Garfield Gets Real/Transcript

[It was morning at the cartoon world. In a little house, lies a napping cat. He was Garfield, one of the most famous characters in funnies history. The morning sun shined down on him, but he doesn’t want to wake up. He used his foot to close the curtain. As he naps, the shutter opens, letting the sun in. Garfield was startled by their unexpected arrival and the sun. He tries to get some sleep in some different spots, but he couldn’t see anything.]
Garfield: I hate Mondays.
[His owner, Jon Arbuckle, was busy making breakfast in the kitchen. He got the eggs and toasts ready. His pet dog, Odie, came into the kitchen.]
Jon: Good morning, Odie.
Odie: (barks)
Jon: Are you hungry, boy?
Odie: (barks)
Jon: Attaboy! Well, breakfast is nearly ready. We’ll eat as soon I arouse ‘Mr. Grumpy.’ Garfield! Breakfast!
Garfield: Well, what do you know? I guess every cloud does have a silver lining.
[He hits his head on a shelf, causing books to topple down on Garfield. A few seconds later, the shelves fell on Garfield.]
Jon: Oh my.
Odie: Uh oh.
[Garfield arrived at the kitchen.]
Jon: Good morning, Garfield.
Garfield: Good morning? Good morning? Jon. It's Monday. Monday is the armpit of the week. It's like a black hole on the calendar that just sucks all the joy out of your entire being.
Jon: Lighten up, Garfield. You're the star of a comic strip.
Garfield: Work is the big part of the problem.
Jon: Well, you better cheer up fast, pal, because we leave for work in 20 minutes.
[Garfield tries to squirt ketchup on his food, but it spills all over his breakfast.]
Garfield: I could just cry. (sighs)
[Garfield and Odie got into Jon’s car, and they drove off. A cartoon superhero flew by to greet them.]
Jon: Good morning.
[The superhero then got tangled in some telephone wires. Next, a cartoon cat is seen chasing two mice.]
Jon: Hello there.
[The cat ran into a fire hydrant. The car stopped to pick up Arlene and Nermal.]
Arlene: There they are.
Nermal: Morning, guys.
Garfield: Uh, why don’t you sit in the back, Odie? (puts Odie in the back)
Arlene: Good morning, Garfield.
Garfield: Good morning, Arlene. Hey, why don’t you sit up there with…
[Nermal sat next to Garfield.]
Nermal: Hiya, Garfield.
Garfield: Get in the back, Nermal.
Arlene: I’ll just sit in back.
[Arlene sits in the back, much to Garfield’s chagrin.]
Jon: Buckle up, kids.
[They continue their drive to the studio.]
Garfield: This is gonna be a long drive.
Nermal: Hey Garfield, guess what day it is today?
Garfield: I know what day it is, Nermal.
Nermal: Oh, come on. Guess.
Garfield: Nermal…
Nermal: I guess you don’t know.
Garfield: It’s Monday.
Nermal: It’s whaaaat?
Garfield: Monday!
Nermal: And... (in singsong voice) you hate Mondays! M to the Ondays! You hate ‘em! You hate ‘em! Yeah!
Garfield: Not as much as I hate you, Nermal.
[Soon, they arrived at the studio.]
Jon: Hey, Jack.
Jack: Howdy.
[The gate was open, and they have reached the studio. They went inside the studio cafeteria, where they see some other famous comic strip characters.]
Jon: Good morning, Billy Bear.
Billy Bear: That’s my name. Don’t wear it out.
Jon: How are you, Randy Rabbit?
Randy Rabbit: Jon, I'm fantastic.
Garfield: (sighs) Man, here we go.
He went past Dagwood, who was carrying a very big sandwich. He went over to get some lunch.
Garfield: Zelda, Zelda, Zelda, how’s my favorite catering ones today?
Zelda poured coffee in Garfield’s cup.
Garfield: What’s your poison du’jour?
Zelda: Cat creole. Care for some?
Garfield: Ever thought of just letting your hair down?
Zelda: Ah.
Garfield: I bet you’d be a heartbreaker, baby cake. (meows)
[We then see Wally and his wife, Bonita. Wally was playing an accordion.]
Bonita: Walter, please.
Wally: Sorry, dear.
Bonita: Why must you always be fiddling with things? I mean why can’t you just sit quietly like a good husband?
Wally: Yes, dear.
Garfield: Yo, Wally.
Wally: Hey, Garfield.
Garfield: So what’s the world’s greatest inventor up to today?
Wally: Watch.
[His accordion stretched over to a cookie and a robot hand grabs it.]
Bonita: I thought I had another cookie.
Garfield: Hey, where can I get one of those?
Wally: I’ll put you on the list. (eats cookie)
Billy Bear: Contrary to popular belief, nose blowing is an art. Let me demonstrate. The toot.
[He blows his nose on a handkerchief and out came a trumpet.]
Jon: Not bad.
Garfield: Oh, man. I gotta get out of this place.
Billy Bear: The whoopee cushion.
[He inflates his head and blows through the handkerchief.]
Jon: Heh heh. I love it when he does that.
[Garfield throws his cup and the frog trash can caught it with its tongue.]
Frog Trash Can: Mmm. Thanks.
Garfield: Live it up, pal.
Billy Bear: And my fave, the Party Blow Out.
[He blows his nose on the handkerchief, and it made different horn noises. Soon, the handkerchief landed on Bonita.]
Billy Bear: Thar she blows.
Bonita: You are disgusting!
Billy Bear: Now you’re gettin’ it.
Bonita: Walter, let’s go!
Walter: Yes, dear.
