Puss in Boots (2011)/Transcript

[first lines]
PUSS IN BOOTS: [voice over] Through the years I have been known by many names: Diablo Gato, The Furry Lover, Chupa Cabra, Frisky Two Times and then The Gingerhead man. But to most, I am Puss in Boots, outlaw! [we see female cat lying on a pillow when we see Puss grabbing his hat] [we see female cat lying on a pillow when we see Puss grabbing his hat]
PUSS: I will never forget you, Margarita. [the cat wakes and scowls and hearing the name] I mean, Rosa. Uh...sorry. I think maybe I should go.
???: You can't run forever, Puss in Boots!
PUSS: What can I say? I was a bad kitty. Just a fugitive from the law, forever running. Searching for a way to clear my name. And I would get that chance on this one fateful night. [Puss walks into a bar and has he walks up to the bar the bar patrons make fun of him]
???: Here, kitty, kitty!
BAR PATRON: Raoul, look what the cat dragged in. Oh, wait! That is the cat! [the bar patrons all laugh, Puss gets to bar and climbs onto the bar stool]
PUSS: One leche, please. [he gives the skull ring he'd stolen earlier to the bartender as payment]
BARTENDER: What are you doing here, Senor? Did you lose your ball of yarn? [the bartender and the patrons laugh, Puss does a fake laugh]
PUSS: So funny.
BARTENDER: One leche coming up. [one of the patrons pull Puss's stool out from under him and the others laugh, suddenly Puss throws his sword at his bounty sign]
PUSS: I am not looking for trouble. I am but a humble gato in search of his next meal. Perhaps you gentlemen can let me find a simple score.
MOUSTACHE MAN: The only thing you'll find tonight is trouble, Puss in Boots. [he holds up Puss's bounty poster] Well perhaps if one of us were to tell the law that you're in town, we could split the reward. [a man come up behind Puss him with a knife but Puss has him at sword-point, managing to cut part of two other patrons' beards off]
PUSS: You made the cat angry. You do not want to make the cat angry! [as Puss is still holding one of the men in the bar at sword-point]
BARTENDER: The church of St. Michael has just put up a golden statue of the Virgin of Guadalupe.
PUSS: I do not steal from churches.
BAR PATRON: Well, the boys orphanage has been donated silver candlesticks, they would look very lovely in your home.
PUSS: I do not steal from orphans.
BAR THIEF: Uh...what about Jack and Jill?
LUIS: Shh! Are you crazy?
PUSS: The what?
MOUSTACHE MAN: The murderous outlaws, Jack and Jill, have gotten their hands on magic beans.
PUSS: Do not joke with me about magic beans! I searched half my life for them. They do not exist.
LUIS: No, cat. We have seen them. [Moustache Man shows Puss the magic beans tattooed on his arm]
MOUSTACHE MAN: These are the beans of legends.
PUSS: Oh!
LUIS: Grows the vine to the land of giants. [Moustache Man opens his shirt to reveal castle in the sky tattooed on his chest] And the golden goose.
PUSS: The golden goose!
MOUSTACHE MAN: One of her eggs could set you up for life.
LUIS: All nine of them. Show him the golden eggs. [Moustache Man gets up and unzips his trousers]
PUSS: No! Please uh...you have uh...shown enough.
LUIS: Only a cat with a death wish would steal the beans from Jack and Jill.
PUSS: The only wish I have is to repay an old debt, and this is my chance. Now... [he draws his sword] Where to I find this Jack and Jill?
RECEPTIONIST: Sorry, we have no rooms.
JACK: Well, I think one just opened up. We'd like a complementary continental breakfast.
JILL: And don't even think about skipping on them baby muffins.
RECEPTIONIST: We don't have any baby muffins.
JACK: You know, Jill, I've been thinking.
JILL: Uuhh! Get it out.
JACK: I um...once we're done with this magic bean business and got ourselves all them beautiful golden eggs.
JILL: Mmhmm. Go on.
