Transcripts 2001-12

Transcripts from December 2001 strips.
==December 3==
Panel 1Richard is sitting on the couch and reading a newspaper ("NEWS"). There is an unspecified character (mouse?) on the front page. In the background are a window with a ladder on the other side, a ceiling lamp, and a bookshelf with several books on it.Panel 2Richard is startled to the point of sweating and gritting his teeth by a loud "CRASH" sound.Panel 3Richard turns around and shouts.Richard: NORMAN! What the hell was THAT!Panel 4Same as panel 3 but Richard's ears fold back.Off-panel (Norman) It definitely was NOT the sound of a toilet crashing into the basement after somebody poured something really corrosive into it that dissolved half the bowl, leaked onto the floor and ate through the floorboards that collapsed a short time later!
==December 7==
Panel 1The camera looks through a large hole at Richard and Norman. Richard is covering his face with his hand in disgust. Norman is holding the edges of the hole and looking at Richard with an apologetic face.Richard: Norman, what the hell did you use? It melted my fucking toilet!Norman: I don't know! I just found a bottle of it under the stairs!Panel 2The camera views the two from the side. Richard is pointing at Norman with a happy expression. Norman seems very sorry. A green towel on a rack and a blue canister on a shelf are in the background.Richard: Wait... Was it in a big, brown, jug-like bottle and smelled like Satan's arsehole?Norman: Um... Yeah! That's the stuff!Panel 3Richard clenches his fists in a victory pose. Both he and Norman have big grins on their faces.Richard: YES! Thank you God! That was this Christmas's batch of Anne's home-made wine! We get to avoid drinking that shit this year!Norman: Oh yeah!Norman: Remember the flames when Kingston drank it?Richard: Yeah! Ten feet long, out of his arse!
==December 7==
Panel 1Anne is looking up at Norman in concern. Norman has an apologetic expression as he talks to her.Norman: Oh Anne, I've got some bad news about your home-made wine...Panel 2Norman turns and points toward the lavatory. Anne does not move at all except to glower and fold her ears back.Norman: You see I thought it was some sort of bleach and poured it down the toilet, which melted...Panel 3Anne has not moved at all from panel 2. Norman stops pointing but suddenly looks at the camera with intense discomfort.Norman (thinking): What an odd feeling! I'm more then twice her size, yet I've this sudden urge to run like buggery!
==December 14==
Panel 1Richard is sitting at a table and looking with concern at a piece of paper that has been folded into thirds. A calculator and two other papers are on the table.Richard (thinking): Damn! Even when you're only buying presents for your mates and your girlfriend the bills around Christmas still sting!Panel 2Richard turns and digs in his pocket with a "RUMAGE" sound.Richard (thinking): Well at least Norman paid up quickly to fix that damn toilet and the floor; otherwise I'd have real problems!Panel 3Richard holds up some bloodied paper bills.Richard (thinking): However, I'm really apprehensive about handing over this bloodstained roll of twenties he gave me to the bank!
==December 17==
Christmas with Tessa and Sticks
Panel 1Tessa is carrying a box labelled "XMAS CRAP." A double window with a waterfront view is in the background.Tessa: Hay Sticks! What'ca doing?Off-panel (Sticks): Oh, I'm just testing these fairy lights...Panel 2Tessa turns so her "XMAS CRAP" box is now facing the camera as she looks backward over her shoulder with a wry grin. Sticks has a lit red light in his nose and is pointing to it with a silly smile. A television and media player? are in an entertainment stand in the background.Sticks: See! This bulb is okay! Look at me! I'm Rudolph!Tessa: "Uncle Fester" suits you better!Panel 3Tessa turns again so the box is facing Sticks. Sticks gestures in explanation.Tessa: Oh, I've been meaning to ask you this for ages: Why is your recharge socket in your nose?Sticks: It's the only available orifice!Sticks: Early models of me recharged through the butt. They got recalled after they kept giving fudge-packers electric shocks!
==December 21==
Christmas with Tessa and Sticks
Panel 1Sticks is clutching a red box in his hands against his chest. He has a worried look.Off-panel (Tessa): Hi Sticks! Cook didn't show up so I buggered off home early!Sticks (thinking): Crap, she'll see her present!Sticks (thinking): No time to hide it...Panel 2Close-up of Sticks's butt as he shoves the box in the back of his pants. Tessa looks at him with suspicion as she leans forward slightly to see what he's doing.Tessa: I must teach that little... Hay! What's that?Sticks: Nothing!Panel 3The camera views Sticks and Tessa from the side. Tessa puts her face up to his so their noses are touching. Sticks is sweating nervously while Tessa grins mischievously.Tessa: Nothing huh? Come on, you know you're a lousy liar, so why not just tell me what it is now and save us some time?Sticks: No! I'm not telling you it's a necklace I bought you!Panel 4Sticks stiffens up as he cringes. Tessa hugs him closely with a silly grin.Sticks: SHIT!!!Tessa: Never change Sticks! You're so cute when you're stupid!
==December 24==
Single PanelA picturesque living room decorated for Christmas like would appear on a greeting card. Al has a handgun pointed at Santa, who is sweating nervously.Al: Okay chunky, hand over all the electronic stuff!
==December 28==
The Church of Poisoned Minds
Panel 1Al is sitting at a computer and grinning evilly. Caption: Christmas this year has been pretty good despite the TV and capitalism trying it's best to fuck it up! Hell, the family even got together and DIDN'T ARGUE ALL DAY! I even got to pork down a tonne of those cool cheese things wrapped in bacon until I made myself ill! Killer! I got a really good haul of Christmas loot this year too! The last few days has been spent playing Wolfenstin on my new, big monitor or reading my new books while listening to my new CDs on my new portable CD player (I wasn't expecting the later and I'm well pleased with it)! New stuff kicks!Computer sounds: HALT!BLAM!BLAM!BLAM!BLAM!BLAM!Panel 2Al is holding up a cloth ruler and freaking out.Caption: Even the stuff in the Christmas crackers where pretty good, like my sister got a key-ring torch. I got a tape measure, which I put around my whist...Al: FORTY INCHES!Caption: I wish I got the little flashlight! Those things don't tell you you're a fat bastard!
==December 31==
Panel 1Richard and Anne are having sex under the covers. Richard is grasping Anne's ear and moaning into her shoulder as she lies back and closes her eyes.Anne: Humm, you know, this is the third year we've been together as a couple and we're still having sex on a regular bases!Richard: Hummpth!Panel 2Anne smiles as Richard suddenly panics.Anne: I wonder if I would be the same if we got married!Panel 3Richard turns and looks down, while Anne crosses her arms and glares at him in anger.Richard: Wow! I think this is the first time I've gone limp without a cold shower!
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