Duel Personalities

is a Quest in Final Fantasy XIV: A Realm Reborn.
==Journal==
* The deputy postmoogle would have you deliver a demand for satisfaction to a drunken, fractious pirate. What could possibly go wrong? Anselm, the cutthroat in question, has been seen loitering around Limsa Lominsa's lower decks.
* Anselm's long-simmering feud with Fiebras has come to a head, and you have been appointed arbiter of their final showdown. He flies to the Drowning Wench to confront Fiebras, and bids you follow him forthwith, lest he should be forced to settle the squabble with steel.
* The cantankerous couple would have you be the arbiter not of a duel, but a dispute. Both claim to have discovered ladies whose charms eclipse their former tavern wench of choice, but whose taste is better? There's only one way to find out: follow Fiebras to Bulwark Hall to evaluate his claim.
* Fiebras nominates the tourist information twins of Bulwark Hall as his exemplars of feminine grace. Have a heart-to-heart with N'delika to see what all the fuss is about.
* It seems the winsome sisters are more than they let on. As undercover Yellowjackets, they defend the realm from undesirable elements─one Fiebras the Dull included. Return to Fiebras to relate the happy news.
* Being the victim of a covert espionage operation was not enough to sway Fiebras's convictions, but Anselm is further emboldened. He bids you accompany him to Fisherman's Bottom to survey the object of his own infatuation.
* Anselm wishes to draw your attention to stately Sisipu, jewel of the Lalafells. He urges you to speak with her, and bask in her glory.
* Sisipu, materfamilias of Fisherman's Bottom, gives you some sage advice to curb Anselm's competitive streak. Will these wise words be enough to put an end to all this silly bother?
* Anselm, the eternal agonist, is not so easily dissuaded by Sisipu's attempted appeasement. In fact, it seems to have only strengthened his resolve. The disputatious duo head to the docks to await your final judgment.
* Just as you are about to deliver your verdict, the flighty pirates' affections are captivated by the brusque charms of Captain Rhoswen, leader of the Sanguine Sirens. And though their budding hopes are swiftly crushed, the heartbroken heroes pledge to follow Rhoswen down the pirate path. Henceforth, they will settle their feuds not with rational argument, but with a few swift knocks in the kisser. If you are ever of a mind to witness “pirate justice” firsthand, you have an open invitation to Candlekeep Quay, where the truculent twosome will be drinking, wenching, and settling scores until somebody loses an eye.
==Objectives==
* Deliver the challenge to Anselm.
* Speak with Anselm in the Drowning Wench.
* Speak with Fiebras in Bulwark Hall.
* Speak with N'delika.
* Report back to Fiebras.
* Speak with Anselm in Fisherman's Bottom.
* Speak with Sisipu.
* Report back to Anselm.
* Speak with Anselm by the docks.
==Script==
script 	script
 	
Lettermoogle 	Why, if it isn't my obedient slav─um, trusted assistant! Back for more? I've got something a little more demanding for you this time... It's nothing less than a demand for satisfaction, kupo!
Lettermoogle 	That's right! Fiebras the Dull wants a duel with Anselm Larkscall─to the death, no doubt. They're a pair of the most barnacle-brained pirates that ever got washed ashore. They're always cracking each other's heads open over something or other down in Candlekeep Quay.
Lettermoogle 	When Anselm's at a loose end─which is the majority of the time─you'll find him loitering around Limsa Lominsa. So go and say hello, and make sure he gets Fiebras's challenge. And don't forget─a prudent postperson always sees his mission through to the bitter end. Good luck, kupo!
 	
Lettermoogle 	Ours is not to reason why, my dear. If Fiebras wants to send his gauntlets by post, it is a postmoogle's duty to deliver them! ...Or to delegate the task to a passing lackey. You're sure to find Anselm loitering somewhere around Limsa Lominsa.
 	
Anselm 	We are the 'earty pirates, we sail the stormy seas!♪
With bird muck on our shoulders, and woodworm on our knees!♪
Anselm 	Ye got business with me, lass/lad? If I owe ye coin, come back when these fellers are done tusslin', and I'm done drinkin'...whenever that may be, har har!
Anselm 	...What in the seven 'ells? “I've found meself some new women what make that ale wench look like a puddle of puke. Ye can keep 'er fer all I care. You and 'er was made fer each other!” Fiebras, ye blowhard bastard! Thinks I'm goin' to take that lyin' down, does 'e!?
Anselm 	There's a wench down in Candlekeep Quay me and 'im been scrappin' over fer a while now. Ain't like she's a knockout or nothin', but a puddle of puke? The dog's got a nerve... Anyroad, I know a woman what'll blow these wenches of 'is out the water!
 	
