The (NOT DREAMWORKS) Collection - The Search For The Worst/Script

*creepy CGI dog* *creepy CGI kid speaking*
*screaming* *muffled voice*
You may or may not remember me covering the trough of Disney and Pixar ripoff movies a while ago now... But I couldn't simply let it end there. Disney doesn't completely own the animated market because companies like DreamWorks exist. With famous hit movies such as: Shrek, Bee Movie, Kung Fu Panda. That's a hell of a lot of valuable (and not-so valuable) and recognizable mine share for people to tap in to and monetize.
For all the great and wonderful things computers have allowed us to achieve, one of the more... unfortunate outcomes of
anyone and their grandma being able to get hold of video-rendering technology is that cash-grab, ripoff films like what you are about to see
are able to be squirted out in junction with popular movies to ride off the success of other properties that people actually love and enjoy.
NOT THIS. *oh jesus why* Now I have to warn you. What you are going to see in this video is not for the faint of heart.
The last time I made one of these videos, I lost a good friend, who watched them all with me.
Because he couldn't take it and he died. So, this time I had to find a new friend to watch them with. And, again, he couldn't take it and he died as well.
So, this time I asked for a little bit of help to share the load. No. The responsibility of covering what these things ... are going to turn out to be.
There a total of nine movies that I was able to find that all ripped off Dreamworks Animation.
They equate to a grand total of seven hours, twenty-five minutes and thirty-nine seconds worth of MISERY,
condensed down into this video. Not one of these films should ever be purchased, let alone, watched to the very end.
They even say that this challenge has driven some men to madness.
So to help stave off my almost inevitable insanity, I've acquired the assistance of three other YouTube movie channels.
Meaning I'll cover six of these films, and the guests will cover the rest. And don't worry, I did still watch every last one of them,
which you will be able to see my reactions of in accompanying 'Trying To Watch' for this episode. (If you still really want more after this is all over.)
So I am proud to announce, joining me for this grueling task, will be Chris Stuckmann, Adam from Your Movie Sucks, and Ralph the Minions-Loving Movie Maker.
(I think that's his name.) But which ones of these nightmare films are they going to cover? Well, I'm going to leave that as a little surprise for later.
So let's quickly introduce the candidates, before blasting straight into this: Blasting our heads off with a shotgun,
am I right? *Yes* First off, we have two 'Bee Movie' ripoffs, called 'Plan Bee' and 'Little Bee',
'Little & Big Monsters' which was cashing in on 'Monsters vs Aliens', 'Chop Kick Panda' which is quite obvious as to what it's stolen from,
'Life's a Jungle: Africa's Most Wanted' which is a 'Madagascar' mockery, 'an ant'z LIFE' (presented in subs as stylized) is kind of 'Ants' by Dreamworks and 'A Bug's Life' by Pixar,
so that's a double-dipper right there, 'Moses der Prinz aus Ägyptien',
which is just German for 'The Prince of Egypt', 'Ratatoing' is another double dip on Pixar's 'Ratatouille' and 'Flushed Away',
And last, and possibly least, is 'Puss in Boots: A Furry Tail', which, if the really clever name is anything to go by, is going to be a bloody riot.
So with all the chess pieces in place, may I welcome you to the '[NOT DREAMWORKS] Collection'!
This was even more miserable than the Disney one... ♪ Local Forecast- Elevator ♪
I have no idea which order I should choose to do these in, so I'm going to throw them in a randomiser,
so it can decide my fate for me. [WHEEL RANDOMIZER] [THE (NOT DREAMWORKS) COLLECTION
okay, so 'Little & Big Monsters'. Right, so I'll spin this wheel as well to see which YouTuber has to cover it.
[WHEEL RANDOMIZER 2] [YOUTUBERS] Great. I will start us off then...
[LITTLE & BIG MONSTERS] [U (Universal)] [Boulevard Entertainment] [DVD Video] [Dolby® Digital] [Made by Vídeo Brinquedo]
'Little and Big Monsters' is brought to you by the little and big monsters over at Vídeo Brinquedo. The same people responsible for other movies featured in my videos such as...
'The Little Panda Fighter', 'What's Up", and two or three others in this very video. I do get them mixed up with Bright Spark Productions,
who basically do the exact same thing, in the exact same way, so they're pretty much impossible to tell apart.
They're equally terrible. They all seem to use the same animation software or something, and whenever humans are involved,
they just reuse the same character models. Basically you could watch a clip from any of them, and you'd find it really hard to tell them apart.
"eh- do you think that's even possible?" Immediately, I was annoyed just by looking at the box.
it looks like a child's project from school. And the synopsis on the back is filled with adjectives like
"wacky" and "goofy." Like, do the scientists really have to be both wacky AND goofy?
Also, notice how accurate the last few words are. "What a fun mess!" Take out the word "fun" and it'd be spot on.
The thing you learn about these kinds of movies is that you can recap them in a handful of words. But at the same time, they have the miraculous ability
to turn a paper-thin, empty premise into 45 minutes of running time. [Wacky & Goofy Scientist]" If we need food, we can receive bananas from Pluto"
...And onion rings from Saturn! [IHE] And I know 45 minutes might not seem like that long,
But trust me. When you're looking at this... [Kid] SWALLOW THESE SALTY PEANUTS!
*Shrinking noise?* What's the matter with you? [IHE] For more than 30 seconds,
those 45 minutes start to feel like FORTY FIVE HOURS. The story of this movie is that two scientists,
who, remember, are pretty wacky and goofy, have somehow managed to spread some conspiracy That in the 50's, they saved the world from a monster or alien invasion...
or something. [Reporter] We're still pretty traumatized by the images of that film showing how you fought off those terrible aliens
during the infamous invasion of '54. [IHE] But in fact, they didn't actually save the world. and they lied about saving the world for some reason.
[W&G Scientist] They'll find out the whole lie! Monsters don't exist! We invented everything!
Meaning that when their experiments lead to monsters showing up, They don't actually have any idea what to do about it.
Through some truly dreadful antics, rhey discover that the monsters can either grow or shrink depending on if they eat sugar or salt, respectively.
Eventually, some aliens show up and say They're really sorry, but the eggs these monsters hatched from
fell out of their ship when they were flying over Earth. So then the aliens just help them beat the monsters. The end.
There's a nice bit of torture in there. [Monster screaming] HEEEEEELP MEEEEEE! [IHE] And some scenes that probably shouldn't be in a kids movie.
[Robot] CHAN CHU CHIN BA CHANG. CHIN WO WONG- But overall I gotta say, this one probably isn't as bad
as the other Video Brinquedo monstrosities. But it's obviously still the least worst option.
Seeing as this thing comes from Brazil, I guess either all the audio is dubbed because none of their mouth movements even remotely resemble what they're supposed to be saying.
"I bet the antenna's already picked up messages!" ABUADEGEGEG Or they just didn't bother animating complex mouth movements, because that would be hard and require work, and Vídeo Brinquedo don't like doing work.
"yeah but... What?" To highlight what I mean about these movies having these never-ending scenes that fell like they go on for eternity,
the start of this has a scene that goes on for such a long time, that they actually have to look at a clock on the wall and say that they're running late
because they sat around talking for so long. "-mile every day." "!" "Oh boy. The antenna! we are officially late!"
"We've gotta get out of here!" And they're just spouting exposition that's so obvious, that it completely defeats the point of why you have dialogue in the first place.
"Can't you just fix it without making such an awful face? Today is a huge day and nothing should spoil your years of research!"
"Today's the inauguration of the intergalactic Transmission Antenna!" Ｌｅｔ＇ｓ　Ｂｏｏｇｉｅ！
I mean, obviously I wasn't expecting anything from 'Little and Big Monsters',
"What'd you say there, kid? I can't hear ya!" Ｋ　　Ｉ　　　Ｌ　　　Ｌ　　　　Ｕ　　Ｒ　　Ｓ　　Ｅ　　Ｌ　　Ｆ- But what I can't figure out is why they even bother to write anything at all, regardless of how much effort was put in.
The point is, effort was put in! Someone did put pen to paper and get this made.
Like, if I was forced to make one of these, I'd put way less effort in than these guys do. It's not a very good money-making con, is it, when you'd have to spend a considerable amount of time writing down
a stupid story with awful dialogue, paying voice actors, editing, printing plain white discs with the movie title on...
