ROBUTTNIKS MEAN BEAN MACHEAN

== FOUR WORDS ==
Hey, all. Skullbuggy here! Some of you may not have been here to see this, but this is ROBUTTNIKS MEAN BEAN MACHEAN. A classic of its time, it has been restored for all to see, for all to marvel in its glory.
This is the story of a man named Dr. REBOTNEK and his assistants, SKRATCH and GRONDER. These three men fought against the republic of Mobius, a land where singing and fun was overabundant. In his anger, REBOTNEK decided to make Mobius less happy by creating the Bean Steamer, a machine made to turn beans into robots. From there, it just gets more powerful. So sit back, relax, and stack some beans.
== CHEPTER WONE ==
REBOTNEK SKRATCH GRONDER COME HERE
SKRATCH YES BOSS
GRONDER DURRH WHAT IS IT
REBOTNEK I HAVE MADE A BEAUTIFUL THING WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE IT
SKRATCH WHY OF COURSE
REBOTNEK I CALL IT THE BEAN STEAMER
GRONDER DURRH WHAT DOES IT DO
REBOTNEK WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK
GRONDER
REBOTNEK
GRONDER
REBOTNEK
GRONDER
REBOTNEK IT MAKES BEANS INTO ROBOTS
SKRATCH OBVIOUSLY
REBOTNEK WITH THIS I SHALL RID MOBIUS OF HAPPINESS FOREVER
SKRATCH WHAT
REBOTNEK NOW I WILL SEND MY BEST TROOPS TO GUARD THE BEAN PRISONERS SO WE DO NOT HAVE ANY COMPLICATIONS
SKRATCH GOOD THINKING DR. REBOTNEK
REBOTNEK BUAHAHAHAHA
== CHEPTER TOO ==
ERMS HELLO THERE GENTLEMEN MY NAME IS ERMS
ERMS
ERMS IT IS BECAUSE I HAVE LARGE ERMS
ERMS
ERMS IT IS A SUBTLE JOKE YOU MAY NOT HAVE UNDERSTOOD
ERMS I AM HERE TO PROTECT THE BEANS FROM BEING RESCUED
ERMS COME TO ERMS MY BEAUTIES
ONE SOUND THRASHING LATER
ERMS OH GOD I CANNOT WALK YOU WIN I GUESS
FRANKLIN HELLO THERE OLD BEAN MY NAME IS FRANKLIN
FRANKLIN DO YOU GET IT
FRANKLIN IT IS BECAUSE I AM LIKE FRANKENSTEIN
FRANKLIN BUT I DIGRESS I MUST STOP YOU OLD CHAP
FRANKLIN HAVE AT YOU
AFTER A LONG WHILE OF STACKING BEANS
FRANKLIN I WAS SO VERY VERY WRONG
HUMPDY WHY HELLO SIR I AM HUMPDY
HUMPDY IT IS LIKE THE EGG STORY
HUMPDY HUMPDY DUMPDY SAT ON A WALL
HUMPDY YOU CATCH MY DRIFT CORRECT
HUMPDY GOOD FOR NOW WE MUST FIGHT IN A BATTLE OF WITS
HUMPDY DUMPDY HAD A GREAT FALL
HUMPDY MY INSIDES ARE GOING WHERE THEY SHOULDN'T
COKONETS HELLO I AM COKONETS
COKONETS DR. REBOTNEK HAS TRUSTED ME WITH GUARDING THESE BEANS
COKONETS YOU WILL NOT LEAVE EURASIA ALIVE
TIME SWIPE
COKONETS OH JESUS CALL AN AMBULANCE
MEANWILE IN REBOTNEK'S LAB
REBOTNEK WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN HE KILLED COKONETS
REBOTNEK COKONETS WAS MY ONLY FRIEND
SKRATCH WHAT ABOUT ME SIR
REBOTNEK NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOU AND YOUR ROOSTER TEETH
SKRATCH You don't have to be such an asshole about it.
