Engineer

Engineer AKA Dell Conagher is a soft-spoken mercenary from Bee Cave. He used to work for Aperture Science, and is responsible for the Personality Cores. One of his most famous clones is Uncle Dane, and one of his least famous is Vagineer.
The reason he's so smart is because he stole a Malus Domestica from Grand Dad, and after eating it gained forbidden knowledge previously sealed in the Enclosed Instruction Book. He was able to use this newfound knowledge to build tripod-mounted sentries and also the Portal Gun. That's why he was hired to fight in Team Fortress 2, because he knows his stuff (He invented one of the rules of stuff).
He also thinks you are ugly.
== Accomplishments==
*Cloned himself 9000 times
*Worked for Aperture Science
*Worked for Valve
*Created automatic sentry turrets with facial-recognition software
*Created automatic medical stations/armories
*Created the Large TV Man, Large Cameraman, and Large Speakerman
*Improved upon catapult technology
*Invented teleportation on 3 separate occasions
*Invented life-extension devices
*Invented temporal distortion pads
*Invented HRT
==History==
===Early Life ===
Long ago, there was this guy called Engineer. He was done with being an engineer so had a son he also called Engineer, taking the tradition from his dad. When they moved to America from the hive/cave thing, immigration officials were like "WTF! This makes no sense! You 3 need DIFFERENT NAMES!!" so they got the Ellis Island treatment and were renamed. The officials liked eating at Taco Del Mar in Seattle, and also liked eating pine trees in Seattle, so they named him Dell Conagher. He grew up watching the movie October Sky, because it featured rockets (and rockets explode).
===Work Life===
He later moved to Texas when he was an adult, and met Pizzano who smelt like Texas Street. From there, he started to make stuff from the quinine in that guy's armors. The first thing the Engineer made was a teleprompter, which he threw out and sold the rights to PipCop Shames LTD for $30. He made other things during this time, but most of them, while not rip-offs, were not that impressive like the automated banana peeler.
One morning, he woke up and saw a butterfly. This butterfly was actually the Death Note being held by Ryuk, but he didn't know. Moving on, this butterfly inspired him to make explosive butterflies. These would torment Mario for many years. When Bowser heard he was the one who made them, he hired the Engineer to go make deadly crap for him. He made lots of deadly crap for lots of other bad guys too, like Giygas and Aperture Science. Around that was time is when he ate Malus Domestica. Anyways, he used to think business was business, but that changed when Giygas told him to make a machine that would kill Starwomen. He made a machine that didn't kill women, and instead just do forceful sex re-assignments, but swore to give a big fat "NOPE" to working for any future bad guys. Some time after that, he'd work for Valve because they're the good guys and they make good shames. He also worked for the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and helped them build a nest to put all their buildings in, as he did many times on 2fort. He also helped them because their theme song says "The good guys win and the bad guys lose".
But before he started working at Valve, he developed and designed his own proprietary teleporter. Not a wormhole device like the Portal Gun, but an actual atom disassembler, transmitter, and assembler, utilizing the powers of really weird gold called "Australium". There were problems with the portal gun like the "conservation of matter" he didn't want to make black holes with. That said, he failed the first couple of times he tried to make one, but eventually got it working on small amounts of metals. He eventually got it able to work on other materials too, and began testing on Gingerbread houses. After that, he put in living subjects. However, they all died during transit. He tried many things to fix this, but ended up just having nightmares about a cat he killed. What he had discovered to make teleportation work on living beings horrified him: In order to make a teleporter, you can't transmit the atoms. You have to analyze them, send the analysis to the other side, and reconstruct the being on the other side. You probably think that's the same thing as sending over the atoms, but no, it isn't; he has to intentionally kill whoever uses his teleporter. Once he got the new design working on animals, he used it himself. Dell no longer feared death when he came out the other side. He then got the bright idea to make the Respawn Machine by saving the teleportation data and using it when somebody died as like a surprise tool. That invention (the Respawn Machine) would single-handedly be the best and worst thing he ever made. Anyways, he used these 2 inventions to get hired by Valve and to be part of the Team Fortress team as the most overqualified mercenary.
Some time after the events of Team Fortress 2, a girl named The Administrator came up to him and was like "Yo, you know that GLaDOS song? Make me do that, but not be a robot because I don't like being a detroit.". He had absolutely no idea what she meant, so she told him that she meant she wanted to be young forever, so Dell mined up some Australium he knew could do that, and gave it to her. She became addicted to it, and now we don't have any more of that stuff, but thankfully TF2 traders are in with talks with Father Bogan to get more Australium in the UnUniverse. Dell retired after this because he was just done with all that crap.
===Retirement===
After he retired, he decided he'd use some of his money to erect a river around his house, as well as get his first ever erection when he built Mimi Sentry. He also got into League of Legends and runs a YouTube channel now called Engineer Gaming. The Engineer as you're reading this is sitting on a stack of hay on a trade server, engaged in a high-stakes banjo duel for who can win the Golden Pan and save Fl00rB0rdia from The Evil Forces of Ganon.
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