2021 Power Rankings-Week 6

==Introduction==
Another week, another early morning game cramping my style. 
==Matchup Recap==
*Duck Punchers wins in dramatic fashion over a shocked and disappointed Pain Train squad (10-6). Next Matchup: Week 12
*The Stupid Idiots left no doubt with a franchise second-best performance vs. ma ma momma said (5-4). Next Matchup: Week 13
*RIPDab narrowly escapes defeat (and, oddly, a tie) with a win over Papa's Posse (10-8). Next Matchup: Week 10
*Paddock 9 gets his first win of the season in a beatdown of the spiraling Mattness (8-11). Next Matchup: N/A
*The Shotti Bunch moves back into first place with a take down of Sweet Dee (9-3). Next Matchup: Week 12
==Stat Chat==
*The Shotti Bunch becomes the 2nd team to reach 90 combined wins. 
*Papa's Posse becomes the 1st team to reach 90 combined losses.
*Papa's Posse becomes the 1st team to reach 80 regular season losses.
*Mattness becomes the 3rd team to reach 70 regular season losses.
*Pain Train becomes the 7th team to reach 70 combines losses.
*The Shotti Bunch breaks the record for most weeks in first place (28). 
*Ma ma momma said posts the 3rd highest regular season score by a losing team in LOC history.
*Ma ma momma said posts the 5th highest score (regular season/postseason combined) by a losing team in LOC history.
*Duck Punchers becomes the 2nd team to break 200 points in 90 regular season games.
*Ma ma momma said becomes the 4th team to break 200 points in 90 combined games. 
*Stupid Idiots becomes the 10th team to break 200 points in 30 regular season games.
*Mattness was the only team to score below 200 in week five. The last time that happened was week 12 of 2018 (Duck Punchers).
*This is just the second season in LOC history where there has not been a repeat Blowout of the Week winner or Blowout of the Week loser.
== If Only... ==
Papa's Posse trailed RIPDab by exactly 22 points heading into Monday Night Football with just their defense left to play. Baltimore DEF ended up falling way short, costing Papa the victory. But on his bench was Green Bay Defense, which put up...22 points. That start/sit decision was all that stood in the way of the first ever tie in LOC history. Can you imagine the chaos? 
==Championship Team Records Through Five Weeks==
Most Reg Season Wins Against an Opponent Without a Loss (Minimum 3 games)
Yea 	Team 	Records
2011	Papa's Posse 	2-3
2012	ma ma momma said	4-1
2013	The Shotti Bunch	3-2
2014	Duck Punchers 	4-1
2015	The Shotti Bunch	3-2
2016	The Shotti Bunch	4-1
2017	The Shotti Bunch	4-1
2018	Sweet Dee 	3-2
2019	Paddock 9 	3-2
2020	Paddock 9 	3-2
The old vets of the league remember the improbably run of Papa's Posse in 2011. It was a 12-team league and Papa made a late surge that gave him the 6th seed on the final day of the regular season. Since then, no team has won the Glory Bowl after starting with fewer than 3 wins after five weeks. This doesn't bode well for Paddock 9's chances at repeating, nor Papa's chances at even making playoffs. Neither team has even reached the two win low water mark set all those years ago. It also doesn't mean jack shit because we're in a 14-game season. So who knows, right?
==Survivor==
No strikes last week.
==Trade Tracker==
Another trade this week to add to the pile. At some point I'm going to have to start discriminating between trades that matter and trades no one cares about because the teams suck but for now let's just keep trackin'!
TRADE TRACKER: Woods/Sermon for CEH/Mooney
X 	Mattness 	Mattness	Paddock 9 	Paddock 9
X 	Points Scored	Result 	Points Scored	Result
Week Four 	59.95 	W 	32.68 	L
Week Five 	11.48 	L 	34.60 	W
Week Six 	 	 	 	
Week Seven 	 	 	 	
Week Eight 	 	 	 	
Week Nine 	 	 	 	
Week Ten 	 	 	 	
Week Eleven 	 	 	 	
Per Player Average	17.86 	 	23.10 	
Total 	71.43 	1-1 	69.28 	1-1
Starts (Mattness):
*CEH: 2
*Mooney: 2
Starts (Paddock 9)
*Sermon: 1
*Woods: 2
There may need to be injury clauses in future trades that involve draft picks. Mattness traded his 7th round pick to acquire CEH, only for the guy to go on IR and Woods to turn back from a pumpkin into a princess.
TRADE TRACKER: Aiyuk/Ruggs for Gordon/Fuller
X 	Paddock 9 	Paddock 9	RIPDab 	RIPDab
X 	Points Scored	Result 	Points Scored	Result
Week One 	38.48 	L 	0.70 	W
Week Two 	11.13 	L 	X 	W
Week Three 	21.9 	L 	X 	L
Week Four 	1.80 	L 	5.90 	L
Week Five 	0 	W 	0 	W
Week Six 	 	 	 	
Week Seven 	 	 	 	
Week Eight 	 	 	 	
Week Nine 	 	 	 	
Per Player Average	18.33 	 	3.30 	
Total 	73.31 	1-4 	6.60 	3-2
Starts (Paddock 9):
*Gordon: 3
*Fuller: 1
Starts (RIPDab)
*Aiyuk: 2
*Ruggs: 0
None of these players started.