JACK: Why don't we cut down on some of the hijackin' and murderin'. I mean it's fun and all, but uh...I wanna a baby.
JILL: A baby what, Jack?
JACK: A baby us, Jill. We'll raise it wild, like a squirrel or somethin'.
PUSS: Holy friojes! They do exist!
JILL: Ever since you fell down that hill and broke your crown, you have been talking crazy.
PUSS: [to the masked cat who has cost Puss getting his hands on the magic beans] Those magic beans were my score. You just caused me a chance of getting the golden eggs, mi amigo. Put up your paws up. [to the masked cat after they end up in a "dance to the death" fight] Fear me, if you dare! [when Puss hits the masked cat, the cat takes off its mask to revealing a female cat]
KITTY SOFTPAWS: You hit me in the head with a guitar?!
PUSS: You uh...uh...you are a woman? 
KITTY: Amateur! [Kitty walks off into a dark alley and Puss follows Kitty]
PUSS: Wow! Senorita, wait! Let me buy you some leche! I am a lover not a...fighter. [as Puss is looking for Kitty in the dark alley] Hello? You are hiding from me? I like to play the games too. I sense in you a kindred spirit. A... [he takes sniff of the air] I smell something familiar, something dangerous, something breakfasty. [Puss hears a voice from behind him]
HUMPTY DUMPTY: It's been a long time, brother. [suddenly Humpty Dumpty rolls in from behind and Puss turns and draws his sword on him]
Puss in Boots: Humpty Alexander Dumpty. How dare you show your face to me!
Humpty Dumpty: I know you're angry, you have every right. But it is good to see you, Puss. [as he walks closer Puss pushes his sword in Humpty's face] Are those new boots?
Puss in Boots: No! They are the same boots I wore when you betrayed me.
[stammers] Betrayed you?
You left me cracked in pieces on a bridge, surrounded by soldiers!
They wrote a song about it!
And how did we get on that bridge in the first place?!
Because we were brothers, and brothers are supposed to look after each other...
Humpty!
Remember why we're here.
I should have known.
I had the magic beans in my grasp, and you sent this very attractive devil woman to interfere.
You are a curse on my life!
Whoa, whoa, wait. Hear me out. OK?
Yes, yes, I sent Kitty to bring you here.
But she is no ordinary thief.
She's Kitty Softpaws.
The softest touch in Spain.
That's a lot of heel for a guy, don't you think?
[sighs]
Look, with Kitty's skill, your sword and my brain, we've got a fighting chance here.
Puss, come on, you of all people know that nobody's ever ripped off the giant's castle and lived to tell the tale.
You want to survive? You need a plan.
And I've studied this job my whole life. You know that.
Let's be honest.
Without me, you don't even know where to plant the beans, Puss.
But Jack and Jill do. They're on their way.
We go up the beanstalk outlaws, and we come down legends.
So what do you say?
Partners?
No. Never again.
I'm sorry, OK? How long are you gonna hold a grudge?
It's been seven years! That's like 35 cat years.
You need me! And I need you.
Puss! You got any idea what they do to eggs in San Ricardo prison?
[ballad stops]
I'll tell you this, my friend.
It ain't over easy.
Ohhh!
Adiós... Humpty Dumpty.
[ballad resumes]
Oh, this is bad. This is bad.
Don't worry, I'll take care of it.
I know how to speak meow.
...sad story with your twisted lies in your greasy shell that smells like old ham!
I should crack you open for... [gasps]
[growls playfully]
[grunting]
[Kitty chuckling] Look what I found.
[sing-songy] Someone forgot his money.
[coins rattle]
Oh, you are dangerous.
[chuckles] Humpty says you like danger.
Just think of all the trouble we can get into.
The two of us together.
We can steal a lot of golden eggs.
Hmm?
[groans]
And... you owe me.
I owe you? Mm-hm.
You hit me in the head with a  guitar.
I regret the guitar.
OK, I forgive you.
