July 9, 2024/Transcript

This is the transcript for the Memes of Truth with Zachary & Meredith Bortz episode, July 9, 2024.
==TV-MA Warning (before the story)==
Hulu TV-MA - Hulu Preroll|The TV-MA warning.
==Story==
===Opening Segment===
Opening Logo
*2021 Hulu Originals opening logo
Show Announcer: July 9, 2024. Hosting live from their home in Long Beach, California. This is Memes of Truth with Zachary & Meredith Bortz.
JULY 9, 2024
Opening Segment Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, your hosts of Memes of Truth, kicking things off with an opening segment, Zachary and Meredith Bortz.
OPENING
SEGMENT
[Transition to Zachary and Meredith]
Zachary: This is Zachary and Meredith Bortz and today on Memes of Truth with Zachary & Meredith Bortz, we discuss Factory Beat's mini-trip to Pittsburgh, talk about new social media posts with Bear-a-Stiff Glee Dan in them and invite our friend Lucy over for a threesome and to hang out with us as today is her birthday. Today's going be an exciting and literally, hot day.
Meredith: What he said. After our threesome with Lucy, we'll spend the "Friend Hangouts" segment outside, chilling by the pool. Once we get there. But first, we have a s**t load of updates relating to Beat and Glee Dan we've got to talk about today. So, let's not waste any more time and get on with it.
===What Are Beat and Glee Dan Up To?===
What Are Beat and Glee Dan Up To? Announcer: What Are Beat and Glee Dan Up To?
WHAT ARE BEAT
AND GLEE DAN
UP TO?
[Transition back to Zachary and Meredith]
Zachary: Let's start today's segment of "What Are Beat and Glee Dan Up To?" with Beat since his side of the story won't take long to talk about.
Meredith: You guys may remember from season 10 of Meredith's New Jerseyan Life that Beat is a cart pusher at the Karns in Hershey, Pennsylvania. Well, he informed us on Thursday that he will be going to Pittsburgh from July 29th to the 30th. And because he'll be returning from his mini-trip on the 30th, we will take off that day and move that episode to that Wednesday, the 31st. Beat will be off the last two days in July and return to work the first three days in August. There is a Chuck E. Cheese and two Dave & Buster's locations in Pittsburgh, so he'll be going to those while he's up there. By the way, he works Tuesday to Saturday if you were wondering.
Zachary: There is something about the Pittsburgh Chuck E. Cheese that needs to be mentioned, but we'll save that for "Stages, Restroom Signs and More". But now let's move onto Glee Dan's side of the story because we need to go back to the past to talk about the first part and then reflect on the second part from last night. How bout it, Mere? You ready to talk about your pretty lookalike?
Meredith: I'm "pretty" ready to talk about her, Zach. Get it?! Pretty? Cause I'm pretty too.
Zachary: You sure are. Now go get her, not literally. Just an expression.
Meredith: All right. This weekend, Beat saw a Father's Day post from Glee Dan's aunt on Facebook with Glee Dan in one of the pictures with her grandfather. And speaking of her aunt, you might remember from Oldies Radio that the first three seasons and movies of Meredith's New Jerseyan Life were based off her aunt's Facebook account. In that same movie, we also mentioned that Glee Dan unblocked Beat on Instagram, which she still has him unblocked. It's been two years since they moved on. So maybe it's a perfect time for Beat to get the apologies he wants from her and her mother, Dairy Ellen and that he can have Glee Dan's Instagram and TikTok back. She still has him blocked on TikTok, by the way.
Zachary: You know what, his chances of getting her TikTok back are gonna be f**ked when TikTok is banned here in the US, also causing the cancellation of this show.
Meredith: The only thing he can do now is ask his dad about messaging Glee Dan and emailing her mother again for an apology. The thing is, he'll need to show his dad the message and the email before sending them.
Zachary: Good thing he can do it at any time since Glee Dan's done with college.
Meredith: He'll update us on that when he decides to talk about it with his dad. But anyways, there was one photo and video that we had missed because Glee Dan wasn't recognizable on one of those trampolines but now, she is. In fact, I still have that outfit and I'll change into it after Lucy leaves and before the main segment. But now, for the big news: Glee Dan did a new TikTok around 5pm. A DIML, short for day-in-my-life, segment. And guess what: we saw Glee Dan in a bikini. And you know what that means.
