Episode 511: Paul Simon

Paul inspires Gonzo to be a songwriter. Unfortunately, Gonzo writes songs like "For You": "For youuu... I'd wash my hair with stinky glue, I'd fry my legs and eat them too, I'd put a spider in my shoe -- for yoouuuu!" Paul is stunned. Later, Gonzo's chickens run off with Paul, so Gonzo develops a new obsession -- asparagus. But at the end of the episode both the chickens and the asparagus run away when Paul asks for chicken with a side of asparagus. 
==Songs/Sketches==
* "Scarborough Fair" 
* "Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover"
* Guest Star's Dressing Room: "Long Long Day"
* UK Spot: Veterinarian's Hospital: Gonzo / Muppet News Flash: Overdue Library Books
* Guest Star's Dressing Room: Gonzo sings his latest song, "For You"
* "El Condor Pasa"
* "Baby Driver"
* "Loves Me Like a Rock"
==Notes==
*Although this is a fifth season episode, Lips doesn't perform with the Electric Mayhem during the closing number.
*In his introduction to the episode, Brian Henson states that the "Scarborough Fair" production number was at the time the most complex staging of a sequence on the series.
*This is the last Muppet Show episode to have the guest star perform the opening number.
*Steve Whitmire performs the stilt walker for the first backstage scene, and Frank Oz performs him for the rest.
==Episode==
Picture	Description
 	Cold Open: Guest star Paul Simon arrives to find Pops working to fix the lever that works the trap door. Paul tries the lever, causing Pops to fall through the trap door.
Paul: "I love it, but of course, I know fifty ways to love your lever."
 	"The Muppet Show Theme": Gonzo's trumpet sounds like a duck. A duck shows up to kiss Gonzo: "Kissy, kissy!"
 	Kermit the Frog presents the show as an entire evening devoted to the music of Paul Simon.
Paul sings "Scarborough Fair" in a Renaissance-flavored number, complete with maypole dancing and lute players. Miss Piggy chimes in to sing "Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme."
Near the end, Fozzie Bear arrives selling pies and reciting Simple Simon. Paul requests a custard pie to go. When Fozzie asks, "To go where?" Paul hits him in the face with the pie. Paul is then arrested by Link Hogthrob, as the Sheriff of Nottingham, for playing a lute without a license.
 	The guy on the stilts hits his head on a rafter above, and falls to the floor with a crash.
Gonzo tells Kermit that Paul Simon is the type of performer he'd like to be.
Kermit: "Well, he comes from a different area of show business."
Gonzo: "He's so entertaining!"
Kermit: "Exactly."
Gonzo decides to take up song-writing, even demonstrating one of his songs... which Kermit brings to an abrupt end.
 	Floyd and Janice sing "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover" with Animal and Rizzo the Rat backing them up.
 	Guest Star's Dressing Room: Pops asks Paul to sing "Long Long Day". Paul points out that it isn't on the schedule. Pops protests, noting what a beautiful song it is. Paul agrees, because he's never been one for schedules. The other Muppets join Pops to listen in.
 	UK Spot:Veterinarian's Hospital: Dr. Bob is still in shock from what happened to his last patient: He cured him! An even bigger shock lies on the hospital bed and it's the Great Gonzo.
Gonzo offers to donate his body to science. Dr. Bob recommends science-fiction.
Dr. Bob: "I am going to remove one of the patient's vital organs a great many times whilst mentioning a Paul Simon song."
Gonzo: "Terrific! What's it called?"
Dr. Bob: "50 Ways to Leave Your Liver."
 	UK Spot (continued): A shivering Statler calls for Waldorf to bring him his coat. Instead, he receives a goat.
 	UK Spot (continued): Muppet News Flash: The Newsman announces all library fines will be forgiven if overdue books are returned to the station in three seconds.
 	Guest Star's Dressing Room: Gonzo sings his latest song, "For You", for Paul: "For youuu... I'd wash my hair with stinky glue, I'd fry my legs and eat them too, I'd put a spider in my shoe -- for yoouuuu!" Paul agrees to never play the guitar he holds again unless playing one of Gonzo's songs. He then proceeds to destroy the guitar.
 	Kermit calls for Gonzo, hoping he won't sing but, rather, perform the act he rehearsed: An underwater heart operation on himself. Gonzo refuses, claiming that the last time he did it, he died.
Kermit: "Gonzo, I'm telling you flatly, you can't sing!"
Gonzo: "Oh, I can sing flatly."
Gonzo offers to do a Paul Simon song and Kermit agrees to introduce him.
In the background, the stiltwalker runs into a doorway and falls backward over the railing. He leaps to his feet, seemingly unharmed. Gonzo commends him, slapping one of the stilts, and knocking the man to the ground.
 	Kermit introduces Gonzo's song as something for the "music haters." Gonzo and the chickens sing "El Condor Pasa". Paul interrupts the number, claiming Gonzo is singing the wrong words.
Gonzo: "You write 'em your way, I'll write 'em mine!"
Paul gets even with Gonzo by stealing the chickens away.
 	Bobby Benson and his Baby Band sing the song that poses the question, "Is it a good idea to let a 12-month old baby drive on the freeway while playing a ukulele?", "Baby Driver".
 	The bandaged stiltwalker receives a boomerang fish to the head, courtesy of Lew Zealand, that sends him tumbling backward.
Gonzo, deciding that chickens are far too fickle, decides to replace them with a new obsession: asparagus! "Your average asparagus is much more loyal than even the finest chicken." Gonzo even has a nest full of asparagus eggs waiting to hatch, until Kermit informs him that asparagus do not come from eggs... or so he thought.
 	Paul sings "Loves Me Like a Rock", backed by Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem and the Female Singers.
 	At the closing, five chickens crowd around Paul. Kermit points out that he looks a little "henpecked." In an effort to get rid of the chickens, Paul calls out, "Five chicken dinners to go," adding a side order of asparagus when the baby asparagus show up.
==Edits==
*Nickelodeon: "Vet's Hospital" was cut, as was Muppet News and the second backstage sequence.
==Cast==
Muppets:
:Kermit the Frog, Miss Piggy, Fozzie Bear, Gonzo, Rowlf the Dog, Statler and Waldorf, Link Hogthrob, Floyd Pepper, Janice, Animal, Pops, The Newsman, Bobby Benson, Fortune Teller, the Babies, Lew Zealand, Beauregard, Baby Asparagus, Chickens, Pig, Goat, Whatnots
Background Muppets:
:Scooter, Rizzo the Rat, Zoot, Dr. Teeth, Annie Sue, Ronald Duck, Sheep
==Performers==
:Jim Henson as Kermit the Frog, Waldorf, Rowlf, Link Hogthrob, the Newsman and Duck in Scarborough Fair 
:Frank Oz as Fozzie Bear, Miss Piggy, Animal and Stilt Walker
:Dave Goelz as Gonzo and Beauregard
:Jerry Nelson as Pops, Floyd Pepper, Camilla, Lew Zealand, Fortune Teller, and the Announcer
:Richard Hunt as Janice, Bobby Benson, and Statler
:Steve Whitmire as Rizzo the Rat, Female Singer, and Stilt Walker
:Kathy Mullen as Baby and Female Singer
:Louise Gold as Baby Asparagus and Female Singer
:Karen Prell
==Gallery==
File:Paul_Simon01.jpg
File:Payne Mullen tumblers.jpg
File:Paul_Simon03.jpg
File:Richard-Jerry-BTS.jpg
File:Paul_Simon02.jpg
==Sources==
__NOWYSIWYG__
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