So... you're in?
[chuckling]
There is one teeny, tiny, itty-bitty problem.
And what is that?
You work for the egg!
Oh, come on, Puss.
What happened between you and Humpty that was so bad?
I am afraid with me and Humpty...
[sighs] ...the scars are too deep.
[sighs]
It all started a long time ago.
Oh, no. You really don't have to tell me your whole life story, please. You may want to sit.
It is at times quite... painful.
OK, here we go.
It was a year in which the rain had not fallen.
The wind was big and the basket was small. For days, I bounced along... .a hungry little kitten with no milk, no mama, and no litter box.
Until I came to rest at a home for lost children.
[Puss] Her name was Imelda. And, like a mother, she took me into her heart and raised me as her own.
[Imelda] Silencio. Silencio.
[Puss] She was an angel of kindness.
¡Silencio!
[Puss] Most of the time.
I'd like to introduce a new boy joining us. It's OK, pequeño. You show with the face.
Go on.
[Puss] And that was the moment I met...
Humpty Alexander Dumpty.
[boy] Hey, Whiskers!
You're sitting in Little Boy Blue's chair.
[squeaks] Oh, come on. Is this necessary?
Why don't you pick on somebody your own size?
Who asked you, Breakfast?
Remember what Imelda says, Boy Blue:
If you're going to blow your top, you blow your horn instead, right?
Let's spin him. [shrieks]
Please don't spin me. Do not spin me!
Not again! No! I'm gonna yolk!
[Puss] Even though he took my beans, the egg stood up for me, and I decided then... [grunts]
...that I would always have his back.
Wow!
That was very impressive. Thanks!
[horn blowing] [girl] Hey, egg boy!
[girl clucks]
[Puss] There was something about this strange little egg that intrigued me.
[shrieks] Oh... it's you.
I've been collecting for months now.
You never know when you're gonna get lucky. You know what I mean?
[whispering] Magic beans... is what they are.
Hello? You gonna tell all the other kids that I believe in magic now? Is that what you're gonna do?
No? What's your name?
[mews] You don't say much, do you?
I think I'll call you Sparky. Whiskers? Zoltar! How about Puss?
Puss in Boots: [voice over] Humpty's mind was full of imagination and invention. He spoke of legends and adventures beyond my wildest dreams. [we see Humpty and baby Puss lying on the grass looking up at the sky]
Humpty Dumpty: Oh, when I find those magic beans, they'll grow a vine straight up into the clouds where a terrible and a fearsome giant hoards his greatest treasure, the golden goose. Oh, the golden goose. Just one...just one of her golden eggs could set me for life. It's my destiny, Puss. I can't really explain it, but I just feel like I belong up there. [he sighs and Puss sighs along with him, Humpty turns to Puss] Well, this is awkward. This is kind of uh...a solo dream here. I don't really need a dead weight, you know? Hold me down. [Puss turns to face Humpty making big cute eyes at him] What are you doin'? Oh man, that's good. The...the...the eye thing that you're doin', that is really splendid.Okay, let me just think for a second, alright? Okay, uh...this is crazy but I am considering a partnership. I just need to know one thing. Can you commit?
Puss in Boots: Si, I can commit.
Humpty Dumpty: Oh, you can talk! Could you help me up? [flashback shows Humpty and Puss forming their secret magic bean club] First rule of bean club, you do not talk about bean club. Second rule of bean club, you don't talk about bean club. [Humpty takes a needle from a box] Ready?
Puss in Boots: Ready. [Humpty pricks his finger with the needle]
Humpty Dumpty: From this day forth, it shall be known. [Puss takes the needs from Humpty and pricks his finger]
Puss in Boots: Never alone, always together. 
Humpty Dumpty: Humpty and Puss... [they shake the hands they've just pricked with the needle] 
