Transcript:A Little Blood, Part 2

EPISODE TWO
 BILLY
 Are you seriously still mad?
 JEN
 I’m not mad, I just don’t wanna talk about it.
 NARRATOR
 Had Billy possessed the relevant insights into the
 human mind, he would have realized that when one human
 asks another, incredulously, whether they are still
 mad, the meaning behind any answer the other gives will
 inevitably be "yes." Then again, had Billy possessed
 said insights, he may not have made Jen mad in the
 first place.
 NELSON
 Hey guys.
 NARRATOR
 Had Nelson possessed the relevant insight into human
 socializing, he would have known better than to be
 caught between two people in the midst an "are you
 still mad" dance. But, being Nelson, he wandered up to
 Billy and Jen, and stood directly between them. They
 each muttered something that may have passed for
 "hello", and proceeded to stare intently at their own
 feet.
 NELSON
 ...Something wrong?
 BILLY
 No, Nelson, this has been fucking perfect. I can’t
 think of a better way to spend a week.
 NARRATOR
 At this, Billy returned to studying his toes. Jen
 retrieved her iPhone device, and used it to distract
 herself. She accessed the device’s store of music -
 again, don’t ask me. She found an item titled "Dad’s
 Tape". The device listed 10 items labeled "track 1"
 through "track 10". Jen did not instruct the device to
 play this music; she simply stared at the words. As the
 silence stretched on, the tension slowly dissipated.
 Eventually, Billy felt safe enough to speak again.
 BILLY
 What do you even do on there, anyway?
 JEN
 I dunno. Just look at stuff. Pictures, music. I go on
 Twitter a lot. It doesn’t update or anything but it
 reminds me of home, you know?
 BILLY
 What was the last tweet you got?
 JEN
 You know Stacy Wallace?
 BILLY
 You mean that crazy Jesus girl?
 JEN
 Yeah. The one who hangs around practice and calls us
 the slut squad. She retweeted 50 Cent.
 NELSON
 I didn’t know Fiddy was still relevant.
 JEN
 Since when does that matter on Twitter?
 BILLY
 What did "Fiddy" have to say?
 NELSON
 Yeah, I’m not sure how I feel about you calling him
 ’Fiddy.’
 JEN
 Quote - Masturbation is a sin you stop right now fool
 exclamation mark, exclamation mark, exclamation mark.
 L-O-L God is watching you.
 NELSON
 He shoulda taken his own advice and spared us that
 movie he made.
 BILLY
 ...Alright, knob-cheese, that was pretty good.
 NARRATOR
 The children’s bonding moment was interrupted by the
 arrival of Brennen. He was still covered in mud, and
 was trailed by the rest of the party.
 BRENNEN
 We need to leave within the hour. If these men found us
 more will follow. Kalth’yr, search the woods, see if
 they brought horses.
 BILLY
 Where the hell are we going now?
 BRENNEN
 Castle Guernatal. The sooner we restore His Majesty’s
 royal line the sooner we can see about getting you all
 home.
 REGAN
 Route-wise, I recommend--
 BRENNEN
 --You’ll go the way I choose and keep your mouth shut
 about it.
 REGAN
 Easy now. I’m gonna be your Queen some day.
 BRENNEN
 Today is not that day.
 (TO EVERYONE)
 Make whatever preparations you need to leave.
 NARRATOR
 The group dispersed to do just that. Yllowyyn strode
 off in the direction of the woods, his bow already out
 and an arrow nocked. Billy, with a grumble, began
 assembling and packing his armor. Jen, however, pulled
 Nia aside.
 JEN
 Can I talk to you in private for a second?
 INT. ARLENE’S BEDCHAMBERS - MORNING
 NARRATOR
 Back at Castle Guernatal, Arlene had shed her wedding
 dress. Back in sensible clothing, she and Gwendolyn
 attempted to puzzle through the rest of Ardel’s
 scheming.
 ARLENE
 My brother covets power. He’d never surrender his power
 over me unless it was to gain yet more power.
 GWEN
 What could he gain by marrying you to House Mooncrest?
 NARRATOR
 A moment passed as Arlene considered the assets at Lord
 Mooncrest’s disposal, before a thought hit her.
 ARLENE
 An army. Mooncrest commands an army.
 GWEN
 But every soldier in the realm will be needed to fight
 Traft. There’ll be nothing for Ardel to rule if the
 orcs burn it all.
 ARLENE
 You’re right, even my brother would see that.
 NARRATOR
 The two returned to thoughtful silence. Arlene’s hands
 idly reached towards the book which Gwen had fetched
 from the library. True to her word, Gwen had chosen a
 tome entitled "The Knights of the Wood and Hrdlxx the
 Warrior Dragon". Arlene stared at the spine, a thought
 forming.
 ARLENE
 The Knights of the Wood. They’re not protecting us
 because they consider the Guernatal dynasty fallen.
