on! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT! MICROSOFT SAM, YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! I FIRED YOU FOR JUST CAUSE SO JUST ACCEPT IT, YOU HEAR ME? IT WAS JUSTIFIED JUSTIFIED JUSTIFIED JUSTIFIED JUSTIFIED JUSTIFIED JUSTIFIED JUSTIFIED!! *BOOM!!*
Beulah: Holy Schneikees!
Abby: Are you all right, Mr. Warner?
Mr. Warner: I just don't like being sued.
Mike: Don't worry, Mr. Warner.
Mary: It's just Sam's control-freak tendencies getting the best of him again.
Anna: Lucky for me, I asked to have my psychiatry license reinstated.
Dave: And Sam may not be the only one who needs help.
RoboSoft 3 reading: Will Microsoft Sam win his lawsuit, or is his career at davemadson enterprises inc. really over? Find out in the next episode of Looney Tunes Intro Bloopers!
[RoboSoft 3 narrating] "Mr. Warner fired Microsoft Sam for being four hours late for work... ...and Sam filed a lawsuit against Mr. Warner and davemadson productions inc., alleging wrongful termination and overreaching authority. Sam sought control of the studio and an injunction barring Radar Overseer Scotty from returning. Meanwhile, back in the studio, Dave, with help from Microsoft Anna, handled the difficult task of directing." [Anna] I hope Sam isn't too rough on Mr. Warner in court, Dave. [Dave] No matter what happens, Anna, he should learn his place. [Anna] I understand, Dave. Then let's get this show on the road! Roll camera! Cue shield! Two WB shields? Two shields are better than one. Three shields? Three shields to the wind. For it's one, two, three shields and you're out. At the old ballgame. Four shields? Looks like a clover. I'm looking over a four-shield clover that I overlooked before. Five shields. Must be a new rank in the Army. Instead of a five-star general, they now have a five-shield general! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ahem! You wish to speak, Dave? Yes, Jimmy. Aren't you going overboard with the shield? You wanted to spice things up. Can we help it if the shield is multiplying like rabbits? How many shields do you really need, Dave? Just one. One? One? One? One? Yes, one! Now look here, my friends... THE SHIELD SHOULD DISPLAY "WB," YOU UNDERSTAND? "WB!" Take it easy, Dave. You know things are difficult with Scotty not here. Stay cool. Uh-oh! Tantrum is coming on! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT! WHEN THE HELL ARE SAM, SCOTTY AND MR. WARNER COMING BACK? I'M CRACKING UP WITH THESE *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***!! [BOOM!!] Are you all right, Dave? I'm just getting anxious for the court case to settle, Abby. [Abby] That's all right, Dave. I still love you. We're right behind you all the way. Excuse me, am I interrupting? Not really, Officer Flanigan. What's up? Sam and Mr. Warner have decided to settle out of court. They settled out of court? What was the decision? Mr. Warner apologized to Sam for his rash decision and Sam agreed to drop the case. Is Scotty coming back? Well, yes and no. Sam's still seeking an injunction barring Scotty from working here. Take it easy, Beulah. You know Sam can't stand between you and Scotty. Stay cool. Uh-oh! Tantrum is coming on. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT! MICROSOFT SAM, YOU KNOW I LOVE SCOTTY AND YOU CAN'T KEEP HIM AWAY FROM ME! IF YOU BAN HIM FROM HERE I'LL BEAT YOU UP YOU *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***!! [BOOM!!] Are you okay, Beulah? I'm all right, Abby. Why should anyone stand in the path of true love? Beulah, you know I won't let Sam break us up for anything. [Beulah] Scotty! Am I glad to see you! [Kissing] [Beulah] I love you, Scotty. [Scotty] I love you too, Beulah. Ah, love. I wish I had a girlfriend. Don't worry, Mr. Warner. Someday you'll find the right one for you. Sam will be here later. He's undergoing psychiatric therapy. I hope they declare Sam fit to return. I sure miss him. I'm sure he'll be all right, Anna. We're just glad you're back, Mr. Warner. And it's great to be back. Same here. [Anna] Sam, I'm so glad you're back. I missed you. [Sam] I missed you too, Anna. Shall I get to the shield zooms again, Sam? I guess so, Scotty. I just couldn't see myself getting you banned from here. Go to it! As good as done, Mein Kapitaen! Uh, Scotty? Yeah, Sam? The shield is supposed to display "WB" and ONLY "WB," you dig? Take it easy on Scotty, Sam. Do as he says, Sam. Yessir. ***! STOP CALLING ME AN ***, YOU SONOFABITCH! SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!! SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!! Come on now, Sam! What is it about Scotty and Beulah being together that you disapprove of? It's because Scotty's a dime-a-dozen bum and Beulah could lose her soul if she marries him, that's what! How dare you insult my boyfriend, Sam! Apologize! Never! I order you two to break up and never date each other again, or you're both fired! You're out of your mind, Sam! I'm not a dime-a-dozen bum! You are too a dime-a-dozen bum! [Scotty] I am not! [Sam] You are too! [Scotty] I am not! [Sam] You are too! [Scotty] I am not! [Sam] You are too! He's not a dime-a-dozen bum, Sam! Beulah and I love each other and if we have to, we'll elope! Microsoft Sam, if you stop Scotty and Beulah from marrying, I'm calling the cops! I oughta send the Devil and She-Devil after you! Just try it! [ViD Theme} Not the Devil and She-Devil again! [Devil] Yes, it's us again, davemadson. [She-Devil] You can't keep us away for long, can you? Microsoft Sam, get rid of these infernal beasties or I'll call on God and the Angel to beat them back! Not so fast, Dave! I refuse to allow Scotty and Beulah to marry and that's that! Now you're talking our language, Microsoft Sam! Break-ups and divorces are two of our favorite activities. What's going on here? Are these two infernal imps bothering you again? Sam coaxed them into coming. He's biased against Scotty and Beulah getting hitched, that's all. I'm not biased, Dave. I'm opposed to their getting hitched, that's all. You are TOO biased, Microsoft Sam! If Scotty and I wanna marry, then so be it! Stop them, Devil and She-Devil! We'd only be too happy to do that. Ask anything you want and it shall be granted. If Scotty and Beulah elope, *** all over them! Disgusting! If they do that, they'll feel My Wrath! [Devil] S-C-A-N-D-A-L-O-U-S! Put them all together and they spell SCANDALOUS! Shall we let them have it? [She-Devil] Let's do it! Bombs away! [PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP] Gugh! Not on me, you imps! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww! [Barfing] You filth! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww! [Barfing] There's no justification for this at all! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww! [Barfing] One of these days, Devil and She-Devil! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww! [Barfing] Foulest of the foul! Take that, infernal soilers! [LOUD CRASH!!] [Devil] Ouch! Not another hard landing! [She-Devil] May Microsoft Sam throw a tantrum over this! Oh, my aching sphincter! OW-W-W-W-W-W! Sam, Beulah, Scotty and Dave are all cleaned up now. You may resume your video. Good riddance to bad rubbish! [Devil] Oh sphincter! Uh-oh! Methinks I goofed again! Youthinks right, Scotty. The set's all out of order. It's all mixed up. [Anna] Do you think we can fix up the mix-up, Dave? [Dave] Later, Anna. Right now, let's all go out for lunch. Where to, Dave? Where else? [Scotty] Oh anorexia! 
Sam: Ready, Dave?
Dave: Ready, Sam!
Sam: Places everyone!
Dave: Roll camera!
Sam: Cue the shield!
(WB)
(Warner Bros. Pictures Inc. Presents - This Picture is Upside Down!)
Sam: Uh, Scotty?
Scotty: Yeah, Sam?
Sam: What are you doing upside down?
Scotty: Upside down?
Jimmy: Whatever gave you that idea?
Hank: No wonder something feels different.
Guy: We can't stay upside down like this.
Sidney: All the blood rushes to our heads.
(UD)
(Upside Down)
Mike: Look at me! I'm upside down!
Mary: So am I.
Anna: So this is what it's like to be upside down.
Sam: That's funny. I'm not upside down.
Beulah: Well, I'm upside down, Sam.
Abby: This is fun!
LH Michael: This gives me a new perspective on life.
LH Michelle: Let's let it all hang out! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Dave: All right, break it up! No hanging around when we're trying to get the Looney Tunes intro done.
Sam: Hey Dave, how come you and the others are all upside down?
Dave: We're not upside down, Sam. You are. Look.
Sam: Oh stroke! [CRASH!]
Anna: Sam? Are you all right?
Sam: Ouch! My head! My skull! My spine! My sphincter! Owww!
RoboSoft 3 reading: "Later, after Sam was treated at the hospital for his injuries..."
(WB)
(Wild Beast)
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!
Dave: SHUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!!
Mike: That's telling him, Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaave!
Sam: Shut up, you asswipe!
Mike: Why are you always calling me an asswipe, Sam?
Sam: Because I don't know what else to call you when I get pissed off.
Mike: Just don't call me an asswipe again, you sonofabitch!
(WB)
(Weird Behavior)
Mary: Weird behavior?
Anna: It doesn't surprise me. It happens here all the time! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
(WB)
(Whiskey Bottle)
Jimmy: Whiskey bottle?
Hank: Get Jack Daniels on the phone.
Dave: I knew a Jack Daniels in college.
Guy: Really? Was he your drinking buddy?
Dave: Not exactly. We had a No Alcohol policy on campus.
Sam: Teetotaler University? Hahahahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
Dave: Shut up, Sam!
Sam: Sorry, Dave. I hear Sidney was in the bar last night.
Sidney: Don't be an asswipe, Sam! I never touch the stuff!
Sam: Sidney's a hard drinker! Hahahahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
Sidney: Stay calm, Sidney.
You know you don't drink.
Remain
calm.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum
is
coming
on!
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT! MICROSOFT SAM, YOU'VE GOT YOUR FUCKING NERVE SAYING I'M DRUNK!
I'M NOT A BOOZER YOU DIMWIT DIMWIT DIMWIT DIMWIT DIMWIT DIMWIT DIMWIT DIMWIT!!
*BOOM!!*
(WB)
(Warehouse Brands)
Beulah: Warehouse Brands.
Abby: Buy direct from the manufacturer and eliminate the middleman.
Sam: Eliminate the middleman? Great idea, Abby! I'll fire Radar Overseer Scotty.
Scotty: No you won't, Sam! Remember the last time you fired me?
Sam: I'd rather forget.
Mr. Warner: Good man, Sam.
(WB)
(Wright Bros. Pictures Inc. Presents - My Flight with Kitty Hawk)
LH Michael: Kitty Hawk?
LH Michelle: Is she related to Tony Hawk?
Sam: All right, who keeps fucking up the caption?
Jimmy: Not me.
Hank: Not me.
Guy: Not me.
Sidney: Not me.
Sam: One of you is lying.
Jimmy: Not me.
Hank: Not me.
Guy: Not me.
Sidney: Not me.
Sam: I know one of you is lying. Who's fucking up the captions?
Scotty: Gimme a break, Sam! At least I got the shield right!
Sam: RADAR OVERSEER SCOTTY, YOOOOOOOOOOOOU'RE FIRED!!
Scotty: Fired? FIRED!?
Beulah: Microsoft Sam! You re-hire Scotty right now!
Sam: Never! Scotty's firing is justified, you hear? Justified!
Dave: Justified my ass! Re-hire Scotty or I'll tell Mr. Warner on you!
Mr. Warner: You heard him, Sam! I'm ordering you to re-hire Radar Overseer Scotty right now!
Sam: No way in Hell, Mr. Warner! Scotty's a dime-a-dozen bum, you hear me? A dime-a-dozen bum!
Mr. Warner: He's not a dime-a-dozen bum, Sam! Re-hire Scotty or you're getting a wedgie!
Sam: It's an outrage!
Mr. Warner: Scotty, you're re-hired.
Scotty: Thank you, Mr. Warner.
Sam: It's a conspiracy! I oughta send the Devil and She-Devil after you for this!
Dave: Just try it, Sam!
(Devil and She-Devil)
[ViD Theme]
Dave: No, no, no! Not the Devil and She-Devil again! I'm sick and tired of these infernal monsters showing up and ruining my videos!
Devil: Who did you expect? Abercrombie & Fitch?
She-Devil: Why must you be so upset over our appearances?
Dave: I know all about your wiles. Every time you come here, you end up soiling us and making us sick, and God and the Angel punish you for it.
God: What's going on here?
Angel: Are these infernal imps bothering you?
Dave: Sam coaxed them into coming here.
God: For shame, Microsoft Sam! I should let the Devil and She-Devil claim your soul for this!
Dave: Now that's music to our ears!
She-Devil: We can use Microsoft Sam in our plan to dominate the world.
Sam: Hold on there! I summoned you two because Mr. Warner wouldn't let me fire Radar Overseer Scotty!
Devil: In that case, we'll be glad to claim him.
Scotty: God, save me!
God: Don't be afraid, Scotty. Whatever evil scheme these imps may hatch, they can't overcome Me.
Devil: No more interference! I mean it!
She-Devil: Stop us from claiming Sam and Scotty and we'll shit all over them!
Angel: That's disgusting!
God: If you soil them, you'll feel My Wrath... again!
Devil: Scandalous! Shall we let them have it?
She-Devil: Let's do it! Bombs away!
(CENSORED)
[PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP]
Sam: Gugh! You disgust me! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww!
[Sam barfing]
Mike: Stop using us for toilets! Eeeewww! Eeeewww!
[Scotty barfing]
Angel: We warned you against this vile act!
God: Now you're getting yours, Devil and She-Devil! Take that!
[God releasing power to the Devil and She-Devil]
*GIGANTIC EXPLOSION!!*
[The Devil and She-Devil falling back]
[LOUD CRASH!!]
Devil: Curses! Foiled again! These hard landings hurt! Ouch!
She-Devil: You forgot to let us take Sam and Scotty with us! Oh, my aching sphincter! OW-W-W-W-W-W!!
Angel: I've cleaned up Sam and Scotty and you may resume your video.
Dave: Thank God!
God: You're welcome.
Devil: Oh sphincter!
Sam: Take it easy, Sam.
You know you can't fight a Higher Power.
Remain
calm.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP!
GOD, YOU SHOULD HAVE LET THE DEVIL AND SHE-DEVIL TAKE SCOTTY WITH THEM! THE DEVIL WAS RIGHT!
IT IS SCANDALOUS SCANDALOUS SCANDALOUS SCANDALOUS SCANDALOUS SCANDALOUS SCANDALOUS SCANDALOUS!!
*BOOM!!*
God: How dare you rage against My Authority, Microsoft Sam! Take that!
[God releasing power to Microsoft Sam]
*B-B-B-BOOM!!*
God: Let this be a lesson to you. Never rage against My Authority!
Sam: Sorry.
Devil: Welcome to the club.
Sam: Oh sphincter!
(The WB Shield with the captions and letters is about to explode)
*BOOM!!*
(W B s P t s I c P s t)
Scotty: Uh-oh! Methinks we goofed again.
Sam: Youthinks right, Scotty.
Anna: Take it easy, Sam. You need a little rest.
Sam: You're right, Anna. I should know better than to invoke the Wrath of God.
Scotty: Beulah, will you marry me?
Beulah: Oh yes, Scotty! Yes!!
[Beulah and Scotty kissing]
Beulah: I'm so glad Sam saw the error of his ways.
Scotty: So am I, Beulah.
Abby: Shall we try the intro again, Dave?
Dave: Let's wait till tomorrow, Abby. Sam needs to rest and relax. Let's take the rest of the day off.
RoboSoft 3 reading: "After being zapped by God for throwing a tantrum over the Devil and She-Devil leaving without Radar Overseer Scotty, Sam was rushed to ROFL City Hospital with third-degree burns. Scotty and Beulah went out to celebrate their engagement. The Looney Tunes Intro Bloopers go on as usual."
Dave: Any news on Sam's condition?
Anna: The doctor says Sam will be okay, but he'll need more time to recuperate from his third-degree burns.
Mike: I never saw Sam in such a sorry state before.
Mary: He said he should have known better than to invoke the Wrath of God.
Abby: Do you think that Sam will survive his condition?
Dave: He will, if we pray hard enough.
Anna: I've been praying every fifteen minutes.
LH Michael: It's a wonder Sam was never swept away in a torrent.
LH Michelle: That happened in Raiders of the Lost Ark.
Jimmy: Who'll man the zooms?
Dave: You guys can handle it.
Hank: That's very nice, Dave, but shouldn't we wait until Scotty and Beulah get back?
Guy: They needed some time away so they can celebrate the engagement.
Sidney: And with Sam in the hospital, he's in no condition to even try to stop their wedding.
Dave: Then let's get this show on the road! Lights, camera, action!
(Exxon)
Mike: Exxon. Get your Exxon! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Mary: Put a tiger in your tank.
Anna: My tiger is tanked already! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
(Nyan Cat)
Abby: What is that, Dave?
Dave: That is the Nyan Cat.
Jimmy: "Nyan?"
Hank: "Nyan" means "Meow" in Japanese.
Abby: Do you mind getting that cat out of here? I think I'm about to sneeze.
Guy: Uh-oh! Batten down the hatches! 
Sidney: Incoming!
Abby: Ahh... Ahhhh... AH-CHOO!!
*BOOM!!*
LH Michael: Holy Schneikees! Did you see that, Lernout & Hauspie Michelle?
LH Michelle: Abby's sneezes are like dynamite!
Dave: Gesundheit, Abby!
Abby: Thanks, Dave. I should have warned you I was allergic to cats.
(Hardee's)
Dave: What's with the commercial plugs?
Jimmy: I have no idea, Dave.
Hank: We try to bring up the shield, but there's a cross-circuit in the mechanism.
Dave: If Sam saw this, he'd throw a tantrum.
Guy: What? In his condition?
Sidney: He's so weak right now, he couldn't even throw a Nerf ball.
(Westinghouse)
Announcer: You can be sure...if it's Westinghouse.
Mike: A boy opened his refrigerator and found a rabbit lounging in the butter dish.
Mary: And the boy said: "What are you doing in the refrigerator?"
Anna: Said the rabbit: "Isn't this refrigerator a Westinghouse?"
Abby: The boy replied: "As a matter of fact, it is."
Dave: To which the rabbit responded: "Well, I'm westing!"
On-screen reading: LAME!!!
(Wah-wah-wah-wah sound effect)
(Red NYET)
Dave: Now what?
Red NYET: It's me, the Red NYET.
LH Michael: Oh great!
LH Michelle: Now we're getting Russian logos?
Dave: What are you doing here, Red NYET?
Red NYET: Looking for Microsoft Sam.
Anna: He's not here. He's in the hospital recovering from the burns he sustained when God zapped him.
Red NYET: Oh flatulence! They wouldn't let me anywhere near the hospital! Screw it!
(The Red NYET zooms out of the rings)
Mike: Is that Red NYET really Russian?
Mary: If so, I wonder who devised it.
Dave: I believe that was the creation of Vladimir Knock-it-off.
Anna: Vladimir Knock-it-off?
Dave: Yeah. He made such a racket in his childhood that his parents shouted: "Vladimir, knock it off!" Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
Officer Flanigan: I have an urgent message for you.
Dave: What is it?
Officer Flanigan: It's a court order declaring the laugh line "Hahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl" to be sole property of, and copyrighted by, Microsoft Sam.
Dave: Take it easy, Dave.
Sam's too weak to be a control freak.
Stay
cool.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum
is
coming
on!
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!
MICROSOFT SAM, HOW DARE YOU DO THIS TO US WHILE YOU'RE IN THE HOSPITAL!
I'M CHALLENGING THAT ORDER BECAUSE IT'S UNCONSTITUTIONAL
YOU MANIAC MANIAC MANIAC MANIAC MANIAC MANIAC MANIAC MANIAC!!
*BOOM!!*
Officer Flanigan: Are you through, Dave?
Dave: I guess so, Officer. Sorry about the tantrum, but Sam's haunting me from his hospital bed.
Officer Flanigan: I'll recommend your legal action, but from this point on, anyone who uses the laugh line without Sam's permission is fined $50.
Abby: And if anyone throws a tantrum over it?
Officer Flanigan: An additional $25.
Dave: Oh torts!
Abby: I'll pay Dave's fine for him, Officer.
Officer Flanigan: Good thinking, Abby.
(United Artists)
Jimmy: United Artists.
Hank: United we stand, divided we fall.
Guy: Artists of the world, unite!
Sidney: There is power in an artists' union! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
(Windows XP Blue Screen of Death)
[Jarring chord]
Dave: Now what?
Windows XP Blue Screen of Death: I'm the Windows XP Blue Screen of Death. What is keeping Microsoft Sam from his date with perdition?
Dave: Look here, Blue Screen of Death---Sam's not here!
Anna: He's in the hospital, recovering from the burns he sustained when God zapped him.