Humpty and Puss: Brothers forever.
Puss in Boots: [voice over] And from that moment on we were united on a great adventure to find the magic beans.Humpty was the brains and I was the skill.
Humpty Dumpty: Well, we got red beans, we got green beans, coffee beans, lima beans but no magic beans. 
Puss in Boots: Would you care for a jelly bean? 
Humpty Dumpty: Oh, thank you. [referring to the magic beans]
Puss in Boots: [voice over] Finding them meant everything to us. But we never did find them. And as the years passed, the quest for magic beans seemed more and more like a dreams of a child. As teenagers, Humpty and I looked for trouble and often found it. [flashback of Puss becoming the hero of the town after saving the Comandate's mother from being hit by the horns of a bull]
Imelda: These are for you, my boy. Wear them as a symbol of honor and justice.
Puss in Boots: I will make you proud, mama. Imelda: You already have. My Puss in Boots. [Imelda places his now famous hat on Puss' head]
Puss in Boots: [voice over] How strange it was to be a cat in boots, but woh, I look good! And as the light of my path grew brighter, Humpty's road grew ever darker. [flashback of when Puss bails Humpty out of jail] 
Humpty Dumpty: I know. I know. I never should have tried something without you. 
Puss in Boots: You're not stealing lollipops anymore, Humpty. This is getting serious. 
Humpty Dumpty: You're right. We have to be smarter about this. Here, look. We need to think bigger. I've been casing the silver smith and it's perfect. [he holds up his plan for stealing] You and me, in and out, fifty seconds tops! 
Puss in Boots: Will you put that away! This is our home, these people have done nothing to us. 
Humpty Dumpty: Our home? Okay, yeah. I get it now. You get some fancy boots and now you're too good for me? Puss in Boots: That is not true. Humpty Dumpty: We weren't born here. We're orphans and all we got is each other. You understand? 
Puss in Boots: We are better than this. 
Humpty Dumpty: But we're partners.
Puss in Boots: We are brothers. But I am not stealing anymore. [voice over] But Humpty would not give up so easily. [flashback of when Humpty deceives Puss into helping him rob San Ricardo Bank] How could you do this to me?! 
Humpty Dumpty: I did you a favor! We can finally get out of here. 
Puss in Boots: This is the money of the people. This is all they have! [suddenly the Comandate grabs Puss and Puss instinctively scratches him in the face] 
Comandate: You disgrace those boots. 
Puss in Boots: Comandate, please! I can explain. 
Comandate: [to his guards] Arrest them! [Humpty and Pussy make a getaway in the wagon with the guards chasing them] 
Humpty Dumpty: Hurry up! Get to a bridge! 
Puss in Boots: You tricked me! 
Humpty Dumpty: I had too! You left me no choice! [as the guards are chasing them their wagon tips over the bridge with all the gold thrown into the water and Humpty has fallen to the ground] Puss, save me! 
Puss in Boots: Save yourself. [the guards grab Humpty and as they come to grab Puss he throws himself over the bridge] [voice over] I lost everything I cared about that day. My brother, my honor, my home. All I thought about was the disappointment in my mama's eyes. And I have been running ever since. [back to the present as he's finishing telling his story to Kitty] The egg betrayed me. His lies cost me everything. [Kitty is asleep snoring loudly] Hey!
Humpty Dumpty: Listen, a day...a day doesn't go by when I don't think about what I lost. I lost my best friend, my only friend. And I get it now, I got greedy and desperate and I let you down, I let myself down. All I'm asking for, Puss, is a second chance. Give me that second chance and I'll help repay you back San Ricardo. Please, Puss. Let me show you what our friendship mean to me.
 