Out of all the money-making cheeky schemes that exist out there, they didn't choose an exactly easy one, did they?
I'm really gonna try my best to refrain from referring to these things as 'movies'. It's kind of an insult to the art form.
I guess I'll just call them videos, because they're more akin the the kind of stuff you'd find on YouTube, more than anything else.
And even that's an insult to the people who make 3D animation content on YouTube. Like, there's plenty of that stuff that's at a way high standard than what's available in these.
And it's free to boot! The most enjoyment I got out of 'Monsters that were little-'Uh, (W-What's it called again?
Who cares.) was just looking for glitches in the animation. O-Oh, there's one. Well, that looks pretty weird, doesn't it
God, this sucks. How lazy can you be? "Breakfast will be ready in..." "Ten.."
"Nine..." "Eight..." "Seven..." "Six..." "Five..." "Four..."
"THREE..." "TWO..." "ONE!" *boom* Come on, let's spin the wheel again, I'm already fed up 'Little and Big Monsters'.
Okay, so it's 'Life's a Jungle'.
"And it's me again." "Great." [LIFE'S A JUNGLE: AFRICA'S MOST WANTED] [DOWNLOADABLE ACTIVITY KIT INCLUDED!]
'Life's a Jungle' might be the best thing I've ever seen. I had to import it from the USA, because I guess we don't want it in this country?
MAYBE IT'S ILLEGAL TO OWN. Oh, I hope it's not illegal- *Sirens*
＊ＢＡＳＨ　ＢＡＳＨ　ＢＡＳＨ＊ＨＥＹ！　ＯＰＥＮ　ＵＰ！　ＹＯＵ　ＢＥＴＴＥＲ　ＮＯＴ　ＨＡＶＥ　Ａ　ＣＯＰＹ　ＯＦ　＇ＬＩＦＥ＇Ｓ　Ａ　ＪＵＮＧＬＥ＇　ＩＮ　ＴＨＥＲＥ！ oH No!
From the get go, everything about it is a betrayal. It betrays you into thinking that it's 'Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted',
meaning that this came out in 2012, which is kind of a betrayal in quality animation in of itself.
Just for comparisons sake, that's the same year as 'Brave', 'Wreck-It Ralph' and 'Rise of The Guardians'.
Ans you haven't even seen how this looks in motion yet. But, you're probably gonna scream for your life when you do.
I know I did. Another betrayal is the running time. On the back it says it's seventy minutes which sounds fine.
I've sat through much worse than that. But then, when you open the case, on the disc it says it's approximately eighty-eight minutes long.
It seems kinda weird that they're different numbers, but whatever. But THE REAL KICKER, is that the true running time of this film, is one hundred minutes!
That's one hour and forty minutes long! That's longer than 'Madagascar 3'!
Let's take a gander at the video itself, then. *Meerkat?*
Oh, Jesus. It's all coming back now. The main character is a ripped Jack Russel who wears tight shirts to show off his muscles.
"Ｉｓｎ＇ｔ　ｔｈｉｓ　ｇｒｅａｔ，　ｍｙ　ｂｏｙ？" For the first section, I thought his name was 'Poop', but it was just the terrible voice actors just trying to say 'Pip'.
"Pip! Pip! Come 'ere boy!" He's called Pip, and he's English and posh and spoilt, but one faithful day on an African safari, with his bunce family,
he gets lost and has to learn what it means to be a true a true animal- Okay, so let me pause this, so we can unpack it for a moment.
Oh, oh mama! The voice acting is so bad, not just in performance, but in voice quality.
"Oh, look!" that it actually makes me want to tear my own ears off so I don't have to hear anything, ever again.
I've never been to Africa myself, but I guess it's nice to know that the background noise is so stunningly beautiful, layered and rich.
*Jeep, birds chirping*
Wait, why did this say that it had a two hundred and thirty thousand dollar budget? Did they put the comma in the wrong place, or it had too many zeroes, or what?
So, with poor Poop knocked off the jeep, we transition to a four minute long flashback, which might not sound like a lot of time, but, in movie terms, that is a really, really long time.
But we see how lovely Poop's home life was. Poop did poops in his toilet just like a human, had luxurious meals cooked for him, in his Playstation 2 graphics kitchen.
There's even a twenty-one second long-long shot which shows something so incredibly epic, that you simply MUST see it with your own eyes.
♪
Just incredible. Poop is woken up from his lovely dream by the cat from the 'Talking Tom' app.
'Life's a Jungle' is the worst film, probably ever made by anyone, ever.
"'LIFE'S A JUNGLE' IS THE WORST FILM, PROBABLY EVER MADE BY ANYONE EVER." The animals can suddenly talk now, which is fun.
That's fun. *ROAR* "Out here, a cat can put you in the doghouse."
I especially like the big cat's quiet, cowardly voice, and how it's supposed to be intimidating, and cool.
[From left audio channel only] "You're on the wrong end of the food chain, boy." Poop winds up with a couple of hyenas. One is the dumb one and one is the really cool and epic leader, who we all want to have as our fursonas.
"We are not dogs, newbie." "We are hyenas." Poop uses his quick wit and superior intelligence to worm his way into the Hyena Gang,
who test his worth by making him retrieve a fish from the crocodile's stash. The crocodiles keep their fish in a barrel...? for some reason? on a rock?
He manages it, but a bird immediately steals the fish so Poop kind of got what was coming to him in the end.
*SMACK* *SNAP* Yeah, alright. we get it.
Oh my g- we understand, okay? we understand! *Sinister music cues, angry growls* Oh- oh my lord!
*STILL GOING,* Are you serious right now?
Are these- are they- are you serious right now?
That shot right there took TWENTY-SEVEN SECONDS to convey what could of been done in, what- six?
And then after that shot ends, there are twelve frames of pure blackness. You might say that this is intentional, but to me that seems more like an editing mistake,
or just really bad editing, in general. Look, all you've gotta do is drag the two clips together, and look- the dead space is gone!
Editing Tips With IHE. You're welcome! There's another four hour-long dream flashback which is incredibly boring,
then the boys go for a swim in the morning. *Water splashing*
ＴＷＯ　ＨＵＮＤＲＥＤ　ＡＮＤ　ＴＨＩＲＴＹ　ＴＨＯＵＳＡＮＤ　ＤＯＬＬＡＲＳ． Poop saves the panther from a rhino attack.
*Music cues* Honestly- what on earth is happening?
*[Human] Baby noises*
*Dramatic music cues* Watch out for that rhino, little Talking Tom! Luckily, Poop saves him, and there's a groundbreaking battle.
Oh- Woah, I've never seen anything this cool in my life! I guess the hyenas take Poop to meet the rest of the gang, where they introduce a bunch of new characters.
"ＨＯＷ　ＤＯ　ＹＯＵ　ＤＯ？　ＩＦ　ＹＯＵ　ＮＥＥＤ　ＡＮＹ　ＡＤＶＩＣＥ，　Ｉ＇Ｍ　ＹＯＵＲ　ＭＡＮ！　Ｉ＇ＶＥ　ＢＥＥＮ　Ａ　ＲＵＮＮＥＲ　ＦＯＲ　ＣＷＩＴＥ　Ａ　ＷＨＩＬＥ－"
Okay then- "I'd watch you back if I were you. Alllwayys be alert. If you don't wanna become a tasty meal for someone!"
The stilted, awkward delivery and animation makes this so gloriously bad that I simply cannot look away. I ADORE IT.
*Really bad ball sound effects* That really highlights the importance of good sound design, doesn't it?
They play American Football for three minutes. Th-That's a thing that happens in this movie.
[>:-( ]Really justifying that running time aren't you, boys? But then Poop needs to do a poop, "Ｗｈｅｒｅ　ｍｉｇｈｔ　ａ　Ｊｅｎｔｌｅｍａｎｎ　ｏｆ　ｔｈｅ　Ｇｕｎｇｌｅ　ｇｏ　ｔｏ　ｍａｋｅ　ａ　ｐｏｏｐｙ　ｌｏｏｐｙ？
"Yee-Hyehyehyehyehye" so the hyenas take him to an anthill and he does a poo in it, but ants go everywhere, and he has a dance because,
that doggy got ants in his pants, baby! Look at him go! Woo! Are you enjoying how none of these scenes are connected in any way, and how there is no story whatsoever?