REBOTNEK NEVERTHELESS THIS IS NOT OVER
REBOTNEK SEND OUT THE TROOPS
== CHEPTER TREE ==
DAVEY SPROKIT HOWDY PARDNER I AM DAVEY SPROKIT
DAVEY SPROKIT DO YOU SEE MY COONSKIN CAP SIR
DAVEY SPROKIT I AM A ROBOT DAVEY CROCKIT
DAVEY SPROKIT BUT WE CAN TALK ABOUT THAT LATER
DAVEY SPROKIT I MUST PIONEER SOME NEW TECHNIQUES
ONE LOUISIANA PURCHASE-SIZED BEATING LATER
DAVEY SPROKIT MY LEFT LUNG SEEMS TO HAVE FOUND NEW FRONTIER
DAVEY SPROKIT ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THAT FIELD
PIGWHEEL HOLY HELL WHAT AM I
PIGWHEEL I HAVE A PIG NOSE AND TWO WHEELS
PIGWHEEL I AM AN ABOMINATION
PIGWHEEL PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY
STACK SOME BEANS
PIGWHEEL WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT
PIGWHEEL ALL YOU DID WAS STACK SOME BEANS
PIGWHEEL WHY AM I STILL ALIVE
DINAMIGHT HELLO SIR MY NAME IS
AND THEN HE EXPLODED BECAUSE HE IS DYNAMITE
GRONDER DURRRH I AM GRONDER
GRONDER YOU WONT GET PAST ME SIR
ONE FREESTYLE RAP BATTLE LATER
GRONDER OH GOD PLEASE NO MORE
GRONDER THE BLOOD IS POOLING AROUND ME AS I SPEAK
BACK AT REBOTNEKS HOWSE
REBOTNEK GRONDER WAS JUST MURDERED IN COLD BLOOD SKRATCH
SKRATCH WHAT A WAY TO GO HUH DR. REBOTNEK
REBOTNEK BUT THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING OF THE END
SKRATCH WHAT DO YOU MEAN SIR
REBOTNEK WE HAVE MORE IN STORE
REBOTNEK READY WAVE THREE
REBOTNEK WE WILL BE VICTORIOUS
== CHEPTER FOR ==
PLOCK YO YO YO WHAT UP
PLOCK I FORGOT MY NAME
PLOCK BUT WHATEVER
PLOCK LET'S BATTLE YO
ONE EXTREME MACRAME COMPETITION LATER
PLOCK BOY I GOT SCHOOLED
PLOCK
PLOCK IT HURTS VERY BADLY
WHAT IS THIS ONE'S NAME DOMO ARIGATO
WHAT IS THIS ONE'S NAME MY NAME IS SIR F-FUZZY LOGIK
WHAT IS THIS ONE'S NAME
WHAT IS THIS ONE'S NAME
WHAT IS THIS ONE'S NAME HOLY HELL IS THAT MY REAL NAME
WHAT IS THIS ONE'S NAME GODDAMN
WHAT IS THIS ONE'S NAME WHATEVER I AM A SAMURAI
WHAT IS THIS ONE'S NAME I WILL BEAT YOU
豆の積み重ね
WHAT IS THIS ONE'S NAME I HAVE FAILED
WHAT IS THIS ONE'S NAME I AM COMING, ANCESTORS
DARGONBREATH A AAAAAAA AAA
AAA AA A AAAAA
DARGONBREATH AAA AAAAAA AA AAAAAAAAAA
CUT: REBOTNEK'S LAB, INT., DAY
REBOTNEK WHAT THE HELL DO YOU KNOW ABOUT POPCORN SKRATCH
SKRATCH BUT I DIDN'T SAY ANYTH
REBOTNEK YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH YOU MUTANT
SKRATCH
REBOTNEK THATS BETTER
REBOTNEK THEY ARE GETTING CLOSER
REBOTNEK WE MUST DEFEND OURSELVES SKRATCH
REBOTNEK WE MUST READY OURSELVES FOR THE FINAL BATTLE
== CHEPTER FIFE ==
SKRATCH SIR I SHALL GO AND STOP THE INTRUDER
REBOTNEK COMMENDABLE SKRATCH
REBOTNEK MAKE DADDY PROUD
SKRATCH THAT'S RIGHT
SKRATCH COME AND GET SOME
"Fine... I will."
SKRATCH WHAT
SKRATCH WAAAAUUGH STOP STABBING ME
SKRATCH GYAAAAARGH
SKRATCH AAAAARGH
SKRATCH GYAAAAAH
SKRATCH AAAH
SKRATCH DIED
"Heh... what a pushover."
REBOTNEK SKRATCH HAVE YOU DISPOSED OF THE INTRU
REBOTNEK
REBOTNEK SKRATCH NO
REBOTNEK WHO DID THIS TO YOU SKRATCH
SNAKE "I did."
REBOTNEK WHO THE HELL ARE YOU
SNAKE "I have no name. Some people call me... Solid Snake."
REBOTNEK I DONT GIVE A CRAP
SNAKE "Whatever the case, I'm here to stop you, Robotnik... or should I say... brother?"
REBOTNEK EXCUSE ME
SNAKE "You don't know, do you?"
REBOTNEK OF COURSE NOT JUST TELL ME
SNAKE "Dr. Robotnik, you and I were part of a project. A project called..."
SNAKE "Las Habas Terribles."
REBOTNEK LAS HABAS TERRIBLES
SNAKE "Las Habas Terribles."
SNAKE "It was a government project to create the perfect super soldier."
SNAKE "The project spawned two children. One had the flawed genes, and one had the perfect genes."
SNAKE "You... you were the perfect one."
REBOTNEK OH REALLY
SNAKE "Yes. You were to be mass-produced in order to create an army of super soldiers..."
SNAKE "... who can consist on nothing but baked beans."
REBOTNEK
SNAKE "I'm here to stop you from becoming mass-produced. I'm here..."
SNAKE "... to save you."
SNAKE "Do you want to be saved, Dr.? Do you?"
REBOTNEK
REBOTNEK YES BROTHER
SNAKE "Alright, then..."
{click}
SNAKE "Any last words, Dr.?"
REBOTNEK
REBOTNEK I HATE THAT HEDGEHOG
SNAKE "Goodnight... Dr. Robotnik."
{BOOM.}
you say you want an explanation
I played Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine very recently. Though I did, honestly, really like the game, the story was unbelievably stupid. In a burst of inspiration, I decided to make a story about it in all caps.
Eventually I was plagued with the decision of how to end it. Naturally, I gave it the MGS ending. So that explains a lot, huh?
Category:Fanfiction
Category:Parodies