Puss in Boots: I will do it.
 
Humpty Dumpty: Oh, that's great.
 
Puss in Boots: I will do this for my mother and for San Ricardo, not for you. We are not partners and we're not friends.
 
Humpty Dumpty: Okay and I...I promise this time I will not let you down. Yes! I think we got our bean club back!
 
Puss in Boots: This plan better work.
 
Kitty Softpaws: Listen, you just need to worry about your part. Don't screw it up. What?
 
Puss in Boots: Again with the mask?
 
Kitty Softpaws: I don't need style advice from Mr. Dusty Boots.
 
Jack: Our biological clocks are tickin', darlin'. You gotta start lookin' at the big picture.
 
Jill: Listen, I put a lot of work into my body. I look good and I am not just gonna throw it away. [after Jack and Jill have caught Puss and Kitty trying to steal the beans] Alright, cat! Give me them beans! [she holds Puss by his leg over the edge of the cliff] Is it true, a cat always lands on its feet?
 
Puss in Boots: No! That is just a rumor spread by dogs!
 
Jill: Well let's find out. [just as Jill is about to throw Puss over the edge Humpty drives his wagon close by and Puss lands inside the wagon] [after Puss has found out Kitty has no claws]
 
Kitty Softpaws: I am called Kitty Softpaws because I'll steal you blind and you'll never even know I was there. [she holds up Puss's money sack that she's just stolen from inside his boot]
 
Puss in Boots: Kitty, you're not as good as they say. You're better. I will respect your privacy. [telling Puss the story of how she lost her claws]
 
Kitty Softpaws: I was just a stray, but I had beautiful claws. One day a really nice couple took me in, gave me milk every morning, loved me. Maybe I scratched her curtains or play too rough with the hamster. I don't know why they did it, but they took my claws.
 
Puss in Boots: Cat people are crazy. [after they've planted the magic beans but only a small bean sprout pops up]
 
Humpty Dumpty: What's happening here?
 
Puss in Boots: Maybe the magic rubbed off in your pocket.
 
Humpty Dumpty: That's impossible!
Kitty Softpaws: Okay. Okay. Let's not panic. You know I read somewhere that plants have feelings. So, come on. Say something nice to it.
 
Humpty Dumpty: Okay. Let me just think for a second. [he leans close to the plant] Hi, little plant. [suddenly the plant shoots up and grows all the way to the sky] [after they've ended up at the top of the beanstalk in the sky, they're voices sound squeaky] Uh...guys! [Humpty suddenly slips off the giant leaf of the beanstalk]
 
Puss and Kitty: Humpty!
 
Puss in Boots: I do not see him. Did you see him?
 
Kitty Softpaws: I don't see him anywhere.
 
Puss in Boots: You sound...weird. [suddenly Humpty pops up from one of the clouds in the sky]
 
Humpty Dumpty: It's the thin air. Come on in, it feels great! [as they play around in the clouds] Somewhere down there, there are two little kids. I don't know, maybe orphans, and they're laying on a hill staring at the clouds dreaming about the future. That was me and you, Puss. Me and you.
 
Kitty Softpaws: Boys, you might wanna take a look at this. [they stare up and see the castle in the clouds]
 
Humpty Dumpty: The giants castle! Okay, time to suit up.
 
Puss in Boots: Humpty! [Puss and Kitty watch in disgust as Humpty gets undressed]
 
Humpty Dumpty: I'll fit right in with the golden eggs. [Humpty changes into into a golden suit] Brilliant or what, huh?
 
Kitty Softpaws: Humpty, you're not wearing underwear!
 
Humpty Dumpty: What? Are you embarrassed? I'm not. Puss, remember when everyone was laughing at bean club? And who is laughing now? We are! [as they enter the castle] That is our target.
 
Kitty Softpaws: Hey, you don't sound like an elf anymore.
 
Humpty Dumpty: It's because the air pressure in here is normal.
 
Puss in Boots: Let's go! So here is the plan. You two get the golden eggs, I will fight the giant.
 
Humpty Dumpty: There's no giant to fight. The giant's been dead for years.
 
Puss in Boots: What?!
 
Humpty Dumpty: You didn't do the reading, did you? Oh, boy! Jack and the beanstalk, chapter fourteen. Giant takes a big dirt nap.
 
Kitty Softpaws: What was that?
 
Humpty Dumpty: They call it The Great Terror. It's the monster that guards the golden goose. Legend has it that if you look at it, you'll turn to stone. But nobody really knows, because nobody's walked away from it alive. Follow me and keep quiet. [they follow Humpty towards the golden goose but Humpty suit keeps squeaking loudly]
 
Kitty Softpaws: Shh! Humpty!
 