Randy Rabbit: Look! Here comes Betty! Everyone, act naturally.
[As they went back to their seats, the door opened to show Betty.]
Betty: Good morning, everyone.
[Betty saw Randy flat as a pancake from the door.]
Betty: Oh! Randy! Oh, my dear heavens. I didn’t see you there. Oh, sweetheart, I’m so, so sorry.
[Randy Rabbit inflated himself back to normal.]
Betty: That was a good one, guys.
[Arlene heads out to see Garfield looking glum.]
Arlene: Are you okay, Garfield? You seem to be depressed.
Garfield: I prefer to think of it as pensive.
Arlene: Well, if pensive means being a butt, then l'll go with that.
Garfield: I’m just tired of doing the comic strip. Going through the same routine every day. Hearing the same tired jokes every day. Every day. Oh, man. A change of scenery would be wonderful. I need a break.
Arlene: A break from me?
Garfield: This isn't about you, Arlene. It's about me.
Arlene: Did you ever notice it's always about you?
[Two men wheel in some stuff. Garfield picks something out of the pile.]
Garfield: Hey, I meant to you give this.
[He hands her a rose.]
Arlene: Why, Garfield, how sweet. Oh, and here I am being all paranoid.
Garfield: Paranoia's good. It's, you know, it's good to… Nobody should take a relationship for granted.
Old Man: Monday roughs!
Garfield: Oh, how ‘bout that? Time to go to work.
[In the cafeteria…]
Old Man: Here you go, Betty. (hands Betty the scripts)
Betty: Oh, thank you. 
Old Man: Anytime!
Betty: (to the gang) The scripts are here, people! We have a comics page to get out!
[They went to the stage room, where the setting is on stage.]
Director: Tempus fugit, people. Today, I need Garfield and Odie.
Nermal: Are you sure I’m not in the script?
Director: Did I ask for Nermal to step forward? (to Keith) Keith, did the name ‘Nermal’ escape my lips?
Keith: I don’t think so.
Director: There you go. I don’t think so.
Nermal: Awww.
Director: Prop boy!
Prop Boy: Uh, yes. You called, sir?
Director: The script calls for a bone.
Prop Boy: A bone. Let’s see. (checks his pockets, but couldn’t find it) Uh, I’ll be back in one second. (runs off and returns with the prop bone; throws it to Odie) Hey, don’t get too attached to that bone, you two. It’s the official property of the prop department.
Garfield: Can Jon do my lines today? (yawns) I need a nap.
Director: How about the sooner I tell you to do, the sooner you get to take a nap.
Garfield: Why do I put up with this?
Director: Alright, let’s shoot, people! Eli, bring up the park set!
Eli: You got it.
[He brings up the park set to the stage.]
Director: Are we ready to shoot?
[Odie got up on stage, but not Garfield.]
Director: Where is Garfield? (sees Garfield sitting on a box) Garfield, get over here!
Garfield: (sighs) I really need a break.
[He got up on stage.]
Director: Places, people! Action!
Garfield: Odie and I enjoy each other’s company.
Director: Take it.
[The photo was taken.]
Director: Bring up the roller coaster set.
Eli: Coming up.
[The set became a roller coaster set with a fan in front.]
Director: Action!
Garfield: Whether it’s going to an amusement park. Whoopee!
Director: Take it.
[Another picture was taken.]
Director: Bring up the kitchen set.
Eli: Yes, sir.
[Garfield and Odie were now on a table in the kitchen set.]
Director: Action!
Garfield: Or just getting together for kicks. (kicks Odie off the table)
Director: Take it.
[Another picture was taken.]
Director: Perfect.
[Odie sneaks off with the prop bone in his mouth.]
Director: That’s a wrap on Garfield. Keep moving, people. We have two more scripts to do.
[Garfield went to the same room he went to before. He sees Odie from behind a vending machine.]
Garfield: Sup, dog.
[Odie hugs the prop bone.]
Garfield: Aw, you’re in love with the bone.
Odie: Yeah! Yeah!
Garfield: And you don’t want the prop boy to take it back.
Odie: Uh uh.
Garfield: What would a smart dog do with that bone?
Odie: I don’t know.
Garfield: A smart dog would hide it from the prop boy. Good luck.
[At the stage, Billy Bear and Randy Rabbit were busy making a comic strip. It had them fishing in a boat.]
Randy Rabbit: Fishing is stupid, Billy.
Billy Bear: You won’t see that till dinnertime, Randy.
Director: Take it!
[A picture was taken.]
Randy Rabbit: Why? What are we having for dinner?
[A shark appeared from the water.]
Director: Take it.
[Another photo was taken.]
Billy Bear: Pizza!
Randy Rabbit: We’re fishing for pizza?
Director: Take it.
Billy Bear: Ahhhhh!!
[Another photo was taken.]
Director: Perfect. Let’s get everything ready for the Stegmuns.
[The shark was Prop Boy in the costume.]
Prop Boy: Was it good for you? ‘Cause I really felt like a shark.
Director: Yes, kid. You are marvelous. Absolutely marvelous. Keep it moving, people!
[In the room, Odie was trying to find a place to hide the prop bone.
He tries hiding it under the table leg. That won't work. He hides it behind the Dagwood poster, but it falls out. Odie tried the drawer, but the bone was too big. He hid it in the sofa, but it popped out. Prop Boy entered the room.
Odie: Uh oh.
[The dog figured a way to hide it.]
Prop Boy: Okay, dog, where's my prop bone?
Odie: (with a bone in his mouth) I don’t know.