 And, presumably, they don’t consider Felghir powerful
 enough on their own to take the High Crown. But
 Mooncrest’s army combined with the resources of Castle
 Guernatal might be enough to establish a new dynasty.
 GWEN
 Why not marry you to Felghir, then?
 ARLENE
 Gunther’s Lords hate Felghir. They would sooner die
 than see the crown pass to his house.
 GWEN
 But why would His Majesty pass the crown to anybody?
 ARLENE
 He wouldn’t...My god, Gwen. Ardel’s going to try to
 steal it. And we need to stop him.
 EXT. BEHIND THE BRIARHELM BARN - NEARLY CONTINUOUS
 NARRATOR
 At the Briarhelm farm, as most of the party was
 preparing to depart, Jen and Nia were standing alone,
 away from the group. Jen had asked Nia for a word, but
 rather than using any, the girl was standing awkwardly,
 and repeatedly looking around to make sure nobody was
 within earshot. Once, twice, three times, she opened
 her mouth to speak, but cut herself short and checked
 over her shoulder.
 NIA
 What’s troubling you? Is Billy not treating you kindly?
 JEN
 No, nothing like that. What do you do around here
 when...I’m not sure how you say it...you know, once a
 month?
 NARRATOR
 Nia clearly did not take Jen’s meaning.
 JEN
 Once every moon...
 REGAN
 She means she’s gonna bleed soon.
 JEN
 Jesus, can you stop that?!
 NARRATOR
 Regan’s stealthy arrival had once again startled both
 Jen and Nia. She did, however, bridge the communicative
 gap.
 NIA
 (TO REGAN)
 The girl asked for privacy.
 (TO JEN)
 Is that what you mean though? You will bleed soon?
 JEN
 Yeah, I mean, I think so. It’s been kind of hard to
 keep track. But that’s what you call it? Just
 ’bleeding?’
 NIA
 In polite society it is referred to as one’s
 affliction.
 JEN
 That’s...kinda weird.
 REGAN
 In my society we call it "Oh gods fucking damn it!
 Already?!"
 NARRATOR
 Nia glowered at Regan’s impropriety. The impropriety,
 however, managed to crack a smile and a stifled chuckle
 from Jen, for the first time around the rogue. Nia
 pretended not to notice.
 NIA
 I have some myrrh and sanctified honey with me, and
 also some spare cotton. You can roll up the cotton,
 bless it with the myrrh and honey, and place it inside.
 REGAN
 Or you can save yourself a lot of energy, and just boil
 a rag and put it under your smallclothes.
 NIA
 I know we weren’t all raised well, but--
 REGAN
 --We can’t all afford myrrh.
 JEN
 Hmmm. That’s interesting. I’d be worried about the pH
 balance, but honey does kill some bacteria and
 yeast...Seeing as how we can’t count on regular
 bathing, I think I’ll go with the rag. Thanks.
 NIA
 Jen, your body is a gift from Galadon. You should honor
 him by honoring it.
 REGAN
 Yeah, well why doesn’t Galadon plug up my--
 BILLY (O.S.) Hey, babe?
 NARRATOR
 Billy chose a very opportune moment to come searching
 for Jen. If he noticed Regan’s dismissive eye role, he
 chose to ignore it. I suspect, however, that he did not
 even notice it.
 BILLY
 Oh, hey. You all right?
 JEN
 Fine honey, we’re just talking.
 BILLY
 What about?
 JEN
 Just, you know, girl stuff.
 BILLY
 What kind of girl stuff?
 NARRATOR
 I’m told of a bard from Billy’s world who once penned
 the proverb, "if my answers frighten you, Vincent, you
 should cease asking scary questions."
 REGAN
 (EGGING ON)
 Jen’s gonna bleed soon.
 BILLY
 ...Ewwwwwwwwwww.
 REGAN
 What happened to "a little blood never hurt anybody?"
 BILLY
 Yeah but that’s different. This comes out of her, you
 know...
 HE LOOKS AT THE THREE WOMEN, UNSURE OF WHAT WORD
 TO USE.
 NARRATOR
 At this point, Billy’s face grew quite red as he
 stammered. Regan took obvious joy in the boy’s
 discomfort. Eventually, Jen ended his misery by
 supplying the word.
 JEN Vagina?
 NIA
 [SHOCKED, NERVOUS LAUGHTER]
 REGAN
 (THROUGH LAUGHTER) What?!
 JEN What?
 REGAN
 What was that word?
 JEN Vagina?
 REGAN 
 MORE LAUGHTER.
 That’s the funniest word I’ve ever heard.
 JEN
 That’s what you call it where we’re from.
 NIA It isn’t!
 NARRATOR
 Now Jen’s face was the one turning red. Unable to
 speak, she simply nodded emphatically.
 NIA
 That sounds like something a warlock would name his
 stronghold.
 REGAN
 Sounds like something an Orc yells when he has a tooth
 pulled.
 BRENNEN
 (O.S.)
 Gather ’round!