Humpty Dumpty: I can't...I can't help it! Everything's rubbing and pinching. I need powder! [as they hear the giant monster waking up]
 
Puss in Boots: Do not worry. I will protect you.
 
Kitty Softpaws: What are you gonna do? Hit it in the head with a guitar?
 
Puss in Boots: Please, stop bringing up the guitar. [they find the golden eggs lying around in the grass within the castle grounds]
 
Humpty Dumpty: Look at this! It's egg paradise! Oh, it's so beautiful. I feel like I belong here. [he laughs and runs towards the eggs] [referring to the golden goose as the golden eggs are too heavy to take] Let's just take her.
 
Puss in Boots: Wait a minute! This is the goose of legend. We don't know what happens if we take her.
 
Humpty Dumpty: I know what happens if we don't take her, we got nothin'!
 
Kitty Softpaws: Guys! Guys! It's a gold pooper! We're taking it! [as Jack is putting a nappy on a piglet]
 
Jill: Look at that! You finally got that family you wanted, Jack. [Jack holds up the piglet]
 
Jack: You here that? I think it just called me daddy.
 
Jill: Oh! He looks just like you, Jack.
 
Jack: Thank you. [as they are dancing, celebrating stealing the golden goose]
 
Puss in Boots: There is one word for you, Kitty Softpaws. Me-wow!
 
Kitty Softpaws: I know you have quite a reputation with the ladies, Mr. Frisky Two Times.
 
Puss in Boots: I've also been knowns as The Fury Lover! But that was before I met you.
 
Kitty Softpaws: You don't know me, Puss. I'm not who you think I am. I'm all about the score.
 
Puss in Boots: Come on! Look me in the eyes and tell me all you care about is the gold?
 
Kitty Softpaws: Puss.
 
Puss in Boots: Kitty. [as he comes close to kiss Kitty suddenly Humpty shoves the golden goose in Puss's face and takes Kitty]
 
Humpty Dumpty: New partners! [he starts dancing with Kitty] Do not fall for his animal magnetism! Stay focused. [after he's taken Kitty from under Humpty and continues dancing with her]
 
Puss in Boots: So, I have been thinking, Miss Softpaws, that when we go our separate ways we can go our separate ways together.
 
Kitty Softpaws: Puss, you have to go now.
 
Puss in Boots: You do not have to push me away anymore. You can trust me.
 
Kitty Softpaws: But... [suddenly Humpty comes between them interrupting their moment]
 
Humpty Dumpty: Give it up for the legend of San Ricardo! Humpty and Puss, we did it! [after they've finished dancing]
 
Kitty Softpaws: I'm calling it a night, guys.
 
Puss in Boots: Kitty, stay up with us.
 
Kitty Softpaws: No, I feel a... [she coughs] ...hairball coming on. [she walks off]
 
Humpty Dumpty: Okay, yeah. Have fun with that! [to Puss] We should give her some privacy.
 
Puss in Boots: I never thought we would get here, after all we went through. To pull this off together. It is good to have my brother back.
 
Humpty Dumpty: Yep, it sure is. Well, we have a big day tomorrow. Really exciting stuff. We should get some rest. [he closes his golden suit rolls over and the golden goose jumps on top of him]
 