Let's throw another one at you, watch how long this shot goes on for. *Water splashing non-stop*
I'm so sorry, but I just have to make you experience the MISERY so you can understand it.
They all wanna have a drinky from the nice water, but the rhinos won't let them near it, so Poop comes up with an amazing plan:
To have the birds fly over and collect some water, but something happens so they have to stop... doing it...
Idk. Do you really care about the intricacies of this movie? Let's just fast forward a bit, come on, yeah-
"I wish someone would make a pair of shoes out of those crocs!" [HAHA YOU GET IT?] Oh, no, not that-
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-" God, definitely not that-
Right, yeah, yeah, here we are. Poop designs some kind of plumbing system (?) to harness the water for drinking, but the dumb idiot didn't realize that the rhinos could just follow the pipes
to get to their hidden location! ABSOLUTE MORON! So- what I'm about to show you now, in all my years of covering awful movies like this, is probably the worst sequence of moving images EVER assembled.
Take a deep breath with me... ...Because you need to be ready for this. okayletsdoit
*Obnoxious music cue*
*Repeats exact same scene, but with no music* *Rhinos stomping*
*Whimsical music cues, then randomly cuts to obnoxious music again*
How Not To Execute A Dramatic Sequence by Life's a Jungle 2012. *Alex and friend laughing*
"NO!" As in every animated movie ever made, the main character falls out with his friends, and has to go out on his own.
And then he winds up with a group of female rhinos who he convinces to come back with him. "Are you gonna be okay, little one?"
And then they have a... party. ♪
*Various people calling Pip's name* Poop meets his family one last time and decides to stay with the animals.
[:-)] And then the movie ends. Probably one of the worst things ever burned on a disc, 'Life's a Jungle: Africa's Most Wanted',
What more is there to say? It's actually a pretty conventional story for an animated movie but to hold in the most inept and badly paced and ugly and boring in unprofessional way possible.
When I first watched this, I thought it was kinda funny compared to what these are normally like. But- [sigh] who cares, honestly?
Luckily it came with a [DOWNLOADABLE ACTIVITY KIT] which I've been completing in my spare time... "Alex! Come down for dinner!"
Mum! Give me a second! "Your dinner's getting cold!!!"
Mum, I'm trying to complete the 'Life's a Jungle' [DOWNLOADABLE ACTIVITY KIT] that was included with the DVD! "Come down now- or you're grounded, Mister!"
Mum- I swear to God, If you don't let me finish this maze- Right, then what's next?.
'Puss in Boots: A Furry Tail'. Please don't be me. Please don't be me.
yes. its not me. Now, let me introduce you to RalphTheMovieMaker. Who's gonna instantly ruin the perception that this is random, with his opening joke.
[PUSS IN BOOTS] [A FURRY TAIL] [RATED G (IRISH FILM CLASSIFICATION OFFICE)] [U (Universal)] [ABBEY HOME MEDIA] [DVD VIDEO]
[Ralph] 'Puss in Boots: A Furry Tail'. The only reason I picked this movie is because 'Furry' is in the title, and I was shocked that Adam didn't pick it.
That's seriously the only reason I picked it- was to make that joke. Fortunately for me, this monstrous hunk of shit is only thirty-eight minutes long.
Not counting credits. "That's me! Puss! Actually, the name is Rusty."
"But 'Russ in Boots' didn't fly with Charles Perrault!" Okay, so we're twenty seconds in and the movie is already a lie.
His name is Russ, but 'Russ in Boots' doesn't sound as good as 'Puss in Boots'. And then we've gotta listen to this asshole talk in a horrible french accent for, I think twenty minutes, it feels like.
"-He was hoping for some dough, and I'm not talking about the kind you knead, get me?"
He tells this whole story about T-The King and The Queen and how he had to save the King and Queen from like whatever.
The whole movie could've been that story and it probably would've been more interesting, but it also probably would've taken more effort and been more expensive, so instead, it's just like a prologue.
Because the rest of this movie, as you will see, takes place in four locations. Because they didn't want to draw a lot of backgrounds, 'cause that takes TIME, and why would anyone spend time on this movie.
"Fuckin' bestiality already! we're one second in!" We're introduced to location number one. Get used to it 'cause at least twenty minutes of this movie's in this location.
Then there's mice. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" They also didn't want to spend time making walking animations, so every time someone walks in this movie, it's just like shot from the waist up.
Because animating feet moving is... ..hard. And movies aren't supposed to be hard to make, they're supposed to be easy.
I mean, look at 'The Revenant', great movie. That movie was REALLY EASY to shoot. *screaming*
So now, we're in location number two: the jail cell. We spend another ten minutes in this location.
"I... Don't know how to say this..." "Oh, sure you do! You just said it!"
"What?" "'this'!" "That's how I say 'this'!" "Me too!" "Ever think we all might be saying 'this' wrong?"
"No, no, not literally how I say the word 'this'!" Great. This is location number three.
The only thing that happens here is, like, The King talks to a guard, and I think he's having an affair with The Queen.
"They didn't even want to animate this conversation, so they just had shadows." And the other thing that happens is that a pigeon delivers mail to The King.
"Yeah, but he just wants the cat." (?) "Didn't you know, many folk in England, they had mail like this?"
"It had, letters and signatures-" "[laughs] yeah."
"They didn't roll up the paper and put a little seal on it, t-they had to put it in a little f-fuckin' envelope." Oh my God.
Look at the design of this entire scene. First of all this guy looks like garbage.
I mean, look at the candle. The flame isn't moving, and, like the color is going off the line.
You could've just gotten any kid who likes coloring books to color this movie, and he would've done a better job.
What are these colors, even? It just looks disgusting. Oh great, we're back here now.
for another ten minutes. [L O C K P I C K I N G 1 0 0]
We get it! "Oh buggers! We didn't find the key!"
"E p i c f a i l." Yeah. The thing I hate about this movie the most, is if I was a kid, watching this, I would be so, utterly bored.
I mean, obviously, no one gave a shit, but every single scene...
...is overly long, because they had to pad out run time. There is no visual comedy at all,
Because that requires effort to animate. Every single scene is two blocks of wood, standing like this, straight.
Sometimes, they move their arms and their head a little bit, because that's easy to animate. And they just talk,
They talk, and talk, and talk,, and talk for ten minutes to pad out the run time. And then the scene is over.
It's so lazy. I don't know what I was expecting. I mean, at least I was expecting 3D animation like the actual 'Puss in Boots' movie.
♪
"She turned me into a pussy cat!" "Worse yet, she made me French!" [wtf]
[Ralph laughs] What is this shot? Who drew this?
W-What is that? They couldn't even animate the cat coming out of the cage. They couldn't even animate the door opening...
..and the cat coming out. Because that takes too much effort. And, again, movies are supposed to be easy.
That's why 'Mad Max' was so great. That movie was really easy to make. ♪
Oh yeah, now we get to the sword fight. You ready for this shit? "Two against one? That's not very fair! You might want to get one or two more on your side!"
"Haha!" They probably spent WEEKS animating this. *sword sounds*
*more sword sounds*
You know, they didn't even design new knights. They didn't even distinguish them. Clearly the same model, just copy-and-pasted
[Friend] "Did someone put time into animating this?" [Ralph] "No, they don't." [Friend] "Yeah, they did dude, look at it."
[Ralph] "Dude, this looks like total shit." "They barely move." [Ralph] "They barely move, and there's two sets."
"There's a prison set and there's a dining room and that's it." [Friend] "This is so much fuckin' better than like, cheap- gre- there's a team of people who still work on this."
[Ralph] "If you say so." Why do I even try? When I could just throw together a bunch of garbage
in two days, and then put... uh, Shrek on the cover.
Except it's now really Shrek, and I call it "Brek". [Smash Mouth - All Star, Distorted] ONIONS HAVE LAYERS!
GET OUT OF MY SWAMP! ONIONS HAVE LAYERS! GET OUT OF MY SWAMP! ONIONS HAVE LAYERS!
GET OUT OF MY- I could just do that and probably make millions of dollars... But instead here I am... sitting in my room. Trying to make good stuff.
Not only succeeding, but trying. And now we're at the dinner scene. No joke. This scene is fifteen minutes long.
Everyone just explains the plot. "Uh...if we're still here talking..." ...