Prop Boy: I'm keeping an eye on you, dog. 
[He leaves the room. Garfield entered the room where Eli was working.]
Garfield: Hey, Eli.
Eli: Hey, Garfield.
Garfield: (yawns) Would you mind if I just slip under your control station for a little nap?
Eli: Help yourself.
Garfield: Thanks. (sighs)
Eli: Maybe a nap will put you in a better mood.
Garfield: I’m in a rut, Eli. I’m just tired of this job and I’m tired of doing the same thing over and over. I need a change. (presses a button which drops out sets)
Eli: Garfield, don’t touch that. A lot of people would kill to do what you do. You have adoring fans. You’re a celebrity, man.
Garfield: Wow, it must be nice.
Eli: What’s nice?
Garfield: Sitting around pushing buttons all day.
Eli: Why do I even talk to you?
[Wally and Bonita were now filming a comic strip at a diner.]
Wally: Hey Bonita, why did the existential chicken cross the road?
Director: Take it!
[A picture was taken.]
Bonita: An existential chicken wouldn’t have to cross the road if he didn’t perceive a road, Walter.
Director: Take it.
[Another picture was taken.]
Bonita: Now be a good boy and take out the trash.
Wally: I don’t perceive any trash, Bonita.
Director: Take it.
[Another picture was taken. Another comic strip made.]
Director: Perfect. That’s a wrap, people. Put it to bed and print it.
Betty: Aye aye, captain. Right away, sir.
[Odie continues to try to find a way to hide the prop bone. Using it as a chair leg didn’t work, and trying to hide it under a very table did no good. The comic strips were printed in the computer, ready to be sent to the real world.]
Betty: (uses intercom) Attention, Eli. Attention, Eli. The comic strips are ready for transmission. I repeat, the comic strips are ready for transmission.
Eli: Betty, why do you use the intercom?
Betty: Oh, well because… (uses intercom) it’s kind of neat. (stops using intercom) That’s why, Eli.
Eli: Alright. Let’s get the screen ready.
[The stage now showed a screen and the place had seats.]
Eli: It’s showtime.
[The comic strip was printed and was sent to a newspaper in a place in Indiana. The paper with the comic strip was delivered to a family.]
Father: Smells good, sweetie.
Mother: Kids, breakfast!
Father: And the funnies are here!
[The kids arrived at the dinner table.]
Father: Alright, let’s see what’s going on at the comics.
[At Comix Studios, the cartoon characters were seated.]
Eli: Let’s watch someone read the comics.
[He pressed a button to show the father reading the Billy Bear comic to his kids.]
Father: And Billy Bear says ‘Pizza!’ ‘We’re fishing for pizza?’ And what does Billy Bear say?
Son: Ahhhhhh!
Billy Bear: Roar! You’ve got it, Rusty! What a great kid. He’s one of my biggest fans.
Bonita: Oh, give me a break.
Nermal: Hey Eli, show us some more newspapers.
Randy Rabbit: Yeah. Change the channel.
Eli: Here you go.
[The screen switched to a park. It went past a hot dog stand.]
Garfield: Whoa, whoa. Back it up.
[The screen showed the hot dog stand.]
Garfield: Eli, look over at the hot dogs and zoom in.
Eli: You got it, Garfield.
[The screen zoomed to some hot dogs.]
Garfield: That is one of the most beautiful sights I’ve ever seen.
[Garfield dreamed that he was in a world of hot dogs and condiments.]
Garfield: Oh yeah. That’s beautiful.
[He saw the vendor rowing a hot dog boat.]
Vendor: Here, kitty, kitty. Come on over.
Garfield: Oh, boy. Yummy.
[He went down and ate some hot dogs. Meanwhile, Odie went through a door to find a hiding place for the prop bone. He hides it at a poster saying ‘do not remove!’ Odie opened the tear and the prop bone got sucked into the real world. Garfield was still in his hot dog dream when the alarm sounded off.]
Garfield: What...what's going...
Prop Boy: (sees the prop bone in the real world) Hey, that’s my bone!
Eli: Ugh. Great.
[He opens the curtains to show Odie near the tear.]
Eli: Step away from the patch in the screen, Odie.
Odie: Awww.
Eli: Everybody stay away from the patch in the screen or you’ll end up in the real world with no way back like Odie’s bone.
Garfield: The real world. That’s the change I need.
Eli: Prop boy! Bring me the special tape.
Prop Boy: Okay, let’s see. (checks his pockets) Uh, just a second. (runs off)
[Garfield had snuck into the real world through the tear. He was now in the real world.]
Eli: Garfield!
Arlene: Garfield?
Jon: Garfield!
Garfield: Whoa! I’m in the real world! Look, I’m a real cat! This is the real deal. Oh, man. This is just the change I needed. Oh, yes! (smells the air) Wow. What is that smell?
[He jumps on the cart and eats some hot dogs.]
Vendor: Huh? Get out of here, you crazy cat! Come on! Get out of here!
Garfield: Hey, I know you people in the real world can’t understand what I’m saying… (vendor throws a hot dog at him) I love you, man.
Vendor: Crazy cat! 
Garfield: This is great. No more boring job at the comic. No more slobbering dog to bug me. I’m free to do whatever I want. Oh, wow! Here’s to my new life!
[He eats the hot dog in one gulp. Back in the comic world...]
Jon: I don’t believe it. My cat, gone. What just happened?
Eli: Alright. Everybody, listen up. This screen separates the comic world from the real world. The comic world is pressurized like an airplane. If you get sucked into the real world, there’s no way back.
Prop Boy: (arrives with the tape) Special tape.