Anselm 	We'll be needin' an arbiter fer our little shindig. Think yer up to the task, lass/lad? I bet ye gold to guano the scurvy cur'll be hidin' 'is head in the Drownin' Wench. Ye best come quick, or ye'll be moppin' up 'is lily liver with a bar mat!
 	
Fiebras 	Ye think yer woman's better than mine? Yer blind, man! What 'appened to ye? Did ye catch a glimpse of that ugly mug of yers in a mirror?
Anselm 	Ye got 'ere just in time, lass/lad. Any more of this contemptible sneak's shite and I'd've gutted 'im like the minnow 'e is.
Fiebras 	So you're the arbiter this bilge rat told me about. Good day to ye, lass/lad. The name's Fiebras. There's some as call me Fiebras the Dull, but don't let the name fool ye─me wits're as sharp as me blade. And they tell me there ain't no woman better'n mine!
Fiebras 	I've been tryin' to knock some sense into Anselm's thick skull down in Candlekeep Quay, but every time some meddlin' plank comes chargin' in, stickin' their nose where it ain't wanted.
Fiebras 	So this time we ain't fightin' with fists, but with facts! And as the only sober one between us, s'only fair you decide who's right, and who's talkin' out their arse.
Fiebras 	Alright then, me first! I'll show ye the apples of me eyes─a pair of Miqo'te beauties what'll put 'airs on yer chest! Follow me down to Bulwark Hall, and I'll take me winnin's!
 	
Anselm 	Argh! Be still me beatin' 'eart! Get an 'old of yerself, Anselm... Don't let these sirens tempt ye!
Fiebras 	Ain't that a sight fer bloodshot eyes! Can't say the same meself, but you ain't seein' double─there really are two of 'em. Wrap your peepers 'round the Miqo'te twins and tell me there ain't no gods.
Fiebras 	Right after the Calamity, it was... A terrible tempest struck up, and drove me ship against the rocks. Next thing I knew, the boilin' waves were draggin' me under. I woke up with an 'ead full of snakes, a mouth full of sand, and a pair of bright voices ringin' in me ears.
Fiebras 	Aye, 'twas the Miqo'te twins brought me back from the long sleep. Not that I knew it at the time, mark ye─one look at that coral 'air, that glowin' skin, and those eyes you could drown a coeurl in, and I reckoned I was swimmin' with the angels.
Fiebras 	Five years it's been since last I saw 'em, but guess what? They remember me! 'Ere I was, tryin' to get up the guts to go over to 'em, and what do ye know? They call me over, ask me 'ow I'm doin'...
A pair of tender-'earted beauties like them givin' the time of day to a sunbaked scoundrel like me─tell me them Miqo'te ain't 'eaven-sent!
Fiebras 	Go on, lass/lad─go and bend their ears. It ain't every day ye get to see charms like that up close and personal─not on piratin' coin, anyroad.
Fiebras 	Go on, lass/lad, go and bend their ears. It ain't every day ye get to see charms like that up close and personal─not on piratin' coin, anyroad.
 	
Ndelika 	Welcome to Limsa Lominsa! If there's aught we can assist you with, feel free to ask. For instance...if you needed to be relieved from the attentions of a pair of recalcitrant pirates?
Ntanmo 	You see, we might look all sweetness and light, but we're actually fully fledged Yellowjackets! We're stationed here in Bulwark Hall not only to offer invaluable tourist information, but to keep an eye on certain...undesirable elements, who might disturb the peace in our fair city.
Ndelika 	Fiebras, the gentleman you were just speaking with, is a person of interest to our organization, and is under constant observation.
Ntanmo 	Several times of late, we've seen him lurking in the shadows, staring at us...waiting for his chance to strike! We generally deal with him simply by calling him over─a little informal interrogation rather tends to interfere with his nefarious schemes.
 	
Ndelika 	Fiebras, the gentleman you were just speaking with, is a person of interest to our organization, and is under constant observation. You would do well to watch your back around him.
Ntanmo 	Several times of late, we've noticed Fiebras lurking in the shadows, staring at us...waiting for his chance to strike! We generally deal with him simply by calling him over─a little informal interrogation rather tends to interfere with his nefarious schemes.
 	