Puss in Boots: Good night, Humpty. [as Puss is about to fall asleep, Jack and Jill sneak up behind Puss and knock him out]
Puss in Boots: I'm still alive! Jack and Jill. Kitty? Humpty? I will find you. Get out of here!
[Puss enters San Ricardo and sees the shadow of Jack and Jill holding Humpty and follows them]
Humpty Dumpty: What do you...what do you want? Gold? I have gold!
Jill: Jack, egg's tryin' to bribe us.
Jack: Hah, with our own gold.
Jill: Come on now. All we want is a little breakfast.
Humpty Dumpty: No! No! No! Please!
Jack: How do you like your eggs, pumpkin? [Puss sees the shadow of Jack and Jill breaking egg]
Puss in Boots: Humpty! No!
Humpty Dumpty: Aaah! [suddenly Puss sees breaking open a bottle of champagne and laughing] [as Puss comes upon Humpty celebrating with Jack, Jill and the men that Puss met in the tavern that told him the story about the magic beans and the golden goose]
Puss in Boots: What is going on? 
Humpty Dumpty: It's a surprise party and the surprise is on you! 
Jill: Looks like cat's out of the bag. [they laugh] 
Puss in Boots: You were in cahoots?! 
Humpty Dumpty: Oh, yeah! They all work for me. I spend a lot of time in the prison preparing for this. 
Puss in Boots: You set me up?
Humpty Dumpty: Oh, yeah! Set you up? Of course! You think this was all about getting the gold and clearing your name? This little adventure was about one thing. Revenge! You never knew it, Puss. But I was always there. You wanted to repay and old debt, Puss? Well so did I. 
Puss in Boots: Why would you do this? 
Humpty Dumpty: You left me on that bridge! You abandoned me when I needed you the most. What happened to brothers forever?! 
Puss in Boots: I trusted you! 
Humpty Dumpty: Well now you're finally gonna know what it feels like. You know? To trust someone and have them stab you in the back! Guards! [the Comandante's guards surround Puss] 
Comandate: Puss in Boots, you are under arrest for the robbery of the San Ricardo bank! Humpty Dumpty: Consider this the final meeting of bean club.
Puss in Boots: I should scramble you with onions! [in jail taking Puss's possessions]
Comandate: One hat. One belt. And two boots. Once a symbol of honor. One bottle of catnip! 
Puss in Boots: Uh...it is for my glaucoma. [thrown in his jail cell Puss meets an old prisoner shackled to the wall]
Andy Beanstalk: It looks like the egg got what he wanted.
 
Puss in Boots: You talking about Humpty?
 
Andy Beanstalk: Ublee..ublee...umm! Don't say his name! I used to share this cell with that smelly thing. Happiest day of my life was when he left, till I realized he stole my magic beans.
Puss in Boots: Wait! Wait! Wait! You had the beans? Who are you? [the prisoner has fallen asleep snoring loudly] Hey! What's your name?
 
Andy Beanstalk: Uuh! Andy Beanstalk, my parents call me Jack. I traded the family cow for them beans. Of course it wasn't my family's cow, some others family's family cow. That's why I got eight to ten year. Always know which cow's you're... [he falls asleep again snoring loudly]
 
Puss in Boots: Crazy man! Wake up! What else do you know?
 
Andy Beanstalk: We're all goners! Thanks to that little stinky! I told him! I told him not to take the goose, but all he wanted was his revenge.
 
Don't take the goose. Why?
The Great Terror! That's the Golden Goose's mama.
Oh, no.
And she will be out for blood when she comes back for her baby.
[gasps] Guard!
San Ricardo is in terrible danger! You must listen to me!
Quiet, you!
[groans] Shut up.
Open the door.
Drop the weapon.
Very good.
Step aside.
No. [grunts]
Diablo Gato! [gasps]
Nice try. [snickers]
Puss in Boots: Don't take the goose. Why? [the old man's fallen asleep again and Puss slaps him awake]
 
Andy Beanstalk: The Great Terror! That's the golden goose's mom.
 
Puss in Boots: Oh, no.
 
Andy Beanstalk: And she will be out for blood when she comes back for her baby. [after she's helped Puss escape from jail]
Kitty Softpaws: I hope you can forgive me.
 
Andy Beanstalk: Apology accepted! [he runs off]
 
Puss in Boots: I don't really have time for you. I have to save the town from The Great Terror.
 
Kitty Softpaws: Wait, Puss! Don't you see, I'm here because...I am here because you made me realize that there is something I can care about more than gold.
 
Puss in Boots: Some thing?
 
Kitty Softpaws: Okay, someone. He's about two feet tall, wears high heels.
 
Puss in Boots: Handsome?
 
Kitty Softpaws: He's very handsome.
 
Puss in Boots: A real beefcake?
 
Kitty Softpaws: Mmhmm.
 