Zachary: We talk about The Guy Game in the future?
Meredith: Correct. We'll actually do that in the show's first movie on Friday because we'll spend most of it talking about it. And I'll wear that pink bikini with purple seashells on the top and bottom Glee Dan was wearing while doing a selfie and relaxing on one of those uh…what are they called, inflatable floating chairs or something like that?
Zachary: I don't know. But they are inflatable and they do float if they have the same weight and air size as a whoopee cushion.
Meredith: Oh, that's true. If it's not poisonous like the one in Worms Clan Wars and Battlegrounds. Anyway, as I was saying, I'll wear that bikini throughout most of the movie because most of what The Guy Game calls them, hotties, wear bikinis and a couple of them are absolutely amazing.
Zachary: I know, right? A couple of them are hot, hot, hot if you ask me. [Meredith gasps]
Meredith: We should sing our own version of that song on Friday. Okay, maybe not since the original song still looks perfect for the occasion, but we'll think about it. Speaking of songs, why don't we save what we're gonna do for the movies for the opening segment on Friday?
Zachary: Sounds like a plan. Anything else about Glee Dan's new TikTok?
Meredith: A couple of things. Near the end, Glee Dan wears a black bikini top and water shorts kinda like the sports bra and running shorts women wear when they run. I'll wear those when we're at the pool with Lucy. And two, she's in Ocean City, New Jersey. Now, I mentioned two episodes ago that this show is a sequel to Meredith's New Jerseyan Life, but the thing is, both shows are very similar to each other with some differences of course.
Zachary: But you might be thinking: "doesn't Virginia have beaches for Glee Dan to go to instead"? Yes. But turns out, Glee Dan is still going to New Jersey every year no matter what.
Meredith: Goddamn it. Well, at least it's her vacation week and we and Beat don't know what days she works at Deloitte. She apparently does work out at a gym as evidenced by a selfie in the restroom and probably in the car. I'll wear the workout clothes Glee Dan wore in that post next Tuesday. "Fetish Fest" will be a f**king hot workout next week.
Zachary: I bet sexual thrusting is a hot workout for your body, sexy.
Meredith: You bet your ass it is. Anyway, now it's time to move on to the next segment.
===Cool Chuck 95000===
Cool Chuck 95000 Announcer: Cool Chuck 95000!
COOL CHUCK
95000
[Transition back to Zachary and Meredith]
Zachary: Lansing things up on "Cool Chuck 95000", the ZGL Theatre in Lansing, Michigan closed on Sunday and the Zachary & Meredith Bortz's location replacing it will reference the Chuck E. Cheese in that capital.
Meredith: It will open on February 1, 2025 alongside 12 other locations, those being Brockton, Massachusetts, Norwalk, California, Portland, Oregon, Rockledge, Florida, Roeland Park, Kansas, Sharonville, Ohio, Tinley Park, Illinois, Trappe, Maryland, Turkey, Texas, Twilight, Pennsylvania, Virginia Beach, Virginia and Wayne, New Jersey. Road Stages in certain states and 2-Stages that weren't in New Jersey or Florida are being referenced here. And speaking of Chuck E. Cheese: Cool Chuck 95000!
Cool Chuck 95000 Announcer: Cool Chuck!
COOL CHUCK!
===Stages, Restroom Signs and More===
Stages, Restroom Signs and More Announcer: Stages, Restroom Signs and More!
STAGES, RESTROOM
SIGNS AND MORE
[Transition back to Zachary and Meredith]
Zachary: Today's segment of "Stages, Restroom Signs and More", we'll be lucky to not talk about the bulls**t drama relating to the CEC fandom like we did the last two episodes. Instead, we'll talk about three legacy stores that had their grand re-opening dates announced recently. Reveal 'em, Mere!
Meredith: I'm on it, Zach. Here are the grand-reopening dates: First is Hicksville, New York on July 19th, then Springfield, Illinois on July 25th and finally Pineville Charlotte, North Carolina on July 26th. Nanuet, New York does not have one yet, but will update you on that. Speaking of updates, the location in Methuen, Massachusetts removed their Alpha last night as said in a MassLive article. Everett's Beta is still around, right? Wrong! Their Beta was also removed last night, same for Warwick, Rhode Island's Alpha. This means that Massachusetts is now bot-less and entirely 2.0ed, same for New England.