Windows XP Blue Screen of Death: Oh filth! The Devil and She-Devil won't like this at all! If they were here, they'd shit all over you!
Abby: But they're not here, so ha ha ha!
Windows XP Blue Screen of Death: Unless you let the Devil and She-Devil take possession of Sam, I'll shit all over you!
Anna: Don't you dare get filthy with us! Take that!
[Anna releasing power to the Windows XP Blue Screen of Death]
*B-B-B-BOOM!!*
Anna: There! That's one less scary logo to worry about.
(The Angry P-Head and Two-Headed P-Head)
[Jarring chord]
Abby: Oh noes! It's that Angry P-Head and that Two-Headed P-Head!
Dave: Steady, Abby.
Angry P-Head: Yes it's us, and we're pissed off at you.
Two-Headed P-Head: What do you mean by blasting the Blue Screen of Death to smithereens?
LH Michael: Smithereens? Wasn't there a band by that name?
LH Michelle: I got all their records.
Dave: Just what business do you evil logo parodies require of us?
Angry P-Head: We came here to take Microsoft Sam's soul.
Two-Headed P-Head: We heard he's in the hospital. When is he getting out?
Officer Flanigan: That is classified information not intended for evil logo parodies.
Angry P-Head: Shut up, flatfoot! We're here on orders of the Devil and She-Devil.
Two-Headed P-Head: Ordinarily they'd be here, but they're still recuperating from the blows God gave them.
Dave: It serves those infernal imps right to suffer.
Anna: We're not giving you Microsoft Sam and you can't make us.
Angry P-Head: You're making a fatal mistake, you harlot!
Two-Headed P-Head: Unless you give us Microsoft Sam, we'll shit all over you!
Anna: Don't you two start getting filthy with us, and I am not a harlot! Take that!
[Anna releasing power to the Angry P-Head and Two-Headed P-Head]
*GIGANTIC EXPLOSION!!*
Anna: I've sent the Angry P-Head and Two-Headed P-Head back where they belong.
Officer Flanigan: Good work, Anna. I'll take Dave's case to the courthouse right away.
(SB)
(Sphincter Bros.)
Jimmy: Sphincter Brothers?
Hank: Methinks we goofed again.
Guy: Youthinks right, Hank.
Sidney: If only Scotty and Beulah were here.
Scotty: You called?
Dave: Scotty! How are ya?
Scotty: Just fine.
Beulah: We're so excited that we're getting married.
Scotty: We haven't set the date yet.
Beulah: How is Sam?
Anna: He's making progress in the hospital. The doctors say it will be another week or so before he's ready to go home.
Dave: Smooth move, Scotty. I didn't know you had it in you.
Beulah: He had it in him all the time.
Scotty: I just waited for the right moment to pop the question.
(Warner Bros. Pictures Inc. Presents - That's all Folks!)
Officer Flanigan: Your case has been heard, Dave.
Dave: And?
Officer Flanigan: Sam's agreed to relinquish his exclusive ownership of his signature laugh line as soon as he's fully recovered.
Abby: That's good news.
Officer Flanigan: I also have news of the other kind. It's a message from the Devil and She-Devil.
Anna: What does it say?
Officer Flanigan reading: "Surrender Microsoft Sam to us, or else we will ATTACK THE EARTH!!" Signed, The Devil and She-Devil.")
Dave: Oh plantar fasciitis!
RoboSoft 3 reading: "Will the Devil and She-Devil carry out their threat to attack the Earth? Or will Dave call on God and the Angel to beat the infernal imps back again? And will Sam be sufficiently recovered from his wounds in time? Find out in the next episode of Looney Tunes Intro Bloopers!"
Prologue (Looney Tunes Intro Bloopers 69: Lost in Logo Land)
RoboSoft 3 Reading: "In our last episode of Looney Tunes Intro Bloopers..."
RoboSoft 3 Narrating: "With Microsoft Sam in the hospital, Dave handled the task of directing. The gang was visited by the Red NYET, the Windows XP Blue Screen of Death, and the Angry P-Head and the Two-Headed P-Head, all demanding that Sam's souls be turned over to the Devil and She-Devil. The Red NYET left on its own, but Microsoft Anna used her laser-eye powers to beat back the other logos. Officer Flanigan delivered a message from the Devil and She-Devil, threatening to attack the Earth if sam wasn't turned over to them. While waiting for Sam to be released from the hospital, Dave carried on with directing."
Dave: Is everybody ready?
Mike: All present and/or accounted for with the exception of Sam.
Mary: He's still in the hospital.
Anna: The doctor just called and said Sam may be released today.
Dave: Well, let's get started. Roll camera! Cue shield!
(Q)
Dave: That's not funny.
Jimmy: Sorry, Dave.
Hank: You said "Q shield."
Dave: Yeah, but I meant the word "cue," not the letter "Q."
Guy: Maybe a pool cue?
Sidney: Perhaps we can do better.
(db)
(Do Better Pictures Inc.)
Scotty: Uh-oh! Methinks we goofed again.
Beulah: Youthinks right, Scotty, but I wouldn't sweat it.
Abby: At least it wasn't the Nyan Cat.
(Nyan Cat)
Abby: Oh noes! Not the Nyan Cat! Get it out of here! Ahh. Ahhhh... Ah-CHOO!
*BOOM!!*
Beulah: Gesundheit, Abby!
Abby: Thanks, Beulah.
LH Michael: Abby's still allergic to cats.
LH Michelle: Some allergy. Her sneezes are so explosive, her nose smokes afterwards.
(SR)
(Sam's Return Pictures Inc.)
Sam: Hi gang!
Dave: Microsoft Sam! How's the kid?
Sam: The kid's fine, Dave. You?
Dave: Still carrying on with the bloopers.
Mr. Warner: Glad to see you've recovered, Sam.
Mike: Glad to see you back too, Mr. Warner.
Mary: Where have you been?
Mr. Warner: I've been on vacation. I heard about Sam's mishap and was afraid he was too burned-up to recover.
Sam: While I was in the hospital, I asked God to forgive me for railing at Him and promised not to do it again.
Mr. Warner: And did He forgive you?
Sam: He did, Mr. Warner.
Mr. Warner: Good man, Sam.
(Devil and She-Devil)
[ViD Theme]
Beulah: Oh noes! Not the Devil and She-Devil!
Abby: Save us, Jesus!
Devil: Why do you always say that name in front of us?
She-Devil: You know it makes our tails grow limp!
Dave: So, Devil and She-Devil! We meet again, infernal imps!
Devil: Flattery, flattery, flattery!
She-Devil: Oh Dave, I love it when you use flattery on us.
Sam: Who left the door open?
Jimmy: Not me.
Hank: Not me.
Guy: Not me.
Sidney: Not me.
Sam: One of you is lying. Who left the door open?
Scotty: It wasn't open, Sam; it was a jar.
Devil: The door was a jar?
She-Devil: What do you keep in it? Brains? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Sam: If you monsters will pardon the expression... SHUT THE HELL UP!!
Devil and She-Devil: You are so funny, Microsoft Sam! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Dave: You infernal imps have your nerve, barging in here like that! I've got a good mind to tell God and the Angel on you!
She-Devil: Oh no you don't, davemadson! You and I have some unfinished business to take care of!
Devil: Ollie, Ollie, oxen free, scary logos come to me!
(V of Doom, S from Hell and the Mask of Guo Xiang)
Sam: Nice try, but those logos don't scare me anymore.
Devil: How about the Red NYET?
(Red NYET)
Sam: No dice.
Devil: Or how about the Angry P-Head and the Two-Headed P-Head?
(The Angry P-Head and the Two-Headed P-Head)
Sam: Nope. Not scary.
Devil: Looks like we'll have to haul out the heavy artillery.
She-Devil: I agree. The Windows XP Blue Screen of Death.
(Windows XP Blue Screen of Death)
[Jarring Chord]
Sam: AAAAAGH! Not the Blue Screen of Death! No no no no no no no no no no no no no nooooooooooooooooooooo!!
Windows XP Blue Screen of Death: Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyes! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Anna: How dare you scare Microsoft Sam with that Blue Screen of Death! Take that!
[Anna releasing power to the Windows XP Blue Screen of Death]
Devil: Ha! Your powers can't match ours!
She-Devil: Take this, you harlot!
[She-Devil releasing strong powers to Microsoft Anna]
*B-B-B-BOOM!!*
Sam: You fiends! Look what you just did to Anna!
Dave: I'm telling God and the Angel on you!
She-Devil: You'll do nothing of the kind, Dave! I want you!
Abby: Just a minute, She-Devil! Dave's mine!
She-Devil: Stay out of this, Abby!
[She-Devil releasing more strong powers to Abby]
*B-B-B-BOOM!!*
Beulah: Oh noes! The She-Devil knocked Abby out the same way she knocked Anna out!
Scotty: There's only one thing to do, Beulah. Let's elope!
Beulah: Good thinking, Scotty! Let's go!
Devil: Not so fast, you two! Let's see you handle this!
[Devil releasing even more stronger powers to Beulah and Scotty]
*B-B-B-BOOM!!*
Dave: You've gone too far this time, Mr. and Mrs. Mephistopheles! I lift my call to God Almighty!
God: I hear your call, davemadson.
Angel: Are those infernal monsters making trouble for you again?
Dave: Indeed they are, and for that I despise them!
Sam: They came to take me away under threat of an attack on the Earth!
Dave: And they had the unmitigated audacity to knock Anna, Abby, Scotty and Beulah out with their diabolical powers!
Anna: Oh... What happened?
Abby: I feel like I've been asleep for a week.
Dave: Relax, you two. You'll be okay.
Devil: Why must you interfere in our business?
She-Devil: We came to claim Sam's soul and we'll stop at nothing to do it.
Angel: That's just so like you infernal monsters.
God: Claiming souls without showing conclusive proof of guilt.
Devil: Don't you remember? Last time you sent us back, Sam threw a tantrum because Radar Overseer Scotty didn't come with us.
She-Devil: And you zapped him so badly he had to go to the hospital.
Devil: Which proves beyond all doubt he belongs on our side.
She-Devil: And if he refuses to surrender to us, we'll lead our logo army in a campaign to destroy the Earth!
Angel: You left out one detail.
God: While Sam was in the hospital, he prayed to Me asking forgiveness and it was granted.
Devil and She-Devil: Scandalous, scandalous, scandalous!
God: Not scandalous, you imps!
Angel: You heard Him! Begone, and darken this place no more!
Guy: That's telling those refugees from Dante's Inferno.
Dave: Be careful, Guy! Those infernal imps are awful strong! Or should I say, just plain awful?
Guy (last words before his death): I'm not afraid of those monsters as long as God is on my side!
Devil: You've just crossed the line, me bucko!
She-Devil: Let's see you handle this!
[The Devil and She-Devil releasing even strongest powers to Guy before his death]
*GIGANTIC EXPLOSION!!**
(Guy's dead)
[Low pitched Jarring Chord]
Dave: Oh noes! They've killed Guy!
Sam: You bastards!
She-Devil: This is your last warning, God!
Devil: Will you surrender Sam to us, or do we destroy the Earth?
God: You'll do nothing of the kind, you muderous marauders! Take that!
[God releasing powers to The Devil and She-Devil and the Army of Scary Logos]
*GIGANTIC EXPLOSION!!**
[The Devil and She-Devil falling back through the Looney Tunes rings]
[LOUD CRASH!]
Devil: Curses! Foiled again!
She-Devil: At least we destroyed one of their gang! Oh, my aching sphincter! OW-W-W-W-W-W!!
Scotty: Who... What... Where am I?
Dave: Relax, Scotty. It's all over now. The Devil and She-Devil were sent back where they belong.
Beulah: Oh... What happened?
Abby: It's all right, Beulah. You'll be okay.
Anna: You should consider yourself lucky, Sam.
Sam: I guess I am lucky, Anna.
(LS)
(Lucky Sam Pictures Inc.)
Dave: I agree, Sam. You are one lucky person.
Sam: Thank you. Unfortunately, I can't say the same for Guy.
Scotty: What happened to him?
Sam: Guy challenged the Devil and She-Devil and he was blown to smithereens.
Scotty: He was my brother. I'm gonna miss him.
Beulah: There, there, Scotty. I'm sure we'll never forget him.
Angel: He meant well. He'll be one of us now.
Devil: Oh sphincter!
Scotty: I will dedicate our future videos to my late brother.
Beulah: we'll always have each other, Scotty.
Scotty: I agree, Beulah. Not even the dark powers can tear us apart.
RoboSoft 3 reading: "A memorial service was held in remembrance of Guy. Scotty and Beulah agreed to postpone their wedding until after the period of mourning. Stay tuned to this channel for more Looney Tunes Intro Bloopers!"
Sam: Places everyone!
Dave: Roll camera!
Sam: Cue the shield!
(BW)
Mike: "B-W?"
Mary: Brothers Warner?
Anna: If the shield said "B-K", it would be the Brothers Karamazov.
Scotty: The Brothers Carry-Mouse-Off?
Jimmy: That was a Tom and Jerry cartoon.
Hank: Produced by Chuck Jones.
Sidney: Best known for his work at Warner Bros.
Sam: Not "B-W" - "W-B."
(VP)
(Vitaphone)
Beulah: "V-P?"
Abby: The Vice-President is coming here?
Dave: Not that I know of, Abby.
Sam: Uh, Scotty?
Scotty: Yeah, Sam?
Sam: The shield is supposed to display "W-B," not "V-P."
Scotty: To make a tired point, in the words of Steve Martin, well excuuuuuuuuuuuuse meee!
(WB)
(Vitaphony)
LH Michael: Vitaphony?
LH Michelle: Is that the opposite of a Vitareally? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!
Dave: CUT IT OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUT!!
Sam: Well, Jeez Louise, Dave... You don't have to shout!!
Mike: Keep quiet, Sam.
Sam: Stay out of this, you asswipe!
Mike: Take it easy, Mike.
You know that's not an issue anymore.
Stay
cool.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum
coming
on
now!
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!
MICROSOFT SAM, I'M SICK OF YOU CALLING ME AN ASSWIPE EVERY TIME I ANNOY YOU, YOU HEAR ME?
YOU SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH!! 
*BOOM!!*
Sam: Sorry, Mike, but I didn't know what else to call you.
Mike: Just a gut reaction, Sam. I've been called worse.
(WB)
(Vitaphonics)
Mary: Vitaphonics. The perfect primer for your pre-schooler.
Anna: Your child can have fun learning through sound with Vitaphonics.
(WB)
(Vitaphonograph)
Scotty: I had a Vitaphonograph once, but the needles wore out.
Jimmy: So did you get a Vita CD player?
Hank: Or a Vita MP3?
Sidney: Vita shut up!
Sam: Welcome to the club, Sidney! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
(WB)
(Vitaphonebooth)
Beulah: What do you call a man who steps into a Vitaphonebooth?
Abby: Vita-Man! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Dave: "Vitaphonebooth?"
Sam: That is so 1941.
LH Michael: Did you notice we've been using the 1941 color rings?
LH Michelle: Next thing you know, they'll re-enact Pearl Harbor.
(PH)
(Pearl Harbor)
Sam: Scotty, come here.
Scotty: Here we go again - another lecture.
Dave: This is getting very boring.
Sam: Boring or not, Scotty, you never seem to know what logo belongs here.
Scotty: You're always treating me like a second-grade kid in school when you lecture me!
Dave: He's right, Sam. Why must you always treat Scotty like a second-grade kid in school?
Sam: Because he always acts like one, that's why!
(WB)
(Vitalstatistics)
Scotty: I don't act that way, Sam.
Sam: You do too, Scotty.
Scotty: I do not!
Sam: You do too!
Scotty: I do not!!
Sam: You do too!!
Scotty: I do not!!!
Sam: You do too!!!
Dave: All right, break it up!
Sam: I've had it with you, Scotty!
Scotty: Put me down, Sam!
Beulah: You heard him, Sam! You've got your nerve treating Scotty this way! You know he and I are engaged!
Sam: Then call off the engagement, or else!
Scotty: We'll do nothing of the kind, Sam!
Beulah: Scotty and I are getting married and you can't do a thing to stop us!
Dave: You heard them, Sam! Stop interfering with Scotty and Beulah's planned wedding!
Sam: They're right, Sam.
You shouldn't meddle in their affairs anyway.
Remain
calm.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP!
SCOTTY AND BEULAH, HOW DARE YOU DEFY MY AUTHORITY BY GETTING ENGAGED!
IF YOUR MARRIAGE GOES THROUGH I WILL CURSE YOU, YOU HEAR ME?
CURSE CURSE CURSE CURSE CURSE CURSE CURSE CURSE!!
*BOOM!!*
(Devil and She-Devil)
(ViD Theme)
Devil: Did we just hear our cue?
She-Devil: We heard Sam say he'd curse Scotty and Beulah if their marriage goes through.
Dave: Sam! You summoned the Devil and She-Devil again!
Sam: Yeah? Well, so what?
Dave: You have your nerve, threatening to curse Scotty and Beulah's impending marriage! I lift my call to God Almighty!
God: I hear your call, davemadson.
Angel: Are you getting trouble from those infernal imps again?
Dave: Sam started it! He threatened to curse Scotty and Beulah if they go ahead with their wedding!
Sam: You stoolie, Dave!
God: Don't you dare invoke My Wrath again, Microsoft Sam!
Scotty: Yeah, Sam! See what you started?
Beulah: Scotty and I are engaged, we're gonna get married, and that's that!
God: Repent, Sam, or I turn you over to the Devil and She-Devil!
Devil: We'll be glad to have him.
She-Devil: I'd rather take Dave with me. He fascinates me.
Dave: I've said it before, but I'll say it again: you're too dangerous for me, She-Devil!
She-Devil: Am I, my darling?
Sam: Enough! God, I'm sorry for threatening to curse Scotty and Beulah. It was just a gut reaction. I hereby repent and I promise never to curse the them no matter what happens.
God: Good man, Sam. I forgive you.
Devil: This is beyond scandalous!
She-Devil: Turn Sam, Scotty, Beulah and Dave over to us or we shit all over them!
Angel: Vile and disgusting!
God: And after Sam repented yet! If you soil them, you'll feel My Wrath again!
Devil: Again I say, this is beyond scandalous! Shall we let Sam, Scotty, Beulah and Dave have it?
She-Devil: Let's do it! Bombs away!
*CENSORED*
[PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP]
Devil: "Censored!?" What do you mean "censored?"
She-Devil: If you don't show us shitting all over you, you'll all be cursed!
Sam: Gugh! You filth! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww!
[Sam barfing]
Scotty: That's what I say! Eeeewww! Eeeeeewwww!
[Scotty barfing]
Beulah: Sick! Gross! Eeeewww! Eeeeeewwww!
[Beulah barfing]
Dave: You oughta be potty-trained! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww!
[Dave barfing]
Angel: I agree with Dave!
God: Take that, infernal soilers!
[God releasing power to the Devil and She-Devil]
*GIGANTIC EXPLOSION!!*
[The Devil and She-Devil fall back through the Looney Tunes rings]
*LOUD CRASH!!*
Devil: Curses! Foiled again!
She-Devil: May Scotty and Beulah's marriage fail!
God: Sore losers, yes. Prophets, no.
Devil: Oh sphincter!
Angel: Sam, Scotty, Beulah and Dave are all cleaned up now and you may resume your video.
Dave: Thank God!
God: You're welcome.
Devil: I hate it when they clean us up!
She-Devil It always makes our asses hurt! OW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!!
(WB)
(Vitameatavegamin)
Scotty: Vitameatavegamin.
Jimmy: Spoon your way to health.
Hank: Do you pop out at parties?
Sidney: Are you unpoopular?
Dave: Enough with the I Love Lucy references!
(WB)
(Viagra)
Beulah: Viagra?
Abby: That's the product that enhances your sex drive.
LH Michael: Sex Drive and Violence Lane.
LH Michelle: Located in Viagra Falls.
Dave: Viagra Falls! Slowly I turn, step by step, inch by inch...
Abby: Oh Dave! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Scotty: Methinks we goofed once more.
Sam: Youthinks right, Scotty, but I can't stay mad at you.
Dave: Especially since Scotty and Beulah are gonna take the plunge.
Anna: Have you set a date for the wedding yet?
Beulah: As soon as we can find a preacher.
Scotty: And a chapel to hold the ceremony.
Sam: To make it up to you, Scotty, I can be the best man.
Scotty: Thanks, Sam.
Dave: We'll reserve some time at Stonehenge Chapel for Scotty and Beulah's wedding. I know the preacher there well.
Sam: And what's the preacher's name?
Dave: I thought you'd never ask.
Dave reading: The Reverend Blue Jeans!!
Sam: Oh Neil Diamond!
Sam: Places everyone!
Dave: Roll camera!
Sam: Cue the shield!
(Cut to the Looney Tunes rings and the theme song plays, but nothing appears and the theme screeches to a halt.)