Anselm 	Back from yer little chat, are ye? I saw ye makin' merry with those two temptresses. What in the seven 'ells were ye laughin' about?
Fiebras 	Tell me, lass/lad, ain't I right? Ain't they the most perfect creatures ye've ever set yer eyes on?
Fiebras 	...Wh-What!? I'm under surveillance? Ye mean...they weren't flirtin' with me? They were questionin' me!?
Anselm 	Gwaaahahaha! Ye thought a pair of Miqo'te lovelies like them'd pay 'eed to a grisly sight like you? Best stick to yer own kind─there's plenty more bottom-feeders in the sea!
Fiebras 	Shut yer rotten bilge 'ole! Aye, they might've...misled me, but they did it fer a damned good reason. That attentiveness, that sense of duty... There ain't no woman beats the Miqo'te twins!
Anselm 	Ha! Listen to that─the pitiful quaverin' of a beached whale! Ye've been 'ad, boy. Follow me down to Fisherman's Bottom and I'll show ye what beats a couple of double-dealin' Miqo'te.
 	
Fiebras 	There ain't no woman beats the twins, but that little Lalafell runs 'em bleedin' close. Such presence... Such dignity...
Anselm 	There ye are, lass/lad. Time to settle this little barney once and fer all─I give ye Sisipu, a bleedin' paragon of womankind!
Anselm 	Back in me piratin' days, the cap'n sent me to the markets 'ere to fence our ill-gotten gains. Thing is, none of these crooked dealers'd give me fair coin fer the loot our boys'd spilt their guts for. Well, me blood boiled over. Foamin' at the mouth I was, and 'urlin' oaths like the broadside of a galleon.
Anselm 	That's when Sisipu stepped in. Men twice her size are cowerin' in fear, but she squares right up to me, a ragin' pirate in full cry. “Don't be a baby!” she says. “Get a grip!” she says. Fair shook me to the core, it did. If any scoundrel should even think about doin' Sisipu down, I'll fetch 'em a punch up the bracket!
Anselm 	Don't believe me? Go and see fer yerself, lass/lad. One moment with Sisipu and ye'll be a changed woman/man ever after!
 	
Anselm 	“Don't be a baby!” she says. “Get a grip!” she says. Fair shook me to the core, it did. If any scoundrel should even think about doin' Sisipu down, I'll fetch 'em a punch up the bracket!
 	
Sisipu 	Welcome back, [Player Name]! Caught any more marlins lately? ...What, Anselm sent you? What's that belligerent boy up to this time?
Sisipu 	Hello again, [Player Name]. What's the matter? Have you got your tackle in a twist? ...You say Anselm sent you? What's that belligerent boy up to this time?
Sisipu 	What can I do you for? Don't tell me─Anselm sent you. I can see him lurking over there, snickering. He never was one for subtlety.
Sisipu 	Ha! So he's got you choosing between me and those Miqo'te twins up in Bulwark Hall? The silly sod's always squabbling over something.
Sisipu 	You tell him from me that he's got the whole thing topsy-turvy. Much as I'm pleased to be put on a pedestal, there's no way of judging when it comes to matters of taste. After all, it's like they say─one man's marlin is another man's mudskipper.
Sisipu 	The world's like a ship. You've got your captain, your mates, your bosuns, your deckhands... Everyone's got their own talents, their own skills. You'll be a long time looking for a sailor who can run the whole boat on his own.
 	
Sisipu 	The world's like a ship. You've got your captain, your mates, your bosuns, your deckhands... Everyone's got their own talents, their own skills. You'll be a long time looking for a sailor who can run the whole boat on his own.
 	
Fiebras 	She ain't 'alf got some presence for a shrimp. The Miqo'te twins are my idea of angels, but Sisipu's pretty 'eavenly 'erself...
Anselm 	Ye did it, ye lucky bugger! Ye talked with Sisipu! So...'ow was it? Is yer life changed forever?
Anselm 	...There's no way of judgin'? Everyone's got their own talents? Well, blow smoke up me arse and call me a kipper! If that ain't the most wisest thing I've 'eard in all me life. That settles it─Sisipu beats them twins 'ands down!
Fiebras 	Alright, that's enough. Time fer ye to make up yer mind, arbiter. But not 'ere─it ain't fair what with Sisipu right there in yer face. Let's move over to the docks, then ye can give us yer verdict.
Anselm 	This is what I've been waitin' fer! Time to wipe that smirk off Fiebras's face! Come and let us know when ye've made yer decision.
 	
