Nostalgia/Transcript

The following is a transcript of "Nostalgia", an 116th episode of comedy web series A Dose of Buckley.
==Transcript==
I'm on Twitter the other day, and I somehow come across this tweet from some fucking knob-lick.
"New music is nothing compared to the classics!"
That's correct, a lot more work went into Beethoven's Symphonies than into Ke$ha's last album. Oh wait, no, that's not what he means, there's more.
"Sum 41, Bowling For Soup, AAR (I assume he means All American Rejects), Billy Talent, Goo Goo Dolls, WHAT HAPPENED GOD DAMNIT"
What happened? People thankfully stopped bying shitty pop-punk, so these groups became less popular.
Though, I guess if I've had to label The Goo Goo Dolls something, it'd be puss-rock, which is still very much alive and well. Just ask Fun. and The Lumineers.
But this...Classics!
Only one of those groups was founded in the eighties, the rest in the mid-nineties, and every single one of these bands really only became known in the late nineties to early 2000's. Classics!
Why don't you just go find Bach's grave and take a shit on it while you're at it?
Even if you're using a more modern definition of a "classic", a car has to be thirty years old to be called a "classic". So, based on that, songs from 1983 or earlier could be called "classics" right now. I find it disturbing to think that we could legitimately call "The Safety Dance" a "classic", but based on this kid's opinion, a goddamn 94 Civic and Green Day's "When I Come Around" are classics.
I believe all of these artists are pretty much still active, too, they just don't enjoy the same popularity they had in 2001. Are you just upset that Sum 41 isn't putting out songs that sound like "Fat Lip" over and over?
But all of this is a part of a bigger trend I've noticed that really annoys the piss out of me.
People that are, like, twenty-five and under, being nostalgic for things.
"Man, I really miss the good old days." What good old days? You're still living them!
You're under twenty-five. You likely have no real responsibilities, no one who depends on you, your job is pretty much as close to the bottom of the corporate ladder as you can get, the third-quarter profits aren't relying on what you do. And if you're nineteen or under, you had even less responsibility.
That's what people are really nostalgic for: reliving the days when they didn't have to care about shit, and all the fun times they had. Entertainment wasn't necessarily better, you just have fond memories of the things you enjoyed back when you had time to enjoy them, and live the relatively carefree life.
But, now I'm hearing twenty year olds say stupid shit like: "Man, remember when music was actually good?" or "Remember when they used to make good movies?" Do you? You are twenty!
You've really been aware of current trends for likely less than a decade. If you were born in the nineties, your favorite group wasn't Nirvana, your favorite group was the cast of fucking Sesame Street.
But that's not to say you might not have gotten older, heard a band later on in life and decided you really like them, but you didn't like them then. I was born in the early eighties, that doesn't mean I grew up listening to Motley Crue or something. I wouldn't have started making my own music choices really until the 90's, so I really grew up in the angsty, grunge period, which probably explains a lot.
If you were born in the nineties, you would have been no older than four years old when Cobain ate a shotgun blast, if you were even born. You didn't know he existed, you barely knew what purpose your own asshole served.
And then there's shit like this...
I graduated from college for the second time in '09, so I was in my late twenties going to school with a bunch of teenagers and people in their early twenties. And, like, three months after graduating people were saying: "Oh, man, it's been so long since we've seen each other. We need to have a reunion soon!"
It's been three fucking months! Almost nothing has changed!
Many people haven't even been able to find a job in that three months, never mind do anything else of any significance worth catching up on. And if they have, if they were stupid enough to get knocked up or married, you likely have them on Facebook and you know all about it.
You wanna see your friends again? Great, fine, whatever, but don't call it a fucking reunion. I think that's almost as bad as people who celebrate six-month anniversaries in a relationship.
Six months isn't an anniversary, it's half way to an anniversary.
"Anni" meaning annual, meaning a fucking year, you crazy cunts. Don't get pissed off at your boyfriend 'cause he's forgetting to celebrate events you made up in your own fucked up head.
But back to nostalgia.
This is what people do now, they pine for shit that's not even fucking forgotten yet.
Look at all those stupid nineties kids Facebook pages. Do you remember these?
And most of the time it's the stuff from the eighties or even earlier, because apparently nineties kids don't know what decade anything came out in. Apparently, they were all too busy listening to the classics, like Bowling For Soup, to care. Or they sucked all the lead paint off all those Chinese knockoff Pokemon toys that parents bought them at a flea market and now they're just too stupid to know the difference between the eighties and the nineties.
Or, it's something that still exists or is still relevant, like that stupid phone cord meme or Lunchables, an item that's very available everywhere.
"Man, who remembers Orange Kool-Aid?"
Everyone, you mouthbreathing fuck! It's a quarter a pack at the fucking groceries store.
There should just be a rule. If you were born in the nineties, you can't be nostalgic for shit until 2020. And anyone who disobeys automatically get signed up for taser testing.
Sure, there's nothing wrong with enjoying forms of entertainment from previous years, but constantly being nostalgic for things, especially things that barely happened five, ten, even fifteen years ago...that's fucking ridiculous.
I get that it's a long time for you because of how young you are, but ideally you've got a lot more years to go and five, and ten years will be nothing.
If you were born in the nineties, you're currently twenty-three at the absolute oldest. But if you're twenty-three year younger and you already believe nothing will ever top the shit you liked as a kid or in your mid-teens, and that your best days are already behind you, you are in for a long disappointing life.
Category:Transcripts