Contagious

Steven had always been the class clown. We had been friends since kindergarten. You can imagine a short, chubby, fair skinned boy with red curly hair and freckles and you had an idea of what Steven Polanski looked like. He was picked on a lot, mainly because of his weight. I have never been one to judge people for how they look and I guess he clung to that. He didn’t have many real friends but that didn’t stop him from trying. He would find any way possible to make you laugh, even if it was at someone else’s expense. I always warned him that it would get him in trouble one day but it took experiencing it first-hand for him to believe me.
The problem started the summer before our senior year. Steven and I had been looking through the bins of a secondhand store. Neither of us came from homes with any real money and most of our prized possessions would come from places like this. We had just finished perusing a stack of movies. He and I where fans of hokey horror movies. The kinds that went straight to video instead of blasting the big screen. So far we had a collection between us of about fifty films, and were always looking for more. 
When we exited, six new movies in hand, Steven pointed out an old lady that was sitting on the bus bench. She was hunched over slightly with a thick coat covering most of her frame. Most of her facial features where hidden at the moment by a kerchief that tied just under her chin. She was intent on the task of feeding the pigeons bird seed from her little paper bag. She paid no mind to Steven as he crept up behind her.
I waved my hands and mouthed the word, “No,” but Steven ignored me and revealed a paper bag of his own. He pressed the wrinkled brown bag against his lips and exhaled, filling it like a balloon. Then held the open end closed with his right hand and clapped his left down on it quickly. BANG! The lady jumped wildly, bird seed flew everywhere and the birds scattered from the noise. She slid from the bench and her head spun around to see Steven laughing manically and pointing down at the woman. 
I shook my head and tried to pretend I didn’t know this person for a moment. The lady pressed her hand to her chest, still shaking from the incident. Then slowly she rose to her feet and reached a frail hand upward to her head covering. She pulled it back and when her eyes met Steven’s his laughter stopped abruptly. Her face was weathered by time but her eyes are what made regret rise up in my friend’s throat. They were glassy, graying, and if she could see anything at all she was peering into the depths of Steven’s soul.
Steven stammered for a moment and before he could apologize the woman spoke, “Do you think it’s funny to scare an old blind lady?”
Steven started to shake his head in a reply but smacked himself across the forehead for the stupidity of his action, “No…no no…I am so sorry. I didn’t know you were blind!”
The lady curled her lips around jagged and blackened teeth, “So, you wouldn’t feel bad if I wasn’t blind?” 
Again, Steven stammered and took a step back as he felt her bony finger press against his chest. 
“I bet you think you are a real funny guy,” she scowled, “I bet all your friends think you are such a riot!” 
She poked him with every word of her rant and Steven continued to back up. She followed every step until the boy was pinned against the wall of the store we had just exited. She stopped, lowered her hand and her mouth formed the largest smile I had ever seen. It was almost frightening with so much gum line and so little teeth. 
“How about this?” she proposed, “What if every time you made someone laugh you hurt them?” Steven’s brow line squinted in confusion. She nodded quickly, “Yes, I think that will do just fine.” She plucked a hair from Steven’s head and tucked it down in her pocket.
The little woman laughed a bit then looked over at me with a wink before turning to walk down the sidewalk. I slowly approached Steven as he stood there rubbing at the spot on his chest where he had been poked. “I told you that one day you were going to get it pulling those pranks,” I scolded. Steven stared after the lady until she had rounded the corner out of sight.
“I honestly didn’t know she was blind, man,” he said. I reminded him that it didn’t matter and that she was an old lady. He just brushed it off and suggested we get on back to his place to check out our new finds. I sighed and agreed before turning toward our bikes. Steven’s house was only about a mile away and we would just ride down here after getting off the bus.
It wouldn’t be long before we were buried in his couch, covered in soda and popcorn with a black and white horror fest playing on his T.V. We watched two of them before I noticed the time. It was closing on nine o’clock and my mom usually wanted me home before ten on a school night. We said our goodbyes and as I walked out the door I reminded him not be scaring anymore old ladies. He laughed slightly, “Yeah, right!”
The following day when Steven plopped down next to me on the bus he didn’t say much. This was completely out of character for him. He always had something to say, so I questioned his silence. He just shook his head and said, “Not feeling myself today.” That seemed odd but maybe he was getting sick. I slid over a bit.
“Just don’t give it to me man. I have that final in chemistry,” I said with a slight laugh. He shook his head and promised me it wasn’t anything like that. We ended up riding the rest of the way to school with nothing much said between us. 
When we arrived Steven got off the bus first and just as he went to step down from the doorway he found himself falling. Now, I never saw him step into anything but later he would swear something tripped him. He landed hard on the concrete unloading zone. The only thing that kept him from busting his nose was both palms pressed out in front of him. Several of our school mates where witnesses to the event and the crowd erupted with laughter. Steven slowly got to his feet and brushed the dust from his jeans. He looked around and feigned appreciation. He gave a slight bow and smirked as if he had intended to bring them joy with this antic. 
Then I witnessed something strange. They just kept laughing. After a few minutes my friend’s arms lowered and his smile turned into a grimace. He looked over at me confused and I could only return the expression. We tried to ignore it and continue on inside but they kept laughing. They even followed him through the doors, still a riot.
Steven stopped at the entryway and yelled out, “ENOUGH! I GET IT! I’M NOT FUNNY!” We continued on toward our first classes, which Steven and I didn’t share. I told him I would see him again at lunch and he nodded.