Eli: Are there any questions?
[The tear sucked up Prop Boy’s props, hitting Garfield on the head in the real world. Eli got him away from the tear.]
Eli: Everybody, stay away from the patch. Got it? Give me the special tape.
[Prop Boy hands him the special tape and Eli tapes the patch.]
Eli: I hope you all learned your lesson.
Billy Bear: I think Garfield learned his lesson.
[Garfield got a watermelon stuck on his head.]
Eli: Garfield’s just getting started on his lesson.
[Odie sees the bone in the real world and he runs up to the screen.]
Odie: My bone! My bone!
[Odie opens the tear and ends up getting sucked in. Odie’s arrival breaks the watermelon off Garfield’s head.]
Garfield: Odie? Oh no, you don’t. You’re not gonna ruin my life. You can go right back where you came from. (grabs Odie) See you in the funny papers, Odie!
[He threw Odie to the newspaper, but the dog was still in the real world.]
Garfield: That didn’t work. There must be an easier way to sending you and the gang back, Odie.
[Arlene got off her seat.]
Jon: Where are you going, Arlene?
Arlene: I’m going to join Garfield.
Nermal: Oh no, you’re not. We have a strip to do, lady.
Jon: Nermal's right. This is where we belong. Garfield, too. He’s just a little confused right now. And if you stay, Garfield will have one more reason to find a way back.
Arlene: Oh, he better come back.
[In the park…]
Garfield: Well, Odie, looks like I’m stuck with you. Let’s find some real food to eat.
[They walked out to find some grub.]
Jon: Eli, we lost them!
Eli: Don’t worry. It’ll just take me a second to find them.
[The screen switched to another location that showed the two.]
Eli: There we go.
Garfield: Come on, Odie.
[The prop bone in Odie’s mouth attracted the attention of some chihuahuas. Odie ran away as the chihuahuas chased after him.]
Garfield: We should have found a buffet by now.
[A trash can moved about and a voice came out.]
???: This is the buffet, pal.
Garfield: A talking trash can. I didn't know they had those in the real world.
[A cat popped out of the trash can.]
Cat: I ain’t no trash can, fellas. You must not be from this neighborhood.
Garfield: We’re not from this world. I’m Garfield the Cat. You know, from the comic strip? 
Cat: Uh, right. Your dog friend there must be Odie.
Garfield: Hey Odie, a fan.
[Odie is on top of a fountain with the chihuahuas at the bottom.]
Garfield: Looks like Odie's made some new friends.
Cat: Well, I’m Shecky.
Garfield: Glad to meet you, Shecky. So, uh, when do they serve dinner around here?
[Back in the studio…]
Jon: How are we going to have a funny comic strip without our star? We need a funny cat.
Nermal: Hey, hey, hey. What am I, chopped liver? First, we’ll change the name of the strip to Nermal. The hilarious adventures of a wacky kitten and his slow-witted, but well-meaning sidekick Arlene. What do you say?
Arlene: Let me at him! I’ll kill him! I’m gonna kill him! (Randy and Billy rein her back)
Nermal: Arlene, chill, babe. Just trying to help.
[Back in the real world, Odie is trying to hide from the chihuahuas. The dogs hide from pole to pole until they find each other. They run off once again.]
Shecky: Oh, me and my buddies are going to a dinner and a show. Wanna come?
Garfield: Uh, yeah. Sure. Just as soon as I help Odie out of this situation. Hey Odie, throw me the bone!
[Odie throws the bone to Garfield and the chihuahuas followed him. He lured them to a hole in the tree, hindering the chase.]
Garfield: If there’s more than one way to skin a dog. Phew. Wow. Now that’s a calorie burner. Here you go, Odie. (gives the bone to Odie) The real world is certainly more exciting than the comic world.
Shecky: Uh, sure. Whatever. Hey, the show begins soon.
Garfield: Sounds good. Lead on, Mr. Shecky.
[That night, they went to an alley.]
Shecky: Here we are, everyone.
Garfield: Wow.
Shecky: Yarkey!
[Another cat and a dog appeared from the trash cans.]
Dog and Cat: Yarkey!
Shecky: This is Waldo. He’s not as bright as he looks.
Waldo: Uh, thank you.
Shecky: And this is Sheila.
Sheila: Cheers, luvs.
Shecky: I’d want her covering my back in any cat fight. Guys, this is Garfield and Odie. You know, the comic strip characters? Wink wink.
Waldo: Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! I love you guys. I read you all the time. Just mostly, I look at the pictures, you know.
Garfield: Why, thank you.
Sheila: Ello, ello. Your call in the cute, darling.
[The cartoon characters watched on the screen.]
Arlene: What?! You want cute, lady? I’ll give you cute!
Eli: Uh oh.
[Back in the real world...]
Shecky: Welcome to Club Shecky. This is where we come for dinner and a show. We put on a show and people throw dinner at us.
Garfield: This I gotta see.
Shecky: Allow me to demonstrate.
[He got a baseball mitt.]
Shecky: Okay Waldo, this course is yours.
Waldo: (gets the mitt) Oh, goody, goody!
Shecky: (gets on the fence) Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! Our first performer this evening is none other than the man himself. Please welcome… Shecky! Thank you! Thank you! It’s great to be back at Club Shecky. You know, a funny thing happened on the way to the fence tonight. I was run over by a milk truck. That’s the first time the drinks were ever on me! (drum sounds) Thank you. Thank you. For my first number…
Man: Hey, be quiet! We’re trying to sleep up here!
Shecky: I’d like to sing something for my latest album.