Scotty: Uh-oh! Methinks we goofed.
Jimmy: Youthinks right, Scotty.
Hank: We forgot the shield.
Sidney: Just a freak accident.
Sam: Never steam the freak.
(The Warner Bros. Shield zooms in, but instead of "WB," the letters read "FO" and the captions read "Freak Out! Pictures Inc.")
Mike: Ah, freak out!
Mary: Le Freak, c'est chic, freak out!
Anna: Chic, 1978.
Sam: You'll make me freak out if you don't bring up the proper logo.
(The WB Shield zooms in again, but instead of "WB," the letters read "PL" and the captions read "The Proper Logo.")
Beulah: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Did you see that, Abby?
Anna: Sam wanted the proper logo and look what he got! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!
Dave: Ease up on Scotty, Sam!
Sam: Fuck you, Dave!
Dave: Sam just dropped the F-bomb again! I'm washing his mouth out with soap!
(The WB Shield zooms in again, but instead of "WB," the letters read "MW" and the captions read "Mouth Wash.")
Sam: Bleh! Not Lifebuoy again! Gugh! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww! [Sam barfing]
Dave: I hope this teaches Sam a lesson not to cuss at me.
LH Michael: You shouldn't have used Lifebuoy, Dave.
LH Michelle: Washing someone's mouth out with soap has been declared cruel and unusual punishment.
Dave: Take it easy, Dave. You know they're right. Stay cool. Uh-oh! Tantrum is coming on! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT! WHOEVER DECLARED WASHING ONE'S MOUTH OUT WITH SOAP CRUEL AND UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT SHOULD BE DISBARRED THE SHYSTER SHYSTER SHYSTER SHYSTER SHYSTER SHYSTER SHYSTER SHYSTER!! *BOOM!!*
Abby: Are you alright, Dave?
Dave: I guess so, Abby. How could I have known the courts would do such a thing?
Abby: You'll be okay, Dave. You just have to learn not to fight city hall.
Dave: True, but you can have a lot of fun trying.
(The WB Shield zooms in again, but the captions read "Why Bother? Pictures Inc." instead of "Warner Bros. Pictures Inc.")
Beulah: Hey, check it out! I'm wearing my wedding dress.
Scotty: You look like the perfect bride.
Jimmy: Remember the traditions: something old...
(The WB Shield zooms in yet again, but instead of "WB," the letters read "SO" and the captions read "Something Old.")
Hank: Something new...
(The WB Shield zooms in yet again, but instead of "WB," the letters read "SN" and the captions read "Something New.")
Sidney: Something borrowed...
(The WB Shield zooms in yet again, but instead of "WB," the letters read "SB" and the captions read "Something Borrowed.")
Dave: And something blue.
(The WB Shield zooms in yet again, but instead of "WB," the letters read "SB" and the captions read "Something Blue.")
Sam: When's the preacher coming?
Dave: Soon, I think.
(The WB Shield zooms in yet again, but in hostage of Scotty and Beulah's wedding, instead of "WB," the letters read "SB," and the captions read "Scotty and Beulah Pictures Inc. Presents... It's Our Big Day And We're So Excited!")
Beulah: I can hardly wait, Scotty. I'm perspiring so much, my dress is getting wet.
Scotty: I'm so nervous, my feet may trigger an earthquake.
Sam: Relax, you two. Everything will be okay as soon as the preacher arrives and we all go to Stonehenge Chapel for the ceremony.
(The Devil and She-Devil show up in the Looney Tunes rings with the ViD Theme accompanying them.)
Devil: Not so fast, me buckos!
She-Devil: We strongly oppose Scotty and Beulah's marraige!
Beulah: Oh noes! Not the Devil and She-Devil! [THUD!]
Scotty: Beulah!
Dave: Sorry, we don't send wedding invitations to party crashers.
Devil: Party crashers my ass!
She-Devil: We're here to stop the wedding from taking place.
Beulah: Who... What... Where am I?
Scotty: It's okay, Beulah. You just fainted.
Devil: No, it's not okay.
She-Devil: We're opposed to this marriage.
Dave: On what grounds?
Devil: We consulted an oracle.
She-Devil: And he said that if Scotty and Beulah get married; it would trigger Earth's destruction.
Dave: You and your oracles! I lift my call to God Almighty!
God: I hear your call, Dave.
Angel: Here we go again. Those infernal imps stirring up trouble.
Scotty: Dang right they're stirring up trouble.
Beulah: Their so-called oracle claims the world would be destroyed if Scotty and I marry.
Devil: What the oracles foresees always comes true.
She-Devil: Stop the wedding or we shit all over Scotty and Beulah!
Angel: Disgusting, sickening and unacceptable!
God: If you do that, you'll feel My Wrath yet again!
Devil and She-Devil: Scandalous!
God: Not scandalous!
Devil and She-Devil: Scandalous!
God: Not scandalous!
Devil and She-Devil: Scandalous!
God: Not scandalous!
(The WB Shield zooms in yet again, but instead of "WB," the letters read "RBJ" and the captions read "The Reverend Blue Jeans.")
Mike: Look at that sleek car pulling up.
Mary: Who is that?
Reverend Blue Jeans: I'm the Reverend Blue Jeans.
Anna: The Reverend Blue Jeans?
Dave: The Reverend Blue Jeans!
Devil: Gugh! A man of the cloth!
She-Devil: He bugs us like a moth and makes us wanna froth!
Dave: Thank God you're here, Reverend.
God: You're welcome.
Reverend Blue Jeans: I come here to lead the procession to Stonehenge Chapel for Scotty and Beulah's wedding and I find those infernal imps threatening world destruction if the wedding goes through.
Angel: Which we will never allow to happen.
God: If they so much as harm one living creature on the very Earth I created, they will feel double the pain.
Devil: Get out of here, so-called Reverend Blue Jeans, or we'll zap you to smithereens as we did to Guy in "Looney Tunes Intro Bloopers 70: War of Logos!"
She-Devil: You heard him! Get out of here so we can succeed in stopping Scotty and Beulah's wedding!
Reverend Blue Jeans: To me, the Lord God is the boss... and I sully these beings of evil with this cross!
Devil: Gugh! Take that rood away! It's making us sick! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww! [Devil barfing]
She-Devil: That's an unfair advantage! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww! [She-Devil barfing]
Dave: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Look at those wicked beings! Anything holy makes them sick!
Sam: For once they've gotten a taste of their own medicine. They're lying prostrate on the floor now.
Angel: Serves those infernal imps right.
God: Now to dispose of them. Take that, infernal imps!
[God releases powers to the Devil and She-Devil] *GIGANTIC EXPLOSION!!*
[The Devil and She-Devil falls back through the Looney Tunes rings] *LOUD CRASH!!*
Devil: Curses! Foiled again! And yet another hard crash landing! Ouch!
She-Devil: Oh, I think all my bones are broken, as well as my sphincter! OW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!!
Dave: Good riddance to bad rubbish!
Reverend Blue Jeans: Now that those intruders are out of the way, let's all go to Stonehenge Chapel.
(The WB Shield zooms in for the last time, but instead of "WB," the letters read "SC" and the captions read "Stonehenge Chapel Presents... The Wedding of Scotty and Beulah.")
[The Stonehenge Chapel is here with the sign reading "Stonehenge Chapel. Today is Scotty & Beulah's Wedding. Next Week will be Bingo Night.")
Sam: This is all to beautiful.
Anna: Are you okay, Sam?
Sam: I can't help it, Anna. Someone always cries at weddings.
Reverend Blue Jeans: Do you, Radar Overseer Scotty, take Beulah to be your lawful wedded wife?
Scotty: I do.
Reverend Blue Jeans: And do you, Beulah, take Radar Overseer Scotty to be your lawful wedded husband?
Beulah: I do.
Reverend Blue Jeans: Then by the power vested in me, I pronounce you man and wife. You may now kiss the bride.
[Beulah and Scotty kisses the bride.]
Beulah: Oh Scotty, I'm so happy!
Scotty: So am I, Beulah.
Mr. Warner: Don't worry about expenses, Sam. I'll take care of things.
Sam: Thank you, Mr. Warner.
Officer Flanigan: This ceremony has been performed under top security conditions.
Reverend Blue Jeans: Not even those infernal imps, the Devil and She-Devil, could have penetrated our security wall. God and the Angel are making sure the wall isn't breached.
Devil: Oh Sodom and Gomorrah!
RoboSoft 3 reads on-screen: "Scotty and Beulah returned to their honeymoon to join the rest of the gang as Dave moved his headquarters to LOL-LOL Land. The studio set up shop in BFF City, the capital of LOL-LOL Land, and the Looney Tunes Intro Bloopers went on as usual.
(The Warner Bros. Shield zooms in, but the letters read "LL," and the captions read "LOL-LOL Land Pictures Inc. Presents... We Declared our Independence from Roflica--- So There!")
Sam: Ready, Dave?
Dave: Ready, Sam!
Sam: Then let's get this show on the road! Roll camera! Cue the shield!
(The WB Shield zooms in again, but the captions read "Warrior Bros." instead of "Warner Bros. Pictures Inc.")
Sam: Uh, Scotty?
Scotty: Yeah, Sam?
Sam: It's supposed to be "Warner Bros.," not "Warrior Bros."
Mike: Well, how about that?
Mary: We move to a new home and what do we get?
Anna: The same old bloopers... ...but we love it!
Mr. Warner: And so do I! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
(The WB Shield zooms in again, but the captions read "Warner Bombers" instead of "Warner Bros. Pictures Inc.")
Beulah: Warner Bombers?
Abby: Bombers wouldn't come here. LOL-LOL Land is a peaceful country. *BOOM!!* Of course, I could be wrong.
(The WB Shield zooms in again, but the letters read "SB" instead of "WB" and the captions read "Slow Burn Pictures Inc." instead of "Warner Bros. Pictures Inc.")
Sam: Scotty, come here!
Scotty: Here we go again - another lecture.
Dave: [Yawn!]
Jimmy: Congratulations, Sam.
Hank: You're about to give another boring lecture to Scotty.
Sidney: Even the rings are yawning.
Looney Tunes Rings: [YAAAAAAAAWN!]
Scotty: You see, Sam? Everyone is tired of these lectures of yours! You always make me feel like a second-grade kid in school when you lecture me!
Sam: That's because you always act like one, Scotty!
Beulah: He doesn't act that way, Sam! If you harm one hair of Scotty's head, I'll kick you in the crotch!
Sam: I dare you! *CROTCH KICK!* SOI!!
Scotty: Good shot, Beulah!
Beulah: Hey, I'm a natural.
Sam: Take it easy, Sam. You had it coming. Remain calm. Uh-oh! Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP! SCOTTY AND BEULAH, I WAS OPPOSED TO YOUR MARRIAGE FROM THE BEGINNING! CROTCH-KICK ME ONCE MORE AND I'M CALLING A DIVORCE LAWYER YOU ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES!! *BOOM!!*
Scotty: Calm down, Scotty. Don't get upset. Stay cool. Uh-oh! Tantrum is coming on! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT! MICROSOFT SAM, YOU HAD IT COMING AND DON'T YOU DEMEAN US AGAIN YOU DOOFUS DOOFUS DOOFUS DOOFUS DOOFUS DOOFUS DOOFUS DOOFUS!! *BOOM!!*
Anna: Don't take it so hard, Sam. At least give Scotty and Beulah a chance to experience the joys of marriage.
Sam: I'll try, Anna, but it won't be easy.
Beulah: I'm sure Sam didn't mean what he said in his tantrum, Scotty. I still love you.
Scotty: And I still love you, Beulah.
(The WB Shield zooms in again, but the letters read "WS" instead of "WB" and the captions read "Wooden Ships Pictures Inc." instead of "Warner Bros. Pictures Inc.")
LH Michael: Wooden ships on the water.
LH Michelle: Sailing free and easy.
(The WB Shield zooms in again, but the letters read "CJ" instead of "WB" and the captions read "Captain Jack Pictures Inc." instead of "Warner Bros. Pictures Inc.")
Sam: Captain Jack? What, are we referencing Billy Joel songs now?
Dave: I've seen the lights go out on Broadway.
(The Nyan Cat zooms in instead of the WB Shield.)
Abby: Oh noes! That Nyan Cat is back! Get it out of here! Ah... Ahhhh... Ah-CHOOO!! *BOOM!!*
Dave: Gesundheit, Abby!
Abby: Thanks, Dave. Whoever sent that Nyan Cat in here is insensitive to anyone who's allergic to cats.
Sam: He must be a real dog! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
(The Facebook logo zooms in instead of the WB Shield.)
LH Michael: Facebook.
LH Michelle: Is my face good enough to be included in the book?
Sam: If it's a book of homely faces! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
LH Michelle: Control yourself, Lernout & Hauspie Michelle. Just let it slide. Keep your cool. Uh-oh! Tantrum is coming on! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT! MICROSOFT SAM, QUIT INSULTING MY FACE YOU BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD!! *BOOM!!*
(The Twitter logo zooms in instead of the WB Shield.)
Anna: Twitter is into Looney Tunes now?
LH Michael: If Anna believes that, she's really gone Looney Tunes! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Anna: Calm down, Anna. Relax. Stay cool. Uh-oh! Tantrum is coming on! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! LERNOUT & HAUSPIE MICHAEL, DON'T YOU EVER QUESTION MY SANITY AGAIN YOU WEIRDO WEIRDO WEIRDO WEIRDO WEIRDO WEIRDO WEIRDO WEIRDO!! *BOOM!!*
LH Michael: I'm sorry, Anna. I didn't mean it.
Anna: That's all right, Lernout & Hauspie Michael. I just had to let off steam.
(The WB Shield zooms in once again, but this time, the letters read "IS" instead of "WB" and the captions read "Insults Suck Pictures Inc." instead of "Warner Bros. Pictures Inc.")
Scotty: Insults suck.
Jimmy: I'm hip to that, Scotty.
Hank: Suck a picture?
Sidney: Some pictures really suck.
Sam: Just like this one! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rolf!
Dave: "Rofl rofl rofl rolf?"
Sam: Oh sphincter!
(The WB Shield zooms in yet again, but this time, the letters read "SB" instead of "WB" and the captions read "Sphincter Bros. Pictures Inc." instead of "Warner Bros. Pictures Inc.")
Beulah: Sphincter Brothers?
Abby: Just like Sam sometimes - a real pain in the sphincter! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! *CROTCH KICK!* Ouch! My crotch! OW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-!!
Dave: Sam, Sam, Sam.
Sam: Dave, Dave, Dave.
Dave: Why did you crotch-kick Abby?
Sam: She stole my laugh line, that's why!
Dave: This isn't Roflica; this is LOL-LOL Land.
Sam: Fuck you, Dave!
Dave: Get the soap!
Sam: No! Not Lifebuoy! Anything but Lifebuoy!
RoboSoft 3 reads on-screen: "Later, after Dave washed Sam's mouth out with soap... ...again..."
Sam: Bleh! Gugh! Yucko! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww! [Sam barfing]
Dave: And don't you ever drop the F-bomb on me again! Ever!
(The Devil and She-Devil show up in the Looney Tunes rings with the ViD Theme accompanying them.)
Dave: Well, well, well! The Devil and She-Devil have the unmitigated audacity to show up again!
Devil: We meet again, davemadson.
She-Devil: How's life treating you, fugitives from Roflica?
Dave: Welly, welly, welly! The Prince and Princess of Darkness dare invade our new studio here in BFF City, capital of LOL-LOL Land!
Devil: We have good reason to invade.
She-Devil: Because an event has prompted our arrival.
Dave: Wellity, wellity, wellity---
Sam: Shut up, Dave!!
Mike: What are you infernal imps doing here?
Mary: And you'd better have a good reason.
Anna: One false move, and we summon God and the Angel to beat you back again.
Devil: That won't do you any good this time.
She-Devil: We heard that Roflica has rejected LOL-LOL Land's declaration of independence.
Devil: Which means LOL-LOL Land is still a part of Roflica.
She-Devil: And you have orders to return to ROFL City to face charges of high treason.
Dave: Not with the treason charge again! I lift my call to God Almighty!
God: I hear your call, Dave.
Angel: Are those infernal imps bothering you yet again?
Dave: They claim Roflica rejected LOL-LOL Land's declaration of independence and are accusing Sam and I of treason.
Sam: A false accusation, because you know how the Devil is the father of all lies.
Devil: Flattery, flattery, flattery!
She-Devil: Your flattery always thrills us!
Angel: There is no proof that Roflica rejected LOL-LOL Land's declaration of independence.
God: And the treason charge is null and void because of lack of evidence.
Devil: Scandal above all scandals! I'm taking Sam hostage!
Sam: You infernal hooligan! Let go of me!
She-Devil: Dave and I have some unfinished business to take care of.
Dave: You're still too dangerous for me, She-Devil!
Angel: This is an outrage above all outrages!
God: Leave Sam and Dave alone or you'll once again feel My Wrath!
Devil: Scandalous and nothing but scandalous!
She-Devil: Either we take Sam and Dave with us or we shit all over them!
Angel: Still disgusting and still unjustified!
God: Go away and never bother davemadson and his friends again!
Devil: That's as far as you go! Let's get them, She-Devil!
She-Devil: Bombs away!
*CENSORED!!!* [PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP]
Sam: Hah! You missed!
Dave: Never touched us even once!
Beulah: That's because Reverend Blue Jeans gave us some crosses.
Abby: When you started to let loose, we raised our crosses high.
Sam: So the shit boomeranged and hit the Devil and She-Devil instead! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
Devil: Gugh! You tricked us! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww! [Devil barfing]
She-Devil: Covered in our own filth! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww! [She-Devil barfing]
Dave: Serves them right for trying to let loose on us.
Sam: I agree, Dave. These infernal imps got a taste of their own medicine again.
God: Now I send them back where they belong!
He zaps the Devil and She-Devil until it culminates in a massive explosion. The words "GIGANTIC EXPLOSION!!" appear.)
SFX: GIGANTIC EXPLOSION!!
[The Devil and She-Devil fall down through the Looney Tunes rings.]
SFX: LOUD CRASH!!
Devil: Curses! They turned the tables on us! Ouch!
She-Devil: One of these days, Dave, you'll be mine for real! Oh, my aching sphincter! OW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!!
Scotty: You showed some courage, Beulah.
Beulah: It was a matter of faith, Scotty.
Dave: Good thing Reverend Blue Jeans gave you those crosses.
Abby: I did it out of love for you, Dave. I couldn't stand to see you covered in devil poop again.
Sam: Let's get back to doing the Looney Tunes intro.
Scotty: Roger-dodger!
(The WB Shield with the letters "WB" and the captions "Warner Bros. Pictures Inc." and "Presents" are about to explode into pieces!)
SFX: BOOM!!
(The captions now read "W n B s P t e c P s t.")
Mike: Holy Schneikees!
Mary: The shield exploded again!
Anna: Was it the Mad Bomber, Dave?
Dave: I doubt it, Anna. LOL-LOL Land is supposed to be a peaceful nation.
Sam: Then who did it?
Dave reading: HARVEY ZILTH!!!
Sam: Oh nitroglycerine!
Sam: Places everyone!
Dave: Roll camera!
Sam: Cue shield!
(CUE)
(Cue Shield Pictures Inc.)
Sam: Hahahahahahahahahahah! Hahahahahahahahahahah! Hahahahahahahahahahah!
Scotty: What's so goddamned funny, Sam?
Sam: "Cue shield!" Hahahahahahahahahahah! *CROTCH KICK!* SOI!!
Dave: It's not funny anymore, Sam.
Jimmy: Dave's right, Sam.
Hank: First the letter "Q," now the word "cue."
Sidney: It was funny at first, but now it's boring.
Dave: I agree with you. [YAAAAAAAAWN!!]
Sam: Ouch! My crotch! I'll get you for this, Dave! Owww!
Anna: All right, Dave. Why did you kick Sam in the crotch?
Dave: Because that joke isn't funny, Anna.
Anna: I see you need a lesson in being mean to Sam, Dave. Take that!
[Anna releases power to Dave]
*BOOM!!*
Dave: Me and my big fat mouth! I'm sorry, Anna.
Anna: Apology accepted, Dave.
(HZ)
(Harvey Zilth Pictures Inc.)
Mike: Harvey Zilth?
Mary: Who's Harvey Zilth?
Harvey Zilth: I'm Harvey Zilth.
Beulah: Pleased to meet you, Mr. Zilth.
Harvey Zilth: Don't be so formal. Call me Harvey.
Abby: Nice to meet you, Harvey.
LH Michael: So what brings you here, Harvey?
Harvey Zilth: I heard you needed a new security officer since you came to LOL-LOL Land.
LH Michelle: What about Officer Flanigan?
Anna: He was the old security guard when we were in Roflica.
Harvey Zilth: They forbade him entry into LOL-LOL Land.