Puss in Boots: A stallion?
 
Kitty Softpaws: Yes.
 
Puss in Boots: Tiger?
 
Kitty Softpaws: Oh, brother! [Puss laughs]
 
Puss in Boots: But, this does not make us even. [as they are fighting the guards] I saved you. You owed me one. You didn't tell me about Humpty. So now you owe me two.
 
Kitty Softpaws: Oh, you are a lot of work.
 
Puss in Boots: I know, but I am worth it! [Puss draws his sword at Humpty]
Puss in Boots: I shall make you into an egg salad sandwich! 
Humpty Dumpty: Aah! That is disgusting! 
Puss in Boots: Give me the goose, Humpty.
Humpty Dumpty: No can do, I'm afraid. See the mama's on her way and when she gets here, it's bye bye San Ricardo and everything you ever cared about. 
Puss in Boots: Revenge on me is one thing, but why Imelda? Why the orphanage? This is our home. 
Humpty Dumpty: You mean your home. I...I never belonged here. We had a plan to get out of here, but then you became a hero and you picked this place over me. You left me with nothing. 
Puss in Boots: Humpty, I'm sorry I hurt you. But do not take it out on these people. You are better than this.
Humpty Dumpty: No, I'm not. 
Puss in Boots: Oh, come on! I know the real Humpty. The way you saw the world, the inventor, the dreamer. What happened to that guy? [as they hear The Great Terror getting nearer to San Ricardo] 
Humpty Dumpty: I think it's too late. 
Puss in Boots: It is never too late to do the right thing. Together we can save San Ricardo. I can forgive you, Humpty, if you help me now. 
Humpty Dumpty: Really? After everything I put you through. 
Puss in Boots: Prove to me there is still a good egg in you. 
Humpty Dumpty: I'll try. [as Humpty and the golden goose are hanging over the edge of the broken bridge and Puss is holding onto their ropes] Here we are again. Right, Puss? 
Puss in Boots: I will not leave you behind this time, Humpty. [the rope that is holding the golden goose starts to unravel] 
Humpty Dumpty: I'm sorry, Puss. I've made a mess out of everything. I'm a rotten egg! I'm not...I'm not a person, I'm not a bird, I'm not even a food. I don't know what I am. 
Puss in Boots: You are what you have always been, my brother.
Humpty Dumpty: Brothers forever. [as Puss attempts to pull up Humpty's rope the edge of the bridge breaks making Puss fall further down the rope] You can't save us both.
Puss in Boots: Yes, I can. Just hang on.
HUMPTY: Puss, you have to save the baby or the mama will destroy San Ricardo. It's the right thing to do.
PUSS: I will not let you go, Humpty.
HUMPTY: I know you won't, so I won't make you choose. [suddenly Humpty let's go of the rope falling to his death leaving Puss free to save the golden goose]
PUSS: Humpty! [Puss looks down the end of the bridge to look for Humpty's body but instead sees a golden egg lying on a rock] Humpty, I always knew that you were good inside. [the giant mother goose and the golden goose take the golden egg and fly off] Goodbye, Humpty. [Puss enters San Ricardo again, now a hero to the people]
PUSS: I have to go, the soldiers are coming for me. [Imelda hugs Puss]
IMELDA: I am so proud of you, my son. Today you faced the past with bravery and honor. You earned those boots and the people know that you are San Ricardo's greatest hero.
PUSS: I did it for you, mama.
IMELDA: You will always be in my heart.
PUSS: And you in mine. [as they dance on the rooftops getting away from the Comandate and his guards] I will see you again, Kitty Softpaws.
KITTY: Sooner than you think. [Puss looks down and sees his boots are missing and looks across at Kitty she holds up his boots]
PUSS: She is a bad kitty. [she blows him a kiss and goes off] [voice over] This is the story of a cat who became a hero. An outlaw dedicated to justice and a lover of beautiful women. A great, great lover. Really, it is crazy. I am Puss in Boots! And my name would become legend.
[End of Puss in Boots]
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