"Wh- I don't even know what they're talking about. They've been talking in this room for ten minutes." And then Russ in boots fucks eight pussies, and the movies' over
*gulps*
"A-are you blind?" Ok, so moral of the story... ...
He- ...
Executive producers, which means that they spent ten bucks on it. Alright, they spent twenty bucks on it.
These are all fake names. *Snickers* Friend- yeah u- Ralph: Blind Lemon Music! Stock music
Sound design? Pff, what sound design was there? ...This guy did nothing.
Friend: I heard, like, ten *Unknown gibberish* Ralph: *laughs*
Friend: zoop Ralph: Zzzzoop! Friend: Who's the animator? Ralph: yeah, I wanna see the animaton team. Backgrounds. You mean all four of them?
Prop design. What, the forks!? Oh my God!
Friend: Man, I fucking told you they couldn't make that alone, even if it's total shit.
So, if you actually want me to talk about this movie as if it's a real movie... It's actually pretty good.
I mean, I know I've been negative so far, but really, it's a good film for kids and that's the most important thing, because kids aren't as judgemental as us adults.
I mean, we're cynical, we live in the age of, you know, Donald Trump, and all the sexism and racism & horrible
terrorism, and all this crazy stuff. But an innocent young kid watching this movie, I think he'd have a great time watching
a cat, and three mice, and some fuckin' guy who looks like a question mark,
talking, for forty minutes about things that don't matter at all. The voice acting's great... "but how are we ever gonna find the key to [indiscernible gibberish]"
...the animation's cute, if not simplistic... *wind & lightning sounds*
*tap* *tap* *tap* It's a good movie for kids, I think kids will have a great time watching it,
I give it a ten out of ten. So that is my review... um...
IHE: 'Little Bee'.
Yeah. And of course it's me. You know what? Screw the wheel! I'm not just going to do 'Little Bee', I'm also gonna do 'Plan Bee' at the same time!
Two bee movies at once. Let's go! 1.[LITTLE BEE] [U (Universal)] [DVD VIDEO] 2.[PLAN BEE] [THE STING IS IN THE TALE] [DVD VIDEO]
Why you'd ever want to ride off the success of 'Bee Movie'... ...I will never know. But the BEE-asterds over at Brightspark Entertainment & Sparkplug Entertainment...
('Brightspark'. 'Sparkplug'. That's kinda weird...) ...both seemed to think it was a great idea.
They both even have the exact same tagline. 'Plan Bee' says... "The Sting Is In The Tale."
And 'Little Bee' says... "Watch out - there might just BEE a sting in the tail!"
I hope the same people responsible for this... ...feel the same pain that I do after reading that...
...it's not even a good pun. :_( I'm gonna break it to you now, because I can't hold it any longer, but 'Little Bee' is my least favourite out of all these goddamn con-jobs in this video.
I already kind of hate 'Bee Movie' on it's own. ...it's just dumb, and isn't a very good premise for a full length movie.
So take the incessant, never-ending bee puns from that movie, then take an ugly 'Bratz' doll, and a bee, and shove them together, then make a fifty-minute movie out of those dreadful ideas.
Wow. Who would've guessed that that's the ultimate recipe for a disaster? "I'd be so ashamed!"
The entire thing has this really annoying static in the background... [annoying static] "With me? can't somebody else handle this princess?"
"Well it is the Queen's job to instruct princesses how to behave, your majesty." ...so it actually gives you a headache.
'Little Bee' breaks new ground, and actually hurts to watch! You- [snickers] -you come away damaged!
It is fifty minutes of torture! Oh and the way Beenard arrogantly provokes you on the box...
...that especially makes me want to hurt him... Oh yeah, the main character is called 'BEEnard'.
Come on, laugh, why are you not laughing??? The story was about... uhh... saving the hive?
Probably? But I'm sat here, trying to recap the main plot, but every time I have to look at it I get an acute pain in my left eye.
So I probably should stop talking about it. Ultimately, 'Little Bee' isn't that much different to some of the others. But with the ugliness, & the sound, & the running time, I just don't have the strength. I don't have the strength to withstand it.
Problem is, this one, it's not even funny. It's just nothing. It is so incompetent that even simplistic things such as cuts, or very basic simulated camera movements, just look WRONG.
For example, just watch these few seconds, and you'll understand exactly what I mean. ♪♪♪
Also... ...they shove in couple of musical numbers, that non-surprisingly, completely suck.
♪"-to protect the hive!"♪ 'Plan Bee' isn't exactly much better. Ralph mentioned in his segment that, at the very least, his pick was suitable for it's audience.
'Plan Bee' should never B E E seen by a child. I expect even plenty of adults would be traumatised by this one.
"Your queen's sleep was disturbed!" I kind of appreciate the fact that they tried to design the bee with a cute, happy-go-lucky smile and adorable little tooth,
But then you look down a bit and see his disgusting insect legs... ...and it kind of makes the whole thing even more disturbing.
The director of this film was also responsible for the 'Car's Life' movies, as well as 'an antz LIFE', which is also in this video,
So treat that information as you wish. Obviously that was nothing but bad news to me, because 'Car's Life' (especially the second one), is one the most unfavourable pieces of media I've ever witnessed.
'Plan Bee' is pretty much unsurprisingly the same stupid garbage as 'Little Bee', boiling down to the same plot about the Queen Bees?
Or whatever... It's so weird & creepy when the bees stick their tongues out to have a drink! *eerie noises and liquid pouring*
And Villain Queen in particular is especially badly designed and disturbing. The animation is SO lazy, to the point where they somehow make it look like the bees are on green screens!
In an animated movie! This is simply because they couldn't be arsed to design and model intricate 3D environments for the bees to fly around in,
so, instead, they just use panning 2D images most of the time. The only real thing of note that happens is an incredibly well choreographed fight scene, which utterly blew my mind!
*screaming* *grunting noises*
SPIN THAT WHEEL, I'M SO FED UP OF TALKING ABOUT BEES!
OH GREAT, MORE INSECTS.
OH, THANK GOD! Chris can take this one. [an an'tz LIFE] [WHAT REALLY GOES ON IN YOUR BACKYARD.] [DVD VIDEO] [DOLBY DIGITAL] [U (Universal)]
So when Alex contacted me and he said, "Hey man, I'm a fan of your work." I was like, "Hey! I'm a fan of your work too!"
He said, "would like to do a collaboration?" And I was like, "Yes!"
"That would be great! What do you have in mind, good sir?"
And he said, "Dreamworks ripoff films."
So thank god for that, 'cause that's what I've been dreaming to talk about for ages.
So excited to sit here and talk to you about 'an ant'z LIFE',
also known as 'Bug Bites: An Ant's Life', because that was the original title, [snickers] you know, before it was distributed.
Because this movie actually got distributed. Here's the DVD that I bought with my own money!
I supported them! I'm currently sitting in my 'Hilario-city' background, and for anyone who is not subscribed to my channel, you wouldn't know
this is where I film reviews for movies that I find hilariously awful. There's tons of films back here that I'm not ashamed to own.
Films like: 'League of Extraordinary Gentlemen', or 'Jaws: The Revenge'. Really terrible movies that have an entertaining vibe to them.
Posters, like 'Batman Forever' (top left), or 'The Happening' (top right). Not ashamed to have this set, 'cause it's fun to talk about bad films,
but I can tell you, that when I ordered this piece of shit off of Amazon,
I actually got chills up my spine. [Laughing] Because I was supporting them!
But at least, I have something to talk about, before we get into this marvellous piece of entertainment.
This DVD. I am immediately drawn to the tagline: "What really goes on in your backyard."
So, I'm curious; is this a statement, or is it perhaps proposing a thought-provoking scenario?
Like, 'an ant'z LIFE', 'What really goes on in your backyard'. Is it saying that this is 'What goes on in your backyard'?
that? right there? Or is it saying, like , "Ｗｈａｔ　　ｒｅａｌｌｙ　　ｇｏｅｓ　ｏｎ　ｉｎ　ｙｏｕｒ　ｂａｃｋｙａｒｄ？！"
"Watch our shit film to find out!" "It's not easy being an ant. Just ask-
Could they have picked a harder name to pronounce for children? "- a weary worker ant who's building an ant hill for Queen Jo, saving Sal Caterpillar from the-
Rapacious (ra.pa.cious) (rəˈpeɪʃəs) (adj.). Agressively greedy or grasping. So let me reword that for the nice children who pick up this film having no idea what idea it's about...