 REGAN
 Before we go, say it one more time?
 JEN Vagina.
 REGAN
 (STILL CHUCKLING)
 Look, girly. Call it whatever you want. But don’t
 expect anyone to take your cunt seriously when you call
 it that.
 EXT. BRIARHELM BARN - NEARLY CONTINUOUS
 NARRATOR
 The women composed themselves as they walked to the
 front of the barn. There, Brennen and Yllowyyn were
 waiting. The elf was sitting comfortably on the back of
 a beautiful chestnut mare. Brennen stood holding the
 lead of another horse, and a third grazed calmly
 nearby. Billy and Nelson were standing a respectful
 distance away, but Jen was drawn to the majestic
 animals. She reached up and stroked the face of the
 nearest horse.
 JEN
 (QUIETLY, TO THE HORSE)
 You’re beautiful.
 BRENNEN
 Under the circumstances, I think it wise to opt for
 speed over stealth. The Kalth’yr and I know how to
 ride. Can you, Nia?
 NIA
 It’s been many years. I don’t think I could be counted
 on in an emergency.
 NARRATOR
 Regan, however, quickly vaulted up onto the back of the
 nearest horse. The motion wasn’t pretty, but it was
 effective.
 REGAN
 I been on a few horses in my day.
 BRENNEN
 None that you acquired legally, I presume?
 REGAN
 I commandeered them in the name of the queen.
 BRENNEN
 (TO THE KIDS)
 You three said you could not, aye?
 NELSON
 So is this the riding tutorial?
 BRENNEN
 We haven’t the time. You’ll need to ride with us. Jen,
 ride with Yllowyyn.
 BILLY
 Fuck. That.
 YLLOWYYN
 Would you prefer to ride with me?
 BILLY
 Make Nelson do it. He’s all hot for your pointy ears
 anyway.
 YLLOWYYN
 I’d rather not, he’s very strange.
 BRENNEN
 Nelson, ride with Regan. Nia, with them, lest Her
 Highness gets in a hostage-taking mood again.
 NARRATOR
 This prospect reminded Nelson of certain facts about
 male anatomy, which, for some reason, were potential
 causes of embarrassment.
 NELSON
 I’m gonna ride with both of them on the horse?
 REGAN
 No, you’re gonna lay underneath and hang onto its cock.
 NELSON
 Like, between them or something?
 YLLOWYYN
 One of the horses will need to carry three, and you’re
 the lightest.
 NELSON
 I don’t think that’s a good idea.
 YLLOWYYN
 General, perhaps the two boys can ride with you.
 BILLY
 That’s really gay, dude.
 YLLOWYYN
 Nelson and Jen, then.
 BILLY
 Not happening.
 YLLOWYYN
 Billy and Regan.
 JEN Unh uh.
 YLLOWYYN
 Regan, Jen, and Nia.
 BILLY Nope.
 JEN Nope.
 BRENNEN
 Everyone has thirty seconds to get on a gods damned
 horse or else I put the horse on you.
 EXT. FOOTHILLS - EARLY EVENING
 NARRATOR
 Eventually, the party settled on a satisfactory riding
 arrangement. Brennen and Jen shared the front horse.
 Behind them, Nelson sat between Regan and Nia. The boy
 was focusing very intently on the ground beneath them.
 Yllowyyn and Billy brought up the rear. Billy had tried
 to ride without touching the elf at all. He fell at the
 very first step of the horse. Now he rode with his arms
 around Yllowyyn’s waist. It is impossible to gauge
 which of them was more upset with this arrangement.
 Two hours passed uneventfully as they rode along
 monotonous countryside. Suddenly, Yllowyyn called
 forward.
 YLLOWYYN
 General, I hear the faint sound of weapons but I can’t
 tell from where.
 BRENNEN
 Let’s halt.
 REGAN
 Fuck me.
 NARRATOR
 At this, Regan also became aware of certain facts about
 Nelson’s anatomy.
 REGAN
 (TO NELSON) Really?
 BRENNEN
 Kalth’yr, dismount and scout over that hill. Everyone
 else, keep your voices down.
 NIA
 (WHISPERS)
 If the worst comes to pass and they are foes, what do
 we do if they are enemies?
 NARRATOR
 General Brennen gave Nia a hard stare, and then
 wordlessly turned towards the hill and the retreating
 figure of Yllowyyn. The elf reached the crest of the
 ridge. It felt like an hour before Yllowyyn moved, but
 only a few minutes passed before he turned and gestured
 for Brennen to join him.
 As the general reached the crest of the hill, he could
 see what Yllowyyn had seen. In the valley below,
 NARRATOR (cont’d)
 Brennen saw a field of tents, hundreds of them neatly
 regimented. Above each tent, flapping proudly in the
 wind, stood a black raven on a field of red.
 YLLOWYYN
 Leif of Felghir has called his banners.
 END OF EPISODE TWO.
Category:Episode Transcripts