Zachary: That's right. Those f**king New Englander pussies motherf**king killed their...
Meredith: ...motherf**king animatronics.
Zachary and Meredith (both voice-overs): Jesus Chuck E. Christ!
JESUS
CHUCK E.
CHRIST
[An eyeless Chuck E. Cheese animatronic head appears on screen, shakes violently while we hear a man grunt a la Chuck E. Cheese and suddenly disappears. Transition back to Zachary and Meredith]
Zachary: On the plus side though, Jersey City, New Jersey got 2.0, keeping its bot-less Circles of Light. Which is good cause Circles of Light stages always stay during 2.0 remodels. They were replaced with the dance floor in two locations, but other than that, this stage is completely irreplaceable. But now onto some bad news in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania where Beat is going to be heading to at the end of the month. They recently got 2.0 on June 17.
Meredith: What the f**king s**t?
WHAT THE F**KING S**T
Zachary: A location in Hayward here in California removed their Beta too, but there's still one Beta left in Los Angeles. And with the removals of the Alphas in New England, that leaves 11 Alphas left in the world. Even Chuck E. himself is like "Damn, you guys are morons".
Meredith: If only Chuck E. Cheese animatronics could talk like that Mr. Potato Head animatronic in the queue of Toy Story Midway Mania can.
Zachary: I could imagine that happening too.
Meredith: But now it's time for the moment in this episode we've been waiting for. Lucy should be here soon so we're gonna meet her outside the front door. Let's end the segment. Stages, Restroom Signs and More!
Stages, Restroom Signs and More Announcer: Stages!
STAGES!
===Fetish Fest===
Fetish Fest Announcer (singing): Fetish Fest.
FETISH FEST
[Transition to Zachary, Meredith and Lucy.]
Zachary: Here's the part you've all been waiting to masturbate to. Today on "Fetish Fest", we're in our bedroom and we have Lucy, my former roommate until I moved out but despite that, we're still friends. Please welcome the birthday girl, Lucy Bortz.
Lucy: Hi everyone.
Zachary: So, Lucy, you ready for our threesome?
Lucy: You bet I am. [takes off her shoes, socks, shirt, pants, bikini top and bottom] How do I look?
Meredith: Whoa! Goddamn, your birthday suit is so beautiful.
Lucy: Thanks. I love hugging someone while I'm naked. It feels so good.
Zachary: We can do that after the threesome. Meredith, your turn to get into your f**king suit.
Meredith: What the f**k is a f**king suit, motherf**ker?
Lucy: Just get naked, you dips**t.
Meredith: All right, I'm doing it. [takes off her shoes, socks, shirt, pants, bikini top and bottom] Love my body, Lucy?
Lucy: Oh my god, I love it. You're as sexy as Pageturner.
Meredith: Thanks. You're a cute one, you know that?
Lucy: Everyone knows I have a cute face.
Zachary: I loved sleeping naked with her back when I shared a room with her. It felt really good. Speaking of which...[takes off his shoes, socks, shirt, pants and underwear and shows off his penis]...see my dick and balls?
[Meredith and Lucy's jaws drop]
Lucy: Oh my f**king god!
Meredith: That's my husband.
Zachary: If I have to show off my dick and balls, I'll f**king do it. But I'll need a condom to cover my dick before the threesome.
Meredith: I'll get one from your drawer. [walks to Zachary's condom drawer, opens it, takes a condom out, closes the drawer and walks to Zachary and hands him the condom] Here you go.
Zachary: Thanks. [places the condom on his penis] Now, on with the threesome. We'll have it on the floor. Place a blanket on it and I'll lay my back on it. [Meredith places a blanket on the floor] Perfect. [lays his back on the blanket] Meredith, place your vagina on my condom-covered penis. You'll be the thruster. Lucy, place your vagina in my mouth.
[Meredith and Lucy sit on where they were told to place their vaginas on and hold hands]
Meredith: Ready to hear my moans, Lucy?
Lucy: Ready.
Meredith: All right. Here goes.
[Meredith thrusts against Zachary fifteen times and moans each time then pants]
Lucy (smiling): I love you, Meredith.
Meredith (smiling): I love you too, Lucy.