"-saving Sal Caterpillar from the 'greedy' geckos, and gathering seeds for the hungry sisters."
[Laughs] It seems like, just like the person was like, "POOR THANG'S GOT SIX LEGS, BITCH!" [Laughs] Fuck...
"But is she spending her time wisely? Are Thang's overtaxed antennae missing [Laughter] danger signals?
*tap* Oh my god... "Join this intrepid arthropod and her quirky sisters as they embark on an action-packed adventure in an unpredictable, tough neighborhood:
THE BACKYARD." Man, this is gonna be damn good! I am so fucking sold right now, I am ready for 'an ant'z LIFE'. Oh my god!
"If you 'liked' 'an ant'z LIFE', You will Love 'A Car's Life'." You know, that's actually true, if you like this movie, your probably gonna really dig 'A Car's Life'.
So you should go buy it. Because, I'm sure it's really good. I'm sure it's...
...excellent quality entertainment. For you and your children who don't know how to read yet.
And, also, keep in mind, the total run-time is listed as sixty minutes, because we're gonna get back to that later-
The fuck is inside this thing? *open* Oh my god, it looks like it's from the dollar store.
*pop* Is it a DVR? *pop x2* [Laughing] Yep, it's a DVR. you can tell. It's been printed in somebody's house.
Somebody made this shit in their house. *release* *collision*
*balloon noises*
And it's the most obvious ripoff of Pixar's 'A Bug's Life' & Dreamworks' 'ANTZ'. Even the title font kind of looks like 'The Ant Bully' movie, I mean, it's just a gigantic cornucopia
of other things, created by someone who's like, "I have no talent, so I'm just gonna make something that someone else made
and try to sell it. AND I FUCKING BOUGHT IT!
In fact, from now on, I don't really feel like referring to this as a film, because it's so incredibly
shitty, so I'm just going to refer to it as an audiovisual product. And it's just so bad that I'm basically reduced to talking about a series of moments
that are funny, because there is nothing else to talk about! Like, for instance, how the ants say hello.
It's incredibly sexualised and very disgusting.
I am absolutely blown away at the quality of the animation. It's some of the worst I've ever seen, it looks like someone slapped some clay models together and
somehow gave it a digital, glossy sheen. And right off the bat, we already have some culturally awkward dialogue?
"Lizards. From Malaysia." [Chris loses it]
If this thing wasn't insufferable enough already, We're greeted with this strange, jazzy, symphonic score
that basically is put during every single scene transition, where we see flowers dancing to the beat.
♪♪♪
And for the four ants that are in this 'audiovisual product', you can basically sum up all of their dialougue
with this. [Mating calls]
"Queen Michelle's old nest?" "Hmm?" "Just abandoned it last Friday."
"Hmmmmmmmmm." The fucking caterpillar walks with his ass. I get what they're trying to animate, they're trying to make him look like he's going smooth across the entire frame,
but it doesn't look like that, it just looks like he's going UR RE UR RE UR RE UR...
They can't even take the time to properly animate the way a caterpillar would eat, like this shot of him trying to eat
this leaf, and nothing's breaking off, the food isn't going into it's mouth, it's just *MUNCH* *MUNCH* *MUNCH* *MUNCH* *MUNCH*
and noth- nothing happens. The incompetence level on display here is mind-boggling,
I'm telling you guys, it's FUCKING mindboggling.
Chris: Oh fuck! ENJOY THIS, CHILDREN!
Dismemberment, body parts, decapitation, THE EATING OF A LOVED ONE. The editing on display is sometimes so bad, they actually stop a scene's animation before they cross-dissolve to the next one.
"In a few weeks, everything will be perfect." "It's all going according to plan."
I'm sure a lot of you watching this edit. You know how easy it is to remove a few frames from a shot,
then put your cross-dissolve. That's the easiest fix EVER and they CAN'T EVEN DO THAT!
PATHETIC!! We're also greeted by a considerable amount of egg shitting.
[pop!] "eggs!" And they never make it look respectful for the young kids who are probably watching this movie. The ants just run on screen
an go like "OH! POOPED AN E G G!" [Laughing]
They also reuse the exact same sound effect of them walking, over and over. And if that wasn't annoying enough, here we have this same FUCKING sound used endlessly for this FUCKING ants gasping.
*gasp* *gasp x2* *gasp x3* [Chris gasping]
[Laughing] Could you even have just done something else? Just, I mean, the guy's right there, probably filming this shit.
He's at the microphone, all he's gotta do is be like, "Hey, Johnny, you know, maybe do a few more."
"What's that?" "Yeah, do a few more gasping." "Well, I don't want to do that any more, you're not paying me."
"Yeah? Well fuck you." "We're making this for kids. It's for the kids." "Yeah, but you're not paying me anything, and I need to feed my children. My children need money.
"Just do it again, Johnny!" "No, I don't want to do it. BYE." "You have to reuse the same thing over and over again as my REVENGE..."
"TO YOU." So eventually, we learn there's a betrayal going on behind the scenes, and this queen ant is actually just using the other ants to help her gather her eggs
so they can hatch, and she can have her very own army. AND THEY ALL START FIGHTING.
"-And that is how you shall DIE." "NEVERRRR!" ... :/
Chris: What the hell's going on? Like this is- What the fuck is going on? Like, This is how they said 'Hello' earlier.
and apparently, it's how they fight, as well. I like how the one's just slapping her ass...
[laughs] This eventually leads to her army in a gigantic line,
just advancing towards their death, willfully. ♪ "RUN! RUN! RUN! RUN! RUUUN!"
Oh my god! Everyone's just fuckin' dying! It's a line of DEATH!
Stop going forward, you fucking bugs! you're all gonna die!
Oh my god... They were just plowing forth into those geckos' mouths like they were happy to be there.
They just- they wanted to go forth to their deaths. They were all very depressed about being in this film,
and suicide, I suppose, was the best option for them at that point. Which I guess was what they were all [snickers] planning.
How is this a backyard, by the way? What really is the purpose though, of a children's film besides just being entertaining and fun?
I would say, "Probably to have a moral of some kind." "A message that helps you raise your kids and helps them be better people."
What's the moral of "an ant'z LIFE'? Don't trust someone who says they're your sister because they might be lying to you to force you to do hard labor?
That's a very complex message for a child to understand. "E G G S." And last but not least, remember I said how the back of the DVD said that this audiovisual product is an hour long?
It's twenty-five minutes long, actually.
*chair* *RIP 'an ant'z LIFE'*
Whew. That felt better.
Alex, thank you so much for having me in this video, I had a great time talking about 'an ant'z LIFE', I did not have a great time watching it, that's for sure,
But it was an honor to be here with you and with a bunch of other really respectable people. Thanks guys. if you've never subscribed to my channel, please do check it out.
I like talking about films, a lot better ones than this. Thank you very much guys. Have a good one. IHE: Spin the wheel, and see if my wounds are given time to heal!
'Chop Kick Panda'.
Well, here goes. Can't be much worse than the other panda movies I've seen. [CHOP KICK PANDA] [NEW] [FISTS OF FURY AND A HEART OF GOLD] [ABBEY HOME MEDIA] [G] [U (Universal)]
'Chop Kick Panda', being an obvious 'Kung Fu Panda' ripoff, is surprisingly okay.
It's completely harmless, childish entertainment that doesn't overstay it's welcome, but at the same time, never elevates itself to anything even remotely noteworthy.
Again, for some reason, the running time on the back is wrong. It says it's sixty-six minutes long, when it's actually forty-one.
But, I'm not complaining, I'm actually thankful for that. It means there's less to talk about. The animation is just as lazy as 'Puss in Boots: A Furry Tail', and that's because it was made by the same team that diarrhea'd this video out.
I personally prefer the art style in the 'Puss in Boots' one to this somewhat clinical, lame and cheap flash animation vibe I got from this one,
but It's pretty inoffensive. You know, at least the panda looks like a panda, and the tiger looks like a tiger, okay?