Dave: Welcome to our studio, Harvey Zilth. Sorry for my appearance, but Anna zapped me after I crotch-kicked Sam for laughing at a lame joke in this video.
Harvey Zilth: That's okay. I have the cure-all.
(WB)
(Warner Bros. Pictures Inc. Presents - LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLooney Tunes)
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: You bellowed, Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam?
Sam: Yes, I bellowed, Scotty! How many L's in "Looney?"
Scotty: Sorry, Sam. My fingers get tired.
Sam: RADAR OVERSEER SCOTTY! YOOOOOOOOOOOOU'RE FIRED!!
Scotty: Fired? FIRED!?
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!
THERE YOU GO AGAIN, SAM, FIRING ME FOR SOMETHING TRIVIAL!
I HOPE BEULAH BEATS YOU UP FOR THIS
YOU ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE!!
*BOOM!!*
Sam: Take it easy, Sam.
Remain
calm.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP!
WHEN I SAY FIRED, SCOTTY, I MEAN FIRED!
I'M ORDERING YOU AND BEULAH TO DIVORCE, YOU HEAR ME?
DIVORCE DIVORCE DIVORCE DIVORCE DIVORCE DIVORCE DIVORCE DIVORCE!!
*BOOM!!*
Beulah: Calm down, Beulah.
Take a deep breath.
Stay
cool.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum
is
coming
on!
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!
MICROSOFT SAM, EITHER YOU RE-HIRE SCOTTY OR I'M TELLING MR. WARNER ON YOU
YOU BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD!!
*BOOM!!*
Dave: Three tantrums in a row? That sets a new record.
Mr. Warner: I agree. Sam, if you don't re-hire Scotty, you're fired!
Sam: Fuck you, Mr. Warner!
Mr. Warner: YOU DON'T SAY "FUCK YOU" TO YOUR BOSS, SAM! THAT'S INSUBORDINATION! YOOOOOOOOOOOOU'RE FIRED!!
Sam: What? Fired!? No no no no no no no no no no no no nooooooooooooooooooooo!!
Mr. Warner: Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyes!! Get out! Now!
(WB)
(Warner Bros. Pictures Inc. Presents - Looney TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTunes)
Scotty: Am I re-hired or do I file a lawsuit?
Dave: Yes, Scotty, you are re-hired.
Sam: A-ha! Re-hiring Scotty behind my back! I accuse you of mutiny!
Mr. Warner: Look who's talking mutiny, Sam! I thought I fired you! Now get out!
Harvey Zilth: Uh, just a minute, Mr. Warner. I think you should give Sam another chance.
Mr. Warner: Well, if you say so, Harvey.
Harvey Zilth: I certainly do, Mr. Warner.
Mr. Warner: Microsoft Sam, you're re-hired.
Sam: Thanks, Mr. Warner.
(WB)
(Warner Bros. Pictures Inc. Presents - MMMMMMMMMMMMerrie Melodies)
Dave: MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMerrie Melodies?"
Mary: Oh Dave, you flatter me! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Mike: Leave Mary alone, Dave! She's mine!
Dave: In the words of Steve Martin: well excuuuuuuuuuuuuse meee!
(WB)
(Warner Bros. Pictures Inc. Presents - Merrie MMMMMMMMMMMMMMelodies)
Sam: Scotty, come here.
Scotty: Oh noes! Not another lecture!
Sam: No, Scotty. I'm not gonna give you another lecture.
Scotty: Then what will you give me? *CROTCH KICK!* EE-YOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!! You kicked me in the crotch! EE-YOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!!
Beulah: Sam? I have something for you.
Sam: What do you have for me, Beulah? *CROTCH KICK!* Ouch! My crotch! Owww!
Beulah: That'll teach you to hurt my Scotty, Sam!
Mr. Warner: Enough with the crotch kicks!
Harvey Zilth: That's what I say!
(CK)
(Crotch Kicks Pictures Inc.)
Mr. Warner: I said, enough with the crotch kicks!
Sam: Fuck you!
Mr. Warner: Never say "fuck you" to your boss again! Do you hear me?
Sam: When I say "fuck you" I mean "fuck you," so fuck you!
RoboSoft 3 reading: "Later, after Dave and Mr. Warner washed Sam's mouth out for dropping "F-bombs" on them..."
Harvey Zilth: What did you use to wash Sam's mouth out with?
Mr. Warner: Just a little mouth cleanser.
Dave: It was in ipecac.
[Sam barfing]
(Nyan Cat)
Abby: Ye Gads! It's that Nyan Cat again! Ah... Ahhh... Ah-CHOO!!
*BOOM!!*
Beulah: Gesundheit, Abby!
Abby: Thanks, Beulah.
Jimmy: It's that allergy again.
Hank: Abby's nose smokes every time she sneezes.
Sidney: Next time Abby sneezes, call the fire department.
Harvey Zilth: Who needs a dragon?
(FB)
(Fire Breathers Pictures Inc. Presents - Who Needs A Dragon?)
Abby: If that black cat hadn't scratched me, I wouldn't be imitating a blast furnace when I sneeze.
Dave: That's okay, Abby. I just have to find out who's been sending that Nyan Cat here in the first place.
Harvey Zilth: I thought you people liked cats.
Abby: I should have told you I was allergic to them.
Sam: So! I knew it was Harvey Zilth all along!
Harvey Zilth: I didn't know Abby was allergic to cats, Sam! I'm sorry!
Sam: "Sorry" doesn't feed the bulldog! Harvey Zilth, you're fired!
Harvey Zilth: You can't fire me, Sam! I'm the new guy here, remember?
Mr. Warner: He's right, Sam. Who are you to judge the new hires?
Sam: He's my responsibility, Mr. Warner, and I regret having hired him in the first place!
Harvey Zilth: You didn't give me a chance, Sam!
Sam: Shut up, Harvey Zilth! I said you were fired and I mean it! Out you go!
[CRASH!]
Sam: And anyone who re-hires Harvey Zilth I will charge with mutiny!
Mr. Warner: Those charges will only be frivolous once I bring Harvey Zilth back!
Sam: Sheesh!
Mr. Warner: And shush the sheesh!
(WB)
(Warner Bros. Pictures Inc. Presents - That's all Folks!)
Scotty: Uh-oh! Methinks I goofed.
Jimmy: Youthinks right, Scotty.
Hank: He got the shield and captions right.
Sidney: Only the rest of the cartoon is missing.
Mr. Warner: I've just spoken with Harvey Zilth on the phone.
Sam: I don't care what that unemployed oaf said, Mr. Warner. I'm not re-hiring him and that's final.
Mr. Warner: I'm the one who re-hired him, Sam. He agreed to drop his threatened lawsuit.
Sam: He's an asswipe!
Harvey Zilth: I'm not an asswipe, so stop calling me one, you sonofabitch!
Sam: Yessir. Mutineer! *CROTCH KICK!* SOI!!
Sam: Places everyone!
Dave: Roll camera! Cue the shield!
(Cut to the Looney Tunes rings and the theme song plays, but nothing appears and the theme screeches to a halt.)
Sam: Wait a minute! I'm the one who says "cue the shield!"
Scotty: But Dave said "cue the shield."
Sam: Dave, that is my line!
Dave: Sorry, Sam. I was just anxious for the picture to start.
Anna: That's all right, Dave. I promise not to zap you anymore.
Sam: Good thinking, Anna. Cue the shield!
(The Warner Bros. Shield zooms in, but instead of "WB," the letters read "SB" and the captions read "Special Bulletin Pictures Inc." instead of "Warner Bros. Pictures Inc.")
Harvey Zilth: This is Harvey Zilth with a davemadson enterprises inc. special bulletin. Officer Flanigan has been cleared to enter LOL-LOL Land. More details to come.
(The WB Shield zooms in again, but the letters read "WD" instead of "WB" and the captions read "What a Drag! Pictures Inc." instead of "Warner Bros. Pictures Inc.")
Sam: Uh, Scotty?
Scotty: Yeah, Sam?
Sam: The shield is supposed to say "WB," not "WD."
Scotty: B-D, B-D, B-D, that's all folks! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
(The WB Shield zooms in again, but the letters read "BN" instead of "WB" and the captions read "Breaking News Pictures Inc." instead of "Warner Bros. Pictures Inc.")
Harvey Zilth: Here's a follow-up on Officer Flanigan. He has now entered LOL-LOL Land. An investigation revealed that Flanigan was not part of a conspiracy by radicals from Roflica. This is Harvey Zilth reporting.
(The WB Shield zooms in again with the letters reading the same "BN" as before, but this time, the captions read "Broken Nose Pictures Inc." instead of "Warner Bros. Pictures Inc.")
Jimmy: Breaking news.
Hank: Broken nose.
Sidney: Either way, both can hurt you.
(The WB Shield zooms in again, but the letters read "WC" instead of "WB" and the captions read "Weak Cliches Pictures Inc." instead of "Warner Bros. Pictures Inc.")
Beulah: Weak cliches?
Abby: As opposed to strong ones? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Sam: That's not funny, Abby.
Abby: Sorry, Sam.
(The WB Shield zooms in again, but the letters read "NF" instead of "WB" and the captions read "News Flash Pictures Inc." instead of "Warner Bros. Pictures Inc.")
Harvey Zilth: This is Harvey Zilth with another news flash. Officer Flanigan has assumed his duties as security guard at davemadson enterprises inc.
LH Michael: Welcome back, Officer Flanigan.
Officer Flanigan: It's good to be back in the fold.
LH Michelle: We thought you were part of a conspiracy against us.
Officer Flanigan: They cleared me of any role in it.
(The WB Shield zooms in yet again, but this time, the letters read "WP" with the captions reading "Wild Party Pictures Inc." instead of "WB" with the captions "Warner Bros. Pictures Inc.")
Sam: Wild Party?
Dave: That's what Sam throws every night.
Sam: Shut up, you asswipe!
Dave: Don't call me an asswipe, you sonofabitch!
Mike: You heard him, Sam!
SFX: CROTCH KICK!
Mike: Ouch! You kicked me in the crotch, Sam! Owww!
Dave: Microsoft Sam? What did I tell you about kicking people in the crotch?
Sam: Fuck you, Dave!
RoboSoft 3 reads on-screen: "Later, after Dave washed Sam's mouth out yet again..."
Sam: Bleh! Gugh! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww! [Sam barfing]
Anna: Don't tell me you washed Sam's mouth out with soap again!
Dave: No, Anna. It wasn't soap; it was laundry detergent. [Sam barfing]
Anna: Calm down, Anna. You know Sam had it coming. Stay cool. Uh-oh! Tantrum is coming on! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! DAVE, YOU COULD HAVE POISONED MICROSOFT SAM YOU MANIAC MANIAC MANIAC MANIAC MANIAC MANIAC MANIAC MANIAC!!
SFX: BOOM!!
Dave: Did I say laundry detergent? I'm sorry, it was only Listerine.
Sam: It tasted like laundry detergent; though. Yuck!
Anna: Who spiked Sam's Listerine?
Scotty: Not me.
Jimmy: Not me.
Hank: Not me.
Sidney: Not me.
Dave: Somebody is lying.
Scotty: Not me.
Jimmy: Not me.
Hank: Not me.
Sidney: Not me.
Dave: One of you is lying. Who spiked Sam's Listerine?
[The message reads on-screen "Urgent News Bulletin!" with the news flash music in the background.]
Harvey Zilth: We have just received word that mercenaries have infiltrated with LOL-LOL Land and some of them apparently spiked Microsoft Sam's Listerine with laundry detergent. Officer Flanigan reports that two mercenaries are at large and may have infiltrated our studio. We will keep you informed as conditions warrant.
(The WB Shield zooms in yet again, but this time with the letters reading "MI" and the captions reading "Mercenary Invaders Pictures Inc." instead of "WB" with the captions "Warner Bros. Pictures Inc.")
Scotty: Mercenaries in our studio? The nerve!
Beulah: Don't worry, Scotty. I'm always here to protect you.
Dave: Sounds like trouble.
Abby: I'll be at your side till the end, Dave.
(The Devil and She-Devil show up in the Looney Tunes rings with the ViD Theme accompanying them.)
Dave: Oh sphincter! Not the Devil and She-Devil again!
Devil: Yes, it's us again.
She-Devil: And we're not here to play video games.
Officer Flanigan: What are you two infernal imps doing here? Get out!
Devil: You are not in any position to tell us what to do!
She-Devil: You are holding someone here who rightfully belongs to us!
Sam: And who's that?
Devil and She-Devil: Harvey Zilth!
Harvey Zilth: Me? If you'll pardon the expression, what the devil for?
Devil: We know you've been acting as a liaison between this studio and the Reverend Blue Jeans.
She-Devil: We have proof beyond all doubt he's a blasphemer.
God: What's going on here?
Angel: Are these netherworld nebbishes bothering you again?
Devil: Cease and desist this scandalous intrusion!
She-Devil: We know for a fact that Reverend Blue Jeans is guilty of blasphemy and Harvey Zilth is guilty by association.
God: Falsehoods beyond all falsehoods! You did not show conclusive proof against them!
Angel: And your so-called "the accused must be dead before conclusive proof is shown" laws are null and void outside your infernal realm!
Reverend Blue Jeans: You heard from the Highest Judge of All! Begone, and torment davemadson and his friends no more!
Devil: You, Reverend Blue Jeans, are guilty of blasphemy!
She-Devil: Surrender your soul to us or we'll shit all over you!
Reverend Blue Jeans: It is scandalous to pass judgement without conclusive proof of guilt! Begone!
God: I gave Reverend Blue Jeans the power of exorcism by using a cross to drive you evil beings away, and therefore it is not blasphemy!
Devil and She-Devil: Scandalous, scandalous, scandalous, scandalous, scandalous!
Devil: Shall we let them all have it?
She-Devil: Let's get them! Bomb---
SFX: THUNDER!!
God: Such a grossly vile act is beyond the pale! Take that!
[God releases powers to the Devil and She-Devil.]
SFX: GIGANTIC EXPLOSION!!
[The Devil and She-Devil falls back through the Looney Tunes rings.]
SFX: LOUD CRASH!!
Devil: Curses! Foiled again! The Almighty never lets us have our way! Ouch!
She-Devil: The day will come when we overpower the Almighty and davemadson and his friends will be ours! Oh, my aching sphincter! OW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!!
God: Sore losers, yes. Prophets, no!
Devil: Oh sphincter!
(The WB Shield zooms in for the last time, but the captions "Warner Bros. Pictures Inc." and "Presents" are about to explode into pieces!)
SFX: BOOM!!
(The captions now read "W n B s P t e n P s ts.")
LH Michael: Holy Schneikees! Did you see that?
LH Michelle: The WB Shield exploded again!
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!
Sam: Did you plant a bomb in the WB Shield?
Beulah: He did nothing of the kind, Sam!
Abby: Scotty's a peace-loving guy.
Sam: Well, I know for a fact somebody planted a bomb in the shield.
Dave: Then who could it be?
[The message reads on-screen "Urgent News Bulletin!" with the news flash music in the background.]
Harvey Zilth: Here is an urgent news bulletin. A bombing that just took place in our studio is the work of the Devil and She-Devil in retaliation for being driven back by God. Officer Flanigan said the Devil wanted revenge for being forbidden from taking the Reverend Blue Jeans to Hell for what the Devil said was blasphemy. God rejected the claim, saying He gave the minister powers of exorcism. This has been Harvey Zilth reporting.
Scotty: You beat the rap, Reverend.
Beulah: We knew you'd do it.
Reverend Blue Jeans: I told them God gave me the power to perform exorcisms.
Abby: It pays to believe in a Higher Power.
Dave: No matter what faith you ascribe to.
Mike: Wonderful.
Mary: You showed courage in the crunch.
Anna: Why don't we celebrate by going out to eat?
Dave: Great idea, Anna!
Scotty: Where should we go, Dave?
Dave: Where else?
Dave reads on-screen: CHEZ MONYOU!!!!
Sam: Oh sludge!
Sam: Places everyone!
Dave: Roll camera!
[The camera rolls through the Looney Tunes rings.]
Sam: What are you doing?
Harvey Zilth: Rolling a camera.
Dave: That's not what we meant, Harvey.
Harvey Zilth: But you said "roll camera."
Sam: Look, Harvey, when we say "roll camera" we didn't mean literally rolling a camera.
Dave: What we meant to say was, uh... um...
Harvey Zilth: Yes?
Dave: Well, what "roll camera" means is to, well, uh... oh, forget it!
(The Warner Bros. Shield zooms in, but the letters read "FI" with the captions "Forget It! Pictures Inc." instead of "WB" with the captions "Warner Bros. Pictures Inc.")
Scotty: Forget what?
Jimmy: What did you want us to forget?
Hank: We must have forgotten something.
Sidney: And we can't remember what it was.
(The WB Shield zooms in again, but the letters read "SM" with the captions "Short Memory Pictures Inc." instead of "WB" with the captions "Warner Bros. Pictures Inc.")
Sam: I guess it's one of those days.
Dave: With Sam, every day is one of those days! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
Sam: Take it easy, Sam. Remain calm. Uh-oh! Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP! DAVE, I'M SO SICK AND FUCKING TIRED OF HAVING MY LAUGH LINE STOLEN AND YOUR KEEPING THESE INCOMPETENTS ON STAFF AGAINST MY WISHES! YOU ALL OUGHTA BE EXECUTED YOU TRAITORS TRAITORS TRAITORS TRAITORS TRAITORS TRAITORS TRAITORS TRAITORS!!
SFX: BOOM!!
Anna: Sam? Are you all right?
Sam: I guess so, Anna. I just get so pissed off at not being able to get my way around here.
Anna: That's all right, Sam. I still love you.
Sam: And I still love you, Anna.
Scotty: Uh, Sam, how about getting this picture started?
Sam: Thanks for reminding me, Scotty. Roll camera! Cue the shield!
(The WB Shield appears again, but the letters are gone!)
Sam: Where are the letters? And if you say "in the mailbox" I'll kick you in the crotch!
Mike: Kick us in the crotch?
Mary: That would hurt!
Mr. Warner: Microsoft Sam, don't you dare crotch-kick anybody again! You hear me?
Sam: Sheesh!
Mr. Warner: And shush the sheesh!
(The letters "WB" zoom in without the shield!)
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!
Sam: Where the hell is the shield?
Scotty: You said you wanted the letters, so we gave you the letters.
Beulah: Letters, we get letters.
Abby: Write me some love letters in the sand, Dave.
Dave: I'd love to, Abby.
Sam: I want the letters on the shield, you hear me? The letters on the shield! And if the shield displays "the letters on the shield" I'm throwing you all out of here!
(The WB Shield zooms in again, but the letters read "CF" with the captions "Control Freak Pictures Inc." instead of "WB" with the captions "Warner Bros. Pictures Inc.")
LH Michael: Here we go again.
LH Michelle: Here comes Microsoft Sam, the control freak!
Sam: RADAR OVERSEER SCOTTY!! YO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-OU'RE FIRED!!
Scotty: Fired? FIRED!?
Sam: Yes, fired! And I mean it this time! Out you go!
SFX: [ZOOM!] [CRASH!]
Mr. Warner: Microsoft Sam, are you out of your mind? Bring Scotty back here right now!
Sam: Never! Scotty's firing is justified, you hear? Justified!
Mr. Warner: Justified my ass! You bring Scotty back or you're fired!
Beulah: You heard him, Sam! How dare you mistreat my husband! Bring him back!
Sam: Not so fast, Beulah! Get a divorce or I'll kill you!
Dave: You can't do that, Sam! That's MURDER!!
Sam: Fuck you, Dave! Fuck all of you!
RoboSoft 3 reads on-screen: "Later, after Dave washed Sam's mouth out with Listerine and Beulah and Mr. Warner brought Scotty back..."
Dave: And don't let me catch you threatening murder around here again! Do you hear me?
Sam: Yessir. Asswipe!
SFX: CROTCH KICK!
Sam: SOI!!
Anna: Dave, why did you kick Sam in the crotch?
Dave: Because he sassed me after I warned him never to threaten murder around here.
Anna: I wouldn't have gone so far, Dave, but I promised not to zap you again.
(The WB Shield zooms in yet again, but this time with the letters read "TB" and the captions reading "Talk Back Pictures Inc.")
Scotty: Talk Back.
Jimmy: The show that allows talking back.
Hank: Talk to us.
Sidney: And we will talk back to you.
Sam: Talk Back has been canceled.
Harvey Zilth: Why is that, Sam?
Sam: Because shows that promote talking back to people are illegal in LOL-LOL Land.
Dave: Take it easy, Dave. Stay cool. Uh-oh! Tantrum is coming on! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT! LOL-LOL LAND IS SUPPOSED TO BE A DEMOCRACY AND THAT LAW SHOULD BE DECLARED UNCONSTITUTIONAL THOSE TYRANTS TYRANTS TYRANTS TYRANTS TYRANTS TYRANTS TYRANTS TYRANTS!!