Woman: Shut up, you stupid cat!
Shecky: Get ready. Here comes dinner. It goes something like this. (singing) You only got me when you got me! You only squeeze me when you squeeze me!
Vender: Hey, knock it off!
[The people in the apartment threw food at the cat.]
Shecky: Thank you! I love you all! (to Waldo) How’d you do, Waldo?
Waldo: We did great. We got a bone with a little turkey on it. And there’s a sardine left in this can. All kinds of good stuff.
Shecky: Okay. Garfield, it’s your-
Garfield: Out of my way, amateur.
Shecky: Uh, there are a couple of things you really should know.
Garfield: Shecky, let’s not keep my fans waiting.
Shecky: Okay. Break a leg.
[Garfield got up on the fence.]
Shecky: Our next performer is a comic’s comic. Please put your paws together for Garfield!
Garfield: Good evening, ladies and- (gets hit by a shoe)
Shecky: You got to bob and weave out there, Garfield. A moving target is harder to hit.
Garfield: Hey, I know how to handle a rowdy crowd. (gets back up)
Shecky: A smaller target would be harder to hit, too.
Garfield: As I was saying, good e-(gets hit by another shoe) I’m seriously considering retiring from showbiz.
Shecky: It’s dinner time.
Garfield: Hey, you know I think you’re kind of cute, too.
Arlene: What?
Sheila: Oh Garfield, really?
Garfield: Oh, yeah. Say, are you gonna finish that fish?
Sheila: (bares her claws) Touch it and I’ll break your arm, loverboy.
Arlene: Just like a man. He’s true to his stomach than he is to me.
[The gang walked through the streets.]
Sheila: Well, we’re home. See you, mates.
Waldo: Good night, guys.
Shecky: Night, Sheila.
Garfield: Good night.
[They went to a closed down hotel to sleep for the night.]
Odie: Wow.
Garfield: Hmm... Got plenty of room.
Shecky: You’ll have to excuse the mess. I gave the cleaning lady the week off. Oh, and the elevator is temporarily out of service. Oh, watch out for that step.
[Garfield almost fell into a hole.]
Garfield: You mean this step?
Shecky: Yeah, that’s the one.
[Garfield got back up and walked.]
Shecky: I know it’s a bit of a climb, but the view was worth it.
Garfield: Tell that to my legs. And my back. And my feet. And my... (sighs in exhaustion)
[They went into an empty room.]
Garfield: Nice. A room with a view. And well-ventilated, too. 
Shecky: My dump is your dump.
Garfield: You wouldn’t happen to have anything to eat?
Shecky: Nope.
Garfield: (sees a coffee cup) Is that coffee?
Shecky: Probably, but it’s been sitting there for a while.
Garfield: That’s the way I like it.
[He drinks it and he burps up a steam.]
Garfield: Yeah.
Shecky: What just happened?
Garfield: What do you mean?
Shecky: Your head?
Garfield: What about it?
Shecky: Oh, never mind. (yawns) I think I need to get some sleep. See you in the morning.
Garfield: Good night. (puts a newspaper over Odie) There you go, buddy. Today’s just our first day in the real world. Tomorrow will be a better day, you’ll see.
[It started to rain and the water went through the building.]
Garfield: Well, great. Good night, Arlene.
Arlene: Good night, Garfield. Sleep well.
[Everyone went to sleep. The next morning…]
Shecky: Top of the morning to you, Garfield. Hungry?
Garfield: Is that a trick question?
Shecky: What say we go to the park for a little dumpster diving before the trash collectors show up?
Garfield: (sarcastic) Yum. That sounds good. Every time I think I’ve hit bottom, someone hands me a shovel.
[At the park, Garfield found a newspaper in the trash.]
Garfield: Hey Odie. Let’s see how the folks back home are furring with our strip.
[Odie got down, only to be chased by the same chihuahuas from the park. He runs away.]
[Garfield checks the newspaper, only to discover bad news.]
Garfield: What?! They’re cancelling my strip?! They can’t do that! This wasn’t supposed to happen.
Bonita: It’s all your fault, traitor!
Garfield: (sees something else) Hey. The newspaper’s having a contest to replace my strip. Hey guys, I have an idea. Odie and I will go to the newspaper contest to make sure they don’t replace my strip.
Waldo: What’s he doing?
Shecky: That is one crazy cat.
Garfield: All you guys have to do is figure out a way to get us back home. See you there.
Jon: We can do this, guys.
Billy Bear: That’s the spirit, Garfield!
Wally: Good luck at the newspaper contest.
Arlene: We’re here for you, Garfield.
Garfield: Let’s go, Odie. Odie?
[Odie ran up the pole with the chihuahuas following them. Soon, he got off the pole, launching the chihuahuas in the air and back into holes. He proceeds to do whack-a-mole with them before leaving. Meanwhile in the cartoon world...]
Jon: We’re here to come up with a plan to Garfield and Odie back. Don’t be afraid to speak up. Remember, there are no bad ideas.
Wally: Me! Me! Me!
Jon: Yes, Wally?
Wally: What if we built a device? An inter-dimensional escape hatch that would pass through the screen, equalize the pressure-
Bonita: You'll have to excuse Walter. He’s given two flights a fancy. Walter dear, your silly dream for inventions have never worked and they never will.
Wally: Yes, dear.
Jon: Okay. Any more ideas? Anyone? Ugh.
[In the real world, Odie is chased by chihuahuas until Garfield kicks a trash can and the chihuahuas run into it. He kicked it down the river.]
Garfield: Have a nice day. (to Odie) Done playing with our little friends, are we?