[Zachary begins to give Lucy oral sex. She moans]
Lucy (continuing to moan): Oh my god, that feels good. [she continues to moan]
Meredith: Yeah, orgasming feels really good especially during pillow humping.
Lucy: I love pillow humping too. I do it when I'm lonely in the middle of the night.
Meredith: I do that too. How are you doing under there, Zach?
[Lucy takes her vagina out of Zachary's mouth.]
Zachary: I think I've had enough pussy to eat.
[Meredith and Lucy laugh]
Lucy (as she stands up): Oh Zach, we love you.
Zachary: I love you ladies too. Meredith, help me up.
Meredith: On it. [grabs Zachary's hands and they stand up]
Lucy: That was a good birthday threesome. I'm gonna head to the Indians after the pool and rub my pussy against Pageturner's. I need more sexual moans while I'm there.
Meredith: You sure are one cute sexy motherf**ker.
Lucy: That's what everyone calls me. Can we hug naked?
Meredith: Zach?
Zachary: You ladies can go ahead. I'm gonna be in the bathroom throwing away my used condom and then changing into my water clothes.
Meredith: Thanks, Zach.
Zachary: You're welcome, honey. Enjoy. [heads into the bathroom and closes the door]
Lucy: Ready, Mere?
Meredith: Ready.
[They hug]
Lucy (whispering): Your boobs and belly feel really good, Meredith.
Meredith (whispering): Same here, Lucy.
[Cut to the bathroom, where Zachary, already in his water clothes is listening to Lucy and Meredith's romance]
Zachary (soft-spoken): Oh. So that's why Lucy wanted to naked hug Meredith. [pulls down his water shorts to urinate in the toilet] Oh yeah...
[Cut to the bedroom, where Lucy and Meredith are still hugging]
Lucy: Meredith.
Meredith: Yes, Lucy?
Lucy: Your husband's using the toilet.
[The toilet is being flushed. Lucy and Meredith let go of each other]
Meredith: So what? If he has to pee, he has to pee.
[Zachary knocks on the bathroom door]
Zachary (from behind the bathroom door): Ladies? You done touching each other's breasts and bellies yet?
Meredith: Yep. We're done, Zach.
Lucy: Your wife said you had to pee-pee. [she and Meredith snicker]
Zachary (from behind the bathroom door): Can I come out now? I'm in my water clothes now.
Meredith: Yes, you can come out now.
[Zachary comes out of the bathroom]
Zachary: You two can use the bathroom to change into your bikinis.
Lucy: Mine's right on the floor. I'll put it on now. [does that] Viola.
Meredith: Love it, Lucy. Especially the blue color on it.
Lucy: Thanks. Wore it last spring.
Zachary: Meredith, here are your black water shorts you mentioned you would wear today.
Meredith: Thanks, Zach. Let me put my top and bottom back on and then I'll put on the shorts. [does those] Pretty athletic, huh?
Lucy: Agreed. Too bad Allie doesn't show her sexy belly button when wearing a bikini. Probably cause she fears of getting body-shamed like a fat ass but we all know she's not fat, she just has a sexy amount of belly fat like Mopslinger.
Zachary: Wow. No wonder women gain so much weight. Losing weight is probably gonna be bulls**t for our sex lives. Unless you have a skinny body that's perfect for sex.
Lucy: Maybe you should get a skinny sex doll.
[Zachary bursts out laughing]
Zachary: Yeah, right. Like I would stick my dick up her plastic ass and pussy. [laughs a little more then sighs] Anyway, that is the end of our "Fetish Fest" segment for today. Off to the pool we go. See you there!
Fetish Fest Announcer (singing): Fetish Fest.
FETISH FEST
===Friend Hangouts===
Friend Hangouts Announcer (singing): Friend Hangouts.
FRIEND HANGOUTS
[Transition to Zachary, Meredith and Lucy at the pool.]
Meredith: On a new non-weekly segment known as "Friend Hangouts", we, well, hang out with friends. This segment is not like "Weasels, Cargo Shorts or Sheep?" from the first episode where we interviewed Ainsley about Michael Jackson and his personal physician, Conrad Murray, but rather just chat about a certain topic. Today, we don't really have a topic to talk about. I'm just here for a swim while Zach and Lucy hang out and watch me. In I go.