SFX: BOOM!!
(The WB Shield zooms in yet again, but this time, the letters read "db" with the captions "Dumbass Bros. Pictures Inc." like in Looney Tunes Intro Bloopers Episode 1: The Shield Gets an Attitude.)
LH Michael: Dumbass Brothers?
LH Michelle: What a rotten name for a studio!
Sam: Oh, I dunno. Lernout & Hauspie Michael can be a real dumbass sometimes! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
LH Michael: Take it easy, Lernout & Hauspie Michael. Relax. Stay cool. Uh-oh! Tantrum is coming on! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT! MICROSOFT SAM, I AM NOT A DUMBASS YOU SHITHEAD SHITHEAD SHITHEAD SHITHEAD SHITHEAD SHITHEAD SHITHEAD SHITHEAD!!
SFX: BOOM!!
(The Devil and She-Devil show up in the Looney Tunes rings with the ViD Theme accompanying them.)
Dave: Now what are these two infernal imps doing here again?
Devil: We have a bone to pick with you.
Dave: Pick away!
She-Devil: Did you ban YouTube user "childishmammal12" from your channel, Dave?
Dave: He tried to turn LOL-LOL Land into a dictatorship just so he could have me hung.
Devil: We heard "childishmammal12" complained about his banishment from your channel.
She-Devil: You denied an event that was meant to happen from happening.
Dave: What event was "meant to happen?"
Devil and She-Devil: Your banishment from YouTube!
God: Dream on, Mr. & Mrs. Mephistopheles!
Angel: davemadson has lots of friends on YouTube channel and they would never let "childishmammal12" banish him from YouTube.
Devil: No more interference! I mean it!
She-Devil: Stop us from tormenting davemadson and his friends and we'll shit all over them!
Angel: That is disgusting!
God: Soil even one of them and you'll feel My Wrath!
Devil: Scandalous, and cursed be those who deny it's scandalous! Shall we let them all have it?
She-Devil: Let's get them! Bombs away!
*CENSORED!!!* [PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP]
Sam: Gugh! They shat all over us again! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww! [Sam barfing]
Mike: You filth! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww! [Mike barfing]
Mary: There's no justification for that vile act! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww! [Mary barfing]
Anna: You'll pay for this naughty action! Eeeewww! Eeeewww! [Anna barfing]
Dave: What she said! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww! [Dave barfing]
Devil: And don't you dare clean them up this time!
She-Devil: We claim them as our own, and if you send us back, we take them with us!
Angel: Your claim on them is null and void!
God: And you evildoers can never override My Authority! Take that!
(He zaps the Devil and She-Devil until it culminates in a massive explosion. The words "GIGANTIC EXPLOSION!!" appear.)
SFX: B-B-B-B-BOOM!!!
(The Devils fall down through the Looney Tunes rings.)
SFX: LOUD CRASH!!
Devil: (dazed) Curses! Foiled yet again! We just can't win! Ouch!
She-Devil: (dazed) We should win just once, if only so I can have Dave for myself! Oh, my aching sphincter! OW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!!
Angel: Sam, Mike, Mary, Anna and Dave are all cleaned up and you may resume your video.
Dave: Thank God!
God: You're welcome.
Devil: (dazed) Oh sphincter!
(The WB Shield goes to the upper-left instead of stopping it at full stature!)
Beulah: Here we go again.
Abby: Runaway shield!
(The WB Shield goes to the upper-right instead of stopping it at full stature!)
LH Michael: Tonight on A&E:
LH Michelle: Tales of the Runaway Shield.
(The WB Shield goes to the lower-left instead of stopping it at full stature!)
Dave: Sam, I think the shield has a mind of its own.
Sam: Just like the arch-conservatives' attacks on the poor, working and middle-class citizens of America. It just doesn't know when to stop! Hahahahahahahahahahah swoo swee swoy sway!
Anna: "Swoo swee swoy sway?"
Harvey Zilth: The newest dance craze: the "Swoo Swee Swoy Sway."
(The WB Shield goes to the lower-right to make it land on Scotty's foot instead of stopping it at full stature!)
SFX: CRASH!!
Scotty: EEE-YOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!!
Beulah: What's the matter, Scotty?
Scotty: That goddamned WB Shield landed on my foot again! EEE-YOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!!
Abby: Poor Scotty. He just can't seem to sidestep the runaway shield.
Dave: He looks like Mick Jaggar on a bad night.
Abby: Well, at least it wasn't the Nyan Cat.
(The Nyan Cat zooms in instead of the WB Shield!)
Abby: Ye Gads! Not the Nyan Cat! Ah...  Ahhh... Ah-CHOOO!!
SFX: BOOM!!
Dave: Gesundheit, Abby!
Abby: Thanks, Dave. I'd better see a doctor who can help me get rid of this allergy.
Sam: Scotty suffered a broken leg and Abby's sneezes are explosive.
Dave: You were right, Sam. We've been having one of those days. Let's take the rest of the day off.
Sam: Places everyone!
(PE)
(Places Everyone Pictures Inc.)
Sam: Scotty, what is the meaning of this?
Scotty: The meaning of what?
Sam: You're not supposed to bring in the shield until I say "cue the shield," capeesh?
Scotty: Sheesh!
Dave: Shush the sheesh!
Scotty: And who's to tell me to shush the sheesh if I don't want to?
Sam: Oh scuzz!
(OS)
(Oh Scuzz! Pictures Inc.)
Mike: Did you notice the shield's been taking everything Sam says literally?
Mary: Looks like another one of those days.
Anna: I think it's funny! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Mr. Warner: And so do I! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Scotty: Touche, Sam!
Sam: "Touche?"
(TS)
(Touche, Sam! Pictures Inc.)
Jimmy: Sam's a little touchy today, isn't he?
Hank: He just can't take jokes like he used to.
Sidney: He gets pissed off at the most trivial thing and looks for a scapegoat.
Harvey Zilth: A scapegoat?
(SG)
(Scape Goat Pictures Inc.)
Sam: Why can't we get the intro right?
Beulah: I don't know, Sam.
Abby: We're just trying to get the shield right.
LH Michael: I'm gonna lay down my sword and shield down by the riverside.
LH Michelle: And I ain't gonna study war no more.
Dave: If I recall correctly, Sam, you said "Places everyone" and all this stuff happened.
Sam: Good point, Dave. Let's take it from the top! Roll camera! Cue the shield!
(WB)
(Warren Bros. Pictures Inc.)
Sam: Uh, Scotty?
Scotty: Yeah, Sam?
Sam: Who the hell are the Warren Brothers?
Scotty: Don't ask me, Sam. I just got the shield right.
(WB)
(Warner Bras Pictures Inc.)
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!
Sam: It's not "Warner Bras," it's "Warner Bros."! Get it right, you noodge!
(NB)
(Noodge Bros. Pictures Inc.)
Sam: RADAR OVERSEER SCOTTY! YOOOOOOOOOOOOU'RE FIRED!!
Scotty: Fired? FIRED!?
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!
MICROSOFT SAM, I'M WARNING YOU FOR THE LAST TIME!
IF YOU DON'T RE-HIRE ME I'LL KILL MYSELF AND YOU'LL BE RESPONSIBLE FOR IT
YOU DOOFUS DOOFUS DOOFUS DOOFUS DOOFUS DOOFUS DOOFUS DOOFUS!!
*BOOM!!*
Sam: Take it easy, Sam.
You know it's just business.
Remain
calm.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAPPITY CRAP CRAP CRAP!
WHEN I SAY FIRED, SCOTTY, I MEAN FIRED!
I DON'T GIVE A SHIT IF YOU KILL YOURSELF
BECAUSE I WILL DENY RESPONSIBILITY AND TO CALL ME A LIAR WOULD BE BULLSHIT, YOU HEAR ME?
BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT!!
*BOOM!!*
(TB)
(Tantrum Bros. Pictures Inc.)
Mr. Warner: Microsoft Sam, are you out of your mind? Re-hire Scotty right now or you're fired!
Beulah: You heard him, Sam! Bring Scotty back!
Sam: Never! Get a divorce or I'll kill you!
Mr. Warner: You can't do that, Sam! That's murder!
Sam: Bullshit!
RoboSoft 3 reading: Later, after Dave knocked the gun out of Sam's hand and Beulah and Mr. Warner washed Sam's mouth out with soap...
Sam: Bleh! Gugh! Why did you poison me? Eeeww! Eeeeeewww!
[Sam barfing]
Mr. Warner: And don't let me catch you cussing at me again! Ever!
Beulah: And I hope this teaches you a lesson never to try to break up a marriage!
Scotty: So, am I re-hired?
Dave: Yes, Scotty.
Scotty: Thanks, Dave.
Dave: And Sam, don't you ever try to be a control freak again! Do you hear me?
Sam: I hear you. Traitors!
(TB)
(Traitor Bros. Pictures Inc. Presents - The Benedict Arnold Story)
Mr. Warner: That's the last straw, Sam!
Sam: Put me down!
Mr. Warner: Microsoft Sam, you're fired! Out you go!
[ZOOM!] [CRASH!]
Scotty: Shall we continue with the Looney Tunes intro?
Dave: Go to it, Scotty!
(WW)
(Warner Warner Pictures Inc.)
Mike: Warner Warner?
Mary: What do you Warner?
Anna: Waste not, Warner not! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
(BB)
(Bros. Bros. Pictures Inc.)
Beulah: Brothers Brothers?
Abby: What next, Sisters Sisters?
Dave: Oh brother, where art thou? Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
(OB)
(Oh, Brother! Pictures Inc.)
LH Michael: Warner Bros. Pictures presents "Oh, Brother?"
LH Michelle: That shield's in worse shape than Sam.
(Devil and She-Devil)
[ViD Theme]
Beulah: Oh noes! It's the Devil and She-Devil again!
Abby: Save us, Jesus!
Devil: Don't mention that name in front of us!
She-Devil: It always makes our tails grow limp!
Dave: What are you infernal imps doing back here again?
Devil: You just can't keep us away, can you, Dave?
She-Devil: We're just like the common cold---we keep coming back.
Mike: Naturally.
Mary: They always drop in when we least expect it.
Anna: So what brings you infernal imps back again?
Devil: We only have one question.
Devil and She-Devil: Where is Microsoft Sam?
Mr. Warner: He's not here, you filth! I fired him!
Devil and She-Devil: Bring him back!
Mr. Warner: No one, not even Mr. and Mrs. Mephistopheles, tells me what to do! I fired Sam and he's never coming back! Never!
Devil and She-Devil: We want Sam! We want Sam! We want Sam! We want Sam! We want Sam!
Sam: Aha! Mr. Warner you had no reason to fire me and throw me out!
Mr. Warner: Microsoft Sam! I thought I fired you! Now get out before I call the police!
Devil: You'll do nothing of the kind, Mr. Warner!
She-Devil: Either we take Sam or there'll be major consequences!
Sam: And what are you infernal imps doing here? Get out before I throw you out!
Devil: I've waited a long time for this, Sam! You are mine!
Sam: You let go of me, Prince of Darkness!
She-Devil: Dave, you and I still have unfinished business to attend to.
Dave: I've said it before and I'll say it again: you're still too dangerous for me, She-Devil!
Angel: What's going on here?
God: You infernal imps leave Sam and Dave alone! I forbid you from tormenting anybody without showing conclusive proof of guilt first!
Devil: That's bullshit!
She-Devil: Either we take Sam and Dave with us or we'll shit all over their friends!
Angel: Disgusting and unacceptable!
God: Soil even one of them and you'll both feel My Wrath... ...again!
Devil: That's scandalous, it always was scandalous, and it always will be scandalous! Let's get them, She-Devil!
She-Devil: Bombs away!
(CENSORED)
[PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP]
Sam: Hah! You missed again!
Dave: They tried to poop all over us, but it boomeranged and got them instead!
Devil: Gugh! You tricked us again! Eeeewww! Eeeewww!
[Devil barfing]
She-Devil: We're not supposed to shit all over each other! Eeeewww! Eeeeeewwww!
[She-Devil barfing]
Sam: Hahahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! Look at them! They got a taste of their own medicine again!
Angel: It serves those infernal imps right!
God: Now to send them back where they belong!
[God releases power to the Devil and She-Devil]
*GIGANTIC EXPLOSION!!*
[The Devil and She-Devil falling back through the LT rings]
*LOUD CRASH!!*
Devil: Curses! Foiled again! Why can't we ever win?
She-Devil: Oh Dave, we could have made a great team! And I think all my bones are broken! OW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!!
(WB)
(Winning Basket Pictures Inc.)
Harvey Zilth: Uh-oh! Methinks we goofed again!
Jimmy: Youthinks right, Harvey.
Hank: We get rid of those infernal beings, and we're back to the same old bloopers.
Sidney: Somehow, we can't shake the idea that we're only human.
Mr. Warner: I'll have to admit to being human. I'm sorry for firing you, Sam. You're re-hired.
Sam: Thanks, Mr. Warner.
Scotty: Shall we try the intro again?
Dave: Uh, not now, Scotty. It's almost closing time. Besides, I promised the gang we'd all go out to dinner.
Anna: Good thinkin', Dave!
Abby: So where are we going?
Dave: Where else?
Dave reading: CHEZ MONYOU!!
Sam: Oh gastritis!
Sam: Ready, Dave?
Dave: Ready, Sam!
Sam: Places everyone!
Dave: Roll camera!
Sam: Cue the shield!
(The Warner Bros. Shield with the captions "Warner Bros. Pictures Inc." is tilting like a pinball machine!)
Sam: Uh, Scotty?
Scotty: Yeah, Sam?
Sam: Did you tilt the picture?
Scotty: Do I tilt at windmills like Don Quixote?
Jimmy: Don Quixote?
Hank: He's the man who tilted at windmills.
Sidney: He made windmills tilt.
(The WB Shield with the captions "Windmill Bros. Pictures Inc." is tilting like a windmill!)
Mike: Look at me! I'm tilted!
Mary: So am I.
Anna: I think the whole room is tilted.
Beulah: I'd better grab something before I topple over.
Abby: Catch me, Dave!
Dave: As soon as we get un-tilted.
(The TB Shield with the captions "Tilt Bros. Pictures Inc." is tilting like a pinball machine!)
LH Michael: I can't stay tilted like this.
LH Michelle: Neither can I. All the blood rushes to one side of my brain.
Harvey Zilth: My ears are popping.
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!
Sam: Get this picture straightened up, or else!
Scotty: Tscha! I can't stand being "or elsed!"
(The WB Shield zooms in, but this time, in a normal picture, the letters read "SU" with the captions "Straighten Up! Pictures Inc." instead of "WB" with "Warner Bros. Pictures Inc.")
Sam: Take it easy, Sam. You know it's only a gag. Remain calm. Uh-oh! Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP! IF I EVER CATCH YOU FUCKING UP THE INTRO AGAIN I WILL TAKE NO PRISONERS YOU ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES!!
SFX: BOOM!!
Anna: Sam? Are you all right?
Sam: I guess so, Anna. I just get pissed off at these bloopers.
Mr. Warner: Don't get so hyper, Sam. I love these bloopers.
Anna: See, Sam? Mr. Warner loves them. You'll just need some time for relaxation.
Sam: I believe you're right, Anna.
RoboSoft 3 reads on-screen: "Anna and Sam spent a week together in a secluded spot. After they returned, the bloopers continued."
(The WB Shield zooms in again with the captions saying "Warner Bros. Pictures Inc." and "Presents," but the Looney Tunes caption is tilting like a windmill!)
Beulah: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Did you see that, Abby?
Abby: The caption tilted! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
(The NF Shield with the captions "That's Not Funny!" is tilting like a windmill!)
Sam: Just what we need: a shield with a sense of humor.
(The WB Shield zooms in again with the letters reading "BO" instead of "WB" with the captions "Body Odor Pictures Inc." instead of "Warner Bros. Pictures Inc.")
Mike: Body odor?
Mary: Somebody forgot the soap.
Dave: At least it wasn't Lifebuoy.
(The FU Shield zooms in instead of the WB Shield!)
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: You bellowed again, Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam?
Sam: YOOOOOOOOOOOU'RE FIIIIIIIIIIIIRED!!
Scotty: Fired? Fired!? NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT! THAT'S NOT FAIR, MICROSOFT SAM! IF YOU DON'T RE-HIRE ME I'LL KILL MYSELF AND YOU'LL BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR IT YOU SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH!!
SFX: BOOM!!
Dave: Enough of this! Scotty, you're re-hired.
Scotty: Thanks, Dave.
Sam: davemadson, I accuse you of mutiny!
Dave: No jury in the world would convict me, Sam.
Harvey Zilth: He's right, Sam. You should learn never to be a control freak.
Mr. Warner: And Sam, if you don't drop the mutiny charges against Dave right this minute, you're fired!
Sam: Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!
RoboSoft 3 reads on-screen: "Later, after Dave and Mr. Warner washed Sam's mouth out with soap..."
Sam: Bleh! Gugh! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww! [Sam barfing]
Dave: That'll teach Sam not to rebel against us.
Mr. Warner: Well said, Dave. And the mutiny charges are dropped. Do you hear me, Sam?
Sam: Yessir. Mutinous poisoners!
SFX: CROTCH KICK!
Sam: SOI!!
(The CB Shield zooms in with the captions reading "Captain Bligh Pictures Inc. Presents... Mutiny in the Studio Starring Microsoft Sam!")
Sam: That does it, Scotty! I've had it with you!
Scotty: Put me down, Sam!
Sam: I said you were fired, Scotty, and I mean it! Out you go! Out, out, out, out, out!
SFX: [ZOOM!] [CRASH!]
Mr. Warner: I warned you, Sam!
Sam: Mr. Warner, I demand you put me down at once!
Mr. Warner: Microsoft Sam, you're fired! Out you go!
SFX: [ZOOM!] [CRASH!]
(The WB Shield with the captions "Warner Bros. Pictures Inc." and "Presents" are about to explode in too many pieces!)
SFX: BOOM!!
(The captions now read "W n B s P t r s I c P s ts.")
Jimmy: Holy Schneikees!
Hank: We're being bombed!
Sidney: Bombed?
Harvey Zilth: The shield blew up again. I'd call that a bombing wouldn't you?
Mr. Warner: What in blazes is going on here?
Dave: I dunno, Mr. Warner, but someone means us no good.
Anna: After the shield exploded, this note floated into the studio.
Dave: What's it say, Anna?
Anna: It says: "Attention davemadson productions staff: I planted that bomb in the shield as advance notice that if you re-hire Radar Overseer Scotty, I'll charge you all with mutiny and don't think for one minute you won't be found guilty! Signed, Microsoft Sam."
Beulah: There he goes again with his control-freak tendencies.
Abby: Haven't you calmed him down enough, Anna?
Anna: I've tried, Abby, but my psychiatric license is under review.
Dave: We'll have to find Scotty and stop Sam from trying to have us hanged.
Anna: Sam's threatened to send phony letters to Beulah, telling her that Scotty's cheating on her.
Beulah: If I find out Sam's sending such letters, he's cruisin' for a bruisin'.
Abby: We'll have to move quickly.
Dave: For all we know, Sam may be in contact with some shyster right now.
Robosoft 3 reads on-screen: "Will Dave and his friends re-hire Scotty and stop Sam from filing mutiny charges and breaking up Scotty and Beulah's marriage? Or will Sam succeed in getting Dave and his friends convicted and executed for mutiny? Stay tuned to this channel for more Looney Tunes Intro Bloopers!"
Prologue (Looney Tunes Intro Bloopers 78: TILT!)
Robosoft 3 Reading: "In our last episode of Looney Tunes Intro Bloopers…"
Robosoft 3 Narrating: "Fed up with the bloopers, Microsoft Sam fired Radar Overseer Scotty and threw him out. Immediately afterward, Mr. Warner fired Sam and threw him out. And then, Microsoft Anna read a note from Sam threatening to charge everyone at the studio with mutiny if Scotty returned. Determined not to lose the fight, Dave decided to handle the task of directing."
Dave: Any news of Sam or Scotty yet?
Anna: I've tried to get a hold of Sam, but he keeps refusing to answer until he's carried out his mission.
Beulah: I hope Scotty returns soon. I love him too much to even think of losing him.
Dave: Well, let's get on with the picture anyway. Roll camera! Cue the shield!
(WB)
(Werner Bros. Pictures Inc.)
Dave: Werner Brothers?
Jimmy: Who are the Werner Brothers?
Hank: Maybe they're related to rocket scientist Dr. Werner von Braun.
Sidney: What goes up, must go down.
(WB)
(Wiener Bros. Pictures Inc.)
Harvey Zilth: You're making us hungry.
Mike: Wiener Brothers?
Mary: Hot dog!
Abby: I wish it was summer so we can hit the surf.
