Smashed Bits (short story)

Smashed Bits was an exclusive short story printed in DWMSE 65 on 25 January 2024Doctor Who Magazine Special: The 2024 Yearbook on doctorwhomagazine.com by Panini Magazines.
Like before it, Smashed Bits was framed as a tongue-in-cheek mock-interview with Janis Goblin.
== Plot ==
Elven Starbush conducts an exclusive interview with Janis Goblin for Smashed Bits.
Starbush asks Janis if she can share with the readers how she styles her hair, and, while she jokes about not wanting completion, she seemingly explains she washes her hair with spleen juice and a gall bladder infused conditioner, before admitting she lied, not wanting to reveal her secrets for free.
Starbush then asks Janis for her thoughts on the accusations and rumours that she was only successful because of her close relationship with the Goblin King, and Janis threatens to find anyone who accused her and feed them to the King.
Continuing on, Starbush asks if it is true that Janis bathes in Baby Butter daily, and Janis laughs, as she only bathes "once in a blue moon", and any more than that she'd lose her aroma.
Starbush asks if Janis gets along with the other bandmembers. Janis tells her than they do, so long as they remember who is boss — her.
Janis candidly reveals that, when not touring or performing in a studio, she relaxes like any other goblin girl, such as tripping people over, pulling their hair, and scaring little children, among other things.
Starbush concludes the interview, expressing that Janis is just like her and the readers at heart, but Janis retorts that she is a "ka-zillion" times better.
== Characters ==
* Janis Goblin
* Elven Starbush
* Pixie Not
* Gob Dylan
* Bryan Fairy
* Ralph McTelf
* The Goblin King
=== Referenced only ===
* Davina McCall
== Worldbuilding ==
* The cover of Smashed Bits has text stating "Baby Butter for the Baby Scones", "Imps! They're all Mouth!", "Rope Electrics! Knots into Watts!", "Sail Away, Take to the Skies!", and "A Right Royal Workout! You Too Can be as Hench as the Goblin King!"
* There is also a competition to win a trip with Davina McCall.
* Janis is referred to as the "Queen of Goblin Pop."
* Janis believes she "owe[s] everything to [her] fans".
* Janis asks Starbush for the identies and addresses of those who accused her. She also states that they'll be lightly seasoned with hot sauce, sage and onions.
* If any of her band members let her down, Janis will skin them alive, use them as drumsticks and use their bones as microphone stands.
* A picture of the band, including Janis, Pixie Not, Gob Dylan, Bryan Fairy and Ralph McTelf, is in the article.
* Janis's "golden locks" are the highlight of the Goblin King's court.
== Notes ==
to be added
== Continuity ==
* Smashed Bits, like published not too long prior, references the characters from , but in such a way that depicts them in a meta-fictional setting where the Goblins are famous and Davina McCall is amicable with them, at odds with their attempted murder of Davina in the episode.
== Footnotes ==
Category:DWM prose stories
Category:2024 short stories
Category:Non-DWU short stories