[Meredith waddles into the pool. Zachary and Lucy watch her swim]
Zachary: I love watching my wife swim.
Lucy: Has she skinny dipped before?
Zachary: She has in the lake between the house of Ainsley, Alex, Kate and Mallory and the other of Grace, Madison and Grappleslinger. You?
Lucy: Never done it. Is that lake the only one we know where ladies can skinny dip?
Zachary: I think so.
[Meredith swims to the side of the pool where Zachary and Lucy are watching her]
Meredith: Speaking of skinny dipping, Madison has the best f**king skinny dipping body.
Zachary: Why? Is it because she's tall and has the legs of a giraffe?
Meredith: Maybe. Alex skinny dips because she's blonde-haired. Madison probably skinny dips for the same reason.
Lucy: Ainsley and Alex are so cute together, you know that? Kaia and Lydia f**king love Alex.
Zachary: They are cute together. Lesbian couples are the best at a couple things: one, f**king, two, touching each other's toplessness and three, comforting people when they're sad.
Lucy: The comforting part, I love. It kinda doesn't help that you're not in my room anymore, Zach.
Zachary: Being naked comforts your own self, doesn't it?
Lucy: It does. By rubbing my pussy against my bed sheets or my pillow.
Meredith: That's what I would do too. And I used to do that at Lexia's place before I moved here and Shea took my bedroom.
Zachary: I guess masturbation does help with a woman's sadness.
Meredith: It sure does, Zach. By the way, I'm done swimming for today.
Zachary: Ready to head home?
Meredith: Yep.
Lucy: I'll be heading home too. Let's head back to your place so I can pick up my clothes that I left there.
Meredith: Let me just get out of this pool and dry myself off.
[Meredith gets out of the pool, walks to Zachary and Lucy, Zachary hands Meredith a towel and she dries off]
Lucy: Well, my time here on your show is done.
Zachary: I guess that means today's "Friend Hangouts" segment has concluded. Lucy Bortz, everybody.
Lucy: Hope you guys enjoyed that threesome cause we did.
Meredith: What she said. We'll meet you guys back at the house to do the main segment and end today's episode. See you there!
Friend Hangouts Announcer (singing): Friend Hangouts.
FRIEND HANGOUTS
===Main Segment===
Main Segment Announcer (singing): Main Segment.
MAIN SEGMENT
[Transition to Zachary and Meredith, who are in their pajamas]
Zachary: For today's main segment, we have a couple of questions to ask regarding what we'll be doing for movies. First question: the weekly segments. When will we do those? We'll do those after a song. We'll have five songs to sing in movies.
Meredith: Next question. Are non-weekly segments gonna be in movies? Yes. In fact, all of them will. Remember, with Chuck E. Cheese and Dave & Buster's, we'll talk about a certain state or country with locations of the two chains. If we don't get any updates, that is. We'll still do "What Are Beat and Glee Dan Up To?" by just checking in on Beat and Glee Dan even if they hadn't done anything between the episode and the movie. "Year Recap" will obviously not be included unless the movie comes after the season finale.
Zachary: Next question. What's the first segment in each of the 5 parts gonna be called? That depends on the topic. Friday we'll be talking about The Guy Game, an adult party game that was banned for showing a then-17-year-old girl's breasts. We'll talk more about that Friday. Speaking of segment names, the song segment names depend on the song we're gonna sing in that segment.
Meredith: The show's movies are gonna be like the movies of Meredith's New Jerseyan Life. The same concept being the only thing in common. And that is our show for today. We hope you enjoyed Lucy's time with us as well as the whole episode. Friday will be a great day for both of us when that day comes and we hope you look forward to it too. Trust me, you're gonna want to know about The Guy Game just listening to us about it.
Zachary: She's right. We have all the knowledge about that game and we hope that you do too. Zachary and Meredith Bortz, your hosts of Memes of Truth with Zachary & Meredith Bortz signing off. We'll see you all Friday for Memes of Truth's first movie.
Main Segment Announcer (singing): Main Segment.
MAIN SEGMENT
Closing Logos
*2021 MGM Television logo
*2021 Hulu Originals closing logo
Category:Zachary, Grace and Lexia
Category:Memes of Truth with Zachary & Meredith Bortz Episode Transcripts