Immigrant Detention

Immigrant Detention is the seventh episode of season six, and the sixty-fifth episode overall, of No Malarkey in Bikini Bottom. It premiered on April 1, 2022. 
==Plot==
Mr. Pepperchicken is sent to an immigrant detention center. 
==Story==
[The episode opens in a cold, dark cell. Mr. Pepperchicken wakes up.]
Mr. Pepperchicken: Wha—What happened? Where am I?
Sir Sandy: Welcome to the Biden administration’s newest migrant facility for children!
Mr. Pepperchicken: WHAT
Sir Sandy: Indeed.
Mr. Pepperchicken: NO! RELEASE ME AT ONCE! I’M THE PRESIDENT!
Sir Sandy: Do you have anything that could prove Bikini Bottom citizenship?
Mr. Pepperchicken: I’m not some loser Bikini Bottomite, I’m a proud patriot of Shell City!
Sir Sandy: And that’s why you’re here. I’ll see you when it’s time to walk the plank. [walks away]
Mr. Pepperchicken: HEY! COME BACK HERE YOU GAY LOBBY GOON! Ugh, what could possibly be worse than this?
Mrs. Harris: [over the loud speaker] Rise and shine, migrants, time for breakfast! Head to the cafeteria RIGHT NOW OR ELSE YOU SHALL SUFFER SEVERE PENALTIES!
[As Mr. Pepperchicken heads to the cafeteria, he notices that half of the detainees are non-Russians.]
Mr. Pepperchicken: I can’t believe I'm jailed alongside all these non-Russian simpletons! Ah well, at least this proves my theory that immigrants commit more crime.
Detainee: Sir, you are an immigrant, that’s why you’re an inmate here. This prison is specifically for immigrant children awaiting deportation.
Detainee #2: Also, research shows that immigrants, both documented and undocumented, actually commit less crime than native-born citizens.
Mr. Pepperchicken: You two, quiet! Don’t talk to a member of the master race like that!
[Mrs. Harris is seen entering the cafeteria.]
Mrs. Harris: Welcome to the Barack Obama Memorial Migrant Facility For Children! The twelfth immigration detention center founded by our current administration, I’d have to say this is one of our proudest accomplishments. Anyways, let’s cut to the chase: if you comply, we won’t abuse you, or maybe we will. Any questions?
Detainee #3: Didn’t you oppose construction of prisons like this during the election campaign?
Mrs. Harris: Uh…
[Mrs. Harris gestures guards to seize the detainee and throw him in a torture chamber, which they promptly do. His screams can be heard for a minute before dead silence.]
Mrs. Harris: Any other questions?
Mr. Pepperchicken: Yeah, where’s the Russian salami?
Mrs. Harris: What?
Mr. Pepperchicken: The Russian salami!
Mrs. Harris: What?
Mr. Pepperchicken: The Russian salami!
Mrs. Harris: What?
Mr. Pepperchicken: Food, you idiot! I only eat Russian salami, so nourish me with it!
Mrs. Harris: Who said anything about food? If you don’t get deported in time you’ll starve to death!
Mr. Pepperchicken: So why build a cafeteria if you’re not feeding us anything? 
Mrs. Harris: This is for assemblies and things like that.
Mr. Pepperchicken: [sniffs] Hey! Something’s cooking! It smells exactly like Russian salami, and I don’t say that about just anything! What is it?
Mrs. Harris: Oh, that's just immigrant children.
Mr. Pepperchicken: WHAT
Mrs. Harris: Our troops were short on food due to the Leader Plankton War, so we resorted to somewhat questionable methods to feed them. And by looking at your attitude, I can predict that you may be their next meal!
Mr. Pepperchicken: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! You can't eat the flesh of Russians! Only non-Russians! 
Mrs. Harris: One last thing. To make sure you losers never breed, you will all report to the pediatrician immediately.
[The detainees head to the pediatrician's office, where they meet Mr. Renaud.]
Mr. Renaud: Hey there kiddies! Today, I’m going to sterilize you!
Mr. Pepperchicken: YOU CAN’T RIP OFF MY SUPERIOR RUSSIAN TESTICLES!
Mr. Renaud: I most certainly can! Ah, do I love sterilizing children! Not only could I fuck them afterwards, I also don’t have to pay government-ordered child support!
Detainee #2: Uh, Mr. Renaud, didn’t you say in the Libertarian presidential primary debate that you were pro-life?
Mr. Renaud: I most certainly am!
Detainee #2: Is it “pro-life” to destroy the body parts that create children?
Mr. Renaud: LORD NEPTUNE! I’ve been smackle-dwarfed! I SHALL NOT PERFORM THIS SERVICE ANY LONGER! 
[The detainees cheer and all run out of Mr. Renaud’s office.] 
Mr. Pepperchicken: Alright, time to escape! 
[Suddenly Sir Sandy jumps in front of the crowd.] 
Sir Sandy: Oh no you don’t! Alright, prisoners, prepare to die! [takes out a gun]
Mr. Pepperchicken: I don’t think so! [takes out a bottle of vegetable oil and throws it at Sir Sandy, instantly killing and frying them]
Mrs. Harris: Where did Sir Sandy go? Huh. [notices Sir Sandy’s gun] I’ll use this to fight the prisoners! [inserts bullets]
Mr. Pepperchicken: Could you look at the floor again?
Mrs. Harris: Why would you ask that—[notices the fried Sir Sandy] Oh boy! TREE CHICKEN! My favorite dish!
Mr. Pepperchicken: Take your time.
[As Mrs. Harris slowly devours Sir Sandy, all the prisoners escape.]
Category:No Malarkey in Bikini Bottom