Normally we went through the lunch line together but Steven hadn’t made it by the time I arrived. I was starving and couldn’t wait. I figured he could find me when he decided to grace me with his presence. I was halfway through my pizza when his tray plopped down on the table, half of his meal escaping the plastic plate. I looked up at him to see he was fuming, “You alright man?”
“Someone has to be playing some kind of joke on me,” he started, “Every single person from this morning is still laughing at me!”
I almost wanted to laugh myself but with how upset Steven seemed to be I knew it wouldn’t be a good idea. “That can’t be possible,” I suggested, “Maybe they just start laughing again when they see you. Ignore them. They are jerks anyway.” He sighed and finally sat down.
“Maybe you’re right. Maybe they are just trying to get to me but I swear it’s starting to piss me off,” he huffed before grabbing a piece of fried chicken from his plate. I tried to change the subject by asking him if we were still meeting up after school to watch some more of our horror flicks but our conversation was cut short. 
The intercom just above us screeched to life and a member of the office staff was paging for the nurse. They asked that she return to her office immediately. Soon the chubby little blonde that tended to the sick children of our high school scuttled passed and forced her way through the double doors. We barely regarded the act and went back to talking until we were forced to leave for our afternoon classes. We enjoyed these far better than the morning ones because we actually shared both of them together.
During our trip to our third period we passed the nurse'ss door. A young brunette girl sat in the waiting area just inside, her hands covering her mouth and giggles erupting from underneath. “This is bullshit,” Steven remarked. I was confused until I realized that she had been one of the witnesses to his early morning kiss with the concrete. I was about to say something wise to calm him down when I noticed the red viscous liquid seeping between the girl's fingers.
My eyes widened a bit and even though Steven was still ranting about how big of an asshole all these people were I was more focused on the girl. I stared as blood dripped down from the back of her hand and dotted the floor. I caught the look in her eye and even though she was laughing continuously they spoke of fear. They were wide, bloodshot, and filled with tears. I took a step toward the door when the nurse noticed me watching. The door shut between myself and the girl before I could question it.
Steven and I continued to class. When I sat down beside him I told him about the girl. He didn’t believe me for a second and actually thought I had decided to jump on the ‘Make Fun of Steven Train’. I promised him I was telling the truth but he just huffed and turned away from me. He didn’t want to say much to me the rest of the day and even though he was a good friend I needed some quiet to process what I had seen anyway.
Could you really laugh so much you bled? The thought just circled around in my head and before I knew it the day was over. We gathered our things and when we went for the bus Steven sat away from me. I think he felt betrayed by his only real friend and I wasn’t sure how to convince him I wasn’t kidding. When we reached his stop he simply leaned over to me and said, “I don’t feel like watching movies tonight.”
The next few weeks we barely spoke. I would find Steven leaned against a locker speaking to people he barely knew. I felt like he was trying to find a replacement for me. Most people just regarded him as a freak though, and I was afraid he wouldn’t have much luck. I really should have been more afraid of what his efforts would cause. I think he tried just being friendly at first but when those tactics didn’t work he resorted back to trying to make them laugh. It had never worked before, no matter how funny he could be but maybe he could make a new friend. I wasn’t completely against him having more friends. I just didn’t realize the cost.
The first person I noticed Steven talking to was a kid we shared art class with. I guess he figured if the guy was also interested in art he couldn’t be too much of a douche bag. Steven chimed in with a few quips about Van Gogh and his lack of an ear. I had heard it before and I cringed at the thought of him repeating it to anyone who couldn’t humor him and to my surprise the boy began to laugh.
It was a quiet giggle at first that rose to a crescendo of mania. The boy barely paused to breath and after a few minutes it seemed forced. His eyes got wide and seemed to say that he wanted to stop, but he didn’t. He just kept chuckling away and soon he ran from the room. Steven seemed pissed but I followed the boy down the hall. He went straight for the nurse’s station. I stood there and watched the nurse curse, “Not another one!” The door shut again before I received any answer.
After a month half of the population of our grade had simply disappeared. Rumors swirled around the campus about abductions, murders, and mass suicides. The kind of gossip only teenagers seem to come up with. What most people hadn’t seemed to piece together was that each one of these people had come in contact with the humor of Steven Polanski. I, however, had been keeping notes. 
They didn’t all bleed from the mouth either. I found out that Serena Popovich had a brain aneurysm and died during a fit of hysterics when Steven suggested they go on a date. She was a cheerleader after-all and it was a bit of a stretch but there was no reason to laugh. If she only knew it would be the end of her she might not have.
The problem became exponentially worse in groups. Even if they hadn’t heard Steven’s poorly worded joke, even a passerby would become trapped by the laughter of our classmate. The sound of it began a chain of laughter that encroached everyone within ear shot. Soon large groups of people were rushing through the nurse’s door and before I knew it she was overwhelmed.
I’m not sure when they decided to quarantine the school but I am pretty sure it had something to do with the homecoming dance. I was never into things like that but if local lore is true Steven made an appearance and he was one of the few students to survive the horrendous ordeal. There is a lot to the story but let’s just say the room was covered in blood-filled vomit by ten o’clock.
I haven’t seen Steven since they sent us all home about a week ago but he has started texting me. He was begging me to come hang out. He needed a friend right now. If his text was true, his father started to chuckle at an off-handed comment Steven had made. An hour later he had a massive heart attack. The doctors were unable to revive him. Steven seems to believe me now and every message asks me to forgive him. Even though I am usually good about humoring him, I think I might pass this time.
Category:Weird
Category:L0CKED334