TRADE TRACKER: Hopkins/Williams for Kirk/Reagor
X 	Paddock 9 	Paddock 9	RIPDab 	RIPDab
X 	Points Scored	Result 	Points Scored	Result
Week Five 	0 	W 	47.80 	W
Week Six 	 	 	 	
Week Seven 	 	 	 	
Week Eight 	 	 	 	
Week Nine 	 	 	 	
Week Ten 	 	 	 	
Week Eleven 	 	 	 	
Week Twelve 	 	 	 	
Week Thirteen 	 	 	 	
Per Player Average	0 	 	23.90 	
Total 	0 	1-0 	47.80 	1-0
Starts (Paddock 9):
*Kirk: 0
*Reagor: 0
Starts (RIPDab)
* Hopkins: 1
*Williams: 1
Hm. 
TRADE TRACKER: A.Robinson for M.Davis
X 	ma ma momma said	ma ma momma said	Papa's Posse 	Papa's Posse
X 	Points Scored 	Result 	Points Scored	Result
Week Five 	7.60 	L 	15.48 	L
Week Six 	 	 	 	
Week Seven 	 	 	 	
Week Eight 	 	 	 	
Week Nine 	 	 	 	
Week Ten 	 	 	 	
Week Eleven 	 	 	 	
Week Twelve 	 	 	 	
Week Thirteen 	 	 	 	
Per Player Average	7.60 	 	15.48 	
Total 	7.60 	0-1 	15.48 	0-1
Starts (ma ma momma said):
*Allen Robinson: 1
Starts (Papa's Posse):
*Mike Davis: 1
I thought Papa could have gotten more for Allen Robinson based on name alone, even if his production has not been there. But Mike Davis did perform well in that first week as a stop-gap for Dalvin Cook's absence. And now Jared has traded away another piece of his RB depth in J.D. McKissic to the other DiGennaro boy. We'll see how that plays out in week six.
==Power Rankings - Week Five==
=== 1(1). Ma ma momma said===
Performances like this make a man want to do away with matchups and just give the top five scorers a victory every week (maybe it's time to bring back the "Absolute Rankings."). Mama's RBs are already killing it in week six against RIPDab, whose Jacksonville defense is not doing as hot, and a win vs. another 3-2 team would be huge for this contender.
=== 2(2). RIPDab===
RIPDab just became the second-highest scoring team of all-time through five weeks, trailing only 2020's Duck Punchers by less than six points. But they have their work cut out for them against ma ma momma said a week after taking Papa's best shot. It seems like everyone is bringing their A-game vs. RIPDab, who is also on track to potentially break the record for most points scored against in a season. 
===3(3). Duck Punchers===
In one of the most dramatic wins in years, Duck went into Monday night needing 55 points between Mark Andrews and Rodrigo Blankenship, the latter of whom was dealing with a hip injury that kept causing him to miss kicks. When Mark Andrews lit it up in the first half, there was a glimmer of hope that seemed all but extinguished on Baltimore's final drive. Duck needed a touchdown and 2-pt conversion to both go to Mark Andrews with less than a minute left...and it happened. It was improbably, exciting, and if you're Pain Train just devastating. Hoping for a close missed FG to take points away from Duck, instead Mark Andrews caught a rando OT reception to give Duck the cushion he needed to avoid a stat correction stray bullet. 
===4(4). The Shotti Bunch===
Gronk might be out but Shotti fell into someone even better with Dawson Knox. Add in 80 points from Lamar Jackson and the Bunch is grooving. We'll see if he can continue his boom performances vs. the team coming off a 300+ point game. 
===5(7). The Stupid Idiots===
Stupid Idiots never wanted Jonathan Taylor, but I'm sure he's happy he accidentally got him now that Barkely is out and Taylor busted a 76-yard TD reception in the opening drive of MNF to take this team to victory. Oddly enough, in a league full of QB talent, Stupid Idiots cannot seem to find an answer. Tannehill wasn't it, and now he'll turn back to Joe Burrow and his busted throat. 
=== 6(5). Pain Train===
Pain Train lost by 3 points despite Duck Punchers losing Saquon Barkley early to an injury. Benching the emerging Javonte Williams and the consistently targeted Michael Pittman for Jakobi Meyers and Henry Ruggs may have been big mistakes, but the team is still loaded with talent and should have no problem taking care of business against Mattness this week. 
=== 7(6). Sweet Dee ===
Sweet Dee is in 7th place with the fourth fewest points in the league, having made just one roster move all season. Whether this is a product of belief in the team or an indication that their heart and mind just isn't in it this year, it spells trouble for a 2-3 team facing the 4-1 Duck Punchers. Following this week they will be in must-win matchups vs. two of the three teams below them in the standings. 
===8(9). Papa's Posse ===
Papa vs. Paddock. Someone has to win, and with Papa getting a big start from Mike Gesicki on Sunday morning you have to figure he's got a shot. Papa has been this year's most competitive loser, which doesn't mean a whole lot. It actually has to hurt more than help, knowing he's had a chance to win or tie a few games and come up short. But the season is still young.
===9(10). Paddock 9===
Paddock 9 is delusional, but can you really fault the guy? He's facing Papa's Posse with a chance to move into 7th place and be just a game back of a playoff position through six weeks. You have to admire Paddock 9's no-quit mentality, with his 28 roster moves and multiple trades. The question is: if he does rattle off a couple wins, will he begin to regret letting go of DeAndre Hopkins so early in the year? 
===10(8). The Multiverse of Mattness===
At this point there's nothing left to say. I cannot even keep track of how many times I've gotten fucked this season. For the third time in four weeks a player got hurt mid-game, this time twice. Russell Wilson and CEH, leaving Mattness with no QB and no starting runningback. The scramble to assemble a roster this week is at least a little bit admirable, but it's impossible not to consider this the current worst team in the LOC. 
==Matchup of the Week==
idk. How does Nate vs. Jared sound? 
==Conclusion==
Haven't even been able to set my lineups, been writing this shit all morning.