That's more than what I normally get with these. I got a note that I actually got these films in a triple pack with 'Chop Kick Panda', 'Puss in Boots' and 'Tappy Toes', which I guess is a ripoff of 'Happy Feet',
Which isn't Dreamworks, so I didn't even bother watching that one. It's just cheaper to buy the three at once. Than buy the two separately.
The funniest thing of all is the fact that the synopsis for 'Chop Kick Panda' on the cover has pretty much all the information wrong
about the real contents of the video. It says that the main character is called Lu, when he's actually called Zibo.
"So fierce was this warrior, no one dared to utter his name!"
"Hey Zibo, stop daydreaming and keep moppin'!" It also says that 'Lu' also owns the 'Taekwondoe Dojo' when, in actual fact, he's a janitor who works there.
You can tell a lot of people really cared about this project. The story itself is incredibly simple.
Zibo lies to his son, and tells him that he's an amazing fighter, when he's actually just a janitor, and eventually has to tell him the truth,
then there's the villain that lives in a cave who sends a panther to get a special amulet that's supposed to be really powerful or something,
but then the bad guy shows up himself, anyway, and after a big battle, it turns out the amulet is actually powerless, and the only power it gives you is from what has been inside you...
all along. Aww. But I'm pretty sure they just stole that note from 'Kung Fu Panda', but whatever.
You've probably noticed that, much like Ralph pointed out in 'Puss in Boots', the team who made this designed the entire project around
having to do as little actual animation as possible, which is obviously a problem, when your so-called 'movie' is supposed to be...
...animated. ♪ "Go!" "Ugh!"
"Hahaha! Go!" "Grr!" It's pretty boring, but I'd be fine with my kid watching it, if I had one,
and I know that, being a con-job and everything, I shouldn't expect anything less but, I've gotta say, it's kinda scummy how they used what looks like a 3D render of 'Zooboo' to give off the impression that it's a
CGI movie instead of a 2D one. Also, a bit of a nitpick. You can't just put a little badge on your cover design saying 'NEW' without any context.
It's like what Nintendo did by calling 'New Super Mario Bros.' NEW 'Super Mario Bros.'.
Sorry, guys, it ain't really new anymore. Came out over a decade ago now. I guess the reason these ones aren't quite as bad as the others is that the director actually has some experience and expertise in the field of animation.
At least all of this has lead to him directing thirty-six episodes of 'Tom and Jerry', which is something, I guess.
It's about the only good that's come from this. Spin that damn wheel, baby.
'Ratatoing'...? Oh, nono, I was really dreading this one. Please don't be me, please don't be MEEE...
YES! Have fun, Adam... [RATATOING] [U (Universal)] [DVD VIDEO]
YMS: Hey, everybody. How's it going? Once apon a time, some loser named 'I Hate Everything' asked me to be on a collaboration video with him.
'The [NOT DREAMWORKS] Collection' is obviously what you already know it's called. He gave me a list of films to cover and on that list was 'Ratatoing'.
And so, obviously I picked that because it looked amazing. "Uh-huh."
Now, on the list he gave, the films in parentheses were 'Ratatouille' & 'Flushed Away', to imply that this film is a ripoff of both of them.
Now, I already love 'Ratatouille', and I would call it my favorite Pixar film, but 'Flushed Away' was a movie that I'd never seen
partially because it looks like shit, so I gave it a watch and man was it BOOOOOOOORING.
But after watching it, I kind of felt that there was nothing really about 'Flushed Away' that 'Ratatoing was trying to emulate.
I mean, it kind of came out around the same time, I guess, but if 'Ratatoing' is ripping something off, I'm pretty sure it's 'Ratatouille',
which is a Disney Pixar film, and not a Dreamworks film. Just wanted to get that out of the way in case any of you guys were like,
"Hey! That's not [NOT DREAMWORKS]! That's [NOT DISNEY]!" but I'm reviewing this film anyway, because it's really funny.
Just want to let you know who to blame for that one. #BlameAlexYMSWasAGoodBoy.
#YMSDidNothingWrong- #IHateMarsBars- #DURRPLANT- *static* So after watching the film's trailer and seeing just how quality of a film this would be,
I decided I was going in dry and bought the actual DVD from Amazon. And I'm glad I did.
I mean, just look at this craftsmanship- *IMPACT* *IMPACT X2* Not only do we get an English version, but we get a Spanish version as well.
It's just like 'Cool Cat', but for some reason they didn't bother to include subtitles in either language.
Sorry, deaf people. You can play the program, you can select the chapter... Five whole chapters?!?
Wow, each of these images tells me so much about which chapter I'm selecting. Does this chapter not have mice in it?
Is the final chapter just the first chapter again? Oh look, we even got some supplementary material.
'Web Link'... Huh. "Peter Pan. This disc contains a link to Peterpan when used as a DVD-ROM. To access this link,
open the disc with a DVD-ROM drive and double click the file 'peterpan.htm'."
WHAT? Why don't I just type in the URL? Alright. 'Peterpan'.
"To access 'Peterpan' click here." ♪ (Curb Your Enthusiasm theme plays) ♪
Pfff. *more static* Okay, enough of that. Let's see what this movie's about. "Ratatoing." AAH!
Okay, so this whole thing takes place in Rio De Janeiro. I should probably mention that this film was made by 'VÌdeo Brinquedo' (Trans. Toyland Video),
an animation studio from- you guessed it - Brazil. Pretty much all this studio does is basically just plagiarism.
This is the studio behind many classic films, such as: 'The Little Cars', 'Little Bee', 'Little and Big Monsters'
and 'The Little Panda Fighter.' ♪
*static No.3* Why didn't you just call this one 'Little Ratatouille' or 'RataTINY'? *ba dum crash* "The marvelous city."
"Land of sun and heat-" Part of me feels as though they originally had this set in a different city, but then changed it after this guy read his lines.
It seems like they just cut it out and then started the movie right after. (let's play the pronoun game) "-the marvelous city." "Land of sun and heat."
"With one of the most beautiful urban skylines in the world." That describes a few cities, doesn't it?
"This is a prosperous city." "That's where our story takes place." "IN THE HEART OF THIS CITY."
Oh, This City. Okay. Also, you gotta love this audio editing. "In a very famous and sophisticated restaurant."
*lip smack* "Frequented by the most notable residents of the city." "It seems that everyone, even from distant places, wants to come to this restaurant."
Oh god, this padding. So, anyway, the narrator explains that the story takes place in 'This City' and that we're at a restaurant called 'Ratatoing',
owned by Marcel Toing, who only uses the finest ingredients and everybody fuckin' loves it.
At which point, we are immediately fed the exact same information again from characters in the movie.
FOR 12 FUCKING MINUTES! Oh, and by the way, this film has an entire run time of forty-four minutes.
I am not even kidding, over a quarter of this film is just reiterating the same information that we were already fed from the narrator in the first minute.
As I was watching this film, I was legitimately unsure as to whether or not they would ever leave the fucking restaurant.
"Ah! I must say, that smells delicious!" "Did you have any doubt, sir?"
"There's not doubt about that here-" 41 SECS LATER "Indeed! This restaurant is very good, Marialiché!"
"You are absolutely right!" "Oh! Were you questioning my good taste darling? Ahahaha!"
"No, nonono" "nonononono-" 3 MINS LATER "Won't you please offer the chef my usual comments for tonight's exquisite dinner? It's marvelous!"
"Uh-huh!" 50 SECS LATER "I would ALSO like to send my compliments to the chef!" 38 SECS LATER
"I must say, I agree that this food and the service are both WONDERFUL!" "Thank you sir-"
2 ½ MINS LATER "Young man, I'm impressed and you should be proud. I've never eaten such a fine meal-"
*Static: Vol. 4* At least, we are treated to some absolutely BREATHTAKING ANIMATION.
You know how video games with a shit-ton of dialogue basically just run the mouth animations through a program that essentially guesses what it's supposed to look like?
It's like that, but much worse. I wish I could say that the original Spanish audio track looked any more in sync, but it's not.
(In Goog. Trans. Spanish) "Este restaurante es muy bueno Marialiché!" "¡Tienes razón!"
"¿Tenía alguna duda, señor? hahahaha!" "nonononononono"
*Static - Vol. 5. Coming Today Wednesday* What the fuck is happening with their noses? "There's something strange over here..."
"What seems to be the problem, sir?" "I ordered the flies with Gorgonzola Sauce, and this is definitely Camembert Sauce!"