Odie: Uh huh.
Garfield: Good. Now let’s go tell the newspaper that we’re going home.
[They went off to the newspaper building.]
Garfield: This is it. Let’s go, Odie.
[In the newspaper building, people lined up to have their comic shown to the judges and see if it can replace Garfield or not.]
Man: This is my comic strip, Dicky Dot. I think he’s relevant and quite humoresque.
Judge 1: Unlike you.
Judge 2: Next.
[The man left and another came with a puppet head of himself.]
Judge 1: Let me guess. Siamese twins, right?
Man 2: Right.
Puppet Head: Right.
Judge 3: Funny.
Judge 1: Sad.
Judge 3: Funny, in a sad sort of way.
Judge 1: Take your ugly friend home.
Man 2: But he’s not ugly.
Judge 1: I wasn’t talking to you.
Judge 2: Next.
[A flower girl came in, throwing petals everywhere while singing.]
Judge 2: Next.
[Garfield and Odie hide behind a stand.]
Arlene: There they are!
Garfield: We just gotta get up there and show them we’re back.
[A punk came in to show the comic strip he made.]
Punk: Okay. So, like, this is really funny. Like, when people die, my guy, like, takes them away.
Judge 1: So, like, why don’t you go away?
Judge 2: Next!
[The punk ran off crying.]
Judge 1: What else have we got?
[Garfield jumped onto the table.]
Garfield: Good afternoon, folks.
Judge 1: Who are these guys?
Judge 3: I don’t see them on the list.
Garfield: See the resemblance?
Judge 1: Hey, they do kind of look like them.
Garfield: That’s because it is me. We’re pleased to announce that we’re ready to go back to work.
[Odie hopped onto the table.]
Judge 3: What’s with that dog’s tongue?
Judge 2: Must be some sort of a glandular condition.
Judge 3: Not a very dignified representative of the canine fo-
Garfield: Hey, can a real cat do this? (does a dance)
Judge 1: Hey, that cat has one big belly on him.
Judge 2: It would set a bad example of the overweight of the youth.
Judge 3: Can’t have that.
Garfield: Hold on. Hold on. We are the real Garfield and Odie. And to leave no doubt in your mind, we will now perform our classic gag from our comic strip. Odie, if you please. You know, folks, a day without kicking Odie off the table is like a day without… (kicks Odie off the table) sunshine.
Judge 3: That cat just kicked that dog off that table.
Judge 2: Oh, the horror! How violent!
Garfield: Hey, lighten up, lady. Nobody gets hurt in a comic strip. Right, Odie? (checks Odie who’s really hurt) Oops, sorry, Odie. I didn’t know you could really get hurt in the real world.
[Odie had bones spinning on his head.]
Judge 3: Uh, we’ve seen quite enough.
Garfield: Did I mention we work for scale?
Judge 2: Next.
Garfield: But you’re making a big mistake.
Judge 2: Next!
[Garfield sighs and gets off the table.]
Arlene: They can’t do that!
Eli: This does not go well.
[Then, another man came in.]
Man 3: Sid, Bobby, Eric. Mike here. I have for you today a licensing phenomenon destined to take the publishing biz by storm. Introducing Hale and Hardy!
[A muscular cat and dog came in. They were Hale and Hardy. The judges were impressed as the animals flexed their muscles.]
Garfield: We’re toast.
Mike: These boys are positive, appealing, and can generate licensing income for your newspaper.
Toons: They’re toast.
Mike: These two can have your fat lazy readers dieting and exercising in no time flat. Imagine dieting with (shows the judges a picture) Hale and Hardy Mineral Water. Imagine exercising with… (shows another picture)
Judge 2: Hale and Hardy Leotards!
Mike: And.. (shows another picture)
Judge 3: Hale and Hardy dumbbells!
Mike: In one of your franchise, Hale and Hardy Wellness Center.
Judges: Ooooh.
Garfield: But are they funny?
Mike: Well, what do you think?
Judge 2: I think we have our new comic strip. Hale and Hardy!
Garfield: I can’t believe this is happening.
Hale: Oh, believe it, tubby.
Mike: I just happen to have a contract right here.
Garfield: No! Don't do it! That's me!
Judge 1: Hold on a minute. Garfield was the best comic strip we’ve ever had. I’m gonna give him one last chance.
[Garfield and Odie smile.]
Judge 1: If the strip isn’t back in the paper in 24 hours, we’ve got a deal with Hale and Hardy.
Mike: No problemo. We’ll see you tomorrow.
Judge 2: Sid, you can’t be serious. You don’t honestly believe that cat and that dog are really Garfield and Odie.
Sid: At my age, nothing surprises me. Humor me. The Garfield strip has one more day to make it back.
Garfield: Yes, sir! You the man, Sid! You the man! (sings) We’re in the comics! We’re in the comics! Back in the comics!
Hardy: That strip is ours!
Garfield: Sorry, Muscles for Brains, but our strip is going back into the papers tomorrow.
Hale: We’ll see about that.
Hardy: Dog abuser! (he and Hale laugh)
Garfield: Losers. (blows raspberries at them) Come on, Odie. We gotta find a way back home.
[The two went back to the park to try to find a way back into the cartoon world.]
Garfield: Comic world, here we come! On your mark. Get set. Go!
[They ran to the newspaper, only to jump through it, not sending them to the cartoon world. The next attempt was to jump from the fence.]
Garfield: On your mark. Get set. Leap!
[They jumped and they fell on the newspaper. It still didn’t work. Their third attempt was by being flattened by a steamroller.]