(WB)
(Wanna Bet? Pictures Inc.)
LH Michael: Are we getting a casino, Dave?
Dave: We're too worried about Sam right now to even think of running a casino.
LH Michelle: Bummer! I could easily have won more money that the biggest Powerball jackpot ever awarded.
(PB)
(Power Ball Pictures Inc.)
Scotty: When's the next Powerball drawing?
Beulah: Scotty! You're back!
[Beulah and Scotty kissing]
Beulah: I missed you, Scotty.
Scotty: I missed you too, Beulah.
Dave: Scotty's back? I thought re-hiring him would trigger a charge of mutiny.
Mr. Warner: That's what Sam would have you believe. He still thinks he owns the studio.
Officer Flanigan: I've come from BFF City Courthouse to deliver an important message.
Dave: What's the 411, Officer Flanigan?
Officer Flanigan: There will be no charge of mutiny against you.
Mr. Warner: I re-hired Scotty without letting Sam know about it, because Sam's suffering from a delusion that he owns the studio.
Officer Flanigan: But we had a terrible time restraining Sam because he threw an incredibly violent tantrum.
Anna: Sam threw a tantrum over the issue of ownership of the studio?
Officer Flanigan: That's right, Anna. Much of what he screamed we could not make out, but some of it was: "It's not fair, it's not right, it's my studio and everyone in it must be hanged, the traitors, traitors, traitors, traitors!"
(WB)
(Wacko Bros. Pictures Inc.)
Officer Flanigan: And they're running tests to see if Sam's state of mental health requires confinement.
Anna: Calm down, Anna.
You know Sam has these delusions every once in a while.
Stay
cool.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum
is
coming
on!
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!
THEY CAN'T TAKE SAM AWAY FROM ME!
THEY KNOW I LOVE HIM THE BASTARDS BASTARDS BASTARDS BASTARDS BASTARDS BASTARDS BASTARDS BASTARDS!!
*B-B-B-BOOM!!*
Beulah: Holy Schneikees!
Abby: Are you all right, Anna?
Anna: I'm all right. I just had a gut reaction because I care about Sam.
Dave: We all know how vital is here. Let's hope and pray he'll recover from whatever he has... ...and I hope it's not contagious.
(BB)
(Berserk Bros. Pictures Inc. Presents - Microsoft Sam in the Psycho Ward)
Mike: Sam's in the psycho ward?
Mary: I knew it would happen one of these days.
Harvey Zilth: It could have been me, but I know better than to have tantrums over the issue of who owns the studio.
Dave: He still doesn't understand that I own the rights to the studio and production of these videos.
(Devil and She-Devil)
[ViD Theme]
Beulah: Oh noes! Not the Devil and She-Devil again!
Abby: Save us, Jesus!
Devil: Why do you always mention that name in front of us?
She-Devil: You know it always makes our tails grow limp!
Dave: So what if your tails do grow limp? And what do you infernal imps want with us this time?
Devil: We only have one question.
Devil and She-Devil: Where is Microsoft Sam?
Anna: Sam's not here.
She-Devil: We know that, you harlot!
Dave: Anna's not a harlot!
Devil: Shut up, you asswipe!
She-Devil: Tell us where Microsoft Sam is or we'll shit all over you!
Mike: If you must know, he's in the psycho ward at BFF City Hospital.
Mary: He's suffering chronic delusions of ownership of our studio and they may confine him to an institution until he gets over them.
Devil: Sam's been declared insane?
She-Devil: That's one less person to worry about.
Dave: I lift my call to God Almighty.
God: I hear your call, Dave.
Angel: Are these infernal imps bothering you again?
Devil: Cease and desist this scandalous interference!
She-Devil: Go away or we shit all over Dave and his friends!
Angel: You'll never get away with this disgusting act!
God: If you soil them, you will feel My Wrath!
Devil: Scandalous, double scandalous and triple scandalous, and I curse all who deny this fact! Let's get them, She-Devil!
She-Devil:
(CENSORED!!)
[PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP]
Devil: "Censored!?" What do you mean "censored?"
She-Devil: Show us shitting all over davemadson and his friends or be cursed forever!
Mike: Gugh! You filth! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww!
[Mike barfing]
Mary: We are not commodes! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww!
[Mary barfing]
Anna: You're the dirtiest beings ever created! Eeeewww! Eeeewww!
[Anna barfing]
Dave: You'll get yours for this! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww!
[Dave barfing]
Angel: Disgusting, depraved, uncalled for and unjustified!
God: How dare you soil yourselves all over davemadson and his friends in My Presence! Take that!
[God releases power to the Devil and She-Devil]
*GIGANTIC EXPLOSION!!*
[The Devil and She-Devil falls back through the LT rings]
*LOUD CRASH!!*
Devil: Curses! Foiled again! And yet another hard landing! Ouch!
She-Devil: I hope Roflica declares war on LOL-LOL Land for this! Oh, my aching sphincter! OW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-!!
Angel: Mike, Mary, Anna and Dave are all cleaned up now. You may resume your video.
Dave: Thank God!
God: You're welcome.
Devil: Oh sphincter!
(WB)
(Warner Beavers Pictures Inc.)
Mike: Warner Beavers?
Dave: They make one dam good picture! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
Harvey Zilth: They should also mention Mary's beaver! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Mary: Stay calm, Mary.
He's only teasing you.
Keep
your
cool.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum
coming
on!
EEE-YOW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!!
HARVEY ZILTH, DON'T YOU DARE MAKE SEXIST JOKES ABOUT ME
YOU LETCH LETCH LETCH LETCH LETCH LETCH LETCH LETCH LETCH LETCH LETCH LETCH!!
*BOOM!!*
Harvey Zilth: I'm sorry, Mary. I think Sam's mental illness may be contagious.
Mary: Don't blame yourself, Harvey. It's just that sexist jokes piss me off.
(WB)
(Warner Brooders Pictures Inc.)
Jimmy: Warner Brooders?
Hank: Incubation Central.
Sidney: Nobody here but us chickens! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
(The WB Shield goes to the upper-left)
Beulah: Here we go again!
Abby: Runaway shield!
(The WB Shield goes to the upper-right)
Dave: The shield is supposed to stop, not fly away.
Scotty: Sorry.
(The WB Shield goes to the lower-left)
LH Michael: Tonight on A&E:
LH Michelle: The Further Adventures of the Runaway Shield.
(The WB Shield goes to the lower-right)
*CRASH!!*
Scotty: EEE-YOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!!
Beulah: Hurt again, Scotty?
Scotty: Yes, Beulah! That goddamned WB Shield landed on my foot yet again! EEE-YOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!!
Dave: All right, who hit Scotty in the foot with the shield?
Jimmy: Not me.
Hank: Not me.
Sidney: Not me.
Harvey Zilth: Not me.
Dave: Somebody's lying.
Jimmy: Not me.
Hank: Not me.
Sidney: Not me.
Harvey Zilth: Not me.
Dave: One of you is lying. Who did it?
Mr. Warner: None of them did it, Dave. Sometimes the shield has a mind of its own.
(The WB Shield stopped)
(W drop) 
(B drop) 
(Shield drop) 
(Set drop) 
Mr. Warner: Now what?
Anna: The whole picture fell apart again.
Abby: I think it's all Sam's doing.
Dave: He must have the thing geared up so it would eventually fall apart.
Scotty: Oh, my foot! It's all busted! EEE-YOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!!
Beulah: Poor Scotty. His foot may be broken.
Dave: We'll have to get him to the hospital.
RoboSoft 3 reading: "Scotty was rushed to BFF City Hospital, where doctors performed surgery to repair his broken foot. As for Sam, his brain condition required more extensive therapy, meaning he'll have to remain in the Psycho Ward until he is deemed mentally fit to return to the studio. Stay tuned to this channel for more Looney Tunes Intro Bloopers!"
RoboSoft 3 reads on-screen: "Microsoft Sam is still in the Psycho Ward at BFF City Hospital. Doctors say he is making progress and he may be released sooner than expected. Dave is still handling the task of directing while Sam is in recovery mode."
Dave: Places everyone! Roll camera! Cue shield!
(Q)
(Q Shield Pictures Inc.)
Dave: [Yaaaaaaaawn!]
Scotty: What's the matter, Dave?
Jimmy: Are we keeping you up?
Dave: That joke has become lame.
RoboSoft 3: That joke is NOT lame!
Dave: Is too!
RoboSoft 3: IS NOT!
Dave: Is too, and anyone who denies it is a liar!
RoboSoft 3: All right, Dave, you asked for it!
(The WB letters fly off of that shield!)
*CRASH!!*
Dave: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE!!
Hank: Holy Schneikees! The letters got Dave!
Sidney: He should know better than to be in the way.
Harvey Zilth: Look out! Runaway letters!
Dave: Somebody get these letters off of me!
Beulah: Stay frosty, Dave.
Abby: We'll get the letters off of you in a jiffy.
(AB)
(Asswipe Bros. Pictures Inc.)
Mike: Asswipe Brothers?
Mary: I'd say Sam did that if he were here.
Anna: I hope he gets better soon. I miss him so terribly, I'm having nightmares about him.
Dave: Relax, Anna. Sam will get better... ...I hope.
(WW)
(Wishing Well Pictures Inc.)
LH Michael: Wishing Well, huh?
LH Michelle: We wish Sam were well enough to return here.
(HF)
(Horse Feathers Pictures Inc.)
Dave: Wait a minute! Horses don't have feathers!
Scotty: That's just an expression, Dave.
Dave: Now listen, you guys! The shield is supposed to display "WB" and only "WB," you dig?
(WB)
(WB and ONLY WB You Dig?)
Dave: Take it easy, Dave.
They're just funning you.
Stay
cool.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum
is
coming
on!
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!
MICROSOFT SAM, HURRY UP AND GET WELL!
I'M GOING CRAZY MYSELF WITH THESE ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES!!
*BOOM!!*
Abby: Are you all right, Dave?
Dave: I guess so, Abby. It just isn't the same around here without Sam.
Anna: We all miss him, Dave.
(FU)
Dave: All right, who put "FU" on the shield?
Jimmy: Not me.
Hank: Not me.
Sidney: Not me.
Harvey Zilth: Not me.
Dave: Somebody's lying.
Jimmy: Not me.
Hank: Not me.
Sidney: Not me.
Harvey Zilth: Not me.
Dave: I know for a fact somebody's lying. Who put "FU" on the shield?
(Devil and She-Devil)
[ViD Theme]
Dave: Who let the Devil and She-Devil in?
Jimmy: Not me.
Hank: Not me.
Sidney: Not me.
Harvey Zilth: Not me.
Devil: Enough with the "Not Me" routine!
She-Devil: You know who we've come for.
Scotty: If you're looking for Sam, you are SOL>
Mike: Sam's still in the Psycho Ward at BFF City Hospital.
Mary: But the doctors say he's making progress and he'll be released soon.
Dave: Just like Scotty said, you infernal imps are SOL.
Devil: We know what SOL means --- "Shit Outta Luck."
She-Devil: And if you don't turn Microsoft Sam over to us, we will SAOY --- shit all over you.
Dave: I lift my call to God Almighty.
God: I hear your call, Dave.
Angel: Are these infernal imps bothering you again?
Devil: How many times must we tell you not to interfere with our business?
She-Devil: You know it's scandalous and nothing else but scandalous!
God: It's not scandalous, it never has been scandalous and it never will be scandalous, you imps!
Angel: You heard Him! No one, but no one, overrides the Authority of the Almighty!
Devil: We've stood enough! Now you're all gonna get it!
She-Devil: Prepare to be shit on!
*THUNDER!*
God: You are forbidden to relieve yourselves all over davemadson and his friends without conclusive proof of guilt! Begone!
Devil: Get a hold of yourself, Lucifer.
You know the limits of your authority.
Relax.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum
is
coming
on
now!
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAPPITY CRAPPITY CRAPPITY CRAP!
I'M SICK AND FUCKING TIRED OF THE ALMIGHTY THWARTING ME!
I STILL SAY MICROSOFT SAM BELONGS TO ME AND TO WITHHOLD HIM FROM ME IS SCANDALOUS, YOU HEAR ME?
SCANDALOUS SCANDALOUS SCANDALOUS SCANDALOUS SCANDALOUS SCANDALOUS SCANDALOUS SCANDALOUS!!
*BOOM!!*
She-Devil: I hope that you are satisfied! You made the Devil throw a tantrum!
God: Like I told you, no one is guilty without conclusive proof!
LH Michael: That's telling them, God!
LH Michelle: We knew all along that evil always fails.
Devil: Calling us failures is scandalous! Let's get them, She-Devil!
She-Devil: You said it! Bombs away!
*CENSORED!!*
[PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP]
LH Michael: Ha! You missed again!
LH Michelle: You know you can never win.
God: That's right, Lernout & Hauspie Michelle. Those dirty little imps wound up soiling each other.
Devil: Gugh! You tricked us again! Eeeewww! Eeeewww!
[Devil barfing]
She-Devil: Why must you do this to us? Eeeewww! Eeeewww!
[She-Devil barfing]
Sam: Hahahahahahahahahahah! Look at them! They got a taste of their own medicine again!
Dave: Sam! You're back!
Anna: We missed you, Sam. How do you feel?
Sam: Much better, Anna. The doctors gave me the best treatment possible, and I now realize that this is Dave's studio and we're just living and working in it.
Dave: Nice to hear it from you, Sam, but promise me you'll never again attempt a power grab.
Sam: I promise, Dave.
Devil: We forgot to make Sam's condition incurable.
She-Devil: We can hardly move. We're too weak.
Angel: It serves those infernal imps right.
God: Now to dispose of them!
[God releases power to the Devil and She-Devil]
*GIGANTIC EXPLOSION!!*
[The Devils fall back through the LT rings]
*LOUD CRASH!!*
Devil: Curses! Foiled again! And another hard landing! Ouch!
She-Devil: One day we will overpower the Almighty and Dave and his friends will be ours for real! Oh, my aching sphincter! OW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!!
God: Sore losers, yes. Prophets, no!
Devil: Oh pleurisy!
(The WB Shield is acting like a yo-yo!)
Sam: Uh, Scotty?
Scotty: Yeah, Sam?
Sam: Are you futzing around with the WB Shield again?
Scotty: Sam, you know I never futz around with the WB Shield.
Sam: Liar! You did too futz around with it!
Scotty: I did not!
Sam: You did too!
Scotty: Did not!
Sam: Did too!
Scotty: Did not!!
Sam: Did too!!
Scotty: Did not!!!
Sam: Did too!!!
Dave: Gentlemen, gentlemen...
Scotty: Did not!!
Sam: Did too!!
Scotty: Did not!!!
Sam: Did too!!!
Dave: Gentlemen, gentlemen!
Scotty: Did not!!
Sam: Did too!!
Scotty: Did not!!!
Sam: Did too!!!
Dave: CHILDREN, CHILDREN!!
Sam: Well, Scotty started it!
Scotty: You asswipe, Sam!
Sam: I'm not an asswipe, Scotty! Mike's the asswipe!
Mike: I'm not an asswipe, you sonofabitch!
Dave: Well, it seems like old times again.
Beulah: Looks like Sam's back to his old self again.
Abby: Just as long as he doesn't lapse back into control-freak tendencies again.
Sam: Fat chance, Abby. The doctors found a storm system in my brain and got it cleared up.
(The WB Shield without the letters a.k.a Blank Shield)
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!
Sam: Where are the letters?
Scotty: In the mailbox! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! *CROTCH KICK!* Ouch! My crotch! Owww!
Dave: Sam, Sam, Sam.
Sam: Dave, Dave, Dave.
Dave: If you don't want to get committed again, stop kicing people in the crotch!
(The WB letters without a shield)
Sam: Take it easy, Sam.
You just got out of the hospital.
Remain
calm.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAPPITY CRAPPITY CRAPPITY CRAP!
THE LETTERS GO ON THE SHIELD, YOU HEAR ME?
YOU ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES!!
*BOOM!!*
Anna: Sam? Are you all right?
Sam: I'm all right, Anna. Gee, that tantrum felt great!
Dave: Well, now that everything's back to normal around here, let's go out to eat.
Anna: Good thinkin', Dave!
Scotty: So where are we eating, Dave?
Dave: Where else?
Dave reading: CHEZ MONYOU!!
Scotty: Oh anorexia!
Sam: Places everyone!
Dave: Roll camera!
Sam: Cure the shield!
(CS)
(Cure the Shield Pictures Inc.)
Dave: Did you just say "cure the shield," Sam?
Sam: Sorry, Dave. That was just a slip of the tongue.
(ST)
(Slip of the Tongue Pictures Inc.)
Scotty: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Jimmy: What's so funny, Scotty?
Scotty: The shield's taking Sam literally again!
Hank: Shields have ears?
Harvey Zilth: They're like justice---they hear but cannot see.
Sidney: Blind shields?
(BS)
(Blind Shield Pictures Inc.)
Mike: Shields are blind?
Mary: That sounds silly! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Anna: If the shield was blind, it could bump into the rings.
RoboSoft 3: Don't give the shield any ideas, Anna!
Anna: Sorry.
LH Michael: I didn't know shields had any ideas.
LH Michelle: They're smarter than you think.
(YB)
(You Bet! Pictures Inc.)
Sam: Uh, Scotty?
Scotty: Yeah, Sam?
Sam: The shield should display "WB," not "YB."
Scotty: Tscha! Details, details!
(DD)
(Details, Details! Pictures Inc.)
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!
Dave: WHAT ARE YOU GUYS YELLING ABOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT?
Mr. Warner: Could you please keep it quiet? Our next door neighbors are complaining.
Mike: I didn't know BFF City had a noise suppression law.
Mary: I thought LOL-LOL Land was a democracy.
Anna: If we didn't know better, we could have sworn some insurgents from another land were trying to seize power here.
Mr. Warner: Insurgents from Roflica?
Dave: Probably orchestrated by YouTube user "Nite Took." He'll do anything to turn LOL-LOL Land into a nation of repressive laws.
RoboSoft 3: You can say THAT again!
Sam: Now you got that straight, Scotty? The shield should say "WB." Not "CS," "ST," "BS," "YB" or "DD," but "WB." Capeesh?
Scotty: Sheesh!
Sam: Shush the sheesh!
Dave: You shush the sheesh!
(The WB Shield with the NBC Peacock breakdown music)
Sam: Now what?
Scotty: Tscha! You wanted the WB Shield, you got the WB Shield!
Sam: Yeah, but what's with the music?
Beulah: I never heard the NBC Peacock music break down before.
Abby: Maybe Scotty just gave you the bird, Sam! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Sam: If Scotty keeps fucking up the music, I'll give him the bird all right!
(The WB Shield with the Classic CBS Radio News sounder)
Harvey Zilth: Uh-oh! I'd better get to the news studio to deliver an urgent bulletin.
Jimmy: It's not a news flash, Harvey.
Hank: It's another glitch in the music.
Sam: You got that right, Hank.
Sidney: Someone must have sent us the wrong music cues.
(The WB Shield with the Paramount "Closet Killer" music)
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: Quit yelling at me, Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam!
Sam: Get the music right, or else!
Scotty: Tscha! I can't stand being "or elsed!"
(The WB Shield with The Price is Right Losing Horns losing it)
Beulah: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Did you hear that, Abby?
Abby: The music's laughing! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Sam: That's not funny! And Scotty, do you know what this means?
Scotty: Don't tell me I have to work weekends again!
Sam: RADAR OVERSEER SCOTTY, YOOOOOOOOOOOOOU'RE FIRED!!
Scotty: Fired? Fired!?
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!
MICROSOFT SAM, GIMME A BREAK I'M ONLY HUMAN, YOU KNOW!
IF YOU DON'T RE-HIRE ME I'LL KILL MYSELF AND IF YOU DENY RESPONSIBILITY YOU'D BE LYING
YOU ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE!!
*BOOM!!*
Mr. Warner: Microsoft Sam, are you out of your mind? You re-hire Scotty right now or you're fired!
Sam: Take it easy, Sam.
You know Mr. Warner's right.
Remain
calm.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAPPITY CRAPPITY CRAPPITY CRAP!
MR. WARNER, CAN'T I JUST HAVE A CERTAIN RIGHT TO PERSONNEL MOVES AROUND HERE?
I CAN'T AFFORD TO KEEP SCOTTY ON STAFF IF HE KEEPS FUCKING UP THE INTRO!
HE'S A DIME-A-DOZEN BUM, YOU HEAR ME?
HE'S A BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM!!
*BOOM!!*
Mr. Warner: Take it easy, Mr. Warner.
Stay
cool.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum
is
coming
on!
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!
SAM, YOU KNOW DAVE BROUGHT ME IN TO KEEP YOU IN LINE!
NOW YOU RE-HIRE SCOTTY RIGHT THIS MINUTE
YOU SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH!!