Haha, you get it? It was like, a bait and switch, 'cause your expectations would be that, the guy was complaining
about the fly in his sauce, but it was actually just the wrong sauce and the fly wasn't actually part of the mistake by the kitchen staff-
Hey! wait a minute, this waiter looks exactly like the guy that was ordering food not too long ago. "Hello."
AGH! Who the fuck walks like that? Are you trying to seduce him? Well at least the dialogue is much more riveting now that we're in the kitchen.
"So far, I've been asked to make twelve olive creams and soda!" "So, is it ready?"
"Well, almost." 22 SECS LATER "P R E C I S E L Y." "That guy ends up ordering the same thing."
"I'm glad you know the ordering habits of your clientele." AGH! 44 SECS LATER
"Junior, you really need to stop eating the junk food. It's not healthy for ya!" "Have a heart, dear. let the boy have what he wants!"
"YES, DADDY, I LOVE CHEDDAR!" Yes daddy. "Thanks, mommy and daddy!" *static interlude* "I hope you all enjoy your wonderful dinner!" *wink*
Stop winking at people! What, so you wanna fuck the little boy, too? Are you like- floating as you walk?
Oh no, it looks like this guy's got some sort of erecTAIL dysfunction. *Haha very funny* I've been going through this right now,
And I cannot tell just you how eager I am for this film to get past the 12 minute mark. It is literally just all padding!
How is any of this useful information at all? "Wow I am crazy, or have we been busy?"
"I get no rest, I've never seen it so busy!" "I haven't either." So, as it turns out there is a table of rats work at a competitor restaurant
that are desperate to figure out what the secret ingredients in his food are. "Is there is a secret ingredient used, if so we'd like to know what it is."
"Oh, no not THAT same old question again!" "You must tell us, tell us!" "Hey, why do yo have a notebook here?"
"uhHH... This is just a little notebook that I always carry around with me!"
This film is so lazy that they didn't even create a skin for the back of the notebook. It's just the front of the notebook but reversed.
Greg, I am struggling to understand your tooth situation here. I don't get it Hey, we made it out of the restaurant, OH MY GOD!
Oh, great more information that was revealed to us earlier, I love it. "You know, I thought he was gonna reveal the secret-"
"You mean out little secret was almost revealed!" *I'm gonna stop captioning these statics now* Anyway, now the restaurant is closed and apparently since it's Thursday night, our main characters' need to do something special.
"Come on Greg, it's time" ._.
What the fuck is going on?! This is like some weird, video game shit! Eggggggggggnnnnnnnnnnnnnn-WAH
*disgusting rat noises* "Hyah!"
Gotta love how Greg is essentially wearing the mickey house hat. I wonder if they gave that to him just as a little extra 'fuck you' to Disney.
"YEE, that's right wachu gon' do about it?" I love how they completely gave up on the idea of animating him putting on the hat.
Like, they pretend that that's what he's going but It's not actually happening. Honestly, It would've been pretty funny watching his real ears clip through the hat as he's putting it on though
Apparently somebody thought it was a good idea to add footstep full for this sequence
making it delightfully awkward *le footsteps*
O_O And then we get back to these guys and we learn basically nothing again
What the hell is happening here? Anyway, now we get to see their secret mission.
"hey, shh!" Why'd you do that? Wait never-mind we don't see their mission just yet. We're cutting back to these guys again.
Apparently they left their notepad there (?) and are trying to get it back before anybody finds out that they're trying to steal t-the
Secrets ...of the restaurant? But oh my gawrsh, no one's there and apparently they just leave this fucking restaurant unlocked I guess
Okay, now we're actually on their secret missi and apparently they have goggles that can show them where fresh food is?
"Strawberries!" "the big, beautiful red ones that smell incredibly fresh and delicious!" If you could it smell why'd you need the goggles?
"Marcelle, take your time!" "We need to make sure we haven't been followed by anyone." You know a really good way to make sure you're haven't been followed by anyone
Would be to lock your fucking restaurant when it's closed! Anyway, Marcel uses a grappling hook to get the strawberry, but suddenly,
"GAAAAAAH" "What have you done, you clumsy idiot?!"
"huh? GAH! It's wasn't me! It's wasn't me!" *Rat Screams* It seems like there is a really easy way to fix this situation, and you're just not doing it.
So anyway, this character awkwardly walks through their kitchen And, somehow knows about the secret panel?
And into the void she goes Meanwhile, Greg is somehow so stupid that he makes things a lot worse for everyone
"Hold on Marcelle, I'll grab you" "Turn this crazy thing off!"
And somehow, they also manged make this sequences as padded as possible. "Push the switch!"
"What switch?" "Push the button behind you!" "Did you say pull?" "No! Not pull the button, push the button!"
"Are you saying button?" "Yes, button!" "I mean switch!" "Did you say button, or switch?"
"The button is a switch!" "Aaa, What switch?" Ｏｈ ｎｏ， ｎｏｗ ｓｈｅ ｋｎｏｗｓ ｔｈａｔ ｔｈｅｙ ｇｅｔ ｔｈｅｉｒ ｆｒｅｓｈ ｉｎｇｒｅｄｉｅｎｔｓ ｆｒｏｍ ａ．．． ｒｅｇｕｌａｒ ｈｕｍａｎ ｋｉｔｃｈｅｎ
"AaAaaAaaAAaaAAaa" "huh?"
"C'mon guys, let's go!" Why on earth was the scene transition even there? Was that for some sort of commercial break or something?
You know, I almost considered that a possibility but then they do the exact same thing 15 seconds later
"EverY tHinG iS spInNinG" Why? Anyway, it seems as though they have enough fresh ingredients for the entire week, so their work here is done.
"I hope Octavio remembered to lock the front door." "HMMMMMMMMM" "Let's see now"
"Greg asked me to do something before I want home but what was it?" Oh great, what a hilarious flashback, let's drag this as long as possible.
"I think I had to go to the store, But which store?" "No that's not it, cause there is no store open today!"
"I think I had to uhhhh..." "Move the tables and clean the floor, that's it!" "But I already cleaned the floor,"
[You could still move those tables] "NO, NO that can't be it" Hmmmm, what am I forgeting to do right now? Hmmmm Haaa I don't get it! Haa, hmm let me think about this for a while-
Anyway, these guys recapped the entire scene we just watched, and then decided that they're going to try and sabotage Marcelle Toing from being able to get new ingredients
I am just now noticing how DISGUSTING this guy's tail looks Think you might wanna get that checked out?
Anyway, they go to the place where Marcelle gets his ingredients from And we finally get to witness this magnificent plan on action
"2.....3...!" "NOW" "WHooAAOo"
"aAAAaa" "EUAAaGH" "HUUuueEe"
"la-lalala-lalala-lalala"
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooOOooOOooOOOOooooOOooo"
"HA! HA! HA! HA!" [More orgasm noises]
help AM I ON DRUGS RIGHT NOW? Well at least this whole sequence is an excuse to repeat as much as the same footage as possible again!
Anyway, they do their little dance and immediately start terrorizing the patrons of this establishment.
And no one seems to notice them up until this point So this entire choreographed dance that you perfected achieved absolutely nothing
"this place had come overrun with rats!" "Oh, rats! RATS! Ｗｈｏ ｌｅｔ ｔｈｅ ｒａｔｓ ｉｎAAAAAAAAAHHHHH-
30 seconds of people screaming later "What the heck caused all this mess?" "Rats, sir. But I don't know how they got in."
I like how this guy's voice is just the narrator from the beginning, with an effect that lowered his pitch.
"The rats came in and made our customers go completely crazy!" "How do we suddenly get rats? We always are so careful!"
MAYBE YOU SHOULD CLOSE YOUR FUCKING DOOR Well, it's time for this scene to end, lets see how this next one plays out
"Okay, boss." "HHHhhHHAHAHAHAHA, I can't wait to see how crazy they get after the incredible mess we made"
"We're so BAD >:)" Pfffffffffffttttttttttt That was literally the entire scene!
They faded out from the kitchen to the rats and faded out again within eight seconds! WHY?!
Anyway, now it's a week later and now they're planning on doing their secret mission again "This time Greg needs to be more careful!"
"What are you saying about me?" "Easy, Greg it's nothing, nothing!" Oh yeah, let's not be honest with him and raise out concerns or anything.