Fiebras 	It's finally time to put our squabble to bed. Prepare to eat yer words, Anselm─my twins knock your fishwife into a cocked 'at!
Anselm 	'Ere it is, then─the moment of truth. Come on, lass/lad, put us out of our misery.
Fiebras 	Tell us, arbiter─which of us 'as the right of it? Is Sisipu the best, or the Miqo'te twins?
Rhoswen 	Out o' me way, scrags, or ye'll feel me jackboot on yer scrawny necks! This ain't no place fer idle chitchat─get down the market with the other gossipin' fishwives!
Fiebras 	Cap'n Rhoswen!
Rhoswen 	Well, if it ain't a pair o' washed-up pirates... Listen 'ere, boys─if anyone tells ye to quit yer drinkin', an' yer wenchin', an' yer brawlin'─give 'em a cuff from me, or I'll keelhaul ye meself! Once a pirate, always a pirate!
Rhoswen 	Ye build up yer scores on deck, then settle 'em onshore─that's pirate justice! Don't stand around bickerin'─let yer fists do the talkin'!
Fiebras 	...My gods, what a woman! Like a gulp of grog to a shipwrecked sailor, she is. All this time I've been pinin' after them twins, I took me eyes off the real treasure!
Anselm 	Aye, Sisipu's many things, but she sure as 'ells ain't an 'ard-drinkin', 'ard-fightin' pirate cap'n. Follow 'er to the bottom of the ocean, I would!
Carvallain 	I'm sorry to intrude on your little daydreams, but I really must advise you to come to your senses.
Carvallain 	The only thing a boorish harridan like her would give you is a nice collection of lumps to decorate those thick skulls of yours.
Fiebras 	C-Cap'n Carvallain!?
Anselm 	What in the seven 'ells? Rhoswen, and now Carvallain... It's like a cap'n's convention 'round 'ere!
Rhoswen 	Oi, Carvallain, ye stinkin' scrote! What're ye sayin' about me?
Carvallain 	Nothing, my dear. Simply removing the scales from these poor fellows' eyes. Mark my words, gentlemen: an animal starved of affection grows desperate, and in its desperation, dangerous.
Rhoswen 	Hey! Who're ye callin' desperate!? I could 'ave any man I want! The fools're queuin' up from 'ere to Thanalan to try their luck with me, and not one of 'em's fit to lick me boots!
Fiebras 	So that's 'ow it is... I should've known a goddess like her wouldn't look twice at a second-rate deck scrubber like me. Not when there's a livin' legend like Cap'n Carvallain around.
Carvallain 	Now, now, my good man─I think we have a most grievous misunderstanding...
Anselm 	Aaargh, I'm as green as a goblin! What I wouldn't give to be a pirate king, off to a secret ron-day-voo with me corsair queen. Like somethin' out of a faerie tale, it is!
Carvallain 	A r-rendezvous!? Have you lost your mind, man? I do believe I've wasted quite enough time with you imbeciles. I have important business to attend to.
Fiebras 	<sigh> I thought I'd finally found the woman of me dreams, but all I got was a rude awakenin'. Maybe yer right, Anselm─maybe I'm better off stickin' to me own kind...
Anselm 	Aye, when ye got competition like that, ye don't stand a chance. Sisipu's right─there ain't no point chasin' after the perfect woman. I reckon I'll take another crack at me ale wench─it ain't so bad wakin' up with a puddle of puke if ye've 'ad a good night out.
Fiebras 	Your ale wench? Ye beef-witted barnacle─that wench is mine! Let's take a leaf out of Cap'n Rhoswen's book, and settle this with our fists!
Anselm 	Once a pirate, always a pirate!
Anselm 	Thanks fer all yer 'elp, lass/lad. It's 'igh time we were 'eadin' back to Candlekeep Quay─come down if ye ever want to see pirate justice in action. Until then, fair winds to ye, and godsspeed.
Anselm 	We are the 'earty pirates, we sail the stormy seas!♪
With bird muck on our shoulders, and woodworm on our knees!♪
Quest complete.	Quest complete.
Category:Side Story Quests in Final Fantasy XIV