*BOOM!!*
Dave: Take it easy, Dave.
You know they're all upset.
Stay
cool.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum
is
coming
on!
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!
SCOTTY, SAM AND MR. WARNER, QUIT WASTING TIME THROWING TANTRUMS!
I'VE GOT THIS LOONEY TUNES INTRO BLOOPERS VIDEO TO DO
YOU BASTARDS BASTARDS BASTARDS BASTARDS BASTARDS BASTARDS BASTARDS BASTARDS!!
*BOOM!!*
Mr. Warner: Sorry about our tantrums, Dave, but you know I get pissed off when Sam fires Scotty without my approval.
Sam: I'm sorry too, Dave. And I'm equally sorry for firing you, Scotty. You're re-hired.
Scotty: Thanks, Sam. And I'm sorry too, Dave, for the way I acted.
Dave: There's no need to apologize, guys. We're all entitled to go berserk.
Sam: Can we get on with the Looney Tunes intro?
Dave: Go to it!
(The WB Shield with the Screen Gems "S from Hell" breakdown music)
LH Michael: Screen Gems music in Looney Tunes?
LH Michelle: Bugs Bunny meets Batfink! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
(The WB Shield with the KAOS Radio Bumper music)
Sam: Things will really be in total chaos around here if you don't play the proper music.
Mr. Warner: Steady, Sam. I wouldn't want you to go insane again.
Sam: Why is that, Mr. Warner?
Mr. Warner: Because I might go insane myself.
(The WB Shield with the WD-40 jingle played backwards)
Harvey Zilth: "Whoa geezergut geezergut geezergut geezergut?" What's that mean?
Sidney: That's what I thought they were chanting.
Jimmy: Maybe it's "Bo, he's a good, he's a good, he's a good."
Hank: Or even "Go Pizza Hut, Pizza Hut, Pizza Hut."
Dave: It's actually the old WD-40 jingle played backwards.
Sam: Can we at least get the music right?
Scotty: Roger-dodger!
(The WB Shield with the voices saying "Access denied")
Sam: What? "Access denied?"
Dave: Who'd do such a crazy thing as denying us access to the proper music for the Looney Tunes intro?
(Devil and She-Devil)
[ViD Theme]
Devil: Surprise, davemadson and friends!
She-Devil: We're back, and we haven't come back to play Monopoly!
Dave: Speaking of Monopoly, I played it last New Year's Eve and won with hotels on Boardwalk and Park Place.
Devil: We said we're not here to play Monopoly!
She-Devil: That's not the reason why we came here.
Dave: So what brings you infernal imps back here again... ...against my wishes?
Devil: Flattery, flattery, flattery!
She-Devil: Oh Dave, I love it when you flatter us! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Dave: Flattery, schmattery! What brings you back here again, presumably to stir up trouble for us?
Devil: YouTube user "PlaystationCentral82" is pissed off at you.
She-Devil: He's pissed because the Almighty and his Angel keep stopping us from defeating them.
Angel: That's because everything would be ruined if you evil beings defeat us even once, and that is forbidden from ever happening.
God: And if "PlaystationCentral82" doesn't renounce his allegiance to you, he'll never know paradise!
Devil: Too late! I plan to use "PlaystationCentral82" to lead my armies into battle against you!
She-Devil: And I claim Dave for myself. We have unfinished business to attend to.
Dave: You're still too dangerous for me, She-Devil!
Abby: He's right, you infernal man-stealer! Let go of him! He doesn't belong to you!
She-Devil: And who's gonna make me?
Angel: We're gonna make you!
God: Because the power of the infernal cannot match the power of the supernal!
Devil and She-Devil: Scandalous!
God: Not scandalous!
Devil and She-Devil: Scandalous!
God: Not scandalous!
Devil and She-Devil: Scandalous!
God: Not scandalous! You are forbidden to torment anyone without showing conclusive proof of guilt first, and that's final!
She-Devil: Control yourself, She-Devil.
Keep
your
cool.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum
is
coming
on
now!
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!
EVERY TIME I TRY TO TAKE DAVE FOR MYSELF THE ALMIGHTY STOPS ME!
IT'S SCANDALOUS, YOU HEAR ME?
SCANDALOUS SCANDALOUS SCANDALOUS SCANDALOUS SCANDALOUS SCANDALOUS SCANDALOUS SCANDALOUS!!
*B-B-B-BOOM!!*
Devil: Now look what you did! You made the She-Devil throw a tantrum!
Sam: And for no good reason, as usual.
Dave: Since the Devil already threw a tantrum, it was the She-Devil's turn this time.
Angel: Correct, Dave.
God: These maleficent malefactors can rant and rave all they want, but contrary to what "PlaystationCentral 82" thinks, these evildoers can never defeat Me! Never!
Devil: That did it! The crowning insult! Let's get them, She-Devil!
She-Devil: Bombs away!
*CENSORED!!*
[PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP]
Sam: Gugh! They shat on me again! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww!
[Sam barfing]
Dave: You'll get yours for this, Devil and She-Devil! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww!
[Dave barfing]
Angel: Dave's right. There is no justification for this vile and grossly disgusting act!
God: How dare you soil yourselves all over Sam and Dave in My Presence! Take that!
[God releases strong powers to the Devil and She-Devil]
*GIGANTIC EXPLOSION!!*
(The Devils fall back through the LT rings)
*LOUD CRASH!!*
Devil: Curses! Foiled again! These hard landings hurt! Ouch!
She-Devil: I hope "PlaystationCentral82" gets davemadson banned from YouTube for this! Oh, my aching sphincter! OW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!!
God: Sore losers, yes. Prophets, no.
Angel: Sam and Dave are all cleaned up now. You may resume your video.
Dave: Thank God!
God: You're welcome.
Devil: Oh sphincter!
(W without the B)
Sam: Where's the B?
Scotty: Back in the hive! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! *CROTCH KICK!* Ouch! My crotch! Owww!
Sam: *CROTCH KICK!* SOI!!
Beulah: Are you all right, Scotty?
Scotty: If Sam keeps kicking me in the crotch, we may never have children! Ouch!
Sam: Where's Officer Flanigan?
Officer Flanigan: Right here, Sam.
Sam: How come you didn't arrest Scotty for stealing my laugh line? I thought "Nite Took" had my law reinstated.
Officer Flanigan: He did, but Dave appealed the ruling and got the law thrown out again because, if LOL-LOL Land should be a democracy, you can't have a patent on a laugh line because that would violate free speech.
Dave: Touche, Sam!
Sam: Oh boogers!
(B without the W)
Mike: The B is back.
Mary: But where's the W?
Anna: We used it to retrieve the B! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Scotty: Methinks we goofed again.
Sam: Youthinks right, Scotty. We almost have it. Now put the W and B together, and with the right music, we'll have it right down Broadway.
Harvey Zilth: How about 5th Avenue?
(The WB Shield with the captions "Warner Bros. Pictures Inc." and "Presents" are going to explode in pieces!)
*BOOM!!*
(W B s P r I c P s s)
Jimmy: Jumpin' Jehosaphat!
Hank: The shield exploded again!
Sidney: Don't tell me the Devil and She-Devil did it!
Harvey Zilth: It wasn't the Devil and She-Devil this time. It was the work of "Nite Took."
Dave: Him again?
Harvey Zilth: That's right, Dave. He's incredibly pissed off at you for not letting Sam's laugh line restriction stand.
Mr. Warner: You should ban him from your YouTube channel if he keeps bugging you like this.
Dave: I might just do that.
Scotty: Should we try the intro again, Dave?
Dave: Uh, not now, Scotty. It's been a long day. Let's pick it up in the morning.
Sam: Places everyone!
Dave: Roll camera!
Sam: Cue the shield!
(The Shield)
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!
Mr. Warner: Microsoft Sam! Take it easy on Radar Overseer Scotty! You hear me?
Sam: Yessir. Asswipe! *CROTCH KICK!* SOI!!
Officer Flanigan: Mr. Warner, you're under arrest.
Mr. Warner: Oh douche bags!
RoboSoft 3 reads on-screen: "Later, after Mr. Warner paid a $500 fine for kicking Sam in the crotch..."
(Adidas)
Mike: Adidas?
Mary: Oh really? I wear Nikes myself.
Anna: With me, it's FILA.
Dave: I'm a New Balance guy myself.
(Four Star)
Jimmy: Four Star. Four star what?
Hank: General?
Harvey Zilth: Movie review?
Sidney: Maybe they're morning stars.
Sam: You'll all be seeing stars if you don't bring up the proper logo.
(PL)
(The Proper Logo)
Sam: Take it easy, Sam.
They're just funning you.
Remain
calm.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAPPITY CRAPPITY CRAPPITY CRAP!
THE SHIELD SHOULD DISPLAY "WB," YOU HEAR ME?
WB WB WB WB WB WB WB WB WB WB WB WB WB WB WB WB !!
*BOOM!!*
Anna: Sam? Are you all right?
Sam: I guess so, Anna. Why can't we ever get the Looney Tunes intro right?
Anna: We'll get there soon, Sam. Just be cool.
(General Foods)
Beulah: General Foods.
Abby: Serving the military all around the world.
Sam: Not "General Foods," the WB Shield.
(Kellogg's)
LH Michael: Kellogg's, the best to you each morning.
LH Michelle: K-E-double L-O-double good.
Sam: K-E-double L-O-double get it right!
Scotty: S-H-double E-S-H!
Sam: S-H-U-S-H the S-H-double E-S-H!
(Post)
Mike: Post.
Mary: Can't get enough of Super Sugar Crisp.
Anna: Where's Linus the Lionhearted when you need him?
Sam: Scotty, what did I tell you about commercial plugs in a Looney Tune?
Scotty: Which one? AC or DC? Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! *CROTCH KICK!* Ouch! Not in the crotch again, you shithead! OW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!!
Officer Flanigan: Microsoft Sam, you're under arrest.
Sam: Oh scabies!
RoboSoft 3 reads on-screen: "Later, after Sam paid a $500 fine for kicking Scotty in the crotch and Dave filed suit to get the anti-crotch-kick law overturned..."
(Kraft)
Sam: Scotty, come here.
Scotty: Jeez Louise, Sam! Don't tell me you're lecturing me again!
Sam: I'm lecturing you again because you never seem to know what logo belongs here.
Scotty: You never get the message that every time you lecture me, you make me feel like a second grade kid in school!
Sam: Now pay attention, Scotty. This is the logo that belongs here: the WB Shield.
Scotty: Judas Priest, Sam! I've got eyes! Stop making me feel like a total asswipe!
Sam: RADAR OVERSEER SCOTTY!! YOOOOOOOOOOOOU'RE FIRED!!
Scotty: Fired? Fired!?
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!
I'M SICK AND FUCKING TIRED OF SAM FIRING ME EVERY TIME I PISS HIM OFF!
THIS TIME I'M REALLY GONNA KILL MYSELF AND IF SAM DENIES RESPONSIBILITY HE'LL BE GUILTY OF PERJURY, YOU HEAR ME?
GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY!!
*BOOM!!*
Mr. Warner: Microsoft Sam! Re-hire Scotty right now or you're fired!
Sam: Fuck you, Mr. Warner!
Mr. Warner: Take it easy, Mr. Warner.
Sam's just being stubborn.
Stay
cool.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum
is
coming
on!
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!
MICROSOFT SAM, YOU KNOW YOU SHOULDN'T SAY "FUCK YOU" TO YOUR BOSS BECAUSE IT'S INSUBORDINATION!
THAT MEANS YOU ARE FIRED, YOU HEAR ME?
FIRED FIRED FIRED FIRED FIRED FIRED FIRED FIRED FIRED FIRED FIRED FIRED!!
*BOOM!!*
Dave: Mr. Warner! Are you all right?
Mr. Warner: Sorry I blew up, Dave, but Sam's insubordinate subbornness just pisses me off.
Dave: Let me handle Sam and Scotty, Mr. Warner.
Mr. Warner: Well, okay, Dave, since you're the owner of the studio. And tell Sam I'm sorry for firing him.
Dave: Will do, Mr. Warner. Sam, Mr. Warner says he's sorry for firing you. You're re-hired, and so is Scotty.
Sam: Thanks, Dave. Unfortunately, I don't think your message got to Scotty in time.
Dave: Why is that, Sam?
Sam: Look.
[Jarring chord]
Dave: SCOTTY!! NO!!
Abby: What's the matter, Dave?
Dave: Call 911! Scotty's tried to hang himself!
Beulah: Oh noes! Scotty, please don't die! I love you!
RoboSoft 3 reads on-screen: "Later, after Scotty was rushed to BFF City Hospital..."
(Red NYET)
Dave: Oh sludge! Not the Red NYET again!
Red NYET: Yes, the Red NYET again!
Sam: What do you want with us?
Red NYET: It's not what I want with you; it's what the Devil and She-Devil want with you.
Dave: Don't waste your energies, Red NYET. With the divine guidance of God and the Angel, we banned the Devil and She-Devil from here.
Sam: So there, infernal logo!
Red NYET: Rescind the ban or else I'll shit all over you!
Anna: Don't you dare get filthy with us! Take that!
{Anna releases powers to the Red NYET]
*B-B-B-BOOM!!*
Sam: Thanks, Anna.
Anna: My pleasure, Sam.
(Angry P-Head and Two-Headed P-Head)
Sam: Oh noes! Not the Angry P-Head and Two-Headed P-Head again!
Angry P-Head: Who did you expect? Bonnie and Clyde?
Two-Headed P-Head: We've come to take your souls to Satan's Kingdom.
Sam: What? To Satan's Kingdom? No no no no no no no no no no no no nooooooooooooooooo!!
Angry P-Head and Two-Headed P-Head: Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyes! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Mike: You infernal logo parodies must be out of your minds!
Mary: The Devil and She-Devil have been banned from here and God is enforcing the ban!
Abby: So you can't take us with you!
LH Michael: You know darn well that you have no proof against us!
LH Michelle: And evil always fails!
Dave: So get out of here or we'll sic God and the Angel on you!
Angry P-Head: Fools! You have no clue as to the power we can unleash!
P-Head: Surrender your souls, or else we'll shit all over you!
Anna: Don't you dare get filthy with us, you evil logo parodies!
Angry P-Head: The Devil and She-Devil have declared you all guilty, and their claim on you is valid!
Two-Headed P-Head: And you are forbidden to use your laser-eye powers on us, you harlot!
Anna: I am not a harlot!
Angry P-Head: You are too a harlot!
Two-Headed P-Head: Admit it, you harlot!
Anna: I said I am not a harlot!
Angry P-Head and Two-Headed P-Head: Harlot! Harlot! Harlot! Harlot! Harlot!
Anna: Calm down, Anna.
You know you're right and they're wrong.
Stay
cool.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum
is
coming
on!
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!
ANGRY P-HEAD AND TWO-HEADED P-HEAD, I TOLD YOU I'M NOT A HARLOT SO STOP CALLING ME A HARLOT
YOU BASTARDS BASTARDS BASTARDS BASTARDS BASTARDS BASTARDS BASTARDS BASTARDS!!
*BOOM!!*
Angry P-Head: Throwing a tantrum over what we say is fact is the last straw!
Two-Headed P-Head: Now you're all gonna get it! Bombs away!
*CENSORED!!*
[PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP]
Harvey Zilth: Gugh! Why'd you shit on me? Eeeewww! Eeeewww!
[Harvey Zilth barfing]
Sidney: Since when I was a bathroom? Eeeewww! Eeeewww!
[Sidney barfing]
LH Michael: Why dump us? Eeeww! Eeeww!
[LH Michael barfing]
LH Michelle: We're innocent! Eeeww! Eeeww!
[LH Michelle barfing]
Dave: You are the filthiest! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww!
[Dave barfing]
Guy the White: This display is unacceptable!
Angry P-Head: Go away, celestial interferer!
Two-Headed P-Head: Do as we say, or the Devil and She-Devil will be furious!
Sam: That celestial being looks strangely familiar.
Jimmy: I agree, Sam. He looks like Guy, but it can't be.
Hank: Guy got blown to smithereens in Looney Tunes Intro Bloopers 70: War of Logos.
Guy the White: Oh, you can still call me Guy if you want to. To be specific, I am now known as "Guy the White."
Abby: You've come back, Guy!
Mike: And just in time.
Mary: The Angry P-Head and Two-Headed P-Head are tormenting us.
Anna: They relieved themselves all over Dave, Harvey, Sidney, Lernout & Hauspie Michael and Lernout & Hauspie Michelle because we refused to surrender.
Guy the White: Infernal trolls! I'll deal with them for you.
Angry P-Head: Go away, celestial interferer!
Two-Headed P-Head: davemadson and his friends are ours and you can't take them from us!
Guy the White: No, they are not! God has declared them all innocent on the grounds that you have not shown conclusive proof against them!
Angry P-Head: The Devil and She-Devil say it's scandalous!
Two-Headed P-Head: And our act of shitting all over davemadson and his friends is justified!
Guy the White: Justified my foot! The laws of the infernal cannot supersede the laws of the supernal! Begone, agents of the netherworld!
[Guy the White releases powers to the Angry P-Head and the Two-Headed P-Head]
*GIGANTIC EXPLOSION!!*
Guy the White: There. Dave, Harvey, Sidney, LH Michael and LH Michelle are all cleaned up and I've sent the Angry P-Head and Two-Headed P-Head back where they belong.
Dave: Thanks, Guy.
Guy the White: You're welcome, Dave.
(Nyan Cat)
Abby: Oh noes! That Nyan Cat is back! Ah... Ahhh... Ah-CHOO!
*BOOM!*
Jimmy: Holy Schneikees!
Hank: Abby's nose is smoking again!
Dave: Gesundheit, Abby!
Abby: Thanks, Dave. That darn allergy must have come back.
Guy the White: Don't worry, Abby. I'll take care of it.
RoboSoft 3 reads on-screen: "Later, after Guy the White cured Abby of her allergy and sent the Nyan Cat back..."
Abby: Thanks, Guy. I'm no longer allergic to cats.
Guy the White: You're welcome, Abby.
(LEGO)
Harvey Zilth: LEGO?
Sidney: Leggo my Eggo!
(Fox)
Jimmy: Uh-oh!
Hank: Methinks we goofed again.
Sam: Youthinks right, Hank. This must be another one of those days.
Officer Flanigan: We've installed a new security system that bars evil intruders from entering the studio.
Guy the White: Good work, Officer Flanigan.
Dave: Any news on Scotty yet?
Officer Flanigan: Scotty's still in the hospital. Beulah's gone there because she said she wanted to be with him in his darkest hour.
Mr. Warner: I've just talked to the doctors at the hospital. Scotty suffered severe strangulation when he tried to hang himself.
Abby: How is Beulah doing?
Mr. Warner: She's fine, Abby, but she's afraid Scotty might not recover.
Dave: All we can do is wait, I guess.
RoboSoft 3 reads on-screen: "Will Scotty recover from his attempt to hang himself? Or has his condition worsened to the point where his chances of survival are close to zero? Find out in the next episode of Looney Tunes Intro Bloopers!"
Prologue (Looney Tunes Intro Bloopers 82: The Charge of the Logo Brigade)
RoboSoft 3 Reading: "In our last episode of Looney Tunes Intro Bloopers..."
RoboSoft 3 Narrating: "Slipping back momentarily into an old habit, Microsoft Sam fired Radar Overseer Scotty yet again. Scotty threw yet another tantrum, then attempted to hang himself. Scotty was rushed to BFF City Hospital and Beulah followed, wanting to be with him in his darkest hour. Meanwhile, angered by davemadson's banning the Devil and She-Devil from appearing in his videos, the Red NYET, Angry P-Head and Two-Headed P-Head came to menace the studio staff. Microsoft Anna sent the Red NYET back, but the Angry P-Head and Two-Headed P-Head relieved themselves all over Harvey, Sidney, Lernout & Hauspie Michael, Lernout & Hauspie Michelle and Dave. An angel named Guy the White, the spirit of Guy the Original Shield Guy who died in "Looney Tunes Intro Bloopers 70: War of Logos," cleaned up our heroes and sent the Angry P-Head and Two-Headed P-Head back where they belong. With Scotty in the hospital, the rest of the staff carried on with the bloopers."
Sam: Ready, Dave?
Dave: Ready, Sam!
Sam: Places everyone! Roll camera! Cue the shield!
(Nothing in the rings is zooming in.)
Sam: Where's the shield?
Jimmy: Sorry, Sam.
Hank: We forgot that Scotty's not here.
Sam: Oddly enough, I kind of miss dressing Scotty down.
Harvey Zilth: You miss undressing him?
Sidney: He'd look terrible in the nude.
Sam: Uh... ...yeah.
(The WB Shield zooms in, but the captions read "Werner Bros. Pictures Inc." instead of "Warner Bros. Pictures Inc.")
Dave: "Werner Brothers?"