Let's just allow another life threatening disaster to happen. Does Greg even help at all?
Now, we get the exact same shot that we've already seen in that sequence before, Except this time
its.... ....later in the movie! [weird video game shit] Well, they finally get there, and it looks like there's traps everywhere.
[Yelp] "Hey Marcelle, are you... okay?" "The food is attached to a trap!" NO
NO SHIT Anyway, he finds a bar of chocolates but it seems as though it's giving him some trouble Oh. My. God.
That is some grade-A nightmare fuel if I've ever seen it "Can't talk now!"
[Meow] OH MY GOD Why can't you move like a normal cat?!
Oh wait, it's probably because it would be a little more difficult to animate, nevermind. Anyway this absolutely disturbing and obnoxious chase scene
Continues until Marcelle manages to get back on the rope.
5 seconds of the exact same thing later What the fuck?!
Then the scene fades out. And fades back in to the exact same setting- 𝕎 𝕙 𝕪
I love how this cat apparently can't climb shit One veek latear... "You may bring out for me a little lento soup with mushrooms."
"Uhm, sorry, but we're out of that as well." Were you previously making that dish with strawberries?
Now these rats are gloating over how empty the restaurant is." And Marcelle and the gang are realizing that
the only way to save to restaurant is to go back and try to get more fresh ingredients. And who know that that means ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
[Weird video game shit]
aAAAAAAAAAAAAA aAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Oh no, it looks like these guys are following them
Like, apparently you didn't even wait until the restaurant closed this time "hey, big monster, where are you?"
"Come and get me, here kitty kitty! Here kitty kitty!" "What are doing Marcelle? Why are you calling the cat?"
"You're nuts!" "Calm down my friend. I have everything under control!" Oh, so you have some sort of crazy plan, but for some reason you didn't even bother to run that past anybody that you're with?
O-kay So Marcelle's like, "yo, we should grab all the cheese right now the cat's not even here, there is no sign of him."
whaaAAa-AT? "Hold on there, big guy!" "I think we started out relationiF off badly, if you know what I mean." [sic]
Re-la-tion-shiF? Ｒｅｌａｔｉｏｎｓｈｉｆ What's a Ｒｅｌａｔｉｏｎｓｈｉｆ? So, Marcelle decides that he'll continue distracting the 'cat'
while they get as much cheese as possible. And then he gets impatient, I guess, and throws shit and the cat, and the cat gets pissed off then they run around a bunch and it's really boring...
Ugggh! Seriously, who the hell would write a scene where a cat stops chasing something because on went on a table?!
Oh thank god, finally. It looks like the cat's figured it out! Meanwhile these guys backpacks full of cheese now, I guess.
"Give us everything that you have in your bags, and make it quick" "And we do mean EVERYTHING you got" "but WHY don't you think there is enough cheese here for all of us?"
"Get your own, but watch out of the traps" "You're absolutely right." (iTienes Razon!) Didn't really think this one through, did ya?
Anyway, then they start arguing, "You better serve us some respect, you lowlife rat!" "Hey don't you call my friend a lowlife!"
"What are you going to do about it, Chubby?" Ooh, we got ourselves a sassy girl here! No- you- didn-t
Aaaaaa Okay So you're the cat whisperer now, great. "Grab these two and take them to your boss[Satan], and see how proud he is of you"
"He'll give you a big reward and you'll have me to thank for it" Oh cool, so you're gonna kill 'em, great."
A few moments later "How did you want him to get to want to cooperate with you? He's your natural enemy!"
"Well, I had a homemade snack in my bag" "I offered it to him, he loved it and wanted more!" I thought you were out of fresh ingredients and your food started sucking and that's why you went here in the first place!
"So, rat traps aren't needed here anymore!" "No rats will dare come around while our cat's on duty!" EEggk
So now I guess the cat's protecting them now? Now the cat's just hanging out at the restaurant, getting food like all the other rats.
"I've heard that those rats of ours were sent to an out-of-town laboratory!" "Ugh, you know I miss them so much it just breaks my little heart!"
"Be patient, my friend." I love how a film, supposedly intended for children, is ending like this.
"Yeah, those two guys from before? Oh, yeah they're missing and nobody knows what happened to them, but supposedly there is a lot of science experiments that people are doing on them.. they're being tortured yeah."
Like, it's either that, or they're DEAD. Anyway, they've all had a magical adventure, and it's pretty cool that they're friends with the cat now how do we end this movie?
Let's just have Greg say his signature catchphrase not once, but twice! "Precisely!"
[all laugh]
"Precisely!" *THE LAST STATIC ALBUM MAH BOYS.* Well, that's the movie. You can all bye-happy now.
What a delightful experience. Thank you so much Alex for encouraging me to watch this amazing feature film.
Check out my channel for more cool memes. I'm gonna go 'da bed, goodbye.
AAAAGH! [MOSES DER PRINZ AUS ÄGYPTEN] [DVD VIDEO] (yes, only four minutes left until I finish!)
'Moses, The Prince of Egypt' is a weird one. One one hand, it's what your teacher at Sunday School would probably show you on a long rainy day.
But then, it's also the kinda dirty, cash-grab to tie in with a movie of a similar name. The animation is all over the place.
More work has gone in compared to the previous two animations in this video, but you still have terrible shots, like this,
"Maybe it's time your big brother taught you a lesson!" Which seem to show a complete lack of understanding of what perspective is.
The backgrounds are actually quite good, but the character design is pretty simple to the point of looking kinda goofy at some points.
I don't need to go into the story, because it literally is, just beat for beat, the story of Moses, and how he parts the Red Sea with the help of God to free all the slaves.
I wouldn't be surprised if this actually existed before the Dreamworks one, and was thrown together with a new cover, just to cash in on the new one releasing.
Speaking of the cover, It's probably the worst about it, to be honest. Whoever this is, just straight up isn't in the movie.
I guess it's supposed to be Moses, except the design in the movie is completely different. There's the odd funny moment, like how stone-faced they are about the staff turning into a snake,
"The staff had transformed into a beautiful snake." "I wanted that magical snake staff for myself."
and how they made the incredibly strange decision of showing the entire story from the perspective of Moses'zzzz brother?
"My name is Amaun. I am grandson of Ramesses II, pharaoh of Egypt and the most powerful man in all the world.
The voice acting is also blockbustingly atrocious. "These quarters must've been the only place in all Egypt to be free of those wretched frogs."
It kind of adds the the charm of the whole thing. Clearly, some hard work went into this, and it feels a bit more sincere and professional than a lot of the other bargain-bin garbage in this video.
Not much more to say than that. I had to spend close to a tenner to get my hands on this one. Which definitely, wasn't worth the forty-eight minutes of ironic entertainment.
You know, swings and roundabouts. No idea why the cover is in German, but the movie audio is English. Doesn't really matter at the end of the day.
Much like anything, because life holds no meaning when you're locked in a room, watching seven-and-a-half hours of ripoff Dreamworks movies.
So, this is the part where I nicely conclude what we've all just been through. The time to wind down. I might as well order them from best to worst.
The best is probably the Moses one, followed by the two other 2D animated ripoffs, then 'Life's a Jungle', purely because it's so comically bad that it's weirdly enjoyable,
'an ant'z LIFE' can go next, simply because it's so short, followed by 'Ratatoing', 'Plan Bee', 'Little & Big Monsters' and, finally,
'LITTLE BEE'. "You really know what you're doing!" Which can BURN in Hell. I guess the word 'Little' is the key to terrible.
Make sure you tell me in the comments which one looks the best and the worst. I've gotta thank Adam from YourMovieSucks, Chris Stuckmann and RalphTheMovieMaker for helping me with this incredibly daunting and time-consuming task.
You can find their channels by looking in the description or just searching their name. What more is there to say? About the movie equivalent of those YouTube videos with misleading thumbnails?
That ultimately have very little to do with the original bait? Some people say that Dreamworks are kind of the B-tech version of Pixar.
So what do these films count as? The B-tech version of a B-tech? God there are too many layers and I'm too tired to comprehend anything anymore.
Thanks for watching everyone. Bet you can't find any other rip-off movies for me to cover in the future. I'll see you next time.
BYE.
[Captions and correcting by Malonjezo & 7 Stacy Sparkles] (Wow, this really took a long time)
Precisely
English