Garfield: Okay, I hope this works. Because if it doesn’t, at least no one will doubt our courage. (sees the steamroller heading towards them) Or our stupidity. We’re outta here! (leaps out of the way) That was close, Odie. Odie? Odie! Oh no. (Sees Odie alive)
[Later...]
Garfield: It’s not working. Nothing’s working.
Shecky: Come on, Garfield. It’s time to go.
Garfield: I gotta figure out a way to get back to the comic world.
Shecky: Well, my door is always open.
Sheila: Uh, good luck getting back into the paper.
Waldo: Yeah, good luck.
Garfield: Luck’s all we have left. (sees a newspaper) Hello? Anybody home?
Arlene: Just us Toons.
Garfield: Oh, I’ve tried everything we’ve known to get back and nothing works. I need some help here. I didn’t know if you’re watching this paper.
Arlene: Wait! 
[She gives him a rose through the tear.]
Garfield: Arlene, Eli, everybody, I’m sorry. I can’t believe I ever gave a thought to coming here. You know what? This isn’t the real world. Reality is where your heart is. And my heart is with the comics. With you guys. If there’s a way back, I promise you I’ll find it.
Arlene: Good night, Garfield.
Eli: Looks like you finally got it figured out, Garfield.
[Garfield sees a lady playing an accordion and he gets an idea.]
Garfield: Odie, I have an idea.
[He gets the newspaper and shows the gang the accordion.]
Garfield: Odie, hold up the paper. (to Eli) Eli, I hope you’re watching, because I need you to get to Wally. And hurry. There's no time to waste.
Eli: (uses intercom) Wally, come to the screen immediately. Wally, come to the screen.
Garfield: That was the most beautiful music I’ve ever heard.
Accordion Girl: Hey, kitty.
Garfield: Wally, are you there?
Wally: Mostly.
Garfield: This could be our way back.
Wally: What do you mean?
Garfield: Remember your concertina? The one you rigged to steal Bonita’s cookies?
Bonita: What?!
Garfield: Make a bigger one to rescue us. Put doors on each end and stretch it to the screen like this.
Wally: Of course. It could work. That’s brilliant!
Bonita: You stole my cookies!
Wally: But I need materials. I need people with tools.
Bonita: My cookies!?
Wally: Come on, guys. We have a concertina to build.
Garfield: Well, Odie, it’s out of our hands now. (to the accordion girl) Oh, and nice work on the arpeggios there.
Accordion Girl: Bye.
[That night…]
Wally: Tires. I need four tires.
[The Toons got four tires from Jon’s car.]
Jon: My car! (faints)
Wally: I need all the folding doors you can find.
[They got the folding doors, including one for Dagwood’s bathroom.]
Randy Rabbit: Hey, Dagwood.
[Back at the real world, Garfield and Odie headed back to the hotel, unaware that they were followed.]
Garfield: Hey, Shecky.
Shecky: Did you give up on that crazy plan of yours?
Garfield: No, things are working out fine. We’re just a little tired. There you go, puppy. We've had quite an adventure back in the real world. But tomorrow will be a better day and we’ll be back home, and our strip will be back in the paper.
[As he blew out the candle, they were ambushed and tied up from the ceiling.]
Hardy: For once you are right, kitty-cat. Tomorrow will be a better day… for us. (he and Hale laugh evilly) Look, we are both laughing together.
Hale: Too bad you can't help your strip.
Hardy: Ja, but we see you are all tied up.
Hale: We laugh in your face again. And tomorrow we are going to be on the comics page.
Hardy: We will be so funny, I find myself laughing already. (laughs) Look at me laughing.
Hale: We're laughing in your face.
Garfield: You won't get away with this.
Hardy: Just watch us.
Hale: Let us now get out of this dump.
Hardy: Ja, let's.
Hale: (as he and Hardy laugh) Who is the losers now, losers?
Hardy: Ja, losers.
Hale: We are laughing at you.
Hardy: Losers.
[Hale and Hardy leave the room, and a candle tips over.]
Shecky: Who are those guys?
Garfield: Don’t worry, we have a plan with the comic characters back home.
Shecky: Knock it off, Garfield. This is serious.
Garfield: No, really. They’re gonna rescue us. 
[The candle's flame makes contact with the newspaper, causing the place to burn up.
Garfield: Unless, of course, we die first.
[Back in the cartoon world…]
Eli: Let’s see what Garfield’s up to.
[The screen showed Garfield, Odie, and Shecky tied up in the burning hotel.]
Eli: What?! (uses intercom) Attention. Everyone to the screen. Everyone to the screen. This is an emergency!
[The Toons saw what’s on the screen.]
Arlene: (gasps) Oh no! I’m going through the screen! I don’t care if I ever make it back!
Jon: No, you’re not! We’re going to rescue them with Wally’s machine. Right, Wally?
Billy Bear: Yeah, Wally.
Wally: But it’s not quite done yet.
Jon: So let’s finish it.
Wally: But I haven't tested it. I don’t know if it works.
Eli: There’s no time for that now.
Billy Bear: You the man, Wally!
Wally: Me?
Randy Rabbit: Wally, you're gonna save the day! You’re gonna be a hero!
Wally: Me? A hero? Doors! We need two doors!
[The Toons got two restroom doors, and the invention was done.]
Wally: Ladies and gentlemen, I present the Bonitanator!
[The contraption entered the scene, looking like an accordion with a metal blade on top.]
Bonita: You don’t expect it to work, do you?
Wally: You’re about to find out. Move the Bonitanator into position, men.
Billy Bear: Okey doke.
