A Cold Reminder

Here I am, sitting in the dark. Contemplating about how I got here, staring at this monitor as if it's my only lifeline. I'm looking around the room and all I can think about is how badly I screwed up. This place is vacant. Nothing is left, just me. The wallpaper is gone, the carpeting ripped out. All of my things and all of my family are gone. Not even the warmness of the sun remains. All that's left is that musty odor of dust and decay, that has become a calming sedative to my disoriented mind. Listen to me, I sound like a God damn poet. I wish I had the courage to leave this damn place, but I'm too terrified that whatever brought me here in the first place is still lingering beyond the confines of this room. Ugh, but what did I do exactly to deserve this fate? Have I done wrong?
"YOUR MAGNUM OPUS...YOUR MAGNUM OPUS" that's what this note says in my pocket. 
That's all I've been thinking about and studying for what feels like years now, but honestly, time here is just a blur. I can't make heads or tails of it anymore. I never really understood why we were so worried about it in the first place. In retrospect, before this began, I would have enjoyed it. Every last minute of freedom. Now I know why we worry, because something tells us in our internal being that sooner or later: the clock is going to run out.
Sorry if I'm making you depressed, or if all of this seems disjointed. I just need some self-reflection time. Everybody does. If I knew who I was, I would tell you. And no, I don't mean I don't know my own name. My name is Kai Ba--... nevermind, that doesn't matter. 
Names mean nothing. It's what you make of yourself that counts. Heh, there I go again with inspirational quotes. But my problem is I don't know a God damn thing about who I am, I've been sitting here that long. When I think about my inner being I don't feel anything. I feel empty. Not a sad empty, just a vacancy, much like this room. Like the idea of what "could've been" or what "might be". I think about my identity and all that comes to mind is: awkward teenager turned crazy after an encounter with a dead rabbit and a walking fairy tale. He he, the "Midnight Man", how terrified I used to be. Too bad you were right all along. But that's how they'd remember me. And after I tried to warn them countless times that something was amiss with the world, I gave up. I saved my voice. And I started to listen. Then I felt it. The headaches got worse. My muscles began to twitch and I couldn't distinguish reality from dreams. Then my memory started to go, along with it my friends and the rest of my sad little life. I wanted to be a film-maker one day, and that's when I tried to change. 
"YOUR MAGNUM OPUS...YOUR MAGNUM OPUS" those, words have something to do with this. They're written everywhere... but, how? All over the walls. I looked away for--for. Where am I? What am I typing. Is this a dream? I'm scared now. What is happening to me? My body feels heavier than before.
Okay, okay calm down. You're just panicking again, you need to take your medication with the black and white pills. That will help. But where did I leave my water... That's right, it's in my stomach already. I'll just drink the red water to wash down the--I don't want to anymore. 
WHAT IS THE POINT. WHY AM I STILL ALIVE. WHAT DO YOU WANT, I JUST WANT TO GO HOME. This isn't part of our plan! I don't know who you are and who I'm talking to and why I have this laptop in the first place, but I've got to go. There's got to be more out there. I can hear the birds chirping, the sun must be out. But--but the moonlight, it's still dark but I can see. The birds are just outside the window. I could almost touch them. 
"Nightingale" what is that? It's scrawled in my arm. Why? When can I leave. The blood, there's so much blood. I need,--need to go. Now the laptop is gone, but I can still type. Is there a reason you're standing there? You look so cute with that owl mask and that skirt. With your blonde curls just flowing out on your shoulders. Do you know I love you, Clarice? I did all of this for you. I wanted you to know that. You make me feel like someone special. We never should've broken up that day. We are meant to be together, I know that now. Want to lie on the bed together? Just like old times. I miss you so much. Why did you leave me? Where did you go? This room isn't that big. Are you hiding in the closet? I can hear your footsteps. I'm great at playing hide and seek. Where are you? WHERE ARE YOU. Can you help me? Kai? Where'd you go? Is this my end yet? Have I completed the cycle? 
"YOUR MAGNUM OPUS...YOUR MAGNUM OPUS" ...that sounds like a nice name for the footage...on the...on my camera. I need my laptop, where did I put it? I know it's here somewhere? Mom? Do you know where I put my laptop?-Never mind, I found it. It's right in front of me. Now, I just need to relax. I need to relax. Let me just log in here: "MidnightGrunt"...sign in.... There we go! Now relax you fool.
After all, schizos need their rest too, you know. See what I mean? Sometimes I just get off track, hehe...well. Here I am, sitting in the dark. Contemplating about how I got here, staring at this monitor as if it's my only lifeline. I'm looking around the room and all I can think about is how badly I screwed up. This place is vacant. Nothing is left, just me. The wallpaper is gone, the carpeting ripped out. All of my things and all of my family are gone. Not even the warmness of the sun remains. All that's left is that musty odor of dust and decay, that has become a calming sedative to my disoriented mind. Listen to me, I sound like a God damn poet. I wish I had the courage to leave this damn place, but I'm too terrified that whatever brought me here in the first place is still lingering beyond the confines of this room. Ugh, but what did I do exactly to deserve this fate? Have I done wro-
[knock knock]
Hold on, someone's at the door.
Category:Dreams/Sleep
Category:Mental Illness
Category:Reality