Sam: Not "Werner Brothers," "Warner Brothers."
(The WB Shield zooms in again, but the captions read "Whisker Bros. Pictures Inc." instead of "Warner Bros. Pictures Inc.")
Mike: Whisker Brothers?
Mary: They keep missing by a hair! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
(The WB Shield zooms in again, but the captions read "Warped Bros. Pictures Inc." instead of "Warner Bros. Pictures Inc.")
Anna: Warped Brothers? Good thing it wasn't Warped Brains.
Sam: Not "Warped," "Warner."
(The WB Shield zooms in again, but this time, the captions read "Water Bros. Pictures Inc.")
Sam: Take it easy, Sam. They'll get it right sooner or later. Remain calm. Uh-oh! Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAPPITY CRAPPITY CRAPPITY CRAP! IT'S WARNER, NOT WERNER, WHISKER OR WATER, YOU HEAR ME? WARNER WARNER WARNER WARNER WARNER WARNER WARNER WARNER!!
SFX: BOOM!!
Mr. Warner: That's Mister Warner to you, Sam!
Sam: Oh sorry, Mr. Warner. I just get pissed off at these bloopers.
Mr. Warner: Don't get upset, Sam. I happen to love them! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Sam: Oh diarrhea!
(The WB Shield zooms in again, but the letters read "dB" with the captions read "Diarrhea Bros. Pictures Inc." instead of "WB" with "Warner Bros. Pictures Inc.")
Sam: Now cut that out!!
Abby: Diarrhea Brothers? Sick! Gross! Eeeewww! Eeeewww! [Abby barfing]
Dave: Nice going, you guys! You made Abby sick!
Jimmy: In the words of Steve Martin, and as quoted by many...
Hank: Well excuuuuuuuuuuuuse meee!
(The WB Shield zooms in yet again, but with the letters reading "EB" and the captions "Excuse Bros. Pictures Inc.")
LH Michael: Excuse Brothers?
LH Michelle: That's the oldest excuse in the book! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
(The WB Shield zooms in yet again, but with the letters reading "SB" and the captions "Special Bulletin Pictures Inc.")
Harvey Zilth: This is Harvey Zilth with a davemadson enterprises inc. special bulletin. Radar Overseer Scotty, who attempted suicide by attempting to hang himself, is in stable condition at BFF City Hospital. A spokesperson said Scotty is breathing again and he is expected to fully recover. Stay tuned for further reports.
(The WB Shield zooms in yet again, but the letters read "RB" with the captions "Recovery Bros. Pictures Inc.")
Beulah: Hi gang!
Abby: Beulah! How are you feeling?
Beulah: Much better, Abby. The doctor said Scotty's awake and alert and he'll be out of the hospital soon.
Sam: That's good news, Beulah. All those times Iberated him, insulted him and even fired him... I sure miss them.
Beulah: Same old Sam. Once a BS artist, always a BS artist.
[The message reads on-screen "Urgent News Bulletin!" with the news flash music in the background.]
Harvey Zilth: Here is an urgent news bulletin: security guard Officer Flanigan has been kidnapped. Two shadowy figures somehow slipped past our security system and seized the security guard while the rest of us were sound asleep. This is Harvey Zilth reporting.
Dave: What? Officer Flanigan kidnapped??
Sam: That's right, Dave. I can't find him anywhere.
Scotty: Hi gang. What's the problem?
Beulah: Scotty! You're back! [Beulah and Scotty kissing] I missed you, Scotty.
Scotty: I missed you too, Beulah.
Dave: This is no time to get romantic! Officer Flanigan's been kidnapped!
Jimmy: Holy Schneikees!
Hank: But our security system was the best in all of LOL-LOL Land.
Sidney: How could anybody have disabled the system so quickly, and so quietly?
Anna: I don't know, but they left this note.
Sam: What does it say?
Anna reads a note: "We have captured Officer Flanigan and disabled your security system. If you wish to see your security guard alive again, you must rescind the ban on the Devil and She-Devil from appearing in your videos. Failure to do so will not only result in Officer Flanigan's death, but also the destruction of LOL-LOL Land."
Mr. Warner: If those terrorists think they can get away with killing Officer Flanigan and destroying LOL-LOL Land, they've got another think coming.
LH Michael: Agreed, Mr. Warner.
LH Michelle: If they even try to send the Devil and She-Devil here, we'll have God and His angels on our side to beat those legions back.
Sam: Well said, LH Michelle.
[The message reads on-screen "Very Urgent News Bulletin!!!" with the news flash music in the background.]
Harvey Zilth: This is Harvey Zilth with a very urgent news bulletin. The Army of Roflica has attacked the border of LOL-LOL Land. Troops have rushed to the scene to check the advance, but it is clear that the Army of Roflica is being aided by two demonic figures. We will have more on this story as it develops.
(The Devil and She-Devil show up in the Looney Tunes rings with the ViD Theme accompanying them.)
Beulah: Oh noes! Not the Devil and She-Devil again!
Abby: Save us, Jesus!
Devil: You always piss us off every time you say that name!
She-Devil: It always makes our tails grow limp!
Dave: Ban violation! I call ban violation on the Devil and She-Devil!
Devil: Screw your ban violation!
She-Devil: We got it rescinded the minute Roflica attacked LOL-LOL Land!
Dave: Take it easy, Dave. You know these infernal imps can't win. Stay cool. Uh-oh! Tantrum is coming on! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT! WHEN I SAY THE DEVIL AND SHE-DEVIL ARE BANNED FROM APPEARING IN MY VIDEOS, THE BAN IS JUSTIFIED! NOW GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE I CALL ON THE ALMIGHTY YOU ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES!!
SFX: BOOM!!
Devil: Flattery, flattery, flattery! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
She-Devil: Your tantrums always flatter us, Dave! Keep it up!
God: Not as long as I have a say in this!
Devil: Go away, celestial interferer!
She-Devil: You haven't heard the whole story from us yet!
Angel: We're waiting. Start lying.
Devil: We sent those shadowy figures in to kidnap Officer Flanigan and hold him hostage.
She-Devil: We demand davemadson rescind the ban against us, or else!
Dave: Or else what?
Devil: If you don't rescind the ban, Officer Flanigan dies, LOL-LOL Land will become a permanent part of Roflica, and all of you will be executed for treason!
She-Devil: And not only that, we will shit all over you and your friends before your execution!
Angel: Disgusting!
God: You will never get away with it because your laws are inferior to Mine!
Guy the White: You heard Him! You're already guilty of a ban violation and are only making it worse for yourselves!
Scotty: Guy? Is it really you?
Guy the White: Yes, Scotty, it's me. Guy the White.
Devil: Oh scabies! We zapped Guy to smithereens and he comes back as an angel??
She-Devil: No wonder we get more outraged every day!
God: Rage all you want, but you'll never escape the truth!
Angel: The laws of the infernal are no match for the laws of the supernal!
Guy the White: So release Officer Flanigan and vamoose!
Devil: Well, okay. We'll release him.
She-Devil: But you must meet our other demand: rescind the ban against us.
Devil: If you refuse, not only does Roflica take over, but you'll all face the death penalty.
She-Devil: And we'll shit all over you!
Sam: Disgusting and unacceptable!
Dave: We say Jesus is Lord and that's that!
Devil: This scandalous decision you made is the biggest mistake of your lives! Let's get them, She-Devil!
She-Devil: Whatever you say! Bombs away!
(CENSORED!!!)
[PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP]
Sam: Hah! You missed again!
Dave: They tried to relieve themselves on us, but the poop boomeranged and hit them instead!
Devil: Gugh! You tricked us again! Eeeewww! Eeeewww! [Devil barfing]
She-Devil: Beaten again! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww! [She-Devil barfing]
Dave: Serves them right for always trying to claim us as their own without conclusive proof!
Sam: You said it, Dave. They're not only covered in their own filth, they're too weak to move.
Guy the White: Divine powers always overcome the dark powers.
Angel: You said it, Guy.
God: Now to send them back where they belong!
(He zaps the Devil and She-Devil until it culminates in a massive explosion. The words "GIGANTIC EXPLOSION!!" appear.)
SFX: B-B-B-B-BOOM!!!
(The Devils fall down through the Looney Tunes rings.)
SFX: LOUD CRASH!!
Devil: Curses! Foiled again and covered in our own filth! How degrading!
She-Devil: I can't get near Dave anymore! All my bones are broken! OW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!!
Dave: Serves them right!
Sam: You said it, Dave.
Scotty: Will you make sure they'll never use the rings as a portal again?
Guy the White: Will do, brother Scotty.
Angel: It is as good as done.
RoboSoft 3 reads on-screen: "Later, after God, Angela the Angel and Guy the White sealed up the secret passage from the netherworld so that the Devil and She-Devil can never again use the rings as a portal to the surface world..."
Guy the White: You'll need not fear the Devil and She-Devil barging into your studio again.
Angel: The old passage from the netherworld has been sealed up, so they'll need to find another way in, which will be a long, long, long time.
Dave: Thank God!
God: You're welcome.
(The WB shield zooms in for the last time, but the letters read "NB" with the captions "News Bulletin Pictures Inc.")
Harvey Zilth: Here is yet another news bulletin. With the passage from the netherworld sealed up, davemadson enterprises inc. is no longer in danger of invasions by the Devil and She-Devil. Also, Officer Flanigan is alive and well and in good condition at BFF City Hospital. Finally, LOL-LOL Land troops have beaten back the Army of Roflica. This is Harvey Zilth reporting.
(The WB Shield goes to the upper-left!)
Sam: Uh, Scotty?
Scotty: Yeah, Sam?
Sam: The shield is supposed to stop at full stature, not fly away.
(The WB Shield goes to the upper-right!)
Jimmy: Look out! Runaway shield!
Hank: Watch where that shield lands!
Sidney: Whoever catches it wins a brand new car.
Mike: I thought it was a million bucks.
Mary: LOL-LOL Land has a winnings cap.
Anna: No wonder so few game shows are popular here.
(The WB Shield goes to the lower-left!)
LH Michael: Tonight on A&E:
LH Michelle: Secrets of the Runaway Shield.
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!
Dave: Ah, it seems like old times again.
Abby: I think Sam and Scotty are happiest when they're fighting.
(The WB Shield goes to the lower-right!)
SFX: CRASH!!
Scotty: EEE-YOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!! Not again, you sonsofbitches! EEE-YOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!!
Beulah: Are you hurt again, Scotty?
Scotty: That goddamned WB Shield landed on my foot yet again! EEE-YOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!!
Beulah: Well, I guess it's back to the hospital again.
Dave: Poor Scotty can't seem to keep from getting hurt, can he?
Sam: He can't help it if he's accident-prone.
Anna: He'll be in good hands at the hospital.
Dave: Their top doctor is the best in all of LOL-LOL Land.
Sam: And who's that?
Dave: Who else?
Dave reading: DR. SHEESH!!!
Sam: Oh syphilis!
Sam: Places everyone!
Dave: Count off!
Mike: One!
Mary: Two!
Anna: Three!
Scotty: Four!
Jimmy: Five!
Hank: Six!
Harvey Zilth: Seven!
Sidney: Eight!
Beulah: Nine!
Abby: Ten!
LH Michael: Eleven!
LH Michelle: Twelve!
Mr. Warner: Thirteen!
Officer Flanigan: Fourteen!
Dave: All present and accounted for, Your Samuelship, sir!
Sam: "Your Samuelship?" Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
(YS)
(Your Samuelship Pictures Inc.)
Sam: All right, you've had your fun. Let's get serious.
(GS)
(Get Serious! Pictures Inc.)
Sam: Roll camera! Cue shield!
(CS)
(Cue Shield Pictures Inc.)
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!
Dave: Must you alwyas yell at each other?
Sam: Well, Jeez Louise, Dave! Can I help it if Scotty keeps fucking up the Looney Tunes intro?
Mr. Warner: You shouldn't get so hyper, Sam. I love these bloopers! They're funny! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
Sam: Take it easy, Sam.
You know Mr. Warner's right.
Remain
calm.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAPPITY CRAPPITY CRAPPITY CRAP!
I SHOULD HAVE A SAY IN THIS AND IF SCOTTY FUCKS UP THE INTRO ONCE MORE, HE SHOULD BE FIRED, YOU HEAR ME?
FIRED FIRED FIRED FIRED FIRED FIRED FIRED FIRED FIRED FIRED FIRED FIRED!!
*BOOM!!*
Anna: Sam? Are you all right?
Sam: I'm all right, Anna. It's just that Scotty always pisses me off when we keep getting bloopers.
Anna: Don't be so upset, Sam. You heard Mr. Warner say he loves these bloopers. You'll have to be patient, okay?
Sam: Okay, Anna.
(The WB letters fly off of the shield!)
*CRASH!!*
Mike: Holy Schneikees!
Mary: The letters knocked Sam down again!
Sam: This is what I get for throwing a tantrum over bloopers.
Mr. Warner: You took the words right out of my mouth, Sam.
Dave: Come on, gang, help me pry the letters off of Sam!
RoboSoft 3 reading: "Later, after the gang pried the letters off Sam..."
(CK)
(Crotch Kick Pictures Inc.)
Scotty: Crotch Kick Pictures?
Jimmy: I thought crotch kicks were illegal in LOL-LOL Land.
Hank: Yeah, but I heard Dave filed another legal challenge in court.
Harvey Zilth: I thought that law was upheld because of concerns of injury risk.
Sidney: It was, but Dave's claim that it would lead to more bullying.
Officer Flanigan: The LOL-LOL Land Supreme Court has thrown out the anti-crotch-kick law on the grounds of Dave's argument that it would lead to more bullying.
Sam: You asswipe, Dave! You should have let that law stand!
Dave: Shut up, Sam!
Sam: Fuck you, Dave!
RoboSoft 3 reading: "Later, after Dave, Mr. Warner and Officer Flanigan washed Sam's mouth out..."
(Red NYET)
Dave: Oh sludge! Not the Red NYET again!
Red NYET: Yes, the Red NYET again. And this time, I'm bringing my friends along for the ride.
(Angry P-Head and Two-Headed P-Head)
Sam: Not the Angry P-Head and Two-Headed P-Head again!
Angry P-Head: Yes, it's us again.
Two-Headed P-Head: And this time, we're taking no prisoners!
Angry P-Head: The Devil and She-Devil are really pissed off at you.
Two-Headed P-Head: They're pissed because your divine friends sealed up the portal from here to the netherworld so they can't enter through the rings.
Angry P-Head: But we still can.
Two-Headed P-Head: And you have one choice: either you all surrender, or we shit all over you!
Anna: Don't you dare get filthy with us! Take that!
[Anna releases powers to the Red NYET and the Angry P-Head and Two-Headed P-Head]
*B-B-B-BOOM!!*
[The Red NYET falls back]
*CRASH!!*
[The Angry P-Head and Two-Headed P-Head fall back]
*CRASH!!*
Anna: You need not worry about those evil logo parodies anymore.
Sam: Thanks, Anna.
Anna: You're welcome, Sam.
(RB)
(Revenge Bros. Pictures Inc.)
Mike: Revenge Brothers?
Mary: What would they want revenge for?
Anna: I don't know, but I found this note.
Dave: What's it say?
Anna reading a note: "We are aware that you have permanently banned the Devil and She-Devil from appearing in your videos. We demand that all of you surrender your souls without delay, or there will be hell to pay! Signed, the Scary Logo Alliance."
(SL)
(Scary Logo Alliance)
Beulah: Scary logos again?
Abby: They can't harm us as long as we have God and His angels on our side.
LH Michael: You said it, Abby.
LH Michelle: The divine powers will put that infernal legion back in its place.
(The Scary Logo Alliance)
Sam: AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHH!! Not all these logos at once! [THUD!]
Dave: Nice going, logos! You gave Sam yet another heart attack!
Red NYET: What's it to you?
Angry P-Head: He'll be in our possession soon.
Two-Headed P-Head: Because the Devil and She-Devil have indisputable evildence that all of you have committed unforgivable sins, and here is your verdict.
V of Doom: Guilty.
S from Hell: Guilty.
Mask of Guo Xiang: Guilty.
Windows XP BSOD: Guilty.
Red NYET: So that's the verdict. Eternal damnation shall soon come down upon you.
God: Not if I have anything to say about it.
Angel: To prove a person guilty beyond all doubt, you must show conclusive evidence against the person.
Guy the White: And to withhold said proof is considered contempt of court.
Angry P-Head: Contempt of court my ass!
Two-Headed P-Head: In the netherworld, the accused is forbidden from knowing the evidence against them while they live, and that is law!
God: The laws of the infernal cannot supersede the laws of the supernal!
Angel: So go away and do not come back!
Guy the White: Menace davemadson and his friends one more time and you'll feel the Wrath of God!
Red NYET: Scandalous and nothing else but scandalous!
Angry P-Head: You will all pay for this!
Two-Headed P-Head: Let's get them! Bombs away!
*CENSORED!!!*
[PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP]
Mike: Gugh! Shat on again! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww!
[Mike barfing]
Mary: You have no reason to do this to us! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww!
[Mary barfing]
Anna: You filth! Eeeewww! Eeeewww!
[Anna barfing]
Scotty: Not on me, you scum! Eeeewww! Eeeewww!
[Scotty barfing]
Beulah: We're not toilets! Eeeewww! Eeeewww!
[Beulah barfing]
Abby: This isn't a cesspool! Eeeewww! Eeeewww!
[Abby barfing]
Dave: To make a tired point, this act is truly scandalous! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww!
[Dave barfing]
Guy the White: There is no justification for this vile act!
Angel: You infernal logos have made the biggest mistake ever!
God: Begone, agents of filth, and darken these doors no more!
[God releases powers to the Scary Logo Alliance]
*GIGANTIC EXPLOSION!!*
Guy the White: Mike, Mary, Anna, Scotty, Beulah, Abby and Dave are all cleaned up now.
Angel: The evil logos have been purged from here and you may resume your video.
Dave: Thank God!
God: You're welcome.
*SPECIAL NEWS BULLETIN!!*
Harvey Zilth: This is Harvey Zilth with a davemadson enterprises inc. special bulletin. Microsoft Sam has recovered from what was thought to be a heart attack, but instead turned out to be a fainting spell. Also, political tensions have caused Roflica to split into two republics. East Roflica has become an autonomous regime, while West Roflica, which borders on LOL-LOL Land, is a democracy.
RoboSoft 3 reading: "This has been a Special News Bulletin. We now return to Looney Tunes Intro Bloopers."
(WP)
(Wrap Party Pictures Inc.)
Scotty: Wrap party.
Jimmy: Sounds like a good idea.
Beulah: I'd love to get wrapped up with Scotty.
Abby: And I'd love to get wrapped up with Dave.
Dave: That's not what they mean by "wrap party."
Sam: We'll have one as soon as we get this Looney Tunes intro done right.
Anna: Sam! I'm so glad you pulled through! 
[Sam and Anna kissing]
Anna: I love you, Sam.
Sam: I love you too, Anna.
Mr. Warner: Ah, love. I wish I had a girlfriend.
Officer Flanigan: So do I, but I hope to find one soon or I'm not Officer Franklin D. Flanigan.
Mr. Warner: I hope to find one soon, or my name's not W.B. Warner.
(WB)
(Warner Bloopers Pictures Inc.)
Hank: Uh-oh!
Harvey Zilth: Methinks we goofed again.
Sidney: Youthinks right, Harvey.
Sam: It's not all that bad. We're very close. All we need to do is replace "Bloopers" with "Bros." and we'll be on Easy Street.
*Time of Day - 4:55 PM*
[Electric buzzer]
Sam: Did you just razz me?
Anna: Nobody's razzing you, Sam.
Mr. Warner: We only have five more minutes to get the intro right.
Dave: I'm game for one more try.
Sam: So am I. Let's go for broke!
(WB)
(Warner Bros. Pictures Inc. Presents - Looney Tunes A Warner Bros. Cartoon Color by Technicolor)
Scotty: Hot diggity!
Jimmy: We finally got it right!
Hank: If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
Harvey Zilth: Fry, fry a hen.
Sidney: Fly, fly a plane.
Mr. Warner: Congratulations on getting the intro right for the third time.
Beulah: Third time's a charm.
Abby: How charming.
LH Michael: Charm bracelet.
LH Michelle: Lucky charms.
Dave: I think there's room for a line about Lucky Charms cereal but I won't dare try it.
Mike: This proves the validity of BenLongHighway's Theory.
Mary: BenLongHighway's Theory?
Sam: It's a theory that once every 28 episodes, we get the Looney Tunes intro right.
Anna: Well said, Sam.
Dave: It also means the end of another wonderful season bloopers.
Sam: So we can have a wrap party now?
Dave: Jawohl. Let's all go out to celebrate.
Scotty: Where are we going?
Dave: I thought you'd never ask.
Dave reading: CHEZ MONYOU!!!
Scotty: Well, here we go again!