[Billy and Randy moved the machine in position with the screen.]
Wally: Hold it there.
Bonita: Why did you name it the Bonitanator, Walter?
Wally: Because the blade on the front reminds me of that big honking nose of yours, dear. Now, I have a job to do. And by the way, I did steal your cookies.
Bonita: Oh, Wally, you are so… so forceful.
[The screen went to a different position.]
Jon: What are you doing?
Eli: It’s too dangerous to send you guys into the hotel. If the paper you go through burns up, there’s no way back. I’m trying to find a safer paper out in the street.
[The position was now in front of the hotel, away from the fire.]
Eli: There we go.
Wally: Anchor down the back end of the Bonitanator.
[Prop Boy anchors the back end of the Bonitanator.]
Wally: I need three volunteers. I’m one.
Jon: I’m two.
Arlene: I’m three.
Billy Bear: I’m three. This calls for a strong back, Arlene.
Wally: Let's go, men.
[They entered the Bonitanator.]
Wally: Push us through the screen!
[The Toons pushed the Bonitanator through the screen and into the real world. The tear was sucking up things from the cartoon world, but it was taped up before it could do trouble.]
Billy Bear: Wow. We made it.
Jon: Wow.
Wally: Let’s go, everyone!
[They ran to the hotel, where the doors were barred shut.]
Jon: It’s stuck.
Billy Bear: Step aside. This is a job for a big bear.
[He ran towards the door, but he hit it, which didn’t break.]
Billy Bear: Wow. That’s definitely not a comic door.
Wally: Look. (pulls off planks from part of a building) This way.
[The three crawled through the hole and into the building. They arrived at the room where Garfield, Odie, and Shecky are.]
Wally: Prepare to be rescued!
Garfield: I knew you guys would come.
Billy Bear: That’s right.
Shecky: Hey! You’re Billy Bear!
Billy Bear: That’s my name. Don’t wear it out.
Shecky: You are cartoon characters.
[The gang freed the heroes.]
Billy Bear: You’re darn tootin’ (blows a horn through his handkerchief)
Shecky: Wow. What’s Snoopy really like?
[Cut to the comic world.]
Arlene: Hurry, guys. Hurry.
[Now, our heroes must find a way out of the burning hotel. They ran for the exit, but some burning planks blocked it.]
Jon: What do we do now?
Shecky: Fear not, gents. We can ride through the flames in this handy trash car. It may be rusty, but I assure you, it’s fireproof.
Billy Bear: Everybody, climb in.
[Odie realized something.]
Odie: My bone! My bone!
[The dog hopped out of the cart to look for the prop bone.]
Garfield: Odie, get back here!
Billy Bear: Here we go!
[The planks falling from above caused the bone to pop out in the air. Odie ran after it.]
Garfield: (slow motion) Odie!
[The dog caught the prop bone and fell on a chandelier.]
Garfield: Odie!
Odie: Ta da!
Garfield: Get the chandelier swinging, Odie. We’ll grab you from the second-floor balcony. Let’s do this.
Billy Bear: Heads down, everyone. Here we go!
[The gang went down the balcony, while Odie managed to swing the chandelier.]
Garfield: Odie! Grab my hands!
[The dog grabbed hands, but he took Garfield down with him.]
Garfield: Odie! You were supposed to let go of the chandelier.
Jon: Garfield, swing to the main staircase! We’ll grab you there.
Garfield: Come on, Odie. We got a cart to catch.
[They swung on the chandelier, as it was about to break.]
Garfield: You know, this isn’t working out as planned. Hold on, Odie.
[He saw the cart heading for them.]
Garfield: Need a lift?
[They took hands, and they got down to the cart.]
Garfield: Everybody, down!
[The cart burst out of the hotel and the gang got inside the Bonitanator and left the real world, as the newspaper turns to dust. They made it back to the cartoon world alive.]
Wally: We did it!
Toons: Yay!
Bonita: Oh, Wally. My hero!
[Prop Boy saw Odie with the prop bone.]
Shecky: Look out, comic world. Here I come.
[Garfield got out of the Bonitanator and saw Arlene, who at first slaps him, but kisses him.]
Arlene: I love you, Garfield. Don’t you ever leave me again.
Garfield: Boy, am I glad you don’t hate me.
[The next morning, in the real world, Hale and Hardy were busy rummaging in the dump.]
Hardy: There’s nothing to eat in this lousy trash can.
Hale: I’m so hungry I could cry,
Hardy: Don’t be such a girly dog. (points to the paper) Look. That should be us.
Hale: Yeah. And then we wouldn’t be so hungry.
Hardy: It's all your fault.
Hale: Your fault!
Hardy: No! Your fault! 
[They argue and beat each other up. Meanwhile in the park, Sheila and Waldo read the newspaper.]
Sheila: Well, would you look at that. (points to Shecky in the newspaper) Shecky finally made it big in entertainment.
Waldo: Aww. Who’s gonna sing for food on the fence now?
Sheila: How does this sound? Sheila and the Sheilettes. Got a ring, eh? You can wear a dress and sing backup for me.
Waldo: We’re gonna starve.
[Back in the cartoon world...]
Garfield: Hit it, Eli!
Eli: You got it, Garfield.
[He pressed the party button and soon, a party came on. Everyone danced to the music in the studio. Odie was busy trying to hide the bone once again. Unfortunately, the Bonitanator picked up some uninvited guests: the same chihuahuas from the park. They chased Odie around in the studio. Roll credits.]
Category:Transcripts
Category:Garfield Transcripts
Category:Direct-to-video Transcripts